diff options
| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:23:11 -0700 |
|---|---|---|
| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:23:11 -0700 |
| commit | 91254bf1b01db5aa71152306a4d843a454347342 (patch) | |
| tree | c3d388665783ab154c0b36b93c4eee068d5c5271 /old | |
Diffstat (limited to 'old')
| -rw-r--r-- | old/4275-h.zip.20080301 | bin | 0 -> 357253 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/gruth10.txt | 17898 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/gruth10.zip | bin | 0 -> 350474 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/gruth11.txt | 17899 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/gruth11.zip | bin | 0 -> 350438 bytes |
5 files changed, 35797 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/old/4275-h.zip.20080301 b/old/4275-h.zip.20080301 Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..8304530 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/4275-h.zip.20080301 diff --git a/old/gruth10.txt b/old/gruth10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a90f2e3 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/gruth10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17898 @@ +The Project Gutenberg Etext of Ruth +by Elizabeth Cleghorn Gaskell +(#13 in our series by Elizabeth Cleghorn Gaskell) + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the +copyright laws for your country before distributing this or any other +Project Gutenberg file. + +We encourage you to keep this file, exactly as it is, on your +own disk, thereby keeping an electronic path open for future +readers. Please do not remove this. + +This header should be the first thing seen when anyone starts to +view the etext. Do not change or edit it without written permission. +The words are carefully chosen to provide users with the +information they need to understand what they may and may not +do with the etext. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These Etexts Are Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** + +Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get etexts, and +further information, is included below. We need your donations. + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a 501(c)(3) +organization with EIN [Employee Identification Number] 64-6221541 + + + +Title: Ruth + +Author: Elizabeth Cleghorn Gaskell + +Release Date: July, 2003 [Etext #4275] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on December 26, 2001] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +The Project Gutenberg Etext of Ruth +by Elizabeth Cleghorn Gaskell +******This file should be named gruth10.txt or gruth10.zip****** + +Corrected EDITIONS of our etexts get a new NUMBER, gruth11.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, gruth10a.txt + +This etext was produced by Charles Aldarondo. + +Project Gutenberg Etexts are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we usually do not +keep etexts in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +We are now trying to release all our etexts one year in advance +of the official release dates, leaving time for better editing. +Please be encouraged to tell us about any error or corrections, +even years after the official publication date. + +Please note neither this listing nor its contents are final til +midnight of the last day of the month of any such announcement. +The official release date of all Project Gutenberg Etexts is at +Midnight, Central Time, of the last day of the stated month. A +preliminary version may often be posted for suggestion, comment +and editing by those who wish to do so. + +Most people start at our sites at: +http://gutenberg.net or +http://promo.net/pg + +These Web sites include award-winning information about Project +Gutenberg, including how to donate, how to help produce our new +etexts, and how to subscribe to our email newsletter (free!). + + +Those of you who want to download any Etext before announcement +can get to them as follows, and just download by date. This is +also a good way to get them instantly upon announcement, as the +indexes our cataloguers produce obviously take a while after an +announcement goes out in the Project Gutenberg Newsletter. + +http://www.ibiblio.org/gutenberg/etext03 or +ftp://ftp.ibiblio.org/pub/docs/books/gutenberg/etext03 + +Or /etext02, 01, 00, 99, 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, 91 or 90 + +Just search by the first five letters of the filename you want, +as it appears in our Newsletters. + + +Information about Project Gutenberg (one page) + +We produce about two million dollars for each hour we work. The +time it takes us, a rather conservative estimate, is fifty hours +to get any etext selected, entered, proofread, edited, copyright +searched and analyzed, the copyright letters written, etc. Our +projected audience is one hundred million readers. If the value +per text is nominally estimated at one dollar then we produce $2 +million dollars per hour in 2001 as we release over 50 new Etext +files per month, or 500 more Etexts in 2000 for a total of 4000+ +If they reach just 1-2% of the world's population then the total +should reach over 300 billion Etexts given away by year's end. + +The Goal of Project Gutenberg is to Give Away One Trillion Etext +Files by December 31, 2001. [10,000 x 100,000,000 = 1 Trillion] +This is ten thousand titles each to one hundred million readers, +which is only about 4% of the present number of computer users. + +At our revised rates of production, we will reach only one-third +of that goal by the end of 2001, or about 4,000 Etexts. We need +funding, as well as continued efforts by volunteers, to maintain +or increase our production and reach our goals. + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation has been created +to secure a future for Project Gutenberg into the next millennium. + +We need your donations more than ever! + +As of November, 2001, contributions are being solicited from people +and organizations in: Alabama, Arkansas, Connecticut, Delaware, +Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, +Louisiana, Maine, Michigan, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New +Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Oregon, +Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, +Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, +and Wyoming. + +*In Progress + +We have filed in about 45 states now, but these are the only ones +that have responded. + +As the requirements for other states are met, additions to this list +will be made and fund raising will begin in the additional states. +Please feel free to ask to check the status of your state. + +In answer to various questions we have received on this: + +We are constantly working on finishing the paperwork to legally +request donations in all 50 states. If your state is not listed and +you would like to know if we have added it since the list you have, +just ask. + +While we cannot solicit donations from people in states where we are +not yet registered, we know of no prohibition against accepting +donations from donors in these states who approach us with an offer to +donate. + +International donations are accepted, but we don't know ANYTHING about +how to make them tax-deductible, or even if they CAN be made +deductible, and don't have the staff to handle it even if there are +ways. + +All donations should be made to: + +Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +PMB 113 +1739 University Ave. +Oxford, MS 38655-4109 + +Contact us if you want to arrange for a wire transfer or payment +method other than by check or money order. + + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation has been approved by +the US Internal Revenue Service as a 501(c)(3) organization with EIN +[Employee Identification Number] 64-622154. Donations are +tax-deductible to the maximum extent permitted by law. As fundraising +requirements for other states are met, additions to this list will be +made and fundraising will begin in the additional states. + +We need your donations more than ever! + +You can get up to date donation information at: + +http://www.gutenberg.net/donation.html + + +*** + +If you can't reach Project Gutenberg, +you can always email directly to: + +Michael S. Hart <hart@pobox.com> + +Prof. Hart will answer or forward your message. + +We would prefer to send you information by email. + + +**The Legal Small Print** + + +(Three Pages) + +***START**THE SMALL PRINT!**FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS**START*** +Why is this "Small Print!" statement here? You know: lawyers. +They tell us you might sue us if there is something wrong with +your copy of this etext, even if you got it for free from +someone other than us, and even if what's wrong is not our +fault. So, among other things, this "Small Print!" statement +disclaims most of our liability to you. It also tells you how +you may distribute copies of this etext if you want to. + +*BEFORE!* YOU USE OR READ THIS ETEXT +By using or reading any part of this PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm +etext, you indicate that you understand, agree to and accept +this "Small Print!" statement. If you do not, you can receive +a refund of the money (if any) you paid for this etext by +sending a request within 30 days of receiving it to the person +you got it from. If you received this etext on a physical +medium (such as a disk), you must return it with your request. + +ABOUT PROJECT GUTENBERG-TM ETEXTS +This PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext, like most PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etexts, +is a "public domain" work distributed by Professor Michael S. Hart +through the Project Gutenberg Association (the "Project"). +Among other things, this means that no one owns a United States copyright +on or for this work, so the Project (and you!) can copy and +distribute it in the United States without permission and +without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth +below, apply if you wish to copy and distribute this etext +under the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark. + +Please do not use the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark to market +any commercial products without permission. + +To create these etexts, the Project expends considerable +efforts to identify, transcribe and proofread public domain +works. Despite these efforts, the Project's etexts and any +medium they may be on may contain "Defects". Among other +things, Defects may take the form of incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other +intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged +disk or other etext medium, a computer virus, or computer +codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment. + +LIMITED WARRANTY; DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES +But for the "Right of Replacement or Refund" described below, +[1] Michael Hart and the Foundation (and any other party you may +receive this etext from as a PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext) disclaims +all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including +legal fees, and [2] YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE OR +UNDER STRICT LIABILITY, OR FOR BREACH OF WARRANTY OR CONTRACT, +INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE +OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE +POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. + +If you discover a Defect in this etext within 90 days of +receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) +you paid for it by sending an explanatory note within that +time to the person you received it from. If you received it +on a physical medium, you must return it with your note, and +such person may choose to alternatively give you a replacement +copy. If you received it electronically, such person may +choose to alternatively give you a second opportunity to +receive it electronically. + +THIS ETEXT IS OTHERWISE PROVIDED TO YOU "AS-IS". NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, ARE MADE TO YOU AS +TO THE ETEXT OR ANY MEDIUM IT MAY BE ON, INCLUDING BUT NOT +LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A +PARTICULAR PURPOSE. + +Some states do not allow disclaimers of implied warranties or +the exclusion or limitation of consequential damages, so the +above disclaimers and exclusions may not apply to you, and you +may have other legal rights. + +INDEMNITY +You will indemnify and hold Michael Hart, the Foundation, +and its trustees and agents, and any volunteers associated +with the production and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm +texts harmless, from all liability, cost and expense, including +legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the +following that you do or cause: [1] distribution of this etext, +[2] alteration, modification, or addition to the etext, +or [3] any Defect. + +DISTRIBUTION UNDER "PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm" +You may distribute copies of this etext electronically, or by +disk, book or any other medium if you either delete this +"Small Print!" and all other references to Project Gutenberg, +or: + +[1] Only give exact copies of it. Among other things, this + requires that you do not remove, alter or modify the + etext or this "small print!" statement. You may however, + if you wish, distribute this etext in machine readable + binary, compressed, mark-up, or proprietary form, + including any form resulting from conversion by word + processing or hypertext software, but only so long as + *EITHER*: + + [*] The etext, when displayed, is clearly readable, and + does *not* contain characters other than those + intended by the author of the work, although tilde + (~), asterisk (*) and underline (_) characters may + be used to convey punctuation intended by the + author, and additional characters may be used to + indicate hypertext links; OR + + [*] The etext may be readily converted by the reader at + no expense into plain ASCII, EBCDIC or equivalent + form by the program that displays the etext (as is + the case, for instance, with most word processors); + OR + + [*] You provide, or agree to also provide on request at + no additional cost, fee or expense, a copy of the + etext in its original plain ASCII form (or in EBCDIC + or other equivalent proprietary form). + +[2] Honor the etext refund and replacement provisions of this + "Small Print!" statement. + +[3] Pay a trademark license fee to the Foundation of 20% of the + gross profits you derive calculated using the method you + already use to calculate your applicable taxes. If you + don't derive profits, no royalty is due. Royalties are + payable to "Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation" + the 60 days following each date you prepare (or were + legally required to prepare) your annual (or equivalent + periodic) tax return. Please contact us beforehand to + let us know your plans and to work out the details. + +WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO? +Project Gutenberg is dedicated to increasing the number of +public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed +in machine readable form. + +The Project gratefully accepts contributions of money, time, +public domain materials, or royalty free copyright licenses. +Money should be paid to the: +"Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +If you are interested in contributing scanning equipment or +software or other items, please contact Michael Hart at: +hart@pobox.com + +[Portions of this header are copyright (C) 2001 by Michael S. Hart +and may be reprinted only when these Etexts are free of all fees.] +[Project Gutenberg is a TradeMark and may not be used in any sales +of Project Gutenberg Etexts or other materials be they hardware or +software or any other related product without express permission.] + +*END THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.10/04/01*END* + + + + +This etext was produced by Charles Aldarondo. + + + + +ELIZABETH GASKELL +RUTH + + +CHAPTER I + + +THE DRESSMAKER'S APPRENTICE AT WORK + +There is an assize-town in one of the eastern counties which was +much distinguished by the Tudor Sovereigns, and, in consequence +of their favour and protection, attained a degree of importance +that surprises the modern traveller. + +A hundred years ago its appearance was that of picturesque +grandeur. The old houses, which were the temporary residences of +such of the county families as contented themselves with the +gaieties of a provincial town, crowded the streets, and gave them +the irregular but noble appearance yet to be seen in the cities +of Belgium. The sides of the streets had a quaint richness, from +the effect of the gables, and the stacks of chimneys which cut +against the blue sky above; while, if the eye fell lower down, +the attention was arrested by all kinds of projections in the +shape of balcony and oriel; and it was amusing to see the +infinite variety of windows that had been crammed into the walls +long before Mr. Pitt's days of taxation. The streets below +suffered from all these projections and advanced stories above; +they were dark, and ill-paved with large, round, jolting pebbles, +and with no side-path protected by kerb-stones; there were no +lamp-posts for long winter nights; and no regard was paid to the +wants of the middle class, who neither drove about in coaches of +their own, nor were carried by their own men in their own sedans +into the very halls of their friends. The professional men and +their wives, the shopkeepers and their spouses, and all such +people, walked about at considerable peril both night and day. +The broad, unwieldy carriages hemmed them up against the houses +in the narrow streets. The inhospitable houses projected their +flights of steps almost into the carriage-way, forcing +pedestrians again into the danger they had avoided for twenty or +thirty paces. Then, at night, the only light was derived from the +glaring, flaring oil-lamps, hung above the doors of the more +aristocratic mansions; just allowing space for the passers-by to +become visible, before they again disappeared into the darkness, +where it was no uncommon thing for robbers to be in waiting for +their prey. + +The traditions of those bygone times, even to the smallest social +particular, enable one to understand more clearly the +circumstances which contributed to the formation of character. +The daily life into which people are born, and into which they +are absorbed before they are well aware, forms chains which only +one in a hundred has moral strength enough to despise, and to +break when the right time comes--when an inward necessity for +independent individual action arises, which is superior to all +outward conventionalities. Therefore, it is well to know what +were the chains of dally domestic habit, which were the natural +leading strings of our forefathers before they learnt to go +alone. + +The picturesqueness of those ancient streets has departed now. +The Astleys, the Dunstans, the Waverhams--names of power in that +district--go up duly to London in the season, and have Sold their +residences in the county town fifty years ago, or more. And when +the county town lost its attraction for the Astleys, the +Dunstans, the Waverhams, how could it be supposed that the +Domvilles, the Bextons, and the Wildes would continue to go and +winter there in their second-rate houses, and with their +increased expenditure? So the grand old houses stood empty +awhile; and then speculators ventured to purchase, and to turn +the deserted mansions into many smaller dwellings, fitted for +professional men, or even (bend your ear lower, lest the shade of +Marmaduke, first Baron Waverham, hear) into shops! + +Even that was not so very bad, compared with the next innovation +on the old glories. The shopkeepers found out that the once +fashionable street was dark, and that the dingy light did not +show off their goods to advantage; the surgeon could not see to +draw his patients' teeth; the lawyer had to ring for candles an +hour earlier than he was accustomed to do when living in a more +plebeian street. In short, by mutual consent, the whole front of +one side of the street was pulled down, and rebuilt in the flat, +mean, unrelieved style of George the Third. The body of the +houses was too solidly grand to submit to alteration; so people +were occasionally surprised, after passing through a +commonplace-looking shop, to find themselves at the foot of a +grand carved oaken staircase, lighted by a window of stained +glass, storied all over with armorial bearings. Up such a +stair--past such a window (through which the moonlight fell on +her with a glory of many colours)--Ruth Hilton passed wearily one +January night, now many years ago. I call it night; but, strictly +speaking, it was morning. Two o'clock in the morning chimed forth +the old bells of St. Saviour's. And yet, more than a dozen girls +still sat in the room into which Ruth entered, stitching away as +if for very life, not daring to gape, or show any outward +manifestation of sleepiness. They only sighed a little when Ruth +told Mrs. Mason the hour of the night, as the result of her +errand; for they knew that, stay up as late as they might, the +work-hours of the next day must begin at eight, and their young +limbs were very weary. + +Mrs. Mason worked away as hard as any of them; but she was older +and tougher; and, besides, the gains were hers. But even she +perceived that some rest was needed. "Young ladies! there will be +an interval allowed of half-an-hour. Ring the bell, Miss Sutton. +Martha shall bring you up some bread, and cheese, and beer. You +will be so good as to eat it standing--away from the dresses--and +to have your hands washed ready for work when I return. In +half-an-hour," said she once more, very distinctly; and then she +left the room. + +It was curious to watch the young girls as they instantaneously +availed themselves of Mrs. Mason's absence. One fat, particularly +heavy-looking damsel laid her head on her folded arms and was +asleep in a moment; refusing to be wakened for her share in the +frugal supper, but springing up with a frightened look at the +sound of Mrs. Mason's returning footstep, even while it was still +far off on the echoing stairs. Two or three others huddled over +the scanty fireplace, which, with every possible economy of +space, and no attempt whatever at anything of grace or ornament, +was inserted in the slight, flat-looking wall, that had been run +up by the present owner of the property to portion off this +division of the grand old drawing-room of the mansion. Some +employed the time in eating their bread and cheese, with as +measured and incessant a motion of the jaws (and almost as +stupidly placid an expression of countenance), as you may see in +cows ruminating in the first meadow you happen to pass. + +Some held up admiringly the beautiful ball-dress in progress, +while others examined the effect, backing from the object to be +criticised in the true artistic manner. Others stretched +themselves into all sorts of postures to relieve the weary +muscles; one or two gave vent to all the yawns, coughs, and +sneezes that bad been pent up so long in the presence of Mrs. +Mason. But Ruth Hilton sprang to the large old window, and +pressed against it as a bird presses against the bars of its +cage. She put back the blind, and gazed into the quiet moonlight +night. It was doubly light--almost as much so as day--for +everything was covered with the deep snow which had been falling +silently ever since the evening before. The window was in a +square recess; the old strange little panes of glass had been +replaced by those which gave more light. A little distance off, +the feathery branches of a larch waved softly to and fro in the +scarcely perceptible night-breeze. Poor old larch! the time had +been when it had stood in a pleasant lawn, with the tender grass +creeping caressingly up its very trunk; but now the lawn was +divided into yards and squalid back premises, and the larch was +pent up and girded about with flagstones. The snow lay thick on +its boughs, and now and then fell noiselessly down. The old +stables had been added to, and altered into a dismal street of +mean-looking houses, back to back with the ancient mansions. And +over all these changes from grandeur to squalor, bent down the +purple heavens with their unchanging splendour! + +Ruth pressed her hot forehead against the cold glass, and +strained her aching eyes in gazing out on the lovely sky of a +winter's night. The impulse was strong upon her to snatch up a +shawl, and, wrapping it round her head, to sally forth and enjoy +the glory; and time was when that impulse would have been +instantly followed; but now, Ruth's eyes filled with tears, and +she stood quite still dreaming of the days that were gone. Some +one touched her shoulder while her thoughts were far away, +remembering past January nights, which had resembled this, and +were yet so different. + +"Ruth, love," whispered a girl, who had unwillingly distinguished +herself by a long hard fit of coughing, "come and have some +supper. You don't know yet how it helps one through the night." + +"One run--one blow of the fresh air would do me more good," said +Ruth. + +"Not such a night as this," replied the other, shivering at the +very thought. + +"And why not such a night as this, Jenny?" answered Ruth. "Oh! at +home I have many a time run up the lane all the way to the mill, +just to see the icicles hang on the great wheel; and, when I was +once out, I could hardly find in my heart to come m, even to +mother, sitting by the fire;--even to mother," she added, in a +low, melancholy tone, which had something of inexpressible +sadness in it. "Why, Jenny!" said she, rousing herself, but not +before her eyes were swimming in tears, "own, now, that you never +saw those dismal, hateful, tumble-down old houses there look half +so--what shall I call them? almost beautiful--as they do now, +with that soft, pure, exquisite covering; and if they are so +improved, think of what trees, and grass, and ivy must be on such +a night as this." + +Jenny could not be persuaded into admiring the winter's night, +which to her came only as a cold and dismal time, when her cough +was more troublesome, and the pain in her side worse than usual. +But she put her arm round Ruth's neck, and stood by her, glad +that the orphan apprentice, who was not yet inured to the +hardship of a dressmaker's workroom, should find so much to give +her pleasure in such a common occurrence as a frosty night. + +They remained deep in separate trains of thought till Mrs. +Mason's step was heard, when each returned supperless, but +refreshed, to her seat. + +Ruth's place was the coldest and the darkest in the room, +although she liked it the best; she had instinctively chosen it +for the sake of the wall opposite to her, on which was a remnant +of the beauty of the old drawing-room, which must once have been +magnificent, to judge from the faded specimen left. It was +divided into panels of pale sea-green, picked out with white and +gold; and on these panels were painted--were thrown with the +careless, triumphant hand of a master--the most lovely wreaths of +flowers, profuse and luxuriant beyond description, and so +real-looking, that you could almost fancy you smelt their +fragrance, and heard the south wind go softly rustling in and out +among the crimson roses--the branches of purple and white +lilac--the floating golden-tressed laburnum boughs. Besides +these, there were stately white lilies, sacred to the +Virgin--hollyhocks, fraxinella, monk's-hood, pansies, primroses; +every flower which blooms profusely in charming old-fashioned +country gardens was there, depicted among its graceful foliage, +but not in the wild disorder in which I have enumerated them. At +the bottom of the panel lay a holly branch, whose stiff +straightness was ornamented by a twining drapery of English ivy, +and mistletoe, and winter aconite; while down either side hung +pendent garlands of spring and autumn flowers; and, crowning all, +carne gorgeous summer with the sweet musk-roses, and the +rich-coloured flowers of June and July. + +Surely Monnoyer, or whoever the dead-and-gone artist might be, +would have been gratified to know the pleasure his handiwork, +even in its wane, had power to give to the heavy heart of a young +girl; for they conjured up visions of other sister-flowers that +grew, and blossomed, and withered away in her early home. Mrs. +Mason was particularly desirous that her workwomen should exert +themselves to-night, for, on the next, the annual hunt-ball was +to take place. It was the one gaiety of the town since the +assize-balls had been discontinued. Many were the dresses she had +promised should be sent home "without fail" the next morning; she +had not let one slip through her fingers, for fear, if it did, it +might fall into the hands of the rival dressmaker, who had just +established herself in the very same street. + +She determined to administer a gentle stimulant to the flagging +spirits, and with a little preliminary cough to attract +attention, she began-- + +"I may as well inform you, young ladies, that I have been +requested this year, as on previous occasions, to allow some of +my young people to attend in the antechamber of the assembly-room +with sandal ribbon, pins, and such little matters, and to be +ready to repair any accidental injury to the ladies' dresses. I +shall send four--of the most diligent." She laid a marked +emphasis on the last words, but without much effect; they were +too sleepy to care for any of the pomps and vanities, or, indeed, +for any of the comforts of this world, excepting one sole +thing--their beds. + +Mrs. Mason was a very worthy woman, but, like many other worthy +women, she had her foibles; and one (very natural to her calling) +was to pay an extreme regard to appearances. Accordingly, she had +already selected in her own mind the four girls who were most +likely to do credit to the "establishment;" and these were +secretly determined upon, although it was very well to promise +the reward to the most diligent. She was really not aware of the +falseness of this conduct; being an adept in that species of +sophistry with which people persuade themselves that what they +wish to do is right. + +At last there was no resisting the evidence of weariness. They +were told to go to bed; but even that welcome command was +languidly obeyed. Slowly they folded up their work, heavily they +moved about, until at length all was put away, and they trooped +up the wide, dark staircase. + +"Oh! how shall I get through five years of these terrible nights! +in that close room! and in that oppressive stillness! which lets +every sound of the thread be heard as it goes eternally backwards +and forwards," sobbed out Ruth, as she threw herself on her bed, +without even undressing herself. + +"Nay, Ruth, you know it won't be always as it has been to-night. +We often get to bed by ten o'clock, and by-and-by you won't mind +the closeness of the room. You're worn-out to-night, or you would +not have minded the sound of the needle; I never hear it. Come, +let me unfasten you," said Jenny. + +"What is the use of undressing? We must be up again and at work +in three hours." + +"And in those three hours you may get a great deal of rest, if +you will but undress yourself and fairly go to bed. Come, love." + +Jenny's advice was not resisted; but before Ruth went to sleep +she said-- + +"Oh! I wish I was not so cross and impatient. I don't think I +used to be." + +"No, I am sure not. Most new girls get impatient at first; but it +goes off, and they don't care much for anything after a while. +Poor child! she's asleep already," said Jenny to herself. + +She could not sleep or rest. The tightness at her side was worse +than usual. She almost thought she ought to mention it in her +letters home; but then she remembered the premium her father had +struggled hard to pay, and the large family, younger than +herself, that had to be cared for, and she determined to bear on, +and trust that, when the warm weather came, both the pain and the +cough would go away. She would be prudent about herself. + +What was the matter with Ruth? She was crying in her sleep as if +her heart would break. Such agitated slumber could be no rest; so +Jenny wakened her. + +"Ruth! Ruth!" + +"Oh, Jenny!" said Ruth, sitting up in bed, and pushing back the +masses of hair that were heating her forehead, "I thought I saw +mamma by the side of the bed, coming as she used to do, to see if +I were asleep and comfortable; and when I tried to take hold of +her, she went away and left me alone--I don't know where; so +strange!" + +"It was only a dream; you know you'd been talking about her to +me, and you're feverish with sitting up late. Go to sleep again, +and I'll watch, and waken you if you seem uneasy." + +"But you'll be so tired. Oh, dear! dear!" Ruth was asleep again, +even while she sighed. + +Morning came, and though their rest had been short, the girls +arose refreshed. + +"Miss Sutton, Miss Jennings, Miss Booth, and Miss Hilton, you +will see that you are ready to accompany me to the shire-hall by +eight o'clock." + +One or two of the girls looked astonished, but the majority, +having anticipated the selection, and knowing from experience the +unexpressed rule by which it was made, received it with the +sullen indifference which had become their feeling with regard to +most events--a deadened sense of life, consequent upon their +unnatural mode of existence, their sedentary days, and their +frequent nights of late watching. + +But to Ruth it was inexplicable. She had yawned, and loitered, +and looked off at the beautiful panel, and lost herself in +thoughts of home, until she fully expected the reprimand which at +any other time she would have been sure to receive, and now, to +her surprise, she was singled out as one of the most diligent! + +Much as she longed for the delight of seeing the noble +shire-hall--the boast of the county--and of catching glimpses of +the dancers, and hearing the band; much as she longed for some +variety to the dull, monotonous life she was leading, she could +not feel happy to accept a privilege, granted, as she believed, +in ignorance of the real state of the case; so she startled her +companions by rising abruptly and going up to Mrs. Mason, who was +finishing a dress which ought to have been sent home two hours +before-- + +"If you please, Mrs. Mason, I was not one of the most diligent; I +am afraid--I believe--I was not diligent at all. I was very +tired; and I could not help thinking, and, when I think, I can't +attend to my work." She stopped, believing she had sufficiently +explained her meaning; but Mrs. Mason would not understand, and +did not wish for any further elucidation. + +"Well, my dear, you must learn to think and work, too; or, if you +can't do both, you must leave off thinking. Your guardian, you +know, expects you to make great progress in your business, and I +am sure you won't disappoint him." + +But that was not to the point. Ruth stood still an instant, +although Mrs. Mason resumed her employment in a manner which any +one but a "new girl" would have known to be intelligible enough, +that she did not wish for any more conversation just then. + +"But as I was not diligent I ought not to go, ma'am. Miss Wood +was far more industrious than I, and many of the others." + +"Tiresome girl!" muttered Mrs. Mason; "I've half a mind to keep +her at home for plaguing me so." But, looking up, she was struck +afresh with the remarkable beauty which Ruth possessed; such a +credit to the house, with her waving outline of figure, her +striking face, with dark eyebrows and dark lashes, combined with +auburn hair and a fair complexion. No I diligent or idle, Ruth +Hilton must appear to-night. + +"Miss Hilton," said Mrs. Mason, with stiff dignity "I am not +accustomed (as these young ladies can tell you) to have my +decisions questioned. What I say, I mean; and I have my reasons. +So sit down, if you please, and take care and be ready by eight. +Not a word more," as she fancied she saw Ruth again about to +speak. + +"Jenny, you ought to have gone, not me," said Ruth, in no low +voice to Miss Wood, as she sat down by her. + +"Hush! Ruth. I could not go if I might, because of my cough. I +would rather give it up to you than any one if it were mine to +give. And suppose it is, then take the pleasure as my present, +and tell me every bit about it when you come home to-night." + +"Well! I shall take it in that way, and not as if I'd earned it, +which I haven't. So thank you. You can't think how I shall enjoy +it now. I did work diligently for five minutes last night, after +I heard of it; I wanted to go so much. But I could not keep it +up. Oh, dear! and I shall really hear a band! and see the inside +of that beautiful shire-hall!" + + +CHAPTER II + + +BUTH GOES TO THE SHIRE-HALL + +In due time that evening, Mrs. Mason collected her "young ladies" +for an inspection of their appearance before proceeding to the +shire-hall. Her eager, important, hurried manner of summoning +them was not unlike that of a hen clucking her chickens together; +and, to judge from the close investigation they had to undergo, +it might have been thought that their part in the evening's +performance was to be far more important than that of temporary +ladies'-maids. + +"Is that your best frock, Miss Hilton?" asked Mrs. Mason, in a +half-dissatisfied tone, turning Ruth about; for it was only her +Sunday black silk, and was somewhat worn and shabby. + +"Yes, ma'am," answered Ruth quietly. + +"Oh! indeed. Then it will do" (still the half-satisfied tone). +"Dress, young ladies, you know, is a very secondary +consideration. Conduct is everything. Still, Miss Hilton, I think +you should write and ask your guardian to send you some money for +another gown. I am sorry I did not think of it before. + +"I do not think he would send any if I wrote," answered Ruth, in +a low voice. + +"He was angry when I wanted a shawl, when the cold weather set +in." + +Mrs. Mason gave her a little push of dismissal, and Ruth fell +into the ranks by her friend, Miss Wood. + +"Never mind, Ruthie; you're prettier than any of them," said a +merry, good-natured girl, whose plainness excluded her from any +of the envy of rivalry. + +"Yes; I know I am pretty," said Ruth sadly; "but I am sorry I +have no better gown, for this is very shabby. I am ashamed of it +myself, and I can see Mrs. Mason is twice as much ashamed. I wish +I need not go. I did not know we should have to think about our +own dress at all, or I should not have wished to go." + +"Never mind, Ruth," said Jenny, "you've been looked at now, and +Mrs. Mason will soon be too busy to think about you and your +gown." + +"Did you hear Ruth Hilton say she knew she was pretty?" whispered +one girl to another, so loudly that Ruth caught the words. + +"I could not help knowing," answered she simply, "for many people +have told me so." + +At length these preliminaries were over, and they were walking +briskly through the frosty air; the free motion was so +inspiriting that Ruth almost danced along, and quite forgot all +about shabby gowns and grumbling guardians. The shire-hall was +even more striking than she had expected. The sides of the +staircase were painted with figures that showed ghostly in the +dim light, for only their faces looked out of the dark, dingy +canvas, with a strange fixed stare of expression. + +The young milliners had to arrange their wares on tables in the +ante-room, and make all ready before they could venture to peep +into the hall-room, where the musicians were already tuning their +instruments, and where one or two charwomen (strange contrast, +with their dirty, loose attire, and their incessant chatter, to +the grand echoes of the vaulted room!) were completing the +dusting of benches and chairs. + +They quitted the place as Ruth and her companions entered. They +had talked lightly and merrily in the ante-room, but now their +voices were hushed, awed by the old magnificence of the vast +apartment. It was so large that objects showed dim at the further +end, as through a mist. Full-length figures of county worthies +hung around, in all varieties of costume, from the days of +Holbein to the present time. The lofty roof was indistinct, for +the lamps were not fully lighted yet; while through the +richly-painted Gothic window at one end the moonbeams fell, +many-tinted, on the floor, and mocked with their vividness the +struggles of the artificial light to illuminate its little +sphere. + +High above sounded the musicians, fitfully trying some strain of +which they were not certain. Then they stopped playing, and +talked, and their voices sounded goblin-like in their dark +recess, where candles were carried about in an uncertain wavering +manner, reminding Ruth of the flickering zig-zag motion of the +will-o'-the-wisp. + +Suddenly the room sprang into the full blaze of light, and Ruth +felt less impressed with its appearance, and more willing to obey +Mrs. Mason's sharp summons to her wandering flock, than she had +been when it was dim and mysterious. They had presently enough to +do in rendering offices of assistance to the ladies who thronged +in, and whose voices drowned all the muffled sound of the band +Ruth had longed so much to hear. Still, if one pleasure was less, +another was greater than she had anticipated. + +"On condition" of such a number of little observances that Ruth +thought Mrs. Mason would never have ended enumerating them, they +were allowed during the dances to stand at a side-door and watch. +And what a beautiful sight it was! Floating away to that bounding +music--now far away, like garlands of fairies, now near, and +showing as lovely women, with every ornament of graceful +dress--the elite of the county danced on, little caring whose +eyes gazed and were dazzled. Outside all was cold, and +colourless, and uniform,--one coating of snow over all. But +inside it was warm, and glowing, and vivid; flowers scented the +air, and wreathed the head, and rested on the bosom, as if it +were midsummer. Bright colours flashed on the eye and were gone, +and succeeded by others as lovely in the rapid movement of the +dance. Smiles dimpled every face, and low tones of happiness +murmured indistinctly through the room in every pause of the +music. + +Ruth did not care to separate figures that formed a joyous and +brilliant whole; it was enough to gaze, and dream of the happy +smoothness of the lives in which such music, and such profusion +of flowers, of jewels, elegance of every description, and beauty +of all shapes and hues, were everyday things. She did not want to +know who the people were; although to hear a catalogue of names +seemed to be the great delight of most of her companions. + +In fact, the enumeration rather disturbed her; and, to avoid the +shock of too rapid a descent into the commonplace world of Miss +Smiths and Mr. Thomsons, she returned to her post in the +ante-room. There she stood, thinking or dreaming. She was +startled back to actual life by a voice close to her. One of the +dancing young ladies had met with a misfortune. Her dress, of +some gossamer material, had been looped up by nosegays of +flowers, and one of these had fallen off in the dance, leaving +her gown to trail. To repair this, she had begged her partner to +bring her to the room where the assistants should have been. None +were there but Ruth. + +"Shall I leave you?" asked the gentleman. "Is my absence +necessary?" + +"Oh, no!" replied the lady; "a few stitches will set all to +rights. Besides, I dare not enter that room by myself." So far +she spoke sweetly and prettily. But now she addressed Ruth. "Make +haste--don't keep me an hour!" And her voice became cold and +authoritative. + +She was very pretty, with long dark ringlets and sparkling black +eyes. These had struck Ruth in the hasty glance she had taken, +before she knelt down to her task. She also saw that the +gentleman was young and elegant. + +"Oh, that lovely galop! how I long to dance to it! Will it never +be done? What a frightful time you are taking; and I'm dying to +return in time for this galop!" By way of showing a pretty, +childlike impatience, she began to beat time with her feet to the +spirited air the band was playing. Ruth could not darn the rent +in her dress with this continual motion, and she looked up to +remonstrate. As she threw her head back for this purpose, she +caught the eye of the gentleman who was standing by; it was so +expressive of amusement at the airs and graces of his pretty +partner, that Ruth was infected by the feeling, and had to bend +her face down to conceal the smile that mantled there. But not +before he had seen it; and not before his attention had been +thereby drawn to consider the kneeling figure, that, habited in +black up to the throat, with the noble head bent down to the +occupation in which she was engaged, formed such a contrast to +the flippant, bright, artificial girl, who sat to be served with +an air as haughty as a queen on her throne. + +"Oh, Mr. Bellingham! I'm ashamed to detain you so long. I had no +idea any one could have spent So much time over a little tear No +wonder Mrs. Mason charges so much for dressmaking, if her +workwomen are so slow." + +It was meant to be witty, but Mr. Bellingham looked grave. He saw +the scarlet colour of annoyance flush to that beautiful cheek, +which was partially presented to him. He took a candle from the +table, and held it so that Ruth had more light. She did not look +up to thank him, for she felt ashamed that he should have seen +the smile which she had caught from him. + +"I am sorry I have been so long, ma'am," said she gently, as she +finished her work; "I was afraid it might tear out again if I did +not do it carefully." She rose. + +"I would rather have had it torn than have missed that charming +galop," said the young lady, shaking out her dress as a bird +shakes its plumage. "Shall we go, Mr. Bellingham?" looking up at +him. + +He was surprised that she gave no word or sign of thanks to the +assistant. He took up a camellia that some one had left on the +table. + +"Allow me, Miss Duncombe, to give this, in your name, to this +young lady, as thanks for her dexterous help." + +"Oh, of course," said she. + +Ruth received the flower silently, but with a grave, modest +motion of her head. They had gone, and she was once more alone. +Presently her companions returned. + +"What was the matter with Miss Duncombe? Did she come here?" +asked they. + +"Only her lace dress was torn, and I mended it," answered Ruth +quickly. + +"Did Mr. Bellingham come with her?--they say he's going to be +married to her. Did he come, Ruth?" + +"Yes," said Ruth, and relapsed into silence. + +Mr. Bellingham danced on gaily and merrily through the night, and +fitted with Miss Duncombe as he thought good. But he looked often +to the side-door where the milliner's apprentices stood; and once +he recognised the tall, slight figure, and the rich auburn hair +of the girl in black; and then his eye sought for the camellia. +It was there, snowy white in her bosom. And he danced on more +gaily than ever. + +The cold grey dawn was drearily lighting up the streets when Mrs. +Mason and her company returned home. The lamps were extinguished, +yet the shutters of the shops and dwelling-houses were not +opened. All sounds had an echo unheard by day. One or two +houseless beggars sat on doorsteps, and shivering, slept with +heads bowed on their knees, or resting against the cold hard +support afforded by the wall. + +Ruth felt as if a dream had melted away, and she were once more +in the actual world. How long it would be, even in the most +favourable chance, before she should again enter the shire-hall, +or hear a band of music, or even see again those bright, happy +people--as much without any semblance of care or woe as if they +belonged to another race of beings! Had they ever to deny +themselves a wish, much less a want? Literally and figuratively +their lives seemed to wander through flowery pleasure-paths. Here +was cold, biting, mid-winter for her, and such as her--for those +poor beggars almost a season of death; but to Miss Duncombe and +her companions, a happy, merry time--when flowers still bloomed, +and fires crackled, and comforts and luxuries were piled around +them like fairy gifts. What did they know of the meaning of the +word, so terrific to the poor? What was winter to them? But Ruth +fancied that Mr. Bellingham looked as if he could understand the +feelings of those removed from him by circumstance and station. +He had drawn up the windows of his carriage, it is true, with a +shudder. + +Ruth, then, had been watching him. + +Yet she had no idea that any association made her camellia +precious to her. She believed it was solely on account of its +exquisite beauty that she tended it so carefully. She told Jenny +every particular of its presentation, with open, straight-looking +eye, and without the deepening of a shade of colour. + +"Was it not kind of him? You can't think how nicely he did it, +just when I was a little bit mortified by her ungracious ways." + +"It was very nice, indeed," replied Jenny. "Such a beautiful +flower! I wish it had some scent." + +"I wish it to be exactly as it is--it is perfect. So pure!" said +Ruth, almost clasping her treasure as she placed it in water. +"Who is Mr. Bellingham?" + +"He is son to that Mrs. Bellingham of the Priory, for whom we +made the grey satin pelisse," answered Jenny sleepily. + +"That was before my time," said Ruth. But there was no answer. +Jenny was asleep. + +It was long before Ruth followed her example. Even on a winter +day, it was clear morning light that fell upon her face as she +smiled in her slumber. Jenny would not waken her, but watched her +face with admiration; it was So lovely in its happiness. + +"She is dreaming of last night," thought Jenny. + +It was true she was; but one figure flitted more than all the +rest through her visions. He presented flower after flower to her +in that baseless morning dream, which was all too quickly ended. +The night before she had seen her dead mother in her sleep, and +she wakened weeping. And now she dreamed of Mr. Bellingham, and +smiled. + +And yet, was this a more evil dream than the other? + +The realities of life seemed to cut more sharply against her +heart than usual that morning. The late hours of the preceding +nights, and perhaps the excitement of the evening before, had +indisposed her to bear calmly the rubs and crosses which beset +all Mrs. Mason's young ladies at times. + +For Mrs. Mason, though the first dressmaker in the county, was +human after all; and suffered, like her apprentices, from the +same causes that affected them. This morning she was disposed to +find fault with everything, and everybody. She seemed to have +risen with the determination of putting the world and all that it +contained (her world, at least) to rights before night; and +abuses and negligences, which had long passed unreproved, or +winked at, were to-day to be dragged to light, and sharply +reprimanded. Nothing less than perfection would satisfy Mrs. +Mason at such times. + +She had her ideas of justice, too; but they were not divinely +beautiful and true ideas; they were something more resembling a +grocer's or tea-dealer's ideas of equal right. A little +over-indulgence last night was to be balanced by a good deal of +over-severity to-day; and this manner of rectifying previous +errors fully satisfied her conscience. + +Ruth was not inclined for, or capable of, much extra exertion; +and it would have tasked all her powers to have pleased her +superior. The work-room seemed filled with sharp calls. "Miss +Hilton! where have you put the blue Persian? Whenever things are +mislaid, I know it has been Miss Hilton's evening for siding +away!" + +"Miss Hilton was going out last night, so I offered to ear the +work-room for her. I will find it directly, ma'am," answered one +of the girls. + +"Oh, I am well aware of Miss Hilton's custom of shuffling off her +duties upon any one who can be induced to relieve her," replied +Mrs. Mason. + +Ruth reddened, and tears sprang to her eyes; but she was so +conscious of the falsity of the accusation, that she rebuked +herself for being moved by it, and, raising her head, gave a +proud look round, as if in appeal to her companions. + +"Where is the skirt of Lady Farnham's dress? The flounces not put +on! I am surprised! May I ask to whom this work was entrusted +yesterday?" inquired Mrs. Mason, fixing her eyes on Ruth. + +"I was to have done it, but I made a mistake, and had to undo it. +I am very sorry." + +"I might have guessed, certainly. There is little difficulty, to +be sure, in discovering, when work has been neglected or spoilt, +into whose hands it has fallen." + +Such were the speeches which fell to Ruth's share on this day of +all days, when she was least fitted to bear them with equanimity. + +In the afternoon it was necessary for Mrs Mason to go a few miles +into the country. She left injunctions, and orders, and +directions, and prohibitions without end; but at last she was +gone, and, in the relief of her absence, Ruth laid her arms on +the table, and, burying her head, began to cry aloud, with weak, +unchecked sobs. + +"Don't cry, Miss Hilton,"--"Ruthie, never mind the old +dragon,"--"How will you bear on for five years, if you don't +spirit yourself up not to care a straw for what she says?"--were +some of the modes of comfort and sympathy administered by the +young workwomen. + +Jenny, with a wiser insight into the grievance and its remedy, +said-- + +"Suppose Ruth goes. out instead of you, Fanny Barton, to do the +errands. The fresh air will do her good; and you know you dislike +the cold east winds, while Ruth says she enjoys frost and snow, +and all kinds of shivery weather." + +Fanny Barton was a great sleepy-looking girl, huddling over the +fire. No one so willing as she to relinquish the walk on this +bleak afternoon, when the east wind blew keenly down the street, +drying up the very snow itself. There was no temptation to come +abroad, for those who were not absolutely obliged to leave their +warm rooms; indeed, the dusk hour showed that it was the usual +tea-time for the humble inhabitants of that part of the town +through which Ruth had to pass on her shopping expedition. As she +came to the high ground just above the river, where the street +sloped rapidly down to the bridge, she saw the fiat country +beyond all covered with snow, making the black dome of the +cloud-laden sky appear yet blacker; as if the winter's night had +never fairly gone away, but had hovered on the edge of the world +all through the short bleak day. Down by the bridge (where there +was a little shelving bank, used as a landing-place for any +pleasure-boats that could float on that shallow stream) some +children were playing, and defying the cold; one of them had got +a large washing-tub, and with the use of a broken oar kept +steering and pushing himself hither and thither in the little +creek, much to the admiration of his companions, who stood +gravely looking on, immovable in their attentive observation of +the hero, although their faces were blue with cold, and their +hands crammed deep into their pockets with some faint hope of +finding warmth there. Perhaps they feared that, if they unpacked +themselves from their lumpy attitudes and began to move about, +the cruel wind would find its way into every cranny of their +tattered dress. They were all huddled up, and still; with eyes +intent on the embryo sailor. At last, one little man, envious of +the reputation that his playfellow was acquiring by his daring, +called out-- + +"I'll set thee a craddy, Tom! Thou dar'n't go over yon black line +in the water, out into the real river." + +Of course the challenge was not to be refused; and Tom paddled +away towards the dark line, beyond which the river swept with +smooth, steady current. Ruth (a child in years herself) stood at +the top of the declivity watching the adventurer, but as +unconscious of any danger as the group of children below. At +their playfellow's success, they broke through the calm gravity +of observation into boisterous marks of applause, clapping their +hands, and stamping their impatient little feet, and shouting, +"Well done, Tom; thou hast done it rarely!" + +Tom stood in childish dignity for a moment, facing his admirers; +then, in an instant, his washing-tub boat was whirled round, and +he lost his balance, and fell out; and both he and his beat were +carried away slowly, but surely, by the strong full river which +eternally moved onwards to the sea. + +The children shrieked aloud with terror; and Ruth flew down to +the little bay, and far into its shallow waters, before she felt +how useless such an action was, and that the sensible plan would +have been to seek for efficient help. Hardly had this thought +struck her, when, louder and sharper than the sullen roar of the +stream that was ceaselessly and unrelentingly flowing on, came +the splash of a horse galloping through the water in which she +was standing. Past her like lightning--down in the stream, +swimming along with the current--a stooping rider--an +outstretched grasping arm--a little life redeemed, and a child +saved to those who loved it! Ruth stood dizzy and sick with +emotion while all this took place; and when the rider turned the +swimming horse, and slowly breasted up the river to the +landing-place, she recognised him as the Mr. Bellingham of the +night before. He carried the unconscious child across his horse, +the body hung in so lifeless a manner that Ruth believed it was +dead; and her eyes were suddenly blinded with tears. She waded +back to the beach, to the point towards which Mr. Bellingham was +directing his horse. + +"Is he dead?" asked she, stretching out her arms to receive the +little fellow; for she instinctively felt that the position in +which he hung was not the most conducive to returning +consciousness, if indeed it would ever return. + +"I think not," answered Mr. Bellingham, as he gave the child to +her, before springing off his horse. "Is he your brother? Do you +know who he is?" + +"Look!" said Ruth, who had sat down upon the ground, the better +to prop the poor lad, "his hand twitches! he lives; oh, sir, he +lives! Whose boy is he?" (to the people, who came hurrying and +gathering to the spot at the rumour of an accident). + +"He's old Nelly Brownson's," said they. "Her grandson." + +"We must take him into a house directly," said she. "Is his home +far off?" + +"No, no; it's just close by." + +"One of you go for a doctor at once," said Mr. Bellingham +authoritatively, "and bring him to the old woman's without delay. +You must not hold him any longer," he continued, speaking to +Ruth, and remembering her face now for the first time; "your +dress is dripping wet already. Here! you fellow, take him up, +d'ye see!" But the child's hand had nervously clenched Ruth's +dress, and she would not have him disturbed. She carried her +heavy burden very tenderly towards a mean little cottage +indicated by the neighhours; an old crippled woman was coming out +of the door, shaking all over with agitation. + +"Dear heart!" said she, "he's the last of 'em all, and he's gone +afore me." + +"Nonsense," said Mr. Bellingham, "the boy is alive, and likely to +live." + +But the old woman was helpless and hopeless, and insisted on +believing that her grandson was dead; and dead he would have been +if it had not been for Ruth, and one or two of the more sensible +neighbours, who, under Mr. Bellingham's directions, bustled +about, and did all that was necessary until animation was +restored. + +"What a confounded time those people are in fetching the doctor!" +said Mr. Bellingham to Ruth, between whom and himself a sort of +silent understanding had sprung up from the circumstance of their +having been the only two (besides mere children) who had +witnessed the accident, and also the only two to whom a certain +degree of cultivation had given the power of understanding each +other's thoughts and even each other's words. + +"It takes so much to knock an idea into such stupid people's +heads. They stood gaping and asking which doctor they were to go +for, as if it signified whether it was Brown or Smith, so long as +he had his wits about him. I have no more time to waste here, +either; I was on the gallop when I caught sight of the lad; and, +now he has fairly sobbed and opened his eyes, I see no use in my +staying in this stifling atmosphere. May I trouble you with one +thing? Will you be so good as to see that the little fellow has +all that he wants? If you'll allow me, I'll leave you my purse," +continued he, giving it to Ruth, who was only too glad to have +this power entrusted to her of procuring one or two requisites +which she had perceived to be wanted. But she saw some gold +between the network; she did not like the charge of such riches. + +"I shall not want so much, really, sir. One sovereign will be +plenty--more than enough. May I take that out, and I will give +you back what is left of it when I see you again? or, perhaps, I +had better send it to you, sir. + +"I think you had better keep it all at present. Oh, what a horrid +dirty place this is insufferable two minutes longer. You must not +stay here; you'll be poisoned with this abominable air. Come +towards the door, I beg. Well, if you think one sovereign will he +enough, I will take my purse; only, remember you apply to me if +you think they want more." + +They were standing at the door, where some one was holding Mr. +Bellingham's horse. Ruth was looking at him with her earnest eyes +(Mrs. Mason and her errands quite forgotten in the interest of +the afternoon's event), her whole thoughts bent upon rightly +understanding and following out his wishes for the little boy's +welfare; and until now this had been the first object in his own +mind. But at this moment the strong perception of Ruth's +exceeding beauty came again upon him. He almost lost the sense of +what he was saying, he was so startled with admiration. The night +before, he had not seen her eyes; and now they looked straight +and innocently full at him, grave, earnest, and deep. But when +she instinctively read the change in the expression of his +countenance, she dropped her large white veiling lids; and he +thought her face was lovelier still. The irresistible impulse +seized him to arrange matters, so that he might see her again +before long. + +"No!" said he. "I see it would he better that you should keep the +purse. Many things may be wanted for the lad which we cannot +calculate upon now. If I remember rightly, there are three +sovereigns and some loose change; I shall, perhaps, see you again +in a few days, when, if there he any money left in the purse, you +can restore it to me." + +"Oh, yes, sir," said Ruth, alive to the magnitude of the wants to +which she might have to administer, and yet rather afraid of the +responsibility implied in the possession of so much money. + +"Is there any chance of my meeting you again in this house?" +asked he. + +"I hope to come whenever I can, sir; but I must run in +errand-times, and I don't know when my turn may be." + +"Oh"--he did not fully understand this answer--"I should like to +know how you think the boy is going on, if it is not giving you +too much trouble; do you ever take walks?" + +"Not for walking's sake, sir." + +"Well," said he, "you go to church, I suppose? Mrs. Mason does +not keep you at work on Sundays; I trust?" + +"Oh, no, sir. I go to church regularly." + +"Then, perhaps, you will be so good as to tell me what church you +go to, and I will meet you there next Sunday afternoon?" + +"I go to St. Nicholas', sir. I will take care and bring you word +how the boy is, and what doctor they get; and I will keep an +account of the money I spend." + +"Very well, thank you. Remember, I trust to you." + +He meant that he relied on her promise to meet him; but Ruth +thought that he was referring to the responsibility of doing the +best she could for the child. He was going away, when a fresh +thought struck him, and he turned back into the cottage once +more, and addressed Ruth, with a half smile on his +countenance---- + +"It seems rather strange, but we have no one to introduce us; my +name is Bellingham--yours is"-- + +"Ruth Hilton, sir," she answered, in a low voice, for, now that +the conversation no longer related to the boy, she felt shy and +restrained. + +He held out his hand to shake hers; and, just as she gave it to +him, the old grandmother came tottering up to ask some question. +The interruption jarred upon him, and made him once more keenly +alive to the closeness of the air, and the squalor and dirt by +which he was surrounded. + +"My good woman," said he to Nelly Brownson, "could you not keep +your place a little neater and cleaner? It is more fit for pigs +than human beings. The air in this room is quite offensive, and +the dirt and filth is really disgraceful." By this time he was +mounted, and, bowing to Ruth, he rode away. + +Then the old woman's wrath broke out. + +"Who may you be, that knows no better manners than to come into a +poor woman's house to abuse it?--fit for pigs, indeed! What d'ye +call yon fellow?" + +"He is Mr. Bellingham," said Ruth, shocked at the old woman's +apparent ingratitude. "It was he that rode into the water to save +your grandson. He would have been drowned but for Mr. Bellingham. +I thought once they would both have been swept away by the +current, it was so strong." + +"The river is none so deep, either," the old woman said, anxious +to diminish as much as possible the obligation she was under to +one who had offended her. "Some one else would have saved him, if +this fine young spark had never been here. He's an orphan, and +God watches over orphans, they say. I'd rather it had been any +one else as had picked him out, than one who comes into a poor +body's house only to abuse it." + +"He did not come in only to abuse it," said Ruth gently. "He came +with little Tom; he only said it was not quite so clean as it +might be." + +"What! you're taking up the cry, are you? Wait till you are an +old woman like me, crippled with rheumatiz, and a lad to see +after like Tom, who is always in mud when he isn't in water; and +his food and mine to scrape together (God knows we're often +short, and do the best I can), and water to fetch up that steep +brow." + +She stopped to cough; and Ruth judiciously changed the subject, +and began to consult the old woman as to the wants of her +grandson, in which consultation they were soon assisted by the +medical man. + +When Ruth had made one or two arrangements with a neighbour whom +she asked to procure the most necessary things, and had heard +from the doctor that all would be right in a day or two, she +began to quake at the recollection of the length of time she had +spent at Nelly Brownson's, and to remember, with some affright, +the strict watch kept by Mrs. Mason over her apprentices' +out-goings and in-comings on working-days. She hurried off to the +shops, and tried to recall her wandering thoughts to the +respective merits of pink and blue as a match to lilac, found she +had lost her patterns, and went home with ill-chosen things, and +in a fit of despair at her own stupidity. + +The truth was, that the afternoon's adventure filled her mind; +only the figure of Tom (who was now safe and likely to do well) +was receding into the background, and that of Mr. Bellingham +becoming more prominent than it had been. His spirited and +natural action of galloping into the water to save the child, was +magnified by Ruth into the most heroic deed of daring; his +interest about the boy was tender, thoughtful benevolence in her +eyes, and his careless liberality of money was fine generosity; +for she forgot that generosity implies some degree of +self-denial. She was gratified, too, by the power of dispensing +comfort he had entrusted to her, and was busy with Alnaschar +visions of wise expenditure, when the necessity of opening Mrs. +Mason's house-door summoned her back into actual present life, +and the dread of an immediate scolding. + +For this time, however, she was spared; but spared for such a +reason that she would have been thankful for some blame in +preference to her impunity. During her absence, Jenny's +difficulty of breathing had suddenly become worse, and the girls +had, on their own responsibility, put her to bed, and were +standing round her in dismay, when Mrs. Mason's return home (only +a few minutes before Ruth arrived) fluttered them back into the +workroom. + +And now all was confusion and hurry; a doctor to be sent for; a +mind to be unburdened of directions for a dress to a forewoman, +who was too ill to understand; scoldings to be scattered with no +illiberal hand amongst a group of frightened girls, hardly +sparing the poor invalid herself for her inopportune illness. In +the middle of all this turmoil Ruth crept quietly to her place, +with a heavy saddened heart at the indisposition of the gentle +forewoman. She would gladly have nursed Jenny herself, and often +longed to do it, but she could not be spared. Hands, unskilful in +fine and delicate work, would be well enough qualified to tend +the sick, until the mother arrived from home. Meanwhile, extra +diligence was required in the workroom; and Ruth found no +opportunity of going to see little Tom, or to fulfil the plans +for making him and his grandmother more comfortable, which she +had proposed to herself. She regretted her rash promise to Mr. +Bellingham, of attending to the little boy's welfare; all that +she could do was done by means of Mrs. Mason's servant, through +whom she made inquiries, and sent the necessary help. + +The subject of Jenny's illness was the prominent one in the +house. Ruth told of her own adventure, to be sure; but, when she +was at the very crisis of the boy's fall into the river, the more +fresh and vivid interest of some tidings of Jenny was brought +into the room, and Ruth ceased, almost blaming herself for caring +for anything besides the question of life or death to be decided +in that very house. + +Then a pale, gentle-looking woman was seen moving softly about; +and it was whispered that this was the mother come to nurse her +child. Everybody liked her, she was so sweet-looking, and gave so +little trouble, and seemed so patient, and so thankful, for any +inquiries about her daughter, whose illness it was understood, +although its severity was mitigated, was likely to be long and +tedious. While all the feelings and thoughts relating to Jenny +were predominant, Sunday arrived. Mrs. Mason went the accustomed +visit to her father's, making some little show of apology to Mrs. +Wood for leaving her and her daughter; the apprentices dispersed +to the various friends with whom they were in the habit of +spending the day; and Ruth went to St. Nicholas', with a +sorrowful heart, depressed on account of Jenny, and +self-reproachful at having rashly undertaken what she had been +unable to perform. + +As she came out of church she was joined by Mr. Bellingham. She +had half hoped that he might have forgotten the arrangement, and +yet she wished to relieve herself of her responsibility. She knew +his step behind her, and the contending feelings made her heart +beat hard, and she longed to run away. + +"Miss Hilton, I believe," said he, overtaking her, and bowing +forward, so as to catch a sight of her rose-red face. "How is our +little sailor going on? Well, I trust, from the symptoms the +other day." + +"I believe, sir, he is quite well now. I am very sorry, but I +have not been able to go and see him. I am so sorry--I could not +help it. But I have got one or two things through another person. +I have put them down on this slip of paper; and here is your +purse, sir, for I am afraid I can do nothing more for him. We +have illness in the house, and it makes us very busy." + +Ruth had been so much accustomed to blame of late, that she +almost anticipated some remonstrance or reproach now, for not +having fulfilled her promise better. She little guessed that Mr. +Bellingham was far more busy trying to devise some excuse for +meeting her again, during the silence that succeeded her speech, +than displeased with her for not bringing a more particular +account of the little boy, in whom he had ceased to feel any +interest. + +She repeated, after a minute's pause-- + +"I am very sorry I have done so little, sir." + +"Oh, yes, I am sure you have done all you could. It was +thoughtless in me to add to your engagements." + +"He is displeased with me," thought Ruth, "for what he believes +to have been neglect of the boy, whose life he risked his own to +save. If I told all, he would see that I could not do more; but I +cannot tell him all the sorrows and worries that have taken up my +time." + +"And yet I am tempted to give you another little commission, if +it is not taking up too much of your time, and presuming too much +on your good nature," said he, a bright idea having just struck +him. "Mrs. Mason lives in Heneage Place, does not she? My +mother's ancestors lived there; and once, when the house was +being repaired, she took me in to show me the old place. There +was an old hunting-piece painted on a panel over one of the +chimney-pieces; the figures were portraits of my ancestors. I +have often thought I should like to purchase it, if it still +remained there. Can you ascertain this for me, and bring me word +next Sunday?" + +"Oh, yes, sir," said Ruth, glad that this commission was +completely within her power to execute, and anxious to make up +for her previous seeming neglect. "I'll look directly I get home, +and ask Mrs. Mason to write and let you know." + +"Thank you," said he, only half satisfied; "I think, perhaps, +however, it might be as well not to trouble Mrs. Mason about it +you see it would compromise me, and I am not quite determined to +purchase the picture; if you would ascertain whether the painting +is there, and tell me, I would take a little time to reflect, and +afterwards I could apply to Mrs. Mason myself." + +"Very well, sir; I will see about it." So they parted. + +Before the next Sunday Mrs. Wood had taken her daughter to her +distant home, to recruit in that quiet place. Ruth watched her +down the street from an upper window, and, sighing deep and long, +returned to the workroom, whence the warning voice and gentle +wisdom had departed. + + +CHAPTER III + + +SUNDAY AT MRS. MASON'S + +Mr. Bellingham attended afternoon service at St. Nicholas' church +the next Sunday. His thoughts had been far more occupied by Ruth +than hers by him, although his appearance upon the scene of her +life was more an event to her than it was to him. He was puzzled +by the impression she had produced on him, though he did not in +general analyse the nature of his feelings, but simply enjoyed +them with the delight which youth takes in experiencing new and +strong emotion. He was old compared to Ruth, but young as a man; +hardly three-and-twenty. The fact of his being an only child had +given him, as it does to many, a sort of inequality in those +parts of the character which are usually formed by the number of +years that a person has lived. + +The unevenness of discipline to which only children are +subjected; the thwarting, resulting from over-anxiety; the +indiscreet indulgence, arising from a love centred all in one +object--had been exaggerated in his education, probably from the +circumstance that his mother (his only surviving parent) had been +similarly situated to himself. + +He was already in possession of the comparatively small property +he inherited from his father. The estate on which his mother +lived was her own; and her income gave her the means of indulging +or controlling him, after he had grown to man's estate, as her +wayward disposition and her love of power prompted her. Had he +been double-dealing in his conduct towards her, had he +condescended to humour her in the least, her passionate love for +him would have induced her to strip herself of all her +possessions to add to his dignity or happiness. But although he +felt the warmest affection for her, the regardlessness which she +had taught him (by example, perhaps, more than by precept) of the +feelings of others, was continually prompting him to do things +that she, for the time being, resented as mortal affronts. He +would mimic the clergyman she specially esteemed, even to his +very face; he would refuse to visit her schools for months and +months; and, when wearied into going at last, revenge himself by +puzzling the children with the most ridiculous questions (gravely +put) that he could imagine. + +All these boyish tricks annoyed and irritated her far more than +the accounts which reached her of more serious misdoings at +college and in town. Of these grave offences she never spoke; of +the smaller misdeeds she hardly ever ceased speaking. + +Still, at times, she had great influence over him, and nothing +delighted her more than to exercise it. The submission of his +will to hers was sure to be liberally rewarded; for it gave her +great happiness to extort, from his indifference or his +affection, the concessions which she never sought by force of +reason, or by appeals to principle--concessions which he +frequently withheld, solely for the sake of asserting his +independence of her control. + +She was anxious for him to marry Miss Duncombe. He cared little +or nothing about it--it was time enough to be married ten years +hence; and so he was dawdling through some months of his +life--sometimes flirting with the nothing-loth Miss Duncombe, +sometimes plaguing, and sometimes delighting his mother, at all +times taking care to please himself--when he first saw Ruth +Hilton, and a new, passionate, hearty feeling shot through his +whole being. He did not know why he was so fascinated by her. She +was very beautiful, but he had seen many more ~agaceries~ +calculated to set off the effect of their charms. + +There was, perhaps, something bewitching in the union of the +grace and loveliness of womanhood with the naivete, simplicity, +and innocence of an intelligent child. There was a spell in the +shyness, which made her avoid and shun all admiring approaches to +acquaintance. It would be an exquisite delight to attract and +tame her wildness, just as he had often allured and tamed the +timid fawns in his mother's park. + +By no over-bold admiration, or rash, passionate word, would he +startle her; and, surely, in time she might be induced to look +upon him as a friend, if not something nearer and dearer still. + +In accordance with this determination, he resisted the strong +temptation of walking by her side the whole distance home after +church. He only received the intelligence she brought +respecting the panel with thanks, spoke a few words about the +weather, bowed, and was gone. Ruth believed she should never see +him again; and, in spite of sundry self-upbraidings for her +folly, she could not help feeling as if a shadow were drawn over +her existence for several days to come. + +Mrs. Mason was a widow, and had to struggle for th. sake of the +six or seven children left dependent on her exertions; thus there +was some reason, and great excuse, for the pinching economy which +regulated her household affairs. On Sundays she chose to conclude +that all her apprentices had friends who would be glad to see +them to dinner, and give them a welcome reception for the +remainder of the day; while she, and those of her children who +were not at school, went to spend the day at her father's house, +several miles out of the town. Accordingly, no dinner was cooked +on Sundays for the young workwomen; no fires were lighted in any +rooms to which they had access. On this morning they breakfasted +in Mrs. Mason's own parlour, after which the room was closed +against them through the day by some understood, though unspoken +prohibition. + +What became of such as Ruth, who had no home and no friends in +that large, populous, desolate town? She had hitherto +commissioned the servant, who went to market on Saturdays for the +family, to buy her a bun or biscuit, whereon she made her fasting +dinner in the deserted workroom, sitting in her walking-dress to +keep off the cold, which clung to her in spite of shawl and +bonnet. Then she would sit at the window, looking out on the +dreary prospect till her eyes were often blinded by tears; and, +partly to shake off thoughts and recollections, the indulgence in +which she felt to be productive of no good, and partly to have +some ideas to dwell upon during the coming week beyond those +suggested by the constant view of the same room she would carry +her Bible, and place herself upon the window-seat on the wide +landing, which commanded the street in front of the house. From +thence she could see the irregular grandeur of the place; she +caught a view of the grey church-tower, rising hoary and massive +into mid-air; she saw one or two figures loiter along on the +sunny side of the street, in all the enjoyment of their fine +clothes and Sunday leisure; and she imagined histories for them, +and tried to picture to herself their homes and their daily +doings. + +And, before long, the bells swung heavily in the church-tower, +and struck out with musical clang the first summons to afternoon +church. + +After church was over, she used to return home to the same +window-seat, and watch till the winter twilight was over and +gone, and the stars came out over the black masses of houses. And +then she would steal down to ask for a candle, as a companion to +her in the deserted workroom. Occasionally the servant would +bring her up some tea; but of late Ruth had declined taking any, +as she had discovered she was robbing the kind-hearted creature +of part of the small provision left out for her by Mrs. Mason. +She sat on, hungry and cold, trying to read her Bible, and to +think the old holy thoughts which had been her childish +meditations at her mother's knee, until one after another the +apprentices returned, weary with their day's enjoyment and their +week's late watching; too weary to make her in any way a partaker +of their pleasure by entering into details of the manner in which +they had spent their day. + +And, last of all, Mrs. Mason returned; and, summoning her "young +people" once more into the parlour, she read a prayer before +dismissing them to bed. She always expected to find them all in +the house when she came home, but asked no questions as to their +proceedings through the day; perhaps because she dreaded to hear +that one or two had occasionally nowhere to go to, and that it +would be sometimes necessary to order a Sunday's dinner, and +leave a lighted fire on that day. + +For five months Ruth had been an inmate at Mrs. Mason's; and such +had been the regular order of the Sundays. While the forewoman +stayed there, it is true, she was ever ready to give Ruth the +little variety of hearing of recreations in which she was no +partaker; and, however tired Jenny might be at night, she had +ever some sympathy to bestow on Ruth for the dull length of day +she had passed. After her departure, the monotonous idleness of +the Sunday seemed worse to bear than the incessant labour of the +work-days; until the time came when it seemed to be a recognised +hope in her mind, that on Sunday afternoons she should see Mr. +Bellingham, and hear a few words from him as from a friend who +took an interest in her thoughts and proceedings during the past +week. + +Ruth's mother had been the daughter of a poor curate in Norfolk, +and, early left without parents or home, she was thankful to +marry a respectable farmer a good deal older than herself. After +their marriage, however, everything seemed to go wrong. Mrs. +Hilton fell into a delicate state of health, and was unable to +bestow the ever-watchful attention to domestic affairs so +requisite in a farmer's wife. Her husband had a series of +misfortunes--of a more important kind than the death of a whole +brood of turkeys from getting among the nettles, or the year of +bad cheeses spoilt by a careless dairymaid--which were the +consequences (so the neighbours said) of Mr. Hilton's mistake in +marrying a delicate fine lady. His crops failed; his horses died; +his barn took fire: in short, if he had been in any way a +remarkable character, one might have supposed him to be the +object of an avenging fate, so successive were the evils which +pursued him; but, as he was only a somewhat commonplace farmer, I +believe we must attribute his calamities to some want in his +character of the one quality required to act as keystone to many +excellences. While his wife lived, all worldly misfortunes seemed +as nothing to him; her strong sense and lively faculty of hope +upheld him from despair; her sympathy was always ready, and the +invalid's room had an atmosphere of peace and encouragement which +affected all who entered it. But when Ruth was about twelve, one +morning in the busy hay-time, Mrs. Hilton was left alone for some +hours. This had often happened before, nor had she seemed weaker +than usual when they had gone forth to the field; but on their +return, with merry voices, to fetch the dinner prepared for the +haymakers, they found an unusual silence brooding over the house; +no low voice called out gently to welcome them, and ask after the +day's progress; and, on entering the little parlour, which was +called Mrs. Hilton's, and was sacred to her, they found her lying +dead on her accustomed sofa. Quite calm and peaceful she lay; +there had been no struggle at last; the struggle was for the +survivors, and one sank under it. Her husband did not make much +ado at first--at least, not in outward show; her memory seemed to +keep in check all external violence of grief; but, day by day, +dating from his wife's death, his mental powers decreased. He was +still a hale-looking elderly man, and his bodily health appeared +as good as ever; but he sat for hours in his easy-chair, looking +into the fire, not moving, nor speaking, unless when it was +absolutely necessary to answer repeated questions. If Ruth, with +coaxings and draggings, induced him to come out with her, he went +with measured steps around his fields, his head bent to the +ground with the same abstracted, unseeing look; never +smiling--never changing the expression of his face, not even to +one of deeper sadness, when anything occurred which might be +supposed to remind him of his dead wife. But, in this abstraction +from all outward things, his worldly affairs went ever lower +down. He paid money away, or received it, as if it had been so' +much water; the gold mines of Potosi could not have touched the +deep grief of his soul; but God in in His mercy knew the sure +balm, and sent the Beautiful Messenger to take the weary one +home. + +After his death, the creditors were the chief people who appeared +to take any interest in the affairs; and it seemed strange to +Ruth to see people, whom she scarcely knew, examining and +touching all that she had been accustomed to consider as precious +and sacred. Her father had made his will at her birth. With the +pride of newly and late-acquired paternity, he had considered the +office of guardian to his little darling as one which would have +been an additional honour to the lord-lieutenant of the county; +but as he had not the pleasure of his lordship's acquaintance, he +selected the person of most consequence amongst those whom he did +know; not any very ambitious appointment in those days of +comparative prosperity; but certainly the flourishing maltster of +Skelton was a little surprised, when, fifteen years later, he +learnt that he was executor to a will bequeathing many vanished +hundreds of pounds, and guardian to a young girl whom he could +not remember ever to have seen. + +He was a sensible, hard-headed man of the world; having a very +fair proportion of conscience as consciences go; indeed, perhaps +more than many people; for he had some ideas of duty extending to +the circle beyond his own family, and did not, as some would have +done, decline acting altogether, but speedily summoned the +creditors, examined into the accounts, sold up the farming-stock, +and discharged all the debts; paid about L 80 into the Skelton +bank for a week, while he inquired for a situation or +apprenticeship of some kind for poor heart-broken Ruth; heard of +Mrs. Mason's; arranged all with her in two short conversations; +drove over for Ruth in his gig; waited while she and the old +servant packed up her clothes; and grew very impatient while she +ran, with her eyes streaming with tears, round the garden, +tearing off in a passion of love whole boughs of favourite China +and damask roses, late flowering against the casement-window of +what had been her mother's room. When she took her seat in the +gig, she was little able, even if she had been inclined, to +profit by her guardian's lectures on economy and self-reliance; +but she was quiet and silent, looking forward with longing to the +night-time, when, in her bedroom, she might give way to all her +passionate sorrow at being wrenched from the home where she had +lived with her parents, in that utter absence of any anticipation +of change, which is either the blessing or the curse of +childhood. But at night there were four other girls in her room, +and she could not cry before them. She watched and waited till, +one by one, they dropped off to sleep, and then she buried her +face in the pillow, and shook with sobbing grief; and then she +paused to conjure up, with fond luxuriance, every recollection of +the happy days, so little valued in their uneventful peace while +they lasted, so passionately regretted when once gone for ever; +to remember every look and word of the dear mother, and to moan +afresh over the change caused by her death--the first clouding in +of Ruth's day of life. It was Jenny's sympathy on this first +night, when awakened by Ruth's irrepressible agony, that had made +the bond between them. But Ruth's loving disposition, continually +sending forth fibres in search of nutriment, found no other +object for regard among those of her daily life to compensate for +the want of natural ties. + +But, almost insensibly, Jenny's place in Ruth's heart was filled +up; there was some one who listened with tender interest to all +her little revelations; who questioned her about her early days +of happiness, and, in return, spoke of his own childhood--not so +golden in reality as Ruth's, but more dazzling, when recounted +with stories of the beautiful cream-coloured Arabian pony, and +the old picture-gallery in the house, and avenues, and terraces, +and fountains in the garden, for Ruth to paint, with all the +vividness of imagination, as scenery and background for the +figure which was growing by slow degrees most prominent in her +thoughts. + +It must not be supposed that this was affected all at once, +though the intermediate stages have been passed over. On Sunday, +Mr. Bellingham only spoke to her to receive the information about +the panel; nor did he come to St. Nicholas' the next, nor yet the +following Sunday. But the third he walked by her side a little +way, and, seeing her annoyance, he left her; and then she wished +for him back again, and found the day very dreary, and wondered +why a strange, undefined feeling, had made her imagine she was +doing wrong in walking alongside of one so kind and good as Mr. +Bellingham; it had been very foolish of her to be self-conscious +all the time, and if ever he spoke to her again she would not +think of what people might say, but enjoy the pleasure which his +kind words and evident interest in her might give. Then she +thought it was very likely he never would notice her again, for +she knew she had been very rude with her short answers; it was +very provoking that she had behaved so rudely. She sould be +sixteen in another month, and she was still childish and awkward. +Thus she lectured herself, after parting with Mr. Bellingham; and +the consequence was, that on the following Sunday she was ten +times as blushing and conscious, and (Mr. Bellingham thought) ten +times more beautiful than ever. He suggested that, instead of +going straight home through High Street, she should take the +round by the Leasowes; at first she declined, but then, suddenly +wondering and questioning herself why she refused a thing which +was, as far as reason and knowledge (her knowledge) went, so +innocent, and which was certainly so tempting and pleasant, she +agreed to go the round; and, when she was once in the meadows +that skirted the town, she forgot all doubt and awkwardness--nay, +almost forgot the presence of Mr. Bellingham--in her delight at +the new, tender beauty of an early spring day in February. Among +the last year's brown ruins, heaped together by the wind in the +hedgerows, she found the fresh, green, crinkled leaves and pale +star-like flowers of the primroses. Here and there a golden +celandine made brilliant the sides of the little brook that (full +of water in "February fill-dyke") bubbled along by the side of +the path; the sun was low in the horizon, and once, when they +came to a higher part of the Leasowes, Ruth burst into an +exclamation of delight at the evening glory of mellow light which +was in the sky behind the purple distance, while the brown +leafless woods in the foreground derived an almost metallic +lustre from the golden mist and haze of sunset. It was but +three-quarters of a mile round by the meadows, but somehow it +took them an hour to walk it. Ruth turned to thank Mr. Bellingham +for his kindness in taking her home by this beautiful way, but +his look of admiration at her glowing, animated face, made her +suddenly silent; and, hardly wishing him good-bye, she quickly +entered the house with a beating, happy, agitated heart. + +"How strange it is," she thought that evening, "that I should +feel as if this charming afternoon's walk were, somehow, not +exactly wrong, but yet as if it were not right. Why can it be? I +am not defrauding Mrs. Mason of any of her time; that I know +would be wrong; I am left to go where I like on Sundays. I have +been to church, so it can't be because I have missed doing my +duty. If I had gone this walk with Jenny, I wonder whether I +should have felt as I do now. There must be something wrong in +me, myself, to feel so guilty when I have done nothing which is +not right; and yet I can thank God for the happiness I have had +in this charming spring walk, which dear mamma used to say was a +sign when pleasures were innocent and good for us." + +She was not conscious, as yet, that Mr. Bellingham's presence had +added any charm to the ramble; and when she might have become +aware of this, as, week after week, Sunday after Sunday, +loitering ramble after loitering ramble succeeded each other, she +was too much absorbed with one set of thoughts to have much +inclination for self-questioning. + +"Tell me everything, Ruth, as you would to a brother; let me help +you, if I can, in your difficulties," he said to her one +afternoon. And he really did try to understand, and to realise, +how an insignificant and paltry person like Mason the dressmaker +could be an object of dread, and regarded as a person having +authority, by Ruth. He flamed up with indignation when, by way of +impressing him with Mrs. Mason's power and consequence, Ruth +spoke of some instance of the effects of her employer's +displeasure. He declared his mother should never have a gown made +again by such a tyrant--such a Mrs. Brownrigg; that he would +prevent all his acquaintances from going to such a cruel +dressmaker; till Ruth was alarmed at the threatened consequences +of her one-sided account, and pleaded for Mrs. Mason as earnestly +as if a young man's menace of this description were likely to be +literally fulfilled. + +"Indeed, sir, I have been very wrong; if you please, sir, don't +be so angry. She is often very good to us; it is only sometimes +she goes into a passion: and we are very provoking, I dare say. I +know I am for one. I have often to undo my work, and you can't +think how it spoils anything (particularly silk) to be unpicked; +and Mrs. Mason has to bear all the blame. Oh! I am sorry I said +anything about it. Don't speak to your mother about it, pray, +sir. Mrs. Mason thinks so much of Mrs. Bellingham's custom." + +"Well, I won't this time"--recollecting that there might be some +awkwardness in accounting to his mother for the means by which he +had obtained his very correct information as to what passed in +Mrs. Mason's workroom--"but, if ever she does so again, I'll not +answer for myself." + +"I will take care and not tell again, sir," said Ruth, in a low +voice. + +"Nay, Ruth, you are not going to have secrets from me, are you? +Don't you remember your promise to consider me as a brother? Go +on telling me everything that happens to you, pray; you cannot +think how much interest I take in all your interests. I can quite +fancy that charming home at Milham you told me about last Sunday. +I can almost fancy Mrs. Mason's workroom; and that, surely, is a +proof either of the strength of my imagination, or of your powers +of description." + +Ruth smiled. "It is, indeed, sir. Our workroom must be so +different to anything you ever saw. I think you must have passed +through Milham often on your way to Lowford." + +"Then you don't think it is any stretch of fancy to have so clear +an idea as I have of Milham Grange? On the left hand of the road, +is it, Ruth?" + +"Yes, sir, just over the bridge, and up the hill where the +elm-trees meet overhead and make a green shade; and then comes +the dear old Grange, that I shall never see again." + +"Never! Nonsense, Ruthie; it is only six miles off; you may see +it any day. It is not an hour's ride." + +"Perhaps I may see it again when I am grown old; I did not think +exactly what 'never' meant; it is so very long since I was there, +and I don't see any chance of my going for years and years at any +rate." + +"Why, Ruth, you--we may go next Sunday afternoon, if you like." + +She looked up at him with a lovely light of pleasure in her face +at the idea. + +"How, sir? Can I walk it between afternoon-service and the time +Mrs. Mason comes home? I would go for only one glimpse; but if I +could get into the house--oh, sir! if I could just see mamma's +room again!" + +He was revolving plans in his head for giving her this pleasure, +and he had also his own in view. If they went in any of his +carriages, the loitering charm of the walk would be lost; and +they must, to a certain degree, be encumbered by, and exposed to +the notice of servants. + +"Are you a good walker, Ruth? Do you think you can manage six +miles? If we set off at two o'clock, we shall be there by four, +without hurrying; or say half-past four. Then we might stay two +hours, and you could show me all the old walks and old places you +love, and we could still come leisurely home. Oh, it's all +arranged directly!" + +"But do you think it would be right, sir? It seems as if it would +be such a great pleasure, that it must be in some way wrong." + +"Why, you little goose, what can be wrong in it?" + +"In the first place, I miss going to church by setting out at +two," said Ruth, a little gravely. + +"Only for once. Surely you don't see any harm in missing church +for once? You will go in the morning, you know." + +"I wonder if Mrs. Mason would think it right--if she would allow +it?" + +"No, I dare say not. But you don't mean to be governed by Mrs. +Mason's notions of right and wrong. She thought it right to treat +that poor girl Palmer in the way you told me about. You would +think that wrong, you know, and so would every one of sense and +feeling. Come, Ruth, don't pin your faith on any one, but judge +for yourself. The pleasure is perfectly innocent: it is not a +selfish pleasure either, for I shall enjoy it to the full as much +as you will. I shall like to see the places where you spent your +childhood; I shall almost love them as much as you do." He had +dropped his voice; and spoke in low, persuasive tones. Ruth hung +down her head, and blushed with exceeding happiness; but she +could not speak, even to urge her doubts afresh. Thus it was in a +manner settled. How delightfully happy the plan made her through +the coming week! She was too young when her mother died to have +received any cautions or words of advice respecting the subject +of a woman's life--if, indeed, wise parents ever directly speak +of what, in its depth and power, cannot be put into words--which +is a brooding spirit with no definite form or shape that men +should know it, but which is there, and present before we have +recognised and realised its existence. Ruth was innocent and +snow-pure. She had heard of falling in love, but did not know the +signs and symptoms thereof; nor, indeed, had she troubled her +head much about them. Sorrow had filled up her days, to the +exclusion of all lighter thoughts than the consideration of +present duties, and the remembrance of the happy time which had +been. But the interval of blank, after the loss of her mother and +during her father's life-in-death, had made her all the more +ready to value and cling to sympathy--first from Jenny, and now +from Mr. Bellingham. To see her home again, and to see it with +him; to show him (secure of his interest) the haunts of former +times, each with its little tale of the past--of dead-and-gone +events!--No coming shadow threw its gloom over this week's dream +of happiness--a dream which was too bright to be spoken about to +common and indifferent ears. + + +CHAPTER IV + + +TREADING IN PERILOUS PLACES + +Sunday came, as brilliant as if there were no sorrow, or death, +or guilt in the world; a day or two of rain had made the earth +fresh and brave as the blue heavens above. Ruth thought it was +too strong a realisation of her hopes, and looked for an +over-clouding at noon; but the glory endured, and at two o'clock +she was in the Leasowes, with a beating heart full of joy, +longing to stop the hours, which would pass too quickly through +the afternoon. + +They sauntered through the fragrant lanes, as if their loitering +would prolong the time and check the fiery-footed steeds +galloping apace towards the close of the happy day. It was past +five o'clock before they came to the great mill-wheel, which +stood in Sabbath idleness, motionless in a brown mass of shade, +and still wet with yesterday's immersion in the deep transparent +water beneath. They clambered the little hill, not yet fully +shaded by the overarching elms; and then Ruth checked Mr. +Bellingham, by a slight motion of the hand which lay within his +arm, and glanced up into his face to see what that face should +express as it looked on Milham Grange, now lying still and +peaceful in its afternoon shadows. It was a house of +after-thoughts; building materials were plentiful in the +neighbourhood, and every successive owner had found a necessity +for some addition or projection, till it was a picturesque mass +of irregularity--of broken light and shadow--which, as a whole, +gave a full and complete idea of a "Home." All its gables and +nooks were blended and held together by the tender green of the +climbing roses and young creepers. An old couple were living in +the house until it should be let, but they dwelt in the back +part, and never used the front door; so the little birds had +grown tame and familiar, and perched upon the window-sills and +porch, and on the old stone cistern which caught the water from +the roof. + +They went silently through the untrimmed garden, full of the +pale-coloured flowers of spring. A spider had spread her web over +the front door. The sight of this conveyed a sense of desolation +to Ruth's heart; she thought it was possible the state-entrance +had never been used since her father's dead body had been borne +forth, and without speaking a word, she turned abruptly away, and +went round the house to another door. Mr. Bellingham followed +without questioning, little understanding her feelings, but full +of admiration for the varying expression called out upon her +face. + +The old woman had not yet returned from church, or from the +weekly gossip or neighbourly tea which succeeded. The husband sat +in the kitchen, spelling the psalms for the day in his +Prayer-book, and reading the words out aloud--a habit he had +acquired from the double solitude of his life, for he was deaf. +He did not hear the quiet entrance of the pair, and they were +struck with the sort of ghostly echo which seems to haunt +half-furnished and uninhabited houses. The verses he was reading +were the following:-- + +"Why art thou so vexed, O my soul: and why art thou so disquieted +within me? "O put thy trust in God: for I will yet thank him, +which is the help of my countenance, and my God." + +And when he had finished he shut the book, and sighed with the +satisfaction of having done his duty. The words of holy trust, +though, perhaps, they were not fully understood, carried a +faithful peace down into the depths of his soul. As he looked up, +he saw the young couple standing in the middle of the floor. He +pushed his iron-rimmed spectacles. on to his forehead, and rose +to greet the daughter of his old master and ever-honoured +mistress. + +"God bless thee, lass! God bless thee! My old eyes are glad to +see thee again." + +Ruth sprang forward to shake the horny hand stretched forward in +the action of blessing. She pressed it between both of hers, as +she rapidly poured out questions. Mr. Bellingham was not +altogether comfortable at seeing one whom he had already begun to +appropriate as his own, so tenderly familiar with a +hard-featured, meanly-dressed day-labourer. He sauntered to the +window, and looked out into the grass-grown farmyard; but he +could not help overhearing some of the conversation, which seemed +to him carried on too much in the tone of equality. "And who's +yon?" asked the old labourer at last. "Is he your sweetheart? +Your missis's son, I reckon. He's a spruce young chap, anyhow." +Mr. Bellingham's "blood of all the Howards" rose and tingled +about his ears, so that he could not hear Ruth's answer. It began +by "Hush, Thomas; pray hush!" but how it went on he did not +catch. The idea of his being Mrs. Mason's son! It was really too +ridiculous; but, like most things which are "too ridiculous," it +made him very angry. He was hardly himself again when Ruth shyly +came to the window-recess and asked him if he would like to see +the house-place, into which the front-door entered; many people +thought it very pretty, she said, half-timidly, for his face had +unconsciously assumed a hard and haughty expression, which he +could not instantly soften down. He followed her, however; but +before he left the kitchen he saw the old man standing, looking +at Ruth's companion with a strange, grave air of dissatisfaction. + +They went along one or two zig-zag damp-smelling stone passages, +and then entered the house-place, or common sitting-room for a +farmer's family in that part of the country. The front door +opened into it, and several other apartments issued out of it, +such as the dairy, the state bedroom (which was half-parlour as +well), and a small room which had been appropriated to the late +Mrs. Hilton, where she sat, or more frequently lay, commanding +through the open door the comings and goings of her household. In +those days the house-place had been a cheerful room, full of +life, with the passing to and fro of husband, child, and +servants; with a great merry wood-fire crackling and blazing away +every evening, and hardly let out in the very heat of summer; for +with the thick stone walls, and the deep window-seats, and the +drapery of vine-leaves and ivy, that room, with its flag-floor, +seemed always to want the sparkle and cheery warmth of a fire. +But now the green shadows from without seemed to have become +black in the uninhabited desolation. The oaken shovel-board, the +heavy dresser, and the carved cupboards, were now dull and damp, +which were formerly polished up to the brightness of a +looking-glass where the fire-blaze was for ever glinting; they +only added to. the oppressive gloom; the flag-floor was wet with +heavy moisture. Ruth stood gazing into the room, seeing nothing +of what was present. She saw a vision of former days--an evening +in the days of her childhood; her father sitting in the "master's +corner" near the fire, sedately smoking his pipe, while he +dreamily watched his wife and child; her mother reading to her, +as she sat on a little stool at her feet. It was gone--all gone +into the land of shadows; but for the moment it seemed so present +in the old room, that Ruth believed her actual life to be the +dream. Then, 'still silent, she went on into her mother's +parlour. But there, the bleak look of what had once been full of +peace and mother's love, struck cold on her heart. She uttered a +cry, and threw herself down by the sofa, hiding her face in her +hands, while her frame quivered with her repressed sobs. + +"Dearest Ruth, don't give way so. It can do no good; it cannot +bring back the dead," said Mr. Bellingham, distressed at +witnessing her distress. + +"I know it cannot," murmured Ruth; "and that is why I cry. I cry +because nothing will ever bring them hack again." She sobbed +afresh, but more gently, for his kind words soothed her, and +softened, if they could not take away, her sense of desolation. + +"Come away; I cannot have you stay here, full of painful +associations as these rooms must be. Come"--raising her with +gentle violence--"show me your little garden you have often told +me about. Near the window of this very room, is it not? See how +well I remember everything you tell me." + +He led her round through the back part of the house into the +pretty old-fashioned garden. There was a sunny border just under +the windows, and clipped box and yew-trees by the grass-plat, +further away from the house; and she prattled again of her +childish adventures and solitary plays. When they turned round +they saw the old man, who had hobbled out with the help of his +stick, and was looking at them with the same grave, sad look of +anxiety. Mr. Bellingham spoke rather sharply-- + +"Why does that old man follow us about in that way? It is +excessively impertinent of him, I think." + +"Oh, don't call old Thomas impertinent. He is so good and kind, +he is like a father to me. I remember sitting on his knee many +and many a time when I was a child, whilst he told me stories out +of the 'Pilgrim's Progress.' He taught me to suck up milk through +a straw. Mamma was very fond of him, too. He used to sit with us +always in the evenings when papa was away at market, for mamma +was rather afraid of having no man in the house, and used to beg +old Thomas to stay; and he would take me on his knee, and listen +just as attentively as I did while mamma read aloud." + +"You don't mean to say you have sat upon that old fellow's knee?" + +"Oh, yes! many and many a time." + +Mr. Bellingham looked graver than he had done while witnessing +Ruth's passionate emotion in her mother's room. But he lost his +sense of indignity in admiration of his companion as she wandered +among the flowers, seeking for favourite bushes or plants, to +which some history or remembrance was attached. She wound in and +out in natural, graceful, wavy lines between the luxuriant and +overgrown shrubs, which were fragrant with a leafy smell of +spring growth; she went on, careless of watching eyes, indeed +unconscious, for the time, of their existence. Once she stopped +to take hold of a spray of jessamine, and softly kiss it; it had +been her mother's favourite flower. + +Old Thomas was standing by the horse-mount, and was also an +observer of all her goings-on. But, while Mr. Bellingham's +feeling was that of passionate admiration mingled with a selfish +kind of love, the old man gazed with tender anxiety, and his lips +moved in words of blessing-- + +"She's a pretty creature, with a glint of her mother about her; +and she's the same kind lass as ever. Not a bit set up with yon +fine manty-maker's shop she's in. I misdoubt that young fellow +though, for all she called him a real gentleman, and checked me +when I asked if he was her sweetheart. If his are not +sweetheart's looks, I've forgotten all my young days. Here! +they're going, I suppose. Look! he wants her to go without a word +to the old man; but she is none so changed as that, I reckon." + +Not Ruth, indeed! She never perceived the dissatisfied expression +of Mr. Bellingham's countenance, visible to the old man's keen +eye; but came running up to Thomas to send her love to his wife, +and to shake him many times by the hand. + +"Tell Mary I'll make her such a fine gown, as soon as ever I set +up for myself; it shall be all in the fashion, big gigot sleeves, +that she shall not know herself in them! Mind you tell her that, +Thomas, will you?" + +"Ay, that I will, lass; and I reckon she'll be pleased to hear +thou hast not forgotten thy old merry ways. The Lord bless +thee--the Lord lift up the light of His countenance upon thee." + +Ruth was half-way towards the impatient Mr. Bellingham when her +old friend called her back. He longed to give her a warning of +the danger that he thought she was in, and yet he did not know +how. When she came up, all he could think of to say was a text; +indeed, the language of the Bible was the language in which he +thought, whenever his ideas went beyond practical everyday life +into expressions of emotion or feeling. "My dear, remember the +devil goeth about as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour; +remember that, Ruth." + +The words fell on her ear, but gave no definite idea. The utmost +they suggested was the remembrance of the dread she felt as a +child when this verse came into her mind, and how she used to +imagine a lion's head with glaring eyes peering out of the bushes +in a dark shady part of the wood, which, for this reason, she had +always avoided, and even now could hardly think of without a +shudder. She never imagined that the grim warning related to the +handsome young man who awaited her with a countenance beaming +with love, and tenderly drew her hand within his arm. + +The old man sighed as he watched them away. "The Lord may help +her to guide her steps aright. He may. But I'm afeard she's +treading in perilous places. I'll put my missis up to going to +the town and getting speech of her, and telling her a bit of her +danger. An old motherly woman like our Mary will set about it +better nor a stupid fellow like me." + +The poor old labourer prayed long and earnestly that night for +Ruth. He called it "wrestling for her soul;" and I think that his +prayers were heard, for "God judgeth not as man judgeth." + +Ruth went on her way, all unconscious of the dark phantoms of the +future that were gathering around her; her melancholy turned, +with the pliancy of childish years, at sixteen not yet lost, into +a softened manner which was infinitely charming. By-and-by she +cleared up into sunny happiness. The evening was still and full +of mellow light, and the new-born summer was so delicious that, +in common with all young creatures, she shared its influence and +was glad. They stood together at the top of a steep ascent, "the +hill" of the hundred. At the summit there was a level space, +sixty or seventy yards square, of unenclosed and broken ground, +over which the golden bloom of the gorse cast a rich hue, while +its delicious scent perfumed the fresh and nimble air. On one +side of this common, the ground sloped down to a clear bright +pond, in which were mirrored the rough sand-cliffs that rose +abrupt on the opposite bank; hundreds of martens found a home +there, and were now wheeling over the transparent water, and +dipping in their wings in their evening sport. Indeed, all sorts +of birds seemed to haunt the lonely pool; the water-wagtails were +scattered around its margin, the linnets perched on the topmost +sprays of the gorse-bushes, and other hidden warblers sang their +vespers on the uneven ground beyond. On the far side of the green +waste, close by the road, and well placed for the requirements of +horses or their riders who might be weary with the ascent of the +hill, there was a public-house, which was more of a farm than an +inn. It was a long, low building, rich in dormer-windows on the +weather side, which were necessary in such an exposed situation, +and with odd projections and unlooked-for gables on every side; +there was a deep porch in front, on whose hospitable benches a +dozen persons might sit and enjoy the balmy air. A noble sycamore +grew right before the house, with seats all round it ("such tents +the patriarchs loved"); and a nondescript sign hung from a branch +on the side next to the road, which, being wisely furnished with +an interpretation, was found to mean King Charles in the oak. + +Near this comfortable, quiet, unfrequented inn, there was another +pond, for household and farmyard purposes, from which the cattle +were drinking, before returning to the fields after they had been +milked. Their very motions were so lazy and slow, that they +served to fill up the mind with the sensation of dreamy rest. +Ruth and Mr. Bellingham plunged through the broken ground to +regain the road near the wayside inn. Hand-in-hand, now pricked +by the far-spreading gorse, now ankle-deep in sand; now pressing +the soft, thick heath, which should make so brave an autumn show; +and now over wild thyme and other fragrant herbs, they made their +way, with many a merry laugh. Once on the road, at the summit, +Ruth stood silent, in breathless delight at the view before her. +The hill fell suddenly down into the plain, extending for a dozen +miles or more. There was a clump of dark Scotch firs close to +them, which cut clear against the western sky, and threw back the +nearest levels into distance. The plain below them was richly +wooded, and was tinted by the young tender hues of the earliest +summer, for all the trees of the wood had donned their leaves +except the cautious ash, which here and there gave a soft, +pleasant greyness to the landscape. Far away in the champaign +were spires, and towers, and stacks of chimneys belonging to some +distant hidden farmhouse, which were traced downwards through the +golden air by the thin columns of blue smoke sent up from the +evening fires. The view was bounded by some rising ground in deep +purple shadow against the sunset sky. When first they stopped, +silent with sighing pleasure, the air seemed full of pleasant +noises; distant church-bells made harmonious music with the +little singing-birds near at hand; nor were the lowings of the +cattle nor the calls of the farm-servants discordant, for the +voices seemed to be hushed by the brooding consciousness of the +Sabbath. They stood loitering before the house, quietly enjoying +the view. The clock in the little inn struck eight, and it +sounded clear and sharp in the stillness. + +"Can it be so late?" asked Ruth. + +"I should not have thought it possible," answered Mr. Bellingham. +"But, never mind, you will be at home long before nine. Stay, +there is a shorter road, I know, through the fields; just wait a +moment, while I go in and ask the exact way." He dropped Ruth's +arm, and went into the public-house. + +A gig had been slowly toiling up the sandy hill behind, +unperceived by the young couple, and now it reached the +tableland, and was close upon them as they separated. Ruth turned +round, when the sound of the horse's footsteps came distinctly as +he reached the level. She faced Mrs. Mason! + +They were not ten--no, not five yards apart. At the same moment +they recognised each other, and, what was worse, Mrs. Mason had +clearly seen, with her sharp, needle-like eyes, the attitude in +which Ruth had stood with the young man who had just quitted her. +Ruth's hand had been lying in his arm, and fondly held there by +his other hand. + +Mrs. Mason was careless about the circumstances of temptation +into which the girls entrusted to her as apprentices were thrown, +but severely intolerant if their conduct was in any degree +influenced by the force of these temptations. She called this +intolerance "keeping up the character of her establishment." It +would have been a better and more Christian thing if she had kept +up the character of her girls by tender vigilance and maternal +care. + +This evening, too, she was in an irritated state of temper. Her +brother had undertaken to drive her round by Henbury, in order to +give her the unpleasant information of the misbehaviour of her +eldest son, who was an assistant in a draper's shop in a +neighbouring town. She was full of indignation against want of +steadiness, though not willing to direct her indignation against +the right object--her ne'er-do-well darling. While she was thus +charged with anger (for her brother justly defended her son's +master and companions from her attacks), she saw Ruth standing +with a lover, far away from home, at such a time in the evening, +and she boiled over with intemperate displeasure. + +"Come here directly, Miss Hilton," she exclaimed sharply. Then, +dropping her voice to low, bitter tones of concentrated wrath; +she said to the trembling, guilty Ruth-- + +"Don't attempt to show your face at my house again after this +conduct. I saw you, and your spark too. I'll have no slurs on the +character of my apprentices. Don't say a word. I saw enough. I +shall write and tell your guardian to-morrow. The horse started +away, for he was impatient to be off; and Ruth was left standing +there, stony, sick, and pale, as if the lightning had tom up the +ground beneath her feet. She could not go on standing, she was so +sick and faint; she staggered back to the broken sand-bank, and +sank down, and covered her face with her hands. + +"My dearest Ruth! are you ill? Speak, darling! My love, my love, +do speak to me!" + +What tender words after such harsh ones! They loosened the +fountain of Ruth's tears, and she cried bitterly. + +"Oh! did you see her--did you hear what she said?" + +"She! Who, my darling? Don't sob so, Ruth; tell me what it is. +Who has been near you?--who has been speaking to you to make you +cry so?" + +"Oh, Mrs. Mason." And there was a fresh burst of sorrow. + +"You don't say so! are you sure? I was not away five minutes." + +"Oh, yes, sir, I'm quite sure. She was so angry; she said I must +never show my face there again. Oh, dear! what shall I do?" + +It seemed to the poor child as if Mrs. Mason's words were +irrevocable, and, that being so, she was shut out from every +house. She saw how much she had done that was deserving of blame, +now when it was too late to undo it. She knew with what severity +and taunts Mrs. Mason had often treated her for involuntary +fallings, of which she had been quite unconscious; and now she +had really done wrong, and shrank with terror from the +consequences. Her eyes were so blinded by the fast-falling tears, +she did not see (nor, had she seen, would she have been able to +interpret) the change in Mr. Bellingham's countenance, as he +stood silently watching her. He was silent so long, that even in +her sorrow she began to wonder that he did not speak, and to wish +to hear his soothing words once more. + +"It is very unfortunate," he began, at last; and then he stopped; +then he began again: "It is very unfortunate; for, you see, I did +not like to name it to you before, but, I believe--I have +business, in fact, which obliges me to go to town to-morrow--to +London, I mean; and I don't know when I shall be able to return." +"To London!" cried Ruth; "are you going away? Oh, Mr. +Bellingham!" She wept afresh, giving herself up to the desolate +feeling of sorrow, which absorbed all the terror she had been +experiencing at the idea of Mrs. Mason's anger. It seemed to her +at this moment as though she could have borne everything but his +departure; but she did not speak again; and, after two or three +minutes had elapsed, he spoke--not in his natural careless voice, +but in a sort of constrained, agitated tone. + +"I can hardly bear the idea of leaving you, my own Ruth. In such +distress, too; for where you can go I do not know at all. From +all you have told me of Mrs. Mason, I don't think she is likely +to mitigate her severity in your case." + +No answer, but tears quietly, incessantly flowing. Mrs. Mason's +displeasure seemed a distant thing; his going away was the present +distress. He went on-- + +"Ruth, would you go with me to London? My darling, I cannot +leave you here without a home; the thought of leaving you at all +is pain enough, but in these circumstances--so friendless, so +homeless--it is impossible. You must come with me, love, and +trust to me." + +Still she did not speak. Remember how young, and innocent, and +motherless she was! It seemed to her as if it would be happiness +enough to be with him; and as for the future, he would arrange +and decide for that. The future lay wrapped in a golden mist, +which she did not care to penetrate; but if he, her sun, was out +of sight and gone, the golden mist became dark heavy gloom, +through which no hope could come. He took her hand. + +"Will you not come with me? Do you not love me enough to trust +me? Oh, Ruth (reproachfully), can you not trust me?" + +She had stopped crying, but was sobbing sadly. + +"I cannot bear this, love. Your sorrow is absolute pain to me; +but it is worse to feel how indifferent you are--how little you +care about our separation." + +He dropped her hand. She burst into a fresh fit of crying. + +"I may have to join my mother in Paris; I don't know when I shall +see you again. Oh, Ruth!" said he vehemently, "do you love me at +all?" + +She said something in a very low voice; he could not hear it, +though he bent down his head--but he took her hand again. + +"What was it you said, love? Was it not that you did love me? My +darling, you do! I can tell it by the trembling of this little +hand; then you will not suffer me to go away alone and unhappy, +most anxious about you? There is no other course open to you; my +poor girl has no friends to receive her. I will go home directly, +and return in an hour with a carriage. You make me too happy by +your silence, Ruth." + +"Oh, what can I do?" exclaimed Ruth. "Mr. Bellingham, you should +help me, and instead of that you only bewilder me." + +"How, my dearest Ruth? Bewilder you! It seems so clear to me. +Look at the case fairly! Here you are, an orphan, with only one +person to love you, poor child!--thrown off, for no fault of +yours, by the only creature on whom you have a claim, that +creature a tyrannical, inflexible woman; what is more natural +(and, being natural, more right) than that you should throw +yourself upon the care of the one who loves you dearly--who would +go through fire and water for you--who would shelter you from all +harm? Unless, indeed, as I suspect, you do not care for him. If +so, Ruth, if you do not care for me, we had better part--I will +leave you at once; it will be better for me to go, if you do not +care for me." + +He said this very sadly (it seemed so to Ruth, at least), and +made as though he would have drawn his hand from hers; but now +she held it with soft force. + +"Don't leave me, please, sir. It is very true I have no friend +but you. Don't leave me, please. But, oh! do tell me what I must +do!" + +"Will you do it if I tell you? If you will trust me, I will do my +very best for you. I will give you my best advice. You see your +position Mrs. Mason writes and gives her own exaggerated account +to your guardian; he is bound by no great love to you, from what +I have heard you say, and throws you off; I, who might be able to +befriend you--through my mother, perhaps--I, who could at least +comfort you a little (could not I, Ruth?), am away, far away, for +an indefinite time; that is your position at present. Now, what I +advise is this. Come with me into this little inn; I will order +tea for you--(I am sure you require it sadly)--and I will leave +you there, and go home for the carriage. I will return in an hour +at the latest. Then we are together, come what may; that is +enough for me; is it not for you, Ruth? Say yes--say it ever so +low, but give me the delight of hearing it. Ruth, say yes." + +Low and soft, with much hesitation, came the "Yes;" the fatal +word of which she so little imagined the infinite consequences. +The thought of being with him was all and everything. + +"How you tremble, my darling! You are cold, love! Come into the +house, and I'll order tea, directly, and be off." + +She rose, and, leaning on his arm, went into the house. She was +shaking and dizzy with the agitation of the last hour. He spoke +to the civil farmer-landlord, who conducted them into a neat +parlour, with windows opening into the garden at the back of the +house. They had admitted much of the evening's fragrance through +their open casements before they were hastily closed by the +attentive host. + +"Tea, directly, for this lady!" The landlord vanished. + +"Dearest Ruth, I must go; there is not an instant to be lost. +Promise me to take some tea, for you are shivering all over, and +deadly pale with the fright that abominable woman has given you. +I must go; I shall be back in half an hour--and then no more +partings, darling." + +He kissed her pale cold face, and went away. The room whirled +round before Ruth; it was a dream--a strange, varying, shifting +dream--with the old home of her childhood for one scene, with the +terror of Mrs. Mason's unexpected appearance for another; and +then, strangest, dizziest, happiest of all, there was the +consciousness of his love, who was all the world to her, and the +remembrance of the tender words, which still kept up their low +soft echo in her heart. Her head ached so much that she could +hardly see; even the dusky twilight was a dazzling glare to her +poor eyes; and when the daughter of the house brought in the +sharp light of the candles, preparatory for tea, Ruth hid her +face in the sofa pillows with a low exclamation of pain. + +"Does your head ache, miss?" asked the girl, in a gentle, +sympathising voice. + +"Let me make you some tea, miss, it will do you good. Many's the +time poor mother's headaches were cured by good strong tea." + +Ruth murmured acquiescence; the young girl (about Ruth's own age, +but who was the mistress of the little establishment owing to her +mother's death) made tea, and brought Ruth a cup to the sofa +where she lay. Ruth was feverish and thirsty, and eagerly drank +it off, although she could not touch the bread and butter which +the girl offered her. She felt better and fresher, though she was +still faint and weak. + +"Thank you," said Ruth. "Don't let me keep you, perhaps you are +busy. You have been very kind, and the tea has done me a great +deal of good." + +The girl left the room. Ruth became as hot as she had previously +been cold, and went and opened the window, and leant out into the +still, sweet, evening air, The bush of sweet-brier underneath the +window scented the place, and the delicious fragrance reminded +her of her old home. I think scents affect and quicken the memory +more than either sights or sound; for Ruth had instantly before +her eyes the little garden beneath the window of her mother's +room with the old man leaning on his stick watching her, just as +he had done not three hours before on that very afternoon. + +"Dear old Thomas! he and Mary would take me in, I think; they +would love me all the more if I were cast off. And Mr. Bellingham +would, perhaps, not be so very long away; and he would know where +to find me if I stayed at Milham Grange. Oh, would it not be +better to go to them? I wonder if he would be very sorry! I could +not bear to make him sorry, so kind as he has been to me; but I +do believe it would be better to go to them, and ask their +advice, at any rate. He would follow me there; and I could talk +over what I had better do, with the three best friends I have in +the world--the only friends I have." + +She put on her bonnet, and opened the parlour-door; but then she +saw the square figure of the landlord standing at the open +house-door, smoking his evening pipe, and looming large and +distinct against the dark air and landscape beyond. Ruth +remembered the cup of tea she had drunk; it must be paid for, and +she had no money with her. She feared that he would not let her +quit the house without paying. She thought that she would leave a +note for Mr. Bellingham, saying where she was gone, and how she +had left the house in debt, for (like a child) all dilemmas +appeared of equal magnitude to her; and the difficulty of passing +the landlord while he stood there, and of giving him an +explanation of the circumstances (as far as such explanation was +due to him), appeared insuperable, and as awkward and fraught +with inconvenience as far more serious situations. She kept +peeping out of her room, after she had written her little +pencil-note, to see if the outer door was still obstructed. There +he stood, motionless, enjoying his pipe, and looking out into the +darkness which gathered thick with the coming night. The fumes of +the tobacco were carried by the air into the house, and brought +back Ruth's sick headache. Her energy left her; she became stupid +and languid, and incapable of spirited exertion; she modified her +plan of action, to the determination of asking Mr. Bellingham to +take her to Milham Grange, to the care of her humble friends, +instead of to London. And she thought, in her simplicity, that he +would instantly consent when he had heard her reasons. + +She started up. A carriage dashed up to the door. She hushed her +beating heart, and tried to stop her throbbing head, to listen. +She heard him speaking to the landlord, though she could not +distinguish what he said heard the jingling of money, and in +another moment he was in the room, and had taken her arm to lead +her to the carriage. + +"Oh, sir, I want you to take me to Milham Grange," said she, +holding back; "old Thomas would give me a home." + +"Well, dearest, we'll talk of all that in the carriage; I am sure +you will listen to reason. Nay, if you will go to Milham, you +must go in the carriage," said he hurriedly. She was little +accustomed to oppose the wishes of any one; obedient and docile +by nature, and unsuspicious and innocent of any harmful +consequences. She entered the carriage, and drove towards London. + + +CHAPTER V + + +IN NORTH WALES + +The June of 18-- had been glorious and sunny, and full of +flowers; but July came in with pouring rain, and it was a gloomy +time for travellers and for weather-bound tourists, who lounged +away the days in touching up sketches, dressing flies, and +reading over again, for the twentieth time, the few volumes they +had brought with them. A number of the Times, five days old, had +been in constant demand in all the sitting-rooms of a certain inn +in a little mountain village of North Wales, through a long July +morning. The valleys around were filled with thick, cold mist, +which had crept up the hillsides till the hamlet itself was +folded in its white, dense curtain, and from the inn-windows +nothing was seen of the beautiful scenery around. The tourists +who thronged the rooms might as well have been "wi' their dear +little bairnies at hame;" and so some of them seemed to think, as +they stood, with their faces flattened against the windowpanes, +looking abroad in search of an event to fill up the dreary time. +How many dinners were hastened that day, by way of getting +through the morning, let the poor Welsh kitchen-maid say! The +very village children kept indoors; or, if one or two more +adventurous stole out into the land of temptation and puddles, +they were soon clutched back by angry and busy mothers. + +It was only four o'clock, but most of the inmates of the inn +thought it must be between six and seven, the morning had seemed +so long--so many hours had passed since dinner--when a Welsh car, +drawn by two horses, rattled briskly up to the door. Every window +of the ark was crowded with faces at the sound; the leathern +curtains were undrawn to their curious eyes, and out sprang a +gentleman, who carefully assisted a well-cloaked-up lady into the +little inn, despite the landlady's assurances of not having a +room to spare. + +The gentleman (it was Mr. Bellingham) paid no attention to the +speeches of the hostess, but quietly superintended the unpacking +of the carriage, and paid the postillion; then, turning round, +with his face to the light, he spoke to the landlady, whose voice +had been rising during the last five minutes-- + +"Nay, Jenny, you're strangely altered, if you can turn out an old +friend on such an evening as this. If I remember right, Pen tre +Voelas is twenty miles across the bleakest mountain-road I ever +saw." + +"Indeed, sir, and I did not know you; Mr. Bellingham, I believe. +Indeed, sir, Pen tre Voelas is not above eighteen miles--we only +charge for eighteen; it may not be much above seventeen,--and +we're quite full, indeed, more's the pity." + +"Well, but, Jenny, to oblige me, an old friend, you can find +lodgings out for some of your people--that house across, for +instance." + +"Indeed, sir, and it's at liberty; perhaps you would not mind +lodging there yourself. I could get you the best rooms, and send +over a trifle or so of furniture, if they weren't as you'd wish +them to be." + +"No, Jenny, here I stay. You'll not induce me to venture over +into those rooms, whose dirt I know of old. Can't you persuade +some one who is not an old friend to move across? Say, if you +like, that I had written beforehand to bespeak the rooms. Oh, I +know you can manage it--I know your good-natured ways." + +"Indeed, sir! Well, I'll see, if you and the lady will just step +into the back-parlour, sir--there's no one there just now; the +lady is keeping her bed to-day for a cold, and the gentleman is +having a rubber at whist in number three. I'll see what I can +do." + +"Thank you--thank you! Is there a fire? if not, one must be +lighted. Come, Ruthie, come!" + +He led the way into a large bow-windowed room, which looked +gloomy enough that afternoon, but which I have seen bright and +buoyant with youth and hope within, and sunny lights creeping +down the purple mountain slope, and stealing over the green, soft +meadows, till they reached the little garden, full of roses and +lavender-bushes, lying close under the window. I have seen--but I +shall see no more. + +"I did not know you had been here before," said Ruth, as Mr. +Bellingham helped her off with her cloak. + +"Oh, yes; three years ago I was here on a reading party. We were +here above two months, attracted by Jenny's kind heart and +oddities, but driven away finally by the insufferable dirt. +However, for a week or two it won't much signify." + +"But can she take us in? I thought I heard her saying her house +was full." + +"Oh, yes, I dare say it is; but I shall pay her well. She can +easily make excuses to some poor devil, and send him over to the +other side; and for a day or two, so that we have shelter, it +does not much signify." + +"Could not we go to the house on the other side?" + +"And have our meals carried across to us in a half-warm state, to +say nothing of having no one to scold for bad cooking! You don't +know these out-of-the-way Welsh inns yet, Ruthie." + +"No, I only thought it seemed rather unfair," said Ruth gently; +but she did not end her sentence, for Mr. Bellingham formed his +lips into a whistle, and walked to the window to survey the rain. + +The remembrance of his former good payment prompted many little +lies of which Mrs. Morgan was guilty that afternoon, before she +succeeded in turning out a gentleman and lady, who were only +planning to remain till the ensuing Saturday at the outside; so, +if they did fulfil their threat, and leave on the next day, she +would be no very great loser. + +These household arrangements complete, she solaced herself with +tea in her own little parlour, and shrewdly reviewed the +circumstances of Mr. Bellingham's arrival. + +"Indeed! and she's not his wife," thought Jenny, that's clear as +day. His wife would have brought her maid, and given herself +twice as many airs about the sitting-rooms; while this poor miss +never spoke, but kept as still as a mouse. Indeed, and young men +will be young men; and as long as their fathers and mothers shut +their eyes, it's none of my business to go about asking +questions." + +In this manner they settled down to a week's enjoyment of that +Alpine country. It was most true enjoyment to Ruth. It was +opening a new sense; vast ideas of beauty and grandeur filled her +mind at the sight of the mountains, now first beheld in full +majesty. She was almost overpowered by the vague and solemn +delight; but by-and-by her love for them equalled her awe, and in +the night-time she would softly rise, and steal to the window to +see the white moon-light, which gave a new aspect to the +everlasting hills that girdle the mountain village. + +Their breakfast-hour was late, in accordance with Mr. +Bellingham's tastes and habits; but Ruth was up betimes, and out +and away, brushing the dewdrops from the short crisp grass; the +lark sung high above her head, and she knew not if she moved or +stood still, for the grandeur of this beautiful earth absorbed +all idea of separate and individual existence. Even rain was a +pleasure to her. She sat in the window-seat of their parlour (she +would have gone out gladly, but that such a proceeding annoyed +Mr. Bellingham, who usually at such times lounged away the +listless hours on a sofa, and relieved himself by abusing the +weather); she saw the swift-fleeting showers come athwart the +sunlight like a rush of silver arrows; she watched the purple +darkness on the heathery mountain-side, and then the pale golden +gleam which succeeded. There was no change or alteration of +nature that had not its own peculiar beauty in the eyes of Ruth; +but if she had complained of the changeable climate, she would +have pleased Mr. Bellingham more: her admiration and her content +made him angry, until her pretty motions and loving eyes soothed +down his impatience. + +"Really, Ruth," he exclaimed one day, when they had been +imprisoned by rain a whole morning, "one would think you had +never seen a shower of rain before; it quite wearies me to see +you sitting there watching this detestable weather with such a +placid countenance; and for the last two hours you have said +nothing more amusing or interesting than--'Oh, how beautiful!' +or, 'There's another cloud coming across Moel Wynn.'" + +Ruth left her seat very gently, and took up her work. She wished +she had the gift of being amusing; it must be dull for a man +accustomed to all kinds of active employments to be shut up in +the house. She was recalled from her absolute self-forgetfulness. +What could she say to interest Mr. Bellingham? While she thought, +he spoke again-- + +"I remember when we were reading here three years ago, we had a +week of just such weather as this; but Howard and Johnson were +capital whist-players, and Wilbraham not bad, so we got through +the days famously. Can you play ecarte, Ruth, or picquet?" + +"No, sir; I have sometimes played at beggar-my-neighbour," +answered Ruth humbly, regretting her own deficiencies. + +He murmured impatiently, and there was silence for another +half-hour. Then he sprang up, and rang the bell violently. "Ask +Mrs. Morgan for a pack of cards. Ruthie, I'll teach you ecarte," +said he. + +But Ruth was stupid, not so good as a dummy, he said; and it was +no fun betting against himself. So the cards were flung across +the table--on the floor--anywhere. Ruth picked them up. As she +rose, she sighed a little with the depression of spirits +consequent upon her own want of power to amuse and occupy him she +loved. + +"You're pale, love!" said he, half repenting of his anger at her +blunders over the cards. "Go out before dinner; you know you +don't mind this cursed weather; and see that you come home full +of adventures to relate. Come, little blockhead! give me a kiss, +and begone." + +She left the room with a feeling of relief; for if he were dull +without her, she should not feel responsible, and unhappy at her +own stupidity. The open air, that kind of soothing balm which +gentle mother Nature offers to us all in our seasons of +depression, relieved her. The rain had ceased, though every leaf +and blade was loaded with trembling glittering drops. Ruth went +down to the circular dale, into which the brown foaming mountain +river fell and made a deep pool, and, after resting there for a +while, ran on between broken rocks down to the valley below. The +water-fall was magnificent, as she had anticipated; she longed to +extend her walk to the other side of the stream, so she sought +the stepping-stones, the usual crossing-place, which were +overshadowed by trees, a few yards from the pool. The waters ran +high and rapidly, as busy as life, between the pieces of grey +rock; but Ruth had no fear, and went lightly and steadily on. +About the middle, however, there was a great gap; either one of +the stones was so covered with water as to be invisible, or it +had been washed lower down; at any rate, the spring from stone to +stone was long, and Ruth hesitated for a moment before taking it. +The sound of rushing waters was in her ears to the exclusion of +every other noise; her eyes were on the current running swiftly +below her feet; and thus she was startled to see a figure close +before her on one of the stones, and to hear a voice offering +help. + +She looked up and saw a man, who was apparently long past middle +life, and of the stature of a dwarf; a second glance accounted +for the low height of the speaker, for then she saw he was +deformed. As the consciousness of this infirmity came into her +mind, it must have told itself in her softened eyes; for a faint +flush of colour came into the pale face of the deformed +gentleman, as he repeated his words-- + +"The water is very rapid; will you take my hand? perhaps I can +help you." Ruth accepted the offer, and with this assistance she +was across in a moment. He made way for her to precede him in the +narrow wood path, and then silently followed her up the glen. + +When they had passed out of the wood into the pasture-land +beyond, Ruth once more turned to mark him. She was struck afresh +with the mild beauty of the face, though there was something in +the countenance which told of the body's deformity, something +more and beyond the pallor of habitual ill-health, something of a +quick spiritual light in the deep-set eyes, a sensibility about +the mouth; but altogether, though a peculiar, it was a most +attractive face. "Will you allow me to accompany you if you are +going the round by Cwm Dhu, as I imagine you are? The handrail is +blown away from the little wooden bridge by the storm last night, +and the rush of waters below may make you dizzy; and it is really +dangerous to fall there, the stream is so deep." + +They walked on without much speech. She wondered who her +companion might be. She should have known him, if she had seen +him among the strangers at the inn; and yet he spoke English too +well to be a Welshman; he knew the country and the paths so +perfectly, he must be a resident; and so she tossed him from +England to Wales, and back again, in her imagination. + +"I only came here yesterday," said he, as a widening in the path +permitted them to walk abreast. "Last night I went to the higher +waterfalls; they are most splendid." + +"Did you go out in all that rain?" asked Ruth timidly. + +"Oh, yes. Rain never hinders me from walking. Indeed, it gives a +new beauty to such a country as this. Besides, my time for my +excursion is so short, I cannot afford to waste a day." + +"Then you do not live here?" asked Ruth. + +"No! my home is in a very different place. I live in a busy town, +where at times it is difficult to feel the truth that + +'There are in this loud stunning tide Of human care and crime, +With whom the melodies abide Of th' everlasting chime; Who carry +music in their heart Through dusky lane and crowded mart, Plying +their task with busier feet, Because their secret souls a holy +strain repeat.' + +I have an annual holiday, which I generally spend in Wales; and +often in this immediate neighbourhood." + +"I do not wonder at your choice," replied Ruth. "It is a +beautiful country." + +"It is, indeed; and I have been inoculated by an old inn-keeper +at Conway with a love for its people, and history, and +traditions. I have picked up enough of the language to understand +many of their legends; and some are very fine and awe-inspiring, +others very poetic and fanciful." + +Ruth was too shy to keep up the conversation by any remark of her +own, although his gentle, pensive manner was very winning. + +"For instance," said he, touching a long bud-laden stem of +foxglove in the hedge-aide, at the bottom of which one or two +crimson-speckled flowers were bursting from their green sheaths, +"I dare say, you don't know what makes this fox-glove bend and +sway so gracefully. You think it is blown by the wind, don't +you?" He looked at her with a grave smile, which did not enliven +his thoughtful eyes, but gave an inexpressible sweetness to his +face. + +"I always thought it was the wind. What is it?" asked Ruth +innocently. + +"Oh, the Welsh tell you that this flower is sacred to the +fairies, and that it has the power of recognising them, and all +spiritual beings who pass by, and that it bows in deference to +them as they waft along. Its Welsh name is Maneg Ellyllyn--the +good people's glove; and hence, I imagine, our folk's-glove or +fox-glove." + +"It's a very pretty fancy," said Ruth, much interested, and +wishing that he would go on, without expecting her to reply. But +they were already at the wooden bridge; he led her across, and +then, bowing his adieu, he had taken a different path even before +Ruth had thanked him for his attention. + +It was an adventure to tell Mr. Bellingham, however; and it +aroused and amused him till dinner-time came, after which he +sauntered forth with a cigar. + +"Ruth," said he, when he returned, "I've seen your little +hunchback. He looks like Riquet-with-the-Tuft. He's not a +gentleman, though. If it had not been for his deformity, I should +not have made him out from your description; you called him a +gentleman." + +"And don't you?" asked Ruth, surprised. + +"Oh, no! he's regularly shabby and seedy in his appearance; +lodging, too, the ostler told me, over that horrible +candle-and-cheese shop, the smell of which is insufferable twenty +yards off--no gentleman could endure it; he must be a traveller +or artist, or something of that kind." + +"Did you see his face?" asked Ruth. + +"No; but a man's back--his tout ensemble has character enough in +it to decide his rank." + +"His face was very singular; quite beautiful!" said she softly; +but the subject did not interest Mr. Bellingham, and he let it +drop. + + +CHAPTER VI + + +TROUBLES GATHER ABOUT RUTH + +The next day the weather was brave and glorious; a perfect +"bridal of the earth and sky;" and every one turned out of the +inn to enjoy the fresh beauty of nature. Ruth was quite +unconscious of being the object of remark; and, in her light, +rapid passings to and fro, had never looked at the doors and +windows, where many watchers stood observing her, and commenting +upon her situation or her appearance. + +"She's a very lovely creature," said one gentleman, rising from +the breakfast-table to catch a glimpse of her as she entered from +her morning's ramble. "Not above sixteen I should think. Very +modest and innocent-looking in her white gown!" + +His wife, busy administering to the wants of a fine little boy, +could only say (without seeing the young girl's modest ways, and +gentle, downcast countenance)-- + +"Well! I do think it's a shame such people should be allowed to +come here. To think of such wickedness under the same roof! Do +come away, my dear, and don't flatter her by such notice." + +The husband returned to the breakfast-table; he smelt the broiled +ham and eggs, and he heard his wife's commands. Whether smelling +or hearing had most to do in causing his obedience, I cannot +tell; perhaps you can. + +"Now, Harry, go and see if nurse and baby are ready to go out +with you. You must lose no time this beautiful morning." + +Ruth found Mr. Bellingham was not yet come down; so she sallied +out for an additional half-hour's ramble. Flitting about through +the village, trying to catch all the beautiful sunny peeps at the +scenery between the cold stone houses, which threw the radiant +distance into aerial perspective far away, she passed by the +little shop; and, just issuing from it, came the nurse and baby, +and little boy. The baby sat in placid dignity in her nurse's +arms, with a face of queenly calm. Her fresh, soft, peachy +complexion was really tempting; and Ruth, who was always fond of +children, went up to coo and to smile at the little thing, and +after some "peep-boing," she was about to snatch a kiss, when +Harry, whose face had been reddening ever since the play began, +lifted up his sturdy little right arm and hit Ruth a great blow +on the face. + +"Oh, for shame, sir!" said the nurse, snatching back his hand; +"how dare you do that to the lady who is so kind as to speak to +Sissy!" + +"She's not a lady!" said he indignantly. "She's a bad, naughty +girl--mamma; said so, she did; and she shan't kiss our baby." + +The nurse reddened in her turn. She knew what he must have heard; +but it was awkward to bring it out, standing face to face with +the elegant young lady. + +"Children pick up such notions, ma'am," said she at last, +apologetically, to Ruth, who stood, white and still, with a new +idea running through her mind. + +"It's no notion; it's true, nurse; and I heard you say it +yourself. Go away, naughty woman!" said the boy, in infantile +vehemence of passion to Ruth. To the nurse's infinite relief, +Ruth turned away, humbly and meekly, with bent head, and slow, +uncertain steps. But as she turned, she saw the mild sad face of +the deformed gentleman, who was sitting at the open window above +the shop; he looked sadder and graver than ever; and his eyes met +her glance with an expression of deep sorrow. And so, condemned +alike by youth and age, she stole with timid step into the house. +Mr. Bellingham was awaiting her in the sitting-room. The glorious +day restored all his buoyancy of spirits. He talked gaily away, +without pausing for a reply; while Ruth made tea, and tried to +calm her heart, which was yet beating with the agitation of the +new ideas she had received from the occurrence of the morning. +Luckily for her, the only answers required for some time were +mono-syllables; but those few words were uttered in so depressed +and mournful a tone, that at last they struck Mr. Bellingham with +surprise and displeasure, as the condition of mind they +unconsciously implied did not harmonise with his own. + +"Ruth, what is the matter this morning? You really are very +provoking. Yesterday, when everything was gloomy, and you might +have been aware that I was out of spirits, I heard nothing but +expressions of delight; to-day, when every creature under heaven +is rejoicing, you look most deplorable and woe-begone. You really +should learn to have a little sympathy." + +The tears fell quickly down Ruth's cheeks, but she did not speak. +She could not put into words the sense she was just beginning to +entertain of the estimation in which she was henceforward to be +held. She thought he would be as much grieved as she was at what +had taken place that morning; she fancied she should sink in his +opinion if she told him how others regarded her; besides, it +seemed ungenerous to dilate upon the suffering of which he was +the cause. + +"I will not," thought she, "embitter his life; I will try and be +cheerful. I must not think of myself so much. If I can but make +him happy, what need I care for chance speeches?" + +Accordingly, she made every effort possible to be as +light-hearted as he was; but, somehow, the moment she relaxed, +thoughts would intrude, and wonders would force themselves upon +her mind: so that altogether she was not the gay and bewitching +companion Mr. Bellingham had previously found her. + +They sauntered out for a walk. The path they chose led to a wood +on the side of a hill, and they entered, glad of the shade of the +trees. At first it appeared like any common grove, but they soon +came to a deep descent, on the summit of which they stood, +looking down on the tree-tops, which were softly waving far +beneath their feet. There was a path leading sharp down, and they +followed it; the ledge of rock made it almost like going down +steps, and their walk grew into a bounding, and their bounding +into a run, before they reached the lowest plane. A green gloom +reigned there; it was the still hour of noon; the little birds +were quiet in some leafy shade. They went on a few yards, and +then they came to a circular pool overshadowed by the trees, +whose highest boughs had been beneath their feet a few minutes +before. The pond was hardly below the surface of the ground, and +there was nothing like a bank on any side. A heron was standing +there motionless, but when he saw them he flapped his wings and +slowly rose; and soared above the green heights of the wood up +into the very sky itself, for at that depth the trees appeared to +touch the round white clouds which brooded over the earth. The +speedwell grew in the shallowest water of the pool, and all +around its margin, but the flowers were hardly seen at first, so +deep was the green shadow cast by the trees. In the very middle +of the pond the sky was mirrored clear and dark, a blue which +looked as if a black void lay behind. + +"Oh, there are water-lilies!" said Ruth, her eye catching on the +farther side. "I must go and get some." + +"No; I will get them for you. The ground is spongy all round +there. Sit still, Ruth; this heap of grass will make a capital +seat." + +He went round, and she waited quietly for his return. When he +came back he took off her bonnet, without speaking, and began to +place his flowers in her hair. She was quite still while he +arranged her coronet, looking up in his face with loving eyes, +with a peaceful composure. She knew that he was pleased from his +manner, which had the joyousness of a child playing with a new +toy, and she did not think twice of his occupation. It was +pleasant to forget everything except his pleasure. When he had +decked her out, he said-- + +"There, Ruth! now you'll do. Come and look at yourself in the +pond. Here, where there are no weeds. Come." + +She obeyed, and could not help seeing her own loveliness; it gave +her a sense of satisfaction for an instant, as the sight of any +other beautiful object would have done, but she never thought of +associating it with herself. She knew that she was beautiful; but +that seemed abstract, and removed from herself. Her existence was +in feeling and thinking, and loving. + +Down in that green hollow they were quite in harmony. Her beauty +was all that Mr. Bellingham cared for, and it was supreme. It was +all he recognised of her, and he was proud of it. She stood in +her white dress against the trees which grew around; her face was +flushed into a brilliancy of colour which resembled that of a +rose in June; the great, heavy, white flowers drooped on either +side of her beautiful head, and if her brown hair was a little +disordered, the very disorder only seemed to add a grace. She +pleased him more by looking so lovely than by all her tender +endeavours to fall in with his varying humour. + +But when they left the wood, and Ruth had taken out her flowers, +and resumed her bonnet, as they came near the inn, the simple +thought of giving him pleasure was not enough to secure Ruth's +peace. She became pensive and sad, and could not rally into +gaiety. + +"Really, Ruth," said he, that evening, "you must not encourage +yourself in this habit of falling into melancholy reveries +without any cause. You have been sighing twenty times during the +last half-hour. Do be a little cheerful. Remember, I have no +companion but you in this out-of-the-way place." + +"I am very sorry," said Ruth, her eyes filling with tears; and +then she remembered that it was very dull for him to be alone +with her, heavy-hearted as she had been all day. She said in a +sweet, penitent tone-- + +"Would you be so kind as to teach me one of those games at cards +you were speaking about yesterday? I would do my best to learn." + +Her soft, murmuring voice won its way. They rang for the cards, +and he soon forgot that there was such a thing as depression or +gloom in the world, in the pleasure of teaching such a beautiful +ignoramus the mysteries of card-playing. + +"There!" said he, at last, "that's enough for one lesson. Do you +know, little goose, your blunders have made me laugh myself into +one of the worst headaches I have had for years. + +He threw himself on the sofa, and in an instant she was by his +side. + +"Let me put my cool hands on your forehead," she begged; "that +used to do mamma good." + +He lay still, his face away from the light, and not speaking. +Presently he fell asleep. Ruth put out the candles, and sat +patiently by him for a long time, fancying he would awaken +refreshed. The room grew cold in the night air; but Ruth dared +not rouse him from what appeared to be sound, restoring slumber. +She covered him with her shawl, which she had thrown over a chair +on coming in from their twilight ramble. She had ample time to +think; but she tried to banish thought. At last, his breathing +became: quick and oppressed, and, after listening to it for some +minutes with increasing affright, Ruth ventured to awaken him. He +seemed stupefied and shivery. Ruth became more and more +terrified; all the household were asleep except one servant-girl, +who was wearied out of what little English she had knowledge of +in more waking hours, and could only answer, "Iss, indeed, +ma'am," to any question put to her by Ruth. + +She sat by the bedside all night long. He moaned and tossed, but +never spoke sensibly. It was a new form of illness to the +miserable Ruth. Her yesterday's suffering went into the black +distance of long-past years. The present was all in all. When she +heard people stirring, she went in search of Mrs. Morgan, whose +shrewd, sharp manners, unsoftened by inward respect for the poor +girl, had awed Ruth even when Mr. Bellingham was by to protect +her. + +"Mrs. Morgan," she said, sitting down in the little parlour +appropriated to the landlady, for she felt her strength suddenly +desert her--"Mrs. Morgan, I'm afraid Mr. Bellingham is very +ill;"--here she burst into tears, but instantly checking herself, +"Oh, what must I do?" continued she; "I don't think he has known +anything all through the night, and he looks so strange and wild +this morning." + +She gazed up into Mrs. Morgan's face, as if reading an oracle. + +"Indeed, miss, ma'am, and it's a very awkward thing. But don't +cry, that can do no good; 'deed it can't. I'll go and see the +poor young man myself, and then I can judge if a doctor is +wanting." + +Ruth followed Mrs. Morgan upstairs. When they entered the +sick-room Mr. Bellingham was sitting up in bed, looking wildly +about him, and as he saw them, he exclaimed-- + +"Ruth! Ruth! come here; I won't be left alone!" and then he fell +down exhausted on the pillow. Mrs. Morgan went up and spoke to +him, but he did not answer or take any notice. + +"I'll send for Mr. Jones, my dear, 'deed and I will; we'll have +him here in a couple of hours, please God." + +"Oh, can't he come sooner?" asked Ruth, wild with terror. + +"'Deed no! he lives at Llanglas when he's at home, and that's +seven mile away, and he may be gone a round eight or nine mile on +the other side Llanglas; but I'll send a boy on the pony +directly." + +Saying this, Mrs. Morgan left Ruth alone. There was nothing to be +done, for Mr. Bellingham had again fallen into heavy sleep. +Sounds of daily life began, bells rang, break-fast-services +clattered up and down the passages, and Ruth sat on shivering by +the bedside in that darkened room. Mrs. Morgan sent her breakfast +upstairs by a chambermaid; but Ruth motioned it away in her sick +agony, and the girl had no right to urge her to partake of it. +That alone broke the monotony of the long morning. She heard the +sound of merry parties setting out on excursions, on horseback or +in carriages; and once, stiff and wearied, she stole to the +window, and looked out on one side of the blind; but the day +looked bright and discordant to her aching, anxious heart. The +gloom of the darkened room was better and more befitting. + +It was some hours after he was summoned before the doctor made +his appearance. He questioned his patient, and, receiving no +coherent answer, he asked Ruth concerning the symptoms; but when +she questioned him in turn he only shook his head and looked +grave. He made a sign to Mrs. Morgan to follow him out of the +room, and they went down to her parlour, leaving Ruth in a depth +of despair, lower than she could have thought it possible there +remained for her to experience, an hour before. + +"I am afraid this is a bad case," said Mr. Jones to Mrs. Morgan +in Welsh. "A brain-fever has evidently set in." + +"Poor young gentleman! poor young man! He looked the very picture +of health!" + +"That very appearance of robustness will, in all probability, +make his disorder more violent. However, we must hope for the +best, Mrs. Morgan. Who is to attend upon him? He will require +careful nursing. Is that young lady his sister? She looks too +young to be his wife?" + +"No, indeed! Gentlemen like you must know, Mr. Jones, that we +can't always look too closely into the ways of young men who come +to our houses. Not but what I am sorry for her, for she's an +innocent, inoffensive young creature. I always think it right, +for my own morals, to put a little scorn into my manners when +such as her come to stay here; but indeed, she's so gentle, I've +found it hard work to show the proper contempt." + +She would have gone on to her inattentive listener if she had not +heard a low tap at the door, which recalled her from her +morality, and Mr. Jones from his consideration of the necessary +prescriptions. + +"Come in!" said Mrs. Morgan sharply. And Ruth came in. She was +white and trembling; but she stood in that dignity which strong +feeling, kept down by self-command, always imparts. + +"I wish you, sir, to be so kind as to tell me, clearly and +distinctly, what I must do for Mr. Bellingham. Every direction +you give me shall be most carefully attended to. You spoke about +leeches--I can put them on, and see about them. Tell me +everything, sir, that you wish to have done!" + +Her manner was calm and serious, and her countenance and +deportment showed that the occasion was calling out strength +sufficient to meet it. Mr. Jones spoke with a deference which he +had not thought of using upstairs, even while he supposed her to +be the sister of the invalid. Ruth listened gravely; she repeated +some of the injunctions, in order that she might be sure that she +fully comprehended them, and then, bowing, left the room. + +"She is no common person," said Mr. Jones. "Still she is too +young to have the responsibility of such a serious case. Have you +any idea where his friends live, Mrs. Morgan?" + +"Indeed and I have. His mother, as haughty a lady as you would +wish to see, came travelling through Wales last year; she stopped +here, and, I warrant you, nothing was good enough for her; she +was real quality. She left some clothes and hooks behind her (for +the maid was almost as fine as the mistress, and little thought +of seeing after her lady's clothes, having a taste for going to +see scenery along with the man-servant), and we had several +letters from her. I have them locked in the drawers in the bar, +where I keep such things." + +"Well, I should recommend your writing to the lady, and telling +her her son's state." + +"It would be a favour, Mr. Jones, if you would just write it +yourself. English writing comes so strange to my pen." + +The letter was written, and, in order to save time, Mr. Jones +took it to the Llanglas post-office. + + +CHAPTER VII + + +THE CRISIS---WATCHING AND WAITING + +Ruth put away every thought of the past or future; everything +that could unfit her for the duties of the present. Exceeding +love supplied the place of experience. She never left the room +after the first day; she forced herself to eat, because his +service needed her strength. She did not indulge in any tears, +because the weeping she longed for would make her less able to +attend upon him. She watched, and waited, and prayed; prayed with +an utter forgetfulness of self, only with a consciousness that +God was all-powerful, and that he, whom she loved so much, needed +the aid of the Mighty One. + +Day and night, the summer night, seemed merged into one. She lost +count of time in the hushed and darkened room. One morning Mrs. +Morgan beckoned her out; and she stole on tiptoe into the +dazzling gallery, on one side of which the bedrooms opened. + +"She's come," whispered Mrs. Morgan, looking very much excited, +and forgetting that Ruth had never heard that Mrs. Bellingham had +been summoned. + +"Who is come?" asked Ruth. The idea of Mrs. Mason flashed through +her mind--but with a more terrible, because a more vague, dread +she heard that it was his mother; the mother of whom he had +always spoken as a person whose opinion was to be regarded more +than that of any other individual. + +"What must I do? Will she be angry with me?" said she, relapsing +into her child-like dependence on others; and feeling that even +Mrs. Morgan was some one to stand between her and Mrs. +Bellingham. + +Mrs. Morgan herself was a little perplexed. Her morality was +rather shocked at the idea of a proper real lady like Mrs. +Bellingham discovering that she had winked at the connection +between her son and Ruth. She was quite inclined to encourage +Ruth in her inclination to shrink out of Mrs. Bellingham's +observation, an inclination which arose from no definite +consciousness of having done wrong, but principally from the +representations she had always heard of the lady's awfulness. +Mrs. Bellingham swept into her son's room as if she were +unconscious what poor young creature had lately haunted it; while +Ruth hurried into some unoccupied bedroom, and, alone there, she +felt her self-restraint suddenly give way, and burst into the +saddest, most utterly wretched weeping she had ever known. She +was worn out with watching, and exhausted by passionate crying, +and she lay down on the bed and fell asleep. The day passed on; +she slumbered unnoticed and unregarded; she awoke late in the +evening with a sense of having done wrong in sleeping so long; +the strain upon her responsibility had not yet left her. Twilight +was closing fast around; she waited until it had become night, +and then she stole down to Mrs. Morgan's parlour. + +"If you please, may I come in?" asked she. + +Jenny Morgan was doing up the hieroglyphics which she called her +accounts; she answered sharp enough, but it was a permission to +enter, and Ruth was thankful for it. + +"Will you tell me how he is? Do you think I may go back to him?" + +"No, indeed, that you may not. Nest, who has made his room tidy +these many days, is not fit to go in now. Mrs. Bellingham has +brought her own maid, and the family nurse and Mr. Bellingham's +man; such a tribe of servants, and no end to packages; water-beds +coming by the carrier, and a doctor from London coming down +to-morrow, as if feather-beds and Mr. Jones was not good enough. +Why, she won't let a soul of us into the room; there's no chance +for you!" + +Ruth sighed. "How is he?" she inquired, after a pause. + +"How can I tell, indeed, when I am not allowed to go near him? +Mr. Jones said to-night was a turning-point; but I doubt it, for +it is four days since he was taken ill, and who ever heard of a +sick person taking a turn on an even number of days? It's alway +on the third, or the fifth, or seventh, or so on. He'll not turn +till to-morrow night, take my word for it, and their fine London +doctor will get all the credit, and honest Mr. Jones will be +thrown aside. I don't think he will get better myself, +though--Gelert does not howl for nothing. My patience what's the +matter with the girl?--Lord, child, you're never going to faint, +and be ill on my hands?" Her sharp voice recalled Ruth from the +sick unconsciousness that had been creeping over her as she +listened to the latter part of this speech. She sat down and +could not speak--the room whirled round and round--her white +feebleness touched Mrs. Morgan's heart. + +"You've had no tea, I guess. Indeed, and the girls are very +careless." She rang the bell with energy, and seconded her pull +by going to the door and shouting out sharp directions, in Welsh, +to Nest and Gwen, and three or four other rough, kind, slatternly +servants. + +They brought her tea, which was comfortable, according to the +idea of comfort prevalent in that rude hospitable place; there +was plenty to eat; too much indeed, for it revolted the appetite +it was intended to provoke. But the heartiness with which the +kind rosy waiter pressed her to eat, and the scolding Mrs. Morgan +gave her when she found the buttered toast untouched (toast on +which she had herself desired that the butter might not be +spared), did Ruth more good than the tea. She began to hope, and +to long for the morning when hope might have become certainty. It +was all in vain that she was told that the room she had been in +all day was at her service; she did not say a word, but she was +not going to bed that night of all nights in the year, when life +or death hung trembling in the balance. She went into the bedroom +till the bustling house was still, and heard busy feet passing to +and fro into the room she might not enter; and voices, imperious, +though hushed down to a whisper, ask for innumerable things. Then +there was silence: and when she thought that all were dead +asleep, except the watchers, she stole out into the gallery. On +the other side were two windows, cut into the thick stone wall, +and flower-pots were placed on the shelves thus formed, where +great untrimmed, straggling geraniums grew, and strove to reach +the light. The window near Mr. Bellingham's door was open; the +soft, warm-scented night-air came sighing in in faint gusts, and +then was still. It was summer; there was no black darkness in the +twenty-four hours; only the light grew dusky, and colour +disappeared from objects, of which the shape and form remained +distinct. A soft grey oblong of barred light fell on the flat +wall opposite to the windows, and deeper grey shadows marked out +the tracery of the plants, more graceful thus than in reality. +Ruth crouched where no light fell. She sat on the ground close by +the door; her whole existence was absorbed in listening: all was +still; it was only her heart beating with the strong, heavy, +regular sound of a hammer. She wished she could stop its rushing, +incessant clang. She heard a rustle of a silken gown, and knew it +ought not to have been worn in a sick-room; for her senses seemed +to have passed into the keeping of the invalid, and to feel only +as he felt. The noise was probably occasioned by some change of +posture in the watcher inside, for it was once more dead-still. +The soft wind outside sank with a low, long, distant moan among +the windings of the hills, and lost itself there, and came no +more again. But Ruth's heart beat loud. She rose with as little +noise as if she were a vision, and crept to the open window to +try and lose the nervous listening for the ever-recurring sound. +Out beyond, under the calm sky, veiled with a mist rather than +with a cloud, rose the high, dark outlines of the mountains, +shutting in that village as if it lay in a nest. They stood, like +giants, solemnly watching for the end of Earth and Time. Here and +there a black round shadow reminded Ruth of some "Cwm," or +hollow, where she and her lover had rambled in sun and in +gladness. She then thought the land enchanted into everlasting +brightness and happiness; she fancied, then, that into a region +so lovely no bale or woe could enter, but would be charmed away +and disappear before the sight of the glorious guardian +mountains. Now she knew the truth, that earth has no barrier +which avails against agony. It comes lightning-like down from +heaven, into the mountain house and the town garret; into the +palace and into the cottage. The garden lay close under the +house; a bright spot enough by day; for in that soil, whatever +was planted grew and blossomed in spite of neglect. The white +roses glimmered out in the dusk all the night through; the red +were lost in shadow. Between the low boundary of the garden and +the hills swept one or two green meadows; Ruth looked into the +grey darkness till she traced each separate wave of outline. Then +she heard a little restless bird chirp out its wakefulness from a +nest in the ivy round the walls of the house. But the mother-bird +spread her soft feathers, and hushed it into silence. Presently, +however, many little birds began to scent the coming dawn, and +rustled among the leaves, and chirruped loud and clear. Just +above the horizon, too, the mist became a silvery grey cloud +hanging on the edge of the world; presently it turned shimmering +white; and then, in an instant, it flushed into rose, and the +mountain-tops sprang into heaven, and bathed in the presence of +the shadow of God. With a bound, the sun of a molten fiery red +came above the horizon, and immediately thousands of little birds +sang out for joy, and a soft chorus of mysterious, glad murmurs +came forth from the earth; the low whispering wind left its +hiding-place among the clefts and hollows of the hills, and +wandered among the rustling herbs and trees, waking the +flower-buds to the life of another day. Ruth gave a sigh of +relief that the night was over and gone; for she knew that soon +suspense would be ended, and the verdict known, whether for life +or for death. She grew faint and sick with anxiety; it almost +seemed as if she must go into the room and learn the truth. Then +she heard movements, but they were not sharp nor rapid, as if +prompted by any emergency; then, again, it was still. She sat +curled up upon the floor, with her head thrown back against the +wall, and her hands clasped round her knees. She had yet to wait. +Meanwhile, the invalid was slowly rousing himself from a long, +deep, sound, health-giving sleep. His mother had sat by him the +night through, and was now daring to change her position for the +first time; she was even venturing to give directions in a low +voice to the old nurse, who had dozed away in an arm-chair, ready +to obey any summons of her mistress. Mrs. Bellingham went on +tiptoe towards the door, and chiding herself because her stiff, +weary limbs made some slight noise. She had an irrepressible +longing for a few minutes' change of scene after her night of +watching. She felt that the crisis was over; and the relief to +her mind made her conscious of every bodily feeling and +irritation, which had passed unheeded as long as she had been in +suspense. + +She slowly opened the door. Ruth sprang upright at the first +sound of the creaking handle. Her very lips were stiff and +unpliable with the force of the blood which rushed to her head. +It seemed as if she could not form words. She stood right before +Mrs. Bellingham. "How is he, madam?" + +Mrs. Bellingham was for a moment surprised at the white +apparition which seemed to rise out of the ground. But her quick, +proud mind understood it all in an instant. This was the girl, +then, whose profligacy had led her son astray; had raised up +barriers in the way of her favourite scheme of his marriage with +Miss Duncombe; nay, this was the real cause of his illness, his +mortal danger at this present time, and of her bitter, keen +anxiety. If, under any circumstances, Mrs. Bellingham could have +been guilty of the ill-breeding of not answering a question, it +was now; and for a moment she was tempted to pass on in silence. +Ruth could not wait; she spoke again-- + +"For the love of God, madam, speak! How is he? Will he live?" If +she did not answer her, she thought the creature was desperate +enough to force her way into his room. So she spoke-- + +"He has slept well: he is better." + +"Oh! my God, I thank thee," murmured Ruth, sinking back against +the wall. It was too much to hear this wretched girl thanking God +for her son's life; as if, in fact, she had any lot or part in +him. And to dare to speak to the Almighty on her son's behalf! +Mrs. Bellingham looked at her with cold, contemptuous eyes, whose +glances were like ice-bolts, and made Ruth shiver up away from +them. + +"Young woman, if you have any propriety or decency left, I trust +that you will not dare to force yourself into his room." + +She stood for a moment as if awaiting an answer, and half +expecting it to be a defiance. But she did not understand Ruth. +She did not imagine the faithful trustfulness of her heart. Ruth +believed that, if Mr. Bellingham was alive and likely to live, +all was well. When he wanted her, he would send for her, ask for +her, yearn for her, till every one would yield before his +steadfast will. At present she imagined that he was probably too +weak to care or know who was about him; and though it would have +been an infinite delight to her to hover and brood around him, +yet it was of him she thought and not of herself. She gently drew +herself on one side to make way for Mrs. Bellingham to pass. + +By and by Mrs. Morgan came up. Ruth was still near the door, from +which it seemed as if she could not tear herself away. + +"Indeed, miss, and you must not hang about the door in this way; +it is not pretty manners. Mrs. Bellingham has been speaking very +sharp and cross about it, and I shall lose the character of my +inn if people take to talking as she does. Did I not give you a +room last night to keep in, and never be seen or heard of; and +did I not tell you what a particular lady Mrs. Bellingham was, +but you must come out here right in her way? Indeed, it was not +pretty, nor grateful to me, Jenny Morgan, and that I must say." + +Ruth turned away like a chidden child. Mrs. Morgan followed her +to her room, scolding as she went; and then, having cleared her +heart after her wont by uttering hasty words, her real kindness +made her add, in a softened tone-- + +"You stop up here like a good girl. I'll send you your breakfast +by-and-by, and let you know from time to time how he is; and you +can go out for a walk, you know: but if you do, I'll take it as a +favour if you'll go out by the side-door. It will, maybe, save +scandal." + +All that day long, Ruth kept herself close prisoner in the room +to which Mrs. Morgan accorded her; all that day, and many +succeeding days. But at nights, when the house was still, and +even the little brown mice had gathered up the crumbs, and darted +again to their holes, Ruth stole out, and crept to his door to +catch, if she could, the sound of his beloved voice. She could +tell by its tones how he felt, and how he was getting on, as well +as any of the watchers in the room. She yearned and pined to see +him once more; but she had reasoned herself down into something +like patience. When he was well enough to leave his room, when he +had not always one of the nurses with him, then he would send for +her, and she would tell him how very patient she had been for his +dear sake. But it was long to wait, even with this thought of the +manner in which the waiting would end. Poor Ruth! her faith was +only building up vain castles in the air; they towered up into +heaven, it is true; but, after all, they were but visions. + + +CHAPTER VIII + + +MRS. BELLINGHAM "DOES THE THING HANDSOMELY" + +If Mr. Bellingham did not get rapidly well, it was more owing to +the morbid querulous fancy attendant on great weakness than from +any unfavourable medical symptom. But he turned away with peevish +loathing from the very sight of food, prepared in the slovenly +manner which had almost disgusted him when he was well. It was of +no use telling him that Simpson, his mother's maid, had +superintended the preparation at every point. He offended her by +detecting something offensive and to be avoided in her daintiest +messes, and made Mrs. Morgan mutter many a hasty speech, which, +however, Mrs. Bellingham thought it better not to hear until her +son should be strong enough to travel. + +"I think you are better to-day," said she, as his man wheeled his +sofa to the bedroom window. "We shall get you downstairs +to-morrow." + +"If you were to get away from this abominable place, I could go +down to-day; but I believe I'm to be kept prisoner here for ever. +I shall never get well here, I'm sure." + +He sank back on his sofa in impatient despair. The surgeon was +announced, and eagerly questioned by Mrs. Bellingham as to the +possibility of her son's removal; and he, having heard the same +anxiety for the same end expressed by Mrs. Morgan in the regions +below, threw no great obstacles in the way. After the doctor had +taken his departure, Mrs. Bellingham cleared her throat several +times. Mr. Bellingham knew the prelude of old, and winced with +nervous annoyance. + +"Henry, there is something I must speak to you about; an +unpleasant subject, certainly, but one which has been forced upon +me by the very girl herself; you must be aware to what I refer +without giving me the pain of explaining myself." Mr. Bellingham +turned himself sharply round to the wall, and prepared himself +for a lecture by concealing his face from her notice; but she +herself was in too nervous a state to be capable of observation. + +"Of course," she continued, "it was my wish to be as blind to the +whole affair as possible, though you can't imagine how Mrs. Mason +has blazoned it abroad; all Fordham rings with it but of course +it could not be pleasant, or, indeed, I may say correct, for me +to be aware that a person of such improper character was under +the same--I beg your pardon, dear Henry, what do you say?" + +"Ruth is no improper character, mother; you do her injustice!" + +"My dear boy, you don't mean to uphold her as a paragon of +virtue!" + +"No, mother, but I led her wrong; I----" + +"We will let all discussions into the cause or duration of her +present character drop, if you please," said Mrs. Bellingham, +with the sort of dignified authority which retained a certain +power over her son--a power which originated in childhood, and +which he only defied when he was roused into passion. He was too +weak in body to oppose himself to her, and fight the ground inch +by inch. "As I have implied, I do not wish to ascertain your +share of blame; from what I saw of her one morning, I am +convinced of her forward, intrusive manners, utterly without +shame, or even common modesty." + +"What are you referring to?" asked Mr. Bellingham sharply. + +"Why, when you were at the worst, and I had been watching you all +night, and had just gone out in the morning for a breath of fresh +air, this girl pushed herself before me, and insisted upon +speaking to me. I really had to send Mrs. Morgan to her before I +could return to your room. A more impudent, hardened manner, I +never saw." + +"Ruth was neither impudent nor hardened; she was ignorant enough, +and might offend from knowing no better." + +He was getting weary of the discussion, and wished it had never +been begun. From the time he had become conscious of his mother's +presence he had felt the dilemma he was in, in regard to Ruth, +and various plans had directly crossed his brain; but it had been +so troublesome to weigh and consider them all properly, that they +had been put aside to be settled when he grew stronger. But this +difficulty in which he was placed by his connection with Ruth, +associated the idea of her in his mind with annoyance and angry +regret at the whole affair. He wished, in the languid way in +which he wished and felt everything not immediately relating to +his daily comfort, that he had never seen her. It was a most +awkward, a most unfortunate affair. Notwithstanding this +annoyance connected with and arising out of Ruth, he would not +submit to hear her abused; and something in his manner impressed +this on his mother, for she immediately changed her mode of +attack. + +"We may as well drop all dispute as to the young woman's manners; +but I suppose you do not mean to defend your connection with her; +I suppose you are not so lost to all sense of propriety as to +imagine it fit or desirable that your mother and this degraded +girl should remain under the same roof, liable to meet at any +hour of the day?" She waited for an answer, but no answer came. + +"I ask you a simple question; is it, or is it not, desirable?" + +"I suppose it is not," he replied gloomily. + +"And I suppose, from your manner, that you think the difficulty +would be best solved by my taking my departure, and leaving you +with your vicious companion?" Again no answer, but inward and +increasing annoyance, of which Mr. Bellingham considered Ruth the +cause. At length he spoke-- + +"Mother, you are not helping me in my difficulty. I have no +desire to banish you, nor to hurt you, after all your care for +me. Ruth has not been so much to blame as you imagine, that I +must say; but I do not wish to see her again, if you can tell me +how to arrange it otherwise, without behaving unhandsomely. Only +spare me all this worry a while, I am so weak. I put myself in +your hands. Dismiss her, as you wish it; but let it be done +handsomely, and let me hear no more about it; I cannot bear it; +let me have a quiet life, without being lectured, while I am pent +up here, and unable to shake off unpleasant thoughts." + +"My dear Henry, rely upon me." + +"No more, mother; it's a bad business, and I can hardly avoid +blaming myself in the matter. I don't want to dwell upon it." + +"Don't be too severe in your self-reproaches while you are so +feeble, dear Henry; it is right to repent, but I have no doubt +in. my own mind she led you wrong with her artifices. But, as you +say, everything should be done handsomely. I confess I was deeply +grieved when I first heard of the affair, but since I have seen +the girl----Well! I'll say no more about her, since I see it +displeases you; but I am thankful to God that you see the error +of your ways. She sat silent, thinking for a little while, and +then sent for her writing-case and began to write. Her son became +restless, and nervously irritated. + +"Mother," he said, "this affair worries me to death. I cannot +shake off the thoughts of it." + +"Leave it to me, I'll arrange it satisfactorily." + +"Could we not leave to-night? I should not be so haunted by this +annoyance in another place. I dread seeing her again, because I +fear a scene; and yet I believe I ought to see her in order to +explain." + +"You must not think of such a thing, Henry," said she, alarmed at +the very idea. + +"Sooner than that, we will leave in half-an-hour, and try to get +to Pen tre Voelas to-night. It is not yet three, and the evenings +are very long. Simpson should stay and finish the packing; she +could go straight to London and meet us there. Macdonald and +nurse could go with us. Could you bear twenty miles, do you +think?" + +Anything to get rid of his uneasiness. He felt that he was not +behaving as he should do to Ruth, though the really right never +entered his head. But it would extricate him from his present +dilemma, and save him many lectures; he knew that his mother, +always liberal where money was concerned, would "do the thing +handsomely"; and it would always be easy to write and give Ruth +what explanation he felt inclined, in a day or two; so he +consented, and soon lost some of his uneasiness in watching the +bustle of the preparation for their departure. All this time Ruth +was quietly spending in her room, beguiling the waiting, weary +hours, with pictures of the meeting at the end. Her room looked +to the back, and was in a side-wing away from the principal state +apartments, consequently she was not roused to suspicion by any +of the commotion; but, indeed, if she had heard the banging of +doors, the sharp directions, the carriage-wheels, she would still +not have suspected the truth; her own love was too faithful. + +It was four o'clock and past, when some one knocked at her door, +and, on entering, gave her a note, which Mrs. Bellingham had +left. That lady had found some difficulty in wording it so as to +satisfy herself, but it was as follows:-- + +"My son, on recovering from his illness, is, I thank God, happily +conscious of the sinful way in which he has been living with you. +By his earnest desire, and in order to avoid seeing you again, we +are on the point of leaving this place; but, before I go, I wish +to exhort you to repentance, and to remind you that you will not +have your own guilt alone upon your head, but that of any young +man whom you may succeed in entrapping into vice. I shall pray +that you may turn to an honest life, and I strongly recommend +you, if indeed you are not 'dead in trespasses and sins,' to +enter some penitentiary. In accordance with my son's wishes, I +forward you in this envelope a bank-note of fifty pounds. + +"MARGARET BELLINGHAM." + +Was this the end of all? Had he, indeed, gone? She started up, +and asked this last question of the servant, who, half guessing +at the purport of the note, had lingered about the room, curious +to see the effect produced. + +"Iss, indeed, miss; the carriage drove from the door as I came +upstairs. You'll see it now on the Yspytty road, if you'll please +to come to the window of No. 24." + +Ruth started up and followed the chambermaid. Ay, there it was, +slowly winding up the steep, white road, on which it seemed to +move at a snail's pace. + +She might overtake him--she might--she might speak one farewell +word to him, print his face on her heart with a last look--nay, +when he saw her he might retract, and not utterly, for ever, +leave her. Thus she thought; and she flew back to her room, and +snatching up her bonnet, ran, tying the strings with her +trembling hands as she went down the stairs, out at the nearest +door, little heeding the angry words of Mrs. Morgan; for the +hostess, more irritated at Mrs. Bellingham's severe upbraiding at +parting, than mollified by her ample payment, was offended by the +circumstance of Ruth, in her wild haste, passing through the +prohibited front door. + +But Ruth was away before Mrs. Morgan had finished her speech, out +and away, scudding along the road, thought-lost in the breathless +rapidity of her motion. Though her heart and head beat almost to +bursting, what did it signify if she could but overtake the +carriage? It was a nightmare, constantly evading the most +passionate wishes and endeavours, and constantly gaining ground. +Every time it was visible it was in fact more distant, but Ruth +would not believe it. If she could but gain the summit of that +weary everlasting hill, she believed that she could run again, +and would soon be nigh upon the carriage. As she ran she prayed +with wild eagerness; she prayed that she might see his face once +more, even if she died on the spot before him. It was one of +those prayers which God is too merciful to grant; but, despairing +and wild as it was, Ruth put her soul into it, and prayed it +again, and yet again. + +Wave above wave of the ever-rising hills were gained, were +crossed, and at last Ruth struggled up to the very top and stood +on the bare table of moor, brown and purple, stretching far away +till it was lost in the haze of the summer afternoon; the white +road was all flat before her, but the carriage she sought, and +the figure she sought, had disappeared. There was no human being +there; a few wild, black-faced mountain sheep, quietly grazing +near the road as if it were long since they had been disturbed, +by the passing of any vehicle, was all the life she saw on the +bleak moorland. + +She threw herself down on the ling by the side of the road, in +despair. Her only hope was to die, and she believed she was +dying. She could not think; she could believe anything. Surely +life was a horrible dream, and God would mercifully awaken her +from it? She had no penitence, no consciousness of error or +offence no knowledge of any one circumstance but that he was +gone. Yet afterwards--long afterwards--she remembered the exact +motion of a bright green beetle busily meandering among the wild +thyme near her, and she recalled the musical, balanced, wavering +drop of a skylark into her nest, near the heather-bed where she +lay. The sun was sinking low, the hot air had ceased to quiver +near the hotter earth, when she bethought her once more of the +note which she had impatiently thrown down before half mastering +its contents. "Oh, perhaps," she thought, "I have been too hasty. +There may be some words of explanation from him on the other side +of the page, to which, in my blind anguish, I never turned. I +will go and find it." + +She lifted herself heavily and stiffly from the crushed heather. +She stood dizzy and confused with her change of posture; and was +so unable to move at first, that her walk was but slow and +tottering; but, by-and-by, she was tasked and goaded by thoughts +which forced her into rapid motion, as if, by it, she could +escape from her agony. She came down on the level ground, just as +many gay or peaceful groups were sauntering leisurely home with +hearts at ease; with low laughs and quiet smiles, and many an +exclamation at the beauty of the summer evening. + +Ever since her adventure with the little boy and his sister, Ruth +had habitually avoided encountering these happy--innocents, may I +call them?--these happy fellow-mortals! And even now, the habit +grounded on sorrowful humiliation had power over her; she paused, +and then, on looking back, she saw more people who had come into +the main road from a side-path. She opened a gate into a +pasture-field, and crept up to the hedge-bank until all should +have passed by, and she could steal into the inn unseen. She sat +down on the sloping turf by the roots of an old hawthorn tree +which grew in the hedge; she was still tearless, with hot burning +eyes; she heard the merry walkers pass by; she heard the +footsteps of the village children as they ran along to their +evening play; she saw the small black cows come into the fields +after being milked; and life seemed yet abroad. When would the +world be still and dark, and fit for such a deserted, desolate +creature as she was? Even in her hiding-place she was not long at +peace. The little children, with their curious eyes peering here +and there, had peeped through the hedge, and through the gate, +and now they gathered from all the four corners of the hamlet, +and crowded round the gate; and one more adventurous than the +rest had run into the field to cry, "Gi' me a halfpenny," which +set the example to every little one, emulous of his boldness; and +there, where she sat, low on the ground, and longing for the sure +hiding-place earth gives to the weary, the children kept running +in, and pushing one another forwards and laughing. Poor things! +their time had not come for understanding what sorrow is. Ruth +would have begged them to leave her alone, and not madden her +utterly; but they knew no English save the one eternal "Gi' me a +halfpenny." She felt in her heart that there was no pity +anywhere. Suddenly, while she thus doubted God, a shadow fell +across her garments, on which her miserable eyes were bent. She +looked up. The deformed gentleman she had twice before seen stood +there. He had been attracted by the noisy little crowd, and had +questioned them in Welsh; but, not understanding enough of the +language to comprehend their answers, he had obeyed their signs, +and entered the gate to which they pointed. There he saw the +young girl whom he had noticed at first for her innocent beauty, +and the second time for the idea he had gained respecting her +situation; there he saw her, crouched up like some hunted +creature, with a wild, scared look of despair, which almost made +her lovely face seem fierce; he saw her dress soiled and dim, her +bonnet crushed and battered with her tossings to and fro on the +moorland bed; he saw the poor, lost wanderer, and when he saw her +he had compassion on her. + +There was some look of heavenly pity In his eyes, as gravely and +sadly they met her upturned gaze, which touched her stony heart. +Still looking at him, as if drawing some good influence from him, +she said low and mournfully, "He has left me, sir!--sir, he has +indeed!--he has gone and left me!" + +Before he could speak a word to comfort her, she had burst into +the wildest, dreariest crying ever mortal cried. The settled form +of the event, when put into words, went sharp to her heart; her +moans and sobs wrung his soul; but, as no speech of his could be +heard, if he had been able to decide what best to say, he stood +by her in apparent calmness, while she, wretched, wailed and +uttered her woe. But when she lay worn out, and stupefied into +silence, she heard him say to himself in a low voice-- + +"Oh, my God! for Christ's sake, pity her I" + +Ruth lifted up her eyes, and looked at him with a dim perception +of the meaning of his words. She regarded him fixedly in a dreamy +way, as if they struck some chord in her heart, and she were +listening to its echo; and so it was. His pitiful look, or his +words, reminded her of the childish days when she knelt at her +mother's knee; and she was only conscious of a straining, longing +desire to recall it all. + +He let her take her time, partly because he was powerfully +affected himself by all the circumstances, and by the sad pale +face upturned to his; and partly by an instinctive consciousness +that the softest patience was required. But suddenly she startled +him, as she herself was startled into a keen sense of the +suffering agony of the present; she sprang up and pushed him +aside, and went rapidly towards the gate of the field. He could +not move as quickly as most men, but he put forth his utmost +speed. He followed across the road, on to the rocky common; but, +as he went along, with his uncertain gait, in the dusk gloaming, +he stumbled, and fell over some sharp projecting stone. The acute +pain which shot up his back forced a short cry from him; and, +when bird and beast are hushed into rest and the stillness of +night is over all, a high-pitched sound, like the voice of pain, +is carried far in the quiet air. Ruth, speeding on in her +despair, heard the sharp utterance, and stopped suddenly short. +It did what no remonstrance could have done; it called her out of +herself. The tender nature was in her still, in that hour when +all good angels seemed to have abandoned her. In the old days she +could never bear to hear or see bodily suffering in any of God's +meanest creatures, without trying to succour them; and now, in +her rush to the awful death of the suicide, she stayed her wild +steps, and turned to find from whom that sharp sound of anguish +had issued. + +He lay among the white stones, too faint with pain to move, but +with an agony in his mind far keener than any bodily pain, as he +thought that by his unfortunate fall he had lost all chance of +saving her. He was almost over-powered by his intense +thankfulness when he saw her white figure pause, and stand +listening, and turn again with slow footsteps, as if searching +for some lost thing. He could hardly speak, but he made a sound +which, though his heart was inexpressibly glad, was like a groan. +She came quickly towards him. + +"I am hurt," said he; "do not leave me;" his disabled and tender +frame was overcome by the accident and the previous emotions, and +he fainted away. Ruth flew to the little mountain stream, the +dashing sound of whose waters had been tempting her, but a moment +before, to seek forgetfulness in the deep pool into which they +fell. She made a basin of her joined hands, and carried enough of +the cold fresh water back to dash into his face and restore him +to consciousness. While he still kept silence, uncertain what to +say best fitted to induce her to listen to him, she said softly-- + +"Are you better, sir?--are you very much hurt?" + +"Not very much; I am better. Any quick movement is apt to cause +me a sudden loss of power in my back, and I believe I stumbled +over some of these projecting stones. It will soon go off; and +you will help me to go home, I am sure." + +"Oh, yes! Can you go now? I am afraid of your lying too long on +this heather; there is a heavy dew." + +He was so anxious to comply with her wish, and not weary out her +thought for him, and so turn her back upon herself, that he tried +to rise. The pain was acute, and this she saw. + +"Don't hurry yourself, sir; I can wait." + +Then came across her mind the recollection of the business that +was thus deferred; but the few homely words which had been +exchanged between them seemed to have awakened her from her +madness. She sat down by him, and covering her face with her +hands, cried mournfully and unceasingly. She forgot his presence, +and yet she had a consciousness that some one looked for her kind +offices, that she was wanted in the world, and must not rush +hastily out of it. The consciousness did not 'take this definite +form, it did not become a thought, but it kept her still, and it +was gradually soothing her. + +"Can you help me to rise now?" said he, after a while. She did +not speak, but she helped him up, and then he took her arm, and +she led him tenderly through all the little velvet paths, where +the turf grew short and soft between the rugged stones. Once more +on the highway, they slowly passed along in the moonlight. He +guided her by a slight motion of the arm, through the more +unfrequented lanes, to his lodgings at the shop; for he thought +for her, and conceived the pain she would have in seeing the +lighted windows of the inn. He leant more heavily on her arm, as +they awaited the opening of the door. + +"Come in," said he, not relaxing his hold, and yet dreading to +tighten it, lest she should defy restraint, and once more rush +away. + +They went slowly into the little parlour behind the shop. The +bonny-looking hostess, Mrs. Hughes by name, made haste to light +the candle, and then they saw each other, face to face. The +deformed gentleman looked very pale, but Ruth looked as if the +shadow of death was upon her. + + +CHAPTER IX + + +THE STORM-SPIRIT SUBDUED + +Mrs. Hughes bustled about with many a sympathetic exclamation, +now in pretty broken English, now in more fluent Welsh, which +sounded as soft as Russian or Italian, in her musical voice. Mr. +Benson, for that was the name of the hunchback, lay on the sofa +thinking; while the tender Mrs. Hughes made every arrangement for +his relief from pain. He had lodged with her for three successive +years, and she knew and loved him. + +Ruth stood in the little bow-window, looking out. Across the +moon, and over the deep blue heavens, large, torn, +irregular-shaped clouds went hurrying, as if summoned by some +storm-spirit. The work they were commanded to do was not here; +the mighty gathering-place lay eastward, immeasurable leagues; +and on they went, chasing each other over the silent earth, now +black, now silver-white at one transparent edge, now with the +moon shining like Hope through their darkest centre, now again +with a silver lining; and now, utterly black, they sailed lower +in the lift, and disappeared behind the immovable mountains; they +were rushing in the very direction in which Ruth had striven and +struggled to go that afternoon; they, in their wild career, would +soon pass over the very spot where he (her world's he) was lying +sleeping, or perhaps not sleeping, perhaps thinking of her. The +storm was in her mind, and rent and tore her purposes into forms +as wild and irregular as the heavenly shapes she was looking at. +If, like them, she could pass the barrier horizon in the night, +she might overtake him. Mr. Benson saw her look, and read it +partially. He saw her longing gaze outwards upon the free, broad +world, and thought that the siren waters, whose deadly music yet +rang in his ears, were again tempting her. He called her to him +praying that his feeble voice might have power. + +"My dear young lady, I have much to say to you; and God has taken +my strength from me now when I most need--Oh, I sin to speak +so--but, for His sake, I implore you to be patient here, if only +till to-morrow morning." He looked at her, but her face was +immovable, and she did not speak. She could not give up her hope, +her chance, her liberty, till to-morrow. + +"God help me," said he mournfully, "my words do not touch her;" +and, still holding her hand, he sank back on the pillows. Indeed, +it was true that his words did not vibrate in her atmosphere. The +storm-spirit raged there, and filled her heart with the thought +that she was an outcast; and the holy words, "for His sake," were +answered by the demon, who held possession, with a blasphemous +defiance of the merciful God-- + +"What have I to do with Thee?" + +He thought of every softening influence of religion which over +his own disciplined heart had power, but put them aside as +useless. Then the still small voice whispered, and he spake-- + +"In your mother's name, whether she be dead or alive, I command +you to stay here until I am able to speak to you." + +She knelt down at the foot of the sofa, and shook it with her +sobs. Her heart was touched, and he hardly dared to speak again. +At length he said-- + +"I know you will not go--you could not--for her sake. You will +not, will you?" + +"No," whispered Ruth; and then there was a great blank in her +heart. She had given up her chance. She was calm, in the utter +absence of all hope. + +"And now you will do what I tell you?" said he gently, but +unconsciously to himself, in the tone of one who has found the +hidden spell by which to rule spirits. + +She slowly said, "Yes." But she was subdued. + +He called Mrs. Hughes. She came from her adjoining shop. + +"You have a bedroom within yours, where your daughter used to +sleep, I think? I am sure you will oblige me, and I shall +consider it as a great favour, if you will allow this young lady +to sleep there to-night. Will you take her there now? Go, my +dear. I have full trust in your promise not to leave until I can +speak to you." His voice died away to silence; but as Ruth rose +from her knees at his bidding, she looked at his face through her +tears. His lips were moving in earnest, unspoken prayer, and she +knew it was for her. + +That night, although his pain was relieved by rest, he could not +sleep; and, as in fever, the coming events kept unrolling +themselves before him in every changing and fantastic form. He +met Ruth in all possible places and ways, and addressed her in +every manner he could imagine most calculated to move and affect +her to penitence and virtue. Towards morning he fell asleep, but +the same thoughts haunted his dreams; he spoke, but his voice +refused to utter aloud; and she fled, relentless, to the deep, +black pool. + +But God works in His own way. + +The visions melted into deep, unconscious sleep. He was awakened +by a knock at the door, which seemed a repetition of what he had +heard in his last sleeping moments. + +It was Mrs. Hughes. She stood at the first word of permission +within the room. + +"Please, sir, I think the young lady is very ill indeed, sir; +perhaps you would please to come to her." + +"How is she ill?" said he, much alarmed. + +"Quite quiet-like, sir; but I think she is dying, that's all, +indeed, sir." + +"Go away, I will be with you directly," he replied, his heart +sinking within him. + +In a very short time he was standing with Mrs. Hughes by Ruth's +bedside. She lay as still as if she were dead, her eyes shut, her +wan face numbed into a fixed anguish of expression. She did not +speak when they spoke, though after a while they thought she +strove to do so. But all power of motion and utterance had left +her. She was dressed in everything, except her bonnet, as she had +been the day before; although sweet, thoughtful Mrs. Hughes had +provided her with nightgear, which lay on the little chest of +drawers that served as a dressing-table. Mr. Benson lifted up her +arm to feel her feeble, fluttering pulse; and when he let go her +hand, it fell upon the bed in a dull, heavy way, as if she were +already dead. + +"You gave her some food?" said he anxiously, to Mrs. Hughes. + +"Indeed, and I offered her the best in the house, but she shook +her poor pretty head, and only asked if I would please to get her +a cup of water. I brought her some milk though; and, 'deed, I +think she'd rather have had the water; but, not to seem sour and +cross, she took some milk." By this time Mrs. Hughes was fairly +crying. + +"When does the doctor come up here?" + +"Indeed, sir, and he's up nearly every day now, the inn is so +full." + +"I'll go for him. And can you manage to undress her and lay her +in bed? Open the window too, and let in the air; if her feet are +cold, put bottles of hot water to them." + +It was a proof of the true love, which was the nature of both, +that it never crossed their minds to regret that this poor young +creature had been thus thrown upon their hands. On the contrary, +Mrs. Hughes called it "a blessing." + +"It blesseth him that gives, and him that takes." + + +CHAPTER X + + +A NOTE AND THE ANSWER + +At the inn everything was life and bustle. Mr. Benson had to wait +long in Mrs. Morgan's little parlour before she could come to +him, and he kept growing more and more impatient. At last she +made her appearance and heard his story. People may talk as they +will about the little respect that is paid to virtue, +unaccompanied by the outward accidents of wealth or station; but +I rather think it will be found that, in the long run, true and +simple virtue always has its proportionate reward in the respect +and reverence of every one whose esteem is worth having. To be +sure, it is not rewarded after the way of the world, as mere +worldly possessions are, with low obeisance and lip-service; but +all the better and more noble qualities in the hearts of others +make ready and go forth to meet it on its approach, provided only +it be pure, simple, and unconscious of its own existence. + +Mr. Benson had little thought for outward tokens of respect just +then, nor had Mrs. Morgan much time to spare; but she smoothed +her ruffled brow, and calmed her bustling manner, as soon as ever +she saw who it was that awaited her; for Mr. Benson was well +known in the village, where he had taken up his summer holiday +among the mountains year after year, always a resident at the +shop, and seldom spending a shilling at the inn. + +Mrs. Morgan listened patiently--for her. + +"Mr. Jones will come this afternoon. But it is a shame you should +be troubled with such as her. I had but little time yesterday, +but I guessed there was something wrong, and Gwen has just been +telling me her bed has not been slept in. They were in a pretty +hurry to be gone yesterday, for all that the gentleman was not +fit to travel, to my way of thinking; indeed, William Wynn, the +post-boy, said he was weary enough before he got to the end of +that Yspytty road; and he thought they would have to rest there a +day or two before they could go further than Pen tre Voelas. +Indeed, and anyhow, the servant is to follow them with the +baggage this very morning; and now I remember, William Wynn said +they would wait for her. You'd better write a note, Mr. Benson, +and tell them her state." + +It was sound, though unpalatable advice. It came from one +accustomed to bring excellent, if unrefined sense, to bear +quickly upon any emergency, and to decide rapidly. She was, in +truth, so little accustomed to have her authority questioned, +that, before Mr. Benson had made up his mind, she had produced +paper, pens, and ink from the drawer in her bureau, placed them +before him, and was going to leave the room. + +"Leave the note on this shelf, and trust me that it goes by the +maid. The boy that drives her there in the car shall bring you an +answer back." She was gone before he could rally his scattered +senses enough to remember that he had not the least idea of the +name of the person to whom he was to write. The quiet leisure and +peace of his little study at home favoured his habit of reverie +and long deliberation, just as her position as mistress of an inn +obliged her to quick, decisive ways. + +Her advice, though good in some points, was unpalatable in +others. It was true that Ruth's condition ought to be known by +those who were her friends; but were these people to whom he was +now going to write friends? He knew there was a rich mother, and +a handsome, elegant son; and he had also some idea of the +circumstances which might a little extenuate their mode of +quitting Ruth. He had wide-enough sympathy to understand that it +must have been a most painful position in which the mother had +been placed, on finding herself under the same roof with a girl +who was living with her son, as Ruth was. And yet he did not like +to apply to her; to write to the son was still more out of the +question, as it seemed like asking him to return. But through one +or the other lay the only clue to her friends, who certainly +ought to be made acquainted with her position. At length he +wrote-- + +"MADAM,--I write to tell you of the condition of the poor young +woman"--(here came a long pause of deliberation)--"who +accompanied your son on his arrival here, and who was left behind +on your departure yesterday. She is lying (as it appears to me) +in a very dangerous state at my lodgings; and, if I may suggest, +it would be kind to allow your maid to return and attend upon her +until she is sufficiently recovered to be restored to her +friends, if, indeed, they could not come to take charge of her +themselves.--I remain, madam, your obedient servant +THURSTAN BENSON." + +The note was very unsatisfactory after all his consideration, but +it was the best he could do. He made inquiry of a passing servant +as to the lady's name, directed the note, and placed it on the +indicated shelf. He then returned to his lodgings, to await the +doctor's coming and the postboy's return. There was no alteration +in Ruth; she was as one stunned into unconsciousness; she did not +move her posture, she hardly breathed. From time to time Mrs. +Hughes wetted her mouth with some liquid, and there was a little +mechanical motion of the lips; that was the only sign of life she +gave. The doctor came and shook his head,--"a thorough +prostration of strength, occasioned by some great shock on the +nerves,"--and prescribed care and quiet, and mysterious +medicines, but acknowledged that the result was doubtful, very +doubtful. After his departure, Mr. Benson took his Welsh grammar +and tried again to master the ever-puzzling rules for the +mutations of letters; but it was of no use, for his thoughts were +absorbed by the life-in-death condition of the young creature, +who was lately bounding and joyous. + +The maid and the luggage, the car and the driver; bad arrived +before noon at their journey's end, and the note had been +delivered. It annoyed Mrs. Bellingham exceedingly. It was the +worst of these kind of connections,--there was no calculating the +consequences; they were never-ending. All sorts of claims seemed +to be established, and all sorts of people to step in to their +settlement. The idea of sending her maid! Why, Simpson would not +go if she asked her. She soliloquised thus while reading the +letter; and then, suddenly turning round to the favourite +attendant, who had been listening to her mistress's remarks with +no inattentive ear, she asked-- + +"Simpson, would you go and nurse this creature, as this----" she +looked at the signature--"Mr. Benson, who ever he is, proposes?" + +"Me! no, indeed, ma'am," said the maid, drawing herself up, stiff +in her virtue. + +"I'm sure, ma'am, you: would not expect it of me; I could never +have the face to dress a lady of character again." + +"Well, well! don't be alarmed; I cannot spare you: by the way, +just attend to the strings on my dress; the chambermaid here +pulled them into knots, and broke them terribly, last night. It +is awkward, though, very," said she, relapsing into a musing fit +over the condition of Ruth. + +"If you'll allow me, ma'am, I think I might say some thing that +would alter the case. I believe, ma'am, you put a bank-note into +the letter to the young woman yesterday?" + +Mrs. Bellingham bowed acquiescence, and the maid went on-- + +"Because, ma'am, when the little deformed man wrote that note +(he's Mr. Benson, ma'am), I have reason to believe neither he nor +Mrs. Morgan knew of any provision being made for the young woman. +Me and the chambermaid found your letter and the bank-note lying +quite promiscuous, like waste paper, on the floor of her room; +for I believe she rushed out like mad after you left." + +"That, as you say, alters the case. This letter, then, is +principally a sort of delicate hint that some provision ought to +have been made; which is true enough, only it has been attended +to already. What became of the money?" + +"Law, ma'am! do you ask? Of course, as soon as I saw it, I picked +it up and took it to Mrs. Morgan, in trust for the young person." + +"Oh, that's right. What friends has she? Did you ever hear from +Mason?--perhaps they ought to know where she is." + +"Mrs. Mason did tell me, ma'am, she was an orphan; with a +guardian who was noways akin, and who washed his hands of her +when she ran off. But Mrs. Mason was sadly put out, and went into +hysterics, for fear you would think she had not seen after her +enough, and that she might lose your custom; she said it was no +fault of hers, for the girl was always a forward creature, +boasting of her beauty, and saying how pretty she was, and +striving to get where her good looks could be seen and +admired,--one night in particular, ma'am, at a county ball; and +how Mrs. Mason had found out she used to meet Mr. Bellingham at +an old woman's house, who was a regular old witch, ma'am, and +lives in the lowest part of the town, where all the bad +characters haunt." + +"There! that's enough," said Mrs. Bellingham sharply, for the +maid's chattering had outrun her tact; and in her anxiety to +vindicate the character of her friend Mrs. Mason by blackening +that of Ruth, she had forgotten that she a little implicated her +mistress's son, whom his proud mother did not like to imagine as +ever passing through a low and degraded part of the town. + +"If she has no friends, and is the creature you describe (which +is confirmed by my own observation), the best place for her is, +as I said before, the Penitentiary. Her fifty pounds will keep +her a week or so, if she is really unable to travel, and pay for +her journey; and if on her return to Fordham she will let me +know, I will undertake to obtain her admission immediately." + +"I'm sure it's well for her she has to do with a lady who will +take any interest in her, after what has happened." + +Mrs. Bellingham called for her writing-desk, and wrote a few +hasty lines to be sent by the post-boy, who was on the point of +starting-- + +"Mrs. Bellingham presents her compliments to her unknown +correspondent, Mr. Benson, and begs to inform him of a +circumstance of which she believes he was ignorant when he wrote +the letter with which she has been favoured; namely, that +provision to the amount of L 50 was left for the unfortunate young +person who is the subject of Mr. Benson's letter. This sum is in +the hands of Mrs. Morgan, as well as a note from Mrs. Bellingham +to the miserable girl, in which she proposes to procure her +admission into the Fordham Penitentiary, the best place for such +a character, as by this profligate action she has forfeited the +only friend remaining to her in the world. This proposition Mrs. +Bellingham repeats; and they are the young woman's best friends +who most urge her to comply with the course now pointed out." + +"Take care Mr. Bellingham hears nothing of this Mr. Benson's +note," said Mrs. Bellingham, as she delivered the answer to her +maid; "he is so sensitive just now that it would annoy him sadly, +I am sure." + + +CHAPTER XI + + +THURSTAN AND FAITH BENSON + +You have now seen the note which was delivered into Mr. Benson's +hands, as the cool shades of evening stole over the glowing +summer sky. When he had read it, he again prepared to write a few +hasty lines before the post went out. The post-boy was even now +sounding his horn through the village as a signal for letters to +be ready; and it was well that Mr. Benson, in his long morning's +meditation, had decided upon the course to be pursued, in case of +such an answer as that which he had received from Mrs. +Bellingham. His present note was as follows;-- + +"DEAR FAITH,--You must come to this place directly, where I +earnestly desire you and your advice. I am well myself, so do not +be alarmed. I have no time for explanation, but I am sure you +will not refuse me; let me trust that I shall see you on Saturday +at the latest. You know the mode by which I came; it is the best +both for expedition and cheapness. Dear Faith, do not fail me.-- + +"Your affectionate brother. THURSTAN BENSON. + +"P.S.--I am afraid the money I left may be running short. Do not +let this stop you. Take my Facciolati to Johnson's, he will +advance upon it; it is the third row, bottom shelf. Only come." + +When this letter was despatched he had done all he could; and the +next two days passed like a long monotonous dream of watching, +thought, and care, undisturbed by any event, hardly by the change +from day to night, which, now the harvest moon was at her full, +was scarcely perceptible. On Saturday morning the answer came-- + +"DEAREST THURSTAN,--Your incomprehensible summons has just +reached me, and I obey, thereby proving my right to my name of +Faith. I shall be with you almost as soon as this letter. I +cannot help feeling anxious, as well as curious. I have money +enough, and it is well I have; for Sally, who guards your room +like a dragon, would rather see me walk the whole way, than have +any of your things disturbed.--Your affectionate sister," + +It was a great relief to Mr. Benson to think that his sister +would so soon be with him. He had been accustomed from childhood +to rely on her prompt judgment and excellent sense; and to her +care he felt that Ruth ought to be consigned, as it was too much +to go on taxing good Mrs. Hughes with night watching and sick +nursing, with all her other claims on her time. He asked her once +more to sit by Ruth, while he went to meet his sister. + +The coach passed by the foot of the steep ascent which led up to +Llan-dhu. He took a boy to carry his sister's luggage when they +arrived; they were too soon at the bottom of the hill; and the +boy began to make ducks and drakes in the shallowest part of the +stream, which there flowed glassy and smooth, while Mr. Benson +sat down on a great stone, under the shadow of an alderbush which +grew where the green flat meadow skirted the water. It was +delightful to be once more in the open air, and away from the +scenes and thoughts which had been pressing on him for the last +three days. There was a new beauty in everything from the blue +mountains which glimmered in the distant sunlight, down to the +flat, rich, peaceful vale, with its calm round shadows, where he +sat. The very margin of white pebbles which lay on the banks of +the stream had a sort of cleanly beauty about it. He felt calmer +and more at ease than he had done for some days; and yet, when he +began to think, it was rather a strange story which he had to +tell his sister, in order to account for his urgent summons. Here +was he, sole friend and guardian of a poor sick girl, whose very +name he did not know; about whom all that he did know was, that +she had been the mistress of a man who had deserted her, and that +he feared--he believed--she had contemplated suicide. The +offence, too, was one for which his sister, good and kind as she +was, had little compassion. Well, he must appeal to her love for +him, which was a very unsatisfactory mode of proceeding, as he +would far rather have had her interest in the girl founded on +reason, or some less personal basis, than showing it merely +because her brother wished it. + +The coach came slowly rumbling over the stony road. His sister +was outside, but got down in a brisk active way, and greeted her +brother heartily and affectionately. She was considerably taller +than he was, and must have been very handsome; her black hair was +parted plainly over her forehead, and her dark expressive eyes +and straight nose still retained the beauty of her youth. I do +not know whether she was older than her brother; but, probably +owing to his infirmity requiring her care, she had something of a +mother's manner towards him. + +"Thurstan, you are looking pale! I do not believe you are well, +whatever you may say. Have you had the old pain in your back?" + +"No--a little--never mind that, dearest Faith. Sit down here, +while I send the boy up with your box." And then, with some +little desire to show his sister how well he was acquainted with +the language, he blundered out his directions in very grammatical +Welsh; so grammatical, in fact, and so badly pronounced, that the +boy, scratching his head, made answer-- + +"Dim Saesoneg." + +So he had to repeat it in English. + +"Well, now, Thurstan, here I sit as you bid me. But don't try me +too long; tell me why you sent for me." + +Now came the difficulty, and oh! for a seraph's tongue, and a +seraph's powers of representation! But there was no seraph at +hand, only the soft running waters singing a quiet tune, and +predisposing Miss Benson to listen with a soothed spirit to any +tale, not immediately involving her brother's welfare, which had +been the cause of her seeing that lovely vale. + +"It is an awkward story to tell, Faith, but there is a young +woman lying ill at my lodgings whom I wanted you to nurse." + +He thought he saw a shadow on his sister's face, and detected a +slight change in her voice as she spoke. + +"Nothing very romantic, I hope, Thurstan. Remember, I cannot +stand much romance; I always distrust it." + +"I don't know what you mean by romance. The story is real enough, +and not out of the common way, I'm afraid." + +He paused; he did not get over the difficulty. + +"Well, tell it me at once, Thurstan. I am afraid you have let +some one, or perhaps only your own imagination, impose upon you; +but don't try my patience too much; you know I've no great +stock." + +"Then I'll tell you. The young girl was brought to the inn here +by a gentleman, who has left her; she is very ill, and has no one +to see after her." + +Miss Benson had some masculine tricks, and one was whistling a +long, low whistle when surprised or displeased. She had often +found it a useful vent for feelings, and she whistled now. Her +brother would rather she had spoken. + +"Have you sent for her friends?" she asked, at last. + +"She has none." + +Another pause and another whistle, but rather softer and more +wavering than the last. + +"How is she ill?" + +"Pretty nearly as quiet as if she were dead. She does not speak, +or move, or even sigh." + +"It would be better for her to die at once, I think." + +"Faith!" + +That one word put them right. It was spoken in the tone which had +authority over her; it was so full of grieved surprise and +mournful upbraiding. She was accustomed to exercise a sway over +him, owing to her greater decision of character, and, probably, +if everything were traced to its cause, to her superior vigour of +constitution; but at times she was humbled before his pure, +childlike nature, and felt where she was inferior. She was too +good and; true to conceal this feeling, or to resent its being +forced upon her. After a time she said-- + +"Thurstan dear, let us go to her." + +She helped him with tender care, and gave him her arm up the long +and tedious hill; but when they approached the village, without +speaking a word on the subject, they changed their position, and +she leant (apparently) on him. He stretched himself up into as +vigorous a gait as he could, when they drew near to the abodes of +men. + +On the way they had spoken but little. He had asked after various +members of his congregation, for he was a Dissenting minister in +a country town, and she had answered; but they neither of them +spoke of Ruth, though their minds were full of her. + +Mrs. Hughes had tea ready for the traveller on her arrival. Mr. +Benson chafed a little internally at the leisurely way in which +his sister sipped and sipped, and paused to tell him some +trifling particular respecting home affairs, which she had +forgotten before. + +"Mr. Bradshaw has refused to let the children associate with the +Dixons any longer, because one evening they played at acting +charades." + +"Indeed! A little more bread and butter, Faith?" + +"Thank you this Welsh air does make one hungry. Mrs. Bradshaw is +paying poor old Maggie's rent, to save her from being sent into +the workhouse. + +"That's right. Won't you have another cup of tea?" + +"I have had two. However, I think I'll take another." + +Mr. Benson could not refrain from a little sigh as he poured it +out. He thought he had never seen his sister so deliberately +hungry and thirsty before. He did not guess that she was feeling +the meal rather a respite from a distasteful interview, which she +was aware was awaiting her at its conclusion. But all things come +to an end, and so did Miss Benson's tea. + +"Now, will you go and see her?" + +"Yes." + +And so they went. Mrs. Hughes had pinned up a piece of green +calico, by way of a Venetian blind, to shut out the afternoon +sun; and in the light thus shaded lay Ruth--still, and wan, and +white. Even with her brother's account of Ruth's state, such +death-like quietness startled Miss Benson--startled her into pity +for the poor lovely creature who lay thus stricken and felled. +When she saw her, she could no longer imagine her to be an +impostor, or a hardened sinner; such prostration of woe belonged +to neither. Mr. Benson looked more at his sister's face than at +Ruth's; he read her countenance as a book. + +Mrs. Hughes stood by, crying. + +Mr. Benson touched his sister, and they left the room together. + +"Do you think she will live?" asked he. + +"I cannot tell," said Miss Benson, in a softened voice. "But how +young she looks! quite a child, poor creature! When will the +doctor come, Thurstan? Tell me all about her; you have never told +me the particulars." + +Mr. Benson might have said she had never cared to hear them +before, and had rather avoided the subject; but he was too happy +to see this awakening of interest in his sister's warm heart to +say anything in the least reproachful. He told her the story as +well as he could, and, as he felt it deeply, he told it with +heart's eloquence; and as he ended, and looked at her, there were +tears in the eyes of both. + +"And what does the doctor say?" asked she, after a pause. + +"He insists upon quiet; he orders medicines and strong broth. I +cannot tell you all; Mrs. Hughes can. She has been so truly good. +'Doing good, hoping for nothing again.'" + +"She looks very sweet and gentle. I shall sit up to night, and +watch her myself; and I shall send you and Mrs. Hughes early to +bed, for you have both a worn look about you I don't like. Are +you sure the effect of that fall has gone off? Do you feel +anything of it in your back still? After all, I owe her something +for turning back to your help. Are you sure she was going to +drown herself?" + +"I cannot be sure, for I have not questioned her. She has not +been in a state to be questioned; but I have no doubt whatever +about it. But you must not think of sitting up after your +journey, Faith." + +"Answer me, Thurstan. Do you feel any bad effect from that fall?" + +"No, hardly any. Don't sit up, Faith, to-night!" + +"Thurstan, it's no use talking, for I shall; and, if you go on +opposing me, I dare say I shall attack your back, and, put a +blister on it. Do tell me what that 'hardly any' means. Besides, +to set you quite at ease, you know I have never seen mountains +before, and they fill me and oppress me so much that I could not +sleep; I must keep awake this first night, and see that they +don't fall on the earth and overwhelm it. And now answer my +questions about yourself." + +Miss Benson had the power, which some people have, of carrying +her wishes through to their fulfilment; her will was strong, her +sense was excellent, and people yielded to her--they did not know +why. Before ten o'clock she reigned sole power and potentate in +Ruth's little chamber. Nothing could have been better devised for +giving her an interest in the invalid. The very dependence of one +so helpless upon her care inclined her heart towards her. She +thought she perceived a slight improvement in the symptoms during +the night, and she was a little pleased that this progress should +have been made while she reigned monarch of the sick-room. Yes, +certainly there was an improvement. There was more consciousness +in the look of the eyes, although the whole countenance still +retained its painful traces of acute suffering, manifested in an +anxious, startled uneasy aspect. It was broad morning light, +though barely five o'clock, when Miss Benson caught the sight of +Ruth's lips moving, as if in speech. Miss Benson stooped down to +listen. + +"Who are you?" asked Ruth, in the faintest of whispers. + +"Miss Benson--Mr. Benson's sister," she replied. + +The words conveyed no knowledge to Ruth; on the contrary, weak as +a babe in mind and body as she was, her lips began to quiver, and +her eyes to show a terror similar to that of any little child who +wakens in the presence of a stranger, and sees no dear, familiar +face of mother or nurse to reassure its trembling heart. + +Miss Benson took her hand in hers, and began to stroke it +caressingly. + +"Don't be afraid, dear; I'm a friend come to take care of you. +Would you like some tea now, my love ?" + +The very utterance of these gentle words was unlocking Miss +Benson's heart. Her brother was surprised to see her so full of +interest when he came to inquire later on in the morning. It +required Mrs. Hughes's persuasions, as well as his own, to induce +her to go to bed for an hour or two after breakfast; and, before +she went, she made them promise that she should be called when +the doctor came. He did not come until late in the afternoon. The +invalid was rallying fast, though rallying to a consciousness of +sorrow, as was evinced by the tears which came slowly rolling +down her pale sad cheeks--tears which she had not the power to +wipe away. + +Mr. Benson had remained in the house all day to hear the doctor's +opinion; and, now that he was relieved from the charge of Ruth by +his sister's presence, he had the more time to dwell upon the +circumstances of her case--so far as they were known to him. He +remembered his first sight of her; her lithe figure swaying to +and fro as she balanced herself on the slippery stones, half +smiling at her own dilemma, with a bright, happy light in the +eyes, that seemed like a reflection from the glancing waters +sparkling below. Then he recalled the changed, affrighted look of +those eyes as they met his, after the child's rebuff of her +advances; how that little incident filled up the tale at which +Mrs. Hughes had hinted, in a kind of sorrowful way, as if loath +(as a Christian should be) to believe evil. Then that fearful +evening, when he had only just saved her from committing suicide, +and that nightmare sleep! And now--lost, forsaken, and but just +delivered from the jaws of death, she lay dependent for +everything on his sister and him--utter strangers a few weeks +ago. Where was her lover? Could he be easy and happy? Could he +grow into perfect health, with these great sins pressing on his +conscience with a strong and hard pain? Or had he a conscience? + +Into whole labyrinths of social ethics Mr. Benson's thoughts +wandered, when his sister entered suddenly and abruptly. + +"What does the doctor say? Is she better?" + +"Oh, yes! she's better," answered Miss Benson, sharp and short. +Her brother looked at her in dismay. She bumped down into a chair +in a cross, disconcerted manner. They were both silent for a few +minutes, only Miss Benson whistled and clucked alternately. + +"What is the matter, Faith? You say she is better." + +"Why, Thurstan, there is something so shocking the matter, that I +cannot tell you." + +Mr. Benson changed colour with affright. All things possible and +impossible crossed his mind but the right one. I said, "all +things possible"; I made a mistake. He never believed Ruth to be +more guilty than she seemed. + +"Faith, I wish you would tell me, and not bewilder me with those +noises of yours," said he nervously. + +"I beg your pardon; but something so shocking has just been +discovered--I don't know how to word it--she will have a child. +The doctor says so." She was allowed to make noises unnoticed for +a few minutes. Her brother did not speak. At last she wanted his +sympathy. + +"Isn't it shocking, Thurstan? You might have knocked me down with +a straw when he told me." + +"Does she know?" + +"Yes; and I am not sure that that isn't the worst part of all." + +"How?--what do you mean?" + +"Oh, I was just beginning to have a good opinion of her; but I'm +afraid she is very depraved. After the doctor was gone, she +pulled the bed-curtain aside, and looked as if she wanted to +speak to me. (I can't think how she heard, for we were close to +the window, and spoke very low.) Well, I went to her, though I +really had taken quite a turn against her. And she whispered, +quite eagerly, 'Did he say I should have a baby?' Of course I +could not keep it from her; but I thought it my duty to look as +cold and severe as I could. She did not seem to understand how it +ought to be viewed, but took it just as if she had a right to +have a baby. She said, 'Oh, my God, I thank Thee! Oh, I will be +so good!' I had no patience with her then, so I left the room." + +"Who is with her?" + +"Mrs. Hughes. She is not seeing the thing in a moral light, as I +should have expected." + +Mr. Benson was silent again. After some time he began-- + +"Faith, I don't see this affair quite as you do. I believe I am +right." + +"You surprise me, brother! I don't understand you." + +"Wait awhile! I want to make my feelings very clear to you, but I +don't know where to begin, or how to express myself." + +"It is, indeed, an extraordinary subject for us to have to talk +about; but, if once I get clear of this girl, I'll wash my hands +of all such cases again." Her brother was not attending to her; +he was reducing his own ideas to form. "Faith, do you know I +rejoice in this child's advent?" + +"May God forgive you, Thurstan!--if you know what you are saying. +But, surely, it is a temptation, dear Thurstan." + +"I do not think it is a delusion. The sin appears to me to be +quite distinct from its consequences." + +"Sophistry--and a temptation," said Miss Benson decidedly. + +"No, it is not," said her brother, with equal decision. "In the +eye of God, she is exactly the same as if the life she has led +had left no trace behind. We knew her errors before, Faith." + +"Yes, but not this disgrace--this badge of her shame!" + +"Faith, Faith! let me beg of you not to speak so of the little +innocent babe, who may be God's messenger to lead her back to +Him. Think again of her first words--the burst of nature from her +heart! Did she not turn to God, and enter into a covenant with +Him--'I will be so good'? Why, it draws her out of herself! If +her life has hitherto been self-seeking and wickedly thoughtless, +here is the very instrument to make her forget herself, and be +thoughtful for another. Teach her (and God will teach her, if man +does not come between) to reverence her child; and this reverence +will shut out sin,--will be purification." + +He was very much excited; he was even surprised at his own +excitement; but his thoughts and meditations through the long +afternoon had prepared his mind for this manner of viewing the +subject. + +"These are quite new ideas to me," said Miss Benson coldly. "I +think you, Thurstan, are the first person I ever heard rejoicing +over the birth of an illegitimate child. It appears to me, I must +own, rather questionable morality." + +"I do not rejoice. I have been all this afternoon mourning over +the sin which has blighted this young creature; I have been +dreading lest, as she recovered consciousness, there should be a +return of her despair. I have been thinking of every holy word, +every promise to the penitent--of the tenderness which led the +Magdalen aright. I have been feeling, severely and reproachfully, +the timidity which has hitherto made me blink all encounter with +evils of this particular kind. O Faith! once for all, do not +accuse me of questionable morality, when I am trying more than +ever I did in my life to act as my blessed Lord would have done." + +He was very much agitated. His sister hesitated, and then she +spoke more softly than before-- + +"But, Thurstan, everything might have been done to 'lead her +right' (as you call it), without this child, this miserable +offspring of sin." + +"The world has, indeed, made such children miserable, innocent as +they are; but I doubt if this be according to the will of God, +unless it be His punishment for the parents' guilt; and even then +the world's way of treatment is too apt to harden the mother's +natural love into something like hatred. Shame, and the terror of +friends' displeasure, turn her mad--defile her holiest instincts; +and, as for the fathers--God forgive them! I cannot--at least, +not just now." Miss Benson thought on what her brother said. At +length she asked, "Thurstan (remember I'm not convinced), how +would you have this girl treated according to your theory?" + +"It will require some time, and much Christian love, to find out +the best way. I know I'm not very wise; but the way I think it +would be right to act in, would be this----" He thought for some +time before he spoke, and then said-- + +"She has incurred a responsibility--that we both acknowledge. She +is about to become a mother, and have the direction and guidance +of a little tender life. I fancy such a responsibility must be +serious and solemn enough, without making it into a heavy and +oppressive burden, so that human nature recoils from bearing it. +While we do all we can to strengthen her sense of responsibility, +I would likewise do all we can to make her feel that it is +responsibility for what may become a blessing." + +"Whether the children are legitimate or illegitimate?" asked Miss +Benson dryly. + +"Yes!" said her brother firmly. "The more I think, the more I +believe I am right. No one," said he, blushing faintly as he +spoke, "can have a greater recoil from proffigacy than I have. +You yourself have not greater sorrow over this young creature's +sin than I have the difference is this, you confuse the +consequences with the sin." + +"I don't understand metaphysics." + +"I am not aware that I am talking metaphysics. I can imagine that +if the present occasion be taken rightly, and used well, all that +is good in her may be raised to a height unmeasured but by God; +while all that is evil and dark may, by His blessing, fade and +disappear in the pure light of her child's presence.--Oh, Father! +listen to my prayer, that her redemption may date from this time. +Help us to speak to her in the loving spirit of thy Holy Son!" + +The tears were full in his eyes; he almost trembled in his +earnestness. He was faint with the strong power of his own +conviction, and with his inability to move his sister. But she +was shaken. She sat very still for a quarter of an hour or more +while he leaned back, exhausted by his own feelings. + +"The poor child!" said she at length--"the poor, poor child! what +it will have to struggle through and endure! Do you remember +Thomas Wilkins, and the way he threw the registry of his birth +and baptism back in your face? Why, he would not have the +situation; he went to sea, and was drowned, rather than present +the record of his shame." + +"I do remember it all. It has often haunted me. She must +strengthen her child to look to God, rather than to man's +opinion. It will be the discipline, the penance, she has +incurred. She must teach it to be (humanly speaking) +self-dependent." + +"But after all," said Miss Benson (for she had known and esteemed +poor Thomas Wilkins, and had mourned over his untimely death, and +the recollection thereof softened her)--"after all, it might be +concealed. The very child need never know its illegitimacy." + +"How?" asked her brother. + +"Why--we know so little about her yet; but in that letter, it +said she had no friends;--now, could she not go into quite a +fresh place, and be passed off as a widow?" + +Ah, tempter! unconscious tempter! Here was a way of evading the +trials for the poor little unborn child, of which Mr. Benson had +never thought. It was the decision--the pivot, on which the fate +of years moved; and he turned it the wrong way. But it was not +for his own sake. For himself, he was brave enough to tell the +truth; for the little helpless baby, about to enter a cruel, +biting world, he was tempted to evade the difficulty. He forgot +what he had just said, of the discipline and the penance to the +mother consisting in strengthening her child to meet, trustfully +and bravely, the consequences of her own weakness. He remembered +more clearly the wild fierceness, the Cain-like look, of Thomas +Wilkins, as the obnoxious word in the baptismal registry told him +that he must go forth branded into the world, with his hand +against every man's, and every man's against him. + +"How could it be managed, Faith?" + +"Nay, I must know much more, which she alone can tell us, before +I can see how it is to be managed. It is certainly the best +plan." + +"Perhaps it is," said her brother thoughtfully, but no longer +clearly or decidedly; and so the conversation dropped. + +Ruth moved the bed-curtain aside, in her soft manner, when Miss +Benson re-entered the room; she did not speak, but she looked at +her as if she wished her to come near. Miss Benson went and stood +by her. Ruth took her hand in hers and kissed it; as if fatigued +even by this slight movement, she fell asleep. Miss Benson took +up her work, and thought over her brother's speeches. She was not +convinced, but she was softened and bewildered. + + +CHAPTER XII + + +LOSING SIGHT OF THE WELSH MOUNTAINS + +Miss Benson continued in an undecided state of mind for the two +next days; but on the third, as they sat at breakfast, she began +to speak to her brother. + +"That young creature's name is Ruth Hilton." + +"Indeed! how did you find it out?" + +"From herself, of course. She is much stronger. I slept with her +last night, and I was aware she was awake long before I liked to +speak, but at last I began. I don't know what I said, or how it +went on, but I think it was a little relief to her to tell me +something about herself. She sobbed and cried herself to sleep; I +think she is asleep now. + +"Tell me what she said about herself." + +"Oh, it was really very little; it was evidently a most painful +subject. She is an orphan, without brother or sister, and with a +guardian, whom, I think she said, she never saw but once. He +apprenticed her (after her father's death) to a dressmaker. This +Mr. Bellingham got acquainted with her, and they used to meet on +Sunday afternoons. One day they were late, lingering on the road, +when the dressmaker came up by accident. She seems to have been +very angry, and not unnaturally so. The girl took fright at her +threats, and the lover persuaded her to go off with him to +London, there and then. Last May, I think it was. That's all." + +"Did she express any sorrow for her error?" + +"No, not in words; but her voice was broken with sobs, though she +tried to make it steady. After a while she began to talk about +her baby, but shyly, and with much hesitation. She asked me, how +much I thought she could earn as a dressmaker, by working very, +very hard; and that brought us round to her child. I thought of +what you had said, Thurstan, and I tried to speak to her as you +wished me. I am not sure if it was right; I am doubtful in my own +mind still." + +"Don't be doubtful, Faith! Dear Faith, I thank you for your +kindness." + +"There is really nothing to thank me for. It is almost impossible +to help being kind to her; there is something so meek and gentle +about her, so patient, and so grateful!" + +"What does she think of doing?" + +"Poor child! she thinks of taking lodgings--very cheap ones, she +says; there she means to work night and day to earn enough for +her child. For she said to me; with such pretty earnestness, 'It +must never know want, whatever I do. I have deserved suffering, +but it will be such a little innocent darling!' Her utmost +earnings would not be more than seven or eight shillings a week, +I'm afraid; and then she is so young and so pretty!" + +"There is that fifty pounds Mrs. Morgan brought me, and those two +letters. Does she know about them yet?" + +"No; I did not like to tell her till she is a little stronger. +Oh, Thurstan! I wish there was not this prospect of a child. I +cannot help it. I do--I could see a way in which we might help +her, if it were not for that." + +"How do you mean?" + +"Oh, it's no use thinking of it, as it is! Or else we might have +taken her home with us, and kept her till she had got a little +dressmaking in the congregation, but for this meddlesome child; +that spoils everything. You must let me grumble to you, Thurstan. +I was very good to her, and spoke as tenderly and respectfully of +the little thing as if it were the Queen's, and born in lawful +matrimony." + +"That's right, my dear Faith! Grumble away to me, if you like. +I'll forgive you, for the kind thought of taking her home with +us. But do you think her situation is an insuperable objection?" + +"Why, Thurstan!--it's so insuperable, it puts it quite out of the +question." + +"How?--that's only repeating your objection. Why is it out of the +question?" + +"If there had been no child coming, we might have called her by +her right name--Miss Hilton; that's one thing. Then, another is, +the baby in our house. Why, Sally would go distraught!" + +"Never mind Sally. If she were an orphan relation of our own, +left widowed," said he, pausing as if in doubt. "You yourself +suggested she should be considered as a widow, for the child's +sake. I'm only taking up your ideas, dear Faith. I respect you +for thinking of taking her home; it is just what we ought to do. +Thank you for reminding me of my duty." + +"Nay, it was only a passing thought. Think of Mr. Bradshaw. Oh! I +tremble at the thought of his grim displeasure." + +"We must think of a higher than Mr. Bradshaw. I own I should be a +very coward if he knew. He is so severe, so inflexible. But after +all he sees so little of us; he never comes to tea, you know, but +is always engaged when Mrs. Bradshaw comes. I don't think he +knows of what our household consists." + +"Not know Sally? Oh yes, but he does. He asked Mrs. Bradshaw one +day if she knew what wages we gave her, and said we might get a +far more efficient and younger servant for the money. And, +speaking about money, think what our expenses would be if we took +her home for the next six months." + +That consideration was a puzzling one; and both sat silent and +perplexed for a time. Miss Benson was as sorrowful as her +brother, for she was becoming as anxious as he was to find it +possible that her plan could be carried out + +"There's the fifty pounds," said he, with a sigh of reluctance at +the idea. + +"Yes, there's the fifty pounds," echoed his sister, with the same +sadness in her tone. "I suppose it is hers." + +"I suppose it is; and, being so, we must not think who gave it to +her. It will defray her expenses. I am very sorry, but I think we +must take it." + +"It would never do to apply to him under the present +circumstances," said Miss Benson, in a hesitating manner. + +"No, that we won't," said her brother decisively. "If she +consents to let us take care of her, we will never let her stoop +to request anything from him, even for his child. She can live on +bread and water--we can all live on bread and water--rather than +that." + +"Then I will speak to her and propose the plan. Oh, Thurstan! +from a child you could persuade me to anything! I hope I am doing +right. However much I oppose you at first, I am sure to yield +soon; almost in proportion to my violence at first. I think I am +very weak." + +"No, not in this instance. We are both right: I, in the way in +which the child ought to be viewed; you, dear good Faith, for +thinking of taking her home with us. God bless you, dear, for +it!" + +When Ruth began to sit up (and the strange, new, delicious +prospect of becoming a mother seemed to give her some mysterious +source of strength, so that her recovery was rapid and swift from +that time), Miss Benson brought her the letters and the +bank-note. + +"Do you recollect receiving this letter, Ruth?" asked she, with +grave gentleness. Ruth changed colour, and took it and read it +again without making any reply to Miss Benson. Then she sighed, +and thought a while; and then took up and read the second +note--the note which Mrs. Bellingham had sent to Mr. Benson in +answer to his. After that she took up the bank-note and turned it +round and round, but not as if she saw it. Miss Benson noticed +that her fingers trembled sadly, and that her lips were quivering +for some time before she spoke. + +"If you please, Miss Benson, I should like to return this money." + +"Why, my dear?" + +"I have a strong feeling against taking it. While he," said she, +deeply blushing, and letting her large white lids drop down and +veil her eyes, "loved me, he gave me many things--my watch--oh, +many things; and I took them from him gladly and thankfully, +because he loved me--for I would have given him anything--and I +thought of them as signs of love. But this money pains my heart. +He has left off loving me, and has gone away. This money +seems--oh, Miss Benson--it seems as if he could comfort me, for +being forsaken, by money." And at that word the tears, so long +kept back and repressed, forced their way like rain. + +She checked herself, however, in the violence of her emotion, for +she thought of her child. + +"So, will you take the trouble of sending it back to Mrs. +Bellingham?" + +"That I will, my dear. I am glad of it, that I am! They don't +deserve to have the power of giving: they don't deserve that you +should take it." Miss Benson went and enclosed it up there and +then; simply writing these words in the envelope, "From Ruth +Hilton." + +"And now we wash our hands of these Bellinghams," said she +triumphantly. But Ruth looked tearful and sad; not about +returning the note, but from the conviction that the reason she +had given for the ground of her determination was true--he no +longer loved her. + +To cheer her, Miss Benson began to speak of the future. Miss +Benson was one of those people who, the more she spoke of a plan +in its details, and the more she realised it in her own mind, the +more firmly she became a partisan of the project. Thus she grew +warm and happy in the idea of taking Ruth home; but Ruth remained +depressed and languid under the conviction that he no longer +loved her. No home, no future, but the thought of her child, +could wean her from this sorrow. Miss Benson was a little piqued; +and this pique showed itself afterwards in talking to her brother +of the morning's proceedings in the sick chamber. + +"I admired her at the time for sending away her fifty pounds so +proudly; but I think she has a cold heart: she hardly thanked me +at all for my proposal of taking her home with us." + +"Her thoughts are full of other things just now; and people have +such different ways of showing feeling: some by silence, some by +words. At any rate, it is unwise to expect gratitude." + +"What do you expect--not indifference or ingratitude?" + +"It is better not to expect or calculate consequences. The longer +I live, the more fully I see that. Let us try simply to do right +actions, without thinking of the feelings they are to call out in +others. We know that no holy or self-denying effort can fall to +the ground vain and useless; but the sweep of eternity is large, +and God alone knows when the effect is to be produced. We are +trying to do right now, and to feel right; don't let us perplex +ourselves with endeavouring to map out how she should feel, or +how she should show her feelings." + +"That's all very fine, and I dare say very true," said Miss +Benson, a little chagrined. "But 'a bird in the hand is worth two +in the bush;' and I would rather have had one good, hearty, +'Thank you,' now, for all I have been planning to do for her, +than the grand effects you promise me in the 'sweep of eternity.' +Don't be grave and sorrowful, Thurstan, or I'll go out of the +room. I can stand Sally's scoldings, but I can't bear your look +of quiet depression whenever I am a little hasty or impatient. I +had rather you would give me a good box on the ear." + +"And I would often rather you would speak, if ever so hastily, +instead of whistling. So, if I box your ears when I am vexed with +you, will you promise to scold me when you are put out of the +way, instead of whistling?" + +"Very well! that's a bargain. You box, and I scold. But, +seriously, I began to calculate our money when she so cavalierly +sent off the fifty-pound note (I can't help admiring her for +it!), and I am very much afraid we shall not have enough to pay +the doctor's bill, and take her home with us." + +"She must go inside the coach, whatever we do," said Mr. Benson +decidedly. + +"Who's there? Come in! Oh! Mrs. Hughes! Sit down." + +"Indeed, sir, and I cannot stay; but the young lady has just made +me find up her watch for her, and asked me to get it sold to pay +the doctor, and the little things she has had since she came; and +please, sir, indeed I don't know where to sell it nearer than +Caernarvon." + +"That is good of her," said Miss Benson, her sense of justice +satisfied; and, remembering the way in which Ruth had spoken of +the watch, she felt what a sacrifice it must have been to resolve +to part with it. + +"And her goodness just helps us out of our dilemma," said her +brother; who was unaware of the feelings with which Ruth regarded +her watch, or, perhaps, he might have parted with his Facciolati. + +Mrs. Hughes patiently awaited their leisure for answering her +practical question. Where could the watch be sold? Suddenly her +face brightened. + +"Mr. Jones, the doctor, is just going to be married, perhaps he +would like nothing better than to give this pretty watch to his +bride; indeed, and I think it's very likely; and he'll pay money +for it as well as letting alone his bill. I'll ask him, sir, at +any rate." + +Mr. Jones was only too glad to obtain possession of so elegant a +present at so cheap a rate. He even, as Mrs. Hughes had foretold, +"paid money for it;" more than was required to defray the +expenses of Ruth's accommodation, as most of the articles of food +she had were paid for at the time by Mr. or Miss Benson, but they +strictly forbade Mrs. Hughes to tell Ruth of this. + +"Would you object to my buying you a black gown?" said Miss +Benson to her, the day after the sale of the watch. She hesitated +a little, and then went on-- + +"My brother and I think it would be better to call you--as if in +fact you were--a widow. It will save much awkwardness, and it +will spare your child much"----mortification, she was going to +have added; but that word did not exactly do. But, at the mention +of her child, Ruth started, and turned ruby-red; as she always +did when allusion was made to it. + +"Oh, yes! certainly. Thank you much for thinking of it. Indeed," +said she, very low, as if to herself, "I don't know how to thank +you for all you are doing; but I do love you, and will pray for +you, if I may." + +"If you may, Ruth" repeated Miss Benson, in a tone of surprise. + +"Yes, if I may. If you will let me pray for you." + +"Certainly, my dear. My dear Ruth, you don't know how often I +sin; I do so wrong, with my few temptations. We are both of us +great sinners in the eyes of the Most Holy; let us pray for each +other. Don't speak so again, my dear; at least, not to me." + +Miss Benson was actually crying. She had always looked upon +herself as so inferior to her brother in real goodness, had seen +such heights above her, that she was distressed by Ruth's +humility. After a short time she resumed the subject. + +"Then I may get you a black gown?--and we may call you Mrs. +Hilton?" + +"No; not Mrs. Hilton!" said Ruth hastily. + +Miss Benson, who had hitherto kept her eyes averted from Ruth's +face from a motive of kindly delicacy, now looked at her with +surprise. + +"Why not?" asked she. + +"It was my mother's name," said Ruth, in a low voice. "I had +better not be called by it." + +"Then let us call you by my mother's name," said Miss Benson +tenderly. "She would have----But I'll talk to you about my +mother some other time. Let me call you Mrs. Denbigh. It will do +very well, too. People will think you are a distant relation." + +When she told Mr. Benson of this choice of name, he was rather +sorry; it was like his sister's impulsive kindness--impulsive in +everything--and he could imagine how Ruth's humility had touched +her. He was sorry, but he said nothing. And now the letter was +written home, announcing the probable arrival of the brother and +sister on a certain day, "with a distant relation, early left a +widow," as Miss Benson expressed it. She desired the spare room +might be prepared, and made every provision she could think of +for Ruth's comfort; for Ruth still remained feeble and weak. + +When the black gown, at which she had stitched away incessantly, +was finished--when nothing remained, but to rest for the next +day's journey--Ruth could not sit still. She wandered from window +to window, learning off each rock and tree by heart. Each had its +tale, which it was agony to remember; but which it would have +been worse agony to forget. The sound of running waters she heard +that quiet evening was in her ears as she lay on her death-bed; +so well had she learnt their tune. + +And now all was over. She had driven in to Llan-dhu, sitting by +her lover's side, living in the bright present, and strangely +forgetful of the past or the future; she had dreamed out her +dream, and she had awakened from the vision of love. She walked +slowly and sadly down the long hill, her tears fast falling, but +as quickly wiped away; while she strove to make steady the low +quivering voice which was often called. upon to answer some +remark of Miss Benson's. They had to wait for the coach. Ruth +buried her face in some flowers which Mrs. Hughes had given her +on parting; and was startled when the mail drew up with a sudden +pull, which almost threw the horses on their haunches. She was +placed inside, and the coach had set off again, before she was +fully aware that Mr. and Miss Benson were travelling on the +outside; but it was a relief to feel she might now cry without +exciting their notice. The shadow of a heavy thunder-cloud was on +the valley, but the little upland village-church (that showed the +spot in which so much of her life was passed) stood out clear in +the sunshine. She grudged the tears that blinded her as she +gazed. There was one passenger, who tried after a while to +comfort her. + +"Don't cry, miss," said the kind-hearted woman. "You're parting +from friends, maybe? Well, that's bad enough; but, when you come +to my age, you'll think none of it. Why, I've three sons, and +they're soldiers and sailors, all of them--here, there, and +everywhere. One is in America, beyond the seas; another is in +China, making tea; and another is at Gibraltar, three miles from +Spain; and yet, you see, I can laugh and eat and enjoy myself. I +sometimes think I'll try and fret a bit, just to make myself a +better figure: but, Lord! it's no use, it's against my nature; so +I laugh and grow fat again. I'd be quite thankful for a fit of +anxiety as would make me feel easy in my clothes, which them +manty-makers will make so tight I'm fairly throttled." + +Ruth durst cry no more; it was no relief, now she was watched and +noticed, and plied with a sandwich or a ginger-bread each time +she looked sad. She lay back with her eyes shut, as if asleep, +and went on, and on, the sun never seeming to move from his high +place in the sky, nor the bright hot day to show the least sign +of waning. Every now and then Miss Benson scrambled down, and +made kind inquiries of the pale, weary Ruth; and once they +changed coaches, and the fat old lady left her with a hearty +shake of the hand. + +"It is not much further now," said Miss Benson, apologetically, +to Ruth. "See! we are losing sight of the Welsh mountains. We +have about eighteen miles of plain, and then we come to the moors +and the rising ground, amidst which Eccleston lies. I wish we +were there, for my brother is sadly tired." The first wonder in +Ruth's mind was, why then, if Mr. Benson was so tired, did they +not stop where they were for the night; for she knew little of +the expenses of a night at an inn. The next thought was, to beg +that Mr. Benson would take her place inside the coach, and allow +her to mount up by Miss Benson. She proposed this, and Miss +Benson was evidently pleased. + +"Well, if you're not tired, it would be a rest and a change for +him, to be sure; and if you were by me I could show you the first +sight of Eccleston, if we reach there before it is quite dark." + +So Mr. Benson got down, and changed places with Ruth. + +She hardly yet understood the numerous small economies which he +and his sister had to practise--the little daily +self-denials--all endured so cheerfully and simply, that they had +almost ceased to require an effort, and it had become natural to +them to think of others before themselves. Ruth had not +understood that it was for economy that their places had been +taken on the outside of the coach, while hers, as an invalid +requiring rest, was to be the inside; and that the biscuits which +supplied the place of a dinner were, in fact, chosen because the +difference in price between the two would go a little way towards +fulfilling their plan for receiving her as an inmate. Her thought +about money had been hitherto a child's thought; the subject had +never touched her; but afterwards, when she had lived a little +while with the Bensons, her eyes were opened, and she remembered +their simple kindness on the journey, and treasured the +remembrance of it in her heart. + +A low grey cloud was the first sign of Eccleston; it was the +smoke of the town hanging over the plain. Beyond the place where +she was expected to believe it existed, arose round, waving +uplands; nothing to the fine outlines of the Welsh mountains, but +still going up nearer to heaven than the rest of the flat world +into which she had now entered. Rumbling stones, lamp-posts, a +sudden stop, and they were in the town of Eccleston; and a +strange, uncouth voice, on the dark side of the coach, was heard +to say-- + +"Be ye there, measter?" + +"Yes, yes!" said Miss Benson quickly. "Did Sally send you, Ben? +Get the ostler's lantern, and look out the luggage." + + +CHAPTER XIII + + +THE DISSENTING MINISTER'S HOUSEHOLD + +Miss Benson had resumed every morsel of the briskness which she +had rather lost in the middle of the day; her foot was on her +native stones, and a very rough set they were, and she was near +her home and among known people. Even Mr. Benson spoke very +cheerfully to Ben, and made many inquiries of him respecting +people whose names were strange to Ruth. She was cold, and +utterly weary. She took Miss Benson's offered arm, and could +hardly drag herself as far as the little quiet street in which +Mr. Benson's house was situated. The street was so quiet that +their footsteps sounded like a loud disturbance, and announced +their approach as effectually as the "trumpet's lordly blare" did +the coming of Abdallah. A door flew open, and a lighted passage +stood before them. As soon as they had entered, a stout elderly +servant emerged from behind the door, her face radiant with +welcome. + +"Eh, bless ye! are ye hack again? I thought I should ha' been +lost without ye." She gave Mr. Benson a hearty shake of the hand, +and kissed Miss Benson warmly; then, turning to Ruth, she said, +in a loud whisper-- + +"Who's yon?" + +Mr. Benson was silent, and walked a step onwards. Miss Benson +said boldly out-- + +"The lady I named in my note, Sally--Mrs. Denbigh, a distant +relation." + +"Ay, but you said hoo was a widow. Is this chit a widow?" + +"Yes, this is Mrs. Denbigh," answered Miss Benson. + +"If I'd been her mother, I'd ha' given her a lollypop instead on +a husband. Hoo looks fitter for it." + +"Hush! Sally, Sally! Look, there's your master trying to move +that heavy box." Miss Benson calculated well when she called +Sally's attention to her master; for it was believed by every +one, and by Sally herself, that his deformity was owing to a fall +he had had when he was scarcely more than a baby, and intrusted +to her care--a little nurse-girl, as she then was, not many years +older than himself. For years the poor girl had cried herself to +sleep on her pallet bed, moaning over the blight her carelessness +had brought upon her darling; nor was this self-reproach +diminished by the forgiveness of the gentle mother, from whom +Thurstan Benson derived so much of his character. The way in +which comfort stole into Sally's heart was in the +gradually-formed resolution that she would never leave him nor +forsake him, but serve him faithfully all her life long; and she +had kept to her word. She loved Miss Benson, but she almost +worshipped the brother. The reverence for him was in her heart, +however, and did not always show itself in her manners. But if +she scolded him herself, she allowed no one else that privilege. +If Miss Benson differed from her brother, and ventured to think +his sayings or doings might have been improved, Sally came down +upon her like a thunder-clap. + +"My goodness gracious, Master Thurstan, when will you learn to +leave off meddling with other folks' business? Here, Ben! help me +up with these trunks." The little narrow passage was cleared, and +Miss Benson took Ruth into the sitting-room. There were only two +sitting-rooms on the ground-floor, one behind the other. Out of +the back room the kitchen opened, and for this reason the back +parlour was used as the family sitting-room; or else, being, with +its garden aspect, so much the pleasanter of the two, both Sally +and Miss Benson would have appropriated it for Mr. Benson's +study. As it was, the front room, which looked to the street, was +his room; and many a person coming for help--help of which giving +money was the lowest kind--was admitted, and let forth by Mr. +Benson, unknown to any one else in the house. To make amends for +his having the least cheerful room on the ground-floor, he had +the garden bedroom, while his sister slept over his study. There +were two more rooms again over these, with sloping ceilings, +though otherwise large and airy. The attic looking into the +garden was the spare bedroom; while the front belonged to Sally. +There was no room over the kitchen, which was, in fact, a +supplement to the house. The sitting-room was called by the +pretty, old-fashioned name of the parlour, while Mr. Benson's +room was styled the study. + +The curtains were drawn in the parlour; there was a bright fire +and a clean hearth; indeed, exquisite cleanliness seemed the very +spirit of the household, for the door which was open to the +kitchen showed a delicately-white and spotless floor, and bright +glittering tins, on which the ruddy firelight danced. + +From the place in which Ruth sat she could see all Sally's +movements; and though she was not conscious of close or minute +observation at the time (her body being weary, and her mind full +of other thoughts), yet it was curious how faithfully that scene +remained depicted on her memory in after years. The warm light +filled every corner of the kitchen, in strong distinction to the +faint illumination of the one candle in the parlour, whose +radiance was confined, and was lost in the dead folds of +window-curtains, carpet, and furniture. The square, stout, +bustling figure, neat and clean in every respect, but dressed in +the peculiar, old-fashioned costume of the county, namely, a +dark-striped linsey-woolsey petticoat, made very short, +displaying sturdy legs in woollen stockings beneath; a loose kind +of jacket, called there a "bedgown," made of pink print, a +snow-white apron and cap, both of linen, and the latter made in +the shape of a "mutch";--these articles completed Sally's +costume, and were painted on Ruth's memory. Whilst Sally was +busied in preparing tea, Miss Benson took off Ruth's things; and +the latter instinctively felt that Sally, in the midst of her +movements, was watching their proceedings. Occasionally she also +put in a word in the conversation, and these little sentences +were uttered quite in the tone of an equal, if not of a superior. +She had dropped the more formal "you," with which at first she +had addressed Miss Benson, and thou'd her quietly and habitually. + +All these particulars sank unconsciously into Ruth's mind, but +they did not rise to the surface, and become perceptible, for a +length of time. She was weary and much depressed. Even the very +kindness that ministered to her was overpowering. But over the +dark, misty moor a little light shone--a beacon; and on that she +fixed her eyes, and struggled out of her present deep +dejection--the little child that was coming to her! + +Mr. Benson was as languid and weary as Ruth, and was silent +during all this bustle and preparation. His silence was more +grateful to Ruth than Miss Benson's many words, although she felt +their kindness. After tea, Miss Benson took her upstairs to her +room. The white dimity bed, and the walls, stained green, had +something of the colouring and purity of effect of a snowdrop; +while the floor, rubbed with a mixture that turned it into a rich +dark-brown, suggested the idea of the garden-mould out of which +the snowdrop grows. As Miss Benson helped the pale Ruth to +undress, her voice became less full-toned and hurried; the hush +of approaching night subdued her into a softened, solemn kind of +tenderness, and the murmured blessing sounded like granted +prayer. + +When Miss Benson came downstairs, she found her brother reading +some letters which had been received during his absence. She went +and softly shut the door of communication between the parlour and +the kitchen; and then, fetching a grey worsted stocking which she +was knitting, sat down near him, her eyes not looking at her work +but flied on the fire; while the eternal rapid click of the +knitting-needles broke the silence of the room, with a sound as +monotonous and incessant as the noise of a hand-loom. She +expected him to speak, but he did not. She enjoyed an examination +into, and discussion of, her feelings; it was an interest and +amusement to her, while he dreaded and avoided all such +conversation. There were times when his feelings, which were +always earnest, and sometimes morbid, burst forth, and defied +control, and overwhelmed him; when a force was upon him +compelling him to speak. But he, in general, strove to preserve +his composure, from a fear of the compelling pain of such times, +and the consequent exhaustion. His heart had been very full of +Ruth all day long, and he was afraid of his sister beginning the +subject; so he read on, or seemed to do so, though he hardly saw +the letter he held before him. It was a great relief to him when +Sally threw open the middle door with a bang, which did not +indicate either calmness of mind or sweetness of temper. + +"Is yon young woman going to stay any length o' time with us?" +asked she of Miss Benson. + +Mr. Benson put his hand gently on his sister's arm, to check her +from making any reply, while he said-- + +"We cannot exactly tell, Sally. She will remain until after her +confinement." + +"Lord bless us and save us!--a baby in the house! Nay, then my +time's come, and I'll pack up and begone. I never could abide +them things. I'd sooner have rats in the house." + +Sally really did look alarmed. + +"Why, Sally!" said Mr. Benson, smiling, "I was not much more than +a baby when you came to take care of me." + +"Yes, you were, Master Thurstan; you were a fine bouncing lad of +three year old and better." + +Then she remembered the change she had wrought in the "fine +bouncing lad," and her eyes filled with tears, which she was too +proud to wipe away with her apron; for, as she sometimes said to +herself, "she could not abide crying before folk." + +"Well, it's no use talking, Sally," said Miss Benson, too anxious +to speak to be any longer repressed. "We've promised to keep her, +and we must do it; you'll have none of the trouble, Sally, so +don't be afraid." + +"Well, I never! as if I minded trouble! You might ha' known me +better nor that. I've scoured master's room twice over, just to +make the boards look white, though the carpet is to cover them, +and now you go and cast up about me minding my trouble. If them's +the fashions you've learnt in Wales, I'm thankful I've never been +there." + +Sally looked red, indignant, and really hurt. Mr. Benson came in +with his musical voice and soft words of healing. + +"Faith knows you don't care for trouble, Sally; she is only +anxious about this poor young woman, who has no friends but +ourselves. We know there will be more trouble in consequence of +her coming to stay with us; and I think, though we never spoke +about it, that in making our plans we reckoned on your kind help, +Sally, which has never failed us yet when we needed it." + +"You've twice the sense of your sister, Master Thurstan, that you +have. Boys always has. It's truth there will be more trouble, and +I shall have my share on't, I reckon. I can face it if I'm told +out and out, but I cannot abide the way some folk. has of denying +there's trouble or pain to be met; just as if their saying there +was none, would do away with it. Some folk treats one like a +babby, and I don't like it. I'm not meaning you, Master +Thurstan." + +"No, Sally, you need not say that. I know well enough who you +moan when you say 'some folk.' However, I admit I was wrong in +speaking as if you minded trouble, for there never was a creature +minded it less. But I want you to like Mrs. Denbigh," said Miss +Benson. + +"I dare say I should, if you'd let me alone. I did na like her +sitting down in master's chair. Set her up, indeed, in an +arm-chair wi' cushions! Wenches in my day were glad enough of +stools." + +"She was tired to-night," said Mr. Benson. "We are all tired; so +if you have done your work, Sally, come in to reading." + +The three quiet people knelt down side by side, and two of them +prayed earnestly for "them that had gone astray." Before ten +o'clock, the household were in bed. Ruth, sleepless, weary, +restless with the oppression of a sorrow which she dared not face +and contemplate bravely, kept awake all the early part of the +night. Many a time did she rise, and go to the long casement +window, and looked abroad over the still and quiet town--over the +grey stone walls, and chimneys, and old high-pointed roofs--on to +the far-away hilly line of the horizon, lying calm under the +bright moonshine. It was late in the morning when she woke from +her long-deferred slumbers; and when she went downstairs, she +found Mr. and Miss Benson awaiting her in the parlour. That +homely, pretty, old-fashioned little room! How bright and still +and clean it looked! The window (all the windows at the hack of +the house were casements) was open, to let in the sweet morning +air, and streaming eastern sunshine. The long jessamine sprays, +with their white-scented stars, forced themselves almost into the +room. The little square garden beyond, with grey stone walls all +round, was rich and mellow in its autumnal colouring, running +from deep crimson hollyhocks up to amber and gold nasturtiums, +and all toned down by the clear and delicate air. It was so +still, that the gossamer-webs, laden with dew, did not tremble or +quiver in the least; but the sun was drawing to himself the sweet +incense of many flowers, and the parlour was scented with the +odours of mignonette and stocks. Miss Benson was arranging a +bunch of China and damask roses in an old-fashioned jar; they +lay, all dewy and fresh, on the white breakfast-cloth when Ruth +entered. Mr. Benson was reading in some large folio. With gentle +morning speech they greeted her; but the quiet repose of the +scene was instantly broken by Sally popping in from the kitchen, +and glancing at Ruth with sharp reproach. She said-- + +"I reckon I may bring in breakfast, now?" with a strong emphasis +on the last word. + +"I am afraid I am very late," said Ruth. + +"Oh, never mind," said Mr. Benson gently. "It was our fault for +not telling you our breakfast hour. We always have prayers at +half-past seven; and for Sally's sake, we never vary from that +time; for she can so arrange her work, if she knows the hour of +prayers, as to have her mind calm and untroubled." + +"Ahem!" said Miss Benson, rather inclined to "testify" against +the invariable calmness of Sally's mind at any hour of the day; +but her brother went on as if he did not hear her. + +"But the breakfast does not signify being delayed a little; and I +am sure you were sadly tired with your long day yesterday." + +Sally came slapping in, and put down some withered, tough, dry +toast, with-- + +"It's not my doing if it is like leather"; but as no one appeared +to hear her, she withdrew to her kitchen, leaving Ruth's cheeks +like crimson at the annoyance she had caused. + +All day long, she had that feeling common to those who go to stay +at a fresh house among comparative strangers: a feeling of the +necessity that she should become accustomed to the new atmosphere +in which she was placed, before she could move and act freely; it +was, indeed, a purer ether, a diviner air, which she was +breathing in now, than what she had been accustomed to for long +months. The gentle, blessed mother, who had made her childhood's +home holy ground, was in her very nature so far removed from any +of earth's stains and temptation, that she seemed truly one of +those + +"Who ask not if Thine eye Be on them; who, in love and truth, +Where no misgiving is, rely Upon the genial sense of youth." + +In the Bensons' house there was the same unconsciousness of +individual merit, the same absence of introspection and analysis +of motive, as there had been in her mother; but it seemed that +their lives were pure and good, not merely from a lovely and +beautiful nature, but from some law, the obedience to which was, +of itself, harmonious peace, and which governed them almost +implicitly, and with as little questioning on their part, as the +glorious stars which haste not, rest not, in their eternal +obedience. This household had many failings: they were but human, +and, with all their loving desire to bring their lives into +harmony with the will of God, they often erred and fell short; +but, somehow, the very errors and faults of one individual served +to call out higher excellences in another, and so they reacted +upon each other, and the result of short discords was exceeding +harmony and peace. But they had themselves no idea of the real +state of things; they did not trouble themselves with marking +their progress by self-examination; if Mr. Benson did sometimes, +in hours of sick incapacity for exertion, turn inwards, it was to +cry aloud with almost morbid despair, "God be merciful to me a +sinner!" But he strove to leave his life in the hands of God, and +to forget himself. + +Ruth sat still and quiet through the long first day. She was +languid and weary from her journey; she was uncertain what help +she might offer to give in the household duties, and what she +might not. And, in her languor and in her uncertainty, it was +pleasant to watch the new ways of the people among whom she was +placed. After breakfast, Mr. Benson withdrew to his study, Miss +Benson took away the cups and saucers, and leaving the +kitchen-door open, talked sometimes to Ruth, sometimes to Sally, +while she washed them up. Sally had upstairs duties to perform, +for which Ruth was thankful, as she kept receiving rather angry +glances for her unpunctuality as long as Sally remained +downstairs. Miss Benson assisted in the preparation for the early +dinner, and brought some kidney-beans to shred into a basin of +bright, pure spring-water, which caught and danced in the +sunbeams as she sat near the open casement of the parlour, +talking to Ruth of things and people which as yet the latter did +not understand, and could not arrange and comprehend. She was +like a child who gets a few pieces of a dissected map, and is +confused until a glimpse of the whole unity is shown him. Mr. and +Mrs. Bradshaw were the centre pieces in Ruth's map; their +children, their servants, were the accessories; and one or two +other names were occasionally mentioned. Ruth wondered and almost +wearied at Miss Benson's perseverance in talking to her about +people whom she did not know; but, in truth, Miss Benson heard +the long-drawn, quivering sighs which came from the poor heavy +heart, when it was left to silence, and had leisure to review the +past; and her quick accustomed ear caught also the low mutterings +of the thunder in the distance, in the shape of Sally's +soliloquies, which, like the asides at a theatre, were intended +to be heard. Suddenly, Miss Benson called Ruth out of the room +upstairs into her own bed-chamber, and then began rummaging in +little old-fashioned boxes, drawn out of an equally old-fashioned +bureau, half-desk, half-table, and wholly drawers. + +"My dear, I've been very stupid and thoughtless. Oh! I'm so glad +I thought of it before Mrs. Bradshaw came to call. Here it is!" +and she pulled out an old wedding-ring, and hurried it on Ruth's +finger. Ruth hung down her head, and reddened deep with shame; +her eyes smarted with the hot tears that filled them. Miss Benson +talked on, in a nervous hurried way-- + +"It was my grandmother's; it's very broad; they made them so +then, to hold a posy inside: there's one in that-- + +'Thine own sweetheart Till death doth part,' + +I think it is. There, there! Run away, and look as if you'd +always worn it." Ruth went up to her room, and threw herself down +on her knees by the bedside, and cried as if her heart would +break; and then, as if a light had come down into her soul, she +calmed herself and prayed--no words can tell how humbly, and with +what earnest feeling. When she came down, she was tearstained and +wretchedly pale; but even Sally looked at her with new eyes, +because of the dignity with which she was invested by an +earnestness of purpose which had her child for its object. She +sat and thought, but she no longer heaved those bitter sighs +which had wrung Miss Benson's heart in the morning. In this way +the day wore on; early dinner, early tea seemed to make it +preternaturally long to Ruth; the only event was some unexplained +absence of Sally's, who had disappeared out of the house in the +evening, much to Miss Benson's surprise, and somewhat to her +indignation. + +At night, after Ruth had gone up to her room, this absence was343 +explained to her at least. She had let down her long waving +glossy hair, and was standing absorbed in thought in the middle +of the room, when she heard a round clumping knock at her door, +different from that given by the small knuckles of delicate +fingers, and in walked Sally, with a judge-like severity of +demeanour, holding in her hand two widow's caps of commonest make +and coarsest texture. Queen Eleanor herself, when she presented +the bowl to Fair Rosamond, had not a more relentless purpose +stamped on her demeanour than had Sally at this moment. She +walked up to the beautiful, astonished Ruth, where she stood in +her long, soft, white dressing-gown, with all her luxuriant brown +hair hanging dishevelled down her figure, and thus Sally spoke-- + +"Missus--or miss, as the case may be--I've my doubts as to you. +I'm not going to have my master and Miss Faith put upon, or shame +come near them. Widows wears these sort o' caps, and has their +hair cut off; and whether widows wears wedding-rings or not, they +shall have their hair cut off--they shall. I'll have no half work +in this house. I've lived with the family forty-nine year come +Michaelmas, and I'll not see it disgraced by any one's fine long +curls. Sit down and let me snip off your hair; and let me see you +sham decently in a widow's cap to-morrow, or I'll leave the +house. Whatten's come over Miss Faith, as used to be as mim a +lady as ever was, to be taken by such as you, I dunnot know. Here +I sit down with ye, and let me crop you." + +She laid no light hand on Ruth's shoulder; and the latter, partly +intimidated by the old servant, who had hitherto only turned her +vixen lining to observation, and partly because she was +broken-spirited enough to be indifferent to the measure proposed, +quietly sat down. Sally produced the formidable pair of scissors +that always hung at her side, and began to cut in a merciless +manner. She expected some remonstrance or some opposition, and +had a torrent of words ready to flow forth at the least sign of +rebellion; but Ruth was still and silent, with meekly-bowed head, +under the strange hands that were shearing her beautiful hair +into the clipped shortness of a boy's. Long before she had +finished, Sally had some slight misgivings as to the fancied +necessity of her task; but it was too late, for half the curls +were gone, and the rest must now come off. When she had done, she +lifted up Ruth's face by placing her hand under the round white +chin. She gazed into the countenance, expecting to read some +anger there, though it had not come out in words; but' she only +met the large, quiet eyes, that looked at her with sad gentleness +out of their finely-hollowed orbits. Ruth's soft, yet dignified +submission, touched Sally with compunction, though she did not +choose to show the change in her feelings. She tried to hide it +indeed, by stooping to pick up the long bright tresses; and, +holding them up admiringly, and letting them drop down and float +on the air (like the pendent branches of the weeping birch) she +said: "I thought we should ha' had some crying--I did. They're +pretty curls enough; you've not been so bad to let them be cut +off neither. You see, Master Thurstan is no wiser than a babby in +some things; and Miss Faith just lets him have his own way; so +it's all left to me to keep him out of scrapes. I'll wish you a +very good night. I've heard many a one say as long hair was not +wholesome. Good night." + +But in a minute she popped her head into Ruth's room once more-- + +"You'll put on them caps to-morrow morning. I'll make you a +present on them." + +Sally had carried away the beautiful curls, and she could not +find it in her heart to throw such lovely chestnut tresses away, +so she folded them up carefully in paper, and placed them in a +safe corner of her drawer. + + +CHAPTER XIV + + +RUTH'S FIRST SUNDAY AT ECCLESTON + +Ruth felt very shy when she came down (at half-past seven) the +next morning, in her widow's cap. Her smooth, pale face, with its +oval untouched by time, looked more young and childlike than +ever, when contrasted with the head-gear usually associated with +ideas of age. She blushed very deeply as Mr. and Miss Benson +showed the astonishment, which they could not conceal, in their +looks. She said in a low voice to Miss Benson-- + +"Sally thought I had better wear it." + +Miss Benson made no reply; but was startled at the intelligence, +which she thought was conveyed in this speech, of Sally's +acquaintance with Ruth's real situation. She noticed Sally's +looks particularly this morning. The manner in which the old +servant treated Ruth had in it far more of respect than there had +been the day before; but there was a kind of satisfied way of +braving out Miss Benson's glances which made the latter uncertain +and uncomfortable. She followed her brother into his study. + +"Do you know, Thurstan, I am almost certain Sally suspects." + +Mr. Benson sighed. That deception grieved him, and yet he thought +he saw its necessity. + +"What makes you think so?" asked he. + +"Oh! many little things. It was her odd way of ducking her head +about, as if to catch a good view of Ruth's left hand, that made +me think of the wedding-ring; and once, yesterday, when I thought +I had made up quite a natural speech, and was saying how sad it +was for so young a creature to be left a widow she broke in with +'widow be farred!' in a very strange, contemptuous kind of +manner." + +"If she suspects, we had far better tell her the truth at once. +She will never rest till she finds it out, so we must make a +virtue of necessity." + +"Well, brother, you shall tell her then, for I am sure I daren't. +I don't mind doing the thing, since you talked to me that day, +and since I have got to know Ruth; but I do mind all the clatter +people will make about it." + +"But Sally is not 'people.'" + +"Oh, I see it must be done; she'll talk as much as all the other +persons put together, so that's the reason I call her 'people.' +Shall I call her?" (For the house was too homely and primitive to +have bells.) + +Sally came, fully aware of what was now going to be told her, and +determined not to help them out in telling their awkward secret, +by understanding the nature of it before it was put into the +plainest language. In every pause, when they hoped she had caught +the meaning they were hinting at, she persisted in looking stupid +and perplexed, and in saying, "Well," as if quite unenlightened +as to the end of the story. When it was all complete and before +her, she said, honestly enough-- + +"It's just as I thought it was; and I think you may thank me for +having had the sense to put her into widow's caps, and clip off +that bonny brown hair that was fitter for a bride in lawful +matrimony than for such as her. She took it very well, though. +She was as quiet as a lamb, and I clipped her pretty roughly at +first. I must say, though, if I'd ha' known who your visitor was, +I'd ha' packed up my things and cleared myself out of the house +before such as her came into it. As it's done, I suppose I must +stand by you, and help you through with it; I only hope I sha'n't +lose my character--and me a parish-clerk's daughter!" + +"O Sally! people know you too well to think any ill of you," said +Miss Benson, who was pleased to find the difficulty so easily got +over; for, in truth, Sally had been much softened by the +unresisting gentleness with which Ruth had submitted to the +"clipping" of the night before. + +"If I'd been with you, Master Thurstan, I'd ha' seen sharp after +you, for you're always picking up some one or another as nobody +else would touch with a pair of tongs. Why, there was that Nelly +Brandon's child as was left at our door, if I hadn't gone to th' +overseer we should have had that Irish tramp's babby saddled on +us for life; but I went off and told th' overseer, and the mother +was caught." + +"Yes," said Mr. Benson sadly, "and I often lie awake and wonder +what is the fate of that poor little thing, forced back on the +mother who tried to get quit of it. I often doubt whether I did +right; but it's no use thinking about it now." + +"I'm thankful it isn't," said Sally; "and now, if we've talked +doctrine long enough, I'll make th' beds. Yon girl's secret is +safe enough for me." + +Saying this she left the room, and Miss Benson followed. She +found Ruth busy washing the breakfast things; and they were done +in so quiet and orderly a manner, that neither Miss Benson nor +Sally, both particular enough, had any of their little fancies or +prejudices annoyed. She seemed to have an instinctive knowledge +of the exact period when her help was likely to become a +hindrance, and withdrew from the busy kitchen just at the right +time. + +That afternoon, as Miss Benson and Ruth sat at their work, Mrs. +and Miss Bradshaw called. Miss Benson was so nervous as to +surprise Ruth, who did not understand the probable and possible +questions which might be asked respecting any visitor at the +minister's house. Ruth went on sewing, absorbed in her own +thoughts, and glad that the conversation between the two elder +ladies and the silence of the younger one, who sat at some +distance from her, gave her an opportunity of retreating into the +haunts of memory; and soon the work fell from her hands, and her +eyes were fixed on the little garden beyond, but she did not see +its flowers or its walls; she saw the mountains which girdled +Llan-dhu, and saw the sun rise from behind their iron outline, +just as it had done--how long ago? was it months or was it +years?--since she had watched the night through, crouched up at +his door. Which was the dream and which the reality? that distant +life or this? His moans rang more clearly in her ears than the +buzzing of the conversation between Mrs. Bradshaw and Miss +Benson. + +At length the subdued, scared-looking little lady and her +bright-eyed silent daughter rose to take leave; Ruth started into +the present, and stood up and curtseyed, and turned sick at heart +with sudden recollection. + +Miss Benson accompanied Mrs. Bradshaw to the door; and in the +passage gave her a long explanation of Ruth's (fictitious) +history. Mrs. Bradshaw looked so much interested and pleased, +that Miss Benson enlarged a little more than was necessary, and +rounded off her invention with one or two imaginary details, +which, she was quite unconscious, were overheard by her brother +through the half-open study door. + +She was rather dismayed when he called her into his room after +Mrs. Bradshaw's departure, and asked her what she had been saying +about Ruth? + +"Oh! I thought it was better to explain it thoroughly--I mean, to +tell the story we wished to have believed once for all--you know +we agreed about that, Thurstan?" deprecatingly. + +"Yes; but I heard you saying you believed her husband had been a +young surgeon, did I not?" + +"Well, Thurstan, you know he must have been something; and young +surgeons are so in the way of dying, it seemed very natural. +Besides," said she with sudden boldness, "I do think I've a +talent for fiction, it is so pleasant to invent, and make the +incidents dovetail together; and after all, if we are to tell a +lie, we may as well do it thoroughly, or else it's of no use. A +bungling lie would be worse than useless. And, Thurstan--it may +be very wrong--but I believe--I am afraid I enjoy not being +fettered by truth. Don't look so grave. You know it is necessary, +if ever it was, to tell falsehoods now; and don't be angry with +me because I do it well." + +He was shading his eyes with his hand, and did not speak for some +time. At last he said-- + +"If it were not for the child, I would tell all; but the world is +so cruel. You don't know how this apparent necessity for +falsehood pains me, Faith, or you would not invent all these +details, which are so many additional lies." + +"Well, well! I will restrain myself if I have to talk about Ruth +again. But Mrs. Bradshaw will tell every one who need to know. +You don't wish me to contradict it, Thurstan, surely--it was such +a pretty, probable story." + +"Faith! I hope God will forgive us if we are doing wrong; and +pray, dear, don't add one unnecessary word that is not true." + +Another day elapsed, and then it was Sunday: and the house seemed +filled with a deep peace. Even Sally's movements were less hasty +and abrupt. Mr. Benson seemed invested with a new dignity, which +made his bodily deformity be forgotten in his calm, grave +composure of spirit. Every trace of week-day occupation was put +away; the night before, a bright new handsome tablecloth had been +smoothed down over the table, and the jars had been freshly +filled with flowers. Sunday was a festival and a holyday in the +house. After the very early breakfast, little feet pattered into +Mr. Benson's study, for he had a class for boys--a sort of +domestic Sunday-school, only that there was more talking between +teachers and pupils, than dry, absolute lessons going on. Miss +Benson, too, had her little, neat-tippeted maidens sitting with +her in the parlour; and she was far more particular in keeping +them to their reading and spelling than her brother was with his +boys. Sally, too, put in her word of instruction from the +kitchen, helping, as she fancied, though her assistance was often +rather malapropos; for instance, she called out, to a little fat, +stupid, roly-poly girl, to whom Miss Benson was busy explaining +the meaning of the word quadruped-- + +"Quadruped, a thing wi' four legs, Jenny; a chair is a quadruped, +child!" + +But Miss Benson had a deaf manner sometimes when her patience was +not too severely tried, and she put it on now. Ruth sat on a low +hassock, and coaxed the least of the little creatures to her, and +showed it pictures till it fell asleep in her arms, and sent a +thrill through her, at the thought of the tiny darling who would +lie on her breast before long, and whom she would have to cherish +and to shelter from the storms of the world. + +And then she remembered, that she was once white and sinless as +the wee lassie who lay in her arms; and she knew that she had +gone astray. By-and-by the children trooped away, and Miss Benson +summoned her to put on he? things for chapel. + +The chapel was up a narrow street, or rather cul-de-sac, close +by. It stood on the outskirts of the town, almost in fields. It +was built about the time of Matthew and Philip Henry, when the +Dissenters were afraid of attracting attention or observation, +and hid their places of worship in obscure and out-of-the-way +parts of the towns in which they were built. Accordingly, it +often happened, as in the present case, that the buildings +immediately surrounding, as well as the chapels themselves, +looked as if they carried you back to a period a hundred and +fifty years ago. The chapel had a picturesque and old-world look, +for luckily the congregation had been too poor to rebuild it, or +new-face it, in George the Third's time. The staircases which led +to the galleries were outside, at each end of the building, and +the irregular roof and worn stone steps looked grey and stained +by time and weather. The grassy hillocks, each with a little +upright headstone, were shaded by a grand old wych-elm. A +lilac-bush or two, a white rose-tree, and a few laburnums, all +old and gnarled enough, were planted round the chapel yard; and +the casement windows of the chapel were made of heavy-leaded, +diamond-shaped panes, almost covered with ivy, producing a green +gloom, not without its solemnity, within. This ivy was the home +of an infinite number of little birds, which twittered and +warbled, till it might have been thought that they were emulous +of the power of praise possessed by the human creatures within, +with such earnest, long-drawn strains did this crowd of winged +songsters rejoice and be glad in their beautiful gift of life. +The interior of the building was plain and simple as plain and +simple could be. When it was fitted up, oak-timber was much +cheaper than it is now, so the wood-work was all of that +description; but roughly hewed, for the early builders had not +much wealth to spare. The walls were whitewashed, and were +recipients of the shadows of the beauty without; on their "white +plains" the tracery of the ivy might be seen, now still, now +stirred by the sudden flight of some little bird. The +congregation consisted of here and there a farmer with his +labourers, who came down from the uplands beyond the town to +worship where their fathers worshipped, and who loved the place +because they knew how much those fathers had suffered for it, +although they never troubled themselves with the reason why they +left the parish church; and of a few shopkeepers, far more +thoughtful and reasoning, who were Dissenters from conviction, +unmixed with old. ancestral association; and of one or two +families of still higher worldly station. With many poor, who +were drawn there by love for Mr. Benson's character, and by a +feeling that the faith which made him what he was could not be +far wrong, for the base of the pyramid, and with Mr. Bradshaw for +its apex, the congregation stood complete. + +The country people came in sleeking down their hair, and treading +with earnest attempts at noiseless lightness of step over the +floor of the aisle; and, by-and-by, when all were assembled, Mr. +Benson followed, unmarshalled and unattended. When he had closed +the pulpit-door, and knelt in prayer for an instant or two, he +gave out a psalm from the dear old Scottish paraphrase, with its +primitive inversion of the simple perfect Bible words; and a kind +of precentor stood up, and, having sounded the note on a +pitch-pipe, sang a couple of lines by way of indicating the tune; +then all the congregation stood up, and sang aloud, Mr. +Bradshaw's great bass voice being half a note in advance of the +others, in accordance with his place of precedence as principal +member of the congregation. His powerful voice was like an organ +very badly played, and very much out of tune; but as he had no +ear, and no diffidence, it pleased him very much to hear the fine +loud sound. He was a tall, large-boned, iron man; stern, +powerful, and authoritative in appearance; dressed in clothes of +the finest broadcloth, and scrupulously ill-made, as if to show +that he was indifferent to all outward things. His wife was sweet +and gentle-looking, but as if she was thoroughly broken into +submission. + +Ruth did not see this, or hear aught but the words which were +reverently--oh, how reverently!--spoken by Mr. Benson. He had had +Ruth present in his thoughts all the time he had been preparing +for his Sunday duty; and he had tried carefully to eschew +everything which she might feel as an allusion to her own case. +He remembered how the Good Shepherd, in Poussin's beautiful +picture, tenderly carried the lambs which had wearied themselves +by going astray, and felt how like tenderness was required +towards poor Ruth. But where is the chapter which does not +contain something which a broken and contrite spirit may not +apply to itself? And so it fell out that, as he read, Ruth's +heart was smitten, and she sank down, and down, till she was +kneeling on the floor of the pew, and speaking to God in the +spirit, if not in the words, of the Prodigal Son: "Father! I have +sinned against Heaven and before Thee, and am no more worthy to +be called Thy child!" Miss Benson was thankful (although she +loved Ruth the better for this self-abandonment) that the +minister's seat was far in the shade of the gallery. She tried to +look most attentive to her brother, in order that Mr. Bradshaw +might not suspect anything unusual, while she stealthily took +hold of Ruth's passive hand, as it lay helpless on the cushion, +and pressed it softly and tenderly. But Ruth sat on the ground, +bowed down and crushed in her sorrow, till all was ended. + +Miss Benson loitered in her seat, divided between the +consciousness that she, as locum tenens for the minister's wife, +was expected to be at the door to receive the kind greetings of +many after her absence from home, and her unwillingness to +disturb Ruth, who was evidently praying, and, by her quiet +breathing, receiving grave and solemn influences into her soul. +At length she rose up, calm and composed even to dignity. The +chapel was still and empty; but Miss Benson heard the buzz of +voices in the chapel-yard without. They were probably those of +people waiting for her; and she summoned courage, and taking +Ruth's arm in hers, and holding her hand affectionately, they +went out into the broad daylight. As they issued forth, Miss +Benson heard Mr. Bradshaw's strong bass voice speaking to her +brother, and winced, as she knew he would be wincing, under the +broad praise, which is impertinence, however little it may be +intended or esteemed as such. + +"Oh, yes!--my wife told me yesterday about her--her husband was a +surgeon; my father was a surgeon too, as I think you have heard. +Very much to your credit, I must say, Mr. Benson, with your +limited means, to burden yourself with a poor relation. Very +creditable indeed." + +Miss Benson glanced at Ruth; she either did not hear or did not +understand, but passed on into the awful sphere of Mr. Bradshaw's +observation unmoved. He was in a bland and condescending humour +of universal approval, and when he saw Ruth he nodded his head in +token of satisfaction. That ordeal was over, Miss Benson thought, +and in the thought rejoiced. + +"After dinner, you must go and lie down, my dear," said she, +untying Ruth's bonnet-strings, and kissing her. "Sally goes to +church again, but you won't mind staying alone in the house. I am +sorry we have so many people to dinner; but my brother will +always have enough on Sundays for any old or weak people, who may +have come from a distance, to stay and dine with us; and to-day +they all seem to have come, because it is his first Sabbath at +home." + +In this way Ruth's first Sunday passed over. + + +CHAPTER XV + + +MOTHER AND CHILD + +"Here is a parcel for you, Ruth!" said Miss Benson on the Tuesday +morning. + +"For me!" said Ruth, all sorts of rushing thoughts and hopes +filling her mind, and turning her dizzy with expectation. If it +had been from "him," the new-born resolutions would have had a +bard struggle for existence. + +"It is directed 'Mrs. Denbigh,'" said Miss Benson, before giving +it up. "It is in Mrs. Bradshaw's handwriting;" and, far more +curious than Ruth, she awaited the untying of the close-knotted +string. When the paper was opened, it displayed a whole piece of +delicate cambric muslin; and there was a short note from Mrs. +Bradshaw to Ruth, saying her husband had wished her to send this +muslin in aid of any preparations Mrs. Denbigh might have to +make. Ruth said nothing, but coloured up, and sat down again to +her employment. + +"Very fine muslin, indeed," said Miss Benson, feeling it, and +holding it up against the light, with the air of a connoisseur; +yet all the time she was glancing at Ruth's grave face. The +latter kept silence, and showed no wish to inspect her present +further. At last she said, in a low voice-- + +"I suppose I may send it back again?" + +"My dear child! send it back to Mr. Bradshaw! You'd offend him +for life. You may depend upon it, he means it as a mark of high +favour!" + +"What right had he to send it me?" asked Ruth, still in her quiet +voice. + +"What right? Mr. Bradshaw thinks----I don't know exactly what +you mean by 'right.'" + +Ruth was silent for a moment, and then said-- + +"There are people to whom I love to feel that I owe +gratitude--gratitude which I cannot express, and had better not +talk about--but I cannot see why a person whom I do not know +should lay me under an obligation. Oh! don't say I must take this +muslin, please, Miss Benson!" + +What Miss Benson might have said if her brother had not just then +entered the room, neither he nor any other person could tell; but +she felt his presence was most opportune, and called him in as +umpire. He had come hastily, for he had much to do; but he no +sooner heard the case than he sat down, and tried to draw some +more explicit declaration of her feeling from Ruth, who had +remained silent during Miss Benson's explanation. + +"You would rather send this present back?" said he. + +"Yes," she answered softly. "Is it wrong?" + +"Why do you want to return it?" + +"Because I feel as if Mr. Bradshaw had no right to offer it me." + +Mr. Benson was silent. + +"It's beautifully fine," said Miss Benson, still examining the +piece. + +"You think that it is a right which must be earned?" + +"Yes," said she, after a minute's pause. "Don't you?" + +"I understand what you mean. It is a delight to have gifts made +to you by those whom you esteem and love, because then such gifts +are merely to be considered as fringes to the garment--as +inconsiderable additions to the mighty treasure of their +affection, adding a grace, but no additional value, to what +before was precious, and proceeding as naturally out of that as +leaves burgeon out upon the trees; but you feel it to be +different when there is no regard for the giver to idealise the +gift--when it simply takes its stand among your property as so +much money's value. Is this it, Ruth?" + +"I think it is. I never reasoned why I felt as I did; I only knew +that Mr. Bradshaw's giving me a present hurt me, instead of +making me glad." + +"Well, but there is another side of the case we have not looked +at yet--we must think of that, too. You know who said, 'Do unto +others as ye would that they should do unto you'? Mr. Bradshaw +may not have had that in his mind when he desired his wife to +send you this; he may have been self-seeking, and only anxious to +gratify his love of patronising--that is the worst motive we can +give him; and that would be no excuse for your thinking only of +yourself, and returning his present." + +"But you would not have me pretend to be obliged?" asked Ruth. + +"No, I would not. I have often been similarly situated to you, +Ruth; Mr. Bradshaw has frequently opposed me on the points on +which I feel the warmest--am the most earnestly convinced. He, no +doubt, thinks me Quixotic, and often speaks of me, and to me, +with great contempt when he is angry. I suppose he has a little +fit of penitence afterwards, or perhaps he thinks he can pay for +ungracious speeches by a present; so, formerly, he invariably +sent me something after these occasions. It was a time, of all +others, to feel as you are doing now; but I became convinced it +would be right to accept them, giving only the very cool thanks +which I felt. This omission of all show of much gratitude had the +best effect--the presents have much diminished; but, if the gifts +have lessened, the unjustifiable speeches have decreased in still +greater proportion, and I am sure we respect each other more. +Take this muslin, Ruth, for the reason I named; and thank him as +your feelings prompt you. Overstrained expressions of gratitude +always seem like an endeavour to place the receiver of these +expressions in the position of debtor for future favours. But you +won't fall into this error." + +Ruth listened to Mr. Benson; but she had not yet fallen +sufficiently into the tone of his mind to understand him fully. +She only felt that he comprehended her better than Miss Benson, +who once more tried to reconcile her to her present, by calling +her attention to the length and breadth thereof. + +"I will do what you wish me," she said, after a little pause of +thoughtfulness. + +"May we talk of something else?" + +Mr. Benson saw that his sister's frame of mind was not +particularly congenial with Ruth's, any more than Ruth's was with +Miss Benson's; and, putting aside all thought of returning to the +business which had appeared to him so important when he came into +the room (but which principally related to himself), he remained +above an hour in the parlour, interesting them on subjects far +removed from the present, and left them at the end of that time +soothed and calm. + +But the present gave a new current to Ruth's ideas. Her heart was +as yet too sore to speak, but her mind was crowded with plans. +She asked Sally to buy her (with the money produced by the sale +of a ring or two) the coarsest linen, the homeliest dark blue +print, and similar materials; on which she set busily to work to +make clothes for herself; and as they were made, she put them on; +and as she put them on, she gave a grace to each, which such +homely material and simple shaping had never had before. Then the +fine linen and delicate soft white muslin, which she had chosen +in preference to more expensive articles of dress when Mr. +Bellingham had given her carte blanche in London, were cut into +small garments, most daintily stitched and made ready for the +little creature, for whom in its white purity of soul nothing +could be too precious. + +The love which dictated this extreme simplicity and coarseness of +attire, was taken for stiff, hard economy by Mr. Bradshaw, when +he deigned to observe it. And economy by itself, without any soul +or spirit in it to make it living and holy, was a great merit in +his eyes. Indeed, Ruth altogether found favour with him. Her +quiet manner, subdued by an internal consciousness of a deeper +cause for sorrow than he was aware of, he interpreted into a very +proper and becoming awe of him. He looked off from his own +prayers to observe how well she attended to hers at chapel; when +he came to any verse in the hymn relating to immortality or a +future life, he sung it unusually loud, thinking he should thus +comfort her in her sorrow for her deceased husband. He desired +Mrs. Bradshaw to pay her every attention she could; and even once +remarked, that he thought her so respectable a young person that +he should. not object to her being asked to tea the next time Mr. +and Miss Benson came. He added, that he thought, indeed, Benson +had looked last Sunday as if he rather hoped to get an +invitation; and it was right to encourage the ministers, and to +show them respect, even though their salaries were small. The +only thing against this Mrs. Denbigh was the circumstance of her +having married too early, and without any provision for a family. +Though Ruth pleaded delicacy of health, and declined accompanying +Mr. and Miss Benson on their visit to Mr. Bradshaw, she still +preserved her place in his esteem; and Miss Benson had to call a +little upon her "talent for fiction" to spare Ruth from the +infliction of further presents, in making which his love of +patronising delighted. + +The yellow and crimson leaves came floating down on the still +October air; November followed, bleak and dreary; it was more +cheerful when the earth put on her beautiful robe of white, which +covered up all the grey naked stems, and loaded the leaves of the +hollies and evergreens each with its burden of feathery snow. +When Ruth sat down to languor and sadness, Miss Benson trotted +upstairs, and rummaged up every article of spare or worn-out +clothing, and bringing down a variety of strange materials, she +tried to interest Ruth in making them up into garments for the +poor. But, though Ruth's fingers flew through the work, she still +sighed with thought and remembrance. Miss Benson was at first +disappointed, and then she was angry. When she heard the low, +long sigh, and saw the dreamy eyes filling with glittering tears, +she would say, "What is the matter, Ruth?" in a half-reproachful +tone, for the sight of suffering was painful to her; she had done +all in her power to remedy it; and, though she acknowledged a +cause beyond her reach for Ruth's deep sorrow, and, in fact, +loved and respected her all the more for these manifestations of +grief, yet at the time they irritated her. Then Ruth would snatch +up the dropped work, and stitch away with drooping eyes, from +which the hot tears fell fast; and Miss Benson was then angry +with herself, yet not at all inclined to agree with Sally when +she asked her mistress "why she kept 'mithering' the poor lass +with asking her for ever what was the matter, as if she did not +know well enough." Some element of harmony was wanting--some +little angel of peace, in loving whom all hearts and natures +should be drawn together, and their discords hushed. The earth +was still "hiding her guilty front with innocent snow," when a +little baby was laid by the side of the pale, white mother. It +was a boy; beforehand she had wished for a girl, as being less +likely to feel the want of a father--as being what a mother, +worse than widowed, could most effectually shelter. But now she +did not think or remember this. What it was, she would not have +exchanged for a wilderness of girls. It was her own, her darling, +her individual baby, already, though not an hour old, separate +and sole in her heart, strangely filling up its measure with love +and peace, and even hope. For here was a new, pure, beautiful, +innocent life, which she fondly imagined, in that early passion +of maternal love, she could guard from every touch of corrupting +sin by ever watchful and most tender care. And her mother had +thought the same, most probably; and thousands of others think +the same, and pray to God to purify and cleanse their souls, that +they may be fit guardians for their little children. Oh, how Ruth +prayed, even while she was yet too weak to speak; and how she +felt the beauty and significance of the words, "Our Father!" + +She was roused from this holy abstraction by the sound of Miss +Benson's voice. It was very much as if she had been crying. + +"Look, Ruth!" it said softly, "my brother sends you these. They +are the first snowdrops in the garden." And she put them on the +pillow by Ruth; the baby lay on the opposite side. + +"Won't you look at him?" said Ruth; "he is so pretty!" + +Miss Benson had a strange reluctance to see him. To Ruth, in +spite of all that had come and gone, she was reconciled--nay, +more, she was deeply attached; but over the baby there hung a +cloud of shame and disgrace. Poor little creature! her heart was +closed against it--firmly, as she thought. But she could not +resist Ruth's low faint voice, nor her pleading eyes, and she +went round to peep at him as he lay on his mother's arm, as yet +his shield and guard. + +"Sally says he will have black hair, she thinks," said Ruth. "His +little hand is quite a man's, already. Just feel how firmly he +closes it;" and with her own weak fingers she opened his little +red fist, and taking Miss Benson's reluctant hand, placed one of +her fingers in his grasp. That baby-touch called out her love; +the doors of her heart were thrown open wide for the little +infant to go in and take possession. + +"Ah, my darling!" said Ruth, failing back weak and weary. "If God +will but spare you to me, never mother did more than I will. I +have done you a grievous wrong--but, if I may but live, I will +spend my life in serving you!" + +"And in serving God!" said Miss Benson, with tears in her eyes. +"You must not make him into an idol, or God will, perhaps, punish +you through him." + +A pang of affright shot through Ruth's heart at these words; had +she already sinned and made her child into an idol, and was there +punishment already in store for her through him? But then the +internal voice whispered that God was "Our Father," and that He +knew our frame, and knew how natural was the first outburst of a +mother's love; so, although she treasured up the warning, she +ceased to affright herself for what had already gushed forth. + +"Now go to sleep, Ruth," said Miss Benson, kissing her, and +darkening the room. But Ruth could not sleep; if her heavy eyes +closed, she opened them again with a start, for sleep seemed to +be an enemy stealing from her the consciousness of being a +mother. That one thought excluded all remembrance and all +anticipation, in those first hours of delight. + +But soon remembrance and anticipation came. There was the natural +want of the person, who alone could take an interest similar in +kind, though not in amount, to the mother's. And sadness grew +like a giant in the still watches of the night, when she +remembered that there would be no father to guide and strengthen +the child, and place him in a favourable position for fighting +the hard "Battle of Life." She hoped and believed that no one +would know the sin of his parents; and that that struggle might +be spared to him. But a father's powerful care and mighty +guidance would never be his; and then, in those hours of +spiritual purification, came the wonder and the doubt of how far +the real father would be the one to whom, with her desire of +heaven for her child, whatever might become of herself, she would +wish to intrust him. Slight speeches, telling of a selfish, +worldly nature, unnoticed at the time, came back upon her ear, +having a new significance. They told of a low standard, of +impatient self-indulgence, of no acknowledgment of things +spiritual and heavenly. Even while this examination was forced +upon her, by the new spirit of maternity that had entered into +her and made her child's welfare supreme, she hated and +reproached herself for the necessity there seemed upon her of +examining and judging the absent father of her child. And so the +compelling presence that had taken possession of her wearied her +into a kind of feverish slumber; in which she dreamt that the +innocent babe that lay by her side in soft ruddy slumber, had +started up into man's growth, and, instead of the pure and noble +being whom she had prayed to present as her child to "Our Father +in heaven," he was a repetition of his father; and, like him, +lured some maiden (who in her dream seemed strangely like +herself, only more utterly sad and desolate even than she) into +sin, and left her there to even a worse fate than that of +suicide. For Ruth believed there was a worse. She dreamt she saw +the girl, wandering, lost; and that she saw her son in high +places, prosperous--but with more than blood on his soul. She saw +her son dragged down by the clinging girl into some pit of +horrors into which she dared not look, but from whence his +father's voice was heard, crying aloud, that in his day and +generation he had not remembered the words of God, and that now +he was "tormented in this flame." Then she started in sick +terror, and saw, by the dim rushlight, Sally, nodding in an +armchair by the fire; and felt her little soft warm babe, nestled +up against her breast, rocked by her heart, which yet beat hard +from the effects of the evil dream. She dared not go to sleep +again, but prayed. And, every time she prayed, she asked with a +more complete wisdom, and a more utter and self-forgetting faith. +Little child! thy angel was with God, and drew her nearer and +nearer to Him, whose face is continually beheld by the angels of +little children. + + +CHAPTER XVI + + +SALLY TELLS OF HER SWEETHEARTS, AND DISCOURSES ON THE DUTIES OF +LIFE + +Sally and Miss Benson took it in turns to sit up, or rather, they +took it in turns to nod by the fire; for if Ruth was awake she +lay very still in the moonlight calm of her sick bed. That time +resembled a beautiful August evening, such as I have seen. The +white, snowy rolling mist covers up under its great sheet all +trees and meadows, and tokens of earth; but it cannot rise high +enough to shut out the heavens, which on such nights seem bending +very near, and to be the only real and present objects; and so +near, so real and present, did heaven, and eternity, and God seem +to Ruth, as she lay encircling her mysterious holy child. + +One night Sally found out she was not asleep. + +"I'm a rare hand at talking folks to sleep," said she. "I'll try +on thee, for thou must get strength by sleeping and eating. What +must I talk to thee about, I wonder. Shall I tell thee a love +story or a fairy story, such as I've telled Master Thurstan many +a time and many a time, for all his father set his face again +fairies, and called it vain talking; or shall I tell you the +dinner I once cooked, when Mr. Harding, as was Miss Faith's +sweetheart, came unlooked for, and we'd nought in the house but a +neck of mutton, out of which I made seven dishes, all with a +different name?" + +"Who was Mr. Harding?" asked Ruth. + +"Oh, he was a grand gentleman from Lunnon, as had seen Miss +Faith, and been struck by her pretty looks when she was out on a +visit, and came here to ask her to marry him. She said, 'No, she +would never leave Master Thurstan, as could never marry;' but she +pined a deal at after he went away. She kept up afore Master +Thurstan, but I seed her fretting, though I never let on that I +did, for I thought she'd soonest get over it and be thankful at +after she'd the strength to do right. However, I've no business +to be talking of Miss Benson's concerns. I'll tell you of my own +sweethearts and welcome, or I'll tell you of the dinner, which +was the grandest thing I ever did in my life, but I thought a +Lunnoner should never think country folks knew nothing; and, my +word, I puzzled him with his dinner. I'm doubting whether to this +day he knows whether what he was eating was fish, flesh, or fowl. +Shall I tell you how I managed?" + +But Ruth said she would rather hear about Sally's sweethearts; +much to the disappointment of the latter, who considered the +dinner by far the greatest achievement. + +"Well, you see, I don't know as I should call them sweethearts; +for excepting John Rawson, who was shut up in a mad-house the +next week, I never had what you may call a downright offer of +marriage but once. But I had once; and so I may say I had a +sweetheart. I was beginning to be afeard though, for one likes to +be axed; that's but civility; and I remember, after I had turned +forty, and afore Jeremiah Dixon had spoken, I began to think John +Rawson had perhaps not been so very mad, and that I'd done ill to +lightly his offer, as a madman's, if it was to be the only one I +was ever to have; I don't mean as I'd have had him, but I +thought, if it was to come o'er again, I'd speak respectful of +him to folk, and say it were only his way to go about on +all-fours, but that he was a sensible man in most things. However +I'd had my laugh, and so had others, at my crazy lover, and it +was late now to set him up as a Solomon. However, I thought it +would be no bad thing to be tried again; but I little thought the +trial would come when it did. You see, Saturday night is a +leisure night in counting-houses and such-like places, while it's +the busiest of all for servants. Well! it was a Saturday night, +and I'd my baize apron on, and the tails of my bed-gown pinned +together behind, down on my knees, pipeclaying the kitchen, when +a knock comes to the back door. 'Come in!' says I; but it knocked +again, as if it were too stately to open the door for itself; so +I got up rather cross, and opened the door; and there stood Jerry +Dixon, Mr. Holt's head-clerk; only he was not head-clerk then. So +I stood, stopping up the door, fancying he wanted to speak to +master; but he kind of pushed past me, and telling me summut +about the weather (as if I could not see it for myself), he took +a chair, and sat down by the oven. 'Cool and easy!' thought I; +meaning hisself, not his place, which I knew must be pretty hot. +Well! it seemed no use standing waiting for my gentleman to go; +not that he had much to say either; but he kept twirling his hat +round and round, and smoothing the nap on't with the back of his +hand. So at last I squatted down to my work, and thinks I, I +shall be on my knees all ready if he puts up a prayer, for I knew +he was a Methodee by bringing-up, and had only lately turned to +master's way of thinking; and them Methodees are terrible hands +at unexpected prayers when one least looks for 'em. I can't say I +like their way of taking one by surprise, as it were; but then +I'm a parish-clerk's daughter, and could never demean myself to +dissenting fashions, always save and except Master Thurstan's, +bless him. However, I'd been caught once or twice unawares, so +this time I thought I'd be up to it, and I moved a dry duster +wherever I went, to kneel upon in case he began when I were in a +wet place. By-and-by I thought, if the man would pray it would be +a blessing, for it would prevent his sending his eyes after me +wherever I went; for when they takes to praying they shuts their +eyes, and quivers th' lids in a queer kind o' way--them +Dissenters does. I can speak pretty plain to you, for you're bred +in the Church like mysel', and must find it as out o' the way as +I do to be among dissenting folk. God forbid I should speak +disrespectful of Master Thurstan and Miss Faith, though; I never +think on them as Church or Dissenters, but just as Christians. +But to come back to Jerry. First, I tried always to be cleaning +at his back; but when he wheeled round, so as always to face me, +I thought I'd try a different game. So, says I, 'Master Dixon, I +ax your pardon, but I must pipeclay under your chair. Will you +please to move?' Well, he moved; and by-and-by I was at him again +with the same words; and at after that, again and again, till he +were always moving about wi' his chair behind him, like a snail +as carries its house on its back. And the great gaupus never seed +that I were pipeclaying the same places twice over. At last I got +desperate cross, he were so in my way; so I made two big crosses +on the tails of his brown coat; for you see, wherever he went, up +or down, he drew out the tails of his coat from under him, and +stuck them through the bars of the chair; and flesh and blood +could not resist pipeclaying them for him; and a pretty brushing +he'd have, I reckon, to get it off again. Well! at length he +clears his throat uncommon loud; so I spreads my duster, and +shuts my eyes all ready; but when nought comed of it, I opened my +eyes a little bit to see what he were about. My word! if there he +wasn't down on his knees right facing me, staring as bard as he +could. Well! I thought it would be hard work to stand that, if he +made a long ado; so I shut my eyes again, and tried to think +serious, as became what I fancied were coming; but forgive me! +but I thought why couldn't the fellow go in and pray wi' Master +Thurstan, as had always a calm spirit ready for prayer, instead +o' me who had my dresser to scour, let alone an apron to iron. At +last he says, says he, 'Sally! will you oblige me with your +hand?' So I thought it were, maybe, Methodee fashion to pray hand +in hand; and I'll not deny but I wished I'd washed it better +after blackleading the kitchen fire. I thought I'd better tell +him it were not so clean as I could wish, so says I, 'Master +Dixon, you shall have it, and welcome, if I may just go and wash +'em first.' But, says he, 'My dear Sally, dirty or clean, it's +all the same to me, seeing I'm only speaking in a figuring way. +What I'm asking on my bended knees is, that you'd please to be so +kind as to be my wedded wife; week after next will suit me, if +it's agreeable to you!' My word! I were up on my feet in an +instant! It were odd now, weren't it? I never thought of taking +the fellow, and getting married; for all, I'll not deny, I had +been thinking it would be agreeable to be axed. But all at once, +I couldn't abide the chap. 'Sir,' says I, trying to look +shamefaced as became the occasion, but for all that feeling a +twittering round my mouth that I were afeard might end in a +laugh--'Master Dixon, I'm obleeged to you for the compliment, and +thank ye all the same, but I think I'd prefer a single life.' He +looked mighty taken aback; but in a minute he cleared up, and was +as sweet as ever. He still kept on his knees, and I wished he'd +take himself up; but, I reckon, he thought it would give force to +his words; says he, 'Think again, my dear Sally. I've a +four-roomed house, and furniture conformable; and eighty pound a +year. You may never have such a chance again.' There were truth +enough in that, but it was not pretty in the man to say it; and +it put me up a bit. 'As for that, neither you nor I can tell, +Master Dixon. You're not the first chap as I've had down on his +knees afore me, axing me to marry him (you see I were thinking of +John Rawson, only I thought there were no need to say he were on +all-fours--it were truth he were on his knees, you know), and +maybe you'll not be the last. Anyhow, I've no wish to change my +condition just now.' 'I'll wait till Christmas,' says he. 'I've a +pig as will be ready for killing then, so I must get married +before that.' Well now! would you believe it? the pig was a +temptation. I'd a receipt for curing hams, as Miss Faith would +never let me try, saying the old way were good enough. However, I +resisted. Says I, very stern, because I felt I'd been wavering, +'Master Dixon, once for all, pig or no pig, I'll not marry you. +And if you'll take my advice, you'll get up off your knees. The +flags is but damp yet, and it would be an awkward thing to have +rheumatiz just before winter.' With that he got up, stiff enough. +He looked as sulky a chap as ever I clapped eyes on. And as he +were so black and cross, I thought I'd done well (whatever came +of the pig) to say 'No' to him. 'You may live to repent this,' +says he, very red. 'But I'll not be hard upon ye, I'll give you +another chance. I'll let you have the night to think about it, +and I'll just call in to hear your second thoughts, after chapel, +to-morrow.' Well now! did ever you hear the like! But that is the +way with all of them men, thinking so much of theirselves, and +that it's but ask and have. They've never had me, though; and I +shall be sixty-one next Martinmas, so there's not much time left +for them to try me, I reckon. Well! when Jeremiah said that he +put me up more than ever, and I says, 'My first thoughts, second +thoughts, and third thoughts is all one and the same; you've but +tempted me once, and that was when you spoke of your pig. But of +yoursel' you're nothing to boast on, and so I'll bid you good +night, and I'll keep my manners, or else, if I told the truth, I +should say it had been a great loss of time listening to you. But +I'll be civil--so good night.' He never said a word, but went off +as black as thunder, slamming the door after him. The master +called me in to prayers, but I can't say I could put my mind to +them, for my heart was beating so. However, it was a comfort to +have had an offer of holy matrimony; and though it flustered me, +it made me think more of myself. In the night, I began to wonder +if I'd not been cruel and hard to him. You see, I were +feverish-like; and the old song of Barbary Allen would keep +running in my head, and I thought I were Barbary, and he were +young Jemmy Gray, and that maybe he'd die for love of me; and I +pictured him to mysel', lying on his death-bed, with his face +turned to the wall 'wi' deadly sorrow sighing,' and I could ha' +pinched mysel' for having been so like cruel Barbary Allen. And +when I got up next day, I found it hard to think on the real +Jerry Dixon I had seen the night before, apart from the sad and +sorrowful Jerry I thought on a-dying, when I were between +sleeping and waking. And for many a day I turned sick, when I +heard the passing bell, for I thought it were the bell +loud-knelling which were to break my heart wi' a sense of what +I'd missed in saying 'No' to Jerry, and so Idling him with +cruelty. But in less than a three week, I heard parish bells +a-ringing merrily for a wedding; and in the course of the +morning, some one says to me, 'Hark! how the bells is ringing for +Jerry Dixon's wedding!' And, all on a sudden, he changed back +again from a heart-broken young fellow, like Jemmy Gray, into a +stout, middle-aged man, ruddy-complexioned, with a wart on his +left cheek like life!" + +Sally waited for some exclamation at the conclusion of her tale; +but receiving none, she stepped softly to the bedside, and there +lay Ruth, peaceful as death, with her baby on her breast. + +"I thought I'd lost some of my gifts if I could not talk a body +to sleep," said Sally, in a satisfied and self-complacent tone. + +Youth is strong and powerful, and makes a hard battle against +sorrow. So Ruth strove and strengthened, and her baby flourished +accordingly; and before the little celandines were out on the +hedge-banks, or the white violets had sent forth their fragrance +from the border under the south wall of Miss Benson's small +garden, Ruth was able to carry her baby into that sheltered place +on sunny days. + +She often wished to thank Mr. Benson and his sister, but she did +not know how to tell the deep gratitude she felt, and therefore +she was silent. But they understood her silence well. One day, as +she watched her sleeping child, she spoke to Miss Benson, with +whom she happened to be alone. + +"Do you know of any cottage where the people are clean, and where +they would not mind taking me in?" asked she. + +"Taking you in! What do you mean?" said Miss Benson, dropping her +knitting, in order to observe Ruth more closely. + +"I mean," said Ruth, "where I might lodge with my baby--any very +poor place would do, only it must be clean, or he might be ill." + +"And what in the world do you want to go and lodge in a cottage +for?" said Miss Benson indignantly. + +Ruth did not lift up her eyes, but she spoke with a firmness +which showed that she had considered the subject. + +"I think I could make dresses. I know I did not learn as much as +I might, but perhaps I might do for servants and people who are +not particular." + +"Servants are as particular as any one," said Miss Benson, glad +to lay hold of the first objection that she could. + +"Well! somebody who would be patient with me," said Ruth. + +"Nobody is patient over an ill-fitting gown," put in Miss Benson. +"There's the stuff spoilt, and what not!" + +"Perhaps I could find plain work to do," said Ruth, very meekly. +"That I can do very well; mamma taught me, and I liked to learn +from her. If you would be so good, Miss Benson, you might tell +people I could do plain work very neatly, and punctually, and +cheaply." + +"You'd get sixpence a day, perhaps," said Miss Benson "and who +would take care of baby, I should like to know? Prettily he'd be +neglected, would not he? Why, he'd have the croup and the typhus +fever in no time, and be burnt to ashes after." + +"I have thought of all. Look how he sleeps! Hush, darling;" for +just at this point he began to cry, and to show his determination +to be awake, as if in contradiction to his mother's words. Ruth +took him up, and carried him about the room while she went on +speaking. + +"Yes, just now I know he will not sleep; but very often he will, +and in the night he always does." + +"And so you'd work in the night and kill yourself, and leave your +poor baby an orphan. Ruth! I'm ashamed of you. Now, brother" (Mr. +Benson had just come in), "is not this too bad of Ruth? here she +is planning to go away and leave us, just as we--as I, at +least--have grown so fond of baby, and he's beginning to know +me." + +"Where were you thinking of going to, Ruth?" interrupted Mr. +Benson, with mild surprise. + +"Anywhere to be near you and Miss Benson; in any poor cottage +where I might lodge very cheaply, and earn my livelihood by +taking in plain sewing, and perhaps a little dressmaking; and +where I could come and see you and dear Miss Benson sometimes and +bring baby." + +"If he was not dead before then of some fever, or burn, or scald, +poor neglected child, or you had not worked yourself to death +with never sleeping" said Miss Benson. + +Mr. Benson thought a minute or two, and then he spoke to Ruth-- + +"Whatever you may do when this little fellow is a year old, and +able to dispense with some of a mother's care, let me beg you, +Ruth, as a favour to me--as a still greater favour to my sister, +is it not, Faith?" + +"Yes; you may put it so if you like." + +"To stay with us," continued he, "till then. When baby is twelve +months old, we'll talk about it again, and very likely before +then some opening may be shown us. Never fear leading an idle +life, Ruth. We'll treat you as a daughter, and set you all the +household tasks; and it is not for your sake that we ask you to +stay, but for this little dumb helpless child's: and it is not +for our sake that you must stay, but for his." + +Ruth was sobbing. + +"I do not deserve your kindness," said she, in a broken voice; "I +do not deserve it." + +Her tears fell fast and soft like summer rain, but no further +word was spoken. Mr. Benson quietly passed on to make the inquiry +for which he had entered the room. + +But when there was nothing to decide upon, and no necessity for +entering upon any new course of action, Ruth's mind relaxed from +its strung-up state. She fell into trains of reverie, and +mournful regretful recollections which rendered her languid and +tearful. This was noticed both by Miss Benson and Sally, and as +each had kind sympathies, and felt depressed when they saw any +one near them depressed, and as each, without much reasoning on +the cause or reason for such depression, felt irritated at the +uncomfortable state into which they themselves were thrown, they +both resolved to speak to Ruth on the next fitting occasion. +Accordingly, one afternoon--the morning of that day had been +spent by Ruth in house-work, for she had insisted on Mr. Benson's +words, and had taken Miss Benson's share of the more active and +fatiguing household duties, but she went through them heavily, +and as if her heart was far away--in the afternoon when she was +nursing her child, Sally, on coming into the back parlour, found +her there alone, and easily detected the fact that she was +crying. + +"Where's Miss Benson?" asked Sally gruffly. + +"Gone out with Mr. Benson," answered Ruth, with an absent sadness +in her voice and manner. Her tears, scarce checked while she +spoke, began to fall afresh; and as Sally stood and gazed she saw +the babe look hack in his mother's face, and his little lip begin +to quiver, and his open blue eye to grow overclouded, as with +some mysterious sympathy with the sorrowful face bent over him. +Sally took him briskly from his mother's arms; Ruth looked up in +grave surprise, for in truth she had forgotten Sally's presence, +and the suddenness of the motion startled her. + +"My bonny boy! are they letting the salt tears drop on thy sweet +face before thou'rt weaned! Little somebody knows how to be a +mother--I could make a better myself. 'Dance, thumbkin, +dance--dance, ye merry men every one.' Ay, that's it! smile, my +pretty. Any one but a child like thee," continued she, turning to +Ruth, "would have known better than to bring ill-luck on thy +babby by letting tears fall on its face before it was weaned. But +thou'rt not fit to have a babby, and so I've said many a time. +I've a great mind to buy thee a doll, and take thy babby mysel'." + +Sally did not look at Ruth, for she was too much engaged in +amusing the baby with the tassel of the string to the +window-blind, or else she would have seen the dignity which the +mother's soul put into Ruth at that moment. Sally was quelled +into silence by the gentle composure, the self-command over her +passionate sorrow, which gave to Ruth an unconscious grandeur of +demeanour as she came up to the old servant. + +"Give him back to me, please. I did not know it brought ill-luck, +or if my heart broke I would not have let a tear drop on his +face--I never will again. Thank you, Sally," as the servant +relinquished him to her who came in the name of a mother. Sally +watched Ruth's grave, sweet smile, as she followed up Sally's +play with the tassel, and imitated, with all the docility +inspired by love, every movement and sound which had amused her +babe. + +"Thou'lt be a mother, after all," said Sally, with a kind of +admiration of the control which Ruth was exercising over herself. +"But why talk of thy heart breaking? I don't question thee about +what's past and gone; but now thou'rt wanting for nothing, nor +thy child either; the time to come is the Lord's and in His +hands; and yet thou goest about a-sighing and a-moaning in a way +that I can't stand or thole." + +"What do I do wrong?" said Ruth; "I try to do all I can." + +"Yes, in a way," said Sally, puzzled to know how to describe her +meaning. "Thou dost it--but there's a, right and a wrong way of +setting about everything--and to my thinking, the right way is to +take a thing up heartily, if it is only making a bed. Why! dear +ah me, making a bed may be done after a Christian fashion, I take +it, or else what's to come of such as me in heaven, who've had +little enough time on earth for clapping ourselves down on our +knees for set prayers? When I was a girl, and wretched enough +about Master Thurstan, and the crook on his back which came of +the fall I gave him, I took to praying and sighing, and giving up +the world; and I thought it were wicked to care for the flesh, so +I made heavy puddings, and was careless about dinner and the +rooms, and thought I was doing my duty, though I did call myself +a miserable sinner. But one night, the old missus (Master +Thurstan's mother) came in, and sat down by me, as I was +a-scolding myself, without thinking of what I was saying; and, +says she, 'Sally! what are you blaming yourself about, and +groaning over? We hear you in the parlour every night, and it +makes my heart ache.' 'Oh, ma'am,' says I, 'I'm a miserable +sinner, and I'm travailing in the new birth.' 'Was that the +reason,' says she, 'why the pudding was so heavy to-day?' 'Oh, +ma'am, ma'am,' said I, 'if you would not think of the things of +the flesh, but trouble yourself about your immortal soul.' And I +sat a-shaking my head to think about her soul. 'But,' says she, +in her sweet dropping voice, 'I do try to think of my soul every +hour of the day, if by that you mean trying to do the will of +God, but we'll talk now about the pudding; Master Thurstan could +not eat it, and I know you'll be sorry for that.' Well! I was +sorry, but I didn't choose to say so, as she seemed to expect me; +so says I, 'It's a pity to see children brought up to care for +things of the flesh;' and then I could have bitten my tongue out, +for the missus looked so grave, and I thought of my darling +little lad pining for want of his food. At last, says she, +'Sally, do you think God has put us into the world just to be +selfish, and do nothing but see after our own souls? or to help +one another with heart and hand, as Christ did to all who wanted +help?' I was silent, for, you see, she puzzled me. So she went +on, 'What is that beautiful answer in your Church catechism, +Sally?' I were pleased to hear a Dissenter, as I did not think +would have done it, speak so knowledgeably about the catechism, +and she went on: '"to do my duty in that station of life unto +which it shall please God to call me;" well, your station is a +servant and it is as honourable as a king's, if you look at it +right; you are to help and serve others in one way, just as a +king is to help others in another. Now what way are you to help +and serve, or to do your duty, in that station of life unto which +it has pleased God to call you? Did it answer God's purpose, and +serve Him, when the food was unfit for a child to eat, and +unwholesome for any one?' Well! I would not give it up, I was so +pig-headed about my soul; so says I, 'I wish folks would be +content with locusts and wild honey, and leave other folks in +peace to work out their salvation;' and I groaned out pretty loud +to think of missus's soul. I often think since she smiled a bit +at me; but she said, 'Well, Sally, to-morrow, you shall have time +to work out your salvation; but as we have no locusts in England, +and I don't think they'd agree with Master Thurstan if we had, I +will come and make the pudding; but I shall try and do it well, +not only for him to like it, but because everything may be done +in a right way or a wrong; the right way is to do it as well as +we can, as in God's sight; the wrong is to do it in a +self-seeking spirit, which either leads us to neglect it to +follow out some device of our own for our own ends, or to give up +too much time and thought to it both before and after the doing.' +Well! I thought of old missus's words this morning, when I saw +you making the beds. You sighed so, you could not half shake the +pillows; your heart was not in your work; and yet it was the duty +God had set you, I reckon; I know it's not the work parsons +preach about; though I don't think they go so far off the mark +when they read, 'whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, that do with +all thy might.' Just try for a day to think of all the odd jobs +as to be done well and truly as in God's sight, not just slurred +over anyhow, and you'll go through them twice as cheerfully, and +have no thought to spare for sighing or crying." + +Sally bustled off to set on the kettle for tea, and felt half +ashamed, in the quiet of the kitchen, to think of the oration she +had made in the parlour. But she saw with much satisfaction, that +henceforward Ruth nursed her boy with a vigour and cheerfulness +that were reflected back from him; and the household work was no +longer performed with a languid indifference, as if life and duty +were distasteful. Miss Benson had her share in this improvement, +though Sally placidly took all the credit to herself. One day as +she and Ruth sat together, Miss Benson spoke of the child, and +thence went on to talk about her own childhood. By' degrees they +spoke of education, and the book-learning that forms one part of +it; and the result was that Ruth determined to get up early all +through the bright summer mornings, to acquire the knowledge +hereafter to be given to her child. Her mind was uncultivated, +her reading scant; beyond the mere mechanical arts of education +she knew nothing; but she had a refined taste, and excellent +sense and judgment to separate the true from the false. With +these qualities, she set to work under Mr. Benson's directions. +She read in the early morning the books that he marked out; she +trained herself with strict perseverance to do all thoroughly; +she did not attempt to acquire any foreign language, although her +ambition was to learn Latin, in order to teach it to her boy. +Those summer mornings were happy, for she was learning neither to +look backwards nor forwards, but to live faithfully and earnestly +in the present. She rose while the hedge-sparrow was yet singing +his reveil to his mate; she dressed and opened her window, +shading the soft-blowing air and the sunny eastern light from her +baby. If she grew tired, she went and looked at him, and all her +thoughts were holy prayers for him. Then she would gaze awhile +out of the high upper window on to the moorlands, that swelled in +waves one behind the other, in the grey, cool morning light. +These were her occasional. relaxations, and after them she +returned with strength to her work. + + +CHAPTER XVII + + +LEONARD'S CHRISTENING + +In that body of Dissenters to which Mr. Benson belonged, it is +not considered necessary to baptize infants as early as the +ceremony can be performed; and many circumstances concurred to +cause the solemn thanksgiving and dedication of the child (for so +these Dissenters looked upon christenings) to be deferred until +it was probably somewhere about six months old. There had been +many conversations in the little sitting-room between the brother +and sister and their protegee, which had consisted of questions +betraying a thoughtful wondering kind of ignorance on the part of +Ruth, and answers more suggestive than explanatory from Mr. +Benson; while Miss Benson kept up a kind of running commentary, +always simple and often quaint, but with that intuition into the +very heart of all things truly religious which is often the gift +of those who seem, at first sight, to be only affectionate and +sensible. When Mr. Benson had explained his own views of what a +christening ought to be considered, and, by calling out Ruth's +latent feelings into pious earnestness, brought her into a right +frame of mind, he felt that he had done what he could to make the +ceremony more than a mere form, and to invest it, quiet, humble, +and obscure as it must necessarily be in outward shape--mournful +and anxious as many of its antecedents had rendered it--with the +severe grandeur of an act done in faith and truth. It was not far +to carry the little one, for, as I said, the chapel almost +adjoined the minister's house. The whole procession was to have +consisted of Mr. and Miss Benson, Ruth carrying her babe, and +Sally, who felt herself, as a Church-of-England woman, to be +condescending and kind in requesting leave to attend a baptism +among "them Dissenters" but unless she had asked permission, she +would not have been desired to attend, so careful was the habit +of her master and mistress that she should be allowed that +freedom which they claimed for themselves. But they were glad she +wished to go; they liked the feeling that all were of one +household, and that the interests of one were the interests of +all. It produced a consequence, however, which they did not +anticipate. Sally was full of the event which her presence was to +sanction, and, as it were, to redeem from the character of being +utterly schismatic; she spoke about it with an air of patronage +to three or four, and among them to some of the servants at Mr. +Bradshaw's. + +Miss Benson was rather surprised to receive a call from Jemima +Bradshaw, on the very morning of the day on which little Leonard +was to be baptized; Miss Bradshaw was rosy and breathless with +eagerness. Although the second in the family, she had been at +school when her younger sisters had been christened, and she was +now come, in the full warmth of a girl's fancy, to ask if she +might be present at the afternoon's service. She had been struck +with Mrs. Denbigh's grace and beauty at the very first sight, +when she had accompanied her mother to call upon the Bensons on +their return from Wales; and had kept up an enthusiastic interest +in the widow only a little older than herself, whose very reserve +and retirement but added to her unconscious power of enchantment. + +"Oh, Miss Benson! I never saw a christening; papa says I may go, +if you think Mr. Benson and Mrs. Denbigh would not dislike it; +and I will be quite quiet, and sit up behind the door, or +anywhere; and that sweet little baby! I should so like to see him +christened; is he to be called Leonard, did you say? After Mr. +Denbigh, is it?" + +"No--not exactly," said Miss Benson, rather discomfited. + +"Was not Mr. Denbigh's name Leonard, then? Mamma thought it would +be sure to be called after him, and so did I. But I may come to +the christening, may I not, dear Miss Benson?" + +Miss Benson gave her consent with a little inward reluctance. +Both her brother and Ruth shared in this feeling, although no one +expressed it; and it was presently forgotten. + +Jemima stood grave and quiet in the old-fashioned vestry +adjoining the chapel, as they entered with steps subdued to +slowness. She thought Ruth looked so pale and awed because she +was left a solitary parent; but Ruth came to the presence of God, +as one who had gone astray, and doubted her own worthiness to be +called His child; she came as a mother who had incurred a heavy +responsibility, and who entreated His almighty aid to enable her +to discharge it; full of passionate, yearning love which craved +for more faith in God, to still her distrust and fear of the +future that might hang over her darling. When she thought of her +boy, she sickened and trembled: but when she heard of God's +loving-kindness, far beyond all tender mother's love, she was +hushed into peace and prayer. There she stood, her fair pale +cheek resting on her baby's head, as he slumbered on her bosom; +her eyes went slanting down under their half-closed white lids; +but their gaze was not on the primitive cottage-like room, it was +earnestly fixed on a dim mist, through which she fain would have +seen the life that lay before her child; but the mist was still +and dense, too thick a veil for anxious human love to penetrate. +The future was hid with God. + +Mr. Benson stood right under the casement window that was placed +high up in the room; he was almost in shade, except for one or +two marked lights which fell on hair already silvery white; his +voice was always low and musical when he spoke to few; it was too +weak to speak so as to be heard by many without becoming harsh +and strange; but now it filled the little room with a loving +sound, like the stock-dove's brooding murmur over her young. He +and Ruth forgot all in their earnestness of thought; and when he +said "Let us pray," and the little congregation knelt down you +might have heard the baby's faint breathing, scarcely sighing out +upon the stillness, so absorbed were all in the solemnity. But +the prayer was long; thought followed thought, and fear crowded +upon fear, and all were to be laid bare before God, and His aid +and counsel asked. Before the end, Sally had shuffled quietly out +of the vestry into the green chapel-yard, upon which the door +opened. Miss Benson was alive to this movement, and so full of +curiosity as to what it might mean that she could no longer +attend to her brother, and felt inclined to rush off and question +Sally, the moment all was ended. Miss Bradshaw hung about the +babe and Ruth, and begged to be allowed to carry the child home, +but Ruth pressed him to her, as if there was no safe harbour for +him but in his mother's breast. Mr. Benson saw her feeling, and +caught Miss Bradshaw's look of disappointment. + +"Come home with us," said he, "and stay to tea. You have never +drunk tea with us since you went to school." + +"I wish I might," said Miss Bradshaw, colouring with pleasure. +"But I must ask papa. May I run home and ask?" + +"To be sure, my dear!" + +Jemima flew off; and fortunately her father was at home; for her +mother's permission would have been deemed insufficient. She +received many directions about her behaviour. + +"Take no sugar in your tea, Jemima. I am sure the Bensons ought +not to be able to afford sugar, with their means. And do not eat +much; you can have plenty at home on your return; remember Mrs. +Denbigh's keep must cost them a great deal." So Jemima returned +considerably sobered, and very much afraid of her hunger leading +her to forget Mr. Benson's poverty. Meanwhile Miss Benson and +Sally, acquainted with Mr. Benson's invitation to Jemima, set +about making some capital tea-cakes on which they piqued +themselves. They both enjoyed the offices of hospitality; and +were glad to place some home-made tempting dainty before their +guests. + +"What made ye leave the chapel-vestry before my brother had +ended?" inquired Miss Benson. + +"Indeed, ma'am, I thought master had prayed so long he'd be +drouthy. So I just slipped out to put on the kettle for tea." + +Miss Benson was on the point of reprimanding her for thinking of +anything besides the object of the prayer, when she remembered +how she herself had been unable to attend after Sally's departure +for wondering what had become of her; so she was silent. + +It was a disappointment to Miss Benson's kind and hospitable +expectation when Jemima, as hungry as a hound, confined herself +to one piece of the cake which her hostess had had such pleasure +in making. And Jemima wished she had not a prophetic feeling all +tea-time of the manner in which her father would inquire into the +particulars of the meal, elevating his eyebrows at every viand +named beyond plain bread-and-butter, and winding up with some +such sentence as this: + +"Well, I marvel how, with Benson's salary, he can afford to keep +such a table." + +Sally could have told of self-denial when no one was by, when the +left hand did not know what the right hand did, on the part of +both her master and mistress, practised without thinking even to +themselves that it was either a sacrifice or a virtue, in order +to enable them to help those who were in need, or even to gratify +Miss Benson's kind, old-fashioned feelings on such occasions as +the present, when a stranger came to the house. Her homely, +affectionate pleasure in making others comfortable, might have +shown that such little occasional extravagances were not waste, +but a good work; and were not to be gauged by the standard of +money-spending. This evening her spirits were damped by Jemima's +refusal to eat! Poor Jemima! the cakes were so good, and she was +so hungry; but still she refused. + +While Sally was clearing away the tea-things, Miss Benson and +Jemima accompanied Ruth upstairs, when she went to put little +Leonard to bed. + +"A christening is a very solemn service," said Miss Bradshaw; "I +had no idea it was so solemn. Mr. Benson seemed to speak as if he +had a weight of care on his heart that God alone could relieve or +lighten." + +"My brother feels these things very much," said Miss Benson, +rather wishing to cut short the conversation, for she had been +aware of several parts in the prayer which she knew were +suggested by the peculiarity and sadness of the case before him. + +"I could not quite follow him all through," continued Jemima. +"What did he mean by saying, 'This child, rebuked by the world +and bidden to stand apart, Thou wilt not rebuke, but wilt suffer +it to come to Thee and be blessed with Thine almighty blessing'? +Why is this little darling to be rebuked? I do not think I +remember the exact words, but he said something like that." + +"My dear! your gown is dripping wet! it must have dipped into the +tub; let me wring it out." + +"Oh, thank you! Never mind my gown!" said Jemima hastily, and +wanting to return to her question; but just then she caught the +sight of tears falling fast down the cheeks of the silent Ruth as +she bent over her child, crowing and splashing away in his tub. +With a sudden consciousness that unwittingly she had touched on +some painful chord, Jemima rushed into another subject, and was +eagerly seconded by Miss Benson. The circumstance seemed to die +away, and leave no trace; but in after years it rose, vivid and +significant, before Jemima's memory. At present it was enough for +her, if Mrs. Denbigh would let her serve her in every possible +way. Her admiration for beauty was keen, and little indulged at +home; and Ruth was very beautiful in her quiet mournfulness; her +mean and homely dress left herself only the more open to +admiration, for she gave it a charm by her unconscious wearing of +it that made it seem like the drapery of an old Greek +statue--subordinate to the figure it covered, yet imbued by it +with an unspeakable grace. Then the pretended circumstances of +her life were such as to catch the imagination of a young +romantic girl. Altogether, Jemima could have kissed her hand and +professed herself Ruth's slave. She moved away all the articles +used at this little coucher; she folded up Leonard's day-clothes; +she felt only too much honoured when Ruth trusted him to her for +a few minutes--only too amply rewarded when Ruth thanked her with +a grave, sweet smile, and a grateful look of her loving eyes. + +When Jemima had gone away with the servant who was sent to fetch +her, there was a little chorus of praise. + +"She's a warm-hearted girl," said Miss Benson. "She remembers all +the old days before she went to school. She is worth two of Mr. +Richard. They're each of them just the same as they were when +they were children, when they broke that window in the chapel, +and he ran away home, and she came knocking at our door with a +single knock, just like a beggar's, and I went to see who it was, +and was quite startled to see her round, brown honest face +looking up at me, hall-frightened, and telling me what she had +done, and offering me the money in her savings bank to pay for +it. We never should have heard of Master Richard's share in the +business if it had not been for Sally." + +"But remember," said Mr. Benson, "how strict Mr. Bradshaw has +always been with his children. It is no wonder if poor Richard +was a coward in those days." + +"He is now, or I'm much mistaken," answered Miss Benson. "And Mr. +Bradshaw was just as strict with Jemima, and. she's no coward. +But I've no faith in Richard. He has a look about him that I +don't like. And when Mr. Bradshaw was away on business in Holland +last year, for those months my young gentleman did not come hall +as regularly to chapel, and I always believe that story of his +being seen out with the hounds at Smithiles." + +"Those are neither of them great offences in a young man of +twenty," said Mr. Benson, smiling. + +"No! I don't mind them in themselves; but when he could change +back so easily to being regular and mim when his father came +home, I don't like that." + +"Leonard shall never be afraid of me," said Ruth, following her +own train of thought. "I will be his friend from the very first; +and I will try and learn how to be a wise friend, and you will +teach me; won't you, sir?" + +"What made you wish to call him Leonard, Ruth?" asked Miss +Benson. + +"It was my mother's father's name; and she used to tell me about +him and his goodness, and I thought if Leonard could be like +him----" + +"Do you remember the discussion there was about Miss Bradshaw's +name, Thurstan? Her father wanting her to be called Hephzibah, +but insisting that she was to have a Scripture name at any rate; +and Mrs. Bradshaw wanting her to be Juliana, after some novel she +had read not long before; and at last Jemima was fixed upon, +because it would do either for a Scripture name or a name for a +heroine out of a book." + +"I did not know Jemima was a Scripture name," said Ruth. + +"Oh yes, it is. One of Job's daughters; Jemima, Kezia, and +Keren-Happuch. There are a good many Jemimas in the world, and +some Kezias, but I never heard of a Keren-Happuch; and yet we +know just as much of one as of another. People really like a +pretty name, whether in Scripture or out of it." + +"When there is no particular association with the name," said Mr. +Benson. + +"Now, I was called Faith after the cardinal virtue; and I like my +name, though many people would think it too Puritan; that was +according to our gentle mother's pious desire. And Thurstan was +called by his name because my father wished it; for, although he +was what people called a radical and a democrat in his ways of +talking and thinking, he was very proud in his heart of being +descended from some old Sir Thurstan, who figured away in the +French wars." + +"The difference between theory and practice, thinking and being," +put in Mr. Benson, who was in a mood for allowing himself a +little social enjoyment. He leaned back in his chair, with his +eyes looking at, but not seeing, the ceiling. Miss Benson was +clicking away with her eternal knitting-needles, looking at her +brother, and seeing him too. Ruth was arranging her child's +clothes against the morrow. It was but their usual way of +spending an evening; the variety was given by the different tone +which the conversation assumed on the different nights. Yet, +somehow, the peacefulness of the time, the window open into the +little garden, the scents that came stealing in, and the clear +summer heaven above, made the time be remembered as a happy +festival by Ruth. Even Sally seemed more placid than usual when +she came in to prayers; and she and Miss Benson followed Ruth to +her bedroom, to look at the beautiful sleeping Leonard. + +"God bless him!" said Miss Benson, stooping down to kiss his +little dimpled hand, which lay outside the coverlet, tossed +abroad in the heat of the evening. + +"Now, don't get up too early, Ruth! Injuring your health will be +short-sighted wisdom and poor economy. Good night!" + +"Good night, dear Miss Benson. Good night, Sally." When Ruth had +shut her door, she went again to the bed, and looked at her boy +till her eyes filled with tears. + +"God bless thee, darling! I only ask to be one of His +instruments, and not thrown aside as useless--or worse than +useless." + +So ended the day of Leonard's christening. + +Mr. Benson had sometimes taught the children of different people +as an especial favour, when requested by them. But then his +pupils were only children, and by their progress he was little +prepared for Ruth's. She had had early teaching, of that kind +which need never be unlearnt, from her mother; enough to unfold +many of her powers; they had remained inactive now for several +years, but had grown strong in the dark and quiet time. Her tutor +was surprised at the bounds by which she surmounted obstacles, +the quick perception and ready adaptation of truths and first +principles, and her immediate sense of the fitness of things. Her +delight in what was strong and beautiful called out her master's +sympathy; but, most of all, he admired the complete +unconsciousness of uncommon power, or unusual progress. It was +less of a wonder than he considered it to be, it is true, for she +never thought of comparing what she was now with her former self, +much less with another. Indeed, she did not think of herself at +all, but of her boy, and what she must learn in order to teach +him to be and to do as suited her hope and her prayer. If any +one's devotion could have flattered her into self-consciousness, +it was Jemima's. Mr. Bradshaw never dreamed that his daughter +could feel herself inferior to the minister's protegee, but so it +was; and no knight-errant of old could consider himself more +honoured by his ladye's commands than did Jemima, if Ruth allowed +her to do anything for her, or for her boy. Ruth loved her +heartily, even while she was rather annoyed at the open +expression Jemima used of admiration. + +"Please, I really would rather not be told if people do think me +pretty." + +"But it was not merely beautiful; it was sweet-looking and good, +Mrs. Postlethwaite called you," replied Jemima. + +"All the more I would rather not hear it. I may be pretty, but I +know I am not good. Besides, I don't think we ought to hear what +is said of us behind our backs." + +Ruth spoke so gravely, that Jemima feared lest she was +displeased. + +"Dear Mrs. Denbigh, I never will admire or praise you again. Only +let me love you." + +"And let me love you!" said Ruth, with a tender kiss. + +Jemima would not have been allowed to come so frequently if Mr. +Bradshaw had not been possessed with the idea of patronising +Ruth. If the latter had chosen, she might have gone dressed from +head to foot in the presents which he wished to make her, but she +refused them constantly; occasionally to Miss Benson's great +annoyance. But if he could not load her with gifts, he could show +his approbation by asking her to his house; and after some +deliberation, she consented to accompany Mr. and Miss Benson +there. The house was square and massy-looking, with a great deal +of drab-colour about the furniture. Mrs. Bradshaw, in her +lackadaisical, sweet-tempered way, seconded her husband in his +desire of being kind to Ruth; and as she cherished privately a +great taste for what was beautiful or interesting, as opposed to +her husband's love of the purely useful, this taste of hers had +rarely had so healthy and true a mode of gratification as when +she watched Ruth's movements about the room, which seemed in its +unobtrusiveness and poverty of colour to receive the requisite +ornament of light and splendour from Ruth's presence. Mrs. +Bradshaw sighed, and wished she had a daughter as lovely, about +whom to weave a romance; for castle-building, after the manner of +the Minerva Press, was the outlet by which she escaped from the +pressure of her prosaic life, as Mr. Bradshaw's wife. Her +perception was only of external beauty, and she was not always +alive to that, or she might have seen how a warm, affectionate, +ardent nature, free from all envy or carking care of self, gave +an unspeakable charm to her plain, bright-faced daughter Jemima, +whose dark eyes kept challenging admiration for her friend. The +first evening spent at Mr. Bradshaw's passed like many succeeding +visits there. There was tea, the equipage for which was as +handsome and as ugly as money could purchase. Then the ladies +produced their sewing, while Mr. Bradshaw stood before the fire, +and gave the assembled party the benefit of his opinions on many +subjects. The opinions were as good and excellent as the opinions +of any man can be who sees one side of a case very strongly, and +almost ignores the other. They coincided in many points with +those held by Mr. Benson, but he once or twice interposed with a +plea for those who might differ; and then he was heard by Mr. +Bradshaw with a kind of evident and indulgent pity, such as one +feels for a child who unwittingly talks nonsense. By-and-by Mrs. +Bradshaw and Miss Benson fell into one tete-a-tete, and Ruth and +Jemima into another. Two well-behaved but unnaturally quiet +children were sent to bed early in the evening, in an +authoritative voice, by their father, because one of them had +spoken too loud while he was enlarging on an alteration in the +tariff. Just before the supper-tray was brought in, a gentleman +was announced whom Ruth had never previously seen, but who +appeared well known to the rest of the party. It was Mr. +Farquhar, Mr. Bradshaw's partner; he had been on the Continent +for the last year, and had only recently returned. He seemed +perfectly at home, but spoke little. He leaned back in his chair, +screwed up his eyes, and watched everybody; yet there was nothing +unpleasant or impertinent in his keenness of observation. Ruth +wondered to hear him contradict Mr. Bradshaw, and almost expected +some rebuff; but Mr. Bradshaw, if he did not yield the point, +admitted, for the first time that evening, that it was possible +something might be said on the other side. Mr. Farquhar differed +also from Mr. Benson, but it was in a more respectful manner than +Mr. Bradshaw had done. For these reasons, although Mr. Farquhar +had never spoken to Ruth, she came away with the impression that +he was a man to be respected and perhaps liked. + +Sally would have thought herself mightily aggrieved if, on their +return, she had not heard some account of the evening. As soon as +Miss Benson came in, the old servant began-- + +"Well, and who was there? and what did they give you for supper?" + +"Only Mr. Farquhar besides ourselves: and sandwiches, +sponge-cake, and wine there was no occasion for anything more," +replied Miss Benson, who was tired and preparing to go upstairs. + +"Mr. Farquhar! Why, they do say he's thinking of Miss Jemima!" + +"Nonsense, Sally! why, he's old enough to be her father!" said +Miss Benson, halfway up the first flight. + +"There's no need for it to be called nonsense, though he may be +ten year older," muttered Sally, retreating towards the kitchen. +"Bradshaw's Betsy knows what she's about, and wouldn't have said +it for nothing." + +Ruth wondered a little about it. She loved Jemima well enough to +be interested in what related to her; but, after thinking for a +few minutes, she decided that such a marriage was, and would ever +be, very unlikely. + + +CHAPTER XVIII + + +RUTH BECOMES A GOVERNESS IN MR. BRADSHAW'S FAMILY + +One afternoon, not long after this, Mr. and Miss Benson set off +to call upon a farmer, who attended the chapel, but lived at some +distance from the town. They intended to stay to tea if they were +invited, and Ruth and Sally were left to spend a long afternoon +together. At first, Sally was busy in her kitchen, and Ruth +employed herself in carrying her baby out into the garden. It was +now nearly a year since she came to the Bensons'; it seemed like +yesterday, and yet as if a lifetime had gone between. The flowers +were budding now, that were all in bloom when she came down, on +the first autumnal morning, into the sunny parlour. The yellow +jessamine that was then a tender plant, had now taken firm root +in the soil, and was sending out strong shoots; the wall-flowers, +which Miss Benson had sown on the wall a day or two after her +arrival, were scenting the air with their fragrant flowers. Ruth +knew every plant now; it seemed as though she had always lived +here, and always known the inhabitants of the house. She heard +Sally singing her accustomed song in the kitchen, a song she +never varied, over her afternoon's work. It began-- + +"As I was going to Derby, sir, Upon a market-day." + +And, if music is a necessary element in a song, perhaps I had +better call it by some other name. + +But the strange change was in Ruth herself. She was conscious of +it, though she could not define it, and did not dwell upon it. +Life had become significant and full of duty to her. She +delighted in the exercise of her intellectual powers, and liked +the idea of the infinite amount of which she was ignorant; for it +was a grand pleasure to learn,--to crave, and be satisfied. She +strove to forget what had gone before this last twelve months. +She shuddered up from contemplating it; it was like a bad, unholy +dream. And yet, there was a strange yearning kind of love for the +father of the child whom she pressed to her heart, which came, +and she could not bid it begone as sinful, it was so pure and +natural, even when thinking of it as in the sight of God. Little +Leonard cooed to the flowers, and stretched after their bright +colours; and Ruth laid him on the dry turf, and pelted him with +the gay petals. He chinked and crowed with laughing delight, and +clutched at her cap, and pulled it off. Her short rich curls were +golden-brown in the slanting sun-light, and by their very +shortness made her more childlike. She hardly seemed as if she +could be the mother of the noble babe over whom she knelt, now +snatching kisses, now matching his cheek with rose-leaves. All at +once, the bells of the old church struck the hour, and far away, +high up in the air, began slowly to play the old tune of "Life, +let us cherish;" they had played it for years--for the life of +man--and it always sounded fresh, and strange, and aerial. Ruth +was still in a moment, she knew not why; and the tears came into +her eyes as she listened. When it was ended, she kissed her baby, +and bade God bless him. + +Just then Sally came out, dressed for the evening, with a +leisurely look about her. She had done her work, and she and Ruth +were to drink tea together in the exquisitely clean kitchen; but +while the kettle was boiling, she came out to enjoy the flowers. +She gathered a piece of southern-wood, and stuffed it up her +nose, by way of smelling it. + +"Whatten you call this in your country?" asked she. + +"Old-man," replied Ruth. + +"We call it here lad's-love. It and peppermint drops always +reminds me of going to church in the country. Here! I'll get you +a black-currant leaf to put in the teapot. It gives it a flavour. +We had bees once against this wall; but when missus died, we +forgot to tell 'em and put 'em in mourning, and, in course, they +swarmed away without our knowing, and the next winter came a hard +frost, and they died. Now, I dare say, the water will be boiling; +and it's time for little master there to come in, for the dew is +falling. See, all the daisies is shutting themselves up." + +Sally was most gracious as a hostess. She quite put on her +company manners to receive Ruth in the kitchen. They laid Leonard +to sleep on the sofa in the parlour, that they might hear him the +more easily, and then they sat quietly down to their sewing by +the bright kitchen fire. Sally was, as usual, the talker; and, as +usual, the subject was the family of whom for so many years she +had formed a part. + +"Ay! things was different when I was a girl," quoth she. "Eggs +was thirty for a shilling, and butter only sixpence a pound. My +wage when I came here was but three pound, and I did on it, and +was always clean and tidy, which is more than many a lass can say +now who gets seven and eight pound a year; and tea was kept for +an afternoon drink, and pudding was eaten afore meat in them +days, and the upshot was, people paid their debts better; ay, ay! +we'n gone backwards, and we thinken we'n gone forrards." + +After shaking her head a little over the degeneracy of the times, +Sally returned to a part of the subject on which she thought she +had given Ruth a wrong idea. "You'll not go for to think now that +I've not more than three pound a year. I've a deal above that +now. First of all, old missus gave me four pound, for she said I +were worth it, and I thought in my heart that I were; so I took +it without more ado; but after her death, Master Thurstan and +Miss Faith took a fit of spending, and says they to me, one day +as I carried tea in, 'Sally, we think your wages ought to be +raised.' 'What matter what you think!' said I, pretty sharp, for +I thought they'd ha' shown more respect to missus, if they'd let +things stand as they were in her time; and they'd gone and moved +the sofa away from the wall to where it stands now, already that +very day. So I speaks up sharp, and says I, 'As long as I'm +content, I think it's no business of yours to be meddling wi' me +and my money matters.' 'But,' says Miss Faith (she's always the +one to speak first if you'll notice, though it's master that +comes in and clinches the matter with some reason she'd never ha' +thought of--he were always a sensible lad), 'Sally, all the +servants in the town have six pound and better, and you have as +hard a place as any of 'em.' 'Did you ever hear me grumble about +my work that you talk about it in that way? wait till I grumble,' +says I, 'but don't meddle wi' me till then.' So I flung off in a +huff; but in the course of the evening, Master Thurstan came in +and sat down in the kitchen, and he's such winning ways he wiles +one over to anything; and besides, a notion had come into my +head--now you'll not tell," said she, glancing round the room, +and hitching her chair nearer to Ruth in a confidential manner; +Ruth promised, and Sally went on-- + +"I thought I should like to be an heiress wi' money, and leave it +all to Master and Miss Faith; and I thought if I'd six pound a +year, I could, may be, get to be an heiress; all I was feared on +was that some chap or other might marry me for my money, but I've +managed to keep the fellows off; so I looks mim and grateful, and +I thanks Master Thurstan for his offer, and I takes the wages; +and what do you think I've done?" asked Sally, with an exultant +air. + +"What have you done?" asked Ruth. + +"Why," replied Sally, slowly and emphatically, "I've saved thirty +pound! but that's not it. I've getten a lawyer to make me a will; +that's it, wench!" said she, slapping Ruth on the back. + +"How did you manage it?" asked Ruth. + +"Ay, that was it," said Sally; "I thowt about it many a night +before I hit on the right way. I was afeared the money might be +thrown into Chancery if I didn't make it all safe, and yet I +could na' ask Master Thurstan. At last, and at length, John +Jackson, the grocer, had a nephew come to stay a week with him, +as was 'prentice to a lawyer in Liverpool; so now was my time, +and here was my lawyer. Wait a minute! I could tell you my story +better if I had my will in my hand; and I'll scomfish you if ever +you go for to tell." She held up her hand, and threatened Ruth as +she left the kitchen to fetch the will. + +When she came back, she brought a parcel tied up, in a blue +pocket-handkerchief; she sat down, squared her knees, untied the +handkerchief, and displayed a small piece of parchment. + +"Now, do you know what this is?" said she, holding it up. "It's +parchment, and it's the right stuff to make wills on. People gets +into Chancery if they don't make them o' this stuff, and I reckon +Tom Jackson thowt he'd have a fresh job on it if he could get it +into Chancery; for the rascal went and wrote it on a piece of +paper at first, and came and read it me out aloud off a piece of +paper no better than what one writes letters upon. I were up to +him; and, thinks I, Come, come, my lad, I'm not a fool, though +you may think so; I know a paper will won't stand, but I'll let +you run your rig. So I sits and I listens. And would you believe +me, he read it out as if it were as clear a business as your +giving me that thimble--no more ado, though it were thirty pound +I could understand it mysel'--that were no law for me. I wanted +summat to consider about, and for th' meaning to be wrapped up as +I wrap up my best gown. So, says I, 'Tom! it's not on parchment. +I mun have it on parchment.' 'This 'll do as well,' says he. +'We'll get it witnessed, and it will stand good.' Well! I liked +the notion of having it witnessed, and for a while that soothed +me; but after a bit, I felt I should like it done according to +law, and not plain out as anybody might ha' done it; I mysel', if +I could have written. So says I, 'Tom! I mun have it on +parchment.' 'Parchment costs money,' says he, very grave. 'Oh, +oh, my lad! are ye there?' thinks I. 'That's the reason I'm +clipped of law. So says I, 'Tom! I mun have it on parchment. I'll +pay the money and welcome. It's thirty pound, and what I can lay +to it. I'll make it safe. It shall be on parchment, and I'll tell +thee what, lad! I'll gie ye sixpence for every good law-word you +put in it, sounding like, and not to be caught up as a person +runs. Your master had need to be ashamed of you as a 'prentice, +if you can't do a thing more tradesman-like than this!' Well! he +laughed above a bit, but I were firm, and stood to it. So he made +it out on parchment. Now, woman, try and read it!" said she, +giving it to Ruth. + +Ruth smiled, and began to read; Sally listening with rapt +attention. When Ruth came to the word "testatrix," Sally stopped +her. + +"That was the first sixpence," said she. "I thowt he was going to +fob me off again wi' plain language; but when that word came, I +out wi' my sixpence, and gave it to him on the spot. Now, go on." + +Presently Ruth read "accruing." + +"That was the second sixpence. Four sixpences it were in all, +besides six-and-eightpence as we bargained at first, and +three-and-fourpence parchment. There! that's what I call a will; +witnessed, according to law, and all. Master Thurstan will be +prettily taken in when I die, and he finds all his extra wage +left back to him. But it will teach him it's not so easy as he +thinks for, to make a woman give up her way." + +The time was now drawing near when little Leonard might be +weaned--the time appointed by all three for Ruth to endeavour to +support herself in some way more or less independent of Mr. and +Miss Benson. This prospect dwelt much in all of their minds, and +was in each shaded with some degree of perplexity; but they none +of them spoke of it, for fear of accelerating the event. If they +had felt clear and determined as to the best course to be +pursued, they were none of them deficient in courage to commence +upon that course at once. Miss Benson would, perhaps, have +objected the most to any alteration in their present daily mode +of life; but that was because she had the habit of speaking out +her thoughts as they arose, and she particularly disliked and +dreaded change. Besides this, she had felt her heart open out, +and warm towards the little helpless child, in a strong and +powerful manner. Nature had intended her warm instincts to find +vent in a mother's duties; her heart had yearned after children, +and made her restless in her childless state, without her well +knowing why; but now, the delight she experienced in tending, +nursing, and contriving for the little boy,--even contriving to +the point of sacrificing many of her cherished whims,--made her +happy, and satisfied, and peaceful. It was more difficult to +sacrifice her whims than her comforts; but all had been given up +when and where required by the sweet lordly baby, who reigned +paramount in his very helplessness. + +From some cause or other, an exchange of ministers for one Sunday +was to be effected with a neighbouring congregation, and Mr. +Benson went on a short absence from home. When he returned on +Monday, he was met at the house-door by his sister, who had +evidently been looking out for him for some time. She stepped out +to greet him. + +"Don't hurry yourself, Thurstan! all's well; only I wanted to +tell you something. Don't fidget yourself--baby is quite well, +bless him! It's only good news. Come into your room, and let me +talk a little quietly with you." She drew him into his study, +which was near the outer door, and then she took off his coat, +and put his carpet-bag in a corner, and wheeled a chair to the +fire, before she would begin. + +"Well, now! to think how often things fall out just as we want +them, Thurstan! Have not you often wondered what was to be done +with Ruth when the time came at which we promised her she should +earn her living? I am sure you have, because I have so often +thought about it myself. And yet I never dared to speak out my +fear because that seemed giving it a shape. And now Mr. Bradshaw +has put all to rights. He invited Mr. Jackson to dinner +yesterday, just as we were going into chapel; and then he turned +to me and asked me if I would come to tea--straight from +afternoon chapel, because Mrs. Bradshaw wanted to speak to me. He +made it very clear I was not to bring Ruth; and, indeed, she was +only too happy to stay at home with baby. And so I went; and Mrs. +Bradshaw took me into her bedroom, and shut the doors, and said +Mr. Bradshaw had told her, that he did not like Jemima being so +much confined with the younger ones while they were at their +lessons, and that he wanted some one above a nurse-maid to sit +with them while their masters were there--some one who would see +about their learning their lessons, and who would walk out with +them; a sort of nursery governess, I think she meant, though she +did not say so; and Mr. Bradshaw (for, of course, I saw his +thoughts and words constantly peeping out, though he had told her +to speak to me) believed that our Ruth would be the very person. +Now, Thurstan, don't look so surprised, as if she had never come +into your head! I am sure I saw what Mrs. Bradshaw was driving +at, long before she came to the point; and I could scarcely keep +from smiling, and saying, 'We'd jump at the proposal'--long +before I ought to have known anything about it." + +"Oh, I wonder what we ought to do!" said Mr. Benson. "Or, rather, +I believe I see what we ought to do, if I durst but do it." + +"Why, what ought we to do?" asked his sister, in surprise. + +"I ought to go and tell Mr. Bradshaw the whole story----" + +"And get Ruth turned out of our house," said Miss Benson +indignantly. + +"They can't make us do that," said her brother. "I do not think +they would try." + +"Yes, Mr. Bradshaw would try; and he would blazon out poor Ruth's +sin, and there would not be a chance for her left. I know him +well, Thurstan; and why should he be told now, more than a year +ago?" + +"A year ago he did not want to put her in a situation of trust +about his children." + +"And you think she'll abuse that trust, do you? You've lived a +twelvemonth in the house with Ruth, and the end of it is, you +think she will do his children harm! Besides, who encouraged +Jemima to come to the house so much to see Ruth? Did you not say +it would do them both good to see something of each other?" Mr. +Benson sat thinking. + +"If you had not known Ruth as well as you do--if, during her stay +with us, you had marked anything wrong, or forward, or deceitful, +or immodest, I would say at once, Don't allow Mr. Bradshaw to +take her into his house; but still I would say, Don't tell of her +sin and sorrow to so severe a man--so unpitiful a judge. But here +I ask you, Thurstan, can you or I, or Sally (quick-eyed as she +is), say, that in any one thing we have had true, just occasion +to find fault with Ruth? I don't mean that she is perfect--she +acts without thinking, her temper is sometimes warm and hasty; +but have we any right to go and injure her prospects for life, by +telling Mr. Bradshaw all we know of her errors--only sixteen when +she did so wrong, and never to escape from it all her many years +to come--to have the despair which would arise from its being +known, clutching her back into worse sin? What harm do you think +she can do? What is the risk to which you think you are exposing +Mr. Bradshaw's children?" She paused, out of breath, her eyes +glittering with tears of indignation, and impatient for an answer +that she might knock it to pieces. + +"I do not see any danger that can arise," said he at length, and +with slow difficulty, as if not fully convinced. "I have watched +Ruth, and I believe she is pure and truthful; and the very sorrow +and penitence she has felt--the very suffering she has gone +through--has given her a thoughtful conscientiousness beyond her +age." + +"That and the care of her baby," said Miss Benson, secretly +delighted at the tone of her brother's thoughts. + +"Ah, Faith! that baby you so much dreaded once, is turning out a +blessing, you see," said Thurstan, with a faint, quiet smile. + +"Yes! any one might be thankful, and better too, for Leonard; but +how could I tell that it would be like him?" + +"But to return to Ruth and Mr. Bradshaw. What did you say?" + +"Oh! with my feelings, of course, I was only too glad to accept +the proposal, and so I told Mrs. Bradshaw, then; and I afterwards +repeated it to Mr. Bradshaw, when he asked me if his wife had +mentioned their plans. They would understand that I must consult +you and Ruth, before it could be considered as finally settled." + +"And have you named it to her?" + +"Yes," answered Miss Benson, half afraid lest he should think she +had been too precipitate. + +"And what did she say?" asked he, after a little pause of grave +silence. + +"At first she seemed very glad, and fell into my mood of planning +how it should all be managed; how Sally and I should take care of +the baby the hours that she was away at Mr. Bradshaw's; but +by-and-by she became silent and thoughtful, and knelt down by me +and hid her face in my lap, and shook a little as if she was +crying; and then I heard her speak in a very low smothered voice, +for her head was still bent down--quite hanging down, indeed, so +that I could not see her face, so I stooped to listen, and I +heard her say, 'Do you think I should be good enough to teach +little girls, Miss Benson?' She said it so humbly and fearfully +that all I thought of was how to cheer her, and I answered and +asked her if she did not hope to be good enough to bring up her +own darling to be a brave Christian man? And she lifted up her +head, and I saw her eyes looking wild and wet and earnest, and +she said, 'With God's help, that will I try to make my child.' +And I said then, 'Ruth, as you strive and as you pray for your +own child, so you must strive and pray to make Mary and Elizabeth +good, if you are trusted with them.' And she said out quite +clear, though her face was hidden from me once more, 'I will +strive and I will pray.' You would not have had any fears, +Thurstan, if you could have heard and seen her last night." + +"I have no fear," said he decidedly. "Let the plan go on." After +a minute, he added, "But I am glad it was so far arranged before +I heard of it. My indecision about right and wrong--my perplexity +as to how far we are to calculate consequences--grows upon me, I +fear." + +"You look tired and weary, dear. You should blame your body +rather than your conscience at these times." + +"A very dangerous doctrine." + +The scroll of Fate was closed, and they could not foresee the +Future; and yet, if they could have seen it, though they might +have shrunk fearfully at first, they would have smiled and +thanked God when all was done and said. + + +CHAPTER XIX + + +AFTER FIVE YEARS + +The quiet days grew into weeks and months, and even years, +without any event to startle the little circle into the +consciousness of the lapse of time. One who had known them at the +date of Ruth's becoming a governess in Mr. Bradshaw's family, and +had been absent until the time of which I am now going to tell +you, would have noted some changes which had imperceptibly come +over all; but he, too, would have thought, that the life which +had brought so little of turmoil and vicissitude must have been +calm and tranquil, and in accordance with the bygone activity of +the town in which their existence passed away. + +The alterations that he would have perceived were those caused by +the natural progress of time. The Benson home was brightened into +vividness by the presence of the little Leonard, now a noble boy +of six, large and grand in limb and stature, and with a face of +marked beauty and intelligence. Indeed, he might have been +considered by many as too intelligent for his years; and often +the living with old and thoughtful people gave him, beyond most +children, the appearance of pondering over the mysteries which +meet the young on the threshold of life, but which fade away as +advancing years bring us more into contact with the practical and +tangible--fade away and vanish, until it seems to require the +agitation of some great storm of the soul before we can again +realise spiritual things. + +But, at times, Leonard seemed oppressed and bewildered, after +listening intent, with grave and wondering eyes, to the +conversation around him; at others, the bright animal life shone +forth radiant, and no three months' kitten--no foal, suddenly +tossing up its heels by the side of its sedate dam, and careering +around the pasture in pure mad enjoyment--no young creature of +any kind, could show more merriment and gladness of heart. + +"For ever in mischief," was Sally's account of him at such times; +but it was not intentional mischief; and Sally herself would have +been the first to scold any one else who had used the same words +in reference to her darling. Indeed, she was once nearly giving +warning, because she thought the boy was being ill-used. The +occasion was this: Leonard had for some time shown a strange, odd +disregard of truth; he invented stories, and told them with so +grave a face, that unless there was some internal evidence of +their incorrectness (such as describing a cow with a bonnet on) +he was generally believed, and his statements, which were given +with the full appearance of relating a real occurrence, had once +or twice led to awkward results. All the three, whose hearts were +pained by this apparent unconsciousness of the difference between +truth and falsehood, were unaccustomed to children, or they would +have recognised this as a stage through which most infants, who +would have lively imaginations, pass; and, accordingly, there was +a consultation in Mr. Benson's study one morning. Ruth was there, +quiet, very pale, and with compressed lips, sick at heart as she +heard Miss Benson's arguments for the necessity of whipping, in +order to cure Leonard of his story-telling. Mr. Benson looked +unhappy and uncomfortable. Education was but a series of +experiments to them all, and they all had a secret dread of +spoiling the noble boy, who was the darling of their hearts. And, +perhaps, this very intensity of love begot an impatient, +unnecessary anxiety, and made them resolve on sterner measures +than the parent of a large family (where love was more spread +abroad) would have dared to use. At any rate, the vote for +whipping carried the day; and even Ruth, trembling and cold, +agreed that it must be done; only she asked, in a meek, sad +voice, if she need be present (Mr. Benson was to be the +executioner--the scene, the study), and, being instantly told +that she had better not, she went slowly and languidly up to her +room, and kneeling down, she closed her ears, and prayed. + +Miss Benson, having carried her point, was very sorry for the +child, and would have begged him off; but Mr. Benson had listened +more to her arguments than now to her pleadings, and, only +answered, "If it is right, it shall be done!" He went into the +garden, and deliberately, almost as if he wished to gain time, +chose and cut off a little switch from the laburnum-tree. Then he +returned through the kitchen, and gravely taking the awed and +wondering little fellow by the hand, he led him silently into the +study, and placing him before him, began an admonition on the +importance of truthfulness, meaning to conclude with what he +believed to be the moral of all punishment: "As you cannot +remember this of yourself, I must give you a little pain to make +you remember it. I am sorry it is necessary, and that you cannot +recollect without my doing so." + +But before he had reached this very proper and desirable +conclusion, and while he was yet working his way, his heart +aching with the terrified look of the child at the solemnly sad +face and words of upbraiding, Sally burst in-- + +"And what may ye be going to do with that fine switch I saw ye +gathering, Master Thurstan?" asked she, her eyes gleaming with +anger at the answer she knew must come, if answer she had at all. + +"Go away, Sally," said Mr. Benson, annoyed at the fresh +difficulty in his path. + +"I'll not stir never a step till you give me that switch, as +you've got for some mischief, I'll be bound." + +"Sally! remember where it is said, 'He that spareth the rod, +spoileth the child,'" said Mr. Benson austerely. + +"Ay, I remember; and I remember a bit more than you want me to +remember, I reckon. It were King Solomon as spoke them words, and +it were King Solomon's son that were King Rehoboam, and no great +shakes either. I can remember what is said on him, 2 Chronicles, +xii. chapter, 14th v.: 'And he'--that's King Rehoboam, the lad +that tasted the rod--'did evil, because he prepared not his heart +to seek the Lord.' I've not been reading my chapters every night +for fifty year to be caught napping by a Dissenter, neither!" +said she triumphantly. "Come along, Leonard." She stretched out +her hand to the child, thinking that she had conquered. + +But Leonard did not stir. He looked wistfully at Mr. Benson. +"Come!" said she impatiently. The boy's mouth quivered. + +"If you want to whip me, uncle, you may do it. I don't much +mind." + +Put in this form, it was impossible to carry out his intentions; +and so Mr. Benson told the lad he might go--that he would speak +to him another time. Leonard went away, more subdued in spirit +than if he had been whipped. Sally lingered a moment. She stopped +to add: "I think it's for them without sin to throw stones at a +poor child, and cut up good laburnum-branches to whip him. I only +do as my betters do, when I call Leonard's mother Mrs. Denbigh." +The moment she had said this she was sorry; it was an ungenerous +advantage after the enemy had acknowledged himself defeated. Mr. +Benson dropped his head upon his hands and bid his face, and +sighed deeply. + +Leonard flew in search of his mother, as in search of a refuge. +If he had found her calm, he would have burst into a passion of +crying after his agitation; as it was, he came upon her kneeling +and sobbing, and he stood quite still. Then he threw his arms +round her neck, and said, "Mamma! mamma! I will be good--I make a +promise; I will speak true--I make a promise." And he kept his +word. + +Miss Benson piqued herself upon being less carried away by her +love for this child than any one else in the house; she talked +severely, and had capital theories; but her severity ended in +talk, and her theories would not work. + +However, she read several books on education, knitting socks for +Leonard all the while; and, upon the whole, I think, the hands +were more usefully employed than the head, and the good honest +heart better than either. She looked older than when we first +knew her, but it was a ripe, kindly age that was coming over her. +Her excellent practical sense, perhaps, made her a more masculine +character than her brother. He was often so much perplexed by the +problems of life, that he let the time for action go by; but she +kept him in check by her clear, pithy talk, which brought back +his wandering thoughts to the duty that lay straight before him, +waiting for action; and then he remembered that it was the +faithful part to "wait patiently upon God," and leave the ends in +His hands, who alone knows why Evil exists in this world, and why +it ever hovers on either side of Good. In this respect, Miss +Benson had more faith than her brother--or so it seemed; for +quick, resolute action in the next step of Life was all she +required, while he deliberated and trembled, and often did wrong +from his very deliberation, when his first instinct would have +led him right. + +But, although decided and prompt as ever, Miss Benson was grown +older since the summer afternoon when she dismounted from the +coach at the foot of the long Welsh hill that led to Llan-dhu, +where her brother awaited her to consult her about Ruth. Though +her eye was as bright and straight-looking as ever, quick and +brave in its glances, her hair had become almost snowy white; and +it was on this point she consulted Sally, soon after the date of +Leonard's last untruth. The two were arranging Miss Benson's room +one morning, when, after dusting the looking-glass, she suddenly +stopped in her operation, and after a close inspection of +herself, startled Sally by this speech-- + +"Sally! I'm looking a great deal older than I used to do!" + +Sally, who was busy dilating on the increased price of flour, +considered this remark of Miss Benson's as strangely irrelevant +to the matter in hand, and only noticed it by a-- + +"To be sure! I suppose we all on us do. But two-and-fourpence a +dozen is too much to make us pay for it." + +Miss Benson went on with her inspection of herself, and Sally +with her economical projects. + +"Sally!" said Miss Benson, "my hair is nearly white. The last +time I looked it was only pepper-and-salt. What must I do?" + +"Do--why, what would the wench do?" asked Sally contemptuously. +"Ye're never going to be taken in, at your time of life, by +hair-dyes and such gimcracks, as can only take in young girls +whose wisdom-teeth are not cut." + +"And who are not very likely to want them," said Miss Benson +quietly. "No! but you see, Sally, it's very awkward having such +grey hair, and feeling so young. Do you know, Sally, I've as +great a mind for dancing, when I hear a lively tune on the +street-organs, as ever; and as great a mind to sing when I'm +happy--to sing in my old way, Sally, you know." + +"Ay, you had it from a girl," said Sally; "and many a time, when +the door's been shut, I did not know if it was you in the +parlour, or a big bumble-bee in the kitchen, as was making that +drumbling noise. I heard you at it yesterday." + +"But an old woman with grey hair ought not to have a fancy for +dancing or singing," continued Miss Benson. + +"Whatten nonsense are ye talking?" said Sally, roused to +indignation. "Calling yoursel' an old woman when you're better +than ten years younger than me; and many a girl has grey hair at +five-and-twenty." + +"But I'm more than five-and-twenty, Sally--I'm fifty-seven next +May!" + +"More shame for ye, then, not to know better than to talk of +dyeing your hair. I cannot abide such vanities!" + +"Oh dear! Sally, when will you understand what I mean? I want to +know how I'm to keep remembering how old I am, so as to prevent +myself from feeling so young? I was quite startled just now to +see my hair in the glass, for I can generally tell if my cap is +straight by feeling. I'll tell you what I'll do--I'll cut off a +piece of my grey hair, and plait it together for a marker in my +Bible!" Miss Benson expected applause for this bright idea, but +Sally only made answer-- + +"You'll be taking to painting your cheeks next, now you've once +thought of dyeing your hair." So Miss Benson plaited her grey +hair in silence and quietness, Leonard holding one end of it +while she wove it, and admiring the colour and texture all the +time, with a sort of implied dissatisfaction at the auburn colour +of his own curls, which was only half-comforted away by Miss +Benson's information, that, if he lived long enough, his hair +would be like hers. + +Mr. Benson, who had looked old and frail while he was yet but +young, was now stationary as to the date of his appearance. But +there was something more of nervous restlessness in his voice and +ways than formerly; that was the only change five years had +brought to him. And as for Sally, she chose to forget age and the +passage of years altogether, and had as much work in her, to use +her own expression, as she had at sixteen; nor was her appearance +very explicit as to the flight of time. Fifty, sixty, or seventy, +she might be--not more than the last, not less than the +first--though her usual answer to any circuitous inquiry as to +her age was now (what it had been for many years past), "I'm +feared I shall never see thirty again." + +Then as to the house. It was not one where the sitting-rooms are +refurnished every two or three years; not now, even (since Ruth +came to share their living) a place where, as an article grew +shabby or worn, a new one was purchased. The furniture looked +poor, and the carpets almost threadbare; but there was such a +dainty spirit of cleanliness abroad, such exquisite neatness of +repair, and altogether so bright and cheerful a look about the +rooms--everything so above-board--no shifts to conceal poverty +under flimsy ornament--that many a splendid drawing-room would +give less pleasure to those who could see evidences of character +in inanimate things. But whatever poverty there might be in the +house, there was full luxuriance in the little square +wall-encircled garden, on two sides of which the parlour and +kitchen looked. The laburnum-tree, which when Ruth came was like +a twig stuck into the ground, was now a golden glory in spring, +and a pleasant shade in summer. The wild hop, that Mr. Benson had +brought home from one of his country rambles, and planted by the +parlour-window, while Leonard was yet a baby in his mother's +arms, was now a garland over the casement, hanging down long +tendrils, that waved in the breezes, and threw pleasant shadows +and traceries, like some old Bacchanalian carving, on the +parlour-walls, at "morn or dusky eve." The yellow rose had +clambered up to the window of Mr. Benson's bedroom, and its +blossom-laden branches were supported by a jargonelle pear-tree +rich in autumnal fruit. + +But, perhaps, in Ruth herself there was the greatest external +change; for of the change which had gone on in her heart, and +mind, and soul, or if there had been any, neither she nor any one +around her was conscious; but sometimes Miss Benson did say to +Sally, "How very handsome Ruth is grown!" To which Sally made +ungracious answer, "Yes, she's well enough. Beauty is deceitful, +and favour a snare, and I'm thankful the Lord has spared me from +such man-traps and spring-guns." But even Sally could not help +secretly admiring Ruth. If her early brilliancy of colouring was +gone, a clear ivory skin, as smooth as satin, told of complete +and perfect health, and was as lovely, if not so striking in +effect, as the banished lilies and roses. Her hair had grown +darker and deeper, in the shadow that lingered in its masses; her +eyes, even if you could have guessed that they had shed bitter +tears in their day, had a thoughtful, spiritual look about them, +that made you wonder at their depth, and look--and look again. +The increase of dignity in her face had been imparted to her +form. I do not know if she had grown taller since the birth of +her child, but she looked as if she had. And although she had +lived in a very humble home, yet there was something about either +it or her, or the people amongst whom she had been thrown during +the last few years, which had so changed her, that whereas, six +or seven years ago, you would have perceived that she was not +altogether a lady by birth and education, yet now she might have +been placed among the highest in the land, and would have been +taken by the most critical judge for their equal, although +ignorant of their conventional etiquette--an ignorance which she +would have acknowledged in a simple, child-like way, being +unconscious of any false shame. + +Her whole heart was in her boy. She often feared that she loved +him too much--more than God Himself--yet she could not bear to +pray to have her love for her child lessened. But she would kneel +down by his little bed at night--at the deep, still +midnight--with the stars that kept watch over Rizpah shining down +upon her, and tell God what I have now told you, that she feared +she loved her child too much, yet could not, would not, love him +less; and speak to Him of her one treasure as she could speak to +no earthly friend. And so, unconsciously, her love for her child +led her up to love to God, to the All-knowing, who read her +heart. + +It might be superstition--I dare say it was--but, some-how, she +never lay down to rest without saying, as she looked her last on +her boy, "Thy will, not mine, be done"; and even while she +trembled and shrank with infinite dread from sounding the depths +of what that will might be, she felt as if her treasure were more +secure to waken up rosy and bright in the morning, as one over +whose slumbers God's holy angels had watched, for the very words +which she had turned away in sick terror from realising the night +before. + +Her daily absence at her duties to the Bradshaw children only +ministered to her love for Leonard. Everything does minister to +love when its foundation lies deep in a true heart, and it was +with an exquisite pang of delight that, after a moment of vague +fear, + +("Oh, mercy! to myself I said, If Lucy should be dead!") + +she saw her child's bright face of welcome as he threw open the +door every afternoon on her return home. For it was his +silently-appointed work to listen for her knock, and rush +breathless to let her in. If he were in the garden, or upstairs +among the treasures of the lumber-room, either Miss Benson, or +her brother, or Sally would fetch him to his happy little task; +no one so sacred as he to the allotted duty. And the joyous +meeting was not deadened by custom, to either mother or child. + +Ruth gave the Bradshaws the highest satisfaction, as Mr. Bradshaw +often said both to her and to the Bensons; indeed, she rather +winced under his pompous approbation. But his favourite +recreation was patronising; and when Ruth saw how quietly and +meekly Mr. Benson submitted to gifts and praise, when an honest +word of affection, or a tacit, implied acknowledgment of +equality, would have been worth everything said and done, she +tried to be more meek in spirit, and to recognise the good that +undoubtedly existed in Mr. Bradshaw. He was richer and more +prosperous than ever;--a keen, far-seeing man of business, with +an undisguised contempt for all who failed in the success which +he had achieved. But it was not alone those who were less +fortunate in obtaining wealth than himself that he visited with +severity of judgment; every moral error or delinquency came under +his unsparing comment. Stained by no vice himself, either in his +own eyes or in that of any human being who cared to judge him, +having nicely and wisely proportioned and adapted his means to +his ends, he could afford to speak and act with a severity which +was almost sanctimonious in its ostentation of thankfulness as to +himself. Not a misfortune or a sin was brought to light but Mr. +Bradshaw could trace to its cause in some former mode of action, +which he had long ago foretold would lead to shame. If another's +son turned out wild or bad, Mr. Bradshaw had little sympathy; it +might have been prevented by a stricter rule, or more religious +life at home; young Richard Bradshaw was quiet and steady, and +other fathers might have had sons like him if they had taken the +same pains to enforce obedience. Richard was an only son, and yet +Mr. Bradshaw might venture to say he had never had his own way in +his life. Mrs. Bradshaw was, he confessed (Mr. Bradshaw did not +dislike confessing his wife's errors), rather less firm than he +should have liked with the girls; and with some people, he +believed, Jemima was rather headstrong; but to his wishes she had +always shown herself obedient. All children were obedient if +their parents were decided and authoritative; and every one would +turn out well, if properly managed. If they did not prove good, +they might take the consequences of their errors. + +Mrs. Bradshaw murmured faintly at her husband when his back was +turned; but if his voice was heard, or his foot-steps sounded in +the distance, she was mute, and hurried her children into the +attitude or action most pleasing to their father. Jemima, it is +true, rebelled against this manner of proceeding, which savoured +to her a little of deceit; but even she had not, as yet, overcome +her awe of her father sufficiently to act independently of him, +and according to her own sense of right--or rather, I should say, +according to her own warm, passionate impulses. Before him the +wilfulness which made her dark eyes blaze out at times was hushed +and still; he had no idea of her self-tormenting, no notion of +the almost southern jealousy which seemed to belong to her +brunette complexion. Jemima was not pretty; the flatness and +shortness of her face made her almost plain; yet most people +looked twice at her expressive countenance, at the eyes which +flamed or melted at every trifle, at the rich colour which came +at every expressed emotion into her usually sallow face, at the +faultless teeth which made her smile like a sunbeam. But then, +again, when she thought she was not kindly treated, when a +suspicion crossed her mind, or when she was angry with herself, +her lips were tight-pressed together, her colour was wan and +almost livid, and a stormy gloom clouded her eyes as with a film. +But before her father her words were few, and he did not notice +looks or tones. + +Her brother Richard had been equally silent before his father in +boyhood and early youth; but since he had gone to be a clerk in a +London house, preparatory to assuming his place as junior partner +in Mr. Bradshaw's business, he spoke more on his occasional +visits at home. And very proper and highly moral was his +conversation; set sentences of goodness, which were like the +flowers that children stick in the ground, and that have not +sprung upwards from roots--deep down in the hidden life and +experience of the heart. He was as severe a judge as his father +of other people's conduct, but you felt that Mr. Bradshaw was +sincere in his condemnation of all outward error and vice, and +that he would try himself by the same laws as he tried others; +somehow, Richard's words were frequently heard with a lurking +distrust, and many shook their heads over the pattern son; but +then it was those whose sons had gone astray, and been condemned, +in no private or tender manner, by Mr. Bradshaw, so it might be +revenge in them. Still, Jemima felt that all was not right; her +heart sympathised in the rebellion against his father's commands, +which her brother had confessed to her in an unusual moment of +confidence, but her uneasy conscience condemned the deceit which +he had practised. + +The brother and sister were sitting alone over a blazing +Christmas fire, and Jemima held an old newspaper in her hand to +shield her face from the hot light. They were talking of family +events, when, during a pause, Jemima's eye caught the name of a +great actor, who had lately given prominence and life to a +character in one of Shakespeare's plays. The criticism in the +paper was fine, and warmed Jemima's heart. + +"How I should like to see a play!" exclaimed she. + +"Should you?" said her brother listlessly. + +"Yes, to be sure! Just hear this!" and she began to read a fine +passage of criticism. + +"Those newspaper people can make an article out of anything," +said he, yawning. + +"I've seen the man myself, and it was all very well, but nothing +to make such a fuss about." + +"You! you seen----! Have you seen a play, Richard? Oh, why did +you never tell me before? Tell me all about it! Why did you never +name seeing----in your letters?" + +He half smiled, contemptuously enough. "Oh! at first it strikes +one rather, but after a while one cares no more for the theatre +than one does for mince-pies." + +"Oh, I wish I might go to London!" said Jemima impatiently. "I've +a great mind to ask papa to let me go to the George Smiths', and +then I could see----. I would not think him like mince-pies." + +"You must not do any such thing!" said Richard, now neither +yawning nor contemptuous. "My father would never allow you to go +to the theatre; and the George Smiths are such old fogeys--they +would be sure to tell." + +"How do you go, then? Does my father give you leave?" + +"Oh! many things are right for men which are not for girls." + +Jemima sat and pondered. Richard wished he had not been so +confidential. + +"You need not name it," said he, rather anxiously. + +"Name what?" said she, startled, for her thoughts had gone far +afield. + +"Oh, name my going once or twice to the theatre!" + +"No, I shan't name it!" said she. "No one here would care to hear +it." + +But it was with some little surprise, and almost with a feeling +of disgust, that she heard Richard join with her father in +condemning some one, and add to Mr. Bradshaw's list of offences, +by alleging that the young man was a playgoer. He did not think +his sister heard his words. Mary and Elizabeth were the two girls +whom Ruth had in charge; they resembled Jemima more than their +brother in character. The household rules were occasionally a +little relaxed in their favour, for Mary, the elder, was nearly +eight years younger than Jemima, and three intermediate children +had died. They loved Ruth dearly, made a great pet of Leonard, +and had many profound secrets together, most of which related to +their wonders if Jemima and Mr. Farquhar would ever be married. +They watched their sister closely; and every day had some fresh +confidence to make to each other, confirming or discouraging to +their hopes. + +Ruth rose early, and shared the household work with Sally and +Miss Benson till seven; and then she helped Leonard to dress, and +had a quiet time alone with him till prayers and breakfast. At +nine she was to be at Mr. Bradshaw's house. She sat in the room +with Mary and Elizabeth during the Latin, the writing, and +arithmetic lessons, which they received from masters; then she +read, and walked with them, clinging to her as to an elder +sister; she dined with her pupils at the family lunch, and +reached home by four. That happy home--those quiet days! And so +the peaceful days passed on into weeks, and months, and years, +and Ruth and Leonard grew and strengthened into the riper beauty +of their respective ages; while as yet no touch of decay had come +on the quaint, primitive elders of the household. + + +CHAPTER XX + + +JEMIMA REFUSES TO BE MANAGED + +It was no wonder that the lookers-on were perplexed as to the +state of affairs between Jemima and Mr. Farquhar, for they two +were sorely puzzled themselves at the sort of relationship +between them. Was it love, or was it not? that was the question +in Mr. Farquhar's mind. He hoped it was not; he believed it was +not; and yet he felt as if it were. There was something +preposterous, he thought, in a man nearly forty years of age +being in love with a girl of twenty. He had gone on reasoning, +through all the days of his manhood, on the idea of a staid, +noble-minded wife, grave and sedate, the fit companion in +experience of her husband. He had spoken with admiration of +reticent characters, full of self-control and dignity; and he +hoped--he trusted, that all this time he had not been allowing +himself unconsciously to fall in love with a wild-hearted, +impetuous girl, who knew nothing of life beyond her father's +house, and who chafed under the strict discipline enforced there. +For it was rather a suspicious symptom of the state of Mr. +Farquhar's affections, that he had discovered the silent +rebellion which continued in Jemima's heart, unperceived by any +of her own family, against the severe laws and opinions of her +father. Mr. Farquhar shared in these opinions; but in him they +were modified, and took a milder form. Still, he approved of much +that Mr. Bradshaw did and said; and this made it all the more +strange that he should wince so for Jemima, whenever anything +took place which he instinctively knew that she would dislike. +After an evening at Mr. Bradshaw's, when Jemima had gone to the +very verge of questioning or disputing some of her father's +severe judgments, Mr. Farquhar went home in a dissatisfied, +restless state of mind, which he was almost afraid to analyse. He +admired the inflexible integrity--and almost the pomp of +principle--evinced by Mr. Bradshaw on every occasion; he wondered +how it was that Jemima could not see how grand a life might be, +whose every action was shaped in obedience to some eternal law; +instead of which, he was afraid she rebelled against every law, +and was only guided by impulse. Mr. Farquhar had been taught to +dread impulses as promptings of the devil. Sometimes, if he tried +to present her father's opinion before her in another form, so as +to bring himself and her rather more into that state of agreement +he longed for, she flashed out upon him with the indignation of +difference that she dared not show to, or before, her father, as +if she had some diviner instinct which taught her more truly than +they knew, with all their experience; at least, in her first +expressions there seemed something good and fine; but opposition +made her angry and irritable, and the arguments which he was +constantly provoking (whenever he was with her in her father's +absence) frequently ended in some vehemence of expression on her +part that offended Mr. Farquhar, who did not see how she expiated +her anger in tears and self-reproaches when alone in her chamber. +Then he would lecture himself severely on the interest he could +not help feeling in a wilful girl; he would determine not to +interfere with her opinions in future, and yet, the very next +time they differed, he strove to argue her into harmony with +himself, in spite of all resolutions to the contrary. + +Mr. Bradshaw saw just enough of this interest which Jemima had +excited in his partner's mind, to determine him in considering +their future marriage as a settled affair. The fitness of the +thing had long ago struck him; her father's partner--so the +fortune he meant to give her might continue in the business; a +man of such steadiness of character, and such a capital eye for a +desirable speculation, as Mr. Farquhar--just the right age to +unite the paternal with the conjugal affection, and consequently +the very man for Jemima, who had something unruly in her, which +might break out under a regime less wisely adjusted to the +circumstances than was Mr. Bradshaw's (in his own opinion)--a +house ready furnished, at a convenient distance from her home--no +near relations on Mr. Farquhar's side, who might be inclined to +consider his residence as their own for an indefinite time, and +so add to the household expenses--in short, what could be more +suitable in every way? Mr. Bradshaw respected the very +self-restraint he thought he saw in Mr. Farquhar's demeanour, +attributing it to a wise desire to wait until trade should be +rather more slack, and the man of business more at leisure to +become the lover. + +As for Jemima, at times she thought she almost hated Mr. +Farquhar. + +"What business has he," she would think, "to lecture me? Often I +can hardly bear it from papa, and I will not bear it from him. He +treats me just like a child, and as if I should lose all my +present opinions when I know more of the world. I am sure I +should like never to know the world, if it was to make me think +as he does, hard man that he is! I wonder what made him take Jem +Brown on as gardener again, if he does not believe that above one +criminal in a thousand is restored to goodness. I'll ask him, +some day, if that was not acting on impulse rather than +principle. Poor impulse! how you do get abused! But I will tell +Mr. Farquhar I will not let him interfere with me. If I do what +papa bids me, no one has a right to notice whether I do it +willingly or not." + +So then she tried to defy Mr. Farquhar, by doing and saying +things that she knew he would disapprove. She went so far that he +was seriously grieved, and did not even remonstrate and +"lecture," and then she was disappointed and irritated; for, +somehow, with all her indignation at interference, she liked to +be lectured by him; not that she was aware of this liking of +hers, but still it would have been more pleasant to be scolded +than so quietly passed over. Her two little sisters, with their +wide-awake eyes, had long ago put things together, and +conjectured. Every day they had some fresh mystery together, to +be imparted in garden walks and whispered talks. + +"Lizzie, did you see how the tears came into Mimie's eyes when +Mr. Farquhar looked so displeased when she said good people were +always dull? I think she's in love." Mary said the last words +with grave emphasis, and felt like an oracle of twelve years of +age. + +"I don't," said Lizzie. "I know I cry often enough when papa is +cross, and I'm not in love with him." + +"Yes! but you don't look as Mimie did." + +"Don't call her Mimie--you know papa does not like it?" + +"Yes; but there are so many things papa does not like I can never +remember them all. Never mind about that; but listen to something +I've got to tell you, if you'll never, never tell." + +"No, indeed I won't, Mary. What is it?" + +"Not to Mrs. Denbigh?" + +"No, not even to Mrs. Denbigh." + +"Well, then, the other day--last Friday, Mimie----" + +"Jemima!" interrupted the more conscientious Elizabeth. + +"Jemima, if it must be so," jerked out Mary, "sent me to her desk +for an envelope, and what do you. think I saw?" + +"What?" asked Elizabeth, expecting nothing else than a red-hot +Valentine, signed Walter Farquhar, pro Bradshaw, Farquhar, & Co., +in full. + +"Why, a piece of paper, with dull-looking lines upon it, just +like the scientific dialogues; and I remember all about it. It +was once when Mr. Farquhar had been telling us that a bullet does +not go in a straight line, but in a something curve, and he drew +some lines on a piece of paper; and Mimie----" + +"Jemima!" put in Elizabeth. + +"Well, well! She had treasured it up, and written in corner, 'W. +F., April 3rd.' Now, that's rather like love, is not it? For +Jemima hates useful information just as much as I do, and that's +saying a great deal; and yet she had kept this paper, and dated +it." + +"If that's all, I know Dick keeps a paper with Miss Benson's name +written on it, and yet he's not in love with her; and perhaps +Jemima may like Mr. Farquhar, and he may not like her. It seems +such a little while since her hair was turned up, and he has +always been a grave, middle-aged man ever since I can recollect; +and then, have you never noticed how often he finds fault with +her--almost lectures her?" + +"To be sure," said Mary; "but he may be in love, for all that. +Just think how often papa lectures mamma; and yet, of course, +they're in love with each other." + +"Well! we shall see," said Elizabeth. + +Poor Jemima little thought of the four sharp eyes that watched +her daily course while she sat alone, as she fancied, with her +secret in her own room. For, in a passionate fit of grieving, at +the impatient, hasty temper which had made her so seriously +displease Mr. Farquhar that he had gone away without +remonstrance, without more leave-taking than a distant bow, she +had begun to suspect that, rather than not be noticed at all by +him, rather than be an object of indifference to him--oh! far +rather would she be an object of anger and upbraiding; and the +thoughts that followed this confession to herself stunned and +bewildered her; and for once that they made her dizzy with hope, +ten times they made her sick with fear. For an instant she +planned to become and to be all he could wish her; to change her +very nature for him. And then a great gush of pride came over +her, and she set her teeth tight together, and determined that he +should either love her as she was or not at all. Unless he could +take her with all her faults, she would not care for his regard; +"love" was too noble a word to call such cold, calculating +feeling as his must be, who went about with a pattern idea in his +mind, trying to find a wife to match. Besides, there was +something degrading, Jemima thought, in trying to alter herself +to gain the love of any human creature. And yet, if he did not +care for her, if this late indifference were to last, what a +great shroud was drawn over life! Could she bear it? + +From the agony she dared not look at, but which she was going to +risk encountering, she was aroused by the presence of her mother. + +"Jemima! your father wants to speak to you in the dining-room." + +"What for?" asked the girl. + +"Oh! he is fidgeted by something Mr. Farquhar said to me and +which I repeated. I am sure I thought there was no harm in it, +and your father always likes me to tell him what everybody says +in his absence." + +Jemima went with a heavy heart into her father's presence. + +He was walking up and down the room, and did not see her at +first. + +"O Jemima! is that you? Has your mother told you what I want to +speak to you about?" + +"No!" said Jemima. "Not exactly." + +"She has been telling me what proves to me how very seriously you +must have displeased and offended Mr. Farquhar, before he could +have expressed himself to her as he did, when he left the house. +You know what he said?" + +"No!" said Jemima, her heart swelling within her. "He has no +right to say anything about me." She was desperate, or she durst +not have said this before her father. + +"No right!--what do you mean, Jemima?" said Mr. Bradshaw, turning +sharp round. "Surely you must know that I hope he may one day be +your husband; that is to say, if you prove yourself worthy of the +excellent training I have given you. I cannot suppose Mr. +Farquhar would take any undisciplined girl as a wife." Jemima +held tight by a chair near which she was standing. She did not +speak; her father was pleased by her silence--it was the way in +which he liked his projects to be received. + +"But you cannot suppose," he continued, "that Mr. Farquhar will +consent to marry you----" + +"Consent to marry me!" repeated Jemima, in a low tone of brooding +indignation; were those the terms upon which her rich woman's +heart was to be given, with a calm consent of acquiescent +acceptance, but a little above resignation on the part of the +receiver?-- + +"If you give way to a temper which, although you have never dared +to show it to me, I am well aware exists, although I hoped the +habits of self-examination I had instilled had done much to cure +you of manifesting it. At one time, Richard promised to be the +more headstrong of the two; now, I must desire you to take +pattern by him. Yes," he continued, falling into his old train of +thought, "it would be a most fortunate connection for you in +every way. I should have you under my own eye, and could still +assist you in the formation of your character, and I should be at +hand to strengthen and confirm your principles. Mr. Farquhar's +connection with the firm would be convenient and agreeable to me +in a pecuniary point of view. He----" Mr. Bradshaw was going on +in his enumeration of the advantages which he in particular, and +Jemima in the second place, would derive from this marriage, when +his daughter spoke, at first so low that he could not hear her, +as he walked up and down the room with his creaking boots, and he +had to stop to listen. + +"Has Mr. Farquhar ever spoken to you about it?" Jemima's cheek +was flushed as she asked the question; she wished that she might +have been the person to whom he had first addressed himself. + +Mr. Bradshaw answered-- + +"No, not spoken. It has been implied between us for some time. At +least, I have been so aware of his intentions that I have made +several allusions, in the course of business, to it, as a thing +that might take place. He can hardly have misunderstood; he must +have seen that I perceived his design, and approved of it," said +Mr. Bradshaw, rather doubtfully; as he remembered how very +little, in fact, passed between him and his partner which could +have reference to the subject, to any but a mind prepared to +receive it. Perhaps Mr. Farquhar had not really thought of it; +but then again, that would imply that his own penetration had +been mistaken, a thing not impossible certainly, but quite beyond +the range of probability. So he reassured himself, and (as he +thought) his daughter, by saying-- + +"The whole thing is so suitable--the advantages arising from the +connection are so obvious; besides which, I am quite aware, from +many little speeches of Mr. Farquhar's, that he contemplates +marriage at no very distant time; and he seldom leaves Eccleston, +and visits few families besides our own--certainly, none that can +compare with ours in the advantages you have all received in +moral and religious training." But then Mr. Bradshaw was checked +in his implied praises of himself (and only himself could be his +martingale when he once set out on such a career) by a +recollection that Jemima must not feel too secure, as she might +become if he dwelt too much on the advantages of her being her +father's daughter. Accordingly, he said, "But you must be aware, +Jemima, that you do very little credit to the education I have +given you, when you make such an impression as you must have done +to-day, before Mr. Farquhar could have said what. he did of you!" + +"What did he say?" asked Jemima, still in the low, husky tone of +suppressed anger. + +"Your mother says he remarked to her, 'What a pity it is that +Jemima cannot maintain her opinions without going into a passion; +and what a pity it is that her opinions are such as to sanction, +rather than curb, these fits of rudeness and anger!'" + +"Did he say that?" said Jemima, in a still lower tone, not +questioning her father, but speaking rather to herself. + +"I have no doubt he did," replied her father gravely. "Your +mother is in the habit of repeating accurately to me what takes +place in my absence; besides which, the whole speech is not one +of hers; she has not altered a word in the repetition, I am +convinced. I have trained her to habits of accuracy very unusual +in a woman." + +At another time, Jemima might have been inclined to rebel against +this system of carrying constant intelligence to headquarters, +which she had long ago felt as an insurmountable obstacle to any +free communication with her mother; but now, her father's means +of acquiring knowledge faded into insignificance before the +nature of the information he imparted. She stood quite still, +grasping the chair-back, longing to be dismissed. + +"I have said enough now, I hope, to make you behave in a becoming +manner to Mr. Farquhar; if your temper is too unruly to be always +under your own control, at least have respect to my injunctions, +and take some pains to curb it before him." + +"May I go?" asked Jemima, chafing more and more. + +"You may," said her father. When she left the room be gently +rubbed his hands together, satisfied with the effect he had +produced, and wondering how it was that one so well brought up as +his daughter could ever say or do anything to provoke such a +remark from Mr. Farquhar as that which he had heard repeated. + +"Nothing can be more gentle and docile than she is when spoken to +in the proper manner. I must give Farquhar a hint," said Mr. +Bradshaw to himself. Jemima rushed upstairs and locked herself +into her room. She began pacing up and down at first, without +shedding a tear; but then she suddenly stopped, and burst out +crying with passionate indignation. + +"So! I am to behave well, not because it is right--not because it +is right--but to show off before Mr. Farquhar. Oh, Mr. Farquhar!" +said she, suddenly changing to a sort of upbraiding tone of +voice, "I did not think so of you an hour ago. I did not think +you could choose a wife in that cold-hearted way, though you did +profess to act by rule and line; but you think to have me, do +you? because it is fitting and suitable, and you want to be +married, and can't spare time for wooing" (she was lashing +herself up by an exaggeration of all her father had said). "And +bow often I have thought you were too grand for me! but now I +know better. Now I can believe that all you do is done from +calculation; you are good because it adds to your business +credit--you talk in that high strain about principle because it +sounds well, and is respectable--and even these things are better +than your cold way of looking out for a wife, just as you would +do for a carpet, to add to your comforts, and settle you +respectably. But I won't be that wife. You shall see something of +me which shall make you not acquiesce so quietly in the +arrangements of the firm." She cried too vehemently to go on +thinking or speaking. Then she stopped, and said-- + +"Only an hour ago I was hoping--I don't know what I was +hoping--but I thought--oh! how I was deceived!--I thought he had +a true, deep, loving manly heart, which God might let me win; but +now I know he has only a calm, calculating head----" + +If Jemima had been vehement and passionate before this +conversation with her father, it was better than the sullen +reserve she assumed now whenever Mr. Farquhar came to the house. +He felt it deeply; no reasoning with himself took off the pain he +experienced. He tried to speak on the subjects she liked, in the +manner she liked, until he despised himself for the unsuccessful +efforts. He stood between her and her father once or twice, in +obvious inconsistency with his own previously expressed opinions; +and Mr. Bradshaw piqued himself upon his admirable management, in +making Jemima feel that she owed his indulgence or forbearance to +Mr. Farquhar's interference; but Jemima--perverse, miserable +Jemima--thought that she hated Mr. Farquhar all the more. She +respected her father inflexible, much more than her father +pompously giving up to Mr. Farquhar's subdued remonstrances on +her behalf. Even Mr. Bradshaw was perplexed, and shut himself up +to consider how Jemima was to be made more fully to understand +his wishes and her own interests. But there was nothing to take +hold of as a ground for any further conversation with her. Her +actions were so submissive that they were spiritless; she did all +her father desired; she did it with a nervous quickness and +haste, if she thought that otherwise Mr. Farquhar would interfere +in any way. She wished evidently to owe nothing to him. She had +begun by leaving the room when he came in, after the conversation +she had had with her father; but at Mr. Bradshaw's first +expression of his wish that she should remain, she +remained--silent, indifferent, inattentive to all that was going +on; at least there was this appearance of inattention. She would +work away at her sewing as if she were to earn her livelihood by +it; the light was gone out of her eyes as she lifted them up +heavily before replying to any question, and the eyelids were +often swollen with crying. + +But in all this there was no positive fault. Mr. Bradshaw could +not have told her not to do this, or to do that, without her +doing it; for she had become much more docile of late. + +It was a wonderful proof of the influence Ruth had gained in the +family, that Mr. Bradshaw, after much deliberation, congratulated +himself on the wise determination he had made of requesting her +to speak to Jemima, and find out what feeling was at the bottom +of all this change in her ways of going on. He rang the bell. + +"Is Mrs. Denbigh here?" he inquired of the servant who answered +it. + +"Yes, sir; she has just come." + +"Beg her to come to me in this room as soon as she can leave the +young ladies." Ruth came. + +"Sit down, Mrs. Denbigh; sit down. I want to have a little +conversation with you; not about your pupils; they are going on +well under your care, I am sure; and I often congratulate myself +on the choice I made--I assure you I do. But now I want to speak +to you about Jemima. She is very fond of you, and perhaps you +could take an opportunity of observing to her--in short, of +saying to her, that she is behaving very foolishly--in fact, +disgusting Mr. Farquhar (who was, I know, inclined to like her) +by the sullen, sulky way she behaves in, when he is by." + +He paused for the ready acquiescence he expected. But Ruth did +not quite comprehend what was required of her, and disliked the +glimpse she had gained of the task very much. + +"I hardly understand, sir. You are displeased with Miss +Bradshaw's manners to Mr. Farquhar." + +"Well, well! not quite that; I am displeased with her +manners--they are sulky and abrupt, particularly when he is +by--and I want you (of whom she is so fond) to speak to her about +it." + +"But I have never had the opportunity of noticing them. Whenever +I have seen her, she has been most gentle and affectionate." + +"But I think you do not hesitate to believe me when I say that I +have noticed the reverse," said Mr. Bradshaw, drawing himself up. + +"No, sir. I beg your pardon if I have expressed myself so badly +as to seem to doubt. But am I to tell Miss Bradshaw that you have +spoken of her faults to me?" asked Ruth, a little astonished, and +shrinking more than ever from the proposed task. + +"If you would allow me to finish what I have got to say, without +interruption, I could then tell you what I do wish." + +"I beg your pardon, sir," said Ruth gently. + +"I wish you to join our circle occasionally in an evening; Mrs. +Bradshaw shall send you an invitation when Mr. Farquhar is likely +to be here. Warned by me, and, consequently, with your +observation quickened, you can hardly fail to notice instances of +what I have pointed out; and then I will trust to your own good +sense" (Mr. Bradshaw bowed to her at this part of his sentence) +"to find an opportunity to remonstrate with her." + +Ruth was beginning to speak, but he waved his hand for another +minute of silence. + +"Only a minute, Mrs. Denbigh. I am quite aware that, in +requesting your presence occasionally in the evening, I shall be +trespassing upon the time which is, in fact, your money; you may +be assured that I shall not forget this little circumstance, and +you can explain what I have said on this head to Benson and his +sister." + +"I am afraid I cannot do it," Ruth began; but, while she was +choosing words delicate enough to express her reluctance to act +as he wished, he had almost bowed her out of the room; and +thinking that she was modest in her estimate of her +qualifications for remonstrating with his daughter, he added, +blandly-- + +"No one so able, Mrs. Denbigh. I have observed many qualities in +you--observed when, perhaps, you have little thought it." + +If he had observed Ruth that morning he would have seen an +absence of mind and depression of spirits not much to her credit +as a teacher; for she could not bring herself to feel that she +had any right to go into the family purposely to watch over and +find fault with any one member of it. If she had seen anything +wrong in Jemima, Ruth loved her so much that she would have told +her of it in private; and with many doubts, how far she was the +one to pull out the mote from any one's eye, even in the most +tender manner;--she would have had to conquer reluctance before +she could have done even this; but there was something +indefinably repugnant to her in the manner of acting which Mr. +Bradshaw had proposed, and she determined not to accept the +invitations which were to place her in so false a position. + +But as she was leaving the house, after the end of the lessons, +while she stood in the hall tying on her bonnet, and listening to +the last small confidences of her two pupils, she saw Jemima +coming in through the garden-door, and was struck by the change +in her looks. The large eyes, so brilliant once, were dim and +clouded; the complexion sallow and colourless; a lowering +expression was on the dark brow, and the corners of her mouth +drooped as with sorrowful thoughts. She looked up, and her eyes +met Ruth's. + +"Oh! you beautiful creature!" thought Jemima, "with your still, +calm, heavenly face, what are you to know of earth's trials? You +have lost your beloved by death--but that is a blessed sorrow; +the sorrow I have pulls me down and down, and makes me despise +and hate every one--not you, though." And, her face changing to a +soft, tender look, she went up to Ruth and kissed her fondly; as +if it were a relief to be near some one on whose true, pure heart +she relied. Ruth returned the caress; and even while she did so, +she suddenly rescinded her resolution to keep clear of what Mr. +Bradshaw had desired her to do. On her way home she resolved, if +she could, to find out what were Jemima's secret feelings; and if +(as, from some previous knowledge, she suspected) they were +morbid and exaggerated in any way, to try and help her right with +all the wisdom which true love gives. It was time that some one +should come to still the storm in Jemima's turbulent heart, which +was daily and hourly knowing less and less of peace. The +irritating difficulty was to separate the two characters, which +at two different times she had attributed to Mr. Farquhar--the +old one, which she had formerly believed to be true, that he was +a man acting up to a high standard of lofty principle, and acting +up without a struggle (and this last had been the circumstance +which had made her rebellious and irritable once); the new one, +which her father had excited in her suspicious mind, that Mr. +Farquhar was cold and calculating in all he did, and that she was +to be transferred by the former, and accepted by the latter, as a +sort of stock-in-trade--these were the two Mr. Farquhars who +clashed together in her mind. And in this state of irritation and +prejudice, she could not bear the way in which he gave up his +opinions to please her; that was not the way to win her; she +liked him far better when he inflexibly and rigidly adhered to +Ills idea of right and wrong, not even allowing any force to +temptation, and hardly any grace to repentance, compared with +that beauty of holiness which had never yielded to sin. He had +been her idol in those days, as she found out now, however much +at the time she had opposed him with violence. + +As for Mr. Farquhar, he was almost weary of himself; no +reasoning, even no principle, seemed to have influence over him, +for he saw that Jemima was not at all what he approved of in +woman. He saw her uncurbed and passionate, affecting to despise +the rules of life he held most sacred, and indifferent to, if not +positively disliking, him; and yet he loved her dearly. But he +resolved to make a great effort of will, and break loose from +these trammels of sense. And while he resolved, some old +recollection would bring her up, hanging on his arm, in all the +confidence of early girlhood, looking up in his face with her +soft, dark eyes, and questioning him upon the mysterious subjects +which had so much interest for both of them at that time, +although they had become only matter for dissension in these +later days. + +It was also true, as Mr. Bradshaw had said, Mr. Farquhar wished +to marry, and had not much choice in the small town of Eccleston. +He never put this so plainly before himself, as a reason for +choosing Jemima, as her father had done to her; but it was an +unconscious motive all the same. However, now he had lectured +himself into the resolution to make a pretty long absence from +Eccleston, and see if, amongst his distant friends, there was no +woman more in accordance with his ideal, who could put the +naughty, wilful, plaguing Jemima Bradshaw out of his head, if he +did not soon perceive some change in her for the better. A few +days after Ruth's conversation with Mr. Bradshaw the invitation +she had been expecting, yet dreading, came. It was to her alone. +Mr. and Miss Benson were pleased at the compliment to her, and +urged her acceptance of it. She wished that they had been +included; she had not thought it right, or kind to Jemima, to +tell them why she was going, and she feared now lest they should +feel a little hurt that they were not asked too. But she need not +have been afraid. They were glad and proud of the attention to +her, and never thought of themselves. + +"Ruthie, what gown shall you wear to-night? Your dark-grey one, I +suppose?" asked Miss Benson. + +"Yes, I suppose so. I never thought of it; but that is my best." + +"Well; then, I shall quill up a ruff for you. You know I am a +famous quiller of net." + +Ruth came downstairs with a little flush on her cheeks when she +was ready to go. She held her bonnet and shawl in her hand, for +she knew Miss Benson and Sally would want to see her dressed. + +"Is not mamma pretty?" asked Leonard, with a child's pride. + +"She looks very nice and tidy," said Miss Benson, who had an idea +that children should not talk or think about beauty. + +"I think my ruff looks so nice," said Ruth, with gentle pleasure. +And, indeed, it did look nice, and set off the pretty round +throat most becomingly. Her hair, now grown long and thick, was +smoothed as close to her head as its waving nature would allow, +and plaited up in a great rich knot low down behind. The grey +gown was as plain as plain could be. + +"You should have light gloves, Ruth," said Miss Benson. She went +upstairs, and brought down a delicate pair of Limerick ones, +which had been long treasured up in a walnut-shell. + +"They say them gloves is made of chickens'-skins," said Sally, +examining them curiously. "I wonder how they set about skinning +'em." + +"Here, Ruth," said Mr. Benson, coming in from the garden, "here's +a rose or two for you. I am sorry there are no more; I hoped I +should have had my yellow rose out by this time, but the damask +and the white are in a warmer corner, and have got the start." + +Miss Benson and Leonard stood at the door, and watched her down +the little passage-street till she was out of sight. + +She had hardly touched the bell at Mr. Bradshaw's door, when Mary +and Elizabeth opened it with boisterous glee. + +"We saw you coming--we've been watching for you--we want you to +come round the garden before tea; papa is not come in yet. Do +come!" + +She went round the garden with a little girl clinging to each +arm. It was full of sunshine and flowers, and this made the +contrast between it and the usual large family room (which +fronted the north-east, and therefore had no evening sun to light +up its cold, drab furniture) more striking than usual. It looked +very gloomy. There was the great dining-table, heavy and square; +the range of chairs, straight and square; the work-boxes, useful +and square; the colouring of walls, and carpets, and curtains, +all of the coldest description; everything was handsome, and +everything was ugly. Mrs. Bradshaw was asleep in her easy-chair +when they came in. Jemima had just put down her work, and, lost +in thought, she leaned her cheek on her hand. When she saw Ruth +she brightened a little, and went to her and kissed her. Mrs. +Bradshaw jumped up at the sound of their entrance, and was wide +awake in a moment. + +"Oh! I thought your father was here," said she, evidently +relieved to find that he had not come in and caught her sleeping. + +"Thank you, Mrs. Denbigh, for coming to us to-night," said she, +in the quiet tone in which she generally spoke in her husband's +absence. When he was there, a sort of constant terror of +displeasing him made her voice sharp and nervous; the children +knew that many a thing passed over by their mother when their +father was away was sure to be noticed by her when he was +present, and noticed, too, in a cross and querulous manner, for +she was so much afraid of the blame which on any occasion of +their misbehaviour fell upon her. And yet she looked up to her +husband with a reverence and regard, and a faithfulness of love, +which his decision of character was likely to produce on a weak +and anxious mind. He was a rest and a support to her, on whom she +cast all her responsibilities; she was an obedient, +unremonstrating wife to him; no stronger affection had ever +brought her duty into conflict with any desire of her heart. She +loved her children dearly, though they all perplexed her very +frequently. Her son was her especial darling, because he very +seldom brought her into any scrapes with his father; he was so +cautious and prudent, and had the art of "keeping a calm sough" +about any difficulty he might be in. With all her dutiful sense +of the obligation, which her husband enforced upon her, to notice +and tell him everything that was going wrong in the household, +and especially among his children, Mrs. Bradshaw, somehow, +contrived to be honestly blind to a good deal that was not +praiseworthy in Master Richard. + +Mr. Bradshaw came in before long, bringing with him Mr. Farquhar. +Jemima had been talking to Ruth with some interest before then; +but, on seeing Mr. Farquhar, she bent her head down over her +work, went a little paler; and turned obstinately silent. Mr. +Bradshaw longed to command her to speak; but even he had a +suspicion that what she might say, when so commanded, might be +rather worse in its effect than her gloomy silence; so he held +his peace, and a discontented, angry kind of peace it was. Mrs. +Bradshaw saw that something was wrong, but could not tell what; +only she became every moment more trembling, and nervous, and +irritable, and sent Mary and Elizabeth off on all sorts of +contradictory errands to the servants, and made the tea twice as +strong, and sweetened it twice as much as--usual, in hopes of +pacifying her husband with good things. Mr. Farquhar had gone for +the last time, or so he thought. He had resolved (for the fifth +time) that he would go and watch Jemima once more, and if her +temper got the better of her, and she showed the old sullenness +again, and gave the old proofs of indifference to his good +opinion, he would give her up altogether, and seek a wife +elsewhere. He sat watching her with folded arms, and in silence. +Altogether they were a pleasant family party! + +Jemima wanted to wind a skein of wool. Mr. Farquhar saw it, and +came to her, anxious to do her this little service. She turned +away pettishly, and asked Ruth to hold it for her. + +Ruth was hurt for Mr. Farquhar, and looked sorrowfully at Jemima; +but Jemima would not see her glance of upbraiding, as Ruth, +hoping that she would relent, delayed a little to comply with her +request. Mr. Farquhar did; and went back to his seat to watch +them both. He saw Jemima turbulent and stormy in look; he saw +Ruth, to all appearance heavenly calm as the angels, or with only +that little tinge of sorrow which her friend's behaviour had +called forth. He saw the unusual beauty of her face and form, +which he had never noticed before; and he saw Jemima, with all +the brilliancy she once possessed in eyes and complexion, dimmed +and faded. He watched Ruth, speaking low and soft to the little +girls, who seemed to come to her in every difficulty, and he +remarked her gentle firmness when their bed-time came, and they +pleaded to stay up longer (their father was absent in his +counting-house, or they would not have dared to do so). He liked +Ruth's soft, distinct, unwavering "No! you must go. You must keep +to what is right," far better than the good-natured yielding to +entreaty he had formerly admired in Jemima. He was wandering off +into this comparison, while Ruth with delicate and unconscious +tact, was trying to lead Jemima into some subject which should +take her away from the thoughts, whatever they were, that made +her so ungracious and rude. + +Jemima was ashamed of herself before Ruth, in a way which she had +never been before any one else. She valued Ruth's good opinion so +highly, that she dreaded lest her friend should perceive her +faults. She put a check upon herself--a check at first; but after +a little time she had forgotten something of her trouble, and +listened to Ruth, and questioned her about Leonard, and smiled at +his little witticisms; and only the sighs, that would come up +from the very force of habit, brought back the consciousness of +her unhappiness. Before the end of the evening, Jemima had +allowed herself to speak to Mr. Farquhar in the old +way--questioning, differing, disputing. She was recalled to the +remembrance of that miserable conversation by the entrance of her +father. After that she was silent. But he had seen her face more +animated, and bright with a smile, as she spoke to Mr. Farquhar; +and although he regretted the loss of her complexion (for she was +still very pale), he was highly pleased with the success of his +project. He never doubted but that Ruth had given her some sort +of private exhortation to behave better. He could not have +understood the pretty art with which, by simply banishing +unpleasant subjects, and throwing a wholesome natural sunlit tone +over others, Ruth had insensibly drawn Jemima out of her gloom. +He resolved to buy Mrs. Denbigh a handsome silk gown the very +next day. He did not believe she had a silk gown, poor creature! +He had noticed that dark-grey stuff, this long, long time, as her +Sunday dress. He liked the colour; the silk one should be just +the same tinge. Then he thought that it would, perhaps, be better +to choose a lighter shade, one which might be noticed as +different to the old gown. For he had no doubt she would like to +have it remarked, and, perhaps, would not object to tell people, +that it was a present from Mr. Bradshaw--a token of his +approbation. He smiled a little to himself as he thought of this +additional source of pleasure to Ruth. She, in the meantime, was +getting up to go home. While Jemima was lighting the bed-candle +at the lamp, Ruth came round to bid good-night. Mr. Bradshaw +could not allow her to remain till the morrow uncertain whether +he was satisfied or not. + +"Good-night, Mrs Denbigh," said he. "Good-night. Thank you. I am +obliged to you--I am exceedingly obliged to you." + +He laid emphasis on these words, for he was pleased to see Mr. +Farquhar step forward to help Jemima in her little office. + +Mr. Farquhar offered to accompany Ruth home; but the streets that +intervened between Mr. Bradshaw's and the Chapel-house were so +quiet that he desisted, when he learnt. from Ruth's manner how +much she disliked his proposal. Mr. Bradshaw, too, instantly +observed-- + +"Oh! Mrs. Denbigh need not trouble you, Farquhar. I have servants +at liberty at any moment to attend on her, if she wishes it." + +In fact, he wanted to make hay while the sun shone, and to detain +Mr. Farquhar a little longer, now that Jemima was so gracious. +She went upstairs with Ruth to help her to put on her things. + +"Dear Jemima!" said Ruth, "I am so glad to see you looking better +to-night! You quite frightened me this morning, you looked so +ill." + +"Did I?" replied Jemima. "O Ruth! I have been so unhappy lately. +I want you to come and put me to rights," she continued, half +smiling. "You know I'm a sort of out-pupil of yours, though we +are so nearly of an age. You ought to lecture me, and make me +good." + +"Should I, dear?" said Ruth. "I don't think I'm the one to do +it." + +"Oh yes! you are--you've done me good to-night." + +"Well, if I can do anything for you, tell me what it is?" asked +Ruth tenderly. + +"Oh, not now--not now," replied Jemima. "I could not tell you +here. It's a long story, and I don't know that I can tell you at +all. Mamma might come up at any moment, and papa would be sure to +ask what we had been talking about so long." + +"Take your own time, love," said Ruth; "only remember, as far as +I can, how glad I am to help you." + +"You're too good, my darling!" said Jemima fondly. + +"Don't say so," replied Ruth earnestly, almost as if she were +afraid. "God knows I am not." + +"Well! we're none of us too good," answered Jemima; "I know that. +But you are very good. Nay, I won't call you so, if it makes you +look so miserable. But come away downstairs." + +With the fragrance of Ruth's sweetness lingering about her, +Jemima was her best self during the next half-hour. Mr. Bradshaw +was more and more pleased, and raised the price of the silk, +which he was going to give Ruth, sixpence a yard during the time. +Mr. Farquhar went home through the garden-way, happier than he +had been this long time. He even caught himself humming the old +refrain: + +"On revient, on revient toujours, A ses premiers amours." + +But as soon as he was aware of what he was doing, he cleared away +the remnants of the song into a cough, which was sonorous, if not +perfectly real. + + +CHAPTER XXI + + +MR. FARQUHAR'S ATTENTIONS TRANSFERRED + +The next morning, as Jemima and her mother sat at their work, it +came into the head of the former to remember her father's very +marked way of thanking Ruth the evening before. + +"What a favourite Mrs. Denbigh is with papa!" said she. "I am +sure I don't wonder at it. Did you notice, mamma, how he thanked +her for coming here last night?" + +"Yes, dear; but I don't think it was all----" Mrs. Bradshaw +stopped short. She was never certain if it was right or wrong to +say anything. + +"Not all what?" asked Jemima, when she saw her mother was not +going to finish the sentence. + +"Not all because Mrs. Denbigh came to tea here," replied Mrs. +Bradshaw. + +"Why, what else could he be thanking her for? What has she done?" +asked Jemima, stimulated to curiosity by her mother's hesitating +manner. + +"I don't know if I ought to tell you," said Mrs. Bradshaw. + +"Oh, very well!" said Jemima, rather annoyed. + +"Nay, dear! your papa never said I was not to tell; perhaps I +may." + +"Never mind; I don't want to hear," in a piqued tone. + +There was silence for a little while. Jemima was trying to think +of something else, but her thoughts would revert to the wonder +what Mrs. Denbigh could have done for her father. + +"I think I may tell you, though," said Mrs. Bradshaw, half +questioning. Jemima had the honour not to urge any confidence, +but she was too curious to take any active step towards +repressing it. + +Mrs. Bradshaw went on--"I think you deserve to know. It is partly +your doing that papa is so pleased with Mrs. Denbigh. He is going +to buy her a silk gown this morning, and I think you ought to +know why." + +"Why?" asked Jemima. + +"Because papa is so pleased to find that you mind what she says." + +"I mind what she says! To be sure I do, and always did. But why +should papa give her a gown for that? I think he ought to give it +me rather," said Jemima, half laughing. + +"I am sure he would, dear; he will give you one, I am certain, if +you want one. He was so pleased to see you like your old self to +Mr. Farquhar last night. We neither of us could think what had +come over you this last month; but now all seems right." + +A dark cloud came over Jemima's face. She did not like this close +observation and constant comment upon her manners; and what had +Ruth to do with it? + +"I am glad you were pleased," said she, very coldly. Then, after +a pause, she added, "But you have not told me what Mrs. Denbigh +had to do with my good behaviour." + +"Did not she speak to you about it?" asked Mrs. Bradshaw, looking +up. + +"No. Why should she? She has no right to criticise what I do. She +would not be so impertinent," said Jemima, feeling very +uncomfortable and suspicious. + +"Yes, love! she would have had a right, for papa had desired her +to do it." + +"Papa desired her! What do you mean, mamma?" + +"Oh dear! I dare say I should not have told you," said Mrs. +Bradshaw, perceiving, from Jemima's tone of voice, that something +had gone wrong. "Only you spoke as if it would be impertinent in +Mrs. Denbigh, and I am sure she would not. do anything that was +impertinent. You know, it would be but right for her to do what +papa told her; and he said a great deal to her, the other day, +about finding out why you were so cross, and bringing you right. +And you are right now, dear!" said Mrs. Bradshaw soothingly, +thinking that Jemima was annoyed (like a good child) at the +recollection of how naughty she had been. + +"Then papa is going to give Mrs. Denbigh a gown because I was +civil to Mr. Farquhar last night?" + +"Yes, dear!" said Mrs. Bradshaw, more and more frightened at +Jemima's angry manner of speaking--low-toned, but very indignant. + +Jemima remembered, with smouldered anger, Ruth's pleading way of +wiling her from her sullenness the night before. Management +everywhere! but in this case it was peculiarly revolting; so much +so, that she could hardly bear to believe that the seemingly +transparent Ruth had lent herself to it. + +"Are you sure, mamma, that papa asked Mrs. Denbigh to make me +behave differently? It seems so strange." + +"I am quite sure. He spoke to her last Friday morning in the +study. I remember it was Friday, because Mrs. Dean was working +here." + +Jemima remembered now that she had gone into the schoolroom on +the Friday, and found her sisters lounging about, and wondering +what papa could possibly want with Mrs. Denbigh. + +After this conversation Jemima repulsed all Ruth's timid efforts +to ascertain the cause of her disturbance, and to help her if she +could. Ruth's tender, sympathising manner, as she saw Jemima +daily looking more wretched, was distasteful to the latter in the +highest degree. She could not say that Mrs. Denbigh's conduct was +positively wrong--it might even be quite right; but it was +inexpressibly repugnant to her to think of her father consulting +with a stranger (a week ago she almost considered Ruth as a +sister) how to manage his daughter, so as to obtain the end he +wished for; yes, even if that end was for her own good. + +She was thankful and glad to see a brown paper parcel lying on +the hall-table, with a note in Ruth's handwriting, addressed to +her father. She knew what it was, the grey silk dress. That she +was sure Ruth would never accept. No one henceforward could +induce Jemima to enter into conversation with Mr. Farquhar. She +suspected manoeuvring in the simplest actions, and was miserable +in this constant state of suspicion. She would not allow herself +to like Mr. Farquhar, even when he said things the most after her +own heart. She heard him, one evening, talking with her father +about the principles of trade. Her father stood out for the +keenest, sharpest work, consistent with honesty; if he had not +been her father, she would, perhaps, have thought some of his +sayings inconsistent with true Christian honesty. He was for +driving hard bargains, exacting interest and payment of just +bills to a day. That was (he said) the only way in which trade +could be conducted. once allow a margin of uncertainty, or where +feelings, instead of maxims, were to be the guide, and all hope +of there ever being any good men of business was ended. + +"Suppose a delay of a month in requiring payment might save a +man's credit--prevent his becoming a bankrupt?" put in Mr. +Farquhar. + +"I would not give it him. I would let him have money to set up +again as soon as he had passed the Bankruptcy Court; if he never +passed, I might, in some cases, make him an allowance; but I +would always keep my justice and my charity separate." + +"And yet charity (in your sense of the word) degrades; justice, +tempered with mercy and consideration, elevates." + +"That is not justice--justice is certain and inflexible. No! Mr. +Farquhar, you must not allow any Quixotic notions to mingle with +your conduct as a tradesman." + +And so they went on; Jemima's face glowing with sympathy in all +Mr. Farquhar said; till once, on looking up suddenly with +sparkling eyes, she saw a glance of her father's, which told her, +as plain as words can say, that he was watching the effect of Mr. +Farquhar's speeches upon his daughter. She was chilled +thenceforward; she thought her father prolonged the argument, in +order to call out those sentiments which he knew would most +recommend his partner to his daughter. She would so fain have let +herself love Mr. Farquhar; but this constant manoeuvring, in +which she did not feel clear that he did not take a passive part, +made her sick at heart. She even wished that they might not go +through the form of pretending to try to gain her consent to the +marriage, if it involved all this premeditated action and +speech-making--such moving about of every one into their right +places, like pieces at chess. She felt as if she would rather be +bought openly, like an Oriental daughter, where no one is +degraded in their own eyes by being parties to such a contract. +The consequences of all this "admirable management" of Mr. +Bradshaw's would have been very unfortunate to Mr. Farquhar (who +was innocent of all connivance in any of the plots--indeed would +have been as much annoyed at them as Jemima, had he been aware of +them), but that the impression made upon him by Ruth on the +evening I have so lately described was deepened by the contrast +which her behaviour made to Miss Bradshaw's on one or two more +recent occasions. + +There was no use, he thought, in continuing attentions so +evidently distasteful to Jemima. To her, a young girl hardly out +of the schoolroom; he probably appeared like an old man; and he +might even lose the friendship with which she used to regard him, +and which was, and ever would be, very dear to him, if he +persevered in trying to be considered as a lover. He should +always feel affectionately towards her; her very faults gave her +an interest in his eyes, for which he had blamed himself most +conscientiously and most uselessly when he was looking upon her +as his future wife, but which the said conscience would learn to +approve of when she sank down to the place of a young friend, +over whom he might exercise a good and salutary interest. Mrs. +Denbigh, if not many months older in years, had known sorrow and +cares so early that she was much older in character. Besides, her +shy reserve, and her quiet daily walk within the lines of duty, +were much in accordance with Mr. Farquhar's notion of what a wife +should be. Still, it was a wrench to take his affections away +from Jemima. If she had not helped him to do so by every means in +her power, he could never have accomplished it. + +Yes! by every means in her power had Jemima alienated her lover, +her beloved--for so he was in fact. And now her quick-sighted +eyes saw he was gone for ever--past recall: for did not her +jealous, sore heart feel, even before he himself was conscious of +the fact, that he was drawn towards sweet, lovely, composed, and +dignified Ruth--one who always thought before she spoke (as Mr. +Farquhar used to bid Jemima do)--who never was tempted by sudden +impulse, but walked the world calm and self-governed. What now +availed Jemima's reproaches, as she remembered the days when he +had watched her with earnest, attentive eyes, as he now watched +Ruth; and the times since, when, led astray by her morbid fancy, +she had turned away from all his advances! + +"It was only in March--last March, he called me 'dear Jemima.' +Ah! don't I remember it well? The pretty nosegay of greenhouse +flowers that he gave me in exchange for the wild daffodils--and +how he seemed to care for the flowers I gave him--and how he +looked at me, and thanked me--that is all gone and over now." + +Her sisters came in bright and glowing. + +"O Jemima, how nice and cool you are, sitting in this shady +room!" (she had felt it even chilly). "We have been such a long +walk! We are so tired. It is so hot." + +"Why did you go, then?" said she. + +"Oh! we wanted to go. We would not have stayed at home on any +account. It has been so pleasant," said Mary. + +"We've been to Scaurside Wood, to gather wild strawberries," said +Elizabeth. + +"Such a quantity! We've left a whole basketful in the dairy. Mr. +Farquhar says he'll teach us how to dress them in the way he +learnt in Germany, if we can get him some hock. Do you think papa +will let us have some?" + +"Was Mr. Farquhar with you?" asked Jemima, a dull light coming +into her eyes. + +"Yes; we told him this morning that mamma wanted us to take some +old linen to the lame man at Scaurside Farm, and that we meant to +coax Mrs. Denbigh to let us go into the wood and gather +strawberries," said Elizabeth. + +"I thought he would make some excuse and come," said the +quick-witted Mary, as eager and thoughtless an observer of one +love-affair as of another, and quite forgetting that, not many +weeks ago, she had fancied an attachment between him and Jemima. + +"Did you? I did not," replied Elizabeth. "At least I never +thought about it. I was quite startled when I heard his horse's +feet behind us on the road." + +"He said he was going to the farm, and could take our basket. Was +it not kind of him?" Jemima did not answer, so Mary continued-- + +"You know it's a great pull up to the farm, and we were so hot +already. The road was quite white and baked; it hurt my eyes +terribly. I was so glad when Mrs. Denbigh said we might turn into +the wood. The light was quite green there, the branches are so +thick overhead." + +"And there are whole beds of wild strawberries," said Elizabeth, +taking up the tale now Mary was out of breath. Mary fanned +herself with her bonnet, while Elizabeth went on-- + +"You know where the grey rock crops out, don't you, Jemima? Well, +there was a complete carpet of strawberry-runners. So pretty! And +we could hardly step without treading the little bright scarlet +berries under foot." + +"We did so wish for Leonard," put in Mary. + +"Yes! but Mrs. Denbigh gathered a great many for him. And Mr. +Farquhar gave her all his." + +"I thought you said he bad gone on to Dawson's farm," said +Jemima. + +"Oh yes! he just went up there; and then he left his horse there, +like a wise man, and came to us in the pretty, cool, green wood. +O Jemima! it was so pretty-little flecks of light coming down +here and there through the leaves, and quivering on the ground. +You must go with us to-morrow." + +"Yes," said Mary, "we're going again to-morrow. We could not +gather nearly all the strawberries." + +"And Leonard is to go too, to-morrow." + +"Yes! we thought of such a capital plan. That's to say, Mr. +Farquhar thought of it--we wanted to carry Leonard up the hill in +a king's cushion, but Mrs. Denbigh would not hear of it." + +"She said it would tire us so; and yet she wanted him to gather +strawberries!" + +"And so," interrupted Mary, for by this time the two girls were +almost speaking together, "Mr. Farquhar is to bring him up before +him on his horse." + +"You'll go with us, won't you, dear Jemima?" asked Elizabeth: "it +will be at----" + +"No! I can't go," said Jemima abruptly. "Don't ask me--I can't." + +The little girls were hushed into silence by her manner; for +whatever she might be to those above her in age and position, to +those below her Jemima was almost invariably gentle She felt that +they were wondering at her. + +"Go upstairs and take off your things. You know papa does not +like you to come into this room in the shoes in which you have +been out." + +She was glad to out her sisters short in the details which they +were so mercilessly inflicting--details which she must harden +herself to, before she could hear them quietly and unmoved. She +saw that she had lost her place as the first object in Mr. +Farquhar's eyes--a position she had hardly cared for while she +was secure in the enjoyment of it; but the charm of it now was +redoubled, in her acute sense of how she had forfeited it by her +own doing, and her own fault. For if he were the cold, +calculating man her father had believed him to be, and had +represented him as being to her, would he care for a portionless +widow in humble circumstances like Mrs. Denbigh--no money, no +connection, encumbered with her boy? The very action which proved +Mr. Farquhar to be lost to Jemima reinstated him on his throne in +her fancy. And she must go on in hushed quietness, quivering with +every fresh token of his preference for another? That other, too, +one so infinitely more worthy of him than herself; so that she +could not have even the poor comfort of thinking that he had no +discrimination, and was throwing himself away on a common or +worthless person. Ruth was beautiful, gentle, good, and +conscientious. The hot colour flushed up into Jemima's sallow +face as she became aware that, even while she acknowledged these +excellences on Mrs. Denbigh's part, she hated her. The +recollection of her marble face wearied her even to sickness; the +tones of her low voice were irritating from their very softness. +Her goodness, undoubted as it was, was more distasteful than many +faults which had more savour of human struggle in them. + +"What was this terrible demon in her heart?" asked Jemima's +better angel. "Was she, indeed, given up to possession? Was not +this the old stinging hatred which had prompted so many crimes? +The hatred of all sweet virtues which might win the love denied +to us? The old anger that wrought in the elder brother's heart, +till it ended in the murder of the gentle Abel, while yet the +world was young?" + +"O God! help me! I did not know I was so wicked," cried Jemima +aloud in her agony. It had been a terrible glimpse into the dark, +lurid gulf--the capability for evil, in her heart. She wrestled +with the demon, but he would not depart: it was to be a struggle +whether or not she was to be given up to him, in this her time of +sore temptation. + +All the next day long she sat and pictured the happy +strawberry-gathering going on, even then, in pleasant Scaurside +Wood. Every touch of fancy which could heighten her idea of their +enjoyment, and of Mr. Farquhar's attention to the blushing, +conscious Ruth--every such touch which would add a pang to her +self-reproach and keen jealousy, was added by her imagination. +She got up and walked about, to try and stop her over-busy fancy +by bodily exercise. But she had eaten little all day, and was +weak and faint in the intense heat of the sunny garden. Even the +long grass-walk under the filbert-hedge was parched and dry in +the glowing August sun. Yet her sisters found her there when they +returned, walking quickly up and down, as if to warm herself on +some winter's day. They were very weary; and not half so +communicative as on the day before, now that Jemima was craving +for every detail to add to her agony. + +"Yes! Leonard came up before Mr. Farquhar. Oh! how hot it is, +Jemima! Do sit down, and I'll tell you about it, but I can't if +you keep walking so." + +"I can't sit still to-day," said Jemima, springing up from the +turf as soon as she had sat down. "Tell me! I can hear you while +I walk about." + +"Oh! but I can't shout; I can hardly speak, I am so tired. Mr. +Farquhar brought Leonard----" + +"You've told me that before," said Jemima sharply. + +"Well, I don't know what else to tell. Somebody had been since +yesterday, and gathered nearly all the strawberries off the grey +rock. Jemima! Jemima!" said Elizabeth faintly, "I am so dizzy--I +think I am ill." + +The next minute the tired girl lay swooning on the grass. It was +an outlet for Jemima's fierce energy. With a strength she had +never again, and never had known before, she lifted up her +fainting sister, and, bidding Mary run and clear the way, she +carried her in through the open garden-door, up the wide +old-fashioned stairs, and laid her on the bed in her own room, +where the breeze from the window came softly and pleasantly +through the green shade of the vine-leaves and jessamine. + +"Give me the water. Run for mamma, Mary," said Jemima, as she saw +that the fainting-fit did not yield to the usual remedy of a +horizontal position and the water-sprinkling. + +"Dear! dear Lizzie!" said Jemima, kissing the pale, unconscious +face. "I think you loved me, darling." + +The long walk on the hot day had been too much for the delicate +Elizabeth, who was fast outgrowing her strength. It was many days +before she regained any portion of her spirit and vigour. After +that fainting-fit she lay listless and weary, without appetite or +interest, through the long sunny autumn weather, on the bed or on +the couch in Jemima's room, whither she had been carried at +first. It was a comfort to Mrs. Bradshaw to be able at once to +discover what it was that had knocked up Elizabeth; she did not +rest easily until she had settled upon a cause for every ailment +or illness in the family. It was a stern consolation to Mr. +Bradshaw, during his time of anxiety respecting his daughter, to +be able to blame somebody. He could not, like his wife, have +taken comfort from an inanimate fact; he wanted the satisfaction +of feeling that some one had been in fault, or else this never +could have happened. Poor Ruth did not need his implied +reproaches. When she saw her gentle Elizabeth lying feeble and +languid, her heart blamed her for thoughtlessness so severely as +to make her take all Mr. Bradshaw's words and hints as too light +censure for the careless way in which, to please her own child, +she had allowed her two pupils to fatigue themselves with such +long walks. She begged hard to take her share of nursing. Every +spare moment she went to Mr. Bradshaw's, and asked, with earnest +humility, to be allowed to pass them with Elizabeth; and, as it +was often a relief to have her assistance, Mrs. Bradshaw received +these entreaties very kindly, and desired her to go upstairs, +where Elizabeth's pale countenance brightened when she saw her, +but where Jemima sat in silent annoyance that her own room was +now become open ground for one, whom her heart rose up against, +to enter in and be welcomed. Whether it was that Ruth, who was +not an inmate of the house, brought with her a fresher air, more +change of thought to the invalid, I do not know, but Elizabeth +always gave her a peculiarly tender greeting; and if she had sunk +down into languid fatigue, in spite of all Jemima's endeavours to +interest her, she roused up into animation when Ruth came in with +a flower, a book, or a brown and ruddy pear, sending out the warm +fragrance it retained from the sunny garden-wall at Chapel-house. + +The jealous dislike which Jemima was allowing to grow up in her +heart against Ruth was, as she thought, never shown in word or +deed. She was cold in manner, because she could not be +hypocritical; but her words were polite and kind in purport; and +she took pains to make her actions the same as formerly. But rule +and line may measure out the figure of a man; it is the soul that +gives it life; and there was no soul, no inner meaning, breathing +out in Jemima's actions. Ruth felt the change acutely. She +suffered from it some time before she ventured to ask what had +occasioned it. One day she took Miss Bradshaw by surprise, when +they were alone together for a few minutes, by asking her if she +had vexed her in any way, she was so changed. It is sad when +friendship has cooled so far as to render such a question +necessary. Jemima went rather paler than usual, and then made +answer-- + +"Changed! How do you mean? How am I changed? What do I say or do +different from what I used to do?" + +But the tone was so constrained and cold, that Ruth's heart sank +within her. She knew now, as well as words could have told her, +that not only had the old feeling of love passed away from +Jemima, but that it had gone unregretted, and no attempt had been +made to recall it. Love was very precious to Ruth now, as of old +time. It was one of the faults of her nature to be ready to make +any sacrifices for those who loved her, and to value affection +almost above its price. She had yet to learn the lesson, that it +is more blessed to love than to be beloved; and, lonely as the +impressible years of her youth had been--without parents, without +brother or sister--it was, perhaps, no wonder that she clung +tenaciously to every symptom of regard, and could not relinquish +the love of any one without a pang. + +The doctor who was called in to Elizabeth prescribed sea-air as +the best means of recruiting her strength. Mr. Bradshaw (who +liked to spend money ostentatiously) went down straight to +Abermouth, and engaged a house for the remainder of the autumn; +for, as he told the medical man, money was no object to him in +comparison with his children's health; and the doctor cared too +little about the mode in which his remedy was administered to +tell Mr. Bradshaw that lodgings would have done as well, or +better, than the complete house he had seen fit to take. For it +was now necessary to engage servants, and take much trouble, +which might have been obviated, and Elizabeth's removal effected +more quietly and speedily, if she had gone into lodgings. As it +was, she was weary of hearing all the planning and talking, and +deciding, and undeciding, and redeciding, before it was possible +for her to go. Her only comfort was in the thought that dear Mrs. +Denbigh was to go with her. + +It had not been entirely by way of pompously spending his money +that Mr. Bradshaw had engaged this seaside house. He was glad to +get his little girls and their governess out of the way; for a +busy time was impending, when he should want his head clear for +electioneering purposes, and his house clear for electioneering +hospitality. He was the mover of a project for bringing forward a +man on the Liberal and Dissenting interest, to contest the +election with the old Tory member, who had on several successive +occasions walked over the course, as he and his family owned half +the town, and votes and rent were paid alike to the landlord. + +Kings of Eccleston had Mr. Cranworth and his ancestors been this +many a long year; their right was so little disputed that they +never thought of acknowledging the allegiance so readily paid to +them. The old feudal feeling between land-owner and tenant did +not quake prophetically at the introduction of manufactures; the +Cranworth family ignored the growing power of the manufacturers, +more especially as the principal person engaged in the trade was +a Dissenter. But notwithstanding this lack of patronage from the +one great family in the neighbourhood, the business flourished, +increased, and spread wide; and the Dissenting head thereof +looked around, about the time of which I speak, and felt himself +powerful enough to defy the great Granworth interest even in +their hereditary stronghold, and, by so doing, avenge the slights +of many years--slights which rankled in Mr. Bradshaw's mind as +much as if he did not go to chapel twice every Sunday, and pay +the largest pew-rent of any member of Mr. Benson's congregation. + +Accordingly, Mr. Bradshaw bad applied to one of the Liberal +parliamentary agents in London--a man whose only principle was to +do wrong on the Liberal side; he would not act, right or wrong, +for a Tory, but for a Whig the latitude of his conscience had +never yet been discovered. It was possible Mr. Bradshaw was not +aware of the character of this agent; at any rate, he knew he was +the man for his purpose, which was to hear of some one who would +come forward as a candidate for the representation of Eccleston +on the Dissenting interest. + +"There are in round numbers about six hundred voters," said he; +"two hundred are decidedly in the Cranworth interest--dare not +offend Mr. Cranworth, poor souls! Two hundred more we may +calculate upon as pretty certain--factory hands, or people +connected with our trade in some way or another--who are +indignant at the stubborn way in which Cranworth has contested +the right of water; two hundred are doubtful." + +"Don't much care either way," said the parliamentary agent. "Of +course, we must make them care." + +Mr. Bradshaw rather shrank from the knowing look with which this +was said. He hoped that Mr. Pilson did not mean to allude to +bribery; but he did not express this hope, because he thought it +would deter the agent from using this means, and it was possible +it might prove to be the only way. And if he (Mr. Bradshaw) once +embarked on such an enterprise, there must be no failure. By some +expedient or another, success must be certain, or he could have +nothing to do with it. The parliamentary agent was well +accustomed to deal with all kinds and shades of scruples. He was +most at home with men who had none; but still he could allow for +human weakness; and he perfectly understood Mr. Bradshaw. + +"I have a notion I know of a man who will just suit your purpose. +Plenty of money--does not know what to do with it, in fact--tired +of yachting, travelling; wants something new. I heard, through +some of the means of intelligence I employ, that not very long +ago he was wishing for a seat in Parliament." + +"A Liberal?" said Mr. Bradshaw. + +"Decidedly. Belongs to a family who were in the Long parliament +in their day." Mr. Bradshaw rubbed his hands. + +"Dissenter?" asked he. + +"No, no! Not so far as that. But very lax Church." + +"What is his name?" asked Mr. Bradshaw eagerly. + +"Excuse me. Until I am certain that he would like to come forward +for Eccleston, I think I had better not mention his name." + +The anonymous gentleman did like to come forward, and his name +proved to be Donne. He and Mr. Bradshaw had been in +correspondence during all the time of Mr. Ralph Cranworth's +illness; and when he died, everything was arranged ready for a +start, even before the Cranworths had determined who should keep +the seat warm till the eldest son came of age, for the father was +already member for the county. Mr. Donne was to come down to +canvass in person, and was to take up his abode at Mr. +Bradshaw's; and therefore it was that the seaside house, within +twenty miles' distance of Eccleston, was found to be so +convenient as an infirmary and nursery for those members of his +family who were likely to be useless, if not positive +encumbrances, during the forthcoming election. + + +CHAPTER XXII + + +THE LIBERAL CANDIDATE AND HIS PRECURSOR + +Jemima did not know whether she wished to go to Abermouth or not. +She longed for change. She wearied of the sights and sounds of +home. But yet she could not bear to leave the neighbourhood of +Mr. Farquhar; especially as, if she went to Abermouth, Ruth would +in all probability be left to take her holiday at home. When Mr. +Bradshaw decided that she was to go, Ruth tried to feel glad that +he gave her the means of repairing her fault towards Elizabeth; +and she resolved to watch over the two girls most faithfully and +carefully, and to do all in her power to restore the invalid to +health. But a tremor came over her whenever she thought of +leaving Leonard; she had never quitted him for a day, and it +seemed to her as if her brooding, constant care was his natural +and necessary shelter from all evils--from very death itself. She +would not go to sleep at nights, in order to enjoy the blessed +consciousness of having him near her; when she was away from him +teaching her pupils, she kept trying to remember his face, and +print it deep on her heart, against the time when days and days +would elapse without her seeing that little darling countenance. +Miss Benson would wonder to her brother that Mr. Bradshaw did not +propose that Leonard should accompany his mother; he only begged +her not to put such an idea into Ruth's head, as he was sure Mr. +Bradshaw had no thoughts of doing any such thing, yet to Ruth it +might be a hope, and then a disappointment. His sister scolded +him for being so cold-hearted; but he was full of sympathy, +although he did not express it, and made some quiet little +sacrifices in order to set himself at liberty to take Leonard a +long walking expedition on the day when his mother left +Eccleston. Ruth cried until she could cry no longer, and felt +very much ashamed of herself as she saw the grave and wondering +looks of her pupils, whose only feeling on leaving home was +delight at the idea of Abermouth, and into whose minds the +possibility of death to any of their beloved ones never entered. +Ruth dried her eyes, and spoke cheerfully as soon as she caught +the perplexed expression of their faces; and by the time they +arrived at Abermouth she was as much delighted with all the new +scenery as they were, and found it hard work to resist their +entreaties to go rambling out on the sea-shore at once; but +Elizabeth had undergone more fatigue that day than she had had +before for many weeks, and Ruth was determined to be prudent. + +Meanwhile, the Bradshaws' house at Eccleston was being rapidly +adapted for electioneering hospitality. The partition-wall +between the unused drawing-room and the schoolroom was broken +down, in order to admit of folding-doors; the "ingenious" +upholsterer of the town (and what town does not boast of the +upholsterer full of contrivances and resources, in opposition to +the upholsterer of steady capital and no imagination, who looks +down with uneasy contempt on ingenuity?) had come in to give his +opinion, that "nothing could be easier than to convert a bathroom +into a bedroom, by the assistance of a little drapery to conceal +the shower-bath," the string of which was to be carefully +concealed, for fear that the unconscious occupier of the bath-bed +might innocently take it for a bell-rope. The professional cook +of the town had been already engaged to take up her abode for a +month at Mr. Bradshaw's, much to the indignation of Betsy, who +became a vehement partisan of Mr. Cranworth, as soon as ever she +heard of the plan of her deposition from sovereign authority in +the kitchen, in which she had reigned supreme for fourteen years. +Mrs. Bradshaw sighed and bemoaned herself in all her leisure +moments, which were not many, and wondered why their house was to +be turned into an inn for this Mr. Donne, when everybody knew +that the "George" was good enough for the Cranworths, who never +thought of asking the electors to the Hall;--and they had lived +at Cranworth ever since Julius Caesar's time, and if that was not +being an old family, she did not know what was. The excitement +soothed Jemima. There was something to do. It was she who planned +with the upholsterer; it was she who soothed Betsy into angry +silence; it was she who persuaded her mother to lie down and +rest, while she herself went out to buy the heterogeneous things +required to make the family and house presentable to Mr. Donne +and his precursor--the friend of the parliamentary agent. This +latter gentleman never appeared himself on the scene of action, +but pulled all the strings notwithstanding. The friend was a Mr. +Hickson, a lawyer--a briefless barrister, some people called him; +but he himself professed a great disgust to the law, as a "great +sham," which involved an immensity of underhand action, and +truckling, and time-serving, and was perfectly encumbered by +useless forms and ceremonies, and dead obsolete words. So, +instead of putting his shoulder to the wheel to reform the law, +he talked eloquently against it, in such a high-priest style, +that it was occasionally a matter of surprise how ho could ever +have made a friend of the parliamentary agent before mentioned. +But, as Mr. Hickson himself said, it was the very corruptness of +the law which he was fighting against, in doing all he could to +effect the return of certain members to Parliament; these certain +members being pledged to effect a reform in the law, according to +Mr. Hickson. And, as he once observed confidentially, "If you had +to destroy a hydra-headed monster, would you measure swords with +the demon as if he were a gentleman? Would you not rather seize +the first weapon that came to hand? And so do I. My great object +in life, sir, is to reform the law of England, sir. Once get a +majority of Liberal members into the House, and the thing is +done. And I consider myself justified, for so high--for, I may +say, so holy--an end, in using men's weaknesses to work out my +purpose. Of course, if men were angels, or even immaculate--men +invulnerable to bribes, we would not bribe." + +"Could you?" asked Jemima, for the conversation took place at Mr. +Bradshaw's dinner-table, where a few friends were gathered +together to meet Mr. Hickson; and among them was Mr. Benson. + +"We neither would nor could," said the ardent barrister, +disregarding in his vehemence the point of the question, and +floating on over the bar of argument into the wide ocean of his +own eloquence: "As it is--as the world stands, they who would +succeed even in good deeds must come down to the level of +expediency; and therefore, I say once more, if Mr. Donne is the +man for your purpose, and your purpose is a good one, a lofty +one, a holy one" (for Mr. Hickson remembered the Dissenting +character of his little audience, and privately considered the +introduction of the word "holy" a most happy hit), "then, I say, +we must put all the squeamish scruples which might befit Utopia, +or some such place, on one side and treat men as they are. If +they are avaricious, it is not we who have made them so; but as +we have to do with them, we must consider their failings in +dealing with them; if they have been careless or extravagant, or +have had their little peccadilloes, we must administer the screw. +The glorious reform of the law will justify, in my idea, all +means to obtain the end--that law, from the profession of which I +have withdrawn myself from perhaps a too scrupulous conscience!" +he concluded softly to himself. + +"We are not to do evil that good my come," said Mr. Benson. He +was startled at the deep sound of his own voice as he uttered +these words; but he had not been speaking for some time, and his +voice came forth strong and unmodulated. + +"True, sir; most true," said Mr. Hickson, bowing. "I honour you +for the observation." And he profited by it, insomuch that he +confined his further remarks on elections to the end of the +table, where he sat near Mr. Bradshaw, and one or two equally +eager, though not equally influential, partisans of Mr. Donne's. +Meanwhile Mr. Farquhar took up Mr. Benson's quotation, at the end +where he and Jemima sat near to Mrs. Bradshaw and him. + +"But in the present state of the world, as Mr. Hickson says, it +is rather difficult to act upon that precept." + +"Oh, Mr. Farquhar!" said Jemima indignantly, the tears springing +to her eyes with a feeling of disappointment. For she had been +chafing under all that Mr. Hickson had been saying, perhaps the +more for one or two attempts on his part at flirtation with the +daughter of his wealthy host, which she resented with all the +loathing of a preoccupied heart; and she had longed to be a man, +to speak out her wrath at this paltering with right and wrong. +She had felt grateful to Mr. Benson for his one clear, short +precept, coming down with a divine' force against which there was +no appeal; and now to have Mr. Farquhar taking the side of +expediency! It was too bad. + +"Nay, Jemima!" said Mr. Farquhar, touched, and secretly flattered +by the visible pain his speech bad given. "Don't be indignant +with me till I have explained myself a little more. I don't +understand myself yet; and it is a very intricate question, or so +it appears to me, which I was going to put, really, earnestly, +and humbly, for Mr. Benson's opinion. Now, Mr. Benson, may I ask +if you always find it practicable to act strictly in accordance +with that principle? For if you do not, I am sure no man living +can. Are there not occasions when it is absolutely necessary to +wade through evil to good? I am not speaking in the careless, +presumptuous way of that man yonder," said he, lowering his +voice, and addressing himself to Jemima more exclusively; "I am +really anxious to hear what Mr. Benson will say on the subject, +for I know no one to whose candid opinion I should attach more +weight." + +But Mr. Benson was silent. He did not see Mrs. Bradshaw and +Jemima leave the room. He was really, as Mr. Farquhar supposed +him, completely absent, questioning himself as to how far his +practice tallied with his principle. By degrees he came to +himself; he found the conversation still turned on the election; +and Mr. Hickson, who felt that he had jarred against the little +minister's principles, and yet knew, from the carte du pays which +the scouts of the parliamentary agent had given him, that Mr. +Benson was a person to be conciliated, on account of his +influence over many of the working-people, began to ask him +questions with an air of deferring to superior knowledge, that +almost surprised Mr. Bradshaw, who had been accustomed to treat +"Benson" in a very different fashion, of civil condescending +indulgence, just as one listens to a child who can have had no +opportunities of knowing better. + +At the end of a conversation that Mr. Hickson held with Mr. +Benson, on a subject in which the latter was really interested, +and on which he had expressed himself at some length, the young +barrister turned to Mr. Bradshaw and said very audibly-- + +"I wish Donne had been here. This conversation during the last +half-hour would have interested him almost as much as it has done +me." + +Mr. Bradshaw little guessed the truth, that Mr. Donne was, at +that very moment, coaching up the various subjects of public +interest at Eccleston, and privately cursing the particular +subject on which Mr. Benson had been holding forth, as being an +unintelligible piece of Quixotism; or the leading Dissenter of +the town need not have experienced a pang of jealousy at the +possible future admiration his minister might excite in the +possible future member for Eccleston. And if Mr. Benson had been +clairvoyant, he need not have made an especial subject of +gratitude out of the likelihood that he might have an opportunity +of so far interesting Mr. Donne in the condition of the people of +Eccleston as to induce him to set his face against any attempts +at bribery. + +Mr. Benson thought of this half the night through; and ended by +determining to write a sermon on the Christian view of political +duties, which might be good for all, both electors and member, to +hear on the eve of an election. For Mr. Donne was expected at Mr. +Bradshaw's before the next Sunday; and, of course, as Mr. and +Miss Benson had settled it, he would appear at the chapel with +them on that day. But the stinging conscience refused to be +quieted. No present plan of usefulness allayed the aching +remembrance of the evil he had done that good might come. Not +even the look of Leonard, as the early dawn fell on him, and Mr. +Benson's sleepless eyes saw the rosy glow on his firm, round +cheeks; his open mouth, through which the soft, long-drawn breath +came gently quivering; and his eyes not fully shut, but closed to +outward sight--not even the aspect of the quiet, innocent child +could soothe the troubled spirit. + +Leonard and his mother dreamt of each other that night. Her dream +of him was one of undefined terror--terror so great that it +wakened her up, and she strove not to sleep again, for fear that +ominous, ghastly dream should return. He, on the contrary, dreamt +of her sitting watching and smiling by his bedside, as her gentle +self had been many a morning; and when she saw him awake (so it +fell out in the dream), she smiled still more sweetly, and +bending down she kissed him, and then spread out large, soft, +white-feathered wings (which in no way surprised her child--he +seemed to have known they were there all along), and sailed away +through the open window far into the blue sky of a summer's day. +Leonard wakened up then, and remembered how far away she really +was--far more distant and inaccessible than the beautiful blue +sky to which she had betaken herself in his dream--and cried +himself to sleep again. + +In spite of her absence from her child, which made one great and +abiding sorrow, Ruth enjoyed her seaside visit exceedingly. In +the first place, there was the delight of seeing Elizabeth's +daily and almost hourly improvement. Then, at the doctor's +express orders, there were so few lessons to be done, that there +was time for the long exploring rambles, which all three +delighted in. And when the rain came on and the storms blew, the +house, with its wild sea-views, was equally delightful. + +It was a large house, built on the summit of a rock, which nearly +overhung the shore below; there was, to be sure, a series of +zig-zag tacking paths down the face of this rock, but from the +house they could not he seen. Old or delicate people would have +considered the situation bleak and exposed; indeed, the present +proprietor wanted to dispose of it on this very account; but by +its present inhabitants this exposure and bleakness were called +by other names, and considered as charms. From every part of the +rooms they saw the grey storms gather on the sea-horizon, and put +themselves in marching array; and soon the march became a sweep, +and the great dome of the heavens was covered with the lurid +clouds, between which and the vivid green earth below there +seemed to come a purple atmosphere, making the very threatening +beautiful; and by-and-by the house was wrapped in sheets of rain, +shutting out sky, and sea, and inland view; till, of a sudden, +the storm was gone by, and the heavy rain-drops, glistened in the +sun as they hung on leaf and grass, and the "little birds sang +east, and the little birds sang west," and there was a pleasant +sound of running waters all abroad. + +"Oh! if papa would but buy this house!" exclaimed Elizabeth, +after one such storm, which she had watched silently from the +very beginning of the "little cloud no bigger than a man's hand." + +"Mamma would never like it, I am afraid," said Mary. "She would +call our delicious gushes of air draughts, and think we should +catch cold." + +"Jemima would be on our side. But how long Mrs. Denbigh is! I +hope she was near enough to the post-office when the rain came +on!" + +Ruth had gone to "the shop" in the little village, about +half-a-mile distant, where all letters were left till fetched. +She only expected one, but that one was to tell her of Leonard. +She, however, received two; the unexpected one was from Mr. +Bradshaw, and the news it contained was, if possible, a greater +surprise than the letter itself. Mr. Bradshaw informed her that +he planned arriving by dinner-time the following Saturday at +Eagle's Crag; and more, that he intended bringing Mr. Donne and +one or two other gentlemen with him, to spend the Sunday there! +The letter went on to give every possible direction regarding the +household preparations. The dinner-hour was fixed to be at six; +but, of course, Ruth and the girls would have dined long before. +The (professional) cook would arrive the day before, laden with +all the provisions that could not be obtained on the spot. Ruth +was to engage a waiter from the inn, and this it was that +detained her so long. While she sat in the little parlour, +awaiting the coming of the landlady, she could not help wondering +why Mr. Bradshaw was bringing this strange gentleman to spend two +days at Abermouth, and thus giving himself so much trouble and +fuss of preparation. + +There were so many small reasons that went to make up the large +one which had convinced Mr. Bradshaw of the desirableness of this +step, that it was not likely that Ruth should guess at one-half +of them. In the first place, Miss Benson, in the pride and +fulness of her heart, had told Mrs. Bradshaw what her brother had +told her; how he meant to preach upon the Christian view of the +duties involved in political rights; and as, of course, Mrs. +Bradshaw had told Mr. Bradshaw, he began to dislike the idea of +attending chapel on that Sunday at all; for he had an +uncomfortable idea that by the Christian standard--that divine +test of the true and pure--bribery would not be altogether +approved of; and yet he was tacitly coming round to the +understanding that "packets" would be required, for what purpose +both he and Mr. Donne were to be supposed to remain ignorant. But +it would be very awkward, so near to the time, if he were to be +clearly convinced that bribery, however disguised by names and +words, was in plain terms a sin. And yet he knew Mr. Benson had +once or twice convinced him against his will of certain things, +which he had thenceforward found it impossible to do, without +such great. uneasiness of mind, that he had left off doing them, +which was sadly against his interest. And if Mr. Donne (whom he +had intended to take with him to chapel, as fair Dissenting prey) +should also become convinced, why, the Cranworths would win the +day, and he should be the laughing-stock of Eccleston. No! in +this one case bribery must be allowed--was allowable; but it was +a great pity human nature was so corrupt, and if his member +succeeded, he would double his subscription to the schools, in +order that the next generation might be taught better. There were +various other reasons, which strengthened Mr. Bradshaw in the +bright idea of going down to Abermouth for the Sunday; some +connected with the out-of-door politics, and some with the +domestic. For instance, it had been the plan of the house to have +a cold dinner on the Sunday--Mr. Bradshaw had piqued himself on +this strictness--and yet he had an instinctive feeling that Mr. +Donne was not quite the man to partake of cold meat for +conscience sake with cheerful indifference to his fare. + +Mr. Donne had, in fact, taken the Bradshaw household a little by +surprise. Before he came, Mr. Bradshaw had pleased himself with +thinking that more unlikely things had happened than the espousal +of his daughter with the member of a small borough. But this +pretty airy bubble burst as soon as he saw Mr. Donne; and its +very existence was forgotten in less than half-an-hour, when he +felt the quiet but incontestable difference of rank and standard +that there was, in every respect, between his guest and his own +family. It was not through any circumstance so palpable, and +possibly accidental, as the bringing down a servant, whom Mr. +Donne seemed to consider as much a matter of course as a +carpet-bag (though the smart gentleman's arrival "fluttered the +Volscians in Corioli" considerably more than his gentle-spoken +master's). It was nothing like this; it was something +indescribable--a quiet being at ease, and expecting every one +else to be so--an attention to women, which was so habitual as to +be unconsciously exercised to those subordinate persons in Mr. +Bradshaw's family--a happy choice of simple and expressive words, +some of which it must be confessed were slang, but fashionable +slang, and that makes all the difference--a measured, graceful +way of utterance, with a style of pronunciation quite different +to that of Eccleston. All these put together make but a part of +the indescribable whole which unconsciously affected Mr. +Bradshaw, and established Mr. Donne in his estimation as a +creature quite different to any he had seen before, and as most +unfit to mate with Jemima. Mr. Hickson, who had appeared as a +model of gentlemanly ease before Mr. Donne's arrival, now became +vulgar and coarse in Bradshaw's eyes. And yet, such was the charm +of that languid, high-bred manner, that Mr. Bradshaw "cottoned" +(as he expressed it to Mr. Farquhar) to his new candidate at +once. He was only afraid lest Mr. Donne was too indifferent to +all things under the sun to care whether he gained or lost the +election; but he was reassured after the first conversation they +had together on the subject. Mr. Donne's eye lightened with an +eagerness that was almost fierce, though his tones were as +musical, and nearly as slow, as ever; and, when Mr. Bradshaw +alluded distantly to "probable expenses" and "packets," Mr. Donne +replied-- + +"Oh, of course! disagreeable necessity! Better speak as little +about such things as possible; other people can be found to +arrange all the dirty work. Neither you nor I would like to soil +our fingers by it, I am sure. Four thousand pounds are in Mr. +Pilson's hands, and I shall never inquire what becomes of them; +they may, very probably, be absorbed in the law expenses, you +know. I shall let it be clearly understood from the hustings that +I most decidedly disapprove of bribery, and leave the rest to +Hickson's management. He is accustomed to these sort of things; I +am not." + +Mr. Bradshaw was rather perplexed by this want of bustling energy +on the part of the new candidate; and if it had not been for the +four thousand pounds aforesaid, would have doubted whether Mr. +Donne cared sufficiently for the result of the election. Jemima +thought differently. She watched her father's visitor +attentively, with something like the curious observation which a +naturalist bestows on a new species of animal. + +"Do you know what Mr. Donne reminds me of, mamma?" said she, one +day, as the two sat at work, while the gentlemen were absent +canvassing. + +"No! he is not like anybody I ever saw. He quite frightens me, by +being so ready to open the door for me if I am going out of the +room, and by giving me a chair when I come in. I never saw any +one like him. Who is it, Jemima?" + +"Not any person--not any human being, mamma," said Jemima, half +smiling. "Do you remember our stopping at Wakefield once, on our +way to Scarborough, and there were horse-races going on +somewhere, and some of the racers were in the stables at the inn +where we dined?" + +"Yes! I remember it; but what about that?" + +"Why, Richard, somehow, knew one of the jockeys, and, as we were +coming in from our ramble through the town, this man, or boy, +asked us to look at one of the racers he had the charge of." + +"Well, my dear?" + +"Well, mamma! Mr. Donne is like that horse!" + +"Nonsense, Jemima; you must not say so. I don't know what your +father would say if he heard you likening Mr. Donne to a brute." + +"Brutes are sometimes very beautiful, mamma. I am sure I should +think it a compliment to be likened to a racehorse, such as the +one we saw. But the thing in which they are alike, is the sort of +repressed eagerness in both." + +"Eager! Why, I should say there never was any one cooler than Mr. +Donne. Think of the trouble your papa has had this month past, +and then remember the slow way in which Mr. Donne moves when he +is going out to canvass, and the low, drawling voice in which he +questions the people who bring him intelligence. I can see your +papa standing by, ready to shake them to get out their news." + +"But Mr. Donne's questions are always to the point, and force out +the grain without the chaff. And look at him, if any one tells +him ill news about the election! Have you never seen a dull red +light come into his eyes? That is like my race-horse. Her flesh +quivered all over, at certain sounds and noises which had some +meaning to her; but she stood quite still, pretty creature! Now, +Mr. Donne is just as eager as she was, though he may be too proud +to show it. Though he seems so gentle, I almost think he is very +headstrong in following out his own will." + +"Well! don't call him like a horse again, for I am sure papa +would not like it. Do you know, I thought you were going to say +he was like little Leonard, when you asked me who he was like." + +"Leonard! O mamma! he is not in the least like Leonard. He is +twenty times more like my race-horse." + +"Now, my dear Jemima, do be quiet. Your father thinks racing so +wrong, that I am sure he would be very seriously displeased if he +were to hear you." + +To return to Mr. Bradshaw, and to give one more of his various +reasons for wishing to take Mr. Donne to Abermouth. The wealthy +Eccleston manufacturer was uncomfortably impressed with an +indefinable sense of inferiority to his visitor. It was not in +education, for Mr. Bradshaw was a well-educated man; it was not +in power, for, if he chose, the present object of Mr. Donne's +life might be utterly defeated; it did not arise from anything +overhearing in manner, for Mr. Donne was habitually polite and +courteous, and was just now anxious to propitiate his host, whom +he looked upon as a very useful man. Whatever this sense of +inferiority arose from, Mr. Bradshaw was anxious to relieve +himself from it, and imagined that if he could make more display +of his wealth his object would be obtained. Now, his house in +Eccleston was old-fashioned and ill-calculated to exhibit money's +worth. His mode of living, though strained to a high pitch just +at this time, he became aware was no more than Mr. Donne was +accustomed to every day of his life. The first day at dessert, +some remark (some opportune remark, as Mr. Bradshaw, in his +innocence, had thought) was made regarding the price of +pine-apples, which was rather exorbitant that year, and Mr. Donne +asked Mrs. Bradshaw, with quiet surprise, if they had no pinery, +as if to be without a pinery were indeed a depth of pitiable +destitution. In fact, Mr. Donne had been born and cradled in all +that wealth could purchase, and so had his ancestors before him +for so many generations, that refinement and luxury seemed the +natural condition of man, and they that dwelt without were in the +position of monsters. The absence was noticed; but not the +presence. + +Now, Mr. Bradshaw knew that the house and grounds of Eagle's Crag +wore exorbitantly dear, and yet he really thought of purchasing +them. And as one means of exhibiting his wealth, and so raising +himself up to the level of Mr. Donne, he thought that if he could +take the latter down to Abermouth, and show him the place for +which, "because his little girls had taken a fancy to it," he was +willing to give the fancy price of fourteen thousand pounds, he +should at last make those half-shut dreamy eyes open wide, and +their owner confess that, in wealth at least, the Eccleston +manufacturer stood on a par with him. All these mingled motives +caused the determination which made Ruth sit in the little inn +parlour of Abermouth during the wild storm's passage. + +She wondered if she had fulfilled all Mr. Bradshaw's directions. +She looked at the letter. Yes! everything was done. And now home +with her news, through the wet lane, where the little pools by +the roadside reflected the deep blue sky and the round white +clouds with even deeper blue and clearer white; and the +rain-drops hung so thick on the trees, that even a little bird's +flight was enough to shake them down in a bright shower as of +rain. When she told the news, Mary exclaimed-- + +"Oh, how charming! Then we shall see this new member after all!" +while Elizabeth added-- + +"Yes! I shall like to do that. But where must we be? Papa will +want the dining-room and this room, and where must we sit?" + +"Oh!" said Ruth, "in the dressing-room next to my room. All that +your papa wants always, is that you are quiet and out of the +way." + + +CHAPTER XXIII + + +RECOGNITION + +Saturday came. Torn, ragged clouds were driven across the sky. It +was not a becoming day for the scenery, and the little girls +regretted it much. First they hoped for a change at twelve +o'clock, and then at the afternoon tide-turning. But at neither +time did the sun show his face. + +"Papa will never buy this dear place," said Elizabeth sadly, as +she watched the weather. "The sun is everything to it. The sea +looks quite leaden to-day, and there is no sparkle on it. And the +sands, that were so yellow and sun-speckled on Thursday, are all +one dull brown now." + +"Never mind! to-morrow may be better," said Ruth cheerily. + +"I wonder what time they will come at?" inquired Mary. + +"Your papa said they would be at the station at five, o'clock. +And the landlady at the 'Swan' said it would take them +half-an-hour to get here." + +"And they are to dine at six?" asked Elizabeth. + +"Yes," answered Ruth. "And I think, if we had our tea +half-an-hour earlier, at half-past four, and then went out for a +walk, we should be nicely out of the way just during the bustle +of the arrival and dinner; and we could be in the drawing-room +ready against your papa came in after dinner." + +"Oh! that would be nice," said they; and tea was ordered +accordingly. + +The south-westerly wind had dropped, and the clouds were +stationary, when they went out on the sands. They dug little +holes near the incoming tide, and made canals to them from the +water, and blew the light sea-foam against each other; and then +stole on tiptoe near to the groups of grey and white sea-gulls, +which despised their caution, flying softly and slowly away to a +little distance as soon as they drew near. And in all this Ruth +was as great a child as any. Only she longed for Leonard with a +mother's longing, as indeed she did every day, and all hours of +the day. By-and-by the clouds thickened yet more, and one or two +drops of rain were felt. It was very little, but Ruth feared a +shower for her delicate Elizabeth, and besides, the September +evening was fast closing in the dark and sunless day. As they +turned homewards in the rapidly increasing dusk, they saw three +figures on the sand near the rocks, coming in their direction. + +"Papa and Mr. Donne!" exclaimed Mary. "Now we shall see him!" + +"Which do you make out is him?" asked Elizabeth. + +"Oh! the tall one, to be sure. Don't you see how papa always +turns to him, as if he was speaking to him, and not to the +other?" + +"Who is the other?" asked Elizabeth. + +"Mr. Bradshaw said that Mr. Farquhar and Mr. Hickson would come +with him. But that is not Mr. Farquhar, I am sure," said Ruth. + +The girls looked at each other, as they always did, when Ruth +mentioned Mr. Farquhar's name; but she was perfectly unconscious +both of the look and of the conjectures which gave rise to it. + +As soon as the two parties drew near, Mr. Bradshaw called out in +his strong voice-- + +"Well, my dears! we found there was an hour before dinner, so we +came down upon the sands, and here you are." + +The tone of his voice assured them that he was in a bland and +indulgent mood, and the two little girls ran towards him. He +kissed them, and shook hands with Ruth; told his companions that +these were the little girls who were tempting him to this +extravagance of purchasing Eagle's Crag; and then, rather +doubtfully, and because he saw that Mr. Donne expected it, he +introduced "My daughters' governess, Mrs. Denbigh." + +It was growing darker every moment, and it was time they should +hasten back to the rocks, which were even now indistinct in the +grey haze. Mr. Bradshaw held a hand of each of his daughters, and +Ruth walked alongside, the two strange gentlemen being on the +outskirts of the party. + +Mr. Bradshaw began to give his little girls some home news. He +told them that Mr. Farquhar was ill, and could not accompany +them; but Jemima and their mamma were quite well. + +The gentleman nearest to Ruth spoke to her. + +"Are you fond of the sea?" asked he. There was no answer, so he +repeated his question in a different form. + +"Do you enjoy staying by the seaside? I should rather ask." + +The reply was "Yes," rather breathed out in a deep inspiration +than spoken in a sound. The sands heaved and trembled beneath +Ruth. The figures near her vanished into strange nothingness; the +sounds of their voices were as distant sounds in a dream, while +the echo of one voice thrilled through and through. She could +have caught at his arm for support, in the awful dizziness which +wrapped her up, body and soul. That voice! No! if name, and face, +and figure were all changed, that voice was the same which had +touched her girlish heart, which had spoken most tender words of +love, which had won, and wrecked her, and which she had last +heard in the low mutterings of fever. She dared not look round to +see the figure of him who spoke, dark as it was. She knew he was +there--she heard him speak in the manner in which he used to +address strangers years ago; perhaps she answered him, perhaps +she did not--God knew. It seemed as if weights were tied to her +feet--as if the steadfast rocks receded--as if time stood +still;--it was so long, so terrible, that path across the reeling +sand. + +At the foot of the rocks they separated. Mr. Bradshaw, afraid +lest dinner should cool, preferred the shorter way for himself +and his friends. On Elizabeth's account, the girls were to take +the longer and easier path, which wound up-wards through a rocky +field, where larks' nests abounded, and where wild thyme and +heather were now throwing out their sweets to the soft night air. + +The little girls spoke in eager discussion of the strangers. They +appealed to Ruth, but Ruth did not answer, and they were too +impatient to convince each other to repeat the question. The +first little ascent from the sands td the field surmounted, Ruth +sat down suddenly and covered her face with her hands. This was +so unusual--their wishes, their good, was so invariably the rule +of motion or of rest in their walks--that the girls, suddenly +checked, stood silent and affrighted in surprise. They were still +more startled when Ruth wailed aloud some inarticulate words. + +"Are you not well, dear Mrs. Denbigh?" asked Elizabeth gently, +kneeling down on the grass by Ruth. + +She sat facing the west. The low watery twilight was on her face +as she took her hands away. So pale, so haggard, so wild and +wandering a look the girls had never seen on human countenance +before. + +"Well! what are you doing here with me? You should not be with +me," said she, shaking her head slowly. + +They looked at each other. + +"You are sadly tired," said Elizabeth soothingly. "Come home, and +let me help you to bed. I will tell papa you are ill, and ask him +to send for a doctor." Ruth looked at her as if she did not +understand the meaning of her words. No more she did at first. +But by-and-by the dulled brain began to think most vividly and +rapidly, and she spoke in a sharp way which deceived the girls +into a belief that nothing had been the matter. + +"Yes! I was tired. I am tired. Those sands--oh! those +sands,--those weary, dreadful sands! But that is all over now. +Only my heart aches still. Feel how it flutters and beats," said +she, taking Elizabeth's hand, and holding it to her side. "I am +quite well, though," she continued, reading pity in the child's +looks, as she felt the trembling, quivering beat. "We will go +straight to the dressing-room, and read a chapter; that will +still my heart; and then I'll go to bed, and Mr. Bradshaw will +excuse me, I know, this one night. I only ask for one night. Put +on your right frocks, dears, and do all you ought to do. But I +know you will" said she, bending down to kiss Elizabeth, and +then, before she had done so, raising her head abruptly, "You are +good and dear girls--God keep you so!" + +By a strong effort at self-command, she went onwards at an even +pace, neither rushing nor pausing to sob and think. The very +regularity of motion calmed her. The front and back doors of the +house were on two sides, at right angles with each other. They +all shrank a little from the idea of going in at the front door, +now that the strange gentlemen were about, and, accordingly, they +went through the quiet farmyard right into the bright, ruddy +kitchen, where the servants were dashing about with the +dinner-things. It was a contrast in more than colour to the +lonely, dusky field, which even the little girls perceived; and +the noise, the warmth, the very bustle of the servants, were a +positive relief to Ruth, and for the time lifted off the heavy +press of pent-up passion. A silent house, with moonlit rooms, or +with a faint gloom brooding over the apartments, would have been +more to be dreaded. Then, she must have given way, and cried out. +As it was, she went up the old awkward back-stairs, and into the +room they were to sit in. There was no candle. Mary volunteered +to go down for one; and when she returned she was full of the +wonders of preparation in the drawing-room, and ready and eager +to dress, so as to take her place there before the gentlemen had +finished dinner. But she was struck by the strange paleness of +Ruth's face, now that the light fell upon it. + +"Stay up here, dear Mrs. Denbigh! We'll tell papa you are tired, +and are gone to bed." + +Another time Ruth would have dreaded Mr. Bradshaw's displeasure; +for it was an understood thing that no one was to be ill or tired +in his household without leave asked, and cause given and +assigned. But she never thought of that now. Her great desire was +to hold quiet till she was alone. Quietness it was not--it was +rigidity; but she succeeded in being rigid in look and movement, +and went through her duties to Elizabeth (who preferred remaining +with her upstairs) with wooden precision. But her heart felt at +times like ice, at times like burning fire; always a heavy, heavy +weight within her. At last Elizabeth went to bed. Still Ruth +dared not think. Mary would come upstairs soon, and with a +strange, sick, shrinking yearning, Ruth awaited her--and the +crumbs of intelligence she might drop out about him. Ruth's sense +of hearing was quickened to miserable intensity as she stood +before the chimney-piece, grasping it tight with both +hands--gazing into the dying fire, but seeing--not the dead grey +embers, or the little sparks of vivid light that ran hither and +thither among the wood-ashes--but an old farmhouse, and climbing, +winding road, and a little golden breezy common, with a rural inn +on the hill-top, far, far away. And through the thoughts of the +past came the sharp sounds of the present--of three voices, one +of which was almost silence, it was so hushed. Indifferent people +would only have guessed that Mr. Donne was speaking by the +quietness in which the others listened; but Ruth heard the voice +and many of the words, though they conveyed no idea to her mind. +She was too much stunned even to feel curious to know to what +they related. He spoke. That was her one fact. + +Presently up came Mary, bounding, exultant. Papa had let her stay +up one quarter of an hour longer, because Mr. Hickson had asked. +Mr. Hickson was so clever! She did not know what to make of Mr. +Donne, he seemed such a dawdle. But he was very handsome. Had +Ruth seen him? Oh, no! She could not, it was so dark on those +stupid sands. Well, never mind, she would see him to-morrow. She +must be well to-morrow. Papa seemed a good deal put out that +neither she nor Elizabeth were in the drawing-room to-night; and +his last words were, "Tell Mrs. Denbigh I hope" (and papa's +"hopes" always meant "expect") "she will be able to make +breakfast at nine o'clock;" and then she would see Mr. Donne. + +That was all Ruth heard about him. She went with Mary into her +bedroom, helped her to undress, and put the candle out. At length +she was alone in her own room! At length! + +But the tension did not give way immediately. She fastened her +door, and threw open the window, cold and threatening as was the +night. She tore off her gown; she put her hair back from her +heated face. It seemed now as if she could not think--as if +thought and emotion had been repressed so sternly that they would +not come to relieve her stupefied brain. Till all at once, like a +flash of lightning, her life, past and present, was revealed to +her to its minutest detail. And when she saw her very present +"Now," the strange confusion of agony was too great to be borne, +and she cried aloud. Then she was quite dead, and listened as to +the sound of galloping armies. + +"If I might see him! If I might see him! If I might just ask him +why he left me; if I had vexed him in any way; it was so +strange--so cruel! It was not him; it was his mother," said she, +almost fiercely, as if answering herself. "O God! but he might +have found me out before this," she continued sadly. "He did not +care for me, as I did for him. He did not care for me at all," +she went on wildly and sharply. "He did me cruel harm. I can +never again lift up my face in innocence. They think I have +forgotten all, because I do not speak. Oh, darling love! am I +talking against you?" asked she tenderly. "I am so torn and +perplexed! You, who are the father of my child!" + +But that very circumstance, full of such tender meaning in many +cases; threw a new light into her mind. It changed her from the +woman into the mother--the stern guardian of her child. She was +still for a time, thinking. Then she began again, but in a low, +deep voice. + +"He left me. He might have been hurried off, but he might have +inquired--he might have learned and explained. He left me to bear +the burden and the shame; and never oared to learn, as he might +have done, of Leonard's birth. He has no love for his child, and +I will have no love for him." + +She raised her voice while uttering this determination, and then, +feeling her own weakness, she moaned out, "Alas! alas!" + +And then she started up, for all this time she had been rocking +herself backwards and forwards as she sat on the ground, and +began to pace the room with hurried steps. + +"What am I thinking of? Where am I? I who have been praying these +years and years to be worthy to be Leonard's mother. My God! What +a depth of sin is in my heart! Why, the old time would be as +white as snow to what it would be now, if I sought him out, and +prayed for the explanation, which would re-establish him in my +heart. I who have striven (or made a mock of trying) to learn +God's holy will, in order to bring up Leonard into the full +strength of a Christian--I who have taught his sweet innocent +lips to pray, 'Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from +evil;' and yet, somehow, I've been longing to give him to his +father, who is--who is"--she almost choked, till at last she +cried sharp out, + +"Oh, my God! I do believe Leonard's father is a bad man, and yet, +oh! pitiful God, I love him; I cannot forget--I cannot!" + +She threw her body half out of the window into the cold night +air. The wind was rising, and came in great gusts. The rain beat +down on her. It did her good. A still, calm night would not have +soothed her as this did. The wild tattered clouds, hurrying past +the moon, gave her a foolish kind of pleasure that almost made +her smile a vacant smile. The blast-driven rain came on her +again, and drenched her hair through and through. The words +"stormy wind fulfilling His word" came into her mind. + +She sat down on the floor. This time her hands were clasped round +her knees. The uneasy rocking motion was stilled. + +"I wonder if my darling is frightened with this blustering, noisy +wind. I wonder if he is awake." + +And then her thoughts went back to the various times of old, +when, affrighted by the weather--sounds so mysterious in the +night--he had crept into her bed and clung to her, and she had +soothed him, and sweetly awed him into stillness and childlike +faith, by telling him of the goodness and power of God. + +Of a sudden she crept to a chair, and there knelt as in the very +presence of God, hiding her face, at first not speaking a word +(for did He not know her heart), but by-and-by moaning out, amid +her sobs and tears (and now for the first time she wept)-- + +"Oh, my God, help me, for I am very weak. My God! I pray Thee be +my rock and my strong fortress, for I of myself am nothing. If I +ask in His name, Thou wilt give it me. In the name of Jesus +Christ I pray for strength to do Thy will!" + +She could not think, er, indeed, remember anything but that she +was weak, and God was strong, and "a very present help in time of +trouble;" and the wind rose yet higher, and the house shook and +vibrated as, in measured time, the great and terrible gusts came +from the four quarters of the heavens and blew around it, dying +away in the distance with loud and unearthly wails, which were +not utterly still before the sound of the coming blast was heard +like the trumpets of the vanguard of the Prince of Air. + +There was a knock at the bedroom door--a little, gentle knock, +and a soft child's voice. + +"Mrs. Denbigh, may I come in, please? I am so frightened!" + +It was Elizabeth. Ruth calmed her passionate breathing by one +hasty draught of water, and opened the door to the timid girl. + +"Oh, Mrs. Denbigh! did you ever hear such a night? I am so +frightened I and Mary sleeps so sound." + +Ruth was too much shaken to be able to speak all at once; but she +took Elizabeth in her arms to reassure her. Elizabeth stood back. + +"Why, how wet you are, Mrs. Denbigh! and there's the window open, +I do believe! Oh, how cold it is!" said she, shivering. + +"Get into my bed, dear!" said Ruth. + +"But do come too! The candle gives such a strange light with that +long wick, and, somehow, your face does not look like you. +Please, put the candle out, and come to bed. I am so frightened, +and it seems as if I should be safer if you were by me." + +Ruth shut the window, and went to bed. Elizabeth was all +shivering and quaking. To soothe her, Ruth made a great effort; +and spoke of Leonard and his fears, and, in a low hesitating +voice, she spoke of God's tender mercy, but very humbly, for she +feared lest Elizabeth should think her better and holier than she +was. The little girl was soon asleep, her fears forgotten; and +Ruth, worn out by passionate emotion, and obliged to be still for +fear of awaking her bedfellow, went off into a short slumber, +through the depths of which the echoes of her waking sobs +quivered up. + +When she awoke the grey light of autumnal dawn was in the room. +Elizabeth slept on; but Ruth heard the servants bout, and the +early farmyard sounds. After she had recovered from the shock of +consciousness and recollection, she collected her thoughts with a +stern calmness. He was here. In a few hours she must meet him. +There was no escape, except through subterfuges and contrivances +that were both false and cowardly. How it would all turn out she +could not say, or even guess. But of one thing she was clear, and +to one thing she would hold fast: that was, that, come what +might, she would obey God's law, and, be the end of all what it +might, she would say, "Thy will be done!" She only asked for +strength enough to do this when the time came. How the time would +come--what speech or action would be requisite on her part she +did not know--she did not even try to conjecture. She left that +in His hands. + +She was icy cold, but very calm, when the breakfast-bell rang. +She went down immediately; because she felt that there was less +chance of a recognition if she were already at her place behind +the tea-urn, and busied with the cups, than if she came in after +all were settled. Her heart seemed to stand still, but she felt +almost a strange exultant sense of power over herself. She felt, +rather than saw, that he was not there. Mr. Bradshaw and Mr. +Hickson were, and so busy talking election-politics that they did +not interrupt their conversation even when they bowed to her. Her +pupils sat one on each side of her. Before they were quite +settled, and while the other two gentlemen yet hung over the +fire, Mr. Donne came in. Ruth felt as if that moment was like +death. She had a kind of desire to make some sharp sound, to +relieve a choking sensation, but it was over in an instant, and +she sat on very composed and silent--to all outward appearance +the very model of a governess who knew her place. And by-and-by +she felt strangely at ease in her sense of power. She could even +listen to what was being said. She had never dared as yet to look +at Mr. Donne, though her heart burned to see him once again. He +sounded changed. The voice had lost its fresh and youthful +eagerness of tone, though in peculiarity of modulation it was the +same. It could never be mistaken for the voice of another person. +There was a good deal said at that breakfast, for none seemed +inclined to hurry, although it was Sunday morning. Ruth was +compelled to sit there, and it was good for her that she did. +That half-hour seemed to separate the present Mr. Donne very +effectively from her imagination of what Mr. Bellingham had been. +She was no analyser; she hardly even had learnt to notice +character; but she felt there was some strange difference between +the people she had lived with lately and the man who now leant +back in his chair, listening in a careless manner to the +conversation, but never joining in, or expressing any interest in +it, unless it somewhere, or somehow, touched himself. Now, Mr. +Bradshaw always threw himself into a subject; it might be in a +pompous, dogmatic sort of way, but he did do it, whether it +related to himself or not; and it was part of Mr. Hickson's trade +to assume an interest if he felt it not. But Mr. Donne did +neither the one nor the other. When the other two were talking of +many of the topics of the day, he put his glass in his eye, the +better to examine into the exact nature of a cold game-pie at the +other side of the table. Suddenly Ruth felt that his attention +was caught by her. Until now, seeing his short-sightedness, she +had believed herself safe; now her face flushed with a painful, +miserable blush. But in an instant she was strong and quiet. She +looked up straight at his face; and, as if this action took him +aback, he dropped his glass, and began eating away with great +diligence. She had seen him. He was changed, she knew not how. In +fact, the expression, which had been only occasional formerly, +when his worse self predominated, had become permanent. He looked +restless and dissatisfied. But he was very handsome still; and +her quick eye had recognised, with a sort of strange pride, that +the eyes and mouth were like Leonard's. Although perplexed by the +straightforward, brave look she had sent right at him, he was not +entirely baffled. He ought this Mrs. Denbigh was certainly like +poor Ruth; but this woman was far handsomer. Her face was +positively Greek; and then such a proud, superb turn of her head; +quite queenly! A governess in Mr. Bradshaw's family! Why, she +might be a Percy or a Howard for the grandeur of her grace! Poor +Ruth! This woman's hair was darker, though; and she had less +colour; although a more refined-looking person. Poor Ruth! and, +for the first time for several years, he wondered what had become +of her; though, of course, there was but one thing that could +have happened, and perhaps it was as well he did not know her +end, for most likely it would have made him very uncomfortable. +He leant back in his chair, and, unobserved (for he would not +have thought it gentlemanly to look so fixedly at her if she or +any one noticed him), he put up his glass again. She was speaking +to one of her pupils, and did not see him. By Jove! it must be +she, though! There were little dimples came out about the mouth +as she spoke, just like those he used to admire so much in Ruth, +and which he had never seen in any one else--the sunshine without +the positive movement of a smile. The longer he looked the more +he was convinced; and it was with a jerk that he recovered +himself enough to answer Mr. Bradshaw's question, whether he +wished to go to church or not. + +"Church? How far--a mile? No; I think I shall perform my +devotions at home to-day." + +He absolutely felt jealous when Mr. Hickson sprang up to open the +door as Ruth and her pupils left the room. He was pleased to feel +jealous again. He had been really afraid he was too much "used +up" for such sensations. But Hickson must keep his place. What he +was paid for was doing the talking to the electors, not paying +attention to the ladles in their families. Mr. Donne had noticed +that Mr. Hickson had tried to be gallant to Miss Bradshaw; let +him, if he liked; but let him beware how he behaved to this fair +creature, Ruth or no Ruth. It certainly was Ruth; only how the +devil had she played her cards so well as to be the +governess--the respected governess, in. such a family as Mr. +Bradshaw's? Mr. Donne's movements were evidently to be the guide +of Mr. Hickson's. Mr. Bradshaw always disliked going to church, +partly from principle, partly because he never could find the +places in the Prayer-book. Mr. Donne was in the drawing-room as +Mary came down ready equipped; he was turning over the leaves of +the large and handsome Bible. Seeing Mary, he was struck with a +new idea. + +"How singular it is," said he, "that the name of Ruth is so +seldom chosen by those good people who go to the Bible before +they christen their children! It is a very pretty name, I think." + +Mr. Bradshaw looked up. "Why, Mary!" said he, "is not that Mrs. +Denbigh's name?" + +"Yes, papa," replied Mary eagerly; "and I know two other Ruths; +there's Ruth Brown here, and Ruth Macartney at Eccleston." + +"And I have an aunt called Ruth, Mr. Donne! I don't think your +observation holds good. Besides my daughters' governess, I know +three other Ruths." + +"Oh! I have no doubt I was wrong. It was just a speech of which +one perceives the folly the moment it is made." + +But, secretly, he rejoiced with a fierce joy over the success of +his device. Elizabeth came to summon Mary. + +Ruth was glad when she got into the open air, and away from the +house. Two hours were gone and over. Two out of a day, a day and +a half--for it might be late on Monday morning before the +Eccleston party returned. + +She felt weak and trembling in body, but strong in power over +herself. They had left the house in good time for church, so they +needed not to hurry; and they went leisurely along the road, now +and then passing some country person whom they knew, and with +whom they exchanged a kindly, placid greeting. But presently, to +Ruth's dismay, she heard a step behind, coming at a rapid pace, a +peculiar clank of rather high-heeled boots, which gave a springy +sound to the walk, that she had known well long ago. It was like +a nightmare, where the evil dreaded is never avoided, never +completely shunned, but is by one's side at the very moment of +triumph in escape. There he was by her side; and there was still +a quarter of a mile intervening between her and the church: but +even yet she trusted that he had not recognised her. + +"I have changed my mind, you see," said he quietly. "I have some +curiosity to see the architecture of the church; some of these +old country churches have singular bits about them. Mr. Bradshaw +kindly directed me part of the way; but I was so much puzzled by +'turns to the right' and 'turns to the left,' that I was quite +glad to espy your party." + +That speech required. no positive answer of any kind; and no +answer did it receive. He had not expected a reply. He knew, if +she were Ruth, she could not answer any indifferent words of his; +and her silence made him more certain of her identity with the +lady by his side. + +"The scenery here is of a kind new to me; neither grand, wild, +nor yet marked by high cultivation; and yet it has great charms. +It reminds me of some part of Wales." He breathed deeply, and +then added, "You have been in Wales, I believe?" + +He spoke low; almost in a whisper. The little church-bell began +to call the lagging people with its quick, sharp summons. Ruth +writhed in body and spirit, but struggled on. The church-door +would be gained at last; and in that holy place she would find +peace. + +He repeated in a louder tone, so as to compel an answer in order +to conceal her agitation from the girls-- + +"Have you never been in Wales?" He used "never" instead of +"ever," and laid the emphasis on that word, in order to mark his +meaning to Ruth, and Ruth only. But he drove her to bay. + +"I have been in Wales, sir," she replied, in a calm, grave tone. +"I was there many years ago. Events took place there which +contribute to make the recollections of that time most miserable +to me. I shall be obliged to you, sir, if you will make no +further reference to it." + +The little girls wondered how Mrs. Denbigh could speak in such a +high tone of quiet authority to Mr. Donne, who was almost a +member of Parliament. But they settled that her husband must have +died in Wales, and, of course, that would make the recollection +of the country "most miserable," as she said. + +Mr. Donne did not dislike the answer, and he positively admired +the dignity with which she spoke. His leaving her as he did must +have made her very miserable; and he liked the pride that made +her retain her indignation, until he could speak to her in +private, and explain away a good deal of what she might complain +of with some justice. + +The church was reached. They all went up the middle aisle into +the Eagle's Crag pew. He followed them in, entered himself, and +shut the door. Ruth's heart sank as she saw him there; just +opposite to her; coming between her and the clergyman who was to +read out the word of God. It was merciless--it was cruel to haunt +her there. She durst not lift her eyes to the bright eastern +light--she could not see how peacefully the marble images of the +dead lay on their tombs, for he was between her and all Light and +Peace. She knew that his look was on her; that he never turned +his glance away. She could not join in the prayer for the +remission of sins while he was there, for his very presence +seemed as a sign that their stain would never be washed out of +her life. But, although goaded and chafed by her thoughts and +recollections, she kept very still. No sign of emotion, no flush +of colour was on her face as he looked at her. Elizabeth could +not find her place, and then Ruth breathed once, long and deeply, +as she moved up the pew, and out of the straight, burning glance +of those eyes of evil meaning. When they sat down for the reading +of the first lesson, Ruth turned the corner of the seat so as no +longer to be opposite to him. She could not listen. The words +seemed to be uttered in some world far away, from which she was +exiled and cast out their sound, and yet more their meaning, was +dim and distant. But in this extreme tension of mind to hold in +her bewildered agony, it so happened that one of her senses was +preternaturally acute. While all the church and the people swam +in misty haze, one point in a dark corner grew clearer and +clearer till she saw (what at another time she could not have +discerned at all) a face--a gargoyle I think they call it--at the +end of the arch next to the narrowing of the nave into the +chancel, and in the shadow of that contraction. The face was +beautiful in feature (the next to it was a grinning monkey), but +it was not the features that were the most striking part. There +was a half-open mouth, not in any way distorted out of its +exquisite beauty by the intense expression of suffering it +conveyed. Any distortion of the face by mental agony implies that +a struggle with circumstance is going on. But in this face, if +such struggle had been, it was over now. Circumstance had +conquered; and there was no hope from mortal endeavour, or help +from mortal creature, to be had. But the eyes looked onward and +upward to the "hills from whence cometh our help." And though the +parted lips seemed ready to quiver with agony, yet the expression +of the whole face, owing to these strange, stony, and yet +spiritual eyes, was high and consoling. If mortal gaze had never +sought its meaning before, in the deep shadow where it had been +placed long centuries ago, yet Ruth's did now. Who could have +imagined such a look? Who could have witnessed--perhaps +felt--such infinite sorrow and yet dared to lift it up by Faith +into a peace so pure? Or was it a mere conception? If so, what a +soul the unknown carver must have had; for creator and +handicraftsman must have been one; no two minds could have been +in such perfect harmony. Whatever it was--however it came +there--imaginer, carver, sufferer, all were long passed away. +Human art was ended--human life done--human suffering over; but +this remained; it stilled Ruth's beating heart to look on it. She +grew. still enough to hear words which have come to many in their +time of need, and awed them in the presence of the extremest +suffering that the hushed world had ever heard of. + +The second lesson for the morning of the 25th of September is the +26th chapter of St. Matthew's Gospel. + +And when they prayed again Ruth's tongue was unloosed, and she +also could pray, in His name who underwent the agony in the +garden. + +As they came out of church, there was a little pause and +gathering at the door. It had begun to rain; those who had +umbrellas were putting them up; those who had not were +regretting, and wondering how long it would last. Standing for a +moment, impeded by the people who were thus collected under the +porch, Ruth heard a voice close to her say, very low, but very +distinctly-- + +"I have much to say to you--much to explain. I entreat you to +give me the opportunity." + +Ruth did not reply. She would not acknowledge that she heard; but +she trembled nevertheless, for the well-remembered voice was low +and soft, and had yet its power to thrill. She earnestly desired +to know why and how he had left her. It appeared to her as if +that knowledge could alone give her a relief from the restless +wondering that distracted her mind, and that one explanation +could do no harm. + +"No!" the. higher spirit made answer; "it must not be." + +Ruth and the girls had each an umbrella. She turned to Mary, and +said-- + +"Mary, give your umbrella to Mr. Donne, and come under mine." Her +way of speaking was short and decided; she was compressing her +meaning into as few words as possible. The little girl obeyed in +silence. As they went first through the churchyard stile Mr. +Donne spoke again. + +"You are unforgiving," said he. "I only ask you to hear me. I +have a right to be heard, Ruth! I won't believe you are so much +changed as not to listen to me when I entreat." + +He spoke in a tone of soft complaint. But he himself had done +much to destroy the illusion which had hung about his memory for +years, whenever Ruth had allowed herself to think of it. Besides +which, during the time of her residence in the Benson family, her +feeling of what people ought to he had been unconsciously raised +and refined; and Mr. Donne, even while she had to struggle +against the force of past recollections, repelled her so much by +what he was at present, that every speech of his, every minute +they were together, served to make her path more and more easy to +follow. His voice retained something of its former influence. +When he spoke, without her seeing him, she could not help +remembering former days. + +She did not answer this last speech any more than the first. She +saw clearly, that, putting aside all thought as to the character +of their former relationship, it had been dissolved by his +will--his act and deed; and that, therefore, the power to refuse +any further intercourse whatsoever remained with her. + +It sometimes seems a little strange how, after having earnestly +prayed to be delivered from temptation, and having given +ourselves with shut eyes into God's hand, from that time every +thought, every outward influence, every acknowledged law of life, +seems to lead us on from strength to strength. It seems strange +sometimes, because we notice the coincidence; but it is the +natural, unavoidable consequence of all, truth and goodness being +one and the same, and therefore carried out in every +circumstance, external and internal, of God's creation. When Mr. +Donne saw that Ruth would not answer him, he became only the more +determined that she should hear what he had to say. What that was +he did not exactly know. The whole affair was most mysterious and +piquant. + +The umbrella protected Ruth from more than the rain on that walk +homewards, for under its shelter she could not be spoken to +unheard. She had not rightly understood at what time she and the +girls were to dine. From the gathering at meal-times she must not +shrink. She must show no sign of weakness. But, oh! the relief, +after that walk, to sit in her own room, locked up, so that +neither Mary nor Elizabeth could come by surprise, and to let her +weary frame (weary with being so long braced up to rigidity and +stiff quiet) fall into a chair anyhow--all helpless, nerveless, +motionless, as if the very bones had melted out of her! + +The peaceful rest which her mind took was in thinking of Leonard. +She dared not look before or behind, but she could see him well +at present. She brooded over the thought of him, till she dreaded +his father more and more. By the light of her child's purity and +innocence, she saw evil clearly, and yet more clearly. She +thought that, if Leonard ever came to know the nature of his +birth, she had nothing for it but to die out of his sight. He +could never know--human heart could never know, her ignorant +innocence, and all the small circumstances which had impelled her +onwards. But God knew. And if Leonard heard of his mother's +error, why, nothing remained but death; for she felt, then, as if +she had it in her power to die innocently out of such future +agony; but that escape is not so easy. Suddenly a fresh thought +came, and she prayed that, through whatever suffering, she might +be purified. Whatever trials, woes, measureless pangs, God might +see fit to chastise her with, she would not shrink, if only at +last she might come into His presence in heaven. Alas! the +shrinking from suffering we cannot help. That part of her prayer +was vain. And as for the rest, was not the sure justice of His +law finding out even now? His laws once broken, His justice and +the very nature of those laws bring the immutable retribution; +but, if we turn penitently to Him, He enables us to bear our +punishment with a meek and docile heart, "for His mercy endureth +for ever." + +Mr. Bradshaw had felt himself rather wanting in proper attention +to his guest, inasmuch as he had been unable, all in a minute, to +comprehend Mr. Donne's rapid change of purpose; and, before it +had entered into his mind that, notwithstanding the distance of +the church, Mr. Donne was going thither, that gentleman was out +of the sight, and far out of the reach, of his burly host. But +though the latter had so far neglected the duties of hospitality +as to allow his visitor to sit in the Eagle's Crag pew with no +other guard of honour than the children and the governess, Mr. +Bradshaw determined to make up for it by extra attention during +the remainder of the day. Accordingly he never left Mr. Donne. +Whatever wish that gentleman expressed, it was the study of his +host to gratify. Did he hint at the pleasure which a walk in such +beautiful scenery would give him, Mr. Bradshaw was willing to +accompany him, although at Eccleston it was a principle with him +not to take any walks for pleasure on a Sunday. When Mr. Donne +turned round, and recollected letters which must be written, and +which would compel him to stay at home, Mr. Bradshaw instantly +gave up the walk, and remained at hand, ready to furnish him with +any writing-materials which could be wanted, and which were not +laid out in the half-furnished house. Nobody knew where Mr. +Hickson was all this time. He had sauntered out after Mr. Donne, +when the latter set off for church, and he had never returned. +Mr. Donne kept wondering if he could have met Ruth--if, in fact, +she had gone out with her pupils, now that the afternoon had +cleared up. This uneasy wonder, and a few mental imprecations on +his host's polite attention, together with the letter-writing +pretence, passed away the afternoon--the longest afternoon he had +ever spent; and of weariness he had had his share. Lunch was +lingering in the dining-room, left there for the truant Mr. +Hickson; but of the children or Ruth there was no sign. He +ventured on a distant inquiry as to their whereabouts. + +"They dine early; they are gone to church again. Mrs. Denbigh was +a member of the Establishment once; and, though she attends +chapel at home, she seems glad to have an opportunity of going to +church." + +Mr. Donne was on the point of asking some further questions about +"Mrs. Denbigh," when Mr. Hickson came m, loud-spoken, cheerful, +hungry, and as ready to talk about his ramble, and the way in +which he had lost and found himself, as he was about everything +else. He knew how to dress up the commonest occurrence with a +little exaggeration, a few puns, and a happy quotation or two, so +as to make it sound very agreeable. He could read faces, and saw +that he had been missed; both host and visitor looked moped to +death. He determined to devote himself to their amusement during +the remainder of the day, for he had really lost himself, and +felt that he had been away too long on a dull Sunday, when people +were apt to get hipped if not well amused. + +"It is really a shame to be indoors in such a place. Rain? Yes, +it rained some hours ago, but now it is splendid weather. I feel +myself quite qualified for guide, I assure you. I can show you +all the beauties of the neighbourhood, and throw in a bog and a +nest of vipers to boot." + +Mr. Donne languidly assented to this proposal of going out; and +then he became restless until Mr. Hickson had eaten a hasty +lunch, for he hoped to meet Ruth on the way from church, to be +near her, and watch her, though he might not be able to speak to +her. To have the slow hours roll away--to know he must leave the +next day--and yet, so close to her, not to be seeing her--was +more than he could bear. In an impetuous kind of way, he +disregarded all Mr. Hickson's offers of guidance to lovely views, +and turned a deaf ear to Mr. Bradshaw's expressed wish of showing +him the land belonging to the house ("very little for fourteen +thousand pounds"), and set off wilfully on the road leading to +the church, from which he averred he had seen a view which +nothing else about the place could equal. + +They met the country people dropping homewards. No Ruth was +there. She and her pupils had returned by the field-way, as Mr. +Bradshaw informed his guests at dinner-time. Mr. Donne was very +captious all through dinner. He thought it never would be over, +and cursed Hickson's interminable stories, which were told on +purpose to amuse him. His heart gave a fierce bound when he saw +her in the drawing-room with the little girls. + +She was reading to them--with how sick and trembling a heart no +words can tell. But she could master and keep down outward signs +of her emotion. An hour more to-night (part of which was to be +spent in family prayer, and all in the safety of company), +another hour in the morning (when all would be engaged in the +bustle of departure)--if, during this short space of time, she +could not avoid speaking to him, she could at least keep him at +such a distance as to make him feel that henceforward her world +and his belonged to separate systems, wide as the heavens apart. + +By degrees she felt that he was drawing near to where she stood. +He was by the table examining the books that lay upon it. Mary +and Elizabeth drew off a little space, awe-stricken by the future +member for Eccleston. As he bent his head over a book he said, "I +implore you; five minutes alone." + +The little girls could not hear; but Ruth, hemmed in so that no +escape was possible, did hear. + +She took sudden courage, and said in a clear voice-- + +"Will you read the whole passage aloud? I do not remember it." + +Mr. Hickson, hovering at no great distance, heard these words, +and drew near to second Mrs. Denbigh's request. Mr. Bradshaw, who +was very sleepy after his unusually late dinner, and longing for +bedtime, joined in the request, for it would save the necessity +for making talk, and he might, perhaps, get in a nap, undisturbed +and unnoticed, before the servants came in to prayers. + +Mr. Donne was caught; he was obliged to read aloud, although he +did not know what he was reading. In the middle of some sentence +the door opened, a rush of servants came in, and Mr. Bradshaw +became particularly wide awake in an instant, and read them a +long sermon with great emphasis and unction, winding up with a +prayer almost as long. + +Ruth sat with her head drooping, more from exhaustion, after a +season of effort than because she shunned Mr. Donne's looks. He +had so lost his power over her--his power, which had stirred her +so deeply the night before--that, except as one knowing her error +and her shame, and making a cruel use of such knowledge, she had +quite separated him from the idol of her youth. And yet, for the +sake of that first and only love, she would gladly have known +what explanation he could offer to account for leaving her. It +would have been something gained to her own self-respect if she +had learnt that he was not then, as she felt him to be now, cold +and egotistical, caring for no one and nothing but what related +to himself. + +Home, and Leonard--how strangely peaceful the two seemed! Oh, for +the rest that a dream about Leonard would bring! + +Mary and Elizabeth went to bed immediately after prayers, and +Ruth accompanied them. It was planned that the gentlemen should +leave early the next morning. They were to breakfast half-an-hour +sooner, to catch the railway-train; and this by Mr. Donne's own +arrangement, who had been as eager about his canvassing, the week +before, as it was possible for him to be, but who now wished +Eccleston and the Dissenting interest therein very fervently at +the devil. + +Just as the carriage came round Mr. Bradshaw turned to Ruth "Any +message for Leonard beyond love, which is a matter of course?" + +Ruth gasped--for she saw Mr. Donne catch at the name; she did not +guess the sudden sharp jealousy called out by the idea that +Leonard was a grown-up man. + +"Who is Leonard?" said he to the little girl standing by him; he +did not know which she was. + +"Mrs. Denbigh's little boy," answered Mary. + +Under some pretence or other, he drew near to Ruth; and in that +low voice which she had learnt to loathe he said-- + +"Our child?" + +By the white misery that turned her face to stone--by the wild +terror in her imploring eyes--by the gasping breath which came +out as the carriage drove away--he knew that he had seized the +spell to make her listen at last. + + +CHAPTER XXIV + + +THE MEETING ON THE SANDS + +"HE will take him away from me! He will take the child from me!" + +These words rang like a tolling bell through Ruth's head. It +seemed to her that her doom was certain. Leonard would be taken +from her. She had a firm conviction--not the less firm because +she knew not on what it was based--that a child, whether +legitimate or not, belonged of legal right to the father. And +Leonard, of all children, was the prince mind monarch. Every +man's heart would long to call Leonard "Child!" She had been too +strongly taxed to have much power left her to reason coolly and +dispassionately, just then, even if she had been with any one who +could furnish her with information from which to draw correct +conclusions. The one thought haunted her night and day--"He will +take my child away from me!" In her dreams she saw Leonard borne +away into some dim land, to which she could not follow. Sometimes +he sat in a swiftly-moving carriage, at his father's side, and +smiled on her as he passed by, as if going to promised pleasure. +At another time he was struggling to return to her; stretching +out his little arms, and crying to her for the help she could not +give. How she got through the days she did not know; her body +moved about and habitually acted, but her spirit was with her +child. She thought often of writing and warning Mr. Benson of +Leonard's danger; but then she shrank from recurring to +circumstances all mention of which had ceased years ago; the very +recollection of which seemed buried deep for ever. Besides, she +feared occasioning discord or commotion in the quiet circle in +which she lived. Mr. Benson's deep anger against her betrayer had +been shown too clearly in the old time to allow her to think that +he would keep it down without expression now. He would cease to +do anything to forward his election he would oppose him as much +as he could; and Mr. Bradshaw would be angry, and a storm would +arise, from the bare thought of which Ruth shrank with the +cowardliness of a person thoroughly worn out with late contest. +She was bodily wearied with her spiritual buffeting. + +One morning, three or four days after their departure, she +received a letter from Miss Benson. She could not open it at +first, and put it on one side, clenching her hands over it all +the time. At last she tore it open. Leopard was safe as yet. +There were a few lines in his great round hand, speaking of +events no larger than the loss of a beautiful "alley." There was +a sheet from Miss Benson. She always wrote letters in the manner +of a diary. "Monday we did so-and-so; Tuesday, so-and-so, &c." +Ruth glanced rapidly down the pages. Yes, here it was! Sick, +fluttering heart, be still! + +"In the middle of the damsons, when they were just on the fire, +there was a knock at the door. My brother was out, and Sally was +washing up, and I was stirring the preserve with my great apron +and bib on; so I bade Leonard come in from the garden and open +the door. But I would have washed his face first if I had known +who it was! It was Mr. Bradshaw and the Mr. Donne that they hope +to send up to the House of Commons, as member of Parliament for +Eccleston, and another gentleman, whose name I never heard. They +had come canvassing; and when they found my brother was out, they +asked Leonard if they could see me. The child said, 'Yes! if I +could leave the damsons;' and straightway came to call me, +leaving them standing in the passage. I whipped off my apron, and +took Leonard by the hand, for I fancied I should feel less +awkward if he was with me; and then I went and asked them all +into the study, for I thought I should like them to see how many +books Thurstan had got. Then they began talking politics at me in +a very polite manner, only I could not make head or tail of what +they meant; and Mr. Donne took a deal of notice of Leonard, and +called him to him; and I am sure he noticed what a noble, +handsome boy he was, though his face was very brown and red, and +hot with digging, and his curls all tangled. Leonard talked back +as if he had known him all his life, till, I think Mr. Bradshaw +thought he was making too much noise, and bid him remember he +ought to be seen, not heard. So he stood as still and stiff as a +soldier, close to Mr. Donne; and as I could not help looking at +the two, and thinking how handsome they both were in their +different ways, I could not tell Thurstan half the messages the +gentlemen left for him. But there was one thing more I must tell +you, though I said I would not. When Mr. Donne was talking to +Leonard, he took off his watch and chain and put it round the +boy's neck, who was pleased enough, you may be sure. I bade him +give it back to the gentleman, when they were all going away; and +I was quite surprised, and very uncomfortable, when Mr. Donne +said he had given it to Leonard, and that he was to keep it for +his own. I could see Mr. Bradshaw was annoyed, and he and the +other gentleman spoke to Mr. Donne, and I heard them say, 'too +barefaced;' and I shall never forget Mr. Donne's proud, stubborn +look back at them, nor his way of saying, 'I allow no one to +interfere with what I choose to do with my own.' And he looked so +haughty and displeased, I durst say nothing at the time. But when +I told Thurstan, he was very grieved and angry; and said he had +heard that our party were bribing, but that he never could have +thought they would have tried to do it at his house. Thurstan is +very much out of spirits about this election altogether; and, +indeed, it does make sad work up and down the town. However, he +sent back the watch, with a letter to Mr. Bradshaw; and Leonard +was very good about it, so I gave him a taste of the new +damson-preserve on his bread for supper." + +Although a stranger might have considered this letter wearisome, +from the multiplicity of the details, Ruth craved greedily after +more. What had Mr. Donne said to Leonard? Had Leonard liked his +new acquaintance? Were they likely to meet again? After wondering +and wondering over these points, Ruth composed herself by the +hope that in a day or two she should hear again; and, to secure +this end, she answered the letters by return of post. That was on +Thursday. On Friday she had another letter, in a strange hand. It +was from Mr. Donne. No name, no initials were given. If it had +fallen into another person's hands, they could not have +recognised the writer, nor guessed to whom it was sent. It +contained simply these words:-- + +"For our child's sake, and in his name, I summon you to appoint a +place where I can speak, and you can listen, undisturbed. The +time must be on Sunday; the limit of distance may be the +circumference of your power of walking. My words may be commands, +but my fond heart entreats. More I shall not say now, but, +remember! your boy's welfare depends on your acceding to this +request. Address B. D., Post-Office, Eccleston." + +Ruth did not attempt to answer this letter till the last five +minutes before the post went out. She could not decide until +forced to it. Either way she dreaded. She was very nearly leaving +the letter altogether unanswered. But suddenly she resolved she +would know all, the best, the worst. No cowardly dread of +herself, or of others, should make her neglect aught that came to +her in her child's name. She took up a pen and wrote-- + +"The sands below the rocks, where we met you the other night. +Time, afternoon church." + +Sunday came. + +"I shall not go to church this afternoon. You know the way, of +course; and I trust you to go steadily by yourselves." + +When they came to kiss her before leaving her, according to their +fond wont, they were struck by the coldness of her face and lips. + +"Are you not well, dear Mrs. Denbigh? How cold you are!" + +"Yes, darling! I am well;" and tears sprang into her eyes as she +looked at their anxious little faces. "Go now, dears. Five +o'clock will soon be here, and then we will have tea." + +"And that will warm you!" said they, leaving the room. + +"And then it will be over," she murmured--"over." + +It never came into her head to watch the girls as they +disappeared down the lane on their way to church. She knew them +too well to distrust their doing what they were told. She sat +still, her head bowed on her arms for a few minutes, and then +rose up and went to put on her walking things. Some thoughts +impelled her to sudden haste. She crossed the field by the side +of the house, ran down the steep and rocky path, and was carried +by the impetus of her descent far out on the level sands--but not +far enough for her intent. Without looking to the right hand or +to the left, where comers might be seen, she went forwards to the +black posts, which, rising above the heaving waters, marked where +the fishermen's nets were laid. She went straight towards this +place, and hardly stinted her pace even where the wet sands were +glittering with the receding waves. Once there, she turned round, +and, in a darting glance, saw that as yet no one was near. She +was perhaps half-a-mile or more from the grey, silvery rocks, +which sloped away into brown moorland, interspersed with a field +here and there of golden, waving corn. Behind were purple hills, +with sharp, clear outlines, touching the sky. A little on one +side from where she stood she saw the white cottages and houses +which formed the village of Abermouth, scattered up and down; +and, on a windy hill, about a mile inland, she saw the little +grey church, where even now many were worshipping in peace. + +"Pray for me!" she sighed out as this object caught her eye. + +And now, close under the heathery fields, where they fell softly +down and touched the sands, she saw a figure moving in the +direction of the great shadow made by the rocks--going towards +the very point where the path from Eagle's Crag came down to the +shore. + +"It is he!" said she to herself. And she turned round and looked +seaward. The tide had turned; the waves were slowly receding, as +if loth to lose the hold they had, so lately, and with such swift +bounds, gained on the yellow sands. The eternal moan they have +made since the world began filled the ear, broken only by the +skirl of the grey sea-birds as they alighted in groups on the +edge of the waters, or as they rose up with their measured, +balancing motion, and the sunlight caught their white breasts. +There was no sign of human life to be seen; no boat, or distant +sail, or near shrimper. The black posts there were all that spoke +of men's work or labour. Beyond a stretch of the waters, a few +pale grey hills showed like films; their summits clear, though +faint, their bases lost in a vapoury mist. + +On the hard, echoing sands, and distinct from the ceaseless +murmur of the salt sea waves, came footsteps--nearer--nearer. +Very near they were when Ruth, unwilling to show the fear that +rioted in her heart, turned round, and faced Mr. Donne. + +He came forward, with both hands extended. + +"This is kind! my own Ruth," said he. Ruth's arms hung down +motionless at her sides. + +"What! Ruth, have you no word for me?" + +"I have nothing to say," said Ruth. + +"Why, you little revengeful creature! And so I am to explain all, +before you will even treat me with decent civility." + +"I do not want explanations," said Ruth in a trembling tone. "We +must not speak of the past. You asked me to come in Leonard's--in +my child's name, and to hear what you had to say about him." + +"But what I have to say about him relates to you even more. And +how can we talk about him without recurring to the past? That +past, which you try to ignore--I know you cannot do it in your +heart--is full of happy recollections to me. Were you not happy +in Wales?" he said in his tenderest tone. + +But there was no answer; not even one faint sigh, though he +listened intently. + +"You dare not speak; you dare not answer me. Your heart will not +allow you to prevaricate, and you know you were happy." + +Suddenly Ruth's beautiful eyes were raised to him, full of lucid +splendour, but grave and serious in their expression; and her +cheeks, heretofore so faintly tinged with the tenderest blush, +flashed into a ruddy glow. + +"I was happy. I do not deny it. Whatever comes, I will not blench +from the truth. I have answered you." + +"And yet," replied he, secretly exulting in her admission, and +not perceiving the inner strength of which she must have been +conscious before she would have dared to make it--"and yet, Ruth, +we are not to recur to the past! Why not? If it was happy at the +time, is the recollection of it so miserable to you?" + +He tried once more to take her hand, but she quietly stepped +back. + +"I came to hear what you had to say about my child," said she, +beginning to feel very weary. + +"Our child, Ruth." + +She drew herself up, and her face went very pale. + +"What have you to say about him?" asked she coldly. + +"Much," exclaimed he--"much that may affect his whole life. But +it all depends upon whether you will hear me or not." + +"I listen." + +"Good heavens! Ruth, you will drive me mad. Oh! what a changed +person you are from the sweet, loving creature you were! I wish +you were not so beautiful." She did not reply, but he caught a +deep, involuntary sigh. + +"Will you hear me if I speak, though I may not begin all at once +to talk of this boy--a boy of whom any mother--any parent, might +be proud? I could see that, Ruth. I have seen him; he looked like +a prince in that cramped, miserable house, and with no earthly +advantages. It is a shame he should not have every kind of +opportunity laid open before him." + +There was no sign of maternal ambition on the motionless face, +though there might be some little spring in her heart, as it beat +quick and strong at the idea of the proposal she imagined he was +going to make of taking her boy away to give him the careful +education she had often craved for him. She should refuse it, as +she would everything else which seemed to imply that she +acknowledged a claim over Leonard; but yet sometimes, for her +boy's sake, she had longed for a larger opening--a more extended +sphere. + +"Ruth! you acknowledge we were happy once;--there were +circumstances which, if I could tell you them all in detail, +would show you how, in my weak, convalescent state, I was almost +passive in the hands of others. Ah, Ruth! I have not forgotten +the tender nurse who soothed me in my delirium. When I am +feverish, I dream that I am again at Llan-dhu, in the little old +bedchamber, and you, in white--which you always wore then, you +know--flitting about me." + +The tears dropped, large and round from Ruth's eyes--she could +not help it--how could she? + +"We were happy then," continued he, gaining confidence from the +sight of her melted mood, and recurring once more to the +admission which he considered so much in his favour. "Can such +happiness never return?" Thus he went on, quickly, anxious to lay +before her all he had to offer, before she should fully +understand his meaning. + +"If you would consent, Leonard should be always with +you--educated where and how you liked--money to any amount you +might choose to name should be secured to you and him--if only, +Ruth--if only those happy days might return." Ruth spoke-- + +"I said that I was happy, because I had asked God to protect and +help me--and I dared not tell a lie. I was happy. Oh! what is +happiness or misery that we should talk about them now?" + +Mr. Donne looked at her, as she uttered these words, to see if +she was wandering in her mind, they seemed to him so utterly +strange and incoherent. + +"I dare not think of happiness--I must not look forward to +sorrow. God did not put me here to consider either of these +things." + +"My dear Ruth, compose yourself! There is no hurry in answering +the question I asked." + +"What was it?" said Ruth. + +"I love you so, I cannot live without you. I offer you my heart, +my life--I offer to place Leonard wherever you would have him +placed. I have the power and the means to advance him in any path +of life you choose. All who have shown kindness to you shall be +rewarded by me, with a gratitude even surpassing your own. If +there is anything else I can do that you can suggest, I will do +it." "Listen to me!" said Ruth, now that the idea of what he +proposed had entered her mind. "When I said that I was happy with +you long ago, I was choked with shame as I said it. And yet it +may be a vain, false excuse that I make for myself. I was very +young; I did not know how such a life was against God's pure and +holy will--at least, not as I know it now; and I tell you the +truth--all the days of my years since I have gone about with a +stain on my hidden soul--a stain which made me loathe myself, and +envy those who stood spotless and undefiled; which made me shrink +from my child--from Mr. Benson, from his sister, from the +innocent girls whom I teach--nay, even I have cowered away from +God Himself; and what I did wrong then, I did blindly to what I +should do now if I listened to you." + +She was so strongly agitated that she put her hands over her +face, and sobbed without restraint. Then, taking them away, she +looked at him with a glowing face, and beautiful, honest, wet +eyes, and tried to speak calmly, as she asked if she needed to +stay longer (she would have gone away at once but that she +thought of Leonard, and wished to hear all that his father might +have to say). He was so struck anew by her beauty, and understood +her so little, that he believed that she only required a little +more urging to consent to what he wished; for in all she had said +there was no trace of the anger and resentment for his desertion +of her, which he had expected would be a prominent feature--the +greatest obstacle he had to encounter. The deep sense of +penitence she expressed he mistook for earthly shame; which he +imagined he could soon soothe away. + +"Yes, I have much more to say. I have not said half. I cannot +tell you how fondly I will--how fondly I do love you--how my life +shall be spent in ministering to your wishes. Money, I see--I +know, you despise----" + +"Mr. Bellingham! I will not stay to hear you speak to me so' +again. I have been sinful, but it is not you who should----" She +could not speak, she was so choking with passionate sorrow. + +He wanted to calm her, as he saw her shaken with repressed sobs. +He put his hand on her arm. She shook it off impatiently, and +moved away in an instant. + +"Ruth!" said he, nettled by her action of repugnance, "I begin to +think you never loved me." + +"I!--I never loved you! Do you dare to say so?" + +Her eyes flamed on him as she spoke. Her red, round lip curled +into beautiful contempt. + +"Why do you shrink so from me?" said he, in his turn getting +impatient. + +"I did not come here to be spoken to in this way," said she. "I +came, if by any chance I could do Leonard good. I would submit to +many humiliations for his sake--but to no more from you." + +"Are not you afraid to brave me so?" said he. "Don't you know how +much you are in my power?" + +She was silent. She longed to go away, but dreaded lest he should +follow her, where she might be less subject to interruption than +she was here--near the fisherman's nets, which the receding tide +was leaving every moment barer and more bare, and the posts they +were fastened to more blackly uprising above the waters. + +Mr. Donne put his hands on her arms as they hung down before +her--her hands tightly clasped together. + +"Ask me to let you go," said he. "I will, if you will ask me. He +looked very fierce and passionate and determined. The vehemence +of his action took Ruth by surprise, and the painful tightness of +the grasp almost made her exclaim. But she was quite still and +mute. + +"Ask me," said he, giving her a little shake. She did not speak. +Her eyes, fixed on the distant shore, were slowly filling with +tears. Suddenly a light came through the mist that obscured them, +and the shut lips parted. She saw some distant object that gave +her hope. + +"It is Stephen Bromley," said she. "He is coming to his nets. +They say he is a very desperate, violent man, but he will protect +me." + +"You obstinate, wilful creature!" said Mr. Donne, releasing his +grasp. "You forget that one word of mine could undeceive all +these good people at Eccleston; and that if I spoke out ever so +little, they would throw you off in an instant. Now!" he +continued, "do you understand how much you are in my power?" + +"Mr. and Miss Benson know all--they have not thrown me off," Ruth +gasped out. + +"Oh! for Leonard's sake! you would not be so cruel." + +"Then do not be cruel to him--to me. Think once more!" + +"I think once more." She spoke solemnly. "To save Leonard from +the shame and agony of knowing my disgrace I would lay down and +die. Oh! perhaps it would be best for him--for me, if I might; my +death would be a stingless grief--but to go back into sin would +be the real cruelty to him The errors of my youth may, be washed +away by my tears--it was so once when the gentle, blessed Christ +was upon earth; but now, if I went into wilful guilt, as you +would have me, how could I teach Leonard God's holy will? I +should not mind his knowing my past sin, compared to the awful +corruption it would be if he knew me living now, as you would +have me, lost to all fear of God----" Her speech was broken by +sobs. + +"Whatever may be my doom--God is just--I leave myself in His +hands. I will save Leonard from evil. Evil would it be for him if +I lived with you. I will let him die first!" She lifted her eyes +to heaven, and clasped and wreathed her hands together tight. +Then she said "You have humbled me enough, sir. I shall leave you +now." + +She turned away resolutely. The dark, grey fisherman was at hand. +Mr. Donne folded his arms and set his teeth, and. looked after +her. + +"What a stately step she has! How majestic and graceful all her +attitudes were! She thinks she has baffled me now. We will try +something more, and bid a higher price." He unfolded his arms, +and began to follow her. He gained upon her, for her beautiful +walk was now wavering and unsteady. The works which had kept her +in motion were running down fast. + +"Ruth!" said he, overtaking her. "You shall hear me once more. +Ay, look round! Your fisherman is near. He may hear me, if he +chooses--hear your triumph. I am come to. offer to marry you, +Ruth; come what may, I will have you. Nay--I will make you hear +me. I will hold this hand till you have heard me. To-morrow I +will speak to any one in Eccleston you like--to Mr. Bradshaw; Mr. +----, the little minister I mean. We can make it worth while for +him to keep our secret, and no one else need know but what you +are really Mrs. Denbigh. Leonard shall still bear this name, but +in all things else he shall be treated as my son. He and you +would grace any situation. I will take care the highest paths are +open to him!" He looked to see the lovely face brighten into +sudden joy; on the contrary, the head was still hung down with a +heavy droop. + +"I cannot," said she; her voice was very faint and low. + +"It is sudden for you, my dearest. But be calm. It will all be +easily managed. Leave it to me." + +"I cannot," repeated she, more distinct and clear, though still +very low. + +"Why! what on earth makes you say that?" asked he, in a mood to +be irritated by any repetition of such words. + +"I do not love you. I did once. Don't say I did not love you +then! but I do not now. I could never love you again. All you +have said and done since you came with Mr. Bradshaw to Abermouth +first has only made me wonder how I ever could have loved you. We +are very far apart. The time that has pressed down my life like +brands of hot iron, and scarred me for ever, has been nothing to +you. You have talked of it with no sound of moaning in your +voice--no shadow over the brightness of your face; it has left no +sense of sin on your conscience, while me it haunts and haunts; +and yet I might plead that I was an ignorant child--only I will +not plead anything, for God knows all----But this is only one +piece of our great difference----" + +"You mean that I am no saint," he said, impatient at her speech. +"Granted. But people who are no saints have made very good +husbands before now. Come, don't let any morbid, overstrained +conscientiousness interfere with substantial happiness--both to +you and to me--for I am sure I can make you happy--ay! and make +you love me, too, in spite of your pretty defiance. I love you so +dearly, I must win love back. And here are advantages for +Leonard, to be gained by you quite in a holy and legitimate way." + +She stood very erect. + +"If there was one thing needed to confirm me, you have named it. +You shall have nothing to do with my boy, by my consent, much +less by my agency. I would rather see him working on the roadside +than leading such a life--being such a one as you are. You have +heard my mind now, Mr. Bellingham. You have humbled me--you have +baited me; and if at last I have spoken out too harshly, and too +much in a spirit of judgment, the fault is yours. If there were +no other reason to prevent our marriage but the one fact that it +would bring Leonard into contact with you, that would be enough." + +"It is enough!" said he, making her a low bow. "Neither you nor +your child shall ever more be annoyed by me. I wish you a good +evening." + +They walked apart--he back to. the inn, to set off instantly, +while the blood was hot within him, from the place where he had +been so mortified--she to steady herself along till she reached +the little path, more like a rude staircase than anything else, +by which she had to climb to the house. + +She did not turn round for some time after she was fairly lost to +the sight of any one on the shore; she clambered on, almost +stunned by the rapid beating of her heart. Her eyes were hot and +dry; and at last became as if she were suddenly blind. Unable to +go on, she tottered into the tangled underwood which grew among +the stones, filling every niche and crevice, and little shelving +space, with green and delicate tracery. She sank down behind a +great overhanging rock, which hid her from any one coming up the +path. An ash-tree was rooted in this rock, slanting away from the +sea-breezes that were prevalent in most weathers; but this was a +still, autumnal Sabbath evening. As Ruth's limbs fell, so they +lay. She had no strength, no power of volition to move a finger. +She could not think or remember. She was literally stunned. The +first sharp sensation which roused her from her torpor was a +quick desire to see him once more; up she sprang, and climbed to +an out-jutting dizzy point of rock, but a little above her +sheltered nook, yet commanding a wide view over the bare, naked +sands;--far away below, touching the rippling water-line, was +Stephen Bromley, busily gathering in his nets; besides him there +was no living creature visible. Ruth shaded her eyes, as if she +thought they might have deceived her; but no, there was no one +there. She went slowly down to her old place, crying sadly as she +went. + +"Oh! if I had not spoken so angrily to him--the last things I +said were so bitter--so reproachful!--and I shall never, never +see him again!" + +She could not take in a general view and scope of their +conversation--the event was too near her for that; but her heart +felt sore at the echo of her last words, just and true as their +severity was. Her struggle, her constant flowing tears, which +fell from very weakness, made her experience a sensation of +intense bodily fatigue; and her soul had lost the power of +throwing itself forward, or contemplating anything beyond the +dreary present, when the expanse of grey, wild, bleak moors, +stretching wide away below a sunless sky, seemed only an outward +sign of the waste world within her heart, for which she could +claim no sympathy;-for she could not even define what its woes +were; and, if she could, no one would understand how the present +time was haunted by the terrible ghost of the former love. + +"I am so weary! I am so weary!" she moaned aloud at last. "I +wonder if I might stop here, and just die away." + +She shut her eyes, until through the closed lids came a ruddy +blaze of light. The clouds bad parted away, and the sun was going +down in the crimson glory behind the distant purple hills. The +whole western sky was one flame of fire. Ruth forgot herself in +looking at the gorgeous sight. She sat up gazing; and, as she +gazed, the tears dried on her cheeks, and, somehow, all human +care and sorrow were swallowed up in the unconscious sense of +God's infinity. The sunset calmed her more than any words, +however wise and tender, could have done. It even seemed to give +her strength and courage; she did not know how or why, but so it +was. + +She rose, and went slowly towards home. Her limbs were very +stiff, and every now and then she had to choke down an unbidden +sob. Her pupils had been long returned from church, and had +busied themselves in preparing tea--an occupation which had +probably made them feel the time less long. + +If they had ever seen a sleep-walker, they might have likened +Ruth to one for the next few days, so slow and measured did her +movements seem--so far away was her intelligence from all that +was passing around her--so hushed and strange were the tones of +her voice. They had letters from home, announcing the triumphant +return of Mr. Donne as M.P. for Eccleston. Mrs. Denbigh heard the +news without a word, and was too languid to join in the search +after purple and yellow flowers with which to deck the +sitting-room at Eagle's Crag. + +A letter from Jemima came the next day, summoning them home. Mr. +Donne and his friends had left the place, and quiet was restored +in the Bradshaw household; so it was time that Mary and +Elizabeth's holiday should cease. Mrs. Denbigh had also a +letter--a letter from Miss Benson, saying that Leonard was not +quite well. There was so much pains taken to disguise anxiety, +that it was very evident much anxiety was felt; and the girls +were almost alarmed by Ruth's sudden change from taciturn languor +to eager, vehement energy. Body and mind seemed strained to +exertion. Every plan that could facilitate packing and winding up +affairs at Abermouth, every errand and arrangement that could +expedite their departure by one minute, was done by Ruth with +stern promptitude. She spared herself in nothing. She made them +rest, made them lie down, while she herself lifted weights and +transacted business with feverish power, never resting, and +trying never to have time to think. + +For in remembrance of the Past there was Remorse--how had she +forgotten Leonard these last few days!--how had she repined and +been dull of heart to her blessing! And in anticipation of the +future there was one sharp point of red light in the darkness +which pierced her brain with agony, and which she would not see +or recognise--and saw and recognised all the more for such mad +determination--which is not the true shield against the +bitterness of the arrows of death. + +When the seaside party arrived in Eccleston, they were met by +Mrs. and Miss Bradshaw and Mr. Benson. By a firm resolution, Ruth +kept from shaping the question, "Is he alive?" as if by giving +shape to her fears she made their realisation more imminent. She +said merely, "How is he?" but she said it with drawn, tight, +bloodless lips, and in her eyes Mr. Benson read her anguish of +anxiety. + +"He is very ill, but we hope he will soon be better. It is what +every child has to go through." + + +CHAPTER XXV + + +JEMIMA MAKES A DISCOVERY + +Mr. Bradshaw had been successful in carrying his point. His +member had been returned; his proud opponents mortified. So the +public thought he ought to be well pleased; but the public were +disappointed to see that he did not show any of the gratification +they supposed him to feel. + +The truth was, that he met with so many small mortifications +during the progress of the election, that the pleasure which he +would otherwise have felt in the final success of his scheme was +much diminished. + +He had more than tacitly sanctioned bribery; and now that the +excitement was over, he regretted it: not entirely from +conscientious motives, though he was uneasy from the slight sense +of wrong-doing; but he was more pained, after all, to think that, +in the eyes of some of his townsmen, his hitherto spotless +character had received a blemish. He, who had been so stern and +severe a censor on the undue influence exercised by the opposite +party in all preceding elections, could not expect to be spared +by their adherents now, when there were rumours that the hands of +the scrupulous Dissenters were not clean. Before, it had been his +beast that neither friend nor enemy could say one word against +him; now, he was constantly afraid of an indictment for bribery, +and of being compelled to appear before a committee to swear to +his own share in the business. + +His uneasy, fearful consciousness made him stricter and sterner +than ever; as if he would quench all wondering, slanderous talk +about him in the town by a renewed austerity of uprightness: that +the slack-principled Mr. Bradshaw of one month of ferment and +excitement might not be confounded with the highly conscientious +and deeply religious Mr. Bradshaw, who went to chapel twice a +day, and gave a hundred pounds apiece to every charity in the +town, as a sort of thank-offering that his end was gained. + +But he was secretly dissatisfied with Mr. Donne. In general, that +gentleman had been rather too willing to act in accordance with +any one's advice, no matter whose; as, if he had thought it too +much trouble to weigh the wisdom of his friends, in which case +Mr. Bradshaw's would have, doubtless, proved the most valuable. +But now and then he unexpectedly, and utterly without reason, +took the conduct of affairs into his own hands, as when he had +been absent without leave only just before the day of nomination. +No one guessed whither he had gone; but the fact of his being +gone was enough to chagrin Mr. Bradshaw, who was quite ready to +have picked a quarrel on this very head if the election had not +terminated favourably. As it was, he had a feeling of +proprietorship in Mr. Donne which was not disagreeable. He had +given the new M.P. his seat; his resolution; his promptitude, his +energy, had made Mr. Donne "our member;" and Mr. Bradshaw began +to feel proud of him accordingly. But there had been no one +circumstance during this period to bind Jemima and Mr. Farquhar +together. They were still misunderstanding each other with all +their power. The difference in the result was this Jemima loved +him all the more, in spite of quarrels and coolness. He was +growing utterly weary of the petulant temper of which he was +never certain; of the reception which varied day after day, +according to the mood she was in and the thoughts that were +uppermost; and he was almost startled to find how very glad he +was that the little girls and Mrs. Denbigh were coming home. His +was a character to bask in peace; and lovely, quiet Ruth, with +her low tones and soft replies, her delicate waving movements, +appeared to him the very type of what a woman should be--a calm, +serene soul, fashioning the body to angelic grace. + +It was, therefore, with no slight interest that Mr. Farquhar +inquired daily after the health of little Leonard. He asked at +the Bensons' house; and Sally answered him, with swollen and +tearful eyes, that the child was very bad--very bad indeed. He +asked at the doctor's; and the doctor told him, in a few short +words, that "it was only a bad kind of measles and that the lad +might have a struggle for it, but he thought he would get +through. Vigorous children carried their force into everything; +never did things by halves; if they were ill, they were sure to +be in a high fever directly; if they were well, there was no +peace in the house for their rioting. For his part," continued +the doctor, "he thought he was glad he had had no children; as +far as he could judge, they were pretty much all plague and no +profit." But as he ended his speech he sighed; and Mr. Farquhar +was none the less convinced that common report was true, which +represented the clever, prosperous surgeon of Eccleston as +bitterly disappointed at his failure of offspring. + +While these various interests and feelings had their course +outside the Chapel-house, within there was but one thought which +possessed all the inmates. When Sally was not cooking for the +little invalid, she was crying; for she had had a dream about +green rushes, not three months ago, which, by some queer process +of oneiromancy, she interpreted to mean the death of a child; and +all Miss Benson's endeavours were directed to making her keep +silence to Ruth about this dream. Sally thought that the mother +ought to be told. What were dreams sent for but for warnings? But +it was just like a pack of Dissenters, who would not believe +anything like other folks. Miss Benson was too much accustomed to +Sally's contempt for Dissenters, as viewed from the pinnacle of +the Establishment, to pay much attention to all this grumbling; +especially as Sally was willing to take as much trouble about +Leonard as if she believed he was going to live, and that his +recovery depended upon her care. Miss Benson's great object was +to keep her from having any confidential talks with Ruth; as if +any repetition of the dream could have deepened the conviction in +Ruth's mind that the child would die. + +It seemed to her that his death would only be the fitting +punishment for the state of indifference towards him--towards +life and death--towards all things earthly or divine, into which +she had suffered herself to fall since her last interview with +Mr. Donne. She did not understand that such exhaustion is but the +natural consequence of violent agitation and severe tension of +feeling. The only relief she experienced was in constantly +serving Leonard; she had almost an animal's jealousy lest any one +should come between her and her young. Mr. Benson saw this +jealous suspicion, although he could hardly understand it; but he +calmed his sister's wonder and officious kindness, so that the +two patiently and quietly provided all that Ruth might want, but +did not interfere with her right to nurse Leonard. But when he +was recovering, Mr. Benson, with the slight tone of authority he +knew how to assume when need was, bade Ruth lie down and take +some rest, while his sister watched. Ruth did not answer, but +obeyed in a dull, weary kind of surprise at being so commanded. +She lay down by her child, gazing her fill at his calm slumber; +and, as she gazed, her large white eye lids were softly pressed +down as with a gentle, irresistible weight, and she fell asleep. +She dreamed that she was once more on the lonely shore, striving +to carry away Leonard from some pursuer--some human pursuer--she +knew he was human, and she knew who he was, although she dared +not say his name even to herself, he seemed so close and present, +gaining on her flying footsteps, rushing after her as with the +sound of the roaring tide. Her feet seemed heavy weights fixed to +the ground; they would not move. All at once, just near the +shore, a great black whirlwind of waves clutched her back to her +pursuer; she threw Leonard on to land, which was safety; but +whether he reached it or no, or was swept back like her into a +mysterious something too dreadful to be borne, she did not know, +for the terror awakened her. At first the dream seemed yet a +reality, and she thought that the pursuer was couched even there, +in that very room, and the great boom of the sea was still in her +ears. But as full consciousness returned, she saw herself safe in +the dear old room--the haven of rest--the shelter from storms. A +bright fire was glowing in the little old-fashioned, cup-shaped +grate, niched into a corner of the wall, and guarded on either +side by whitewashed bricks, which served for bobs. On one of +these the kettle hummed and buzzed, within two points of boiling +whenever she or Leonard required tea. In her dream that home-like +sound had been the roar of the relentless sea, creeping swiftly +on to seize its prey. Miss Benson sat by the fire, motionless and +still; it was too dark to read any longer without a candle; but +yet on the ceiling and upper part of the walls the golden light +of the setting sun was slowly moving--so slow, and yet a motion +gives the feeling of rest to the weary yet more than perfect +stillness. The old clock on the staircase told its monotonous +click-clack, in that soothing way which more marked the quiet of +the house than disturbed with any sense of sound. Leonard still +slept that renovating slumber, almost in her arms, far from that +fatal pursuing sea, with its human form of cruelty. The dream was +a vision; the reality which prompted the dream was over and +past--Leonard was safe--she was safe; all this loosened the +frozen springs, and they gushed forth in her heart, and her lips +moved in accordance with her thoughts. + +"What were you saying, my darling?" said Miss Benson, who caught +sight of the motion, and fancied she was asking for something. +Miss Benson bent over the side of the bed on which Ruth lay, to +catch the low tones of her voice. + +"I only said," replied Ruth timidly, "thank God! I have so much +to thank Him for you don't know." + +"My dear, I am sure we have all of us cause to be thankful that +our boy is spared. See! he is wakening up; and we will have a cup +of tea together. Leonard strode on to perfect health; but he was +made older in character and looks by his severe illness. He grew +tall and thin, and the lovely child was lost in the handsome boy. +He began to wonder and to question. Ruth mourned a little over +the vanished babyhood, when she was all in all, and over the +childhood, whose petals had fallen away; it seemed as though two +of her children were gone--the one an infant, the other a bright, +thoughtless darling; and she wished that they could have remained +quick in her memory for ever, instead of being absorbed in loving +pride for the present boy. But these were only fanciful regrets, +flitting like shadows across a mirror. Peace and thankfulness +were once more the atmosphere of her mind; nor was her +unconsciousness disturbed by any suspicion of Mr. Farquhar's +increasing approbation and admiration, which he was diligently +nursing up into love for her. She knew that he had sent--she did +not know how often he had brought--fruit for the convalescent +Leonard. She heard, on her return from her daily employment, that +Mr. Farquhar had bought a little gentle pony on which Leonard, +weak as he was, might ride. To confess the truth, her maternal +pride was such that she thought that all kindness shown to such a +boy as Leonard was but natural; she believed him to be + +"A child whom all that locked on, loved." + +As in truth he was; and the proof of this was daily shown in many +kind inquiries, and many thoughtful little offerings, besides Mr. +Farquhar's. The poor (warm and kind of heart to all sorrow common +to humanity) were touched with pity for the young widow, whose +only child lay ill, and nigh unto death. They brought what they +could--a fresh egg, when eggs were scarce--a few ripe pears that +grew on the sunniest side of the humblest cottage, where the +fruit was regarded as a source of income--a call of inquiry, and +a prayer that God would spare the child, from an old crippled +woman, who could scarcely drag herself so far as the +Chapel-house, yet felt her worn and weary heart stirred with a +sharp pang of sympathy, and a very present remembrance of the +time when she too was young, and saw the life-breath quiver out +of her child, now an angel in that heaven which felt more like +home to the desolate old creature than this empty earth. To all +such, when Leonard was better, Ruth went, and thanked them from +her heart. She and the old cripple sat hand in hand over the +scanty fire on the hearth of the latter, while she told in +solemn, broken, homely words, how her child sickened and died. +Tears fell like rain down Ruth's cheeks; but those of the old +woman were dry. All tears had been wept out of her long ago, and +now she sat patient and quiet, waiting for death. But after this +Ruth "clave unto her," and the two were henceforward a pair of +friends. Mr. Farquhar was only included in the general gratitude +which she felt towards all who had been kind to her boy. + +The winter passed away in deep peace after the storms of the +autumn, yet every now and then a feeling of insecurity made Ruth +shake for an instant. Those wild autumnal storms had torn aside +the quiet flowers and herbage that had gathered over the wreck of +her early life, and shown her that all deeds, however hidden and +long passed by, have their eternal consequences. She turned sick +and faint whenever Mr. Donne's name was casually mentioned. No +one saw it; but she felt the miserable stop in her heart's +beating, and wished that she could prevent it by any exercise of +self-command. She had never named his identity with Mr. +Bellingham, nor had she spoken about the seaside interview. Deep +shame made her silent and reserved on all her life before +Leonard's birth; from that time she rose again in her +self-respect, and spoke as openly as a child (when need was) of +all occurrences which had taken place since then; except that she +could not, and would not, tell of this mocking echo, this +haunting phantom, this past, that would not rest in its grave. +The very circumstance that it was stalking abroad in the world, +and might reappear at any moment, made her a coward: she trembled +away from contemplating what the reality had been; only, she +clung more faithfully than before to the thought of the great +God, who was a rock in the dreary land, where no shadow was. + +Autumn and winter, with their lowering skies, were less dreary +than the woeful, desolate feelings that shed a gloom on Jemima. +She found too late that she had considered Mr. Farquhar so +securely her own for so long a time, that her heart refused to +recognize him as lost to her, unless her reason went through the +same weary, convincing, miserable evidence day after day, and +hour after hour. He never spoke to her now, except from common +civility. He never cared for her contradictions; he never tried, +with patient perseverance, to bring her over to his opinions; he +never used the wonted wiles (so tenderly remembered now they had +no existence but in memory) to bring her round out of some wilful +mood--and such moods were common enough now! Frequently she was +sullenly indifferent to the feelings of others--not from any +unkindness, but because her heart seemed numb and stony, and +incapable of sympathy. Then afterwards her self-reproach was +terrible--in the dead of night when no one saw it. With a strange +perversity, the only intelligence she cared to hear, the only +sights she cared to see, were the circumstances which gave +confirmation to the idea that Mr. Farquhar was thinking of Ruth +for a wife. She craved with stinging curiosity to hear something +of their affairs every day; partly because the torture which such +intelligence gave was almost a relief from the deadness of her +heart to all other interests. + +And so spring (gioventu dell'anno) came back to her, bringing all +the contrasts which spring alone can bring to add to the +heaviness of the soul. The little winged creatures filled the air +with bursts of joy; the vegetation came bright and hopefully +onwards, without any check of nipping frost. The ash-trees in the +Bradshaws' garden were out in leaf by the middle of May, which +that year wore more the aspect of summer than most Junes do. The +sunny weather mocked Jemima, and the unusual warmth oppressed her +physical powers. She felt very weak and languid; she was acutely +sensible that no one else noticed her want of strength; father, +mother, all seemed too full of other things to care, if, as she +believed, her life was waning. She herself felt glad that it was +so. But her delicacy was not unnoticed by all. Her mother often +anxiously asked her husband if he did not think Jemima was +looking ill; nor did his affirmation to the contrary satisfy her, +as most of his affirmations did. She thought every morning, +before she got up, how she could tempt Jemima to eat, by ordering +some favourite dainty for dinner; in many other little ways she +tried to minister to her child; but the poor girl's own abrupt +irritability of temper had made her mother afraid of openly +speaking to her about her health. + +Ruth, too, saw that Jemima was not looking well. How she had +become an object of dislike to her former friend she did not +know; but she was sensible that Miss Bradshaw disliked her now. +She was not aware that this feeling was growing and strengthening +almost into repugnance, for she seldom saw Jemima out of +school-hours, and then only for a minute or two. But the evil +element of a fellow-creature's dislike oppressed the atmosphere +of her life. That fellow-creature was one who had once loved her +so fondly, and whom she still loved, although she had learnt to +fear her, as we fear those whose faces cloud over when we come in +sight--who cast unloving glances at us, of which we, though not +seeing, are conscious, as of some occult influence; and the cause +of whose dislike is unknown to us, though every word and action +seems to increase it. I believe that this sort of dislike is only +shown by the jealous, and that it renders the disliker even more +miserable, because more continually conscious than the object; +but the growing evidences of Jemima's feeling made Ruth very +unhappy at times. This very May, too, an idea had come into her +mind, which she had tried to repress--namely, that Mr. Farquhar +was in love with her. It annoyed her extremely; it made her +reproach herself that she ever should think such a thing +possible. She tried to strangle the notion, to drown it, to +starve it out by neglect--its existence caused her such pain and +distress. + +The worst was, he had won Leonard's heart, who was constantly +seeking him out; or, when absent, talking about him. The best was +some journey connected with business, which would take him to the +Continent for several weeks; and, during that time, surely this +disagreeable fancy of his would die away, if untrue; and if true, +some way would be opened by which she might put a stop to all +increase of predilection on his part, and yet retain him as a +friend for Leonard--that darling for whom she was far-seeing and +covetous, and miserly of every scrap of love and kindly regard. + +Mr. Farquhar would not have been flattered, if he had known how +much his departure contributed to Ruth's rest of mind on the +Saturday afternoon on which he set out on his journey. It was a +beautiful day; the sky of that intense quivering blue, which +seemed as though you could look through it for ever, yet not +reach the black, infinite space which is suggested as lying +beyond. Now and then, a thin, torn, vaporous cloud floated slowly +within the vaulted depth; but the soft air that gently wafted it +was not perceptible among the leaves on the trees, which did not +even tremble. Ruth sat at her work in the shadow formed by the +old grey garden wall; Miss Benson and Sally--the one in the +parlour window-seat mending stockings, the other hard at work in +her kitchen--were both within talking distance, for it was +weather for open doors and windows; but none of the three kept up +any continued conversation; and in the intervals Ruth sang low a +brooding song, such as she remembered her mother singing long +ago. Now and then she stopped to look at Leonard, who was +labouring away with vehement energy at digging over a small plot +of ground, where he meant to prick out some celery plants that +had been given to him. Ruth's heart warmed at the earnest, +spirited way in which he thrust his large spade deep down into +the brown soil his ruddy face glowing, his curly hair wet with +the exertion; and yet she sighed to think that the days were over +when her deeds of skill could give him pleasure. Now, his delight +was in acting himself; last year, not fourteen months ago, he had +watched her making a daisy-chain for him, as if he could not +admire her cleverness enough; this year, this week, when she had +been devoting every spare hour to the simple tailoring which she +performed for her boy (she had always made every article he wore, +and felt almost jealous of the employment), he had come to her +with a wistful look, and asked when he might begin to have +clothes made by a man? + +Ever since the Wednesday when she had accompanied Mary and +Elizabeth, at Mrs. Bradshaw's desire, to be measured for spring +clothes by the new Eccleston dress-maker, she had been looking +forward to this Saturday afternoon's pleasure of making summer +trousers for Leonard; but the satisfaction of the employment was +a little taken away by Leonard's speech. It was a sign, however, +that her life was very quiet and peaceful, that she had leisure +to think upon the thing at. all; and often she forgot it entirely +in her low, chanting song, or in listening to the thrush warbling +out his afternoon ditty to his patient mate in the holly-bush +below. + +The distant rumble of carts through the busy streets (it was +market-day) not only formed a low rolling bass to the nearer and +pleasanter sounds, but enhanced the sense of peace by the +suggestion of the contrast afforded to the repose of the garden +by the bustle not far off. + +But, besides physical din and bustle, there is mental strife and +turmoil. That afternoon, as Jemima was restlessly wandering about +the house, her mother desired her to go on an errand to Mrs. +Pearson's, the new dressmaker, in order to give some directions +about her sisters' new frocks. Jemima went, rather than have the +trouble of resisting; or else she would have preferred staying at +home, moving or being outwardly quiet according to her own fitful +will. Mrs. Bradshaw, who, as I have said, had been aware for some +time that something was wrong with her daughter, and was very +anxious to set it to rights if she only knew how, had rather +planned this errand with a view to dispel Jemima's melancholy. + +"And, Mimie dear," said her mother, "when you are there, look out +for a new bonnet for yourself; she has got some very pretty ones, +and your old one is so shabby." + +"It does for me, mother," said Jemima heavily. "I don't want a +new bonnet." + +"But I want you to have one, my lassie. I want my girl to look +well and nice." There was something of homely tenderness in Mrs. +Bradshaw's tone that touched Jemima's heart. She went to her +mother, and kissed her with more of affection than she had shown +to any one for weeks before; and the kiss was returned with warm +fondness. + +"I think you love me, mother," said Jemima. + +"We all love you, dear, if you would but think so. And if you +want anything, or wish for anything, only tell me, and with a +little patience, I can get your father to give it you, I know. +Only be happy, there's a good girl." + +"Be happy! as if one could by an effort of will!" thought Jemima +as she went along the street, too absorbed in herself to notice +the bows of acquaintances and friends, but instinctively guiding +herself right among the throng and press of carts, and gigs, and +market people in High Street. + +But her mother's tones and looks, with their comforting power, +remained longer in her recollection than the inconsistency of any +words spoken. When she had completed her errand about the frocks, +she asked to look at some bonnets, in order to show her +recognition of her mother's kind thought. + +Mrs. Pearson was a smart, clever-looking woman of five or six and +thirty. She had all the variety of small-talk at her finger-ends, +that was formerly needed by barbers to amuse the people who came +to be shaved. She had admired the town till Jemima was weary of +its praises, sick and oppressed by its sameness, as she had been +these many weeks. + +"Here are some bonnets, ma'am, that will be just the thing for +you--elegant and tasty, yet quite of the simple style, suitable +to young ladies. Oblige me by trying on this white silk!" + +Jemima looked at herself in the glass; she was obliged to own it +was very becoming, and perhaps not the less so for the flush of +modest shame which came into her cheeks, as she heard Mrs. +Pearson's open praises of the "rich, beautiful hair," and the +"Oriental eyes" of the wearer. + +"I induced the young lady who accompanied your sisters the other +day--the governess, is she, ma'am?" + +"Yes--Mrs. Denbigh is her name," said Jemima, clouding over. + +"Thank you, ma'am. Well, I persuaded Mrs. Denbigh to try on that +bonnet, and you can't think how charming she looked in it; and +yet I don't think it became her as much as it does you." + +"Mrs. Denbigh is very beautiful," said Jemima, taking off the +bonnet, and not much inclined to try on any other. + +"Very, ma'am. Quite a peculiar style of beauty. If I might be +allowed, I should say that hers was a Grecian style of +loveliness, while yours was Oriental. She reminded me of a young +person I once knew in Fordham." Mrs. Pearson sighed an audible +sigh. + +"In Fordham!" said Jemima, remembering that Ruth had once spoken +of the place as one in which she had spent some time, while the +county in which it was situated was the same in which Ruth was +born. "In Fordham! Why, I think Mrs. Denbigh comes from that +neighbourhood." + +"Oh, ma'am! she cannot be the young person I mean--I am sure, +ma'am--holding the position she does in your establishment. I +should hardly say I knew her myself; for I only saw her two or +three times at my sister's house; but she was so remarked for her +beauty, that I remember her face quite well--the more so, on +account of her vicious conduct afterwards." + +"Her vicious conduct!" repeated Jemima, convinced by these words +that there could be no identity between Ruth and "young person" +alluded to. "Then it could not have been our Mrs. Denbigh." + +"Oh no, ma'am! I am sure I should be sorry to be understood to +have suggested anything of the kind. I beg your pardon if I did +so. All I meant to say--and perhaps that was a liberty I ought +not to have taken, considering what Ruth Hilton was----" + +"Ruth Hilton!" said Jemima, turning suddenly round, and facing +Mrs. Pearson. + +"Yes, ma'am, that was the name of the young person I allude to." + +"Tell me about her--what did she do?" asked Jemima, subduing her +eagerness of tone and look as best she might, but trembling as on +the verge of some strange discovery. + +"I don't know whether I ought to tell you, ma'am--it is hardly a +fit story for a young lady; but this Ruth Hilton was an +apprentice to my sister-in-law, who had a first-rate business in +Fordham, which brought her a good deal of patronage from the +county families; and this young creature was very artful and +bold, and thought sadly too much of her beauty; and, somehow, she +beguiled a young gentleman, who took her into keeping (I am sure, +ma'am, I ought to apologise for polluting your ears)----" + +"Go on," said Jemima breathlessly. + +"I don't know much more. His mother followed him into Wales. She +was a lady of a great deal of religion, and a very old family, +and was much shocked at her son's misfortune in being captivated +by such a person; but she led him to repentance, and took him to +Paris, where, I think, she died; but I am not sure, for, owing to +family differences, I have not been on terms for some years with +my sister-in-law, who was my informant." + +"Who died?" interrupted Jemima--"the young man's mother, or--or +Ruth Hilton?" + +"Oh dear, ma'am! pray don't confuse the two. It was the mother, +Mrs. ---- I forget the name--something like Billington. It was +the lady who died." + +"And what became of the other?" asked Jemima, unable, as her dark +suspicion seemed thickening, to speak the name. + +"The girl? Why, ma'am, what could become of her? Not that I know +exactly--only one knows they can but go from bad to worse, poor +creatures! God forgive me, if I am speaking too transiently of +such degraded women, who, after all, are a disgrace to our sex." + +"Then you know nothing more about her?" asked Jemima. + +"I did hear that she had gone off with another gentleman that she +met with in Wales, but I'm sure I can't tell who told me." + +There was a little pause. Jemima was pondering on all she had +heard. Suddenly she felt that Mrs. Pearson's eyes were upon her, +watching her; not with curiosity, but with a newly-awakened +intelligence;--and yet she must ask one more question; but she +tried to ask it in an Indifferent, careless tone, handling the +bonnet while she spoke. + +"How long is it since all this--all you have been telling me +about--happened!" (Leonard was eight years old.) + +"Why--let me see. It was before I was married, and I was married +three years, and poor dear Pearson has been deceased five--I +should say going on for nine years this summer. Blush roses would +become your complexion, perhaps, better than these lilacs," said +she, as with superficial observation she watched Jemima turning +the bonnet round and round on her hand--the bonnet that her dizzy +eyes did not see. + +"Thank you. It is very pretty. But I don't want a bonnet. I beg +your pardon for taking up your time." And with an abrupt bow to +the discomfited Mrs. Pearson, she was out and away in the open +air, threading her way with instinctive energy along the crowded +street. Suddenly she turned round, and went back to Mrs. +Pearson's with even more rapidity than she had been walking away +from the house. + +"I have changed my mind," said she, as she came, breathless, up +into the show-room. "I will take the bonnet. How much is it?" + +"Allow me to change the flowers; it can be done in an instant, +and then you can see if you would not prefer the roses; but with +either foliage it is a lovely little bonnet," said Mrs. Pearson, +holding it up admiringly on her hand. + +"Oh! never mind the flowers--yes! change them to the roses." And +she stood by, agitated (Mrs. Pearson thought with impatience), +all the time the milliner was making the alteration with skilful, +busy haste. + +"By the way," said Jemima, when she saw the last touches were +being given, and that she must not delay executing the purpose +which was the real cause of her return--"Papa, I am sure, would +not like your connecting Mrs. Denbigh's name with such a--story +as you have been telling me." + +"Oh dear! ma'am, I have too much respect for you all to think of +doing such a thing! Of course I know, ma'am, that it is not to be +cast up to any lady that she is like any-body disreputable." + +"But I would rather you did not name the likeness to any one," +said Jemima; "not to any one. Don't tell any one the story you +have told me this morning." + +"Indeed, ma'am, I should never think of such a thing! My poor +husband could have borne witness that I am as close as the grave +where there is anything to conceal." + +"Oh dear!" said Jemima, "Mrs. Pearson, there is nothing to +conceal; only you must not speak about it." + +"I certainly shall not do it, ma'am; you may rest assured of me." + +This time Jemima did not go towards home, but in the direction of +the outskirts of the town, on the hilly side. She had some dim +recollection of hearing her sisters ask if they might not go and +invite Leonard and his mother to tea; and how could she face +Ruth, after the conviction had taken possession of her heart that +she, and the sinful creature she bad just heard of, were one and +the same? It was yet only the middle of the afternoon; the hours +were early in the old-fashioned town of Eccleston. Soft white +clouds had come slowly sailing up out of the west; the plain was +flecked with thin floating shadows, gently borne along by the +westerly wind that was waving the long grass in the hay-fields +into alternate light and shade. Jemima went into one of these +fields, lying by the side of the upland road. She was stunned by +the shock she had received. The diver leaving the green sward, +smooth and known, where his friends stand with their familiar +smiling faces, admiring his glad bravery--the diver, down in an +instant in the horrid depths of the sea, close to some strange, +ghastly, lidless-eyed monster, can hardly more feel his blood +curdle at the near terror than did Jemima now. Two hours ago--but +a point of time on her mind's dial--she had never Imagined that +she should ever come in contact with any one who had committed +open sin; she had never shaped her conviction into words and +sentences, but still it was there, that all the respectable, all +the family and religious circumstances of her life, would hedge +her in, and guard her from ever encountering the great shock of +coming face to face with Vice. Without being pharisaical in her +estimation of herself, she had all a Pharisee's dread of +publicans and sinners, and all a child's cowardliness--that +cowardliness which prompts it to shut its eyes against the object +of terror, rather than acknowledge its existence with brave +faith. Her father's often reiterated speeches had not been +without their effect. He drew a clear line of partition, which +separated mankind into two great groups, to one of which, by the +grace of God, he and his belonged; while the other was composed +of those whom it was his duty to try and reform, and bring the +whole force of his morality to bear upon, with lectures, +admonitions, and exhortations--a duty to be performed, because it +was a duty--but with very little of that Hope and Faith which is +the Spirit that maketh alive. Jemima had rebelled against these +hard doctrines of her father's, but their frequent repetition had +had its effect, and led her to look upon those who had gone +astray with shrinking, shuddering recoil, instead of with a pity +so Christ-like as to have both wisdom and tenderness in it. + +And now she saw among her own familiar associates one, almost her +house-fellow, who had been stained with that evil most repugnant +to her womanly modesty, that would fain have ignored its +existence altogether. She loathed the thought of meeting Ruth +again. She wished that she could take her up, and put her down at +a distance somewhere--anywhere--where she might never see or hear +of her more; never be reminded, as she must be whenever she saw +her, that such things were in this sunny, bright, lark-singing +earth, over which the blue dome of heaven bent softly down as +Jemima sat in the hay-field that June afternoon; her cheeks +flushed and red, but her lips pale and compressed, and her eyes +full of a heavy, angry sorrow. It was Saturday, and the people in +that part of the country left their work an hour earlier on that +day. By this, Jemima knew it must be growing time for her to be +at home. She had had so much of conflict in her own mind of late, +that she had grown to dislike struggle, or speech, or +explanation; and so strove to conform to times and hours much +more than she had done in happier days. But oh! how full of hate +her heart was growing against the world! And oh! how she sickened +at the thought of seeing Ruth! Who was to be trusted more, if +Ruth--calm, modest, delicate, dignified Ruth--had a memory +blackened by sin? As she went heavily along, the thought of Mr. +Farquhar came into her mind. It showed how terrible had been the +stun, that he had been forgotten until now. With the thought of +him came in her first merciful feeling towards Ruth. This would +never have been, had there been the least latent suspicion in +Jemima's jealous mind that Ruth had purposely done aught--looked +a look--uttered a word--modulated a tone--for the sake of +attracting. As Jemima recalled all the passages of their +intercourse, she slowly confessed to herself how pure and simple +had been all Ruth's ways in relation to Mr. Farquhar. It was not +merely that there had been no coquetting, but there had been +simple unconsciousness on Ruth's part, for so long a time after +Jemima bad discovered Mr. Farquhar's inclination for her; and, +when at length she had slowly awakened to some perception of the +state of his feelings, there had been a modest, shrinking dignity +of manner, not startled, or emotional, or even timid, but pure, +grave, and quiet; and this conduct of Ruth's Jemima instinctively +acknowledged to be of necessity transparent and sincere. Now, and +here, there was no hypocrisy; but some time, somewhere, on the +part of somebody, what hypocrisy, what lies must have been acted, +if not absolutely spoken, before Ruth could have been received by +them all as the sweet, gentle, girlish widow, which she +remembered they had all believed Mrs. Denbigh to be when first +she came among them! Could Mr. and Miss Benson know? Could they +be a party to the deceit? Not sufficiently acquainted with the +world to understand how strong had been the temptation to play +the part they did, if they wished to give Ruth a chance, Jemima +could not believe them guilty of such deceit as the knowledge of +Mrs. Denbigh's previous conduct would imply; and yet how it +darkened the latter into a treacherous hypocrite, with a black +secret shut up in her soul for years--living in apparent +confidence, and daily household familiarity with the Bensons for +years, yet never telling the remorse that ought to be corroding +her heart! Who was true? Who was not? Who was good and pure? Who +was not? The very foundations of Jemima's belief in her mind were +shaken. + +Could it be false? Could there be two Ruth Hiltons? She went over +every morsel of evidence. It could not be. She knew that Mrs. +Denbigh's former name had been Hilton. She had heard her speak +casually, but charily, of having lived in Fordham. She knew she +had been in Wales but a short time before she made her appearance +in Eccleston. There was no doubt of the identity. Into the middle +of Jemima's pain and horror at the afternoon's discovery, there +came a sense of the power which the knowledge of this secret gave +her over Ruth; but this was no relief, only an aggravation of the +regret with which Jemima looked back on her state of ignorance. +It was no wonder that when she arrived at home, she was so +oppressed with headache that she had to go to bed directly. + +"Quiet, mother! quiet, dear, dear mother" (for she clung to the +known and tried goodness of her mother more than ever now), "that +is all I want." And she was left to the stillness of her darkened +room, the blinds idly flapping to and fro in the soft evening +breeze, and letting in the rustling sound of the branches which +waved close to her window, and the thrush's gurgling warble, and +the distant hum of the busy town. + +Her jealousy was gone--she knew not how or where. She might shun +and recoil from Ruth, but she now thought that she could never +more be jealous of her. In her pride of innocence, she felt +almost ashamed that such a feeling could have had existence. +Could Mr. Farquhar hesitate between her own self and one who---- +No! she could not name what Ruth had been, even in thought. And +yet he might never know, so fair a seeming did her rival wear. +Oh! for one ray of God's holy light to know what was seeming, and +what was truth, in this traitorous hollow earth! It might be--she +used to think such things possible, before sorrow had embittered +her--that Ruth had worked her way through the deep purgatory of +repentance up to something like purity again; God only knew! If +her present goodness was real--if, after having striven back thus +far on the heights, a fellow-woman was to throw her down into +some terrible depth with her unkind, incontinent tongue, that +would be too cruel! And yet, if--there was such woeful +uncertainty and deceit somewhere--if Ruth----No! that, Jemima +with noble candour admitted, was impossible. Whatever Ruth had +been, she was good, and to be respected as such, now. It did not +follow that Jemima was to preserve the secret always; she doubted +her own power to do so, if Mr. Farquhar came home again, and were +still constant in his admiration of Mrs. Denbigh, and if Mrs. +Denbigh gave him any--the least encouragement. But this last she +thought, from what she knew of Ruth's character, was impossible. +Only, what was impossible after this afternoon's discovery? At +any rate, she would watch and wait. Come what might, Ruth was in +her power. And, strange to say, this last certainty gave Jemima a +kind of protecting, almost pitying, feeling for Ruth. Her horror +at the wrong was not diminished; but, the more she thought of the +struggles that the wrong-doer must have made to extricate +herself, the more she felt how cruel it would be to baffle all by +revealing what had been. But for her sisters' sake she had a duty +to perform; she must watch Ruth. For her lover's sake she could +not have helped watching; but she was too much stunned to +recognise the force of her love, while duty seemed the only +stable thing to cling to. For the present she would neither +meddle nor mar in Ruth's course of life. + + +CHAPTER XXVI + + +MR. BRADSHAW'S VIRTUOUS INDIGNATION + +So it was that Jemima no longer avoided Ruth, nor manifested by +word or look the dislike which for a long time she had been +scarce concealing. Ruth could not help noticing that Jemima +always sought to be in her presence while she was at Mr. +Bradshaw's house; either when daily teaching Mary and Elizabeth, +or when she came as an occasional visitor with Mr. and Miss +Benson, or by herself. Up to this time Jemima had used no gentle +skill to conceal the abruptness with which she would leave the +room rather than that Ruth and she should be brought into +contact--rather than that it should fall to her lot to entertain +Ruth during any part of the evening. It was months since Jemima +had left off sitting in the schoolroom, as had been her wont +during the first few years of Ruth's governess-ship. Now, each +morning Miss Bradshaw seated herself at a little round table in +the window, at her work, or at her writing; but, whether she +sewed, or wrote, or read, Ruth felt that she was always +watching--watching. At first Ruth had welcomed all these changes +in habit and behaviour, as giving her a chance, she thought, by +some patient waiting or some opportune show of enduring, constant +love, to regain her lost friend's regard; but by-and-by the icy +chillness, immovable and grey, struck more to her heart than many +sudden words of unkindness could have done. They might be +attributed to the hot impulses of a hasty temper--to the vehement +anger of an accuser; but this measured manner was the conscious +result of some deep-seated feeling; this cold sternness befitted +the calm implacability of some severe judge. The watching, which +Ruth felt was ever upon her, made her unconsciously shiver, as +you would if you saw that the passionless eyes of the dead were +visibly gazing upon you. Her very being shrivelled and parched up +in Jemima's presence, as if blown upon by a bitter, keen east +wind. + +Jemima bent every power she possessed upon the one object of +ascertaining what Ruth really was. Sometimes the strain was very +painful; the constant tension made her soul weary; and she moaned +aloud, and upbraided circumstance (she dared not go higher--to +the Maker of circumstance) for having deprived her of her +unsuspicious, happy ignorance. + +Things were in this state when Mr. Richard Bradshaw came on his +annual home visit. He was to remain another year in London, and +then to return and be admitted into the firm. After he had been a +week at home he grew tired of the monotonous regularity of his +father's household, and began to complain of it to Jemima. + +"I wish Farquhar were at home. Though he is such a stiff, quiet +old fellow, his coming in in the evenings makes a change. What +has become of the Millses? They used to drink tea with us +sometimes, formerly." + +"Oh! papa and Mr. Mills took opposite sides at the election, and +we have never visited since. I don't think they are any great +loss." Anybody is a loss--the stupidest bore that ever was would +be a blessing, if he only would come in sometimes." + +"Mr. and Miss Benson have drunk tea here twice since you came." + +"Come, that's capital! Apropos of stupid bores, you talk of the +Bensons. I did not think you had so much discrimination, my +little sister." + +Jemima looked up in surprise; and then reddened angrily. + +"I never meant to say a word against Mr. or Miss Benson, and that +you know quite well, Dick." + +"Never mind! I won't tell tales. They are stupid old fogeys, but +they are better than nobody, especially as that handsome +governess of the girls always comes with them to be looked at." + +There was a little pause; Richard broke it by saying-- + +"Do you know, Mimie, I've a notion, if she plays her cards well, +she may hook Farquhar!" + +"Who?" asked Jemima shortly, though she knew quite well. + +"Mrs. Denbigh, to be sure. We were talking of her, you know. +Farquhar asked me to dine with him at his hotel as he passed +through town, and--I'd my own reasons for going and trying to +creep up his sleeve--I wanted him to tip me, as he used to do." + +"For shame! Dick," burst in Jemima. + +"Well, well! not tip me exactly, but lend me some money. The +governor keeps me deucedly short." + +"Why! it was only yesterday, when my father was speaking about +your expenses, and your allowance, I heard you say that you'd +more than you knew how to spend." + +"Don't you see that was the perfection of art? If my father had +thought me extravagant, he would have kept me in with a tight +rein; as it is, I'm in great hopes of a handsome addition, and I +can tell you it's needed. If my father had given me what I ought +to have had at first, I should not have been driven to the +speculations and messes I've got into." + +"What speculations? What messes?" asked Jemima, with anxious +eagerness. + +"Oh! messes was not the right word. Speculations hardly was; for +they are sure to turn out well, and then I shall surprise my +father with my riches." He saw that he had gone a little too far +in his confidence, and was trying to draw in. "But what do you +mean? Do explain it to me." + +"Never you trouble your head about my business, my dear. Women +can't understand the share-market, and such things. Don't think +I've forgotten the awful blunders you made when you tried to read +the state of the money-market aloud to my father that night when +he had lost his spectacles. What were we talking of? Oh! of +Farquhar and pretty Mrs. Denbigh. Yes! I soon found out that was +the subject my gentleman liked me to dwell on. He did not talk +about her much himself, but his eyes sparkled when I told him +what enthusiastic letters Polly and Elizabeth wrote about her. +How old do you think she is?" + +"I know!" said Jemima. "At least I heard her age spoken about, +amongst other things, when first she came. She will be +five-and-twenty this autumn." + +"And Farquhar is forty, if he is a day. She's young, too, to have +such a boy as Leonard; younger-looking, or full as young-looking +as she is! I tell you what, Mimie, she looks younger than you. +How old are you? Three-and-twenty, ain't it?" + +"Last March," replied Jemima. + +"You'll have to make haste and pick up somebody, if you're losing +your good looks at this rate. Why, Jemima, I thought you had a +good chance of Farquhar a year or two ago. How come you to have +lost him? I'd far rather you'd had him than that proud, haughty +Mrs. Denbigh, who flashes her great grey eyes upon me if ever I +dare to pay her a compliment. She ought to think it an honour +that I take that much notice of her. Besides, Farquhar is rich, +and it's keeping the business of the firm in one's own family; +and if he marries Mrs. Denbigh she will be sure to be wanting +Leonard in when he's of age, and I won't have that. Have a try +for Farquhar, Mimie! Ten to one it's not too late. I wish I'd +brought you a pink bonnet down. You go about 'so dowdy--so +careless of how you look." + +"If Mr. Farquhar has not liked me as I am," said Jemima, choking, +"I don't want to owe him to a pink bonnet." + +"Nonsense! I don't like to have my sisters' governess stealing a +march on my sister. I tell you Farquhar is worth trying for. If +you'll wear the pink bonnet I'll give it to you, and I'll back +you against Mrs. Denbigh. I think you might have done something +with 'our member,' as my father calls him, when you had him so +long in the house. But, altogether, I should like Farquhar best +for a brother-in-law. By the way, have you heard down here that +Donne is going to be married? I heard of it in town, just before +I left, from a man that was good authority. Some Sir Thomas +Campbell's seventh daughter: a girl without a penny; father +ruined himself by gambling, and obliged to live abroad. But Donne +is not a man to care for any obstacle, from all accounts, when +once he has taken a fancy. It was love at first sight, they say. +I believe he did not know of her existence a month ago." + +"No! we have not heard of it," replied Jemima. "My father will +like to know; tell it him;" continued she, as she was leaving the +room, to be alone, in order to still her habitual agitation +whenever she heard Mr. Farquhar and Ruth coupled together. + +Mr. Farquhar came home the day before Richard Bradshaw left for +town. He dropped in after tea at the Bradshaws'; he was evidently +disappointed to see none but the family there, and looked round +whenever the door opened. + +"Look! look!" said Dick to his sister. "I wanted to make sure of +his coming in to-night, to save me my father's parting +exhortations against the temptations of the world (as if I did +not know much more of the world than he does!), so I used a spell +I thought would prove efficacious; I told him that we should be +by ourselves, with the exception of Mrs. Denbigh, and look how he +is expecting her to come in!" + +Jemima did see; did understand. She understood, too, why certain +packets were put carefully on one side, apart from the rest of +the purchases of Swiss toys and jewellery, by which Mr. Farquhar +proved that none of Mr. Bradshaw's family had been forgotten by +him during his absence. Before the end of the evening, she was +very conscious that her sore heart had not forgotten how to be +jealous. Her brother did not allow a word, a look, or an +incident, which. might be supposed on Mr. Farquhar's side to +refer to Ruth to pass unnoticed; he pointed out all to his +sister, never dreaming of the torture he was inflicting, only +anxious to prove his own extreme penetration. At length Jemima +could stand it no longer, and left the room. She went into the +schoolroom, where the shutters were not closed, as it only looked +into the garden. She opened the window, to let the cool night air +blow in on her hot cheeks. The clouds were hurrying over the +moon's face in a tempestuous and unstable manner, making all +things seem unreal; now clear out in its bright light, now +trembling and quivering in shadow. The pain at her heart seemed +to make Jemima's brain grow dull; she laid her head on her arms, +which rested on the window-sill, and grew dizzy with the sick +weary notion that the earth was wandering lawless and aimless +through the heavens, where all seemed one tossed and whirling +wrack of clouds. It was a waking nightmare, from the uneasy +heaviness of which she was thankful to be roused by Dick's +entrance. + +"What, you are here, are you? I have been looking everywhere for +you. I wanted to ask you if you have any spare money you could +lend me for a few weeks?" + +"How much do you want?" asked Jemima, in a dull, hopeless voice. + +"Oh! the more the better. But I should be glad of any trifle, I +am kept so confoundedly short." + +When Jemima returned with her little store, even her careless, +selfish brother was struck by the wanness of her face, lighted by +the bed-candle she carried. + +"Come, Mimie, don't give it up. If I were you, I would have a +good try against Mrs. Denbigh. I'll send you the bonnet as soon +as ever I get back to town, and you pluck up a spirit, and I'll +back you against her even yet." + +It seemed to Jemima strange--and yet only a fitting part of this +strange, chaotic world--to find that her brother, who was the +last person to whom she could have given her confidence in her +own family, and almost the last person of her acquaintance to +whom she could look for real help and sympathy, should have been +the only one to hit upon the secret of her love. And the idea +passed away from his mind as quickly as all ideas not bearing +upon his own self-interests did. + +The night, the sleepless night, was so crowded and haunted by +miserable images, that she longed for day; and when day came, +with its stinging realities, she wearied and grew sick for the +solitude of night. For the next week, she seemed to see and hear +nothing but what confirmed the idea of Mr. Farquhar's decided +attachment to Ruth. Even her mother spoke of it as a thing which +was impending, and which she wondered how Mr. Bradshaw would +like; for his approval or disapproval was the standard by which +she measured all things. + +"Oh! merciful God," prayed Jemima, in the dead silence of the +night, "the strain is too great--I cannot bear it longer--my +life--my love--the very essence of me, which is myself through +time and eternity; and on the other side there is all-pitying +Charity. If she had not been what she is--if she had shown any +sign of triumph--any knowledge of her prize--if she had made any +effort to gain his dear heart, I must have given way long ago, +and taunted her, even if I did not tell others--taunted her, even +though I sank down to the pit the next moment. + +"The temptation is too strong for me. O Lord! where is Thy peace +that I believed in, in my childhood?--that I hear people speaking +of now as if it hushed up the troubles of life, and had not to be +sought for--sought for, as with tears of blood!" + +There was no sound nor answer to this wild imploring cry, which +Jemima half thought must force out a sign from Heaven. But there +was a dawn stealing on through the darkness of her night. + +It was glorious weather for the end of August. The nights were as +full of light as the days--everywhere, save in the low dusky +meadows by the river-side, where the mists rose and blended the +pale sky with the lands below. Unknowing of the care and trouble +around them, Mary and Elizabeth exulted in the weather, and saw +some new glory in every touch of the year's decay. They were +clamorous for an expedition to the hills, before the calm +stillness of the autumn should be disturbed by storms. They +gained permission to go on the next Wednesday--the next +half-holiday. They had won their mother over to consent to a full +holiday, but their father would not hear of it. Mrs. Bradshaw had +proposed an early dinner, but the idea was scouted at by the +girls. What would the expedition be worth if they did not carry +their dinners with them in baskets? Anything out of a basket, and +eaten in the open air, was worth twenty times as much as the most +sumptuous meal in the house. So the baskets were packed up, while +Mrs. Bradshaw wailed over probable colds to be caught from +sitting on the damp ground. Ruth and Leonard were to go they +four. Jemima had refused all invitations to make one of the +party; and yet she had a half-sympathy with her sisters' joy--a +sort of longing, lingering look back to the time when she too +would have revelled in the prospect that lay before them. They, +too, would grow up, and suffer; though now they played, +regardless of their doom. + +The morning was bright and glorious; just cloud enough, as some +one said, to make the distant plain look beautiful from the +hills, with its floating shadows passing over the golden +corn-fields. Leonard was to join them at twelve, when his lessons +with Mr. Benson, and the girls' with their masters, should be +over. Ruth took off her bonnet, and folded her shawl with her +usual dainty, careful neatness, and laid them aside in a corner +of the room to be in readiness. She tried to forget the pleasure +she always anticipated from a long walk towards the hills while +the morning's work went on; but she showed enough of sympathy to +make the girls cling round her with many a caress of joyous love. +Everything was beautiful in their eyes; from the shadows of the +quivering leaves on the wall to the glittering beads of dew, not +yet absorbed by the sun, which decked the gossamer web in the +vine outside the window. Eleven o'clock struck. The Latin master +went away, wondering much at the radiant faces of his pupils, and +thinking that it was only very young people who could take such +pleasure in the "Delectus." Ruth said, "Now do let us try to be +very steady this next hour," and Mary pulled back Ruth's head, +and gave the pretty budding mouth a kiss. They sat down to work, +while Mrs. Denbigh read aloud. A fresh sun-gleam burst into the +room, and they looked at each other with glad, anticipating eyes. + +Jemima came in, ostensibly to seek for a book, but really from +that sort of restless weariness of any one place or employment +which had taken possession of her since Mr. Farquhar's return. +She stood before the bookcase in the recess, languidly passing +over the titles in search of the one she wanted. Ruth's voice +lost a tone or two of its peacefulness, and her eyes looked more +dim and anxious at Jemima's presence. She wondered in her heart +if she dared to ask Miss Bradshaw to accompanying them in their +expedition. Eighteen months ago she would have urged it on her +friend with soft, loving entreaty; now she was afraid even to +propose it as a hard possibility; everything she did or said was +taken so wrongly--seemed to add to the old dislike, or the later +stony contempt with which Miss Bradshaw had regarded her. While +they were in this way Mr. Bradshaw came into the room. His +entrance--his being at home at all at this time--was so unusual a +thing, that the reading was instantly stopped; and all four +involuntarily looked at him, as if expecting some explanation of +his unusual proceeding. + +His face was almost purple with suppressed agitation. + +"Mary and Elizabeth, leave the room. Don't stay to pack up your +books. Leave the room, I say!" He spoke with trembling anger, and +the frightened girls obeyed without a won A cloud passing over +the sun cast a cold gloom into the room which was late so bright +and beaming; but, by equalising the light, it took away the dark +shadow from the place where Jemima had been standing, and her +figure caught her father's eye. + +"Leave the room, Jemima," said he. + +"Why, father?" replied she, in an opposition that was strange +even to herself, but which was prompted by the sullen passion +which seethed below the stagnant surface of her life, and which +sought a vent in defiance. She maintained her ground, facing +round upon her father, and Ruth--Ruth, who had risen, and stood +trembling, shaking, a lightning-fear having shown her the +precipice on which she stood. It was of no use; no quiet, +innocent life--no profound silence, even to her own heart, as to +the Past; the old offence could never be drowned in the Deep; but +thus, when all was calm on the great, broad, sunny sea, it rose +to the surface, and faced her with its unclosed eyes and its +ghastly countenance. The blood bubbled up to her brain, and made +such a sound there, as of boiling waters, that she did not hear +the words which Mr. Bradshaw first spoke; indeed, his speech was +broken and disjointed by intense passion. But she needed not to +hear; she knew. As she rose up at first, so she stood now--numb +and helpless. When her ears heard again (as if the sounds were +drawing nearer, and becoming more distinct, from some faint, +vague distance of space), Mr. Bradshaw was saying, "If there be +one sin I hate--I utterly loathe--more than all others, it is +wantonness. It includes all other sins. It is but of a piece that +you should have come with your sickly, hypocritical face imposing +upon us all. I trust Benson did not know of it--for his own sake, +I trust not. Before God, if he got you into my house on false +pretences, he shall find his charity at other men's expense shall +cost him dear--you--the common talk of Eccleston for your +profligacy----" He was absolutely choked by his boiling +indignation. Ruth stood speechless, motionless. Her head drooped +a little forward; her eyes were more than half veiled by the +large quivering lids; her arms hung down straight and heavy. At +last she heaved the weight off her heart enough to say, in a +faint, moaning voice, speaking with infinite difficulty-- + +"I was so young." + +"The more depraved, the more disgusting you," Mr. Bradshaw +exclaimed, almost glad that the woman, unresisting so long, +should now begin to resist. But, to his surprise (for in his +anger he had forgotten her presence), Jemima moved forwards and +said, "Father!" + +"You hold your tongue, Jemima. You have grown more and more +insolent--more and more disobedient every day. I now know who to +thank for it. When such a woman came into my family there is no +wonder at any corruption--any evil--any defilement----" + +"Father!" + +"Not a word! If, in your disobedience, you choose to stay and +hear what no modest young woman would put herself in the way of +hearing, you shall be silent when I bid you. The only good you +can gain is in the way of warning. Look at that woman" +(indicating Ruth, who moved her drooping head a little on one +side, as if by such motion she could avert the pitiless +pointing--her face growing whiter and whiter still every +instant)--"Look at that woman, I say--corrupt long before she was +your age--hypocrite for years! If ever you, or any child of mine, +cared for her, shake her off from you, as St. Paul shook off the +viper--even into the fire." He stopped for very want of breath. +Jemima, all flushed and panting, went up and stood side by side +with wan Ruth. She took the cold, dead hand which hung next to +her in her warm convulsive grasp, and, holding it so tight that +it was blue and discoloured for days, she spoke out beyond all +power of restraint from her father. + +"Father! I will speak. I will not keep silence. I will bear +witness to Ruth. I have hated her--so keenly, may God forgive me +I but you may know, from that, that my witness is true. I have +hated her, and my hatred was only quenched into contempt--not +contempt now, dear Ruth--dear Ruth"--(this was spoken with +infinite softness and tenderness, and in spite of her father's +fierce eyes and passionate gesture)--"I heard what you have +learnt now, father, weeks and weeks ago--a year it may be, all +time of late has been so long; and I shuddered up from her and +from her sin; and I might have spoken of it, and told it there +and then, if I had not been afraid that it was from no good +motive I should act in so doing, but to gain a way to the desire +of my own jealous heart. Yes, father, to show you what a witness +I am for Ruth, I will own that I was stabbed to the heart with +jealousy; some one--some one cared for Ruth that--oh father! +spare me saying all." Her face was double-dyed with crimson +blushes, and she paused for one moment--no more. + +"I watched her, and I watched her with my wild-beast eyes. If I +had seen one paltering with duty--if I had witnessed one +flickering shadow of untruth in word or action--if, more than all +things, my woman's instinct had ever been conscious of the +faintest speck of impurity in thought, or word, or look, my old +hate would have flamed out with the flame of hell! my contempt +would have turned to loathing disgust, instead of my being full +of pity, and the stirrings of new-awakened love, and most true +respect. Father, I have borne my witness!" + +"And I will tell you how much your witness is worth," said her +father, beginning low, that his pent-up wrath might have room to +swell out. "It only convinces me more and more how deep is the +corruption this wanton has spread in my family. She has come +amongst us with her innocent seeming, and spread her nets well +and skilfully. She has turned right into wrong, and wrong into +right, and taught you all to be uncertain whether there be any +such thing as Vice in the world, or whether it ought not to be +looked upon as Virtue. She has led you to the brink of the deep +pit, ready for the first chance circumstance to push you in. And +I trusted--I trusted her--I welcomed her." + +"I have done very wrong," murmured Ruth, but so low, that perhaps +he did not hear her, for he went on lashing himself up. + +"I welcomed her. I was duped into allowing her bastard--(I sicken +at the thought of it)----" + +At the mention of Leonard, Ruth lifted up her eyes for the first +time since the conversation began, the pupils dilating, as if she +were just becoming aware of some new agony in store for her. I +have seen such a look of terror on a poor dumb animal's +countenance, and once or twice on human faces; I pray I may never +see it again on either! Jemima felt the hand she held in her +strong grasp writhe itself free. Ruth spread her arms before her, +clasping and lacing her fingers together, her head thrown a +little back as if in intensest suffering. + +Mr. Bradshaw went on-- + +"That very child and heir of shame to associate with my own +innocent children! I trust they are not contaminated." + +"I cannot bear it--I cannot bear it!" were the words wrung out of +Ruth. + +"Cannot bear it! cannot bear it!" he repeated. "You must bear it, +madam. Do you suppose your child is to be exempt from the +penalties of his birth? Do you suppose that he alone is to be +saved from the upbraiding scoff? Do you suppose that he is ever +to rank with other boys, who are not stained and marked with sin +from their birth? Every creature in Eccleston may know what he +is; do you think they will spare him their scorn? 'Cannot bear +it,' indeed! Before you went into your sin, you should have +thought whether you could bear the consequences or not--have had +some idea how far your offspring would be degraded and scouted, +till the best thing that could happen to him would be for him to +be lost to all sense of shame, dead to all knowledge of guilt, +for his mother's sake." + +Ruth spoke out. She stood like a wild creature at bay, past fear +now. "I appeal to God against such a doom for my child. I appeal +to God to help me. I am a mother, and as such I cry to God for +help--for help to keep my boy in His pitying sight, and to bring +him up in His holy fear. Let the shame fall on me! I have +deserved it, but he--he is so innocent and good." + +Ruth had caught up her shawl, and was tying on her bonnet with +her trembling hands. What if Leonard was hearing of her shame +from common report? What would be the mysterious shock of the +intelligence? She must face him, and see the look in his eyes, +before she knew whether he recoiled from her; he might have his +heart turned to hate her, by their cruel jeers. + +Jemima stood by, dumb and pitying. Her sorrow was past her power. +She helped in arranging the dress, with one or two gentle +touches, which were hardly felt by Ruth, but which called out all +Mr. Bradshaw's ire afresh; he absolutely took her by the +shoulders and turned her by force out of the room. In the hall, +and along the stairs, her passionate woeful crying was heard. The +sound only concentrated Mr. Bradshaw's anger on Ruth. He held the +street-door open wide, and said, between his teeth, "If ever you, +or your bastard, darken this door again, I will have you both +turned out by the police!" + +He needed not have added this if he had seen Ruth's face. + + +CHAPTER XXVII + + +PREPARING TO STAND ON THE TRUTH + +As Ruth went along the accustomed streets, every sight and every +sound seemed to hear a new meaning, and each and all to have some +reference to her boy's disgrace. She held her head down, and +scudded along dizzy with fear, lest some word should have told +him what she had been, and what he was, before she could reach +him. It was a wild, unreasoning fear, but it took hold of her as +strongly as if it had been well founded. And, indeed, the secret +whispered by Mrs. Pearson, whose curiosity and suspicion had been +excited by Jemima's manner, and confirmed since by many a little +corroborating circumstance, had spread abroad, and was known to +most of the gossips in Eccleston before it reached Mr. Bradshaw's +ears. + +As Ruth came up to the door of the Chapel-house, it was opened, +and Leonard came out, bright and hopeful as the morning, his face +radiant at the prospect of the happy day before him. He was +dressed in the clothes it had been such a pleasant pride to her +to make for him. He had the dark-blue ribbon tied round his neck +that she had left out for him that very morning, with a smiling +thought of how it would set off his brown, handsome face. She +caught him by the hand as they met, and turned him, with his face +homewards, without a word. Her looks, her rushing movement, her +silence, awed him; and although he wondered, he did not stay to +ask why she did so. The door was on the latch; she opened it, and +only said, "Upstairs," in a hoarse whisper. Up they went into her +own room. She drew him in, and bolted the door; and then, sitting +down, she placed him (she had never let go of him) before her, +holding him with her hands on each of his shoulders, and gazing +into his face with a woeful lock of the agony that could not find +vent in words. At last she tried to speak: she tried with strong +bodily effort, almost amounting to convulsion. But the words +would not come; it was not till she saw the absolute terror +depicted on his face that she found utterance; and then the sight +of that terror changed the words from what she meant them to have +been. She drew him to her, and laid her head upon his shoulder; +hiding her face even there. + +"My poor, poor boy! my poor, poor darling! Oh! would that I had +died--I had died, in my innocent girlhood!" + +"Mother! mother!" sobbed Leonard. "What is the matter? Why do you +look so wild and ill? Why do you call me your 'poor boy'? Are we +not going to Scaurside Hill? I don't much mind it, mother; only +please don't gasp and quiver so. Dearest mother, are you ill? Let +me call Aunt Faith!" + +Ruth lifted herself up, and put away the hair that had fallen +over and was blinding her eyes. She looked at him with intense +wistfulness. + +"Kiss me, Leonard!" said she--"kiss me, my darling, once more in +the old way!" Leonard threw himself into her arms and hugged her +with all his force, and their lips clung together as in the kiss +given to the dying. + +"Leonard!" said she at length, holding him away from her, and +nerving herself up to tell him all by one spasmodic +effort--"listen to me." The boy stood breathless and still, +gazing at her. On her impetuous transit from Mr. Bradshaw's to +the Chapel-house her wild, desperate thought had been that she +would call herself by every violent, coarse name which the world +might give her--that Leonard should hear those words applied to +his mother first from her own lips; but the influence of his +presence--for he was a holy and sacred creature in her eyes, and +this point remained steadfast, though all the rest were +upheaved--subdued her; and now it seemed as if she could not find +words fine enough, and pure enough, to convey the truth that he +must learn, and should learn from no tongue but hers. + +"Leonard! when I was very young I did very wrong. I think God, +who knows all, will judge me more tenderly than men--but I did +wrong in a way which you cannot understand yet" (she saw the red +flush come into his cheek, and it stung her as the first token of +that shame which was to be his portion through life)--"in a way +people never forget, never forgive. You will hear me called the +hardest names that ever can be thrown at women--I have been +to-day; and, my child, you must bear it patiently, because they +will be partly true. Never get confused, by your love for me, +into thinking that what I did was right.--Where was I?" said she, +suddenly faltering, and forgetting all she had said and all she +had got to say; and then, seeing Leonard's face of wonder, and +burning shame and indignation, she went on more rapidly, as +fearing lest her strength should fail before she had ended. + +"And, Leonard," continued she, in a trembling, sad voice, "this +is not all. The punishment of punishments lies awaiting me still. +It is to see you suffer from my wrongdoing. Yes, darling! they +will speak shameful things of you, poor innocent child! as well +as of me, who am guilty. They will throw it in your teeth through +life, that your mother was never married--was not married when +you were born----" + +"Were not you married? Are not you a widow?" asked he abruptly, +for the first time getting anything like a clear idea of the real +state of the case. + +"No! May God forgive me, and help me!" exclaimed she, as she saw +a strange look of repugnance cloud over the boy's face, and felt +a slight motion on his part to extricate himself from her hold. +It was as slight, as transient as it could be--over in an +instant. But she had taken her hands away, and covered up her +face with them as quickly--covered up her face in shame before +her child; and in the bitterness of her heart she was wailing +out, "Oh! would to God I had died--that I had died as a +baby--that I had died as a little baby hanging at my mother's +breast!" + +"Mother," said Leonard, timidly putting his hand on her arm; but +she shrank from him, and continued her low, passionate wailing. +"Mother," said he, after a pause coming nearer, though she saw it +not--"mammy darling," said he, using the caressing name, which he +had been trying to drop as not sufficiently manly, "mammy, my +own, own dear, dear darling mother, I don't believe them; I +don't, I don't, I don't, I don't!" He broke out into a wild burst +of crying as he said this. In a moment her arms were round the +boy, and she was hushing him up like a baby on her bosom. "Hush, +Leonard! Leonard, be still, my child! I have been too sudden with +you!--I have done you harm--oh! I have done you nothing but +harm," cried she, in a tone of bitter self-reproach. + +"No, mother," said he, stopping his tears, and his eyes blazing +out with earnestness; "there never was such a mother as you have +been to me, and I won't believe any one who says it. I won't; and +I'll knock them down if they say it again, I will!" He clenched +his fist, with a fierce, defiant look on his face. + +"You forget, my child," said Ruth, in the sweetest, saddest tone +that ever was heard, "I said it of myself; I said it because it +was true." Leonard threw his arms tight round her and hid his +face against her bosom. She felt him pant there like some hunted +creature. She had no soothing comfort to give him. "Oh, that she +and he lay dead!" + +At last, exhausted, he lay so still and motionless, that she +feared to look. She wanted him to speak, yet dreaded his first +words. She kissed his hair, his head, his very clothes; murmuring +low, inarticulate, and moaning sounds. + +"Leonard," said she, "Leonard, look up at me! Leonard, look up!" +But he only clung the closer, and hid his face the more. + +"My boy!" said she, "what can I do or say? If I tell you never to +mind it--that it is nothing--I tell you false. It is a bitter +shame and a sorrow that I have drawn down upon you. A shame, +Leonard, because of me, your mother; but, Leonard, it is no +disgrace or lowering of you in the eyes of God." She spoke now as +if she had found the clue which might lead him to rest and +strength at last. + +"Remember that, always. Remember that, when the time of trial +comes--and it seems a hard and cruel thing that you should be +called reproachful names by men, and all for what was no fault of +yours--remember God's pity and God's justice; and, though my sin +shall have made you an outcast in the world--oh, my child, my +child"--(she felt him kiss her, as if mutually trying to comfort +her--it gave her strength to go on)--"remember, darling of my +heart, it is only your own sin that can make you an outcast from +God." + +She grew so faint that her hold of him relaxed. He looked up +affrighted. He brought her water--he threw it over her; in his +terror at the notion that she was going to die and leave him, he +called her by every fond name, imploring her to open her eyes. + +When she partially recovered he helped her to the bed, on which +she lay still, wan, and death-like. She almost hoped the swoon +that hung around her might be Death, and in that imagination she +opened her eyes to take a last look at her boy. She saw him pale +and terror-stricken; and pity for his affright roused her, and +made her forget herself in the wish that he should not see her +death, if she were indeed dying. + +"Go to Aunt Faith!" whispered she; "I am weary, and want sleep." + +Leonard arose slowly and reluctantly. She tried to smile upon +him, that what she thought would be her last look might dwell in +his remembrance as tender and strong; she watched him to the +door; she saw him hesitate, and return to her. He came back to +her, and said in a timid, apprehensive tone, + +"Mother--will they speak to me about----it?" + +Ruth closed her eyes, that they might not express the agony she +felt, like a sharp knife, at this question. Leonard had asked it +with a child's desire of avoiding painful and mysterious +topics,--for no personal sense of shame as she understood it, +shame beginning thus early, thus instantaneously. + +"No," she replied. "You may be sure they will not." + +So he went. But now she would have been thankful for the +unconsciousness of fainting; that one little speech bore so much +meaning to her hot, irritable brain. Mr. and Miss Benson, all in +their house, would never speak to the boy--but in his home alone +would he be safe from what he had already learned to dread. Every +form in which shame and opprobrium could overwhelm her darling +haunted her. She had been exercising strong self-control for his +sake ever since she had met him at the house-door; there was now +a reaction. His presence had kept her mind on its perfect +balance. When that was withdrawn the effect of the strain of +power was felt. And athwart the fever-mists that arose to obscure +her judgment, all sorts of will-o'-the-wisp plans flittered +before her; tempting her to this and that course of action--to +anything rather than patient endurance--to relieve her present +state of misery by some sudden spasmodic effort, that took the +semblance of being wise and right. Gradually all her desires, all +her longing, settled themselves on one point. What had she +done--what could she do, to Leonard but evil? If she were away, +and gone no one knew where--lost in mystery, as if she were +dead--perhaps the cruel hearts might relent, and show pity on +Leonard; while her perpetual presence would but call up the +remembrance of his birth. Thus she reasoned in her hot, dull +brain; and shaped her plans in accordance. + +Leonard stole downstairs noiselessly. He listened to find some +quiet place where he could hide himself. The house was very +still. Miss Benson thought the purposed expedition had taken +place, and never dreamed but that Ruth and Leonard were on +distant, sunny Scaurside Hill; and, after a very early dinner, +she had set out to drink tea with a farmer's wife, who lived in +the country two or three miles off. Mr. Benson meant to have gone +with her; but, while they were at dinner, he had received an +unusually authoritative note from Mr. Bradshaw desiring to speak +with him, so he went to that gentleman's house instead. Sally was +busy in her kitchen, making a great noise (not unlike a groom +rubbing down a horse) over her cleaning. Leonard stole into the +sitting-room, and crouched behind the large old-fashioned sofa to +ease his sore, aching heart, by crying with all the prodigal +waste and abandonment of childhood. + +Mr. Benson was shown into Mr. Bradshaw's own particular room. The +latter gentleman was walking up and down, and it was easy to +perceive that something had occurred to chafe him to great anger. + +"Sit down, sir!" said he to Mr. Benson, nodding to a chair. + +Mr. Benson sat down. But Mr. Bradshaw continued his walk for a +few minutes longer without speaking. Then he stopped abruptly, +right in front of Mr. Benson; and in a voice which he tried to +render calm, but which trembled with passion--with a face glowing +purple as he thought of his wrongs (and real wrongs they were), +he began-- + +"Mr. Benson, I have sent for you to ask--I am almost too +indignant at the bare suspicion to speak as becomes me--but did +you----I really shall be obliged to beg your pardon, if you are +as much in the dark as I was yesterday as to the character of the +woman who lives under your roof?" + +There was no answer from Mr. Benson. Mr. Bradshaw looked at him +very earnestly. His eyes were fixed on the ground--he made no +inquiry--he uttered no expression of wonder or dismay. Mr. +Bradshaw ground his foot on the floor with gathering rage; but +just as he was about to speak Mr. Benson rose up--a poor deformed +old man--before the stern and portly figure that was swelling and +panting with passion. + +"Hear me, sir!" (stretching out his hand as if to avert the words +which were impending). "Nothing you can say can upbraid me like +my own conscience; no degradation you can inflict, by word or +deed, can come up to the degradation I have suffered for years, +at being a party to a deceit, even for a good end----" + +"For a good end!--Nay! what next?" + +The taunting contempt with which Mr. Bradshaw spoke these words +almost surprised himself by what he imagined must be its +successful power of withering; but in spite of it Mr. Benson +lifted his grave eyes to Mr. Bradshaw's countenance, and +repeated-- + +"For a good end. The end was not, as perhaps you consider it to +have been, to obtain her admission into your family--nor yet to +put her in the way of gaining her livelihood; my sister and I +would willingly have shared what we have with her; it was our +intention to do so at first, if not for any length of time, at +least as long as her health might require it. Why I advised +(perhaps I only yielded to advice) a change of name--an +assumption of a false state of widowhood--was because I earnestly +desired to place her in circumstances in which she might work out +her self-redemption; and you, sir, know how terribly the world +goes against all such as have sinned as Ruth did. She was so +young, too." + +"You mistake, sir; my acquaintance has not lain so much among +that class of sinners as to give me much experience of the way in +which they are treated. But, judging from what I have seen, I +should say they meet with full as much leniency as they deserve; +and supposing they do not--I know there are plenty of sickly +sentimentalists just now who reserve all their interest and +regard for criminals--why not pick out one of these to help you +in your task of washing the blackamoor white? Why choose me to be +imposed upon--my household into which to intrude your protegee? +Why were my innocent children to be exposed to corruption? I +say," said Mr. Bradshaw, stamping his foot, "how dared you come +into this house, where you were looked upon as a minister of +religion, with a lie in your mouth? How dared you single me out, +of all people, to be gulled, and deceived, and pointed at through +the town as the person who had taken an abandoned woman into his +house to teach his daughters?" + +"I own my deceit was wrong and faithless." + +"Yes! you can own it, now it is found out! There is small merit +in that, I think!" + +"Sir! I claim no merit. I take shame to myself. I did not single +you out. You applied to me with your proposal that Ruth should be +your children's governess." + +"Pah!" + +"And the temptation was too great--no! I will not say that--but +the temptation was greater than I could stand--it seemed to open +out a path of usefulness." + +"Now, don't let me hear you speak so," said Mr. Bradshaw, blazing +up. "I can't stand it. It is too much to talk in that way when +the usefulness was to consist in contaminating my innocent +girls." + +"God knows that if I had believed there had been any danger of +such contamination--God knows how I would have died sooner than +have allowed her to enter your family. Mr. Bradshaw, you believe +me, don't you?" asked Mr. Benson earnestly. + +"I really must be allowed the privilege of doubting what you say +in future," said Mr. Bradshaw, in a cold, contemptuous manner. + +"I have deserved this," Mr. Benson replied. "But," continued he, +after a moment's pause, "I will not speak of myself, but of Ruth. +Surely, sir, the end I aimed at (the means I took to obtain it +were wrong; you cannot feel that more than I do) was a right one; +and you will not--you cannot say that your children have suffered +from associating with her. I had her in my family, under the +watchful eyes of three anxious persons for a year or more we saw +faults--no human being is without them--and poor Ruth's were but +slight venial errors; but we saw no sign of a corrupt mind--no +glimpse of boldness or forwardness--no token of want of +conscientiousness; she seemed, and was, a young and gentle girl, +who had been led astray before she fairly knew what life was." + +"I suppose most depraved women have been innocent in their time," +said Mr. Bradshaw, with bitter contempt. + +"Oh, Mr. Bradshaw! Ruth was not depraved, and you know it. You +cannot have seen her--have known her daily, all these years, +without acknowledging that!" Mr. Benson was almost breathless, +awaiting Mr. Bradshaw's answer. The quiet self-control which he +had maintained so long was gone now. + +"I saw her daily--I did not know her. If I had known her, I +should have known she was fallen and depraved, and consequently +not fit to come into my house, nor to associate with my pure +children." + +"Now I wish God would give me power to speak out convincingly +what I believe to be His truth, that not every woman who has +fallen is depraved; that many--how many the Great Judgment Day +will reveal to those who have shaken off the poor, sore, penitent +hearts on earth--many, many crave and hunger after a chance of +virtue--the help which no man gives to them--help--that gentle, +tender help which Jesus gave once to Mary Magdalen." Mr. Benson +was almost choked by his own feelings. + +"Come, come, Mr. Benson, let us have no more of this morbid way +of talking. The world has decided how such women are to be +treated; and, you may depend upon it, there is so much practical +wisdom in the world, that its way of acting is right in the +long-run, and that no one can fly in its face with impunity, +unless, indeed, they stoop to deceit and imposition." + +"I take my stand with Christ against the world," said Mr. Benson +solemnly, disregarding the covert allusion to himself. "What have +the world's ways ended in? Can we be much worse than we are?" + +"Speak for yourself, if you please." + +"Is it not time to change some of our ways of thinking and +acting? I declare before God, that if I believe in any one human +truth, it is this--that to every woman who, like Ruth, has sinned +should be given a chance of self-redemption--and that such a +chance should be given in no supercilious or contemptuous manner, +but in the spirit of the holy Christ." + +"Such as getting her into a friend's house under false colours." + +"I do not argue on Ruth's case. In that I have acknowledged my +error. I do not argue on any case. I state my firm belief, that +it is God's will that we should not dare to trample any of His +creatures down to the hopeless dust; that it is God's will that +the women who have fallen should be numbered among those who have +broken hearts to be bound up, not cast aside as lost beyond +recall. If this be God's will, as a thing of God it will stand; +and He will open a way." + +"I should have attached much more importance to all your +exhortation on this point if I could have respected your conduct +in other matters. As it is, when I see a man who has deluded +himself into considering falsehood right, I am disinclined to +take his opinion on subjects connected with morality; and I can +no longer regard him as a fitting exponent of the will of God. +You perhaps understand what I mean, Mr. Benson. I can no longer +attend your chapel." + +If Mr. Benson had felt any hope of making Mr. Bradshaw's +obstinate mind receive the truth, that he acknowledged and +repented of his connivance at the falsehood by means of which +Ruth had been received into the Bradshaw family, this last +sentence prevented his making the attempt. He simply bowed and +took his leave--Mr. Bradshaw attending him to the door with +formal ceremony. + +He felt acutely the severance of the tie which Mr. Bradshaw had +just announced to him. He had experienced many mortifications in +his intercourse with that gentleman, but they had fallen off from +his meek spirit like drops of water from a bird's plumage; and +now he only remembered the acts of substantial kindness rendered +(the ostentation all forgotten)--many happy hours and pleasant +evenings--the children whom he had loved dearer than he thought +till now--the young people about whom he had cared, and whom he +had striven to lead aright. He was but a young man when Mr. +Bradshaw first came to his chapel; they had grown old together; +he had never recognised Mr. Bradshaw as an old familiar friend so +completely as now when they were severed. + +It was with a heavy heart that he opened his own door. He went to +his study immediately; he sat down to steady himself into his +position. + +How long he was there--silent and alone--reviewing his +life--confessing his sins--he did not know; but he heard some +unusual sound in the house that disturbed him--roused him to +present life. A slow, languid step came along the passage to the +front door--the breathing was broken by many sighs. + +Ruth's hand was on the latch when Mr. Benson came out. Her face +was very white, except two red spots on each cheek--her eyes were +deep-sunk and hollow, but glittered with feverish lustre. "Ruth!" +exclaimed he. She moved her lips, but her throat and mouth were +too dry for her to speak. + +"Where are you going?" asked he; for she had all her walking +things on, yet trembled so even as she stood, that it was evident +she could not walk far without falling. + +She hesitated--she looked up at him, still with the same dry +glittering eyes. At last she whispered (for she could only speak +in a whisper), "To Helmsby--I am going to Helmsby." + +"Helmsby! my poor girl--may God have mercy upon you!" for he saw +she hardly knew what she was saying. "Where is Helmsby?" + +"I don't know. In Lincolnshire, I think." + +"But why are you going there?" + +"Hush! he's asleep," said she, as Mr. Benson had unconsciously +raised his voice. + +"Who is asleep?" asked Mr. Benson. + +"That poor little boy," said she, beginning to quiver and cry. + +"Come here!" said he authoritatively, drawing her into the study. + +"Sit down in that chair. I will come back directly." + +He went in search of his sister, but she had not returned. Then +he had recourse to Sally, who was as busy as ever about her +cleaning. + +"How long has Ruth been at home?" asked he. + +"Ruth! She has never been at home sin' morning. She and Leonard +were to be off for the day somewhere or other with them Bradshaw +girls." + +"Then she has had no dinner?" + +"Not here, any rate. I can't answer for what she may have done at +other places." + +"And Leonard--where is he?" + +"How should I know? With his mother, I suppose. Leastways, that +was what was fixed on. I've enough to do of my own, without +routing after other folks." + +She went on scouring in no very good temper. Mr. Benson stood +silent for a moment. + +"Sally," he said, "I want a cup of tea. Will you make it as soon +as you can; and some dry toast too? I'll come for it in ten +minutes." + +Struck by something in his voice, she looked up at him for the +first time. + +"What ha' ye been doing to yourself, to look so grim and grey? +Tiring yourself all to tatters, looking after some naught, I'll +be bound! Well! well! I mun make ye your tea, I reckon; but I did +hope as you grew older you'd ha' grown wiser." + +Mr. Benson made no reply, but went to look for Leonard, hoping +that the child's presence might bring back to his mother the +power of self-control. He opened the parlour-door, and looked in, +but saw no one. Just as he was shutting it, however, he heard a +deep, broken, sobbing sigh; and, guided by the sound, he found +the boy lying on the floor, fast asleep, but with his features +all swollen and disfigured by passionate crying. + +"Poor child! This was what she meant, then," thought Mr. Benson. +"He has begun his share of the sorrows too" he continued +pitifully. "No! I will not waken him back to consciousness." So +he returned alone into the study. Ruth sat where he had placed +her, her head bent back, and her eyes shut. But when he came in +she started up. + +"I must be going," she said in a hurried way. + +"Nay, Ruth, you must not go. You must not leave us. We cannot do +without you. We love you too much." + +"Love me!" said she, looking at him wistfully. As she looked, her +eyes filled slowly with tears. It was a good sign, and Mr. Benson +took heart to go on. + +"Yes! Ruth. You know we do. You may have other things to fill up +your mind just now, but you know we love you; and nothing can +alter our love for you. You ought not to have thought of leaving +us. You would not, if you had been quite well." + +"Do you know what has happened?" she asked, in a low, hoarse +voice. + +"Yes. I know all," he answered. "It makes no difference to us. +Why should it?" + +"Oh! Mr. Benson, don't you know that my shame is discovered?" she +replied, bursting into tears--"and I must leave you, and leave +Leonard, that you may not share in my disgrace." + +"You must do no such thing. Leave Leonard! You have no right to +leave Leonard. Where could you go to?" + +"To Helmsby," she said humbly. "It would break my heart to go, +but I think I ought, for Leonard's sake. I know I ought." She was +crying sadly by this time, but Mr. Benson knew the flow of tears +would ease her brain. "It will break my heart to go, but I know I +must." + +"Sit still here at present," said he, in a decided tone of +command. He went for the cup of tea. He brought it to her without +Sally's being aware for whom it was intended. + +"Drink this!" He spoke as you would do to a child, if desiring it +to take medicine. "Eat some toast." She took the tea, and drank +it feverishly; but when she tried to eat, the food seemed to +choke her. Still she was docile, and she tried. + +"I cannot," said she at last, putting down the piece of toast. +There was a return of something of her usual tone in the words. +She spoke gently and softly; no longer in the shrill, hoarse +voice she had used at first. Mr. Benson sat down by her. + +"Now, Ruth, we must talk a little together. I want to understand +what your plan was. Where is Helmsby? Why did you fix to go +there?" + +"It is where my mother lived," she answered. "Before she was +married she lived there; and wherever she lived, the people all +loved her dearly; and I thought--I think, that for her sake, some +one would give me work. I meant to tell them the truth," said +she, dropping her eyes; "but still they would, perhaps, give me +some employment--I don't care what--for her sake. I could do many +things," said she, suddenly looking up. "I am sure I could +weed--I could in gardens--if they did not like to have me in +their houses. But perhaps some one, for my mother's sake--oh! my +dear, dear mother!--do you know where and what I am?" she cried +out, sobbing afresh. + +Mr. Benson's heart was very sore, though he spoke +authoritatively, and almost sternly-- + +"Ruth! you must be still and quiet. I cannot have this. I want +you to listen to me. Your thought of Helmsby would be a good one, +if it was right for you to leave Eccleston; but I do not think it +is. I am certain of this, that it would be a great sin in you to +separate yourself from Leonard. You have no right to sever the +tie by which God has bound you together." + +"But if I am here they will all know and remember the shame of +his birth; and if I go away they may forget----" + +"And they may not. And if you go away, he may be unhappy or ill; +and you, who above all others have--and have from God--remember +that, Ruth!--the power to comfort him, the tender patience to +nurse him, have left him to the care of strangers. Yes; I know! +But we ourselves are as strangers, dearly as we love him, +compared to a mother. He may turn to sin, and want the long +forbearance, the serene authority of a parent and where are you? +No dread of shame, either for yourself, or even for him, can ever +make it right for you to shake off your responsibility." All this +time he was watching her narrowly, and saw her slowly yield +herself up to the force of what he was saying. + +"Besides, Ruth," he continued, "we have gone on falsely, +hitherto. It has been my doing, my mistake, my sin. I ought to +have known better. Now, let us stand firm on the truth. You have +no new fault to repent of. Be brave and faithful. It is to God +you answer, not to men. The shame of having your sin known to the +world, should be as nothing to the shame you felt at having +sinned. We have dreaded men too much, and God too little, in the +course we have taken. But now be of good cheer. Perhaps you will +have to find your work in the world very low--not quite working +in the fields," said he, with a gentle smile, to which she, +downcast and miserable, could give no response. "Nay, perhaps, +Ruth," he went on, "you may have to stand and wait for some time; +no one may be willing to use the services you would gladly +render; all may turn aside from you, and may speak very harshly +of you. Can you accept all this treatment meekly, as but the +reasonable and just penance God has laid upon you--feeling no +anger against those who slight you, no impatience for the time to +come (and come it surely will--I speak as having the word of God +for what I say), when He, having purified you, even as by fire, +will make a straight path for your feet? My child, it is Christ +the Lord who has told us of this infinite mercy of God. Have you +faith enough in it to be brave, and bear on, and do rightly in +patience and in tribulation?" + +Ruth had been hushed and very still until now, when the pleading +earnestness of his question urged her to answer. + +"Yes!" said she. "I hope--I believe I can be faithful for myself, +for I have sinned and done wrong. But Leonard----" She looked up +at him. + +"But Leonard," he echoed. "Ah! there it is hard, Ruth. I own the +world is hard and persecuting to such as he." He paused to think +of the true comfort for this sting. He went on. "The world is not +everything, Ruth; nor is the want of men's good opinion and +esteem the highest need which man has. Teach Leonard this. You +would not wish his life to be one summer's day. You dared not +make it so, if you had the power. Teach him to bid a noble, +Christian welcome to the trials which God sends--and this is one +of them. Teach him not to look on a life of struggle, and perhaps +of disappointment and incompleteness, as a sad and mournful end, +but as the means permitted to the heroes and warriors in the army +of Christ, by which to show their faithful following. Tell him of +the hard and thorny path which was trodden once by the bleeding +feet of One--Ruth! think of the Saviour's life and cruel death, +and of His divine faithfulness. Oh, Ruth!" exclaimed he, "when I +look and see what you may be--what you must be to that boy, I +cannot think how you could be coward enough, for a moment, to +shrink from your work! But we have all been cowards hitherto," he +added, in bitter self-accusation. + +"God help us to be so no longer!" + +Ruth sat very quiet. Her eyes were fixed on the ground, and she +seemed lost in thought. At length she rose up. + +"Mr. Benson!" said she, standing before him, and propping herself +by the table, as she was trembling sadly from weakness, "I mean +to try very, very hard, to do my duty to Leonard--and to God," +she added reverently. "I am only afraid my faith may sometimes +fail about Leonard----" + +"Ask, and it shall be given unto you. That is no vain or untried +promise, Ruth!" + +She sat down again, unable longer to stand. There was another +long silence. + +"I must never go to Mr. Bradshaw's again," she said at last, as +if thinking aloud. + +"No, Ruth, you shall not," he answered. + +"But I shall earn no money!" added she quickly, for she thought +that he did not perceive the difficulty that was troubling her. + +"You surely know, Ruth, that, while Faith and I have a roof to +shelter us, or bread to eat, you and Leonard share it with us." + +"I know--I know your most tender goodness," said she, "but it +ought not to be." + +"It must be at present," he said, in a decided manner. "Perhaps, +before long you may have some employment; perhaps it may be some +time before an opportunity occurs." + +"Hush," said Ruth; "Leonard is moving about in the parlour. I +must go to him." But when she stood up, she turned so dizzy, and +tottered so much, that she was glad to sit down again +immediately. + +"You must rest here. I will go to him," said Mr. Benson. He left +her; and when he was gone, she leaned her head on the back of the +chair, and cried quietly and incessantly; but there was a more +patient, hopeful, resolved feeling in the heart, which all along, +through all the tears she shed, bore her onwards to higher +thoughts, until at last she rose to prayers. + +Mr. Benson caught the new look of shrinking shame in Leonard's +eye, as it first sought, then shunned, meeting his. He was +pained, too, by the sight of the little sorrowful, anxious face, +on which, until now, hope and joy had been predominant. The +constrained voice, the few words the boy spoke, when formerly +there would have been a glad and free utterance--all this grieved +Mr. Benson inexpressibly, as but the beginning of an unwonted +mortification, which must last for years. He himself made no +allusion to any unusual occurrence; he spoke of Ruth as sitting, +overcome by headache, in the study for quietness: he hurried on +the preparations for tea, while Leonard sat by in the great +arm-chair, and looked on with sad, dreamy eyes. He strove to +lessen the shock which he knew Leonard had received, by every +mixture of tenderness and cheerfulness that Mr. Benson's gentle +heart prompted; and now and then a languid smile stole over the +boy's face. When his bedtime came, Mr. Benson told him of the +hour, although he feared that Leonard would have but another +sorrowful crying of himself to sleep; but he was anxious to +accustom the boy to cheerful movement within the limits of +domestic law, and by no disobedience to it to weaken the power of +glad submission to the Supreme; to begin the new life that lay +before him, where strength to look up to God as the Law-giver and +Ruler of events would be pre-eminently required. When Leonard had +gone upstairs, Mr. Benson went immediately to Ruth, and said-- + +"Ruth! Leonard is just gone up to bed," secure in the instinct +which made her silently rise, and go up to the boy--certain, too, +that they would each be the other's best comforter, and that God +would strengthen each through the other. Now, for the first time, +he had leisure to think of himself; and to go over all the events +of the day. The half-hour of solitude in his study, that he had +before his sister's return, was of inestimable value; he had +leisure to put events in their true places, as to importance and +eternal significance. Miss Faith came in laden with farm produce. +Her kind entertainers had brought her in their shandry to the +opening of the court in which the Chapel-house stood; but she was +so heavily burdened with eggs, mushrooms, and plums, that, when +her brother opened the door, she was almost breathless. + +"Oh, Thurstan! take this basket--it is such a weight? Oh, Sally, +is that you? Here are some magnum-bonums which we must preserve +to-morrow. There are guinea-fowl eggs in that basket." + +Mr. Benson let her unburden her body, and her mind too, by giving +charges to Sally respecting her housekeeping treasures, before he +said a word; but when she returned into the study, to tell him +the small pieces of intelligence respecting her day at the farm, +she stood aghast. + +"Why, Thurstan, dear! What's the matter? Is your back hurting +you?" + +He smiled to reassure her; but it was a sickly and forced smile. + +"No, Faith! I am quite well, only rather out of spirits, and +wanting to talk to you to cheer me." + +Miss Faith sat down, straight, sitting bolt-upright to listen the +better. + +"I don't know how, but the real story about Ruth is found out." + +"Oh, Thurstan!" exclaimed Miss Benson, turning quite white. + +For a moment, neither of them said another word. Then she went +on-- + +"Does Mr. Bradshaw know?" + +"Yes! He sent for me, and told me." + +"Does Ruth know that it has all come out?" + +"Yes. And Leonard knows." + +"How? Who told him?" + +"I do not know. I have asked no questions. But of course it was +his mother." + +"She was very foolish and cruel, then," said Miss Benson, her +eyes blazing, and her lips trembling, at the thought of the +suffering her darling boy must have gone through. + +"I think she was wise. I am sure it was not cruel. He must have +soon known that there was some mystery, and it was better that it +should be told him openly and quietly by his mother than by a +stranger." + +"How could she tell him quietly?" asked Miss Benson still +indignant. + +"Well! perhaps I used the wrong word--of course no one was +by--and I don't suppose even they themselves could now tell how +it was told, or in what spirit it was borne." + +Miss Benson was silent again. + +"Was Mr. Bradshaw very angry?" + +"Yes, very; and justly so. I did very wrong in making that false +statement at first." + +"No! I am sure you did not," said Miss Faith. "Ruth has had some +years of peace, in which to grow stronger and wiser, so that she +can bear her shame now in a way she never could have done at +first." + +"All the same it was wrong in me to do what I did." + +"I did it too, as much or more than you. And I don't think it +wrong. I'm certain it was quite right, and I would do just the +same again." + +"Perhaps it has not done you the harm it has done me." + +"Nonsense! Thurstan. Don't be morbid. I'm sure you are as +good--and better than ever you were." + +"No, I am not. I have got what you call morbid, just in +consequence of the sophistry by which I persuaded myself that +wrong could be right. I torment myself. I have lost my clear +instincts of conscience. Formerly, if I believed that such or +such an action was according to the will of God, I went and did +it, or at least I tried to do it, without thinking of +consequences. Now, I reason and weigh what will happen if I do so +and so--I grope where formerly I saw. Oh, Faith! it is such a +relief to me to have the truth known, that I am afraid I have not +been sufficiently sympathising with Ruth." + +"Poor Ruth!" said Miss Benson. "But at any rate our telling a lie +has been the saving of her. There is no fear of her going wrong +now." + +"God's omnipotence did not need our sin." + +They did not speak for some time. + +"You have not told me what Mr. Bradshaw said." + +"One can't remember the exact words that are spoken on either +side in moments of such strong excitement. He was very angry, and +said some things about me that were very just, and some about +Ruth that were very hard. His last words were that he should give +up coming to chapel." + +"Oh, Thurstan! did it come to that?" + +"Yes." + +"Does Ruth know all he said?" + +"No! Why should she? I don't know if she knows he has spoken to +me at all. Poor creature! she had enough to craze her almost +without that! She was for going away and leaving us, that we +might not share in her disgrace. I was afraid of her being quite +delirious. I did so want you, Faith! However, I did the best I +could; I spoke to her very coldly, and almost sternly, all the +while my heart was bleeding for her. I dared not give her +sympathy; I tried to give her strength. But I did so want you, +Faith." + +"And I was so full of enjoyment, I am ashamed to think of it. But +the Dawsons are so kind--and the day was so fine----Where is +Ruth now?" + +"With Leonard. He is her great earthly motive--I thought that +being with him would be best. But he must be in bed and asleep +now." + +"I will go up to her," said Miss Faith. + +She found Ruth keeping watch by Leonard's troubled sleep; but +when she saw Miss Faith she rose up, and threw herself on her +neck and clung to her, without speaking. After a while Miss +Benson said-- + +"You must go to bed, Ruth!" So, after she had kissed the sleeping +boy, Miss Benson led her away, and helped to undress her, and +brought her up a cup of soothing violet-tea--not so soothing as +tender actions and soft, loving tones. + + +CHAPTER XXVIII + + +AN UNDERSTANDING BETWEEN LOVERS + +It was well they had so early and so truly strengthened the +spirit to bear, for the events which had to be endured soon came +thick and threefold. + +Every evening Mr. and Miss Benson thought the worst must be over; +and every day brought some fresh occurrence to touch upon the raw +place. They could not be certain, until they had seen all their +acquaintances, what difference it would make in the cordiality of +their reception: in some cases it made much; and Miss Benson was +proportionably indignant. She felt this change in behaviour more +than her brother. His great pain arose from the coolness of the +Bradshaws. With all the faults which had at times grated on his +sensitive nature (but which he now forgot, and remembered only their +kindness), they were his old familiar friends--his kind, if +ostentatious, patrons--his great personal interest, out of his own +family; and he could not get over the suffering he experienced from +seeing their large square pew empty on Sundays--from perceiving how +Mr. Bradshaw, though he bowed in a distant manner when he and Mr. +Benson met face to face, shunned him as often as he possibly could. +All that happened in the household, which once was as patent to him +as his own, was now a sealed book; he heard of its doings by chance, +if he heard at all. Just at the time when he was feeling the most +depressed from this cause, he met Jemima at a sudden turn of the +street. He was uncertain for a moment how to accost her, but she +saved him all doubt; in an instant she had his hand in both of hers, +her face flushed with honest delight. + +"Oh, Mr. Benson, I am so glad to see you! I have so wanted to +know all about you. How is poor Ruth? dear Ruth! I wonder if she +has forgiven me my cruelty to her? And I may not go to her now, +when I should be so glad and thankful to make up for it." + +"I never heard you had been cruel to her. I am sure she does not +think so." + +"She ought; she must. What is she doing? Oh! I have so much to +ask, I can never hear enough; and papa says"--she hesitated a +moment, afraid of giving pain, and then, believing that they +would understand the state of affairs, and the reason for her +behaviour better if she told the truth, she went on--"Papa says I +must not go to your house--I suppose it's right to obey him?" + +"Certainly, my dear. It is your clear duty. We know how you feel +towards us." + +"Oh! but if I could do any good--if I could be of any use or +comfort to any of you--especially to Ruth, I should come, duty or +not. I believe it would be my duty," said she, hurrying on to try +and stop any decided prohibition from Mr. Benson. "No! don't be +afraid; I won't come till I know I can do some good. I hear bits +about you through Sally every now and then, or I could not have +waited so long. Mr. Benson," continued she, reddening very much, +"I think you did quite right about poor Ruth." + +"Not in the falsehood, my dear." + +"No! not perhaps in that. I was not thinking of that. But I have +been thinking a great deal about poor Ruth's----you know I could +not help it when everybody was talking about it--and it made me +think of myself, and what I am. With a father and mother, and +home and careful friends, I am not likely to be tempted like +Ruth; but oh! Mr. Benson, said she, lifting her eyes, which were +full of tears, to his face, for the first time since she began to +speak, "if you knew all I have been thinking and feeling this +last year, you would see how I have yielded to every temptation +that was able to come to me; and, seeing how I have no goodness +or strength in me, and how I might just have been like Ruth, or +rather worse than she ever was, because I am more headstrong and +passionate by nature, I do so thank you and love you for what you +did for her! And will you tell me really and truly now if I can +ever do anything for Ruth? If you'll promise me that, I won't +rebel unnecessarily against papa; but if you don't, I will, and +come and see you all this very afternoon. Remember! I trust you!" +said she, breaking away. Then turning back, she came to ask after +Leonard. + +"He must know something of it," said she. "Does he feel it much?" + +"Very much," said Mr. Benson. Jemima shook her head sadly. + +"It is hard upon him," said she. + +"It is," Mr. Benson replied. + +For in truth, Leonard was their greatest anxiety indoors. His +health seemed shaken, he spoke half sentences in his sleep, which +showed that in his dreams he was battling on his mother's behalf +against an unkind and angry world. And then he would wail to +himself, and utter sad words of shame, which they never thought +had reached his ears. By day, he was in general grave and quiet; +but his appetite varied, and he was evidently afraid of going +into the streets, dreading to be pointed at as an object of +remark. Each separately in their hearts longed to give him change +of scene; but they were all silent, for where was the requisite +money to come from? + +His temper became fitful and variable. At times he would be most +sullen against his mother; and then give way to a passionate +remorse. When Mr. Benson caught Ruth's look of agony at her +child's rebuffs, his patience failed; or rather, I should say, he +believed that a stronger, severer hand than hers was required for +the management of the lad. But, when she heard Mr. Benson say so, +she pleaded with him. + +"Have patience with Leonard," she said. "I have deserved the +anger that is fretting in his heart. It is only I who can +reinstate myself in his love and respect. I have no fear. When he +sees me really striving hard and long to do what is right, he +must love me. I am not afraid." + +Even while she spoke, her lips quivered, and her colour went and +came with eager anxiety. So Mr. Benson held his peace, and let +her take her course. It was beautiful to see the intuition by +which she divined what was passing in every fold of her child's +heart, so as to be always ready with the right words to soothe or +to strengthen him. Her watchfulness was unwearied, and with no +thought of self-tainting in it, or else she might have often +paused to turn aside and weep at the clouds of shame which came +over Leonard's love for her, and hid it from all but her faithful +heart; she believed and knew that he was yet her own affectionate +boy, although he might be gloomily silent, or apparently hard and +cold. And in all this, Mr. Benson could not choose but admire the +way in which she was insensibly teaching Leonard to conform to +the law of right, to recognise duty in the mode in which every +action was performed. When Mr. Benson saw this, he knew that all +goodness would follow, and that the claims which his mother's +infinite love had on the boy's heart would be acknowledged at +last, and all the more fully because she herself never urged +them, but silently admitted the force of the reason that caused +them to be for a time forgotten. By and-by Leonard's remorse at +his ungracious and sullen ways to his mother--ways that +alternated with passionate, fitful bursts of clinging +love--assumed more the character of repentance, he tried to do so +no more. But still his health was delicate; he was averse to +going out-of-doors; he was much graver and sadder than became his +age. It was what must be an inevitable consequence of what had +been; and Ruth had to be patient, and pray in secret, and with +many tears, for the strength she needed. + +She knew what it was to dread the going out into the streets +after her story had become known. For days and days she had +silently shrunk from this effort. But, one evening towards dusk, +Miss Benson was busy, and asked her to go an errand for her; and +Ruth, got up and silently obeyed her. That silence as to inward +suffering was only one part of her peculiar and exquisite +sweetness of nature; part of the patience with which she +"accepted her penance." Her true instincts told her that it was +not right to disturb others with many expressions of her remorse; +that the holiest repentance consisted in a quiet and daily +sacrifice. Still there were times when she wearied pitifully of +her inaction. She was so willing to serve and work, and every one +despised her services. Her mind, as I have said before, had been +well cultivated during these last few years; so now she used all +the knowledge she had gained in teaching Leonard, which was an +employment that Mr. Benson relinquished willingly, because he +felt that it would give her some of the occupation that she +needed. She endeavoured to make herself useful in the house in +every way she could; but the waters of house-keeping had closed +over her place during the time of her absence at Mr. +Bradshaw's--and, besides, now that they were trying to restrict +every unnecessary expense, it was sometimes difficult to find +work for three women. Many and many a time Ruth turned over in +her mind every possible chance of obtaining employment for her +leisure hours, and nowhere could she find it. Now and then Sally, +who was her confidante in this wish, procured her some +needlework, but it was of a coarse and common kind, soon done, +lightly paid for. But, whatever it was, Ruth took it, and was +thankful, although it added but a few pence to the household +purse. I do not mean that there was any great need of money; but +a new adjustment of expenditure was required--a reduction of +wants which had never been very extravagant. + +Ruth's salary of forty pounds was gone, while more of her "keep," +as Sally called it, was thrown upon the Bensons. Mr. Benson +received about eighty pounds a year for his salary as minister. +Of this, he knew that twenty pounds came from Mr. Bradshaw; and, +when the old man appointed to collect the pew-rents brought him +the quarterly amount, and he found no diminution in them, he +inquired how it was, and learnt that, although Mr. Bradshaw had +expressed to the collector his determination never to come to +chapel again, he had added, that of course his pew-rent should be +paid all the same. But this Mr. Benson could not suffer; and the +old man was commissioned to return the money to Mr. Bradshaw, as +being what his deserted minister could not receive. + +Mr. and Miss Benson had about thirty or forty pounds coming in +annually from a sum which, in happier days, Mr. Bradshaw had +invested in Canal shares for them. Altogether their income did +not fall much short of a hundred a year, and they lived in the +Chapel-house free of rent. So Ruth's small earnings were but very +little in actual hard commercial account, though in another sense +they were much; and Miss Benson always received them with quiet +simplicity. By degrees, Mr. Benson absorbed some of Ruth's time +in a gracious and natural way. He employed her mind in all the +kind offices he was accustomed to render to the poor around him. +And as much of the peace and ornament of life as they gained now +was gained on a firm basis of truth. If Ruth began low down to +find her place in the world, at any rate there was no flaw in the +foundation. + +Leonard was still their great anxiety. At times the question +seemed to be, could he live through all this trial of the +elasticity of childhood? And then they knew how precious a +blessing--how true a pillar of fire, he was to his mother; and +how black the night, and how dreary the wilderness would be, when +he was not. The child and the mother were each messengers of +God--angels to each other. + +They had long gaps between the pieces of intelligence respecting +the Bradshaws. Mr. Bradshaw had at length purchased the house at +Abermouth, and they were much there. The way in which the Bensons +heard most frequently of the family of their former friends, was +through Mr. Farquhar. He called on Mr. Benson about a month after +the latter had met Jemima in the street. Mr. Farquhar was not in +the habit of paying calls on any one; and, though he had always +entertained and evinced the most kind and friendly feeling +towards Mr. Benson, he had rarely been in the Chapel-house. Mr. +Benson received him courteously, but he rather expected that +there would be some especial reason alleged, before the +conclusion of the visit, for its occurrence; more particularly as +Mr. Farquhar sat talking on the topics of the day in a somewhat +absent manner, as if they were not the subjects most present to +his mind. The truth was, he could not help recurring to the last +time when he was in that room, waiting to take Leonard a ride, +and his heart beating rather more quickly than usual at the idea +that Ruth might bring the boy in when he was equipped. He was +very full now of the remembrance of Ruth; and yet he was also +most thankful, most self-gratulatory, that he had gone no further +in his admiration of her--that he had never expressed his regard +in words--that no one, as he believed, was cognisant of the +incipient love which had grown partly out of his admiration, and +partly out of his reason. He was thankful to be spared any +implication in the nine-days' wonder which her story had made in +Eccleston. And yet his feeling for her had been of so strong a +character, that he winced, as with extreme pain, at every +application of censure to her name. These censures were often +exaggerated, it is true; but, when they were just in their +judgment of the outward circumstances of the case, they were not +the less painful and distressing to him. His first rebound to +Jemima was occasioned by Mrs. Bradshaw's account of how severely +her husband was displeased at her daughter's having taken part +with Ruth; and he could have thanked and almost blessed Jemima +when she dropped in (she dared do no more) her pleading excuses +and charitable explanations on Ruth's behalf. Jemima had learnt +some humility from the discovery which had been to her so great a +shock; standing, she had learnt to take heed lest she fell; and, +when she had once been aroused to a perception of the violence of +the hatred which she had indulged against Ruth, she was more +reticent and measured in the expression of all her opinions. It +showed how much her character had been purified from pride, that +now she felt aware that what in her was again attracting Mr. +Farquhar was her faithful advocacy of her rival, wherever such +advocacy was wise or practicable. He was quite unaware that +Jemima had been conscious of his great admiration for Ruth; he +did not know that she had ever cared enough for him to be +jealous. But the unacknowledged bond between them now was their +grief, and sympathy, and pity for Ruth; only in Jemima these +feelings were ardent, and would fain have become active; while in +Mr. Farquhar they were strongly mingled with thankfulness that he +had escaped a disagreeable position, and a painful notoriety. His +natural caution induced him to make a resolution never to think +of any woman as a wife until he had ascertained all her +antecedents, from her birth upwards; and the same spirit of +caution, directed inwardly, made him afraid of giving too much +pity to Ruth, for fear of the conclusions to which such a feeling +might lead him. But still his old regard for her, for Leonard, +and his esteem and respect for the Bensons, induced him to lend a +willing ear to Jemima's earnest entreaty that he would go and +call on Mr. Benson, in order that she might learn something about +the family in general, and Ruth in particular. It was thus that +he came to sit by Mr. Benson's study fire, and to talk, in an +absent way, to that gentleman. How they got on the subject he did +not know, more than one-half of his attention being distracted; +but they were speaking about politics, when Mr. Farquhar learned +that Mr. Benson took in no newspaper. + +"Will you allow me to send you over my Times? I have generally +done with it before twelve o'clock, and after that it is really +waste-paper in my house. You will oblige me by making use of it." + +"I am sure I am very much obliged to you for thinking of it. But +do not trouble yourself to send it; Leonard can fetch it." + +"How is Leonard now?" asked Mr. Farquhar, and he tried to speak +indifferently; but a grave look of intelligence clouded his eyes +as he looked for Mr. Benson's answer. "I have not met him +lately." + +"No!" said Mr. Benson, with an expression of pain in his +countenance, though he, too, strove to speak in his usual tone. + +"Leonard is not strong, and we find it difficult to induce him to +go much out-of-doors." + +There was a little silence for a minute or two, during which Mr. +Farquhar had to check an unbidden sigh. But, suddenly rousing +himself into a determination to change the subject, he said-- + +"You will find rather a lengthened account of the exposure of Sir +Thomas Campbell's conduct at Baden. He seems to be a complete +blackleg, in spite of his baronetcy. I fancy the papers are glad +to get hold of anything just now." + +"Who is Sir Thomas Campbell?" asked Mr. Benson. + +"Oh, I thought you might have heard the report--a true one, I +believe--of Mr. Donne's engagement to his daughter. He must be +glad she jilted him now, I fancy, after this public exposure of +her father's conduct." (That was an awkward speech, as Mr. +Farquhar felt; and he hastened to cover it, by going on without +much connection.) + +"Dick Bradshaw is my informant about all these projected +marriages in high life--they are not much in my way; but, since +he has come down from London to take his share in the business, I +think I have heard more of the news and the scandal of what, I +suppose, would be considered high life, than ever I did before; +and Mr. Donne's proceedings seem to be an especial object of +interest to him." + +"And Mr. Donne is engaged to a Miss Campbell, is he?" + +"Was engaged; if I understood right, she broke off the engagement +to marry some Russian prince or other--a better match, Dick +Bradshaw told me. I assure you, continued Mr. Farquhar, smiling, +"I am a very passive recipient of all such intelligence, and +might very probably have forgotten all about it, if the Times of +this morning had not been so full of the disgrace of the young +lady's father." + +"Richard Bradshaw has quite left London, has he?" asked Mr. +Benson, who felt far more interest in his old patron's family +than in all the Campbells that ever were or ever would be. + +"Yes. He has come to settle down here. I hope he may do well, and +not disappoint his father, who has formed very high expectations +from him; I am not sure if they are not too high for any young +man to realise." Mr. Farquhar could have said more; but Dick +Bradshaw was Jemima's brother, and an object of anxiety to her. + +"I am sure, I trust such a mortification--such a grief as any +disappointment in Richard, may not befall his father," replied +Mr. Benson. + +"Jemima--Miss Bradshaw," said Mr. Farquhar, hesitating, "was most +anxious to hear of you all. I hope I may tell her you are all +well" (with an emphasis on all); "that----" + +"Thank you. Thank her for us. We are all well; all except +Leonard, who is not strong, as I said before. But we must be +patient. Time, and such devoted, tender love as he has from his +mother, must do much." + +Mr. Farquhar was silent. + +"Send him to my house for the papers. It will be a little +necessity for him to have some regular exercise, and to face the +world. He must do it, sooner or later." + +The two gentlemen shook hands with each other warmly on parting; +but no further allusion was made to either Ruth or Leonard. + +So Leonard went for the papers. Stealing along by back +streets--running with his head bent down--his little heart +panting with dread of being pointed out as his mother's child--so +he used to come back, and run trembling to Sally, who would hush +him up to her breast with many a rough-spoken word of pity and +sympathy. Mr. Farquhar tried to catch him to speak to him, and +tame him, as it were; and, by-and-by, he contrived to interest +him sufficiently to induce the boy to stay a little while in the +house or stables, or garden. But the race through the streets was +always to be dreaded as the end of ever so pleasant a visit. Mr. +Farquhar kept up the intercourse with the Bensons which he had +thus begun. He persevered in paying calls--quiet visits, where +not much was said, political or local news talked about, and the +same inquiries always made and answered as to the welfare of the +two families, who were estranged from each other. Mr. Farquhar's +reports were so little varied that Jemima grew anxious to know +more particulars. + +"Oh, Mr. Farquhar!" said she; "do you think they tell you the +truth? I wonder what Ruth can be doing to support herself and +Leonard? Nothing that you can hear of, you say; and, of course, +one must not ask the downright question. And yet I am sure they +must be pinched in some way. Do you think Leonard is stronger?" + +"I am not sure. He is growing fast; and such a blow as he has had +will be certain to make him more thoughtful and full of care than +most boys of his age; both these circumstances may make him thin +and pale, which he certainly is." + +"Oh! how I wish I might go and see them all! I could tell in a +twinkling the real state of things." She spoke with a tinge of +her old impatience. + +"I will go again, and pay particular attention to anything you +wish me to observe. You see, of course, I feel a delicacy about +asking any direct questions, or even alluding in any way to these +late occurrences." + +"And you never see Ruth by any chance?" + +"Never!" + +They did not look at each other while this last question was +asked and answered. + +"I will take the paper to-morrow myself; it will be an excuse for +calling again, and I will try to be very penetrating; but I have +not much hope of success. + +"Oh, thank you. It is giving you a great deal of trouble; but you +are very kind." + +"Kind, Jemima!" he repeated, in a tone which made her go very red +and hot; "must I tell you how you can reward me?--Will you call +me Walter?--say, thank you, Walter--just for once." + +Jemima felt herself yielding to the voice and tone in which this +was spoken; but her very consciousness of the depth of her love +made her afraid of giving way, and anxious to be wooed, that she +might be reinstated in her self-esteem. + +"No!" said she, "I don't think I can call you so. You are too +old. It would not be respectful." She meant it half in joke, and +had no idea he would take the allusion to his age so seriously as +he did. He rose up, and coldly, as a matter of form, in a changed +voice, wished her "Good-bye." Her heart sank; yet the old pride +was there. But as he was at the very door, some sudden impulse +made her speak-- + +"I have not vexed you, have I, Walter?" + +He turned round, glowing with a thrill of delight. She was as red +as any rose; her looks dropped down to the ground. + +They were not raised, when, half-an-hour afterwards, she said, +"You won't forbid my going to see Ruth, will you? because if you +do, I give you notice I shall disobey you." The arm around her +waist clasped her yet more fondly at the idea, suggested by this +speech, of the control which he should have a right to exercise +over her actions at some future day. + +"Tell me," said he, "how much of your goodness to me, this last +happy hour, has been owing to the desire of having more, freedom +as a wife than as a daughter?" She was almost glad that he should +think she needed any additional motive to her love for him before +she could have accepted him. She was afraid that she had betrayed +the deep, passionate regard with which she had long looked upon +him. She was lost in delight at her own happiness. She was silent +for a time. At length she said-- + +"I don't think you know how faithful I have been to you ever +since the days when you first brought me pistachio-candy from +London--when I was quite a little girl." + +"Not more faithful than I have been to you," for in truth, the +recollection of his love for Ruth had utterly faded away, and he +thought himself a model of constancy; "and you have tried me +pretty well. What a vixen you have been!" Jemima sighed; smitten +with the consciousness of how little she had deserved her present +happiness; humble with the recollection of the evil thoughts that +had raged in her heart during the time (which she remembered +well, though he may have forgotten it) when Ruth had had the +affection which her jealous rival coveted. + +"I may speak to your father; may not I, Jemima?" + +No! for some reason or fancy which she could not define, and +could not be persuaded out of, she wished to keep their mutual +understanding a secret. She had a natural desire to avoid the +congratulations she expected from her family. She dreaded her +father's consideration of the whole affair as a satisfactory +disposal of his daughter to a worthy man, who, being his partner, +would not require any abstraction of capital from the concern, +and Richard's more noisy delight at his sister's having "hooked" +so good a match. It was only her simple-hearted mother that she +longed to tell. She knew that her mother's congratulations would +not jar upon her, though they might not sound the full organ-peal +of her love. But all that her mother knew passed onwards to her +father; so for the present, at any rate, she determined to +realise her secret position alone. Somehow, the sympathy of all +others that she most longed for was Ruth's; but the first +communication of such an event was due to her parents. She +imposed very strict regulations on Mr. Farquhar's behaviour; and +quarrelled and differed from him more than ever, but with a +secret joyful understanding with him in her heart, even while +they disagreed with each other--for similarity of opinion is not +always--I think not often--needed for fulness and perfection of +love. + +After Ruth's "detection," as Mr. Bradshaw used to call it, he +said he could never trust another governess again; so Mary and +Elizabeth had been sent to school the following Christmas, and +their place in the family was but poorly supplied by the return +of Mr. Richard Bradshaw, who had left London, and been received +as a partner. + + +CHAPTER XXIX + + +SALLY TAKES HER MONEY OUT OF THE BANK + +The conversation narrated in the last chapter as taking place +between Mr. Farquhar and Jemima, occurred about a year after +Ruth's dismissal from her situation. That year, full of small +events, and change of place to the Bradshaws, had been monotonous +and long in its course to the other household. There had been no +want of peace and tranquillity; there had, perhaps, been more of +them than in the preceding years, when, though unacknowledged by +any, all must have occasionally felt the oppression of the +falsehood--and a slight glancing dread must have flashed across +their most prosperous state, lest, somehow or another, the +mystery should be disclosed. But now, as the shepherd-boy in John +Bunyan sweetly sang, "He that is low need fear no fall." Still, +their peace was as the stillness of a grey autumnal day, when no +sun is to be seen above, and when a quiet film seems drawn before +both sky and earth, as if to rest the wearied eyes after the +summer's glare. Few events broke the monotony of their lives, and +those events were of a depressing kind. They consisted in Ruth's +futile endeavours to obtain some employment, however humble; in +Leonard's fluctuations of spirits and health; in Sally's +increasing deafness; in the final and unmendable wearing-out of +the parlour carpet, which there was no spare money to replace, +and so they cheerfully supplied its want by a large hearth-rug +that Ruth made out of ends of list; and, what was more a subject +of unceasing regret to Mr. Benson than all, the defection of some +of the members of his congregation, who followed Mr. Bradshaw's +lead. Their places, to be sure, were more than filled up by the +poor, who thronged to his chapel; but still it was a +disappointment to find that people about whom he had been +earnestly thinking--to whom he had laboured to do good--should +dissolve the connection without a word of farewell or +explanation. Mr. Benson did not wonder that they should go; nay, +he even felt it right that they should seek that spiritual help +from another, which he, by his error, had forfeited his power to +offer; he only wished they had spoken of their intention to him +in an open and manly way. But not the less did he labour on among +those to whom God permitted him to be of use. He felt age +stealing upon him apace, although he said nothing about it, and +no one seemed to be aware of it; and he worked the more +diligently while "it was yet day." It was not the number of his +years that made him feel old, for he was only sixty, and many men +are hale and strong at that time of life; in all probability, it +was that early injury to his spine which affected the +constitution of his mind as well as his body, and predisposed +him, in the opinion of some at least, to a feminine morbidness of +conscience. He had shaken off somewhat of this since the affair +with Mr. Bradshaw; he was simpler and more dignified than he had +been for several years before, during which time he had been +anxious and uncertain in his manner, and more given to thought +than to action. + +The one happy bright spot in this grey year was owing to Sally. +As she said of herself, she believed she grew more "nattered" as +she grew older; but that she was conscious of her "natteredness" +was a new thing, and a great gain to the comfort of the house, +for it made her very grateful for forbearance, and more aware of +kindness than she had ever been before. She had become very deaf; +yet she was uneasy and jealous if she were not informed of all +the family thoughts, plans, and proceedings, which often had +(however private in their details) to be shouted to her at the +full pitch of the voice. But she always heard Leonard perfectly. +His clear and bell-like voice, which was similar to his mother's +till sorrow had taken the ring out of it, was sure to be heard by +the old servant, though every one else had failed. Sometimes, +however, she "got her hearing sudden," as she phrased it, and was +alive to every word and noise, more particularly when they did +not want her to hear; and at such times she resented their +continuance of the habit of speaking loud as a mortal offence. +One day, her indignation at being thought deaf called out one of +the rare smiles on Leonard's face; she saw it, and said, "Bless +thee, lad; if it but amuses thee, they may shout through a ram's +horn to me, and I'll never let on I'm not deaf. It's as good a +use as I can be of," she continued to herself, "if I can make +that poor lad smile a bit." + +If she expected to be everybody's confidant, she made Leonard +hers. "There!" said she, when she came home from her marketing +one Saturday night, "look here, lad! Here's forty-two pound, +seven shillings and twopence! It's a mint of money, isn't it? I +took it all in sovereigns for fear of fire." + +"What is it all for, Sally?" said he. + +"Ay, lad! that's asking. It's Mr. Benson's money," said she +mysteriously, "that I've been keeping for him. Is he in the +study, think ye?" + +"Yes! I think so. Where have you been keeping it?" + +"Never you mind!" She went towards the study, but, thinking she +might have been hard on her darling in refusing to gratify his +curiosity, she turned back and said-- + +"I say--if thou wilt thou mayest do me a job of work some day. +I'm wanting a frame made for a piece of writing." + +And then she returned to go into the study, carrying her +sovereigns in her apron. + +"Here, Master Thurstan," said she, pouring them out on the table +before her astonished master. "Take it, it's all yours." + +"All mine! What can you mean?" asked he, bewildered. + +She did not hear him and went on-- + +"Lock it up safe out o' the way. Dunnot go and leave it about to +tempt folks. I'll not answer for myself if money's left about. I +may be cribbing a sovereign." + +"But where does it come from?" said he. + +"Come from!" she replied. "Where does all money come from but the +bank, to be sure. I thought any one could tell that." + +"I have no money in the bank!" said he, more and more perplexed. + +"No, I knowed that; but I had. Dunnot ye remember how ye would +raise my wage last Martinmas eighteen year? You and Faith were +very headstrong, but I was too deep for you. See thee! I went and +put it i' th' bank. I was never going to touch it; and if I had +died it would have been all right, for I'd a will made, all +regular and tight--made by a lawyer (leastwise he would have been +a lawyer if he hadn't got transported first). And now, thinks I, +I think I'll just go and get it out and give it 'em. Banks is not +always safe." + +"I'll take care of it for you with the greatest pleasure. Still, +you know, banks allow interest." + +"D'ye suppose I don't know all about interest and compound +interest too by this time? I tell ye I want ye to spend it. It's +your own. It's not mine. It always was yours. Now you're not +going to fret me by saying you think it mine." Mr. Benson held +out his hand to her, for he could not speak. She bent forward to +him as he sat there and kissed him. + +"Eh, bless ye, lad! It's the first kiss I've had of ye sin' ye +were a little lad, and it's a great refreshment. Now don't you +and Faith go and bother me with talking about it. It's just +yours, and make no more ado." + +She went back into the kitchen, and brought out her will, and +gave Leonard directions how to make a frame for it; for the boy +was a very tolerable joiner, and had a box of tools which Mr. +Bradshaw had given him some years ago. + +"It's a pity to lose such fine writing," said she; "though I +can't say as I can read it. Perhaps you'd just read it for me, +Leonard." She sat open-mouthed with admiration at all the long +words. + +The frame was made, and the will hung up opposite to her bed, +unknown to any one but Leonard; and, by dint of his repeated +reading it over to her, she learnt all the words, except +"testatrix" which she would always call "testy tricks." Mr. +Benson had been too much gratified and touched, by her +unconditional gift of all she had in the world, to reject it; but +he only held it in his hands as a deposit until he could find a +safe investment befitting so small a sum. The little +rearrangements of the household expenditure had not touched him +as they had done the women. He was aware that meat-dinners were +not now everyday occurrences; but he preferred puddings and +vegetables, and was glad of the exchange. He observed, too, that +they all sat together in the kitchen in the evenings; but the +kitchen, with the well-scoured dresser, the shining saucepans, +the well-blacked grate, and whitened hearth, and the warmth which +seemed to rise up from the very flags, and ruddily cheer the most +distant corners, appeared a very cosy and charming sitting-room; +and, besides, it appeared but right that Sally, in her old age, +should have the companionship of those with whom she had lived in +love and faithfulness so many years. He only wished he could more +frequently leave the solitary comfort of his study, and join the +kitchen party; where Sally sat as mistress in the chimney corner, +knitting by firelight, and Miss Benson and Ruth, with the candle +between them, stitched away at their work; while Leonard strewed +the ample dresser with his slate and books. He did not mope and +pine over his lessons; they were the one thing that took him out +of himself. As yet his mother could teach him, though in some +respects it was becoming a strain upon her acquirements and +powers. Mr. Benson saw this, but reserved his offers of help as +long as he could, hoping that before his assistance became +absolutely necessary, some mode of employment beyond that of +occasional plain-work might be laid open to Ruth. + +In spite of the communication they occasionally had with Mr. +Farquhar, when he gave them the intelligence of his engagement to +Jemima, it seemed like a glimpse into a world from which they +were shut out. They wondered--Miss Benson and Ruth did at +least--much about the details. Ruth sat over her sewing, fancying +how all had taken place; and, as soon as she had arranged the +events which were going on among people and places once so +familiar to her, she found some discrepancy, and set-to afresh to +picture the declaration of love, and the yielding, blushing +acceptance; for Mr. Farquhar had told little beyond the mere fact +that there was an engagement between himself and Jemima which had +existed for some time, but which had been kept secret until now, +when it was acknowledged, sanctioned, and to be fulfilled as soon +as he returned from an arrangement of family affairs in Scotland. +This intelligence had been enough for Mr. Benson, who was the +only person Mr. Farquhar saw; as Ruth always shrank from the post +of opening the door, and Mr. Benson was apt at recognising +individual knocks, and always prompt to welcome Mr. Farquhar. + +Miss Benson occasionally thought--and what she thought she was in +the habit of saying--that Jemima might have come herself to +announce such an event to old friends; but Mr. Benson decidedly +vindicated her from any charge of neglect, by expressing his +strong conviction that to her they owed Mr. Farquhar's calls--his +all but out-spoken offers of service--his quiet, steady interest +in Leonard; and, moreover (repeating the conversation he had had +with her in the street, the first time they met after the +disclosure), Mr. Benson told his sister how glad he was to find +that, with all the warmth of her impetuous disposition hurrying +her on to rebellion against her father, she was now attaining to +that just self-control which can distinguish between mere wishes +and true reasons--that she could abstain from coming to see Ruth +while she would do but little good, reserving herself for some +great occasion or strong emergency. + +Ruth said nothing, but she yearned all the more in silence to see +Jemima. In her recollection of that fearful interview with Mr. +Bradshaw, which haunted her yet, sleeping or waking, she was +painfully conscious that she had not thanked Jemima for her +generous, loving advocacy; it had passed unregarded at the time +in intensity of agony--but now she recollected that by no word, +or tone, or touch, had she given any sign of gratitude. Mr. +Benson had never told her of his meeting with Jemima; so it +seemed as if there were no hope of any future opportunity for it +is strange how two households, rent apart by some dissension, can +go through life, their parallel existences running side by side, +yet never touching each other, near neighbours as they are, +habitual and familiar guests as they may have been. + +Ruth's only point of hope was Leonard. She was weary of looking +for work and employment, which everywhere seemed held above her +reach. She was not impatient of this but she was very, very +sorry. She felt within her such capability, and all ignored her, +and passed her by on the other side. But she saw some progress in +Leonard. Not that he could continue to have the happy +development, and genial ripening, which other boys have; leaping +from childhood to boyhood, and thence to youth, with glad bounds, +and unconsciously enjoying every age. At present there was no +harmony in Leonard's character; he was as full of thought and +self-consciousness as many men, planning his actions long +beforehand, so as to avoid what he dreaded, and what she could +not yet give him strength to face, coward as she was herself, and +shrinking from hard remarks. Yet Leonard was regaining some of +his lost tenderness towards his mother; when they were alone he +would throw himself on her neck and smother her with kisses, +without any apparent cause for such a passionate impulse. If any +one was by, his manner was cold and reserved. The hopeful parts +of his character were the determination evident in him to be a +"law unto himself," and the serious thought which he gave to the +formation of this law. There was an inclination in him to reason, +especially and principally with Mr. Benson, on the great +questions of ethics which the majority of the world have settled +long ago. But I do not think he ever so argued with his mother. +Her lovely patience, and her humility, was earning its reward; +and from her quiet piety, bearing sweetly the denial of her +wishes--the refusal of her begging--the disgrace in which she +lay, while others, less worthy were employed--this, which +perplexed him, and almost angered him at first, called out his +reverence at last, and what she said he took for his law with +proud humility; and thus softly she was leading him up to God. +His health was not strong; it was not likely to be. He moaned and +talked in his sleep, and his appetite was still variable, part of +which might be owing to his preference of the hardest lessons to +any outdoor exercise. But this last unnatural symptom was +vanishing before the assiduous kindness of Mr. Farquhar, and the +quiet but firm desire of his mother. Next to Ruth, Sally had +perhaps the most influence over him; but he dearly loved both Mr. +and Miss Benson; although he was reserved on this, as on every +point not purely intellectual. His was a hard childhood, and his +mother felt that it was so. Children bear any moderate degree of +poverty and privation cheerfully; but, in addition to a good deal +of this, Leonard had to bear a sense of disgrace attaching to him +and to the creature he loved best; this it was that took out of +him the buoyancy and natural gladness of youth, in a way which no +scantiness of food or clothing or want of any outward comfort, +could ever have done. + +Two years had passed away--two long, eventless years. Something +was now going to happen, which touched their hearts very nearly, +though out of their sight and hearing. Jemima was going to be +married this August, and by-and-by the very day was fixed. It was +to be on the 14th. On the evening of the 13th, Ruth was sitting +alone in the parlour, idly gazing out on the darkening shadows in +the little garden; her eyes kept filling with quiet tears, that +rose, not for her own isolation from all that was going on of +bustle and preparation for the morrow's event, but because she +had seen how Miss Benson had felt that she and her brother were +left out from the gathering of old friends in the Bradshaw +family. As Ruth sat, suddenly she was aware of a figure by her; +she started up, and in the gloom of the apartment she recognised +Jemima. In an instant they were in each other's arms--a long, +fast embrace. + +"Can you forgive me?" whispered Jemima in Ruth's ear. + +"Forgive you! What do you mean? What have I to forgive? The +question is, can I ever thank you as I long to do, if I could +find words?" + +"Oh, Ruth, how I hated you once!" + +"It was all the more noble in you to stand by me as you did. You +must have hated me when you knew how I was deceiving you all!" + +"No, that was not it that made me hate you. It was before that. +Oh, Ruth, I did hate you!" + +They were silent for some time, still holding each other's hands. +Ruth spoke first-- + +"And you are going to be married to-morrow!" + +"Yes," said Jemima. "To-morrow at nine o'clock. But I don't think +I could have been married without coming to wish Mr. Benson and +Miss Faith good-bye." + +"I will go for them," said Ruth. + +"No, not just yet. I want to ask you one or two questions first. +Nothing very particular; only it seems as if there had been such +a strange, long separation between us. Ruth," said she, dropping +her voice, "is Leonard stronger than he was? I was so sorry to +hear about him from Walter. But he is better?" asked she +anxiously. + +"Yes, he is better. Not what a boy of his age should be," replied +his mother, in a tone of quiet but deep mournfulness. "Oh, +Jemima!" continued she, "my sharpest punishment comes through +him. To think of what he might have been, and what he is." + +"But Walter says he is both stronger in health, and not +so--nervous and shy;" Jemima added the last words in a hesitating +and doubtful manner, as if she did not know how to express her +full meaning without hurting Ruth. + +"He does not show that he feels his disgrace so much. I cannot +talk about it, Jemima, my heart aches so about him. But he is +better," she continued, feeling that Jemima's kind anxiety +required an answer at any cost of pain to herself. + +"He is only studying too closely now; he takes to his lessons +evidently as a relief from thought. He is very clever, and I hope +and trust, yet I tremble to say it, I believe he is very good." + +"You must let him come and see us very often when we come back. +We shall be two months away. We are going to Germany, partly on +Walter's business. Ruth, I have been talking to papa to-night, +very seriously and quietly; and it has made me love him so much +more, and understand him so much better." + +"Does he know of your coming here? I hope he does," said Ruth. + +"Yes. Not that he liked my doing it at all. But, somehow, I can +always do things against a person's wishes more easily when I am +on good terms with them--that's not exactly what I meant; but now +to-night, after papa had had been showing me that he really loved +me more than I ever thought he had done (for I always fancied he +was so absorbed in Dick, he did not care much for us girls), I +felt brave enough to say that I intended to come here and bid you +all good-bye. He was silent for a minute, and then said I might +do it, but I must remember he did not approve of it, and was not +to be compromised by my coming; still I can tell that, at the +bottom of his heart, there is some of the old kindly feeling to +Mr. and Miss Benson, and I don't despair of its all being made +up, though, perhaps, I ought to say that mamma does." + +"Mr. and Miss Benson won't hear of my going away," said Ruth +sadly. + +"They are quite right." + +"But I am earning nothing. I cannot get any employment. I am only +a burden and an expense." + +"Are you not also a pleasure? And Leonard, is he not a dear +object of love? It is easy for me to talk, I know, who am so +impatient. Oh, I never deserved to be so happy as I am! You don't +know how good Walter is. I used to think him so cold and +cautious. But now, Ruth, will you tell Mr. and Miss Benson that I +am here? There is signing of papers, and I don't know what to be +done at home. And when I come back, I hope to see you often, if +you'll let me." + +Mr. and Miss Benson gave her a warm greeting. Sally was called +in, and would bring a candle with her, to have a close inspection +of her, in order to see if she was changed--she had not seen her +for so long a time, she said; and Jemima stood laughing and +blushing in the middle of the room, while Sally studied her all +over, and would not be convinced that the old gown which she was +wearing for the last time was not one of the new wedding ones. +The consequence of which misunderstanding was, that Sally, in her +short petticoats and bedgown, turned up her nose at the +old-fashioned way in which Miss Bradshaw's gown was made. But +Jemima knew the old woman, and rather enjoyed the contempt for +her dress. At last she kissed them all, and ran away to her +impatient Mr. Farquhar, who was awaiting her. + +Not many weeks after this, the poor old woman whom I have named +as having become a friend of Ruth's during Leonard's illness +three years ago, fell down and broke her hip-bone. It was a +serious, probably a fatal, injury, for one so old; and as soon as +Ruth heard of it she devoted all her leisure time to old Ann +Fleming. Leonard had now outstripped his mother's powers of +teaching, and Mr. Benson gave him his lessons; so Ruth was a +great deal at the cottage both night and day. There Jemima found +her one November evening, the second after their return from +their prolonged stay on the Continent. She and Mr. Farquhar had +been to the Bensons, and had sat there some time; and now Jemima +had come on just to see Ruth for five minutes, before the evening +was too dark for her to return alone. She found Ruth sitting on a +stool before the fire, which was composed of a few sticks on the +hearth. The blaze they gave was, however, enough to enable her to +read; and she was deep in study of the Bible in which she had +read aloud to the poor old woman, until the latter had fallen +asleep. Jemima beckoned her out, and they stood on the green just +before the open door, so that Ruth could see if Ann awoke. + +"I have not many minutes to stay, only I felt as if I must see +you. And we want Leonard to come to us to see all our German +purchases, and hear all our German adventures. May he come +to-morrow?" + +"Yes; thank you. Oh! Jemima, I have heard something--I have got a +plan that makes me so happy! I have not told any one yet. But Mr. +Wynne (the parish doctor, you know) has asked me if I would go +out as a sick nurse--he thinks he could find me employment." + +"You, a sick nurse!" said Jemima, involuntarily glancing over the +beautiful lithe figure, and the lovely refinement of Ruth's face +as the light of the rising moon fell upon it. "My dear Ruth, I +don't think you are fitted for it!" + +"Don't you?" said Ruth, a little disappointed. "I think I am; at +least, that I should be very soon. I like being about sick and +helpless people; I always feel so sorry for them; and then I +think I have the gift of a very delicate touch, which is such a +comfort in many cases. And I should try to be very watchful and +patient. Mr. Wynne proposed it himself." + +"It was not in that way I meant you were not fitted for it. I +meant that you were fitted for something better. Why, Ruth, you +are better educated than I am!" + +"But if nobody will allow me to teach?--for that is what I +suppose you mean. Besides, I feel as if all my education would be +needed to make me a good sick nurse." + +"Your knowledge of Latin, for instance," said Jemima, hitting, in +her vexation at the plan, on the first acquirement of Ruth she +could think of. + +"Well!" said Ruth, "that won't come amiss; I can read the +prescriptions." + +"Which the doctors would rather you did not do." + +"Still, you can't say that any knowledge of any kind will be in +my way, or will unfit me for my work." + +"Perhaps not. But all your taste and refinement will be in your +way, and will unfit you." + +"You have not thought about this so much as I have, or you would +not say so. Any fastidiousness I shall have to get rid of, and I +shall be better without; but any true refinement I am sure I +shall find of use; for don't you think that every power we have +may be made to help us in any right work, whatever that is? Would +you not rather be nursed by a person who spoke gently and moved +quietly about, than by a loud bustling woman?" + +"Yes, to be sure; but a person unfit for anything else may move +quietly, and speak gently, and give medicine when the doctor +orders it, and keep awake at night; and those are the best +qualities I ever heard of in a sick nurse." Ruth was quite silent +for some time. At last she said, "At any rate it is work, and as +such I am thankful for it. You cannot discourage me--and perhaps +you know too little of what my life has been--how set apart in +idleness I have been--to sympathise with me fully." + +"And I wanted you to come to see us--me in my new home. Walter +and I had planned that we would persuade you to come to us very +often" (she had planned, and Mr. Farquhar had consented); "and +now you will have to be fastened up in a sick-room." + +"I could not have come," said Ruth quickly. "Dear Jemima! it is +like you to have thought of it--but I could not come to your +house. It is not a thing to reason about. It is just feeling. But +I do feel as if I could not go. Dear Jemima! if you are ill or +sorrowful, and want me, I will come----" + +"So you would and must to any one, if you take up that calling." + +"But I should come to you, love, in quite a different way; I +should go to you with my heart full of love--so full that I am +afraid I should be too anxious." + +"I almost wish I were ill, that I might make you come at once." + +"And I am almost ashamed to think how I should like you to be in +some position in which I could show you how well I remember that +day--that terrible day in the school-room. God bless you for it, +Jemima!" + + +CHAPTER XXX + + +THE FORGED DEED + +Mr. Wynne, the parish surgeon, was right. He could and did obtain +employment for Ruth as a sick nurse. Her home was with the +Bensons; every spare moment was given to Leonard and to them; but +she was at the call of all the invalids in the town. At first her +work lay exclusively among the paupers. At first, too, there was +a recoil from many circumstances, which impressed upon her the +most fully the physical sufferings of those whom she tended. But +she tried to lose the sense of these--or rather to lessen them, +and make them take their appointed places--in thinking of the +individuals themselves, as separate from their decaying frames; +and all along she had enough self-command to control herself from +expressing any sign of repugnance. She allowed herself no nervous +haste of movement or touch that should hurt the feelings of the +poorest, most friendless creature, who ever lay a victim to +disease. There was no rough getting over of all the disagreeable +and painful work of her employment. When it was a lessening of +pain to have the touch careful and delicate, and the ministration +performed with gradual skill, Ruth thought of her charge, and not +of herself. As she had foretold, she found a use for all her +powers. The poor patients themselves were unconsciously gratified +and soothed by her harmony and refinement of manner, voice, and +gesture. If this harmony and refinement had been merely +superficial, it would not have had this balmy effect. That arose +from its being the true expression of a kind, modest, and humble +spirit. By degrees her reputation as a nurse spread upwards, and +many sought her good offices who could well afford to pay for +them. Whatever remuneration was offered to her, she took it +simply and without comment; for she felt that it was not hers to +refuse; that it was, in fact, owing to the Bensons for her and +her child's subsistence. She went wherever her services were +first called for. If the poor bricklayer, who broke both his legs +in a fall from the scaffolding, sent for her when she was +disengaged, she went and remained with him until he could spare +her, let who would be the next claimant. From the happy and +prosperous in all but health she would occasionally beg off; when +some one less happy and more friendless wished for her; and +sometimes she would ask for a little money from Mr. Benson to +give to such in their time of need. But it was astonishing how +much she was able to do without money. + +Her ways were very quiet; she never spoke much. Any one who has +been oppressed with the weight of a vital secret for years, and +much more any one the character of whose life has been stamped by +one event, and that producing sorrow and shame, is naturally +reserved. And yet Ruth's silence was not like reserve; it was too +gentle and tender for that. It had more the effect of a hush of +all loud or disturbing emotions, and out of the deep calm the +words that came forth had a beautiful power. She did not talk +much about religion; but those who noticed her knew that it was +the unseen banner which she was following. The low-breathed +sentences which she spoke into the ear of the sufferer and the +dying carried them upwards to God. + +She gradually became known and respected among the roughest boys +of the rough populace of the town. They would make way for her +when she passed along the streets with more deference than they +used to most; for all knew something of the tender care with +which she had attended this or that sick person, and, besides, +she was so often in connection with Death that something of the +superstitious awe with which the dead were regarded by those +rough boys in the midst of their strong life, surrounded her. + +She herself did not feel changed. She felt just as faulty--as far +from being what she wanted to be, as ever. She best knew how many +of her good actions were incomplete, and marred with evil. She +did not feel much changed from the earliest Ruth she could +remember. Everything seemed to change but herself. Mr. and Miss +Benson grew old, and Sally grew deaf, and Leonard was shooting +up, and Jemima was a mother. She and the distant hills that she +saw from her chamber window, seemed the only things which were +the same as when she first came to Eccleston. As she sat looking +out, and taking her fill of solitude, which sometimes was her +most thorough rest--as she sat at the attic window looking +abroad--she saw their next-door neighbour carried out to sun +himself in his garden. When she first came to Eccleston, this +neighbour and his daughter were often seen taking long and +regular walks; by-and-by his walks became shorter, and the +attentive daughter would convoy him home, and set out afresh to +finish her own. Of late years he had only gone out in the garden +behind his house; but at first he had walked pretty briskly there +by his daughter's help--now he was carried, and placed in a +large, cushioned easy-chair, his head remaining where it was +placed against the pillow, and hardly moving when his kind +daughter, who was now middle-aged, brought him the first roses of +the summer. This told Ruth of the lapse of life and time. + +Mr. and Mrs. Farquhar were constant in their attentions; but +there was no sign of Mr. Bradshaw ever forgiving the imposition +which had been practised upon him, and Mr. Benson ceased to hope +for any renewal of their intercourse. Still, he thought that he +must know of all the kind attentions which Jemima paid to them, +and of the fond regard which both she and her husband bestowed on +Leonard. This latter feeling even went so far that Mr. Farquhar +called one day, and with much diffidence begged Mr. Benson to +urge Ruth to let him be sent to school at his (Mr. Farquhar's) +expense. + +Mr. Benson was taken by surprise, and hesitated. "I do not know. +It would be a great advantage in some respects; and yet I doubt +whether it would in others. His mother's influence over him is +thoroughly good, and I should fear that any thoughtless allusions +to his peculiar position might touch the raw spot in his mind." + +"But he is so unusually clever, it seems a shame not to give him +all the advantages he can have. Besides, does he see much of his +mother now?" + +"Hardly a day passes without her coming home to be an hour or so +with him, even at her busiest times; she says it is her best +refreshment. And often, you know, she is disengaged for a week or +two, except the occasional services which she is always rendering +to those who need her. Your offer is very tempting, but there is +so decidedly another view of the question to be considered, that +I believe we must refer it to her." + +"With all my heart. Don't hurry her to a decision. Let her weigh +it well. I think she will find the advantages preponderate." + +"I wonder if I might trouble you with a little business, Mr. +Farquhar, as you are here?" + +"Certainly; I am only too glad to be of any use to you." + +"Why, I see from the report of the Star Life Assurance Company in +the Times, which you are so good as to send me, that they have +declared a bonus on the shares; now it seems strange that I have +received no notification of it, and I thought that perhaps it +might be lying at your office, as Mr. Bradshaw was the purchaser +of the shares, and I have always received the dividends through +your firm." + +Mr. Farquhar took the newspaper, and ran his eye over the report. + +"I have no doubt that's the way of it," said he. "Some of our +clerks have been careless about it; or it may be Richard himself. +He is not always the most punctual and exact of mortals; but I'll +see about it. Perhaps after all it mayn't come for a day or two; +they have always such numbers of these circulars to send out." + +"Oh! I'm in no hurry about it. I only want to receive it some +time before I incur any expenses, which the promise of this bonus +may tempt me to indulge in." + +Mr. Farquhar took his leave. That evening there was a long +conference, for, as it happened, Ruth was at home. She was +strenuously against the school plan. She could see no advantages +that would counterbalance the evil which she dreaded from any +school for Leonard; namely, that the good opinion and regard of +the world would assume too high an importance in his eyes. The +very idea seemed to produce in her so much shrinking affright, +that by mutual consent the subject was dropped; to be taken up +again, or not, according to circumstances. + +Mr. Farquhar wrote the next morning, on Mr. Benson's behalf, to +the Insurance Company, to inquire about the bonus. Although he +wrote in the usual formal way, he did not think it necessary to +tell Mr. Bradshaw what he had done; for Mr. Benson's name was +rarely mentioned between the partners; each had been made fully +aware of the views which the other entertained on the subject +that had caused the estrangement; and Mr. Farquhar felt that no +external argument could affect Mr. Bradshaw's resolved +disapproval and avoidance of his former minister. + +As it happened, the answer from the Insurance Company (directed +to the firm) was given to Mr. Bradshaw along with the other +business letters. It was to the effect that Mr. Benson's shares +had been sold and transferred above a twelvemonth ago, which +sufficiently accounted for the circumstance that no notification +of the bonus had been sent to him. + +Mr. Bradshaw tossed the letter on one side, not displeased to +have a good reason for feeling a little contempt at the +unbusiness-like forgetfulness of Mr. Benson, at. whose instance +some one had evidently been writing to the Insurance Company. On +Mr. Farquhar's entrance, he expressed this feeling to him. + +"Really," he said, "these Dissenting ministers have no more +notion of exactitude in their affairs than a child! The idea of +forgetting that he has sold his shares, and applying for the +bonus, when it seems he has transferred them only a year ago!" + +Mr. Farquhar was reading the letter while Mr. Bradshaw spoke. + +"I don't quite understand it," said he. "Mr. Benson was quite +clear about it. He could not have received his half-yearly +dividends unless he had been possessed of these shares; and I +don't suppose Dissenting ministers, with all their ignorance of +business, are unlike other men in knowing whether or not they +receive the money that they believe to be owing to them." + +"I should not wonder if they were--if Benson was, at any rate. +Why, I never knew his watch to be right in all my life--it was +always too fast or too slow; it must have been a daily discomfort +to him. It ought to have been. Depend upon it, his money matters +are just in the same irregular state; no accounts kept, I'll be +bound." + +"I don't see that that follows," said Mr. Farquhar, half amused. +"That watch of his is a very curious one--belonged to his father +and grandfather, I don't know how far back." + +"And the sentimental feelings which he is guided by prompt him to +keep it, to the inconvenience of himself and every one else." + +Mr. Farquhar gave up the subject of the watch as hopeless. + +"But about this letter. I wrote, at Mr. Benson's desire, to the +Insurance Office, and I am not satisfied with this answer. All +the transaction has passed through our hands. I do not think it +is likely Mr. Benson would write and sell the shares without, at +any rate, informing us at the time, even though he forgot all +about it afterwards." + +"Probably he told Richard, or Mr. Watson." + +"We can ask Mr. Watson at once. I am afraid we must wait till +Richard comes home, for I don't know where a letter would catch +him." Mr. Bradshaw pulled the bell that rang into the +head-clerk's room, saying as he did so-- + +"You may depend upon it, Farquhar, the blunder lies with Benson +himself. He is just the man to muddle away his money in +indiscriminate charity, and then to wonder what has become of +it." + +Mr. Farquhar was discreet enough to hold his tongue. + +"Mr. Watson," said Mr. Bradshaw, as the old clerk made his +appearance, "here is some mistake about those Insurance shares we +purchased for Benson ten or a dozen years ago. He spoke to Mr. +Farquhar about some bonus they are paying to the shareholders, it +seems; and, in reply to Mr. Farquhar's letter, the Insurance +Company say the shares were sold twelve months since. Have you +any knowledge of the transaction? Has the transfer passed through +your hands? By the way" (turning to Mr. Farquhar), "who kept the +certificates? Did Benson or we?" + +"I really don't know," said Mr. Farquhar. "Perhaps Mr. Watson can +tell us." + +Mr. Watson meanwhile was studying the letter. When he had ended +it, he took off his spectacles, wiped them, and replacing them, +he read it again. + +"It seems very strange, sir," he said at length, with his +trembling, aged voice, "for I paid Mr. Benson the account of the +dividends myself last June, and got a receipt in form, and that +is since the date of the alleged transfer." + +"Pretty nearly twelve months after it took place," said Mr. +Farquhar. + +"How did you receive the dividends? An order on the Bank, along +with old Mrs. Cranmer's?" asked Mr. Bradshaw sharply. + +"I don't know how they came. Mr. Richard gave me the money, and +desired me to get the receipt." + +"It's unlucky Richard is from home," said Mr. Bradshaw; "he could +have cleared up this mystery for us." + +Mr. Farquhar was silent. + +"Do you know where the certificates were kept, Mr. Watson?" said +he. + +"I'll not be sure, but I think they were with Mrs. Cranmer's +papers and deeds in box A, 24." + +"I wish old Cranmer would have made any other man his executor. +She, too, is always coming with some unreasonable request or +other." + +"Mr. Benson's inquiry about his bonus is perfectly reasonable, at +any rate." Mr. Watson, who was dwelling in the slow fashion of +age on what had been said before, now spoke-- + +"I'll not be sure, but I am almost certain, Mr. Benson said, when +I paid him last June, that he thought he ought to give the +receipt on a stamp, and had spoken about it to Mr. Richard the +time before, but that Mr. Richard said it was of no consequence. +Yes," continued he, gathering up his memory as he went on, "he +did--I remember now--and I thought to myself that Mr. Richard was +but a young man. Mr. Richard will know all about it." + +"Yes," said Mr. Farquhar gravely. + +"I shan't wait till Richard's return," said Mr. Bradshaw. "We can +soon see if the certificates are in the box Watson points out; if +they are there, the Insurance people are no more fit to manage +their concern than that cat, and I shall tell them so. If they +are not there (as I suspect will prove to be the case), it is +just forgetfulness on Benson's part, as I have said from the +first." + +"You forget the payment of the dividends," said Mr. Farquhar, in +a low voice. + +"Well, sir! what then?" said Mr. Bradshaw abruptly. While he +spoke--while his eye met Mr. Farquhar's--the hinted meaning of +the latter flashed through his mind; but he was only made angry +to find that such a suspicion could pass through any one's +imagination. + +"I suppose I may go, sir," said Watson respectfully, an uneasy +consciousness of what was in Mr. Farquhar's thoughts troubling +the faithful old clerk. + +"Yes. Go. What do you mean about the dividends?" asked Mr. +Bradshaw impetuously of Mr. Farquhar. + +"Simply, that I think there can have been no forgetfulness--no +mistake on Mr. Benson's part," said Mr. Farquhar, unwilling to +put his dim suspicion into words. + +"Then, of course, it is some blunder of that confounded Insurance +Company. I will write to them to-day, and make them a little +brisker and more correct in their statements." + +"Don't you think it would be better to wait till Richard's +return? He may be able to explain it." + +"No, sir!" said Mr. Bradshaw sharply. "I do not think it would be +better. It has not been my way of doing business to spare any +one, or any company, the consequences of their own carelessness; +nor to obtain information second-hand, when I could have it +direct from the source. I shall write to the Insurance Office by +the next post." + +Mr. Farquhar saw that any further remonstrance on his part would +only aggravate his partner's obstinacy: and, besides, it was but +a suspicion,--an uncomfortable suspicion. It was possible that +some of the clerks at the Insurance Office might have made a +mistake. Watson was not sure, after all, that the certificates +had been deposited in box A, 24; and when he and Mr. Farquhar +could not find them there, the old man drew more and yet more +back from his first assertion of belief, that they had been +placed there. + +Mr. Bradshaw wrote an angry and indignant reproach of +carelessness to the Insurance Company. By the next mail one of +their clerks came down to Eccleston; and, having leisurely +refreshed himself at the inn, and ordered his dinner with care, +he walked up to the great warehouse of Bradshaw & Co., and sent +in his card, with a pencil notification, "On the part of the Star +Insurance Company," to Mr. Bradshaw himself. + +Mr. Bradshaw held the card in his hand for a minute or two +without raising his eyes. Then he spoke out loud and firm-- + +"Desire the gentleman to walk up. Stay! I will ring my bell in a +minute or two, and then show him upstairs." + +When the errand-boy had closed the door, Mr. Bradshaw went to a +cupboard where he usually kept a glass and a bottle of wine (of +which he very seldom partook, for he was an abstemious man). He +intended now to take a glass, but the bottle was empty; and, +though there was plenty more to be had for ringing, or even +simply going into another room, he would not allow himself to do +this. He stood and lectured himself in thought. + +"After all, I am a fool for once in my life. If the certificates +are in no box which I have yet examined, that does not imply they +may not be in some one which I have not had time to search. +Farquhar would stay so late last night! And, even if they are in +none of the boxes here, that does not prove----" He gave the bell +a jerking ring, and it was yet sounding when Mr. Smith, the +insurance clerk, entered. + +The manager of the Insurance Company had been considerably +nettled at the tone of Mr. Bradshaw's letter; and had instructed +the clerk to assume some dignity at first in vindicating (as it +was well in his power to do) the character of the proceedings of +the Company, but at the same time he was not to go too far, for +the firm of Bradshaw & Co. was daily looming larger in the +commercial world, and if any reasonable explanation could be +given it was to be received, and bygones be bygones. + +"Sit down, sir!" said Mr. Bradshaw. + +"You are aware, sir, I presume, that I come on the part of Mr. +Dennison, the manager of the Star Insurance Company, to reply in +person to a letter of yours, of the 29th, addressed to him?" + +Mr. Bradshaw bowed. "Avery careless piece of business," he said +stiffly. "Mr. Dennison does not think you will consider it as +such when you have seen the deed of transfer, which I am +commissioned to show you." + +Mr. Bradshaw took the deed with a steady hand. He wiped his +spectacles quietly, without delay, and without hurry, and +adjusted them on his nose. It is possible that he was rather long +in looking over the document--at least, the clerk had just begun +to wonder if he was reading through the whole of it, instead of +merely looking at the signature, when Mr. Bradshaw said: "It is +possible that it may be----of course, you will allow me to take +this paper to Mr. Benson, to--to inquire if this be his +signature?" + +"There can be no doubt of it, I think, sir," said the clerk, +calmly smiling, for he knew Mr. Benson's signature well. + +"I don't know, sir--I don't know." (He was speaking as if the +pronunciation of every word required a separate effort of will, +like a man who has received a slight paralytic stroke.) + +"You have heard, sir, of such a thing as forgery--forgery, sir?" +said he, repeating the last word very distinctly; for he feared +that the first time he had said it, it was rather slurred over. + +"Oh, sir! there is no room for imagining such a thing, I assure +you. In our affairs we become aware of curious forgetfulness on +the part of those who are not of business habits." + +"Still I should like to show it Mr. Benson, to prove to him his +forgetfulness, you know. I believe, on my soul, it is some of his +careless forgetfulness--I do, sir," said he. Now he spoke very +quickly. "It must have been. Allow me to convince myself. You +shall have it back to-night, or the first thing in the morning." + +The clerk did not quite like to relinquish the deed, nor yet did +he like to refuse Mr. Bradshaw. If that very uncomfortable idea +of forgery should have any foundation in truth--and he had given +up the writing! There were a thousand chances to one against its +being anything but a stupid blunder; the risk was more imminent +of offending one of the directors. + +As he hesitated, Mr. Bradshaw spoke very calmly, and almost with +a smile on his face. He had regained his self-command. "You are +afraid, I see. I assure you, you may trust me. If there has been +any fraud--if I have the slightest suspicion of the truth of the +surmise I threw out just now,"--he could not quite speak the bare +naked word that was chilling his heart--"I will not fail to aid +the ends of justice, even though the culprit should be my own +son." + +He ended, as he began, with a smile--such a smile!--the stiff +lips refused to relax and cover the teeth. But all the time he +kept saying to himself-- + +"I don't believe it--I don't believe it. I'm convinced it's a +blunder of that old fool Benson." + +But when he had dismissed the clerk, and secured the piece of +paper, he went and locked the door, and laid his head on his +desk, and moaned aloud. He had lingered in the office for the two +previous nights; at first, occupying himself in searching for the +certificates of the Insurance shares; but, when all the boxes and +other repositories for papers had been ransacked, the thought +took hold of him that they might be in Richard's private desk; +and, with the determination which overlooks the means to get at +the end, he had first tried all his own keys on the complicated +lock, and then broken it open with two decided blows of a poker, +the instrument nearest at hand. He did not find the certificates. +Richard had always considered himself careful in destroying any +dangerous or tell-tale papers; but the stern father found enough, +in what remained, to convince him that his pattern son--more even +than his pattern son, his beloved pride--was far other than what +he seemed. + +Mr. Bradshaw did not skip or miss a word. He did not shrink while +he read. He folded up letter by letter; he snuffed the candle +when its light began to wane, and no sooner; but he did not miss +or omit one paper--he read every word. Then, leaving the letters +in a heap upon the table, and the broken desk to tell its own +tale, he locked the door of the room which was appropriated to +his son as junior partner, and carried the key away with him. + +There was a faint hope, even after this discovery of many +circumstances of Richard's life, which shocked and dismayed his +father--there was still a faint hope that he might not be guilty +of forgery--that it might not be no forgery after all--only a +blunder--an omission--a stupendous piece of forgetfulness. That +hope was the one straw that Mr. Bradshaw clung to. + +Late that night Mr. Benson sat in his study Every one else in the +house had gone to bed; but he was expecting a summons to some one +who was dangerously ill. He was not startled, therefore, at the +knock which came to the front door about twelve; but he was +rather surprised at the character of the knock, so slow and loud, +with a pause between each rap. His study-door was but a step from +that which led into the street. He opened it, and there +stood--Mr. Bradshaw; his large, portly figure not to be mistaken +even in the dusky night. + +He said, "That is right. It was you I wanted to see." And he +walked straight into the study. Mr. Benson followed, and shut the +door. Mr. Bradshaw was standing by the table, fumbling in his +pocket. He pulled out the deed; and, opening it, after a pause, +in which you might have counted five, he held it out to Mr. +Benson. + +"Read it!" said he. He spoke not another word until time had +been allowed for its perusal. Then he added-- + +"That is your signature?" The words were an assertion, but the +tone was that of question. + +"No, it is not," said Mr. Benson decidedly. "It is very like my +writing. I could almost say it was mine, but I know it is not." + +"Recollect yourself a little. The date is August the third of +last year, fourteen months ago. You may have forgotten it." The +tone of the voice had a kind of eager entreaty in it, which Mr. +Benson did not notice--he was so startled at the fetch of his own +writing. + +"It is most singularly like mine; but I could not have signed +away these shares--all the property I have--without the slightest +remembrance of it." + +"Stranger things have happened. For the love of Heaven, think if +you did not sign it. It's a deed to transfer for those Insurance +shares, you see. You don't remember it? You did not write this +name--these words?" He looked at Mr. Benson with craving +wistfulness for one particular answer. Mr. Benson was struck at +last by the whole proceeding, and glanced anxiously at Mr. +Bradshaw, whose manner, gait, and voice, were so different from +usual that he might well excite attention. But as soon as the +latter was aware of this momentary inspection, he changed his +tone all at once. + +"Don't imagine, sir, I wish to force any invention upon you as a +remembrance. If you did not write this name, I know who did. Once +more I ask you--does no glimmering recollection of--having needed +money, we'll say--I never wanted you to refuse my subscription to +the chapel, God knows!--of having sold these accursed +shares?--Oh! I see by your face you did not write it; you need +not to speak to me--I know." + +He sank down into a chair near him. His whole figure drooped. In +a moment he was up, and standing straight as an arrow, +confronting Mr. Benson, who could find n6 clue to this stern +man's agitation. + +"You say you did not write these words?" pointing to the +signature, with an untrembling finger. "I believe you; Richard +Bradshaw did write them." + +"My dear sir--my dear old friend!" exclaimed Mr. Benson, "you are +rushing to a conclusion for which, I am convinced, there is no +foundation; there is no reason to suppose that because----" + +"There is reason, sir. Do not distress yourself--I am perfectly +calm." His stony eyes and immovable face did indeed look rigid. +"What we have now to do is to punish the offence. I have not one +standard for myself and those I love--(and, Mr. Benson, I did +love him)--and another for the rest of the world. If a stranger +had forged my name, I should have known it was my duty to +prosecute him. You must prosecute Richard." + +"I will not," said Mr. Benson. + +"You think, perhaps, that I shall feel it acutely. You are +mistaken. He is no longer as my son to me. I have always resolved +to disown any child of mine who was guilty of sin. I disown +Richard. He is as a stranger to me. I shall feel no more at his +exposure--his punishment----" He could not go on for his voice +was choking. "Of course, you understand that I must feel shame at +our connection; it is that that is troubling me; that is but +consistent with a man who has always prided himself on the +integrity of his name; but as for that boy, who has been brought +up all his life as I have brought up my children, it must be some +innate wickedness! Sir, I can cut him off, though he has been as +my right hand--beloved. Let me be no hindrance to the course of +justice, I beg. He has forged your name--he has defrauded you of +money--of your all, I think you said." + +"Some one has forged my name. I am not convinced that it was your +son. Until I know all the circumstances, I decline to prosecute." + +"What circumstances?" asked Mr. Bradshaw, in an authoritative +manner, which would have shown irritation but for his +self-command. + +"The force of the temptation--the previous habits of the +person----" + +"Of Richard. He is the person," Mr. Bradshaw put in. + +Mr. Benson went on, without taking any notice. "I should think it +right to prosecute, if I found out that this offence against me +was only one of a series committed, with premeditation, against +society. I should then feel, as a protector of others more +helpless than myself----" + +"It was your all," said Mr. Bradshaw. + +"It was all my money; it was not my all," replied Mr. Benson; and +then he went on as if the interruption had never been--"Against +an habitual offender. I shall not prosecute Richard. Not because +he is your son--do not imagine that! I should decline taking such +a step against any young man without first ascertaining the +particulars about him, which I know already about Richard, and +which determine me against doing what would blast his character +for life--would destroy every good quality he has." + +"What good quality remains to him?" asked Mr. Bradshaw. "He has +deceived me--he has offended God." + +"Have we not all offended Him?" Mr. Benson said in a low tone. + +"Not consciously. I never do wrong consciously. But +Richard--Richard." The remembrance of the undeceiving letters--the +forgery--filled up his heart so completely that he could not speak +for a minute or two. Yet when he saw Mr. Benson on the point of +saying something, he broke in-- + +"It is no use talking, sir. You and I cannot agree on these +subjects. Once more, I desire you to prosecute that boy, who is +no longer a child of mine." + +"Mr. Bradshaw, I shall not prosecute him. I have said it once for +all. To-morrow you will be glad that I do not listen to you. I +should only do harm by saying more at present." + +There is always something aggravating in being told, that the +mood in which we are now viewing things strongly will not be our +mood at some other time. It implies that our present feelings are +blinding us, and that some more clear-sighted spectator is able +to distinguish our future better than we do ourselves. The most +shallow person dislikes to be told that any one can gauge his +depth. Mr. Bradshaw was not soothed by this last remark of Mr. +Benson's. He stooped down to take up his hat and be gone. Mr. +Benson saw his dizzy way of groping, and gave him what he sought +for; but he received no word of thanks. Mr. Bradshaw went +silently towards the door, but, just as he got there, he turned +round, and said-- + +"If there were more people like me, and fewer like you, there +would be less evil in the world, sir. It's your sentimentalists +that nurse up sin." Although Mr. Benson had been very calm during +this interview, he had been much shocked by what had been let out +respecting Richard's forgery; not by the fact itself so much as +by what it was a sign of. Still, he had known the young man from +childhood, and had seen, and often regretted, that his want of +moral courage had rendered him peculiarly liable to all the bad +effects arising from his father's severe and arbitrary mode of +treatment. Dick would never have had "pluck" enough to be a +hardened villain, under any circumstances: but, unless some good +influence some strength, was brought to bear upon him, he might +easily sink into the sneaking scoundrel. Mr. Benson determined to +go to Mr. Farquhar's the first thing in the morning, and consult +him as a calm, clear-headed family friend--partner in the +business, as well as son- and brother-in-law to the people +concerned. + + +CHAPTER XXXI + + +AN ACCIDENT TO THE DOVER COACH + +While Mr. Benson lay awake for fear of oversleeping himself, and +so being late at Mr. Farquhar's (it was somewhere about six +o'clock--dark as an October morning is at that time), Sally came +to his door and knocked. She was always an early riser; and if +she had not been gone to bed long before Mr. Bradshaw's visit +last night, Mr. Benson might safely have trusted to her calling +him. + +"Here's a woman down below as must see you directly. She'll be +upstairs after me if you're not down quick." + +"Is it any one from Clarke's?" + +"No, no! not it, master," said she through the keyhole; "I reckon +it's Mrs. Bradshaw, for all she's muffled up." + +He needed no other word. When he went down, Mrs. Bradshaw sat in +his easy-chair, swaying her body to and fro, and crying without +restraint. Mr. Benson came up to her, before she was aware that +he was there. + +"Oh! sir," said she, getting up and taking hold of both his +hands, "you won't be so cruel, will you? I have got some money +somewhere--some money my father settled on me, sir; I don't know +how much, but I think it's more than two thousand pounds, and you +shall have it all. If I can't give it you now, I'll make a will, +sir. Only be merciful to poor Dick--don't go and prosecute him, +sir." + +"My dear Mrs. Bradshaw, don't you agitate yourself in this way. I +never meant to prosecute him." + +"But Mr. Bradshaw says that you must." + +"I shall not, indeed. I have told Mr. Bradshaw so." + +"Has he been here? Oh! is not he cruel? I don't care. I have been +a good wife till now. I know I have. I have done all he bid me, +ever since we were married. But now I will speak my mind, and say +to everybody how cruel he is--how hard to his own flesh and +blood! If he puts poor Dick in prison, I will go too. If I'm to +choose between my husband and my son, I choose my son; for he +will have no friends, unless I am with him." + +"Mr. Bradshaw will think better of it. You will see that, when +his first anger and disappointment are over, he will not be hard +or cruel." + +"You don't know Mr. Bradshaw," said she mournfully, "if you think +he'll change. I might beg and beg--I have done many a time, when +we had little children, and I wanted to save them a whipping--but +no begging ever did any good. At last I left it off. He'll not +change." + +"Perhaps not for human entreaty. Mrs. Bradshaw, is there nothing +more powerful?" + +The tone of his voice suggested what he did not say. + +"If you mean that God may soften his heart," replied she humbly, +"I'm not going to deny God's power--I have need to think of Him," +she continued, bursting into fresh tears, "for I am a very +miserable woman. Only think! he cast it up against me last night, +and said, if I had not spoilt Dick this never would have +happened." + +"He hardly knew what he was saying last night. I will go to Mr. +Farquhar's directly, and see him; and you had better go home, my +dear Mrs. Bradshaw; you may rely upon our doing all that we can." + +With some difficulty he persuaded her not to accompany him to Mr. +Farquhar's; but he had, indeed, to take her to her own door, +before he could convince her that, at present, she could do +nothing but wait the result of the consultations of others. + +It was before breakfast, and Mr. Farquhar was alone; so Mr. +Benson had a quiet opportunity of telling the whole story to the +husband before the wife came down. Mr. Farquhar was not much +surprised, though greatly distressed. The general opinion he had +always entertained of Richard's character had predisposed him to +fear, even before the inquiry respecting the Insurance shares. +But it was still a shock when it came, however much it might have +been anticipated. + +"What can we do?" said Mr. Benson, as Mr. Farquhar sat gloomily +silent. + +"That is just what I was asking myself. I think I must see Mr. +Bradshaw, and try and bring him a little out of this unmerciful +frame of mind. That must be the first thing. Will you object to +accompany me at once? It seems of particular consequence that we +should subdue its obduracy before the affair gets wind." + +"I will go with you willingly. But I believe I rather serve to +irritate Mr. Bradshaw; he is reminded of things he has said to me +formerly, and which he thinks he is bound to act up to. However, +I can walk with you to the door, and wait for you (if you'll +allow me) in the street. I want to know how he is to-day, both +bodily and mentally; for indeed, Mr. Farquhar, I should not have +been surprised last night if he had dropped down dead, so +terrible was his strain upon himself." + +Mr. Benson was left at the door as he had desired, while Mr. +Farquhar went in. + +"Oh, Mr. Farquhar, what is the matter?" exclaimed the girls, +running to him. + +"Mamma sits crying in the old nursery. We believe she has been +there all night. She will not tell us what it is, nor let us be +with her; and papa is locked up in his room, and won't even +answer us when we speak, though we know he is up and awake, for +we heard him tramping about all night." + +"Let me go up to him," said Mr. Farquhar. + +"He won't let you in. It will be of no use." But in spite of what +they said, he went up; and to their surprise, after hearing who +it was, their father opened the door, and admitted their +brother-in-law. He remained with Mr. Bradshaw about hall-an-hour, +and then came into the dining-room, where the two girls stood +huddled over the fire, regardless of the untasted breakfast +behind them; and, writing a few lines, he desired them to take +his note up to their mother, saying that it would comfort her a +little, and that he should send Jemima, in two or three hours, +with the baby--perhaps to remain some days with him. He had no +time to tell them more; Jemima would. + +He left them, and rejoined Mr. Benson. "Come home and breakfast +with me. I am off to London in an hour or two, and must speak +with you first." + +On reaching his house, he ran upstairs to ask Jemima to breakfast +alone in her dressing-room, and returned in five minutes or less. + +"Now I can tell you about it," said he. "I see my way clearly to +a certain point. We must prevent Dick and his father meeting just +now, or all hope of Dick's reformation is gone for ever. His +father is as hard as the nether millstone. He has forbidden me +his house." + +"Forbidden you!" + +"Yes; because I would not give up Dick as utterly lost and bad; +and because I said I should return to London with the clerk, and +fairly tell Dennison (he's a Scotchman, and a man of sense and +feeling) the real state of the case. By the way, we must not say +a word to the clerk; otherwise he will expect an answer, and make +out all sorts of inferences for himself, from the unsatisfactory +reply he must have. Dennison will be upon honour--will see every +side of the case--will know you refuse to prosecute; the Company +of which he is manager are no losers. Well! when I said what I +thought wise, of all this--when I spoke as if my course were a +settled and decided thing, the grim old man asked me if he was to +be an automaton in his own house. He assured me he had no feeling +for Dick--all the time he was shaking like an aspen; in short, +repeating much the same things he must have said to you last +night. However, I defied him, and the consequence is, I'm +forbidden the house, and, what is more, he says he will not come +to the office while I remain a partner." + +"What shall you do?" + +"Send Jemima and the baby. There's nothing like a young child for +bringing people round to a healthy state of feeling; and you +don't know what Jemima is, Mr. Benson! No! though you've known +her from her birth. If she can't comfort her mother, and if the +baby can't steal into her grandfather's heart, why--I don't know +what you may do to me. I shall tell Jemima all, and trust to her +wit and wisdom to work at this end, while I do my best at the +other." + +"Richard is abroad, is not he?" + +"He will be in England to-morrow. I must catch him somewhere; but +that I can easily do. The difficult point will be, what to do +with him--what to say to him, when I find him. He must give up +his partnership, that's clear. I did not tell his father so, but +I am resolved upon it. There shall be no tampering with the +honour of the firm to which I belong." + +"But what will become of him?" asked Mr. Benson anxiously. + +"I do not yet know. But, for Jemima's sake--for his dour old +father's sake--I will not leave him adrift. I will find him some +occupation as clear from temptation as I can. I will do all in my +power. And he will do much better, if he has any good in him, as +a freer agent, not cowed by his father into a want of +individuality and self-respect. I believe I must dismiss you, Mr. +Benson," said he, looking at his watch; "I have to explain all to +my wife, and to go to that clerk. You shall hear from me in a day +or two." + +Mr. Benson half envied the younger man's elasticity of mind, and +power of acting promptly. He himself felt as if he wanted to sit +down in his quiet study, and think over the revelations and +events of the last twenty-four hours. It made him dizzy even to +follow Mr. Farquhar's plans, as he had briefly detailed them; and +some solitude and consideration would be required before Mr. +Benson could decide upon their justice and wisdom. He had been +much shocked by the discovery of the overt act of guilt which +Richard had perpetrated, low as his opinion of that young man had +been for some time; and the consequence was, that he felt +depressed, and unable to rally for the next few days. He had not +even the comfort of his sister's sympathy, as he felt bound in +honour not to tell her anything; and she was luckily so much +absorbed in some household contest with Sally that she did not +notice her brother's quiet languor. + +Mr. Benson felt that he had no right at this time to intrude into +the house which he had been once tacitly forbidden. If he went +now to Mr. Bradshaw's without being asked, or sent for, he +thought it would seem like presuming on his knowledge of the +hidden disgrace of one of the family. Yet he longed to go: he +knew that Mr. Farquhar must be writing almost daily to Jemima, +and he wanted to hear what he was doing. The fourth day after her +husband's departure she came, within half-an-hour after the post +delivery, and asked to speak to Mr. Benson alone. + +She was in a state of great agitation, and had evidently been +crying very much. + +"Oh, Mr. Benson!" said she, "will you come with me, and tell papa +this sad news about Dick? Walter has written me a letter at last, +to say he has found him--he could not at first; but now it seems +that, the day before yesterday, he heard of an accident which had +happened to the Dover coach; it was overturned--two passengers +killed, and several badly hurt. Walter says we ought to be +thankful, as he is, that Dick was not killed. He says it was such +a relief to him on going to the place--the little inn nearest to +where the coach was overturned--to find that Dick was only +severely injured; not one of those who was killed. But it is a +terrible shock to us all. We had had no more dreadful fear to +lessen the shock; mamma is quite unfit for anything, and we none +of us dare to tell papa." Jemima had hard work to keep down her +sobs thus far, and now they overmastered her. + +"How is your father? I have wanted to hear every day," asked Mr. +Benson tenderly. + +"It was careless of me not to come and tell you; but, indeed, I +have had so much to do. Mamma would not go near him. He has said +something which she seems as if she could not forgive. Because he +came to meals, she would not. She has almost lived in the +nursery; taking out all Dick's old playthings, and what clothes +of his were left, and turning them over, and crying over them." + +"Then Mr. Bradshaw has joined you again; I was afraid, from what +Mr. Farquhar said, he was going to isolate himself from you all?" + +"I wish he had," said Jemima, crying afresh. "It would have been +more natural than the way he has gone on; the only difference +from his usual habit is, that he has never gone near the office, +or else he has come to meals just as usual, and talked just as +usual; and even done what I never knew him do before, tried to +make jokes--all in order to show us how little he cares." + +"Does he not go out at all?" + +"Only in the garden. I am sure he does care after all; he must +care; he cannot shake off a child in this way, though he thinks +he can; and that makes me so afraid of telling him of this +accident. Will you come, Mr. Benson?" + +He needed no other word. He went with her, as she rapidly +threaded her way through the by-streets. When they reached the +house, she went in without knocking, and, putting her husband's +letter into Mr. Benson's hand, she opened the door of her +father's room, and saying--"Papa, here is Mr. Benson," left them +alone. + +Mr. Benson felt nervously incapable of knowing what to do, or to +say. He had surprised Mr. Bradshaw sitting idly over the +fire--gazing dreamily into the embers. But he had started up, and +drawn his chair to the table, on seeing his visitor; and, after +the first necessary words of politeness were over, ho seemed to +expect him to open the conversation. + +"Mrs. Farquhar has asked me," said Mr. Benson, plunging into the +subject with a trembling heart, "to tell you about a letter she +has received from her husband;" he stopped for an instant, for he +felt that he did not get nearer the real difficulty, and yet +could not tell the best way of approaching it. + +"She need not have given you that trouble. I am aware of the +reason of Mr. Farquhar's absence. I entirely disapprove of his +conduct. He is regardless of my wishes; and disobedient to the +commands which, as my son-in-law, I thought he would have felt +bound to respect. If there is any more agreeable subject that you +can introduce, I shall be glad to hear you, sir." + +"Neither you, nor I, must think of what we like to hear or to +say. You must hear what concerns your son." + +"I have disowned the young man who was my son," replied he +coldly. + +"The Dover coach has been overturned," said Mr. Benson, +stimulated into abruptness by the icy sternness of the father. +But, in a flash, he saw what lay below that terrible assumption +of indifference. Mr. Bradshaw glanced up in his face one look of +agony--and then went grey-pale; so livid that Mr. Benson got up +to ring the bell in affright, but Mr. Bradshaw motioned to him to +sit still. + +"Oh! I have been too sudden, sir--he is alive, he is alive!" he +exclaimed, as he saw the ashy face working in a vain attempt to +speak; but the poor lips (so wooden, not a minute ago) went +working on and on, as if Mr. Benson's words did not sink down +into the mind, or reach the understanding. Mr. Benson went +hastily for Mrs. Farquhar. + +"Oh, Jemima!" said he, "I have done it so badly--I have been so +cruel--he is very ill, I fear--bring water, brandy----" and he +returned with all speed into the room. Mr. Bradshaw--the great, +strong, iron man--lay back in his chair in a swoon, a fit. + +"Fetch my mother, Mary. Send for the doctor, Elizabeth," said +Jemima, rushing to her father. She and Mr. Benson did. all in +their power to restore him. Mrs. Bradshaw forgot all her vows of +estrangement from the dead-like husband, who might never speak to +her, or hear her again, and bitterly accused herself for every +angry word she had spoken against him during these last few +miserable days. + +Before the doctor came, Mr. Bradshaw had opened his eyes and +partially rallied, although he either did not, or could not +speak. He looked struck down into old age. His eyes were +senseless in their expression, but had the dim glaze of many +years of life upon them. His lower jaw fell from his upper one, +giving a look of melancholy depression to the face, although the +lips hid the unclosed teeth. But he answered correctly (in +monosyllables, it is true) all the questions which the doctor +chose to ask. And the medical man was not so much impressed with +the serious character of the seizure as the family, who knew all +the hidden mystery behind, and had seen their father lie for the +first time with the precursor aspect of death upon his face. +Rest, watching, and a little medicine, were what the doctor +prescribed it was so slight a prescription, for what had appeared +to Mr. Benson so serious an attack, that he wished to follow the +medical man out of the room to make further inquiries, and learn +the real opinion which he thought must lurk behind. But, as he +was following the doctor, he--they all--were aware of the effort +Mr. Bradshaw was making to rise, in order to arrest Mr. Benson's +departure. He did stand up, supporting himself with one hand on +the table, for his legs shook under him. Mr. Benson came back +instantly to the spot where he was. For a moment it seemed as if +he had not the right command of his voice: but at last he said, +with a tone of humble, wistful entreaty, which was very +touching-- + +"He is alive, sir; is he not?" + +"Yes, sir--indeed he is; he is only hurt. He is sure to do well. +Mr. Farquhar is with him," said Mr. Benson, almost unable to +speak for tears. + +Mr. Bradshaw did not remove his eyes from Mr. Benson's face for +more than a minute after his question had been answered. He +seemed as though he would read his very soul, and there see if he +spoke the truth. Satisfied at last, he sank slowly into his +chair; and they were silent for a little space, waiting to +perceive if he would wish for any further information just then. +At length he put his hands slowly together in the clasped +attitude of prayer, and said--"Thank God!" + + +CHAPTER XXXII + + +THE BRADSHAW PEW AGAIN OCCUPIED + +If Jemima allowed herself now and then to imagine that one good +would result from the discovery of Richard's delinquency, in the +return of her father and Mr. Benson to something of their old +understanding and their old intercourse--if this hope fluttered +through her mind, it was doomed to disappointment. Mr. Benson +would have been most happy to go, if Mr. Bradshaw had sent for +him he was on the watch for what might be even the shadow of such +an invitation--but none came. Mr. Bradshaw, on his part, would +have been thoroughly glad if the wilful seclusion of his present +life could have been broken by the occasional visits of the old +friend whom he had once forbidden the house; but, this +prohibition having passed his lips, he stubbornly refused to do +anything which might be construed into unsaying it. Jemima was +for some time in despair of his ever returning to the office, or +resuming his old habits of business. He had evidently threatened +as much to her husband. All that Jemima could do was to turn a +deaf ear to every allusion to this menace, which he threw out +from time to time, evidently with a view to see if it had struck +deep enough into her husband's mind for him to have repeated it +to his wife. If Mr. Farquhar had named it--if it was known only +to two or three to have been, but for one half-hour even, his +resolution--Mr. Bradshaw could have adhered to it, without any +other reason than the maintenance of what he called consistency, +but which was in fact doggedness. Jemima was often thankful that +her mother was absent, and gone to nurse her son. If she had been +at home, she would have entreated and implored her husband to +fall back into his usual habits, and would have shown such a +dread of his being as good as his word, that he would have been +compelled to adhere to it by the very consequence affixed to it. +Mr. Farquhar had hard work, as it was, in passing rapidly enough +between the two places--attending to his business at Eccleston; +and deciding, comforting, and earnestly talking, in Richard's +sick-room. During an absence of his, it was necessary to apply to +one of the partners on some matter of importance; and +accordingly, to Jemima's secret joy, Mr. Watson came up and asked +if her father was well enough to see him on business? Jemima +carried in this inquiry literally; and the hesitating answer +which her father gave was in the affirmative. It was not long +before she saw him leave the house, accompanied by the faithful +old clerk; and when he met her at dinner he made no allusion to +his morning visitor, or to his subsequent going out. But from +that time forwards he went regularly to the office. He received +all the information about Dick's accident, and his progress +towards recovery, in perfect silence, and in as indifferent a +manner as he could assume; but yet he lingered about the family +sitting-room every morning until the post had come in which +brought all letters from the south. + +When Mr. Farquhar at last returned to bring the news of Dick's +perfect convalescence, he resolved to tell Mr. Bradshaw all that +he had done and arranged for his son's future career; but, as Mr. +Farquhar told Mr. Benson afterwards, he could not really say if +Mr. Bradshaw had attended to one word that he said. + +"Rely upon it," said Mr. Benson, "he has not only attended to it, +but treasured up every expression you have used." + +"Well, I tried to get some opinion, or sign of emotion, out of +him. I had not much hope of the latter, I must own; but I thought +he would have said whether I had done wisely or not in procuring +that Glasgow situation for Dick--that he would, perhaps, have +been indignant at my ousting him from the partnership so entirely +on my own responsibility." + +"How did Richard take it?" + +"Oh, nothing could exceed his penitence. If one had never heard +of the proverb, 'When the devil was sick, the devil a monk would +be,' I should have had greater faith in him; or if he had had +more strength of character to begin with, or more reality and +less outward appearance of good principle instilled into him. +However, this Glasgow situation is the very thing; clear, defined +duties, no great trust reposed in him, a kind and watchful head, +and introductions to a better class of associates than I fancy he +has ever been thrown amongst before. For, you know, Mr. Bradshaw +dreaded all intimacies for his son, and wanted him to eschew all +society beyond his own family--would never allow him to ask a +friend home. Really, when I think of the unnatural life Mr. +Bradshaw expected him to lead, I get into charity with him, and +have hopes. By the way, have you ever succeeded in persuading his +mother to send Leonard to school? He may run the same risk from +isolation as Dick: not be able to choose his companions wisely +when he grows up, but be too much overcome by the excitement of +society to be very discreet as to who are his associates. Have +you spoken to her about my plan?" + +"Yes! but to no purpose. I cannot say that she would even admit +an argument on the subject. She seemed to have an invincible +repugnance to the idea of exposing him to the remarks of other +boys on his peculiar position." + +"They need never know of it. Besides, sooner or later, he must +step out of his narrow circle, and encounter remark and scorn." + +"True," said Mr. Benson mournfully. "And you may depend upon it, +if it really is the best for Leonard, she will come round to it +by-and-by. It is almost extraordinary to see the way in which her +earnest and most unselfish devotion to this boy's real welfare +leads her to right and wise conclusions." + +"I wish I could tame her so as to let me meet her as a friend. +Since the baby was born, she comes to see Jemima. My wife tells +me, that she sits and holds it soft in her arms, and talks to it +as if her whole soul went out to the little infant. But if she +hears a strange footstep on the stair, what Jemima calls the +'wild-animal look' comes back into her eyes, and she steals away +like some frightened creature. With all that she has done to +redeem her character, she should not be so timid of observation. + +"You may well say 'with all that she has done!' We of her own +household hear little or nothing of what she does. If she wants +help, she simply tells us how and why; but if not--perhaps +because it is some relief to her to forget for a time the scenes +of suffering in which she has been acting the part of comforter, +and perhaps because there always was a shy, sweet reticence about +her--we never should know what she is and what she does, except +from the poor people themselves, who would bless her in words if +the very thought of her did not choke them with tears. Yet, I do +assure you, she passes out of all this gloom, and makes sunlight +in our house. We are never so cheerful as when she is at home. +She always had the art of diffusing peace, but now it is positive +cheerfulness. And about Leonard; I doubt if the wisest and most +thoughtful schoolmaster could teach half as much directly, as his +mother does unconsciously and indirectly every hour that he is +with her. Her noble, humble, pious endurance of the consequences +of what was wrong in her early life seems expressly fitted to act +upon him, whose position is (unjustly, for he has done no harm) +so similar to hers." + +"Well! I suppose we must leave it alone for the present. You will +think me a hard practical man when I own to you, that all I +expect from Leonard's remaining a home-bird is that, with such a +mother, it will do him no harm. At any rate, remember my offer is +the same for a year--two years hence, as now. What does she look +forward to making him into, finally?" + +"I don't know. The wonder comes into my mind sometimes; but never +into hers, I think. It is part of her character--part perhaps of +that which made her what she was--that she never looks forward, +and seldom back. The present is enough for her." + +And so the conversation ended. When Mr. Benson repeated the +substance of it to his sister, she mused awhile, breaking out +into an occasional whistle (although she had cured herself of +this habit in a great measure), and at last she said-- + +"Now, do you know, I never liked poor Dick; and yet I'm angry +with Mr. Farquhar for getting him out of the partnership in such +a summary way. I can't get over it, even though he has offered to +send Leonard to school. And here he's reigning lord-paramount at +the office! As if you, Thurstan, weren't as well able to teach +him as any schoolmaster in England! But I should not mind that +affront, if I were not sorry to think of Dick (though I never +could abide him) labouring away in Glasgow for a petty salary of +nobody knows how little, while Mr. Farquhar is taking halves, +instead of thirds, of the profits here!" + +But her brother could not tell her--and even Jemima did not know +till long afterwards--that the portion of income which would have +been Dick's as a junior partner, if he had remained in the +business, was carefully laid aside for him by Mr. Farquhar; to be +delivered up, with all its accumulative interest, when the +prodigal should have proved his penitence by his conduct. + +When Ruth had no call upon her time, it was indeed a holiday at +Chapel-house. She threw off as much as she could of the care and +sadness in which she had been sharing; and returned fresh and +helpful, ready to go about in her soft, quiet way, and fill up +every measure of service, and heap it with the fragrance of her +own sweet nature. The delicate mending, that the elder women +could no longer see to do, was put by for Ruth's swift and nimble +fingers. The occasional copying, or patient writing to dictation, +that gave rest to Mr. Benson's weary spine, was done by her with +sunny alacrity. But, most of all, Leonard's heart rejoiced when +his mother came home. Then came the quiet confidences, the tender +exchange of love, the happy walks from which he returned stronger +and stronger--going from strength to strength as his mother led +the way. It was well, as they saw now, that the great shock of +the disclosure had taken place when it did. She, for her part, +wondered at her own cowardliness in having even striven to keep +back the truth from her child--the truth that was so certain to +be made clear, sooner or later, and which it was only owing to +God's mercy that she was alive to encounter with him, and, by so +encountering, shield and give him good courage. Moreover, in her +secret heart, she was thankful that all occurred while he was yet +too young to have much curiosity as to his father. If an +unsatisfied feeling of this kind occasionally stole into his +mind, at any rate she never heard any expression of it; for the +past was a sealed book between them. And so, in the bright +strength of good endeavour, the days went on, and grew again to +months and years. Perhaps one little circumstance which occurred +during this time had scarcely external importance enough to be +called an event; but in Mr. Benson's mind it took rank as such. +One day, about a year after Richard Bradshaw had ceased to be a +partner in his father's house, Mr. Benson encountered Mr. +Farquhar in the street, and heard from him of the creditable and +respectable manner in which Richard was conducting himself in +Glasgow, where Mr. Farquhar had lately been on business. + +"I am determined to tell his father of this," said he; "I think +his family are far too obedient to his tacit prohibition of all +mention of Richard's name." + +"Tacit prohibition?" inquired Mr. Benson. + +"Oh! I dare say I use the words in a wrong sense for the +correctness of a scholar; but what I mean is, that he made a +point of immediately leaving the room if Richard's name was +mentioned; and did it in so marked a manner, that by degrees they +understood that it was their father's desire that he should never +be alluded to; which was all very well as long as there was +nothing pleasant to be said about him; but to-night I am going +there, and shall take good care he does not escape me before I +have told him all I have heard and observed about Richard. He +will never be a hero of virtue, for his education has drained him +of all moral courage; but with care, and the absence of all +strong temptation for a time, he will do very well; nothing to +gratify paternal pride, but certainly nothing to be ashamed of." + +It was on the Sunday after this that the little circumstance to +which I have alluded took place. + +During the afternoon service, Mr. Benson became aware that the +large Bradshaw pew was no longer unoccupied. In a dark corner Mr. +Bradshaw's white head was to be seen, bowed down low in prayer. +When last he had worshipped there, the hair on that head was +iron-grey, and even in prayer he had stood erect, with an air of +conscious righteousness sufficient for all his wants, and even +some to spare with which to judge others. Now, that white and +hoary head was never uplifted; part of his unobtrusiveness might, +it is true, be attributed to the uncomfortable feeling which was +sure to attend any open withdrawal of the declaration he had once +made, never to enter the chapel in which Mr. Benson was minister +again; and as such a feeling was natural to all men, and +especially to such a one as Mr. Bradshaw, Mr. Benson +instinctively respected it, and passed out of the chapel with his +household, without ever directing his regards to the obscure +place where Mr. Bradshaw still remained immovable. + +From this day Mr. Benson felt sure that the old friendly feeling +existed once more between them, although some time might elapse +before any circumstance gave the signal for a renewal of their +intercourse. + + +CHAPTER XXXIII + + +A MOTHER TO BE PROUD OF + +Old people tell of certain years when typhus fever swept over the +country like a pestilence; years that bring back the remembrance +of deep sorrow--refusing to be comforted--to many a household; +and which those whose beloved passed through the fiery time +unscathed, shrink from recalling for great and tremulous was the +anxiety--miserable the constant watching for evil symptoms; and +beyond the threshold of home a dense cloud of depression hung +over society at large. It seemed as if the alarm was +proportionate to the previous light-heartedness of fancied +security--and indeed it was so; for, since the days of King +Belshazzar, the solemn decrees of Doom have ever seemed most +terrible when they awe into silence the merry revellers of life. +So it was this year to which I come in the progress of my story. + +The summer had been unusually gorgeous. Some had complained of +the steaming heat, but others had pointed to the lush vegetation, +which was profuse and luxuriant. The early autumn was wet and +cold, but people did not regard it, n contemplation of some proud +rejoicing of the nation, which filled every newspaper and gave +food to every tongue. In Eccleston these rejoicings were greater +than in most places; for, by the national triumph of arms, it was +supposed that a new market for the staple manufacture of the +place would be opened; and so the trade, which had for a year or +two been languishing, would now revive with redoubled vigour. +Besides these legitimate causes of good spirits, there was the +rank excitement of a coming election, in consequence of Mr. Donne +having accepted a Government office, procured for him by one of +his influential relations. This time, the Cranworths roused +themselves from their magnificent torpor of security in good +season, and were going through a series of pompous and ponderous +hospitalities, in order to bring back the Eccleston voters to +their allegiance. + +While the town was full of these subjects by turns--now thinking +and speaking of the great revival of trade--now of the chances of +the election, as yet some weeks distant--now of the balls at +Cranworth Court, in which Mr. Cranworth had danced with all the +belles of the shopocracy of Eccleston--there came creeping, +creeping, in hidden, slimy courses, the terrible fever--that +fever which is never utterly banished from the sad haunts of vice +and misery, but lives in such darkness, like a wild beast in the +recesses of his den. It had begun in the low Irish +lodging-houses; but there it was so common it excited little +attention. The poor creatures died almost without the attendance +of the unwarned medical men, who received their first notice of +the spreading plague from the Roman Catholic priests. + +Before the medical men of Eccleston had had time to meet together +and consult, and compare the knowledge of the fever which they +had severally gained, it had, like the blaze of a fire which had +long smouldered, burst forth in many places at once--not merely +among the loose-living and vicious, but among the decently +poor--nay, even among the well-to-do and respectable. And, to add +to the horror, like all similar pestilences, its course was most +rapid at first, and was fatal in the great majority of +cases--hopeless from the beginning. There was a cry, and then a +deep silence, and then rose the long wail of the survivors. + +A portion of the Infirmary of the town was added to that already +set apart for a fever-ward; the smitten were carried thither at +once, whenever it was possible, in order to prevent the spread of +infection; and on that lazar-house was concentrated all the +medical skill and force of the place. + +But when one of the physicians had died, in consequence of his +attendance--when the customary staff of matrons and nurses had +been swept off in two days--and the nurses belonging to the +Infirmary had shrunk from being drafted into the pestilential +fever-ward--when high wages had failed to tempt any to what, in +their panic, they considered as certain death--when the doctors +stood aghast at the swift mortality among the untended sufferers, +who were dependent only on the care of the most ignorant +hirelings, too brutal to recognize the solemnity of Death (all +this had happened within a week from the first acknowledgment of +the presence of the plague)--Ruth came one day, with a quieter +step than usual, into Mr. Benson's study, and told him she wanted +to speak to him for a few minutes. + +"To be sure, my dear! Sit down:" said he; for she was standing +and leaning her head against the chimney-piece, idly gazing into +the fire. She went on standing there, as if she had not heard his +words; and it was a few moments before she began to speak. Then +she said-- + +"I want to tell you, that I have been this morning and offered +myself as matron to the fever-ward while it is so full. They have +accepted me; and I am going this evening." + +"Oh, Ruth! I feared this; I saw your look this morning as we +spoke of this terrible illness." + +"Why do you say 'fear', Mr. Benson? You yourself have been with +John Harrison, and old Betty, and many others, I dare say, of +whom we have not heard." + +"But this is so different! in such poisoned air! among such +malignant cases! Have you thought and weighed it enough, Ruth?" + +She was quite still for a moment, but her eyes grew full of +tears. At last she said, very softly, with a kind of still +solemnity-- + +"Yes! I have thought, and I have weighed. But through the very +midst of all my fears and thoughts I have felt that I must go." + +The remembrance of Leonard was present in both their minds; but +for a few moments longer they neither of them spoke. Then Ruth +said-- + +"I believe I have no fear. That is a great preservative, they +say. At any rate, if I have a little natural shrinking, it is +quite gone when I remember that I am in God's hands! Oh, Mr. +Benson," continued she, breaking out into the irrepressible +tears--"Leonard, Leonard!" + +And now it was his turn to speak out the brave words of faith. + +"Poor, poor mother!" said he. "But be of good heart. He, too, is +in God's hands. Think what a flash of time only will separate you +from him, if you should die in this work!" + +"But he--but he--it will belong to him, Mr. Benson! He will be +alone!" + +"No, Ruth, he will not. God and all good men will watch over him. +But if you cannot still this agony of fear as to what will become +of him, you ought not to go. Such tremulous passion will +predispose you to take the fever." + +"I will not be afraid," she replied, lifting up her face, over +which a bright light shone, as of God's radiance. "I am not +afraid for myself. I will not be so for my darling." + +After a little pause, they began to arrange the manner of her +going, and to speak about the length of time that she might be +absent on her temporary duties. In talking of her return, they +assumed it to be certain, although the exact time when was to +them unknown, and would be dependent entirely on the duration of +the fever; but not the less, in their secret hearts, did they +feel where alone the issue lay. Ruth was to communicate with +Leonard and Miss Faith through Mr. Benson alone, who insisted on +his determination to go every evening to the hospital to learn +the proceedings of the day, and the state of Ruth's health. + +"It is not alone on your account, my dear! There may be many sick +people of whom, if I can give no other comfort, I can take +intelligence to their friends." + +All was settled with grave composure; yet still Ruth lingered, as +if nerving herself up for some effort. At length she said, with a +faint smile upon her pale face-- + +"I believe I am a great coward. I stand here talking because I +dread to tell Leonard." + +"You must not think of it," exclaimed he. "Leave it to me. It is +sure to unnerve you." + +"I must think of it. I shall have self-control enough in a minute +to do it calmly--to speak hopefully. For only think," continued +she, smiling through the tears that would gather in her eyes, +"what a comfort the remembrance of the last few words may be to +the poor fellow, if----" The words were choked, but she smiled +bravely on. "No!" said she, "that must be done; but perhaps you +will spare me one thing--will you tell Aunt Faith? I suppose I am +very weak, but, knowing that I must go, and not knowing what may +be the end, I feel as if I could not bear to resist her +entreaties just at last. Will you tell her, sir, while I go to +Leonard?" + +Silently he consented, and the two rose up and came forth, calm +and serene. And calmly and gently did Ruth tell her boy of her +purpose; not daring even to use any unaccustomed tenderness of +voice or gesture, lest, by so doing, she should alarm him +unnecessarily as to the result. She spoke hopefully, and bade him +be of good courage; and he caught her bravery, though his, poor +boy I had root rather in his ignorance of the actual imminent +danger than in her deep faith. When he had gone down, Ruth began +to arrange her dress. When she came downstairs she went into the +old familiar garden and gathered a nosegay of the last lingering +autumn flowers--a few roses and the like. + +Mr. Benson had tutored his sister well; and, although Miss +Faith's face was swollen with crying, she spoke with almost +exaggerated cheerfulness to Ruth. Indeed, as they all stood at +the front door, making-believe to have careless nothings to say, +just as at an ordinary leave-taking, you would not have guessed +the strained chords of feeling there were in each heart. They +lingered on, the last rays of the setting sun falling on the +group. Ruth once or twice had roused herself to the pitch of +saying "Good-bye," but when her eye fell on Leonard she was +forced to hide the quivering of her lips, and conceal her +trembling mouth amid the bunch of roses. + +"They won't let you have your flowers, I'm afraid," said Miss +Benson. "Doctors so often object to the smell." + +"No; perhaps not," said Ruth hurriedly. "I did not think of it. I +will only keep this one rose. Here, Leonard darling!" She gave +the rest to him. It was her farewell; for having now no veil to +hide her emotion, she summoned all her bravery for one parting +smile, and, smiling, turned away. But she gave one look back from +the street, just from the last point at which the door could be +seen, and, catching a glimpse of Leonard standing foremost on the +step, she ran back, and he met her half-way, and mother and child +spoke never a word in that close embrace. + +"Now, Leonard," said Miss Faith, "be a brave boy. I feel sure she +will come back to us before very long." + +But she was very near crying herself; and she would have given +way, I believe, if she had not found the wholesome outlet of +scolding Sally, for expressing just the same opinion respecting +Ruth's proceedings as she herself had done not two hours before. +Taking what her brother had said to her as a text, she delivered +such a lecture to Sally on want of faith that she was astonished +at herself, and so much affected by what she had said that she +had to shut the door of communication between the kitchen and the +parlour pretty hastily, in order to prevent Sally's threatened +reply from weakening her belief in the righteousness of what Ruth +had done. Her words had gone beyond her conviction. + +Evening after evening Mr. Benson went forth to gain news of Ruth; +and night after night he returned with good tidings. The fever, +it is true, raged; but no plague came nigh her. He said her face +was ever calm and bright, except when clouded by sorrow as she +gave the accounts of the deaths which occurred in spite of every +care. He said that he had never seen her face so fair and gentle +as it was now, when she was living in the midst of disease and +woe. + +One evening Leonard (for they had grown bolder as to the +infection) accompanied him to the street on which the hospital +abutted. Mr. Benson left him there, and told him to return home; +but the boy lingered, attracted by the crowd that had gathered, +and were gazing up intently towards the lighted windows of the +hospital. There was nothing beyond that to be seen; but the +greater part of these poor people had friends or relations in +that palace of Death. Leonard stood and listened. At first their +talk consisted of vague and exaggerated accounts (if such could +be exaggerated) of the horrors of the fever. Then they spoke of +Ruth--of his mother; and Leonard held his breath to hear. + +"They say she has been a great sinner, and that this is her +penance, quoth one. And as Leonard gasped, before rushing forward +to give the speaker straight the lie, an old man spoke-- + +"Such a one as her has never been a great sinner; nor does she do +her work as a penance, but for the love of God, and of the +blessed Jesus. She will be in the light of God's countenance when +you and I will be standing afar off. I tell you, man, when my +poor wench died, as no one would come near, her head lay at that +hour on this woman's sweet breast. I could fell you," the old man +went on, lifting his shaking arm, "for calling that woman a great +sinner. The blessing of them who were ready to perish is upon +her." + +Immediately there arose a clamour of tongues, each with some tale +of his mother's gentle doings, till Leonard grew dizzy with the +beatings of his glad, proud heart. Few were aware how much Ruth +had done; she never spoke of it, shrinking with sweet shyness +from over-much allusion to her own work at all times. Her left +hand truly knew not what her right hand did; and Leonard was +overwhelmed now to hear of the love and the reverence with which +the poor and outcast had surrounded her. It was irrepressible. He +stepped forward with a proud bearing, and, touching the old man's +arm who had first spoken, Leonard tried to speak; but for an +instant he could not, his heart was too full: tears came before +words, but at length he managed to say-- + +"Sir, I am her son!" + +"Thou! thou her bairn! God bless you, lad," said an old woman, +pushing through the crowd. "It was but last night she kept my +child quiet with singing psalms the night through. Low and sweet, +low and sweet, they tell me--till many poor things were hushed, +though they were out of their minds, and had not heard psalms +this many a year. God in heaven bless you, lad!" + +Many other wild, woe-begone creatures pressed forward with +blessings on Ruth's son, while he could only repeat-- + +"She is my mother." + +From that day forward Leonard walked erect in the streets of +Eccleston, where "many arose and called her blessed." + +After some weeks the virulence of the fever abated; and the +general panic subsided--indeed, a kind of fool-hardiness +succeeded. To be sure, in some instances the panic still held +possession of individuals to an exaggerated extent. But the +number of patients in the hospital was rapidly diminishing, and, +for money, those were to be found who could supply Ruth's place. +But to her it was owing that the overwrought fear of the town was +subdued; it was she who had gone voluntarily, and, with no +thought of greed or gain, right into the very jaws of the fierce +disease. She bade the inmates of the hospital farewell, and after +carefully submitting herself to the purification recommended by +Mr. Davis, the principal surgeon of the place, who had always +attended Leonard, she returned to Mr. Benson's just at gloaming +time. + +They each vied with the other in the tenderest cares. They +hastened tea; they wheeled the sofa to the fire; they made her +lie down; and to all she submitted with the docility of a child; +and, when the candles came, even Mr. Benson's anxious eye could +see no change in her looks, but that she seemed a little paler. +The eyes were as full of spiritual light, the gently parted lips +as rosy, and the smile, if more rare, yet as sweet as ever. + + +CHAPTER XXXIV + + +"I MUST GO AND NURSE MR. BELLINGHAM" + +The next morning Miss Benson would insist upon making Ruth lie +down on the sofa. Ruth longed to do many things; to be much more +active; but she submitted, when she found that it would gratify +Miss Faith if she remained as quiet as if she were really an +invalid. + +Leonard sat by her holding her hand. Every now and then he looked +up from his book, as if to make sure that she indeed was restored +to him. He had brought her down the flowers which she had given +him the day of her departure, and which he had kept in water as +long as they had any greenness or fragrance, and then had +carefully dried and put by. She too, smiling, had produced the +one rose which she had carried away to the hospital. Never had +the bond between her and her boy been drawn so firm and strong. + +Many visitors came this day to the quiet Chapel-house. First of +all Mrs. Farquhar appeared. She looked very different from the +Jemima Bradshaw of three years ago. Happiness had called out +beauty; the colouring of her face was lovely, and vivid as that +of an autumn day; her berry red lips scarce closed over the short +white teeth for her smiles; and her large dark eyes glowed and +sparkled with daily happiness. They were softened by a mist of +tears as she looked upon Ruth. + +"Lie still! Don't move! You must be content to-day to be waited +upon, and nursed! I have just seen Miss Benson in the lobby, and +had charge upon charge not to fatigue you. Oh, Ruth! how we all +love you, now we have you back again! Do you know, I taught Rosa +to say her prayers as soon as ever you were gone to that horrid +place, just on purpose that her little innocent lips might pray +for you--I wish you could hear her say it--'Please, dear God, +keep Ruth safe.' Oh, Leonard! are not you proud of your mother?" + +Leonard said "Yes," rather shortly, as if he were annoyed that +any one else should know, or even have a right to imagine, how +proud he was. Jemima went on-- + +"Now, Ruth! I have got a plan for you. Walter and I have partly +made it; and partly it's papa's doing. Yes, dear! papa has been +quite anxious to show his respect for you. We all want you to go +to the dear Eagle's Crag for this next month, and get strong, and +have some change in that fine air at Abermouth. I am going to +take little Rosa there. Papa has lent it to us. And the weather +is often very beautiful in November." + +"Thank you very much. It is very tempting; for I have been almost +longing for some such change. I cannot tell all at once whether I +can go; but I will see about it, if you will let me leave it open +a little." + +"Oh! as long as you like, so that you will but go at last. And, +Master Leonard! you are to come too. Now, I know I have you on my +side." Ruth thought of the place. Her only reluctance arose from +the remembrance of that one interview on the sands. That walk she +could never go again; but how much remained! How much that would +be a charming balm and refreshment to her! + +"What happy evenings we shall have together! Do you know, I think +Mary and Elizabeth may perhaps come." + +A bright gleam of sunshine came into the room. "Look! how bright +and propitious for our plans. Dear Ruth, it seems like an omen +for the future!" + +Almost while she spoke, Miss Benson entered, bringing with her +Mr. Grey, the rector of Eccleston. He was an elderly man, short, +and stoutly built, with something very formal in his manner; but +any one might feel sure of his steady benevolence who noticed the +expression of his face, and especially of the kindly black eyes +that gleamed beneath his grey and shaggy eyebrows. Ruth had seen +him at the hospital once or twice, and Mrs. Farquhar had met him +pretty frequently in general society. + +"Go and tell your uncle," said Miss Benson to Leonard. + +"Stop, my boy! I have just met Mr. Benson in the street, and my +errand now is to your mother. I should like you to remain and +hear what it is; and I am sure that my business will give these +ladies,"--bowing to Miss Benson and Jemima--"so much pleasure, +that I need not apologise for entering upon it in their +presence." He pulled out his double eye-glass, saying, with a +grave smile-- + +"You ran away from us yesterday so quietly and cunningly, Mrs. +Denbigh, that you were, perhaps, not aware that the Board was +sitting at that very time, and trying to form a vote sufficiently +expressive of our gratitude to you. As chairman, they requested +me to present you with this letter, which I shall have the +pleasure of reading." + +With all due emphasis he read aloud a formal letter from the +Secretary to the Infirmary, conveying a vote of thanks to Ruth. + +The good rector did not spare her one word, from date to +signature; and then, folding the letter up, he gave it to +Leonard, saying-- + +"There, sir! when you are an old man, you may read that testimony +to your mother's noble conduct with pride and pleasure. For, +indeed," continued he, turning to Jemima, "no words can express +the relief it was to us. I speak of the gentlemen composing the +Board of the Infirmary. When Mrs. Denbigh came forward, the panic +was at its height, and the alarm of course aggravated the +disorder. The poor creatures died rapidly; there was hardly time +to remove the dead bodies before others were brought in to occupy +the beds, so little help was to be procured on account of the +universal terror; and the morning when Mrs. Denbigh offered us +her services we seemed at the very worst. I shall never forget +the sensation of relief in my mind when she told us what she +proposed to do; but we thought it right to warn her to the full +extent-- + +"Nay, madam," said he, catching a glimpse of Ruth's changing +colour, "I will spare you any more praises. I will only say, if I +can be a friend to you, or a friend to your child, you may +command my poor powers to the utmost." + +He got up, and, bowing formally, he took his leave. Jemima came +and kissed Ruth. Leonard went upstairs to put the precious letter +away. Miss Benson sat crying heartily in a corner of the room. +Ruth went to her, and threw her arms round her neck, and said-- + +"I could not tell him just then. I durst not speak for fear of +breaking down; but if I have done right, it was all owing to you +and Mr. Benson. Oh! I wish I had said how the thought first came +into my head from seeing the things Mr. Benson has done so +quietly ever since the fever first came amongst us. I could not +speak; and it seemed as if I was taking those praises to myself, +when all the time I was feeling how little I deserved them--how +it was all owing to you." + +"Under God, Ruth," said Miss Benson, speaking through her tears. + +"Oh! think there is nothing humbles one so much as undue praise. +While he was reading that letter, I could not help feeling how +many things I have done wrong! Could he know of--of what I have +been?" asked she, dropping her voice very low. + +"Yes!" said Jemima, "he knew--everybody in Eccleston did +know--but the remembrance of those days is swept away. Miss +Benson," she continued, for she was anxious to turn the subject, +"you must be on my side, and persuade Ruth to come to Abermouth +for a few weeks. I want her and Leonard both to come." + +"I'm afraid my brother will think that Leonard is missing his +lessons sadly. Just of late we could not wonder that the poor +child's heart was so full; but he must make haste, and get on all +the more for his idleness." Miss Benson piqued herself on being a +disciplinarian. + +"Oh, as for lessons, Walter is so very anxious that you should +give way to his superior wisdom, Ruth, and let Leonard go to +school. He will send him to any school you fix upon, according to +the mode of life you plan for him." + +"I have no plan," said Ruth. "I have no means of planning. All I +can do is to try and make him ready for anything." + +"Well," said Jemima, "we must talk it over at Abermouth; for I am +sure you won't refuse to come, dearest, dear Ruth! Think of the +quiet, sunny days, and the still evenings, that we shall have +together, with little Rosa to tumble about among the fallen +leaves; and there's Leonard to have his first sight of the sea." + +"I do think of it," said Ruth, smiling at the happy picture +Jemima drew. And both smiling at the hopeful prospect before +them, they parted--never to meet again in life. + +No sooner had Mrs. Farquhar gone than Sally burst in. + +"Oh! dear, dear!" said she, looking around her. "If I had but +known that the rector was coming to call I'd ha' put on the best +covers, and the Sunday tablecloth! You're well enough," continued +she, surveying Ruth from head to foot; "you're always trim and +dainty in your gowns, though I reckon they cost but tuppence a +yard, and you've a face to set 'em off; but as for you" (as she +turned to Miss Benson), "I think you might ha' had something +better on than that old stuff, if it had only. been to do credit +to a parishioner like me, whom he has known ever sin' my father +was his clerk." + +"You forget, Sally, I had been making jelly all the morning. How +could I tell it was Mr. Grey when there was a knock at the door?" +Miss Benson replied. + +"You might ha' letten me do the jelly; I'se warrant I could ha' +pleased Ruth as well as you. If I had but known he was coming, +I'd ha' slipped round the corner and bought ye a neck-ribbon, or +summut to lighten ye up. I'se loth he should think I'm living +with Dissenters, that don't know how to keep themselves trig and +smart." + +"Never mind, Sally; he never thought of me. What he came for, was +to see Ruth; and, as you say, she's always neat and dainty." + +"Well! I reckon it cannot be helped now; but, if I buy ye a +ribbon, will you promise to wear it when Church folks come? for I +cannot abide the way they have of scoffing at the Dissenters +about their dress." + +"Very well! we'll make that bargain," said Miss Benson; "and now, +Ruth, I'll go and fetch you a cup of warm jelly." + +"Oh! indeed, Aunt Faith," said Ruth, "I am very sorry to balk +you; but if you're going to treat me as an invalid, I am afraid I +shall rebel." + +But when she found that Aunt Faith's heart was set upon it, she +submitted very graciously: only dimpling up a little, as she +found that she must consent to lie on the sofa, and be fed, when, +in truth, she felt full of health, with a luxurious sensation of +languor stealing over her now and then, just enough to make it +very pleasant to think of the salt breezes, and the sea beauty +which awaited her at Abermouth. + +Mr. Davis called in the afternoon, and his visit was also to +Ruth. Mr. and Miss Benson were sitting with her in the parlour, +and watching her with contented love, as she employed herself in +household sewing, and hopefully spoke about the Abermouth plan. + +"Well! so you had our worthy rector here to-day; I am come on +something of the same kind of errand; only I shall spare you the +reading of my letter, which, I'll answer for it, he did not. +Please to take notice," said he, putting down a sealed letter, +"that I have delivered you a vote of thanks from my medical +brothers; and open and read it at your leisure; only not just +now, for I want to have a little talk with you on my own behoof. +I want to ask you a favour, Mrs. Denbigh." + +"A favour!" exclaimed Ruth; "what can I do for you? I think I may +say I will do it, without hearing what it is." + +"Then you're a very imprudent woman," replied he; "however, I'll +take you at your word. I want you to give me your boy." + +"Leonard?" + +"Ay! there it is, you see, Mr. Benson. One minute she is as ready +as can be, and the next she looks at me as if I was an ogre!" + +"Perhaps we don't understand what you mean," said Mr. Benson. + +"The thing is this. You know I've no children; and I can't say +I've ever fretted over it much; but my wife has; and whether it +is that she has infected me, or that I grieve over my good +practice going to a stranger, when I ought to have had a son to +take it after me, I don't know; but, of late, I've got to look +with covetous eyes on all healthy boys, and at last I've settled +down my wishes on this Leonard of yours, Mrs. Denbigh." + +Ruth could not speak; for, even yet, she did not understand what +he meant. He went on-- + +"Now, how old is the lad?" He asked Ruth, but Miss Benson +replied-- + +"He'll be twelve next February." + +"Umph! only twelve! He's tall and old-looking for his age. You +look young enough, it is true." He said this last sentence as if +to himself, but seeing Ruth crimson up, ho abruptly changed his +tone. + +"Twelve, is he? Well, I take him from now. I don't mean that I +really take him away from you," said he, softening all at once, +and becoming grave and considerate. "His being your son--the son +of one whom I have seen--as I have seen you, Mrs. Denbigh (out +and out the best nurse I ever met with, Miss Benson; and good +nurses are things we doctors know how to value)--his being your +son is his great recommendation to me; not but what the lad +himself is a noble boy. I shall be glad to leave him with you as +long and as much as we can; he could not be tied to your +apron-strings all his life, you know. Only I provide for his +education, subject to your consent and good pleasure, and he is +bound apprentice to me. I, his guardian, bind him to myself, the +first surgeon in Eccleston, be the other who he may; and in +process of time he becomes partner, and some day or other +succeeds me. Now, Mrs. Denbigh, what have you got to say against +this plan? My wife is just as full of it as me. Come; begin with +your objections. You're not a woman if you have not a whole +bag-full of them ready to turn out against any reasonable +proposal." + +"I don't know," faltered Ruth. "It is so sudden----" + +"It is very, very kind of you, Mr. Davis," said Miss Benson, a +little scandalised at Ruth's non-expression of gratitude. + +"Pooh! pooh! I'll answer for it, in the long-run, I am taking +good care of my own interests. Come, Mrs. Denbigh, is it a +bargain?" + +Now Mr. Benson spoke. + +"Mr. Davis, it is rather sudden, as she says. As far as I can +see, it is the best as well as the kindest proposal that could +have been made; but I think we must give her a little time to +think about it." + +"Well, twenty-four hours! Will that do?" + +Ruth lifted up her head. "Mr. Davis, I am not ungrateful because +I can't thank you" (she was crying while she spoke); "let me have +a fortnight to consider about it. In a fortnight I will make up +my mind. Oh, how good you all are!" + +"Very well. Then this day fortnight--Thursday the 28th--you will +let me know your decision. Mind! if it's against me, I sha'n't +consider it a decision, for I'm determined to carry my point. I'm +not going to make Mrs. Denbigh blush, Mr. Benson, by telling you, +in her presence, of all I have observed about her this last three +weeks, that has made me sure of the good qualities I shall find +in this boy of hers. I was watching her when she little thought +of it. Do you remember that night when Hector O'Brien was so +furiously delirious, Mrs. Denbigh?" + +Ruth went very white at the remembrance. + +"Why now, look there! how pale she is at the very thought of it! +And yet, I assure you, she was the one to go up and take the +piece of glass from him which he had broken out of the window for +the sole purpose of cutting his throat, or the throat of any one +else, for that matter. I wish we had some others as brave as she +is." + +"I thought the great panic was passed away!" said Mr. Benson. + +"Ay! the general feeling of alarm is much weaker; but, here and +there, there are as great fools as ever. Why, when I leave here, +I am going to see our precious member, Mr. Donne----" + +"Mr. Donne?" said Ruth. + +"Mr. Donne, who lies ill at the Queen's--came last week, with the +intention of canvassing, but was too much alarmed by what he +heard of the fever to set to work; and, in spite of all his +precautions, he has taken it; and you should see the terror they +are in at the hotel; landlord, landlady, waiters, servants--all; +there's not a creature will go near him, if they can help it; and +there's only his groom--a lad he saved from drowning, I'm +told--to do anything for him. I must get him a proper nurse, +somehow or somewhere, for all my being a Cranworth man. Ah, Mr. +Benson! you don't know the temptations we medical men have. +Think, if I allowed your member to die now as he might very well, +if he had no nurse--how famously Mr. Cranworth would walk over +the course!--Where's Mrs. Denbigh gone to? I hope I've not +frightened her away by reminding her of Hector O'Brien, and that +awful night, when I do assure you she behaved like a heroine!" + +As Mr. Benson was showing Mr. Davis out, Ruth opened the +study-door, and said, in a very calm, low voice-- + +"Mr. Benson! will you allow me to speak to Mr. Davis alone?" + +Mr. Benson immediately consented, thinking that, in all +probability, she wished to ask some further questions about +Leonard; but as Mr. Davis came into the room, and shut the door, +he was struck by her pale, stern face of determination, and +awaited her speaking first. + +"Mr. Davis! I must go and nurse Mr. Bellingham," said she at +last, clenching her hands tight together; but no other part of +her body moving from its intense stillness. + +"Mr. Bellingham?" asked he, astonished at the name. + +"Mr. Donne, I mean," said she hurriedly. "His name was +Bellingham." + +"Oh! I remember hearing he had changed his name for some +property. But you must not think of any more such work just now. +You are not fit for it. You are looking as white as ashes." + +"I must go," she repeated. + +"Nonsense! Here's a man who can pay for the care of the first +hospital nurses in London--and I doubt if his life is worth the +risk of one of theirs even, much more of yours." + +"We have no right to weigh human lives against each other." + +"No! I know we have not. But it's a way we doctors are apt to get +into; and, at any rate, it's ridiculous of you to think of such a +thing. Just listen to reason." + +"I can't! I can't!" cried she, with a sharp pain in her voice. +"You must let me go, dear Mr. Davis!" said she, now speaking with +soft entreaty. "No!" said he, shaking his head authoritatively. +"I'll do no such thing." "Listen!" said she, dropping her voice, +and going all over the deepest scarlet; "he is Leonard's father! +Now! you will let me go!" Mr. Davis was indeed staggered by what +she said, and for a moment he did not speak. So she went on-- +"You will not tell! You must not tell! No one knows, not even Mr. +Benson, who it was. And now--it might do him so much harm to have +it known. You will not tell!" + +"No! I will not tell," replied he. "But, Mrs. Denbigh, you must +answer me this one question, which I ask you in all true respect, +but which I must ask, in order to guide both myself and you +aright--of course I knew Leonard was illegitimate--in fact, I +will give you secret for secret; it was being so myself that +first made me sympathise with him, and desire to adopt him. I +knew that much of your history; but tell me, do you now care for +this man? Answer me truly--do you love him?" + +For a moment or two she did not speak; her head was bent down; +then she raised it up, and looked with clear and honest eyes into +his face. + +"I have been thinking--but I do not know--I cannot tell--I don't +think I should love him, if he were well and happy--but you said +he was ill--and alone--how can I help caring for him? How can I +help caring for him?" repeated she, covering her face with her +hands, and the quick hot tears stealing through her fingers. + +"He is Leonard's father," continued she, looking up at Mr. Davis +suddenly. "He need not know--he shall not--that I have ever been +near him. If he is like the others, he must be delirious--I will +leave him before he comes to himself--but now let me go--I must +go." + +"I wish my tongue had been bitten out before I had named him to +you. He would do well enough without you; and, I dare say, if he +recognises you, he will only be annoyed." + +"It is very likely," said Ruth heavily. + +"Annoyed--why! he may curse you for your unasked-for care of him. +I have heard my poor mother--and she was as pretty and delicate a +creature as you are--cursed for showing tenderness when it was +not wanted. Now, be persuaded by an old man like me, who has seen +enough of life to make his heart ache--leave this fine gentleman +to his fate. I'll promise you to get him as good a nurse as can +be had for money." + +"No!" said Ruth, with dull persistency--as if she had not +attended to his dissuasions; "I must go. I will leave him before +he recognises me." + +"Why, then," said the old surgeon, "if you're so bent upon it, I +suppose I must let you. It is but what my mother would have +done--poor, heart-broken thing! However, come along, and let us +make the best of it. It saves me a deal of trouble, I know; for, +if I have you for a right hand, I need not worry myself +continually with wondering how he is taken care of. Go get your +bonnet, you tender-hearted fool of a woman! Let us get you out of +the house without any more scenes or explanations; I'll make all +straight with the Bensons." + +"You will not tell my secret, Mr. Davis," she said abruptly. + +"No! not I! Does the woman think I had never to keep a secret of +the kind before? I only hope he'll lose his election, and never +come near the place again. After all," continued he, sighing, "I +suppose it is but human nature!" He began recalling the +circumstances of his own early life, and dreamily picturing +scenes in the grey dying embers of the fire; and he was almost +startled when she stood before him, ready equipped, grave, pale, +and quiet. + +"Come along!" said he. "If you're to do any good at all, it must +be in these next three days. After that, I'll ensure his life for +this bout; and mind! I shall send you home then; for he might +know you, and I'll have no excitement to throw him back again, +and no sobbing and crying from you. But now every moment your +care is precious to him. I shall tell my own story to the +Bensons, as soon as I have installed you." + +Mr. Donne lay in the best room of the Queen's Hotel--no one with +him but his faithful, ignorant servant, who was as much afraid of +the fever as any one else could be, but who, nevertheless, would +not leave his master--his master who had saved his life as a +child, and afterwards put him in the stables at Bellingham Hall, +where he learnt all that he knew. He stood in a farther corner of +the room, watching his delirious master with affrighted eyes, not +daring to come near him, nor yet willing to leave him. + +"Oh! if that doctor would but come! He'll kill himself or me--and +them stupid servants won't stir a step over the threshold; how +shall I get over the night? Blessings on him--here's the old +doctor back again! I hear him creaking and scolding up the +stairs!" + +The door opened, and Mr. Davis entered, followed by Ruth. + +"Here's the nurse, my good man--such a nurse as there is not in +the three counties. Now, all you'll have to do is to mind what +she says." + +"Oh, sir! he's mortal bad! won't you stay with us through the +night, sir?" + +"Look here!" whispered Mr. Davis to the man, "see how she knows +how to manage him! Why, I could not do it better myself!" + +She had gone up to the wild, raging figure, and with soft +authority had made him lie down: and then, placing a basin of +cold water by the bedside, she had dipped in it her pretty hands, +and was laying their cool dampness on his hot brow, speaking in a +low soothing voice all the time, in a way that acted like a charm +in hushing his mad talk. + +"But I will stay," said the doctor, after he had examined his +patient; "as much on her account as his, and partly to quieten +the fears of this poor, faithful fellow." + + +CHAPTER XXXV + + +OUT OF DARKNESS INTO LIGHT + +The third night after this was to be the crisis--the +turning-point between Life and Death. Mr. Davis came again to +pass it by the bedside of the sufferer. Ruth was there, constant +and still, intent upon watching the symptoms, and acting +according to them, in obedience to Mr. Davis's directions. She +had never left the room. Every sense had been strained in +watching--every power of thought or judgment had been kept on the +full stretch. Now that Mr. Davis came and took her place, and +that the room was quiet for the night, she became oppressed with +heaviness, which yet did not tend to sleep. She could not +remember the present time, or where she was. All times of her +earliest youth--the days of her childhood--were in her memory +with a minuteness and fulness of detail which was miserable; for +all along she felt that she had no real grasp on the scenes that +were passing through her mind--that, somehow, they were long gone +by, and gone by for ever--and yet she could not remember who she +was now, nor where she was, and whether she had now any interests +in life to take the place of those which she was conscious had +passed away, although their remembrance filled her mind with +painful acuteness. Her head lay on her arms, and they rested on +the table. Every now and then she opened her eyes, and saw the +large room, handsomely furnished with articles that were each one +incongruous with the other, as if bought at sales. She saw the +flickering night-light--she heard the ticking of the watch, and +the two breathings, each going on at a separate rate--one +hurried, abruptly stopping, and then panting violently, as if to +make up for lost time; and the other slow, steady, and regular, +as if the breather was asleep; but this supposition was +contradicted by an occasional repressed sound of yawning. The sky +through the uncurtained window looked dark and black--would this +night never have an end? Had the sun gone down for ever, and +would the world at last awaken to a general sense of everlasting +night? + +Then she felt as if she ought to get up, and go and see how the +troubled sleeper in yonder bed was struggling through his +illness; but she could not remember who the sleeper was, and she +shrunk from seeing some phantom-face on the pillow, such as now +began to haunt the dark corners of the room, and look at her, +jibbering and mowing as they looked. So she covered her face +again, and sank into a whirling stupor of sense and feeling. +By-and-by she heard her fellow-watcher stirring, and a dull +wonder stole over her as to what he was doing; but the heavy +languor pressed her down, and kept her still. At last she heard +the words, "Come here," and listlessly obeyed the command. She +had to steady herself in the rocking chamber before she could +walk to the bed by which Mr. Davis stood; but the effort to do so +roused her, and, though conscious of an oppressive headache, she +viewed with sudden and clear vision all the circumstances of her +present position. Mr. Davis was near the head of the bed, holding +the night-lamp high, and shading it with his hand, that it might +not disturb the sick person, who lay with his face towards them, +in feeble exhaustion, but with every sign that the violence of +the fever had left him. It so happened that the rays of the lamp +fell bright and full upon Ruth's countenance, as she stood with +her crimson lips parted with the hurrying breath, and the +fever-flush brilliant on her cheeks. Her eyes were wide open, and +their pupils distended. She looked on the invalid in silence, and +hardly understood why Mr. Davis had summoned her there. + +"Don't you see the change? He is better!--the crisis is past!" + +But she did not speak her looks were riveted on his +softly-unclosing eyes, which met hers as they opened languidly. +She could not stir or speak. She was held fast by that gaze of +his, in which a faint recognition dawned, and grew to strength. + +He murmured some words. They strained their sense to hear. He +repeated them even lower than before; but this time they caught +what he was saying. + +"Where are the water-lilies? Where are the lilies in her hair?" + +Mr. Davis drew Ruth away. + +"He is still rambling," said he. "But the fever has left him." + +The grey dawn was now filling the room with its cold light; was +it that made Ruth's cheek so deadly pale? Could that call out the +wild entreaty of her look, as if imploring help against some +cruel foe that held her fast, and was wrestling with her Spirit +of Life? She held Mr. Davis's arm. If she had let it go, she +would have fallen. + +"Take me home," she said, and fainted dead away. + +Mr. Davis carried her out of the chamber, and sent the groom to +keep watch by his master. He ordered a fly to convey her to Mr. +Benson's, and lifted her in when it came, for she was still half +unconscious. It was he who carried her upstairs to her room, +where Miss Benson and Sally undressed and laid her in her bed. + +He awaited their proceedings in Mr. Benson's study. When Mr. +Benson came in, Mr. Davis said-- + +"Don't blame me. Don't add to my self-reproach. I have killed +her. I was a cruel fool to let her go. Don't speak to me." + +"It may not be so bad," said Mr. Benson, himself needing comfort +in that shock. + +"She may recover. She surely will recover. I believe she will." + +"No, no! she won't. But by----she shall, if I can save her." +Mr. Davis looked defiantly at Mr. Benson, as if he were Fate. "I +tell you she shall recover, or else I am a murderer. What +business had I to take her to nurse him----" + +He was cut short by Sally's entrance and announcement, that Ruth +was now prepared to see him. + +From that time forward Mr. Davis devoted all his leisure, his +skill, his energy, to save her. He called on the rival surgeon, +to beg him to undertake the management of Mr. Donne's recovery, +saying, with his usual self-mockery, "I could not answer it to +Mr. Cranworth if I had brought his opponent round, you know, when +I had had such a fine opportunity in my power. Now, with your +patients, and general Radical interest, it will be rather a +feather in your cap; for he may want a good deal of care yet, +though he is getting on famously--so rapidly, in fact, that it's +a strong temptation to me to throw him back--a relapse, you +know." + +The other surgeon bowed gravely, apparently taking Mr. Davis in +earnest, but certainly very glad of the job thus opportunely +thrown in his way. In spite of Mr. Davis's real and deep anxiety +about Ruth, he could not help chuckling over his rival's literal +interpretation of all he had said. + +"To be sure, what fools men are! I don't know why one should +watch and strive to keep them in the world. I have given this +fellow something to talk about confidently to all his patients; I +wonder how much stronger a dose the man would have swallowed! I +must begin to take care of my practice for that lad yonder. +Well-a-day! well-a-day! What was this sick fine gentleman sent +here for, that she should run a chance of her life for him? or +why was he sent into the world at all, for that matter?" + +Indeed, however much Mr. Davis might labour with all his +professional skill--however much they might all watch--and +pray--and weep--it was but too evident that Ruth "home must go, +and take her wages." Poor, poor Ruth! It might be that, utterly +exhausted by watching and nursing, first in the hospital, and +than by the bedside of her former lover, the power of her +constitution was worn out; or, it might be, her gentle, pliant +sweetness, but she displayed no outrage or discord even in her +delirium. There she lay in the attic-room in which her baby had +been born, her watch over him kept, her confession to him made; +and now she was stretched on the bed in utter helplessness, +softly gazing at vacancy with her open, unconscious eyes, from +which all the depth of their meaning had fled, and all they told +of was of a sweet, child-like insanity within. The watchers could +not touch her with their sympathy, or come near her in her dim +world;--so, mutely, but looking at each other from time to time +with tearful eyes, they took a poor comfort from the one evident +fact that, though lost and gone astray, she was happy and at +peace. They had never heard her sing; indeed, the simple art +which her mother had taught her, had died, with her early +joyousness, at that dear mother's death. But now she sang +continually, very slow, and low. She went from one old childish +ditty to another without let or pause, keeping a strange sort of +time with her pretty fingers, as they closed and unclosed +themselves upon the counterpane. She never looked at any one with +the slightest glimpse of memory or intelligence in her face; no, +not even Leonard. + +Her strength faded day by day; but she knew it not. Her sweet +lips were parted to sing, even after the breath and the power to +do so had left her, and her fingers fell idly on the bed. Two +days she lingered thus--all but gone from them, and yet still +there. + +They stood around her bedside, not speaking, or sighing, or +moaning; they were too much awed by the exquisite peacefulness of +her look for that. Suddenly she opened wide her eyes, and gazed +intently forwards, as if she saw some happy vision, which called +out a lovely, rapturous, breathless smile. They held their very +breaths. + +"I see the Light coming," said she. "The Light is coming," she +said. And, raising herself slowly, she stretched out her arms, +and then fell back, very still for evermore. + +They did not speak. Mr. Davis was the first to utter a word. + +"It is over!" said he. "She is dead!" + +Out rang through the room the cry of Leonard-- + +"Mother! mother! mother! You have not left me alone! You will not +leave me alone! You are not dead! Mother! Mother!" + +They had pent in his agony of apprehension till then, that no +wail of her child might disturb her ineffable calm. But now there +was a cry heard through the house, of one refusing to be +comforted: "Mother! Mother!" + +But Ruth lay dead. + + +CHAPTER XXXVI + + +THE END + +A stupor of grief succeeded to Leonard's passionate cries. He +became so much depressed, physically as well as mentally, before +the end of the day, that Mr. Davis was seriously alarmed for the +consequences. He hailed with gladness a proposal made by the +Farquhars, that the boy should be removed to their house, and +placed under the fond care of his mother's friend, who sent her +own child to Abermouth the better to devote herself to Leonard. + +When they told him of this arrangement, he at first refused to go +and leave her: but when Mr. Benson said-- + +"She would have wished it, Leonard! Do it for her sake!" he went +away very quietly; not speaking a word, after Mr. Benson had made +the voluntary promise that he should see her once again. He +neither spoke nor cried for many hours; and all Jemima's delicate +wiles were called forth, before his heavy heart could find the +relief of tears. And then he was so weak, and his pulse so low, +that all who loved him feared for his life. + +Anxiety about him made a sad distraction from the sorrow for the +dead. The three old people, who now formed the household in the +Chapel-house, went about slowly and dreamily, each with a dull +wonder at their hearts why they, the infirm and worn-out, were +left, while she was taken in her lovely prime. + +The third day after Ruth's death, a gentleman came to the door +and asked to speak to Mr. Benson. He was very much wrapped up in +furs and cloaks, and the upper, exposed part of his face was sunk +and hollow, like that of one but partially recovered from +illness. Mr. and Miss Benson were at Mr. Farquhar's, gone to see +Leonard, and poor old Sally had been having a hearty cry over the +kitchen fire before answering the door-knock. Her heart was +tenderly inclined, just then, towards any one who had the aspect +of suffering: so, although her master was out, and she was +usually chary of admitting strangers, she proposed to Mr. Donne +(for it was he), that he should come in and await Mr. Benson's +return in the study. He was glad enough to avail himself of her +offer; for he was feeble and nervous, and come on a piece of +business which he exceedingly disliked, and about which he felt +very awkward. The fire was nearly, if not quite, out; nor did +Sally's vigorous blows do much good, although she left the room +with an assurance that it would soon burn up. He leant against +the chimney-piece, thinking over events, and with a sensation of +discomfort, both external and internal, growing and gathering +upon him. He almost wondered whether the proposal he meant to +make with regard to Leonard could not be better arranged by +letter than by an interview. He became very shivery, and +impatient of the state of indecision to which his bodily weakness +had reduced him. Sally opened the door and came in. "Would you +like to walk upstairs, sir?" asked she in a trembling voice, for +she had learnt who the visitor was from the driver of the fly, +who had run up to the house to inquire what was detaining the +gentleman that he had brought from the Queen's Hotel; and, +knowing that Ruth had caught the fatal fever from her attendance +on Mr. Donne, Sally imagined that it was but a piece of sad +civility to invite him upstairs to see the poor dead body, which +she had laid out and decked for the grave, with such fond care +that she had grown strangely proud of its marble beauty. + +Mr. Donne was glad enough of any proposal of a change from the +cold and comfortless room where he had thought uneasy, remorseful +thoughts. He fancied that a change of place would banish the +train of reflection that was troubling him; but the change he +anticipated was to a well-warmed, cheerful sitting-room, with +signs of life, and a bright fire therein, and he was on the last +flight of stairs--at the door of the room where Ruth lay--before +he understood whither Sally was conducting him. He shrank back +for an instant, and then a strange sting of curiosity impelled +him on. He stood in the humble low-roofed attic, the window open, +and the tops of the distant snow-covered hills filling up the +whiteness of the general aspect. He muffled himself up in his +cloak, and shuddered, while Sally reverently drew down the sheet, +and showed the beautiful, calm, still face, on which the last +rapturous smile still lingered, giving an ineffable look of +bright serenity. Her arms were crossed over her breast; the +wimple-like cap marked the perfect oval of her face, while two +braids of the waving auburn hair peeped out of the narrow border, +and lay on the delicate cheeks. + +He was awed into admiration by the wonderful beauty of that dead +woman. + +"How beautiful she is!" said he, beneath his breath. "Do all dead +people look so peaceful--so happy?" + +"Not all," replied Sally, crying. "Few has been as good and as +gentle as she was in their lives." She quite shook with her +sobbing. + +Mr. Donne was disturbed by her distress. + +"Come, my good woman! we must all die----" he did not know what +to say, and was becoming infected by her sorrow. "I am sure you +loved her very much, and were very kind to her in her lifetime; +you must take this from me to buy yourself some remembrance of +her." He had pulled out a sovereign, and really had a kindly +desire to console her, and reward her, in offering it to her. + +But she took her apron from her eyes, as soon as she became aware +of what he was doing, and, still holding it midway in her hands, +she looked at him indignantly, before she burst out-- + +"And who are you, that think to pay for my kindness to her by +money? And I was not kind to you, my darling," said she, +passionately addressing the motionless, serene body--"I was not +kind to you. I frabbed you, and plagued you from the first, my +lamb! I came and cut off your pretty locks in this very room--I +did--and you said never an angry word to me;--no! not then, nor +many a time after, when I was very sharp and cross to you.--No! I +never was kind to you, and I dunnot think the world was kind to +you, my darling,--but you are gone where the angels are very +tender to such as you--you are, my poor wench!" She bent down and +kissed the lips, from whose marble, unyielding touch Mr. Donne +recoiled, even in thought. + +Just then Mr. Benson entered the room. He had returned home +before his sister, and came upstairs in search of Sally, to whom +he wanted to speak on some subject relating to the funeral. He +bowed in recognition of Mr. Donne, whom he knew as the member for +the town, and whose presence impressed him painfully, as his +illness had been the proximate cause of Ruth's death. But he +tried to check this feeling, as it was no fault of Mr. Donne's. +Sally stole out of the room, to cry at leisure in her kitchen. + +"I must apologise for being here," said Mr. Donne. "I was hardly +conscious where your servant was leading me to, when she +expressed her wish that I should walk upstairs." + +"It is a very common idea in this town, that it is a +gratification to be asked to take a last look at the dead," +replied Mr. Benson. + +"And in this case I am glad to have seen her once more," said Mr. +Donne. "Poor Ruth!" + +Mr. Benson glanced up at him at the last word. How did he know +her name? To him she had only been Mrs. Denbigh. But Mr. Donne +had no idea that he was talking to one unaware of the connection +that had formerly existed between them; and, though he would have +preferred carrying on the conversation in a warmer room, yet, as +Mr. Benson was still gazing at her with sad, lingering love, he +went on-- + +"I did not recognise her when she came to nurse me; I believe I +was delirious. My servant, who had known her long ago in Fordham, +told me who she was. I cannot tell you how I regret that she +should have died in consequence of her love of me." + +Mr. Benson looked up at him again, a stern light filling his eyes +as he did so. He waited impatiently to hear more, either to +quench or confirm his suspicions. If she had not been lying +there, very still and calm, he would have forced the words out of +Mr. Donne, by some abrupt question. As it was, he listened +silently, his heart quick beating. + +"I know that money is but a poor compensation--is no remedy for +this event, or for my youthful folly." + +Mr. Benson set his teeth hard together, to keep in words little +short of a curse. + +"Indeed, I offered her money to almost any amount before:--do me +justice, sir," catching the gleam of indignation on Mr. Benson's +face; "I offered to marry her, and provide for the boy as if he +had been legitimate. It's of no use recurring to that time," said +he, his voice faltering; "what is done cannot be undone. But I +came now to say, that I should be glad to leave the boy still +under your charge, and that every expense you think it right to +incur in his education I will gladly defray;--and place a sum of +money in trust for him--say, two thousand pounds--or more: fix +what you will. Of course, if you decline retaining him, I must +find some one else; but the provision for him shall be the same, +for my poor Ruth's sake." + +Mr. Benson did not speak. He could not, till he had gathered some +peace from looking at the ineffable repose of the Dead. Then, +before he answered, he covered up her face; and in his voice +there was the stillness of ice. + +"Leonard is not unprovided for. Those that honoured his mother +will take care of him. He shall never touch a penny of your +money. Every offer of service you have made, I reject in his +name, and in her presence," said he, bending towards the Dead. +"Men may call such actions as yours youthful follies! There is +another name for them with God. Sir! I will follow you +downstairs." + +All the way down, Mr. Benson heard Mr. Donne's voice urging and +entreating, but the words he could not recognise for the thoughts +that filled his brain--the rapid putting together of events that +was going on there. And when Mr. Donne turned at the door, to +speak again, and repeat his offers of service to Leonard, Mr. +Benson made answer, without well knowing whether the answer +fitted the question or not-- + +"I thank God, you have no right, legal or otherwise, over the +child. And for her sake, I will spare him the shame of ever +hearing your name as his father." He shut the door in Mr. Donne's +face. + +"An ill-bred, puritanical old fellow! He may have the boy, I am +sure, for aught I care. I have done my duty, and will get out of +this abominable place as soon as I can. I wish my last +remembrance of my beautiful Ruth was not mixed up with all these +people." + +Mr. Benson was bitterly oppressed with this interview; it +disturbed the peace with which he was beginning to contemplate +events. His anger ruffled him, although such anger had been just, +and such indignation well deserved; and both had been +unconsciously present in his heart for years against the unknown +seducer, whom he met face to face by the death-bed of Ruth. + +It gave him a shock which he did not recover from for many days. +He was nervously afraid lest Mr. Donne should appear at the +funeral; and not all the reasons he alleged to himself against +this apprehension, put it utterly away from him. Before then, +however, he heard casually (for he would allow himself no +inquiries) that he had left the town. No! Ruth's funeral passed +over in calm and simple solemnity. Her child, her own household, +her friend and Mr. Farquhar, quietly walked after the bier, which +was borne by some of the poor to whom she had been very kind in +her lifetime And many others stood aloof in the little +burying-ground, sadly watching that last ceremony. + +They slowly dispersed; Mr. Benson leading Leonard by the hand, +and secretly wondering at his self-restraint. Almost as soon as +they had let themselves into the Chapel-house, a messenger +brought a note from Mrs. Bradshaw, with a pot of quince +marmalade, which, she said to Miss Benson, she thought that +Leonard might fancy, and if he did, they were to be sure and let +her know, as she had plenty more; or, was there anything else +that he would like? She would gladly make him whatever he +fancied. + +Poor Leonard! he lay stretched on the sofa, white and tearless, +beyond the power of any such comfort, however kindly offered; but +this was only one of the many homely, simple attentions, which +all came round him to offer, from Mr. Grey, the rector, down to +the nameless poor who called at the back door to inquire how it +fared with her child. + +Mr. Benson was anxious, according to Dissenting custom, to preach +an appropriate funeral sermon. It was the last office he could +render to her; it should be done well and carefully. Moreover, it +was possible that the circumstances of her life, which were known +to all, might be made effective in this manner to work conviction +of many truths. Accordingly, he made great preparation of thought +and paper; he laboured hard, destroying sheet after sheet--his +eyes filling with tears between-whiles, as he remembered some +fresh proof of the humility and sweetness of her life. Oh that he +could do her justice! but words seemed hard and inflexible, and +refused to fit themselves to his ideas. He sat late on Saturday, +writing; he watched through the night till Sunday morning was far +advanced. He had never taken such pains with any sermon, and he +was only half satisfied with it after all. + +Mrs. Farquhar had comforted the bitterness of Sally's grief by +giving her very handsome mourning. At any rate, she felt oddly +proud and exulting when she thought of her new black gown; but, +when she remembered why she wore it, she scolded herself pretty +sharply for her satisfaction, and took to crying afresh with +redoubled vigour. She spent the Sunday morning in alternately +smoothing down her skirts and adjusting her broad hemmed collar, +or bemoaning the occasion with tearful earnestness. But the +sorrow overcame the little quaint vanity of her heart, as she saw +troop after troop of humbly-dressed mourners pass by into the old +chapel. They were very poor--but each had mounted some rusty +piece of crape, or some faded black ribbon. The old came halting +and slow--the mothers carried their quiet, awe-struck babes. + +And not only these were there--but others--equally unaccustomed +to nonconformist worship; Mr. Davis, for instance, to whom Sally +acted as chaperone; for he sat in the minister's pew, as a +stranger; and, as she afterwards said, she had a fellow-feeling +with him, being a Church-woman herself, and Dissenters had such +awkward ways; however, she had been there before, so she could +set him to rights about their fashions. + +From the pulpit, Mr. Benson saw one and all--the well-filled +Bradshaw pew--all in deep mourning, Mr. Bradshaw conspicuously so +(he would have attended the funeral gladly if they would have +asked him)--the Farquhars--the many strangers--the still more +numerous poor--one or two wild-looking outcasts who stood afar +off, but wept silently and continually. Mr. Benson's heart grew +very full. + +His voice trembled as he read and prayed. But he steadied it as +he opened his sermon--his great, last effort in her honour--the +labour that he had prayed God to bless to the hearts of many. For +an instant the old man looked on all the upturned faces, +listening, with wet eyes, to hear what he could say to interpret +that which was in their hearts, dumb and unshaped, of God's +doings, as shown in her life. He looked, and, as he gazed, a mist +came before him, and he could not see his sermon, nor his +hearers, but only Ruth, as she had been--stricken low, and +crouching from sight in the upland field by Llan-dhu--like a +woeful, hunted creature. And now her life was over! her struggle +ended! Sermon and all was forgotten. He sat down, and hid his +face in his hands for a minute or so. Then he arose, pale and +serene. He put the sermon away, and opened the Bible, and read +the seventh chapter of Revelations, beginning at the ninth verse. + +Before it was finished, most of his hearers were in tears. It +came home to them as more appropriate than any sermon could have +been. Even Sally, though full of anxiety as to what her +fellow-Churchman would think of such proceedings, let the sobs +come freely as she heard the words-- + +"And he said to me, These are they which came out of great +tribulation, and have washed their robes, and made them white in +the blood of the Lamb. + +"Therefore are they before the throne of God, and serve him day +and night in his temple; and he that sitteth on the throne shall +dwell among them. + +"They shall hunger no more, neither thirst any more; neither +shall the sun light on them, nor any heat. + +"For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed +them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters, and +God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes." + +----------------------------- + +"He preaches sermons sometimes," said Sally, nudging Mr. Davis, +as they rose from their knees at last. "I make no doubt there was +as grand a sermon in yon paper-book as ever we hear in church. +I've heard him pray uncommon fine--quite beyond any but learned +folk." + +Mr. Bradshaw had been anxious to do something to testify his +respect for the woman, who, if all had entertained his opinions, +would have been driven into hopeless sin. Accordingly, he ordered +the first stonemason of the town to meet him in the chapel-yard +on Monday morning, to take measurement and receive directions for +a tombstone. They threaded their way among the grassy heaps to +where Ruth was buried, in the south corner, beneath the great +Wych-elm. When they got there, Leonard raised himself up from the +new-stirred turf. His face was swollen with weeping; but, when he +saw Mr. Bradshaw, he calmed himself, and checked his sobs, and, +as an explanation of being where he was when thus surprised, he +could find nothing to say but the simple words-- + +"My mother is dead, sir." + +His eyes sought those of Mr. Bradshaw with a wild look of agony, +as if to find comfort for that great loss in human sympathy; and +at the first word--the first touch of Mr. Bradshaw's hand on his +shoulder--he burst out afresh. + +"Come, come! my boy!--Mr. Francis, I will see you about this +to-morrow--I will call at your house.--Let me take you home, my +poor fellow. Come, my lad, come!" + +The first time, for years, that he had entered Mr. Benson's +house, he came leading and comforting her son--and, for a moment, +he could not speak to his old friend, for the sympathy which +choked up his voice, and filled his eyes with tears. + + +End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of Ruth +by Elizabeth Cleghorn Gaskell + diff --git a/old/gruth10.zip b/old/gruth10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..8d85f50 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/gruth10.zip diff --git a/old/gruth11.txt b/old/gruth11.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0384e5e --- /dev/null +++ b/old/gruth11.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17899 @@ +The Project Gutenberg Etext of Ruth +by Elizabeth Cleghorn Gaskell +(#13 in our series by Elizabeth Cleghorn Gaskell) + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the +copyright laws for your country before distributing this or any other +Project Gutenberg file. + +We encourage you to keep this file, exactly as it is, on your +own disk, thereby keeping an electronic path open for future +readers. Please do not remove this. + +This header should be the first thing seen when anyone starts to +view the etext. Do not change or edit it without written permission. +The words are carefully chosen to provide users with the +information they need to understand what they may and may not +do with the etext. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These Etexts Are Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** + +Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get etexts, and +further information, is included below. We need your donations. + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a 501(c)(3) +organization with EIN [Employee Identification Number] 64-6221541 + + + +Title: Ruth + +Author: Elizabeth Cleghorn Gaskell + +Release Date: July, 2003 [Etext #4275] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on December 26, 2001] +[Most recently updated: May 16, 2003] + +Edition: 11 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +The Project Gutenberg Etext of Ruth +by Elizabeth Cleghorn Gaskell +******This file should be named gruth11.txt or gruth11.zip****** + +Corrected EDITIONS of our etexts get a new NUMBER, gruth12.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, gruth11a.txt + +This etext was produced by Charles Aldarondo. +Additional proof reading by Joseph E. Loewenstein, M.D. + +Project Gutenberg Etexts are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we usually do not +keep etexts in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +We are now trying to release all our etexts one year in advance +of the official release dates, leaving time for better editing. +Please be encouraged to tell us about any error or corrections, +even years after the official publication date. + +Please note neither this listing nor its contents are final til +midnight of the last day of the month of any such announcement. +The official release date of all Project Gutenberg Etexts is at +Midnight, Central Time, of the last day of the stated month. A +preliminary version may often be posted for suggestion, comment +and editing by those who wish to do so. + +Most people start at our sites at: +http://gutenberg.net or +http://promo.net/pg + +These Web sites include award-winning information about Project +Gutenberg, including how to donate, how to help produce our new +etexts, and how to subscribe to our email newsletter (free!). + + +Those of you who want to download any Etext before announcement +can get to them as follows, and just download by date. This is +also a good way to get them instantly upon announcement, as the +indexes our cataloguers produce obviously take a while after an +announcement goes out in the Project Gutenberg Newsletter. + +http://www.ibiblio.org/gutenberg/etext03 or +ftp://ftp.ibiblio.org/pub/docs/books/gutenberg/etext03 + +Or /etext02, 01, 00, 99, 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, 91 or 90 + +Just search by the first five letters of the filename you want, +as it appears in our Newsletters. + + +Information about Project Gutenberg (one page) + +We produce about two million dollars for each hour we work. The +time it takes us, a rather conservative estimate, is fifty hours +to get any etext selected, entered, proofread, edited, copyright +searched and analyzed, the copyright letters written, etc. Our +projected audience is one hundred million readers. If the value +per text is nominally estimated at one dollar then we produce $2 +million dollars per hour in 2001 as we release over 50 new Etext +files per month, or 500 more Etexts in 2000 for a total of 4000+ +If they reach just 1-2% of the world's population then the total +should reach over 300 billion Etexts given away by year's end. + +The Goal of Project Gutenberg is to Give Away One Trillion Etext +Files by December 31, 2001. [10,000 x 100,000,000 = 1 Trillion] +This is ten thousand titles each to one hundred million readers, +which is only about 4% of the present number of computer users. + +At our revised rates of production, we will reach only one-third +of that goal by the end of 2001, or about 4,000 Etexts. We need +funding, as well as continued efforts by volunteers, to maintain +or increase our production and reach our goals. + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation has been created +to secure a future for Project Gutenberg into the next millennium. + +We need your donations more than ever! + +As of November, 2001, contributions are being solicited from people +and organizations in: Alabama, Arkansas, Connecticut, Delaware, +Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, +Louisiana, Maine, Michigan, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New +Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Oregon, +Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, +Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, +and Wyoming. + +*In Progress + +We have filed in about 45 states now, but these are the only ones +that have responded. + +As the requirements for other states are met, additions to this list +will be made and fund raising will begin in the additional states. +Please feel free to ask to check the status of your state. + +In answer to various questions we have received on this: + +We are constantly working on finishing the paperwork to legally +request donations in all 50 states. If your state is not listed and +you would like to know if we have added it since the list you have, +just ask. + +While we cannot solicit donations from people in states where we are +not yet registered, we know of no prohibition against accepting +donations from donors in these states who approach us with an offer to +donate. + +International donations are accepted, but we don't know ANYTHING about +how to make them tax-deductible, or even if they CAN be made +deductible, and don't have the staff to handle it even if there are +ways. + +All donations should be made to: + +Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +PMB 113 +1739 University Ave. +Oxford, MS 38655-4109 + +Contact us if you want to arrange for a wire transfer or payment +method other than by check or money order. + + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation has been approved by +the US Internal Revenue Service as a 501(c)(3) organization with EIN +[Employee Identification Number] 64-622154. Donations are +tax-deductible to the maximum extent permitted by law. As fundraising +requirements for other states are met, additions to this list will be +made and fundraising will begin in the additional states. + +We need your donations more than ever! + +You can get up to date donation information at: + +http://www.gutenberg.net/donation.html + + +*** + +If you can't reach Project Gutenberg, +you can always email directly to: + +Michael S. Hart <hart@pobox.com> + +Prof. Hart will answer or forward your message. + +We would prefer to send you information by email. + + +**The Legal Small Print** + + +(Three Pages) + +***START**THE SMALL PRINT!**FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS**START*** +Why is this "Small Print!" statement here? You know: lawyers. +They tell us you might sue us if there is something wrong with +your copy of this etext, even if you got it for free from +someone other than us, and even if what's wrong is not our +fault. So, among other things, this "Small Print!" statement +disclaims most of our liability to you. It also tells you how +you may distribute copies of this etext if you want to. + +*BEFORE!* YOU USE OR READ THIS ETEXT +By using or reading any part of this PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm +etext, you indicate that you understand, agree to and accept +this "Small Print!" statement. If you do not, you can receive +a refund of the money (if any) you paid for this etext by +sending a request within 30 days of receiving it to the person +you got it from. If you received this etext on a physical +medium (such as a disk), you must return it with your request. + +ABOUT PROJECT GUTENBERG-TM ETEXTS +This PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext, like most PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etexts, +is a "public domain" work distributed by Professor Michael S. Hart +through the Project Gutenberg Association (the "Project"). +Among other things, this means that no one owns a United States copyright +on or for this work, so the Project (and you!) can copy and +distribute it in the United States without permission and +without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth +below, apply if you wish to copy and distribute this etext +under the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark. + +Please do not use the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark to market +any commercial products without permission. + +To create these etexts, the Project expends considerable +efforts to identify, transcribe and proofread public domain +works. Despite these efforts, the Project's etexts and any +medium they may be on may contain "Defects". Among other +things, Defects may take the form of incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other +intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged +disk or other etext medium, a computer virus, or computer +codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment. + +LIMITED WARRANTY; DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES +But for the "Right of Replacement or Refund" described below, +[1] Michael Hart and the Foundation (and any other party you may +receive this etext from as a PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext) disclaims +all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including +legal fees, and [2] YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE OR +UNDER STRICT LIABILITY, OR FOR BREACH OF WARRANTY OR CONTRACT, +INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE +OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE +POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. + +If you discover a Defect in this etext within 90 days of +receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) +you paid for it by sending an explanatory note within that +time to the person you received it from. If you received it +on a physical medium, you must return it with your note, and +such person may choose to alternatively give you a replacement +copy. If you received it electronically, such person may +choose to alternatively give you a second opportunity to +receive it electronically. + +THIS ETEXT IS OTHERWISE PROVIDED TO YOU "AS-IS". NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, ARE MADE TO YOU AS +TO THE ETEXT OR ANY MEDIUM IT MAY BE ON, INCLUDING BUT NOT +LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A +PARTICULAR PURPOSE. + +Some states do not allow disclaimers of implied warranties or +the exclusion or limitation of consequential damages, so the +above disclaimers and exclusions may not apply to you, and you +may have other legal rights. + +INDEMNITY +You will indemnify and hold Michael Hart, the Foundation, +and its trustees and agents, and any volunteers associated +with the production and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm +texts harmless, from all liability, cost and expense, including +legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the +following that you do or cause: [1] distribution of this etext, +[2] alteration, modification, or addition to the etext, +or [3] any Defect. + +DISTRIBUTION UNDER "PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm" +You may distribute copies of this etext electronically, or by +disk, book or any other medium if you either delete this +"Small Print!" and all other references to Project Gutenberg, +or: + +[1] Only give exact copies of it. Among other things, this + requires that you do not remove, alter or modify the + etext or this "small print!" statement. You may however, + if you wish, distribute this etext in machine readable + binary, compressed, mark-up, or proprietary form, + including any form resulting from conversion by word + processing or hypertext software, but only so long as + *EITHER*: + + [*] The etext, when displayed, is clearly readable, and + does *not* contain characters other than those + intended by the author of the work, although tilde + (~), asterisk (*) and underline (_) characters may + be used to convey punctuation intended by the + author, and additional characters may be used to + indicate hypertext links; OR + + [*] The etext may be readily converted by the reader at + no expense into plain ASCII, EBCDIC or equivalent + form by the program that displays the etext (as is + the case, for instance, with most word processors); + OR + + [*] You provide, or agree to also provide on request at + no additional cost, fee or expense, a copy of the + etext in its original plain ASCII form (or in EBCDIC + or other equivalent proprietary form). + +[2] Honor the etext refund and replacement provisions of this + "Small Print!" statement. + +[3] Pay a trademark license fee to the Foundation of 20% of the + gross profits you derive calculated using the method you + already use to calculate your applicable taxes. If you + don't derive profits, no royalty is due. Royalties are + payable to "Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation" + the 60 days following each date you prepare (or were + legally required to prepare) your annual (or equivalent + periodic) tax return. Please contact us beforehand to + let us know your plans and to work out the details. + +WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO? +Project Gutenberg is dedicated to increasing the number of +public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed +in machine readable form. + +The Project gratefully accepts contributions of money, time, +public domain materials, or royalty free copyright licenses. +Money should be paid to the: +"Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +If you are interested in contributing scanning equipment or +software or other items, please contact Michael Hart at: +hart@pobox.com + +[Portions of this header are copyright (C) 2001 by Michael S. Hart +and may be reprinted only when these Etexts are free of all fees.] +[Project Gutenberg is a TradeMark and may not be used in any sales +of Project Gutenberg Etexts or other materials be they hardware or +software or any other related product without express permission.] + +*END THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.10/04/01*END* + + + + +This etext was produced by Charles Aldarondo. +Additional proof reading and editing by Joseph E. Loewenstein, M.D. + + + + +ELIZABETH GASKELL +RUTH + + +CHAPTER I + + +THE DRESSMAKER'S APPRENTICE AT WORK + +There is an assize-town in one of the eastern counties which was +much distinguished by the Tudor Sovereigns, and, in consequence +of their favour and protection, attained a degree of importance +that surprises the modern traveller. + +A hundred years ago its appearance was that of picturesque +grandeur. The old houses, which were the temporary residences of +such of the county families as contented themselves with the +gaieties of a provincial town, crowded the streets, and gave them +the irregular but noble appearance yet to be seen in the cities +of Belgium. The sides of the streets had a quaint richness, from +the effect of the gables, and the stacks of chimneys which cut +against the blue sky above; while, if the eye fell lower down, +the attention was arrested by all kinds of projections in the +shape of balcony and oriel; and it was amusing to see the +infinite variety of windows that had been crammed into the walls +long before Mr. Pitt's days of taxation. The streets below +suffered from all these projections and advanced stories above; +they were dark, and ill-paved with large, round, jolting pebbles, +and with no side-path protected by kerb-stones; there were no +lamp-posts for long winter nights; and no regard was paid to the +wants of the middle class, who neither drove about in coaches of +their own, nor were carried by their own men in their own sedans +into the very halls of their friends. The professional men and +their wives, the shopkeepers and their spouses, and all such +people, walked about at considerable peril both night and day. +The broad, unwieldy carriages hemmed them up against the houses +in the narrow streets. The inhospitable houses projected their +flights of steps almost into the carriage-way, forcing +pedestrians again into the danger they had avoided for twenty or +thirty paces. Then, at night, the only light was derived from the +glaring, flaring oil-lamps, hung above the doors of the more +aristocratic mansions; just allowing space for the passers-by to +become visible, before they again disappeared into the darkness, +where it was no uncommon thing for robbers to be in waiting for +their prey. + +The traditions of those bygone times, even to the smallest social +particular, enable one to understand more clearly the +circumstances which contributed to the formation of character. +The daily life into which people are born, and into which they +are absorbed before they are well aware, forms chains which only +one in a hundred has moral strength enough to despise, and to +break when the right time comes--when an inward necessity for +independent individual action arises, which is superior to all +outward conventionalities. Therefore, it is well to know what +were the chains of daily domestic habit, which were the natural +leading strings of our forefathers before they learnt to go +alone. + +The picturesqueness of those ancient streets has departed now. +The Astleys, the Dunstans, the Waverhams--names of power in that +district--go up duly to London in the season, and have sold their +residences in the county town fifty years ago, or more. And when +the county town lost its attraction for the Astleys, the +Dunstans, the Waverhams, how could it be supposed that the +Domvilles, the Bextons, and the Wildes would continue to go and +winter there in their second-rate houses, and with their +increased expenditure? So the grand old houses stood empty +awhile; and then speculators ventured to purchase, and to turn +the deserted mansions into many smaller dwellings, fitted for +professional men, or even (bend your ear lower, lest the shade of +Marmaduke, first Baron Waverham, hear) into shops! + +Even that was not so very bad, compared with the next innovation +on the old glories. The shopkeepers found out that the once +fashionable street was dark, and that the dingy light did not +show off their goods to advantage; the surgeon could not see to +draw his patients' teeth; the lawyer had to ring for candles an +hour earlier than he was accustomed to do when living in a more +plebeian street. In short, by mutual consent, the whole front of +one side of the street was pulled down, and rebuilt in the flat, +mean, unrelieved style of George the Third. The body of the +houses was too solidly grand to submit to alteration; so people +were occasionally surprised, after passing through a +commonplace-looking shop, to find themselves at the foot of a +grand carved oaken staircase, lighted by a window of stained +glass, storied all over with armorial bearings. Up such a +stair--past such a window (through which the moonlight fell on +her with a glory of many colours)--Ruth Hilton passed wearily one +January night, now many years ago. I call it night; but, strictly +speaking, it was morning. Two o'clock in the morning chimed forth +the old bells of St. Saviour's. And yet, more than a dozen girls +still sat in the room into which Ruth entered, stitching away as +if for very life, not daring to gape, or show any outward +manifestation of sleepiness. They only sighed a little when Ruth +told Mrs. Mason the hour of the night, as the result of her +errand; for they knew that, stay up as late as they might, the +work-hours of the next day must begin at eight, and their young +limbs were very weary. + +Mrs. Mason worked away as hard as any of them; but she was older +and tougher; and, besides, the gains were hers. But even she +perceived that some rest was needed. "Young ladies! there will be +an interval allowed of half-an-hour. Ring the bell, Miss Sutton. +Martha shall bring you up some bread, and cheese, and beer. You +will be so good as to eat it standing--away from the dresses--and +to have your hands washed ready for work when I return. In +half-an-hour," said she once more, very distinctly; and then she +left the room. + +It was curious to watch the young girls as they instantaneously +availed themselves of Mrs. Mason's absence. One fat, particularly +heavy-looking damsel laid her head on her folded arms and was +asleep in a moment; refusing to be wakened for her share in the +frugal supper, but springing up with a frightened look at the +sound of Mrs. Mason's returning footstep, even while it was still +far off on the echoing stairs. Two or three others huddled over +the scanty fireplace, which, with every possible economy of +space, and no attempt whatever at anything of grace or ornament, +was inserted in the slight, flat-looking wall, that had been run +up by the present owner of the property to portion off this +division of the grand old drawing-room of the mansion. Some +employed the time in eating their bread and cheese, with as +measured and incessant a motion of the jaws (and almost as +stupidly placid an expression of countenance), as you may see in +cows ruminating in the first meadow you happen to pass. + +Some held up admiringly the beautiful ball-dress in progress, +while others examined the effect, backing from the object to be +criticised in the true artistic manner. Others stretched +themselves into all sorts of postures to relieve the weary +muscles; one or two gave vent to all the yawns, coughs, and +sneezes that bad been pent up so long in the presence of Mrs. +Mason. But Ruth Hilton sprang to the large old window, and +pressed against it as a bird presses against the bars of its +cage. She put back the blind, and gazed into the quiet moonlight +night. It was doubly light--almost as much so as day--for +everything was covered with the deep snow which had been falling +silently ever since the evening before. The window was in a +square recess; the old strange little panes of glass had been +replaced by those which gave more light. A little distance off, +the feathery branches of a larch waved softly to and fro in the +scarcely perceptible night-breeze. Poor old larch! the time had +been when it had stood in a pleasant lawn, with the tender grass +creeping caressingly up its very trunk; but now the lawn was +divided into yards and squalid back premises, and the larch was +pent up and girded about with flagstones. The snow lay thick on +its boughs, and now and then fell noiselessly down. The old +stables had been added to, and altered into a dismal street of +mean-looking houses, back to back with the ancient mansions. And +over all these changes from grandeur to squalor, bent down the +purple heavens with their unchanging splendour! + +Ruth pressed her hot forehead against the cold glass, and +strained her aching eyes in gazing out on the lovely sky of a +winter's night. The impulse was strong upon her to snatch up a +shawl, and, wrapping it round her head, to sally forth and enjoy +the glory; and time was when that impulse would have been +instantly followed; but now, Ruth's eyes filled with tears, and +she stood quite still dreaming of the days that were gone. Some +one touched her shoulder while her thoughts were far away, +remembering past January nights, which had resembled this, and +were yet so different. + +"Ruth, love," whispered a girl, who had unwillingly distinguished +herself by a long hard fit of coughing, "come and have some +supper. You don't know yet how it helps one through the night." + +"One run--one blow of the fresh air would do me more good," said +Ruth. + +"Not such a night as this," replied the other, shivering at the +very thought. + +"And why not such a night as this, Jenny?" answered Ruth. "Oh! at +home I have many a time run up the lane all the way to the mill, +just to see the icicles hang on the great wheel; and, when I was +once out, I could hardly find in my heart to come in, even to +mother, sitting by the fire;--even to mother," she added, in a +low, melancholy tone, which had something of inexpressible +sadness in it. "Why, Jenny!" said she, rousing herself, but not +before her eyes were swimming in tears, "own, now, that you never +saw those dismal, hateful, tumble-down old houses there look half +so--what shall I call them? almost beautiful--as they do now, +with that soft, pure, exquisite covering; and if they are so +improved, think of what trees, and grass, and ivy must be on such +a night as this." + +Jenny could not be persuaded into admiring the winter's night, +which to her came only as a cold and dismal time, when her cough +was more troublesome, and the pain in her side worse than usual. +But she put her arm round Ruth's neck, and stood by her, glad +that the orphan apprentice, who was not yet inured to the +hardship of a dressmaker's workroom, should find so much to give +her pleasure in such a common occurrence as a frosty night. + +They remained deep in separate trains of thought till Mrs. +Mason's step was heard, when each returned supperless, but +refreshed, to her seat. + +Ruth's place was the coldest and the darkest in the room, +although she liked it the best; she had instinctively chosen it +for the sake of the wall opposite to her, on which was a remnant +of the beauty of the old drawing-room, which must once have been +magnificent, to judge from the faded specimen left. It was +divided into panels of pale sea-green, picked out with white and +gold; and on these panels were painted--were thrown with the +careless, triumphant hand of a master--the most lovely wreaths of +flowers, profuse and luxuriant beyond description, and so +real-looking, that you could almost fancy you smelt their +fragrance, and heard the south wind go softly rustling in and out +among the crimson roses--the branches of purple and white +lilac--the floating golden-tressed laburnum boughs. Besides +these, there were stately white lilies, sacred to the +Virgin--hollyhocks, fraxinella, monk's-hood, pansies, primroses; +every flower which blooms profusely in charming old-fashioned +country gardens was there, depicted among its graceful foliage, +but not in the wild disorder in which I have enumerated them. At +the bottom of the panel lay a holly branch, whose stiff +straightness was ornamented by a twining drapery of English ivy, +and mistletoe, and winter aconite; while down either side hung +pendent garlands of spring and autumn flowers; and, crowning all, +came gorgeous summer with the sweet musk-roses, and the +rich-coloured flowers of June and July. + +Surely Monnoyer, or whoever the dead-and-gone artist might be, +would have been gratified to know the pleasure his handiwork, +even in its wane, had power to give to the heavy heart of a young +girl; for they conjured up visions of other sister-flowers that +grew, and blossomed, and withered away in her early home. Mrs. +Mason was particularly desirous that her workwomen should exert +themselves to-night, for, on the next, the annual hunt-ball was +to take place. It was the one gaiety of the town since the +assize-balls had been discontinued. Many were the dresses she had +promised should be sent home "without fail" the next morning; she +had not let one slip through her fingers, for fear, if it did, it +might fall into the hands of the rival dressmaker, who had just +established herself in the very same street. + +She determined to administer a gentle stimulant to the flagging +spirits, and with a little preliminary cough to attract +attention, she began-- + +"I may as well inform you, young ladies, that I have been +requested this year, as on previous occasions, to allow some of +my young people to attend in the antechamber of the assembly-room +with sandal ribbon, pins, and such little matters, and to be +ready to repair any accidental injury to the ladies' dresses. I +shall send four--of the most diligent." She laid a marked +emphasis on the last words, but without much effect; they were +too sleepy to care for any of the pomps and vanities, or, indeed, +for any of the comforts of this world, excepting one sole +thing--their beds. + +Mrs. Mason was a very worthy woman, but, like many other worthy +women, she had her foibles; and one (very natural to her calling) +was to pay an extreme regard to appearances. Accordingly, she had +already selected in her own mind the four girls who were most +likely to do credit to the "establishment;" and these were +secretly determined upon, although it was very well to promise +the reward to the most diligent. She was really not aware of the +falseness of this conduct; being an adept in that species of +sophistry with which people persuade themselves that what they +wish to do is right. + +At last there was no resisting the evidence of weariness. They +were told to go to bed; but even that welcome command was +languidly obeyed. Slowly they folded up their work, heavily they +moved about, until at length all was put away, and they trooped +up the wide, dark staircase. + +"Oh! how shall I get through five years of these terrible nights! +in that close room! and in that oppressive stillness! which lets +every sound of the thread be heard as it goes eternally backwards +and forwards," sobbed out Ruth, as she threw herself on her bed, +without even undressing herself. + +"Nay, Ruth, you know it won't be always as it has been to-night. +We often get to bed by ten o'clock, and by-and-by you won't mind +the closeness of the room. You're worn-out to-night, or you would +not have minded the sound of the needle; I never hear it. Come, +let me unfasten you," said Jenny. + +"What is the use of undressing? We must be up again and at work +in three hours." + +"And in those three hours you may get a great deal of rest, if +you will but undress yourself and fairly go to bed. Come, love." + +Jenny's advice was not resisted; but before Ruth went to sleep +she said-- + +"Oh! I wish I was not so cross and impatient. I don't think I +used to be." + +"No, I am sure not. Most new girls get impatient at first; but it +goes off, and they don't care much for anything after a while. +Poor child! she's asleep already," said Jenny to herself. + +She could not sleep or rest. The tightness at her side was worse +than usual. She almost thought she ought to mention it in her +letters home; but then she remembered the premium her father had +struggled hard to pay, and the large family, younger than +herself, that had to be cared for, and she determined to bear on, +and trust that, when the warm weather came, both the pain and the +cough would go away. She would be prudent about herself. + +What was the matter with Ruth? She was crying in her sleep as if +her heart would break. Such agitated slumber could be no rest; so +Jenny wakened her. + +"Ruth! Ruth!" + +"Oh, Jenny!" said Ruth, sitting up in bed, and pushing back the +masses of hair that were heating her forehead, "I thought I saw +mamma by the side of the bed, coming as she used to do, to see if +I were asleep and comfortable; and when I tried to take hold of +her, she went away and left me alone--I don't know where; so +strange!" + +"It was only a dream; you know you'd been talking about her to +me, and you're feverish with sitting up late. Go to sleep again, +and I'll watch, and waken you if you seem uneasy." + +"But you'll be so tired. Oh, dear! dear!" Ruth was asleep again, +even while she sighed. + +Morning came, and though their rest had been short, the girls +arose refreshed. + +"Miss Sutton, Miss Jennings, Miss Booth, and Miss Hilton, you +will see that you are ready to accompany me to the shire-hall by +eight o'clock." + +One or two of the girls looked astonished, but the majority, +having anticipated the selection, and knowing from experience the +unexpressed rule by which it was made, received it with the +sullen indifference which had become their feeling with regard to +most events--a deadened sense of life, consequent upon their +unnatural mode of existence, their sedentary days, and their +frequent nights of late watching. + +But to Ruth it was inexplicable. She had yawned, and loitered, +and looked off at the beautiful panel, and lost herself in +thoughts of home, until she fully expected the reprimand which at +any other time she would have been sure to receive, and now, to +her surprise, she was singled out as one of the most diligent! + +Much as she longed for the delight of seeing the noble +shire-hall--the boast of the county--and of catching glimpses of +the dancers, and hearing the band; much as she longed for some +variety to the dull, monotonous life she was leading, she could +not feel happy to accept a privilege, granted, as she believed, +in ignorance of the real state of the case; so she startled her +companions by rising abruptly and going up to Mrs. Mason, who was +finishing a dress which ought to have been sent home two hours +before-- + +"If you please, Mrs. Mason, I was not one of the most diligent; I +am afraid--I believe--I was not diligent at all. I was very +tired; and I could not help thinking, and, when I think, I can't +attend to my work." She stopped, believing she had sufficiently +explained her meaning; but Mrs. Mason would not understand, and +did not wish for any further elucidation. + +"Well, my dear, you must learn to think and work, too; or, if you +can't do both, you must leave off thinking. Your guardian, you +know, expects you to make great progress in your business, and I +am sure you won't disappoint him." + +But that was not to the point. Ruth stood still an instant, +although Mrs. Mason resumed her employment in a manner which any +one but a "new girl" would have known to be intelligible enough, +that she did not wish for any more conversation just then. + +"But as I was not diligent I ought not to go, ma'am. Miss Wood +was far more industrious than I, and many of the others." + +"Tiresome girl!" muttered Mrs. Mason; "I've half a mind to keep +her at home for plaguing me so." But, looking up, she was struck +afresh with the remarkable beauty which Ruth possessed; such a +credit to the house, with her waving outline of figure, her +striking face, with dark eyebrows and dark lashes, combined with +auburn hair and a fair complexion. No! diligent or idle, Ruth +Hilton must appear to-night. + +"Miss Hilton," said Mrs. Mason, with stiff dignity "I am not +accustomed (as these young ladies can tell you) to have my +decisions questioned. What I say, I mean; and I have my reasons. +So sit down, if you please, and take care and be ready by eight. +Not a word more," as she fancied she saw Ruth again about to +speak. + +"Jenny, you ought to have gone, not me," said Ruth, in no low +voice to Miss Wood, as she sat down by her. + +"Hush! Ruth. I could not go if I might, because of my cough. I +would rather give it up to you than any one if it were mine to +give. And suppose it is, then take the pleasure as my present, +and tell me every bit about it when you come home to-night." + +"Well! I shall take it in that way, and not as if I'd earned it, +which I haven't. So thank you. You can't think how I shall enjoy +it now. I did work diligently for five minutes last night, after +I heard of it; I wanted to go so much. But I could not keep it +up. Oh, dear! and I shall really hear a band! and see the inside +of that beautiful shire-hall!" + + +CHAPTER II + + +BUTH GOES TO THE SHIRE-HALL + +In due time that evening, Mrs. Mason collected her "young ladies" +for an inspection of their appearance before proceeding to the +shire-hall. Her eager, important, hurried manner of summoning +them was not unlike that of a hen clucking her chickens together; +and, to judge from the close investigation they had to undergo, +it might have been thought that their part in the evening's +performance was to be far more important than that of temporary +ladies'-maids. + +"Is that your best frock, Miss Hilton?" asked Mrs. Mason, in a +half-dissatisfied tone, turning Ruth about; for it was only her +Sunday black silk, and was somewhat worn and shabby. + +"Yes, ma'am," answered Ruth quietly. + +"Oh! indeed. Then it will do" (still the half-satisfied tone). +"Dress, young ladies, you know, is a very secondary +consideration. Conduct is everything. Still, Miss Hilton, I think +you should write and ask your guardian to send you some money for +another gown. I am sorry I did not think of it before. + +"I do not think he would send any if I wrote," answered Ruth, in +a low voice. + +"He was angry when I wanted a shawl, when the cold weather set +in." + +Mrs. Mason gave her a little push of dismissal, and Ruth fell +into the ranks by her friend, Miss Wood. + +"Never mind, Ruthie; you're prettier than any of them," said a +merry, good-natured girl, whose plainness excluded her from any +of the envy of rivalry. + +"Yes; I know I am pretty," said Ruth sadly; "but I am sorry I +have no better gown, for this is very shabby. I am ashamed of it +myself, and I can see Mrs. Mason is twice as much ashamed. I wish +I need not go. I did not know we should have to think about our +own dress at all, or I should not have wished to go." + +"Never mind, Ruth," said Jenny, "you've been looked at now, and +Mrs. Mason will soon be too busy to think about you and your +gown." + +"Did you hear Ruth Hilton say she knew she was pretty?" whispered +one girl to another, so loudly that Ruth caught the words. + +"I could not help knowing," answered she simply, "for many people +have told me so." + +At length these preliminaries were over, and they were walking +briskly through the frosty air; the free motion was so +inspiriting that Ruth almost danced along, and quite forgot all +about shabby gowns and grumbling guardians. The shire-hall was +even more striking than she had expected. The sides of the +staircase were painted with figures that showed ghostly in the +dim light, for only their faces looked out of the dark, dingy +canvas, with a strange fixed stare of expression. + +The young milliners had to arrange their wares on tables in the +ante-room, and make all ready before they could venture to peep +into the hall-room, where the musicians were already tuning their +instruments, and where one or two charwomen (strange contrast, +with their dirty, loose attire, and their incessant chatter, to +the grand echoes of the vaulted room!) were completing the +dusting of benches and chairs. + +They quitted the place as Ruth and her companions entered. They +had talked lightly and merrily in the ante-room, but now their +voices were hushed, awed by the old magnificence of the vast +apartment. It was so large that objects showed dim at the further +end, as through a mist. Full-length figures of county worthies +hung around, in all varieties of costume, from the days of +Holbein to the present time. The lofty roof was indistinct, for +the lamps were not fully lighted yet; while through the +richly-painted Gothic window at one end the moonbeams fell, +many-tinted, on the floor, and mocked with their vividness the +struggles of the artificial light to illuminate its little +sphere. + +High above sounded the musicians, fitfully trying some strain of +which they were not certain. Then they stopped playing, and +talked, and their voices sounded goblin-like in their dark +recess, where candles were carried about in an uncertain wavering +manner, reminding Ruth of the flickering zig-zag motion of the +will-o'-the-wisp. + +Suddenly the room sprang into the full blaze of light, and Ruth +felt less impressed with its appearance, and more willing to obey +Mrs. Mason's sharp summons to her wandering flock, than she had +been when it was dim and mysterious. They had presently enough to +do in rendering offices of assistance to the ladies who thronged +in, and whose voices drowned all the muffled sound of the band +Ruth had longed so much to hear. Still, if one pleasure was less, +another was greater than she had anticipated. + +"On condition" of such a number of little observances that Ruth +thought Mrs. Mason would never have ended enumerating them, they +were allowed during the dances to stand at a side-door and watch. +And what a beautiful sight it was! Floating away to that bounding +music--now far away, like garlands of fairies, now near, and +showing as lovely women, with every ornament of graceful +dress--the elite of the county danced on, little caring whose +eyes gazed and were dazzled. Outside all was cold, and +colourless, and uniform,--one coating of snow over all. But +inside it was warm, and glowing, and vivid; flowers scented the +air, and wreathed the head, and rested on the bosom, as if it +were midsummer. Bright colours flashed on the eye and were gone, +and succeeded by others as lovely in the rapid movement of the +dance. Smiles dimpled every face, and low tones of happiness +murmured indistinctly through the room in every pause of the +music. + +Ruth did not care to separate figures that formed a joyous and +brilliant whole; it was enough to gaze, and dream of the happy +smoothness of the lives in which such music, and such profusion +of flowers, of jewels, elegance of every description, and beauty +of all shapes and hues, were everyday things. She did not want to +know who the people were; although to hear a catalogue of names +seemed to be the great delight of most of her companions. + +In fact, the enumeration rather disturbed her; and, to avoid the +shock of too rapid a descent into the commonplace world of Miss +Smiths and Mr. Thomsons, she returned to her post in the +ante-room. There she stood, thinking or dreaming. She was +startled back to actual life by a voice close to her. One of the +dancing young ladies had met with a misfortune. Her dress, of +some gossamer material, had been looped up by nosegays of +flowers, and one of these had fallen off in the dance, leaving +her gown to trail. To repair this, she had begged her partner to +bring her to the room where the assistants should have been. None +were there but Ruth. + +"Shall I leave you?" asked the gentleman. "Is my absence +necessary?" + +"Oh, no!" replied the lady; "a few stitches will set all to +rights. Besides, I dare not enter that room by myself." So far +she spoke sweetly and prettily. But now she addressed Ruth. "Make +haste--don't keep me an hour!" And her voice became cold and +authoritative. + +She was very pretty, with long dark ringlets and sparkling black +eyes. These had struck Ruth in the hasty glance she had taken, +before she knelt down to her task. She also saw that the +gentleman was young and elegant. + +"Oh, that lovely galop! how I long to dance to it! Will it never +be done? What a frightful time you are taking; and I'm dying to +return in time for this galop!" By way of showing a pretty, +childlike impatience, she began to beat time with her feet to the +spirited air the band was playing. Ruth could not darn the rent +in her dress with this continual motion, and she looked up to +remonstrate. As she threw her head back for this purpose, she +caught the eye of the gentleman who was standing by; it was so +expressive of amusement at the airs and graces of his pretty +partner, that Ruth was infected by the feeling, and had to bend +her face down to conceal the smile that mantled there. But not +before he had seen it; and not before his attention had been +thereby drawn to consider the kneeling figure, that, habited in +black up to the throat, with the noble head bent down to the +occupation in which she was engaged, formed such a contrast to +the flippant, bright, artificial girl, who sat to be served with +an air as haughty as a queen on her throne. + +"Oh, Mr. Bellingham! I'm ashamed to detain you so long. I had no +idea any one could have spent so much time over a little tear. No +wonder Mrs. Mason charges so much for dressmaking, if her +workwomen are so slow." + +It was meant to be witty, but Mr. Bellingham looked grave. He saw +the scarlet colour of annoyance flush to that beautiful cheek, +which was partially presented to him. He took a candle from the +table, and held it so that Ruth had more light. She did not look +up to thank him, for she felt ashamed that he should have seen +the smile which she had caught from him. + +"I am sorry I have been so long, ma'am," said she gently, as she +finished her work; "I was afraid it might tear out again if I did +not do it carefully." She rose. + +"I would rather have had it torn than have missed that charming +galop," said the young lady, shaking out her dress as a bird +shakes its plumage. "Shall we go, Mr. Bellingham?" looking up at +him. + +He was surprised that she gave no word or sign of thanks to the +assistant. He took up a camellia that some one had left on the +table. + +"Allow me, Miss Duncombe, to give this, in your name, to this +young lady, as thanks for her dexterous help." + +"Oh, of course," said she. + +Ruth received the flower silently, but with a grave, modest +motion of her head. They had gone, and she was once more alone. +Presently her companions returned. + +"What was the matter with Miss Duncombe? Did she come here?" +asked they. + +"Only her lace dress was torn, and I mended it," answered Ruth +quickly. + +"Did Mr. Bellingham come with her?--they say he's going to be +married to her. Did he come, Ruth?" + +"Yes," said Ruth, and relapsed into silence. + +Mr. Bellingham danced on gaily and merrily through the night, and +fitted with Miss Duncombe as he thought good. But he looked often +to the side-door where the milliner's apprentices stood; and once +he recognised the tall, slight figure, and the rich auburn hair +of the girl in black; and then his eye sought for the camellia. +It was there, snowy white in her bosom. And he danced on more +gaily than ever. + +The cold grey dawn was drearily lighting up the streets when Mrs. +Mason and her company returned home. The lamps were extinguished, +yet the shutters of the shops and dwelling-houses were not +opened. All sounds had an echo unheard by day. One or two +houseless beggars sat on doorsteps, and shivering, slept with +heads bowed on their knees, or resting against the cold hard +support afforded by the wall. + +Ruth felt as if a dream had melted away, and she were once more +in the actual world. How long it would be, even in the most +favourable chance, before she should again enter the shire-hall, +or hear a band of music, or even see again those bright, happy +people--as much without any semblance of care or woe as if they +belonged to another race of beings! Had they ever to deny +themselves a wish, much less a want? Literally and figuratively +their lives seemed to wander through flowery pleasure-paths. Here +was cold, biting, mid-winter for her, and such as her--for those +poor beggars almost a season of death; but to Miss Duncombe and +her companions, a happy, merry time--when flowers still bloomed, +and fires crackled, and comforts and luxuries were piled around +them like fairy gifts. What did they know of the meaning of the +word, so terrific to the poor? What was winter to them? But Ruth +fancied that Mr. Bellingham looked as if he could understand the +feelings of those removed from him by circumstance and station. +He had drawn up the windows of his carriage, it is true, with a +shudder. + +Ruth, then, had been watching him. + +Yet she had no idea that any association made her camellia +precious to her. She believed it was solely on account of its +exquisite beauty that she tended it so carefully. She told Jenny +every particular of its presentation, with open, straight-looking +eye, and without the deepening of a shade of colour. + +"Was it not kind of him? You can't think how nicely he did it, +just when I was a little bit mortified by her ungracious ways." + +"It was very nice, indeed," replied Jenny. "Such a beautiful +flower! I wish it had some scent." + +"I wish it to be exactly as it is--it is perfect. So pure!" said +Ruth, almost clasping her treasure as she placed it in water. +"Who is Mr. Bellingham?" + +"He is son to that Mrs. Bellingham of the Priory, for whom we +made the grey satin pelisse," answered Jenny sleepily. + +"That was before my time," said Ruth. But there was no answer. +Jenny was asleep. + +It was long before Ruth followed her example. Even on a winter +day, it was clear morning light that fell upon her face as she +smiled in her slumber. Jenny would not waken her, but watched her +face with admiration; it was So lovely in its happiness. + +"She is dreaming of last night," thought Jenny. + +It was true she was; but one figure flitted more than all the +rest through her visions. He presented flower after flower to her +in that baseless morning dream, which was all too quickly ended. +The night before she had seen her dead mother in her sleep, and +she wakened weeping. And now she dreamed of Mr. Bellingham, and +smiled. + +And yet, was this a more evil dream than the other? + +The realities of life seemed to cut more sharply against her +heart than usual that morning. The late hours of the preceding +nights, and perhaps the excitement of the evening before, had +indisposed her to bear calmly the rubs and crosses which beset +all Mrs. Mason's young ladies at times. + +For Mrs. Mason, though the first dressmaker in the county, was +human after all; and suffered, like her apprentices, from the +same causes that affected them. This morning she was disposed to +find fault with everything, and everybody. She seemed to have +risen with the determination of putting the world and all that it +contained (her world, at least) to rights before night; and +abuses and negligences, which had long passed unreproved, or +winked at, were to-day to be dragged to light, and sharply +reprimanded. Nothing less than perfection would satisfy Mrs. +Mason at such times. + +She had her ideas of justice, too; but they were not divinely +beautiful and true ideas; they were something more resembling a +grocer's or tea-dealer's ideas of equal right. A little +over-indulgence last night was to be balanced by a good deal of +over-severity to-day; and this manner of rectifying previous +errors fully satisfied her conscience. + +Ruth was not inclined for, or capable of, much extra exertion; +and it would have tasked all her powers to have pleased her +superior. The work-room seemed filled with sharp calls. "Miss +Hilton! where have you put the blue Persian? Whenever things are +mislaid, I know it has been Miss Hilton's evening for siding +away!" + +"Miss Hilton was going out last night, so I offered to clear the +work-room for her. I will find it directly, ma'am," answered one +of the girls. + +"Oh, I am well aware of Miss Hilton's custom of shuffling off her +duties upon any one who can be induced to relieve her," replied +Mrs. Mason. + +Ruth reddened, and tears sprang to her eyes; but she was so +conscious of the falsity of the accusation, that she rebuked +herself for being moved by it, and, raising her head, gave a +proud look round, as if in appeal to her companions. + +"Where is the skirt of Lady Farnham's dress? The flounces not put +on! I am surprised! May I ask to whom this work was entrusted +yesterday?" inquired Mrs. Mason, fixing her eyes on Ruth. + +"I was to have done it, but I made a mistake, and had to undo it. +I am very sorry." + +"I might have guessed, certainly. There is little difficulty, to +be sure, in discovering, when work has been neglected or spoilt, +into whose hands it has fallen." + +Such were the speeches which fell to Ruth's share on this day of +all days, when she was least fitted to bear them with equanimity. + +In the afternoon it was necessary for Mrs Mason to go a few miles +into the country. She left injunctions, and orders, and +directions, and prohibitions without end; but at last she was +gone, and, in the relief of her absence, Ruth laid her arms on +the table, and, burying her head, began to cry aloud, with weak, +unchecked sobs. + +"Don't cry, Miss Hilton,"--"Ruthie, never mind the old +dragon,"--"How will you bear on for five years, if you don't +spirit yourself up not to care a straw for what she says?"--were +some of the modes of comfort and sympathy administered by the +young workwomen. + +Jenny, with a wiser insight into the grievance and its remedy, +said-- + +"Suppose Ruth goes out instead of you, Fanny Barton, to do the +errands. The fresh air will do her good; and you know you dislike +the cold east winds, while Ruth says she enjoys frost and snow, +and all kinds of shivery weather." + +Fanny Barton was a great sleepy-looking girl, huddling over the +fire. No one so willing as she to relinquish the walk on this +bleak afternoon, when the east wind blew keenly down the street, +drying up the very snow itself. There was no temptation to come +abroad, for those who were not absolutely obliged to leave their +warm rooms; indeed, the dusk hour showed that it was the usual +tea-time for the humble inhabitants of that part of the town +through which Ruth had to pass on her shopping expedition. As she +came to the high ground just above the river, where the street +sloped rapidly down to the bridge, she saw the flat country +beyond all covered with snow, making the black dome of the +cloud-laden sky appear yet blacker; as if the winter's night had +never fairly gone away, but had hovered on the edge of the world +all through the short bleak day. Down by the bridge (where there +was a little shelving bank, used as a landing-place for any +pleasure-boats that could float on that shallow stream) some +children were playing, and defying the cold; one of them had got +a large washing-tub, and with the use of a broken oar kept +steering and pushing himself hither and thither in the little +creek, much to the admiration of his companions, who stood +gravely looking on, immovable in their attentive observation of +the hero, although their faces were blue with cold, and their +hands crammed deep into their pockets with some faint hope of +finding warmth there. Perhaps they feared that, if they unpacked +themselves from their lumpy attitudes and began to move about, +the cruel wind would find its way into every cranny of their +tattered dress. They were all huddled up, and still; with eyes +intent on the embryo sailor. At last, one little man, envious of +the reputation that his playfellow was acquiring by his daring, +called out-- + +"I'll set thee a craddy, Tom! Thou dar'n't go over yon black line +in the water, out into the real river." + +Of course the challenge was not to be refused; and Tom paddled +away towards the dark line, beyond which the river swept with +smooth, steady current. Ruth (a child in years herself) stood at +the top of the declivity watching the adventurer, but as +unconscious of any danger as the group of children below. At +their playfellow's success, they broke through the calm gravity +of observation into boisterous marks of applause, clapping their +hands, and stamping their impatient little feet, and shouting, +"Well done, Tom; thou hast done it rarely!" + +Tom stood in childish dignity for a moment, facing his admirers; +then, in an instant, his washing-tub boat was whirled round, and +he lost his balance, and fell out; and both he and his boat were +carried away slowly, but surely, by the strong full river which +eternally moved onwards to the sea. + +The children shrieked aloud with terror; and Ruth flew down to +the little bay, and far into its shallow waters, before she felt +how useless such an action was, and that the sensible plan would +have been to seek for efficient help. Hardly had this thought +struck her, when, louder and sharper than the sullen roar of the +stream that was ceaselessly and unrelentingly flowing on, came +the splash of a horse galloping through the water in which she +was standing. Past her like lightning--down in the stream, +swimming along with the current--a stooping rider--an +outstretched grasping arm--a little life redeemed, and a child +saved to those who loved it! Ruth stood dizzy and sick with +emotion while all this took place; and when the rider turned the +swimming horse, and slowly breasted up the river to the +landing-place, she recognised him as the Mr. Bellingham of the +night before. He carried the unconscious child across his horse, +the body hung in so lifeless a manner that Ruth believed it was +dead; and her eyes were suddenly blinded with tears. She waded +back to the beach, to the point towards which Mr. Bellingham was +directing his horse. + +"Is he dead?" asked she, stretching out her arms to receive the +little fellow; for she instinctively felt that the position in +which he hung was not the most conducive to returning +consciousness, if indeed it would ever return. + +"I think not," answered Mr. Bellingham, as he gave the child to +her, before springing off his horse. "Is he your brother? Do you +know who he is?" + +"Look!" said Ruth, who had sat down upon the ground, the better +to prop the poor lad, "his hand twitches! he lives; oh, sir, he +lives! Whose boy is he?" (to the people, who came hurrying and +gathering to the spot at the rumour of an accident). + +"He's old Nelly Brownson's," said they. "Her grandson." + +"We must take him into a house directly," said she. "Is his home +far off?" + +"No, no; it's just close by." + +"One of you go for a doctor at once," said Mr. Bellingham +authoritatively, "and bring him to the old woman's without delay. +You must not hold him any longer," he continued, speaking to +Ruth, and remembering her face now for the first time; "your +dress is dripping wet already. Here! you fellow, take him up, +d'ye see!" But the child's hand had nervously clenched Ruth's +dress, and she would not have him disturbed. She carried her +heavy burden very tenderly towards a mean little cottage +indicated by the neighhours; an old crippled woman was coming out +of the door, shaking all over with agitation. + +"Dear heart!" said she, "he's the last of 'em all, and he's gone +afore me." + +"Nonsense," said Mr. Bellingham, "the boy is alive, and likely to +live." + +But the old woman was helpless and hopeless, and insisted on +believing that her grandson was dead; and dead he would have been +if it had not been for Ruth, and one or two of the more sensible +neighbours, who, under Mr. Bellingham's directions, bustled +about, and did all that was necessary until animation was +restored. + +"What a confounded time those people are in fetching the doctor!" +said Mr. Bellingham to Ruth, between whom and himself a sort of +silent understanding had sprung up from the circumstance of their +having been the only two (besides mere children) who had +witnessed the accident, and also the only two to whom a certain +degree of cultivation had given the power of understanding each +other's thoughts and even each other's words. + +"It takes so much to knock an idea into such stupid people's +heads. They stood gaping and asking which doctor they were to go +for, as if it signified whether it was Brown or Smith, so long as +he had his wits about him. I have no more time to waste here, +either; I was on the gallop when I caught sight of the lad; and, +now he has fairly sobbed and opened his eyes, I see no use in my +staying in this stifling atmosphere. May I trouble you with one +thing? Will you be so good as to see that the little fellow has +all that he wants? If you'll allow me, I'll leave you my purse," +continued he, giving it to Ruth, who was only too glad to have +this power entrusted to her of procuring one or two requisites +which she had perceived to be wanted. But she saw some gold +between the network; she did not like the charge of such riches. + +"I shall not want so much, really, sir. One sovereign will be +plenty--more than enough. May I take that out, and I will give +you back what is left of it when I see you again? or, perhaps, I +had better send it to you, sir. + +"I think you had better keep it all at present. Oh, what a horrid +dirty place this is insufferable two minutes longer. You must not +stay here; you'll be poisoned with this abominable air. Come +towards the door, I beg. Well, if you think one sovereign will he +enough, I will take my purse; only, remember you apply to me if +you think they want more." + +They were standing at the door, where some one was holding Mr. +Bellingham's horse. Ruth was looking at him with her earnest eyes +(Mrs. Mason and her errands quite forgotten in the interest of +the afternoon's event), her whole thoughts bent upon rightly +understanding and following out his wishes for the little boy's +welfare; and until now this had been the first object in his own +mind. But at this moment the strong perception of Ruth's +exceeding beauty came again upon him. He almost lost the sense of +what he was saying, he was so startled with admiration. The night +before, he had not seen her eyes; and now they looked straight +and innocently full at him, grave, earnest, and deep. But when +she instinctively read the change in the expression of his +countenance, she dropped her large white veiling lids; and he +thought her face was lovelier still. The irresistible impulse +seized him to arrange matters, so that he might see her again +before long. + +"No!" said he. "I see it would he better that you should keep the +purse. Many things may be wanted for the lad which we cannot +calculate upon now. If I remember rightly, there are three +sovereigns and some loose change; I shall, perhaps, see you again +in a few days, when, if there he any money left in the purse, you +can restore it to me." + +"Oh, yes, sir," said Ruth, alive to the magnitude of the wants to +which she might have to administer, and yet rather afraid of the +responsibility implied in the possession of so much money. + +"Is there any chance of my meeting you again in this house?" +asked he. + +"I hope to come whenever I can, sir; but I must run in +errand-times, and I don't know when my turn may be." + +"Oh"--he did not fully understand this answer--"I should like to +know how you think the boy is going on, if it is not giving you +too much trouble; do you ever take walks?" + +"Not for walking's sake, sir." + +"Well," said he, "you go to church, I suppose? Mrs. Mason does +not keep you at work on Sundays; I trust?" + +"Oh, no, sir. I go to church regularly." + +"Then, perhaps, you will be so good as to tell me what church you +go to, and I will meet you there next Sunday afternoon?" + +"I go to St. Nicholas', sir. I will take care and bring you word +how the boy is, and what doctor they get; and I will keep an +account of the money I spend." + +"Very well, thank you. Remember, I trust to you." + +He meant that he relied on her promise to meet him; but Ruth +thought that he was referring to the responsibility of doing the +best she could for the child. He was going away, when a fresh +thought struck him, and he turned back into the cottage once +more, and addressed Ruth, with a half smile on his +countenance---- + +"It seems rather strange, but we have no one to introduce us; my +name is Bellingham--yours is"-- + +"Ruth Hilton, sir," she answered, in a low voice, for, now that +the conversation no longer related to the boy, she felt shy and +restrained. + +He held out his hand to shake hers; and, just as she gave it to +him, the old grandmother came tottering up to ask some question. +The interruption jarred upon him, and made him once more keenly +alive to the closeness of the air, and the squalor and dirt by +which he was surrounded. + +"My good woman," said he to Nelly Brownson, "could you not keep +your place a little neater and cleaner? It is more fit for pigs +than human beings. The air in this room is quite offensive, and +the dirt and filth is really disgraceful." By this time he was +mounted, and, bowing to Ruth, he rode away. + +Then the old woman's wrath broke out. + +"Who may you be, that knows no better manners than to come into a +poor woman's house to abuse it?--fit for pigs, indeed! What d'ye +call yon fellow?" + +"He is Mr. Bellingham," said Ruth, shocked at the old woman's +apparent ingratitude. "It was he that rode into the water to save +your grandson. He would have been drowned but for Mr. Bellingham. +I thought once they would both have been swept away by the +current, it was so strong." + +"The river is none so deep, either," the old woman said, anxious +to diminish as much as possible the obligation she was under to +one who had offended her. "Some one else would have saved him, if +this fine young spark had never been here. He's an orphan, and +God watches over orphans, they say. I'd rather it had been any +one else as had picked him out, than one who comes into a poor +body's house only to abuse it." + +"He did not come in only to abuse it," said Ruth gently. "He came +with little Tom; he only said it was not quite so clean as it +might be." + +"What! you're taking up the cry, are you? Wait till you are an +old woman like me, crippled with rheumatiz, and a lad to see +after like Tom, who is always in mud when he isn't in water; and +his food and mine to scrape together (God knows we're often +short, and do the best I can), and water to fetch up that steep +brow." + +She stopped to cough; and Ruth judiciously changed the subject, +and began to consult the old woman as to the wants of her +grandson, in which consultation they were soon assisted by the +medical man. + +When Ruth had made one or two arrangements with a neighbour whom +she asked to procure the most necessary things, and had heard +from the doctor that all would be right in a day or two, she +began to quake at the recollection of the length of time she had +spent at Nelly Brownson's, and to remember, with some affright, +the strict watch kept by Mrs. Mason over her apprentices' +out-goings and in-comings on working-days. She hurried off to the +shops, and tried to recall her wandering thoughts to the +respective merits of pink and blue as a match to lilac, found she +had lost her patterns, and went home with ill-chosen things, and +in a fit of despair at her own stupidity. + +The truth was, that the afternoon's adventure filled her mind; +only the figure of Tom (who was now safe and likely to do well) +was receding into the background, and that of Mr. Bellingham +becoming more prominent than it had been. His spirited and +natural action of galloping into the water to save the child, was +magnified by Ruth into the most heroic deed of daring; his +interest about the boy was tender, thoughtful benevolence in her +eyes, and his careless liberality of money was fine generosity; +for she forgot that generosity implies some degree of +self-denial. She was gratified, too, by the power of dispensing +comfort he had entrusted to her, and was busy with Alnaschar +visions of wise expenditure, when the necessity of opening Mrs. +Mason's house-door summoned her back into actual present life, +and the dread of an immediate scolding. + +For this time, however, she was spared; but spared for such a +reason that she would have been thankful for some blame in +preference to her impunity. During her absence, Jenny's +difficulty of breathing had suddenly become worse, and the girls +had, on their own responsibility, put her to bed, and were +standing round her in dismay, when Mrs. Mason's return home (only +a few minutes before Ruth arrived) fluttered them back into the +workroom. + +And now all was confusion and hurry; a doctor to be sent for; a +mind to be unburdened of directions for a dress to a forewoman, +who was too ill to understand; scoldings to be scattered with no +illiberal hand amongst a group of frightened girls, hardly +sparing the poor invalid herself for her inopportune illness. In +the middle of all this turmoil Ruth crept quietly to her place, +with a heavy saddened heart at the indisposition of the gentle +forewoman. She would gladly have nursed Jenny herself, and often +longed to do it, but she could not be spared. Hands, unskilful in +fine and delicate work, would be well enough qualified to tend +the sick, until the mother arrived from home. Meanwhile, extra +diligence was required in the workroom; and Ruth found no +opportunity of going to see little Tom, or to fulfil the plans +for making him and his grandmother more comfortable, which she +had proposed to herself. She regretted her rash promise to Mr. +Bellingham, of attending to the little boy's welfare; all that +she could do was done by means of Mrs. Mason's servant, through +whom she made inquiries, and sent the necessary help. + +The subject of Jenny's illness was the prominent one in the +house. Ruth told of her own adventure, to be sure; but, when she +was at the very crisis of the boy's fall into the river, the more +fresh and vivid interest of some tidings of Jenny was brought +into the room, and Ruth ceased, almost blaming herself for caring +for anything besides the question of life or death to be decided +in that very house. + +Then a pale, gentle-looking woman was seen moving softly about; +and it was whispered that this was the mother come to nurse her +child. Everybody liked her, she was so sweet-looking, and gave so +little trouble, and seemed so patient, and so thankful, for any +inquiries about her daughter, whose illness it was understood, +although its severity was mitigated, was likely to be long and +tedious. While all the feelings and thoughts relating to Jenny +were predominant, Sunday arrived. Mrs. Mason went the accustomed +visit to her father's, making some little show of apology to Mrs. +Wood for leaving her and her daughter; the apprentices dispersed +to the various friends with whom they were in the habit of +spending the day; and Ruth went to St. Nicholas', with a +sorrowful heart, depressed on account of Jenny, and +self-reproachful at having rashly undertaken what she had been +unable to perform. + +As she came out of church she was joined by Mr. Bellingham. She +had half hoped that he might have forgotten the arrangement, and +yet she wished to relieve herself of her responsibility. She knew +his step behind her, and the contending feelings made her heart +beat hard, and she longed to run away. + +"Miss Hilton, I believe," said he, overtaking her, and bowing +forward, so as to catch a sight of her rose-red face. "How is our +little sailor going on? Well, I trust, from the symptoms the +other day." + +"I believe, sir, he is quite well now. I am very sorry, but I +have not been able to go and see him. I am so sorry--I could not +help it. But I have got one or two things through another person. +I have put them down on this slip of paper; and here is your +purse, sir, for I am afraid I can do nothing more for him. We +have illness in the house, and it makes us very busy." + +Ruth had been so much accustomed to blame of late, that she +almost anticipated some remonstrance or reproach now, for not +having fulfilled her promise better. She little guessed that Mr. +Bellingham was far more busy trying to devise some excuse for +meeting her again, during the silence that succeeded her speech, +than displeased with her for not bringing a more particular +account of the little boy, in whom he had ceased to feel any +interest. + +She repeated, after a minute's pause-- + +"I am very sorry I have done so little, sir." + +"Oh, yes, I am sure you have done all you could. It was +thoughtless in me to add to your engagements." + +"He is displeased with me," thought Ruth, "for what he believes +to have been neglect of the boy, whose life he risked his own to +save. If I told all, he would see that I could not do more; but I +cannot tell him all the sorrows and worries that have taken up my +time." + +"And yet I am tempted to give you another little commission, if +it is not taking up too much of your time, and presuming too much +on your good nature," said he, a bright idea having just struck +him. "Mrs. Mason lives in Heneage Place, does not she? My +mother's ancestors lived there; and once, when the house was +being repaired, she took me in to show me the old place. There +was an old hunting-piece painted on a panel over one of the +chimney-pieces; the figures were portraits of my ancestors. I +have often thought I should like to purchase it, if it still +remained there. Can you ascertain this for me, and bring me word +next Sunday?" + +"Oh, yes, sir," said Ruth, glad that this commission was +completely within her power to execute, and anxious to make up +for her previous seeming neglect. "I'll look directly I get home, +and ask Mrs. Mason to write and let you know." + +"Thank you," said he, only half satisfied; "I think, perhaps, +however, it might be as well not to trouble Mrs. Mason about it; +you see it would compromise me, and I am not quite determined to +purchase the picture; if you would ascertain whether the painting +is there, and tell me, I would take a little time to reflect, and +afterwards I could apply to Mrs. Mason myself." + +"Very well, sir; I will see about it." So they parted. + +Before the next Sunday Mrs. Wood had taken her daughter to her +distant home, to recruit in that quiet place. Ruth watched her +down the street from an upper window, and, sighing deep and long, +returned to the workroom, whence the warning voice and gentle +wisdom had departed. + + +CHAPTER III + + +SUNDAY AT MRS. MASON'S + +Mr. Bellingham attended afternoon service at St. Nicholas' church +the next Sunday. His thoughts had been far more occupied by Ruth +than hers by him, although his appearance upon the scene of her +life was more an event to her than it was to him. He was puzzled +by the impression she had produced on him, though he did not in +general analyse the nature of his feelings, but simply enjoyed +them with the delight which youth takes in experiencing new and +strong emotion. He was old compared to Ruth, but young as a man; +hardly three-and-twenty. The fact of his being an only child had +given him, as it does to many, a sort of inequality in those +parts of the character which are usually formed by the number of +years that a person has lived. + +The unevenness of discipline to which only children are +subjected; the thwarting, resulting from over-anxiety; the +indiscreet indulgence, arising from a love centred all in one +object--had been exaggerated in his education, probably from the +circumstance that his mother (his only surviving parent) had been +similarly situated to himself. + +He was already in possession of the comparatively small property +he inherited from his father. The estate on which his mother +lived was her own; and her income gave her the means of indulging +or controlling him, after he had grown to man's estate, as her +wayward disposition and her love of power prompted her. Had he +been double-dealing in his conduct towards her, had he +condescended to humour her in the least, her passionate love for +him would have induced her to strip herself of all her +possessions to add to his dignity or happiness. But although he +felt the warmest affection for her, the regardlessness which she +had taught him (by example, perhaps, more than by precept) of the +feelings of others, was continually prompting him to do things +that she, for the time being, resented as mortal affronts. He +would mimic the clergyman she specially esteemed, even to his +very face; he would refuse to visit her schools for months and +months; and, when wearied into going at last, revenge himself by +puzzling the children with the most ridiculous questions (gravely +put) that he could imagine. + +All these boyish tricks annoyed and irritated her far more than +the accounts which reached her of more serious misdoings at +college and in town. Of these grave offences she never spoke; of +the smaller misdeeds she hardly ever ceased speaking. + +Still, at times, she had great influence over him, and nothing +delighted her more than to exercise it. The submission of his +will to hers was sure to be liberally rewarded; for it gave her +great happiness to extort, from his indifference or his +affection, the concessions which she never sought by force of +reason, or by appeals to principle--concessions which he +frequently withheld, solely for the sake of asserting his +independence of her control. + +She was anxious for him to marry Miss Duncombe. He cared little +or nothing about it--it was time enough to be married ten years +hence; and so he was dawdling through some months of his +life--sometimes flirting with the nothing-loth Miss Duncombe, +sometimes plaguing, and sometimes delighting his mother, at all +times taking care to please himself--when he first saw Ruth +Hilton, and a new, passionate, hearty feeling shot through his +whole being. He did not know why he was so fascinated by her. She +was very beautiful, but he had seen many more ~agaceries~ +calculated to set off the effect of their charms. + +There was, perhaps, something bewitching in the union of the +grace and loveliness of womanhood with the naivete, simplicity, +and innocence of an intelligent child. There was a spell in the +shyness, which made her avoid and shun all admiring approaches to +acquaintance. It would be an exquisite delight to attract and +tame her wildness, just as he had often allured and tamed the +timid fawns in his mother's park. + +By no over-bold admiration, or rash, passionate word, would he +startle her; and, surely, in time she might be induced to look +upon him as a friend, if not something nearer and dearer still. + +In accordance with this determination, he resisted the strong +temptation of walking by her side the whole distance home after +church. He only received the intelligence she brought +respecting the panel with thanks, spoke a few words about the +weather, bowed, and was gone. Ruth believed she should never see +him again; and, in spite of sundry self-upbraidings for her +folly, she could not help feeling as if a shadow were drawn over +her existence for several days to come. + +Mrs. Mason was a widow, and had to struggle for the sake of the +six or seven children left dependent on her exertions; thus there +was some reason, and great excuse, for the pinching economy which +regulated her household affairs. On Sundays she chose to conclude +that all her apprentices had friends who would be glad to see +them to dinner, and give them a welcome reception for the +remainder of the day; while she, and those of her children who +were not at school, went to spend the day at her father's house, +several miles out of the town. Accordingly, no dinner was cooked +on Sundays for the young workwomen; no fires were lighted in any +rooms to which they had access. On this morning they breakfasted +in Mrs. Mason's own parlour, after which the room was closed +against them through the day by some understood, though unspoken +prohibition. + +What became of such as Ruth, who had no home and no friends in +that large, populous, desolate town? She had hitherto +commissioned the servant, who went to market on Saturdays for the +family, to buy her a bun or biscuit, whereon she made her fasting +dinner in the deserted workroom, sitting in her walking-dress to +keep off the cold, which clung to her in spite of shawl and +bonnet. Then she would sit at the window, looking out on the +dreary prospect till her eyes were often blinded by tears; and, +partly to shake off thoughts and recollections, the indulgence in +which she felt to be productive of no good, and partly to have +some ideas to dwell upon during the coming week beyond those +suggested by the constant view of the same room she would carry +her Bible, and place herself upon the window-seat on the wide +landing, which commanded the street in front of the house. From +thence she could see the irregular grandeur of the place; she +caught a view of the grey church-tower, rising hoary and massive +into mid-air; she saw one or two figures loiter along on the +sunny side of the street, in all the enjoyment of their fine +clothes and Sunday leisure; and she imagined histories for them, +and tried to picture to herself their homes and their daily +doings. + +And, before long, the bells swung heavily in the church-tower, +and struck out with musical clang the first summons to afternoon +church. + +After church was over, she used to return home to the same +window-seat, and watch till the winter twilight was over and +gone, and the stars came out over the black masses of houses. And +then she would steal down to ask for a candle, as a companion to +her in the deserted workroom. Occasionally the servant would +bring her up some tea; but of late Ruth had declined taking any, +as she had discovered she was robbing the kind-hearted creature +of part of the small provision left out for her by Mrs. Mason. +She sat on, hungry and cold, trying to read her Bible, and to +think the old holy thoughts which had been her childish +meditations at her mother's knee, until one after another the +apprentices returned, weary with their day's enjoyment and their +week's late watching; too weary to make her in any way a partaker +of their pleasure by entering into details of the manner in which +they had spent their day. + +And, last of all, Mrs. Mason returned; and, summoning her "young +people" once more into the parlour, she read a prayer before +dismissing them to bed. She always expected to find them all in +the house when she came home, but asked no questions as to their +proceedings through the day; perhaps because she dreaded to hear +that one or two had occasionally nowhere to go to, and that it +would be sometimes necessary to order a Sunday's dinner, and +leave a lighted fire on that day. + +For five months Ruth had been an inmate at Mrs. Mason's; and such +had been the regular order of the Sundays. While the forewoman +stayed there, it is true, she was ever ready to give Ruth the +little variety of hearing of recreations in which she was no +partaker; and, however tired Jenny might be at night, she had +ever some sympathy to bestow on Ruth for the dull length of day +she had passed. After her departure, the monotonous idleness of +the Sunday seemed worse to bear than the incessant labour of the +work-days; until the time came when it seemed to be a recognised +hope in her mind, that on Sunday afternoons she should see Mr. +Bellingham, and hear a few words from him as from a friend who +took an interest in her thoughts and proceedings during the past +week. + +Ruth's mother had been the daughter of a poor curate in Norfolk, +and, early left without parents or home, she was thankful to +marry a respectable farmer a good deal older than herself. After +their marriage, however, everything seemed to go wrong. Mrs. +Hilton fell into a delicate state of health, and was unable to +bestow the ever-watchful attention to domestic affairs so +requisite in a farmer's wife. Her husband had a series of +misfortunes--of a more important kind than the death of a whole +brood of turkeys from getting among the nettles, or the year of +bad cheeses spoilt by a careless dairymaid--which were the +consequences (so the neighbours said) of Mr. Hilton's mistake in +marrying a delicate fine lady. His crops failed; his horses died; +his barn took fire: in short, if he had been in any way a +remarkable character, one might have supposed him to be the +object of an avenging fate, so successive were the evils which +pursued him; but, as he was only a somewhat commonplace farmer, I +believe we must attribute his calamities to some want in his +character of the one quality required to act as keystone to many +excellences. While his wife lived, all worldly misfortunes seemed +as nothing to him; her strong sense and lively faculty of hope +upheld him from despair; her sympathy was always ready, and the +invalid's room had an atmosphere of peace and encouragement which +affected all who entered it. But when Ruth was about twelve, one +morning in the busy hay-time, Mrs. Hilton was left alone for some +hours. This had often happened before, nor had she seemed weaker +than usual when they had gone forth to the field; but on their +return, with merry voices, to fetch the dinner prepared for the +haymakers, they found an unusual silence brooding over the house; +no low voice called out gently to welcome them, and ask after the +day's progress; and, on entering the little parlour, which was +called Mrs. Hilton's, and was sacred to her, they found her lying +dead on her accustomed sofa. Quite calm and peaceful she lay; +there had been no struggle at last; the struggle was for the +survivors, and one sank under it. Her husband did not make much +ado at first--at least, not in outward show; her memory seemed to +keep in check all external violence of grief; but, day by day, +dating from his wife's death, his mental powers decreased. He was +still a hale-looking elderly man, and his bodily health appeared +as good as ever; but he sat for hours in his easy-chair, looking +into the fire, not moving, nor speaking, unless when it was +absolutely necessary to answer repeated questions. If Ruth, with +coaxings and draggings, induced him to come out with her, he went +with measured steps around his fields, his head bent to the +ground with the same abstracted, unseeing look; never +smiling--never changing the expression of his face, not even to +one of deeper sadness, when anything occurred which might be +supposed to remind him of his dead wife. But, in this abstraction +from all outward things, his worldly affairs went ever lower +down. He paid money away, or received it, as if it had been so +much water; the gold mines of Potosi could not have touched the +deep grief of his soul; but God in in His mercy knew the sure +balm, and sent the Beautiful Messenger to take the weary one +home. + +After his death, the creditors were the chief people who appeared +to take any interest in the affairs; and it seemed strange to +Ruth to see people, whom she scarcely knew, examining and +touching all that she had been accustomed to consider as precious +and sacred. Her father had made his will at her birth. With the +pride of newly and late-acquired paternity, he had considered the +office of guardian to his little darling as one which would have +been an additional honour to the lord-lieutenant of the county; +but as he had not the pleasure of his lordship's acquaintance, he +selected the person of most consequence amongst those whom he did +know; not any very ambitious appointment in those days of +comparative prosperity; but certainly the flourishing maltster of +Skelton was a little surprised, when, fifteen years later, he +learnt that he was executor to a will bequeathing many vanished +hundreds of pounds, and guardian to a young girl whom he could +not remember ever to have seen. + +He was a sensible, hard-headed man of the world; having a very +fair proportion of conscience as consciences go; indeed, perhaps +more than many people; for he had some ideas of duty extending to +the circle beyond his own family, and did not, as some would have +done, decline acting altogether, but speedily summoned the +creditors, examined into the accounts, sold up the farming-stock, +and discharged all the debts; paid about L 80 into the Skelton +bank for a week, while he inquired for a situation or +apprenticeship of some kind for poor heart-broken Ruth; heard of +Mrs. Mason's; arranged all with her in two short conversations; +drove over for Ruth in his gig; waited while she and the old +servant packed up her clothes; and grew very impatient while she +ran, with her eyes streaming with tears, round the garden, +tearing off in a passion of love whole boughs of favourite China +and damask roses, late flowering against the casement-window of +what had been her mother's room. When she took her seat in the +gig, she was little able, even if she had been inclined, to +profit by her guardian's lectures on economy and self-reliance; +but she was quiet and silent, looking forward with longing to the +night-time, when, in her bedroom, she might give way to all her +passionate sorrow at being wrenched from the home where she had +lived with her parents, in that utter absence of any anticipation +of change, which is either the blessing or the curse of +childhood. But at night there were four other girls in her room, +and she could not cry before them. She watched and waited till, +one by one, they dropped off to sleep, and then she buried her +face in the pillow, and shook with sobbing grief; and then she +paused to conjure up, with fond luxuriance, every recollection of +the happy days, so little valued in their uneventful peace while +they lasted, so passionately regretted when once gone for ever; +to remember every look and word of the dear mother, and to moan +afresh over the change caused by her death--the first clouding in +of Ruth's day of life. It was Jenny's sympathy on this first +night, when awakened by Ruth's irrepressible agony, that had made +the bond between them. But Ruth's loving disposition, continually +sending forth fibres in search of nutriment, found no other +object for regard among those of her daily life to compensate for +the want of natural ties. + +But, almost insensibly, Jenny's place in Ruth's heart was filled +up; there was some one who listened with tender interest to all +her little revelations; who questioned her about her early days +of happiness, and, in return, spoke of his own childhood--not so +golden in reality as Ruth's, but more dazzling, when recounted +with stories of the beautiful cream-coloured Arabian pony, and +the old picture-gallery in the house, and avenues, and terraces, +and fountains in the garden, for Ruth to paint, with all the +vividness of imagination, as scenery and background for the +figure which was growing by slow degrees most prominent in her +thoughts. + +It must not be supposed that this was affected all at once, +though the intermediate stages have been passed over. On Sunday, +Mr. Bellingham only spoke to her to receive the information about +the panel; nor did he come to St. Nicholas' the next, nor yet the +following Sunday. But the third he walked by her side a little +way, and, seeing her annoyance, he left her; and then she wished +for him back again, and found the day very dreary, and wondered +why a strange, undefined feeling, had made her imagine she was +doing wrong in walking alongside of one so kind and good as Mr. +Bellingham; it had been very foolish of her to be self-conscious +all the time, and if ever he spoke to her again she would not +think of what people might say, but enjoy the pleasure which his +kind words and evident interest in her might give. Then she +thought it was very likely he never would notice her again, for +she knew she had been very rude with her short answers; it was +very provoking that she had behaved so rudely. She would be +sixteen in another month, and she was still childish and awkward. +Thus she lectured herself, after parting with Mr. Bellingham; and +the consequence was, that on the following Sunday she was ten +times as blushing and conscious, and (Mr. Bellingham thought) ten +times more beautiful than ever. He suggested that, instead of +going straight home through High Street, she should take the +round by the Leasowes; at first she declined, but then, suddenly +wondering and questioning herself why she refused a thing which +was, as far as reason and knowledge (her knowledge) went, so +innocent, and which was certainly so tempting and pleasant, she +agreed to go the round; and, when she was once in the meadows +that skirted the town, she forgot all doubt and awkwardness--nay, +almost forgot the presence of Mr. Bellingham--in her delight at +the new, tender beauty of an early spring day in February. Among +the last year's brown ruins, heaped together by the wind in the +hedgerows, she found the fresh, green, crinkled leaves and pale +star-like flowers of the primroses. Here and there a golden +celandine made brilliant the sides of the little brook that (full +of water in "February fill-dyke") bubbled along by the side of +the path; the sun was low in the horizon, and once, when they +came to a higher part of the Leasowes, Ruth burst into an +exclamation of delight at the evening glory of mellow light which +was in the sky behind the purple distance, while the brown +leafless woods in the foreground derived an almost metallic +lustre from the golden mist and haze of sunset. It was but +three-quarters of a mile round by the meadows, but somehow it +took them an hour to walk it. Ruth turned to thank Mr. Bellingham +for his kindness in taking her home by this beautiful way, but +his look of admiration at her glowing, animated face, made her +suddenly silent; and, hardly wishing him good-bye, she quickly +entered the house with a beating, happy, agitated heart. + +"How strange it is," she thought that evening, "that I should +feel as if this charming afternoon's walk were, somehow, not +exactly wrong, but yet as if it were not right. Why can it be? I +am not defrauding Mrs. Mason of any of her time; that I know +would be wrong; I am left to go where I like on Sundays. I have +been to church, so it can't be because I have missed doing my +duty. If I had gone this walk with Jenny, I wonder whether I +should have felt as I do now. There must be something wrong in +me, myself, to feel so guilty when I have done nothing which is +not right; and yet I can thank God for the happiness I have had +in this charming spring walk, which dear mamma used to say was a +sign when pleasures were innocent and good for us." + +She was not conscious, as yet, that Mr. Bellingham's presence had +added any charm to the ramble; and when she might have become +aware of this, as, week after week, Sunday after Sunday, +loitering ramble after loitering ramble succeeded each other, she +was too much absorbed with one set of thoughts to have much +inclination for self-questioning. + +"Tell me everything, Ruth, as you would to a brother; let me help +you, if I can, in your difficulties," he said to her one +afternoon. And he really did try to understand, and to realise, +how an insignificant and paltry person like Mason the dressmaker +could be an object of dread, and regarded as a person having +authority, by Ruth. He flamed up with indignation when, by way of +impressing him with Mrs. Mason's power and consequence, Ruth +spoke of some instance of the effects of her employer's +displeasure. He declared his mother should never have a gown made +again by such a tyrant--such a Mrs. Brownrigg; that he would +prevent all his acquaintances from going to such a cruel +dressmaker; till Ruth was alarmed at the threatened consequences +of her one-sided account, and pleaded for Mrs. Mason as earnestly +as if a young man's menace of this description were likely to be +literally fulfilled. + +"Indeed, sir, I have been very wrong; if you please, sir, don't +be so angry. She is often very good to us; it is only sometimes +she goes into a passion: and we are very provoking, I dare say. I +know I am for one. I have often to undo my work, and you can't +think how it spoils anything (particularly silk) to be unpicked; +and Mrs. Mason has to bear all the blame. Oh! I am sorry I said +anything about it. Don't speak to your mother about it, pray, +sir. Mrs. Mason thinks so much of Mrs. Bellingham's custom." + +"Well, I won't this time"--recollecting that there might be some +awkwardness in accounting to his mother for the means by which he +had obtained his very correct information as to what passed in +Mrs. Mason's workroom--"but, if ever she does so again, I'll not +answer for myself." + +"I will take care and not tell again, sir," said Ruth, in a low +voice. + +"Nay, Ruth, you are not going to have secrets from me, are you? +Don't you remember your promise to consider me as a brother? Go +on telling me everything that happens to you, pray; you cannot +think how much interest I take in all your interests. I can quite +fancy that charming home at Milham you told me about last Sunday. +I can almost fancy Mrs. Mason's workroom; and that, surely, is a +proof either of the strength of my imagination, or of your powers +of description." + +Ruth smiled. "It is, indeed, sir. Our workroom must be so +different to anything you ever saw. I think you must have passed +through Milham often on your way to Lowford." + +"Then you don't think it is any stretch of fancy to have so clear +an idea as I have of Milham Grange? On the left hand of the road, +is it, Ruth?" + +"Yes, sir, just over the bridge, and up the hill where the +elm-trees meet overhead and make a green shade; and then comes +the dear old Grange, that I shall never see again." + +"Never! Nonsense, Ruthie; it is only six miles off; you may see +it any day. It is not an hour's ride." + +"Perhaps I may see it again when I am grown old; I did not think +exactly what 'never' meant; it is so very long since I was there, +and I don't see any chance of my going for years and years at any +rate." + +"Why, Ruth, you--we may go next Sunday afternoon, if you like." + +She looked up at him with a lovely light of pleasure in her face +at the idea. + +"How, sir? Can I walk it between afternoon-service and the time +Mrs. Mason comes home? I would go for only one glimpse; but if I +could get into the house--oh, sir! if I could just see mamma's +room again!" + +He was revolving plans in his head for giving her this pleasure, +and he had also his own in view. If they went in any of his +carriages, the loitering charm of the walk would be lost; and +they must, to a certain degree, be encumbered by, and exposed to +the notice of servants. + +"Are you a good walker, Ruth? Do you think you can manage six +miles? If we set off at two o'clock, we shall be there by four, +without hurrying; or say half-past four. Then we might stay two +hours, and you could show me all the old walks and old places you +love, and we could still come leisurely home. Oh, it's all +arranged directly!" + +"But do you think it would be right, sir? It seems as if it would +be such a great pleasure, that it must be in some way wrong." + +"Why, you little goose, what can be wrong in it?" + +"In the first place, I miss going to church by setting out at +two," said Ruth, a little gravely. + +"Only for once. Surely you don't see any harm in missing church +for once? You will go in the morning, you know." + +"I wonder if Mrs. Mason would think it right--if she would allow +it?" + +"No, I dare say not. But you don't mean to be governed by Mrs. +Mason's notions of right and wrong. She thought it right to treat +that poor girl Palmer in the way you told me about. You would +think that wrong, you know, and so would every one of sense and +feeling. Come, Ruth, don't pin your faith on any one, but judge +for yourself. The pleasure is perfectly innocent: it is not a +selfish pleasure either, for I shall enjoy it to the full as much +as you will. I shall like to see the places where you spent your +childhood; I shall almost love them as much as you do." He had +dropped his voice; and spoke in low, persuasive tones. Ruth hung +down her head, and blushed with exceeding happiness; but she +could not speak, even to urge her doubts afresh. Thus it was in a +manner settled. How delightfully happy the plan made her through +the coming week! She was too young when her mother died to have +received any cautions or words of advice respecting the subject +of a woman's life--if, indeed, wise parents ever directly speak +of what, in its depth and power, cannot be put into words--which +is a brooding spirit with no definite form or shape that men +should know it, but which is there, and present before we have +recognised and realised its existence. Ruth was innocent and +snow-pure. She had heard of falling in love, but did not know the +signs and symptoms thereof; nor, indeed, had she troubled her +head much about them. Sorrow had filled up her days, to the +exclusion of all lighter thoughts than the consideration of +present duties, and the remembrance of the happy time which had +been. But the interval of blank, after the loss of her mother and +during her father's life-in-death, had made her all the more +ready to value and cling to sympathy--first from Jenny, and now +from Mr. Bellingham. To see her home again, and to see it with +him; to show him (secure of his interest) the haunts of former +times, each with its little tale of the past--of dead-and-gone +events!--No coming shadow threw its gloom over this week's dream +of happiness--a dream which was too bright to be spoken about to +common and indifferent ears. + + +CHAPTER IV + + +TREADING IN PERILOUS PLACES + +Sunday came, as brilliant as if there were no sorrow, or death, +or guilt in the world; a day or two of rain had made the earth +fresh and brave as the blue heavens above. Ruth thought it was +too strong a realisation of her hopes, and looked for an +over-clouding at noon; but the glory endured, and at two o'clock +she was in the Leasowes, with a beating heart full of joy, +longing to stop the hours, which would pass too quickly through +the afternoon. + +They sauntered through the fragrant lanes, as if their loitering +would prolong the time and check the fiery-footed steeds +galloping apace towards the close of the happy day. It was past +five o'clock before they came to the great mill-wheel, which +stood in Sabbath idleness, motionless in a brown mass of shade, +and still wet with yesterday's immersion in the deep transparent +water beneath. They clambered the little hill, not yet fully +shaded by the overarching elms; and then Ruth checked Mr. +Bellingham, by a slight motion of the hand which lay within his +arm, and glanced up into his face to see what that face should +express as it looked on Milham Grange, now lying still and +peaceful in its afternoon shadows. It was a house of +after-thoughts; building materials were plentiful in the +neighbourhood, and every successive owner had found a necessity +for some addition or projection, till it was a picturesque mass +of irregularity--of broken light and shadow--which, as a whole, +gave a full and complete idea of a "Home." All its gables and +nooks were blended and held together by the tender green of the +climbing roses and young creepers. An old couple were living in +the house until it should be let, but they dwelt in the back +part, and never used the front door; so the little birds had +grown tame and familiar, and perched upon the window-sills and +porch, and on the old stone cistern which caught the water from +the roof. + +They went silently through the untrimmed garden, full of the +pale-coloured flowers of spring. A spider had spread her web over +the front door. The sight of this conveyed a sense of desolation +to Ruth's heart; she thought it was possible the state-entrance +had never been used since her father's dead body had been borne +forth, and without speaking a word, she turned abruptly away, and +went round the house to another door. Mr. Bellingham followed +without questioning, little understanding her feelings, but full +of admiration for the varying expression called out upon her +face. + +The old woman had not yet returned from church, or from the +weekly gossip or neighbourly tea which succeeded. The husband sat +in the kitchen, spelling the psalms for the day in his +Prayer-book, and reading the words out aloud--a habit he had +acquired from the double solitude of his life, for he was deaf. +He did not hear the quiet entrance of the pair, and they were +struck with the sort of ghostly echo which seems to haunt +half-furnished and uninhabited houses. The verses he was reading +were the following:-- + +"Why art thou so vexed, O my soul: and why art thou so disquieted +within me? O put thy trust in God: for I will yet thank him, +which is the help of my countenance, and my God." + +And when he had finished he shut the book, and sighed with the +satisfaction of having done his duty. The words of holy trust, +though, perhaps, they were not fully understood, carried a +faithful peace down into the depths of his soul. As he looked up, +he saw the young couple standing in the middle of the floor. He +pushed his iron-rimmed spectacles on to his forehead, and rose +to greet the daughter of his old master and ever-honoured +mistress. + +"God bless thee, lass! God bless thee! My old eyes are glad to +see thee again." + +Ruth sprang forward to shake the horny hand stretched forward in +the action of blessing. She pressed it between both of hers, as +she rapidly poured out questions. Mr. Bellingham was not +altogether comfortable at seeing one whom he had already begun to +appropriate as his own, so tenderly familiar with a +hard-featured, meanly-dressed day-labourer. He sauntered to the +window, and looked out into the grass-grown farmyard; but he +could not help overhearing some of the conversation, which seemed +to him carried on too much in the tone of equality. "And who's +yon?" asked the old labourer at last. "Is he your sweetheart? +Your missis's son, I reckon. He's a spruce young chap, anyhow." +Mr. Bellingham's "blood of all the Howards" rose and tingled +about his ears, so that he could not hear Ruth's answer. It began +by "Hush, Thomas; pray hush!" but how it went on he did not +catch. The idea of his being Mrs. Mason's son! It was really too +ridiculous; but, like most things which are "too ridiculous," it +made him very angry. He was hardly himself again when Ruth shyly +came to the window-recess and asked him if he would like to see +the house-place, into which the front-door entered; many people +thought it very pretty, she said, half-timidly, for his face had +unconsciously assumed a hard and haughty expression, which he +could not instantly soften down. He followed her, however; but +before he left the kitchen he saw the old man standing, looking +at Ruth's companion with a strange, grave air of dissatisfaction. + +They went along one or two zig-zag damp-smelling stone passages, +and then entered the house-place, or common sitting-room for a +farmer's family in that part of the country. The front door +opened into it, and several other apartments issued out of it, +such as the dairy, the state bedroom (which was half-parlour as +well), and a small room which had been appropriated to the late +Mrs. Hilton, where she sat, or more frequently lay, commanding +through the open door the comings and goings of her household. In +those days the house-place had been a cheerful room, full of +life, with the passing to and fro of husband, child, and +servants; with a great merry wood-fire crackling and blazing away +every evening, and hardly let out in the very heat of summer; for +with the thick stone walls, and the deep window-seats, and the +drapery of vine-leaves and ivy, that room, with its flag-floor, +seemed always to want the sparkle and cheery warmth of a fire. +But now the green shadows from without seemed to have become +black in the uninhabited desolation. The oaken shovel-board, the +heavy dresser, and the carved cupboards, were now dull and damp, +which were formerly polished up to the brightness of a +looking-glass where the fire-blaze was for ever glinting; they +only added to the oppressive gloom; the flag-floor was wet with +heavy moisture. Ruth stood gazing into the room, seeing nothing +of what was present. She saw a vision of former days--an evening +in the days of her childhood; her father sitting in the "master's +corner" near the fire, sedately smoking his pipe, while he +dreamily watched his wife and child; her mother reading to her, +as she sat on a little stool at her feet. It was gone--all gone +into the land of shadows; but for the moment it seemed so present +in the old room, that Ruth believed her actual life to be the +dream. Then, 'still silent, she went on into her mother's +parlour. But there, the bleak look of what had once been full of +peace and mother's love, struck cold on her heart. She uttered a +cry, and threw herself down by the sofa, hiding her face in her +hands, while her frame quivered with her repressed sobs. + +"Dearest Ruth, don't give way so. It can do no good; it cannot +bring back the dead," said Mr. Bellingham, distressed at +witnessing her distress. + +"I know it cannot," murmured Ruth; "and that is why I cry. I cry +because nothing will ever bring them back again." She sobbed +afresh, but more gently, for his kind words soothed her, and +softened, if they could not take away, her sense of desolation. + +"Come away; I cannot have you stay here, full of painful +associations as these rooms must be. Come"--raising her with +gentle violence--"show me your little garden you have often told +me about. Near the window of this very room, is it not? See how +well I remember everything you tell me." + +He led her round through the back part of the house into the +pretty old-fashioned garden. There was a sunny border just under +the windows, and clipped box and yew-trees by the grass-plat, +further away from the house; and she prattled again of her +childish adventures and solitary plays. When they turned round +they saw the old man, who had hobbled out with the help of his +stick, and was looking at them with the same grave, sad look of +anxiety. Mr. Bellingham spoke rather sharply-- + +"Why does that old man follow us about in that way? It is +excessively impertinent of him, I think." + +"Oh, don't call old Thomas impertinent. He is so good and kind, +he is like a father to me. I remember sitting on his knee many +and many a time when I was a child, whilst he told me stories out +of the 'Pilgrim's Progress.' He taught me to suck up milk through +a straw. Mamma was very fond of him, too. He used to sit with us +always in the evenings when papa was away at market, for mamma +was rather afraid of having no man in the house, and used to beg +old Thomas to stay; and he would take me on his knee, and listen +just as attentively as I did while mamma read aloud." + +"You don't mean to say you have sat upon that old fellow's knee?" + +"Oh, yes! many and many a time." + +Mr. Bellingham looked graver than he had done while witnessing +Ruth's passionate emotion in her mother's room. But he lost his +sense of indignity in admiration of his companion as she wandered +among the flowers, seeking for favourite bushes or plants, to +which some history or remembrance was attached. She wound in and +out in natural, graceful, wavy lines between the luxuriant and +overgrown shrubs, which were fragrant with a leafy smell of +spring growth; she went on, careless of watching eyes, indeed +unconscious, for the time, of their existence. Once she stopped +to take hold of a spray of jessamine, and softly kiss it; it had +been her mother's favourite flower. + +Old Thomas was standing by the horse-mount, and was also an +observer of all her goings-on. But, while Mr. Bellingham's +feeling was that of passionate admiration mingled with a selfish +kind of love, the old man gazed with tender anxiety, and his lips +moved in words of blessing-- + +"She's a pretty creature, with a glint of her mother about her; +and she's the same kind lass as ever. Not a bit set up with yon +fine manty-maker's shop she's in. I misdoubt that young fellow +though, for all she called him a real gentleman, and checked me +when I asked if he was her sweetheart. If his are not +sweetheart's looks, I've forgotten all my young days. Here! +they're going, I suppose. Look! he wants her to go without a word +to the old man; but she is none so changed as that, I reckon." + +Not Ruth, indeed! She never perceived the dissatisfied expression +of Mr. Bellingham's countenance, visible to the old man's keen +eye; but came running up to Thomas to send her love to his wife, +and to shake him many times by the hand. + +"Tell Mary I'll make her such a fine gown, as soon as ever I set +up for myself; it shall be all in the fashion, big gigot sleeves, +that she shall not know herself in them! Mind you tell her that, +Thomas, will you?" + +"Ay, that I will, lass; and I reckon she'll be pleased to hear +thou hast not forgotten thy old merry ways. The Lord bless +thee--the Lord lift up the light of His countenance upon thee." + +Ruth was half-way towards the impatient Mr. Bellingham when her +old friend called her back. He longed to give her a warning of +the danger that he thought she was in, and yet he did not know +how. When she came up, all he could think of to say was a text; +indeed, the language of the Bible was the language in which he +thought, whenever his ideas went beyond practical everyday life +into expressions of emotion or feeling. "My dear, remember the +devil goeth about as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour; +remember that, Ruth." + +The words fell on her ear, but gave no definite idea. The utmost +they suggested was the remembrance of the dread she felt as a +child when this verse came into her mind, and how she used to +imagine a lion's head with glaring eyes peering out of the bushes +in a dark shady part of the wood, which, for this reason, she had +always avoided, and even now could hardly think of without a +shudder. She never imagined that the grim warning related to the +handsome young man who awaited her with a countenance beaming +with love, and tenderly drew her hand within his arm. + +The old man sighed as he watched them away. "The Lord may help +her to guide her steps aright. He may. But I'm afeard she's +treading in perilous places. I'll put my missis up to going to +the town and getting speech of her, and telling her a bit of her +danger. An old motherly woman like our Mary will set about it +better nor a stupid fellow like me." + +The poor old labourer prayed long and earnestly that night for +Ruth. He called it "wrestling for her soul;" and I think that his +prayers were heard, for "God judgeth not as man judgeth." + +Ruth went on her way, all unconscious of the dark phantoms of the +future that were gathering around her; her melancholy turned, +with the pliancy of childish years, at sixteen not yet lost, into +a softened manner which was infinitely charming. By-and-by she +cleared up into sunny happiness. The evening was still and full +of mellow light, and the new-born summer was so delicious that, +in common with all young creatures, she shared its influence and +was glad. They stood together at the top of a steep ascent, "the +hill" of the hundred. At the summit there was a level space, +sixty or seventy yards square, of unenclosed and broken ground, +over which the golden bloom of the gorse cast a rich hue, while +its delicious scent perfumed the fresh and nimble air. On one +side of this common, the ground sloped down to a clear bright +pond, in which were mirrored the rough sand-cliffs that rose +abrupt on the opposite bank; hundreds of martens found a home +there, and were now wheeling over the transparent water, and +dipping in their wings in their evening sport. Indeed, all sorts +of birds seemed to haunt the lonely pool; the water-wagtails were +scattered around its margin, the linnets perched on the topmost +sprays of the gorse-bushes, and other hidden warblers sang their +vespers on the uneven ground beyond. On the far side of the green +waste, close by the road, and well placed for the requirements of +horses or their riders who might be weary with the ascent of the +hill, there was a public-house, which was more of a farm than an +inn. It was a long, low building, rich in dormer-windows on the +weather side, which were necessary in such an exposed situation, +and with odd projections and unlooked-for gables on every side; +there was a deep porch in front, on whose hospitable benches a +dozen persons might sit and enjoy the balmy air. A noble sycamore +grew right before the house, with seats all round it ("such tents +the patriarchs loved"); and a nondescript sign hung from a branch +on the side next to the road, which, being wisely furnished with +an interpretation, was found to mean King Charles in the oak. + +Near this comfortable, quiet, unfrequented inn, there was another +pond, for household and farmyard purposes, from which the cattle +were drinking, before returning to the fields after they had been +milked. Their very motions were so lazy and slow, that they +served to fill up the mind with the sensation of dreamy rest. +Ruth and Mr. Bellingham plunged through the broken ground to +regain the road near the wayside inn. Hand-in-hand, now pricked +by the far-spreading gorse, now ankle-deep in sand; now pressing +the soft, thick heath, which should make so brave an autumn show; +and now over wild thyme and other fragrant herbs, they made their +way, with many a merry laugh. Once on the road, at the summit, +Ruth stood silent, in breathless delight at the view before her. +The hill fell suddenly down into the plain, extending for a dozen +miles or more. There was a clump of dark Scotch firs close to +them, which cut clear against the western sky, and threw back the +nearest levels into distance. The plain below them was richly +wooded, and was tinted by the young tender hues of the earliest +summer, for all the trees of the wood had donned their leaves +except the cautious ash, which here and there gave a soft, +pleasant greyness to the landscape. Far away in the champaign +were spires, and towers, and stacks of chimneys belonging to some +distant hidden farmhouse, which were traced downwards through the +golden air by the thin columns of blue smoke sent up from the +evening fires. The view was bounded by some rising ground in deep +purple shadow against the sunset sky. When first they stopped, +silent with sighing pleasure, the air seemed full of pleasant +noises; distant church-bells made harmonious music with the +little singing-birds near at hand; nor were the lowings of the +cattle nor the calls of the farm-servants discordant, for the +voices seemed to be hushed by the brooding consciousness of the +Sabbath. They stood loitering before the house, quietly enjoying +the view. The clock in the little inn struck eight, and it +sounded clear and sharp in the stillness. + +"Can it be so late?" asked Ruth. + +"I should not have thought it possible," answered Mr. Bellingham. +"But, never mind, you will be at home long before nine. Stay, +there is a shorter road, I know, through the fields; just wait a +moment, while I go in and ask the exact way." He dropped Ruth's +arm, and went into the public-house. + +A gig had been slowly toiling up the sandy hill behind, +unperceived by the young couple, and now it reached the +tableland, and was close upon them as they separated. Ruth turned +round, when the sound of the horse's footsteps came distinctly as +he reached the level. She faced Mrs. Mason! + +They were not ten--no, not five yards apart. At the same moment +they recognised each other, and, what was worse, Mrs. Mason had +clearly seen, with her sharp, needle-like eyes, the attitude in +which Ruth had stood with the young man who had just quitted her. +Ruth's hand had been lying in his arm, and fondly held there by +his other hand. + +Mrs. Mason was careless about the circumstances of temptation +into which the girls entrusted to her as apprentices were thrown, +but severely intolerant if their conduct was in any degree +influenced by the force of these temptations. She called this +intolerance "keeping up the character of her establishment." It +would have been a better and more Christian thing if she had kept +up the character of her girls by tender vigilance and maternal +care. + +This evening, too, she was in an irritated state of temper. Her +brother had undertaken to drive her round by Henbury, in order to +give her the unpleasant information of the misbehaviour of her +eldest son, who was an assistant in a draper's shop in a +neighbouring town. She was full of indignation against want of +steadiness, though not willing to direct her indignation against +the right object--her ne'er-do-well darling. While she was thus +charged with anger (for her brother justly defended her son's +master and companions from her attacks), she saw Ruth standing +with a lover, far away from home, at such a time in the evening, +and she boiled over with intemperate displeasure. + +"Come here directly, Miss Hilton," she exclaimed sharply. Then, +dropping her voice to low, bitter tones of concentrated wrath; +she said to the trembling, guilty Ruth-- + +"Don't attempt to show your face at my house again after this +conduct. I saw you, and your spark too. I'll have no slurs on the +character of my apprentices. Don't say a word. I saw enough. I +shall write and tell your guardian to-morrow. The horse started +away, for he was impatient to be off; and Ruth was left standing +there, stony, sick, and pale, as if the lightning had tom up the +ground beneath her feet. She could not go on standing, she was so +sick and faint; she staggered back to the broken sand-bank, and +sank down, and covered her face with her hands. + +"My dearest Ruth! are you ill? Speak, darling! My love, my love, +do speak to me!" + +What tender words after such harsh ones! They loosened the +fountain of Ruth's tears, and she cried bitterly. + +"Oh! did you see her--did you hear what she said?" + +"She! Who, my darling? Don't sob so, Ruth; tell me what it is. +Who has been near you?--who has been speaking to you to make you +cry so?" + +"Oh, Mrs. Mason." And there was a fresh burst of sorrow. + +"You don't say so! are you sure? I was not away five minutes." + +"Oh, yes, sir, I'm quite sure. She was so angry; she said I must +never show my face there again. Oh, dear! what shall I do?" + +It seemed to the poor child as if Mrs. Mason's words were +irrevocable, and, that being so, she was shut out from every +house. She saw how much she had done that was deserving of blame, +now when it was too late to undo it. She knew with what severity +and taunts Mrs. Mason had often treated her for involuntary +fallings, of which she had been quite unconscious; and now she +had really done wrong, and shrank with terror from the +consequences. Her eyes were so blinded by the fast-falling tears, +she did not see (nor, had she seen, would she have been able to +interpret) the change in Mr. Bellingham's countenance, as he +stood silently watching her. He was silent so long, that even in +her sorrow she began to wonder that he did not speak, and to wish +to hear his soothing words once more. + +"It is very unfortunate," he began, at last; and then he stopped; +then he began again: "It is very unfortunate; for, you see, I did +not like to name it to you before, but, I believe--I have +business, in fact, which obliges me to go to town to-morrow--to +London, I mean; and I don't know when I shall be able to return." +"To London!" cried Ruth; "are you going away? Oh, Mr. +Bellingham!" She wept afresh, giving herself up to the desolate +feeling of sorrow, which absorbed all the terror she had been +experiencing at the idea of Mrs. Mason's anger. It seemed to her +at this moment as though she could have borne everything but his +departure; but she did not speak again; and, after two or three +minutes had elapsed, he spoke--not in his natural careless voice, +but in a sort of constrained, agitated tone. + +"I can hardly bear the idea of leaving you, my own Ruth. In such +distress, too; for where you can go I do not know at all. From +all you have told me of Mrs. Mason, I don't think she is likely +to mitigate her severity in your case." + +No answer, but tears quietly, incessantly flowing. Mrs. Mason's +displeasure seemed a distant thing; his going away was the present +distress. He went on-- + +"Ruth, would you go with me to London? My darling, I cannot +leave you here without a home; the thought of leaving you at all +is pain enough, but in these circumstances--so friendless, so +homeless--it is impossible. You must come with me, love, and +trust to me." + +Still she did not speak. Remember how young, and innocent, and +motherless she was! It seemed to her as if it would be happiness +enough to be with him; and as for the future, he would arrange +and decide for that. The future lay wrapped in a golden mist, +which she did not care to penetrate; but if he, her sun, was out +of sight and gone, the golden mist became dark heavy gloom, +through which no hope could come. He took her hand. + +"Will you not come with me? Do you not love me enough to trust +me? Oh, Ruth (reproachfully), can you not trust me?" + +She had stopped crying, but was sobbing sadly. + +"I cannot bear this, love. Your sorrow is absolute pain to me; +but it is worse to feel how indifferent you are--how little you +care about our separation." + +He dropped her hand. She burst into a fresh fit of crying. + +"I may have to join my mother in Paris; I don't know when I shall +see you again. Oh, Ruth!" said he vehemently, "do you love me at +all?" + +She said something in a very low voice; he could not hear it, +though he bent down his head--but he took her hand again. + +"What was it you said, love? Was it not that you did love me? My +darling, you do! I can tell it by the trembling of this little +hand; then you will not suffer me to go away alone and unhappy, +most anxious about you? There is no other course open to you; my +poor girl has no friends to receive her. I will go home directly, +and return in an hour with a carriage. You make me too happy by +your silence, Ruth." + +"Oh, what can I do?" exclaimed Ruth. "Mr. Bellingham, you should +help me, and instead of that you only bewilder me." + +"How, my dearest Ruth? Bewilder you! It seems so clear to me. +Look at the case fairly! Here you are, an orphan, with only one +person to love you, poor child!--thrown off, for no fault of +yours, by the only creature on whom you have a claim, that +creature a tyrannical, inflexible woman; what is more natural +(and, being natural, more right) than that you should throw +yourself upon the care of the one who loves you dearly--who would +go through fire and water for you--who would shelter you from all +harm? Unless, indeed, as I suspect, you do not care for him. If +so, Ruth, if you do not care for me, we had better part--I will +leave you at once; it will be better for me to go, if you do not +care for me." + +He said this very sadly (it seemed so to Ruth, at least), and +made as though he would have drawn his hand from hers; but now +she held it with soft force. + +"Don't leave me, please, sir. It is very true I have no friend +but you. Don't leave me, please. But, oh! do tell me what I must +do!" + +"Will you do it if I tell you? If you will trust me, I will do my +very best for you. I will give you my best advice. You see your +position. Mrs. Mason writes and gives her own exaggerated account +to your guardian; he is bound by no great love to you, from what +I have heard you say, and throws you off; I, who might be able to +befriend you--through my mother, perhaps--I, who could at least +comfort you a little (could not I, Ruth?), am away, far away, for +an indefinite time; that is your position at present. Now, what I +advise is this. Come with me into this little inn; I will order +tea for you--(I am sure you require it sadly)--and I will leave +you there, and go home for the carriage. I will return in an hour +at the latest. Then we are together, come what may; that is +enough for me; is it not for you, Ruth? Say yes--say it ever so +low, but give me the delight of hearing it. Ruth, say yes." + +Low and soft, with much hesitation, came the "Yes;" the fatal +word of which she so little imagined the infinite consequences. +The thought of being with him was all and everything. + +"How you tremble, my darling! You are cold, love! Come into the +house, and I'll order tea, directly, and be off." + +She rose, and, leaning on his arm, went into the house. She was +shaking and dizzy with the agitation of the last hour. He spoke +to the civil farmer-landlord, who conducted them into a neat +parlour, with windows opening into the garden at the back of the +house. They had admitted much of the evening's fragrance through +their open casements before they were hastily closed by the +attentive host. + +"Tea, directly, for this lady!" The landlord vanished. + +"Dearest Ruth, I must go; there is not an instant to be lost. +Promise me to take some tea, for you are shivering all over, and +deadly pale with the fright that abominable woman has given you. +I must go; I shall be back in half an hour--and then no more +partings, darling." + +He kissed her pale cold face, and went away. The room whirled +round before Ruth; it was a dream--a strange, varying, shifting +dream--with the old home of her childhood for one scene, with the +terror of Mrs. Mason's unexpected appearance for another; and +then, strangest, dizziest, happiest of all, there was the +consciousness of his love, who was all the world to her, and the +remembrance of the tender words, which still kept up their low +soft echo in her heart. Her head ached so much that she could +hardly see; even the dusky twilight was a dazzling glare to her +poor eyes; and when the daughter of the house brought in the +sharp light of the candles, preparatory for tea, Ruth hid her +face in the sofa pillows with a low exclamation of pain. + +"Does your head ache, miss?" asked the girl, in a gentle, +sympathising voice. + +"Let me make you some tea, miss, it will do you good. Many's the +time poor mother's headaches were cured by good strong tea." + +Ruth murmured acquiescence; the young girl (about Ruth's own age, +but who was the mistress of the little establishment owing to her +mother's death) made tea, and brought Ruth a cup to the sofa +where she lay. Ruth was feverish and thirsty, and eagerly drank +it off, although she could not touch the bread and butter which +the girl offered her. She felt better and fresher, though she was +still faint and weak. + +"Thank you," said Ruth. "Don't let me keep you, perhaps you are +busy. You have been very kind, and the tea has done me a great +deal of good." + +The girl left the room. Ruth became as hot as she had previously +been cold, and went and opened the window, and leant out into the +still, sweet, evening air, The bush of sweet-brier underneath the +window scented the place, and the delicious fragrance reminded +her of her old home. I think scents affect and quicken the memory +more than either sights or sound; for Ruth had instantly before +her eyes the little garden beneath the window of her mother's +room with the old man leaning on his stick watching her, just as +he had done not three hours before on that very afternoon. + +"Dear old Thomas! he and Mary would take me in, I think; they +would love me all the more if I were cast off. And Mr. Bellingham +would, perhaps, not be so very long away; and he would know where +to find me if I stayed at Milham Grange. Oh, would it not be +better to go to them? I wonder if he would be very sorry! I could +not bear to make him sorry, so kind as he has been to me; but I +do believe it would be better to go to them, and ask their +advice, at any rate. He would follow me there; and I could talk +over what I had better do, with the three best friends I have in +the world--the only friends I have." + +She put on her bonnet, and opened the parlour-door; but then she +saw the square figure of the landlord standing at the open +house-door, smoking his evening pipe, and looming large and +distinct against the dark air and landscape beyond. Ruth +remembered the cup of tea she had drunk; it must be paid for, and +she had no money with her. She feared that he would not let her +quit the house without paying. She thought that she would leave a +note for Mr. Bellingham, saying where she was gone, and how she +had left the house in debt, for (like a child) all dilemmas +appeared of equal magnitude to her; and the difficulty of passing +the landlord while he stood there, and of giving him an +explanation of the circumstances (as far as such explanation was +due to him), appeared insuperable, and as awkward and fraught +with inconvenience as far more serious situations. She kept +peeping out of her room, after she had written her little +pencil-note, to see if the outer door was still obstructed. There +he stood, motionless, enjoying his pipe, and looking out into the +darkness which gathered thick with the coming night. The fumes of +the tobacco were carried by the air into the house, and brought +back Ruth's sick headache. Her energy left her; she became stupid +and languid, and incapable of spirited exertion; she modified her +plan of action, to the determination of asking Mr. Bellingham to +take her to Milham Grange, to the care of her humble friends, +instead of to London. And she thought, in her simplicity, that he +would instantly consent when he had heard her reasons. + +She started up. A carriage dashed up to the door. She hushed her +beating heart, and tried to stop her throbbing head, to listen. +She heard him speaking to the landlord, though she could not +distinguish what he said heard the jingling of money, and in +another moment he was in the room, and had taken her arm to lead +her to the carriage. + +"Oh, sir, I want you to take me to Milham Grange," said she, +holding back; "old Thomas would give me a home." + +"Well, dearest, we'll talk of all that in the carriage; I am sure +you will listen to reason. Nay, if you will go to Milham, you +must go in the carriage," said he hurriedly. She was little +accustomed to oppose the wishes of any one; obedient and docile +by nature, and unsuspicious and innocent of any harmful +consequences. She entered the carriage, and drove towards London. + + +CHAPTER V + + +IN NORTH WALES + +The June of 18-- had been glorious and sunny, and full of +flowers; but July came in with pouring rain, and it was a gloomy +time for travellers and for weather-bound tourists, who lounged +away the days in touching up sketches, dressing flies, and +reading over again, for the twentieth time, the few volumes they +had brought with them. A number of the Times, five days old, had +been in constant demand in all the sitting-rooms of a certain inn +in a little mountain village of North Wales, through a long July +morning. The valleys around were filled with thick, cold mist, +which had crept up the hillsides till the hamlet itself was +folded in its white, dense curtain, and from the inn-windows +nothing was seen of the beautiful scenery around. The tourists +who thronged the rooms might as well have been "wi' their dear +little bairnies at hame;" and so some of them seemed to think, as +they stood, with their faces flattened against the windowpanes, +looking abroad in search of an event to fill up the dreary time. +How many dinners were hastened that day, by way of getting +through the morning, let the poor Welsh kitchen-maid say! The +very village children kept indoors; or, if one or two more +adventurous stole out into the land of temptation and puddles, +they were soon clutched back by angry and busy mothers. + +It was only four o'clock, but most of the inmates of the inn +thought it must be between six and seven, the morning had seemed +so long--so many hours had passed since dinner--when a Welsh car, +drawn by two horses, rattled briskly up to the door. Every window +of the ark was crowded with faces at the sound; the leathern +curtains were undrawn to their curious eyes, and out sprang a +gentleman, who carefully assisted a well-cloaked-up lady into the +little inn, despite the landlady's assurances of not having a +room to spare. + +The gentleman (it was Mr. Bellingham) paid no attention to the +speeches of the hostess, but quietly superintended the unpacking +of the carriage, and paid the postillion; then, turning round, +with his face to the light, he spoke to the landlady, whose voice +had been rising during the last five minutes-- + +"Nay, Jenny, you're strangely altered, if you can turn out an old +friend on such an evening as this. If I remember right, Pen tre +Voelas is twenty miles across the bleakest mountain-road I ever +saw." + +"Indeed, sir, and I did not know you; Mr. Bellingham, I believe. +Indeed, sir, Pen tre Voelas is not above eighteen miles--we only +charge for eighteen; it may not be much above seventeen,--and +we're quite full, indeed, more's the pity." + +"Well, but, Jenny, to oblige me, an old friend, you can find +lodgings out for some of your people--that house across, for +instance." + +"Indeed, sir, and it's at liberty; perhaps you would not mind +lodging there yourself. I could get you the best rooms, and send +over a trifle or so of furniture, if they weren't as you'd wish +them to be." + +"No, Jenny, here I stay. You'll not induce me to venture over +into those rooms, whose dirt I know of old. Can't you persuade +some one who is not an old friend to move across? Say, if you +like, that I had written beforehand to bespeak the rooms. Oh, I +know you can manage it--I know your good-natured ways." + +"Indeed, sir! Well, I'll see, if you and the lady will just step +into the back-parlour, sir--there's no one there just now; the +lady is keeping her bed to-day for a cold, and the gentleman is +having a rubber at whist in number three. I'll see what I can +do." + +"Thank you--thank you! Is there a fire? if not, one must be +lighted. Come, Ruthie, come!" + +He led the way into a large bow-windowed room, which looked +gloomy enough that afternoon, but which I have seen bright and +buoyant with youth and hope within, and sunny lights creeping +down the purple mountain slope, and stealing over the green, soft +meadows, till they reached the little garden, full of roses and +lavender-bushes, lying close under the window. I have seen--but I +shall see no more. + +"I did not know you had been here before," said Ruth, as Mr. +Bellingham helped her off with her cloak. + +"Oh, yes; three years ago I was here on a reading party. We were +here above two months, attracted by Jenny's kind heart and +oddities, but driven away finally by the insufferable dirt. +However, for a week or two it won't much signify." + +"But can she take us in? I thought I heard her saying her house +was full." + +"Oh, yes, I dare say it is; but I shall pay her well. She can +easily make excuses to some poor devil, and send him over to the +other side; and for a day or two, so that we have shelter, it +does not much signify." + +"Could not we go to the house on the other side?" + +"And have our meals carried across to us in a half-warm state, to +say nothing of having no one to scold for bad cooking! You don't +know these out-of-the-way Welsh inns yet, Ruthie." + +"No, I only thought it seemed rather unfair," said Ruth gently; +but she did not end her sentence, for Mr. Bellingham formed his +lips into a whistle, and walked to the window to survey the rain. + +The remembrance of his former good payment prompted many little +lies of which Mrs. Morgan was guilty that afternoon, before she +succeeded in turning out a gentleman and lady, who were only +planning to remain till the ensuing Saturday at the outside; so, +if they did fulfil their threat, and leave on the next day, she +would be no very great loser. + +These household arrangements complete, she solaced herself with +tea in her own little parlour, and shrewdly reviewed the +circumstances of Mr. Bellingham's arrival. + +"Indeed! and she's not his wife," thought Jenny, "that's clear as +day. His wife would have brought her maid, and given herself +twice as many airs about the sitting-rooms; while this poor miss +never spoke, but kept as still as a mouse. Indeed, and young men +will be young men; and as long as their fathers and mothers shut +their eyes, it's none of my business to go about asking +questions." + +In this manner they settled down to a week's enjoyment of that +Alpine country. It was most true enjoyment to Ruth. It was +opening a new sense; vast ideas of beauty and grandeur filled her +mind at the sight of the mountains, now first beheld in full +majesty. She was almost overpowered by the vague and solemn +delight; but by-and-by her love for them equalled her awe, and in +the night-time she would softly rise, and steal to the window to +see the white moon-light, which gave a new aspect to the +everlasting hills that girdle the mountain village. + +Their breakfast-hour was late, in accordance with Mr. +Bellingham's tastes and habits; but Ruth was up betimes, and out +and away, brushing the dewdrops from the short crisp grass; the +lark sung high above her head, and she knew not if she moved or +stood still, for the grandeur of this beautiful earth absorbed +all idea of separate and individual existence. Even rain was a +pleasure to her. She sat in the window-seat of their parlour (she +would have gone out gladly, but that such a proceeding annoyed +Mr. Bellingham, who usually at such times lounged away the +listless hours on a sofa, and relieved himself by abusing the +weather); she saw the swift-fleeting showers come athwart the +sunlight like a rush of silver arrows; she watched the purple +darkness on the heathery mountain-side, and then the pale golden +gleam which succeeded. There was no change or alteration of +nature that had not its own peculiar beauty in the eyes of Ruth; +but if she had complained of the changeable climate, she would +have pleased Mr. Bellingham more: her admiration and her content +made him angry, until her pretty motions and loving eyes soothed +down his impatience. + +"Really, Ruth," he exclaimed one day, when they had been +imprisoned by rain a whole morning, "one would think you had +never seen a shower of rain before; it quite wearies me to see +you sitting there watching this detestable weather with such a +placid countenance; and for the last two hours you have said +nothing more amusing or interesting than--'Oh, how beautiful!' +or, 'There's another cloud coming across Moel Wynn.'" + +Ruth left her seat very gently, and took up her work. She wished +she had the gift of being amusing; it must be dull for a man +accustomed to all kinds of active employments to be shut up in +the house. She was recalled from her absolute self-forgetfulness. +What could she say to interest Mr. Bellingham? While she thought, +he spoke again-- + +"I remember when we were reading here three years ago, we had a +week of just such weather as this; but Howard and Johnson were +capital whist-players, and Wilbraham not bad, so we got through +the days famously. Can you play ecarte, Ruth, or picquet?" + +"No, sir; I have sometimes played at beggar-my-neighbour," +answered Ruth humbly, regretting her own deficiencies. + +He murmured impatiently, and there was silence for another +half-hour. Then he sprang up, and rang the bell violently. "Ask +Mrs. Morgan for a pack of cards. Ruthie, I'll teach you ecarte," +said he. + +But Ruth was stupid, not so good as a dummy, he said; and it was +no fun betting against himself. So the cards were flung across +the table--on the floor--anywhere. Ruth picked them up. As she +rose, she sighed a little with the depression of spirits +consequent upon her own want of power to amuse and occupy him she +loved. + +"You're pale, love!" said he, half repenting of his anger at her +blunders over the cards. "Go out before dinner; you know you +don't mind this cursed weather; and see that you come home full +of adventures to relate. Come, little blockhead! give me a kiss, +and begone." + +She left the room with a feeling of relief; for if he were dull +without her, she should not feel responsible, and unhappy at her +own stupidity. The open air, that kind of soothing balm which +gentle mother Nature offers to us all in our seasons of +depression, relieved her. The rain had ceased, though every leaf +and blade was loaded with trembling glittering drops. Ruth went +down to the circular dale, into which the brown foaming mountain +river fell and made a deep pool, and, after resting there for a +while, ran on between broken rocks down to the valley below. The +water-fall was magnificent, as she had anticipated; she longed to +extend her walk to the other side of the stream, so she sought +the stepping-stones, the usual crossing-place, which were +overshadowed by trees, a few yards from the pool. The waters ran +high and rapidly, as busy as life, between the pieces of grey +rock; but Ruth had no fear, and went lightly and steadily on. +About the middle, however, there was a great gap; either one of +the stones was so covered with water as to be invisible, or it +had been washed lower down; at any rate, the spring from stone to +stone was long, and Ruth hesitated for a moment before taking it. +The sound of rushing waters was in her ears to the exclusion of +every other noise; her eyes were on the current running swiftly +below her feet; and thus she was startled to see a figure close +before her on one of the stones, and to hear a voice offering +help. + +She looked up and saw a man, who was apparently long past middle +life, and of the stature of a dwarf; a second glance accounted +for the low height of the speaker, for then she saw he was +deformed. As the consciousness of this infirmity came into her +mind, it must have told itself in her softened eyes; for a faint +flush of colour came into the pale face of the deformed +gentleman, as he repeated his words-- + +"The water is very rapid; will you take my hand? perhaps I can +help you." Ruth accepted the offer, and with this assistance she +was across in a moment. He made way for her to precede him in the +narrow wood path, and then silently followed her up the glen. + +When they had passed out of the wood into the pasture-land +beyond, Ruth once more turned to mark him. She was struck afresh +with the mild beauty of the face, though there was something in +the countenance which told of the body's deformity, something +more and beyond the pallor of habitual ill-health, something of a +quick spiritual light in the deep-set eyes, a sensibility about +the mouth; but altogether, though a peculiar, it was a most +attractive face. "Will you allow me to accompany you if you are +going the round by Cwm Dhu, as I imagine you are? The handrail is +blown away from the little wooden bridge by the storm last night, +and the rush of waters below may make you dizzy; and it is really +dangerous to fall there, the stream is so deep." + +They walked on without much speech. She wondered who her +companion might be. She should have known him, if she had seen +him among the strangers at the inn; and yet he spoke English too +well to be a Welshman; he knew the country and the paths so +perfectly, he must be a resident; and so she tossed him from +England to Wales, and back again, in her imagination. + +"I only came here yesterday," said he, as a widening in the path +permitted them to walk abreast. "Last night I went to the higher +waterfalls; they are most splendid." + +"Did you go out in all that rain?" asked Ruth timidly. + +"Oh, yes. Rain never hinders me from walking. Indeed, it gives a +new beauty to such a country as this. Besides, my time for my +excursion is so short, I cannot afford to waste a day." + +"Then you do not live here?" asked Ruth. + +"No! my home is in a very different place. I live in a busy town, +where at times it is difficult to feel the truth that + +'There are in this loud stunning tide Of human care and crime, +With whom the melodies abide Of th' everlasting chime; Who carry +music in their heart Through dusky lane and crowded mart, Plying +their task with busier feet, Because their secret souls a holy +strain repeat.' + +I have an annual holiday, which I generally spend in Wales; and +often in this immediate neighbourhood." + +"I do not wonder at your choice," replied Ruth. "It is a +beautiful country." + +"It is, indeed; and I have been inoculated by an old inn-keeper +at Conway with a love for its people, and history, and +traditions. I have picked up enough of the language to understand +many of their legends; and some are very fine and awe-inspiring, +others very poetic and fanciful." + +Ruth was too shy to keep up the conversation by any remark of her +own, although his gentle, pensive manner was very winning. + +"For instance," said he, touching a long bud-laden stem of +foxglove in the hedge-aide, at the bottom of which one or two +crimson-speckled flowers were bursting from their green sheaths, +"I dare say, you don't know what makes this fox-glove bend and +sway so gracefully. You think it is blown by the wind, don't +you?" He looked at her with a grave smile, which did not enliven +his thoughtful eyes, but gave an inexpressible sweetness to his +face. + +"I always thought it was the wind. What is it?" asked Ruth +innocently. + +"Oh, the Welsh tell you that this flower is sacred to the +fairies, and that it has the power of recognising them, and all +spiritual beings who pass by, and that it bows in deference to +them as they waft along. Its Welsh name is Maneg Ellyllyn--the +good people's glove; and hence, I imagine, our folk's-glove or +fox-glove." + +"It's a very pretty fancy," said Ruth, much interested, and +wishing that he would go on, without expecting her to reply. But +they were already at the wooden bridge; he led her across, and +then, bowing his adieu, he had taken a different path even before +Ruth had thanked him for his attention. + +It was an adventure to tell Mr. Bellingham, however; and it +aroused and amused him till dinner-time came, after which he +sauntered forth with a cigar. + +"Ruth," said he, when he returned, "I've seen your little +hunchback. He looks like Riquet-with-the-Tuft. He's not a +gentleman, though. If it had not been for his deformity, I should +not have made him out from your description; you called him a +gentleman." + +"And don't you?" asked Ruth, surprised. + +"Oh, no! he's regularly shabby and seedy in his appearance; +lodging, too, the ostler told me, over that horrible +candle-and-cheese shop, the smell of which is insufferable twenty +yards off--no gentleman could endure it; he must be a traveller +or artist, or something of that kind." + +"Did you see his face?" asked Ruth. + +"No; but a man's back--his tout ensemble has character enough in +it to decide his rank." + +"His face was very singular; quite beautiful!" said she softly; +but the subject did not interest Mr. Bellingham, and he let it +drop. + + +CHAPTER VI + + +TROUBLES GATHER ABOUT RUTH + +The next day the weather was brave and glorious; a perfect +"bridal of the earth and sky;" and every one turned out of the +inn to enjoy the fresh beauty of nature. Ruth was quite +unconscious of being the object of remark; and, in her light, +rapid passings to and fro, had never looked at the doors and +windows, where many watchers stood observing her, and commenting +upon her situation or her appearance. + +"She's a very lovely creature," said one gentleman, rising from +the breakfast-table to catch a glimpse of her as she entered from +her morning's ramble. "Not above sixteen I should think. Very +modest and innocent-looking in her white gown!" + +His wife, busy administering to the wants of a fine little boy, +could only say (without seeing the young girl's modest ways, and +gentle, downcast countenance)-- + +"Well! I do think it's a shame such people should be allowed to +come here. To think of such wickedness under the same roof! Do +come away, my dear, and don't flatter her by such notice." + +The husband returned to the breakfast-table; he smelt the broiled +ham and eggs, and he heard his wife's commands. Whether smelling +or hearing had most to do in causing his obedience, I cannot +tell; perhaps you can. + +"Now, Harry, go and see if nurse and baby are ready to go out +with you. You must lose no time this beautiful morning." + +Ruth found Mr. Bellingham was not yet come down; so she sallied +out for an additional half-hour's ramble. Flitting about through +the village, trying to catch all the beautiful sunny peeps at the +scenery between the cold stone houses, which threw the radiant +distance into aerial perspective far away, she passed by the +little shop; and, just issuing from it, came the nurse and baby, +and little boy. The baby sat in placid dignity in her nurse's +arms, with a face of queenly calm. Her fresh, soft, peachy +complexion was really tempting; and Ruth, who was always fond of +children, went up to coo and to smile at the little thing, and +after some "peep-boing," she was about to snatch a kiss, when +Harry, whose face had been reddening ever since the play began, +lifted up his sturdy little right arm and hit Ruth a great blow +on the face. + +"Oh, for shame, sir!" said the nurse, snatching back his hand; +"how dare you do that to the lady who is so kind as to speak to +Sissy!" + +"She's not a lady!" said he indignantly. "She's a bad, naughty +girl--mamma; said so, she did; and she shan't kiss our baby." + +The nurse reddened in her turn. She knew what he must have heard; +but it was awkward to bring it out, standing face to face with +the elegant young lady. + +"Children pick up such notions, ma'am," said she at last, +apologetically, to Ruth, who stood, white and still, with a new +idea running through her mind. + +"It's no notion; it's true, nurse; and I heard you say it +yourself. Go away, naughty woman!" said the boy, in infantile +vehemence of passion to Ruth. To the nurse's infinite relief, +Ruth turned away, humbly and meekly, with bent head, and slow, +uncertain steps. But as she turned, she saw the mild sad face of +the deformed gentleman, who was sitting at the open window above +the shop; he looked sadder and graver than ever; and his eyes met +her glance with an expression of deep sorrow. And so, condemned +alike by youth and age, she stole with timid step into the house. +Mr. Bellingham was awaiting her in the sitting-room. The glorious +day restored all his buoyancy of spirits. He talked gaily away, +without pausing for a reply; while Ruth made tea, and tried to +calm her heart, which was yet beating with the agitation of the +new ideas she had received from the occurrence of the morning. +Luckily for her, the only answers required for some time were +mono-syllables; but those few words were uttered in so depressed +and mournful a tone, that at last they struck Mr. Bellingham with +surprise and displeasure, as the condition of mind they +unconsciously implied did not harmonise with his own. + +"Ruth, what is the matter this morning? You really are very +provoking. Yesterday, when everything was gloomy, and you might +have been aware that I was out of spirits, I heard nothing but +expressions of delight; to-day, when every creature under heaven +is rejoicing, you look most deplorable and woe-begone. You really +should learn to have a little sympathy." + +The tears fell quickly down Ruth's cheeks, but she did not speak. +She could not put into words the sense she was just beginning to +entertain of the estimation in which she was henceforward to be +held. She thought he would be as much grieved as she was at what +had taken place that morning; she fancied she should sink in his +opinion if she told him how others regarded her; besides, it +seemed ungenerous to dilate upon the suffering of which he was +the cause. + +"I will not," thought she, "embitter his life; I will try and be +cheerful. I must not think of myself so much. If I can but make +him happy, what need I care for chance speeches?" + +Accordingly, she made every effort possible to be as +light-hearted as he was; but, somehow, the moment she relaxed, +thoughts would intrude, and wonders would force themselves upon +her mind: so that altogether she was not the gay and bewitching +companion Mr. Bellingham had previously found her. + +They sauntered out for a walk. The path they chose led to a wood +on the side of a hill, and they entered, glad of the shade of the +trees. At first it appeared like any common grove, but they soon +came to a deep descent, on the summit of which they stood, +looking down on the tree-tops, which were softly waving far +beneath their feet. There was a path leading sharp down, and they +followed it; the ledge of rock made it almost like going down +steps, and their walk grew into a bounding, and their bounding +into a run, before they reached the lowest plane. A green gloom +reigned there; it was the still hour of noon; the little birds +were quiet in some leafy shade. They went on a few yards, and +then they came to a circular pool overshadowed by the trees, +whose highest boughs had been beneath their feet a few minutes +before. The pond was hardly below the surface of the ground, and +there was nothing like a bank on any side. A heron was standing +there motionless, but when he saw them he flapped his wings and +slowly rose; and soared above the green heights of the wood up +into the very sky itself, for at that depth the trees appeared to +touch the round white clouds which brooded over the earth. The +speedwell grew in the shallowest water of the pool, and all +around its margin, but the flowers were hardly seen at first, so +deep was the green shadow cast by the trees. In the very middle +of the pond the sky was mirrored clear and dark, a blue which +looked as if a black void lay behind. + +"Oh, there are water-lilies!" said Ruth, her eye catching on the +farther side. "I must go and get some." + +"No; I will get them for you. The ground is spongy all round +there. Sit still, Ruth; this heap of grass will make a capital +seat." + +He went round, and she waited quietly for his return. When he +came back he took off her bonnet, without speaking, and began to +place his flowers in her hair. She was quite still while he +arranged her coronet, looking up in his face with loving eyes, +with a peaceful composure. She knew that he was pleased from his +manner, which had the joyousness of a child playing with a new +toy, and she did not think twice of his occupation. It was +pleasant to forget everything except his pleasure. When he had +decked her out, he said-- + +"There, Ruth! now you'll do. Come and look at yourself in the +pond. Here, where there are no weeds. Come." + +She obeyed, and could not help seeing her own loveliness; it gave +her a sense of satisfaction for an instant, as the sight of any +other beautiful object would have done, but she never thought of +associating it with herself. She knew that she was beautiful; but +that seemed abstract, and removed from herself. Her existence was +in feeling and thinking, and loving. + +Down in that green hollow they were quite in harmony. Her beauty +was all that Mr. Bellingham cared for, and it was supreme. It was +all he recognised of her, and he was proud of it. She stood in +her white dress against the trees which grew around; her face was +flushed into a brilliancy of colour which resembled that of a +rose in June; the great, heavy, white flowers drooped on either +side of her beautiful head, and if her brown hair was a little +disordered, the very disorder only seemed to add a grace. She +pleased him more by looking so lovely than by all her tender +endeavours to fall in with his varying humour. + +But when they left the wood, and Ruth had taken out her flowers, +and resumed her bonnet, as they came near the inn, the simple +thought of giving him pleasure was not enough to secure Ruth's +peace. She became pensive and sad, and could not rally into +gaiety. + +"Really, Ruth," said he, that evening, "you must not encourage +yourself in this habit of falling into melancholy reveries +without any cause. You have been sighing twenty times during the +last half-hour. Do be a little cheerful. Remember, I have no +companion but you in this out-of-the-way place." + +"I am very sorry," said Ruth, her eyes filling with tears; and +then she remembered that it was very dull for him to be alone +with her, heavy-hearted as she had been all day. She said in a +sweet, penitent tone-- + +"Would you be so kind as to teach me one of those games at cards +you were speaking about yesterday? I would do my best to learn." + +Her soft, murmuring voice won its way. They rang for the cards, +and he soon forgot that there was such a thing as depression or +gloom in the world, in the pleasure of teaching such a beautiful +ignoramus the mysteries of card-playing. + +"There!" said he, at last, "that's enough for one lesson. Do you +know, little goose, your blunders have made me laugh myself into +one of the worst headaches I have had for years." + +He threw himself on the sofa, and in an instant she was by his +side. + +"Let me put my cool hands on your forehead," she begged; "that +used to do mamma good." + +He lay still, his face away from the light, and not speaking. +Presently he fell asleep. Ruth put out the candles, and sat +patiently by him for a long time, fancying he would awaken +refreshed. The room grew cold in the night air; but Ruth dared +not rouse him from what appeared to be sound, restoring slumber. +She covered him with her shawl, which she had thrown over a chair +on coming in from their twilight ramble. She had ample time to +think; but she tried to banish thought. At last, his breathing +became: quick and oppressed, and, after listening to it for some +minutes with increasing affright, Ruth ventured to awaken him. He +seemed stupefied and shivery. Ruth became more and more +terrified; all the household were asleep except one servant-girl, +who was wearied out of what little English she had knowledge of +in more waking hours, and could only answer, "Iss, indeed, +ma'am," to any question put to her by Ruth. + +She sat by the bedside all night long. He moaned and tossed, but +never spoke sensibly. It was a new form of illness to the +miserable Ruth. Her yesterday's suffering went into the black +distance of long-past years. The present was all in all. When she +heard people stirring, she went in search of Mrs. Morgan, whose +shrewd, sharp manners, unsoftened by inward respect for the poor +girl, had awed Ruth even when Mr. Bellingham was by to protect +her. + +"Mrs. Morgan," she said, sitting down in the little parlour +appropriated to the landlady, for she felt her strength suddenly +desert her--"Mrs. Morgan, I'm afraid Mr. Bellingham is very +ill;"--here she burst into tears, but instantly checking herself, +"Oh, what must I do?" continued she; "I don't think he has known +anything all through the night, and he looks so strange and wild +this morning." + +She gazed up into Mrs. Morgan's face, as if reading an oracle. + +"Indeed, miss, ma'am, and it's a very awkward thing. But don't +cry, that can do no good; 'deed it can't. I'll go and see the +poor young man myself, and then I can judge if a doctor is +wanting." + +Ruth followed Mrs. Morgan upstairs. When they entered the +sick-room Mr. Bellingham was sitting up in bed, looking wildly +about him, and as he saw them, he exclaimed-- + +"Ruth! Ruth! come here; I won't be left alone!" and then he fell +down exhausted on the pillow. Mrs. Morgan went up and spoke to +him, but he did not answer or take any notice. + +"I'll send for Mr. Jones, my dear, 'deed and I will; we'll have +him here in a couple of hours, please God." + +"Oh, can't he come sooner?" asked Ruth, wild with terror. + +"'Deed no! he lives at Llanglas when he's at home, and that's +seven mile away, and he may be gone a round eight or nine mile on +the other side Llanglas; but I'll send a boy on the pony +directly." + +Saying this, Mrs. Morgan left Ruth alone. There was nothing to be +done, for Mr. Bellingham had again fallen into heavy sleep. +Sounds of daily life began, bells rang, break-fast-services +clattered up and down the passages, and Ruth sat on shivering by +the bedside in that darkened room. Mrs. Morgan sent her breakfast +upstairs by a chambermaid; but Ruth motioned it away in her sick +agony, and the girl had no right to urge her to partake of it. +That alone broke the monotony of the long morning. She heard the +sound of merry parties setting out on excursions, on horseback or +in carriages; and once, stiff and wearied, she stole to the +window, and looked out on one side of the blind; but the day +looked bright and discordant to her aching, anxious heart. The +gloom of the darkened room was better and more befitting. + +It was some hours after he was summoned before the doctor made +his appearance. He questioned his patient, and, receiving no +coherent answer, he asked Ruth concerning the symptoms; but when +she questioned him in turn he only shook his head and looked +grave. He made a sign to Mrs. Morgan to follow him out of the +room, and they went down to her parlour, leaving Ruth in a depth +of despair, lower than she could have thought it possible there +remained for her to experience, an hour before. + +"I am afraid this is a bad case," said Mr. Jones to Mrs. Morgan +in Welsh. "A brain-fever has evidently set in." + +"Poor young gentleman! poor young man! He looked the very picture +of health!" + +"That very appearance of robustness will, in all probability, +make his disorder more violent. However, we must hope for the +best, Mrs. Morgan. Who is to attend upon him? He will require +careful nursing. Is that young lady his sister? She looks too +young to be his wife?" + +"No, indeed! Gentlemen like you must know, Mr. Jones, that we +can't always look too closely into the ways of young men who come +to our houses. Not but what I am sorry for her, for she's an +innocent, inoffensive young creature. I always think it right, +for my own morals, to put a little scorn into my manners when +such as her come to stay here; but indeed, she's so gentle, I've +found it hard work to show the proper contempt." + +She would have gone on to her inattentive listener if she had not +heard a low tap at the door, which recalled her from her +morality, and Mr. Jones from his consideration of the necessary +prescriptions. + +"Come in!" said Mrs. Morgan sharply. And Ruth came in. She was +white and trembling; but she stood in that dignity which strong +feeling, kept down by self-command, always imparts. + +"I wish you, sir, to be so kind as to tell me, clearly and +distinctly, what I must do for Mr. Bellingham. Every direction +you give me shall be most carefully attended to. You spoke about +leeches--I can put them on, and see about them. Tell me +everything, sir, that you wish to have done!" + +Her manner was calm and serious, and her countenance and +deportment showed that the occasion was calling out strength +sufficient to meet it. Mr. Jones spoke with a deference which he +had not thought of using upstairs, even while he supposed her to +be the sister of the invalid. Ruth listened gravely; she repeated +some of the injunctions, in order that she might be sure that she +fully comprehended them, and then, bowing, left the room. + +"She is no common person," said Mr. Jones. "Still she is too +young to have the responsibility of such a serious case. Have you +any idea where his friends live, Mrs. Morgan?" + +"Indeed and I have. His mother, as haughty a lady as you would +wish to see, came travelling through Wales last year; she stopped +here, and, I warrant you, nothing was good enough for her; she +was real quality. She left some clothes and hooks behind her (for +the maid was almost as fine as the mistress, and little thought +of seeing after her lady's clothes, having a taste for going to +see scenery along with the man-servant), and we had several +letters from her. I have them locked in the drawers in the bar, +where I keep such things." + +"Well, I should recommend your writing to the lady, and telling +her her son's state." + +"It would be a favour, Mr. Jones, if you would just write it +yourself. English writing comes so strange to my pen." + +The letter was written, and, in order to save time, Mr. Jones +took it to the Llanglas post-office. + + +CHAPTER VII + + +THE CRISIS---WATCHING AND WAITING + +Ruth put away every thought of the past or future; everything +that could unfit her for the duties of the present. Exceeding +love supplied the place of experience. She never left the room +after the first day; she forced herself to eat, because his +service needed her strength. She did not indulge in any tears, +because the weeping she longed for would make her less able to +attend upon him. She watched, and waited, and prayed; prayed with +an utter forgetfulness of self, only with a consciousness that +God was all-powerful, and that he, whom she loved so much, needed +the aid of the Mighty One. + +Day and night, the summer night, seemed merged into one. She lost +count of time in the hushed and darkened room. One morning Mrs. +Morgan beckoned her out; and she stole on tiptoe into the +dazzling gallery, on one side of which the bedrooms opened. + +"She's come," whispered Mrs. Morgan, looking very much excited, +and forgetting that Ruth had never heard that Mrs. Bellingham had +been summoned. + +"Who is come?" asked Ruth. The idea of Mrs. Mason flashed through +her mind--but with a more terrible, because a more vague, dread +she heard that it was his mother; the mother of whom he had +always spoken as a person whose opinion was to be regarded more +than that of any other individual. + +"What must I do? Will she be angry with me?" said she, relapsing +into her child-like dependence on others; and feeling that even +Mrs. Morgan was some one to stand between her and Mrs. +Bellingham. + +Mrs. Morgan herself was a little perplexed. Her morality was +rather shocked at the idea of a proper real lady like Mrs. +Bellingham discovering that she had winked at the connection +between her son and Ruth. She was quite inclined to encourage +Ruth in her inclination to shrink out of Mrs. Bellingham's +observation, an inclination which arose from no definite +consciousness of having done wrong, but principally from the +representations she had always heard of the lady's awfulness. +Mrs. Bellingham swept into her son's room as if she were +unconscious what poor young creature had lately haunted it; while +Ruth hurried into some unoccupied bedroom, and, alone there, she +felt her self-restraint suddenly give way, and burst into the +saddest, most utterly wretched weeping she had ever known. She +was worn out with watching, and exhausted by passionate crying, +and she lay down on the bed and fell asleep. The day passed on; +she slumbered unnoticed and unregarded; she awoke late in the +evening with a sense of having done wrong in sleeping so long; +the strain upon her responsibility had not yet left her. Twilight +was closing fast around; she waited until it had become night, +and then she stole down to Mrs. Morgan's parlour. + +"If you please, may I come in?" asked she. + +Jenny Morgan was doing up the hieroglyphics which she called her +accounts; she answered sharp enough, but it was a permission to +enter, and Ruth was thankful for it. + +"Will you tell me how he is? Do you think I may go back to him?" + +"No, indeed, that you may not. Nest, who has made his room tidy +these many days, is not fit to go in now. Mrs. Bellingham has +brought her own maid, and the family nurse and Mr. Bellingham's +man; such a tribe of servants, and no end to packages; water-beds +coming by the carrier, and a doctor from London coming down +to-morrow, as if feather-beds and Mr. Jones was not good enough. +Why, she won't let a soul of us into the room; there's no chance +for you!" + +Ruth sighed. "How is he?" she inquired, after a pause. + +"How can I tell, indeed, when I am not allowed to go near him? +Mr. Jones said to-night was a turning-point; but I doubt it, for +it is four days since he was taken ill, and who ever heard of a +sick person taking a turn on an even number of days? It's alway +on the third, or the fifth, or seventh, or so on. He'll not turn +till to-morrow night, take my word for it, and their fine London +doctor will get all the credit, and honest Mr. Jones will be +thrown aside. I don't think he will get better myself, +though--Gelert does not howl for nothing. My patience what's the +matter with the girl?--Lord, child, you're never going to faint, +and be ill on my hands?" Her sharp voice recalled Ruth from the +sick unconsciousness that had been creeping over her as she +listened to the latter part of this speech. She sat down and +could not speak--the room whirled round and round--her white +feebleness touched Mrs. Morgan's heart. + +"You've had no tea, I guess. Indeed, and the girls are very +careless." She rang the bell with energy, and seconded her pull +by going to the door and shouting out sharp directions, in Welsh, +to Nest and Gwen, and three or four other rough, kind, slatternly +servants. + +They brought her tea, which was comfortable, according to the +idea of comfort prevalent in that rude hospitable place; there +was plenty to eat; too much indeed, for it revolted the appetite +it was intended to provoke. But the heartiness with which the +kind rosy waiter pressed her to eat, and the scolding Mrs. Morgan +gave her when she found the buttered toast untouched (toast on +which she had herself desired that the butter might not be +spared), did Ruth more good than the tea. She began to hope, and +to long for the morning when hope might have become certainty. It +was all in vain that she was told that the room she had been in +all day was at her service; she did not say a word, but she was +not going to bed that night of all nights in the year, when life +or death hung trembling in the balance. She went into the bedroom +till the bustling house was still, and heard busy feet passing to +and fro into the room she might not enter; and voices, imperious, +though hushed down to a whisper, ask for innumerable things. Then +there was silence: and when she thought that all were dead +asleep, except the watchers, she stole out into the gallery. On +the other side were two windows, cut into the thick stone wall, +and flower-pots were placed on the shelves thus formed, where +great untrimmed, straggling geraniums grew, and strove to reach +the light. The window near Mr. Bellingham's door was open; the +soft, warm-scented night-air came sighing in in faint gusts, and +then was still. It was summer; there was no black darkness in the +twenty-four hours; only the light grew dusky, and colour +disappeared from objects, of which the shape and form remained +distinct. A soft grey oblong of barred light fell on the flat +wall opposite to the windows, and deeper grey shadows marked out +the tracery of the plants, more graceful thus than in reality. +Ruth crouched where no light fell. She sat on the ground close by +the door; her whole existence was absorbed in listening: all was +still; it was only her heart beating with the strong, heavy, +regular sound of a hammer. She wished she could stop its rushing, +incessant clang. She heard a rustle of a silken gown, and knew it +ought not to have been worn in a sick-room; for her senses seemed +to have passed into the keeping of the invalid, and to feel only +as he felt. The noise was probably occasioned by some change of +posture in the watcher inside, for it was once more dead-still. +The soft wind outside sank with a low, long, distant moan among +the windings of the hills, and lost itself there, and came no +more again. But Ruth's heart beat loud. She rose with as little +noise as if she were a vision, and crept to the open window to +try and lose the nervous listening for the ever-recurring sound. +Out beyond, under the calm sky, veiled with a mist rather than +with a cloud, rose the high, dark outlines of the mountains, +shutting in that village as if it lay in a nest. They stood, like +giants, solemnly watching for the end of Earth and Time. Here and +there a black round shadow reminded Ruth of some "Cwm," or +hollow, where she and her lover had rambled in sun and in +gladness. She then thought the land enchanted into everlasting +brightness and happiness; she fancied, then, that into a region +so lovely no bale or woe could enter, but would be charmed away +and disappear before the sight of the glorious guardian +mountains. Now she knew the truth, that earth has no barrier +which avails against agony. It comes lightning-like down from +heaven, into the mountain house and the town garret; into the +palace and into the cottage. The garden lay close under the +house; a bright spot enough by day; for in that soil, whatever +was planted grew and blossomed in spite of neglect. The white +roses glimmered out in the dusk all the night through; the red +were lost in shadow. Between the low boundary of the garden and +the hills swept one or two green meadows; Ruth looked into the +grey darkness till she traced each separate wave of outline. Then +she heard a little restless bird chirp out its wakefulness from a +nest in the ivy round the walls of the house. But the mother-bird +spread her soft feathers, and hushed it into silence. Presently, +however, many little birds began to scent the coming dawn, and +rustled among the leaves, and chirruped loud and clear. Just +above the horizon, too, the mist became a silvery grey cloud +hanging on the edge of the world; presently it turned shimmering +white; and then, in an instant, it flushed into rose, and the +mountain-tops sprang into heaven, and bathed in the presence of +the shadow of God. With a bound, the sun of a molten fiery red +came above the horizon, and immediately thousands of little birds +sang out for joy, and a soft chorus of mysterious, glad murmurs +came forth from the earth; the low whispering wind left its +hiding-place among the clefts and hollows of the hills, and +wandered among the rustling herbs and trees, waking the +flower-buds to the life of another day. Ruth gave a sigh of +relief that the night was over and gone; for she knew that soon +suspense would be ended, and the verdict known, whether for life +or for death. She grew faint and sick with anxiety; it almost +seemed as if she must go into the room and learn the truth. Then +she heard movements, but they were not sharp nor rapid, as if +prompted by any emergency; then, again, it was still. She sat +curled up upon the floor, with her head thrown back against the +wall, and her hands clasped round her knees. She had yet to wait. +Meanwhile, the invalid was slowly rousing himself from a long, +deep, sound, health-giving sleep. His mother had sat by him the +night through, and was now daring to change her position for the +first time; she was even venturing to give directions in a low +voice to the old nurse, who had dozed away in an arm-chair, ready +to obey any summons of her mistress. Mrs. Bellingham went on +tiptoe towards the door, and chiding herself because her stiff, +weary limbs made some slight noise. She had an irrepressible +longing for a few minutes' change of scene after her night of +watching. She felt that the crisis was over; and the relief to +her mind made her conscious of every bodily feeling and +irritation, which had passed unheeded as long as she had been in +suspense. + +She slowly opened the door. Ruth sprang upright at the first +sound of the creaking handle. Her very lips were stiff and +unpliable with the force of the blood which rushed to her head. +It seemed as if she could not form words. She stood right before +Mrs. Bellingham. "How is he, madam?" + +Mrs. Bellingham was for a moment surprised at the white +apparition which seemed to rise out of the ground. But her quick, +proud mind understood it all in an instant. This was the girl, +then, whose profligacy had led her son astray; had raised up +barriers in the way of her favourite scheme of his marriage with +Miss Duncombe; nay, this was the real cause of his illness, his +mortal danger at this present time, and of her bitter, keen +anxiety. If, under any circumstances, Mrs. Bellingham could have +been guilty of the ill-breeding of not answering a question, it +was now; and for a moment she was tempted to pass on in silence. +Ruth could not wait; she spoke again-- + +"For the love of God, madam, speak! How is he? Will he live?" If +she did not answer her, she thought the creature was desperate +enough to force her way into his room. So she spoke-- + +"He has slept well: he is better." + +"Oh! my God, I thank thee," murmured Ruth, sinking back against +the wall. It was too much to hear this wretched girl thanking God +for her son's life; as if, in fact, she had any lot or part in +him. And to dare to speak to the Almighty on her son's behalf! +Mrs. Bellingham looked at her with cold, contemptuous eyes, whose +glances were like ice-bolts, and made Ruth shiver up away from +them. + +"Young woman, if you have any propriety or decency left, I trust +that you will not dare to force yourself into his room." + +She stood for a moment as if awaiting an answer, and half +expecting it to be a defiance. But she did not understand Ruth. +She did not imagine the faithful trustfulness of her heart. Ruth +believed that, if Mr. Bellingham was alive and likely to live, +all was well. When he wanted her, he would send for her, ask for +her, yearn for her, till every one would yield before his +steadfast will. At present she imagined that he was probably too +weak to care or know who was about him; and though it would have +been an infinite delight to her to hover and brood around him, +yet it was of him she thought and not of herself. She gently drew +herself on one side to make way for Mrs. Bellingham to pass. + +By and by Mrs. Morgan came up. Ruth was still near the door, from +which it seemed as if she could not tear herself away. + +"Indeed, miss, and you must not hang about the door in this way; +it is not pretty manners. Mrs. Bellingham has been speaking very +sharp and cross about it, and I shall lose the character of my +inn if people take to talking as she does. Did I not give you a +room last night to keep in, and never be seen or heard of; and +did I not tell you what a particular lady Mrs. Bellingham was, +but you must come out here right in her way? Indeed, it was not +pretty, nor grateful to me, Jenny Morgan, and that I must say." + +Ruth turned away like a chidden child. Mrs. Morgan followed her +to her room, scolding as she went; and then, having cleared her +heart after her wont by uttering hasty words, her real kindness +made her add, in a softened tone-- + +"You stop up here like a good girl. I'll send you your breakfast +by-and-by, and let you know from time to time how he is; and you +can go out for a walk, you know: but if you do, I'll take it as a +favour if you'll go out by the side-door. It will, maybe, save +scandal." + +All that day long, Ruth kept herself close prisoner in the room +to which Mrs. Morgan accorded her; all that day, and many +succeeding days. But at nights, when the house was still, and +even the little brown mice had gathered up the crumbs, and darted +again to their holes, Ruth stole out, and crept to his door to +catch, if she could, the sound of his beloved voice. She could +tell by its tones how he felt, and how he was getting on, as well +as any of the watchers in the room. She yearned and pined to see +him once more; but she had reasoned herself down into something +like patience. When he was well enough to leave his room, when he +had not always one of the nurses with him, then he would send for +her, and she would tell him how very patient she had been for his +dear sake. But it was long to wait, even with this thought of the +manner in which the waiting would end. Poor Ruth! her faith was +only building up vain castles in the air; they towered up into +heaven, it is true; but, after all, they were but visions. + + +CHAPTER VIII + + +MRS. BELLINGHAM "DOES THE THING HANDSOMELY" + +If Mr. Bellingham did not get rapidly well, it was more owing to +the morbid querulous fancy attendant on great weakness than from +any unfavourable medical symptom. But he turned away with peevish +loathing from the very sight of food, prepared in the slovenly +manner which had almost disgusted him when he was well. It was of +no use telling him that Simpson, his mother's maid, had +superintended the preparation at every point. He offended her by +detecting something offensive and to be avoided in her daintiest +messes, and made Mrs. Morgan mutter many a hasty speech, which, +however, Mrs. Bellingham thought it better not to hear until her +son should be strong enough to travel. + +"I think you are better to-day," said she, as his man wheeled his +sofa to the bedroom window. "We shall get you downstairs +to-morrow." + +"If you were to get away from this abominable place, I could go +down to-day; but I believe I'm to be kept prisoner here for ever. +I shall never get well here, I'm sure." + +He sank back on his sofa in impatient despair. The surgeon was +announced, and eagerly questioned by Mrs. Bellingham as to the +possibility of her son's removal; and he, having heard the same +anxiety for the same end expressed by Mrs. Morgan in the regions +below, threw no great obstacles in the way. After the doctor had +taken his departure, Mrs. Bellingham cleared her throat several +times. Mr. Bellingham knew the prelude of old, and winced with +nervous annoyance. + +"Henry, there is something I must speak to you about; an +unpleasant subject, certainly, but one which has been forced upon +me by the very girl herself; you must be aware to what I refer +without giving me the pain of explaining myself." Mr. Bellingham +turned himself sharply round to the wall, and prepared himself +for a lecture by concealing his face from her notice; but she +herself was in too nervous a state to be capable of observation. + +"Of course," she continued, "it was my wish to be as blind to the +whole affair as possible, though you can't imagine how Mrs. Mason +has blazoned it abroad; all Fordham rings with it but of course +it could not be pleasant, or, indeed, I may say correct, for me +to be aware that a person of such improper character was under +the same--I beg your pardon, dear Henry, what do you say?" + +"Ruth is no improper character, mother; you do her injustice!" + +"My dear boy, you don't mean to uphold her as a paragon of +virtue!" + +"No, mother, but I led her wrong; I----" + +"We will let all discussions into the cause or duration of her +present character drop, if you please," said Mrs. Bellingham, +with the sort of dignified authority which retained a certain +power over her son--a power which originated in childhood, and +which he only defied when he was roused into passion. He was too +weak in body to oppose himself to her, and fight the ground inch +by inch. "As I have implied, I do not wish to ascertain your +share of blame; from what I saw of her one morning, I am +convinced of her forward, intrusive manners, utterly without +shame, or even common modesty." + +"What are you referring to?" asked Mr. Bellingham sharply. + +"Why, when you were at the worst, and I had been watching you all +night, and had just gone out in the morning for a breath of fresh +air, this girl pushed herself before me, and insisted upon +speaking to me. I really had to send Mrs. Morgan to her before I +could return to your room. A more impudent, hardened manner, I +never saw." + +"Ruth was neither impudent nor hardened; she was ignorant enough, +and might offend from knowing no better." + +He was getting weary of the discussion, and wished it had never +been begun. From the time he had become conscious of his mother's +presence he had felt the dilemma he was in, in regard to Ruth, +and various plans had directly crossed his brain; but it had been +so troublesome to weigh and consider them all properly, that they +had been put aside to be settled when he grew stronger. But this +difficulty in which he was placed by his connection with Ruth, +associated the idea of her in his mind with annoyance and angry +regret at the whole affair. He wished, in the languid way in +which he wished and felt everything not immediately relating to +his daily comfort, that he had never seen her. It was a most +awkward, a most unfortunate affair. Notwithstanding this +annoyance connected with and arising out of Ruth, he would not +submit to hear her abused; and something in his manner impressed +this on his mother, for she immediately changed her mode of +attack. + +"We may as well drop all dispute as to the young woman's manners; +but I suppose you do not mean to defend your connection with her; +I suppose you are not so lost to all sense of propriety as to +imagine it fit or desirable that your mother and this degraded +girl should remain under the same roof, liable to meet at any +hour of the day?" She waited for an answer, but no answer came. + +"I ask you a simple question; is it, or is it not, desirable?" + +"I suppose it is not," he replied gloomily. + +"And I suppose, from your manner, that you think the difficulty +would be best solved by my taking my departure, and leaving you +with your vicious companion?" Again no answer, but inward and +increasing annoyance, of which Mr. Bellingham considered Ruth the +cause. At length he spoke-- + +"Mother, you are not helping me in my difficulty. I have no +desire to banish you, nor to hurt you, after all your care for +me. Ruth has not been so much to blame as you imagine, that I +must say; but I do not wish to see her again, if you can tell me +how to arrange it otherwise, without behaving unhandsomely. Only +spare me all this worry a while, I am so weak. I put myself in +your hands. Dismiss her, as you wish it; but let it be done +handsomely, and let me hear no more about it; I cannot bear it; +let me have a quiet life, without being lectured, while I am pent +up here, and unable to shake off unpleasant thoughts." + +"My dear Henry, rely upon me." + +"No more, mother; it's a bad business, and I can hardly avoid +blaming myself in the matter. I don't want to dwell upon it." + +"Don't be too severe in your self-reproaches while you are so +feeble, dear Henry; it is right to repent, but I have no doubt +in my own mind she led you wrong with her artifices. But, as you +say, everything should be done handsomely. I confess I was deeply +grieved when I first heard of the affair, but since I have seen +the girl----Well! I'll say no more about her, since I see it +displeases you; but I am thankful to God that you see the error +of your ways. She sat silent, thinking for a little while, and +then sent for her writing-case and began to write. Her son became +restless, and nervously irritated. + +"Mother," he said, "this affair worries me to death. I cannot +shake off the thoughts of it." + +"Leave it to me, I'll arrange it satisfactorily." + +"Could we not leave to-night? I should not be so haunted by this +annoyance in another place. I dread seeing her again, because I +fear a scene; and yet I believe I ought to see her in order to +explain." + +"You must not think of such a thing, Henry," said she, alarmed at +the very idea. + +"Sooner than that, we will leave in half-an-hour, and try to get +to Pen tre Voelas to-night. It is not yet three, and the evenings +are very long. Simpson should stay and finish the packing; she +could go straight to London and meet us there. Macdonald and +nurse could go with us. Could you bear twenty miles, do you +think?" + +Anything to get rid of his uneasiness. He felt that he was not +behaving as he should do to Ruth, though the really right never +entered his head. But it would extricate him from his present +dilemma, and save him many lectures; he knew that his mother, +always liberal where money was concerned, would "do the thing +handsomely"; and it would always be easy to write and give Ruth +what explanation he felt inclined, in a day or two; so he +consented, and soon lost some of his uneasiness in watching the +bustle of the preparation for their departure. All this time Ruth +was quietly spending in her room, beguiling the waiting, weary +hours, with pictures of the meeting at the end. Her room looked +to the back, and was in a side-wing away from the principal state +apartments, consequently she was not roused to suspicion by any +of the commotion; but, indeed, if she had heard the banging of +doors, the sharp directions, the carriage-wheels, she would still +not have suspected the truth; her own love was too faithful. + +It was four o'clock and past, when some one knocked at her door, +and, on entering, gave her a note, which Mrs. Bellingham had +left. That lady had found some difficulty in wording it so as to +satisfy herself, but it was as follows:-- + +"My son, on recovering from his illness, is, I thank God, happily +conscious of the sinful way in which he has been living with you. +By his earnest desire, and in order to avoid seeing you again, we +are on the point of leaving this place; but, before I go, I wish +to exhort you to repentance, and to remind you that you will not +have your own guilt alone upon your head, but that of any young +man whom you may succeed in entrapping into vice. I shall pray +that you may turn to an honest life, and I strongly recommend +you, if indeed you are not 'dead in trespasses and sins,' to +enter some penitentiary. In accordance with my son's wishes, I +forward you in this envelope a bank-note of fifty pounds. + +"MARGARET BELLINGHAM." + +Was this the end of all? Had he, indeed, gone? She started up, +and asked this last question of the servant, who, half guessing +at the purport of the note, had lingered about the room, curious +to see the effect produced. + +"Iss, indeed, miss; the carriage drove from the door as I came +upstairs. You'll see it now on the Yspytty road, if you'll please +to come to the window of No. 24." + +Ruth started up and followed the chambermaid. Ay, there it was, +slowly winding up the steep, white road, on which it seemed to +move at a snail's pace. + +She might overtake him--she might--she might speak one farewell +word to him, print his face on her heart with a last look--nay, +when he saw her he might retract, and not utterly, for ever, +leave her. Thus she thought; and she flew back to her room, and +snatching up her bonnet, ran, tying the strings with her +trembling hands as she went down the stairs, out at the nearest +door, little heeding the angry words of Mrs. Morgan; for the +hostess, more irritated at Mrs. Bellingham's severe upbraiding at +parting, than mollified by her ample payment, was offended by the +circumstance of Ruth, in her wild haste, passing through the +prohibited front door. + +But Ruth was away before Mrs. Morgan had finished her speech, out +and away, scudding along the road, thought-lost in the breathless +rapidity of her motion. Though her heart and head beat almost to +bursting, what did it signify if she could but overtake the +carriage? It was a nightmare, constantly evading the most +passionate wishes and endeavours, and constantly gaining ground. +Every time it was visible it was in fact more distant, but Ruth +would not believe it. If she could but gain the summit of that +weary everlasting hill, she believed that she could run again, +and would soon be nigh upon the carriage. As she ran she prayed +with wild eagerness; she prayed that she might see his face once +more, even if she died on the spot before him. It was one of +those prayers which God is too merciful to grant; but, despairing +and wild as it was, Ruth put her soul into it, and prayed it +again, and yet again. + +Wave above wave of the ever-rising hills were gained, were +crossed, and at last Ruth struggled up to the very top and stood +on the bare table of moor, brown and purple, stretching far away +till it was lost in the haze of the summer afternoon; the white +road was all flat before her, but the carriage she sought, and +the figure she sought, had disappeared. There was no human being +there; a few wild, black-faced mountain sheep, quietly grazing +near the road as if it were long since they had been disturbed, +by the passing of any vehicle, was all the life she saw on the +bleak moorland. + +She threw herself down on the ling by the side of the road, in +despair. Her only hope was to die, and she believed she was +dying. She could not think; she could believe anything. Surely +life was a horrible dream, and God would mercifully awaken her +from it? She had no penitence, no consciousness of error or +offence no knowledge of any one circumstance but that he was +gone. Yet afterwards--long afterwards--she remembered the exact +motion of a bright green beetle busily meandering among the wild +thyme near her, and she recalled the musical, balanced, wavering +drop of a skylark into her nest, near the heather-bed where she +lay. The sun was sinking low, the hot air had ceased to quiver +near the hotter earth, when she bethought her once more of the +note which she had impatiently thrown down before half mastering +its contents. "Oh, perhaps," she thought, "I have been too hasty. +There may be some words of explanation from him on the other side +of the page, to which, in my blind anguish, I never turned. I +will go and find it." + +She lifted herself heavily and stiffly from the crushed heather. +She stood dizzy and confused with her change of posture; and was +so unable to move at first, that her walk was but slow and +tottering; but, by-and-by, she was tasked and goaded by thoughts +which forced her into rapid motion, as if, by it, she could +escape from her agony. She came down on the level ground, just as +many gay or peaceful groups were sauntering leisurely home with +hearts at ease; with low laughs and quiet smiles, and many an +exclamation at the beauty of the summer evening. + +Ever since her adventure with the little boy and his sister, Ruth +had habitually avoided encountering these happy--innocents, may I +call them?--these happy fellow-mortals! And even now, the habit +grounded on sorrowful humiliation had power over her; she paused, +and then, on looking back, she saw more people who had come into +the main road from a side-path. She opened a gate into a +pasture-field, and crept up to the hedge-bank until all should +have passed by, and she could steal into the inn unseen. She sat +down on the sloping turf by the roots of an old hawthorn tree +which grew in the hedge; she was still tearless, with hot burning +eyes; she heard the merry walkers pass by; she heard the +footsteps of the village children as they ran along to their +evening play; she saw the small black cows come into the fields +after being milked; and life seemed yet abroad. When would the +world be still and dark, and fit for such a deserted, desolate +creature as she was? Even in her hiding-place she was not long at +peace. The little children, with their curious eyes peering here +and there, had peeped through the hedge, and through the gate, +and now they gathered from all the four corners of the hamlet, +and crowded round the gate; and one more adventurous than the +rest had run into the field to cry, "Gi' me a halfpenny," which +set the example to every little one, emulous of his boldness; and +there, where she sat, low on the ground, and longing for the sure +hiding-place earth gives to the weary, the children kept running +in, and pushing one another forwards and laughing. Poor things! +their time had not come for understanding what sorrow is. Ruth +would have begged them to leave her alone, and not madden her +utterly; but they knew no English save the one eternal "Gi' me a +halfpenny." She felt in her heart that there was no pity +anywhere. Suddenly, while she thus doubted God, a shadow fell +across her garments, on which her miserable eyes were bent. She +looked up. The deformed gentleman she had twice before seen stood +there. He had been attracted by the noisy little crowd, and had +questioned them in Welsh; but, not understanding enough of the +language to comprehend their answers, he had obeyed their signs, +and entered the gate to which they pointed. There he saw the +young girl whom he had noticed at first for her innocent beauty, +and the second time for the idea he had gained respecting her +situation; there he saw her, crouched up like some hunted +creature, with a wild, scared look of despair, which almost made +her lovely face seem fierce; he saw her dress soiled and dim, her +bonnet crushed and battered with her tossings to and fro on the +moorland bed; he saw the poor, lost wanderer, and when he saw her +he had compassion on her. + +There was some look of heavenly pity In his eyes, as gravely and +sadly they met her upturned gaze, which touched her stony heart. +Still looking at him, as if drawing some good influence from him, +she said low and mournfully, "He has left me, sir!--sir, he has +indeed!--he has gone and left me!" + +Before he could speak a word to comfort her, she had burst into +the wildest, dreariest crying ever mortal cried. The settled form +of the event, when put into words, went sharp to her heart; her +moans and sobs wrung his soul; but, as no speech of his could be +heard, if he had been able to decide what best to say, he stood +by her in apparent calmness, while she, wretched, wailed and +uttered her woe. But when she lay worn out, and stupefied into +silence, she heard him say to himself in a low voice-- + +"Oh, my God! for Christ's sake, pity her!" + +Ruth lifted up her eyes, and looked at him with a dim perception +of the meaning of his words. She regarded him fixedly in a dreamy +way, as if they struck some chord in her heart, and she were +listening to its echo; and so it was. His pitiful look, or his +words, reminded her of the childish days when she knelt at her +mother's knee; and she was only conscious of a straining, longing +desire to recall it all. + +He let her take her time, partly because he was powerfully +affected himself by all the circumstances, and by the sad pale +face upturned to his; and partly by an instinctive consciousness +that the softest patience was required. But suddenly she startled +him, as she herself was startled into a keen sense of the +suffering agony of the present; she sprang up and pushed him +aside, and went rapidly towards the gate of the field. He could +not move as quickly as most men, but he put forth his utmost +speed. He followed across the road, on to the rocky common; but, +as he went along, with his uncertain gait, in the dusk gloaming, +he stumbled, and fell over some sharp projecting stone. The acute +pain which shot up his back forced a short cry from him; and, +when bird and beast are hushed into rest and the stillness of +night is over all, a high-pitched sound, like the voice of pain, +is carried far in the quiet air. Ruth, speeding on in her +despair, heard the sharp utterance, and stopped suddenly short. +It did what no remonstrance could have done; it called her out of +herself. The tender nature was in her still, in that hour when +all good angels seemed to have abandoned her. In the old days she +could never bear to hear or see bodily suffering in any of God's +meanest creatures, without trying to succour them; and now, in +her rush to the awful death of the suicide, she stayed her wild +steps, and turned to find from whom that sharp sound of anguish +had issued. + +He lay among the white stones, too faint with pain to move, but +with an agony in his mind far keener than any bodily pain, as he +thought that by his unfortunate fall he had lost all chance of +saving her. He was almost over-powered by his intense +thankfulness when he saw her white figure pause, and stand +listening, and turn again with slow footsteps, as if searching +for some lost thing. He could hardly speak, but he made a sound +which, though his heart was inexpressibly glad, was like a groan. +She came quickly towards him. + +"I am hurt," said he; "do not leave me;" his disabled and tender +frame was overcome by the accident and the previous emotions, and +he fainted away. Ruth flew to the little mountain stream, the +dashing sound of whose waters had been tempting her, but a moment +before, to seek forgetfulness in the deep pool into which they +fell. She made a basin of her joined hands, and carried enough of +the cold fresh water back to dash into his face and restore him +to consciousness. While he still kept silence, uncertain what to +say best fitted to induce her to listen to him, she said softly-- + +"Are you better, sir?--are you very much hurt?" + +"Not very much; I am better. Any quick movement is apt to cause +me a sudden loss of power in my back, and I believe I stumbled +over some of these projecting stones. It will soon go off; and +you will help me to go home, I am sure." + +"Oh, yes! Can you go now? I am afraid of your lying too long on +this heather; there is a heavy dew." + +He was so anxious to comply with her wish, and not weary out her +thought for him, and so turn her back upon herself, that he tried +to rise. The pain was acute, and this she saw. + +"Don't hurry yourself, sir; I can wait." + +Then came across her mind the recollection of the business that +was thus deferred; but the few homely words which had been +exchanged between them seemed to have awakened her from her +madness. She sat down by him, and covering her face with her +hands, cried mournfully and unceasingly. She forgot his presence, +and yet she had a consciousness that some one looked for her kind +offices, that she was wanted in the world, and must not rush +hastily out of it. The consciousness did not 'take this definite +form, it did not become a thought, but it kept her still, and it +was gradually soothing her. + +"Can you help me to rise now?" said he, after a while. She did +not speak, but she helped him up, and then he took her arm, and +she led him tenderly through all the little velvet paths, where +the turf grew short and soft between the rugged stones. Once more +on the highway, they slowly passed along in the moonlight. He +guided her by a slight motion of the arm, through the more +unfrequented lanes, to his lodgings at the shop; for he thought +for her, and conceived the pain she would have in seeing the +lighted windows of the inn. He leant more heavily on her arm, as +they awaited the opening of the door. + +"Come in," said he, not relaxing his hold, and yet dreading to +tighten it, lest she should defy restraint, and once more rush +away. + +They went slowly into the little parlour behind the shop. The +bonny-looking hostess, Mrs. Hughes by name, made haste to light +the candle, and then they saw each other, face to face. The +deformed gentleman looked very pale, but Ruth looked as if the +shadow of death was upon her. + + +CHAPTER IX + + +THE STORM-SPIRIT SUBDUED + +Mrs. Hughes bustled about with many a sympathetic exclamation, +now in pretty broken English, now in more fluent Welsh, which +sounded as soft as Russian or Italian, in her musical voice. Mr. +Benson, for that was the name of the hunchback, lay on the sofa +thinking; while the tender Mrs. Hughes made every arrangement for +his relief from pain. He had lodged with her for three successive +years, and she knew and loved him. + +Ruth stood in the little bow-window, looking out. Across the +moon, and over the deep blue heavens, large, torn, +irregular-shaped clouds went hurrying, as if summoned by some +storm-spirit. The work they were commanded to do was not here; +the mighty gathering-place lay eastward, immeasurable leagues; +and on they went, chasing each other over the silent earth, now +black, now silver-white at one transparent edge, now with the +moon shining like Hope through their darkest centre, now again +with a silver lining; and now, utterly black, they sailed lower +in the lift, and disappeared behind the immovable mountains; they +were rushing in the very direction in which Ruth had striven and +struggled to go that afternoon; they, in their wild career, would +soon pass over the very spot where he (her world's he) was lying +sleeping, or perhaps not sleeping, perhaps thinking of her. The +storm was in her mind, and rent and tore her purposes into forms +as wild and irregular as the heavenly shapes she was looking at. +If, like them, she could pass the barrier horizon in the night, +she might overtake him. Mr. Benson saw her look, and read it +partially. He saw her longing gaze outwards upon the free, broad +world, and thought that the siren waters, whose deadly music yet +rang in his ears, were again tempting her. He called her to him +praying that his feeble voice might have power. + +"My dear young lady, I have much to say to you; and God has taken +my strength from me now when I most need--Oh, I sin to speak +so--but, for His sake, I implore you to be patient here, if only +till to-morrow morning." He looked at her, but her face was +immovable, and she did not speak. She could not give up her hope, +her chance, her liberty, till to-morrow. + +"God help me," said he mournfully, "my words do not touch her;" +and, still holding her hand, he sank back on the pillows. Indeed, +it was true that his words did not vibrate in her atmosphere. The +storm-spirit raged there, and filled her heart with the thought +that she was an outcast; and the holy words, "for His sake," were +answered by the demon, who held possession, with a blasphemous +defiance of the merciful God-- + +"What have I to do with Thee?" + +He thought of every softening influence of religion which over +his own disciplined heart had power, but put them aside as +useless. Then the still small voice whispered, and he spake-- + +"In your mother's name, whether she be dead or alive, I command +you to stay here until I am able to speak to you." + +She knelt down at the foot of the sofa, and shook it with her +sobs. Her heart was touched, and he hardly dared to speak again. +At length he said-- + +"I know you will not go--you could not--for her sake. You will +not, will you?" + +"No," whispered Ruth; and then there was a great blank in her +heart. She had given up her chance. She was calm, in the utter +absence of all hope. + +"And now you will do what I tell you?" said he gently, but +unconsciously to himself, in the tone of one who has found the +hidden spell by which to rule spirits. + +She slowly said, "Yes." But she was subdued. + +He called Mrs. Hughes. She came from her adjoining shop. + +"You have a bedroom within yours, where your daughter used to +sleep, I think? I am sure you will oblige me, and I shall +consider it as a great favour, if you will allow this young lady +to sleep there to-night. Will you take her there now? Go, my +dear. I have full trust in your promise not to leave until I can +speak to you." His voice died away to silence; but as Ruth rose +from her knees at his bidding, she looked at his face through her +tears. His lips were moving in earnest, unspoken prayer, and she +knew it was for her. + +That night, although his pain was relieved by rest, he could not +sleep; and, as in fever, the coming events kept unrolling +themselves before him in every changing and fantastic form. He +met Ruth in all possible places and ways, and addressed her in +every manner he could imagine most calculated to move and affect +her to penitence and virtue. Towards morning he fell asleep, but +the same thoughts haunted his dreams; he spoke, but his voice +refused to utter aloud; and she fled, relentless, to the deep, +black pool. + +But God works in His own way. + +The visions melted into deep, unconscious sleep. He was awakened +by a knock at the door, which seemed a repetition of what he had +heard in his last sleeping moments. + +It was Mrs. Hughes. She stood at the first word of permission +within the room. + +"Please, sir, I think the young lady is very ill indeed, sir; +perhaps you would please to come to her." + +"How is she ill?" said he, much alarmed. + +"Quite quiet-like, sir; but I think she is dying, that's all, +indeed, sir." + +"Go away, I will be with you directly," he replied, his heart +sinking within him. + +In a very short time he was standing with Mrs. Hughes by Ruth's +bedside. She lay as still as if she were dead, her eyes shut, her +wan face numbed into a fixed anguish of expression. She did not +speak when they spoke, though after a while they thought she +strove to do so. But all power of motion and utterance had left +her. She was dressed in everything, except her bonnet, as she had +been the day before; although sweet, thoughtful Mrs. Hughes had +provided her with nightgear, which lay on the little chest of +drawers that served as a dressing-table. Mr. Benson lifted up her +arm to feel her feeble, fluttering pulse; and when he let go her +hand, it fell upon the bed in a dull, heavy way, as if she were +already dead. + +"You gave her some food?" said he anxiously, to Mrs. Hughes. + +"Indeed, and I offered her the best in the house, but she shook +her poor pretty head, and only asked if I would please to get her +a cup of water. I brought her some milk though; and, 'deed, I +think she'd rather have had the water; but, not to seem sour and +cross, she took some milk." By this time Mrs. Hughes was fairly +crying. + +"When does the doctor come up here?" + +"Indeed, sir, and he's up nearly every day now, the inn is so +full." + +"I'll go for him. And can you manage to undress her and lay her +in bed? Open the window too, and let in the air; if her feet are +cold, put bottles of hot water to them." + +It was a proof of the true love, which was the nature of both, +that it never crossed their minds to regret that this poor young +creature had been thus thrown upon their hands. On the contrary, +Mrs. Hughes called it "a blessing." + +"It blesseth him that gives, and him that takes." + + +CHAPTER X + + +A NOTE AND THE ANSWER + +At the inn everything was life and bustle. Mr. Benson had to wait +long in Mrs. Morgan's little parlour before she could come to +him, and he kept growing more and more impatient. At last she +made her appearance and heard his story. People may talk as they +will about the little respect that is paid to virtue, +unaccompanied by the outward accidents of wealth or station; but +I rather think it will be found that, in the long run, true and +simple virtue always has its proportionate reward in the respect +and reverence of every one whose esteem is worth having. To be +sure, it is not rewarded after the way of the world, as mere +worldly possessions are, with low obeisance and lip-service; but +all the better and more noble qualities in the hearts of others +make ready and go forth to meet it on its approach, provided only +it be pure, simple, and unconscious of its own existence. + +Mr. Benson had little thought for outward tokens of respect just +then, nor had Mrs. Morgan much time to spare; but she smoothed +her ruffled brow, and calmed her bustling manner, as soon as ever +she saw who it was that awaited her; for Mr. Benson was well +known in the village, where he had taken up his summer holiday +among the mountains year after year, always a resident at the +shop, and seldom spending a shilling at the inn. + +Mrs. Morgan listened patiently--for her. + +"Mr. Jones will come this afternoon. But it is a shame you should +be troubled with such as her. I had but little time yesterday, +but I guessed there was something wrong, and Gwen has just been +telling me her bed has not been slept in. They were in a pretty +hurry to be gone yesterday, for all that the gentleman was not +fit to travel, to my way of thinking; indeed, William Wynn, the +post-boy, said he was weary enough before he got to the end of +that Yspytty road; and he thought they would have to rest there a +day or two before they could go further than Pen tre Voelas. +Indeed, and anyhow, the servant is to follow them with the +baggage this very morning; and now I remember, William Wynn said +they would wait for her. You'd better write a note, Mr. Benson, +and tell them her state." + +It was sound, though unpalatable advice. It came from one +accustomed to bring excellent, if unrefined sense, to bear +quickly upon any emergency, and to decide rapidly. She was, in +truth, so little accustomed to have her authority questioned, +that, before Mr. Benson had made up his mind, she had produced +paper, pens, and ink from the drawer in her bureau, placed them +before him, and was going to leave the room. + +"Leave the note on this shelf, and trust me that it goes by the +maid. The boy that drives her there in the car shall bring you an +answer back." She was gone before he could rally his scattered +senses enough to remember that he had not the least idea of the +name of the person to whom he was to write. The quiet leisure and +peace of his little study at home favoured his habit of reverie +and long deliberation, just as her position as mistress of an inn +obliged her to quick, decisive ways. + +Her advice, though good in some points, was unpalatable in +others. It was true that Ruth's condition ought to be known by +those who were her friends; but were these people to whom he was +now going to write friends? He knew there was a rich mother, and +a handsome, elegant son; and he had also some idea of the +circumstances which might a little extenuate their mode of +quitting Ruth. He had wide-enough sympathy to understand that it +must have been a most painful position in which the mother had +been placed, on finding herself under the same roof with a girl +who was living with her son, as Ruth was. And yet he did not like +to apply to her; to write to the son was still more out of the +question, as it seemed like asking him to return. But through one +or the other lay the only clue to her friends, who certainly +ought to be made acquainted with her position. At length he +wrote-- + +"MADAM,--I write to tell you of the condition of the poor young +woman"--(here came a long pause of deliberation)--"who +accompanied your son on his arrival here, and who was left behind +on your departure yesterday. She is lying (as it appears to me) +in a very dangerous state at my lodgings; and, if I may suggest, +it would be kind to allow your maid to return and attend upon her +until she is sufficiently recovered to be restored to her +friends, if, indeed, they could not come to take charge of her +themselves.--I remain, madam, your obedient servant +THURSTAN BENSON." + +The note was very unsatisfactory after all his consideration, but +it was the best he could do. He made inquiry of a passing servant +as to the lady's name, directed the note, and placed it on the +indicated shelf. He then returned to his lodgings, to await the +doctor's coming and the postboy's return. There was no alteration +in Ruth; she was as one stunned into unconsciousness; she did not +move her posture, she hardly breathed. From time to time Mrs. +Hughes wetted her mouth with some liquid, and there was a little +mechanical motion of the lips; that was the only sign of life she +gave. The doctor came and shook his head,--"a thorough +prostration of strength, occasioned by some great shock on the +nerves,"--and prescribed care and quiet, and mysterious +medicines, but acknowledged that the result was doubtful, very +doubtful. After his departure, Mr. Benson took his Welsh grammar +and tried again to master the ever-puzzling rules for the +mutations of letters; but it was of no use, for his thoughts were +absorbed by the life-in-death condition of the young creature, +who was lately bounding and joyous. + +The maid and the luggage, the car and the driver; bad arrived +before noon at their journey's end, and the note had been +delivered. It annoyed Mrs. Bellingham exceedingly. It was the +worst of these kind of connections,--there was no calculating the +consequences; they were never-ending. All sorts of claims seemed +to be established, and all sorts of people to step in to their +settlement. The idea of sending her maid! Why, Simpson would not +go if she asked her. She soliloquised thus while reading the +letter; and then, suddenly turning round to the favourite +attendant, who had been listening to her mistress's remarks with +no inattentive ear, she asked-- + +"Simpson, would you go and nurse this creature, as this----" she +looked at the signature--"Mr. Benson, who ever he is, proposes?" + +"Me! no, indeed, ma'am," said the maid, drawing herself up, stiff +in her virtue. + +"I'm sure, ma'am, you: would not expect it of me; I could never +have the face to dress a lady of character again." + +"Well, well! don't be alarmed; I cannot spare you: by the way, +just attend to the strings on my dress; the chambermaid here +pulled them into knots, and broke them terribly, last night. It +is awkward, though, very," said she, relapsing into a musing fit +over the condition of Ruth. + +"If you'll allow me, ma'am, I think I might say some thing that +would alter the case. I believe, ma'am, you put a bank-note into +the letter to the young woman yesterday?" + +Mrs. Bellingham bowed acquiescence, and the maid went on-- + +"Because, ma'am, when the little deformed man wrote that note +(he's Mr. Benson, ma'am), I have reason to believe neither he nor +Mrs. Morgan knew of any provision being made for the young woman. +Me and the chambermaid found your letter and the bank-note lying +quite promiscuous, like waste paper, on the floor of her room; +for I believe she rushed out like mad after you left." + +"That, as you say, alters the case. This letter, then, is +principally a sort of delicate hint that some provision ought to +have been made; which is true enough, only it has been attended +to already. What became of the money?" + +"Law, ma'am! do you ask? Of course, as soon as I saw it, I picked +it up and took it to Mrs. Morgan, in trust for the young person." + +"Oh, that's right. What friends has she? Did you ever hear from +Mason?--perhaps they ought to know where she is." + +"Mrs. Mason did tell me, ma'am, she was an orphan; with a +guardian who was noways akin, and who washed his hands of her +when she ran off. But Mrs. Mason was sadly put out, and went into +hysterics, for fear you would think she had not seen after her +enough, and that she might lose your custom; she said it was no +fault of hers, for the girl was always a forward creature, +boasting of her beauty, and saying how pretty she was, and +striving to get where her good looks could be seen and +admired,--one night in particular, ma'am, at a county ball; and +how Mrs. Mason had found out she used to meet Mr. Bellingham at +an old woman's house, who was a regular old witch, ma'am, and +lives in the lowest part of the town, where all the bad +characters haunt." + +"There! that's enough," said Mrs. Bellingham sharply, for the +maid's chattering had outrun her tact; and in her anxiety to +vindicate the character of her friend Mrs. Mason by blackening +that of Ruth, she had forgotten that she a little implicated her +mistress's son, whom his proud mother did not like to imagine as +ever passing through a low and degraded part of the town. + +"If she has no friends, and is the creature you describe (which +is confirmed by my own observation), the best place for her is, +as I said before, the Penitentiary. Her fifty pounds will keep +her a week or so, if she is really unable to travel, and pay for +her journey; and if on her return to Fordham she will let me +know, I will undertake to obtain her admission immediately." + +"I'm sure it's well for her she has to do with a lady who will +take any interest in her, after what has happened." + +Mrs. Bellingham called for her writing-desk, and wrote a few +hasty lines to be sent by the post-boy, who was on the point of +starting-- + +"Mrs. Bellingham presents her compliments to her unknown +correspondent, Mr. Benson, and begs to inform him of a +circumstance of which she believes he was ignorant when he wrote +the letter with which she has been favoured; namely, that +provision to the amount of L 50 was left for the unfortunate young +person who is the subject of Mr. Benson's letter. This sum is in +the hands of Mrs. Morgan, as well as a note from Mrs. Bellingham +to the miserable girl, in which she proposes to procure her +admission into the Fordham Penitentiary, the best place for such +a character, as by this profligate action she has forfeited the +only friend remaining to her in the world. This proposition Mrs. +Bellingham repeats; and they are the young woman's best friends +who most urge her to comply with the course now pointed out." + +"Take care Mr. Bellingham hears nothing of this Mr. Benson's +note," said Mrs. Bellingham, as she delivered the answer to her +maid; "he is so sensitive just now that it would annoy him sadly, +I am sure." + + +CHAPTER XI + + +THURSTAN AND FAITH BENSON + +You have now seen the note which was delivered into Mr. Benson's +hands, as the cool shades of evening stole over the glowing +summer sky. When he had read it, he again prepared to write a few +hasty lines before the post went out. The post-boy was even now +sounding his horn through the village as a signal for letters to +be ready; and it was well that Mr. Benson, in his long morning's +meditation, had decided upon the course to be pursued, in case of +such an answer as that which he had received from Mrs. +Bellingham. His present note was as follows;-- + +"DEAR FAITH,--You must come to this place directly, where I +earnestly desire you and your advice. I am well myself, so do not +be alarmed. I have no time for explanation, but I am sure you +will not refuse me; let me trust that I shall see you on Saturday +at the latest. You know the mode by which I came; it is the best +both for expedition and cheapness. Dear Faith, do not fail me.-- + +"Your affectionate brother. THURSTAN BENSON. + +"P.S.--I am afraid the money I left may be running short. Do not +let this stop you. Take my Facciolati to Johnson's, he will +advance upon it; it is the third row, bottom shelf. Only come." + +When this letter was despatched he had done all he could; and the +next two days passed like a long monotonous dream of watching, +thought, and care, undisturbed by any event, hardly by the change +from day to night, which, now the harvest moon was at her full, +was scarcely perceptible. On Saturday morning the answer came-- + +"DEAREST THURSTAN,--Your incomprehensible summons has just +reached me, and I obey, thereby proving my right to my name of +Faith. I shall be with you almost as soon as this letter. I +cannot help feeling anxious, as well as curious. I have money +enough, and it is well I have; for Sally, who guards your room +like a dragon, would rather see me walk the whole way, than have +any of your things disturbed.--Your affectionate sister," + +It was a great relief to Mr. Benson to think that his sister +would so soon be with him. He had been accustomed from childhood +to rely on her prompt judgment and excellent sense; and to her +care he felt that Ruth ought to be consigned, as it was too much +to go on taxing good Mrs. Hughes with night watching and sick +nursing, with all her other claims on her time. He asked her once +more to sit by Ruth, while he went to meet his sister. + +The coach passed by the foot of the steep ascent which led up to +Llan-dhu. He took a boy to carry his sister's luggage when they +arrived; they were too soon at the bottom of the hill; and the +boy began to make ducks and drakes in the shallowest part of the +stream, which there flowed glassy and smooth, while Mr. Benson +sat down on a great stone, under the shadow of an alderbush which +grew where the green flat meadow skirted the water. It was +delightful to be once more in the open air, and away from the +scenes and thoughts which had been pressing on him for the last +three days. There was a new beauty in everything from the blue +mountains which glimmered in the distant sunlight, down to the +flat, rich, peaceful vale, with its calm round shadows, where he +sat. The very margin of white pebbles which lay on the banks of +the stream had a sort of cleanly beauty about it. He felt calmer +and more at ease than he had done for some days; and yet, when he +began to think, it was rather a strange story which he had to +tell his sister, in order to account for his urgent summons. Here +was he, sole friend and guardian of a poor sick girl, whose very +name he did not know; about whom all that he did know was, that +she had been the mistress of a man who had deserted her, and that +he feared--he believed--she had contemplated suicide. The +offence, too, was one for which his sister, good and kind as she +was, had little compassion. Well, he must appeal to her love for +him, which was a very unsatisfactory mode of proceeding, as he +would far rather have had her interest in the girl founded on +reason, or some less personal basis, than showing it merely +because her brother wished it. + +The coach came slowly rumbling over the stony road. His sister +was outside, but got down in a brisk active way, and greeted her +brother heartily and affectionately. She was considerably taller +than he was, and must have been very handsome; her black hair was +parted plainly over her forehead, and her dark expressive eyes +and straight nose still retained the beauty of her youth. I do +not know whether she was older than her brother; but, probably +owing to his infirmity requiring her care, she had something of a +mother's manner towards him. + +"Thurstan, you are looking pale! I do not believe you are well, +whatever you may say. Have you had the old pain in your back?" + +"No--a little--never mind that, dearest Faith. Sit down here, +while I send the boy up with your box." And then, with some +little desire to show his sister how well he was acquainted with +the language, he blundered out his directions in very grammatical +Welsh; so grammatical, in fact, and so badly pronounced, that the +boy, scratching his head, made answer-- + +"Dim Saesoneg." + +So he had to repeat it in English. + +"Well, now, Thurstan, here I sit as you bid me. But don't try me +too long; tell me why you sent for me." + +Now came the difficulty, and oh! for a seraph's tongue, and a +seraph's powers of representation! But there was no seraph at +hand, only the soft running waters singing a quiet tune, and +predisposing Miss Benson to listen with a soothed spirit to any +tale, not immediately involving her brother's welfare, which had +been the cause of her seeing that lovely vale. + +"It is an awkward story to tell, Faith, but there is a young +woman lying ill at my lodgings whom I wanted you to nurse." + +He thought he saw a shadow on his sister's face, and detected a +slight change in her voice as she spoke. + +"Nothing very romantic, I hope, Thurstan. Remember, I cannot +stand much romance; I always distrust it." + +"I don't know what you mean by romance. The story is real enough, +and not out of the common way, I'm afraid." + +He paused; he did not get over the difficulty. + +"Well, tell it me at once, Thurstan. I am afraid you have let +some one, or perhaps only your own imagination, impose upon you; +but don't try my patience too much; you know I've no great +stock." + +"Then I'll tell you. The young girl was brought to the inn here +by a gentleman, who has left her; she is very ill, and has no one +to see after her." + +Miss Benson had some masculine tricks, and one was whistling a +long, low whistle when surprised or displeased. She had often +found it a useful vent for feelings, and she whistled now. Her +brother would rather she had spoken. + +"Have you sent for her friends?" she asked, at last. + +"She has none." + +Another pause and another whistle, but rather softer and more +wavering than the last. + +"How is she ill?" + +"Pretty nearly as quiet as if she were dead. She does not speak, +or move, or even sigh." + +"It would be better for her to die at once, I think." + +"Faith!" + +That one word put them right. It was spoken in the tone which had +authority over her; it was so full of grieved surprise and +mournful upbraiding. She was accustomed to exercise a sway over +him, owing to her greater decision of character, and, probably, +if everything were traced to its cause, to her superior vigour of +constitution; but at times she was humbled before his pure, +childlike nature, and felt where she was inferior. She was too +good and true to conceal this feeling, or to resent its being +forced upon her. After a time she said-- + +"Thurstan dear, let us go to her." + +She helped him with tender care, and gave him her arm up the long +and tedious hill; but when they approached the village, without +speaking a word on the subject, they changed their position, and +she leant (apparently) on him. He stretched himself up into as +vigorous a gait as he could, when they drew near to the abodes of +men. + +On the way they had spoken but little. He had asked after various +members of his congregation, for he was a Dissenting minister in +a country town, and she had answered; but they neither of them +spoke of Ruth, though their minds were full of her. + +Mrs. Hughes had tea ready for the traveller on her arrival. Mr. +Benson chafed a little internally at the leisurely way in which +his sister sipped and sipped, and paused to tell him some +trifling particular respecting home affairs, which she had +forgotten before. + +"Mr. Bradshaw has refused to let the children associate with the +Dixons any longer, because one evening they played at acting +charades." + +"Indeed! A little more bread and butter, Faith?" + +"Thank you; this Welsh air does make one hungry. Mrs. Bradshaw is +paying poor old Maggie's rent, to save her from being sent into +the workhouse. + +"That's right. Won't you have another cup of tea?" + +"I have had two. However, I think I'll take another." + +Mr. Benson could not refrain from a little sigh as he poured it +out. He thought he had never seen his sister so deliberately +hungry and thirsty before. He did not guess that she was feeling +the meal rather a respite from a distasteful interview, which she +was aware was awaiting her at its conclusion. But all things come +to an end, and so did Miss Benson's tea. + +"Now, will you go and see her?" + +"Yes." + +And so they went. Mrs. Hughes had pinned up a piece of green +calico, by way of a Venetian blind, to shut out the afternoon +sun; and in the light thus shaded lay Ruth--still, and wan, and +white. Even with her brother's account of Ruth's state, such +death-like quietness startled Miss Benson--startled her into pity +for the poor lovely creature who lay thus stricken and felled. +When she saw her, she could no longer imagine her to be an +impostor, or a hardened sinner; such prostration of woe belonged +to neither. Mr. Benson looked more at his sister's face than at +Ruth's; he read her countenance as a book. + +Mrs. Hughes stood by, crying. + +Mr. Benson touched his sister, and they left the room together. + +"Do you think she will live?" asked he. + +"I cannot tell," said Miss Benson, in a softened voice. "But how +young she looks! quite a child, poor creature! When will the +doctor come, Thurstan? Tell me all about her; you have never told +me the particulars." + +Mr. Benson might have said she had never cared to hear them +before, and had rather avoided the subject; but he was too happy +to see this awakening of interest in his sister's warm heart to +say anything in the least reproachful. He told her the story as +well as he could, and, as he felt it deeply, he told it with +heart's eloquence; and as he ended, and looked at her, there were +tears in the eyes of both. + +"And what does the doctor say?" asked she, after a pause. + +"He insists upon quiet; he orders medicines and strong broth. I +cannot tell you all; Mrs. Hughes can. She has been so truly good. +'Doing good, hoping for nothing again.'" + +"She looks very sweet and gentle. I shall sit up to night, and +watch her myself; and I shall send you and Mrs. Hughes early to +bed, for you have both a worn look about you I don't like. Are +you sure the effect of that fall has gone off? Do you feel +anything of it in your back still? After all, I owe her something +for turning back to your help. Are you sure she was going to +drown herself?" + +"I cannot be sure, for I have not questioned her. She has not +been in a state to be questioned; but I have no doubt whatever +about it. But you must not think of sitting up after your +journey, Faith." + +"Answer me, Thurstan. Do you feel any bad effect from that fall?" + +"No, hardly any. Don't sit up, Faith, to-night!" + +"Thurstan, it's no use talking, for I shall; and, if you go on +opposing me, I dare say I shall attack your back, and, put a +blister on it. Do tell me what that 'hardly any' means. Besides, +to set you quite at ease, you know I have never seen mountains +before, and they fill me and oppress me so much that I could not +sleep; I must keep awake this first night, and see that they +don't fall on the earth and overwhelm it. And now answer my +questions about yourself." + +Miss Benson had the power, which some people have, of carrying +her wishes through to their fulfilment; her will was strong, her +sense was excellent, and people yielded to her--they did not know +why. Before ten o'clock she reigned sole power and potentate in +Ruth's little chamber. Nothing could have been better devised for +giving her an interest in the invalid. The very dependence of one +so helpless upon her care inclined her heart towards her. She +thought she perceived a slight improvement in the symptoms during +the night, and she was a little pleased that this progress should +have been made while she reigned monarch of the sick-room. Yes, +certainly there was an improvement. There was more consciousness +in the look of the eyes, although the whole countenance still +retained its painful traces of acute suffering, manifested in an +anxious, startled uneasy aspect. It was broad morning light, +though barely five o'clock, when Miss Benson caught the sight of +Ruth's lips moving, as if in speech. Miss Benson stooped down to +listen. + +"Who are you?" asked Ruth, in the faintest of whispers. + +"Miss Benson--Mr. Benson's sister," she replied. + +The words conveyed no knowledge to Ruth; on the contrary, weak as +a babe in mind and body as she was, her lips began to quiver, and +her eyes to show a terror similar to that of any little child who +wakens in the presence of a stranger, and sees no dear, familiar +face of mother or nurse to reassure its trembling heart. + +Miss Benson took her hand in hers, and began to stroke it +caressingly. + +"Don't be afraid, dear; I'm a friend come to take care of you. +Would you like some tea now, my love ?" + +The very utterance of these gentle words was unlocking Miss +Benson's heart. Her brother was surprised to see her so full of +interest when he came to inquire later on in the morning. It +required Mrs. Hughes's persuasions, as well as his own, to induce +her to go to bed for an hour or two after breakfast; and, before +she went, she made them promise that she should be called when +the doctor came. He did not come until late in the afternoon. The +invalid was rallying fast, though rallying to a consciousness of +sorrow, as was evinced by the tears which came slowly rolling +down her pale sad cheeks--tears which she had not the power to +wipe away. + +Mr. Benson had remained in the house all day to hear the doctor's +opinion; and, now that he was relieved from the charge of Ruth by +his sister's presence, he had the more time to dwell upon the +circumstances of her case--so far as they were known to him. He +remembered his first sight of her; her lithe figure swaying to +and fro as she balanced herself on the slippery stones, half +smiling at her own dilemma, with a bright, happy light in the +eyes, that seemed like a reflection from the glancing waters +sparkling below. Then he recalled the changed, affrighted look of +those eyes as they met his, after the child's rebuff of her +advances; how that little incident filled up the tale at which +Mrs. Hughes had hinted, in a kind of sorrowful way, as if loath +(as a Christian should be) to believe evil. Then that fearful +evening, when he had only just saved her from committing suicide, +and that nightmare sleep! And now--lost, forsaken, and but just +delivered from the jaws of death, she lay dependent for +everything on his sister and him--utter strangers a few weeks +ago. Where was her lover? Could he be easy and happy? Could he +grow into perfect health, with these great sins pressing on his +conscience with a strong and hard pain? Or had he a conscience? + +Into whole labyrinths of social ethics Mr. Benson's thoughts +wandered, when his sister entered suddenly and abruptly. + +"What does the doctor say? Is she better?" + +"Oh, yes! she's better," answered Miss Benson, sharp and short. +Her brother looked at her in dismay. She bumped down into a chair +in a cross, disconcerted manner. They were both silent for a few +minutes, only Miss Benson whistled and clucked alternately. + +"What is the matter, Faith? You say she is better." + +"Why, Thurstan, there is something so shocking the matter, that I +cannot tell you." + +Mr. Benson changed colour with affright. All things possible and +impossible crossed his mind but the right one. I said, "all +things possible"; I made a mistake. He never believed Ruth to be +more guilty than she seemed. + +"Faith, I wish you would tell me, and not bewilder me with those +noises of yours," said he nervously. + +"I beg your pardon; but something so shocking has just been +discovered--I don't know how to word it--she will have a child. +The doctor says so." She was allowed to make noises unnoticed for +a few minutes. Her brother did not speak. At last she wanted his +sympathy. + +"Isn't it shocking, Thurstan? You might have knocked me down with +a straw when he told me." + +"Does she know?" + +"Yes; and I am not sure that that isn't the worst part of all." + +"How?--what do you mean?" + +"Oh, I was just beginning to have a good opinion of her; but I'm +afraid she is very depraved. After the doctor was gone, she +pulled the bed-curtain aside, and looked as if she wanted to +speak to me. (I can't think how she heard, for we were close to +the window, and spoke very low.) Well, I went to her, though I +really had taken quite a turn against her. And she whispered, +quite eagerly, 'Did he say I should have a baby?' Of course I +could not keep it from her; but I thought it my duty to look as +cold and severe as I could. She did not seem to understand how it +ought to be viewed, but took it just as if she had a right to +have a baby. She said, 'Oh, my God, I thank Thee! Oh, I will be +so good!' I had no patience with her then, so I left the room." + +"Who is with her?" + +"Mrs. Hughes. She is not seeing the thing in a moral light, as I +should have expected." + +Mr. Benson was silent again. After some time he began-- + +"Faith, I don't see this affair quite as you do. I believe I am +right." + +"You surprise me, brother! I don't understand you." + +"Wait awhile! I want to make my feelings very clear to you, but I +don't know where to begin, or how to express myself." + +"It is, indeed, an extraordinary subject for us to have to talk +about; but, if once I get clear of this girl, I'll wash my hands +of all such cases again." Her brother was not attending to her; +he was reducing his own ideas to form. "Faith, do you know I +rejoice in this child's advent?" + +"May God forgive you, Thurstan!--if you know what you are saying. +But, surely, it is a temptation, dear Thurstan." + +"I do not think it is a delusion. The sin appears to me to be +quite distinct from its consequences." + +"Sophistry--and a temptation," said Miss Benson decidedly. + +"No, it is not," said her brother, with equal decision. "In the +eye of God, she is exactly the same as if the life she has led +had left no trace behind. We knew her errors before, Faith." + +"Yes, but not this disgrace--this badge of her shame!" + +"Faith, Faith! let me beg of you not to speak so of the little +innocent babe, who may be God's messenger to lead her back to +Him. Think again of her first words--the burst of nature from her +heart! Did she not turn to God, and enter into a covenant with +Him--'I will be so good'? Why, it draws her out of herself! If +her life has hitherto been self-seeking and wickedly thoughtless, +here is the very instrument to make her forget herself, and be +thoughtful for another. Teach her (and God will teach her, if man +does not come between) to reverence her child; and this reverence +will shut out sin,--will be purification." + +He was very much excited; he was even surprised at his own +excitement; but his thoughts and meditations through the long +afternoon had prepared his mind for this manner of viewing the +subject. + +"These are quite new ideas to me," said Miss Benson coldly. "I +think you, Thurstan, are the first person I ever heard rejoicing +over the birth of an illegitimate child. It appears to me, I must +own, rather questionable morality." + +"I do not rejoice. I have been all this afternoon mourning over +the sin which has blighted this young creature; I have been +dreading lest, as she recovered consciousness, there should be a +return of her despair. I have been thinking of every holy word, +every promise to the penitent--of the tenderness which led the +Magdalen aright. I have been feeling, severely and reproachfully, +the timidity which has hitherto made me blink all encounter with +evils of this particular kind. O Faith! once for all, do not +accuse me of questionable morality, when I am trying more than +ever I did in my life to act as my blessed Lord would have done." + +He was very much agitated. His sister hesitated, and then she +spoke more softly than before-- + +"But, Thurstan, everything might have been done to 'lead her +right' (as you call it), without this child, this miserable +offspring of sin." + +"The world has, indeed, made such children miserable, innocent as +they are; but I doubt if this be according to the will of God, +unless it be His punishment for the parents' guilt; and even then +the world's way of treatment is too apt to harden the mother's +natural love into something like hatred. Shame, and the terror of +friends' displeasure, turn her mad--defile her holiest instincts; +and, as for the fathers--God forgive them! I cannot--at least, +not just now." Miss Benson thought on what her brother said. At +length she asked, "Thurstan (remember I'm not convinced), how +would you have this girl treated according to your theory?" + +"It will require some time, and much Christian love, to find out +the best way. I know I'm not very wise; but the way I think it +would be right to act in, would be this----" He thought for some +time before he spoke, and then said-- + +"She has incurred a responsibility--that we both acknowledge. She +is about to become a mother, and have the direction and guidance +of a little tender life. I fancy such a responsibility must be +serious and solemn enough, without making it into a heavy and +oppressive burden, so that human nature recoils from bearing it. +While we do all we can to strengthen her sense of responsibility, +I would likewise do all we can to make her feel that it is +responsibility for what may become a blessing." + +"Whether the children are legitimate or illegitimate?" asked Miss +Benson dryly. + +"Yes!" said her brother firmly. "The more I think, the more I +believe I am right. No one," said he, blushing faintly as he +spoke, "can have a greater recoil from profligacy than I have. +You yourself have not greater sorrow over this young creature's +sin than I have; the difference is this, you confuse the +consequences with the sin." + +"I don't understand metaphysics." + +"I am not aware that I am talking metaphysics. I can imagine that +if the present occasion be taken rightly, and used well, all that +is good in her may be raised to a height unmeasured but by God; +while all that is evil and dark may, by His blessing, fade and +disappear in the pure light of her child's presence.--Oh, Father! +listen to my prayer, that her redemption may date from this time. +Help us to speak to her in the loving spirit of thy Holy Son!" + +The tears were full in his eyes; he almost trembled in his +earnestness. He was faint with the strong power of his own +conviction, and with his inability to move his sister. But she +was shaken. She sat very still for a quarter of an hour or more +while he leaned back, exhausted by his own feelings. + +"The poor child!" said she at length--"the poor, poor child! what +it will have to struggle through and endure! Do you remember +Thomas Wilkins, and the way he threw the registry of his birth +and baptism back in your face? Why, he would not have the +situation; he went to sea, and was drowned, rather than present +the record of his shame." + +"I do remember it all. It has often haunted me. She must +strengthen her child to look to God, rather than to man's +opinion. It will be the discipline, the penance, she has +incurred. She must teach it to be (humanly speaking) +self-dependent." + +"But after all," said Miss Benson (for she had known and esteemed +poor Thomas Wilkins, and had mourned over his untimely death, and +the recollection thereof softened her)--"after all, it might be +concealed. The very child need never know its illegitimacy." + +"How?" asked her brother. + +"Why--we know so little about her yet; but in that letter, it +said she had no friends;--now, could she not go into quite a +fresh place, and be passed off as a widow?" + +Ah, tempter! unconscious tempter! Here was a way of evading the +trials for the poor little unborn child, of which Mr. Benson had +never thought. It was the decision--the pivot, on which the fate +of years moved; and he turned it the wrong way. But it was not +for his own sake. For himself, he was brave enough to tell the +truth; for the little helpless baby, about to enter a cruel, +biting world, he was tempted to evade the difficulty. He forgot +what he had just said, of the discipline and the penance to the +mother consisting in strengthening her child to meet, trustfully +and bravely, the consequences of her own weakness. He remembered +more clearly the wild fierceness, the Cain-like look, of Thomas +Wilkins, as the obnoxious word in the baptismal registry told him +that he must go forth branded into the world, with his hand +against every man's, and every man's against him. + +"How could it be managed, Faith?" + +"Nay, I must know much more, which she alone can tell us, before +I can see how it is to be managed. It is certainly the best +plan." + +"Perhaps it is," said her brother thoughtfully, but no longer +clearly or decidedly; and so the conversation dropped. + +Ruth moved the bed-curtain aside, in her soft manner, when Miss +Benson re-entered the room; she did not speak, but she looked at +her as if she wished her to come near. Miss Benson went and stood +by her. Ruth took her hand in hers and kissed it; as if fatigued +even by this slight movement, she fell asleep. Miss Benson took +up her work, and thought over her brother's speeches. She was not +convinced, but she was softened and bewildered. + + +CHAPTER XII + + +LOSING SIGHT OF THE WELSH MOUNTAINS + +Miss Benson continued in an undecided state of mind for the two +next days; but on the third, as they sat at breakfast, she began +to speak to her brother. + +"That young creature's name is Ruth Hilton." + +"Indeed! how did you find it out?" + +"From herself, of course. She is much stronger. I slept with her +last night, and I was aware she was awake long before I liked to +speak, but at last I began. I don't know what I said, or how it +went on, but I think it was a little relief to her to tell me +something about herself. She sobbed and cried herself to sleep; I +think she is asleep now. + +"Tell me what she said about herself." + +"Oh, it was really very little; it was evidently a most painful +subject. She is an orphan, without brother or sister, and with a +guardian, whom, I think she said, she never saw but once. He +apprenticed her (after her father's death) to a dressmaker. This +Mr. Bellingham got acquainted with her, and they used to meet on +Sunday afternoons. One day they were late, lingering on the road, +when the dressmaker came up by accident. She seems to have been +very angry, and not unnaturally so. The girl took fright at her +threats, and the lover persuaded her to go off with him to +London, there and then. Last May, I think it was. That's all." + +"Did she express any sorrow for her error?" + +"No, not in words; but her voice was broken with sobs, though she +tried to make it steady. After a while she began to talk about +her baby, but shyly, and with much hesitation. She asked me how +much I thought she could earn as a dressmaker, by working very, +very hard; and that brought us round to her child. I thought of +what you had said, Thurstan, and I tried to speak to her as you +wished me. I am not sure if it was right; I am doubtful in my own +mind still." + +"Don't be doubtful, Faith! Dear Faith, I thank you for your +kindness." + +"There is really nothing to thank me for. It is almost impossible +to help being kind to her; there is something so meek and gentle +about her, so patient, and so grateful!" + +"What does she think of doing?" + +"Poor child! she thinks of taking lodgings--very cheap ones, she +says; there she means to work night and day to earn enough for +her child. For she said to me; with such pretty earnestness, 'It +must never know want, whatever I do. I have deserved suffering, +but it will be such a little innocent darling!' Her utmost +earnings would not be more than seven or eight shillings a week, +I'm afraid; and then she is so young and so pretty!" + +"There is that fifty pounds Mrs. Morgan brought me, and those two +letters. Does she know about them yet?" + +"No; I did not like to tell her till she is a little stronger. +Oh, Thurstan! I wish there was not this prospect of a child. I +cannot help it. I do--I could see a way in which we might help +her, if it were not for that." + +"How do you mean?" + +"Oh, it's no use thinking of it, as it is! Or else we might have +taken her home with us, and kept her till she had got a little +dressmaking in the congregation, but for this meddlesome child; +that spoils everything. You must let me grumble to you, Thurstan. +I was very good to her, and spoke as tenderly and respectfully of +the little thing as if it were the Queen's, and born in lawful +matrimony." + +"That's right, my dear Faith! Grumble away to me, if you like. +I'll forgive you, for the kind thought of taking her home with +us. But do you think her situation is an insuperable objection?" + +"Why, Thurstan!--it's so insuperable, it puts it quite out of the +question." + +"How?--that's only repeating your objection. Why is it out of the +question?" + +"If there had been no child coming, we might have called her by +her right name--Miss Hilton; that's one thing. Then, another is, +the baby in our house. Why, Sally would go distraught!" + +"Never mind Sally. If she were an orphan relation of our own, +left widowed," said he, pausing as if in doubt. "You yourself +suggested she should be considered as a widow, for the child's +sake. I'm only taking up your ideas, dear Faith. I respect you +for thinking of taking her home; it is just what we ought to do. +Thank you for reminding me of my duty." + +"Nay, it was only a passing thought. Think of Mr. Bradshaw. Oh! I +tremble at the thought of his grim displeasure." + +"We must think of a higher than Mr. Bradshaw. I own I should be a +very coward if he knew. He is so severe, so inflexible. But after +all he sees so little of us; he never comes to tea, you know, but +is always engaged when Mrs. Bradshaw comes. I don't think he +knows of what our household consists." + +"Not know Sally? Oh yes, but he does. He asked Mrs. Bradshaw one +day if she knew what wages we gave her, and said we might get a +far more efficient and younger servant for the money. And, +speaking about money, think what our expenses would be if we took +her home for the next six months." + +That consideration was a puzzling one; and both sat silent and +perplexed for a time. Miss Benson was as sorrowful as her +brother, for she was becoming as anxious as he was to find it +possible that her plan could be carried out. + +"There's the fifty pounds," said he, with a sigh of reluctance at +the idea. + +"Yes, there's the fifty pounds," echoed his sister, with the same +sadness in her tone. "I suppose it is hers." + +"I suppose it is; and, being so, we must not think who gave it to +her. It will defray her expenses. I am very sorry, but I think we +must take it." + +"It would never do to apply to him under the present +circumstances," said Miss Benson, in a hesitating manner. + +"No, that we won't," said her brother decisively. "If she +consents to let us take care of her, we will never let her stoop +to request anything from him, even for his child. She can live on +bread and water--we can all live on bread and water--rather than +that." + +"Then I will speak to her and propose the plan. Oh, Thurstan! +from a child you could persuade me to anything! I hope I am doing +right. However much I oppose you at first, I am sure to yield +soon; almost in proportion to my violence at first. I think I am +very weak." + +"No, not in this instance. We are both right: I, in the way in +which the child ought to be viewed; you, dear good Faith, for +thinking of taking her home with us. God bless you, dear, for +it!" + +When Ruth began to sit up (and the strange, new, delicious +prospect of becoming a mother seemed to give her some mysterious +source of strength, so that her recovery was rapid and swift from +that time), Miss Benson brought her the letters and the +bank-note. + +"Do you recollect receiving this letter, Ruth?" asked she, with +grave gentleness. Ruth changed colour, and took it and read it +again without making any reply to Miss Benson. Then she sighed, +and thought a while; and then took up and read the second +note--the note which Mrs. Bellingham had sent to Mr. Benson in +answer to his. After that she took up the bank-note and turned it +round and round, but not as if she saw it. Miss Benson noticed +that her fingers trembled sadly, and that her lips were quivering +for some time before she spoke. + +"If you please, Miss Benson, I should like to return this money." + +"Why, my dear?" + +"I have a strong feeling against taking it. While he," said she, +deeply blushing, and letting her large white lids drop down and +veil her eyes, "loved me, he gave me many things--my watch--oh, +many things; and I took them from him gladly and thankfully, +because he loved me--for I would have given him anything--and I +thought of them as signs of love. But this money pains my heart. +He has left off loving me, and has gone away. This money +seems--oh, Miss Benson--it seems as if he could comfort me, for +being forsaken, by money." And at that word the tears, so long +kept back and repressed, forced their way like rain. + +She checked herself, however, in the violence of her emotion, for +she thought of her child. + +"So, will you take the trouble of sending it back to Mrs. +Bellingham?" + +"That I will, my dear. I am glad of it, that I am! They don't +deserve to have the power of giving: they don't deserve that you +should take it." Miss Benson went and enclosed it up there and +then; simply writing these words in the envelope, "From Ruth +Hilton." + +"And now we wash our hands of these Bellinghams," said she +triumphantly. But Ruth looked tearful and sad; not about +returning the note, but from the conviction that the reason she +had given for the ground of her determination was true--he no +longer loved her. + +To cheer her, Miss Benson began to speak of the future. Miss +Benson was one of those people who, the more she spoke of a plan +in its details, and the more she realised it in her own mind, the +more firmly she became a partisan of the project. Thus she grew +warm and happy in the idea of taking Ruth home; but Ruth remained +depressed and languid under the conviction that he no longer +loved her. No home, no future, but the thought of her child, +could wean her from this sorrow. Miss Benson was a little piqued; +and this pique showed itself afterwards in talking to her brother +of the morning's proceedings in the sick chamber. + +"I admired her at the time for sending away her fifty pounds so +proudly; but I think she has a cold heart: she hardly thanked me +at all for my proposal of taking her home with us." + +"Her thoughts are full of other things just now; and people have +such different ways of showing feeling: some by silence, some by +words. At any rate, it is unwise to expect gratitude." + +"What do you expect--not indifference or ingratitude?" + +"It is better not to expect or calculate consequences. The longer +I live, the more fully I see that. Let us try simply to do right +actions, without thinking of the feelings they are to call out in +others. We know that no holy or self-denying effort can fall to +the ground vain and useless; but the sweep of eternity is large, +and God alone knows when the effect is to be produced. We are +trying to do right now, and to feel right; don't let us perplex +ourselves with endeavouring to map out how she should feel, or +how she should show her feelings." + +"That's all very fine, and I dare say very true," said Miss +Benson, a little chagrined. "But 'a bird in the hand is worth two +in the bush;' and I would rather have had one good, hearty, +'Thank you,' now, for all I have been planning to do for her, +than the grand effects you promise me in the 'sweep of eternity.' +Don't be grave and sorrowful, Thurstan, or I'll go out of the +room. I can stand Sally's scoldings, but I can't bear your look +of quiet depression whenever I am a little hasty or impatient. I +had rather you would give me a good box on the ear." + +"And I would often rather you would speak, if ever so hastily, +instead of whistling. So, if I box your ears when I am vexed with +you, will you promise to scold me when you are put out of the +way, instead of whistling?" + +"Very well! that's a bargain. You box, and I scold. But, +seriously, I began to calculate our money when she so cavalierly +sent off the fifty-pound note (I can't help admiring her for +it!), and I am very much afraid we shall not have enough to pay +the doctor's bill, and take her home with us." + +"She must go inside the coach, whatever we do," said Mr. Benson +decidedly. + +"Who's there? Come in! Oh! Mrs. Hughes! Sit down." + +"Indeed, sir, and I cannot stay; but the young lady has just made +me find up her watch for her, and asked me to get it sold to pay +the doctor, and the little things she has had since she came; and +please, sir, indeed I don't know where to sell it nearer than +Caernarvon." + +"That is good of her," said Miss Benson, her sense of justice +satisfied; and, remembering the way in which Ruth had spoken of +the watch, she felt what a sacrifice it must have been to resolve +to part with it. + +"And her goodness just helps us out of our dilemma," said her +brother; who was unaware of the feelings with which Ruth regarded +her watch, or, perhaps, he might have parted with his Facciolati. + +Mrs. Hughes patiently awaited their leisure for answering her +practical question. Where could the watch be sold? Suddenly her +face brightened. + +"Mr. Jones, the doctor, is just going to be married, perhaps he +would like nothing better than to give this pretty watch to his +bride; indeed, and I think it's very likely; and he'll pay money +for it as well as letting alone his bill. I'll ask him, sir, at +any rate." + +Mr. Jones was only too glad to obtain possession of so elegant a +present at so cheap a rate. He even, as Mrs. Hughes had foretold, +"paid money for it;" more than was required to defray the +expenses of Ruth's accommodation, as most of the articles of food +she had were paid for at the time by Mr. or Miss Benson, but they +strictly forbade Mrs. Hughes to tell Ruth of this. + +"Would you object to my buying you a black gown?" said Miss +Benson to her, the day after the sale of the watch. She hesitated +a little, and then went on-- + +"My brother and I think it would be better to call you--as if in +fact you were--a widow. It will save much awkwardness, and it +will spare your child much"----mortification, she was going to +have added; but that word did not exactly do. But, at the mention +of her child, Ruth started, and turned ruby-red; as she always +did when allusion was made to it. + +"Oh, yes! certainly. Thank you much for thinking of it. Indeed," +said she, very low, as if to herself, "I don't know how to thank +you for all you are doing; but I do love you, and will pray for +you, if I may." + +"If you may, Ruth" repeated Miss Benson, in a tone of surprise. + +"Yes, if I may. If you will let me pray for you." + +"Certainly, my dear. My dear Ruth, you don't know how often I +sin; I do so wrong, with my few temptations. We are both of us +great sinners in the eyes of the Most Holy; let us pray for each +other. Don't speak so again, my dear; at least, not to me." + +Miss Benson was actually crying. She had always looked upon +herself as so inferior to her brother in real goodness, had seen +such heights above her, that she was distressed by Ruth's +humility. After a short time she resumed the subject. + +"Then I may get you a black gown?--and we may call you Mrs. +Hilton?" + +"No; not Mrs. Hilton!" said Ruth hastily. + +Miss Benson, who had hitherto kept her eyes averted from Ruth's +face from a motive of kindly delicacy, now looked at her with +surprise. + +"Why not?" asked she. + +"It was my mother's name," said Ruth, in a low voice. "I had +better not be called by it." + +"Then let us call you by my mother's name," said Miss Benson +tenderly. "She would have----But I'll talk to you about my +mother some other time. Let me call you Mrs. Denbigh. It will do +very well, too. People will think you are a distant relation." + +When she told Mr. Benson of this choice of name, he was rather +sorry; it was like his sister's impulsive kindness--impulsive in +everything--and he could imagine how Ruth's humility had touched +her. He was sorry, but he said nothing. And now the letter was +written home, announcing the probable arrival of the brother and +sister on a certain day, "with a distant relation, early left a +widow," as Miss Benson expressed it. She desired the spare room +might be prepared, and made every provision she could think of +for Ruth's comfort; for Ruth still remained feeble and weak. + +When the black gown, at which she had stitched away incessantly, +was finished--when nothing remained, but to rest for the next +day's journey--Ruth could not sit still. She wandered from window +to window, learning off each rock and tree by heart. Each had its +tale, which it was agony to remember; but which it would have +been worse agony to forget. The sound of running waters she heard +that quiet evening was in her ears as she lay on her death-bed; +so well had she learnt their tune. + +And now all was over. She had driven in to Llan-dhu, sitting by +her lover's side, living in the bright present, and strangely +forgetful of the past or the future; she had dreamed out her +dream, and she had awakened from the vision of love. She walked +slowly and sadly down the long hill, her tears fast falling, but +as quickly wiped away; while she strove to make steady the low +quivering voice which was often called upon to answer some +remark of Miss Benson's. They had to wait for the coach. Ruth +buried her face in some flowers which Mrs. Hughes had given her +on parting; and was startled when the mail drew up with a sudden +pull, which almost threw the horses on their haunches. She was +placed inside, and the coach had set off again, before she was +fully aware that Mr. and Miss Benson were travelling on the +outside; but it was a relief to feel she might now cry without +exciting their notice. The shadow of a heavy thunder-cloud was on +the valley, but the little upland village-church (that showed the +spot in which so much of her life was passed) stood out clear in +the sunshine. She grudged the tears that blinded her as she +gazed. There was one passenger, who tried after a while to +comfort her. + +"Don't cry, miss," said the kind-hearted woman. "You're parting +from friends, maybe? Well, that's bad enough; but, when you come +to my age, you'll think none of it. Why, I've three sons, and +they're soldiers and sailors, all of them--here, there, and +everywhere. One is in America, beyond the seas; another is in +China, making tea; and another is at Gibraltar, three miles from +Spain; and yet, you see, I can laugh and eat and enjoy myself. I +sometimes think I'll try and fret a bit, just to make myself a +better figure: but, Lord! it's no use, it's against my nature; so +I laugh and grow fat again. I'd be quite thankful for a fit of +anxiety as would make me feel easy in my clothes, which them +manty-makers will make so tight I'm fairly throttled." + +Ruth durst cry no more; it was no relief, now she was watched and +noticed, and plied with a sandwich or a ginger-bread each time +she looked sad. She lay back with her eyes shut, as if asleep, +and went on, and on, the sun never seeming to move from his high +place in the sky, nor the bright hot day to show the least sign +of waning. Every now and then Miss Benson scrambled down, and +made kind inquiries of the pale, weary Ruth; and once they +changed coaches, and the fat old lady left her with a hearty +shake of the hand. + +"It is not much further now," said Miss Benson, apologetically, +to Ruth. "See! we are losing sight of the Welsh mountains. We +have about eighteen miles of plain, and then we come to the moors +and the rising ground, amidst which Eccleston lies. I wish we +were there, for my brother is sadly tired." The first wonder in +Ruth's mind was, why then, if Mr. Benson was so tired, did they +not stop where they were for the night; for she knew little of +the expenses of a night at an inn. The next thought was, to beg +that Mr. Benson would take her place inside the coach, and allow +her to mount up by Miss Benson. She proposed this, and Miss +Benson was evidently pleased. + +"Well, if you're not tired, it would be a rest and a change for +him, to be sure; and if you were by me I could show you the first +sight of Eccleston, if we reach there before it is quite dark." + +So Mr. Benson got down, and changed places with Ruth. + +She hardly yet understood the numerous small economies which he +and his sister had to practise--the little daily +self-denials--all endured so cheerfully and simply, that they had +almost ceased to require an effort, and it had become natural to +them to think of others before themselves. Ruth had not +understood that it was for economy that their places had been +taken on the outside of the coach, while hers, as an invalid +requiring rest, was to be the inside; and that the biscuits which +supplied the place of a dinner were, in fact, chosen because the +difference in price between the two would go a little way towards +fulfilling their plan for receiving her as an inmate. Her thought +about money had been hitherto a child's thought; the subject had +never touched her; but afterwards, when she had lived a little +while with the Bensons, her eyes were opened, and she remembered +their simple kindness on the journey, and treasured the +remembrance of it in her heart. + +A low grey cloud was the first sign of Eccleston; it was the +smoke of the town hanging over the plain. Beyond the place where +she was expected to believe it existed, arose round, waving +uplands; nothing to the fine outlines of the Welsh mountains, but +still going up nearer to heaven than the rest of the flat world +into which she had now entered. Rumbling stones, lamp-posts, a +sudden stop, and they were in the town of Eccleston; and a +strange, uncouth voice, on the dark side of the coach, was heard +to say-- + +"Be ye there, measter?" + +"Yes, yes!" said Miss Benson quickly. "Did Sally send you, Ben? +Get the ostler's lantern, and look out the luggage." + + +CHAPTER XIII + + +THE DISSENTING MINISTER'S HOUSEHOLD + +Miss Benson had resumed every morsel of the briskness which she +had rather lost in the middle of the day; her foot was on her +native stones, and a very rough set they were, and she was near +her home and among known people. Even Mr. Benson spoke very +cheerfully to Ben, and made many inquiries of him respecting +people whose names were strange to Ruth. She was cold, and +utterly weary. She took Miss Benson's offered arm, and could +hardly drag herself as far as the little quiet street in which +Mr. Benson's house was situated. The street was so quiet that +their footsteps sounded like a loud disturbance, and announced +their approach as effectually as the "trumpet's lordly blare" did +the coming of Abdallah. A door flew open, and a lighted passage +stood before them. As soon as they had entered, a stout elderly +servant emerged from behind the door, her face radiant with +welcome. + +"Eh, bless ye! are ye hack again? I thought I should ha' been +lost without ye." She gave Mr. Benson a hearty shake of the hand, +and kissed Miss Benson warmly; then, turning to Ruth, she said, +in a loud whisper-- + +"Who's yon?" + +Mr. Benson was silent, and walked a step onwards. Miss Benson +said boldly out-- + +"The lady I named in my note, Sally--Mrs. Denbigh, a distant +relation." + +"Ay, but you said hoo was a widow. Is this chit a widow?" + +"Yes, this is Mrs. Denbigh," answered Miss Benson. + +"If I'd been her mother, I'd ha' given her a lollypop instead on +a husband. Hoo looks fitter for it." + +"Hush! Sally, Sally! Look, there's your master trying to move +that heavy box." Miss Benson calculated well when she called +Sally's attention to her master; for it was believed by every +one, and by Sally herself, that his deformity was owing to a fall +he had had when he was scarcely more than a baby, and intrusted +to her care--a little nurse-girl, as she then was, not many years +older than himself. For years the poor girl had cried herself to +sleep on her pallet bed, moaning over the blight her carelessness +had brought upon her darling; nor was this self-reproach +diminished by the forgiveness of the gentle mother, from whom +Thurstan Benson derived so much of his character. The way in +which comfort stole into Sally's heart was in the +gradually-formed resolution that she would never leave him nor +forsake him, but serve him faithfully all her life long; and she +had kept to her word. She loved Miss Benson, but she almost +worshipped the brother. The reverence for him was in her heart, +however, and did not always show itself in her manners. But if +she scolded him herself, she allowed no one else that privilege. +If Miss Benson differed from her brother, and ventured to think +his sayings or doings might have been improved, Sally came down +upon her like a thunder-clap. + +"My goodness gracious, Master Thurstan, when will you learn to +leave off meddling with other folks' business? Here, Ben! help me +up with these trunks." The little narrow passage was cleared, and +Miss Benson took Ruth into the sitting-room. There were only two +sitting-rooms on the ground-floor, one behind the other. Out of +the back room the kitchen opened, and for this reason the back +parlour was used as the family sitting-room; or else, being, with +its garden aspect, so much the pleasanter of the two, both Sally +and Miss Benson would have appropriated it for Mr. Benson's +study. As it was, the front room, which looked to the street, was +his room; and many a person coming for help--help of which giving +money was the lowest kind--was admitted, and let forth by Mr. +Benson, unknown to any one else in the house. To make amends for +his having the least cheerful room on the ground-floor, he had +the garden bedroom, while his sister slept over his study. There +were two more rooms again over these, with sloping ceilings, +though otherwise large and airy. The attic looking into the +garden was the spare bedroom; while the front belonged to Sally. +There was no room over the kitchen, which was, in fact, a +supplement to the house. The sitting-room was called by the +pretty, old-fashioned name of the parlour, while Mr. Benson's +room was styled the study. + +The curtains were drawn in the parlour; there was a bright fire +and a clean hearth; indeed, exquisite cleanliness seemed the very +spirit of the household, for the door which was open to the +kitchen showed a delicately-white and spotless floor, and bright +glittering tins, on which the ruddy firelight danced. + +From the place in which Ruth sat she could see all Sally's +movements; and though she was not conscious of close or minute +observation at the time (her body being weary, and her mind full +of other thoughts), yet it was curious how faithfully that scene +remained depicted on her memory in after years. The warm light +filled every corner of the kitchen, in strong distinction to the +faint illumination of the one candle in the parlour, whose +radiance was confined, and was lost in the dead folds of +window-curtains, carpet, and furniture. The square, stout, +bustling figure, neat and clean in every respect, but dressed in +the peculiar, old-fashioned costume of the county, namely, a +dark-striped linsey-woolsey petticoat, made very short, +displaying sturdy legs in woollen stockings beneath; a loose kind +of jacket, called there a "bedgown," made of pink print, a +snow-white apron and cap, both of linen, and the latter made in +the shape of a "mutch";--these articles completed Sally's +costume, and were painted on Ruth's memory. Whilst Sally was +busied in preparing tea, Miss Benson took off Ruth's things; and +the latter instinctively felt that Sally, in the midst of her +movements, was watching their proceedings. Occasionally she also +put in a word in the conversation, and these little sentences +were uttered quite in the tone of an equal, if not of a superior. +She had dropped the more formal "you," with which at first she +had addressed Miss Benson, and thou'd her quietly and habitually. + +All these particulars sank unconsciously into Ruth's mind, but +they did not rise to the surface, and become perceptible, for a +length of time. She was weary and much depressed. Even the very +kindness that ministered to her was overpowering. But over the +dark, misty moor a little light shone--a beacon; and on that she +fixed her eyes, and struggled out of her present deep +dejection--the little child that was coming to her! + +Mr. Benson was as languid and weary as Ruth, and was silent +during all this bustle and preparation. His silence was more +grateful to Ruth than Miss Benson's many words, although she felt +their kindness. After tea, Miss Benson took her upstairs to her +room. The white dimity bed, and the walls, stained green, had +something of the colouring and purity of effect of a snowdrop; +while the floor, rubbed with a mixture that turned it into a rich +dark-brown, suggested the idea of the garden-mould out of which +the snowdrop grows. As Miss Benson helped the pale Ruth to +undress, her voice became less full-toned and hurried; the hush +of approaching night subdued her into a softened, solemn kind of +tenderness, and the murmured blessing sounded like granted +prayer. + +When Miss Benson came downstairs, she found her brother reading +some letters which had been received during his absence. She went +and softly shut the door of communication between the parlour and +the kitchen; and then, fetching a grey worsted stocking which she +was knitting, sat down near him, her eyes not looking at her work +but fixed on the fire; while the eternal rapid click of the +knitting-needles broke the silence of the room, with a sound as +monotonous and incessant as the noise of a hand-loom. She +expected him to speak, but he did not. She enjoyed an examination +into, and discussion of, her feelings; it was an interest and +amusement to her, while he dreaded and avoided all such +conversation. There were times when his feelings, which were +always earnest, and sometimes morbid, burst forth, and defied +control, and overwhelmed him; when a force was upon him +compelling him to speak. But he, in general, strove to preserve +his composure, from a fear of the compelling pain of such times, +and the consequent exhaustion. His heart had been very full of +Ruth all day long, and he was afraid of his sister beginning the +subject; so he read on, or seemed to do so, though he hardly saw +the letter he held before him. It was a great relief to him when +Sally threw open the middle door with a bang, which did not +indicate either calmness of mind or sweetness of temper. + +"Is yon young woman going to stay any length o' time with us?" +asked she of Miss Benson. + +Mr. Benson put his hand gently on his sister's arm, to check her +from making any reply, while he said-- + +"We cannot exactly tell, Sally. She will remain until after her +confinement." + +"Lord bless us and save us!--a baby in the house! Nay, then my +time's come, and I'll pack up and begone. I never could abide +them things. I'd sooner have rats in the house." + +Sally really did look alarmed. + +"Why, Sally!" said Mr. Benson, smiling, "I was not much more than +a baby when you came to take care of me." + +"Yes, you were, Master Thurstan; you were a fine bouncing lad of +three year old and better." + +Then she remembered the change she had wrought in the "fine +bouncing lad," and her eyes filled with tears, which she was too +proud to wipe away with her apron; for, as she sometimes said to +herself, "she could not abide crying before folk." + +"Well, it's no use talking, Sally," said Miss Benson, too anxious +to speak to be any longer repressed. "We've promised to keep her, +and we must do it; you'll have none of the trouble, Sally, so +don't be afraid." + +"Well, I never! as if I minded trouble! You might ha' known me +better nor that. I've scoured master's room twice over, just to +make the boards look white, though the carpet is to cover them, +and now you go and cast up about me minding my trouble. If them's +the fashions you've learnt in Wales, I'm thankful I've never been +there." + +Sally looked red, indignant, and really hurt. Mr. Benson came in +with his musical voice and soft words of healing. + +"Faith knows you don't care for trouble, Sally; she is only +anxious about this poor young woman, who has no friends but +ourselves. We know there will be more trouble in consequence of +her coming to stay with us; and I think, though we never spoke +about it, that in making our plans we reckoned on your kind help, +Sally, which has never failed us yet when we needed it." + +"You've twice the sense of your sister, Master Thurstan, that you +have. Boys always has. It's truth there will be more trouble, and +I shall have my share on't, I reckon. I can face it if I'm told +out and out, but I cannot abide the way some folk has of denying +there's trouble or pain to be met; just as if their saying there +was none, would do away with it. Some folk treats one like a +babby, and I don't like it. I'm not meaning you, Master +Thurstan." + +"No, Sally, you need not say that. I know well enough who you +mean when you say 'some folk.' However, I admit I was wrong in +speaking as if you minded trouble, for there never was a creature +minded it less. But I want you to like Mrs. Denbigh," said Miss +Benson. + +"I dare say I should, if you'd let me alone. I did na like her +sitting down in master's chair. Set her up, indeed, in an +arm-chair wi' cushions! Wenches in my day were glad enough of +stools." + +"She was tired to-night," said Mr. Benson. "We are all tired; so +if you have done your work, Sally, come in to reading." + +The three quiet people knelt down side by side, and two of them +prayed earnestly for "them that had gone astray." Before ten +o'clock, the household were in bed. Ruth, sleepless, weary, +restless with the oppression of a sorrow which she dared not face +and contemplate bravely, kept awake all the early part of the +night. Many a time did she rise, and go to the long casement +window, and looked abroad over the still and quiet town--over the +grey stone walls, and chimneys, and old high-pointed roofs--on to +the far-away hilly line of the horizon, lying calm under the +bright moonshine. It was late in the morning when she woke from +her long-deferred slumbers; and when she went downstairs, she +found Mr. and Miss Benson awaiting her in the parlour. That +homely, pretty, old-fashioned little room! How bright and still +and clean it looked! The window (all the windows at the hack of +the house were casements) was open, to let in the sweet morning +air, and streaming eastern sunshine. The long jessamine sprays, +with their white-scented stars, forced themselves almost into the +room. The little square garden beyond, with grey stone walls all +round, was rich and mellow in its autumnal colouring, running +from deep crimson hollyhocks up to amber and gold nasturtiums, +and all toned down by the clear and delicate air. It was so +still, that the gossamer-webs, laden with dew, did not tremble or +quiver in the least; but the sun was drawing to himself the sweet +incense of many flowers, and the parlour was scented with the +odours of mignonette and stocks. Miss Benson was arranging a +bunch of China and damask roses in an old-fashioned jar; they +lay, all dewy and fresh, on the white breakfast-cloth when Ruth +entered. Mr. Benson was reading in some large folio. With gentle +morning speech they greeted her; but the quiet repose of the +scene was instantly broken by Sally popping in from the kitchen, +and glancing at Ruth with sharp reproach. She said-- + +"I reckon I may bring in breakfast, now?" with a strong emphasis +on the last word. + +"I am afraid I am very late," said Ruth. + +"Oh, never mind," said Mr. Benson gently. "It was our fault for +not telling you our breakfast hour. We always have prayers at +half-past seven; and for Sally's sake, we never vary from that +time; for she can so arrange her work, if she knows the hour of +prayers, as to have her mind calm and untroubled." + +"Ahem!" said Miss Benson, rather inclined to "testify" against +the invariable calmness of Sally's mind at any hour of the day; +but her brother went on as if he did not hear her. + +"But the breakfast does not signify being delayed a little; and I +am sure you were sadly tired with your long day yesterday." + +Sally came slapping in, and put down some withered, tough, dry +toast, with-- + +"It's not my doing if it is like leather"; but as no one appeared +to hear her, she withdrew to her kitchen, leaving Ruth's cheeks +like crimson at the annoyance she had caused. + +All day long, she had that feeling common to those who go to stay +at a fresh house among comparative strangers: a feeling of the +necessity that she should become accustomed to the new atmosphere +in which she was placed, before she could move and act freely; it +was, indeed, a purer ether, a diviner air, which she was +breathing in now, than what she had been accustomed to for long +months. The gentle, blessed mother, who had made her childhood's +home holy ground, was in her very nature so far removed from any +of earth's stains and temptation, that she seemed truly one of +those + +"Who ask not if Thine eye Be on them; who, in love and truth, +Where no misgiving is, rely Upon the genial sense of youth." + +In the Bensons' house there was the same unconsciousness of +individual merit, the same absence of introspection and analysis +of motive, as there had been in her mother; but it seemed that +their lives were pure and good, not merely from a lovely and +beautiful nature, but from some law, the obedience to which was, +of itself, harmonious peace, and which governed them almost +implicitly, and with as little questioning on their part, as the +glorious stars which haste not, rest not, in their eternal +obedience. This household had many failings: they were but human, +and, with all their loving desire to bring their lives into +harmony with the will of God, they often erred and fell short; +but, somehow, the very errors and faults of one individual served +to call out higher excellences in another, and so they reacted +upon each other, and the result of short discords was exceeding +harmony and peace. But they had themselves no idea of the real +state of things; they did not trouble themselves with marking +their progress by self-examination; if Mr. Benson did sometimes, +in hours of sick incapacity for exertion, turn inwards, it was to +cry aloud with almost morbid despair, "God be merciful to me a +sinner!" But he strove to leave his life in the hands of God, and +to forget himself. + +Ruth sat still and quiet through the long first day. She was +languid and weary from her journey; she was uncertain what help +she might offer to give in the household duties, and what she +might not. And, in her languor and in her uncertainty, it was +pleasant to watch the new ways of the people among whom she was +placed. After breakfast, Mr. Benson withdrew to his study, Miss +Benson took away the cups and saucers, and leaving the +kitchen-door open, talked sometimes to Ruth, sometimes to Sally, +while she washed them up. Sally had upstairs duties to perform, +for which Ruth was thankful, as she kept receiving rather angry +glances for her unpunctuality as long as Sally remained +downstairs. Miss Benson assisted in the preparation for the early +dinner, and brought some kidney-beans to shred into a basin of +bright, pure spring-water, which caught and danced in the +sunbeams as she sat near the open casement of the parlour, +talking to Ruth of things and people which as yet the latter did +not understand, and could not arrange and comprehend. She was +like a child who gets a few pieces of a dissected map, and is +confused until a glimpse of the whole unity is shown him. Mr. and +Mrs. Bradshaw were the centre pieces in Ruth's map; their +children, their servants, were the accessories; and one or two +other names were occasionally mentioned. Ruth wondered and almost +wearied at Miss Benson's perseverance in talking to her about +people whom she did not know; but, in truth, Miss Benson heard +the long-drawn, quivering sighs which came from the poor heavy +heart, when it was left to silence, and had leisure to review the +past; and her quick accustomed ear caught also the low mutterings +of the thunder in the distance, in the shape of Sally's +soliloquies, which, like the asides at a theatre, were intended +to be heard. Suddenly, Miss Benson called Ruth out of the room +upstairs into her own bed-chamber, and then began rummaging in +little old-fashioned boxes, drawn out of an equally old-fashioned +bureau, half-desk, half-table, and wholly drawers. + +"My dear, I've been very stupid and thoughtless. Oh! I'm so glad +I thought of it before Mrs. Bradshaw came to call. Here it is!" +and she pulled out an old wedding-ring, and hurried it on Ruth's +finger. Ruth hung down her head, and reddened deep with shame; +her eyes smarted with the hot tears that filled them. Miss Benson +talked on, in a nervous hurried way-- + +"It was my grandmother's; it's very broad; they made them so +then, to hold a posy inside: there's one in that-- + +'Thine own sweetheart Till death doth part,' + +I think it is. There, there! Run away, and look as if you'd +always worn it." Ruth went up to her room, and threw herself down +on her knees by the bedside, and cried as if her heart would +break; and then, as if a light had come down into her soul, she +calmed herself and prayed--no words can tell how humbly, and with +what earnest feeling. When she came down, she was tearstained and +wretchedly pale; but even Sally looked at her with new eyes, +because of the dignity with which she was invested by an +earnestness of purpose which had her child for its object. She +sat and thought, but she no longer heaved those bitter sighs +which had wrung Miss Benson's heart in the morning. In this way +the day wore on; early dinner, early tea seemed to make it +preternaturally long to Ruth; the only event was some unexplained +absence of Sally's, who had disappeared out of the house in the +evening, much to Miss Benson's surprise, and somewhat to her +indignation. + +At night, after Ruth had gone up to her room, this absence was +explained to her at least. She had let down her long waving +glossy hair, and was standing absorbed in thought in the middle +of the room, when she heard a round clumping knock at her door, +different from that given by the small knuckles of delicate +fingers, and in walked Sally, with a judge-like severity of +demeanour, holding in her hand two widow's caps of commonest make +and coarsest texture. Queen Eleanor herself, when she presented +the bowl to Fair Rosamond, had not a more relentless purpose +stamped on her demeanour than had Sally at this moment. She +walked up to the beautiful, astonished Ruth, where she stood in +her long, soft, white dressing-gown, with all her luxuriant brown +hair hanging dishevelled down her figure, and thus Sally spoke-- + +"Missus--or miss, as the case may be--I've my doubts as to you. +I'm not going to have my master and Miss Faith put upon, or shame +come near them. Widows wears these sort o' caps, and has their +hair cut off; and whether widows wears wedding-rings or not, they +shall have their hair cut off--they shall. I'll have no half work +in this house. I've lived with the family forty-nine year come +Michaelmas, and I'll not see it disgraced by any one's fine long +curls. Sit down and let me snip off your hair; and let me see you +sham decently in a widow's cap to-morrow, or I'll leave the +house. Whatten's come over Miss Faith, as used to be as mim a +lady as ever was, to be taken by such as you, I dunnot know. Here +I sit down with ye, and let me crop you." + +She laid no light hand on Ruth's shoulder; and the latter, partly +intimidated by the old servant, who had hitherto only turned her +vixen lining to observation, and partly because she was +broken-spirited enough to be indifferent to the measure proposed, +quietly sat down. Sally produced the formidable pair of scissors +that always hung at her side, and began to cut in a merciless +manner. She expected some remonstrance or some opposition, and +had a torrent of words ready to flow forth at the least sign of +rebellion; but Ruth was still and silent, with meekly-bowed head, +under the strange hands that were shearing her beautiful hair +into the clipped shortness of a boy's. Long before she had +finished, Sally had some slight misgivings as to the fancied +necessity of her task; but it was too late, for half the curls +were gone, and the rest must now come off. When she had done, she +lifted up Ruth's face by placing her hand under the round white +chin. She gazed into the countenance, expecting to read some +anger there, though it had not come out in words; but she only +met the large, quiet eyes, that looked at her with sad gentleness +out of their finely-hollowed orbits. Ruth's soft, yet dignified +submission, touched Sally with compunction, though she did not +choose to show the change in her feelings. She tried to hide it +indeed, by stooping to pick up the long bright tresses; and, +holding them up admiringly, and letting them drop down and float +on the air (like the pendent branches of the weeping birch) she +said: "I thought we should ha' had some crying--I did. They're +pretty curls enough; you've not been so bad to let them be cut +off neither. You see, Master Thurstan is no wiser than a babby in +some things; and Miss Faith just lets him have his own way; so +it's all left to me to keep him out of scrapes. I'll wish you a +very good night. I've heard many a one say as long hair was not +wholesome. Good night." + +But in a minute she popped her head into Ruth's room once more-- + +"You'll put on them caps to-morrow morning. I'll make you a +present on them." + +Sally had carried away the beautiful curls, and she could not +find it in her heart to throw such lovely chestnut tresses away, +so she folded them up carefully in paper, and placed them in a +safe corner of her drawer. + + +CHAPTER XIV + + +RUTH'S FIRST SUNDAY AT ECCLESTON + +Ruth felt very shy when she came down (at half-past seven) the +next morning, in her widow's cap. Her smooth, pale face, with its +oval untouched by time, looked more young and childlike than +ever, when contrasted with the head-gear usually associated with +ideas of age. She blushed very deeply as Mr. and Miss Benson +showed the astonishment, which they could not conceal, in their +looks. She said in a low voice to Miss Benson-- + +"Sally thought I had better wear it." + +Miss Benson made no reply; but was startled at the intelligence, +which she thought was conveyed in this speech, of Sally's +acquaintance with Ruth's real situation. She noticed Sally's +looks particularly this morning. The manner in which the old +servant treated Ruth had in it far more of respect than there had +been the day before; but there was a kind of satisfied way of +braving out Miss Benson's glances which made the latter uncertain +and uncomfortable. She followed her brother into his study. + +"Do you know, Thurstan, I am almost certain Sally suspects." + +Mr. Benson sighed. That deception grieved him, and yet he thought +he saw its necessity. + +"What makes you think so?" asked he. + +"Oh! many little things. It was her odd way of ducking her head +about, as if to catch a good view of Ruth's left hand, that made +me think of the wedding-ring; and once, yesterday, when I thought +I had made up quite a natural speech, and was saying how sad it +was for so young a creature to be left a widow she broke in with +'widow be farred!' in a very strange, contemptuous kind of +manner." + +"If she suspects, we had far better tell her the truth at once. +She will never rest till she finds it out, so we must make a +virtue of necessity." + +"Well, brother, you shall tell her then, for I am sure I daren't. +I don't mind doing the thing, since you talked to me that day, +and since I have got to know Ruth; but I do mind all the clatter +people will make about it." + +"But Sally is not 'people.'" + +"Oh, I see it must be done; she'll talk as much as all the other +persons put together, so that's the reason I call her 'people.' +Shall I call her?" (For the house was too homely and primitive to +have bells.) + +Sally came, fully aware of what was now going to be told her, and +determined not to help them out in telling their awkward secret, +by understanding the nature of it before it was put into the +plainest language. In every pause, when they hoped she had caught +the meaning they were hinting at, she persisted in looking stupid +and perplexed, and in saying, "Well," as if quite unenlightened +as to the end of the story. When it was all complete and before +her, she said, honestly enough-- + +"It's just as I thought it was; and I think you may thank me for +having had the sense to put her into widow's caps, and clip off +that bonny brown hair that was fitter for a bride in lawful +matrimony than for such as her. She took it very well, though. +She was as quiet as a lamb, and I clipped her pretty roughly at +first. I must say, though, if I'd ha' known who your visitor was, +I'd ha' packed up my things and cleared myself out of the house +before such as her came into it. As it's done, I suppose I must +stand by you, and help you through with it; I only hope I sha'n't +lose my character--and me a parish-clerk's daughter!" + +"O Sally! people know you too well to think any ill of you," said +Miss Benson, who was pleased to find the difficulty so easily got +over; for, in truth, Sally had been much softened by the +unresisting gentleness with which Ruth had submitted to the +"clipping" of the night before. + +"If I'd been with you, Master Thurstan, I'd ha' seen sharp after +you, for you're always picking up some one or another as nobody +else would touch with a pair of tongs. Why, there was that Nelly +Brandon's child as was left at our door, if I hadn't gone to th' +overseer we should have had that Irish tramp's babby saddled on +us for life; but I went off and told th' overseer, and the mother +was caught." + +"Yes," said Mr. Benson sadly, "and I often lie awake and wonder +what is the fate of that poor little thing, forced back on the +mother who tried to get quit of it. I often doubt whether I did +right; but it's no use thinking about it now." + +"I'm thankful it isn't," said Sally; "and now, if we've talked +doctrine long enough, I'll make th' beds. Yon girl's secret is +safe enough for me." + +Saying this she left the room, and Miss Benson followed. She +found Ruth busy washing the breakfast things; and they were done +in so quiet and orderly a manner, that neither Miss Benson nor +Sally, both particular enough, had any of their little fancies or +prejudices annoyed. She seemed to have an instinctive knowledge +of the exact period when her help was likely to become a +hindrance, and withdrew from the busy kitchen just at the right +time. + +That afternoon, as Miss Benson and Ruth sat at their work, Mrs. +and Miss Bradshaw called. Miss Benson was so nervous as to +surprise Ruth, who did not understand the probable and possible +questions which might be asked respecting any visitor at the +minister's house. Ruth went on sewing, absorbed in her own +thoughts, and glad that the conversation between the two elder +ladies and the silence of the younger one, who sat at some +distance from her, gave her an opportunity of retreating into the +haunts of memory; and soon the work fell from her hands, and her +eyes were fixed on the little garden beyond, but she did not see +its flowers or its walls; she saw the mountains which girdled +Llan-dhu, and saw the sun rise from behind their iron outline, +just as it had done--how long ago? was it months or was it +years?--since she had watched the night through, crouched up at +his door. Which was the dream and which the reality? that distant +life or this? His moans rang more clearly in her ears than the +buzzing of the conversation between Mrs. Bradshaw and Miss +Benson. + +At length the subdued, scared-looking little lady and her +bright-eyed silent daughter rose to take leave; Ruth started into +the present, and stood up and curtseyed, and turned sick at heart +with sudden recollection. + +Miss Benson accompanied Mrs. Bradshaw to the door; and in the +passage gave her a long explanation of Ruth's (fictitious) +history. Mrs. Bradshaw looked so much interested and pleased, +that Miss Benson enlarged a little more than was necessary, and +rounded off her invention with one or two imaginary details, +which, she was quite unconscious, were overheard by her brother +through the half-open study door. + +She was rather dismayed when he called her into his room after +Mrs. Bradshaw's departure, and asked her what she had been saying +about Ruth? + +"Oh! I thought it was better to explain it thoroughly--I mean, to +tell the story we wished to have believed once for all--you know +we agreed about that, Thurstan?" deprecatingly. + +"Yes; but I heard you saying you believed her husband had been a +young surgeon, did I not?" + +"Well, Thurstan, you know he must have been something; and young +surgeons are so in the way of dying, it seemed very natural. +Besides," said she with sudden boldness, "I do think I've a +talent for fiction, it is so pleasant to invent, and make the +incidents dovetail together; and after all, if we are to tell a +lie, we may as well do it thoroughly, or else it's of no use. A +bungling lie would be worse than useless. And, Thurstan--it may +be very wrong--but I believe--I am afraid I enjoy not being +fettered by truth. Don't look so grave. You know it is necessary, +if ever it was, to tell falsehoods now; and don't be angry with +me because I do it well." + +He was shading his eyes with his hand, and did not speak for some +time. At last he said-- + +"If it were not for the child, I would tell all; but the world is +so cruel. You don't know how this apparent necessity for +falsehood pains me, Faith, or you would not invent all these +details, which are so many additional lies." + +"Well, well! I will restrain myself if I have to talk about Ruth +again. But Mrs. Bradshaw will tell every one who need to know. +You don't wish me to contradict it, Thurstan, surely--it was such +a pretty, probable story." + +"Faith! I hope God will forgive us if we are doing wrong; and +pray, dear, don't add one unnecessary word that is not true." + +Another day elapsed, and then it was Sunday: and the house seemed +filled with a deep peace. Even Sally's movements were less hasty +and abrupt. Mr. Benson seemed invested with a new dignity, which +made his bodily deformity be forgotten in his calm, grave +composure of spirit. Every trace of week-day occupation was put +away; the night before, a bright new handsome tablecloth had been +smoothed down over the table, and the jars had been freshly +filled with flowers. Sunday was a festival and a holyday in the +house. After the very early breakfast, little feet pattered into +Mr. Benson's study, for he had a class for boys--a sort of +domestic Sunday-school, only that there was more talking between +teachers and pupils, than dry, absolute lessons going on. Miss +Benson, too, had her little, neat-tippeted maidens sitting with +her in the parlour; and she was far more particular in keeping +them to their reading and spelling than her brother was with his +boys. Sally, too, put in her word of instruction from the +kitchen, helping, as she fancied, though her assistance was often +rather malapropos; for instance, she called out, to a little fat, +stupid, roly-poly girl, to whom Miss Benson was busy explaining +the meaning of the word quadruped-- + +"Quadruped, a thing wi' four legs, Jenny; a chair is a quadruped, +child!" + +But Miss Benson had a deaf manner sometimes when her patience was +not too severely tried, and she put it on now. Ruth sat on a low +hassock, and coaxed the least of the little creatures to her, and +showed it pictures till it fell asleep in her arms, and sent a +thrill through her, at the thought of the tiny darling who would +lie on her breast before long, and whom she would have to cherish +and to shelter from the storms of the world. + +And then she remembered, that she was once white and sinless as +the wee lassie who lay in her arms; and she knew that she had +gone astray. By-and-by the children trooped away, and Miss Benson +summoned her to put on her things for chapel. + +The chapel was up a narrow street, or rather cul-de-sac, close +by. It stood on the outskirts of the town, almost in fields. It +was built about the time of Matthew and Philip Henry, when the +Dissenters were afraid of attracting attention or observation, +and hid their places of worship in obscure and out-of-the-way +parts of the towns in which they were built. Accordingly, it +often happened, as in the present case, that the buildings +immediately surrounding, as well as the chapels themselves, +looked as if they carried you back to a period a hundred and +fifty years ago. The chapel had a picturesque and old-world look, +for luckily the congregation had been too poor to rebuild it, or +new-face it, in George the Third's time. The staircases which led +to the galleries were outside, at each end of the building, and +the irregular roof and worn stone steps looked grey and stained +by time and weather. The grassy hillocks, each with a little +upright headstone, were shaded by a grand old wych-elm. A +lilac-bush or two, a white rose-tree, and a few laburnums, all +old and gnarled enough, were planted round the chapel yard; and +the casement windows of the chapel were made of heavy-leaded, +diamond-shaped panes, almost covered with ivy, producing a green +gloom, not without its solemnity, within. This ivy was the home +of an infinite number of little birds, which twittered and +warbled, till it might have been thought that they were emulous +of the power of praise possessed by the human creatures within, +with such earnest, long-drawn strains did this crowd of winged +songsters rejoice and be glad in their beautiful gift of life. +The interior of the building was plain and simple as plain and +simple could be. When it was fitted up, oak-timber was much +cheaper than it is now, so the wood-work was all of that +description; but roughly hewed, for the early builders had not +much wealth to spare. The walls were whitewashed, and were +recipients of the shadows of the beauty without; on their "white +plains" the tracery of the ivy might be seen, now still, now +stirred by the sudden flight of some little bird. The +congregation consisted of here and there a farmer with his +labourers, who came down from the uplands beyond the town to +worship where their fathers worshipped, and who loved the place +because they knew how much those fathers had suffered for it, +although they never troubled themselves with the reason why they +left the parish church; and of a few shopkeepers, far more +thoughtful and reasoning, who were Dissenters from conviction, +unmixed with old ancestral association; and of one or two +families of still higher worldly station. With many poor, who +were drawn there by love for Mr. Benson's character, and by a +feeling that the faith which made him what he was could not be +far wrong, for the base of the pyramid, and with Mr. Bradshaw for +its apex, the congregation stood complete. + +The country people came in sleeking down their hair, and treading +with earnest attempts at noiseless lightness of step over the +floor of the aisle; and, by-and-by, when all were assembled, Mr. +Benson followed, unmarshalled and unattended. When he had closed +the pulpit-door, and knelt in prayer for an instant or two, he +gave out a psalm from the dear old Scottish paraphrase, with its +primitive inversion of the simple perfect Bible words; and a kind +of precentor stood up, and, having sounded the note on a +pitch-pipe, sang a couple of lines by way of indicating the tune; +then all the congregation stood up, and sang aloud, Mr. +Bradshaw's great bass voice being half a note in advance of the +others, in accordance with his place of precedence as principal +member of the congregation. His powerful voice was like an organ +very badly played, and very much out of tune; but as he had no +ear, and no diffidence, it pleased him very much to hear the fine +loud sound. He was a tall, large-boned, iron man; stern, +powerful, and authoritative in appearance; dressed in clothes of +the finest broadcloth, and scrupulously ill-made, as if to show +that he was indifferent to all outward things. His wife was sweet +and gentle-looking, but as if she was thoroughly broken into +submission. + +Ruth did not see this, or hear aught but the words which were +reverently--oh, how reverently!--spoken by Mr. Benson. He had had +Ruth present in his thoughts all the time he had been preparing +for his Sunday duty; and he had tried carefully to eschew +everything which she might feel as an allusion to her own case. +He remembered how the Good Shepherd, in Poussin's beautiful +picture, tenderly carried the lambs which had wearied themselves +by going astray, and felt how like tenderness was required +towards poor Ruth. But where is the chapter which does not +contain something which a broken and contrite spirit may not +apply to itself? And so it fell out that, as he read, Ruth's +heart was smitten, and she sank down, and down, till she was +kneeling on the floor of the pew, and speaking to God in the +spirit, if not in the words, of the Prodigal Son: "Father! I have +sinned against Heaven and before Thee, and am no more worthy to +be called Thy child!" Miss Benson was thankful (although she +loved Ruth the better for this self-abandonment) that the +minister's seat was far in the shade of the gallery. She tried to +look most attentive to her brother, in order that Mr. Bradshaw +might not suspect anything unusual, while she stealthily took +hold of Ruth's passive hand, as it lay helpless on the cushion, +and pressed it softly and tenderly. But Ruth sat on the ground, +bowed down and crushed in her sorrow, till all was ended. + +Miss Benson loitered in her seat, divided between the +consciousness that she, as locum tenens for the minister's wife, +was expected to be at the door to receive the kind greetings of +many after her absence from home, and her unwillingness to +disturb Ruth, who was evidently praying, and, by her quiet +breathing, receiving grave and solemn influences into her soul. +At length she rose up, calm and composed even to dignity. The +chapel was still and empty; but Miss Benson heard the buzz of +voices in the chapel-yard without. They were probably those of +people waiting for her; and she summoned courage, and taking +Ruth's arm in hers, and holding her hand affectionately, they +went out into the broad daylight. As they issued forth, Miss +Benson heard Mr. Bradshaw's strong bass voice speaking to her +brother, and winced, as she knew he would be wincing, under the +broad praise, which is impertinence, however little it may be +intended or esteemed as such. + +"Oh, yes!--my wife told me yesterday about her--her husband was a +surgeon; my father was a surgeon too, as I think you have heard. +Very much to your credit, I must say, Mr. Benson, with your +limited means, to burden yourself with a poor relation. Very +creditable indeed." + +Miss Benson glanced at Ruth; she either did not hear or did not +understand, but passed on into the awful sphere of Mr. Bradshaw's +observation unmoved. He was in a bland and condescending humour +of universal approval, and when he saw Ruth he nodded his head in +token of satisfaction. That ordeal was over, Miss Benson thought, +and in the thought rejoiced. + +"After dinner, you must go and lie down, my dear," said she, +untying Ruth's bonnet-strings, and kissing her. "Sally goes to +church again, but you won't mind staying alone in the house. I am +sorry we have so many people to dinner; but my brother will +always have enough on Sundays for any old or weak people, who may +have come from a distance, to stay and dine with us; and to-day +they all seem to have come, because it is his first Sabbath at +home." + +In this way Ruth's first Sunday passed over. + + +CHAPTER XV + + +MOTHER AND CHILD + +"Here is a parcel for you, Ruth!" said Miss Benson on the Tuesday +morning. + +"For me!" said Ruth, all sorts of rushing thoughts and hopes +filling her mind, and turning her dizzy with expectation. If it +had been from "him," the new-born resolutions would have had a +bard struggle for existence. + +"It is directed 'Mrs. Denbigh,'" said Miss Benson, before giving +it up. "It is in Mrs. Bradshaw's handwriting;" and, far more +curious than Ruth, she awaited the untying of the close-knotted +string. When the paper was opened, it displayed a whole piece of +delicate cambric muslin; and there was a short note from Mrs. +Bradshaw to Ruth, saying her husband had wished her to send this +muslin in aid of any preparations Mrs. Denbigh might have to +make. Ruth said nothing, but coloured up, and sat down again to +her employment. + +"Very fine muslin, indeed," said Miss Benson, feeling it, and +holding it up against the light, with the air of a connoisseur; +yet all the time she was glancing at Ruth's grave face. The +latter kept silence, and showed no wish to inspect her present +further. At last she said, in a low voice-- + +"I suppose I may send it back again?" + +"My dear child! send it back to Mr. Bradshaw! You'd offend him +for life. You may depend upon it, he means it as a mark of high +favour!" + +"What right had he to send it me?" asked Ruth, still in her quiet +voice. + +"What right? Mr. Bradshaw thinks----I don't know exactly what +you mean by 'right.'" + +Ruth was silent for a moment, and then said-- + +"There are people to whom I love to feel that I owe +gratitude--gratitude which I cannot express, and had better not +talk about--but I cannot see why a person whom I do not know +should lay me under an obligation. Oh! don't say I must take this +muslin, please, Miss Benson!" + +What Miss Benson might have said if her brother had not just then +entered the room, neither he nor any other person could tell; but +she felt his presence was most opportune, and called him in as +umpire. He had come hastily, for he had much to do; but he no +sooner heard the case than he sat down, and tried to draw some +more explicit declaration of her feeling from Ruth, who had +remained silent during Miss Benson's explanation. + +"You would rather send this present back?" said he. + +"Yes," she answered softly. "Is it wrong?" + +"Why do you want to return it?" + +"Because I feel as if Mr. Bradshaw had no right to offer it me." + +Mr. Benson was silent. + +"It's beautifully fine," said Miss Benson, still examining the +piece. + +"You think that it is a right which must be earned?" + +"Yes," said she, after a minute's pause. "Don't you?" + +"I understand what you mean. It is a delight to have gifts made +to you by those whom you esteem and love, because then such gifts +are merely to be considered as fringes to the garment--as +inconsiderable additions to the mighty treasure of their +affection, adding a grace, but no additional value, to what +before was precious, and proceeding as naturally out of that as +leaves burgeon out upon the trees; but you feel it to be +different when there is no regard for the giver to idealise the +gift--when it simply takes its stand among your property as so +much money's value. Is this it, Ruth?" + +"I think it is. I never reasoned why I felt as I did; I only knew +that Mr. Bradshaw's giving me a present hurt me, instead of +making me glad." + +"Well, but there is another side of the case we have not looked +at yet--we must think of that, too. You know who said, 'Do unto +others as ye would that they should do unto you'? Mr. Bradshaw +may not have had that in his mind when he desired his wife to +send you this; he may have been self-seeking, and only anxious to +gratify his love of patronising--that is the worst motive we can +give him; and that would be no excuse for your thinking only of +yourself, and returning his present." + +"But you would not have me pretend to be obliged?" asked Ruth. + +"No, I would not. I have often been similarly situated to you, +Ruth; Mr. Bradshaw has frequently opposed me on the points on +which I feel the warmest--am the most earnestly convinced. He, no +doubt, thinks me Quixotic, and often speaks of me, and to me, +with great contempt when he is angry. I suppose he has a little +fit of penitence afterwards, or perhaps he thinks he can pay for +ungracious speeches by a present; so, formerly, he invariably +sent me something after these occasions. It was a time, of all +others, to feel as you are doing now; but I became convinced it +would be right to accept them, giving only the very cool thanks +which I felt. This omission of all show of much gratitude had the +best effect--the presents have much diminished; but, if the gifts +have lessened, the unjustifiable speeches have decreased in still +greater proportion, and I am sure we respect each other more. +Take this muslin, Ruth, for the reason I named; and thank him as +your feelings prompt you. Overstrained expressions of gratitude +always seem like an endeavour to place the receiver of these +expressions in the position of debtor for future favours. But you +won't fall into this error." + +Ruth listened to Mr. Benson; but she had not yet fallen +sufficiently into the tone of his mind to understand him fully. +She only felt that he comprehended her better than Miss Benson, +who once more tried to reconcile her to her present, by calling +her attention to the length and breadth thereof. + +"I will do what you wish me," she said, after a little pause of +thoughtfulness. + +"May we talk of something else?" + +Mr. Benson saw that his sister's frame of mind was not +particularly congenial with Ruth's, any more than Ruth's was with +Miss Benson's; and, putting aside all thought of returning to the +business which had appeared to him so important when he came into +the room (but which principally related to himself), he remained +above an hour in the parlour, interesting them on subjects far +removed from the present, and left them at the end of that time +soothed and calm. + +But the present gave a new current to Ruth's ideas. Her heart was +as yet too sore to speak, but her mind was crowded with plans. +She asked Sally to buy her (with the money produced by the sale +of a ring or two) the coarsest linen, the homeliest dark blue +print, and similar materials; on which she set busily to work to +make clothes for herself; and as they were made, she put them on; +and as she put them on, she gave a grace to each, which such +homely material and simple shaping had never had before. Then the +fine linen and delicate soft white muslin, which she had chosen +in preference to more expensive articles of dress when Mr. +Bellingham had given her carte blanche in London, were cut into +small garments, most daintily stitched and made ready for the +little creature, for whom in its white purity of soul nothing +could be too precious. + +The love which dictated this extreme simplicity and coarseness of +attire, was taken for stiff, hard economy by Mr. Bradshaw, when +he deigned to observe it. And economy by itself, without any soul +or spirit in it to make it living and holy, was a great merit in +his eyes. Indeed, Ruth altogether found favour with him. Her +quiet manner, subdued by an internal consciousness of a deeper +cause for sorrow than he was aware of, he interpreted into a very +proper and becoming awe of him. He looked off from his own +prayers to observe how well she attended to hers at chapel; when +he came to any verse in the hymn relating to immortality or a +future life, he sung it unusually loud, thinking he should thus +comfort her in her sorrow for her deceased husband. He desired +Mrs. Bradshaw to pay her every attention she could; and even once +remarked, that he thought her so respectable a young person that +he should not object to her being asked to tea the next time Mr. +and Miss Benson came. He added, that he thought, indeed, Benson +had looked last Sunday as if he rather hoped to get an +invitation; and it was right to encourage the ministers, and to +show them respect, even though their salaries were small. The +only thing against this Mrs. Denbigh was the circumstance of her +having married too early, and without any provision for a family. +Though Ruth pleaded delicacy of health, and declined accompanying +Mr. and Miss Benson on their visit to Mr. Bradshaw, she still +preserved her place in his esteem; and Miss Benson had to call a +little upon her "talent for fiction" to spare Ruth from the +infliction of further presents, in making which his love of +patronising delighted. + +The yellow and crimson leaves came floating down on the still +October air; November followed, bleak and dreary; it was more +cheerful when the earth put on her beautiful robe of white, which +covered up all the grey naked stems, and loaded the leaves of the +hollies and evergreens each with its burden of feathery snow. +When Ruth sat down to languor and sadness, Miss Benson trotted +upstairs, and rummaged up every article of spare or worn-out +clothing, and bringing down a variety of strange materials, she +tried to interest Ruth in making them up into garments for the +poor. But, though Ruth's fingers flew through the work, she still +sighed with thought and remembrance. Miss Benson was at first +disappointed, and then she was angry. When she heard the low, +long sigh, and saw the dreamy eyes filling with glittering tears, +she would say, "What is the matter, Ruth?" in a half-reproachful +tone, for the sight of suffering was painful to her; she had done +all in her power to remedy it; and, though she acknowledged a +cause beyond her reach for Ruth's deep sorrow, and, in fact, +loved and respected her all the more for these manifestations of +grief, yet at the time they irritated her. Then Ruth would snatch +up the dropped work, and stitch away with drooping eyes, from +which the hot tears fell fast; and Miss Benson was then angry +with herself, yet not at all inclined to agree with Sally when +she asked her mistress "why she kept 'mithering' the poor lass +with asking her for ever what was the matter, as if she did not +know well enough." Some element of harmony was wanting--some +little angel of peace, in loving whom all hearts and natures +should be drawn together, and their discords hushed. The earth +was still "hiding her guilty front with innocent snow," when a +little baby was laid by the side of the pale, white mother. It +was a boy; beforehand she had wished for a girl, as being less +likely to feel the want of a father--as being what a mother, +worse than widowed, could most effectually shelter. But now she +did not think or remember this. What it was, she would not have +exchanged for a wilderness of girls. It was her own, her darling, +her individual baby, already, though not an hour old, separate +and sole in her heart, strangely filling up its measure with love +and peace, and even hope. For here was a new, pure, beautiful, +innocent life, which she fondly imagined, in that early passion +of maternal love, she could guard from every touch of corrupting +sin by ever watchful and most tender care. And her mother had +thought the same, most probably; and thousands of others think +the same, and pray to God to purify and cleanse their souls, that +they may be fit guardians for their little children. Oh, how Ruth +prayed, even while she was yet too weak to speak; and how she +felt the beauty and significance of the words, "Our Father!" + +She was roused from this holy abstraction by the sound of Miss +Benson's voice. It was very much as if she had been crying. + +"Look, Ruth!" it said softly, "my brother sends you these. They +are the first snowdrops in the garden." And she put them on the +pillow by Ruth; the baby lay on the opposite side. + +"Won't you look at him?" said Ruth; "he is so pretty!" + +Miss Benson had a strange reluctance to see him. To Ruth, in +spite of all that had come and gone, she was reconciled--nay, +more, she was deeply attached; but over the baby there hung a +cloud of shame and disgrace. Poor little creature! her heart was +closed against it--firmly, as she thought. But she could not +resist Ruth's low faint voice, nor her pleading eyes, and she +went round to peep at him as he lay on his mother's arm, as yet +his shield and guard. + +"Sally says he will have black hair, she thinks," said Ruth. "His +little hand is quite a man's, already. Just feel how firmly he +closes it;" and with her own weak fingers she opened his little +red fist, and taking Miss Benson's reluctant hand, placed one of +her fingers in his grasp. That baby-touch called out her love; +the doors of her heart were thrown open wide for the little +infant to go in and take possession. + +"Ah, my darling!" said Ruth, failing back weak and weary. "If God +will but spare you to me, never mother did more than I will. I +have done you a grievous wrong--but, if I may but live, I will +spend my life in serving you!" + +"And in serving God!" said Miss Benson, with tears in her eyes. +"You must not make him into an idol, or God will, perhaps, punish +you through him." + +A pang of affright shot through Ruth's heart at these words; had +she already sinned and made her child into an idol, and was there +punishment already in store for her through him? But then the +internal voice whispered that God was "Our Father," and that He +knew our frame, and knew how natural was the first outburst of a +mother's love; so, although she treasured up the warning, she +ceased to affright herself for what had already gushed forth. + +"Now go to sleep, Ruth," said Miss Benson, kissing her, and +darkening the room. But Ruth could not sleep; if her heavy eyes +closed, she opened them again with a start, for sleep seemed to +be an enemy stealing from her the consciousness of being a +mother. That one thought excluded all remembrance and all +anticipation, in those first hours of delight. + +But soon remembrance and anticipation came. There was the natural +want of the person, who alone could take an interest similar in +kind, though not in amount, to the mother's. And sadness grew +like a giant in the still watches of the night, when she +remembered that there would be no father to guide and strengthen +the child, and place him in a favourable position for fighting +the hard "Battle of Life." She hoped and believed that no one +would know the sin of his parents; and that that struggle might +be spared to him. But a father's powerful care and mighty +guidance would never be his; and then, in those hours of +spiritual purification, came the wonder and the doubt of how far +the real father would be the one to whom, with her desire of +heaven for her child, whatever might become of herself, she would +wish to intrust him. Slight speeches, telling of a selfish, +worldly nature, unnoticed at the time, came back upon her ear, +having a new significance. They told of a low standard, of +impatient self-indulgence, of no acknowledgment of things +spiritual and heavenly. Even while this examination was forced +upon her, by the new spirit of maternity that had entered into +her and made her child's welfare supreme, she hated and +reproached herself for the necessity there seemed upon her of +examining and judging the absent father of her child. And so the +compelling presence that had taken possession of her wearied her +into a kind of feverish slumber; in which she dreamt that the +innocent babe that lay by her side in soft ruddy slumber, had +started up into man's growth, and, instead of the pure and noble +being whom she had prayed to present as her child to "Our Father +in heaven," he was a repetition of his father; and, like him, +lured some maiden (who in her dream seemed strangely like +herself, only more utterly sad and desolate even than she) into +sin, and left her there to even a worse fate than that of +suicide. For Ruth believed there was a worse. She dreamt she saw +the girl, wandering, lost; and that she saw her son in high +places, prosperous--but with more than blood on his soul. She saw +her son dragged down by the clinging girl into some pit of +horrors into which she dared not look, but from whence his +father's voice was heard, crying aloud, that in his day and +generation he had not remembered the words of God, and that now +he was "tormented in this flame." Then she started in sick +terror, and saw, by the dim rushlight, Sally, nodding in an +armchair by the fire; and felt her little soft warm babe, nestled +up against her breast, rocked by her heart, which yet beat hard +from the effects of the evil dream. She dared not go to sleep +again, but prayed. And, every time she prayed, she asked with a +more complete wisdom, and a more utter and self-forgetting faith. +Little child! thy angel was with God, and drew her nearer and +nearer to Him, whose face is continually beheld by the angels of +little children. + + +CHAPTER XVI + + +SALLY TELLS OF HER SWEETHEARTS, AND DISCOURSES ON THE DUTIES OF +LIFE + +Sally and Miss Benson took it in turns to sit up, or rather, they +took it in turns to nod by the fire; for if Ruth was awake she +lay very still in the moonlight calm of her sick bed. That time +resembled a beautiful August evening, such as I have seen. The +white, snowy rolling mist covers up under its great sheet all +trees and meadows, and tokens of earth; but it cannot rise high +enough to shut out the heavens, which on such nights seem bending +very near, and to be the only real and present objects; and so +near, so real and present, did heaven, and eternity, and God seem +to Ruth, as she lay encircling her mysterious holy child. + +One night Sally found out she was not asleep. + +"I'm a rare hand at talking folks to sleep," said she. "I'll try +on thee, for thou must get strength by sleeping and eating. What +must I talk to thee about, I wonder. Shall I tell thee a love +story or a fairy story, such as I've telled Master Thurstan many +a time and many a time, for all his father set his face again +fairies, and called it vain talking; or shall I tell you the +dinner I once cooked, when Mr. Harding, as was Miss Faith's +sweetheart, came unlooked for, and we'd nought in the house but a +neck of mutton, out of which I made seven dishes, all with a +different name?" + +"Who was Mr. Harding?" asked Ruth. + +"Oh, he was a grand gentleman from Lunnon, as had seen Miss +Faith, and been struck by her pretty looks when she was out on a +visit, and came here to ask her to marry him. She said, 'No, she +would never leave Master Thurstan, as could never marry;' but she +pined a deal at after he went away. She kept up afore Master +Thurstan, but I seed her fretting, though I never let on that I +did, for I thought she'd soonest get over it and be thankful at +after she'd the strength to do right. However, I've no business +to be talking of Miss Benson's concerns. I'll tell you of my own +sweethearts and welcome, or I'll tell you of the dinner, which +was the grandest thing I ever did in my life, but I thought a +Lunnoner should never think country folks knew nothing; and, my +word, I puzzled him with his dinner. I'm doubting whether to this +day he knows whether what he was eating was fish, flesh, or fowl. +Shall I tell you how I managed?" + +But Ruth said she would rather hear about Sally's sweethearts; +much to the disappointment of the latter, who considered the +dinner by far the greatest achievement. + +"Well, you see, I don't know as I should call them sweethearts; +for excepting John Rawson, who was shut up in a mad-house the +next week, I never had what you may call a downright offer of +marriage but once. But I had once; and so I may say I had a +sweetheart. I was beginning to be afeard though, for one likes to +be axed; that's but civility; and I remember, after I had turned +forty, and afore Jeremiah Dixon had spoken, I began to think John +Rawson had perhaps not been so very mad, and that I'd done ill to +lightly his offer, as a madman's, if it was to be the only one I +was ever to have; I don't mean as I'd have had him, but I +thought, if it was to come o'er again, I'd speak respectful of +him to folk, and say it were only his way to go about on +all-fours, but that he was a sensible man in most things. However +I'd had my laugh, and so had others, at my crazy lover, and it +was late now to set him up as a Solomon. However, I thought it +would be no bad thing to be tried again; but I little thought the +trial would come when it did. You see, Saturday night is a +leisure night in counting-houses and such-like places, while it's +the busiest of all for servants. Well! it was a Saturday night, +and I'd my baize apron on, and the tails of my bed-gown pinned +together behind, down on my knees, pipeclaying the kitchen, when +a knock comes to the back door. 'Come in!' says I; but it knocked +again, as if it were too stately to open the door for itself; so +I got up rather cross, and opened the door; and there stood Jerry +Dixon, Mr. Holt's head-clerk; only he was not head-clerk then. So +I stood, stopping up the door, fancying he wanted to speak to +master; but he kind of pushed past me, and telling me summut +about the weather (as if I could not see it for myself), he took +a chair, and sat down by the oven. 'Cool and easy!' thought I; +meaning hisself, not his place, which I knew must be pretty hot. +Well! it seemed no use standing waiting for my gentleman to go; +not that he had much to say either; but he kept twirling his hat +round and round, and smoothing the nap on't with the back of his +hand. So at last I squatted down to my work, and thinks I, I +shall be on my knees all ready if he puts up a prayer, for I knew +he was a Methodee by bringing-up, and had only lately turned to +master's way of thinking; and them Methodees are terrible hands +at unexpected prayers when one least looks for 'em. I can't say I +like their way of taking one by surprise, as it were; but then +I'm a parish-clerk's daughter, and could never demean myself to +dissenting fashions, always save and except Master Thurstan's, +bless him. However, I'd been caught once or twice unawares, so +this time I thought I'd be up to it, and I moved a dry duster +wherever I went, to kneel upon in case he began when I were in a +wet place. By-and-by I thought, if the man would pray it would be +a blessing, for it would prevent his sending his eyes after me +wherever I went; for when they takes to praying they shuts their +eyes, and quivers th' lids in a queer kind o' way--them +Dissenters does. I can speak pretty plain to you, for you're bred +in the Church like mysel', and must find it as out o' the way as +I do to be among dissenting folk. God forbid I should speak +disrespectful of Master Thurstan and Miss Faith, though; I never +think on them as Church or Dissenters, but just as Christians. +But to come back to Jerry. First, I tried always to be cleaning +at his back; but when he wheeled round, so as always to face me, +I thought I'd try a different game. So, says I, 'Master Dixon, I +ax your pardon, but I must pipeclay under your chair. Will you +please to move?' Well, he moved; and by-and-by I was at him again +with the same words; and at after that, again and again, till he +were always moving about wi' his chair behind him, like a snail +as carries its house on its back. And the great gaupus never seed +that I were pipeclaying the same places twice over. At last I got +desperate cross, he were so in my way; so I made two big crosses +on the tails of his brown coat; for you see, wherever he went, up +or down, he drew out the tails of his coat from under him, and +stuck them through the bars of the chair; and flesh and blood +could not resist pipeclaying them for him; and a pretty brushing +he'd have, I reckon, to get it off again. Well! at length he +clears his throat uncommon loud; so I spreads my duster, and +shuts my eyes all ready; but when nought comed of it, I opened my +eyes a little bit to see what he were about. My word! if there he +wasn't down on his knees right facing me, staring as hard as he +could. Well! I thought it would be hard work to stand that, if he +made a long ado; so I shut my eyes again, and tried to think +serious, as became what I fancied were coming; but forgive me! +but I thought why couldn't the fellow go in and pray wi' Master +Thurstan, as had always a calm spirit ready for prayer, instead +o' me who had my dresser to scour, let alone an apron to iron. At +last he says, says he, 'Sally! will you oblige me with your +hand?' So I thought it were, maybe, Methodee fashion to pray hand +in hand; and I'll not deny but I wished I'd washed it better +after blackleading the kitchen fire. I thought I'd better tell +him it were not so clean as I could wish, so says I, 'Master +Dixon, you shall have it, and welcome, if I may just go and wash +'em first.' But, says he, 'My dear Sally, dirty or clean, it's +all the same to me, seeing I'm only speaking in a figuring way. +What I'm asking on my bended knees is, that you'd please to be so +kind as to be my wedded wife; week after next will suit me, if +it's agreeable to you!' My word! I were up on my feet in an +instant! It were odd now, weren't it? I never thought of taking +the fellow, and getting married; for all, I'll not deny, I had +been thinking it would be agreeable to be axed. But all at once, +I couldn't abide the chap. 'Sir,' says I, trying to look +shamefaced as became the occasion, but for all that feeling a +twittering round my mouth that I were afeard might end in a +laugh--'Master Dixon, I'm obleeged to you for the compliment, and +thank ye all the same, but I think I'd prefer a single life.' He +looked mighty taken aback; but in a minute he cleared up, and was +as sweet as ever. He still kept on his knees, and I wished he'd +take himself up; but, I reckon, he thought it would give force to +his words; says he, 'Think again, my dear Sally. I've a +four-roomed house, and furniture conformable; and eighty pound a +year. You may never have such a chance again.' There were truth +enough in that, but it was not pretty in the man to say it; and +it put me up a bit. 'As for that, neither you nor I can tell, +Master Dixon. You're not the first chap as I've had down on his +knees afore me, axing me to marry him (you see I were thinking of +John Rawson, only I thought there were no need to say he were on +all-fours--it were truth he were on his knees, you know), and +maybe you'll not be the last. Anyhow, I've no wish to change my +condition just now.' 'I'll wait till Christmas,' says he. 'I've a +pig as will be ready for killing then, so I must get married +before that.' Well now! would you believe it? the pig was a +temptation. I'd a receipt for curing hams, as Miss Faith would +never let me try, saying the old way were good enough. However, I +resisted. Says I, very stern, because I felt I'd been wavering, +'Master Dixon, once for all, pig or no pig, I'll not marry you. +And if you'll take my advice, you'll get up off your knees. The +flags is but damp yet, and it would be an awkward thing to have +rheumatiz just before winter.' With that he got up, stiff enough. +He looked as sulky a chap as ever I clapped eyes on. And as he +were so black and cross, I thought I'd done well (whatever came +of the pig) to say 'No' to him. 'You may live to repent this,' +says he, very red. 'But I'll not be hard upon ye, I'll give you +another chance. I'll let you have the night to think about it, +and I'll just call in to hear your second thoughts, after chapel, +to-morrow.' Well now! did ever you hear the like! But that is the +way with all of them men, thinking so much of theirselves, and +that it's but ask and have. They've never had me, though; and I +shall be sixty-one next Martinmas, so there's not much time left +for them to try me, I reckon. Well! when Jeremiah said that he +put me up more than ever, and I says, 'My first thoughts, second +thoughts, and third thoughts is all one and the same; you've but +tempted me once, and that was when you spoke of your pig. But of +yoursel' you're nothing to boast on, and so I'll bid you good +night, and I'll keep my manners, or else, if I told the truth, I +should say it had been a great loss of time listening to you. But +I'll be civil--so good night.' He never said a word, but went off +as black as thunder, slamming the door after him. The master +called me in to prayers, but I can't say I could put my mind to +them, for my heart was beating so. However, it was a comfort to +have had an offer of holy matrimony; and though it flustered me, +it made me think more of myself. In the night, I began to wonder +if I'd not been cruel and hard to him. You see, I were +feverish-like; and the old song of Barbary Allen would keep +running in my head, and I thought I were Barbary, and he were +young Jemmy Gray, and that maybe he'd die for love of me; and I +pictured him to mysel', lying on his death-bed, with his face +turned to the wall 'wi' deadly sorrow sighing,' and I could ha' +pinched mysel' for having been so like cruel Barbary Allen. And +when I got up next day, I found it hard to think on the real +Jerry Dixon I had seen the night before, apart from the sad and +sorrowful Jerry I thought on a-dying, when I were between +sleeping and waking. And for many a day I turned sick, when I +heard the passing bell, for I thought it were the bell +loud-knelling which were to break my heart wi' a sense of what +I'd missed in saying 'No' to Jerry, and so idling him with +cruelty. But in less than a three week, I heard parish bells +a-ringing merrily for a wedding; and in the course of the +morning, some one says to me, 'Hark! how the bells is ringing for +Jerry Dixon's wedding!' And, all on a sudden, he changed back +again from a heart-broken young fellow, like Jemmy Gray, into a +stout, middle-aged man, ruddy-complexioned, with a wart on his +left cheek like life!" + +Sally waited for some exclamation at the conclusion of her tale; +but receiving none, she stepped softly to the bedside, and there +lay Ruth, peaceful as death, with her baby on her breast. + +"I thought I'd lost some of my gifts if I could not talk a body +to sleep," said Sally, in a satisfied and self-complacent tone. + +Youth is strong and powerful, and makes a hard battle against +sorrow. So Ruth strove and strengthened, and her baby flourished +accordingly; and before the little celandines were out on the +hedge-banks, or the white violets had sent forth their fragrance +from the border under the south wall of Miss Benson's small +garden, Ruth was able to carry her baby into that sheltered place +on sunny days. + +She often wished to thank Mr. Benson and his sister, but she did +not know how to tell the deep gratitude she felt, and therefore +she was silent. But they understood her silence well. One day, as +she watched her sleeping child, she spoke to Miss Benson, with +whom she happened to be alone. + +"Do you know of any cottage where the people are clean, and where +they would not mind taking me in?" asked she. + +"Taking you in! What do you mean?" said Miss Benson, dropping her +knitting, in order to observe Ruth more closely. + +"I mean," said Ruth, "where I might lodge with my baby--any very +poor place would do, only it must be clean, or he might be ill." + +"And what in the world do you want to go and lodge in a cottage +for?" said Miss Benson indignantly. + +Ruth did not lift up her eyes, but she spoke with a firmness +which showed that she had considered the subject. + +"I think I could make dresses. I know I did not learn as much as +I might, but perhaps I might do for servants and people who are +not particular." + +"Servants are as particular as any one," said Miss Benson, glad +to lay hold of the first objection that she could. + +"Well! somebody who would be patient with me," said Ruth. + +"Nobody is patient over an ill-fitting gown," put in Miss Benson. +"There's the stuff spoilt, and what not!" + +"Perhaps I could find plain work to do," said Ruth, very meekly. +"That I can do very well; mamma taught me, and I liked to learn +from her. If you would be so good, Miss Benson, you might tell +people I could do plain work very neatly, and punctually, and +cheaply." + +"You'd get sixpence a day, perhaps," said Miss Benson "and who +would take care of baby, I should like to know? Prettily he'd be +neglected, would not he? Why, he'd have the croup and the typhus +fever in no time, and be burnt to ashes after." + +"I have thought of all. Look how he sleeps! Hush, darling;" for +just at this point he began to cry, and to show his determination +to be awake, as if in contradiction to his mother's words. Ruth +took him up, and carried him about the room while she went on +speaking. + +"Yes, just now I know he will not sleep; but very often he will, +and in the night he always does." + +"And so you'd work in the night and kill yourself, and leave your +poor baby an orphan. Ruth! I'm ashamed of you. Now, brother" (Mr. +Benson had just come in), "is not this too bad of Ruth? here she +is planning to go away and leave us, just as we--as I, at +least--have grown so fond of baby, and he's beginning to know +me." + +"Where were you thinking of going to, Ruth?" interrupted Mr. +Benson, with mild surprise. + +"Anywhere to be near you and Miss Benson; in any poor cottage +where I might lodge very cheaply, and earn my livelihood by +taking in plain sewing, and perhaps a little dressmaking; and +where I could come and see you and dear Miss Benson sometimes and +bring baby." + +"If he was not dead before then of some fever, or burn, or scald, +poor neglected child, or you had not worked yourself to death +with never sleeping" said Miss Benson. + +Mr. Benson thought a minute or two, and then he spoke to Ruth-- + +"Whatever you may do when this little fellow is a year old, and +able to dispense with some of a mother's care, let me beg you, +Ruth, as a favour to me--as a still greater favour to my sister, +is it not, Faith?" + +"Yes; you may put it so if you like." + +"To stay with us," continued he, "till then. When baby is twelve +months old, we'll talk about it again, and very likely before +then some opening may be shown us. Never fear leading an idle +life, Ruth. We'll treat you as a daughter, and set you all the +household tasks; and it is not for your sake that we ask you to +stay, but for this little dumb helpless child's: and it is not +for our sake that you must stay, but for his." + +Ruth was sobbing. + +"I do not deserve your kindness," said she, in a broken voice; "I +do not deserve it." + +Her tears fell fast and soft like summer rain, but no further +word was spoken. Mr. Benson quietly passed on to make the inquiry +for which he had entered the room. + +But when there was nothing to decide upon, and no necessity for +entering upon any new course of action, Ruth's mind relaxed from +its strung-up state. She fell into trains of reverie, and +mournful regretful recollections which rendered her languid and +tearful. This was noticed both by Miss Benson and Sally, and as +each had kind sympathies, and felt depressed when they saw any +one near them depressed, and as each, without much reasoning on +the cause or reason for such depression, felt irritated at the +uncomfortable state into which they themselves were thrown, they +both resolved to speak to Ruth on the next fitting occasion. +Accordingly, one afternoon--the morning of that day had been +spent by Ruth in house-work, for she had insisted on Mr. Benson's +words, and had taken Miss Benson's share of the more active and +fatiguing household duties, but she went through them heavily, +and as if her heart was far away--in the afternoon when she was +nursing her child, Sally, on coming into the back parlour, found +her there alone, and easily detected the fact that she was +crying. + +"Where's Miss Benson?" asked Sally gruffly. + +"Gone out with Mr. Benson," answered Ruth, with an absent sadness +in her voice and manner. Her tears, scarce checked while she +spoke, began to fall afresh; and as Sally stood and gazed she saw +the babe look hack in his mother's face, and his little lip begin +to quiver, and his open blue eye to grow overclouded, as with +some mysterious sympathy with the sorrowful face bent over him. +Sally took him briskly from his mother's arms; Ruth looked up in +grave surprise, for in truth she had forgotten Sally's presence, +and the suddenness of the motion startled her. + +"My bonny boy! are they letting the salt tears drop on thy sweet +face before thou'rt weaned! Little somebody knows how to be a +mother--I could make a better myself. 'Dance, thumbkin, +dance--dance, ye merry men every one.' Ay, that's it! smile, my +pretty. Any one but a child like thee," continued she, turning to +Ruth, "would have known better than to bring ill-luck on thy +babby by letting tears fall on its face before it was weaned. But +thou'rt not fit to have a babby, and so I've said many a time. +I've a great mind to buy thee a doll, and take thy babby mysel'." + +Sally did not look at Ruth, for she was too much engaged in +amusing the baby with the tassel of the string to the +window-blind, or else she would have seen the dignity which the +mother's soul put into Ruth at that moment. Sally was quelled +into silence by the gentle composure, the self-command over her +passionate sorrow, which gave to Ruth an unconscious grandeur of +demeanour as she came up to the old servant. + +"Give him back to me, please. I did not know it brought ill-luck, +or if my heart broke I would not have let a tear drop on his +face--I never will again. Thank you, Sally," as the servant +relinquished him to her who came in the name of a mother. Sally +watched Ruth's grave, sweet smile, as she followed up Sally's +play with the tassel, and imitated, with all the docility +inspired by love, every movement and sound which had amused her +babe. + +"Thou'lt be a mother, after all," said Sally, with a kind of +admiration of the control which Ruth was exercising over herself. +"But why talk of thy heart breaking? I don't question thee about +what's past and gone; but now thou'rt wanting for nothing, nor +thy child either; the time to come is the Lord's and in His +hands; and yet thou goest about a-sighing and a-moaning in a way +that I can't stand or thole." + +"What do I do wrong?" said Ruth; "I try to do all I can." + +"Yes, in a way," said Sally, puzzled to know how to describe her +meaning. "Thou dost it--but there's a right and a wrong way of +setting about everything--and to my thinking, the right way is to +take a thing up heartily, if it is only making a bed. Why! dear +ah me, making a bed may be done after a Christian fashion, I take +it, or else what's to come of such as me in heaven, who've had +little enough time on earth for clapping ourselves down on our +knees for set prayers? When I was a girl, and wretched enough +about Master Thurstan, and the crook on his back which came of +the fall I gave him, I took to praying and sighing, and giving up +the world; and I thought it were wicked to care for the flesh, so +I made heavy puddings, and was careless about dinner and the +rooms, and thought I was doing my duty, though I did call myself +a miserable sinner. But one night, the old missus (Master +Thurstan's mother) came in, and sat down by me, as I was +a-scolding myself, without thinking of what I was saying; and, +says she, 'Sally! what are you blaming yourself about, and +groaning over? We hear you in the parlour every night, and it +makes my heart ache.' 'Oh, ma'am,' says I, 'I'm a miserable +sinner, and I'm travailing in the new birth.' 'Was that the +reason,' says she, 'why the pudding was so heavy to-day?' 'Oh, +ma'am, ma'am,' said I, 'if you would not think of the things of +the flesh, but trouble yourself about your immortal soul.' And I +sat a-shaking my head to think about her soul. 'But,' says she, +in her sweet dropping voice, 'I do try to think of my soul every +hour of the day, if by that you mean trying to do the will of +God, but we'll talk now about the pudding; Master Thurstan could +not eat it, and I know you'll be sorry for that.' Well! I was +sorry, but I didn't choose to say so, as she seemed to expect me; +so says I, 'It's a pity to see children brought up to care for +things of the flesh;' and then I could have bitten my tongue out, +for the missus looked so grave, and I thought of my darling +little lad pining for want of his food. At last, says she, +'Sally, do you think God has put us into the world just to be +selfish, and do nothing but see after our own souls? or to help +one another with heart and hand, as Christ did to all who wanted +help?' I was silent, for, you see, she puzzled me. So she went +on, 'What is that beautiful answer in your Church catechism, +Sally?' I were pleased to hear a Dissenter, as I did not think +would have done it, speak so knowledgeably about the catechism, +and she went on: '"to do my duty in that station of life unto +which it shall please God to call me;" well, your station is a +servant and it is as honourable as a king's, if you look at it +right; you are to help and serve others in one way, just as a +king is to help others in another. Now what way are you to help +and serve, or to do your duty, in that station of life unto which +it has pleased God to call you? Did it answer God's purpose, and +serve Him, when the food was unfit for a child to eat, and +unwholesome for any one?' Well! I would not give it up, I was so +pig-headed about my soul; so says I, 'I wish folks would be +content with locusts and wild honey, and leave other folks in +peace to work out their salvation;' and I groaned out pretty loud +to think of missus's soul. I often think since she smiled a bit +at me; but she said, 'Well, Sally, to-morrow, you shall have time +to work out your salvation; but as we have no locusts in England, +and I don't think they'd agree with Master Thurstan if we had, I +will come and make the pudding; but I shall try and do it well, +not only for him to like it, but because everything may be done +in a right way or a wrong; the right way is to do it as well as +we can, as in God's sight; the wrong is to do it in a +self-seeking spirit, which either leads us to neglect it to +follow out some device of our own for our own ends, or to give up +too much time and thought to it both before and after the doing.' +Well! I thought of old missus's words this morning, when I saw +you making the beds. You sighed so, you could not half shake the +pillows; your heart was not in your work; and yet it was the duty +God had set you, I reckon; I know it's not the work parsons +preach about; though I don't think they go so far off the mark +when they read, 'whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, that do with +all thy might.' Just try for a day to think of all the odd jobs +as to be done well and truly as in God's sight, not just slurred +over anyhow, and you'll go through them twice as cheerfully, and +have no thought to spare for sighing or crying." + +Sally bustled off to set on the kettle for tea, and felt half +ashamed, in the quiet of the kitchen, to think of the oration she +had made in the parlour. But she saw with much satisfaction, that +henceforward Ruth nursed her boy with a vigour and cheerfulness +that were reflected back from him; and the household work was no +longer performed with a languid indifference, as if life and duty +were distasteful. Miss Benson had her share in this improvement, +though Sally placidly took all the credit to herself. One day as +she and Ruth sat together, Miss Benson spoke of the child, and +thence went on to talk about her own childhood. By degrees they +spoke of education, and the book-learning that forms one part of +it; and the result was that Ruth determined to get up early all +through the bright summer mornings, to acquire the knowledge +hereafter to be given to her child. Her mind was uncultivated, +her reading scant; beyond the mere mechanical arts of education +she knew nothing; but she had a refined taste, and excellent +sense and judgment to separate the true from the false. With +these qualities, she set to work under Mr. Benson's directions. +She read in the early morning the books that he marked out; she +trained herself with strict perseverance to do all thoroughly; +she did not attempt to acquire any foreign language, although her +ambition was to learn Latin, in order to teach it to her boy. +Those summer mornings were happy, for she was learning neither to +look backwards nor forwards, but to live faithfully and earnestly +in the present. She rose while the hedge-sparrow was yet singing +his reveil to his mate; she dressed and opened her window, +shading the soft-blowing air and the sunny eastern light from her +baby. If she grew tired, she went and looked at him, and all her +thoughts were holy prayers for him. Then she would gaze awhile +out of the high upper window on to the moorlands, that swelled in +waves one behind the other, in the grey, cool morning light. +These were her occasional relaxations, and after them she +returned with strength to her work. + + +CHAPTER XVII + + +LEONARD'S CHRISTENING + +In that body of Dissenters to which Mr. Benson belonged, it is +not considered necessary to baptize infants as early as the +ceremony can be performed; and many circumstances concurred to +cause the solemn thanksgiving and dedication of the child (for so +these Dissenters looked upon christenings) to be deferred until +it was probably somewhere about six months old. There had been +many conversations in the little sitting-room between the brother +and sister and their protegee, which had consisted of questions +betraying a thoughtful wondering kind of ignorance on the part of +Ruth, and answers more suggestive than explanatory from Mr. +Benson; while Miss Benson kept up a kind of running commentary, +always simple and often quaint, but with that intuition into the +very heart of all things truly religious which is often the gift +of those who seem, at first sight, to be only affectionate and +sensible. When Mr. Benson had explained his own views of what a +christening ought to be considered, and, by calling out Ruth's +latent feelings into pious earnestness, brought her into a right +frame of mind, he felt that he had done what he could to make the +ceremony more than a mere form, and to invest it, quiet, humble, +and obscure as it must necessarily be in outward shape--mournful +and anxious as many of its antecedents had rendered it--with the +severe grandeur of an act done in faith and truth. It was not far +to carry the little one, for, as I said, the chapel almost +adjoined the minister's house. The whole procession was to have +consisted of Mr. and Miss Benson, Ruth carrying her babe, and +Sally, who felt herself, as a Church-of-England woman, to be +condescending and kind in requesting leave to attend a baptism +among "them Dissenters" but unless she had asked permission, she +would not have been desired to attend, so careful was the habit +of her master and mistress that she should be allowed that +freedom which they claimed for themselves. But they were glad she +wished to go; they liked the feeling that all were of one +household, and that the interests of one were the interests of +all. It produced a consequence, however, which they did not +anticipate. Sally was full of the event which her presence was to +sanction, and, as it were, to redeem from the character of being +utterly schismatic; she spoke about it with an air of patronage +to three or four, and among them to some of the servants at Mr. +Bradshaw's. + +Miss Benson was rather surprised to receive a call from Jemima +Bradshaw, on the very morning of the day on which little Leonard +was to be baptized; Miss Bradshaw was rosy and breathless with +eagerness. Although the second in the family, she had been at +school when her younger sisters had been christened, and she was +now come, in the full warmth of a girl's fancy, to ask if she +might be present at the afternoon's service. She had been struck +with Mrs. Denbigh's grace and beauty at the very first sight, +when she had accompanied her mother to call upon the Bensons on +their return from Wales; and had kept up an enthusiastic interest +in the widow only a little older than herself, whose very reserve +and retirement but added to her unconscious power of enchantment. + +"Oh, Miss Benson! I never saw a christening; papa says I may go, +if you think Mr. Benson and Mrs. Denbigh would not dislike it; +and I will be quite quiet, and sit up behind the door, or +anywhere; and that sweet little baby! I should so like to see him +christened; is he to be called Leonard, did you say? After Mr. +Denbigh, is it?" + +"No--not exactly," said Miss Benson, rather discomfited. + +"Was not Mr. Denbigh's name Leonard, then? Mamma thought it would +be sure to be called after him, and so did I. But I may come to +the christening, may I not, dear Miss Benson?" + +Miss Benson gave her consent with a little inward reluctance. +Both her brother and Ruth shared in this feeling, although no one +expressed it; and it was presently forgotten. + +Jemima stood grave and quiet in the old-fashioned vestry +adjoining the chapel, as they entered with steps subdued to +slowness. She thought Ruth looked so pale and awed because she +was left a solitary parent; but Ruth came to the presence of God, +as one who had gone astray, and doubted her own worthiness to be +called His child; she came as a mother who had incurred a heavy +responsibility, and who entreated His almighty aid to enable her +to discharge it; full of passionate, yearning love which craved +for more faith in God, to still her distrust and fear of the +future that might hang over her darling. When she thought of her +boy, she sickened and trembled: but when she heard of God's +loving-kindness, far beyond all tender mother's love, she was +hushed into peace and prayer. There she stood, her fair pale +cheek resting on her baby's head, as he slumbered on her bosom; +her eyes went slanting down under their half-closed white lids; +but their gaze was not on the primitive cottage-like room, it was +earnestly fixed on a dim mist, through which she fain would have +seen the life that lay before her child; but the mist was still +and dense, too thick a veil for anxious human love to penetrate. +The future was hid with God. + +Mr. Benson stood right under the casement window that was placed +high up in the room; he was almost in shade, except for one or +two marked lights which fell on hair already silvery white; his +voice was always low and musical when he spoke to few; it was too +weak to speak so as to be heard by many without becoming harsh +and strange; but now it filled the little room with a loving +sound, like the stock-dove's brooding murmur over her young. He +and Ruth forgot all in their earnestness of thought; and when he +said "Let us pray," and the little congregation knelt down you +might have heard the baby's faint breathing, scarcely sighing out +upon the stillness, so absorbed were all in the solemnity. But +the prayer was long; thought followed thought, and fear crowded +upon fear, and all were to be laid bare before God, and His aid +and counsel asked. Before the end, Sally had shuffled quietly out +of the vestry into the green chapel-yard, upon which the door +opened. Miss Benson was alive to this movement, and so full of +curiosity as to what it might mean that she could no longer +attend to her brother, and felt inclined to rush off and question +Sally, the moment all was ended. Miss Bradshaw hung about the +babe and Ruth, and begged to be allowed to carry the child home, +but Ruth pressed him to her, as if there was no safe harbour for +him but in his mother's breast. Mr. Benson saw her feeling, and +caught Miss Bradshaw's look of disappointment. + +"Come home with us," said he, "and stay to tea. You have never +drunk tea with us since you went to school." + +"I wish I might," said Miss Bradshaw, colouring with pleasure. +"But I must ask papa. May I run home and ask?" + +"To be sure, my dear!" + +Jemima flew off; and fortunately her father was at home; for her +mother's permission would have been deemed insufficient. She +received many directions about her behaviour. + +"Take no sugar in your tea, Jemima. I am sure the Bensons ought +not to be able to afford sugar, with their means. And do not eat +much; you can have plenty at home on your return; remember Mrs. +Denbigh's keep must cost them a great deal." So Jemima returned +considerably sobered, and very much afraid of her hunger leading +her to forget Mr. Benson's poverty. Meanwhile Miss Benson and +Sally, acquainted with Mr. Benson's invitation to Jemima, set +about making some capital tea-cakes on which they piqued +themselves. They both enjoyed the offices of hospitality; and +were glad to place some home-made tempting dainty before their +guests. + +"What made ye leave the chapel-vestry before my brother had +ended?" inquired Miss Benson. + +"Indeed, ma'am, I thought master had prayed so long he'd be +drouthy. So I just slipped out to put on the kettle for tea." + +Miss Benson was on the point of reprimanding her for thinking of +anything besides the object of the prayer, when she remembered +how she herself had been unable to attend after Sally's departure +for wondering what had become of her; so she was silent. + +It was a disappointment to Miss Benson's kind and hospitable +expectation when Jemima, as hungry as a hound, confined herself +to one piece of the cake which her hostess had had such pleasure +in making. And Jemima wished she had not a prophetic feeling all +tea-time of the manner in which her father would inquire into the +particulars of the meal, elevating his eyebrows at every viand +named beyond plain bread-and-butter, and winding up with some +such sentence as this: + +"Well, I marvel how, with Benson's salary, he can afford to keep +such a table." + +Sally could have told of self-denial when no one was by, when the +left hand did not know what the right hand did, on the part of +both her master and mistress, practised without thinking even to +themselves that it was either a sacrifice or a virtue, in order +to enable them to help those who were in need, or even to gratify +Miss Benson's kind, old-fashioned feelings on such occasions as +the present, when a stranger came to the house. Her homely, +affectionate pleasure in making others comfortable, might have +shown that such little occasional extravagances were not waste, +but a good work; and were not to be gauged by the standard of +money-spending. This evening her spirits were damped by Jemima's +refusal to eat! Poor Jemima! the cakes were so good, and she was +so hungry; but still she refused. + +While Sally was clearing away the tea-things, Miss Benson and +Jemima accompanied Ruth upstairs, when she went to put little +Leonard to bed. + +"A christening is a very solemn service," said Miss Bradshaw; "I +had no idea it was so solemn. Mr. Benson seemed to speak as if he +had a weight of care on his heart that God alone could relieve or +lighten." + +"My brother feels these things very much," said Miss Benson, +rather wishing to cut short the conversation, for she had been +aware of several parts in the prayer which she knew were +suggested by the peculiarity and sadness of the case before him. + +"I could not quite follow him all through," continued Jemima. +"What did he mean by saying, 'This child, rebuked by the world +and bidden to stand apart, Thou wilt not rebuke, but wilt suffer +it to come to Thee and be blessed with Thine almighty blessing'? +Why is this little darling to be rebuked? I do not think I +remember the exact words, but he said something like that." + +"My dear! your gown is dripping wet! it must have dipped into the +tub; let me wring it out." + +"Oh, thank you! Never mind my gown!" said Jemima hastily, and +wanting to return to her question; but just then she caught the +sight of tears falling fast down the cheeks of the silent Ruth as +she bent over her child, crowing and splashing away in his tub. +With a sudden consciousness that unwittingly she had touched on +some painful chord, Jemima rushed into another subject, and was +eagerly seconded by Miss Benson. The circumstance seemed to die +away, and leave no trace; but in after years it rose, vivid and +significant, before Jemima's memory. At present it was enough for +her, if Mrs. Denbigh would let her serve her in every possible +way. Her admiration for beauty was keen, and little indulged at +home; and Ruth was very beautiful in her quiet mournfulness; her +mean and homely dress left herself only the more open to +admiration, for she gave it a charm by her unconscious wearing of +it that made it seem like the drapery of an old Greek +statue--subordinate to the figure it covered, yet imbued by it +with an unspeakable grace. Then the pretended circumstances of +her life were such as to catch the imagination of a young +romantic girl. Altogether, Jemima could have kissed her hand and +professed herself Ruth's slave. She moved away all the articles +used at this little coucher; she folded up Leonard's day-clothes; +she felt only too much honoured when Ruth trusted him to her for +a few minutes--only too amply rewarded when Ruth thanked her with +a grave, sweet smile, and a grateful look of her loving eyes. + +When Jemima had gone away with the servant who was sent to fetch +her, there was a little chorus of praise. + +"She's a warm-hearted girl," said Miss Benson. "She remembers all +the old days before she went to school. She is worth two of Mr. +Richard. They're each of them just the same as they were when +they were children, when they broke that window in the chapel, +and he ran away home, and she came knocking at our door with a +single knock, just like a beggar's, and I went to see who it was, +and was quite startled to see her round, brown honest face +looking up at me, hall-frightened, and telling me what she had +done, and offering me the money in her savings bank to pay for +it. We never should have heard of Master Richard's share in the +business if it had not been for Sally." + +"But remember," said Mr. Benson, "how strict Mr. Bradshaw has +always been with his children. It is no wonder if poor Richard +was a coward in those days." + +"He is now, or I'm much mistaken," answered Miss Benson. "And Mr. +Bradshaw was just as strict with Jemima, and she's no coward. +But I've no faith in Richard. He has a look about him that I +don't like. And when Mr. Bradshaw was away on business in Holland +last year, for those months my young gentleman did not come hall +as regularly to chapel, and I always believe that story of his +being seen out with the hounds at Smithiles." + +"Those are neither of them great offences in a young man of +twenty," said Mr. Benson, smiling. + +"No! I don't mind them in themselves; but when he could change +back so easily to being regular and mim when his father came +home, I don't like that." + +"Leonard shall never be afraid of me," said Ruth, following her +own train of thought. "I will be his friend from the very first; +and I will try and learn how to be a wise friend, and you will +teach me; won't you, sir?" + +"What made you wish to call him Leonard, Ruth?" asked Miss +Benson. + +"It was my mother's father's name; and she used to tell me about +him and his goodness, and I thought if Leonard could be like +him----" + +"Do you remember the discussion there was about Miss Bradshaw's +name, Thurstan? Her father wanting her to be called Hephzibah, +but insisting that she was to have a Scripture name at any rate; +and Mrs. Bradshaw wanting her to be Juliana, after some novel she +had read not long before; and at last Jemima was fixed upon, +because it would do either for a Scripture name or a name for a +heroine out of a book." + +"I did not know Jemima was a Scripture name," said Ruth. + +"Oh yes, it is. One of Job's daughters; Jemima, Kezia, and +Keren-Happuch. There are a good many Jemimas in the world, and +some Kezias, but I never heard of a Keren-Happuch; and yet we +know just as much of one as of another. People really like a +pretty name, whether in Scripture or out of it." + +"When there is no particular association with the name," said Mr. +Benson. + +"Now, I was called Faith after the cardinal virtue; and I like my +name, though many people would think it too Puritan; that was +according to our gentle mother's pious desire. And Thurstan was +called by his name because my father wished it; for, although he +was what people called a radical and a democrat in his ways of +talking and thinking, he was very proud in his heart of being +descended from some old Sir Thurstan, who figured away in the +French wars." + +"The difference between theory and practice, thinking and being," +put in Mr. Benson, who was in a mood for allowing himself a +little social enjoyment. He leaned back in his chair, with his +eyes looking at, but not seeing, the ceiling. Miss Benson was +clicking away with her eternal knitting-needles, looking at her +brother, and seeing him too. Ruth was arranging her child's +clothes against the morrow. It was but their usual way of +spending an evening; the variety was given by the different tone +which the conversation assumed on the different nights. Yet, +somehow, the peacefulness of the time, the window open into the +little garden, the scents that came stealing in, and the clear +summer heaven above, made the time be remembered as a happy +festival by Ruth. Even Sally seemed more placid than usual when +she came in to prayers; and she and Miss Benson followed Ruth to +her bedroom, to look at the beautiful sleeping Leonard. + +"God bless him!" said Miss Benson, stooping down to kiss his +little dimpled hand, which lay outside the coverlet, tossed +abroad in the heat of the evening. + +"Now, don't get up too early, Ruth! Injuring your health will be +short-sighted wisdom and poor economy. Good night!" + +"Good night, dear Miss Benson. Good night, Sally." When Ruth had +shut her door, she went again to the bed, and looked at her boy +till her eyes filled with tears. + +"God bless thee, darling! I only ask to be one of His +instruments, and not thrown aside as useless--or worse than +useless." + +So ended the day of Leonard's christening. + +Mr. Benson had sometimes taught the children of different people +as an especial favour, when requested by them. But then his +pupils were only children, and by their progress he was little +prepared for Ruth's. She had had early teaching, of that kind +which need never be unlearnt, from her mother; enough to unfold +many of her powers; they had remained inactive now for several +years, but had grown strong in the dark and quiet time. Her tutor +was surprised at the bounds by which she surmounted obstacles, +the quick perception and ready adaptation of truths and first +principles, and her immediate sense of the fitness of things. Her +delight in what was strong and beautiful called out her master's +sympathy; but, most of all, he admired the complete +unconsciousness of uncommon power, or unusual progress. It was +less of a wonder than he considered it to be, it is true, for she +never thought of comparing what she was now with her former self, +much less with another. Indeed, she did not think of herself at +all, but of her boy, and what she must learn in order to teach +him to be and to do as suited her hope and her prayer. If any +one's devotion could have flattered her into self-consciousness, +it was Jemima's. Mr. Bradshaw never dreamed that his daughter +could feel herself inferior to the minister's protegee, but so it +was; and no knight-errant of old could consider himself more +honoured by his ladye's commands than did Jemima, if Ruth allowed +her to do anything for her, or for her boy. Ruth loved her +heartily, even while she was rather annoyed at the open +expression Jemima used of admiration. + +"Please, I really would rather not be told if people do think me +pretty." + +"But it was not merely beautiful; it was sweet-looking and good, +Mrs. Postlethwaite called you," replied Jemima. + +"All the more I would rather not hear it. I may be pretty, but I +know I am not good. Besides, I don't think we ought to hear what +is said of us behind our backs." + +Ruth spoke so gravely, that Jemima feared lest she was +displeased. + +"Dear Mrs. Denbigh, I never will admire or praise you again. Only +let me love you." + +"And let me love you!" said Ruth, with a tender kiss. + +Jemima would not have been allowed to come so frequently if Mr. +Bradshaw had not been possessed with the idea of patronising +Ruth. If the latter had chosen, she might have gone dressed from +head to foot in the presents which he wished to make her, but she +refused them constantly; occasionally to Miss Benson's great +annoyance. But if he could not load her with gifts, he could show +his approbation by asking her to his house; and after some +deliberation, she consented to accompany Mr. and Miss Benson +there. The house was square and massy-looking, with a great deal +of drab-colour about the furniture. Mrs. Bradshaw, in her +lackadaisical, sweet-tempered way, seconded her husband in his +desire of being kind to Ruth; and as she cherished privately a +great taste for what was beautiful or interesting, as opposed to +her husband's love of the purely useful, this taste of hers had +rarely had so healthy and true a mode of gratification as when +she watched Ruth's movements about the room, which seemed in its +unobtrusiveness and poverty of colour to receive the requisite +ornament of light and splendour from Ruth's presence. Mrs. +Bradshaw sighed, and wished she had a daughter as lovely, about +whom to weave a romance; for castle-building, after the manner of +the Minerva Press, was the outlet by which she escaped from the +pressure of her prosaic life, as Mr. Bradshaw's wife. Her +perception was only of external beauty, and she was not always +alive to that, or she might have seen how a warm, affectionate, +ardent nature, free from all envy or carking care of self, gave +an unspeakable charm to her plain, bright-faced daughter Jemima, +whose dark eyes kept challenging admiration for her friend. The +first evening spent at Mr. Bradshaw's passed like many succeeding +visits there. There was tea, the equipage for which was as +handsome and as ugly as money could purchase. Then the ladies +produced their sewing, while Mr. Bradshaw stood before the fire, +and gave the assembled party the benefit of his opinions on many +subjects. The opinions were as good and excellent as the opinions +of any man can be who sees one side of a case very strongly, and +almost ignores the other. They coincided in many points with +those held by Mr. Benson, but he once or twice interposed with a +plea for those who might differ; and then he was heard by Mr. +Bradshaw with a kind of evident and indulgent pity, such as one +feels for a child who unwittingly talks nonsense. By-and-by Mrs. +Bradshaw and Miss Benson fell into one tete-a-tete, and Ruth and +Jemima into another. Two well-behaved but unnaturally quiet +children were sent to bed early in the evening, in an +authoritative voice, by their father, because one of them had +spoken too loud while he was enlarging on an alteration in the +tariff. Just before the supper-tray was brought in, a gentleman +was announced whom Ruth had never previously seen, but who +appeared well known to the rest of the party. It was Mr. +Farquhar, Mr. Bradshaw's partner; he had been on the Continent +for the last year, and had only recently returned. He seemed +perfectly at home, but spoke little. He leaned back in his chair, +screwed up his eyes, and watched everybody; yet there was nothing +unpleasant or impertinent in his keenness of observation. Ruth +wondered to hear him contradict Mr. Bradshaw, and almost expected +some rebuff; but Mr. Bradshaw, if he did not yield the point, +admitted, for the first time that evening, that it was possible +something might be said on the other side. Mr. Farquhar differed +also from Mr. Benson, but it was in a more respectful manner than +Mr. Bradshaw had done. For these reasons, although Mr. Farquhar +had never spoken to Ruth, she came away with the impression that +he was a man to be respected and perhaps liked. + +Sally would have thought herself mightily aggrieved if, on their +return, she had not heard some account of the evening. As soon as +Miss Benson came in, the old servant began-- + +"Well, and who was there? and what did they give you for supper?" + +"Only Mr. Farquhar besides ourselves; and sandwiches, +sponge-cake, and wine; there was no occasion for anything more," +replied Miss Benson, who was tired and preparing to go upstairs. + +"Mr. Farquhar! Why, they do say he's thinking of Miss Jemima!" + +"Nonsense, Sally! why, he's old enough to be her father!" said +Miss Benson, halfway up the first flight. + +"There's no need for it to be called nonsense, though he may be +ten year older," muttered Sally, retreating towards the kitchen. +"Bradshaw's Betsy knows what she's about, and wouldn't have said +it for nothing." + +Ruth wondered a little about it. She loved Jemima well enough to +be interested in what related to her; but, after thinking for a +few minutes, she decided that such a marriage was, and would ever +be, very unlikely. + + +CHAPTER XVIII + + +RUTH BECOMES A GOVERNESS IN MR. BRADSHAW'S FAMILY + +One afternoon, not long after this, Mr. and Miss Benson set off +to call upon a farmer, who attended the chapel, but lived at some +distance from the town. They intended to stay to tea if they were +invited, and Ruth and Sally were left to spend a long afternoon +together. At first, Sally was busy in her kitchen, and Ruth +employed herself in carrying her baby out into the garden. It was +now nearly a year since she came to the Bensons'; it seemed like +yesterday, and yet as if a lifetime had gone between. The flowers +were budding now, that were all in bloom when she came down, on +the first autumnal morning, into the sunny parlour. The yellow +jessamine that was then a tender plant, had now taken firm root +in the soil, and was sending out strong shoots; the wall-flowers, +which Miss Benson had sown on the wall a day or two after her +arrival, were scenting the air with their fragrant flowers. Ruth +knew every plant now; it seemed as though she had always lived +here, and always known the inhabitants of the house. She heard +Sally singing her accustomed song in the kitchen, a song she +never varied, over her afternoon's work. It began-- + +"As I was going to Derby, sir, Upon a market-day." + +And, if music is a necessary element in a song, perhaps I had +better call it by some other name. + +But the strange change was in Ruth herself. She was conscious of +it, though she could not define it, and did not dwell upon it. +Life had become significant and full of duty to her. She +delighted in the exercise of her intellectual powers, and liked +the idea of the infinite amount of which she was ignorant; for it +was a grand pleasure to learn,--to crave, and be satisfied. She +strove to forget what had gone before this last twelve months. +She shuddered up from contemplating it; it was like a bad, unholy +dream. And yet, there was a strange yearning kind of love for the +father of the child whom she pressed to her heart, which came, +and she could not bid it begone as sinful, it was so pure and +natural, even when thinking of it as in the sight of God. Little +Leonard cooed to the flowers, and stretched after their bright +colours; and Ruth laid him on the dry turf, and pelted him with +the gay petals. He chinked and crowed with laughing delight, and +clutched at her cap, and pulled it off. Her short rich curls were +golden-brown in the slanting sun-light, and by their very +shortness made her more childlike. She hardly seemed as if she +could be the mother of the noble babe over whom she knelt, now +snatching kisses, now matching his cheek with rose-leaves. All at +once, the bells of the old church struck the hour, and far away, +high up in the air, began slowly to play the old tune of "Life, +let us cherish;" they had played it for years--for the life of +man--and it always sounded fresh, and strange, and aerial. Ruth +was still in a moment, she knew not why; and the tears came into +her eyes as she listened. When it was ended, she kissed her baby, +and bade God bless him. + +Just then Sally came out, dressed for the evening, with a +leisurely look about her. She had done her work, and she and Ruth +were to drink tea together in the exquisitely clean kitchen; but +while the kettle was boiling, she came out to enjoy the flowers. +She gathered a piece of southern-wood, and stuffed it up her +nose, by way of smelling it. + +"Whatten you call this in your country?" asked she. + +"Old-man," replied Ruth. + +"We call it here lad's-love. It and peppermint drops always +reminds me of going to church in the country. Here! I'll get you +a black-currant leaf to put in the teapot. It gives it a flavour. +We had bees once against this wall; but when missus died, we +forgot to tell 'em and put 'em in mourning, and, in course, they +swarmed away without our knowing, and the next winter came a hard +frost, and they died. Now, I dare say, the water will be boiling; +and it's time for little master there to come in, for the dew is +falling. See, all the daisies is shutting themselves up." + +Sally was most gracious as a hostess. She quite put on her +company manners to receive Ruth in the kitchen. They laid Leonard +to sleep on the sofa in the parlour, that they might hear him the +more easily, and then they sat quietly down to their sewing by +the bright kitchen fire. Sally was, as usual, the talker; and, as +usual, the subject was the family of whom for so many years she +had formed a part. + +"Ay! things was different when I was a girl," quoth she. "Eggs +was thirty for a shilling, and butter only sixpence a pound. My +wage when I came here was but three pound, and I did on it, and +was always clean and tidy, which is more than many a lass can say +now who gets seven and eight pound a year; and tea was kept for +an afternoon drink, and pudding was eaten afore meat in them +days, and the upshot was, people paid their debts better; ay, ay! +we'n gone backwards, and we thinken we'n gone forrards." + +After shaking her head a little over the degeneracy of the times, +Sally returned to a part of the subject on which she thought she +had given Ruth a wrong idea. "You'll not go for to think now that +I've not more than three pound a year. I've a deal above that +now. First of all, old missus gave me four pound, for she said I +were worth it, and I thought in my heart that I were; so I took +it without more ado; but after her death, Master Thurstan and +Miss Faith took a fit of spending, and says they to me, one day +as I carried tea in, 'Sally, we think your wages ought to be +raised.' 'What matter what you think!' said I, pretty sharp, for +I thought they'd ha' shown more respect to missus, if they'd let +things stand as they were in her time; and they'd gone and moved +the sofa away from the wall to where it stands now, already that +very day. So I speaks up sharp, and says I, 'As long as I'm +content, I think it's no business of yours to be meddling wi' me +and my money matters.' 'But,' says Miss Faith (she's always the +one to speak first if you'll notice, though it's master that +comes in and clinches the matter with some reason she'd never ha' +thought of--he were always a sensible lad), 'Sally, all the +servants in the town have six pound and better, and you have as +hard a place as any of 'em.' 'Did you ever hear me grumble about +my work that you talk about it in that way? wait till I grumble,' +says I, 'but don't meddle wi' me till then.' So I flung off in a +huff; but in the course of the evening, Master Thurstan came in +and sat down in the kitchen, and he's such winning ways he wiles +one over to anything; and besides, a notion had come into my +head--now you'll not tell," said she, glancing round the room, +and hitching her chair nearer to Ruth in a confidential manner; +Ruth promised, and Sally went on-- + +"I thought I should like to be an heiress wi' money, and leave it +all to Master and Miss Faith; and I thought if I'd six pound a +year, I could, may be, get to be an heiress; all I was feared on +was that some chap or other might marry me for my money, but I've +managed to keep the fellows off; so I looks mim and grateful, and +I thanks Master Thurstan for his offer, and I takes the wages; +and what do you think I've done?" asked Sally, with an exultant +air. + +"What have you done?" asked Ruth. + +"Why," replied Sally, slowly and emphatically, "I've saved thirty +pound! but that's not it. I've getten a lawyer to make me a will; +that's it, wench!" said she, slapping Ruth on the back. + +"How did you manage it?" asked Ruth. + +"Ay, that was it," said Sally; "I thowt about it many a night +before I hit on the right way. I was afeared the money might be +thrown into Chancery if I didn't make it all safe, and yet I +could na' ask Master Thurstan. At last, and at length, John +Jackson, the grocer, had a nephew come to stay a week with him, +as was 'prentice to a lawyer in Liverpool; so now was my time, +and here was my lawyer. Wait a minute! I could tell you my story +better if I had my will in my hand; and I'll scomfish you if ever +you go for to tell." She held up her hand, and threatened Ruth as +she left the kitchen to fetch the will. + +When she came back, she brought a parcel tied up, in a blue +pocket-handkerchief; she sat down, squared her knees, untied the +handkerchief, and displayed a small piece of parchment. + +"Now, do you know what this is?" said she, holding it up. "It's +parchment, and it's the right stuff to make wills on. People gets +into Chancery if they don't make them o' this stuff, and I reckon +Tom Jackson thowt he'd have a fresh job on it if he could get it +into Chancery; for the rascal went and wrote it on a piece of +paper at first, and came and read it me out aloud off a piece of +paper no better than what one writes letters upon. I were up to +him; and, thinks I, Come, come, my lad, I'm not a fool, though +you may think so; I know a paper will won't stand, but I'll let +you run your rig. So I sits and I listens. And would you believe +me, he read it out as if it were as clear a business as your +giving me that thimble--no more ado, though it were thirty pound +I could understand it mysel'--that were no law for me. I wanted +summat to consider about, and for th' meaning to be wrapped up as +I wrap up my best gown. So, says I, 'Tom! it's not on parchment. +I mun have it on parchment.' 'This 'll do as well,' says he. +'We'll get it witnessed, and it will stand good.' Well! I liked +the notion of having it witnessed, and for a while that soothed +me; but after a bit, I felt I should like it done according to +law, and not plain out as anybody might ha' done it; I mysel', if +I could have written. So says I, 'Tom! I mun have it on +parchment.' 'Parchment costs money,' says he, very grave. 'Oh, +oh, my lad! are ye there?' thinks I. 'That's the reason I'm +clipped of law. So says I, 'Tom! I mun have it on parchment. I'll +pay the money and welcome. It's thirty pound, and what I can lay +to it. I'll make it safe. It shall be on parchment, and I'll tell +thee what, lad! I'll gie ye sixpence for every good law-word you +put in it, sounding like, and not to be caught up as a person +runs. Your master had need to be ashamed of you as a 'prentice, +if you can't do a thing more tradesman-like than this!' Well! he +laughed above a bit, but I were firm, and stood to it. So he made +it out on parchment. Now, woman, try and read it!" said she, +giving it to Ruth. + +Ruth smiled, and began to read; Sally listening with rapt +attention. When Ruth came to the word "testatrix," Sally stopped +her. + +"That was the first sixpence," said she. "I thowt he was going to +fob me off again wi' plain language; but when that word came, I +out wi' my sixpence, and gave it to him on the spot. Now, go on." + +Presently Ruth read "accruing." + +"That was the second sixpence. Four sixpences it were in all, +besides six-and-eightpence as we bargained at first, and +three-and-fourpence parchment. There! that's what I call a will; +witnessed, according to law, and all. Master Thurstan will be +prettily taken in when I die, and he finds all his extra wage +left back to him. But it will teach him it's not so easy as he +thinks for, to make a woman give up her way." + +The time was now drawing near when little Leonard might be +weaned--the time appointed by all three for Ruth to endeavour to +support herself in some way more or less independent of Mr. and +Miss Benson. This prospect dwelt much in all of their minds, and +was in each shaded with some degree of perplexity; but they none +of them spoke of it, for fear of accelerating the event. If they +had felt clear and determined as to the best course to be +pursued, they were none of them deficient in courage to commence +upon that course at once. Miss Benson would, perhaps, have +objected the most to any alteration in their present daily mode +of life; but that was because she had the habit of speaking out +her thoughts as they arose, and she particularly disliked and +dreaded change. Besides this, she had felt her heart open out, +and warm towards the little helpless child, in a strong and +powerful manner. Nature had intended her warm instincts to find +vent in a mother's duties; her heart had yearned after children, +and made her restless in her childless state, without her well +knowing why; but now, the delight she experienced in tending, +nursing, and contriving for the little boy,--even contriving to +the point of sacrificing many of her cherished whims,--made her +happy, and satisfied, and peaceful. It was more difficult to +sacrifice her whims than her comforts; but all had been given up +when and where required by the sweet lordly baby, who reigned +paramount in his very helplessness. + +From some cause or other, an exchange of ministers for one Sunday +was to be effected with a neighbouring congregation, and Mr. +Benson went on a short absence from home. When he returned on +Monday, he was met at the house-door by his sister, who had +evidently been looking out for him for some time. She stepped out +to greet him. + +"Don't hurry yourself, Thurstan! all's well; only I wanted to +tell you something. Don't fidget yourself--baby is quite well, +bless him! It's only good news. Come into your room, and let me +talk a little quietly with you." She drew him into his study, +which was near the outer door, and then she took off his coat, +and put his carpet-bag in a corner, and wheeled a chair to the +fire, before she would begin. + +"Well, now! to think how often things fall out just as we want +them, Thurstan! Have not you often wondered what was to be done +with Ruth when the time came at which we promised her she should +earn her living? I am sure you have, because I have so often +thought about it myself. And yet I never dared to speak out my +fear because that seemed giving it a shape. And now Mr. Bradshaw +has put all to rights. He invited Mr. Jackson to dinner +yesterday, just as we were going into chapel; and then he turned +to me and asked me if I would come to tea--straight from +afternoon chapel, because Mrs. Bradshaw wanted to speak to me. He +made it very clear I was not to bring Ruth; and, indeed, she was +only too happy to stay at home with baby. And so I went; and Mrs. +Bradshaw took me into her bedroom, and shut the doors, and said +Mr. Bradshaw had told her, that he did not like Jemima being so +much confined with the younger ones while they were at their +lessons, and that he wanted some one above a nurse-maid to sit +with them while their masters were there--some one who would see +about their learning their lessons, and who would walk out with +them; a sort of nursery governess, I think she meant, though she +did not say so; and Mr. Bradshaw (for, of course, I saw his +thoughts and words constantly peeping out, though he had told her +to speak to me) believed that our Ruth would be the very person. +Now, Thurstan, don't look so surprised, as if she had never come +into your head! I am sure I saw what Mrs. Bradshaw was driving +at, long before she came to the point; and I could scarcely keep +from smiling, and saying, 'We'd jump at the proposal'--long +before I ought to have known anything about it." + +"Oh, I wonder what we ought to do!" said Mr. Benson. "Or, rather, +I believe I see what we ought to do, if I durst but do it." + +"Why, what ought we to do?" asked his sister, in surprise. + +"I ought to go and tell Mr. Bradshaw the whole story----" + +"And get Ruth turned out of our house," said Miss Benson +indignantly. + +"They can't make us do that," said her brother. "I do not think +they would try." + +"Yes, Mr. Bradshaw would try; and he would blazon out poor Ruth's +sin, and there would not be a chance for her left. I know him +well, Thurstan; and why should he be told now, more than a year +ago?" + +"A year ago he did not want to put her in a situation of trust +about his children." + +"And you think she'll abuse that trust, do you? You've lived a +twelvemonth in the house with Ruth, and the end of it is, you +think she will do his children harm! Besides, who encouraged +Jemima to come to the house so much to see Ruth? Did you not say +it would do them both good to see something of each other?" Mr. +Benson sat thinking. + +"If you had not known Ruth as well as you do--if, during her stay +with us, you had marked anything wrong, or forward, or deceitful, +or immodest, I would say at once, 'Don't allow Mr. Bradshaw to +take her into his house'; but still I would say, 'Don't tell of her +sin and sorrow to so severe a man--so unpitiful a judge.' But here +I ask you, Thurstan, can you or I, or Sally (quick-eyed as she +is), say, that in any one thing we have had true, just occasion +to find fault with Ruth? I don't mean that she is perfect--she +acts without thinking, her temper is sometimes warm and hasty; +but have we any right to go and injure her prospects for life, by +telling Mr. Bradshaw all we know of her errors--only sixteen when +she did so wrong, and never to escape from it all her many years +to come--to have the despair which would arise from its being +known, clutching her back into worse sin? What harm do you think +she can do? What is the risk to which you think you are exposing +Mr. Bradshaw's children?" She paused, out of breath, her eyes +glittering with tears of indignation, and impatient for an answer +that she might knock it to pieces. + +"I do not see any danger that can arise," said he at length, and +with slow difficulty, as if not fully convinced. "I have watched +Ruth, and I believe she is pure and truthful; and the very sorrow +and penitence she has felt--the very suffering she has gone +through--has given her a thoughtful conscientiousness beyond her +age." + +"That and the care of her baby," said Miss Benson, secretly +delighted at the tone of her brother's thoughts. + +"Ah, Faith! that baby you so much dreaded once, is turning out a +blessing, you see," said Thurstan, with a faint, quiet smile. + +"Yes! any one might be thankful, and better too, for Leonard; but +how could I tell that it would be like him?" + +"But to return to Ruth and Mr. Bradshaw. What did you say?" + +"Oh! with my feelings, of course, I was only too glad to accept +the proposal, and so I told Mrs. Bradshaw, then; and I afterwards +repeated it to Mr. Bradshaw, when he asked me if his wife had +mentioned their plans. They would understand that I must consult +you and Ruth, before it could be considered as finally settled." + +"And have you named it to her?" + +"Yes," answered Miss Benson, half afraid lest he should think she +had been too precipitate. + +"And what did she say?" asked he, after a little pause of grave +silence. + +"At first she seemed very glad, and fell into my mood of planning +how it should all be managed; how Sally and I should take care of +the baby the hours that she was away at Mr. Bradshaw's; but +by-and-by she became silent and thoughtful, and knelt down by me +and hid her face in my lap, and shook a little as if she was +crying; and then I heard her speak in a very low smothered voice, +for her head was still bent down--quite hanging down, indeed, so +that I could not see her face, so I stooped to listen, and I +heard her say, 'Do you think I should be good enough to teach +little girls, Miss Benson?' She said it so humbly and fearfully +that all I thought of was how to cheer her, and I answered and +asked her if she did not hope to be good enough to bring up her +own darling to be a brave Christian man? And she lifted up her +head, and I saw her eyes looking wild and wet and earnest, and +she said, 'With God's help, that will I try to make my child.' +And I said then, 'Ruth, as you strive and as you pray for your +own child, so you must strive and pray to make Mary and Elizabeth +good, if you are trusted with them.' And she said out quite +clear, though her face was hidden from me once more, 'I will +strive and I will pray.' You would not have had any fears, +Thurstan, if you could have heard and seen her last night." + +"I have no fear," said he decidedly. "Let the plan go on." After +a minute, he added, "But I am glad it was so far arranged before +I heard of it. My indecision about right and wrong--my perplexity +as to how far we are to calculate consequences--grows upon me, I +fear." + +"You look tired and weary, dear. You should blame your body +rather than your conscience at these times." + +"A very dangerous doctrine." + +The scroll of Fate was closed, and they could not foresee the +Future; and yet, if they could have seen it, though they might +have shrunk fearfully at first, they would have smiled and +thanked God when all was done and said. + + +CHAPTER XIX + + +AFTER FIVE YEARS + +The quiet days grew into weeks and months, and even years, +without any event to startle the little circle into the +consciousness of the lapse of time. One who had known them at the +date of Ruth's becoming a governess in Mr. Bradshaw's family, and +had been absent until the time of which I am now going to tell +you, would have noted some changes which had imperceptibly come +over all; but he, too, would have thought, that the life which +had brought so little of turmoil and vicissitude must have been +calm and tranquil, and in accordance with the bygone activity of +the town in which their existence passed away. + +The alterations that he would have perceived were those caused by +the natural progress of time. The Benson home was brightened into +vividness by the presence of the little Leonard, now a noble boy +of six, large and grand in limb and stature, and with a face of +marked beauty and intelligence. Indeed, he might have been +considered by many as too intelligent for his years; and often +the living with old and thoughtful people gave him, beyond most +children, the appearance of pondering over the mysteries which +meet the young on the threshold of life, but which fade away as +advancing years bring us more into contact with the practical and +tangible--fade away and vanish, until it seems to require the +agitation of some great storm of the soul before we can again +realise spiritual things. + +But, at times, Leonard seemed oppressed and bewildered, after +listening intent, with grave and wondering eyes, to the +conversation around him; at others, the bright animal life shone +forth radiant, and no three months' kitten--no foal, suddenly +tossing up its heels by the side of its sedate dam, and careering +around the pasture in pure mad enjoyment--no young creature of +any kind, could show more merriment and gladness of heart. + +"For ever in mischief," was Sally's account of him at such times; +but it was not intentional mischief; and Sally herself would have +been the first to scold any one else who had used the same words +in reference to her darling. Indeed, she was once nearly giving +warning, because she thought the boy was being ill-used. The +occasion was this: Leonard had for some time shown a strange, odd +disregard of truth; he invented stories, and told them with so +grave a face, that unless there was some internal evidence of +their incorrectness (such as describing a cow with a bonnet on) +he was generally believed, and his statements, which were given +with the full appearance of relating a real occurrence, had once +or twice led to awkward results. All the three, whose hearts were +pained by this apparent unconsciousness of the difference between +truth and falsehood, were unaccustomed to children, or they would +have recognised this as a stage through which most infants, who +would have lively imaginations, pass; and, accordingly, there was +a consultation in Mr. Benson's study one morning. Ruth was there, +quiet, very pale, and with compressed lips, sick at heart as she +heard Miss Benson's arguments for the necessity of whipping, in +order to cure Leonard of his story-telling. Mr. Benson looked +unhappy and uncomfortable. Education was but a series of +experiments to them all, and they all had a secret dread of +spoiling the noble boy, who was the darling of their hearts. And, +perhaps, this very intensity of love begot an impatient, +unnecessary anxiety, and made them resolve on sterner measures +than the parent of a large family (where love was more spread +abroad) would have dared to use. At any rate, the vote for +whipping carried the day; and even Ruth, trembling and cold, +agreed that it must be done; only she asked, in a meek, sad +voice, if she need be present (Mr. Benson was to be the +executioner--the scene, the study), and, being instantly told +that she had better not, she went slowly and languidly up to her +room, and kneeling down, she closed her ears, and prayed. + +Miss Benson, having carried her point, was very sorry for the +child, and would have begged him off; but Mr. Benson had listened +more to her arguments than now to her pleadings, and, only +answered, "If it is right, it shall be done!" He went into the +garden, and deliberately, almost as if he wished to gain time, +chose and cut off a little switch from the laburnum-tree. Then he +returned through the kitchen, and gravely taking the awed and +wondering little fellow by the hand, he led him silently into the +study, and placing him before him, began an admonition on the +importance of truthfulness, meaning to conclude with what he +believed to be the moral of all punishment: "As you cannot +remember this of yourself, I must give you a little pain to make +you remember it. I am sorry it is necessary, and that you cannot +recollect without my doing so." + +But before he had reached this very proper and desirable +conclusion, and while he was yet working his way, his heart +aching with the terrified look of the child at the solemnly sad +face and words of upbraiding, Sally burst in-- + +"And what may ye be going to do with that fine switch I saw ye +gathering, Master Thurstan?" asked she, her eyes gleaming with +anger at the answer she knew must come, if answer she had at all. + +"Go away, Sally," said Mr. Benson, annoyed at the fresh +difficulty in his path. + +"I'll not stir never a step till you give me that switch, as +you've got for some mischief, I'll be bound." + +"Sally! remember where it is said, 'He that spareth the rod, +spoileth the child,'" said Mr. Benson austerely. + +"Ay, I remember; and I remember a bit more than you want me to +remember, I reckon. It were King Solomon as spoke them words, and +it were King Solomon's son that were King Rehoboam, and no great +shakes either. I can remember what is said on him, 2 Chronicles, +xii. chapter, 14th v.: 'And he'--that's King Rehoboam, the lad +that tasted the rod--'did evil, because he prepared not his heart +to seek the Lord.' I've not been reading my chapters every night +for fifty year to be caught napping by a Dissenter, neither!" +said she triumphantly. "Come along, Leonard." She stretched out +her hand to the child, thinking that she had conquered. + +But Leonard did not stir. He looked wistfully at Mr. Benson. +"Come!" said she impatiently. The boy's mouth quivered. + +"If you want to whip me, uncle, you may do it. I don't much +mind." + +Put in this form, it was impossible to carry out his intentions; +and so Mr. Benson told the lad he might go--that he would speak +to him another time. Leonard went away, more subdued in spirit +than if he had been whipped. Sally lingered a moment. She stopped +to add: "I think it's for them without sin to throw stones at a +poor child, and cut up good laburnum-branches to whip him. I only +do as my betters do, when I call Leonard's mother Mrs. Denbigh." +The moment she had said this she was sorry; it was an ungenerous +advantage after the enemy had acknowledged himself defeated. Mr. +Benson dropped his head upon his hands and bid his face, and +sighed deeply. + +Leonard flew in search of his mother, as in search of a refuge. +If he had found her calm, he would have burst into a passion of +crying after his agitation; as it was, he came upon her kneeling +and sobbing, and he stood quite still. Then he threw his arms +round her neck, and said, "Mamma! mamma! I will be good--I make a +promise; I will speak true--I make a promise." And he kept his +word. + +Miss Benson piqued herself upon being less carried away by her +love for this child than any one else in the house; she talked +severely, and had capital theories; but her severity ended in +talk, and her theories would not work. + +However, she read several books on education, knitting socks for +Leonard all the while; and, upon the whole, I think, the hands +were more usefully employed than the head, and the good honest +heart better than either. She looked older than when we first +knew her, but it was a ripe, kindly age that was coming over her. +Her excellent practical sense, perhaps, made her a more masculine +character than her brother. He was often so much perplexed by the +problems of life, that he let the time for action go by; but she +kept him in check by her clear, pithy talk, which brought back +his wandering thoughts to the duty that lay straight before him, +waiting for action; and then he remembered that it was the +faithful part to "wait patiently upon God," and leave the ends in +His hands, who alone knows why Evil exists in this world, and why +it ever hovers on either side of Good. In this respect, Miss +Benson had more faith than her brother--or so it seemed; for +quick, resolute action in the next step of Life was all she +required, while he deliberated and trembled, and often did wrong +from his very deliberation, when his first instinct would have +led him right. + +But, although decided and prompt as ever, Miss Benson was grown +older since the summer afternoon when she dismounted from the +coach at the foot of the long Welsh hill that led to Llan-dhu, +where her brother awaited her to consult her about Ruth. Though +her eye was as bright and straight-looking as ever, quick and +brave in its glances, her hair had become almost snowy white; and +it was on this point she consulted Sally, soon after the date of +Leonard's last untruth. The two were arranging Miss Benson's room +one morning, when, after dusting the looking-glass, she suddenly +stopped in her operation, and after a close inspection of +herself, startled Sally by this speech-- + +"Sally! I'm looking a great deal older than I used to do!" + +Sally, who was busy dilating on the increased price of flour, +considered this remark of Miss Benson's as strangely irrelevant +to the matter in hand, and only noticed it by a-- + +"To be sure! I suppose we all on us do. But two-and-fourpence a +dozen is too much to make us pay for it." + +Miss Benson went on with her inspection of herself, and Sally +with her economical projects. + +"Sally!" said Miss Benson, "my hair is nearly white. The last +time I looked it was only pepper-and-salt. What must I do?" + +"Do--why, what would the wench do?" asked Sally contemptuously. +"Ye're never going to be taken in, at your time of life, by +hair-dyes and such gimcracks, as can only take in young girls +whose wisdom-teeth are not cut." + +"And who are not very likely to want them," said Miss Benson +quietly. "No! but you see, Sally, it's very awkward having such +grey hair, and feeling so young. Do you know, Sally, I've as +great a mind for dancing, when I hear a lively tune on the +street-organs, as ever; and as great a mind to sing when I'm +happy--to sing in my old way, Sally, you know." + +"Ay, you had it from a girl," said Sally; "and many a time, when +the door's been shut, I did not know if it was you in the +parlour, or a big bumble-bee in the kitchen, as was making that +drumbling noise. I heard you at it yesterday." + +"But an old woman with grey hair ought not to have a fancy for +dancing or singing," continued Miss Benson. + +"Whatten nonsense are ye talking?" said Sally, roused to +indignation. "Calling yoursel' an old woman when you're better +than ten years younger than me; and many a girl has grey hair at +five-and-twenty." + +"But I'm more than five-and-twenty, Sally--I'm fifty-seven next +May!" + +"More shame for ye, then, not to know better than to talk of +dyeing your hair. I cannot abide such vanities!" + +"Oh dear! Sally, when will you understand what I mean? I want to +know how I'm to keep remembering how old I am, so as to prevent +myself from feeling so young? I was quite startled just now to +see my hair in the glass, for I can generally tell if my cap is +straight by feeling. I'll tell you what I'll do--I'll cut off a +piece of my grey hair, and plait it together for a marker in my +Bible!" Miss Benson expected applause for this bright idea, but +Sally only made answer-- + +"You'll be taking to painting your cheeks next, now you've once +thought of dyeing your hair." So Miss Benson plaited her grey +hair in silence and quietness, Leonard holding one end of it +while she wove it, and admiring the colour and texture all the +time, with a sort of implied dissatisfaction at the auburn colour +of his own curls, which was only half-comforted away by Miss +Benson's information, that, if he lived long enough, his hair +would be like hers. + +Mr. Benson, who had looked old and frail while he was yet but +young, was now stationary as to the date of his appearance. But +there was something more of nervous restlessness in his voice and +ways than formerly; that was the only change five years had +brought to him. And as for Sally, she chose to forget age and the +passage of years altogether, and had as much work in her, to use +her own expression, as she had at sixteen; nor was her appearance +very explicit as to the flight of time. Fifty, sixty, or seventy, +she might be--not more than the last, not less than the +first--though her usual answer to any circuitous inquiry as to +her age was now (what it had been for many years past), "I'm +feared I shall never see thirty again." + +Then as to the house. It was not one where the sitting-rooms are +refurnished every two or three years; not now, even (since Ruth +came to share their living) a place where, as an article grew +shabby or worn, a new one was purchased. The furniture looked +poor, and the carpets almost threadbare; but there was such a +dainty spirit of cleanliness abroad, such exquisite neatness of +repair, and altogether so bright and cheerful a look about the +rooms--everything so above-board--no shifts to conceal poverty +under flimsy ornament--that many a splendid drawing-room would +give less pleasure to those who could see evidences of character +in inanimate things. But whatever poverty there might be in the +house, there was full luxuriance in the little square +wall-encircled garden, on two sides of which the parlour and +kitchen looked. The laburnum-tree, which when Ruth came was like +a twig stuck into the ground, was now a golden glory in spring, +and a pleasant shade in summer. The wild hop, that Mr. Benson had +brought home from one of his country rambles, and planted by the +parlour-window, while Leonard was yet a baby in his mother's +arms, was now a garland over the casement, hanging down long +tendrils, that waved in the breezes, and threw pleasant shadows +and traceries, like some old Bacchanalian carving, on the +parlour-walls, at "morn or dusky eve." The yellow rose had +clambered up to the window of Mr. Benson's bedroom, and its +blossom-laden branches were supported by a jargonelle pear-tree +rich in autumnal fruit. + +But, perhaps, in Ruth herself there was the greatest external +change; for of the change which had gone on in her heart, and +mind, and soul, or if there had been any, neither she nor any one +around her was conscious; but sometimes Miss Benson did say to +Sally, "How very handsome Ruth is grown!" To which Sally made +ungracious answer, "Yes, she's well enough. Beauty is deceitful, +and favour a snare, and I'm thankful the Lord has spared me from +such man-traps and spring-guns." But even Sally could not help +secretly admiring Ruth. If her early brilliancy of colouring was +gone, a clear ivory skin, as smooth as satin, told of complete +and perfect health, and was as lovely, if not so striking in +effect, as the banished lilies and roses. Her hair had grown +darker and deeper, in the shadow that lingered in its masses; her +eyes, even if you could have guessed that they had shed bitter +tears in their day, had a thoughtful, spiritual look about them, +that made you wonder at their depth, and look--and look again. +The increase of dignity in her face had been imparted to her +form. I do not know if she had grown taller since the birth of +her child, but she looked as if she had. And although she had +lived in a very humble home, yet there was something about either +it or her, or the people amongst whom she had been thrown during +the last few years, which had so changed her, that whereas, six +or seven years ago, you would have perceived that she was not +altogether a lady by birth and education, yet now she might have +been placed among the highest in the land, and would have been +taken by the most critical judge for their equal, although +ignorant of their conventional etiquette--an ignorance which she +would have acknowledged in a simple, child-like way, being +unconscious of any false shame. + +Her whole heart was in her boy. She often feared that she loved +him too much--more than God Himself--yet she could not bear to +pray to have her love for her child lessened. But she would kneel +down by his little bed at night--at the deep, still +midnight--with the stars that kept watch over Rizpah shining down +upon her, and tell God what I have now told you, that she feared +she loved her child too much, yet could not, would not, love him +less; and speak to Him of her one treasure as she could speak to +no earthly friend. And so, unconsciously, her love for her child +led her up to love to God, to the All-knowing, who read her +heart. + +It might be superstition--I dare say it was--but, some-how, she +never lay down to rest without saying, as she looked her last on +her boy, "Thy will, not mine, be done"; and even while she +trembled and shrank with infinite dread from sounding the depths +of what that will might be, she felt as if her treasure were more +secure to waken up rosy and bright in the morning, as one over +whose slumbers God's holy angels had watched, for the very words +which she had turned away in sick terror from realising the night +before. + +Her daily absence at her duties to the Bradshaw children only +ministered to her love for Leonard. Everything does minister to +love when its foundation lies deep in a true heart, and it was +with an exquisite pang of delight that, after a moment of vague +fear, + +("Oh, mercy! to myself I said, If Lucy should be dead!") + +she saw her child's bright face of welcome as he threw open the +door every afternoon on her return home. For it was his +silently-appointed work to listen for her knock, and rush +breathless to let her in. If he were in the garden, or upstairs +among the treasures of the lumber-room, either Miss Benson, or +her brother, or Sally would fetch him to his happy little task; +no one so sacred as he to the allotted duty. And the joyous +meeting was not deadened by custom, to either mother or child. + +Ruth gave the Bradshaws the highest satisfaction, as Mr. Bradshaw +often said both to her and to the Bensons; indeed, she rather +winced under his pompous approbation. But his favourite +recreation was patronising; and when Ruth saw how quietly and +meekly Mr. Benson submitted to gifts and praise, when an honest +word of affection, or a tacit, implied acknowledgment of +equality, would have been worth everything said and done, she +tried to be more meek in spirit, and to recognise the good that +undoubtedly existed in Mr. Bradshaw. He was richer and more +prosperous than ever;--a keen, far-seeing man of business, with +an undisguised contempt for all who failed in the success which +he had achieved. But it was not alone those who were less +fortunate in obtaining wealth than himself that he visited with +severity of judgment; every moral error or delinquency came under +his unsparing comment. Stained by no vice himself, either in his +own eyes or in that of any human being who cared to judge him, +having nicely and wisely proportioned and adapted his means to +his ends, he could afford to speak and act with a severity which +was almost sanctimonious in its ostentation of thankfulness as to +himself. Not a misfortune or a sin was brought to light but Mr. +Bradshaw could trace to its cause in some former mode of action, +which he had long ago foretold would lead to shame. If another's +son turned out wild or bad, Mr. Bradshaw had little sympathy; it +might have been prevented by a stricter rule, or more religious +life at home; young Richard Bradshaw was quiet and steady, and +other fathers might have had sons like him if they had taken the +same pains to enforce obedience. Richard was an only son, and yet +Mr. Bradshaw might venture to say he had never had his own way in +his life. Mrs. Bradshaw was, he confessed (Mr. Bradshaw did not +dislike confessing his wife's errors), rather less firm than he +should have liked with the girls; and with some people, he +believed, Jemima was rather headstrong; but to his wishes she had +always shown herself obedient. All children were obedient if +their parents were decided and authoritative; and every one would +turn out well, if properly managed. If they did not prove good, +they might take the consequences of their errors. + +Mrs. Bradshaw murmured faintly at her husband when his back was +turned; but if his voice was heard, or his foot-steps sounded in +the distance, she was mute, and hurried her children into the +attitude or action most pleasing to their father. Jemima, it is +true, rebelled against this manner of proceeding, which savoured +to her a little of deceit; but even she had not, as yet, overcome +her awe of her father sufficiently to act independently of him, +and according to her own sense of right--or rather, I should say, +according to her own warm, passionate impulses. Before him the +wilfulness which made her dark eyes blaze out at times was hushed +and still; he had no idea of her self-tormenting, no notion of +the almost southern jealousy which seemed to belong to her +brunette complexion. Jemima was not pretty; the flatness and +shortness of her face made her almost plain; yet most people +looked twice at her expressive countenance, at the eyes which +flamed or melted at every trifle, at the rich colour which came +at every expressed emotion into her usually sallow face, at the +faultless teeth which made her smile like a sunbeam. But then, +again, when she thought she was not kindly treated, when a +suspicion crossed her mind, or when she was angry with herself, +her lips were tight-pressed together, her colour was wan and +almost livid, and a stormy gloom clouded her eyes as with a film. +But before her father her words were few, and he did not notice +looks or tones. + +Her brother Richard had been equally silent before his father in +boyhood and early youth; but since he had gone to be a clerk in a +London house, preparatory to assuming his place as junior partner +in Mr. Bradshaw's business, he spoke more on his occasional +visits at home. And very proper and highly moral was his +conversation; set sentences of goodness, which were like the +flowers that children stick in the ground, and that have not +sprung upwards from roots--deep down in the hidden life and +experience of the heart. He was as severe a judge as his father +of other people's conduct, but you felt that Mr. Bradshaw was +sincere in his condemnation of all outward error and vice, and +that he would try himself by the same laws as he tried others; +somehow, Richard's words were frequently heard with a lurking +distrust, and many shook their heads over the pattern son; but +then it was those whose sons had gone astray, and been condemned, +in no private or tender manner, by Mr. Bradshaw, so it might be +revenge in them. Still, Jemima felt that all was not right; her +heart sympathised in the rebellion against his father's commands, +which her brother had confessed to her in an unusual moment of +confidence, but her uneasy conscience condemned the deceit which +he had practised. + +The brother and sister were sitting alone over a blazing +Christmas fire, and Jemima held an old newspaper in her hand to +shield her face from the hot light. They were talking of family +events, when, during a pause, Jemima's eye caught the name of a +great actor, who had lately given prominence and life to a +character in one of Shakespeare's plays. The criticism in the +paper was fine, and warmed Jemima's heart. + +"How I should like to see a play!" exclaimed she. + +"Should you?" said her brother listlessly. + +"Yes, to be sure! Just hear this!" and she began to read a fine +passage of criticism. + +"Those newspaper people can make an article out of anything," +said he, yawning. + +"I've seen the man myself, and it was all very well, but nothing +to make such a fuss about." + +"You! you seen----! Have you seen a play, Richard? Oh, why did +you never tell me before? Tell me all about it! Why did you never +name seeing----in your letters?" + +He half smiled, contemptuously enough. "Oh! at first it strikes +one rather, but after a while one cares no more for the theatre +than one does for mince-pies." + +"Oh, I wish I might go to London!" said Jemima impatiently. "I've +a great mind to ask papa to let me go to the George Smiths', and +then I could see----. I would not think him like mince-pies." + +"You must not do any such thing!" said Richard, now neither +yawning nor contemptuous. "My father would never allow you to go +to the theatre; and the George Smiths are such old fogeys--they +would be sure to tell." + +"How do you go, then? Does my father give you leave?" + +"Oh! many things are right for men which are not for girls." + +Jemima sat and pondered. Richard wished he had not been so +confidential. + +"You need not name it," said he, rather anxiously. + +"Name what?" said she, startled, for her thoughts had gone far +afield. + +"Oh, name my going once or twice to the theatre!" + +"No, I shan't name it!" said she. "No one here would care to hear +it." + +But it was with some little surprise, and almost with a feeling +of disgust, that she heard Richard join with her father in +condemning some one, and add to Mr. Bradshaw's list of offences, +by alleging that the young man was a playgoer. He did not think +his sister heard his words. Mary and Elizabeth were the two girls +whom Ruth had in charge; they resembled Jemima more than their +brother in character. The household rules were occasionally a +little relaxed in their favour, for Mary, the elder, was nearly +eight years younger than Jemima, and three intermediate children +had died. They loved Ruth dearly, made a great pet of Leonard, +and had many profound secrets together, most of which related to +their wonders if Jemima and Mr. Farquhar would ever be married. +They watched their sister closely; and every day had some fresh +confidence to make to each other, confirming or discouraging to +their hopes. + +Ruth rose early, and shared the household work with Sally and +Miss Benson till seven; and then she helped Leonard to dress, and +had a quiet time alone with him till prayers and breakfast. At +nine she was to be at Mr. Bradshaw's house. She sat in the room +with Mary and Elizabeth during the Latin, the writing, and +arithmetic lessons, which they received from masters; then she +read, and walked with them, clinging to her as to an elder +sister; she dined with her pupils at the family lunch, and +reached home by four. That happy home--those quiet days! And so +the peaceful days passed on into weeks, and months, and years, +and Ruth and Leonard grew and strengthened into the riper beauty +of their respective ages; while as yet no touch of decay had come +on the quaint, primitive elders of the household. + + +CHAPTER XX + + +JEMIMA REFUSES TO BE MANAGED + +It was no wonder that the lookers-on were perplexed as to the +state of affairs between Jemima and Mr. Farquhar, for they two +were sorely puzzled themselves at the sort of relationship +between them. Was it love, or was it not? that was the question +in Mr. Farquhar's mind. He hoped it was not; he believed it was +not; and yet he felt as if it were. There was something +preposterous, he thought, in a man nearly forty years of age +being in love with a girl of twenty. He had gone on reasoning, +through all the days of his manhood, on the idea of a staid, +noble-minded wife, grave and sedate, the fit companion in +experience of her husband. He had spoken with admiration of +reticent characters, full of self-control and dignity; and he +hoped--he trusted, that all this time he had not been allowing +himself unconsciously to fall in love with a wild-hearted, +impetuous girl, who knew nothing of life beyond her father's +house, and who chafed under the strict discipline enforced there. +For it was rather a suspicious symptom of the state of Mr. +Farquhar's affections, that he had discovered the silent +rebellion which continued in Jemima's heart, unperceived by any +of her own family, against the severe laws and opinions of her +father. Mr. Farquhar shared in these opinions; but in him they +were modified, and took a milder form. Still, he approved of much +that Mr. Bradshaw did and said; and this made it all the more +strange that he should wince so for Jemima, whenever anything +took place which he instinctively knew that she would dislike. +After an evening at Mr. Bradshaw's, when Jemima had gone to the +very verge of questioning or disputing some of her father's +severe judgments, Mr. Farquhar went home in a dissatisfied, +restless state of mind, which he was almost afraid to analyse. He +admired the inflexible integrity--and almost the pomp of +principle--evinced by Mr. Bradshaw on every occasion; he wondered +how it was that Jemima could not see how grand a life might be, +whose every action was shaped in obedience to some eternal law; +instead of which, he was afraid she rebelled against every law, +and was only guided by impulse. Mr. Farquhar had been taught to +dread impulses as promptings of the devil. Sometimes, if he tried +to present her father's opinion before her in another form, so as +to bring himself and her rather more into that state of agreement +he longed for, she flashed out upon him with the indignation of +difference that she dared not show to, or before, her father, as +if she had some diviner instinct which taught her more truly than +they knew, with all their experience; at least, in her first +expressions there seemed something good and fine; but opposition +made her angry and irritable, and the arguments which he was +constantly provoking (whenever he was with her in her father's +absence) frequently ended in some vehemence of expression on her +part that offended Mr. Farquhar, who did not see how she expiated +her anger in tears and self-reproaches when alone in her chamber. +Then he would lecture himself severely on the interest he could +not help feeling in a wilful girl; he would determine not to +interfere with her opinions in future, and yet, the very next +time they differed, he strove to argue her into harmony with +himself, in spite of all resolutions to the contrary. + +Mr. Bradshaw saw just enough of this interest which Jemima had +excited in his partner's mind, to determine him in considering +their future marriage as a settled affair. The fitness of the +thing had long ago struck him; her father's partner--so the +fortune he meant to give her might continue in the business; a +man of such steadiness of character, and such a capital eye for a +desirable speculation, as Mr. Farquhar--just the right age to +unite the paternal with the conjugal affection, and consequently +the very man for Jemima, who had something unruly in her, which +might break out under a regime less wisely adjusted to the +circumstances than was Mr. Bradshaw's (in his own opinion)--a +house ready furnished, at a convenient distance from her home--no +near relations on Mr. Farquhar's side, who might be inclined to +consider his residence as their own for an indefinite time, and +so add to the household expenses--in short, what could be more +suitable in every way? Mr. Bradshaw respected the very +self-restraint he thought he saw in Mr. Farquhar's demeanour, +attributing it to a wise desire to wait until trade should be +rather more slack, and the man of business more at leisure to +become the lover. + +As for Jemima, at times she thought she almost hated Mr. +Farquhar. + +"What business has he," she would think, "to lecture me? Often I +can hardly bear it from papa, and I will not bear it from him. He +treats me just like a child, and as if I should lose all my +present opinions when I know more of the world. I am sure I +should like never to know the world, if it was to make me think +as he does, hard man that he is! I wonder what made him take Jem +Brown on as gardener again, if he does not believe that above one +criminal in a thousand is restored to goodness. I'll ask him, +some day, if that was not acting on impulse rather than +principle. Poor impulse! how you do get abused! But I will tell +Mr. Farquhar I will not let him interfere with me. If I do what +papa bids me, no one has a right to notice whether I do it +willingly or not." + +So then she tried to defy Mr. Farquhar, by doing and saying +things that she knew he would disapprove. She went so far that he +was seriously grieved, and did not even remonstrate and +"lecture," and then she was disappointed and irritated; for, +somehow, with all her indignation at interference, she liked to +be lectured by him; not that she was aware of this liking of +hers, but still it would have been more pleasant to be scolded +than so quietly passed over. Her two little sisters, with their +wide-awake eyes, had long ago put things together, and +conjectured. Every day they had some fresh mystery together, to +be imparted in garden walks and whispered talks. + +"Lizzie, did you see how the tears came into Mimie's eyes when +Mr. Farquhar looked so displeased when she said good people were +always dull? I think she's in love." Mary said the last words +with grave emphasis, and felt like an oracle of twelve years of +age. + +"I don't," said Lizzie. "I know I cry often enough when papa is +cross, and I'm not in love with him." + +"Yes! but you don't look as Mimie did." + +"Don't call her Mimie--you know papa does not like it?" + +"Yes; but there are so many things papa does not like I can never +remember them all. Never mind about that; but listen to something +I've got to tell you, if you'll never, never tell." + +"No, indeed I won't, Mary. What is it?" + +"Not to Mrs. Denbigh?" + +"No, not even to Mrs. Denbigh." + +"Well, then, the other day--last Friday, Mimie----" + +"Jemima!" interrupted the more conscientious Elizabeth. + +"Jemima, if it must be so," jerked out Mary, "sent me to her desk +for an envelope, and what do you think I saw?" + +"What?" asked Elizabeth, expecting nothing else than a red-hot +Valentine, signed Walter Farquhar, pro Bradshaw, Farquhar, & Co., +in full. + +"Why, a piece of paper, with dull-looking lines upon it, just +like the scientific dialogues; and I remember all about it. It +was once when Mr. Farquhar had been telling us that a bullet does +not go in a straight line, but in a something curve, and he drew +some lines on a piece of paper; and Mimie----" + +"Jemima!" put in Elizabeth. + +"Well, well! She had treasured it up, and written in corner, 'W. +F., April 3rd.' Now, that's rather like love, is not it? For +Jemima hates useful information just as much as I do, and that's +saying a great deal; and yet she had kept this paper, and dated +it." + +"If that's all, I know Dick keeps a paper with Miss Benson's name +written on it, and yet he's not in love with her; and perhaps +Jemima may like Mr. Farquhar, and he may not like her. It seems +such a little while since her hair was turned up, and he has +always been a grave, middle-aged man ever since I can recollect; +and then, have you never noticed how often he finds fault with +her--almost lectures her?" + +"To be sure," said Mary; "but he may be in love, for all that. +Just think how often papa lectures mamma; and yet, of course, +they're in love with each other." + +"Well! we shall see," said Elizabeth. + +Poor Jemima little thought of the four sharp eyes that watched +her daily course while she sat alone, as she fancied, with her +secret in her own room. For, in a passionate fit of grieving, at +the impatient, hasty temper which had made her so seriously +displease Mr. Farquhar that he had gone away without +remonstrance, without more leave-taking than a distant bow, she +had begun to suspect that, rather than not be noticed at all by +him, rather than be an object of indifference to him--oh! far +rather would she be an object of anger and upbraiding; and the +thoughts that followed this confession to herself stunned and +bewildered her; and for once that they made her dizzy with hope, +ten times they made her sick with fear. For an instant she +planned to become and to be all he could wish her; to change her +very nature for him. And then a great gush of pride came over +her, and she set her teeth tight together, and determined that he +should either love her as she was or not at all. Unless he could +take her with all her faults, she would not care for his regard; +"love" was too noble a word to call such cold, calculating +feeling as his must be, who went about with a pattern idea in his +mind, trying to find a wife to match. Besides, there was +something degrading, Jemima thought, in trying to alter herself +to gain the love of any human creature. And yet, if he did not +care for her, if this late indifference were to last, what a +great shroud was drawn over life! Could she bear it? + +From the agony she dared not look at, but which she was going to +risk encountering, she was aroused by the presence of her mother. + +"Jemima! your father wants to speak to you in the dining-room." + +"What for?" asked the girl. + +"Oh! he is fidgeted by something Mr. Farquhar said to me and +which I repeated. I am sure I thought there was no harm in it, +and your father always likes me to tell him what everybody says +in his absence." + +Jemima went with a heavy heart into her father's presence. + +He was walking up and down the room, and did not see her at +first. + +"O Jemima! is that you? Has your mother told you what I want to +speak to you about?" + +"No!" said Jemima. "Not exactly." + +"She has been telling me what proves to me how very seriously you +must have displeased and offended Mr. Farquhar, before he could +have expressed himself to her as he did, when he left the house. +You know what he said?" + +"No!" said Jemima, her heart swelling within her. "He has no +right to say anything about me." She was desperate, or she durst +not have said this before her father. + +"No right!--what do you mean, Jemima?" said Mr. Bradshaw, turning +sharp round. "Surely you must know that I hope he may one day be +your husband; that is to say, if you prove yourself worthy of the +excellent training I have given you. I cannot suppose Mr. +Farquhar would take any undisciplined girl as a wife." Jemima +held tight by a chair near which she was standing. She did not +speak; her father was pleased by her silence--it was the way in +which he liked his projects to be received. + +"But you cannot suppose," he continued, "that Mr. Farquhar will +consent to marry you----" + +"Consent to marry me!" repeated Jemima, in a low tone of brooding +indignation; were those the terms upon which her rich woman's +heart was to be given, with a calm consent of acquiescent +acceptance, but a little above resignation on the part of the +receiver?-- + +"If you give way to a temper which, although you have never dared +to show it to me, I am well aware exists, although I hoped the +habits of self-examination I had instilled had done much to cure +you of manifesting it. At one time, Richard promised to be the +more headstrong of the two; now, I must desire you to take +pattern by him. Yes," he continued, falling into his old train of +thought, "it would be a most fortunate connection for you in +every way. I should have you under my own eye, and could still +assist you in the formation of your character, and I should be at +hand to strengthen and confirm your principles. Mr. Farquhar's +connection with the firm would be convenient and agreeable to me +in a pecuniary point of view. He----" Mr. Bradshaw was going on +in his enumeration of the advantages which he in particular, and +Jemima in the second place, would derive from this marriage, when +his daughter spoke, at first so low that he could not hear her, +as he walked up and down the room with his creaking boots, and he +had to stop to listen. + +"Has Mr. Farquhar ever spoken to you about it?" Jemima's cheek +was flushed as she asked the question; she wished that she might +have been the person to whom he had first addressed himself. + +Mr. Bradshaw answered-- + +"No, not spoken. It has been implied between us for some time. At +least, I have been so aware of his intentions that I have made +several allusions, in the course of business, to it, as a thing +that might take place. He can hardly have misunderstood; he must +have seen that I perceived his design, and approved of it," said +Mr. Bradshaw, rather doubtfully; as he remembered how very +little, in fact, passed between him and his partner which could +have reference to the subject, to any but a mind prepared to +receive it. Perhaps Mr. Farquhar had not really thought of it; +but then again, that would imply that his own penetration had +been mistaken, a thing not impossible certainly, but quite beyond +the range of probability. So he reassured himself, and (as he +thought) his daughter, by saying-- + +"The whole thing is so suitable--the advantages arising from the +connection are so obvious; besides which, I am quite aware, from +many little speeches of Mr. Farquhar's, that he contemplates +marriage at no very distant time; and he seldom leaves Eccleston, +and visits few families besides our own--certainly, none that can +compare with ours in the advantages you have all received in +moral and religious training." But then Mr. Bradshaw was checked +in his implied praises of himself (and only himself could be his +martingale when he once set out on such a career) by a +recollection that Jemima must not feel too secure, as she might +become if he dwelt too much on the advantages of her being her +father's daughter. Accordingly, he said, "But you must be aware, +Jemima, that you do very little credit to the education I have +given you, when you make such an impression as you must have done +to-day, before Mr. Farquhar could have said what he did of you!" + +"What did he say?" asked Jemima, still in the low, husky tone of +suppressed anger. + +"Your mother says he remarked to her, 'What a pity it is that +Jemima cannot maintain her opinions without going into a passion; +and what a pity it is that her opinions are such as to sanction, +rather than curb, these fits of rudeness and anger!'" + +"Did he say that?" said Jemima, in a still lower tone, not +questioning her father, but speaking rather to herself. + +"I have no doubt he did," replied her father gravely. "Your +mother is in the habit of repeating accurately to me what takes +place in my absence; besides which, the whole speech is not one +of hers; she has not altered a word in the repetition, I am +convinced. I have trained her to habits of accuracy very unusual +in a woman." + +At another time, Jemima might have been inclined to rebel against +this system of carrying constant intelligence to headquarters, +which she had long ago felt as an insurmountable obstacle to any +free communication with her mother; but now, her father's means +of acquiring knowledge faded into insignificance before the +nature of the information he imparted. She stood quite still, +grasping the chair-back, longing to be dismissed. + +"I have said enough now, I hope, to make you behave in a becoming +manner to Mr. Farquhar; if your temper is too unruly to be always +under your own control, at least have respect to my injunctions, +and take some pains to curb it before him." + +"May I go?" asked Jemima, chafing more and more. + +"You may," said her father. When she left the room be gently +rubbed his hands together, satisfied with the effect he had +produced, and wondering how it was that one so well brought up as +his daughter could ever say or do anything to provoke such a +remark from Mr. Farquhar as that which he had heard repeated. + +"Nothing can be more gentle and docile than she is when spoken to +in the proper manner. I must give Farquhar a hint," said Mr. +Bradshaw to himself. Jemima rushed upstairs and locked herself +into her room. She began pacing up and down at first, without +shedding a tear; but then she suddenly stopped, and burst out +crying with passionate indignation. + +"So! I am to behave well, not because it is right--not because it +is right--but to show off before Mr. Farquhar. Oh, Mr. Farquhar!" +said she, suddenly changing to a sort of upbraiding tone of +voice, "I did not think so of you an hour ago. I did not think +you could choose a wife in that cold-hearted way, though you did +profess to act by rule and line; but you think to have me, do +you? because it is fitting and suitable, and you want to be +married, and can't spare time for wooing" (she was lashing +herself up by an exaggeration of all her father had said). "And +bow often I have thought you were too grand for me! but now I +know better. Now I can believe that all you do is done from +calculation; you are good because it adds to your business +credit--you talk in that high strain about principle because it +sounds well, and is respectable--and even these things are better +than your cold way of looking out for a wife, just as you would +do for a carpet, to add to your comforts, and settle you +respectably. But I won't be that wife. You shall see something of +me which shall make you not acquiesce so quietly in the +arrangements of the firm." She cried too vehemently to go on +thinking or speaking. Then she stopped, and said-- + +"Only an hour ago I was hoping--I don't know what I was +hoping--but I thought--oh! how I was deceived!--I thought he had +a true, deep, loving manly heart, which God might let me win; but +now I know he has only a calm, calculating head----" + +If Jemima had been vehement and passionate before this +conversation with her father, it was better than the sullen +reserve she assumed now whenever Mr. Farquhar came to the house. +He felt it deeply; no reasoning with himself took off the pain he +experienced. He tried to speak on the subjects she liked, in the +manner she liked, until he despised himself for the unsuccessful +efforts. He stood between her and her father once or twice, in +obvious inconsistency with his own previously expressed opinions; +and Mr. Bradshaw piqued himself upon his admirable management, in +making Jemima feel that she owed his indulgence or forbearance to +Mr. Farquhar's interference; but Jemima--perverse, miserable +Jemima--thought that she hated Mr. Farquhar all the more. She +respected her father inflexible, much more than her father +pompously giving up to Mr. Farquhar's subdued remonstrances on +her behalf. Even Mr. Bradshaw was perplexed, and shut himself up +to consider how Jemima was to be made more fully to understand +his wishes and her own interests. But there was nothing to take +hold of as a ground for any further conversation with her. Her +actions were so submissive that they were spiritless; she did all +her father desired; she did it with a nervous quickness and +haste, if she thought that otherwise Mr. Farquhar would interfere +in any way. She wished evidently to owe nothing to him. She had +begun by leaving the room when he came in, after the conversation +she had had with her father; but at Mr. Bradshaw's first +expression of his wish that she should remain, she +remained--silent, indifferent, inattentive to all that was going +on; at least there was this appearance of inattention. She would +work away at her sewing as if she were to earn her livelihood by +it; the light was gone out of her eyes as she lifted them up +heavily before replying to any question, and the eyelids were +often swollen with crying. + +But in all this there was no positive fault. Mr. Bradshaw could +not have told her not to do this, or to do that, without her +doing it; for she had become much more docile of late. + +It was a wonderful proof of the influence Ruth had gained in the +family, that Mr. Bradshaw, after much deliberation, congratulated +himself on the wise determination he had made of requesting her +to speak to Jemima, and find out what feeling was at the bottom +of all this change in her ways of going on. He rang the bell. + +"Is Mrs. Denbigh here?" he inquired of the servant who answered +it. + +"Yes, sir; she has just come." + +"Beg her to come to me in this room as soon as she can leave the +young ladies." Ruth came. + +"Sit down, Mrs. Denbigh; sit down. I want to have a little +conversation with you; not about your pupils; they are going on +well under your care, I am sure; and I often congratulate myself +on the choice I made--I assure you I do. But now I want to speak +to you about Jemima. She is very fond of you, and perhaps you +could take an opportunity of observing to her--in short, of +saying to her, that she is behaving very foolishly--in fact, +disgusting Mr. Farquhar (who was, I know, inclined to like her) +by the sullen, sulky way she behaves in, when he is by." + +He paused for the ready acquiescence he expected. But Ruth did +not quite comprehend what was required of her, and disliked the +glimpse she had gained of the task very much. + +"I hardly understand, sir. You are displeased with Miss +Bradshaw's manners to Mr. Farquhar." + +"Well, well! not quite that; I am displeased with her +manners--they are sulky and abrupt, particularly when he is +by--and I want you (of whom she is so fond) to speak to her about +it." + +"But I have never had the opportunity of noticing them. Whenever +I have seen her, she has been most gentle and affectionate." + +"But I think you do not hesitate to believe me when I say that I +have noticed the reverse," said Mr. Bradshaw, drawing himself up. + +"No, sir. I beg your pardon if I have expressed myself so badly +as to seem to doubt. But am I to tell Miss Bradshaw that you have +spoken of her faults to me?" asked Ruth, a little astonished, and +shrinking more than ever from the proposed task. + +"If you would allow me to finish what I have got to say, without +interruption, I could then tell you what I do wish." + +"I beg your pardon, sir," said Ruth gently. + +"I wish you to join our circle occasionally in an evening; Mrs. +Bradshaw shall send you an invitation when Mr. Farquhar is likely +to be here. Warned by me, and, consequently, with your +observation quickened, you can hardly fail to notice instances of +what I have pointed out; and then I will trust to your own good +sense" (Mr. Bradshaw bowed to her at this part of his sentence) +"to find an opportunity to remonstrate with her." + +Ruth was beginning to speak, but he waved his hand for another +minute of silence. + +"Only a minute, Mrs. Denbigh. I am quite aware that, in +requesting your presence occasionally in the evening, I shall be +trespassing upon the time which is, in fact, your money; you may +be assured that I shall not forget this little circumstance, and +you can explain what I have said on this head to Benson and his +sister." + +"I am afraid I cannot do it," Ruth began; but, while she was +choosing words delicate enough to express her reluctance to act +as he wished, he had almost bowed her out of the room; and +thinking that she was modest in her estimate of her +qualifications for remonstrating with his daughter, he added, +blandly-- + +"No one so able, Mrs. Denbigh. I have observed many qualities in +you--observed when, perhaps, you have little thought it." + +If he had observed Ruth that morning he would have seen an +absence of mind and depression of spirits not much to her credit +as a teacher; for she could not bring herself to feel that she +had any right to go into the family purposely to watch over and +find fault with any one member of it. If she had seen anything +wrong in Jemima, Ruth loved her so much that she would have told +her of it in private; and with many doubts, how far she was the +one to pull out the mote from any one's eye, even in the most +tender manner;--she would have had to conquer reluctance before +she could have done even this; but there was something +indefinably repugnant to her in the manner of acting which Mr. +Bradshaw had proposed, and she determined not to accept the +invitations which were to place her in so false a position. + +But as she was leaving the house, after the end of the lessons, +while she stood in the hall tying on her bonnet, and listening to +the last small confidences of her two pupils, she saw Jemima +coming in through the garden-door, and was struck by the change +in her looks. The large eyes, so brilliant once, were dim and +clouded; the complexion sallow and colourless; a lowering +expression was on the dark brow, and the corners of her mouth +drooped as with sorrowful thoughts. She looked up, and her eyes +met Ruth's. + +"Oh! you beautiful creature!" thought Jemima, "with your still, +calm, heavenly face, what are you to know of earth's trials? You +have lost your beloved by death--but that is a blessed sorrow; +the sorrow I have pulls me down and down, and makes me despise +and hate every one--not you, though." And, her face changing to a +soft, tender look, she went up to Ruth and kissed her fondly; as +if it were a relief to be near some one on whose true, pure heart +she relied. Ruth returned the caress; and even while she did so, +she suddenly rescinded her resolution to keep clear of what Mr. +Bradshaw had desired her to do. On her way home she resolved, if +she could, to find out what were Jemima's secret feelings; and if +(as, from some previous knowledge, she suspected) they were +morbid and exaggerated in any way, to try and help her right with +all the wisdom which true love gives. It was time that some one +should come to still the storm in Jemima's turbulent heart, which +was daily and hourly knowing less and less of peace. The +irritating difficulty was to separate the two characters, which +at two different times she had attributed to Mr. Farquhar--the +old one, which she had formerly believed to be true, that he was +a man acting up to a high standard of lofty principle, and acting +up without a struggle (and this last had been the circumstance +which had made her rebellious and irritable once); the new one, +which her father had excited in her suspicious mind, that Mr. +Farquhar was cold and calculating in all he did, and that she was +to be transferred by the former, and accepted by the latter, as a +sort of stock-in-trade--these were the two Mr. Farquhars who +clashed together in her mind. And in this state of irritation and +prejudice, she could not bear the way in which he gave up his +opinions to please her; that was not the way to win her; she +liked him far better when he inflexibly and rigidly adhered to +his idea of right and wrong, not even allowing any force to +temptation, and hardly any grace to repentance, compared with +that beauty of holiness which had never yielded to sin. He had +been her idol in those days, as she found out now, however much +at the time she had opposed him with violence. + +As for Mr. Farquhar, he was almost weary of himself; no +reasoning, even no principle, seemed to have influence over him, +for he saw that Jemima was not at all what he approved of in +woman. He saw her uncurbed and passionate, affecting to despise +the rules of life he held most sacred, and indifferent to, if not +positively disliking, him; and yet he loved her dearly. But he +resolved to make a great effort of will, and break loose from +these trammels of sense. And while he resolved, some old +recollection would bring her up, hanging on his arm, in all the +confidence of early girlhood, looking up in his face with her +soft, dark eyes, and questioning him upon the mysterious subjects +which had so much interest for both of them at that time, +although they had become only matter for dissension in these +later days. + +It was also true, as Mr. Bradshaw had said, Mr. Farquhar wished +to marry, and had not much choice in the small town of Eccleston. +He never put this so plainly before himself, as a reason for +choosing Jemima, as her father had done to her; but it was an +unconscious motive all the same. However, now he had lectured +himself into the resolution to make a pretty long absence from +Eccleston, and see if, amongst his distant friends, there was no +woman more in accordance with his ideal, who could put the +naughty, wilful, plaguing Jemima Bradshaw out of his head, if he +did not soon perceive some change in her for the better. A few +days after Ruth's conversation with Mr. Bradshaw the invitation +she had been expecting, yet dreading, came. It was to her alone. +Mr. and Miss Benson were pleased at the compliment to her, and +urged her acceptance of it. She wished that they had been +included; she had not thought it right, or kind to Jemima, to +tell them why she was going, and she feared now lest they should +feel a little hurt that they were not asked too. But she need not +have been afraid. They were glad and proud of the attention to +her, and never thought of themselves. + +"Ruthie, what gown shall you wear to-night? Your dark-grey one, I +suppose?" asked Miss Benson. + +"Yes, I suppose so. I never thought of it; but that is my best." + +"Well; then, I shall quill up a ruff for you. You know I am a +famous quiller of net." + +Ruth came downstairs with a little flush on her cheeks when she +was ready to go. She held her bonnet and shawl in her hand, for +she knew Miss Benson and Sally would want to see her dressed. + +"Is not mamma pretty?" asked Leonard, with a child's pride. + +"She looks very nice and tidy," said Miss Benson, who had an idea +that children should not talk or think about beauty. + +"I think my ruff looks so nice," said Ruth, with gentle pleasure. +And, indeed, it did look nice, and set off the pretty round +throat most becomingly. Her hair, now grown long and thick, was +smoothed as close to her head as its waving nature would allow, +and plaited up in a great rich knot low down behind. The grey +gown was as plain as plain could be. + +"You should have light gloves, Ruth," said Miss Benson. She went +upstairs, and brought down a delicate pair of Limerick ones, +which had been long treasured up in a walnut-shell. + +"They say them gloves is made of chickens'-skins," said Sally, +examining them curiously. "I wonder how they set about skinning +'em." + +"Here, Ruth," said Mr. Benson, coming in from the garden, "here's +a rose or two for you. I am sorry there are no more; I hoped I +should have had my yellow rose out by this time, but the damask +and the white are in a warmer corner, and have got the start." + +Miss Benson and Leonard stood at the door, and watched her down +the little passage-street till she was out of sight. + +She had hardly touched the bell at Mr. Bradshaw's door, when Mary +and Elizabeth opened it with boisterous glee. + +"We saw you coming--we've been watching for you--we want you to +come round the garden before tea; papa is not come in yet. Do +come!" + +She went round the garden with a little girl clinging to each +arm. It was full of sunshine and flowers, and this made the +contrast between it and the usual large family room (which +fronted the north-east, and therefore had no evening sun to light +up its cold, drab furniture) more striking than usual. It looked +very gloomy. There was the great dining-table, heavy and square; +the range of chairs, straight and square; the work-boxes, useful +and square; the colouring of walls, and carpets, and curtains, +all of the coldest description; everything was handsome, and +everything was ugly. Mrs. Bradshaw was asleep in her easy-chair +when they came in. Jemima had just put down her work, and, lost +in thought, she leaned her cheek on her hand. When she saw Ruth +she brightened a little, and went to her and kissed her. Mrs. +Bradshaw jumped up at the sound of their entrance, and was wide +awake in a moment. + +"Oh! I thought your father was here," said she, evidently +relieved to find that he had not come in and caught her sleeping. + +"Thank you, Mrs. Denbigh, for coming to us to-night," said she, +in the quiet tone in which she generally spoke in her husband's +absence. When he was there, a sort of constant terror of +displeasing him made her voice sharp and nervous; the children +knew that many a thing passed over by their mother when their +father was away was sure to be noticed by her when he was +present, and noticed, too, in a cross and querulous manner, for +she was so much afraid of the blame which on any occasion of +their misbehaviour fell upon her. And yet she looked up to her +husband with a reverence and regard, and a faithfulness of love, +which his decision of character was likely to produce on a weak +and anxious mind. He was a rest and a support to her, on whom she +cast all her responsibilities; she was an obedient, +unremonstrating wife to him; no stronger affection had ever +brought her duty into conflict with any desire of her heart. She +loved her children dearly, though they all perplexed her very +frequently. Her son was her especial darling, because he very +seldom brought her into any scrapes with his father; he was so +cautious and prudent, and had the art of "keeping a calm sough" +about any difficulty he might be in. With all her dutiful sense +of the obligation, which her husband enforced upon her, to notice +and tell him everything that was going wrong in the household, +and especially among his children, Mrs. Bradshaw, somehow, +contrived to be honestly blind to a good deal that was not +praiseworthy in Master Richard. + +Mr. Bradshaw came in before long, bringing with him Mr. Farquhar. +Jemima had been talking to Ruth with some interest before then; +but, on seeing Mr. Farquhar, she bent her head down over her +work, went a little paler; and turned obstinately silent. Mr. +Bradshaw longed to command her to speak; but even he had a +suspicion that what she might say, when so commanded, might be +rather worse in its effect than her gloomy silence; so he held +his peace, and a discontented, angry kind of peace it was. Mrs. +Bradshaw saw that something was wrong, but could not tell what; +only she became every moment more trembling, and nervous, and +irritable, and sent Mary and Elizabeth off on all sorts of +contradictory errands to the servants, and made the tea twice as +strong, and sweetened it twice as much as--usual, in hopes of +pacifying her husband with good things. Mr. Farquhar had gone for +the last time, or so he thought. He had resolved (for the fifth +time) that he would go and watch Jemima once more, and if her +temper got the better of her, and she showed the old sullenness +again, and gave the old proofs of indifference to his good +opinion, he would give her up altogether, and seek a wife +elsewhere. He sat watching her with folded arms, and in silence. +Altogether they were a pleasant family party! + +Jemima wanted to wind a skein of wool. Mr. Farquhar saw it, and +came to her, anxious to do her this little service. She turned +away pettishly, and asked Ruth to hold it for her. + +Ruth was hurt for Mr. Farquhar, and looked sorrowfully at Jemima; +but Jemima would not see her glance of upbraiding, as Ruth, +hoping that she would relent, delayed a little to comply with her +request. Mr. Farquhar did; and went back to his seat to watch +them both. He saw Jemima turbulent and stormy in look; he saw +Ruth, to all appearance heavenly calm as the angels, or with only +that little tinge of sorrow which her friend's behaviour had +called forth. He saw the unusual beauty of her face and form, +which he had never noticed before; and he saw Jemima, with all +the brilliancy she once possessed in eyes and complexion, dimmed +and faded. He watched Ruth, speaking low and soft to the little +girls, who seemed to come to her in every difficulty, and he +remarked her gentle firmness when their bed-time came, and they +pleaded to stay up longer (their father was absent in his +counting-house, or they would not have dared to do so). He liked +Ruth's soft, distinct, unwavering "No! you must go. You must keep +to what is right," far better than the good-natured yielding to +entreaty he had formerly admired in Jemima. He was wandering off +into this comparison, while Ruth with delicate and unconscious +tact, was trying to lead Jemima into some subject which should +take her away from the thoughts, whatever they were, that made +her so ungracious and rude. + +Jemima was ashamed of herself before Ruth, in a way which she had +never been before any one else. She valued Ruth's good opinion so +highly, that she dreaded lest her friend should perceive her +faults. She put a check upon herself--a check at first; but after +a little time she had forgotten something of her trouble, and +listened to Ruth, and questioned her about Leonard, and smiled at +his little witticisms; and only the sighs, that would come up +from the very force of habit, brought back the consciousness of +her unhappiness. Before the end of the evening, Jemima had +allowed herself to speak to Mr. Farquhar in the old +way--questioning, differing, disputing. She was recalled to the +remembrance of that miserable conversation by the entrance of her +father. After that she was silent. But he had seen her face more +animated, and bright with a smile, as she spoke to Mr. Farquhar; +and although he regretted the loss of her complexion (for she was +still very pale), he was highly pleased with the success of his +project. He never doubted but that Ruth had given her some sort +of private exhortation to behave better. He could not have +understood the pretty art with which, by simply banishing +unpleasant subjects, and throwing a wholesome natural sunlit tone +over others, Ruth had insensibly drawn Jemima out of her gloom. +He resolved to buy Mrs. Denbigh a handsome silk gown the very +next day. He did not believe she had a silk gown, poor creature! +He had noticed that dark-grey stuff, this long, long time, as her +Sunday dress. He liked the colour; the silk one should be just +the same tinge. Then he thought that it would, perhaps, be better +to choose a lighter shade, one which might be noticed as +different to the old gown. For he had no doubt she would like to +have it remarked, and, perhaps, would not object to tell people, +that it was a present from Mr. Bradshaw--a token of his +approbation. He smiled a little to himself as he thought of this +additional source of pleasure to Ruth. She, in the meantime, was +getting up to go home. While Jemima was lighting the bed-candle +at the lamp, Ruth came round to bid good-night. Mr. Bradshaw +could not allow her to remain till the morrow uncertain whether +he was satisfied or not. + +"Good-night, Mrs Denbigh," said he. "Good-night. Thank you. I am +obliged to you--I am exceedingly obliged to you." + +He laid emphasis on these words, for he was pleased to see Mr. +Farquhar step forward to help Jemima in her little office. + +Mr. Farquhar offered to accompany Ruth home; but the streets that +intervened between Mr. Bradshaw's and the Chapel-house were so +quiet that he desisted, when he learnt from Ruth's manner how +much she disliked his proposal. Mr. Bradshaw, too, instantly +observed-- + +"Oh! Mrs. Denbigh need not trouble you, Farquhar. I have servants +at liberty at any moment to attend on her, if she wishes it." + +In fact, he wanted to make hay while the sun shone, and to detain +Mr. Farquhar a little longer, now that Jemima was so gracious. +She went upstairs with Ruth to help her to put on her things. + +"Dear Jemima!" said Ruth, "I am so glad to see you looking better +to-night! You quite frightened me this morning, you looked so +ill." + +"Did I?" replied Jemima. "O Ruth! I have been so unhappy lately. +I want you to come and put me to rights," she continued, half +smiling. "You know I'm a sort of out-pupil of yours, though we +are so nearly of an age. You ought to lecture me, and make me +good." + +"Should I, dear?" said Ruth. "I don't think I'm the one to do +it." + +"Oh yes! you are--you've done me good to-night." + +"Well, if I can do anything for you, tell me what it is?" asked +Ruth tenderly. + +"Oh, not now--not now," replied Jemima. "I could not tell you +here. It's a long story, and I don't know that I can tell you at +all. Mamma might come up at any moment, and papa would be sure to +ask what we had been talking about so long." + +"Take your own time, love," said Ruth; "only remember, as far as +I can, how glad I am to help you." + +"You're too good, my darling!" said Jemima fondly. + +"Don't say so," replied Ruth earnestly, almost as if she were +afraid. "God knows I am not." + +"Well! we're none of us too good," answered Jemima; "I know that. +But you are very good. Nay, I won't call you so, if it makes you +look so miserable. But come away downstairs." + +With the fragrance of Ruth's sweetness lingering about her, +Jemima was her best self during the next half-hour. Mr. Bradshaw +was more and more pleased, and raised the price of the silk, +which he was going to give Ruth, sixpence a yard during the time. +Mr. Farquhar went home through the garden-way, happier than he +had been this long time. He even caught himself humming the old +refrain: + +"On revient, on revient toujours, A ses premiers amours." + +But as soon as he was aware of what he was doing, he cleared away +the remnants of the song into a cough, which was sonorous, if not +perfectly real. + + +CHAPTER XXI + + +MR. FARQUHAR'S ATTENTIONS TRANSFERRED + +The next morning, as Jemima and her mother sat at their work, it +came into the head of the former to remember her father's very +marked way of thanking Ruth the evening before. + +"What a favourite Mrs. Denbigh is with papa!" said she. "I am +sure I don't wonder at it. Did you notice, mamma, how he thanked +her for coming here last night?" + +"Yes, dear; but I don't think it was all----" Mrs. Bradshaw +stopped short. She was never certain if it was right or wrong to +say anything. + +"Not all what?" asked Jemima, when she saw her mother was not +going to finish the sentence. + +"Not all because Mrs. Denbigh came to tea here," replied Mrs. +Bradshaw. + +"Why, what else could he be thanking her for? What has she done?" +asked Jemima, stimulated to curiosity by her mother's hesitating +manner. + +"I don't know if I ought to tell you," said Mrs. Bradshaw. + +"Oh, very well!" said Jemima, rather annoyed. + +"Nay, dear! your papa never said I was not to tell; perhaps I +may." + +"Never mind; I don't want to hear," in a piqued tone. + +There was silence for a little while. Jemima was trying to think +of something else, but her thoughts would revert to the wonder +what Mrs. Denbigh could have done for her father. + +"I think I may tell you, though," said Mrs. Bradshaw, half +questioning. Jemima had the honour not to urge any confidence, +but she was too curious to take any active step towards +repressing it. + +Mrs. Bradshaw went on--"I think you deserve to know. It is partly +your doing that papa is so pleased with Mrs. Denbigh. He is going +to buy her a silk gown this morning, and I think you ought to +know why." + +"Why?" asked Jemima. + +"Because papa is so pleased to find that you mind what she says." + +"I mind what she says! To be sure I do, and always did. But why +should papa give her a gown for that? I think he ought to give it +me rather," said Jemima, half laughing. + +"I am sure he would, dear; he will give you one, I am certain, if +you want one. He was so pleased to see you like your old self to +Mr. Farquhar last night. We neither of us could think what had +come over you this last month; but now all seems right." + +A dark cloud came over Jemima's face. She did not like this close +observation and constant comment upon her manners; and what had +Ruth to do with it? + +"I am glad you were pleased," said she, very coldly. Then, after +a pause, she added, "But you have not told me what Mrs. Denbigh +had to do with my good behaviour." + +"Did not she speak to you about it?" asked Mrs. Bradshaw, looking +up. + +"No. Why should she? She has no right to criticise what I do. She +would not be so impertinent," said Jemima, feeling very +uncomfortable and suspicious. + +"Yes, love! she would have had a right, for papa had desired her +to do it." + +"Papa desired her! What do you mean, mamma?" + +"Oh dear! I dare say I should not have told you," said Mrs. +Bradshaw, perceiving, from Jemima's tone of voice, that something +had gone wrong. "Only you spoke as if it would be impertinent in +Mrs. Denbigh, and I am sure she would not do anything that was +impertinent. You know, it would be but right for her to do what +papa told her; and he said a great deal to her, the other day, +about finding out why you were so cross, and bringing you right. +And you are right now, dear!" said Mrs. Bradshaw soothingly, +thinking that Jemima was annoyed (like a good child) at the +recollection of how naughty she had been. + +"Then papa is going to give Mrs. Denbigh a gown because I was +civil to Mr. Farquhar last night?" + +"Yes, dear!" said Mrs. Bradshaw, more and more frightened at +Jemima's angry manner of speaking--low-toned, but very indignant. + +Jemima remembered, with smouldered anger, Ruth's pleading way of +wiling her from her sullenness the night before. Management +everywhere! but in this case it was peculiarly revolting; so much +so, that she could hardly bear to believe that the seemingly +transparent Ruth had lent herself to it. + +"Are you sure, mamma, that papa asked Mrs. Denbigh to make me +behave differently? It seems so strange." + +"I am quite sure. He spoke to her last Friday morning in the +study. I remember it was Friday, because Mrs. Dean was working +here." + +Jemima remembered now that she had gone into the schoolroom on +the Friday, and found her sisters lounging about, and wondering +what papa could possibly want with Mrs. Denbigh. + +After this conversation Jemima repulsed all Ruth's timid efforts +to ascertain the cause of her disturbance, and to help her if she +could. Ruth's tender, sympathising manner, as she saw Jemima +daily looking more wretched, was distasteful to the latter in the +highest degree. She could not say that Mrs. Denbigh's conduct was +positively wrong--it might even be quite right; but it was +inexpressibly repugnant to her to think of her father consulting +with a stranger (a week ago she almost considered Ruth as a +sister) how to manage his daughter, so as to obtain the end he +wished for; yes, even if that end was for her own good. + +She was thankful and glad to see a brown paper parcel lying on +the hall-table, with a note in Ruth's handwriting, addressed to +her father. She knew what it was, the grey silk dress. That she +was sure Ruth would never accept. No one henceforward could +induce Jemima to enter into conversation with Mr. Farquhar. She +suspected manoeuvring in the simplest actions, and was miserable +in this constant state of suspicion. She would not allow herself +to like Mr. Farquhar, even when he said things the most after her +own heart. She heard him, one evening, talking with her father +about the principles of trade. Her father stood out for the +keenest, sharpest work, consistent with honesty; if he had not +been her father, she would, perhaps, have thought some of his +sayings inconsistent with true Christian honesty. He was for +driving hard bargains, exacting interest and payment of just +bills to a day. That was (he said) the only way in which trade +could be conducted; once allow a margin of uncertainty, or where +feelings, instead of maxims, were to be the guide, and all hope +of there ever being any good men of business was ended. + +"Suppose a delay of a month in requiring payment might save a +man's credit--prevent his becoming a bankrupt?" put in Mr. +Farquhar. + +"I would not give it him. I would let him have money to set up +again as soon as he had passed the Bankruptcy Court; if he never +passed, I might, in some cases, make him an allowance; but I +would always keep my justice and my charity separate." + +"And yet charity (in your sense of the word) degrades; justice, +tempered with mercy and consideration, elevates." + +"That is not justice--justice is certain and inflexible. No! Mr. +Farquhar, you must not allow any Quixotic notions to mingle with +your conduct as a tradesman." + +And so they went on; Jemima's face glowing with sympathy in all +Mr. Farquhar said; till once, on looking up suddenly with +sparkling eyes, she saw a glance of her father's, which told her, +as plain as words can say, that he was watching the effect of Mr. +Farquhar's speeches upon his daughter. She was chilled +thenceforward; she thought her father prolonged the argument, in +order to call out those sentiments which he knew would most +recommend his partner to his daughter. She would so fain have let +herself love Mr. Farquhar; but this constant manoeuvring, in +which she did not feel clear that he did not take a passive part, +made her sick at heart. She even wished that they might not go +through the form of pretending to try to gain her consent to the +marriage, if it involved all this premeditated action and +speech-making--such moving about of every one into their right +places, like pieces at chess. She felt as if she would rather be +bought openly, like an Oriental daughter, where no one is +degraded in their own eyes by being parties to such a contract. +The consequences of all this "admirable management" of Mr. +Bradshaw's would have been very unfortunate to Mr. Farquhar (who +was innocent of all connivance in any of the plots--indeed would +have been as much annoyed at them as Jemima, had he been aware of +them), but that the impression made upon him by Ruth on the +evening I have so lately described was deepened by the contrast +which her behaviour made to Miss Bradshaw's on one or two more +recent occasions. + +There was no use, he thought, in continuing attentions so +evidently distasteful to Jemima. To her, a young girl hardly out +of the schoolroom; he probably appeared like an old man; and he +might even lose the friendship with which she used to regard him, +and which was, and ever would be, very dear to him, if he +persevered in trying to be considered as a lover. He should +always feel affectionately towards her; her very faults gave her +an interest in his eyes, for which he had blamed himself most +conscientiously and most uselessly when he was looking upon her +as his future wife, but which the said conscience would learn to +approve of when she sank down to the place of a young friend, +over whom he might exercise a good and salutary interest. Mrs. +Denbigh, if not many months older in years, had known sorrow and +cares so early that she was much older in character. Besides, her +shy reserve, and her quiet daily walk within the lines of duty, +were much in accordance with Mr. Farquhar's notion of what a wife +should be. Still, it was a wrench to take his affections away +from Jemima. If she had not helped him to do so by every means in +her power, he could never have accomplished it. + +Yes! by every means in her power had Jemima alienated her lover, +her beloved--for so he was in fact. And now her quick-sighted +eyes saw he was gone for ever--past recall: for did not her +jealous, sore heart feel, even before he himself was conscious of +the fact, that he was drawn towards sweet, lovely, composed, and +dignified Ruth--one who always thought before she spoke (as Mr. +Farquhar used to bid Jemima do)--who never was tempted by sudden +impulse, but walked the world calm and self-governed. What now +availed Jemima's reproaches, as she remembered the days when he +had watched her with earnest, attentive eyes, as he now watched +Ruth; and the times since, when, led astray by her morbid fancy, +she had turned away from all his advances! + +"It was only in March--last March, he called me 'dear Jemima.' +Ah! don't I remember it well? The pretty nosegay of greenhouse +flowers that he gave me in exchange for the wild daffodils--and +how he seemed to care for the flowers I gave him--and how he +looked at me, and thanked me--that is all gone and over now." + +Her sisters came in bright and glowing. + +"O Jemima, how nice and cool you are, sitting in this shady +room!" (she had felt it even chilly). "We have been such a long +walk! We are so tired. It is so hot." + +"Why did you go, then?" said she. + +"Oh! we wanted to go. We would not have stayed at home on any +account. It has been so pleasant," said Mary. + +"We've been to Scaurside Wood, to gather wild strawberries," said +Elizabeth. + +"Such a quantity! We've left a whole basketful in the dairy. Mr. +Farquhar says he'll teach us how to dress them in the way he +learnt in Germany, if we can get him some hock. Do you think papa +will let us have some?" + +"Was Mr. Farquhar with you?" asked Jemima, a dull light coming +into her eyes. + +"Yes; we told him this morning that mamma wanted us to take some +old linen to the lame man at Scaurside Farm, and that we meant to +coax Mrs. Denbigh to let us go into the wood and gather +strawberries," said Elizabeth. + +"I thought he would make some excuse and come," said the +quick-witted Mary, as eager and thoughtless an observer of one +love-affair as of another, and quite forgetting that, not many +weeks ago, she had fancied an attachment between him and Jemima. + +"Did you? I did not," replied Elizabeth. "At least I never +thought about it. I was quite startled when I heard his horse's +feet behind us on the road." + +"He said he was going to the farm, and could take our basket. Was +it not kind of him?" Jemima did not answer, so Mary continued-- + +"You know it's a great pull up to the farm, and we were so hot +already. The road was quite white and baked; it hurt my eyes +terribly. I was so glad when Mrs. Denbigh said we might turn into +the wood. The light was quite green there, the branches are so +thick overhead." + +"And there are whole beds of wild strawberries," said Elizabeth, +taking up the tale now Mary was out of breath. Mary fanned +herself with her bonnet, while Elizabeth went on-- + +"You know where the grey rock crops out, don't you, Jemima? Well, +there was a complete carpet of strawberry-runners. So pretty! And +we could hardly step without treading the little bright scarlet +berries under foot." + +"We did so wish for Leonard," put in Mary. + +"Yes! but Mrs. Denbigh gathered a great many for him. And Mr. +Farquhar gave her all his." + +"I thought you said he bad gone on to Dawson's farm," said +Jemima. + +"Oh yes! he just went up there; and then he left his horse there, +like a wise man, and came to us in the pretty, cool, green wood. +O Jemima! it was so pretty-little flecks of light coming down +here and there through the leaves, and quivering on the ground. +You must go with us to-morrow." + +"Yes," said Mary, "we're going again to-morrow. We could not +gather nearly all the strawberries." + +"And Leonard is to go too, to-morrow." + +"Yes! we thought of such a capital plan. That's to say, Mr. +Farquhar thought of it--we wanted to carry Leonard up the hill in +a king's cushion, but Mrs. Denbigh would not hear of it." + +"She said it would tire us so; and yet she wanted him to gather +strawberries!" + +"And so," interrupted Mary, for by this time the two girls were +almost speaking together, "Mr. Farquhar is to bring him up before +him on his horse." + +"You'll go with us, won't you, dear Jemima?" asked Elizabeth: "it +will be at----" + +"No! I can't go," said Jemima abruptly. "Don't ask me--I can't." + +The little girls were hushed into silence by her manner; for +whatever she might be to those above her in age and position, to +those below her Jemima was almost invariably gentle She felt that +they were wondering at her. + +"Go upstairs and take off your things. You know papa does not +like you to come into this room in the shoes in which you have +been out." + +She was glad to out her sisters short in the details which they +were so mercilessly inflicting--details which she must harden +herself to, before she could hear them quietly and unmoved. She +saw that she had lost her place as the first object in Mr. +Farquhar's eyes--a position she had hardly cared for while she +was secure in the enjoyment of it; but the charm of it now was +redoubled, in her acute sense of how she had forfeited it by her +own doing, and her own fault. For if he were the cold, +calculating man her father had believed him to be, and had +represented him as being to her, would he care for a portionless +widow in humble circumstances like Mrs. Denbigh--no money, no +connection, encumbered with her boy? The very action which proved +Mr. Farquhar to be lost to Jemima reinstated him on his throne in +her fancy. And she must go on in hushed quietness, quivering with +every fresh token of his preference for another? That other, too, +one so infinitely more worthy of him than herself; so that she +could not have even the poor comfort of thinking that he had no +discrimination, and was throwing himself away on a common or +worthless person. Ruth was beautiful, gentle, good, and +conscientious. The hot colour flushed up into Jemima's sallow +face as she became aware that, even while she acknowledged these +excellences on Mrs. Denbigh's part, she hated her. The +recollection of her marble face wearied her even to sickness; the +tones of her low voice were irritating from their very softness. +Her goodness, undoubted as it was, was more distasteful than many +faults which had more savour of human struggle in them. + +"What was this terrible demon in her heart?" asked Jemima's +better angel. "Was she, indeed, given up to possession? Was not +this the old stinging hatred which had prompted so many crimes? +The hatred of all sweet virtues which might win the love denied +to us? The old anger that wrought in the elder brother's heart, +till it ended in the murder of the gentle Abel, while yet the +world was young?" + +"O God! help me! I did not know I was so wicked," cried Jemima +aloud in her agony. It had been a terrible glimpse into the dark, +lurid gulf--the capability for evil, in her heart. She wrestled +with the demon, but he would not depart: it was to be a struggle +whether or not she was to be given up to him, in this her time of +sore temptation. + +All the next day long she sat and pictured the happy +strawberry-gathering going on, even then, in pleasant Scaurside +Wood. Every touch of fancy which could heighten her idea of their +enjoyment, and of Mr. Farquhar's attention to the blushing, +conscious Ruth--every such touch which would add a pang to her +self-reproach and keen jealousy, was added by her imagination. +She got up and walked about, to try and stop her over-busy fancy +by bodily exercise. But she had eaten little all day, and was +weak and faint in the intense heat of the sunny garden. Even the +long grass-walk under the filbert-hedge was parched and dry in +the glowing August sun. Yet her sisters found her there when they +returned, walking quickly up and down, as if to warm herself on +some winter's day. They were very weary; and not half so +communicative as on the day before, now that Jemima was craving +for every detail to add to her agony. + +"Yes! Leonard came up before Mr. Farquhar. Oh! how hot it is, +Jemima! Do sit down, and I'll tell you about it, but I can't if +you keep walking so." + +"I can't sit still to-day," said Jemima, springing up from the +turf as soon as she had sat down. "Tell me! I can hear you while +I walk about." + +"Oh! but I can't shout; I can hardly speak, I am so tired. Mr. +Farquhar brought Leonard----" + +"You've told me that before," said Jemima sharply. + +"Well, I don't know what else to tell. Somebody had been since +yesterday, and gathered nearly all the strawberries off the grey +rock. Jemima! Jemima!" said Elizabeth faintly, "I am so dizzy--I +think I am ill." + +The next minute the tired girl lay swooning on the grass. It was +an outlet for Jemima's fierce energy. With a strength she had +never again, and never had known before, she lifted up her +fainting sister, and, bidding Mary run and clear the way, she +carried her in through the open garden-door, up the wide +old-fashioned stairs, and laid her on the bed in her own room, +where the breeze from the window came softly and pleasantly +through the green shade of the vine-leaves and jessamine. + +"Give me the water. Run for mamma, Mary," said Jemima, as she saw +that the fainting-fit did not yield to the usual remedy of a +horizontal position and the water-sprinkling. + +"Dear! dear Lizzie!" said Jemima, kissing the pale, unconscious +face. "I think you loved me, darling." + +The long walk on the hot day had been too much for the delicate +Elizabeth, who was fast outgrowing her strength. It was many days +before she regained any portion of her spirit and vigour. After +that fainting-fit she lay listless and weary, without appetite or +interest, through the long sunny autumn weather, on the bed or on +the couch in Jemima's room, whither she had been carried at +first. It was a comfort to Mrs. Bradshaw to be able at once to +discover what it was that had knocked up Elizabeth; she did not +rest easily until she had settled upon a cause for every ailment +or illness in the family. It was a stern consolation to Mr. +Bradshaw, during his time of anxiety respecting his daughter, to +be able to blame somebody. He could not, like his wife, have +taken comfort from an inanimate fact; he wanted the satisfaction +of feeling that some one had been in fault, or else this never +could have happened. Poor Ruth did not need his implied +reproaches. When she saw her gentle Elizabeth lying feeble and +languid, her heart blamed her for thoughtlessness so severely as +to make her take all Mr. Bradshaw's words and hints as too light +censure for the careless way in which, to please her own child, +she had allowed her two pupils to fatigue themselves with such +long walks. She begged hard to take her share of nursing. Every +spare moment she went to Mr. Bradshaw's, and asked, with earnest +humility, to be allowed to pass them with Elizabeth; and, as it +was often a relief to have her assistance, Mrs. Bradshaw received +these entreaties very kindly, and desired her to go upstairs, +where Elizabeth's pale countenance brightened when she saw her, +but where Jemima sat in silent annoyance that her own room was +now become open ground for one, whom her heart rose up against, +to enter in and be welcomed. Whether it was that Ruth, who was +not an inmate of the house, brought with her a fresher air, more +change of thought to the invalid, I do not know, but Elizabeth +always gave her a peculiarly tender greeting; and if she had sunk +down into languid fatigue, in spite of all Jemima's endeavours to +interest her, she roused up into animation when Ruth came in with +a flower, a book, or a brown and ruddy pear, sending out the warm +fragrance it retained from the sunny garden-wall at Chapel-house. + +The jealous dislike which Jemima was allowing to grow up in her +heart against Ruth was, as she thought, never shown in word or +deed. She was cold in manner, because she could not be +hypocritical; but her words were polite and kind in purport; and +she took pains to make her actions the same as formerly. But rule +and line may measure out the figure of a man; it is the soul that +gives it life; and there was no soul, no inner meaning, breathing +out in Jemima's actions. Ruth felt the change acutely. She +suffered from it some time before she ventured to ask what had +occasioned it. One day she took Miss Bradshaw by surprise, when +they were alone together for a few minutes, by asking her if she +had vexed her in any way, she was so changed. It is sad when +friendship has cooled so far as to render such a question +necessary. Jemima went rather paler than usual, and then made +answer-- + +"Changed! How do you mean? How am I changed? What do I say or do +different from what I used to do?" + +But the tone was so constrained and cold, that Ruth's heart sank +within her. She knew now, as well as words could have told her, +that not only had the old feeling of love passed away from +Jemima, but that it had gone unregretted, and no attempt had been +made to recall it. Love was very precious to Ruth now, as of old +time. It was one of the faults of her nature to be ready to make +any sacrifices for those who loved her, and to value affection +almost above its price. She had yet to learn the lesson, that it +is more blessed to love than to be beloved; and, lonely as the +impressible years of her youth had been--without parents, without +brother or sister--it was, perhaps, no wonder that she clung +tenaciously to every symptom of regard, and could not relinquish +the love of any one without a pang. + +The doctor who was called in to Elizabeth prescribed sea-air as +the best means of recruiting her strength. Mr. Bradshaw (who +liked to spend money ostentatiously) went down straight to +Abermouth, and engaged a house for the remainder of the autumn; +for, as he told the medical man, money was no object to him in +comparison with his children's health; and the doctor cared too +little about the mode in which his remedy was administered to +tell Mr. Bradshaw that lodgings would have done as well, or +better, than the complete house he had seen fit to take. For it +was now necessary to engage servants, and take much trouble, +which might have been obviated, and Elizabeth's removal effected +more quietly and speedily, if she had gone into lodgings. As it +was, she was weary of hearing all the planning and talking, and +deciding, and undeciding, and redeciding, before it was possible +for her to go. Her only comfort was in the thought that dear Mrs. +Denbigh was to go with her. + +It had not been entirely by way of pompously spending his money +that Mr. Bradshaw had engaged this seaside house. He was glad to +get his little girls and their governess out of the way; for a +busy time was impending, when he should want his head clear for +electioneering purposes, and his house clear for electioneering +hospitality. He was the mover of a project for bringing forward a +man on the Liberal and Dissenting interest, to contest the +election with the old Tory member, who had on several successive +occasions walked over the course, as he and his family owned half +the town, and votes and rent were paid alike to the landlord. + +Kings of Eccleston had Mr. Cranworth and his ancestors been this +many a long year; their right was so little disputed that they +never thought of acknowledging the allegiance so readily paid to +them. The old feudal feeling between land-owner and tenant did +not quake prophetically at the introduction of manufactures; the +Cranworth family ignored the growing power of the manufacturers, +more especially as the principal person engaged in the trade was +a Dissenter. But notwithstanding this lack of patronage from the +one great family in the neighbourhood, the business flourished, +increased, and spread wide; and the Dissenting head thereof +looked around, about the time of which I speak, and felt himself +powerful enough to defy the great Cranworth interest even in +their hereditary stronghold, and, by so doing, avenge the slights +of many years--slights which rankled in Mr. Bradshaw's mind as +much as if he did not go to chapel twice every Sunday, and pay +the largest pew-rent of any member of Mr. Benson's congregation. + +Accordingly, Mr. Bradshaw had applied to one of the Liberal +parliamentary agents in London--a man whose only principle was to +do wrong on the Liberal side; he would not act, right or wrong, +for a Tory, but for a Whig the latitude of his conscience had +never yet been discovered. It was possible Mr. Bradshaw was not +aware of the character of this agent; at any rate, he knew he was +the man for his purpose, which was to hear of some one who would +come forward as a candidate for the representation of Eccleston +on the Dissenting interest. + +"There are in round numbers about six hundred voters," said he; +"two hundred are decidedly in the Cranworth interest--dare not +offend Mr. Cranworth, poor souls! Two hundred more we may +calculate upon as pretty certain--factory hands, or people +connected with our trade in some way or another--who are +indignant at the stubborn way in which Cranworth has contested +the right of water; two hundred are doubtful." + +"Don't much care either way," said the parliamentary agent. "Of +course, we must make them care." + +Mr. Bradshaw rather shrank from the knowing look with which this +was said. He hoped that Mr. Pilson did not mean to allude to +bribery; but he did not express this hope, because he thought it +would deter the agent from using this means, and it was possible +it might prove to be the only way. And if he (Mr. Bradshaw) once +embarked on such an enterprise, there must be no failure. By some +expedient or another, success must be certain, or he could have +nothing to do with it. The parliamentary agent was well +accustomed to deal with all kinds and shades of scruples. He was +most at home with men who had none; but still he could allow for +human weakness; and he perfectly understood Mr. Bradshaw. + +"I have a notion I know of a man who will just suit your purpose. +Plenty of money--does not know what to do with it, in fact--tired +of yachting, travelling; wants something new. I heard, through +some of the means of intelligence I employ, that not very long +ago he was wishing for a seat in Parliament." + +"A Liberal?" said Mr. Bradshaw. + +"Decidedly. Belongs to a family who were in the Long parliament +in their day." Mr. Bradshaw rubbed his hands. + +"Dissenter?" asked he. + +"No, no! Not so far as that. But very lax Church." + +"What is his name?" asked Mr. Bradshaw eagerly. + +"Excuse me. Until I am certain that he would like to come forward +for Eccleston, I think I had better not mention his name." + +The anonymous gentleman did like to come forward, and his name +proved to be Donne. He and Mr. Bradshaw had been in +correspondence during all the time of Mr. Ralph Cranworth's +illness; and when he died, everything was arranged ready for a +start, even before the Cranworths had determined who should keep +the seat warm till the eldest son came of age, for the father was +already member for the county. Mr. Donne was to come down to +canvass in person, and was to take up his abode at Mr. +Bradshaw's; and therefore it was that the seaside house, within +twenty miles' distance of Eccleston, was found to be so +convenient as an infirmary and nursery for those members of his +family who were likely to be useless, if not positive +encumbrances, during the forthcoming election. + + +CHAPTER XXII + + +THE LIBERAL CANDIDATE AND HIS PRECURSOR + +Jemima did not know whether she wished to go to Abermouth or not. +She longed for change. She wearied of the sights and sounds of +home. But yet she could not bear to leave the neighbourhood of +Mr. Farquhar; especially as, if she went to Abermouth, Ruth would +in all probability be left to take her holiday at home. When Mr. +Bradshaw decided that she was to go, Ruth tried to feel glad that +he gave her the means of repairing her fault towards Elizabeth; +and she resolved to watch over the two girls most faithfully and +carefully, and to do all in her power to restore the invalid to +health. But a tremor came over her whenever she thought of +leaving Leonard; she had never quitted him for a day, and it +seemed to her as if her brooding, constant care was his natural +and necessary shelter from all evils--from very death itself. She +would not go to sleep at nights, in order to enjoy the blessed +consciousness of having him near her; when she was away from him +teaching her pupils, she kept trying to remember his face, and +print it deep on her heart, against the time when days and days +would elapse without her seeing that little darling countenance. +Miss Benson would wonder to her brother that Mr. Bradshaw did not +propose that Leonard should accompany his mother; he only begged +her not to put such an idea into Ruth's head, as he was sure Mr. +Bradshaw had no thoughts of doing any such thing, yet to Ruth it +might be a hope, and then a disappointment. His sister scolded +him for being so cold-hearted; but he was full of sympathy, +although he did not express it, and made some quiet little +sacrifices in order to set himself at liberty to take Leonard a +long walking expedition on the day when his mother left +Eccleston. Ruth cried until she could cry no longer, and felt +very much ashamed of herself as she saw the grave and wondering +looks of her pupils, whose only feeling on leaving home was +delight at the idea of Abermouth, and into whose minds the +possibility of death to any of their beloved ones never entered. +Ruth dried her eyes, and spoke cheerfully as soon as she caught +the perplexed expression of their faces; and by the time they +arrived at Abermouth she was as much delighted with all the new +scenery as they were, and found it hard work to resist their +entreaties to go rambling out on the sea-shore at once; but +Elizabeth had undergone more fatigue that day than she had had +before for many weeks, and Ruth was determined to be prudent. + +Meanwhile, the Bradshaws' house at Eccleston was being rapidly +adapted for electioneering hospitality. The partition-wall +between the unused drawing-room and the schoolroom was broken +down, in order to admit of folding-doors; the "ingenious" +upholsterer of the town (and what town does not boast of the +upholsterer full of contrivances and resources, in opposition to +the upholsterer of steady capital and no imagination, who looks +down with uneasy contempt on ingenuity?) had come in to give his +opinion, that "nothing could be easier than to convert a bathroom +into a bedroom, by the assistance of a little drapery to conceal +the shower-bath," the string of which was to be carefully +concealed, for fear that the unconscious occupier of the bath-bed +might innocently take it for a bell-rope. The professional cook +of the town had been already engaged to take up her abode for a +month at Mr. Bradshaw's, much to the indignation of Betsy, who +became a vehement partisan of Mr. Cranworth, as soon as ever she +heard of the plan of her deposition from sovereign authority in +the kitchen, in which she had reigned supreme for fourteen years. +Mrs. Bradshaw sighed and bemoaned herself in all her leisure +moments, which were not many, and wondered why their house was to +be turned into an inn for this Mr. Donne, when everybody knew +that the "George" was good enough for the Cranworths, who never +thought of asking the electors to the Hall;--and they had lived +at Cranworth ever since Julius Caesar's time, and if that was not +being an old family, she did not know what was. The excitement +soothed Jemima. There was something to do. It was she who planned +with the upholsterer; it was she who soothed Betsy into angry +silence; it was she who persuaded her mother to lie down and +rest, while she herself went out to buy the heterogeneous things +required to make the family and house presentable to Mr. Donne +and his precursor--the friend of the parliamentary agent. This +latter gentleman never appeared himself on the scene of action, +but pulled all the strings notwithstanding. The friend was a Mr. +Hickson, a lawyer--a briefless barrister, some people called him; +but he himself professed a great disgust to the law, as a "great +sham," which involved an immensity of underhand action, and +truckling, and time-serving, and was perfectly encumbered by +useless forms and ceremonies, and dead obsolete words. So, +instead of putting his shoulder to the wheel to reform the law, +he talked eloquently against it, in such a high-priest style, +that it was occasionally a matter of surprise how ho could ever +have made a friend of the parliamentary agent before mentioned. +But, as Mr. Hickson himself said, it was the very corruptness of +the law which he was fighting against, in doing all he could to +effect the return of certain members to Parliament; these certain +members being pledged to effect a reform in the law, according to +Mr. Hickson. And, as he once observed confidentially, "If you had +to destroy a hydra-headed monster, would you measure swords with +the demon as if he were a gentleman? Would you not rather seize +the first weapon that came to hand? And so do I. My great object +in life, sir, is to reform the law of England, sir. Once get a +majority of Liberal members into the House, and the thing is +done. And I consider myself justified, for so high--for, I may +say, so holy--an end, in using men's weaknesses to work out my +purpose. Of course, if men were angels, or even immaculate--men +invulnerable to bribes, we would not bribe." + +"Could you?" asked Jemima, for the conversation took place at Mr. +Bradshaw's dinner-table, where a few friends were gathered +together to meet Mr. Hickson; and among them was Mr. Benson. + +"We neither would nor could," said the ardent barrister, +disregarding in his vehemence the point of the question, and +floating on over the bar of argument into the wide ocean of his +own eloquence: "As it is--as the world stands, they who would +succeed even in good deeds must come down to the level of +expediency; and therefore, I say once more, if Mr. Donne is the +man for your purpose, and your purpose is a good one, a lofty +one, a holy one" (for Mr. Hickson remembered the Dissenting +character of his little audience, and privately considered the +introduction of the word "holy" a most happy hit), "then, I say, +we must put all the squeamish scruples which might befit Utopia, +or some such place, on one side and treat men as they are. If +they are avaricious, it is not we who have made them so; but as +we have to do with them, we must consider their failings in +dealing with them; if they have been careless or extravagant, or +have had their little peccadilloes, we must administer the screw. +The glorious reform of the law will justify, in my idea, all +means to obtain the end--that law, from the profession of which I +have withdrawn myself from perhaps a too scrupulous conscience!" +he concluded softly to himself. + +"We are not to do evil that good my come," said Mr. Benson. He +was startled at the deep sound of his own voice as he uttered +these words; but he had not been speaking for some time, and his +voice came forth strong and unmodulated. + +"True, sir; most true," said Mr. Hickson, bowing. "I honour you +for the observation." And he profited by it, insomuch that he +confined his further remarks on elections to the end of the +table, where he sat near Mr. Bradshaw, and one or two equally +eager, though not equally influential, partisans of Mr. Donne's. +Meanwhile Mr. Farquhar took up Mr. Benson's quotation, at the end +where he and Jemima sat near to Mrs. Bradshaw and him. + +"But in the present state of the world, as Mr. Hickson says, it +is rather difficult to act upon that precept." + +"Oh, Mr. Farquhar!" said Jemima indignantly, the tears springing +to her eyes with a feeling of disappointment. For she had been +chafing under all that Mr. Hickson had been saying, perhaps the +more for one or two attempts on his part at flirtation with the +daughter of his wealthy host, which she resented with all the +loathing of a preoccupied heart; and she had longed to be a man, +to speak out her wrath at this paltering with right and wrong. +She had felt grateful to Mr. Benson for his one clear, short +precept, coming down with a divine' force against which there was +no appeal; and now to have Mr. Farquhar taking the side of +expediency! It was too bad. + +"Nay, Jemima!" said Mr. Farquhar, touched, and secretly flattered +by the visible pain his speech bad given. "Don't be indignant +with me till I have explained myself a little more. I don't +understand myself yet; and it is a very intricate question, or so +it appears to me, which I was going to put, really, earnestly, +and humbly, for Mr. Benson's opinion. Now, Mr. Benson, may I ask +if you always find it practicable to act strictly in accordance +with that principle? For if you do not, I am sure no man living +can. Are there not occasions when it is absolutely necessary to +wade through evil to good? I am not speaking in the careless, +presumptuous way of that man yonder," said he, lowering his +voice, and addressing himself to Jemima more exclusively; "I am +really anxious to hear what Mr. Benson will say on the subject, +for I know no one to whose candid opinion I should attach more +weight." + +But Mr. Benson was silent. He did not see Mrs. Bradshaw and +Jemima leave the room. He was really, as Mr. Farquhar supposed +him, completely absent, questioning himself as to how far his +practice tallied with his principle. By degrees he came to +himself; he found the conversation still turned on the election; +and Mr. Hickson, who felt that he had jarred against the little +minister's principles, and yet knew, from the carte du pays which +the scouts of the parliamentary agent had given him, that Mr. +Benson was a person to be conciliated, on account of his +influence over many of the working-people, began to ask him +questions with an air of deferring to superior knowledge, that +almost surprised Mr. Bradshaw, who had been accustomed to treat +"Benson" in a very different fashion, of civil condescending +indulgence, just as one listens to a child who can have had no +opportunities of knowing better. + +At the end of a conversation that Mr. Hickson held with Mr. +Benson, on a subject in which the latter was really interested, +and on which he had expressed himself at some length, the young +barrister turned to Mr. Bradshaw and said very audibly-- + +"I wish Donne had been here. This conversation during the last +half-hour would have interested him almost as much as it has done +me." + +Mr. Bradshaw little guessed the truth, that Mr. Donne was, at +that very moment, coaching up the various subjects of public +interest at Eccleston, and privately cursing the particular +subject on which Mr. Benson had been holding forth, as being an +unintelligible piece of Quixotism; or the leading Dissenter of +the town need not have experienced a pang of jealousy at the +possible future admiration his minister might excite in the +possible future member for Eccleston. And if Mr. Benson had been +clairvoyant, he need not have made an especial subject of +gratitude out of the likelihood that he might have an opportunity +of so far interesting Mr. Donne in the condition of the people of +Eccleston as to induce him to set his face against any attempts +at bribery. + +Mr. Benson thought of this half the night through; and ended by +determining to write a sermon on the Christian view of political +duties, which might be good for all, both electors and member, to +hear on the eve of an election. For Mr. Donne was expected at Mr. +Bradshaw's before the next Sunday; and, of course, as Mr. and +Miss Benson had settled it, he would appear at the chapel with +them on that day. But the stinging conscience refused to be +quieted. No present plan of usefulness allayed the aching +remembrance of the evil he had done that good might come. Not +even the look of Leonard, as the early dawn fell on him, and Mr. +Benson's sleepless eyes saw the rosy glow on his firm, round +cheeks; his open mouth, through which the soft, long-drawn breath +came gently quivering; and his eyes not fully shut, but closed to +outward sight--not even the aspect of the quiet, innocent child +could soothe the troubled spirit. + +Leonard and his mother dreamt of each other that night. Her dream +of him was one of undefined terror--terror so great that it +wakened her up, and she strove not to sleep again, for fear that +ominous, ghastly dream should return. He, on the contrary, dreamt +of her sitting watching and smiling by his bedside, as her gentle +self had been many a morning; and when she saw him awake (so it +fell out in the dream), she smiled still more sweetly, and +bending down she kissed him, and then spread out large, soft, +white-feathered wings (which in no way surprised her child--he +seemed to have known they were there all along), and sailed away +through the open window far into the blue sky of a summer's day. +Leonard wakened up then, and remembered how far away she really +was--far more distant and inaccessible than the beautiful blue +sky to which she had betaken herself in his dream--and cried +himself to sleep again. + +In spite of her absence from her child, which made one great and +abiding sorrow, Ruth enjoyed her seaside visit exceedingly. In +the first place, there was the delight of seeing Elizabeth's +daily and almost hourly improvement. Then, at the doctor's +express orders, there were so few lessons to be done, that there +was time for the long exploring rambles, which all three +delighted in. And when the rain came on and the storms blew, the +house, with its wild sea-views, was equally delightful. + +It was a large house, built on the summit of a rock, which nearly +overhung the shore below; there was, to be sure, a series of +zig-zag tacking paths down the face of this rock, but from the +house they could not he seen. Old or delicate people would have +considered the situation bleak and exposed; indeed, the present +proprietor wanted to dispose of it on this very account; but by +its present inhabitants this exposure and bleakness were called +by other names, and considered as charms. From every part of the +rooms they saw the grey storms gather on the sea-horizon, and put +themselves in marching array; and soon the march became a sweep, +and the great dome of the heavens was covered with the lurid +clouds, between which and the vivid green earth below there +seemed to come a purple atmosphere, making the very threatening +beautiful; and by-and-by the house was wrapped in sheets of rain, +shutting out sky, and sea, and inland view; till, of a sudden, +the storm was gone by, and the heavy rain-drops, glistened in the +sun as they hung on leaf and grass, and the "little birds sang +east, and the little birds sang west," and there was a pleasant +sound of running waters all abroad. + +"Oh! if papa would but buy this house!" exclaimed Elizabeth, +after one such storm, which she had watched silently from the +very beginning of the "little cloud no bigger than a man's hand." + +"Mamma would never like it, I am afraid," said Mary. "She would +call our delicious gushes of air draughts, and think we should +catch cold." + +"Jemima would be on our side. But how long Mrs. Denbigh is! I +hope she was near enough to the post-office when the rain came +on!" + +Ruth had gone to "the shop" in the little village, about +half-a-mile distant, where all letters were left till fetched. +She only expected one, but that one was to tell her of Leonard. +She, however, received two; the unexpected one was from Mr. +Bradshaw, and the news it contained was, if possible, a greater +surprise than the letter itself. Mr. Bradshaw informed her that +he planned arriving by dinner-time the following Saturday at +Eagle's Crag; and more, that he intended bringing Mr. Donne and +one or two other gentlemen with him, to spend the Sunday there! +The letter went on to give every possible direction regarding the +household preparations. The dinner-hour was fixed to be at six; +but, of course, Ruth and the girls would have dined long before. +The (professional) cook would arrive the day before, laden with +all the provisions that could not be obtained on the spot. Ruth +was to engage a waiter from the inn, and this it was that +detained her so long. While she sat in the little parlour, +awaiting the coming of the landlady, she could not help wondering +why Mr. Bradshaw was bringing this strange gentleman to spend two +days at Abermouth, and thus giving himself so much trouble and +fuss of preparation. + +There were so many small reasons that went to make up the large +one which had convinced Mr. Bradshaw of the desirableness of this +step, that it was not likely that Ruth should guess at one-half +of them. In the first place, Miss Benson, in the pride and +fulness of her heart, had told Mrs. Bradshaw what her brother had +told her; how he meant to preach upon the Christian view of the +duties involved in political rights; and as, of course, Mrs. +Bradshaw had told Mr. Bradshaw, he began to dislike the idea of +attending chapel on that Sunday at all; for he had an +uncomfortable idea that by the Christian standard--that divine +test of the true and pure--bribery would not be altogether +approved of; and yet he was tacitly coming round to the +understanding that "packets" would be required, for what purpose +both he and Mr. Donne were to be supposed to remain ignorant. But +it would be very awkward, so near to the time, if he were to be +clearly convinced that bribery, however disguised by names and +words, was in plain terms a sin. And yet he knew Mr. Benson had +once or twice convinced him against his will of certain things, +which he had thenceforward found it impossible to do, without +such great uneasiness of mind, that he had left off doing them, +which was sadly against his interest. And if Mr. Donne (whom he +had intended to take with him to chapel, as fair Dissenting prey) +should also become convinced, why, the Cranworths would win the +day, and he should be the laughing-stock of Eccleston. No! in +this one case bribery must be allowed--was allowable; but it was +a great pity human nature was so corrupt, and if his member +succeeded, he would double his subscription to the schools, in +order that the next generation might be taught better. There were +various other reasons, which strengthened Mr. Bradshaw in the +bright idea of going down to Abermouth for the Sunday; some +connected with the out-of-door politics, and some with the +domestic. For instance, it had been the plan of the house to have +a cold dinner on the Sunday--Mr. Bradshaw had piqued himself on +this strictness--and yet he had an instinctive feeling that Mr. +Donne was not quite the man to partake of cold meat for +conscience sake with cheerful indifference to his fare. + +Mr. Donne had, in fact, taken the Bradshaw household a little by +surprise. Before he came, Mr. Bradshaw had pleased himself with +thinking that more unlikely things had happened than the espousal +of his daughter with the member of a small borough. But this +pretty airy bubble burst as soon as he saw Mr. Donne; and its +very existence was forgotten in less than half-an-hour, when he +felt the quiet but incontestable difference of rank and standard +that there was, in every respect, between his guest and his own +family. It was not through any circumstance so palpable, and +possibly accidental, as the bringing down a servant, whom Mr. +Donne seemed to consider as much a matter of course as a +carpet-bag (though the smart gentleman's arrival "fluttered the +Volscians in Corioli" considerably more than his gentle-spoken +master's). It was nothing like this; it was something +indescribable--a quiet being at ease, and expecting every one +else to be so--an attention to women, which was so habitual as to +be unconsciously exercised to those subordinate persons in Mr. +Bradshaw's family--a happy choice of simple and expressive words, +some of which it must be confessed were slang, but fashionable +slang, and that makes all the difference--a measured, graceful +way of utterance, with a style of pronunciation quite different +to that of Eccleston. All these put together make but a part of +the indescribable whole which unconsciously affected Mr. +Bradshaw, and established Mr. Donne in his estimation as a +creature quite different to any he had seen before, and as most +unfit to mate with Jemima. Mr. Hickson, who had appeared as a +model of gentlemanly ease before Mr. Donne's arrival, now became +vulgar and coarse in Bradshaw's eyes. And yet, such was the charm +of that languid, high-bred manner, that Mr. Bradshaw "cottoned" +(as he expressed it to Mr. Farquhar) to his new candidate at +once. He was only afraid lest Mr. Donne was too indifferent to +all things under the sun to care whether he gained or lost the +election; but he was reassured after the first conversation they +had together on the subject. Mr. Donne's eye lightened with an +eagerness that was almost fierce, though his tones were as +musical, and nearly as slow, as ever; and, when Mr. Bradshaw +alluded distantly to "probable expenses" and "packets," Mr. Donne +replied-- + +"Oh, of course! disagreeable necessity! Better speak as little +about such things as possible; other people can be found to +arrange all the dirty work. Neither you nor I would like to soil +our fingers by it, I am sure. Four thousand pounds are in Mr. +Pilson's hands, and I shall never inquire what becomes of them; +they may, very probably, be absorbed in the law expenses, you +know. I shall let it be clearly understood from the hustings that +I most decidedly disapprove of bribery, and leave the rest to +Hickson's management. He is accustomed to these sort of things; I +am not." + +Mr. Bradshaw was rather perplexed by this want of bustling energy +on the part of the new candidate; and if it had not been for the +four thousand pounds aforesaid, would have doubted whether Mr. +Donne cared sufficiently for the result of the election. Jemima +thought differently. She watched her father's visitor +attentively, with something like the curious observation which a +naturalist bestows on a new species of animal. + +"Do you know what Mr. Donne reminds me of, mamma?" said she, one +day, as the two sat at work, while the gentlemen were absent +canvassing. + +"No! he is not like anybody I ever saw. He quite frightens me, by +being so ready to open the door for me if I am going out of the +room, and by giving me a chair when I come in. I never saw any +one like him. Who is it, Jemima?" + +"Not any person--not any human being, mamma," said Jemima, half +smiling. "Do you remember our stopping at Wakefield once, on our +way to Scarborough, and there were horse-races going on +somewhere, and some of the racers were in the stables at the inn +where we dined?" + +"Yes! I remember it; but what about that?" + +"Why, Richard, somehow, knew one of the jockeys, and, as we were +coming in from our ramble through the town, this man, or boy, +asked us to look at one of the racers he had the charge of." + +"Well, my dear?" + +"Well, mamma! Mr. Donne is like that horse!" + +"Nonsense, Jemima; you must not say so. I don't know what your +father would say if he heard you likening Mr. Donne to a brute." + +"Brutes are sometimes very beautiful, mamma. I am sure I should +think it a compliment to be likened to a racehorse, such as the +one we saw. But the thing in which they are alike, is the sort of +repressed eagerness in both." + +"Eager! Why, I should say there never was any one cooler than Mr. +Donne. Think of the trouble your papa has had this month past, +and then remember the slow way in which Mr. Donne moves when he +is going out to canvass, and the low, drawling voice in which he +questions the people who bring him intelligence. I can see your +papa standing by, ready to shake them to get out their news." + +"But Mr. Donne's questions are always to the point, and force out +the grain without the chaff. And look at him, if any one tells +him ill news about the election! Have you never seen a dull red +light come into his eyes? That is like my race-horse. Her flesh +quivered all over, at certain sounds and noises which had some +meaning to her; but she stood quite still, pretty creature! Now, +Mr. Donne is just as eager as she was, though he may be too proud +to show it. Though he seems so gentle, I almost think he is very +headstrong in following out his own will." + +"Well! don't call him like a horse again, for I am sure papa +would not like it. Do you know, I thought you were going to say +he was like little Leonard, when you asked me who he was like." + +"Leonard! O mamma! he is not in the least like Leonard. He is +twenty times more like my race-horse." + +"Now, my dear Jemima, do be quiet. Your father thinks racing so +wrong, that I am sure he would be very seriously displeased if he +were to hear you." + +To return to Mr. Bradshaw, and to give one more of his various +reasons for wishing to take Mr. Donne to Abermouth. The wealthy +Eccleston manufacturer was uncomfortably impressed with an +indefinable sense of inferiority to his visitor. It was not in +education, for Mr. Bradshaw was a well-educated man; it was not +in power, for, if he chose, the present object of Mr. Donne's +life might be utterly defeated; it did not arise from anything +overbearing in manner, for Mr. Donne was habitually polite and +courteous, and was just now anxious to propitiate his host, whom +he looked upon as a very useful man. Whatever this sense of +inferiority arose from, Mr. Bradshaw was anxious to relieve +himself from it, and imagined that if he could make more display +of his wealth his object would be obtained. Now, his house in +Eccleston was old-fashioned and ill-calculated to exhibit money's +worth. His mode of living, though strained to a high pitch just +at this time, he became aware was no more than Mr. Donne was +accustomed to every day of his life. The first day at dessert, +some remark (some opportune remark, as Mr. Bradshaw, in his +innocence, had thought) was made regarding the price of +pine-apples, which was rather exorbitant that year, and Mr. Donne +asked Mrs. Bradshaw, with quiet surprise, if they had no pinery, +as if to be without a pinery were indeed a depth of pitiable +destitution. In fact, Mr. Donne had been born and cradled in all +that wealth could purchase, and so had his ancestors before him +for so many generations, that refinement and luxury seemed the +natural condition of man, and they that dwelt without were in the +position of monsters. The absence was noticed; but not the +presence. + +Now, Mr. Bradshaw knew that the house and grounds of Eagle's Crag +wore exorbitantly dear, and yet he really thought of purchasing +them. And as one means of exhibiting his wealth, and so raising +himself up to the level of Mr. Donne, he thought that if he could +take the latter down to Abermouth, and show him the place for +which, "because his little girls had taken a fancy to it," he was +willing to give the fancy price of fourteen thousand pounds, he +should at last make those half-shut dreamy eyes open wide, and +their owner confess that, in wealth at least, the Eccleston +manufacturer stood on a par with him. All these mingled motives +caused the determination which made Ruth sit in the little inn +parlour of Abermouth during the wild storm's passage. + +She wondered if she had fulfilled all Mr. Bradshaw's directions. +She looked at the letter. Yes! everything was done. And now home +with her news, through the wet lane, where the little pools by +the roadside reflected the deep blue sky and the round white +clouds with even deeper blue and clearer white; and the +rain-drops hung so thick on the trees, that even a little bird's +flight was enough to shake them down in a bright shower as of +rain. When she told the news, Mary exclaimed-- + +"Oh, how charming! Then we shall see this new member after all!" +while Elizabeth added-- + +"Yes! I shall like to do that. But where must we be? Papa will +want the dining-room and this room, and where must we sit?" + +"Oh!" said Ruth, "in the dressing-room next to my room. All that +your papa wants always, is that you are quiet and out of the +way." + + +CHAPTER XXIII + + +RECOGNITION + +Saturday came. Torn, ragged clouds were driven across the sky. It +was not a becoming day for the scenery, and the little girls +regretted it much. First they hoped for a change at twelve +o'clock, and then at the afternoon tide-turning. But at neither +time did the sun show his face. + +"Papa will never buy this dear place," said Elizabeth sadly, as +she watched the weather. "The sun is everything to it. The sea +looks quite leaden to-day, and there is no sparkle on it. And the +sands, that were so yellow and sun-speckled on Thursday, are all +one dull brown now." + +"Never mind! to-morrow may be better," said Ruth cheerily. + +"I wonder what time they will come at?" inquired Mary. + +"Your papa said they would be at the station at five, o'clock. +And the landlady at the 'Swan' said it would take them +half-an-hour to get here." + +"And they are to dine at six?" asked Elizabeth. + +"Yes," answered Ruth. "And I think, if we had our tea +half-an-hour earlier, at half-past four, and then went out for a +walk, we should be nicely out of the way just during the bustle +of the arrival and dinner; and we could be in the drawing-room +ready against your papa came in after dinner." + +"Oh! that would be nice," said they; and tea was ordered +accordingly. + +The south-westerly wind had dropped, and the clouds were +stationary, when they went out on the sands. They dug little +holes near the incoming tide, and made canals to them from the +water, and blew the light sea-foam against each other; and then +stole on tiptoe near to the groups of grey and white sea-gulls, +which despised their caution, flying softly and slowly away to a +little distance as soon as they drew near. And in all this Ruth +was as great a child as any. Only she longed for Leonard with a +mother's longing, as indeed she did every day, and all hours of +the day. By-and-by the clouds thickened yet more, and one or two +drops of rain were felt. It was very little, but Ruth feared a +shower for her delicate Elizabeth, and besides, the September +evening was fast closing in the dark and sunless day. As they +turned homewards in the rapidly increasing dusk, they saw three +figures on the sand near the rocks, coming in their direction. + +"Papa and Mr. Donne!" exclaimed Mary. "Now we shall see him!" + +"Which do you make out is him?" asked Elizabeth. + +"Oh! the tall one, to be sure. Don't you see how papa always +turns to him, as if he was speaking to him, and not to the +other?" + +"Who is the other?" asked Elizabeth. + +"Mr. Bradshaw said that Mr. Farquhar and Mr. Hickson would come +with him. But that is not Mr. Farquhar, I am sure," said Ruth. + +The girls looked at each other, as they always did, when Ruth +mentioned Mr. Farquhar's name; but she was perfectly unconscious +both of the look and of the conjectures which gave rise to it. + +As soon as the two parties drew near, Mr. Bradshaw called out in +his strong voice-- + +"Well, my dears! we found there was an hour before dinner, so we +came down upon the sands, and here you are." + +The tone of his voice assured them that he was in a bland and +indulgent mood, and the two little girls ran towards him. He +kissed them, and shook hands with Ruth; told his companions that +these were the little girls who were tempting him to this +extravagance of purchasing Eagle's Crag; and then, rather +doubtfully, and because he saw that Mr. Donne expected it, he +introduced "My daughters' governess, Mrs. Denbigh." + +It was growing darker every moment, and it was time they should +hasten back to the rocks, which were even now indistinct in the +grey haze. Mr. Bradshaw held a hand of each of his daughters, and +Ruth walked alongside, the two strange gentlemen being on the +outskirts of the party. + +Mr. Bradshaw began to give his little girls some home news. He +told them that Mr. Farquhar was ill, and could not accompany +them; but Jemima and their mamma were quite well. + +The gentleman nearest to Ruth spoke to her. + +"Are you fond of the sea?" asked he. There was no answer, so he +repeated his question in a different form. + +"Do you enjoy staying by the seaside? I should rather ask." + +The reply was "Yes," rather breathed out in a deep inspiration +than spoken in a sound. The sands heaved and trembled beneath +Ruth. The figures near her vanished into strange nothingness; the +sounds of their voices were as distant sounds in a dream, while +the echo of one voice thrilled through and through. She could +have caught at his arm for support, in the awful dizziness which +wrapped her up, body and soul. That voice! No! if name, and face, +and figure were all changed, that voice was the same which had +touched her girlish heart, which had spoken most tender words of +love, which had won, and wrecked her, and which she had last +heard in the low mutterings of fever. She dared not look round to +see the figure of him who spoke, dark as it was. She knew he was +there--she heard him speak in the manner in which he used to +address strangers years ago; perhaps she answered him, perhaps +she did not--God knew. It seemed as if weights were tied to her +feet--as if the steadfast rocks receded--as if time stood +still;--it was so long, so terrible, that path across the reeling +sand. + +At the foot of the rocks they separated. Mr. Bradshaw, afraid +lest dinner should cool, preferred the shorter way for himself +and his friends. On Elizabeth's account, the girls were to take +the longer and easier path, which wound up-wards through a rocky +field, where larks' nests abounded, and where wild thyme and +heather were now throwing out their sweets to the soft night air. + +The little girls spoke in eager discussion of the strangers. They +appealed to Ruth, but Ruth did not answer, and they were too +impatient to convince each other to repeat the question. The +first little ascent from the sands to the field surmounted, Ruth +sat down suddenly and covered her face with her hands. This was +so unusual--their wishes, their good, was so invariably the rule +of motion or of rest in their walks--that the girls, suddenly +checked, stood silent and affrighted in surprise. They were still +more startled when Ruth wailed aloud some inarticulate words. + +"Are you not well, dear Mrs. Denbigh?" asked Elizabeth gently, +kneeling down on the grass by Ruth. + +She sat facing the west. The low watery twilight was on her face +as she took her hands away. So pale, so haggard, so wild and +wandering a look the girls had never seen on human countenance +before. + +"Well! what are you doing here with me? You should not be with +me," said she, shaking her head slowly. + +They looked at each other. + +"You are sadly tired," said Elizabeth soothingly. "Come home, and +let me help you to bed. I will tell papa you are ill, and ask him +to send for a doctor." Ruth looked at her as if she did not +understand the meaning of her words. No more she did at first. +But by-and-by the dulled brain began to think most vividly and +rapidly, and she spoke in a sharp way which deceived the girls +into a belief that nothing had been the matter. + +"Yes! I was tired. I am tired. Those sands--oh! those +sands,--those weary, dreadful sands! But that is all over now. +Only my heart aches still. Feel how it flutters and beats," said +she, taking Elizabeth's hand, and holding it to her side. "I am +quite well, though," she continued, reading pity in the child's +looks, as she felt the trembling, quivering beat. "We will go +straight to the dressing-room, and read a chapter; that will +still my heart; and then I'll go to bed, and Mr. Bradshaw will +excuse me, I know, this one night. I only ask for one night. Put +on your right frocks, dears, and do all you ought to do. But I +know you will" said she, bending down to kiss Elizabeth, and +then, before she had done so, raising her head abruptly, "You are +good and dear girls--God keep you so!" + +By a strong effort at self-command, she went onwards at an even +pace, neither rushing nor pausing to sob and think. The very +regularity of motion calmed her. The front and back doors of the +house were on two sides, at right angles with each other. They +all shrank a little from the idea of going in at the front door, +now that the strange gentlemen were about, and, accordingly, they +went through the quiet farmyard right into the bright, ruddy +kitchen, where the servants were dashing about with the +dinner-things. It was a contrast in more than colour to the +lonely, dusky field, which even the little girls perceived; and +the noise, the warmth, the very bustle of the servants, were a +positive relief to Ruth, and for the time lifted off the heavy +press of pent-up passion. A silent house, with moonlit rooms, or +with a faint gloom brooding over the apartments, would have been +more to be dreaded. Then, she must have given way, and cried out. +As it was, she went up the old awkward back-stairs, and into the +room they were to sit in. There was no candle. Mary volunteered +to go down for one; and when she returned she was full of the +wonders of preparation in the drawing-room, and ready and eager +to dress, so as to take her place there before the gentlemen had +finished dinner. But she was struck by the strange paleness of +Ruth's face, now that the light fell upon it. + +"Stay up here, dear Mrs. Denbigh! We'll tell papa you are tired, +and are gone to bed." + +Another time Ruth would have dreaded Mr. Bradshaw's displeasure; +for it was an understood thing that no one was to be ill or tired +in his household without leave asked, and cause given and +assigned. But she never thought of that now. Her great desire was +to hold quiet till she was alone. Quietness it was not--it was +rigidity; but she succeeded in being rigid in look and movement, +and went through her duties to Elizabeth (who preferred remaining +with her upstairs) with wooden precision. But her heart felt at +times like ice, at times like burning fire; always a heavy, heavy +weight within her. At last Elizabeth went to bed. Still Ruth +dared not think. Mary would come upstairs soon, and with a +strange, sick, shrinking yearning, Ruth awaited her--and the +crumbs of intelligence she might drop out about him. Ruth's sense +of hearing was quickened to miserable intensity as she stood +before the chimney-piece, grasping it tight with both +hands--gazing into the dying fire, but seeing--not the dead grey +embers, or the little sparks of vivid light that ran hither and +thither among the wood-ashes--but an old farmhouse, and climbing, +winding road, and a little golden breezy common, with a rural inn +on the hill-top, far, far away. And through the thoughts of the +past came the sharp sounds of the present--of three voices, one +of which was almost silence, it was so hushed. Indifferent people +would only have guessed that Mr. Donne was speaking by the +quietness in which the others listened; but Ruth heard the voice +and many of the words, though they conveyed no idea to her mind. +She was too much stunned even to feel curious to know to what +they related. He spoke. That was her one fact. + +Presently up came Mary, bounding, exultant. Papa had let her stay +up one quarter of an hour longer, because Mr. Hickson had asked. +Mr. Hickson was so clever! She did not know what to make of Mr. +Donne, he seemed such a dawdle. But he was very handsome. Had +Ruth seen him? Oh, no! She could not, it was so dark on those +stupid sands. Well, never mind, she would see him to-morrow. She +must be well to-morrow. Papa seemed a good deal put out that +neither she nor Elizabeth were in the drawing-room to-night; and +his last words were, "Tell Mrs. Denbigh I hope" (and papa's +"hopes" always meant "expect") "she will be able to make +breakfast at nine o'clock;" and then she would see Mr. Donne. + +That was all Ruth heard about him. She went with Mary into her +bedroom, helped her to undress, and put the candle out. At length +she was alone in her own room! At length! + +But the tension did not give way immediately. She fastened her +door, and threw open the window, cold and threatening as was the +night. She tore off her gown; she put her hair back from her +heated face. It seemed now as if she could not think--as if +thought and emotion had been repressed so sternly that they would +not come to relieve her stupefied brain. Till all at once, like a +flash of lightning, her life, past and present, was revealed to +her to its minutest detail. And when she saw her very present +"Now," the strange confusion of agony was too great to be borne, +and she cried aloud. Then she was quite dead, and listened as to +the sound of galloping armies. + +"If I might see him! If I might see him! If I might just ask him +why he left me; if I had vexed him in any way; it was so +strange--so cruel! It was not him; it was his mother," said she, +almost fiercely, as if answering herself. "O God! but he might +have found me out before this," she continued sadly. "He did not +care for me, as I did for him. He did not care for me at all," +she went on wildly and sharply. "He did me cruel harm. I can +never again lift up my face in innocence. They think I have +forgotten all, because I do not speak. Oh, darling love! am I +talking against you?" asked she tenderly. "I am so torn and +perplexed! You, who are the father of my child!" + +But that very circumstance, full of such tender meaning in many +cases; threw a new light into her mind. It changed her from the +woman into the mother--the stern guardian of her child. She was +still for a time, thinking. Then she began again, but in a low, +deep voice. + +"He left me. He might have been hurried off, but he might have +inquired--he might have learned and explained. He left me to bear +the burden and the shame; and never cared to learn, as he might +have done, of Leonard's birth. He has no love for his child, and +I will have no love for him." + +She raised her voice while uttering this determination, and then, +feeling her own weakness, she moaned out, "Alas! alas!" + +And then she started up, for all this time she had been rocking +herself backwards and forwards as she sat on the ground, and +began to pace the room with hurried steps. + +"What am I thinking of? Where am I? I who have been praying these +years and years to be worthy to be Leonard's mother. My God! What +a depth of sin is in my heart! Why, the old time would be as +white as snow to what it would be now, if I sought him out, and +prayed for the explanation, which would re-establish him in my +heart. I who have striven (or made a mock of trying) to learn +God's holy will, in order to bring up Leonard into the full +strength of a Christian--I who have taught his sweet innocent +lips to pray, 'Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from +evil;' and yet, somehow, I've been longing to give him to his +father, who is--who is"--she almost choked, till at last she +cried sharp out, + +"Oh, my God! I do believe Leonard's father is a bad man, and yet, +oh! pitiful God, I love him; I cannot forget--I cannot!" + +She threw her body half out of the window into the cold night +air. The wind was rising, and came in great gusts. The rain beat +down on her. It did her good. A still, calm night would not have +soothed her as this did. The wild tattered clouds, hurrying past +the moon, gave her a foolish kind of pleasure that almost made +her smile a vacant smile. The blast-driven rain came on her +again, and drenched her hair through and through. The words +"stormy wind fulfilling His word" came into her mind. + +She sat down on the floor. This time her hands were clasped round +her knees. The uneasy rocking motion was stilled. + +"I wonder if my darling is frightened with this blustering, noisy +wind. I wonder if he is awake." + +And then her thoughts went back to the various times of old, +when, affrighted by the weather--sounds so mysterious in the +night--he had crept into her bed and clung to her, and she had +soothed him, and sweetly awed him into stillness and childlike +faith, by telling him of the goodness and power of God. + +Of a sudden she crept to a chair, and there knelt as in the very +presence of God, hiding her face, at first not speaking a word +(for did He not know her heart), but by-and-by moaning out, amid +her sobs and tears (and now for the first time she wept)-- + +"Oh, my God, help me, for I am very weak. My God! I pray Thee be +my rock and my strong fortress, for I of myself am nothing. If I +ask in His name, Thou wilt give it me. In the name of Jesus +Christ I pray for strength to do Thy will!" + +She could not think, or, indeed, remember anything but that she +was weak, and God was strong, and "a very present help in time of +trouble;" and the wind rose yet higher, and the house shook and +vibrated as, in measured time, the great and terrible gusts came +from the four quarters of the heavens and blew around it, dying +away in the distance with loud and unearthly wails, which were +not utterly still before the sound of the coming blast was heard +like the trumpets of the vanguard of the Prince of Air. + +There was a knock at the bedroom door--a little, gentle knock, +and a soft child's voice. + +"Mrs. Denbigh, may I come in, please? I am so frightened!" + +It was Elizabeth. Ruth calmed her passionate breathing by one +hasty draught of water, and opened the door to the timid girl. + +"Oh, Mrs. Denbigh! did you ever hear such a night? I am so +frightened I and Mary sleeps so sound." + +Ruth was too much shaken to be able to speak all at once; but she +took Elizabeth in her arms to reassure her. Elizabeth stood back. + +"Why, how wet you are, Mrs. Denbigh! and there's the window open, +I do believe! Oh, how cold it is!" said she, shivering. + +"Get into my bed, dear!" said Ruth. + +"But do come too! The candle gives such a strange light with that +long wick, and, somehow, your face does not look like you. +Please, put the candle out, and come to bed. I am so frightened, +and it seems as if I should be safer if you were by me." + +Ruth shut the window, and went to bed. Elizabeth was all +shivering and quaking. To soothe her, Ruth made a great effort; +and spoke of Leonard and his fears, and, in a low hesitating +voice, she spoke of God's tender mercy, but very humbly, for she +feared lest Elizabeth should think her better and holier than she +was. The little girl was soon asleep, her fears forgotten; and +Ruth, worn out by passionate emotion, and obliged to be still for +fear of awaking her bedfellow, went off into a short slumber, +through the depths of which the echoes of her waking sobs +quivered up. + +When she awoke the grey light of autumnal dawn was in the room. +Elizabeth slept on; but Ruth heard the servants about, and the +early farmyard sounds. After she had recovered from the shock of +consciousness and recollection, she collected her thoughts with a +stern calmness. He was here. In a few hours she must meet him. +There was no escape, except through subterfuges and contrivances +that were both false and cowardly. How it would all turn out she +could not say, or even guess. But of one thing she was clear, and +to one thing she would hold fast: that was, that, come what +might, she would obey God's law, and, be the end of all what it +might, she would say, "Thy will be done!" She only asked for +strength enough to do this when the time came. How the time would +come--what speech or action would be requisite on her part she +did not know--she did not even try to conjecture. She left that +in His hands. + +She was icy cold, but very calm, when the breakfast-bell rang. +She went down immediately; because she felt that there was less +chance of a recognition if she were already at her place behind +the tea-urn, and busied with the cups, than if she came in after +all were settled. Her heart seemed to stand still, but she felt +almost a strange exultant sense of power over herself. She felt, +rather than saw, that he was not there. Mr. Bradshaw and Mr. +Hickson were, and so busy talking election-politics that they did +not interrupt their conversation even when they bowed to her. Her +pupils sat one on each side of her. Before they were quite +settled, and while the other two gentlemen yet hung over the +fire, Mr. Donne came in. Ruth felt as if that moment was like +death. She had a kind of desire to make some sharp sound, to +relieve a choking sensation, but it was over in an instant, and +she sat on very composed and silent--to all outward appearance +the very model of a governess who knew her place. And by-and-by +she felt strangely at ease in her sense of power. She could even +listen to what was being said. She had never dared as yet to look +at Mr. Donne, though her heart burned to see him once again. He +sounded changed. The voice had lost its fresh and youthful +eagerness of tone, though in peculiarity of modulation it was the +same. It could never be mistaken for the voice of another person. +There was a good deal said at that breakfast, for none seemed +inclined to hurry, although it was Sunday morning. Ruth was +compelled to sit there, and it was good for her that she did. +That half-hour seemed to separate the present Mr. Donne very +effectively from her imagination of what Mr. Bellingham had been. +She was no analyser; she hardly even had learnt to notice +character; but she felt there was some strange difference between +the people she had lived with lately and the man who now leant +back in his chair, listening in a careless manner to the +conversation, but never joining in, or expressing any interest in +it, unless it somewhere, or somehow, touched himself. Now, Mr. +Bradshaw always threw himself into a subject; it might be in a +pompous, dogmatic sort of way, but he did do it, whether it +related to himself or not; and it was part of Mr. Hickson's trade +to assume an interest if he felt it not. But Mr. Donne did +neither the one nor the other. When the other two were talking of +many of the topics of the day, he put his glass in his eye, the +better to examine into the exact nature of a cold game-pie at the +other side of the table. Suddenly Ruth felt that his attention +was caught by her. Until now, seeing his short-sightedness, she +had believed herself safe; now her face flushed with a painful, +miserable blush. But in an instant she was strong and quiet. She +looked up straight at his face; and, as if this action took him +aback, he dropped his glass, and began eating away with great +diligence. She had seen him. He was changed, she knew not how. In +fact, the expression, which had been only occasional formerly, +when his worse self predominated, had become permanent. He looked +restless and dissatisfied. But he was very handsome still; and +her quick eye had recognised, with a sort of strange pride, that +the eyes and mouth were like Leonard's. Although perplexed by the +straightforward, brave look she had sent right at him, he was not +entirely baffled. He thought this Mrs. Denbigh was certainly like +poor Ruth; but this woman was far handsomer. Her face was +positively Greek; and then such a proud, superb turn of her head; +quite queenly! A governess in Mr. Bradshaw's family! Why, she +might be a Percy or a Howard for the grandeur of her grace! Poor +Ruth! This woman's hair was darker, though; and she had less +colour; although a more refined-looking person. Poor Ruth! and, +for the first time for several years, he wondered what had become +of her; though, of course, there was but one thing that could +have happened, and perhaps it was as well he did not know her +end, for most likely it would have made him very uncomfortable. +He leant back in his chair, and, unobserved (for he would not +have thought it gentlemanly to look so fixedly at her if she or +any one noticed him), he put up his glass again. She was speaking +to one of her pupils, and did not see him. By Jove! it must be +she, though! There were little dimples came out about the mouth +as she spoke, just like those he used to admire so much in Ruth, +and which he had never seen in any one else--the sunshine without +the positive movement of a smile. The longer he looked the more +he was convinced; and it was with a jerk that he recovered +himself enough to answer Mr. Bradshaw's question, whether he +wished to go to church or not. + +"Church? How far--a mile? No; I think I shall perform my +devotions at home to-day." + +He absolutely felt jealous when Mr. Hickson sprang up to open the +door as Ruth and her pupils left the room. He was pleased to feel +jealous again. He had been really afraid he was too much "used +up" for such sensations. But Hickson must keep his place. What he +was paid for was doing the talking to the electors, not paying +attention to the ladles in their families. Mr. Donne had noticed +that Mr. Hickson had tried to be gallant to Miss Bradshaw; let +him, if he liked; but let him beware how he behaved to this fair +creature, Ruth or no Ruth. It certainly was Ruth; only how the +devil had she played her cards so well as to be the +governess--the respected governess, in such a family as Mr. +Bradshaw's? Mr. Donne's movements were evidently to be the guide +of Mr. Hickson's. Mr. Bradshaw always disliked going to church, +partly from principle, partly because he never could find the +places in the Prayer-book. Mr. Donne was in the drawing-room as +Mary came down ready equipped; he was turning over the leaves of +the large and handsome Bible. Seeing Mary, he was struck with a +new idea. + +"How singular it is," said he, "that the name of Ruth is so +seldom chosen by those good people who go to the Bible before +they christen their children! It is a very pretty name, I think." + +Mr. Bradshaw looked up. "Why, Mary!" said he, "is not that Mrs. +Denbigh's name?" + +"Yes, papa," replied Mary eagerly; "and I know two other Ruths; +there's Ruth Brown here, and Ruth Macartney at Eccleston." + +"And I have an aunt called Ruth, Mr. Donne! I don't think your +observation holds good. Besides my daughters' governess, I know +three other Ruths." + +"Oh! I have no doubt I was wrong. It was just a speech of which +one perceives the folly the moment it is made." + +But, secretly, he rejoiced with a fierce joy over the success of +his device. Elizabeth came to summon Mary. + +Ruth was glad when she got into the open air, and away from the +house. Two hours were gone and over. Two out of a day, a day and +a half--for it might be late on Monday morning before the +Eccleston party returned. + +She felt weak and trembling in body, but strong in power over +herself. They had left the house in good time for church, so they +needed not to hurry; and they went leisurely along the road, now +and then passing some country person whom they knew, and with +whom they exchanged a kindly, placid greeting. But presently, to +Ruth's dismay, she heard a step behind, coming at a rapid pace, a +peculiar clank of rather high-heeled boots, which gave a springy +sound to the walk, that she had known well long ago. It was like +a nightmare, where the evil dreaded is never avoided, never +completely shunned, but is by one's side at the very moment of +triumph in escape. There he was by her side; and there was still +a quarter of a mile intervening between her and the church: but +even yet she trusted that he had not recognised her. + +"I have changed my mind, you see," said he quietly. "I have some +curiosity to see the architecture of the church; some of these +old country churches have singular bits about them. Mr. Bradshaw +kindly directed me part of the way; but I was so much puzzled by +'turns to the right' and 'turns to the left,' that I was quite +glad to espy your party." + +That speech required no positive answer of any kind; and no +answer did it receive. He had not expected a reply. He knew, if +she were Ruth, she could not answer any indifferent words of his; +and her silence made him more certain of her identity with the +lady by his side. + +"The scenery here is of a kind new to me; neither grand, wild, +nor yet marked by high cultivation; and yet it has great charms. +It reminds me of some part of Wales." He breathed deeply, and +then added, "You have been in Wales, I believe?" + +He spoke low; almost in a whisper. The little church-bell began +to call the lagging people with its quick, sharp summons. Ruth +writhed in body and spirit, but struggled on. The church-door +would be gained at last; and in that holy place she would find +peace. + +He repeated in a louder tone, so as to compel an answer in order +to conceal her agitation from the girls-- + +"Have you never been in Wales?" He used "never" instead of +"ever," and laid the emphasis on that word, in order to mark his +meaning to Ruth, and Ruth only. But he drove her to bay. + +"I have been in Wales, sir," she replied, in a calm, grave tone. +"I was there many years ago. Events took place there which +contribute to make the recollections of that time most miserable +to me. I shall be obliged to you, sir, if you will make no +further reference to it." + +The little girls wondered how Mrs. Denbigh could speak in such a +high tone of quiet authority to Mr. Donne, who was almost a +member of Parliament. But they settled that her husband must have +died in Wales, and, of course, that would make the recollection +of the country "most miserable," as she said. + +Mr. Donne did not dislike the answer, and he positively admired +the dignity with which she spoke. His leaving her as he did must +have made her very miserable; and he liked the pride that made +her retain her indignation, until he could speak to her in +private, and explain away a good deal of what she might complain +of with some justice. + +The church was reached. They all went up the middle aisle into +the Eagle's Crag pew. He followed them in, entered himself, and +shut the door. Ruth's heart sank as she saw him there; just +opposite to her; coming between her and the clergyman who was to +read out the word of God. It was merciless--it was cruel to haunt +her there. She durst not lift her eyes to the bright eastern +light--she could not see how peacefully the marble images of the +dead lay on their tombs, for he was between her and all Light and +Peace. She knew that his look was on her; that he never turned +his glance away. She could not join in the prayer for the +remission of sins while he was there, for his very presence +seemed as a sign that their stain would never be washed out of +her life. But, although goaded and chafed by her thoughts and +recollections, she kept very still. No sign of emotion, no flush +of colour was on her face as he looked at her. Elizabeth could +not find her place, and then Ruth breathed once, long and deeply, +as she moved up the pew, and out of the straight, burning glance +of those eyes of evil meaning. When they sat down for the reading +of the first lesson, Ruth turned the corner of the seat so as no +longer to be opposite to him. She could not listen. The words +seemed to be uttered in some world far away, from which she was +exiled and cast out their sound, and yet more their meaning, was +dim and distant. But in this extreme tension of mind to hold in +her bewildered agony, it so happened that one of her senses was +preternaturally acute. While all the church and the people swam +in misty haze, one point in a dark corner grew clearer and +clearer till she saw (what at another time she could not have +discerned at all) a face--a gargoyle I think they call it--at the +end of the arch next to the narrowing of the nave into the +chancel, and in the shadow of that contraction. The face was +beautiful in feature (the next to it was a grinning monkey), but +it was not the features that were the most striking part. There +was a half-open mouth, not in any way distorted out of its +exquisite beauty by the intense expression of suffering it +conveyed. Any distortion of the face by mental agony implies that +a struggle with circumstance is going on. But in this face, if +such struggle had been, it was over now. Circumstance had +conquered; and there was no hope from mortal endeavour, or help +from mortal creature, to be had. But the eyes looked onward and +upward to the "hills from whence cometh our help." And though the +parted lips seemed ready to quiver with agony, yet the expression +of the whole face, owing to these strange, stony, and yet +spiritual eyes, was high and consoling. If mortal gaze had never +sought its meaning before, in the deep shadow where it had been +placed long centuries ago, yet Ruth's did now. Who could have +imagined such a look? Who could have witnessed--perhaps +felt--such infinite sorrow and yet dared to lift it up by Faith +into a peace so pure? Or was it a mere conception? If so, what a +soul the unknown carver must have had; for creator and +handicraftsman must have been one; no two minds could have been +in such perfect harmony. Whatever it was--however it came +there--imaginer, carver, sufferer, all were long passed away. +Human art was ended--human life done--human suffering over; but +this remained; it stilled Ruth's beating heart to look on it. She +grew still enough to hear words which have come to many in their +time of need, and awed them in the presence of the extremest +suffering that the hushed world had ever heard of. + +The second lesson for the morning of the 25th of September is the +26th chapter of St. Matthew's Gospel. + +And when they prayed again Ruth's tongue was unloosed, and she +also could pray, in His name who underwent the agony in the +garden. + +As they came out of church, there was a little pause and +gathering at the door. It had begun to rain; those who had +umbrellas were putting them up; those who had not were +regretting, and wondering how long it would last. Standing for a +moment, impeded by the people who were thus collected under the +porch, Ruth heard a voice close to her say, very low, but very +distinctly-- + +"I have much to say to you--much to explain. I entreat you to +give me the opportunity." + +Ruth did not reply. She would not acknowledge that she heard; but +she trembled nevertheless, for the well-remembered voice was low +and soft, and had yet its power to thrill. She earnestly desired +to know why and how he had left her. It appeared to her as if +that knowledge could alone give her a relief from the restless +wondering that distracted her mind, and that one explanation +could do no harm. + +"No!" the higher spirit made answer; "it must not be." + +Ruth and the girls had each an umbrella. She turned to Mary, and +said-- + +"Mary, give your umbrella to Mr. Donne, and come under mine." Her +way of speaking was short and decided; she was compressing her +meaning into as few words as possible. The little girl obeyed in +silence. As they went first through the churchyard stile Mr. +Donne spoke again. + +"You are unforgiving," said he. "I only ask you to hear me. I +have a right to be heard, Ruth! I won't believe you are so much +changed as not to listen to me when I entreat." + +He spoke in a tone of soft complaint. But he himself had done +much to destroy the illusion which had hung about his memory for +years, whenever Ruth had allowed herself to think of it. Besides +which, during the time of her residence in the Benson family, her +feeling of what people ought to be had been unconsciously raised +and refined; and Mr. Donne, even while she had to struggle +against the force of past recollections, repelled her so much by +what he was at present, that every speech of his, every minute +they were together, served to make her path more and more easy to +follow. His voice retained something of its former influence. +When he spoke, without her seeing him, she could not help +remembering former days. + +She did not answer this last speech any more than the first. She +saw clearly, that, putting aside all thought as to the character +of their former relationship, it had been dissolved by his +will--his act and deed; and that, therefore, the power to refuse +any further intercourse whatsoever remained with her. + +It sometimes seems a little strange how, after having earnestly +prayed to be delivered from temptation, and having given +ourselves with shut eyes into God's hand, from that time every +thought, every outward influence, every acknowledged law of life, +seems to lead us on from strength to strength. It seems strange +sometimes, because we notice the coincidence; but it is the +natural, unavoidable consequence of all, truth and goodness being +one and the same, and therefore carried out in every +circumstance, external and internal, of God's creation. When Mr. +Donne saw that Ruth would not answer him, he became only the more +determined that she should hear what he had to say. What that was +he did not exactly know. The whole affair was most mysterious and +piquant. + +The umbrella protected Ruth from more than the rain on that walk +homewards, for under its shelter she could not be spoken to +unheard. She had not rightly understood at what time she and the +girls were to dine. From the gathering at meal-times she must not +shrink. She must show no sign of weakness. But, oh! the relief, +after that walk, to sit in her own room, locked up, so that +neither Mary nor Elizabeth could come by surprise, and to let her +weary frame (weary with being so long braced up to rigidity and +stiff quiet) fall into a chair anyhow--all helpless, nerveless, +motionless, as if the very bones had melted out of her! + +The peaceful rest which her mind took was in thinking of Leonard. +She dared not look before or behind, but she could see him well +at present. She brooded over the thought of him, till she dreaded +his father more and more. By the light of her child's purity and +innocence, she saw evil clearly, and yet more clearly. She +thought that, if Leonard ever came to know the nature of his +birth, she had nothing for it but to die out of his sight. He +could never know--human heart could never know, her ignorant +innocence, and all the small circumstances which had impelled her +onwards. But God knew. And if Leonard heard of his mother's +error, why, nothing remained but death; for she felt, then, as if +she had it in her power to die innocently out of such future +agony; but that escape is not so easy. Suddenly a fresh thought +came, and she prayed that, through whatever suffering, she might +be purified. Whatever trials, woes, measureless pangs, God might +see fit to chastise her with, she would not shrink, if only at +last she might come into His presence in heaven. Alas! the +shrinking from suffering we cannot help. That part of her prayer +was vain. And as for the rest, was not the sure justice of His +law finding out even now? His laws once broken, His justice and +the very nature of those laws bring the immutable retribution; +but, if we turn penitently to Him, He enables us to bear our +punishment with a meek and docile heart, "for His mercy endureth +for ever." + +Mr. Bradshaw had felt himself rather wanting in proper attention +to his guest, inasmuch as he had been unable, all in a minute, to +comprehend Mr. Donne's rapid change of purpose; and, before it +had entered into his mind that, notwithstanding the distance of +the church, Mr. Donne was going thither, that gentleman was out +of the sight, and far out of the reach, of his burly host. But +though the latter had so far neglected the duties of hospitality +as to allow his visitor to sit in the Eagle's Crag pew with no +other guard of honour than the children and the governess, Mr. +Bradshaw determined to make up for it by extra attention during +the remainder of the day. Accordingly he never left Mr. Donne. +Whatever wish that gentleman expressed, it was the study of his +host to gratify. Did he hint at the pleasure which a walk in such +beautiful scenery would give him, Mr. Bradshaw was willing to +accompany him, although at Eccleston it was a principle with him +not to take any walks for pleasure on a Sunday. When Mr. Donne +turned round, and recollected letters which must be written, and +which would compel him to stay at home, Mr. Bradshaw instantly +gave up the walk, and remained at hand, ready to furnish him with +any writing-materials which could be wanted, and which were not +laid out in the half-furnished house. Nobody knew where Mr. +Hickson was all this time. He had sauntered out after Mr. Donne, +when the latter set off for church, and he had never returned. +Mr. Donne kept wondering if he could have met Ruth--if, in fact, +she had gone out with her pupils, now that the afternoon had +cleared up. This uneasy wonder, and a few mental imprecations on +his host's polite attention, together with the letter-writing +pretence, passed away the afternoon--the longest afternoon he had +ever spent; and of weariness he had had his share. Lunch was +lingering in the dining-room, left there for the truant Mr. +Hickson; but of the children or Ruth there was no sign. He +ventured on a distant inquiry as to their whereabouts. + +"They dine early; they are gone to church again. Mrs. Denbigh was +a member of the Establishment once; and, though she attends +chapel at home, she seems glad to have an opportunity of going to +church." + +Mr. Donne was on the point of asking some further questions about +"Mrs. Denbigh," when Mr. Hickson came in, loud-spoken, cheerful, +hungry, and as ready to talk about his ramble, and the way in +which he had lost and found himself, as he was about everything +else. He knew how to dress up the commonest occurrence with a +little exaggeration, a few puns, and a happy quotation or two, so +as to make it sound very agreeable. He could read faces, and saw +that he had been missed; both host and visitor looked moped to +death. He determined to devote himself to their amusement during +the remainder of the day, for he had really lost himself, and +felt that he had been away too long on a dull Sunday, when people +were apt to get hipped if not well amused. + +"It is really a shame to be indoors in such a place. Rain? Yes, +it rained some hours ago, but now it is splendid weather. I feel +myself quite qualified for guide, I assure you. I can show you +all the beauties of the neighbourhood, and throw in a bog and a +nest of vipers to boot." + +Mr. Donne languidly assented to this proposal of going out; and +then he became restless until Mr. Hickson had eaten a hasty +lunch, for he hoped to meet Ruth on the way from church, to be +near her, and watch her, though he might not be able to speak to +her. To have the slow hours roll away--to know he must leave the +next day--and yet, so close to her, not to be seeing her--was +more than he could bear. In an impetuous kind of way, he +disregarded all Mr. Hickson's offers of guidance to lovely views, +and turned a deaf ear to Mr. Bradshaw's expressed wish of showing +him the land belonging to the house ("very little for fourteen +thousand pounds"), and set off wilfully on the road leading to +the church, from which he averred he had seen a view which +nothing else about the place could equal. + +They met the country people dropping homewards. No Ruth was +there. She and her pupils had returned by the field-way, as Mr. +Bradshaw informed his guests at dinner-time. Mr. Donne was very +captious all through dinner. He thought it never would be over, +and cursed Hickson's interminable stories, which were told on +purpose to amuse him. His heart gave a fierce bound when he saw +her in the drawing-room with the little girls. + +She was reading to them--with how sick and trembling a heart no +words can tell. But she could master and keep down outward signs +of her emotion. An hour more to-night (part of which was to be +spent in family prayer, and all in the safety of company), +another hour in the morning (when all would be engaged in the +bustle of departure)--if, during this short space of time, she +could not avoid speaking to him, she could at least keep him at +such a distance as to make him feel that henceforward her world +and his belonged to separate systems, wide as the heavens apart. + +By degrees she felt that he was drawing near to where she stood. +He was by the table examining the books that lay upon it. Mary +and Elizabeth drew off a little space, awe-stricken by the future +member for Eccleston. As he bent his head over a book he said, "I +implore you; five minutes alone." + +The little girls could not hear; but Ruth, hemmed in so that no +escape was possible, did hear. + +She took sudden courage, and said in a clear voice-- + +"Will you read the whole passage aloud? I do not remember it." + +Mr. Hickson, hovering at no great distance, heard these words, +and drew near to second Mrs. Denbigh's request. Mr. Bradshaw, who +was very sleepy after his unusually late dinner, and longing for +bedtime, joined in the request, for it would save the necessity +for making talk, and he might, perhaps, get in a nap, undisturbed +and unnoticed, before the servants came in to prayers. + +Mr. Donne was caught; he was obliged to read aloud, although he +did not know what he was reading. In the middle of some sentence +the door opened, a rush of servants came in, and Mr. Bradshaw +became particularly wide awake in an instant, and read them a +long sermon with great emphasis and unction, winding up with a +prayer almost as long. + +Ruth sat with her head drooping, more from exhaustion, after a +season of effort than because she shunned Mr. Donne's looks. He +had so lost his power over her--his power, which had stirred her +so deeply the night before--that, except as one knowing her error +and her shame, and making a cruel use of such knowledge, she had +quite separated him from the idol of her youth. And yet, for the +sake of that first and only love, she would gladly have known +what explanation he could offer to account for leaving her. It +would have been something gained to her own self-respect if she +had learnt that he was not then, as she felt him to be now, cold +and egotistical, caring for no one and nothing but what related +to himself. + +Home, and Leonard--how strangely peaceful the two seemed! Oh, for +the rest that a dream about Leonard would bring! + +Mary and Elizabeth went to bed immediately after prayers, and +Ruth accompanied them. It was planned that the gentlemen should +leave early the next morning. They were to breakfast half-an-hour +sooner, to catch the railway-train; and this by Mr. Donne's own +arrangement, who had been as eager about his canvassing, the week +before, as it was possible for him to be, but who now wished +Eccleston and the Dissenting interest therein very fervently at +the devil. + +Just as the carriage came round Mr. Bradshaw turned to Ruth "Any +message for Leonard beyond love, which is a matter of course?" + +Ruth gasped--for she saw Mr. Donne catch at the name; she did not +guess the sudden sharp jealousy called out by the idea that +Leonard was a grown-up man. + +"Who is Leonard?" said he to the little girl standing by him; he +did not know which she was. + +"Mrs. Denbigh's little boy," answered Mary. + +Under some pretence or other, he drew near to Ruth; and in that +low voice which she had learnt to loathe he said-- + +"Our child?" + +By the white misery that turned her face to stone--by the wild +terror in her imploring eyes--by the gasping breath which came +out as the carriage drove away--he knew that he had seized the +spell to make her listen at last. + + +CHAPTER XXIV + + +THE MEETING ON THE SANDS + +"He will take him away from me! He will take the child from me!" + +These words rang like a tolling bell through Ruth's head. It +seemed to her that her doom was certain. Leonard would be taken +from her. She had a firm conviction--not the less firm because +she knew not on what it was based--that a child, whether +legitimate or not, belonged of legal right to the father. And +Leonard, of all children, was the prince and monarch. Every +man's heart would long to call Leonard "Child!" She had been too +strongly taxed to have much power left her to reason coolly and +dispassionately, just then, even if she had been with any one who +could furnish her with information from which to draw correct +conclusions. The one thought haunted her night and day--"He will +take my child away from me!" In her dreams she saw Leonard borne +away into some dim land, to which she could not follow. Sometimes +he sat in a swiftly-moving carriage, at his father's side, and +smiled on her as he passed by, as if going to promised pleasure. +At another time he was struggling to return to her; stretching +out his little arms, and crying to her for the help she could not +give. How she got through the days she did not know; her body +moved about and habitually acted, but her spirit was with her +child. She thought often of writing and warning Mr. Benson of +Leonard's danger; but then she shrank from recurring to +circumstances all mention of which had ceased years ago; the very +recollection of which seemed buried deep for ever. Besides, she +feared occasioning discord or commotion in the quiet circle in +which she lived. Mr. Benson's deep anger against her betrayer had +been shown too clearly in the old time to allow her to think that +he would keep it down without expression now. He would cease to +do anything to forward his election; he would oppose him as much +as he could; and Mr. Bradshaw would be angry, and a storm would +arise, from the bare thought of which Ruth shrank with the +cowardliness of a person thoroughly worn out with late contest. +She was bodily wearied with her spiritual buffeting. + +One morning, three or four days after their departure, she +received a letter from Miss Benson. She could not open it at +first, and put it on one side, clenching her hands over it all +the time. At last she tore it open. Leopard was safe as yet. +There were a few lines in his great round hand, speaking of +events no larger than the loss of a beautiful "alley." There was +a sheet from Miss Benson. She always wrote letters in the manner +of a diary. "Monday we did so-and-so; Tuesday, so-and-so, &c." +Ruth glanced rapidly down the pages. Yes, here it was! Sick, +fluttering heart, be still! + +"In the middle of the damsons, when they were just on the fire, +there was a knock at the door. My brother was out, and Sally was +washing up, and I was stirring the preserve with my great apron +and bib on; so I bade Leonard come in from the garden and open +the door. But I would have washed his face first if I had known +who it was! It was Mr. Bradshaw and the Mr. Donne that they hope +to send up to the House of Commons, as member of Parliament for +Eccleston, and another gentleman, whose name I never heard. They +had come canvassing; and when they found my brother was out, they +asked Leonard if they could see me. The child said, 'Yes! if I +could leave the damsons;' and straightway came to call me, +leaving them standing in the passage. I whipped off my apron, and +took Leonard by the hand, for I fancied I should feel less +awkward if he was with me; and then I went and asked them all +into the study, for I thought I should like them to see how many +books Thurstan had got. Then they began talking politics at me in +a very polite manner, only I could not make head or tail of what +they meant; and Mr. Donne took a deal of notice of Leonard, and +called him to him; and I am sure he noticed what a noble, +handsome boy he was, though his face was very brown and red, and +hot with digging, and his curls all tangled. Leonard talked back +as if he had known him all his life, till, I think Mr. Bradshaw +thought he was making too much noise, and bid him remember he +ought to be seen, not heard. So he stood as still and stiff as a +soldier, close to Mr. Donne; and as I could not help looking at +the two, and thinking how handsome they both were in their +different ways, I could not tell Thurstan half the messages the +gentlemen left for him. But there was one thing more I must tell +you, though I said I would not. When Mr. Donne was talking to +Leonard, he took off his watch and chain and put it round the +boy's neck, who was pleased enough, you may be sure. I bade him +give it back to the gentleman, when they were all going away; and +I was quite surprised, and very uncomfortable, when Mr. Donne +said he had given it to Leonard, and that he was to keep it for +his own. I could see Mr. Bradshaw was annoyed, and he and the +other gentleman spoke to Mr. Donne, and I heard them say, 'too +barefaced;' and I shall never forget Mr. Donne's proud, stubborn +look back at them, nor his way of saying, 'I allow no one to +interfere with what I choose to do with my own.' And he looked so +haughty and displeased, I durst say nothing at the time. But when +I told Thurstan, he was very grieved and angry; and said he had +heard that our party were bribing, but that he never could have +thought they would have tried to do it at his house. Thurstan is +very much out of spirits about this election altogether; and, +indeed, it does make sad work up and down the town. However, he +sent back the watch, with a letter to Mr. Bradshaw; and Leonard +was very good about it, so I gave him a taste of the new +damson-preserve on his bread for supper." + +Although a stranger might have considered this letter wearisome, +from the multiplicity of the details, Ruth craved greedily after +more. What had Mr. Donne said to Leonard? Had Leonard liked his +new acquaintance? Were they likely to meet again? After wondering +and wondering over these points, Ruth composed herself by the +hope that in a day or two she should hear again; and, to secure +this end, she answered the letters by return of post. That was on +Thursday. On Friday she had another letter, in a strange hand. It +was from Mr. Donne. No name, no initials were given. If it had +fallen into another person's hands, they could not have +recognised the writer, nor guessed to whom it was sent. It +contained simply these words:-- + +"For our child's sake, and in his name, I summon you to appoint a +place where I can speak, and you can listen, undisturbed. The +time must be on Sunday; the limit of distance may be the +circumference of your power of walking. My words may be commands, +but my fond heart entreats. More I shall not say now, but, +remember! your boy's welfare depends on your acceding to this +request. Address B. D., Post-Office, Eccleston." + +Ruth did not attempt to answer this letter till the last five +minutes before the post went out. She could not decide until +forced to it. Either way she dreaded. She was very nearly leaving +the letter altogether unanswered. But suddenly she resolved she +would know all, the best, the worst. No cowardly dread of +herself, or of others, should make her neglect aught that came to +her in her child's name. She took up a pen and wrote-- + +"The sands below the rocks, where we met you the other night. +Time, afternoon church." + +Sunday came. + +"I shall not go to church this afternoon. You know the way, of +course; and I trust you to go steadily by yourselves." + +When they came to kiss her before leaving her, according to their +fond wont, they were struck by the coldness of her face and lips. + +"Are you not well, dear Mrs. Denbigh? How cold you are!" + +"Yes, darling! I am well;" and tears sprang into her eyes as she +looked at their anxious little faces. "Go now, dears. Five +o'clock will soon be here, and then we will have tea." + +"And that will warm you!" said they, leaving the room. + +"And then it will be over," she murmured--"over." + +It never came into her head to watch the girls as they +disappeared down the lane on their way to church. She knew them +too well to distrust their doing what they were told. She sat +still, her head bowed on her arms for a few minutes, and then +rose up and went to put on her walking things. Some thoughts +impelled her to sudden haste. She crossed the field by the side +of the house, ran down the steep and rocky path, and was carried +by the impetus of her descent far out on the level sands--but not +far enough for her intent. Without looking to the right hand or +to the left, where comers might be seen, she went forwards to the +black posts, which, rising above the heaving waters, marked where +the fishermen's nets were laid. She went straight towards this +place, and hardly stinted her pace even where the wet sands were +glittering with the receding waves. Once there, she turned round, +and, in a darting glance, saw that as yet no one was near. She +was perhaps half-a-mile or more from the grey, silvery rocks, +which sloped away into brown moorland, interspersed with a field +here and there of golden, waving corn. Behind were purple hills, +with sharp, clear outlines, touching the sky. A little on one +side from where she stood she saw the white cottages and houses +which formed the village of Abermouth, scattered up and down; +and, on a windy hill, about a mile inland, she saw the little +grey church, where even now many were worshipping in peace. + +"Pray for me!" she sighed out as this object caught her eye. + +And now, close under the heathery fields, where they fell softly +down and touched the sands, she saw a figure moving in the +direction of the great shadow made by the rocks--going towards +the very point where the path from Eagle's Crag came down to the +shore. + +"It is he!" said she to herself. And she turned round and looked +seaward. The tide had turned; the waves were slowly receding, as +if loth to lose the hold they had, so lately, and with such swift +bounds, gained on the yellow sands. The eternal moan they have +made since the world began filled the ear, broken only by the +skirl of the grey sea-birds as they alighted in groups on the +edge of the waters, or as they rose up with their measured, +balancing motion, and the sunlight caught their white breasts. +There was no sign of human life to be seen; no boat, or distant +sail, or near shrimper. The black posts there were all that spoke +of men's work or labour. Beyond a stretch of the waters, a few +pale grey hills showed like films; their summits clear, though +faint, their bases lost in a vapoury mist. + +On the hard, echoing sands, and distinct from the ceaseless +murmur of the salt sea waves, came footsteps--nearer--nearer. +Very near they were when Ruth, unwilling to show the fear that +rioted in her heart, turned round, and faced Mr. Donne. + +He came forward, with both hands extended. + +"This is kind! my own Ruth," said he. Ruth's arms hung down +motionless at her sides. + +"What! Ruth, have you no word for me?" + +"I have nothing to say," said Ruth. + +"Why, you little revengeful creature! And so I am to explain all, +before you will even treat me with decent civility." + +"I do not want explanations," said Ruth in a trembling tone. "We +must not speak of the past. You asked me to come in Leonard's--in +my child's name, and to hear what you had to say about him." + +"But what I have to say about him relates to you even more. And +how can we talk about him without recurring to the past? That +past, which you try to ignore--I know you cannot do it in your +heart--is full of happy recollections to me. Were you not happy +in Wales?" he said in his tenderest tone. + +But there was no answer; not even one faint sigh, though he +listened intently. + +"You dare not speak; you dare not answer me. Your heart will not +allow you to prevaricate, and you know you were happy." + +Suddenly Ruth's beautiful eyes were raised to him, full of lucid +splendour, but grave and serious in their expression; and her +cheeks, heretofore so faintly tinged with the tenderest blush, +flashed into a ruddy glow. + +"I was happy. I do not deny it. Whatever comes, I will not blench +from the truth. I have answered you." + +"And yet," replied he, secretly exulting in her admission, and +not perceiving the inner strength of which she must have been +conscious before she would have dared to make it--"and yet, Ruth, +we are not to recur to the past! Why not? If it was happy at the +time, is the recollection of it so miserable to you?" + +He tried once more to take her hand, but she quietly stepped +back. + +"I came to hear what you had to say about my child," said she, +beginning to feel very weary. + +"Our child, Ruth." + +She drew herself up, and her face went very pale. + +"What have you to say about him?" asked she coldly. + +"Much," exclaimed he--"much that may affect his whole life. But +it all depends upon whether you will hear me or not." + +"I listen." + +"Good heavens! Ruth, you will drive me mad. Oh! what a changed +person you are from the sweet, loving creature you were! I wish +you were not so beautiful." She did not reply, but he caught a +deep, involuntary sigh. + +"Will you hear me if I speak, though I may not begin all at once +to talk of this boy--a boy of whom any mother--any parent, might +be proud? I could see that, Ruth. I have seen him; he looked like +a prince in that cramped, miserable house, and with no earthly +advantages. It is a shame he should not have every kind of +opportunity laid open before him." + +There was no sign of maternal ambition on the motionless face, +though there might be some little spring in her heart, as it beat +quick and strong at the idea of the proposal she imagined he was +going to make of taking her boy away to give him the careful +education she had often craved for him. She should refuse it, as +she would everything else which seemed to imply that she +acknowledged a claim over Leonard; but yet sometimes, for her +boy's sake, she had longed for a larger opening--a more extended +sphere. + +"Ruth! you acknowledge we were happy once;--there were +circumstances which, if I could tell you them all in detail, +would show you how, in my weak, convalescent state, I was almost +passive in the hands of others. Ah, Ruth! I have not forgotten +the tender nurse who soothed me in my delirium. When I am +feverish, I dream that I am again at Llan-dhu, in the little old +bedchamber, and you, in white--which you always wore then, you +know--flitting about me." + +The tears dropped, large and round from Ruth's eyes--she could +not help it--how could she? + +"We were happy then," continued he, gaining confidence from the +sight of her melted mood, and recurring once more to the +admission which he considered so much in his favour. "Can such +happiness never return?" Thus he went on, quickly, anxious to lay +before her all he had to offer, before she should fully +understand his meaning. + +"If you would consent, Leonard should be always with +you--educated where and how you liked--money to any amount you +might choose to name should be secured to you and him--if only, +Ruth--if only those happy days might return." Ruth spoke-- + +"I said that I was happy, because I had asked God to protect and +help me--and I dared not tell a lie. I was happy. Oh! what is +happiness or misery that we should talk about them now?" + +Mr. Donne looked at her, as she uttered these words, to see if +she was wandering in her mind, they seemed to him so utterly +strange and incoherent. + +"I dare not think of happiness--I must not look forward to +sorrow. God did not put me here to consider either of these +things." + +"My dear Ruth, compose yourself! There is no hurry in answering +the question I asked." + +"What was it?" said Ruth. + +"I love you so, I cannot live without you. I offer you my heart, +my life--I offer to place Leonard wherever you would have him +placed. I have the power and the means to advance him in any path +of life you choose. All who have shown kindness to you shall be +rewarded by me, with a gratitude even surpassing your own. If +there is anything else I can do that you can suggest, I will do +it." "Listen to me!" said Ruth, now that the idea of what he +proposed had entered her mind. "When I said that I was happy with +you long ago, I was choked with shame as I said it. And yet it +may be a vain, false excuse that I make for myself. I was very +young; I did not know how such a life was against God's pure and +holy will--at least, not as I know it now; and I tell you the +truth--all the days of my years since I have gone about with a +stain on my hidden soul--a stain which made me loathe myself, and +envy those who stood spotless and undefiled; which made me shrink +from my child--from Mr. Benson, from his sister, from the +innocent girls whom I teach--nay, even I have cowered away from +God Himself; and what I did wrong then, I did blindly to what I +should do now if I listened to you." + +She was so strongly agitated that she put her hands over her +face, and sobbed without restraint. Then, taking them away, she +looked at him with a glowing face, and beautiful, honest, wet +eyes, and tried to speak calmly, as she asked if she needed to +stay longer (she would have gone away at once but that she +thought of Leonard, and wished to hear all that his father might +have to say). He was so struck anew by her beauty, and understood +her so little, that he believed that she only required a little +more urging to consent to what he wished; for in all she had said +there was no trace of the anger and resentment for his desertion +of her, which he had expected would be a prominent feature--the +greatest obstacle he had to encounter. The deep sense of +penitence she expressed he mistook for earthly shame; which he +imagined he could soon soothe away. + +"Yes, I have much more to say. I have not said half. I cannot +tell you how fondly I will--how fondly I do love you--how my life +shall be spent in ministering to your wishes. Money, I see--I +know, you despise----" + +"Mr. Bellingham! I will not stay to hear you speak to me so +again. I have been sinful, but it is not you who should----" She +could not speak, she was so choking with passionate sorrow. + +He wanted to calm her, as he saw her shaken with repressed sobs. +He put his hand on her arm. She shook it off impatiently, and +moved away in an instant. + +"Ruth!" said he, nettled by her action of repugnance, "I begin to +think you never loved me." + +"I!--I never loved you! Do you dare to say so?" + +Her eyes flamed on him as she spoke. Her red, round lip curled +into beautiful contempt. + +"Why do you shrink so from me?" said he, in his turn getting +impatient. + +"I did not come here to be spoken to in this way," said she. "I +came, if by any chance I could do Leonard good. I would submit to +many humiliations for his sake--but to no more from you." + +"Are not you afraid to brave me so?" said he. "Don't you know how +much you are in my power?" + +She was silent. She longed to go away, but dreaded lest he should +follow her, where she might be less subject to interruption than +she was here--near the fisherman's nets, which the receding tide +was leaving every moment barer and more bare, and the posts they +were fastened to more blackly uprising above the waters. + +Mr. Donne put his hands on her arms as they hung down before +her--her hands tightly clasped together. + +"Ask me to let you go," said he. "I will, if you will ask me. He +looked very fierce and passionate and determined. The vehemence +of his action took Ruth by surprise, and the painful tightness of +the grasp almost made her exclaim. But she was quite still and +mute. + +"Ask me," said he, giving her a little shake. She did not speak. +Her eyes, fixed on the distant shore, were slowly filling with +tears. Suddenly a light came through the mist that obscured them, +and the shut lips parted. She saw some distant object that gave +her hope. + +"It is Stephen Bromley," said she. "He is coming to his nets. +They say he is a very desperate, violent man, but he will protect +me." + +"You obstinate, wilful creature!" said Mr. Donne, releasing his +grasp. "You forget that one word of mine could undeceive all +these good people at Eccleston; and that if I spoke out ever so +little, they would throw you off in an instant. Now!" he +continued, "do you understand how much you are in my power?" + +"Mr. and Miss Benson know all--they have not thrown me off," Ruth +gasped out. + +"Oh! for Leonard's sake! you would not be so cruel." + +"Then do not be cruel to him--to me. Think once more!" + +"I think once more." She spoke solemnly. "To save Leonard from +the shame and agony of knowing my disgrace I would lay down and +die. Oh! perhaps it would be best for him--for me, if I might; my +death would be a stingless grief--but to go back into sin would +be the real cruelty to him. The errors of my youth may be washed +away by my tears--it was so once when the gentle, blessed Christ +was upon earth; but now, if I went into wilful guilt, as you +would have me, how could I teach Leonard God's holy will? I +should not mind his knowing my past sin, compared to the awful +corruption it would be if he knew me living now, as you would +have me, lost to all fear of God----" Her speech was broken by +sobs. + +"Whatever may be my doom--God is just--I leave myself in His +hands. I will save Leonard from evil. Evil would it be for him if +I lived with you. I will let him die first!" She lifted her eyes +to heaven, and clasped and wreathed her hands together tight. +Then she said "You have humbled me enough, sir. I shall leave you +now." + +She turned away resolutely. The dark, grey fisherman was at hand. +Mr. Donne folded his arms and set his teeth, and looked after +her. + +"What a stately step she has! How majestic and graceful all her +attitudes were! She thinks she has baffled me now. We will try +something more, and bid a higher price." He unfolded his arms, +and began to follow her. He gained upon her, for her beautiful +walk was now wavering and unsteady. The works which had kept her +in motion were running down fast. + +"Ruth!" said he, overtaking her. "You shall hear me once more. +Ay, look round! Your fisherman is near. He may hear me, if he +chooses--hear your triumph. I am come to offer to marry you, +Ruth; come what may, I will have you. Nay--I will make you hear +me. I will hold this hand till you have heard me. To-morrow I +will speak to any one in Eccleston you like--to Mr. Bradshaw; Mr. +----, the little minister I mean. We can make it worth while for +him to keep our secret, and no one else need know but what you +are really Mrs. Denbigh. Leonard shall still bear this name, but +in all things else he shall be treated as my son. He and you +would grace any situation. I will take care the highest paths are +open to him!" He looked to see the lovely face brighten into +sudden joy; on the contrary, the head was still hung down with a +heavy droop. + +"I cannot," said she; her voice was very faint and low. + +"It is sudden for you, my dearest. But be calm. It will all be +easily managed. Leave it to me." + +"I cannot," repeated she, more distinct and clear, though still +very low. + +"Why! what on earth makes you say that?" asked he, in a mood to +be irritated by any repetition of such words. + +"I do not love you. I did once. Don't say I did not love you +then! but I do not now. I could never love you again. All you +have said and done since you came with Mr. Bradshaw to Abermouth +first has only made me wonder how I ever could have loved you. We +are very far apart. The time that has pressed down my life like +brands of hot iron, and scarred me for ever, has been nothing to +you. You have talked of it with no sound of moaning in your +voice--no shadow over the brightness of your face; it has left no +sense of sin on your conscience, while me it haunts and haunts; +and yet I might plead that I was an ignorant child--only I will +not plead anything, for God knows all----But this is only one +piece of our great difference----" + +"You mean that I am no saint," he said, impatient at her speech. +"Granted. But people who are no saints have made very good +husbands before now. Come, don't let any morbid, overstrained +conscientiousness interfere with substantial happiness--both to +you and to me--for I am sure I can make you happy--ay! and make +you love me, too, in spite of your pretty defiance. I love you so +dearly, I must win love back. And here are advantages for +Leonard, to be gained by you quite in a holy and legitimate way." + +She stood very erect. + +"If there was one thing needed to confirm me, you have named it. +You shall have nothing to do with my boy, by my consent, much +less by my agency. I would rather see him working on the roadside +than leading such a life--being such a one as you are. You have +heard my mind now, Mr. Bellingham. You have humbled me--you have +baited me; and if at last I have spoken out too harshly, and too +much in a spirit of judgment, the fault is yours. If there were +no other reason to prevent our marriage but the one fact that it +would bring Leonard into contact with you, that would be enough." + +"It is enough!" said he, making her a low bow. "Neither you nor +your child shall ever more be annoyed by me. I wish you a good +evening." + +They walked apart--he back to the inn, to set off instantly, +while the blood was hot within him, from the place where he had +been so mortified--she to steady herself along till she reached +the little path, more like a rude staircase than anything else, +by which she had to climb to the house. + +She did not turn round for some time after she was fairly lost to +the sight of any one on the shore; she clambered on, almost +stunned by the rapid beating of her heart. Her eyes were hot and +dry; and at last became as if she were suddenly blind. Unable to +go on, she tottered into the tangled underwood which grew among +the stones, filling every niche and crevice, and little shelving +space, with green and delicate tracery. She sank down behind a +great overhanging rock, which hid her from any one coming up the +path. An ash-tree was rooted in this rock, slanting away from the +sea-breezes that were prevalent in most weathers; but this was a +still, autumnal Sabbath evening. As Ruth's limbs fell, so they +lay. She had no strength, no power of volition to move a finger. +She could not think or remember. She was literally stunned. The +first sharp sensation which roused her from her torpor was a +quick desire to see him once more; up she sprang, and climbed to +an out-jutting dizzy point of rock, but a little above her +sheltered nook, yet commanding a wide view over the bare, naked +sands;--far away below, touching the rippling water-line, was +Stephen Bromley, busily gathering in his nets; besides him there +was no living creature visible. Ruth shaded her eyes, as if she +thought they might have deceived her; but no, there was no one +there. She went slowly down to her old place, crying sadly as she +went. + +"Oh! if I had not spoken so angrily to him--the last things I +said were so bitter--so reproachful!--and I shall never, never +see him again!" + +She could not take in a general view and scope of their +conversation--the event was too near her for that; but her heart +felt sore at the echo of her last words, just and true as their +severity was. Her struggle, her constant flowing tears, which +fell from very weakness, made her experience a sensation of +intense bodily fatigue; and her soul had lost the power of +throwing itself forward, or contemplating anything beyond the +dreary present, when the expanse of grey, wild, bleak moors, +stretching wide away below a sunless sky, seemed only an outward +sign of the waste world within her heart, for which she could +claim no sympathy;-for she could not even define what its woes +were; and, if she could, no one would understand how the present +time was haunted by the terrible ghost of the former love. + +"I am so weary! I am so weary!" she moaned aloud at last. "I +wonder if I might stop here, and just die away." + +She shut her eyes, until through the closed lids came a ruddy +blaze of light. The clouds bad parted away, and the sun was going +down in the crimson glory behind the distant purple hills. The +whole western sky was one flame of fire. Ruth forgot herself in +looking at the gorgeous sight. She sat up gazing; and, as she +gazed, the tears dried on her cheeks, and, somehow, all human +care and sorrow were swallowed up in the unconscious sense of +God's infinity. The sunset calmed her more than any words, +however wise and tender, could have done. It even seemed to give +her strength and courage; she did not know how or why, but so it +was. + +She rose, and went slowly towards home. Her limbs were very +stiff, and every now and then she had to choke down an unbidden +sob. Her pupils had been long returned from church, and had +busied themselves in preparing tea--an occupation which had +probably made them feel the time less long. + +If they had ever seen a sleep-walker, they might have likened +Ruth to one for the next few days, so slow and measured did her +movements seem--so far away was her intelligence from all that +was passing around her--so hushed and strange were the tones of +her voice. They had letters from home, announcing the triumphant +return of Mr. Donne as M.P. for Eccleston. Mrs. Denbigh heard the +news without a word, and was too languid to join in the search +after purple and yellow flowers with which to deck the +sitting-room at Eagle's Crag. + +A letter from Jemima came the next day, summoning them home. Mr. +Donne and his friends had left the place, and quiet was restored +in the Bradshaw household; so it was time that Mary and +Elizabeth's holiday should cease. Mrs. Denbigh had also a +letter--a letter from Miss Benson, saying that Leonard was not +quite well. There was so much pains taken to disguise anxiety, +that it was very evident much anxiety was felt; and the girls +were almost alarmed by Ruth's sudden change from taciturn languor +to eager, vehement energy. Body and mind seemed strained to +exertion. Every plan that could facilitate packing and winding up +affairs at Abermouth, every errand and arrangement that could +expedite their departure by one minute, was done by Ruth with +stern promptitude. She spared herself in nothing. She made them +rest, made them lie down, while she herself lifted weights and +transacted business with feverish power, never resting, and +trying never to have time to think. + +For in remembrance of the Past there was Remorse--how had she +forgotten Leonard these last few days!--how had she repined and +been dull of heart to her blessing! And in anticipation of the +future there was one sharp point of red light in the darkness +which pierced her brain with agony, and which she would not see +or recognise--and saw and recognised all the more for such mad +determination--which is not the true shield against the +bitterness of the arrows of death. + +When the seaside party arrived in Eccleston, they were met by +Mrs. and Miss Bradshaw and Mr. Benson. By a firm resolution, Ruth +kept from shaping the question, "Is he alive?" as if by giving +shape to her fears she made their realisation more imminent. She +said merely, "How is he?" but she said it with drawn, tight, +bloodless lips, and in her eyes Mr. Benson read her anguish of +anxiety. + +"He is very ill, but we hope he will soon be better. It is what +every child has to go through." + + +CHAPTER XXV + + +JEMIMA MAKES A DISCOVERY + +Mr. Bradshaw had been successful in carrying his point. His +member had been returned; his proud opponents mortified. So the +public thought he ought to be well pleased; but the public were +disappointed to see that he did not show any of the gratification +they supposed him to feel. + +The truth was, that he met with so many small mortifications +during the progress of the election, that the pleasure which he +would otherwise have felt in the final success of his scheme was +much diminished. + +He had more than tacitly sanctioned bribery; and now that the +excitement was over, he regretted it: not entirely from +conscientious motives, though he was uneasy from the slight sense +of wrong-doing; but he was more pained, after all, to think that, +in the eyes of some of his townsmen, his hitherto spotless +character had received a blemish. He, who had been so stern and +severe a censor on the undue influence exercised by the opposite +party in all preceding elections, could not expect to be spared +by their adherents now, when there were rumours that the hands of +the scrupulous Dissenters were not clean. Before, it had been his +boast that neither friend nor enemy could say one word against +him; now, he was constantly afraid of an indictment for bribery, +and of being compelled to appear before a committee to swear to +his own share in the business. + +His uneasy, fearful consciousness made him stricter and sterner +than ever; as if he would quench all wondering, slanderous talk +about him in the town by a renewed austerity of uprightness: that +the slack-principled Mr. Bradshaw of one month of ferment and +excitement might not be confounded with the highly conscientious +and deeply religious Mr. Bradshaw, who went to chapel twice a +day, and gave a hundred pounds apiece to every charity in the +town, as a sort of thank-offering that his end was gained. + +But he was secretly dissatisfied with Mr. Donne. In general, that +gentleman had been rather too willing to act in accordance with +any one's advice, no matter whose; as, if he had thought it too +much trouble to weigh the wisdom of his friends, in which case +Mr. Bradshaw's would have, doubtless, proved the most valuable. +But now and then he unexpectedly, and utterly without reason, +took the conduct of affairs into his own hands, as when he had +been absent without leave only just before the day of nomination. +No one guessed whither he had gone; but the fact of his being +gone was enough to chagrin Mr. Bradshaw, who was quite ready to +have picked a quarrel on this very head if the election had not +terminated favourably. As it was, he had a feeling of +proprietorship in Mr. Donne which was not disagreeable. He had +given the new M.P. his seat; his resolution; his promptitude, his +energy, had made Mr. Donne "our member;" and Mr. Bradshaw began +to feel proud of him accordingly. But there had been no one +circumstance during this period to bind Jemima and Mr. Farquhar +together. They were still misunderstanding each other with all +their power. The difference in the result was this: Jemima loved +him all the more, in spite of quarrels and coolness. He was +growing utterly weary of the petulant temper of which he was +never certain; of the reception which varied day after day, +according to the mood she was in and the thoughts that were +uppermost; and he was almost startled to find how very glad he +was that the little girls and Mrs. Denbigh were coming home. His +was a character to bask in peace; and lovely, quiet Ruth, with +her low tones and soft replies, her delicate waving movements, +appeared to him the very type of what a woman should be--a calm, +serene soul, fashioning the body to angelic grace. + +It was, therefore, with no slight interest that Mr. Farquhar +inquired daily after the health of little Leonard. He asked at +the Bensons' house; and Sally answered him, with swollen and +tearful eyes, that the child was very bad--very bad indeed. He +asked at the doctor's; and the doctor told him, in a few short +words, that "it was only a bad kind of measles and that the lad +might have a struggle for it, but he thought he would get +through. Vigorous children carried their force into everything; +never did things by halves; if they were ill, they were sure to +be in a high fever directly; if they were well, there was no +peace in the house for their rioting. For his part," continued +the doctor, "he thought he was glad he had had no children; as +far as he could judge, they were pretty much all plague and no +profit." But as he ended his speech he sighed; and Mr. Farquhar +was none the less convinced that common report was true, which +represented the clever, prosperous surgeon of Eccleston as +bitterly disappointed at his failure of offspring. + +While these various interests and feelings had their course +outside the Chapel-house, within there was but one thought which +possessed all the inmates. When Sally was not cooking for the +little invalid, she was crying; for she had had a dream about +green rushes, not three months ago, which, by some queer process +of oneiromancy, she interpreted to mean the death of a child; and +all Miss Benson's endeavours were directed to making her keep +silence to Ruth about this dream. Sally thought that the mother +ought to be told. What were dreams sent for but for warnings? But +it was just like a pack of Dissenters, who would not believe +anything like other folks. Miss Benson was too much accustomed to +Sally's contempt for Dissenters, as viewed from the pinnacle of +the Establishment, to pay much attention to all this grumbling; +especially as Sally was willing to take as much trouble about +Leonard as if she believed he was going to live, and that his +recovery depended upon her care. Miss Benson's great object was +to keep her from having any confidential talks with Ruth; as if +any repetition of the dream could have deepened the conviction in +Ruth's mind that the child would die. + +It seemed to her that his death would only be the fitting +punishment for the state of indifference towards him--towards +life and death--towards all things earthly or divine, into which +she had suffered herself to fall since her last interview with +Mr. Donne. She did not understand that such exhaustion is but the +natural consequence of violent agitation and severe tension of +feeling. The only relief she experienced was in constantly +serving Leonard; she had almost an animal's jealousy lest any one +should come between her and her young. Mr. Benson saw this +jealous suspicion, although he could hardly understand it; but he +calmed his sister's wonder and officious kindness, so that the +two patiently and quietly provided all that Ruth might want, but +did not interfere with her right to nurse Leonard. But when he +was recovering, Mr. Benson, with the slight tone of authority he +knew how to assume when need was, bade Ruth lie down and take +some rest, while his sister watched. Ruth did not answer, but +obeyed in a dull, weary kind of surprise at being so commanded. +She lay down by her child, gazing her fill at his calm slumber; +and, as she gazed, her large white eye lids were softly pressed +down as with a gentle, irresistible weight, and she fell asleep. +She dreamed that she was once more on the lonely shore, striving +to carry away Leonard from some pursuer--some human pursuer--she +knew he was human, and she knew who he was, although she dared +not say his name even to herself, he seemed so close and present, +gaining on her flying footsteps, rushing after her as with the +sound of the roaring tide. Her feet seemed heavy weights fixed to +the ground; they would not move. All at once, just near the +shore, a great black whirlwind of waves clutched her back to her +pursuer; she threw Leonard on to land, which was safety; but +whether he reached it or no, or was swept back like her into a +mysterious something too dreadful to be borne, she did not know, +for the terror awakened her. At first the dream seemed yet a +reality, and she thought that the pursuer was couched even there, +in that very room, and the great boom of the sea was still in her +ears. But as full consciousness returned, she saw herself safe in +the dear old room--the haven of rest--the shelter from storms. A +bright fire was glowing in the little old-fashioned, cup-shaped +grate, niched into a corner of the wall, and guarded on either +side by whitewashed bricks, which served for bobs. On one of +these the kettle hummed and buzzed, within two points of boiling +whenever she or Leonard required tea. In her dream that home-like +sound had been the roar of the relentless sea, creeping swiftly +on to seize its prey. Miss Benson sat by the fire, motionless and +still; it was too dark to read any longer without a candle; but +yet on the ceiling and upper part of the walls the golden light +of the setting sun was slowly moving--so slow, and yet a motion +gives the feeling of rest to the weary yet more than perfect +stillness. The old clock on the staircase told its monotonous +click-clack, in that soothing way which more marked the quiet of +the house than disturbed with any sense of sound. Leonard still +slept that renovating slumber, almost in her arms, far from that +fatal pursuing sea, with its human form of cruelty. The dream was +a vision; the reality which prompted the dream was over and +past--Leonard was safe--she was safe; all this loosened the +frozen springs, and they gushed forth in her heart, and her lips +moved in accordance with her thoughts. + +"What were you saying, my darling?" said Miss Benson, who caught +sight of the motion, and fancied she was asking for something. +Miss Benson bent over the side of the bed on which Ruth lay, to +catch the low tones of her voice. + +"I only said," replied Ruth timidly, "thank God! I have so much +to thank Him for you don't know." + +"My dear, I am sure we have all of us cause to be thankful that +our boy is spared. See! he is wakening up; and we will have a cup +of tea together. Leonard strode on to perfect health; but he was +made older in character and looks by his severe illness. He grew +tall and thin, and the lovely child was lost in the handsome boy. +He began to wonder and to question. Ruth mourned a little over +the vanished babyhood, when she was all in all, and over the +childhood, whose petals had fallen away; it seemed as though two +of her children were gone--the one an infant, the other a bright, +thoughtless darling; and she wished that they could have remained +quick in her memory for ever, instead of being absorbed in loving +pride for the present boy. But these were only fanciful regrets, +flitting like shadows across a mirror. Peace and thankfulness +were once more the atmosphere of her mind; nor was her +unconsciousness disturbed by any suspicion of Mr. Farquhar's +increasing approbation and admiration, which he was diligently +nursing up into love for her. She knew that he had sent--she did +not know how often he had brought--fruit for the convalescent +Leonard. She heard, on her return from her daily employment, that +Mr. Farquhar had bought a little gentle pony on which Leonard, +weak as he was, might ride. To confess the truth, her maternal +pride was such that she thought that all kindness shown to such a +boy as Leonard was but natural; she believed him to be + +"A child whom all that locked on, loved." + +As in truth he was; and the proof of this was daily shown in many +kind inquiries, and many thoughtful little offerings, besides Mr. +Farquhar's. The poor (warm and kind of heart to all sorrow common +to humanity) were touched with pity for the young widow, whose +only child lay ill, and nigh unto death. They brought what they +could--a fresh egg, when eggs were scarce--a few ripe pears that +grew on the sunniest side of the humblest cottage, where the +fruit was regarded as a source of income--a call of inquiry, and +a prayer that God would spare the child, from an old crippled +woman, who could scarcely drag herself so far as the +Chapel-house, yet felt her worn and weary heart stirred with a +sharp pang of sympathy, and a very present remembrance of the +time when she too was young, and saw the life-breath quiver out +of her child, now an angel in that heaven which felt more like +home to the desolate old creature than this empty earth. To all +such, when Leonard was better, Ruth went, and thanked them from +her heart. She and the old cripple sat hand in hand over the +scanty fire on the hearth of the latter, while she told in +solemn, broken, homely words, how her child sickened and died. +Tears fell like rain down Ruth's cheeks; but those of the old +woman were dry. All tears had been wept out of her long ago, and +now she sat patient and quiet, waiting for death. But after this +Ruth "clave unto her," and the two were henceforward a pair of +friends. Mr. Farquhar was only included in the general gratitude +which she felt towards all who had been kind to her boy. + +The winter passed away in deep peace after the storms of the +autumn, yet every now and then a feeling of insecurity made Ruth +shake for an instant. Those wild autumnal storms had torn aside +the quiet flowers and herbage that had gathered over the wreck of +her early life, and shown her that all deeds, however hidden and +long passed by, have their eternal consequences. She turned sick +and faint whenever Mr. Donne's name was casually mentioned. No +one saw it; but she felt the miserable stop in her heart's +beating, and wished that she could prevent it by any exercise of +self-command. She had never named his identity with Mr. +Bellingham, nor had she spoken about the seaside interview. Deep +shame made her silent and reserved on all her life before +Leonard's birth; from that time she rose again in her +self-respect, and spoke as openly as a child (when need was) of +all occurrences which had taken place since then; except that she +could not, and would not, tell of this mocking echo, this +haunting phantom, this past, that would not rest in its grave. +The very circumstance that it was stalking abroad in the world, +and might reappear at any moment, made her a coward: she trembled +away from contemplating what the reality had been; only, she +clung more faithfully than before to the thought of the great +God, who was a rock in the dreary land, where no shadow was. + +Autumn and winter, with their lowering skies, were less dreary +than the woeful, desolate feelings that shed a gloom on Jemima. +She found too late that she had considered Mr. Farquhar so +securely her own for so long a time, that her heart refused to +recognize him as lost to her, unless her reason went through the +same weary, convincing, miserable evidence day after day, and +hour after hour. He never spoke to her now, except from common +civility. He never cared for her contradictions; he never tried, +with patient perseverance, to bring her over to his opinions; he +never used the wonted wiles (so tenderly remembered now they had +no existence but in memory) to bring her round out of some wilful +mood--and such moods were common enough now! Frequently she was +sullenly indifferent to the feelings of others--not from any +unkindness, but because her heart seemed numb and stony, and +incapable of sympathy. Then afterwards her self-reproach was +terrible--in the dead of night when no one saw it. With a strange +perversity, the only intelligence she cared to hear, the only +sights she cared to see, were the circumstances which gave +confirmation to the idea that Mr. Farquhar was thinking of Ruth +for a wife. She craved with stinging curiosity to hear something +of their affairs every day; partly because the torture which such +intelligence gave was almost a relief from the deadness of her +heart to all other interests. + +And so spring (gioventu dell'anno) came back to her, bringing all +the contrasts which spring alone can bring to add to the +heaviness of the soul. The little winged creatures filled the air +with bursts of joy; the vegetation came bright and hopefully +onwards, without any check of nipping frost. The ash-trees in the +Bradshaws' garden were out in leaf by the middle of May, which +that year wore more the aspect of summer than most Junes do. The +sunny weather mocked Jemima, and the unusual warmth oppressed her +physical powers. She felt very weak and languid; she was acutely +sensible that no one else noticed her want of strength; father, +mother, all seemed too full of other things to care, if, as she +believed, her life was waning. She herself felt glad that it was +so. But her delicacy was not unnoticed by all. Her mother often +anxiously asked her husband if he did not think Jemima was +looking ill; nor did his affirmation to the contrary satisfy her, +as most of his affirmations did. She thought every morning, +before she got up, how she could tempt Jemima to eat, by ordering +some favourite dainty for dinner; in many other little ways she +tried to minister to her child; but the poor girl's own abrupt +irritability of temper had made her mother afraid of openly +speaking to her about her health. + +Ruth, too, saw that Jemima was not looking well. How she had +become an object of dislike to her former friend she did not +know; but she was sensible that Miss Bradshaw disliked her now. +She was not aware that this feeling was growing and strengthening +almost into repugnance, for she seldom saw Jemima out of +school-hours, and then only for a minute or two. But the evil +element of a fellow-creature's dislike oppressed the atmosphere +of her life. That fellow-creature was one who had once loved her +so fondly, and whom she still loved, although she had learnt to +fear her, as we fear those whose faces cloud over when we come in +sight--who cast unloving glances at us, of which we, though not +seeing, are conscious, as of some occult influence; and the cause +of whose dislike is unknown to us, though every word and action +seems to increase it. I believe that this sort of dislike is only +shown by the jealous, and that it renders the disliker even more +miserable, because more continually conscious than the object; +but the growing evidences of Jemima's feeling made Ruth very +unhappy at times. This very May, too, an idea had come into her +mind, which she had tried to repress--namely, that Mr. Farquhar +was in love with her. It annoyed her extremely; it made her +reproach herself that she ever should think such a thing +possible. She tried to strangle the notion, to drown it, to +starve it out by neglect--its existence caused her such pain and +distress. + +The worst was, he had won Leonard's heart, who was constantly +seeking him out; or, when absent, talking about him. The best was +some journey connected with business, which would take him to the +Continent for several weeks; and, during that time, surely this +disagreeable fancy of his would die away, if untrue; and if true, +some way would be opened by which she might put a stop to all +increase of predilection on his part, and yet retain him as a +friend for Leonard--that darling for whom she was far-seeing and +covetous, and miserly of every scrap of love and kindly regard. + +Mr. Farquhar would not have been flattered, if he had known how +much his departure contributed to Ruth's rest of mind on the +Saturday afternoon on which he set out on his journey. It was a +beautiful day; the sky of that intense quivering blue, which +seemed as though you could look through it for ever, yet not +reach the black, infinite space which is suggested as lying +beyond. Now and then, a thin, torn, vaporous cloud floated slowly +within the vaulted depth; but the soft air that gently wafted it +was not perceptible among the leaves on the trees, which did not +even tremble. Ruth sat at her work in the shadow formed by the +old grey garden wall; Miss Benson and Sally--the one in the +parlour window-seat mending stockings, the other hard at work in +her kitchen--were both within talking distance, for it was +weather for open doors and windows; but none of the three kept up +any continued conversation; and in the intervals Ruth sang low a +brooding song, such as she remembered her mother singing long +ago. Now and then she stopped to look at Leonard, who was +labouring away with vehement energy at digging over a small plot +of ground, where he meant to prick out some celery plants that +had been given to him. Ruth's heart warmed at the earnest, +spirited way in which he thrust his large spade deep down into +the brown soil his ruddy face glowing, his curly hair wet with +the exertion; and yet she sighed to think that the days were over +when her deeds of skill could give him pleasure. Now, his delight +was in acting himself; last year, not fourteen months ago, he had +watched her making a daisy-chain for him, as if he could not +admire her cleverness enough; this year, this week, when she had +been devoting every spare hour to the simple tailoring which she +performed for her boy (she had always made every article he wore, +and felt almost jealous of the employment), he had come to her +with a wistful look, and asked when he might begin to have +clothes made by a man? + +Ever since the Wednesday when she had accompanied Mary and +Elizabeth, at Mrs. Bradshaw's desire, to be measured for spring +clothes by the new Eccleston dress-maker, she had been looking +forward to this Saturday afternoon's pleasure of making summer +trousers for Leonard; but the satisfaction of the employment was +a little taken away by Leonard's speech. It was a sign, however, +that her life was very quiet and peaceful, that she had leisure +to think upon the thing at all; and often she forgot it entirely +in her low, chanting song, or in listening to the thrush warbling +out his afternoon ditty to his patient mate in the holly-bush +below. + +The distant rumble of carts through the busy streets (it was +market-day) not only formed a low rolling bass to the nearer and +pleasanter sounds, but enhanced the sense of peace by the +suggestion of the contrast afforded to the repose of the garden +by the bustle not far off. + +But, besides physical din and bustle, there is mental strife and +turmoil. That afternoon, as Jemima was restlessly wandering about +the house, her mother desired her to go on an errand to Mrs. +Pearson's, the new dressmaker, in order to give some directions +about her sisters' new frocks. Jemima went, rather than have the +trouble of resisting; or else she would have preferred staying at +home, moving or being outwardly quiet according to her own fitful +will. Mrs. Bradshaw, who, as I have said, had been aware for some +time that something was wrong with her daughter, and was very +anxious to set it to rights if she only knew how, had rather +planned this errand with a view to dispel Jemima's melancholy. + +"And, Mimie dear," said her mother, "when you are there, look out +for a new bonnet for yourself; she has got some very pretty ones, +and your old one is so shabby." + +"It does for me, mother," said Jemima heavily. "I don't want a +new bonnet." + +"But I want you to have one, my lassie. I want my girl to look +well and nice." There was something of homely tenderness in Mrs. +Bradshaw's tone that touched Jemima's heart. She went to her +mother, and kissed her with more of affection than she had shown +to any one for weeks before; and the kiss was returned with warm +fondness. + +"I think you love me, mother," said Jemima. + +"We all love you, dear, if you would but think so. And if you +want anything, or wish for anything, only tell me, and with a +little patience, I can get your father to give it you, I know. +Only be happy, there's a good girl." + +"Be happy! as if one could by an effort of will!" thought Jemima +as she went along the street, too absorbed in herself to notice +the bows of acquaintances and friends, but instinctively guiding +herself right among the throng and press of carts, and gigs, and +market people in High Street. + +But her mother's tones and looks, with their comforting power, +remained longer in her recollection than the inconsistency of any +words spoken. When she had completed her errand about the frocks, +she asked to look at some bonnets, in order to show her +recognition of her mother's kind thought. + +Mrs. Pearson was a smart, clever-looking woman of five or six and +thirty. She had all the variety of small-talk at her finger-ends, +that was formerly needed by barbers to amuse the people who came +to be shaved. She had admired the town till Jemima was weary of +its praises, sick and oppressed by its sameness, as she had been +these many weeks. + +"Here are some bonnets, ma'am, that will be just the thing for +you--elegant and tasty, yet quite of the simple style, suitable +to young ladies. Oblige me by trying on this white silk!" + +Jemima looked at herself in the glass; she was obliged to own it +was very becoming, and perhaps not the less so for the flush of +modest shame which came into her cheeks, as she heard Mrs. +Pearson's open praises of the "rich, beautiful hair," and the +"Oriental eyes" of the wearer. + +"I induced the young lady who accompanied your sisters the other +day--the governess, is she, ma'am?" + +"Yes--Mrs. Denbigh is her name," said Jemima, clouding over. + +"Thank you, ma'am. Well, I persuaded Mrs. Denbigh to try on that +bonnet, and you can't think how charming she looked in it; and +yet I don't think it became her as much as it does you." + +"Mrs. Denbigh is very beautiful," said Jemima, taking off the +bonnet, and not much inclined to try on any other. + +"Very, ma'am. Quite a peculiar style of beauty. If I might be +allowed, I should say that hers was a Grecian style of +loveliness, while yours was Oriental. She reminded me of a young +person I once knew in Fordham." Mrs. Pearson sighed an audible +sigh. + +"In Fordham!" said Jemima, remembering that Ruth had once spoken +of the place as one in which she had spent some time, while the +county in which it was situated was the same in which Ruth was +born. "In Fordham! Why, I think Mrs. Denbigh comes from that +neighbourhood." + +"Oh, ma'am! she cannot be the young person I mean--I am sure, +ma'am--holding the position she does in your establishment. I +should hardly say I knew her myself; for I only saw her two or +three times at my sister's house; but she was so remarked for her +beauty, that I remember her face quite well--the more so, on +account of her vicious conduct afterwards." + +"Her vicious conduct!" repeated Jemima, convinced by these words +that there could be no identity between Ruth and "young person" +alluded to. "Then it could not have been our Mrs. Denbigh." + +"Oh no, ma'am! I am sure I should be sorry to be understood to +have suggested anything of the kind. I beg your pardon if I did +so. All I meant to say--and perhaps that was a liberty I ought +not to have taken, considering what Ruth Hilton was----" + +"Ruth Hilton!" said Jemima, turning suddenly round, and facing +Mrs. Pearson. + +"Yes, ma'am, that was the name of the young person I allude to." + +"Tell me about her--what did she do?" asked Jemima, subduing her +eagerness of tone and look as best she might, but trembling as on +the verge of some strange discovery. + +"I don't know whether I ought to tell you, ma'am--it is hardly a +fit story for a young lady; but this Ruth Hilton was an +apprentice to my sister-in-law, who had a first-rate business in +Fordham, which brought her a good deal of patronage from the +county families; and this young creature was very artful and +bold, and thought sadly too much of her beauty; and, somehow, she +beguiled a young gentleman, who took her into keeping (I am sure, +ma'am, I ought to apologise for polluting your ears)----" + +"Go on," said Jemima breathlessly. + +"I don't know much more. His mother followed him into Wales. She +was a lady of a great deal of religion, and a very old family, +and was much shocked at her son's misfortune in being captivated +by such a person; but she led him to repentance, and took him to +Paris, where, I think, she died; but I am not sure, for, owing to +family differences, I have not been on terms for some years with +my sister-in-law, who was my informant." + +"Who died?" interrupted Jemima--"the young man's mother, or--or +Ruth Hilton?" + +"Oh dear, ma'am! pray don't confuse the two. It was the mother, +Mrs. ---- I forget the name--something like Billington. It was +the lady who died." + +"And what became of the other?" asked Jemima, unable, as her dark +suspicion seemed thickening, to speak the name. + +"The girl? Why, ma'am, what could become of her? Not that I know +exactly--only one knows they can but go from bad to worse, poor +creatures! God forgive me, if I am speaking too transiently of +such degraded women, who, after all, are a disgrace to our sex." + +"Then you know nothing more about her?" asked Jemima. + +"I did hear that she had gone off with another gentleman that she +met with in Wales, but I'm sure I can't tell who told me." + +There was a little pause. Jemima was pondering on all she had +heard. Suddenly she felt that Mrs. Pearson's eyes were upon her, +watching her; not with curiosity, but with a newly-awakened +intelligence;--and yet she must ask one more question; but she +tried to ask it in an indifferent, careless tone, handling the +bonnet while she spoke. + +"How long is it since all this--all you have been telling me +about--happened!" (Leonard was eight years old.) + +"Why--let me see. It was before I was married, and I was married +three years, and poor dear Pearson has been deceased five--I +should say going on for nine years this summer. Blush roses would +become your complexion, perhaps, better than these lilacs," said +she, as with superficial observation she watched Jemima turning +the bonnet round and round on her hand--the bonnet that her dizzy +eyes did not see. + +"Thank you. It is very pretty. But I don't want a bonnet. I beg +your pardon for taking up your time." And with an abrupt bow to +the discomfited Mrs. Pearson, she was out and away in the open +air, threading her way with instinctive energy along the crowded +street. Suddenly she turned round, and went back to Mrs. +Pearson's with even more rapidity than she had been walking away +from the house. + +"I have changed my mind," said she, as she came, breathless, up +into the show-room. "I will take the bonnet. How much is it?" + +"Allow me to change the flowers; it can be done in an instant, +and then you can see if you would not prefer the roses; but with +either foliage it is a lovely little bonnet," said Mrs. Pearson, +holding it up admiringly on her hand. + +"Oh! never mind the flowers--yes! change them to the roses." And +she stood by, agitated (Mrs. Pearson thought with impatience), +all the time the milliner was making the alteration with skilful, +busy haste. + +"By the way," said Jemima, when she saw the last touches were +being given, and that she must not delay executing the purpose +which was the real cause of her return--"Papa, I am sure, would +not like your connecting Mrs. Denbigh's name with such a--story +as you have been telling me." + +"Oh dear! ma'am, I have too much respect for you all to think of +doing such a thing! Of course I know, ma'am, that it is not to be +cast up to any lady that she is like any-body disreputable." + +"But I would rather you did not name the likeness to any one," +said Jemima; "not to any one. Don't tell any one the story you +have told me this morning." + +"Indeed, ma'am, I should never think of such a thing! My poor +husband could have borne witness that I am as close as the grave +where there is anything to conceal." + +"Oh dear!" said Jemima, "Mrs. Pearson, there is nothing to +conceal; only you must not speak about it." + +"I certainly shall not do it, ma'am; you may rest assured of me." + +This time Jemima did not go towards home, but in the direction of +the outskirts of the town, on the hilly side. She had some dim +recollection of hearing her sisters ask if they might not go and +invite Leonard and his mother to tea; and how could she face +Ruth, after the conviction had taken possession of her heart that +she, and the sinful creature she bad just heard of, were one and +the same? It was yet only the middle of the afternoon; the hours +were early in the old-fashioned town of Eccleston. Soft white +clouds had come slowly sailing up out of the west; the plain was +flecked with thin floating shadows, gently borne along by the +westerly wind that was waving the long grass in the hay-fields +into alternate light and shade. Jemima went into one of these +fields, lying by the side of the upland road. She was stunned by +the shock she had received. The diver leaving the green sward, +smooth and known, where his friends stand with their familiar +smiling faces, admiring his glad bravery--the diver, down in an +instant in the horrid depths of the sea, close to some strange, +ghastly, lidless-eyed monster, can hardly more feel his blood +curdle at the near terror than did Jemima now. Two hours ago--but +a point of time on her mind's dial--she had never Imagined that +she should ever come in contact with any one who had committed +open sin; she had never shaped her conviction into words and +sentences, but still it was there, that all the respectable, all +the family and religious circumstances of her life, would hedge +her in, and guard her from ever encountering the great shock of +coming face to face with Vice. Without being pharisaical in her +estimation of herself, she had all a Pharisee's dread of +publicans and sinners, and all a child's cowardliness--that +cowardliness which prompts it to shut its eyes against the object +of terror, rather than acknowledge its existence with brave +faith. Her father's often reiterated speeches had not been +without their effect. He drew a clear line of partition, which +separated mankind into two great groups, to one of which, by the +grace of God, he and his belonged; while the other was composed +of those whom it was his duty to try and reform, and bring the +whole force of his morality to bear upon, with lectures, +admonitions, and exhortations--a duty to be performed, because it +was a duty--but with very little of that Hope and Faith which is +the Spirit that maketh alive. Jemima had rebelled against these +hard doctrines of her father's, but their frequent repetition had +had its effect, and led her to look upon those who had gone +astray with shrinking, shuddering recoil, instead of with a pity +so Christ-like as to have both wisdom and tenderness in it. + +And now she saw among her own familiar associates one, almost her +house-fellow, who had been stained with that evil most repugnant +to her womanly modesty, that would fain have ignored its +existence altogether. She loathed the thought of meeting Ruth +again. She wished that she could take her up, and put her down at +a distance somewhere--anywhere--where she might never see or hear +of her more; never be reminded, as she must be whenever she saw +her, that such things were in this sunny, bright, lark-singing +earth, over which the blue dome of heaven bent softly down as +Jemima sat in the hay-field that June afternoon; her cheeks +flushed and red, but her lips pale and compressed, and her eyes +full of a heavy, angry sorrow. It was Saturday, and the people in +that part of the country left their work an hour earlier on that +day. By this, Jemima knew it must be growing time for her to be +at home. She had had so much of conflict in her own mind of late, +that she had grown to dislike struggle, or speech, or +explanation; and so strove to conform to times and hours much +more than she had done in happier days. But oh! how full of hate +her heart was growing against the world! And oh! how she sickened +at the thought of seeing Ruth! Who was to be trusted more, if +Ruth--calm, modest, delicate, dignified Ruth--had a memory +blackened by sin? As she went heavily along, the thought of Mr. +Farquhar came into her mind. It showed how terrible had been the +stun, that he had been forgotten until now. With the thought of +him came in her first merciful feeling towards Ruth. This would +never have been, had there been the least latent suspicion in +Jemima's jealous mind that Ruth had purposely done aught--looked +a look--uttered a word--modulated a tone--for the sake of +attracting. As Jemima recalled all the passages of their +intercourse, she slowly confessed to herself how pure and simple +had been all Ruth's ways in relation to Mr. Farquhar. It was not +merely that there had been no coquetting, but there had been +simple unconsciousness on Ruth's part, for so long a time after +Jemima bad discovered Mr. Farquhar's inclination for her; and, +when at length she had slowly awakened to some perception of the +state of his feelings, there had been a modest, shrinking dignity +of manner, not startled, or emotional, or even timid, but pure, +grave, and quiet; and this conduct of Ruth's Jemima instinctively +acknowledged to be of necessity transparent and sincere. Now, and +here, there was no hypocrisy; but some time, somewhere, on the +part of somebody, what hypocrisy, what lies must have been acted, +if not absolutely spoken, before Ruth could have been received by +them all as the sweet, gentle, girlish widow, which she +remembered they had all believed Mrs. Denbigh to be when first +she came among them! Could Mr. and Miss Benson know? Could they +be a party to the deceit? Not sufficiently acquainted with the +world to understand how strong had been the temptation to play +the part they did, if they wished to give Ruth a chance, Jemima +could not believe them guilty of such deceit as the knowledge of +Mrs. Denbigh's previous conduct would imply; and yet how it +darkened the latter into a treacherous hypocrite, with a black +secret shut up in her soul for years--living in apparent +confidence, and daily household familiarity with the Bensons for +years, yet never telling the remorse that ought to be corroding +her heart! Who was true? Who was not? Who was good and pure? Who +was not? The very foundations of Jemima's belief in her mind were +shaken. + +Could it be false? Could there be two Ruth Hiltons? She went over +every morsel of evidence. It could not be. She knew that Mrs. +Denbigh's former name had been Hilton. She had heard her speak +casually, but charily, of having lived in Fordham. She knew she +had been in Wales but a short time before she made her appearance +in Eccleston. There was no doubt of the identity. Into the middle +of Jemima's pain and horror at the afternoon's discovery, there +came a sense of the power which the knowledge of this secret gave +her over Ruth; but this was no relief, only an aggravation of the +regret with which Jemima looked back on her state of ignorance. +It was no wonder that when she arrived at home, she was so +oppressed with headache that she had to go to bed directly. + +"Quiet, mother! quiet, dear, dear mother" (for she clung to the +known and tried goodness of her mother more than ever now), "that +is all I want." And she was left to the stillness of her darkened +room, the blinds idly flapping to and fro in the soft evening +breeze, and letting in the rustling sound of the branches which +waved close to her window, and the thrush's gurgling warble, and +the distant hum of the busy town. + +Her jealousy was gone--she knew not how or where. She might shun +and recoil from Ruth, but she now thought that she could never +more be jealous of her. In her pride of innocence, she felt +almost ashamed that such a feeling could have had existence. +Could Mr. Farquhar hesitate between her own self and one who---- +No! she could not name what Ruth had been, even in thought. And +yet he might never know, so fair a seeming did her rival wear. +Oh! for one ray of God's holy light to know what was seeming, and +what was truth, in this traitorous hollow earth! It might be--she +used to think such things possible, before sorrow had embittered +her--that Ruth had worked her way through the deep purgatory of +repentance up to something like purity again; God only knew! If +her present goodness was real--if, after having striven back thus +far on the heights, a fellow-woman was to throw her down into +some terrible depth with her unkind, incontinent tongue, that +would be too cruel! And yet, if--there was such woeful +uncertainty and deceit somewhere--if Ruth----No! that, Jemima +with noble candour admitted, was impossible. Whatever Ruth had +been, she was good, and to be respected as such, now. It did not +follow that Jemima was to preserve the secret always; she doubted +her own power to do so, if Mr. Farquhar came home again, and were +still constant in his admiration of Mrs. Denbigh, and if Mrs. +Denbigh gave him any--the least encouragement. But this last she +thought, from what she knew of Ruth's character, was impossible. +Only, what was impossible after this afternoon's discovery? At +any rate, she would watch and wait. Come what might, Ruth was in +her power. And, strange to say, this last certainty gave Jemima a +kind of protecting, almost pitying, feeling for Ruth. Her horror +at the wrong was not diminished; but, the more she thought of the +struggles that the wrong-doer must have made to extricate +herself, the more she felt how cruel it would be to baffle all by +revealing what had been. But for her sisters' sake she had a duty +to perform; she must watch Ruth. For her lover's sake she could +not have helped watching; but she was too much stunned to +recognise the force of her love, while duty seemed the only +stable thing to cling to. For the present she would neither +meddle nor mar in Ruth's course of life. + + +CHAPTER XXVI + + +MR. BRADSHAW'S VIRTUOUS INDIGNATION + +So it was that Jemima no longer avoided Ruth, nor manifested by +word or look the dislike which for a long time she had been +scarce concealing. Ruth could not help noticing that Jemima +always sought to be in her presence while she was at Mr. +Bradshaw's house; either when daily teaching Mary and Elizabeth, +or when she came as an occasional visitor with Mr. and Miss +Benson, or by herself. Up to this time Jemima had used no gentle +skill to conceal the abruptness with which she would leave the +room rather than that Ruth and she should be brought into +contact--rather than that it should fall to her lot to entertain +Ruth during any part of the evening. It was months since Jemima +had left off sitting in the schoolroom, as had been her wont +during the first few years of Ruth's governess-ship. Now, each +morning Miss Bradshaw seated herself at a little round table in +the window, at her work, or at her writing; but, whether she +sewed, or wrote, or read, Ruth felt that she was always +watching--watching. At first Ruth had welcomed all these changes +in habit and behaviour, as giving her a chance, she thought, by +some patient waiting or some opportune show of enduring, constant +love, to regain her lost friend's regard; but by-and-by the icy +chillness, immovable and grey, struck more to her heart than many +sudden words of unkindness could have done. They might be +attributed to the hot impulses of a hasty temper--to the vehement +anger of an accuser; but this measured manner was the conscious +result of some deep-seated feeling; this cold sternness befitted +the calm implacability of some severe judge. The watching, which +Ruth felt was ever upon her, made her unconsciously shiver, as +you would if you saw that the passionless eyes of the dead were +visibly gazing upon you. Her very being shrivelled and parched up +in Jemima's presence, as if blown upon by a bitter, keen east +wind. + +Jemima bent every power she possessed upon the one object of +ascertaining what Ruth really was. Sometimes the strain was very +painful; the constant tension made her soul weary; and she moaned +aloud, and upbraided circumstance (she dared not go higher--to +the Maker of circumstance) for having deprived her of her +unsuspicious, happy ignorance. + +Things were in this state when Mr. Richard Bradshaw came on his +annual home visit. He was to remain another year in London, and +then to return and be admitted into the firm. After he had been a +week at home he grew tired of the monotonous regularity of his +father's household, and began to complain of it to Jemima. + +"I wish Farquhar were at home. Though he is such a stiff, quiet +old fellow, his coming in in the evenings makes a change. What +has become of the Millses? They used to drink tea with us +sometimes, formerly." + +"Oh! papa and Mr. Mills took opposite sides at the election, and +we have never visited since. I don't think they are any great +loss." Anybody is a loss--the stupidest bore that ever was would +be a blessing, if he only would come in sometimes." + +"Mr. and Miss Benson have drunk tea here twice since you came." + +"Come, that's capital! Apropos of stupid bores, you talk of the +Bensons. I did not think you had so much discrimination, my +little sister." + +Jemima looked up in surprise; and then reddened angrily. + +"I never meant to say a word against Mr. or Miss Benson, and that +you know quite well, Dick." + +"Never mind! I won't tell tales. They are stupid old fogeys, but +they are better than nobody, especially as that handsome +governess of the girls always comes with them to be looked at." + +There was a little pause; Richard broke it by saying-- + +"Do you know, Mimie, I've a notion, if she plays her cards well, +she may hook Farquhar!" + +"Who?" asked Jemima shortly, though she knew quite well. + +"Mrs. Denbigh, to be sure. We were talking of her, you know. +Farquhar asked me to dine with him at his hotel as he passed +through town, and--I'd my own reasons for going and trying to +creep up his sleeve--I wanted him to tip me, as he used to do." + +"For shame! Dick," burst in Jemima. + +"Well, well! not tip me exactly, but lend me some money. The +governor keeps me deucedly short." + +"Why! it was only yesterday, when my father was speaking about +your expenses, and your allowance, I heard you say that you'd +more than you knew how to spend." + +"Don't you see that was the perfection of art? If my father had +thought me extravagant, he would have kept me in with a tight +rein; as it is, I'm in great hopes of a handsome addition, and I +can tell you it's needed. If my father had given me what I ought +to have had at first, I should not have been driven to the +speculations and messes I've got into." + +"What speculations? What messes?" asked Jemima, with anxious +eagerness. + +"Oh! messes was not the right word. Speculations hardly was; for +they are sure to turn out well, and then I shall surprise my +father with my riches." He saw that he had gone a little too far +in his confidence, and was trying to draw in. "But what do you +mean? Do explain it to me." + +"Never you trouble your head about my business, my dear. Women +can't understand the share-market, and such things. Don't think +I've forgotten the awful blunders you made when you tried to read +the state of the money-market aloud to my father that night when +he had lost his spectacles. What were we talking of? Oh! of +Farquhar and pretty Mrs. Denbigh. Yes! I soon found out that was +the subject my gentleman liked me to dwell on. He did not talk +about her much himself, but his eyes sparkled when I told him +what enthusiastic letters Polly and Elizabeth wrote about her. +How old do you think she is?" + +"I know!" said Jemima. "At least I heard her age spoken about, +amongst other things, when first she came. She will be +five-and-twenty this autumn." + +"And Farquhar is forty, if he is a day. She's young, too, to have +such a boy as Leonard; younger-looking, or full as young-looking +as she is! I tell you what, Mimie, she looks younger than you. +How old are you? Three-and-twenty, ain't it?" + +"Last March," replied Jemima. + +"You'll have to make haste and pick up somebody, if you're losing +your good looks at this rate. Why, Jemima, I thought you had a +good chance of Farquhar a year or two ago. How come you to have +lost him? I'd far rather you'd had him than that proud, haughty +Mrs. Denbigh, who flashes her great grey eyes upon me if ever I +dare to pay her a compliment. She ought to think it an honour +that I take that much notice of her. Besides, Farquhar is rich, +and it's keeping the business of the firm in one's own family; +and if he marries Mrs. Denbigh she will be sure to be wanting +Leonard in when he's of age, and I won't have that. Have a try +for Farquhar, Mimie! Ten to one it's not too late. I wish I'd +brought you a pink bonnet down. You go about 'so dowdy--so +careless of how you look." + +"If Mr. Farquhar has not liked me as I am," said Jemima, choking, +"I don't want to owe him to a pink bonnet." + +"Nonsense! I don't like to have my sisters' governess stealing a +march on my sister. I tell you Farquhar is worth trying for. If +you'll wear the pink bonnet I'll give it to you, and I'll back +you against Mrs. Denbigh. I think you might have done something +with 'our member,' as my father calls him, when you had him so +long in the house. But, altogether, I should like Farquhar best +for a brother-in-law. By the way, have you heard down here that +Donne is going to be married? I heard of it in town, just before +I left, from a man that was good authority. Some Sir Thomas +Campbell's seventh daughter: a girl without a penny; father +ruined himself by gambling, and obliged to live abroad. But Donne +is not a man to care for any obstacle, from all accounts, when +once he has taken a fancy. It was love at first sight, they say. +I believe he did not know of her existence a month ago." + +"No! we have not heard of it," replied Jemima. "My father will +like to know; tell it him;" continued she, as she was leaving the +room, to be alone, in order to still her habitual agitation +whenever she heard Mr. Farquhar and Ruth coupled together. + +Mr. Farquhar came home the day before Richard Bradshaw left for +town. He dropped in after tea at the Bradshaws'; he was evidently +disappointed to see none but the family there, and looked round +whenever the door opened. + +"Look! look!" said Dick to his sister. "I wanted to make sure of +his coming in to-night, to save me my father's parting +exhortations against the temptations of the world (as if I did +not know much more of the world than he does!), so I used a spell +I thought would prove efficacious; I told him that we should be +by ourselves, with the exception of Mrs. Denbigh, and look how he +is expecting her to come in!" + +Jemima did see; did understand. She understood, too, why certain +packets were put carefully on one side, apart from the rest of +the purchases of Swiss toys and jewellery, by which Mr. Farquhar +proved that none of Mr. Bradshaw's family had been forgotten by +him during his absence. Before the end of the evening, she was +very conscious that her sore heart had not forgotten how to be +jealous. Her brother did not allow a word, a look, or an +incident, which might be supposed on Mr. Farquhar's side to +refer to Ruth to pass unnoticed; he pointed out all to his +sister, never dreaming of the torture he was inflicting, only +anxious to prove his own extreme penetration. At length Jemima +could stand it no longer, and left the room. She went into the +schoolroom, where the shutters were not closed, as it only looked +into the garden. She opened the window, to let the cool night air +blow in on her hot cheeks. The clouds were hurrying over the +moon's face in a tempestuous and unstable manner, making all +things seem unreal; now clear out in its bright light, now +trembling and quivering in shadow. The pain at her heart seemed +to make Jemima's brain grow dull; she laid her head on her arms, +which rested on the window-sill, and grew dizzy with the sick +weary notion that the earth was wandering lawless and aimless +through the heavens, where all seemed one tossed and whirling +wrack of clouds. It was a waking nightmare, from the uneasy +heaviness of which she was thankful to be roused by Dick's +entrance. + +"What, you are here, are you? I have been looking everywhere for +you. I wanted to ask you if you have any spare money you could +lend me for a few weeks?" + +"How much do you want?" asked Jemima, in a dull, hopeless voice. + +"Oh! the more the better. But I should be glad of any trifle, I +am kept so confoundedly short." + +When Jemima returned with her little store, even her careless, +selfish brother was struck by the wanness of her face, lighted by +the bed-candle she carried. + +"Come, Mimie, don't give it up. If I were you, I would have a +good try against Mrs. Denbigh. I'll send you the bonnet as soon +as ever I get back to town, and you pluck up a spirit, and I'll +back you against her even yet." + +It seemed to Jemima strange--and yet only a fitting part of this +strange, chaotic world--to find that her brother, who was the +last person to whom she could have given her confidence in her +own family, and almost the last person of her acquaintance to +whom she could look for real help and sympathy, should have been +the only one to hit upon the secret of her love. And the idea +passed away from his mind as quickly as all ideas not bearing +upon his own self-interests did. + +The night, the sleepless night, was so crowded and haunted by +miserable images, that she longed for day; and when day came, +with its stinging realities, she wearied and grew sick for the +solitude of night. For the next week, she seemed to see and hear +nothing but what confirmed the idea of Mr. Farquhar's decided +attachment to Ruth. Even her mother spoke of it as a thing which +was impending, and which she wondered how Mr. Bradshaw would +like; for his approval or disapproval was the standard by which +she measured all things. + +"Oh! merciful God," prayed Jemima, in the dead silence of the +night, "the strain is too great--I cannot bear it longer--my +life--my love--the very essence of me, which is myself through +time and eternity; and on the other side there is all-pitying +Charity. If she had not been what she is--if she had shown any +sign of triumph--any knowledge of her prize--if she had made any +effort to gain his dear heart, I must have given way long ago, +and taunted her, even if I did not tell others--taunted her, even +though I sank down to the pit the next moment. + +"The temptation is too strong for me. O Lord! where is Thy peace +that I believed in, in my childhood?--that I hear people speaking +of now as if it hushed up the troubles of life, and had not to be +sought for--sought for, as with tears of blood!" + +There was no sound nor answer to this wild imploring cry, which +Jemima half thought must force out a sign from Heaven. But there +was a dawn stealing on through the darkness of her night. + +It was glorious weather for the end of August. The nights were as +full of light as the days--everywhere, save in the low dusky +meadows by the river-side, where the mists rose and blended the +pale sky with the lands below. Unknowing of the care and trouble +around them, Mary and Elizabeth exulted in the weather, and saw +some new glory in every touch of the year's decay. They were +clamorous for an expedition to the hills, before the calm +stillness of the autumn should be disturbed by storms. They +gained permission to go on the next Wednesday--the next +half-holiday. They had won their mother over to consent to a full +holiday, but their father would not hear of it. Mrs. Bradshaw had +proposed an early dinner, but the idea was scouted at by the +girls. What would the expedition be worth if they did not carry +their dinners with them in baskets? Anything out of a basket, and +eaten in the open air, was worth twenty times as much as the most +sumptuous meal in the house. So the baskets were packed up, while +Mrs. Bradshaw wailed over probable colds to be caught from +sitting on the damp ground. Ruth and Leonard were to go, they +four. Jemima had refused all invitations to make one of the +party; and yet she had a half-sympathy with her sisters' joy--a +sort of longing, lingering look back to the time when she too +would have revelled in the prospect that lay before them. They, +too, would grow up, and suffer; though now they played, +regardless of their doom. + +The morning was bright and glorious; just cloud enough, as some +one said, to make the distant plain look beautiful from the +hills, with its floating shadows passing over the golden +corn-fields. Leonard was to join them at twelve, when his lessons +with Mr. Benson, and the girls' with their masters, should be +over. Ruth took off her bonnet, and folded her shawl with her +usual dainty, careful neatness, and laid them aside in a corner +of the room to be in readiness. She tried to forget the pleasure +she always anticipated from a long walk towards the hills while +the morning's work went on; but she showed enough of sympathy to +make the girls cling round her with many a caress of joyous love. +Everything was beautiful in their eyes; from the shadows of the +quivering leaves on the wall to the glittering beads of dew, not +yet absorbed by the sun, which decked the gossamer web in the +vine outside the window. Eleven o'clock struck. The Latin master +went away, wondering much at the radiant faces of his pupils, and +thinking that it was only very young people who could take such +pleasure in the "Delectus." Ruth said, "Now do let us try to be +very steady this next hour," and Mary pulled back Ruth's head, +and gave the pretty budding mouth a kiss. They sat down to work, +while Mrs. Denbigh read aloud. A fresh sun-gleam burst into the +room, and they looked at each other with glad, anticipating eyes. + +Jemima came in, ostensibly to seek for a book, but really from +that sort of restless weariness of any one place or employment +which had taken possession of her since Mr. Farquhar's return. +She stood before the bookcase in the recess, languidly passing +over the titles in search of the one she wanted. Ruth's voice +lost a tone or two of its peacefulness, and her eyes looked more +dim and anxious at Jemima's presence. She wondered in her heart +if she dared to ask Miss Bradshaw to accompanying them in their +expedition. Eighteen months ago she would have urged it on her +friend with soft, loving entreaty; now she was afraid even to +propose it as a hard possibility; everything she did or said was +taken so wrongly--seemed to add to the old dislike, or the later +stony contempt with which Miss Bradshaw had regarded her. While +they were in this way Mr. Bradshaw came into the room. His +entrance--his being at home at all at this time--was so unusual a +thing, that the reading was instantly stopped; and all four +involuntarily looked at him, as if expecting some explanation of +his unusual proceeding. + +His face was almost purple with suppressed agitation. + +"Mary and Elizabeth, leave the room. Don't stay to pack up your +books. Leave the room, I say!" He spoke with trembling anger, and +the frightened girls obeyed without a won A cloud passing over +the sun cast a cold gloom into the room which was late so bright +and beaming; but, by equalising the light, it took away the dark +shadow from the place where Jemima had been standing, and her +figure caught her father's eye. + +"Leave the room, Jemima," said he. + +"Why, father?" replied she, in an opposition that was strange +even to herself, but which was prompted by the sullen passion +which seethed below the stagnant surface of her life, and which +sought a vent in defiance. She maintained her ground, facing +round upon her father, and Ruth--Ruth, who had risen, and stood +trembling, shaking, a lightning-fear having shown her the +precipice on which she stood. It was of no use; no quiet, +innocent life--no profound silence, even to her own heart, as to +the Past; the old offence could never be drowned in the Deep; but +thus, when all was calm on the great, broad, sunny sea, it rose +to the surface, and faced her with its unclosed eyes and its +ghastly countenance. The blood bubbled up to her brain, and made +such a sound there, as of boiling waters, that she did not hear +the words which Mr. Bradshaw first spoke; indeed, his speech was +broken and disjointed by intense passion. But she needed not to +hear; she knew. As she rose up at first, so she stood now--numb +and helpless. When her ears heard again (as if the sounds were +drawing nearer, and becoming more distinct, from some faint, +vague distance of space), Mr. Bradshaw was saying, "If there be +one sin I hate--I utterly loathe--more than all others, it is +wantonness. It includes all other sins. It is but of a piece that +you should have come with your sickly, hypocritical face imposing +upon us all. I trust Benson did not know of it--for his own sake, +I trust not. Before God, if he got you into my house on false +pretences, he shall find his charity at other men's expense shall +cost him dear--you--the common talk of Eccleston for your +profligacy----" He was absolutely choked by his boiling +indignation. Ruth stood speechless, motionless. Her head drooped +a little forward; her eyes were more than half veiled by the +large quivering lids; her arms hung down straight and heavy. At +last she heaved the weight off her heart enough to say, in a +faint, moaning voice, speaking with infinite difficulty-- + +"I was so young." + +"The more depraved, the more disgusting you," Mr. Bradshaw +exclaimed, almost glad that the woman, unresisting so long, +should now begin to resist. But, to his surprise (for in his +anger he had forgotten her presence), Jemima moved forwards and +said, "Father!" + +"You hold your tongue, Jemima. You have grown more and more +insolent--more and more disobedient every day. I now know who to +thank for it. When such a woman came into my family there is no +wonder at any corruption--any evil--any defilement----" + +"Father!" + +"Not a word! If, in your disobedience, you choose to stay and +hear what no modest young woman would put herself in the way of +hearing, you shall be silent when I bid you. The only good you +can gain is in the way of warning. Look at that woman" +(indicating Ruth, who moved her drooping head a little on one +side, as if by such motion she could avert the pitiless +pointing--her face growing whiter and whiter still every +instant)--"Look at that woman, I say--corrupt long before she was +your age--hypocrite for years! If ever you, or any child of mine, +cared for her, shake her off from you, as St. Paul shook off the +viper--even into the fire." He stopped for very want of breath. +Jemima, all flushed and panting, went up and stood side by side +with wan Ruth. She took the cold, dead hand which hung next to +her in her warm convulsive grasp, and, holding it so tight that +it was blue and discoloured for days, she spoke out beyond all +power of restraint from her father. + +"Father! I will speak. I will not keep silence. I will bear +witness to Ruth. I have hated her--so keenly, may God forgive +me--but you may know, from that, that my witness is true. I have +hated her, and my hatred was only quenched into contempt--not +contempt now, dear Ruth--dear Ruth"--(this was spoken with +infinite softness and tenderness, and in spite of her father's +fierce eyes and passionate gesture)--"I heard what you have +learnt now, father, weeks and weeks ago--a year it may be, all +time of late has been so long; and I shuddered up from her and +from her sin; and I might have spoken of it, and told it there +and then, if I had not been afraid that it was from no good +motive I should act in so doing, but to gain a way to the desire +of my own jealous heart. Yes, father, to show you what a witness +I am for Ruth, I will own that I was stabbed to the heart with +jealousy; some one--some one cared for Ruth that--oh father! +spare me saying all." Her face was double-dyed with crimson +blushes, and she paused for one moment--no more. + +"I watched her, and I watched her with my wild-beast eyes. If I +had seen one paltering with duty--if I had witnessed one +flickering shadow of untruth in word or action--if, more than all +things, my woman's instinct had ever been conscious of the +faintest speck of impurity in thought, or word, or look, my old +hate would have flamed out with the flame of hell! my contempt +would have turned to loathing disgust, instead of my being full +of pity, and the stirrings of new-awakened love, and most true +respect. Father, I have borne my witness!" + +"And I will tell you how much your witness is worth," said her +father, beginning low, that his pent-up wrath might have room to +swell out. "It only convinces me more and more how deep is the +corruption this wanton has spread in my family. She has come +amongst us with her innocent seeming, and spread her nets well +and skilfully. She has turned right into wrong, and wrong into +right, and taught you all to be uncertain whether there be any +such thing as Vice in the world, or whether it ought not to be +looked upon as Virtue. She has led you to the brink of the deep +pit, ready for the first chance circumstance to push you in. And +I trusted--I trusted her--I welcomed her." + +"I have done very wrong," murmured Ruth, but so low, that perhaps +he did not hear her, for he went on lashing himself up. + +"I welcomed her. I was duped into allowing her bastard--(I sicken +at the thought of it)----" + +At the mention of Leonard, Ruth lifted up her eyes for the first +time since the conversation began, the pupils dilating, as if she +were just becoming aware of some new agony in store for her. I +have seen such a look of terror on a poor dumb animal's +countenance, and once or twice on human faces; I pray I may never +see it again on either! Jemima felt the hand she held in her +strong grasp writhe itself free. Ruth spread her arms before her, +clasping and lacing her fingers together, her head thrown a +little back as if in intensest suffering. + +Mr. Bradshaw went on-- + +"That very child and heir of shame to associate with my own +innocent children! I trust they are not contaminated." + +"I cannot bear it--I cannot bear it!" were the words wrung out of +Ruth. + +"Cannot bear it! cannot bear it!" he repeated. "You must bear it, +madam. Do you suppose your child is to be exempt from the +penalties of his birth? Do you suppose that he alone is to be +saved from the upbraiding scoff? Do you suppose that he is ever +to rank with other boys, who are not stained and marked with sin +from their birth? Every creature in Eccleston may know what he +is; do you think they will spare him their scorn? 'Cannot bear +it,' indeed! Before you went into your sin, you should have +thought whether you could bear the consequences or not--have had +some idea how far your offspring would be degraded and scouted, +till the best thing that could happen to him would be for him to +be lost to all sense of shame, dead to all knowledge of guilt, +for his mother's sake." + +Ruth spoke out. She stood like a wild creature at bay, past fear +now. "I appeal to God against such a doom for my child. I appeal +to God to help me. I am a mother, and as such I cry to God for +help--for help to keep my boy in His pitying sight, and to bring +him up in His holy fear. Let the shame fall on me! I have +deserved it, but he--he is so innocent and good." + +Ruth had caught up her shawl, and was tying on her bonnet with +her trembling hands. What if Leonard was hearing of her shame +from common report? What would be the mysterious shock of the +intelligence? She must face him, and see the look in his eyes, +before she knew whether he recoiled from her; he might have his +heart turned to hate her, by their cruel jeers. + +Jemima stood by, dumb and pitying. Her sorrow was past her power. +She helped in arranging the dress, with one or two gentle +touches, which were hardly felt by Ruth, but which called out all +Mr. Bradshaw's ire afresh; he absolutely took her by the +shoulders and turned her by force out of the room. In the hall, +and along the stairs, her passionate woeful crying was heard. The +sound only concentrated Mr. Bradshaw's anger on Ruth. He held the +street-door open wide, and said, between his teeth, "If ever you, +or your bastard, darken this door again, I will have you both +turned out by the police!" + +He needed not have added this if he had seen Ruth's face. + + +CHAPTER XXVII + + +PREPARING TO STAND ON THE TRUTH + +As Ruth went along the accustomed streets, every sight and every +sound seemed to hear a new meaning, and each and all to have some +reference to her boy's disgrace. She held her head down, and +scudded along dizzy with fear, lest some word should have told +him what she had been, and what he was, before she could reach +him. It was a wild, unreasoning fear, but it took hold of her as +strongly as if it had been well founded. And, indeed, the secret +whispered by Mrs. Pearson, whose curiosity and suspicion had been +excited by Jemima's manner, and confirmed since by many a little +corroborating circumstance, had spread abroad, and was known to +most of the gossips in Eccleston before it reached Mr. Bradshaw's +ears. + +As Ruth came up to the door of the Chapel-house, it was opened, +and Leonard came out, bright and hopeful as the morning, his face +radiant at the prospect of the happy day before him. He was +dressed in the clothes it had been such a pleasant pride to her +to make for him. He had the dark-blue ribbon tied round his neck +that she had left out for him that very morning, with a smiling +thought of how it would set off his brown, handsome face. She +caught him by the hand as they met, and turned him, with his face +homewards, without a word. Her looks, her rushing movement, her +silence, awed him; and although he wondered, he did not stay to +ask why she did so. The door was on the latch; she opened it, and +only said, "Upstairs," in a hoarse whisper. Up they went into her +own room. She drew him in, and bolted the door; and then, sitting +down, she placed him (she had never let go of him) before her, +holding him with her hands on each of his shoulders, and gazing +into his face with a woeful look of the agony that could not find +vent in words. At last she tried to speak: she tried with strong +bodily effort, almost amounting to convulsion. But the words +would not come; it was not till she saw the absolute terror +depicted on his face that she found utterance; and then the sight +of that terror changed the words from what she meant them to have +been. She drew him to her, and laid her head upon his shoulder; +hiding her face even there. + +"My poor, poor boy! my poor, poor darling! Oh! would that I had +died--I had died, in my innocent girlhood!" + +"Mother! mother!" sobbed Leonard. "What is the matter? Why do you +look so wild and ill? Why do you call me your 'poor boy'? Are we +not going to Scaurside Hill? I don't much mind it, mother; only +please don't gasp and quiver so. Dearest mother, are you ill? Let +me call Aunt Faith!" + +Ruth lifted herself up, and put away the hair that had fallen +over and was blinding her eyes. She looked at him with intense +wistfulness. + +"Kiss me, Leonard!" said she--"kiss me, my darling, once more in +the old way!" Leonard threw himself into her arms and hugged her +with all his force, and their lips clung together as in the kiss +given to the dying. + +"Leonard!" said she at length, holding him away from her, and +nerving herself up to tell him all by one spasmodic +effort--"listen to me." The boy stood breathless and still, +gazing at her. On her impetuous transit from Mr. Bradshaw's to +the Chapel-house her wild, desperate thought had been that she +would call herself by every violent, coarse name which the world +might give her--that Leonard should hear those words applied to +his mother first from her own lips; but the influence of his +presence--for he was a holy and sacred creature in her eyes, and +this point remained steadfast, though all the rest were +upheaved--subdued her; and now it seemed as if she could not find +words fine enough, and pure enough, to convey the truth that he +must learn, and should learn from no tongue but hers. + +"Leonard! when I was very young I did very wrong. I think God, +who knows all, will judge me more tenderly than men--but I did +wrong in a way which you cannot understand yet" (she saw the red +flush come into his cheek, and it stung her as the first token of +that shame which was to be his portion through life)--"in a way +people never forget, never forgive. You will hear me called the +hardest names that ever can be thrown at women--I have been +to-day; and, my child, you must bear it patiently, because they +will be partly true. Never get confused, by your love for me, +into thinking that what I did was right.--Where was I?" said she, +suddenly faltering, and forgetting all she had said and all she +had got to say; and then, seeing Leonard's face of wonder, and +burning shame and indignation, she went on more rapidly, as +fearing lest her strength should fail before she had ended. + +"And, Leonard," continued she, in a trembling, sad voice, "this +is not all. The punishment of punishments lies awaiting me still. +It is to see you suffer from my wrongdoing. Yes, darling! they +will speak shameful things of you, poor innocent child! as well +as of me, who am guilty. They will throw it in your teeth through +life, that your mother was never married--was not married when +you were born----" + +"Were not you married? Are not you a widow?" asked he abruptly, +for the first time getting anything like a clear idea of the real +state of the case. + +"No! May God forgive me, and help me!" exclaimed she, as she saw +a strange look of repugnance cloud over the boy's face, and felt +a slight motion on his part to extricate himself from her hold. +It was as slight, as transient as it could be--over in an +instant. But she had taken her hands away, and covered up her +face with them as quickly--covered up her face in shame before +her child; and in the bitterness of her heart she was wailing +out, "Oh! would to God I had died--that I had died as a +baby--that I had died as a little baby hanging at my mother's +breast!" + +"Mother," said Leonard, timidly putting his hand on her arm; but +she shrank from him, and continued her low, passionate wailing. +"Mother," said he, after a pause coming nearer, though she saw it +not--"mammy darling," said he, using the caressing name, which he +had been trying to drop as not sufficiently manly, "mammy, my +own, own dear, dear darling mother, I don't believe them; I +don't, I don't, I don't, I don't!" He broke out into a wild burst +of crying as he said this. In a moment her arms were round the +boy, and she was hushing him up like a baby on her bosom. "Hush, +Leonard! Leonard, be still, my child! I have been too sudden with +you!--I have done you harm--oh! I have done you nothing but +harm," cried she, in a tone of bitter self-reproach. + +"No, mother," said he, stopping his tears, and his eyes blazing +out with earnestness; "there never was such a mother as you have +been to me, and I won't believe any one who says it. I won't; and +I'll knock them down if they say it again, I will!" He clenched +his fist, with a fierce, defiant look on his face. + +"You forget, my child," said Ruth, in the sweetest, saddest tone +that ever was heard, "I said it of myself; I said it because it +was true." Leonard threw his arms tight round her and hid his +face against her bosom. She felt him pant there like some hunted +creature. She had no soothing comfort to give him. "Oh, that she +and he lay dead!" + +At last, exhausted, he lay so still and motionless, that she +feared to look. She wanted him to speak, yet dreaded his first +words. She kissed his hair, his head, his very clothes; murmuring +low, inarticulate, and moaning sounds. + +"Leonard," said she, "Leonard, look up at me! Leonard, look up!" +But he only clung the closer, and hid his face the more. + +"My boy!" said she, "what can I do or say? If I tell you never to +mind it--that it is nothing--I tell you false. It is a bitter +shame and a sorrow that I have drawn down upon you. A shame, +Leonard, because of me, your mother; but, Leonard, it is no +disgrace or lowering of you in the eyes of God." She spoke now as +if she had found the clue which might lead him to rest and +strength at last. + +"Remember that, always. Remember that, when the time of trial +comes--and it seems a hard and cruel thing that you should be +called reproachful names by men, and all for what was no fault of +yours--remember God's pity and God's justice; and, though my sin +shall have made you an outcast in the world--oh, my child, my +child"--(she felt him kiss her, as if mutually trying to comfort +her--it gave her strength to go on)--"remember, darling of my +heart, it is only your own sin that can make you an outcast from +God." + +She grew so faint that her hold of him relaxed. He looked up +affrighted. He brought her water--he threw it over her; in his +terror at the notion that she was going to die and leave him, he +called her by every fond name, imploring her to open her eyes. + +When she partially recovered he helped her to the bed, on which +she lay still, wan, and death-like. She almost hoped the swoon +that hung around her might be Death, and in that imagination she +opened her eyes to take a last look at her boy. She saw him pale +and terror-stricken; and pity for his affright roused her, and +made her forget herself in the wish that he should not see her +death, if she were indeed dying. + +"Go to Aunt Faith!" whispered she; "I am weary, and want sleep." + +Leonard arose slowly and reluctantly. She tried to smile upon +him, that what she thought would be her last look might dwell in +his remembrance as tender and strong; she watched him to the +door; she saw him hesitate, and return to her. He came back to +her, and said in a timid, apprehensive tone, + +"Mother--will they speak to me about----it?" + +Ruth closed her eyes, that they might not express the agony she +felt, like a sharp knife, at this question. Leonard had asked it +with a child's desire of avoiding painful and mysterious +topics,--for no personal sense of shame as she understood it, +shame beginning thus early, thus instantaneously. + +"No," she replied. "You may be sure they will not." + +So he went. But now she would have been thankful for the +unconsciousness of fainting; that one little speech bore so much +meaning to her hot, irritable brain. Mr. and Miss Benson, all in +their house, would never speak to the boy--but in his home alone +would he be safe from what he had already learned to dread. Every +form in which shame and opprobrium could overwhelm her darling +haunted her. She had been exercising strong self-control for his +sake ever since she had met him at the house-door; there was now +a reaction. His presence had kept her mind on its perfect +balance. When that was withdrawn the effect of the strain of +power was felt. And athwart the fever-mists that arose to obscure +her judgment, all sorts of will-o'-the-wisp plans flittered +before her; tempting her to this and that course of action--to +anything rather than patient endurance--to relieve her present +state of misery by some sudden spasmodic effort, that took the +semblance of being wise and right. Gradually all her desires, all +her longing, settled themselves on one point. What had she +done--what could she do, to Leonard but evil? If she were away, +and gone no one knew where--lost in mystery, as if she were +dead--perhaps the cruel hearts might relent, and show pity on +Leonard; while her perpetual presence would but call up the +remembrance of his birth. Thus she reasoned in her hot, dull +brain; and shaped her plans in accordance. + +Leonard stole downstairs noiselessly. He listened to find some +quiet place where he could hide himself. The house was very +still. Miss Benson thought the purposed expedition had taken +place, and never dreamed but that Ruth and Leonard were on +distant, sunny Scaurside Hill; and, after a very early dinner, +she had set out to drink tea with a farmer's wife, who lived in +the country two or three miles off. Mr. Benson meant to have gone +with her; but, while they were at dinner, he had received an +unusually authoritative note from Mr. Bradshaw desiring to speak +with him, so he went to that gentleman's house instead. Sally was +busy in her kitchen, making a great noise (not unlike a groom +rubbing down a horse) over her cleaning. Leonard stole into the +sitting-room, and crouched behind the large old-fashioned sofa to +ease his sore, aching heart, by crying with all the prodigal +waste and abandonment of childhood. + +Mr. Benson was shown into Mr. Bradshaw's own particular room. The +latter gentleman was walking up and down, and it was easy to +perceive that something had occurred to chafe him to great anger. + +"Sit down, sir!" said he to Mr. Benson, nodding to a chair. + +Mr. Benson sat down. But Mr. Bradshaw continued his walk for a +few minutes longer without speaking. Then he stopped abruptly, +right in front of Mr. Benson; and in a voice which he tried to +render calm, but which trembled with passion--with a face glowing +purple as he thought of his wrongs (and real wrongs they were), +he began-- + +"Mr. Benson, I have sent for you to ask--I am almost too +indignant at the bare suspicion to speak as becomes me--but did +you----I really shall be obliged to beg your pardon, if you are +as much in the dark as I was yesterday as to the character of the +woman who lives under your roof?" + +There was no answer from Mr. Benson. Mr. Bradshaw looked at him +very earnestly. His eyes were fixed on the ground--he made no +inquiry--he uttered no expression of wonder or dismay. Mr. +Bradshaw ground his foot on the floor with gathering rage; but +just as he was about to speak Mr. Benson rose up--a poor deformed +old man--before the stern and portly figure that was swelling and +panting with passion. + +"Hear me, sir!" (stretching out his hand as if to avert the words +which were impending). "Nothing you can say can upbraid me like +my own conscience; no degradation you can inflict, by word or +deed, can come up to the degradation I have suffered for years, +at being a party to a deceit, even for a good end----" + +"For a good end!--Nay! what next?" + +The taunting contempt with which Mr. Bradshaw spoke these words +almost surprised himself by what he imagined must be its +successful power of withering; but in spite of it Mr. Benson +lifted his grave eyes to Mr. Bradshaw's countenance, and +repeated-- + +"For a good end. The end was not, as perhaps you consider it to +have been, to obtain her admission into your family--nor yet to +put her in the way of gaining her livelihood; my sister and I +would willingly have shared what we have with her; it was our +intention to do so at first, if not for any length of time, at +least as long as her health might require it. Why I advised +(perhaps I only yielded to advice) a change of name--an +assumption of a false state of widowhood--was because I earnestly +desired to place her in circumstances in which she might work out +her self-redemption; and you, sir, know how terribly the world +goes against all such as have sinned as Ruth did. She was so +young, too." + +"You mistake, sir; my acquaintance has not lain so much among +that class of sinners as to give me much experience of the way in +which they are treated. But, judging from what I have seen, I +should say they meet with full as much leniency as they deserve; +and supposing they do not--I know there are plenty of sickly +sentimentalists just now who reserve all their interest and +regard for criminals--why not pick out one of these to help you +in your task of washing the blackamoor white? Why choose me to be +imposed upon--my household into which to intrude your protegee? +Why were my innocent children to be exposed to corruption? I +say," said Mr. Bradshaw, stamping his foot, "how dared you come +into this house, where you were looked upon as a minister of +religion, with a lie in your mouth? How dared you single me out, +of all people, to be gulled, and deceived, and pointed at through +the town as the person who had taken an abandoned woman into his +house to teach his daughters?" + +"I own my deceit was wrong and faithless." + +"Yes! you can own it, now it is found out! There is small merit +in that, I think!" + +"Sir! I claim no merit. I take shame to myself. I did not single +you out. You applied to me with your proposal that Ruth should be +your children's governess." + +"Pah!" + +"And the temptation was too great--no! I will not say that--but +the temptation was greater than I could stand--it seemed to open +out a path of usefulness." + +"Now, don't let me hear you speak so," said Mr. Bradshaw, blazing +up. "I can't stand it. It is too much to talk in that way when +the usefulness was to consist in contaminating my innocent +girls." + +"God knows that if I had believed there had been any danger of +such contamination--God knows how I would have died sooner than +have allowed her to enter your family. Mr. Bradshaw, you believe +me, don't you?" asked Mr. Benson earnestly. + +"I really must be allowed the privilege of doubting what you say +in future," said Mr. Bradshaw, in a cold, contemptuous manner. + +"I have deserved this," Mr. Benson replied. "But," continued he, +after a moment's pause, "I will not speak of myself, but of Ruth. +Surely, sir, the end I aimed at (the means I took to obtain it +were wrong; you cannot feel that more than I do) was a right one; +and you will not--you cannot say that your children have suffered +from associating with her. I had her in my family, under the +watchful eyes of three anxious persons for a year or more; we saw +faults--no human being is without them--and poor Ruth's were but +slight venial errors; but we saw no sign of a corrupt mind--no +glimpse of boldness or forwardness--no token of want of +conscientiousness; she seemed, and was, a young and gentle girl, +who had been led astray before she fairly knew what life was." + +"I suppose most depraved women have been innocent in their time," +said Mr. Bradshaw, with bitter contempt. + +"Oh, Mr. Bradshaw! Ruth was not depraved, and you know it. You +cannot have seen her--have known her daily, all these years, +without acknowledging that!" Mr. Benson was almost breathless, +awaiting Mr. Bradshaw's answer. The quiet self-control which he +had maintained so long was gone now. + +"I saw her daily--I did not know her. If I had known her, I +should have known she was fallen and depraved, and consequently +not fit to come into my house, nor to associate with my pure +children." + +"Now I wish God would give me power to speak out convincingly +what I believe to be His truth, that not every woman who has +fallen is depraved; that many--how many the Great Judgment Day +will reveal to those who have shaken off the poor, sore, penitent +hearts on earth--many, many crave and hunger after a chance of +virtue--the help which no man gives to them--help--that gentle, +tender help which Jesus gave once to Mary Magdalen." Mr. Benson +was almost choked by his own feelings. + +"Come, come, Mr. Benson, let us have no more of this morbid way +of talking. The world has decided how such women are to be +treated; and, you may depend upon it, there is so much practical +wisdom in the world, that its way of acting is right in the +long-run, and that no one can fly in its face with impunity, +unless, indeed, they stoop to deceit and imposition." + +"I take my stand with Christ against the world," said Mr. Benson +solemnly, disregarding the covert allusion to himself. "What have +the world's ways ended in? Can we be much worse than we are?" + +"Speak for yourself, if you please." + +"Is it not time to change some of our ways of thinking and +acting? I declare before God, that if I believe in any one human +truth, it is this--that to every woman who, like Ruth, has sinned +should be given a chance of self-redemption--and that such a +chance should be given in no supercilious or contemptuous manner, +but in the spirit of the holy Christ." + +"Such as getting her into a friend's house under false colours." + +"I do not argue on Ruth's case. In that I have acknowledged my +error. I do not argue on any case. I state my firm belief, that +it is God's will that we should not dare to trample any of His +creatures down to the hopeless dust; that it is God's will that +the women who have fallen should be numbered among those who have +broken hearts to be bound up, not cast aside as lost beyond +recall. If this be God's will, as a thing of God it will stand; +and He will open a way." + +"I should have attached much more importance to all your +exhortation on this point if I could have respected your conduct +in other matters. As it is, when I see a man who has deluded +himself into considering falsehood right, I am disinclined to +take his opinion on subjects connected with morality; and I can +no longer regard him as a fitting exponent of the will of God. +You perhaps understand what I mean, Mr. Benson. I can no longer +attend your chapel." + +If Mr. Benson had felt any hope of making Mr. Bradshaw's +obstinate mind receive the truth, that he acknowledged and +repented of his connivance at the falsehood by means of which +Ruth had been received into the Bradshaw family, this last +sentence prevented his making the attempt. He simply bowed and +took his leave--Mr. Bradshaw attending him to the door with +formal ceremony. + +He felt acutely the severance of the tie which Mr. Bradshaw had +just announced to him. He had experienced many mortifications in +his intercourse with that gentleman, but they had fallen off from +his meek spirit like drops of water from a bird's plumage; and +now he only remembered the acts of substantial kindness rendered +(the ostentation all forgotten)--many happy hours and pleasant +evenings--the children whom he had loved dearer than he thought +till now--the young people about whom he had cared, and whom he +had striven to lead aright. He was but a young man when Mr. +Bradshaw first came to his chapel; they had grown old together; +he had never recognised Mr. Bradshaw as an old familiar friend so +completely as now when they were severed. + +It was with a heavy heart that he opened his own door. He went to +his study immediately; he sat down to steady himself into his +position. + +How long he was there--silent and alone--reviewing his +life--confessing his sins--he did not know; but he heard some +unusual sound in the house that disturbed him--roused him to +present life. A slow, languid step came along the passage to the +front door--the breathing was broken by many sighs. + +Ruth's hand was on the latch when Mr. Benson came out. Her face +was very white, except two red spots on each cheek--her eyes were +deep-sunk and hollow, but glittered with feverish lustre. "Ruth!" +exclaimed he. She moved her lips, but her throat and mouth were +too dry for her to speak. + +"Where are you going?" asked he; for she had all her walking +things on, yet trembled so even as she stood, that it was evident +she could not walk far without falling. + +She hesitated--she looked up at him, still with the same dry +glittering eyes. At last she whispered (for she could only speak +in a whisper), "To Helmsby--I am going to Helmsby." + +"Helmsby! my poor girl--may God have mercy upon you!" for he saw +she hardly knew what she was saying. "Where is Helmsby?" + +"I don't know. In Lincolnshire, I think." + +"But why are you going there?" + +"Hush! he's asleep," said she, as Mr. Benson had unconsciously +raised his voice. + +"Who is asleep?" asked Mr. Benson. + +"That poor little boy," said she, beginning to quiver and cry. + +"Come here!" said he authoritatively, drawing her into the study. + +"Sit down in that chair. I will come back directly." + +He went in search of his sister, but she had not returned. Then +he had recourse to Sally, who was as busy as ever about her +cleaning. + +"How long has Ruth been at home?" asked he. + +"Ruth! She has never been at home sin' morning. She and Leonard +were to be off for the day somewhere or other with them Bradshaw +girls." + +"Then she has had no dinner?" + +"Not here, any rate. I can't answer for what she may have done at +other places." + +"And Leonard--where is he?" + +"How should I know? With his mother, I suppose. Leastways, that +was what was fixed on. I've enough to do of my own, without +routing after other folks." + +She went on scouring in no very good temper. Mr. Benson stood +silent for a moment. + +"Sally," he said, "I want a cup of tea. Will you make it as soon +as you can; and some dry toast too? I'll come for it in ten +minutes." + +Struck by something in his voice, she looked up at him for the +first time. + +"What ha' ye been doing to yourself, to look so grim and grey? +Tiring yourself all to tatters, looking after some naught, I'll +be bound! Well! well! I mun make ye your tea, I reckon; but I did +hope as you grew older you'd ha' grown wiser." + +Mr. Benson made no reply, but went to look for Leonard, hoping +that the child's presence might bring back to his mother the +power of self-control. He opened the parlour-door, and looked in, +but saw no one. Just as he was shutting it, however, he heard a +deep, broken, sobbing sigh; and, guided by the sound, he found +the boy lying on the floor, fast asleep, but with his features +all swollen and disfigured by passionate crying. + +"Poor child! This was what she meant, then," thought Mr. Benson. +"He has begun his share of the sorrows too" he continued +pitifully. "No! I will not waken him back to consciousness." So +he returned alone into the study. Ruth sat where he had placed +her, her head bent back, and her eyes shut. But when he came in +she started up. + +"I must be going," she said in a hurried way. + +"Nay, Ruth, you must not go. You must not leave us. We cannot do +without you. We love you too much." + +"Love me!" said she, looking at him wistfully. As she looked, her +eyes filled slowly with tears. It was a good sign, and Mr. Benson +took heart to go on. + +"Yes! Ruth. You know we do. You may have other things to fill up +your mind just now, but you know we love you; and nothing can +alter our love for you. You ought not to have thought of leaving +us. You would not, if you had been quite well." + +"Do you know what has happened?" she asked, in a low, hoarse +voice. + +"Yes. I know all," he answered. "It makes no difference to us. +Why should it?" + +"Oh! Mr. Benson, don't you know that my shame is discovered?" she +replied, bursting into tears--"and I must leave you, and leave +Leonard, that you may not share in my disgrace." + +"You must do no such thing. Leave Leonard! You have no right to +leave Leonard. Where could you go to?" + +"To Helmsby," she said humbly. "It would break my heart to go, +but I think I ought, for Leonard's sake. I know I ought." She was +crying sadly by this time, but Mr. Benson knew the flow of tears +would ease her brain. "It will break my heart to go, but I know I +must." + +"Sit still here at present," said he, in a decided tone of +command. He went for the cup of tea. He brought it to her without +Sally's being aware for whom it was intended. + +"Drink this!" He spoke as you would do to a child, if desiring it +to take medicine. "Eat some toast." She took the tea, and drank +it feverishly; but when she tried to eat, the food seemed to +choke her. Still she was docile, and she tried. + +"I cannot," said she at last, putting down the piece of toast. +There was a return of something of her usual tone in the words. +She spoke gently and softly; no longer in the shrill, hoarse +voice she had used at first. Mr. Benson sat down by her. + +"Now, Ruth, we must talk a little together. I want to understand +what your plan was. Where is Helmsby? Why did you fix to go +there?" + +"It is where my mother lived," she answered. "Before she was +married she lived there; and wherever she lived, the people all +loved her dearly; and I thought--I think, that for her sake, some +one would give me work. I meant to tell them the truth," said +she, dropping her eyes; "but still they would, perhaps, give me +some employment--I don't care what--for her sake. I could do many +things," said she, suddenly looking up. "I am sure I could +weed--I could in gardens--if they did not like to have me in +their houses. But perhaps some one, for my mother's sake--oh! my +dear, dear mother!--do you know where and what I am?" she cried +out, sobbing afresh. + +Mr. Benson's heart was very sore, though he spoke +authoritatively, and almost sternly-- + +"Ruth! you must be still and quiet. I cannot have this. I want +you to listen to me. Your thought of Helmsby would be a good one, +if it was right for you to leave Eccleston; but I do not think it +is. I am certain of this, that it would be a great sin in you to +separate yourself from Leonard. You have no right to sever the +tie by which God has bound you together." + +"But if I am here they will all know and remember the shame of +his birth; and if I go away they may forget----" + +"And they may not. And if you go away, he may be unhappy or ill; +and you, who above all others have--and have from God--remember +that, Ruth!--the power to comfort him, the tender patience to +nurse him, have left him to the care of strangers. Yes; I know! +But we ourselves are as strangers, dearly as we love him, +compared to a mother. He may turn to sin, and want the long +forbearance, the serene authority of a parent and where are you? +No dread of shame, either for yourself, or even for him, can ever +make it right for you to shake off your responsibility." All this +time he was watching her narrowly, and saw her slowly yield +herself up to the force of what he was saying. + +"Besides, Ruth," he continued, "we have gone on falsely, +hitherto. It has been my doing, my mistake, my sin. I ought to +have known better. Now, let us stand firm on the truth. You have +no new fault to repent of. Be brave and faithful. It is to God +you answer, not to men. The shame of having your sin known to the +world, should be as nothing to the shame you felt at having +sinned. We have dreaded men too much, and God too little, in the +course we have taken. But now be of good cheer. Perhaps you will +have to find your work in the world very low--not quite working +in the fields," said he, with a gentle smile, to which she, +downcast and miserable, could give no response. "Nay, perhaps, +Ruth," he went on, "you may have to stand and wait for some time; +no one may be willing to use the services you would gladly +render; all may turn aside from you, and may speak very harshly +of you. Can you accept all this treatment meekly, as but the +reasonable and just penance God has laid upon you--feeling no +anger against those who slight you, no impatience for the time to +come (and come it surely will--I speak as having the word of God +for what I say), when He, having purified you, even as by fire, +will make a straight path for your feet? My child, it is Christ +the Lord who has told us of this infinite mercy of God. Have you +faith enough in it to be brave, and bear on, and do rightly in +patience and in tribulation?" + +Ruth had been hushed and very still until now, when the pleading +earnestness of his question urged her to answer. + +"Yes!" said she. "I hope--I believe I can be faithful for myself, +for I have sinned and done wrong. But Leonard----" She looked up +at him. + +"But Leonard," he echoed. "Ah! there it is hard, Ruth. I own the +world is hard and persecuting to such as he." He paused to think +of the true comfort for this sting. He went on. "The world is not +everything, Ruth; nor is the want of men's good opinion and +esteem the highest need which man has. Teach Leonard this. You +would not wish his life to be one summer's day. You dared not +make it so, if you had the power. Teach him to bid a noble, +Christian welcome to the trials which God sends--and this is one +of them. Teach him not to look on a life of struggle, and perhaps +of disappointment and incompleteness, as a sad and mournful end, +but as the means permitted to the heroes and warriors in the army +of Christ, by which to show their faithful following. Tell him of +the hard and thorny path which was trodden once by the bleeding +feet of One--Ruth! think of the Saviour's life and cruel death, +and of His divine faithfulness. Oh, Ruth!" exclaimed he, "when I +look and see what you may be--what you must be to that boy, I +cannot think how you could be coward enough, for a moment, to +shrink from your work! But we have all been cowards hitherto," he +added, in bitter self-accusation. + +"God help us to be so no longer!" + +Ruth sat very quiet. Her eyes were fixed on the ground, and she +seemed lost in thought. At length she rose up. + +"Mr. Benson!" said she, standing before him, and propping herself +by the table, as she was trembling sadly from weakness, "I mean +to try very, very hard, to do my duty to Leonard--and to God," +she added reverently. "I am only afraid my faith may sometimes +fail about Leonard----" + +"Ask, and it shall be given unto you. That is no vain or untried +promise, Ruth!" + +She sat down again, unable longer to stand. There was another +long silence. + +"I must never go to Mr. Bradshaw's again," she said at last, as +if thinking aloud. + +"No, Ruth, you shall not," he answered. + +"But I shall earn no money!" added she quickly, for she thought +that he did not perceive the difficulty that was troubling her. + +"You surely know, Ruth, that, while Faith and I have a roof to +shelter us, or bread to eat, you and Leonard share it with us." + +"I know--I know your most tender goodness," said she, "but it +ought not to be." + +"It must be at present," he said, in a decided manner. "Perhaps, +before long you may have some employment; perhaps it may be some +time before an opportunity occurs." + +"Hush," said Ruth; "Leonard is moving about in the parlour. I +must go to him." But when she stood up, she turned so dizzy, and +tottered so much, that she was glad to sit down again +immediately. + +"You must rest here. I will go to him," said Mr. Benson. He left +her; and when he was gone, she leaned her head on the back of the +chair, and cried quietly and incessantly; but there was a more +patient, hopeful, resolved feeling in the heart, which all along, +through all the tears she shed, bore her onwards to higher +thoughts, until at last she rose to prayers. + +Mr. Benson caught the new look of shrinking shame in Leonard's +eye, as it first sought, then shunned, meeting his. He was +pained, too, by the sight of the little sorrowful, anxious face, +on which, until now, hope and joy had been predominant. The +constrained voice, the few words the boy spoke, when formerly +there would have been a glad and free utterance--all this grieved +Mr. Benson inexpressibly, as but the beginning of an unwonted +mortification, which must last for years. He himself made no +allusion to any unusual occurrence; he spoke of Ruth as sitting, +overcome by headache, in the study for quietness: he hurried on +the preparations for tea, while Leonard sat by in the great +arm-chair, and looked on with sad, dreamy eyes. He strove to +lessen the shock which he knew Leonard had received, by every +mixture of tenderness and cheerfulness that Mr. Benson's gentle +heart prompted; and now and then a languid smile stole over the +boy's face. When his bedtime came, Mr. Benson told him of the +hour, although he feared that Leonard would have but another +sorrowful crying of himself to sleep; but he was anxious to +accustom the boy to cheerful movement within the limits of +domestic law, and by no disobedience to it to weaken the power of +glad submission to the Supreme; to begin the new life that lay +before him, where strength to look up to God as the Law-giver and +Ruler of events would be pre-eminently required. When Leonard had +gone upstairs, Mr. Benson went immediately to Ruth, and said-- + +"Ruth! Leonard is just gone up to bed," secure in the instinct +which made her silently rise, and go up to the boy--certain, too, +that they would each be the other's best comforter, and that God +would strengthen each through the other. Now, for the first time, +he had leisure to think of himself; and to go over all the events +of the day. The half-hour of solitude in his study, that he had +before his sister's return, was of inestimable value; he had +leisure to put events in their true places, as to importance and +eternal significance. Miss Faith came in laden with farm produce. +Her kind entertainers had brought her in their shandry to the +opening of the court in which the Chapel-house stood; but she was +so heavily burdened with eggs, mushrooms, and plums, that, when +her brother opened the door, she was almost breathless. + +"Oh, Thurstan! take this basket--it is such a weight? Oh, Sally, +is that you? Here are some magnum-bonums which we must preserve +to-morrow. There are guinea-fowl eggs in that basket." + +Mr. Benson let her unburden her body, and her mind too, by giving +charges to Sally respecting her housekeeping treasures, before he +said a word; but when she returned into the study, to tell him +the small pieces of intelligence respecting her day at the farm, +she stood aghast. + +"Why, Thurstan, dear! What's the matter? Is your back hurting +you?" + +He smiled to reassure her; but it was a sickly and forced smile. + +"No, Faith! I am quite well, only rather out of spirits, and +wanting to talk to you to cheer me." + +Miss Faith sat down, straight, sitting bolt-upright to listen the +better. + +"I don't know how, but the real story about Ruth is found out." + +"Oh, Thurstan!" exclaimed Miss Benson, turning quite white. + +For a moment, neither of them said another word. Then she went +on-- + +"Does Mr. Bradshaw know?" + +"Yes! He sent for me, and told me." + +"Does Ruth know that it has all come out?" + +"Yes. And Leonard knows." + +"How? Who told him?" + +"I do not know. I have asked no questions. But of course it was +his mother." + +"She was very foolish and cruel, then," said Miss Benson, her +eyes blazing, and her lips trembling, at the thought of the +suffering her darling boy must have gone through. + +"I think she was wise. I am sure it was not cruel. He must have +soon known that there was some mystery, and it was better that it +should be told him openly and quietly by his mother than by a +stranger." + +"How could she tell him quietly?" asked Miss Benson still +indignant. + +"Well! perhaps I used the wrong word--of course no one was +by--and I don't suppose even they themselves could now tell how +it was told, or in what spirit it was borne." + +Miss Benson was silent again. + +"Was Mr. Bradshaw very angry?" + +"Yes, very; and justly so. I did very wrong in making that false +statement at first." + +"No! I am sure you did not," said Miss Faith. "Ruth has had some +years of peace, in which to grow stronger and wiser, so that she +can bear her shame now in a way she never could have done at +first." + +"All the same it was wrong in me to do what I did." + +"I did it too, as much or more than you. And I don't think it +wrong. I'm certain it was quite right, and I would do just the +same again." + +"Perhaps it has not done you the harm it has done me." + +"Nonsense! Thurstan. Don't be morbid. I'm sure you are as +good--and better than ever you were." + +"No, I am not. I have got what you call morbid, just in +consequence of the sophistry by which I persuaded myself that +wrong could be right. I torment myself. I have lost my clear +instincts of conscience. Formerly, if I believed that such or +such an action was according to the will of God, I went and did +it, or at least I tried to do it, without thinking of +consequences. Now, I reason and weigh what will happen if I do so +and so--I grope where formerly I saw. Oh, Faith! it is such a +relief to me to have the truth known, that I am afraid I have not +been sufficiently sympathising with Ruth." + +"Poor Ruth!" said Miss Benson. "But at any rate our telling a lie +has been the saving of her. There is no fear of her going wrong +now." + +"God's omnipotence did not need our sin." + +They did not speak for some time. + +"You have not told me what Mr. Bradshaw said." + +"One can't remember the exact words that are spoken on either +side in moments of such strong excitement. He was very angry, and +said some things about me that were very just, and some about +Ruth that were very hard. His last words were that he should give +up coming to chapel." + +"Oh, Thurstan! did it come to that?" + +"Yes." + +"Does Ruth know all he said?" + +"No! Why should she? I don't know if she knows he has spoken to +me at all. Poor creature! she had enough to craze her almost +without that! She was for going away and leaving us, that we +might not share in her disgrace. I was afraid of her being quite +delirious. I did so want you, Faith! However, I did the best I +could; I spoke to her very coldly, and almost sternly, all the +while my heart was bleeding for her. I dared not give her +sympathy; I tried to give her strength. But I did so want you, +Faith." + +"And I was so full of enjoyment, I am ashamed to think of it. But +the Dawsons are so kind--and the day was so fine----Where is +Ruth now?" + +"With Leonard. He is her great earthly motive--I thought that +being with him would be best. But he must be in bed and asleep +now." + +"I will go up to her," said Miss Faith. + +She found Ruth keeping watch by Leonard's troubled sleep; but +when she saw Miss Faith she rose up, and threw herself on her +neck and clung to her, without speaking. After a while Miss +Benson said-- + +"You must go to bed, Ruth!" So, after she had kissed the sleeping +boy, Miss Benson led her away, and helped to undress her, and +brought her up a cup of soothing violet-tea--not so soothing as +tender actions and soft, loving tones. + + +CHAPTER XXVIII + + +AN UNDERSTANDING BETWEEN LOVERS + +It was well they had so early and so truly strengthened the +spirit to bear, for the events which had to be endured soon came +thick and threefold. + +Every evening Mr. and Miss Benson thought the worst must be over; +and every day brought some fresh occurrence to touch upon the raw +place. They could not be certain, until they had seen all their +acquaintances, what difference it would make in the cordiality of +their reception: in some cases it made much; and Miss Benson was +proportionably indignant. She felt this change in behaviour more +than her brother. His great pain arose from the coolness of the +Bradshaws. With all the faults which had at times grated on his +sensitive nature (but which he now forgot, and remembered only their +kindness), they were his old familiar friends--his kind, if +ostentatious, patrons--his great personal interest, out of his own +family; and he could not get over the suffering he experienced from +seeing their large square pew empty on Sundays--from perceiving how +Mr. Bradshaw, though he bowed in a distant manner when he and Mr. +Benson met face to face, shunned him as often as he possibly could. +All that happened in the household, which once was as patent to him +as his own, was now a sealed book; he heard of its doings by chance, +if he heard at all. Just at the time when he was feeling the most +depressed from this cause, he met Jemima at a sudden turn of the +street. He was uncertain for a moment how to accost her, but she +saved him all doubt; in an instant she had his hand in both of hers, +her face flushed with honest delight. + +"Oh, Mr. Benson, I am so glad to see you! I have so wanted to +know all about you. How is poor Ruth? dear Ruth! I wonder if she +has forgiven me my cruelty to her? And I may not go to her now, +when I should be so glad and thankful to make up for it." + +"I never heard you had been cruel to her. I am sure she does not +think so." + +"She ought; she must. What is she doing? Oh! I have so much to +ask, I can never hear enough; and papa says"--she hesitated a +moment, afraid of giving pain, and then, believing that they +would understand the state of affairs, and the reason for her +behaviour better if she told the truth, she went on--"Papa says I +must not go to your house--I suppose it's right to obey him?" + +"Certainly, my dear. It is your clear duty. We know how you feel +towards us." + +"Oh! but if I could do any good--if I could be of any use or +comfort to any of you--especially to Ruth, I should come, duty or +not. I believe it would be my duty," said she, hurrying on to try +and stop any decided prohibition from Mr. Benson. "No! don't be +afraid; I won't come till I know I can do some good. I hear bits +about you through Sally every now and then, or I could not have +waited so long. Mr. Benson," continued she, reddening very much, +"I think you did quite right about poor Ruth." + +"Not in the falsehood, my dear." + +"No! not perhaps in that. I was not thinking of that. But I have +been thinking a great deal about poor Ruth's----you know I could +not help it when everybody was talking about it--and it made me +think of myself, and what I am. With a father and mother, and +home and careful friends, I am not likely to be tempted like +Ruth; but oh! Mr. Benson," said she, lifting her eyes, which were +full of tears, to his face, for the first time since she began to +speak, "if you knew all I have been thinking and feeling this +last year, you would see how I have yielded to every temptation +that was able to come to me; and, seeing how I have no goodness +or strength in me, and how I might just have been like Ruth, or +rather worse than she ever was, because I am more headstrong and +passionate by nature, I do so thank you and love you for what you +did for her! And will you tell me really and truly now if I can +ever do anything for Ruth? If you'll promise me that, I won't +rebel unnecessarily against papa; but if you don't, I will, and +come and see you all this very afternoon. Remember! I trust you!" +said she, breaking away. Then turning back, she came to ask after +Leonard. + +"He must know something of it," said she. "Does he feel it much?" + +"Very much," said Mr. Benson. Jemima shook her head sadly. + +"It is hard upon him," said she. + +"It is," Mr. Benson replied. + +For in truth, Leonard was their greatest anxiety indoors. His +health seemed shaken, he spoke half sentences in his sleep, which +showed that in his dreams he was battling on his mother's behalf +against an unkind and angry world. And then he would wail to +himself, and utter sad words of shame, which they never thought +had reached his ears. By day, he was in general grave and quiet; +but his appetite varied, and he was evidently afraid of going +into the streets, dreading to be pointed at as an object of +remark. Each separately in their hearts longed to give him change +of scene; but they were all silent, for where was the requisite +money to come from? + +His temper became fitful and variable. At times he would be most +sullen against his mother; and then give way to a passionate +remorse. When Mr. Benson caught Ruth's look of agony at her +child's rebuffs, his patience failed; or rather, I should say, he +believed that a stronger, severer hand than hers was required for +the management of the lad. But, when she heard Mr. Benson say so, +she pleaded with him. + +"Have patience with Leonard," she said. "I have deserved the +anger that is fretting in his heart. It is only I who can +reinstate myself in his love and respect. I have no fear. When he +sees me really striving hard and long to do what is right, he +must love me. I am not afraid." + +Even while she spoke, her lips quivered, and her colour went and +came with eager anxiety. So Mr. Benson held his peace, and let +her take her course. It was beautiful to see the intuition by +which she divined what was passing in every fold of her child's +heart, so as to be always ready with the right words to soothe or +to strengthen him. Her watchfulness was unwearied, and with no +thought of self-tainting in it, or else she might have often +paused to turn aside and weep at the clouds of shame which came +over Leonard's love for her, and hid it from all but her faithful +heart; she believed and knew that he was yet her own affectionate +boy, although he might be gloomily silent, or apparently hard and +cold. And in all this, Mr. Benson could not choose but admire the +way in which she was insensibly teaching Leonard to conform to +the law of right, to recognise duty in the mode in which every +action was performed. When Mr. Benson saw this, he knew that all +goodness would follow, and that the claims which his mother's +infinite love had on the boy's heart would be acknowledged at +last, and all the more fully because she herself never urged +them, but silently admitted the force of the reason that caused +them to be for a time forgotten. By and-by Leonard's remorse at +his ungracious and sullen ways to his mother--ways that +alternated with passionate, fitful bursts of clinging +love--assumed more the character of repentance, he tried to do so +no more. But still his health was delicate; he was averse to +going out-of-doors; he was much graver and sadder than became his +age. It was what must be an inevitable consequence of what had +been; and Ruth had to be patient, and pray in secret, and with +many tears, for the strength she needed. + +She knew what it was to dread the going out into the streets +after her story had become known. For days and days she had +silently shrunk from this effort. But, one evening towards dusk, +Miss Benson was busy, and asked her to go an errand for her; and +Ruth, got up and silently obeyed her. That silence as to inward +suffering was only one part of her peculiar and exquisite +sweetness of nature; part of the patience with which she +"accepted her penance." Her true instincts told her that it was +not right to disturb others with many expressions of her remorse; +that the holiest repentance consisted in a quiet and daily +sacrifice. Still there were times when she wearied pitifully of +her inaction. She was so willing to serve and work, and every one +despised her services. Her mind, as I have said before, had been +well cultivated during these last few years; so now she used all +the knowledge she had gained in teaching Leonard, which was an +employment that Mr. Benson relinquished willingly, because he +felt that it would give her some of the occupation that she +needed. She endeavoured to make herself useful in the house in +every way she could; but the waters of house-keeping had closed +over her place during the time of her absence at Mr. +Bradshaw's--and, besides, now that they were trying to restrict +every unnecessary expense, it was sometimes difficult to find +work for three women. Many and many a time Ruth turned over in +her mind every possible chance of obtaining employment for her +leisure hours, and nowhere could she find it. Now and then Sally, +who was her confidante in this wish, procured her some +needlework, but it was of a coarse and common kind, soon done, +lightly paid for. But, whatever it was, Ruth took it, and was +thankful, although it added but a few pence to the household +purse. I do not mean that there was any great need of money; but +a new adjustment of expenditure was required--a reduction of +wants which had never been very extravagant. + +Ruth's salary of forty pounds was gone, while more of her "keep," +as Sally called it, was thrown upon the Bensons. Mr. Benson +received about eighty pounds a year for his salary as minister. +Of this, he knew that twenty pounds came from Mr. Bradshaw; and, +when the old man appointed to collect the pew-rents brought him +the quarterly amount, and he found no diminution in them, he +inquired how it was, and learnt that, although Mr. Bradshaw had +expressed to the collector his determination never to come to +chapel again, he had added, that of course his pew-rent should be +paid all the same. But this Mr. Benson could not suffer; and the +old man was commissioned to return the money to Mr. Bradshaw, as +being what his deserted minister could not receive. + +Mr. and Miss Benson had about thirty or forty pounds coming in +annually from a sum which, in happier days, Mr. Bradshaw had +invested in Canal shares for them. Altogether their income did +not fall much short of a hundred a year, and they lived in the +Chapel-house free of rent. So Ruth's small earnings were but very +little in actual hard commercial account, though in another sense +they were much; and Miss Benson always received them with quiet +simplicity. By degrees, Mr. Benson absorbed some of Ruth's time +in a gracious and natural way. He employed her mind in all the +kind offices he was accustomed to render to the poor around him. +And as much of the peace and ornament of life as they gained now +was gained on a firm basis of truth. If Ruth began low down to +find her place in the world, at any rate there was no flaw in the +foundation. + +Leonard was still their great anxiety. At times the question +seemed to be, could he live through all this trial of the +elasticity of childhood? And then they knew how precious a +blessing--how true a pillar of fire, he was to his mother; and +how black the night, and how dreary the wilderness would be, when +he was not. The child and the mother were each messengers of +God--angels to each other. + +They had long gaps between the pieces of intelligence respecting +the Bradshaws. Mr. Bradshaw had at length purchased the house at +Abermouth, and they were much there. The way in which the Bensons +heard most frequently of the family of their former friends, was +through Mr. Farquhar. He called on Mr. Benson about a month after +the latter had met Jemima in the street. Mr. Farquhar was not in +the habit of paying calls on any one; and, though he had always +entertained and evinced the most kind and friendly feeling +towards Mr. Benson, he had rarely been in the Chapel-house. Mr. +Benson received him courteously, but he rather expected that +there would be some especial reason alleged, before the +conclusion of the visit, for its occurrence; more particularly as +Mr. Farquhar sat talking on the topics of the day in a somewhat +absent manner, as if they were not the subjects most present to +his mind. The truth was, he could not help recurring to the last +time when he was in that room, waiting to take Leonard a ride, +and his heart beating rather more quickly than usual at the idea +that Ruth might bring the boy in when he was equipped. He was +very full now of the remembrance of Ruth; and yet he was also +most thankful, most self-gratulatory, that he had gone no further +in his admiration of her--that he had never expressed his regard +in words--that no one, as he believed, was cognisant of the +incipient love which had grown partly out of his admiration, and +partly out of his reason. He was thankful to be spared any +implication in the nine-days' wonder which her story had made in +Eccleston. And yet his feeling for her had been of so strong a +character, that he winced, as with extreme pain, at every +application of censure to her name. These censures were often +exaggerated, it is true; but, when they were just in their +judgment of the outward circumstances of the case, they were not +the less painful and distressing to him. His first rebound to +Jemima was occasioned by Mrs. Bradshaw's account of how severely +her husband was displeased at her daughter's having taken part +with Ruth; and he could have thanked and almost blessed Jemima +when she dropped in (she dared do no more) her pleading excuses +and charitable explanations on Ruth's behalf. Jemima had learnt +some humility from the discovery which had been to her so great a +shock; standing, she had learnt to take heed lest she fell; and, +when she had once been aroused to a perception of the violence of +the hatred which she had indulged against Ruth, she was more +reticent and measured in the expression of all her opinions. It +showed how much her character had been purified from pride, that +now she felt aware that what in her was again attracting Mr. +Farquhar was her faithful advocacy of her rival, wherever such +advocacy was wise or practicable. He was quite unaware that +Jemima had been conscious of his great admiration for Ruth; he +did not know that she had ever cared enough for him to be +jealous. But the unacknowledged bond between them now was their +grief, and sympathy, and pity for Ruth; only in Jemima these +feelings were ardent, and would fain have become active; while in +Mr. Farquhar they were strongly mingled with thankfulness that he +had escaped a disagreeable position, and a painful notoriety. His +natural caution induced him to make a resolution never to think +of any woman as a wife until he had ascertained all her +antecedents, from her birth upwards; and the same spirit of +caution, directed inwardly, made him afraid of giving too much +pity to Ruth, for fear of the conclusions to which such a feeling +might lead him. But still his old regard for her, for Leonard, +and his esteem and respect for the Bensons, induced him to lend a +willing ear to Jemima's earnest entreaty that he would go and +call on Mr. Benson, in order that she might learn something about +the family in general, and Ruth in particular. It was thus that +he came to sit by Mr. Benson's study fire, and to talk, in an +absent way, to that gentleman. How they got on the subject he did +not know, more than one-half of his attention being distracted; +but they were speaking about politics, when Mr. Farquhar learned +that Mr. Benson took in no newspaper. + +"Will you allow me to send you over my Times? I have generally +done with it before twelve o'clock, and after that it is really +waste-paper in my house. You will oblige me by making use of it." + +"I am sure I am very much obliged to you for thinking of it. But +do not trouble yourself to send it; Leonard can fetch it." + +"How is Leonard now?" asked Mr. Farquhar, and he tried to speak +indifferently; but a grave look of intelligence clouded his eyes +as he looked for Mr. Benson's answer. "I have not met him +lately." + +"No!" said Mr. Benson, with an expression of pain in his +countenance, though he, too, strove to speak in his usual tone. + +"Leonard is not strong, and we find it difficult to induce him to +go much out-of-doors." + +There was a little silence for a minute or two, during which Mr. +Farquhar had to check an unbidden sigh. But, suddenly rousing +himself into a determination to change the subject, he said-- + +"You will find rather a lengthened account of the exposure of Sir +Thomas Campbell's conduct at Baden. He seems to be a complete +blackleg, in spite of his baronetcy. I fancy the papers are glad +to get hold of anything just now." + +"Who is Sir Thomas Campbell?" asked Mr. Benson. + +"Oh, I thought you might have heard the report--a true one, I +believe--of Mr. Donne's engagement to his daughter. He must be +glad she jilted him now, I fancy, after this public exposure of +her father's conduct." (That was an awkward speech, as Mr. +Farquhar felt; and he hastened to cover it, by going on without +much connection.) + +"Dick Bradshaw is my informant about all these projected +marriages in high life--they are not much in my way; but, since +he has come down from London to take his share in the business, I +think I have heard more of the news and the scandal of what, I +suppose, would be considered high life, than ever I did before; +and Mr. Donne's proceedings seem to be an especial object of +interest to him." + +"And Mr. Donne is engaged to a Miss Campbell, is he?" + +"Was engaged; if I understood right, she broke off the engagement +to marry some Russian prince or other--a better match, Dick +Bradshaw told me. I assure you," continued Mr. Farquhar, smiling, +"I am a very passive recipient of all such intelligence, and +might very probably have forgotten all about it, if the Times of +this morning had not been so full of the disgrace of the young +lady's father." + +"Richard Bradshaw has quite left London, has he?" asked Mr. +Benson, who felt far more interest in his old patron's family +than in all the Campbells that ever were or ever would be. + +"Yes. He has come to settle down here. I hope he may do well, and +not disappoint his father, who has formed very high expectations +from him; I am not sure if they are not too high for any young +man to realise." Mr. Farquhar could have said more; but Dick +Bradshaw was Jemima's brother, and an object of anxiety to her. + +"I am sure, I trust such a mortification--such a grief as any +disappointment in Richard, may not befall his father," replied +Mr. Benson. + +"Jemima--Miss Bradshaw," said Mr. Farquhar, hesitating, "was most +anxious to hear of you all. I hope I may tell her you are all +well" (with an emphasis on all); "that----" + +"Thank you. Thank her for us. We are all well; all except +Leonard, who is not strong, as I said before. But we must be +patient. Time, and such devoted, tender love as he has from his +mother, must do much." + +Mr. Farquhar was silent. + +"Send him to my house for the papers. It will be a little +necessity for him to have some regular exercise, and to face the +world. He must do it, sooner or later." + +The two gentlemen shook hands with each other warmly on parting; +but no further allusion was made to either Ruth or Leonard. + +So Leonard went for the papers. Stealing along by back +streets--running with his head bent down--his little heart +panting with dread of being pointed out as his mother's child--so +he used to come back, and run trembling to Sally, who would hush +him up to her breast with many a rough-spoken word of pity and +sympathy. Mr. Farquhar tried to catch him to speak to him, and +tame him, as it were; and, by-and-by, he contrived to interest +him sufficiently to induce the boy to stay a little while in the +house or stables, or garden. But the race through the streets was +always to be dreaded as the end of ever so pleasant a visit. Mr. +Farquhar kept up the intercourse with the Bensons which he had +thus begun. He persevered in paying calls--quiet visits, where +not much was said, political or local news talked about, and the +same inquiries always made and answered as to the welfare of the +two families, who were estranged from each other. Mr. Farquhar's +reports were so little varied that Jemima grew anxious to know +more particulars. + +"Oh, Mr. Farquhar!" said she; "do you think they tell you the +truth? I wonder what Ruth can be doing to support herself and +Leonard? Nothing that you can hear of, you say; and, of course, +one must not ask the downright question. And yet I am sure they +must be pinched in some way. Do you think Leonard is stronger?" + +"I am not sure. He is growing fast; and such a blow as he has had +will be certain to make him more thoughtful and full of care than +most boys of his age; both these circumstances may make him thin +and pale, which he certainly is." + +"Oh! how I wish I might go and see them all! I could tell in a +twinkling the real state of things." She spoke with a tinge of +her old impatience. + +"I will go again, and pay particular attention to anything you +wish me to observe. You see, of course, I feel a delicacy about +asking any direct questions, or even alluding in any way to these +late occurrences." + +"And you never see Ruth by any chance?" + +"Never!" + +They did not look at each other while this last question was +asked and answered. + +"I will take the paper to-morrow myself; it will be an excuse for +calling again, and I will try to be very penetrating; but I have +not much hope of success. + +"Oh, thank you. It is giving you a great deal of trouble; but you +are very kind." + +"Kind, Jemima!" he repeated, in a tone which made her go very red +and hot; "must I tell you how you can reward me?--Will you call +me Walter?--say, thank you, Walter--just for once." + +Jemima felt herself yielding to the voice and tone in which this +was spoken; but her very consciousness of the depth of her love +made her afraid of giving way, and anxious to be wooed, that she +might be reinstated in her self-esteem. + +"No!" said she, "I don't think I can call you so. You are too +old. It would not be respectful." She meant it half in joke, and +had no idea he would take the allusion to his age so seriously as +he did. He rose up, and coldly, as a matter of form, in a changed +voice, wished her "Good-bye." Her heart sank; yet the old pride +was there. But as he was at the very door, some sudden impulse +made her speak-- + +"I have not vexed you, have I, Walter?" + +He turned round, glowing with a thrill of delight. She was as red +as any rose; her looks dropped down to the ground. + +They were not raised, when, half-an-hour afterwards, she said, +"You won't forbid my going to see Ruth, will you? because if you +do, I give you notice I shall disobey you." The arm around her +waist clasped her yet more fondly at the idea, suggested by this +speech, of the control which he should have a right to exercise +over her actions at some future day. + +"Tell me," said he, "how much of your goodness to me, this last +happy hour, has been owing to the desire of having more freedom +as a wife than as a daughter?" She was almost glad that he should +think she needed any additional motive to her love for him before +she could have accepted him. She was afraid that she had betrayed +the deep, passionate regard with which she had long looked upon +him. She was lost in delight at her own happiness. She was silent +for a time. At length she said-- + +"I don't think you know how faithful I have been to you ever +since the days when you first brought me pistachio-candy from +London--when I was quite a little girl." + +"Not more faithful than I have been to you," for in truth, the +recollection of his love for Ruth had utterly faded away, and he +thought himself a model of constancy; "and you have tried me +pretty well. What a vixen you have been!" Jemima sighed; smitten +with the consciousness of how little she had deserved her present +happiness; humble with the recollection of the evil thoughts that +had raged in her heart during the time (which she remembered +well, though he may have forgotten it) when Ruth had had the +affection which her jealous rival coveted. + +"I may speak to your father; may not I, Jemima?" + +No! for some reason or fancy which she could not define, and +could not be persuaded out of, she wished to keep their mutual +understanding a secret. She had a natural desire to avoid the +congratulations she expected from her family. She dreaded her +father's consideration of the whole affair as a satisfactory +disposal of his daughter to a worthy man, who, being his partner, +would not require any abstraction of capital from the concern, +and Richard's more noisy delight at his sister's having "hooked" +so good a match. It was only her simple-hearted mother that she +longed to tell. She knew that her mother's congratulations would +not jar upon her, though they might not sound the full organ-peal +of her love. But all that her mother knew passed onwards to her +father; so for the present, at any rate, she determined to +realise her secret position alone. Somehow, the sympathy of all +others that she most longed for was Ruth's; but the first +communication of such an event was due to her parents. She +imposed very strict regulations on Mr. Farquhar's behaviour; and +quarrelled and differed from him more than ever, but with a +secret joyful understanding with him in her heart, even while +they disagreed with each other--for similarity of opinion is not +always--I think not often--needed for fulness and perfection of +love. + +After Ruth's "detection," as Mr. Bradshaw used to call it, he +said he could never trust another governess again; so Mary and +Elizabeth had been sent to school the following Christmas, and +their place in the family was but poorly supplied by the return +of Mr. Richard Bradshaw, who had left London, and been received +as a partner. + + +CHAPTER XXIX + + +SALLY TAKES HER MONEY OUT OF THE BANK + +The conversation narrated in the last chapter as taking place +between Mr. Farquhar and Jemima, occurred about a year after +Ruth's dismissal from her situation. That year, full of small +events, and change of place to the Bradshaws, had been monotonous +and long in its course to the other household. There had been no +want of peace and tranquillity; there had, perhaps, been more of +them than in the preceding years, when, though unacknowledged by +any, all must have occasionally felt the oppression of the +falsehood--and a slight glancing dread must have flashed across +their most prosperous state, lest, somehow or another, the +mystery should be disclosed. But now, as the shepherd-boy in John +Bunyan sweetly sang, "He that is low need fear no fall." Still, +their peace was as the stillness of a grey autumnal day, when no +sun is to be seen above, and when a quiet film seems drawn before +both sky and earth, as if to rest the wearied eyes after the +summer's glare. Few events broke the monotony of their lives, and +those events were of a depressing kind. They consisted in Ruth's +futile endeavours to obtain some employment, however humble; in +Leonard's fluctuations of spirits and health; in Sally's +increasing deafness; in the final and unmendable wearing-out of +the parlour carpet, which there was no spare money to replace, +and so they cheerfully supplied its want by a large hearth-rug +that Ruth made out of ends of list; and, what was more a subject +of unceasing regret to Mr. Benson than all, the defection of some +of the members of his congregation, who followed Mr. Bradshaw's +lead. Their places, to be sure, were more than filled up by the +poor, who thronged to his chapel; but still it was a +disappointment to find that people about whom he had been +earnestly thinking--to whom he had laboured to do good--should +dissolve the connection without a word of farewell or +explanation. Mr. Benson did not wonder that they should go; nay, +he even felt it right that they should seek that spiritual help +from another, which he, by his error, had forfeited his power to +offer; he only wished they had spoken of their intention to him +in an open and manly way. But not the less did he labour on among +those to whom God permitted him to be of use. He felt age +stealing upon him apace, although he said nothing about it, and +no one seemed to be aware of it; and he worked the more +diligently while "it was yet day." It was not the number of his +years that made him feel old, for he was only sixty, and many men +are hale and strong at that time of life; in all probability, it +was that early injury to his spine which affected the +constitution of his mind as well as his body, and predisposed +him, in the opinion of some at least, to a feminine morbidness of +conscience. He had shaken off somewhat of this since the affair +with Mr. Bradshaw; he was simpler and more dignified than he had +been for several years before, during which time he had been +anxious and uncertain in his manner, and more given to thought +than to action. + +The one happy bright spot in this grey year was owing to Sally. +As she said of herself, she believed she grew more "nattered" as +she grew older; but that she was conscious of her "natteredness" +was a new thing, and a great gain to the comfort of the house, +for it made her very grateful for forbearance, and more aware of +kindness than she had ever been before. She had become very deaf; +yet she was uneasy and jealous if she were not informed of all +the family thoughts, plans, and proceedings, which often had +(however private in their details) to be shouted to her at the +full pitch of the voice. But she always heard Leonard perfectly. +His clear and bell-like voice, which was similar to his mother's +till sorrow had taken the ring out of it, was sure to be heard by +the old servant, though every one else had failed. Sometimes, +however, she "got her hearing sudden," as she phrased it, and was +alive to every word and noise, more particularly when they did +not want her to hear; and at such times she resented their +continuance of the habit of speaking loud as a mortal offence. +One day, her indignation at being thought deaf called out one of +the rare smiles on Leonard's face; she saw it, and said, "Bless +thee, lad; if it but amuses thee, they may shout through a ram's +horn to me, and I'll never let on I'm not deaf. It's as good a +use as I can be of," she continued to herself, "if I can make +that poor lad smile a bit." + +If she expected to be everybody's confidant, she made Leonard +hers. "There!" said she, when she came home from her marketing +one Saturday night, "look here, lad! Here's forty-two pound, +seven shillings and twopence! It's a mint of money, isn't it? I +took it all in sovereigns for fear of fire." + +"What is it all for, Sally?" said he. + +"Ay, lad! that's asking. It's Mr. Benson's money," said she +mysteriously, "that I've been keeping for him. Is he in the +study, think ye?" + +"Yes! I think so. Where have you been keeping it?" + +"Never you mind!" She went towards the study, but, thinking she +might have been hard on her darling in refusing to gratify his +curiosity, she turned back and said-- + +"I say--if thou wilt thou mayest do me a job of work some day. +I'm wanting a frame made for a piece of writing." + +And then she returned to go into the study, carrying her +sovereigns in her apron. + +"Here, Master Thurstan," said she, pouring them out on the table +before her astonished master. "Take it, it's all yours." + +"All mine! What can you mean?" asked he, bewildered. + +She did not hear him and went on-- + +"Lock it up safe out o' the way. Dunnot go and leave it about to +tempt folks. I'll not answer for myself if money's left about. I +may be cribbing a sovereign." + +"But where does it come from?" said he. + +"Come from!" she replied. "Where does all money come from but the +bank, to be sure. I thought any one could tell that." + +"I have no money in the bank!" said he, more and more perplexed. + +"No, I knowed that; but I had. Dunnot ye remember how ye would +raise my wage last Martinmas eighteen year? You and Faith were +very headstrong, but I was too deep for you. See thee! I went and +put it i' th' bank. I was never going to touch it; and if I had +died it would have been all right, for I'd a will made, all +regular and tight--made by a lawyer (leastwise he would have been +a lawyer if he hadn't got transported first). And now, thinks I, +I think I'll just go and get it out and give it 'em. Banks is not +always safe." + +"I'll take care of it for you with the greatest pleasure. Still, +you know, banks allow interest." + +"D'ye suppose I don't know all about interest and compound +interest too by this time? I tell ye I want ye to spend it. It's +your own. It's not mine. It always was yours. Now you're not +going to fret me by saying you think it mine." Mr. Benson held +out his hand to her, for he could not speak. She bent forward to +him as he sat there and kissed him. + +"Eh, bless ye, lad! It's the first kiss I've had of ye sin' ye +were a little lad, and it's a great refreshment. Now don't you +and Faith go and bother me with talking about it. It's just +yours, and make no more ado." + +She went back into the kitchen, and brought out her will, and +gave Leonard directions how to make a frame for it; for the boy +was a very tolerable joiner, and had a box of tools which Mr. +Bradshaw had given him some years ago. + +"It's a pity to lose such fine writing," said she; "though I +can't say as I can read it. Perhaps you'd just read it for me, +Leonard." She sat open-mouthed with admiration at all the long +words. + +The frame was made, and the will hung up opposite to her bed, +unknown to any one but Leonard; and, by dint of his repeated +reading it over to her, she learnt all the words, except +"testatrix" which she would always call "testy tricks." Mr. +Benson had been too much gratified and touched, by her +unconditional gift of all she had in the world, to reject it; but +he only held it in his hands as a deposit until he could find a +safe investment befitting so small a sum. The little +rearrangements of the household expenditure had not touched him +as they had done the women. He was aware that meat-dinners were +not now everyday occurrences; but he preferred puddings and +vegetables, and was glad of the exchange. He observed, too, that +they all sat together in the kitchen in the evenings; but the +kitchen, with the well-scoured dresser, the shining saucepans, +the well-blacked grate, and whitened hearth, and the warmth which +seemed to rise up from the very flags, and ruddily cheer the most +distant corners, appeared a very cosy and charming sitting-room; +and, besides, it appeared but right that Sally, in her old age, +should have the companionship of those with whom she had lived in +love and faithfulness so many years. He only wished he could more +frequently leave the solitary comfort of his study, and join the +kitchen party; where Sally sat as mistress in the chimney corner, +knitting by firelight, and Miss Benson and Ruth, with the candle +between them, stitched away at their work; while Leonard strewed +the ample dresser with his slate and books. He did not mope and +pine over his lessons; they were the one thing that took him out +of himself. As yet his mother could teach him, though in some +respects it was becoming a strain upon her acquirements and +powers. Mr. Benson saw this, but reserved his offers of help as +long as he could, hoping that before his assistance became +absolutely necessary, some mode of employment beyond that of +occasional plain-work might be laid open to Ruth. + +In spite of the communication they occasionally had with Mr. +Farquhar, when he gave them the intelligence of his engagement to +Jemima, it seemed like a glimpse into a world from which they +were shut out. They wondered--Miss Benson and Ruth did at +least--much about the details. Ruth sat over her sewing, fancying +how all had taken place; and, as soon as she had arranged the +events which were going on among people and places once so +familiar to her, she found some discrepancy, and set-to afresh to +picture the declaration of love, and the yielding, blushing +acceptance; for Mr. Farquhar had told little beyond the mere fact +that there was an engagement between himself and Jemima which had +existed for some time, but which had been kept secret until now, +when it was acknowledged, sanctioned, and to be fulfilled as soon +as he returned from an arrangement of family affairs in Scotland. +This intelligence had been enough for Mr. Benson, who was the +only person Mr. Farquhar saw; as Ruth always shrank from the post +of opening the door, and Mr. Benson was apt at recognising +individual knocks, and always prompt to welcome Mr. Farquhar. + +Miss Benson occasionally thought--and what she thought she was in +the habit of saying--that Jemima might have come herself to +announce such an event to old friends; but Mr. Benson decidedly +vindicated her from any charge of neglect, by expressing his +strong conviction that to her they owed Mr. Farquhar's calls--his +all but out-spoken offers of service--his quiet, steady interest +in Leonard; and, moreover (repeating the conversation he had had +with her in the street, the first time they met after the +disclosure), Mr. Benson told his sister how glad he was to find +that, with all the warmth of her impetuous disposition hurrying +her on to rebellion against her father, she was now attaining to +that just self-control which can distinguish between mere wishes +and true reasons--that she could abstain from coming to see Ruth +while she would do but little good, reserving herself for some +great occasion or strong emergency. + +Ruth said nothing, but she yearned all the more in silence to see +Jemima. In her recollection of that fearful interview with Mr. +Bradshaw, which haunted her yet, sleeping or waking, she was +painfully conscious that she had not thanked Jemima for her +generous, loving advocacy; it had passed unregarded at the time +in intensity of agony--but now she recollected that by no word, +or tone, or touch, had she given any sign of gratitude. Mr. +Benson had never told her of his meeting with Jemima; so it +seemed as if there were no hope of any future opportunity for it +is strange how two households, rent apart by some dissension, can +go through life, their parallel existences running side by side, +yet never touching each other, near neighbours as they are, +habitual and familiar guests as they may have been. + +Ruth's only point of hope was Leonard. She was weary of looking +for work and employment, which everywhere seemed held above her +reach. She was not impatient of this but she was very, very +sorry. She felt within her such capability, and all ignored her, +and passed her by on the other side. But she saw some progress in +Leonard. Not that he could continue to have the happy +development, and genial ripening, which other boys have; leaping +from childhood to boyhood, and thence to youth, with glad bounds, +and unconsciously enjoying every age. At present there was no +harmony in Leonard's character; he was as full of thought and +self-consciousness as many men, planning his actions long +beforehand, so as to avoid what he dreaded, and what she could +not yet give him strength to face, coward as she was herself, and +shrinking from hard remarks. Yet Leonard was regaining some of +his lost tenderness towards his mother; when they were alone he +would throw himself on her neck and smother her with kisses, +without any apparent cause for such a passionate impulse. If any +one was by, his manner was cold and reserved. The hopeful parts +of his character were the determination evident in him to be a +"law unto himself," and the serious thought which he gave to the +formation of this law. There was an inclination in him to reason, +especially and principally with Mr. Benson, on the great +questions of ethics which the majority of the world have settled +long ago. But I do not think he ever so argued with his mother. +Her lovely patience, and her humility, was earning its reward; +and from her quiet piety, bearing sweetly the denial of her +wishes--the refusal of her begging--the disgrace in which she +lay, while others, less worthy were employed--this, which +perplexed him, and almost angered him at first, called out his +reverence at last, and what she said he took for his law with +proud humility; and thus softly she was leading him up to God. +His health was not strong; it was not likely to be. He moaned and +talked in his sleep, and his appetite was still variable, part of +which might be owing to his preference of the hardest lessons to +any outdoor exercise. But this last unnatural symptom was +vanishing before the assiduous kindness of Mr. Farquhar, and the +quiet but firm desire of his mother. Next to Ruth, Sally had +perhaps the most influence over him; but he dearly loved both Mr. +and Miss Benson; although he was reserved on this, as on every +point not purely intellectual. His was a hard childhood, and his +mother felt that it was so. Children bear any moderate degree of +poverty and privation cheerfully; but, in addition to a good deal +of this, Leonard had to bear a sense of disgrace attaching to him +and to the creature he loved best; this it was that took out of +him the buoyancy and natural gladness of youth, in a way which no +scantiness of food or clothing or want of any outward comfort, +could ever have done. + +Two years had passed away--two long, eventless years. Something +was now going to happen, which touched their hearts very nearly, +though out of their sight and hearing. Jemima was going to be +married this August, and by-and-by the very day was fixed. It was +to be on the 14th. On the evening of the 13th, Ruth was sitting +alone in the parlour, idly gazing out on the darkening shadows in +the little garden; her eyes kept filling with quiet tears, that +rose, not for her own isolation from all that was going on of +bustle and preparation for the morrow's event, but because she +had seen how Miss Benson had felt that she and her brother were +left out from the gathering of old friends in the Bradshaw +family. As Ruth sat, suddenly she was aware of a figure by her; +she started up, and in the gloom of the apartment she recognised +Jemima. In an instant they were in each other's arms--a long, +fast embrace. + +"Can you forgive me?" whispered Jemima in Ruth's ear. + +"Forgive you! What do you mean? What have I to forgive? The +question is, can I ever thank you as I long to do, if I could +find words?" + +"Oh, Ruth, how I hated you once!" + +"It was all the more noble in you to stand by me as you did. You +must have hated me when you knew how I was deceiving you all!" + +"No, that was not it that made me hate you. It was before that. +Oh, Ruth, I did hate you!" + +They were silent for some time, still holding each other's hands. +Ruth spoke first-- + +"And you are going to be married to-morrow!" + +"Yes," said Jemima. "To-morrow at nine o'clock. But I don't think +I could have been married without coming to wish Mr. Benson and +Miss Faith good-bye." + +"I will go for them," said Ruth. + +"No, not just yet. I want to ask you one or two questions first. +Nothing very particular; only it seems as if there had been such +a strange, long separation between us. Ruth," said she, dropping +her voice, "is Leonard stronger than he was? I was so sorry to +hear about him from Walter. But he is better?" asked she +anxiously. + +"Yes, he is better. Not what a boy of his age should be," replied +his mother, in a tone of quiet but deep mournfulness. "Oh, +Jemima!" continued she, "my sharpest punishment comes through +him. To think of what he might have been, and what he is." + +"But Walter says he is both stronger in health, and not +so--nervous and shy;" Jemima added the last words in a hesitating +and doubtful manner, as if she did not know how to express her +full meaning without hurting Ruth. + +"He does not show that he feels his disgrace so much. I cannot +talk about it, Jemima, my heart aches so about him. But he is +better," she continued, feeling that Jemima's kind anxiety +required an answer at any cost of pain to herself. + +"He is only studying too closely now; he takes to his lessons +evidently as a relief from thought. He is very clever, and I hope +and trust, yet I tremble to say it, I believe he is very good." + +"You must let him come and see us very often when we come back. +We shall be two months away. We are going to Germany, partly on +Walter's business. Ruth, I have been talking to papa to-night, +very seriously and quietly; and it has made me love him so much +more, and understand him so much better." + +"Does he know of your coming here? I hope he does," said Ruth. + +"Yes. Not that he liked my doing it at all. But, somehow, I can +always do things against a person's wishes more easily when I am +on good terms with them--that's not exactly what I meant; but now +to-night, after papa had had been showing me that he really loved +me more than I ever thought he had done (for I always fancied he +was so absorbed in Dick, he did not care much for us girls), I +felt brave enough to say that I intended to come here and bid you +all good-bye. He was silent for a minute, and then said I might +do it, but I must remember he did not approve of it, and was not +to be compromised by my coming; still I can tell that, at the +bottom of his heart, there is some of the old kindly feeling to +Mr. and Miss Benson, and I don't despair of its all being made +up, though, perhaps, I ought to say that mamma does." + +"Mr. and Miss Benson won't hear of my going away," said Ruth +sadly. + +"They are quite right." + +"But I am earning nothing. I cannot get any employment. I am only +a burden and an expense." + +"Are you not also a pleasure? And Leonard, is he not a dear +object of love? It is easy for me to talk, I know, who am so +impatient. Oh, I never deserved to be so happy as I am! You don't +know how good Walter is. I used to think him so cold and +cautious. But now, Ruth, will you tell Mr. and Miss Benson that I +am here? There is signing of papers, and I don't know what to be +done at home. And when I come back, I hope to see you often, if +you'll let me." + +Mr. and Miss Benson gave her a warm greeting. Sally was called +in, and would bring a candle with her, to have a close inspection +of her, in order to see if she was changed--she had not seen her +for so long a time, she said; and Jemima stood laughing and +blushing in the middle of the room, while Sally studied her all +over, and would not be convinced that the old gown which she was +wearing for the last time was not one of the new wedding ones. +The consequence of which misunderstanding was, that Sally, in her +short petticoats and bedgown, turned up her nose at the +old-fashioned way in which Miss Bradshaw's gown was made. But +Jemima knew the old woman, and rather enjoyed the contempt for +her dress. At last she kissed them all, and ran away to her +impatient Mr. Farquhar, who was awaiting her. + +Not many weeks after this, the poor old woman whom I have named +as having become a friend of Ruth's during Leonard's illness +three years ago, fell down and broke her hip-bone. It was a +serious, probably a fatal, injury, for one so old; and as soon as +Ruth heard of it she devoted all her leisure time to old Ann +Fleming. Leonard had now outstripped his mother's powers of +teaching, and Mr. Benson gave him his lessons; so Ruth was a +great deal at the cottage both night and day. There Jemima found +her one November evening, the second after their return from +their prolonged stay on the Continent. She and Mr. Farquhar had +been to the Bensons, and had sat there some time; and now Jemima +had come on just to see Ruth for five minutes, before the evening +was too dark for her to return alone. She found Ruth sitting on a +stool before the fire, which was composed of a few sticks on the +hearth. The blaze they gave was, however, enough to enable her to +read; and she was deep in study of the Bible in which she had +read aloud to the poor old woman, until the latter had fallen +asleep. Jemima beckoned her out, and they stood on the green just +before the open door, so that Ruth could see if Ann awoke. + +"I have not many minutes to stay, only I felt as if I must see +you. And we want Leonard to come to us to see all our German +purchases, and hear all our German adventures. May he come +to-morrow?" + +"Yes; thank you. Oh! Jemima, I have heard something--I have got a +plan that makes me so happy! I have not told any one yet. But Mr. +Wynne (the parish doctor, you know) has asked me if I would go +out as a sick nurse--he thinks he could find me employment." + +"You, a sick nurse!" said Jemima, involuntarily glancing over the +beautiful lithe figure, and the lovely refinement of Ruth's face +as the light of the rising moon fell upon it. "My dear Ruth, I +don't think you are fitted for it!" + +"Don't you?" said Ruth, a little disappointed. "I think I am; at +least, that I should be very soon. I like being about sick and +helpless people; I always feel so sorry for them; and then I +think I have the gift of a very delicate touch, which is such a +comfort in many cases. And I should try to be very watchful and +patient. Mr. Wynne proposed it himself." + +"It was not in that way I meant you were not fitted for it. I +meant that you were fitted for something better. Why, Ruth, you +are better educated than I am!" + +"But if nobody will allow me to teach?--for that is what I +suppose you mean. Besides, I feel as if all my education would be +needed to make me a good sick nurse." + +"Your knowledge of Latin, for instance," said Jemima, hitting, in +her vexation at the plan, on the first acquirement of Ruth she +could think of. + +"Well!" said Ruth, "that won't come amiss; I can read the +prescriptions." + +"Which the doctors would rather you did not do." + +"Still, you can't say that any knowledge of any kind will be in +my way, or will unfit me for my work." + +"Perhaps not. But all your taste and refinement will be in your +way, and will unfit you." + +"You have not thought about this so much as I have, or you would +not say so. Any fastidiousness I shall have to get rid of, and I +shall be better without; but any true refinement I am sure I +shall find of use; for don't you think that every power we have +may be made to help us in any right work, whatever that is? Would +you not rather be nursed by a person who spoke gently and moved +quietly about, than by a loud bustling woman?" + +"Yes, to be sure; but a person unfit for anything else may move +quietly, and speak gently, and give medicine when the doctor +orders it, and keep awake at night; and those are the best +qualities I ever heard of in a sick nurse." Ruth was quite silent +for some time. At last she said, "At any rate it is work, and as +such I am thankful for it. You cannot discourage me--and perhaps +you know too little of what my life has been--how set apart in +idleness I have been--to sympathise with me fully." + +"And I wanted you to come to see us--me in my new home. Walter +and I had planned that we would persuade you to come to us very +often" (she had planned, and Mr. Farquhar had consented); "and +now you will have to be fastened up in a sick-room." + +"I could not have come," said Ruth quickly. "Dear Jemima! it is +like you to have thought of it--but I could not come to your +house. It is not a thing to reason about. It is just feeling. But +I do feel as if I could not go. Dear Jemima! if you are ill or +sorrowful, and want me, I will come----" + +"So you would and must to any one, if you take up that calling." + +"But I should come to you, love, in quite a different way; I +should go to you with my heart full of love--so full that I am +afraid I should be too anxious." + +"I almost wish I were ill, that I might make you come at once." + +"And I am almost ashamed to think how I should like you to be in +some position in which I could show you how well I remember that +day--that terrible day in the school-room. God bless you for it, +Jemima!" + + +CHAPTER XXX + + +THE FORGED DEED + +Mr. Wynne, the parish surgeon, was right. He could and did obtain +employment for Ruth as a sick nurse. Her home was with the +Bensons; every spare moment was given to Leonard and to them; but +she was at the call of all the invalids in the town. At first her +work lay exclusively among the paupers. At first, too, there was +a recoil from many circumstances, which impressed upon her the +most fully the physical sufferings of those whom she tended. But +she tried to lose the sense of these--or rather to lessen them, +and make them take their appointed places--in thinking of the +individuals themselves, as separate from their decaying frames; +and all along she had enough self-command to control herself from +expressing any sign of repugnance. She allowed herself no nervous +haste of movement or touch that should hurt the feelings of the +poorest, most friendless creature, who ever lay a victim to +disease. There was no rough getting over of all the disagreeable +and painful work of her employment. When it was a lessening of +pain to have the touch careful and delicate, and the ministration +performed with gradual skill, Ruth thought of her charge, and not +of herself. As she had foretold, she found a use for all her +powers. The poor patients themselves were unconsciously gratified +and soothed by her harmony and refinement of manner, voice, and +gesture. If this harmony and refinement had been merely +superficial, it would not have had this balmy effect. That arose +from its being the true expression of a kind, modest, and humble +spirit. By degrees her reputation as a nurse spread upwards, and +many sought her good offices who could well afford to pay for +them. Whatever remuneration was offered to her, she took it +simply and without comment; for she felt that it was not hers to +refuse; that it was, in fact, owing to the Bensons for her and +her child's subsistence. She went wherever her services were +first called for. If the poor bricklayer, who broke both his legs +in a fall from the scaffolding, sent for her when she was +disengaged, she went and remained with him until he could spare +her, let who would be the next claimant. From the happy and +prosperous in all but health she would occasionally beg off; when +some one less happy and more friendless wished for her; and +sometimes she would ask for a little money from Mr. Benson to +give to such in their time of need. But it was astonishing how +much she was able to do without money. + +Her ways were very quiet; she never spoke much. Any one who has +been oppressed with the weight of a vital secret for years, and +much more any one the character of whose life has been stamped by +one event, and that producing sorrow and shame, is naturally +reserved. And yet Ruth's silence was not like reserve; it was too +gentle and tender for that. It had more the effect of a hush of +all loud or disturbing emotions, and out of the deep calm the +words that came forth had a beautiful power. She did not talk +much about religion; but those who noticed her knew that it was +the unseen banner which she was following. The low-breathed +sentences which she spoke into the ear of the sufferer and the +dying carried them upwards to God. + +She gradually became known and respected among the roughest boys +of the rough populace of the town. They would make way for her +when she passed along the streets with more deference than they +used to most; for all knew something of the tender care with +which she had attended this or that sick person, and, besides, +she was so often in connection with Death that something of the +superstitious awe with which the dead were regarded by those +rough boys in the midst of their strong life, surrounded her. + +She herself did not feel changed. She felt just as faulty--as far +from being what she wanted to be, as ever. She best knew how many +of her good actions were incomplete, and marred with evil. She +did not feel much changed from the earliest Ruth she could +remember. Everything seemed to change but herself. Mr. and Miss +Benson grew old, and Sally grew deaf, and Leonard was shooting +up, and Jemima was a mother. She and the distant hills that she +saw from her chamber window, seemed the only things which were +the same as when she first came to Eccleston. As she sat looking +out, and taking her fill of solitude, which sometimes was her +most thorough rest--as she sat at the attic window looking +abroad--she saw their next-door neighbour carried out to sun +himself in his garden. When she first came to Eccleston, this +neighbour and his daughter were often seen taking long and +regular walks; by-and-by his walks became shorter, and the +attentive daughter would convoy him home, and set out afresh to +finish her own. Of late years he had only gone out in the garden +behind his house; but at first he had walked pretty briskly there +by his daughter's help--now he was carried, and placed in a +large, cushioned easy-chair, his head remaining where it was +placed against the pillow, and hardly moving when his kind +daughter, who was now middle-aged, brought him the first roses of +the summer. This told Ruth of the lapse of life and time. + +Mr. and Mrs. Farquhar were constant in their attentions; but +there was no sign of Mr. Bradshaw ever forgiving the imposition +which had been practised upon him, and Mr. Benson ceased to hope +for any renewal of their intercourse. Still, he thought that he +must know of all the kind attentions which Jemima paid to them, +and of the fond regard which both she and her husband bestowed on +Leonard. This latter feeling even went so far that Mr. Farquhar +called one day, and with much diffidence begged Mr. Benson to +urge Ruth to let him be sent to school at his (Mr. Farquhar's) +expense. + +Mr. Benson was taken by surprise, and hesitated. "I do not know. +It would be a great advantage in some respects; and yet I doubt +whether it would in others. His mother's influence over him is +thoroughly good, and I should fear that any thoughtless allusions +to his peculiar position might touch the raw spot in his mind." + +"But he is so unusually clever, it seems a shame not to give him +all the advantages he can have. Besides, does he see much of his +mother now?" + +"Hardly a day passes without her coming home to be an hour or so +with him, even at her busiest times; she says it is her best +refreshment. And often, you know, she is disengaged for a week or +two, except the occasional services which she is always rendering +to those who need her. Your offer is very tempting, but there is +so decidedly another view of the question to be considered, that +I believe we must refer it to her." + +"With all my heart. Don't hurry her to a decision. Let her weigh +it well. I think she will find the advantages preponderate." + +"I wonder if I might trouble you with a little business, Mr. +Farquhar, as you are here?" + +"Certainly; I am only too glad to be of any use to you." + +"Why, I see from the report of the Star Life Assurance Company in +the Times, which you are so good as to send me, that they have +declared a bonus on the shares; now it seems strange that I have +received no notification of it, and I thought that perhaps it +might be lying at your office, as Mr. Bradshaw was the purchaser +of the shares, and I have always received the dividends through +your firm." + +Mr. Farquhar took the newspaper, and ran his eye over the report. + +"I have no doubt that's the way of it," said he. "Some of our +clerks have been careless about it; or it may be Richard himself. +He is not always the most punctual and exact of mortals; but I'll +see about it. Perhaps after all it mayn't come for a day or two; +they have always such numbers of these circulars to send out." + +"Oh! I'm in no hurry about it. I only want to receive it some +time before I incur any expenses, which the promise of this bonus +may tempt me to indulge in." + +Mr. Farquhar took his leave. That evening there was a long +conference, for, as it happened, Ruth was at home. She was +strenuously against the school plan. She could see no advantages +that would counterbalance the evil which she dreaded from any +school for Leonard; namely, that the good opinion and regard of +the world would assume too high an importance in his eyes. The +very idea seemed to produce in her so much shrinking affright, +that by mutual consent the subject was dropped; to be taken up +again, or not, according to circumstances. + +Mr. Farquhar wrote the next morning, on Mr. Benson's behalf, to +the Insurance Company, to inquire about the bonus. Although he +wrote in the usual formal way, he did not think it necessary to +tell Mr. Bradshaw what he had done; for Mr. Benson's name was +rarely mentioned between the partners; each had been made fully +aware of the views which the other entertained on the subject +that had caused the estrangement; and Mr. Farquhar felt that no +external argument could affect Mr. Bradshaw's resolved +disapproval and avoidance of his former minister. + +As it happened, the answer from the Insurance Company (directed +to the firm) was given to Mr. Bradshaw along with the other +business letters. It was to the effect that Mr. Benson's shares +had been sold and transferred above a twelvemonth ago, which +sufficiently accounted for the circumstance that no notification +of the bonus had been sent to him. + +Mr. Bradshaw tossed the letter on one side, not displeased to +have a good reason for feeling a little contempt at the +unbusiness-like forgetfulness of Mr. Benson, at whose instance +some one had evidently been writing to the Insurance Company. On +Mr. Farquhar's entrance, he expressed this feeling to him. + +"Really," he said, "these Dissenting ministers have no more +notion of exactitude in their affairs than a child! The idea of +forgetting that he has sold his shares, and applying for the +bonus, when it seems he has transferred them only a year ago!" + +Mr. Farquhar was reading the letter while Mr. Bradshaw spoke. + +"I don't quite understand it," said he. "Mr. Benson was quite +clear about it. He could not have received his half-yearly +dividends unless he had been possessed of these shares; and I +don't suppose Dissenting ministers, with all their ignorance of +business, are unlike other men in knowing whether or not they +receive the money that they believe to be owing to them." + +"I should not wonder if they were--if Benson was, at any rate. +Why, I never knew his watch to be right in all my life--it was +always too fast or too slow; it must have been a daily discomfort +to him. It ought to have been. Depend upon it, his money matters +are just in the same irregular state; no accounts kept, I'll be +bound." + +"I don't see that that follows," said Mr. Farquhar, half amused. +"That watch of his is a very curious one--belonged to his father +and grandfather, I don't know how far back." + +"And the sentimental feelings which he is guided by prompt him to +keep it, to the inconvenience of himself and every one else." + +Mr. Farquhar gave up the subject of the watch as hopeless. + +"But about this letter. I wrote, at Mr. Benson's desire, to the +Insurance Office, and I am not satisfied with this answer. All +the transaction has passed through our hands. I do not think it +is likely Mr. Benson would write and sell the shares without, at +any rate, informing us at the time, even though he forgot all +about it afterwards." + +"Probably he told Richard, or Mr. Watson." + +"We can ask Mr. Watson at once. I am afraid we must wait till +Richard comes home, for I don't know where a letter would catch +him." Mr. Bradshaw pulled the bell that rang into the +head-clerk's room, saying as he did so-- + +"You may depend upon it, Farquhar, the blunder lies with Benson +himself. He is just the man to muddle away his money in +indiscriminate charity, and then to wonder what has become of +it." + +Mr. Farquhar was discreet enough to hold his tongue. + +"Mr. Watson," said Mr. Bradshaw, as the old clerk made his +appearance, "here is some mistake about those Insurance shares we +purchased for Benson ten or a dozen years ago. He spoke to Mr. +Farquhar about some bonus they are paying to the shareholders, it +seems; and, in reply to Mr. Farquhar's letter, the Insurance +Company say the shares were sold twelve months since. Have you +any knowledge of the transaction? Has the transfer passed through +your hands? By the way" (turning to Mr. Farquhar), "who kept the +certificates? Did Benson or we?" + +"I really don't know," said Mr. Farquhar. "Perhaps Mr. Watson can +tell us." + +Mr. Watson meanwhile was studying the letter. When he had ended +it, he took off his spectacles, wiped them, and replacing them, +he read it again. + +"It seems very strange, sir," he said at length, with his +trembling, aged voice, "for I paid Mr. Benson the account of the +dividends myself last June, and got a receipt in form, and that +is since the date of the alleged transfer." + +"Pretty nearly twelve months after it took place," said Mr. +Farquhar. + +"How did you receive the dividends? An order on the Bank, along +with old Mrs. Cranmer's?" asked Mr. Bradshaw sharply. + +"I don't know how they came. Mr. Richard gave me the money, and +desired me to get the receipt." + +"It's unlucky Richard is from home," said Mr. Bradshaw; "he could +have cleared up this mystery for us." + +Mr. Farquhar was silent. + +"Do you know where the certificates were kept, Mr. Watson?" said +he. + +"I'll not be sure, but I think they were with Mrs. Cranmer's +papers and deeds in box A, 24." + +"I wish old Cranmer would have made any other man his executor. +She, too, is always coming with some unreasonable request or +other." + +"Mr. Benson's inquiry about his bonus is perfectly reasonable, at +any rate." Mr. Watson, who was dwelling in the slow fashion of +age on what had been said before, now spoke-- + +"I'll not be sure, but I am almost certain, Mr. Benson said, when +I paid him last June, that he thought he ought to give the +receipt on a stamp, and had spoken about it to Mr. Richard the +time before, but that Mr. Richard said it was of no consequence. +Yes," continued he, gathering up his memory as he went on, "he +did--I remember now--and I thought to myself that Mr. Richard was +but a young man. Mr. Richard will know all about it." + +"Yes," said Mr. Farquhar gravely. + +"I shan't wait till Richard's return," said Mr. Bradshaw. "We can +soon see if the certificates are in the box Watson points out; if +they are there, the Insurance people are no more fit to manage +their concern than that cat, and I shall tell them so. If they +are not there (as I suspect will prove to be the case), it is +just forgetfulness on Benson's part, as I have said from the +first." + +"You forget the payment of the dividends," said Mr. Farquhar, in +a low voice. + +"Well, sir! what then?" said Mr. Bradshaw abruptly. While he +spoke--while his eye met Mr. Farquhar's--the hinted meaning of +the latter flashed through his mind; but he was only made angry +to find that such a suspicion could pass through any one's +imagination. + +"I suppose I may go, sir," said Watson respectfully, an uneasy +consciousness of what was in Mr. Farquhar's thoughts troubling +the faithful old clerk. + +"Yes. Go. What do you mean about the dividends?" asked Mr. +Bradshaw impetuously of Mr. Farquhar. + +"Simply, that I think there can have been no forgetfulness--no +mistake on Mr. Benson's part," said Mr. Farquhar, unwilling to +put his dim suspicion into words. + +"Then, of course, it is some blunder of that confounded Insurance +Company. I will write to them to-day, and make them a little +brisker and more correct in their statements." + +"Don't you think it would be better to wait till Richard's +return? He may be able to explain it." + +"No, sir!" said Mr. Bradshaw sharply. "I do not think it would be +better. It has not been my way of doing business to spare any +one, or any company, the consequences of their own carelessness; +nor to obtain information second-hand, when I could have it +direct from the source. I shall write to the Insurance Office by +the next post." + +Mr. Farquhar saw that any further remonstrance on his part would +only aggravate his partner's obstinacy: and, besides, it was but +a suspicion,--an uncomfortable suspicion. It was possible that +some of the clerks at the Insurance Office might have made a +mistake. Watson was not sure, after all, that the certificates +had been deposited in box A, 24; and when he and Mr. Farquhar +could not find them there, the old man drew more and yet more +back from his first assertion of belief, that they had been +placed there. + +Mr. Bradshaw wrote an angry and indignant reproach of +carelessness to the Insurance Company. By the next mail one of +their clerks came down to Eccleston; and, having leisurely +refreshed himself at the inn, and ordered his dinner with care, +he walked up to the great warehouse of Bradshaw & Co., and sent +in his card, with a pencil notification, "On the part of the Star +Insurance Company," to Mr. Bradshaw himself. + +Mr. Bradshaw held the card in his hand for a minute or two +without raising his eyes. Then he spoke out loud and firm-- + +"Desire the gentleman to walk up. Stay! I will ring my bell in a +minute or two, and then show him upstairs." + +When the errand-boy had closed the door, Mr. Bradshaw went to a +cupboard where he usually kept a glass and a bottle of wine (of +which he very seldom partook, for he was an abstemious man). He +intended now to take a glass, but the bottle was empty; and, +though there was plenty more to be had for ringing, or even +simply going into another room, he would not allow himself to do +this. He stood and lectured himself in thought. + +"After all, I am a fool for once in my life. If the certificates +are in no box which I have yet examined, that does not imply they +may not be in some one which I have not had time to search. +Farquhar would stay so late last night! And, even if they are in +none of the boxes here, that does not prove----" He gave the bell +a jerking ring, and it was yet sounding when Mr. Smith, the +insurance clerk, entered. + +The manager of the Insurance Company had been considerably +nettled at the tone of Mr. Bradshaw's letter; and had instructed +the clerk to assume some dignity at first in vindicating (as it +was well in his power to do) the character of the proceedings of +the Company, but at the same time he was not to go too far, for +the firm of Bradshaw & Co. was daily looming larger in the +commercial world, and if any reasonable explanation could be +given it was to be received, and bygones be bygones. + +"Sit down, sir!" said Mr. Bradshaw. + +"You are aware, sir, I presume, that I come on the part of Mr. +Dennison, the manager of the Star Insurance Company, to reply in +person to a letter of yours, of the 29th, addressed to him?" + +Mr. Bradshaw bowed. "A very careless piece of business," he said +stiffly. "Mr. Dennison does not think you will consider it as +such when you have seen the deed of transfer, which I am +commissioned to show you." + +Mr. Bradshaw took the deed with a steady hand. He wiped his +spectacles quietly, without delay, and without hurry, and +adjusted them on his nose. It is possible that he was rather long +in looking over the document--at least, the clerk had just begun +to wonder if he was reading through the whole of it, instead of +merely looking at the signature, when Mr. Bradshaw said: "It is +possible that it may be----of course, you will allow me to take +this paper to Mr. Benson, to--to inquire if this be his +signature?" + +"There can be no doubt of it, I think, sir," said the clerk, +calmly smiling, for he knew Mr. Benson's signature well. + +"I don't know, sir--I don't know." (He was speaking as if the +pronunciation of every word required a separate effort of will, +like a man who has received a slight paralytic stroke.) + +"You have heard, sir, of such a thing as forgery--forgery, sir?" +said he, repeating the last word very distinctly; for he feared +that the first time he had said it, it was rather slurred over. + +"Oh, sir! there is no room for imagining such a thing, I assure +you. In our affairs we become aware of curious forgetfulness on +the part of those who are not of business habits." + +"Still I should like to show it Mr. Benson, to prove to him his +forgetfulness, you know. I believe, on my soul, it is some of his +careless forgetfulness--I do, sir," said he. Now he spoke very +quickly. "It must have been. Allow me to convince myself. You +shall have it back to-night, or the first thing in the morning." + +The clerk did not quite like to relinquish the deed, nor yet did +he like to refuse Mr. Bradshaw. If that very uncomfortable idea +of forgery should have any foundation in truth--and he had given +up the writing! There were a thousand chances to one against its +being anything but a stupid blunder; the risk was more imminent +of offending one of the directors. + +As he hesitated, Mr. Bradshaw spoke very calmly, and almost with +a smile on his face. He had regained his self-command. "You are +afraid, I see. I assure you, you may trust me. If there has been +any fraud--if I have the slightest suspicion of the truth of the +surmise I threw out just now,"--he could not quite speak the bare +naked word that was chilling his heart--"I will not fail to aid +the ends of justice, even though the culprit should be my own +son." + +He ended, as he began, with a smile--such a smile!--the stiff +lips refused to relax and cover the teeth. But all the time he +kept saying to himself-- + +"I don't believe it--I don't believe it. I'm convinced it's a +blunder of that old fool Benson." + +But when he had dismissed the clerk, and secured the piece of +paper, he went and locked the door, and laid his head on his +desk, and moaned aloud. He had lingered in the office for the two +previous nights; at first, occupying himself in searching for the +certificates of the Insurance shares; but, when all the boxes and +other repositories for papers had been ransacked, the thought +took hold of him that they might be in Richard's private desk; +and, with the determination which overlooks the means to get at +the end, he had first tried all his own keys on the complicated +lock, and then broken it open with two decided blows of a poker, +the instrument nearest at hand. He did not find the certificates. +Richard had always considered himself careful in destroying any +dangerous or tell-tale papers; but the stern father found enough, +in what remained, to convince him that his pattern son--more even +than his pattern son, his beloved pride--was far other than what +he seemed. + +Mr. Bradshaw did not skip or miss a word. He did not shrink while +he read. He folded up letter by letter; he snuffed the candle +when its light began to wane, and no sooner; but he did not miss +or omit one paper--he read every word. Then, leaving the letters +in a heap upon the table, and the broken desk to tell its own +tale, he locked the door of the room which was appropriated to +his son as junior partner, and carried the key away with him. + +There was a faint hope, even after this discovery of many +circumstances of Richard's life, which shocked and dismayed his +father--there was still a faint hope that he might not be guilty +of forgery--that it might not be no forgery after all--only a +blunder--an omission--a stupendous piece of forgetfulness. That +hope was the one straw that Mr. Bradshaw clung to. + +Late that night Mr. Benson sat in his study. Every one else in the +house had gone to bed; but he was expecting a summons to some one +who was dangerously ill. He was not startled, therefore, at the +knock which came to the front door about twelve; but he was +rather surprised at the character of the knock, so slow and loud, +with a pause between each rap. His study-door was but a step from +that which led into the street. He opened it, and there +stood--Mr. Bradshaw; his large, portly figure not to be mistaken +even in the dusky night. + +He said, "That is right. It was you I wanted to see." And he +walked straight into the study. Mr. Benson followed, and shut the +door. Mr. Bradshaw was standing by the table, fumbling in his +pocket. He pulled out the deed; and, opening it, after a pause, +in which you might have counted five, he held it out to Mr. +Benson. + +"Read it!" said he. He spoke not another word until time had +been allowed for its perusal. Then he added-- + +"That is your signature?" The words were an assertion, but the +tone was that of question. + +"No, it is not," said Mr. Benson decidedly. "It is very like my +writing. I could almost say it was mine, but I know it is not." + +"Recollect yourself a little. The date is August the third of +last year, fourteen months ago. You may have forgotten it." The +tone of the voice had a kind of eager entreaty in it, which Mr. +Benson did not notice--he was so startled at the fetch of his own +writing. + +"It is most singularly like mine; but I could not have signed +away these shares--all the property I have--without the slightest +remembrance of it." + +"Stranger things have happened. For the love of Heaven, think if +you did not sign it. It's a deed to transfer for those Insurance +shares, you see. You don't remember it? You did not write this +name--these words?" He looked at Mr. Benson with craving +wistfulness for one particular answer. Mr. Benson was struck at +last by the whole proceeding, and glanced anxiously at Mr. +Bradshaw, whose manner, gait, and voice, were so different from +usual that he might well excite attention. But as soon as the +latter was aware of this momentary inspection, he changed his +tone all at once. + +"Don't imagine, sir, I wish to force any invention upon you as a +remembrance. If you did not write this name, I know who did. Once +more I ask you--does no glimmering recollection of--having needed +money, we'll say--I never wanted you to refuse my subscription to +the chapel, God knows!--of having sold these accursed +shares?--Oh! I see by your face you did not write it; you need +not to speak to me--I know." + +He sank down into a chair near him. His whole figure drooped. In +a moment he was up, and standing straight as an arrow, +confronting Mr. Benson, who could find no clue to this stern +man's agitation. + +"You say you did not write these words?" pointing to the +signature, with an untrembling finger. "I believe you; Richard +Bradshaw did write them." + +"My dear sir--my dear old friend!" exclaimed Mr. Benson, "you are +rushing to a conclusion for which, I am convinced, there is no +foundation; there is no reason to suppose that because----" + +"There is reason, sir. Do not distress yourself--I am perfectly +calm." His stony eyes and immovable face did indeed look rigid. +"What we have now to do is to punish the offence. I have not one +standard for myself and those I love--(and, Mr. Benson, I did +love him)--and another for the rest of the world. If a stranger +had forged my name, I should have known it was my duty to +prosecute him. You must prosecute Richard." + +"I will not," said Mr. Benson. + +"You think, perhaps, that I shall feel it acutely. You are +mistaken. He is no longer as my son to me. I have always resolved +to disown any child of mine who was guilty of sin. I disown +Richard. He is as a stranger to me. I shall feel no more at his +exposure--his punishment----" He could not go on for his voice +was choking. "Of course, you understand that I must feel shame at +our connection; it is that that is troubling me; that is but +consistent with a man who has always prided himself on the +integrity of his name; but as for that boy, who has been brought +up all his life as I have brought up my children, it must be some +innate wickedness! Sir, I can cut him off, though he has been as +my right hand--beloved. Let me be no hindrance to the course of +justice, I beg. He has forged your name--he has defrauded you of +money--of your all, I think you said." + +"Some one has forged my name. I am not convinced that it was your +son. Until I know all the circumstances, I decline to prosecute." + +"What circumstances?" asked Mr. Bradshaw, in an authoritative +manner, which would have shown irritation but for his +self-command. + +"The force of the temptation--the previous habits of the +person----" + +"Of Richard. He is the person," Mr. Bradshaw put in. + +Mr. Benson went on, without taking any notice. "I should think it +right to prosecute, if I found out that this offence against me +was only one of a series committed, with premeditation, against +society. I should then feel, as a protector of others more +helpless than myself----" + +"It was your all," said Mr. Bradshaw. + +"It was all my money; it was not my all," replied Mr. Benson; and +then he went on as if the interruption had never been--"Against +an habitual offender. I shall not prosecute Richard. Not because +he is your son--do not imagine that! I should decline taking such +a step against any young man without first ascertaining the +particulars about him, which I know already about Richard, and +which determine me against doing what would blast his character +for life--would destroy every good quality he has." + +"What good quality remains to him?" asked Mr. Bradshaw. "He has +deceived me--he has offended God." + +"Have we not all offended Him?" Mr. Benson said in a low tone. + +"Not consciously. I never do wrong consciously. But +Richard--Richard." The remembrance of the undeceiving letters--the +forgery--filled up his heart so completely that he could not speak +for a minute or two. Yet when he saw Mr. Benson on the point of +saying something, he broke in-- + +"It is no use talking, sir. You and I cannot agree on these +subjects. Once more, I desire you to prosecute that boy, who is +no longer a child of mine." + +"Mr. Bradshaw, I shall not prosecute him. I have said it once for +all. To-morrow you will be glad that I do not listen to you. I +should only do harm by saying more at present." + +There is always something aggravating in being told, that the +mood in which we are now viewing things strongly will not be our +mood at some other time. It implies that our present feelings are +blinding us, and that some more clear-sighted spectator is able +to distinguish our future better than we do ourselves. The most +shallow person dislikes to be told that any one can gauge his +depth. Mr. Bradshaw was not soothed by this last remark of Mr. +Benson's. He stooped down to take up his hat and be gone. Mr. +Benson saw his dizzy way of groping, and gave him what he sought +for; but he received no word of thanks. Mr. Bradshaw went +silently towards the door, but, just as he got there, he turned +round, and said-- + +"If there were more people like me, and fewer like you, there +would be less evil in the world, sir. It's your sentimentalists +that nurse up sin." Although Mr. Benson had been very calm during +this interview, he had been much shocked by what had been let out +respecting Richard's forgery; not by the fact itself so much as +by what it was a sign of. Still, he had known the young man from +childhood, and had seen, and often regretted, that his want of +moral courage had rendered him peculiarly liable to all the bad +effects arising from his father's severe and arbitrary mode of +treatment. Dick would never have had "pluck" enough to be a +hardened villain, under any circumstances: but, unless some good +influence, some strength, was brought to bear upon him, he might +easily sink into the sneaking scoundrel. Mr. Benson determined to +go to Mr. Farquhar's the first thing in the morning, and consult +him as a calm, clear-headed family friend--partner in the +business, as well as son- and brother-in-law to the people +concerned. + + +CHAPTER XXXI + + +AN ACCIDENT TO THE DOVER COACH + +While Mr. Benson lay awake for fear of oversleeping himself, and +so being late at Mr. Farquhar's (it was somewhere about six +o'clock--dark as an October morning is at that time), Sally came +to his door and knocked. She was always an early riser; and if +she had not been gone to bed long before Mr. Bradshaw's visit +last night, Mr. Benson might safely have trusted to her calling +him. + +"Here's a woman down below as must see you directly. She'll be +upstairs after me if you're not down quick." + +"Is it any one from Clarke's?" + +"No, no! not it, master," said she through the keyhole; "I reckon +it's Mrs. Bradshaw, for all she's muffled up." + +He needed no other word. When he went down, Mrs. Bradshaw sat in +his easy-chair, swaying her body to and fro, and crying without +restraint. Mr. Benson came up to her, before she was aware that +he was there. + +"Oh! sir," said she, getting up and taking hold of both his +hands, "you won't be so cruel, will you? I have got some money +somewhere--some money my father settled on me, sir; I don't know +how much, but I think it's more than two thousand pounds, and you +shall have it all. If I can't give it you now, I'll make a will, +sir. Only be merciful to poor Dick--don't go and prosecute him, +sir." + +"My dear Mrs. Bradshaw, don't you agitate yourself in this way. I +never meant to prosecute him." + +"But Mr. Bradshaw says that you must." + +"I shall not, indeed. I have told Mr. Bradshaw so." + +"Has he been here? Oh! is not he cruel? I don't care. I have been +a good wife till now. I know I have. I have done all he bid me, +ever since we were married. But now I will speak my mind, and say +to everybody how cruel he is--how hard to his own flesh and +blood! If he puts poor Dick in prison, I will go too. If I'm to +choose between my husband and my son, I choose my son; for he +will have no friends, unless I am with him." + +"Mr. Bradshaw will think better of it. You will see that, when +his first anger and disappointment are over, he will not be hard +or cruel." + +"You don't know Mr. Bradshaw," said she mournfully, "if you think +he'll change. I might beg and beg--I have done many a time, when +we had little children, and I wanted to save them a whipping--but +no begging ever did any good. At last I left it off. He'll not +change." + +"Perhaps not for human entreaty. Mrs. Bradshaw, is there nothing +more powerful?" + +The tone of his voice suggested what he did not say. + +"If you mean that God may soften his heart," replied she humbly, +"I'm not going to deny God's power--I have need to think of Him," +she continued, bursting into fresh tears, "for I am a very +miserable woman. Only think! he cast it up against me last night, +and said, if I had not spoilt Dick this never would have +happened." + +"He hardly knew what he was saying last night. I will go to Mr. +Farquhar's directly, and see him; and you had better go home, my +dear Mrs. Bradshaw; you may rely upon our doing all that we can." + +With some difficulty he persuaded her not to accompany him to Mr. +Farquhar's; but he had, indeed, to take her to her own door, +before he could convince her that, at present, she could do +nothing but wait the result of the consultations of others. + +It was before breakfast, and Mr. Farquhar was alone; so Mr. +Benson had a quiet opportunity of telling the whole story to the +husband before the wife came down. Mr. Farquhar was not much +surprised, though greatly distressed. The general opinion he had +always entertained of Richard's character had predisposed him to +fear, even before the inquiry respecting the Insurance shares. +But it was still a shock when it came, however much it might have +been anticipated. + +"What can we do?" said Mr. Benson, as Mr. Farquhar sat gloomily +silent. + +"That is just what I was asking myself. I think I must see Mr. +Bradshaw, and try and bring him a little out of this unmerciful +frame of mind. That must be the first thing. Will you object to +accompany me at once? It seems of particular consequence that we +should subdue its obduracy before the affair gets wind." + +"I will go with you willingly. But I believe I rather serve to +irritate Mr. Bradshaw; he is reminded of things he has said to me +formerly, and which he thinks he is bound to act up to. However, +I can walk with you to the door, and wait for you (if you'll +allow me) in the street. I want to know how he is to-day, both +bodily and mentally; for indeed, Mr. Farquhar, I should not have +been surprised last night if he had dropped down dead, so +terrible was his strain upon himself." + +Mr. Benson was left at the door as he had desired, while Mr. +Farquhar went in. + +"Oh, Mr. Farquhar, what is the matter?" exclaimed the girls, +running to him. + +"Mamma sits crying in the old nursery. We believe she has been +there all night. She will not tell us what it is, nor let us be +with her; and papa is locked up in his room, and won't even +answer us when we speak, though we know he is up and awake, for +we heard him tramping about all night." + +"Let me go up to him," said Mr. Farquhar. + +"He won't let you in. It will be of no use." But in spite of what +they said, he went up; and to their surprise, after hearing who +it was, their father opened the door, and admitted their +brother-in-law. He remained with Mr. Bradshaw about half-an-hour, +and then came into the dining-room, where the two girls stood +huddled over the fire, regardless of the untasted breakfast +behind them; and, writing a few lines, he desired them to take +his note up to their mother, saying that it would comfort her a +little, and that he should send Jemima, in two or three hours, +with the baby--perhaps to remain some days with them. He had no +time to tell them more; Jemima would. + +He left them, and rejoined Mr. Benson. "Come home and breakfast +with me. I am off to London in an hour or two, and must speak +with you first." + +On reaching his house, he ran upstairs to ask Jemima to breakfast +alone in her dressing-room, and returned in five minutes or less. + +"Now I can tell you about it," said he. "I see my way clearly to +a certain point. We must prevent Dick and his father meeting just +now, or all hope of Dick's reformation is gone for ever. His +father is as hard as the nether millstone. He has forbidden me +his house." + +"Forbidden you!" + +"Yes; because I would not give up Dick as utterly lost and bad; +and because I said I should return to London with the clerk, and +fairly tell Dennison (he's a Scotchman, and a man of sense and +feeling) the real state of the case. By the way, we must not say +a word to the clerk; otherwise he will expect an answer, and make +out all sorts of inferences for himself, from the unsatisfactory +reply he must have. Dennison will be upon honour--will see every +side of the case--will know you refuse to prosecute; the Company +of which he is manager are no losers. Well! when I said what I +thought wise, of all this--when I spoke as if my course were a +settled and decided thing, the grim old man asked me if he was to +be an automaton in his own house. He assured me he had no feeling +for Dick--all the time he was shaking like an aspen; in short, +repeating much the same things he must have said to you last +night. However, I defied him, and the consequence is, I'm +forbidden the house, and, what is more, he says he will not come +to the office while I remain a partner." + +"What shall you do?" + +"Send Jemima and the baby. There's nothing like a young child for +bringing people round to a healthy state of feeling; and you +don't know what Jemima is, Mr. Benson! No! though you've known +her from her birth. If she can't comfort her mother, and if the +baby can't steal into her grandfather's heart, why--I don't know +what you may do to me. I shall tell Jemima all, and trust to her +wit and wisdom to work at this end, while I do my best at the +other." + +"Richard is abroad, is not he?" + +"He will be in England to-morrow. I must catch him somewhere; but +that I can easily do. The difficult point will be, what to do +with him--what to say to him, when I find him. He must give up +his partnership, that's clear. I did not tell his father so, but +I am resolved upon it. There shall be no tampering with the +honour of the firm to which I belong." + +"But what will become of him?" asked Mr. Benson anxiously. + +"I do not yet know. But, for Jemima's sake--for his dour old +father's sake--I will not leave him adrift. I will find him some +occupation as clear from temptation as I can. I will do all in my +power. And he will do much better, if he has any good in him, as +a freer agent, not cowed by his father into a want of +individuality and self-respect. I believe I must dismiss you, Mr. +Benson," said he, looking at his watch; "I have to explain all to +my wife, and to go to that clerk. You shall hear from me in a day +or two." + +Mr. Benson half envied the younger man's elasticity of mind, and +power of acting promptly. He himself felt as if he wanted to sit +down in his quiet study, and think over the revelations and +events of the last twenty-four hours. It made him dizzy even to +follow Mr. Farquhar's plans, as he had briefly detailed them; and +some solitude and consideration would be required before Mr. +Benson could decide upon their justice and wisdom. He had been +much shocked by the discovery of the overt act of guilt which +Richard had perpetrated, low as his opinion of that young man had +been for some time; and the consequence was, that he felt +depressed, and unable to rally for the next few days. He had not +even the comfort of his sister's sympathy, as he felt bound in +honour not to tell her anything; and she was luckily so much +absorbed in some household contest with Sally that she did not +notice her brother's quiet languor. + +Mr. Benson felt that he had no right at this time to intrude into +the house which he had been once tacitly forbidden. If he went +now to Mr. Bradshaw's without being asked, or sent for, he +thought it would seem like presuming on his knowledge of the +hidden disgrace of one of the family. Yet he longed to go: he +knew that Mr. Farquhar must be writing almost daily to Jemima, +and he wanted to hear what he was doing. The fourth day after her +husband's departure she came, within half-an-hour after the post +delivery, and asked to speak to Mr. Benson alone. + +She was in a state of great agitation, and had evidently been +crying very much. + +"Oh, Mr. Benson!" said she, "will you come with me, and tell papa +this sad news about Dick? Walter has written me a letter at last, +to say he has found him--he could not at first; but now it seems +that, the day before yesterday, he heard of an accident which had +happened to the Dover coach; it was overturned--two passengers +killed, and several badly hurt. Walter says we ought to be +thankful, as he is, that Dick was not killed. He says it was such +a relief to him on going to the place--the little inn nearest to +where the coach was overturned--to find that Dick was only +severely injured; not one of those who was killed. But it is a +terrible shock to us all. We had had no more dreadful fear to +lessen the shock; mamma is quite unfit for anything, and we none +of us dare to tell papa." Jemima had hard work to keep down her +sobs thus far, and now they overmastered her. + +"How is your father? I have wanted to hear every day," asked Mr. +Benson tenderly. + +"It was careless of me not to come and tell you; but, indeed, I +have had so much to do. Mamma would not go near him. He has said +something which she seems as if she could not forgive. Because he +came to meals, she would not. She has almost lived in the +nursery; taking out all Dick's old playthings, and what clothes +of his were left, and turning them over, and crying over them." + +"Then Mr. Bradshaw has joined you again; I was afraid, from what +Mr. Farquhar said, he was going to isolate himself from you all?" + +"I wish he had," said Jemima, crying afresh. "It would have been +more natural than the way he has gone on; the only difference +from his usual habit is, that he has never gone near the office, +or else he has come to meals just as usual, and talked just as +usual; and even done what I never knew him do before, tried to +make jokes--all in order to show us how little he cares." + +"Does he not go out at all?" + +"Only in the garden. I am sure he does care after all; he must +care; he cannot shake off a child in this way, though he thinks +he can; and that makes me so afraid of telling him of this +accident. Will you come, Mr. Benson?" + +He needed no other word. He went with her, as she rapidly +threaded her way through the by-streets. When they reached the +house, she went in without knocking, and, putting her husband's +letter into Mr. Benson's hand, she opened the door of her +father's room, and saying--"Papa, here is Mr. Benson," left them +alone. + +Mr. Benson felt nervously incapable of knowing what to do, or to +say. He had surprised Mr. Bradshaw sitting idly over the +fire--gazing dreamily into the embers. But he had started up, and +drawn his chair to the table, on seeing his visitor; and, after +the first necessary words of politeness were over, he seemed to +expect him to open the conversation. + +"Mrs. Farquhar has asked me," said Mr. Benson, plunging into the +subject with a trembling heart, "to tell you about a letter she +has received from her husband;" he stopped for an instant, for he +felt that he did not get nearer the real difficulty, and yet +could not tell the best way of approaching it. + +"She need not have given you that trouble. I am aware of the +reason of Mr. Farquhar's absence. I entirely disapprove of his +conduct. He is regardless of my wishes; and disobedient to the +commands which, as my son-in-law, I thought he would have felt +bound to respect. If there is any more agreeable subject that you +can introduce, I shall be glad to hear you, sir." + +"Neither you, nor I, must think of what we like to hear or to +say. You must hear what concerns your son." + +"I have disowned the young man who was my son," replied he +coldly. + +"The Dover coach has been overturned," said Mr. Benson, +stimulated into abruptness by the icy sternness of the father. +But, in a flash, he saw what lay below that terrible assumption +of indifference. Mr. Bradshaw glanced up in his face one look of +agony--and then went grey-pale; so livid that Mr. Benson got up +to ring the bell in affright, but Mr. Bradshaw motioned to him to +sit still. + +"Oh! I have been too sudden, sir--he is alive, he is alive!" he +exclaimed, as he saw the ashy face working in a vain attempt to +speak; but the poor lips (so wooden, not a minute ago) went +working on and on, as if Mr. Benson's words did not sink down +into the mind, or reach the understanding. Mr. Benson went +hastily for Mrs. Farquhar. + +"Oh, Jemima!" said he, "I have done it so badly--I have been so +cruel--he is very ill, I fear--bring water, brandy----" and he +returned with all speed into the room. Mr. Bradshaw--the great, +strong, iron man--lay back in his chair in a swoon, a fit. + +"Fetch my mother, Mary. Send for the doctor, Elizabeth," said +Jemima, rushing to her father. She and Mr. Benson did all in +their power to restore him. Mrs. Bradshaw forgot all her vows of +estrangement from the dead-like husband, who might never speak to +her, or hear her again, and bitterly accused herself for every +angry word she had spoken against him during these last few +miserable days. + +Before the doctor came, Mr. Bradshaw had opened his eyes and +partially rallied, although he either did not, or could not +speak. He looked struck down into old age. His eyes were +senseless in their expression, but had the dim glaze of many +years of life upon them. His lower jaw fell from his upper one, +giving a look of melancholy depression to the face, although the +lips hid the unclosed teeth. But he answered correctly (in +monosyllables, it is true) all the questions which the doctor +chose to ask. And the medical man was not so much impressed with +the serious character of the seizure as the family, who knew all +the hidden mystery behind, and had seen their father lie for the +first time with the precursor aspect of death upon his face. +Rest, watching, and a little medicine, were what the doctor +prescribed; it was so slight a prescription, for what had appeared +to Mr. Benson so serious an attack, that he wished to follow the +medical man out of the room to make further inquiries, and learn +the real opinion which he thought must lurk behind. But, as he +was following the doctor, he--they all--were aware of the effort +Mr. Bradshaw was making to rise, in order to arrest Mr. Benson's +departure. He did stand up, supporting himself with one hand on +the table, for his legs shook under him. Mr. Benson came back +instantly to the spot where he was. For a moment it seemed as if +he had not the right command of his voice: but at last he said, +with a tone of humble, wistful entreaty, which was very +touching-- + +"He is alive, sir; is he not?" + +"Yes, sir--indeed he is; he is only hurt. He is sure to do well. +Mr. Farquhar is with him," said Mr. Benson, almost unable to +speak for tears. + +Mr. Bradshaw did not remove his eyes from Mr. Benson's face for +more than a minute after his question had been answered. He +seemed as though he would read his very soul, and there see if he +spoke the truth. Satisfied at last, he sank slowly into his +chair; and they were silent for a little space, waiting to +perceive if he would wish for any further information just then. +At length he put his hands slowly together in the clasped +attitude of prayer, and said--"Thank God!" + + +CHAPTER XXXII + + +THE BRADSHAW PEW AGAIN OCCUPIED + +If Jemima allowed herself now and then to imagine that one good +would result from the discovery of Richard's delinquency, in the +return of her father and Mr. Benson to something of their old +understanding and their old intercourse--if this hope fluttered +through her mind, it was doomed to disappointment. Mr. Benson +would have been most happy to go, if Mr. Bradshaw had sent for +him; he was on the watch for what might be even the shadow of such +an invitation--but none came. Mr. Bradshaw, on his part, would +have been thoroughly glad if the wilful seclusion of his present +life could have been broken by the occasional visits of the old +friend whom he had once forbidden the house; but, this +prohibition having passed his lips, he stubbornly refused to do +anything which might be construed into unsaying it. Jemima was +for some time in despair of his ever returning to the office, or +resuming his old habits of business. He had evidently threatened +as much to her husband. All that Jemima could do was to turn a +deaf ear to every allusion to this menace, which he threw out +from time to time, evidently with a view to see if it had struck +deep enough into her husband's mind for him to have repeated it +to his wife. If Mr. Farquhar had named it--if it was known only +to two or three to have been, but for one half-hour even, his +resolution--Mr. Bradshaw could have adhered to it, without any +other reason than the maintenance of what he called consistency, +but which was in fact doggedness. Jemima was often thankful that +her mother was absent, and gone to nurse her son. If she had been +at home, she would have entreated and implored her husband to +fall back into his usual habits, and would have shown such a +dread of his being as good as his word, that he would have been +compelled to adhere to it by the very consequence affixed to it. +Mr. Farquhar had hard work, as it was, in passing rapidly enough +between the two places--attending to his business at Eccleston; +and deciding, comforting, and earnestly talking, in Richard's +sick-room. During an absence of his, it was necessary to apply to +one of the partners on some matter of importance; and +accordingly, to Jemima's secret joy, Mr. Watson came up and asked +if her father was well enough to see him on business? Jemima +carried in this inquiry literally; and the hesitating answer +which her father gave was in the affirmative. It was not long +before she saw him leave the house, accompanied by the faithful +old clerk; and when he met her at dinner he made no allusion to +his morning visitor, or to his subsequent going out. But from +that time forwards he went regularly to the office. He received +all the information about Dick's accident, and his progress +towards recovery, in perfect silence, and in as indifferent a +manner as he could assume; but yet he lingered about the family +sitting-room every morning until the post had come in which +brought all letters from the south. + +When Mr. Farquhar at last returned to bring the news of Dick's +perfect convalescence, he resolved to tell Mr. Bradshaw all that +he had done and arranged for his son's future career; but, as Mr. +Farquhar told Mr. Benson afterwards, he could not really say if +Mr. Bradshaw had attended to one word that he said. + +"Rely upon it," said Mr. Benson, "he has not only attended to it, +but treasured up every expression you have used." + +"Well, I tried to get some opinion, or sign of emotion, out of +him. I had not much hope of the latter, I must own; but I thought +he would have said whether I had done wisely or not in procuring +that Glasgow situation for Dick--that he would, perhaps, have +been indignant at my ousting him from the partnership so entirely +on my own responsibility." + +"How did Richard take it?" + +"Oh, nothing could exceed his penitence. If one had never heard +of the proverb, 'When the devil was sick, the devil a monk would +be,' I should have had greater faith in him; or if he had had +more strength of character to begin with, or more reality and +less outward appearance of good principle instilled into him. +However, this Glasgow situation is the very thing; clear, defined +duties, no great trust reposed in him, a kind and watchful head, +and introductions to a better class of associates than I fancy he +has ever been thrown amongst before. For, you know, Mr. Bradshaw +dreaded all intimacies for his son, and wanted him to eschew all +society beyond his own family--would never allow him to ask a +friend home. Really, when I think of the unnatural life Mr. +Bradshaw expected him to lead, I get into charity with him, and +have hopes. By the way, have you ever succeeded in persuading his +mother to send Leonard to school? He may run the same risk from +isolation as Dick: not be able to choose his companions wisely +when he grows up, but be too much overcome by the excitement of +society to be very discreet as to who are his associates. Have +you spoken to her about my plan?" + +"Yes! but to no purpose. I cannot say that she would even admit +an argument on the subject. She seemed to have an invincible +repugnance to the idea of exposing him to the remarks of other +boys on his peculiar position." + +"They need never know of it. Besides, sooner or later, he must +step out of his narrow circle, and encounter remark and scorn." + +"True," said Mr. Benson mournfully. "And you may depend upon it, +if it really is the best for Leonard, she will come round to it +by-and-by. It is almost extraordinary to see the way in which her +earnest and most unselfish devotion to this boy's real welfare +leads her to right and wise conclusions." + +"I wish I could tame her so as to let me meet her as a friend. +Since the baby was born, she comes to see Jemima. My wife tells +me, that she sits and holds it soft in her arms, and talks to it +as if her whole soul went out to the little infant. But if she +hears a strange footstep on the stair, what Jemima calls the +'wild-animal look' comes back into her eyes, and she steals away +like some frightened creature. With all that she has done to +redeem her character, she should not be so timid of observation. + +"You may well say 'with all that she has done!' We of her own +household hear little or nothing of what she does. If she wants +help, she simply tells us how and why; but if not--perhaps +because it is some relief to her to forget for a time the scenes +of suffering in which she has been acting the part of comforter, +and perhaps because there always was a shy, sweet reticence about +her--we never should know what she is and what she does, except +from the poor people themselves, who would bless her in words if +the very thought of her did not choke them with tears. Yet, I do +assure you, she passes out of all this gloom, and makes sunlight +in our house. We are never so cheerful as when she is at home. +She always had the art of diffusing peace, but now it is positive +cheerfulness. And about Leonard; I doubt if the wisest and most +thoughtful schoolmaster could teach half as much directly, as his +mother does unconsciously and indirectly every hour that he is +with her. Her noble, humble, pious endurance of the consequences +of what was wrong in her early life seems expressly fitted to act +upon him, whose position is (unjustly, for he has done no harm) +so similar to hers." + +"Well! I suppose we must leave it alone for the present. You will +think me a hard practical man when I own to you, that all I +expect from Leonard's remaining a home-bird is that, with such a +mother, it will do him no harm. At any rate, remember my offer is +the same for a year--two years hence, as now. What does she look +forward to making him into, finally?" + +"I don't know. The wonder comes into my mind sometimes; but never +into hers, I think. It is part of her character--part perhaps of +that which made her what she was--that she never looks forward, +and seldom back. The present is enough for her." + +And so the conversation ended. When Mr. Benson repeated the +substance of it to his sister, she mused awhile, breaking out +into an occasional whistle (although she had cured herself of +this habit in a great measure), and at last she said-- + +"Now, do you know, I never liked poor Dick; and yet I'm angry +with Mr. Farquhar for getting him out of the partnership in such +a summary way. I can't get over it, even though he has offered to +send Leonard to school. And here he's reigning lord-paramount at +the office! As if you, Thurstan, weren't as well able to teach +him as any schoolmaster in England! But I should not mind that +affront, if I were not sorry to think of Dick (though I never +could abide him) labouring away in Glasgow for a petty salary of +nobody knows how little, while Mr. Farquhar is taking halves, +instead of thirds, of the profits here!" + +But her brother could not tell her--and even Jemima did not know +till long afterwards--that the portion of income which would have +been Dick's as a junior partner, if he had remained in the +business, was carefully laid aside for him by Mr. Farquhar; to be +delivered up, with all its accumulative interest, when the +prodigal should have proved his penitence by his conduct. + +When Ruth had no call upon her time, it was indeed a holiday at +Chapel-house. She threw off as much as she could of the care and +sadness in which she had been sharing; and returned fresh and +helpful, ready to go about in her soft, quiet way, and fill up +every measure of service, and heap it with the fragrance of her +own sweet nature. The delicate mending, that the elder women +could no longer see to do, was put by for Ruth's swift and nimble +fingers. The occasional copying, or patient writing to dictation, +that gave rest to Mr. Benson's weary spine, was done by her with +sunny alacrity. But, most of all, Leonard's heart rejoiced when +his mother came home. Then came the quiet confidences, the tender +exchange of love, the happy walks from which he returned stronger +and stronger--going from strength to strength as his mother led +the way. It was well, as they saw now, that the great shock of +the disclosure had taken place when it did. She, for her part, +wondered at her own cowardliness in having even striven to keep +back the truth from her child--the truth that was so certain to +be made clear, sooner or later, and which it was only owing to +God's mercy that she was alive to encounter with him, and, by so +encountering, shield and give him good courage. Moreover, in her +secret heart, she was thankful that all occurred while he was yet +too young to have much curiosity as to his father. If an +unsatisfied feeling of this kind occasionally stole into his +mind, at any rate she never heard any expression of it; for the +past was a sealed book between them. And so, in the bright +strength of good endeavour, the days went on, and grew again to +months and years. Perhaps one little circumstance which occurred +during this time had scarcely external importance enough to be +called an event; but in Mr. Benson's mind it took rank as such. +One day, about a year after Richard Bradshaw had ceased to be a +partner in his father's house, Mr. Benson encountered Mr. +Farquhar in the street, and heard from him of the creditable and +respectable manner in which Richard was conducting himself in +Glasgow, where Mr. Farquhar had lately been on business. + +"I am determined to tell his father of this," said he; "I think +his family are far too obedient to his tacit prohibition of all +mention of Richard's name." + +"Tacit prohibition?" inquired Mr. Benson. + +"Oh! I dare say I use the words in a wrong sense for the +correctness of a scholar; but what I mean is, that he made a +point of immediately leaving the room if Richard's name was +mentioned; and did it in so marked a manner, that by degrees they +understood that it was their father's desire that he should never +be alluded to; which was all very well as long as there was +nothing pleasant to be said about him; but to-night I am going +there, and shall take good care he does not escape me before I +have told him all I have heard and observed about Richard. He +will never be a hero of virtue, for his education has drained him +of all moral courage; but with care, and the absence of all +strong temptation for a time, he will do very well; nothing to +gratify paternal pride, but certainly nothing to be ashamed of." + +It was on the Sunday after this that the little circumstance to +which I have alluded took place. + +During the afternoon service, Mr. Benson became aware that the +large Bradshaw pew was no longer unoccupied. In a dark corner Mr. +Bradshaw's white head was to be seen, bowed down low in prayer. +When last he had worshipped there, the hair on that head was +iron-grey, and even in prayer he had stood erect, with an air of +conscious righteousness sufficient for all his wants, and even +some to spare with which to judge others. Now, that white and +hoary head was never uplifted; part of his unobtrusiveness might, +it is true, be attributed to the uncomfortable feeling which was +sure to attend any open withdrawal of the declaration he had once +made, never to enter the chapel in which Mr. Benson was minister +again; and as such a feeling was natural to all men, and +especially to such a one as Mr. Bradshaw, Mr. Benson +instinctively respected it, and passed out of the chapel with his +household, without ever directing his regards to the obscure +place where Mr. Bradshaw still remained immovable. + +From this day Mr. Benson felt sure that the old friendly feeling +existed once more between them, although some time might elapse +before any circumstance gave the signal for a renewal of their +intercourse. + + +CHAPTER XXXIII + + +A MOTHER TO BE PROUD OF + +Old people tell of certain years when typhus fever swept over the +country like a pestilence; years that bring back the remembrance +of deep sorrow--refusing to be comforted--to many a household; +and which those whose beloved passed through the fiery time +unscathed, shrink from recalling for great and tremulous was the +anxiety--miserable the constant watching for evil symptoms; and +beyond the threshold of home a dense cloud of depression hung +over society at large. It seemed as if the alarm was +proportionate to the previous light-heartedness of fancied +security--and indeed it was so; for, since the days of King +Belshazzar, the solemn decrees of Doom have ever seemed most +terrible when they awe into silence the merry revellers of life. +So it was this year to which I come in the progress of my story. + +The summer had been unusually gorgeous. Some had complained of +the steaming heat, but others had pointed to the lush vegetation, +which was profuse and luxuriant. The early autumn was wet and +cold, but people did not regard it, in contemplation of some proud +rejoicing of the nation, which filled every newspaper and gave +food to every tongue. In Eccleston these rejoicings were greater +than in most places; for, by the national triumph of arms, it was +supposed that a new market for the staple manufacture of the +place would be opened; and so the trade, which had for a year or +two been languishing, would now revive with redoubled vigour. +Besides these legitimate causes of good spirits, there was the +rank excitement of a coming election, in consequence of Mr. Donne +having accepted a Government office, procured for him by one of +his influential relations. This time, the Cranworths roused +themselves from their magnificent torpor of security in good +season, and were going through a series of pompous and ponderous +hospitalities, in order to bring back the Eccleston voters to +their allegiance. + +While the town was full of these subjects by turns--now thinking +and speaking of the great revival of trade--now of the chances of +the election, as yet some weeks distant--now of the balls at +Cranworth Court, in which Mr. Cranworth had danced with all the +belles of the shopocracy of Eccleston--there came creeping, +creeping, in hidden, slimy courses, the terrible fever--that +fever which is never utterly banished from the sad haunts of vice +and misery, but lives in such darkness, like a wild beast in the +recesses of his den. It had begun in the low Irish +lodging-houses; but there it was so common it excited little +attention. The poor creatures died almost without the attendance +of the unwarned medical men, who received their first notice of +the spreading plague from the Roman Catholic priests. + +Before the medical men of Eccleston had had time to meet together +and consult, and compare the knowledge of the fever which they +had severally gained, it had, like the blaze of a fire which had +long smouldered, burst forth in many places at once--not merely +among the loose-living and vicious, but among the decently +poor--nay, even among the well-to-do and respectable. And, to add +to the horror, like all similar pestilences, its course was most +rapid at first, and was fatal in the great majority of +cases--hopeless from the beginning. There was a cry, and then a +deep silence, and then rose the long wail of the survivors. + +A portion of the Infirmary of the town was added to that already +set apart for a fever-ward; the smitten were carried thither at +once, whenever it was possible, in order to prevent the spread of +infection; and on that lazar-house was concentrated all the +medical skill and force of the place. + +But when one of the physicians had died, in consequence of his +attendance--when the customary staff of matrons and nurses had +been swept off in two days--and the nurses belonging to the +Infirmary had shrunk from being drafted into the pestilential +fever-ward--when high wages had failed to tempt any to what, in +their panic, they considered as certain death--when the doctors +stood aghast at the swift mortality among the untended sufferers, +who were dependent only on the care of the most ignorant +hirelings, too brutal to recognize the solemnity of Death (all +this had happened within a week from the first acknowledgment of +the presence of the plague)--Ruth came one day, with a quieter +step than usual, into Mr. Benson's study, and told him she wanted +to speak to him for a few minutes. + +"To be sure, my dear! Sit down:" said he; for she was standing +and leaning her head against the chimney-piece, idly gazing into +the fire. She went on standing there, as if she had not heard his +words; and it was a few moments before she began to speak. Then +she said-- + +"I want to tell you, that I have been this morning and offered +myself as matron to the fever-ward while it is so full. They have +accepted me; and I am going this evening." + +"Oh, Ruth! I feared this; I saw your look this morning as we +spoke of this terrible illness." + +"Why do you say 'fear', Mr. Benson? You yourself have been with +John Harrison, and old Betty, and many others, I dare say, of +whom we have not heard." + +"But this is so different! in such poisoned air! among such +malignant cases! Have you thought and weighed it enough, Ruth?" + +She was quite still for a moment, but her eyes grew full of +tears. At last she said, very softly, with a kind of still +solemnity-- + +"Yes! I have thought, and I have weighed. But through the very +midst of all my fears and thoughts I have felt that I must go." + +The remembrance of Leonard was present in both their minds; but +for a few moments longer they neither of them spoke. Then Ruth +said-- + +"I believe I have no fear. That is a great preservative, they +say. At any rate, if I have a little natural shrinking, it is +quite gone when I remember that I am in God's hands! Oh, Mr. +Benson," continued she, breaking out into the irrepressible +tears--"Leonard, Leonard!" + +And now it was his turn to speak out the brave words of faith. + +"Poor, poor mother!" said he. "But be of good heart. He, too, is +in God's hands. Think what a flash of time only will separate you +from him, if you should die in this work!" + +"But he--but he--it will belong to him, Mr. Benson! He will be +alone!" + +"No, Ruth, he will not. God and all good men will watch over him. +But if you cannot still this agony of fear as to what will become +of him, you ought not to go. Such tremulous passion will +predispose you to take the fever." + +"I will not be afraid," she replied, lifting up her face, over +which a bright light shone, as of God's radiance. "I am not +afraid for myself. I will not be so for my darling." + +After a little pause, they began to arrange the manner of her +going, and to speak about the length of time that she might be +absent on her temporary duties. In talking of her return, they +assumed it to be certain, although the exact time when was to +them unknown, and would be dependent entirely on the duration of +the fever; but not the less, in their secret hearts, did they +feel where alone the issue lay. Ruth was to communicate with +Leonard and Miss Faith through Mr. Benson alone, who insisted on +his determination to go every evening to the hospital to learn +the proceedings of the day, and the state of Ruth's health. + +"It is not alone on your account, my dear! There may be many sick +people of whom, if I can give no other comfort, I can take +intelligence to their friends." + +All was settled with grave composure; yet still Ruth lingered, as +if nerving herself up for some effort. At length she said, with a +faint smile upon her pale face-- + +"I believe I am a great coward. I stand here talking because I +dread to tell Leonard." + +"You must not think of it," exclaimed he. "Leave it to me. It is +sure to unnerve you." + +"I must think of it. I shall have self-control enough in a minute +to do it calmly--to speak hopefully. For only think," continued +she, smiling through the tears that would gather in her eyes, +"what a comfort the remembrance of the last few words may be to +the poor fellow, if----" The words were choked, but she smiled +bravely on. "No!" said she, "that must be done; but perhaps you +will spare me one thing--will you tell Aunt Faith? I suppose I am +very weak, but, knowing that I must go, and not knowing what may +be the end, I feel as if I could not bear to resist her +entreaties just at last. Will you tell her, sir, while I go to +Leonard?" + +Silently he consented, and the two rose up and came forth, calm +and serene. And calmly and gently did Ruth tell her boy of her +purpose; not daring even to use any unaccustomed tenderness of +voice or gesture, lest, by so doing, she should alarm him +unnecessarily as to the result. She spoke hopefully, and bade him +be of good courage; and he caught her bravery, though his, poor +boy, had root rather in his ignorance of the actual imminent +danger than in her deep faith. When he had gone down, Ruth began +to arrange her dress. When she came downstairs she went into the +old familiar garden and gathered a nosegay of the last lingering +autumn flowers--a few roses and the like. + +Mr. Benson had tutored his sister well; and, although Miss +Faith's face was swollen with crying, she spoke with almost +exaggerated cheerfulness to Ruth. Indeed, as they all stood at +the front door, making-believe to have careless nothings to say, +just as at an ordinary leave-taking, you would not have guessed +the strained chords of feeling there were in each heart. They +lingered on, the last rays of the setting sun falling on the +group. Ruth once or twice had roused herself to the pitch of +saying "Good-bye," but when her eye fell on Leonard she was +forced to hide the quivering of her lips, and conceal her +trembling mouth amid the bunch of roses. + +"They won't let you have your flowers, I'm afraid," said Miss +Benson. "Doctors so often object to the smell." + +"No; perhaps not," said Ruth hurriedly. "I did not think of it. I +will only keep this one rose. Here, Leonard darling!" She gave +the rest to him. It was her farewell; for having now no veil to +hide her emotion, she summoned all her bravery for one parting +smile, and, smiling, turned away. But she gave one look back from +the street, just from the last point at which the door could be +seen, and, catching a glimpse of Leonard standing foremost on the +step, she ran back, and he met her half-way, and mother and child +spoke never a word in that close embrace. + +"Now, Leonard," said Miss Faith, "be a brave boy. I feel sure she +will come back to us before very long." + +But she was very near crying herself; and she would have given +way, I believe, if she had not found the wholesome outlet of +scolding Sally, for expressing just the same opinion respecting +Ruth's proceedings as she herself had done not two hours before. +Taking what her brother had said to her as a text, she delivered +such a lecture to Sally on want of faith that she was astonished +at herself, and so much affected by what she had said that she +had to shut the door of communication between the kitchen and the +parlour pretty hastily, in order to prevent Sally's threatened +reply from weakening her belief in the righteousness of what Ruth +had done. Her words had gone beyond her conviction. + +Evening after evening Mr. Benson went forth to gain news of Ruth; +and night after night he returned with good tidings. The fever, +it is true, raged; but no plague came nigh her. He said her face +was ever calm and bright, except when clouded by sorrow as she +gave the accounts of the deaths which occurred in spite of every +care. He said that he had never seen her face so fair and gentle +as it was now, when she was living in the midst of disease and +woe. + +One evening Leonard (for they had grown bolder as to the +infection) accompanied him to the street on which the hospital +abutted. Mr. Benson left him there, and told him to return home; +but the boy lingered, attracted by the crowd that had gathered, +and were gazing up intently towards the lighted windows of the +hospital. There was nothing beyond that to be seen; but the +greater part of these poor people had friends or relations in +that palace of Death. Leonard stood and listened. At first their +talk consisted of vague and exaggerated accounts (if such could +be exaggerated) of the horrors of the fever. Then they spoke of +Ruth--of his mother; and Leonard held his breath to hear. + +"They say she has been a great sinner, and that this is her +penance, quoth one. And as Leonard gasped, before rushing forward +to give the speaker straight the lie, an old man spoke-- + +"Such a one as her has never been a great sinner; nor does she do +her work as a penance, but for the love of God, and of the +blessed Jesus. She will be in the light of God's countenance when +you and I will be standing afar off. I tell you, man, when my +poor wench died, as no one would come near, her head lay at that +hour on this woman's sweet breast. I could fell you," the old man +went on, lifting his shaking arm, "for calling that woman a great +sinner. The blessing of them who were ready to perish is upon +her." + +Immediately there arose a clamour of tongues, each with some tale +of his mother's gentle doings, till Leonard grew dizzy with the +beatings of his glad, proud heart. Few were aware how much Ruth +had done; she never spoke of it, shrinking with sweet shyness +from over-much allusion to her own work at all times. Her left +hand truly knew not what her right hand did; and Leonard was +overwhelmed now to hear of the love and the reverence with which +the poor and outcast had surrounded her. It was irrepressible. He +stepped forward with a proud bearing, and, touching the old man's +arm who had first spoken, Leonard tried to speak; but for an +instant he could not, his heart was too full: tears came before +words, but at length he managed to say-- + +"Sir, I am her son!" + +"Thou! thou her bairn! God bless you, lad," said an old woman, +pushing through the crowd. "It was but last night she kept my +child quiet with singing psalms the night through. Low and sweet, +low and sweet, they tell me--till many poor things were hushed, +though they were out of their minds, and had not heard psalms +this many a year. God in heaven bless you, lad!" + +Many other wild, woe-begone creatures pressed forward with +blessings on Ruth's son, while he could only repeat-- + +"She is my mother." + +From that day forward Leonard walked erect in the streets of +Eccleston, where "many arose and called her blessed." + +After some weeks the virulence of the fever abated; and the +general panic subsided--indeed, a kind of fool-hardiness +succeeded. To be sure, in some instances the panic still held +possession of individuals to an exaggerated extent. But the +number of patients in the hospital was rapidly diminishing, and, +for money, those were to be found who could supply Ruth's place. +But to her it was owing that the overwrought fear of the town was +subdued; it was she who had gone voluntarily, and, with no +thought of greed or gain, right into the very jaws of the fierce +disease. She bade the inmates of the hospital farewell, and after +carefully submitting herself to the purification recommended by +Mr. Davis, the principal surgeon of the place, who had always +attended Leonard, she returned to Mr. Benson's just at gloaming +time. + +They each vied with the other in the tenderest cares. They +hastened tea; they wheeled the sofa to the fire; they made her +lie down; and to all she submitted with the docility of a child; +and, when the candles came, even Mr. Benson's anxious eye could +see no change in her looks, but that she seemed a little paler. +The eyes were as full of spiritual light, the gently parted lips +as rosy, and the smile, if more rare, yet as sweet as ever. + + +CHAPTER XXXIV + + +"I MUST GO AND NURSE MR. BELLINGHAM" + +The next morning Miss Benson would insist upon making Ruth lie +down on the sofa. Ruth longed to do many things; to be much more +active; but she submitted, when she found that it would gratify +Miss Faith if she remained as quiet as if she were really an +invalid. + +Leonard sat by her holding her hand. Every now and then he looked +up from his book, as if to make sure that she indeed was restored +to him. He had brought her down the flowers which she had given +him the day of her departure, and which he had kept in water as +long as they had any greenness or fragrance, and then had +carefully dried and put by. She too, smiling, had produced the +one rose which she had carried away to the hospital. Never had +the bond between her and her boy been drawn so firm and strong. + +Many visitors came this day to the quiet Chapel-house. First of +all Mrs. Farquhar appeared. She looked very different from the +Jemima Bradshaw of three years ago. Happiness had called out +beauty; the colouring of her face was lovely, and vivid as that +of an autumn day; her berry red lips scarce closed over the short +white teeth for her smiles; and her large dark eyes glowed and +sparkled with daily happiness. They were softened by a mist of +tears as she looked upon Ruth. + +"Lie still! Don't move! You must be content to-day to be waited +upon, and nursed! I have just seen Miss Benson in the lobby, and +had charge upon charge not to fatigue you. Oh, Ruth! how we all +love you, now we have you back again! Do you know, I taught Rosa +to say her prayers as soon as ever you were gone to that horrid +place, just on purpose that her little innocent lips might pray +for you--I wish you could hear her say it--'Please, dear God, +keep Ruth safe.' Oh, Leonard! are not you proud of your mother?" + +Leonard said "Yes," rather shortly, as if he were annoyed that +any one else should know, or even have a right to imagine, how +proud he was. Jemima went on-- + +"Now, Ruth! I have got a plan for you. Walter and I have partly +made it; and partly it's papa's doing. Yes, dear! papa has been +quite anxious to show his respect for you. We all want you to go +to the dear Eagle's Crag for this next month, and get strong, and +have some change in that fine air at Abermouth. I am going to +take little Rosa there. Papa has lent it to us. And the weather +is often very beautiful in November." + +"Thank you very much. It is very tempting; for I have been almost +longing for some such change. I cannot tell all at once whether I +can go; but I will see about it, if you will let me leave it open +a little." + +"Oh! as long as you like, so that you will but go at last. And, +Master Leonard! you are to come too. Now, I know I have you on my +side." Ruth thought of the place. Her only reluctance arose from +the remembrance of that one interview on the sands. That walk she +could never go again; but how much remained! How much that would +be a charming balm and refreshment to her! + +"What happy evenings we shall have together! Do you know, I think +Mary and Elizabeth may perhaps come." + +A bright gleam of sunshine came into the room. "Look! how bright +and propitious for our plans. Dear Ruth, it seems like an omen +for the future!" + +Almost while she spoke, Miss Benson entered, bringing with her +Mr. Grey, the rector of Eccleston. He was an elderly man, short, +and stoutly built, with something very formal in his manner; but +any one might feel sure of his steady benevolence who noticed the +expression of his face, and especially of the kindly black eyes +that gleamed beneath his grey and shaggy eyebrows. Ruth had seen +him at the hospital once or twice, and Mrs. Farquhar had met him +pretty frequently in general society. + +"Go and tell your uncle," said Miss Benson to Leonard. + +"Stop, my boy! I have just met Mr. Benson in the street, and my +errand now is to your mother. I should like you to remain and +hear what it is; and I am sure that my business will give these +ladies,"--bowing to Miss Benson and Jemima--"so much pleasure, +that I need not apologise for entering upon it in their +presence." He pulled out his double eye-glass, saying, with a +grave smile-- + +"You ran away from us yesterday so quietly and cunningly, Mrs. +Denbigh, that you were, perhaps, not aware that the Board was +sitting at that very time, and trying to form a vote sufficiently +expressive of our gratitude to you. As chairman, they requested +me to present you with this letter, which I shall have the +pleasure of reading." + +With all due emphasis he read aloud a formal letter from the +Secretary to the Infirmary, conveying a vote of thanks to Ruth. + +The good rector did not spare her one word, from date to +signature; and then, folding the letter up, he gave it to +Leonard, saying-- + +"There, sir! when you are an old man, you may read that testimony +to your mother's noble conduct with pride and pleasure. For, +indeed," continued he, turning to Jemima, "no words can express +the relief it was to us. I speak of the gentlemen composing the +Board of the Infirmary. When Mrs. Denbigh came forward, the panic +was at its height, and the alarm of course aggravated the +disorder. The poor creatures died rapidly; there was hardly time +to remove the dead bodies before others were brought in to occupy +the beds, so little help was to be procured on account of the +universal terror; and the morning when Mrs. Denbigh offered us +her services we seemed at the very worst. I shall never forget +the sensation of relief in my mind when she told us what she +proposed to do; but we thought it right to warn her to the full +extent-- + +"Nay, madam," said he, catching a glimpse of Ruth's changing +colour, "I will spare you any more praises. I will only say, if I +can be a friend to you, or a friend to your child, you may +command my poor powers to the utmost." + +He got up, and, bowing formally, he took his leave. Jemima came +and kissed Ruth. Leonard went upstairs to put the precious letter +away. Miss Benson sat crying heartily in a corner of the room. +Ruth went to her, and threw her arms round her neck, and said-- + +"I could not tell him just then. I durst not speak for fear of +breaking down; but if I have done right, it was all owing to you +and Mr. Benson. Oh! I wish I had said how the thought first came +into my head from seeing the things Mr. Benson has done so +quietly ever since the fever first came amongst us. I could not +speak; and it seemed as if I was taking those praises to myself, +when all the time I was feeling how little I deserved them--how +it was all owing to you." + +"Under God, Ruth," said Miss Benson, speaking through her tears. + +"Oh! think there is nothing humbles one so much as undue praise. +While he was reading that letter, I could not help feeling how +many things I have done wrong! Could he know of--of what I have +been?" asked she, dropping her voice very low. + +"Yes!" said Jemima, "he knew--everybody in Eccleston did +know--but the remembrance of those days is swept away. Miss +Benson," she continued, for she was anxious to turn the subject, +"you must be on my side, and persuade Ruth to come to Abermouth +for a few weeks. I want her and Leonard both to come." + +"I'm afraid my brother will think that Leonard is missing his +lessons sadly. Just of late we could not wonder that the poor +child's heart was so full; but he must make haste, and get on all +the more for his idleness." Miss Benson piqued herself on being a +disciplinarian. + +"Oh, as for lessons, Walter is so very anxious that you should +give way to his superior wisdom, Ruth, and let Leonard go to +school. He will send him to any school you fix upon, according to +the mode of life you plan for him." + +"I have no plan," said Ruth. "I have no means of planning. All I +can do is to try and make him ready for anything." + +"Well," said Jemima, "we must talk it over at Abermouth; for I am +sure you won't refuse to come, dearest, dear Ruth! Think of the +quiet, sunny days, and the still evenings, that we shall have +together, with little Rosa to tumble about among the fallen +leaves; and there's Leonard to have his first sight of the sea." + +"I do think of it," said Ruth, smiling at the happy picture +Jemima drew. And both smiling at the hopeful prospect before +them, they parted--never to meet again in life. + +No sooner had Mrs. Farquhar gone than Sally burst in. + +"Oh! dear, dear!" said she, looking around her. "If I had but +known that the rector was coming to call I'd ha' put on the best +covers, and the Sunday tablecloth! You're well enough," continued +she, surveying Ruth from head to foot; "you're always trim and +dainty in your gowns, though I reckon they cost but tuppence a +yard, and you've a face to set 'em off; but as for you" (as she +turned to Miss Benson), "I think you might ha' had something +better on than that old stuff, if it had only been to do credit +to a parishioner like me, whom he has known ever sin' my father +was his clerk." + +"You forget, Sally, I had been making jelly all the morning. How +could I tell it was Mr. Grey when there was a knock at the door?" +Miss Benson replied. + +"You might ha' letten me do the jelly; I'se warrant I could ha' +pleased Ruth as well as you. If I had but known he was coming, +I'd ha' slipped round the corner and bought ye a neck-ribbon, or +summut to lighten ye up. I'se loth he should think I'm living +with Dissenters, that don't know how to keep themselves trig and +smart." + +"Never mind, Sally; he never thought of me. What he came for, was +to see Ruth; and, as you say, she's always neat and dainty." + +"Well! I reckon it cannot be helped now; but, if I buy ye a +ribbon, will you promise to wear it when Church folks come? for I +cannot abide the way they have of scoffing at the Dissenters +about their dress." + +"Very well! we'll make that bargain," said Miss Benson; "and now, +Ruth, I'll go and fetch you a cup of warm jelly." + +"Oh! indeed, Aunt Faith," said Ruth, "I am very sorry to balk +you; but if you're going to treat me as an invalid, I am afraid I +shall rebel." + +But when she found that Aunt Faith's heart was set upon it, she +submitted very graciously: only dimpling up a little, as she +found that she must consent to lie on the sofa, and be fed, when, +in truth, she felt full of health, with a luxurious sensation of +languor stealing over her now and then, just enough to make it +very pleasant to think of the salt breezes, and the sea beauty +which awaited her at Abermouth. + +Mr. Davis called in the afternoon, and his visit was also to +Ruth. Mr. and Miss Benson were sitting with her in the parlour, +and watching her with contented love, as she employed herself in +household sewing, and hopefully spoke about the Abermouth plan. + +"Well! so you had our worthy rector here to-day; I am come on +something of the same kind of errand; only I shall spare you the +reading of my letter, which, I'll answer for it, he did not. +Please to take notice," said he, putting down a sealed letter, +"that I have delivered you a vote of thanks from my medical +brothers; and open and read it at your leisure; only not just +now, for I want to have a little talk with you on my own behoof. +I want to ask you a favour, Mrs. Denbigh." + +"A favour!" exclaimed Ruth; "what can I do for you? I think I may +say I will do it, without hearing what it is." + +"Then you're a very imprudent woman," replied he; "however, I'll +take you at your word. I want you to give me your boy." + +"Leonard?" + +"Ay! there it is, you see, Mr. Benson. One minute she is as ready +as can be, and the next she looks at me as if I was an ogre!" + +"Perhaps we don't understand what you mean," said Mr. Benson. + +"The thing is this. You know I've no children; and I can't say +I've ever fretted over it much; but my wife has; and whether it +is that she has infected me, or that I grieve over my good +practice going to a stranger, when I ought to have had a son to +take it after me, I don't know; but, of late, I've got to look +with covetous eyes on all healthy boys, and at last I've settled +down my wishes on this Leonard of yours, Mrs. Denbigh." + +Ruth could not speak; for, even yet, she did not understand what +he meant. He went on-- + +"Now, how old is the lad?" He asked Ruth, but Miss Benson +replied-- + +"He'll be twelve next February." + +"Umph! only twelve! He's tall and old-looking for his age. You +look young enough, it is true." He said this last sentence as if +to himself, but seeing Ruth crimson up, ho abruptly changed his +tone. + +"Twelve, is he? Well, I take him from now. I don't mean that I +really take him away from you," said he, softening all at once, +and becoming grave and considerate. "His being your son--the son +of one whom I have seen--as I have seen you, Mrs. Denbigh (out +and out the best nurse I ever met with, Miss Benson; and good +nurses are things we doctors know how to value)--his being your +son is his great recommendation to me; not but what the lad +himself is a noble boy. I shall be glad to leave him with you as +long and as much as we can; he could not be tied to your +apron-strings all his life, you know. Only I provide for his +education, subject to your consent and good pleasure, and he is +bound apprentice to me. I, his guardian, bind him to myself, the +first surgeon in Eccleston, be the other who he may; and in +process of time he becomes partner, and some day or other +succeeds me. Now, Mrs. Denbigh, what have you got to say against +this plan? My wife is just as full of it as me. Come; begin with +your objections. You're not a woman if you have not a whole +bag-full of them ready to turn out against any reasonable +proposal." + +"I don't know," faltered Ruth. "It is so sudden----" + +"It is very, very kind of you, Mr. Davis," said Miss Benson, a +little scandalised at Ruth's non-expression of gratitude. + +"Pooh! pooh! I'll answer for it, in the long-run, I am taking +good care of my own interests. Come, Mrs. Denbigh, is it a +bargain?" + +Now Mr. Benson spoke. + +"Mr. Davis, it is rather sudden, as she says. As far as I can +see, it is the best as well as the kindest proposal that could +have been made; but I think we must give her a little time to +think about it." + +"Well, twenty-four hours! Will that do?" + +Ruth lifted up her head. "Mr. Davis, I am not ungrateful because +I can't thank you" (she was crying while she spoke); "let me have +a fortnight to consider about it. In a fortnight I will make up +my mind. Oh, how good you all are!" + +"Very well. Then this day fortnight--Thursday the 28th--you will +let me know your decision. Mind! if it's against me, I sha'n't +consider it a decision, for I'm determined to carry my point. I'm +not going to make Mrs. Denbigh blush, Mr. Benson, by telling you, +in her presence, of all I have observed about her this last three +weeks, that has made me sure of the good qualities I shall find +in this boy of hers. I was watching her when she little thought +of it. Do you remember that night when Hector O'Brien was so +furiously delirious, Mrs. Denbigh?" + +Ruth went very white at the remembrance. + +"Why now, look there! how pale she is at the very thought of it! +And yet, I assure you, she was the one to go up and take the +piece of glass from him which he had broken out of the window for +the sole purpose of cutting his throat, or the throat of any one +else, for that matter. I wish we had some others as brave as she +is." + +"I thought the great panic was passed away!" said Mr. Benson. + +"Ay! the general feeling of alarm is much weaker; but, here and +there, there are as great fools as ever. Why, when I leave here, +I am going to see our precious member, Mr. Donne----" + +"Mr. Donne?" said Ruth. + +"Mr. Donne, who lies ill at the Queen's--came last week, with the +intention of canvassing, but was too much alarmed by what he +heard of the fever to set to work; and, in spite of all his +precautions, he has taken it; and you should see the terror they +are in at the hotel; landlord, landlady, waiters, servants--all; +there's not a creature will go near him, if they can help it; and +there's only his groom--a lad he saved from drowning, I'm +told--to do anything for him. I must get him a proper nurse, +somehow or somewhere, for all my being a Cranworth man. Ah, Mr. +Benson! you don't know the temptations we medical men have. +Think, if I allowed your member to die now as he might very well, +if he had no nurse--how famously Mr. Cranworth would walk over +the course!--Where's Mrs. Denbigh gone to? I hope I've not +frightened her away by reminding her of Hector O'Brien, and that +awful night, when I do assure you she behaved like a heroine!" + +As Mr. Benson was showing Mr. Davis out, Ruth opened the +study-door, and said, in a very calm, low voice-- + +"Mr. Benson! will you allow me to speak to Mr. Davis alone?" + +Mr. Benson immediately consented, thinking that, in all +probability, she wished to ask some further questions about +Leonard; but as Mr. Davis came into the room, and shut the door, +he was struck by her pale, stern face of determination, and +awaited her speaking first. + +"Mr. Davis! I must go and nurse Mr. Bellingham," said she at +last, clenching her hands tight together; but no other part of +her body moving from its intense stillness. + +"Mr. Bellingham?" asked he, astonished at the name. + +"Mr. Donne, I mean," said she hurriedly. "His name was +Bellingham." + +"Oh! I remember hearing he had changed his name for some +property. But you must not think of any more such work just now. +You are not fit for it. You are looking as white as ashes." + +"I must go," she repeated. + +"Nonsense! Here's a man who can pay for the care of the first +hospital nurses in London--and I doubt if his life is worth the +risk of one of theirs even, much more of yours." + +"We have no right to weigh human lives against each other." + +"No! I know we have not. But it's a way we doctors are apt to get +into; and, at any rate, it's ridiculous of you to think of such a +thing. Just listen to reason." + +"I can't! I can't!" cried she, with a sharp pain in her voice. +"You must let me go, dear Mr. Davis!" said she, now speaking with +soft entreaty. "No!" said he, shaking his head authoritatively. +"I'll do no such thing." "Listen!" said she, dropping her voice, +and going all over the deepest scarlet; "he is Leonard's father! +Now! you will let me go!" Mr. Davis was indeed staggered by what +she said, and for a moment he did not speak. So she went on-- +"You will not tell! You must not tell! No one knows, not even Mr. +Benson, who it was. And now--it might do him so much harm to have +it known. You will not tell!" + +"No! I will not tell," replied he. "But, Mrs. Denbigh, you must +answer me this one question, which I ask you in all true respect, +but which I must ask, in order to guide both myself and you +aright--of course I knew Leonard was illegitimate--in fact, I +will give you secret for secret; it was being so myself that +first made me sympathise with him, and desire to adopt him. I +knew that much of your history; but tell me, do you now care for +this man? Answer me truly--do you love him?" + +For a moment or two she did not speak; her head was bent down; +then she raised it up, and looked with clear and honest eyes into +his face. + +"I have been thinking--but I do not know--I cannot tell--I don't +think I should love him, if he were well and happy--but you said +he was ill--and alone--how can I help caring for him? How can I +help caring for him?" repeated she, covering her face with her +hands, and the quick hot tears stealing through her fingers. + +"He is Leonard's father," continued she, looking up at Mr. Davis +suddenly. "He need not know--he shall not--that I have ever been +near him. If he is like the others, he must be delirious--I will +leave him before he comes to himself--but now let me go--I must +go." + +"I wish my tongue had been bitten out before I had named him to +you. He would do well enough without you; and, I dare say, if he +recognises you, he will only be annoyed." + +"It is very likely," said Ruth heavily. + +"Annoyed--why! he may curse you for your unasked-for care of him. +I have heard my poor mother--and she was as pretty and delicate a +creature as you are--cursed for showing tenderness when it was +not wanted. Now, be persuaded by an old man like me, who has seen +enough of life to make his heart ache--leave this fine gentleman +to his fate. I'll promise you to get him as good a nurse as can +be had for money." + +"No!" said Ruth, with dull persistency--as if she had not +attended to his dissuasions; "I must go. I will leave him before +he recognises me." + +"Why, then," said the old surgeon, "if you're so bent upon it, I +suppose I must let you. It is but what my mother would have +done--poor, heart-broken thing! However, come along, and let us +make the best of it. It saves me a deal of trouble, I know; for, +if I have you for a right hand, I need not worry myself +continually with wondering how he is taken care of. Go get your +bonnet, you tender-hearted fool of a woman! Let us get you out of +the house without any more scenes or explanations; I'll make all +straight with the Bensons." + +"You will not tell my secret, Mr. Davis," she said abruptly. + +"No! not I! Does the woman think I had never to keep a secret of +the kind before? I only hope he'll lose his election, and never +come near the place again. After all," continued he, sighing, "I +suppose it is but human nature!" He began recalling the +circumstances of his own early life, and dreamily picturing +scenes in the grey dying embers of the fire; and he was almost +startled when she stood before him, ready equipped, grave, pale, +and quiet. + +"Come along!" said he. "If you're to do any good at all, it must +be in these next three days. After that, I'll ensure his life for +this bout; and mind! I shall send you home then; for he might +know you, and I'll have no excitement to throw him back again, +and no sobbing and crying from you. But now every moment your +care is precious to him. I shall tell my own story to the +Bensons, as soon as I have installed you." + +Mr. Donne lay in the best room of the Queen's Hotel--no one with +him but his faithful, ignorant servant, who was as much afraid of +the fever as any one else could be, but who, nevertheless, would +not leave his master--his master who had saved his life as a +child, and afterwards put him in the stables at Bellingham Hall, +where he learnt all that he knew. He stood in a farther corner of +the room, watching his delirious master with affrighted eyes, not +daring to come near him, nor yet willing to leave him. + +"Oh! if that doctor would but come! He'll kill himself or me--and +them stupid servants won't stir a step over the threshold; how +shall I get over the night? Blessings on him--here's the old +doctor back again! I hear him creaking and scolding up the +stairs!" + +The door opened, and Mr. Davis entered, followed by Ruth. + +"Here's the nurse, my good man--such a nurse as there is not in +the three counties. Now, all you'll have to do is to mind what +she says." + +"Oh, sir! he's mortal bad! won't you stay with us through the +night, sir?" + +"Look here!" whispered Mr. Davis to the man, "see how she knows +how to manage him! Why, I could not do it better myself!" + +She had gone up to the wild, raging figure, and with soft +authority had made him lie down: and then, placing a basin of +cold water by the bedside, she had dipped in it her pretty hands, +and was laying their cool dampness on his hot brow, speaking in a +low soothing voice all the time, in a way that acted like a charm +in hushing his mad talk. + +"But I will stay," said the doctor, after he had examined his +patient; "as much on her account as his, and partly to quieten +the fears of this poor, faithful fellow." + + +CHAPTER XXXV + + +OUT OF DARKNESS INTO LIGHT + +The third night after this was to be the crisis--the +turning-point between Life and Death. Mr. Davis came again to +pass it by the bedside of the sufferer. Ruth was there, constant +and still, intent upon watching the symptoms, and acting +according to them, in obedience to Mr. Davis's directions. She +had never left the room. Every sense had been strained in +watching--every power of thought or judgment had been kept on the +full stretch. Now that Mr. Davis came and took her place, and +that the room was quiet for the night, she became oppressed with +heaviness, which yet did not tend to sleep. She could not +remember the present time, or where she was. All times of her +earliest youth--the days of her childhood--were in her memory +with a minuteness and fulness of detail which was miserable; for +all along she felt that she had no real grasp on the scenes that +were passing through her mind--that, somehow, they were long gone +by, and gone by for ever--and yet she could not remember who she +was now, nor where she was, and whether she had now any interests +in life to take the place of those which she was conscious had +passed away, although their remembrance filled her mind with +painful acuteness. Her head lay on her arms, and they rested on +the table. Every now and then she opened her eyes, and saw the +large room, handsomely furnished with articles that were each one +incongruous with the other, as if bought at sales. She saw the +flickering night-light--she heard the ticking of the watch, and +the two breathings, each going on at a separate rate--one +hurried, abruptly stopping, and then panting violently, as if to +make up for lost time; and the other slow, steady, and regular, +as if the breather was asleep; but this supposition was +contradicted by an occasional repressed sound of yawning. The sky +through the uncurtained window looked dark and black--would this +night never have an end? Had the sun gone down for ever, and +would the world at last awaken to a general sense of everlasting +night? + +Then she felt as if she ought to get up, and go and see how the +troubled sleeper in yonder bed was struggling through his +illness; but she could not remember who the sleeper was, and she +shrunk from seeing some phantom-face on the pillow, such as now +began to haunt the dark corners of the room, and look at her, +jibbering and mowing as they looked. So she covered her face +again, and sank into a whirling stupor of sense and feeling. +By-and-by she heard her fellow-watcher stirring, and a dull +wonder stole over her as to what he was doing; but the heavy +languor pressed her down, and kept her still. At last she heard +the words, "Come here," and listlessly obeyed the command. She +had to steady herself in the rocking chamber before she could +walk to the bed by which Mr. Davis stood; but the effort to do so +roused her, and, though conscious of an oppressive headache, she +viewed with sudden and clear vision all the circumstances of her +present position. Mr. Davis was near the head of the bed, holding +the night-lamp high, and shading it with his hand, that it might +not disturb the sick person, who lay with his face towards them, +in feeble exhaustion, but with every sign that the violence of +the fever had left him. It so happened that the rays of the lamp +fell bright and full upon Ruth's countenance, as she stood with +her crimson lips parted with the hurrying breath, and the +fever-flush brilliant on her cheeks. Her eyes were wide open, and +their pupils distended. She looked on the invalid in silence, and +hardly understood why Mr. Davis had summoned her there. + +"Don't you see the change? He is better!--the crisis is past!" + +But she did not speak her looks were riveted on his +softly-unclosing eyes, which met hers as they opened languidly. +She could not stir or speak. She was held fast by that gaze of +his, in which a faint recognition dawned, and grew to strength. + +He murmured some words. They strained their sense to hear. He +repeated them even lower than before; but this time they caught +what he was saying. + +"Where are the water-lilies? Where are the lilies in her hair?" + +Mr. Davis drew Ruth away. + +"He is still rambling," said he. "But the fever has left him." + +The grey dawn was now filling the room with its cold light; was +it that made Ruth's cheek so deadly pale? Could that call out the +wild entreaty of her look, as if imploring help against some +cruel foe that held her fast, and was wrestling with her Spirit +of Life? She held Mr. Davis's arm. If she had let it go, she +would have fallen. + +"Take me home," she said, and fainted dead away. + +Mr. Davis carried her out of the chamber, and sent the groom to +keep watch by his master. He ordered a fly to convey her to Mr. +Benson's, and lifted her in when it came, for she was still half +unconscious. It was he who carried her upstairs to her room, +where Miss Benson and Sally undressed and laid her in her bed. + +He awaited their proceedings in Mr. Benson's study. When Mr. +Benson came in, Mr. Davis said-- + +"Don't blame me. Don't add to my self-reproach. I have killed +her. I was a cruel fool to let her go. Don't speak to me." + +"It may not be so bad," said Mr. Benson, himself needing comfort +in that shock. + +"She may recover. She surely will recover. I believe she will." + +"No, no! she won't. But by----she shall, if I can save her." +Mr. Davis looked defiantly at Mr. Benson, as if he were Fate. "I +tell you she shall recover, or else I am a murderer. What +business had I to take her to nurse him----" + +He was cut short by Sally's entrance and announcement, that Ruth +was now prepared to see him. + +From that time forward Mr. Davis devoted all his leisure, his +skill, his energy, to save her. He called on the rival surgeon, +to beg him to undertake the management of Mr. Donne's recovery, +saying, with his usual self-mockery, "I could not answer it to +Mr. Cranworth if I had brought his opponent round, you know, when +I had had such a fine opportunity in my power. Now, with your +patients, and general Radical interest, it will be rather a +feather in your cap; for he may want a good deal of care yet, +though he is getting on famously--so rapidly, in fact, that it's +a strong temptation to me to throw him back--a relapse, you +know." + +The other surgeon bowed gravely, apparently taking Mr. Davis in +earnest, but certainly very glad of the job thus opportunely +thrown in his way. In spite of Mr. Davis's real and deep anxiety +about Ruth, he could not help chuckling over his rival's literal +interpretation of all he had said. + +"To be sure, what fools men are! I don't know why one should +watch and strive to keep them in the world. I have given this +fellow something to talk about confidently to all his patients; I +wonder how much stronger a dose the man would have swallowed! I +must begin to take care of my practice for that lad yonder. +Well-a-day! well-a-day! What was this sick fine gentleman sent +here for, that she should run a chance of her life for him? or +why was he sent into the world at all, for that matter?" + +Indeed, however much Mr. Davis might labour with all his +professional skill--however much they might all watch--and +pray--and weep--it was but too evident that Ruth "home must go, +and take her wages." Poor, poor Ruth! It might be that, utterly +exhausted by watching and nursing, first in the hospital, and +than by the bedside of her former lover, the power of her +constitution was worn out; or, it might be, her gentle, pliant +sweetness, but she displayed no outrage or discord even in her +delirium. There she lay in the attic-room in which her baby had +been born, her watch over him kept, her confession to him made; +and now she was stretched on the bed in utter helplessness, +softly gazing at vacancy with her open, unconscious eyes, from +which all the depth of their meaning had fled, and all they told +of was of a sweet, child-like insanity within. The watchers could +not touch her with their sympathy, or come near her in her dim +world;--so, mutely, but looking at each other from time to time +with tearful eyes, they took a poor comfort from the one evident +fact that, though lost and gone astray, she was happy and at +peace. They had never heard her sing; indeed, the simple art +which her mother had taught her, had died, with her early +joyousness, at that dear mother's death. But now she sang +continually, very slow, and low. She went from one old childish +ditty to another without let or pause, keeping a strange sort of +time with her pretty fingers, as they closed and unclosed +themselves upon the counterpane. She never looked at any one with +the slightest glimpse of memory or intelligence in her face; no, +not even Leonard. + +Her strength faded day by day; but she knew it not. Her sweet +lips were parted to sing, even after the breath and the power to +do so had left her, and her fingers fell idly on the bed. Two +days she lingered thus--all but gone from them, and yet still +there. + +They stood around her bedside, not speaking, or sighing, or +moaning; they were too much awed by the exquisite peacefulness of +her look for that. Suddenly she opened wide her eyes, and gazed +intently forwards, as if she saw some happy vision, which called +out a lovely, rapturous, breathless smile. They held their very +breaths. + +"I see the Light coming," said she. "The Light is coming," she +said. And, raising herself slowly, she stretched out her arms, +and then fell back, very still for evermore. + +They did not speak. Mr. Davis was the first to utter a word. + +"It is over!" said he. "She is dead!" + +Out rang through the room the cry of Leonard-- + +"Mother! mother! mother! You have not left me alone! You will not +leave me alone! You are not dead! Mother! Mother!" + +They had pent in his agony of apprehension till then, that no +wail of her child might disturb her ineffable calm. But now there +was a cry heard through the house, of one refusing to be +comforted: "Mother! Mother!" + +But Ruth lay dead. + + +CHAPTER XXXVI + + +THE END + +A stupor of grief succeeded to Leonard's passionate cries. He +became so much depressed, physically as well as mentally, before +the end of the day, that Mr. Davis was seriously alarmed for the +consequences. He hailed with gladness a proposal made by the +Farquhars, that the boy should be removed to their house, and +placed under the fond care of his mother's friend, who sent her +own child to Abermouth the better to devote herself to Leonard. + +When they told him of this arrangement, he at first refused to go +and leave her: but when Mr. Benson said-- + +"She would have wished it, Leonard! Do it for her sake!" he went +away very quietly; not speaking a word, after Mr. Benson had made +the voluntary promise that he should see her once again. He +neither spoke nor cried for many hours; and all Jemima's delicate +wiles were called forth, before his heavy heart could find the +relief of tears. And then he was so weak, and his pulse so low, +that all who loved him feared for his life. + +Anxiety about him made a sad distraction from the sorrow for the +dead. The three old people, who now formed the household in the +Chapel-house, went about slowly and dreamily, each with a dull +wonder at their hearts why they, the infirm and worn-out, were +left, while she was taken in her lovely prime. + +The third day after Ruth's death, a gentleman came to the door +and asked to speak to Mr. Benson. He was very much wrapped up in +furs and cloaks, and the upper, exposed part of his face was sunk +and hollow, like that of one but partially recovered from +illness. Mr. and Miss Benson were at Mr. Farquhar's, gone to see +Leonard, and poor old Sally had been having a hearty cry over the +kitchen fire before answering the door-knock. Her heart was +tenderly inclined, just then, towards any one who had the aspect +of suffering: so, although her master was out, and she was +usually chary of admitting strangers, she proposed to Mr. Donne +(for it was he), that he should come in and await Mr. Benson's +return in the study. He was glad enough to avail himself of her +offer; for he was feeble and nervous, and come on a piece of +business which he exceedingly disliked, and about which he felt +very awkward. The fire was nearly, if not quite, out; nor did +Sally's vigorous blows do much good, although she left the room +with an assurance that it would soon burn up. He leant against +the chimney-piece, thinking over events, and with a sensation of +discomfort, both external and internal, growing and gathering +upon him. He almost wondered whether the proposal he meant to +make with regard to Leonard could not be better arranged by +letter than by an interview. He became very shivery, and +impatient of the state of indecision to which his bodily weakness +had reduced him. Sally opened the door and came in. "Would you +like to walk upstairs, sir?" asked she in a trembling voice, for +she had learnt who the visitor was from the driver of the fly, +who had run up to the house to inquire what was detaining the +gentleman that he had brought from the Queen's Hotel; and, +knowing that Ruth had caught the fatal fever from her attendance +on Mr. Donne, Sally imagined that it was but a piece of sad +civility to invite him upstairs to see the poor dead body, which +she had laid out and decked for the grave, with such fond care +that she had grown strangely proud of its marble beauty. + +Mr. Donne was glad enough of any proposal of a change from the +cold and comfortless room where he had thought uneasy, remorseful +thoughts. He fancied that a change of place would banish the +train of reflection that was troubling him; but the change he +anticipated was to a well-warmed, cheerful sitting-room, with +signs of life, and a bright fire therein, and he was on the last +flight of stairs--at the door of the room where Ruth lay--before +he understood whither Sally was conducting him. He shrank back +for an instant, and then a strange sting of curiosity impelled +him on. He stood in the humble low-roofed attic, the window open, +and the tops of the distant snow-covered hills filling up the +whiteness of the general aspect. He muffled himself up in his +cloak, and shuddered, while Sally reverently drew down the sheet, +and showed the beautiful, calm, still face, on which the last +rapturous smile still lingered, giving an ineffable look of +bright serenity. Her arms were crossed over her breast; the +wimple-like cap marked the perfect oval of her face, while two +braids of the waving auburn hair peeped out of the narrow border, +and lay on the delicate cheeks. + +He was awed into admiration by the wonderful beauty of that dead +woman. + +"How beautiful she is!" said he, beneath his breath. "Do all dead +people look so peaceful--so happy?" + +"Not all," replied Sally, crying. "Few has been as good and as +gentle as she was in their lives." She quite shook with her +sobbing. + +Mr. Donne was disturbed by her distress. + +"Come, my good woman! we must all die----" he did not know what +to say, and was becoming infected by her sorrow. "I am sure you +loved her very much, and were very kind to her in her lifetime; +you must take this from me to buy yourself some remembrance of +her." He had pulled out a sovereign, and really had a kindly +desire to console her, and reward her, in offering it to her. + +But she took her apron from her eyes, as soon as she became aware +of what he was doing, and, still holding it midway in her hands, +she looked at him indignantly, before she burst out-- + +"And who are you, that think to pay for my kindness to her by +money? And I was not kind to you, my darling," said she, +passionately addressing the motionless, serene body--"I was not +kind to you. I frabbed you, and plagued you from the first, my +lamb! I came and cut off your pretty locks in this very room--I +did--and you said never an angry word to me;--no! not then, nor +many a time after, when I was very sharp and cross to you.--No! I +never was kind to you, and I dunnot think the world was kind to +you, my darling,--but you are gone where the angels are very +tender to such as you--you are, my poor wench!" She bent down and +kissed the lips, from whose marble, unyielding touch Mr. Donne +recoiled, even in thought. + +Just then Mr. Benson entered the room. He had returned home +before his sister, and came upstairs in search of Sally, to whom +he wanted to speak on some subject relating to the funeral. He +bowed in recognition of Mr. Donne, whom he knew as the member for +the town, and whose presence impressed him painfully, as his +illness had been the proximate cause of Ruth's death. But he +tried to check this feeling, as it was no fault of Mr. Donne's. +Sally stole out of the room, to cry at leisure in her kitchen. + +"I must apologise for being here," said Mr. Donne. "I was hardly +conscious where your servant was leading me to, when she +expressed her wish that I should walk upstairs." + +"It is a very common idea in this town, that it is a +gratification to be asked to take a last look at the dead," +replied Mr. Benson. + +"And in this case I am glad to have seen her once more," said Mr. +Donne. "Poor Ruth!" + +Mr. Benson glanced up at him at the last word. How did he know +her name? To him she had only been Mrs. Denbigh. But Mr. Donne +had no idea that he was talking to one unaware of the connection +that had formerly existed between them; and, though he would have +preferred carrying on the conversation in a warmer room, yet, as +Mr. Benson was still gazing at her with sad, lingering love, he +went on-- + +"I did not recognise her when she came to nurse me; I believe I +was delirious. My servant, who had known her long ago in Fordham, +told me who she was. I cannot tell you how I regret that she +should have died in consequence of her love of me." + +Mr. Benson looked up at him again, a stern light filling his eyes +as he did so. He waited impatiently to hear more, either to +quench or confirm his suspicions. If she had not been lying +there, very still and calm, he would have forced the words out of +Mr. Donne, by some abrupt question. As it was, he listened +silently, his heart quick beating. + +"I know that money is but a poor compensation--is no remedy for +this event, or for my youthful folly." + +Mr. Benson set his teeth hard together, to keep in words little +short of a curse. + +"Indeed, I offered her money to almost any amount before:--do me +justice, sir," catching the gleam of indignation on Mr. Benson's +face; "I offered to marry her, and provide for the boy as if he +had been legitimate. It's of no use recurring to that time," said +he, his voice faltering; "what is done cannot be undone. But I +came now to say, that I should be glad to leave the boy still +under your charge, and that every expense you think it right to +incur in his education I will gladly defray;--and place a sum of +money in trust for him--say, two thousand pounds--or more: fix +what you will. Of course, if you decline retaining him, I must +find some one else; but the provision for him shall be the same, +for my poor Ruth's sake." + +Mr. Benson did not speak. He could not, till he had gathered some +peace from looking at the ineffable repose of the Dead. Then, +before he answered, he covered up her face; and in his voice +there was the stillness of ice. + +"Leonard is not unprovided for. Those that honoured his mother +will take care of him. He shall never touch a penny of your +money. Every offer of service you have made, I reject in his +name, and in her presence," said he, bending towards the Dead. +"Men may call such actions as yours youthful follies! There is +another name for them with God. Sir! I will follow you +downstairs." + +All the way down, Mr. Benson heard Mr. Donne's voice urging and +entreating, but the words he could not recognise for the thoughts +that filled his brain--the rapid putting together of events that +was going on there. And when Mr. Donne turned at the door, to +speak again, and repeat his offers of service to Leonard, Mr. +Benson made answer, without well knowing whether the answer +fitted the question or not-- + +"I thank God, you have no right, legal or otherwise, over the +child. And for her sake, I will spare him the shame of ever +hearing your name as his father." He shut the door in Mr. Donne's +face. + +"An ill-bred, puritanical old fellow! He may have the boy, I am +sure, for aught I care. I have done my duty, and will get out of +this abominable place as soon as I can. I wish my last +remembrance of my beautiful Ruth was not mixed up with all these +people." + +Mr. Benson was bitterly oppressed with this interview; it +disturbed the peace with which he was beginning to contemplate +events. His anger ruffled him, although such anger had been just, +and such indignation well deserved; and both had been +unconsciously present in his heart for years against the unknown +seducer, whom he met face to face by the death-bed of Ruth. + +It gave him a shock which he did not recover from for many days. +He was nervously afraid lest Mr. Donne should appear at the +funeral; and not all the reasons he alleged to himself against +this apprehension, put it utterly away from him. Before then, +however, he heard casually (for he would allow himself no +inquiries) that he had left the town. No! Ruth's funeral passed +over in calm and simple solemnity. Her child, her own household, +her friend and Mr. Farquhar, quietly walked after the bier, which +was borne by some of the poor to whom she had been very kind in +her lifetime And many others stood aloof in the little +burying-ground, sadly watching that last ceremony. + +They slowly dispersed; Mr. Benson leading Leonard by the hand, +and secretly wondering at his self-restraint. Almost as soon as +they had let themselves into the Chapel-house, a messenger +brought a note from Mrs. Bradshaw, with a pot of quince +marmalade, which, she said to Miss Benson, she thought that +Leonard might fancy, and if he did, they were to be sure and let +her know, as she had plenty more; or, was there anything else +that he would like? She would gladly make him whatever he +fancied. + +Poor Leonard! he lay stretched on the sofa, white and tearless, +beyond the power of any such comfort, however kindly offered; but +this was only one of the many homely, simple attentions, which +all came round him to offer, from Mr. Grey, the rector, down to +the nameless poor who called at the back door to inquire how it +fared with her child. + +Mr. Benson was anxious, according to Dissenting custom, to preach +an appropriate funeral sermon. It was the last office he could +render to her; it should be done well and carefully. Moreover, it +was possible that the circumstances of her life, which were known +to all, might be made effective in this manner to work conviction +of many truths. Accordingly, he made great preparation of thought +and paper; he laboured hard, destroying sheet after sheet--his +eyes filling with tears between-whiles, as he remembered some +fresh proof of the humility and sweetness of her life. Oh that he +could do her justice! but words seemed hard and inflexible, and +refused to fit themselves to his ideas. He sat late on Saturday, +writing; he watched through the night till Sunday morning was far +advanced. He had never taken such pains with any sermon, and he +was only half satisfied with it after all. + +Mrs. Farquhar had comforted the bitterness of Sally's grief by +giving her very handsome mourning. At any rate, she felt oddly +proud and exulting when she thought of her new black gown; but, +when she remembered why she wore it, she scolded herself pretty +sharply for her satisfaction, and took to crying afresh with +redoubled vigour. She spent the Sunday morning in alternately +smoothing down her skirts and adjusting her broad hemmed collar, +or bemoaning the occasion with tearful earnestness. But the +sorrow overcame the little quaint vanity of her heart, as she saw +troop after troop of humbly-dressed mourners pass by into the old +chapel. They were very poor--but each had mounted some rusty +piece of crape, or some faded black ribbon. The old came halting +and slow--the mothers carried their quiet, awe-struck babes. + +And not only these were there--but others--equally unaccustomed +to nonconformist worship; Mr. Davis, for instance, to whom Sally +acted as chaperone; for he sat in the minister's pew, as a +stranger; and, as she afterwards said, she had a fellow-feeling +with him, being a Church-woman herself, and Dissenters had such +awkward ways; however, she had been there before, so she could +set him to rights about their fashions. + +From the pulpit, Mr. Benson saw one and all--the well-filled +Bradshaw pew--all in deep mourning, Mr. Bradshaw conspicuously so +(he would have attended the funeral gladly if they would have +asked him)--the Farquhars--the many strangers--the still more +numerous poor--one or two wild-looking outcasts who stood afar +off, but wept silently and continually. Mr. Benson's heart grew +very full. + +His voice trembled as he read and prayed. But he steadied it as +he opened his sermon--his great, last effort in her honour--the +labour that he had prayed God to bless to the hearts of many. For +an instant the old man looked on all the upturned faces, +listening, with wet eyes, to hear what he could say to interpret +that which was in their hearts, dumb and unshaped, of God's +doings, as shown in her life. He looked, and, as he gazed, a mist +came before him, and he could not see his sermon, nor his +hearers, but only Ruth, as she had been--stricken low, and +crouching from sight in the upland field by Llan-dhu--like a +woeful, hunted creature. And now her life was over! her struggle +ended! Sermon and all was forgotten. He sat down, and hid his +face in his hands for a minute or so. Then he arose, pale and +serene. He put the sermon away, and opened the Bible, and read +the seventh chapter of Revelations, beginning at the ninth verse. + +Before it was finished, most of his hearers were in tears. It +came home to them as more appropriate than any sermon could have +been. Even Sally, though full of anxiety as to what her +fellow-Churchman would think of such proceedings, let the sobs +come freely as she heard the words-- + +"And he said to me, These are they which came out of great +tribulation, and have washed their robes, and made them white in +the blood of the Lamb. + +"Therefore are they before the throne of God, and serve him day +and night in his temple; and he that sitteth on the throne shall +dwell among them. + +"They shall hunger no more, neither thirst any more; neither +shall the sun light on them, nor any heat. + +"For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed +them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters, and +God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes." + +"He preaches sermons sometimes," said Sally, nudging Mr. Davis, +as they rose from their knees at last. "I make no doubt there was +as grand a sermon in yon paper-book as ever we hear in church. +I've heard him pray uncommon fine--quite beyond any but learned +folk." + +Mr. Bradshaw had been anxious to do something to testify his +respect for the woman, who, if all had entertained his opinions, +would have been driven into hopeless sin. Accordingly, he ordered +the first stonemason of the town to meet him in the chapel-yard +on Monday morning, to take measurement and receive directions for +a tombstone. They threaded their way among the grassy heaps to +where Ruth was buried, in the south corner, beneath the great +Wych-elm. When they got there, Leonard raised himself up from the +new-stirred turf. His face was swollen with weeping; but, when he +saw Mr. Bradshaw, he calmed himself, and checked his sobs, and, +as an explanation of being where he was when thus surprised, he +could find nothing to say but the simple words-- + +"My mother is dead, sir." + +His eyes sought those of Mr. Bradshaw with a wild look of agony, +as if to find comfort for that great loss in human sympathy; and +at the first word--the first touch of Mr. Bradshaw's hand on his +shoulder--he burst out afresh. + +"Come, come! my boy!--Mr. Francis, I will see you about this +to-morrow--I will call at your house.--Let me take you home, my +poor fellow. Come, my lad, come!" + +The first time, for years, that he had entered Mr. Benson's +house, he came leading and comforting her son--and, for a moment, +he could not speak to his old friend, for the sympathy which +choked up his voice, and filled his eyes with tears. + + +End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of Ruth +by Elizabeth Cleghorn Gaskell + diff --git a/old/gruth11.zip b/old/gruth11.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..50b39e3 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/gruth11.zip |