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diff --git a/4246.txt b/4246.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..dfd5679 --- /dev/null +++ b/4246.txt @@ -0,0 +1,20448 @@ +The Project Gutenberg Etext of Beulah, by Augusta J. Evans + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the +copyright laws for your country before distributing this or any other +Project Gutenberg file. + +We encourage you to keep this file, exactly as it is, on your +own disk, thereby keeping an electronic path open for future +readers. Please do not remove this. + +This header should be the first thing seen when anyone starts to +view the etext. 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The +structure was commodious, and surrounded by wide galleries, while +the situation offered a silent tribute to the discretion and good +sense of the board of managers who selected the suburbs instead of +the more densely populated portion of the city. The whitewashed +palings inclosed, as a front yard or lawn, rather more than an acre +of ground, sown in grass and studded with trees, among which the +shelled walks meandered gracefully. A long avenue of elms and +poplars extended from the gate to the principal entrance, and +imparted to the Asylum an imposing and venerable aspect. There was +very little shrubbery, but here and there orange boughs bent beneath +their load of golden fruitage, while the glossy foliage, stirred by +the wind, trembled and glistened in the sunshine. Beyond the +inclosure stretched the common, dotted with occasional clumps of +pine and leafless oaks, through which glimpses of the city might be +had. Building and grounds wore a quiet, peaceful, inviting look, +singularly appropriate for the purpose designated by the inscription +"Orphan Asylum," a haven for the desolate and miserable. The front +door was closed, but upon the broad granite steps, where the +sunlight lay warm and tempting, sat a trio of the inmates. In the +foreground was a slight fairy form, "a wee winsome thing," with +coral lips, and large, soft blue eyes, set in a frame of short, +clustering golden curls. She looked about six years old, and was +clad, like her companions, in canary-colored flannel dress and blue- +check apron. Lillian was the pet of the asylum, and now her rosy +cheek rested upon her tiny white palm, as though she wearied of the +picture-book which lay at her feet. The figure beside her was one +whose marvelous beauty riveted the gaze of all who chanced to see +her. The child could have been but a few months older than Lillian, +yet the brilliant black eyes, the peculiar curve of the dimpled +mouth, and long, dark ringlets, gave to the oval face a maturer and +more piquant loveliness. The cast of Claudia's countenance bespoke +her foreign parentage, and told of the warm, fierce Italian blood +that glowed in her cheeks. There was fascinating grace in every +movement, even in the easy indolence of her position, as she bent on +one knee to curl Lillian's locks over her finger. On the upper step, +in the rear of these two, sat a girl whose age could not have been +very accurately guessed from her countenance, and whose features +contrasted strangely with those of her companions. At a first casual +glance, one thought her rather homely, nay, decidedly ugly; yet, to +the curious physiognomist, this face presented greater attractions +than either of the others. Reader, I here paint you the portrait of +that quiet little figure whose history is contained in the following +pages. A pair of large gray eyes set beneath an overhanging +forehead, a boldly projecting forehead, broad and smooth; a rather +large but finely cut mouth, an irreproachable nose, of the order +furthest removed from aquiline, and heavy black eyebrows, which, +instead of arching, stretched straight across and nearly met. There +was not a vestige of color in her cheeks; face, neck, and hands wore +a sickly pallor, and a mass of rippling, jetty hair, drawn smoothly +over the temples, rendered this marble-like whiteness more apparent. +Unlike the younger children, Beulah was busily sewing upon what +seemed the counterpart of their aprons; and the sad expression of +the countenance, the lips firmly compressed, as if to prevent the +utterance of complaint, showed that she had become acquainted with +cares and sorrows, of which they were yet happily ignorant. Her eyes +were bent down on her work, and the long, black lashes nearly +touched her cold cheeks. + +"Sister Beulah, ought Claudy to say that?" cried Lillian, turning +round and laying her hand upon the piece of sewing. + +"Say what, Lilly? I was not listening to you." + +"She said she hoped that largest robin redbreast would get drunk and +tumble down. He would be sure to bump some of his pretty bright +feathers out, if he rolled over the shells two or three times," +answered Lilly, pointing to a China tree near, where a flock of +robins were eagerly chirping over the feast of berries. + +"Why, Claudy! how can you wish the poor little fellow such bad +luck?" The dark, thoughtful eyes, full of deep meaning, rested on +Claudia's radiant face. + +"Oh! you need not think I am a bear, or a hawk, ready to swallow the +darling little beauty alive! I would not have him lose a feather for +the world; but I should like the fun of seeing him stagger and wheel +over and over, and tumble off the limb, so that I might run and +catch him in my apron. Do you think I would give him to our matron +to make a pie? No, you might take off my fingers first!" And the +little elf snapped them emphatically in Beulah's face. + +"Make a pie of robies, indeed! I would starve before I would eat a +piece of it," chimed in Lilly, with childish horror at the thought. + +Claudia laughed with mingled mischief and chagrin. "You say you +would not eat a bit of roby-pie to save your life? Well, you did it +last week, anyhow." + +"Oh, Claudy, I didn't!" + +"Oh, but you did! Don't you remember Susan picked up a bird last +week that fell out of this very tree, and gave it to our matron? +Well, didn't we have bird-pie for dinner?" + +"Yes, but one poor little fellow would not make a pie." + +"They had some birds already that came from the market, and I heard +Mrs. Williams tell Susan to put it in with the others. So, you see, +you did eat roby-pie, and I didn't, for I knew what was in it. I saw +its head wrung off!" + +"Well, I hope I did not get any of roby. I won't eat any more pie +till they have all gone," was Lilly's consolatory reflection. +Chancing to glance toward the gate, she exclaimed: + +"There is a carriage." + +"What is to-day? Let me see--Wednesday. Yes, this is the evening for +the ladies to meet here. Lil, is my face right clean? because that +red-headed Miss Dorothy always takes particular pains to look at it. +She rubbed her pocket-handkerchief over it the other day. I do hate +her, don't you?" cried Claudia, springing up and buttoning the band +of her apron sleeve, which had become unfastened. + +"Why, Claudy, I am astonished to hear you talk so. Miss Dorothy +helps to buy food and clothes for us, and you ought to be ashamed to +speak of her as you do." As she delivered this reprimand Beulah +snatched up a small volume and hid it in her work-basket. + +"I don't believe she gives us much. I do hate her, and I can't help +it; she is so ugly, and cross, and vinegar-faced. I should not like +her to look at my mug of milk. You don't love her either, any more +than I do, only you won't say anything about her. But kiss me, and I +promise I will be good, and not make faces at her in my apron." +Beulah stooped down and warmly kissed the suppliant, then took her +little sister's hand and led her into the house, just as the +carriage reached the door. The children presented a pleasant +spectacle as they entered the long dining room, and ranged +themselves for inspection. Twenty-eight heirs of orphanage, varying +in years, from one crawling infant to well-nigh grown girls, all +neatly clad, and with smiling, contented faces, if we except one +grave countenance, which might have been remarked by the close +observer. + +The weekly visiting committee consisted of four of the lady +managers, but to-day the number was swelled to six. A glance at the +inspectors sufficed to inform Beulah that something of more than +ordinary interest had convened them on the present occasion, and she +was passing on to her accustomed place when her eyes fell upon a +familiar face, partially concealed by a straw bonnet. It was her +Sabbath-school teacher. A sudden, glad light flashed over the girl's +countenance, and the pale lips disclosed a set of faultlessly +beautiful teeth, as she smiled and hastened to her friend. + +"How do you do, Mrs. Mason? I am so glad to see you!" + +"Thank you, Beulah; I have been promising myself this pleasure a +great while. I saw Eugene this morning, and told him I was coming +out. He sent you a book and a message. Here is the book. You are to +mark the passages you like particularly, and study them well until +he comes. When did you see him last?" + +Mrs. Mason put the volume in her hand as she spoke. + +"It has been more than a week since he was here, and I was afraid he +was sick. He is very kind and good to remember the book he promised +me, and I thank you very much, Mrs. Mason, for bringing it." The +face was radiant with newborn joy, but it all died out when Miss +Dorothea White (little Claudia's particular aversion) fixed her pale +blue eyes upon her, and asked, in a sharp, discontented tone: + +"What ails that girl, Mrs. Williams? She does not work enough or she +would have some blood in her cheeks. Has she been sick?" + +"No, madam, she has not been sick exactly; but somehow she never +looks strong and hearty like the others. She works well enough. +There is not a better or more industrious girl in the asylum; but I +rather think she studies too much. She will sit up and read of +nights, when the others are all sound asleep; and very often, when +Kate and I put out the hall lamp, we find her with her book alone in +the cold. I can't get my consent to forbid her reading, especially +as it never interferes with her regular work, and she is so fond of +it." As the kind-hearted matron uttered these words she glanced at +the child and sighed involuntarily. "You are too indulgent, Mrs. +Williams; we cannot afford to feed and clothe girls of her age, to +wear themselves out reading trash all night. We are very much in +arrears at best, and I think some plan should be adopted to make +these large girls, who have been on hand so long, more useful. What +do you say, ladies?" Miss Dorothea looked around for some +encouragement and support in her move. + +"Well, for my part, Miss White, I think that child is not strong +enough to do much hard work; she always has looked delicate and +pale," said Mrs. Taylor, an amiable-looking woman, who had taken one +of the youngest orphans on her knee. + +"My dear friend, that is the very reason. She does not exercise +sufficiently to make her robust. Just look at her face and hands, as +bloodless as a turnip." + +"Beulah, do ask her to give you some of her beautiful color; she +looks exactly like a cake of tallow, with two glass beads in the +middle--" + +"Hush!" and Beulah's hand was pressed firmly over Claudia's crimson +lips, lest the whisper of the indignant little brunette should reach +ears for which it was not intended. + +As no one essayed to answer Miss White, the matron ventured to +suggest a darling scheme of her own. + +"I have always hoped the managers would conclude to educate her for +a teacher. She is so studious, I know she would learn very rapidly." + +"My dear madam, you do not in the least understand what you are +talking about. It would require at least five years' careful +training to fit her to teach, and our finances do not admit of any +such expenditure. As the best thing for her, I should move to bind +her out to a mantua-maker or milliner, but she could not stand the +confinement. She would go off with consumption in less than a year. +There is the trouble with these delicate children." + +"How is the babe that was brought here last week?" asked Mrs. +Taylor. + +"Oh, he is doing beautifully. Bring him round the table, Susan," and +the rosy, smiling infant was handed about for closer inspection. A +few general inquiries followed, and then Beulah was not surprised to +hear the order given for the children to retire, as the managers had +some especial business with their matron. The orphan band defiled +into the hall, and dispersed to their various occupations, but +Beulah approached the matron, and whispered something, to which the +reply was: + +"No; if you have finished that other apron, you shall sew no more +to-day. You can pump a fresh bucket of water, and then run out into +the yard for some air." + +She performed the duty assigned to her, and then hastened to the +dormitory, whither Lillian and Claudia had preceded her. The latter +was standing on a chair, mimicking Miss Dorothea, and haranguing her +sole auditor, in a nasal twang, which she contrived to force from +her beautiful, curling lips. At sight of Beulah she sprang toward +her, exclaiming: + +"You shall be a teacher if you want to, shan't you, Beulah?" + +"I am afraid not, Claudy. But don't say any more about her; she is +not as kind as our dear matron, or some of the managers, but she +thinks she is right. Remember, she made these pretty blue curtains +round your and Lilly's bed." + +"I don't care if she did. All the ladies were making them, and she +did no more than the rest. Never mind; I shall be a young lady some +of these days,--our matron says I will be beautiful enough to marry +the President,--and then I will see whether Miss Dorothy Red-head +comes meddling and bothering you any more." The brilliant eyes +dilated with pleasure at the thought of the protection which the +future lady-President would afford her protegee. + +Beulah smiled, and asked almost gayly: + +"Claudy, how much will you pay me a month, to dress you and keep +your hair in order, when you get into the White House at +Washington?" + +"Oh, you dear darling! you shall have everything you want, and do +nothing but read." The impulsive child threw her arms around +Beulah's neck, and kissed her repeatedly, while the latter bent down +over her basket. + +"Lilly, here are some chinquapins for you and Olaudy. I am going out +into the yard, and you may both go and play hull-gull." + +In the debating room of the visiting committee Miss White again had +the floor. She was no less important a personage than vice president +of the board of managers, and felt authorized to investigate closely +and redress all grievances. + +"Who did you say sent that book here, Mrs. Mason?" + +"Eugene Rutland, who was once a member of Mrs. Williams' orphan +charge in this asylum. Mr. Graham adopted him, and he is now known +as Eugene Graham. He is very much attached to Beulah, though I +believe they are not at all related." + +"He left the asylum before I entered the board. What sort of boy is +he? I have seen him several times, and do not particularly fancy +him." + +"Oh, madam, he is a noble boy! It was a great trial to me to part +with him three years ago. He is much older than Beulah, and loves +her as well as if she were his sister," said the matron, more +hastily than was her custom, when answering any of the managers. + +"I suppose he has put this notion of being a teacher into her head. +Well, she must get it out, that is all. I know of an excellent +situation, where a lady is willing to pay six dollars a month for a +girl of her age to attend to an infant, and I think we must secure +it for her." + +"Oh, Miss White! she is not able to carry a heavy child always in +her arms," expostulated Mrs. Williams. + +"Yes, she is. I will venture to say she looks all the better for it +at the month's end." The last sentence, fraught with interest to +herself, fell upon Beulah's ear, as she passed through the hall, and +an unerring intuition told her "You are the one." She put her hands +over her ears to shut out Miss Dorothea's sharp tones, and hurried +away, with a dim foreboding of coming evil, which pressed heavily +upon her young heart. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +The following day, in obedience to the proclamation of the mayor of +the city, was celebrated as a season of special thanksgiving, and +the inmates of the asylum were taken to church to morning service. +After an early dinner, the matron gave them permission to amuse +themselves the remainder of the day as their various inclinations +prompted. There was an immediate dispersion of the assemblage, and +only Beulah lingered beside the matron's chair. + +"Mrs. Williams, may I take Lilly with me, and go out into the woods +at the back of the asylum?" + +"I want you at home this evening; but I dislike very much to refuse +you." + +"Oh, never mind! if you wish me to do anything," answered the girl +cheerfully. + +Tears rolled over the matron's face, and, hastily averting her head, +she wiped them away with the corner of her apron. + +"Can I do anything to help you? What is the matter?" + +"Never mind, Beulah; do you get your bonnet and go to the edge of +the woods--not too far, remember; and if I must have you, why I will +send for you." + +"I would rather not go if it will be any trouble." + +"No, dear; it's no trouble; I want you to go," answered the matron, +turning hastily away. Beulah felt very strongly inclined to follow, +and inquire what was in store for her; but the weight on her heart +pressed more heavily, and, murmuring to herself, "It will come time +enough, time enough," she passed on. + +"May I come with you and Lilly?" entreated little Claudia, running +down the walk at full speed, and putting her curly head through the +palings to make the request. + +"Yes, come on. You and Lily can pick up some nice smooth burrs to +make baskets of. But where is your bonnet?" "I forgot it." She ran +up, almost out of breath, and seized Beulah's hand. + +"You forgot it, indeed! You little witch, you will burn as black as +a gypsy!" + +"I don't care if I do. I hate bonnets." + +"Take care, Claudy; the President won't have you all freckled and +tanned." + +"Won't he?" queried the child, with a saucy sparkle in her black +eyes. + +"That he won't. Here, tie on my hood, and the next time you come +running after me bareheaded, I will make you go back; do you hear?" + +"Yes, I hear. I wonder why Miss Dorothy don't bleach off her +freckles; she looks like a--" + +"Hush about her, and run on ahead." + +"Do, pray, let me get my breath first. Which way are we going?" + +"To the piney woods yonder," cried Lilly, clapping her hands in +childish glee; "won't we have fun, rolling and sliding on the +straw?" The two little ones walked on in advance. + +The path along which their feet pattered so carelessly led to a +hollow or ravine, and the ground on the opposite side rose into +small hillocks, thickly wooded with pines. Beulah sat down upon a +mound of moss and leaves; while Claudia and Lillian, throwing off +their hoods, commenced the glorious game of sliding. The pine straw +presented an almost glassy surface, and, starting from the top of a +hillock, they slid down, often stumbling and rolling together to the +bottom. Many a peal of laughter rang out, and echoed far back in the +forest, and two blackbirds could not have kept up a more continuous +chatter. Apart from all this sat Beulah; she had remembered the +matron's words, and stopped just at the verge of the woods, whence +she could see the white palings of the asylum. Above her the winter +breeze moaned and roared in the pine tops; it was the sad but dearly +loved forest music that she so often stole out to listen to. Every +breath which sighed through the emerald boughs seemed to sweep a +sympathetic chord in her soul, and she raised her arms toward the +trees as though she longed to clasp the mighty musical box of nature +to her heart. The far-off blue of a cloudless sky looked in upon +her, like a watchful guardian; the sunlight fell slantingly, now +mellowing the brown leaves and knotted trunks, and now seeming to +shun the darker spots and recesses where shadows lurked. For a time +the girl forgot all but the quiet and majestic beauty of the scene. +She loved nature as only those can whose sources of pleasure have +been sadly curtailed, and her heart went out, so to speak, after +birds, and trees, and flowers, sunshine and stars, and the voices of +sweeping winds. An open volume lay on her lap; it was Longfellow's +Poems, the book Eugene had sent her, and leaves were turned down at +"Excelsior" and the "Psalm of Life." The changing countenance +indexed very accurately the emotions which were excited by this +communion with Nature. There was an uplifted look, a brave, glad, +hopeful light in the gray eyes, generally so troubled in their +expression. A sacred song rose on the evening air, a solemn but +beautiful hymn. She sang the words of the great strength-giving +poet, the "Psalm of Life": + + "Tell me not in mournful numbers, + Life is but an empty dream; + For the soul is dead that slumbers, + And things are not what they seem." + +It was wonderful what power and sweetness there was in her voice; +burst after burst of rich melody fell from her trembling lips. Her +soul echoed the sentiments of the immortal bard, and she repeated +again and again the fifth verse: + + "In the world's broad field of battle, + In the bivouac of life; + Be not like dumb, driven cattle, + Be a hero in the strife." + +Intuitively she seemed to feel that an hour of great trial was at +hand, and this was a girding for the combat. With the shield of a +warm, hopeful heart, and the sword of a strong, unfaltering will, +she awaited the shock; but as she concluded her song the head bowed +itself upon her arms, the shadow of the unknown, lowering future had +fallen upon her face, and only the Great Shepherd knew what passed +the pale lips of the young orphan. She was startled by the sharp +bark of a dog, and, looking up, saw a gentleman leaning against a +neighboring tree, and regarding her very earnestly. He came forward +as she perceived him, and said with a pleasant smile: + +"You need not be afraid of my dog. Like his master, he would not +disturb you till you finished your song. Down, Carlo; be quiet, sir. +My little friend, tell me who taught you to sing." + +She had hastily risen, and a slight glow tinged her cheek at his +question. Though naturally reserved and timid, there was a self- +possession about her unusual in children of her age, and she +answered in a low voice, "I have never had a teacher, sir; but I +listen to the choir on Sabbath, and sing our Sunday-school hymns at +church." + +"Do you know who wrote those words you sang just now? I was not +aware they had been set to music." + +"I found them in this book yesterday, and liked them so much that I +tried to sing them by one of our hymn tunes." She held up the volume +as she spoke. + +He glanced at the title, and then looked curiously at her. Beulah +chanced just then to turn toward the asylum, and saw one of the +oldest girls running across the common. The shadow on her face +deepened, and she looked around for Claudia and Lillian. They had +tired of sliding, and were busily engaged picking up pine burrs at +some little distance in the rear. + +"Come, Claudy--Lilly--our matron has sent for us; come, make haste." + +"Do you belong to the asylum?" asked the gentleman, shaking the +ashes from his cigar. + +"Yes, sir," answered she, and, as the children came up, she bowed +and turned homeward. + +"Wait a moment. Those are not your sisters, certainly?" His eyes +rested with unfeigned admiration on their beautiful faces. + +"This one is, sir; that is not." As she spoke she laid her hand on +Lillian's head. Claudia looked shyly at the stranger, and then, +seizing Beulah's dress, exclaimed: + +"Oh, Beulah, don't let us go just yet! I left such a nice, splendid +pile of burrs!" + +"Yes, we must go; yonder comes Katy for us. Good-evening, sir." + +"Good-evening, my little friend. Some of these days I shall come to +the asylum to see you all, and have you sing that song again." + +She made no reply, but, catching her sister's hand, walked rapidly +homeward. Katy delivered Mrs. Williams' message, and assured Beulah +she must make haste, for Miss Dorothy was displeased that the +children were absent. + +"What! is she there again, the hateful--" + +Beulah's hand was over Claudia's mouth, and prevented the remainder +of the sentence. That short walk was painful, and conflicting hopes +and fears chased each other in the sister's heart, as she tightened +her hold on Lilly's hand. + +"Oh, what a beautiful carriage!" cried Claudia, as they approached +the door, and descried an elegant carriage, glittering with silver +mountings, and drawn by a pair of spirited black horses. + +"Yes, that it is, and there is a lady and gentleman here who must +be very rich, judging from their looks. They brought Miss White." + +"What do they want, Katy?" asked Claudia. + +"I don't know for certain, though I have my own thoughts," answered +the girl, with a knowing laugh that grated on Beulah's ears. + +"Here, Beulah, bring them to the dormitory," said Mrs. Williams, +meeting them at the door and hurrying them upstairs. She hastily +washed Claudia's face and recurled her hair, while the same offices +were performed for Lillian by her sister. + +"Don't rub my hand so hard; you hurt," cried out Claudia sharply, as +in perfect silence, and with an anxious countenance, the kind matron +dressed her. + +"I only want to get it white and clean, beauty," was the +conciliatory reply. + +"Well, I tell you that won't come off, because it's turpentine," +retorted the self-willed little elf. + +"Come, Beulah; bring Lilly along. Miss White is out of patience." + +"What does all this mean?" said Beulah, taking her sister's hand. + +"Don't ask me, poor child." As she spoke the good woman ushered the +trio into the reception room. None of the other children were +present. Beulah noted this circumstance, and, drawing a long breath, +looked around. + +Miss White was eagerly talking to a richly dressed and very pretty +woman, while a gentleman stood beside them, impatiently twirling his +seal and watch-key. + +All looked up, and Miss White exclaimed: + +"Here they are! Now my dear Mrs. Grayson, I rather think you can be +suited. Come here, little ones." She drew Claudia to her side, while +Lilly clung closer to her sister. + +"Oh, what beauties! Only look at them, Alfred!" Mrs. Grayson glanced +eagerly from one to the other. + +"Very pretty children, indeed, my dear. Extremely pretty; +particularly the black-eyed one," answered her husband, with far +less ecstasy. + +"I don't know; I believe I admire the golden-haired one most. She is +a perfect fairy. Come here, my love, and let me talk to you," +continued she, addressing Lilly. The child clasped her sister's +fingers more firmly, and did not advance an inch. + +"Do not hold her, Beulah. Come to the lady, Lillian," said Miss +White. As Beulah gently disengaged her hand, she felt as if the +anchor of hope had been torn from her hold; but, stooping down, she +whispered: + +"Go to the lady, Lilly darling; I will not leave you." + +Thus encouraged, the little figure moved slowly forward, and paused +in front of the stranger. Mrs. Grayson took her small, white hands +tenderly, and, pressing a warm kiss on her lips, said in a kind, +winning tone: + +"What is your name, my dear?" + +"Lillian, ma'am; but sister calls me Lilly." + +"Who is 'sister'--little Claudia here?" + +"Oh, no; sister Beulah." And the soft blue eyes turned lovingly +toward that gentle sister. + +"Good Heavens, Alfred; how totally unlike! This is one of the most +beautiful children I have ever seen, and that girl yonder is ugly," +said the lady, in an undertone to her husband, who was talking to +Claudia. It was said in a low voice, but Beulah heard every +syllable, and a glow of shame for an instant bathed her brow. +Claudia heard it too, and, springing from Mr. Grayson's knee, she +exclaimed angrily: + +"She isn't ugly, any such thing; she is the smartest girl in the +asylum, and I love her better than anybody in the world." + +"No, Beulah is not pretty, but she is good, and that is far better," +said the matron, laying her trembling hand on Beulah's shoulder. A +bitter smile curled the girl's lips, but she did not move her eyes +from Lillian's face. + +"Fanny, if you select that plain-spoken little one you will have +some temper to curb," suggested Mr. Grayson, somewhat amused by +Claudia's burst of indignation. + +"Oh, my dear husband, I must have them both. Only fancy how lovely +they will be, dressed exactly alike. My little Lilly, and you +Claudia, will you come and be my daughters? I shall love you very +much, and that gentleman will be your papa. He is very kind. You +shall have big wax dolls, as high as your heads, and doll-houses, +and tea-sets, and beautiful blue and pink silk dresses, and every +evening I shall take you out to ride in my carriage. Each of you +shall have a white hat, with long, curling feathers. Will you come +and live with me, and let me be your mamma?" + +Beulah's face assumed an ashen hue, as she listened to these coaxing +words. She had not thought of separation; the evil had never +presented itself in this form, and, staggering forward, she clutched +the matron's dress, saying hoarsely: + +"Oh, don't separate us! Don't let them take Lilly from me! I will do +anything on earth, I will work my hands off. Oh, do anything, but +please, oh, please, don't give Lilly up. My own darling Lilly." + +Claudia here interrupted: "I should like to go well enough, if you +will take Beulah too. Lil, are you going?" + +"No, no." Lillian broke away from the stranger's clasping arm and +rushed toward her sister; but Miss White sat between them, and, +catching the child, she firmly, though very gently, held her back. +Lilly was very much afraid of her, and, bursting into tears, she +cried imploringly: + +"Oh, sister! take me, take me!" + +Beulah sprang to her side, and said, almost fiercely: "Give her to +me; she is mine, and you have no right to part us." She extended her +arms toward the little form struggling to reach her. + +"The managers have decided that it is for the child's good that Mrs. +Grayson should adopt her. We dislike very much to separate sisters, +but it cannot be avoided; whole families can't be adopted by one +person, and you must not interfere. She will soon be perfectly +satisfied away from you, and instead of encouraging her to be +rebellious, you ought to coax her to behave and go peaceably," +replied Miss White, still keeping Beulah at arm's length. + +"You let go Lilly, you hateful, ugly, old thing you! She shan't go +if she don't want to? She does belong to Beulah," cried Claudia, +striding up and laying her hand on Lilly's arm. + +"You spoiled, insolent little wretch!" muttered Miss White, +crimsoning to the roots of her fiery hair. + +"I am afraid they will not consent to go. Fanny, suppose you take +Claudia; the other seems too reluctant," said Mr. Grayson, looking +at his watch. + +"But I do so want that little blue-eyed angel. Cannot the matron +influence her?" She turned to her as she spoke. Thus appealed to, +Mrs. Williams took the child in her arms, and caressed her tenderly. + +"My dear little Lilly, you must not cry and struggle so. Why will +you not go with this kind lady? She will love you very much." + +"Oh, I don't want to!" sobbed she, pressing her wet cheeks against +the matron's shoulder. + +"But, Lilly love, you shall have everything you want. Kiss me, like +a sweet girl, and say you will go to my beautiful home. I will give +you a cage full of the prettiest canary birds you ever looked at. +Don't you love to ride? My carriage is waiting at the door. You and +Claudia will have such a nice time." Mrs. Grayson knelt beside her, +and kissed her tenderly; still she clung closer to the matron. + +Beulah had covered her face with her hands, and stood trembling like +a weed bowed before the rushing gale. She knew that neither +expostulation nor entreaty would avail now, and she resolved to bear +with fortitude what she could not avert. Lifting her head, she said +slowly: + +"If I must give up my sister, let me do so as quietly as possible. +Give her to me; then perhaps she will go more willingly. Do not +force her away! Oh, do not force her!" + +As she uttered these words her lips were white and cold, and the +agonized expression of her face made Mrs. Grayson shiver. + +"Lilly, my darling! My own precious darling!" She bent over her +sister, and the little arms clasped her neck tightly, as she lifted +and bore her back to the dormitory. + +"You may get their clothes ready, Mrs. Williams. Rest assured, my +dear Mrs. Grayson, they will go now without any further difficulty. +Of course we dislike to separate sisters, but it can't be helped +sometimes. If you like, I will show you over the asylum while the +children are prepared." Miss White led the way to the schoolroom. + +"I am very dubious about that little one. Fanny, how will you ever +manage two such dispositions, one all tears and the other all fire +and tow?" said Mr. Grayson. + +"A truce to your fears, Alfred. We shall get on charmingly after the +first few days. How proud I shall be with such jewels!" Beulah sat +down on the edge of the blue-curtained bed, and drew her idol close +to her heart. She kissed the beautiful face, and smoothed the golden +curls she had so long and so lovingly arranged, and, as the child +returned her kisses, she felt as if rude hands were tearing her +heart-strings loose. But she knew she must give her up. There was no +effort within her power which could avail to keep her treasure, and +that brave spirit nerved itself. Not a tear dimmed her eye, not a +sob broke from her colorless lips. + +"Lilly, my own little sister, you must not cry any more. Let me wash +your face; you will make your head ache if you cry so." + +"Oh, Beulah! I don't want to go away from you." + +"My darling, I know you don't; but you will have a great many things +to make you happy, and I shall come to see you as often as I can. I +can't bear to have you go, either; but I cannot help it, and I want +you to go quietly, and be so good that the lady will love you." + +"But to-night, when I go to bed, you will not be there to hear me +say my prayers. Oh, sister! why can't you go?" + +"They do not want me, my dear Lilly; but you can kneel down and say +your prayers, and God will hear you just as well as if you were here +with me, and I will ask Him to love you all the more, and take care +of you--" + +Here a little arm stole round poor Beulah's neck, and Claudia +whispered with a sob: + +"Will you ask Him to love me too?" + +"Yes, Claudy; I will." + +"We will try to be good. Oh, Beulah--I love you so much, so very +much!" The affectionate child pressed her lips repeatedly to +Beulah's bloodless cheek. + +"Claudy, if you love me, you must be kind to my little Lilly. When +you see that she is sad, and crying for me, you must coax her to be +as contented as possible, and always speak gently to her. Will you +do this for Beulah?" + +"Yes, that I will! I promise you I will, and, what is more, I will +fight for her! I boxed that spiteful Charley's ears the other day +for vexing her, and I will scratch anybody's eyes out that dares to +scold her. This very morning I pinched Maggie black and blue for +bothering her, and I tell you I shall not let anybody impose on +her." The tears dried in her brilliant eyes, and she clinched her +little fist with an exalted opinion of her protective powers. + +"Claudy, I do not ask you to fight for her; I want you to love her. +Oh, love her! always be kind to her," murmured Beulah. + +"I do love her better than anything in the world, don't I, Lilly +dear!" She softly kissed one of the child's hands. + +At this moment the matron entered, with a large bundle neatly +wrapped. Her eyes were red, and there were traces of tears on her +cheek. Looking tenderly down upon the trio, she said very gently: + +"Come, my pets; they will not wait any longer for you. I hope you +will try to be good, and love each other, and Beulah shall come to +see you." She took Claudia's hand and led her down the steps. Beulah +lifted her sister, and carried her in her arms, as she had done from +her birth, and at every step kissed her lips and brow. + +Mr. and Mrs. Grayson were standing at the front door; they both +looked pleased, as Lilly had ceased crying, and the carriage door +was opened to admit them. + +"Ah, my dears, now for a nice ride; Claudia, jump in," said Mr. +Grayson, extending his hand to assist her. She paused, kissed her +kind matron, and then approached Beulah. She could not bear to leave +her, and, as she threw her arms around her, sobbed out: + +"Good-by, dear, good Beulah. I will take care of Lilly. Please love +me, and ask God for me too." She was lifted into the carriage with +tears streaming over her face. + +Beulah drew near to Mrs. Grayson, and said in a low but imploring +tone: + +"Oh, madam, love my sister, and always speak affectionately to her, +then she will be good and obedient. I may come to see her often, may +I not?" + +"Certainly," replied the lady, in a tone which chilled poor Beulah's +heart. She swallowed a groan of agony, and, straining the loved one +to her bosom, pressed her lips to Lilly's. + +"God bless my little sister, my darling, my all!" She put the child +in Mr. Grayson's extended arms, and only saw that her sister looked +back appealingly to her. Miss White came up and said something which +she did not hear, and, turning hastily away, she went up to the +dormitory, and seated herself on Lilly's vacant bed. The child knew +not how the hours passed; she sat with her face buried in her hands, +until the light of a candle flashed into the darkened chamber, and +the kind voice of the matron fell on her ear. + +"Beulah, will you try to eat some supper? Do, dear." + +"No, thank you, I don't want anything." + +"Poor child, I would have saved you all this had it been in my +power; but, when once decided by the managers, you know I could not +interfere. They disliked to separate you and Lily, but thought that, +under the circumstances, it was the best arrangement they could +make. Beulah, I want to tell you something, if you will listen to +me." She seated herself on the edge of the bed, and took one of the +girl's hands between both hers. + +"The managers think it is best that you should go out and take a +situation. I am sorry I am forced to give you up, very sorry, for +you have always been a good girl, and I love you dearly; but these +things cannot be avoided, and I hope all will turn out for the best. +There is a place engaged for you, and Miss White wishes you to go +to-morrow. I trust you will not have a hard time. You are to take +care of an infant, and they will give you six dollars a month +besides your board and clothes. Try to do your duty, child, and +perhaps something may happen which will enable you to turn teacher." + +"Well, I will do the best I can. I do not mind work, but then Lilly- +-" Her head went down on her arms once more. + +"Yes, dear, I know it is very hard for you to part with her; but +remember, it is for her good. Mr. Grayson is very wealthy, and of +course Lilly and Claudy will have--" + +"And what is money to my--" Again she paused abruptly. + +"Ah, child, you do not begin to know! Money is everything in this +world to some people, and more than the next to other poor souls. +Well, well, I hope it will prove for the best as far as you are +concerned. It is early yet, but maybe you had better go to bed, as +you are obliged to leave in the morning." + +"I could not sleep." + +"God will help you, dear child, if you try to do your duty. All of +us have sorrows, and if yours have begun early, they may not last +long. Poor little thing, I shall always remember you in my prayers." +She kissed her gently, and left her, hoping that solitude would +soothe her spirits. Miss White's words rang in the girl's ears like +a knell. "She will soon be perfectly satisfied away from you." + +Would she? Could that idolized sister learn to do without her, and +love her new friends as fondly as the untiring one who had cradled +her in her arms for six long years? A foreboding dread hissed +continually, "Do you suppose the wealthy and fashionable Mrs. +Grayson, who lives in that elegant house on ---- street, will suffer +her adopted daughter to associate intimately with a hired nurse?" + +Again the light streamed into the room. She buried her face deeper +in her apron. + +"Beulah," said a troubled, anxious voice. + +"Oh, Eugene!" She sprang up with a dry sob, and threw herself into +his arms. + +"I know it all, dear Beulah; but come down to Mrs. Williams' room; +there is a bright fire there, and your hands are as cold as ice. You +will make yourself sick sitting here without even a shawl around +you." He led her downstairs to the room occupied by the matron, who +kindly took her work to the dining room, and left them to talk +unrestrainedly. + +"Sit down in this rocking-chair and warm your hands." + +He seated himself near her, and as the firelight glowed on the faces +of both, they contrasted strangely. One was classical and full of +youthful beauty, the other wan, haggard, and sorrow-stained. He +looked about sixteen, and promised to become a strikingly handsome +man, while the proportions of his polished brow indicated more than +ordinary intellectual endowments. He watched his companion +earnestly, sadly, and, leaning forward, took one of her hands. + +"Beulah, I see from your face that you have not shed a single tear. +I wish you would not keep your sorrow so pent up in your heart. It +grieves me to see you look as you do now." + +"Oh, I can't help it! If it were not for you I believe I should die, +I am so very miserable. Eugene, if you could have seen our Lilly +cling to me, even to the last moment. It seems to me my heart will +break." She sank her weary head on his shoulder. + +"Yes, darling, I know you are suffering very much; but remember that +'all things work together for good to them that love God.' Perhaps +he sees it is best that you should give her up for a while, and if +so, will you not try to bear it cheerfully, instead of making +yourself sick with useless grief?" He gently smoothed the hair from +her brow as he spoke. She did not reply. He did not expect that she +would, and continued in the same kind tone: + +"I am much more troubled about your taking this situation. If I had +known it earlier I would have endeavored to prevent it; but I +suppose it cannot be helped now, for a while at least." + +"As soon as possible I am determined you shall go to school; and +remember, dear Beulah, I am just as much grieved at your sorrows as +you are. In a few years I shall have a home of my own, and you shall +be the first to come to it. Never mind these dark, stormy days. Do +you remember what our minister said in his sermon last Sunday? 'The +darkest hour is just before daybreak.' Already I begin to see the +'silver lining' of clouds that a few years, or even months ago, +seemed heavy and cheerless. I have heard a great deal about the ills +and trials of this world, but I think a brave, hopeful spirit will +do much toward remedying the evil. For my part, I look forward to +the time when you and I shall have a home of our own, and then Lilly +and Claudy can be with us. I was talking to Mrs. Mason about it +yesterday; she loves you very much. I dare say all will be right; so +cheer up, Beulah, and do look on the bright side." + +"Eugene, you are the only bright side I have to look on. Sometimes I +think you will get tired of me, and if you ever do I shall want to +die. Oh, how could I bear to know you did not love me!" She raised +her head and looked earnestly at his noble face. + +Eugene laughingly repeated her words. + +"Get tired of you, indeed--not I, little sister." + +"Oh, I forgot to thank you for your book. I like it better than +anything I ever read. Some parts are so beautiful--so very grand. I +keep it in my basket, and read every moment I can spare." + +"I knew you would like it, particularly 'Excelsior.' Beulah, I have +written 'excelsior' on my banner, and I intend, like that noble +youth, to press forward over every obstacle, mounting at every step, +until I, too, stand on the highest pinnacle, and plant my banner +where its glorious motto shall float over the world. That poem stirs +my very soul like martial music, and I feel as if I should like to +see Mr. Longfellow, to tell him how I thank him for having written +it. I want you to mark the passages you like best; and, now I think +of it, here is a pencil I cut for you to-day." + +He drew it from his pocket and put it into her hand, while his face +glowed with enthusiasm. + +"Thank you, thank you." Grateful tears sprang to her eyes; tears +which acute suffering could not wring from her. He saw the gathering +drops, and said gayly: + +"If that is the way you intend to thank me I shall bring you no more +pencils. But you look very pale, and ought to be asleep, for I have +no doubt to-morrow will be a trying day for you. Do exert yourself +to be brave, and bear it all for a little while; I know it will not +be very long, and I shall come and see you just as often as +possible." + +He rose as he spoke. + +"Are you obliged to go so soon? Can't you stay with me a little +longer?" pleaded Beulah. + +The boy's eyes filled as he looked at the beseeching, haggard face, +and he answered hastily: + +"Not to-night, Beulah; you must go to sleep--you need it sadly." + +"You will be cold walking home. Let me get you a shawl." + +"No, I left my overcoat in the hall--here it is." + +She followed him out to the door, as he drew it on and put on his +cap. The moonlight shone over the threshold, and he thought she +looked ghostly as it fell upon her face. He took her hand, pressed +it gently, and said: + +"Good-night, dear Beulah." + +"Good-by, Eugene. Do come and see me again, soon." + +"Yes, I will. Don't get low-spirited as soon as I am out of sight, +do you hear?" + +"Yes, I hear; I will try not to complain. Walk fast and keep warm." + +She pressed his hand affectionately, watched his receding form as +long as she could trace its outline, and then went slowly back to +the dormitory. Falling on her knees by the side of Lilly's empty +couch, she besought God, in trembling accents, to bless her "darling +little sister and Claudy," and to give her strength to perform all +her duties contentedly and cheerfully. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +Beulah stood waiting on the steps of the large mansion to which she +had been directed by Miss Dorothea White. Her heart throbbed +painfully, and her hand trembled as she rang the bell. The door was +opened by a negro waiter, who merely glanced at her, and asked +carelessly: + +"Well, little miss, what do you want?" + +"Is Mrs. Martin at home?" + +"Yes, miss; come, walk in. There is but a poor fire in the front +parlor--suppose you sit down in the back room. Mrs. Martin will be +down in a minute." + +The first object which arrested Beulah's attention was a center +table covered with books. "Perhaps," thought she, "they will permit +me to read some of them." While she sat looking over the titles the +rustle of silk caused her to glance around, and she saw Mrs. Martin +quite near her. + +"Good-morning," said the lady, with a searching look, which made the +little figure tremble. + +"Good-morning, madam." + +"You are the girl Miss White promised to send from the asylum, are +you not?" + +"Yes, madam." + +"Do you think you can take good care of my baby?" + +"Oh, I will try." + +"You don't look strong and healthy--have you been sick?" + +"No; I am very well, thank you." + +"I may want you to sew some, occasionally, when the baby is asleep. +Can you hem and stitch neatly?" + +"I believe I sew very well, madam--our matron says so." + +"What is your name? Miss White told me, but I have forgotten it." + +"Beulah Benton." + +"Well, Beulah, I think you will suit me very well, if you are only +careful and attend to my directions. I am just going out shopping, +but you can come upstairs and take charge of Johnny. Where are your +clothes?" + +"Our matron will send them to-day." + +Beulah followed Mrs. Martin up the steps, somewhat reassured by her +kind reception. The room was in utter confusion, the toilet-table +covered with powder, hairpins, bows of different colored ribbon, and +various bits of jewelry; the hearth unswept, the workstand groaning +beneath the superincumbent mass of sewing, finished and unfinished +garments, working materials, and, to crown the whole, the lady's +winter hat. A girl, apparently about thirteen years of age, was +seated by the fire, busily embroidering a lamp-mat; another, some +six years younger, was dressing a doll; while an infant, five or six +months old, crawled about the carpet, eagerly picking up pins, +needles, and every other objectionable article his little purple +fingers could grasp. + +"Take him, Beulah," said the mother. + +She stooped to comply, and was surprised that the little fellow +testified no fear of her. She raised him in her arms, and kissed his +rosy cheeks, as he looked wonderingly at her. + +"Ma, is that Johnny's new nurse? What is her name?" said the +youngest girl, laying down her doll and carefully surveying the +stranger. + +"Yes, Annie; and her name is Beulah," replied the mother, adjusting +her bonnet. + +"Beulah--it's about as pretty as her face. Yes, just about," +continued Annie, in an audible whisper to her sister. The latter +gave Beulah a condescending stare, curled her lips disdainfully, +and, with a polite "Mind your own business, Annie," returned to her +embroidery. + +"Keep the baby by the fire; and if he frets you must feed him. +Laura, show her where to find his cup of arrowroot, and you and +Annie stay here till I come home." + +"No, indeed, ma, I can't; for I must go down and practice my music +lesson," answered the eldest daughter decisively. + +"Well, then, Annie, stay in my room." + +"I am going to make some sugar-candy, ma. She"--pointing to Beulah-- +"can take care of Johnny. I thought that was what you hired her +for." + +"You will make no sugar-candy till I come home, Miss Annie; do you +hear that? Now, mind what I said to you." + +Mrs. Martin rustled out of the room, leaving Annie to scowl +ominously at the new nurse, and vent her spleen by boxing her doll, +because the inanimate little lady would not keep her blue-bead eyes +open. Beulah loved children, and Johnny forcibly reminded her of +earlier days, when she had carried Lilly about in her arms. For some +time after the departure of Mrs. Martin and Laura, the little fellow +seemed perfectly satisfied, but finally grew fretful, and Beulah +surmised he might be hungry. + +"Will you please give me the baby's arrowroot?" + +"I don't know anything about it; ask Harrison." + +"Who is Harrison?" + +"Why, the cook." + +Glancing around the room, she found the arrowroot; the boy was fed, +and soon fell asleep. Beulah sat in a low rocking-chair, by the +hearth, holding the infant, and watching the little figure opposite. +Annie was trying to fit a new silk waist to her doll, but it was too +broad one way and too narrow another. She twisted and jerked it +divers ways, but all in vain; and at last, disgusted by the +experiment, she tore it off and aimed it at the fire, with an +impatient cry. + +"The plagued, bothering, ugly thing! My Lucia never shall wear such +a fit." + +Beulah caught the discarded waist, and said quietly: + +"You can very easily make it fit, by taking up this seam and cutting +it out in the neck." + +"I don't believe it." + +"Then, hand me the doll and the scissors, and I will show you." + +"Her name is Miss Lucia-di-Lammermoor. Mr. Green named her. Don't +say 'doll'; call her by her proper name," answered the spoiled +child, handing over the unfortunate waxen representative of a not +less unfortunate heroine. + +"Well, then, Miss Lucia-di-Lammermoor," said Beulah, smiling. A few +alterations reduced the dress to proper dimensions, and Annie +arrayed her favorite in it, with no slight degree of satisfaction. +The obliging manner of the new nurse won her heart, and she began to +chat pleasantly enough. About two o'clock Mrs. Martin returned, +inquired after Johnny, and again absented herself to "see about +dinner." Beulah was very weary of the close, disordered room, and as +the babe amused himself with his ivory rattle, she swept the floor, +dusted the furniture, and arranged the chairs. The loud ringing of a +bell startled her, and she conjectured dinner was ready. Some time +elapsed before any of the family returned, and then Laura entered, +looking very sullen. She took charge of the babe, and rather +ungraciously desired the nurse to get her dinner. + +"I do not wish any," answered Beulah. + +At this stage of the conversation the door opened, and a boy, +seemingly about Eugene's age, entered the room. He looked curiously +at Beulah, inclined his head slightly, and joined his sister at the +fire. + +"How do you like her, Laura?" he asked, in a distinct undertone. + +"Oh, I suppose she will do well enough! but she is horribly ugly," +replied Laura, in a similar key. + +"I don't know, sis. It is what Dr. Patton, the lecturer on +physiognomy, would call a 'striking' face." + +"Yes, strikingly ugly, Dick. Her forehead juts over, like the eaves +of the kitchen, and her eyebrows--" + +"Hush! she will hear you. Come down and play that new waltz for me, +like a good sister." The two left the room. Beulah had heard every +word; she could not avoid it, and as she recalled Mrs. Grayson's +remark concerning her appearance on the previous day, her +countenance reflected her intense mortification. She pressed her +face against the window-pane and stared vacantly out. The elevated +position commanded a fine view of the town, and on the eastern +horizon the blue waters of the harbor glittered with "silvery +sheen." At any other time, and with different emotions, Beulah's +love of the beautiful would have been particularly gratified by this +extended prospect; but now the whole possessed no charms for her +darkened spirit. For the moment, earth was black-hued to her gaze; +she only saw "horribly ugly" inscribed on sky and water. Her soul +seemed to leap forward and view nearer the myriad motes that floated +in the haze of the future. She leaned over the vast whirring lottery +wheel of life, and saw a blank come up, with her name stamped upon +it. But the grim smile faded from her lips, and brave endurance +looked out from the large, sad eyes, as she murmured, + + "Be not like dumb, driven cattle, Be a hero in the strife." + +"If I am ugly, God made me so, and I know 'He doeth all things +well.' I will not let it bother me; I will try not to think of it. +But, oh! I am so glad, I thank God that he made my Lilly beautiful. +She will never have to suffer as I do now. My own darling Lilly!" +Large drops glistened in her eyes; she rarely wept; but though the +tears did not fall, they gathered often in the gray depths. The +evening passed very quietly; Mr. Martin was absent in a distant +State, whither, as traveling agent for a mercantile house, he was +often called. After tea, when little Johnny had been put to sleep in +his crib, Mrs. Martin directed Annie to show the nurse her own room. +Taking a candle, the child complied, and her mother ordered one of +the servants to carry up the trunk containing Beulah's clothes. Up, +up two weary, winding flights of steps, the little Annie toiled, +and, pausing at the landing of the second, pointed to a low attic +chamber, lighted by dormer windows on the east and west. The floor +was uncovered; the furniture consisted of a narrow trundle-bed, a +washstand, a cracked looking-glass suspended from a nail, a small +deal table, and a couple of chairs. There were, also, some hooks +driven into the wall, to hang clothes upon. + +"You need not be afraid to sleep here, because the boarders occupy +the rooms on the floor below this; and besides, you know robbers +never get up to the garret," said Annie, glancing around the +apartment, and shivering with an undefined dread, rather than with +cold, though her nose and fingers were purple, and this garret +chamber possessed neither stove nor chimney. + +"I am not afraid; but this is only one garret room. Are the others +occupied?" + +"Yes--by carpets in summer and rats in winter," laughed Annie. + +"I suppose I may have a candle?" said Beulah, as the porter +deposited her trunk and withdrew. + +"Yes, this one is for you. Ma is always uneasy about fire, so don't +set anything in a blaze to keep yourself warm. Here, hold the light +at the top of the steps till I get down to the next floor, then +there is a hall-lamp. Good-night." + +"Good-night." Beulah bolted the door, and surveyed her new +apartment. Certainly it was sufficiently cheerless, but its isolated +position presented to her a redeeming feature. Thought she, "I can +sit up here, and read just as late as I please. Oh! I shall have so +much time to myself these long, long nights." Unpacking her trunk, +she hung her dresses on the hooks, placed the books Mrs. Mason and +Eugene had given her on the table, and, setting the candle beside +them, smiled in anticipation of the many treats in store for her. +She read several chapters in her Bible, and then, as her head ached +and her eyes grew heavy, she sank upon her knees. Ah! what an +earnest, touching petition ascended to the throne of the Father; +prayers, first for Lilly and Claudia, and lastly for herself. + +"Help me, O Lord! not to be troubled and angry when I hear that I am +so ugly; and make me remember that I am your child." Such was her +final request, and she soon slept soundly, regardless of the fact +that she was now thrown upon the wide, though not altogether cold or +unloving, world. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + +Day after day passed monotonously, and, except a visit from Eugene, +there was no link added to the chain which bound Beulah to the past. +That brief visit encouraged and cheered the lonely heart, yearning +for affectionate sympathy, yet striving to hush the hungry cry and +grow contented with its lot. During the second week of her stay +little Johnny was taken sick, and he had become so fond of his new +attendant that no one else was permitted to hold him. Often she +paced the chamber floor for hours, lulling the fretful babe with +softly sung tunes of other days, and the close observer, who could +have peered at such times into the downcast eyes, might have easily +traced in the misty depths memories that nestled in her heart's +sanctuary. The infant soon recovered, and one warm, sunny afternoon, +when Mrs. Martin directed Beulah to draw him in his wicker carriage +up and down the pavement before the door, she could no longer +repress the request which had trembled on her lips more than once, +and asked permission to take her little charge to Mrs. Grayson's. A +rather reluctant assent was given, and soon the carriage was drawn +in the direction of Mr. Grayson's elegant city residence. A +marvelous change came over the wan face of the nurse as she paused +at the marble steps, guarded on either side by sculptured lions. "To +see Lilly." The blood sprang to her cheeks, and an eager look of +delight crept into the eyes. The door was partially opened by an +insolent-looking footman, whose hasty glance led him to suppose her +one of the numerous supplicants for charity, who generally left that +princely mansion as empty-handed as they came. He was about to close +the door; but, undaunted by this reception, she hastily asked to see +Mrs. Grayson and Lillian Benton. + +"Mrs. Grayson is engaged, and there is no such person here as +Lillian Benton. Miss Lilly Grayson is my young mistress' name; but I +can tell you, her mamma don't suffer her to see the like of you; so +be off." + +"Lilly is my sister, and I must see her. Tell Mrs. Grayson Beulah +Benton wishes to see her sister; and ask her also if Claudia may not +see me." + +She dropped the tongue of the carriage, and the thin hands clutched +each other in an agony of dread, lest her petition should be +refused. The succeeding five minutes seemed an eternity to her, and, +as the door opened again, she leaned forward and held her breath, +like one whose fate was in the balance. Costly silk and dazzling +diamonds met her gaze. The settled lines of Mrs. Grayson's pretty +mouth indicated that she had a disagreeable duty to perform, yet had +resolved to do it at once, and set the matter forever at rest. + +"You are Mrs. Martin's nurse, I believe, and the girl I saw at the +asylum?" said she frigidly. + +"Yes, madam; I am Lilly's sister; you said I might come and see her. +Oh, if you only knew how miserable I have been since we were parted, +you would not look so coldly at me! Do, please, let me see her. Oh, +don't deny me!" + +These words were uttered in a tone of imploring agony. + +"I am very sorry you happen to be her sister, and I assure you, +child, it pains me to refuse you; but, when you remember the +circumstances, you ought not to expect to associate with her as you +used to do. She will be educated to move in a circle very far above +you; and you ought to be more than willing to give her up, when you +know how lucky she has been in securing a home of wealth. Besides, +she is getting over the separation very nicely indeed, and if she +were to see you even once it would make matters almost as bad as +ever. I dare say you are a good girl, and will not trouble me any +further. My husband and I are unwilling that you should see Lilly +again; and though I am very sorry I am forced to disappoint you, I +feel that I am doing right." + +The petitioner fell on her knees, and, extending her arms, said +huskily: + +"Oh, madam! are we to be parted forever? I pray you, in the name of +God, let me see her! let me see her!" + +Mrs. Grayson was not a cruel woman, far from it, but she was +strangely weak and worldly. The idea of a hired nurse associating +familiarly with her adopted daughter was repulsive to her +aristocratic pride, and therefore she hushed the tones of true +womanly sympathy, and answered resolutely: + +"It pains me to refuse you; but I have given good reasons, and +cannot think of changing my determination. I hope you will not annoy +me by any future efforts to enter my house. There is a present for +you. Good-evening." + +She tossed a five-dollar gold piece toward the kneeling figure, and, +closing the door, locked it on the inside. The money rolled +ringingly down the steps, and the grating sound of the key, as it +was hurriedly turned, seemed typical of the unyielding lock which +now forever barred the child's hopes. The look of utter despair gave +place to an expression of indescribable bitterness. Springing from +her suppliant posture, she muttered with terrible emphasis: + +"A curse on that woman and her husband! May God answer their prayers +as she has answered mine!" + +Picking up the coin which lay glittering on the sidewalk, she threw +it forcibly against the door, and, as it rebounded into the street, +took the carriage tongue, and slowly retraced her steps. It was not +surprising that passers-by gazed curiously at the stony face, with +its large eyes, brimful of burning hate, as the injured orphan +walked mechanically on, unconscious that her lips were crushed till +purple drops oozed over them. The setting sun flashed his ruddy +beams caressingly over her brow, and whispering winds lifted +tenderly the clustering folds of jetty hair; but nature's pure- +hearted darling had stood over the noxious tarn, whence the +poisonous breath of a corrupt humanity rolled upward, and the once +sinless child inhaled the vapor until her soul was a great boiling +Marah. Ah, truly + +"There are swift hours in life--strong, rushing hours--That do the +work of tempests in their might!" + +Peaceful valleys, green and flowery, sleeping in loveliness, have +been unheaved, and piled in somber, jagged masses, against the sky, +by the fingering of an earthquake; and gentle, loving, trusting +hearts, over whose altars brooded the white-winged messengers of +God's peace, have been as suddenly transformed by a manifestation of +selfishness and injustice, into gloomy haunts of misanthropy. Had +Mrs. Grayson been arraigned for cruelty, or hard-heartedness, before +a tribunal of her equals (i. e., fashionable friends), the charge +would have been scornfully repelled, and unanimous would have been +her acquittal. "Hard-hearted! oh, no! she was only prudent and +wise." Who could expect her to suffer her pampered, inert darling to +meet and acknowledge as an equal the far less daintily fed and +elegantly clad sister, whom God called to labor for her frugal +meals? Ah, this fine-ladyism, this ignoring of labor, to which, in +accordance with the divine decree, all should be subjected: this +false-effeminacy, and miserable affectation of refinement, which +characterizes the age, is the unyielding lock on the wheels of +social reform and advancement. + +Beulah took her charge home, and when dusk came on rocked him to +sleep, and snugly folded the covering of his crib over the little +throbbing heart, whose hours of trial were yet veiled by the +impenetrable curtain of futurity. Mrs. Martin and her elder children +had gone to a concert, and, of course, the nurse was to remain with +Johnny until his mother's return. Standing beside the crib, and +gazing down at the rosy cheeks and curling locks, nestled against +the pillow, Beulah's thoughts winged along the tear-stained past, to +the hour when Lilly had been placed in her arms, by emaciated hands +stiffening in death. For six years she had held, and hushed, and +caressed her dying father's last charge, and now strange, ruthless +fingers had torn the clinging heart-strings from the idol. There +were no sobs, nor groans, to voice the anguish of the desolate +orphan. The glittering eyes were tearless, but the brow was darkly +furrowed, the ashy lips writhed, and the folded hands were purple +from compression. Turning from the crib, she threw up the sash, and +seated herself on the window-sill. Below lay the city, with its +countless lamps gleaming in every direction, and stretching away on +the principal streets, like long processions; in the distance the +dark waters of the river, over which steamboat lights flashed now +and then like ignesfatui; and above her arched the dome of sky, with +its fiery fretwork. Never before had she looked up at the starry +groups without an emotion of exulting joy, of awful adoration. To +her worshiping gaze they had seemed glimpses of the spirit's home; +nay, loving eyes shining down upon her thorny pathway. But now, the +twinkling rays fell unheeded, impotent to pierce the sable clouds of +grief. She sat looking out into the night, with strained eyes that +seemed fastened upon a corpse. An hour passed thus, and, as the +clang of the town clock died away the shrill voice of the watchman +rang through the air: + +"Nine o'clock; and all's well!" + +Beulah lifted her head, and listened. "All's well!" The mockery +maddened her, and she muttered audibly: + +"That is the sort of sympathy I shall have through life. I am to +hear that 'all is well' when my heart is dying, nay, dead within me! +Oh, if I could only die! What a calm, calm time I should have in my +coffin! Nobody to taunt me with my poverty and ugliness! Oh, what +did God make me for? The few years of my life have been full of +misery; I cannot remember one single day of pure happiness, for +there was always something to spoil what little joy I ever knew. +When I was born, why did not I die at once? And why did not God take +me instead of my dear, dear father? He should have been left with +Lilly, for people love the beautiful, but nobody will ever care for +me. I am of no use to anything, and so ugly that I hate myself. O +Lord, I don't want to live another day! I am sick of my life--take +me, take me!" But a feeble ray of comfort stole into her shivering +heart, as she bowed her head upon her hands; Eugene Graham loved +her; and the bleeding tendrils of affection henceforth clasped him +as their only support. She was aroused from her painful reverie by a +movement in the crib, and, hastening to her charge, was startled by +the appearance of the babe. The soft blue eyes were rolled up and +set, the face of a purplish hue, and the delicate limbs convulsed. +During her residence at the asylum she had more than once assisted +the matron in nursing children similarly affected; and now, calling +instantly for a tub of water, she soon immersed the rigid limbs in a +warm bath, while one of the waiters was dispatched for the family +physician. When Dr. Hartwell entered he found her standing with the +infant clasped in her arms, and, as his eyes rested curiously upon +her face, she forgot that he was a stranger, and, springing to meet +him, exclaimed: + +"Oh, sir; will he die?" + +With his fingers on the bounding pulse, he answered: + +"He is very ill. Where is his mother? Who are you?" + +"His mother is at a concert, and I am his nurse." + +The spasms had ceased, but the twitching limbs told that they might +return any moment, and the physician immediately administered a +potion. + +"How long will Mrs. Martin be absent?" + +"It is uncertain. When shall I give the medicine again?" + +"I shall remain until she comes home." + +Beulah was pacing up and down the floor, with Johnny in her arms; +Dr. Hartwell stood on the hearth, leaning his elbow on the +mantelpiece, and watching the slight form as it stole softly to and +fro. Gradually the child became quiet, but his nurse kept up her +walk. Dr. Hartwell said abruptly: + +"Sit down, girl! you will walk yourself into a shadow." + +She lifted her head, shook it in reply, and resumed her measured +tread. + +"What is your name?" + +"Beulah Benton." + +"Beulah!" repeated the doctor, while a smile flitted over his +mustached lip. She observed it, and exclaimed, with bitter emphasis: + +"You need not tell me it is unsuitable; I know it; I feel it. +Beulah! Beulah! Oh, my father! I have neither sunshine nor flowers, +nor hear the singing of birds, nor the voice of the turtle. You +ought to have called me Marah." + +"You have read the 'Pilgrim's Progress' then?" said he, with a +searching glance. + +Either she did not hear him, or was too entirely engrossed by +painful reflection to frame an answer. The despairing expression +settled upon her face, and the broken threads of memory wove on +again. + +"Beulah, how came you here in the capacity of nurse?" + +"I was driven here by necessity." + +"Where are your parents and friends?" + +"I have none. I am alone in the world." + +"How long have you been so dependent?" + +She raised her hand deprecatingly, nay commandingly, as though she +had said: + +"No more. You have not the right to question, nor I the will to +answer." + +He marked the look of unconquerable grief, and, understanding her +gesture, made no more inquiries. + +Soon after, Mrs. Martin returned, and, having briefly stated what +had occurred, and given directions for the child's treatment, he +withdrew. His low "good-night," gently spoken to the nurse, was only +acknowledged by a slight inclination of the head as he passed her. +Little Johnny was restless, and constantly threatened with a return +of the convulsions. His mother held him on her knee, and telling +Beulah she "had been a good, sensible girl to bathe him so +promptly," gave her permission to retire. + +"I am not at all sleepy, and would rather stay here and nurse him. +He does not moan so much when I walk with him. Give him back to me." + +"But you will be tired out." + +"I shall not mind it." Stooping down, she lifted the restless boy, +and, wrapping his cloak about him, commenced the same noiseless +tread. Thus the night waned; occasionally Mrs. Martin rose and felt +her babe's pulse, and assisted in giving the hourly potions, then +reseated herself, and allowed the hireling to walk on. Once she +offered to relieve her, but the arms refused to yield their burden. +A little after four the mother slept soundly in her chair. Gradually +the stars grew dim, and the long, undulating chain of clouds that +girded the eastern horizon kindled into a pale orange that +transformed them into mountains of topaz. Pausing by the window, and +gazing vacantly out, Beulah's eyes were suddenly riveted on the +gorgeous pageant, which untiring nature daily renews, and she stood +watching the masses of vapor painted by coming sunlight, and +floating slowly before the wind, until the "King of Day" flashed up +and dazzled her. Mrs. Martin was awakened by the entrance of a +servant, and starting up, exclaimed: + +"Bless me! I have been asleep. Beulah, how is Johnny? You must be +tired to death." + +"He is sleeping now very quietly; I think he is better; his fever is +not so high. I will take care of him, and you had better take +another nap before breakfast." + +Mrs. Martin obeyed the nurse's injunction, and it was two hours +later when she took her child and directed Beulah to get her +breakfast. But the weary girl felt no desire for the meal, and, +retiring to her attic room, bathed her eyes and replaited her hair. +Kneeling beside her bed, she tried to pray, but the words died on +her lips; and, too miserable to frame a petition, she returned to +the chamber where, in sad vigils, she had spent the night. Dr. +Hartwell bowed as she entered, but the head was bent down, and, +without glancing at him, she took the fretful, suffering child and +walked to the window. While she stood there her eyes fell upon the +loved face of her best friend. Eugene Graham was crossing the +street. For an instant the burning blood surged over her wan, sickly +cheeks, and the pale lips parted in a smile of delight, as she +leaned forward to see whether he was coming in. The door bell rang, +and she sprang from the window, unconscious of the piercing eyes +fastened upon her. Hastily laying little Johnny on his mother's lap, +she merely said, "I will be back soon," and, darting down the steps, +met Eugene at the entrance, throwing her arms around his neck and +hiding her face on his shoulder. + +"What is the matter, Beulah? Do tell me," said he anxiously. + +Briefly she related her fruitless attempt to see Lilly, and pointed +out the nature of the barrier which must forever separate them. +Eugene listened with flashing eyes, and several times the word +"brutal" escaped his lips. He endeavored to comfort her by holding +out hopes of brighter days, but her eyes were fixed on shadows, and +his cheering words failed to call up a smile. They stood in the hall +near the front door, and here Dr. Hartwell found them when he left +the sickroom. Eugene looked up as he approached them, and stepped +forward with a smile of recognition to shake the extended hand. +Beulah's countenance became instantly repellent, and she was turning +away when the doctor addressed her: + +"You must feel very much fatigued from being up all night. I know +from your looks that you did not close your eyes." + +"I am no worse looking than usual, thank you," she replied icily, +drawing back as she spoke, behind Eugene. The doctor left them, and, +as his buggy rolled from the door, Beulah seemed to breathe freely +again. Poor child; her sensitive nature had so often been deeply +wounded by the thoughtless remarks of strangers, that she began to +shrink from all observation, as the surest mode of escaping pain. +Eugene noticed her manner, and, biting his lips with vexation, said +reprovingly: + +"Beulah, you were very rude to Dr. Hartwell. Politeness costs +nothing, and you might at least have answered his question with +ordinary civility." + +Her eyelids drooped, and a tremor passed over her mouth, as she +answered meekly: + +"I did not intend to be rude; but I dread to have people look at or +speak to me." + +"Why, pray?" + +"Because I am so ugly, and they are sure to show me that they see +it." + +He drew his arm protectingly around her, and said gently: "Poor +child; it is cruel to make you suffer so. But rest assured Dr. +Hartwell will never wound your feelings. I have heard that he was a +very stern and eccentric man, though a remarkably learned one, yet I +confess there is something in his manner which fascinates me, and if +you will only be like yourself he will always speak kindly to you. +But I am staying too long. Don't look so forlorn and ghostly. +Positively I hate to come to see you, for somehow your wretched face +haunts me. Here is a book I have just finished; perhaps it will +serve to divert your mind." He put a copy of Irving's "Sketch Book" +in her hand, and drew on his gloves. + +"Oh, Eugene, can't you stay a little longer--just a little longer? +It seems such a great while since you were here." She looked up +wistfully into the handsome, boyish face. + +Drawing out an elegant new watch, he held it before her eyes, and +answered hurriedly: + +"See there; it is ten o'clock, and I am behind my appointment at the +lecture room. Good-by; try to be cheerful. 'What can't be cured must +be endured,' you know, so do not despond, dear Beulah." Shaking her +hand cordially, he ran down the steps. The orphan pressed her hands +tightly over her brow, as if to stay some sudden, painful thought, +and slowly remounted the stairs. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + +Little Johnny's illness proved long and serious, and for many days +and nights he seemed on the verge of the tomb. His wailings were +never hushed except in Beulah's arms, and, as might be supposed, +constant watching soon converted her into a mere shadow of her +former self. Dr. Hartwell often advised rest and fresh air for her, +but the silent shake of her head proved how reckless she was of her +own welfare. Thus several weeks elapsed, and gradually the sick +child grew stronger. One afternoon Beulah sat holding him on her +knee: he had fallen asleep, with one tiny hand clasping hers, and +while he slept she read. Absorbed in the volume Eugene had given +her, her thoughts wandered on with the author, amid the moldering +monuments of Westminster Abbey, and finally the sketch was concluded +by that solemn paragraph: "Thus man passes away; his name perishes +from record and recollection; his history is as a tale that is told, +and his very monument becomes a ruin." Again she read this sad +comment on the vanity of earth and its ephemeral hosts, and her mind +was filled with weird images, that looked out from her earnest eyes. +Dr. Hartwell entered unperceived, and stood for some moments at the +back of her chair, glancing over her shoulder at the last page. At +length she closed the book, and, passing her hand wearily over her +eyes, said audibly: + +"Ah! if we could only have sat down together in that gloomy garret, +and had a long talk! It would have helped us both. Poor Chatterton! +I know just how you felt, when you locked your door and lay down on +your truckle-bed, and swallowed your last draught!" + +"There is not a word about Chatterton in that sketch," said the +doctor. + +She started, looked up, and answered slowly: + +"No, not a word, not a word. He was buried among paupers, you know." + +"What made you think of him?" + +"I thought that instead of resting in the Abbey, under sculptured +marble, his bones were scattered, nobody knows where. I often think +of him." + +"Why?" + +"Because he was so miserable and uncared-for; because sometimes I +feel exactly as he did." As she uttered these words she compressed +her lips in a manner which plainly said, "There, I have no more to +say, so do not question me." + +He had learned to read her countenance, and as he felt the infant's +pulse, pointed to the crib, saying: + +"You must lay him down now; he seems fast asleep." + +"No, I may as well hold him." + +"Girl, will you follow my directions?" said he sharply. + +Beulah looked up at him for a moment, then rose and placed the boy +in his crib, while a sort of grim smile distorted her features. The +doctor mixed some medicine, and, setting the glass on the table, put +both hands in his pockets and walked up to the nurse. Her head was +averted. + +"Beulah, will you be good enough to look at me?" She fixed her eyes +proudly on his, and her beautiful teeth gleamed through the parted +lips. + +"Do you know that Eugene is going away very soon, to be absent at +least five years?" + +An incredulous smile flitted over her face, but the ashen hue of +death settled there. + +"I am in earnest. He leaves for Europe next week, to be gone a long +time." + +She extended her hands pleadingly, and said in a hoarse whisper: + +"Are you sure?" + +"Quite sure; his passage is already engaged in a packet that will +sail early next week. What will become of you in his absence?" + +The strained eyes met his, vacantly; the icy hands dropped, and she +fell forward against him. + +Guy Hartwell placed the slight, attenuated form on the sofa, and +stood with folded arms looking down at the colorless face. His high +white brow clouded, and a fierce light kindled in his piercing dark +eyes, as through closed teeth came the rather indistinct words: + +"It is madness to indulge the thought; I was a fool to dream of it. +She would prove heartless, like all of her sex, and repay me with +black ingratitude. Let her fight the battle of life unaided." + +He sprinkled a handful of water on the upturned face, and in a few +minutes saw the eyelids tremble, and knew from the look of suffering +that with returning consciousness came the keen pangs of grief. She +covered her face with her hands, and, after a little while, asked: + +"Shall I ever see him again?" + +"He will come here to-night to tell you about his trip. But what +will become of you in his absence?--answer me that!" + +"God only knows!" + +Dr. Hartwell wrote the directions for Johnny's medicine, and, +placing the slip of paper on the glass, took his hat and left the +room. Beulah sat with her head pressed against the foot of the crib- +-stunned, taking no note of the lapse of time. + + "Twilight gray + Had in her sober livery all things clad." + +The room had grown dark, save where a mellow ray stole through the +western window. Beulah rose mechanically, lighted the lamp, and +shaded it so as to shield the eyes of the sleeping boy. The door was +open, and, glancing up, she saw Eugene on the threshold. Her arms +were thrown around him, with a low cry of mingled joy and grief. + +"Oh, Eugene! please don't leave me! Whom have I in the world but +you?" + +"Beulah, dear, I must go. Only think of the privilege of being at a +German university! I never dreamed of such a piece of good luck. +Don't cry so; I shall come back some of these days, such an erudite, +such an elegant young man, you will hardly know me. Only five years. +I am almost seventeen now; time passes very quickly, and you will +scarcely miss me before I shall be at home again." + +He lifted up her face, and laughed gayly as he spoke. + +"When are you to go?" + +"The vessel sails Wednesday--three days from now. I shall be very +busy until then. Beulah, what glorious letters I shall write you +from the Old World! I am to see all Europe before I return; that is, +my father says I shall. He is coming on, in two or three years, with +Cornelia, and we are all to travel together. Won't it be glorious?" + +"Yes, for you. But, Eugene, my heart seems to die when I think of +those coming five years. How shall I live without you? Oh, what +shall I do?" + +"There, Beulah! do not look so wretched. You will have a thousand +things to divert your mind. My father says he will see that you are +sent to the public school. You know the tuition is free, and he +thinks he can find some good, kind family, where you will be taken +care of till your education is finished. Your studies will occupy +you closely, and you will have quite enough to think of, without +troubling yourself about my absence. Of course you will write to me +constantly, and each letter will be like having a nice, quiet chat +together. Oh. dear! can't you get up a smile, and look less forlorn? +You never would look on the bright side." + +"Because I never had any to look on, except you and Lilly; and when +you are gone, everything will be dark--dark!" she groaned, and +covered her face with her hands. + +"Not unless you determine to make it so. If I did not know that my +father would attend to your education, I should not be so delighted +to go. Certainly, Beulah, in improving yourself, you will have very +little leisure to sit down and repine that your lot is not among the +brightest. Do try to hope that things may change for the better. If +they do not, why, I shall not spend eternity in Europe; and when I +come home, of course I shall take care of you myself." She stood +with one hand resting on his arm, and while he talked on, +carelessly, of her future, she fixed her eyes on his countenance, +thinking of the desolate hours in store for her, when the mighty +Atlantic billows surged between her and the noble, classic face she +loved so devotedly. A shadowy panorama of coming years glided before +her, and trailing clouds seemed gathered about the path her little +feet must tread. A vague foreboding discovered to her the +cheerlessness, and she shivered in anticipating the dreariness that +awaited her. But there was time enough for the raging of the storm; +why rush so eagerly to meet it? She closed her eyes to shut out the +grim vision, and listened resolutely to the plans suggested for her +approval. When Eugene rose to say "good-night," it was touching to +note the efforts she made to appear hopeful; the sob swallowed, lest +it should displease him; the trembling lips forced into a smile, and +the heavy eyelids lifted bravely to meet his glance. When the door +closed after his retreating form, the hands were clasped +convulsively, and the white, tearless face, mutely revealed the +desolation which that loving heart locked in its darkened chambers. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + +Several tedious weeks had rolled away since Eugene Graham left his +sunny Southern home to seek learning in the venerable universities +of the Old World. Blue-eyed May, the carnival month of the year, had +clothed the earth with verdure, and enameled it with flowers of +every hue, scattering her treasures before the rushing car of +summer. During the winter scarlet fever had hovered threateningly +over the city, but, as the spring advanced, hopes were entertained +that all danger had passed. Consequently, when it was announced that +the disease had made its appearance in a very malignant form, in the +house adjoining Mrs. Martin's, she determined to send her children +immediately out of town. A relative living at some distance up the +river happened to be visiting her at the time, and, as she intended +returning home the following day, kindly offered to take charge of +the children until all traces of the disease had vanished. To this +plan Beulah made no resistance, though the memory of her little +sister haunted her hourly. What could she do? Make one last attempt +to see her, and if again refused then it mattered not whither she +went. When the preparations for their journey had been completed, +and Johnny slept soundly in his crib, Beulah put on her old straw +bonnet, and set out for Mr. Grayson's residence. The sun was low in +the sky, and the evening breeze, rippling the waters of the bay, +stirred the luxuriant foliage of the ancient China trees that +bordered the pavements. The orphan's heart was heavy with undefined +dread; such a dread as had oppressed her the day of her separation +from her sister. + + "Coming events cast their shadows before," + +and she was conscious that the sunset glow could not dispel the +spectral gloom which enveloped her. She walked on, with her head +bowed, like one stooping from an impending blow, and when at last +the crouching lions confronted her she felt as if her heart had +suddenly frozen. There stood the doctor's buggy. She sprang up the +steps, and stretched out her hand for the bolt of the door. Long +streamers of crape floated through her fingers. She stood still a +moment, then threw open the door and rushed in. The hall floor was +covered to muffle the tread; not a sound reached her save the +stirring of the China trees outside. Her hand was on the balustrade +to ascend the steps, but her eyes fell upon a piece of crape +fastened to the parlor door, and, pushing it ajar, she looked in. +The furniture was draped; even the mirrors and pictures; and on a +small oblong table in the center of the room lay a shrouded form. An +over-powering perfume of crushed flowers filled the air, and Beulah +stood on the threshold, with her hands extended, and her eyes fixed +upon the table. There were two children; Lilly might yet live, and +an unvoiced prayer went up to God that the dead might be Claudia. +Then like scathing lightning came the recollection of her curse: +"May God answer their prayers as they answered mine." With rigid +limbs she tottered to the table, and laid her hand on the velvet +pall; with closed eyes she drew it down, then held her breath and +looked. There lay her idol, in the marble arms of death. Ah! how +matchlessly beautiful, wrapped in her last sleep! The bright golden +curls glittered around the snowy brow, and floated like wandering +sunlight over the arms and shoulders. The tiny waxen fingers clasped +each other as in life, and the delicately chiseled lips were just +parted, as though the sleeper whispered. Beulah's gaze dwelt upon +this mocking loveliness, then the arms were thrown wildly up, and, +with a long, wailing cry, her head sank heavily on the velvet +cushion, beside the cold face of her dead darling. How long it +rested there she never knew. Earth seemed to pass away; darkness +closed over her, and for a time she had no pain, no sorrow; she and +Lilly were together. All was black, and she had no feeling. Then she +was lifted, and the motion aroused her torpid faculties; she moaned +and opened her eyes. Dr. Hartwell was placing her on a sofa, and +Mrs. Grayson stood by the table with a handkerchief over her eyes. +With returning consciousness came a raving despair; Beulah sprang +from the strong arm that strove to detain her, and, laying one +clinched hand on the folded fingers of the dead, raised the other +fiercely toward Mrs. Grayson, and exclaimed almost frantically: + +"You have murdered her! I knew it would be so, when you took my +darling from my arms, and refused my prayer! Aye, my prayer! I knelt +and prayed you, in the name of God, to let me see her once more; to +let me hold her to my heart, and kiss her lips, and forehead, and +little slender hands. You scorned a poor girl's prayer; you taunted +me with my poverty, and locked me from my darling, my Lilly, my all! +Oh, woman! you drove me wild, and I cursed you and your husband. Ha! +Has your wealth and splendor saved her? God have mercy upon me, I +feel as if I could curse you eternally. Could you not have sent for +me before she died? Oh, if I could only have taken her in my arms, +and seen her soft angel eyes looking up to me, and felt her little +arms around my neck, and heard her say 'sister' for the last time! +Would it have taken a dime from your purse, or made you less +fashionable, to have sent for me before she died? 'Such measure as +ye mete, shall be meted to you again.' May you live to have your +heart trampled and crushed, even as you have trampled mine!" + +Her arm sank to her side, and once more the blazing eyes were +fastened on the young sleeper; while Mrs. Grayson, cowering like a +frightened child, left the room. Beulah fell on her knees, and, +crossing her arms on the table, bowed her head; now and then broken, +wailing tones passed the white lips. Dr. Hartwell stood in a recess +of the window, with folded arms and tightly compressed mouth, +watching the young mourner. Once he moved toward her, then drew +back, and a derisive smile distorted his features, as though he +scorned himself for the momentary weakness. He turned suddenly away, +and reached the door, but paused to look back. The old straw bonnet, +with its faded pink ribbon, had fallen off, and heavy folds of black +hair veiled the bowed face. He noted the slight, quivering form, and +the thin hands, and a look of remorseful agony swept over his +countenance. A deadly pallor settled on cheek and brow, as, with an +expression of iron resolve, he retraced his steps, and, putting his +hand on the orphan's shoulder, said gently: + +"Beulah, this is no place for you. Come with me, child." + +She shrank from his touch, and put up one hand, waving him off. + +"Your sister died with the scarlet fever, and Claudia is now very +ill with it. If you stay here you will certainly take it yourself." + +"I hope I shall take it." + +He laid his fingers on the pale, high brow, and, softly drawing back +the thick hair, said earnestly: "Beulah, come home with me. Be my +child; my daughter." + +Again her hand was raised to put him aside. + +"No. You too would hate me for my ugliness. Let me hide it in the +grave with Lilly. They cannot separate us there." He lifted her +head; and, looking down into the haggard face, answered kindly: + +"I promise you I will not think you ugly. I will make you happy. +Come to me, child." She shook her head with a moan. Passing his arm +around her, he raised her from the carpet, and leaned her head +against him. + +"Poor little sufferer! they have made you drink, prematurely, +earth's bitter draughts. They have disenchanted your childhood of +its fairy-like future. Beulah, you are ill now. Do not struggle so. +You must come with me, my child." He took her in his strong arms, +and bore her out of the house of death. His buggy stood at the door, +and, seating himself in it, he directed the boy who accompanied him +to "drive home." Beulah offered no resistance; she hid her face in +her hands, and sat quite still, scarcely conscious of what passed. +She knew that a firm arm held her securely, and, save her +wretchedness, knew nothing else. Soon she was lifted out of the +buggy, carried up a flight of steps, and then a flood of light +flashed through the fingers upon her closed eyelids. Dr. Hartwell +placed his change on a sofa, and rank the bell. The summons was +promptly answered by a negro woman of middle age. She stood at the +door awaiting the order, but his eyes were bent on the floor, and +his brows knitted. + +"Master, did you ring?" + +"Yes; tell my sister to come to me." + +He took a turn across the floor, and paused by the open window. As +the night air rustled the brown locks on his temples, he sighed +deeply. The door opened, and a tall, slender woman, of perhaps +thirty-five years, entered the room. She was pale and handsome, with +a profusion of short chestnut curls about her face. With her hand +resting on the door, she said, in a calm, clear tone: + +"Well, Guy." + +He started, and, turning from the window, approached her. + +"May, I want a room arranged for this child as soon as possible. +Will you see that a hot footbath is provided? When it is ready, send +Harriet for her." + +His sister's lips curled as she looked searchingly at the figure on +the sofa, and said coldly: + +"What freak now, Guy?" + +For a moment their eyes met steadily, and he smiled grimly. + +"I intend to adopt that poor little orphan; that is all!" + +"Where did you pick her up, at the hospital?" said she sneeringly. + +"No, she has been hired as a nurse, at a boarding house." He folded +his arms, and again they looked at each other. + +"I thought you had had quite enough of protegees." She nervously +clasped and unclasped her jet bracelet. + +"Take care, May Ohilton! Mark me. Lift the pall from the past once +more, and you and Pauline must find another home, another protector. +Now, will you see that a room is prepared as I directed?" He was +very pale, and his eyes burned fiercely, yet his tone was calm and +subdued. Mrs. Chilton bit her lips and withdrew. Dr. Hartwell walked +up and down the room for a while, now and then looking sadly at the +young stranger. She sat just as he had placed her, with her hands +over her face. Kindly he bent down, and whispered: + +"Will you trust me, Beulah?" + +She made no answer; but he saw her brow wrinkle, and knew that she +shuddered. The servant came in to say that the room had been +arranged, as he had directed. However surprised she might have been +at this sudden advent of the simply clad orphan in her master's +study, there was not the faintest indication of it in her +impenetrable countenance. Not even the raising of an eyebrow. + +"Harriet, see that her feet are well bathed; and, when she is in +bed, come for some medicine." + +Then, drawing the hands from her eyes, he said to Beulah: + +"Go with her, my child. I am glad I have you safe under my own roof, +where no more cruel injustice can assail you." + +He pressed her hand kindly, and, rising mechanically, Beulah +accompanied Harriet, who considerately supported the drooping form. +The room to which she was conducted was richly furnished, and +lighted by an elegant colored lamp, suspended from the ceiling. Mrs. +Chilton stood near an armchair, looking moody and abstracted. +Harriet carefully undressed the poor mourner, and, wrapping a shawl +about her, placed her in the chair, and bathed her feet. Mrs. +Chilton watched her with ill-concealed impatience. When the little +dripping feet were dried, Harriet lifted her, as if she had been an +infant, and placed her in bed, then brought the medicine from the +study, and administered a spoonful of the mixture. Placing her +finger on the girl's wrist, she counted the rapid pulse, and, +turning unconcernedly toward Mrs. Chilton, said: + +"Miss May, master says you need not trouble about the medicine. I am +to sleep in the room and take care of this little girl." + +"Very well. See that she is properly attended to, as my brother +directed. My head aches miserably, or I should remain myself." + +She glanced at the bed, and left the room. Harriet leaned over the +pillow and examined the orphan's countenance. The eyes were closed, +but scalding tears rolled swiftly over the cheeks, and the hands +were clasped over the brow, as if to still its throbbings. Harriet's +face softened, and she said kindly: + +"Poor thing! what ails you? What makes you cry so?" + +Beulah pressed her head closer to the pillow, and murmured: + +"I am so miserable! I want to die, and God will not take me." + +"Don't say that till you see whether you've got the scarlet fever. +If you have, you are likely to be taken pretty soon, I can tell you; +and if you haven't, why, it's all for the best. It is a bad plan to +fly in the Almighty's face that way, and tell him what he shall do +and what he shan't." + +This philosophic response fell unheeded on poor Beulah's ears, and +Harriet was about to inquire more minutely into the cause of her +grief, but she perceived her master standing beside her, and +immediately moved away from the bed. Drawing out his watch, he +counted the pulse several times. The result seemed to trouble him, +and he stood for some minutes watching the motionless form. + +"Harriet, bring me a glass of ice-water." + +Laying his cool hand on the hot forehead of the suffering girl, he +said tenderly: + +"My child, try not to cry any more to-night. It is very bitter, I +know; but remember that, though Lilly has been taken from you, from +this day you have a friend, a home, a guardian." + +Harriet proffered the glass of water. He took it, raised the head, +and put the sparkling draught to Beulah's parched lips. Without +unclosing her eyes, she drank the last crystal drop, and, laying the +head back on the pillow, he drew an armchair before the window at +the further end of the room, and seated himself. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + +Through quiet, woody dells roamed Beulah's spirit, and, hand in +hand, she and Lilly trod flowery paths and rested beside clear, +laughing brooks. Life, with its grim realities, seemed but a flying +mist. The orphan hovered on the confines of eternity's ocean, and +its silent waves almost laved the feet of the weary child. The room +was darkened, and the summer wind stole through the blinds +stealthily, as if awed by the solitude of the sick-chamber. Dr. +Hartwell sat by the low French bedstead, holding one emaciated hand +in his, counting the pulse which bounded so fiercely in the blue +veins. A fold of white linen containing crushed ice lay on her +forehead, and the hollow cheeks and thin lips were flushed to +vermilion hue. It was not scarlet, but brain fever, and this was the +fifth day that the sleeper had lain in a heavy stupor. Dr. Hartwell +put back the hand he held, and, stooping over, looked long and +anxiously at the flushed face. The breathing was deep and labored, +and, turning away, he slowly and noiselessly walked up and down the +floor. To have looked at him then, in his purple silk robe de +chambre, one would have scarcely believed that thirty years had +passed over his head. He was tall and broad-chested, his head +massive and well formed, his face a curious study. The brow was +expansive and almost transparent in its purity, the dark, hazel eyes +were singularly brilliant, while the contour of lips and chin was +partially concealed by a heavy mustache and board. The first glance +at his face impressed strangers by its extreme pallor, but in a +second look they were fascinated by the misty splendor of the eyes. +In truth, those were strange eyes of Guy Hartwell's. At times, +searching and glittering like polished steel; occasionally lighting +up with a dazzling radiance, and then as suddenly growing gentle, +hazy, yet luminous; resembling the clouded aspect of a star seen +through a thin veil of mist. His brown, curling hair was thrown back +from the face, and exposed the outline of the ample forehead. +Perhaps utilitarians would have carped at the feminine delicacy of +the hands, and certainly the fingers were slender and marvelously +white. On one hand he wore an antique ring, composed of a cameo +snake-head set round with diamonds. A proud, gifted, and miserable +man was Guy Hartwell, and his characteristic expression of stern +sadness might easily have been mistaken by casual observers for +bitter misanthropy. + +I have said he was about thirty, and though the handsome face was +repellently cold and grave, it was difficult to believe that that +smooth, fair brow had been for so many years uplifted for the +handwriting of time. He looked just what he was, a baffling, +fascinating mystery. You felt that his countenance was a volume of +hieroglyphics which, could you decipher, would unfold the history of +a checkered and painful career. Yet the calm, frigid smile which sat +on his lip, and looked out defiantly from his deep-set eyes, seemed +to dare you to an investigation. Mere physical beauty cannot impart +the indescribable charm which his countenance possessed. Regularity +of features is a valuable auxiliary, but we look on sculptured +marble, perfect in its chiseled proportions, and feel that, after +all, the potent spell is in the raying out of the soul, that +imprisoned radiance which, in some instances, makes man indeed but +"little lower than the angels." He paused in his echoless tread, and +sat down once more beside his protegee. She had not changed her +position, and the long lashes lay heavily on the crimson cheeks. The +parched lips were parted, and, as he watched her, she murmured +aloud: + +"It is so sweet, Lilly; we will stay here always." A shadowy smile +crossed her face, and then a great agony seemed to possess her, for +she moaned long and bitterly. He tried to arouse her, and, for the +first time since the night she entered his house, she opened her +eyes and gazed vacantly at him. + +"Are you in pain, Beulah? Why do you moan so?" + +"Eugene, I knew it would be so, when you left me." + +"Don't you know me, Beulah?" He put his face close to hers. + +"They killed her, Eugene! I told you they would; they are going to +bury her soon. But the grave can't hide her; I am going down with +her into the darkness--she would be frightened, you know." Making a +great effort, she sat upright. Dr. Hartwell put a glass containing +medicine to her lips; she shrank back and shuddered, then raised her +hand for the glass, and, looking fixedly at him, said: "Did Mrs. +Grayson say I must take it? Is it poison that kills quickly? There; +don't frown, Eugene, I will drink it all for you." She swallowed the +draught with a shiver. He laid her back on her pillow and renewed +the iced-cloth on her forehead; she did not move her burning eyes +from his face, and the refreshing coolness recalled the sad smile. +"Are we on the Alps, Eugene? I feel dizzy; don't let me fall. There +is a great chasm yonder. Oh, I know now; I am not afraid; Lilly is +down there--come on." Her arms drooped to her side, and she slept +again. + +Evening shadows crept on; soon the room was dark. Harriet entered +with a shaded lamp, but her master motioned her out, and, throwing +open the blinds, suffered the pure moonlight to enter freely. The +window looked out on the flower garden, and the mingled fragrance of +roses, jasmines, honeysuckles, and dew-laden four-o'clocks enveloped +him as in a cloud of incense. A balmy moonlight June night in our +beautiful sunny South--who shall adequately paint its witchery? Dr. +Hartwell leaned his head against the window, and glanced down at the +parterre he had so fondly fostered. The golden moonlight mellowed +every object, and not the gorgeous pictures of Persian poets +surpassed the quiet scene that greeted the master. The shelled +serpentine walks were bordered with low, closely clipped cassina +hedges; clusters of white and rose oleander, scarlet geraniums, +roses of countless variety, beds of verbena of every hue, and +patches of brilliant annuals, all looked up smilingly at him. Just +beneath the window the clasping tendrils of a clematis were wound +about the pedestal of a marble Flora, and a cluster of the delicate +purple blossoms peeped through the fingers of the goddess. Further +off, a fountain flashed in the moonlight, murmuring musically in and +out of its reservoir, while the diamond spray bathed the sculptured +limbs of a Venus. The sea breeze sang its lullaby through the boughs +of a luxuriant orange tree near, and silence seemed guardian spirit +of the beautiful spot, when a whip-poor-will whirred through the +air, and, perching on the snowy brow of the Aphrodite, began his +plaintive night-hymn. In childhood Guy Hartwell had been taught by +his nurse to regard the melancholy chant as ominous of evil; but as +years threw their shadows over his heart, darkening the hopes of his +boyhood, the sad notes of the lonely bird became gradually soothing, +and now in the prime of life he loved to listen to the shy visitor, +and ceased to remember that it boded ill. With an ardent love for +the beautiful, in all its Protean phases, he enjoyed communion with +nature as only an imaginative, aesthetical temperament can. This +keen appreciation of beauty had been fostered by travel and study. +Over the vast studio of nature he had eagerly roamed; midnight had +seen him gazing enraptured on the loveliness of Italian scenery, and +found him watching the march of constellations from the lonely +heights of the Hartz; while the thunder tones of awful Niagara had +often hushed the tumults of his passionate heart, and bowed his +proud head in humble adoration. He had searched the storehouses of +art, and collected treasures that kindled divine aspirations in his +soul, and wooed him for a time from the cemetery of memory. With a +nature so intensely aesthetical, and taste so thoroughly cultivated, +he had, in a great measure, assimilated his home to the artistic +beau ideal. Now as he stood inhaling the perfumed air, he forgot the +little sufferer a few yards off--forgot that Azrail stood on the +threshold, beckoning her to brave the dark floods; and, as his whole +nature became permeated (so to speak) by the intoxicating beauty +that surrounded him, he extended his arms, and exclaimed +triumphantly: + +"Truly thou art my mother, dear old earth! I feel that I am indeed +nearly allied to thy divine beauty! Starry nights, and whispering +winds, and fragrant flowers! yea, and even the breath of the +tempest! all, all are parts of my being." + +"Guy, there is a messenger waiting at the door to see you. Some +patient requires prompt attendance." Mrs. Chilton stood near the +window, and the moonlight flashed over her handsome face. Her +brother frowned and motioned her away, but, smiling quietly, she put +her beautifully molded hand on his shoulder, and said: + +"I am sorry I disturbed your meditations, but if you will practice-- +" + +"Who sent for me?" + +"I really don't know." + +"Will you be good enough to inquire?" + +"Certainly." She glided gracefully from the room. + +The whip-poor-will flew from his marble perch, and, as the mournful +tones died away, the master sighed, and returned to the bedside of +his charge. He renewed the ice on her brow, and soon after his +sister re-entered. + +"Mr. Vincent is very sick, and you are wanted immediately." + +"Very well." He crossed the room and rang the bell. + +"Guy, are you sure that girl has not scarlet fever?" + +"May, I have answered that question at least twice a day for nearly +a week." + +"But you should sympathize with a mother's anxiety. I dread to +expose Pauline to danger." + +"Then let her remain where she is." + +"But I prefer having her come home, if I could feel assured that +girl has only brain fever." + +"Then, once for all, there is no scarlet fever in the house." + +He took a vial from his pocket, and poured a portion of its contents +into the glass, which he placed on a stand by Beulah's bed; then, +turning to Harriet, who had obeyed his summons, he directed her to +administer the medicine hourly. + +"Guy, you may give your directions to me, for I shall stay with the +child to-night." As she spoke, she seated herself at the foot of the +bed. + +"Harriet, hand me the candle in the hall." She did so; and, as her +master took it from her hand, he said abruptly: + +"Tell Hal to bring my buggy round, and then you may go to bed. I +will ring if you are wanted." He waited until she was out of +hearing, and, walking up to his sister, held the candle so that the +light fell full upon her face. + +"May, can I trust you?" + +"Brother, you are cruelly unjust." She covered her face with her +lace handkerchief. + +"Am I, indeed?" + +"Yes, you wrong me hourly, with miserable suspicions. Guy, remember +that I have your blood in my veins, and it will not always tamely +bear insult, even from you." She removed the handkerchief, and shook +back her glossy curls, while her face grew still paler than was its +wont. + +"Insult! May, can the unvarnished truth be such?" + +They eyed each other steadily, and it was apparent that each iron +will was mated. + +"Guy, you shall repent this." + +"Perhaps so. You have made me repent many things." + +"Do you mean to say that--" + +"I mean to say, that since you have at last offered to assist in +nursing that unconscious child, I wish you to give the medicine +hourly. The last potion was at eight o'clock." He placed the candle +so as to shade the light from the sick girl, and left the room. Mrs. +Chilton sat for some time as he had left her with her head leaning +on her hand, her thoughts evidently perplexed and bitter. At +length she rose and stood close to Beulah, looking earnestly at her +emaciated face. She put her fingers on the burning temples and +wrist, and counted accurately the pulsations of the lava tide, then +bent her queenly head, and listened to the heavily drawn breathing. +A haughty smile lit her fine features as she said complacently: "A +mere tempest in a teacup. Pshaw, this girl will not mar my projects +long. By noon tomorrow she will be in eternity. I thought, the first +time I saw her ghostly face, she would trouble me but a short +season. What paradoxes men are! What on earth possessed Guy, with +his fastidious taste, to bring to his home such an ugly, wasted, +sallow little wretch? I verily believe, as a family, we are beset by +evil angels." Drawing out her watch, she saw that the hand had +passed nine. Raising the glass to her lips, she drank the quantity +prescribed for the sufferer, and was replacing it on the stand, when +Beulah's large, eloquent eyes startled her. + +"Well, child, what do you want?" said she, trembling, despite her +assumed indifference. Beulah looked at her vacantly, then threw her +arms restlessly over the pillow, and slept again. Mrs. Chilton drew +up a chair, seated herself, and sank into a reverie of some length. +Ultimately she was aroused by perceiving her brother beside her, and +said hastily: + +"How is Mr. Vincent? Not dangerously ill, I hope!" + +"Tomorrow will decide that. It is now ten minutes past ten; how many +potions have you given?" + +"Two," answered she firmly. + +"Thank you, May. I will relieve you now. Good-night." + +"But you are worn out, and I am not. Let me sit up. I will wake you +if any change occurs." + +"Thank you, I prefer watching tonight. Take that candle, and leave +it on the table in the hall. I need nothing but moonlight. Leave the +door open." As the flickering light vanished, he threw himself into +the chair beside the bed. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + +It was in the gray light of dawning day that Beulah awoke to +consciousness. For some moments after unclosing her eyes they +wandered inquiringly about the room, and finally rested on the tall +form of the watcher, as he stood at the open window. Gradually +memory gathered up its scattered links, and all the incidents of +that hour of anguish rushed vividly before her. The little table, +with its marble sleeper; then a dim recollection of having been +carried to a friendly shelter. Was it only yesterday evening, and +had she slept? The utter prostration which prevented her raising her +head, and the emaciated appearance of her hands, told her "no." Too +feeble even to think, she moaned audibly. Dr. Hartwell turned and +looked at her. The room was still in shadow, though the eastern sky +was flushed, and he stepped to the bedside. The fever had died out, +the cheeks were very pale, and the unnaturally large, sunken eyes +lusterless. She looked at him steadily, yet with perfect +indifference. He leaned over, and said eagerly: + +"Beulah, do you know me?" + +"Yes; I know you." + +"How do you feel this morning?" + +"I am very weak, and my head seems confused. How long have I been +here?" + +"No matter, child, if you are better." He took out his watch, and, +after counting her pulse, prepared some medicine, and gave her a +potion. Her features twitched, and she asked tremblingly, as if +afraid of her own question: + +"Have they buried her?" + +"Yes; a week ago." + +She closed her eyes with a groan, and her face became convulsed; +then she lay quite still, with a wrinkled brow. Dr. Hartwell sat +down by her, and, taking one of her wasted little hands in his, said +gently: + +"Beulah, you have been very ill. I scarcely thought you would +recover; and now, though much better, you must not agitate yourself, +for you are far too weak to bear it." + +"Why didn't you let me die? Oh, it would have been a mercy!" She put +her hand over her eyes, and a low cry wailed through the room. + +"Because I wanted you to get well, and live here, and be my little +friend, my child. Now, Beulah, I have saved you, and you belong to +me. When you are stronger we will talk about all you want to know; +but to-day you must keep quiet, and not think of what distresses +you. Will you try?" + +The strong, stern man shuddered, as she looked up at him with an +expression of hopeless desolation, and said slowly: + +"I have nothing but misery to think of." + +"Have you forgotten Eugene so soon?" + +For an instant the eyes lighted up; then the long lashes swept her +cheeks, and she murmured: + +"Eugene; he has left me too; something will happen to him also. I +never loved anything but trouble came upon it." + +Dr. Hartwell smiled grimly, as though unconsciously she had turned +to view some page in the history of his own life. + +"Beulah, you must not despond; Eugene will come back an elegant +young man before you are fairly out of short dresses. There, do not +talk any more, and don't cry. Try to sleep, and remember, child, you +are homeless and friendless no longer." He pressed her hand kindly, +and turned toward the door. It opened, and Mrs. Chilton entered. + +"Good-morning, Guy; how is your patient?" said she blandly. + +"Good-morning, May; my little patient is much better. She has been +talking to me, and I am going to send her some breakfast." He put +both hands on his sister's shoulders, and looked down into her +beautiful eyes. She did not flinch, but he saw a grayish hue settle +around her lips. + +"Ah! I thought last night there was little hope of her recovery. You +are a wonderful doctor, Guy; almost equal to raising the dead." Her +voice was even, and, like his own, marvelously sweet. + +"More wonderful still, May; I can read the living." His mustached +lip curled, as a scornful smile passed over his face. + +"Read the living? Then you can understand and appreciate my pleasure +at this good news. Doubly good, because it secures Pauline's return +to-day. Dear child, I long to have her at home again." An expression +of anxious maternal solicitude crossed her features. Her brother +kept his hand on her shoulder, and as his eye fell on her glossy +auburn curls, he said, half musingly: + +"Time touches you daintily, May; there is not one silver footprint +on your hair." + +"He has dealt quite as leniently with you. But how could I feel the +inroads of time, shielded as I have been by your kindness? Cares and +sorrows bleach the locks oftener than accumulated years; and you, +Guy, have most kindly guarded your poor widowed sister." + +"Have I indeed, May?" + +"Ah! what would become of my Pauline and me, but for your +generosity, your--" + +"Enough! Then, once for all, be kind to yonder sick child; if not +for her sake, for your own. You and Pauline can aid me in making her +happy, if you will. And if not, remember, May, you know my nature. +Do not disturb Beulah now; come down and let her be quiet." He led +her down the steps, and then, throwing open a glass door, stepped +out upon a terrace covered with Bermuda grass and sparkling like a +tiara in the early sunlight. Mrs. Chilton watched him descend the +two white marble steps leading down to the flower beds, and, leaning +against the wall, she muttered: + +"It cannot be possible that that miserable beggar is to come between +Pauline and his property! Is he mad, to dream of making that little +outcast his heiress? Yet he meant it; I saw it in his eye; the +lurking devil that has slumbered since that evening, and that I +hoped would never gleam out at me again. Oh! we are a precious +family. Set the will of one against another, and all Pandemonium +can't crush either! Ten to one, Pauline will lose her wits too, and +be as hard to manage as Guy." Moody and perplexed, she walked on to +the dining room. Beulah had fallen into a heavy slumber of +exhaustion, and it was late in the day when she again unclosed her +eyes. Harriet sat sewing near her, but soon perceived that she was +awake, and immediately put aside her work. + +"Aha! so you have come to your senses again, have you? How are you, +child?" + +"I am weak." + +"Which isn't strange, seeing that you haven't eat a teaspoonful in +more than a week. Now, look here, little one; I am ordered to nurse +and take charge of you till you are strong enough to look out for +yourself. So you must not object to anything I tell you to do." +Without further parley, she washed and wiped Beulah's face and +hands, shook up the pillows, and placed her comfortably on them. To +the orphan, accustomed all her life to wait upon others, there was +something singularly novel in being thus carefully handled; and, +nestling her head close to the pillows, she shut her eyes, lest the +tears that were gathering should become visible. Harriet quitted the +room for a short time, and returned with a salver containing some +refreshments. + +"I can't eat anything. Thank you; but take it away." Beulah put her +hands over her face, but Harriet resolutely seated herself on the +side of the bed, lifted her up, and put a cup of tea to the +quivering lips. + +"It is no use talking; master said you had to eat, and you might +just as well do it at once. Poor thing! you are hiding your eyes to +cry. Well, drink this tea and eat a little; you must, for folks +can't live forever without eating." There was no alternative, and +Beulah swallowed what was given her. Harriet praised her obedient +spirit, and busied herself about the room for some time. Finally, +stooping over the bed, she said abruptly: + +"Honey, are you crying?" + +There was no reply, and, kneeling down, she said cautiously: + +"If you knew as much about this family as I do, you would cry, sure +enough, for something. My master says he has adopted you, and since +he has said it, everything will work for good to you. But, child, +there will come times when you need a friend besides master, and be +sure you come to me when you do. I won't say any more now; but +remember what I tell you when you get into trouble. Miss Pauline has +come, and if she happens to take a fancy to you (which I think she +won't), she will stand by you till the stars fall; and if she don't, +she will hate you worse than Satan himself for--" Harriet did not +complete the sentence, for she detected her master's step in the +passage, and resumed her work. + +"How is she?" + +"She did not eat much, sir, and seems so downhearted." + +"That will do. I will ring when you are needed." + +Dr. Hartwell seated himself on the edge of the bed, and, lifting the +child's head to his bosom, drew away the hands that shaded her face. + +"Beulah, are you following my directions?" + +"Oh, sir! you are very kind; but I am too wretched, too miserable, +even to thank you." + +"I do not wish you to thank me. All I desire is that you will keep +quiet for a few days, till you grow strong, and not lie here sobbing +yourself into another fever. I know you have had a bitter lot in +life so far, and memories are all painful with you; but it is better +not to dwell upon the past. Ah, child! it is well to live only in +the present, looking into the future. I promise you I will guard +you, and care for you as tenderly as a father; and now, Beulah, I +think you owe it to me to try to be cheerful." + +He passed his fingers softly over her forehead, and put back the +tangled masses of jetty hair, which long neglect had piled about her +face. The touch of his cool hand, the low, musical tones of his +voice, were very soothing to the weary sufferer, and, with a great +effort, she looked up into the deep, dark eyes. saying brokenly: + +"Oh, sir, how good you are! I am--very grateful--to you--indeed, I-- +" + +"There, my child, do not try to talk; only trust me, and be +cheerful. It is a pleasure to me to have you here, and know that you +will always remain in my house." + +How long he sat there, she never knew, for soon she slept, and when +hours after she waked, the lamp was burning dimly, and only Harriet +was in the room. A week passed, and the girl saw no one except the +nurse and physician. One sunny afternoon she looped back the white +curtains, and sat down before the open window. Harriet had dressed +her in a blue calico wrapper, which made her wan face still more +ghastly, and the folds of black hair, which the gentle fingers of +the kind nurse had disentangled, lay thick about her forehead, like +an ebon wreath on the brow of a statue. Her elbows rested on the +arms of the easy-chair, and the weary head leaned upon the hands. +Before her lay the flower garden, brilliant and fragrant; further on +a row of Lombardy poplars bounded the yard, and beyond the street +stretched the west common. In the distance rose a venerable brick +building, set, as it were, in an emerald lawn, and Beulah looked +only once, and knew it vas the asylum. It was the first time she had +seen it since her exodus, and the long-sealed fountain could no +longer be restrained. Great hot tears fell over the bent face, and +the frail form trembled violently. For nearly fourteen years that +brave spirit had battled, and borne, and tried to hope for better +things. With more than ordinary fortitude, she had resigned herself +to the sorrows that came thick and fast upon her, and, trusting in +the eternal love and goodness of God, had looked to him for relief +and reward. But the reward came not in the expected way. Hope died; +faith fainted; and bitterness and despair reigned in that once +loving and gentle soul. Her father had not been spared in answer to +her frantic prayers. Lilly had been taken, without even the sad +comfort of a farewell, and now, with the present full of anguish, +and the future shrouded in dark forebodings, she sobbed aloud: + +"All alone! All alone! Oh, father! Oh, Lilly, Lilly!" + +"Do pray, chile, don't take on so; you will fret yourself sick +again," said Harriet, compassionately patting the drooped head. + +"Don't talk to me--don't speak to me!" cried Beulah passionately. + +"Yes; but I was told not to let you grieve yourself to death, and +you are doing your best. Why don't you put your trust in the Lord?" + +"I did, and he has forgotten me." + +"No, chile. He forgets not even the little snow-birds. I expect you +wanted to lay down the law for him, and are not willing to wait +until he sees fit to bless you. Isn't it so?" + +"He never can give me back my dead." + +"But he can raise up other friends for you, and he has. It is a +blessed thing to have my master for a friend and a protector. Think +of living always in a place like this, with plenty of money, and +nothing to wish for. Chile, you don't know how lucky--" + +She paused, startled by ringing' peals of laughter, which seemed to +come from the adjoining passage. Sounds of mirth fell torturingly +upon Beulah's bleeding spirit, and she pressed her fingers tightly +over her ears. Just opposite to her sat the old trunk, which, a +fortnight before, she had packed for her journey up the river. The +leathern face seemed to sympathize with her woe, and, kneeling down +on the floor, she wound her arms caressingly over it. + +"Bless the girl! she hugs that ugly, old-fashioned thing as if it +were kin to her," said Harriet, who sat sewing at one of the +windows. + +Beulah raised the lid, and there lay her clothes, the books Eugene +had given her; two or three faded, worn-out garments of Lilly's, and +an old Bible. The tears froze in her eyes, as she took out the last, +and opened it at the ribbon mark. These words greeted her: "Whom the +Lord loveth, he chasteneth." Again and again she read them, and the +crushed tendrils of trust feebly twined once more about the promise. +As she sat there, wondering why suffering and sorrow always fell on +those whom the Bible calls "blessed," and trying to explain the +paradox, the door was thrown rudely open, and a girl about her own +age sprang into the room, quickly followed by Mrs. Chilton. + +"Let me alone, mother. I tell you I mean to see her, and then you +are welcome to me as long as you please. Ah, is that her?" + +The speaker paused in the center of the apartment, and gazed +curiously at the figure seated before the old trunk. Involuntarily +Beulah raised her eyes, and met the searching look fixed upon her. +The intruder was richly dressed, and her very posture bespoke the +lawless independence of a willful, petted child. The figure was +faultlessly symmetrical, and her face radiantly beautiful. The +features were clearly cut and regular, the eyes of deep, dark violet +hue, shaded by curling brown lashes. Her chestnut hair was thrown +back with a silver comb, and fell in thick curls below the waist; +her complexion was of alabaster clearness, and cheeks and lips wore +the coral bloom of health. As they confronted each other one looked +a Hebe, the other a ghostly visitant from spirit realms. Beulah +shrank from the eager scrutiny, and put up her hands to shield her +face. The other advanced a few steps, and stood beside her. The +expression of curiosity faded, and something like compassion swept +over the stranger's features, as she noted the thin, drooping form +of the invalid. Her lips parted, and she put out her hand, as if to +address Beulah, when Mrs. Chilton exclaimed impatiently: + +"Pauline, come down this instant! Your uncle positively forbade your +entering this room until he gave you permission. There is his buggy +this minute! Come out, I say!" She laid her hand in no gentle manner +on her daughter's arm. + +"Oh, sink the buggy! What do I care if he does catch me here? I +shall stay till I make up my mind whether that little thing is a +ghost or not. So, mother, let me alone." She shook off the clasping +hand that sought to drag her away, and again fixed her attention on +Beulah. + +"Willful girl! you will ruin everything yet. Pauline, follow me +instantly, I command you!" She was white with rage, but the daughter +gave no intimation of having heard the words; and, throwing her arm +about the girl's waist, Mrs. Chilton dragged her to the door. There +was a brief struggle at the threshold, and then both stood quiet +before the master of the house. + +"What is all this confusion about? I ordered this portion of the +house kept silent, did I not?" + +"Yes, Guy; and I hope you will forgive Pauline's thoughtlessness. +She blundered in here, and I have just been scolding her for +disobeying your injunctions." + +"Uncle Guy, it was not thoughtlessness, at all; I came on purpose. +For a week I have been nearly dying with curiosity to see that +little skeleton you have shut up here, and I ran up to get a glimpse +of her. I don't see the harm of it; I haven't hurt her." Pauline +looked fearlessly up in her uncle's face, and planted herself firmly +in the door, as if resolved not to be ejected. + +"Does this house belong to you or to me, Pauline?" + +"To you, now; to me, some of these days, when you give it to me for +a bridal present." + +His brow cleared, he looked kindly down into the frank, truthful +countenance, and said, with a half-smile: + +"Do not repeat your voyage of discovery, or perhaps your bridal +anticipations may prove an egregious failure. Do you understand me?" + +"I have not finished the first. Mother played pirate, and carried me +off before I was half satisfied. Uncle Guy, take me under your flag, +do! I will not worry the little thing--I promise you I will not. +Can't I stay here a while?" He smiled, and put his hand on her head, +saying: + +"I am inclined to try you. May, you can leave her here. I will send +her to you after a little." As he spoke, he drew her up to the +orphan. Beulah looked at them an instant, then averted her head. + +"Beulah, this is my niece, Pauline Chilton; and, Pauline, this is my +adopted child, Beulah Benton. You are about the same age, and can +make each other happy, if you will. Beulah, shake hands with my +niece." She put up her pale, slender fingers, and they were promptly +clasped in Pauline's plump palm. + +"Do stop crying, and look at me. I want to see you," said the +latter. + +"I am not crying." + +"Then what are you hiding your face for?" + +"Because it is so ugly," answered the orphan sadly. + +Pauline stooped down, took the head in her hands, and turned the +features to view. She gave them a searching examination, and then, +looking up at her uncle, said bluntly: + +"She is not pretty, that is a fact; but, somehow, I rather like her. +If she did not look so doleful, and had some blood in her lips, she +would pass well enough; don't you think so?" + +Dr. Hartwell did not reply; but, raising Beulah from the floor, +placed her in the chair she had vacated some time before. She did, +indeed, look "doleful," as Pauline expressed it, and the beaming, +lovely face of the latter rendered her wan aspect more apparent. + +"What have you been doing all day?" said the doctor kindly. + +She pointed to the asylum, and answered in a low, subdued tone: + +"Thinking about my past life--all my misfortunes." + +"You promised you would do so no more." + +"Ah, sir! how can I help it?" + +"Why, think of something pleasant, of course," interrupted Pauline. + +"You never had any sorrows; you know nothing of suffering," replied +Beulah, allowing her eyes to dwell on the fine, open countenance +before her--a mirthful, sunny face, where waves of grief had never +rippled. + +"How came you so wise? I have troubles sometimes, just like everbody +else." + +Beulah shook her head dubiously. + +"Pauline, will you try to cheer this sad little stranger? will you +be always kind in your manner, and remember that her life has not +been as happy as yours? Can't you love her?" + +She shrugged her shoulders, and answered evasively: + +"I dare say we will get on well enough, if she will only quit +looking so dismal and graveyardish. I don't know about loving her; +we shall see." + +"You can go down to your mother now," said he gravely. + +"That means you are tired of me, Uncle Guy!" cried she, saucily +shaking her curls over her face. + +"Yes, heartily tired of you; take yourself off." + +"Good-by, shadow; I shall come to see you again to-morrow." She +reached the door, but looked back. + +"Uncle, have you seen Charon since you came home?" + +"No." + +"Well, he will die if you don't do something for him. It is a shame +to forget him as you do!" said she indignantly. + +"Attend to your own affairs, and do not interfere with mine." + +"It is high time somebody interfered. Poor Charon! If Hal doesn't +take better care of him, I will make his mother box his ears; see if +I don't." + +She bounded down the steps, leaving her uncle to smooth his brow at +leisure. Turning to Beulah, he took her hand, and said very kindly: + +"This large room does not suit you. Come, and I will show you your +own little room--one I have had arranged for you." She silently +complied, and, leading her through several passages, he opened the +door of the apartment assigned her. The walls were covered with blue +and silver paper; the window curtains of white, faced with blue, +matched it well, and every article of furniture bespoke lavish and +tasteful expenditure. There was a small writing-desk near a handsome +case of books, and a little work-table with a rocking-chair drawn up +to it. He seated Beulah, and stood watching her, as her eyes +wandered curiously and admiringly around the room. They rested on a +painting suspended over the desk, and, wrapt in contemplating the +design, she forgot for a moment all her sorrows. It represented an +angelic figure winging its way over a valley beclouded and dismal, +and pointing, with a radiant countenance, to the gilded summit of a +distant steep. Below, bands of pilgrims, weary and worn, toiled on; +some fainting by the wayside, some seated in sullen despair, some in +the attitude of prayer, some pressing forward with strained gaze and +pale, haggard faces. + +"Do you like it?" said Dr. Hartwell. + +Perhaps she did not hear him; certainly she did not heed the +question; and, taking a seat near one of the windows, he regarded +her earnestly. Her eyes were fastened on the picture, and, raising +her hands toward it, she said in broken, indistinct tones: + +"I am dying down in the dark valley; oh, come, help me to toil on to +the resting-place." + +Her head sank upon her bosom, and bitter waves lashed her heart once +more. + +Gradually evening shadows crept on, and at length a soft hand lifted +her face, and a musical voice said: + +"Beulah, I want you to come down to my study and make my tea. Do you +feel strong enough?" + +"Yes, sir." She rose at once and followed him, resolved to seem +cheerful. + +The study was an oblong room, and on one side book-shelves rose +almost to the ceiling. The opposite wall, between the windows, was +covered with paintings, and several statues stood in the recesses +near the chimney. Over the low marble mantelpiece hung a full-length +portrait, shrouded with black crape, and underneath was an +exquisitely chased silver case, containing a small Swiss clock. A +beautiful terra-cotta vase, of antique shape, stood on the hearth, +filled with choice and fragrant flowers, and near the window sat an +elegant rosewood melodeon. A circular table occupied the middle of +the room, and here the evening meal was already arranged. Beulah +glanced timidly around as her conductor seated her beside the urn, +and, seeing only cups for two persons, asked hesitatingly: + +"Shall I make your tea now?" + +"Yes; and remember, Beulah, I shall expect you to make it every +evening at this hour. Breakfast and dinner I take with my sister and +Pauline in the dining room, but my evenings are always spent here. +There, make another cup for yourself." + +A long silence ensued. Dr. Hartwell seemed lost in reverie, for he +sat with his eyes fixed on the tablecloth, and his head resting on +his hand. His features resumed their habitual expression of stern +rigidity, and as Beulah looked at him she could scarcely believe +that he was the same kind friend who had been so gentle and fatherly +in his manner. Intuitively she felt then that she had to deal with a +chaotic, passionate, and moody nature, and, as she marked the +knitting of his brows and the iron compression of his lips, her +heart was haunted by grave forebodings. While she sat pondering his +haughty, impenetrable appearance, a servant entered. + +"Sir, there is a messenger at the door." + +His master started slightly, pushed away his cup, and said: + +"Is the buggy ready?" + +"Yes, sir; waiting at the door--" + +"Very well; I am coming." + +The windows opened down to the floor, and led into a vine-covered +piazza. He stepped up to one and stood a moment, as if loath to quit +his sanctum; then, turning round, addressed Beulah: + +"Ah, child, I had almost forgotten you. It is time you were asleep. +Do you know the way back to your room?" + +"I can find it," said she, rising from the table. + +"Good-night; let me see you at breakfast if you feel strong enough +to join us." + +He opened the door for her, and, hurrying out, Beulah found her own +room without difficulty. Walking up to Harriet, whom she saw waiting +for her, she said in a grave, determined manner: + +"You have been very kind to me since I came here, and I feel +grateful to you; but I have not been accustomed to have someone +always waiting on me, and in future I shall not want you. I can +dress myself without any assistance, so you need not come to me +night and morning." + +"I am obeying master's orders. He said I was to 'tend to you," +answered Harriet, wondering at the independent spirit evinced by the +newcomer. + +"I do not want any tending, so you may leave me, if you please." + +"Haven't you been here long enough to find out that you might as +well fight the waves of the sea as my master's will? Take care, +child, how you begin to countermand his orders, for I tell you now +there are some in this house who will soon make it a handle to turn +you out into the world again. Mind what I say." + +"Do you mean that I am not wanted here?" + +"I mean, keep your eyes open." Harriet vanished in the dark passage, +and Beulah locked the door, feeling that now she was indeed alone, +and could freely indulge the grief that had so long sought to veil +itself from curious eyes. Yet there was no disposition to cry. She +sat down on the bed and mused on the strange freak of fortune which +had so suddenly elevated the humble nurse into the possessor of that +elegantly furnished apartment. There was no elation in the quiet +wonder with which she surveyed the change in her position. She did +not belong there, she had no claim on the master of the house, and +she felt that she was trespassing on the rights of the beautiful +Pauline. Rapidly plans for the future were written in firm resolve. +She would thankfully remain under the roof that had so kindly +sheltered her, until she could qualify herself to teach. She would +ask Dr. Hartwell to give her an education, which, once obtained, +would enable her to repay its price. To her proud nature there was +something galling in the thought of dependence, and, throwing +herself on her knees for the first time in several weeks, she +earnestly besought the God of orphans to guide and assist her. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + +"Do you wish her to commence school at once?" + +"Not until her wardrobe has been replenished. I expect her clothes +to be selected and made just as Pauline's are. Will you attend to +this business, or shall I give directions to Harriet?" + +"Certainly, Guy; I can easily arrange it. You intend to dress her +just as I do Pauline?" + +"As nearly as possible. Next week I wish her to begin school with +Pauline, and Hansell will give her music lessons. Be so good as to +see about her clothes immediately." + +Dr. Hartwell drew on his gloves and left the room. His sister +followed him to the door, where his buggy awaited him. + +"Guy, did you determine about that little affair for Pauline? She +has so set her heart on it." + +"Oh, do as you please, May; only I am--" + +"Stop, Uncle Guy! Wait a minute. May I have a birthday party? May +I?" Almost out of breath, Pauline ran up the steps; her long hair +floating over her face, which exercise had flushed to crimson. + +"You young tornado! Look how you have crushed that cluster of +heliotrope, rushing over the flower-beds as if there were no walks." +He pointed with the end of his whip to a drooping spray of purple +blossoms. + +"Yes; but there are plenty more. I say, may I?--may I?" She eagerly +caught hold of his coat. + +"How long before your birthday?" + +"Just a week from to-day. Do, please, let me have a frolic!" + +"Poor child! you look as if you needed some relaxation," said he, +looking down into her radiant face, with an expression of mock +compassion. + +"Upon my word, Uncle Guy, it is awfully dull here. If it were not +for Charon and Mazeppa I should be moped to death. Do, pray, don't +look at me as if you were counting the hairs in my eyelashes. Come, +say yes: do, Uncle Guy." + +"Take your hands off of my coat, and have as many parties as you +like, provided you keep to your own side of the house. Don't come +near my study with your Babel, and don't allow your company to +demolish my flowers. Mind, not a soul is to enter the greenhouse. +The parlors are at your service, but I will not have a regiment of +wildcats tearing up and down my greenhouse and flower garden; mind +that." He stepped into his buggy. + +"Bravo! I have won my wager, and got the party too! Hugh Cluis bet +me a papier-mache writing-desk that you would not give me a party. +When I send his invitation I will write on the envelope 'the +writing-desk is also expected.' Hey, shadow, where did you creep +from?" She fixed her merry eyes on Beulah, who just then appeared on +the terrace. Dr. Hartwell leaned from the buggy, and looked +earnestly at the quiet little figure. + +"Do you want anything, Beulah?" + +"No, sir; I thought you had gone. May I open the gate for you?" + +"Certainly, if you wish to do something for me." His pale features +relaxed, and his whole face lighted up, like a sun-flushed cloud. + +Beulah walked down the avenue, lined on either side with venerable +poplars and cedars, and opened the large gate leading into the city. +He checked his horse, and said: + +"Thank you, my child. Now, how are you going to spend the day? +Remember you commence with school duties next week; so make the best +of your holiday." + +"I have enough to occupy me to-day. Good-by, sir." + +"Good-by, for an hour or so." He smiled kindly and drove on, while +she walked slowly back to the house, wondering why smiles were such +rare things in this world, when they cost so little, and yet are so +very valuable to mourning hearts. Pauline sat on the steps with an +open book in her hand. She looked up as Beulah approached, and +exclaimed gayly: + +"Aren't you glad I am to have my birthday frolic?" + +"Yes; I am glad on your account," answered Beulah gravely. + +"Can you dance all the fancy dances? I don't like any so well as the +mazourka." + +"I do not dance at all." + +"Don't dance! Why, I have danced ever since I was big enough to +crawl! What have you been doing all your life, that you don't know +how to dance?" + +"My feet have had other work to do," replied her companion; and, as +the recollections of her early childhood flitted before her, the +brow darkened. + +"I suppose that is one reason you look so forlorn all the time. I +will ask Uncle Guy to send you to the dancing school for--" + +"Pauline, it is school-time, and you don't know one word of that +Quackenbos; I would be ashamed to start from home as ignorant of my +lessons as you are." Mrs. Chilton's head was projected from the +parlor window, and the rebuke was delivered in no very gentle tone. + +"Oh, I don't mind it at all; I have got used to it," answered the +daughter, tossing up the book as she spoke. + +"Get ready for school this minute!" + +Pauline scampered into the house for her bonnet and sachel; and, +fixing her eyes upon Beulah, Mrs. Chilton asked sternly: + +"What are you doing out there? What did you follow my brother to the +gate for? Answer me!" + +"I merely opened the gate for him," replied the girl, looking +steadily up at the searching eyes. + +"There was a servant with him to do that. In future don't make +yourself so conspicuous. You must keep away from the flower beds +too. The doctor wishes no one prowling about them; he gave +particular directions that no one should go there in his absence." + +They eyed each other an instant; then, drawing up her slender form +to its utmost height, Beulah replied proudly: + +"Be assured, madam, I shall not trespass on forbidden ground!" + +"Very well." The lace curtains swept back to their place--the fair +face was withdrawn. + +"She hates me," thought Beulah, walking on to her own room; "she +hates me, and certainly I do not love her. I shall like Pauline very +much, but her mother and I never will get on smoothly. What freezing +eyes she has, and what a disagreeable look there is about her mouth +whenever she sees me! She wishes me to remember all the time that I +am poor, and that she is the mistress of this elegant house. Ah, I +am not likely to forget it!" The old smile of bitterness crossed her +face. + +The days passed swiftly. Beulah spent most of her time in her own +room, for Dr. Hartwell was sometimes absent all day, and she longed +to escape his sister's icy espionage. When he was at home, and not +engaged in his study, his manner was always kind and considerate; +but she fancied he was colder and graver, and often his stern +abstraction kept her silent when they were together. Monday was the +birthday, and on Monday morning she expected to start to school. +Madam St. Cymon's was the fashionable institution of the city, and +thither, with Pauline, she was destined. Beulah rose early, dressed +herself carefully, and, after reading a chapter in her Bible, and +asking God's special guidance through the day, descended to the +breakfast room. Dr. Hartwell sat reading a newspaper; he did not +look up, and she quietly seated herself unobserved. Presently Mrs. +Chilton entered and walked up to her brother. + +"Good-morning, Guy. Are there no tidings of that vessel yet? I hear +the Grahams are terribly anxious about it. Cornelia said her father +was unable to sleep." + +"No news yet; but, May, be sure you do not let--" + +"Was it the 'Morning Star'? Is he lost?" + +Beulah stood crouching at his side, with her hands extended +pleadingly, and her white face convulsed. + +"My child, do not look so wretched; the vessel that Eugene sailed in +was disabled in a storm, and has not yet reached the place of +destination. But there are numerous ways of accounting for the +detention, and you must hope and believe that all is well until you +know the contrary." He drew her to his side, and stroked her head +compassionately. + +"I knew it would be so," said she, in a strangely subdued, +passionless tone. + +"What do you mean, child?" + +"Death and trouble come on everything I love." + +"Perhaps at this very moment Eugene may be writing you an account of +his voyage. I believe that we shall soon hear of his safe arrival. +You need not dive down into my eyes in that way. I do believe it, +for the vessel was seen after the storm, and, though far out of the +right track, there is good reason to suppose she has put into some +port to be repaired." + +Beulah clasped her hands over her eyes, as if to shut out some +horrid phantom, and, while her heart seemed dying on the rack, she +resolved not to despair till the certainty came. + +"Time enough when there is no hope; I will not go out to meet +sorrow." With a sudden, inexplicable revulsion of feeling she sank +on her knees, and there beside her protector vehemently prayed +Almighty God to guard and guide the tempest-tossed loved one. If her +eyes had rested on the face of Deity, and she had felt his presence, +her petition could not have been more importunately preferred. For a +few moments Dr. Hartwell regarded her curiously; then his brow +darkened, his lips curled sneeringly, and a mocking smile passed +over his face. Mrs. Chilton smiled, too, but there was a peculiar +gleam in her eyes, and an uplifting of her brows which denoted +anything but pleasurable emotions. She moved away, and sat down at +the head of the table. Dr. Hartwell put his hand on the shoulder of +the kneeling girl, and asked, rather abruptly: + +"Beulah, do you believe that the God you pray to hears you?" + +"I do. He has promised to answer prayer." + +"Then, get up and be satisfied, and eat your breakfast. You have +asked him to save and protect Eugene, and, according to the Bible, +He will certainly do it; so no more tears. If you believe in your +God, what are you looking so wretched about?" There was something in +all this that startled Beulah, and she looked up at him. His chilly +smile pained her, and she rose quickly, while again and again his +words rang in her ear. Yet, what was there so strange about this +application of faith? True, the Bible declared that "whatsoever ye +ask, believing, that ye shall receive," yet she had often prayed for +blessings, and often been denied. Was it because she had not had the +requisite faith, which should have satisfied her? Yet God knew that +she had trusted him. With innate quickness of perception, she +detected the tissued veil of irony which the doctor had wrapped +about his attempted consolation, and she looked at him so intently, +so piercingly, that he hastily turned away and seated himself at the +table. Just then Pauline bounded into the room, exclaiming: + +"Fourteen to-day! Only three more years at school, and then I shall +step out a brilliant young lady, the--" + +"There; be quiet; sit down. I would almost as soon select a small +whirlwind for a companion. Can't you learn to enter a room without +blustering like a March wind or a Texan norther?" asked her uncle. + +"Have you all seen a ghost? You look as solemn as grave-diggers. +What ails you, Beulah? Come along to breakfast. How nice you look in +your new clothes!" Her eyes ran over the face and form of the +orphan. + +"Pauline, hush! and eat your breakfast. You annoy your uncle," said +her mother severely. + +"Oh, do, for gracious' sake, let me talk! I feel sometimes as if I +should suffocate. Everything about this house is so demure, and +silent, and solemn, and Quakerish, and hatefully prim. If ever I +have a house of my own, I mean to paste in great letters over the +doors and windows, 'Laughing and talking freely allowed!' This is my +birthday, and I think I might stay at home. Mother, don't forget to +have the ends of my sash fringed, and the tops of my gloves +trimmed." Draining her small china cup, she sprang up from the +table, but paused beside Beulah. + +"By the by, what are you going to wear to-night, Beulah?" + +"I shall not go into the parlors at all," answered the latter. + +"Why not?" said Dr. Hartwell, looking suddenly up. He met the sad, +suffering expression of the gray eyes, and bit his lip with +vexation. She saw that he understood her feelings, and made no +reply. + +"I shall not like it, if you don't come to my party," said Pauline +slowly; and as she spoke she took one of the orphan's hands. + +"You are very kind, Pauline; but I do not wish to see strangers." + +"But you never will know anybody if you make such a nun of yourself. +Uncle Guy, tell her she must come down into the parlors to-night." + +"Not unless she wishes to do so. But, Pauline, I am very glad that +you have shown her you desire her presence." He put his hand on her +curly head, and looked with more than usual affection at the bright, +honest face. + +"Beulah, you must get ready for school. Come down as soon as you +can. Pauline will be waiting for you." Mrs. Chilton spoke in the +calm, sweet tone peculiar to her and her brother, but to Beulah +there was something repulsive in that even voice, and she hurried +from the sound of it. Kneeling beside her bed, she again implored +the Father to restore Eugene to her, and, crushing her grief and +apprehension down into her heart, she resolved to veil it from +strangers. As she walked on by Pauline's side, only the excessive +paleness of her face and drooping of her eyelashes betokened her +suffering. + +Entering school is always a disagreeable ordeal, and to a sensitive +nature, such as Beulah's, it was torturing. Madam St. Cymon was a +good-natured, kind, little body, and received her with a warmth and +cordiality which made amends in some degree for the battery of eyes +she was forced to encounter. + +"Ah, yes! the doctor called to see me about you--wants you to take +the Latin course. For the present, my dear, you will sit with Miss +Sanders. Clara, take this young lady with you." + +The girl addressed looked at least sixteen years of age, and, rising +promptly, she come forward and led Beulah to a seat at her desk, +which was constructed for two persons. The touch of her fingers sent +a thrill through Beulah's frame, and she looked at her very +earnestly. + +Clara Sanders was not a beauty in the ordinary acceptation of the +term, but there was an expression of angelic sweetness and purity in +her countenance which fascinated the orphan. She remarked the +scrutiny of the young stranger, and, smiling good-humoredly, said, +as she leaned over and arranged the desk: + +"I am glad to have you with me, and dare say we shall get on very +nicely together. You look ill." + +"I have been ill recently and have not yet regained my strength. Can +you tell me where I can find some water? I feel rather faint." + +Her companion brought her a glass of water. She drank it eagerly, +and, as Clara resumed her seat, said in a low voice: + +"Oh, thank you! You are very kind." + +"Not at all. If you feel worse you must let me know." She turned to +her books and soon forgot the presence of the newcomer. + +The latter watched her, and noticed now that she was dressed in deep +mourning. Was she too an orphan, and had this circumstance rendered +her so kindly sympathetic? The sweet, gentle face, with its soft, +brown eyes, chained her attention, and in the shaping of the mouth +there was something very like Lilly's. Soon Clara left her for +recitation, and then she turned to the new books which madam had +sent to her desk. Thus passed the morning, and she started when the +recess bell rang its summons through the long room. Bustle, chatter, +and confusion ensued. Pauline called to her to come into lunchroom, +and touched her little basket as she spoke, but Beulah shook her +head and kept her seat. Clara also remained. + +"Pauline is calling you," said she gently. + +"Yes, I hear; but I do not want anything." And Beulah rested her +head on her hands. + +"Don't you feel better than you did this morning?" + +"Oh, I am well enough in body; a little weak, that is all." + +"You look quite tired. Suppose you lean your head against me and +take a short nap?" + +"You are very good indeed; but I am not at all sleepy." + +Clara was engaged in drawing, and, looking on, Beulah became +interested in the progress of the sketch. Suddenly a hand was placed +over the paper, and a tall, handsome girl, with black eyes and +sallow complexion, exclaimed sharply: + +"For Heaven's sake, Clara Sanders, do you expect to swim into the +next world on a piece of drawing-paper? Come over to my seat and +work out that eighth problem for me. I have puzzled over it all the +morning, and can't get it right." + +"I can show you here quite as well." Taking out her Euclid, she +found and explained the obstinate problem. + +"Thank you! I cannot endure mathematics, but father is bent upon my +being 'thorough,' as he calls it. I think it is all thorough +nonsense. Now, with you it is very different; you expect to be a +teacher, and of course will have to acquire all these branches; but +for my part I see no use in it. I shall be rejoiced when this dull +school-work is over." + +"Don't say that, Cornelia; I think our school days are the happiest, +and feel sad when I remember that mine are numbered." + +Here the bell announced recess over, and Cornelia moved away to her +seat. A trembling hand sought Clara's arm. + +"Is that Cornelia Graham?" + +"Yes. Is she not very handsome?" + +Beulah made no answer; she only remembered that this girl was +Eugene's adopted sister, and, looking after the tall, queenly form, +she longed to follow her and ask all the particulars of the storm. +Thus ended the first dreaded day at school, and, on reaching home, +Beulah threw herself on her bed with a low, wailing cry. The long- +pent sorrow must have vent, and she sobbed until weariness sank her +into a heavy sleep. + +Far out in a billowy sea, strewed with wrecks, and hideous with the +ghastly, upturned faces of floating corpses, she and Eugene were +drifting--now clinging to each other--now tossed asunder by howling +waves. Then came a glimmering sail on the wide waste of waters; a +little boat neared them, and Lilly leaned over the side and held out +tiny, dimpled hands to lift them in. They were climbing out of their +watery graves, and Lilly's long, fair curls already touched their +cheeks, when a strong arm snatched Lilly back, and struck them down +into the roaring gulf, and above the white faces of the drifting +dead stood Mrs. Grayson, sailing away with Lilly struggling in her +arms. Eugene was sinking and Beulah could not reach him; he held up +his arms imploringly toward her, and called upon her to save him, +and then his head with its wealth of silken, brown locks +disappeared. She ceased to struggle; she welcomed drowning now that +he had gone to rest among coral temples. She sank down--down. The +rigid corpses were no longer visible. She was in an emerald palace, +and myriads of rosy shells paved the floors. At last she found +Eugene reposing on a coral bank, and playing with pearls; she +hastened to join him, and was just taking his hand when a horrible +phantom, seizing him in its arms, bore him away, and, looking in its +face, she saw that it was Mrs. Chilton. With a wild scream of +terror, Beulah awoke. She was lying across the foot of the bed, and +both hands were thrown up, grasping the post convulsively. The room +was dark, save where the moonlight crept through the curtains and +fell slantingly on the picture of Hope and the Pilgrims, and by that +dim light she saw a tall form standing near her. + +"Were you dreaming, Beulah, that you shrieked so wildly?" + +The doctor lifted her up, and leaned her head against his shoulder. + +"Oh, Dr. Hartwell, I have had a horrible, horrible dream!" She +shuddered, and clung to him tightly, as if dreading it might still +prove a reality. + +"Poor child! Come with me, and I will try to exorcise this evil +spirit which haunts even your slumbers." + +Keeping her hand in his, he led her down to his study, and seated +her on a couch drawn near the window. The confused sound of many +voices and the tread of dancing feet, keeping time to a band of +music, came indistinctly from the parlors. Dr. Hartwell closed the +door, to shut out the unwelcome sounds, and, seating himself before +the melodeon, poured a flood of soothing, plaintive melody upon the +air. Beulah sat entranced, while he played on and on, as if +unconscious of her presence. Her whole being was inexpressibly +thrilled; and, forgetting her frightful vision, her enraptured soul +hovered on the very confines of fabled elysium. Sliding from the +couch, upon her knees, she remained with her clasped hands pressed +over her heart, only conscious of her trembling delight. Once or +twice before she had felt thus, in watching a gorgeous sunset in the +old pine grove; and now, as the musician seemed to play upon her +heart-strings, calling thence unearthly tones, the tears rolled +swiftly over her face. Images of divine beauty filled her soul, and +nobler aspirations than she had ever known took possession of her. +Soon the tears ceased, the face became calm, singularly calm; then +lighted with an expression which nothing earthly could have kindled. +It was the look of one whose spirit, escaping from gross bondage, +soared into realms divine, and proclaimed itself God-born. Dr. +Hartwell was watching her countenance, and, as the expression of +indescribable joy and triumph flashed over it, he involuntarily +paused. She waited till the last deep echoing tone died away, and +then, approaching him, as he still sat before the instrument, she +laid her hand on his knee, and said slowly: + +"Oh, thank you! I can bear anything now." + +"Can you explain to me how the music strengthened you? Try, will +you?" + +She mused for some moments, and answered thoughtfully: + +"First, it made me forget the pain of my dream; then it caused me to +think of the wonderful power which created music; and then, from +remembering the infinite love and wisdom of the Creator, who has +given man the power to call out this music, I thought how very noble +man was, and what he was capable of doing; and, at last, I was glad +because God has given me some of these powers; and, though I am +ugly, and have been afflicted in losing my dear loved ones, yet I +was made for God's glory in some way, and am yet to be shown the +work he has laid out for me to do. Oh, sir! I can't explain it all +to you, but I do know that God will prove to me that 'He doeth all +things well.'" + +She looked gravely up into the face beside her, and sought to read +its baffling characters. He had leaned his elbow on the melodeon, +and his wax-like fingers were thrust through his hair. His brow was +smooth, and his mouth at rest, but the dark eyes, with their +melancholy splendor, looked down at her moodily. They met her gaze +steadily; and then she saw into the misty depths, and a shudder +crept over her, as she fell on her knees, and said shiveringly: + +"Oh, sir, can it be?" + +He put his hand on her head, and asked quietly: + +"Can what be, child?" + +"Have you no God?" + +His face grew whiter than was his wont. A scowl of bitterness +settled on it, and the eyes burned with an almost unearthly +brilliance, as he rose and walked away. For some time he stood +before the window, with his arms folded; and, laying her head on the +stool of the melodeon, Beulah knelt just as he left her It has been +said, "Who can refute a sneer?" Rather ask, Who can compute its +ruinous effects. To that kneeling figure came the thought, "If he, +surrounded by wealth and friends, and blessings, cannot believe in +God, what cause have I, poor, wretched, and lonely, to have faith in +him?" The bare suggestion of the doubt stamped it on her memory, yet +she shrank with horror from the idea, and an eager, voiceless prayer +ascended from her heart that she might be shielded from such +temptations in future. Dr. Hartwell touched her, and said, in his +usual low, musical tones: + +"It is time you were asleep. Do not indulge in any more horrible +dreams, if you please. Good-night, Beulah. Whenever you feel that +you would like to have some music, do not hesitate to ask me for +it." + +He held open the door for her to pass out. She longed to ask him +what he lived for, if eternity had no joys for him; but, looking in +his pale face, she saw from the lips and eyes that he would not +suffer any questioning, and, awed by the expression of his +countenance, she said "Good-night," and hurried away. The merry hum +of childish voices again fell on her ear, and as she ascended the +steps a bevy of white-clad girls emerged from a room near, and +walked on just below her. Pauline's party was at its height. Beulah +looked down on the fairy gossamer robes, and gayly tripping girls, +and then hastened to her own room, while the thought presented +itself: + +"Why are things divided so unequally in this world? Why do some have +all of joy, and some only sorrow's brimming cup to drain?" But the +sweet voice of Faith answered, "What I do, thou knowest not now, but +thou shalt know hereafter," and, trusting the promise, she was +content to wait. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + + +"Cornelia Graham, I want to know why you did not come to my party. +You might at least have honored me with an excuse." Such was +Pauline's salutation, the following day, when the girls gathered in +groups about the schoolroom. + +"Why, Pauline, I did send an excuse; but it was addressed to your +mother, and probably she forgot to mention it. You must acquit me of +any such rudeness." + +"Well, but why didn't you come? We had a glorious time. I have half +a mind not to tell you what I heard said of you, but I believe you +may have it second-hand. Fred Vincent was as grum as a preacher all +the evening, and when I asked him what on earth made him so surly +and owlish, he said, 'It was too provoking you would not come, for +no one else could dance the schottisch to his liking.' Now there was +a sweet specimen of manners for you! You had better teach your beau +politeness." + +Cornelia was leaning listlessly against Clara's desk, and Beulah +fancied she looked very sad and abstracted. She colored at the jest, +and answered contemptuously: + +"He is no beau of mine, let me tell you; and as for manners, I +commend him to your merciful tuition." + +"But what was your excuse?" persisted Pauline. + +"I should think you might conjecture that I felt no inclination to +go to parties and dance when you know that we are all so anxious +about my brother." + +"Oh, I did not think of that!" cried the heedless girl, and quite as +heedlessly she continued: + +"I want to see that brother of yours. Uncle Guy says he is the +handsomest boy in the city, and promises to make something +extraordinary. Is he so very handsome?" + +"Yes." The proud lip trembled. + +"I heard Anne Vernon say she liked him better than all her other +beaux, and that is great praise, coming from her queenship," said +Emily Wood, who stood near. + +Cornelia's eyes dilated angrily, as she answered with curling lips: + +"Eugene one of her beaux! It is no such thing." + +"You need not look so insulted. I suppose if the matter is such a +delicate one with you, Anne will withdraw her claim," sneered Emily, +happy in the opportunity afforded of wounding the haughty spirit +whom all feared and few sympathized with. + +Cornelia was about to retort, but madam's voice prevented, as, +leaning from the platform opposite, she held out a note, and said: + +"Miss Graham, a servant has just brought this for you." + +The girl's face flushed and paled alternately, as she received the +note and broke the seal with trembling fingers. Glancing over the +contents, her countenance became irradiated, and she exclaimed +joyfully: + +"Good news! The 'Morning Star' has arrived at Amsterdam. Eugene is +safe in Germany." + +Beulah's head went down on her desk, and just audible were the +words: + +"My Father in Heaven, I thank thee!" + +Only Clara and Cornelia heard the broken accents, and they looked +curiously at the bowed figure, quivering with joy. + +"Ah! I understand; this is the asylum Beulah I have often heard him +speak of. I had almost forgotten the circumstance. You knew him very +well, I suppose?" said Cornelia, addressing herself to the orphan, +and crumpling the note between her fingers, while her eyes ran with +haughty scrutiny over the dress and features before her. + +"Yes, I knew him very well." Beulah felt the blood come into her +cheeks, and she ill brooked the cold, searching look bent upon her. + +"You are the same girl that he asked my father to send to the public +school. How came you here?" + +A pair of dark gray eyes met Cornelia's gaze, and seemed to answer +defiantly, "What is it to you?" + +"Has Dr. Hartwell adopted you? Pauline said so, but she is so +heedless that I scarcely believed her, particularly when it seemed +so very improbable." + +"Hush, Cornelia! Why, you need Pauline's tuition about as much as +Fred Vincent, I am disposed to think. Don't be so inquisitive; it +pains her," remonstrated Clara, laying her arm around Beulah's +shoulder as she spoke. + +"Nonsense! She is not so fastidious, I will warrant. At least, she +might answer civil questions." + +"I always do," said Beulah. + +Cornelia smiled derisively, and turned off, with the parting taunt: + +"It is a mystery to me what Eugene can see in such a homely, +unpolished specimen. He pities her, I suppose." + +Clara felt a long shiver creep over the slight form, and saw the +ashen hue that settled on her face, as if some painful wound had +been inflicted. Stooping down, she whispered: + +"Don't let it trouble you. Cornelia is hasty, but she is generous, +too, and will repent her rudeness. She did not intend to pain you; +it is only her abrupt way of expressing herself." + +Beulah raised her head, and, putting back the locks of hair that had +fallen over her brow, replied coldly: + +"It is nothing new; I am accustomed to such treatment. Only +professing to love Eugene I did not expect her to insult one whom he +had commissioned her to assist, or at least sympathize with." + +"Remember, Beulah, she is an only child, and her father's idol, and +perhaps--" + +"The very blessings that surround her should teach her to feel for +the unfortunate and unprotected," interrupted the orphan. + +"You will find that prosperity rarely has such an effect upon the +heart of its favorite," answered Clara musingly. + +"An unnecessary piece of information. I discovered that pleasant +truth some time since," said Beulah bitterly. + +"I don't know, Beulah; you are an instance to the contrary. Do not +call yourself unfortunate, so long as Dr. Hartwell is your friend. +Ah! you little dream how blessed you are." + +Her voice took the deep tone of intense feeling, and a faint glow +tinged her cheek. + +"Yes, he is very kind, very good," replied the other, more gently. + +"Kind! good! Is that all you can say of him?" The soft brown eyes +kindled with unwonted enthusiasm. + +"What more can I say of him than that he is good?" returned the +orphan eagerly, while the conversation in the study, the preceding +day, rushed to her recollection. + +Clara looked at her earnestly for a moment, and then averting her +head, answered evasively: + +"Pardon me; I have no right to dictate the terms in which you should +mention your benefactor." Beulah's intuitions were remarkably quick, +and she asked slowly: + +"Do you know him well?" + +"Yes; oh, yes! very well indeed. Why do you ask?" + +"And you like him very much?" + +"Very much." + +She saw the gentle face now, and saw that some sorrow had called +tears to the eyes, and sent the blood coldly back to her heart. + +"No one can like him as I do. You don't know how very kind he has +been to me--me, the miserable, lonely orphan," murmured Beulah, as +his smile and tones recurred to her. + +"Yes, I can imagine, because I know his noble heart; and, therefore, +child, I say you cannot realize how privileged you are." + +The discussion was cut short by a call to recitation, and too calmly +happy in the knowledge of Eugene's safety to ponder her companion's +manner, Beulah sank into a reverie, in which Eugene, and Heidelberg, +and long letters mingled pleasingly. Later in the day, as she and +Pauline were descending the steps, the door of the primary +department of the school opened, and a little girl, clad in deep +black, started up the same flight of steps. Seeing the two above, +she leaned against the wall, waiting for them to pass. Beulah stood +still, and the sachel she carried fell unheeded from her hand, while +a thrilling cry broke from the little girl's lips; and, springing up +the steps, she threw herself into Beulah's arms. + +"Dear Beulah! I have found you at last!" She covered the thin face +with passionate kisses; then heavy sobs escaped her, and the two +wept bitterly together. + +"Beulah, I did love her very much; I did not forget what I promised +you. She used to put her arms around my neck every night, and go to +sleep close to me; and whenever she thought about you and cried, she +always put her head in my lap. Indeed I did love her." + +"I believe you, Claudy," poor Beulah groaned, in her anguish. + +"They did not tell me she was dead; they said she was sick in +another room! Oh, Beulah! why didn't you come to see us? Why didn't +you come? When she was first taken sick she called for you all the +time; and the evening they moved me into the next room she was +asking for you. 'I want my sister Beulah! I want my Beulah!' was the +last thing I heard her say; and when I cried for you, too, mamma +said we were both crazy with fever. Oh!"--she paused and sobbed +convulsively. Beulah raised her head, and, while the tears dried in +her flashing eyes, said fiercely: + +"Claudy, I did go to see you! On my knees, at Mrs. Grayson's front +door, I prayed her to let me see you. She refused, and ordered me to +come there no more! She would not suffer my sister to know that I +was waiting there on my knees to see her dear, angel face. That was +long before you were taken sick. She did not even send me word that +Lilly was ill: I knew nothing of it till my darling was cold in her +little shroud! Oh, Claudy! Claudy!" + +She covered her face with her hands and tried to stifle the wail +that crossed her lips. Claudia endeavored to soothe her, by winding +her arms about her and kissing her repeatedly. Pauline had looked +wonderingly on, during this painful reunion; and now drawing nearer, +she said, with more gentleness than was her custom: + +"Don't grieve so, Beulah. Wipe your eyes and come home; those girls +yonder are staring at you." + +"What business is it of yours?" began Claudia; but Beulah's +sensitive nature shrank from observation, and, rising hastily, she +took Claudia to her bosom, kissed her, and turned away. + +"Oh, Beulah! shan't I see you again?" cried the latter, with +streaming eyes. + +"Claudia, your mamma would not be willing." + +"I don't care what she thinks. Please come to see me--please, do! +Beulah, you don't love me now, because Lilly is dead! Oh, I could +not keep her--God took her!" + +"Yes, I do love you, Claudy--more than ever; but you must come to +see me. I cannot go to that house again. I can't see your mamma +Grayson. Come and see me, darling!" + +She drew her bonnet over her face and hurried out. + +"Where do you live? I will come and see you!" cried Claudia, running +after the retreating form. + +"She lives at Dr. Hartwell's--that large, brick house, out on the +edge of town; everybody knows the place." + +Pauline turned back to give this piece of information, and then +hastened on to join Beulah. She longed to inquire into all the +particulars of the orphan's early life; but the pale, fixed face +gave no encouragement to question, and they walked on in perfect +silence until they reached the gate at the end of the avenue. Then +Pauline asked energetically: + +"Is that little one any kin to you?" + +"No; I have no kin in this world," answered Beulah drearily. + +Pauline shrugged her shoulders, and made no further attempt to +elicit confidence. On entering the house, they encountered the +doctor, who was crossing the hall. He stopped, and said: + +"I have glad tidings for you, Beulah. The 'Morning Star' arrived +safely at Amsterdam, and by this time Eugene is at Heidelberg." + +Beulah stood very near him, and answered tremblingly: + +"Yes, sir; I heard it at school." + +He perceived that something was amiss, and, untying her bonnet, +looked searchingly at the sorrow-stained face. She shut her eyes, +and leaned her head against him. + +"What is the matter, my child? I thought you would be very happy in +hearing of Eugene's safety." + +She was unable to reply just then; and Pauline, who stood swinging +her sachel to and fro, volunteered an explanation. + +"Uncle Guy, she is curious, that is all. As we were leaving school, +she met a little girl on the steps, and they flew at each other, and +cried, and kissed, and--you never saw anything like it! I thought +the child must be a very dear relation; but she says she has no kin. +I don't see the use of crying her eyes out, particularly when the +little one is nothing to her." + +Her uncle's countenance resumed its habitual severity, and, taking +Beulah's hand, he led her into that quietest of all quiet places, +his study. Seating himself, and drawing her to his side, he said: + +"Was it meeting Claudia that distressed you so much? That child is +very warmly attached to you. She raved about you constantly during +her illness. So did Lilly. I did not understand the relationship +then, or I should have interfered, and carried you to her. I called +to see Mr. and Mrs. Grayson last week, to remove the difficulties in +the way of your intercourse with Claudia, but they were not at home. +I will arrange matters so that you may be with Claudia as often as +possible. You have been wronged, child, I know; but try to bury it; +it is all past now." He softly smoothed back her hair as he spoke. + +"No, sir; it never will be past; it will always be burning here in +my heart." + +"I thought you professed to believe in the Bible." + +She looked up instantly, and answered: + +"I do, sir. I do." + +"Then your belief is perfectly worthless; for the Bible charges you +to 'forgive and love your enemies,' and here you are trying to fan +your hate into an everlasting flame." + +She saw the scornful curl of his lips, and, sinking down beside him, +she laid her head on his knee, and said hastily: + +"I know it is wrong, sinful, to feel toward Mrs. Grayson as I do. +Yes, sir; the Bible tells me it is very sinful; but I have been so +miserable, I could not help hating her. But I will try to do so no +more. I will ask God to help me forgive her." + +His face flushed even to his temples, and then the blood receded, +leaving it like sculptured marble. Unable or unwilling to answer, he +put his hands on her head, softly, reverently, as though he touched +something ethereal. He little dreamed that, even then, that +suffering heart was uplifted to the Throne of Grace, praying the +Father that she might so live and govern herself that he might come +to believe the Bible, which her clear insight too surely told her he +despised. + +Oh! Protean temptation. Even as she knelt, with her protector's +hands resting on her brow, ubiquitous evil suggested the thought: +"Is he not kinder, and better, than anyone you ever knew? Has not +Mrs. Grayson a pew in the most fashionable church? Did not Eugene +tell you he saw her there, regularly, every Sunday? Professing +Christianity, she injured you; rejecting it, he has guarded and most +generously aided you. 'By their fruits ye shall judge.'" Very dimly +all this passed through her mind. She was perplexed and troubled at +the confused ideas veiling her trust. + +"Beulah, I have an engagement, and must leave you. Stay here, if you +like, or do as you please with yourself. I shall not be home to tea, +so good-night." She looked pained, but remained silent. He smiled, +and, drawing out his watch, said gayly: + +"I verily believe you miss me when I leave you. Go, put on your +other bonnet, and come down to the front door; I have nearly an hour +yet, I see, and will give you a short ride. Hurry, child; I don't +like to wait." + +She was soon seated beside him in the buggy, and Mazeppa's swift +feet had borne them some distance from home ere either spoke. The +road ran near the bay, and while elegant residences lined one side, +the other was bounded by a wide expanse of water, rippling, +sparkling, glowing in the evening sunlight. Small sail boats, with +their gleaming canvas, dotted the blue bosom of the bay; and the +balmy breeze, fresh from the gulf, fluttered the bright pennons that +floated from their masts. Beulah was watching the snowy wall of +foam, piled on either side of the prow of a schooner, and thinking +how very beautiful it was, when the buggy stopped suddenly, and Dr. +Hartwell addressed a gentleman on horseback: + +"Percy, you may expect me; I am coming as I promised." + +"I was about to remind you of your engagement. But, Guy, whom have +you there?" + +"My protegee I told you of. Beulah, this is Mr. Lockhart." + +The rider reined his horse near her side, and, leaning forward as he +raised his hat, their eyes met. Both started visibly, and, extending +his hand, Mr. Lockhart said eagerly: + +"Ah, my little forest friend! I am truly glad to find you again." + +She shook hands very quietly, but an expression of pleasure stole +over her face. Her guardian observed it, and asked: + +"Pray, Percy, what do you know of her?" + +"That she sings very charmingly," answered his friend, smiling at +Beulah. + +"He saw me once when I was at the asylum," said she, + +"And was singing part of the regime there?" + +"No, Guy. She was wandering about the piney woods, near the asylum, +with two beautiful elves, when I chanced to meet her. She was +singing at the time. Beulah, I am glad to find you out again; and in +future, when I pay the doctor long visits, I shall expect you to +appear for my entertainment. Look to it, Guy, that she is present. +But I am fatigued with my unusual exercise, and must return home. +Good-by, Beulah; shake hands. I am going immediately to my room, +Guy; so come as soon as you can." He rode slowly on, while Dr. +Hartwell shook the reins, and Mazeppa sprang down the road again. +Beulah had remarked a great alteration in Mr. Lockhart's appearance; +he was much paler, and bore traces of recent and severe illness. His +genial manner and friendly words had interested her, and, looking up +at her guardian, she said timidly: + +"Is he ill, sir?" + +"He has been, and is yet quite feeble. Do you like him?" + +"I know nothing of him, except that he spoke to me one evening some +months ago. Does he live here, sir?" + +"No; he has a plantation on the river, but is here on a visit +occasionally. Much of his life has been spent in Europe, and thither +he goes again very soon." + +The sun had set. The bay seemed a vast sheet of fire, as the crimson +clouds cast their shifting shadows on its bosom; and, forgetting +everything else, Beulah leaned out of the buggy, and said almost +unconsciously: + +"How beautiful! how very beautiful!" Her lips were parted; her eyes +clear and sparkling with delight. Dr. Hartwell sighed, and, turning +from the bay road, approached his home. Beulah longed to speak to +him of what was pressing on her heart; but, glancing at his +countenance to see whether it was an auspicious time, she was +deterred by the somber sternness which overshadowed it, and before +she could summon courage to speak, they stopped at the front gate. + +"Jump out, and go home; I have not time to drive in." + +She got out of the buggy, and, looking up at him as he rose to +adjust some part of the harness, said bravely: + +"I am very much obliged to you for my ride. I have not had such a +pleasure for years. I thank you very much." + +"All very unnecessary, child. I am glad you enjoyed it." + +He seated himself, and gathered up the reins, without looking at +her. But she put her hand on the top of the wheel, and said in an +apologetic tone: + +"Excuse me, sir; but may I wait in your study till you come home? I +want to ask you something." Her face flushed, and her voice trembled +with embarrassment. + +"It may be late before I come home to-night. Can't you tell me now +what you want? I can wait." + +"Thank you, sir; to-morrow will do as well, I suppose. I will not +detain you." She opened the gate and entered the yard. Dr. Hartwell +looked after her an instant, and called out, as he drove on: + +"Do as you like, Beulah, about waiting for me. Of course the study +is free to you at all times." + +The walk, or rather carriage road, leading up to the house was +bordered by stately poplars and cedars, whose branches interlaced +overhead, and formed a perfect arch. Beulah looked up at the dark- +green depths among the cedars, and walked on with a feeling of +contentment, nay, almost of happiness, which was a stranger to her +heart. In front of the house, and in the center of a grassy circle, +was a marble basin, from which a fountain ascended. She sat down on +the edge of the reservoir, and, taking off her bonnet, gave +unrestrained license to her wandering thoughts. Wherever her eyes +turned, verdure, flowers, statuary met her gaze; the air was laden +with the spicy fragrance of jasmines, and the low, musical babble of +the fountain had something very soothing in its sound. With her keen +appreciation of beauty, there was nothing needed to enhance her +enjoyment; and she ceased to remember her sorrows. Before long, +however, she was startled by the sight of several elegantly dressed +ladies emerging from the house; at the same instant a handsome +carriage, which she had not previously observed, drove from a turn +in the walk and drew up to the door to receive them. Mrs. Chilton +stood on the steps, exchanging smiles and polite nothings, and, as +one of the party requested permission to break a sprig of geranium +growing near, she gracefully offered to collect a bouquet, adding, +as she severed some elegant clusters of heliotrope and jasmine: + +"Guy takes inordinate pride in his parterre, arranges and overlooks +all the flowers himself. I often tell him I am jealous of my +beautiful rivals; they monopolize his leisure so completely." + +"Nonsense! we know to our cost that you of all others need fear +rivalry from no quarter. There; don't break any more. What superb +taste the doctor has! This lovely spot comes nearer my ideal of +European elegance than any place I know at the South. I suppose the +fascination of his home makes him such a recluse! Why doesn't he +visit more? He neglects us shamefully! He is such a favorite in +society too; only I believe everybody is rather afraid of him. I +shall make a most desperate effort to charm him so soon as an +opportunity offers. Don't tell him I said so though--'forewarned, +forearmed.'" All this was very volubly uttered by a dashing, showy +young lady, dressed in the extreme of fashion, and bearing +unmistakable marks of belonging to beau monde. She extended a hand +eased in white kid, for the flowers, and looked steadily at the lady +of the house as she spoke. + +"I shall not betray your designs, Miss Julia. Guy is a great lover +of the beautiful, and I am not aware that anywhere in the book of +fate is written the decree that he shall not marry again. Take care, +you are tearing your lace point on that rose bush; let me disengage +it." She stooped to rescue the cobweb wrapping, and, looking about +her, Miss Julia exclaimed: + +"Is that you, Pauline? Come and kiss me! Why, you look as unsociable +as your uncle, sitting there all alone!" + +She extended her hand toward Beulah, who, as may be supposed, made +no attempt to approach her. Mrs. Chilton smiled, and, clasping the +bracelet on her arm, discovered to her visitor the mistake. + +"Pauline is not at home. That is a little beggarly orphan Guy took +it into his head to feed and clothe, till some opportunity offered +of placing her in a respectable home. I have teased him unmercifully +about this display of taste; asked him what rank he assigned her in +his catalogue of beautiful treasures." She laughed as if much +amused. + +"Oh, that reminds me that I heard some of the schoolgirls say that +the doctor had adopted an orphan. I thought I would ask you about +it. Mother here declared that she knew it could not be so; but I +told her he was so very odd, there was no accounting for his +notions. So he has not adopted her?" + +"Pshaw! of course not! She was a wretched little object of charity, +and Guy brought her here to keep her from starving. He picked her up +at the hospital, I believe." + +"I knew it must be a mistake. Come, Julia, remember you are going +out to-night, and it is quite late. Do come very soon, my dear Mrs. +Chilton." Mrs. Vincent, Miss Julia, and their companions entered the +carriage, and were soon out of sight. Beulah still sat at the +fountain. She would gladly have retreated on the appearance of the +strangers, but could not effect an escape without attracting the +attention she so earnestly desired to be spared, and therefore kept +her seat. Every word of the conversation, which had been carried on +in anything but a subdued tone, reached her, and though the head was +unbowed as if she had heard nothing, her face was dyed with shame. +Her heart throbbed violently, and as the words, "beggarly orphan," +"wretched object of charity," fell on her ears, it seemed as if a +fierce fire-bath had received her. As the carriage disappeared, Mrs. +Chilton approached her, and, stung to desperation by the merciless +taunts, she instantly rose and confronted her. Never had she seen +the widow look so beautiful, and for a moment they eyed each other. + +"What are you doing here, after having been told to keep out of +sight?--answer me!" She spoke with the inflexible sternness of a +mistress to an offending servant. + +"Madam, I am not the miserable beggar you represented me a moment +since; nor will I answer questions addressed in any such tone of +authority and contempt." + +"Indeed! Well, then, my angelic martyr, how do you propose to help +yourself?" answered Mrs. Chilton, laughing with undisguised scorn. + +"Dr. Hartwell brought me to his house, of his own accord; you know +that I was scarcely conscious when I came into it. He has been very +kind to me--has offered to adopt me. This you know perfectly well. +But I am not in danger of starvation away from this house. You know +that instead of having been picked up at the hospital, I was earning +my living, humble though it was, as a servant. He offered to adopt +me, because he saw that I was very unhappy; not because I needed +food or clothes, as you asserted just now, and as you knew was +untrue. Madam, I have known, ever since my recovery, that you hated +me, and I scorn to accept bounty, nay, even a shelter, where I am so +unwelcome. I have never dreamed of occupying the place you covet for +Pauline. I intended to accept Dr. Hartwell's kindness, so far as +receiving an education, which would enable me to support myself less +laboriously; but, madam, I will relieve you of my hated presence. I +can live without any assistance from your family. The despised and +ridiculed orphan will not remain to annoy you. Oh, you might have +effected your purpose with less cruelty! You could have told me +kindly that you did not want me here, and I would not have wondered +at it. But to crush me publicly, as you have done--" Wounded pride +stifled the trembling accents. + +Mrs. Chilton bit her lip. She had not expected this expression of +proud independence; and, seeing that she had gone too far, pondered +the best method of rectifying the mischief with as little compromise +of personal dignity as possible. Ultimately to eject her, she had +intended from the first; but perfectly conscious that her brother +would accept no explanation or palliation of the girl's departure at +this juncture, and that she and Pauline would soon follow her from +the house, she felt that her own interest demanded the orphan's +presence for a season. Nearly blinded by tears of indignation and +mortification, Beulah turned from her, but the delicate white hand +arrested her, and pressed heavily on her shoulder. She drew herself +up, and tried to shake off the hold; but firm as iron was the grasp +of the snowy fingers, and calm and cold as an Arctic night was the +tone which said: + +"Pshaw, girl, are you mad? You have sense enough to know that you +are one too many in this house; but if you only desire to be +educated, as you profess, why, I am perfectly willing that you +should remain here. The idea of your growing up as my brother's +heiress and adopted child was too preposterous to be entertained, +and you can see the absurdity yourself; but so long as you +understand matters properly, and merely desire to receive +educational advantages, of course you can and will remain. I do not +wish this to go any further, and, as a sensible girl, you will not +mention it. As a friend, however, I would suggest that you should +avoid putting yourself in the way of observation." As she concluded +she quietly brushed off a small spider which was creeping over +Beulah's sleeve. + +"Don't trouble yourself, madam; I am not at all afraid of poisonous +things; I have become accustomed to them." + +Smiling bitterly, she stooped to pick up her new bonnet, which had +fallen on the grass at her feet, and, fixing her eyes defiantly on +the handsome face before her, said resolutely: + +"No! contemptible as you think me, beggarly and wretched as you +please to term me, I have too much self-respect to stay a day longer +where I have been so grossly, so needlessly insulted. You need not +seek to detain me. Take your hand off my arm. I am going now; the +sooner, the better. I understand, madam, your brother will not +countenance your cruelty, and you are ashamed for him to know what, +in his absence, you were not ashamed to do. I scorn to retaliate! He +shall not learn from me why I left so suddenly. Tell him what you +choose." + +Mrs. Chilton was very pale, and her lips were compressed till they +grew purple. Clinching her hand, she said under her breath: + +"You artful little wretch. Am I to be thwarted by such a mere child? +You shall not quit the house. Go to your room, and don't make a fool +of yourself. In future I shall not concern myself about you, if you +take root at the front door. Go in, and let matters stand. I promise +you I will not interfere again, no matter what you do. Do you hear +me?" + +"No. You have neither the power to detain nor to expel me. I shall +leave here immediately, and you need not attempt to coerce me; for, +if you do, I will acquaint Dr. Hartwell with the whole affair, as +soon as he comes, or when I see him. I am going for my clothes; not +those you so reluctantly had made, but the old garments I wore when +I worked for my bread." She shook off the detaining hand, and went +up to her room. Harriet had already lighted her lamp, and, as she +entered the door, the rays fell brightly on the picture she had +learned to love so well. Now she looked at it through scalding +tears, and, to her excited fancy, the smile seemed to have faded +from the lips of Hope, and the valley looked more dreary, and the +pilgrims more desolate and miserable. She turned from it, and, +taking off the clothes she wore, dressed herself in the humble +apparel of former days. The old trunk was scarcely worth keeping, +save as a relic; and folding up the clothes and books into as small +a bundle as possible, she took it in her arms and descended the +steps. She wished very much to tell Harriet good-by, and thank her +for her unvarying kindness; and now, on the eve of her departure, +she remembered the words whispered during her illness, and the offer +of assistance when she "got into trouble," as Harriet phrased it; +but, dreading to meet Mrs. Chilton again, she hurried down the hall, +and left the house. The friendly stars looked kindly down upon the +orphan, as she crossed the common, and proceeded toward the asylum, +and raising her eyes to the jeweled dome, the solemn beauty of the +night hushed the wild tumult in her heart, and she seemed to hear +the words pronounced from the skyey depths: "Lo, I am with you +always, even unto the end." Gradually, the results of the step she +had taken obtruded themselves before her, and with a keen pang of +pain and grief came the thought, "What will Dr. Hartwell think of +me?" All his kindness during the time she had passed beneath his +roof--his genial tones; his soft, caressing touch on her head; his +rare, but gentle smile; his constant care for her comfort and +happiness--all rushed like lightning over her mind, and made the hot +tears gush over her face. Mrs. Chilton would, of course, offer him +some plausible solution of her sudden departure. He would think her +ungrateful, and grow indifferent to her welfare or fate. Yet hope +whispered, "He will suspect the truth; he must know his sister's +nature; he will not blame me." But all this was in the cloudy realm +of conjecture, and the stern realities of her position weighed +heavily on her heart. Through Dr. Hartwell, who called to explain +her sudden disappearance, Mrs. Martin had sent her the eighteen +dollars due for three months' service, and this little sum was all +that she possessed. As she walked on, pondering the many +difficulties which attended the darling project of educating herself +thoroughly, the lights of the asylum greeted her, and it was with a +painful sense of desolation that she mounted the steps, and stood +upon the threshold, where she and Lilly had so often sat, in years +gone by. Mrs. Williams met her at the door, wondering what unusual +occurrence induced a visitor at this unseasonable hour. The hall +lamp shone on her kind but anxious face, and as Beulah looked at +her, remembered care and love caused a feeling of suffocation, and, +with an exclamation of joy, she threw her arms around her. +Astonished at a greeting so unexpected, the matron glanced hurriedly +at the face pressed against her bosom, and, recognizing her quondam +charge, folded her tenderly to her heart. + +"Beulah, dear child, I am so glad to see you!" As she kissed her +white cheeks, Beulah felt the tears dropping down upon them. + +"Come into my room, dear, and take off your bonnet." She led her to +the quiet little room, and took the bundle and the antiquated +bonnet, which Pauline declared "Mrs. Noah had worn all through the +forty days' shower." + +"Mrs. Williams, can I stay here with you until I can get a place +somewhere? The managers will not object, will they?" + +"No, dear; I suppose not. But, Beulah, I thought you had been +adopted, just after Lilly died, by Dr. Hartwell? Here I have been, +ever since I heard it from some of the managers, thinking how lucky +it was for you, and feeling so thankful to God for remembering his +orphans. Child, what has happened? Tell me freely, Beulah." + +With her head on the matron's shoulder, she imparted enough of what +had transpired to explain her leaving her adopted home. Mrs. +Williams shook her head, and said sadly: + +"You have been too hasty, child. It was Dr. Hartwell's house; he had +taken you to it, and, without consulting and telling him, you should +not have left it. If you felt that you could not live there in peace +with his sister, it was your duty to have told him so, and then +decided as to what course you would take. Don't be hurt, child, if I +tell you you are too proud. Poverty and pride make a bitter lot in +this world; and take care you don't let your high spirit ruin your +prospects. I don't mean to say, dear, that you ought to bear insult +and oppression, but I do think you owed it to the doctor's kindness +to have waited until his return before you quitted his house." + +"Oh, you do not know him! If he knew all that Mrs. Chilton said and +did he would turn her and Pauline out of the house immediately. They +are poor, and, but for him, could not live without toil. I have no +right to cause their ruin. She is his sister, and has a claim on +him. I have none. She expects Pauline to inherit his fortune, and +could not bear to think of his adopting me. I don't wonder at that +so much. But she need not have been so cruel, so insulting. I don't +want his money, or his house, or his elegant furniture. I only want +an education, and his advice, and his kind care for a few years. I +like Pauline very much indeed. She never treated me at all unkindly; +and I could not bear to bring misfortune on her, she is so happy." + +"That is neither here nor there. He will not hear the truth, of +course; and, even if he did, he will not suppose you were actuated +by any such Christian motives to shield his sister's meanness. You +ought to have seen him first." + +"Well, it is all over now, and I see I must help myself. I want to +go to the public school, where the tuition is free; but how can I +support myself in the meantime? Eighteen dollars would not board me +long, and, besides, I shall have to buy clothes." She looked up, +much perplexed, in the matron's anxious face. The latter was silent +a moment, and then said: + +"Why, the public school closes in a few weeks; the next session will +not begin before autumn, and what could you do until then? No, I +will just inform Dr. Hartwell of the truth of the whole matter. I +think it is due him, and--" + +"Indeed you must not! I promised Mrs. Chilton that I would not +implicate her, and your doing it would amount to the same thing. I +would not be the means of driving Pauline out of her uncle's house +for all the gold in California!" + +"Silly child! What on earth possessed you to promise any such +thing?" + +"I wanted her to see that I was honest in what I said. She knew that +I could, by divulging the whole affair, turn her out of the house +(for Dr. Hartwell's disposition is a secret to no one who has lived +in his home), and I wished to show her that I told the truth in +saying I only wanted to be educated for a teacher." "Suppose the +doctor comes here and asks you about the matter?" + +"I shall tell him that I prefer not being dependent on anyone. But +he will not come. He does not know where I am." + +Yet the dread that he would filled her mind with new anxieties. + +"Well, well, it is no use to fret over what can't be undone. I wish +I could help you, but I don't see any chance just now." + +"Could not I get some plain sewing? Perhaps the managers would give +me work?" + +"Ah, Beulah, it would soon kill you, to have to sew for your +living." + +"No, no; I can bear more than you think," answered the girl, with a +dreary smile. + +"Yes; your spirit can endure more than your body. Your father died +with consumption, child; but don't fret about it any more to-night. +Come, get some supper, and then go to sleep. You will stay in my +room, with me, dear, till something can be done to assist you." + +"Mrs. Williams, you must promise me that you never will speak of +what I have told you regarding that conversation with Mrs. Chilton." + +"I promise you, dear, I never will mention it, since you prefer +keeping the matter secret." + +"What will Dr. Hartwell think of me?" was the recurring thought that +would not be banished; and, unable to sleep, Beulah tossed +restlessly on her pillow all night, dreading lest he should despise +her for her seeming ingratitude. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + +For perhaps two hours after Beulah's departure Mrs. Chilton wandered +up and down the parlors, revolving numerous schemes explanatory of +her unexpected exodus. Completely nonplused, for the first time in +her life, she sincerely rued the expression of dislike and contempt +which had driven the orphan from her adopted home; and, unable to +decide on the most plausible solution to be offered her brother, she +paced restlessly to and fro. Engrossed by no particularly felicitous +reflections, she failed to notice Mazeppa's quick tramp, and +remained in ignorance of the doctor's return until he entered the +room, and stood beside her. His manner was hurried, his thoughts +evidently preoccupied, as he said: + +"May, I am going into the country to be absent all of tomorrow, and +possibly longer. There is some surgical work to be performed for a +careless hunter, and I must start immediately. I want you to see +that a room is prepared for Percy Lockhart. He is very feeble, and I +have invited him to come and stay with me while he is in the city. +He rode out this evening, and is worse from the fatigue. I shall +expect you to see that everything is provided for him that an +invalid could desire. Can I depend upon you?" + +"Certainly; I will exert myself to render his stay here pleasant; +make yourself easy on that score." It was very evident that the +cloud was rapidly lifting from her heart and prospects; but she +veiled the sparkle in her eye, and, unsuspicious of anything amiss, +her brother left the room. Walking up to one of the mirrors, which +extended from floor to ceiling, she surveyed herself carefully, and +a triumphant smile parted her lips. + +"Percy Lockhart is vulnerable as well as other people, and I have +yet to see the man whose heart will proudly withstand the +allurements of flattery, provided the homage is delicately and +gracefully offered. Thank Heaven! years have touched me lightly, and +there was more truth than she relished in what Julia Vincent said +about my beauty!" + +This self-complacent soliloquy was cut short by the appearance of +her brother, who carried a case of surgical instruments in his hand. + +"May, tell Beulah I am sorry I did not see her. I would go up and +wake her, but have not time. She wished to ask me something. Tell +her, if it is anything of importance, to do just as she likes; I +will see about it when I come home. Be sure you tell her. Good- +night; take care of Percy." He turned away, but she exclaimed: + +"She is not here, Guy. She asked me this evening if she might spend +the night at the asylum. She thought you would not object, and +certainly I had no authority to prevent her. Indeed, the parlor was +full of company, and I told her she might go if she wished. I +suppose she will be back early in the morning." + +His face darkened instantly, and she felt that he was searching her +with his piercing eyes. + +"All this sounds extremely improbable to me. If she is not at home +again at breakfast, take the carriage and go after her. Mind, May! I +will sift the whole matter when I come back." He hurried off, and +she breathed freely once more. Dr. Hartwell sprang into his buggy, +to which a fresh horse had been attached, and, dismissing Hal, whose +weight would only have retarded his progress, he drove rapidly off. +The gate had been left open for him, and he was passing through, +when arrested by Harriet's well-known voice. + +"Stop, master! Stop a minute!" + +"What do you want? I can't stop!" cried he impatiently. + +"Are you going after that poor, motherless child?" + +"No. But what the devil is to pay here! I shall get at the truth +now. Where is Beulah? Talk fast." + +"She is at the asylum to-night, sir. I followed and watched the poor +little thing. Master, if you don't listen to me, if you please, sir, +you never will get at the truth, for that child won't tell it. I +heard her promise Miss May she would not. You would be ready to +fight if you knew all I know." + +"Why did Beulah leave here this evening?" + +"Because Miss May abused and insulted her; told her before some +ladies that she was a 'miserable beggar' that you picked up at the +hospital, and that you thought it was charity to feed and clothe her +till she was big enough to work. The ladies were in the front yard, +and the child happened to be sitting by the fountain; she had just +come from riding. I was sewing at one of the windows upstairs, sir, +and heard every word. When the folks were gone Miss May walks up to +her and asks her what she is doing where anybody could see her? Oh, +master! if you could have seen that child's looks. She fairly seemed +to rise off her feet, and her face was as white as a corpse. She +said she had wanted an education; that she knew you had been very +kind; hut she never dreamed of taking Miss Pauline's place in your +house. She said she would not stay where she was unwelcome; that she +was not starving when you took her home; that she knew you were kind +and good; but that she scorned--them were the very words, master-- +she scorned to stay a day longer where she had been so insulted! Oh, +she was in a towering rage; she trembled all over, and Miss May +began to be scared, for she knew you would not suffer such doings, +and she tried to pacify her and make up the quarrel by telling her +she might stay and have an education, if that was all she wanted. +But the girl would not hear to anything she said, and told her she +need not be frightened, that she wouldn't go to you with the fuss; +she would not tell you why she left your house. She went to her room +and she got every rag of her old clothes, and left the house with +the tears raining out of her eyes. Oh, master, it's a crying shame! +If you had only been here to hear that child talk to Miss May! Good +Lord! how her big eyes did blaze when she told her she could earn a +living!" + +By the pale moonlight she could see that her master's face was rigid +as steel; but his voice was even calmer than usual when he asked: +"Are you sure she is now at the asylum?" + +"Yes, sir; sure." + +"Very well; she is safe then for the present. Does anyone know that +you heard the conversation?" + +"Not a soul, sir, except yourself." + +"Keep the matter perfectly quiet till I come home. I shall be away a +day, or perhaps longer. Meantime, see that Beulah does not get out +of your sight. Do you understand me?" + +"Yes, sir--I do." + +The buggy rolled swiftly on, and Harriet returned to the house by a +circuitous route, surmising that "Miss May's" eyes might detect her +movements. + +The same night Clara Sanders sat on the doorstep of her tumble +cottage home. The moonlight crept through the clustering honeysuckle +and silvered the piazza floor with grotesque fretwork, while it +bathed lovingly the sad face of the girlish watcher. Her chin rested +in her palms, and the soft eyes were bent anxiously on the +countenance of her infirm and aged companion. + +"Grandpa, don't look so troubled. I am very sorry, too, about the +diploma; but if I am not to have it, why, there is no use in +worrying about it. Madam St. Cymon is willing to employ me as I am, +and certainly I should feel grateful for her preference, when there +are several applicants for the place. She told me this evening that +she thought I would find no difficulty in performing what would be +required of me." + +This was uttered in a cheerful tone, which might have succeeded very +well had the sorrowful face been veiled. + +"Ah, Clara, you don't dream of the burden you are taking upon +yourself! The position of assistant teacher in an establishment like +Madam St. Cymon's is one that you are by nature totally unfitted +for. Child, it will gall your spirit; it will be unendurable." The +old man sighed heavily. + +"Still, I have been educated with an eye to teaching, and though I +am now to occupy a very subordinate place, the trials will not be +augmented. On the whole, I do not know but it is best as it is. Do +not try to discourage me. It is all I can do, and I am determined I +will not despond about what can't be helped." + +"My dear child, I did not mean to depress you. But you are so young +to bow your neck to such a yoke! How old are you?" He turned round +to look at her. + +"Only sixteen and a few months. Life is before me yet, an untrodden +plain. Who knows but this narrow path of duty may lead to a calm, +sweet resting-place for us both? I was thinking just now of that +passage from your favorite Wallenstein:" + + "My soul's secure! In the night only, Friedland's stars can beam.' + +"The darkness has come down upon us, grandpa; let us wait patiently +for the uprising of stars. I am not afraid of the night." + +There was silence for some moments; then the old man rose, and, +putting back the white locks which had fallen over his face, asked, +in a subdued tone: + +"When will you commence your work?" + +"To-morrow, sir." + +"God bless you, Clara, and give you strength, as he sees you have +need." He kissed her fondly, and withdrew to his own room. She sat +for some time looking vacantly at the mosaic of light and shade on +the floor before her, and striving to divest her mind of the +haunting thought that she was the victim of some unyielding +necessity, whose decree had gone forth, and might not be annulled. +In early childhood her home had been one of splendid affluence; but +reverses came, thick and fast, as misfortunes ever do, and, ere she +could realize the swift transition, penury claimed her family among +its crowding legions. Discouraged and embittered, her father made +the wine-cup the sepulcher of care, and in a few months found a +deeper and far more quiet grave. His mercantile embarrassments had +dragged his father-in-law to ruin; and, too aged to toil up the +steep again, the latter resigned himself to spending the remainder +of his days in obscurity, and perhaps want. To Clara's gifted mother +he looked for aid and comfort in the clouded evening of life, and +with unceasing energy she toiled to shield her father and her child +from actual labor. Thoroughly acquainted with music and drawing, her +days were spent in giving lessons in those branches which had been +acquired with reference to personal enjoyment alone, and the silent +hours of the night often passed in stitching the garments of those +who had flocked to her costly entertainments in days gone by. When +Clara was about thirteen years of age a distant relative, chancing +to see her, kindly proposed to contribute the sum requisite for +affording her every educational advantage. The offer was gratefully +accepted by the devoted mother, and Clara was placed at Madam St. +Cymon's, where more than ordinary attention could be bestowed on the +languages. + +The noble woman whose heart had bled incessantly over the misery, +ruin, and degradation of her husband sank slowly under the +intolerable burden of sorrows, and a few weeks previous to the +evening of which I write folded her weary hands and went home to +rest. In the springtime of girlhood, Clara felt herself transformed +into a woman. Standing beside her mother's tomb, supporting her +grandmother's tottering form, she shuddered in anticipating the +dreary future that beckoned her on; and now, as if there were not +troubles enough already to disquiet her, the annual amount advanced +toward her school expenses was suddenly withdrawn. The cousin, +residing in a distant State, wrote that pecuniary troubles had +assailed him, and prevented all further assistance. In one more year +she would have finished the prescribed course and graduated +honorably; and, more than all, she would have obtained a diploma, +which might have been an "open sesame" to any post she aspired to. +Thus frustrated in her plans, she gladly accepted the position of +assistant teacher in the primary department, which, having become +vacant by the dismissal of the incumbent, madam kindly tendered her. +The salary was limited, of course; but nothing else presented +itself, and, quitting the desk, where she had so often pored over +her text-books, she prepared to grapple with the trials which +thickly beset the path of a young woman thrown upon her own +resources for maintenance. Clara was naturally amiable, unselfish, +and trusting. She was no intellectual prodigy, yet her mind was +clear and forcible, her judgment matured, and, above all, her pure +heart warm and loving. Notwithstanding the stern realities that +marked her path, there was a vein of romance in her nature which, +unfortunately, attained more than healthful development, and while +it often bore her into the Utopian realms of fancy, it was still +impotent to modify, in any degree, the social difficulties with +which she was forced to contend. Ah, there is a touching beauty in +the radiant up-look of a girl just crossing the limits of youth, and +commencing her journey through the checkered sphere of womanhood! It +is all dew-sparkle and morning glory to her ardent, buoyant spirit, +as she presses forward exulting in blissful anticipations. But the +withering heat of the conflict of life creeps on; the dewdrops +exhale, the garlands of hope, shattered and dead, strew the path, +and too often, ere noontide, the clear brow and sweet smile are +exchanged for the weary look of one longing for the evening rest, +the twilight, the night. Oh, may the good God give his sleep early +unto these many! + +There was a dawning light in Clara's eyes which showed that, though +as yet a mere girl in years, she had waked to the consciousness of +emotions which belong to womanhood. She was pretty, and of course +she knew it, for I am skeptical of those characters who grow up to +mature beauty, all unsuspicious of the fatal dower, and are some day +startled by a discovery of their possessions. She knew, too, that +female loveliness was an all-potent spell, and, depressing as were +the circumstances of her life and situation, she felt that a +brighter lot might be hers, without any very remarkable or seemingly +inconsistent course of events. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + + +"Harriet, bring me a cup of strong coffee." + +Dr. Hartwell had returned late in the afternoon of the second day, +and, travel-worn and weary, threw himself down on the sofa in his +study. There was a pale severity in his face which told that his +reflections during his brief absence had been far from pleasant, and +as he swept back the hair from his forehead, and laid his head on +the cushion, the whole countenance bespoke the bitterness of a proud +but miserable man. He remained for some time with closed eyes, and +when the coffee was served drank it without comment. Harriet busied +herself about the room, doing various unnecessary things, and +wondering why her master did not inquire concerning home affairs. +Finally, having exhausted every pretext for lingering, she coughed +very spasmodically once or twice, and, putting her hand on the knob +of the door, said deferentially: + +"Do you want anything else, sir? The bathroom is all ready." + +"Has my sister been to the asylum?" + +"No, sir." + +"Go and arrange Beulah's room." + +She retired; and, springing up, he paced the floor, striving to +master the emotion which so unwontedly agitated him. His lips +writhed, and the thin nostrils expanded, but he paused before the +melodeon, sat down and played several pieces, and gradually the +swollen veins on his brow lost their corded appearance, and the +mouth resumed its habitual compression. Then, with an exterior as +calm as the repose of death, he took his hat, and went toward the +parlor. Mr. Lockhart was reclining on one of the sofas, Pauline sat +on an ottoman near him, looking over a book of prints, and Mrs. +Chilton, tastefully attired, occupied the piano-stool. Witching +strains of music greeted her brother, as he stopped at the door and +looked in. In the mirror opposite she saw his image reflected, and +for an instant her heart beat rapidly; but the delicate fingers flew +over the keys as skillfully as before, and only the firm setting of +the teeth betokened the coming struggle. He entered, and, walking up +to the invalid, said cordially: + +"How are you, Percy? better, I hope." While one hand clasped his +friend's, the other was laid with brotherly freedom on the sick +man's head. + +"Of course I am. There was no malady in Eden, was there? Verily, +Guy, in your delightful home, I am growing well again." + +"Ah! so much for not possessing Ithuriel's spear. I am glad to find +you free from fever." + +"Howd'y-do, uncle! Don't you see me?" said Pauline, reaching up her +hand. + +"It is always hard to find you, Pauline; you are such a demure, +silent little body," said he, shaking her hand kindly. + +"Welcome, Guy! I expected you yesterday. What detained you so long?" +Mrs. Chilton approached with outstretched hand, and at the same time +offered her lips for a kiss. + +He availed himself of neither, but, fixing his eyes intently on +hers, said as sweetly as if he had been soothing a fretful child: + +"Necessity, of course; but now that I have come, I shall make +amends, I promise you, for the delay. Percy, has she taken good care +of you?" + +"She is an admirable nurse; I can never requite the debt she has +imposed. Is not my convalescence sufficient proof of her superior +skill?" Mr. Lockhart raised himself, and, leaning on his elbow, +suffered his eyes to rest admiringly on the graceful form and +faultless features beside him. + +"Are you really so much better?" said Dr. Hartwell, gnawing his lip. + +"Indeed I am! Why are you so incredulous? Have you so little +confidence in your own prescriptions?" + +"Confidence! I had little enough when given, immeasurably less now. +But we will talk of all this after a little. I have some matters to +arrange, and will be with you at tea. May, I wish to see you." + +"Well, Guy, what is it!" Without moving an inch, she looked up at +him. + +"Come to my study," answered her brother quietly. + +"And leave your patient to amuse himself? Really, Guy, you exercise +the rites of hospitality so rarely that you forget the ordinary +requirements. Apropos, your little protegee has not returned. It +seems she did not fancy living here, and prefers staying at the +asylum. I would not trouble myself about her, if I were you. Some +people cannot appreciate kindness, you know." She uttered this piece +of counsel with perfect sangfroid, and met her brother's eye as +innocently as Pauline would have done. + +"I am thoroughly acquainted with her objections to this place, and +determined to remove them so completely that she cannot refused to +return." + +A gray pallor crept over his sister's face; but she replied, with +her usual equanimity. + +"You have seen her, then? I thought you had hurried back to your +sick friend here, without pausing by the way." + +"No! I have not seen her, and, you are aware, her voluntary promise +would seal her lips, even if I had." He smiled contemptuously, as he +saw her puzzled look, and continued: "Percy will excuse you for a +few moments; come with me. Pauline, entertain this gentleman in our +absence." + +She took his offered arm, and they proceeded to the study in +silence. + +"Sit down." Dr. Hartwell pushed a chair toward her, and stood +looking her fully in the face. She did not shrink, and asked +unconcernedly: + +"Well, Guy, to what does all this preamble lead?" + +"May, is the doctrine of future punishments laid down as orthodox, +in that elegantly gilded prayer-book you take with you in your +weekly pilgrimages to church?" + +"Come, come, Guy; if you have no respect for religion yourself, +don't scoff at its observances in my presence. It is very unkind, +and I will not allow it." She rose, with an air of offended dignity. + +"Scoff! You wrong me. Why, verily, your religion is too formidable +to suffer the thought. I tell you, sister mine, your creed is a +terrible one in my eyes." He looked at her with a smile of withering +scorn. + +She grew restless under his impaling gaze, and he continued +mockingly: + +"From such creeds! such practice! Good Lord deliver us!" + +She turned to go, but his hand fell heavily on her shoulder. + +"I am acquainted with all that passed between Beulah and yourself +the evening she left my house. I was cognizant of the whole truth +before I left the city." + +"Artful wretch! She is as false as contemptible!" muttered the +sister, through set teeth. + +"Take care! Do not too hastily apply your own individual standard of +action to others. She does not dream that I am acquainted with the +truth, though doubtless she wonders that, knowing you so well, I +should not suspect it." + +"Ah, guided by your favorite Mephistopheles, you wrapped the mantle +of invisibility about you, and heard it all. Eh?" + +"No; Mephistopheles is not ubiquitous, and I left him at home here, +it seems, when I took that child to ride. It is difficult for me to +believe you are my sister! very difficult! It is the most +humiliating thought that could possibly be suggested to me. May, I +very nearly decided to send you and Pauline out into the world +without a dime!--without a cent!--just as I found you, and I may do +so yet--" + +"You dare not! You dare not! You swore a solemn oath to the dying +that you would always provide for us! I am not afraid of your +breaking your vow!" cried Mrs. Chilton leaning heavily against the +table to support herself. + +"You give me credit for too much nicety. I tell you I would break my +oath to-morrow--nay, to-night; for your duplicity cancels it--but +for that orphan you hate so cordially. She would never return if you +and Pauline suffered for the past. For her sake, and hers only, I +will still assist, support you; for have her here I will! if it cost +me life and fortune! I would send you off to the plantation, but +there are no educational advantages there for Pauline; and, +therefore, if Beulah returns, I have resolved to buy and give you a +separate home, wherever you may prefer. Stay here, you cannot and +shall not!" + +"And what construction will the world place on your taking a young +girl into your house at the time that I leave it? Guy, with what +marvelous foresight you are endowed!" said she, laughing +sardonically. + +"I shall take measures to prevent any improper construction! Mrs. +Watson, the widow of one of my oldest and best friends, has been +left in destitute circumstances, and I shall immediately offer her a +home here, to take charge of my household and look after Beulah when +I am absent. She is an estimable woman, past fifty years of age, and +her character is so irreproachable that her presence here will +obviate the objection you have urged. You will decide to-night where +you wish to fix your future residence, and let me know to-morrow. I +shall not give you longer time for a decision. Meantime, when Beulah +returns you will not allude to the matter. At your peril, May! I +have borne much from you; but, by all that I prize, I swear I will +make you suffer severely if you dare to interfere again. Do not +imagine that I am ignorant of your schemes! I tell you now, I would +gladly see Percy Lockhart lowered into the grave rather than know +that you had succeeded in blinding him! Oh, his noble nature would +loathe you, could he see you as you are. There, go! or I shall +forget that I am talking to a woman--much less a woman claiming to +be my sister! Go! go!" He put up his hands as if unwilling to look +at her, and, leaving the room, descended to the front door. A large +family carriage, drawn by two horses, stood in readiness, and, +seating himself within it, he ordered the coachman to drive to the +asylum. Mrs. Williams met him at the entrance, and, despite her +assumed composure, felt nervous and uncomfortable, for his +scrutinizing look disconcerted her. + +"Madam, you are the matron of this institution, I presume. I want to +see Beulah Benton." + +"Sir, she saw your carriage, and desired me to say to you that, +though she was very grateful for your kindness, she did not wish to +burden you, and preferred remaining here until she could find some +position which would enable her to support herself. She begs you +will not insist upon seeing her; she does not wish to see you." + +"Where is she? I shall not leave the house until I do see her." + +She saw from his countenance that it was useless to contend. There +was an unbending look of resolve which said plainly, "Tell me where +to find her, or I shall search for her at once." Secretly pleased at +the prospect of reconciliation, the matron no longer hesitated, and, +pointing to the staircase, said: "She is in the first right-hand +room." + +He mounted the steps, opened the door, and entered. Beulah was +standing by the window. She had recognized his step, and knew that +he was in the room, but felt as if she would not meet his eye for +the universe. Yet there was in her heart an intense longing to see +him again. During the two past days she had missed his kind manner +and grave watchfulness, and now, if she had dared to yield to the +impulse that prompted, she would have sprung to meet him and caught +his hand to her lips. He approached, and stood looking at the +drooped face; then his soft, cool touch was on her head, and he said +in his peculiar low, musical tones: + +"Proud little spirit, come home and be happy." + +She shook her head, saying resolutely: + +"I cannot; I have no home. I could not be happy in your house." + +"You can be in future. Beulah, I know the whole truth of this +matter. How I discovered it is no concern of yours--you have not +broken your promise. Now, mark me; I make your return to my house +the condition of my sister's pardon. I am not trifling! If you +persist in leaving me, I tell you solemnly I will send her and +Pauline out into the world to work for their daily bread, as you +want to do! If you will come back, I will give them a comfortable +home of their own wherever they may prefer to live, and see that +they are always well cared for. But they shall not remain in my +house whether you come or not. I am in earnest! Look at me; you know +I never say what I do not mean. I want you to come back; I ask you +to come with me now. I am lonely; my home is dark and desolate. +Come, my child; come!" He held her hands in his, and drew her gently +toward him. She looked eagerly into his face, and, as she noted the +stern sadness that marred its noble beauty, the words of his sister +flashed upon her memory: He had been married! Was it the loss of his +wife that had so darkened his elegant home?--that gave such +austerity to the comparatively youthful face? She gazed into the +deep eyes till she grew dizzy, and answered indistinctly: + +"I have no claim on you--will not be the means of parting you and +your sister. You have Pauline; make her your child." + +"Henceforth my sister and myself are parted, whether you will it or +not, whether you come back or otherwise. Once for all, if you would +serve her, come, for on this condition only will I provide for her. +Pauline does not suit me; you do. I can make you a friend, in some +sort a companion. Beulah, you want to come to me; I see it in your +eyes; but I see too that you want conditions. What are they?" + +"Will you always treat Pauline just as kindly as if you had never +taken me to your house?" + +"Except having a separate home, she shall never know any difference. +I promise you this. What else?" + +"Will you let me go to the public school instead of Madam St. +Cymon's?" + +"Why, pray?" + +"Because the tuition is free." + +"And you are too proud to accept any aid from me?" + +"No, sir; I want your counsel and guidance, and I want to be with +you to show you that I do thank you for all your goodness; but I +want to cost you as little as possible." + +"You do not expect to depend on me always, then?" said he, smiling +despite himself. + +"No, sir; only till I am able to teach. If you are willing to do +this, I shall be glad to go back, very glad; but not unless you +are." She looked as firm as her guardian. + +"Better stipulate also that you are to wear nothing more expensive +than bit calico." He seemed much amused. + +"Indeed, sir, I am not jesting at all. If you will take care of me +while I am educating myself, I shall be very grateful to you; but I +am not going to be adopted." + +"Very well. Then I will try to take care of you. I have signed your +treaty; are you ready to come home?" + +"Yes, sir; glad to come." Her fingers closed confidingly over his, +and they joined Mrs. Williams in the hall below. A brief explanation +from Beulah sufficed for the rejoicing matron, and soon she was +borne rapidly from the asylum. Dr. Hartwell was silent until they +reached home, and Beulah was going to her own room, when he asked +suddenly: + +"What was it that you wished to ask me about the evening of the +ride?" + +"That I might go to the public school." + +"What put that into your head?" "As an independent orphan, I am +insulted at Madam St. Cymon's." + +"By whom?" His eyes flashed. + +"No matter now, sir." + +"By whom? I ask you." + +"Not by Pauline. She would scorn to be guilty of anything so +ungenerous." + +"You do not mean to answer my question, then?" + +"No, sir. Do not ask me to do so, for I cannot." + +"Very well. Get ready for tea. Mr. Lockhart is here. One word more. +You need fear no further interference from anyone." + +He walked on, and, glad to be released, Beulah hastened to her own +room, with a strange feeling of joy on entering it again. Harriet +welcomed her warmly, and, without alluding to her absence, assisted +in braiding the heavy masses of hair, which required arranging. Half +an hour after, Dr. Hartwell knocked at the door, and conducted her +downstairs. Mrs. Chilton rose and extended her hand, with an +amicable expression of countenance for which Beulah was not +prepared. She could not bring herself to accept the hand, but her +salutation was gravely polite. + +"Good-evening, Mrs. Chilton." + +Mr. Lockhart made room for her on the sofa; and, quietly ensconced +in one corner, she sat for some time so engaged in listening to the +general conversation that the bitter recollection of by-gone trials +was entirely banished. Dr. Hartwell and his friend were talking of +Europe, and the latter, after recounting much of interest in +connection with his former visits, said earnestly: + +"Go with me this time, Guy; one tour cannot have satiated you. It +will be double, nay, triple, enjoyment to have you along. It is, and +always has been, a mystery to me why you should persist in +practicing. You do not need the pecuniary aid; your income would +enable you to live just as you pleased. Life is short at best. Why +not glean all of pleasure that travel affords to a nature like +yours? Your sister was just telling me that in a few days she goes +North to place Pauline at some celebrated school, and, without her, +you will be desolate. Come, let's to Europe together. What do you +say?" + +Dr. Hartwell received this intimation of his sister's plans without +the slightest token of surprise, and smiled sarcastically as he +replied: + +"Percy, I shall answer you in the words of a favorite author of the +day. He says, 'It is for want of self-culture that the superstition +of traveling, whose idols are Italy, England, Egypt, retains its +fascination for all educated Americans. He who travels to be amused, +or to get somewhat which he does not carry, travels away from +himself, and grows old, even in youth, among--old things. In Thebes, +in Palmyra, his will and mind have become old and dilapidated as +they. He carries ruins to ruins. Traveling is a fool's paradise. At +home I dream that at Naples, at Rome, I can be intoxicated with +beauty and lose my sadness. I pack my trunk, embark, and finally +wake up in Naples, and there beside me is the stern fact, the sad +self, unrelenting, identical, that I fled from. I affect to be +intoxicated with sights and suggestions, but I am not. My giant goes +with me wherever I go.' Percy, I endeavored to drown my giant in the +Mediterranean; to bury it forever beneath the green waters of Lago +Maggiore; to hurl it from solemn, icy, Alpine heights; to dodge it +in museums of art; but, as Emerson says, it clung to me with +unerring allegiance, and I came home. And now, daily and yearly, I +repeat the hopeless experiment, in my round of professional duties. +Yes, May and Pauline are going away, but I shall have Beulah to look +after, and I fancy time will not drag its wheels through coming +years. How soon do you think of leaving America? I have some +commissions for you when you start." + +"I hope I shall be able to go North within a fortnight, and, after a +short visit to Newport or Saratoga, sail for Havre. What do you want +from the great storehouse of art, sculpture, and paintings, cameos +and prints?" + +"I will furnish you with a catalogue. Do you go through Germany, or +only flaunt, butterfly-like, under the sunny skies of the Levant?" + +"I have, as yet, no settled plans; but probably before I return +shall explore Egypt, Syria, and Arabia. Do you want anything from +the dying world? From Dendera, Carnac, or that city of rock, lonely, +silent, awful Petra?" + +"Not I. The flavor of Sodom is too prevalent. But there are a few +localities that I shall ask you to sketch for me." + +Subsequently, Mr. Lockhart requested Beulah to sing her forest song +for him again. The blood surged quickly into her face, and, not +without confusion, she begged him to excuse her. He insisted, and +tried to draw her from her seat; but, sinking further back into the +corner, she assured him she could not; she never sang, except when +alone. Dr. Hartwell smiled, and, looking at her curiously, said: + +"I never heard her even attempt to sing. Beulah, why will you not +try to oblige him?" + +"Oh, sir! my songs are all connected with sorrows. I could not sing +them now; indeed, I could not." And as the memory of Lilly, hushed +by her lullaby, rose vividly before her, she put her hands over her +eyes and wept quietly. + +"When you come home from your Oriental jaunt, she will be able to +comply with your request. Meantime, Percy, come into the study; I +want a cigar and game of chess." + +Beulah quitted the parlor at the same time, and was mounting the +steps, when she heard Mr. Lockhart ask: + +"Guy, what are you going to do with that solemn-looking child?" + +"Going to try to show her that the world is not altogether made up +of brutes." She heard no more; but, long after she laid her head +upon the pillow, pondered on the kind fate which gave her so +considerate, so generous a guardian; and, in the depths of her +gratitude, she vowed to show him that she reverenced and honored +him. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + + +Three years passed swiftly, unmarked by any incidents of interest, +and one dreary night in December Beulah sat in Dr. Hartwell's study, +wondering what detained him so much, later than usual. The lamp +stood on the tea-table, and the urn awaited the master's return. The +room, with its books, statues, paintings, and melodeon, was +unaltered, but time had materially changed the appearance of the +orphan. She had grown tall, and the mazarine blue merino dress +fitted the slender form with scrupulous exactness. The luxuriant +black hair was combed straight back from the face, and wound into a +circular knot, which covered the entire back of the head, and gave a +classical outline to the whole. The eyelashes were longer and +darker, the complexion had lost its sickly hue, and, though there +was no bloom on the cheeks, they were clear and white. I have spoken +before of the singular conformation of the massive brow, and now the +style in which she wore her hair fully exposed the outline. The +large gray eyes had lost their look of bitterness, but more than +ever they were grave, earnest, restless, and searching; indexing a +stormy soul. The whole countenance betokened that rare combination +of mental endowments, that habitual train of deep, concentrated +thought, mingled with somewhat dark passion, which characterizes the +eagerly inquiring mind that struggles to lift itself far above +common utilitarian themes. The placid element was as wanting in her +physiognomy as in her character, and even the lines of the mouth +gave evidence of strength and restlessness, rather than peace. +Before her lay a book on geometry, and, engrossed by study, she was +unobservant of Dr. Hartwell's entrance. Walking up to the grate, he +warmed his fingers, and then, with his hands behind him, stood still +on the rug, regarding his protegee attentively. He looked precisely +as he had done more than three years before, when he waited at Mrs. +Martin's, watching little Johnny and his nurse. The colorless face +seemed as if chiseled out of ivory, and stern gravity, blended with +bitterness, was enthroned on the lofty, unfurrowed brow. He looked +at the girl intently, as he would have watched a patient to whom he +had administered a dubious medicine and felt some curiosity +concerning the result. + +"Beulah, put up your book and make the tea, will you?" + +She started up, and, seating herself before the urn, said joyfully: + +"Good-evening! I did not know you had come home. You look cold, +sir." + +"Yes, it is deucedly cold; and, to mend the matter, Mazeppa must +needs slip on the ice in the gutter and lame himself. Knew, too, I +should want him again to-night." He drew a chair to the table and +received his tea from her hand, for it was one of his whims to +dismiss Mrs. Watson and the servants at this meal, and have only +Beulah present. + +"Who is so ill as to require a second visit to-night?" + +She very rarely asked anything relative to his professional +engagements, but saw that he was more than usually interested. + +"Why, that quiet little Quaker friend of yours, Clara Sanders, will +probably lose her grandfather this time. He had a second paralytic +stroke to-day, and I doubt whether he survives till morning." + +"Are any of Clara's friends with her?" asked Beulah quickly. + +"Some two or three of the neighbors. What now?" he continued as she +rose from the table. + +"I am going to get ready and go with you when you return." + +"Nonsense! The weather is too disagreeable; and, besides, you can do +no good; the old man is unconscious. Don't think of it." + +"But I must think of it, and what is more, you must carry me, if you +please. I shall not mind the cold, and I know Clara would rather +have me with her, even though I could render no assistance. Will you +carry me? I shall thank you very much." She stood on the threshold. + +"And if I will not carry you?" he answered questioningly. + +"Then, sir, though sorry to disobey you, I shall be forced to walk +there." + +"So I supposed. You may get ready." + +"Thank you." She hurried off to wrap up for the ride and acquaint +Mrs. Watson with the cause of her temporary absence. On re-entering +the study she found the doctor lying on the sofa, with one hand over +his eyes. Without removing it he tossed a letter to her, saying: + +"There is a letter from Heidelberg. I had almost forgotten it. You +will have time to read it; the buggy is not ready." He moved his +fingers slightly, so as to see her distinctly, while she tore off +the envelope and perused it. At first she looked pleased; then the +black eyebrows met over the nose, and as she refolded it there was a +very decided curl in the compressed upper lip. She put it into her +pocket without comment. + +"Eugene is well, I suppose?" said the doctor, still shading his +eyes. + +"Yes, sir; quite well." + +"Does he seem to be improving his advantages?" + +"I should judge not, from the tone of this letter." + +"What does it indicate?" + +"That he thinks of settling down into mercantile life on his return; +as if he needed to go to Germany to learn to keep books." She spoke +hastily and with much chagrin. + +"And why not? Germany is par excellence the land of book-making, and +book-reading; why not of bookkeeping?" + +"German proficiency is not the question, sir." + +Dr. Hartwell smiled, and, passing his fingers through his hair, +replied: + +"You intend to annihilate that plebeian project of his, then?" + +"His own will must govern him, sir; over that I have no power." + +"Still you will use your influence in favor of a learned +profession?" + +"Yes, sir; if I have any." + +"Take care your ambitious pride does not ruin you both. There is the +buggy. Be so good as to give me my fur gauntlets out of the drawer +of my desk. That will do; come." + +The ride was rather silent. Beulah spoke several times, but was +answered in a manner which informed her that her guardian was in a +gloomy mood and did not choose to talk. He was to her as +inexplicable as ever. She felt that the barrier which divided them, +instead of melting away with long and intimate acquaintance, had +strengthened and grown impenetrable. Kind but taciturn, she knew +little of his opinions on any of the great questions which began to +agitate her own mind. For rather more than three years they had +spent their evenings together; she in studying, he in reading or +writing. Of his past life she knew absolutely nothing, for no +unguarded allusion to it ever escaped his lips. As long as she had +lived in his house, he had never mentioned his wife's name, and but +for his sister's words she would have been utterly ignorant of his +marriage. Whether the omission was studied, or merely the result of +abstraction, she could only surmise. Once, when sitting around the +fire, a piece of crape fell upon the hearth from the shrouded +portrait. He stooped down, picked it up, and, without glancing at +the picture, threw the fragment into the grate. She longed to see +the covered face, but dared not unfasten the sable folds, which had +grown rusty with age. Sometimes she fancied her presence annoyed +him; but if she absented herself at all during the evening he +invariably inquired the cause. He had most scrupulously avoided all +reference to matters of faith; she had endeavored several times to +direct the conversation to religious topics, but he adroitly eluded +her efforts, and abstained from any such discussion; and though on +Sabbath she generally accompanied Mrs. Watson to church, he never +alluded to it. Occasionally, when more than ordinarily fatigued by +the labors of the day, he had permitted her to read aloud to him +from some of his favorite volumes, and these brief glimpses had +given her an intense longing to pursue the same paths of +investigation. She revered and admired him; nay, she loved him; but +it was more earnest gratitude than genuine affection. Love casteth +out fear, and most certainly she feared him. She had entered her +seventeenth year, and, feeling that she was no longer a child, her +pride sometimes rebelled at the calm, commanding manner he +maintained toward her. + +They found Clara kneeling beside her insensible grandfather, while +two or three middle-aged ladies sat near the hearth, talking in +undertones. Beulah put her arms tenderly around her friend ere she +was aware of her presence, and the cry of blended woe and gladness +with which Clara threw herself on Beulah's bosom told her how well- +timed that presence was. Three years of teaching and care had worn +the slight young form, and given a troubled, strained, weary look to +the fair face. Thin, pale, and tearful, she clung to Beulah, and +asked, in broken accents, what would become of her when the aged +sleeper was no more. + +"Our good God remains to you, Clara. I was a shorn lamb, and he +tempered the winds for me. I was very miserable, but he did not +forsake me." + +Clara looked at the tall form of the physician, and, while her eyes +rested upon him with a species of fascination, she murmured: + +"Yes, you have been blessed indeed! You have him. He guards and +cares for your happiness; but I, oh, I am alone!" + +"You told me he had promised to be your friend. Best assured he will +prove himself such," answered Beulah, watching Clara's countenance +as she spoke. + +"Yes, I know; but--" She paused, and averted her head, for just then +he drew near and said gravely: + +"Beulah, take Miss Clara to her own room, and persuade her to rest. +I shall remain probably all night; at least until some change takes +place." + +"Don't send me away," pleaded Clara mournfully. + +"Go, Beulah; it is for her own good." She saw that he was +unrelenting, and complied without opposition. In the seclusion of +her room she indulged in a passionate burst of grief, and, thinking +it was best thus vented, Beulah paced up and down the floor, +listening now to the convulsive sobs, and now to the rain which +pelted the window-panes. She was two years younger than her +companion, yet felt that she was immeasurably stronger. Often during +their acquaintance a painful suspicion had crossed her mind; as +often she had banished it, but now it haunted her with a pertinacity +which she could not subdue. While her feet trod the chamber floor, +memory trod the chambers of the past, and gathered up every link +which could strengthen the chain of evidence. Gradually dim +conjecture became sad conviction, and she was conscious of a degree +of pain and sorrow for which she could not readily account. If Clara +loved Dr. Hartwell, why should it grieve her? Her step grew +nervously rapid, and the eyes settled upon the carpet with a +fixedness of which she was unconscious. Suppose he was double her +age, if Clara loved him notwithstanding, what business was it of +hers? Besides, no one would dream of the actual disparity in years, +for he was a very handsome man, and certainly did not look more than +ten years older. True, Clara was not very intellectual, and he was +particularly fond of literary pursuits; but had not she heard him +say that it was a singular fact in anthropology that men selected +their opposites for wives? She did not believe her guardian ever +thought of Clara save when in her presence. But how did she know +anything about his thoughts and fancies, his likes and dislikes? He +had never even spoken of his marriage--was it probable that the +subject of a second love would have escaped him? All this passed +rapidly in her mind, and when Clara called her to sit down on the +couch beside her, she started as from a painful dream. While her +friend talked sadly of the future, Beulah analyzed her features, and +came to the conclusion that it would be a very easy matter to love +her; the face was so sweet and gentle, the manner so graceful, the +tone so musical and winning. Absorbed in thought, neither noted the +lapse of time. Midnight passed; two o'clock came; and then at three +a knock startled the watchers. Clara sprang to the door; Dr. +Hartwell pointed to the sickroom, and said gently: + +"He has ceased to suffer. He is at rest." + +She looked at him vacantly an instant, and whispered, under her +breath: "He is not dead?" + +He did not reply, and, with a frightened expression, she glided into +the chamber of death, calling piteously on the sleeper to come back +and shield her. Beulah would have followed, but the doctor detained +her. + +"Not yet, child. Not yet." + +As if unconscious of the act, he passed his arm around her +shoulders, and drew her close to him. She looked up in astonishment, +but his eyes were fixed on the kneeling figure in the room opposite, +and she saw that, just then, he was thinking of anything else than +her presence. + +"Are you going home now, sir?" + +"Yes; but you must stay with that poor girl yonder. Can't you +prevail on her to come and spend a few days with you?" + +"I rather think not," answered Beulah, resolved not to try. + +"You look pale, my child. Watching is not good for you. It is a long +time since you have seen death. Strange that people will not see it +as it is. Passing strange." + +"What do you mean?" said she, striving to interpret the smile that +wreathed his lips. + +"You will not believe if I tell you. 'Life is but the germ of Death, +and Death the development of a higher Life.'" + +"Higher in the sense of heavenly immortality?" + +"You may call it heavenly if you choose. Stay here till the funeral +is over, and I will send for you. Are you worn out, child?" He had +withdrawn his arm, and now looked anxiously at her colorless face. + +"No, sir." + +"Then why are you so very pale?" + +"Did you ever see me, sir, when I was anything else?" + +"I have seen you look less ghostly. Good-by." He left the house +without even shaking hands. + +The day which succeeded was very gloomy, and, after the funeral +rites had been performed, and the second day looked in, Beulah's +heart rejoiced at the prospect of returning home. Clara shrank from +the thought of being left alone, the little cottage was so desolate. +She would give it up now, of course, and find a cheap boarding +house; but the furniture must be rubbed and sent down to an auction +room, and she dreaded the separation from all the objects which +linked her with the past. + +"Clara, I have been commissioned to invite you to spend several days +with me, until you can select a boarding house. Dr. Hartwell will be +glad to have you come." + +"Did he say so?" asked the mourner, shading her face with her hand. + +"He told me I must bring you home with me," answered Beulah. + +"Oh, how good, how noble he is! Beulah, you are lucky, lucky +indeed." She dropped her head on her arms. + +"Clara, I believe there is less difference in our positions than you +seem to imagine. We are both orphans, and in about a year I too +shall be a teacher. Dr. Hartwell is my guardian and protector, but +he will be a kind friend to you also." + +"Beulah, you are mad to dream of leaving him and turning teacher! I +am older than you, and have traveled over the very track that you +are so eager to set out upon. Oh, take my advice; stay where you +are! Would you leave summer sunshine for the icebergs of Arctic +night? Silly girl, appreciate your good fortune." + +"Can it be possible, Clara, that you are fainting so soon? Where are +all your firm resolves? If it is your duty, what matter the +difficulties?" She looked down pityingly on her companion, as in +olden time one of the athletae might have done upon a drooping +comrade. + +"Necessity knows no conditions, Beulah. I have no alternative but to +labor in that horrible treadmill round, day after day. You are more +fortunate; can have a home of elegance, luxury, and--" + +"And dependence! Would you be willing to change places with me, and +indolently wait for others to maintain you?" interrupted Beulah, +looking keenly at the wan, yet lovely, face before her. + +"Ah, gladly, if I had been selected as you were. Once I too felt +hopeful and joyous; but now life is dreary, almost a burden. Be +warned, Beulah; don't suffer your haughty spirit to make you reject +the offered home that may be yours." + +There was a strong approach to contempt in the expression with which +Beulah regarded her, as the last words were uttered, and she +answered coldly: + +"You are less a woman than I thought you, if you would be willing to +live on the bounty of others when a little activity would enable you +to support yourself." + +"Ah, Beulah! it is not only the bread you eat, or the clothes that +you wear; it is sympathy and kindness, love and watchfulness. It is +this that a woman wants. Oh, was her heart made, think you, to be +filled with grammars and geographies and copy-books? Can the feeling +that you are independent and doing your duty satisfy the longing for +other idols? Oh, Duty is an icy shadow! It will freeze you. It +cannot fill the heart's sanctuary. Woman was intended as a pet +plant, to be guarded and cherished; isolated and uncared for, she +droops, languishes, and dies." Ah! the dew-sparkle had exhaled and +the morning glory had vanished; the noontide heat of the conflict +was creeping on, and she was sinking down, impotent to continue the +struggle. + +"Clara Sanders, I don't believe one word of all this languishing +nonsense. As to my being nothing more nor less than a sickly +geranium, I know better. If you have concluded that you belong to +that dependent family of plants, I pity you sincerely, and beg that +you will not put me in any such category. Duty may be a cold shadow +to you, but it is a vast volcanic agency constantly impelling me to +action. What was my will given to me for, if to remain passive and +suffer others to minister to its needs? Don't talk to me about +woman's clinging, dependent nature. You are opening your lips to +repeat that senseless simile of oaks and vines; I don't want to hear +it; there are no creeping tendencies about me. You can wind, and +lean, and hang on somebody else if you like; but I feel more like +one of those old pine trees yonder. I can stand up. Very slim, if +you will, but straight and high. Stand by myself; battle with wind +and rain and tempest roar; be swayed and bent, perhaps, in the +storm, but stand unaided, nevertheless, I feel humbled when I hear a +woman bemoaning the weakness of her sex, instead of showing that she +has a soul and mind of her own inferior to none." + +"All that sounds very heroic in the pages of a novel, but the +reality is quite another matter. A tame, joyless, hopeless time you +will have if you scorn good fortune, as you threaten, and go into +the world to support yourself," answered Clara impatiently. + +"I would rather struggle with her for a crust than hang on her +garments asking a palace. I don't know what has come over you. You +are strangely changed!" cried Beulah, pressing her hands on her +friend's shoulders. + +"The same change will come over you when you endure what I have. +With all your boasted strength, you are but a woman; have a woman's +heart, and one day will be unable to hush its hungry cries." + +"Then I will crush it, so help me Heaven!" answered Beulah. + +"No! sorrow will do that time enough; no suicidal effort will be +necessary." For the first time Beulah marked an expression of +bitterness in the usually gentle, quiet countenance. She was pained +more than she chose to evince, and, seeing Dr. Hartwell's carriage +at the door, prepared to return home. + +"Tell him that I am very grateful for his kind offer; that his +friendly remembrance is dear to a bereaved orphan. Ah, Beulah! I +have known him from my childhood, and he has always been a friend as +well as a physician. During my mother's long illness he watched her +carefully and constantly, and when we tendered him the usual +recompense for his services he refused all remuneration, declaring +he had only been a friend. He knew we were poor, and could ill +afford any expense. Oh, do you wonder that I--Are you going +immediately? Come often when I get to a boarding house. Do, Beulah! +I am so desolate; so desolate!" She bowed her head on Beulah's +shoulder and wept unrestrainedly. + +"Yes, I will come as often as I can; and, Clara, do try to cheer up. +I can't bear to see you sink down in this way." She kissed the +tearful face and hurried away. + +It was Saturday, and, retiring to her own room, she answered +Eugene's brief letter. Long before she had seen with painful anxiety +that he wrote more and more rarely, and, while his communications +clearly conveyed the impression that he fancied they were essential +to her happiness, the protective tenderness of early years gave +place to a certain commanding yet condescending tone. Intuitively +perceiving, yet unable to analyze this gradual revolution of +feeling, Beulah was sometimes tempted to cut short the +correspondence. But her long and ardent attachment drowned the +whispers of wounded pride, and hallowed memories of his boyish love +ever prevented an expression of the pain and wonder with which she +beheld the alteration in his character. Unwilling to accuse him of +the weakness which prompted much of his arrogance and egotism, her +heart framed various excuses for his seeming coldness. At first she +had written often, and without reference to ordinary epistolary +debts; but now she regularly waited (and that for some time) for the +arrival of his letters; not from a diminution of affection so much +as from true womanly delicacy, lest she should obtrude herself too +frequently upon his notice. More than once she had been troubled by +a dawning consciousness of her own superiority; but, accustomed for +years to look up to him as a sort of infallible guide, she would not +admit the suggestion, and tried to keep alive the admiring respect +with which she had been wont to defer to his judgment. He seemed to +consider his dogmatic dictation both acceptable and necessary, and +it was this assumed mastery, unaccompanied with manifestations of +former tenderness, which irritated and aroused her pride. With the +brush of youthful imagination she had painted him as the future +statesman--gifted, popular, and revered; and while visions of his +fame and glory flitted before her the promise of sharing all with +her was by no means the least fascinating feature in her fancy +picture. Of late, however, he had ceased to speak of the choice of a +profession, and mentioned vaguely Mr. Graham's wish that he should +acquaint himself thoroughly with French, German, and Spanish, in +order to facilitate the correspondence of the firm with foreign +houses. She felt that once embarked on the sea of mercantile life he +would have little leisure or inclination to pursue the paths which +she hoped to travel by his side, and, on this occasion, her letter +was longer and more earnest than usual, urging his adherence to the +original choice of the law and using every forcible argument she +could adduce. Finally the reply was sealed and directed, and she +went down to the study to place it in the marble receiver which +stood on her guardian's desk. Hal, who accompanied the doctor in his +round of visits, always took their letters to the post office, and +punctually deposited all directed to them in the vase. To her +surprise she found no fire in the grate. The blinds were drawn +closely, and, in placing her letter on the desk, she noticed several +addressed to the doctor and evidently unopened. They must have +arrived the day before, and while she wondered at the aspect of the +room Harriet entered. + +"Miss Beulah, do you know how long master expects to be gone? I +thought maybe you could tell when you came home, for Mrs. Watson +does not seem to know any more than I do." + +"Gone! What do you mean?" + +"Don't you know he has gone up the river to the plantation? Why, I +packed his valise at daylight yesterday, and he left in the early +morning boat. He has not been to the plantation since just before +you came here. Hal says he heard him tell Dr. Asbury to take charge +of his patients, that his overseer had to be looked after. He told +me he was going to the plantation, and I would have asked him when +he was coming back, but he was in one of his unsatisfactory ways-- +looked just like his mouth had been dipped in hot sealing-wax, so I +held my tongue." + +Beulah bit her lips with annoyance, but sat down before the +melodeon, and said as unconcernedly as possible: + +"I did not know he had left the city, and, of course, have no idea +when he will be back. Harriet, please make me a fire here, or call +Hal to do it." + +"There is a good fire in the dining room; better go in there and sit +with Mrs. Watson. She is busy seeding raisins for mincemeat and +fruit-cake." + +"No; I would rather stay here." + +"Then I will kindle you a fire right away." + +Harriet moved about the room with cheerful alacrity. She had always +seemed to consider herself Beulah's special guardian and friend, and +gave continual proof of the strength of her affection. Evidently she +desired to talk about her master, but Beulah's face gave her no +encouragement to proceed. She made several efforts to renew the +conversation, but they were not seconded, and she withdrew, +muttering to herself: + +"She is learning all his ways. He does hate to talk any more than he +can help, and she is patterning after him just as fast as she can. +They don't seem to know what the Lord gave them tongues for." + +Beulah practiced perseveringly for some time, and then, drawing a +chair near the fire, sat down and leaned her head on her hand. She +missed her guardian--wanted to see him--felt surprised at his sudden +departure and mortified that he had not thought her of sufficient +consequence to bid adieu to and be apprised of his intended trip. He +treated her precisely as he did when she first entered the house; +seemed to consider her a mere child, whereas she knew she was no +longer such. He never alluded to her plan of teaching, and when she +chanced to mention it he offered no comment, looked indifferent or +abstracted. Though invariably kind, and sometimes humorous, there +was an impenetrable reserve respecting himself, his past and future, +which was never laid aside. When not engaged with his flowers or +music, he was deep in some favorite volume, and, outside of these +sources of enjoyment, seemed to derive no real pleasure. +Occasionally he had visitors, but these were generally strangers, +often persons residing at a distance, and Beulah knew nothing of +them. Several times he had attended concerts and lectures, but she +had never accompanied him; and frequently, when sitting by his side, +felt as if a glacier lay between them. After Mrs. Chilton's +departure for New York, where she and Pauline were boarding, no +ladies ever came to the house, except a few of middle age, who +called now and then to see Mrs. Watson, and, utterly isolated from +society, Beulah was conscious of entire ignorance of all that passed +in polite circles. Twice Claudia had called, but, unable to forget +the past sufficiently to enter Mrs. Grayson's house, their +intercourse had ended with Claudia's visits. Mrs. Watson was a kind- +hearted and most excellent woman, who made an admirable housekeeper, +but possessed few of the qualifications requisite to render her an +agreeable companion. With an ambitious nature, and an eager thirst +for knowledge, Beulah had improved her advantages as only those do +who have felt the need of them. While she acquired, with unusual +ease and rapidity, the branches of learning taught at school, she +had availed herself of the extensive and select library, to which +she had free access, and history, biography, travels, essays, and +novels had been perused with singular avidity. Dr. Hartwell, without +restricting her reading, suggested the propriety of incorporating +more of the poetic element in her course. The hint was timely, and +induced an acquaintance with the great bards of England and Germany, +although her taste led her to select works of another character. Her +secluded life favored habits of study, and, at an age when girls are +generally just beginning to traverse the fields of literature, she +had progressed so far as to explore some of the footpaths which +entice contemplative minds from the beaten track. With earlier +cultivation and superiority of years, Eugene had essayed to direct +her reading; but now, in point of advancement, she felt that she was +in the van. Dr. Hartwell had told her, whenever she was puzzled, to +come to him for explanation, and his clear analysis taught her how +immeasurably superior he was, even to those instructors whose +profession it was to elucidate mysteries. Accustomed to seek +companionship in books, she did not, upon the present occasion, long +reflect on her guardian's sudden departure, but took from the +shelves a volume of Poe which contained her mark. The parting rays +of the winter sun grew fainter; the dull, somber light of vanishing +day made the room dim, and it was only by means of the red glare +from the glowing grate that she deciphered the print. Finally the +lamp was brought in, and shed a mellow radiance over the dusky +apartment. The volume was finished and dropped upon her lap. The +spell of this incomparable sorcerer was upon her imagination; the +sluggish, lurid tarn of Usher; the pale, gigantic water lilies, +nodding their ghastly, everlasting heads over the dreary Zaire; the +shrouding shadow of Helusion; the ashen skies, and sere, crisped +leaves in the ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir, hard by the dim lake +of Auber--all lay with grim distinctness before her; and from the +red bars of the grate the wild, lustrous, appalling eyes of Ligeia +looked out at her, while the unearthly tones of Morella whispered +from every corner of the room. She rose and replaced the book on the +shelf, striving to shake off the dismal hold which all this +phantasmagoria had taken on her fancy. Her eyes chanced to fall upon +a bust of Athene which surmounted her guardian's desk, and +immediately the mournful refrain of the Raven, solemn and dirge- +like, floated through the air, enhancing the spectral element which +enveloped her. She retreated to the parlor, and, running her fingers +over the keys of the piano, endeavored by playing some of her +favorite airs to divest her mind of the dreary, unearthly images +which haunted it. The attempt was futile, and there in the dark, +cold parlor she leaned her head against the piano, and gave herself +up to the guidance of one who, like the "Ancient Mariner," holds his +listener fascinated and breathless. Once her guardian had warned her +not to study Poe too closely, but the book was often in his own +hand, and, yielding to the matchless ease and rapidity of his +diction, she found herself wandering in a wilderness of baffling +suggestions. Under the drapery of "William Wilson," of "Morella," +and "Ligeia," she caught tantalizing glimpses of recondite +psychological truths and processes, which dimly hovered over her own +consciousness, but ever eluded the grasp of analysis. While his +unique imagery filled her mind with wondering delight, she shrank +appalled from the mutilated fragments which he presented to her as +truths, on the point of his glittering scalpel of logic. With the +eagerness of a child clutching at its own shadow in a glassy lake, +and thereby destroying it, she had read that anomalous prose poem +"Eureka." The quaint humor of that "bottled letter" first arrested +her attention, and, once launched on the sea of Cosmogonies, she was +amazed at the seemingly infallible reasoning which, at the +conclusion, coolly informed her that she was her own God. Mystified, +shocked, and yet admiring, she had gone to Dr. Hartwell for a +solution of the difficulty. False she felt the whole icy tissue to +be, yet could not detect the adroitly disguised sophisms. Instead of +assisting her, as usual, he took the book from her, smiled, and put +it away, saying indifferently: + +"You must not play with such sharp tools just yet. Go and practice +your music lesson." + +She was too deeply interested to be put off so quietly, and +constantly pondered this singular production, which confirmed in +some degree a fancy of her own concerning the pre-existence of the +soul. Only on the hypothesis of an anterior life could she explain +some of the mental phenomena which puzzled her. Heedless of her +guardian's warning, she had striven to comprehend the philosophy of +this methodical madman, and now felt bewildered and restless. This +study of Poe was the portal through which she entered the vast +Pantheon of Speculation. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + + +A week later, at the close of a dull winter day, Beulah sat as usual +in the study. The large parlors and dining room had a desolate look +at all times, and of the whole house only the study seemed genial. +Busily occupied during the day, it was not until evening that she +realized her guardian's absence. No tidings of him had been +received, and she began to wonder at his prolonged stay. She felt +very lonely without him, and, though generally taciturn, she missed +him from the hearth, missed the tall form and the sad, stern face. +Another Saturday had come, and all day she had been with Clara in +her new home, trying to cheer the mourner and dash away the gloom +that seemed settling down upon her spirits. At dusk she returned +home, spent an hour at the piano, and now walked up and down the +study, wrapt in thought. The room had a cozy, comfortable aspect; +the fire burned brightly; the lamplight silvered the paintings and +statues; and on the rug before the grate lay a huge black dog of the +St. Bernard order, his shaggy head thrust between his paws. The +large, intelligent eyes followed Beulah as she paced to and fro, and +seemed mutely to question her restlessness. His earnest scrutiny +attracted her notice, and she held out her hand, saying musingly: + +"Poor Charon; you too miss your master. Charon, King of Shadows, +when will he come?" + +The great black eyes gazed intently into hers, and seemed to echo, +"When will he come?" He lifted his grim head, snuffed the air, +listened, and sullenly dropped his face on his paws again. Beulah +threw herself on the rug, and laid her head on his thick neck; he +gave a quick, short bark of satisfaction, and very soon both girl +and dog were fast asleep. A quarter of an hour glided by, and then +Beulah was suddenly roused by a violent motion of her pillow. Charon +sprang up, and leaped frantically across the room. The comb which +confined her hair had fallen out, and, gathering up the jetty folds +which swept over her shoulders, she looked around. Dr. Hartwell was +closing the door. + +"Down, Charon; you ebon scamp! Down, you keeper of Styx!" He forced +down the paws from his shoulders, and patted the shaggy head, while +his eyes rested affectionately on the delightful countenance of his +sable favorite. As he threw down his gloves, his eyes fell on +Beulah, who had hastily risen from the rug, and he held out his +hand, saying + +"Ah! Charon waked you rudely. How are you?" + +"Very well, thank you, sir. I am so glad you have come home, so +glad." She took his cold hand between both hers, rubbed it +vigorously, and looked up joyfully in his face. She thought he was +paler and more haggard than she had ever seen him, his hair +clustered in disorder about his forehead, his whole aspect was weary +and wretched. He suffered her to keep his hand in her warm, tight +clasp, and asked kindly. + +"Are you well, Beulah? Your face is flushed, and you feel feverish." + +"Perfectly well. But you are as cold as an Esquimaux hunter. Come to +the fire." She drew his armchair, with its candle-stand and book- +board, close to the hearth, and put his warm velvet slippers before +him. She forgot her wounded pride, forgot that he had left without +even bidding her good by, and only remembered that he had come home +again, that he was sitting there in the study, and she would be +lonely no more. Silently leaning back in the chair, he closed his +eyes with a sigh of relief. She felt as if she would like very much +to smooth off the curling hair that lay thick and damp on his white, +gleaming brow, but dared not. She stood watching him for a moment, +and said considerately. + +"Will you have your tea now? Charon and I had our supper long ago." + +"No, child, I only want to rest." + +Beulah fancied he spoke impatiently. Had she been too officious in +welcoming him to his own home? She bit her lip with proud vexation, +and, taking her geometry, left him. As she reached the door the +doctor called to her. + +"Beulah, you need not go away. This is a better fire than the one in +your own room." But she was wounded, and did not choose to stay. + +"I can study better in my own room. Good-night, sir." + +"Why, child, this is Saturday night. No lessons until Monday." + +She was not particularly mollified by the reiteration of the word +"child," and answered coldly: + +"There are hard lessons for every day we live." + +"Well, be good enough to hand me the letters that have arrived +during my absence." + +She emptied the letter receiver, and placed several communications +in his hand. He pointed to a chair near the fire, and said quietly: + +"Sit down, my child; sit down." + +Too proud to discover how much she was piqued by his coldness, she +took the seat and commenced studying. But lines and angles swam +confusedly before her, and, shutting the book, she sat looking into +the fire. While her eyes roamed into the deep, glowing crevices of +the coals, a letter was hurled into the fiery mass, and in an +instant blazed and shriveled to ashes. She looked up in surprise, +and started at the expression of her guardian's face. Its Antinous- +like beauty had vanished; the pale lips writhed, displaying the +faultless teeth; the thin nostrils were expanded, and the eyes +burned with fierce anger. The avalanche was upheaved by hidden +volcanic fires, and he exclaimed, with scornful emphasis: + +"Idiot! blind lunatic! In his dotage!" + +There was something so marvelous in this excited, angry +manifestation that Beulah, who had never before seen him other than +phlegmatic, looked at him with curious wonder. His clenched hand +rested on the arm of the chair, and he continued sarcastically: + +"Oh, a precious pair of idiots! They will have a glorious life. Such +harmony, such congeniality! Such incomparable sweetness on her part, +such equable spirits on his! Not the surpassing repose of a windless +tropic night can approach to the divine serenity of their future. +Ha! by the Furies! he will have an enviable companion; a matchless +Griselda!" Laughing scornfully, he started up and strode across the +floor. As Beulah caught the withering expression which sat on every +feature she shuddered involuntarily. Could she bear to incur his +contempt? He approached her, and she felt as though her very soul +shrank from him; his glowing eyes seemed to burn her face, as he +paused and said ironically: + +"Can't you participate in my joy? I have a new brother-in-law. +Congratulate me on my sister's marriage. Such desperate good news +can come but rarely in a lifetime." + +"Whom has she married, sir?" asked Beulah, shrinking from the iron +grasp on her shoulder. + +"Percy Lockhart, of course. He will rue his madness. I warned him. +Now let him seek apples in the orchards of Sodom! Let him lay his +parched lips to the treacherous waves of the Dead Sea! Oh, I pity +the fool! I tried to save him, but he would seal his own doom. Let +him pay the usurious school-fees of experience." + +"Perhaps your sister's love for him will--" + +"Oh, you young, ignorant lamb! You poor, little, unfledged birdling! +I suppose you fancy she is really attached to him. Do you, indeed? +About as much as that pillar of salt in the plain of Sodom was +attached to the memory of Lot. About as much as this peerless Niobe +of mine is attached to me." He struck the marble statue as he spoke. + +"Then, how could she marry him?" asked Beulah naively. + +"Ha! ha! I will present you to the Smithsonian Institution as the +last embodiment of effete theories. Who exhumed you, patron saint of +archaism, from the charnel-house of centuries?" He looked down at +her with an expression of intolerable bitterness and scorn. Her +habitually pale face flushed to crimson, as she answered with +sparkling eyes: + +"Not the hand of Diogenes, encumbered with his tub!" + +He smiled grimly. + +"Know the world as I do, child, and tubs and palaces will be alike +to you. Feel the pulse of humanity, and you will--" + +"Heaven preserve me from looking on life through your spectacles!" +cried she impetuously, stung by the contemptuous smile which curled +his lips. "Amen." Taking his hands from her shoulder, he threw +himself back into his chair. There was silence for some minutes, and +Beulah said: + +"I thought Mr. Lockhart was in Syria?" + +"Oh, no; he wants a companion in his jaunt to the Holy Land. How +devoutly May will kneel on Olivet and Moriah! What pious tears will +stain her lovely cheek as she stands in the hall of Pilate, and +calls to mind all the thirty years' history! Oh, Percy is cruel to +subject her tender soul to such torturing associations! Beulah, go +and play something; no matter what. Anything to hush my cursing +mood. Go, child." He turned away his face to hide its bitterness, +and, seating herself at the melodeon, Beulah played a German air of +which he was very fond. At the conclusion he merely said: + +"Sing." + +A plaintive prelude followed the command, and she sang. No +description could do justice to the magnificent voice, as it swelled +deep and full in its organ-like tones; now thrillingly low in its +wailing melody, and now ringing clear and sweet as silver bells. +There were soft, rippling notes that seemed to echo from the deeps +of her soul and voice its immensity. It was wonderful what compass +there was, what rare sweetness and purity too. It was a natural +gift, like that conferred on birds. Art could not produce it, but +practice and scientific culture had improved and perfected it. For +three years the best teachers had instructed her, and she felt that +now she was mistress of a spell which, once invoked, might easily +exorcise the evil spirit which had taken possession of her guardian. +She sang several of his favorite songs, then closed the melodeon and +went back to the fire. Dr. Hartwell's face lay against the purple +velvet lining of the chair, and the dark surface gave out the +contour with bold distinctness. His eyes were closed, and as Beulah +watched him she thought, "How inflexible he looks, how like a marble +image! The mouth seems as if the sculptor's chisel had just carved +it--so stern, so stony. Ah, he is not scornful now! he looks only +sad, uncomplaining, but very miserable. What has steeled his heart, +and made him so unrelenting, so haughty? What can have isolated him +so completely? Nature lavished on him every gift which could render +him the charm of social circles, yet he lives in the seclusion of +his own heart, independent of sympathy, contemptuous of the world he +was sent to improve and bless." These reflections were interrupted +by his opening his eyes and saying, in his ordinary, calm tone: + +"Thank you, Beulah. Did you finish that opera I spoke of some time +since?" + +"Yes, sir." + +"You found it difficult?" + +"Not so difficult as your description led me to imagine." + +"Were you lonely while I was away?" + +"Yes, sir." + +"Why did not Clara come and stay with you?" + +"She was engaged in changing her home; has removed to Mrs. Hoyt's +boarding house." + +"When did you see her last? How does she bear the blow?" + +"I was with her to-day. She is desponding, and seems to grow more so +daily." + +She wondered very much whether he suspected the preference which she +felt sure Clara entertained for him; and, as the subject recurred to +her, she looked troubled. + +"What is the matter?" he asked, accustomed to reading her expressive +face. + +"Nothing that can be remedied, sir." + +"How do you know that? Suppose you let me be the judge." + +"You could not judge of it, sir; and, besides, it is no concern of +mine." + +A frigid smile fled over his face, and for some time he appeared +lost in thought. His companion was thinking too; wondering how Clara +could cope with such a nature as his; wondering why people always +selected persons totally unsuited to them; and fancying that if +Clara only knew her guardian's character as well as she did the +gentle girl would shrink in dread from his unbending will, his +habitual, moody taciturnity. He was generous and unselfish, but also +as unyielding as the Rock of Gibraltar. There was nothing +pleasurable in this train of thought, and, taking up a book, she +soon ceased to think of the motionless figure opposite. No sooner +were her eyes once fastened on her book than his rested searchingly +on her face. At first she read without much manifestation of +interest, regularly and slowly passing her hand over the black head +which Charon had laid on her lap. After a while the lips parted +eagerly, the leaves were turned quickly, and the touches on Charon's +head ceased. Her long, black lashes could not veil the expression of +enthusiastic pleasure. Another page fluttered over, a flush stole +across her brow; and, as she closed the volume, her whole face was +irradiated. + +"What are you reading?" asked Dr. Hartwell, when she seemed to sink +into a reverie. + +"Analects from Richter." + +"De Quincey's!" + +"Yes, sir." + +"Once that marvelous 'Dream upon the Universe' fascinated me as +completely as it now does you." + +Memories of earlier days clustered about him, parting the somber +clouds with their rosy fingers. His features began to soften. + +"Sir, can you read it now without feeling your soul kindle?" + +"Yes, child; it has lost its interest for me. I read it as +indifferently as I do one of my medical books. So will you one day." + +"Never! It shall be a guide-book to my soul, telling of the pathway, +arched with galaxies and paved with suns, through which that soul +shall pass in triumph to its final rest!" + +"And who shall remain in that 'illimitable dungeon of pure, pure +darkness, which imprisons creation? That dead sea of nothing, in +whose unfathomable zone of blackness the jewel of the glittering +universe is set and buried forever?' Child, is not that, too a +dwelling-place?" He passed his fingers through his hair, sweeping it +all back from his ample forehead. Beulah opened the book, and read +aloud: + +"Immediately my eyes were opened, and I saw, as it were, an +interminable sea of light; all spaces between all heavens were +filled with happiest light, for the deserts and wastes of the +creation were now filled with the sea of light, and in this sea the +suns floated like ash-gray blossoms, and the planets like black +grains of seed. Then my heart comprehended that immortality dwelled +in the spaces between the worlds, and Death only among the worlds; +and the murky planets I perceived were but cradles for the infant +spirits of the universe of light! In the Zaarahs of the creation I +saw, I heard, I felt--the glittering, the echoing, the breathing of +life and creative power!" + +She closed the volume, and, while her lips trembled with deep +feeling, added earnestly: + +"Oh, sir, it makes me long, like Jean Paul, 'for some narrow cell or +quiet oratory in this metropolitan cathedral of the universe.' It is +an infinite conception and painting of infinity, which my soul +endeavors to grasp, but wearies in thinking of!" + +Dr. Hartwell smiled, and, pointing to a row of books, said with some +eagerness: + +"I will test your love of Jean Paul. Give me that large volume in +crimson binding on the second shelf. No--further on; that is it." + +He turned over the leaves for a few minutes, and, with a finger +still on the page, put it into her hand, saying: + +"Begin here at 'I went through the worlds,' and read down to 'when I +awoke.'" + +She sat down and read. He put his hand carelessly over his eyes, and +watched her curiously through his fingers. It was evident that she +soon became intensely interested. He could see the fierce throbbing +of a vein in her throat and the tight clutching of her fingers. Her +eyebrows met in the wrinkling forehead, and the lips were compressed +severely. Gradually the flush faded from her cheek, an expression of +pain and horror swept over her stormy face, and, rising hastily, she +exclaimed: + +"False! false! 'That everlasting storm which no one guides' tells me +in thunder tones that there is a home of rest in the presence of the +infinite Father! Oh, chance does not roam, like a destroying angel, +through that 'snow-powder of stars!' The love of our God is over all +his works as a mantle! Though you should 'take the wings of the +morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,' lo! he is +there! The sorrowing children of the universe are not orphans! +Neither did Richter believe it; well might he declare that with this +sketch he would 'terrify himself' and vanquish the specter of +Atheism! Oh, sir! the dear God stretches his arm about each and all +of us! 'When the sorrow-laden lays himself, with a galled back, into +the earth, to sleep till a fairer morning,' it is not true that 'he +awakens in a stormy chaos, in an everlasting midnight!' It is not +true! He goes home to his loved dead, and spends a blissful eternity +in the kingdom of Jehovah, where death is no more, 'where the wicked +cease from troubling, and the weary are at rest!'" + +She laid the volume on his knee, and tears which would not be +restrained rolled swiftly over her cheeks. + +He looked at her mournfully, and took her hand in his. + +"My child, do you believe all this as heartily as you did when a +little girl? Is your faith in your religion unshaken?" + +He felt her fingers close over his spasmodically, as she hastily +replied: + +"Of course, of course! What could shake a faith which years should +strengthen?" + +But the shiver which crept through her frame denied her assertion, +and with a keen pang he saw the footprints of the Destroyer. She +must not know, however, that he doubted her words, and, with an +effort, he said: + +"I am glad, Beulah; and if you would continue to believe, don't read +my books promiscuously. There are many on those shelves yonder which +I would advise you never to open. Be warned in time, my child." + +She snatched her hand from his, and answered proudly: + +"Sir, think you I could be satisfied with a creed which I could not +bear to have investigated? If I abstained from reading your books, +dreading lest my faith be shaken, then I could no longer confide in +that faith. Christianity has triumphed over the subtleties of +infidelity for eighteen hundred years. What have I to fear?" + +"Beulah, do you want to be just what I am? Without belief in any +creed! hopeless of eternity as of life! Do you want to be like me? +If not, keep your hands off of my books! Good night; it is time for +you to be asleep." + +He motioned her away, and, too much pained to reply, she silently +withdrew. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + + +The day had been clear, though cold, and late in the afternoon +Beulah wrapped a shawl about her, and ran out into the front yard +for a walk. The rippling tones of the fountain were hushed; the +shrubs were bare, and, outside the greenhouse, not a flower was to +be seen. Even the hardy chrysanthemums were brown and shriveled. +Here vegetation slumbered in the grave of winter. The hedges were +green, and occasional clumps of cassina bent their branches beneath +the weight of coral fruitage. Tall poplars lifted their leafless +arms helplessly toward the sky, and threw grotesque shadows on the +ground beneath, while the wintry wind chanted a mournful dirge +through the somber foliage of the aged, solemn cedars. Noisy flocks +of robins fluttered among the trees, eating the ripe, red yaupon +berries, and now and then parties of pigeons circled round and round +the house. Charon lay on the doorstep, blinking at the setting sun, +with his sage face dropped on his paws. Afar off was heard the hum +of the city; but here all was quiet and peaceful. Beulah looked over +the beds, lately so brilliant and fragrant in their wealth of floral +beauty; at the bare gray poplars, whose musical rustling had so +often hushed her to sleep in cloudless summer nights, and an +expression of serious thoughtfulness settled on her face. Many +months before she had watched the opening spring in this same +garden. Had seen young leaves and delicate blossoms bud out from +naked stems, had noted their rich luxuriance as the summer heat came +on--their mature beauty; and when the first breath of autumn sighed +through the land she saw them flush and decline, and gradually die +and rustle down to their graves. Now, where green boughs and +perfumed petals had gayly looked up in the sunlight, all was +desolate. The piercing northern wind seemed to whisper as it passed, +"Life is but the germ of death, and death the development of a +higher life." Was the cycle eternal then? Were the beautiful +ephemeras she had loved so dearly gone down into the night of death, +but for a season, to be born again, in some distant springtime, +mature, and return, as before, to the charnel-house? Were the +threescore and ten years of human life analogous? Life, too, had its +springtime, its summer of maturity, its autumnal decline, and its +wintry night of death. Were the cold sleepers in the neighboring +cemetery waiting, like those dead flowers, for the tireless +processes of nature, whereby their dust was to be reanimated, +remolded, lighted with a soul, and set forward for another journey +of threescore and ten years of life and labor? Men lived and died; +their ashes enriched Mother Earth; new creations sprang, phoenix- +like, from the sepulcher of the old. Another generation trod life's +path in the dim footprints of their predecessors, and that, too, +vanished in the appointed process, mingling dust with dust, that +Protean matter might hold the even tenor of its way, in accordance +with the oracular decrees of Isis. Was it true that, since the +original Genesis, "nothing had been gained, and nothing lost?" Was +earth, indeed, a monstrous Kronos? If so, was not she as old as +creation? To how many other souls had her body given shelter? How +was her identity to be maintained? True, she had read that identity +was housed in "consciousness," not bones and muscles? But could +there be consciousness without bones and muscles? She drew her shawl +closely around her, and looked up at the cloudless sea of azure. The +sun had sunk below the horizon; the birds had all gone to rest; +Charon had sought the study rug; even the distant hum of the city +was no longer heard. "The silver sparks of stars were rising on the +altar of the east, and falling down in the red sea of the west." +Beulah was chilled; there were cold thoughts in her mind--icy +specters in her heart; and she quickened her pace up and down the +avenue, dusky beneath the ancient gloomy cedars. One idea haunted +her: aside from revelation, what proof had she that, unlike those +moldering flowers, her spirit should never die? No trace was to be +found of the myriads of souls who had preceded her. Where were the +countless hosts? Were life and death balanced? was her own soul +chiliads old, forgetting its former existences, save as dim, +undefinable reminiscences, flashed fitfully upon it? If so, was it a +progression? How did she know that her soul had not entered her body +fresh from the release of the hangman, instead of coming down on +angel wings from its starry home, as she had loved to think? A +passage which she had read many weeks before flashed upon her mind: +"Upon the dead mother, in peace and utter gloom, are reposing the +dead children. After a time uprises the everlasting sun; and the +mother starts up at the summons of the heavenly dawn, with a +resurrection of her ancient bloom. And her children? Yes, but they +must wait a while!" This resurrection was springtime, beckoning +dormant beauty from the icy arms of winter; how long must the +children wait for the uprising of the morning star of eternity? From +childhood these unvoiced queries had perplexed her mind, and, +strengthening with her growth, now cried out peremptorily for +answers. With shuddering dread she strove to stifle the spirit +which, once thoroughly awakened, threatened to explore every nook +and cranny of mystery. She longed to talk freely with her guardian +regarding many of the suggestions which puzzled her, but shrank +instinctively from broaching such topics. Now, in her need, the +sublime words of Job came to her: "Oh, that my words were now +written! oh, that they were printed in a book; for I know that my +Redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the +earth; and though worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I +see God." Handel's "Messiah" had invested this passage with +resistless grandeur, and, leaving the cold, dreary garden, she sat +down before the melodeon and sang a portion of the Oratorio. The +sublime strains seemed to bear her worshiping soul up to the +presence-chamber of Deity, and exultingly she repeated the +concluding words: + + "For now is Christ risen from the dead: + The first-fruits of them that sleep." + +The triumph of faith shone in her kindled eyes, though glittering +drops fell on the ivory keys, and the whole countenance bespoke a +heart resting in the love of the Father. While her fingers still +rolled waves of melody through the room, Dr. Hartwell entered, with +a parcel in one hand and a magnificent cluster of greenhouse flowers +in the other. He laid the latter before Beulah, and said: + +"I want you to go with me to-night to hear Sontag. The concert +commences at eight o'clock, and you have no time to spare. Here are +some flowers for your hair; arrange it as you have it now; and here, +also, a pair of white gloves. When you are ready, come down and make +my tea." + +"Thank you, sir, for remembering me so kindly, and supplying all my +wants so--" + +"Beulah, there are tears on your lashes. What is the matter?" +interrupted the doctor, pointing to the drops which had fallen on +the rosewood frame of the melodeon. + +"Is it not enough to bring tears to my eyes when I think of all your +kindness?" She hurried away without suffering him to urge the +matter. + +The prospect of hearing Sontag gave her exquisite pleasure, and she +dressed with trembling eagerness, while Harriet leaned on the bureau +and wondered what would happen next. Except to attend church and +visit Clara and Mrs. Williams, Beulah had never gone out before; and +the very seclusion in which she lived rendered this occasion one of +interest and importance. As she took her cloak and ran downstairs +the young heart throbbed violently. Would her fastidious guardian be +satisfied with her appearance? She felt the blood gush over her face +as she entered the room; but he did not look at her, continued to +read the newspaper he held, and said, from behind the extended +sheet: + +"I will join you directly." + +She poured out the tea with an unsteady hand. Dr. Hartwell took his +silently; and, as both rose from the table, handed her a paper, +saying: + +"The carriage is not quite ready yet. There is a programme." + +As she glanced over it he scanned her closely, and an expression of +satisfaction settled on his features. She wore a dark blue silk (one +he had given her some weeks before), which exquisitely fitted her +slender, graceful figure, and was relieved by a lace collar, +fastened with a handsome cameo pin, also his gift. The glossy black +hair was brushed straight back from the face, in accordance with the +prevailing style, and wound into a knot at the back of the head. On +either side of this knot she wore a superb white camellia, which +contrasted well with the raven hair. Her face was pale, but the +expression was one of eager expectation. As the carriage rattled up +to the door he put his hand on her shoulder, and said: + +"You look very well to-night, my child. Those white japonicas become +you." + +She breathed freely once more. + +At the door of the concert hall he gave her his arm, and, while the +pressure of the crowd detained them a moment at the entrance, she +clung to him with a feeling of dependence utterly new to her. The +din of voices, the dazzling glare of the gas-lights bewildered her, +and she walked on mechanically, till the doctor entered his seat and +placed her beside him. The brilliant chandeliers shone down on +elegant dresses, glittering diamonds, and beautiful women, and, +looking forward, Beulah was reminded of the glowing descriptions in +the "Arabian Nights." She observed that many curious eyes were bent +upon her, and ere she had been seated five minutes more than one +lorgnette was leveled at her. Everybody knew Dr. Hartwell, and she +saw him constantly returning the bows of recognition which assailed +him from the ladies in their vicinity. Presently he leaned his head +on his hand, and she could not forbear smiling at the ineffectual +attempts made to arrest his attention. The hall was crowded, and, as +the seats filled to their utmost capacity she was pressed against +her guardian. He looked down at her, and whispered: + +"Very democratic. Eh, Beulah?" + +She smiled, and was about to reply, when her attention was attracted +by a party which just then took their places immediately in front of +her. It consisted of an elderly gentleman and two ladies, one of +whom Beulah instantly recognized as Cornelia Graham. She was now a +noble-looking, rather than beautiful, woman; and the incipient +pride, so apparent in girlhood, had matured into almost repulsive +hauteur. She was very richly dressed, and her brilliant black eyes +wandered indifferently over the room, as though such assemblages had +lost their novelty and interest for her. Chancing to look back, she +perceived Dr. Hartwell, bowed, and said with a smile: + +"Pray, do not think me obstinate. I had no wish to come, but father +insisted." + +"I am glad you feel well enough to be here," was his careless reply. + +Cornelia's eyes fell upon the quiet figure at his side, and, as +Beulah me her steady gaze, she felt something of her old dislike +warming in her eyes. They had never met since the morning of +Cornelia's contemptuous treatment at Madam St. Cymon's; and now, to +Beulah's utter astonishment, she deliberately turned round, put out +her white-gloved hand over the back of the seat, and said +energetically: + +"How are you, Beulah? You have altered so materially that I scarcely +knew you." + +Beulah's nature was generous; she was glad to forget old injuries, +and, as their hands met in a friendly clasp, she answered: + +"You have changed but little." + +"And that for the worse, as people have a pleasant way of telling +me. Beulah, I want to know honestly if my rudeness caused you to +leave madam's school?" + +"That was not my only reason," replied Beulah very candidly. + +At this moment a burst of applause greeted the appearance of the +cantatrice, and all conversation was suspended. Beulah listened to +the warbling of the queen of song with a thrill of delight. +Passionately fond of music, she appreciated the brilliant execution +and entrancing melody as probably very few in that crowded house +could have done. With some of the pieces selected she was familiar, +and others she had long desired to hear. She was unconscious of the +steady look with which her guardian watched her, as, with parted +lips, she leaned eagerly forward to catch every note. When Sontag +left the stage, and the hum of conversation was heard once more, +Beulah looked up, with a long sigh of delight, and murmured: + +"Oh, sir! isn't she a glorious woman?" + +"Miss Graham is speaking to you," said he coolly. + +She raised her head, and saw the young lady's eyes riveted on her +countenance. + +"Beulah, when did you hear from Eugene?" + +"About three weeks since, I believe." + +"We leave for Europe day after to-morrow; shall, perhaps, go +directly to Heidelberg. Have you any commissions? any messages?" +Under the mask of seeming indifference, she watched Beulah intently +as, shrinking from the cold, searching eyes, the latter replied: + +"Thank you, I have neither to trouble you with." + +Again the prima-donna appeared on the stage, and again Beulah forgot +everything but the witching strains. In the midst of one of the +songs she felt her guardian start violently; and the hand which +rested on his knee was clinched spasmodically. She looked at him; +the wonted pale face was flushed to the edge of his hair; the blue +veins stood out hard and corded on his brow; and the eyes, like +burning stars, were fixed on some object not very remote, while he +gnawed his lip, as if unconscious of what he did. Following the +direction of his gaze, she saw that it was fastened on a gentleman +who sat at some little distance from them. The position he occupied +rendered his countenance visible, and a glance sufficed to show her +that the features were handsome, the expression sinister, malignant, +and cunning. His entire appearance was foreign, and conveyed the +idea of reckless dissipation. Evidently he came there, not for the +music, but to scan the crowd, and his fierce eyes roamed over the +audience with a daring impudence which disgusted her. Suddenly they +rested on her own face, wandered to Dr. Hartwell's, and, lingering +there a full moment with a look of defiant hatred, returned to her, +causing her to shudder at the intensity and freedom of his gaze. She +drew herself up proudly, and, with an air of haughty contempt, fixed +her attention on the stage. But the spell of enchantment was broken; +she could hear the deep, irregular breathing of her guardian, and +knew, from the way in which he stared down on the floor, that he +could with difficulty remain quietly in his place. She was glad when +the concert ended and the mass of heads began to move toward the +door. With a species of curiosity that she could not repress, she +glanced at the stranger; their eyes met, as before, and his smile of +triumphant scorn made her cling closer to her guardian's arm, and +take care not to look in that direction again. She felt +inexpressibly relieved when, hurried on by the crowd in the rear, +they emerged from the heated room into a long, dim passage leading +to the street. They were surrounded on all sides by chattering +groups, and, while the light was too faint to distinguish faces, +these words fell on her ear with painful distinctness: "I suppose +that was Dr. Hartwell's protegee he had with him. He is a great +curiosity. Think of a man of his age and appearance settling down as +if he were sixty years old, and adopting a beggarly orphan! She is +not at all pretty. What can have possessed him?" + +"No, not pretty, exactly; but there is something odd in her +appearance. Her brow is magnificent, and I should judge she was +intellectual. She is as colorless as a ghost. No accounting for +Hartwell; ten to one he will marry her. I have heard it surmised +that he was educating her for a wife--" Here the party who were in +advance vanished, and, as he approached the carriage, Dr. Hartwell +said coolly: + +"Another specimen of democracy." + +Beulah felt as if a lava tide surged madly in her veins, and, as the +carriage rolled homeward, she covered her face with her hands. +Wounded pride, indignation, and contempt struggled violently in her +heart. For some moments there was silence; then her guardian drew +her hands from her face, held them firmly in his, and, leaning +forward, said gravely: + +"Beulah, malice and envy love lofty marks. Learn, as I have done, to +look down with scorn from the summit of indifference upon the feeble +darts aimed from the pits beneath you. My child, don't suffer the +senseless gossip of the shallow crowd to wound you." + +She endeavored to withdraw her hands, but his unyielding grasp +prevented her. + +"Beulah, you must conquer your morbid sensitiveness, if you would +have your life other than a dreary burden." + +"Oh, sir! you are not invulnerable to these wounds; how, then, can +I, an orphan girl, receive them with indifference?" She spoke +passionately, and drooped her burning face till it touched his arm. + +"Ah, you observed my agitation to-night. But for a vow made to my +dying mother, that villian's blood had long since removed all +grounds of emotion. Six years ago he fled from me, and his +unexpected reappearance to-night excited me more than I had fancied +it was possible for anything to do." His voice was as low, calm, and +musical as though he were reading aloud to her some poetic tale of +injuries; and, in the same even, quiet tone, he added: + +"It is well. All have a Nemesis." + +"Not on earth, sir." + +"Wait till you have lived as long as I, and you will think with me. +Beulah, be careful how you write to Eugene of Cornelia Graham; +better not mention her name at all. If she lives to come home again +you will understand me." + +"Is not her health good?" asked Beulah in surprise. + +"Far from it. She has a disease of the heart which may end her +existence any moment. I doubt whether she ever returns to America. +Mind, I do not wish you to speak of this to anyone. Good-night. If +you are up in time in the morning I wish you would be so good as to +cut some of the choicest flowers in the greenhouse and arrange a +handsome bouquet before breakfast. I want to take it to one of my +patients, an old friend of my mother's." + +They were at home, and, only pausing at the door of Mrs. Watson's +room to tell the good woman the "music was charming," Beulah +hastened to her own apartment. Throwing herself into a chair, she +recalled the incidents of the evening, and her cheeks burned +painfully as her position in the eyes of the world was forced upon +her recollection. Tears of mortification rolled over her hot face, +and her heart throbbed almost to suffocation. She sank upon her +knees and tried to pray, but sobs choked her utterrance; and, +leaning her head against the bed, she wept bitterly. + +Ah, is there not pain, and sorrow, and evil enough in this fallen +world of ours, that meddling gossips must needs poison the few pure +springs of enjoyment and peace? Not the hatred of the Theban +brothers could more thoroughly accomplish this fiendish design than +the whisper of detraction, the sneer of malice, or the fatal +innuendo of envious, low-bred tattlers. Human life is shielded by +the bulwark of legal provisions, and most earthly possessions are +similarly protected; but there are assassins whom the judicial arm +cannot reach, who infest society in countless hordes, and, while +their work of ruin and misery goes ever on, there is for the unhappy +victims no redress. Thy holy precepts, O Christ! alone can antidote +this universal evil. + +Beulah calmed the storm that raged in her heart, and, as she took +the flowers from her hair, said resolutely: + +"Before long I shall occupy a position where there will be nothing +to envy, and then, possibly, I may escape the gossiping rack. Eugene +may think me a fool, if he likes; but support myself I will, if it +costs me my life. What difference should it make to him, so long as +I prefer it? One more year of study and I shall be qualified for any +situation; then I can breathe freely. May God shield me from all +harm!" + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + + +That year of study rolled swiftly away; another winter came and +passed; another spring hung its verdant drapery over earth, and now +ardent summer reigned once more. It was near the noon of a starry +July night that Beulah sat in her own room beside her writing-desk. +A manuscript lay before her, yet damp with ink, and as she traced +the concluding words, and threw down her pen, a triumphant smile +flashed over her face. To-morrow the session of the public school +would close, with an examination of its pupils; to-morrow she would +graduate, and deliver the valedictory to the graduating class. She +had just finished copying her address, and, placing it carefully in +the desk, rose and leaned against the window, that the cool night +air might fan her fevered brow. The hot blood beat heavily in her +temples, and fled with arrowy swiftness through her veins. Continued +mental excitement, like another Shylock, peremptorily exacted its +debt, and, as she looked out on the solemn beauty of the night, +instead of soothing, it seemed to mock her restlessness. Dr. +Hartwell had been absent since noon, but now she detected the whir +of wheels in the direction of the carriage house, and knew that he +was in the study. She heard him throw open the shutters and speak to +Charon, and, gathering up her hair, which hung loosely about her +shoulders, she confined it with a comb and glided noiselessly down +the steps. The lamplight gleamed through the open door, and, pausing +on the threshold, she asked: + +"May I come in for a few minutes, or are you too much fatigued to +talk?" + +"Beulah, I positively forbade your sitting up this late. It is +midnight, child; go to bed." He held some papers, and spoke without +even glancing toward her. + +"Yes, I know; but I want to ask you something before I sleep." + +"Well, what is it?" Still he did not look up from his papers. + +"Will you attend the exercises to-morrow?" + +"Is it a matter of any consequence whether I do or not?" + +"To me, sir, it certainly is." + +"Child, I shall not have leisure." + +"Be honest, and say that you have not sufficient interest!" cried +she passionately. + +He smiled, and answered placidly: + +"Good-night, Beulah. You should have been asleep long ago." Her lips +quivered, and she lingered, loath to leave him in so unfriendly a +mood. Suddenly he raised his head, looked at her steadily, and said: + +"Have you sent in your name as an applicant for a situation?" + +"I have." + +"Good-night." His tone was stern, and she immediately retreated. +Unable to sleep, she passed the remaining hours of the short night +in pacing the floor, or watching the clockwork of stars point to the +coming dawn. Though not quite eighteen, her face was prematurely +grave and thoughtful, and its restless, unsatisfied expression +plainly discovered a perturbed state of mind and heart. The time had +come when she must go out into the world and depend only upon +herself; and though she was anxious to commence the work she had +assigned herself, she shrank from the thought of quitting her +guardian's home and thus losing the only companionship she really +prized. He had not sought to dissuade her; had appeared perfectly +indifferent to her plans; and this unconcern had wounded her deeply. +To-morrow would decide her election as teacher, and, as the +committee would be present at her examination (which was to be more +than usually minute in view of her application), she looked forward +impatiently to this occasion. Morning dawned, and she hailed it +gladly; breakfast came, and she took hers alone; the doctor had +already gone out for the day. This was not an unusual occurrence, +yet this morning she noted it particularly. At ten o'clock the +academy was crowded with visitors, and the commissioners and +teachers were formidably arrayed on the platform raised for this +purpose. The examination began; Greek and Latin classes were +carefully questioned, and called on to parse and scan to a tiresome +extent; then came mathematical demonstrations. Every conceivable +variety of lines and angles adorned the blackboards; and next in +succession were classes in rhetoric and natural history. There was a +tediousness in the examinations incident to such occasions, and, as +repeated inquiries were propounded, Beulah rejoiced at the prospect +of release. Finally the commissioners declared themselves quite +satisfied with the proficiency attained, and the graduating class +read the compositions for the day. At length, at a signal from the +superintendent of the department, Beulah ascended the platform, and, +surrounded by men signalized by scholarship and venerable from age, +she began her address. She wore a white mull muslin, and her glossy +black hair was arranged with the severe simplicity which +characterized her style of dress. Her face was well-nigh as +colorless as the paper she held, and her voice faltered with the +first few sentences. + +The theme was "Female Heroism," and as she sought among the dusky +annals of the past for instances in confirmation of her predicate, +that female intellect was capable of the most exalted attainments, +and that the elements of her character would enable woman to cope +successfully with difficulties of every class, her voice grew clear, +firm, and deep. Quitting the fertile fields of history, she painted +the trials which hedge woman's path, and with unerring skill defined +her peculiar sphere, her true position. The reasoning was singularly +forcible, the imagery glowing and gorgeous, and occasional passages +of exquisite pathos drew tears from her fascinated audience; while +more than once a beautiful burst of enthusiasm was received with +flattering applause. Instead of flushing, her face grew paler, and +the large eyes were full of lambent light, which seemed to flash out +from her soul. In conclusion, she bade adieu to the honored halls +where her feet had sought the paths of knowledge; paid a just and +grateful tribute to the Institution of Public Schools, and to the +Commissioners through whose agency she had been enabled to enjoy so +many privileges; and, turning to her fellow-graduates, touchingly +reminded them of the happy past and warned of the shrouded future. +Crumpling the paper in one hand, she extended the other toward her +companions, and in thrilling accents conjured them, in any and every +emergency, to prove themselves true women of America--ornaments of +the social circle, angel guardians of the sacred hearthstone, +ministering spirits where suffering and want demanded succor; women +qualified to assist in a council of statesmen, if dire necessity +ever required it; while, in whatever positions they might be placed, +their examples should remain imperishable monuments of true female +heroism. As the last words passed her lips she glanced swiftly over +the sea of heads, and perceived her guardian leaning with folded +arms against a pillar, while his luminous eyes were fastened on her +face. A flash of joy irradiated her countenance, and, bending her +head amid the applause of the assembly, she retired to her seat. She +felt that her triumph was complete; the whispered, yet audible, +inquiries regarding her name, the admiring, curious glances directed +toward her, were not necessary to assure her of success; and when, +immediately after the diplomas were distributed, she rose and +received hers with the calm look of one who has toiled long for some +need, and puts forth her hand for what she is conscious of having +deserved. The crowd slowly dispersed, and, beckoned forward once +more, Beulah confronted the august committee whose prerogative it +was to elect teachers. A certificate was handed her, and the +chairman informed her of her election to a vacant post in the +Intermediate Department. The salary was six hundred dollars, to be +paid monthly, and her duties would commence with the opening of the +next session, after two months' vacation. In addition he +congratulated her warmly on the success of her valedictory effort, +and suggested the propriety of cultivating talents which might +achieve for her an enviable distinction. She bowed in silence, and +turned away to collect her books. Her guardian approached, and said +in a low voice: + +"Put on your bonnet and come down to the side gate. It is too warm +for you to walk home." + +Without waiting for her answer, he descended the steps, and she was +soon seated beside him in the buggy. The short ride was silent, and, +on reaching home, Beulah would have gone, immediately to her room, +but the doctor called her into the study and, as he rang the bell, +said gently: + +"You look very much exhausted; rest here, while I order a glass of +wine." + +It was speedily brought, and, having iced it, he held it to her +white lips. She drank the contents, and her head sank on the sofa +cushions. The fever of excitement was over, a feeling of lassitude +stole over her, and she soon lost all consciousness in a heavy +sleep. The sun was just setting as she awakened from her slumber, +and, sitting up, she soon recalled the events of the day. The +evening breeze, laden with perfume, stole in refreshingly through +the blinds, and, as the sunset pageant faded, and darkness crept on, +she remained on the sofa, pondering her future course. The lamp and +her guardian made their appearance at the same moment, and, throwing +himself down in one corner of the sofa, the latter asked: "How are +you since your nap? A trifle less ghastly, I see." + +"Much better, thank you, sir. My head is quite clear again." + +"Clear enough to make out a foreign letter?" He took one from his +pocket and put it in her hand. + +An anxious look flitted across her face, and she glanced rapidly +over the contents, then crumpled the sheet nervously in her fingers. + +"What is the matter now?" + +"He is coming home. They will all be here in November." She spoke as +if bitterly chagrined and disappointed. + +"Most people would consider that joyful news," said the doctor +quietly. + +"What! after spending more than five years (one of them in +traveling), to come back without having acquired a profession and +settle down into a mere walking ledger! To have princely advantages +at his command, and yet throw them madly to the winds and be content +to plod along the road of mercantile life, without one spark of +ambition, when his mental endowments would justify his aspiring to +the most exalted political stations in the land." + +Her voice trembled from intensity of feeling. + +"Take care how you disparage mercantile pursuits; some of the most +masterly minds of the age were nurtured in the midst of ledgers." + +"And I honor and reverence all such far more than their colleagues +whose wisdom was culled in classic academic halls; for the former, +struggling amid adverse circumstances, made good their claim to an +exalted place in the temple of Fame. But necessity forced them to +purely mercantile pursuits. Eugene's case is by no means analogous; +situated as he is, he could be just what he chose. I honor all men +who do their duty nobly and truly in the positions fate has assigned +them; but, sir, you know there are some more richly endowed than +others, some whom nature seems to have destined for arduous +diplomatic posts; whose privilege it is to guide the helm of state +and achieve distinction as men of genius. To such the call will be +imperative; America needs such men. Heaven only knows where they are +to rise from, when the call is made! I do not mean to disparage +mercantile pursuits; they afford constant opportunities for the +exercise and display of keenness and clearness of intellect, but do +not require the peculiar gifts so essential in statesmen. Indolence +is unpardonable in any avocation, and I would be commended to the +industrious, energetic merchant, in preference to superficial, so- +called, 'professional men.' But Eugene had rare educational +advantages, and I expected him to improve them, and be something +more than ordinary. He expected it, five years ago. What infatuation +possesses him latterly I cannot imagine." + +Dr. Hartwell smiled, and said very quietly: "Has it ever occurred to +you that you might have overestimated Eugene's abilities?" + +"Sir, you entertained a flattering opinion of them when he left +here." She could animadvert upon his fickleness, but did not choose +that others should enjoy the same privilege. + +"I by no means considered him an embryo Webster or Calhoun; never +looked on him as an intellectual prodigy. He had a good mind, a +handsome face, and frank, gentlemanly manners which, in the +aggregate, impressed me favorably." Beulah bit her lips, and stooped +to pat Charon's head. There was silence for some moments, and then +the doctor asked: + +"Does he mention Cornelia's health?" + +"Only once, incidentally. I judge from the sentence that she is +rather feeble. There is a good deal of unimportant chat about a lady +they have met in Florence. She is the daughter of a Louisiana +planter; very beautiful and fascinating; is a niece of Mrs. +Graham's, and will spend part of next winter with the Grahams." + +"What is her name?" + +"Antoinette Dupres." + +Beulah was still caressing Charon, and did not observe the purplish +glow which bathed the doctor's face at the mention of the name. She +only saw that he rose abruptly, and walked to the window, where he +stood until tea was brought in. As they concluded the meal and left +the table he held out his hand. + +"Beulah, I congratulate you on your signal success to-day. Your +valedictory made me proud of my protegee." She had put her hand in +his, and looked up in his face, but the cloudy splendor of the eyes +was more than she could bear, and drooping her head a little, she +answered: + +"Thank you." + +"You have vacation for two months?" + +"Yes, sir; and then my duties commence. Here is the certificate of +my election." She offered it for inspection; but, without noticing +it, he continued: + +"Beulah, I think you owe me something for taking care of you, as you +phrased it long ago at the asylum. Do you admit the debt?" + +"Most gratefully, sir! I admit that I can never liquidate it: I can +repay you only with the most earnest gratitude." Large tears hung +upon her lashes, and, with an uncontrollable impulse, she raised his +hand to her lips. + +"I am about to test the sincerity of your gratitude, I doubt it." + +She trembled, and looked at Mm uneasily. He laid his hand on her +shoulder, and said slowly: + +"Relinquish the idea of teaching. Let me present you to society as +my adopted child. Thus you can requite the debt." + +"I cannot! I cannot!" cried Beulah firmly, though tears gushed over +her cheeks. + +"Cannot? cannot?" repeated the doctor, pressing heavily upon her +shoulders. + +"Will not, then!" said she proudly. + +They looked at each other steadily. A withering smile of scorn and +bitterness distorted his Apollo-like features, and he pushed her +from him, saying, in the deep, concentrated tone of intense +disappointment: + +"I might have known it. I might have expected it; for Fate has +always decreed me just such returns." + +Leaning against the sculptured Niobe, which stood near, Beulah +exclaimed, in a voice of great anguish: + +"Oh, Dr. Hartwell! do not make me repent the day I entered this +house. God knows I am grateful, very grateful, for your unparalleled +kindness. Oh, that it were in my power to prove to you my gratitude! +Do not upbraid me. You knew that I came here only to be educated. +Even then I could not bear the thought of always imposing on your +generosity; and every day that passed strengthened this impatience +of dependence. Through your kindness it is now in my power to +maintain myself, and, after the opening of next session, I cannot +remain any longer the recipient of your bounty. Oh, sir, do not +charge me with ingratitude! It is more than I can bear; more than I +can bear!" + +"Mark me, Beulah! Your pride will wreck you; wreck your happiness, +your peace of mind. Already its iron hand is crushing your young +heart. Beware lest, in yielding to its decrees, you become the +hopeless being a similar course has rendered me. Beware! But why +should I warn you? Have not my prophecies ever proved Cassandran? +Leave me." + +"No, I will not leave you in anger." She drew near him and took his +hand in both hers. The fingers were cold and white as marble, rigid +and inflexible as steel. + +"My guardian, would you have me take a step (through fear of your +displeasure) which would render my life a burden? Will you urge me +to remain, when I tell you that I cannot be happy here? I think +not." + +"Urge you to remain? By the Furies--no! I urge you to go! Yes--go! I +no longer want you here. Your presence would irritate me beyond +measure. But listen to me. I am going to New York on business; had +intended taking you with me; but, since you are so stubbornly proud, +I can consent to leave you. I shall start to-morrow evening--rather +earlier than I expected--and shall not return before September, +perhaps even later. What your plans are I shall not inquire; but it +is my request that you remain in this house, under Mrs. Watson's +care, until your school duties commence; then you will, I suppose, +remove elsewhere. I also request, particularly, that you will not +hesitate to use the contents of a purse which I shall leave on my +desk for you. Remember that in coming years, when trials assail you, +if you need a friend, I will still assist you. You will leave me +now, if you please, as I have some letters to write." He motioned +her away, and, unable to frame any reply, she left the room. + +Though utterly miserable, now that her guardian seemed so completely +estranged, her proud nature rebelled at his stern dismissal, and a +feeling of reckless defiance speedily dried the tears on her cheek. +That he should look down upon her with scornful indifference stung +her almost to desperation, and she resolved, instead of weeping, to +meet and part with him as coldly as his contemptuous treatment +justified. Weary in mind and body she fell asleep, and soon forgot +all her plans and sorrows. The sun was high in the heavens when +Harriet waked her, and, starting up, she asked: + +"What time is it? How came I to sleep so late?" + +"It is eight o'clock. Master ate breakfast an hour ago. Look here, +child; what is to pay? Master is going off to the North, to be gone +till October. He sat up all night, writing and giving orders about +things on the place, 'specially the greenhouse and the flower seeds +to be saved in the front yard. He has not been in such a way since +seven years ago. What is in the wind now? What ails him?" Harriet +sat with her elbows on her knees, and her wrinkled face resting in +the palms of her hands. She looked puzzled and discontented. + +"He told me last night that he expected to leave home this evening; +that he was going to New York on business." Beulah affected +indifference; but the searching eyes of the old woman were fixed on +her, and, as she turned away, Harriet exclaimed: + +"Going this evening! Why, child, he has gone. Told us all good-by, +from Mrs. Watson down to Charon. Said his trunk must be sent down to +the wharf at three o'clock; that he would not have time to come home +again. There, good gracious! you are as white as a sheet; I will +fetch you some wine." She hurried out, and Beulah sank into a chair, +stunned by the intelligence. + +When Harriet proffered a glass of cordial she declined it, and said +composedly: + +"I will come, after a while, and take my breakfast. There is no +accounting for your master's movements. I would as soon engage to +keep up with a comet. There, let go my dress; I am going into the +study for a while." She went slowly down the steps and, locking the +door of the study to prevent intrusion, looked around the room. +There was an air of confusion, as though books and chairs had been +hastily moved about. On the floor lay numerous shreds of crape, and, +glancing up, she saw, with surprise, that the portrait had been +closely wrapped in a sheet and suspended with the face to the wall. +Instantly an uncontrollable desire seized her to look at that face. +She had always supposed it to be his wife's likeness, and longed to +gaze upon the features of one whose name her husband had never +mentioned. The mantel was low, and, standing on a chair, she +endeavored to catch the cord which supported the frame; but it hung +too high. She stood on the marble mantel, and stretched her hands +eagerly up; but though her fingers touched the cord she could not +disengage it from the hook, and, with a sensation of keen +disappointment, she was forced to abandon the attempt. A note on the +desk attracted her attention. It was directed to her, and contained +only a few words: + +"Accompanying this is a purse containing a hundred dollars. In any +emergency which the future may present, do not hesitate to call on +YOUR GUARDIAN." + +She laid her head down on his desk and sobbed bitterly. For the +first time she realized that he had indeed gone--gone without one +word of adieu, one look of kindness or reconciliation. Her tortured +heart whispered: "Write him a note; ask him to come home; tell him +you will not leave his house." But pride answered: "He is a tyrant; +don't be grieved at his indifference; he is nothing to you; go to +work boldly and repay the money you have cost him." Once more, as in +former years, a feeling of desolation crept over her. She had +rejected her guardian's request, and isolated herself from sympathy; +for who would assist and sympathize with her mental difficulties as +he had done? The tears froze in her eyes, and she sat for some time +looking at the crumpled note. Gradually an expression of proud +defiance settled on her features; she took the purse, walked up to +her room, and put on her bonnet and mantle. Descending to the +breakfast room, she drank a cup of coffee, and, telling Mrs. Watson +she would be absent an hour or two, left the house and proceeded to +Madam St. Cymon's. She asked to see Miss Sanders, and, after waiting +a few minutes in the parlor, Clara made her appearance. She looked +wan and weary, but greeted her friend with a gentle smile. + +"I heard of your triumph yesterday, Beulah, and most sincerely +congratulate you." + +"I am in no mood for congratulations just now. Clara, did not you +tell me, a few days since, that the music teacher of this +establishment was ill and that Madam St. Cymon was anxious to +procure another?" + +"Yes; I have no idea she will ever be well again. If strong enough +she is going back to her family in Philadelphia next week. Why do +you ask?" + +"I want to get the situation, and wish you would say to madam that I +have called to see her about it. I will wait here till you speak to +her." + +"Beulah, are you mad? Dr. Hartwell never will consent to your +teaching music!" cried Clara, with astonishment written on every +feature. + +"Dr. Hartwell is not my master, Clara Sanders! Will you speak to +madam, or shall I have to do it?" + +"Certainly, I will speak to her. But oh, Beulah! are you wild enough +to leave your present home for such a life?" + +"I have been elected a teacher in the public schools but shall have +nothing to do until the first of October. In the meantime I intend +to give music lessons. If madam will employ me for two months she +may be able to procure a professor by the opening of the next term. +And, further, if I can make this arrangement I am coming immediately +to board with Mrs. Hoyt. Now speak to madam for me, will you?" + +"One moment more. Does the doctor know of all this?" + +"He knows that I intend to teach in the public school. He goes to +New York this afternoon." + +Clara looked at her mournfully, and said, with sad emphasis: + +"Oh, Beulah! you may live to rue your rashness." + +To Madam St. Cymon the proposal was singularly opportune, and, +hastening to meet the applicant, she expressed much pleasure at +seeing Miss Benton again. She was very anxious to procure a teacher +for the young ladies boarding with her, and for her own daughters, +and the limited engagement would suit very well. She desired, +however, to hear Miss Benton perform. Beulah took off her gloves and +played several very difficult pieces with the ease which only +constant practice and skillful training can confer. Madam declared +herself more than satisfied with her proficiency, and requested her +to commence her instructions on the following day. She had given the +former teacher six hundred dollars a year, and would allow Miss +Benton eighty dollars for the two months. Beulah was agreeably +surprised at the ample remuneration, and, having arranged the hours +of her attendance at the school, she took leave of the principal. +Clara called to her as she reached the street; and, assuming a +gayety which, just then, was very foreign to her real feelings, +Beulah answered: + +"It is all arranged. I shall take tea with you in my new home, +provided Mrs. Hoyt can give me a room." She kissed her hand and +hurried away. Mrs. Hoyt found no difficulty in providing a room; +and, to Beulah's great joy, managed to have a vacant one adjoining +Clara's. She was a gentle, warmhearted woman; and as Beulah examined +the apartment and inquired the terms, she hesitated, and said: + +"My terms are thirty dollars a month; but you are poor, I judge, and +being Miss Clara's friend I will only charge you twenty-five." + +"I do not wish you to make any deduction in my favor. I will take +the room at thirty dollars," answered Beulah rather haughtily. + +"Very well. When will you want it?" + +"Immediately. Be kind enough to have it in readiness for me. I shall +come this afternoon. Could you give me some window curtains? I +should like it better, if you could do so without much +inconvenience." + +"Oh, certainly! they were taken down yesterday to be washed. +Everything shall be in order for you." + +It was too warm to walk home again, and Beulah called a carriage. +The driver had not proceeded far when a press of vehicles forced him +to pause a few minutes. They happened to stand near the post office, +and, as Beulah glanced at the eager crowd collected in front, she +started violently on perceiving her guardian. He stood on the +corner, talking to a gentleman of venerable aspect, and she saw that +he looked harassed. She was powerfully impelled to beckon him to +her, and at least obtain a friendly adieu; but again pride +prevailed. He had deliberately left her, without saying good-by, and +she would not force herself on his notice. Even as she dropped her +veil to avoid observation the carriage rolled on, and she was soon +at Dr. Hartwell's door. Unwilling to reflect on the steps she had +taken, she busied herself in packing her clothes and books. On every +side were tokens of her guardian's constant interest and +remembrance--pictures, vases, and all the elegant appendages of a +writing-desk. At length the last book was stowed avay and nothing +else remained to engage her. The beautiful little Nuremberg clock on +the mantel struck two, and, looking up, she saw the solemn face of +Harriet, who was standing in the door. Her steady, wondering gaze +disconcerted Beulah, despite her assumed indifference. + +"What is the meaning of all this commotion? Hal says you ordered the +carriage to be ready at five o'clock to take you away from here. Oh, +child! what are things coming to? What will master say? What won't +he say? What are you quitting this house for, where you have been +treated as well as if it belonged to you? What ails you?" + +"Nothing. I have always intended to leave here as soon as I was able +to support myself. I can do so now, very easily, and am going to +board. Your master knows I intend to teach." + +"But he has no idea that you are going to leave here before he comes +home, for he gave us all express orders to see that you had just +what you wanted. Oh, he will be in a tearing rage when he hears of +it! Don't anger him, child! Do, pray, for mercy's sake, don't anger +him! He never forgets anything! When he once sets his head he is +worse than David or the Philistines! If he is willing to support you +it is his own lookout. He is able, and his money is his own. His kin +won't get it. He and his brother don't speak; and as for Miss May! +they never did get along in peace, even before he was married. So, +if he chooses to give some of his fortune to you, it is nobody's +business but his own; and you are mighty simple, I can tell you, if +you don't stay here and take it." + +"That will do, Harriet. I do not wish any more advice. I don't want +your master's fortune, even if I had the offer of it! I am +determined to make my own living; so just say no more about it." + +"Take care, child. Remember, 'Pride goeth before a fall'!" + +"What do you mean?" cried Beulah angrily. + +"I mean that the day is coming when you will be glad enough to come +back and let my master take care of you! That's what I mean. And see +if it doesn't come to pass. But he will not do it then; I tell you +now he won't. There is no forgiving spirit about him; he is as +fierce, and bears malice as long, as a Comanche Injun! It is no +business of mine though. I have said my say; and I will be bound you +will go your own gait. You are just about as hard-headed as he is +himself. Anybody would almost believe you belonged to the Hartwell +family. Every soul of them is alike in the matter of temper; only +Miss Pauline has something of her pa's disposition. I suppose, now +her ma is married again, she will want to come back to her uncle; +should not wonder if he 'dopted her, since you have got the bit +between your teeth." + +"I hope he will," answered Beulah. She ill brooked Harriet's plain +speech, but remembrances of past affection checked the severe rebuke +which more than once rose to her lips. + +"We shall see; we shall see!" And Harriet walked off with anything +but a placid expression of countenance, while Beulah sought Mrs. +Watson to explain her sudden departure and acquaint her with her +plans for the summer. The housekeeper endeavored most earnestly to +dissuade her from taking the contemplated step, assuring her that +the doctor would be grieved and displeased; but her arguments +produced no effect, and, with tears of regret, she bade her +farewell. + +The sun was setting when Beulah took possession of her room at Mrs. +Hoyt's house. The furniture was very plain, and the want of several +articles vividly recalled the luxurious home she had abandoned. She +unpacked and arranged her clothes, and piled her books on a small +table, which was the only substitute for her beautiful desk and +elegant rosewood bookcase. She had gathered a superb bouquet of +flowers as she crossed the front yard, and, in lieu of her Sevres +vases, placed them in a dim-looking tumbler which stood on the tall, +narrow mantelpiece. Her room was in the third story, with two +windows, one opening to the south and one to the west. It grew dark +by the time she had arranged the furniture, and, too weary to think +of going down to tea, she unbound her hair and took a seat beside +the window. The prospect was extended; below her were countless +lamps, marking the principal streets; and, in the distance, the dark +cloud of masts told that river and bay might be distinctly seen by +daylight. The quiet stars looked dim through the dusty atmosphere, +and the noise of numerous vehicles rattling by produced a confused +impression, such as she had never before received at this usually +calm twilight season. The events of the day passed in a swift +review, and a mighty barrier seemed to have sprung up (as by some +foul spell) between her guardian and herself. What an immeasurable +gulf now yawned to separate them! Could it be possible that the +friendly relations of years were thus suddenly and irrevocably +annulled? Would he relinquish all interest in one whom he had so +long watched over and directed? Did he intend that they should be +completely estranged henceforth? For the first time since Lilly's +death she felt herself thrown upon the world. Alone and unaided, she +was essaying to carve her own fortune from the huge quarries where +thousands were diligently laboring. An undefinable feeling of +desolation crept into her heart; but she struggled desperately +against it, and asked, in proud defiance of her own nature: + +"Am I not sufficient unto myself? Leaning only on myself, what more +should I want? Nothing! His sympathy is utterly unnecessary." + +A knock at the door startled her, and, in answer to her "Come in," +Clara Sanders entered. She walked slowly, and, seating herself +beside Beulah, said, in a gentle but weary tone: + +"How do you like your room? I am so glad it opens into mine." + +"Quite as well as I expected. The view from this window must be very +fine. There is the tea-bell, I suppose. Are you not going down? I am +too much fatigued to move." + +"No; I never want supper, and generally spend the evenings in my +room. It is drearily monotonous here. Nothing to vary the routine +for me, except my afternoon walk, and recently the warm weather has +debarred me even from that. You are a great walker, I believe, and I +look forward to many pleasant rambles with you when I feel stronger +and autumn comes. Beulah, how long does Dr. Hartwell expect to +remain at the North? He told me, some time ago, that he was a +delegate to the Medical Convention." + +"I believe it is rather uncertain; but probably he will not return +before October." + +"Indeed! That is a long time for a physician to absent himself." + +Just then an organ-grinder paused on the pavement beneath the window +and began a beautiful air from "Sonnambula." It was a favorite song +of Beulah's, and, as the melancholy tones swelled on the night air, +they recalled many happy hours spent in the quiet study beside the +melodeon. She leaned out of the window till the last echo died away, +and, as the musician shouldered his instrument and trudged off, she +said abruptly: + +"Is there not a piano in the house!" + +"Yes; just such a one as you might expect to find in a boarding +house, where unruly children are thrumming upon it from morning till +night. It was once a fine instrument, but now is only capable of +excruciating discords. You will miss your grand piano." + +"I must have something in my own room to practice on. Perhaps I can +hire a melodeon or piano for a moderate sum. I will try to-morrow." + +"The Grahams are coming home soon, I hear. One of the principal +upholsterers boards here, and he mentioned this morning at breakfast +that he had received a letter from Mr. Graham, directing him to +attend to the unpacking of an entirely new set of furniture. +Everything will be on a grand scale. I suppose Eugene returns with +them?" + +"Yes; they will all arrive in November." + +"It must be a delightful anticipation for you." + +"Why so, pray?" + +"Why? Because you and Euguene are such old friends." + +"Oh, yes; as far as Eugene is concerned, of course it is a very +pleasant anticipation." + +"He is identified with the Grahams." + +"Not necessarily," answered Beulah coldly. + +A sad smile flitted over Clara's sweet face as she rose and kissed +her friend's brow, saying gently: + +"Good-night, dear. I have a headache, and must try to sleep it off. +Since you have determined to battle with difficulties I am very glad +to have you here with me. I earnestly hope that success may crown +your efforts and the sunshine of happiness dispel for you the +shadows that have fallen thick about my pathway. You have been rash, +Beulah, and short-sighted; but I trust that all will prove for the +best. Good-night." + +She glided away, and, locking the door, Beulah returned to her seat +and laid her head wearily down on the window-sill. What a Hermes is +thought! Like a vanishing dream fled the consciousness of +surrounding objects, and she was with Eugene. Now, in the earlier +years of his absence, she was in Heidelberg, listening to the +evening chimes, and rambling with him through the heart of the +Odenwald. Then they explored the Hartz, climbed the Brocken, and +there, among the clouds, discussed the adventures of Faust and his +kinsman, Manfred. Anon, the arrival of the Grahams disturbed the +quiet of Eugene's life, and, far away from the picturesque haunts of +Heidelberg students, he wandered with them over Italy, Switzerland, +and France. Engrossed by these companions, he no longer found time +to commune with her, and when occasionally he penned a short letter +it was hurried, constrained, and unsatisfactory. One topic had +become stereotyped; he never failed to discourage the idea of +teaching; urged most earnestly the folly of such a step, and dwelt +upon the numerous advantages of social position arising from a +residence under her guardian's roof. We have seen that from the hour +of Lilly's departure from the asylum Beulah's affections, hopes, +pride, all centered in Eugene. There had long existed a tacit +compact which led her to consider her future indissolubly linked +with his; and his parting words seemed to seal this compact as holy +and binding, when he declared, "I mean, of course, to take care of +you myself, when I come home, for you know you belong to me." His +letters for many months retained the tone of dictatorship, but the +tenderness seemed all to have melted away. He wrote as if with a +heart preoccupied by weightier matters, and now Beulah could no +longer conceal from herself the painful fact that the man was far +different from the boy. After five years' absence he was coming back +a man; engrossed by other thoughts and feelings than those which had +prompted him in days gone by. With the tenacious hope of youth she +still trusted that she might have misjudged him; he could never be +other than noble and generous; she would silence her forebodings and +wait till his return. She wished beyond all expression to see him +once more, and the prospect of a speedy reunion often made her heart +throb painfully. That he would reproach her for her obstinate +resolution of teaching, she was prepared to expect; but, strong in +the consciousness of duty, she committed herself to the care of a +merciful God, and soon slept as soundly as though under Dr. +Hartwell's roof. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + + +Sometimes, after sitting for five consecutive hours at the piano, +guiding the clumsy fingers of tyros, and listening to a tiresome +round of scales and exercises, Beulah felt exhausted, mentally and +physically, and feared that she had miserably overrated her powers +of endurance. The long, warm days of August dragged heavily by, and +each night she felt grateful that the summer was one day nearer its +grave. One afternoon she proposed to Clara to extend their walk to +the home of her guardian, and, as she readily assented, they left +the noise and crowd of the city, and soon found themselves on the +common. + +"This is my birthday," said Beulah, as they passed a clump of pines +and caught a glimpse of the white gate beyond. + +"Ah! How old are you?" + +"Eighteen--but I feel much older." + +She opened the gate, and, as they leisurely ascended the avenue of +aged cedars, Beulah felt once more as if she were going home. A +fierce bark greeted her, and the next moment Charon rushed to meet +her; placing his huge paws on her shoulders, and whining and barking +joyfully. He bounded before her to the steps, and lay down +contentedly on the piazza. Harriet's turbaned head appeared at the +entrance, and a smile of welcome lighted up her ebon face, as she +shook Beulah's hand. + +Mrs. Watson was absent, and, after a few questions, Beulah entered +the study, saying: + +"I want some books, Harriet; and Miss Sanders wishes to see the +paintings." + +Ah! every chair and book-shelf greeted her like dear friends, and +she bent down over some volumes to hide the tears that sprang into +her eyes. The only really happy portion of her life had been passed +here; every article in the room was dear from association, and, +though only a month had elapsed since her departure, those bygone +years seemed far, far off, among the mist of very distant +recollections. Thick and fast fell the hot drops, until her eyes +were blinded, and she could no longer distinguish the print they +were riveted on. The memory of kind smiles haunted her, and kinder +tones seemed borne to her from every corner of the apartment. Clara +was eagerly examining the paintings, and neither of the girls +observed Harriet's entrance, until she asked: + +"Do you know that the yellow fever has broke out here?" + +"Oh, you are mistaken! It can't be possible!" cried Clara, turning +pale. + +"I tell you, it is a fact. There are six cases now at the hospital; +Hal was there this morning. I have lived here a good many years, +and, from the signs, I think we are going to have dreadfully sickly +times. You young ladies had better keep out of the sun; first thing +you know, you will have it." + +"Who told you there was yellow fever at the hospital?" + +"Dr. Asbury said so; and, what is more, Hal has had it himself, and +nursed people who had it; and he says it is the worst sort of yellow +fever." + +"I am not afraid of it," said Beulah, looking up for the first time. + +"I am dreadfully afraid of it," answered Clara, with a nervous +shudder. + +"Then you had better leave town as quick as possible, for folks who +are easily scared always catch it soonest." + +"Nonsense!" cried Beulah, noting the deepening pallor of Clara's +face. + +"Oh, I will warrant, if everybody else--every man, woman, and child +in the city--takes it, you won't! Miss Beulah, I should like to know +what you are afraid of!" muttered Harriet, scanning the orphan's +countenance, and adding, in a louder tone: "Have you heard anything +from master?" + +"No." Beulah bit her lips to conceal her emotion. + +"Hal hears from him. He was in New York when he wrote the last +letter." She took a malicious pleasure in thus torturing her +visitor; and, determined not to gratify her by any manifestation of +interest or curiosity, Beulah took up a couple of volumes and turned +to the door, saying: + +"Come, Clara, you must each have a bouquet. Harriet, where are the +flower scissors? Dr. Hartwell never objected to my carefully cutting +even his choicest flowers. There! Clara, listen to the cool rippling +of the fountain. How I have longed to hear its silvery murmur once +more!" + +They went out into the front yard. Clara wandered about the flower +beds, gathering blossoms which were scattered in lavish profusion on +all sides; and, leaning over the marble basin, Beulah bathed her +brow in the crystal waters. There were bewitching beauty and +serenity in the scene before her, and as Charon nestled his great +head against her hand she found it very difficult to realize the +fact that she had left this lovely retreat for the small room at +Mrs. Hoyt's boarding house. It was not her habit, however, to +indulge in repinings, and, though her ardent appreciation of beauty +rendered the place incalculably dear to her, she resolutely gathered +a cluster of flowers, bade adieu to Harriet, and descended the +avenue. Charon walked soberly beside her, now and then looking up, +as if to inquire the meaning of her long absence and wonder at her +sudden departure. At the gate she patted him affectionately on the +head and passed out; he made no attempt to follow her, but barked +violently, and then lay down at the gate, whining mournfully. + +"Poor Charon! I wish I might have him," said she sadly. + +"I dare say the doctor would give him to you," answered Clara very +simply. + +"I would just as soon think of asking him for his own head," replied +Beulah. + +"It is a mystery to me, Beulah, how you can feel so coldly toward +Dr. Hartwell." + +"I should very much like to know what you mean by that?" said +Beulah, involuntarily crushing the flowers she held. + +"Why, you speak of him just as you would of anybody else." + +"Well?" + +"You seem to be afraid of him." + +"To a certain extent, I am; and so is everybody else who knows him +intimately." + +"This fear is unjust to him." + +"How so, pray?" + +"Because he is too noble to do aught to inspire it." + +"Certainly he is feared, nevertheless, by all who know him well." + +"It seems to me that, situated as you have been, you would almost +worship him!" + +"I am not addicted to worshiping anything but God!" answered Beulah +shortly. + +"You are an odd compound, Beulah. Sometimes I think you must be +utterly heartless!" + +"Thank you!" + +"Don't be hurt. But you are so cold, so freezing; you chill me." + +"Do I? Dr. Hartwell (your Delphic oracle, it seems) says I am as +fierce as a tropical tornado." + +"I do not understand how you can bear to give up such an enchanting +home, and go to hard work, as if you were driven to it from +necessity." + +"Do not go over all that beaten track again, if you please. It is +not my home! I can be just as happy, nay, happier, in my little +room." + +"I doubt it," said Clara pertinaciously. + +Stopping suddenly, and fixing her eyes steadily on her companion, +Beulah hastily asked: + +"Clara Sanders, why should you care if my guardian and I are +separated?" + +A burning blush dyed cheek and brow, as Clara drooped her head, and +answered: + +"Because he is my friend also, and I know that your departure will +grieve him." + +"You overestimate my worth and his interest. He is a man who lives +in a world of his own and needs no society, save such as is afforded +in his tasteful and elegant home. He loves books, flowers, music, +paintings, and his dog! He is a stern man, and shares his griefs and +joys with no one. All this I have told you before." + +There was a long silence, broken at last by an exclamation from +Beulah: + +"Oh! how beautiful! how silent! how solemn! Look down the long dim +aisles. It is an oratory where my soul comes to worship! Presently +the breeze will rush up from the gulf, and sweep the green organ, +and a melancholy chant will swell through these dusky arches. Oh, +what are Gothic cathedrals and gilded shrines in comparison with +these grand forest temples, where the dome is the bending vault of +God's blue, and the columns are these everlasting pines!" She +pointed to a thick clump of pines sloping down to a ravine. + +The setting sun threw long quivering rays through the clustering +boughs, and the broken beams, piercing the gloom beyond, showed the +long aisles as in a "cathedral light." + +As Clara looked down the dim glade, and then watched Beulah's parted +lips and sparkling eyes, as she stood bending forward with rapturous +delight written on every feature, she thought that she had indeed +misjudged her in using the epithets "freezing and heartless." + +"You are enthusiastic," said she gently. + +"How can I help it? I love the grand and beautiful too well to offer +a tribute of silent admiration. Oh, my homage is that of a whole +heart!" + +They reached home in the gloaming, and each retired to her own room. +For a mere trifle Beulah had procured the use of a melodeon, and +now, after placing the drooping flowers in water, she sat down +before the instrument and poured out the joy of her soul in song. +Sad memories no longer floated like corpses on the sea of the past; +grim forebodings crouched among the mists of the future, and she +sang song after song, exulting in the gladness of her heart. An +analysis of these occasional hours of delight was as impossible as +their creation. Sometimes she was conscious of their approach, while +gazing up at the starry islets in the boundless lake of azure sky; +or when a gorgeous sunset pageant was passing away; sometimes from +hearing a solemn chant in church, or a witching strain from a +favorite opera. Sometimes from viewing dim old pictures; sometimes +from reading a sublime passage in some old English or German author. +It was a serene elevation of feeling; an unbounded peace; a +chastened joyousness, which she was rarely able to analyze, but +which isolated her for a time from all surrounding circumstances. +How long she sang on the present occasion she knew not, and only +paused on hearing a heavy sob behind her. Turning round, she saw +Clara sitting near, with her face in her hands. Kneeling beside her, +Beulah wound her arms around her, and asked earnestly: + +"What troubles you, my friend? May I not know?" + +Clara dropped her head on Beulah's shoulder, and answered +hesitatingly: + +"The tones of your voice always sadden me. They are like organ +notes, solemn and awful! Yes, awful; and yet very sweet--sweeter +than any music I ever heard. Your singing fascinates me, yet, +strange as it may seem, it very often makes me weep. There is an +unearthliness, a spirituality that affects me singularly." + +"I am glad that is all. I was afraid you were distressed about +something. Here, take my rocking chair; I am going to read, and, if +you like, you may have the benefit of my book." + +"Beulah, do put away your books for one night, and let us have a +quiet time. Don't study now. Come, sit here, and talk to me." + +"Flatterer, do you pretend that you prefer my chattering to the +wonderful words of a man who 'talked like an angel'? You must listen +to the tale of that 'Ancient Mariner with glittering eye.'" + +"Spare me that horrible ghostly story of vessels freighted with +staring corpses! Ugh! it curdled the blood in my veins once, and I +shut the book in disgust. Don't begin it now, for Heaven's sake!" + +"Why, Clara! It is the most thrilling poem in the English language. +Each reperusal fascinates me more and more. It requires a dozen +readings to initiate you fully into its weird, supernatural realms." + +"Yes; and it is precisely for that reason that I don't choose to +hear it. There is quite enough of the grim and hideous in reality +without hunting it up in pages of fiction. When I read I desire to +relax my mind, not put it on the rack, as your favorite books +invariably do. Absolutely, Beulah, after listening to some of your +pet authors, I feel as if I had been standing on my head. You need +not look so coolly incredulous; it is a positive fact. As for that +'Ancient Mariner' you are so fond of, I am disposed to take the +author's own opinion of it, as expressed in those lines addressed to +himself." + +"I suppose, then, you fancy 'Christabel' as little as the other, +seeing that it is a tale of witchcraft. How would you relish that +grand anthem to nature's God, written in the vale of Chamouni?" + +"I never read it," answered Clara very quietly. + +"What? Never read 'Sibylline Leaves'? Why, I will wager my head that +you have parsed from them a thousand times! Never read that +magnificent hymn before sunrise, in the midst of glaciers and snow- +crowned, cloud-piercing peaks? Listen, then; and if you don't feel +like falling upon your knees, you have not a spark of poetry in your +soul!" + +She drew the lamp close to her, and read aloud. Her finely modulated +voice was peculiarly adapted to the task, and her expressive +countenance faithfully depicted the contending emotions which filled +her mind as she read. Clara listened with pleased interest, and, +when the short poem was concluded, said: + +"Thank you; it is beautiful. I have often seen extracts from it. +Still, there is a description of Mont Blanc in 'Manfred' which I +believe I like quite as well." + +"What? That witch fragment?" + +"Yes." + +"I don't understand 'Manfred.' Here and there are passages in +cipher. I read and catch a glimpse of hidden meaning; I read again, +and it vanishes in mist. It seems to me a poem of symbols, dimly +adumbrating truths, which my clouded intellect clutches at in vain. +I have a sort of shadowy belief that 'Astarte,' as in its ancient +mythological significance, symbolizes nature. There is a dusky vein +of mystery shrouding her, which favors my idea of her as +representing the universe. Manfred, with daring hand, tore away that +'Veil of Isis' which no mortal had ever pierced before, and, +maddened by the mockery of the stony features, paid the penalty of +his sacrilegious rashness, and fled from the temple, striving to +shake off the curse. My guardian has a curious print of 'Astarte,' +taken from some European Byronic gallery. I have studied it until +almost it seemed to move and speak to me. She is clad in the ghostly +drapery of the tomb, just as invoked by Nemesis, with trailing +tresses, closed eyes, and folded hands. The features are dim, +spectral, yet marvelously beautiful. Almost one might think the +eyelids quivered, there is such an air of waking dreaminess. That +this is a false and inadequate conception of Byron's 'Astarte' I +feel assured, and trust that I shall yet find the key to this +enigma. It interests me greatly, and, by some inexplicable process, +whenever I sit pondering the mystery of Astarte, that wonderful +creation in 'Shirley' presents itself. Astarte becomes in a trice +that 'woman-Titan' Nature, kneeling before the red hills of the +west, at her evening prayers. I see her prostrate on the great steps +of her altar, praying for a fair night, for mariners at sea, for +lambs in moors, and unfledged birds in woods. Her robe of blue air +spreads to the outskirts of the heath. A veil, white as an +avalanche, sweeps from her head to her feet, and arabesques of +lightning flame on its borders. I see her zone, purple, like the +horizon; through its blush shines the star of evening. Her forehead +has the expanse of a cloud, and is paler than the early moon, risen +long before dark gathers. She reclines on the ridge of Stillbro- +Moor, her mighty hands are joined beneath it. So kneeling, face to +face, 'Nature speaks with God.' Oh! I would give twenty years of my +life to have painted that Titan's portrait. I would rather have been +the author of this than have wielded the scepter of Zenobia, in the +palmiest days of Palmyra!" + +She spoke rapidly, and with white lips that quivered. Clara looked +at her wonderingly, and said hesitatingly: + +"I don't understand the half of what you have been saying, It sounds +to me very much as if you had stumbled into a lumber room of queer +ideas; snatched up a handful, all on different subjects, and woven +them into a speech as incongruous as Joseph's variegated coat." +There was no reply. Beulah's hands were clasped on the table before +her, and she leaned forward with eyes fixed steadily on the floor. +Clara waited a moment, and then continued: + +"I never noticed any of the mysteries of 'Manfred' that seem to +trouble you so much. I enjoy the fine passages, and never think of +the hidden meanings, as you call them; whereas it seems you are +always plunging about in the dark, hunting you know not what. I am +content to glide on the surface, and--" + +"And live in the midst of foam and bubbles!" cried Beulah, with a +gesture of impatience. + +"Better that than grope among subterranean caverns, black and icy, +as you are forever doing. You are even getting a weird, unearthly +look. Sometimes, when I come in and find you, book in hand, with +that far-off expression in your eyes, I really dislike to speak to +you. There is no more color in your face and hands than in that wall +yonder. You will dig your grave among books, if you don't take care. +There is such a thing as studying too much. Your mind is perpetually +at work; all day you are thinking, thinking, thinking; and at night, +since the warm weather has made me open the door between our rooms, +I hear you talking earnestly and rapidly in your sleep. Last week I +came in on tiptoe, and stood a few minutes beside your bed. The moon +shone in through the window, and though you were fast asleep, I saw +that you tossed your hands restlessly; while I stood there you spoke +aloud, in an incoherent manner, of the 'Dream Fugue,' and 'Vision of +Sudden Death,' and now and then you frowned, and sighed heavily, as +if you were in pain. Music is a relaxation to most people, but it +seems to put your thoughts on the rack. You will wear yourself out +prematurely if you don't quit this constant studying." + +She rose to go, and, glancing up at her, Beulah answered musingly: + +"We are very unlike. The things that I love you shrink from as dull +and tiresome. I live in a different world. Books are to me what +family, and friends, and society are to other people. It may be that +the isolation of my life necessitates this. Doubtless, you often +find me abstracted. Are you going so soon? I had hoped we should +spend a profitable evening, but it has slipped away, and I have done +nothing. Good-night." She rose and gave the customary good-night +kiss, and, as Clara retired to her own room, Beulah turned up the +wick of her lamp and resumed her book. The gorgeous mazes of +Coleridge no longer imprisoned her fancy; it wandered mid the +silence, and desolation, and sand rivulets of the Thebaid desert; +through the date groves of the lonely Laura; through the museums of +Alexandria. Over the cool, crystal depths of "Hypatia" her thirsty +spirit hung eagerly. In Philammon's intellectual nature she found a +startling resemblance to her own. Like him, she had entered a +forbidden temple, and learned to question; and the same "insatiable +craving to know the mysteries of learning" was impelling her, with +irresistible force, out into the world of philosophic inquiry. Hours +fled on unnoted; with nervous haste the leaves were turned. The town +clock struck three. As she finished the book and laid it on the +table she bowed her head upon her hands. She was bewildered. Was +Kingsley his own Raphael-Aben-Ezra? or did he heartily believe in +the Christianity of which he had given so hideous a portraiture? Her +brain whirled, yet there was a great dissatisfaction. She could not +contentedly go back to the Laura with Philammon; "Hypatia" was not +sufficiently explicit. She was dissatisfied; there was more than +this Alexandrian ecstasy to which Hypatia was driven; but where, and +how should she find it? Who would guide her? Was not her guardian, +in many respects, as skeptical as Raphael himself? Dare she enter, +alone and unaided, this Cretan maze of investigation, where all the +wonderful lore of the gifted Hypatia had availed nothing? What was +her intellect given her for, if not to be thus employed? Her head +ached with the intensity of thought, and, as she laid it on her +pillow and closed her eyes, day looked out over the eastern sky. + +The ensuing week was one of anxious apprehension to all within the +city. Harriet's words seemed prophetic; there was every intimation +of a sickly season. Yellow fever had made its appearance in several +sections of the town in its most malignant type. The board of health +devised various schemes for arresting the advancing evil. The +streets were powdered with lime and huge fires of tar kept +constantly burning, yet daily, hourly, the fatality increased; and, +as colossal ruin strode on, the terrified citizens fled in all +directions. In ten days the epidemic began to make fearful havoc; +all classes and ages were assailed indiscriminately. Whole families +were stricken down in a day, and not one member spared to aid the +others. The exodus was only limited by impossibility; all who could +abandoned their homes and sought safety in flight. These were the +fortunate minority; and, as if resolved to wreak its fury on the +remainder, the contagion spread into every quarter of the city. Not +even physicians were spared; and those who escaped trembled in +anticipation of the fell stroke. Many doubted that it was yellow +fever, and conjectured that the veritable plague had crossed the +ocean. Of all Mrs. Hoyt's boarders, but half a dozen determined to +hazard remaining in the infected region. These were Beulah, Clara, +and four gentlemen. Gladly would Clara have fled to a place of +safety, had it been in her power; but there was no one to accompany +or watch over her, and as she was forced to witness the horrors of +the season a sort of despair seemed to nerve her trembling frame. +Mrs. Watson had been among the first to leave the city. Madam St. +Cymon had disbanded her school; and, as only her three daughters +continued to take music lessons, Beulah had ample leisure to +contemplate the distressing scenes which surrounded her. At noon, +one September day, she stood at the open window of her room. The air +was intensely hot; the drooping leaves of the China trees were +motionless; there was not a breath of wind stirring; and the sable +plumes of the hearses were still as their burdens. The brazen, +glittering sky seemed a huge glowing furnace, breathing out only +scorching heat. Beulah leaned out of the window, and, wiping away +the heavy drops that stood on her brow, looked down the almost +deserted street. Many of the stores were closed; whilom busy haunts +were silent; and very few persons were visible, save the drivers of +two hearses and of a cart filled with coffins. The church bells +tolled unceasingly, and the desolation, the horror, were +indescribable, as the sable wings of the Destroyer hung over the +doomed city. Out of her ten fellow-graduates, four slept in the +cemetery. The night before she had watched beside another, and at +dawn saw the limbs stiffen and the eyes grow sightless. Among her +former schoolmates the contagion had been particularly fatal, and, +fearless of danger, she had nursed two of them. As she stood fanning +herself, Clara entered hurriedly, and, sinking into a chair, +exclaimed, in accents of terror: + +"It has come! as I knew it would! Two of Mrs. Hoyt's children have +been taken, and, I believe, one of the waiters also! Merciful God! +what will become of me?" Her teeth chattered, and she trembled from +head to foot. + +"Don't be alarmed, Clara! Your excessive terror is your greatest +danger. If you would escape you must keep as quiet as possible." + +She poured out a glass of water and made her drink it; then asked: + +"Can Mrs. Hoyt get medical aid?" + +"No; she has sent for every doctor in town, and not one has come." + +"Then I will go down and assist her." Beulah turned toward the door, +but Clara caught her dress, and said hoarsely: + +"Are you mad, thus continually to put your life in jeopardy? Are you +shod with immortality, that you thrust yourself into the very path +of destruction?" + +"I am not afraid of the fever, and therefore think I shall not take +it. As long as I am able to be up I shall do all that I can to +relieve the sick. Remember, Clara, nurses are not to be had now for +any sum." She glided down the steps, and found the terrified mother +wringing her hands helplessly over the stricken ones. The children +were crying on the bed, and, with the energy which the danger +demanded, Beulah speedily ordered the mustard baths, and +administered the remedies she had seen prescribed on previous +occasions. The fever rose rapidly, and, undaunted by thoughts of +personal danger, she took her place beside the bed. It was past +midnight when Dr. Asbury came; exhausted and haggard from +unremitting toil and vigils, he looked several years older than when +she had last seen him. He started on perceiving her perilous post, +and said anxiously: + +"Oh, you are rash! very rash! What would Hartwell say? What will he +think when he comes?" + +"Comes! Surely you have not urged him to come back now!" said she, +grasping his arm convulsively. + +"Certainly. I telegraphed to him to come home by express. You need +not look so troubled; he has had this Egyptian plague, will run no +risk, and, even if he should, will return as soon as possible." + +"Are you sure that he has had the fever?" + +"Yes, sure. I nursed him myself, the summer after he came from +Europe, and thought he would die. That was the last sickly season we +have had for years, but this caps the climax of all I ever saw or +heard of in America. Thank God, my wife and children are far away; +and, free from apprehension on their account, I can do my duty." + +All this was said in an undertone, and, after advising everything +that could possibly be done, he left the room, beckoning Beulah +after him. She followed, and he said earnestly: + +"Child, I tremble for you. Why did you leave Hartwell's house and +incur all this peril? Beulah, though it is nobly unselfish in you to +devote yourself to the sick, as you are doing, it may cost you your +life--nay, most probably it will." + +"I have thought of it all, sir, and determined to do my duty." + +"Then God preserve you. Those children have been taken violently; +watch them closely; good nursing is worth all the apothecary shops. +You need not send for me any more; I am out constantly; whenever I +can I will come; meantime, depend only on the nursing. Should you be +taken yourself, let me know at once; do not fail. A word more--keep +yourself well stimulated." + +He hurried away, and she returned to the sickroom, to speculate on +the probability of soon meeting her guardian. Who can tell how +dreary were the days and nights that followed? Mrs. Hoyt took the +fever, and mother and children moaned together. On the morning of +the fourth day the eldest child, a girl of eight years, died, with +Beulah's hand grasped in hers. Happily, the mother was unconscious, +and the little corpse was borne into an adjoining room. Beulah +shrank from the task which she felt for the first time in her life +called on to perform. She could nurse the living, but dreaded the +thought of shrouding the dead. Still, there was no one else to do +it, and she bravely conquered her repugnance, and clad the young +sleeper for the tomb. The gentlemen boarders, who had luckily +escaped, arranged the mournful particulars of the burial; and, after +severing a sunny lock of hair for the mother, should she live, +Beulah saw the cold form borne out to its last resting-place. +Another gloomy day passed slowly, and she was rewarded by the +convalescence of the remaining sick child. Mrs. Hoyt still hung upon +the confines of eternity; and Beulah, who had not closed her eyes +for many nights, was leaning over the bed counting the rushing +pulse, when a rapid step caused her to look up, and, falling forward +in her arms, Clara cried: + +"Save me! save me! The chill is on me now!" + +It was too true; and as Beulah assisted her to her room and +carefully bathed her feet, her heart was heavy with dire dread lest +Clara's horror of the disease should augment its ravages. Dr. Asbury +was summoned with all haste; but, as usual, seemed an age in coming, +and when at last he came could only prescribe what had already been +done. It was pitiable to watch the agonized expression of Clara's +sweet face, as she looked from the countenance of the physician to +that of her friend, striving to discover their opinion of her case. + +"Doctor, you must send Hal to me. He can nurse Mrs. Hoyt and little +Willie while I watch Clara. I can't possibly take care of all three, +though Willie is a great deal better. Can you send him at once? He +is a good nurse." + +"Yes; he has been nursing poor Tom Hamil, but he died about an hour +ago, and Hal is released. I look for Hartwell hourly. You do keep up +amazingly! Bless you, Beulah!" Wringing her hand, he descended the +stairs. + +Re-entering the room Beulah sat down beside Clara, and taking one +burning hand in her cool palms, pressed it softly, saying in an +encouraging tone: + +"I feel so much relieved about Willie; he is a great deal better; +and I think Mrs. Hoyt's fever is abating. You were not taken so +severely as Willie, and if you will go to sleep quietly I believe +you will only have a light attack." + +"Did those downstairs have black vomit?" asked Clara shudderingly. + +"Lizzie had it; the others did not. Try not to think about it. Go to +sleep." + +"What was that the doctor said about Dr. Hartwell? I could not hear +very well, you talked so low. Ah, tell me, Beulah." + +"Only that he is coming home soon--that was all. Don't talk any +more." + +Clara closed her eyes, but tears stole from beneath the lashes and +coursed rapidly down her glowing cheeks. The lips moved in prayer, +and her fingers closed tightly over those of her companion. Beulah +felt that her continued vigils and exertions were exhausting her. +Her limbs trembled when she walked, and there was a dull pain in her +head which she could not banish. Her appetite had long since +forsaken her, and it was only by the exertion of a determined will +that she forced herself to eat. She was warmly attached to Clara, +and the dread of losing this friend caused her to suffer keenly. +Occasionally she stole away to see the other sufferers, fearing that +when Mrs. Hoyt discovered Lizzie's death the painful intelligence +would seal her own fate. It was late at night. She had just returned +from one of these hasty visits, and, finding that Hal was as +attentive as anyone could be, she threw herself, weary and anxious, +into an armchair beside Clara's bed. The crimson face was turned +toward her, the parched lips parted, the panting breath labored and +irregular. The victim was delirious; the hazel eyes, inflamed and +vacant, rested on Beulah's countenance, and she murmured: + +"He will never know! Oh, no! how should he? The grave will soon shut +me in, and I shall see him no more--no more!" She shuddered and +turned away. + +Beulah leaned her head against the bed, and, as a tear slid down +upon her hand, she thought and said with bitter sorrow: + +"I would rather see her the victim of death than have her drag out +an aimless, cheerless existence, rendered joyless by this hopeless +attachment!" + +She wondered whether Dr. Hartwell suspected this love. He was +remarkably quick-sighted, and men, as well as women, were very vain +and wont to give even undue weight to every circumstance which +flattered their self-love. She had long seen this partiality; would +not the object of it be quite as penetrating? Clara was very pretty; +nay, at times she was beautiful. If conscious of her attachment, +could he ever suffer himself to be influenced by it? No; impossible! +There were utter antagonisms of taste and temperament which rendered +it very certain that she would not suit him for a companion. Yet she +was very lovable. Beulah walked softly across the room and leaned +out of the window. An awful stillness brooded over the city. + + "The moving moon went up the sky, + And nowhere did abide; + Softly she was going up, + And a star or two beside." + +The soft beams struggled to pierce the murky air, dense with smoke +from the burning pitch. There was no tread on the pavement--all was +solemn as Death, who held such mad revel in the crowded graveyards. +Through the shroud of smoke she could see the rippling waters of the +bay, as the faint southern breeze swept its surface. It was a +desolation realizing all the horrors of the "Masque of the Red +Death," and as she thought of the mourning hearts in that silent +city, of Clara's danger and her own, Beulah repeated sadly those +solemn lines: + + "'Like clouds that rake the mountain summit, + Or waves that own no curbing hand, + How fast has brother followed brother, + From sunshine to the sunless land!'" + +Clasping her hands, she added earnestly: + +"I thank thee, my Father! that the Atlantic rolls between Eugene and +this 'besom of destruction.'" + +A touch on her shoulder caused her to look around, and her eyes +rested on her guardian. She started, but did not speak, and held out +her hand. He looked at her long and searchingly; his lip trembled, +and, instead of taking her offered hand, he passed his arm around +her and drew her to his bosom. She looked up with surprise; and, +bending his haughty head, he kissed her pale brow for the first +time. She felt then that she would like to throw her arms round his +neck and tell him how very glad she was to see him again--how +unhappy his sudden departure had made her; but a feeling she could +not pause to analyze prevented her from following the dictates of +her heart; and, holding her off, so as to scan her countenance, Dr. +Hartwell said: + +"How worn and haggard you look! Oh, child! your rash obstinacy has +tortured me beyond expression." + +"I have but done my duty. It has been a horrible time. I am glad you +have come. You will not let Clara die." + +"Sit down, child. You are trembling from exhaustion." + +He drew up a chair for her, and, taking her wrist in his hand, said, +as he examined the slow pulse: + +"Was Clara taken violently? How is she?" + +"She is delirious, and so much alarmed at her danger that I feel +very uneasy about her. Come and see her; perhaps she will know you." +She led the way to the bedside; but there was no recognition in the +wild, restless eyes, and as she tossed from side to side, her +incoherent muttering made Beulah dread lest she should discover to +its object the adoring love which filled her pure heart. She told +her guardian what had been prescribed. He offered no suggestion as +to the treatment, but gave a potion which she informed him was due. +As Clara swallowed the draught, she looked at him, and said eagerly: + +"Has he come? Did he say he would see me and save me? Did Dr. +Hartwell send me this?" + +"She raves," said Beulah hastily. + +A shadow fell upon his face, and, stooping over the pillow, he +answered very gently: + +"Yes; he has come to save you. He is here." + +She smiled, and seemed satisfied for a moment; then moaned and +muttered on indistinctly. + +"He knows it all? Oh, poor, poor Clara!" thought Beulah. shading her +face to prevent his reading what passed in her mind. + +"How long have you been sitting up, Beulah?" + +She told him. + +"It is no wonder you look as if years had suddenly passed over your +head! You have a room here, I believe. Go to it, and go to sleep; I +will not leave Clara." + +It was astonishing how his presence removed the dread weight of +responsibility from her heart. Not until this moment had she felt as +if she could possibly sleep. + +"I will sleep now, so as to be refreshed for to-morrow and to-morrow +night. Here is a couch; I will sleep here, and if Clara grows worse +you must wake me." She crossed the room, threw herself on the couch, +and laid her aching head on her arm. Dr. Hartwell placed a pillow +under the head; once more his fingers sought her wrist; once more +his lips touched her forehead, and as he returned to watch beside +Clara and listen to her ravings, Beulah sank into a heavy, dreamless +sleep of exhaustion. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + + +She was awakened by the cool pattering of raindrops, which beat +through the shutters and fell upon her face. She sprang up with a +thrill of delight and looked out. A leaden sky lowered over the +city, and as the torrents came down in whitening sheets, the thunder +rolled continuously overhead, and trailing wreaths of smoke from the +dying fires drooped like banners over the roofs of the houses. Not +the shower which gathered and fell around seagirt Carmel was more +gratefully received. + +"Thank God! it rains!" cried Beulah, and, turning toward Clara, she +saw with pain that the sufferer was all unconscious of the tardy +blessing. She kissed the hot, dry brow; but no token of recognition +greeted her anxious gaze. The fever was at its height; the delicate +features were strangely sharpened and distorted. Save the sound of +her labored breathing, the room was silent, and, sinking on her +knees, Beulah prayed earnestly that the gentle sufferer might be +spared. As she rose her guardian entered, and she started at the +haggard, wasted, harassed look of the noble face, which she had not +observed before. He bent down and coaxed Clara to take a spoonful of +medicine, and Beulah asked earnestly: + +"Have you been ill, sir?" + +"No." + +He did not even glance at her. The affectionate cordiality of the +hour of meeting had utterly vanished. He looked as cold, stern, and +impenetrable as some half-buried sphinx of the desert. + +"Have you seen the others this morning?" said she, making a strong +effort to conceal the chagrin this revulsion of feeling occasioned. + +"Yes; Mrs. Hoyt will get well." + +"Does she know of her child's death?" + +"Yes." + +"You are not going, surely?" she continued, as he took his hat and +glanced at his watch. + +"I am needed elsewhere. Only nursing can now avail here. You know +very well what is requisite. Either Dr. Asbury or I will be here +again to-night to sit up with this gentle girl." + +"You need neither of you come to sit up with her. I will do that +myself. I shall not sleep another moment until I know that she is +better." + +"Very well." He left the room immediately. + +"How he cases his volcanic nature in ice!" thought Beulah, sinking +into the armchair. "Last night he seemed so kind, so cordial, so +much my friend and guardian! To-day there is a mighty barrier, as +though he stood on some towering crag and talked to me across an +infinite gulf! Well, well, even an Arctic night passes away; and I +can afford to wait till his humor changes." + +For many hours the rain fell unceasingly, but toward sunset the pall +of clouds was scourged on by a brisk western breeze, and the clear +canopy of heaven, no longer fiery as for days past, but cool and +blue, bent serenely over the wet earth. The slanting rays of the +swiftly sinking sun flashed through dripping boughs, creating +myriads of diamond sprays; and over the sparkling waters of the bay +sprang a brilliant bow, arching superbly along the eastern horizon, +where a bank of clouds still lay. Verily, it seemed a new covenant +that the destroying demon should no longer desolate the beautiful +city, and to many an anxious, foreboding heart that glorious rainbow +gave back hope and faith. A cool, quiet twilight followed. Beulah +knew that hearses still bore the dead to their silent chambers; she +could hear the rumbling, the melancholy, solemn sound of the wheels; +but firm trust reigned in her heart, and, with Clara's hand in hers, +she felt an intuitive assurance that the loved one would not yet be +summoned from her earthly field of action. The sick in the other +part of the house were much better, and, though one of the gentlemen +boarders had been taken since morning, she lighted the lamp and +stole about the room with a calmer, happier spirit than she had +known for many days. She fancied that her charge breathed more +easily, and the wild stare of the inflamed eyes was concealed under +the long lashes which lay on the cheeks. The sufferer slept, and the +watcher augured favorably. About nine o'clock she heard steps on the +stairs, and soon after Drs. Asbury and Hartwell entered together. +There was little to be told, and less to be advised, and while the +latter attentively examined the pulse and looked down at the altered +countenance, stamped with the signet of the dread disease, the +former took Beulah's hand in both his, and said kindly: + +"How do you do, my little heroine? By Nebros! you are worth your +weight in medical treatises. How are you, little one?" + +"Quite well, thank you, sir, and I dare say I am much more able to +sit up with the sick than you, who have had no respite whatever. +Don't stand up, when you must be so weary; take this easy-chair." +Holding his hand firmly, she drew him down to it. There had always +been a fatherly tenderness in his manner toward her, when visiting +at her guardian's, and she regarded him with reverence and +affection. Though often blunt, he never chilled nor repelled her, as +his partner so often did, and now she stood beside him, still +holding one of his hands. He smoothed back the gray hair from his +furrowed brow, and, with a twinkle in his blue eye, said: + +"How much will you take for your services? I want to engage you to +teach my madcap daughters a little quiet bravery and uncomplaining +endurance." + +"I have none of the Shylock in my composition; only give me a few +kind words and I shall be satisfied. Now, once for all, Dr. Asbury, +if you treat me to any more barefaced flattery of this sort, I nurse +no more of your patients." + +Dr. Hartwell here directed his partner's attention to Clara, and, +thoroughly provoked at the pertinacity with which he avoided +noticing her, she seized the brief opportunity to visit Mrs. Hoyt +and little Willie. The mother welcomed her with a silent grasp of +the hand and a gush of tears. But this was no time for +acknowledgments, and Beulah strove, by a few encouraging remarks, to +cheer the bereaved parent and interest Willie, who, like all other +children under such circumstances, had grown fretful. She shook up +their pillows, iced a fresh pitcher of water for them, and, +promising to run down and see them often, now that Hal was forced to +give his attention to the last victim, she noiselessly stole back to +Clara's room. Dr. Hartwell was walking up and down the floor, and +his companion sat just as she had left him. He rose as she entered, +and, putting on his hat, said kindly: + +"Are you able to sit up with Miss Sanders to-night? If not, say so +candidly." + +"I am able and determined to do so." + +"Very well. After to-morrow it will not be needed." + +"What do you mean?" cried Beulah, clutching his arm. + +"Don't look so savage, child. She will either be convalescent or +beyond all aid. I hope and believe the former. Watch her closely +till I see you again. Good-night, dear child." He stepped to the +door, and, with a slight inclination of his head, Dr. Hartwell +followed him. + +It was a vigil Beulah never forgot. The night seemed interminable, +as if the car of time were driven backward, and she longed +inexpressibly for the dawning of day. Four o'clock came at last; +silence brooded over the town; the western breeze had sung itself to +rest, and there was a solemn hush, as though all nature stood still +to witness the struggle between dusky Azrael and a human soul. Clara +slept. The distant stars looked down encouragingly from their homes +of blue, and once more the lonely orphan bent her knee in +supplication before the throne of Jehovah. But a cloud seemed +hovering between her heart and the presence-chamber of Deity. In +vain she prayed, and tried to believe that life would be spared in +answer to her petitions. Faith died in her soul, and she sat with +her eyes riveted upon the face of her friend. The flush of consuming +fever paled, the pulse was slow and feeble, and by the gray light of +day Beulah saw that the face was strangely changed. For several +hours longer she maintained her watch; still the doctor did not +come, and while she sat with Clara's fingers clasped in her, the +brown eyes opened, and looked dreamily at her. She leaned over and, +kissing the wan cheek, asked eagerly: + +"How do you feel, darling?" + +"Perfectly weak and helpless. How long have I been sick?" + +"Only a few days. You are a great deal better now." She tenderly +smoothed the silky hair that clustered in disorder round the face. +Clara seemed perplexed; she thought for a moment, and said feebly: + +"Have I been very ill?" + +"Well--yes. You have been right sick. Had some fever, but it has +left you." + +Clara mused again. Memory came back slowly, and at length she asked: + +"Did they all die?" + +"Did who die?" + +"All those downstairs." She shuddered violently. + +"Oh, no! Mrs. Hoyt and Willie are almost well. Try to go to sleep +again, Clara." + +Several minutes glided by; the eyes closed, and, clasping Beulah's +fingers tightly, she asked again: + +"Have I had any physician?" + +"Yes. I thought it would do no harm to have Dr. Asbury see you," +answered Beulah carelessly. She saw an expression of disappointment +pass sadly over the girl's countenance; and, thinking it might be as +well to satisfy her at once, she continued, as if speaking on +indifferent topics: + +"Dr. Hartwell came home since you were taken sick, and called to see +you two or three times." + +A faint glow tinged the sallow cheek, and while a tremor crept over +her lips she said almost inaudibly: + +"When will he come again?" + +"Before long, I dare say. Indeed, there is his step now. Dr. Asbury +is with him." + +She had not time to say more, for they came in immediately, and, +with a species of pity she noted the smile of pleasure which curved +Clara's mouth as her guardian bent down and spoke to her. While he +took her thin hand and fixed his eyes on her face, Dr. Asbury looked +over his shoulder, and said bluntly: + +"Hurrah for you! All right again, as I thought you would be! Does +your head ache at all this morning? Feel like eating half a dozen +partridges?" + +"She is not deaf," said Dr. Hartwell rather shortly. + +"I am not so sure of that; she has been to all my questions lately. +I must see about Carter, below. Beulah, child, you look the worse +for your apprenticeship to our profession." + +"So do you, sir," said she, smiling as her eyes wandered over his +grim visage. + +"You may well say that, child. I snatched about two hours' sleep +this morning, and when I woke I felt very much like Coleridge's +unlucky sailor: + + "'I moved, and could not feel my limbs; + I was so light--almost, + I thought that I had died in sleep, + And was a blessed ghost.'" + +He hurried away to another part of the house, and Beulah went into +her own apartment to arrange her hair, which she felt must need +attention sadly. + +Looking into the glass she could not forbear smiling at the face +which looked back at her, it was so thin and ghastly; even the lips +were colorless and the large eyes sunken. She unbound her hair, and +had only shaken it fully out, when a knock at her door called her +from the glass. She tossed her hair all back, and it hung like an +inky veil almost to the floor, as she opened the door and confronted +her guardian. + +"Here is some medicine which must be mixed in a tumbler of water. I +want a tablespoonful given every hour, unless Clara is asleep. Keep +everything quiet." + +"Is that all?" said Beulah coolly. + +"That is all." He walked off, and she brushed and twisted up her +hair, wondering how long he meant to keep up that freezing manner. +It accorded very well with his treatment before his departure for +the North, and she sighed as she recalled the brief hour of +cordiality which followed his return. She began to perceive that +this was the way they were to meet in future; she had displeased +him, and he intended that she should feel it. Tears gathered in her +eyes, but she drove them scornfully back, and exclaimed indignantly: + +"He wants to rule me with a rod of iron, because I am indebted to +him for an education and support for several years. As I hope for a +peaceful rest hereafter, I will repay him every cent he has expended +for music, drawing, and clothing! I will economize until every +picayune is returned." + +The purse had not been touched, and, hastily counting the contents +to see that all the bills were there, she relocked the drawer and +returned to the sickroom with anything but a calm face. Clara seemed +to be asleep, and, picking up a book, Beulah began to read. A +sickroom is always monotonous and dreary, and long confinement had +rendered Beulah restless and uncomfortable. Her limbs ached--so did +her head, and continued loss of sleep made her nervous to an unusual +degree. She longed to open her melodeon and play; this would have +quieted her, but of course was not to be thought of, with four +invalids in the house and death on almost every square in the city. +She was no longer unhappy about Clara, for there was little doubt +that, with care, she would soon be well, and thus drearily the hours +wore on. Finally Clara evinced a disposition to talk. Her nurse +discouraged it, with exceedingly brief replies; intimating that she +would improve her condition by going to sleep. Toward evening Clara +seemed much refreshed by a long nap, and took some food which had +been prepared for her. + +"The sickness is abating, is it not, Beulah?" + +"Yes, very perceptibly; but more from lack of fresh victims than +anything else. I hope we shall have a white frost soon." + +"It has been very horrible! I shudder when I think of it," said +Clara. + +"Then don't think of it," answered her companion. + +"Oh, how can I help it? I did not expect to live through it. I was +sure I should die when that chill came on. You have saved me, dear +Beulah!" Tears glistened in her soft eyes. + +"No; God saved you." + +"Through your instrumentality," replied Clara, raising her friend's +hand to her lips. + +"Don't talk any more; the doctor expressly enjoined quiet for you." + +"I am glad to owe my recovery to him also. How noble and good he is- +-how superior to everybody else!" murmured the sick girl. + +Beulah's lips became singularly compact, but she offered no comment. +She walked up and down the room, although so worn out that she could +scarcely keep herself erect. When the doctor came she escaped +unobserved to her room, hastily put on her bonnet, and ran down the +steps for a short walk. It was perfect Elysium to get out once more +under the pure sky and breathe the air, as it swept over the bay, +cool, sweet, and invigorating. The streets were still quiet, but +hearses and carts, filled with coffins, no longer greeted her on +every side, and she walked for several squares. The sun went down, +and, too weary to extend her ramble, she slowly retraced her steps. +The buggy no longer stood at the door, and, after seeing Mrs. Hoyt +and trying to chat pleasantly, she crept back to Clara. + +"Where have you been?" asked the latter. + +"To get a breath of fresh air and see the sun set." + +"Dr. Hartwell asked for you. I did not know what had become of you." + +"How do you feel to-night?" said Beulah, laying her hand softly on +Clara's forehead. + +"Better, but very weak. You have no idea how feeble I am. Beulah, I +want to know whether--" + +"You were told to keep quiet, so don't ask any questions, for I will +not answer one." + +"You are not to sit up to-night; the doctor said I would not require +it." + +"Let the doctor go back to the North and theorize in his medical +conventions! I shall sleep here by your bed, on this couch. If you +feel worse, call me. Now, good-night; and don't open your lips +again." She drew the couch close to the bed, and, shading the lamp, +threw her weary frame down to rest; ere long she slept. The +pestilential storm had spent its fury. Daily the number of deaths +diminished; gradually the pall of silence and desolation which had +hung over the city vanished. The streets resumed their usual busy +aspect, and the hum of life went forward once more. At length +fugitive families ventured home again; and though bands of crape, +grim badges of bereavement, met the eye on all sides, all rejoiced +that Death had removed his court--that his hideous carnival was +over. Clara regained her strength very slowly; and when well enough +to quit her room, walked with the slow, uncertain step of +feebleness. On the last day of October she entered Beulah's +apartment, and languidly approached the table, where the latter was +engaged in drawing. + +"Always at work! Beulah, you give yourself no rest. Day and night +you are constantly busy." + +Apparently this remark fell on deaf ears; for, without replying, +Beulah lifted her drawing, looked at it intently, turned it round +once or twice, and then resumed her crayon. + +"What a hideous countenance! Who is it?" continued Clara. + +"Mors." + +"She is horrible! Where did you ever see anything like it?" + +"During the height of the epidemic I fell asleep for a few seconds, +and dreamed that Mors was sweeping down, with extended arms, to +snatch you. By the clock I had not slept quite two minutes, yet the +countenance of Mors was indelibly stamped on my memory, and now I am +transferring it to paper. You are mistaken; it is terrible, but not +hideous!" Beulah laid aside her pencil, and, leaning her elbows on +the table, sat, with her face in her hands, gazing upon the drawing. +It represented the head and shoulders of a winged female; the +countenance was inflexible, grim, and cadaverous. The large, lurid +eyes had an owlish stare; and the outspread pinions, black as night, +made the wan face yet more livid by contrast. The extended hands +were like those of a skeleton. + +"What strange fancies you have! It makes the blood curdle in my +veins to look at that awful countenance," said Clara shudderingly. + +"I cannot draw it as I saw it in my dream! Cannot do justice to my +ideal Mors!" answered Beulah, in a discontented tone, as she took up +the crayon and retouched the poppies which clustered in the sable +locks. + +"For Heaven's sake, do not attempt to render it any more horrible! +Put it away, and finish this lovely Greek face. Oh, how I envy you +your talent for music and drawing! Nature gifted you rarely!" + +"No! she merely gave me an intense love of beauty, which constantly +impels me to embody, in melody or coloring, the glorious images +which the contemplation of beauty creates in my soul. Alas! I am not +a genius. If I were I might hope to achieve an immortal renown. +Gladly would I pay its painful and dangerous price!" She placed the +drawing of Mors in her portfolio and began to touch lightly an +unfinished head of Sappho. + +"Ah, Clara, how connoisseurs would carp at this portrait of the +'Lesbian Muse'! My guardian, for one, would sneer, superbly." + +"Why, pray? It is perfectly beautiful!" + +"Because, forsooth, it is no low-browed, swarthy Greek. I have a +penchant for high, broad, expansive foreheads, which are +antagonistic to all the ancient models of beauty. Low foreheads +characterize the antique; but who can fancy 'violet-crowned, +immortal Sappho,' + + "'With that gloriole + Of ebon hair, on calmed brows,' + +other than I have drawn her!" She held up the paper, and smiled +triumphantly. + +In truth, it was a face of rare loveliness; of oval outline, with +delicate yet noble features, whose expression seemed the reflex of +the divine afflatus. The uplifted eyes beamed with the radiance of +inspiration; the full, ripe lips were just parted; the curling hair +clustered with child-like simplicity round the classic head; and the +exquisitely formed hands clasped a lyre. + +"Beulah, don't you think the eyes are most too wild?" suggested +Clara timidly. + +"What? for a poetess! Remember poesy hath madness in it," answered +Beulah, still looking earnestly at her drawing. + +"Madness? What do you mean?" + +"Just what I say. I believe poetry to be the highest and purest +phase of insanity. Those finely strung, curiously nervous natures +that you always find coupled with poetic endowments, are +characterized by a remarkable activity of the mental organs; and +this continued excitement and premature development of the brain +results in a disease which, under this aspect, the world offers +premiums for. Though I enjoy a fine poem as much as anybody, I +believe, in nine cases out of ten, it is the spasmodic vent of a +highly nervous system, overstrained, diseased. Yes, diseased! If it +does not result in the frantic madness of Lamb, or the final +imbecility of Southey, it is manifested in various other forms, such +as the morbid melancholy of Cowper, the bitter misanthropy of Pope, +the abnormal moodiness and misery of Byron, the unsound and +dangerous theories of Shelley, and the strange, fragmentary nature +of Coleridge." + +"Oh, Beulah! what a humiliating theory! The poet placed on an +ignominious level with the nervous hypochondriac! You are the very +last person I should suppose guilty of entertaining such a degraded +estimate of human powers," interposed Clara energetically. + +"I know it is customary to rave about Muses, and Parnassus, and +Helicon, and to throw the charitable mantle of 'poetic +idiosyncrasies' over all those dark spots on poetic disks. All +conceivable and inconceivable eccentricities are pardoned, as the +usual concomitants of genius; but, looking into the home lives of +many of the most distinguished poets, I have been painfully +impressed with the truth of my very unpoetic theory. Common sense +has arraigned before her august tribunal some of the socalled +'geniuses' of past ages, and the critical verdict is that much of +the famous 'fine frenzy' was bona-fide frenzy of a sadder nature." + +"Do you think that Sappho's frenzy was established by the Leucadian +leap?" + +"You confound the poetess with a Sappho who lived later, and threw +herself into the sea from the promontory of Leucate. Doubtless she +too had 'poetic idiosyncrasies'; but her spotless life and, I +believe, natural death, afford no indication of an unsound +intellect. It is rather immaterial, however, to--" Beulah paused +abruptly as a servant entered and approached the table, saying: + +"Miss Clara, Dr. Hartwell is in the parlor and wishes to see you." + +"To see me!" repeated Clara in surprise, while a rosy tinge stole +into her wan face; "to see me! No! It must be you, Beulah." + +"He said Miss Sanders," persisted the servant, and Clara left the +room. + +Beulah looked after her with an expression of some surprise; then +continued penciling the chords of Sappho's lyre. A few minutes +elapsed, and Clara returned with flushed cheeks and a smile of +trembling joyousness. + +"Beulah, do pin my mantle on straight. I am in such a hurry. Only +think how kind Dr. Hartwell is; he has come to take me out to ride; +says I look too pale, and he thinks a ride will benefit me. That +will do, thank you." + +She turned away, but Beulah rose and called out: + +"Come back here and get my velvet mantle. It is quite cool, and it +will be a marvelous piece of management to ride out for your health +and come home with a cold. What! no gloves either! Upon my word, +your thoughts must be traveling over the bridge Shinevad." + +"Sure enough; I had forgotten my gloves; I will get them as I go +down. Good-by." With the mantle on her arm she hurried away. + +Beulah laid aside her drawing materials and prepared for her +customary evening walk. Her countenance was clouded, her lip +unsteady. Her guardian's studied coldness and avoidance pained her, +but it was not this which saddened her now. She felt that Clara was +staking the happiness of her life on the dim hope that her +attachment would be returned. She pitied the delusion and dreaded +the awakening to a true insight into his nature; to a consciousness +of the utter uncongeniality which, she fancied, barred all thought +of such a union. As she walked on these reflections gave place to +others entirely removed from Clara and her guardian; and, on +reaching the grove of pines opposite the asylum, where she had so +often wandered in days gone by, she paced slowly up and down the +"arched aisles," as she was wont to term them. It was a genuine +October afternoon, cool and sunny. The delicious haze of Indian +summer wrapped every distant object in its soft, purple veil; the +dim vistas of the forest ended in misty depths; the very air, in its +dreamy languor, resembled the atmosphere which surrounded + + "The mild-eyed, melancholy lotus-eaters" + +of the far East. Through the openings, pale, golden poplars shook +down their dying leaves, and here and there along the ravine crimson +maples gleamed against the background of dark green pines. In every +direction bright-colored leaves, painted with "autumnal hectic," +strewed the bier of the declining year. Beulah sat down on a tuft of +moss, and gathered clusters of golden-rod and purple and white +asters. She loved these wild wood-flowers much more than gaudy +exotics or rare hothouse plants. They linked her with the days of +her childhood, and now each graceful spray of golden-rod seemed a +wand of memory calling up bygone joys, griefs, and fancies. Ah, what +a hallowing glory invests our past, beckoning us back to the haunts +of the olden time! The paths our childish feet trod seem all angel- +guarded and thornless; the songs we sang then sweep the harp of +memory, making magical melody; the words carelessly spoken now +breathe a solemn, mysterious import; and faces that early went down +to the tomb smile on us still with unchanged tenderness. Aye, the +past, the long past, is all fairyland. Where our little feet were +bruised we now see only springing flowers; where childish lips drank +from some Marab verdure and garlands woo us back. Over the rustling +leaves a tiny form glided to Beulah's side; a pure infantine face +with golden curls looked up at her, and a lisping voice of unearthly +sweetness whispered in the autumn air. Here she had often brought +Lilly and filled her baby fingers with asters and goldenrod; and +gathered bright scarlet leaves to please her childish fancy. Bitter +waves had broken over her head since then; shadows had gathered +about her heart. Oh, how far off were the early years! How changed +she was; how different life and the world seemed to her now! The +flowery meadows were behind her, with the vestibule of girlhood, and +now she was a woman, with no ties to link her with any human being; +alone, and dependent only on herself. Verily she might have +exclaimed in the mournful words of Lamb: + + "All, all are gone, the old familiar faces." + +She sat looking at the wild flowers in her hand; a sad, dreamy light +filled the clear gray eyes, and now and then her brow was plowed by +some troubled thought. The countenance told of a mind perplexed and +questioning. The "cloud no bigger than a man's hand" had crept up +from the horizon of faith, and now darkened her sky; but she would +not see the gathering gloom; shut her eyes resolutely to the coming +storm. As the cool October wind stirred the leaves at her feet, and +the scarlet and gold cloud-flakes faded in the west, she rose and +walked slowly homeward. She was too deeply pondering her speculative +doubts to notice Dr. Hartwell's buggy whirling along the street; did +not see his head extended, and his cold, searching glance; and of +course he believed the blindness intentional and credited it to +pique or anger. On reaching home she endeavored by singing a +favorite hymn to divert the current of her thoughts, but the shadows +were growing tenacious and would not be banished so easily. "If a +man die shall he live again?" seemed echoing on the autumn wind. She +took up her Bible and read several chapters, which she fancied would +uncloud her mind; but in vain. Restlessly she began to pace the +floor; the lamplight gleamed on a pale, troubled face. After a time +the door opened and Clara came in. She took a seat without speaking, +for she had learned to read Beulah's countenance, and saw at a +glance that she was abstracted and in no mood for conversation. When +the tea bell rang Beulah stopped suddenly in the middle of the room. + +"What is the matter?" asked Clara. + +"I feel as if I needed a cup of coffee, that is all. Will you join +me?" + +"No; and if you take it you will not be able to close your eyes." + +"Did you have a pleasant ride?" said Beulah, laying her hand on her +companion's shoulder and looking gravely down into the sweet face, +which wore an expression she had never seen there before. + +"Oh, I shall never forget it! never!" murmured Clara. + +"I am glad you enjoyed it; very glad. I wish the color would come +back to your cheeks. Riding is better for you now than walking." She +stooped down and pressed her lips to the wan cheek as she spoke. + +"Did you walk this evening, after I left you?" + +"Yes." + +"What makes you look so grave?" + +"A great many causes--you among the number." + +"What have I done?" + +"You are not so strong as I should like to see you. You have a sort +of spiritual look that I don't at all fancy." + +"I dare say I shall soon be well again." This was said with an +effort, and a sigh quickly followed. + +Beulah rang the bell for a cup of coffee, and, taking down a book, +drew her chair near the lamp. + +"What! studying already?" cried Clara impatiently. + +"And why not? Life is short at best, and rarely allows time to +master all departments of knowledge. Why should I not seize every +spare moment?" + +"Oh, Beulah! though you are so much younger, you awe me. I told your +guardian to-day that you were studying yourself into a mere shadow. +He smiled, and said you were too willful to be advised. You talk to +me about not looking well! You never have had any color, and lately +you have grown very thin and hollow-eyed. I asked the doctor if he +did not think you were looking ill, and he said that you had changed +very much since the summer. Beulah, for my sake, please don't pore +over your books so incessantly." She took Beulah's hand gently in +both hers. + +"Want of color is as constitutional with me as the shape of my nose. +I have always been pale, and study has no connection with it. Make +yourself perfectly easy on my account." + +"You are very willful, as your guardian says!" cried Clara +impatiently. + +"Yes; that is like my sallow complexion--constitutional," answered +Beulah, laughing, and opening a volume of Carlyle as she spoke. + +"Oh, Beulah, I don't know what will become of you!" Tears sprang +into Clara's eyes. + +"Do not be at all uneasy, my dear, dove-eyed Clara. I can take care +of myself." + + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + + +It was the middle of November, and the absentees who had spent their +summer at the North were all at home again. Among these were Mrs. +Asbury and her two daughters; and only a few days after their return +they called to see Beulah. She found them polished, cultivated, and +agreeable; and when, at parting, the mother kindly pressed her hand +and cordially invited her to visit them often and sociably, she felt +irresistibly drawn toward her, and promised to do so. Ere long there +came a friendly note, requesting her to spend the evening with them; +and thus, before she had known them many weeks, Beulah found herself +established on the familiar footing of an old friend. Universally +esteemed and respected, Dr. Asbury's society was sought by the most +refined circle of the city, and his house was a favorite resort for +the intellectual men and women of the community. Occupying an +enviable position in his profession, he still found leisure to +devote much of his attention to strictly literary topics, and the +honest frankness and cordiality of his manners, blended with the +instructive tone of his conversation, rendered him a general +favorite. Mrs. Asbury merited the elevated position which she so +ably filled as the wife of such a man. While due attention was given +to the education and rearing of her daughters, she admirably +discharged the claims of society, and, by a consistent adherence to +the principles of the religion she professed, checked by every means +within her power the frivolous excesses and dangerous extremes which +prevailed throughout the fashionable circles in which she moved. +Zealously, yet unostentatiously, she exerted herself in behalf of +the various charitable institutions organized to ameliorate the +sufferings of the poor in their midst; and while as a Christian she +conformed to the outward observances of her church, she faithfully +inculcated and practiced at home the pure precepts of a religion +whose effects should be the proper regulation of the heart and +charity toward the world. Her parlors were not the favorite +rendezvous where gossips met to retail slander. Refined, dignified, +gentle, and hospitable, she was a woman too rarely, alas! met with, +in so-called fashionable circles. Her husband's reputation secured +them the acquaintance of all distinguished strangers, and made their +house a great center of attraction. Beulah fully enjoyed and +appreciated the friendship thus tendered her, and soon looked upon +Dr. Asbury and his noble wife as counselors to whom in any emergency +she could unhesitatingly apply. They based their position in society +on their own worth, not the extrinsic appendages of wealth and +fashion, and readily acknowledged the claims of all who (however +humble their abode or avocation) proved themselves worthy of respect +and esteem. In their intercourse with the young teacher there was an +utter absence of that contemptible supercilious condescension which +always characterizes an ignorant and parvenu aristocracy. They +treated her as an equal in intrinsic worth, and prized her as a +friend. Helen Asbury was older than Beulah and Georgia somewhat +younger. They were sweet-tempered, gay girls, lacking their parent's +intellectual traits, but sufficiently well-informed and cultivated +to constitute them agreeable companions. Of their father's extensive +library they expressed themselves rather afraid, and frequently +bantered Beulah about the grave books she often selected from it. +Beulah found her school duties far less irksome than she had +expected, for she loved children, and soon became interested in the +individual members of her classes. From eight o'clock until three +she was closely occupied; then the labors of the day were over, and +she spent her evenings much as she had been wont ere the opening of +the session. Thus November glided quickly away, and the first of +December greeted her ere she dreamed of its approach. The Grahams +had not returned, though daily expected; and, notwithstanding two +months had elapsed without Eugene's writing, she looked forward with +intense pleasure to his expected arrival. There was one source of +constant pain for her in Dr. Hartwell's continued and complete +estrangement. Except a cold, formal bow in passing there was no +intercourse whatever; and she sorrowed bitterly over this seeming +indifference in one to whom she owed so much and was so warmly +attached. Remotely connected with this cause of disquiet was the +painful change in Clara. Like a lily suddenly transplanted to some +arid spot, she had seemed to droop since the week of her ride. +Gentle, but hopeless and depressed, she went, day after day, to her +duties at Madam St. Cymon's school, and returned at night wearied, +silent, and wan. Her step grew more feeble, her face thinner and +paler. Often Beulah gave up her music and books, and devoted the +evenings to entertaining and interesting her; but there was a +constraint and reserve about her which could not be removed. + +One evening, on returning from a walk with Helen Asbury, Beulah ran +into her friend's room with a cluster of flowers. Clara sat by the +fire, with a piece of needlework in her hand; she looked listless +and sad. Beulah threw the bright golden and crimson chrysanthemums +in her lap, and, stooping down, kissed her warmly, saying: + +"How is your troublesome head? Here is a flowery cure for you." + +"My head does not ache quite so badly. Where did you find these +beautiful chrysanthemums?" answered Clara languidly. + +"I stopped to get a piece of music from Georgia, and Helen cut them +for me. Oh, what blessed things flowers are! They have been well +styled, 'God's undertones of encouragement to the children of +earth.'" + +She was standing on the hearth, warming her fingers. Clara looked up +at the dark, clear eye and delicate, fixed lips before her, and +sighed involuntarily. Beulah knelt on the carpet, and, throwing one +arm around her companion, said earnestly: + +"My dear Clara, what saddens you to-night? Can't you tell me?" + +A hasty knock at the door gave no time for an answer. A servant +looked in. + +"Is Miss Beulah Benton here? There is a gentleman in the parlor to +see her; here is the card." + +Beulah still knelt on the floor and held out her hand indifferently. +The card was given, and she sprang up with a cry of joy. + +"Oh, it is Eugene!" + +At the door of the parlor she paused and pressed her hand tightly to +her bounding heart. A tall form stood before the grate, and a glance +discovered to her a dark mustache and heavy beard; still it must be +Eugene, and, extending her arms unconsciously, she exclaimed: + +"Eugene! Eugene! Have you come at last?" + +He started, looked up, and hastened toward her. Her arms suddenly +dropped to her side, and only their hands met in a firm, tight +clasp. For a moment they gazed at each other in silence, each noting +the changes which time had wrought. Then he said slowly: + +"I should not have known you, Beulah. You have altered +surprisingly." His eyes wandered wonderingly over her features. She +was pale and breathless; her lips trembled violently, and there was +a strange gleam in her large, eager eyes. She did not reply, but +stood looking up intently into his handsome face. Then she shivered; +the long, black lashes drooped; her white fingers relaxed their +clasp of his, and she sat down on the sofa near. Ah! her womanly +intuitions, infallible as Ithuriel's spear, told her that he was no +longer the Eugene she had loved so devotedly. An iron hand seemed to +clutch her heart, and again a shudder crept over her as he seated +himself beside her, saying: + +"I am very much pained to find you here. I am just from Dr. +Hartwell's, where I expected to see you." + +He paused, for something about her face rather disconcerted him, and +he took her hand again in his. + +"How could you expect to find me there, after reading my last +letter?" + +"I still hoped that your good sense would prevent your taking such +an extraordinary step." + +She smiled icily, and answered: + +"Is it so extraordinary, then, that I should desire to maintain my +self-respect?" + +"It would not have been compromised by remaining where you were." + +"I should scorn myself were I willing to live idly on the bounty of +one upon whom I have no claim." + +"You are morbidly fastidious, Beulah." + +Her eyes flashed, and, snatching her hand from his, she asked, with +curling lips: "Eugene, if I prefer to teach for a support, why +should you object?" + +"Simply because you are unnecessarily lowering yourself in the +estimation of the community. You will find that the circle which a +residence under Dr. Hartwell's roof gave you the entree of, will +look down with contempt upon a subordinate teacher in a public +school--" + +"Then, thank Heaven, I am forever shut out from that circle! Is my +merit to be gauged by the cost of my clothes or the number of +fashionable parties I attend, think you?" + +"Assuredly, Beulah, the things you value so lightly are the +standards of worth and gentility in the community you live in, as +you will unfortunately find." + +She looked at him steadily, with grief, and scorn, and wonder in her +deep, searching eyes, as she exclaimed: + +"Oh, Eugene! what has changed you so, since the bygone years when in +the asylum we talked of the future? of laboring, conquering, and +earning homes for ourselves! Oh, has the foul atmosphere of foreign +lands extinguished all your selfrespect? Do you come back sordid and +sycophantic, and the slave of opinions you would once have utterly +detested? Have you narrowed your soul and bowed down before the +miserable standard which every genuine, manly spirit must loathe? +Oh! has it come to this? Has it come to this?" Her voice was broken +and bitter, scalding tears of shame and grief gushed over her +cheeks. + +"This fierce recrimination and unmerited tirade is not exactly the +welcome I was prepared to expect," returned Eugene haughtily; and, +rising, he took his hat from the table. She rose also, but made no +effort to detain him, and leaned her head against the mantelpiece. +He watched her a moment, then approached and put his hand on her +shoulder. + +"Beulah, as a man I see the world and its relations in a far +different light from that in which I viewed it while a boy." + +"It is utterly superfluous to tell me so!" replied Beulah bitterly. + +"I grapple with realities now, and am forced to admit the expediency +of prudent policy. You refuse to see things in their actual +existence and prefer toying with romantic dreams. Beulah, I have +awakened from these since we parted." + +She put up her hand deprecatingly, and answered: + +"Then let me dream on! let me dream on!" + +"Beulah, I have been sadly mistaken in my estimate of your +character. I could not have believed there was so much fierce +obstinacy, so much stubborn pride, in your nature." + +She instantly lifted her head, and their eyes met. Other days came +back to both; early confidence, mutual love and dependence. For a +moment his nobler impulses prevailed, and, with an unsteady lip, he +passed his arm quickly around her. But she drew coldly back, and +said: + +"It seems we are mutually disappointed in each other. I regret that +the discharge of my duty should so far conflict with your opinions +and standard of propriety as to alienate us so completely as it +seems likely to do. All my life I have looked to you for guidance +and counsel; but to-night you have shaken my trust, and henceforth I +must depend upon my own heart to support me in my work. Oh, Eugene! +friend of my childhood! beware lest you sink yourself in your own +estimation! Oh, for days, and months, and years I have pictured the +hour of your return, little dreaming that it would prove one of the +saddest of my life! I have always looked up to you. Oh, Eugene! +Eugene! you are not what you were! Do not! oh, do not make me pity +you! That would kill me!" She covered her face with her hands, and +shuddered convulsively. + +"I am not so changed as you think me," returned Eugene proudly. + +"Then, in earlier years I was miserably deceived in your character. +For the sake of wealth, and what the world calls 'position,' you +have sold yourself. In lieu of his gold and influence Mr. Graham has +your will, your conscience. Ah, Eugene! how can you bear to be a +mere tool in his hands?" + +"Beulah, your language, your insinuations are unpardonable! By +Heaven, no one but yourself might utter them, and not even you can +do so with impunity! If you choose to suffer your foolish pride and +childish whims to debar you from the enviable position in society +which Dr. Hartwell would gladly confer on you--why, you have only +yourself to censure. But my situation in Mr. Graham's family has +long been established. He has ever regarded me as his son, treated +me as such, and as such I feel bound to be guided by him in my +choice of a profession. Beulah, I have loved you well, but such +another exhibition of scorn and bitterness will indeed alienate us. +Since you have set aside my views and counsel in the matter of +teaching, I shall not again refer to it, I promise you. I have no +longer the wish to control your actions, even had I the power. But, +remember, since the hour you stood beside your father's grave, +leaning on me, I have been constantly your friend. My expostulations +were for what I considered your good. Beulah, I am still, to you, +the Eugene of other days. It will be your own fault if the sanctity +of our friendship is not maintained." + +"It shall not be my fault, Eugene." She hastily held out her hand. +He clasped it in his, and, as if dismissing the topics which had +proved so stormy, drew her to a seat, and said composedly: + +"Come, tell me what you have been doing with yourself these long +five years, which have changed you so. I have heard already of your +heroism in nursing the sick, during the late awful season of +pestilence and death." + +For an hour they talked on indifferent themes, each feeling that the +other was veiling the true impulses of the heart, and finally Eugene +rose to go. + +"How is Cornelia's health now?" asked Beulah, as they stood up +before the fire. + +"About the same. She never complains, but does not look like +herself. Apropos! she intrusted a note to me, for you, which I had +quite forgotten. Here it is. Miss Dupres is with her for the winter; +at least, a part of it. Cornelia will come and see you in a day or +two, she requested me to say; and I do hope, Beulah, that you will +visit her often; she has taken a great fancy to you." + +"How long since?" answered Beulah, with an incredulous smile. + +"Since she met you at a concert, I believe. By the way, we are very +musical at our house, and promise ourselves some delightful evenings +this winter. You must hear Antoinette Dupres sing; she is equal to +the best prima-donna of Italy. Do you practice much?" + +"Yes." + +"Well, I must go. When shall I see you again?" + +"Whenever you feel disposed to come; and I hope that will be often. +Eugene, you were a poor correspondent; see that you prove a better +visitor." + +"Yes, I will. I have a thousand things to say, but scarcely know +where to commence. You are always at home in the evenings, I +suppose?" + +"Yes: except occasionally when I am with the Asburys." + +"Do you see much of them?" + +"Yes; a good deal." + +"I am glad to hear it; they move in the very first circle. Now, +Beulah, don't be offended if I ask what is the matter with Dr. +Hartwell? How did you displease him?" + +"Just as I displeased you; by deciding to teach. Eugene, it pains me +very much that he should treat me as he does, but it is utterly out +of my power to rectify the evil." + +"He told me that he knew nothing of your movements or plans. I wish, +for your sake, you could be reconciled." + +"We will be some day. I must wait patiently," said she, with a sigh. + +"Beulah, I don't like that troubled look about your mouth. What is +the matter? Can I in any way remove it? It is connected with me, +even remotely? My dear Beulah, do not shrink from me." + +"Nothing is the matter that you can rectify," said she gravely. + +"Something is the matter, then, which I may not know?" + +"Yes." + +"And you will not trust me?" + +"It is not a question of trust, Eugene." + +"You think I cannot help you?" + +"You cannot help me, I am sure." "Well, I will see you again to- +morrow; till then, good-by." They shook hands, and she went back to +her own room. Cornelia's note contained an invitation to spend the +next evening with them; she would call as soon as possible. She put +it aside, and, throwing her arms on the mantelpiece, bowed her head +upon them. This, then, was the hour which, for five years, she had +anticipated as an occasion of unmixed delight. She was not weeping; +no, the eyes were dry and the lips firmly fixed. She was thinking of +the handsome face which a little while before was beside her; +thinking, with keen agony, of footprints there which she had never +dreamed of seeing; they were very slight, yet unmistakable--the fell +signet of dissipation. Above all, she read it in the eyes, which +once looked so fearlessly into hers. She knew he did not imagine for +an instant that she suspected it; and of all the bitter cups which +eighteen years had proffered, this was by far the blackest. It was +like a hideous dream, and she groaned, and passed her hand over her +brow, as if to sweep it all away. Poor Beulah! the idol of her +girlhood fell from its pedestal and lay in crumbling ruins at her +feet. In this hour of reunion she saw clearly into her own heart; +she did not love him, save as a friend, as a brother. She was forced +to perceive her own superiority; could she love a man whom she did +not revere? Verily, she felt now that she did not love Eugene. There +was a feeling of contempt for his weakness, yet she could not bear +to see him other than she had hoped. How utterly he had disappointed +her? Could it be possible that he had fallen so low as to dissipate +habitually? This she would not believe; he was still too noble for +such a disgraceful course. She felt a soft touch on her shoulder, +and raised her sad, tearless face. Clara, with her ethereal, +spiritual countenance, stood on the hearth. "Do I disturb you?" said +she timidly. + +"No; I am glad you came. I was listening to cold, bitter, bitter +thoughts. Sit down, Clara; you look fatigued." + +"Oh, Beulah! I am weary in body and spirit; I have no energy; my +very existence is a burden to me." + +"Clara, it is weak to talk so. Rouse yourself, and fulfill the +destiny for which you were created." + +"I have no destiny but that of loneliness and misery." + +"Our situations are similar, yet I never repine as you do." + +"You have not the same cause. You are self-reliant; need no society +to conduce to your happiness; your heart is bound up in your books." + +"Where yours had better have been," answered Beulah. She walked +across the floor several times, then said impressively, as she threw +her arm round Clara's waist: + +"Crush it; crush it; if you crush your heart in the effort." + +A moan escaped Clara's lips, and she hid her face against her +friend's shoulder. + +"I have known it since the night of your grandfather's death. If you +want to be happy and useful, crush it out of your heart." + +"I have tried, and cannot." + +"Oh, but you can! I tell you there is nothing a woman cannot do, +provided she puts on the armor of duty and unsheathes the sword of a +strong, unbending will. Of course, you can do it, if you will." + +"Wait till you feel as I do, Beulah, and it will not seem so light a +task." + +"That will never happen. If I live till the next geological period I +never shall love anybody as insanely as you love. Why, Clara, don't +you see that you are wrecking your happiness? What strange +infatuation has seized you?" + +"I know now that it is perfectly hopeless," said Clara calmly. + +"You might have known it from the first." + +"No; it is but recently that the barrier has risen." + +"What barrier?" asked Beulah curiously. + +"For Heaven's sake, Beulah, do not mock me! You know too well what +separates us." + +"Yes; utter uncongeniality." + +Clara raised her head, looked into the honest face before her, and +answered: + +"If that were all, I could yet hope to merit his love; but you know +that is not so. You must know that he has no love to bestow." + +Beulah's face seemed instantly steeled. A grayish hue crept over it; +and, drawing her slender form to its full height, she replied, with +haughty coldness: + +"What do you mean? I can only conjecture." + +"Beulah, you know he loves you!" cried Clara, with a strangely quiet +smile. + +"Clara Sanders, never say that again as long as you live; for there +is not the shadow of truth in it." + +"Ah, I would not believe it till it was forced upon me. The heart +bars itself a long time to painful truths! I have looked at you, and +wondered whether you could be ignorant of what I saw so clearly. I +believe you are honest in what you say. I know that you are; but it +is nevertheless true. I saw it the evening I went to ride. He loves +you, whether you see it or not. And, moreover, the world has begun +to join your names. I have heard, more than once, that he educated +you with the intention of marrying you; and recently it has been +rumored that the marriage would take place very soon. Do not be hurt +with me, Beulah! I think it is right that you should know all this." + +"It is utterly false from beginning to end! He never had such a +thought! never! never!" cried Beulah, striking her clenched hand +heavily on the table. + +"Why, then, was he so anxious to prevent your teaching?" + +"Because he is generous and kind, and fancied it was a life of +hardship, which I could escape by accepting his offer to adopt me. +Your supposition is perfectly ridiculous. He is double my age. A +stern, taciturn man. What could possibly attract him to one whom he +looks upon as a mere child? And, moreover, he is a worshiper of +beauty! Now, it is an indisputable fact that I am anything but a +beauty! Oh, the idea is absurd beyond all degree. Never mention it +to me again. I tell you solemnly, Clara, your jealous fancy has run +away with your common sense." + +A sad, incredulous smile flitted over Clara's face; but she made no +reply. + +"Clara, rouse yourself from this weak dream. Oh, where is your +pride--your womanly pride--your self-respect? Is your life to be +aimless and dreary because of an unrequited attachment? Shake it +off! Rise above it! Destroy it! Oh, it makes the blood tingle in my +veins to think of your wasting your energies and hopes in love for +one who is so utterly indifferent to you. Much as I love you, Clara, +had I the power to make you his wife to-morrow, I would rather see +you borne to your grave. You know nothing of his fitful, moody +nature; his tyrannical will. You could not be happy with him; you +would see how utterly unsuited you are." + +"Are you acquainted with the circumstances of his early life and +ill-fated marriage?" asked Clara, in a low, passionless tone. + +"No; he never alluded to his marriage in any way. Long as I lived in +his house there was no mention of his wife's name, and I should +never have known of his marriage but from his sister." + +"It was a most unhappy marriage," said Clara musingly. + +"So I conjectured from his studious avoidance of all allusion to +it." + +"His wife was very, very beautiful; I saw her once when I was a +child," continued Clara. + +"Of course she must have been, for he could not love one who was +not." + +"She lived but a few months; yet even in that short time they had +become utterly estranged, and she died of a broken heart. There is +some mystery connected with it; they were separated." + +"Separated!" cried Beulah in amazement. + +"Yes, separated; she died in New Orleans, I believe." + +"And yet you profess to love him! A man who broke his wife's heart," +said Beulah, with a touch of scorn. + +"No; you do his noble nature injustice. He is incapable of such a +course. Even a censorious world acquitted him of unkindness." + +"And heaped contumely on the unhappy victim, eh?" rejoined Beulah. + +"Her conduct was not irreproachable, it has been whispered." + +"Aye, whispered by slanderous tongues! Not openly avowed, to admit +of denial and refutation! I wonder the curse of Gomorrah does not +descend on this gossiping, libelous community." + +"No one seems to know anything definite about the affair; though I +have often heard it commented upon and wondered over." + +"Clara, let it be buried henceforth. Neither you nor I have any +right to discuss and censure what neither of us know anything about. +Dr. Hartwell has been my best and truest friend. I love and honor +him; his faults are his own, and only his Maker has the right to +balance his actions. Once for all, let the subject drop." Beulah +compressed her lips with an expression which her companion very well +understood. Soon after the latter withdrew, and, leaning her arms on +the table near her, Beulah sank into a reverie which was far from +pleasant. Dismissing the unsatisfactory theme of her guardian's +idiosyncrasies, her thoughts immediately reverted to Eugene, and the +revolution which five years had effected in his character. + +In the afternoon of the following day she was engaged with her +drawing, when a succession of quick raps at her door forced an +impatient "Come in" from her lips. The door opened, and she rose +involuntarily as the queenly form of Cornelia Graham stood before +her. With a slow, stately tread she approached, and, extending her +hand, said unconcernedly: + +"I have waived ceremony, you see, and come up to your room." + +"How are you?" said Beulah, as they shook hands and seated +themselves. + +"Just as usual. How did you contrive to escape the plague?" + +"By resolving not to have it, I believe." + +"You have a wan, sickly look, I think." + +"So have you, I am sure. I hoped that you would come home strong and +well." Beulah noted, with a feeling of compassion, the thin, hollow +cheeks and sunken, yet burning, eyes before her. Cornelia bit her +lip, and asked haughtily: + +"Who told you that I was not well?" + +"Your countenance would tell me, if I had never heard it from +others," replied Beulah, with an instantaneous recollection of her +guardian's warning. + +"Did you receive my note yesterday?" + +"Yes. I am obliged by your invitation, but cannot accept it." + +"So I supposed, and therefore came to make sure of you. You are too +proud to come until all the family call upon you, eh?" + +"No; only people who consider themselves inferior are on the watch +for slights, and scrupulously exact the minutest requirements of +etiquette. On the plane of equality these barriers melt away." + +As Beulah spoke she looked steadily into the searching, black eyes, +which seemed striving to read her soul. An expression of pleasure +lighted the sallow face, and the haughty lines about the beautiful +mouth melted into a half-smile. + +"Then you have not forgiven my rudeness during early schooldays?" + +"I had nothing to forgive. I had forgotten the affair until you +spoke." + +"Then, why will you not come?" + +"For reasons which would not be removed by a recapitulation." + +"And you positively will not come?" + +"Not this evening. Another time I certainly will come with +pleasure." + +"Say to-morrow, then." + +"To-morrow I shall be engaged." + +"Where? Excuse my pertinacity." + +"At Dr. Asbury's. I have promised to practice some duets with +Helen." + +"Do you play well, Beulah? Are you a good musician?" + +"Yes." + +Cornelia mused a moment, and then said slowly, as if watching the +effect of her question: + +"You have seen Eugene, of course?" + +"Yes." + +"He has changed very much in his appearance, has he not?" + +"More than I was prepared to expect." + +"He is to be a merchant, like my father." + +"So he wrote me." + +"You endeavored to dissuade him from complying with my father's +wishes, did you not?" + +"Yes; most earnestly," answered Beulah gravely. + +"Beulah Benton, I like you! You are honest indeed. At last I find +one who is." With a sudden impulse she laid her white, jeweled hand +on Beulah's. + +"Is honesty, or, rather, candor, so very rare, Cornelia?" + +"Come out from your 'loop-hole of retreat,' into the world, and you +can easily answer your own question." + +"You seem to have looked on human nature through misanthropic +lenses." + +"Yes; I bought a pair of spectacles, for which I paid a most +exorbitant price! but they were labeled 'experience'!" She smiled +frigidly. + +"You do not seem to have enjoyed your tour particularly." + +"Yes, I did; but one is glad to rest sometimes. I may yet prove a +second Bayard Taylor, notwithstanding. I should like you for a +companion. You would not sicken me with stereotyped nonsense." + +Her delicate fingers folded themselves about Beulah's, who could not +bring herself to withdraw her hand. + +"And, sure enough, you would not be adopted? Do you mean to adhere +to your determination, and maintain yourself by teaching?" + +"I do." + +"And I admire you for it! Beulah, you must get over your dislike to +me." + +"I do not dislike you, Cornelia." + +"Thank you for your negative preference," returned Cornelia, rather +amused at her companion's straightforward manner. Then, with a +sudden contraction of her brow, she added: + +"I am not so bearish as they give me credit for?" + +"I never heard you called so." + +"Ah! that is because you do not enter the enchanted circle of 'our +clique.' During morning calls I am flattered, cajoled, and fawned +upon. Their carriages are not out of hearing before my friends and +admirers, like hungry harpies, pounce upon my character, manners, +and appearance, with most laudable zest and activity. Wait till you +have been initiated into my coterie of fashionable friends! Why, the +battle of Marengo was a farce in comparison with the havoc they can +effect in the space of a morning among the characters of their +select visiting list! What a precious age of backbiting we city +belles live in!" She spoke with an air of intolerable scorn. + +"As a prominent member of this circle, why do you not attempt to +rectify this spreading evil? You might effect lasting good." + +"I am no Hercules, to turn the Peneus of reform through the Augean +realms of society," answered Cornelia, with an impatient gesture; +and, rising, she drew on her glove. Beulah looked up at her, and +pitied the joyless, cynical nature, which gave an almost repulsively +austere expression to the regular, faultless features. + +"Beulah, will you come on Saturday morning and spend an hour or so +with me?" + +"No; I have a music lesson to give; but if you will be at home in +the afternoon, I will come with pleasure." + +"I shall expect you, then. You were drawing when I came in; are you +fond of it?" As she spoke she took up a piece which was nearly +completed. + +"Yes; but you will find my sketches very crude." + +"Who taught you to draw?" + +"I have had several teachers. All rather indifferent, however." + +"Where did you see a St. Cecilia? There is too much breadth of brow +here," continued Cornelia, with a curious glance at the young +teacher. + +"Yes; I deviated from the original intentionally. I copied it from a +collection of heads which Georgia Asbury brought from the North." + +"I have a number of choice paintings, which I selected in Europe. +Any that you may fancy are at your service for models." + +"Thank you. I shall be glad to avail myself of the privilege." + +"Good-by. You will come Saturday?" + +"Yes; if nothing occurs to prevent, I will come in the afternoon." +Beulah pressed her offered hand, and saw her descend the steps with +a feeling of pity which she could not exactly analyze. Passing by +the window, she glanced down, and paused to look upon an elegant +carriage standing before the door. The day was cold, but the top was +thrown back, and on one of the cushions sat, or, rather, reclined, a +richly dressed and very beautiful girl. As Beulah leaned out to +examine the lovely stranger more closely Cornelia appeared. The +driver opened the low door, and, as Cornelia stepped in, the young +lady, who was Miss Dupres, of course, ejaculated rather peevishly: + +"You stayed an age!" + +"Drive down the Bay Road, Wilson," was Cornelia's reply, and, as she +folded her rich cloak about her, the carriage was whirled away. + +Beulah went back to the fire, warmed her fingers, and resumed her +drawing, thinking that she would not willingly change places with +the petted child of wealth and luxury. + + + + +CHAPTER XX. + + +It was a dreary Saturday afternoon, but Beulah wrapped a warm shawl +about her, and set out to pay the promised visit. The air was damp +and raw, and leaden, marbled clouds hung in the sky. Mr. Graham's +house was situated in the fashionable part of the city, near Mr. +Grayson's residence, and, as Beulah passed the crouching lions, she +quickened her steps, to escape the painful reminiscences which they +recalled. In answer to her ring, the servant ushered her into the +parlors, furnished with almost Oriental magnificence, and was +retiring, when she gave her name. + +"You are Miss Benton, then. I have orders to show you up at once to +Miss Cornelia's room. She has seen no visitors today. This way, +miss, if you please." + +He led the way, up an easy, spiral flight of steps, to the door of a +room, which he threw open. Cornelia was sitting in a large cushioned +chair by the fire, with a papier-mache writing-desk beside her, +covered with letters. There was a bright fire in the grate, and the +ruddy haze, together with the reflection from the crimson damask +curtains, gave a dim, luxurious aspect to the chamber, which in +every respect betokened the fastidious taste of a petted invalid. +Clad in a dark silk robe-de-chambre, with her cheek pressed against +the blue velvet lining of the chair, Cornelia's face wore a sickly, +sallow hue, which was rendered more palpable by her black, +glittering eyes and jetty hair. She eagerly held out her hand, and a +smile of sincere pleasure parted the lips, which a paroxysm of pain +seemed to have just compressed. + +"It is such a gloomy day I feared you would not come. Take off your +bonnet and shawl." + +"It is not so gloomy out as you imagine," said Beulah. + +"What? not, with dull clouds, and a stiff, raw, northeaster? I +looked out of the window a while since, and the bay looked just as I +have seen the North Sea, gray and cold. Why don't you take off your +bonnet?" + +"Because I can only sit with you a short time," answered Beulah, +resisting the attempt made to take her shawl. + +"Why can't you spend the evening?" said Cornelia, frowning. + +"I promised not to remain more than an hour." + +"Promised whom?" + +"Clara Sanders. She is sick; unable to leave her room; and is lonely +when I am away." + +"My case is analogous; so I will put myself on the charity list for +once. I have not been downstairs for two days." + +"But you have everything to interest you even here," returned +Beulah, glancing around at the numerous paintings and engravings +which were suspended on all sides, while ivory, marble, and bronze +statuettes were scattered in profusion about the room. Cornelia +followed her glance, and asked, with a joyless smile: + +"Do you suppose those bits of stone and canvas satisfy me?" + +"Certainly. 'A thing of beauty should be a joy forever.' With all +these, and your library, surely you are never lonely." + +"Pshaw! they tire me immensely. Sometimes the cramped positions and +unwinking eyes of that 'Holy Family' there over the chimneypiece +make me perfectly nervous." + +"You must be morbidly sensitive at such times." + +"Why? Do you never feel restless and dissatisfied without any +adequate reason?" + +"No, never." + +"And yet you have few sources of pleasure," said Cornelia, in a +musing tone, as her eyes wandered over her visitor's plain attire. + +"No! my sources of enjoyment are as varied and extended as the +universe." + +"I should like you to map them. Shut up all day with a parcel of +rude, stupid children, and released only to be caged again in a +small room in a second-rate boarding house. Really, I should fancy +they were limited indeed." + +"No; I enjoy my brisk walk to school in the morning; the children +are neither so dull nor so bearish as you seem to imagine. I am +attached to many of them, and do not feel the day to be very long. +At three I hurry home, get my dinner, practice, and draw or sew till +the shadows begin to dim my eyes; then I walk until the lamps are +lighted, find numberless things to interest me, even in a winter's +walk, and go back to my room refreshed and eager to get to my books. +Once seated with them, what portion of the earth is there that I may +not visit, from the crystal Arctic temples of Odin and Thor to the +groves of Abyssinia? In this age of travel and cheap books I can sit +in my room in the third story, and, by my lamplight, see all, and +immeasurably more, than you, who have been traveling for eighteen +months. Wherever I go I find sources of enjoyment; even the pictures +in bookstores give me pleasure and contribute food for thought; and +when, as now, I am surrounded by all that wealth can collect, I +admire, and enjoy the beauty and elegance as much as if I owned it +all. So you see that my enjoyments are as varied as the universe +itself." + +"Eureka!" murmured Cornelia, eying her companion curiously, "Eureka! +you shall have the tallest case in the British Museum, or Barnum's, +just as your national antipathies may incline you." + +"What impresses you as so singular in my mode of life?" asked Beulah +rather dryly. + +"Your philosophic contentment, which I believe you are too candid to +counterfeit. Your easy solution of that great human riddle given the +world, to find happiness. The Athenian and Alexandrian schools +dwindle into nothingness. Commend me to your 'categories,' O Queen +of Philosophy." She withdrew her searching eyes, and fixed them +moodily on the fire, twirling the tassel of her robe as she mused. + +"You are most egregiously mistaken, Cornelia, if you have been led +to suppose, from what I said a moment since, that I am never +troubled about anything. I merely referred to enjoyments derived +from various sources, open alike to rich and poor. There are Marahs +hidden in every path; no matter whether the draught is taken in +jeweled goblets or unpolished gourds." + +"Sometimes, then, you are 'blued' most dismally, like the balance of +unphilosophic men and women, eh?" + +"Occasionally my mind is very much perplexed and disturbed; not +exactly 'blued,' as you express it, but dimmed, clouded." + +"What clouds it? Will you tell me?" said Cornelia eagerly. + +"The struggle to see that which I suppose it never was intended I +should see." + +"I don't understand you," said Cornelia, knitting her brows. + +"Nor would you even were I to particularize." + +"Perhaps I am not so very obtuse as you fancy." + +"At any rate, I shall not enter into detail," answered Beulah, +smiling quietly at the effect of her words. + +"Do you ever weary of your books?" Cornelia leaned forward, and bent +a long searching look on her guest's countenance as she spoke. + +"Not of my books; but sometimes, nay, frequently, of the thoughts +they excite." + +"A distinction without a difference," said the invalid coldly. + +"A true distinction, nevertheless," maintained Beulah. + +"Be good enough to explain it then." + +"For instance, I read Carlyle for hours, without the slightest +sensation of weariness. Midnight forces me to lay the book +reluctantly aside, and then the myriad conjectures and inquiries +which I am conscious of, as arising from those same pages, weary me +beyond all degrees of endurance." + +"And these conjectures cloud your mind?" said Cornelia, with a half- +smile breaking over her face. + +"I did not say so; I merely gave it as an illustration of what you +professed not to understand." + +"I see your citadel of reserve and mistrust cannot be carried by +storm," answered Cornelia petulantly. + +Before Beulah could reply, a servant entered, and addressed +Cornelia. + +"Your mother wants to show your Paris hat and veil, and handsomest +point-lace set, to Mrs. Vincent, and Miss Julia says, can't she run +up and see you a minute?" + +A sneering smile accompanied the contemptuous answer, which was +delivered in no particularly gentle manner. + +"This is the second time those 'particular friends' of ours have +called to inspect my winter outfit. Take down my entire wardrobe to +them: dresses, bonnets, mantles, laces, handkerchiefs, ribbons, +shawls--nay, gloves and slippers, for there is a 'new style' of +catch on one, and of bows and buckles on the other. Do you hear me, +Mary? don't leave a rag of my French finery behind. Let the +examination be sufficiently complete this time. Don't forget the +Indian shawl and the opera cloak and hood, nor that ornamental comb, +named after the last popular danseuse; and tell Miss Julia she will +please excuse me--another time I will try to see her. Say I am +engaged." + +Some moments elapsed, during which Mary opened and shut a number of +drawers and boxes, and finally disappeared, staggering beneath a +load of silks, velvets, and laces. As the door closed behind her, +Cornelia smoothed her brow, and said apologetically: + +"Doubtless it seems a mere trifle of accommodation to display all +that mass of finery to their eagerly curious eyes; but I assure you +that, though I have not been at home quite a week, those things have +vacated their places at least twenty times for inspection; and this +ridiculous mania for the 'latest style' disgusts me beyond measure. +I tell you, the majority of the women in this town think of nothing +else. I have not yet looked over my wardrobe myself. Mother selected +it in Paris, and I did not trouble myself to examine it when it was +unpacked." + +Beulah smiled, but offered no comment. Cornelia suddenly sank back +in her chair, and said hastily: + +"Give me that vial on the bureau! Quick! quick!" + +Beulah sprang up and handed her the vial, which she put to her lips. +She was ghastly pale, her features writhed, and heavy drops +glistened on her brow, corrugated by severe pain. + +"Can I do anything for you, Cornelia? Shall I call your mother?" + +"No. You may fan me, if you will." She moaned and closed her eyes. + +Beulah seized a fan, and did as requested, now and then wiping away +the moisture which gathered around the lips and forehead. Gradually +the paroxysm passed off, and, opening her eyes, she said wearily: + +"That will do, thank you. Now pour out a glass of water from the +pitcher yonder." + +Beulah handed her the draught, saying, with surprise: + +"Sitting wrapped up by a fire and drinking ice-water!" + +"Yes; I use ice-water the year round. Please touch the bellrope, +will you?" + +As Beulah resumed her seat, Cornelia added, with a forced laugh: + +"You look as if you pitied me." + +"I do, most sincerely. Do you suffer in this way often?" + +"Yes--no--well, when I am prudent I don't." Then, turning to the +servant, who stood at the door, she continued: "John, go to Dr. +Hartwell's office (not his house, mind you), and leave word that he +must come here before night. Do you understand? Shut the door-stop! +send up some coal!" + +She drew her chair closer to the fire, and, extending her slippered +feet on the marble hearth, said: + +"I have suffered more during the last three days than in six months +before. Last night I did not close my eyes--and Dr. Hartwell must +prepare me some medicine. What is the matter with Clara Sanders? She +looks like an alabaster image!" + +"She has never recovered entirely from that attack of yellow fever; +and a day or two ago she took cold, and has had constant fever +since. I suppose she will see the doctor while I am here. I feel +anxious about her." + +"She looks ethereal, as if refined for a translation to heaven," +continued Cornelia musingly; then suddenly lifting her head, she +listened an instant, and exclaimed angrily: "It is very strange that +I am not to have an hour's peace and enjoyment with you, without--" + +The door opened, and a graceful form and lovely face approached the +fireplace. "Miss Benton, suffer me to introduce my cousin, Miss +Dupres," said Cornelia very coldly. + +The young lady just inclined her head, and proceeded to scan +Beulah's countenance and dress, with a degree of cool impertinence +which was absolutely amusing. Evidently, however, Cornelia saw +nothing amusing in this ill-bred stare, for she pushed a light chair +impatiently toward her, saying: + +"Sit down, Antoinette!" + +She threw herself into the seat with a sort of languid grace, and +said, in the most musical of voices: + +"Why would not you see Julia Vincent? She was so much disappointed." + +"Simply and solely because I did not choose to see her. Be good +enough to move your chair to one side, if you please," snapped +Cornelia. + +"That was very unkind in you, considering she is so fond of you. We +are all to spend the evening with her next week--you, and your +brother, and I. A mere 'sociable,' she says." She had been +admiringly inspecting her small hands, loaded with diamonds; and +now, turning round, she again freely scrutinized Beulah, who had +been silently contemplating her beautiful oval profile and silky +auburn curls. Certainly Antoinette Dupres was beautiful, but it was +such a beauty as one sees in wax dolls--blank, soulless, +expressionless, if I may except the predominating expression of +self-satisfaction. Beulah's quiet dignity failed to repel the +continued stare fixed upon her, and, gathering up the folds of her +shawl, she rose. + +"Don't go," said Cornelia earnestly. + +"I must; Clara is alone, and I promised to return soon." + +"When will you come again?" Cornelia took her hand and pressed it +warmly. + +"I really do not know. I hope you will be better soon." + +"Eugene will be disappointed; he expects you to spend the evening +with us. What shall I tell him?" + +"Nothing." + +"I will come and see you the very first day I can get out of this +prison-house of mine. Meantime, if I send for you, will you come and +sit with me?" + +"That depends upon circumstances. If you are sick and lonely, I +certainly will. Good-by." + +"Good-by, Beulah." The haughty heiress drew the orphan's face down +to hers and kissed her cordially. Not a little surprised by this +unexpected demonstration of affection in one so cold and stately, +Beulah bowed distantly to the cousin, who returned the salutation +still more distantly, and, hastening down the steps, was glad to +find herself once more under the dome of sky, gray and rainy though +it was. The wind sighed and sobbed through the streets, and a few +cold drops fell, as she approached Mrs. Hoyt's. Quickening her +steps, she ran in by a side entrance, and was soon at Clara's room. +The door stood open, and, with bonnet and shawl in her hand, she +entered, little prepared to meet her guardian, for she had absented +herself with the hope of avoiding him. He was sitting by a table, +preparing some medicine, and looked up involuntarily as she came in. +His eyes lightened instantly, but he merely said: + +"Good-evening, Beulah." + +The tone was less icy than on previous occasions, and, crossing the +room at once, she stood beside him, and held out her hand. + +"How are you, sir?" + +He did not, take the hand, but looked at her keenly, and said: + +"You are an admirable nurse, to go off and leave your sick friend." + +Beulah threw down her bonnet and shawl, and, retreating to the +hearth, began to warm her fingers, as she replied, with +indifference: + +"I have just left another of your patients. Cornelia Graham has been +worse than usual for a day or two. Clara, I will put away my outdoor +wrappings and be with you presently." She retired to her own room, +and, leaning against the window, where the rain was now pattering +drearily, she murmured faintly: + +"Will he always treat me so? Have I lost my friend forever? Once he +was so different; so kind, even in his sternness!" A tear hung upon +her lash, and fell on her hand; she brushed it hastily away, and +stood thinking over this alienation, so painful and unnatural, when +she heard her guardian close Clara's door and walk across the hall +to the head of the stairs. She waited a while, until she thought he +had reached his buggy, and slowly proceeded to Clara's room. Her +eyes were fixed on the floor and her hand was already on the bolt of +the door, when a deep voice startled her. + +"Beulah!" + +She looked up at him proudly. Resentment had usurped the place of +grief. But she could not bear the earnest eyes that looked into hers +with such misty splendor; and, provoked at her own emotion, she +asked coldly: + +"What do you want, sir?" + +He did not answer at once, but stood observing her closely. She felt +the hot blood rush into her usually cold, pale face, and, despite +her efforts to seem perfectly indifferent, her eyelids and lips +would tremble. His hand rested lightly on her shoulder, and he spoke +very gently. + +"Child, have you been ill? You look wretched. What ails you, +Beulah?" + +"Nothing, sir." + +"That will not answer. Tell me, child, tell me!" + +"I tell you I am as well as usual," cried she impatiently, yet her +voice faltered. She was struggling desperately with her own heart. +The return of his old manner, the winning tones of his voice, +affected her more than she was willing he should see. + +"Beulah, you used to be truthful and candid." + +"I am so still," she returned stoutly, though tears began to gather +in her eyes. + +"No, child; already the world has changed you." + +A shadow fell over his face, and the sad eyes were like clouded +stars. + +"You know better, sir! I am just what I always was! It is you who +are so changed! Once you were my friend; my guardian! Once you were +kind, and guided me; but now you are stern, and bitter, and +tyrannical!" She spoke passionately, and tears, which she bravely +tried to force back, rolled swiftly down her cheeks. His light touch +on her shoulder tightened until it seemed a hand of steel, and, with +an expression which she never forgot, even in after years, he +answered: + +"Tyrannical! Not to you, child!" + +"Yes, sir; tyrannical! cruelly tyrannical! Because I dared to think +and act for myself, you have cast off--utterly! You try to see how +cold and distant you can be; and show me that you don't care whether +I live or die, so long as I choose to be independent of you. I did +not believe that you could ever be so ungenerous!" She looked up at +him with swimming eyes. He smiled down into her tearful face, and +asked: + +"Why did you defy me, child?" + +"I did not, sir, until you treated me worse than the servants; worse +than you did Charon even." + +"How?" + +"How, indeed! You left me in your own house without one word of +good-by, when you expected to be absent an indefinite time. Did you +suppose that I would remain there an hour after such treatment?" + +He smiled again, and said in the low, musical tone which she had +always found so difficult to resist. + +"Come back, my child. Come back to me!" + +"Never, sir! never!" answered she resolutely. + +A stony hue settled on his face; the lips seemed instantly frozen, +and, removing his hand from her shoulder, he said, as if talking to +a perfect stranger: "See that Clara Sanders needs nothing; she is +far from being well." + +He left her; but her heart conquered for an instant, and she sprang +down two steps and caught his hand. Pressing her face against his +arm, she exclaimed brokenly: + +"Oh, sir! do not cast me off entirely! My friend, my guardian, +indeed I have not deserved this!" + +He laid his hand on her bowed head, and said calmly: + +"Fierce, proud spirit! Ah! it will take long years of trial and +suffering to tame you. Go, Beulah! You have cast yourself off. It +was no wish, no work of mine." + +He lifted her head from his arm, gently unclasped her fingers, and +walked away. Beulah dried the tears on her cheek, and, composing +herself by a great effort, returned to Clara. The latter still sat +in an easy-chair, and leaned back with closed eyes. Beulah made no +effort to attract her attention, and sat down noiselessly to reflect +upon her guardian's words and the separation which, she now clearly +saw, he intended should be final. There, in the gathering gloom of +twilight, sat Clara Sanders, nerving her heart for the dreary +future; solemnly and silently burying the cherished hopes that had +irised her path, and now, looking steadily forward to coming years, +she said to her drooping spirit: "Be strong and bear this sorrow. I +will conquer my own heart." How is it that, when the human soul is +called to pass through a fierce ordeal, and numbing despair seizes +the faculties and energies in her sepulchral grasp, how is it that +superhuman strength is often suddenly infused into the sinking +spirit? There is a mysterious yet resistless power given, which +winds up and sets again in motion that marvelous bit of mechanism, +the human will; that curiously intricate combination of wheels; that +mainspring of action, which has baffled the ingenuity of +philosophers, and remains yet undiscovered, behind the cloudy shrine +of the unknown. Now, there are times when this human clock well-nigh +runs down; when it seems that volition is dead; when the past is all +gilded, the future all shrouded, and the soul grows passive, hoping +nothing, fearing nothing. Yet when the slowly swinging pendulum +seems about to rest, even then an unseen hand touches the secret +spring; and, as the curiously folded coil quivers on again, the +resuscitated will is lifted triumphantly back to its throne. This +newborn power is from God. But, ye wise ones of earth, tell us how, +and by whom, is the key applied? Are ministering angels (our white- +robed idols, our loved dead) ordained to keep watch over the +machinery of the will and attend to the winding up? Or is this +infusion of strength, whereby to continue its operations, a sudden +tightening of those invisible cords which bind the All-Father to the +spirits he has created? Truly, there is no Oedipus for this vexing +riddle. Many luckless theories have been devoured by the Sphinx; +when will metaphysicians solve it? One tells us vaguely enough, "Who +knows the mysteries of will, with its vigor? Man doth not yield him +to the angels, nor unto death, utterly, save only through the +weakness of his feeble will." This pretty bubble of a "latent +strength" has vanished; the power is from God; but who shall unfold +the process? Clara felt that this precious help was given in her +hour of need; and, looking up undauntedly to the clouds that +darkened her sky, said to her hopeless heart: "I will live to do my +duty, and God's work on eirth; I will go bravely forward in my path +of labor, strewing flowers and sunshine. If God needs a lonely, +chastened spirit to do his behests, oh! shall I murmur and die +because I am chosen? What are the rushing, howling waves of life in +comparison with the calm, shoreless ocean of all eternity?" + +The lamp was brought in and the fire renewed, and the two friends +sat by the hearth, silent, quiet. Clara's face had a sweet, serene +look: Beulah's was composed, so far as rigidity of features +betokened; yet the firm curve of her full upper lip might have +indexed somewhat of the confusion which reigned in her mind. Once a +great, burning light flashed out from her eyes, then the lashes +drooped a little and veiled the storm. After a time Clara lifted her +eyes, and said gently: + +"Will you read to me, Beulah?" + +"Gladly, gladly; what shall it be?" She sprang up eagerly. + +"Anything hopeful and strengthening. Anything but your study-books +of philosophy and metaphysics. Anything but those, Beulah." + +"And why not those?" asked the girl quickly. + +"Because they always confuse and darken me." + +"You do not understand them, perhaps?" + +"I understand them sufficiently to know that they are not what I +need." + +"What do you need, Clara?" + +"The calm content and courage to do my duty through life. I want to +be patient and useful." + +The gray eyes rested searchingly on the sweet face, and then, with a +contracted brow, Beulah stepped to the window and looked out. The +night was gusty, dark, and rainy; heavy drops pattered briskly down +the panes. She turned away, and, standing on the hearth, with her +hands behind her, slowly repeated the beautiful lines, beginning: + + "'The day is done, and the darkness + Falls from the wings of night, + As a feather is wafted downward + From an eagle in his flight.'" + +Her voice was low and musical, and, as she concluded the short poem +which seemed so singularly suited to Clara's wishes, the latter said +earnestly: + +"Yes, yes, Beulah," + + "'Such songs have power to quiet + The restless pulse of care, + And come like the benediction + That follows after prayer.'" + +"Let us obey the poet's injunction, and realize the closing lines:" + + "'And the night shall be filled with music, + And the cares that infest the day + Shall fold their tents, like the Arabs, + And as silently steal away.'" + +Still Beulah stood on the hearth, with a dreamy abstraction looking +out from her eyes, and when she spoke there was a touch of +impatience in her tone: + +"Why try to escape it all, Clara? If those 'grand old masters,' +those 'bards sublime,' who tell us in trumpet-tones of 'life's +endless toil and endeavor,' speak to you through my loved books, why +should you 'long for rest'?" + +"An unfledged birdling cannot mount to the dizzy eyries of the +eagle," answered Clara meekly. + +"One grows strong only by struggling with difficulties. Strong +swimmers are such from fierce buffetings with hungry waves. Come out +of your warm nest of inertia! Strengthen your wings by battling with +storm and wind!" Her brow bent as she spoke. + +"Beulah, what sustains you would starve me." + +"Something has come over you, Clara." + +"Yes; a great trust in God's wisdom and mercy has stolen into my +heart. I no longer look despondingly into my future." + +"Why? Because you fancy that future will be very short and painless? +Ah, Clara, is this trust, when the end comes and there is no more +work to do?" + +"You are mistaken; I do not see Death beckoning me home. Oh, I have +not earned a home yet! I look forward to years of labor, profit, and +peace. To-day I found some lines in the morning paper. Nay, don't +curl your lips with a sneer at what you call 'newspaper poetry.' +Listen to the words that came like a message from the spirit-land to +my murmuring heart." Her voice was low and unsteady, as she read: + + "'Two hands upon the breast, and labor's done; + Two pale feet crossed in rest, the race is won. + Two eyes with coin-weights shut, all tears cease; + Two lips where grief is mute, and wrath at peace. + So pray we oftentimes, mourning our lot; + God, in his kindness, answereth not!'" + +"Such, Beulah, I felt had been my unvoiced prayer; but now!" + + "'Two hands to work addressed; aye, for his praise, + Two feet that never rest; walking his ways; + Two eyes that look above, still through all tears; + Two lips that breathe but love; never more fears. + SO WE CRY AFTERWARD, LOW AT OUR KNEES. + PARDON THOSE ERRING CRIES! FATHER, HEAR THESE!" + +"Oh Beulah, such is now my prayer." + +As Beulah stood near the lamp, strange shadows fell on her brow; +shadows from the long, curling lashes. After a brief silence, she +asked earnestly: + +"Are your prayers answered, Clara? Does God hear you?" + +"Yes; oh, yes!" "Wherefore?" + +"Because Christ died!" + +"Is your faith in Christ so firm? Does it never waver?" + +"Never; even in my most desponding moments." + +Beulah looked at her keenly; and asked, with something like a +shiver: + +"Did it never occur to you to doubt the plan of redemption, as +taught by divines, as laid down in the New Testament?" + +"No, never. I want to die before such a doubt occurs to me. Oh, what +would my life be without that plan? What would a fallen, sin-cursed +world be without a Jesus?" + +"But why curse a race in order to necessitate a Saviour?" + +Clara looked in astonishment at the pale, fixed features before her. +A frightened expression came over her own countenance, a look of +shuddering horror; and, putting up her wasted hands, as if to ward +off some grim phantom, she cried: + +"Oh, Beulah! what is this? You are not an infidel?" + +Her companion was silent a moment; then said emphatically: + +"Dr. Hartwell does not believe the religion you hold so dear." + +Clara covered her face with her hands, and answered brokenly: + +"Beulah, I have envied you, because I fancied that your superior +intellect won you the love which I was weak enough to expect and +need. But if it has brought you both to doubt the Bible, I thank God +that the fatal gift was withheld from me. Have your books and +studies brought you to this? Beulah! Beulah! throw them into the +fire, and come back to trust in Christ." + +She held out her hands imploringly; but, with a singularly cold +smile, her friend replied: + +"You must go to sleep. Your fever is rising. Don't talk any more to- +night; I will not hear you." + +An hour after Clara slept soundly, and Beulah sat in her own room +bending over a book. Midnight study had long since become an +habitual thing; nay, two and three o'clock frequently found her +beside the waning lamp. Was it any marvel that, as Dr. Hartwell +expressed it, she "looked wretched." From her earliest childhood she +had been possessed by an active spirit of inquiry which constantly +impelled her to investigate, and as far as possible to explain, the +mysteries which surrounded, her on every side. With her growth grew +this haunting spirit, which asked continually: "What am I? Whence +did I come? And whither am I bound? What is life? What is death? Am +I my own mistress, or am I but a tool in the hands of my Maker? What +constitutes the difference between my mind and my body? Is there any +difference? If spirit must needs have body to incase it, and body +must have a spirit to animate it, may they not be identical? With +these primeval foundation questions began her speculative career. In +the solitude of her own soul she struggled bravely and earnestly to +answer those "dread questions, which, like swords of flaming fire, +tokens of imprisonment, encompass man on earth." Of course mystery +triumphed. Panting for the truth, she pored over her Bible, +supposing that here, at least, all clouds would melt away; but here, +too, some inexplicable passages confronted her. Physically, morally, +and mentally she found the world warring. To reconcile these +antagonisms with the conditions and requirements of Holy Writ, she +now most faithfully set to work. Ah, proudly aspiring soul! How many +earnest thinkers had essayed the same mighty task, and died under +the intolerable burden? Unluckily for her, there was no one to +direct or assist her. She scrupulously endeavored to conceal her +doubts and questions from her guardian. Poor child? she fancied she +concealed them so effectually from his knowledge; while he silently +noted the march of skepticism in her nature. There were dim, +puzzling passages of Scripture which she studied on her knees; now +trying to comprehend them, and now beseeching the Source of all +knowledge to enlighten her. But, as has happened to numberless +others, there was seemingly no assistance given. The clouds grew +denser and darker, and, like the "cry of strong swimmers in their +agony," her prayers had gone up to the Throne of Grace. Sometimes +she was tempted to go to the minister of the church where she sat +Sunday after Sunday, and beg him to explain the mysteries to her. +But the pompous austerity of his manners repelled her whenever she +thought of broaching the subject, and gradually she saw that she +must work out her own problems. Thus, from week to week and month to +month, she toiled on, with a slowly dying faith, constantly +clambering over obstacles which seemed to stand between her trust +and revelation. It was no longer study for the sake of erudition; +these riddles involved all that she prized in Time and Eternity, and +she grasped books of every description with the eagerness of a +famishing nature. What dire chance threw into her hands such works +as Emerson's, Carlyle's, and Goethe's? Like the waves of the clear, +sunny sea, they only increased her thirst to madness. Her burning +lips were ever at these fountains; and, in her reckless eagerness, +she plunged into the gulf of German speculation. Here she believed +that she had indeed found the "true processes," and, with renewed +zest, continued the work of questioning. At this stage of the +conflict the pestilential scourge was laid upon the city, and she +paused from her metaphysical toil to close glazed eyes and shroud +soulless clay. In the awful hush of those hours of watching she +looked calmly for some solution, and longed for the unquestioning +faith of early years. But these influences passed without aiding her +in the least, and, with rekindled ardor, she went back to her false +prophets. In addition, ethnology beckoned her on to conclusions +apparently antagonistic to the revealed system, and the stony face +of geology seemed radiant with characters of light, which she might +decipher and find some security in. From Dr. Asbury's extensive +collection she snatched treatise after treatise. The sages of +geology talked of the pre-Adamic eras, and of man's ending the +slowly forged chain, of which the radiata form the lowest link; and +then she was told that in those pre-Adamic ages paleontologists find +no trace whatever of that golden time when the vast animal creation +lived in harmony and bloodshed was unknown; ergo, man's fall in Eden +had no agency in bringing death into the world; ergo, that chapter +in Genesis need puzzle her no more. + +Finally, she learned that she was the crowning intelligence in the +vast progression; that she would ultimately become part of Deity. +"The long ascending line, from dead matter to man, had been a +progress Godward, and the next advance would unite creation and +Creator in one person." With all her aspirations she had never +dreamed of such a future as was here promised her. To-night she was +closely following that most anomalous of all guides, "Herr +Teufelsdrockh." Urged on by the same "unrest," she was stumbling +along dim, devious paths, while from every side whispers came to +her: "Nature is one: she is your mother, and divine: she is God! The +'living garment of God.'" Through the "everlasting No," and the +"everlasting Yea," she groped her way, darkly, tremblingly, waiting +for the day-star of Truth to dawn; but, at last, when she fancied +she saw the first rays silvering the night, and looked up hopefully, +it proved one of many ignes-fatui which had flashed across her path, +and she saw that it was Goethe, uplifted as the prophet of the +genuine religion. The book fell from her nerveless fingers; she +closed her eyes, and groaned. It was all "confusion, worse +confounded." She could not for her life have told what she believed, +much less what she did not believe. The landmarks of earlier years +were swept away; the beacon light of Calvary had sunk below her +horizon. A howling chaos seemed about to ingulf her. At that moment +she would gladly have sought assistance from her guardian; but how +could she approach him after their last interview? The friendly face +and cordial kindness of Dr. Asbury flashed upon her memory, and she +resolved to confide her doubts and difficulties to him, hoping to +obtain from his clear and matured judgment some clew which might +enable her to emerge from the labyrinth that involved her. She knelt +and tried to pray. To what did she, on bended knees, send up +passionate supplications? To nature? to heroes? These were the new +deities. She could not pray; all grew dark; she pressed her hands to +her throbbing brain, striving to clear away the mists. "Sartor" had +effectually blindfolded her, and she threw herself down to sleep +with a shivering dread, as of a young child separated from its +mother, and wailing in some starless desert. + + + + +CHAPTER XXI. + + +It was Christmas Eve--cold, cloudy, and damp. The store windows were +gay with every conceivable and inconceivable device for attracting +attention. Parents, nurses, and porters hurried along with +mysterious looking bundles and important countenances. Crowds of +curious, merry children thronged the sidewalks; here a thinly clad, +meager boy, looked, with longing eyes and empty pockets, at pyramids +of fruit and sweetmeats; and there a richly dressed group chattered +like blackbirds, and occasionally fired a pack of crackers, to the +infinite dismay of horses and drivers. Little chaps just out of +frocks rushed about, with their round, rosy faces hid under +grotesque masks; and shouts of laughter, and the squeak of penny +trumpets, and mutter of miniature drums swelled to a continuous din, +which would have been quite respectable even on the plain of Shinar. +The annual jubilee had come, and young and old seemed determined to +celebrate it with due zeal. From her window Beulah looked down on +the merry groups, and involuntarily contrasted the bustling, crowded +streets with the silence and desolation which had reigned over the +same thoroughfares only a few months before. One brief year ago +childish voices prattled of Santa Claus and gift stockings, and +little feet pattered along these same pavements, with tiny hands +full of toys. Fond parents, too, had gone eagerly in and out of +these gay shops, hunting presents for their darlings. Where were +they? children and parents? Ah! a cold, silent band of sleepers in +yonder necropolis, where solemn cedars were chanting an everlasting +dirge. Death's harvest time was in all seasons; when would her own +throbbing pulses be stilled and her questioning tones hushed? Might +not the summons be on that very wintry blast which rushed over her +hot brow? And if it should be so? Beulah pressed her face closer to +the window, and thought it was too inconceivable that she also +should die. She knew it was the common birthright, the one +unchanging heritage of all humanity; yet long vistas of life opened +before her, and though, like a pall, the shadow of the tomb hung +over the end, it was very distant, very dim. + +"What makes you look so solemn?" asked Clara, who had been busily +engaged in dressing a doll for one of Mrs. Hoyt's children. + +"Because I feel solemn, I suppose." + +Clara came up and, passing her arm round Beulah's shoulder, gazed +down into the noisy street. She still wore mourning, and the +alabaster fairness of her complexion contrasted vividly with the +black bombazine dress. Though thin and pale, there was an +indescribable expression of peace on the sweet face; a calm, clear +light of contentment in the mild, brown eyes. The holy serenity of +the countenance was rendered more apparent by the restless, stormy +visage of her companion. Every passing cloud of perplexed thought +cast its shadow over Beulah's face, and on this occasion she looked +more than usually grave. + +"Ah, how merry I used to be on Christmas Eve! Indeed, I can remember +having been half wild with excitement. Yet now it all seems like a +flitting dream." Clara spoke musingly, yet without sadness. + +"Time has laid his wonder-working touch upon you," answered Beulah. + +"How is it, Beulah, that you never speak of your childhood?" + +"Because it was + + "All dark and barren as a rainy sea." + +"But you never talk about your parents?" + +"I love my father's memory. Ah! it is enshrined in my heart's +holiest sanctuary. He was a noble, loving man, and my affection for +him bordered on idolatry." + +"And your mother?" + +"I knew little of her. She died before I was old enough to remember +much about her." + +Her face was full of bitter recollections; her eyes seemed wandering +through some storehouse of sorrows. Clara feared her friend, much as +she loved her, and since the partial discovery of her skepticism she +had rather shunned her society. Now she watched the heavy brow and +deep, piercing eyes uneasily, and, gently withdrawing her arm, she +glided out of the room. The tide of life still swelled through the +streets, and, forcibly casting the load of painful reminiscences +from her, Beulah kept her eyes on the merry faces, and listened to +the gay, careless prattle of the excited children. The stately +rustle of brocaded silk caused her to look up, and Cornelia Graham +greeted her with: + +"I have come to take you home with me for the holidays." + +"I can't go." + +"Why not? You cling to this dark garret of yours as if it possessed +all the charms of Vaucluse." + +"Diogenes loved his tub, you know," said Beulah quietly. + +"An analogous case, truly. But, jesting aside, you must come, +Beulah. Eugene expects you; so do my parents; and, above all, I want +you. Come." Cornelia laid her hand on the girl's shoulders as she +spoke. + +"You have been ill again," said Beulah, examining the sallow face. + +"Not ill, but I shall be soon, I know. One of my old attacks is +coming on; I feel it; and Beulah, to be honest, which I can with you +(without casting pearls before swine), that very circumstance makes +me want you. I dined out to-day, and have just left the fashionable +crowd to come and ask you to spend the holidays with me. The house +will be gay. Antoinette intends to have a set of tableaux; but it is +probable I shall be confined to my room. Will you give your time to +a cross invalid, for such I certainly am? I would be stretched upon +St. Lawrence's gridiron before I could be brought to say as much to +anybody else. I am not accustomed to ask favors, Beulah; it has been +my habit to grant them. Nevertheless, I want you, and am not too +proud to come after you. Will you come?" + +"Yes, if I may remain with you altogether." + +"Thank you. Come, get ready, quick! Give me a fan." Sinking into a +chair, she wiped away the cold drops which had collected about her +brow. + +"Cornelia, I have only one day's leisure. School begins again day +after to-morrow." + +"Well, well; one day, then. Be quick!" + +In a few moments Beulah was ready; and, after informing Clara and +Mrs. Hoyt of her intended absence, the two entered Mr. Graham's +elegant carriage. The gas was now lighted, and the spirited horses +dashed along through streets brilliantly illuminated and thronged +with happy people. + +"What a Babel! About equal to Constantinople, and its dog- +orchestra," muttered Cornelia, as the driver paused to allow one of +the military companies to pass. The martial music, together with the +hubbub which otherwise prevailed, alarmed the horses, and they +plunged violently. The driver endeavored to back out into an alley; +but, in the attempt, the carriage was whirled round, the coachman +jerked over the dashboard into the gutter, and the frightened +animals dashed at furious speed down the main street. Luckily the +top was thrown back, making the carriage open, and, springing +forward to the post so unceremoniously vacated by the driver, Beulah +snatched the reins, which were just within her reach. Curb the +rushing horses she did not hope to do; but, by cautious energy, +succeeded in turning them sufficiently aside to avoid coming in +collision with several other carriages. The street was full of +vehicles, and though, as may well be imagined, there was every +effort made to give the track, the carriage rushed against the +bright yellow wheels of a light buggy in which two young men were +trying to manage a fast trotter. There was a terrible smash of +wheels, the young gentlemen were suddenly landed in the mud, and +their emancipated steed galloped on, with the wreck of the buggy at +his heels. Men, women, and children gathered on the corners to +witness the denouement. Drays, carts, and wagons were seized with a +simultaneous stampede, which soon cleared the middle of the street, +and, uninjured by the collision, our carriage flew on. Cornelia sat +on the back seat, ghastly pale and motionless, expecting every +minute to be hurled out, while Beulah stood up in front, reins in +hand, trying to guide the maddened horses. Her bonnet fell off; the +motion loosened her comb, and down came her long, heavy hair in +black, blinding folds. She shook it all back from her face, and soon +saw that this reckless game of dodging vehicles could not last much +longer. Straight ahead, at the end of the street, was the wharf, +crowded with cotton bales, barrels, and a variety of freight; just +beyond was the river. A number of gentlemen stood on a neighboring +corner, and with one impulse they rushed forward with extended arms. +On sprang the horses almost upon them; eager hands grasped at the +bits. + +"Stand back-all of you! You might as well catch at the winds!" +shouted Beulah, and, with one last effort, she threw, her whole +weight on the reins and turned the horses into a cross street. The +wheels struck the curbstone, the carriage tilted, rocked, fell back +again, and on they went for three squares more, when the horses +stopped short before the livery stable where they were kept. +Embossed with foam, and panting like stags at bay, they were seized +by a dozen hands. + +"By all the gods of Greece! you have had a flying trip of it!" cried +Dr. Asbury, with one foot on the carriage step and both hands +extended, while his gray hair hung in confusion about his face. He +had followed them for at least half a dozen blocks, and was pale +with anxiety. + +"See about Cornelia," said Beulah, seating herself for the first +time and twisting up the veil of hair which swept round her form. + +"Cornelia has fainted! Halloo, there! some water! quick!" said the +doctor, stepping into the carriage and attempting to lift the +motionless figure. But Cornelia opened her eyes, and answered +unsteadily: + +"No! carry me home! Dr. Asbury, take me home!" + +The brilliant eyes closed, a sort of spasm distorted her features, +and she sank back once more, rigid and seemingly lifeless. Dr. +Asbury took the reins firmly in his hands, seated himself, and, +speaking gently to the trembling horses, started homeward. They +plunged violently at first, but he used the whip unsparingly, and in +a few moments they trotted briskly along. Mrs. Graham and her niece +had not yet reached home, but Mr. Graham met the carriage at the +door, with considerable agitation and alarm in his usually +phlegmatic countenance. As Cornelia's colorless face met his view, +he threw up his hands, staggered back, and exclaimed: + +"My God! is she dead? I knew it would end this way some day!" + +"Nonsense, Graham! She is frightened out of her wits--that is all. +These Yankee horses of yours have been playing the very deuce. Clear +the way there, all of you!" + +Lifting Cornelia in his strong arms, Dr. Asbury carried her up to +her own room and placed her on a sofa. Having known her from +childhood, and treated her so often in similar attacks, he +immediately administered some medicine, and ere long had the +satisfaction of seeing the rigid aspect leave her face. She sat up, +and, without a word, began to take off her kid gloves, which fitted +tightly. Suddenly looking up at her father, who was anxiously +regarding her, she said abruptly: + +"There are no more like her. She kept me from making a simpleton of +myself." + +"Whom do you mean, my dear?" + +"Whom? whom? Why, Beulah Benton, of course! Where is she? Come out +of that corner, you quaint, solemn statue!" She held out her hand, +and a warm, glad smile broke over her pallid face as Beulah +approached her. + +"You certainly created a very decided sensation. Beulah made quite a +passable Medea, with her inky hair trailing over the back of the +seat, and her little hands grasping the reins with desperate energy. +By Phoebus! you turned that corner at the bank like an electric +bolt. Shake hands, Beulah! After this you will do in any emergency." +The doctor looked at her with an expression of paternal pride and +affection. + +"I feel very grateful to you," began Mr. Graham; but Beulah cut +short his acknowledgments by saying hastily: + +"Sir, I did nothing at all; Dr. Asbury is resolved to make a heroine +of me, that is all. You owe me nothing." + +At this moment the coachman limped into the room, with garments +dabbled with mud, and inquired anxiously whether the young ladies +were hurt. + +"No, you son of Pluto; not hurt at all, thanks to your careful +driving," answered the doctor, putting his hands in his pockets and +eying the discomfited coachman humorously. + +"Were you hurt by your fall?" asked Beulah. + +"Considerable bumped and thumped, but not much hurt, thank you, +miss. I was awfully scared when I rose out of that choking gutter, +and saw you standing up, and the horses flying like ole Satan +himself was after them. I am marvelous glad nothing was hurt. And +now, master, sir, I want you to go to the mayor and have this 'ere +firecracker business stopped. A parcel of rascally boys set a match +to a whole pack and flung 'em right under Andrew Jackson's feet! Of +course I couldn't manage him after that. I 'clare to gracious! it's +a sin and a shame the way the boys in this town do carry on +Christmas times and, indeed, every other time!" Wilson hobbled out, +grumbling audibly. + +"Beulah, you must come and spend Christmas at my house. The girls +and my wife were talking about it to-day, and concluded to send the +carriage for you early in the morning." The doctor drew on his +gloves as he spoke. + +"They may spare themselves the trouble, sir; she spends it with me," +answered Cornelia. + +"With you! After such a frolic as you two indulged in this evening, +you ought not to be trusted together. If I had not been so anxious +about you I could have laughed heartily at the doleful countenances +of those two young gents, as they picked themselves up out of the +mud. Such rueful plight as their lemon-colored gloves were in! I +will send Hartwell to see you to-morrow, Cornelia. A merry Christmas +to you all, in spite of your Mazeppa episode." His good-humored +countenance vanished. + +"There comes Antoinette ejaculating up the steps. Father, tell her I +do not want to see her, or anybody else. Don't let her come in +here!" cried Cornelia, with a nervous start, as voices were heard in +the passage. + +Mr. Graham, who felt a certain awe of his willful child, +notwithstanding his equable temper, immediately withdrew. His wife +hastened into the room, and, with trembling lips touched her +daughter's cheek and brow, exclaiming: + +"Oh, my child, what a narrow escape! It is horrible to think of-- +horrible!" + +"Not at all, mother, seeing that nothing was hurt in the least. I +was sick, any way, as I told you. Don't you see Beulah sitting +there?" + +Mrs. Graham welcomed her guest cordially. + +"You have a great deal of presence of mind, I believe, Miss Beulah? +You are fortunate." + +"I thanked my stars that Antoinette was not in the carriage; for +most certainly she would have made matters worse, by screaming like +an idiot and jumping out. Beulah taught me common sense," answered +Cornelia, unclasping a bracelet and tossing a handful of jewelry +across the room to her dressing table. + +"You underrate yourself, my dear," said her mother, a little +proudly. + +"Not at all. Humility, genuine or feigned, is not one of our family +traits. Mother, will you send up tea for us? We want a quiet time; +at least, I do, and Beulah will stay with me." + +"But, my love, it is selfish to exclude the balance of the family. +Why not come down to the sitting room, where we can all be +together?" pleaded the mother. + +"Because I prefer staying just where I am. Beulah, put down that +window, will you? Mary must think that I have been converted into a +Polar bear; and, mother, have some coal brought up. If there is any +truth in the metempsychosis of the Orient, I certainly was a palm +tree or a rhinoceros in the last stage of my existence." She +shivered, and wrapped a heavy shawl up to her very chin. + +"May I come in?" asked Eugene, at the door. + +"No; go and sing duets with Netta, and amuse yourself downstairs," +said she shortly, while a frown darkened her face. + +Nevertheless he came in, shook hands with Beulah, and, leaning over +the back of Cornelia's chair, asked tenderly: + +"How is my sister? I heard on the street that you were injured." + +"Oh, I suppose the whole city will be bemoaning my tragic fate. I am +not at all hurt, Eugene." + +"You have had one of those attacks, though; I see from your face. +Has it passed off entirely?" + +"No; and I want to be quiet. Beulah is going to read me to sleep +after a while. You may go down now." + +"Beulah, you will be with us to-morrow, I suppose?" + +"Yes." + +"I am sorry I am obliged to dine out; I shall be at home, however, +most of the day. I called the other evening, but you were not at +home." + +"Yes; I was sorry I did not see you," said Beulah, looking steadily +at his flushed face and sparkling eyes. + +"Dine out, Eugene! For what, I should like to know?" cried Cornelia, +raising herself in her chair and fixing her eyes impatiently upon +him. "Henderson and Milbank are both here, you know, and I could not +refuse to join them in a Christmas dinner." + +"Then why did you not invite them to dine at your own house?" Her +voice was angry; her glance searching. + +"The party was made up before I knew anything about it. They will +all be here in the evening." + +"I doubt it!" said she sneeringly. The flush deepened on his cheek +and he bit his lip; then, turning suddenly to Beulah, he said, as he +suffered his eyes to wander over her plain, fawn-colored merino +dress: + +"You have not yet heard Netta sing, I believe!" + +"No." + +"Where is she, Cornelia?" + +"I have no idea." + +"I hope my sister will be well enough to take part in the tableaux +to-morrow evening." Taking her beautifully molded hand, he looked at +her anxiously. Her piercing, black eyes were riveted on his +countenance, as she answered: + +"I don't know, Eugene; I have long since abandoned the hope of ever +being well again. Perhaps I may be able to get down to the parlors. +There is Antoinette in the passage. Good-night." She motioned him +away. + +He kissed her tenderly, shook hands a second time with Beulah, and +left the room. Cornelia bowed her head on her palms; and, though her +features were concealed, Beulah thought she moaned, as if in pain. + +"Cornelia, are you ill again? What can I do for you?" + +The feeble woman lifted her haggard face, and answered: + +"What can you do? That remains to be seen. Something must be done. +Beulah, I may die at any hour, and you must save him." + +"What do you mean?" Beulah's heart throbbed painfully as she asked +this simple question. + +"You know very well what I mean! Oh, Beulah! Beulah! it bows my +proud spirit into the dust!" Again she averted her head; there was a +short silence. Beulah leaned her face on her hand, and then Cornelia +continued: + +"Did you detect it when he first came home?" + +"Yes." + +"Oh, it is like a hideous nightmare! I cannot realize that Eugene, +so noble, so pure, so refined, could ever have gone to the excesses +he has been guilty of. He left home all that he should be; but five +years abroad have strangely changed him. My parents will not see it; +my mother says 'All young men are wild at first'; and my father +shuts his eyes to his altered habits. Eugene constantly drinks too +much. I have never seen him intoxicated. I don't know that he has +been since he joined us in Italy; but I dread continually lest his +miserable associates lead him further astray. I had hoped that, in +leaving his companions at the university, he had left temptation +too; but the associates he has found here are even worse. I hope I +shall be quiet in my grave before I see him drunk. It would kill me, +I verily believe, to know that he had so utterly degraded himself." + +She shaded her face with her hands, and Beulah replied hastily: + +"He surely cannot fall so low! Eugene will never reel home, an +unconscious drunkard! Oh, no, it is impossible! impossible! The +stars in heaven will fall first!" + +"Do you believe what you say?" + +"I hope it; and hope engenders faith," answered Beulah. + +A bitter smile curled Cornelia's lips, and, sinking back in her +chair, she continued: + +"Where excessive drinking is not considered a disgrace, young men +indulge without a thought of the consequences. Instead of excluding +them from genteel circles, their dissipation is smoothed over, or +unnoticed; and it has become so prevalent in this city that of all +the gentlemen whom I meet in so-called fashionable society, there +are very few who abstain from the wine-cup. I have seen them at +parties, staggering through a quadrille, or talking the most +disgusting nonsense to girls, who have long since ceased to regard +dissipation as a stigma upon the names and characters of their +friends. I tell you the dissipation of the young men here is +sickening to think of. Since I came home I have been constantly +reminded of it; and oh, Eugene is following in their disgraceful +steps! Beulah, if the wives, and mothers, and sisters did their +duty, all this might be remedied. If they carefully and constantly +strove to shield their sons and brothers from temptation they might +preserve them from the fatal habit, which, once confirmed, it is +almost impossible to eradicate. But alas! they smile as sweetly upon +the reckless, intoxicated beaux as if they were what men should be. +I fancied that I could readily redeem Eugene from his dangerous +lapses, but my efforts are rendered useless by the temptations which +assail him from every quarter. He shuns me; hourly the barriers +between us strengthen. Beulah, I look to you. He loves you, and your +influence might prevail, if properly directed. You must save him! +You must!" + +"I have not the influence you ascribe to me," answered Beulah. + +"Do not say so! do not say so! Are you not to be his wife one day?" +She stood up, and heavy drops glistened on her pale forehead. + +"His wife! Cornelia Graham, are you mad?" cried Beulah, lifting her +head proudly, and eying her companion with unfeigned astonishment, +while her eyes burned ominously. + +"He told me that he expected to marry you; that it had always been a +settled thing. Beulah, you have not broken the engagement--surely +you have not?" She grasped Beulah's arm convulsively. + +"No positive engagement ever existed. While we were children we +often spoke of our future as one, but of late neither of us has +alluded to the subject. We are only friends, linked by memories of +early years. Nay, since his return, we have almost become +strangers." + +"Then I have been miserably deceived. Not two months since, he told +me that he looked upon you as his future wife. What has alienated +you? Beulah Benton, do you not love him?" + +"Love him! No!" + +"You loved him once--hush! don't deny it! I know that you did. You +loved him during his absence, and you must love him still. Beulah, +you do love him!" + +"I have a true sisterly affection for him; but as for the love which +you allude to, I tell you, Cornelia, I have not one particle!" + +"Then he is lost!" Sinking back in her chair, Cornelia groaned +aloud. + +"Why Eugene should have made such an impression on your mind, I +cannot conjecture. He has grown perfectly indifferent to me; and +even if he had not, we could never be more than friends. Boyish +fancies have all passed away. He is a man now--still my friend, I +believe; but no longer what he once was to me. Cornelia, I, too, see +his growing tendency to dissipation, with a degree of painful +apprehension which I do not hesitate to avow. Though cordial enough +when we meet, I know and feel that he carefully avoids me. +Consequently, I have no opportunity to exert what little influence I +may possess. I looked at his flushed face just now, and my thoughts +flew back to the golden days of his boyhood, when he was all that a +noble, pure, generous nature could make him. I would ten thousand +times rather know that he was sleeping by my little sister's side in +the graveyard than see him disgrace himself!" Her voice faltered, +and she drooped her head to conceal the anguish which convulsed her +features. + +"Beulah, if he loves you still, you will not reject him?" cried +Cornelia eagerly. + +"He does not love me." + +"Why will you evade me? Suppose that he does?" + +"Then I tell you solemnly, not all Christendom could induce me to +marry him!" + +"But to save him, Beulah! to save him!" replied Cornelia, clasping +her hands entreatingly. + +"If a man's innate self-respect will not save him from habitual, +disgusting intoxication, all the female influence in the universe +would not avail. Man's will, like woman's, is stronger than his +affection, and, once subjugated by vice, all external influences +will be futile. If Eugene once sinks so low, neither you, nor I, nor +his wife--had he one--could reclaim him." + +"He has deceived me! Fool that I was not to probe the mask!" +Cornelia started up and paced the floor with uncontrollable +agitation. + +"Take care how you accuse him rashly! I am not prepared to believe +that he could act dishonorably toward anyone. I will not believe +it." "Oh, you, too, will get your eyes open in due time! Ha! it is +all as clear as daylight! And I, with my boasted penetration!--it +maddens me!" Her eyes glittered like polished steel. + +"Explain yourself; Eugene is above suspicion!" cried Beulah, with +pale, fluttering lips. + +"Explain myself! Then understand that my honorable brother professed +to love you, and pretended that he expected to marry you, simply and +solely to blind me, in order to conceal the truth. I taxed him with +a preference for Antoinette Dupres, which I fancied his manner +evinced. He denied it most earnestly, protesting that he felt bound +to you. Now do you understand?" Her lips were white, and writhed +with scorn. + +"Still you may misjudge him," returned Beulah haughtily. + +"No, no! My mother has seen it all along. But, fool that I was, I +believed his words! Now, Beulah, if he marries Antoinette, you will +be amply revenged, or my name is not Cornelia Graham!" She laughed +bitterly, and, dropping some medicine from a vial, swallowed the +potion and resumed her walk up and down the floor. + +"Revenged! What is it to me, that he should marry your cousin? If he +loves her, it is no business of mine, and certainly you have no +right to object. You are miserably deceived if you imagine that his +marriage would cause me an instant's regret. Think you I could love +a man whom I knew to be my inferior? Indeed, you know little of my +nature." She spoke with curling lips and a proud smile. + +"You place an exalted estimate upon yourself," returned Cornelia. + +They looked at each other half-defiantly for a moment; then the +heiress bowed her head, and said, in low, broken tones: + +"Oh, Beulah, Beulah! child of poverty! would I could change places +with you!" + +"You are weak, Cornelia," answered Beulah gravely. + +"In some respects, perhaps, I am; but you are bold to tell me so." + +"Genuine friendship ignores all hesitancy in speaking the truth. You +sought me. I am very candid--perhaps blunt. If my honesty does not +suit you it is an easy matter to discontinue our intercourse. The +whole matter rests with you." + +"You wish me to understand that you do not need my society--my +patronage?" + +"Patronage implies dependence, which, in this instance, does not +exist. An earnest, self-reliant woman cannot be patronized, in the +sense in which you employ the term." She could not forbear smiling. +The thought of being under patronage was, to her, supremely +ridiculous. + +"You do not want my friendship, then?" + +"I doubt whether you have any to bestow. You seem to have no love +for anything," replied Beulah coldly. + +"Oh, you wrong me!" cried Cornelia passionately. + +"If I do, it is your own fault. I only judge you from what you have +shown of your nature." + +"Remember, I have been an invalid all my life." + +"I am not likely to forget it in your presence. But, Cornelia, your +whole being seems embittered." + +"Yes; and you will be just like me when you have lived as long as I +have. Wait till you have seen something of the world." + +"Sit down, Cornelia; you tremble from head to foot." She drew a +chair close to the hearth, and the sufferer sank into it, as if +completely exhausted. For some time neither spoke. Beulah stood with +her hands on the back of the chair, wishing herself back in her +quiet little room. After a while Cornelia said slowly: + +"If you only knew Antoinette as well as I do you could ill brook the +thought of her ever being Eugene's wife." + +"He is the best judge of what will promote his happiness." + +"No; he is blinded, infatuated. Her pretty face veils her miserable, +contemptible defects of character. She is utterly unworthy of him." + +"If she loves him sincerely, she will--" + +"Don't talk of what you do not understand. She is too selfish to +love anything or anybody but herself. Mark me, whether I live to see +it or not, if he marries her, he will despise her in less than six +months, and curse himself for his blind folly. Oh, what a precious +farce it will prove!" She laughed sneeringly. + +"Cornelia, you are not able to bear this excitement. For the +present, let Eugene and his future rest and try to compose yourself. +You are so nervous you can scarcely sit still." + +The colorless face, with its gleaming eyes, was suddenly lifted; +and, throwing her arms round Beulah's neck, Cornelia rested her +proud head on the orphan's shoulder. + +"Be my friend while I live. Oh, give me some of your calm +contentment, some of your strength!" + +"I am your friend, Cornelia; I will always be such; but every soul +must be sufficient for itself. Do not look to me; lean upon your own +nature; it will suffice for all its needs." + +With the young teacher, pity was almost synonymous with contempt; +and, as she looked at the joyless face of her companion, she could +not avoid thinking her miserably weak. + + + + +CHAPTER XXII. + + +Christmas Day was sunny and beautiful. The bending sky was as deeply +blue as that which hung over Bethlehem eighteen hundred years +before; God's coloring had not faded. Happy children prattled as +joyously as did the little Jew boys who clustered curiously about +the manger to gaze upon the holy babe, the sleeping Jesus. Human +nature had not altered one whit beneath the iron wheel of Time. Is +there a man so sunk in infamy or steeped in misanthropy that he has +not, at some period of his life, exclaimed, in view of earth's +fadeless beauty: + + "'This world is very lovely. O my God! + I thank Thee that I live.'" + +Alas for the besotted soul who cannot bend the knee of humble +adoration before nature's altar, where sacrifices are offered to the +Jehovah, pavilioned in invisibility. There is an ardent love of +nature as far removed from gross materialism or subtle pantheism on +the one hand as from stupid inappreciation on the other. There is +such a thing as looking "through nature up to nature's God," +notwithstanding the frightened denials of those who, shocked at the +growing materialism of the age, would fain persuade this generation +to walk blindfold through the superb temple a loving God has placed +us in. While every sane and earnest mind must turn, disgusted and +humiliated, from the senseless rant which resolves all divinity into +materialistic elements, it may safely be proclaimed that genuine +aesthetics is a mighty channel through which the love and adoration +of Almighty God enters the human soul. It were an insult to the +Creator to reject the influence which even the physical world exerts +on contemplative natures. From bald, hoary mountains, and somber, +solemn forests; from thundering waves and wayside violets; from +gorgeous sunset clouds, from quiet stars and whispering winds, come +unmistakable voices, hymning of the Eternal God--the God of Moses, +of Isaac, and of Jacob. Extremes meet in every age, and in every +department. Because one false philosophy would deify the universe, +startled opponents tell us to close our ears to these musical +utterances and shut our eyes to glorious nature, God's handiwork. +Oh! why has humanity so fierce a hatred of medium paths? + +Ragged boys and barefooted girls tripped gayly along the streets, +merry and uncomplaining; and, surrounded by velvet, silver, and +marble, by every superfluity of luxury, Cornelia Graham, with a +bitter heart and hopeless soul, shivered in her easy-chair before a +glowing fire. The Christmas sunlight crept in through the heavy +crimson curtains and made gorgeous fret-work on the walls, but its +cheering radiance mocked the sickly pallor of the invalid, and, as +Beulah retreated to the window and peeped into the street, she felt +an intense longing to get out under the blue sky once more. Mr. and +Mrs. Graham and Antoinette sat round the hearth, discussing the +tableaux for the evening, while, with her cheek upon her hand, +Cornelia listlessly fingered a diamond necklace which her father had +just given her. The blazing jewels slipped through her pale fingers +all unnoticed, and she looked up abstractedly when Mr. Graham +touched her, and repeated his question for the third time. + +"My child, won't you come down to the sitting room?" + +"No, sir; I am better here." + +"But you will be so lonely." + +"Not with Beulah." + +"But, of course, Miss Benton will desire to see the tableaux. You +would not keep her from them?" remonstrated her father. + +"Thank you, Mr. Graham, I prefer remaining with Cornelia," answered +Beulah, who had no wish to mingle in the crowd which, she understood +from the conversation, would assemble that evening in the parlors. +The trio round the hearth looked at each other, and evidently +thought she manifested very heathenish taste. Cornelia smiled, and +leaned back with an expression of pleasure which very rarely lighted +her face. + +"You are shockingly selfish and exacting," said Antoinette, curling +her long ringlets over her pretty fingers and looking very +bewitching. Her cousin eyed her in silence, and not particularly +relishing her daughter's keen look Mrs. Graham rose, kissed her +forehead, and said gently: + +"My love, the Vincents, and Thorntons. and Hendersons all sent to +inquire after you this morning. Netta and I must go down now and +prepare for our tableaux. I leave you in good hands. Miss Benton is +considered an admirable nurse, I believe." + +"Mother, where is Eugene?" + +"I really do not know. Do you, Mr. Graham?" + +"He has gone to the hotel to see some of his old Heidelberg +friends," answered Netta, examining Beulah's plain merino dress very +minutely as she spoke. + +"When he comes home be good enough to tell him that I wish to see +him." + +"Very well, my dear." Mrs. Graham left the room, followed by her +husband and niece. + +For some time Cornelia sat just as they left her; the diamond +necklace slipped down and lay a glittering heap on the carpet, and +the delicate waxen hands drooped listlessly over the arms of the +chair. Her profile was toward Beulah, who stood looking at the +regular, beautiful features, and wondering how (with so many +elements of happiness in her home) she could seem so discontented. +She was thinking, too, that there was a certain amount of truth in +that persecuted and ignored dictum, "A man only sees that which he +brings with him the power of seeing," when Cornelia raised herself, +and, turning her head to look for her companion, said slowly: + +"Where are you? Do you believe in the Emersonian 'law of +compensation,' rigid and inevitable as fate? I say, Beulah, do you +believe it?" + +"Yes; I believe it." + +"Hand me the volume there on the table. His exposition of 'the +absolute balance of Give and Take, the doctrine that everything has +its price,' is the grandest triumph of his genius. For an hour this +sentence has been ringing in my ears: 'In the nature of the soul is +the compensation for the inequalities of condition.' We are samples +of the truth of this. Ah, Beulah, I have paid a heavy, heavy price! +You are destitute of one, it is true, but exempt from the other. +Yet, mark you, this law of 'compensation' pertains solely to earth +and its denizens; the very existence and operation of the law +precludes the necessity, and I may say the possibility, of that +future state, designed, as theologians argue, for rewards and +punishments." She watched her visitor very closely. + +"Of course it nullifies the belief in future adjustments, for he +says emphatically, 'Justice is not postponed. A perfect equity +adjusts its balance in all parts of life.' 'What will you have? Pay +for it, and take it. Nothing venture, nothing have.' There is no +obscurity whatever in that remarkable essay on compensation." Beulah +took up one of the volumes, and turned the pages carelessly. + +"But all this would shock a Christian." + +"And deservedly; for Emerson's works, collectively and individually, +are aimed at the doctrines of Christianity. There is a grim, +terrible fatalism scowling on his pages which might well frighten +the reader who clasped the Bible to his heart." + +"Yet you accept his 'compensation.' Are you prepared to receive his +deistic system?" Cornelia leaned forward and spoke eagerly. Beulah +smiled. + +"Why strive to cloak the truth? I should not term his fragmentary +system 'deistic.' He knows not yet what he believes. There are +singular antagonisms existing among even his pet theories." + +"I have not found any," replied Cornelia, with a gesture of +impatience. + +"Then you have not studied his works as closely as I have done. In +one place he tells you he feels 'the eternity of man, the identity +of his thought,' that Plato's truth and Pindar's fire belong as much +to him as to the ancient Greeks, and on the opposite page, if I +remember aright, he says, 'Rare extravagant spirits come by us at +intervals, who disclose to us new facts in nature. I see that men of +God have, from time to time, walked among men, and made their +commission felt in the heart and soul of the commonest hearer. +Hence, evidently the tripod, the priest, the priestess, inspired by +the divine afflatus.' Thus at one moment he finds no 'antiquity in +the worships of Moses, of Zoroaster, of Menu, or Socrates; they are +as much his as theirs,' and at another clearly asserts that spirits +do come into the world to discover to us new truths. At some points +we are told that the cycles of time reproduce all things; at others, +this theory is denied. Again, in 'Self-Reliance,' he says,' Trust +thyself; insist on yourself; obey thy heart, and thou shalt +reproduce the foreworld again.' All this was very comforting to me, +Cornelia; self-reliance was the great secret of success and +happiness; but I chanced to read the 'Over-soul' soon after, and lo! +these words: 'I am constrained every moment to acknowledge a higher +origin for events than the will I call mine.' This was directly +antagonistic to the entire spirit of 'self-reliance'; but I read on, +and soon found the last sentence utterly nullified by one which +declared positively 'that the Highest dwells with man; the sources +of nature are in his own mind.' Sometimes we are informed that our +souls are self-existing and all-powerful; an incarnation of the +divine and universal, and, before we fairly digest this tremendous +statement, he coolly asserts that there is, above all, an 'over- +soul,' whose inevitable decrees upset our plans, and 'overpower +private will.' Cognizant of these palpable contradictions, Emerson +boldly avows and defends them, by declaring that 'A foolish +consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. With consistency a +great soul has simply nothing to do. Speak what you think now in +hard words; and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words +again, though it contradict everything you said to-day. Why should +you keep your head over your shoulder? Why drag about this corpse of +your memory, lest you contradict somewhat you have stated in this or +that public place? Suppose you should contradict yourself?' His +writings are, to me, like heaps of broken glass, beautiful in the +individual crystal, sparkling and often dazzling, but gather them up +and try to fit them into a whole, and the jagged edges refuse to +unite. Certainly, Cornelia, you are not an Emersonian." Her deep, +quiet eyes looked full into those of the invalid. + +"Yes, I am. I believe in that fatalism which he shrouds under the +gauze of an 'Over-soul,'" replied Cornelia impressively. + +"Then you are a fair sample of the fallacy of his system, if the +disjointed bits of logic deserve the name." + +"How so?" + +"He continually exhorts to a happy, contented, and uncomplaining +frame of mind; tells you sternly that 'Discontent is the want of +self-reliance; it is infirmity of will.'" + +"You are disposed to be severe," muttered Cornelia, with an angry +flash. + +"What? because I expect his professed disciple to obey his +injunctions?" + +"Do you, then, conform so irreproachably to your own creed? Pray, +what is it?" + +"I have no creed. I am honestly and anxiously hunting one. For a +long time I thought that I had found a sound one in Emerson. But a +careful study of his writings taught me that of all Pyrrhonists he +is the prince. Can a creedless soul aid me in my search? Verily, no. +He exclaims, 'To fill the hour--that is happiness; to fill the hour, +and leave no crevice for repentance or an approval. We live amid +surfaces, and the true art of life is to skate well on them.' Now +this sort of oyster existence does not suit me, Cornelia Graham, nor +will it suit you." + +"You do him injustice. He has a creed (true, it is pantheistic), +which he steadfastly adheres to under all circumstances." + +"Oh, has he! indeed? Then he flatly contradicts you when he says, +'But lest I should mislead any, when I have my own head, and obey my +whims, let me remind the reader that I am only an experimenter. Do +not set the least value on what I do, or the least discredit on what +I do not, as if I pretended to settle anything as true or false. I +unsettle all things. No facts are to me sacred; none are profane. I +simply experiment, an endless seeker, with no past at my back.' To +my fancy that savors strongly of nihilism, as regards creeds." + +"There is no such passage in Emerson!" cried Cornelia, stamping one +foot, unconsciously, on her blazing necklace. + +"Yes, the passage is, word for word, as I quoted it, and you will +find it in 'Circles.'" + +"I have read 'Circles' several times, and do not remember it. At all +events, it does not sound like Emerson." + +"For that matter, his own individual circle of ideas is so much like +St. Augustine's Circle, of which the center is everywhere and the +circumference nowhere,' that I am not prepared to say what may or +may not be found within it. You will ultimately think with me that, +though an earnest and profound thinker, your master is no Memnon, +waking only before the sunlight of truth. His utterances are dim and +contradictory." + +She replaced the book on the table, and, taking up a small basket, +resumed her sewing. + +"But, Beulah, did you not accept his 'Law of Compensation'?" + +"I believe its operations are correct as regards mere social +position--wealth, penury, even the endowments of genius. But further +than this I do not accept it. I want to believe that my soul is +immortal. Emerson's 'Duration of the Attributes of the Soul' does +not satisfy me. I desire something more than an immutability, or +continued existence hereafter, in the form of an abstract idea of +truth, justice, love, or humility." + +Cornelia looked at her steadily, and, after a pause, said with +indescribable bitterness and despair: + +"If our past and present shadows the future, I hope that my last +sleep may be unbroken and eternal." + +Beulah raised her head and glanced searchingly at her companion; +then silently went on with her work. + +"I understand your honest face. You think I have no cause to talk +so. You see me surrounded by wealth,--petted, indulged in every +whim,--and you fancy that I am a very enviable woman; but--" + +"There you entirely mistake me," interrupted Beulah, with a cold +smile. + +"You think that I ought to be very happy and contented, and useful +in the sphere in which I move; and regard me, I know, as a weak +hypochondriac. Beulah, physicians told me, long ago, that I lived +upon the very brink of the grave; that I might die at any moment, +without warning. My grandmother and one of my uncles died suddenly +with this disease of the heart, and the shadow of death seems +continually around me; it will not be dispelled--it haunts me +forever. 'Boast not thyself of to-morrow,' said the preacher; but I +cannot even boast of to-day, or this hour. The world knows nothing +of this; it has been carefully concealed by my parents; but I know +it! and, Beulah, I feel as did that miserable, doomed prisoner of +Poe's 'Pit and Pendulum,' who saw the pendulum, slowly but surely, +sweeping down upon him. My life has been a great unfulfilled +promise. With what are generally considered elements of happiness in +my home, I have always been solitary and unsatisfied. Conscious of +my feeble tenure on life, I early set out to anchor myself in a calm +faith which would secure me a happy lot in eternity. My nature was +strongly religious, and I longed to find hope and consolation in +some of our churches. My parents always had a pew in the fashionable +church in this city. You need not smile--I speak advisedly when I +say 'fashionable' church; for, assuredly, fashion has crept into +religion also, nowadays. From my childhood I was regularly dressed +and taken to church; but I soon began to question the sincerity of +the pastor and the consistency of the members. Sunday after Sunday I +saw them in their pews, and week after week listened to their +gossiping, slanderous chit-chat. Prominent members busied themselves +about charitable associations, and headed subscription lists, and +all the while set examples of frivolity, heartlessness, and what is +softly termed 'fashionable excesses,' which shocked my ideas of +Christian propriety and disgusted me with the mockery their lives +presented. I watched the minister in his social relations, and, +instead of reverencing him as a meek and holy man of God, I could +not forbear looking with utter contempt upon his pompous, self- +sufficient demeanor toward the mass of his flock; while to the most +opulent and influential members he bowed down, with a servile, +fawning sycophancy absolutely disgusting. I attended various +churches, listening to sermons, and watching the conduct of the +prominent professing Christians of each. Many gave most liberally to +so-called religious causes and institutions, and made amends by +heavily draining the purses of widows and orphans. Some affected an +ascetical simplicity of dress, and yet hugged their purses where +their Bibles should have been. It was all Mammon worship; some +grossly palpable, some adroitly cloaked under solemn faces and +severe observance of the outward ceremonials. The clergy, as a +class, I found strangely unlike what I had expected. Instead of +earnest zeal for the promotion of Christianity, I saw that the +majority were bent only on the aggrandizement of their particular +denomination. Verily, I thought in my heart, 'Is all this bickering +the result of their religion? How these churches do hate each +other!' According to each, salvation could only be found in their +special tenets--within the pale of their peculiar organization; and +yet, all professed to draw their doctrines from the same book; and, +Beulah, the end of my search was that I scorned all creeds and +churches, and began to find a faith outside of a revelation which +gave rise to so much narrow-minded bigotry--so much pharisaism and +delusion. Those who call themselves ministers of the Christian +religion should look well to their commissions, and beware how they +go out into the world, unless the seal of Jesus be indeed upon their +brows. They offer themselves as the Pharos of the people, but ah! +they sometimes wreck immortal souls by their unpardonable +inconsistencies. For the last two years I have been groping my way +after some system upon which I could rest the little time I have to +live. Oh, I am heartsick and despairing!" + +"What? already! Take courage, Cornelia; there is truth somewhere," +answered Beulah, with kindling eyes. + +"Where, where? Ah! that echo mocks you, turn which way you will. I +sit like Raphael-Aben-Ezra--at the 'Bottom of the Abyss,' but, +unlike him, I am no Democritus to jest over my position. I am too +miserable to laugh, and my grim Emersonian fatalism gives me +precious little comfort, though it is about the only thing that I do +firmly believe in." + +She stooped to pick up her necklace, shook it in the glow of the +fire until a shower of rainbow hues flashed out, and, holding it up, +asked contemptuously: + +"What do you suppose this piece of extravagance cost?" + +"I have no idea." + +"Why, fifteen hundred dollars--that is all! Oh, what is the blaze of +diamonds to a soul like mine, shrouded in despairing darkness, and +hovering upon the very confines of eternity, if there be any!" She +threw the costly gift on the table and wearily closed her eyes. + +"You have become discouraged too soon, Cornelia. Your very anxiety +to discover truth evinces its existence, for Nature always supplies +the wants she creates!" + +"You will tell me that this truth is to be found down in the depths +of my own soul; for, no more than logic, has it ever been discovered +'parceled and labeled.' But how do I know that all truth is not +merely subjective? Ages ago, skepticism intrenched itself in an +impregnable fortress: 'There is no criterion of truth.' How do I +know that my 'true,' 'good,' and 'beautiful' are absolutely so? My +reason is no infallible plummet to sound the sea of phenomena and +touch noumena. I tell you, Beulah, it is all--" + +A hasty rap at the door cut short this discussion, and, as Eugene +entered, the cloud on Cornelia's brow instantly lifted. His gay +Christmas greeting and sunny, handsome face diverted her mind, and, +as her hand rested on his arm, her countenance evinced a degree of +intense love such as Beulah had supposed her incapable of feeling. + +"It is very selfish, sister mine, to keep Beulah so constantly +beside you, when we all want to see something of her." + +"Was I ever anything else but selfish?" + +"But I thought you prided yourself on requiring no society?" + +"So I do, as regards society in general; but Beulah is an +exception." + +"You intend to come down to-night, do you not?" + +"Not if I can avoid it. Eugene, take Beulah into the parlor, and ask +Antoinette to sing. Afterward make Beulah sing, also, and be sure to +leave all the doors open, so that I can hear. Mind, you must not +detain her long." + +Beulah would have demurred, but at this moment she saw Dr. +Hartwell's buggy approaching the house. Her heart seemed to spring +to her lips, and, feeling that after their last unsatisfactory +interview she was in no mood to meet him, she quickly descended the +steps, so blinded by haste that she failed to perceive the hand +Eugene extended to assist her. The door-bell uttered a sharp peal as +they reached the hall, and she had just time to escape into the +parlor when the doctor was ushered in. + +"What is the matter?" asked Eugene, observing the nervous flutter of +her lips. + +"Ask Miss Dupres to sing, will you?" + +He looked at her curiously an instant, then turned away and +persuaded the little beauty to sing. + +She took her seat, and ran her jeweled fingers over the pearl keys +with an air which very clearly denoted her opinion, of her musical +proficiency. + +"Well, sir, what will you have?" + +"That favorite morceau from 'Linda.'" + +"You have never heard it, I suppose," said she, glancing over her +shoulder at the young teacher. + +"Yes; I have heard it," answered Beulah, who could with difficulty +repress a smile. + +Antoinette half shrugged her shoulders, as if she thought the +statement questionable, and began the song. Beulah listened +attentively; she was conscious of feeling more than ordinary +interest in this performance, and almost held her breath as the +clear, silvery voice caroled through the most intricate passages. +Antoinette had been thoroughly trained, and certainly her voice was +remarkably sweet and flexible; but as she concluded the piece and +fixed her eyes complacently on Beulah, the latter lifted her head in +proud consciousness of superiority. + +"Sing me something else," said she. + +Antoinette bit her lips, and answered ungraciously: + +"No; I shall have to sing to-night, and can't wear myself out." + +"Now, Beulah, I shall hear you. I have sought an opportunity ever +since I returned." Eugene spoke rather carelessly. + +"Do you really wish to hear me, Eugene?" + +"Of course I do," said he, with some surprise. + +"And so do I," added Mrs. Graham, leaning against the piano, and +exchanging glances with Antoinette. + +Beulah looked up, and asked quietly: + +"Eugene, shall I sing you a ballad? One of those simple old tunes we +used to love so well in days gone by." + +"No, no. Something operatic!" cried Antoinette, without giving him +an opportunity to reply. + +"Well, then, Miss Dupres; select something." + +"Can't you favor us with 'Casta-Diva'?" returned the beauty,--with +something very like a sneer. + +Beulah's eyes gave a momentary flash; but by a powerful effort she +curbed her anger and commenced the song. + +It was amusing to mark the expression of utter astonishment which +gradually overspread Antoinette's face, as the magnificent voice of +her despised rival swelled in waves of entrancing melody through the +lofty rooms. Eugene looked quite as much amazed. Beulah felt her +triumph, and heartily enjoyed it. There was a sparkle in her eye and +a proud smile on her lip, which she did not attempt to conceal. As +she rose from the piano, Eugene caught her hand, and said eagerly: + +"I never dreamed of your possessing such a voice. It is superb-- +perfectly magnificent! Why did not you tell me of it before?" + +"You heard it long ago, in the olden time," said she, withdrawing +her hand and looking steadily at him. + +"Ah, but it has improved incredibly. You were all untutored then." + +"It is the culture, then, not the voice itself? Eh, Eugene?" + +"It is both. Who taught you?" + +"I had several teachers, but owe what excellence I may possess to my +guardian. He aided me more than all the instruction books that ever +were compiled." + +"You must come and practice with the musical people who meet here +very frequently," said Mrs. Graham. + +"Thank you, madam; I have other engagements which will prevent my +doing so." + +"Nonsense, Beulah; we have claims on you. I certainly have," +answered Eugene. + +"Have you? I was not aware of the fact." + +There was a patronizing manner in all this which she felt no +disposition to submit to. + +"Most assuredly I have, Beulah; and mean to maintain them." + +She perfectly understand the haughty expression of his countenance, +and, moving toward the door, replied coldly: + +"Another time, Eugene, we will discuss them." + +"Where are you going?" inquired Mrs. Graham rather stiffly. + +"To Cornelia. The doctor came down a few minutes since." + +She did not pause to hear what followed, but ran up the steps, +longing to get out of a house where she plainly perceived her +presence was by no means desired. Cornelia sat with her head drooped +on her thin hand, and, without looking up, said, more gently than +was her custom: + +"Why did you hurry back so soon?" + +"Because the parlor was not particularly attractive." + +There came the first good-humored laugh which Beulah had ever heard +from Cornelia's lips, as the latter replied: + +"What friends you and old growling Diogenes would have been! Pray, +how did my cousin receive your performance!" + +"Very much as if she wished me amid the ruins of Persepolis, where I +certainly shall be before I inflict anything more upon her. +Cornelia, do not ask or expect me to come here again, for I will +not; of course, it is quite as palpable to you as to me that I am no +favorite with your parents, and something still less with your +cousin. Consequently, you need not expect to see me here again." + +"Do not say so, Beulah; you must, you shall come, and I will see +that no one dares interfere with my wishes. As for Antoinette, she +is simply a vain idiot; you might just as well be told the truth, +for doubtless you will see it for yourself. She is my mother's +niece, an only child, and possessed of considerable wealth. I +suppose it is rather natural that my parents should fondle the idea +of her being Eugene's wife. They do not see how utterly unsuited +they are. Eugene will, of course, inherit the fortune which I once +imagined I should have the pleasure of squandering. My father and +mother dread lest Eugene should return to his 'boyish fancy' (as you +are pleased to term it), and look on you with jealous eyes. Oh, +Mammon is the God of this generation. But, Beulah, you must not +allow all this miserable maneuvering to keep you from me. If you do, +I will very soon succeed in making this home of mine very unpleasant +for Antoinette Dupres. When I am dead she can wheedle my family as +successfully as they choose to permit; but while I do live she shall +forbear. Poor, contemptible human nature! Verily, I rejoice +sometimes when I remember that I shall not be burdened with any of +it long." An angry spot burned on each pallid cheek, and the +beautiful mouth curled scornfully. + +"Do not excite yourself so unnecessarily, Cornelia. What you may or +may not think of your relatives is no concern of mine. You have a +carriage always at your command, and when you desire to see a real +friend, you can visit me. Let this suffice for this subject. Suppose +we have a game of chess or backgammon? What do you say?" + +She wheeled a light table toward the hearth; but the invalid +motioned it away, and answered moodily: + +"I am in no humor for games. Sit down and tell me about your leaving +Dr. Hartwell's protection." + +"I have nothing to tell." + +"He is a singular being?" + +Receiving no answer, she added impatiently: + +"Don't you think so?" + +"I do, in the sense of great superiority." + +"The world is not so flattering in its estimate." + +"No; for slander loves a lofty mark." + +"Beulah Benton, do you mean that for me?" + +"Not unless you feel that it applies to you particularly." + +"If he is so faultless and unequaled, pray, why did not you remain +in his house?" + +"I am not in the habit of accounting to anyone for my motives or my +actions." She lifted her slender form haughtily. + +"In which case the public has a habit of supplying both." + +"Then accept its fabrications." + +"You need not be so fierce. I like Dr. Hartwell quite as well as you +do, I dare say; but probably I know more of his history." + +"It is all immaterial to me. Drop the subject, if you please, and +let me read to you. I believe I came here for quiet companionship, +not recrimination and cross-questioning." + +"Beulah, the world says you are to marry your guardian. I do not ask +from impertinent curiosity, but sincere friendship--is it true?" + +"About as true as your notion of my marriage with Eugene. No; +scarcely so plausible." + +"Our families were connected, you know." + +"No; I neither know, nor wish to know. He never alluded to his wife, +or his history, and I have just now no desire to hear anything about +the matter. He is the best friend I ever had; I want to honor and +reverence him always; and, of course, the world's version of his +domestic affairs does him injustice. So be good enough to say no +more about him." + +"Very well. On hearing your voice from the parlor he left a small +parcel, which he requested me to give you. He laid it on the table, +I believe; yes, there it is. Now read 'Egmont' to me, if you +please." + +Cornelia crossed the room, threw herself on a couch, and settled her +pillow comfortably. Beulah took the parcel, which was carefully +sealed, and wondered what it contained. It was heavy and felt hard. +They had parted in anger; what could it possibly be? Cornelia's +black eyes were on her countenance. She put the package in her +pocket, seated herself by the couch, and commenced "Egmont." It was +with a feeling of indescribable relief that the orphan awoke, at +dawn the following morning, and dressed by the gray twilight. She +had fallen asleep the night before amid the hum of voices, of +laughter, and of dancing feet. Sounds of gayety, from the merry +party below, had found their way to the chamber of the heiress, and +when Beulah left her at midnight she was still wakeful and restless. +The young teacher could not wait for the late breakfast of the +luxurious Grahams, and, just as the first level ray of sunshine +flashed up from the east, she tied on her bonnet and noiselessly +entered Cornelia's room. The heavy curtains kept it close and dark, +and on the hearth a taper burned with pale, sickly light. Cornelia +slept soundly; but her breathing was heavy and irregular, and the +face wore a scowl, as if some severe pain had distorted it. The +ivory-like arms were thrown up over the head, and large drops +glistened on the wan brow. Beulah stood beside the bed a few +minutes; the apartment was furnished with almost Oriental splendor; +but how all this satin, and rosewood, and silver, and marble mocked +the restless, suffering sleeper! Beulah felt tears of compassion +weighing down her lashes, as she watched the haggard countenance of +this petted child of fortune; but, unwilling to rouse her, she +silently stole down the steps. The hall was dark; the smell of gas +almost stifling. Of course, the servants followed the example of +their owners, and, as no one appeared, she unlocked the street door, +and walked homeward with a sensation of pleasurable relief which +impressed itself very legibly on her face. The sky was cloudless; +the early risen run looked over the earth in dazzling radiance; and +the cold, pure, wintry air made the blood tingle in Beulah's veins. +A great, unspeakable joy filled her soul; the uplifted eyes beamed +with gladness; her brave, hopeful spirit looked into the future with +unquestioning trust; and, as the image of her unhappy friend flitted +across her mind, she exclaimed: + +"This world is lull of beauty, like other worlds above, And if we +did our duty, it might be full of loe." + +She ran up to her room, threw open the blinds, looped back the +curtains, and drew that mysterious package from her pocket. She was +very curious to see the contents, and broke the seal with trembling +fingers. The outer wrappings fell off, and disclosed an oblong, +papier-mache case. It opened with a spring, and revealed to her a +beautiful watch and chain, bearing her name in delicate tracery. A +folded slip of paper lay on the crimson velvet lining of the box, +and, recognizing the characters, she hastily read this brief +sentence: + +"Wear it constantly, Beulah, to remind you that, in adversity, you +still have + +"A GUARDIAN." + +Tears gushed unrestrained, as she looked at the beautiful gift. Not +for an instant did she dream, of accepting it, and she shrank +shudderingly from widening the breach which already existed by a +refusal. Locking up the slip of paper in her workbox, she returned +the watch to its case and carefully retied the parcel. Long before +she had wrapped the purse in paper and prevailed on Clara to give it +to the doctor. He had received it without comment; but she could not +return the watch in the same way, for Clara was now able to attend +regularly to her school duties, and it was very uncertain when she +would see him. Yet she felt comforted, for this gift assured her +that, however coldly he chose to treat her when they met, he had not +thrown her off entirely. With all her independence, she could not +bear the thought of his utter alienation; and the consciousness of +his remaining interest thrilled her heart with gladness. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII. + + +One Saturday morning, some days subsequent to her visit to the +Grahams, Beulah set off for the business part of the city. She was +closely veiled, and carried under her shawl a thick roll of neatly +written paper. A publishing house was the place of her destination; +and, as she was ushered into a small back room, to await the leisure +of the gentleman she wished to see, she could not forbear smiling at +the novelty of her position and the audacity of the attempt she was +about to make. There she sat in the editor's sanctum, trying to +quiet the tumultuous beating of her heart. Presently a tall, spare +man, with thin, cadaverous visage, entered, bowed, took a chair, and +eyed her with a "what-do-you-want" sort of expression. His grizzled +hair was cut short, and stood up like bristles, and his keen blue +eyes were by no means promising, in their cold glitter. Beulah threw +off her veil and said, with rather an unsteady voice: + +"You are the editor of the magazine published here, I believe?" + +He bowed again, leaned back in his chair, and crossed his hands at +the back of his head. + +"I came to offer you an article for the magazine." She threw down +the roll of paper on a chair. + +"Ah!--hem!--will you favor me with your name?" + +"Beulah Benton, sir. One altogether unknown to fame." + +He contracted his eyes, coughed, and said constrainedly: + +"Are you a subscriber?" + +"I am." + +"What is the character of your manuscript?" He took it up as he +spoke, and glanced over the pages. + +"You can determine that from a perusal. If the sketch suits you, I +should like to become a regular contributor." + +A gleam of sunshine strayed over the countenance, and the editor +answered, very benignly: + +"If the article meets with our approbation, we shall be very happy +to afford you a medium of publication in our journal. Can we depend +on your punctuality?" + +"I think so. What are your terms?" + +"Terms, madam? I supposed that your contribution was gratuitous," +said he very loftily. + +"Then you are most egregiously mistaken! What do you imagine induces +me to write?" + +"Why, desire for fame, I suppose." + +"Fame is rather unsatisfactory fare. I am poor, sir, and write to +aid me in maintaining myself." + +"Are you dependent solely on your own exertions, madam?" + +"Yes." + +"I am sorry I cannot aid you; but nowadays there are plenty of +authors who write merely as a pastime, and we have as many +contributions as we can well look over." + +"I am to understand, then, that the magazine is supported altogether +by gratuitous contributions?" said Beulah, unable to repress a +smile. + +"Why, you see, authorship has become a sort of luxury," was the +hesitating reply. + +"I think the last number of your magazine contained, among other +articles in the 'Editor's Drawer,' an earnest appeal to Southern +authors to come to the rescue of Southern periodicals?" + +"True, madam. Southern intellect seems steeped in a lethargy from +which we are most faithfully endeavoring to arouse it." + +"The article to which I allude also animadverted severely upon the +practice of Southern authors patronizing Northern publishing +establishments?" + +"Most certainly it treated the subject stringently." He moved +uneasily. + +"I believe the subscription is the same as that of the Northern +periodicals?" + +A very cold bow was the only answer. + +"I happen to know that Northern magazines are not composed of +gratuitous contributions; and it is no mystery why Southern authors +are driven to Northern publishers. Southern periodicals are mediums +only for those of elegant leisure, who can afford to write without +remuneration. With the same subscription price, you cannot pay for +your articles. It is no marvel that, under such circumstances, we +have no Southern literature. Unluckily, I belong to the numerous +class who have to look away from home for remuneration. Sir, I will +not trouble you with my manuscript." Rising, she held out her hand +for it; but the keen eyes had fallen upon a paragraph which seemed +to interest the editor, and, knitting his brows, he said +reluctantly: + +"We have not been in the habit of paying for our articles; but I +will look over this, and perhaps you can make it worth our while to +pay you. The fact is, madam, we have more trash sent us than we can +find room for; but if you can contribute anything of weight, why, it +will make a difference, of course. I did not recognize you at first, +but I now remember that I heard your valedictory to the graduating +class of the public schools. If we should conclude to pay you for +regular contributions, we wish nothing said about it." + +"Very well. If you like the manuscript, and decide to pay me, you +can address me a note through the post office. Should I write for +the magazine I particularly desire not to be known." She lowered her +veil, and most politely he bowed her out. + +She was accustomed to spend a portion of each Saturday in practicing +duets with Georgia Asbury, and thither she now directed her steps. +Unluckily, the parlor was full of visitors, and, without seeing any +of the family, she walked back into the music room. Here she felt +perfectly at home, and, closing the door, forgot everything but her +music. Taking no heed of the lapse of time, she played piece after +piece, until startled by the clear tones of the doctor's voice. She +looked up, and saw him standing in the door which opened into the +library, taking off his greatcoat. + +"Why Beulah, that room is as cold as a Texas norther! What on earth +are you doing there without a fire? Come in here, child, and warm +your frozen digits. Where are those two harum-scarum specimens of +mine?" + +"I believe they are still entertaining company, sir. The parlor was +full when I came, and they know nothing of my being here." She sat +down by the bright fire, and held her stiff fingers toward the +glowing coals. + +"Yes, confound their dear rattlepates; that is about the sum-total +of their cogitations." He drew up his chair, put his feet on the +fender of the grate, and, lighting his cigar, added: + +"Is my spouse also in the parlor?" + +"I suppose so, sir." + +"Time was, Beulah, when Saturday was the great day of preparation +for all housekeepers. Bless my soul! My mother would just about as +soon have thought of anticipating the discovery of the open Polar +Sea, by a trip thither, as going out to visit on Saturday. Why, from +my boyhood, Saturday has been synonymous with scouring, window +washing, pastry baking, stocking darning, and numerous other +venerable customs, which this age is rapidly dispensing with. My +wife had a lingering reverence for the duties of the day, and tried +to excuse herself, but I suppose those pretty wax dolls of mine have +coaxed her into 'receiving,' as they call it. Beulah, my wife is an +exception; but the mass of married women nowadays, instead of being +thorough housewives (as nature intended they should), are delicate, +do-nothing, know-nothing, fine ladies. They have no duties. 'O +tempora, O mores!'" He paused to relight his cigar, and, just then, +Georgia came in, dressed very richly. He tossed the taper into the +grate, and exclaimed, as she threw her arms round his neck and +kissed him: + +"You pretty imp; what is to pay now? Here Beulah has been sitting, +nobody knows how long, in that frigid zone you call your music room. +What are you rigged out in all that finery for?" + +"We are going to dine out to-day, father. Beulah will excuse me, I +know." + +"Indeed! Dine where?" + +"Mrs. Delmont came round this morning to invite us to dine with some +of her young friends from New Orleans." + +"Well, I shan't go, that is all." + +"Oh, you are not expected, sir," laughed Georgia, brushing the gray +locks from his ample forehead. + +"Not expected, eh? Does your lady mother contemplate leaving me to +discuss my dinner in doleful solitude?" + +"No, mother has gone with Mrs. Rallston to see about some poor, +starving family in the suburbs. She will be back soon, I dare say. +Mrs. Delmont has sent her carriage, and Helen is waiting for me; so +I must go. Beulah, I am very sorry, we have been cut out of our +practicing. Don't go home; stay with mother to-day, and when I come +back we will have a glorious time. Can't you now? There's a +darling." + +"Oh, you wheedling, hypocritical madcap, take yourself off! Of +course Beulah will try to endure the stupid talk of a poor old man, +whose daughters are too fashionable to look after him, and whose +wife is so extremely charitable that she forgets it 'begins at +home.' Clear out, you trial of paternal patience!" He kissed her +rosy lips, and she hurried away, protesting that she would much +prefer remaining at home. + +"Beulah, I gave Hartwell that parcel you intrusted to me. He looked +just as if I had plunged him into a snow-bank, but said nothing." + +"Thank you, sir." + +"Oh, don't thank me for playing go-between. I don't relish any such +work. It is very evident that you two have quarreled. I would about +as soon consult that poker as ask Hartwell what is to pay. Now, +child, what is the matter?" + +"Nothing new, sir. He has never forgiven me for turning teacher." + +"Forgiven! Bless me, he is as spiteful as a Pequod!" + +"Begging your pardon, Dr. Asbury, he is no such thing!" cried Beulah +impetuously. + +"Just what I might have expected. I am to understand, then, that you +can abuse my partner sufficiently without any vituperative +assistance from me?" He brushed the ashes from his cigar, and looked +at her quizzically. + +"Sir, it pains me to hear him spoken of so lightly." + +"Lightly! Upon my word, I thought Indianic malice was rather a heavy +charge. However, I can succeed better if you will allow--" + +"Don't jest, sir. Please say no more about him." + +His face became instantly grave, and he answered earnestly: + +"Beulah, as a sincere friend, I would advise you not to alienate +Hartwell. There are very few such men; I do not know his equal. He +is interested in your welfare and happiness, and is the best friend +you ever had or ever will have." + +"I know it, and prize his friendship above all others." + +"Then why did you return that watch? If he wished you to wear it, +why should you refuse? Mark me, he said nothing about it to me; but +I saw the watch, with your name engraved on the case, at the jewelry +store where I bought one just like it for Georgia. I surmised it was +that same watch, when you intrusted the package to me." + +"I was already greatly indebted to him, and did not wish to increase +the obligation." + +"My child, under the circumstances, you were too fastidious. He was +very much annoyed; though, as I told you before, he made no allusion +to the subject." + +"Yes; I knew he would be, and I am very sorry, but could not think +of accepting it." + +"Oh, you are well matched, upon my word!" + +"What do you mean?" + +"That you are both as proud as Lucifer and as savage as heathens. +Child, I don't see what is to become of you." + +"Every soul is the star of its own destiny," answered Beulah. + +"Well, very sorry destinies the majority make, I can tell you. Have +you seen Mrs. Lockhart and Pauline?" + +"No. I was not aware that they were in the city." + +"Lockhart's health is miserable. They are all at Hartwell's for a +few weeks, I believe. Pauline has grown up a perfect Di Vernon +beauty." + +"I should like very much to see her. She is a generous, noble-souled +girl." + +"Yes; I rather think she is. Hartwell said the other day that +Pauline was anxious to see you; and, since I think of it, I believe +he asked me to tell you of her arrival. Now, I will wager my head +that you intend to wait until she calls formally, which it is your +place to do." + +"Then, sir, expect immediate decapitation, for I shall go out to see +her this very afternoon," replied Beulah. + +"That is right, my dear child." + +"Dr. Asbury, if you will not think me troublesome, I should like to +tell you of some things that perplex me very much," said she +hesitatingly. + +"I shall be glad to hear whatever you have to say, and if I can +possibly help you, rest assured I will. What perplexes you?" + +"A great many things, sir. Of late, I have read several works that +have unsettled my former faith, and, indeed, confused and darkened +my mind most miserably, and I thought you might aid me in my search +after truth." + +He threw his cigar into the fire, and, while an expression of sorrow +clouded his face, said, very gravely: + +"Beulah, I am afraid I am one of the last persons to whom you should +apply for assistance. Do the perplexities to which you allude +involve religious questions?" + +"Yes, sir; almost entirely." + +"I am too unsettled myself to presume to direct others." + +Beulah looked up in unfeigned astonishment. + +"You certainly are not what is termed skeptical?" + +"Most sincerely do I wish that I was not." + +There was a short silence, broken by Beulah's saying, slowly and +sorrowfully: + +"You cannot aid me, then!" + +"I am afraid not. When a young man I was thoroughly skeptical in my +religious views (if I may be said to have had any). At the time of +my marriage I was an infidel, and such the world still calls me. If +I am not now, it is because my wife's unpretending consistent piety +has taught me to revere the precepts of a revelation which I long +ago rejected. Her pure religion makes me respect Christianity, which +once I sneered at. I am forced to acknowledge the happy results of +her faith, and I may yet be brought to yield up old prejudices and +confess its divine origin. I am no atheist, thank God! never have +been. But I tell you candidly, my doubts concerning the Bible make +me an unsafe guide for a mind like yours. For some time I have +marked the course of your reading, by the books I missed from my +shelves, and have feared just what has happened. On one point my +experience may be of value to you. What is comprised under the head +of philosophical research will never aid or satisfy you. I am an old +man, Beulah, and have studied philosophic works for many years; but, +take my word for it, the mass of them are sheer humbug. From the +beginning of the world philosophers have been investigating the +countless mysteries which present themselves to every earnest mind; +but the arcana are as inscrutable now as ever. I do not wish to +discourage you, Beulah; nor do I desire to underrate human +capabilities; but, in all candor, this kind of study does not pay. +It has not repaid me--it has not satisfied Hartwell, who went deeper +into metaphysics than anyone I know, and who now has less belief of +any sort than anyone I ever wish to know. I would not advise you to +prosecute this branch of study. I am content to acknowledge that of +many things I know nothing, and never can be any wiser; but Guy +Hartwell is too proud to admit his incapacity to grapple with some +of these mysteries. Beulah, my wife is one of the happiest spirits I +ever knew; she is a consistent Christian. When we were married, I +watched her very closely. I tell you, child, I hoped very much that +I should find some glaring incongruity in her conduct which would +have sanctioned my skepticism. I was continually on the lookout for +defects of character that might cast contempt on the religion she +professed. I did not expect her to prove so pure-hearted, +unselfish, humble, and genuinely pious as I found her. I do most +sincerely revere such religion as hers. Ah! if it were not so rare I +should never have been so skeptical. She has taught me that the +precepts of the Bible do regulate the heart and purify the life; and +to you, child, I will say, candidly, 'Almost she has persuaded me to +be a Christian.' Whatever of--" + +He said no more, for at this moment the door opened, and Mrs. Asbury +entered. She welcomed Beulah with a cordial sincerity, singularly +soothing to the orphan's heart, and, keeping her hand in a tight +clasp, asked several questions, which her husband cut short by +drawing her to his side. + +"Where have you been straying to, madam?" + +"Where you must stray to, sir, just as soon as you start out this +evening on your round of visits." + +She softly smoothed back his hair and kissed his forehead. She was a +noble-looking woman, with a tranquil countenance that betokened a +serene, cloudless soul; and as she stood beside her husband, his +eyes rested on her face with an expression bordering on adoration. +Beulah could not avoid wondering why such women were so very rare, +and the thought presented itself with painful force, "If Cornelia +Graham and I had had such mothers, we might both have been happier +and better." Probably something of what crossed her mind crept into +her countenance, for the doctor asked laughingly: + +"In the name of Venus! what are you screwing up your lips and +looking so ugly about?" + +"I suppose one reason is that I must go home." She rose, with a +suppressed sigh. + +"I am disposed to think it much more probable that you were envying +me my wife. Come, confess." + +"I was wishing that I had such a mother." + +With some sudden impulse she threw her arms round Mrs. Asbury's +neck, and hid her face on her shoulder. + +"Then let me be your mother, my dear child," said she, pressing the +girl affectionately to her heart and kissing her pale cheek. + +"Are you troubled about anything, my dear?" continued Mrs. Asbury, +surprised at this manifestation of feeling in one usually so cold +and reserved. + +"An orphan heart mourns its dead idols," answered Beulah, raising +her hand and withdrawing from the kind arm that encircled her. Mrs. +Asbury interpreted a quick glance from her husband, and did not +press the matter further; but, at parting, she accompanied Beulah to +the front door, and earnestly assured her that if she could in any +way advise or assist her she would consider it both a privilege and +a pleasure to do so. Returning to the library, she laid her soft +hand on her husband's arm, and said anxiously: + +"George, what is the matter with her?" + +"She is distressed, or, rather, perplexed, about her religious +doubts, I inferred from what she said just before you came in. She +has drifted out into a troubled sea of philosophy, I am inclined to +think, and, not satisfied with what she has found, is now irresolute +as to the proper course. Poor child, she is terribly in earnest +about the matter." He sighed heavily. + +His wife watched him eagerly. + +"What did you tell her?" + +"Not to come to me; that it would be a perfect exemplification of +'the blind leading the blind'; and when she learned my own state of +uncertainty, she seemed to think so herself." + +An expression of acute pain passed over her features; but, banishing +it as speedily as possible, she answered very gently: + +"Take care, my husband, lest by recapitulating your doubts you +strengthen hers." + +"Alice, I told her the whole truth. She is not a nature to be put +off with halfway statements. Hartwell is an avowed infidel, and she +knows it; yet I do not believe his views have weighed with her +against received systems of faith. My dear Alice, this spirit of +skepticism is scattered far and wide over the land; I meet with it +often where I least expect it. It broods like a hideous nightmare +over this age, and Beulah must pass through the same ordeal which is +testing the intellectual portion of every community. But--there is +that eternal door-bell. Let us have dinner, Alice; I must go out +early this afternoon." + +He took down a pair of scales and began to weigh some medicine. His +wife wisely forbore to renew the discussion, and, ringing the bell +for dinner, interested him with an account of her visit to a poor +family who required his immediate attention. + +With a heart unwontedly heavy Beulah prepared to call upon Pauline, +later in the afternoon of the same day. It was not companionship she +needed, for this was supplied by books, and the sensation of +loneliness was one with which she had not yet been made acquainted; +but she wanted a strong, healthy, cultivated intellect, to dash away +the mists that were wreathing about her own mind. Already the lofty, +imposing structure of self-reliance began to rock to its very +foundations. She was nearly ready for her walk, when Mrs. Hoyt came +in. + +"Miss Beulah, there is a lady in the parlor waiting to see you." + +"Is it Miss Graham?" + +"No. She is a stranger, and gave no name." + +Beulah descended to the parlor in rather an ungracious mood. As she +entered a lady sprang to meet her, with both hands extended. She was +superbly beautiful, with a complexion of dazzling whiteness, and +clear, radiant, violet eyes, over which arched delicately penciled +brows. The Grecian mouth and chin were faultlessly chiseled; the +whole face was one of rare loveliness. + +"You don't know me! For shame, Beulah, to forget old friends!" + +"Oh, Pauline, is it you? I am very glad to see you." + +"Don't say that for politeness' sake! Here I have been for ten days +and you have not stirred a foot to see me." + +"I didn't know you were in town till this morning, and just as you +came I was putting on my bonnet to go and see you." + +"Are you telling the truth?" + +"Yes; positively I am." + +"Well, I am glad you felt disposed to see me. After my uncle, you +and Charon are all I cared anything about meeting here. Bless your +dear, solemn, gray eyes! how often I have wanted to see you!" + +The impulsive girl threw her arms round Beulah's neck, and kissed +her repeatedly. + +"Be quiet, and let me look at you. Oh, Pauline, how beautiful you +have grown!" cried Beulah, who could not forbear expressing the +admiration she felt. + +"Yes; the artists in Florence raved considerably about ray beauty. I +can't tell you the number of times I sat for my portrait. It is very +pleasant to be pretty; I enjoy it amazingly," said she, with all the +candor which had characterized her in childhood; and, with a +vigorous squeeze of Beulah's hand, she continued: + +"I was astonished when I came, and found that you had left Uncle +Guy, and were teaching little ragged, dirty children their A B C's. +What possessed you to do such a silly thing?" + +"Duty, my dear Pauline." + +"Oh, for Heaven's sake, don't begin about duty. Ernest--" She +paused, a rich glow swept over her face, and, shaking back her +curls, she added: + +"You must quit all this. I say you must!" + +"I see you are quite as reckless and scatter-brained as ever," +answered Beulah, smiling at her authoritative tone. + +"No; I positively am not the fool Uncle Guy used to think me. I have +more sense than people give me credit for, though I dare say I shall +find you very skeptical on the subject. Beulah, I know very well why +you took it into your wise head to be a teacher. You were unwilling +to usurp what you considered my place in Uncle Guy's home and heart. +You need not straighten yourself in that ungraceful way. I know +perfectly well it is the truth; but I am no poor, suffering, needy +innocent, that you should look after. I am well provided for, and +don't intend to take one cent of Uncle Guy's money, so you might +just as well have the benefit of it. I know, too, that you and ma +did not exactly adore each other. I understand all about that old +skirmishing. But things have changed very much, Beulah; so you must +quit this horrid nonsense about working and being independent." + +"How you do rattle on about things you don't comprehend!" laughed +Beulah. + +"Come, don't set me down for a simpleton! I tell you I am in +earnest! You must come back to Uncle Guy!" + +"Pauline, it is worse than useless to talk of this matter. I decided +long ago as to what I ought to do, and certainly shall not change my +opinion now. Tell me what you saw in Europe." + +"Why, has not Eugene told you all you wish to know? Apropos! I saw +him at a party last night, playing the devoted to that little +beauty, Netta Dupres. We were all in Paris at the same time. I don't +fancy her; she is too insufferably vain and affected. It is my +opinion that she is flirting with Eugene, which must be quite +agreeable to you. Oh, I tell you, Beulah, I could easily put her +mind, heart, and soul in my thimble!" + +"I did not ask your estimate of Miss Dupres. I want to know +something of your European tour. I see Eugene very rarely." + +"Oh, of course we went to see all the sights, and very stupid it +was. Mr. Lockhart scolded continually about my want of taste and +appreciation, because I did not utter all the interjections of +delight and astonishment over old, tumbledown ruins, and genuine +'masterpieces' of art, as he called them. Upon my word, I have been +tired almost to death, when he and ma descanted by the hour on the +'inimitable, and transcendent, and entrancing' beauties and glories +of old pictures, that were actually so black with age that they +looked like daubs of tar, and I could not tell whether the figures +were men or women, archangels or cow drivers. Some things I did +enjoy; such as the Alps, and the Mediterranean, and St. Peter's, and +Westminster Abbey, and some of the German cathedrals. But as to +keeping my finger on the guide-book and committing all the ecstasy +to memory, to spout out just at the exact moment when I saw nothing +to deserve it, why, that is all fudge. I tell you there is nothing +in all Europe equal to our Niagara! I was heartily glad to come +home, though I enjoyed some things amazingly." + +"How is Mr. Lockhart's health?" + +"Very poor, I am sorry to say. He looks so thin and pale I often +tell him he would make quite as good a pictured saint as any we saw +abroad." + +"How long will you remain here?" + +"Till Uncle Guy thinks Mr. Lockhart is well enough to go to his +plantation, I suppose." + +"What makes you so restless, Pauline? Why don't you sit still?" +asked Beulah, observing that her visitor twisted about as if +uncomfortable. + +"Because I want to tell you something, and really do not know how to +begin," said she, laughing and blushing. + +"I cannot imagine what should disconcert you, Pauline." + +"Thank you. Truly, that is a flattering tribute to my sensibility. +Beulah, can't you guess what I have to tell you?" + +"Certainly not. But why should you hesitate to disclose it?" + +"Simply because your tremendous gray eyes have such an owlish way of +looking people out of countenance. Now, don't look quite through me, +and I will pluck up my courage, and confess. Beulah--I am going to +be married soon." She hid her crimsoned cheeks behind her hands. + +"Married! impossible!" cried Beulah. + +"But I tell you I am! Here is my engagement ring. Now, the most +astonishing part of the whole affair is that my intended sovereign +is a minister! A preacher, as solemn as Job!" + +"You a minister's wife, Pauline! Oh, child, you are jesting!" said +Beulah, with an incredulous smile. + +"No! absurd as it may seem, it is nevertheless true. I am to be +married in March. Ma says I am a fool; Mr. Lockhart encourages and +supports me; and Uncle Guy laughs heartily every time the affair is +alluded to. At first, before we went to Europe, there was violent +opposition from my mother, but she found I was in earnest, and now +it is all settled for March. Uncle Guy knows Ernest Mortimor, and +esteems him very highly, but thinks that I am the last woman in the +United States who ought to be a minister's wife. I believe he told +Ernest as much; but of course he did not believe him." + +"Where does Mr. Mortimor reside?" + +"In Georgia; has charge of a church there. He had a sister at the +same school I attended in New York; and, during a visit to her, he +says he met his evil-angel in me. He is about five years my senior; +but he is here now, and you will have an opportunity of forming your +own opinion of him." + +"How long have you known him?" + +"About two years. I am rather afraid of him, to tell you the honest +truth. He is so grave, and has such rigid notions, that I wonder +very much what ever induced his holiness to fancy such a heedless +piece of womanhood as he is obliged to know I am; for I never put on +any humility or sanctity. What do you think, Beulah? Uncle Guy +coolly told me, this morning, in Ernest's presence, that he was only +charmed by my pretty face, and that if I did not learn some common +sense he would very soon repent his choice. Oh, the doleful warnings +I have been favored with! But you shall all see that I am worthy of +Mr. Mortimer's love." + +Her beautiful face was radiant with hope; yet in the violet eyes +there lurked unshed tears. + +"I am very glad that you are so happy, Pauline; and, if you will, I +am very sure you can make yourself all that Mr. Mortimor could +desire." + +"I am resolved I will. Yesterday he talked to me very seriously +about the duties which he said would devolve on me. I tried to laugh +him out of his sober mood, but he would talk about 'pastoral +relations,' and what would be expected of a pastor's wife, until I +was ready to cry with vexation. Ernest is not dependent on his +salary; his father is considered wealthy, I believe, which fact +reconciles ma in some degree. To-morrow he will preach in Dr. Hew's +church, and you must go to hear him. I have never yet heard him +preach, and am rather anxious to know what sort of sermons I am to +listen to for the remainder of my life." She looked at her watch, +and rose. + +"I shall certainly go to hear him," answered Beulah. + +"Of course you will, and after service you must go home and spend +the day with me. Ma begs that you will not refuse to dine with her; +and, as you are engaged all the week, Uncle Guy expects you also; +that is, he told me to insist on your coming, but thought you would +probably decline. Will you come? Do say yes." + +"I don't know yet. I will see you at church." + +Thus they parted. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV. + + +On Sabbath morning Beulah sat beside the window, with her folded +hands resting on her lap. The day was cloudless and serene; the sky +of that intense melting blue which characterizes our clime. From +every quarter of the city brazen muezzins called worshipers to the +temple, and bands of neatly clad, happy children thronged the +streets, on their way to Sabbath school. Save these, and the pealing +bells, a hush pervaded all things, as though Nature were indeed "at +her prayers." Blessed be the hallowed influences which every sunny +Sabbath morn exerts! Blessed be the holy tones which at least once a +week call every erring child back to its Infinite Father! For some +time Beulah had absented herself from church, for she found that +instead of profiting by sermons she came home to criticise and +question. But early associations are strangely tenacious, and, as +she watched the children trooping to the house of God, there rushed +to her mind memories of other years, when the orphan bands from the +asylum regularly took their places in the Sabbath school. The hymns +she sang then rang again in her ears; long-forgotten passages of +Scripture, repeated then, seemed learned but yesterday. How often +had the venerable superintendent knelt and invoked special guidance +for the afflicted band from the God of orphans! Now she felt doubly +orphaned. In her intellectual pride, she frequently asserted that +she was "the star of her own destiny"; but this morning childish +memories prattled of the Star of Bethlehem, before which she once +bent the knee of adoration. Had it set forever, amid clouds of +superstition, sin, and infidelity? Glittering spires pointed to the +bending heavens, and answered: "It burns on forever, 'brighter and +brighter unto the perfect day'!" With a dull weight on her heart, +she took down her Bible and opened it indifferently at her book- +mark. It proved the thirty-eighth chapter of Job, and she read on +and on, until the bells warned her it was the hour of morning +service. She walked to church, not humbled and prepared to receive +the holy teachings of revelation, but with a defiant feeling in her +heart which she did not attempt or care to analyze. She was not +accustomed to attend Dr. Hew's church, but the sexton conducted her +to a pew, and as she seated herself the solemn notes of the organ +swelled through the vaulted aisles. The choir sang a magnificent +anthem from Haydn's "Creation," and then only the deep, thundering +peal of the organ fell on the dim, cool air. Beulah could bear no +more; as she lowered her veil, bitter tears gushed over her troubled +face. Just then she longed to fall on her knees before the altar and +renew the vows of her childhood; but this impulse very soon died +away, and, while the pews on every side rapidly filled, she watched +impatiently for the appearance of the minister. Immediately in front +of her sat Mr. and Mrs. Graham and Antoinette Dupres. Beulah was +pondering the absence of Cornelia and Eugene, when a full, manly +voice fell on her ear, and, looking up, she saw Mr. Mortimor +standing in the pulpit. He looked older than Pauline's description +had prepared her to expect, and the first impression was one of +disappointment. But the longer she watched the grave, quiet face the +more attractive it became. Certainly he was a handsome man, and, +judging from the contour of head and features, an intellectual one. +There was an absolute repose in the countenance which might have +passed with casual observers for inertia, indifference; but to the +practiced physiognomist it expressed the perfect peace of a mind and +heart completely harmonious. The voice was remarkably clear and well +modulated. His text was selected from the first and last chapters of +Ecclesiastes, and consisted of these verses: + +"For in much wisdom is much grief; and he that increaseth knowledge, +increaseth sorrow." + +"And further, by these, my son, be admonished; of making many books +there is no end, and much study is a weariness of the flesh. Let us +hear the conclusion of the whole matter. Fear God, and keep his +commandments, for this is the whole duty of man." + +To the discourse which followed Beulah listened with the deepest +interest. She followed the speaker over the desert of ancient +Oriental systems, which he rapidly analyzed, and held up as empty +shells; lifting the veil of soufism, he glanced at the mystical +creed of Algazzali; and, in an epitomized account of the Grecian +schools of philosophy, depicted the wild vagaries into which many +had wandered, and the unsatisfactory results to which all had +attained. Not content with these instances of the insufficiency and +mocking nature of human wisdom and learning, he adverted to the +destructive tendency of the Helvetian and D'Holbach systems, and, +after a brief discussion of their ruinous tenets, dilated, with some +erudition upon the conflicting and dangerous theories propounded by +Germany. Then came the contemplation of Christianity, from it's rise +among the fishermen of Galilee to its present summit of power. For +eighteen hundred years it had been assaulted by infidelity, yet each +century saw it advancing--a conquering colossus. Throughout the +sermon the idea was maintained that human reason was utterly +inadequate to discover to man his destiny, that human learning was a +great cheat, and that only from the pages of Holy Writ could genuine +wisdom be acquired. Men were to be as little children in order to be +taught the truths of immortality. Certainly the reasoning was clear +and forcible, the philosophic allusions seemed very apropos, and the +language was elegant and impassioned. The closing hymn was sung; the +organ hushed its worshiping tones; the benediction was pronounced; +the congregation dispersed. + +As Beulah descended the steps she found Pauline and Mrs. Lockhart +waiting at the carriage for her. The latter greeted her with quite a +show of cordiality; but the orphan shrank back from the offered +kiss, and merely touched the extended hand. She had not forgotten +the taunts and unkindness of other days; and, though not vindictive, +she could not feign oblivion of the past, nor assume a friendly +manner foreign to her. She took her seat in the carriage, and found +it rather difficult to withdraw her fascinated eyes from Pauline's +lovely face. She knew what was expected of her, however; and said, +as they drove rapidly homeward: + +"Mr. Mortimor seems to be a man of more than ordinary erudition." + +"Did you like his sermon? Do you like him?" asked Pauline eagerly. + +"I like him very much indeed; but do not like his sermon at all," +answered Beulah bluntly. + +"I am sure everybody seemed to be delighted with it," said Mrs. +Lockhart. + +"Doubtless the majority of his congregation were; and I was very +much interested, though I do not accept his views. His delivery is +remarkably impressive, and his voice is better adapted to the pulpit +than any I have ever listened to." She strove to say everything +favorable which, in candor, she could. + +"Still you did not like his sermon?" said Pauline gravely. + +"I cannot accept his conclusions." + +"I liked the discourse particularly, Pauline. I wish Percy could +have heard it," said Mrs. Lockhart. + +The daughter took no notice whatever of this considerate speech, and +sat quite still, looking more serious than Beulah had ever seen her. +Conversation flagged, despite the young teacher's efforts, and she +was heartily glad when the carriage entered the avenue. Her heart +swelled as she caught sight of the noble old cedars, whose venerable +heads seemed to bow in welcome, while the drooping branches held out +their arms, as if to embrace her. Each tree was familiar; even the +bright coral yaupon clusters were like dear friends greeting her +after a long absence. She had never realized until now how much she +loved this home of her early childhood, and large drops dimmed her +eyes as she passed along the walks where she had so often wandered. + +The carriage approached the house, and she saw her quondam guardian +standing before the door. He was bare-headed, and the sunshine fell +like a halo upon his brown, clustering hair, threading it with gold. +He held, in one hand, a small basket of grain, from which he fed a +flock of hungry pigeons. On every side they gathered about him--blue +and white, brown and mottled--some fluttering down from the roof of +the house; two or three, quite tame, perched on his arm, eating from +the basket; and one, of uncommon beauty, sat on his shoulder, cooing +softly. By his side stood Charon, looking gravely on, as if he, wise +soul, thought this familiarity signally impudent. It was a +singularly quiet, peaceful scene, which indelibly daguerreotyped +itself on Beulah's memory. As the carriage whirled round the circle, +and drew up at the door, the startled flock wheeled off; and, +brushing the grain from his hands, Dr. Hartwell advanced to assist +his sister. Pauline sprang out first, exclaiming: + +"You abominable heathen! Why didn't you come to church? Even Dr. +Asbury was out." + +"Guy, you missed an admirable sermon," chimed in Mrs. Lockhart. + +He was disengaging the fringe of Pauline's shawl, which caught the +button of his coat, and, looking up as his sister spoke, his eyes +met Beulah's anxious gaze. She had wondered very much how he would +receive her. His countenance expressed neither surprise nor +pleasure; he merely held out his hand to assist her, saying, in his +usual grave manner: + +"I am glad to see you, Beulah." + +She looked up in his face for some trace of the old kindness; but +the rare, fascinating smile and protective tenderness had utterly +vanished. He returned her look with a calmly indifferent glance, +which pained her more than any amount of sternness could have done. +She snatched her hand from his, and, missing the carriage step, +would have fallen, but he caught and placed her safely on the +ground, saying coolly: + +"Take care; you are awkward." + +She followed Pauline up the steps, wishing herself at home in her +little room. But her companion's gay chat diverted her mind, and she +only remembered how very beautiful was the face she looked on. + +They stood together before a mirror, smoothing their hair, and +Beulah could not avoid contrasting the images reflected. One was +prematurely grave and thoughtful in its expression--the other +radiant with happy hopes. Pauline surmised what was passing in her +friend's mind, and said merrily: + +"For shame, Beulah! to envy me my poor estate of good looks! Why, I +am all nose and eyes, curls, red lips, and cheeks; but you have an +additional amount of brains to balance my gifts. Once I heard Uncle +Guy say that you had more intellect than all the other women and +children in the town! Come; Mr. Lockhart wants to see you very +much." + +She ran down the steps as heedlessly as in her childhood, and Beulah +followed her more leisurely. In the study they found the remainder +of the party; Mr. Lockhart was wrapt in a heavy dressing-gown, and +reclined on the sofa. He welcomed Beulah very warmly, keeping her +hand in his and making her sit down near him. He was emaciated, and +a hacking cough prevented his taking any active part in the +conversation. One glance at his sad face sufficed to show her that +his days on earth were numbered, and the expression with which he +regarded his wife told all the painful tale of an unhappy marriage. +She was discussing the sermon, and declaring herself highly +gratified at the impression which Mr. Mortimor had evidently made on +his large and fashionable congregation. Dr. Hartwell stood on the +hearth, listening in silence to his sister's remarks. The Atlantic +might have rolled between them, for any interest he evinced in the +subject. Pauline was restless and excited; finally she crossed the +room, stood close to her uncle, and, carelessly fingering his watch +chain, said earnestly: "Uncle Guy, what did Ernest mean, this +morning, by a 'Fourieristic-phalanx?'" + +"A land where learned men are captivated by blue eyes and rosy +lips," answered the doctor, looking down into her sparkling face. + +As they stood together Beulah remarked how very much Pauline +resembled him. True, he was pale, and she was a very Hebe, but the +dazzling transparency of the complexion was the same, the silky, +nut-brown hair the same, and the classical chiseling of mouth and +nose identical. Her eyes were "deeply, darkly," matchlessly blue, +and his were hazel; her features were quivering with youthful +joyousness and enthusiasm, his might have been carved in ivory, they +seemed so inflexible; still they were alike. Pauline did not exactly +relish the tone of his reply, and said hastily: + +"Uncle Guy, I wish you would not treat me as if I were an idiot; or, +what is not much better, a two-year-old child! How am I ever to +learn any sense?" + +"Indeed, I have no idea," said he, passing his soft hand over her +glossy curls. + +"You are very provoking! Do you want Ernest to think me a fool?" + +"Have you waked to a consciousness of that danger?" + +"Yes; and I want you to teach me something. Come, tell me what that +thing is I asked you about." + +"Tell you what?" + +"Why, what a--a 'Fourieristic-phalanx' is?" said she earnestly. + +Beulah could not avoid smiling, and wondered how he managed to look +so very serious, as he replied: + +"I know very little about the tactics of Fourieristic-phalanxes, but +believe a phalange is a community or association of about eighteen +hundred persons, who were supposed or intended to practice the +Fourieristic doctrines. In fine, a phalange is a sort of French +Utopia." + +"And where is that, sir?" asked Pauline innocently, without taking +her eyes from his face. + +"Utopia is situated in No-country, and its chief city is on the +banks of the river Waterless." + +"Oh, Uncle Guy! how can you quiz me so unmercifully, when I ask you +to explain things to me?" + +"Why, Pauline, I am answering your questions correctly. Sir Thomas +More professed to describe Utopia, which means No-place, and +mentions a river Waterless. Don't look so desperately lofty. I will +show you the book, if you are so incorrigibly stupid." He passed his +arm round her as he spoke, and kept her close beside him. + +"Mr. Lockhart, is he telling the truth?" cried she incredulously. + +"Certainly he is," answered her stepfather, smiling. + +"Oh, I don't believe either of you! You two think that I am simple +enough to believe any absurdity you choose to tell me. Beulah, what +is Utopia?" + +"Just what your uncle told you. More used Greek words which +signified nothing, in order to veil the satire." + +"Oh, a satire! Now, what is the reason you could not say it was a +satire, you wiseacre?" + +"Because I gave you credit for some penetration, and at least common +sense." + +"Both of which I have proved myself devoid of, I suppose? Thank +you." She threw her arms round his neck, kissed him once or twice, +and laughingly added: "Come now, Uncle Guy, tell me what these +'phalanxes,' as you call them, have to do with Ernest's text?" + +"I really cannot inform you. There is the dinner bell." Unclasping +her arms, he led the way to the dining room. + +Later in the afternoon Mr. Lockhart retired to his own room; his +wife fell asleep on the sofa, and Beulah and Pauline sat at the +parlor window, discussing the various occurrences of their long +separation. Pauline talked of her future--how bright it was; how +very much she and Ernest loved each other, and how busy she would be +when she had a home of her own. She supposed she would be obliged to +give up dancing; she had an indistinct idea that preachers' wives +were not in the habit of indulging in any such amusements, and, as +for the theater and opera, she rather doubted whether either were to +be found in the inland town where she was to reside. Uncle Guy +wished to furnish the parsonage, and, among other things, had +ordered an elegant piano for her; she intended to practice a great +deal, because Ernest was so fond of music. Uncle Guy had a hateful +habit of lecturing her about "domestic affairs," but she imagined +the cook would understand her own business; and if Mr. Mortimor +supposed she was going to play housemaid, why, she would very soon +undeceive him. Beulah was much amused at the childlike simplicity +with which she discussed her future, and began to think the whole +affair rather ludicrous, when Pauline started, and exclaimed, as the +blood dyed her cheeks: + +"There is Ernest coming up the walk!" + +He came in, and greeted her with gentle gravity. He was a dignified, +fine-looking man, with polished manners and perfect self-possession. +There was no trace of austerity in his countenance, and nothing in +his conversation betokening a desire to impress strangers with his +ministerial dignity. He was highly cultivated in all his tastes, +agreeable, and, in fine, a Christian gentleman. Pauline seemed to +consider his remarks oracular, and Beulah could not forbear +contrasting her quietness in his presence with the wild, frolicsome +recklessness which characterized her manner on other occasions. She +wondered what singular freak induced this staid, learned clergyman +to select a companion so absolutely antagonistic in every element of +character. But a glance at Pauline's perfectly beautiful face +explained the mystery. How could anyone help loving her, she was so +radiant and so winning in her unaffected artlessness? + +Beulah conjectured that they might, perhaps, entertain each other +without her assistance, and soon left them for the greenhouse, which +was connected with the parlors by a glass door. Followed by Charon, +who had remained beside her all day, she walked slowly between the +rows of plants, many of which were laden with flowers. Brilliant +clusters of scarlet geranium, pale, fragrant heliotropes, and +camellias of every hue surrounded her. Two or three canary birds, in +richly ornate cages, chirped and twittered continually, and for a +moment she forgot the changes that had taken place since the days +when she sought this favorite greenhouse to study her text-books. +Near her stood an antique China vase containing a rare creeper, now +full of beautiful, star-shaped lilac flowers. Many months before, +her guardian had given her this root, and she had planted it in this +same vase; now the long, graceful wreaths were looped carefully +back, and tied to a slender stake. She bent over the fragrant +blossoms, with a heart brimful of memories, and tears dropped thick +and fast on the delicate petals. Charon gave a short bark of +satisfaction, and, raising her head, she saw Dr. Hartwell at the +opposite end of the greenhouse. He was clipping the withered flowers +from a luxuriant white japonica, the same that once furnished +ornaments for her hair. Evidently, he was rather surprised to see +her there, but continued clipping the faded blossoms, and whistled +to his dog. Charon acknowledged the invitation by another bark, but +nestled his great head against Beulah, and stood quite still, while +she passed her hand caressingly over him. She fancied a smile +crossed her guardian's lips; but when he turned toward her there was +no trace of it, and he merely said: + +"Where is Pauline?" + +"In the parlor, with Mr. Mortimer." + +"Here are the scissors; cut as many flowers as you like." + +He held out the scissors; but she shook her head, and answered +hastily: + +"Thank you; I do not want any." + +He looked at her searchingly, and, observing unshed tears in her +eyes, said, in a kinder tone than he had yet employed: + +"Beulah, what do you want?" + +"Something that I almost despair of obtaining." + +"Child, you are wasting your strength and energies in a fruitless +undertaking. Already you have grown thin and hollow-eyed; your +accustomed contented, cheerful spirit is deserting you. Your self- +appointed task is a hopeless one; utterly hopeless!" + +"I will not believe it," said she firmly. + +"Very well; some day you will be convinced that you are not +infallible." He smiled grimly, and busied himself with his flowers. + +"Sir, you could help me, if you would." She clasped her hands over +his arm, and fixed her eyes on his countenance, with all the +confidence and dependence of other days. + +"Did I ever refuse you anything you asked?" said he, looking down at +the little hands on his arm, and at the pale, anxious face, with its +deep, troubled eyes. + +"No! and it is precisely for that reason that I ask assistance from +you now." + +"I suppose you are reduced to the last necessity. What has become of +your pride, Beulah?" + +"It is all here, in my heart, sir! thundering to me to walk out and +leave you, since you are so unlike yourself!" + +He looked stern and indescribably sad. She glanced up an instant at +his fascinating eyes, and then, laying her head down on his arm, as +she used to do in childhood, said resolutely: + +"Oh, sir! you must aid me. Whom have I to advise me but you?" + +"My advice has about as much weight with you as Charon's would, +could he utter it. I am an admirable counselor only so long as my +opinions harmonize with the dictates of your own will. How am I to +aid you? I went, at twelve o'clock last night, to see a dying man, +and, passing along the street, saw a light burning from your window. +Two hours later, as I returned, it glimmered there still. Why were +you up? Beulah, what is the matter with you? Has your last treatise +on the 'Origin of Ideas' run away with those of its author, and +landed you both in a region of vagaries? Remember, I warned you." + +"Something worse, sir." "Perhaps German metaphysics have stranded +you on the bleak, bald cliffs of Pyrrhonism?" + +"Sir, it seems to me there is a great deal of unmerited odium laid +upon the innocent shoulders of German metaphysics. People declaim +against the science of metaphysics, as if it were the disease +itself; whereas it is the remedy. Metaphysics do not originate the +trouble; their very existence proves the priority of the disease +which they attempt to relieve--" + +"Decidedly a homeopathic remedy," interrupted her guardian, smiling. + +"But, sir, the questions which disturb my mind are older than my +acquaintance with so-called philosophic works. They have troubled me +from my childhood." + +"Nevertheless, I warned you not to explore my library," said he, +with a touch of sorrow in his voice. + +"How, then, can you habitually read books which you are unwilling to +put into my hands?" + +"To me all creeds and systems are alike null. With you, Beulah, it +was once very different." + +"Once! yes, once!" She shuddered at the wild waste into which she +had strayed. + +"What are the questions that have so long disturbed you?" + +"Questions, sir, which, all my life, have been printed on evening +sun-flushed clouds, on rosy sea shells, on pale, sweet, delicate +blossoms, and which I have unavailingly sought to answer for myself. +There are mysteries in physics, morals, and metaphysics that have +wooed me on to an investigation; but the further I wander, deeper +grows the darkness. Alone and unaided I have been forced to brave +these doubts; I have studied, and read, and thought. Cloudy +symbolisms mock me on every side; and the more earnestly I strive to +overtake truth the tighter grow my eyes. Now, sir, you are much +older; you have scaled the dizzy heights of science and carefully +explored the mines of philosophy; and if human learning will avail, +then you can help me. It is impossible for you to have lived and +studied so long without arriving at some conclusion relative to +these vexing questions of this and every other age. I want to know +whether I have ever lived before; whether there is not an anterior +life of my soul, of which I get occasional glimpses, and the memory +of which haunts and disquiets me. This doubt has not been engendered +by casual allusions to Plato's 'reminiscence theory'; before I knew +there was such a doctrine in existence I have sat by your study +fire, pondering some strange coincidences for which I could not +account. It seemed an indistinct outgoing into the far past; a dim +recollection of scenes and ideas, older than the aggregate of my +birthdays; now a flickering light, then all darkness; no clew; all +shrouded in the mystery of voiceless ages. I tried to explain these +psychological phenomena by the theory of association of ideas, but +they eluded an analysis; there was no chain along which memory can +pass. They were like ignes fatui, flashing up from dank caverns and +dying out while I looked upon them. As I grew older I found strange +confirmation in those curious passages of Coleridge and Wordsworth, +[Footnote: Coleridge's "Sonnet on the Birth of a Son." Wordsworth's +"Ode--Intimations of Immortality."] and continually I propound to my +soul these questions: 'If you are immortal, and will exist through +endless ages, have you not existed from the beginning of time? +Immortality knows neither commencement nor ending. If so, whither +shall I go when this material framework is dissolved? to make other +frameworks? to a final rest? Or shall the I, the me, the soul, lose +its former identity? Am I a minute constituent of the all-diffused, +all-pervading Spirit, a breath of the Infinite Essence, one day to +be divested of my individuality? or is God an awful, gigantic, +immutable, isolated Personality? If so, what medium of communication +is afforded? Can the spiritual commune with matter? Can the material +take cognizance of the purely spiritual and divine?' Oh, sir! I know +that you do not accept the holy men of Galilee as His deputed +oracles. Tell me where you find surer prophets. Only show me the +truth--the eternal truth, and I would give my life for it! Sir, how +can you smile at such questions as these--questions involving the +soul's destiny? One might fancy you a second Parrhasius." + +She drew back a step or two and regarded him anxiously, nay, +pleadingly, as though he held the key to the Temple of Truth, and +would not suffer her to pass the portal. A sarcastic smile lighted +his Apollo-like face, as he answered: + +"There is more truth in your metaphor than you imagined; a la +Parrhasius, I do see you, a tortured Prometheus, chained by links of +your own forging to the Caucasus of Atheism. But listen to--" + +"No, no; not that! not Atheism! God save me from that deepest, +blackest gulf!" She shuddered, and covered her face with her hands. + +"Beulah, you alone must settle these questions with your own soul; +my solutions would not satisfy you. For thousands of years they have +been propounded, and yet no answer comes down on the 'cloudy wings +of centuries.' Each must solve to suit his or her peculiar +conformation of mind. My child, if I could aid you I would gladly do +so; but I am no Swedenborg, to whom the arcana of the universe have +been revealed." + +"Still, after a fashion, you have solved these problems. May I not +know what your faith is?" said she earnestly. + +"Child, I have no faith! I know that I exist; that a beautiful +universe surrounds me, and I am conscious of a multitude of +conflicting emotions; but, like Launcelot Smith, I doubt whether I +am 'to pick and choose myself out of myself.' Further than this I +would assure you of nothing. I stand on the everlasting basis of all +skepticism, 'There is no criterion of truth! All must be but +subjectively, relatively true.'" + +"Sir, this may be so as regards psychological abstractions; but can +you be contented with this utter negation of the grand problems of +ontology?" + +"A profound philosophic writer of the age intimates that the various +psychological systems which have so long vexed the world are but +veiled ontologic speculations. What matters the machinery of ideas, +but as enabling philosophy to cope successfully with ontology? +Philosophy is a huge wheel which has been revolving for ages; early +metaphysicians hung their finely spun webs on its spokes, and +metaphysicians of the nineteenth century gaze upon and renew the +same pretty theories as the wheel revolves. The history of +philosophy shows but a reproduction of old systems and methods of +inquiry. Beulah, no mine of ontologic truth has been discovered. +Conscious of this, our seers tell us there is nothing now but +'eclecticism'! Ontology is old as human nature, yet the stone of +Sisyphus continues to roll back upon the laboring few who strive to +impel it upward. Oh, child, do you not see how matters stand? Why, +how can the finite soul cope with Infinite Being? This is one form-- +the other, if we can take cognizance of the Eternal and Self- +existing Being, underlying all phenomena, why, then, we are part and +parcel of that Infinity. Pantheism or utter skepticism--there is no +retreat." + +"I don't want to believe that, sir. I will not believe it. What was +my reason given to me for? Was this spirit of inquiry after truth +only awakened in my soul to mock me with a sense of my nothingness? +Why did my Maker imbue me with an insatiable thirst for knowledge? +Knowledge of the deep things of philosophy, the hidden wonders of +the universe, the awful mysteries of the shadowy spirit realm? Oh, +there are analogies pervading all departments! There is physical +hunger to goad to exertions which will satisfy its demands, and most +tonics are bitter; so, bitter struggles develop and strengthen the +soul, even as hard study invigorates the mind and numerous sorrows +chasten the heart. There is truth for the earnest seeker somewhere-- +somewhere! If I live a thousand years I will toil after it till I +find it. If, as you believe, death is annihilation, then will I make +the most of my soul while I have it. Oh, sir, what is life for? +Merely to eat and drink, to sleep and be clothed? Is it to be only a +constant effort to keep soul and body together? If I thought so I +would rather go back to nothingness this day--this hour! No, no! My +name bids me press on; there is a land of Beulah somewhere for my +troubled spirit. Oh, I will go back to my humble home, and study on, +unguided, unassisted even as I have begun. I cannot rest on your +rock of negation." + +She could not control her trembling voice, and tears of bitter +disappointment fell over her pale, fixed features. A melancholy +smile parted Dr. Hartwell's lips, and, smoothing the bands of +rippling hair which lay on her white brow, he answered in his own +thrilling, musical accents: + +"Child, you are wasting your energies in vain endeavors to build up +walls of foam that--" + +"Sir, I am no longer a child! I am a woman, and--" + +"Yes, my little Beulah, and your woman's heart will not be satisfied +long with these dim abstractions, which now you chase so eagerly. +Mark me, there surely comes a time when you will loathe the bare +name of metaphysics. You are making a very hotbed of your intellect, +while you heart is daily becoming a dreary desert. Take care, lest +the starvation be so complete that eventually you will be unable to +reclaim it. Dialectics answer very well in collegiate halls, but +will not content you. Remember 'Argemone.'" + +"She is a miserable libel on woman's nature and intellect. I scorn +the attempted parallel!" answered Beulah indignantly. + +"Very well; mark me, though, your intellectual pride will yet wreck +your happiness." + +He walked out of the greenhouse, whistling to Charon, who bounded +after him. Beulah saw from the slanting sunlight that the afternoon +was far advanced, and feeling in no mood to listen to Pauline's +nonsense she found her bonnet and shawl, and repaired to the parlor +to say good-by to the happy pair, who seemed unconscious of her long +absence. As she left the house the window of the study was thrown +open, and Dr. Hartwell called out carelessly: + +"Wait, and let me order the carriage." + +"No, thank you." + +"I am going into town directly, and can take you home in the buggy." + +"I will not trouble you; I prefer walking. Good-by." + +He bowed coldly, and she hurried away, glad to reach the gate and +feel that she was once more free from his searching glance and +beyond the sound of his reserved, chilling tones. As she walked on, +groups of happy parents and children were seen in every direction, +taking their quiet Sabbath ramble through the suburbs; and as joyous +voices and innocent laughter fell upon the still air, she remembered +with keen sorrow that she had no ties, no kindred, no companions. +Lilly's cherub face looked out at her from the somber frame of the +past, and Eugene's early friendship seemed now a taunting specter. +In her warm, loving heart were unfathomable depths of intense +tenderness. Was it the wise providence of God which sealed these +wells of affection, or was it a grim, merciless fate which snatched +her idols from her, one by one, and left her heart desolate? Such an +inquiry darted through her mind; but she put it resolutely aside, +and consoled herself much after this fashion: "Why should I question +the circumstances of my life? If the God of Moses guards his +creation, all things are well. If not, life is a lottery, and though +I have drawn blanks thus far, the future may contain a prize, and +for me that prize may be the truth my soul pants after. I have no +right to complain; the very loneliness of my position fits me +peculiarly for the work I have to do. I will labor, and be content." +The cloud passed swiftly from her countenance, and she looked up to +the quiet sky with a brave, hopeful heart. + + + + +CHAPTER XXV. + + +Among the number of gentlemen whom Beulah occasionally met at Dr. +Asbury's house were two whose frequent visits and general demeanor +induced the impression that they were more than ordinarily +interested in the sisters. Frederick Vincent evinced a marked +preference for Georgia, while Horace Maxwell was conspicuously +attentive to Helen. The former was wealthy, handsome, indolent, and +self-indulgent; the latter rather superior, as to business habits, +which a limited purse peremptorily demanded. Doubtless both would +have passed as men of medium capacity, but certainly as nothing +more. In fine, they were fair samples, perfect types of the numerous +class of fashionable young men who throng all large cities. Good- +looking, vain, impudent, heartless, frivolous, and dissipated; +adepts at the gaming table and pistol gallery, ciphers in an +intelligent, refined assembly. They smoked the choicest cigars, +drank the most costly wines, drove the fastest horses, and were +indispensable at champagne and oyster suppers. They danced and +swore, visited and drank, with reckless indifference to every purer +and nobler aim. Notwithstanding manners of incorrigible effrontery +which characterized their clique, the ladies always received them +with marked expressions of pleasure, and the entree of the "first +circle" was certainly theirs. Dr. Asbury knew comparatively little +of the young men who visited so constantly at his house, but of the +two under discussion he chanced to know that they were by no means +models of sobriety, having met them late one night as they supported +each other's tottering forms homeward, after a card and wine party, +which ended rather disastrously for both. He openly avowed his +discontent at the intimacy their frequent visits induced, and +wondered how his daughters could patiently indulge in the heartless +chit-chat which alone could entertain them. But he was a fond, +almost doting father, and seemed to take it for granted that they +were mere dancing acquaintances, whose society must be endured. Mrs. +Asbury was not so blind, and discovered, with keen sorrow and +dismay, that Georgia was far more partial to Vincent than she had +dreamed possible. The mother's heart ached with dread lest her +child's affections were really enlisted, and, without her husband's +knowledge she passed many hours of bitter reflection as to the best +course she should pursue to arrest Vincent's intimacy at the house. +Only a woman knows woman's heart, and she felt that Georgia's +destiny would be decided by the measures she now employed. Ridicule, +invective, and even remonstrance she knew would only augment her +interest in one whom she considered unjustly dealt with. She was +thoroughly acquainted with the obstinacy which formed the stamen of +Georgia's character, and very cautiously the maternal guidance must +be given. She began by gravely regretting the familiar footing Mr. +Vincent had acquired in her family, and urged upon Georgia and Helen +the propriety of discouraging attentions that justified the world in +joining their names. This had very little effect. She was conscious +that because of his wealth Vincent was courted and flattered by the +most select and fashionable of her circle of acquaintances, and +knew, alas! that he was not more astray than the majority of the +class of young men to which he belonged. With a keen pang, she saw +that her child shrank from her, evaded her kind questions, and +seemed to plunge into the festivities of the season with unwonted +zest. From their birth she had trained her daughters to confide +unreservedly in her, and now to perceive the youngest avoiding her +caresses, or hurrying away from her anxious glance, was bitter +indeed. How her pure-hearted darling could tolerate the reckless, +frivolous being in whose society she seemed so well satisfied was a +painful mystery; but the startling reality looked her in the face, +and she resolved, at every hazard, to save her from the misery which +was in store for Fred Vincent's wife. Beulah's quick eye readily +discerned the state of affairs relative to Georgia and Vincent, and +she could with difficulty restrain an expression of the disgust a +knowledge of his character inspired. He was a brother of the Miss +Vincent she had once seen at Dr. Hartwell's, and probably this +circumstance increased her dislike. Vincent barely recognized her +when they chanced to meet, and, of all his antipathies, hatred of +Beulah predominated. He was perfectly aware that she despised his +weaknesses and detested his immoralities; and, while he shrank from +the steadfast gray eyes, calm but contemptuous, he hated her +heartily. + +Cornelia Graham seemed for a time to have rallied all her strength, +and attended parties and kept her place at the opera with a +regularity which argued a complete recovery. Antoinette Dupres was +admired and nattered; the season was unusually gay. What if Death +had so lately held his awful assize in the city? Bereaved families +wrapped their sable garments about lonely hearts, and wept over the +countless mounds in the cemetery; but the wine-cup and song and +dance went their accustomed rounds in fashionable quarters, and +drink, dress, and be merry appeared the all-absorbing thought. Into +this gayety Eugene Graham eagerly plunged; night after night was +spent in one continued whirl; day by day he wandered further astray, +and ere long his visits to Beulah ceased entirely. Antoinette +thoroughly understood the game she had to play, and easily and +rapidly he fell into the snare. To win her seemed his only wish; and +not even Cornelia's keenly searching eyes could check his admiration +and devotion. January had gone; February drew near its close. Beulah +had not seen Eugene for many days and felt more than usually anxious +concerning him, for little intercourse now existed between Cornelia +and herself. One evening, however, as she stood before a glass and +arranged her hair with more than ordinary care, she felt that she +would soon have an opportunity of judging whether reports were true. +If he indeed rushed along the highway to ruin, one glance would +discover to her the fact. Dr. Asbury wished to give Pauline Chilton +a party, and his own and Mrs. Asbury's kind persuasions induced the +orphan to consent to attend. The evening had arrived. She put on her +simple Swiss muslin dress, without a wish for anything more costly, +and entered the carriage her friends had sent to convey her to the +house. The guests rapidly assembled; soon the rooms were thronged +with merry people, whose moving to and fro prevented regular +conversation. The brilliant chandeliers flashed down on rich silks +and satins, gossamer fabrics, and diamonds which blazed dazzlingly. +Pauline was superbly beautiful. Excitement lighted her eyes and +flushed her cheeks, until all paused to gaze at her transcendent +loveliness. It was generally known that ere many days her marriage +would take place, and people looked at her in her marvelous, queenly +beauty, and wondered what infatuation induced her to give her hand +to a minister, when she, of all others present, seemed made to move +in the gay scene where she reigned supreme. From a quiet seat near +the window Beulah watched her airy, graceful form glide through the +quadrille, and feared that in future years she would sigh for the +gayeties which in her destined lot would be withheld from her. She +tried to fancy the dazzling beauty metamorphosed into the staid +clergyman's wife, divested of satin and diamonds, and visiting the +squalid and suffering portion of her husband's flock. But the +contrast was too glaring, and she turned her head to watch for +Eugene's appearance. Before long she saw him cross the room with +Antoinette on his arm. The quadrille had ended, and as, at the +request of one of the guests, the band played a brilliant mazourka, +numerous couples took their places on the floor. Beulah had never +seen the mazourka danced in public; she knew that neither Helen nor +Georgia ever danced the so-called "fancy dances," and was not a +little surprised when the gentlemen encircled the waists of their +partners and whirled away. Her eyes followed Eugene's tall form, as +the circuit of the parlors was rapidly made, and he approached the +corner where she sat. He held his lovely partner close to his heart, +and her head drooped very contentedly on his shoulder. He was +talking to her as they danced, and his lips nearly touched her +glowing cheek. On they came, so close to Beulah that Antoinette's +gauzy dress floated against her, and, as the music quickened, faster +flew the dancers. Beulah looked on with a sensation of disgust which +might have been easily read in her countenance; verily she blushed +for her degraded sex, and, sick of the scene, left the window and +retreated to the library, where the more sedate portion of the +guests were discussing various topics. Here were Mr. and Mrs. +Grayson; Claudia was North, at school. Beulah found a seat near Mrs. +Asbury, and endeavored to banish the painful recollections which +Mrs. Grayson's face recalled. They had not met since the memorable +day when the orphan first found a guardian, and she felt that there +was still an unconquerable aversion in her heart which caused it to +throb heavily. She thought the time tediously long, and when at last +the signal for supper was given, felt relieved. As usual, there was +rushing and squeezing into the supper room, and, waiting until the +hall was comparatively deserted, she ran up to the dressing room for +her shawl, tired of the crowd and anxious to get home again. She +remembered that she had dropped her fan behind one of the sofas in +the parlor, and, as all were at supper, fancied she could obtain it +unobserved, and entered the room for that purpose. A gentleman stood +by the fire; but, without noticing him, she pushed the sofa aside, +secured her fan, and was turning away when a well-known voice +startled her. + +"Beulah, where are you going?" + +"Home, sir." + +"What! so soon tired?" + +"Yes; heartily tired," said she, wrapping her shawl about her. + +"Have you spoken to Eugene to-night?" + +"No." + +Her guardian looked at her very intently, as if striving to read her +soul, and said slowly: + +"Child, he and Antoinette are sitting in the front parlor. I +happened to overhear a remark as I passed them. He is an accepted +lover; they are engaged." + +A quick shiver ran over Beulah's frame, and a dark frown furrowed +her pale brow, as she answered: + +"I feared as much." + +"Why should you fear, child? She is a beautiful heiress, and he +loves her," returned Dr. Hartwell, without taking his eyes from her +face. + +"No; he thinks he loves her, but it is not so. He is fascinated by +her beauty; but I fear the day will come when, discovering her true +character, he will mourn his infatuation. I know his nature, and I +know, too, that she cannot make him happy." + +She turned away; but he walked on with her to the carriage, handed +her in, and said "Good-night" as coldly as usual. Meantime, the +rattle of plates, jingle of forks and spoons, in the supper room, +would have rendered all conversation impossible had not the +elevation of voices kept pace with the noise and confusion. At one +end of the table Cornelia Graham stood talking to a distinguished +foreigner who was spending a few days in the city. He was a handsome +man, with fine colloquial powers, and seemed much interested in a +discussion which he and Cornelia carried on, relative to the society +of American cities as compared with European. A temporary lull in +the hum of voices allowed Cornelia to hear a remark made by a +gentleman quite near her. + +"Miss Laura, who did you say that young lady was that Mrs. Asbury +introduced me to? The one with such magnificent hair and teeth?" + +His companion was no other than Laura Martin, whose mother, having +built an elegant house and given several large parties, was now a +"fashionable," par excellence. Laura elevated her nose very +perceptibly, and answered: + +"Oh, a mere nobody! Beulah Benton. I can't imagine how she contrived +to be invited here. She is a teacher in the public school, I +believe; but that is not the worst. She used to hire herself out as +a servant. Indeed, it is a fact, she was my little brother's nurse +some years ago. I think ma hired her for six dollars a month." She +laughed affectedly, and allowed her escort to fill her plate with +creams. + +Cornelia grew white with anger, and the stranger asked, with a +smile, if he should consider this a sample of the society she +boasted of. Turning abruptly to Laura, she replied, with undisguised +contempt: + +"The Fates forbid, Mr. Falconer, that you should judge American +society from some of the specimens you may see here to-night! +Misfortune placed Miss Benton, at an early age, in an orphan asylum, +and while quite young she left it to earn a support. Mrs. Martin +(this young lady's mother) hired her as a nurse; but she soon left +this position, qualified herself to teach, and now, with a fine +intellect thoroughly cultivated, is the pride of all who can +appreciate true nobility of soul and, of course, an object of envy +and detraction to her inferiors, especially to some of our +fashionable parvenus, whose self-interest prompts them to make money +alone the standard of worth, and who are in the habit of determining +the gentility of different persons by what they have, not what they +are." + +Her scornful glance rested witheringly on Laura's face, and, +mortified and enraged, the latter took her companion's arm and moved +away. + +"I have some desire to become acquainted with one who could deserve +such eulogy from you," answered the foreigner, somewhat amused at +the course the conversation had taken and quite satisfied that +Americans were accustomed to correct false impressions in rather an +abrupt manner. + +"I will present you to her with great pleasure. She is not here; we +must search for her." + +She took his arm, and they looked for Beulah from room to room; +finally, Dr. Hartwell informed Cornelia that she had gone home, and, +tired and out of humor, the latter excused herself and prepared to +follow her friend's example. Her father was deep in a game of whist, +her mother unwilling to return home so soon, and Eugene and +Antoinette--where were they? Dr. Hartwell saw her perplexed +expression, and asked: + +"Whom are you looking for?" + +"Eugene." + +"He is with your cousin on the west gallery. I will conduct you to +them, if you wish it." + +He offered his arm, and noticed the scowl that instantly darkened +her face. Unconsciously her fingers grasped his arm tightly, and she +walked on with a lowering brow. As they approached the end of the +gallery Cornelia saw that the two she sought stood earnestly +conversing. Eugene's arm passed round Antoinette's waist. Dr. +Hartwell watched his companion closely; the light from the window +gleamed over her face and showed it gray and rigid. Her white lips +curled as she muttered: + +"Let us take another turn before I speak to them." + +"Surely you are not surprised?" + +"Oh, no! I am not blind!" + +"It was an unlucky chance that threw your cousin in his path," said +the doctor composedly. + +"Oh, it is merely another link in the chain of fatality which binds +my family to misfortune. She has all the family traits of the +Labords, and you know what they are," cried Cornelia. + +He compressed his lips, and a lightning glance shot out from his +eyes; but he stilled the rising tempest, and replied coldly: + +"Why, then, did you not warn him?" + +"Warn him! So I did. But I might as well grasp at the stars yonder +as hope to influence him in this infatuation." + +Once more they approached the happy pair, and, leaning forward, +Cornelia said hoarsely: + +"Eugene, my father is engaged; come home with me." + +He looked up, and answered carelessly: "Oh, you are leaving too +early. Can't you entertain yourself a little longer?" + +"No, sir." + +Her freezing tone startled him, and for the first time he noticed +the haggard face, with its expression of angry scorn. Her eyes were +fixed on Antoinette, who only smiled and looked triumphantly +defiant. + +"Are you ill, Cornelia? Of course I will take you home if you really +desire it. Doctor, I must consign Miss Dupres to your care till I +return." + +Eugene by no means relished the expression of his sister's +countenance. She bade Dr. Harwell adieu, passed her arm through her +brother's, and they proceeded to their carriage. The ride was short +and silent. On reaching home, Eugene conducted Cornelia into the +house, and was about to return when she said imperiously: + +"A word with you before you go." + +She entered the sitting room, threw her wrappings on a chair, and +began to divest herself of bracelets and necklace. Eugene lighted a +cigar and stood waiting to hear what she might choose to +communicate. Fastening her brilliant black eyes on his face, she +said sneeringly: + +"Eugene Graham, did you learn dissimulation in the halls of +Heidelberg?" + +"What do you mean, Cornelia?" + +"Where did you learn to deceive one who believed you pure and +truthful as an archangel? Answer me that." Her whole face was a +glare of burning scorn. + +"Insulting insinuations are unworthy of you and beneath my notice," +he proudly replied. + +"Well, then, take the more insulting truth! What crawling serpent of +temptation induced you to tell me you expected to marry Beulah? No +evasion! I will not be put off! Why did you deceive me with a +falsehood I was too stupidly trusting to discover until recently?" + +"When I told you so I expected to marry Beulah; not so much because +I loved her, but because I supposed that she rather considered me +bound to her by early ties. I discovered, however, that her +happiness was not dependent on me, and therefore abandoned the +idea." + +"And my peerless cousin is to be your bride, eh?" + +"Yes; she has promised me her hand at an early day." + +"No doubt. You don't deserve anything better. Beulah scorns you; I +see it in her eyes. Marry you! You! Oh, Eugene, she is far too +superior to you. You are blind now; but the day will surely come +when your charmer will, with her own hand, tear the veil from your +eyes, and you will curse your folly. It is of no use to tell you +that she is false, heartless, utterly unprincipled; you will not +believe it, of course, till you find out her miserable defects +yourself. I might thunder warnings in your ears from now till +doomsday, and you would not heed me. But whether I live to see it or +not, you will bitterly rue your infatuation. You will blush for the +name which, as your wife, Antoinette will disgrace. Now leave me." + +She pointed to the door, and, too much incensed to reply, he quitted +the room with a suppressed oath, slamming the door behind him. +Cornelia went up to her own apartment and, without ringing for her +maid, took off the elegant dress she wore, and threw her dressing +gown round her. The diamond hairpins glowed like coals of fire in +her black braids, mocking the gray, bloodless face, and look of +wretchedness. She took out the jewels, laid them on her lap, and +suffered the locks of hair to fall upon her shoulders. Then great +hot tears rolled over her face; heavy sobs convulsed her frame, and, +bowing down her head, the haughty heiress wept passionately. Eugene +was the only being she really loved; for years her hopes and pride +had centered in him. Now down the long vista of coming time she +looked and saw him staggering on to ruin and disgrace. She knew her +own life would at best be short, and felt that now it had lost its +only interest, and she was ready to sink to her last rest rather +than witness his future career. This was the first time she had wept +since the days of early childhood; but she calmed the fearful +struggle in her heart, and, toward dawn, fell asleep, with a +repulsive sneer on her lips. The ensuing day she was forced to +listen to the complacent comments of her parents, who were well +pleased with the alliance. Antoinette was to return home +immediately, the marriage would take place in June, and they were +all to spend the summer at the North; after which it was suggested +that the young couple should reside with Mr. Graham. Cornelia was +standing apart when her mother made this proposition, and, turning +sharply toward the members of her family, the daughter exclaimed: + +"Never! You all know that this match is utterly odious to me. Let +Eugene have a house of his own; I have no mind to have Antoinette +longer in my home. Nay, father; it will not be for a great while. +When I am gone they can come; I rather think I shall not long be in +their way. While I do live, let me be quiet, will you?" + +Her burning yet sunken eyes ran over the group. + +Eugene sprang up and left the room; Antoinette put her embroidered +handkerchief to dry eyes; Mrs. Graham looked distressed; and her +husband wiped his spectacles. But the mist was in his eyes, and +presently large drops fell over his cheeks as he looked at the face +and form of his only child. + +Cornelia saw his emotion; the great floodgate of her heart seemed +suddenly lifted. She passed her white fingers over his gray hair, +and murmured brokenly: + +"My father--my father! I have been a care and a sorrow to you all my +life; I am very wayward and exacting, but bear with your poor child; +my days are numbered. Father, when my proud head lies low in the +silent grave, then give others my place." + +He took her in his arms and kissed her hollow cheek, saying +tenderly: + +"My darling, you break my heart. Have you ever been denied a wish? +What is there that I can do to make you happy?" + +"Give Eugene a house of his own, and let me be at peace in my home. +Will you do this for me?" + +"Yes." + +"Thank you, my father." + +Disengaging his clasping arm, she left them. + +A few days after the party at her house, Mrs. Asbury returned home +from a visit to the asylum (of which she had recently been elected a +manager). In passing the parlor door she heard suppressed voices, +looked in, and, perceiving Mr. Vincent seated near Georgia, retired, +without speaking, to her own room. Securing the door, she sank on +her knees, and besought an all-wise God to direct and aid her in her +course of duty. The time had arrived when she must hazard everything +to save her child from an ill-fated marriage; and though the +mother's heart bled she was firm in her resolve. When Mr. Vincent +took leave, and Georgia had returned to her room, Mrs. Asbury sought +her. She found her moody and disposed to evade her questions. +Passing her arm round her, she said very gently: + +"My dear child, let there be perfect confidence between us. Am I not +more interested in your happiness than anyone else? My child, what +has estranged you of late?" + +Georgia made no reply. + +"What, but my love for you and anxiety for your happiness, could +induce me to object to your receiving Mr. Vincent's attentions?" + +"You are prejudiced against him, and always were!" + +"I judge the young man only from his conduct. You know--you are +obliged to know, that he is recklessly dissipated, selfish, and +immoral." + +"He is no worse than other young men. I know very few who are not +quite as wild as he is. Beside, he has promised to sign the +temperance pledge if I will marry him." + +"My child, you pain me beyond expression. Does the depravity which +prevails here sanction Vincent's dissipation? Oh, Georgia, has +association deprived you of horror of vice? Can you be satisfied +because others are quite as degraded? He does not mean what he +promises; it is merely to deceive you. His intemperate habits are +too confirmed to be remedied now; he began early, at college, and +has constantly grown worse." + +"You are prejudiced," persisted Georgia, unable to restrain her +tears. + +"If I am, it is because of his profligacy! Can you possibly be +attached to such a man?" + +Georgia sobbed and cried heartily. Her good sense told her that her +mother was right, but it was difficult to relinquish the hope of +reforming him. As gently as possible, Mrs. Asbury dwelt upon his +utter worthlessness, and the misery and wretchedness which would +surely ensue from such a union. With streaming eyes, she implored +her to banish the thought, assuring her she would sooner see her in +her grave than the wife of a drunkard. And now the care of years was +to be rewarded; her firm but gentle reasoning prevailed. Georgia had +always reverenced her mother; she knew she was invariably guided by +principle; and now, as she listened to her earnest entreaties, all +her obstinacy melted away. Throwing herself into her mother's arms, +she begged her to forgive the pain and anxiety she had caused her. +Mrs. Asbury pressed her to her heart, and silently thanked God for +the success of her remonstrances. Of all this Dr. Asbury knew +nothing. When Mr. Vincent called the following day Georgia very +decidedly rejected him. Understanding from her manner that she meant +what she said, he became violently enraged; swore, with a solemn +oath, that he would make her repent her trifling; took his hat, and +left the house. This sufficed to remove any lingering tenderness +from Georgia's heart; and from that hour Fred Vincent darkened the +home circle no more. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI. + + +Pauline's wedding day dawned clear and bright, meet for the happy +event it was to chronicle. The ceremony was to be performed in +church, at an early hour, to enable the newly married pair to leave +on the morning boat, and the building was crowded with the numerous +friends assembled to witness the rites. The minister stood within +the altar, and, after some slight delay, Mr. Mortimor led Pauline +down the aisle. Dr. Hartwell and Mrs. Lockhart stood near the altar. +Mr. Lockhart's indisposition prevented his attendance. Satin, blond, +and diamonds were discarded; Pauline was dressed in a gray traveling +habit and wore a plain drab traveling bonnet. + +It was a holy, a touching bridal. The morning sunshine, stealing +through the lofty, arched windows, fell on her pure brow with +dazzling radiance, and lent many a golden wave to the silky, +clustering curls. Pauline was marvelously beautiful; the violet eyes +were dewy with emotion, and her ripe, coral lips wreathed with a +smile of trembling joyousness. Perchance a cursory observer might +have fancied Mr. Mortimor's countenance too grave and thoughtful for +such an occasion; but though the mouth was at rest, and the dark, +earnest eyes sparkled not, there was a light of grateful, chastened +gladness shed over the quiet features. Only a few words were uttered +by the clergyman, and Pauline, the wild, wayward, careless, high- +spirited girl, stood there a wife. She grew deadly pale, and looked +up with a feeling of awe to him who was now, for all time, the +master of her destiny. The vows yet upon her lips bound her +irrevocably to his side, and imposed on her, as a solemn duty, the +necessity of bearing all trials for herself; of smoothing away home +cares from his path; and, when her own heart was troubled, of +putting by the sorrow and bitterness, and ever welcoming his coming +with a word of kindness or a smile of joy. A wife! She must be brave +enough to wrestle with difficulties for herself, instead of wearying +him with all the tedious details of domestic trials, and yet turn to +him for counsel and sympathy in matters of serious import. No longer +a mere self-willed girl, consulting only her own wishes and tastes, +she had given another the right to guide and control her; and now +realizing, for the first time, the importance of the step she had +taken, she trembled in anticipation of the trouble her wayward, +obstinate will would cause her. But with her wonted, buoyant spirit +she turned from all unpleasant reflections, and received the +congratulations of her friends with subdued gayety. Beulah stood at +some distance, watching the April face, checkered with smiles and +tears; and, looking with prophetic dread into the future, she saw +how little genuine happiness could result from a union of natures so +entirely uncongenial. To her the nuptial rites were more awfully +solemn than those of death, for how infinitely preferable was a +quiet resting-place in the shadow of mourning cedars to the lifelong +agony of an unhappy union! She looked up at her quondam guardian, as +he stood, grave and silent, regarding his niece with sadly anxious +eyes; and, as she noted the stern inflexibility of his sculptured +mouth, she thought that he stood there a marble monument, recording +the misery of an ill-assorted marriage. But it was schooltime, and +she approached to say "good-by," as the bridal pair took their seats +in the carriage. Pauline seemed much troubled at bidding her adieu; +she wept silently a minute, then, throwing her arms around Beulah's +neck, whispered pleadingly. + +"Won't you go back to Uncle Guy? Won't you let him adopt you? Do, +please. See how grim and pale he looks. Won't you?" + +"No. He has ceased to care about my welfare; he is not distressed +about me, I assure you. Good-by. Write to me often." + +"Yes, I will; and in vacation Ernest says you are to come up and +spend at least a month with us. Do you hear?" + +The carriage was whirled away, and Beulah walked on to her +schoolroom with a dim foreboding that when she again met the +beautiful, warm-hearted girl sunshine might be banished from her +face. Days, weeks, and months passed by. How systematic industry +speeds the wheels of time! Beulah had little leisure, and this was +employed with the most rigid economy. School duties occupied her +until late in the day; then she gave, every afternoon, a couple of +music lessons and it was not until night that she felt herself +free. The editor of the magazine found that her articles were worth +remuneration, and consequently a monthly contribution had to be +copied and sent in at stated intervals. Thus engaged, spring glided +into summer, and once more a June sun beamed on the city. One +Saturday she accompanied Clara to a jewelry store to make some +trifling purchase, and saw Eugene Graham leaning over the counter, +looking at some sets of pearl and diamonds. He did not perceive her +immediately, and she had an opportunity of scanning his countenance +unobserved. Her lip trembled as she noticed the flushed face and +inflamed eyes, and saw that the hand which held a bracelet was very +unsteady. He looked up, started, and greeted her with evident +embarrassment. She waited until Clara had completed her purchase, +and then said quietly: + +"Eugene, are you going away without coming to see me?" + +"Why, no; I had intended calling yesterday, but was prevented, and I +am obliged to leave this afternoon. By the way, help me to select +between these two pearl sets. I suppose you can imagine their +destination?" + +It was the first time he had alluded to his marriage, and she +answered with an arch smile: + +"Oh, yes! I dare say I might guess very accurately. It would not +require Yankee ingenuity." + +She examined the jewels, and, after giving an opinion as to their +superiority, turned to go, saying: + +"I want to see you a few moments before you leave the city. I am +going home immediately, and any time during the day, when you can +call, will answer." + +He looked curious, glanced at his watch, pondered an instant, and +promised to call in an hour. + +She bowed and returned home, with an almost intolerable weight on +her heart. She sat with her face buried in her hands, collecting her +thoughts, and, when summoned to meet Eugene, went down with a firm +heart, but trembling frame. It was more than probable that she would +be misconstrued and wounded, but she determined to hazard all, +knowing how pure were the motives that actuated her. He seemed +restless and ill at ease, yet curious withal, and, after some +trifling commonplace remarks, Beulah seated herself on the sofa +beside him, and said: + +"Eugene, why have you shunned me so pertinaciously since your return +from Europe?" + +"I have not shunned you, Beulah; you are mistaken. I have been +engaged, and therefore could visit but little." + +"Do not imagine that any such excuses blind me to the truth," said +she, with an impatient gesture. + +"What do you mean?" he answered, unable to bear the earnest, +troubled look of the searching eyes. + +"Oh, Eugene! be honest--be honest! Say at once you shunned me lest I +should mark your altered habits in your altered face. But I know it +all, notwithstanding. It is no secret that Eugene Graham has more +than once lent his presence to midnight carousals over the wine-cup. +Once you were an example of temperance and rectitude, but vice is +fashionable and patronized in this city, and your associates soon +dragged you down from your proud height to their degraded level. The +circle in which you move were not shocked at your fall. Ladies +accustomed to hear of drunken revels ceased to attach disgrace to +them, and you were welcomed and smiled upon, as though you were all +a man should be. Oh, Eugene! I understand why you have carefully +shunned one who has an unconquerable horror of that degradation into +which you have fallen. I am your friend, your best and most +disinterested friend. What do your fashionable acquaintances care +that your moral character is impugned and your fair name tarnished? +Your dissipation keeps their brothers and lovers in countenance; +your once noble, unsullied nature would shame their depravity. Do +you remember one bright, moonlight night, about six years ago, when +we sat in Mrs. Williams' room at the asylum and talked of our +future? Then, with a soul full of pure aspirations, you said: +'Beulah, I have written "Excelsior" on my banner, and I intend, like +that noble youth, to press forward over every obstacle, mounting at +every step, until I too stand on the highest pinnacle and plant my +banner where its glorious motto shall float over the world!' +'Excelsior!' Ah, my brother, that banner trails in the dust! Alpine +heights tower far behind you, dim in the distance, and now with +another motto--'Lower still'--you are rushing down to an awful gulf. +Oh, Eugene! do you intend to go on to utter ruin? Do you intend to +wreck happiness, health, and character in the sea of reckless +dissipation? Do you intend to spend your days in disgusting +intoxication? I would you had a mother, whose prayers might save +you, or a father, whose gray hairs you dared not dishonor, or a +sister to win you back from ruin. Oh, that you and I had never, +never left the sheltering walls of the asylum!" + +She wept bitterly, and, more moved than he chose to appear, Eugene +shaded his face with his fingers. Beulah placed her hand on his +shoulder, and continued falteringly: + +"Eugene, I am not afraid to tell you the unvarnished truth. You may +get angry, and think it is no business of mine to counsel you, who +are older and master of your own fate; but when we were children I +talked to you freely, and why should I not now? True friendship +strengthens with years, and shall I hesitate to speak to you of what +gives me so much pain? In a very few days you are to be married. +Eugene, if the wine-cup is dearer to you than your beautiful bride, +what prospect of happiness has either of you? I had hoped her +influence would deter you from it, at least during her visit here; +but if not then, how can her presence avail in future? Oh, for +Heaven's sake! for Antoinette's, for your own, quit the ranks of +ruin you are in, and come back to temperance and honor. You are +bowing down Cornelia's proud head in humiliation and sorrow. Oh, +Eugene, have mercy on yourself!" + +He tried to look haughty and insulted, but it would not answer. Her +pale face, full of earnest, tearful entreaty, touched his heart, not +altogether indurated by profligate associations. He knew she had not +given an exaggerated account; he had imagined that she would not +hear of his revels; but certainly she told only the truth. Yet he +resolved not to admit the charge, and, shaking off her hand, +answered proudly: + +"If I am the degraded character you flatteringly pronounce me, it +should certainly render my society anything but agreeable to your +fastidious taste. I shall not soon forget your unmerited insults." +He rose as he spoke. + +"You are angry now, Eugene, because I have held up your own portrait +for your inspection. You are piqued because I tell you the truth. +But when all this has subsided, and you think the matter calmly +over, you will be forced to acknowledge that only the purest +friendship could prompt me to remonstrate with you on your ruinous +career. Of course, if you choose, you can soon wreck yourself; you +are your own master; but the infatuation will recoil upon you. Your +disgrace and ruin will not affect me, save that, as your friend, I +should mourn your fall. Ah, Eugene, I have risked your displeasure-- +I have proved my friendship!" + +He took his hat and turned toward the door; but she placed herself +before it, and, holding out both hands, exclaimed sorrowfully: + +"Do not let us part in anger! I am an orphan without relatives or +protectors, and from early years you have been a kind brother. At +least, let us part as friends. I know that in future we shall be +completely alienated, but your friend Beulah will always rejoice to +hear of your welfare and happiness; and if her warning words, kindly +meant, have no effect, and she hears, with keen regret, of your +final ruin, she at least will feel that she honestly and anxiously +did all in her power to save you. Good-by. Shake hands, Eugene, and +bear with you to the altar my sincere wishes for your happiness." + +She held out her hands entreatingly; but he took no notice of the +movement, and, hurrying by, left the house. For a moment Beulah +bowed her head and sobbed; then she brushed the tears from her +cheek, and the black brows met in a heavy frown. True, she had not +expected much else, yet she felt bitterly grieved, and it was many +months are she ceased to remember the pain of this interview; +notwithstanding the contempt she could not avoid feeling for his +weakness. + +The Grahams all accompanied Eugene, and, after the marriage, went +North for the summer. A handsome house was erected near Mr. Graham's +residence, and in the fall the young people were to take possession +of it. Mr. Lockhart rallied sufficiently to be removed to his home +"up the country," and, save Dr. Asbury's family, Beulah saw no one +but Clara and her pupils. With July came the close of the session, +and the young teacher was free again. One afternoon she put on her +bonnet and walked to a distant section of the town to inquire after +Kate Ellison (one of her assistant teachers), who, she happened to +hear, was quite ill. She found her even worse than she had expected, +and, on offering her services to watch over the sick girl, was +anxiously requested to remain with her during the night. She +dispatched a message to Mrs. Hoyt, cheerfully laid aside her bonnet, +and took a seat near the sufferer, while the infirm mother retired +to rest. The family were very poor, and almost entirely dependent on +Kate's salary for a support. The house was small arid comfortless; +the scanty furniture of the plainest kind. About dusk Beulah left +her charge in a sound sleep, and, cautiously opening the blinds, +seated herself on the window sill. The solitary candle on the table +gave but a dim light, and she sat for a long time looking out into +the street and up at the quiet, clear sky. A buggy drew up beneath +the window--she supposed it was the family physician. Mrs. Ellison +had not mentioned his coming, but of course it must be a physician, +and sure enough there was a knock at the door. She straightened one +or two chairs, picked up some articles of clothing scattered about +the floor, and opened the door. + +She knew not what doctor Mrs. Ellison employed, and, as her guardian +entered, she drew back with a start of surprise. She had not seen +him since the morning of Pauline's marriage, five months before, and +then he had not noticed her. Now he stopped suddenly, looked at her +a moment, and said, as if much chagrined: + +"What are you doing here, Beulah?" + +"Nursing Kate, sir. Don't talk so loud; she is asleep," answered +Beulah rather frigidly. + +She did not look at him, but knew his eyes were on her face, and +presently he said: + +"You are always where you ought not to be. That girl has typhus +fever, and, ten to one, you will take it. In the name of common +sense! why don't you let people take care of their own sick, and +stay at home, instead of hunting up cases like a professed nurse? I +suppose the first confirmed case of smallpox you hear of, you will +hasten to offer your services. You don't intend to spend the night +here, it is to be hoped?" + +"Her mother has been sitting up so constantly that she is completely +exhausted, and somebody must assist in nursing Kate. I did not know +that she had any contagious disease; but if she has, I suppose I +might as well run the risk as anybody else. It is but common +humanity to aid the family." + +"Oh! if you choose to risk your life it is your own affair. Do not +imagine for an instant that I expected my advice to weigh an iota +with you." + +He walked off to Kate, felt her pulse, and, without waking her, +proceeded to replenish the glass of medicine on the table. Beulah +was in no mood to obtrude herself on his attention; she went to the +window, and stood with her back to him. She could not tamely bear +his taunting manner, yet felt that it was out of her power to +retort, for she still reverenced him. She was surprised when he came +up to her, and said abruptly: + +"To-day I read an article in 'T----'s Magazine' called the 'Inner +Life,' by 'Delta.'" + +A deep crimson dyed her pale face an instant, and her lips curled +ominously, as she replied, in a would-be indifferent tone: + +"Well, sir?" + +"It is not well, at all. It is very ill. It is most miserable!" + +"Well! what do I care for the article in 'T----'s Magazine'? "These +words were jerked out, as it were, with something like a sneer. + +"You care more than you will ever be brought to confess. Have you +read this precious 'Inner Life'?" + +"Oh, yes!" + +"Have you any idea who the author is?" + +"Yes, sir; I know the author; but if it had been intended or desired +that the public should know, also, the article would never have +appeared over a fictitious signature." + +This "Inner Life," which she had written for the last number of the +magazine, was an allegory, in which she boldly attempted to disprove +the truth of the fact Tennyson has so inimitably embodied in "The +Palace of Art," namely, that love of beauty and intellectual culture +cannot satisfy the God-given aspirations of the soul. Her guardian +fully comprehended the dawning, and as yet unacknowledged dread +which prompted this article, and hastily laying his hand on her +shoulder, he said: + +"Ah, proud girl! you are struggling desperately with your heart. +You, too, have reared a 'palace' on dreary, almost inaccessible +crags; and, because already you begin to weary of your isolation, +you would fain hurl invectives at Tennyson, who explores your +mansion, 'so royal, rich, and wide,' and discovers the grim specters +that dwell with you! You were very miserable when you wrote that +sketch; you are not equal to what you have undertaken. Child, this +year of trial and loneliness has left its impress on your face. Are +you not yet willing to give up the struggle?" + +The moon had risen, and, as its light shone on her countenance, he +saw a fierce blaze in her eyes he had never noticed there before. +She shook off his light touch, and answered: + +"No! I will never give up!" + +He smiled, and left her. + +She remained with her sick friend until sunrise the next morning, +and ere she left the house was rewarded by the assurance that she +was better. In a few days Kate was decidedly convalescent. Beulah +did not take typhus fever. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII. + + +The day was sullen, stormy, and dark. Gray, leaden clouds were +scourged through the sky by a howling southeastern gale, and the +lashed waters of the bay broke along the shore with a solemn, +continued boom. The rain fell drearily, and sheet lightning, pale +and constant, gave a ghastly hue to the scudding clouds. It was one +of those lengthened storms which, during the month of August, are so +prevalent along the Gulf coast. Clara Sanders sat near a window, +bending over a piece of needlework, while, with her hands clasped +behind her, Beulah walked up and down the floor. Their countenances +contrasted vividly; Clara's sweet, placid face, with drooped eyelids +and Madonna-like serenity; the soft, auburn hair curled about her +cheeks, and the delicate lips in peaceful rest. And Beulah!--how +shall I adequately paint the gloom and restlessness written in her +stormy countenance? To tell you that her brow was bent and lowering, +that her lips were now unsteady and now tightly compressed, and that +her eyes were full of troubled shadows, would convey but a faint +impression of the anxious discontent which seemed to have taken +entire possession of her. Clara glanced at her, sighed, and went on +with her work; she knew perfectly well she was in no humor for +conversation. The rain increased until it fell in torrents, and the +hoarse thunder muttered a dismal accompaniment. It grew too dark to +see the stitches; Clara put by her work, and, folding her hands on +her lap, sat looking out into the storm, listening to the roar of +the rushing wind, as it bowed the treetops and uplifted the white- +capped billows of the bay. Beulah paused beside the window, and said +abruptly: + +"It is typical of the individual, social, moral, and intellectual +life. Look which way you will, you find antagonistic elements +fiercely warring. There is a broken cog somewhere in the machinery +of this plunging globe of ours. Everything organic, and inorganic, +bears testimony to a miserable derangement. There is not a +department of earth where harmony reigns. True, the stars are +serene, and move in their everlasting orbits, with fixed precision, +but they are not of earth; here there is nothing definite, nothing +certain. The seasons are regular, but they are determined by other +worlds. Verily, the contest is still fiercely waged between Ormuzd +and Ahriman, and the last has the best of it, so far. The three +thousand years of Ahriman seem dawning." + +She resumed her walk, and, looking after her anxiously, Clara +answered: + +"But remember, the 'Zend-Avesta' promises that Ormuzd shall finally +conquer and reign supreme. In this happy kingdom I love to trace the +resemblance to the millennium which was shown St. John on lonely +Patmos." + +"It is small comfort to anticipate a time of blessedness for future +generations. What benefit is steam or telegraph to the moldering +mummies of the catacombs? I want to know what good the millennium +will do you and me when our dust is mingled with mother earth, in +some silent necropolis?" + +"Oh, Beulah, what ails you to-day? You look so gloomy and wretched. +It seems to me you have changed sadly of late. I knew that a life of +labor such as you voluntarily assumed would chasten your spirit, but +I did not expect this utter revolution of your natura so soon. Oh, +have done with skepticism!" + +"Faith in creeds is not to be put on and laid aside at will, like a +garment. Granted that these same doctrines of Zoroaster are faint +adumbrations of the Hebrew creed, the Gordian knot is by no means +loosed. That prologue in 'Faust' horrified you yesterday; yet, upon +my word, I don't see why; for very evidently it is taken from Job, +and Faust is but an ideal Job, tempted in more subtle manner than by +the loss of flocks, houses, and children. You believe that Satan was +allowed to do his utmost to ruin Job, and Mephistopheles certainly +set out on the same fiendish mission. Mephistopheles is not the +defiant demon of Milton, but a powerful prince in the service of +God. You need not shudder; I am giving no partial account; I merely +repeat the opinion of many on this subject. It is all the same to +me. Evil exists: that is the grim fact. As to its origin--I would +about as soon set off to search for the city Asgard." + +"Still, I would not give my faith for all your learning and +philosophy. See what it has brought you to," answered Clara +sorrowfully. + +"Your faith! what does it teach you of this evil principle?" +retorted Beulah impatiently. + +"At least more than all speculation has taught you. You admit that +of its origin you know nothing; the Bible tells me that time was +when earth was sinless, and man holy, and that death and sin entered +the world by man's transgression--" + +"Which I don't believe," interrupted Beulah. + +"So you might sit there and stop your ears and close your eyes and +assert that this was a sunny, serene day. Your reception or +rejection of the Biblical record by no means affects its +authenticity. My faith teaches that the evil you so bitterly +deprecate is not eternal; shall finally be crushed, and the harmony +you crave pervade all realms. Why an All-wise and All-powerful God +suffers evil to exist is not for his finite creatures to determine. +It is one of many mysteries which it is as utterly useless to bother +over as to weave ropes of sand." + +She gathered up her sewing materials, put them in her basket, and +retired to her own room. Beulah felt relieved when the door closed +behind her, and, taking up Theodore Parker's "Discourses," began to +read. Poor, famishing soul! what chaff she eagerly devoured! In her +anxious haste she paused not to perceive that the attempted +refutations of Christianity contained objections more gross and +incomprehensible than the doctrine assailed. Long before she had +arrived at the conclusion that ethical and theological truth must be +firmly established on psychological foundations, hence she plunged +into metaphysics, studying treatise after treatise and system after +system. To her grievous disappointment, however, the psychology of +each seemed different, nay opposed. She set out believing her +"consciousness" the infallible criterion of truth; this she fancied +philosophy taught, at least professed to teach; but instead of +unanimity among metaphysicians, she found fierce denunciation of +predecessors, ingenious refutations of principles which they had +evolved from rigid analysis of the facts of consciousness, and an +intolerant dogmatism which astonished and confused her. One extolled +Locke as an oracle of wisdom; another ridiculed the shallowness of +his investigations and the absurdity of his doctrines; while a third +showed conclusively that Locke's assailant knew nothing at all of +what he wrote, and maintained that he alone could set matters right. +She studied Locke for herself. Either he was right and all the +others were wrong, or else there was no truth in any. Another +philosopher professed to ground some points of his faith on certain +principles of Descartes; the very next work she read proclaimed that +Descartes never held any such principles, that the writer had +altogether mistaken his views; whereupon up started another, who +informed her that nobody knew what Descartes really did believe on +the subject under discussion; that it was a mooted question among +his disciples. This was rather discouraging, but, nothing daunted, +she bought, borrowed, and read on. + +Brown's descent upon Reid greatly interested her. True, there were +very many things she could not assent to; yet the arguments seemed +plausible enough, when lo! a metaphysical giant rescues Reid; tells +her that Brown was an ignoramus; utterly misunderstood the theory he +set himself to criticise, and was a wretched bungler; after which he +proceeds to show that although Brown had not acumen enough to +perceive it, Reid had himself fallen into grave errors and culpable +obscurity. Who was right, or who was wrong, she could not for her +life decide. It would have been farcical, indeed, had she not been +so anxiously in earnest. Beginning to distrust herself, and with a +dawning dread lest after all psychology would prove an incompetent +guide, she put by the philosophies themselves and betook herself to +histories of philosophy, fancying that here all bitter invective +would be laid aside, and stern impartiality prevail. Here the evil +she fled from increased fourfold. One historian of philosophy (who +was a great favorite of her guardian), having lost all confidence in +the subjects he treated, set himself to work to show the fallacy of +all systems, from Anaximander to Cousin. She found the historians of +philosophy as much at variance as the philosophers themselves, and +looked with dismay into the dim land of vagaries into which +metaphysics had drawn the brightest minds of the past. Then her +guardian's favorite quotation recurred to her with painful +significance: "There is no criterion of truth; all is merely +subjective truth." It was the old skeptical palladium, ancient as +metaphysics. She began to despair of the truth in this direction; +but it certainly existed somewhere. She commenced the study of +Cousin with trembling eagerness; if at all, she would surely find in +a harmonious "Eclecticism" the absolute truth she has chased through +so many metaphysical doublings. "Eclecticism" would cull for her the +results of all search and reasoning. For a time she believed she had +indeed found a resting-place; his "true" satisfied her; his +"beautiful" fascinated her; but when she came to examine his +"Theodieea," and trace its results, she shrank back appalled. She +was not yet prepared to embrace his subtle pantheism. Thus far had +her sincere inquiries and efforts brought her. It was no wonder her +hopeful nature grew bitter and cynical; no wonder her brow was bent +with puzzled thought and her pale face haggard and joyless. Sick of +systems, she began to search her own soul; did the very thing of all +others best calculated to harass her mind and fill it with +inexplicable mysteries. She constituted her own reason the sole +judge; and then, dubious of the verdict, arraigned reason itself +before itself. Now began the desperate struggle. Alone and unaided, +she wrestled with some of the grimmest doubts that can assail a +human soul. The very prevalence of her own doubts augmented the +difficulty. On every side she saw the footprints of skepticism; in +history, essays, novels, poems, and reviews. Still her indomitable +will maintained the conflict. Her hopes, aims, energies, all +centered in this momentous struggle. She studied over these world- +problems until her eyes grew dim and the veins on her brow swelled +like cords. Often gray dawn looked in upon her, still sitting before +her desk, with a sickly, waning lamplight gleaming over her pallid +face. And to-day, as she looked out on the flying clouds, and +listened to the mournful wail of the rushing gale, she seemed to +stand upon the verge of a yawning chaos. What did she believe? She +knew not. Old faiths had crumbled away; she stood in a dreary waste, +strewn with the wreck of creeds and systems; a silent desolation! +And with Richter's Christ she exclaimed: "Oh! how is each so +solitary in this wide grave of the All? I am alone with myself. Oh, +Father! oh, Father, where is thy infinite bosom, that I might rest +on it?" A belief in something she must have; it was an absolute +necessity of the soul. There was no scoffing tendency in her +skepticism; she could not jest over the solemn issues involved, and +stood wondering which way she should next journey after this "pearl +of great price." It was well for her that garlands of rhetoric and +glittering logic lay over the pitfalls before her; for there were +unsounded abysses, darker than any she had yet endeavored to fathom. +Clara came back, and softly laid her hand on her friend's arm. + +"Please put up your book and sing something for me, won't you?" + +Beulah looked at the serene countenance, so full of resignation, and +answered gloomily: + +"What! are you, too, tired of listening to this storm-anthem nature +has treated us to for the last two days? It seems to me the very +universe, animate and inanimate, is indulging in an uncontrollable +fit of the 'blues.' One would almost think the dead-march was being +played up and down the aisles of creation." + +She pressed her hands to her hot brow, as if to wipe away the +cobwebs that dimmed her vision, and, raising the lid of the piano, +ran her fingers over the keys. + +"Sing me something hopeful and heart-cheering," said Clara. + +"I have no songs of that description." + +"Yes, you have: 'Look Aloft' and the 'Psalm of Life.'" + +"No, no. Impossible. I could not sing either now," replied Beulah, +averting her face. + +"Why not now? They are the excelsior strains of struggling pilgrims. +They were written for the dark hours of life." + +"They are a mockery to me. Ask me for anything else," said she, +compressing her lips. + +Clara leaned her arm on the piano, and, looking sadly at her +companion, said, as if with a painful effort: + +"Beulah, in a little while we shall be separated, and only the All- +Father knows whether we shall meet on earth again. My application +for that situation as governess up the country brought me an answer +to-day. I am to go very soon." + +Beulah made no reply, and Clara continued sorrowfully: + +"It is very painful to leave my few remaining friends and go among +perfect strangers, but it is best that I should." She leaned her +head on her hand, and wept. + +"Why is it best?" + +"Because here I am constantly reminded of other days and other +hopes, now lying dead on my heart. But we will not speak of this. Of +all my ties here, my love for you is now the strongest. Oh, Beulah, +our friendship has been sacred, and I dread the loneliness which +will be my portion when hundreds of miles lie between us! The links +that bind orphan hearts like ours are more lasting than all others." + +"I shall be left entirely alone, if you accept this situation. You +have long been my only companion. Don't leave me, Clara," murmured +Beulah, while her lips writhed and quivered. + +"You will have the Asburys still, and they are sincere friends." + +"Yes, friends, but not companions. What congeniality is there +between those girls and myself? None. My isolation will be complete +when you leave me." + +"Beulah, will you let me say what is in my heart?" + +"Say it freely, my brown-eyed darling." + +"Well, then, Beulah; give it up; give it up. It will only bow down +your heart with untold cares and sorrows." + +"Give up what?" + +"This combat with loneliness and poverty." + +"I am not lonely," answered Beulah, with a wintry smile. + +"Oh, Beulah! yes, you are; wretchedly lonely. I have been but a poor +companion for you; intellectually, you are far beyond me, and there +has been little congeniality in our tastes and pursuits. I have +always known this; and I know, too, that you never will be a happy +woman until you have a companion equal in intellect, who understands +and sympathizes with you. Ah, Beulah! with all your stubborn pride, +and will, and mental endowments, you have a woman's heart; and crush +its impulses as you may, it will yet assert its sway. As I told you +long ago, grammars, and geographies, and duty could not fill the +void in my heart; and, believe me, neither will metaphysics and +philosophy and literature satisfy you. Suppose you do attain +celebrity as a writer. Can the plaudits of strangers bring back to +your solitary hearth the loved dead, or cheer you in your hours of +gloom? I too am an orphan; I speak of what I can appreciate. You are +mistaken, Beulah, in thinking you can dispense with sympathy. You +are not sufficient for yourself, as you have so proudly maintained. +God has created us for companionship; it is a necessity of human +nature." + +"Then why are you and I orphaned for all time?" asked Beulah coldly. + +"The sablest clouds of sorrow have silver linings. Perhaps that you +and I might turn more continually to the God of orphans. Beulah, God +has not flooded earth with eternal sunlight. He knew that shadows +were needed to chasten the spirits of his children, and teach them +to look to him for the renewal of all blessings. But shadows are +fleeting, and every season of gloom has its morning star. Oh, I +thank God that his own hand arranged the chiaroscuro of earth!" She +spoke earnestly; the expression of her eyes told that her thoughts +had traveled into the dim, weird land of futurity. Beulah offered no +comment; but the gloom deepened on her brow and her white fingers +crept restlessly over the piano keys. After a moment's silence, +Clara continued: + +"I would not regret our separation so much if I left you in the +possession of Christian faith; armed with a perfect trust in the +religion of Jesus Christ. Oh, Beulah, it makes my heart ache when I +think of you, struggling so fiercely in the grasp of infidelity! +Many times have I seen the light shining beneath your door, long +after midnight, and wept over the conflict in which I knew you were +engaged; and only God knows how often I have mingled your name in my +prayers, entreating him to direct you in your search, to guide you +safely through the paths of skepticism, and place your weary feet +upon the 'rock of ages.' Oh, Beulah, do not make my prayers vain by +your continued questioning! Come back to Christ and the Bible." +Tears glided down her cheeks as she passed her arm round her friend, +and dropped her head on her shoulder. Beulah's eyelids trembled an +instant, but there was no moisture in the gray depths, as she +answered: + +"Thank you, Clara, for your interest. I am glad you have this faith +you would fain lead me to. Not for worlds would I unsettle it, even +if I could. You are comforted in your religion, and it is a +priceless blessing to you. But I am sincere, even in my skepticism. +I am honest; and God, if he sees my heart, sees that I am. I may be +an infidel, as you call me, but, if so, I am an honest one; and if +the Bible is all true, as you believe, God will judge my heart. But +I shall not always be skeptical; I shall find the truth yet. I know +it is a tedious journey I have set out on, and it may be my life +will be spent in the search; but what of that, if at last I attain +the goal? What if I only live to reach it? What will my life be to +me without it?" + +"And can you contentedly contemplate your future, passed as this +last year has been?" cried Clara. + +"Perhaps 'contentedly' is scarcely the right term. I shall not +murmur, no matter how dreary the circumstances of my life may be, +provided I succeed at last," replied Beulah resolutely. + +"Oh, Beulah, you make my heart ache!" + +"Then try not to think of or care for me." + +"There is another heart, dear Beulah, a heart sad but noble, that +you are causing bitter anguish. Are you utterly indifferent to this +also?" + +"All of the last exists merely in your imagination. We will say no +more about it, if you please." + +She immediately began a brilliant overture, and Clara retreated to +the window. With night the roar of the tempest increased; the rain +fell with a dull, uninterrupted patter, the gale swept furiously on, +and the heaving, foaming waters of the bay gleamed luridly beneath +the sheet-lightning. Clara stood looking out, and before long Beulah +joined her; then the former said suddenly: + +"Do you remember that, about six years ago, a storm like this tossed +the 'Morning Star' far from its destined track, and for many days it +was unheard of? Do you remember, too, that it held one you loved; +and that, in an agony of dread lest he should find a grave among +coral beds, you bowed your knee in prayer to Almighty God, imploring +him to calm the tempest, hush the gale, and save him who was so dear +to you? Ah, Beulah, you distrusted human pilots then!" + +As Beulah made no reply, she fancied she was pondering her words. +But memory had flown back to the hour when she knelt in prayer for +Eugene, and she thought she could far better have borne his death +then, in the glorious springtime of his youth, than know that he had +fallen from his noble height. Then she could have mourned his loss +and cherished his memory ever after; now she could only pity and +despise his folly. What was that early shipwreck she so much +dreaded, in comparison with the sea of vice, whose every wave tossed +him helplessly on to ruin. He had left her an earnest believer in +religion; he came back scoffing at everything sacred. This much she +had learned from Cornelia. Was there an intimate connection between +the revolutions in his nature? Misled by her silence, Clara said +eagerly: + +"You were happy in that early faith. Oh, Beulah, you will never find +another so holy, so comforting!" + +Beulah frowned and looked up impatiently. + +"Clara, I am not to be persuaded into anything. Leave me to myself. +You are kind, but mistaken." + +"If I have said too much, forgive me; I was actuated by sincere +affection and pity for your state of mind." + +"I am not an object of pity by any means," replied Beulah very +coldly. + +Clara was unfortunate in her expressions; she seemed to think so, +and turned away. But, conscious of having spoken hastily, Beulah +caught her hand, and exclaimed frankly: + +"Do not be hurt with me; I did not intend to wound you. Forgive me, +Clara. Don't go. When are you to leave for your new home?" + +"Day after to-morrow. Mr. Arlington seems anxious that I should come +immediately. He has three children--a son and two daughters. I hope +they are amiable; I dread lest they prove unruly and spoiled. If so, +woe to their governess." + +"Does Mr. Arlington reside in the village to which you directed your +letter?" + +"No. He resides on his plantation, several miles from the village. +The prospect of being in the country is the only redeeming feature +in the arrangement. I hope my health will be permanently restored by +the change; but of the success of my plan only time can decide." + +"And when shall we meet again?" said Beulah slowly. + +"Perhaps henceforth our paths diverge widely. We may meet no more on +earth; but, dear Beulah, there is a 'peaceful shore, where billows +never beat nor tempests roar,' where assuredly we shall spend an +eternity together if we keep the faith here. Oh, if I thought our +parting now was for all time I should mourn bitterly, very bitterly; +but I will not believe it. The arms of our God support you. I shall +always pray that he will guide and save you." She leaned forward, +kissed Beulah's forehead, and left the room. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII. + + +One afternoon in October the indisposition of one of her music +pupils released Beulah earlier than usual, and she determined to +seize this opportunity and visit the asylum. Of the walk across the +common she never wearied; the grass had grown brown, and, save the +deep, changeless green of the ancient pines, only the hectic +coloring of the dying year met her eye. The day was cool and windy, +and the common presented a scene of boisterous confusion, which she +paused to contemplate. A number of boys had collected to play their +favorite games; balls flew in every direction and merry shouts rang +cheerily through the air. She looked on a few moments at their +careless, happy sports, and resumed her walk, feeling that their +joyousness was certainly contagious, she was so much lighter-hearted +from having watched their beaming faces and listened to their +ringing laughter. + +As she drew near the asylum gate memory began to pass its fingers +over her heart; but here, too, sounds of gladness met her. The +orphans were assembled on the lawn in front of the building, +chatting as cheerfully as though they were all members of one +family. The little ones trundled hoops and chased each other up and +down the graveled walks; some of the boys tossed their balls, and a +few of the larger girls were tying up chrysanthemums to slender +stakes. They were dressed alike; all looked contented, neat, and +happy, and their rosy faces presented a noble tribute to the +efficacy and untold blessings of the institution. To many of them +Beulah was well known. She threw off her bonnet and shawl, and +assisted the girls in their work among the flowers, while the little +ones gathered around her, lisping their childish welcome and coaxing +her to join in their innocent games. The stately China trees, where, +in years gone by, Lilly and Claudy had watched the chirping robins, +were again clad in their rich, golden livery; and, as Beulah looked +up at the red brick walls that had sheltered her head in the early +days of orphanage, it seemed but yesterday that she trod these walks +and listened to the wintry wind sighing through these same loved +trees. The children told her that their matron had been sick and was +not yet quite well, and, needing no pilot, Beulah went through the +house in search of her. She found her at last in the storeroom, +giving out materials for the evening meal, and had an opportunity of +observing the change which had taken place in the last few months. +She was pale and thin, and her sharpened features wore a depressed, +weary expression; but, turning round, she perceived Beulah, and a +glad smile broke instantly over her countenance as she clasped the +girl's hand in both hers. + +"Dear child, I have looked for you a long time. I did not think you +would wait so many weeks. Come in and sit down." + +"I did not know you had been sick until I came and heard the +children speak of it. You should have sent met word. I see you have +not entirely recovered." + +"No; I am quite feeble yet; but, in time, I hope I shall be well +again. Ah, Beulah, I have wanted to see you so much! so much! Child, +it seems to me I shall never get used to being separated from you." + +Beulah sat on the sofa near her, and the matron's withered hands +were passed caressingly over the glossy bands of hair which lay on +the orphan's white temples. + +"I love to come here occasionally; it does me good. But not too +often; that would be painful, you know." + +Beulah spoke in a subdned voice, while memory painted the evening +when Eugene had sought her in this apartment and wiped away her +tears for Lilly's absence. Her features twitched as she thought of +the bitter changes that rolling years work, and she sighed +unconsciously. The matron's hands were still smoothing her hair, and +presently she said, with an anxious, scrutinizing look: + +"Have you been sick since you were here last?" + +"No. What makes you imagine such a thing?" + +"Dear child, I do not imagine; I know you look worn and ill. Why, +Beulah, hold up your hand; there, see how transparent it is! Almost +like wax! Something ails you, child; that I know well enough." + +"No, I assure you, I am not ill. Sometimes, of late, I have been +troubled with the old headaches you used to cure when I was a child; +but, on the whole, I am well." + +"Beulah, they tell me Eugene is married," said the kind-hearted +woman, with another look at the quiet face beside her. + +"Yes; he was married nearly five months ago." A tremor passed over +her lips as she spoke. + +"Did you see his wife?" + +"Yes; she is a very pretty woman. I may say, a beautiful woman; but +she does not suit him. At least, I am afraid she will not." + +"Ah, I knew as much! I thought as much!" cried Mrs. Williams. + +"Why?" asked Beulah wonderingly. + +"Oh, money cloaks all faults, child. I knew he did not marry her for +love!" + +Beulah started a little, and said hastily: + +"You do him injustice--great injustice! Eugene was charmed by her +beauty, not her fortune?" + +"Oh, heiresses are always beautiful and charming in the eyes of the +world! Beulah, do you know that I watched for Eugene, for days, and +weeks, and months after his return from Europe? I wanted to see him- +-oh, so much! I loved you both as though you were my own children. I +was so proud of that boy! I had raised him from a crawling infant, +and never dreamed that he would forget me. But he did not come. I +have not seen him since he left, six years ago, for Germany. Oh, the +boy has pained me--pained me! I loved him so much!" + +Beulah's brow clouded heavily, as she said: + +"It is better so--better that you should not see him. He is not what +he was when he quitted us." + +"Is it true, then, that he drinks--that he is wild and dissipated? I +heard it once, but would not believe it. Oh, it can't be that Eugene +drinks?" + +"Yes, he drinks--not to stupid intoxication, but too freely for his +health and character. He does not look like himself now." + +Mrs. Williams bowed down her head and wept bitterly, while Beulah +continued sorrowfully: + +"His adoption was his ruin. Had he remained dependent on his +individual exertions he would have grown up an honor to himself and +his friends. But Mr. Graham is considered very wealthy, and Eugene +weakly desisted from the honest labor which was his duty. His +fashionable associates have ruined him. In Europe he learned to +drink, and here his companions dragged him constantly into scenes of +dissipation. But I do not despair of him yet. It may be long before +he awakens from this infatuation; but I trust he will yet reform. I +cannot bear to think of him as a confirmed drunkard! Oh, no! no! I +may be wrong, but I still hope that his nobler nature will conquer." + +"God help the boy! I have prayed for him for years, and I shall pray +for him still, though he has forgotten me." + +She sobbed, and covered her face with her apron. A joyless smile +flitted over Beulah's fixed, grave features, as she said +encouragingly: + +"He will come to see you when he returns from the North. He has not +forgotten you--that is impossible. Like me, he owes you too much." + +"I shall leave here very soon," said Mrs. Williams, wiping her eyes. + +"Leave the asylum! for what?" + +"I am getting old, child, and my health is none of the best. The +duties are very heavy here, and I am not willing to occupy the +position unless I could discharge all the duties faithfully. I have +sent in my resignation to the managers, and as soon as they succeed +in getting another matron, I shall leave the asylum. I am sorry to +be obliged to go; I have been here so long that I am very much +attached to the place and the children. But I am not able to do what +I have done, and I know it is right that I should give up the +position." + +"What are you going to do?" + +"I have means enough to live plainly the remainder of my life. I +intend to rent or buy a small house, and settle down and be quiet. I +feel now as if I should like to spend my days in peace." + +"Do you intend to live alone?" + +"Yes, child; except a servant, I suppose I shall be quite alone. But +you will come to see me often, and perhaps Eugene will remember me +some day, when he is in trouble." + +"No, I shall not come to see you at all! I mean to come and live +with you--that is, if I may?" cried Beulah, springing up and laying +her hand on the matron's. + +"God bless you, dear child; how glad I shall be!" She wound her arms +round the slender form, and laughed through her tears. + +Beulah gently put back the gray locks that had fallen from the +border of her cap, and said hopefully: + +"I am sick of boarding--sick of town! Let us get a nice little +house, where I can walk in and out to my school. Have you selected +any particular place?" + +"No. I have looked at two or three, but none suited me exactly. Now +you can help me. I am so thankful you are going to be with me! Will +you come as soon as I can be released here?" + +"Yes; just as soon as you are ready for me; and I think I know a +house for rent which will just suit us. Now I want it understood +that I am to pay the rent." + +"Oh, no, child! I won't hear to it, for I am--" + +"Very well, then; I will stay where I am." + +"Oh, Beulah! you are not in earnest?" + +"Yes, I am; so say no more about it. I will come on no other +condition. I will see the owner of the house, ascertain what I can +obtain it for, and send you word. Then you can look at it and +decide." + +"I am quite willing to trust it to you, child; only I can't bear the +thought of your paying the rent for it. But we can arrange that +afterward." + +"No; you must be perfectly satisfied with the house. I will go by +this evening and find out about it, so as to let you know at once. +Have you any idea when the 'board' will procure another matron?" + +"They have advertised, and several persons applied, I believe, but +they were not exactly pleased with the applicants. I suppose, +however, that in a few days they will find a substitute for me." + +"Well, be sure you get a good servant; and now I must go." + +She put on her bonnet and shawl with unwonted haste, and ran down +the steps. In her frequent walks she had noticed two cottages in +course of erection, not very far from the pine grove in front of the +asylum, and now, crossing the common, she directed her steps toward +them. The lots were small, and belonged to Dr. Asbury, who said he +would build a couple of cottages for poor families to rent at cheap +rates. As Beulah approached the houses she saw the doctor's buggy +standing near the door, and, thinking it a good omen, quickened her +steps. Each building contained only three rooms and a hall, with a +gallery or rather portico in front. They were genuine cottages +ornes, built after Downing's plans, and presented a tasteful, +inviting appearance. The windows were arched and the woodwork +elaborately carved. Beulah pushed open the freshly painted gate, ran +up the steps and into the hall. The carpenters were still at work in +the kitchen, and, as she conjectured, here she found her friend, +giving some final directions. She looked round the snug little +kitchen, and, walking up to Dr. Asbury, who stood with his back to +the door, she shook his hand with a cheerful salutation. + +"Halloo, Beulah! where did you drop from? Glad to see you. Glad to +see you. How came you prying into my new houses? Answer me that! Did +you see my spouse as you came through the hall?" + +"No; I will go back and hunt for her--" + +"You need not; there she comes down the steps of the house. She +would insist on seeing about some shelves for this precious kitchen; +thinks I am bound to put pantries, and closets, and shelves all over +the house, for my future tenants. I suppose before the first poor +family takes possession I shall be expected to fill the closet with +table linen and cutlery, and the larder with sugar, flour, and wax +candles. Look here, Mrs. Asbury, how many more shelves is this +kitchen to have?" + +"It is well she has a conscience, sir, since nature denied you one," +answered Beulah, whom Mrs. Asbury received very affectionately. + +"Conscience! Bless my soul! she has none, as regards my unlucky +purse. Positively she wanted to know, just now, if I would not have +that little patch of ground between the house and the paling laid +off into beds; and if I would not plant a few rose bushes and vines, +for the first rascally set of children to tear up by the roots, just +as soon as their parents moved in. There's conscience for you with a +vengeance." + +"And what did you say, sir?" + +"What did I say? Why, just what every other meek husband says to +appeals which 'won't cost much, you know.' Of course I had no +opinion of my own. Madame, here, is infallible; so I am put down for +maybe a hundred dollars more. You need not have asked the result, +you true daughter of Eve; every one of you understand wheedling. +Those two mischievous imps of mine are almost as great adepts as +their mother. Hey, Beulah, no whispering there! You look as wise as +an owl. What am I to do next? Paper the walls and fresco the +ceilings? Out with it." + +"I want to ask, sir, how much rent your conscience will allow you to +demand for this pigeon-box of a house?" + +"Well, I had an idea of asking two hundred dollars for it. Cheap +enough at that. You may have it for two hundred," said he, with a +good-humored nod toward Beulah. + +"Very well, I will take it at that, provided Mrs. Williams likes it +as well as I do. In a day or two I will determine." + +"In the name of common sense, Beulah, what freak is this?" said the +doctor, looking at her with astonishment. + +"I am going to live with the matron of the asylum, whom you know +very well. I think this house will suit us exactly, and the rent +suits my purse far better than a larger building would. I am tired +of boarding. I want a little home of my own, where, when the labors +of school are over, I can feel at ease. The walk twice a day will +benefit me, I feel assured. You need not look so dismal and +perplexed; I will make a capital tenant. Your door-facings shan't be +pencil-marked; your windows shan't be broken, nor your gate swung +off its hinges. As for those flowers you are so anxious to plant, +and that patch of ground you are so much interested in, it shall +blossom like the plain of Sharon." + +He looked at her wistfully; took off his spectacles, wiped them with +the end of his coat, and said dubiously: + +"What does Hartwell think of this project?" + +"I have not consulted him." + +"The plain English of which is that, whether he approves or +condemns, you are determined to carry out this new plan? Take care, +Beulah; remember the old adage about 'cutting off your nose to spite +your face.'" + +"Rather malapropos. Dr. Asbury," said she indifferently. + +"I am an old man, Beulah, and know something of life and the world." + +"Nay, George; why dissuade her from this plan? If she prefers this +quiet little home to the cenfinement and bustle of a boarding house, +if she thinks she would be happier here with Mrs. Williams than in +the heart of the city, why should not she come? Suffer her to judge +for herself. I am disposed to applaud her choice," interrupted Mrs. +Asbury. + +"Alice, do you suppose she will be satisfied to bury herself out +here, with an infirm old woman for a companion? Here she must have +an early breakfast, trudge through rain and cold into town; teach +stupid little brats till evening; then listen to others equally +stupid; thrum over music lessons, and, at last, tired out, drag +herself back here about dark, when it is too late to see whether her +garden is a cotton patch or a peach orchard! Will you please to tell +me what enjoyment there is for one of her temperament in such a +treadmill existence?" + +"Your picture is all shadow. George; and, even if it were not, she +is the best judge of what will promote her happiness. Do not +discourage her. Ah, humble as the place is, I know how her heart +aches for a spot she can call 'home.' These three rooms will be a +haven of rest for her when the day is done. My dear Beulah, I trust +you may be very happy here, or wherever you decide to live; you +deserve to be." + +"Thank you, madam, for your friendly sympathy. I am glad you approve +my design." + +"Well, well; if you soon weary of this freak you can easily give up +the house, that is all. Now, Beulah, if you determine to take it, +rest assured I will gladly make any additions or alterations you may +suggest. I dare say I shall like you for a tenant. But see here, +Mrs. Asbury, I have patients to look after. Please to remember that +I am a professional character, consequently can call no moment my +own. What! another row of shelves round that side? This building +houses for rent is a ruinous speculation! Come, it is too late now +to go over the rooms again; to-morrow will do as well. Beulah, are +you going to play cook, too?" + +"No, indeed! Mrs. Williams will find us a servant. Good-by. I will +decide about the house as soon as possible." + +The following day she dispatched a note to the matron with +information concerning the house; and at the close of the week all +arrangements were completed, so that they might take possession as +soon as a new matron was secured. Thus the last of October glided +swiftly away, and one cold, clear day in November Beulah was +notified that Mrs. Williams was comfortably settled in the new home. +She went to school as usual, and when the recitations were ended, +started out with a glad heart and springing step. In half an hour +she reached the little white gate, and found Mrs. Williams waiting +there to welcome her. Everything was new and neat; the tastefully +selected carpets were not tapestry, but cheap ingrain; the snowy +curtains were of plain dimity, with rose-colored borders, and the +tea table held, instead of costly Sevres, simple white china, with a +band of gilt. A bright fire crackled and glowed in the chimney, and, +as Beulah stood on the hearth and glanced round the comfortable +little room, which was to be both parlor and dining room, she felt +her heart thrill with delight, and exclaimed: + +"This is home! at last I feel that I have a home of my own. Not the +Rothschilds, in their palaces, are so happy as I!" + +For years she had been a wanderer, with no hearthstone, and now, for +the first time since her father's death she was at home. Not the +home of adoption; nor the cheerless room of a boarding house, but +the humble home which labor and rigid economy had earned for her. +Her heart bounded with joy; an unwonted glow suffused her cheeks, +and her parted lips trembled. The evening passed quickly, and when +she retired to her own room she was surprised to find a handsome +rosewood bookcase and desk occupying one corner. She opened the +glass doors and saw her books carefully arranged on the shelves. +Could her guardian have sent it? No; since her refusal of the watch, +she felt sure he would not have offered it. A small note lay on the +shelf, and, recognizing the delicate handwriting, she read the +lines, containing these words: + +"BEULAH: Accept the accompanying case and desk as a slight testimony +of the affection of + +"Your sincere friend, + +"ALICE ASBURY." + +Tears sprang into her eyes as she opened the desk and discovered an +elegant pen and pencil and every convenience connected with writing. +Turning away, she saw beside the fire a large, deep easy-chair, +cushioned with purple morocco, and knew it was exactly like one she +had often seen in Dr. Asbury's library. On the back was pinned a +narrow slip of paper, and she read, in the doctor's scrawling, +quaint writing: + +"Child, don't be too proud to use it." + +She was not. Throwing herself into the luxurious chair, she broke +the seal of a letter received that day from Pauline Mortimor. Once +before, soon after her marriage, a few lines of gay greeting had +come, and then many months had elapsed. As she unfolded the sheet +she saw, with sorrow, that in several places it was blotted with +tears; and the contents, written in a paroxysm of passion, disclosed +a state of wretchedness which Beulah little suspected. Pauline's +impulsive, fitful nature was clearly indexed in the letter, and, +after a brief apology for her long silence, she wrote as follows: + +"Oh, Beulah, I am so miserable; so very, very wretched Beulah, +Ernest does not love me! You will scarcely believe me, Oh, I hardly +know how to believe it myself! Uncle Guy was right; I do not suit +Ernest. But I loved him so very, very dearly, and thought him so +devoted to me. Fool that I was! my eyes are opened at last. Beulah, +it nearly drives me wild to think that I am bound to him for life, +an unloved wife. Not a year has passed since our marriage, yet +already he has tired of my 'pretty face.' Oh, Beulah, if I could +only come to you, and put my arms round your neck, and lay my poor, +weary head down on your shoulder, then I could tell you all--" + +[Here several sentences were illegible from tears, and she could +only read what followed.] + +"Since yesterday morning Ernest has not spoken to me. While I write +he is sitting in the next room, reading, as cold, indifferent, and +calm as if I were not perfectly wretched. He is tyrannical; and +because I do not humor all his whims, and have some will of my own, +he treats me with insulting indifference. He is angry now because I +resented some of his father's impertinent speeches about my dress. +This is not the first nor the second time that we have quarreled. He +has an old-maid sister who is forever meddling about my affairs and +sneering at my domestic arrangements; and because I finally told her +I believed I was mistress of my own house Ernest has never forgiven +me. Ellen (the sister I loved and went to school with) has married +and moved to a distant part of the State. The other members of his +family are bigoted, proud, and parsimonious, and they have chiefly +made the breach between us. Oh, Beulah, if I could only undo the +past, and be Pauline Chilton once more! Oh, if I could be free and +happy again! But there is no prospect of that. I am his wife, as he +told me yesterday, and suppose I must drag out a miserable +existence. Yet I will not be trampled on by his family! His sister +spends much of her time with us; reads to Ernest, talks to him about +things that she glories in telling me I don't understand the first +word of. Beulah, I was anxious to study and make myself a companion +for him; but, try as I may, Lucy contrives always to fret and thwart +me. Two days ago she nearly drove me beside myself with her sneers +and allusions to my great mental inferiority to Ernest (as if I were +not often enough painfully reminded of the fact without any of her +assistance!). I know I should not have said it, but I was too angry +to think of propriety, and told her that her presence in my home was +very disagreeable. Oh, if you could have seen her insulting smile, +as she answered that her 'noble brother needed her, and she felt it +a duty to remain with him.' Beulah, I love my husband; I would do +anything on earth to make him happy if we were left to ourselves, +but as to submitting to Lucy's arrogance and sneers, I will not! +Ernest requires me to apologize to his father and sister, and I told +him I would not! I would die first! He does not love me or he would +shield me from such trials. He thinks his sister is perfection, and +I tell you I do absolutely detest her. Now, Beulah, there is no one +else to whom I would mention my unhappiness. Mother does not suspect +it, and never shall, even when she visits me. Uncle Guy predicted +it, and I would not have him know it for the universe. But I can +trust you; I feel that you will sympathize with me, and I want you +to counsel me. Oh, tell me what I ought to do to rid myself of this +tormenting sister-in-law and father-in-law, and, I may say, all +Ernest's kin. Sometimes, when I think of the future, I absolutely +shudder; for if matters go on this way much longer I shall learn to +hate my husband too. He knew my disposition before he married me, +and has no right to treat me as he does. If it were only Ernest I +could bring myself to 'obey' him, for I love him very devotedly; but +as to being dictated to by all his relatives, I never will! Beulah, +burn this blurred letter; don't let anybody know how drearily I am +situated. I am too proud to have my misery published. To know that +people pitied me would kill me. I never can be happy again, but +perhaps you can help me to be less miserable. Do write to me! Oh, +how I wish you could come to me! I charge you, Beulah, don't let +Uncle Guy know that I am not happy. Good-by. Oh, if ever you marry, +be sure your husband has no old-maid sisters and no officious kin! I +am crying so that I can barely see the lines. Good-by, dear Beulah." + +"PAULINE." + +Beulah leaned forward and dropped the letter into the glowing mass +of coals. It shriveled, blazed, and vanished, and, with a heavy +sigh, she sat pondering the painful contents. What advice could she +possibly give that would remedy the trouble? She was aware that the +young wife must indeed have been "very wretched" before she could +consent to disclose her domestic feuds to another. Under happier +auspices she felt that Pauline would have made a devoted, gentle +wife, but feared it was now too late to mold her character in +conformity with her husband's wishes. "So much for a union of +uncongenial natures," thought Beulah, as she prepared to answer the +unlucky letter. As guardedly as possible she alluded to Mr. Mortimor +and his family, and urged Pauline to talk to her husband gently but +firmly, and assure him that the continued interference of his family +was unendurable. If her remonstrances proved futile, to do what she +considered due to herself as mistress of her own establishment, and +try not to notice the annoyances of others. Beulah felt and +acknowledged her inability to advise the young wife in the difficult +position in which she was placed, and closed by assuring her that +only her own good sense, guided by sincere love for her husband, +could rightly direct her course. She was warmly attached to Pauline, +and it was with a troubled heart that she addressed her reply. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIX. + + +The Grahams were all at home again, and Eugene and his bride had +been for several weeks fairly settled in their elegant new house. +Beulah had seen none of the family since their return, for her time +was nearly all occupied, and as soon as released from school she +gladly hurried out to her little home. One evening as she left the +academy Mr. Graham's spirited horses dashed up to the gate, and the +coachman handed her a note. It was from Mrs. Graham. + +"MISS BENTON: + +"Cornelia is quite indisposed, and begs that you will call and see +her this afternoon. As it threatens rain, I send the carriage. + +"S. GRAHAM." + +Beulah crumpled the note between her fingers, and hesitated. The +coachman perceived her irresolution, and hastened to say: + +"You needn't be afraid of the horses, miss. Miss Nett' rides so much +they are tamed down." + +"I am not at all afraid of the horses. Has Cornelia been sick since +her return from the North?" + +"Why, miss, she came home worse than ever. She has not been +downstairs since. She is sick all the time now." + +Beulah hesitated no longer. Mrs. Graham met her at the door, and +greeted her more cordially than she had done on any previous +occasion. She looked anxious and weary, and said, as she led the way +to her daughter's apartment: + +"We are quite uneasy about Cornelia; you will find her sadly +altered." She ushered Beulah into the room, then immediately +withdrew. + +Cornelia was propped up by cushions and pillows in her easy-chair; +her head was thrown back, and her gaze appeared to be riveted on a +painting which hung opposite. Beulah stood beside her a moment, +unnoticed, and saw with painful surprise the ravages which disease +had made in the once beautiful face and queenly form. The black, +shining hair was cut short, and clustered in thick, wavy locks about +the wan brow, now corrugated as by some spasm of pain. The cheeks +were hollow and ghastly pale; the eyes sunken, but unnaturally large +and brilliant; and the colorless lips compressed as though to bear +habitual suffering. Her wasted hands, grasping the arms of the +chair, might have served as a model for a statue of death, so thin, +pale, almost transparent. Beulah softly touched one of them, and +said: + +"Cornelia, you wished to see me." + +The invalid looked at her intently, and smiled. + +"I thought you would come. Ah, Beulah, do you recognize this wreck +as your former friend?" + +"I was not prepared to find you so changed; for until this afternoon +I was not aware your trip had been so fruitless. Do you suffer +much?" + +"Suffer! Yes; almost all the time. But it is not the bodily torture +that troubles me so much--I could bear that in silence. It is my +mind, Beulah; my mind." + +She pointed to a chair; Beulah drew it near her, and Cornelia +continued: + +"I thought I should die suddenly; but it is to be otherwise The +torture is slow, lingering. I shall never leave this house again, +except to go to my final home. Beulah, I have wanted to see you very +much; I thought you would hear of my illness and come. How calm and +pale you are! Give me your hand. Ah, cool and pleasant; mine parched +with fever. And you have a little home of your own, I hear. How have +things gone with you since we parted? Are you happy?" + +"My little home is pleasant, and my wants are few," replied Beulah. + +"Have you seen Eugene recently?" + +"Not since his marriage." + +A bitter laugh escaped Cornelia's lips, as she writhed an instant, +and then said: + +"I knew how it would be. I shall not live to see the end, but you +will. Ha, Beulah! already he has discovered his mistake. I did not +expect it so soon; I fancied Antoinette had more policy. She has +dropped the mask. He sees himself wedded to a woman completely +devoid of truth; he knows her now as she is--as I tried to show him +she was before it was too late; and, Beulah, as I expected, he has +grown reckless--desperate. Ah, if you could have witnessed a scene +at the St. Nicholas, in New York, not long since, you would have +wept over him. He found his bride heartless; saw that she preferred +the society of other gentlemen to his; that she lived only for the +adulation of the crowd; and one evening, on coming home to the +hotel, found she had gone to the opera with a party she knew he +detested. Beulah, it sickens me when I think of his fierce railings, +and anguish, and scorn. He drank in mad defiance, and when she +returned greeted her with imprecations that would have bowed any +other woman, in utter humiliation, into the dust. She laughed +derisively, told him he might amuse himself as he chose, she would +not heed his wishes as regarded her own movements. Luckily, my +parents knew nothing of it; they little suspected, nor do they now +know, why I was taken so alarmingly ill before dawn. I am glad I am +to go so soon. I could not endure to witness his misery and +disgrace." + +She closed her eyes and groaned. + +"What induced her to marry him?" asked Beulah. + +"Only her own false heart knows. But I have always believed she was +chiefly influenced by a desire to escape from the strict discipline +to which her father subjected her at home. Her mother was anything +but a model of propriety; and her mother's sister, who was Dr. +Hartwell's wife, was not more exemplary. My uncle endeavored to curb +Antoinette's dangerous fondness for display and dissipation, and she +fancied that, as Eugene's wife, she could freely plunge into +gayeties which were sparingly allowed her at home. I know she does +not love Eugene; she never did; and, assuredly, his future is dark +enough. I believe, if she could reform him she would not; his +excesses sanction, or at least in some degree palliate, hers. Oh, +Beulah, I see no hope for him!" + +"Have you talked to him kindly, Cornelia? Have you faithfully +exerted your influence to check him in his route to ruin?" + +"Talked to him? Aye; entreated, remonstrated, upbraided, used every +argument at my command. But I might as well talk to the winds and +hope to hush their fury. I shall not stay to see his end; I shall +soon be silent and beyond all suffering. Death is welcome, very +welcome." + +Her breathing was quick and difficult, and two crimson spots burned +on her sallow cheeks. Her whole face told of years of bitterness, +and a grim defiance of death, which sent a shudder through Beulah, +as she listened to the panting breath. Cornelia saturated her +handkerchief with some delicate perfume from a crystal vase, and, +passing it over her face, continued: + +"They tell me it is time I should be confirmed; talk vaguely of +seeing preachers, and taking the sacrament, and preparing myself, as +if I could be frightened into religion and the church. My mother +seems just to have waked up to a knowledge of my spiritual +condition, as she calls it. Ah, Beulah, it is all dark before me; +black, black as midnight! I am going down to an eternal night; down +to annihilation. Yes, Beulah; soon I shall descend into what +Schiller's Moor calls the 'nameless yonder.' Before long I shall +have done with mystery; shall be sunk into unbroken rest." A ghastly +smile parted her lips as she spoke. + +"Cornelia, do you fear death?" + +"No; not exactly. I am glad I am so soon to be rid of my vexed, +joyless life; but you know it is all a dark mystery; and sometimes, +when I recollect how I felt in my childhood, I shrink from the final +dissolution. I have no hopes of a blissful future, such as cheer +some people in their last hour. Of what comes after death I know and +believe nothing. Occasionally I shiver at the thought of +annihilation; but if, after all, revelation is true, I have +something worse than annihilation to fear. You know the history of +my skepticism; it is the history of hundreds in this age. The +inconsistencies of professing Christians disgusted me. Perhaps I was +wrong to reject the doctrines because of their abuse; but it is too +late now for me to consider that. I narrowly watched the conduct of +some of the members of the various churches, and, as I live, Beulah, +I have never seen but one who practiced the precepts of Christ. I +concluded she would have been just what she was without religious +aids. One of my mother's intimate friends was an ostentatious, +pharisaical Christian; gave alms, headed charity lists; was +remarkably punctual in her attendance at church, and apparently very +devout; yet I accidentally found out that she treated a poor +seamstress (whom she hired for a paltry sum) in a manner that +shocked my ideas of consistency, of common humanity. The girl was +miserably poor, and had aged parents and brothers and sisters +dependent on her exertions; but her Christian employer paid her the +lowest possible price, and trampled on her feelings as though she +had been a brute. Oh, the hollowness of the religion I saw +practiced! I sneered at everything connected with churches, and +heard no more sermons, which seemed only to make hypocrites and +pharisees of the congregation. I have never known but one exception. +Mrs. Asbury is a consistent Christian. I have watched her, under +various circumstances; I have tempted her, in divers ways, to test +her, and to-day, skeptic as I am, I admire and revere that noble +woman. If all Christians set an example as pure and bright as hers, +there were less infidelity and atheism in the land. If I had known +even half a dozen such I might have had a faith to cheer me in the +hour of my struggle. She used to talk gently to me in days past, but +I would not heed her. She often comes to see me now; and though I do +not believe the words of comfort that fall from her lips, still they +soothe me; and I love to have her sit near me, that I may look at +her sweet, holy face, so full of winning purity. Beulah, a year ago +we talked of these things. I was then, as now, hopeless of creeds, +of truth, but you were sure you would find the truth. I looked at +you eagerly when you came in, knowing I could read the result in +your countenance. Ah, there is no peace written there! Where is your +truth? Show it to me." + +She twined her thin, hot fingers round Beulah's cold hand, and spoke +in a weary tone. The orphan's features twitched an instant, and her +old troubled look came back, as she said: + +"I wish I could help you, Cornelia. It must be terrible, indeed, to +stand on the brink of the grave and have no belief in anything. I +would give more than I possess to be able to assist you, but I +cannot; I have no truth to offer you; I have yet discovered nothing +for myself. I am not so sanguine as I was a year ago, but I still +hope that I shall succeed." + +"You will not; you will not. It is all mocking mystery, and no more +than the aggregated generations of the past can you find any +solution." + +Cornelia shook her head, and leaned back in her chair. + +"Philosophy promises one," replied Beulah resolutely. + +"Philosophy! Take care! That hidden rock stranded me. Listen to me. +Philosophy, or, what is nowadays its synonym, metaphysical systems, +are worse than useless. They will make you doubt your own individual +existence, if that be possible. I am older than you; I am a sample +of the efficacy of such systems. Oh, the so-called philosophers of +this century and the last are crowned heads of humbuggery! Adepts in +the famous art of" + + "'Wrapping nonsense round, + With pomp and darkness, till it seems profound.'" + +"They mock earnest, enquiring minds with their refined, +infinitesimal, homeopathic 'developments' of deity; metaphysical +wolves in Socratic cloaks. Oh, they have much to answer for! 'Spring +of philosophy!' ha! ha! They have made a frog pond of it, in which +to launch their flimsy, painted toy barks. Have done with them, +Beulah, or you will be miserably duped." + +"Have you lost faith in Emerson and Theodore Parker?" asked Beulah. + +"Yes; lost faith in everything and everybody, except Mrs. Asbury. +Emerson's atheistic fatalism is enough to unhinge human reason; he +is a great and, I believe, an honest thinker, and of his genius I +have the profoundest admiration. An intellectual Titan, he wages a +desperate war with received creeds, and, rising on the ruins of +systems, struggles to scale the battlements of truth. As for Parker, +a careful perusal of his works was enough to disgust me. But no more +of this, Beulah--so long as you have found nothing to rest upon. I +had hoped much from your earnest search; but since it has been +futile, let the subject drop. Give me that glass of medicine. Dr. +Hartwell was here just before you came. He is morose and haggard; +what ails him?" + +"I really don't know. I have not seen him for several months--not +since August, I believe." + +"So I supposed, as I questioned him about you; and he seemed +ignorant of your movements. Beulah, does not life look dreary and +tedious when you anticipate years of labor and care? Teaching is not +child's sport. Are you not already weary in spirit?" + +"No, I am not weary; neither does life seem joyless. I know that I +shall have to labor for a support; but necessity always supplies +strength. I have many, very many sources of happiness, and look +forward, hopefully, to a life of usefulness." + +"Do you intend to teach all your days? Are you going to wear out +your life over primers and slates?" + +"Perhaps so. I know not how else I shall more easily earn a +subsistence." + +"I trust you will marry, and be exempted from that dull, tedious +routine," said Cornelia, watching her countenance. + +Beulah made a gesture of impatience. + +"That is a mode of exemption so extremely remote that I never +consider it. I do not find teaching so disagreeable as you imagine, +and dare say at fifty (if I live that long) I shall still be in a +schoolroom. Remember the trite line:" + + "'I dreamed, and thought that life was beauty + I woke, and found that life was duty'" + +"Labor, mental and physical, is the heritage of humanity, and +happiness is inseparably bound up with the discharge of duty. It is +a divine decree that all should work, and a compliance with that +decree insures a proper development of the moral, intellectual, and +physical nature." + +"You are brave, Beulah, and have more of hope in your nature than I. +For twenty-three years I have been a petted child; but life has +given me little enjoyment. Often have I asked, Why was I created? +for what am I destined? I have been like a gilded bubble, tossed +about by every breath! Oh, Beulah! often, in the desolation of my +heart, I have recalled that grim passage of Pollok's, and that that +verily I was that + + "'Atom which God + Had made superfluously, and needed not + To build creation with, but back again + To nothing threw, and left it in the void, + With everlasting sense, that once it was!'" + +"My life has not been useful, it has been but joyless, and clouded +with the shadow of death from my childhood." + +Her voice was broken, and tears trickled over her emaciated face. +She put up her thin hand and brushed them away, as if ashamed of her +emotion. + +"Sometimes I think if I could only live, and be strong, I would make +myself useful in the world--would try to be less selfish and +exacting, but all regrets are vain, and the indulged child of luxury +must take her place in the pale realms of death along with the +poverty-stricken and laboring. Beulah, I was in pain last night, and +could not sleep, and for hours I seemed to hear the words of that +horrible vision: 'And he saw how world after world shook off its +glimmering souls upon the sea of Death, as a water-bubble scatters +swimming lights on the waves.' Oh! my mind is clouded and my heart +hopeless, it is dismal to stand alone as I do, and confront the +final issue, without belief in anything. Sometimes, when the +paroxysms are severe and prolonged, I grow impatient of the tedious +delay, and would spring, open-armed, to meet Death, the deliverer." + +Beulah was deeply moved, and answered, with a faltering voice and +trembling lip: + +"I wish I could comfort and cheer you; but I cannot--I cannot! If +the hand of disease placed me to-day on the brink beside you, I +should be as hopeless as you. Oh, Cornelia! it makes my heart ache +to look at you now, and I would give my life to be able to stand +where you do, with a calm trust in the God of Israel; but--" + +"Then be warned by my example. In many respects we resemble each +other; our pursuits have been similar. Beulah, do not follow me to +the end! Take my word for it, all is dark and grim." + +She sank back, too much exhausted to continue the conversation, and +Beulah rose to go. + +"Can't you stay with me?" said the feeble girl. + +"No; my companionship is no benefit to you now. If I could help you +I would not leave you at all." + +She pressed her lips to the forehead furrowed by suffering, and +hastened away. + +It was dusk when she reached home, and, passing the dining room, +where the tea table awaited her arrival, she sought her own +apartment. A cheerful fire blazed in welcome; but just now all +things were somber to her vision, and she threw herself into a chair +and covered her face with her hands. Like a haunting specter, +Cornelia's haggard countenance pursued her, and a dull foreboding +pointed to a coming season when she, too, would quit earth in +hopeless uncertainty. She thought of her guardian and his skeptical +misanthropy. He had explored every by-path of speculation, and after +years of study and investigation had given up in despair, and +settled down into a refined pantheism. Could she hope to succeed +better? Was her intellect so vastly superior to those who for +thousands of years had puzzled by midnight lamps over these +identical questions of origin and destiny? What was the speculation +of all ages, from Thales to Comte, to the dying girl she had just +left? Poor Beulah! For the first time her courage forsook her, and +bitter tears gushed over her white cheeks. There was no stony +bitterness in her face, but an unlifting shadow that mutely revealed +the unnumbered hours of strife and desolation which were slowly +bowing that brave heart to the dust. She shuddered, as now, in self- +communion, she felt that atheism, grim and murderous, stood at the +entrance of her soul, and threw its benumbing shadow into the inmost +recesses. Unbelief hung its murky vapors about her heart, curtaining +it from the sunshine of God's smile. It was not difficult to trace +her gradual progress if so she might term her unsatisfactory +journey. Rejecting literal revelation, she was perplexed to draw the +exact line of demarcation between myths and realities; then followed +doubts as to the necessity, and finally as to the probability and +possibility, of an external, verbal revelation. A revealed code or +system was antagonistic to the doctrines of rationalism; her own +consciousness must furnish the necessary data. But how far was +"individualism" allowable? And here the hydra of speculation reared +its horrid head; if consciousness alone furnished truth, it was but +true for her, true according to the formation of her mind, but not +absolutely true. Admit the supremacy of the individual reason, and +she could not deny "that the individual mind is the generating +principle of all human knowledge; that the soul of man is like the +silkworm, which weaves its universe out of its own being; that the +whole mass of knowledge to which we can ever attain lies potentially +within us from the beginning; that all truth is nothing more than a +self-development." + +She became entangled in the finely spun webs of ontology, and knew +not what she believed. Her guardian's words rang in her ears like a +knell. "You must accept either utter skepticism, or absolute, +consistent pantheism." + +A volume which she had been reading the night before lay on the +table, and she opened it at the following passage: + +"Every being is sufficient to itself; that is, every being is, in +and by itself, infinite: has its God, its highest conceivable being, +in itself. The object of any subject is nothing else than the +subject's own nature taken objectively. Such as are a man's thoughts +and dispositions, such is his God! Consciousness of God is self- +consciousness; by his God, you know the man, and by the man, his +God: the two are identical! Religion is merely the consciousness +which a man has of his own, not limited, but infinite, nature; it is +an early form of self-knowledge. God is the objective nature of the +understanding." + +Thus much Feuerbach offered her. She put down the book and leaned +her head wearily on her hands. A light touch on her arm caused her +to glance up, and Mrs. Williams' anxious face looked down at her. + +"What is the matter with you, Beulah? Are you sick?" + +"No; I am as well as usual." She hastily averted her head. + +"But something troubles you, child!" + +"Yes; a great many things trouble me; but I am used to troubles, you +know, and can cope with them unaided." + +"Won't you tell me what they are, Beulah?" + +"You cannot help me, or I would. One cause of sorrow, however, is +the approaching death of a friend whom I shall miss and mourn. +Cornelia Graham cannot live much longer. I saw her this evening, and +found that she has become sadly altered." + +"She is young to die," said the matron, with a sigh. + +"Yes; only twenty-three." + +"Perhaps her death will be the means of reclaiming my poor boy." + +Beulah shook her head, and Mrs. Williams added: + +"She has lived only for this world and its pleasures. Is she afraid +of the world to come? Can she die peacefully?" + +"She will die calmly, but not hopefully. She does not believe in +Christianity." + +She felt that the matron was searching her countenance, and was not +surprised when she said falteringly: + +"Neither do you believe in it. Oh, Beulah! I have known it since you +came to reside under the same roof with me, and I have wept and +prayed over you almost as much as over Eugene. When Sabbath after +Sabbath passed, and you absented yourself from church, I knew +something was wrong. Beulah, who has taught you infidelity? Oh, it +would have been better that you too had followed Lilly, in the early +days when you were pure in heart! Much as I love you, I would rather +weep over your grave than know you had lived to forget God." + +Beulah made no reply; and, passing her hands tenderly over the +girl's head, she continued: + +"When you came to me, a little child, I taught you your morning and +evening prayers. Oh, Beulah! Beulah! now you lay down to sleep +without a thought of prayer. My child, what is to become of you?" + +"I don't know. But do not be distressed about me; I am trying to do +my duty just as conscientiously as though I went to church." + +"Don't deceive yourself, dear child. If you cease to pray and read +your Bible, how are you to know what your duty is? How are you to +keep yourself 'pure and unspotted from the world'? Beulah, a man +without religion is to be pitied; but, oh! a Godless woman is a +horror above all things. It is no marvel you look so anxious and +hollow-eyed. You have forsaken the 'ways of pleasantness and the +paths of peace.'" + +"I am responsible to no one for my opinions." + +"Yes, you are; responsible to God, for he has given truth to the +world, and when you shut your eyes, and willingly walk in darkness, +he will judge you accordingly. If you had lived in an Indian jungle, +out of hearing of Gospel truth, then God would not have expected +anything but idolatry from you; but you live in a Christian land; in +the land of Bibles, and 'to whom much is given, much will be +expected.' The people of this generation are running after new +doctrines, and overtake much error. Beulah, since I have seen you +sitting up nearly all night, pouring over books that rail at Jesus +and his doctrines, I have repented the hour I first suggested your +educating yourself to teach. If this is what all your learning has +brought you to, it would have been better if you had been put out to +learn millinery or mantua-making. Oh, my child, you have been my +greatest pride, but now you are a grief to me!" + +She took Beulah's hand in hers, and pressed her lips to it, while +the tears fell thick and fast. The orphan was not unmoved; her +lashes were heavy with unshed drops, but she said nothing. + +"Beulah, I am fifty-five years old; I have seen a great deal of the +world, and, I tell you, I have never yet known a happy man or woman +who did not reverence God and religion. I can see that you are not +happy. Child, you never will be so long as you wander away from God. +I pray for you; but you must also pray for yourself. May God help +you, my dear child!" + +She left her, knowing her nature too well to hope to convince her of +her error. + +Beulah remained for some time in the same position, with her eyes +fixed on the fire, and her forehead plowed by torturing thought. The +striking of the clock roused her from her reverie, and, drawing a +chair near her desk, she took up her pen to complete an article due +the next day at the magazine office. Ah, how little the readers +dreamed of the heavy heart that put aside its troubles to labor for +their amusement! To-night she did not succeed as well as usual; her +manuscript was blurred, and, forced to copy the greater part of it, +the clock struck three before she laid her weary head on her pillow. + + + + +CHAPTER XXX. + + +Mr. Graham sat by his daughter's bed, with his elbow resting on her +pillow and his head drooped on his hand. It was noon, and sunshine +sparkled out of doors; but here the heavy curtains swept across the +windows and cast a lurid light over the sickroom. His heart ached as +he looked upon the wreck of his once brilliant and beautiful child, +and he shaded his face to conceal the tears which stole down his +furrowed cheeks. The restless sufferer threw up her arms over the +pillow, and, turning toward him, said in a voice sharpened by +disease: + +"Has mother gone? I want to say something to you." + +"We are alone, my child; speak to me freely." + +"There are a few things I wish to have arranged, and my time is +short. You have never refused me any gratification I desired, and I +know you will grant my last request. Father, if I were a bride to- +day, what would be my portion of the estate? How much would you give +me?" + +"I would give every cent I possess to purchase you a life of +happiness." + +"You do not understand me. I have always been considered an heiress, +and I want to know how much I would be entitled to, if I should +live? Of course Eugene has an equal share. How much is it?" + +"About eighty thousand dollars apiece, I suppose, leaving as much +for your mother. Why do you ask, my daughter?" + +"Eighty thousand dollars. How much good might be done with it, if +judiciously distributed and invested! Father, I shall not live to +squander it in frivolous amusements or superfluous luxuries. Are you +willing that I should dispose of a portion of it before my death?" + +"Yes, Cornelia, if it will afford you any gratification. My poor, +afflicted child; how can I deny you anything you choose to ask?" + +She put up one arm around his neck, and, drawing his head close to +her, said earnestly: + +"I only wish to use a part of it. Father, I want to leave Beulah +about five thousand dollars. That sum will enable her to live more +comfortably, and labor less, and I should like to feel, before I +die, that I had been the means of assisting her. Will you invest +that amount in stocks for her, or pay the money into her own hands? +Will you see that it is arranged so that she will certainly receive +it, no matter what happens?" + +"Yes, I promise you that she shall have five thousand dollars, to +dispose of as she thinks proper." + +"She is proud, and will not receive it willingly; but you must +arrange it so that she will be benefited by it. Father, can you do +this for me?" + +"Yes, without difficulty, I think." + +"Let it be kept secret, will you?" + +"Rest assured it shall have no unnecessary publicity." + +"See that it is conveyed to her so securely that no quibbles of law +can wrest it from her at any future day, for none of us knows what +may happen." + +"I promise you she shall have it if I live twelve hours longer." + +"Then I want five thousand more given to the orphan asylum. Give it +in your own name. You only have the right to give. Don't have my +name mentioned in the matter. Will you promise me this also?" + +"Yes; it shall all be done. Is there anything else?" + +"Thank you, that is all, as regards money matters. Raise my pillow a +little; there, that will do. Father, can't you do something to save +Eugene? You must see now how reckless he is growing." + +"Recently I have expostulated with him, and he seemed disposed to +reform his habits. Acknowledged that his associations had been +injurious, and regretted the excesses into which he had been led. He +has been rather wild since he came from college; but I think, now he +is married, he will sober down. That is one reason why I encouraged +his marrying so early. Intemperance is his only fault, and I trust +his good sense will soon lead him to correct it." A smothered sigh +concluded the sentence. + +"Father, Antoinette is not the woman to reform him. Don't trust to +her influence; if you do, Eugene will be ruined. Watch over him +closely yourself; try to win him away from the haunts of +dissipation; I tell you now his wife will never do it. She has duped +you and my mother as to her character, but you will find that she is +as utterly heartless as her own mother was. I always opposed the +match, because I probed her mask of dissimulation, and knew Eugene +could not be happy with her. But the mistake is irretrievable, and +it only remains for you to watch him the more carefully. Lift me, +father; I can't breathe easily. There is the doctor on the steps; I am +too tired to talk any more to-day." + +One week later, as Beulah was spending her Sabbath evening in her +own apartment, she was summoned to see her friend for the last time. +It was twilight when she reached Mr. Graham's house and glided +noiselessly up the thickly carpeted stairway. The bells were all +muffled, and a solemn stillness reigned over the mansion. She left +her bonnet and shawl in the hall, and softly entered the chamber +unannounced. Unable to breathe in a horizontal position, Cornelia +was bolstered up in her easychair. Her mother sat near her, with her +face hid on her husband's bosom. Dr. Hartwell leaned against the +mantel, and Eugene stood on the hearth opposite him, with his head +bowed down on his hands. Cornelia drew her breath in quick gasps, +and cold drops glistened on her pallid face. Her sunken eyes +wandered over the group, and when Beulah drew near she extended her +hands eagerly, while a shadowy smile passed swiftly over her +sharpened features. + +"Beulah, come close to me--close." She grasped her hands tightly, +and Beulah knelt at the side of her chair. + +"Beulah, in a little while I shall be at rest. You will rejoice to +see me free from pain, won't you? I have suffered for so many months +and years. But death is about to release me forever. Beulah, is it +forever?--is it forever? Am I going down into an eternal sleep, on a +marble couch, where grass and flowers will wave over me, and the sun +shine down on me? Yes, it must be so. Who has ever waked from this +last dreamless slumber? Abel was the first to fall asleep, and since +then, who has wakened? No one. Earth is full of pale sleepers; and I +am soon to join the silent band." + +There was a flickering light in her eyes, like the flame of a candle +low in its socket, and her panting breath was painful to listen to. + +"Cornelia, they say Jesus of Nazareth slept, and woke again; if so, +you will--" + +"Ha, but you don't believe that, Beulah. They say, they say! Yes. +but I never believed them before, and I don't want to believe them +now. I will not believe it. It is too late to tell me that now. +Beulah, I shall know very soon; the veil of mystery is being lifted. +Oh, Beulah, I am glad I am going; glad I shall soon have no more +sorrow and pain; but it is all dark, dark! You know what I mean. +Don't live as I have, believing nothing. No matter what your creed +may be, hold fast, have firm faith in it. It is because I believe in +nothing that I am so clouded now. Oh, it is such a dark, dark, +lonely way! If I had a friend to go with me I should not shrink +back; but oh, Beulah, I am so solitary! It seems to me I am going +out into a great starless midnight." She shivered, and her cold +fingers clutched Beulah's convulsively. + +"Calm yourself, Cornelia. If Christianity is true, God will see that +you were honest in your skepticism, and judge you leniently. If not, +then death is annihilation, and you have nothing to dread; you will +sink into quiet oblivion of all your griefs." + +"Annihilation! then I shall see you all no more! Oh, why was I ever +created, to love others, and then be torn away forever, and go back +to senseless dust? I never have been happy; I have always had +aspirations after purer, higher enjoyments than earth could afford +me, and must they be lost in dead clay? Oh, Beulah, can you give me +no comfort but this? Is this the sum of all your study, as well as +mine? Ah, it is vain, useless; man can find out nothing. We are all +blind; groping our way through mysterious paths, and now I am going +into the last--the great mystery!" + +She shook her head with a bitter smile, and closed her eyes, as if +to shut out some hideous specter. Dr. Hartwell gave her a spoonful +of some powerful medicine, and stood watching her face, distorted by +the difficulty of breathing. A long silence ensued, broken only by +the sobs of the parents. Cornelia leaned back, with closed eyes, and +now and then her lips moved, but nothing intelligible escaped them. +It was surprising how she seemed to rally sometimes, and breathe +with perfect ease; then the paroxysms would come on more violent +than ever. Beulah knelt on the floor, with her forehead resting on +the arm of the chair, and her hands still grasped in the firm hold +of the dying girl. Time seemed to stand still to watch the issue, +for moments were long as hours to the few friends of the sufferer. +Beulah felt as if her heart were leaden, and a band of burning iron +seemed drawn about her brow. Was this painful parting to be indeed +eternal? Was there no future home for the dead of this world? Should +the bands of love and friendship, thus rudely severed, be renewed no +more? Was there no land where the broken links might be gathered up +again? What did philosophy say of these grim hours of struggle and +separation? Nothing--absolutely nothing! Was she to see her sister +no more? Was a moldering mass of dust all that remained of the +darling dead--the beautiful angel Lilly, whom she had so idolized? +Oh! was life, then, a great mockery, and the soul, with its noble +aims and impulses, but a delicate machine of matter? Her brain was +in a wild, maddening whirl; she could not weep; her eyes were dry +and burning. Cornelia moved an instant, and murmured audibly: + +"'For here we have no continuing city, but seek one to come.' Ah! +what is its name? that 'continuing city'! Necropolis?" Again she +remained for some time speechless. + +Dr. Hartwell softly wiped away the glistening drops on her brow, +and, opening her eyes, she looked up at him intently. It was an +imploring gaze, which mutely said: "Can't you help me?" He leaned +over, and answered it, sadly enough: + +"Courage, Cornelia! It will very soon be over now. The worst is +past, my friend." + +"Yes; I know. There is a chill creeping over me. Where is Eugene?" + +He came and stood near her; his face full of anguish, which could +not vent itself in tears. Her features became convulsed as she +looked at him; a wailing cry broke from her lips; and, extending her +arms toward him, she said sobbingly: + +"Shall I see you no more--no more? Oh, Eugene, my brother, my pride, +my dearest hope! whom I have loved better than my own life, are we +now parted forever--forever!" + +He laid her head on his bosom, and endeavored to soothe her; but, +clinging to him, she said huskily: + +"Eugene, with my last breath I implore you; forsake your intemperate +companions. Shun them and their haunts. Let me die feeling that at +least my dying prayer will save you! Oh, when I am gone; when I am +silent in the graveyard, remember how the thought of your +intemperance tortured me! Remember how I remonstrated and entreated +you not to ruin yourself! Remember that I loved you above everything +on earth; and that, in my last hour, I prayed you to save yourself! +Oh, Eugene, for my sake! for my sake! quit the wine-cup, and leave +drunkenness for others more degraded!--Promise me!--Where are you?-- +Oh, it is all cold and dark!--I can't see you!--Eugene, promise! +promise!--Eugene--" + +Her eyes were riveted on his, and her lips moved for some seconds; +then the clasping arms gradually relaxed; the gasps ceased. Eugene +felt a long shudder creep over the limbs, a deep, heavy sigh passed +her lips, and Cornelia Graham's soul was with its God. + +Ah! after twenty-three years of hope and fear, struggling and +questioning, what an exit! Eugene lifted the attenuated form and +placed it on the bed; then threw himself into her vacant chair, and +sobbed like a broken-hearted child. Mr. Graham took his wife from +the room; and, after some minutes, Dr. Hartwell touched the kneeling +figure, with the face still pressed against the chair Eugene now +occupied. + +"Come, Beulah; she will want you no more." + +She lifted a countenance so full of woe that, as he looked at her, +the moisture gathered in his eyes, and he put his hand tenderly on +her head, saying: + +"Come with me, Beulah." + +"And this is death? Oh, my God, save me from such a death!" + +She clasped her hands over her eyes, and shivered; then, rising from +her kneeling posture, threw herself on a couch, and buried her face +in its cushions. That long night of self-communion was never +forgotten. + +The day of the funeral was cold, dark, and dismal. A January wind +howled through the streets, and occasional drizzling showers +enhanced the gloom. The parlors and sitting room were draped, and on +the marble slab of one of the tables stood the coffin, covered with +a velvet pall. Once before Beulah had entered a room similarly +shrouded; and it seemed but yesterday that she stood beside Lilly's +rigid form. She went in alone, and waited some moments near the +coffin, striving to calm the wild tumult of conflicting sorrows in +her oppressed heart; then lifted the covering and looked on the +sleeper. Wan, waxen, and silent. No longer the fitful sleep of +disease, nor the refreshing slumber of health, but the still iciness +of ruthless death. The black locks were curled around the forehead, +and the beautiful hands folded peacefully over the heart that should +throb no more with the anguish of earth. Death had smoothed the brow +and put the trembling mouth at rest, and every feature was in +repose. In life she had never looked so placidly beautiful. + +"What availed all her inquiries, and longings, and defiant cries? +She died, no nearer the truth than when she began. She died without +hope and without knowledge. Only death could unseal the mystery," +thought Beulah, as she looked at the marble face and recalled the +bitterness of its lifelong expression. Persons began to assemble; +gradually the rooms filled. Beulah bent down and kissed the cold +lips for the last time, and, lowering her veil, retired to a dim +corner. She was very miserable, but her eyes were tearless, and she +sat, she knew not how long, unconscious of what passed around her. +She heard the stifled sobs of the bereaved parents as in a painful +dream; and when the solemn silence was broken she started, and saw a +venerable man, a stranger, standing at the head of the coffin; and +these words fell upon her ears like a message from another world: + +"I am the resurrection and the life, saith the Lord; and he that +believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live; and +whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die!" + +Cornelia had not believed; was she utterly lost? Beulah asked +herself this question, and shrank from the answer. She did not +believe; would she die as Cornelia died, without comfort? Was there +but one salvation? When the coffin was borne out, and the procession +formed, she went on mechanically, and found herself seated in a +carriage with Mrs. Asbury and her two daughters. She sank back in +one corner, and the long line of carriages, extending for many +squares, slowly wound through the streets. The wind wailed and +sobbed, as if in sympathy, and the rain drizzled against the window +glass. When the procession reached the cemetery, it was too wet to +think of leaving the carriages, but Beulah could see the coffin +borne from the hearse, and heard the subdued voice of the minister; +and when the shrouded form of the only child was lowered into its +final resting-place, she groaned, and hid her face in her hands. +Should they meet no more? Hitherto Mrs. Asbury had forborne to +address her, but now she passed her arm round the shuddering form, +and said gently: + +"My dear Beulah, do not look so hopelessly wretched. In the midst of +life we are in death; but God has given a promise to cheer us all in +sad scenes like this. St. John was told to write, 'From henceforth, +blessed are the dead who die in the Lord, for they rest from, their +labors.'" + +"And do you think she is lost forever because she did not believe? +Do you? Can you?" cried Beulah vehemently. + +"Beulah, she had the Bible, which promises eternal life. If she +entirely rejected it, she did so voluntarily and deliberately; but +only God knows the heart--only her Maker can judge her. I trust that +even in the last hour the mists rolled from her mind." + +Beulah knew better, but said nothing; it was enough to have +witnessed that darkened soul's last hour on earth. As the carriage +stopped at her door Mrs. Asbury said: + +"My dear Beulah, stay with me to-night. I think I can help you to +find what you are seeking so earnestly." + +Beulah shrank back, and answered: + +"No, no. No one can help me; I must help myself. Some other time I +will come." + +The rain fell heavily as she reached her own home, and she went to +her room with a heaviness of heart almost unendurable. She sat down +on the rug before the fire, and threw her arms up over a chair, as +she was wont to do in childhood; and, as she remembered that the +winter rain now beat pitilessly on the grave of one who had never +known privation, nor aught of grief that wealth could shield her +from, she moaned bitterly. What lamp had philosophy hung in the +sable chambers of the tomb? The soul was impotent to explain its +origin--how, then, could it possibly read the riddle of final +destiny? Psychologists had wrangled for ages over the question of +'ideas.' Were infants born with or without them? Did ideas arise or +develop them selves independently of experience? The affirmation or +denial of this proposition alone distinguished the numerous schools, +which had so long wrestled with psychology; and if this were +insolvable, how could human intellect question further? Could it +bridge the gulf of Death, and explore the shores of Eternity? + + + + +CHAPTER XXXI. + + +Time, "like a star, unhasting, yet unresting," moved on. The keen +blasts of winter were gathered back in their Northern storehouses, +and the mild airs of spring floated dreamily beneath genial skies. +The day had been cloudless and balmy, but now the long, level rays +of sunshine, darting from the horizon, told it "was well-nigh done"; +and Beulah sat on the steps of her cottage home and watched the +dolphin-like death. The regal splendors of Southern springtime were +on every side; the bright, fresh green of the grassy common, with +its long, velvety slopes, where the sunshine fell slantingly; the +wild luxuriance of the Cherokee rose hedges, with their graceful +streamers gleaming with the snow powder of blossoms; the waving of +newborn foliage; the whir and chirping of birds, as they sought +their leafy shelters; brilliant patches of verbena, like flakes of +rainbow, in the neighboring gardens, and the faint, sweet odor of +violet, jasmine, roses, and honeysuckle burdening the air. Beulah +sat with her hands folded on her lap; an open book lay before her--a +volume of Euskin; but the eyes had wandered away from his gorgeous +descriptions, to another and still more entrancing volume--the +glorious page of nature; and as the swift Southern twilight gathered +she sat looking out, mute and motionless. The distant pinetops sang +their solemn, soothing lullaby, and a new moon sat royally in the +soft violet sky. Around the columns of the little portico a +luxuriant wistaria clambered, and long, purple blossoms, with their +spicy fragrance, drooped almost on Beulah's head, as she leaned it +against the pillar. The face wore a weary, suffering look; the +large, restless eyes were sadder than ever, and there were tokens of +languor in every feature. A few months had strangely changed the +countenance once so hopeful and courageous in its uplifted +expression. The wasted form bore evidence of physical suffering, and +the slender fingers were like those of a marble statue. Yet she had +never missed an hour in the schoolroom, nor omitted one iota of the +usual routine of mental labor. Rigorously the tax was levied, no +matter how the weary limbs ached or how painfully the head throbbed; +and now nature rebelled at the unremitted exaction, and clamored for +a reprieve. Mrs. Williams had been confined to her room for many +days by an attack of rheumatism, and the time devoted to her was +generally reclaimed from sleep. It was no mystery that she looked +ill and spent. Now, as she sat watching the silver crescent +glittering in the vest, her thoughts wandered to Clara Sanders, and +the last letter received from her, telling of a glorious day-star of +hope which had risen in her cloudy sky. Mr. Arlington's brother had +taught her that the dream of her girlhood was but a fleeting fancy, +that she could love again more truly than before, and in the summer +holidays she was to give him her hand and receive his name. Beulah +rejoiced in her friend's happiness; but a dim foreboding arose lest, +as in Pauline's case, thorns should spring up in paths where now +only blossoms were visible. Since that letter, so full of complaint +and sorrow, no tidings had come from Pauline. Many months had +elapsed, and Beulah wondered more and more at the prolonged silence. +She had written several times, but received no answer, and +imagination painted a wretched young wife in that distant parsonage. +Early in spring she learned from Dr. Asbury that Mr. Lockhart had +died at his plantation of consumption, and she conjectured that Mrs. +Lockhart must be with her daughter. Beulah half rose, then leaned +back against the column, sighed involuntarily, and listened to that +"still, small voice of the level twilight behind purple hills." Mrs. +Williams was asleep, but the tea table waited for her, and in her +own room, on her desk, lay an unfinished manuscript which was due +the editor the next morning. She was rigidly punctual in handing in +her contributions, cost her what it might; yet now she shrank from +the task of copying and punctuating and sat a while longer, with the +gentle Southern breeze rippling over her hot brow. She no longer +wrote incognito. By accident she was discovered as the authoress of +several articles commented upon by other journals, and more than +once her humble home had been visited by some of the leading +literati of the place. Her successful career thus far inflamed the +ambition which formed so powerful an element in her mental +organization, and a longing desire for fame took possession of her +soul. Early and late she toiled; one article was scarcely in the +hands of the compositor ere she was engaged upon another. She lived, +as it were, in a perpetual brain fever, and her physical frame +suffered proportionably. The little gate opened and closed with a +creaking sound, and, hearing a step near her, Beulah looked up and +saw her guardian before her. The light from the dining room fell on +his face, and a glance showed her that, although it was pale and +inflexible as ever, something of more than ordinary interest had +induced this visit. He had never entered that gate before; and she +sprang up and held out both hands with an eager cry. + +"Oh, sir, I am so glad to see you once more!" + +He took her hands in his and looked at her gravely; then made her +sit down again on the step, and said: + +"I suppose you would have died before you could get your consent to +send for me? It is well that you have somebody to look after you. +How long have you had this fever?" + +"Fever! Why, sir, I have no fever," she replied, with some surprise. + +"Oh, child! are you trying to destroy yourself by your obstinacy? If +so, like most other things you undertake, I suppose you will +succeed." + +He held her hands and kept his finger on the quick bounding pulse. +Beulah had not seen him since the night of Cornelia's death, some +months before, and conjectured that Dr. Asbury had told him she was +not looking well. + +She could not bear the steady, searching gaze of his luminous eyes, +and, moving restlessly, said: + +"Sir, what induces you to suppose that I am sick? I have complained +of indisposition to no one." + +"Of course you have not, for people are to believe that you are a +gutta-percha automaton." + +She fancied his tone was slightly sneering; but his countenance wore +the expression of anxious, protecting interest which she had so +prized in days past, and, as her hands trembled in his clasp and his +firm hold tightened, she felt that it was useless to attempt to +conceal the truth longer. + +"I didn't know I was feverish; but for some time I have daily grown +weaker; I tremble when I stand or walk, and am not able to sleep. +That is all." + +He smiled down at her earnest face, and asked: + +"Is that all, child? Is that all?" + +"Yes, sir; all." + +"And here you have been, with a continued, wasting nervous fever for +you know not how many days, yet keep on your round of labors without +cessation!" + +He dropped her hands and folded his arms across his broad chest, +keeping his eyes upon her. + +"I am not at all ill; but believe I need some medicine to strengthen +me." + +"Yes, child; you do, indeed, need a medicine, but it is one you will +never take." + +"Try me, sir," answered she, smiling. + +"Try you? I might as well try to win an eagle from its lonely rocky +home. Beulah, you need rest. Rest for mind, body, and heart. But you +will not take it; oh, no, of course you won't!" + +He passed his hand over his brow, and swept back the glossy chestnut +hair, as if it oppressed him. + +"I would willingly take it, sir, if I could; but the summer vacation +is still distant, and, besides, my engagements oblige me to exert +myself. It is a necessity with me." + +"Rather say sheer obstinacy," said he sternly. + +"You are severe, sir," replied Beulah, lifting her head haughtily. + +"No; I only call things by their proper names." + +"Very well; if you prefer it, then, obstinacy compels me just now to +deny myself the rest you prescribe." + +"Yes; rightly spoken; and it will soon compel you to a long rest, in +the quiet place where Cornelia waits for you. You are a mere shadow +now, and a few more months will complete your design. I have blamed +myself more than once that I did not suffer you to die with Lilly, +as you certainly would have done had I not tended you so closely. +Your death then would have saved me much care and sorrow, and you +many struggles." + +There was a shadow on his face, and his voice had the deep, musical +tone which always made her heart thrill. Her eyelids drooped, as she +said sadly: + +"You are unjust. We meet rarely enough, Heaven knows. Why do you +invariably make these occasions seasons of upbraiding, of taunts and +sneers. Sir, I owe you my life, and more than my life, and never can +I forget or cancel my obligations; but are you no longer my friend?" + +His whole face lighted up; the firm mouth trembled. + +"No, Beulah. I am no longer your friend." + +She looked up at him, and a quiver crept across her lips. She had +never seen that eager expression in his stern face before. His dark, +fascinating eyes were full of pleading tenderness, and, as she +drooped her head on her lap, she knew that Clara was right, that she +was dearer to her guardian than anyone else. A half-smothered groan +escaped her, and there was a short pause. + +Dr. Hartwell put his hands gently on her bowed head and lifted the +face. + +"Child, does it surprise you?" + +She said nothing, and, leaning her head against him, as she had +often done years before, he passed his hand caressingly over the +folds of hair, and added: + +"You call me your guardian; make me such. I can no longer be only +your friend; I must either be more, or henceforth a stranger. My +life has been full of sorrow and bitterness, but you can bring +sunlight to my home and heart. You were too proud to be adopted. +Once I asked you to be my child. Ah! I did not know my own heart +then. Our separation during the yellow-fever season first taught me +how inexpressibly dear you were to me, how entirely you filled my +heart. Now I ask you to be my wife, to give yourself to me. Oh, +Beulah, come back to my cheerless home! Best your lonely heart, my +proud darling." + +"Impossible. Do not ask it. I cannot! I cannot!" cried Beulah, +shuddering violently. + +"Why not, my little Beulah?" + +He clasped his arm around her and drew her close to him, while his +head was bent so low that his brown hair touched her cheek. + +"Oh, sir, I would rather die! I should be miserable as your wife. +You do not love me, sir; you are lonely, and miss my presence in +your house; but that is not love, and marriage would be a mockery. +You would despise a wife who was such only from gratitude. Do not +ask this of me; we would both be wretched. You pity my loneliness +and poverty, and I reverence you; nay, more, I love you, sir, as my +best friend; I love you as my protector. You are all I have on earth +to look to for sympathy and guidance. You are all I have; but I +cannot marry you; oh, no; no! a thousand times, no!" She shrank away +from the touch of his lips on her brow, and an expression of +hopeless suffering settled upon her face. + +He withdrew his arm, and rose. + +"Beulah, I have seen sunlit bubbles gliding swiftly on the bosom of +a clear brook and casting golden shadows down upon the pebbly bed. +Such a shadow you are now chasing--ah, child, the shadow of a gilded +bubble! Panting and eager, you clutch at it; the bubble dances on, +the shadow with it; and Beulah, you will never, never grasp it. +Ambition such as yours, which aims at literary fame, is the +deadliest foe to happiness. Man may content himself with the +applause of the world and the homage paid to his intellect; but +woman's heart has holier idols. You cue young, and impulsive, and +aspiring, and Fame beckons you on, like the siren of antiquity; but +the months and years will surely come when, with wasted energies and +embittered heart, you are left to mourn your infatuation. I would +save you from this; but you will drain the very dregs rather than +forsake your tempting fiend, for such is ambition to the female +heart. Yes, you will spend the springtime of your life chasing a +painted specter, and go down to a premature grave, disappointed and +miserable. Poor child, it needs no prophetic vision to predict your +ill-starred career! Already the consuming fever has begun its march. +In far-distant lands, I shall have no tidings of you; but none will +be needed. Perhaps when I travel home to die your feverish dream +will have ended; or, perchance, sinking to eternal rest in some palm +grove of the far East, we shall meet no more. Since the day I took +you in my arms from Lilly's coffin you have been my only hope, my +all. You little knew how precious you were to me, nor what keen +suffering our estrangement cost me. Oh, child, I have loved you as +only a strong, suffering, passionate heart could love its last idol! +But I, too, chased a shadow. Experience should have taught me +wisdom. Now I am a gloomy, joyless man, weary of my home and +henceforth a wanderer. Asbury (if he lives) will be truly your +friend, and to him T shall commit the legacy which hitherto you have +refused to accept. Mr. Graham paid it into my hands after his last +unsatisfactory interview with you. The day may come when you will +need it. I shall send you some medicine which, for your own sake, +you had better take immediately; but you will never grow stronger +until you give yourself rest, relaxation, physically and mentally. +Remember, when your health is broken and all your hopes withered, +remember I warned you and would have saved you, and you would not." +He stooped and took his hat from the floor. + +Beulah sat looking at him, stunned, bewildered, her tearless eyes +strained and frightened in their expression. The transient +illumination in his face had faded, like sunset tints, leaving dull, +leaden clouds behind. His compressed lips were firm again, and the +misty eyes became coldly glittering, as one sees stars brighten in a +frosty air. + +He put on his hat, and they looked at each other fixedly. + +"You are not in earnest? you are not going to quit your home?" cried +Beulah, in a broken, unsteady tone. + +"Yes--going into the far East; to the ruined altars of Baalbec; to +Meroe, to Tartary, India, China, and only Fate knows where else. +Perhaps find a cool Nebo in some Himalayan range. Going? Yes. Did +you suppose I meant only to operate on your sympathies? I know you +too well. What is it to you whether I live or die? whether my weary +feet rest in an Indian jungle, or on a sunny slope of the city +cemetery? Yes, I am going very soon, and this is our last meeting. I +shall not again disturb you in your ambitious pursuits. Ah, child--" + +"Oh, don't go! don't leave me! I beg, I implore you, not to leave +me. Oh, I am so desolate! don't forsake me! I could not bear to know +you were gone. Oh, don't leave me!" She sprang up, and, throwing her +arms round his neck, clung to him, trembling like a frightened +child. But there was no relaxation of his pale, fixed features, as +he coldly answered: + +"Once resolved, I never waver. So surely as I live I shall go. It +might have been otherwise, but you decided it yourself. An hour ago +you held my destiny in your hands; now it is fixed. I should have +gone six years since had I not indulged a lingering hope of +happiness in your love. Child, don't shiver and cling to me so. +Oceans will soon roll between us, and, for a time, you will have no +leisure to regret my absence. Henceforth we are strangers." + +"No; that shall never be. You do not mean it; you know it is +impossible. You know that I prize your friendship above every +earthly thing. You know that I look up to you as to no one else. +That I shall be miserable, oh, how miserable, if you leave me! Oh, +sir, I have mourned over your coldness and indifference; don't cast +me off! Don't go to distant lands and leave me to struggle without +aid or counsel in this selfish, unfriendly world! My heart dies +within me at the thought of your being where I shall not be able to +see you. Oh, my guardian, don't forsake me!" + +She pressed her face against his shoulder and clasped her arms +firmly round his neck. + +"I am not your guardian, Beulah. You refused to make me such. You +are a proud, ambitious woman, solicitous only to secure eminence as +an authoress. I asked your heart; you have now none to give; but +perhaps some day you will love me as devotedly, nay, as madly, as I +have long loved you; for love like mine would wake affection even in +a marble image; but then rolling oceans and trackless deserts will +divide us. And now, good-by. Make yourself a name; bind your aching +brow with the chaplet of fame, and see if ambition can fill your +heart. Good-by, dear child." + +Gently he drew her arms from his neck, and took her face in his soft +palms. He looked at her a moment, sadly and earnestly, as if +striving to fix her features in the frame of memory; then bent his +head and pressed a long kiss on her lips. She put out her hands, but +he had gone, and, sinking down on the step, she hid her face in her +arms. A pall seemed suddenly thrown over the future, and the +orphaned heart shrank back from the lonely path where only specters +were visible. Never before had she realized how dear he was to her, +how large a share of her love he possessed, and now the prospect of +a long, perhaps final separation, filled her with a shivering, +horrible dread. We have seen that self-reliance was a powerful +element in her character, and she had learned, from painful +necessity, to depend as little as possible upon the sympathies of +others; but in this hour of anguish a sense of joyless isolation +conquered; her proud soul bowed down beneath the weight of +intolerable grief, and acknowledged itself not wholly independent of +the love and presence of her guardian. + +Beulah went back to her desk, and, with tearless eyes, began the +allotted task of writing. The article was due, and must be finished; +was there not a long, dark future in which to mourn? The sketch was +designed to prove that woman's happiness was not necessarily +dependent on marriage. That a single life might be more useful, more +tranquil, more unselfish. Beulah had painted her heroine in glowing +tints, and triumphantly proved her theory correct, while to female +influence she awarded a sphere (exclusive of rostrums and all +political arenas) wide as the universe and high as heaven. Weary +work it all seemed to her now; but she wrote on and on, and finally +the last page was copied and the last punctuation mark affixed. She +wrapped up the manuscript, directed it to the editor, and then the +pen fell from her nerveless fingers and her head went down, with a +wailing cry, on her desk. There the morning sun flashed upon a white +face, tear-stained and full of keen anguish. How her readers would +have marveled at the sight! Ah, "Verily the heart knoweth its own +bitterness." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXII. + + +One afternoon in the following week Mrs. Williams sat wrapped up in +the hall, watching Beulah's movements in the yard at the rear of the +house. The whitewashed paling was covered with luxuriant raspberry +vines, and in one corner of the garden was a bed of strawberry +plants. Over this bed Beulah was bending with a basket nearly filled +with the ripe scarlet berries. Stooping close to the plants she saw +only the fruit she was engaged in picking; and when the basket was +quite full she was suddenly startled by a merry laugh and a pair of +hands clasped over her eyes. + +"Who blindfolds me?" said she. + +"Guess, you solemn witch!" + +"Why, Georgia, of course." + +The hands were removed, and Georgia Asbury's merry face greeted her. + +"I am glad to see you, Georgia. Where is Helen?" + +"Oh, gone to ride with one of her adorers; but I have brought +somebody to see you who is worth the whole Asbury family. No less a +personage than my famous cousin Reginald Lindsay, whom you have +heard us speak of so often. Oh, how tempting those luscious berries +are! Reginald and I intend to stay to tea, and father will perhaps +come out in the carriage for us. Come, yonder is my cousin on the +gallery looking at you, and pretending to talk to Mrs. Williams. He +has read your magazine sketches and is very anxious to see you. How +nice you look; only a little too statuish. Can't you get up a smile? +That is better. Here, let me twine this cluster of wistaria in your +hair; I stole it as I ran up the steps." + +Beulah was clad in a pure white mull muslin, and wore a short black +silk apron, confined at the waist by a heavy cord and tassel. +Georgia fastened the purple blossoms in her silky hair, and they +entered the house. Mr. Lindsay met them, and, as his cousin +introduced him, Beulah looked at him, and met the earnest gaze of a +pair of deep blue eyes which seemed to index a nature singularly +tranquil. She greeted him quietly, and would have led the way to the +front of the house; but Georgia threw herself down on the steps, and +exclaimed eagerly: + +"Do let us stay here; the air is so deliciously sweet and cool. +Cousin, there is a chair. Beulah, you and I will stem these berries +at once, so that they may be ready for tea." + +She took the basket, and soon their fingers were stained with the +rosy juice of the fragrant fruit. All restraint vanished; the +conversation was gay, and spiced now and then with repartees which +elicited Georgia's birdish laugh and banished for a time the weary, +joyless expression of Beulah's countenance. The berries were finally +arranged to suit Georgia's taste, and the party returned to the +little parlor. Here Beulah was soon engaged by Mr. Lindsay in the +discussion of some of the leading literary questions of the day. She +forgot the great sorrow that brooded over her heart, a faint, pearly +glow crept into her cheeks, and the mouth lost its expression of +resolute endurance. She found Mr. Lindsay highly cultivated in his +tastes, polished in his manners, and possessed of rare intellectual +attainments, while the utter absence of egotism and pedantry +impressed her with involuntary admiration. Extensive travel and long +study had familiarized him with almost every branch of science and +department of literature, and the ease and grace with which he +imparted some information she desired respecting the European +schools of art contrasted favorably with the confused account Eugene +had rendered of the same subject. She remarked a singular composure +of countenance, voice, and even position, which seemed +idiosyncratic, and was directly opposed to the stern rigidity and +cynicism of her guardian. She shrank from the calm, steadfast gaze +of his eyes, which looked into hers with a deep yet gentle scrutiny, +and resolved ere the close of the evening to sound him concerning +some of the philosophic phases of the age. Had he escaped the upas +taint of skepticism? An opportunity soon occurred to favor her +wishes, for, chancing to allude to his visit to Rydal Mount, while +in the lake region of England, the transition to a discussion of the +metaphysical tone of the "Excursion" was quite easy. + +"You seemed disposed, like Howitt, to accord it the title of 'Bible +of Quakerism,'" said Mr. Lindsay, in answer to a remark of hers +concerning its tendency. + +"It is a fertile theme of disputation, sir, and, since critics are +so divided in their verdicts, I may well be pardoned an opinion +which so many passages seem to sanction. If Quakerism is belief in +'immediate inspiration,' which you will scarcely deny, then +throughout the 'Excursion' Wordsworth seems its apostle." + +"No; he stands as a high priest in the temple of nature, and calls +mankind from scientific lore to offer their orisons there at his +altar and receive passively the teachings of the material universe. +Tells us," + + "'Our meddling intellect + Misshapes the beauteous forms of things,'" + +"and promises, in nature, an unerring guide and teacher of truth. In +his lines on revisiting the Wye, he declares himself," + + '"Well pleased to recognize + In nature, and the language of the sense, + The anchor of my purest thoughts, the nurse, + The guide, the guardian of my heart and soul, + Of all my moral being.'" + +"Quakerism rejects all extraneous aids to a knowledge of God; a +silent band of friends sit waiting for the direct inspiration which +alone can impart true light. Wordsworth made the senses, the +appreciation of the beauty and sublimity of the universe, an avenue +of light; while Quakerism, according to the doctrines of Fox and his +early followers, is merely a form of mysticism nearly allied to the +'ecstasy' of Plotinus. The Quaker silences his reason, his every +faculty, and in utter passivity waits for the infusion of divine +light into his mind; the mystic of Alexandria, as far as possible, +divests his intellect of all personality, and becomes absorbed in +the Infinite intelligence from which it emanated." + +Beulah knitted her brows, and answered musingly: + +"And here, then, extremes meet. To know God we must be God. +Mysticism and Pantheism link hands over the gulf which seemed to +divide them." + +"Miss Benton, is this view of the subject a novel one?" said he, +looking at her very intently. + +"No; a singular passage in the 'Biographia Literaria' suggested it +to me long ago. But unwelcome hints are rarely accepted, you know." + +"Why unwelcome in this case?" + +She looked at him, but made no reply, and none was needed. He +understood why, and said quietly yet impressively: + +"It sets the seal of necessity upon Revelation. Not the mystical +intuitions of the dreamers, who would fain teach of continued direct +inspiration from God, even at the present time, but the revelation +which began in Genesis and ended with John on Patmos. The very +absurdities of philosophy are the most potent arguments in +substantiating the claims of Christianity. Kant's theory that we can +know nothing beyond ourselves gave the deathblow to philosophy. +Mysticism contends that reason only darkens the mind, and +consequently, discarding all reasoning processes, relies upon +immediate revelation. But the extravagances of Swedenborg, and even +of George Fox, prove the fallacy of the assumption of continued +inspiration, and the only alternative is to rest upon the Christian +Revelation, which has successfully defied all assaults." + +There was an instantaneous flash of joy over Beulah's troubled face, +and she said hastily: + +"You have escaped the contagion, then? Such exemption is rare +nowadays, for skepticism broods with sable wings over the age" + +"It has always brooded where man essayed to lift the veil of Isis; +to elucidate the arcana of the universe, to solve the unsolvable. +Skepticism is the disease of minds which Christian faith alone can +render healthy." + +The thrust showed she was not invulnerable; but before she could +reply, Georgia exclaimed: + +"In the name of common sense, Reginald, what are you discoursing +about so tiresomely? I suppose I am shamefully stupid, but I don't +understand a word you two have been saying. When father and Beulah +get on such dry, tedious subjects I always set up an opposition at +the piano, which in this instance I am forced to do, from sheer +necessity." + +She raised the lid of the piano and rattled off a brilliant +overture; then made Beulah join her in several instrumental duets. +As the latter rose, Mr. Lindsay said, somewhat abruptly: + +"I believe you sing. My cousins have been extolling your voice, and +I have some curiosity to hear you. Will you gratify me?" + +"Certainly, if you desire it." + +She could not refrain from smiling at the perfect nonchalance of his +manner, and, passing her fingers over the keys, sang a beautiful air +from "Lucia." Her guest listened attentively, and, when the song was +ended, approached the piano, and said, with some interest: + +"I should prefer a simple ballad, if you will favor me with one." + +"Something after the order of 'Lilly Dale,' Beulah. He hears nothing +else in his country home," said Georgia teasingly. + +He smiled, but did not contradict her, and Beulah sang that +exquisite ballad, "Why Do Summer Roses Fade?" It was one of her +guardian's favorite airs, and now his image was associated with the +strain. Ere the first verse was finished, a deep, rich, manly voice, +which had sometimes echoed through the study, seemed again to join +hers, and, despite her efforts, her own tones trembled. + +Soon after Beulah took her place at the tea table in the center of +the room, and conversation turned on the delights of country life. + +"Reginald, how do you manage to amuse yourself in that little town +of yours?" asked Georgia, drawing the bowl of strawberries near and +helping him bountifully. + +"I might answer that I had passed the age when amusement was +necessary, but I will not beg your question so completely. In the +first place, I do not reside in town. My office is there, and during +the day, when not absent at court, I am generally in my office; but +evening always finds me at home. Once there, I have endless sources +of amusement; my mother's flowers and birds, my farm affairs, my +music, and my library, to say nothing of hunting and fishing. +Remember, Georgia, that, as a class, lawyers are not addicted to +what you call amusements." + +"But after living in Europe, and traveling so much, I should think +that plantation would be horribly dull. Do you never suffer from +ennui, cut off as you are from all society?" + +"Ennui is a disease of which I am yet happily ignorant. But for my +mother I should feel the need of society; in a great measure her +presence supplies it. I shall tell you no more, cousin mine, since +you and Helen are to spend a portion of your summer with us, and can +judge for yourselves of the attractions of my country home." + +"Are you residing near Mr. Arlington?" said Beulah. + +"Quite near; his plantation adjoins mine. Is he a friend of yours?" + +"No; but I have a friend living this year in his family. Miss +Sanders is governess for his children. You probably know her." + +"Yes; I see her occasionally. Report says she is soon to become the +bride of Richard Arlington." + +A slight smile curved his lips as he watched Beulah's countenance. +She offered no comment, and he perceived that the on dit was not new +to her. + +"Beulah, I suppose you have heard of Dr. Hartwell's intended journey +to the East? What an oddity he is! Told me he contemplated renting a +bungalow somewhere in heathendom, and turning either Brahmin or +Parsee, he had not quite decided which. He has sold his beautiful +place to the Farleys. The greenhouse plants he gave to mother, and +all the statuary and paintings are to be sent to us until his +return, which cannot be predicted with any certainty. Father frets a +good deal over this freak, as he calls it, and says the doctor had +much better stay at home and physic the sick. I thought it was a +sudden whim; but he says he has contemplated the trip a long time. +He is going immediately, I believe. It must be a trial to you," said +the thoughtless girl. + +"Yes; I cannot realize it yet," replied Beulah, struggling with +herself for composure, and hastily setting down her teacup, which +trembled violently. The shadows swept over her once more. Mr. +Lindsay noticed her agitation, and, with delicate consideration, +forbore to look at her. Georgia continued heedlessly: + +"I wanted that melodeon that sits in his study; but, though the +remainder of the furniture is to be auctioned off, he says he will +not sell the melodeon, and requested my father to have it carefully +locked up somewhere at home. I asked if I might not use it, and what +do you suppose he said? That I might have his grand piano, if I +would accept it, but that nobody was to touch his melodeon. I told +him he ought to send the piano out to you, in his absence; but he +looked cross, and said you would not use it if he did." + +Poor Beulah! her lips quivered, and her fingers clasped each other +tightly, but she said nothing. Just then she heard Dr. Asbury's +quick step in the hall, and, to her infinite relief, he entered, +accompanied by Helen. She saw that, though his manner was kind and +bantering as usual, there was an anxious look on his benevolent +face, and his heavy brows occasionally knitted. When he went into +the adjoining room to see Mrs. Williams, she understood his glance, +and followed him. He paused in the hall, and said eagerly: + +"Has Hartwell been here lately?" + +"Yes; he was here last week." + +"Did he tell you of his whim about traveling East?" + +"Yes; he told me." + +"Beulah, take care what you are about! You are working mischief not +easily rectified. Child, keep Guy at home!" + +"He is master of his own movements, and you know his stubborn will. +I would keep him here if I could; but I have no influence." + +"All fiddlesticks! I know better! I am neither a bat nor a mole. +Beulah, I warn you; I beg you, child, mind how you act. Once +entirely estranged, all the steam of Christendom could not force him +back. Don't let him go; if you do, the game is up, I tell you now. +You will repent your own work, if you do not take care. I told him +he was a fool to leave such a position as his and go to dodging +robbers in Eastern deserts; whereupon he looked as bland and +impenetrable as if I had compared him to Solomon. There, go back to +your company, end mind what I say; don't let Guy go." + +He left her; and, though she exerted herself to entertain her +guests, Mr. Lindsay saw that her mind was troubled and her heart +oppressed. He endeavored to divert her thoughts, by introducing +various topics; and she talked and smiled, and even played and sang, +yet the unlifting cloud lay on her brow. The evening seemed +strangely long, and she accompanied her visitors to the door with a +sensation of relief. At parting Mr. Lindsay took her hand, and said +in a low voice: + +"May I come whenever I am in your city?" + +"Certainly; I shall be pleased to see you when you have leisure," +she replied hurriedly. + +"I shall avail myself of your permission, I assure you." + +She had often heard Dr. Asbury speak with fond pride of this nephew; +and, as Eugene had also frequently mentioned him in his early +letters from Heidelberg, she felt that he was scarcely a stranger, +in the ordinary acceptation of the term. To her, his parting words +seemed merely polite, commonplace forms; and, with no thought of a +future acquaintance, she dismissed him from her mind, which was too +painfully preoccupied to dwell upon the circumstances of his visit. + +A few days passed, and one Saturday morning she sat in the dining +room, finishing a large drawing upon which she had for months +expended all her leisure moments. It was designed from a description +in "Queen Mab," and she took up her crayon to give the final touch, +when heavy steps in the hall arrested her attention, and, glancing +toward the door, she saw Hal, Dr. Hartwell's driver, with a wooden +box on his shoulder and Charon by his side. The latter barked with +delight, and sprang to meet the girl, who had hastily risen. + +"How do you do, Miss Beulah? It is many a day since I have seen you, +and you look worse of wear too. Haven't been sick, have you?" said +Hal, sliding the box down on the floor. + +"Not exactly sick, but not so well as usual," she answered, passing +her trembling hands over the dog's head. + +"Well, I don't see, for my part, what is to become of us all, now +master's gone--" + +"Gone!" echoed Beulah. + +"Why, to be sure. He started to the plantation yesterday, to set +things all in order there, and then he is going straight on to New +York. The house looks desolate enough, and I feel like I was about +to dig my own grave. Just before he left he called me into the +study, and told me that, as soon as he had gone, I was to bring +Charon over to you and ask you to keep him and take care of him. He +tried to unlock the collar on his neck, but somehow the key would +not turn. Master looked dreadful sad when he patted poor Char's head +and let the brute put his paws on his shoulders for the last time. +Just as the boat pushed off he called to me to be sure to bring him +to you; so here he is; and, Miss Beulah, the poor fellow seems to +know something is wrong; he whined all night, and ran over the empty +house this morning, growling and snuffing. You are to keep him till +master comes home; the Lord only knows when that will be. I tried to +find out; but he looked for the world like one of them stone faces +in the study, and gave me no satisfaction. Miss Beulah, Dr. Asbury +was at the house just as I started, and he sent over this box to +you. Told me to tell you that he had all the pictures moved to his +house, but had not room to hang all, so he sent one over for you to +take care of. Shall I take it out of the case?" + +"Never mind, Hal; I can do that. Did your master leave no other +message for me? was there no note?" She leaned heavily on a chair to +support herself. + +"None that I know of, except that you must be kind to Charon. I have +no time to spare; Dr. Asbury needs me; so good-by, Miss Beulah. I +will stop some day when I am passing, and see how the dog comes on. +I know he will be satisfied with you." + +The faithful servant touched his hat and withdrew. The storm of +grief could no longer be repressed, and, sinking down on the floor, +Beulah clasped her arms round Charon's neck and hid her face in his +soft, curling hair, while her whole frame shook with convulsive +sobs. She had not believed her guardian would leave without coming +again, and had confidently expected him, and now he had gone. +Perhaps forever; at best, for many years. She might never see him +again, and this thought was more than she could endure. The proud +restraint she was wont to impose upon her feelings all vanished, and +in her despairing sorrow she wept and moaned as she had never done +before, even when Lilly was taken from her. Charon crouched close to +her, with a mute grief clearly written in his sober, sagacious +countenance, and each clung to the other, as to a last stay and +solace. He was a powerful animal, with huge limbs, and a think, +shaggy covering, sable as midnight, without a speck of white about +him. Around his neck was a silver chain, supporting a broad piece of +plate, on which was engraved, in German letters, the single word, +"Hartwell." How long she sat there Beulah knew not; but a growl +roused her, and she saw Mrs. Williams looking sorrowfully at her. + +"My child, what makes you moan and weep so bitterly." + +"Oh, because I am so miserable; because I have lost my best friend; +my only friend; my guardian. He has gone--gone! and I did not see +him." With a stifled cry her face went down again. + +The matron had never seen her so unnerved before, and wondered at +the vehemence of her grief, but knew her nature too well to attempt +consolation. Beulah lifted the box and retired to her own room, +followed by Charon. Securing the door, she put the case on the table +and looked at it wistfully. Were her conjectures, her hopes, +correct? She raised the lid and unwrapped the frame, and there was +the noble head of her guardian. She hung the portrait on a hook just +above her desk, and then stood, with streaming eyes, looking up at +it. It had been painted a few weeks after his marriage, and +represented him in the full morning of manhood, ere his heart was +embittered and his clear brow overshadowed. The artist had suffered +a ray of sunshine to fall on the brown hair that rippled round his +white temples with careless grace. There was no mustache to shade +the sculptured lips, and they seemed about to part in one of those +rare, fascinating smiles which Beulah had often watched for in vain. +The matchless eyes looked down at her, with brooding tenderness in +their hazel depths, and now seemed to question her uncontrollable +grief. Yet she had pained him; had in part caused his exile from the +home of his youth, and added another sorrow to those which now +veiled that peerless face in gloom. He had placed his happiness in +her hands; had asked her to be his wife. She looked at the portrait, +and shuddered and moaned. She loved him above all others; loved him +as a child adores its father; but how could she, who had so +reverenced him, consent to become his wife? Besides, she could not +believe he loved her. He liked her; pitied her isolation and +orphanage; felt the need of her society, and wanted her always in +his home. But she could not realize that he, who so worshiped +beauty, could possibly love her. It was all like a hideous dream +which morning would dispel; but there was the reality, and there was +Charon looking steadily up at the portrait he was at no loss to +recognize. + +"Oh, if I could have seen him once more! If he had parted with me in +kindness, it would not be so intolerable. But to remember his stern, +sad face, as last I saw it; oh, how can I bear it I To have it +haunting me through life, like a horrible specter; no friendly words +to cherish; no final message; all gloom and anger. Oh, how shall I +bear it!" And she fell on Charon's neck and wept bitterly. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIII. + + +In the early days of summer Mr. and Mrs. Graham left the city for +one of the fashionable watering-places on the Gulf, accompanied by +Antoinette. Eugene remained, on some pretext of business, but +promised to follow in a short time. The week subsequent to their +departure saw a party of gentlemen assembled to dine at his house. +The long afternoon wore away; still they sat round the table. The +cloth had been removed, and only wine and cigars remained; bottle +after bottle was emptied, and finally decanters were in requisition. +The servants shrugged their shoulders, and looked on with amused +expectancy. The conversation grew loud and boisterous, now and then +flavored with oaths; twilight came on--the shutters were closed--the +magnificent chandelier lighted. Eugene seized a crystal ice bowl, +and was about to extract a lump of ice when it fell from his fingers +and shivered to atoms. A roar of laughter succeeded the exploit, +and, uncorking a fresh bottle of champagne, he demanded a song. +Already a few of the guests were leaning on the table stupefied, but +several began the strain. It was a genuine Bacchanalian ode, and the +deafening shout rose to the frescoed ceiling as the revelers leaned +forward and touched their glasses. Touched, did I say; it were +better written clashed. There was a ringing chorus as crystal met +crystal; glittering fragments flew in every direction; down ran the +foaming wine, thick with splintered glass, on the rosewood table. +But the strain was kept up; fresh glasses were supplied; fresh +bottles drained; the waiters looked on, wondered where all this +would end, and pointed to the ruin of the costly service. The +brilliant gaslight shone on a scene of recklessness pitiable indeed. +All were young men, and, except Eugene, all unmarried; but they +seemed familiar with such occasions. One or two, thoroughly +intoxicated, lay with their heads on the table, unconscious of what +passed; others struggled to sit upright, yet the shout was still +raised from time to time. + +"Fill up, and let us have that glorious song from Lucrezia Borgia. +Hey, Proctor!" cried Eugene. + +"That is poor fun without Vincent. He sings it equal to Vestvali. +Fill up there, Munroe, and shake up Cowdon. Come, begin, and--" + +He raised his glass with a disgusting oath, and was about to +commence, when Munroe said stammeringly: + +"Where is Fred, anyhow? He is a devilish fine fellow for a frolic. +I--" + +"Why, gone to the coast with Graham's pretty wife. He is all +devotion. They waltz and ride, and, in fine, he is her admirer par +excellence. Stop your stupid stammering, and begin." + +Eugene half rose at this insulting mention of his wife's name, but +the song was now ringing around him, and, sinking back, he, too, +raised his unsteady voice. Again and again the words were madly +shouted; and then, dashing his empty glass against the marble +mantel, Proctor swore he would not drink another drop. What a +picture of degradation! Disordered hair, soiled clothes, flushed, +burning cheeks, glaring eyes, and nerveless hands. Eugene attempted +to rise, but fell back in his chair, tearing off his cravat, which +seemed to suffocate him. Proctor, who was too thoroughly inured to +such excesses to feel it as sensibly as the remainder of the party, +laughed brutally, and, kicking over a chair which stood in his way, +grasped his host by the arm, and exclaimed: + +"Come out of this confounded room; it is as hot as a furnace; and +let us have a ride to cool us. Come. Munroe and Cowdon must look +after the others. By Jove, Graham, old father Bacchus himself could +not find fault with your cellar. Come." + +Each took a cigar from the stand and descended to the front door, +where a light buggy was waiting the conclusion of the revel. It was +a cloudless July night, and the full moon poured a flood of silver +light over the silent earth. Proctor assisted Eugene into the buggy, +and, gathering up the reins, seized the whip, gave a flourish and +shout, and off sprang the spirited horse, which the groom could with +difficulty hold until the riders were seated. + +"Now, Graham, I will bet a couple of baskets of Heidseick that my +royal Telegraph will make the first mile post in 2.30. What say +you?" + +"Done; 2.40 is the lowest." + +"Phew! Telegraph, my jewel, show what manner of flesh you are made +of. Now, then, out with your watch." + +He shook the reins and the horse rushed forward like an arrow. +Before the mile post was reached it became evident that Telegraph +had taken the game entirely out of his master's hands. In vain the +reins were tightened. Proctor leaned so far back that his hat fell +off. Still the frantic horse sped on. The mile post flashed by, but +Eugene could barely sit erect, much less note the time. At this +stage of the proceedings, the whir of wheels behind gave a new +impetus to Telegraph's flying feet. They were near a point in the +road where an alley led off at right angles, and thinking, +doubtless, that it was time to retrace his steps, the horse dashed +down the alley, heedless of Proctor's efforts to restrain him, and, +turning into a neighboring street, rushed back toward the city. +Bareheaded, and with heavy drops of perspiration streaming from his +face, Proctor cursed, and jerked, and drew the useless reins. On +went Telegraph, making good his title, now swerving to this side of +the road and now to that; but as he approached a mass of bricks +which were piled on one side of the street, near the foundations of +a new building, the moonlight flashed upon a piece of tin in the +sand on the opposite side, and, frightened by the glitter, he +plunged toward the bricks. The wheels struck, the buggy tilted, then +came down again with a terrible jolt, and Eugene was thrown out on +the pile. Proctor was jerked over the dashboard, dragged some +distance, and finally left in the sand, while Telegraph ran on to +the stable. + +It was eleven o'clock, but Beulah was writing in her own room; and +through the open window heard the thundering tramp, the rattle among +the bricks, Proctor's furious curses, and surmised that some +accident had happened. She sprang to the window, saw the buggy just +as it was wheeled on, and hoped nothing was hurt. But Charon, who +slept on the portico, leaped over the paling, ran around the bricks, +and barked alarmingly. She unlocked the door, saw that no one was +passing, and, opening the little gate, looked out. Charon stood +watching a prostrate form, and she fearlessly crossed the street and +bent over the body. One arm was crushed beneath him; the other +thrown up over the face. She recognized the watch chain, which was +of a curious pattern; and, for an instant, all objects swam before +her. She felt faint; her heart seemed to grow icy and numb; but, +with a great effort, she moved the arm, and looked on the face +gleaming in the moonlight. Trembling like a weed in a wintry blast, +she knelt beside him. He was insensible, but not dead; though it was +evident there must have been some severe contusion about the head. +She saw that no time should be lost, and, running into one of the +neighboring houses, knocked violently. The noise of the horse and +buggy had already aroused the inmates, and very soon the motionless +form was borne into Beulah's little cottage and placed on a couch, +while a messenger was dispatched for Dr. Asbury. Eugene remained +just as they placed him; and, kneeling beside him, Beulah held his +cold hands in hers, and watched, in almost breathless anxiety, for +some return of animation. She knew that he was intoxicated; that +this, and this only, caused the accident; and tears of shame and +commiseration trickled down her cheeks. Since their parting +interview, previous to his marriage, they had met but once, and then +in silence, beside Cornelia in her dying hour. It was little more +than a year since she had risked his displeasure, and remonstrated +with him on his ruinous course; and that comparatively short period +had wrought painful changes in his once noble, handsome face. She +had hoped that Cornelia's dying prayer would save him; but now, +alas, it was too apparent that the appeal had been futile. She knew +not that his wife was absent, and determined to send for her as soon +as possible. The long hour of waiting seemed an eternity; but at +last Dr. Asbury came, and carefully examined the bruised limbs. +Beulah grasped his arm. + +"Oh! will he die?" + +"I don't know, child; this arm is badly fractured, and I am afraid +there is a severe injury on the back of the head. It won't do to +move him home, so send Hal in from my buggy to help put him in bed. +Have me some bandages at once, Beulah." + +As they carried him into Mrs. Williams' room and prepared to set the +fractured arm, he groaned, and for a moment struggled, then relapsed +into a heavy stupor. Dr. Asbury carefully straightened and bandaged +the limb, and washed the blood from his temples, where a gash had +been inflicted in the fall. + +"Will you go to his wife at once, sir, and inform her of his +condition?" said Beulah, who stood by the blood-stained pillow, pale +and anxious. + +"Don't you know his wife is not here? She has gone for the summer. +Wife! did I say? She does not deserve the sacred name! If he had had +a wife he would never have come to this ruin and disgrace. It is +nothing more than I expected when he married her. I could easily put +her soul on the end of a lancet, and as for heart--she has none at +all! She is a pretty flirt, fonder of admiration than of her +husband. I will write by the earliest mail, informing Graham of the +accident and its possible consequences, and perhaps respect for the +opinion of the world may bring her home to him. Beulah, it is a +difficult matter to believe that that drunken, stupid victim there +is Eugene Graham, who promised to become an honor to his friends and +his name. Satan must have established the first distillery; the +institution smacks of the infernal! Child, keep ice upon that head, +will you, and see that as soon as possible he takes a spoonful of +the medicine I mixed just now. I am afraid it will be many days +before he leaves this house. If he lives, the only consolation is +that it may be a lesson and warning to him. I will be back in an +hour or so. As for Proctor, whom I met limping home, it would have +been a blessing to the other young men of the city, and to society +generally, if he had never crawled out of the sand where he was +thrown." + +A little while after the silence was broken by a heavy sob, and, +glancing up, Beulah perceived the matron standing near the bed, +gazing at the sleeper. + +"Oh, that he should come to this! I would ten thousand times rather +he had died in his unstained boyhood." + +"If he lives, this accident may be his salvation." + +"God grant it may--God grant it may!" + +Falling on her knees, the aged woman put up a prayer of passionate +entreaty, that Almighty God would spare his life and save him from a +drunkard's fate. + +"If I, too, could pray for him, it might ease my aching heart," +thought Beulah, as she listened to the imploring words of the +matron. + +And why not? Ah! the murky vapors of unbelief shrouded the All- +Father from her wandering soul. Dawn looked in upon two sorrowing +watchers beside that stupid slumberer, and showed that the +physician's fears were realized; a raging fever had set in, and this +night was but the commencement of long and weary vigils. About noon +Beulah was crossing the hall with a bowl of ice in her hand, when +someone at the door pronounced her name, and Proctor approached her, +accompanied by Cowdon. She had once met the former at Mr. Graham's, +and, having heard Cornelia regret the miserable influence he exerted +over her brother, was prepared to receive him coldly. + +"We have come to see Graham, madam," said he, shrinking from her +sad, searching eyes, yet assuming an air of haughty indifference. + +"You cannot see him, sir." + +"But I tell you I must! I shall remove him to his own house, where +he can be properly attended to. Where is he?" + +"The physician particularly urged the necessity of keeping +everything quiet. He shall not be disturbed; but, as he is +unconscious, perhaps it will afford you some gratification to behold +the ruin you have wrought. Gentlemen, here is your victim." + +She opened the door and suffered them to stand on the threshold and +look at the prostrate form, with the head enveloped in icy cloths +and the face bloated and purplish from bruises and fever. Neither +Proctor nor his companion could endure the smile of withering +contempt which curled her lips as she pointed to the victim of their +temptations and influence, and, with a half-suppressed imprecation, +Proctor turned on his heel and left the house. Apparently this brief +visit quite satisfied them, for it was not repeated. Days and nights +of unremitted watching ensued; Eugene was wildly delirious, now +singing snatches of drinking songs, and waving his hand, as if to +his guests; and now bitterly upbraiding his wife for her +heartlessness and folly. The confinement of his fractured arm +frenzied him; often he struggled violently to free himself, fancying +that he was incarcerated in some horrid dungeon. On the morning of +the fourth day after the accident a carriage stopped at the cottage +gate, and, springing out, Mr. Graham hurried into the house. As he +entered the sickroom and caught sight of the tossing sufferer, a +groan escaped him, and he covered his eyes an instant, as if to shut +out the vision. Eugene imagined he saw one of the Heidelberg +professors, and, laughing immoderately, began a rapid conversation +in German. Mr. Graham could not conceal his emotion, and, fearing +its effect on the excitable patient, Beulah beckoned him aside and +warned him of the possible consequences. He grasped her hand, and +asked the particulars of the occurrence, which had been mentioned to +him vaguely. She told him the account given by Eugene's servants of +the night's revel, and then the denouement in front of her door. In +conclusion she said earnestly: + +"Where is his wife? Why is she not here?" + +"She seemed to think she could render no assistance; and, fearing +that all would be over before we could get here, preferred my coming +at once and writing to her of his condition. Ah! she is miserably +fitted for such scenes as you must have witnessed." And the gray- +haired man sighed heavily. + +"What! can she bear to commit her husband to other hands at such a +crisis as this? How can she live away from his side when every hour +may be his last? Oh, is she indeed so utterly, utterly heartless, +selfish, callous? Poor Eugene! Better find release from such a union +in death than go through life bound to a wife so unblushingly +indifferent!" + +Her face was one flash of scorn and indignation, and, extending her +hand toward the restless invalid, she continued in a lower tone: + +"She has deserted her sacred post; but a truer, better friend, one +who has always loved him as a brother, will supply her place. All +that a sister's care can do, assuredly he shall have." + +"You are very kind, Miss Beulah; my family are under lasting +obligations to you for your generous attentions to that poor boy of +ours, and I--" + +"No. You understand little of the nature of our friendship. We were +orphan children, warmly attached to each other, before you took him +to a home of wealth and lavish indulgence. Were he my own brother, I +could not feel more deeply interested in his welfare, and while he +requires care and nursing I consider it my privilege to watch over +and guard him. There is Dr. Asbury in the hall; he can tell you +better than I of his probable recovery," + +Ah, reader, is + + "Friendship but a name? + A charm that lulls to Bleep, + A shade that follows wealth or fame, + And leaves the wretch to weep?" + +Mr. Graham remained at the cottage, and, having written to +Antoinette of the imminent danger in which he found her husband, +urged her to lose no time in joining him. Unluckily, he was ignorant +of all the information which is so essential in the occupation of +nursing. He was anxious to do everything in his power; but, like the +majority of persons on such occasions, failed wretchedly in his +attempts. Almost as restless and nervous as the sick man, he only +increased the difficulties he would fain have remedied, and Beulah +finally prevailed upon him to abandon his efforts and leave the +room, where his constant movements annoyed and irritated the +sufferer. Eugene recognized no one, but his eyes followed Beulah +continually; and when his delirium was at its height only her voice +and clasp of his hand could in any degree soothe him. In his ravings +she noticed two constantly conflicting emotions: a stern bitterness +of feeling toward his wife and an almost adoring fondness for his +infant child. Of the latter he talked incessantly, and vowed that +she, at least, should love him. As the weary days crept by Beulah +started at every sound, fancying that the wife had certainly come; +but hour after hour found only Mrs. Williams and the orphan guarding +the deserted husband. Gradually the fever abated, and a death-like +stupor succeeded. Mr. Graham stole about the house like a haunting +spirit, miserable and useless, and in the solemn stillness of +midnight only Beulah sat by the pillow, where a head now rested +motionless as that of a corpse. Mrs. Williams was asleep on a couch +at the opposite end of the room, and, in the dim, spectral light of +the shaded lamp, the watcher and her charge looked unearthly. Faint +from constant vigils, Beulah threw her arm on the bed and leaned her +head upon it, keeping her eyes on the colorless face before her. Who +that has watched over friends, hovering upon the borders of the +spiritland, needs to be told how dreary was the heart of the +solitary nurse? And to those who have not thus suffered and endured, +no description would adequately portray the desolation and gloom. + +The stars were waning, when Eugene moved, threw up his hand over the +pillow, and, after a moment, opened his eyes. Beulah leaned forward, +and he looked at her fixedly, as if puzzled; then said feebly: + +"Beulah, is it you?" + +A cry of joy rolled to her lips; but she hushed it, and answered +tremblingly: + +"Yes, Eugene; it is Beulah." + +His eyes wandered about the room, and then rested again on her +countenance, with a confused, perplexed expression. + +"Am I at home? What is the matter?" + +"Yes, Eugene; at home among your best friends. Don't talk any more; +try to sleep again." With a great joy in her heart she extinguished +the light, so that he could see nothing. After a few moments he said +slowly: + +"Beulah, did I dream I saw you? Beulah!" She felt his hand put out, +as if to feel for her. + +"No; I am sitting by you, but will not talk to you now. You must +keep quiet." + +There was a short silence. + +"But where am I? Not at home, I know." + +She did not reply, and he repeated the question more earnestly. + +"You are in my house, Eugene; let that satisfy you." + +His fingers closed over hers tightly, and soon he slept. + +The sun was high in the sky when he again unclosed his eyes and +found Dr. Asbury feeling his pulse. His mind was still bewildered, +and he looked around him wonderingly. + +"How do you feel, Graham?" said the doctor. + +"Feel! as if I had been standing on my head. What is the matter with +me, doctor? Have I been sick?" + +"Well--yes; you have not been exactly well, and feel stupid after a +long nap. Take a spoonful of this nectar I have prepared for you. No +wry faces, man! It will clear your head." + +Eugene attempted to raise himself, but fell back exhausted, while, +for the first time, he noticed his arm firmly incased in wood and +bandages. + +"What have you been doing to my arm? Why, I can't move it. I should- +-" + +"Oh, don't trouble yourself, Graham; you injured it, and I bound it +up, that is all. When gentlemen amuse themselves with such gymnastic +feats as you performed, they must expect a little temporary +inconvenience from crushed bones and overstrained muscles. Beulah, +mind my directions about silence and quiet." + +The doctor walked out to escape further questioning. Eugene looked +at his useless, stiffened arm and then at Beulah, saying anxiously: + +"What is the matter with me?" + +"You were thrown out of a buggy and fractured your arm in the fall." + +She thought it best to tell the truth at once. + +Memory flew back to her deserted throne, and dimly the events of +that evening's revel passed through his mind. A flush of shame rose +to his temples, and, turning his head toward the wall, he hid his +face in the pillow. Then Beulah heard a deep, shuddering sigh and a +groan of remorseful agony. After a long silence, he said, in a tone +of humiliation that drew tears to her eyes: + +"How long have I been here?" + +She told him the number of days, and he immediately asked, + +"Have I been in any danger?" + +"Yes; very great danger; out that has all passed now, and if you +will only be composed and careful you will soon be strong again." + +"I heard my father talking to you. Who else is here?" + +He looked at her with eager interest. + +"No one else, except our kind matron. Mr. Graham came as soon as the +letter reached him, and has not left the house since." + +A look of indescribable sorrow and shame swept over his countenance +as he continued bitterly: + +"And did Antoinette know all at once? Stop, Beulah; tell me the +miserable truth. Did she know all and still remain away?" + +"She knew all that had been communicated to Mr. Graham when he came; +and he has written to her every day. He is now writing to inform her +that you are better." + +She shrank from giving the pain she was conscious her words +inflicted. + +"I deserve it all! Yes, ingratitude, indifference, and desertion! If +I had died she would have heard it unmoved. Oh, Cornelia, Cornelia, +it is a fearful retribution; more bitter than death!" Averting his +face, his whole frame trembled with ill-concealed emotion. + +"Eugene, you must compose yourself. Remember you jeopardize your +life by this sort of excitement." + +"Why didn't you let me die? What have I to live for? A name +disgraced and a wife unloving and heartless! What has the future but +wretchedness and shame?" + +"Not unless you will it so. You should want to live to retrieve your +character, to take an honorable position, which, hitherto, you have +recklessly forfeited; to make the world respect you, your wife +revere you, and your child feel that she may be proud of her father! +Ah, Eugene, all this the future calls you to do." + +He looked up at her as she stood beside him, pale, thin, and weary, +and his feeble voice faltered, as he asked: + +"Beulah, my best friend, my sister, do you quite despise me?" + +She laid her hands softly on his, and, stooping down, pressed her +lips to his forehead. + +"Eugene, once I feared that you had fallen even below my pity; but +now I believe you will redeem yourself. I hope that, thoroughly +reformed, you will command the respect of all who know you and +realize the proud aspirations I once indulged for you. That you can +do this I feel assured; that you will, I do most sincerely trust. I +have not yet lost faith in you, Eugene. I hope still." + +She left him to ponder in solitude the humiliating result of his +course of dissipation. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIV. + + +The hours of gradual convalescence were very trying to Beulah, now +that the sense of danger no longer nerved her to almost superhuman +endurance and exertion. Mr. Graham waited until his adopted son was +able to sit up, and then returned to the watering-place where his +wife remained. Thus the entire charge of the invalid devolved on the +tireless friends who had watched over him in the hour of peril. +Beulah had endeavored to banish the sorrow that pressed so heavily +on her heart, and to dispel the gloom and despondency which seemed +to have taken possession of the deserted husband. She read, talked, +sang to him, and constantly strove to cheer him by painting a future +in which the past was to be effectually canceled. Though well-nigh +exhausted by incessant care and loss of sleep, she never complained +of weariness, and always forced a smile of welcome to her lips when +the' invalid had his chair wheeled to her side, or tottered out into +the dining room to join her. One morning in August she sat on the +little gallery at the rear of the house, with a table before her, +engaged in drawing some of the clusters of blue, white, and pink +convolvulus which festooned the pillars and balustrade. Eugene sat +near her, with his thin face leaning on his hand, his thoughts +evidently far removed from flowers. His arm was still in a sling, +and he looked emaciated and dejected. Mrs. Williams had been talking +to him cheerfully about some money matters he had promised to +arrange for her so soon as he was well enough to go to his office; +but, gathering up her working materials, the old lady went into the +kitchen, and the two sat for some time in silence. One of his long- +drawn sighs arrested Beulah's attention, and she said kindly: + +"What is the matter, brother mine? Are you tired of watching my +clumsy fingers? Shall I finish that essay of Macaulay's you were so +much interested in yesterday, or will you have another of Bryant's +poems?" She laid down her pencil, quite ready to divert his mind by +reading. + +"No; do not quit your drawing; I should not enjoy even Macaulay to- +day." + +He threw his head back, and sighed again. + +"Why, Eugene? Don't you feel as well as usual this morning? Remember +your family will arrive to-day; you should be the happiest man +living." + +"Oh, Beulah! don't mock me. I cannot bear it. My life seems a +hopeless blank." + +"You ought not to talk so despondingly; you have everything to live +for. House your energies. Be indeed a man. Conquer this weak, +repining spirit. Don't you remember the motto on the tombstone at +St. Gilgen? + + "'Look not mournfully on the past--it comes not back; + Enjoy the present--it is thine. + Go forth to meet the shadowy future + With a manly heart, and without fear.'" + +"You know little of what oppresses me. It is the knowledge of my--of +Antoinette's indifference which makes the future so joyless, so +desolate. Beulah, this has caused my ruin. When I stood by +Cornelia's coffin, and recalled her last frantic appeal; when I +looked down at her cold face, and remembered her devoted love for +her unworthy brother, I vowed never to touch wine again; to absent +myself from the associates who had led me to dissipation. Beulah, I +was honest, and intended to reform from that hour. But Antoinette's +avowed coldness, or, to call it by its proper name, heartless +selfishness and fondness for admiration, first disgusted and then +maddened me. I would have gladly spent my evenings quietly, in our +elegant home; but she contrived to have it crowded with visitors as +soulless and frivolous as herself. I remonstrated; she was sneering, +defiant, and unyielding, and assured me she would 'amuse' herself as +she thought proper; I followed her example, and went back to the +reckless companions who continually beset my path. I was miserably +deceived in Antoinette's character. She was very beautiful, and I +was blind to her mental, nay, I may as well say it at once, her +moral, defects. I believed she was warmly attached to me, and I +loved her most devotedly. But no sooner were we married than I +discovered my blind rashness. Cornelia warned me; but what man, +fascinated by a beautiful girl, ever listened to counsels that +opposed his heart? Antoinette is too intensely selfish to love +anything or anybody but herself; she does not even love her child. +Strange as it may seem, she is too entirely engrossed by her weak +fondness for display and admiration even to caress her babe. Except +at breakfast and dinner we rarely meet, and then, unless company is +present (which is generally the case), our intercourse is studiedly +cold. Do you wonder that I am hopeless in view of a life passed with +such a companion? Oh, that I could blot out the last two years of my +existence!" + +He groaned, and shaded his face with his hands. + +"But, Eugene, probably your reformation and altered course will win +you your wife's love and reverence," suggested Beulah, anxious to +offer some incentive to exertion. + +"I know her nature too well to hope that. A woman who prefers to +dance and ride with gentlemen rather than remain in her luxurious +home with her babe and her duties, cannot be won from her moth-like +life. No, no! I despair of happiness from her society and affection, +and, if at all, must derive it from other sources. My child is the +one living blossom amidst all my withered hopes. She is the only +treasure I have, except your friendship. She shall never blush for +her father's degradation. Henceforth, though an unhappy man, I shall +prove myself a temperate one. I cannot trust my child's education to +Antoinette; she is unworthy the sacred charge; I must fit myself to +form her character. Oh, Beulah, if I could make her such a woman as +you are, then I could indeed bear my lot patiently! I named her +Cornelia, but henceforth she shall be called Beulah also, in token +of her father's gratitude to his truest friend." + +"No, Eugene; call her not after me, lest some of my sorrows come +upon her young head. Oh, no! name her not Beulah; let her be called +Cornelia. I would not have her soul shrouded as mine has been." +Beulah spoke vehemently, and, laying her hand on his arm, she added: + +"Eugene, to-day you will leave me and go back to your own house, to +your family; but before you go, I ask you, if not for your sake, for +that of your child, to promise me solemnly that you will never again +touch intoxicating drinks of any kind. Oh, will you promise? Will +you reform entirely?" + +There was a brief pause, and he answered slowly: + +"I promise, Beulah. Nay, my friend, I swear I will abstain in +future. Ah, I will never disgrace my angel child! Never, so help me +Heaven!" + +The sound of approaching steps interrupted the conversation, and, +expecting to see Antoinette and her infant, accompanied by Mr. and +Mrs. Graham, Beulah looked up quickly, and perceived Mr. Lindsay. + +"Does my advent startle you, that you look so pale and breathless?" +said he, smiling as he took her hand. + +"I am certainly very much surprised to see you here, sir." + +"And I am heartily glad you have come, Reginald," cried Eugene, +returning his friend's tight clasp. + +"I intended coming to nurse you, Graham, as soon as I heard of the +accident, but my mother's illness prevented my leaving home. I need +not ask about your arm; I see it still requires cautious handling; +but how are you otherwise? Regaining your strength, I hope?" + +"Yes; gradually. I am better than I deserve to be, Reginald." + +"That remains to be proved in future, Graham. Come, get well as +rapidly as possible; I have a plan to submit to you, the earliest +day you are strong enough to discuss business topics. Miss Beulah, +let me sharpen your pencil." + +He took it from her, trimmed it carefully, and handed it back; then +drew her portfolio near him, and glanced over the numerous +unfinished sketches. + +"I have several books filled with European sketches which, I think, +might afford you some pleasure. They were taken by different +persons; and some of the views on the Rhine, and particularly some +along the southern shore of Spain, are unsurpassed by any I have +seen. You may receive them some day, after I return." + +"Thank you; I shall copy them with great pleasure." + +"I see you are not as much of a pyrrhonist in art as in philosophy," +said Mr. Lindsay, watching her countenance as she bent over her +drawing. + +"Who told you, sir, that I was one in any department?" She looked up +suddenly, with flashing eyes. + +"There is no need to be told. I can readily perceive it." + +"Your penetration is at fault, then. Of all others, the charge of +pyrrhonism is the last I merit." + +He smiled, and said quietly: + +"What, then, is your aesthetic creed, if I may inquire?" + +"It is nearly allied to Cousin's." + +"I thought you had abjured eclecticism; yet Cousin is its apostle. +Once admit his theory of the beautiful, and you cannot reject his +psychology and ethics; nay, his theodicea." + +"I do not desire to separate his system; as such I receive it." + +Beulah compressed her lips firmly and looked at her interrogator +half defiantly. + +"You deliberately shut your eyes, then, to the goal his philosophy +sets before you?" + +"No; I am nearing the goal, looking steadily toward it." She spoke +hastily, and with an involuntary wrinkling of her brow. + +"And that goal is pantheism; draped gorgeously, but pantheism +still," answered Mr. Lindsay, with solemn emphasis. + +"No; his whole psychology is opposed to pantheism!" cried Beulah, +pushing aside her drawing materials and meeting his eyes fixedly. + +"You probably attach undue weight to his assertion that, although +God passes into the universe, or therein manifests all the elements +of his being, he is not 'exhausted in the act.' Now, granting, for +the sake of argument, that God is not entirely absorbed in the +universe, Cousin's pet doctrine of the 'Spontaneous Apperception of +Absolute Truths' clearly renders man a modification of God. +Difference in degree, you know, implies sameness of kind; from this +there is no escape. He says, 'The God of consciousness is not a +solitary sovereign, banished beyond creation, upon the throne of a +silent eternity, and an absolute existence, which resembles +existence in no respect whatever. He is a God, at once true and +real, substance and cause, one and many, eternity and time, essence +and life, end and middle; at the summit of existence and at its +base, infinite and finite together; in a word, a Trinity; being at +the same time God, Nature, and Humanity.' His separation of reason +and reasoning, and the results of his boasted 'spontaneous +apperception,' are very nearly allied to those of Schelling's +'Intellectual Intuition'; yet I suppose you would shrink from the +'absolute identity' of the latter?" + +"You have not stated the question fairly, sir. He reiterates that +the absolute belongs to none of us. We perceive truth, but do not +create it!" retorted Beulah. + +"You will perhaps remember his saying explicitly that we can +comprehend the Absolute?" + +"Yes; I recollect; and, moreover, he declares that 'we are conducted +to God by a ray of his own being.'" + +"Can limited faculties comprehend the infinite and eternal creator?" + +"We do not attain a knowledge of him through finite channels. Cousin +contends that it is by means of relation to the absolute that we +know God." + +"Then, to know the absolute, or God, you must be the absolute; or, +in other words, God only can find God. This is the simple doctrine, +when you unwind the veil he has cleverly hung over it. True, he +denounces pantheism; but here is pantheism of the eclectic patent, +differing from that of other systems only in subtlety of expression, +wherein Cousin certainly excels. One of the most profound +philosophical writers of the age, [Footnote: J. D. Moreil. +"Speculative Philosophy of Europe."] and one whose opinion on this +point certainly merits careful consideration, has remarked, in an +analysis of Cousin's system, 'with regard to his notion of Deity, we +have already shown how closely this verges upon the principle of +Pantheism. Even if we admit that it is not a doctrine, like that of +Spinoza, which identifies God with the abstract idea of substance; +or even like that of Hegel, which regards Deity as synonymous with +the absolute law and process of the universe; if we admit, in fact, +that the Deity of Cousin possesses a conscious personality, yet +still it is one which contains in itself the infinite personality +and consciousness of every subordinate mind. God is the ocean--we +are but the waves; the ocean may be one individuality, and each wave +another; but still they are essentially one and the same. We see not +how Cousin's Theism can possibly be consistent with any idea of +moral evil; neither do we see how, starting from such a dogma, he +can ever vindicate and uphold his own theory of human liberty. On +such theistic principles all sin must be simply defect, and all +defect must be absolutely fatuitous.' Eclecticism was a beautiful +but frail levee, opposed to the swollen tide of skepticism, and, as +in every other crevasse when swept away, it only caused the stream +to rush on more madly." + +He watched her closely as he spoke, and observed the quiver of her +long, curling lashes; he saw, too, that she was resolved not to +surrender, and waited for an explicit defense; but here Eugene +interrupted. + +"All this tweedledum and tweedledee reminds me of Heidelberg days, +when a few of us roamed about the Odenwald, chopping off flowers +with our canes and discussing philosophy. Rare jargon we made of it; +talking of cosmothetie idealism or hypothetical dualism, of noetic +and dianoetic principles, of hylozoism and hypostasis, and +demonstrating the most undemonstrable propositions by appeals to the +law of contradiction or of excluded middle. I fancied then that I +was growing very learned--wondered whether Beulah here would be able +to keep up with me, and really thought I understood what I +discoursed about so logically." + +"You can at least console yourself, Graham, by determining that + + "'You know what's what, and that's as high + As metaphysic wit can fly.'" + +I imagine there are very few of us who would agree with some of our +philosophers, that 'the pursuit of truth is far more important than +the attainment thereof'--that philosophizing is more valuable than +philosophy. To be conversant with the abstractions which, in the +hands of some metaphysical giants, have rendered both mind and +matter like abstractions, is a course of proceeding I should +scarcely indorse; and the best antidote I remember just now to any +such web-spinning proclivities is a persual of the three first +lectures of Sidney Smith on 'Moral Philosophy.' In recapitulating +the tenets of the schools, he says: 'The speculations of many of the +ancients on the human understanding are so confused, and so purely +hypothetical, that their greatest admirers are not agreed upon their +meaning; and whenever we can procure a plain statement of their +doctrines, all other modes of refuting them appear to be wholly +superfluous.' Miss Beulah, I especially commend you to these +humorous lectures." He bowed to her with easy grace. + +"I have them, sir--have read them with great pleasure," said Beulah, +smiling at his droll manner of mingled reserve and freedom. + +"What an exalted estimate that same incorrigible Sidney must have +placed upon the public taste of this republican land of ours? In one +of his lectures on 'the beauty of form,' I remember he says: 'A chin +ending in a very sharp angle would be a perfect deformity. A man +whose chin terminated in a point would be under the immediate +necessity of retiring to America--he would be such a perfect +horror!' Decidedly flattering to our national type of beauty." As +Eugene spoke, his lips wore a smile more akin to those of his +boyhood than any Beulah had seen since his return from Europe. + +"Yes; that was to show the influence of custom, be it remembered; +and, in the same connection, he remarks, honestly enough, that he +'hardly knows what a Grecian face is; but thinks it very probable +that if the elegant arts had been transmitted to us from the +Chinese, instead of the Greeks, that singular piece of deformity--a +Chinese nose--would have been held in high estimation.' It was +merely association." + +"Which I don't believe a word of!" cried Beulah, appropriating the +last as a lunge at her favorite absolutism. Rising, she placed her +drawings in the portfolio, for the sun had crept round the corner of +the gallery and was shining in her face. + +Mr. Lindsay smiled, without replying, and gave his arm to assist +Eugene into the house. They were comfortably seated in the dining +room, and Beulah knew that the discussion was about to be renewed, +when a carriage dashed up to the door. Eugene turned pale, and a +sudden rigidity seized his features. Beulah gave her guest a quick, +meaning glance, and retreated to the gallery, whither he instantly +followed her, leaving Eugene to receive his wife without witnesses. +Leaning against one of the pillars, Beulah unfastened a wreath of +blue convolvulus which Mrs. Williams had twined in her hair an hour +before. The delicate petals were withered, and, with a suppressed +sigh, she threw them away. Mr. Lindsay drew a letter from his pocket +and handed it to her, saying briefly: + +"I was commissioned to give you this, and, knowing the contents, +hope a favorable answer." + +It was from Clara, urging her to come up the following week and +officiate as bridesmaid at her wedding. She could return home with +Helen and George Asbury. Beulah read the letter, smiled sadly, and +put it in her pocket. + +"Will you go?" + +"No, sir." + +"Why not? You need a change of air, and the trip would benefit you. +You do not probably know how much you have altered in appearance +since I saw you. My uncle is coming out to persuade you to go. Can't +I succeed without his aid?" + +"I could not leave home now. Eugene's illness has prevented my +accomplishing some necessary work, and as I consign him to other +hands to-day, I must make amends for my long indolence. Thank you +for taking charge of my letter; but I cannot think of going." + +He perceived that no amount of persuasion would avail, and for an +instant a look of annoyance crossed his face. But his brow cleared +as he said, with a smile: + +"For a year I have watched for your articles, and the magazine is a +constant companion of my desk. Sometimes I am tempted to criticise +your sketches; perhaps I may do so yet, and that in no Boswell +spirit either." + +"Doubtless, sir, you would find them very vulnerable to criticism, +which nowadays has become a synonym for fault-finding; at least this +carping proclivity characterizes the class who seem desirous only of +earning reputation as literary Jeffreys. I am aware, sir, that I am +very vulnerable." + +"Suppose, then, that at the next month's literary assize (as you +seem disposed to consider it), you find in some of the magazines a +severe animadversion upon the spirit of your writings? Dare I do +this, and still hope for your friendship?" + +He watched her closely. + +"Certainly, sir. I am not writing merely to see myself in print, nor +wholly for remuneration in dollars and cents. I am earnestly +searching for truth, and if in my articles you discover error and +can correct it, I shall be glad to have you do so, provided you +adopt the catholic spirit which should distinguish such +undertakings. Now, if you merely intend to hold me up for ridicule +as thoroughly as possible, I prefer that you let me and my articles +rest; but a calm, dispassionate criticism I should not shrink from. +I write only what I believe, and if I am in error, I shall be glad +to have it corrected." + +"Miss Benton, may I venture to correct it without having recourse to +the vehicle of public criticism? Will you permit me to discuss with +you, here in your quiet home, those vital questions whose solution +seems to engage your every thought?" + +She drew back, and answered, with a dreary sort of smile: + +"I am afraid you would derive little pleasure, and I less profit, +from such disputation. I have learned from bitter experience that +merely logical forms of argumentation do not satisfy the hungry +soul. The rigid processes of Idealism annihilated the external +world; and Hume proved that Mind was a like chimera; yet who was +ever seriously converted by their incontrovertible reasoning? I have +lost faith in ratiocination." + +"Still you cling to opinions founded on its errors. Why not be +consistent, and, in rejecting its most potent ally, reject the +conclusions of Rationalism also?" + +"Because I must believe something. Faith in some creed is an +absolute necessity of human nature." + +"You distinguish faith, then, from intellectual belief?" + +"No; I compound them; my faith is based on mental conviction," +replied Beulah, perceiving whither he was leading her, and resolved +not to follow. + +"And this conviction results from those same processes of +ratiocination which you condemn as unworthy of credence, because +subject to gross, sometimes ludicrous, perversions?" + +"I am unable to detect any such perversion or inaccuracy in the +cautious course of reasoning which has assisted me to my present +belief." + +"Pardon me; but does this fact convince you of the Infallibility of +the course? Have you constituted your individual reason the sole +judge?" + +"Yes; there is no other left me." + +"And your conclusions are true for you only, since the individual +organism of your mind makes them so. To an intellect of a higher or +lower grade these conclusions would be untenable, since the +depressed or exalted reason judged them accordingly. You may cling +to some doctrine as absolutely and necessarily true, yet to my mind +it may seem a shallow delusion, like the vagaries of spirit- +rappers." + +"No; reasoning is often fallacious, but reason is divine; reasoning +often clouds the truth, but reason, by spontaneous apperception, +grasps truth," persisted Beulah unhesitatingly. + +"Then truth has as many phases, and as antagonistic, as there are +individuals in the universe. All men are prophets; all are alike +inspired; all alike worthy of trust and credence. Spontaneous reason +has grasped a number of oddly conflicting doctrines, let me tell +you, and the reconciliation of these would be an undertaking to +which the dozen labors of Hercules seem a farce." + +"The superstitions of various ages and nations are not valid +arguments against the existence of universal and necessary +principles." + +"Why, then, have these principles produced no unanimity of faith? +The history of the human race is the history of the rise of one +philosophy and religion from the ashes of its predecessor. There is +one universal belief in the necessity of religion, and this belief +built altars in the dawn of time; but your spontaneous reason is +perpetually changing the idols on these altars. The God of one man's +reason will not satisfy that of his neighbor." + +Before Beulah could reply she heard Eugene calling her in the hall, +and was hastening to meet him; but Mr. Lindsay caught her hand, and +said: "You have not yet given me permission to intrude on your +seclusion." She withdrew her hand instantly. + +"When you have nothing else to occupy you, and wish to while away an +hour in literary discussion, you will generally find me at home +during vacation." + +She walked on and joined Eugene in the hall. Antoinette stood in the +door, and they merely exchanged bows, while Mr. Graham grasped her +hand and earnestly thanked her for the many kindnesses she had +rendered to his family. Beulah looked at the composed, beautiful +face of the young wife, and then at the thin form of the husband, +and said hastily: + +"You owe me no thanks, sir; the claims of true friendship are +imperative. In removing to his own house I trust Eugene's +improvement may not be retarded." + +Antoinette tripped down the steps, and, gathering the flounces of +her costly dress, seated herself in the carriage. Mr. Graham bit his +lip, colored, and, after a cordial good-by, joined her. Eugene +smiled bitterly, and, turning to Beulah, took both her hands in his, +saying feelingly: + +"Beulah, I leave your house a wiser, if not less miserable man. I am +going to atone for the past; to prove to you that your faith in me +is not altogether unmerited. If I am saved from ruin and disgrace I +owe it to you; and to you I shall look for sympathy and +encouragement. To you, my best friend, I shall often come for +sisterly aid, when clouds gather black and stormy over my miserable +home. God bless you, Beulah! I have promised reformation, and will +keep my promise sacred if it cost me my life." + +He raised her hand to his lips, and, linking his arm in Mr. +Lindsay's, left the house and entered the carriage, while the latter +mounted his horse and rode slowly away. + +"You look weary, child. You must give yourself some rest now," said +Mrs. Williams, wiping her eyes with the corner of her apron. + +"Rest! Ah, yes; if I could find it," returned the girl, taking the +comb from the back of her head and shaking down the folds of hair +till it hung round her like a long mourning veil. + +"Suppose you try to sleep some," suggested the matron. + +"I have some work to do first," said she, drawing a long breath and +wiping the dust from her desk. + +Mrs. Williams withdrew; and, clasping her hands over her forehead, +Beulah stood looking up, with dim eyes, at the cloudless face that +smiled down on her, until she almost fancied the lips parted to +address her. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXV. + + +Mr. Lindsay's visits grew more frequent. At first Beulah wondered +what brought him so often from his distant home to the city, and +supposed it must be some legal business which engaged him; but +gradually a different solution dawned upon her mind. She rejected it +as the prompting of vanity, but again and again the supposition +recurred. The imperturbable gravity and repose of his manner often +disconcerted her. It was in vain that she resorted to sarcasm, and +irony; he was incorrigibly unruffled; in vain she was cold, +repellent, haughty; his quiet smile remained unaltered. His +superior, and thoroughly cultivated intellect, and the unaffected +simplicity of his manner, characterized by singular candor, rendered +him an unusually agreeable companion; but Beulah rebelled against +the unobtrusive yet constant care with which she fancied he watched +her. The seclusion of her life, and the reserve of her nature, +conspired to impart a degree of abruptness to her own manners; and +to one who understood her character less than Reginald Lindsay there +was an unhesitating sincerity of expression which might have been +termed rudeness. The frequency of his visits attracted the attention +of strangers; already the busy tongue of meddling gossip had +connected their names; Dr. Asbury, too, bantered her unmercifully +upon his nephew's constant pilgrimages to the city; and the result +was that Mr. Lindsay's receptions grew colder and less flattering +continually. From the first she had not encouraged his visits, and +now she positively discouraged them by every intimation which the +rules of etiquette justified her in offering. Yet she respected, +esteemed, and in many things admired him; and readily confessed to +her own heart that his society often gave her pleasure, + +One winter evening she sat alone by the dining-room fire, with a +newspaper in her hand, reading a notice of the last number of the +magazine, in which one of her sketches was roughly handled. Of +course she was no better pleased with the unflattering criticism +than the majority of writers in such cases. She frowned, bit her +lip, and wondered who could have written it. The review was +communicated, and the paper had been sent to her by some unknown +hand. Once more she read the article, and her brow cleared, while a +smile broke over her face. She had recognized a particular dictum, +and was no longer puzzled. Leaning her head on her palm, she sat +looking into the fire, ruminating on the objections urged against +her piece; it was the first time she had ever been unfavorably +criticised, and this was sufficient food for thought. + +Mr. Lindsay came in and stood near her unobserved. They had not met +for several weeks, and she was not aware that he was in the city. +Charon, who lay on the rug at her feet, growled, and she looked +round. + +"Good-evening," said her visitor, extending his hand. + +She did not accept it; but merely inclined her head, saying: + +"Ah, how do you do, sir?" + +He laid a package on the table, drew a chair near the hearth without +looking at her, and, calling to Charon, patted his huge head kindly. + +"What have you there, Miss Beulah? Merely a newspaper; it seems to +interest you intensely. May I see it?" + +"I am certainly very much obliged to you, sir, for the chivalrous +spirit in which you indited your criticism. I was just pondering it +when you entered." + +She smiled as she spoke, and shook the paper at him. + +"I thought I had feigned a style you would not recognize," he +answered quite unconcernedly. + +"You succeeded admirably, with the exception of one pet phrase, +which betrayed you. Next time, recollect that you are very partial +to some particular expressions, with which I happen to be +acquainted; and avoid their introduction." + +"I rather think I shall not repeat the experiment; especially as my +arguments seem to have failed signally in their design. Are you +quite sure that you understand my review perfectly?" + +He looked a little curious--she fancied disappointed--and she +replied laughingly: + +"Oh, I think I do; it is not so very abstruse." + +He leaned forward, took the paper from her, before she was aware of +his intention, and threw it into the fire. + +She looked surprised, and he offered his hand once more. + +"Are we still friends? Will you shake hands with your reviewer?" + +She unhesitatingly put her hand in his, and answered: + +"Friendship is not a gossamer thread, to be severed by a stroke of +the pen." + +She endeavored to withdraw her fingers, but he held them firmly, +while his blue eyes rested upon her with an expression she by no +means liked. Her black brows met in a heavy frown, and her lips +parted angrily. He saw it, and instantly released her hand. + +"Miss Beulah, my uncle commissioned me to say to you that he +received a letter to-day from Dr. Hartwell. It was written during +his voyage down the Red Sea, and contained a long farewell, as +inland travel would afford no facilities for writing." + +He noted the tight clasp in which her fingers locked each other, and +the livid paleness of her lips and brow, as the long lashes drooped +and she sat silently listening. Charon laid his head on her knee and +looked up at her. There was a brief silence, and Mr. Lindsay added +slowly: + +"My uncle fears he will never return. Do you cherish the hope?" + +"Yes; he will come back, if his life is spared. It may be many +years; but he will come, he will come." + +Their eyes met; there was a long, searching look from Mr. Lindsay; +she did not shrink from the scrutiny. An expression of keen sorrow +swept over his face, but he conquered his emotion, took the parcel +he had brought, and, unwrapping a book, said, in his usual quiet +tone: + +"When I saw you last you were regretting your inability to procure +Sir William Hamilton's 'Philosophy of the Conditioned,' and I have +taken the liberty of bringing you my own copy. Read it at your +leisure; I shall not need it again soon. I do not offer it as a +system which will satisfy your mind, by solving all your problems; +but I do most earnestly commend his 'Philosophy of the Conditioned,' +as the surest antidote to the abstractions in which your speculation +has involved you. The most erudite scholar of the age, and one of +the finest metaphysical minds the world has ever known, he expressly +sums up his vast philosophic researches with the humble confession: +'There are two sorts of ignorances; we philosophize to escape +ignorance, and the consummation of our philosophy is ignorance; we +start from the one, we repose in the other; they are the goals from +which, and to which, we tend; and the pursuit of knowledge is but a +course between two ignorances, as human life is itself only a +traveling from grave to grave. The highest reach of human science is +the scientific recognition of human ignorance.' Like you, Miss +Beulah, I set out to discover some system where no mysteries +existed; where I should only believe what I could clearly +comprehend. 'Yes,' said I proudly, 'I will believe nothing that I +cannot understand.' I wandered on until, like you, I stood in a wide +waste, strewn with the wreck of beliefs. My pride asserted that my +reason was the only and sufficient guide, and whither did it lead +me? Into vagaries more inexplicable than aught I fled from in +Revelation. It was easier to believe that, 'in the beginning, God +created the heaven and the earth,' than that the glorious universe +looked to chance as its sole architect, or that it was a huge +lumbering machine of matter, grinding out laws. I saw that I was the +victim of a miserable delusion in supposing my finite faculties +could successfully grapple with the mysteries of the universe. I +found that to receive the attempted solutions of philosophy required +more faith than Revelation, and my proud soul humbled itself and +rested in the Bible. My philosophic experience had taught me that if +mankind were to have any knowledge of their origin, their destiny, +their God, it must be revealed by that God, for man could never +discover aught for himself. There are mysteries in the Bible which I +cannot explain; but it bears incontrovertible marks of divine +origin, and as such I receive it. I can sooner believe the Mosaic +revelation than the doctrine which tells you that you are part of +God and capable of penetrating to absolute truth. To quote the +expressive language of an acute critic (whose well-known +latitudinarianism and disbelief in the verbal inspiration of +Scripture give peculiar weight to his opinion on this subject), +'when the advocates of this natural, spontaneous inspiration will +come forth from their recesses of thought and deliver prophecies as +clear as those of the Hebrew seer; when they shall mold the elements +of nature to their will; when they shall speak with the sublime +authority of Jesus of Nazareth; and with the same infinite ease, +rising beyond all the influence of time, place, and circumstances, +explain the past and unfold the future; when they die for the truth +they utter, and rise again as witnesses to its divinity; then we may +begin to place them on the elevation which they so thoughtlessly +claim. But until they either prove these facts to be delusions, or +give their parallel in themselves, the world may well laugh at their +ambition and trample their spurious inspiration beneath its feet.' +There is an infinite, eternal, and loving God; I am a finite +creature, unable to comprehend him, and knowing him only through his +own revelation. This very revelation is insufficient for our +aspiring souls, I grant; but it declares emphatically that here 'we +see through a glass darkly.' Better this than the starless night in +which you grope, without a promise of the dawn of eternity, where +all mystery shall be explained. Are you not weary of fruitless, +mocking speculation?" He looked at her anxiously. + +She raised her colorless face, and said drearily, as she passed her +hand over her forehead: + +"Weary? Ah, yes; weary as the lonely mariner, tempest-tossed on some +pathless ocean, without chart or compass. In my sky, even the star +of hope is shrouded. Weary? Yes; in body and mind." + +"Then humble your proud intellect; confess your ignorance and +inability, and rest in God and Christianity." + +She made an impatient gesture, and, turning away, he walked up and +down the floor. For some moments neither spoke. Finally he +approached her, and continued: + +"There is strange significance in the Mosaic record of the Fall. +Longing for the fruits of knowledge, whereby the mysteries of God +would be revealed, cost man Eden. The first pair ate, knowledge +mocked them, and only the curse remained. That primeval curse of +desiring to know all things descended to all posterity, and at this +instant you exemplify its existence. Ah! you must humble your +intellect if you would have it exalted; must be willing to be guided +along unknown paths by other light than that of reason if you would +be happy. Well might Sir William Hamilton exclaim: 'It is this +powerful tendency of the most vigorous minds to transcend the sphere +of our faculties, which makes a "learned ignorance" the most +difficult acquirement, perhaps indeed the consummation of +knowledge.'" + +He sighed as he uttered these words; she said nothing; and, putting +his hand gently upon hers, as they lay folded on the table beside +her, he added sadly: + +"I had hoped that I could aid you; but I see my efforts are useless; +you will not be guided nor influenced by others; are determined to +wander on in ever-deepening night, solitary and restless! God help +you, Beulah!" + +A shudder ran over her; but she made no reply. + +He took her cold hands in his. + +"And now we part. Since the evening I first saw you with your basket +of strawberries, I have cherished the hope that I might one day be +more than a friend. You have constantly shown me that I was nothing +more to you; I have seen it all along, but still I hoped; and, +notwithstanding your coldness, I shall continue to hope. My love is +too entirely yours to be readily effaced. I can wait patiently. +Beulah, you do not love me now; perhaps never can; but I shall at +least cling to the hope. I shall not come again; shall not weary you +with professions and attentions. I know your nature, and even had I +the power would not persuade you to give me your hand now. But time +may change your feelings; on this frail tenure I rest my hopes. +Meantime, should circumstances occur which demand the aid or counsel +of devoted friendship, may I ask you to feel no hesitancy in +claiming any assistance I can render? And, Beulah, at any instant, a +line, a word can recall me. The separation will be very painful to +me; but I cannot longer obtrude myself on your presence. If, as I +earnestly hope, the hour, however distant, should come when you +desire to see me, oh, Beulah, how gladly will I hasten to you--" + +"We can never be more than friends; never!" cried Beulah. + +"You think so now, and perhaps I am doomed to disappointment; but, +without your sanction, I shall hope it. Good-by." He pressed his +lips to her hand and walked away. + +Beulah heard the closing of the little gate, and then, for the first +time, his meaning flashed upon her mind. He believed she loved her +guardian; fancied that long absence would obliterate his image from +her heart, and that, finally, grown indifferent to one who might +never return, she would give her love to him whose constancy merited +it. Genuine delicacy of feeling prevented his expressing all this; +but she was conscious now that only this induced his unexpected +course toward herself. A burning flush suffused her face as she +exclaimed: + +"Oh, how unworthy I am of such love as his! how utterly +undeserving!" + +Soon after, opening the book he had brought at the place designated, +she drew the lamp near her and began its perusal. Hour after hour +glided away, and not until the last page was concluded did she lay +it aside. The work contained very little that was new; the same +trains of thought had passed through her mind more than once before; +but here they were far more clearly and forcibly expressed. + +She drew her chair to the window, threw up the sash, and looked out. +It was wintry midnight, and the sky blazed with its undying watch- +fires. This starry page was the first her childish intellect had +puzzled over. She had, from early years, gazed up into the +glittering temple of night, and asked: "Whence came yon silent +worlds, floating in solemn grandeur along the blue, waveless ocean +of space? Since the universe sprang phoenix-like from that dim +chaos, which may have been but the charnel-house of dead worlds, +those unfading lights have burned on, bright as when they sang +together at the creation. And I have stretched out my arms +helplessly to them, and prayed to hear just once their unceasing +chant of praise to the Lord of Glory. Will they shine on forever? or +are they indeed God's light-bearers, set to illumine the depths of +space and blaze a path along which the soul may travel to its God? +Will they one day flicker and go out?" To every thoughtful mind +these questions propound themselves, and Beulah especially had +essayed to answer them. Science had named the starry hosts, and +computed their movements with wonderful skill; but what could it +teach her of their origin and destiny? Absolutely nothing. And how +stood her investigations in the more occult departments of +psychology and ontology? An honest seeker of truth, what had these +years of inquiry and speculation accomplished? Let her answer as, +with face bowed on her palms, her eyes roved over the midnight sky. + +"Once I had some principles, some truths clearly defined; but now I +know nothing distinctly, believe nothing. The more I read and study +the more obscure seem the questions I am toiling to answer. Is this +increasing intricacy the reward of an earnestly inquiring mind? Is +this to be the end of all my glorious aspirations? Have I come to +this? 'Thus far, and no farther.' I have stumbled on these +boundaries many times, and now must I rest here? Oh, is this my +recompense? Can this be all? All!" Smothered sobs convulsed her +frame. + +She had long before rejected a "revealed code" as unnecessary; the +next step was to decipher nature's symbols, and thus grasp God's +hidden laws; but here the old trouble arose. How far was +"individualism" allowable and safe? To reconcile the theories of +rationalism, she felt, was indeed a herculean task, and she groped +on into deeper night. Now and then her horizon was bestarred, and, +in her delight, she shouted, "Eureka!" But when the telescope of her +infallible reason was brought to bear upon the coldly glittering +points, they flickered and went out. More than once a flaming comet, +of German manufacture, trailed in glory athwart her dazzled vision; +but close observation resolved the gilded nebula, and the nucleus +mocked her. Doubt engendered doubt; the death of one difficulty was +the instant birth of another. Wave after wave of skepticism surged +over her soul, until the image of a great personal God was swept +from its altar. But atheism never yet usurped the sovereignty of the +human mind; in all ages, moldering vestiges of protean deism +confront the giant specter, and every nation under heaven has reared +its fane to the "unknown God." Beulah had striven to enthrone in her +desecrated soul the huge, dim, shapeless phantom of pantheism, and +had turned eagerly to the system of Spinoza. The heroic grandeur of +the man's life and character had strangely fascinated her; but now, +that idol of a "substance, whose two infinite attributes were +extension and thought," mocked her; and she hurled it from its +pedestal, and looked back wistfully to the pure faith of her +childhood. A Godless world; a Godless woman. She took up the lamp +and retired to her own room. On all sides books greeted her; here +was the varied lore of dead centuries; here she had held communion +with the great souls entombed in these dusty pages. Here, wrestling +alone with those grim puzzles, she had read out the vexed and vexing +questions, in this debating club of the moldering dead, and +endeavored to make them solve them. These well-worn volumes, with +close "marginalias," echoed her inquiries, but answered them not to +her satisfaction. Was her life to be thus passed in feverish toil +and ended as by a leap out into a black, shoreless abyss? Like a +spent child she threw her arms on the mantelpiece and wept +uncontrollably, murmuring: + +"Oh, better die now than live as I have lived, in perpetual +stragglings! What is life worth without peace of mind, without hope; +and what hope have I? Diamonded webs of sophistry can no longer +entangle; like Noah's dove, my soul has fluttered among them, +striving in vain for a sure hold to perch upon; but, unlike it, I +have no ark to flee to. Weary and almost hopeless, I would fain +believe that this world is indeed as a deluge, and in it there is no +ark of refuge but the Bible. It is true, I did not see this souls' +ark constructed; I know nothing of the machinery employed; and no +more than Noah's dove can I explore and fully understand its secret +chambers; yet, all untutored, the exhausted bird sought safety in +the incomprehensible, and was saved. As to the mysteries of +revelation and inspiration, why, I meet mysteries, turn which way I +will. Man, earth, time, eternity, God, are all inscrutable mysteries +My own soul is a mystery unto itself, and so long as I am impotent +to fathom its depths, how shall I hope to unfold the secrets of the +universe?" + +She had rejected Christian theism, because she could not understand +how God had created the universe out of nothing. True, "with God, +all things are possible"; but she could not understand this creation +out of nothing, and therefore would not believe it. Yet (oh, +inconsistency of human reasoning!) she had believed that the +universe created laws; that matter gradually created mind. This was +the inevitable result of pantheism; for, according to geology, there +was a primeval period when neither vegetable nor animal life +existed; when the earth was a huge mass of inorganic matter. Of two +incomprehensibilities, which was the most plausible? To-night this +question recurred to her mind with irresistible force, and, as her +eyes wandered over the volumes she had so long consulted, she +exclaimed: + +"Oh, philosophy! thou hast mocked my hungry soul; thy gilded fruits +have crumbled to ashes in my grasp. In lieu of the holy faith of my +girlhood, thou hast given me but dim, doubtful conjecture, cold +metaphysical abstractions, intangible shadows, that flit along my +path, and lure me on to deeper morasses. Oh, what is the shadow of +death, in comparison with the starless night which has fallen upon +me, even in the morning of my life! My God, save me! Give me light! +Of myself I can know nothing!" + +Her proud intellect was humbled, and, falling on her knees, for the +first time in many months, a sobbing prayer went up to the throne of +the living God; while the vast clockwork of stars looked in on a +pale brow and lips, where heavy drops of moisture glistened. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVI. + + +Four years had passed since Eugene Graham returned to his home, +after his severe illness, and now, as he sits alone in his library, +with a bundle of legal documents before him, it is not difficult to +perceive that his promise has been held sacred. Through the +suggestion of Mr. Lindsay, and the persuasions of Beulah, he had +closely applied himself to the study of law immediately after his +recovery. Hopeless of happiness in his home, ambition became the +ruling passion, and scourged him on to unceasing exertion. The +aspirations of his boyhood revived; the memory of his humiliating +course goaded him to cover the past with the garlands of fame; and +consciousness of unusual talents assured him of final success. Mr. +Graham no longer opposed the design as formerly, but facilitated its +execution to the utmost of his ability. Under these circumstances, +it was not surprising that earnest application soon procured his +admission to the bar. His efforts were redoubled, and, ere long, his +eloquence obtained for him a connection with one of the most +prominent members of the profession. The world wondered at this +complete revolution; many doubted its continuance; but, step by +step, he climbed the ladder to eminence, and merited the applause +which the public lavished upon him. Success only inflamed his +ambition, and it became evident he aimed at political renown. Nature +had fitted him for the political arena, had endowed him with +oratorical powers of no ordinary stamp; and, though long dormant, +they were not impaired by his inertia. It was fortunate for him that +an exciting Presidential canvass afforded numerous opportunities for +the development of these, and at its close he found himself +possessed of an enviable reputation. To a certain extent, his wife +was elated with his success; she was proud of his acknowledged +talent; but her selfish nature was utterly incapable of the +tenderness and sincere affection he demanded. Their alienation was +complete. No bickerings disturbed the serene atmosphere of their +home, because mutual indifference precluded the necessity. Mrs. +Graham gave parties and attended them; rode, danced, spent her +summers at fashionable watering-places and her winters in a round of +folly and dissipation, while her husband pursued his profession, +careless of her movements and rarely in her company. In the lady's +conduct the circle in which she moved saw nothing reprehensible. She +dressed superbly, gave elegant entertainments, and was, par +excellence, the leader of bon-ton. True, she was quite as much of a +belle as any young lady in the city, and received the attentions and +flattery of gentlemen as unreservedly, nay, delightedly, as though +she had no neglected husband and child at home who had claims upon +her; put this sort of conjugal indifference was in vogue, and, as +she frowned down, or smiled up, some family laboriously toiling to +reach her circle, her "clique" blindly followed her example and +humored her whims. As regarded her deportment toward her husband, +one alteration was perceptible; she respected--almost feared him; +shrank from his presence, and generally contrived to fill the house +with company when she was, for short intervals, at home. He ceased +to upbraid, or even remonstrate; his days were spent in the +courtroom or his office, and his evenings in his library. She +dressed as extravagantly as she chose; he made no comments, paid her +accounts, and grew more taciturn and abstracted day by day. + +Oh, woman! woman! when will you sever the fetters which fashion, +wealth, and worldliness have bound about you, and prove yourselves +worthy the noble mission for which you were created? How much longer +will heartless, soulless wives, mothers, daughters, and sisters +waltz, moth-like, round the consuming flame of fashion; and, by +neglecting their duties and deserting their sphere, drive their +husbands, sons, and brothers out into the world, reckless and +depraved, with callous hearts, irrevocably laid on the altars of +Mammon? God help the women of America! Grant them the true womanly +instincts which, in the dawn of our republic, made "home" the Eden, +the acme of all human hopes and joys. Teach them that gilded +saloons, with their accompanying allurements of French latitude in +dress and dancing, and the sans-souci manners and style of +conversation (which, in less degenerate times, would have branded +with disgrace and infamy all who indulged it), teach them that all +these tend to the depths of social evil; and oh, lead them back to +the hearthstone, that holy post which too many, alas, have deserted! +Eugene Graham's love and tenderness were all bestowed on his +daughter, a beautiful child, not yet five years old; the sole +companion of the hours spent at home, she became his idol. + +It was one sunny afternoon that he finished copying some papers, +necessary in a case to be defended the following day. The sunshine, +stealing through the shutters, fell on his lofty brow, pale from +continued study; his whole countenance bespoke a nature saddened, +vexed, but resolute, and, leaning forward, he touched the bell-rope. +As he did so, there came quick footsteps pattering along the hall; +the door was pushed open, and a little fairy form, with a head of +rich auburn ringlets, peeped in cautiously, while a sweet, childish +voice asked eagerly: + +"May I come now, father? Have you done writing? I won't make a +noise; indeed I won't!" + +The gloom fled from his face, and he held out his arms to her, +saying: + +"I have done writing; you may come now, my darling." + +She sprang into his lap and threw her little, snowy arms about his +neck, kissing him rapturously, and passing her fragile fingers +through his hair. She resembled him closely, having the same +classical contour and large, soft, dark eyes. He returned her +caresses with an expression of almost adoring fondness, stroking her +curls with a light, gentle touch. The evening was warm, and large +drops stood on his forehead. She noticed it, and, standing on his +knee, took the corner of her tiny embroidered apron and wiped away +the moisture, kissing the forehead as she did so. A servant looked +in at the door. + +"Did you ring, sir?" + +"Yes; tell Philip I want my buggy." + +"Oh, you are going to ride! Can I go? and will we go to see Aunt +Beulah--will we?" She looked at him earnestly. + +"Would you like to go there, Cornelia?" + +"Oh, yes! I always like to go there. I love her, she is so good! +Let's go to see her, won't you?" + +"Yes; you shall go with me, my darling." + +He bent down to kiss her coral lips, and just then Mrs. Graham swept +into the room. She was attired in an elegant riding habit of dark +purple, while a velvet hat of the same color, with a long, drooping +plume, shaded her face. Her hands were incased in delicate kid +gauntlets, which fitted with perfect exactness. She was a beautiful +woman, and the costume heightened her loveliness. She started +slightly on perceiving her husband, and said hastily: + +"I thought you were at your office. Cornelia, what on earth have you +done with my riding whip? you mischievous little wretch! You lost it +once before. Go find it; I am waiting for it. Go this instant!" + +"I don't know where it is," returned the child, making no effort to +leave her father's arms. + +Eugene glanced up at his wife; his eyes wandered over her becoming +and beautiful dress, then went back to the sunny face of his child. + +An angry flush dyed Antoinette's cheeks as she observed her +daughter's indifference. + +"Where is my whip? I say. Flora saw you with it yesterday, whipping +that hobby-horse. I told you to keep your hands off of it, didn't I? +If you don't go and find it quick, I'll box you soundly, you +meddlesome little brat!" + +"I haven't had it since you told me I shouldn't play with it. Flora +tells a story," answered Cornelia, sobbing. + +"You did have it!" cried the angry mother, shaking her hand +threateningly. + +"Did you see her with it?" asked Eugene, rising, with the child in +his arms. + +"I know she had it!" + +"Did you see her with it, I asked you?" + +"No; but Flora did, and that is all the same; besides, I--" + +"Here is the whip, ma'am. I found it last week in the hall, behind a +chair, and put it in the cane stand. The last time you went to ride, +you put it and your gloves on a chair in the hall, and went into the +parlor to see some company. Flora picked up the gloves and carried +them upstairs, but didn't see the whip." + +John, the dining-room servant, handed her a small whip, with mother- +of-pearl handle, inlaid with gold. + +"It is no such thing!" cried Mrs. Graham, gathering up the folds of +her habit and coloring with vexation. + +John shrugged his shoulders and retired, and his mistress sailed out +to the front door, where her horse and her escort awaited her. + +"Run and get your hat and cape, Cornelia; I see the buggy coming +round the corner." + +Eugene wiped away the teardrops glittering on her rosy cheeks, and +she sprang off to obey him; while, in the interim, he sent for +Flora, and gave her to understand that he would allow no repetition +of the deception he had accidentally discovered. The maid retired, +highly incensed, of course, and resolved to wreak vengeance on both +John and Cornelia; and Eugene took his seat in the buggy in no +particularly amiable mood. They found Beulah in her little flower +gaiden, pruning some luxuriant geraniums. She threw down her knife +and hastened to meet them, and all three sat down on the steps. + +Four years had brought sorrow to that cottage home; had hushed the +kind accents of the matron; stilled the true heart that throbbed so +tenderly for her orphan charge, and had seen her laid to rest in a +warm, grassy slope of the cemetery. She died peaceably three months +before the day of which I write; died exhorting Eugene and Beulah so +to pass the season of probation that they might be reunited beyond +the grave. In life she had humbly exemplified the teachings of our +Saviour, and her death was a triumphant attestation of the joy and +hope which only the Christian religion can afford in the final hour. + +To Beulah this blow was peculiarly severe, and never had the sense +of her orphanage been more painfully acute than when she returned +from the funeral to her lonely home. But to sorrow her nature was +inured; she had learned to bear grief, and only her mourning dress +and subdued manner told how deeply she felt this trial. Now she took +Cornelia in her arms and kissed her fondly, while the child returned +her caresses with a warmth which proved how sincerely she loved her. + +"May I have some flowers, auntie?" cried she, patting Beulah's pale +cheek with her plump, dimpled hands. + +"Yes; just as many as you can carry home. Go gather some." + +She sprang off, and the two sat watching the flutter of her white +dress among the flower-beds. She piled her little apron as full as +possible, and came back panting and delighted. Beulah looked down at +the beautiful beaming face, and, twining one of the silky curls over +her finger, said musingly: + +"Eugene, she always reminds me of Lilly. Do you see the +resemblance?" + +"Not in her features; in size and gay heedlessness of manner she is +like Lilly as I saw her last." + +"Yes; Lilly's eyes were blue, and your child's are dark, like your +own; but she never comes up and puts her arms round my neck without +recalling bygone years. I could shut my eyes and fancy my lost +darling was once more mine. Ah! how carefully memory gathers up the +golden links of childhood and weaves the chain that binds our hearts +to the olden time! Sometimes I think I am only dreaming, and shall +wake to a happy reality. If I could have Lilly back, oh, what a +sunshine it would shed over my heart and life! But this may not be; +and I can only love Cornelia instead." + +Her long, black lashes were weighed down with unshed tears, and +there was a touching sadness in her low voice. Cornelia stood by her +side, busily engaged in dressing Beulah's hair with some of the +roses and scarlet geranium she had gathered. She noticed the unusual +melancholy written in the quiet face, and said impatiently: + +"With all my flowers you won't look gay! It must be this black +dress. Don't wear such ugly, dark things; I wish you wouldn't. I +want to see you look beautiful, like mother." + +"Cornelia, go and break that cluster of yellow berries yonder," said +her father; and when she had left them he turned to his companion +and asked: + +"Beulah, have you reflected on what I said the last time I saw you?" + +"Yes, Eugene." + +"With what result?" + +"My former decision is only confirmed the more I ponder the +subject." + +"You have seen nothing of Reginald, then? He was here, on some legal +business, last week." + +"No; he has been in the city several times during the last four +years, but never comes here; and, except that one letter, which I +did not answer, I have heard nothing from him. I doubt whether we +ever meet again." + +"You are a strange woman! Such devotion as his would have won any +other being. He is as much attached to you now as the day he first +offered you his hand. Upon my word, your obstinacy provokes me. He +is the noblest man I ever knew--everything that I should suppose a +woman of your nature would admire; and yet, year after year, you +remain apparently as indifferent as ever." + +"And it were a miserable return for such unmerited love to marry him +merely from gratitude. I do admire him, but cannot marry him. I told +him so four years ago." + +"But why did you not at least answer his letter?" + +"Because his acceptance was made the condition of an answer; a +negative one was not expected, and I had no other to give." + +"Pardon me, Beulah; but why do you not love him?" + +"A strange question truly. My heart is not the tool of my will." + +"Beulah, do you intend to spend your life solitary and joyless, cut +off, as you are here, from society, and dependent on books and music +for sympathy? Why will you not marry Reginald and make his home +happy?" + +"Eugene, I have told you before that I could not accept him, and +told you why. Let the subject drop; it is an unpleasant one to me. I +am happier here than I could possibly be anywhere else. Think you I +would marry merely for an elegant home and an intellectual +companion? Never! I will live and die here in this little cottage +rather than quit it with such motives. You are mistaken in supposing +that Mr. Lindsay is still attached to me. It has been nearly two +years since he wrote that letter, and from Georgia I hear that the +world believes he is soon to marry a lady residing somewhere near +him. I think it more than probable the report is true, and hope most +sincerely it may be so. Now, Eugene, don't mention the subject +again, will you?" + +"It is generally believed that he will be elected to Congress; next +month will decide it. The chances are all in his favor," persisted +Eugene. + +"Yes; so I judged from the papers," said she coolly, and then added: +"And one day I hope to see you, or rather hear of you, in Washington +by his side. I believe I shall be gratified; and oh, Eugene, what a +proud moment it will be to me! How I shall rejoice in your merited +eminence." + +Her face kindled as she spoke; but the shadows deepened in his +countenance, as he answered moodily: + +"Perhaps I may; but fame and position cannot lighten a loaded heart +or kindle the sacred flame of love in a dreary home. When a man +blindly wrecks his happiness on the threshold of life by a fatal +marriage, no after exertion can atone or rectify the one mistake." + +"Hush! she will hear you," said Beulah, pointing to the little girl, +who was slowly approaching them. + +A bitter smile parted his lips. + +"She is my all; yet precious as she is to my sad heart, I would +gladly lay her in her grave to-morrow sooner than see her live to +marry an uncongenial spirit, or know that her radiant face was +clouded with sorrow, like mine. God grant that her father's wretched +lot may warn her of the quicksands which nearly ingulfed him." He +took the child in his arms, as if to shield her from some impending +danger, and said hurriedly: + +"Are you ready to go home?" + +"Is it so very late?" + +"It is time we were going back, I think." + +Beulah tied on the hat and cape, which had been thrown aside, and +saw them ride away. + +There, in the golden twilight, she mused on the changes time bore on +its swift chariot. The gorgeous dreamings of her girlhood had faded +like the summer clouds above her to the somber hue of reality. From +the hour when her father (a poor artist, toiling over canvas to feed +his children) had, in dying accents, committed the two to God's +care, she only remembered sorrow up to the time that Dr. Hartwell +took her to his home. Her life there was the one bright oasis in her +desert past. Then she left it a woman, and began the long struggle +with poverty and trials over again. In addition, skepticism threw +its icy shadow over her. She had toiled in the cavernous mines of +metaphysics hopelessly; and finally, returning to the holy religion +of Jesus Christ, her weary spirit found rest. Ah, that rest which +only the exhausted wanderer through the burning wastes of +speculation can truly comprehend and appreciate. She had been +ambitious, and labored to obtain distinction as a writer; and this, +under various fictitious signatures, was hers. She still studied and +wrote, but with another aim, now, than mere desire of literary fame; +wrote to warn others of the snares in which she had so long been +entangled, and to point young seekers after truth to the only sure +fountain. She was very lonely, but not unhappy. Georgia and Helen +were both happily married, and she saw them very rarely; but their +parents were still her counselors and friends. At Mrs. Williams' +death they had urged her to remove to their house; but she preferred +remaining at the little cottage, at least until the expiration of +the year. She still kept her place in the schoolroom; not now as +assistant, but as principal in that department; and the increased +salary rendered rigid economy and music lessons no longer necessary. +Her intense love of beauty, whether found in nature or art, was a +constant source of pleasure; books, music, painting, flowers, all +contributed largely to her happiness. The grim puzzles of philosophy +no longer perplexed her mind; sometimes they thrust themselves +before her, threatening as the sphinx of old; but she knew that here +they were insolvable; that at least her reason was no Oedipus, and a +genuine philosophy induced her to put them aside, and, anchoring +her hopes of God and eternity in the religion of Christ, she drew +from the beautiful world in which she lived much pure enjoyment. +Once she had worshiped the universe; now she looked beyond the +wonderful temple whose architecture, from its lowest foundations of +rock to its starry dome of sky, proclaimed the God of revelation; +and, loving its beauty and grandeur, felt that it was but a home for +a season, where the soul could be fitted for yet more perfect +dwelling-places. Her face reflected the change which a calm reliance +on God had wrought in her feelings. The restless, anxious expression +had given place to quiet. The eyes had lost their strained, troubled +look; the brow was unruffled, the face serene. Serene, reader, but +not happy and sparkling as it might have been. All the shadows "were +not yet banished from her heart; there was one spectral form which +thrust itself continually before her and kept her cheek pale and +rendered her lip at times unsteady. She had struggled bravely +against this one remaining sorrow; but, as time rolled on, its power +and influence only increased. Even now, in this quiet hour, when a +holy hush had fallen on all nature, and twilight wrapped its soft, +purple veil around her, this haunting memory came to stir the depths +of her heart. Charon walked slowly up the steps, and, lying down at +her feet, nestled his head against her. Then fancy painted a dreary +picture, which + + "Seemed all dark and red--a tract of sand, + And someone pacing there alone, + Who paced forever in a glimmering land, + Lit with a low, large moon." + +It was the thought of a lonely man, wandering without aim or goal in +far-distant deserts; away from home and friends; joyless, hopeless. +One who was dearer to her than all on earth beside; who had left her +in anger, and upon whose loved face she might look no more. For +three years no tidings had come of his wanderings; none knew his +fate; and, perhaps, even then his proud head lay low beneath the +palms of the Orient, or was pillowed on the coral crags of distant +seas. This thought was one she was unable to endure; her features +quivered, her hands grasped each other in a paroxysm of dread +apprehension, and, while a deep groan burst from her lips, she bowed +her face on. the head of his last charge, his parting gift. The +consciousness of his unbelief tortured her. Even in eternity they +might meet no more; and this fear cost her hours of agony, such as +no other trial had ever inflicted. From the moment of her return to +the Bible and to prayer this struggle began, and for three years she +had knelt, morning and evening, and entreated Almighty God to shield +and guide the wanderer; to scatter the mists of unbelief which +shrouded his mind. Constantly her prayers went up, mingled with +tears and sobs, and, as weary months wore on, the petitions grew +more impassioned. Her anxiety increased daily, and finally it became +the one intense, absorbing wish of her heart to see her guardian +again. His gloom, his bitterness were all forgotten; she only +remembered his unceasing care and kindness, his noble generosity, +his brilliant smile, which was bestowed only on her. Pressing her +face against Charon's head, she murmured pleadingly: + +"Oh, Father, protect him from suffering and death! Guide him safely +home. Give me my guardian back. Oh, Father, give me my wandering +friend once more!" + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVII. + + +"Fold that coat for me, my dear; there, give it to me; I believe +there is room in this trunk for it." + +Mrs. Asbury took one of her husband's coats from Beulah's hand and +carefully packed it away. + +"How long will you be absent, do you suppose?" + +"Probably not longer than a month. The doctor thinks a few days at +Saratoga will invigorate him. If you had consented to go, we had +intended spending a week at Niagara. I am sorry you will not go, +Beulah; you would enjoy the trip, and, moreover, the change would +benefit you. Why do you so pertinaciously reject that legacy of +Cornelia's? The money has been in my husband's hands for some years +untouched, and Mr. Graham said, not long since, that you might just +as well accept it, for he would never receive a cent of it in +return. The original sum has been considerably augmented by +judicious investments, and would place you above the necessity of +labor, if you would accept it. Your refusal wounds Mr. Graham; he +told me so last week. It was Cornelia's particular request that you +should have that amount, and he is anxious to see you in possession +of it. I told him of your suggestion that he should add this legacy +to the sum already given to the asylum; but he vowed solemnly he +would have nothing to do with it. If you chose to give it to the +asylum, you could do so, of course; the money was yours. He never +would touch a cent of it. Beulah, if you will not think me +officious, I will say, candidly, that I think you ought to accept +it. That is, use it, for the legacy has been left, whether you +employ it or not." + +Beulah looked grave and troubled, but made no reply. + +Mrs. Asbury finished packing the trunk, locked it, and, turning +toward the door, said: + +"I am going upstairs to see about the furniture in that room which +Georgia calls the 'Pitti Gallery.' Come with me, my dear." + +She led the way, and Beulah followed, until they reached a large +apartment in the third story, the door of which Mrs. Asbury +unlocked. As they entered Beulah started on seeing the statuary and +paintings with which she was so familiar in former years; and in one +corner of the room stood the melodeon, carefully covered. A quantity +of tissue paper lay on the floor, and Mrs. Asbury began to cover the +paintings by pinning the sheets together. Beulah took off her gloves +and assisted; there was silence for some time; but, on lifting a +piece of drapery, Mrs. Asbury exposed the face of a portrait which +Beulah recognized, from the peculiarity of the frame, as the one +that had hung over the mantel in her guardian's study. Paper and +pins fell from her fingers, and, drawing a deep breath, she gazed +upon the face she had so long desired to see. She traced a slight +resemblance to Antoinette in the faultless features; the countenance +was surpassingly beautiful. It was a young, girlish face, sparkling +with joyousness, bewitching in its wonderful loveliness. The +eloquent eyes were strangely, almost wildly, brilliant, the full +crimson lips possessed that rare outline one sees in old pictures, +and the cheek, tinted like a sea-shell, rested on one delicate, +dimpled hand. Beulah looked, and grew dizzy. This was his wife; this +the portrait he had kept shrouded so long and so carefully. How he +must have worshiped that radiant young bride! + +Mrs. Asbury noticed her emotion, and asked, with some surprise: + +"Did you never see this before?" + +"No; it was always covered, and hung too high for me to lift the +crape." Beulah's eyes were riveted on the canvas. Mrs. Asbury +watched her a moment, and said: + +"It is an undetermined question in my mind whether beauty, such as +this, is not a curse. In this instance assuredly it proved so, for +it wrecked the happiness of both husband and wife. My dear child, do +you know your guardian's history?" + +"I know nothing of him, save that he is my best friend." + +"When I first saw Guy Hartwell he was one of the noblest men I ever +met, commanding universal admiration and esteem. It was before his +marriage. He was remarkably handsome, as you can readily imagine he +must have been, and his manners possessed a singular fascination for +all who came within the circle of his acquaintance. Even now, after +the lapse of ten years, I remember his musical, ringing laugh; a +laugh I have never heard since. His family were aristocratic and +wealthy, and Guy was his mother's idol. She was a haughty, imperious +woman, and her 'boy,' as she fondly termed him, was her pride. His +only sister (Mrs. Chilton, or, rather, Mrs. Lockhart) was his +senior, and he had a younger brother, Harry, who was extremely wild; +ran away from home and spent most of his time at sea. Guy was +naturally of a happy, genial temperament; fond of study; fond of +art, flowers, poetry, everything that was noble and beautiful, that +could minister to highly cultivated tastes. Mr. Chilton was +unfortunate in his speculations; lost his fortune, and died soon +after Pauline's birth, leaving his wife and child dependent on her +mother and brother. May and the old lady often disagreed, and only +Guy could harmonize their discords. During a visit to New Orleans he +accidentally met the original of this portrait; her family were +almost destitute, but he aided them very liberally. She was very +beautiful, and, in an unlucky hour, he determined to marry her. She +was a mere child, and he placed her for a while at a school, where +she enjoyed every educational advantage. He was completely +fascinated; seemed to think only of Creola, and hastened the +marriage. His mother and sister bitterly opposed the match, +ridiculed his humble and portionless bride; but he persisted, and +brought her here, a beautiful, heedless girl. Guy built that house, +and his mother and sister occupied one near him, which was burnt +before you knew anything about them. Of course his wife went +constantly into society, and, before six months elapsed, poor Guy +discovered that he had made a fatal mistake. She did not love him; +had married him merely for the sake of an elegant home, and money to +lavish as her childish whims dictated. Ah, Beulah! it makes my heart +ache to think of the change this discovery wrought in Guy's nature. +He was a proud man, naturally; but now he became repulsive, cold, +and austere. The revolution in his deportment and appearance was +almost incredible. His wife was recklessly imprudent, and launched +into the wildest excesses which society sanctioned. When he +endeavored to restrain her, she rebelled, and, without his +knowledge, carried on a flirtation with one whom she had known +previous to her marriage. I believe she was innocent in her folly, +and merely thoughtlessly fed her vanity with the adulation excited +by her beauty. Poor child! she might have learned discretion, but, +unfortunately, Mrs. Chilton had always detested her, and now, +watching her movements, she discovered Creola's clandestine meetings +with the gentleman whom her husband had forbidden her to recognize +as an acquaintance. Instead of exerting herself to rectify the +difficulties in her brother's home, she apparently exulted in the +possession of facts which allowed her to taunt him with his wife's +imprudence and indifference. He denied the truth of her assertions; +she dared him to watch her conduct, and obtained a note which +enabled him to return home one day at an unusually early hour and +meet the man he had denounced in his own parlor. Guy ordered him out +of the house, and, without addressing his wife, rode back to see his +patients; but that night he learned from her that before he ever met +her an engagement existed between herself and the man he so +detested. He was poor, and her mother had persuaded her to marry Guy +for his fortune. She seemed to grow frantic, cursed the hour of her +marriage, professed sincere attachment to the other, and, I firmly +believe, became insane from that moment. Then and there they parted. +Creola returned to her mother, but died suddenly a few weeks after +leaving her husband. They had been married but a year. I have always +thought her mind diseased, and it was rumored that her mother died +insane. Doubtless Guy's terrible rage drove her to desperation; +though he certainly had cause to upbraid. I have often feared that +he would meet the object of his hatred, and once, and only once +afterward, that man came to the city. Why, I never knew; but my +husband told me that he saw him at a concert here some years ago. +Poor Guy! how he suffered; yet how silently he bore it; how +completely he sheathed his heart of fire in icy vestments. He never +alluded to the affair in the remotest manner; never saw her after +that night. He was sitting in our library, waiting to see my +husband, when he happened to open the letter announcing her death. I +was the only person present, and noticed that a change passed over +his countenance; I spoke to him, but he did not reply; I touched +him, but he took no notice whatever, and sat for at least an hour +without moving a muscle or uttering a word. Finally George came and +spoke to him appealingly. He looked up and smiled. Oh, what a smile! +May I never see such another; it will haunt me while I live! Without +a word he folded the letter, replaced it in the envelope, and left +us. Soon after his mother died, and he went immediately to Europe. +He was absent two years, and came back so stern, so cynical, so +unlike his former self, I scarcely knew him. Mrs. Chilton took +charge of his house from the hour of his separation from Creola; but +they were not congenial. He was vastly her superior, save in +intellect, which none of the Hartwell family ever lacked. My husband +is very much attached to Guy; thinks he has not an equal, yet mourns +over the blight which fell upon him in the very morn of his glorious +manhood. About a year after his return from Europe he took you to +his house as an adopted child. I wondered at it, for I knew how +imbittered his whole soul had become. But the heart must have an +idol; he was desolate and miserable, and took you home to have +something to love and interest him. You never knew him in the prime +of his being, for, though comparatively young in years, he had grown +prematurely old in feeling before you saw him. Poor Guy! may a +merciful and loving God preserve him wherever he may be, and bring +him to a knowledge of that religion which alone can comfort a nature +like his--so noble, so gifted, yet so injured, so imbittered." + +She brushed away the tears that stood on her cheeks, and looked +sorrowfully at the portrait of the unfortunate young wife. + +Beulah sat with her face partially averted, and her eyes shaded with +her hand; once or twice her lips moved, and a shiver ran over her. +She looked up, and said abruptly: + +"Leave the key of this room with me, will you? I should like to come +here occasionally." + +"Certainly; come as often as you choose; and here on this bunch is +the key of the melodeon. Take it also; the instrument needs dusting, +I dare say, for it has never been opened since Guy left, nearly five +years ago. There, the clock struck two, and the boat leaves at four; +there, too, is my husband's step. Come, my dear; we must go down. +Take these keys until I return." + +She gave them to her, and they descended to the dining room, where +the doctor awaited them. + +"Beulah, what are you going to do with yourself next year? You must +not think of living in that cottage alone. Since Mrs. Williams' +death you should abandon the thought of keeping house. It will not +do, child, for you to live there by yourself." So said the doctor a +short time before he bade her adieu. + +"I don't know yet what I shall do. I am puzzled about a home." + +"You need not be. Come and live in my house, as I begged you to do +long ago. Alice and I will be heartily glad to have you. Child, why +should you hesitate?" + +"I prefer a home of my own, if circumstances permitted it. You and +Mrs. Asbury have been very kind in tendering me a home in your +house, and I do most sincerely thank you both for your friendly +interest; but I--" + +"Oh, Beulah, I should be so very glad to have you always with me! My +dear child, come." + +Mrs. Asbury passed her arm affectionately around the girl's waist. +Beulah looked at her with trembling lips, and said hastily: + +"Will you take me as a boarder?" + +"I would rather take you as a friend--as a daughter." + +"Not a bit of it, Alice. She shall pay the highest possible board. +Don't imagine, Miss Independence, that I expected for a moment to +offer you a home gratis. Pay board? That you shall; always in +advance, and candles, and fires, and the use of my library, and the +benefit of my explanations and conversation charged as 'extras,'" +cried the doctor, shaking his fist at her. + +"Then, sir, I engage rooms." + +"Will you really come, my child?" asked Mrs. Asbury, kissing the +orphan's pale cheek tenderly. + +"Gladly, as a boarder, and very grateful for such a privilege." + +"Beulah, on reflection, I think I can possibly take Charon for half- +price; though I must confess to numerous qualms of conscience at the +bare suggestion of receiving such an 'infernal' character into my +household." + +"Thank you," said she, and saw them depart for Saratoga, whither +Georgia and Helen had preceded them. Several weeks elapsed without +her receiving any tidings, and then a letter came giving her +information of a severe illness which had attacked the doctor, +immediately after his arrival in New York. He was convalescing +rapidly when his wife wrote, and, in proof thereof, subjoined a +postscript, in his scrawling hand and wonted bantering style. Beulah +laughed over it, refolded the letter, and went into her little +garden to gather a bouquet for one of her pupils who had recently +been quite sick. She wore a white muslin apron over her black dress, +and soon filled it with verbena, roses, and geranium sprigs. Sitting +down on the steps, she began to arrange them, and soon became +absorbed in her occupation. Presently a shadow fell on the step; she +glanced up, and the flowers dropped from her fingers, while an +exclamation of surprise escaped her. + +Mr. Lindsay held out his hand. + +"After four years of absence, of separation, have you no word of +welcome?" + +She gave him both hands, and said eagerly: + +"Oh, yes; I am very glad to see you again; very glad that I have an +opportunity of congratulating you on your signal success. I am +heartily glad my friend is soon to enter Congressional halls. Accept +my most sincere congratulations on your election." + +A sudden flush rose to his temples, and, clasping her hands tightly, +he exclaimed passionately: + +"Oh, Beulah, your congratulations mock me. I come to offer you, once +more, my hand, my heart, my honors, if I have any. I have waited +patiently; no, not patiently, but still I have waited, for some +token of remembrance from you, and could bear my suspense no longer. +Will you share the position which has been accorded me recently? +Will you give me this hand which I desire more intensely than the +united honors of the universe beside? Beulah, has my devoted love +won me your affection? Will you go with me to Washington?" + +"I cannot; I cannot!" + +"Cannot? Oh, Beulah, I would make you a happy wife, if it cost me my +life!" + +"No. I could not be happy as your wife. It is utterly impossible. +Mr. Lindsay, I told you long ago you could never be more than a +friend." + +"And have years wrought no change in your heart?" + +"Years have strengthened my esteem, my sincere friendship; but more +than this all time cannot accomplish." + +"Your heart is tenacious of its idol," he answered moodily. + +"It rebels, sir, now, as formerly, at the thought of linking my +destiny with that of one whom I never loved." Beulah spoke rapidly, +her cheeks burned and her eyes sparkled with displeasure. + +He looked at her and sighed deeply; then threw down a letter, +saying: + +"Ah, Beulah, I understood long ago why you could not love me; but I +hoped years of absence would obliterate the memory that prevented my +winning you. I made unusual exertions to discover some trace of your +wandering guardian; have written constantly to my former banker in +Paris, to find some clew to his whereabouts. Through him I learn +that your friend was last heard of at Canton, and the supposition is +that he is no longer living. I do not wish to pain you, Beulah; but +I would fain show you how frail a hope you cling to. Believe me, +dear Beulah, I am not so selfish as to rejoice at his prolonged +absence. No, no. Love such as mine prizes the happiness of its +object above all other things. Were it in my power I would restore +him to you this moment. I had hoped you would learn to love me; but +I erred in judging your nature. Henceforth I will cast off this +hope, and school myself to regard you as my friend only. I have, at +least, deserved your friendship." + +"And it is inalienably yours!" cried she very earnestly. + +"In future, when toiling to discharge my duties, I may believe I +have one sincere friend, who will rejoice at my success?" + +"Of this you may well rest assured. It seems a poor return, Mr. +Lindsay, for all you have tendered me; but it is the most I can +give, the most an honest heart will allow me to offer. Truly, you +may always claim my friendship and esteem, if it has any worth." + +"I prize it far more than your hand unaccompanied by your heart. +Henceforth we will speak of the past no more; only let me be the +friend an orphan may require. You are to live in my uncle's house, I +believe; I am very glad you have decided to do so; this is not a +proper home for you now. How do you contrive to exorcise +loneliness?" + +"I do not always succeed very well. My flowers are a great resource; +I don't know how I should live without them. My books, too, serve to +occupy my attention." She was making a great effort to seem +cheerful, but he saw that her smile was forced; and, with an +assurance that he would see her again before he went to Washington, +he shook hands cordially, and left her. She tied her bouquet, and +dispatched it to the sick child, with a few lines of kind +remembrance; then took the letter which Mr. Lindsay had thrown on +the steps, and opened it with trembling fingers. + +"MR. R. LINDSAY + +"Dear Sir: Yours of the 3d came to hand yesterday. As I wrote you +before, I accidentally learned that Dr. Hartwell had been in Canton; +but since that have heard nothing from him, and have been unable to +trace him further. Letters from Calcutta state that he left that +city, more than a year since, for China. Should I obtain any news of +him, rest assured it shall be immediately transmitted to you. + +"Very respectfully, + +"R. A. FIELDS." + +She crumpled the sheet, and threw it from her; and if ever earnest, +heartspoken prayer availed, her sobbing cry to the God of travelers +insured his safety. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVIII. + + +One day there came a letter postmarked from an inland town where +Beulah had no correspondent. The direction, however, was instantly +recognized, and she broke the seal hurriedly. + +"What has become of you, Beulah? and what can have become of my two +letters which were never answered? Concluding you never received +them, I hazard a third attempt to reach you through the medium of +letters. You will readily perceive that we have removed to a distant +section of the State. Ernest was called to take charge of this +parish, and we are delightfully located here, within a few minutes' +walk of the church. Beulah, the storm which darkened over me, in the +first year of my marriage, has swept by, and it is all sunshine, +glorious sunshine, with me. You know my home was very unhappy for a +time. My husband's family caused misunderstandings between us, +influenced him against me, and made me very, very wretched. I could +not tolerate Lucy's presence with any degree of patience, yet she +would remain in our house. How it would have ended only Heaven +knows, had not my husband been suddenly taken very ill. + +"It was on Sabbath morning. He was displeased with me because of +some of my disputes with his sister, and scarcely spoke to me before +he went into the pulpit. Lucy and I sat together in the rector's +pew, hating each other cordially; and when Ernest began the morning +service I noticed he looked pale and weary. Before it was concluded +he sank back exhausted, and was borne into the vestry room, covered +with blood. He had a severe hemorrhage from the throat, his +physician said, but Ernest thinks it was from his lungs. I was sure +he would die; and oh, Beulah, what agony I endured, as I sat beside +him and watched his ghastly face! But his illness was 'the blessing +in disguise'; he forgot all our disgraceful bickerings, and was +never satisfied unless I was with him. Lucy grumbled, and sneered, +and looked sour; but I had my husband's heart again, and determined +to keep it. As soon as he was strong enough I told him how wretched +I had been and how sincerely I desired to make him happy, if Lucy +would only not interfere. He saw that our domestic peace was +dependent upon the change, and from that hour his sister ceased +meddling with my affairs. What he said to her I never knew; but soon +after his recovery she returned to her parents, and I was left in +peace. + +"I began in sober earnest to be all my husband wished me; read the +books he liked (though it was a terrible bore at first); read to +him; took part in all the societies connected with his church, and, +in short, became quite a demure pastor's wife. Occasionally my old +fondness for fun would break out, to the horror of some of his +antediluvian flock; but Ernest was very good, and bore patiently +with me, and now I am as prim and precise as any old maid of sixty. +At home I do as I like; that is, when Ernest likes it too. I sing, +and play, and romp with the dogs and kittens; but the moment the +door bell rings, lo! a demure matron receives her guests! Ernest's +health is quite restored, and I am as happy as the day is long. You +should see me working in my garden, and sometimes churning before +breakfast, to give Ernest a fresh glass of buttermilk. I would not +change places with an empress, I am so happy. My husband loves me +better than everything else beside, and what more could I desire? + +"Do come and see me; we would be so delighted to have you spend some +time in our home. I am such a genuine rustic you would scarcely +recognize me. Just fancy me with an apron on, my sleeves rolled up, +churning as fast as the dasher can fly and singing at the top of my +voice. Mother was perfectly shocked, when she first came to live +with me, and vowed I should not make a 'drudge' of myself. Drudge, +indeed! because I chose to do something with my own hands for my +husband! I told her I would 'drudge,' as she called it, just as long +as Ernest loved such things as I could prepare for him myself; and I +read her those famous remarks of Lady Mary Montagu, in which all +domestic pursuits, even cooking, are dignified as a labor of love; +whereupon Ernest gave me a kiss, and mother declined any further +argumentation on the subject. + +"How some of my fashionable city friends would elevate their +fastidious noses at seeing me, with my check aprons, picking +strawberries or arranging curds for tea! Come and see me; do, +Beulah; I am the very happiest woman extant; that is, I would be, if +I could only know something of Uncle Guy. It is almost five years +since he left home, and for a long, long time we have heard nothing +from him. This is the only sorrow I have. Sometimes I fear he must +have died in some distant land, yet will not believe it. I want to +see him very much; my heart aches when I think about him. Dear Uncle +Guy! next to my husband, I believe I love him best. Can't you tell +me something of him? or do you know as little as his relatives? +Ernest says he will walk into our house some day without any +intimation of his coming. Oh, I hope so! I endeavor to believe so! +Do write to me. I often think of you, in your loneliness, and wish +you were as happy as your friend, + +"PAULINE." + +Beulah laid the letter beside one received the previous day from +Clara, and mused for some moments. They were both happily married, +and she sincerely rejoiced over their fortunate lots; but Clara had +onced loved her guardian; how could she possibly forget him so +entirely? Was love a mere whim of the hour, fostered by fortuitously +favorable circumstances, but chilled and vanquished by absence or +obstacles? Could the heart demolish the idol it had once enshrined, +and set up another image for worship? Was Time the conquering +iconoclast? Why, then, did she suffer more acutely as each year +rolled on? She had little leisure, however, for these reflections; +the Asburys had returned, and the cottage had been rented by a +family who were anxious to take possession immediately. Such +articles of furniture as were no longer needed had been sent to an +auction room, and she sat down in the empty dining room to see the +last load removed. To-day she bade adieu to the cottage, and +commenced boarding once more. Her heart was heavy, but her eyes were +undimmed, and her grave, composed face betokened little of the +sorrow which oppressed her. Here she had spent five years in +peaceful seclusion; here she had toiled and earned reputation as a +writer; and here many hours of happiness had been passed among her +flowers. The place was very dear to her; it was the only spot on the +face of the wide world she had ever felt was her home. Home! if it +consists of but a sanded floor and unplastered walls, what a halo is +shed upon its humble hearth! A palatial mansion, or sequestered +cottage among wild forests, were alike sanctified by the name. Home! +the heart's home! who shall compute its value? But Beulah must +relinquish her retreat, and find refuge in the home of others. Would +this content her? Was she to be always homeless? True, she was to +reside with loved and tried friends, yet she would be a homeless +orphan still, without claims upon one living being. The grave had +closed over the kind matron who had so warmly loved her, and she was +without ties in the world. These thoughts passed through her mind as +she saw the last chair deposited on a furniture cart and borne away. +Charon looked up at her mournfully, as if to ask: + +"Are we homeless? Where shall we wander?" She stroked his head, and +went into the flower garden to gather a last bouquet from plants she +had so carefully tended. An early frost had nipped the buds, but the +chrysanthemums were in all their glory--crimson, white, and orange. +She broke some of the beautiful clusters, and, with a long, +lingering look, turned away. The black mourning veil was thrown back +from a pale, calm face: and as she walked on, reflecting upon the +future, which stretched dimly before her, she exclaimed: + +"Why should I wish it otherwise? The arms of a merciful God will +shield me, under all circumstances. My life was not given for a mere +holiday. So I but do my duty faithfully, all will be well. Ah, +truly, I can say:" + + "'Let me, then, be up and doing, + With a heart for any fate, + Still achieving, still pursuing, + Learn to labor, and to wait!'" + +"Yes, learn to labor and to wait. The heart cries out fiercely for +its recompense; is loath to wait. But I can conquer even this. I +will be patient and hopeful. Duty is its own recompense." + +Mrs. Asbury spared no exertion to make the orphan happy in her +house. She treated her with the gentle frankness which characterized +her deportment toward her daughters; and to identify her with her +own family, often requested her to assist in her household plans. +She thoroughly understood and appreciated Beulah's nature, and +perfect confidence existed between them. It was no sooner known that +Beulah was an inmate of the house than many persons, curious to see +one of whom rumor spoke so flatteringly, availed themselves of the +circumstance to make her acquaintance. Almost unconsciously, she +soon found herself the center of a circle of literary people whom +she had often heard of, but had never known previously. Gradually +her reserve melted away, and her fine colloquial powers developed +themselves; but she wearied of the visitors--wearied even of the +themes discussed, and, having passed her life in seclusion, found in +solitude a degree of enjoyment which society could not confer. Helen +had married a planter, and resided at some distance from the city, +but Georgia and her husband remained at home. Thus, imperceptibly, +time wore on. Eugene often came and spent an hour with Beulah; and, +still more frequently, Cornelia was sent to while away an evening +with her merry prattle. Very steadily Eugene advanced in his +profession; the applause of the world cheered him on, and an +enviable reputation was his at last. Grasping ambition lured him, +step by step; and it was evident that he aimed at a seat beside +Reginald Lindsay. Rejoiced at his entire reformation, and proud of +his success, Beulah constantly encouraged his aspirations. +Antoinette was as gay and indifferent as ever, and Eugene divided +his heart between his child and his ambition. + +By a system of rigid economy in the disposal of her time, Beulah not +only attended to her school duties, her music, and her books, but +found leisure, after writing her magazine articles, to spend some +time each day with the family under whose roof she resided. Dr. +Asbury's health was rather feeble, and of late his eyes had grown so +dim as to prevent his reading or writing. This misfortune was to a +great extent counterbalanced by his wife's devoted attention, and +often Beulah shared the duties of the library. One bright Sunday +afternoon she walked out to the cemetery, which she visited +frequently. In one corner of a small lot, inclosed by a costly iron +railing, stood a beautiful marble monument, erected by Mr. Grayson +over Lilly's grave. It represented two angels bearing the child up +to its God. Just opposite, in the next lot, was a splendid mausoleum +of the finest white marble, bearing in gilt letters the name +"Cornelia Graham, aged twenty-three." It was in the form of a +temple, with slender fluted columns supporting the portico; and on +the ornate capitals was inscribed in corresponding gilt characters, +"Silentio! silentio!" At the entrance stood two winged forms, +crowned with wreaths of poppies; and a pair of beautiful vases held +withered flowers. Beulah sat on the marble steps. Before her +stretched aisles of tombstones; the sunshine sparkled on their +polished surfaces, and was reflected as from countless mirrors. +Myrtle and laurel trees waved gently in the icy north wind, and +stately, solemn cedars kept guard in every inclosure. All was silent +and still, save those funereal evergreen boughs which stirred softly +as if fearful of disturbing the pale sleepers around them. Human +nature shrinks appalled from death and all that accompanies it; but +in the deep repose, the sacred hush, which reigned over the silent +city, there was for Beulah something inexpressibly soothing. In a +neighboring lot she could see a simple white slab Eugene had erected +over the remains of the friend of their childhood. Her labors ended, +the matron slept near the forms of Lilly and Cornelia. Here winter +rains fell unheeded, and here the balmy breath of summer brought +bright blossoms and luxuriant verdure. Mocking-birds sang cheerfully +in the sentinel cedars, and friends wandered slowly over the shelled +walks, recalling the past. Here there was no gloom to affright the +timid soul; all was serene and inviting. Why should the living +shrink from a resting-place so hallowed and peaceful? And why should +death be invested with fictitious horrors? A procession entered one +of the gates, and wound along the carriage road to a remote corner +of the burying-ground. The slow, measured tread of the horses, the +crush of wheels on the rocky track, and the smothered sobs of the +mourners, all came in subdued tones to Beulah's ears. Then the train +disappeared, and she was again in solitude. Looking up, her eyes +rested on the words above her: "Silentio! silentio!" They were +appropriate, indeed, upon the monument of her who had gone down into +the tomb so hopelessly, so shudderingly. Years had passed since the +only child had been laid here; yet the hour of release was as fresh +in Beulah's memory as though she had seen the convulsed features but +yesterday; and the words repeated that night seemed now to issue +from the marble lips of the statues beside her: "For here we have no +continuing city, but seek one to come." With her cheek on her hand, +the orphan sat pondering the awful mystery which darkened the last +hour of the young sleeper; and, looking back over her own life, +during the season when she "was without God and without hope," she +saw that only unbelief had clothed death with terror. Once she stood +on this same spot, and with trembling horror saw the coffin lowered. +Had death touched her then, she would have shrunk appalled from the +summons; but now it was otherwise. + +"I am the resurrection and the life, saith the Lord; he that +believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live; and +whosoever liveth and believeth in me, shall never die." + +She believed; and, while a beautiful world linked her to life, and +duty called to constant and cheerful labor, death lost its hideous +aspect. With a firm faith in the Gospel of Christ, she felt that +earth with all its loveliness was but a probationary dwelling-place; +and that death was an angel of God, summoning the laborers to their +harvest home. She had often asked what is the aim and end of life? +One set of philosophers told her it was to be happy. Another +exclaimed it was to learn to endure with fortitude all ills. But +neither satisfied her; one promised too much, the other too little, +and only in revelation was an answer found. Yet how few pause to +ponder its significance! With the majority, life is the all: the +springtime, the holiday; and death the hated close of enjoyment. +They forget that + + "Not enjoyment, and not sorrow, + Is our destined end or way; + But to act that each to-morrow + Find us further than to-day." + +The path of Christianity is neither all sunshine nor all shadow, +checkered certainly, but leading to a final abode of unimaginable +bliss; and, with the Bible to guide her, the orphan walked +fearlessly on, discharging her duties, and looking unto God and his +Christ to aid her. She sat on the steps of the sepulcher, watching +the last rays of the setting sun gild the monumental shafts that +pointed to heaven. Her grave face might have told the scrutinizing +observer of years of grief and struggle; but it also betokened an +earnest soul calmly trusting the wisdom and mercy of the All-Father. +She sighed as she thought of the gifted but unhappy woman who slept +near her, and, rising, walked on to Lilly's tomb. Ten years had +rolled their waves over her since that little form was placed here. +She looked down at the simple epitaph: "He taketh his young lambs +home." The cherub face seemed to beam upon her once more, and the +sweet, birdlike tones of her childish voice still lingered in the +secret cells of memory. She extended her arms, as if to clasp the +form borne up by the angels, and said tremulously: + +"Lilly, my sister, my white-robed darling, but a little while and we +shall meet where orphanage is unknown! 'He doeth all things well!' +Ah, little sleeper, I can wait patiently for our reunion." + +As she turned her steps homeward a shadowy smile stole over her +features, and the lines about her mouth resumed their wonted +composure. + +"Beulah, father has been asking for you," said Georgia, who met her +on the staircase. + +"I will go down to him immediately," was the cheerful answer, and, +putting away her bonnet and shawl, she went at once to the library. +The doctor was leaning very far back in his favorite chair, and she +saw at a glance he had fallen asleep. + +Mrs. Asbury sat at a table, weighing out some medicine he had +directed sent to a patient. She looked up as Beulah entered, smiled, +and said in an undertone: + +"My liege lord is indulging in a nap. Come to the fire, dear; you +look cold." + +She left the room with the medicine, and Beulah stood before the +bright wood fire and watched the ruddy light flashing grotesquely +over the pictures on the wall. The gas had not yet been lighted; she +crossed the room, and sat down before the window. A red glow still +lingered in the west, and, one by one, the stars came swiftly out. +She took up a book she had been reading that morning; but it was too +dim to see the letters, and she contented herself with looking out +at the stars, brightening as the night deepened. "So should it be +with faith," thought she, "and yet, as troubles come thick and fast, +we are apt to despair." Mrs. Asbury came back and lighted the gas, +but Beulah was too much absorbed to notice it. The doctor waked, and +began to talk about the severity of the winter further north and the +suffering it produced among the poor. Presently he said: + +"What has become of that child Beulah--do you know, Alice?" + +"Yes; there she is by the window. You were asleep when she came in." + +He looked round and called to her. + +"What are you thinking about, Beulah? You look as cold as an +iceberg. Come to the fire. Warm hands and feet will aid your +philosophizing wonderfully." + +"I am not philosophizing, sir," she replied, without rising. + +"I will wager my elegant new edition of Coleridge against your old +one that you are! Now, out with your cogitations, you incorrigible +dreamer!" + +"I have won your Coleridge. I was only thinking of that Talmudish +tradition regarding Sandalphon, the angel of prayer." + +"What of him?" + +"Why, that he stands at the gate of heaven, listens to the sounds +that ascend from earth, and, gathering all the prayers and +entreaties, as they are wafted from sorrowing humanity, they change +to flowers in his hands, and the perfume is borne into the celestial +city to God. Yesterday I read Longfellow's lines on this legend, and +suppose my looking up at the stars recalled it to my mind. But +Georgia told me you asked for me. Can I do anything for you, sir? +Are there any prescriptions you wish written off?" She came and +stood by his chair. + +"No, thank you, child; but I should like to hear more of that book +you were reading to me last night--that is, if it will not weary +you, my child." + +"Certainly not--here it is. I was waiting for you to ask me for more +of it. Shall I begin now, or defer it till after tea?" + +"Now, if you please." + +Mrs. Asbury seated herself on an ottoman at her husband's feet, and +threw her arm up over his knee; and, opening Butler's "Analogy," +Beulah began to read where she left off the previous day, in the +chapter on "a future life." + +With his hand resting on his wife's head, Dr. Asbury listened +attentively. At the conclusion of the chapter, she turned to the +dissertation on "personal identity," so nearly related to it, and +read it slowly and impressively. + +"It is remarkably clear and convincing," said the doctor, when she +ceased. + +"Yes; his argument that death, instead of being an abnormal event, +is as much a law of our nature as birth (because necessary to future +development), and that, as at maturity, we have perfections of which +we never dreamed in infancy, so death may put us in possession of +new powers, by releasing us from the chrysalis state, is one which +has peculiar significance to my mind. Had Cornelia Graham studied +it, she would never have been tortured by the thought of that +annihilation which she fancied awaited her. From childhood this +question of 'personal identity' has puzzled me; but, it seems to me, +this brief treatise of Butler is quite satisfactory. It should be a +text-book in all educational institutions; should be scattered far +and wide through the land." + +Here the solemn tones of the church bells told that the hour of +evening service drew near. The doctor started, and said abruptly: + +"Bless me! Alice, are we to have no tea to-night?" + +"Yes; the tea bell rang some minutes ago; but Beulah had not quite +finished her chapter, and I would not interrupt." + +As they walked on to the dining room he said: + +"You two are going to church, I suppose?" + +"No; I shall remain with you," answered his wife gently. + +"You need not, my dear. I will go with you, if you prefer it." +Beulah did not look up, but she knew that true-hearted wife was +unspeakably happy; and understood why, during tea, she was so quiet, +so unwontedly silent. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIX. + + +"I wish Hartwell would come home and attend to his business," +muttered Dr. Asbury, some weeks later; and, as he spoke, he threw +his feet impatiently over the fender of the grate, looking +discontented enough. + +"He will come, sir; he will come," answered Beulah, who sat near +him. + +"How do you know that so well, child? Why do you suppose he will +come?" asked the doctor, knitting his bushy gray eyebrows. + +"Perhaps, because I wish it so very much; and hope and faith are +nearly allied, you know; and perhaps more than this--because I have +prayed so long for his return." + +She sat with her hands folded, looking quietly into the glowing +grate. The old man watched her a moment, as the firelight glared +over her grave, composed face, and tears came suddenly into his +eyes. + +"When Harry Hartwell died (about eighteen months since) he left his +share of the estate to Guy. It is one of the finest plantations in +the State, and for the last three years the crops have been +remarkably good. The cotton has been sold regularly, and the bulk of +the money is still in the hands of the factor. Yesterday I happened +to pass the old house, and rode in to see how things looked; +positively, child, you would scarcely recognize the place. You know +the Farleys only occupied it a few months; since that time it has +been rented. Just now it is vacant, and such a deserted-looking +tenement I have not seen for many days. As far as I am concerned--" + +Here a servant entered to inform the doctor that he was wanted +immediately to see one of his patients. He kicked off his slippers, +and got up, grumbling: + +"A plague on Guy's peregrinating proclivities! I am getting too old +to jump up every three seconds, to keep somebody's baby from jerking +itself into a spasm or suffocating with the croup. Hartwell ought to +be here to take all this practice off my hands." + +He put on his overcoat and went out. + +Beulah sat quite still for some minutes after his departure; then, +glancing at the clock, she started up suddenly. + +"Where are you going, my dear?" said Mrs. Asbury, looking up from a +letter she was writing to Helen. + +"To walk." + +"But Mr. Leonard is coming here this afternoon to see you; he +requested me to tell you so." + +"I don't want to see him." + +"But, my dear, he has already called several times recently without +seeing you." + +"And if he had any penetration he might perceive that the avoidance +was intended. I am tired of his frequent visits and endless +harangues, and he might see it if he chose." She looked rather +impatient. + +Mrs. Asbury had sealed her letter, and, approaching the rug where +Beulah stood, she laid her soft hand on her shoulder, and said +gently: + +"My dear child, do not think me officious, or prompted by mere idle +curiosity, if I ask, Do you intend to reject him?" + +"Why, ma'am, I have rejected him once, and still he forces his +society upon me. As to staying at home to see him, I won't do it." + +Mrs. Asbury seemed surprised, and said smilingly: + +"Upon my word, Beulah, you seem fastidious, indeed. What possible +objection could you find to Hugh Leonard? Why, my dear, he is the +best match in the city." + +"I would about as soon think of marrying the doctor's armchair, +there." + +Beulah went to her own room and put on her bonnet and cloak. Charon +very rarely attended her in her rambles; he had grown old, and was +easily fatigued; but this afternoon she called to him, and they set +out. It was a mild, sunny evening for winter, and she took the +street leading to her guardian's old residence. A quick walk soon +brought her into the suburbs, and ere long she stood before the +entrance. The great central gate was chained, but the little side +gate was completely broken from its hinges, and lay on the ground. +Alas! this was but the beginning. As she entered she saw, with +dismay, that the yard was full of stray cattle. Cows, sheep, goats +browsed about undisturbed among the shrubbery which her guardian had +tended so carefully. She had not been here since he sold it; but +even Charon saw that something was strangely amiss. He bounded off, +and soon cleared the inclosure of the herd which had become +accustomed to grazing here. Beulah walked slowly up the avenue; the +aged cedars whispered hoarsely above her as she passed, and the +towering poplars, whose ceaseless silvery rustle had an +indescribable charm for her in summers past, now tossed their bare +boughs toward her in mute complaining of the desolation which +surrounded them. The reckless indifference of tenants has deservedly +grown into a proverb, and here Beulah beheld an exemplification of +its truth. Of all the choice shrubbery which it had been the labor +of years to collect and foster; not a particle remained. Hoses, +creepers, bulbs--all were destroyed, and only the trees and hedges +were spared. The very outline of the beds was effaced in many +places, and, walking round the paved circle in front of the door, +she paused abruptly at the desolation which greeted her. Here was +the marble basin of the fountain half filled with rubbish, as though +it had been converted into a receptacle for trash, and over the +whole front of the house the dark glossy leaves of the creeping ivy +clung in thick masses. She looked around on all sides, but only ruin +and neglect confronted her. She remembered the last time she came +here, and recalled the beautiful Sunday morning when she saw her +guardian standing by the fountain, feeding his pigeons. Ah, how +sadly changed! She burst into tears, and sat down on the steps. +Charon ran about the yard for some time; then came back, looked up +at the somber house, howled, and lay down at her feet. Where was the +old master? Wandering among Eastern pagodas, while his home became a +retreat for owls. + +"He has forgotten us, Charon! He has forgotten his two best friends- +-you and I--who love him so well! Oh, Charon, he has forgotten us!" +cried she, almost despairingly. Charon gave a melancholy groan of +assent, and nestled closer to her. Five years had gone since he left +his native land, and, for once, her faith was faint and wavering. +But, after some moments, she looked up at the calm sky arching above +her, and, wiping away her tears, added resignedly: + +"But he will come! God will bring him home when he sees fit! I can +wait! I can wait!" + +Charon's great, gleaming black eyes met hers wistfully; he seemed +dubious of his master's return. Beulah rose, and he obeyed the +signal. + +"Come, Charon, it is getting late; but we will come back some day, +and live here." + +It was dusk when she entered the library and found Mrs. Asbury +discussing the political questions of the day with her husband. She +had just finished reading aloud one of Reginald's Congressional +speeches, and advocated it warmly, while the doctor reprobated some +portion of his course. + +"You have had a long walk," said Mrs. Asbury, looking up as the +orphan entered. + +"And look, for the universe, as if you had been ghost-seeing," cried +the doctor, wiping his spectacles. + +"I would rather meet an army of ghosts than see what I have seen!" +answered Beulah. + +"Good Heavens! In the name of wonder, what have you seen, child? A +rattlesnake or a screech-owl?" + +He put his broad palms on his knees, and looked mockingly curious +and startled. + +"I have been out to see the old place, sir; found the gate broken +down, the front yard full of cows, and everything going to +destruction, except the trees and hedges. Sir, it makes me feel very +sad. I can't bear to have things go on this way any longer. It must +be rectified." + +"Bless my soul, that is easier said than done! The place is a +perfect owl-roost, there is no denying that; but it is no business +of ours. If Farley or his agent suffers the property to go to ruin, +it is his loss." + +"But I love the place. I want to save it. Won't you buy it, Dr. +Asbury?" + +"Won't I buy it? Why, what on earth do you suppose I should do with +it? I don't want to live in it; and, as for any more investments in +real estate, why, just excuse me, if you please! Insurance and +repairs eat up all the profits, and I am plagued to death with +petitions in the bargain." + +"Then I must buy it myself!" said Beulah resolutely. + +"In the name of common sense, tell me what you will do with it?" + +"I don't know yet; keep it, I suppose, until he comes home again. +How much do you suppose the Farleys ask for it?" + +"I really cannot conjecture. But, child, you must not think of this. +I will see the agent about it, and perhaps I may purchase it, to +oblige you. I will not hear of your buying it. Guy certainly cannot +contemplate heathenating much longer. There is that eternal door- +bell again! Somebody that believes I am constructed of wire and +gutta-percha, I dare say." + +He leaned back, and watched the door very uneasily. A servant looked +in. + +"Mr. Leonard, to see Miss Beulah." + +"Thank Heaven, it is nobody to see me!" The doctor settled himself +comfortably, and laughed at the perturbed expression of Beulah's +countenance. + +"Ask him to excuse me this evening," said she, without rising. + +"Nay, my dear; he was here this afternoon, and you had gone to walk. +It would be rude not to see him. Go into the parlor; do, my dear; +perhaps he will not detain you long," remonstrated Mrs. Asbury. + +Beulah said nothing; she set her lips firmly, rose, and went to the +parlor. + +"I will wager my head he won't stay fifteen minutes, after he gets a +glimpse of her face. Hugh ought to have sense enough to see that she +does not fancy him," said the doctor, laughing. + +"I should very much like to see the man she would fancy," answered +his wife, knitting away busily on a purse for some sewing society. + +"Oh, Alice! do you wonder she does not like Hugh Leonard? He is a +'catch,' as far as position, and money, and a certain sort of +talent, and is very clever, and upright, I know; but he does not +suit Beulah. If she would not marry Reginald, of course she won't +marry Hugh." + +Jangle! went the door bell once more, and this time the doctor was +forced to leave his chair and slippers. + +The winter had been very gay, and, without doubt, the belle of the +season was Claudia Grayson. She had grown up a brilliant, imperious +beauty. Petted most injudiciously by Mr. and Mrs. Grayson, the best +elements of her character, instead of being fostered and developed, +were smothered beneath vanity and arrogance; and soon selfishness +became the dominant characteristic. To those whom she considered her +inferiors she was supercilious and overbearing; while, even in her +adopted home, she tyrannized over both servants and parents. +Flattered and sought after in society, she was never happy unless +the center of a gay circle. Ere long she discovered the +heartlessness of her admirers; learned the malice and envy of the +very people she visited most intimately; and once acquainted with +their natures and habits, she found her greatest amusement in +ridiculing those who did precisely the same thing the moment she +left them. Beulah had never been able to conquer her feelings +sufficiently to enter Mrs. Grayson's house; but she had met Claudia +several times. The latter, when accompanied by any of her +fashionable acquaintances, always shrank from recognizing her; and +finally, thinking any allusion to former years, and the asylum, a +personal insult, she passed her without even a bow. The first time +this occurred Beulah was deeply wounded; she had loved Claudia very +warmly, and her superciliousness was hard to bear. But the slight +was repeated several times, and she learned to pity her weakness +most sincerely. + +"Ah!" thought she, "how much better it was that Lilly should die +than live to grow up a heartless flirt like Claudy! Much better, +little sister! Much better!" + +It was the morning after her walk to the old home of her guardian +that Dr. Asbury threw down the paper on the breakfast table with an +exclamation of horror. + +"What is the matter, George?" cried his wife, while Beulah grew +deadly pale, and clutched the paper; her mind, like "Hinda's," + + "Still singling ONE from all mankind." + +"Matter! Why, poor Grayson has committed suicide--shot himself last +night, poor wretch! He has been speculating too freely and lost +every cent; and, worse than that, used money to do it that was not +his. He made desperate throws and lost all; and the end of it was +that, when his operations were discovered, he shot himself, leaving +his family utterly destitute. I heard yesterday that they would not +have a cent; but never dreamed of his being so weak as to kill +himself. Miserable mistake!" + +"What will become of Mrs. Grayson and Claudia?" asked Beulah +sorrowfully. + +"I don't know, really. Mrs. Grayson has a brother living somewhere +up the country; I suppose he will offer them a home, such as he has. +I pity her. She is a weak creature,--weak, mind and body,--and this +reverse will come very near killing her." + +For some days nothing was discussed but the "Grayson tragedy." It +was well the unhappy man could not listen to the fierce maledictions +of disappointed creditors and the slanders which were now heaped +upon his name. Whatever his motives might have been, the world +called his offenses by the darkest names, and angry creditors vowed +every knife, fork, and spoon should come under the hammer. The +elegant house was sold--the furniture with it; and Mrs. Grayson and +Claudia removed temporarily to a boarding house. Not one of their +fashionable intimates approached them--no, not one. When Claudia +went one day to her mantuamaker to have her mourning fitted, she met +a couple of ladies who had formerly been constant visitors at the +house and regular attendants at her parties. Unsuspectingly she +hastened to meet them, but, to her astonishment, instead of greeting +her in their usual fawning manner, they received her with a very +cold bow, just touched the tips of her fingers, and, gathering up +their robes, swept majestically from the room. Rage and +mortification forced the tears into her eyes. + +Mrs. Asbury had never admired Mrs. Grayson's character; she visited +her formally about twice a year; but now, in this misfortune, she +alone called to see her. When Claudia returned from the +mantuamaker's she found Mrs. Asbury with her mother, and received +from her hand a kind, friendly note from the girl she had so grossly +insulted. Beulah was no flatterer; she wrote candidly and plainly; +said she would have called at once had she supposed her company +would be acceptable. She would gladly come and see Claudia whenever +she desired to see her, and hoped that the memory of other years +would teach her the sincerity of her friendship. Claudia wept +bitterly as she read it, and vainly regretted the superciliousness +which had alienated one she knew to be noble and trustworthy. She +was naturally an impulsive creature, and, without a moment's +hesitation, dashed off an answer, all blurred with tears, begging +Beulah to overlook her "foolishness" and come to see her. + +Accordingly, after school, Beulah went to the house where they were +boarding. Claudia met her rather awkwardly, but Beulah kissed her as +if nothing had ever occurred to mar their intercourse; and, after +some desultory conversation, asked her what they expected to do. + +"Heaven only knows! starve, I suppose." She spoke gloomily, and +folded her soft white hands over each other, as if the idea of work +was something altogether foreign to her mind. + +"But, Claudia, I reckon you hardly expect to starve," answered +Beulah, who could not forbear smiling. + +"Dear knows what is to become of us--I am sure I don't! Mamma has a +brother living in some out-of-the-way place up the country. But he +does not like me--thinks some of his own children ought to have been +adopted in my place. Heaven knows I have made nothing by the +operation but a great disappointment; he need not be uneasy about +the amount I am to get. But you see they don't want me, having an +old spite at me, and mamma dislikes to ask them to take me; besides, +I would almost as soon be buried at once as go to that farm, or +plantation, or whatever it is. They have written to mamma to come, +and she does not know what to do." + +"You are a good musician, are you not?" + +"No, not particularly. I never could endure to practice." + +"Don't you draw and paint finely? I have heard that you did." + +"Yes; but what good will it do me now, I should like to know?" She +twirled her little plump, jeweled fingers indolently. + +"It might do you a great deal of good, if you chose. You might +support yourself by giving lessons," said Beulah decisively. + +She drew up her shoulders, frowned, and pouted without making any +answer. + +"Claudy, you do not wish to be dependent on a man who dislikes you?" + +"Not if I can help myself!" + +"And you certainly do not wish to be the means of preventing Mrs. +Grayson from having a comfortable home with her brother?" + +Claudia burst into tears. She did not love her mother, did not even +respect her, she was so very weak and childish; yet the young orphan +felt very desolate, and knew not what to do. Beulah took her hand, +and said kindly: + +"If you are willing to help yourself, dear Claudy, I will gladly do +all I can to assist you. I think I can secure you a situation as +teacher of drawing, and, until you can make something at it, I will +pay your board; and you shall stay with me, if you like. You can +think about it, and let me know as soon as you decide." Claudia +thanked her cordially, and, returning home, Beulah immediately +imparted the plan to her friends. They thought it would scarcely +succeed, Claudia had been so petted and spoiled. Beulah sat gazing +into the fire for a while; then, looking at the doctor, said +abruptly: + +"There is that Graham money, sir, doing nobody any good." + +"That is just what I have been telling you for the last six years. I +have invested it carefully, until it has almost doubled itself." + +"It would make them very comfortable," continued she thoughtfully. + +"Make them very comfortable!" repeated the doctor, throwing his +cigar into the grate, and turning suddenly toward her. + +"Yes--Claudia and Mrs. Grayson." + +"Beulah Benton! are you going insane, I should like to know? Here +you are, working hard every day of your life, and do you suppose I +shall suffer you to give that legacy (nearly nine thousand dollars!) +to support two broken-down fashionables in idleness? Who ever heard +of such a piece of business since the world began? I will not +consent to it! I tell you now, the money shall not leave my hands +for any such purpose." + +"I don't want it myself. I never shall touch a dollar of it for my +own use," said she resolutely. + +"All very fine now. But wait till you get superannuated, or such a +cripple with rheumatism that you can't hobble to that schoolhouse, +which you seem to love better than your own soul. Wait till then, I +say, and see whether some of this money will not be very +acceptable." + +"That time will never come, sir; never!" answered Beulah, laughing. + +"Beulah Benton, you are a simpleton!" said he, looking +affectionately at her from beneath his shaggy brows. + +"I want that money, sir." + +"You shall not have one cent of it. The idea of your playing Lady +Bountiful to the Graysons! Pshaw! not a picayune shall you have." + +"Oh, sir, it would make me so very happy to aid them. You cannot +conceive how much pleasure it would afford me." + +"Look here, child; all that sort of angelic disinterestedness sounds +very well done up in a novel, but the reality is quite another +matter. Mrs. Grayson treated you like a brute; and it is not to be +expected that you will have any extraordinary degree of affection +for her. Human nature is spiteful and unforgiving; and as for your +piling coals of fire on her head to the amount of nine thousand +dollars, that is being entirely too magnanimous!" + +"I want to make Mrs. Grayson amends, sir. Once, when I was maddened +by sorrow and pain, I said something which I always repented +bitterly." As Beulah spoke, a cloud swept across her face. + +"What was it, child? what did you say?" + +"I cursed her! besought God to punish her severely for her +unkindness to me. I hardly knew what I was saying; but even then it +shocked me, and I prayed God to forgive my passion. I shudder when I +remember it. I have forgiven her heartlessness long ago; and now, +sir, I want you to give me that money. If it is mine at all, it is +mine to employ as I choose." + +"Cornelia did not leave the legacy to the Graysons." + +"Were she living, she would commend the use I am about to make of +it. Will you give me five thousand dollars of it?" + +"Oh, Beulah, you are a queer compound! a strange being!" + +"Will you give me five thousand dollars of that money tomorrow?" +persisted Beulah, looking steadily at him. + +"Yes, child; if you will have it so." His voice trembled, and he +looked at the orphan with moist eyes. + +Mrs. Asbury had taken no part in the conversation, but her earnest +face attested her interest. Passing her arm around Beulah's waist, +she hastily kissed her brow, and only said: + +"God bless you, my dear, noble Beulah!" + +"I do not see that I am at all magnanimous in giving away other +people's money. If I had earned it by hard labor, and then given it +to Claudy, there would have been some more show of generosity. Here +come Georgia and her husband; you do not need me to read this +evening, and I have work to do." She extricated herself from Mrs. +Asbury's clasping arm and retired to her own room. The following day +Claudia came to say that, as she knew not what else to do, she would +gladly accept the position mentioned as teacher of drawing and +painting. Mrs. Grayson's brother had come to take her home, but she +was unwilling to be separated from Claudia. Beulah no longer +hesitated, and the sum of five thousand dollars seemed to poor +Claudia a fortune indeed. She could not understand how the girl whom +she and her mother had insulted could possibly have the means of +making them so comparatively comfortable. Beulah briefly explained +the circumstances which had enabled her to assist them. The bulk of +the money remained in Dr. Asbury's hands, and Claudia was to apply +to him whenever she needed it. She and her mamma found a cheaper +boarding house, and Claudia's duties began at once. Mrs. Grayson was +overwhelmed with shame when the particulars were made known to her, +and tears of bitter mortification could not obliterate the memory of +the hour when she cruelly denied the prayer of the poor orphan to +whom she now owed the shelter above her head. Beulah did not see her +for many weeks subsequent; she knew how painful such a meeting would +be to the humbled woman, and, while she constantly cheered and +encouraged Claudia in her work, she studiously avoided Mrs. +Grayson's presence. + +Thus the winter passed; and once more the glories of a Southern +spring were scattered over the land. To the Asburys Beulah was +warmly attached, and her residence with them was as pleasant as any +home could possibly have been which was not her own. They were all +that friends could be to an orphan; still, she regretted her little +cottage, and missed the home-feeling she had prized so highly. True, +she had constant access to the greenhouse, and was rarely without +her bouquet of choice flowers; but these could not compensate her +for the loss of her own little garden. She struggled bravely with +discontent; tried to look only on the sunshine in her path and to be +always cheerful. In this she partially succeeded. No matter how +lonely and sad she felt, she hid it carefully, and the evenings in +the library were never marred by words of repining or looks of +sorrow. To the close observer there were traces of grief in her +countenance; and sometimes when she sat sewing while Mrs. Asbury +read aloud, it was easy to see that her thoughts had wandered far +from that little room. Time had changed her singularly since the old +asylum days. She was now a finely formed, remarkably graceful woman, +with a complexion of dazzling transparency. She was always pale, but +the blue veins might be traced anywhere on her brow and temples; and +the dark, gray eyes, with their long, jetty, curling lashes, +possessed an indescribable charm, even for strangers. She had been +an ugly child, but certainly she was a noble-looking, if not +handsome, woman. To all but the family with whom she resided she was +rather reserved; and while the world admired and eulogized her +talents as a writer, she felt that, except Eugene, she had no +friends beyond the threshold of the house she lived in. As weeks and +months elapsed, and no news of her wandering guardian came, her hope +began to pale. For weary years it had burned brightly; but constant +disappointment was pressing heavily on her heart and crushing out +the holy spark. The heartstrings will bear rude shocks and sudden +rough handling, but the gradual tightening, the unremitted tension +of long, tediously rolling years, will in time accomplish what +fierce assaults cannot. Continually she prayed for his return; but, +despite her efforts, her faith grew fainter as each month crept by +and her smile became more constrained and joyless. She never spoke +of her anxiety, never alluded to him; but pressed her hands over her +aching heart and did her work silently--nay, cheerfully. + + + + +CHAPTER XL. + + +The day was dull, misty, and gusty. All the morning there had been a +driving southeasterly rain; but toward noon there was a lull. The +afternoon was heavy and threatening, while armies of dense clouds +drifted before the wind. Dr. Asbury had not yet returned from his +round of evening visits; Mrs. Asbury had gone to the asylum to see a +sick child, and Georgia was dining with her husband's mother. Beulah +came home from school more than usually fatigued; one of the +assistant teachers was indisposed, and she had done double work to +relieve her. She sat before her desk, writing industriously on an +article she had promised to complete before the end of the week. Her +head ached; the lines grew dim, and she laid aside her manuscript +and leaned her face on her palms. The beautiful lashes lay against +her brow, for the eyes were raised to the portrait above her desk, +and she gazed up at the faultless features with an expression of sad +hopelessness. Years had not filled the void in her heart with other +treasures. At this hour it ached with its own desolation, and, +extending her arms imploringly toward the picture, she exclaimed +sorrowfully: + +"O my God, how long must I wait? Oh, how long!" + +She opened the desk, and, taking out a key, left her room and slowly +ascended to the third story. Charon crept up the steps after her. +She unlocked the apartment which Mrs. Asbury had given into her +charge some time before, and, raising one of the windows, looped +back the heavy blue curtains which gave a somber hue to all within. +From this elevated position she could see the stormy, sullen waters +of the bay breaking against the wharves, and hear their hoarse +muttering as they rocked themselves to rest after the scourging of +the tempest. Gray clouds hung low, and scudded northward: everything +looked dull and gloomy. She turned from the window and glanced +around the room. It was at all times a painful pleasure to come +here, and now, particularly, the interior impressed her sadly. Here +were the paintings and statues she had long been so familiar with, +and here, too, the melodeon which at rare intervals she opened. The +house was very quiet; not a sound came up from below; she raised the +lid of the instrument, and played a plaintive prelude. Echoes seven +or eight years old suddenly fell on her ears; she had not heard one +note of this air since she left Dr. Hartwell's roof. It was a +favorite song of his; a German hymn he had taught her, and now after +seven years she sang it. It was a melancholy air, and, as her +trembling voice rolled through the house, she seemed to live the old +days over again. But the words died away on her lips; she had +overestimated her strength; she could not sing it. The marble images +around her, like ghosts of the past, looked mutely down at her +grief. She could not weep; her eyes were dry, and there was an +intolerable weight on her heart. Just before her stood the Niobe, +rigid and woeful; she put her hands over her eyes, and drooped her +face on the melodeon. Gloom and despair crouched at her side, their +gaunt hands tugging at the anchor of hope. The wind rose and howled +round the corners of the house; how fierce it might be on trackless +seas, driving lonely barks down to ruin and strewing the main with +ghastly upturned faces! She shuddered and groaned. It was a dark +hour of trial, and she struggled desperately with the phantoms that +clustered about her. Then there came other sounds: Charon's shrill, +frantic bark and whine of delight. For years she had not heard that +peculiar bark, and started up in wonder. On the threshold stood a +tall form, with a straw hat drawn down over the features; but +Charon's paws were on the shoulders and his whine of delight ceased +not. He fell down at his master's feet and caressed them. Beulah +looked an instant, and sprang into the doorway, holding out her +arms, with a wild, joyful cry. + +"Come at last! Oh, thank God! Come at last!" Her face was radiant, +her eyes burned, her glowing lips parted. + +Leaning against the door, with his arms crossed over his broad +chest, Dr. Hartwell stood, silently regarding her. She came close to +him, and her extended arms trembled; still he did not move, did not +speak. + +"Oh, I knew you would come; and, thank God, now you are here. Come +home at last!" + +She looked up at him so eagerly; but he said nothing. She stood an +instant irresolute, then threw her arms around his neck and laid her +head on his bosom, clinging closely to him. He did not return the +embrace, but looked down at the beaming face and sighed; then he put +his hand softly on her head, and smoothed the rippling hair. A +brilliant smile broke over her features, as she felt the remembered +touch of his fingers on her forehead, and she repeated in the low +tones of deep gladness: + +"I knew you would come; oh, sir, I knew you would come back to me!" + +"How did you know it, child?" he said, for the first time. + +Her heart leaped wildly at the sound of the loved voice she had so +longed to hear, and she answered tremblingly: + +"Because for weary years I have prayed for your return. Oh, only God +knows how fervently I prayed! and he has heard me." + +She felt his strong frame quiver; he folded his arms about her, +clasped her to his heart with a force that almost suffocated her, +and, bending his head, kissed her passionately. Suddenly his arms +relaxed their clasp; holding her off, he looked at her keenly, and +said: + +"Beulah Benton, do you belong to the tyrant Ambition, or do you +belong to that tyrant Guy Hartwell? Quick, child; decide!" + +"I have decided," said she. Her cheeks burned; her lashes drooped. + +"Well?" + +"Well, if I am to have a tyrant, I believe I prefer belonging to +you?" + +He frowned. She smiled and looked up at him. + +"Beulah, I don't want a grateful wife. Do you understand me?" + +"Yes, sir." + +Just then his eyes rested on the portrait of Creola, which hung +opposite. He drew back a step, and she saw the blood leave his lips, +as he gazed upon it. Lifting his hand, he said sternly: + +"Ah, what pale specters that face calls up from the grim, gray ruins +of memory! Doubtless you know my miserable history. I married her, +thinking I had won her love. She soon undeceived me. We separated. I +once asked you to be my wife, and you told me you would rather die. +Child, years have not dealt lightly with me since then. I am no +longer a young man. Look here!" He threw off his hat, and, passing +his fingers through his curling hair, she saw, here and there, +streaks of silver. He watched her as she noted it. She saw, too, how +haggard he looked, now that the light fell full on his pale face. +The splendid, dark eyes were unaltered, and, as they looked down +into hers, tears gathered on her lashes, her lips trembled, and, +throwing her arms again round his neck, she laid her face on his +shoulder. + +"Beulah, do you cling to me because you love me? or because you pity +me? or because you are grateful to me for past love and kindness? +Answer me, Beulah." + +"Because you are my all." + +"How long have I been your all?" + +"Oh, longer than I knew myself!" was the evasive reply. + +He tried to look at her, but she pressed her face close to his +shoulder and would not suffer it. + +"Beulah!" + +"Sir." + +"Oh, don't 'sir' me, child! I want to know the truth, and you will +not satisfy me." + +"I have told you the truth." + +"Have you learned that fame is an icy shadow? that gratified +ambition cannot make you happy? Do you love me?" + +"Yes." + +"Better than teaching school and writing learned articles?" + +"Rather better, I believe, sir." + +"Beulah!" + +"Well, sir." + +"You have changed in many things since we parted, nearly six years +ago!" + +"Yes; I thank God, I am changed. My infidelity was a source of many +sorrows; but the clouds have passed from my mind; I have found the +truth in Holy Writ." Now she raised her head, and looked at him very +earnestly. + +"Child, does your faith make you happy?" + +"Yes; the universe could not purchase it," she answered solemnly. + +There was a brief silence. He put both hands on her shoulders, and, +stooping down, kissed her brow. + +"And you prayed for me, Beulah?" + +"Yes; evening and morning. Prayed that you might be shielded from +all dangers and brought safely home. And there was one other thing +which I prayed for not less fervently than for your return: that God +would melt your hard, bitter heart, and give you a knowledge of the +truth of the Christian religion. Oh, sir, I thought sometimes that +possibly you might die in a far-off land, and then I should see you +no more, in time or eternity! and oh, the thought nearly drove me +wild! My guardian, my all, let me not have prayed in vain." She +clasped his hand in hers, and looked up pleadingly into the loved +face; and, for the first time in her life, she saw tears glistening +in the burning eyes. He said nothing, however; took her face in his +hands, and scanned it earnestly, as if reading all that had passed +during his long absence. Presently he asked: + +"So you would not marry Lindsay and go to Congress. Why not?" + +"Who told you anything about him?" + +"No matter. Why did not you marry him?" + +"Because I did not love him." + +"He is a noble-hearted, generous man." + +"Yes, very; I do not know his superior." + +"What!" + +"I mean what I say," said she firmly. + +He smiled, one of his genial, irresistible smiles; and she smiled +also, despite herself. "Give me your hand, Beulah?" + +She did so very quietly. + +"There--is it mine?" + +"Yes, sir; if you want it." + +"And may I claim it as soon as I choose?" + +"Yes, sir." + +She had never seen him look as he did then. His face kindled, as if +in a broad flash of light; the eyes dazzled her, and she turned her +face away, as he drew her once more to his bosom, and exclaimed: + +"At last, then, after years of sorrow, and pain, and bitterness, I +shall be happy in my own home; shall have a wife, a companion, who +loves me for myself alone. Ah, Beulah, my idol; I will make you +happy!" + +The rain fell heavily, and it grew dark, for the night came rapidly +down. There was a furious ringing of the library bell; the doctor +had come home, and, as usual, wanted half a dozen things at once. + +"Have you seen Dr. Asbury?" + +"No. I came directly to the house; saw no one as I entered; and, +hearing the melodeon, followed the sound." + +"What a joyful surprise it will be to him!" said Beulah, closing the +window and locking the melodeon. She led the way down the steps, +followed by her guardian and Charon. "Suppose you wait a while in +the music room? It adjoins the library, and you can see and hear +without being seen." suggested she, with her hand on the bolt of the +door. He assented, and stood near the threshold which connected the +rooms, while Beulah went into the library. The gas burned brightly, +and the doctor sat leaning far back in his armchair, with his feet +on an ottoman. His wife stood near him, stroking the gray hair from +his furrowed brow. + +"Alice, I wish, dear, you would get me an iced lemonade, will you?" + +"Let me make it for you," said Beulah, coming forward. + +"Not you! At your peril, you touch it. You are overfond of the sour, +miss. Alice knows exactly how to suit me." + +"So you have turned homeopathist? take acids to--" + +"None of your observations, if you please. Just be good enough to +open the shutters, will you? It is as hot in this room as if the +equator ran between my feet and the wall. Charming weather, eh? And +still more charming prospect, that I shall have to go out into it +again before bedtime. One of my delectable patients has taken it +into his head to treat his wife and children to a rare show, in the +shape of a fit of mania-a-potu; and, ten to one, I shall have to +play spectator all night." He yawned as he spoke. + +"You have an arduous time indeed," began Beulah; but he hastily put +in: + +"Oh, of all poor devils, we pill-box gentry do have the hardest +times! I am sick of patients, sick of physic, sick of the very sound +of my own name." + +"If my guardian were only here to relieve--" + +"Confound your guardian! Don't mention him in my presence. He is a +simpleton. He is what the 'Ettrick Shepherd' calls a 'Sumph.' You +have no guardian, I can tell you that. Before this he has gone +through all the transmigrations of 'Indur,' and the final +metempsychosis, gave him to the world a Celestial. Yes, child; a +Celestial. I fancy him at this instant, with two long plaits of hair +trailing behind him, as, with all the sublime complacency of +Celestials, he stalks majestically along, picking tea leaves. +Confound your guardian. Mention his name to me again, at the peril +of having your board raised." + +"George, what is the matter with you?" asked his wife, smiling as +she handed him the lemonade he had desired. + +"This prating young woman is, as usual, trying to discourse of-- +Alice, this is just right. Thank you, my dear." He drained the glass +and handed it back. Beulah stood so that the light shone full on her +face. He looked at her a moment, and exclaimed: + +"Come here, child. What ails you? Why, bless my soul, Beulah, what +is the matter? I never saw the blood in your face before; and your +great, solemn eyes seem to be dancing a jig. What ails you, child?" +He grasped her hands eagerly. + +"Nothing ails me; I am well--" + +"I know better! Has Charon gone mad and bit you? Oho! by all the +dead gods of Greece, Guy has come home. Where is he? Where is he?" + +He sprang up, nearly knocking his wife down, and looked around the +room. Dr. Hartwell emerged from the music room and advanced to meet +him. + +"Oh, Guy! You heathen! you Philistine! you prodigal!" + +He bounded over a chair and locked his arms round the tall form, +while his gray head dropped on his friend's shoulder. Beulah stole +out quickly, and, in the solitude of her own room, fell on her knees +and returned thanks to the God who hears and answers prayer. + + + + +CHAPTER XLI. + + +It was a sparkling August morning--one of those rare days when all +nature seems jubilant. The waters of the bay glittered like a sheet +of molten silver; the soft Southern breeze sang through the +treetops, and the cloudless sky wore that deep shade of pure blue +which is nowhere so beautiful as in our sunny South. Clad in a dress +of spotless white, with her luxuriant hair braided and twined with +white flowers, Beulah stood beside her window, looking out into the +street below. Her hands were clasped tightly over her heart, and on +one slender finger blazed a costly diamond, the seal of her +betrothal. She was very pale; now and then her lips quivered, and +her lashes were wet with tears. Yet this was her marriage day. She +had just risen from her knees, and her countenance told of a +troubled heart. She loved her guardian above everything else; knew +that, separated from him, life would be a dreary blank to her; yet, +much as she loved him, she could not divest herself of a species of +fear, of dread. The thought of being his wife filled her with vague +apprehension. He had hastened the marriage; the old place had been +thoroughly repaired and refurnished, and this morning she would go +home a wife. She clasped her hands over her eyes; the future looked +fearful. She knew the passionate, exacting nature of the man with +whose destiny she was about to link her own, and she shrank back, as +the image of Creola rose before her. The door opened, and Mrs. +Asbury entered, accompanied by Dr. Hartwell. The orphan looked up, +and leaned heavily against the window. Mrs. Asbury broke the +silence. + +"They are waiting for you, my dear. The minister came some moments +ago. The clock has struck ten." + +She handed her a pair of gloves from the table, and stood in the +door, waiting for her. Beulah drew them on, and then, with a long +breath, glanced at Dr. Hartwell. He looked restless, and, she +thought, sterner, than she had seen him since his return. He was +very pale and his lips were compressed firmly. + +"You look frightened, Beulah. You tremble," said he, drawing her arm +through his and fixing his eyes searchingly on her face. "Yes. Oh, +yes. I believe I am frightened," she answered, with a constrained +smile. + +She saw his brow darken and his cheek flush; but he said no more, +and led her down to the parlor, where the members of the family were +assembled. Claudia and Eugene were also present. The minister met +them in the center of the room; and there, in the solemn hush, a few +questions were answered, a plain band of gold encircled her finger, +and the deep tones of the clergyman pronounced her Guy Hartwell's +wife. Eugene took her in his arms and kissed her tenderly, +whispering: + +"God bless you, dear sister and friend! I sincerely hope that your +married life will prove happier than mine." + +Their congratulations wearied her, and she was glad when the +carriage came to bear her away. Bidding adieu to her friends, she +was handed into the carriage, and Dr. Hartwell took the seat beside +her. The ride was short; neither spoke, and when the door was +opened, and she entered the well-remembered house, she would gladly +have retreated to the greenhouse and sought solitude to collect her +thoughts; but a hand caught hers, and she soon found herself seated +on a sofa in the study. She felt that a pair of eyes were riveted on +her face, and suddenly the blood surged into her white cheeks. Her +hand lay clasped in his, and her head drooped lower, to avoid his +searching gaze. + +"Oh, Beulah! my wife! why are you afraid of me?" + +The low, musical tones caused her heart to thrill strangely; she +made a great effort, and lifted her head. She saw the expression of +sorrow that clouded his face; saw his white brow wrinkle; and, as +her eyes fell on the silver threads scattered through his brown +hair, there came an instant revolution of feeling. Fear vanished; +love reigned supreme. She threw her arms up about his neck, and +exclaimed: + +"I am not afraid of you now. May God bless my guardian! my husband!" + +Reader, marriage is not the end of life; it is but the beginning of +a new course of duties; but I cannot now follow Beulah. Henceforth +her history is bound up with another's. To save her husband from his +unbelief is the labor of future years. She had learned to suffer and +to bear patiently; and though her path looks sunny, and her heart +throbs with happy hopes, this one shadow lurks over her home and +dims her joys. Weeks and months glided swiftly on. Dr. Hartwell's +face lost its stern rigidity, and his smile became constantly +genial. His wife was his idol; day by day his love for her seemed +more completely to revolutionize his nature. His cynicism melted +insensibly away; his lips forgot their iron compression; now and +then, his long-forgotten laugh rang through the house. Beulah was +conscious of the power she wielded, and trembled lest she failed to +employ it properly. One Sabbath afternoon she sat in her room, with +her cheek on her hand, absorbed in earnest thought. Her little Bible +lay on her lap, and she was pondering the text she had heard that +morning. Charon came and nestled his huge head against her. +Presently she heard the quick tramp of hoofs and whir of wheels; and +soon after her husband entered and sat down beside her. + +"What are you thinking of?" said he, passing his hand over her head +caressingly. + +"Thinking of my life--of the bygone years of struggle." + +"They are past, and can trouble you no more. 'Let the dead past bury +its dead!'" + +"No; my past can never die. I ponder it often, and it does me good; +strengthens me, by keeping me humble. I was just thinking of the +dreary, desolate days and nights I passed, searching for a true +philosophy and going further astray with every effort. I was so +proud of my intellect; put so much faith in my own powers; it was no +wonder I was so benighted." + +"Where is your old worship of genius?" asked her husband, watching +her curiously. + +"I have not lost it all. I hope I never shall. Human genius has +accomplished a vast deal for man's temporal existence. The physical +sciences have been wheeled forward in the march of mind, and man's +earthly path gemmed with all that a merely sensual nature could +desire. But, looking aside from these channels, what has it effected +for philosophy, that great burden, which constantly recalls the +fabled labors of Sisyphus and the Danaides? Since the rising of +Bethlehem's star, in the cloudy sky of polytheism, what has human +genius discovered of God, eternity, destiny? Metaphysicians build +gorgeous cloud palaces, but the soul cannot dwell in their cold, +misty atmosphere. Antiquarians wrangle and write; Egypt's moldering +monuments are raked from their desert graves, and made the theme of +scientific debate; but has all this learned disputation contributed +one iota to clear the thorny way of strict morality? Put the Bible +out of sight, and how much will human intellect discover concerning +our origin-our ultimate destiny? In the morning of time sages +handled these vital questions, and died, not one step nearer the +truth than when they began. Now, our philosophers struggle, +earnestly and honestly, to make plain the same inscrutable +mysteries. Yes; blot out the records of Moses, and we would grope in +starless night; for, notwithstanding the many priceless blessings it +has discovered for man, the torch of science will never pierce and +illumine the recesses over which Almighty God has hung his veil. +Here we see, indeed, as 'through a glass, darkly.' Yet I believe the +day is already dawning when scientific data will not only cease to +be antagonistic to Scriptural accounts, but will deepen the impress +of Divinity on the pages of Holy Writ; when 'the torch shall be +taken out of the hand of the infidel, and set to burn in the temple +of the living God'; when Science and Religion shall link hands. I +revere the lonely thinkers to whom the world is indebted for its +great inventions. I honor the tireless laborers who toil in +laboratories; who sweep midnight skies in search of new worlds; who +unheave primeval rocks, hunting for footsteps of Deity; and I +believe that every scientific fact will ultimately prove but another +lamp planted along the path which leads to a knowledge of Jehovah! +Ah! it is indeed peculiarly the duty of Christians 'to watch, with +reverence and joy, the unveiling of the august brow of Nature by the +hand of Science; and to be ready to call mankind to a worship ever +new'! Human thought subserves many useful, nay, noble, ends; the +Creator gave it, as a powerful instrument, to improve man's temporal +condition; but oh, sir, I speak of what I know, when I say: alas, +for that soul who forsakes the divine ark, and embarks on the gilded +toys of man's invention, hoping to breast the billows of life and be +anchored safely in the harbor of eternal rest! The heathens, 'having +no law, are a law unto themselves'; but for such as deliberately +reject the given light, only bitter darkness remains. I know it; for +I, too, once groped, wailing for help." + +"Your religion is full of mystery," said her husband gravely. + +"Yes; of divine mystery. Truly, 'a God comprehended is no God at +all!' Christianity is clear, as to rules of life and duty. There is +no mystery left about the directions to man; yet there is a divine +mystery infolding it, which tells of its divine origin, and promises +a fuller revelation when man is fitted to receive it. If it were not +so we would call it man's invention. You turn from Revelation +because it contains some things you cannot comprehend; yet you +plunge into a deeper, darker mystery when you embrace the theory of +an eternal, self-existing universe, having no intelligent creator, +yet constantly creating intelligent beings. Sir, can you understand +how matter creates mind?" + +She had laid her Bible on his knee; her folded hands rested upon it, +and her gray eyes, clear and earnest, looked up reverently into her +husband's noble face. His soft hand wandered over her head, and he +seemed pondering her words. + +May God aid the wife in her holy work of love! + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg Etext of Beulah, by Augusta J. Evans + |