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diff --git a/42467-0.txt b/42467-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7e0abb7 --- /dev/null +++ b/42467-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,914 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 42467 *** + +[Illustration: HELPFUL DONTS] + +[Transcriber's Notes: The original text had some words superscripted on +this page. Those words have been surrounded by {curly braces} to signify +this.] + + + + T{HE} COLLEGE FRESHMAN'S + DON'T BOOK + + {IN THE} INTERESTS {OF} FRESHMEN {AT} LARGE + ESPECIALLY THOSE WHOSE REMAINING + {AT} LARGE UNINSTRUCTED {&} UNGUIDED + APPEARS A WORRY {AND} A MENACE {TO} + COLLEGE {&} UNIVERSITY SOCIETY THESE + REMARKS {AND} HINTS ARE SET FORTH + BY G. F. E. (A. B.) A SYMPATHIZER + + THE ILLUSTRATIONS BY CHARLES FRANK INGERSON + THE DECORATIONS & INITIALS BY RAYMOND CARTER + +[Illustration] + + PAUL ELDER {AND} COMPANY + PUBLISHERS ::: SAN FRANCISCO + + + + + TO + H. H. C. + TOGETHER WE WERE + SMALL FROGS + IN THAT GREAT ACADEMIC PUDDLE + THE OLDEST IN OUR LAND + AND + IN MEMORY OF THE POLLIWOG STAGE + I DEDICATE TO YOU + THIS PLUNGE + + + _Copyright, 1910 + by Paul Elder and Company + San Francisco_ + + + + +CONTENTS + + + Page + As to the Place 1 + As to Settling Down 3 + As to Dress 11 + As to Dining 15 + As to Lectures and Studies 18 + As to College Organizations and Friends 26 + As to Things in General 32 + + + + +ILLUSTRATIONS + + + Opposite + Helpful Don'ts, _Frontispiece_ Page + The weather is generally the _only_ thing + about a College Town not yet educated 2 + Don't overdo the _decoration_ of your room 8 + Don't dress too sporty 12 + Don't monopolize the _conversation_ at the table 16 + Don't fail to keep in mind the steps of _descent_ 24 + Don't answer back if the Coach _speaks harshly_ to you 28 + Don't pawn your watch during your first year 34 + + + + +AS TO THE PLACE + + +[Sidenote: THE COLLEGE TOWN] + +DON'T imagine that you _own_ the _College Town_ from the moment you +strike it. Remember, there are prior claims, and you're not the _first_ +squatter. + +[Sidenote: ITS WEATHER] + +_Don't_ expect the College Town to furnish you with good weather; +because it won't. The weather is generally the _only_ thing about a +College Town not yet educated. Of course, if you happen to have come +from Lapland or Patagonia, and do not know what good weather is, the +weather here _may_ suit you. The oldest inhabitants in a College Town +live to be very old; this is to be accounted for by the fact that they +are kept alive by their curiosity to see _what_ kind of weather is +going to develop next. + +[Sidenote: THE COLLEGE SIGHTS] + +_Don't_ forget that sight-seeing relatives and others coming on a visit +to the College, _must_ see the Library, the Gymnasium, the Dining Hall, +and the Athletic Field. These, and the Campus, are generally all the +sights there are. It is well to get this list carefully in mind _early_, +as it saves you from a panic at the last minute. You often think that +you will explore the place and get something _new_ to show people; but +this you never do. The above list is a fairly accurate one, and it +suffices. Those whom you are guiding about always pretend they are +_dreadfully_ interested and excited about every thing in turn. On your +first trip as official guide, you yourself see a great deal; on your +fiftieth, you try _not_ to. + +[Illustration: THE WEATHER IS GENERALLY THE _ONLY_ THING ABOUT A COLLEGE +TOWN NOT YET EDUCATED] + + + + +AS TO SETTLING DOWN + + +[Sidenote: YOUR ARRIVAL] + +DON'T think that your _mere arrival_ at College has made you able to +_relieve Atlas_ in holding up the World. The World's idea of you at this +point is, that you're something like a gold-fish just let loose in a +glass globe. It _will begin to expect_ something of you when you're +dumped into the big Ocean. + +[Sidenote: YOUR RESIDENCE] + +_Don't_, if you can possibly side-step it, begin to live in a place +which you do not like. The _Blue-Willies_ may lurk in the corners. Many +a _Freshman_ changes his residence about the _mid-year_, because he has +not made a careful selection at first. The moving often entails cracked +wash-bowls, broken pictures and casts, stifled oaths, and a sense of +_great unrest_ not appropriate to the season. + +[Sidenote: YOUR LANDLADY] + +_Don't_ treat your _Landlady_ shabbily if you happen to live in a +private house. Some Landladies are the best souls in the world. All of +them are proud and _descended from the best early families_ (you have +only to take _their_ word for this). Though they are often inquisitive, +their inquisitiveness often comes from their genuine interest in you. +Sometimes, _the more they know_ of your family history, _the less they +will charge_ you for oil and gas, at the end of the month. + +[Sidenote: HER RIGHTS] + +_Don't_ begin _too_ early in the term to make your Landlady's house a +_noisy abode_. She may get impatient and do something hasty, such as +even demanding your key, payment and evacuation. In _such_ an event you +see the full meaning of her appellation. Whereas, before you may have +thought that the word "land" in her title meant to _catch_, as to _land +a fish_, you now see that it is primarily derived from her ability _to +come down hard_ on a special occasion. + +[Sidenote: THE DUSTING LADY] + +_Don't_ be discouraged if you can't find anything in the right place +after the _dusting lady_ has put things in order. It's a _way they +have_. + +[Sidenote: YOUR ROOM] + +_Don't_ neglect taste in your room. How do you know but that somebody +may judge you by the way you decorate your study? Presumably, you were +not _raised in a barn_, and there can be no _harm_ in letting the +appearance of your room bear out this as fact. + +[Sidenote: FITTING IT UP] + +_Don't_ try to make a _royal residence_ of your room. Your taste may +alter. A College man's taste often undergoes rapid and violent +revolution _for the better_, within the first year. + +[Sidenote: A WORD ABOUT RUGS] + +_Don't_ think that you must have Turkish rugs. _Generally_, a _Freshman_ +cannot tell the real article when he sees it. The man at the sale may +try to make you believe they'll never wear out. Never mind. You have +only to _get_ them to know what he means. Just get some old, reliable +patterns. There is a secret connected with this. The older and dirtier +they get, the more _Oriental_ they look. You've no idea how much +sweeping this saves. + +[Sidenote: ABOUT BRIC-A-BRAC] + +_Don't_ go in for a lot of fine china, the first term. How can _you_ +tell but that your neighbors or visitors may not care as much for that +sort of thing as you? Remember, that in a room where costly china lies +about in profusion, a "rough-house" may be a more expensive variety of +entertainment than Grand Opera _with seats for the family_. + +[Sidenote: ABOUT DECORATIONS] + +_Don't_ get angry if a Senior comes into your room and looks about and +smiles. Probably, he's only remembering that _he_ once decorated his +room the way you now do yours. Just _keep your eyes open_ when you go +into older fellows' rooms. You'll soon learn that two crossed college +flags, a vile plaster copy of the Venus de Milo, and a copy of the Barye +Lion as _sole_ decorations may be lived down,--or later _pulled down_. +If you wish to be _exceptionally_ original, don't go in for either the +flags or the casts. Yet, in following years, these things may become +good old friends to remind you that _you_ were _once_ a Freshman. + +[Sidenote: ABOUT FURNITURE] + +_Don't_ overdo with respect to _furniture_, even if you can afford it; +it _may_ make some of your visitors uncomfortable. If you _can't_ afford +it, you'll be made uncomfortable yourself. + +[Sidenote: THE COLLEGE COLOR] + +_Don't_ mistake the _color_ of your College. A good many Freshmen do +this;--it is especially pathetic, by the way, to see a Freshman waving a +flag which is _off-color_ at a big game. Sometimes the mistake is +attributed to color-blindness. This is a charitable interpretation. + +[Sidenote: ABOUT THAT STUDY-DESK] + +_Don't_ buy a roll-top desk or an iron safe during your first year. You +know, you may not care to occupy one room _all through College_. We +heard of one house having to be torn down, that a Freshman might move +out with his roll-top desk. Not only this, but when he failed to find +another place, a house had to be built up around his cumbersome +furniture. It was a case of this or his _rooming in the desk_. + +[Illustration: DONT OVERDO THE _DECORATION_ OF YOUR ROOM] + +[Sidenote: GETTING ON] + +_Don't_ think that you have fairly _got on_ to things while the tray of +your trunk is still _unpacked_. + +[Sidenote: TAKING A HAZING] + +_Don't_ look too sober if hazing happens to be in vogue, and the +Sophomores order you about. Remember that you can make the affair either +a _funeral_ or a _farce_; and it's pleasanter to be the leading man in a +farce than to be the principal at a funeral. The best way to get along +with Sophomores is to take them good-naturedly. Don't be nauseatingly +saccharine, for that's _just_ about as bad as getting mad about it. Just +fool them into thinking you're _enjoying_ yourself, and they'll stop. + +[Sidenote: A TRICK ABOUT RECEIVING VISITORS] + +_Don't_ neglect to _receive_ your _visitors_ as if you were glad to see +them. This is not encouraging hypocrisy, inasmuch as the recommendation +_need not include_ the laundryman or the tailor's collector. You +couldn't fool _them_, anyway. It is not polite, when visitors come, +always to be found with a green shade over your eyes. When a visitor +calls, look as if you had just been waiting for some one to talk to. If +you improve your time _between_ visitors, they ought not to cause you to +waste any valuable time. + +[Sidenote: MUSICAL TEMPERANCE] + +_Don't_ play the piano at all hours. Have a regular time for practice; +then your neighbors may _protect_ themselves. If you play the violin or +the trumpet, _don't overdo it_; you are tempting Fate. + +[Sidenote: THE PROCTOR] + +_Don't_ incur the anger of your Proctor by noisy conduct or disrespect. +Proctors--especially young ones--are apt to feel their oats and to +report you on slight provocation. But a friendly Proctor is a friend +worth having. + + + + +AS TO DRESS + + +[Sidenote: VARSITY AND PREP-SCHOOL FASHIONS] + +DON'T wear your Prep-school hat-band, or flash your High-school +Fraternity pin upon your almost manly chest. These are stock +idiosyncrasies of the _Freshman_. Just remember that _School_ fashions +do _not_ prevail at _College_. + +[Sidenote: THE "SPORTY" DRESSER] + +_Don't_ dress too "sporty," during the first term. The effects you try +to imitate at _this_ period of the game are apt to be only the +superficial and amusing ones. + +[Sidenote: A SHORT WORD ABOUT LONG HAIR] + +_Don't_ wear _long_ hair. Hair, if left to grow as it listeth, may +attain to a surprising length within a single season. The Freshman year +is _not_ the time to test the accuracy of this statement. Wait till you +are a Sophomore; then you won't care to. Remember that long hair is the +_Poet's_ privilege (though _not_ always _proof_ of a Poet). To wear long +hair, you had better take out a Poet's license. In this respect a +_dog-license_ will do if you fail to qualify as Poet. + +[Sidenote: WHISKERS AND SUCH] + +_Don't_ feel it _incumbent_ upon you to wear a _beard_ or a _moustache_, +if you happen to have raised one on the farm or in England, during the +summer. Whiskers are the _plus sign_ of _masculinity_. Upper-classmen do +not appreciate them in Freshmen. + +[Sidenote: ABOUT THOSE SPARKLERS] + +_Don't_ wear too much _jewelry_; as an _over-amount_ of it suggests +trips to places where they _loan money_. + +[Sidenote: HORSY ORNAMENTS] + +_Don't_ affect stick-pins bearing large horses' heads or horseshoes, +thinking these will demonstrate that you _keep a gig_. The horsy +ornament connotes the coachman's white tie and the odor of the _stable_. + +[Illustration: DONT DRESS TOO SPORTY] + +[Sidenote: THAT CANE] + +_Don't_ carry a _cane_ in your Freshman year; something is _very_ likely +to happen to it. + +[Sidenote: THAT TALL HAT] + +_Don't_ be found displaying a _tall hat_. A tall hat is a mighty nice +thing for Sister's wedding _at home_; but better _leave_ it there. Its +dignity is liable to fade, like the glory that was Greece and the +grandeur that was Rome. It was only because those nations got _too +chesty_, you remember, that the Vandals of old worried them. + +[Sidenote: CRAZY MEN--CRAZY CLOTHES] + +_Don't_ think that crazy or odd clothes are necessarily "College" +clothes. Lots of College men _do_ wear crazy clothes; but it isn't so +much because they're College men, as because they're _crazy_. + +[Sidenote: SANE DRESS] + +_Don't_ forget to dress neatly and up to your means. You owe it to +yourself to dress as _well_ as you can. I don't mean that owing this to +_yourself_ should necessitate your continually owing something to your +_tailor_. You do not _owe_ it to yourself to _owe anybody_. + + + + +AS TO DINING + + +[Sidenote: YOUR DINING PLACE] + +DON'T begin by resorting habitually to the Quick Lunch. Nobody ever made +_friends_ at a Quick Lunch, except with the waitresses. Select a good +place where there are lots of fellows whom you will see continually. You +ought to pick out some good friends from among them. + +[Sidenote: YOUR TABLE] + +_Don't_ attempt, in a large dining hall, to get a place at a society, +club, or athletic table for which you have _not yet qualified_. You are +liable to _queer yourself_ from the start. + +[Sidenote: TABLE TALK] + +_Don't_ try continually to air the sum of _knowledge_ which you are +just assimilating. There are _few_ things more pathetic than the +first-year chemist who keeps asking you at table to "pass the NaCl," or +the fledgling psychologist who would try to prove that bread-and-butter +is matter for _the mind_ and not for _the stomach_. + +[Sidenote: LOCAL EGOTISM] + +_Don't_ keep telling how they do things in that part of the country +which _you_ come from. The assumption is, that since you came to +College, you are willing to _learn something_ of how they do things +here. + +[Sidenote: LISTENING TO OTHERS] + +_Don't monopolize the conversation_ at the table, especially if there +are older men around. You'll get yourself snubbed if you talk _too_ much +about _yourself_. Fellows don't care much whether your grandfather kept +a brake and ten horses, or drove a "shay" over the _plank-road_. Be a +good listener. Then, too, older men _like_ to be listened to. The +chances are you will learn a _sight_ more by hearing them than they will +by hearing _you_. + +[Illustration: DONT MONOPOLIZE THE _CONVERSATION_ AT THE TABLE] + +[Sidenote: KNOCKING THE GRUB] + +_Don't_ continually _find fault_ with the things you have to eat. Act as +if you were used _to eating away from home_. Half the time the jokes you +make at the expense of the food come merely from an uncontrollable +desire to air your wit. "Knocking the grub" doesn't require _half_ so +much brains or individuality as _shutting up_ about it. + + + + +AS TO LECTURES AND STUDIES + + +[Sidenote: ATTENDANCE AT LECTURES] + +DON'T forget to attend a _large per cent._ of your lectures. The +information dispensed in lectures is _often_ to be found _invaluable_ in +passing the Examinations. + +[Sidenote: CHOOSING COURSES] + +_Don't_ let yourself be mesmerized into taking a lot of things you feel +a positive _disinclination_ for. Many a Freshman has spoiled his first +year in this way; and, failing to pass, has left _College_ and become a +street-car conductor or a clerk. + +[Sidenote: "SNAP" COURSES] + +_Don't_ mistake the willingness to accept a "snap" course for a +_startling aptitude_ for a subject. + +[Sidenote: ELECTIVE SYSTEM] + +_Don't_ abuse the _Elective System_ if you are privileged to be at a +College where it is employed. It is a system which presupposes your own +_interest_ in your _intellectual welfare_. It is too easy to fill up +with a lot of unrelated subjects. You may say, "But I desire a broad +education." Very good. Did you ever go to a circus? There the prettiest +feats are performed upon the broad, spacious back of _one_ horse. The +rider gets the broadest-backed critter he can find that will keep +moving. Those who ride two and three horses _take a risk_. In College +you may find that when you try to do the _intellectual split_, you're +liable to _fall down between_ your horses. + +[Sidenote: ABOUT MEETING PROFESSORS] + +_Don't_ neglect any honest opportunities you may have to make friends +with an Instructor or a Professor. Meeting Teachers represents a +privilege and _not always_ necessarily a pull. As for knowing +Professors intimately, few do, except other Professors. As for their +knowing _us_ intimately, it might seem as if this seldom happens, until +it comes time to expel us. + +[Sidenote: MALINGERING] + +_Don't_ try to fool the College Doctor into believing that you can't go +to lectures, or are going to die, because you've sprained your left +thumb. Generally, the College Doctor is a shrewd man, or he would _not_ +be the College Doctor. + +[Sidenote: ABOUT REQUIRED READING] + +_Don't_ fail to make a list of the _required reading_ in any course. And +do _some_ of it--say, a little more than will enable you merely to pass +the Exam. It is barely possible that the reading you have done in +connection with your College courses will some day prove you an +_educated man_. As for doing _all_ the reading that _all_ the +Professors require--well, a fellow _must_ sleep and eat. + +[Sidenote: WORKING FOR EXAMS] + +_Don't_ think that _Exams_ can be passed without any preparation. It +takes _some_. The _minimum_ has not yet been determined; nor has the +_maximum_. The _middlemum_ has even been known to vary, according as the +instructor imagines that the crowd _is_ or _is not_ taking the course as +a snap. The _little birdies_ are _surely_ in league with the Faculty. + +[Sidenote: INTELLECTUAL NARCOTICS] + +_Don't_ rely upon _special tutors_ to pass all your courses. It's lazy +and not entirely self-respecting. When our friend Gulliver went to +Laputa, he met certain Teachers who gave their pupils small intellectual +wafers. These they swallowed upon _empty stomachs_. As the wafers +digested, the tincture mounted to the pupil's brain, bearing the +proposition along with it. The same system of cramming exists today; +only it _doesn't always work as advertised_. A fellow resorts to special +tutors when he has lost confidence, and needs an _intellectual +narcotic_. Special tutors represent the drug-capsule of learning. _Why_ +be a _dope-fiend_? + +[Sidenote: IN THE EXAMS] + +_Don't_ try in your _Exams_ to make a hit by writing long papers. The +_Exam_ is _not_ an endurance contest. Somehow, long papers don't take, +unless there is _some sense_ in everything you have written. If you +don't believe this, _try it and find out_. + +[Sidenote: PREDIGESTED INFORMATION] + +_Don't_ rely wholly upon _typewritten notes_ to get through your +courses. Many College Professors show no quarter to those whom they +ascertain to be addicted to this predigested form of information. Often +the Professor's life-specialty is the tracing of literary works to their +_sources_; so be careful. Better take notes in lectures; if this serve +no other purpose, 'twill keep you _awake_. + +[Sidenote: PUTTING OFF WORK] + +_Don't_ put off that long piece of _written work_ till the night before +it is due. A piece of work about which you have been warned months +beforehand, can't be done between 8 p.m. and 3 a.m. Here "_rush +orders_," contrary to the rule, spoil. If you come up to the scratch as +you should, in the matter of long pieces of written work, the Instructor +will almost forget how _dog-goned lazy_ you have been all along in the +little things. + +[Sidenote: IDLING] + +_Don't idle_ away time to such an extent that you get a reputation as an +idler, either among your friends, or with the members of the Faculty. +You'll find such a reputation hard to _live down_. Notwithstanding the +fact that everybody is _supposed_ to come by a love of Learning in +College, there are some things which the Faculty will _not_ take for +granted. With the Faculty, the chronic idler will find that his name is +_anathema_, or _Dennis_ at least. + +[Sidenote: THE DESCENT TO AVERNUS] + +_Don't_ fail to keep in mind the flight of steps which represents the +_descent_ from the plane of regular work. It goes something like this: +_work_, _slack work_, _probation_, _special probation_, then, "I am +sorry to inform you that the Faculty has decided that you are no longer +needed to ornament the College," etc. After which, it is the +greased-slide, _down and out_, so to speak. In other words, you are +about to feel the thrill of Academic life along your keel for the last +time. _Facilis descensus Averni_: Avernus being the cold, cold world, +and the bother of having to explain to one's relations and friends in +the home town _how it all happened_. + +[Illustration: DONT FAIL TO KEEP IN MIND THE STEPS OF _DESCENT_] + +[Sidenote: THE COLLEGE OFFICE] + +_Don't_ show disrespect or contempt for the _College Dean_, or for the +retinue within his gates. Once you "queer" yourself with the _College +Office_, you are on dangerous footing, and the _College Degree_ you seek +is no longer seen to be "constant as the _northern star_." Keep the +Degree in mind; _hitch your wagon_ to it. But don't get _too_ ambitious +in the way of Degrees. We once heard of a fellow who was called up and +given the _Third Degree_ by the Faculty, without ever being graduated. + + + + +AS TO COLLEGE ORGANIZATIONS AND FRIENDS + + +[Sidenote: TRYING FOR THINGS] + +DON'T hesitate to go out for _any teams_ or _papers_ or _musical clubs_ +which you think you'd like to make. The mere _trying for things_ shows +you're not a _dead one_. If you are good enough, you'll find these +things mean more than you ever had thought they could; if you fail to +make them, you'll never regret having tried. As you grow older, you will +see that you _never_ could have done certain things you thought you +could, and you'll have a first-rate opinion of your former self and your +ambition. + +[Sidenote: SORTING OUT YOUR INTERESTS] + +_Don't_ be surprised or disappointed, if you find you have neither time +nor inclination to keep up with everything you thought you would, when +first coming to College. Your interests naturally needed a _sorting +out_. + +[Sidenote: ONE WAY _NOT_ TO MAKE A TEAM] + +_Don't_ think that offering suggestions to an athletic _Coach_ is the +way to _make a team_. And don't answer back if the _Coach_ speaks +harshly to you; be thankful for _any_ of his attention, even if it be +gruff. With some Coaches, swearing is more than a liberal art; many +think that the oftener they send their men to _Hell_ during practice, +the surer they are of sending them to _Victory_ in the contest. + +[Sidenote: ABOUT SOCIAL CLUBS] + +_Don't_, for Heaven's sake, ask people how one ought to go about getting +into _Social clubs_. It isn't considered polite. Just _why_, I can't +tell you; but you'll _learn why_, some day, if you are the _right +sort_. + +[Sidenote: ACQUAINTANCES AND FRIENDS] + +_Don't_ hesitate to accept all chances for _making friends_, especially +among your Class. Don't think that you can always control the making of +friends; you _can't_. Friends are _Heaven-sent_. Hold the ones you make, +and count yourself lucky if you make half a dozen _very_ good friends +your first year. There is a difference between _acquaintances_ and +_friends_, by the way, just as there is a difference between fellows to +whom you'd casually offer a cigarette and those to whom you'd gladly +offer your pocket-book. + +[Sidenote: USELESS PREJUDICE] + +_Don't_ rely too much on _prejudice_ in deciding what certain fellows +may or may not be good for. You _may or may not_ be right. _Your_ +standard may or may not be the only small stone on the seashore. + +[Illustration: DONT ANSWER BACK IF THE COACH _SPEAKS HARSHLY_ TO YOU] + +[Sidenote: ABOUT VISITING] + +_Don't_ invite everybody you meet to your room. It doesn't pay. But make +a point of _accepting_ as many invitations as possible which come from +men you like. Visit any upper-classman who takes the trouble to offer +you his hospitality. It may help you to _get on_, later. + +[Sidenote: THAT HAND-SHAKE] + +_Don't_ shake hands like a clam. The _flipper-shake_ is not popular, and +may make you distrusted. You'll need a good _hand-shake_ all through +College. + +[Sidenote: THE WOMAN QUESTION: THE QUESTIONABLE] + +_Don't_ be one of those who continually pick up anything on the street +that wears a bonnet and high heels. There are lots of girls who are +willing, at any time, to be seen with a College man. _The varieties +differ_. Some are genuinely pretty; others wear the deliberate as +distinguished from the natural complexion, being perhaps not so well +preserved as carefully preserved. Maybe you think it is great fun to +take a partner into the small hotel dining-room with an +"I-do-this-every-evening" kind of air. But you _may_ find out, after +smoking your brandy and drinking your cigarettes, that it _isn't_ +pleasant to be played for a "_good thing_." + +[Sidenote: THE UNQUESTIONABLE] + +_Don't_, however, neglect any opportunity to meet ladies of your own +station. You are _sure_ to require their society from time to time. The +Monastic life is not profitable for a man at College. The _purr of +pretty women_ and the occasional exchange of _amicable nothings_ will +preserve your social soul and keep the little _blood-pumping organ_ in +good condition. + +[Sidenote: THE ART OF SHUTTING UP] + +_Don't_ hesitate to hear other people's opinions. The World did not +begin, nor will it end, with _you_. + +[Sidenote: WHERE SUCCESS FAILS] + +_Don't strut_ or _look patronizing_, if you happen to have success; it +makes people feel sorry for you. + +[Sidenote: THE LITTLE THINGS] + +_Don't_ forget the _little_ things; fellows notice them. Some will even +judge you by the way you give or receive a match or cigarette. + +[Sidenote: SUMMING UP THE CLUB PROBLEM] + +_Don't_ imagine that your entire success in College will be finally +measured by the number of Clubs you make during your first year. Always +remember, that it is the standing of the ones you identify yourself with +which counts. Don't join _any_ final Club or Society until you _feel +pretty sure_ you could not do _better_. + + + + +AS TO THINGS IN GENERAL + + +[Sidenote: SAVING AND WASTING] + +DON'T expect to lay up a bank account by what you save from living +inside your allowance. There are lots of unexpected things coming up +which cost money. Only be careful and choose the things that seem +necessary. You can't _save_ much money; but you don't have to _waste_ a +cent to live and be a gentleman. + +[Sidenote: WRITING HOME] + +_Don't_ forget to _write home_ once every so often. Mama and Papa are +always glad to see the College-town postmark; and, like as not, Papa is +paying your way through College. Think how you'd feel, if he forgot, +sometimes, to send that _check_! + +[Sidenote: WHEN FATHER COMES TO TOWN] + +_Don't_ treat _Father_ or _Uncle John_ shabbily if one of them happens +in town unexpectedly. Maybe _you'll_ have a son or a nephew in the old +place one day; and then _you'll_ like to take a run out, once in a +while, and see how things are getting on. + +[Sidenote: SHOWING OFF AT HOME] + +_Don't_ swagger when you go _home_ for your first Thanksgiving or +Christmas vacation. It doesn't make your friends envious of you. It's +apt to make them _sore_. + +[Sidenote: RUNNING BILLS] + +_Don't_ think that because you can charge things at almost any store in +the College Town, it is your duty to have your name on the books of +_every_ firm. You don't need to back _every_ enterprise; besides, most +every firm has a habit of rendering monthly bills, and a few of these +make even a _fair allowance_ look washed out and _faded_. + +[Sidenote: THAT AUTOMOBILE] + +_Don't_ think that it is your Father's duty to present you with an +_automobile_. In Father's day, it was _possible_ for a boy to go through +College without one of these things. Remember that it cost a few pence +to repair them and run them;--or rather run them and then repair them; +and Father's twenty years in business have taught him a _few_ things. +Many a father would as soon buy his son an auto, but is not willing to +_endow_ one. + +[Sidenote: ABOUT PAWNING YOUR WATCH] + +_Don't_ pawn your watch or sleeve-links during your first year. This +privilege is limited to upper-classmen who do Society. A pawn-ticket is +a _very_ compromising thing if found by some of your close relatives. +You don't know what it is? It is a thin slip of paper somewhat +resembling a check; only it weighs _more heavily on the mind_. No matter +_how_ funny a story you make at home of pawning your Grandfather's +watch, the heads of the family _never_ see the joke. When you rake in +the price of exchange for your pawned watch, it seems just like +_finding_ money, _but_ when you pay it back out of a slim allowance at +the end of the month, it seems like _losing_ the same amount, _plus_. + +[Illustration: DONT PAWN YOUR WATCH DURING YOUR FIRST YEAR] + +[Sidenote: GETTING HOOKED ON] + +_Don't_ buy _cigars_ in _wholesale_ quantities from mysterious-looking +foreigners, who say they have just done a neat little job of smuggling +from Havana, and are willing to let you in on a _good_ thing. They may +even flatter you by telling you that _you_ look trustworthy. They really +mean that you look easy. It's _your_ move. + +[Sidenote: BEGGARS] + +_Don't_ give money to able-bodied beggars. Some may even speak good +French or German. If you happen to be taking French or German, you will +imagine that _you_ are the _only_ one in the world who can help them. +But don't yield. As for crippled or blind and deaf beggars, help them +now and then. You don't have to listen to their reminiscences of _Life +in a Saw-mill_ to do this, unless you care for that sort of thing. + +[Sidenote: QUESTIONS OF CONSCIENCE--YOUR OWN BUSINESS] + +_Don't_ kill your _conscience_ in regard to matters which you have been +brought up to see in certain definite lights. If you think playing cards +for money and the drinking of beer wrong, then _don't_ play and _don't_ +indulge. You'll never be thought less of in College for hanging on to +principle. Just be sure that your principles are _worth_ sticking up +for, and then _stick_. A wise old Englishman puts it this way: "Obey +your conscience; but just be _sure_ that your conscience is not that of +an _ass_." + +[Illustration: THE 52 PASTEBOARDS] + +_Don't_ get into the _little game_ too often. Under certain conditions +it's as easy as rolling off the decalogue. Sometimes you get in because +you're afraid others will think you are afraid to play. This is really +not courage. A word more: when you're in, often the time when you +_think_ you can't afford to stop is just the time when you _can_ best +afford it. Take this advice; it is better than that of _R. E. Morse_. + +[Sidenote: SPENDING MONEY] + +_Don't_ keep _spending money_ for a lot of things that you would hardly +care to itemize in the account you send to Father. Remember how he said, +"I'll keep you decently, only I don't want College to make only a sport +of my boy." Sometimes, when you are pressed, you think of asking Father +to lend you money to be _paid back_ with interest, when you get _older_. +Don't be surprised if he refuses and asks, "_Where's_ your collateral?" +Remember that the Business World, hunting about for something to which +to attach its respect and admiration, does _not_ single out the +_Undergraduate_ in _College_. + +[Sidenote: EARNING MONEY] + +_Don't_ be ashamed of chances to _earn money_ in College, if you need +it. More fellows earn their way through College than you have any idea +of. College men have _lots_ of respect for a fellow who isn't ashamed to +_work_. + +[Sidenote: THE DEAD GAME ACT] + +_Don't_ be a Sport or a Snob. Either is fatal. The _dead game act_ plays +itself out sooner than those who work it suppose, and serves oftener to +_point a weakness_ than _adorn a virtue_. + +[Sidenote: IMITATING] + +_Don't imitate_ the manner of some one else. When you try to be _like +some one else_, you only succeed in being _unlike yourself_. People +don't expect or want you to be like them. + +[Sidenote: THE FANCY INCOME POSE] + +_Don't_ pretend that you have a _fancy income_, if you haven't. It's a +cheap, expensive pose. Lots of fellows get money regularly from home. +All they have to do, it would seem, is to rip open letters and sign +their names on the back of what falls out. If you _aren't_ in this +class, don't _pretend_ you are. It isn't _how much_ money you've got, +but _how you make what you've got do_, that shows you up a good one. + +[Sidenote: THAT BANK ACCOUNT] + +_Don't_ fail to keep one eye on that _bank account_. It _slowly_ and +_surely_ dwindles. It needs watching especially, about the time the elms +put on their new leaves, and the undergraduates their new flannel +trousers. To end the year with an over-drawn bank account is risky. No +fellow can afford to have his _credit_ go _below_ par. + +[Sidenote: EXERCISE] + +_Don't_ neglect the _health_ habit. Substitute the tennis racquet for +the cigarette, one of these days, and note the _difference_. It may +make you feel like a _King_ in the _pink_ of condition; after which +you'll probably try it again, which won't hurt you a bit. + +[Sidenote: JOKES] + +_Don't_ repeat _all_ the _jokes_ that come into your head. Avoid +especially jokes that may be old. Many a fellow's popularity may hinge +on the fact that he'll _listen_ to a funny story without insisting on +telling another that isn't _quite_ so funny. + +[Sidenote: SHOWING OFF] + +_Don't_, if you are from a large well-to-do Preparatory School, talk too +much about it, or think that the College must be run on the _same plan_ +as your school. Your views may not be _appreciated_. + +[Sidenote: SWAGGERING] + +_Don't_ aspire to be taken for an upper-classman by cultivating a walk +or a _swagger_ or an _air_. You can work this _so_ hard, that finally +you are the only one deceived. + +[Sidenote: ROWDYISM] + +_Don't_ be rowdyish, or _get the reputation_ of being a drunken fellow. +The _real_ fun you get out of _College_ need not be a continual round of +batting. + +[Sidenote: ABOUT BEING SNUBBED] + +_Don't_ think it is always entirely the _other_ man's fault if he fails +to speak to you. If you have not the ability to make an impression worth +another's remembering, _look to yourself_. + +[Sidenote: COLLEGE HABITS] + +_Don't_ be a _fool_. This is the sum and the substance of all that +herein precedes. A fellow shows himself a fool or not a fool by his +_habits_. _College habits_ are funny things. The sooner you form your +College habits the _better_,--or _worse_. To put off the sensible +resolve till the time of your last exam may be as useless as the call of +the _doctor_ after the _minister_ has left. + +[Sidenote: ABOUT BEING THE ASS] + +_Don't_ imagine for a moment that coming to _College_ enables you to +act in a superior way to others who have not enjoyed the same privilege. +A _College_ career is a grand, good thing; but its _object_ is to enable +you, if possible, better to _understand_ the World, not to _lift_ you at +all above it. The World hates a fool; but a _College-bred fool_, it +thoroughly despises. Don't let your ears grow long, and don't bray. + +[Sidenote: ABOUT BEING A GENTLEMAN] + +_Don't_ imagine that the _College Catalogue_, or even _this book_, can +tell you _all_ the things you need to know concerning how to make a man +of yourself. After all, its really _up to you_. Look about, and be a +gentleman. You say, "But these few remarks hardly _begin_ to solve the +problem." And echo answers, "_VERBUM SAP_." + + + + + HERE ENDS THE COLLEGE FRESHMAN'S DON'T BOOK BY G. F. E. (A. B.) + A SYMPATHIZER. DECORATIONS AND INITIALS BY RAYMOND CARTER + ILLUSTRATIONS BY CHARLES FRANK INGERSON PUBLISHED BY PAUL ELDER + & COMPANY AND PRINTED FOR THEM BY THE TOMOYE PRESS UNDER THE + DIRECTION OF J. H. NASH IN THE CITY OF SAN FRANCISCO DURING THE + MONTH OF MAY AND YEAR NINETEEN HUNDRED & TEN + + * * * * * + +Transcriber's Notes: + +All of the illustration captions omit the apostrophe in the word +"DON'T." This was retained. All other punctuation was corrected if +wrong. + +Page 9, "you" changed to "your" (your trunk is still) + +Page 19, repeated word "to" deleted from text. Original read (liable to +_to fall down..._) + +Page 29, "varities" changed to "varieties" (The varieties differ) + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The College Freshman's Don't Book, by +George Fullerton Evans + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 42467 *** |