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diff --git a/4275.txt b/4275.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..30333c8 --- /dev/null +++ b/4275.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17429 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook, Ruth, by Elizabeth Cleghorn Gaskell + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: Ruth + + +Author: Elizabeth Cleghorn Gaskell + + + +Release Date: December 26, 2001 [eBook #4275] +Most recently updated March 1, 2008 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK RUTH*** + + +E-text prepared by Charles Aldarondo +and revised by Joseph E. Loewenstein, M.D. + + + +RUTH + +by + +ELIZABETH GASKELL + +First published in book form by Chapman and Hall in 1853 + + + + + + + +CONTENTS + + I. The Dressmaker's Apprentice at Work + II. Ruth Goes to the Shire-Hall + III. Sunday at Mrs Mason's + IV. Treading in Perilous Places + V. In North Wales + VI. Troubles Gather About Ruth + VII. The Crisis--Watching and Waiting + VIII. Mrs Bellingham "Does the Thing Handsomely" + IX. The Storm-Spirit Subdued + X. A Note and the Answer + XI. Thurstan and Faith Benson + XII. Losing Sight of the Welsh Mountains + XIII. The Dissenting Minister's Household + XIV. Ruth's First Sunday at Eccleston + XV. Mother and Child + XVI. Sally Tells of Her Sweethearts, and Discourses + on the Duties of Life + XVII. Leonard's Christening + XVIII. Ruth Becomes a Governess in Mr Bradshaw's Family + XIX. After Five Years + XX. Jemima Refuses to Be Managed + XXI. Mr Farquhar's Attentions Transferred + XXII. The Liberal Candidate and His Precursor + XXIII. Recognition + XXIV. The Meeting on the Sands + XXV. Jemima Makes a Discovery + XXVI. Mr Bradshaw's Virtuous Indignation + XXVII. Preparing to Stand on the Truth + XXVIII. An Understanding Between Lovers + XXIX. Sally Takes Her Money Out of the Bank + XXX. The Forged Deed + XXXI. An Accident to the Dover Coach + XXXII. The Bradshaw Pew Again Occupied + XXXIII. A Mother to Be Proud Of + XXXIV. "I Must Go and Nurse Mr Bellingham" + XXXV. Out of Darkness into Light + XXXVI. The End + + + + + Drop, drop, slow tears! + And bathe those beauteous feet, + Which brought from heaven + The news and Prince of peace. + Cease not, wet eyes, + For mercy to entreat: + To cry for vengeance + Sin doth never cease. + In your deep floods + Drown all my faults and fears; + Nor let His eye + See sin, but through my tears. + + _Phineas Fletcher_ + + + + +CHAPTER I + +The Dressmaker's Apprentice at Work + + +There is an assize-town in one of the eastern counties which was much +distinguished by the Tudor sovereigns, and, in consequence of their +favour and protection, attained a degree of importance that surprises +the modern traveller. + +A hundred years ago its appearance was that of picturesque grandeur. +The old houses, which were the temporary residences of such of the +county-families as contented themselves with the gaieties of a +provincial town, crowded the streets and gave them the irregular but +noble appearance yet to be seen in the cities of Belgium. The sides +of the streets had a quaint richness, from the effect of the gables, +and the stacks of chimneys which cut against the blue sky above; +while, if the eye fell lower down, the attention was arrested by all +kinds of projections in the shape of balcony and oriel; and it was +amusing to see the infinite variety of windows that had been crammed +into the walls long before Mr Pitt's days of taxation. The streets +below suffered from all these projections and advanced stories above; +they were dark, and ill-paved with large, round, jolting pebbles, and +with no side-path protected by kerb-stones; there were no lamp-posts +for long winter nights; and no regard was paid to the wants of the +middle class, who neither drove about in coaches of their own, nor +were carried by their own men in their own sedans into the very +halls of their friends. The professional men and their wives, the +shopkeepers and their spouses, and all such people, walked about at +considerable peril both night and day. The broad unwieldy carriages +hemmed them up against the houses in the narrow streets. The +inhospitable houses projected their flights of steps almost into the +carriage-way, forcing pedestrians again into the danger they had +avoided for twenty or thirty paces. Then, at night, the only light +was derived from the glaring, flaring oil-lamps hung above the doors +of the more aristocratic mansions; just allowing space for the +passers-by to become visible, before they again disappeared into the +darkness, where it was no uncommon thing for robbers to be in waiting +for their prey. + +The traditions of those bygone times, even to the smallest social +particular, enable one to understand more clearly the circumstances +which contributed to the formation of character. The daily life +into which people are born, and into which they are absorbed before +they are well aware, forms chains which only one in a hundred has +moral strength enough to despise, and to break when the right time +comes--when an inward necessity for independent individual action +arises, which is superior to all outward conventionalities. Therefore +it is well to know what were the chains of daily domestic habit which +were the natural leading-strings of our forefathers before they +learnt to go alone. + +The picturesqueness of those ancient streets has departed now. +The Astleys, the Dunstans, the Waverhams--names of power in that +district--go up duly to London in the season, and have sold their +residences in the county-town fifty years ago, or more. And when the +county-town lost its attraction for the Astleys, the Dunstans, the +Waverhams, how could it be supposed that the Domvilles, the Bextons, +and the Wildes would continue to go and winter there in their +second-rate houses, and with their increased expenditure? So the +grand old houses stood empty awhile; and then speculators ventured +to purchase, and to turn the deserted mansions into many smaller +dwellings, fitted for professional men, or even (bend your ear lower, +lest the shade of Marmaduke, first Baron Waverham, hear) into shops! + +Even that was not so very bad, compared with the next innovation on +the old glories. The shopkeepers found out that the once fashionable +street was dark, and that the dingy light did not show off their +goods to advantage; the surgeon could not see to draw his patient's +teeth; the lawyer had to ring for candles an hour earlier than he was +accustomed to do when living in a more plebeian street. In short, by +mutual consent, the whole front of one side of the street was pulled +down, and rebuilt in the flat, mean, unrelieved style of George the +Third. The body of the houses was too solidly grand to submit to +alteration; so people were occasionally surprised, after passing +through a commonplace-looking shop, to find themselves at the foot of +a grand carved oaken staircase, lighted by a window of stained glass, +storied all over with armorial bearings. + +Up such a stair--past such a window (through which the moonlight fell +on her with a glory of many colours)--Ruth Hilton passed wearily one +January night, now many years ago. I call it night; but, strictly +speaking, it was morning. Two o'clock in the morning chimed forth +the old bells of St Saviour's. And yet more than a dozen girls still +sat in the room into which Ruth entered, stitching away as if for +very life, not daring to gape, or show any outward manifestation of +sleepiness. They only sighed a little when Ruth told Mrs Mason the +hour of the night, as the result of her errand; for they knew that, +stay up as late as they might, the work-hours of the next day must +begin at eight, and their young limbs were very weary. + +Mrs Mason worked away as hard as any of them; but she was older and +tougher; and, besides, the gains were hers. But even she perceived +that some rest was needed. "Young ladies! there will be an interval +allowed of half an hour. Ring the bell, Miss Sutton. Martha shall +bring you up some bread and cheese and beer. You will be so good as +to eat it standing--away from the dresses--and to have your hands +washed ready for work when I return. In half an hour," said she once +more, very distinctly; and then she left the room. + +It was curious to watch the young girls as they instantaneously +availed themselves of Mrs Mason's absence. One fat, particularly +heavy-looking damsel laid her head on her folded arms and was asleep +in a moment; refusing to be wakened for her share in the frugal +supper, but springing up with a frightened look at the sound of +Mrs Mason's returning footstep, even while it was still far off on +the echoing stairs. Two or three others huddled over the scanty +fireplace, which, with every possible economy of space, and no +attempt whatever at anything of grace or ornament, was inserted in +the slight, flat-looking wall, that had been run up by the present +owner of the property to portion off this division of the grand old +drawing-room of the mansion. Some employed the time in eating their +bread and cheese, with as measured and incessant a motion of the jaws +(and almost as stupidly placid an expression of countenance), as you +may see in cows ruminating in the first meadow you happen to pass. + +Some held up admiringly the beautiful ball-dress in progress, while +others examined the effect, backing from the object to be criticised +in the true artistic manner. Others stretched themselves into all +sorts of postures to relieve the weary muscles; one or two gave vent +to all the yawns, coughs, and sneezes that had been pent up so long +in the presence of Mrs Mason. But Ruth Hilton sprang to the large old +window, and pressed against it as a bird presses against the bars of +its cage. She put back the blind, and gazed into the quiet moonlight +night. It was doubly light--almost as much so as day--for everything +was covered with the deep snow which had been falling silently ever +since the evening before. The window was in a square recess; the old +strange little panes of glass had been replaced by those which gave +more light. A little distance off, the feathery branches of a larch +waved softly to and fro in the scarcely perceptible night-breeze. +Poor old larch! the time had been when it had stood in a pleasant +lawn, with the tender grass creeping caressingly up to its very +trunk; but now the lawn was divided into yards and squalid +back premises, and the larch was pent up and girded about with +flag-stones. The snow lay thick on its boughs, and now and then fell +noiselessly down. The old stables had been added to, and altered into +a dismal street of mean-looking houses, back to back with the ancient +mansions. And over all these changes from grandeur to squalor, bent +down the purple heavens with their unchanging splendour! + +Ruth pressed her hot forehead against the cold glass, and strained +her aching eyes in gazing out on the lovely sky of a winter's night. +The impulse was strong upon her to snatch up a shawl, and wrapping it +round her head, to sally forth and enjoy the glory; and time was when +that impulse would have been instantly followed; but now, Ruth's eyes +filled with tears, and she stood quite still, dreaming of the days +that were gone. Some one touched her shoulder while her thoughts were +far away, remembering past January nights, which had resembled this, +and were yet so different. + +"Ruth, love," whispered a girl who had unwillingly distinguished +herself by a long hard fit of coughing, "come and have some supper. +You don't know yet how it helps one through the night." + +"One run--one blow of the fresh air would do me more good," said +Ruth. + +"Not such a night as this," replied the other, shivering at the very +thought. + +"And why not such a night as this, Jenny?" answered Ruth. "Oh! at +home I have many a time run up the lane all the way to the mill, just +to see the icicles hang on the great wheel; and when I was once out, +I could hardly find in my heart to come in, even to mother, sitting +by the fire;--even to mother," she added, in a low, melancholy tone, +which had something of inexpressible sadness in it. "Why, Jenny!" +said she, rousing herself, but not before her eyes were swimming +with tears, "own, now, that you never saw those dismal, hateful, +tumble-down old houses there look half so--what shall I call them? +almost beautiful--as they do now, with that soft, pure, exquisite +covering; and if they are so improved, think of what trees, and +grass, and ivy must be on such a night as this." + +Jenny could not be persuaded into admiring the winter's night, which +to her came only as a cold and dismal time, when her cough was more +troublesome, and the pain in her side worse than usual. But she put +her arm round Ruth's neck, and stood by her, glad that the orphan +apprentice, who was not yet inured to the hardship of a dressmaker's +workroom, should find so much to give her pleasure in such a common +occurrence as a frosty night. + +They remained deep in separate trains of thought till Mrs Mason's +step was heard, when each returned, supperless but refreshed, to her +seat. + +Ruth's place was the coldest and the darkest in the room, although +she liked it the best; she had instinctively chosen it for the sake +of the wall opposite to her, on which was a remnant of the beauty +of the old drawing-room, which must once have been magnificent, to +judge from the faded specimen left. It was divided into panels of +pale sea-green, picked out with white and gold; and on these panels +were painted--were thrown with the careless, triumphant hand of a +master--the most lovely wreaths of flowers, profuse and luxuriant +beyond description, and so real-looking, that you could almost +fancy you smelt their fragrance, and heard the south wind go softly +rustling in and out among the crimson roses--the branches of purple +and white lilac--the floating golden-tressed laburnum boughs. +Besides these, there were stately white lilies, sacred to the +Virgin--hollyhocks, fraxinella, monk's-hood, pansies, primroses; +every flower which blooms profusely in charming old-fashioned country +gardens was there, depicted among its graceful foliage, but not in +the wild disorder in which I have enumerated them. At the bottom of +the panel lay a holly-branch, whose stiff straightness was ornamented +by a twining drapery of English ivy and mistletoe and winter aconite; +while down either side hung pendant garlands of spring and autumn +flowers; and, crowning all, came gorgeous summer with the sweet +musk-roses, and the rich-coloured flowers of June and July. + +Surely Monnoyer, or whoever the dead and gone artist might be, would +have been gratified to know the pleasure his handiwork, even in its +wane, had power to give to the heavy heart of a young girl; for they +conjured up visions of other sister-flowers that grew, and blossomed, +and withered away in her early home. + +Mrs Mason was particularly desirous that her workwomen should exert +themselves to-night, for, on the next, the annual hunt-ball was to +take place. It was the one gaiety of the town since the assize-balls +had been discontinued. Many were the dresses she had promised should +be sent home "without fail" the next morning; she had not let one +slip through her fingers, for fear, if it did, it might fall into the +hands of the rival dressmaker, who had just established herself in +the very same street. + +She determined to administer a gentle stimulant to the flagging +spirits, and with a little preliminary cough to attract attention, +she began: + +"I may as well inform you, young ladies, that I have been requested +this year, as on previous occasions, to allow some of my young people +to attend in the ante-chamber of the assembly-room with sandal +ribbon, pins, and such little matters, and to be ready to repair any +accidental injury to the ladies' dresses. I shall send four--of the +most diligent." She laid a marked emphasis on the last words, but +without much effect; they were too sleepy to care for any of the +pomps and vanities, or, indeed, for any of the comforts of this +world, excepting one sole thing--their beds. + +Mrs Mason was a very worthy woman, but, like many other worthy women, +she had her foibles; and one (very natural to her calling) was to +pay an extreme regard to appearances. Accordingly, she had already +selected in her own mind the four girls who were most likely to do +credit to the "establishment;" and these were secretly determined +upon, although it was very well to promise the reward to the most +diligent. She was really not aware of the falseness of this conduct; +being an adept in that species of sophistry with which people +persuade themselves that what they wish to do is right. + +At last there was no resisting the evidence of weariness. They were +told to go to bed; but even that welcome command was languidly +obeyed. Slowly they folded up their work, heavily they moved about, +until at length all was put away, and they trooped up the wide, dark +staircase. + +"Oh! how shall I get through five years of these terrible nights! in +that close room! and in that oppressive stillness! which lets every +sound of the thread be heard as it goes eternally backwards and +forwards," sobbed out Ruth, as she threw herself on her bed, without +even undressing herself. + +"Nay, Ruth, you know it won't be always as it has been to-night. We +often get to bed by ten o'clock; and by-and-by you won't mind the +closeness of the room. You're worn out to-night, or you would not +have minded the sound of the needle; I never hear it. Come, let me +unfasten you," said Jenny. + +"What is the use of undressing? We must be up again and at work in +three hours." + +"And in those three hours you may get a great deal of rest, if you +will but undress yourself and fairly go to bed. Come, love." + +Jenny's advice was not resisted; but before Ruth went to sleep, she +said: + +"Oh! I wish I was not so cross and impatient. I don't think I used to +be." + +"No, I am sure not. Most new girls get impatient at first; but it +goes off, and they don't care much for anything after awhile. Poor +child! she's asleep already," said Jenny to herself. + +She could not sleep or rest. The tightness at her side was worse than +usual. She almost thought she ought to mention it in her letters +home; but then she remembered the premium her father had struggled +hard to pay, and the large family, younger than herself, that had to +be cared for, and she determined to bear on, and trust that when the +warm weather came both the pain and the cough would go away. She +would be prudent about herself. + +What was the matter with Ruth? She was crying in her sleep as if her +heart would break. Such agitated slumber could be no rest; so Jenny +wakened her. + +"Ruth! Ruth!" + +"Oh, Jenny!" said Ruth, sitting up in bed, and pushing back the +masses of hair that were heating her forehead, "I thought I saw mamma +by the side of the bed, coming, as she used to do, to see if I were +asleep and comfortable; and when I tried to take hold of her, she +went away and left me alone--I don't know where; so strange!" + +"It was only a dream; you know you'd been talking about her to me, +and you're feverish with sitting up late. Go to sleep again, and I'll +watch, and waken you if you seem uneasy." + +"But you'll be so tired. Oh, dear! dear!" Ruth was asleep again, even +while she sighed. + +Morning came, and though their rest had been short, the girls arose +refreshed. + +"Miss Sutton, Miss Jennings, Miss Booth, and Miss Hilton, you will +see that you are ready to accompany me to the shire-hall by eight +o'clock." + +One or two of the girls looked astonished, but the majority, +having anticipated the selection, and knowing from experience the +unexpressed rule by which it was made, received it with the sullen +indifference which had become their feeling with regard to most +events--a deadened sense of life, consequent upon their unnatural +mode of existence, their sedentary days, and their frequent nights of +late watching. + +But to Ruth it was inexplicable. She had yawned, and loitered, and +looked off at the beautiful panel, and lost herself in thoughts of +home, until she fully expected the reprimand which at any other time +she would have been sure to receive, and now, to her surprise, she +was singled out as one of the most diligent! + +Much as she longed for the delight of seeing the noble +shire-hall--the boast of the county--and of catching glimpses of the +dancers, and hearing the band; much as she longed for some variety to +the dull, monotonous life she was leading, she could not feel happy +to accept a privilege, granted, as she believed, in ignorance of the +real state of the case; so she startled her companions by rising +abruptly and going up to Mrs Mason, who was finishing a dress which +ought to have been sent home two hours before: + +"If you please, Mrs Mason, I was not one of the most diligent; I am +afraid--I believe--I was not diligent at all. I was very tired; and +I could not help thinking, and when I think, I can't attend to my +work." She stopped, believing she had sufficiently explained her +meaning; but Mrs Mason would not understand, and did not wish for any +further elucidation. + +"Well, my dear, you must learn to think and work too; or, if you +can't do both, you must leave off thinking. Your guardian, you know, +expects you to make great progress in your business, and I am sure +you won't disappoint him." + +But that was not to the point. Ruth stood still an instant, although +Mrs Mason resumed her employment in a manner which any one but a "new +girl" would have known to be intelligible enough, that she did not +wish for any more conversation just then. + +"But as I was not diligent I ought not to go, ma'am. Miss Wood was +far more industrious than I, and many of the others." + +"Tiresome girl!" muttered Mrs Mason; "I've half a mind to keep her +at home for plaguing me so." But, looking up, she was struck afresh +with the remarkable beauty which Ruth possessed; such a credit to the +house, with her waving outline of figure, her striking face, with +dark eyebrows and dark lashes, combined with auburn hair and a fair +complexion. No! diligent or idle, Ruth Hilton must appear to-night. + +"Miss Hilton," said Mrs Mason, with stiff dignity, "I am not +accustomed (as these young ladies can tell you) to have my decisions +questioned. What I say, I mean; and I have my reasons. So sit down, +if you please, and take care and be ready by eight. Not a word more," +as she fancied she saw Ruth again about to speak. + +"Jenny! you ought to have gone, not me," said Ruth, in no low voice +to Miss Wood, as she sat down by her. + +"Hush! Ruth. I could not go if I might, because of my cough. I would +rather give it up to you than any one, if it were mine to give. And +suppose it is, and take the pleasure as my present, and tell me every +bit about it when you come home to-night." + +"Well! I shall take it in that way, and not as if I'd earned it, +which I haven't. So thank you. You can't think how I shall enjoy it +now. I did work diligently for five minutes last night, after I heard +of it, I wanted to go so much. But I could not keep it up. Oh, dear! +and I shall really hear a band! and see the inside of that beautiful +shire-hall!" + + + + +CHAPTER II + +Ruth Goes to the Shire-Hall + + +In due time that evening, Mrs Mason collected "her young ladies" +for an inspection of their appearance before proceeding to the +shire-hall. Her eager, important, hurried manner of summoning them +was not unlike that of a hen clucking her chickens together; and to +judge from the close investigation they had to undergo, it might have +been thought that their part in the evening's performance was to be +far more important than that of temporary ladies'-maids. + +"Is that your best frock, Miss Hilton?" asked Mrs Mason, in a +half-dissatisfied tone, turning Ruth about; for it was only her +Sunday black silk, and was somewhat worn and shabby. + +"Yes, ma'am," answered Ruth, quietly. + +"Oh! indeed. Then it will do" (still the half-satisfied tone). +"Dress, young ladies, you know, is a very secondary consideration. +Conduct is everything. Still, Miss Hilton, I think you should write +and ask your guardian to send you money for another gown. I am sorry +I did not think of it before." + +"I do not think he would send any if I wrote," answered Ruth, in a +low voice. "He was angry when I wanted a shawl, when the cold weather +set in." + +Mrs Mason gave her a little push of dismissal, and Ruth fell into the +ranks by her friend, Miss Wood. + +"Never mind, Ruthie; you're prettier than any of them," said a merry, +good-natured girl, whose plainness excluded her from any of the envy +of rivalry. + +"Yes! I know I am pretty," said Ruth, sadly, "but I am sorry I have +no better gown, for this is very shabby. I am ashamed of it myself, +and I can see Mrs Mason is twice as much ashamed. I wish I need not +go. I did not know we should have to think about our own dress at +all, or I should not have wished to go." + +"Never mind, Ruth," said Jenny, "you've been looked at now, and Mrs +Mason will soon be too busy to think about you and your gown." + +"Did you hear Ruth Hilton say she knew she was pretty?" whispered one +girl to another, so loudly that Ruth caught the words. + +"I could not help knowing," answered she, simply, "for many people +have told me so." + +At length these preliminaries were over, and they were walking +briskly through the frosty air; the free motion was so inspiriting +that Ruth almost danced along, and quite forgot all about shabby +gowns and grumbling guardians. The shire-hall was even more striking +than she had expected. The sides of the staircase were painted with +figures that showed ghostly in the dim light, for only their faces +looked out of the dark, dingy canvas, with a strange fixed stare of +expression. + +The young milliners had to arrange their wares on tables in the +ante-room, and make all ready before they could venture to peep +into the ball-room, where the musicians were already tuning their +instruments, and where one or two char-women (strange contrast! with +their dirty, loose attire, and their incessant chatter, to the grand +echoes of the vaulted room) were completing the dusting of benches +and chairs. + +They quitted the place as Ruth and her companions entered. They had +talked lightly and merrily in the ante-room, but now their voices +were hushed, awed by the old magnificence of the vast apartment. It +was so large, that objects showed dim at the further end, as through +a mist. Full-length figures of county worthies hung around, in all +varieties of costume, from the days of Holbein to the present time. +The lofty roof was indistinct, for the lamps were not fully lighted +yet; while through the richly-painted Gothic window at one end the +moonbeams fell, many-tinted, on the floor, and mocked with their +vividness the struggles of the artificial light to illuminate its +little sphere. + +High above sounded the musicians, fitfully trying some strain of +which they were not certain. Then they stopped playing and talked, +and their voices sounded goblin-like in their dark recess, where +candles were carried about in an uncertain wavering manner, reminding +Ruth of the flickering zigzag motion of the will-o'-the-wisp. + +Suddenly the room sprang into the full blaze of light, and Ruth felt +less impressed with its appearance, and more willing to obey Mrs +Mason's sharp summons to her wandering flock, than she had been +when it was dim and mysterious. They had presently enough to do in +rendering offices of assistance to the ladies who thronged in, and +whose voices drowned all the muffled sound of the band Ruth had +longed so much to hear. Still, if one pleasure was less, another was +greater than she had anticipated. + +"On condition" of such a number of little observances that Ruth +thought Mrs Mason would never have ended enumerating them, they were +allowed during the dances to stand at a side-door and watch. And what +a beautiful sight it was! Floating away to that bounding music--now +far away, like garlands of fairies, now near, and showing as lovely +women, with every ornament of graceful dress--the elite of the county +danced on, little caring whose eyes gazed and were dazzled. Outside +all was cold, and colourless, and uniform, one coating of snow over +all. But inside it was warm, and glowing, and vivid; flowers scented +the air, and wreathed the head, and rested on the bosom, as if it +were midsummer. Bright colours flashed on the eye and were gone, and +succeeded by others as lovely in the rapid movement of the dance. +Smiles dimpled every face, and low tones of happiness murmured +indistinctly through the room in every pause of the music. + +Ruth did not care to separate the figures that formed a joyous and +brilliant whole; it was enough to gaze, and dream of the happy +smoothness of the lives in which such music, and such profusion of +flowers, of jewels, elegance of every description, and beauty of all +shapes and hues, were everyday things. She did not want to know who +the people were; although to hear a catalogue of names seemed to be +the great delight of most of her companions. + +In fact, the enumeration rather disturbed her; and to avoid the shock +of too rapid a descent into the commonplace world of Miss Smiths and +Mr Thomsons, she returned to her post in the ante-room. There she +stood thinking, or dreaming. She was startled back to actual life by +a voice close to her. One of the dancing young ladies had met with a +misfortune. Her dress, of some gossamer material, had been looped up +by nosegays of flowers, and one of these had fallen off in the dance, +leaving her gown to trail. To repair this, she had begged her partner +to bring her to the room where the assistants should have been. None +were there but Ruth. + +"Shall I leave you?" asked the gentleman. "Is my absence necessary?" + +"Oh, no!" replied the lady. "A few stitches will set all to rights. +Besides, I dare not enter that room by myself." So far she spoke +sweetly and prettily. But now she addressed Ruth. "Make haste. Don't +keep me an hour." And her voice became cold and authoritative. + +She was very pretty, with long dark ringlets and sparkling black +eyes. These had struck Ruth in the hasty glance she had taken, before +she knelt down to her task. She also saw that the gentleman was young +and elegant. + +"Oh, that lovely galop! How I long to dance to it! Will it never be +done? What a frightful time you are taking; and I'm dying to return +in time for this galop!" + +By way of showing a pretty, childlike impatience, she began to beat +time with her feet to the spirited air the band was playing. Ruth +could not darn the rent in her dress with this continual motion, and +she looked up to remonstrate. As she threw her head back for this +purpose, she caught the eye of the gentleman who was standing by; it +was so expressive of amusement at the airs and graces of his pretty +partner, that Ruth was infected by the feeling, and had to bend her +face down to conceal the smile that mantled there. But not before +he had seen it, and not before his attention had been thereby drawn +to consider the kneeling figure, that, habited in black up to the +throat, with the noble head bent down to the occupation in which +she was engaged, formed such a contrast to the flippant, bright, +artificial girl who sat to be served with an air as haughty as a +queen on her throne. + +"Oh, Mr Bellingham! I'm ashamed to detain you so long. I had no idea +any one could have spent so much time over a little tear. No wonder +Mrs Mason charges so much for dress-making, if her work-women are so +slow." + +It was meant to be witty, but Mr Bellingham looked grave. He saw the +scarlet colour of annoyance flush to that beautiful cheek which was +partially presented to him. He took a candle from the table, and held +it so that Ruth had more light. She did not look up to thank him, for +she felt ashamed that he should have seen the smile which she had +caught from him. + +"I am sorry I have been so long, ma'am," said she, gently, as she +finished her work. "I was afraid it might tear out again if I did not +do it carefully." She rose. + +"I would rather have had it torn than have missed that charming +galop," said the young lady, shaking out her dress as a bird shakes +its plumage. "Shall we go, Mr Bellingham?" looking up at him. + +He was surprised that she gave no word or sign of thanks to the +assistant. He took up a camellia that some one had left on the table. + +"Allow me, Miss Duncombe, to give this in your name to this young +lady, as thanks for her dexterous help." + +"Oh--of course," said she. + +Ruth received the flower silently, but with a grave, modest motion of +her head. They had gone, and she was once more alone. Presently, her +companions returned. + +"What was the matter with Miss Duncombe? Did she come here?" asked +they. + +"Only her lace dress was torn, and I mended it," answered Ruth, +quietly. + +"Did Mr Bellingham come with her? They say he's going to be married +to her; did he come, Ruth?" + +"Yes," said Ruth, and relapsed into silence. + +Mr Bellingham danced on gaily and merrily through the night, and +flirted with Miss Duncombe, as he thought good. But he looked often +to the side-door where the milliner's apprentices stood; and once he +recognised the tall, slight figure, and the rich auburn hair of the +girl in black; and then his eye sought for the camellia. It was +there, snowy white in her bosom. And he danced on more gaily than +ever. + +The cold grey dawn was drearily lighting up the streets when Mrs +Mason and her company returned home. The lamps were extinguished, yet +the shutters of the shops and dwelling-houses were not opened. All +sounds had an echo unheard by day. One or two houseless beggars sat +on doorsteps, and, shivering, slept, with heads bowed on their knees, +or resting against the cold hard support afforded by the wall. + +Ruth felt as if a dream had melted away, and she were once more in +the actual world. How long it would be, even in the most favourable +chance, before she should again enter the shire-hall! or hear a band +of music! or even see again those bright, happy people--as much +without any semblance of care or woe as if they belonged to another +race of beings. Had they ever to deny themselves a wish, much less +a want? Literally and figuratively, their lives seemed to wander +through flowery pleasure-paths. Here was cold, biting mid-winter +for her, and such as her--for those poor beggars almost a season of +death; but to Miss Duncombe and her companions, a happy, merry time, +when flowers still bloomed, and fires crackled, and comforts and +luxuries were piled around them like fairy gifts. What did they know +of the meaning of the word, so terrific to the poor? What was winter +to them? But Ruth fancied that Mr Bellingham looked as if he could +understand the feelings of those removed from him by circumstance +and station. He had drawn up the windows of his carriage, it is true, +with a shudder. + +Ruth, then, had been watching him. + +Yet she had no idea that any association made her camellia precious +to her. She believed it was solely on account of its exquisite beauty +that she tended it so carefully. She told Jenny every particular of +its presentation, with open, straight-looking eye, and without the +deepening of a shade of colour. + +"Was it not kind of him? You can't think how nicely he did it, just +when I was a little bit mortified by her ungracious ways." + +"It was very nice, indeed," replied Jenny. "Such a beautiful flower! +I wish it had some scent." + +"I wish it to be exactly as it is; it is perfect. So pure!" said +Ruth, almost clasping her treasure as she placed it in water. "Who is +Mr Bellingham?" + +"He is son to that Mrs Bellingham of the Priory, for whom we made the +grey satin pelisse," answered Jenny, sleepily. + +"That was before my time," said Ruth. But there was no answer. Jenny +was asleep. + +It was long before Ruth followed her example. Even on a winter day, +it was clear morning light that fell upon her face as she smiled in +her slumber. Jenny would not waken her, but watched her face with +admiration; it was so lovely in its happiness. + +"She is dreaming of last night," thought Jenny. + +It was true she was; but one figure flitted more than all the rest +through her visions. He presented flower after flower to her in that +baseless morning dream, which was all too quickly ended. The night +before, she had seen her dead mother in her sleep, and she wakened, +weeping. And now she dreamed of Mr Bellingham, and smiled. + +And yet, was this a more evil dream than the other? + +The realities of life seemed to cut more sharply against her heart +than usual that morning. The late hours of the preceding nights, and +perhaps the excitement of the evening before, had indisposed her to +bear calmly the rubs and crosses which beset all Mrs Mason's young +ladies at times. + +For Mrs Mason, though the first dressmaker in the county, was human +after all; and suffered, like her apprentices, from the same causes +that affected them. This morning she was disposed to find fault +with everything, and everybody. She seemed to have risen with the +determination of putting the world and all that it contained (her +world, at least) to rights before night; and abuses and negligences, +which had long passed unreproved, or winked at, were to-day to +be dragged to light, and sharply reprimanded. Nothing less than +perfection would satisfy Mrs Mason at such times. + +She had her ideas of justice, too; but they were not divinely +beautiful and true ideas; they were something more resembling +a grocer's, or tea-dealer's ideas of equal right. A little +over-indulgence last night was to be balanced by a good deal of +over-severity to-day; and this manner of rectifying previous errors +fully satisfied her conscience. + +Ruth was not inclined for, or capable of, much extra exertion; and it +would have tasked all her powers to have pleased her superior. The +work-room seemed filled with sharp calls. "Miss Hilton! where have +you put the blue Persian? Whenever things are mislaid, I know it has +been Miss Hilton's evening for siding away!" + +"Miss Hilton was going out last night, so I offered to clear the +workroom for her. I will find it directly, ma'am," answered one of +the girls. + +"Oh, I am well aware of Miss Hilton's custom of shuffling off her +duties upon any one who can be induced to relieve her," replied Mrs +Mason. + +Ruth reddened, and tears sprang to her eyes; but she was so conscious +of the falsity of the accusation, that she rebuked herself for being +moved by it, and, raising her head, gave a proud look round, as if in +appeal to her companions. + +"Where is the skirt of Lady Farnham's dress? The flounces not put on! +I am surprised. May I ask to whom this work was entrusted yesterday?" +inquired Mrs Mason, fixing her eyes on Ruth. + +"I was to have done it, but I made a mistake, and had to undo it. I +am very sorry." + +"I might have guessed, certainly. There is little difficulty, to be +sure, in discovering, when work has been neglected or spoilt, into +whose hands it has fallen." + +Such were the speeches which fell to Ruth's share on this day of all +days, when she was least fitted to bear them with equanimity. + +In the afternoon it was necessary for Mrs Mason to go a few miles +into the country. She left injunctions, and orders, and directions, +and prohibitions without end; but at last she was gone, and in the +relief of her absence, Ruth laid her arms on the table, and, burying +her head, began to cry aloud, with weak, unchecked sobs. + +"Don't cry, Miss Hilton,"--"Ruthie, never mind the old dragon,"--"How +will you bear on for five years, if you don't spirit yourself up +not to care a straw for what she says?"--were some of the modes of +comfort and sympathy administered by the young workwomen. + +Jenny, with a wiser insight into the grievance and its remedy, said: + +"Suppose Ruth goes out instead of you, Fanny Barton, to do the +errands. The fresh air will do her good; and you know you dislike the +cold east winds, while Ruth says she enjoys frost and snow, and all +kinds of shivery weather." + +Fanny Barton was a great sleepy-looking girl, huddling over the +fire. No one so willing as she to relinquish the walk on this bleak +afternoon, when the east wind blew keenly down the street, drying up +the very snow itself. There was no temptation to come abroad, for +those who were not absolutely obliged to leave their warm rooms; +indeed, the dusk hour showed that it was the usual tea-time for the +humble inhabitants of that part of the town through which Ruth had to +pass on her shopping expedition. As she came to the high ground just +above the river, where the street sloped rapidly down to the bridge, +she saw the flat country beyond all covered with snow, making the +black dome of the cloud-laden sky appear yet blacker; as if the +winter's night had never fairly gone away, but had hovered on the +edge of the world all through the short bleak day. Down by the bridge +(where there was a little shelving bank, used as a landing-place for +any pleasure-boats that could float on that shallow stream) some +children were playing, and defying the cold; one of them had got a +large washing-tub, and with the use of a broken oar kept steering and +pushing himself hither and thither in the little creek, much to the +admiration of his companions, who stood gravely looking on, immovable +in their attentive observation of the hero, although their faces were +blue with cold, and their hands crammed deep into their pockets with +some faint hope of finding warmth there. Perhaps they feared that, if +they unpacked themselves from their lumpy attitudes and began to move +about, the cruel wind would find its way into every cranny of their +tattered dress. They were all huddled up, and still; with eyes +intent on the embryo sailor. At last, one little man, envious of the +reputation that his playfellow was acquiring by his daring, called +out: + +"I'll set thee a craddy, Tom! Thou dar'n't go over yon black line in +the water, out into the real river." + +Of course the challenge was not to be refused, and Tom paddled away +towards the dark line, beyond which the river swept with smooth, +steady current. Ruth (a child in years herself) stood at the top of +the declivity watching the adventurer, but as unconscious of any +danger as the group of children below. At their playfellow's success, +they broke through the calm gravity of observation into boisterous +marks of applause, clapping their hands, and stamping their impatient +little feet, and shouting, "Well done, Tom; thou hast done it +rarely!" + +Tom stood in childish dignity for a moment, facing his admirers; +then, in an instant, his washing-tub boat was whirled round, and he +lost his balance, and fell out; and both he and his boat were carried +away slowly, but surely, by the strong full river which eternally +moved onwards to the sea. + +The children shrieked aloud with terror; and Ruth flew down to the +little bay, and far into its shallow waters, before she felt how +useless such an action was, and that the sensible plan would have +been to seek for efficient help. Hardly had this thought struck her, +when, louder and sharper than the sullen roar of the stream that was +ceaselessly and unrelentingly flowing on, came the splash of a horse +galloping through the water in which she was standing. Past her like +lightning--down in the stream, swimming along with the current--a +stooping rider--an outstretched, grasping arm--a little life +redeemed, and a child saved to those who loved it! Ruth stood dizzy +and sick with emotion while all this took place; and when the rider +turned his swimming horse, and slowly breasted up the river to the +landing-place, she recognised him as the Mr Bellingham of the night +before. He carried the unconscious child across his horse; the body +hung in so lifeless a manner that Ruth believed it was dead, and her +eyes were suddenly blinded with tears. She waded back to the beach, +to the point towards which Mr Bellingham was directing his horse. + +"Is he dead?" asked she, stretching out her arms to receive the +little fellow; for she instinctively felt that the position in which +he hung was not the most conducive to returning consciousness, if, +indeed, it would ever return. + +"I think not," answered Mr Bellingham, as he gave the child to her, +before springing off his horse. "Is he your brother? Do you know who +he is?" + +"Look!" said Ruth, who had sat down upon the ground, the better to +prop the poor lad, "his hand twitches! he lives! oh, sir, he lives! +Whose boy is he?" (to the people, who came hurrying and gathering to +the spot at the rumour of an accident). + +"He's old Nelly Brownson's," said they. "Her grandson." + +"We must take him into a house directly," said she. "Is his home far +off?" + +"No, no; it's just close by." + +"One of you go for a doctor at once," said Mr Bellingham, +authoritatively, "and bring him to the old woman's without delay. You +must not hold him any longer," he continued, speaking to Ruth, and +remembering her face now for the first time; "your dress is dripping +wet already. Here! you fellow, take him up, d'ye see!" + +But the child's hand had nervously clenched Ruth's dress, and she +would not have him disturbed. She carried her heavy burden very +tenderly towards a mean little cottage indicated by the neighbours; +an old crippled woman was coming out of the door, shaking all over +with agitation. + +"Dear heart!" said she, "he's the last of 'em all, and he's gone +afore me." + +"Nonsense," said Mr Bellingham, "the boy is alive, and likely to +live." + +But the old woman was helpless and hopeless, and insisted on +believing that her grandson was dead; and dead he would have been +if it had not been for Ruth, and one or two of the more sensible +neighbours, who, under Mr Bellingham's directions, bustled about, and +did all that was necessary until animation was restored. + +"What a confounded time these people are in fetching the doctor," +said Mr Bellingham to Ruth, between whom and himself a sort of +silent understanding had sprung up from the circumstance of their +having been the only two (besides mere children) who had witnessed +the accident, and also the only two to whom a certain degree of +cultivation had given the power of understanding each other's +thoughts and even each other's words. + +"It takes so much to knock an idea into such stupid people's heads. +They stood gaping and asking which doctor they were to go for, as if +it signified whether it was Brown or Smith, so long as he had his +wits about him. I have no more time to waste here, either; I was on +the gallop when I caught sight of the lad; and, now he has fairly +sobbed and opened his eyes, I see no use in my staying in this +stifling atmosphere. May I trouble you with one thing? Will you be +so good as to see that the little fellow has all that he wants? If +you'll allow me, I'll leave you my purse," continued he, giving it to +Ruth, who was only too glad to have this power entrusted to her of +procuring one or two requisites which she had perceived to be wanted. +But she saw some gold between the net-work; she did not like the +charge of such riches. + +"I shall not want so much, really, sir. One sovereign will be +plenty--more than enough. May I take that out, and I will give you +back what is left of it when I see you again? or, perhaps I had +better send it to you, sir?" + +"I think you had better keep it all at present. Oh! what a horrid +dirty place this is; insufferable two minutes longer. You must not +stay here; you'll be poisoned with this abominable air. Come towards +the door, I beg. Well, if you think one sovereign will be enough, I +will take my purse; only, remember you apply to me if you think they +want more." + +They were standing at the door, where some one was holding Mr +Bellingham's horse. Ruth was looking at him with her earnest eyes +(Mrs Mason and her errands quite forgotten in the interest of +the afternoon's event), her whole thoughts bent upon rightly +understanding and following out his wishes for the little boy's +welfare; and until now this had been the first object in his own +mind. But at this moment the strong perception of Ruth's exceeding +beauty came again upon him. He almost lost the sense of what he was +saying, he was so startled into admiration. The night before, he had +not seen her eyes; and now they looked straight and innocently full +at him, grave, earnest, and deep. But when she instinctively read the +change in the expression of his countenance, she dropped her large +white veiling lids; and he thought her face was lovelier still. + +The irresistible impulse seized him to arrange matters so that he +might see her again before long. + +"No!" said he. "I see it would be better that you should keep +the purse. Many things may be wanted for the lad which we cannot +calculate upon now. If I remember rightly, there are three sovereigns +and some loose change; I shall, perhaps, see you again in a few days, +when, if there be any money left in the purse, you can restore it to +me." + +"Oh, yes, sir," said Ruth, alive to the magnitude of the wants to +which she might have to administer, and yet rather afraid of the +responsibility implied in the possession of so much money. + +"Is there any chance of my meeting you again in this house?" asked +he. + +"I hope to come whenever I can, sir; but I must run in errand-times, +and I don't know when my turn may be." + +"Oh"--he did not fully understand this answer--"I should like to know +how you think the boy is going on, if it is not giving you too much +trouble; do you ever take walks?" + +"Not for walking's sake, sir." + +"Well!" said he, "you go to church, I suppose? Mrs Mason does not +keep you at work on Sundays, I trust?" + +"Oh, no, sir. I go to church regularly." + +"Then, perhaps, you will be so good as to tell me what church you go +to, and I will meet you there next Sunday afternoon?" + +"I go to St Nicholas', sir. I will take care and bring you word how +the boy is, and what doctor they get; and I will keep an account of +the money I spend." + +"Very well; thank you. Remember, I trust to you." + +He meant that he relied on her promise to meet him; but Ruth thought +that he was referring to the responsibility of doing the best she +could for the child. He was going away, when a fresh thought struck +him, and he turned back into the cottage once more, and addressed +Ruth, with a half smile on his countenance: + +"It seems rather strange, but we have no one to introduce us; my name +is Bellingham--yours is--?" + +"Ruth Hilton, sir," she answered, in a low voice, for, now that +the conversation no longer related to the boy, she felt shy and +restrained. + +He held out his hand to shake hers, and just as she gave it to him, +the old grandmother came tottering up to ask some question. The +interruption jarred upon him, and made him once more keenly alive to +the closeness of the air, and the squalor and dirt by which he was +surrounded. + +"My good woman," said he to Nelly Brownson, "could you not keep your +place a little neater and cleaner? It is more fit for pigs than human +beings. The air in this room is quite offensive, and the dirt and +filth is really disgraceful." + +By this time he was mounted, and, bowing to Ruth, he rode away. + +Then the old woman's wrath broke out. + +"Who may you be, that knows no better manners than to come into a +poor woman's house to abuse it?--fit for pigs, indeed! What d'ye call +yon fellow?" + +"He is Mr Bellingham," said Ruth, shocked at the old woman's apparent +ingratitude. "It was he that rode into the water to save your +grandson. He would have been drowned but for Mr Bellingham. I thought +once they would both have been swept away by the current, it was so +strong." + +"The river is none so deep, either," the old woman said, anxious to +diminish as much as possible the obligation she was under to one who +had offended her. "Some one else would have saved him, if this fine +young spark had never been near. He's an orphan, and God watches over +orphans, they say. I'd rather it had been any one else as had picked +him out, than one who comes into a poor body's house only to abuse +it." + +"He did not come in only to abuse it," said Ruth, gently. "He came +with little Tom; he only said it was not quite so clean as it might +be." + +"What! you're taking up the cry, are you? Wait till you are an old +woman like me, crippled with rheumatiz, and a lad to see after like +Tom, who is always in mud when he isn't in water; and his food and +mine to scrape together (God knows we're often short, and do the best +I can), and water to fetch up that steep brow." + +She stopped to cough; and Ruth judiciously changed the subject, and +began to consult the old woman as to the wants of her grandson, in +which consultation they were soon assisted by the medical man. + +When Ruth had made one or two arrangements with a neighbour, whom she +asked to procure the most necessary things, and had heard from the +doctor that all would be right in a day or two, she began to quake +at the recollection of the length of time she had spent at Nelly +Brownson's, and to remember, with some affright, the strict watch +kept by Mrs Mason over her apprentices' out-goings and in-comings on +working days. She hurried off to the shops, and tried to recall her +wandering thoughts to the respective merits of pink and blue as a +match to lilac, found she had lost her patterns, and went home with +ill-chosen things, and in a fit of despair at her own stupidity. + +The truth was, that the afternoon's adventure filled her mind; only, +the figure of Tom (who was now safe, and likely to do well) was +receding into the background, and that of Mr Bellingham becoming +more prominent than it had been. His spirited and natural action of +galloping into the water to save the child, was magnified by Ruth +into the most heroic deed of daring; his interest about the boy +was tender, thoughtful benevolence in her eyes, and his careless +liberality of money was fine generosity; for she forgot that +generosity implies some degree of self-denial. She was gratified, +too, by the power of dispensing comfort he had entrusted to her, +and was busy with Alnaschar visions of wise expenditure, when the +necessity of opening Mrs Mason's house-door summoned her back into +actual present life, and the dread of an immediate scolding. + +For this time, however, she was spared; but spared for such a reason +that she would have been thankful for some blame in preference to +her impunity. During her absence, Jenny's difficulty of breathing +had suddenly become worse, and the girls had, on their own +responsibility, put her to bed, and were standing round her in +dismay, when Mrs Mason's return home (only a few minutes before Ruth +arrived) fluttered them back into the workroom. + +And now, all was confusion and hurry; a doctor to be sent for; a mind +to be unburdened of directions for a dress to a forewoman, who was +too ill to understand; scoldings to be scattered with no illiberal +hand amongst a group of frightened girls, hardly sparing the poor +invalid herself for her inopportune illness. In the middle of all +this turmoil, Ruth crept quietly to her place, with a heavy saddened +heart at the indisposition of the gentle forewoman. She would gladly +have nursed Jenny herself, and often longed to do it, but she could +not be spared. Hands, unskilful in fine and delicate work, would be +well enough qualified to tend the sick, until the mother arrived from +home. Meanwhile, extra diligence was required in the workroom; and +Ruth found no opportunity of going to see little Tom, or to fulfil +the plans for making him and his grandmother more comfortable, which +she had proposed to herself. She regretted her rash promise to Mr +Bellingham, of attending to the little boy's welfare; all that she +could do was done by means of Mrs Mason's servant, through whom she +made inquiries, and sent the necessary help. + +The subject of Jenny's illness was the prominent one in the house. +Ruth told of her own adventure, to be sure; but when she was at the +very crisis of the boy's fall into the river, the more fresh and +vivid interest of some tidings of Jenny was brought into the room, +and Ruth ceased, almost blaming herself for caring for anything +besides the question of life or death to be decided in that very +house. + +Then a pale, gentle-looking woman was seen moving softly about; and +it was whispered that this was the mother come to nurse her child. +Everybody liked her, she was so sweet-looking, and gave so little +trouble, and seemed so patient, and so thankful for any inquiries +about her daughter, whose illness, it was understood, although its +severity was mitigated, was likely to be long and tedious. While all +the feelings and thoughts relating to Jenny were predominant, Sunday +arrived. Mrs Mason went the accustomed visit to her father's, making +some little show of apology to Mrs Wood for leaving her and her +daughter; the apprentices dispersed to the various friends with whom +they were in the habit of spending the day; and Ruth went to St +Nicholas', with a sorrowful heart, depressed on account of Jenny, and +self-reproachful at having rashly undertaken what she had been unable +to perform. + +As she came out of church, she was joined by Mr Bellingham. She had +half hoped that he might have forgotten the arrangement, and yet she +wished to relieve herself of her responsibility. She knew his step +behind her, and the contending feelings made her heart beat hard, and +she longed to run away. + +"Miss Hilton, I believe," said he, overtaking her, and bowing +forward, so as to catch a sight of her rose-red face. "How is our +little sailor going on? Well, I trust, from the symptoms the other +day." + +"I believe, sir, he is quite well now. I am very sorry, but I have +not been able to go and see him. I am so sorry--I could not help it. +But I have got one or two things through another person. I have put +them down on this slip of paper; and here is your purse, sir, for +I am afraid I can do nothing more for him. We have illness in the +house, and it makes us very busy." + +Ruth had been so much accustomed to blame of late, that she almost +anticipated some remonstrance or reproach now, for not having +fulfilled her promise better. She little guessed that Mr Bellingham +was far more busy trying to devise some excuse for meeting her again, +during the silence that succeeded her speech, than displeased with +her for not bringing a more particular account of the little boy, in +whom he had ceased to feel any interest. + +She repeated, after a minute's pause: + +"I am very sorry I have done so little, sir." + +"Oh, yes, I am sure you have done all you could. It was thoughtless +in me to add to your engagements." + +"He is displeased with me," thought Ruth, "for what he believes to +have been neglect of the boy, whose life he risked his own to save. +If I told all, he would see that I could not do more; but I cannot +tell him all the sorrows and worries that have taken up my time." + +"And yet I am tempted to give you another little commission, if it is +not taking up too much of your time, and presuming too much on your +good-nature," said he, a bright idea having just struck him. "Mrs +Mason lives in Heneage Place, does not she? My mother's ancestors +lived there; and once, when the house was being repaired, she took me +in to show me the old place. There was an old hunting-piece painted +on a panel over one of the chimney-pieces; the figures were portraits +of my ancestors. I have often thought I should like to purchase it, +if it still remained there. Can you ascertain this for me, and bring +me word next Sunday?" + +"Oh, yes, sir," said Ruth, glad that this commission was completely +within her power to execute, and anxious to make up for her previous +seeming neglect. "I'll look directly I get home, and ask Mrs Mason to +write and let you know." + +"Thank you," said he, only half satisfied; "I think perhaps, however, +it might be as well not to trouble Mrs Mason about it; you see, it +would compromise me, and I am not quite determined to purchase the +picture; if you would ascertain whether the painting is there, and +tell me, I would take a little time to reflect, and afterwards I +could apply to Mrs Mason myself." + +"Very well, sir; I will see about it." So they parted. + +Before the next Sunday, Mrs Wood had taken her daughter to her +distant home, to recruit in that quiet place. Ruth watched her down +the street from an upper window, and, sighing deep and long, returned +to the workroom, whence the warning voice and the gentle wisdom had +departed. + + + + +CHAPTER III + +Sunday at Mrs Mason's + + +Mr Bellingham attended afternoon service at St Nicholas' church the +next Sunday. His thoughts had been far more occupied by Ruth than +hers by him, although his appearance upon the scene of her life +was more an event to her than it was to him. He was puzzled by the +impression she had produced on him, though he did not in general +analyse the nature of his feelings, but simply enjoyed them with the +delight which youth takes in experiencing new and strong emotion. + +He was old compared to Ruth, but young as a man; hardly +three-and-twenty. The fact of his being an only child had given +him, as it does to many, a sort of inequality in those parts of the +character which are usually formed by the number of years that a +person has lived. + +The unevenness of discipline to which only children are subjected; +the thwarting, resulting from over-anxiety; the indiscreet +indulgence, arising from a love centred all in one object; had been +exaggerated in his education, probably from the circumstance that his +mother (his only surviving parent) had been similarly situated to +himself. + +He was already in possession of the comparatively small property +he inherited from his father. The estate on which his mother lived +was her own; and her income gave her the means of indulging or +controlling him, after he had grown to man's estate, as her wayward +disposition and her love of power prompted her. + +Had he been double-dealing in his conduct towards her, had he +condescended to humour her in the least, her passionate love for him +would have induced her to strip herself of all her possessions to +add to his dignity or happiness. But although he felt the warmest +affection for her, the regardlessness which she had taught him (by +example, perhaps, more than by precept) of the feelings of others, +was continually prompting him to do things that she, for the time +being, resented as mortal affronts. He would mimic the clergyman she +specially esteemed, even to his very face; he would refuse to visit +her schools for months and months; and, when wearied into going +at last, revenge himself by puzzling the children with the most +ridiculous questions (gravely put) that he could imagine. + +All these boyish tricks annoyed and irritated her far more than the +accounts which reached her of more serious misdoings at college and +in town. Of these grave offences she never spoke; of the smaller +misdeeds she hardly ever ceased speaking. + +Still, at times, she had great influence over him, and nothing +delighted her more than to exercise it. The submission of his will +to hers was sure to be liberally rewarded; for it gave her great +happiness to extort, from his indifference or his affection, the +concessions which she never sought by force of reason, or by appeals +to principle--concessions which he frequently withheld, solely for +the sake of asserting his independence of her control. + +She was anxious for him to marry Miss Duncombe. He cared little or +nothing about it--it was time enough to be married ten years hence; +and so he was dawdling through some months of his life--sometimes +flirting with the nothing-loath Miss Duncombe, sometimes plaguing, +and sometimes delighting his mother, at all times taking care to +please himself--when he first saw Ruth Hilton, and a new, passionate, +hearty feeling shot through his whole being. He did not know why he +was so fascinated by her. She was very beautiful, but he had seen +others equally beautiful, and with many more _agaceries_ calculated +to set off the effect of their charms. + +There was, perhaps, something bewitching in the union of the +grace and loveliness of womanhood with the _naivete_, simplicity, +and innocence of an intelligent child. There was a spell in the +shyness, which made her avoid and shun all admiring approaches to +acquaintance. It would be an exquisite delight to attract and tame +her wildness, just as he had often allured and tamed the timid fawns +in his mother's park. + +By no over-bold admiration, or rash, passionate word, would he +startle her; and, surely, in time she might be induced to look upon +him as a friend, if not something nearer and dearer still. + +In accordance with this determination, he resisted the strong +temptation of walking by her side the whole distance home after +church. He only received the intelligence she brought respecting the +panel with thanks, spoke a few words about the weather, bowed, and +was gone. Ruth believed she should never see him again; and, in spite +of sundry self-upbraidings for her folly, she could not help feeling +as if a shadow were drawn over her existence for several days to +come. + +Mrs Mason was a widow, and had to struggle for the sake of the six or +seven children left dependent on her exertions; thus there was some +reason, and great excuse, for the pinching economy which regulated +her household affairs. + +On Sundays she chose to conclude that all her apprentices had friends +who would be glad to see them to dinner, and give them a welcome +reception for the remainder of the day; while she, and those of +her children who were not at school, went to spend the day at her +father's house, several miles out of the town. Accordingly, no +dinner was cooked on Sundays for the young workwomen; no fires were +lighted in any rooms to which they had access. On this morning they +breakfasted in Mrs Mason's own parlour, after which the room was +closed against them through the day by some understood, though +unspoken prohibition. + +What became of such as Ruth, who had no home and no friends in that +large, populous, desolate town? She had hitherto commissioned the +servant, who went to market on Saturdays for the family, to buy her a +bun or biscuit, whereon she made her fasting dinner in the deserted +workroom, sitting in her walking-dress to keep off the cold, which +clung to her in spite of shawl and bonnet. Then she would sit at +the window, looking out on the dreary prospect till her eyes were +often blinded by tears; and, partly to shake off thoughts and +recollections, the indulgence in which she felt to be productive +of no good, and partly to have some ideas to dwell upon during the +coming week beyond those suggested by the constant view of the same +room, she would carry her Bible, and place herself in the window-seat +on the wide landing, which commanded the street in front of the +house. From thence she could see the irregular grandeur of the place; +she caught a view of the grey church-tower, rising hoary and massive +into mid-air; she saw one or two figures loiter along on the sunny +side of the street, in all the enjoyment of their fine clothes and +Sunday leisure; and she imagined histories for them, and tried to +picture to herself their homes and their daily doings. + +And before long, the bells swung heavily in the church-tower, and +struck out with musical clang the first summons to afternoon church. + +After church was over, she used to return home to the same +window-seat, and watch till the winter twilight was over and gone, +and the stars came out over the black masses of houses. And then she +would steal down to ask for a candle, as a companion to her in the +deserted workroom. Occasionally the servant would bring her up some +tea; but of late Ruth had declined taking any, as she had discovered +she was robbing the kind-hearted creature of part of the small +provision left out for her by Mrs Mason. She sat on, hungry and cold, +trying to read her Bible, and to think the old holy thoughts which +had been her childish meditations at her mother's knee, until one +after another the apprentices returned, weary with their day's +enjoyment, and their week's late watching; too weary to make her in +any way a partaker of their pleasure by entering into details of the +manner in which they had spent their day. + +And last of all, Mrs Mason returned; and, summoning her "young +people" once more into the parlour, she read a prayer before +dismissing them to bed. She always expected to find them all in +the house when she came home, but asked no questions as to their +proceedings through the day; perhaps because she dreaded to hear +that one or two had occasionally nowhere to go, and that it would be +sometimes necessary to order a Sunday's dinner, and leave a lighted +fire on that day. + +For five months Ruth had been an inmate at Mrs Mason's, and such had +been the regular order of the Sundays. While the forewoman stayed +there, it is true, she was ever ready to give Ruth the little variety +of hearing of recreations in which she was no partaker; and however +tired Jenny might be at night, she had ever some sympathy to bestow +on Ruth for the dull length of day she had passed. After her +departure, the monotonous idleness of the Sunday seemed worse to +bear than the incessant labour of the work-days; until the time came +when it seemed to be a recognised hope in her mind, that on Sunday +afternoons she should see Mr Bellingham, and hear a few words from +him, as from a friend who took an interest in her thoughts and +proceedings during the past week. + +Ruth's mother had been the daughter of a poor curate in Norfolk, +and, early left without parents or home, she was thankful to marry +a respectable farmer a good deal older than herself. After their +marriage, however, everything seemed to go wrong. Mrs Hilton fell +into a delicate state of health, and was unable to bestow the +ever-watchful attention to domestic affairs so requisite in a +farmer's wife. Her husband had a series of misfortunes--of a more +important kind than the death of a whole brood of turkeys from +getting among the nettles, or the year of bad cheeses spoilt by a +careless dairymaid--which were the consequences (so the neighbours +said) of Mr Hilton's mistake in marrying a delicate, fine lady. His +crops failed; his horses died; his barn took fire; in short, if he +had been in any way a remarkable character, one might have supposed +him to be the object of an avenging fate, so successive were the +evils which pursued him; but as he was only a somewhat commonplace +farmer, I believe we must attribute his calamities to some want in +his character of the one quality required to act as keystone to many +excellences. While his wife lived, all worldly misfortunes seemed as +nothing to him; her strong sense and lively faculty of hope upheld +him from despair; her sympathy was always ready, and the invalid's +room had an atmosphere of peace and encouragement, which affected all +who entered it. But when Ruth was about twelve, one morning in the +busy hay-time, Mrs Hilton was left alone for some hours. This had +often happened before, nor had she seemed weaker than usual when they +had gone forth to the field; but on their return, with merry voices, +to fetch the dinner prepared for the haymakers, they found an unusual +silence brooding over the house; no low voice called out gently to +welcome them, and ask after the day's progress; and, on entering the +little parlour, which was called Mrs Hilton's, and was sacred to her, +they found her lying dead on her accustomed sofa. Quite calm and +peaceful she lay; there had been no struggle at last; the struggle +was for the survivors, and one sank under it. Her husband did not +make much ado at first--at least, not in outward show; her memory +seemed to keep in check all external violence of grief; but, day by +day, dating from his wife's death, his mental powers decreased. He +was still a hale-looking elderly man, and his bodily health appeared +as good as ever; but he sat for hours in his easy-chair, looking into +the fire, not moving, nor speaking, unless when it was absolutely +necessary to answer repeated questions. If Ruth, with coaxings and +draggings, induced him to come out with her, he went with measured +steps around his fields, his head bent to the ground with the +same abstracted, unseeing look; never smiling--never changing the +expression of his face, not even to one of deeper sadness, when +anything occurred which might be supposed to remind him of his dead +wife. But in this abstraction from all outward things, his worldly +affairs went ever lower down. He paid money away, or received it, as +if it had been so much water; the gold mines of Potosi could not have +touched the deep grief of his soul; but God in His mercy knew the +sure balm, and sent the Beautiful Messenger to take the weary one +home. + +After his death, the creditors were the chief people who appeared to +take any interest in the affairs; and it seemed strange to Ruth to +see people, whom she scarcely knew, examining and touching all that +she had been accustomed to consider as precious and sacred. Her +father had made his will at her birth. With the pride of newly and +late-acquired paternity, he had considered the office of guardian to +his little darling as one which would have been an additional honour +to the lord-lieutenant of the county; but as he had not the pleasure +of his lordship's acquaintance, he selected the person of most +consequence amongst those whom he did know; not any very ambitious +appointment, in those days of comparative prosperity; but certainly +the flourishing maltster of Skelton was a little surprised, when, +fifteen years later, he learnt that he was executor to a will +bequeathing many vanished hundreds of pounds, and guardian to a young +girl whom he could not remember ever to have seen. + +He was a sensible, hard-headed man of the world; having a very fair +proportion of conscience as consciences go; indeed, perhaps more than +many people; for he had some ideas of duty extending to the circle +beyond his own family; and did not, as some would have done, decline +acting altogether, but speedily summoned the creditors, examined +into the accounts, sold up the farming-stock, and discharged all the +debts; paid about L80 into the Skelton bank for a week, while he +inquired for a situation or apprenticeship of some kind for poor +heart-broken Ruth; heard of Mrs Mason's; arranged all with her in two +short conversations; drove over for Ruth in his gig; waited while she +and the old servant packed up her clothes; and grew very impatient +while she ran, with her eyes streaming with tears, round the garden, +tearing off in a passion of love whole boughs of favourite China and +damask roses, late flowering against the casement-window of what +had been her mother's room. When she took her seat in the gig, she +was little able, even if she had been inclined, to profit by her +guardian's lectures on economy and self-reliance; but she was quiet +and silent, looking forward with longing to the night-time, when, in +her bedroom, she might give way to all her passionate sorrow at being +wrenched from the home where she had lived with her parents, in that +utter absence of any anticipation of change, which is either the +blessing or the curse of childhood. But at night there were four +other girls in her room, and she could not cry before them. She +watched and waited till, one by one, they dropped off to sleep, and +then she buried her face in the pillow, and shook with sobbing grief; +and then she paused to conjure up, with fond luxuriance, every +recollection of the happy days, so little valued in their uneventful +peace while they lasted, so passionately regretted when once gone for +ever; to remember every look and word of the dear mother, and to moan +afresh over the change caused by her death;--the first clouding in +of Ruth's day of life. It was Jenny's sympathy on this first night, +when awakened by Ruth's irrepressible agony, that had made the bond +between them. But Ruth's loving disposition, continually sending +forth fibres in search of nutriment, found no other object for regard +among those of her daily life to compensate for the want of natural +ties. + +But, almost insensibly, Jenny's place in Ruth's heart was filled +up; there was some one who listened with tender interest to all +her little revelations; who questioned her about her early days +of happiness, and, in return, spoke of his own childhood--not so +golden in reality as Ruth's, but more dazzling, when recounted +with stories of the beautiful cream-coloured Arabian pony, and the +old picture-gallery in the house, and avenues, and terraces, and +fountains in the garden, for Ruth to paint, with all the vividness +of imagination, as scenery and background for the figure which was +growing by slow degrees most prominent in her thoughts. + +It must not be supposed that this was effected all at once, though +the intermediate stages have been passed over. On Sunday, Mr +Bellingham only spoke to her to receive the information about +the panel; nor did he come to St Nicholas' the next, nor yet the +following Sunday. But the third he walked by her side a little way, +and, seeing her annoyance, he left her; and then she wished for him +back again, and found the day very dreary, and wondered why a strange +undefined feeling had made her imagine she was doing wrong in walking +alongside of one so kind and good as Mr Bellingham; it had been very +foolish of her to be self-conscious all the time, and if ever he +spoke to her again she would not think of what people might say, +but enjoy the pleasure which his kind words and evident interest in +her might give. Then she thought it was very likely he never would +notice her again, for she knew she had been very rude with her short +answers; it was very provoking that she had behaved so rudely. She +should be sixteen in another month, and she was still childish and +awkward. Thus she lectured herself, after parting with Mr Bellingham; +and the consequence was, that on the following Sunday she was ten +times as blushing and conscious, and (Mr Bellingham thought) ten +times more beautiful than ever. He suggested, that instead of going +straight home through High-street, she should take the round by the +Leasowes; at first she declined, but then, suddenly wondering and +questioning herself why she refused a thing which was, as far as +reason and knowledge (_her_ knowledge) went, so innocent, and which +was certainly so tempting and pleasant, she agreed to go the round; +and when she was once in the meadows that skirted the town, she +forgot all doubt and awkwardness--nay, almost forgot the presence of +Mr Bellingham--in her delight at the new tender beauty of an early +spring day in February. Among the last year's brown ruins, heaped +together by the wind in the hedgerows, she found the fresh green +crinkled leaves and pale star-like flowers of the primroses. Here and +there a golden celandine made brilliant the sides of the little brook +that (full of water in "February fill-dyke") bubbled along by the +side of the path; the sun was low in the horizon, and once, when they +came to a higher part of the Leasowes, Ruth burst into an exclamation +of delight at the evening glory of mellow light which was in the sky +behind the purple distance, while the brown leafless woods in the +foreground derived an almost metallic lustre from the golden mist and +haze of the sunset. It was but three-quarters of a mile round by the +meadows, but somehow it took them an hour to walk it. Ruth turned +to thank Mr Bellingham for his kindness in taking her home by this +beautiful way, but his look of admiration at her glowing, animated +face, made her suddenly silent; and, hardly wishing him good-bye, she +quickly entered the house with a beating, happy, agitated heart. + +"How strange it is," she thought that evening, "that I should feel as +if this charming afternoon's walk were, somehow, not exactly wrong, +but yet as if it were not right. Why can it be? I am not defrauding +Mrs Mason of any of her time; that I know would be wrong; I am left +to go where I like on Sundays. I have been to church, so it can't be +because I have missed doing my duty. If I had gone this walk with +Jenny, I wonder whether I should have felt as I do now. There must +be something wrong in me, myself, to feel so guilty when I have done +nothing which is not right; and yet I can thank God for the happiness +I have had in this charming spring walk, which dear mamma used to say +was a sign when pleasures were innocent and good for us." + +She was not conscious, as yet, that Mr Bellingham's presence had +added any charm to the ramble; and when she might have become aware +of this, as, week after week, Sunday after Sunday, loitering ramble +after loitering ramble succeeded each other, she was too much +absorbed with one set of thoughts to have much inclination for +self-questioning. + +"Tell me everything, Ruth, as you would to a brother; let me help +you, if I can, in your difficulties," he said to her one afternoon. +And he really did try to understand, and to realise, how an +insignificant and paltry person like Mason the dressmaker could be an +object of dread, and regarded as a person having authority, by Ruth. +He flamed up with indignation when, by way of impressing him with Mrs +Mason's power and consequence, Ruth spoke of some instance of the +effects of her employer's displeasure. He declared his mother should +never have a gown made again by such a tyrant--such a Mrs Brownrigg; +that he would prevent all his acquaintances from going to such +a cruel dressmaker; till Ruth was alarmed at the threatened +consequences of her one-sided account, and pleaded for Mrs Mason as +earnestly as if a young man's menace of this description were likely +to be literally fulfilled. + +"Indeed, sir, I have been very wrong; if you please, sir, don't be so +angry. She is often very good to us; it is only sometimes she goes +into a passion; and we are very provoking, I dare say. I know I am +for one. I have often to undo my work, and you can't think how it +spoils anything (particularly silk) to be unpicked; and Mrs Mason has +to bear all the blame. Oh! I am sorry I said anything about it. Don't +speak to your mother about it, pray, sir. Mrs Mason thinks so much of +Mrs Bellingham's custom." + +"Well, I won't this time"--recollecting that there might be some +awkwardness in accounting to his mother for the means by which he +had obtained his very correct information as to what passed in Mrs +Mason's workroom--"but if ever she does so again, I'll not answer for +myself." + +"I will take care and not tell again, sir," said Ruth, in a low +voice. + +"Nay, Ruth, you are not going to have secrets from me, are you? Don't +you remember your promise to consider me as a brother? Go on telling +me everything that happens to you, pray; you cannot think how much +interest I take in all your interests. I can quite fancy that +charming home at Milham you told me about last Sunday. I can almost +fancy Mrs Mason's workroom; and that, surely, is a proof either of +the strength of my imagination, or of your powers of description." + +Ruth smiled. "It is, indeed, sir. Our workroom must be so different +to anything you ever saw. I think you must have passed through Milham +often on your way to Lowford." + +"Then you don't think it is any stretch of fancy to have so clear an +idea as I have of Milham Grange? On the left hand of the road, is it, +Ruth?" + +"Yes, sir, just over the bridge, and up the hill where the elm-trees +meet overhead and make a green shade; and then comes the dear old +Grange, that I shall never see again." + +"Never! Nonsense, Ruthie; it is only six miles off; you may see it +any day. It is not an hour's ride." + +"Perhaps I may see it again when I am grown old; I did not think +exactly what 'never' meant; it is so very long since I was there, and +I don't see any chance of my going for years and years, at any rate." + +"Why, Ruth, you--we may go next Sunday afternoon, if you like." + +She looked up at him with a lovely light of pleasure in her face at +the idea. "How, sir? Can I walk it between afternoon service and the +time Mrs Mason comes home? I would go for only one glimpse; but if I +could get into the house--oh, sir! if I could just see mamma's room +again!" + +He was revolving plans in his head for giving her this pleasure, and +he had also his own in view. If they went in any of his carriages, +the loitering charm of the walk would be lost; and they must, to +a certain degree, be encumbered by, and exposed to, the notice of +servants. + +"Are you a good walker, Ruth? Do you think you can manage six miles? +If we set off at two o'clock, we shall be there by four, without +hurrying; or say half-past four. Then we might stay two hours, and +you could show me all the old walks and old places you love, and we +could still come leisurely home. Oh, it's all arranged directly!" + +"But do you think it would be right, sir? It seems as if it would be +such a great pleasure, that it must be in some way wrong." + +"Why, you little goose, what can be wrong in it?" + +"In the first place, I miss going to church by setting out at two," +said Ruth, a little gravely. + +"Only for once. Surely you don't see any harm in missing church for +once? You will go in the morning, you know." + +"I wonder if Mrs Mason would think it right--if she would allow it?" + +"No, I dare say not. But you don't mean to be governed by Mrs Mason's +notions of right and wrong. She thought it right to treat that poor +girl Palmer in the way you told me about. You would think that wrong, +you know, and so would every one of sense and feeling. Come, Ruth, +don't pin your faith on any one, but judge for yourself. The pleasure +is perfectly innocent; it is not a selfish pleasure either, for I +shall enjoy it to the full as much as you will. I shall like to see +the places where you spent your childhood; I shall almost love them +as much as you do." He had dropped his voice; and spoke in low, +persuasive tones. Ruth hung down her head, and blushed with exceeding +happiness; but she could not speak, even to urge her doubts afresh. +Thus it was in a manner settled. + +How delightfully happy the plan made her through the coming week! +She was too young when her mother died to have received any cautions +or words of advice respecting _the_ subject of a woman's life--if, +indeed, wise parents ever directly speak of what, in its depth and +power, cannot be put into words--which is a brooding spirit with no +definite form or shape that men should know it, but which is there, +and present before we have recognised and realised its existence. +Ruth was innocent and snow-pure. She had heard of falling in love, +but did not know the signs and symptoms thereof; nor, indeed, had +she troubled her head much about them. Sorrow had filled up her days, +to the exclusion of all lighter thoughts than the consideration of +present duties, and the remembrance of the happy time which had been. +But the interval of blank, after the loss of her mother and during +her father's life-in-death, had made her all the more ready to value +and cling to sympathy--first from Jenny, and now from Mr Bellingham. +To see her home again, and to see it with him; to show him (secure +of his interest) the haunts of former times, each with its little +tale of the past--of dead and gone events!--No coming shadow threw +its gloom over this week's dream of happiness--a dream which was too +bright to be spoken about to common and indifferent ears. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +Treading in Perilous Places + + +Sunday came, as brilliant as if there were no sorrow, or death, or +guilt in the world; a day or two of rain had made the earth fresh and +brave as the blue heavens above. Ruth thought it was too strong a +realisation of her hopes, and looked for an over-clouding at noon; +but the glory endured, and at two o'clock she was in the Leasowes, +with a beating heart full of joy, longing to stop the hours, which +would pass too quickly through the afternoon. + +They sauntered through the fragrant lanes, as if their loitering +would prolong the time, and check the fiery-footed steeds galloping +apace towards the close of the happy day. It was past five o'clock +before they came to the great mill-wheel, which stood in Sabbath +idleness, motionless in a brown mass of shade, and still wet with +yesterday's immersion in the deep transparent water beneath. They +clambered the little hill, not yet fully shaded by the overarching +elms; and then Ruth checked Mr Bellingham, by a slight motion of +the hand which lay within his arm, and glanced up into his face to +see what that face should express as it looked on Milham Grange, +now lying still and peaceful in its afternoon shadows. It was a +house of after-thoughts; building materials were plentiful in the +neighbourhood, and every successive owner had found a necessity +for some addition or projection, till it was a picturesque mass of +irregularity--of broken light and shadow--which, as a whole, gave a +full and complete idea of a "Home." All its gables and nooks were +blended and held together by the tender green of the climbing roses +and young creepers. An old couple were living in the house until it +should be let, but they dwelt in the back part, and never used the +front door; so the little birds had grown tame and familiar, and +perched upon the window-sills and porch, and on the old stone cistern +which caught the water from the roof. + +They went silently through the untrimmed garden, full of the +pale-coloured flowers of spring. A spider had spread her web over +the front door. The sight of this conveyed a sense of desolation to +Ruth's heart; she thought it was possible the state entrance had +never been used since her father's dead body had been borne forth, +and, without speaking a word, she turned abruptly away, and went +round the house to another door. Mr Bellingham followed without +questioning, little understanding her feelings, but full of +admiration for the varying expression called out upon her face. + +The old woman had not yet returned from church, or from the weekly +gossip or neighbourly tea which succeeded. The husband sat in the +kitchen, spelling the psalms for the day in his Prayer-book, and +reading the words out aloud--a habit he had acquired from the double +solitude of his life, for he was deaf. He did not hear the quiet +entrance of the pair, and they were struck with the sort of ghostly +echo which seems to haunt half-furnished and uninhabited houses. The +verses he was reading were the following: + + + Why art thou so vexed, O my soul: and why art thou so + disquieted within me? + + O put thy trust in God: for I will yet thank him, which is + the help of my countenance, and my God. + + +And when he had finished he shut the book, and sighed with the +satisfaction of having done his duty. The words of holy trust, though +perhaps they were not fully understood, carried a faithful peace +down into the depths of his soul. As he looked up, he saw the young +couple standing on the middle of the floor. He pushed his iron-rimmed +spectacles on to his forehead, and rose to greet the daughter of his +old master and ever-honoured mistress. + +"God bless thee, lass; God bless thee! My old eyes are glad to see +thee again." + +Ruth sprang forward to shake the horny hand stretched forward in +the action of blessing. She pressed it between both of hers, as +she rapidly poured out questions. Mr Bellingham was not altogether +comfortable at seeing one whom he had already begun to appropriate as +his own, so tenderly familiar with a hard-featured, meanly-dressed +day-labourer. He sauntered to the window, and looked out into the +grass-grown farm-yard; but he could not help overhearing some of the +conversation, which seemed to him carried on too much in the tone of +equality. "And who's yon?" asked the old labourer at last. "Is he +your sweetheart? Your missis's son, I reckon. He's a spruce young +chap, anyhow." + +Mr Bellingham's "blood of all the Howards" rose and tingled about +his ears, so that he could not hear Ruth's answer. It began by "Hush, +Thomas; pray hush!" but how it went on he did not catch. The idea of +his being Mrs Mason's son! It was really too ridiculous; but, like +most things which are "too ridiculous," it made him very angry. He +was hardly himself again when Ruth shyly came to the window-recess +and asked him if he would like to see the house-place, into which +the front door entered; many people thought it very pretty, she said, +half timidly, for his face had unconsciously assumed a hard and +haughty expression, which he could not instantly soften down. He +followed her, however; but before he left the kitchen he saw the old +man standing, looking at Ruth's companion with a strange, grave air +of dissatisfaction. + +They went along one or two zigzag, damp-smelling stone passages, and +then entered the house-place, or common sitting-room for a farmer's +family in that part of the country. The front door opened into it, +and several other apartments issued out of it, such as the dairy, +the state bedroom (which was half-parlour as well), and a small room +which had been appropriated to the late Mrs Hilton, where she sat, +or more frequently lay, commanding through the open door the comings +and goings of her household. In those days the house-place had been a +cheerful room, full of life, with the passing to and fro of husband, +child, and servants; with a great merry wood fire crackling and +blazing away every evening, and hardly let out in the very heat of +summer; for with the thick stone walls, and the deep window-seats, +and the drapery of vine-leaves and ivy, that room, with its +flag-floor, seemed always to want the sparkle and cheery warmth of a +fire. But now the green shadows from without seemed to have become +black in the uninhabited desolation. The oaken shovel-board, the +heavy dresser, and the carved cupboards, were now dull and damp, +which were formerly polished up to the brightness of a looking-glass +where the fire-blaze was for ever glinting; they only added to the +oppressive gloom; the flag-floor was wet with heavy moisture. Ruth +stood gazing into the room, seeing nothing of what was present. She +saw a vision of former days--an evening in the days of her childhood; +her father sitting in the "master's corner" near the fire, sedately +smoking his pipe, while he dreamily watched his wife and child; her +mother reading to her, as she sat on a little stool at her feet. It +was gone--all gone into the land of shadows; but for the moment it +seemed so present in the old room, that Ruth believed her actual life +to be the dream. Then, still silent, she went on into her mother's +parlour. But there, the bleak look of what had once been full of +peace and mother's love, struck cold on her heart. She uttered a cry, +and threw herself down by the sofa, hiding her face in her hands, +while her frame quivered with her repressed sobs. + +"Dearest Ruth, don't give way so. It can do no good; it cannot bring +back the dead," said Mr Bellingham, distressed at witnessing her +distress. + +"I know it cannot," murmured Ruth; "and that is why I cry. I cry +because nothing will ever bring them back again." She sobbed afresh, +but more gently, for his kind words soothed her, and softened, if +they could not take away, her sense of desolation. + +"Come away; I cannot have you stay here, full of painful +associations as these rooms must be. Come"--raising her with gentle +violence--"show me your little garden you have often told me about. +Near the window of this very room, is it not? See how well I remember +everything you tell me." + +He led her round through the back part of the house into the pretty +old-fashioned garden. There was a sunny border just under the +windows, and clipped box and yew-trees by the grass-plat, further +away from the house; and she prattled again of her childish +adventures and solitary plays. When they turned round they saw the +old man, who had hobbled out with the help of his stick, and was +looking at them with the same grave, sad look of anxiety. + +Mr Bellingham spoke rather sharply: + +"Why does that old man follow us about in that way? It is excessively +impertinent of him, I think." + +"Oh, don't call old Thomas impertinent. He is so good and kind, he +is like a father to me. I remember sitting on his knee many and many +a time when I was a child, whilst he told me stories out of the +'Pilgrim's Progress.' He taught me to suck up milk through a straw. +Mamma was very fond of him too. He used to sit with us always in the +evenings when papa was away at market, for mamma was rather afraid of +having no man in the house, and used to beg old Thomas to stay; and +he would take me on his knee, and listen just as attentively as I did +while mamma read aloud." + +"You don't mean to say you have sat upon that old fellow's knee?" + +"Oh, yes! many and many a time." + +Mr Bellingham looked graver than he had done while witnessing Ruth's +passionate emotion in her mother's room. But he lost his sense of +indignity in admiration of his companion as she wandered among the +flowers, seeking for favourite bushes or plants, to which some +history or remembrance was attached. She wound in and out in natural, +graceful, wavy lines between the luxuriant and overgrown shrubs, +which were fragrant with a leafy smell of spring growth; she went on, +careless of watching eyes, indeed unconscious, for the time, of their +existence. Once she stopped to take hold of a spray of jessamine, and +softly kiss it; it had been her mother's favourite flower. + +Old Thomas was standing by the horse-mount, and was also an observer +of all her goings-on. But, while Mr Bellingham's feeling was that +of passionate admiration mingled with a selfish kind of love, the +old man gazed with tender anxiety, and his lips moved in words of +blessing: + +"She's a pretty creature, with a glint of her mother about her; and +she's the same kind lass as ever. Not a bit set up with yon fine +manty-maker's shop she's in. I misdoubt that young fellow though, +for all she called him a real gentleman, and checked me when I asked +if he was her sweetheart. If his are not sweetheart's looks, I've +forgotten all my young days. Here! they're going, I suppose. Look! +he wants her to go without a word to the old man; but she is none so +changed as that, I reckon." + +Not Ruth, indeed! She never perceived the dissatisfied expression of +Mr Bellingham's countenance, visible to the old man's keen eye; but +came running up to Thomas to send her love to his wife, and to shake +him many times by the hand. + +"Tell Mary I'll make her such a fine gown, as soon as ever I set up +for myself; it shall be all in the fashion, big gigot sleeves, that +she shall not know herself in them! Mind you tell her that, Thomas, +will you?" + +"Aye, that I will, lass; and I reckon she'll be pleased to hear thou +hast not forgotten thy old merry ways. The Lord bless thee--the Lord +lift up the light of His countenance upon thee." + +Ruth was half-way towards the impatient Mr Bellingham when her old +friend called her back. He longed to give her a warning of the +danger that he thought she was in, and yet he did not know how. When +she came up, all he could think of to say was a text; indeed, the +language of the Bible was the language in which he thought, whenever +his ideas went beyond practical everyday life into expressions of +emotion or feeling. "My dear, remember the devil goeth about as a +roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour; remember that, Ruth." + +The words fell on her ear, but gave no definite idea. The utmost they +suggested was the remembrance of the dread she felt as a child when +this verse came into her mind, and how she used to imagine a lion's +head with glaring eyes peering out of the bushes in a dark shady part +of the wood, which, for this reason, she had always avoided, and even +now could hardly think of without a shudder. She never imagined that +the grim warning related to the handsome young man who awaited her +with a countenance beaming with love, and tenderly drew her hand +within his arm. + +The old man sighed as he watched them away. "The Lord may help her +to guide her steps aright. He may. But I'm afeard she's treading +in perilous places. I'll put my missis up to going to the town and +getting speech of her, and telling her a bit of her danger. An old +motherly woman like our Mary will set about it better nor a stupid +fellow like me." + +The poor old labourer prayed long and earnestly that night for Ruth. +He called it "wrestling for her soul;" and I think his prayers were +heard, for "God judgeth not as man judgeth." + +Ruth went on her way, all unconscious of the dark phantoms of the +future that were gathering around her; her melancholy turned, with +the pliancy of childish years, at sixteen not yet lost, into a +softened manner which was infinitely charming. By-and-by she cleared +up into sunny happiness. The evening was still and full of mellow +light, and the new-born summer was so delicious that, in common with +all young creatures, she shared its influence and was glad. + +They stood together at the top of a steep ascent, "the hill" of the +hundred. At the summit there was a level space, sixty or seventy +yards square, of unenclosed and broken ground, over which the golden +bloom of the gorse cast a rich hue, while its delicious scent +perfumed the fresh and nimble air. On one side of this common, the +ground sloped down to a clear bright pond, in which were mirrored the +rough sand-cliffs that rose abrupt on the opposite bank; hundreds +of martens found a home there, and were now wheeling over the +transparent water, and dipping in their wings in their evening sport. +Indeed, all sorts of birds seemed to haunt the lonely pool; the +water-wagtails were scattered around its margin, the linnets perched +on the topmost sprays of the gorse-bushes, and other hidden warblers +sang their vespers on the uneven ground beyond. On the far side +of the green waste, close by the road, and well placed for the +requirements of horses or their riders who might be weary with the +ascent of the hill, there was a public-house, which was more of a +farm than an inn. It was a long, low building, rich in dormer-windows +on the weather side, which were necessary in such an exposed +situation, and with odd projections and unlooked-for gables on every +side; there was a deep porch in front, on whose hospitable benches +a dozen persons might sit and enjoy the balmy air. A noble sycamore +grew right before the house, with seats all round it ("such tents +the patriarchs loved"); and a nondescript sign hung from a branch +on the side next to the road, which, being wisely furnished with an +interpretation, was found to mean King Charles in the oak. + +Near this comfortable, quiet, unfrequented inn, there was another +pond, for household and farm-yard purposes, from which the cattle +were drinking, before returning to the fields after they had been +milked. Their very motions were so lazy and slow, that they served +to fill up the mind with the sensation of dreamy rest. Ruth and Mr +Bellingham plunged through the broken ground to regain the road near +the wayside inn. Hand-in-hand, now pricked by the far-spreading +gorse, now ankle-deep in sand; now pressing the soft, thick heath, +which should make so brave an autumn show; and now over wild thyme +and other fragrant herbs, they made their way, with many a merry +laugh. Once on the road, at the summit, Ruth stood silent, in +breathless delight at the view before her. The hill fell suddenly +down into the plain, extending for a dozen miles or more. There was +a clump of dark Scotch firs close to them, which cut clear against +the western sky, and threw back the nearest levels into distance. +The plain below them was richly wooded, and was tinted by the young +tender hues of the earliest summer, for all the trees of the wood had +donned their leaves except the cautious ash, which here and there +gave a soft, pleasant greyness to the landscape. Far away in the +champaign were spires, and towers, and stacks of chimneys belonging +to some distant hidden farm-house, which were traced downwards +through the golden air by the thin columns of blue smoke sent up from +the evening fires. The view was bounded by some rising ground in deep +purple shadow against the sunset sky. + +When first they stopped, silent with sighing pleasure, the air seemed +full of pleasant noises; distant church-bells made harmonious music +with the little singing-birds near at hand; nor were the lowings of +the cattle, nor the calls of the farm-servants discordant, for the +voices seemed to be hushed by the brooding consciousness of the +Sabbath. They stood loitering before the house, quietly enjoying the +view. The clock in the little inn struck eight, and it sounded clear +and sharp in the stillness. + +"Can it be so late?" asked Ruth. + +"I should not have thought it possible," answered Mr Bellingham. +"But, never mind, you will be at home long before nine. Stay, there +is a shorter road, I know, through the fields; just wait a moment, +while I go in and ask the exact way." He dropped Ruth's arm, and went +into the public-house. + +A gig had been slowly toiling up the sandy hill behind, unperceived +by the young couple, and now it reached the table-land, and was close +upon them as they separated. Ruth turned round, when the sound of the +horse's footsteps came distinctly as he reached the level. She faced +Mrs Mason! + +They were not ten--no, not five yards apart. At the same moment they +recognised each other, and, what was worse, Mrs Mason had clearly +seen, with her sharp, needle-like eyes, the attitude in which Ruth +had stood with the young man who had just quitted her. Ruth's hand +had been lying in his arm, and fondly held there by his other hand. + +Mrs Mason was careless about the circumstances of temptation into +which the girls entrusted to her as apprentices were thrown, but +severely intolerant if their conduct was in any degree influenced by +the force of these temptations. She called this intolerance "keeping +up the character of her establishment." It would have been a better +and more Christian thing, if she had kept up the character of her +girls by tender vigilance and maternal care. + +This evening, too, she was in an irritated state of temper. Her +brother had undertaken to drive her round by Henbury, in order to +give her the unpleasant information of the misbehaviour of her eldest +son, who was an assistant in a draper's shop in a neighbouring town. +She was full of indignation against want of steadiness, though not +willing to direct her indignation against the right object--her +ne'er-do-well darling. While she was thus charged with anger (for +her brother justly defended her son's master and companions from her +attacks), she saw Ruth standing with a lover, far away from home, +at such a time in the evening, and she boiled over with intemperate +displeasure. + +"Come here directly, Miss Hilton," she exclaimed, sharply. Then, +dropping her voice to low, bitter tones of concentrated wrath, she +said to the trembling, guilty Ruth: + +"Don't attempt to show your face at my house again after this +conduct. I saw you, and your spark, too. I'll have no slurs on the +character of my apprentices. Don't say a word. I saw enough. I shall +write and tell your guardian to-morrow." + +The horse started away, for he was impatient to be off, and Ruth was +left standing there, stony, sick, and pale, as if the lightning had +torn up the ground beneath her feet. She could not go on standing, +she was so sick and faint; she staggered back to the broken +sand-bank, and sank down, and covered her face with her hands. + +"My dearest Ruth! are you ill? Speak, darling! My love, my love, do +speak to me!" + +What tender words after such harsh ones! They loosened the fountain +of Ruth's tears, and she cried bitterly. + +"Oh! did you see her--did you hear what she said?" + +"She! Who, my darling? Don't sob so, Ruth; tell me what it is. Who +has been near you?--who has been speaking to you to make you cry so?" + +"Oh, Mrs Mason." And there was a fresh burst of sorrow. + +"You don't say so! are you sure? I was not away five minutes." + +"Oh, yes, sir, I'm quite sure. She was so angry; she said I must +never show my face there again. Oh, dear! what shall I do?" + +It seemed to the poor child as if Mrs Mason's words were irrevocable, +and, that being so, she was shut out from every house. She saw how +much she had done that was deserving of blame, now when it was too +late to undo it. She knew with what severity and taunts Mrs Mason had +often treated her for involuntary failings, of which she had been +quite unconscious; and now she had really done wrong, and shrank +with terror from the consequences. Her eyes were so blinded by the +fast-falling tears, she did not see (nor had she seen would she have +been able to interpret) the change in Mr Bellingham's countenance, as +he stood silently watching her. He was silent so long, that even in +her sorrow she began to wonder that he did not speak, and to wish to +hear his soothing words once more. + +"It is very unfortunate," he began, at last; and then he stopped; +then he began again: "It is very unfortunate; for, you see, I did not +like to name it to you before, but, I believe--I have business, in +fact, which obliges me to go to town to-morrow--to London, I mean; +and I don't know when I shall be able to return." + +"To London!" cried Ruth; "are you going away? Oh, Mr Bellingham!" She +wept afresh, giving herself up to the desolate feeling of sorrow, +which absorbed all the terror she had been experiencing at the idea +of Mrs Mason's anger. It seemed to her at this moment as though she +could have borne everything but his departure; but she did not speak +again; and after two or three minutes had elapsed, he spoke--not in +his natural careless voice, but in a sort of constrained, agitated +tone. + +"I can hardly bear the idea of leaving you, my own Ruth. In such +distress, too; for where you can go I do not know at all. From +all you have told me of Mrs Mason, I don't think she is likely to +mitigate her severity in your case." + +No answer, but tears quietly, incessantly flowing. Mrs Mason's +displeasure seemed a distant thing; his going away was the present +distress. He went on: + +"Ruth, would you go with me to London? My darling, I cannot leave +you here without a home; the thought of leaving you at all is pain +enough, but in these circumstances--so friendless, so homeless--it is +impossible. You must come with me, love, and trust to me." + +Still she did not speak. Remember how young, and innocent, and +motherless she was! It seemed to her as if it would be happiness +enough to be with him; and as for the future, he would arrange and +decide for that. The future lay wrapped in a golden mist, which she +did not care to penetrate; but if he, her sun, was out of sight and +gone, the golden mist became dark heavy gloom, through which no hope +could come. He took her hand. + +"Will you not come with me? Do you not love me enough to trust me? +Oh, Ruth," (reproachfully), "can you not trust me?" + +She had stopped crying, but was sobbing sadly. + +"I cannot bear this, love. Your sorrow is absolute pain to me; but it +is worse to feel how indifferent you are--how little you care about +our separation." + +He dropped her hand. She burst into a fresh fit of crying. + +"I may have to join my mother in Paris; I don't know when I shall see +you again. Oh, Ruth!" said he, vehemently, "do you love me at all?" + +She said something in a very low voice; he could not hear it, though +he bent down his head--but he took her hand again. + +"What was it you said, love? Was it not that you did love me? My +darling, you do! I can tell it by the trembling of this little hand; +then you will not suffer me to go away alone and unhappy, most +anxious about you? There is no other course open to you; my poor girl +has no friends to receive her. I will go home directly, and return +in an hour with a carriage. You make me too happy by your silence, +Ruth." + +"Oh, what can I do!" exclaimed Ruth. "Mr Bellingham, you should help +me, and instead of that you only bewilder me." + +"How, my dearest Ruth? Bewilder you! It seems so clear to me. Look +at the case fairly! Here you are, an orphan, with only one person +to love you, poor child!--thrown off, for no fault of yours, by the +only creature on whom you have a claim, that creature a tyrannical, +inflexible woman; what is more natural (and, being natural, more +right) than that you should throw yourself upon the care of the +one who loves you dearly--who would go through fire and water for +you--who would shelter you from all harm? Unless, indeed, as I +suspect, you do not care for him. If so, Ruth! if you do not care for +me, we had better part--I will leave you at once; it will be better +for me to go, if you do not care for me." + +He said this very sadly (it seemed so to Ruth, at least), and made as +though he would have drawn his hand from hers, but now she held it +with soft force. + +"Don't leave me, please, sir. It is very true I have no friend but +you. Don't leave me, please. But, oh! do tell me what I must do!" + +"Will you do it if I tell you? If you will trust me, I will do my +very best for you. I will give you my best advice. You see your +position. Mrs Mason writes and gives her own exaggerated account to +your guardian; he is bound by no great love to you, from what I have +heard you say, and throws you off; I, who might be able to befriend +you--through my mother, perhaps--I, who could at least comfort you +a little (could not I, Ruth?), am away, far away, for an indefinite +time; that is your position at present. Now, what I advise is this. +Come with me into this little inn; I will order tea for you--(I am +sure you require it sadly)--and I will leave you there, and go home +for the carriage. I will return in an hour at the latest. Then we +are together, come what may; that is enough for me; is it not for +you, Ruth? Say, yes--say it ever so low, but give me the delight of +hearing it. Ruth, say yes." + +Low and soft, with much hesitation, came the "Yes;" the fatal word of +which she so little imagined the infinite consequences. The thought +of being with him was all and everything. + +"How you tremble, my darling! You are cold, love! Come into the +house, and I'll order tea directly and be off." + +She rose, and, leaning on his arm, went into the house. She was +shaking and dizzy with the agitation of the last hour. He spoke to +the civil farmer-landlord, who conducted them into a neat parlour, +with windows opening into the garden at the back of the house. They +had admitted much of the evening's fragrance through their open +casements, before they were hastily closed by the attentive host. + +"Tea, directly, for this lady!" The landlord vanished. + +"Dearest Ruth, I must go; there is not an instant to be lost; promise +me to take some tea, for you are shivering all over, and deadly pale +with the fright that abominable woman has given you. I must go; I +shall be back in half an hour--and then no more partings, darling." + +He kissed her pale cold face, and went away. The room whirled round +before Ruth; it was a dream--a strange, varying, shifting dream--with +the old home of her childhood for one scene, with the terror of Mrs +Mason's unexpected appearance for another; and then, strangest, +dizziest, happiest of all, there was the consciousness of his love, +who was all the world to her; and the remembrance of the tender +words, which still kept up their low soft echo in her heart. + +Her head ached so much that she could hardly see; even the dusky +twilight was a dazzling glare to her poor eyes; and when the daughter +of the house brought in the sharp light of the candles, preparatory +for tea, Ruth hid her face in the sofa pillows with a low exclamation +of pain. + +"Does your head ache, miss?" asked the girl, in a gentle, +sympathising voice. "Let me make you some tea, miss, it will do you +good. Many's the time poor mother's headaches were cured by good +strong tea." + +Ruth murmured acquiescence; the young girl (about Ruth's own age, +but who was the mistress of the little establishment, owing to her +mother's death) made tea, and brought Ruth a cup to the sofa where +she lay. Ruth was feverish and thirsty, and eagerly drank it off, +although she could not touch the bread and butter which the girl +offered her. She felt better and fresher, though she was still faint +and weak. + +"Thank you," said Ruth. "Don't let me keep you; perhaps you are busy. +You have been very kind, and the tea has done me a great deal of +good." + +The girl left the room. Ruth became as hot as she had previously been +cold, and went and opened the window, and leant out into the still, +sweet, evening air. The bush of sweetbrier, underneath the window, +scented the place, and the delicious fragrance reminded her of her +old home. I think scents affect and quicken the memory more than +either sights or sounds; for Ruth had instantly before her eyes the +little garden beneath the window of her mother's room, with the old +man leaning on his stick, watching her, just as he had done, not +three hours before, on that very afternoon. + +"Dear old Thomas! He and Mary would take me in, I think; they would +love me all the more if I were cast off. And Mr Bellingham would, +perhaps, not be so very long away; and he would know where to find +me if I stayed at Milham Grange. Oh, would it not be better to go to +them? I wonder if he would be very sorry! I could not bear to make +him sorry, so kind as he has been to me; but I do believe it would +be better to go to them, and ask their advice, at any rate. He would +follow me there; and I could talk over what I had better do, with the +three best friends I have in the world--the only friends I have." + +She put on her bonnet, and opened the parlour-door; but then she saw +the square figure of the landlord standing at the open house-door, +smoking his evening pipe, and looming large and distinct against the +dark air and landscape beyond. Ruth remembered the cup of tea that +she had drank; it must be paid for, and she had no money with her. +She feared that he would not let her quit the house without paying. +She thought that she would leave a note for Mr Bellingham, saying +where she was gone, and how she had left the house in debt, for +(like a child) all dilemmas appeared of equal magnitude to her; and +the difficulty of passing the landlord while he stood there, and +of giving him an explanation of the circumstances (as far as such +explanation was due to him), appeared insuperable, and as awkward, +and fraught with inconvenience, as far more serious situations. +She kept peeping out of her room, after she had written her little +pencil-note, to see if the outer door was still obstructed. There +he stood, motionless, enjoying his pipe, and looking out into the +darkness which gathered thick with the coming night. The fumes of +the tobacco were carried by the air into the house, and brought back +Ruth's sick headache. Her energy left her; she became stupid and +languid, and incapable of spirited exertion; she modified her plan +of action, to the determination of asking Mr Bellingham to take her +to Milham Grange, to the care of her humble friends, instead of to +London. And she thought, in her simplicity, that he would instantly +consent when he had heard her reasons. + +She started up. A carriage dashed up to the door. She hushed her +beating heart, and tried to stop her throbbing head to listen. She +heard him speaking to the landlord, though she could not distinguish +what he said; heard the jingling of money, and, in another moment, he +was in the room, and had taken her arm to lead her to the carriage. + +"Oh, sir! I want you to take me to Milham Grange," said she, holding +back. "Old Thomas would give me a home." + +"Well, dearest, we'll talk of all that in the carriage; I am sure +you will listen to reason. Nay, if you will go to Milham you must go +in the carriage," said he, hurriedly. She was little accustomed to +oppose the wishes of any one--obedient and docile by nature, and +unsuspicious and innocent of any harmful consequences. She entered +the carriage, and drove towards London. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +In North Wales + + +The June of 18-- had been glorious and sunny, and full of flowers; +but July came in with pouring rain, and it was a gloomy time for +travellers and for weather-bound tourists, who lounged away the days +in touching up sketches, dressing flies, and reading over again for +the twentieth time the few volumes they had brought with them. A +number of the _Times_, five days old, had been in constant demand in +all the sitting-rooms of a certain inn in a little mountain village +of North Wales, through a long July morning. The valleys around were +filled with thick cold mist, which had crept up the hillsides till +the hamlet itself was folded in its white dense curtain, and from the +inn-windows nothing was seen of the beautiful scenery around. The +tourists who thronged the rooms might as well have been "wi' their +dear little bairnies at hame;" and so some of them seemed to think, +as they stood, with their faces flattened against the window-panes, +looking abroad in search of an event to fill up the dreary time. +How many dinners were hastened that day, by way of getting through +the morning, let the poor Welsh kitchen-maid say! The very village +children kept indoors; or if one or two more adventurous stole out +into the land of temptation and puddles, they were soon clutched back +by angry and busy mothers. + +It was only four o'clock, but most of the inmates of the inn thought +it must be between six and seven, the morning had seemed so long--so +many hours had passed since dinner--when a Welsh car, drawn by two +horses, rattled briskly up to the door. Every window of the ark was +crowded with faces at the sound; the leathern curtains were undrawn +to their curious eyes, and out sprang a gentleman, who carefully +assisted a well-cloaked-up lady into the little inn, despite the +landlady's assurances of not having a room to spare. + +The gentleman (it was Mr Bellingham) paid no attention to the +speeches of the hostess, but quietly superintended the unpacking of +the carriage, and paid the postillion; then, turning round with his +face to the light, he spoke to the landlady, whose voice had been +rising during the last five minutes: + +"Nay, Jenny, you're strangely altered, if you can turn out an old +friend on such an evening as this. If I remember right, Pen tre +Voelas is twenty miles across the bleakest mountain road I ever saw." + +"Indeed, sir, and I did not know you; Mr Bellingham, I believe. +Indeed, sir, Pen tre Voelas is not above eighteen miles--we only +charge for eighteen; it may not be much above seventeen; and we're +quite full, indeed, more's the pity." + +"Well, but Jenny, to oblige me, an old friend, you can find lodgings +out for some of your people--the house across, for instance." + +"Indeed, sir, and it's at liberty; perhaps you would not mind lodging +there yourself; I could get you the best rooms, and send over a +trifle or so of furniture, if they wern't as you'd wish them to be." + +"No, Jenny! here I stay. You'll not induce me to venture over into +those rooms, whose dirt I know of old. Can't you persuade some one +who is not an old friend to move across? Say, if you like, that I had +written beforehand to bespeak the rooms. Oh! I know you can manage +it--I know your good-natured ways." + +"Indeed, sir--well! I'll see, if you and the lady will just step into +the back parlour, sir--there's no one there just now; the lady is +keeping her bed to-day for a cold, and the gentleman is having a +rubber at whist in number three. I'll see what I can do." + +"Thank you, thank you. Is there a fire? if not, one must be lighted. +Come, Ruthie, come." + +He led the way into a large, bow-windowed room, which looked gloomy +enough that afternoon, but which I have seen bright and buoyant with +youth and hope within, and sunny lights creeping down the purple +mountain slope, and stealing over the green, soft meadows, till they +reached the little garden, full of roses and lavender-bushes, lying +close under the window. I have seen--but I shall see no more. + +"I did not know you had been here before," said Ruth, as Mr +Bellingham helped her off with her cloak. + +"Oh, yes; three years ago I was here on a reading party. We were here +above two months, attracted by Jenny's kind heart and oddities; but +driven away finally by the insufferable dirt. However, for a week or +two it won't much signify." + +"But can she take us in, sir? I thought I heard her saying her house +was full." + +"Oh, yes--I dare say it is; but I shall pay her well; she can easily +make excuses to some poor devil, and send him over to the other side; +and, for a day or two, so that we have shelter, it does not much +signify." + +"Could not we go to the house on the other side, sir?" + +"And have our meals carried across to us in a half-warm state, to say +nothing of having no one to scold for bad cooking! You don't know +these out-of-the-way Welsh inns yet, Ruthie." + +"No! I only thought it seemed rather unfair--" said Ruth, gently; but +she did not end her sentence, for Mr Bellingham formed his lips into +a whistle, and walked to the window to survey the rain. + +The remembrance of his former good payment prompted many little lies +of which Mrs Morgan was guilty that afternoon, before she succeeded +in turning out a gentleman and lady, who were only planning to remain +till the ensuing Saturday at the outside, so, if they did fulfil +their threat, and leave on the next day, she would be no very great +loser. + +These household arrangements complete, she solaced herself with tea +in her own little parlour, and shrewdly reviewed the circumstances of +Mr Bellingham's arrival. + +"Indeed! and she's not his wife," thought Jenny, "that's clear as +day. His wife would have brought her maid, and given herself twice as +many airs about the sitting-rooms; while this poor miss never spoke, +but kept as still as a mouse. Indeed, and young men will be young +men; and, as long as their fathers and mothers shut their eyes, it's +none of my business to go about asking questions." + +In this manner they settled down to a week's enjoyment of that Alpine +country. It was most true enjoyment to Ruth. It was opening a new +sense; vast ideas of beauty and grandeur filled her mind at the sight +of the mountains now first beheld in full majesty. She was almost +overpowered by the vague and solemn delight; but by-and-by her love +for them equalled her awe, and in the night-time she would softly +rise, and steal to the window to see the white moonlight, which gave +a new aspect to the everlasting hills that girdle the mountain +village. + +Their breakfast-hour was late, in accordance with Mr Bellingham's +tastes and habits; but Ruth was up betimes, and out and away, +brushing the dew-drops from the short crisp grass; the lark sung high +above her head, and she knew not if she moved or stood still, for the +grandeur of this beautiful earth absorbed all idea of separate and +individual existence. Even rain was a pleasure to her. She sat in the +window-seat of their parlour (she would have gone out gladly, but +that such a proceeding annoyed Mr Bellingham, who usually at such +times lounged away the listless hours on a sofa, and relieved himself +by abusing the weather); she saw the swift-fleeting showers come +athwart the sunlight like a rush of silver arrows; she watched the +purple darkness on the heathery mountain-side, and then the pale +golden gleam which succeeded. There was no change or alteration of +nature that had not its own peculiar beauty in the eyes of Ruth; +but if she had complained of the changeable climate, she would have +pleased Mr Bellingham more; her admiration and her content made him +angry, until her pretty motions and loving eyes soothed down his +impatience. + +"Really, Ruth," he exclaimed one day, when they had been imprisoned +by rain a whole morning, "one would think you had never seen a shower +of rain before; it quite wearies me to see you sitting there watching +this detestable weather with such a placid countenance; and for the +last two hours you have said nothing more amusing or interesting +than--'Oh, how beautiful!' or, 'There's another cloud coming across +Moel Wynn.'" + +Ruth left her seat very gently, and took up her work. She wished she +had the gift of being amusing; it must be dull for a man accustomed +to all kinds of active employments to be shut up in the house. She +was recalled from her absolute self-forgetfulness. What could she say +to interest Mr Bellingham? While she thought, he spoke again: + +"I remember when we were reading here three years ago, we had a week +of just such weather as this; but Howard and Johnson were capital +whist players, and Wilbraham not bad, so we got through the days +famously. Can you play _ecarte_, Ruth, or picquet?" + +"No, sir; I have sometimes played at beggar-my-neighbour," answered +Ruth, humbly, regretting her own deficiencies. + +He murmured impatiently, and there was silence for another half-hour. +Then he sprang up, and rung the bell violently. "Ask Mrs Morgan for a +pack of cards. Ruthie, I'll teach you _ecarte_," said he. + +But Ruth was stupid, not so good as a dummy, he said; and it was +no fun betting against himself. So the cards were flung across the +table--on the floor--anywhere. Ruth picked them up. As she rose, she +sighed a little with the depression of spirits consequent upon her +own want of power to amuse and occupy him she loved. + +"You're pale, love!" said he, half repenting of his anger at her +blunders over the cards. "Go out before dinner; you know you don't +mind this cursed weather; and see that you come home full of +adventures to relate. Come, little blockhead! give me a kiss, and +begone." + +She left the room with a feeling of relief; for if he were dull +without her, she should not feel responsible, and unhappy at her own +stupidity. The open air, that kind soothing balm which gentle mother +Nature offers to us all in our seasons of depression, relieved her. +The rain had ceased, though every leaf and blade was loaded with +trembling glittering drops. Ruth went down to the circular dale, into +which the brown-foaming mountain river fell and made a deep pool, +and, after resting there for a while, ran on between broken rocks +down to the valley below. The waterfall was magnificent, as she had +anticipated; she longed to extend her walk to the other side of the +stream, so she sought the stepping-stones, the usual crossing-place, +which were over-shadowed by trees, a few yards from the pool. The +waters ran high and rapidly, as busy as life, between the pieces of +grey rock; but Ruth had no fear, and went lightly and steadily on. +About the middle, however, there was a great gap; either one of the +stones was so covered with water as to be invisible, or it had been +washed lower down; at any rate, the spring from stone to stone was +long, and Ruth hesitated for a moment before taking it. The sound of +rushing waters was in her ears to the exclusion of every other noise; +her eyes were on the current running swiftly below her feet; and +thus she was startled to see a figure close before her on one of the +stones, and to hear a voice offering help. + +She looked up and saw a man, who was apparently long past middle +life, and of the stature of a dwarf; a second glance accounted for +the low height of the speaker, for then she saw he was deformed. As +the consciousness of this infirmity came into her mind, it must have +told itself in her softened eyes, for a faint flush of colour came +into the pale face of the deformed gentleman, as he repeated his +words: + +"The water is very rapid; will you take my hand? Perhaps I can help +you." + +Ruth accepted the offer, and with this assistance she was across in +a moment. He made way for her to precede him in the narrow wood path, +and then silently followed her up the glen. + +When they had passed out of the wood into the pasture-land beyond, +Ruth once more turned to mark him. She was struck afresh with +the mild beauty of the face, though there was something in the +countenance which told of the body's deformity, something more and +beyond the pallor of habitual ill-health, something of a quick +spiritual light in the deep set-eyes, a sensibility about the mouth; +but altogether, though a peculiar, it was a most attractive face. + +"Will you allow me to accompany you if you are going the round by +Cwm Dhu, as I imagine you are? The hand-rail is blown away from the +little wooden bridge by the storm last night, and the rush of waters +below may make you dizzy; and it is really dangerous to fall there, +the stream is so deep." + +They walked on without much speech. She wondered who her companion +might be. She should have known him, if she had seen him among the +strangers at the inn; and yet he spoke English too well to be a +Welshman; he knew the country and the paths so perfectly, he must +be a resident; and so she tossed him from England to Wales and back +again in her imagination. + +"I only came here yesterday," said he, as a widening in the path +permitted them to walk abreast. "Last night I went to the higher +waterfalls; they are most splendid." + +"Did you go out in all that rain?" asked Ruth, timidly. + +"Oh, yes. Rain never hinders me from walking. Indeed, it gives a new +beauty to such a country as this. Besides, my time for my excursion +is so short, I cannot afford to waste a day." + +"Then, you do not live here?" asked Ruth. + +"No! my home is in a very different place. I live in a busy town, +where at times it is difficult to feel the truth that + + + There are in this loud stunning tide + Of human care and crime, + With whom the melodies abide + Of th' everlasting chime; + Who carry music in their heart + Through dusky lane and crowded mart, + Plying their task with busier feet, + Because their secret souls a holy strain repeat. + + +I have an annual holiday, which I generally spend in Wales; and often +in this immediate neighbourhood." + +"I do not wonder at your choice," replied Ruth. "It is a beautiful +country." + +"It is, indeed; and I have been inoculated by an old innkeeper at +Conway with a love for its people, and history, and traditions. I +have picked up enough of the language to understand many of their +legends; and some are very fine and awe-inspiring, others very poetic +and fanciful." + +Ruth was too shy to keep up the conversation by any remark of her +own, although his gentle, pensive manner was very winning. + +"For instance," said he, touching a long bud-laden stem of fox-glove +in the hedge-side, at the bottom of which one or two crimson-speckled +flowers were bursting from their green sheaths, "I dare say, you +don't know what makes this fox-glove bend and sway so gracefully. You +think it is blown by the wind, don't you?" He looked at her with a +grave smile, which did not enliven his thoughtful eyes, but gave an +inexpressible sweetness to his face. + +"I always thought it was the wind. What is it?" asked Ruth, +innocently. + +"Oh, the Welsh tell you that this flower is sacred to the fairies, +and that it has the power of recognising them, and all spiritual +beings who pass by, and that it bows in deference to them as they +waft along. Its Welsh name is Maneg Ellyllyn--the good people's +glove; and hence, I imagine, our folk's-glove or fox-glove." + +"It's a very pretty fancy," said Ruth, much interested, and wishing +that he would go on, without expecting her to reply. + +But they were already at the wooden bridge; he led her across, and +then, bowing his adieu, he had taken a different path even before +Ruth had thanked him for his attention. + +It was an adventure to tell Mr Bellingham, however; and it roused and +amused him till dinner-time came, after which he sauntered forth with +a cigar. + +"Ruth," said he, when he returned, "I've seen your little hunchback. +He looks like Riquet-with-the-Tuft. He's not a gentleman, though. If +it had not been for his deformity, I should not have made him out +from your description; you called him a gentleman." + +"And don't you, sir?" asked Ruth, surprised. + +"Oh, no! he's regularly shabby and seedy in his appearance; lodging, +too, the ostler told me, over that horrible candle and cheese shop, +the smell of which is insufferable twenty yards off--no gentleman +could endure it; he must be a traveller or artist, or something of +that kind." + +"Did you see his face, sir?" asked Ruth. + +"No; but a man's back--his _tout ensemble_ has character enough in it +to decide his rank." + +"His face was very singular; quite beautiful!" said she, softly; but +the subject did not interest Mr Bellingham, and he let it drop. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +Troubles Gather About Ruth + + +The next day the weather was brave and glorious; a perfect "bridal +of the earth and sky;" and every one turned out of the inn to enjoy +the fresh beauty of nature. Ruth was quite unconscious of being the +object of remark, and, in her light, rapid passings to and fro, had +never looked at the doors and windows, where many watchers stood +observing her, and commenting upon her situation or her appearance. + +"She's a very lovely creature," said one gentleman, rising from the +breakfast-table to catch a glimpse of her as she entered from her +morning's ramble. "Not above sixteen, I should think. Very modest and +innocent-looking in her white gown!" + +His wife, busy administering to the wants of a fine little boy, could +only say (without seeing the young girl's modest ways, and gentle, +downcast countenance): + +"Well! I do think it's a shame such people should be allowed to come +here. To think of such wickedness under the same roof! Do come away, +my dear, and don't flatter her by such notice." + +The husband returned to the breakfast-table; he smelt the broiled +ham and eggs, and he heard his wife's commands. Whether smelling +or hearing had most to do in causing his obedience, I cannot tell; +perhaps you can. + +"Now, Harry, go and see if nurse and baby are ready to go out with +you. You must lose no time this beautiful morning." + +Ruth found Mr Bellingham was not yet come down; so she sallied out +for an additional half-hour's ramble. Flitting about through the +village, trying to catch all the beautiful sunny peeps at the scenery +between the cold stone houses, which threw the radiant distance into +aerial perspective far away, she passed by the little shop; and, just +issuing from it, came the nurse and baby, and little boy. The baby +sat in placid dignity in her nurse's arms, with a face of queenly +calm. Her fresh, soft, peachy complexion was really tempting; and +Ruth, who was always fond of children, went up to coo and to smile +at the little thing, and, after some "peep-boing," she was about to +snatch a kiss, when Harry, whose face had been reddening ever since +the play began, lifted up his sturdy little right arm and hit Ruth a +great blow on the face. + +"Oh, for shame, sir!" said the nurse, snatching back his hand; "how +dare you do that to the lady who is so kind as to speak to Sissy." + +"She's not a lady!" said he, indignantly. "She's a bad naughty +girl--mamma said so, she did; and she shan't kiss our baby." + +The nurse reddened in her turn. She knew what he must have heard; +but it was awkward to bring it out, standing face to face with the +elegant young lady. + +"Children pick up such notions, ma'am," said she at last, +apologetically, to Ruth, who stood, white and still, with a new idea +running through her mind. + +"It's no notion; it's true, nurse; and I heard you say it yourself. +Go away, naughty woman!" said the boy, in infantile vehemence of +passion to Ruth. + +To the nurse's infinite relief, Ruth turned away, humbly and meekly, +with bent head, and slow, uncertain steps. But as she turned, she saw +the mild sad face of the deformed gentleman, who was sitting at the +open window above the shop; he looked sadder and graver than ever; +and his eyes met her glance with an expression of deep sorrow. And +so, condemned alike by youth and age, she stole with timid step into +the house. Mr Bellingham was awaiting her coming in the sitting-room. +The glorious day restored all his buoyancy of spirits. He talked +gaily away, without pausing for a reply; while Ruth made tea, and +tried to calm her heart, which was yet beating with the agitation of +the new ideas she had received from the occurrence of the morning. +Luckily for her, the only answers required for some time were +mono-syllables; but those few words were uttered in so depressed and +mournful a tone, that at last they struck Mr Bellingham with surprise +and displeasure, as the condition of mind they unconsciously implied +did not harmonise with his own. + +"Ruth, what is the matter this morning? You really are very +provoking. Yesterday, when everything was gloomy, and you might have +been aware that I was out of spirits, I heard nothing but expressions +of delight; to-day, when every creature under heaven is rejoicing, +you look most deplorable and woe-begone. You really should learn to +have a little sympathy." + +The tears fell quickly down Ruth's cheeks, but she did not speak. +She could not put into words the sense she was just beginning to +entertain of the estimation in which she was henceforward to be held. +She thought he would be as much grieved as she was at what had taken +place that morning; she fancied she should sink in his opinion if she +told him how others regarded her; besides, it seemed ungenerous to +dilate upon the suffering of which he was the cause. + +"I will not," thought she, "embitter his life; I will try and be +cheerful. I must not think of myself so much. If I can but make him +happy, what need I care for chance speeches?" + +Accordingly, she made every effort possible to be as light-hearted as +he was; but, somehow, the moment she relaxed, thoughts would intrude, +and wonders would force themselves upon her mind; so that altogether +she was not the gay and bewitching companion Mr Bellingham had +previously found her. + +They sauntered out for a walk. The path they chose led to a wood on +the side of a hill, and they entered, glad of the shade of the trees. +At first, it appeared like any common grove, but they soon came to a +deep descent, on the summit of which they stood, looking down on the +tree-tops, which were softly waving far beneath their feet. There was +a path leading sharp down, and they followed it; the ledge of rock +made it almost like going down steps, and their walk grew into a +bounding, and their bounding into a run, before they reached the +lowest plane. A green gloom reigned there; it was the still hour of +noon; the little birds were quiet in some leafy shade. They went on a +few yards, and then they came to a circular pool overshadowed by the +trees, whose highest boughs had been beneath their feet a few minutes +before. The pond was hardly below the surface of the ground, and +there was nothing like a bank on any side. A heron was standing there +motionless, but when he saw them he flapped his wings and slowly +rose, and soared above the green heights of the wood up into the very +sky itself, for at that depth the trees appeared to touch the round +white clouds which brooded over the earth. The speed-well grew in +the shallowest water of the pool, and all around its margin, but the +flowers were hardly seen at first, so deep was the green shadow cast +by the trees. In the very middle of the pond the sky was mirrored +clear and dark, a blue which looked as if a black void lay behind. + +"Oh, there are water-lilies," said Ruth, her eye catching on the +farther side. "I must go and get some." + +"No; I will get them for you. The ground is spongy all round there. +Sit still, Ruth; this heap of grass will make a capital seat." + +He went round, and she waited quietly for his return. When he came +back he took off her bonnet, without speaking, and began to place +his flowers in her hair. She was quite still while he arranged her +coronet, looking up in his face with loving eyes, with a peaceful +composure. She knew that he was pleased from his manner, which had +the joyousness of a child playing with a new toy, and she did not +think twice of his occupation. It was pleasant to forget everything +except his pleasure. When he had decked her out, he said: + +"There, Ruth! now you'll do. Come and look at yourself in the pond. +Here, where there are no weeds. Come." + +She obeyed, and could not help seeing her own loveliness; it gave +her a sense of satisfaction for an instant, as the sight of any +other beautiful object would have done, but she never thought of +associating it with herself. She knew that she was beautiful; but +that seemed abstract, and removed from herself. Her existence was in +feeling, and thinking, and loving. + +Down in that green hollow they were quite in harmony. Her beauty was +all that Mr Bellingham cared for, and it was supreme. It was all he +recognised of her, and he was proud of it. She stood in her white +dress against the trees which grew around; her face was flushed into +a brilliancy of colour which resembled that of a rose in June; the +great heavy white flowers drooped on either side of her beautiful +head, and if her brown hair was a little disordered, the very +disorder only seemed to add a grace. She pleased him more by looking +so lovely than by all her tender endeavours to fall in with his +varying humour. + +But when they left the wood, and Ruth had taken out her flowers, and +resumed her bonnet, as they came near the inn, the simple thought of +giving him pleasure was not enough to secure Ruth's peace. She became +pensive and sad, and could not rally into gaiety. + +"Really, Ruth," said he, that evening, "you must not encourage +yourself in this habit of falling into melancholy reveries without +any cause. You have been sighing twenty times during the last +half-hour. Do be a little cheerful. Remember, I have no companion but +you in this out-of-the-way place." + +"I am very sorry, sir," said Ruth, her eyes filling with tears; and +then she remembered that it was very dull for him to be alone with +her, heavy-hearted as she had been all day. She said in a sweet, +penitent tone: + +"Would you be so kind as to teach me one of those games at cards you +were speaking about yesterday, sir? I would do my best to learn." + +Her soft, murmuring voice won its way. They rang for the cards, and +he soon forgot that there was such a thing as depression or gloom in +the world, in the pleasure of teaching such a beautiful ignoramus the +mysteries of card-playing. + +"There!" said he, at last, "that's enough for one lesson. Do you +know, little goose, your blunders have made me laugh myself into one +of the worst headaches I have had for years." + +He threw himself on the sofa, and in an instant she was by his side. + +"Let me put my cool hands on your forehead," she begged; "that used +to do mamma good." + +He lay still, his face away from the light, and not speaking. +Presently he fell asleep. Ruth put out the candles, and sat patiently +by him for a long time, fancying he would awaken refreshed. The room +grew cool in the night air; but Ruth dared not rouse him from what +appeared to be sound, restoring slumber. She covered him with her +shawl, which she had thrown over a chair on coming in from their +twilight ramble. She had ample time to think; but she tried to banish +thought. At last, his breathing became quick and oppressed, and, +after listening to it for some minutes with increasing affright, Ruth +ventured to waken him. He seemed stupified and shivery. Ruth became +more and more terrified; all the household were asleep except one +servant-girl, who was wearied out of what little English she had +knowledge of in more waking hours, and she could only answer, "Iss, +indeed, ma'am," to any question put to her by Ruth. + +She sat by the bedside all night long. He moaned and tossed, but +never spoke sensibly. It was a new form of illness to the miserable +Ruth. Her yesterday's suffering went into the black distance of +long-past years. The present was all-in-all. When she heard people +stirring, she went in search of Mrs Morgan, whose shrewd, sharp +manners, unsoftened by inward respect for the poor girl, had awed +Ruth even when Mr Bellingham was by to protect her. + +"Mrs Morgan," said she, sitting down in the little parlour +appropriated to the landlady, for she felt her strength suddenly +desert her--"Mrs Morgan, I'm afraid Mr Bellingham is very ill;"--here +she burst into tears, but instantly checking herself, "Oh, what +must I do?" continued she; "I don't think he has known anything all +through the night, and he looks so strange and wild this morning." + +She gazed up into Mrs Morgan's face, as if reading an oracle. + +"Indeed, miss, ma'am, and it's a very awkward thing. But don't cry, +that can do no good, 'deed it can't. I'll go and see the poor young +man myself, and then I can judge if a doctor is wanting." + +Ruth followed Mrs Morgan upstairs. When they entered the sick-room Mr +Bellingham was sitting up in bed, looking wildly about him, and as he +saw them, he exclaimed: + +"Ruth! Ruth! come here; I won't be left alone!" and then he fell down +exhausted on the pillow. Mrs Morgan went up and spoke to him, but he +did not answer or take any notice. + +"I'll send for Mr Jones, my dear, 'deed and I will; we'll have him +here in a couple of hours, please God." + +"Oh, can't he come sooner?" asked Ruth, wild with terror. + +"'Deed no; he lives at Llanglas when he's at home, and that's seven +mile away, and he may be gone a round eight or nine mile on the other +side Llanglas; but I'll send a boy on the pony directly." + +Saying this, Mrs Morgan left Ruth alone. There was nothing to be +done, for Mr Bellingham had again fallen into a heavy sleep. Sounds +of daily life began, bells rang, breakfast-services clattered up +and down the passages, and Ruth sat on shivering by the bedside in +that darkened room. Mrs Morgan sent her breakfast upstairs by a +chambermaid, but Ruth motioned it away in her sick agony, and the +girl had no right to urge her to partake of it. That alone broke the +monotony of the long morning. She heard the sound of merry parties +setting out on excursions, on horseback or in carriages; and once, +stiff and wearied, she stole to the window, and looked out on one +side of the blind; but the day looked bright and discordant to her +aching, anxious heart. The gloom of the darkened room was better and +more befitting. + +It was some hours after he was summoned before the doctor made his +appearance. He questioned his patient, and, receiving no coherent +answers, he asked Ruth concerning the symptoms; but when she +questioned him in turn he only shook his head and looked grave. He +made a sign to Mrs Morgan to follow him out of the room, and they +went down to her parlour, leaving Ruth in a depth of despair, lower +than she could have thought it possible there remained for her to +experience, an hour before. + +"I am afraid this is a bad case," said Mr Jones to Mrs Morgan in +Welsh. "A brain-fever has evidently set in." + +"Poor young gentleman! poor young man! He looked the very picture of +health!" + +"That very appearance of robustness will, in all probability, make +his disorder more violent. However, we must hope for the best, Mrs +Morgan. Who is to attend upon him? He will require careful nursing. +Is that young lady his sister? She looks too young to be his wife?" + +"No, indeed! Gentlemen like you must know, Mr Jones, that we can't +always look too closely into the ways of young men who come to +our houses. Not but what I'm sorry for her, for she's an innocent, +inoffensive young creature. I always think it right, for my own +morals, to put a little scorn into my manners when such as her come +to stay here; but, indeed, she's so gentle, I've found it hard work +to show the proper contempt." + +She would have gone on to her inattentive listener if she had not +heard a low tap at the door, which recalled her from her morality, +and Mr Jones from his consideration of the necessary prescriptions. + +"Come in!" said Mrs Morgan, sharply. And Ruth came in. She was white +and trembling; but she stood in that dignity which strong feeling, +kept down by self-command, always imparts. + +"I wish you, sir, to be so kind as to tell me, clearly and +distinctly, what I must do for Mr Bellingham. Every direction +you give me shall be most carefully attended to. You spoke about +leeches--I can put them on, and see about them. Tell me everything, +sir, that you wish to have done!" + +Her manner was calm and serious, and her countenance and deportment +showed that the occasion was calling out strength sufficient to meet +it. Mr Jones spoke with a deference which he had not thought of using +upstairs, even while he supposed her to be the sister of the invalid. +Ruth listened gravely; she repeated some of the injunctions, in order +that she might be sure that she fully comprehended them, and then, +bowing, left the room. + +"She is no common person," said Mr Jones. "Still she is too young to +have the responsibility of such a serious case. Have you any idea +where his friends live, Mrs Morgan?" + +"Indeed and I have. His mother, as haughty a lady as you would wish +to see, came travelling through Wales last year; she stopped here, +and, I warrant you, nothing was good enough for her; she was real +quality. She left some clothes and books behind her (for the maid was +almost as fine as the mistress, and little thought of seeing after +her lady's clothes, having a taste for going to see scenery along +with the man-servant), and we had several letters from her. I have +them locked in the drawers in the bar, where I keep such things." + +"Well! I should recommend your writing to the lady, and telling her +her son's state." + +"It would be a favour, Mr Jones, if you would just write it yourself. +English writing comes so strange to my pen." + +The letter was written, and, in order to save time, Mr Jones took it +to the Llanglas post-office. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +The Crisis--Watching and Waiting + + +Ruth put away every thought of the past or future; everything that +could unfit her for the duties of the present. Exceeding love +supplied the place of experience. She never left the room after the +first day; she forced herself to eat, because his service needed her +strength. She did not indulge in any tears, because the weeping she +longed for would make her less able to attend upon him. She watched, +and waited, and prayed: prayed with an utter forgetfulness of self, +only with a consciousness that God was all-powerful, and that he, +whom she loved so much, needed the aid of the Mighty One. + +Day and night, the summer night, seemed merged into one. She lost +count of time in the hushed and darkened room. One morning Mrs Morgan +beckoned her out; and she stole on tiptoe into the dazzling gallery, +on one side of which the bedrooms opened. + +"She's come," whispered Mrs Morgan, looking very much excited, and +forgetting that Ruth had never heard that Mrs Bellingham had been +summoned. + +"Who is come?" asked Ruth. The idea of Mrs Mason flashed through her +mind--but with a more terrible, because a more vague dread, she heard +that it was his mother; the mother of whom he had always spoken as a +person whose opinion was to be regarded more than that of any other +individual. + +"What must I do? Will she be angry with me?" said she, relapsing into +her child-like dependence on others; and feeling that even Mrs Morgan +was some one to stand between her and Mrs Bellingham. + +Mrs Morgan herself was a little perplexed. Her morality was rather +shocked at the idea of a proper real lady like Mrs Bellingham +discovering that she had winked at the connexion between her son and +Ruth. She was quite inclined to encourage Ruth in her inclination +to shrink out of Mrs Bellingham's observation, an inclination which +arose from no definite consciousness of having done wrong, but +principally from the representations she had always heard of the +lady's awfulness. Mrs Bellingham swept into her son's room as if she +were unconscious what poor young creature had lately haunted it; +while Ruth hurried into some unoccupied bedroom, and, alone there, +she felt her self-restraint suddenly give way, and burst into the +saddest, most utterly wretched weeping she had ever known. She was +worn out with watching, and exhausted by passionate crying, and she +lay down on the bed and fell asleep. The day passed on; she slumbered +unnoticed and unregarded; she awoke late in the evening with a +sense of having done wrong in sleeping so long; the strain upon +her responsibility had not yet left her. Twilight was closing fast +around; she waited until it had become night, and then she stole down +to Mrs Morgan's parlour. + +"If you please, may I come in?" asked she. + +Jenny Morgan was doing up the hieroglyphics which she called her +accounts; she answered sharply enough, but it was a permission to +enter, and Ruth was thankful for it. + +"Will you tell me how he is? Do you think I may go back to him?" + +"No, indeed, that you may not. Nest, who has made his room tidy these +many days, is not fit to go in now. Mrs Bellingham has brought her +own maid, and the family nurse, and Mr Bellingham's man; such a tribe +of servants and no end to packages; water-beds coming by the carrier, +and a doctor from London coming down to-morrow, as if feather-beds +and Mr Jones was not good enough. Why, she won't let a soul of us +into the room; there's no chance for you!" + +Ruth sighed. "How is he?" she inquired, after a pause. + +"How can I tell indeed, when I'm not allowed to go near him? Mr Jones +said to-night was a turning point; but I doubt it, for it is four +days since he was taken ill, and who ever heard of a sick person +taking a turn on an even number of days; it's always on the third, or +the fifth, or seventh, or so on. He'll not turn till to-morrow night, +take my word for it, and their fine London doctor will get all the +credit, and honest Mr Jones will be thrown aside. I don't think he +will get better myself, though--Gelert does not howl for nothing. My +patience! what's the matter with the girl?--lord, child, you're never +going to faint, and be ill on my hands?" Her sharp voice recalled +Ruth from the sick unconsciousness that had been creeping over her +as she listened to the latter part of this speech. She sat down +and could not speak--the room whirled round and round--her white +feebleness touched Mrs Morgan's heart. + +"You've had no tea, I guess. Indeed, and the girls are very +careless." She rang the bell with energy, and seconded her pull +by going to the door and shouting out sharp directions, in Welsh, +to Nest and Gwen, and three or four other rough, kind, slatternly +servants. + +They brought her tea, which was comfortable, according to the idea of +comfort prevalent in that rude, hospitable place; there was plenty to +eat, too much, indeed, for it revolted the appetite it was intended +to provoke. But the heartiness with which the kind, rosy waiter +pressed her to eat, and the scolding Mrs Morgan gave her when she +found the buttered toast untouched (toast on which she had herself +desired that the butter might not be spared), did Ruth more good than +the tea. She began to hope, and to long for the morning when hope +might have become certainty. It was all in vain that she was told +that the room she had been in all day was at her service; she did not +say a word, but she was not going to bed that night, of all nights in +the year, when life or death hung trembling in the balance. She went +into the bedroom till the bustling house was still, and heard busy +feet passing to and fro in the room she might not enter; and voices, +imperious, though hushed down to a whisper, ask for innumerable +things. Then there was silence; and when she thought that all were +dead asleep, except the watchers, she stole out into the gallery. On +the other side were two windows, cut into the thick stone wall, and +flower pots were placed on the shelves thus formed, where great, +untrimmed, straggling geraniums grew, and strove to reach the light. +The window near Mr Bellingham's door was open; the soft, warm-scented +night air came sighing in in faint gusts, and then was still. It was +summer; there was no black darkness in the twenty-four hours; only +the light grew dusky, and colour disappeared from objects, of which +the shape and form remained distinct. A soft grey oblong of barred +light fell on the flat wall opposite to the windows, and deeper grey +shadows marked out the tracery of the plants, more graceful thus than +in reality. Ruth crouched where no light fell. She sat on the ground +close by the door; her whole existence was absorbed in listening; +all was still; it was only her heart beating with the strong, heavy, +regular sound of a hammer. She wished she could stop its rushing, +incessant clang. She heard a rustle of a silken gown, and knew it +ought not to have been worn in a sick-room; for her senses seemed to +have passed into the keeping of the invalid, and to feel only as he +felt. The noise was probably occasioned by some change of posture in +the watcher inside, for it was once more dead-still. The soft wind +outside sank with a low, long, distant moan among the windings of +the hills, and lost itself there, and came no more again. But Ruth's +heart beat loud. She rose with as little noise as if she were a +vision, and crept to the open window to try and lose the nervous +listening for the ever-recurring sound. Out beyond, under the calm +sky, veiled with a mist rather than with a cloud, rose the high, dark +outlines of the mountains, shutting in that village as if it lay in a +nest. They stood, like giants, solemnly watching for the end of Earth +and Time. Here and there a black round shadow reminded Ruth of some +"Cwm," or hollow, where she and her lover had rambled in sun and +in gladness. She then thought the land enchanted into everlasting +brightness and happiness; she fancied, then, that into a region so +lovely no bale or woe could enter, but would be charmed away and +disappear before the sight of the glorious guardian mountains. Now +she knew the truth, that earth has no barrier which avails against +agony. It comes lightning-like down from heaven, into the mountain +house and the town garret; into the palace and into the cottage. The +garden lay close under the house; a bright spot enough by day; for +in that soil, whatever was planted grew and blossomed in spite of +neglect. The white roses glimmered out in the dusk all the night +through; the red were lost in shadow. Between the low boundary of +the garden and the hills swept one or two green meadows; Ruth looked +into the grey darkness till she traced each separate wave of outline. +Then she heard a little restless bird chirp out its wakefulness from +a nest in the ivy round the walls of the house. But the mother-bird +spread her soft feathers, and hushed it into silence. Presently, +however, many little birds began to scent the coming dawn, and +rustled among the leaves, and chirruped loud and clear. Just above +the horizon, too, the mist became a silvery grey cloud hanging on the +edge of the world; presently it turned shimmering white; and then, +in an instant, it flushed into rose, and the mountain-tops sprang +into heaven, and bathed in the presence of the shadow of God. With +a bound, the sun of a molten fiery red came above the horizon, and +immediately thousands of little birds sang out for joy, and a soft +chorus of mysterious, glad murmurs came forth from the earth; the low +whispering wind left its hiding-place among the clefts and hollows of +the hills, and wandered among the rustling herbs and trees, waking +the flower-buds to the life of another day. Ruth gave a sigh of +relief that the night was over and gone; for she knew that soon +suspense would be ended, and the verdict known, whether for life or +for death. She grew faint and sick with anxiety; it almost seemed +as if she must go into the room and learn the truth. Then she heard +movements, but they were not sharp or rapid, as if prompted by any +emergency; then, again, it was still. She sat curled up upon the +floor, with her head thrown back against the wall, and her hands +clasped round her knees. She had yet to wait. Meanwhile, the invalid +was slowly rousing himself from a long, deep, sound, health-giving +sleep. His mother had sat by him the night through, and was now +daring to change her position for the first time; she was even +venturing to give directions in a low voice to the old nurse, who +had dozed away in an arm-chair, ready to obey any summons of her +mistress. Mrs Bellingham went on tiptoe towards the door, and chiding +herself because her stiff, weary limbs made some slight noise. She +had an irrepressible longing for a few minutes' change of scene after +her night of watching. She felt that the crisis was over; and the +relief to her mind made her conscious of every bodily feeling and +irritation, which had passed unheeded as long as she had been in +suspense. + +She slowly opened the door. Ruth sprang upright at the first sound +of the creaking handle. Her very lips were stiff and unpliable with +the force of the blood which rushed to her head. It seemed as if she +could not form words. She stood right before Mrs Bellingham. "How is +he, madam?" + +Mrs Bellingham was for a moment surprised at the white apparition +which seemed to rise out of the ground. But her quick, proud mind +understood it all in an instant. This was the girl, then, whose +profligacy had led her son astray; had raised up barriers in the way +of her favourite scheme of his marriage with Miss Duncombe; nay, this +was the real cause of his illness, his mortal danger at this present +time, and of her bitter, keen anxiety. If, under any circumstances, +Mrs Bellingham could have been guilty of the ill-breeding of not +answering a question, it was now; and for a moment she was tempted to +pass on in silence. Ruth could not wait; she spoke again: + +"For the love of God, madam, speak! How is he? Will he live?" + +If she did not answer her, she thought the creature was desperate +enough to force her way into his room. So she spoke. + +"He has slept well: he is better." + +"Oh! my God, I thank Thee," murmured Ruth, sinking back against the +wall. + +It was too much to hear this wretched girl thanking God for her son's +life; as if, in fact, she had any lot or part in him, and to dare to +speak to the Almighty on her son's behalf! Mrs Bellingham looked at +her with cold, contemptuous eyes, whose glances were like ice-bolts, +and made Ruth shiver up away from them. + +"Young woman, if you have any propriety or decency left, I trust that +you will not dare to force yourself into his room." + +She stood for a moment as if awaiting an answer, and half expecting +it to be a defiance. But she did not understand Ruth. She did not +imagine the faithful trustfulness of her heart. Ruth believed that +if Mr Bellingham was alive and likely to live, all was well. When he +wanted her, he would send for her, ask for her, yearn for her, till +every one would yield before his steadfast will. At present she +imagined that he was probably too weak to care or know who was about +him; and though it would have been an infinite delight to her to +hover and brood around him, yet it was of him she thought and not +of herself. She gently drew herself on one side to make way for Mrs +Bellingham to pass. + +By-and-by Mrs Morgan came up. Ruth was still near the door, from +which it seemed as if she could not tear herself away. + +"Indeed, miss, and you must not hang about the door in this way; it +is not pretty manners. Mrs Bellingham has been speaking very sharp +and cross about it, and I shall lose the character of my inn if +people take to talking as she does. Did not I give you a room last +night to keep in, and never be seen or heard of; and did I not tell +you what a particular lady Mrs Bellingham was, but you must come out +here right in her way? Indeed, it was not pretty, nor grateful to me, +Jenny Morgan, and that I must say." + +Ruth turned away like a chidden child. Mrs Morgan followed her to her +room, scolding as she went; and then, having cleared her heart after +her wont by uttering hasty words, her real kindness made her add, in +a softened tone: + +"You stop up here like a good girl. I'll send you your breakfast +by-and-by, and let you know from time to time how he is; and you can +go out for a walk, you know; but if you do, I'll take it as a favour +if you'll go out by the side door. It will, maybe, save scandal." + +All that day long, Ruth kept herself close prisoner in the room to +which Mrs Morgan accorded her; all that day, and many succeeding +days. But at nights, when the house was still, and even the little +brown mice had gathered up the crumbs, and darted again to their +holes, Ruth stole out, and crept to his door to catch, if she could, +the sound of his beloved voice. She could tell by its tones how he +felt, and how he was getting on, as well as any of the watchers in +the room. She yearned and pined to see him once more; but she had +reasoned herself down into something like patience. When he was well +enough to leave his room, when he had not always one of the nurses +with him, then he would send for her, and she would tell him how very +patient she had been for his dear sake. But it was long to wait even +with this thought of the manner in which the waiting would end. Poor +Ruth! her faith was only building up vain castles in the air; they +towered up into heaven, it is true, but, after all, they were but +visions. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +Mrs Bellingham "Does the Thing Handsomely" + + +If Mr Bellingham did not get rapidly well, it was more owing to +the morbid querulous fancy attendant on great weakness than from +any unfavourable medical symptom. But he turned away with peevish +loathing from the very sight of food, prepared in the slovenly manner +which had almost disgusted him when he was well. It was of no use +telling him that Simpson, his mother's maid, had superintended the +preparation at every point. He offended her by detecting something +offensive and to be avoided in her daintiest messes, and made Mrs +Morgan mutter many a hasty speech, which, however, Mrs Bellingham +thought it better not to hear until her son should be strong enough +to travel. + +"I think you are better to-day," said she, as his man wheeled his +sofa to the bedroom window. "We shall get you downstairs to-morrow." + +"If it were to get away from this abominable place, I could go down +to-day; but I believe I'm to be kept prisoner here for ever. I shall +never get well here, I'm sure." + +He sank back on his sofa in impatient despair. The surgeon was +announced, and eagerly questioned by Mrs Bellingham as to the +possibility of her son's removal; and he, having heard the same +anxiety for the same end expressed by Mrs Morgan in the regions +below, threw no great obstacles in the way. After the doctor had +taken his departure, Mrs Bellingham cleared her throat several times. +Mr Bellingham knew the prelude of old, and winced with nervous +annoyance. + +"Henry, there is something I must speak to you about; an unpleasant +subject, certainly, but one which has been forced upon me by the very +girl herself; you must be aware to what I refer without giving me the +pain of explaining myself." + +Mr Bellingham turned himself sharply round to the wall, and prepared +himself for a lecture by concealing his face from her notice; but she +herself was in too nervous a state to be capable of observation. + +"Of course," she continued, "it was my wish to be as blind to the +whole affair as possible, though you can't imagine how Mrs Mason has +blazoned it abroad; all Fordham rings with it; but of course it could +not be pleasant, or, indeed, I may say correct, for me to be aware +that a person of such improper character was under the same--I beg +your pardon, dear Henry, what do you say?" + +"Ruth is no improper character, mother; you do her injustice!" + +"My dear boy, you don't mean to uphold her as a paragon of virtue!" + +"No, mother, but I led her wrong; I--" + +"We will let all discussions into the cause or duration of her +present character drop, if you please," said Mrs Bellingham, with +the sort of dignified authority which retained a certain power over +her son--a power which originated in childhood, and which he only +defied when he was roused into passion. He was too weak in body to +oppose himself to her, and fight the ground inch by inch. "As I have +implied, I do not wish to ascertain your share of blame; from what +I saw of her one morning, I am convinced of her forward, intrusive +manners, utterly without shame, or even common modesty." + +"What are you referring to?" asked Mr Bellingham, sharply. + +"Why, when you were at the worst, and I had been watching you all +night, and had just gone out in the morning for a breath of fresh +air, this girl pushed herself before me, and insisted upon speaking +to me. I really had to send Mrs Morgan to her before I could return +to your room. A more impudent, hardened manner, I never saw." + +"Ruth was neither impudent nor hardened; she was ignorant enough, and +might offend from knowing no better." + +He was getting weary of the discussion, and wished it had never +been begun. From the time he had become conscious of his mother's +presence, he had felt the dilemma he was in in regard to Ruth, and +various plans had directly crossed his brain; but it had been so +troublesome to weigh and consider them all properly, that they +had been put aside to be settled when he grew stronger. But this +difficulty in which he was placed by his connexion with Ruth, +associated the idea of her in his mind with annoyance and angry +regret at the whole affair. He wished, in the languid way in which +he wished and felt everything not immediately relating to his daily +comfort, that he had never seen her. It was a most awkward, a most +unfortunate affair. Notwithstanding this annoyance connected with +and arising out of Ruth, he would not submit to hear her abused; +and something in his manner impressed this on his mother, for she +immediately changed her mode of attack. + +"We may as well drop all dispute as to the young woman's manners; +but I suppose you do not mean to defend your connexion with her; I +suppose you are not so lost to all sense of propriety as to imagine +it fit or desirable that your mother and this degraded girl should +remain under the same roof, liable to meet at any hour of the day?" +She waited for an answer, but no answer came. + +"I ask you a simple question; is it, or is it not desirable?" + +"I suppose it is not," he replied, gloomily. + +"And _I_ suppose, from your manner, that you think the difficulty +would be best solved by my taking my departure, and leaving you with +your vicious companion?" + +Again no answer, but inward and increasing annoyance, of which Mr +Bellingham considered Ruth the cause. At length he spoke. + +"Mother, you are not helping me in my difficulty. I have no desire +to banish you, nor to hurt you, after all your care for me. Ruth has +not been so much to blame as you imagine, that I must say; but I +do not wish to see her again, if you can tell me how to arrange it +otherwise, without behaving unhandsomely. Only spare me all this +worry while I am so weak. I put myself in your hands. Dismiss her, as +you wish it; but let it be done handsomely, and let me hear no more +about it; I cannot bear it; let me have a quiet life, without being +lectured while I am pent up here, and unable to shake off unpleasant +thoughts." + +"My dear Henry, rely upon me." + +"No more, mother; it's a bad business, and I can hardly avoid blaming +myself in the matter; I don't want to dwell upon it." + +"Don't be too severe in your self-reproaches while you are so feeble, +dear Henry; it is right to repent, but I have no doubt in my own mind +she led you wrong with her artifices. But, as you say, everything +should be done handsomely. I confess I was deeply grieved when I +first heard of the affair, but since I have seen the girl-- Well! +I'll say no more about her, since I see it displeases you; but I am +thankful to God that you see the error of your ways." + +She sat silent, thinking for a little while, and then sent for her +writing-case, and began to write. Her son became restless, and +nervously irritated. + +"Mother," he said, "this affair worries me to death. I cannot shake +off the thoughts of it." + +"Leave it to me, I'll arrange it satisfactorily." + +"Could we not leave to-night? I should not be so haunted by this +annoyance in another place. I dread seeing her again, because I fear +a scene; and yet I believe I ought to see her, in order to explain." + +"You must not think of such a thing, Henry," said she, alarmed at +the very idea. "Sooner than that, we will leave in half an hour, and +try to get to Pen tre Voelas to-night. It is not yet three, and the +evenings are very long. Simpson should stay and finish the packing; +she could go straight to London and meet us there. Macdonald and +nurse could go with us. Could you bear twenty miles, do you think?" + +Anything to get rid of his uneasiness. He felt that he was not +behaving as he should do, to Ruth, though the really right never +entered his head. But it would extricate him from his present +dilemma, and save him many lectures; he knew that his mother, always +liberal where money was concerned, would "do the thing handsomely," +and it would always be easy to write and give Ruth what explanation +he felt inclined, in a day or two; so he consented, and soon lost +some of his uneasiness in watching the bustle of the preparation for +their departure. + +All this time Ruth was quietly spending in her room, beguiling the +waiting, weary hours, with pictures of the meeting at the end. +Her room looked to the back, and was in a side-wing away from the +principal state apartments, consequently she was not roused to +suspicion by any of the commotion; but, indeed, if she had heard +the banging of doors, the sharp directions, the carriage-wheels, +she would still not have suspected the truth; her own love was too +faithful. + +It was four o'clock and past, when some one knocked at her door, +and, on entering, gave her a note, which Mrs Bellingham had left. +That lady had found some difficulty in wording it, so as to satisfy +herself, but it was as follows: + + + My son, on recovering from his illness, is, I thank God, + happily conscious of the sinful way in which he has been + living with you. By his earnest desire, and in order to + avoid seeing you again, we are on the point of leaving + this place; but before I go, I wish to exhort you to + repentance, and to remind you that you will not have your + own guilt alone upon your head, but that of any young man + whom you may succeed in entrapping into vice. I shall + pray that you may turn to an honest life, and I strongly + recommend you, if indeed you are not 'dead in trespasses + and sins,' to enter some penitentiary. In accordance + with my son's wishes, I forward you in this envelope a + bank-note of fifty pounds. + + MARGARET BELLINGHAM. + + +Was this the end of all? Had he, indeed, gone? She started up, and +asked this last question of the servant, who, half guessing at the +purport of the note, had lingered about the room, curious to see the +effect produced. + +"Iss, indeed, miss; the carriage drove from the door as I came +upstairs. You'll see it now on the Yspytty road, if you'll please to +come to the window of No. 24." + +Ruth started up, and followed the chambermaid. Aye, there it was, +slowly winding up the steep white road, on which it seemed to move at +a snail's pace. + +She might overtake him--she might--she might speak one farewell word +to him, print his face on her heart with a last look--nay, when +he saw her he might retract, and not utterly, for ever, leave her. +Thus she thought; and she flew back to her room, and snatching up +her bonnet, ran, tying the strings with her trembling hands as she +went down the stairs, out at the nearest door, little heeding the +angry words of Mrs Morgan; for the hostess, more irritated at Mrs +Bellingham's severe upbraiding at parting, than mollified by her +ample payment, was offended by the circumstance of Ruth, in her wild +haste, passing through the prohibited front door. + +But Ruth was away before Mrs Morgan had finished her speech, out +and away, scudding along the road, thought-lost in the breathless +rapidity of her motion. Though her heart and head beat almost to +bursting, what did it signify if she could but overtake the carriage? +It was a nightmare, constantly evading the most passionate wishes and +endeavours, and constantly gaining ground. Every time it was visible +it was in fact more distant, but Ruth would not believe it. If she +could but gain the summit of that weary, everlasting hill, she +believed that she could run again, and would soon be nigh upon the +carriage. As she ran, she prayed with wild eagerness; she prayed that +she might see his face once more, even if she died on the spot before +him. It was one of those prayers which God is too merciful to grant; +but despairing and wild as it was, Ruth put her soul into it, and +prayed it again, and yet again. + +Wave above wave of the ever-rising hills were gained, were crossed, +and at last Ruth struggled up to the very top and stood on the bare +table of moor, brown and purple, stretching far away till it was lost +in the haze of the summer afternoon; and the white road was all flat +before her, but the carriage she sought and the figure she sought had +disappeared. There was no human being there; a few wild, black-faced +mountain sheep quietly grazing near the road, as if it were long +since they had been disturbed by the passing of any vehicle, was all +the life she saw on the bleak moorland. + +She threw herself down on the ling by the side of the road in +despair. Her only hope was to die, and she believed she was dying. +She could not think; she could believe anything. Surely life was a +horrible dream, and God would mercifully awaken her from it. She had +no penitence, no consciousness of error or offence; no knowledge +of any one circumstance but that he was gone. Yet afterwards, long +afterwards, she remembered the exact motion of a bright green beetle +busily meandering among the wild thyme near her, and she recalled the +musical, balanced, wavering drop of a skylark into her nest near the +heather-bed where she lay. The sun was sinking low, the hot air had +ceased to quiver near the hotter earth, when she bethought her once +more of the note which she had impatiently thrown down before half +mastering its contents. "Oh, perhaps," she thought, "I have been too +hasty. There may be some words of explanation from him on the other +side of the page, to which, in my blind anguish, I never turned. I +will go and find it." + +She lifted herself heavily and stiffly from the crushed heather. +She stood dizzy and confused with her change of posture; and was so +unable to move at first, that her walk was but slow and tottering; +but, by-and-by, she was tasked and goaded by thoughts which forced +her into rapid motion, as if, by it, she could escape from her agony. +She came down on the level ground, just as many gay or peaceful +groups were sauntering leisurely home with hearts at ease; with low +laughs and quiet smiles, and many an exclamation at the beauty of the +summer evening. + +Ever since her adventure with the little boy and his sister, Ruth had +habitually avoided encountering these happy--innocents, may I call +them?--these happy fellow-mortals! And even now, the habit grounded +on sorrowful humiliation had power over her; she paused, and then, +on looking back, she saw more people who had come into the main road +from a side path. She opened a gate into a pasture-field, and crept +up to the hedge-bank until all should have passed by, and she could +steal into the inn unseen. She sat down on the sloping turf by the +roots of an old hawthorn-tree which grew in the hedge; she was still +tearless with hot burning eyes; she heard the merry walkers pass by; +she heard the footsteps of the village children as they ran along to +their evening play; she saw the small black cows come into the fields +after being milked; and life seemed yet abroad. When would the world +be still and dark, and fit for such a deserted, desolate creature +as she was? Even in her hiding-place she was not long at peace. The +little children, with their curious eyes peering here and there, had +peeped through the hedge, and through the gate, and now they gathered +from all the four corners of the hamlet, and crowded round the gate; +and one more adventurous than the rest had run into the field to +cry, "Gi' me a halfpenny," which set the example to every little one, +emulous of his boldness; and there, where she sat, low on the ground, +and longing for the sure hiding-place earth gives to the weary, the +children kept running in, and pushing one another forwards, and +laughing. Poor things; their time had not come for understanding what +sorrow is. Ruth would have begged them to leave her alone, and not +madden her utterly; but they knew no English save the one eternal +"Gi' me a halfpenny." She felt in her heart that there was no pity +anywhere. Suddenly, while she thus doubted God, a shadow fell across +her garments, on which her miserable eyes were bent. She looked up. +The deformed gentleman she had twice before seen, stood there. He had +been attracted by the noisy little crowd, and had questioned them in +Welsh, but not understanding enough of the language to comprehend +their answers, he had obeyed their signs, and entered the gate to +which they pointed. There he saw the young girl whom he had noticed +at first for her innocent beauty, and the second time for the idea he +had gained respecting her situation; there he saw her, crouched up +like some hunted creature, with a wild, scared look of despair, which +almost made her lovely face seem fierce; he saw her dress soiled and +dim, her bonnet crushed and battered with her tossings to and fro on +the moorland bed; he saw the poor, lost wanderer, and when he saw +her, he had compassion on her. + +There was some look of heavenly pity in his eyes, as gravely and +sadly they met her upturned gaze, which touched her stony heart. +Still looking at him, as if drawing some good influence from him, +she said low and mournfully, "He has left me, sir!--sir, he has +indeed--he has gone and left me!" + +Before he could speak a word to comfort her, she had burst into the +wildest, dreariest crying ever mortal cried. The settled form of the +event, when put into words, went sharp to her heart; her moans and +sobs wrung his soul; but as no speech of his could be heard, if he +had been able to decide what best to say, he stood by her in apparent +calmness, while she, wretched, wailed and uttered her woe. But when +she lay worn out, and stupefied into silence, she heard him say to +himself, in a low voice: + +"Oh, my God! for Christ's sake, pity her!" + +Ruth lifted up her eyes, and looked at him with a dim perception of +the meaning of his words. She regarded him fixedly in a dreamy way, +as if they struck some chord in her heart, and she were listening to +its echo; and so it was. His pitiful look, or his words, reminded her +of the childish days when she knelt at her mother's knee, and she was +only conscious of a straining, longing desire to recall it all. + +He let her take her time, partly because he was powerfully affected +himself by all the circumstances, and by the sad pale face upturned +to his; and partly by an instinctive consciousness that the softest +patience was required. But suddenly she startled him, as she herself +was startled into a keen sense of the suffering agony of the present; +she sprang up and pushed him aside, and went rapidly towards the gate +of the field. He could not move as quickly as most men, but he put +forth his utmost speed. He followed across the road, on to the rocky +common; but as he went along, with his uncertain gait, in the dusk +gloaming, he stumbled, and fell over some sharp projecting stone. The +acute pain which shot up his back forced a short cry from him; and, +when bird and beast are hushed into rest and the stillness of the +night is over all, a high-pitched sound, like the voice of pain, +is carried far in the quiet air. Ruth, speeding on in her despair, +heard the sharp utterance, and stopped suddenly short. It did what +no remonstrance could have done; it called her out of herself. The +tender nature was in her still, in that hour when all good angels +seemed to have abandoned her. In the old days she could never bear +to hear or see bodily suffering in any of God's meanest creatures, +without trying to succour them; and now, in her rush to the awful +death of the suicide, she stayed her wild steps, and turned to find +from whom that sharp sound of anguish had issued. + +He lay among the white stones, too faint with pain to move, but with +an agony in his mind far keener than any bodily pain, as he thought +that by his unfortunate fall he had lost all chance of saving her. +He was almost overpowered by his intense thankfulness when he saw +her white figure pause, and stand listening, and turn again with +slow footsteps, as if searching for some lost thing. He could hardly +speak, but he made a sound which, though his heart was inexpressibly +glad, was like a groan. She came quickly towards him. + +"I am hurt," said he; "do not leave me;" his disabled and tender +frame was overcome by the accident and the previous emotions, and he +fainted away. Ruth flew to the little mountain stream, the dashing +sound of whose waters had been tempting her, but a moment before, to +seek forgetfulness in the deep pool into which they fell. She made a +basin of her joined hands, and carried enough of the cold fresh water +back to dash into his face and restore him to consciousness. While he +still kept silence, uncertain what to say best fitted to induce her +to listen to him, she said softly: + +"Are you better, sir?--are you very much hurt?" + +"Not very much; I am better. Any quick movement is apt to cause me a +sudden loss of power in my back, and I believe I stumbled over some +of these projecting stones. It will soon go off, and you will help me +to go home, I am sure." + +"Oh, yes! Can you go now? I am afraid of your lying too long on this +heather; there is a heavy dew." + +He was so anxious to comply with her wish, and not weary out her +thought for him, and so turn her back upon herself, that he tried to +rise. The pain was acute, and this she saw. + +"Don't hurry yourself, sir; I can wait." + +Then came across her mind the recollection of the business that was +thus deferred; but the few homely words which had been exchanged +between them seemed to have awakened her from her madness. She sat +down by him, and, covering her face with her hands, cried mournfully +and unceasingly. She forgot his presence, and yet she had a +consciousness that some one looked for her kind offices, that she +was wanted in the world, and must not rush hastily out of it. The +consciousness did not take this definite form, it did not become a +thought, but it kept her still, and it was gradually soothing her. + +"Can you help me to rise now?" said he, after a while. She did not +speak, but she helped him up, and then he took her arm, and she led +him tenderly through all the little velvet paths, where the turf grew +short and soft between the rugged stones. Once more on the highway, +they slowly passed along in the moonlight. He guided her by a slight +motion of the arm, through the more unfrequented lanes, to his +lodgings at the shop; for he thought for her, and conceived the pain +she would have in seeing the lighted windows of the inn. He leant +more heavily on her arm, as they awaited the opening of the door. + +"Come in," said he, not relaxing his hold, and yet dreading to +tighten it, lest she should defy restraint, and once more rush away. + +They went slowly into the little parlour behind the shop. The +bonny-looking hostess, Mrs Hughes by name, made haste to light the +candle, and then they saw each other, face to face. The deformed +gentleman looked very pale, but Ruth looked as if the shadow of death +was upon her. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +The Storm-Spirit Subdued + + +Mrs Hughes bustled about with many a sympathetic exclamation, now in +pretty broken English, now in more fluent Welsh, which sounded as +soft as Russian or Italian, in her musical voice. Mr Benson, for that +was the name of the hunchback, lay on the sofa, thinking; while the +tender Mrs Hughes made every arrangement for his relief from pain. +He had lodged with her for three successive years, and she knew and +loved him. + +Ruth stood in the little bow-window, looking out. Across the moon, +and over the deep blue heavens, large, torn, irregular-shaped clouds +went hurrying, as if summoned by some storm-spirit. The work they +were commanded to do was not here; the mighty gathering-place lay +eastward, immeasurable leagues, and on they went, chasing each other +over the silent earth, now black, now silver-white at one transparent +edge, now with the moon shining like Hope through their darkest +centre, now again with a silver lining; and now, utterly black, +they sailed lower in the lift, and disappeared behind the immovable +mountains; they were rushing in the very direction in which Ruth +had striven and struggled to go that afternoon; they, in their wild +career, would soon pass over the very spot where he (her world's he) +was lying sleeping, or perhaps not sleeping, perhaps thinking of her. +The storm was in her mind, and rent and tore her purposes into forms +as wild and irregular as the heavenly shapes she was looking at. If, +like them, she could pass the barrier horizon in the night, she might +overtake him. + +Mr Benson saw her look, and read it partially. He saw her longing +gaze outwards upon the free, broad world, and thought that the syren +waters, whose deadly music yet rang in her ears, were again tempting +her. He called her to him, praying that his feeble voice might have +power. + +"My dear young lady, I have much to say to you; and God has taken +my strength from me now when I most need it.--Oh, I sin to speak +so--but, for His sake, I implore you to be patient here, if only till +to-morrow morning." He looked at her, but her face was immovable, and +she did not speak. She could not give up her hope, her chance, her +liberty till to-morrow. + +"God help me," said he, mournfully, "my words do not touch her;" +and, still holding her hand, he sank back on the pillows. Indeed, +it was true that his words did not vibrate in her atmosphere. The +storm-spirit raged there, and filled her heart with the thought that +she was an outcast; and the holy words, "for His sake," were answered +by the demon, who held possession, with a blasphemous defiance of the +merciful God: + +"What have I to do with Thee?" + +He thought of every softening influence of religion which over his +own disciplined heart had power, but put them aside as useless. Then +the still small voice whispered, and he spake: + +"In your mother's name, whether she be dead or alive, I command you +to stay here until I am able to speak to you." + +She knelt down at the foot of the sofa, and shook it with her sobs. +Her heart was touched, and he hardly dared to speak again. At length +he said: + +"I know you will not go--you could not--for her sake. You will not, +will you?" + +"No," whispered Ruth; and then there was a great blank in her heart. +She had given up her chance. She was calm, in the utter absence of +all hope. + +"And now you will do what I tell you," said he, gently, but, +unconsciously to himself, in the tone of one who has found the hidden +spell by which to rule spirits. + +She slowly said, "Yes." But she was subdued. + +He called Mrs Hughes. She came from her adjoining shop. + +"You have a bedroom within yours, where your daughter used to sleep, +I think? I am sure you will oblige me, and I shall consider it as +a great favour, if you will allow this young lady to sleep there +to-night. Will you take her there now? Go, my dear. I have full trust +in your promise not to leave until I can speak to you." His voice +died away to silence; but as Ruth rose from her knees at his bidding, +she looked at his face through her tears. His lips were moving in +earnest, unspoken prayer, and she knew it was for her. + +That night, although his pain was relieved by rest, he could not +sleep; and, as in fever, the coming events kept unrolling themselves +before him in every changing and fantastic form. He met Ruth in all +possible places and ways, and addressed her in every manner he could +imagine most calculated to move and affect her to penitence and +virtue. Towards morning he fell asleep, but the same thoughts haunted +his dreams; he spoke, but his voice refused to utter aloud; and she +fled, relentless, to the deep, black pool. + +But God works in His own way. + +The visions melted into deep, unconscious sleep. He was awakened by a +knock at the door, which seemed a repetition of what he had heard in +his last sleeping moments. + +It was Mrs Hughes. She stood at the first word of permission within +the room. + +"Please, sir, I think the young lady is very ill indeed, sir; perhaps +you would please to come to her." + +"How is she ill?" said he, much alarmed. + +"Quite quiet-like, sir; but I think she is dying, that's all, indeed, +sir!" + +"Go away, I will be with you directly!" he replied, his heart sinking +within him. + +In a very short time he was standing with Mrs Hughes by Ruth's +bedside. She lay as still as if she were dead, her eyes shut, her wan +face numbed into a fixed anguish of expression. She did not speak +when they spoke, though after a while they thought she strove to +do so. But all power of motion and utterance had left her. She was +dressed in everything, except her bonnet, as she had been the day +before; although sweet, thoughtful Mrs Hughes had provided her with +nightgear, which lay on the little chest of drawers that served as +a dressing-table. Mr Benson lifted up her arm to feel her feeble, +fluttering pulse; and when he let go her hand, it fell upon the bed +in a dull, heavy way, as if she were already dead. + +"You gave her some food?" said he, anxiously, to Mrs Hughes. + +"Indeed, and I offered her the best in the house, but she shook her +poor pretty head, and only asked if I would please to get her a cup +of water. I brought her some milk though, and 'deed, I think she'd +rather have had the water; but not to seem sour and cross, she took +some milk." By this time Mrs Hughes was fairly crying. + +"When does the doctor come up here?" + +"Indeed, sir, and he's up nearly every day now, the inn is so full." + +"I'll go for him. And can you manage to undress her and lay her in +bed? Open the window too, and let in the air; if her feet are cold, +put bottles of hot water to them." + +It was a proof of the true love, which was the nature of both, that +it never crossed their minds to regret that this poor young creature +had been thus thrown upon their hands. On the contrary, Mrs Hughes +called it "a blessing." + + + "It blesseth him that gives, and him that takes." + + + + +CHAPTER X + +A Note and the Answer + + +At the inn everything was life and bustle. Mr Benson had to wait long +in Mrs Morgan's little parlour before she could come to him, and he +kept growing more and more impatient. At last she made her appearance +and heard his story. + +People may talk as they will about the little respect that is paid to +virtue, unaccompanied by the outward accidents of wealth or station; +but I rather think it will be found that, in the long run, true and +simple virtue always has its proportionate reward in the respect +and reverence of every one whose esteem is worth having. To be +sure, it is not rewarded after the way of the world as mere worldly +possessions are, with low obeisance and lip-service; but all the +better and more noble qualities in the hearts of others make ready +and go forth to meet it on its approach, provided only it be pure, +simple, and unconscious of its own existence. + +Mr Benson had little thought for outward tokens of respect just then, +nor had Mrs Morgan much time to spare; but she smoothed her ruffled +brow, and calmed her bustling manner, as soon as ever she saw who it +was that awaited her; for Mr Benson was well known in the village +where he had taken up his summer holiday among the mountains year +after year, always a resident at the shop, and seldom spending a +shilling at the inn. + +Mrs Morgan listened patiently--for her. + +"Mr Jones will come this afternoon. But it is a shame you should be +troubled with such as her. I had but little time yesterday, but I +guessed there was something wrong, and Gwen has just been telling me +her bed has not been slept in. They were in a pretty hurry to be gone +yesterday, for all that the gentleman was not fit to travel, to my +way of thinking; indeed, William Wynn, the post-boy, said he was +weary enough before he got to the end of that Yspytty road; and he +thought they would have to rest there a day or two before they could +go further than Pen tre Voelas. Indeed, and anyhow, the servant is to +follow them with the baggage this very morning; and now I remember, +William Wynn said they would wait for her. You'd better write a note, +Mr Benson, and tell them her state." + +It was good, though unpalatable advice. It came from one accustomed +to bring excellent, if unrefined sense, to bear quickly upon any +emergency, and to decide rapidly. She was, in truth, so little +accustomed to have her authority questioned, that before Mr Benson +had made up his mind, she had produced paper, pens, and ink from the +drawer in her bureau, placed them before him, and was going to leave +the room. + +"Leave the note on this shelf, and trust me that it goes by the maid. +The boy that drives her there in the car shall bring you an answer +back." + +She was gone before he could rally his scattered senses enough to +remember that he had not the least idea of the name of the party to +whom he was to write. The quiet leisure and peace of his little study +at home favoured his habit of reverie and long deliberation, just as +her position as mistress of an inn obliged her to quick, decisive +ways. + +Her advice, though good in some points, was unpalatable in others. It +was true that Ruth's condition ought to be known by those who were +her friends; but were these people to whom he was now going to write, +friends? He knew there was a rich mother, and a handsome, elegant +son; and he had also some idea of the circumstances which might a +little extenuate their mode of quitting Ruth. He had wide enough +sympathy to understand that it must have been a most painful position +in which the mother had been placed, on finding herself under the +same roof with a girl who was living with her son, as Ruth was. And +yet he did not like to apply to her; to write to the son was still +more out of the question, as it seemed like asking him to return. +But through one or the other lay the only clue to her friends, who +certainly ought to be made acquainted with her position. At length he +wrote: + + + MADAM,--I write to tell you of the condition of + the poor young woman--[here came a long pause of + deliberation]--who accompanied your son on his arrival + here, and who was left behind on your departure yesterday. + She is lying (as it appears to me) in a very dangerous + state at my lodgings; and, if I may suggest, it would be + kind to allow your maid to return and attend upon her + until she is sufficiently recovered to be restored to her + friends, if, indeed, they could not come to take charge of + her themselves. + + I remain, madam, + Your obedient servant, + + THURSTAN BENSON. + + +The note was very unsatisfactory after all his consideration, but it +was the best he could do. He made inquiry of a passing servant as to +the lady's name, directed the note, and placed it on the indicated +shelf. He then returned to his lodgings, to await the doctor's coming +and the post-boy's return. There was no alteration in Ruth; she was +as one stunned into unconsciousness; she did not move her posture, +she hardly breathed. From time to time Mrs Hughes wetted her mouth +with some liquid, and there was a little mechanical motion of the +lips; that was the only sign of life she gave. The doctor came and +shook his head,--"a thorough prostration of strength, occasioned by +some great shock on the nerves,"--and prescribed care and quiet, and +mysterious medicines, but acknowledged that the result was doubtful, +very doubtful. After his departure, Mr Benson took his Welsh grammar +and tried again to master the ever-puzzling rules for the mutations +of letters; but it was of no use, for his thoughts were absorbed by +the life-in-death condition of the young creature, who was lately +bounding and joyous. + +The maid and the luggage, the car and the driver, had arrived before +noon at their journey's end, and the note had been delivered. It +annoyed Mrs Bellingham exceedingly. It was the worst of these kind +of connexions, there was no calculating the consequences; they were +never-ending. All sorts of claims seemed to be established, and +all sorts of people to step in to their settlement. The idea of +sending her maid! Why, Simpson would not go if she asked her. She +soliloquised thus while reading the letter; and then, suddenly +turning round to the favourite attendant, who had been listening to +her mistress's remarks with no inattentive ear, she asked: + +"Simpson, would you go and nurse this creature, as this--" she looked +at the signature--"Mr Benson, whoever he is, proposes?" + +"Me! no, indeed, ma'am," said the maid, drawing herself up, stiff in +her virtue. "I'm sure, ma'am, you would not expect it of me; I could +never have the face to dress a lady of character again." + +"Well, well! don't be alarmed; I cannot spare you; by the way, just +attend to the strings on my dress; the chambermaid here pulled them +into knots, and broke them terribly, last night. It is awkward +though, very," said she, relapsing into a musing fit over the +condition of Ruth. + +"If you'll allow me, ma'am, I think I might say something that would +alter the case. I believe, ma'am, you put a bank-note into the letter +to the young woman yesterday?" + +Mrs Bellingham bowed acquiescence, and the maid went on: + +"Because, ma'am, when the little deformed man wrote that note (he's +Mr Benson, ma'am), I have reason to believe neither he nor Mrs +Morgan knew of any provision being made for the young woman. Me and +the chambermaid found your letter and the bank-note lying quite +promiscuous, like waste paper, on the floor of her room; for I +believe she rushed out like mad after you left." + +"That, as you say, alters the case. This letter, then, is principally +a sort of delicate hint that some provision ought to have been made, +which is true enough, only it has been attended to already; what +became of the money?" + +"Law, ma'am! do you ask? Of course, as soon as I saw it, I picked it +up and took it to Mrs Morgan, in trust for the young person." + +"Oh, that's right. What friends has she? Did you ever hear from +Mason?--perhaps they ought to know where she is." + +"Mrs Mason did tell me, ma'am, she was an orphan; with a guardian who +was no-ways akin, and who washed his hands of her when she ran off; +but Mrs Mason was sadly put out, and went into hysterics, for fear +you would think she had not seen after her enough, and that she might +lose your custom; she said it was no fault of hers, for the girl was +always a forward creature, boasting of her beauty, and saying how +pretty she was, and striving to get where her good looks could be +seen and admired,--one night in particular, ma'am, at a county ball; +and how Mrs Mason had found out she used to meet Mr Bellingham at an +old woman's house, who was a regular old witch, ma'am, and lives in +the lowest part of the town, where all the bad characters haunt." + +"There! that's enough," said Mrs Bellingham, sharply, for the maid's +chattering had outrun her tact; and in her anxiety to vindicate the +character of her friend Mrs Mason by blackening that of Ruth, she had +forgotten that she a little implicated her mistress's son, whom his +proud mother did not like to imagine as ever passing through a low +and degraded part of the town. + +"If she has no friends, and is the creature you describe (which is +confirmed by my own observation), the best place for her is, as I +said before, the Penitentiary. Her fifty pounds will keep her for +a week or so, if she is really unable to travel, and pay for her +journey; and if on her return to Fordham she will let me know, I will +undertake to obtain her admission immediately." + +"I'm sure it's well for her she has to do with a lady who will take +any interest in her, after what has happened." + +Mrs Bellingham called for her writing-desk, and wrote a few hasty +lines to be sent back by the post-boy, who was on the point of +starting: + + + Mrs Bellingham presents her compliments to her unknown + correspondent, Mr Benson, and begs to inform him of a + circumstance of which she believes he was ignorant when he + wrote the letter with which she has been favoured; namely, + that provision to the amount of L50 was left for the + unfortunate young person who is the subject of Mr Benson's + letter. This sum is in the hands of Mrs Morgan, as well as + a note from Mrs Bellingham to the miserable girl, in which + she proposes to procure her admission into the Fordham + Penitentiary, the best place for such a character, as by + this profligate action she has forfeited the only friend + remaining to her in the world. This proposition, Mrs + Bellingham repeats; and they are the young woman's best + friends who most urge her to comply with the course now + pointed out. + + +"Take care Mr Bellingham hears nothing of this Mr Benson's note," +said Mrs Bellingham, as she delivered the answer to her maid; "he is +so sensitive just now that it would annoy him sadly, I am sure." + + + + +CHAPTER XI + +Thurstan and Faith Benson + + +You have now seen the note which was delivered into Mr Benson's +hands, as the cool shades of evening stole over the glowing summer +sky. When he had read it, he again prepared to write a few hasty +lines before the post went out. The post-boy was even now sounding +his horn through the village as a signal for letters to be ready; and +it was well that Mr Benson, in his long morning's meditation, had +decided upon the course to be pursued, in case of such an answer as +that which he had received from Mrs Bellingham. His present note was +as follows: + + + DEAR FAITH,--You must come to this place directly, where I + earnestly desire you and your advice. I am well myself, so + do not be alarmed. I have no time for explanation, but I + am sure you will not refuse me; let me trust that I shall + see you on Saturday at the latest. You know the mode by + which I came; it is the best for expedition and cheapness. + Dear Faith, do not fail me. + + Your affectionate brother, + + THURSTAN BENSON. + + P.S.--I am afraid the money I left may be running short. + Do not let this stop you. Take my Facciolati to Johnson's, + he will advance upon it; it is the third row, bottom + shelf. Only come. + + +When this letter was despatched he had done all he could; and the +next two days passed like a long monotonous dream of watching, +thought, and care, undisturbed by any event, hardly by the change +from day to night, which, now the harvest moon was at her full, was +scarcely perceptible. On Saturday morning the answer came. + + + DEAREST THURSTAN,--Your incomprehensible summons has just + reached me, and I obey, thereby proving my right to my + name of Faith. I shall be with you almost as soon as this + letter. I cannot help feeling anxious, as well as curious. + I have money enough, and it is well I have; for Sally, who + guards your room like a dragon, would rather see me walk + the whole way, than have any of your things disturbed. + + Your affectionate sister, + + FAITH BENSON. + + +It was a great relief to Mr Benson to think that his sister would so +soon be with him. He had been accustomed from childhood to rely on +her prompt judgment and excellent sense; and to her care he felt that +Ruth ought to be consigned, as it was too much to go on taxing good +Mrs Hughes with night watching and sick nursing, with all her other +claims on her time. He asked her once more to sit by Ruth, while he +went to meet his sister. + +The coach passed by the foot of the steep ascent which led up to +Llan-dhu. He took a boy to carry his sister's luggage when she +arrived; they were too soon at the bottom of the hill, and the boy +began to make ducks and drakes in the shallowest part of the stream, +which there flowed glassy and smooth, while Mr Benson sat down on a +great stone, under the shadow of an alder bush which grew where the +green, flat meadow skirted the water. It was delightful to be once +more in the open air, and away from the scenes and thoughts which had +been pressing on him for the last three days. There was new beauty in +everything: from the blue mountains which glimmered in the distant +sunlight, down to the flat, rich, peaceful vale, with its calm round +shadows, where he sat. The very margin of white pebbles which lay on +the banks of the stream had a sort of cleanly beauty about it. He +felt calmer and more at ease than he had done for some days; and yet, +when he began to think, it was rather a strange story which he had to +tell his sister, in order to account for his urgent summons. Here was +he, sole friend and guardian of a poor sick girl, whose very name he +did not know; about whom all that he did know was, that she had been +the mistress of a man who had deserted her, and that he feared--he +believed--she had contemplated suicide. The offence, too, was one for +which his sister, good and kind as she was, had little compassion. +Well, he must appeal to her love for him, which was a very +unsatisfactory mode of proceeding, as he would far rather have had +her interest in the girl founded on reason, or some less personal +basis than showing it merely because her brother wished it. + +The coach came slowly rumbling over the stony road. His sister was +outside, but got down in a brisk active way, and greeted her brother +heartily and affectionately. She was considerably taller than he was, +and must have been very handsome; her black hair was parted plainly +over her forehead, and her dark, expressive eyes and straight nose +still retained the beauty of her youth. I do not know whether she +was older than her brother, but, probably owing to his infirmity +requiring her care, she had something of a mother's manner towards +him. + +"Thurstan, you are looking pale! I do not believe you are well, +whatever you may say. Have you had the old pain in your back?" + +"No--a little--never mind that, dearest Faith. Sit down here, while +I send the boy up with your box." And then, with some little desire +to show his sister how well he was acquainted with the language, +he blundered out his directions in very grammatical Welsh; so +grammatical, in fact, and so badly pronounced, that the boy, +scratching his head, made answer, + +"Dim Saesoneg." + +So he had to repeat it in English. + +"Well now, Thurstan, here I sit as you bid me. But don't try me too +long; tell me why you sent for me." + +Now came the difficulty, and oh! for a seraph's tongue, and a +seraph's powers of representation! but there was no seraph at hand, +only the soft running waters singing a quiet tune, and predisposing +Miss Benson to listen with a soothed spirit to any tale, not +immediately involving her brother's welfare, which had been the cause +of her seeing that lovely vale. + +"It is an awkward story to tell, Faith, but there is a young woman +lying ill at my lodgings whom I wanted you to nurse." + +He thought he saw a shadow on his sister's face, and detected a +slight change in her voice as she spoke. + +"Nothing very romantic, I hope, Thurstan. Remember, I cannot stand +much romance; I always distrust it." + +"I don't know what you mean by romance. The story is real enough, and +not out of the common way, I'm afraid." + +He paused; he did not get over the difficulty. + +"Well, tell it me at once, Thurstan. I am afraid you have let some +one, or perhaps only your own imagination, impose upon you; but don't +try my patience too much; you know I've no great stock." + +"Then I'll tell you. The young girl was brought to the inn here by a +gentleman, who has left her; she is very ill, and has no one to see +after her." + +Miss Benson had some masculine tricks, and one was whistling a long, +low whistle when surprised or displeased. She had often found it a +useful vent for feelings, and she whistled now. Her brother would +rather she had spoken. + +"Have you sent for her friends?" she asked at last. + +"She has none." + +Another pause and another whistle, but rather softer and more +wavering than the last. + +"How is she ill?" + +"Pretty nearly as quiet as if she were dead. She does not speak, or +move, or even sigh." + +"It would be better for her to die at once, I think." + +"Faith!" + +That one word put them right. It was spoken in the tone which had +authority over her; it was so full of grieved surprise and mournful +upbraiding. She was accustomed to exercise a sway over him, owing to +her greater decision of character, and, probably, if everything were +traced to its cause, to her superior vigour of constitution; but at +times she was humbled before his pure, childlike nature, and felt +where she was inferior. She was too good and true to conceal this +feeling, or to resent its being forced upon her. After a time she +said, + +"Thurstan, dear, let us go to her." + +She helped him with tender care, and gave him her arm up the long and +tedious hill; but when they approached the village, without speaking +a word on the subject, they changed their position, and she leant +(apparently) on him. He stretched himself up into as vigorous a gait +as he could, when they drew near to the abodes of men. + +On the way they had spoken but little. He had asked after various +members of his congregation, for he was a Dissenting minister in a +country town, and she had answered; but they neither of them spoke of +Ruth, though their minds were full of her. + +Mrs Hughes had tea ready for the traveller on her arrival. Mr Benson +chafed a little internally at the leisurely way in which his sister +sipped and sipped, and paused to tell him some trifling particular +respecting home affairs, which she had forgotten before. + +"Mr Bradshaw has refused to let the children associate with the +Dixons any longer, because one evening they played at acting +charades." + +"Indeed;--a little more bread and butter, Faith?" + +"Thank you. This Welsh air does make one hungry. Mrs Bradshaw is +paying poor old Maggie's rent, to save her from being sent into the +workhouse." + +"That's right. Won't you have another cup of tea?" + +"I have had two. However, I think I'll take another." + +Mr Benson could not refrain from a little sigh as he poured it out. +He thought he had never seen his sister so deliberately hungry and +thirsty before. He did not guess that she was feeling the meal rather +a respite from a distasteful interview, which she was aware was +awaiting her at its conclusion. But all things come to an end, and so +did Miss Benson's tea. + +"Now, will you go and see her?" + +"Yes." + +And so they went. Mrs Hughes had pinned up a piece of green calico, +by way of a Venetian blind, to shut out the afternoon sun; and in the +light thus shaded lay Ruth, still, and wan, and white. Even with her +brother's account of Ruth's state, such death-like quietness startled +Miss Benson--startled her into pity for the poor lovely creature who +lay thus stricken and felled. When she saw her, she could no longer +imagine her to be an impostor, or a hardened sinner; such prostration +of woe belonged to neither. Mr Benson looked more at his sister's +face than at Ruth's; he read her countenance as a book. + +Mrs Hughes stood by, crying. + +Mr Benson touched his sister, and they left the room together. + +"Do you think she will live?" asked he. + +"I cannot tell," said Miss Benson, in a softened voice. "But how +young she looks! Quite a child, poor creature! When will the doctor +come, Thurstan? Tell me all about her; you have never told me the +particulars." + +Mr Benson might have said, she had never cared to hear them before, +and had rather avoided the subject; but he was too happy to see this +awakening of interest in his sister's warm heart to say anything in +the least reproachful. He told her the story as well as he could; +and, as he felt it deeply, he told it with heart's eloquence; and, as +he ended and looked at her, there were tears in the eyes of both. + +"And what does the doctor say?" asked she, after a pause. + +"He insists upon quiet; he orders medicines and strong broth. I +cannot tell you all; Mrs Hughes can. She has been so truly good. +'Doing good, hoping for nothing again.'" + +"She looks very sweet and gentle. I shall sit up to-night and watch +her myself; and I shall send you and Mrs Hughes early to bed, for you +have both a worn look about you I don't like. Are you sure the effect +of that fall has gone off? Do you feel anything of it in your back +still? After all, I owe her something for turning back to your help. +Are you sure she was going to drown herself?" + +"I cannot be sure, for I have not questioned her. She has not been in +a state to be questioned; but I have no doubt whatever about it. But +you must not think of sitting up after your journey, Faith." + +"Answer me, Thurstan. Do you feel any bad effect from that fall?" + +"No, hardly any. Don't sit up, Faith, to-night!" + +"Thurstan, it's no use talking, for I shall; and, if you go on +opposing me, I dare say I shall attack your back, and put a blister +on it. Do tell me what that 'hardly any' means. Besides, to set you +quite at ease, you know I have never seen mountains before, and they +fill me and oppress me so much that I could not sleep; I must keep +awake this first night, and see that they don't fall on the earth and +overwhelm it. And now answer my questions about yourself." + +Miss Benson had the power, which some people have, of carrying her +wishes through to their fulfilment; her will was strong, her sense +was excellent, and people yielded to her--they did not know why. +Before ten o'clock she reigned sole power and potentate in Ruth's +little chamber. Nothing could have been better devised for giving her +an interest in the invalid. The very dependence of one so helpless +upon her care inclined her heart towards her. She thought she +perceived a slight improvement in the symptoms during the night, and +she was a little pleased that this progress should have been made +while she reigned monarch of the sick-room. Yes, certainly there was +an improvement. There was more consciousness in the look of the eyes, +although the whole countenance still retained its painful traces of +acute suffering, manifested in an anxious, startled, uneasy aspect. +It was broad morning light, though barely five o'clock, when Miss +Benson caught the sight of Ruth's lips moving, as if in speech. Miss +Benson stooped down to listen. + +"Who are you?" asked Ruth, in the faintest of whispers. + +"Miss Benson--Mr Benson's sister," she replied. + +The words conveyed no knowledge to Ruth; on the contrary, weak as a +babe in mind and body as she was, her lips began to quiver, and her +eyes to show a terror similar to that of any little child who wakens +in the presence of a stranger, and sees no dear, familiar face of +mother or nurse to reassure its trembling heart. + +Miss Benson took her hand in hers, and began to stroke it +caressingly. + +"Don't be afraid, dear; I'm a friend come to take care of you. Would +you like some tea now, my love?" + +The very utterance of these gentle words was unlocking Miss Benson's +heart. Her brother was surprised to see her so full of interest, when +he came to inquire later on in the morning. It required Mrs Hughes's +persuasions, as well as his own, to induce her to go to bed for an +hour or two after breakfast; and, before she went, she made them +promise that she should be called when the doctor came. He did not +come until late in the afternoon. The invalid was rallying fast, +though rallying to a consciousness of sorrow, as was evinced by the +tears which came slowly rolling down her pale sad cheeks--tears which +she had not the power to wipe away. + +Mr Benson had remained in the house all day to hear the doctor's +opinion; and now that he was relieved from the charge of Ruth by +his sister's presence, he had the more time to dwell upon the +circumstances of her case--so far as they were known to him. He +remembered his first sight of her; her little figure swaying to and +fro as she balanced herself on the slippery stones, half smiling at +her own dilemma, with a bright, happy light in the eyes that seemed +like a reflection from the glancing waters sparkling below. Then he +recalled the changed, affrighted look of those eyes as they met his, +after the child's rebuff of her advances;--how that little incident +filled up the tale at which Mrs Hughes had hinted, in a kind of +sorrowful way, as if loath (as a Christian should be) to believe +evil. Then that fearful evening, when he had only just saved her +from committing suicide, and that nightmare sleep! And now, lost, +forsaken, and but just delivered from the jaws of death, she lay +dependent for everything on his sister and him,--utter strangers a +few weeks ago. Where was her lover? Could he be easy and happy? Could +he grow into perfect health, with these great sins pressing on his +conscience with a strong and hard pain? Or had he a conscience? + +Into whole labyrinths of social ethics Mr Benson's thoughts wandered, +when his sister entered suddenly and abruptly. + +"What does the doctor say? Is she better?" + +"Oh, yes! she's better," answered Miss Benson, sharp and short. Her +brother looked at her in dismay. She bumped down into a chair in a +cross, disconcerted manner. They were both silent for a few minutes; +only Miss Benson whistled and clucked alternately. + +"What is the matter, Faith? You say she is better." + +"Why, Thurstan, there is something so shocking the matter, that I +cannot tell you." + +Mr Benson changed colour with affright. All things possible and +impossible crossed his mind but the right one. I said, "all things +possible;" I made a mistake. He never believed Ruth to be more guilty +than she seemed. + +"Faith, I wish you would tell me, and not bewilder me with those +noises of yours," said he, nervously. + +"I beg your pardon; but something so shocking has just been +discovered--I don't know how to word it--She will have a child. The +doctor says so." + +She was allowed to make noises unnoticed for a few minutes. Her +brother did not speak. At last she wanted his sympathy. + +"Isn't it shocking, Thurstan? You might have knocked me down with a +straw when he told me." + +"Does she know?" + +"Yes; and I am not sure that that isn't the worst part of all." + +"How?--what do you mean?" + +"Oh! I was just beginning to have a good opinion of her, but I'm +afraid she is very depraved. After the doctor was gone, she pulled +the bed-curtain aside, and looked as if she wanted to speak to me. (I +can't think how she heard, for we were close to the window, and spoke +very low.) Well, I went to her, though I really had taken quite a +turn against her. And she whispered, quite eagerly, 'Did he say I +should have a baby?' Of course, I could not keep it from her; but I +thought it my duty to look as cold and severe as I could. She did not +seem to understand how it ought to be viewed, but took it just as if +she had a right to have a baby. She said, 'Oh, my God, I thank Thee! +Oh! I will be so good!' I had no patience with her then, so I left +the room." + +"Who is with her?" + +"Mrs Hughes. She is not seeing the thing in a moral light, as I +should have expected." + +Mr Benson was silent again. After some time he began: + +"Faith, I don't see this affair quite as you do. I believe I am +right." + +"You surprise me, brother! I don't understand you." + +"Wait awhile! I want to make my feelings very clear to you, but I +don't know where to begin, or how to express myself." + +"It is, indeed, an extraordinary subject for us to have to talk +about; but if once I get clear of this girl, I'll wash my hands of +all such cases again." + +Her brother was not attending to her; he was reducing his own ideas +to form. + +"Faith, do you know I rejoice in this child's advent?" + +"May God forgive you, Thurstan!--if you know what you are saying. +But, surely, it is a temptation, dear Thurstan." + +"I do not think it is a delusion. The sin appears to me to be quite +distinct from its consequences." + +"Sophistry--and a temptation," said Miss Benson, decidedly. + +"No, it is not," said her brother, with equal decision. "In the eye +of God, she is exactly the same as if the life she has led had left +no trace behind. We knew her errors before, Faith." + +"Yes, but not this disgrace--this badge of her shame!" + +"Faith, Faith! let me beg of you not to speak so of the little +innocent babe, who may be God's messenger to lead her back to Him. +Think again of her first words--the burst of nature from her heart! +Did she not turn to God, and enter into a covenant with Him--'I +will be so good?' Why, it draws her out of herself! If her life has +hitherto been self-seeking, and wickedly thoughtless, here is the +very instrument to make her forget herself, and be thoughtful for +another. Teach her (and God will teach her, if man does not come +between) to reverence her child; and this reverence will shut out +sin,--will be purification." + +He was very much excited; he was even surprised at his own +excitement; but his thoughts and meditations through the long +afternoon had prepared his mind for this manner of viewing the +subject. + +"These are quite new ideas to me," said Miss Benson, coldly. "I think +you, Thurstan, are the first person I ever heard rejoicing over the +birth of an illegitimate child. It appears to me, I must own, rather +questionable morality." + +"I do not rejoice. I have been all this afternoon mourning over the +sin which has blighted this young creature; I have been dreading +lest, as she recovered consciousness, there should be a return of her +despair. I have been thinking of every holy word, every promise to +the penitent--of the tenderness which led the Magdalen aright. I have +been feeling, severely and reproachfully, the timidity which has +hitherto made me blink all encounter with evils of this particular +kind. Oh, Faith! once for all, do not accuse me of questionable +morality, when I am trying more than ever I did in my life to act as +my blessed Lord would have done." + +He was very much agitated. His sister hesitated, and then she spoke +more softly than before. + +"But, Thurstan, everything might have been done to 'lead her right' +(as you call it), without this child, this miserable offspring of +sin." + +"The world has, indeed, made such children miserable, innocent as +they are; but I doubt if this be according to the will of God, unless +it be His punishment for the parents' guilt; and even then the +world's way of treatment is too apt to harden the mother's natural +love into something like hatred. Shame, and the terror of friends' +displeasure, turn her mad--defile her holiest instincts; and, as for +the fathers--God forgive them! I cannot--at least, not just now." + +Miss Benson thought on what her brother said. At length she asked, +"Thurstan (remember I'm not convinced), how would you have this girl +treated according to your theory?" + +"It will require some time, and much Christian love, to find out the +best way. I know I'm not very wise; but the way I think it would be +right to act in, would be this--" He thought for some time before he +spoke, and then said: + +"She has incurred a responsibility--that we both acknowledge. She is +about to become a mother, and have the direction and guidance of a +little tender life. I fancy such a responsibility must be serious and +solemn enough, without making it into a heavy and oppressive burden, +so that human nature recoils from bearing it. While we do all we can +to strengthen her sense of responsibility, I would likewise do all we +can to make her feel that it is responsibility for what may become a +blessing." + +"Whether the children are legitimate or illegitimate?" asked Miss +Benson, drily. + +"Yes!" said her brother, firmly. "The more I think, the more I +believe I am right. No one," said he, blushing faintly as he spoke, +"can have a greater recoil from profligacy than I have. You yourself +have not greater sorrow over this young creature's sin than I have: +the difference is this, you confuse the consequences with the sin." + +"I don't understand metaphysics." + +"I am not aware that I am talking metaphysics. I can imagine that if +the present occasion be taken rightly, and used well, all that is +good in her may be raised to a height unmeasured but by God; while +all that is evil and dark may, by His blessing, fade and disappear +in the pure light of her child's presence. Oh, Father! listen to my +prayer, that her redemption may date from this time. Help us to speak +to her in the loving spirit of thy Holy Son!" + +The tears were full in his eyes; he almost trembled in his +earnestness. He was faint with the strong power of his own +conviction, and with his inability to move his sister. But she was +shaken. She sat very still for a quarter of an hour or more, while he +leaned back, exhausted by his own feelings. + +"The poor child!" said she, at length--"the poor, poor child! what +it will have to struggle through and endure! Do you remember Thomas +Wilkins, and the way he threw the registry of his birth and baptism +back in your face? Why, he would not have the situation; he went to +sea and was drowned, rather than present the record of his shame." + +"I do remember it all. It has often haunted me. She must strengthen +her child to look to God, rather than to man's opinion. It will be +the discipline, the penance, she has incurred. She must teach it to +be (humanly speaking) self-dependent." + +"But after all," said Miss Benson (for she had known and esteemed +poor Thomas Wilkins, and had mourned over his untimely death, and +the recollection thereof softened her)--"after all, it might be +concealed. The very child need never know its illegitimacy." + +"How?" asked her brother. + +"Why--we know so little about her yet; but in that letter, it said +she had no friends;--now, could she not go into quite a fresh place, +and be passed off as a widow?" + +Ah, tempter! unconscious tempter! Here was a way of evading the +trials for the poor little unborn child, of which Mr Benson had never +thought. It was the decision--the pivot, on which the fate of years +moved; and he turned it the wrong way. But it was not for his own +sake. For himself, he was brave enough to tell the truth; for the +little helpless baby, about to enter a cruel, biting world, he was +tempted to evade the difficulty. He forgot what he had just said, of +the discipline and penance to the mother consisting in strengthening +her child to meet, trustfully and bravely, the consequences of her +own weakness. He remembered more clearly the wild fierceness, the +Cain-like look, of Thomas Wilkins, as the obnoxious word in the +baptismal registry told him that he must go forth branded into the +world, with his hand against every man's, and every man's against +him. + +"How could it be managed, Faith?" + +"Nay, I must know much more, which she alone can tell us, before I +can see how it is to be managed. It is certainly the best plan." + +"Perhaps it is," said her brother, thoughtfully, but no longer +clearly or decidedly; and so the conversation dropped. + +Ruth moved the bed-curtain aside, in her soft manner, when Miss +Benson re-entered the room; she did not speak, but she looked at her +as if she wished her to come near. Miss Benson went and stood by her. +Ruth took her hand in hers and kissed it; then, as if fatigued even +by this slight movement, she fell asleep. + +Miss Benson took up her work, and thought over her brother's +speeches. She was not convinced, but she was softened and bewildered. + + + + +CHAPTER XII + +Losing Sight of the Welsh Mountains + + +Miss Benson continued in an undecided state of mind for the two next +days; but on the third, as they sat at breakfast, she began to speak +to her brother. + +"That young creature's name is Ruth Hilton." + +"Indeed! how did you find it out?" + +"From herself, of course. She is much stronger. I slept with her last +night, and I was aware she was awake long before I liked to speak, +but at last I began. I don't know what I said, or how it went on, +but I think it was a little relief to her to tell me something about +herself. She sobbed and cried herself to sleep; I think she is asleep +now." + +"Tell me what she said about herself." + +"Oh, it was really very little; it was evidently a most painful +subject. She is an orphan, without brother or sister, and with +a guardian, whom, I think she said, she never saw but once. He +apprenticed her (after her father's death) to a dressmaker. This Mr +Bellingham got acquainted with her, and they used to meet on Sunday +afternoons. One day they were late, lingering on the road, when the +dressmaker came up by accident. She seems to have been very angry, +and not unnaturally so. The girl took fright at her threats, and the +lover persuaded her to go off with him to London, there and then. +Last May, I think it was. That's all." + +"Did she express any sorrow for her error?" + +"No, not in words, but her voice was broken with sobs, though she +tried to make it steady. After a while she began to talk about her +baby, but shyly, and with much hesitation. She asked me how much I +thought she could earn as a dressmaker, by working very, very hard; +and that brought us round to her child. I thought of what you had +said, Thurstan, and I tried to speak to her as you wished me. I am +not sure if it was right; I am doubtful in my own mind still." + +"Don't be doubtful, Faith! Dear Faith, I thank you for your +kindness." + +"There is really nothing to thank me for. It is almost impossible to +help being kind to her; there is something so meek and gentle about +her, so patient, and so grateful!" + +"What does she think of doing?" + +"Poor child! she thinks of taking lodgings--very cheap ones, she +says; there she means to work night and day to earn enough for her +child. For, she said to me, with such pretty earnestness, 'It must +never know want, whatever I do. I have deserved suffering, but it +will be such a little innocent darling!' Her utmost earnings would +not be more than seven or eight shillings a week, I'm afraid; and +then she is so young and so pretty!" + +"There is that fifty pounds Mrs Morgan brought me, and those two +letters. Does she know about them yet?" + +"No; I did not like to tell her till she is a little stronger. Oh, +Thurstan! I wish there was not this prospect of a child. I cannot +help it. I do--I could see a way in which we might help her, if it +were not for that." + +"How do you mean?" + +"Oh, it's no use thinking of it, as it is! Or else we might have +taken her home with us, and kept her till she had got a little +dress-making in the congregation, but for this meddlesome child; +that spoils everything. You must let me grumble to you, Thurstan. +I was very good to her, and spoke as tenderly and respectfully of +the little thing as if it were the Queen's, and born in lawful +matrimony." + +"That's right, my dear Faith! Grumble away to me, if you like. I'll +forgive you, for the kind thought of taking her home with us. But do +you think her situation is an insuperable objection?" + +"Why, Thurstan!--it's so insuperable, it puts it quite out of the +question." + +"How?--that's only repeating your objection. Why is it out of the +question?" + +"If there had been no child coming, we might have called her by her +right name--Miss Hilton; that's one thing. Then, another is, the baby +in our house. Why, Sally would go distraught!" + +"Never mind Sally. If she were an orphan relation of our own, left +widowed," said he, pausing, as if in doubt. "You yourself suggested +she should be considered as a widow, for the child's sake. I'm only +taking up your ideas, dear Faith. I respect you for thinking of +taking her home; it is just what we ought to do. Thank you for +reminding me of my duty." + +"Nay, it was only a passing thought. Think of Mr Bradshaw. Oh! I +tremble at the thought of his grim displeasure." + +"We must think of a higher than Mr Bradshaw. I own I should be a very +coward, if he knew. He is so severe, so inflexible. But after all he +sees so little of us; he never comes to tea, you know, but is always +engaged when Mrs Bradshaw comes. I don't think he knows of what our +household consists." + +"Not know Sally? Oh yes, but he does. He asked Mrs Bradshaw one day, +if she knew what wages we gave her, and said we might get a far more +efficient and younger servant for the money. And, speaking about +money, think what our expenses would be if we took her home for the +next six months." + +That consideration was a puzzling one; and both sat silent and +perplexed for a time. Miss Benson was as sorrowful as her brother, +for she was becoming as anxious as he was to find it possible that +her plan could be carried out. + +"There's the fifty pounds," said he, with a sigh of reluctance at the +idea. + +"Yes, there's the fifty pounds," echoed his sister, with the same +sadness in her tone. "I suppose it is hers." + +"I suppose it is; and being so, we must not think who gave it to her. +It will defray her expenses. I am very sorry, but I think we must +take it." + +"It would never do to apply to him under the present circumstances," +said Miss Benson, in a hesitating manner. + +"No, that we won't," said her brother, decisively. "If she consents +to let us take care of her, we will never let her stoop to request +anything from him, even for his child. She can live on bread and +water. We can all live on bread and water rather than that." + +"Then I will speak to her and propose the plan. Oh, Thurstan! from +a child you could persuade me to anything! I hope I am doing right. +However much I oppose you at first, I am sure to yield soon; almost +in proportion to my violence at first. I think I am very weak." + +"No, not in this instance. We are both right: I, in the way in which +the child ought to be viewed; you, dear good Faith, for thinking of +taking her home with us. God bless you, dear, for it!" + +When Ruth began to sit up (and the strange, new, delicious prospect +of becoming a mother seemed to give her some mysterious source of +strength, so that her recovery was rapid and swift from that time), +Miss Benson brought her the letters and the bank-note. + +"Do you recollect receiving this letter, Ruth?" asked she, with +grave gentleness. Ruth changed colour, and took it and read it again +without making any reply to Miss Benson. Then she sighed, and thought +a while; and then took up and read the second note--the note which +Mrs Bellingham had sent to Mr Benson in answer to his. After that she +took up the bank-note and turned it round and round, but not as if +she saw it. Miss Benson noticed that her fingers trembled sadly, and +that her lips were quivering for some time before she spoke. + +"If you please, Miss Benson, I should like to return this money." + +"Why, my dear?" + +"I have a strong feeling against taking it. While he," said she, +deeply blushing, and letting her large white lids drop down and veil +her eyes, "loved me, he gave me many things--my watch--oh, many +things; and I took them from him gladly and thankfully because he +loved me--for I would have given him anything--and I thought of them +as signs of love. But this money pains my heart. He has left off +loving me, and has gone away. This money seems--oh, Miss Benson--it +seems as if he could comfort me, for being forsaken, by money." And +at that word the tears, so long kept back and repressed, forced their +way like rain. + +She checked herself, however, in the violence of her emotion, for she +thought of her child. + +"So, will you take the trouble of sending it back to Mrs Bellingham?" + +"That I will, my dear. I am glad of it, that I am! They don't deserve +to have the power of giving: they don't deserve that you should take +it." + +Miss Benson went and enclosed it up, there and then; simply writing +these words in the envelope, "From Ruth Hilton." + +"And now we wash our hands of these Bellinghams," said she, +triumphantly. But Ruth looked tearful and sad; not about returning +the note, but from the conviction that the reason she had given for +the ground of her determination was true--he no longer loved her. + +To cheer her, Miss Benson began to speak of the future. Miss Benson +was one of those people who, the more she spoke of a plan in its +details, and the more she realised it in her own mind, the more +firmly she became a partisan of the project. Thus she grew warm and +happy in the idea of taking Ruth home; but Ruth remained depressed +and languid under the conviction that he no longer loved her. No +home, no future, but the thought of her child, could wean her +from this sorrow. Miss Benson was a little piqued; and this pique +showed itself afterwards in talking to her brother of the morning's +proceedings in the sick-chamber. + +"I admired her at the time for sending away her fifty pounds so +proudly; but I think she has a cold heart: she hardly thanked me at +all for my proposal of taking her home with us." + +"Her thoughts are full of other things just now; and people have such +different ways of showing feeling: some by silence, some by words. At +any rate, it is unwise to expect gratitude." + +"What do you expect--not indifference or ingratitude?" + +"It is better not to expect or calculate consequences. The longer +I live, the more fully I see that. Let us try simply to do right +actions, without thinking of the feelings they are to call out in +others. We know that no holy or self-denying effort can fall to the +ground vain and useless; but the sweep of eternity is large, and God +alone knows when the effect is to be produced. We are trying to do +right now, and to feel right; don't let us perplex ourselves with +endeavouring to map out how she should feel, or how she should show +her feelings." + +"That's all very fine, and I dare say very true," said Miss Benson, a +little chagrined. "But 'a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush;' +and I would rather have had one good, hearty 'Thank you,' now, for +all I have been planning to do for her, than the grand effects you +promise me in the 'sweep of eternity.' Don't be grave and sorrowful, +Thurstan, or I'll go out of the room. I can stand Sally's scoldings, +but I can't bear your look of quiet depression whenever I am a little +hasty or impatient. I had rather you would give me a good box on the +ear." + +"And I would often rather you would speak, if ever so hastily, +instead of whistling. So, if I box your ears when I am vexed with +you, will you promise to scold me when you are put out of the way, +instead of whistling?" + +"Very well! that's a bargain. You box, and I scold. But, seriously, +I began to calculate our money when she so cavalierly sent off the +fifty-pound note (I can't help admiring her for it), and I am very +much afraid we shall not have enough to pay the doctor's bill, and +take her home with us." + +"She must go inside the coach whatever we do," said Mr Benson, +decidedly. "Who's there? Come in! Oh! Mrs Hughes! Sit down." + +"Indeed, sir, and I cannot stay; but the young lady has just made me +find up her watch for her, and asked me to get it sold to pay the +doctor, and the little things she has had since she came; and please, +sir, indeed, I don't know where to sell it nearer than Carnarvon." + +"That is good of her," said Miss Benson, her sense of justice +satisfied; and, remembering the way in which Ruth had spoken of the +watch, she felt what a sacrifice it must have been to resolve to part +with it. + +"And her goodness just helps us out of our dilemma," said her +brother, who was unaware of the feelings with which Ruth regarded her +watch, or, perhaps, he might have parted with his Facciolati. + +Mrs Hughes patiently awaited their leisure for answering her +practical question. Where could the watch be sold? Suddenly her face +brightened. + +"Mr Jones, the doctor, is going to be married, perhaps he would like +nothing better than to give this pretty watch to his bride; indeed, +and I think it's very likely; and he'll pay money for it as well as +letting alone his bill. I'll ask him, sir, at any rate." + +Mr Jones was only too glad to obtain possession of so elegant a +present at so cheap a rate. He even, as Mrs Hughes had foretold, +"paid money for it;" more than was required to defray the expenses +of Ruth's accommodation; as the most of the articles of food she had +were paid for at the time by Mr or Miss Benson, but they strictly +forbade Mrs Hughes to tell Ruth of this. + +"Would you object to my buying you a black gown?" said Miss Benson to +her the day after the sale of the watch. She hesitated a little, and +then went on: + +"My brother and I think it would be better to call you--as if in fact +you were--a widow. It will save much awkwardness, and it will spare +your child much--" Mortification she was going to have added, but +that word did not exactly do. But, at the mention of her child, Ruth +started and turned ruby-red; as she always did when allusion was made +to it. + +"Oh, yes! certainly. Thank you much for thinking of it. Indeed," said +she, very low, as if to herself, "I don't know how to thank you for +all you are doing; but I do love you, and will pray for you, if I +may." + +"If you may, Ruth!" repeated Miss Benson, in a tone of surprise. + +"Yes, if I may. If you will let me pray for you." + +"Certainly, my dear. My dear Ruth, you don't know how often I sin; I +do so wrong, with my few temptations. We are both of us great sinners +in the eyes of the Most Holy; let us pray for each other. Don't speak +so again, my dear; at least, not to me!" + +Miss Benson was actually crying. She had always looked upon herself +as so inferior to her brother in real goodness; had seen such heights +above her, that she was distressed by Ruth's humility. After a short +time she resumed the subject. + +"Then I may get you a black gown?--and we may call you Mrs Hilton?" + +"No; not Mrs Hilton!" said Ruth, hastily. + +Miss Benson, who had hitherto kept her eyes averted from Ruth's face +from a motive of kindly delicacy, now looked at her with surprise. + +"Why not?" asked she. + +"It was my mother's name," said Ruth, in a low voice. "I had better +not be called by it." + +"Then, let us call you by my mother's name," said Miss Benson, +tenderly. "She would have-- But I'll talk to you about my mother some +other time. Let me call you Mrs Denbigh. It will do very well, too. +People will think you are a distant relation." + +When she told Mr Benson this choice of name, he was rather +sorry; it was like his sister's impulsive kindness--impulsive in +everything--and he could imagine how Ruth's humility had touched her. +He was sorry, but he said nothing. + +And now the letter was written home, announcing the probable arrival +of the brother and sister on a certain day, "with a distant relation, +early left a widow," as Miss Benson expressed it. She desired the +spare room might be prepared, and made every provision she could +think of for Ruth's comfort; for Ruth still remained feeble and weak. + +When the black gown, at which she had stitched away incessantly, +was finished--when nothing remained but to rest for the next day's +journey--Ruth could not sit still. She wandered from window to +window, learning off each rock and tree by heart. Each had its tale, +which it was agony to remember; but which it would have been worse +agony to forget. The sound of running waters she heard that quiet +evening, was in her ears as she lay on her death-bed; so well had she +learnt their tune. + +And now all was over. She had driven in to Llan-dhu, sitting by her +lover's side, living in the bright present, and strangely forgetful +of the past or the future; she had dreamed out her dream, and she had +awakened from the vision of love. She walked slowly and sadly down +the long hill, her tears fast falling, but as quickly wiped away; +while she strove to make steady the low quivering voice which was +often called upon to answer some remark of Miss Benson's. + +They had to wait for the coach. Ruth buried her face in some flowers +which Mrs Hughes had given her on parting; and was startled when +the mail drew up with a sudden pull, which almost threw the horses +on their haunches. She was placed inside, and the coach had set +off again, before she was fully aware that Mr and Miss Benson +were travelling on the outside; but it was a relief to feel she +might now cry without exciting their notice. The shadow of a heavy +thunder-cloud was on the valley, but the little upland village church +(that showed the spot in which so much of her life had passed) stood +out clear in the sunshine. She grudged the tears that blinded her +as she gazed. There was one passenger, who tried after a while to +comfort her. + +"Don't cry, miss," said the kind-hearted woman. "You're parting from +friends, maybe? Well, that's bad enough, but when you come to my age, +you'll think none of it. Why, I've three sons, and they're soldiers +and sailors, all of them--here, there, and everywhere. One is in +America, beyond seas; another is in China, making tea; and another is +at Gibraltar, three miles from Spain; and yet, you see, I can laugh +and eat and enjoy myself. I sometimes think I'll try and fret a bit, +just to make myself a better figure; but, Lord! it's no use, it's +against my nature; so I laugh and grow fat again. I'd be quite +thankful for a fit of anxiety as would make me feel easy in my +clothes, which them manty-makers will make so tight I'm fairly +throttled." + +Ruth durst cry no more; it was no relief, now she was watched and +noticed, and plied with a sandwich or a gingerbread each time she +looked sad. She lay back with her eyes shut, as if asleep, and went +on, and on, the sun never seeming to move from his high place in the +sky, nor the bright hot day to show the least sign of waning. Every +now and then, Miss Benson scrambled down, and made kind inquiries of +the pale, weary Ruth; and once they changed coaches, and the fat old +lady left her with a hearty shake of the hand. + +"It is not much further now," said Miss Benson, apologetically, to +Ruth. "See! we are losing sight of the Welsh mountains. We have about +eighteen miles of plain, and then we come to the moors and the rising +ground, amidst which Eccleston lies. I wish we were there, for my +brother is sadly tired." + +The first wonder in Ruth's mind was, why then, if Mr Benson were so +tired, did they not stop where they were for the night; for she knew +little of the expenses of a night at an inn. The next thought was, to +beg that Mr Benson would take her place inside the coach, and allow +her to mount up by Miss Benson. She proposed this, and Miss Benson +was evidently pleased. + +"Well, if you're not tired, it would make a rest and a change for +him, to be sure; and if you were by me I could show you the first +sight of Eccleston, if we reach there before it is quite dark." + +So Mr Benson got down, and changed places with Ruth. + +She hardly yet understood the numerous small economies which he and +his sister had to practise--the little daily self-denials,--all +endured so cheerfully, and simply, that they had almost ceased to +require an effort, and it had become natural to them to think of +others before themselves. Ruth had not understood that it was for +economy that their places had been taken on the outside of the coach, +while hers, as an invalid requiring rest, was to be the inside; and +that the biscuits which supplied the place of a dinner were, in fact, +chosen because the difference in price between the two would go a +little way towards fulfilling their plan for receiving her as an +inmate. Her thought about money had been hitherto a child's thought; +the subject had never touched her; but afterwards, when she had lived +a little with the Bensons, her eyes were opened, and she remembered +their simple kindness on the journey, and treasured the remembrance +of it in her heart. + +A low grey cloud was the first sign of Eccleston; it was the smoke +of the town hanging over the plain. Beyond the place where she was +expected to believe it existed, arose round, waving uplands; nothing +to the fine outlines of the Welsh mountains, but still going up +nearer to heaven than the rest of the flat world into which she had +now entered. Rumbling stones, lamp-posts, a sudden stop, and they +were in the town of Eccleston; and a strange, uncouth voice, on the +dark side of the coach, was heard to say, + +"Be ye there, measter?" + +"Yes, yes!" said Miss Benson, quickly. "Did Sally send you, Ben? Get +the ostler's lantern, and look out the luggage." + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + +The Dissenting Minister's Household + + +Miss Benson had resumed every morsel of the briskness which she had +rather lost in the middle of the day; her foot was on her native +stones, and a very rough set they were, and she was near her home and +among known people. Even Mr Benson spoke very cheerfully to Ben, and +made many inquiries of him respecting people whose names were strange +to Ruth. She was cold, and utterly weary. She took Miss Benson's +offered arm, and could hardly drag herself as far as the little quiet +street in which Mr Benson's house was situated. The street was so +quiet that their footsteps sounded like a loud disturbance, and +announced their approach as effectually as the "trumpet's lordly +blare" did the coming of Abdallah. A door flew open, and a lighted +passage stood before them. As soon as they had entered, a stout, +elderly servant emerged from behind the door, her face radiant with +welcome. + +"Eh, bless ye! are ye back again? I thought I should ha' been lost +without ye." + +She gave Mr Benson a hearty shake of the hand, and kissed Miss Benson +warmly; then, turning to Ruth, she said, in a loud whisper, + +"Who's yon?" + +Mr Benson was silent, and walked a step onwards. Miss Benson said +boldly out, + +"The lady I named in my note, Sally--Mrs Denbigh, a distant +relation." + +"Aye, but you said hoo was a widow. Is this chit a widow?" + +"Yes, this is Mrs Denbigh," answered Miss Benson. + +"If I'd been her mother, I'd ha' given her a lollypop instead of a +husband. Hoo looks fitter for it." + +"Hush! Sally, Sally! Look, there's your master trying to move that +heavy box." Miss Benson calculated well when she called Sally's +attention to her master; for it was well believed by every one, and +by Sally herself, that his deformity was owing to a fall he had had +when he was scarcely more than a baby, and entrusted to her care--a +little nurse-girl, as she then was, not many years older than +himself. For years the poor girl had cried herself to sleep on her +pallet-bed, moaning over the blight her carelessness had brought upon +her darling; nor was this self-reproach diminished by the forgiveness +of the gentle mother, from whom Thurstan Benson derived so much of +his character. The way in which comfort stole into Sally's heart was +in the gradually-formed resolution that she would never leave him nor +forsake him, but serve him faithfully all her life long; and she had +kept to her word. She loved Miss Benson, but she almost worshipped +the brother. The reverence for him was in her heart, however, and +did not always show itself in her manners. But if she scolded him +herself, she allowed no one else that privilege. If Miss Benson +differed from her brother, and ventured to think his sayings or +doings might have been improved, Sally came down upon her like a +thunder-clap. + +"My goodness gracious, Master Thurstan, when will you learn to leave +off meddling with other folks' business! Here, Ben! help me up with +these trunks." + +The little narrow passage was cleared, and Miss Benson took Ruth +into the sitting-room. There were only two sitting-rooms on the +ground-floor, one behind the other. Out of the back room the kitchen +opened, and for this reason the back parlour was used as the family +sitting-room; or else, being, with its garden aspect, so much +the pleasanter of the two, both Sally and Miss Benson would have +appropriated it for Mr Benson's study. As it was, the front room, +which looked to the street, was his room; and many a person coming +for help--help of which giving money was the lowest kind--was +admitted, and let forth by Mr Benson, unknown to any one else in the +house. To make amends for his having the least cheerful room on the +ground-floor, he had the garden bedroom, while his sister slept over +his study. There were two more rooms again over these, with sloping +ceilings, though otherwise large and airy. The attic looking into +the garden was the spare bedroom; while the front belonged to +Sally. There was no room over the kitchen, which was, in fact, a +supplement to the house. The sitting-room was called by the pretty, +old-fashioned name of the parlour, while Mr Benson's room was styled +the study. + +The curtains were drawn in the parlour; there was a bright fire and a +clean hearth; indeed, exquisite cleanliness seemed the very spirit of +the household, for the door which was open to the kitchen showed a +delicately-white and spotless floor, and bright glittering tins, on +which the ruddy firelight danced. + +From the place in which Ruth sat she could see all Sally's movements; +and though she was not conscious of close or minute observation at +the time (her body being weary, and her mind full of other thoughts), +yet it was curious how faithfully that scene remained depicted on +her memory in after years. The warm light filled every corner of the +kitchen, in strong distinction to the faint illumination of the one +candle in the parlour, whose radiance was confined, and was lost in +the dead folds of window-curtains, carpet, and furniture. The square, +stout, bustling figure, neat and clean in every respect, but dressed +in the peculiar, old-fashioned costume of the county, namely, a +dark-striped linsey-woolsey petticoat, made very short, displaying +sturdy legs in woollen stockings beneath; a loose kind of jacket +called there a "bedgown," made of pink print; a snow-white apron +and cap, both of linen, and the latter made in the shape of a +"mutch;"--these articles completed Sally's costume, and were painted +on Ruth's memory. Whilst Sally was busied in preparing tea, Miss +Benson took off Ruth's things; and the latter instinctively felt that +Sally, in the midst of her movements, was watching their proceedings. +Occasionally she also put in a word in the conversation, and these +little sentences were uttered quite in the tone of an equal, if not +of a superior. She had dropped the more formal "you," with which +at first she had addressed Miss Benson, and thou'd her quietly and +habitually. + +All these particulars sank unconsciously into Ruth's mind; but they +did not rise to the surface, and become perceptible, for a length of +time. She was weary, and much depressed. Even the very kindness that +ministered to her was overpowering. But over the dark, misty moor a +little light shone,--a beacon; and on that she fixed her eyes, and +struggled out of her present deep dejection--the little child that +was coming to her! + +Mr Benson was as languid and weary as Ruth, and was silent during all +this bustle and preparation. His silence was more grateful to Ruth +than Miss Benson's many words, although she felt their kindness. +After tea, Miss Benson took her upstairs to her room. The white +dimity bed, and the walls, stained green, had something of the +colouring and purity of effect of a snowdrop; while the floor, rubbed +with a mixture that turned it into a rich dark brown, suggested +the idea of the garden-mould out of which the snowdrop grows. As +Miss Benson helped the pale Ruth to undress, her voice became less +full-toned and hurried; the hush of approaching night subdued her +into a softened, solemn kind of tenderness, and the murmured blessing +sounded like granted prayer. + +When Miss Benson came downstairs, she found her brother reading +some letters which had been received during his absence. She went +and softly shut the door of communication between the parlour and +the kitchen; and then, fetching a grey worsted stocking which +she was knitting, sat down near him, her eyes not looking at her +work but fixed on the fire; while the eternal rapid click of the +knitting-needles broke the silence of the room, with a sound as +monotonous and incessant as the noise of a hand-loom. She expected +him to speak, but he did not. She enjoyed an examination into, and +discussion of, her feelings; it was an interest and amusement to her, +while he dreaded and avoided all such conversation. There were times +when his feelings, which were always earnest, and sometimes morbid, +burst forth, and defied control, and overwhelmed him; when a force +was upon him compelling him to speak. But he, in general, strove to +preserve his composure, from a fear of the compelling pain of such +times, and the consequent exhaustion. His heart had been very full +of Ruth all day long, and he was afraid of his sister beginning the +subject; so he read on, or seemed to do so, though he hardly saw the +letter he held before him. It was a great relief to him when Sally +threw open the middle door with a bang, which did not indicate either +calmness of mind or sweetness of temper. + +"Is yon young woman going to stay any length o' time with us?" asked +she of Miss Benson. + +Mr Benson put his hand gently on his sister's arm, to check her from +making any reply, while he said, + +"We cannot exactly tell, Sally. She will remain until after her +confinement." + +"Lord bless us and save us!--a baby in the house! Nay, then my time's +come, and I'll pack up and begone. I never could abide them things. +I'd sooner have rats in the house." + +Sally really did look alarmed. + +"Why, Sally!" said Mr Benson, smiling, "I was not much more than a +baby when you came to take care of me." + +"Yes, you were, Master Thurstan; you were a fine bouncing lad of +three year old and better." + +Then she remembered the change she had wrought in the "fine bouncing +lad," and her eyes filled with tears, which she was too proud to wipe +away with her apron; for, as she sometimes said to herself, "she +could not abide crying before folk." + +"Well, it's no use talking, Sally," said Miss Benson, too anxious to +speak to be any longer repressed. "We've promised to keep her, and +we must do it; you'll have none of the trouble, Sally, so don't be +afraid." + +"Well, I never! as if I minded trouble! You might ha' known me better +nor that. I've scoured master's room twice over, just to make the +boards look white, though the carpet is to cover them, and now you +go and cast up about me minding my trouble. If them's the fashions +you've learnt in Wales, I'm thankful I've never been there." + +Sally looked red, indignant, and really hurt. Mr Benson came in with +his musical voice and soft words of healing. + +"Faith knows you don't care for trouble, Sally; she is only anxious +about this poor young woman, who has no friends but ourselves. We +know there will be more trouble in consequence of her coming to stay +with us; and I think, though we never spoke about it, that in making +our plans we reckoned on your kind help, Sally, which has never +failed us yet when we needed it." + +"You've twice the sense of your sister, Master Thurstan, that you +have. Boys always has. It's truth there will be more trouble, and +I shall have my share on't, I reckon. I can face it if I'm told out +and out, but I cannot abide the way some folk has of denying there's +trouble or pain to be met; just as if their saying there was none, +would do away with it. Some folk treats one like a babby, and I don't +like it. I'm not meaning _you_, Master Thurstan." + +"No, Sally, you need not say that. I know well enough who you mean +when you say 'some folk.' However, I admit I was wrong in speaking as +if you minded trouble, for there never was a creature minded it less. +But I want you to like Mrs Denbigh," said Miss Benson. + +"I dare say I should, if you'd let me alone. I did na like her +sitting down in master's chair. Set her up, indeed, in an arm-chair +wi' cushions! Wenches in my day were glad enough of stools." + +"She was tired to-night," said Mr Benson. "We are all tired; so if +you have done your work, Sally, come in to reading." + +The three quiet people knelt down side by side, and two of them +prayed earnestly for "them that had gone astray." Before ten o'clock, +the household were in bed. + +Ruth, sleepless, weary, restless with the oppression of a sorrow +which she dared not face and contemplate bravely, kept awake all the +early part of the night. Many a time did she rise, and go to the long +casement window, and look abroad over the still and quiet town--over +the grey stone walls, and chimneys, and old high-pointed roofs--on +to the far-away hilly line of the horizon, lying calm under the +bright moonshine. It was late in the morning when she woke from her +long-deferred slumbers; and when she went downstairs, she found Mr +and Miss Benson awaiting her in the parlour. That homely, pretty, +old-fashioned little room! How bright and still and clean it looked! +The window (all the windows at the back of the house were casements) +was open, to let in the sweet morning air, and streaming eastern +sunshine. The long jessamine sprays, with their white-scented stars, +forced themselves almost into the room. The little square garden +beyond, with grey stone walls all round, was rich and mellow in its +autumnal colouring, running from deep crimson hollyhocks up to amber +and gold nasturtiums, and all toned down by the clear and delicate +air. It was so still, that the gossamer-webs, laden with dew, did not +tremble or quiver in the least; but the sun was drawing to himself +the sweet incense of many flowers, and the parlour was scented with +the odours of mignonette and stocks. Miss Benson was arranging a +bunch of China and damask roses in an old-fashioned jar; they lay, +all dewy and fresh, on the white breakfast-cloth when Ruth entered. +Mr Benson was reading in some large folio. With gentle morning speech +they greeted her; but the quiet repose of the scene was instantly +broken by Sally popping in from the kitchen, and glancing at Ruth +with sharp reproach. She said: + +"I reckon I may bring in breakfast, now?" with a strong emphasis on +the last word. + +"I am afraid I am very late," said Ruth. + +"Oh, never mind," said Mr Benson, gently. "It was our fault for not +telling you our breakfast hour. We always have prayers at half-past +seven; and, for Sally's sake, we never vary from that time; for she +can so arrange her work, if she knows the hour of prayers, as to have +her mind calm and untroubled." + +"Ahem!" said Miss Benson, rather inclined to "testify" against the +invariable calmness of Sally's mind at any hour of the day; but her +brother went on as if he did not hear her. + +"But the breakfast does not signify being delayed a little; and I am +sure you were sadly tired with your long day yesterday." + +Sally came slapping in, and put down some withered, tough, dry toast, +with-- + +"It's not my doing if it is like leather;" but as no one appeared to +hear her, she withdrew to her kitchen, leaving Ruth's cheeks like +crimson at the annoyance she had caused. + +All day long, she had that feeling common to those who go to stay at +a fresh house among comparative strangers: a feeling of the necessity +that she should become accustomed to the new atmosphere in which she +was placed, before she could move and act freely; it was, indeed, +a purer ether, a diviner air, which she was breathing in now, +than what she had been accustomed to for long months. The gentle, +blessed mother, who had made her childhood's home holy ground, was +in her very nature so far removed from any of earth's stains and +temptations, that she seemed truly one of those + + + Who ask not if Thine eye + Be on them; who, in love and truth, + Where no misgiving is, rely + Upon the genial sense of youth. + + +In the Bensons' house there was the same unconsciousness of +individual merit, the same absence of introspection and analysis of +motive, as there had been in her mother; but it seemed that their +lives were pure and good, not merely from a lovely and beautiful +nature, but from some law, the obedience to which was, of itself, +harmonious peace, and which governed them almost implicitly, and with +as little questioning on their part, as the glorious stars which +haste not, rest not, in their eternal obedience. This household had +many failings: they were but human, and, with all their loving desire +to bring their lives into harmony with the will of God, they often +erred and fell short; but, somehow, the very errors and faults of one +individual served to call out higher excellences in another, and so +they reacted upon each other, and the result of short discords was +exceeding harmony and peace. But they had themselves no idea of the +real state of things; they did not trouble themselves with marking +their progress by self-examination; if Mr Benson did sometimes, in +hours of sick incapacity for exertion, turn inwards, it was to cry +aloud with almost morbid despair, "God be merciful to me a sinner!" +But he strove to leave his life in the hands of God, and to forget +himself. + +Ruth sat still and quiet through the long first day. She was languid +and weary from her journey; she was uncertain what help she might +offer to give in the household duties, and what she might not. And, +in her languor and in her uncertainty, it was pleasant to watch the +new ways of the people among whom she was placed. After breakfast, +Mr Benson withdrew to his study, Miss Benson took away the cups +and saucers, and, leaving the kitchen door open, talked sometimes +to Ruth, sometimes to Sally, while she washed them up. Sally had +upstairs duties to perform, for which Ruth was thankful, as she kept +receiving rather angry glances for her unpunctuality as long as Sally +remained downstairs. Miss Benson assisted in the preparation for the +early dinner, and brought some kidney-beans to shred into a basin of +bright, pure spring-water, which caught and danced in the sunbeams +as she sat near the open casement of the parlour, talking to Ruth of +things and people which as yet the latter did not understand, and +could not arrange and comprehend. She was like a child who gets a few +pieces of a dissected map, and is confused until a glimpse of the +whole unity is shown him. Mr and Mrs Bradshaw were the centre pieces +in Ruth's map; their children, their servants, were the accessories; +and one or two other names were occasionally mentioned. Ruth wondered +and almost wearied at Miss Benson's perseverance in talking to her +about people whom she did not know; but, in truth, Miss Benson heard +the long-drawn, quivering sighs which came from the poor heavy heart, +when it was left to silence, and had leisure to review the past; +and her quick accustomed ear caught also the low mutterings of the +thunder in the distance, in the shape of Sally's soliloquies, which, +like the asides at a theatre, were intended to be heard. Suddenly, +Miss Benson called Ruth out of the room, upstairs into her own +bed-chamber, and then began rummaging in little old-fashioned boxes, +drawn out of an equally old-fashioned bureau, half desk, half table, +and wholly drawers. + +"My dear, I've been very stupid and thoughtless. Oh! I'm so glad I +thought of it before Mrs Bradshaw came to call. Here it is!" and she +pulled out an old wedding-ring, and hurried it on Ruth's finger. Ruth +hung down her head, and reddened deep with shame; her eyes smarted +with the hot tears that filled them. Miss Benson talked on, in a +nervous hurried way: + +"It was my grandmother's; it's very broad; they made them so then, to +hold a posy inside: there's one in that; + + + Thine own sweetheart + Till death doth part, + + +I think it is. There, there! Run away, and look as if you'd always +worn it." + +Ruth went up to her room, and threw herself down on her knees by the +bedside, and cried as if her heart would break; and then, as if a +light had come down into her soul, she calmed herself and prayed--no +words can tell how humbly, and with what earnest feeling. When she +came down, she was tear-stained and wretchedly pale; but even Sally +looked at her with new eyes, because of the dignity with which she +was invested by an earnestness of purpose which had her child for its +object. She sat and thought, but she no longer heaved those bitter +sighs which had wrung Miss Benson's heart in the morning. In this +way the day wore on; early dinner, early tea, seemed to make it +preternaturally long to Ruth; the only event was some unexplained +absence of Sally's, who had disappeared out of the house in the +evening, much to Miss Benson's surprise, and somewhat to her +indignation. + +At night, after Ruth had gone up to her room, this absence was +explained to her at least. She had let down her long waving glossy +hair, and was standing absorbed in thought in the middle of the room, +when she heard a round clumping knock at her door, different from +that given by the small knuckles of delicate fingers, and in walked +Sally, with a judge-like severity of demeanour, holding in her hand +two widow's caps of commonest make and coarsest texture. Queen +Eleanor herself, when she presented the bowl to Fair Rosamond, had +not a more relentless purpose stamped on her demeanour than had Sally +at this moment. She walked up to the beautiful, astonished Ruth, +where she stood in her long, soft, white dressing-gown, with all her +luxuriant brown hair hanging dishevelled down her figure, and thus +Sally spoke: + +"Missus--or miss, as the case may be--I've my doubts as to you. I'm +not going to have my master and Miss Faith put upon, or shame come +near them. Widows wears these sort o' caps, and has their hair cut +off; and whether widows wears wedding-rings or not, they shall have +their hair cut off--they shall. I'll have no half work in this house. +I've lived with the family forty-nine year come Michaelmas, and I'll +not see it disgraced by any one's fine long curls. Sit down and let +me snip off your hair, and let me see you sham decently in a widow's +cap to-morrow, or I'll leave the house. Whatten's come over Miss +Faith, as used to be as mim a lady as ever was, to be taken by such +as you, I dunnot know. Here! sit down with ye, and let me crop you." + +She laid no light hand on Ruth's shoulder; and the latter, partly +intimidated by the old servant, who had hitherto only turned +her vixen lining to observation, and partly because she was +broken-spirited enough to be indifferent to the measure proposed, +quietly sat down. Sally produced the formidable pair of scissors that +always hung at her side, and began to cut in a merciless manner. She +expected some remonstrance or some opposition, and had a torrent of +words ready to flow forth at the least sign of rebellion; but Ruth +was still and silent, with meekly-bowed head, under the strange hands +that were shearing her beautiful hair into the clipped shortness of a +boy's. Long before she had finished, Sally had some slight misgivings +as to the fancied necessity of her task; but it was too late, for +half the curls were gone, and the rest must now come off. When she +had done, she lifted up Ruth's face by placing her hand under the +round white chin. She gazed into the countenance, expecting to read +some anger there, though it had not come out in words; but she only +met the large, quiet eyes, that looked at her with sad gentleness +out of their finely-hollowed orbits. Ruth's soft, yet dignified +submission, touched Sally with compunction, though she did not choose +to show the change in her feelings. She tried to hide it, indeed, by +stooping to pick up the long bright tresses; and, holding them up +admiringly, and letting them drop down and float on the air (like +the pendant branches of the weeping birch), she said: "I thought +we should ha' had some crying--I did. They're pretty curls enough; +you've not been so bad to let them be cut off neither. You see, +Master Thurstan is no wiser than a babby in some things; and Miss +Faith just lets him have his own way; so it's all left to me to keep +him out of scrapes. I'll wish you a very good night. I've heard many +a one say as long hair was not wholesome. Good night." + +But in a minute she popped her head into Ruth's room once more: + +"You'll put on them caps to-morrow morning. I'll make you a present +on them." + +Sally had carried away the beautiful curls, and she could not find +it in her heart to throw such lovely chestnut tresses away, so she +folded them up carefully in paper, and placed them in a safe corner +of her drawer. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + +Ruth's First Sunday at Eccleston + + +Ruth felt very shy when she came down (at half-past seven) the +next morning, in her widow's cap. Her smooth, pale face, with its +oval untouched by time, looked more young and childlike than ever, +when contrasted with the head-gear usually associated with ideas +of age. She blushed very deeply as Mr and Miss Benson showed the +astonishment, which they could not conceal, in their looks. She said +in a low voice to Miss Benson, + +"Sally thought I had better wear it." + +Miss Benson made no reply; but was startled at the intelligence, +which she thought was conveyed in this speech, of Sally's +acquaintance with Ruth's real situation. She noticed Sally's looks +particularly this morning. The manner in which the old servant +treated Ruth had in it far more of respect than there had been the +day before; but there was a kind of satisfied way of braving out Miss +Benson's glances which made the latter uncertain and uncomfortable. + +She followed her brother into his study. + +"Do you know, Thurstan, I am almost certain Sally suspects." + +Mr Benson sighed. The deception grieved him, and yet he thought he +saw its necessity. + +"What makes you think so?" asked he. + +"Oh! many little things. It was her odd way of ducking her head +about, as if to catch a good view of Ruth's left hand, that made me +think of the wedding-ring; and once, yesterday, when I thought I had +made up quite a natural speech, and was saying how sad it was for +so young a creature to be left a widow, she broke in with 'widow be +farred!' in a very strange, contemptuous kind of manner." + +"If she suspects, we had far better tell her the truth at once. She +will never rest till she finds it out, so we must make a virtue of +necessity." + +"Well, brother, you shall tell her then, for I am sure I daren't. +I don't mind doing the thing, since you talked to me that day, and +since I've got to know Ruth; but I do mind all the clatter people +will make about it." + +"But Sally is not 'people.'" + +"Oh, I see it must be done; she'll talk as much as all the other +persons put together, so that's the reason I call her 'people.' Shall +I call her?" (For the house was too homely and primitive to have +bells.) + +Sally came, fully aware of what was now going to be told her, and +determined not to help them out in telling their awkward secret, by +understanding the nature of it before it was put into the plainest +language. In every pause, when they hoped she had caught the meaning +they were hinting at, she persisted in looking stupid and perplexed, +and in saying, "Well," as if quite unenlightened as to the end of +the story. When it was all complete and plain before her, she said, +honestly enough, + +"It's just as I thought it was; and I think you may thank me for +having had the sense to put her into widow's caps, and clip off that +bonny brown hair that was fitter for a bride in lawful matrimony than +for such as her. She took it very well, though. She was as quiet as a +lamb, and I clipped her pretty roughly at first. I must say, though, +if I'd ha' known who your visitor was, I'd ha' packed up my things +and cleared myself out of the house before such as her came into it. +As it's done, I suppose I must stand by you, and help you through +with it; I only hope I shan't lose my character,--and me a parish +clerk's daughter." + +"Oh, Sally! people know you too well to think any ill of you," said +Miss Benson, who was pleased to find the difficulty so easily got +over; for, in truth, Sally had been much softened by the unresisting +gentleness with which Ruth had submitted to the "clipping" of the +night before. + +"If I'd been with you, Master Thurstan, I'd ha' seen sharp after you, +for you're always picking up some one or another as nobody else would +touch with a pair of tongs. Why, there was that Nelly Brandon's child +as was left at our door, if I hadn't gone to th' overseer we should +have had that Irish tramp's babby saddled on us for life; but I went +off and told th' overseer, and th' mother was caught." + +"Yes," said Mr Benson, sadly, "and I often lie awake and wonder what +is the fate of that poor little thing, forced back on the mother who +tried to get quit of it. I often doubt whether I did right; but it's +no use thinking about it now." + +"I'm thankful it isn't," said Sally; "and now, if we've talked +doctrine long enough, I'll go make th' beds. Yon girl's secret is +safe enough for me." + +Saying this she left the room, and Miss Benson followed. She found +Ruth busy washing the breakfast things; and they were done in so +quiet and orderly a manner, that neither Miss Benson nor Sally, both +particular enough, had any of their little fancies or prejudices +annoyed. She seemed to have an instinctive knowledge of the exact +period when her help was likely to become a hindrance, and withdrew +from the busy kitchen just at the right time. + +That afternoon, as Miss Benson and Ruth sat at their work, Mrs and +Miss Bradshaw called. Miss Benson was so nervous as to surprise Ruth, +who did not understand the probable and possible questions which +might be asked respecting any visitor at the minister's house. +Ruth went on sewing, absorbed in her own thoughts, and glad that +the conversation between the two elder ladies and the silence of +the younger one, who sat at some distance from her, gave her an +opportunity of retreating into the haunts of memory; and soon the +work fell from her hands, and her eyes were fixed on the little +garden beyond, but she did not see its flowers or its walls; she +saw the mountains which girdled Llan-dhu, and saw the sun rise from +behind their iron outline, just as it had done--how long ago? was +it months or was it years?--since she had watched the night through, +crouched up at _his_ door. Which was the dream and which the reality? +that distant life, or this? His moans rang more clearly in her ears +than the buzzing of the conversation between Mrs Bradshaw and Miss +Benson. + +At length the subdued, scared-looking little lady and her bright-eyed +silent daughter rose to take leave; Ruth started into the present, +and stood up and curtseyed, and turned sick at heart with sudden +recollection. + +Miss Benson accompanied Mrs Bradshaw to the door; and in the passage +gave her a long explanation of Ruth's (fictitious) history. Mrs +Bradshaw looked so much interested and pleased, that Miss Benson +enlarged a little more than was necessary, and rounded off her +invention with one or two imaginary details, which, she was quite +unconscious, were overheard by her brother through the half-open +study door. + +She was rather dismayed when he called her into his room after Mrs +Bradshaw's departure, and asked her what she had been saying about +Ruth? + +"Oh! I thought it was better to explain it thoroughly--I mean, to +tell the story we wished to have believed once for all--you know we +agreed about that, Thurstan?" deprecatingly. + +"Yes; but I heard you saying you believed her husband had been a +young surgeon, did I not?" + +"Well, Thurstan, you know he must have been something; and young +surgeons are so in the way of dying, it seemed very natural. +Besides," said she, with sudden boldness, "I do think I've a talent +for fiction, it is so pleasant to invent, and make the incidents +dovetail together; and after all, if we are to tell a lie, we may as +well do it thoroughly, or else it's of no use. A bungling lie would +be worse than useless. And, Thurstan--it may be very wrong--but +I believe--I am afraid I enjoy not being fettered by truth. Don't +look so grave. You know it is necessary, if ever it was, to tell +falsehoods now; and don't be angry with me because I do it well." + +He was shading his eyes with his hand, and did not speak for some +time. At last he said: + +"If it were not for the child, I would tell all; but the world is so +cruel. You don't know how this apparent necessity for falsehood pains +me, Faith, or you would not invent all these details, which are so +many additional lies." + +"Well, well! I will restrain myself if I have to talk about Ruth +again. But Mrs Bradshaw will tell every one who need to know. You +don't wish me to contradict it, Thurstan, surely--it was such a +pretty, probable story." + +"Faith! I hope God will forgive us if we are doing wrong; and pray, +dear, don't add one unnecessary word that is not true." + +Another day elapsed, and then it was Sunday; and the house seemed +filled with a deep peace. Even Sally's movements were less hasty and +abrupt. Mr Benson seemed invested with a new dignity, which made his +bodily deformity be forgotten in his calm, grave composure of spirit. +Every trace of week-day occupation was put away; the night before, a +bright new handsome tablecloth had been smoothed down over the table, +and the jars had been freshly filled with flowers. Sunday was a +festival and a holy day in the house. After the very early breakfast, +little feet pattered into Mr Benson's study, for he had a class for +boys--a sort of domestic Sunday-school, only that there was more +talking between teacher and pupils, than dry, absolute lessons going +on. Miss Benson, too, had her little, neat-tippeted maidens sitting +with her in the parlour; and she was far more particular in keeping +them to their reading and spelling, than her brother was with his +boys. Sally, too, put in her word of instruction from the kitchen, +helping, as she fancied, though her assistance was often rather +_malapropos_; for instance, she called out, to a little fat, stupid, +roly-poly girl, to whom Miss Benson was busy explaining the meaning +of the word quadruped, + +"Quadruped, a thing wi' four legs, Jenny; a chair is a quadruped, +child!" + +But Miss Benson had a deaf manner sometimes when her patience was not +too severely tried, and she put it on now. Ruth sat on a low hassock, +and coaxed the least of the little creatures to her, and showed it +pictures till it fell asleep in her arms, and sent a thrill through +her, at the thought of the tiny darling who would lie on her breast +before long, and whom she would have to cherish and to shelter from +the storms of the world. + +And then she remembered, that she was once white and sinless as +the wee lassie who lay in her arms; and she knew that she had gone +astray. By-and-by the children trooped away, and Miss Benson summoned +her to put on her things for chapel. + +The chapel was up a narrow street, or rather _cul-de-sac_, close by. +It stood on the outskirts of the town, almost in fields. It was built +about the time of Matthew and Philip Henry, when the Dissenters were +afraid of attracting attention or observation, and hid their places +of worship in obscure and out-of-the-way parts of the towns in which +they were built. Accordingly, it often happened, as in the present +case, that the buildings immediately surrounding, as well as the +chapels themselves, looked as if they carried you back to a period +a hundred and fifty years ago. The chapel had a picturesque and +old-world look, for luckily the congregation had been too poor +to rebuild it, or new-face it, in George the Third's time. The +staircases which led to the galleries were outside, at each end of +the building, and the irregular roof and worn stone steps looked +grey and stained by time and weather. The grassy hillocks, each with +a little upright headstone, were shaded by a grand old wych-elm. +A lilac-bush or two, a white rose-tree, and a few laburnums, all +old and gnarled enough, were planted round the chapel yard; and +the casement windows of the chapel were made of heavy-leaded, +diamond-shaped panes, almost covered with ivy, producing a green +gloom, not without its solemnity, within. This ivy was the home of an +infinite number of little birds, which twittered and warbled, till +it might have been thought that they were emulous of the power of +praise possessed by the human creatures within, with such earnest, +long-drawn strains did this crowd of winged songsters rejoice and be +glad in their beautiful gift of life. The interior of the building +was plain and simple as plain and simple could be. When it was fitted +up, oak-timber was much cheaper than it is now, so the wood-work was +all of that description; but roughly hewed, for the early builders +had not much wealth to spare. The walls were whitewashed, and were +recipients of the shadows of the beauty without; on their "white +plains" the tracery of the ivy might be seen, now still, now stirred +by the sudden flight of some little bird. The congregation consisted +of here and there a farmer with his labourers, who came down from the +uplands beyond the town to worship where their fathers worshipped, +and who loved the place because they knew how much those fathers had +suffered for it, although they never troubled themselves with the +reason why they left the parish church; of a few shopkeepers, far +more thoughtful and reasoning, who were Dissenters from conviction, +unmixed with old ancestral association; and of one or two families of +still higher worldly station. With many poor, who were drawn there by +love for Mr Benson's character, and by a feeling that the faith which +made him what he was could not be far wrong, for the base of the +pyramid, and with Mr Bradshaw for its apex, the congregation stood +complete. + +The country people came in sleeking down their hair, and treading +with earnest attempts at noiseless lightness of step over the floor +of the aisle; and by-and-by, when all were assembled, Mr Benson +followed, unmarshalled and unattended. When he had closed the +pulpit-door, and knelt in prayer for an instant or two, he gave out +a psalm from the dear old Scottish paraphrase, with its primitive +inversion of the simple perfect Bible words; and a kind of precentor +stood up, and, having sounded the note on a pitch-pipe, sang a couple +of lines by way of indicating the tune; then all the congregation +stood up, and sang aloud, Mr Bradshaw's great bass voice being half +a note in advance of the others, in accordance with his place of +precedence as principal member of the congregation. His powerful +voice was like an organ very badly played, and very much out of tune; +but as he had no ear, and no diffidence, it pleased him very much +to hear the fine loud sound. He was a tall, large-boned, iron man; +stern, powerful, and authoritative in appearance; dressed in clothes +of the finest broadcloth, and scrupulously ill-made, as if to show +that he was indifferent to all outward things. His wife was sweet and +gentle-looking, but as if she was thoroughly broken into submission. + +Ruth did not see this, or hear aught but the words which were +reverently--oh, how reverently!--spoken by Mr Benson. He had had Ruth +present in his thoughts all the time he had been preparing for his +Sunday duty; and he had tried carefully to eschew everything which +she might feel as an allusion to her own case. He remembered how the +Good Shepherd, in Poussin's beautiful picture, tenderly carried the +lambs which had wearied themselves by going astray, and felt how like +tenderness was required towards poor Ruth. But where is the chapter +which does not contain something which a broken and contrite spirit +may not apply to itself? And so it fell out that, as he read, Ruth's +heart was smitten, and she sank down, and down, till she was kneeling +on the floor of the pew, and speaking to God in the spirit, if not in +the words, of the Prodigal Son: "Father! I have sinned against Heaven +and before Thee, and am no more worthy to be called Thy child!" Miss +Benson was thankful (although she loved Ruth the better for this +self-abandonment) that the minister's seat was far in the shade of +the gallery. She tried to look most attentive to her brother, in +order that Mr Bradshaw might not suspect anything unusual, while she +stealthily took hold of Ruth's passive hand, as it lay helpless on +the cushion, and pressed it softly and tenderly. But Ruth sat on the +ground, bowed down and crushed in her sorrow, till all was ended. + +Miss Benson loitered in her seat, divided between the consciousness +that she, as _locum tenens_ for the minister's wife, was expected +to be at the door to receive the kind greetings of many after her +absence from home, and her unwillingness to disturb Ruth, who was +evidently praying, and, by her quiet breathing, receiving grave and +solemn influences into her soul. At length she rose up, calm and +composed even to dignity. The chapel was still and empty; but Miss +Benson heard the buzz of voices in the chapel-yard without. They were +probably those of people waiting for her; and she summoned courage, +and taking Ruth's arm in hers, and holding her hand affectionately, +they went out into the broad daylight. As they issued forth, Miss +Benson heard Mr Bradshaw's strong bass voice speaking to her brother, +and winced, as she knew he would be wincing, under the broad praise, +which is impertinence, however little it may be intended or esteemed +as such. + +"Oh, yes!--my wife told me yesterday about her--her husband was a +surgeon; my father was a surgeon too, as I think you have heard. Very +much to your credit, I must say, Mr Benson, with your limited means, +to burden yourself with a poor relation. Very creditable indeed." + +Miss Benson glanced at Ruth; she either did not hear or did not +understand, but passed on into the awful sphere of Mr Bradshaw's +observation unmoved. He was in a bland and condescending humour of +universal approval, and when he saw Ruth, he nodded his head in token +of satisfaction. That ordeal was over, Miss Benson thought, and in +the thought rejoiced. + +"After dinner, you must go and lie down, my dear," said she, untying +Ruth's bonnet-strings, and kissing her. "Sally goes to church again, +but you won't mind staying alone in the house. I am sorry we have +so many people to dinner, but my brother will always have enough +on Sundays for any old or weak people, who may have come from a +distance, to stay and dine with us; and to-day they all seem to have +come, because it is his first Sabbath at home." + +In this way Ruth's first Sabbath passed over. + + + + +CHAPTER XV + +Mother and Child + + +"Here is a parcel for you, Ruth!" said Miss Benson on the Tuesday +morning. + +"For me!" said Ruth, all sorts of rushing thoughts and hopes filling +her mind, and turning her dizzy with expectation. If it had been from +"him," the new-born resolutions would have had a hard struggle for +existence. + +"It is directed 'Mrs Denbigh,'" said Miss Benson, before giving it +up. "It is in Mrs Bradshaw's handwriting;" and, far more curious +than Ruth, she awaited the untying of the close-knotted string. +When the paper was opened, it displayed a whole piece of delicate +cambric-muslin; and there was a short note from Mrs Bradshaw to Ruth, +saying her husband had wished her to send this muslin in aid of any +preparations Mrs Denbigh might have to make. Ruth said nothing, but +coloured up, and sat down again to her employment. + +"Very fine muslin indeed," said Miss Benson, feeling it, and holding +it up against the light, with the air of a connoisseur; yet all the +time she was glancing at Ruth's grave face. The latter kept silence, +and showed no wish to inspect her present further. At last she said, +in a low voice, + +"I suppose I may send it back again?" + +"My dear child! send it back to Mr Bradshaw! You'd offend him for +life. You may depend upon it, he means it as a mark of high favour!" + +"What right had he to send it me?" asked Ruth, still in her quiet +voice. + +"What right? Mr Bradshaw thinks-- I don't know exactly what you mean +by 'right.'" + +Ruth was silent for a moment, and then said: + +"There are people to whom I love to feel that I owe +gratitude--gratitude which I cannot express, and had better not talk +about--but I cannot see why a person whom I do not know should lay me +under an obligation. Oh! don't say I must take this muslin, please, +Miss Benson!" + +What Miss Benson might have said if her brother had not just then +entered the room, neither he nor any other person could tell; but she +felt his presence was most opportune, and called him in as umpire. +He had come hastily, for he had much to do; but he no sooner heard +the case than he sat down, and tried to draw some more explicit +declaration of her feeling from Ruth, who had remained silent during +Miss Benson's explanation. + +"You would rather send this present back?" said he. + +"Yes," she answered, softly. "Is it wrong?" + +"Why do you want to return it?" + +"Because I feel as if Mr Bradshaw had no right to offer it me." + +Mr Benson was silent. + +"It's beautifully fine," said Miss Benson, still examining the piece. + +"You think that it is a right which must be earned?" + +"Yes," said she, after a minute's pause. "Don't you?" + +"I understand what you mean. It is a delight to have gifts made to +you by those whom you esteem and love, because then such gifts are +merely to be considered as fringes to the garment--as inconsiderable +additions to the mighty treasure of their affection, adding a grace, +but no additional value, to what before was precious, and proceeding +as naturally out of that as leaves burgeon out upon the trees; but +you feel it to be different when there is no regard for the giver to +idealise the gift--when it simply takes its stand among your property +as so much money's value. Is this it, Ruth?" + +"I think it is. I never reasoned why I felt as I did; I only knew +that Mr Bradshaw's giving me a present hurt me, instead of making me +glad." + +"Well, but there is another side of the case we have not looked at +yet--we must think of that, too. You know who said, 'Do unto others +as ye would that they should do unto you'? Mr Bradshaw may not have +had that in his mind when he desired his wife to send you this; he +may have been self-seeking, and only anxious to gratify his love of +patronising--that is the worst motive we can give him; and that would +be no excuse for your thinking only of yourself, and returning his +present." + +"But you would not have me pretend to be obliged?" asked Ruth. + +"No, I would not. I have often been similarly situated to you, Ruth; +Mr Bradshaw has frequently opposed me on the points on which I feel +the warmest--am the most earnestly convinced. He, no doubt, thinks me +Quixotic, and often speaks of me, and to me, with great contempt when +he is angry. I suppose he has a little fit of penitence afterwards, +or perhaps he thinks he can pay for ungracious speeches by a present; +so, formerly, he invariably sent me something after these occasions. +It was a time, of all others, to feel as you are doing now; but I +became convinced it would be right to accept them, giving only the +very cool thanks which I felt. This omission of all show of much +gratitude had the best effect--the presents have much diminished; but +if the gifts have lessened, the unjustifiable speeches have decreased +in still greater proportion, and I am sure we respect each other +more. Take this muslin, Ruth, for the reason I named; and thank him +as your feelings prompt you. Overstrained expressions of gratitude +always seem like an endeavour to place the receiver of these +expressions in the position of debtor for future favours. But you +won't fall into this error." + +Ruth listened to Mr Benson; but she had not yet fallen sufficiently +into the tone of his mind to understand him fully. She only felt that +he comprehended her better than Miss Benson, who once more tried to +reconcile her to her present, by calling her attention to the length +and breadth thereof. + +"I will do what you wish me," she said, after a little pause of +thoughtfulness. "May we talk of something else?" + +Mr Benson saw that his sister's frame of mind was not particularly +congenial with Ruth's, any more than Ruth's was with Miss Benson's; +and, putting aside all thought of returning to the business which had +appeared to him so important when he came into the room (but which +principally related to himself), he remained above an hour in the +parlour, interesting them on subjects far removed from the present, +and left them at the end of that time soothed and calm. + +But the present gave a new current to Ruth's ideas. Her heart was as +yet too sore to speak, but her mind was crowded with plans. She asked +Sally to buy her (with the money produced by the sale of a ring or +two) the coarsest linen, the homeliest dark blue print, and similar +materials; on which she set busily to work to make clothes for +herself; and as they were made, she put them on; and as she put them +on, she gave a grace to each, which such homely material and simple +shaping had never had before. Then the fine linen and delicate soft +white muslin, which she had chosen in preference to more expensive +articles of dress when Mr Bellingham had given her _carte blanche_ in +London, were cut into small garments, most daintily stitched and made +ready for the little creature, for whom in its white purity of soul +nothing could be too precious. + +The love which dictated this extreme simplicity and coarseness of +attire, was taken for stiff, hard economy by Mr Bradshaw, when he +deigned to observe it. And economy by itself, without any soul or +spirit in it to make it living and holy, was a great merit in his +eyes. Indeed, Ruth altogether found favour with him. Her quiet +manner, subdued by an internal consciousness of a deeper cause for +sorrow than he was aware of, he interpreted into a very proper and +becoming awe of him. He looked off from his own prayers to observe +how well she attended to hers at chapel; when he came to any verse +in the hymn relating to immortality or a future life, he sang it +unusually loud, thinking he should thus comfort her in her sorrow +for her deceased husband. He desired Mrs Bradshaw to pay her every +attention she could; and even once remarked, that he thought her so +respectable a young person that he should not object to her being +asked to tea the next time Mr and Miss Benson came. He added, that he +thought, indeed, Benson had looked last Sunday as if he rather hoped +to get an invitation; and it was right to encourage the ministers, +and to show them respect, even though their salaries were small. +The only thing against this Mrs Denbigh was the circumstance of her +having married too early, and without any provision for a family. +Though Ruth pleaded delicacy of health, and declined accompanying Mr +and Miss Benson on their visit to Mr Bradshaw, she still preserved +her place in his esteem; and Miss Benson had to call a little upon +her "talent for fiction" to spare Ruth from the infliction of further +presents, in making which his love of patronising delighted. + +The yellow and crimson leaves came floating down on the still October +air; November followed, bleak and dreary; it was more cheerful when +the earth put on her beautiful robe of white, which covered up all +the grey naked stems, and loaded the leaves of the hollies and +evergreens each with its burden of feathery snow. When Ruth sank down +to languor and sadness, Miss Benson trotted upstairs, and rummaged +up every article of spare or worn-out clothing, and bringing down a +variety of strange materials, she tried to interest Ruth in making +them up into garments for the poor. But though Ruth's fingers flew +through the work, she still sighed with thought and remembrance. +Miss Benson was at first disappointed, and then she was angry. When +she heard the low, long sigh, and saw the dreamy eyes filling with +glittering tears, she would say, "What is the matter, Ruth?" in a +half-reproachful tone, for the sight of suffering was painful to +her; she had done all in her power to remedy it; and, though she +acknowledged a cause beyond her reach for Ruth's deep sorrow, and, in +fact, loved and respected her all the more for these manifestations +of grief, yet at the time they irritated her. Then Ruth would snatch +up the dropped work, and stitch away with drooping eyes, from which +the hot tears fell fast; and Miss Benson was then angry with herself, +yet not at all inclined to agree with Sally when she asked her +mistress "why she kept 'mithering' the poor lass with asking her for +ever what was the matter, as if she did not know well enough." Some +element of harmony was wanting--some little angel of peace, in loving +whom all hearts and natures should be drawn together, and their +discords hushed. + +The earth was still "hiding her guilty front with innocent snow," +when a little baby was laid by the side of the pale white mother. It +was a boy; beforehand she had wished for a girl, as being less likely +to feel the want of a father--as being what a mother, worse than +widowed, could most effectually shelter. But now she did not think +or remember this. What it was, she would not have exchanged for a +wilderness of girls. It was her own, her darling, her individual +baby, already, though not an hour old, separate and sole in her +heart, strangely filling up its measure with love and peace, and even +hope. For here was a new, pure, beautiful, innocent life, which she +fondly imagined, in that early passion of maternal love, she could +guard from every touch of corrupting sin by ever watchful and most +tender care. And _her_ mother had thought the same, most probably; +and thousands of others think the same, and pray to God to purify and +cleanse their souls, that they may be fit guardians for their little +children. Oh, how Ruth prayed, even while she was yet too weak to +speak; and how she felt the beauty and significance of the words, +"Our Father!" + +She was roused from this holy abstraction by the sound of Miss +Benson's voice. It was very much as if she had been crying. + +"Look, Ruth!" it said, softly, "my brother sends you these. They are +the first snowdrops in the garden." And she put them on the pillow by +Ruth; the baby lay on the opposite side. + +"Won't you look at him?" said Ruth; "he is so pretty!" + +Miss Benson had a strange reluctance to see him. To Ruth, in spite +of all that had come and gone, she was reconciled--nay, more, she +was deeply attached; but over the baby there hung a cloud of shame +and disgrace. Poor little creature! her heart was closed against +it--firmly, as she thought. But she could not resist Ruth's low faint +voice, nor her pleading eyes, and she went round to peep at him as he +lay in his mother's arm, as yet his shield and guard. + +"Sally says he will have black hair, she thinks," said Ruth. "His +little hand is quite a man's, already. Just feel how firmly he closes +it;" and with her own weak fingers she opened his little red fist, +and taking Miss Benson's reluctant hand, placed one of her fingers +in his grasp. That baby-touch called out her love; the doors of her +heart were thrown open wide for the little infant to go in and take +possession. + +"Ah, my darling!" said Ruth, falling back weak and weary. "If God +will but spare you to me, never mother did more than I will. I have +done you a grievous wrong--but, if I may but live, I will spend my +life in serving you!" + +"And in serving God!" said Miss Benson, with tears in her eyes. "You +must not make him into an idol, or God will, perhaps, punish you +through him." + +A pang of affright shot through Ruth's heart at these words; had +she already sinned and made her child into an idol, and was there +punishment already in store for her through him? But then the +internal voice whispered that God was "Our Father," and that He knew +our frame, and knew how natural was the first outburst of a mother's +love; so, although she treasured up the warning, she ceased to +affright herself for what had already gushed forth. + +"Now go to sleep, Ruth," said Miss Benson, kissing her, and darkening +the room. But Ruth could not sleep; if her heavy eyes closed, she +opened them again with a start, for sleep seemed to be an enemy +stealing from her the consciousness of being a mother. That one +thought excluded all remembrance and all anticipation, in those first +hours of delight. + +But soon remembrance and anticipation came. There was the natural +want of the person, who alone could take an interest similar in kind, +though not in amount, to the mother's. And sadness grew like a giant +in the still watches of the night, when she remembered that there +would be no father to guide and strengthen the child, and place him +in a favourable position for fighting the hard "Battle of Life." She +hoped and believed that no one would know the sin of his parents, and +that that struggle might be spared to him. But a father's powerful +care and mighty guidance would never be his; and then, in those hours +of spiritual purification, came the wonder and the doubt of how far +the real father would be the one to whom, with her desire of heaven +for her child, whatever might become of herself, she would wish +to entrust him. Slight speeches, telling of a selfish, worldly +nature, unnoticed at the time, came back upon her ear, having +a new significance. They told of a low standard, of impatient +self-indulgence, of no acknowledgment of things spiritual and +heavenly. Even while this examination was forced upon her, by the new +spirit of maternity that had entered into her, and made her child's +welfare supreme, she hated and reproached herself for the necessity +there seemed upon her of examining and judging the absent father of +her child. And so the compelling presence that had taken possession +of her wearied her into a kind of feverish slumber; in which she +dreamt that the innocent babe that lay by her side in soft ruddy +slumber had started up into man's growth, and, instead of the pure +and noble being whom she had prayed to present as her child to "Our +Father in heaven," he was a repetition of his father; and, like him, +lured some maiden (who in her dream seemed strangely like herself, +only more utterly sad and desolate even than she) into sin, and +left her there to even a worse fate than that of suicide. For Ruth +believed there was a worse. She dreamt she saw the girl, wandering, +lost; and that she saw her son in high places, prosperous--but with +more than blood on his soul. She saw her son dragged down by the +clinging girl into some pit of horrors into which she dared not look, +but from whence his father's voice was heard, crying aloud, that in +his day and generation he had not remembered the words of God, and +that now he was "tormented in this flame." Then she started in sick +terror, and saw, by the dim rushlight, Sally, nodding in an arm-chair +by the fire; and felt her little soft warm babe, nestled up against +her breast, rocked by her heart, which yet beat hard from the effects +of the evil dream. She dared not go to sleep again, but prayed. And +every time she prayed, she asked with a more complete wisdom, and +a more utter and self-forgetting faith. Little child! thy angel +was with God, and drew her nearer and nearer to Him, whose face is +continually beheld by the angels of little children. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI + +Sally Tells of Her Sweethearts, and Discourses on the Duties of Life + + +Sally and Miss Benson took it in turns to sit up, or rather, they +took it in turns to nod by the fire; for if Ruth was awake she lay +very still in the moonlight calm of her sick bed. That time resembled +a beautiful August evening, such as I have seen. The white, snowy +rolling mist covers up under its great sheet all trees and meadows, +and tokens of earth; but it cannot rise high enough to shut out the +heavens, which on such nights seem bending very near, and to be the +only real and present objects; and so near, so real and present, did +heaven, and eternity, and God seem to Ruth, as she lay encircling her +mysterious holy child. + +One night Sally found out she was not asleep. + +"I'm a rare hand at talking folks to sleep," said she. "I'll try on +thee, for thou must get strength by sleeping and eating. What must +I talk to thee about, I wonder. Shall I tell thee a love story or a +fairy story, such as I've telled Master Thurstan many a time and many +a time, for all his father set his face again fairies, and called it +vain talking; or shall I tell you the dinner I once cooked, when Mr +Harding, as was Miss Faith's sweetheart, came unlooked for, and we'd +nought in the house but a neck of mutton, out of which I made seven +dishes, all with a different name?" + +"Who was Mr Harding?" asked Ruth. + +"Oh, he was a grand gentleman from Lunnon, as had seen Miss Faith, +and been struck by her pretty looks when she was out on a visit, and +came here to ask her to marry him. She said, 'No, she would never +leave Master Thurstan, as could never marry;' but she pined a deal +at after he went away. She kept up afore Master Thurstan, but I seed +her fretting, though I never let on that I did, for I thought she'd +soonest get over it and be thankful at after she'd the strength to +do right. However, I've no business to be talking of Miss Benson's +concerns. I'll tell you of my own sweethearts and welcome, or I'll +tell you of the dinner, which was the grandest thing I ever did in my +life, but I thought a Lunnoner should never think country folks knew +nothing; and, my word! I puzzled him with his dinner. I'm doubting +whether to this day he knows whether what he was eating was fish, +flesh, or fowl. Shall I tell you how I managed?" + +But Ruth said she would rather hear about Sally's sweethearts, much +to the disappointment of the latter, who considered the dinner by far +the greatest achievement. + +"Well, you see, I don't know as I should call them sweethearts; for +excepting John Rawson, who was shut up in the mad-house the next +week, I never had what you may call a downright offer of marriage +but once. But I had once; and so I may say I had a sweetheart. I +was beginning to be afeard though, for one likes to be axed; that's +but civility; and I remember, after I had turned forty, and afore +Jeremiah Dixon had spoken, I began to think John Rawson had perhaps +not been so very mad, and that I'd done ill to lightly his offer, as +a madman's, if it was to be the only one I was ever to have; I don't +mean as I'd have had him, but I thought, if it was to come o'er +again, I'd speak respectful of him to folk, and say it were only his +way to go about on all fours, but that he was a sensible man in most +things. However, I'd had my laugh, and so had others, at my crazy +lover, and it was late now to set him up as a Solomon. However, I +thought it would be no bad thing to be tried again; but I little +thought the trial would come when it did. You see, Saturday night is +a leisure night in counting-houses and such-like places, while it's +the busiest of all for servants. Well! it was a Saturday night, and +I'd my baize apron on, and the tails of my bed-gown pinned together +behind, down on my knees, pipeclaying the kitchen, when a knock comes +to the back door. 'Come in!' says I; but it knocked again, as if it +were too stately to open the door for itself; so I got up, rather +cross, and opened the door; and there stood Jerry Dixon, Mr Holt's +head clerk; only he was not head clerk then. So I stood, stopping +up the door, fancying he wanted to speak to master; but he kind of +pushed past me, and telling me summut about the weather (as if I +could not see it for myself), he took a chair, and sat down by the +oven. 'Cool and easy!' thought I; meaning hisself, not his place, +which I knew must be pretty hot. Well! it seemed no use standing +waiting for my gentleman to go; not that he had much to say either; +but he kept twirling his hat round and round, and smoothing the nap +on't with the back of his hand. So at last I squatted down to my +work, and thinks I, I shall be on my knees all ready if he puts up +a prayer, for I knew he was a Methodee by bringing-up, and had only +lately turned to master's way of thinking; and them Methodees are +terrible hands at unexpected prayers when one least looks for 'em. I +can't say I like their way of taking one by surprise, as it were; but +then I'm a parish clerk's daughter, and could never demean myself to +dissenting fashions, always save and except Master Thurstan's, bless +him. However, I'd been caught once or twice unawares, so this time I +thought I'd be up to it, and I moved a dry duster wherever I went, to +kneel upon in case he began when I were in a wet place. By-and-by I +thought, if the man would pray it would be a blessing, for it would +prevent his sending his eyes after me wherever I went; for when they +takes to praying they shuts their eyes, and quivers th' lids in a +queer kind o' way--them Dissenters does. I can speak pretty plain +to you, for you're bred in the Church like mysel', and must find it +as out o' the way as I do to be among dissenting folk. God forbid +I should speak disrespectful of Master Thurstan and Miss Faith, +though; I never think on them as Church or Dissenters, but just as +Christians. But to come back to Jerry. First, I tried always to be +cleaning at his back; but when he wheeled round, so as always to face +me, I thought I'd try a different game. So, says I, 'Master Dixon, I +ax your pardon, but I must pipeclay under your chair. Will you please +to move?' Well, he moved; and by-and-by I was at him again with the +same words; and at after that, again and again, till he were always +moving about wi' his chair behind him, like a snail as carries its +house on its back. And the great gaupus never seed that I were +pipeclaying the same places twice over. At last I got desperate +cross, he were so in my way; so I made two big crosses on the tails +of his brown coat; for you see, whenever he went, up or down, he drew +out the tails of his coat from under him, and stuck them through the +bars of the chair; and flesh and blood could not resist pipeclaying +them for him; and a pretty brushing he'd have, I reckon, to get it +off again. Well! at length he clears his throat uncommon loud; so I +spreads my duster, and shuts my eyes all ready; but when nought comed +of it, I opened my eyes a little bit to see what he were about. My +word! if there he wasn't down on his knees right facing me, staring +as hard as he could. Well! I thought it would be hard work to stand +that, if he made a long ado; so I shut my eyes again, and tried to +think serious, as became what I fancied were coming; but, forgive +me! but I thought why couldn't the fellow go in and pray wi' Master +Thurstan, as had always a calm spirit ready for prayer, instead o' +me, who had my dresser to scour, let alone an apron to iron. At last +he says, says he, 'Sally! will you oblige me with your hand?' So I +thought it were, maybe, Methodee fashion to pray hand in hand; and +I'll not deny but I wished I'd washed it better after black-leading +the kitchen fire. I thought I'd better tell him it were not so clean +as I could wish, so says I, 'Master Dixon, you shall have it, and +welcome, if I may just go and wash 'em first.' But, says he, 'My +dear Sally, dirty or clean it's all the same to me, seeing I'm only +speaking in a figuring way. What I'm asking on my bended knees is, +that you'd please to be so kind as to be my wedded wife; week after +next will suit me, if it's agreeable to you!' My word! I were up on +my feet in an instant! It were odd now, weren't it? I never thought +of taking the fellow, and getting married; for all, I'll not deny, I +had been thinking it would be agreeable to be axed. But all at once, +I couldn't abide the chap. 'Sir,' says I, trying to look shame-faced +as became the occasion, but for all that, feeling a twittering round +my mouth that I were afeard might end in a laugh--'Master Dixon, I'm +obleeged to you for the compliment, and thank ye all the same, but +I think I'd prefer a single life.' He looked mighty taken aback; but +in a minute he cleared up, and was as sweet as ever. He still kept +on his knees, and I wished he'd take himself up; but, I reckon, he +thought it would give force to his words; says he, 'Think again, my +dear Sally. I've a four-roomed house, and furniture conformable; and +eighty pound a year. You may never have such a chance again.' There +were truth enough in that, but it was not pretty in the man to say +it; and it put me up a bit. 'As for that, neither you nor I can tell, +Master Dixon. You're not the first chap as I've had down on his knees +afore me, axing me to marry him (you see I were thinking of John +Rawson, only I thought there were no need to say he were on all +fours--it were truth he were on his knees, you know), and maybe +you'll not be the last. Anyhow, I've no wish to change my condition +just now.' 'I'll wait till Christmas,' says he. 'I've a pig as will +be ready for killing then, so I must get married before that.' Well +now! would you believe it? the pig were a temptation. I'd a receipt +for curing hams, as Miss Faith would never let me try, saying the +old way were good enough. However, I resisted. Says I, very stern, +because I felt I'd been wavering, 'Master Dixon, once for all, pig +or no pig, I'll not marry you. And if you'll take my advice, you'll +get up off your knees. The flags is but damp yet, and it would be an +awkward thing to have rheumatiz just before winter.' With that he +got up, stiff enough. He looked as sulky a chap as ever I clapped +eyes on. And as he were so black and cross, I thought I'd done well +(whatever came of the pig) to say 'No' to him. 'You may live to +repent this,' says he, very red. 'But I'll not be too hard upon ye, +I'll give you another chance. I'll let you have the night to think +about it, and I'll just call in to hear your second thoughts, after +chapel to-morrow.' Well now! did ever you hear the like? But that is +the way with all of them men, thinking so much of theirselves, and +that it's but ask and have. They've never had me, though; and I shall +be sixty-one next Martinmas, so there's not much time left for them +to try me, I reckon. Well! when Jeremiah said that, he put me up more +than ever, and I says, 'My first thoughts, second thoughts, and third +thoughts is all one and the same; you've but tempted me once, and +that was when you spoke of your pig. But of yoursel' you're nothing +to boast on, and so I'll bid you good night, and I'll keep my +manners, or else, if I told the truth, I should say it had been a +great loss of time listening to you. But I'll be civil--so good +night.' He never said a word, but went off as black as thunder, +slamming the door after him. The master called me in to prayers, but +I can't say I could put my mind to them, for my heart was beating so. +However, it was a comfort to have had an offer of holy matrimony; +and though it flustered me, it made me think more of myself. In the +night, I began to wonder if I'd not been cruel and hard to him. You +see, I were feverish-like; and the old song of Barbary Allen would +keep running in my head, and I thought I were Barbary, and he were +young Jemmy Gray, and that maybe he'd die for love of me; and I +pictured him to mysel', lying on his death-bed, with his face turned +to the wall, 'wi' deadly sorrow sighing,' and I could ha' pinched +mysel' for having been so like cruel Barbary Allen. And when I got up +next day, I found it hard to think on the real Jerry Dixon I had seen +the night before, apart from the sad and sorrowful Jerry I thought on +a-dying, when I were between sleeping and waking. And for many a day +I turned sick, when I heard the passing bell, for I thought it were +the bell loud-knelling which were to break my heart wi' a sense +of what I'd missed in saying 'No' to Jerry, and so killing him +with cruelty. But in less than a three week, I heard parish bells +a-ringing merrily for a wedding; and in the course of a morning, +some one says to me, 'Hark! how the bells is ringing for Jerry +Dixon's wedding!' And, all on a sudden, he changed back again from a +heart-broken young fellow, like Jemmy Gray, into a stout, middle-aged +man, ruddy-complexioned, with a wart on his left cheek like life!" + +Sally waited for some exclamation at the conclusion of her tale; but +receiving none, she stepped softly to the bedside, and there lay +Ruth, peaceful as death, with her baby on her breast. + +"I thought I'd lost some of my gifts if I could not talk a body to +sleep," said Sally, in a satisfied and self-complacent tone. + +Youth is strong and powerful, and makes a hard battle against sorrow. +So Ruth strove and strengthened, and her baby flourished accordingly; +and before the little celandines were out on the hedge-banks, or the +white violets had sent forth their fragrance from the border under +the south wall of Miss Benson's small garden, Ruth was able to carry +her baby into that sheltered place on sunny days. + +She often wished to thank Mr Benson and his sister, but she did not +know how to tell the deep gratitude she felt, and therefore she was +silent. But they understood her silence well. One day, as she watched +her sleeping child, she spoke to Miss Benson, with whom she happened +to be alone. + +"Do you know of any cottage where the people are clean, and where +they would not mind taking me in?" asked she. + +"Taking you in! What do you mean?" said Miss Benson, dropping her +knitting, in order to observe Ruth more closely. + +"I mean," said Ruth, "where I might lodge with my baby--any very poor +place would do, only it must be clean, or he might be ill." + +"And what in the world do you want to go and lodge in a cottage for?" +said Miss Benson, indignantly. + +Ruth did not lift up her eyes, but she spoke with a firmness which +showed that she had considered the subject. + +"I think I could make dresses. I know I did not learn as much as I +might, but perhaps I might do for servants, and people who are not +particular." + +"Servants are as particular as any one," said Miss Benson, glad to +lay hold of the first objection that she could. + +"Well! somebody who would be patient with me," said Ruth. + +"Nobody is patient over an ill-fitting gown," put in Miss Benson. +"There's the stuff spoilt, and what not!" + +"Perhaps I could find plain work to do," said Ruth, very meekly. +"That I can do very well; mamma taught me, and I liked to learn from +her. If you would be so good, Miss Benson, you might tell people I +could do plain work very neatly, and punctually, and cheaply." + +"You'd get sixpence a day, perhaps," said Miss Benson, "and who would +take care of baby, I should like to know? Prettily he'd be neglected, +would not he? Why, he'd have the croup and the typhus fever in no +time, and be burnt to ashes after." + +"I have thought of all. Look how he sleeps! Hush, darling;" for just +at this point he began to cry, and to show his determination to be +awake, as if in contradiction to his mother's words. Ruth took him +up, and carried him about the room while she went on speaking. + +"Yes, just now I know he will not sleep; but very often he will, and +in the night he always does." + +"And so you'd work in the night and kill yourself, and leave your +poor baby an orphan. Ruth! I'm ashamed of you. Now, brother" (Mr +Benson had just come in), "is not this too bad of Ruth; here she is +planning to go away and leave us, just as we--as I, at least, have +grown so fond of baby, and he's beginning to know me." + +"Where were you thinking of going to, Ruth?" interrupted Mr Benson, +with mild surprise. + +"Anywhere to be near you and Miss Benson; in any poor cottage where I +might lodge very cheaply, and earn my livelihood by taking in plain +sewing, and perhaps a little dressmaking; and where I could come and +see you and dear Miss Benson sometimes and bring baby." + +"If he was not dead before then of some fever, or burn, or scald, +poor neglected child; or you had not worked yourself to death with +never sleeping," said Miss Benson. + +Mr Benson thought a minute or two, and then he spoke to Ruth. + +"Whatever you may do when this little fellow is a year old, and able +to dispense with some of a mother's care, let me beg you, Ruth, as +a favour to me--as a still greater favour to my sister, is it not, +Faith?" + +"Yes; you may put it so if you like." + +"To stay with us," continued he, "till then. When baby is twelve +months old, we'll talk about it again, and very likely before then +some opening may be shown us. Never fear leading an idle life, Ruth. +We'll treat you as a daughter, and set you all the household tasks; +and it is not for your sake that we ask you to stay, but for this +little dumb helpless child's; and it is not for our sake that you +must stay, but for his." + +Ruth was sobbing. + +"I do not deserve your kindness," said she, in a broken voice; "I do +not deserve it." + +Her tears fell fast and soft like summer rain, but no further word +was spoken. Mr Benson quietly passed on to make the inquiry for which +he had entered the room. + +But when there was nothing to decide upon, and no necessity for +entering upon any new course of action, Ruth's mind relaxed from +its strung-up state. She fell into trains of reverie, and mournful +regretful recollections which rendered her languid and tearful. This +was noticed both by Miss Benson and Sally, and as each had keen +sympathies, and felt depressed when they saw any one near them +depressed, and as each, without much reasoning on the cause or reason +for such depression, felt irritated at the uncomfortable state into +which they themselves were thrown, they both resolved to speak to +Ruth on the next fitting occasion. + +Accordingly, one afternoon--the morning of that day had been spent by +Ruth in housework, for she had insisted on Mr Benson's words, and had +taken Miss Benson's share of the more active and fatiguing household +duties, but she went through them heavily, and as if her heart was +far away--in the afternoon when she was nursing her child, Sally, +on coming into the back parlour, found her there alone, and easily +detected the fact that she had been crying. + +"Where's Miss Benson?" said Sally, gruffly. + +"Gone out with Mr Benson," answered Ruth, with an absent sadness +in her voice and manner. Her tears, scarce checked while she spoke, +began to fall afresh; and as Sally stood and gazed she saw the babe +look back in his mother's face, and his little lip begin to quiver, +and his open blue eye to grow over-clouded, as with some mysterious +sympathy with the sorrowful face bent over him. Sally took him +briskly from his mother's arms; Ruth looked up in grave surprise, for +in truth she had forgotten Sally's presence, and the suddenness of +the motion startled her. + +"My bonny boy! are they letting the salt tears drop on thy sweet face +before thou'rt weaned! Little somebody knows how to be a mother--I +could make a better myself. 'Dance, thumbkin, dance--dance, ye merry +men every one.' Aye, that's it! smile, my pretty. Any one but a child +like thee," continued she, turning to Ruth, "would have known better +than to bring ill-luck on thy babby by letting tears fall on its face +before it was weaned. But thou'rt not fit to have a babby, and so +I've said many a time. I've a great mind to buy thee a doll, and take +thy babby mysel'." + +Sally did not look at Ruth, for she was too much engaged in amusing +the baby with the tassel of the string to the window-blind, or else +she would have seen the dignity which the mother's soul put into +Ruth at that moment. Sally was quelled into silence by the gentle +composure, the self-command over her passionate sorrow, which gave to +Ruth an unconscious grandeur of demeanour as she came up to the old +servant. + +"Give him back to me, please. I did not know it brought ill-luck, or +if my heart broke I would not have let a tear drop on his face--I +never will again. Thank you, Sally," as the servant relinquished him +to her who came in the name of a mother. Sally watched Ruth's grave, +sweet smile, as she followed up Sally's play with the tassel, and +imitated, with all the docility inspired by love, every movement and +sound which had amused her babe. + +"Thou'lt be a mother, after all," said Sally, with a kind of +admiration of the control which Ruth was exercising over herself. +"But why talk of thy heart breaking? I don't question thee about +what's past and gone; but now thou'rt wanting for nothing, nor thy +child either; the time to come is the Lord's, and in His hands; and +yet thou goest about a-sighing and a-moaning in a way that I can't +stand or thole." + +"What do I do wrong?" said Ruth; "I try to do all I can." + +"Yes, in a way," said Sally, puzzled to know how to describe her +meaning. "Thou dost it--but there's a right and a wrong way of +setting about everything--and to my thinking, the right way is to +take a thing up heartily, if it is only making a bed. Why! dear ah +me, making a bed may be done after a Christian fashion, I take it, +or else what's to come of such as me in heaven, who've had little +enough time on earth for clapping ourselves down on our knees for +set prayers? When I was a girl, and wretched enough about Master +Thurstan, and the crook on his back which came of the fall I gave +him, I took to praying and sighing, and giving up the world; and +I thought it were wicked to care for the flesh, so I made heavy +puddings, and was careless about dinner and the rooms, and thought I +was doing my duty, though I did call myself a miserable sinner. But +one night, the old missus (Master Thurstan's mother) came in, and +sat down by me, as I was a-scolding myself, without thinking of what +I was saying; and, says she, 'Sally! what are you blaming yourself +about, and groaning over? We hear you in the parlour every night, +and it makes my heart ache.' 'Oh, ma'am,' says I, 'I'm a miserable +sinner, and I'm travailing in the new birth.' 'Was that the reason,' +says she, 'why the pudding was so heavy to-day?' 'Oh, ma'am, ma'am,' +said I, 'if you would not think of the things of the flesh, but +trouble yourself about your immortal soul.' And I sat a-shaking my +head to think about her soul. 'But,' says she, in her sweet-dropping +voice, 'I do try to think of my soul every hour of the day, if by +that you mean trying to do the will of God, but we'll talk now about +the pudding; Master Thurstan could not eat it, and I know you'll be +sorry for that.' Well! I was sorry, but I didn't choose to say so, +as she seemed to expect me; so says I, 'It's a pity to see children +brought up to care for things of the flesh;' and then I could have +bitten my tongue out, for the missus looked so grave, and I thought +of my darling little lad pining for want of his food. At last, says +she, 'Sally, do you think God has put us into the world just to be +selfish, and do nothing but see after our own souls? or to help one +another with heart and hand, as Christ did to all who wanted help?' +I was silent, for, you see, she puzzled me. So she went on, 'What +is that beautiful answer in your Church catechism, Sally?' I were +pleased to hear a Dissenter, as I did not think would have done it, +speak so knowledgeably about the catechism, and she went on: '"to do +my duty in that station of life unto which it shall please God to +call me;" well, your station is a servant, and it is as honourable as +a king's, if you look at it right; you are to help and serve others +in one way, just as a king is to help others in another. Now what way +are you to help and serve, or to do your duty, in that station of +life unto which it has pleased God to call you? Did it answer God's +purpose, and serve Him, when the food was unfit for a child to eat, +and unwholesome for any one?' Well! I would not give it up, I was so +pig-headed about my soul; so says I, 'I wish folks would be content +with locusts and wild honey, and leave other folks in peace to work +out their salvation;' and I groaned out pretty loud to think of +missus's soul. I often think since she smiled a bit at me; but she +said, 'Well, Sally, to-morrow, you shall have time to work out your +salvation; but as we have no locusts in England, and I don't think +they'd agree with Master Thurstan if we had, I will come and make the +pudding; but I shall try and do it well, not only for him to like +it, but because everything may be done in a right way or a wrong; +the right way is to do it as well as we can, as in God's sight; the +wrong is to do it in a self-seeking spirit, which either leads us to +neglect it to follow out some device of our own for our own ends, or +to give up too much time and thought to it both before and after the +doing.' Well! I thought of all old missus's words this morning, when +I saw you making the beds. You sighed so, you could not half shake +the pillows; your heart was not in your work; and yet it was the duty +God had set you, I reckon; I know it's not the work parsons preach +about; though I don't think they go so far off the mark when they +read, 'whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, that do with all thy +might.' Just try for a day to think of all the odd jobs as has to be +done well and truly as in God's sight, not just slurred over anyhow, +and you'll go through them twice as cheerfully, and have no thought +to spare for sighing or crying." + +Sally bustled off to set on the kettle for tea, and felt half +ashamed, in the quiet of the kitchen, to think of the oration she +had made in the parlour. But she saw with much satisfaction, that +henceforward Ruth nursed her boy with a vigour and cheerfulness that +were reflected back from him; and the household work was no longer +performed with a languid indifference, as if life and duty were +distasteful. Miss Benson had her share in this improvement, though +Sally placidly took all the credit to herself. One day as she and +Ruth sat together, Miss Benson spoke of the child, and thence went on +to talk about her own childhood. By degrees they spoke of education, +and the book-learning that forms one part of it; and the result was +that Ruth determined to get up early all through the bright summer +mornings, to acquire the knowledge hereafter to be given to her +child. Her mind was uncultivated, her reading scant; beyond the mere +mechanical arts of education she knew nothing; but she had a refined +taste, and excellent sense and judgment to separate the true from +the false. With these qualities, she set to work under Mr Benson's +directions. She read in the early morning the books that he marked +out; she trained herself with strict perseverance to do all +thoroughly; she did not attempt to acquire any foreign language, +although her ambition was to learn Latin, in order to teach it to her +boy. Those summer mornings were happy, for she was learning neither +to look backwards nor forwards, but to live faithfully and earnestly +in the present. She rose while the hedge-sparrow was yet singing his +_reveille_ to his mate; she dressed and opened her window, shading +the soft-blowing air and the sunny eastern light from her baby. If +she grew tired, she went and looked at him, and all her thoughts were +holy prayers for him. Then she would gaze awhile out of the high +upper window on to the moorlands, that swelled in waves one behind +the other, in the grey, cool morning light. These were her occasional +relaxations, and after them she returned with strength to her work. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII + +Leonard's Christening + + +In that body of Dissenters to which Mr Benson belonged, it is not +considered necessary to baptize infants as early as the ceremony can +be performed; and many circumstances concurred to cause the solemn +thanksgiving and dedication of the child (for so these Dissenters +look upon christenings) to be deferred until it was probably +somewhere about six months old. There had been many conversations +in the little sitting-room between the brother and sister and their +_protegee_, which had consisted more of questions betraying a +thoughtful wondering kind of ignorance on the part of Ruth, and +answers more suggestive than explanatory from Mr Benson; while Miss +Benson kept up a kind of running commentary, always simple and often +quaint, but with that intuition into the very heart of all things +truly religious which is often the gift of those who seem, at first +sight, to be only affectionate and sensible. When Mr Benson had +explained his own views of what a christening ought to be considered, +and, by calling out Ruth's latent feelings into pious earnestness, +brought her into a right frame of mind, he felt that he had done what +he could to make the ceremony more than a mere form, and to invest +it, quiet, humble, and obscure as it must necessarily be in outward +shape--mournful and anxious as much of its antecedents had rendered +it--with the severe grandeur of an act done in faith and truth. + +It was not far to carry the little one, for, as I said, the chapel +almost adjoined the minister's house. The whole procession was +to have consisted of Mr and Miss Benson, Ruth carrying her baby, +and Sally, who felt herself, as a Church-of-England woman, to be +condescending and kind in requesting leave to attend a baptism among +"them Dissenters;" but unless she had asked permission, she would +not have been desired to attend, so careful was the habit of her +master and mistress that she should be allowed that freedom which +they claimed for themselves. But they were glad she wished to go; +they liked the feeling that all were of one household, and that +the interests of one were the interests of all. It produced a +consequence, however, which they did not anticipate. Sally was full +of the event which her presence was to sanction, and, as it were, +to redeem from the character of being utterly schismatic; she spoke +about it with an air of patronage to three or four, and among them to +some of the servants at Mr Bradshaw's. + +Miss Benson was rather surprised to receive a call from Jemima +Bradshaw, on the very morning of the day on which little Leonard was +to be baptized; Miss Bradshaw was rosy and breathless with eagerness. +Although the second in the family, she had been at school when her +younger sisters had been christened, and she was now come, in the +full warmth of a girl's fancy, to ask if she might be present at the +afternoon's service. She had been struck with Mrs Denbigh's grace +and beauty at the very first sight, when she had accompanied her +mother to call upon the Bensons on their return from Wales; and had +kept up an enthusiastic interest in the widow only a little older +than herself, whose very reserve and retirement but added to her +unconscious power of enchantment. + +"Oh, Miss Benson! I never saw a christening; papa says I may go, if +you think Mr Benson and Mrs Denbigh would not dislike it; and I will +be quite quiet, and sit up behind the door, or anywhere; and that +sweet little baby! I should so like to see him christened; is he to +be called Leonard, did you say? After Mr Denbigh, is it?" + +"No--not exactly," said Miss Benson, rather discomfited. + +"Was not Mr Denbigh's name Leonard, then? Mamma thought it would be +sure to be called after him, and so did I. But I may come to the +christening, may I not, dear Miss Benson?" + +Miss Benson gave her consent with a little inward reluctance. +Both her brother and Ruth shared in this feeling, although no one +expressed it; and it was presently forgotten. + +Jemima stood grave and quiet in the old-fashioned vestry adjoining +the chapel, as they entered with steps subdued to slowness. She +thought Ruth looked so pale and awed because she was left a solitary +parent; but Ruth came to the presence of God, as one who had gone +astray, and doubted her own worthiness to be called His child; she +came as a mother who had incurred a heavy responsibility, and who +entreated His almighty aid to enable her to discharge it; full of +passionate, yearning love which craved for more faith in God, to +still her distrust and fear of the future that might hang over her +darling. When she thought of her boy, she sickened and trembled; +but when she heard of God's loving-kindness, far beyond all tender +mother's love, she was hushed into peace and prayer. There she stood, +her fair pale cheek resting on her baby's head, as he slumbered on +her bosom; her eyes went slanting down under their half-closed white +lids; but their gaze was not on the primitive cottage-like room, it +was earnestly fixed on a dim mist, through which she fain would have +seen the life that lay before her child; but the mist was still and +dense, too thick a veil for anxious human love to penetrate. The +future was hid with God. + +Mr Benson stood right under the casement window that was placed high +up in the room; he was almost in shade, except for one or two marked +lights which fell on hair already silvery white; his voice was always +low and musical when he spoke to few; it was too weak to speak so as +to be heard by many without becoming harsh and strange; but now it +filled the little room with a loving sound, like the stock-dove's +brooding murmur over her young. He and Ruth forgot all in their +earnestness of thought; and when he said "Let us pray," and the +little congregation knelt down, you might have heard the baby's faint +breathing, scarcely sighing out upon the stillness, so absorbed were +all in the solemnity. But the prayer was long; thought followed +thought, and fear crowded upon fear, and all were to be laid bare +before God, and His aid and counsel asked. Before the end Sally had +shuffled quietly out of the vestry into the green chapel-yard, upon +which the door opened. Miss Benson was alive to this movement, and so +full of curiosity as to what it might mean that she could no longer +attend to her brother, and felt inclined to rush off and question +Sally the moment all was ended. Miss Bradshaw hung about the babe +and Ruth, and begged to be allowed to carry the child home, but Ruth +pressed him to her, as if there was no safe harbour for him but in +his mother's breast. Mr Benson saw her feeling, and caught Miss +Bradshaw's look of disappointment. + +"Come home with us," said he, "and stay to tea. You have never drank +tea with us since you went to school." + +"I wish I might," said Miss Bradshaw, colouring with pleasure. "But I +must ask papa. May I run home and ask?" + +"To be sure, my dear!" + +Jemima flew off; and fortunately her father was at home; for her +mother's permission would have been deemed insufficient. She received +many directions about her behaviour. + +"Take no sugar in your tea, Jemima. I am sure the Bensons ought not +to be able to afford sugar, with their means. And do not eat much; +you can have plenty at home on your return; remember Mrs Denbigh's +keep must cost them a great deal." + +So Jemima returned considerably sobered, and very much afraid of her +hunger leading her to forget Mr Benson's poverty. Meanwhile Miss +Benson and Sally, acquainted with Mr Benson's invitation to Jemima, +set about making some capital tea-cakes on which they piqued +themselves. They both enjoyed the offices of hospitality; and were +glad to place some home-made tempting dainty before their guests. + +"What made ye leave the chapel-vestry before my brother had ended?" +inquired Miss Benson. + +"Indeed, ma'am, I thought master had prayed so long he'd be drouthy. +So I just slipped out to put on the kettle for tea." + +Miss Benson was on the point of reprimanding her for thinking of +anything besides the object of the prayer, when she remembered how +she herself had been unable to attend after Sally's departure for +wondering what had become of her; so she was silent. + +It was a disappointment to Miss Benson's kind and hospitable +expectation when Jemima, as hungry as a hound, confined herself +to one piece of the cake which her hostess had had such pleasure +in making. And Jemima wished she had not a prophetic feeling all +tea-time of the manner in which her father would inquire into the +particulars of the meal, elevating his eyebrows at every viand named +beyond plain bread-and-butter, and winding up with some such sentence +as this: "Well, I marvel how, with Benson's salary, he can afford to +keep such a table." Sally could have told of self-denial when no one +was by, when the left hand did not know what the right hand did, on +the part of both her master and mistress, practised without thinking +even to themselves that it was either a sacrifice or a virtue, in +order to enable them to help those who were in need, or even to +gratify Miss Benson's kind, old-fashioned feelings on such occasions +as the present, when a stranger came to the house. Her homely, +affectionate pleasure in making others comfortable, might have shown +that such little occasional extravagances were not waste, but a good +work; and were not to be gauged by the standard of money-spending. +This evening her spirits were damped by Jemima's refusal to eat. Poor +Jemima! the cakes were so good, and she was so hungry; but still she +refused. + +While Sally was clearing away the tea-things, Miss Benson and Jemima +accompanied Ruth upstairs, when she went to put little Leonard to +bed. + +"A christening is a very solemn service," said Miss Bradshaw; "I had +no idea it was so solemn. Mr Benson seemed to speak as if he had a +weight of care on his heart that God alone could relieve or lighten." + +"My brother feels these things very much," said Miss Benson, rather +wishing to cut short the conversation, for she had been aware of +several parts in the prayer which she knew were suggested by the +peculiarity and sadness of the case before him. + +"I could not quite follow him all through," continued Jemima; "what +did he mean by saying, 'This child, rebuked by the world and bidden +to stand apart, Thou wilt not rebuke, but wilt suffer it to come to +Thee and be blessed with Thine almighty blessing'? Why is this little +darling to be rebuked? I do not think I remember the exact words, but +he said something like that." + +"My dear! your gown is dripping wet! it must have dipped into the +tub; let me wring it out." + +"Oh, thank you! Never mind my gown!" said Jemima, hastily, and +wanting to return to her question; but just then she caught the sight +of tears falling fast down the cheeks of the silent Ruth as she bent +over her child, crowing and splashing away in his tub. With a sudden +consciousness that unwittingly she had touched on some painful chord, +Jemima rushed into another subject, and was eagerly seconded by Miss +Benson. The circumstance seemed to die away, and leave no trace; +but in after-years it rose, vivid and significant, before Jemima's +memory. At present it was enough for her, if Mrs Denbigh would let +her serve her in every possible way. Her admiration for beauty was +keen, and little indulged at home; and Ruth was very beautiful in her +quiet mournfulness; her mean and homely dress left herself only the +more open to admiration, for she gave it a charm by her unconscious +wearing of it that made it seem like the drapery of an old Greek +statue--subordinate to the figure it covered, yet imbued by it with +an unspeakable grace. Then the pretended circumstances of her life +were such as to catch the imagination of a young romantic girl. +Altogether, Jemima could have kissed her hand and professed herself +Ruth's slave. She moved away all the articles used at this little +_coucher_; she folded up Leonard's day-clothes; she felt only too +much honoured when Ruth trusted him to her for a few minutes--only +too amply rewarded when Ruth thanked her with a grave, sweet smile, +and a grateful look of her loving eyes. + +When Jemima had gone away with the servant who was sent to fetch her, +there was a little chorus of praise. + +"She's a warm-hearted girl," said Miss Benson. "She remembers all the +old days before she went to school. She is worth two of Mr Richard. +They're each of them just the same as they were when they were +children, when they broke that window in the chapel, and he ran +away home, and she came knocking at our door, with a single knock, +just like a beggar's, and I went to see who it was, and was quite +startled to see her round, brown, honest face looking up at me, +half-frightened, and telling me what she had done, and offering me +the money in her savings bank to pay for it. We never should have +heard of Master Richard's share in the business if it had not been +for Sally." + +"But remember," said Mr Benson, "how strict Mr Bradshaw has always +been with his children. It is no wonder if poor Richard was a coward +in those days." + +"He is now, or I'm much mistaken," answered Miss Benson. "And Mr +Bradshaw was just as strict with Jemima, and she's no coward. But +I've no faith in Richard. He has a look about him that I don't like. +And when Mr Bradshaw was away on business in Holland last year, for +those months my young gentleman did not come half as regularly to +chapel, and I always believe that story of his being seen out with +the hounds at Smithiles." + +"Those are neither of them great offences in a young man of twenty," +said Mr Benson, smiling. + +"No! I don't mind them in themselves; but when he could change back +so easily to being regular and mim when his father came home, I don't +like that." + +"Leonard shall never be afraid of me," said Ruth, following her own +train of thought. "I will be his friend from the very first; and I +will try and learn how to be a wise friend, and you will teach me, +won't you, sir?" + +"What made you wish to call him Leonard, Ruth?" asked Miss Benson. + +"It was my mother's father's name; and she used to tell me about him +and his goodness, and I thought if Leonard could be like him--" + +"Do you remember the discussion there was about Miss Bradshaw's name, +Thurstan? Her father wanting her to be called Hepzibah, but insisting +that she was to have a Scripture name at any rate; and Mrs Bradshaw +wanting her to be Juliana, after some novel she had read not long +before; and at last Jemima was fixed upon, because it would do either +for a Scripture name or a name for a heroine out of a book." + +"I did not know Jemima was a Scripture name," said Ruth. + +"Oh yes, it is. One of Job's daughters; Jemima, Kezia, and +Keren-Happuch. There are a good many Jemimas in the world, and some +Kezias, but I never heard of a Keren-Happuch; and yet we know just as +much of one as of another. People really like a pretty name, whether +in Scripture or out of it." + +"When there is no particular association with the name," said Mr +Benson. + +"Now, I was called Faith after the cardinal virtue; and I like my +name, though many people would think it too Puritan; that was +according to our gentle mother's pious desire. And Thurstan was +called by his name because my father wished it; for, although he was +what people called a radical and a democrat in his ways of talking +and thinking, he was very proud in his heart of being descended from +some old Sir Thurstan, who figured away in the French wars." + +"The difference between theory and practice, thinking and being," put +in Mr Benson, who was in a mood for allowing himself a little social +enjoyment. He leant back in his chair, with his eyes looking at, +but not seeing the ceiling. Miss Benson was clicking away with her +eternal knitting-needles, looking at her brother, and seeing him, +too. Ruth was arranging her child's clothes against the morrow. It +was but their usual way of spending an evening; the variety was given +by the different tone which the conversation assumed on the different +nights. Yet, somehow, the peacefulness of the time, the window open +into the little garden, the scents that came stealing in, and the +clear summer heaven above, made the time be remembered as a happy +festival by Ruth. Even Sally seemed more placid than usual when she +came in to prayers; and she and Miss Benson followed Ruth to her +bedroom, to look at the beautiful sleeping Leonard. + +"God bless him!" said Miss Benson, stooping down to kiss his little +dimpled hand, which lay outside the coverlet, tossed abroad in the +heat of the evening. + +"Now, don't get up too early, Ruth! Injuring your health will be +short-sighted wisdom and poor economy. Good night!" + +"Good night, dear Miss Benson. Good night, Sally." When Ruth had shut +her door, she went again to the bed, and looked at her boy till her +eyes filled with tears. + +"God bless thee, darling! I only ask to be one of His instruments, +and not thrown aside as useless--or worse than useless." + +So ended the day of Leonard's christening. + +Mr Benson had sometimes taught the children of different people as +an especial favour, when requested by them. But then his pupils were +only children, and by their progress he was little prepared for +Ruth's. She had had early teaching, of that kind which need never be +unlearnt, from her mother; enough to unfold many of her powers; they +had remained inactive now for several years, but had grown strong +in the dark and quiet time. Her tutor was surprised at the bounds +by which she surmounted obstacles, the quick perception and ready +adaptation of truths and first principles, and her immediate sense of +the fitness of things. Her delight in what was strong and beautiful +called out her master's sympathy; but, most of all, he admired the +complete unconsciousness of uncommon power, or unusual progress. It +was less of a wonder than he considered it to be, it is true, for +she never thought of comparing what she was now with her former self, +much less with another. Indeed, she did not think of herself at all, +but of her boy, and what she must learn in order to teach him to be +and to do as suited her hope and her prayer. If any one's devotion +could have flattered her into self-consciousness, it was Jemima's. Mr +Bradshaw never dreamed that his daughter could feel herself inferior +to the minister's _protegee_, but so it was; and no knight-errant of +old could consider himself more honoured by his ladye's commands than +did Jemima, if Ruth allowed her to do anything for her or for her +boy. Ruth loved her heartily, even while she was rather annoyed at +the open expressions Jemima used of admiration. + +"Please, I really would rather not be told if people do think me +pretty." + +"But it was not merely beautiful; it was sweet-looking and good, Mrs +Postlethwaite called you," replied Jemima. + +"All the more I would rather not hear it. I may be pretty, but I know +I am not good. Besides, I don't think we ought to hear what is said +of us behind our backs." + +Ruth spoke so gravely, that Jemima feared lest she was displeased. + +"Dear Mrs Denbigh, I never will admire or praise you again. Only let +me love you." + +"And let me love you!" said Ruth, with a tender kiss. + +Jemima would not have been allowed to come so frequently if Mr +Bradshaw had not been possessed with the idea of patronising Ruth. If +the latter had chosen, she might have gone dressed from head to foot +in the presents which he wished to make her, but she refused them +constantly; occasionally to Miss Benson's great annoyance. But if +he could not load her with gifts, he could show his approbation by +asking her to his house; and after some deliberation, she consented +to accompany Mr and Miss Benson there. The house was square and +massy-looking, with a great deal of drab-colour about the furniture. +Mrs Bradshaw, in her lackadaisical, sweet-tempered way, seconded her +husband in his desire of being kind to Ruth; and as she cherished +privately a great taste for what was beautiful or interesting, as +opposed to her husband's love of the purely useful, this taste of +hers had rarely had so healthy and true a mode of gratification as +when she watched Ruth's movements about the room, which seemed in +its unobtrusiveness and poverty of colour to receive the requisite +ornament of light and splendour from Ruth's presence. Mrs Bradshaw +sighed, and wished she had a daughter as lovely, about whom to weave +a romance; for castle-building, after the manner of the Minerva +press, was the outlet by which she escaped from the pressure of her +prosaic life, as Mr Bradshaw's wife. Her perception was only of +external beauty, and she was not always alive to that, or she might +have seen how a warm, affectionate, ardent nature, free from all +envy or carking care of self, gave an unspeakable charm to her plain, +bright-faced daughter Jemima, whose dark eyes kept challenging +admiration for her friend. The first evening spent at Mr Bradshaw's +passed like many succeeding visits there. There was tea, the equipage +for which was as handsome and as ugly as money could purchase. Then +the ladies produced their sewing, while Mr Bradshaw stood before +the fire, and gave the assembled party the benefit of his opinions +on many subjects. The opinions were as good and excellent as the +opinions of any man can be who sees one side of a case very strongly, +and almost ignores the other. They coincided in many points with +those held by Mr Benson, but he once or twice interposed with a plea +for those who might differ; and then he was heard by Mr Bradshaw with +a kind of evident and indulgent pity, such as one feels for a child +who unwittingly talks nonsense. By-and-by, Mrs Bradshaw and Miss +Benson fell into one _tete a tete_, and Ruth and Jemima into another. +Two well-behaved but unnaturally quiet children were sent to bed +early in the evening, in an authoritative voice, by their father, +because one of them had spoken too loud while he was enlarging on an +alteration in the tariff. Just before the supper-tray was brought in, +a gentleman was announced whom Ruth had never previously seen, but +who appeared well known to the rest of the party. It was Mr Farquhar, +Mr Bradshaw's partner; he had been on the Continent for the last +year, and had only recently returned. He seemed perfectly at home, +but spoke little. He leaned back in his chair, screwed up his +eyes, and watched everybody; yet there was nothing unpleasant or +impertinent in his keenness of observation. Ruth wondered to hear +him contradict Mr Bradshaw, and almost expected some rebuff; but Mr +Bradshaw, if he did not yield the point, admitted, for the first time +that evening, that it was possible something might be said on the +other side. Mr Farquhar differed also from Mr Benson, but it was in a +more respectful manner than Mr Bradshaw had done. For these reasons, +although Mr Farquhar had never spoken to Ruth, she came away with the +impression that he was a man to be respected, and perhaps liked. + +Sally would have thought herself mightily aggrieved if, on their +return, she had not heard some account of the evening. As soon as +Miss Benson came in, the old servant began: + +"Well, and who was there? and what did they give you for supper?" + +"Only Mr Farquhar besides ourselves; and sandwiches, sponge-cake, and +wine; there was no occasion for anything more," replied Miss Benson, +who was tired and preparing to go upstairs. + +"Mr Farquhar! Why they do say he's thinking of Miss Jemima!" + +"Nonsense, Sally! why he's old enough to be her father!" said Miss +Benson, half way up the first flight. + +"There's no need for it to be called nonsense, though he may be +ten year older," muttered Sally, retreating towards the kitchen. +"Bradshaw's Betsy knows what she's about, and wouldn't have said it +for nothing." + +Ruth wondered a little about it. She loved Jemima well enough to be +interested in what related to her; but, after thinking for a few +minutes, she decided that such a marriage was, and would ever be, +very unlikely. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII + +Ruth Becomes a Governess in Mr Bradshaw's Family + + +One afternoon, not long after this, Mr and Miss Benson set off to +call upon a farmer, who attended the chapel, but lived at some +distance from the town. They intended to stay to tea if they were +invited, and Ruth and Sally were left to spend a long afternoon +together. At first, Sally was busy in her kitchen, and Ruth employed +herself in carrying her baby out into the garden. It was now nearly +a year since she came to the Bensons'; it seemed like yesterday, and +yet as if a lifetime had gone between. The flowers were budding now, +that were all in bloom when she came down, on the first autumnal +morning, into the sunny parlour. The yellow jessamine, that was then +a tender plant, had now taken firm root in the soil, and was sending +out strong shoots; the wall-flowers, which Miss Benson had sown on +the wall a day or two after her arrival, were scenting the air with +their fragrant flowers. Ruth knew every plant now; it seemed as +though she had always lived here, and always known the inhabitants +of the house. She heard Sally singing her accustomed song in the +kitchen, a song she never varied over her afternoon's work. It began, + + + As I was going to Derby, sir, + Upon a market-day. + + +And if music is a necessary element in a song, perhaps I had better +call it by some other name. + +But the strange change was in Ruth herself. She was conscious of +it though she could not define it, and did not dwell upon it. Life +had become significant and full of duty to her. She delighted in +the exercise of her intellectual powers, and liked the idea of +the infinite amount of which she was ignorant; for it was a grand +pleasure to learn--to crave, and be satisfied. She strove to forget +what had gone before this last twelve months. She shuddered up from +contemplating it; it was like a bad, unholy dream. And yet, there was +a strange yearning kind of love for the father of the child whom she +pressed to her heart, which came, and she could not bid it begone as +sinful, it was so pure and natural, even when thinking of it, as in +the sight of God. Little Leonard cooed to the flowers, and stretched +after their bright colours; and Ruth laid him on the dry turf, and +pelted him with the gay petals. He chinked and crowed with laughing +delight, and clutched at her cap, and pulled it off. Her short rich +curls were golden-brown in the slanting sunlight, and by their very +shortness made her look more child-like. She hardly seemed as if +she could be the mother of the noble babe over whom she knelt, now +snatching kisses, now matching his cheek with rose-leaves. All at +once, the bells of the old church struck the hour; and far away, high +up in the air, began slowly to play the old tune of "Life let us +cherish;" they had played it for years--for the life of man--and it +always sounded fresh and strange and aerial. Ruth was still in a +moment, she knew not why; and the tears came into her eyes as she +listened. When it was ended, she kissed her baby, and bade God bless +him. + +Just then Sally came out, dressed for the evening, with a leisurely +look about her. She had done her work, and she and Ruth were to drink +tea together in the exquisitely clean kitchen; but while the kettle +was boiling, she came out to enjoy the flowers. She gathered a piece +of southern-wood, and stuffed it up her nose, by way of smelling it. + +"Whatten you call this in your country?" asked she. + +"Old-man," replied Ruth. + +"We call it here lad's-love. It and peppermint-drops always remind me +of going to church in the country. Here! I'll get you a black-currant +leaf to put in the teapot. It gives it a flavour. We had bees once +against this wall; but when missus died, we forgot to tell 'em, and +put 'em in mourning, and, in course, they swarmed away without our +knowing, and the next winter came a hard frost, and they died. Now, I +dare say, the water will be boiling; and it's time for little master +there to come in, for the dew is falling. See, all the daisies is +shutting themselves up." + +Sally was most gracious as a hostess. She quite put on her company +manners to receive Ruth in the kitchen. They laid Leonard to sleep on +the sofa in the parlour, that they might hear him the more easily, +and then they sat quietly down to their sewing by the bright kitchen +fire. Sally was, as usual, the talker; and, as usual, the subject was +the family of whom for so many years she had formed a part. + +"Aye! things was different when I was a girl," quoth she. "Eggs was +thirty for a shilling, and butter only sixpence a pound. My wage when +I came here was but three pound, and I did on it, and was always +clean and tidy, which is more than many a lass can say now who gets +her seven and eight pound a year; and tea was kept for an afternoon +drink, and pudding was eaten afore meat in them days, and the upshot +was, people paid their debts better; aye, aye! we'n gone backwards, +and we thinken we'n gone forrards." + +After shaking her head a little over the degeneracy of the times, +Sally returned to a part of the subject on which she thought she had +given Ruth a wrong idea. + +"You'll not go for to think now that I've not more than three pound +a year. I've a deal above that now. First of all, old missus gave me +four pound, for she said I were worth it, and I thought in my heart +that I were; so I took it without more ado; but after her death, +Master Thurstan and Miss Faith took a fit of spending, and says they +to me, one day as I carried tea in, 'Sally, we think your wages ought +to be raised.' 'What matter what you think!' said I, pretty sharp, +for I thought they'd ha' shown more respect to missus if they'd let +things stand as they were in her time; and they'd gone and moved the +sofa away from the wall to where it stands now, already that very +day. So I speaks up sharp, and, says I, 'As long as I'm content, I +think it's no business of yours to be meddling wi' me and my money +matters.' 'But,' says Miss Faith (she's always the one to speak first +if you'll notice, though it's master that comes in and clinches the +matter with some reason she'd never ha' thought of--he were always a +sensible lad), 'Sally, all the servants in the town have six pound +and better, and you have as hard a place as any of 'em.' 'Did you +ever hear me grumble about my work that you talk about it in that +way? wait till I grumble,' says I, 'but don't meddle wi' me till +then.' So I flung off in a huff; but in the course of the evening, +Master Thurstan came in and sat down in the kitchen, and he's such +winning ways he wiles one over to anything; and besides, a notion had +come into my head--now, you'll not tell," said she, glancing round +the room, and hitching her chair nearer to Ruth in a confidential +manner; Ruth promised, and Sally went on: + +"I thought I should like to be an heiress wi' money, and leave it all +to Master and Miss Faith; and I thought if I'd six pound a year I +could, maybe, get to be an heiress; all I was feared on was that some +chap or other might marry me for my money, but I've managed to keep +the fellows off; so I looks mim and grateful, and I thanks Master +Thurstan for his offer, and I takes the wages; and what do you think +I've done?" asked Sally, with an exultant air. + +"What have you done?" asked Ruth. + +"Why," replied Sally, slowly and emphatically, "I've saved thirty +pound! but that's not it. I've getten a lawyer to make me a will; +that's it, wench!" said she, slapping Ruth on the back. + +"How did you manage it?" asked Ruth. + +"Aye, that was it," said Sally; "I thowt about it many a night before +I hit on the right way. I was afeard the money might be thrown into +Chancery, if I didn't make it all safe, and yet I could na' ask +Master Thurstan. At last and at length, John Jackson, the grocer, had +a nephew come to stay a week with him, as was 'prentice to a lawyer +in Liverpool; so now was my time, and here was my lawyer. Wait a +minute! I could tell you my story better if I had my will in my hand; +and I'll scomfish you if ever you go for to tell." + +She held up her hand, and threatened Ruth as she left the kitchen to +fetch the will. + +When she came back, she brought a parcel tied up in a blue +pocket-handkerchief; she sat down, squared her knees, untied the +handkerchief, and displayed a small piece of parchment. + +"Now, do you know what this is?" said she, holding it up. "It's +parchment, and it's the right stuff to make wills on. People gets +into Chancery if they don't make them o' this stuff, and I reckon Tom +Jackson thowt he'd have a fresh job on it if he could get it into +Chancery; for the rascal went and wrote it on a piece of paper at +first, and came and read it me out loud off a piece of paper no +better than what one writes letters upon. I were up to him; and, +thinks I, Come, come, my lad, I'm not a fool, though you may think +so; I know a paper will won't stand, but I'll let you run your rig. +So I sits and I listens. And would you belie' me, he read it out as +if it were as clear a business as your giving me that thimble--no +more ado, though it were thirty pound! I could understand it +mysel'--that were no law for me. I wanted summat to consider about, +and for th' meaning to be wrapped up as I wrap up my best gown. So +says I, 'Tom! it's not on parchment. I mun have it on parchment.' +'This 'ill do as well,' says he. 'We'll get it witnessed, and it will +stand good.' Well! I liked the notion of having it witnessed, and for +a while that soothed me; but after a bit, I felt I should like it +done according to law, and not plain out as anybody might ha' done +it; I mysel', if I could have written. So says I, 'Tom! I mun have it +on parchment.' 'Parchment costs money,' says he, very grave. 'Oh, oh, +my lad! are ye there?' thinks I. 'That's the reason I'm clipped of +law.' So says I, 'Tom! I mun have it on parchment. I'll pay the money +and welcome. It's thirty pound, and what I can lay to it. I'll make +it safe. It shall be on parchment, and I'll tell thee what, lad! +I'll gie ye sixpence for every good law-word you put in it, sounding +like, and not to be caught up as a person runs. Your master had need +to be ashamed of you as a 'prentice if you can't do a thing more +tradesman-like than this!' Well! he laughed above a bit, but I were +firm, and stood to it. So he made it out on parchment. Now, woman, +try and read it!" said she, giving it to Ruth. + +Ruth smiled, and began to read; Sally listening with rapt attention. +When Ruth came to the word "testatrix," Sally stopped her. + +"That was the first sixpence," said she. "I thowt he was going to fob +me off again wi' plain language; but when that word came, I out wi' +my sixpence, and gave it to him on the spot. Now go on." + +Presently Ruth read, "accruing." + +"That was the second sixpence. Four sixpences it were in all, besides +six-and-eightpence as we bargained at first, and three-and-fourpence +parchment. There! that's what I call a will; witnessed according to +law, and all. Master Thurstan will be prettily taken in when I die, +and he finds all his extra wage left back to him. But it will teach +him it's not so easy as he thinks for, to make a woman give up her +way." + +The time was now drawing near when little Leonard might be +weaned--the time appointed by all three for Ruth to endeavour to +support herself in some way more or less independent of Mr and Miss +Benson. This prospect dwelt much in all of their minds, and was in +each shaded with some degree of perplexity; but they none of them +spoke of it for fear of accelerating the event. If they had felt +clear and determined as to the best course to be pursued, they were +none of them deficient in courage to commence upon that course at +once. Miss Benson would, perhaps, have objected the most to any +alteration in their present daily mode of life; but that was because +she had the habit of speaking out her thoughts as they arose, and she +particularly disliked and dreaded change. Besides this, she had felt +her heart open out, and warm towards the little helpless child, in a +strong and powerful manner. Nature had intended her warm instincts +to find vent in a mother's duties; her heart had yearned after +children, and made her restless in her childless state, without her +well knowing why; but now, the delight she experienced in tending, +nursing, and contriving for the little boy--even contriving to the +point of sacrificing many of her cherished whims--made her happy +and satisfied and peaceful. It was more difficult to sacrifice her +whims than her comforts; but all had been given up when and where +required by the sweet lordly baby, who reigned paramount in his very +helplessness. + +From some cause or other, an exchange of ministers for one Sunday was +to be effected with a neighbouring congregation, and Mr Benson went +on a short absence from home. When he returned on Monday, he was met +at the house-door by his sister, who had evidently been looking out +for him for some time. She stepped out to greet him. + +"Don't hurry yourself, Thurstan! all's well; only I wanted to tell +you something. Don't fidget yourself--baby is quite well, bless him! +It's only good news. Come into your room, and let me talk a little +quietly with you." + +She drew him into his study, which was near the outer door, and +then she took off his coat, and put his carpet-bag in a corner, and +wheeled a chair to the fire, before she would begin. + +"Well, now! to think how often things fall out just as we want them, +Thurstan! Have not you often wondered what was to be done with Ruth +when the time came at which we promised her she should earn her +living? I am sure you have, because I have so often thought about it +myself. And yet I never dared to speak out my fear, because that +seemed giving it a shape. And now Mr Bradshaw has put all to rights. +He invited Mr Jackson to dinner yesterday, just as we were going into +chapel; and then he turned to me and asked me if I would come to +tea--straight from afternoon chapel, because Mrs Bradshaw wanted +to speak to me. He made it very clear I was not to bring Ruth; and, +indeed, she was only too happy to stay at home with baby. And so I +went; and Mrs Bradshaw took me into her bedroom, and shut the doors, +and said Mr Bradshaw had told her, that he did not like Jemima being +so much confined with the younger ones while they were at their +lessons, and that he wanted some one above a nursemaid to sit with +them while their masters were there--some one who would see about +their learning their lessons, and who would walk out with them; a +sort of nursery governess, I think she meant, though she did not +say so; and Mr Bradshaw (for, of course, I saw his thoughts and +words constantly peeping out, though he had told her to speak to me) +believed that our Ruth would be the very person. Now, Thurstan, don't +look so surprised, as if she had never come into your head! I am sure +I saw what Mrs Bradshaw was driving at, long before she came to the +point; and I could scarcely keep from smiling, and saying, 'We'd jump +at the proposal'--long before I ought to have known anything about +it." + +"Oh, I wonder what we ought to do!" said Mr Benson. "Or rather, I +believe I see what we ought to do, if I durst but do it." + +"Why, what ought we to do?" asked his sister, in surprise. + +"I ought to go and tell Mr Bradshaw the whole story--" + +"And get Ruth turned out of our house," said Miss Benson, +indignantly. + +"They can't make us do that," said her brother. "I do not think they +would try." + +"Yes, Mr Bradshaw would try; and he would blazon out poor Ruth's +sin, and there would not be a chance for her left. I know him well, +Thurstan; and why should he be told now, more than a year ago?" + +"A year ago he did not want to put her in a situation of trust about +his children." + +"And you think she'll abuse that trust, do you? You've lived a +twelvemonth in the house with Ruth, and the end of it is, you think +she will do his children harm! Besides, who encouraged Jemima to come +to the house so much to see Ruth? Did you not say it would do them +both good to see something of each other?" + +Mr Benson sat thinking. + +"If you had not known Ruth as well as you do--if during her stay +with us you had marked anything wrong, or forward, or deceitful, or +immodest, I would say at once, 'Don't allow Mr Bradshaw to take her +into his house;' but still I would say, 'Don't tell of her sin and +her sorrow to so severe a man--so unpitiful a judge.' But here I +ask you, Thurstan, can you, or I, or Sally (quick-eyed as she is), +say, that in any one thing we have had true, just occasion to find +fault with Ruth? I don't mean that she is perfect--she acts without +thinking, her temper is sometimes warm and hasty; but have we any +right to go and injure her prospects for life, by telling Mr Bradshaw +all we know of her errors--only sixteen when she did so wrong, and +never to escape from it all her many years to come--to have the +despair which would arise from its being known, clutching her back +into worse sin? What harm do you think she can do? What is the risk +to which you think you are exposing Mr Bradshaw's children?" She +paused, out of breath, her eyes glittering with tears of indignation, +and impatient for an answer, that she might knock it to pieces. + +"I do not see any danger that can arise," said he at length, and with +slow difficulty, as if not fully convinced. "I have watched Ruth, and +I believe she is pure and truthful; and the very sorrow and penitence +she has felt--the very suffering she has gone through--has given her +a thoughtful conscientiousness beyond her age." + +"That and the care of her baby," said Miss Benson, secretly delighted +at the tone of her brother's thoughts. + +"Ah, Faith! that baby you so much dreaded once, is turning out a +blessing, you see," said Thurstan, with a faint, quiet smile. + +"Yes! any one might be thankful, and better too, for Leonard; but how +could I tell that it would be like him?" + +"But to return to Ruth and Mr Bradshaw. What did you say?" + +"Oh! with my feelings, of course, I was only too glad to accept the +proposal, and so I told Mrs Bradshaw then; and I afterwards repeated +it to Mr Bradshaw, when he asked me if his wife had mentioned their +plans. They would understand that I must consult you and Ruth, before +it could be considered as finally settled." + +"And have you named it to her?" + +"Yes," answered Miss Benson, half afraid lest he should think she had +been too precipitate. + +"And what did she say?" asked he, after a little pause of grave +silence. + +"At first she seemed very glad, and fell into my mood of planning how +it should all be managed; how Sally and I should take care of the +baby the hours that she was away at Mr Bradshaw's; but by-and-by she +became silent and thoughtful, and knelt down by me and hid her face +in my lap, and shook a little as if she was crying; and then I heard +her speak in a very low smothered voice, for her head was still bent +down--quite hanging down, indeed, so that I could not see her face, +so I stooped to listen, and I heard her say, 'Do you think I should +be good enough to teach little girls, Miss Benson?' She said it so +humbly and fearfully that all I thought of was how to cheer her, and +I answered and asked her if she did not hope to be good enough to +bring up her own darling to be a brave Christian man? And she lifted +up her head, and I saw her eyes looking wild and wet and earnest, and +she said, 'With God's help, that will I try to make my child.' And I +said then, 'Ruth, as you strive and as you pray for your own child, +so you must strive and pray to make Mary and Elizabeth good, if you +are trusted with them.' And she said out quite clear, though her face +was hidden from me once more, 'I will strive, and I will pray.' You +would not have had any fears, Thurstan, if you could have heard and +seen her last night." + +"I have no fear," said he, decidedly. "Let the plan go on." After +a minute, he added, "But I am glad it was so far arranged before I +heard of it. My indecision about right and wrong--my perplexity as to +how far we are to calculate consequences--grows upon me, I fear." + +"You look tired and weary, dear. You should blame your body rather +than your conscience at these times." + +"A very dangerous doctrine." + +The scroll of Fate was closed, and they could not foresee the Future; +and yet, if they could have seen it, though they might have shrunk +fearfully at first, they would have smiled and thanked God when all +was done and said. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX + +After Five Years + + +The quiet days grew into weeks and months, and even years, without +any event to startle the little circle into the consciousness of the +lapse of time. One who had known them at the date of Ruth's becoming +a governess in Mr Bradshaw's family, and had been absent until the +time of which I am now going to tell you, would have noted some +changes which had imperceptibly come over all; but he, too, would +have thought, that the life which had brought so little of turmoil +and vicissitude must have been calm and tranquil, and in accordance +with the bygone activity of the town in which their existence passed +away. + +The alterations that he would have perceived were those caused by +the natural progress of time. The Benson home was brightened into +vividness by the presence of the little Leonard, now a noble boy of +six, large and grand in limb and stature, and with a face of marked +beauty and intelligence. Indeed, he might have been considered by +many as too intelligent for his years; and often the living with old +and thoughtful people gave him, beyond most children, the appearance +of pondering over the mysteries which meet the young on the threshold +of life, but which fade away as advancing years bring us more into +contact with the practical and tangible--fade away and vanish, until +it seems to require the agitation of some great storm of the soul +before we can again realise spiritual things. + +But, at times, Leonard seemed oppressed and bewildered, after +listening intent, with grave and wondering eyes, to the conversation +around him; at others, the bright animal life shone forth radiant, +and no three-months' kitten--no foal, suddenly tossing up its heels +by the side of its sedate dam, and careering around the pasture in +pure mad enjoyment--no young creature of any kind, could show more +merriment and gladness of heart. + +"For ever in mischief," was Sally's account of him at such times; +but it was not intentional mischief; and Sally herself would have +been the first to scold any one else who had used the same words in +reference to her darling. Indeed, she was once nearly giving warning, +because she thought the boy was being ill-used. The occasion was +this: Leonard had for some time shown a strange, odd disregard of +truth; he invented stories, and told them with so grave a face, that +unless there was some internal evidence of their incorrectness (such +as describing a cow with a bonnet on), he was generally believed, and +his statements, which were given with the full appearance of relating +a real occurrence, had once or twice led to awkward results. All the +three, whose hearts were pained by this apparent unconsciousness of +the difference between truth and falsehood, were unaccustomed to +children, or they would have recognised this as a stage through which +most infants, who have lively imaginations, pass; and, accordingly, +there was a consultation in Mr Benson's study one morning. Ruth was +there, quiet, very pale, and with compressed lips, sick at heart as +she heard Miss Benson's arguments for the necessity of whipping, in +order to cure Leonard of his story-telling. Mr Benson looked unhappy +and uncomfortable. Education was but a series of experiments to them +all, and they all had a secret dread of spoiling the noble boy, who +was the darling of their hearts. And, perhaps, this very intensity of +love begot an impatient, unnecessary anxiety, and made them resolve +on sterner measures than the parent of a large family (where love +was more spread abroad) would have dared to use. At any rate, the +vote for whipping carried the day; and even Ruth, trembling and cold, +agreed that it must be done; only she asked, in a meek, sad voice, if +she need be present (Mr Benson was to be the executioner--the scene, +the study); and being instantly told that she had better not, she +went slowly and languidly up to her room, and kneeling down, she +closed her ears, and prayed. + +Miss Benson, having carried her point, was very sorry for the child, +and would have begged him off; but Mr Benson had listened more to her +arguments than now to her pleadings, and only answered, "If it is +right, it shall be done!" He went into the garden, and deliberately, +almost as if he wished to gain time, chose and cut off a little +switch from the laburnum-tree. Then he returned through the kitchen, +and gravely taking the awed and wondering little fellow by the hand, +he led him silently into the study, and placing him before him, began +an admonition on the importance of truthfulness, meaning to conclude +with what he believed to be the moral of all punishment: "As you +cannot remember this of yourself, I must give you a little pain to +make you remember it. I am very sorry it is necessary, and that you +cannot recollect without my doing so." + +But before he had reached this very proper and desirable conclusion, +and while he was yet working his way, his heart aching with the +terrified look of the child at the solemnly sad face and words of +upbraiding, Sally burst in: + +"And what may ye be going to do with that fine switch I saw ye +gathering, Master Thurstan?" asked she, her eyes gleaming with anger +at the answer she knew must come, if answer she had at all. + +"Go away, Sally," said Mr Benson, annoyed at the fresh difficulty in +his path. + +"I'll not stir never a step till you give me that switch, as you've +got for some mischief, I'll be bound." + +"Sally! remember where it is said, 'He that spareth the rod, spoileth +the child,'" said Mr Benson, austerely. + +"Aye, I remember; and I remember a bit more than you want me to +remember, I reckon. It were King Solomon as spoke them words, and it +were King Solomon's son that were King Rehoboam, and no great shakes +either. I can remember what is said on him, 2 Chronicles, xii. +chapter, 14th verse: 'And he,' that's King Rehoboam, the lad that +tasted the rod, 'did evil, because he prepared not his heart to seek +the Lord.' I've not been reading my chapters every night for fifty +year to be caught napping by a Dissenter, neither!" said she, +triumphantly. "Come along, Leonard." She stretched out her hand to +the child, thinking that she had conquered. + +But Leonard did not stir. He looked wistfully at Mr Benson. "Come!" +said she, impatiently. The boy's mouth quivered. + +"If you want to whip me, uncle, you may do it. I don't much mind." + +Put in this form, it was impossible to carry out his intentions; and +so Mr Benson told the lad he might go--that he would speak to him +another time. Leonard went away, more subdued in spirit than if he +had been whipped. Sally lingered a moment. She stopped to add: "I +think it's for them without sin to throw stones at a poor child, and +cut up good laburnum-branches to whip him. I only do as my betters +do, when I call Leonard's mother Mrs Denbigh." The moment she had +said this she was sorry; it was an ungenerous advantage after the +enemy had acknowledged himself defeated. Mr Benson dropped his head +upon his hands, and hid his face, and sighed deeply. + +Leonard flew in search of his mother, as in search of a refuge. If +he had found her calm, he would have burst into a passion of crying +after his agitation; as it was, he came upon her kneeling and +sobbing, and he stood quite still. Then he threw his arms round her +neck, and said: "Mamma! mamma! I will be good--I make a promise; I +will speak true--I make a promise." And he kept his word. + +Miss Benson piqued herself upon being less carried away by her love +for this child than any one else in the house; she talked severely, +and had capital theories; but her severity ended in talk, and +her theories would not work. However, she read several books on +education, knitting socks for Leonard all the while; and, upon the +whole, I think, the hands were more usefully employed than the head, +and the good honest heart better than either. She looked older than +when we first knew her, but it was a ripe, kindly age that was coming +over her. Her excellent practical sense, perhaps, made her a more +masculine character than her brother. He was often so much perplexed +by the problems of life, that he let the time for action go by; but +she kept him in check by her clear, pithy talk, which brought back +his wandering thoughts to the duty that lay straight before him, +waiting for action; and then he remembered that it was the faithful +part to "wait patiently upon God," and leave the ends in His hands, +who alone knows why Evil exists in this world, and why it ever hovers +on either side of Good. In this respect, Miss Benson had more faith +than her brother--or so it seemed; for quick, resolute action in the +next step of Life was all she required, while he deliberated and +trembled, and often did wrong from his very deliberation, when his +first instinct would have led him right. + +But although decided and prompt as ever, Miss Benson was grown older +since the summer afternoon when she dismounted from the coach at the +foot of the long Welsh hill that led to Llan-dhu, where her brother +awaited her to consult her about Ruth. Though her eye was as bright +and straight-looking as ever, quick and brave in its glances, her +hair had become almost snowy white; and it was on this point she +consulted Sally, soon after the date of Leonard's last untruth. +The two were arranging Miss Benson's room one morning, when, after +dusting the looking-glass, she suddenly stopped in her operation, and +after a close inspection of herself, startled Sally by this speech: + +"Sally! I'm looking a great deal older than I used to do!" + +Sally, who was busy dilating on the increased price of flour, +considered this remark of Miss Benson's as strangely irrelevant to +the matter in hand, and only noticed it by a + +"To be sure! I suppose we all on us do. But two-and-fourpence a dozen +is too much to make us pay for it." + +Miss Benson went on with her inspection of herself, and Sally with +her economical projects. + +"Sally!" said Miss Benson, "my hair is nearly white. The last time I +looked it was only pepper-and-salt. What must I do?" + +"Do--why, what would the wench do?" asked Sally, contemptuously. +"Ye're never going to be taken in, at your time of life, by hair-dyes +and such gimcracks, as can only take in young girls whose +wisdom-teeth are not cut." + +"And who are not very likely to want them," said Miss Benson, +quietly. "No! but you see, Sally, it's very awkward having such grey +hair, and feeling so young. Do you know, Sally, I've as great a mind +for dancing, when I hear a lively tune on the street-organs, as ever; +and as great a mind to sing when I'm happy--to sing in my old way, +Sally, you know." + +"Aye, you had it from a girl," said Sally; "and many a time, when the +door's been shut, I did not know if it was you in the parlour, or a +big bumble-bee in the kitchen, as was making that drumbling noise. I +heard you at it yesterday." + +"But an old woman with grey hair ought not to have a fancy for +dancing or singing," continued Miss Benson. + +"Whatten nonsense are ye talking?" said Sally, roused to indignation. +"Calling yoursel' an old woman when you're better than ten years +younger than me! and many a girl has grey hair at five-and-twenty." + +"But I'm more than five-and-twenty, Sally. I'm fifty-seven next May!" + +"More shame for ye, then, not to know better than to talk of dyeing +your hair. I cannot abide such vanities!" + +"Oh, dear! Sally, when will you understand what I mean? I want to +know how I am to keep remembering how old I am, so as to prevent +myself from feeling so young? I was quite startled just now to see my +hair in the glass, for I can generally tell if my cap is straight by +feeling. I'll tell you what I'll do--I'll cut off a piece of my grey +hair, and plait it together for a marker in my Bible!" Miss Benson +expected applause for this bright idea, but Sally only made answer: + +"You'll be taking to painting your cheeks next, now you've once +thought of dyeing your hair." So Miss Benson plaited her grey hair in +silence and quietness, Leonard holding one end of it while she wove +it, and admiring the colour and texture all the time, with a sort of +implied dissatisfaction at the auburn colour of his own curls, which +was only half-comforted away by Miss Benson's information, that, if +he lived long enough, his hair would be like hers. + +Mr Benson, who had looked old and frail while he was yet but young, +was now stationary as to the date of his appearance. But there was +something more of nervous restlessness in his voice and ways than +formerly; that was the only change six years had brought to him. +And as for Sally, she chose to forget age and the passage of years +altogether, and had as much work in her, to use her own expression, +as she had at sixteen; nor was her appearance very explicit as to the +flight of time. Fifty, sixty, or seventy, she might be--not more than +the last, not less than the first--though her usual answer to any +circuitous inquiry as to her age was now (what it had been for many +years past), "I'm feared I shall never see thirty again." + +Then as to the house. It was not one where the sitting-rooms are +refurnished every two or three years; not now, even (since Ruth came +to share their living) a place where, as an article grew shabby or +worn, a new one was purchased. The furniture looked poor, and the +carpets almost threadbare; but there was such a dainty spirit of +cleanliness abroad, such exquisite neatness of repair, and altogether +so bright and cheerful a look about the rooms--everything so +above-board--no shifts to conceal poverty under flimsy ornament--that +many a splendid drawing-room would give less pleasure to those who +could see evidences of character in inanimate things. But whatever +poverty there might be in the house, there was full luxuriance in +the little square wall-encircled garden, on two sides of which the +parlour and kitchen looked. The laburnum-tree, which when Ruth came +was like a twig stuck into the ground, was now a golden glory in +spring, and a pleasant shade in summer. The wild hop, that Mr Benson +had brought home from one of his country rambles, and planted by the +parlour-window, while Leonard was yet a baby in his mother's arms, +was now a garland over the casement, hanging down long tendrils, +that waved in the breezes, and threw pleasant shadows and traceries, +like some Bacchanalian carving, on the parlour-walls, at "morn or +dusky eve." The yellow rose had clambered up to the window of Mr +Benson's bedroom, and its blossom-laden branches were supported by a +jargonelle pear-tree rich in autumnal fruit. + +But, perhaps, in Ruth herself there was the greatest external change; +for of the change which had gone on in her heart, and mind, and soul, +or if there had been any, neither she nor any one around her was +conscious; but sometimes Miss Benson did say to Sally, "How very +handsome Ruth is grown!" To which Sally made ungracious answer, "Yes! +she's well enough. Beauty is deceitful, and favour a snare, and I'm +thankful the Lord has spared me from such man-traps and spring-guns." +But even Sally could not help secretly admiring Ruth. If her early +brilliancy of colour was gone, a clear ivory skin, as smooth as +satin, told of complete and perfect health, and was as lovely, if not +so striking in effect, as the banished lilies and roses. Her hair had +grown darker and deeper, in the shadow that lingered in its masses; +her eyes, even if you could have guessed that they had shed bitter +tears in their day, had a thoughtful, spiritual look about them, +that made you wonder at their depth, and look--and look again. The +increase of dignity in her face had been imparted to her form. I do +not know if she had grown taller since the birth of her child, but +she looked as if she had. And although she had lived in a very humble +home, yet there was something about either it or her, or the people +amongst whom she had been thrown during the last few years, which had +so changed her, that whereas, six or seven years ago, you would have +perceived that she was not altogether a lady by birth and education, +yet now she might have been placed among the highest in the land, and +would have been taken by the most critical judge for their equal, +although ignorant of their conventional etiquette--an ignorance +which she would have acknowledged in a simple child-like way, being +unconscious of any false shame. + +Her whole heart was in her boy. She often feared that she loved him +too much--more than God Himself--yet she could not bear to pray to +have her love for her child lessened. But she would kneel down by his +little bed at night--at the deep, still midnight--with the stars that +kept watch over Rizpah shining down upon her, and tell God what I +have now told you, that she feared she loved her child too much, +yet could not, would not, love him less; and speak to Him of her +one treasure as she could speak to no earthly friend. And so, +unconsciously, her love for her child led her up to love to God, to +the All-knowing, who read her heart. + +It might be superstition--I dare say it was--but, somehow, she never +lay down to rest without saying, as she looked her last on her boy, +"Thy will, not mine, be done;" and even while she trembled and shrank +with infinite dread from sounding the depths of what that will might +be, she felt as if her treasure were more secure to waken up rosy and +bright in the morning, as one over whose slumbers God's holy angels +had watched, for the very words which she had turned away in sick +terror from realising the night before. + +Her daily absence at her duties to the Bradshaw children only +ministered to her love for Leonard. Everything does minister to love +when its foundation lies deep in a true heart, and it was with an +exquisite pang of delight that, after a moment of vague fear, + + + (Oh, mercy! to myself I said, + If Lucy should be dead!), + + +she saw her child's bright face of welcome as he threw open the door +every afternoon on her return home. For it was his silently-appointed +work to listen for her knock, and rush breathless to let her in. +If he were in the garden, or upstairs among the treasures of the +lumber-room, either Miss Benson, or her brother, or Sally, would +fetch him to his happy little task; no one so sacred as he to the +allotted duty. And the joyous meeting was not deadened by custom, to +either mother or child. + +Ruth gave the Bradshaws the highest satisfaction, as Mr Bradshaw +often said both to her and to the Bensons; indeed, she rather winced +under his pompous approbation. But his favourite recreation was +patronising; and when Ruth saw how quietly and meekly Mr Benson +submitted to gifts and praise, when an honest word of affection, or +a tacit, implied acknowledgment of equality, would have been worth +everything said and done, she tried to be more meek in spirit, and +to recognise the good that undoubtedly existed in Mr Bradshaw. He +was richer and more prosperous than ever;--a keen, far-seeing man +of business, with an undisguised contempt for all who failed in the +success which he had achieved. But it was not alone those who were +less fortunate in obtaining wealth than himself that he visited with +severity of judgment; every moral error or delinquency came under his +unsparing comment. Stained by no vice himself, either in his own eyes +or in that of any human being who cared to judge him, having nicely +and wisely proportioned and adapted his means to his ends, he +could afford to speak and act with a severity which was almost +sanctimonious in its ostentation of thankfulness as to himself. Not a +misfortune or a sin was brought to light but Mr Bradshaw could trace +it to its cause in some former mode of action, which he had long ago +foretold would lead to shame. If another's son turned out wild or +bad, Mr Bradshaw had little sympathy; it might have been prevented +by a stricter rule, or more religious life at home; young Richard +Bradshaw was quiet and steady, and other fathers might have had +sons like him if they had taken the same pains to enforce obedience. +Richard was an only son, and yet Mr Bradshaw might venture to say, he +had never had his own way in his life. Mrs Bradshaw was, he confessed +(Mr Bradshaw did not dislike confessing his wife's errors), rather +less firm than he should have liked with the girls; and with some +people, he believed, Jemima was rather headstrong; but to his wishes +she had always shown herself obedient. All children were obedient, +if their parents were decided and authoritative; and every one would +turn out well, if properly managed. If they did not prove good, they +must take the consequences of their errors. + +Mrs Bradshaw murmured faintly at her husband when his back was +turned; but if his voice was heard, or his footsteps sounded in the +distance, she was mute, and hurried her children into the attitude or +action most pleasing to their father. Jemima, it is true, rebelled +against this manner of proceeding, which savoured to her a little of +deceit; but even she had not, as yet, overcome her awe of her father +sufficiently to act independently of him, and according to her own +sense of right--or rather, I should say, according to her own warm, +passionate impulses. Before him the wilfulness which made her dark +eyes blaze out at times was hushed and still; he had no idea of her +self-tormenting, no notion of the almost southern jealousy which +seemed to belong to her brunette complexion. Jemima was not pretty; +the flatness and shortness of her face made her almost plain; yet +most people looked twice at her expressive countenance, at the eyes +which flamed or melted at every trifle, at the rich colour which +came at every expressed emotion into her usually sallow face, at +the faultless teeth which made her smile like a sunbeam. But then, +again, when she thought she was not kindly treated, when a suspicion +crossed her mind, or when she was angry with herself, her lips were +tight-pressed together, her colour was wan and almost livid, and a +stormy gloom clouded her eyes as with a film. But before her father +her words were few, and he did not notice looks or tones. + +Her brother Richard had been equally silent before his father in +boyhood and early youth; but since he had gone to be clerk in a +London house, preparatory to assuming his place as junior partner in +Mr Bradshaw's business, he spoke more on his occasional visits at +home. And very proper and highly moral was his conversation; set +sentences of goodness, which were like the flowers that children +stick in the ground, and that have not sprung upwards from +roots--deep down in the hidden life and experience of the heart. He +was as severe a judge as his father of other people's conduct, but +you felt that Mr Bradshaw was sincere in his condemnation of all +outward error and vice, and that he would try himself by the same +laws as he tried others; somehow, Richard's words were frequently +heard with a lurking distrust, and many shook their heads over the +pattern son; but then it was those whose sons had gone astray, and +been condemned, in no private or tender manner, by Mr Bradshaw, so it +might be revenge in them. Still, Jemima felt that all was not right; +her heart sympathised in the rebellion against his father's commands, +which her brother had confessed to her in an unusual moment of +confidence, but her uneasy conscience condemned the deceit which he +had practised. + +The brother and sister were sitting alone over a blazing Christmas +fire, and Jemima held an old newspaper in her hand to shield her +face from the hot light. They were talking of family events, when, +during a pause, Jemima's eye caught the name of a great actor, +who had lately given prominence and life to a character in one of +Shakspeare's plays. The criticism in the paper was fine, and warmed +Jemima's heart. + +"How I should like to see a play!" exclaimed she. + +"Should you?" said her brother, listlessly. + +"Yes, to be sure! Just hear this!" and she began to read a fine +passage of criticism. + +"Those newspaper people can make an article out of anything," said +he, yawning. "I've seen the man myself, and it was all very well, but +nothing to make such a fuss about." + +"You! you seen ----! Have you seen a play, Richard? Oh, why did you +never tell me before? Tell me all about it! Why did you never name +seeing ---- in your letters?" + +He half smiled, contemptuously enough. "Oh! at first it strikes one +rather, but after a while one cares no more for the theatre than one +does for mince-pies." + +"Oh, I wish I might go to London!" said Jemima, impatiently. "I've a +great mind to ask papa to let me go to the George Smiths', and then I +could see ----. I would not think him like mince-pies." + +"You must not do any such thing!" said Richard, now neither yawning +nor contemptuous. "My father would never allow you to go to the +theatre; and the George Smiths are such old fogeys--they would be +sure to tell." + +"How do you go, then? Does my father give you leave?" + +"Oh! many things are right for men which are not for girls." + +Jemima sat and pondered. Richard wished he had not been so +confidential. + +"You need not name it," said he, rather anxiously. + +"Name what?" said she, startled, for her thoughts had gone far +afield. + +"Oh, name my going once or twice to the theatre!" + +"No, I shan't name it!" said she. "No one here would care to hear +it." + +But it was with some little surprise, and almost with a feeling of +disgust, that she heard Richard join with her father in condemning +some one, and add to Mr Bradshaw's list of offences, by alleging that +the young man was a playgoer. He did not think his sister heard his +words. + +Mary and Elizabeth were the two girls whom Ruth had in charge; they +resembled Jemima more than their brother in character. The household +rules were occasionally a little relaxed in their favour, for Mary, +the elder, was nearly eight years younger than Jemima, and three +intermediate children had died. They loved Ruth dearly, made a great +pet of Leonard, and had many profound secrets together, most of which +related to their wonders if Jemima and Mr Farquhar would ever be +married. They watched their sister closely; and every day had some +fresh confidence to make to each other, confirming or discouraging to +their hopes. + +Ruth rose early, and shared the household work with Sally and Miss +Benson till seven; and then she helped Leonard to dress, and had a +quiet time alone with him till prayers and breakfast. At nine she +was to be at Mr Bradshaw's house. She sat in the room with Mary and +Elizabeth during the Latin, the writing, and arithmetic lessons, +which they received from masters; then she read, and walked with +them, they clinging to her as to an elder sister; she dined with her +pupils at the family lunch, and reached home by four. That happy +home--those quiet days! + +And so the peaceful days passed on into weeks, and months, and years, +and Ruth and Leonard grew and strengthened into the riper beauty of +their respective ages; while as yet no touch of decay had come on the +quaint, primitive elders of the household. + + + + +CHAPTER XX + +Jemima Refuses to Be Managed + + +It was no wonder that the lookers-on were perplexed as to the state +of affairs between Jemima and Mr Farquhar, for they too were sorely +puzzled themselves at the sort of relationship between them. Was it +love, or was it not? that was the question in Mr Farquhar's mind. He +hoped it was not; he believed it was not; and yet he felt as if it +were. There was something preposterous, he thought, in a man nearly +forty years of age being in love with a girl of twenty. He had gone +on reasoning through all the days of his manhood on the idea of a +staid, noble-minded wife, grave and sedate, the fit companion in +experience of her husband. He had spoken with admiration of reticent +characters, full of self-control and dignity; and he hoped--he +trusted, that all this time he had not been allowing himself +unconsciously to fall in love with a wild-hearted, impetuous girl, +who knew nothing of life beyond her father's house, and who chafed +under the strict discipline enforced there. For it was rather a +suspicious symptom of the state of Mr Farquhar's affections, that +he had discovered the silent rebellion which continued in Jemima's +heart, unperceived by any of her own family, against the severe laws +and opinions of her father. Mr Farquhar shared in these opinions; but +in him they were modified, and took a milder form. Still, he approved +of much that Mr Bradshaw did and said; and this made it all the more +strange that he should wince so for Jemima, whenever anything took +place which he instinctively knew that she would dislike. After an +evening at Mr Bradshaw's, when Jemima had gone to the very verge +of questioning or disputing some of her father's severe judgments, +Mr Farquhar went home in a dissatisfied, restless state of mind, +which he was almost afraid to analyse. He admired the inflexible +integrity--and almost the pomp of principle--evinced by Mr Bradshaw +on every occasion; he wondered how it was that Jemima could not see +how grand a life might be, whose every action was shaped in obedience +to some eternal law; instead of which, he was afraid she rebelled +against every law, and was only guided by impulse. Mr Farquhar had +been taught to dread impulses as promptings of the devil. Sometimes, +if he tried to present her father's opinions before her in another +form, so as to bring himself and her rather more into that state +of agreement he longed for, she flashed out upon him with the +indignation of difference that she dared not show to, or before, +her father, as if she had some diviner instinct which taught her +more truly than they knew, with all their experience; at least, in +her first expressions there seemed something good and fine; but +opposition made her angry and irritable, and the arguments which he +was constantly provoking (whenever he was with her in her father's +absence) frequently ended in some vehemence of expression on her part +that offended Mr Farquhar, who did not see how she expiated her anger +in tears and self-reproaches when alone in her chamber. Then he would +lecture himself severely on the interest he could not help feeling in +a wilful girl; he would determine not to interfere with her opinions +in future, and yet, the very next time they differed, he strove to +argue her into harmony with himself, in spite of all resolutions to +the contrary. + +Mr Bradshaw saw just enough of this interest which Jemima had excited +in his partner's mind, to determine him in considering their future +marriage as a settled affair. The fitness of the thing had long ago +struck him; her father's partner--so the fortune he meant to give +her might continue in the business; a man of such steadiness of +character, and such a capital eye for a desirable speculation as +Mr Farquhar--just the right age to unite the paternal with the +conjugal affection, and consequently the very man for Jemima, who +had something unruly in her, which might break out under a _regime_ +less wisely adjusted to the circumstances than was Mr Bradshaw's (in +his own opinion)--a house ready-furnished, at a convenient distance +from her home--no near relations on Mr Farquhar's side, who might be +inclined to consider his residence as their own for an indefinite +time, and so add to the household expenses--in short, what could +be more suitable in every way? Mr Bradshaw respected the very +self-restraint he thought he saw in Mr Farquhar's demeanour, +attributing it to a wise desire to wait until trade should be rather +more slack, and the man of business more at leisure to become the +lover. + +As for Jemima, at times she thought she almost hated Mr Farquhar. + +"What business has he," she would think, "to lecture me? Often I can +hardly bear it from papa, and I will not bear it from him. He treats +me just like a child, and as if I should lose all my present opinions +when I know more of the world. I am sure I should like never to know +the world, if it was to make me think as he does, hard man that he +is! I wonder what made him take Jem Brown on as gardener again, if he +does not believe that above one criminal in a thousand is restored to +goodness. I'll ask him, some day, if that was not acting on impulse +rather than principle. Poor impulse! how you do get abused. But I +will tell Mr Farquhar I will not let him interfere with me. If I +do what papa bids me, no one has a right to notice whether I do it +willingly or not." + +So then she tried to defy Mr Farquhar, by doing and saying things +that she knew he would disapprove. She went so far that he was +seriously grieved, and did not even remonstrate and "lecture," and +then she was disappointed and irritated; for, somehow, with all her +indignation at interference, she liked to be lectured by him; not +that she was aware of this liking of hers, but still it would have +been more pleasant to be scolded than so quietly passed over. Her two +little sisters, with their wide-awake eyes, had long ago put things +together, and conjectured. Every day they had some fresh mystery +together, to be imparted in garden walks and whispered talks. + +"Lizzie, did you see how the tears came into Mimie's eyes when Mr +Farquhar looked so displeased when she said good people were always +dull? I think she's in love." Mary said the last words with grave +emphasis, and felt like an oracle of twelve years of age. + +"I don't," said Lizzie. "I know I cry often enough when papa is +cross, and I'm not in love with him." + +"Yes! but you don't look as Mimie did." + +"Don't call her Mimie--you know papa does not like it." + +"Yes; but there are so many things papa does not like I can never +remember them all. Never mind about that; but listen to something +I've got to tell you, if you'll never, never tell." + +"No, indeed I won't, Mary. What is it?" + +"Not to Mrs Denbigh?" + +"No, not even to Mrs Denbigh." + +"Well, then, the other day--last Friday, Mimie--" + +"Jemima!" interrupted the more conscientious Elizabeth. + +"Jemima, if it must be so," jerked out Mary, "sent me to her desk for +an envelope, and what do you think I saw?" + +"What?" asked Elizabeth, expecting nothing less than a red-hot +Valentine, signed Walter Farquhar, _pro_ Bradshaw, Farquhar, and Co., +in full. + +"Why, a piece of paper, with dull-looking lines upon it, just like +the scientific dialogues; and I remembered all about it. It was once +when Mr Farquhar had been telling us that a bullet does not go in a +straight line, but in a something curve, and he drew some lines on a +piece of paper; and Mimie--" + +"Jemima," put in Elizabeth. + +"Well, well! she had treasured it up, and written in a corner, 'W. +F., April 3rd.' Now, that's rather like love, is not it? For Jemima +hates useful information just as much as I do, and that's saying a +great deal; and yet she had kept this paper, and dated it." + +"If that's all, I know Dick keeps a paper with Miss Benson's name +written on it, and yet he's not in love with her; and perhaps Jemima +may like Mr Farquhar, and he may not like her. It seems such a little +while since her hair was turned up, and he has always been a grave +middle-aged man ever since I can recollect; and then, have you never +noticed how often he finds fault with her--almost lectures her?" + +"To be sure," said Mary; "but he may be in love, for all that. Just +think how often papa lectures mamma; and yet, of course, they're in +love with each other." + +"Well! we shall see," said Elizabeth. + +Poor Jemima little thought of the four sharp eyes that watched her +daily course while she sat alone, as she fancied, with her secret in +her own room. For, in a passionate fit of grieving, at the impatient, +hasty temper which had made her so seriously displease Mr Farquhar +that he had gone away without remonstrance, without more leave-taking +than a distant bow, she had begun to suspect that rather than not be +noticed at all by him, rather than be an object of indifference to +him--oh! far rather would she be an object of anger and upbraiding; +and the thoughts that followed this confession to herself, stunned +and bewildered her; and for once that they made her dizzy with hope, +ten times they made her sick with fear. For an instant she planned +to become and to be all he could wish her; to change her very nature +for him. And then a great gush of pride came over her, and she set +her teeth tight together, and determined that he should either love +her as she was, or not at all. Unless he could take her with all +her faults, she would not care for his regard; "love" was too noble +a word to call such cold, calculating feeling as his must be, who +went about with a pattern idea in his mind, trying to find a wife to +match. Besides, there was something degrading, Jemima thought, in +trying to alter herself to gain the love of any human creature. And +yet, if he did not care for her, if this late indifference were to +last, what a great shroud was drawn over life! Could she bear it? + +From the agony she dared not look at, but which she was going to risk +encountering, she was aroused by the presence of her mother. + +"Jemima! your father wants to speak to you in the dining-room." + +"What for?" asked the girl. + +"Oh! he is fidgeted by something Mr Farquhar said to me, and which +I repeated. I am sure I thought there was no harm in it, and your +father always likes me to tell him what everybody says in his +absence." + +Jemima went with a heavy heart into her father's presence. + +He was walking up and down the room, and did not see her at first. + +"Oh, Jemima! is that you? Has your mother told you what I want to +speak to you about?" + +"No!" said Jemima. "Not exactly." + +"She has been telling me what proves to me how very seriously you +must have displeased and offended Mr Farquhar, before he could have +expressed himself to her as he did, when he left the house. You know +what he said?" + +"No!" said Jemima, her heart swelling within her. "He has no right to +say anything about me." She was desperate, or she durst not have said +this before her father. + +"No right!--what do you mean, Jemima?" said Mr Bradshaw, turning +sharp round. "Surely you must know that I hope he may one day be +your husband; that is to say, if you prove yourself worthy of the +excellent training I have given you. I cannot suppose Mr Farquhar +would take any undisciplined girl as a wife." + +Jemima held tight by a chair near which she was standing. She did not +speak; her father was pleased by her silence--it was the way in which +he liked his projects to be received. + +"But you cannot suppose," he continued, "that Mr Farquhar will +consent to marry you--" + +"Consent to marry me!" repeated Jemima, in a low tone of brooding +indignation; were those the terms upon which her rich woman's heart +was to be given, with a calm consent of acquiescent acceptance, but a +little above resignation on the part of the receiver? + +--"if you give way to a temper which, although you have never dared +to show it to me, I am well aware exists, although I hoped the +habits of self-examination I had instilled had done much to cure +you of manifesting it. At one time, Richard promised to be the more +headstrong of the two; now, I must desire you to take pattern by him. +Yes," he continued, falling into his old train of thought, "it would +be a most fortunate connexion for you in every way. I should have you +under my own eye, and could still assist you in the formation of your +character, and I should be at hand to strengthen and confirm your +principles. Mr Farquhar's connexion with the firm would be convenient +and agreeable to me in a pecuniary point of view. He--" Mr Bradshaw +was going on in his enumeration of the advantages which he in +particular, and Jemima in the second place, would derive from this +marriage, when his daughter spoke, at first so low that he could not +hear her, as he walked up and down the room with his creaking boots, +and he had to stop to listen. + +"Has Mr Farquhar ever spoken to you about it?" Jemima's cheek was +flushed as she asked the question; she wished that she might have +been the person to whom he had first addressed himself. + +Mr Bradshaw answered, + +"No, not spoken. It has been implied between us for some time. At +least, I have been so aware of his intentions that I have made +several allusions, in the course of business, to it, as a thing that +might take place. He can hardly have misunderstood; he must have seen +that I perceived his design, and approved of it," said Mr Bradshaw, +rather doubtfully; as he remembered how very little, in fact, passed +between him and his partner which could have reference to the +subject, to any but a mind prepared to receive it. Perhaps Mr +Farquhar had not really thought of it; but then again, that would +imply that his own penetration had been mistaken, a thing not +impossible certainly, but quite beyond the range of probability. So +he reassured himself, and (as he thought) his daughter, by saying, + +"The whole thing is so suitable--the advantages arising from the +connexion are so obvious; besides which, I am quite aware, from many +little speeches of Mr Farquhar's, that he contemplates marriage at +no very distant time; and he seldom leaves Eccleston, and visits +few families besides our own--certainly, none that can compare with +ours in the advantages you have all received in moral and religious +training." But then Mr Bradshaw was checked in his implied praises of +himself (and only himself could be his martingale when he once set +out on such a career) by a recollection that Jemima must not feel too +secure, as she might become if he dwelt too much on the advantages of +her being her father's daughter. Accordingly, he said: "But you must +be aware, Jemima, that you do very little credit to the education I +have given you, when you make such an impression as you must have +done to-day, before Mr Farquhar could have said what he did of you!" + +"What did he say?" asked Jemima, still in the low, husky tone of +suppressed anger. + +"Your mother says he remarked to her, 'What a pity it is, that Jemima +cannot maintain her opinions without going into a passion; and what +a pity it is, that her opinions are such as to sanction, rather than +curb, these fits of rudeness and anger!'" + +"Did he say that?" said Jemima, in a still lower tone, not +questioning her father, but speaking rather to herself. + +"I have no doubt he did," replied her father, gravely. "Your mother +is in the habit of repeating accurately to me what takes place in my +absence; besides which, the whole speech is not one of hers; she has +not altered a word in the repetition, I am convinced. I have trained +her to habits of accuracy very unusual in a woman." + +At another time, Jemima might have been inclined to rebel against +this system of carrying constant intelligence to headquarters, +which she had long ago felt as an insurmountable obstacle to any +free communication with her mother; but now, her father's means of +acquiring knowledge faded into insignificance before the nature of +the information he imparted. She stood quite still, grasping the +chair-back, longing to be dismissed. + +"I have said enough now, I hope, to make you behave in a becoming +manner to Mr Farquhar; if your temper is too unruly to be always +under your own control, at least have respect to my injunctions, and +take some pains to curb it before him." + +"May I go?" asked Jemima, chafing more and more. + +"You may," said her father. When she left the room he gently rubbed +his hands together, satisfied with the effect he had produced, and +wondering how it was, that one so well brought up as his daughter +could ever say or do anything to provoke such a remark from Mr +Farquhar as that which he had heard repeated. + +"Nothing can be more gentle and docile than she is when spoken to in +the proper manner. I must give Farquhar a hint," said Mr Bradshaw to +himself. + +Jemima rushed upstairs, and locked herself into her room. She began +pacing up and down at first, without shedding a tear; but then she +suddenly stopped, and burst out crying with passionate indignation. + +"So! I am to behave well, not because it is right--not because it is +right--but to show off before Mr Farquhar. Oh, Mr Farquhar!" said +she, suddenly changing to a sort of upbraiding tone of voice, "I did +not think so of you an hour ago. I did not think you could choose a +wife in that cold-hearted way, though you did profess to act by rule +and line; but you think to have me, do you? because it is fitting +and suitable, and you want to be married, and can't spare time for +wooing" (she was lashing herself up by an exaggeration of all her +father had said). "And how often I have thought you were too grand +for me! but now I know better. Now I can believe that all you do is +done from calculation; you are good because it adds to your business +credit--you talk in that high strain about principle because it +sounds well, and is respectable--and even these things are better +than your cold way of looking out for a wife, just as you would do +for a carpet, to add to your comforts, and settle you respectably. +But I won't be that wife. You shall see something of me which shall +make you not acquiesce so quietly in the arrangements of the firm." +She cried too vehemently to go on thinking or speaking. Then she +stopped, and said: + +"Only an hour ago I was hoping--I don't know what I was hoping--but +I thought--oh! how I was deceived!--I thought he had a true, deep, +loving, manly heart, which God might let me win; but now I know he +has only a calm, calculating head--" + +If Jemima had been vehement and passionate before this conversation +with her father, it was better than the sullen reserve she assumed +now whenever Mr Farquhar came to the house. He felt it deeply; no +reasoning with himself took off the pain he experienced. He tried to +speak on the subjects she liked, in the manner she liked, until he +despised himself for the unsuccessful efforts. + +He stood between her and her father once or twice, in obvious +inconsistency with his own previously expressed opinions; and Mr +Bradshaw piqued himself upon his admirable management, in making +Jemima feel that she owed his indulgence or forbearance to +Mr Farquhar's interference; but Jemima--perverse, miserable +Jemima--thought that she hated Mr Farquhar all the more. She +respected her father inflexible, much more than her father pompously +giving up to Mr Farquhar's subdued remonstrances on her behalf. +Even Mr Bradshaw was perplexed, and shut himself up to consider how +Jemima was to be made more fully to understand his wishes and her own +interests. But there was nothing to take hold of as a ground for any +further conversation with her. Her actions were so submissive that +they were spiritless; she did all her father desired; she did it +with a nervous quickness and haste, if she thought that otherwise +Mr Farquhar would interfere in any way. She wished evidently to +owe nothing to him. She had begun by leaving the room when he came +in, after the conversation she had had with her father; but at Mr +Bradshaw's first expression of his wish that she should remain, she +remained--silent, indifferent, inattentive to all that was going on; +at least there was this appearance of inattention. She would work +away at her sewing as if she were to earn her livelihood by it; the +light was gone out of her eyes as she lifted them up heavily before +replying to any question, and the eyelids were often swollen with +crying. + +But in all this there was no positive fault. Mr Bradshaw could not +have told her not to do this, or to do that, without her doing it; +for she had become much more docile of late. + +It was a wonderful proof of the influence Ruth had gained in the +family, that Mr Bradshaw, after much deliberation, congratulated +himself on the wise determination he had made of requesting her to +speak to Jemima, and find out what feeling was at the bottom of all +this change in her ways of going on. + +He rang the bell. + +"Is Mrs Denbigh here?" he inquired of the servant who answered it. + +"Yes, sir; she is just come." + +"Beg her to come to me in this room as soon as she can leave the +young ladies." + +Ruth came. + +"Sit down, Mrs Denbigh; sit down. I want to have a little +conversation with you; not about your pupils, they are going on well +under your care, I am sure; and I often congratulate myself on the +choice I made--I assure you I do. But now I want to speak to you +about Jemima. She is very fond of you, and perhaps you could take +some opportunity of observing to her--in short, of saying to her, +that she is behaving very foolishly--in fact, disgusting Mr Farquhar +(who was, I know, inclined to like her) by the sullen, sulky way she +behaves in, when he is by." + +He paused for the ready acquiescence he expected. But Ruth did not +quite comprehend what was required of her, and disliked the glimpse +she had gained of the task very much. + +"I hardly understand, sir. You are displeased with Miss Bradshaw's +manners to Mr Farquhar." + +"Well, well! not quite that; I am displeased with her manners--they +are sulky and abrupt, particularly when he is by--and I want you (of +whom she is so fond) to speak to her about it." + +"But I have never had the opportunity of noticing them. Whenever I +have seen her, she has been most gentle and affectionate." + +"But I think you do not hesitate to believe me, when I say that I +have noticed the reverse," said Mr Bradshaw, drawing himself up. + +"No, sir. I beg your pardon if I have expressed myself so badly as to +seem to doubt. But am I to tell Miss Bradshaw that you have spoken +of her faults to me?" asked Ruth, a little astonished, and shrinking +more than ever from the proposed task. + +"If you would allow me to finish what I have got to say, without +interruption, I could then tell you what I do wish." + +"I beg your pardon, sir," said Ruth, gently. + +"I wish you to join our circle occasionally in an evening; Mrs +Bradshaw shall send you an invitation when Mr Farquhar is likely +to be here. Warned by me, and, consequently, with your observation +quickened, you can hardly fail to notice instances of what I have +pointed out; and then I will trust to your own good sense" (Mr +Bradshaw bowed to her at this part of his sentence) "to find an +opportunity to remonstrate with her." + +Ruth was beginning to speak, but he waved his hand for another minute +of silence. + +"Only a minute, Mrs Denbigh. I am quite aware that, in requesting +your presence occasionally in the evening, I shall be trespassing +upon the time which is, in fact, your money; you may be assured that +I shall not forget this little circumstance, and you can explain what +I have said on this head to Benson and his sister." + +"I am afraid I cannot do it," Ruth began; but while she was choosing +words delicate enough to express her reluctance to act as he wished, +he had almost bowed her out of the room; and thinking that she was +modest in her estimate of her qualifications for remonstrating with +his daughter, he added, blandly, + +"No one so able, Mrs Denbigh. I have observed many qualities in +you--observed when, perhaps, you have little thought it." + +If he had observed Ruth that morning, he would have seen an absence +of mind, and depression of spirits, not much to her credit as a +teacher; for she could not bring herself to feel that she had any +right to go into the family purposely to watch over and find fault +with any one member of it. If she had seen anything wrong in Jemima, +Ruth loved her so much that she would have told her of it in private; +and with many doubts, how far she was the one to pull out the mote +from any one's eye, even in the most tender manner;--she would have +had to conquer reluctance before she could have done even this; +but there was something undefinably repugnant to her in the manner +of acting which Mr Bradshaw had proposed, and she determined not +to accept the invitations which were to place her in so false a +position. + +But as she was leaving the house, after the end of the lessons, while +she stood in the hall tying on her bonnet, and listening to the last +small confidences of her two pupils, she saw Jemima coming in through +the garden-door, and was struck by the change in her looks. The large +eyes, so brilliant once, were dim and clouded; the complexion sallow +and colourless; a lowering expression was on the dark brow, and the +corners of her mouth drooped as with sorrowful thoughts. She looked +up, and her eyes met Ruth's. + +"Oh! you beautiful creature!" thought Jemima, "with your still, calm, +heavenly face, what are you to know of earth's trials! You have lost +your beloved by death--but that is a blessed sorrow; the sorrow I +have pulls me down and down, and makes me despise and hate every +one--not you, though." And, her face changing to a soft, tender look, +she went up to Ruth, and kissed her fondly; as if it were a relief to +be near some one on whose true, pure heart she relied. Ruth returned +the caress; and even while she did so, she suddenly rescinded her +resolution to keep clear of what Mr Bradshaw had desired her to do. +On her way home she resolved, if she could, to find out what were +Jemima's secret feelings; and if (as, from some previous knowledge, +she suspected) they were morbid and exaggerated in any way, to try +and help her right with all the wisdom which true love gives. It +was time that some one should come to still the storm in Jemima's +turbulent heart, which was daily and hourly knowing less and less of +peace. The irritating difficulty was to separate the two characters, +which at two different times she had attributed to Mr Farquhar--the +old one, which she had formerly believed to be true, that he was a +man acting up to a high standard of lofty principle, and acting up +without a struggle (and this last had been the circumstance which +had made her rebellious and irritable once); the new one, which +her father had excited in her suspicious mind, that Mr Farquhar +was cold and calculating in all he did, and that she was to be +transferred by the former, and accepted by the latter, as a sort of +stock-in-trade--these were the two Mr Farquhars who clashed together +in her mind. And in this state of irritation and prejudice, she could +not bear the way in which he gave up his opinions to please her; +that was not the way to win her; she liked him far better when he +inflexibly and rigidly adhered to his idea of right and wrong, not +even allowing any force to temptation, and hardly any grace to +repentance, compared with that beauty of holiness which had never +yielded to sin. He had been her idol in those days, as she found out +now, however much at the time she had opposed him with violence. + +As for Mr Farquhar, he was almost weary of himself; no reasoning, +even no principle, seemed to have influence over him, for he saw +that Jemima was not at all what he approved of in woman. He saw her +uncurbed and passionate, affecting to despise the rules of life he +held most sacred, and indifferent to, if not positively disliking +him; and yet he loved her dearly. But he resolved to make a great +effort of will, and break loose from these trammels of sense. And +while he resolved, some old recollection would bring her up, hanging +on his arm, in all the confidence of early girlhood, looking up in +his face with her soft, dark eyes, and questioning him upon the +mysterious subjects which had so much interest for both of them at +that time, although they had become only matter for dissension in +these later days. + +It was also true, as Mr Bradshaw had said, Mr Farquhar wished to +marry, and had not much choice in the small town of Eccleston. He +never put this so plainly before himself, as a reason for choosing +Jemima, as her father had done to her; but it was an unconscious +motive all the same. However, now he had lectured himself into the +resolution to make a pretty long absence from Eccleston, and see if, +amongst his distant friends, there was no woman more in accordance +with his ideal, who could put the naughty, wilful, plaguing Jemima +Bradshaw out of his head, if he did not soon perceive some change in +her for the better. + +A few days after Ruth's conversation with Mr Bradshaw, the invitation +she had been expecting, yet dreading, came. It was to her alone. Mr +and Miss Benson were pleased at the compliment to her, and urged her +acceptance of it. She wished that they had been included; she had not +thought it right, or kind to Jemima, to tell them why she was going, +and she feared now lest they should feel a little hurt that they were +not asked too. But she need not have been afraid. They were glad and +proud of the attention to her, and never thought of themselves. + +"Ruthie, what gown shall you wear to-night? your dark grey one, I +suppose?" asked Miss Benson. + +"Yes, I suppose so. I never thought of it; but that is my best." + +"Well; then, I shall quill up a ruff for you. You know I am a famous +quiller of net." + +Ruth came downstairs with a little flush on her cheeks when she was +ready to go. She held her bonnet and shawl in her hand, for she knew +Miss Benson and Sally would want to see her dressed. + +"Is not mamma pretty?" asked Leonard, with a child's pride. + +"She looks very nice and tidy," said Miss Benson, who had an idea +that children should not talk or think about beauty. + +"I think my ruff looks so nice," said Ruth, with gentle pleasure. And +indeed it did look nice, and set off the pretty round throat most +becomingly. Her hair, now grown long and thick, was smoothed as close +to her head as its waving nature would allow, and plaited up in a +great rich knot low down behind. The grey gown was as plain as plain +could be. + +"You should have light gloves, Ruth," said Miss Benson. She went +upstairs, and brought down a delicate pair of Limerick ones, which +had been long treasured up in a walnut-shell. + +"They say them gloves is made of chickens'-skins," said Sally, +examining them curiously. "I wonder how they set about skinning 'em." + +"Here, Ruth," said Mr Benson, coming in from the garden, "here's a +rose or two for you. I am sorry there are no more; I hoped I should +have had my yellow rose out by this time, but the damask and the +white are in a warmer corner, and have got the start." + +Miss Benson and Leonard stood at the door, and watched her down the +little passage-street till she was out of sight. + +She had hardly touched the bell at Mr Bradshaw's door, when Mary and +Elizabeth opened it with boisterous glee. + +"We saw you coming--we've been watching for you--we want you to come +round the garden before tea; papa is not come in yet. Do come!" + +She went round the garden with a little girl clinging to each arm. It +was full of sunshine and flowers, and this made the contrast between +it and the usual large family room (which fronted the north-east, and +therefore had no evening sun to light up its cold, drab furniture) +more striking than usual. It looked very gloomy. There was the great +dining-table, heavy and square; the range of chairs, straight and +square; the work-boxes, useful and square; the colouring of walls, +and carpet, and curtains, all of the coldest description; everything +was handsome, and everything was ugly. Mrs Bradshaw was asleep in her +easy-chair when they came in. Jemima had just put down her work, and, +lost in thought, she leant her cheek on her hand. When she saw Ruth +she brightened a little, and went to her and kissed her. Mrs Bradshaw +jumped up at the sound of their entrance, and was wide awake in a +moment. + +"Oh! I thought your father was here," said she, evidently relieved to +find that he had not come in and caught her sleeping. + +"Thank you, Mrs Denbigh, for coming to us to-night," said she, in +the quiet tone in which she generally spoke in her husband's absence. +When he was there, a sort of constant terror of displeasing him made +her voice sharp and nervous; the children knew that many a thing +passed over by their mother when their father was away, was sure +to be noticed by her when he was present; and noticed, too, in a +cross and querulous manner, for she was so much afraid of the blame +which on any occasion of their misbehaviour fell upon her. And yet +she looked up to her husband with a reverence and regard, and a +faithfulness of love, which his decision of character was likely to +produce on a weak and anxious mind. He was a rest and a support to +her, on whom she cast all her responsibilities; she was an obedient, +unremonstrating wife to him; no stronger affection had ever brought +her duty to him into conflict with any desire of her heart. She loved +her children dearly, though they all perplexed her very frequently. +Her son was her especial darling, because he very seldom brought her +into any scrapes with his father; he was so cautious and prudent, +and had the art of "keeping a calm sough" about any difficulty he +might be in. With all her dutiful sense of the obligation, which her +husband enforced upon her, to notice and tell him everything that was +going wrong in the household, and especially among his children, Mrs +Bradshaw, somehow, contrived to be honestly blind to a good deal that +was not praiseworthy in Master Richard. + +Mr Bradshaw came in before long, bringing with him Mr Farquhar. +Jemima had been talking to Ruth with some interest before then; but, +on seeing Mr Farquhar, she bent her head down over her work, went a +little paler, and turned obstinately silent. Mr Bradshaw longed to +command her to speak; but even he had a suspicion that what she might +say, when so commanded, might be rather worse in its effect than +her gloomy silence; so he held his peace, and a discontented, angry +kind of peace it was. Mrs Bradshaw saw that something was wrong, but +could not tell what; only she became every moment more trembling, and +nervous, and irritable, and sent Mary and Elizabeth off on all sorts +of contradictory errands to the servants, and made the tea twice +as strong, and sweetened it twice as much as usual, in hopes of +pacifying her husband with good things. + +Mr Farquhar had gone for the last time, or so he thought. He had +resolved (for the fifth time) that he would go and watch Jemima once +more, and if her temper got the better of her, and she showed the old +sullenness again, and gave the old proofs of indifference to his good +opinion, he would give her up altogether, and seek a wife elsewhere. +He sat watching her with folded arms, and in silence. Altogether they +were a pleasant family party! + +Jemima wanted to wind a skein of wool. Mr Farquhar saw it, and came +to her, anxious to do her this little service. She turned away +pettishly, and asked Ruth to hold it for her. + +Ruth was hurt for Mr Farquhar, and looked sorrowfully at Jemima; but +Jemima would not see her glance of upbraiding, as Ruth, hoping that +she would relent, delayed a little to comply with her request. Mr +Farquhar did; and went back to his seat to watch them both. He saw +Jemima turbulent and stormy in look; he saw Ruth, to all appearance +heavenly calm as the angels, or with only that little tinge of sorrow +which her friend's behaviour had called forth. He saw the unusual +beauty of her face and form, which he had never noticed before; and +he saw Jemima, with all the brilliancy she once possessed in eyes and +complexion, dimmed and faded. He watched Ruth, speaking low and soft +to the little girls, who seemed to come to her in every difficulty; +and he remarked her gentle firmness when their bedtime came, and +they pleaded to stay up longer (their father was absent in his +counting-house, or they would not have dared to do so). He liked +Ruth's soft, distinct, unwavering "No! you must go. You must keep to +what is right," far better than the good-natured yielding to entreaty +he had formerly admired in Jemima. He was wandering off into this +comparison, while Ruth, with delicate and unconscious tact, was +trying to lead Jemima into some subject which should take her away +from the thoughts, whatever they were, that made her so ungracious +and rude. + +Jemima was ashamed of herself before Ruth, in a way which she had +never been before any one else. She valued Ruth's good opinion so +highly, that she dreaded lest her friend should perceive her faults. +She put a check upon herself--a check at first; but after a little +time she had forgotten something of her trouble, and listened to +Ruth, and questioned her about Leonard, and smiled at his little +witticisms; and only the sighs, that would come up from the very +force of habit, brought back the consciousness of her unhappiness. +Before the end of the evening, Jemima had allowed herself to speak to +Mr Farquhar in the old way--questioning, differing, disputing. She +was recalled to the remembrance of that miserable conversation by the +entrance of her father. After that she was silent. But he had seen +her face more animated, and bright with a smile, as she spoke to Mr +Farquhar; and although he regretted the loss of her complexion (for +she was still very pale), he was highly pleased with the success of +his project. He never doubted but that Ruth had given her some sort +of private exhortation to behave better. He could not have understood +the pretty art with which, by simply banishing unpleasant subjects, +and throwing a wholesome natural sunlit tone over others, Ruth had +insensibly drawn Jemima out of her gloom. He resolved to buy Mrs +Denbigh a handsome silk gown the very next day. He did not believe +she had a silk gown, poor creature! He had noticed that dark grey +stuff, this long, long time, as her Sunday dress. He liked the +colour; the silk one should be just the same tinge. Then he thought +that it would, perhaps, be better to choose a lighter shade, one +which might be noticed as different to the old gown. For he had no +doubt she would like to have it remarked, and, perhaps, would not +object to tell people, that it was a present from Mr Bradshaw--a +token of his approbation. He smiled a little to himself as he thought +of this additional source of pleasure to Ruth. She, in the meantime, +was getting up to go home. While Jemima was lighting the bed-candle +at the lamp, Ruth came round to bid good night. Mr Bradshaw could +not allow her to remain till the morrow, uncertain whether he was +satisfied or not. + +"Good night, Mrs Denbigh," said he. "Good night. Thank you. I am +obliged to you--I am exceedingly obliged to you." + +He laid emphasis on these words, for he was pleased to see Mr +Farquhar step forward to help Jemima in her little office. + +Mr Farquhar offered to accompany Ruth home; but the streets that +intervened between Mr Bradshaw's and the Chapel-house were so quiet +that he desisted, when he learnt from Ruth's manner how much she +disliked his proposal. Mr Bradshaw, too, instantly observed: + +"Oh! Mrs Denbigh need not trouble you, Farquhar. I have servants at +liberty at any moment to attend on her, if she wishes it." + +In fact, he wanted to make hay while the sun shone, and to detain Mr +Farquhar a little longer, now that Jemima was so gracious. She went +upstairs with Ruth to help her to put on her things. + +"Dear Jemima!" said Ruth, "I am so glad to see you looking better +to-night! You quite frightened me this morning, you looked so ill." + +"Did I?" replied Jemima. "Oh, Ruth! I have been so unhappy lately. I +want you to come and put me to rights," she continued, half smiling. +"You know I'm a sort of out-pupil of yours, though we are so nearly +of an age. You ought to lecture me, and make me good." + +"Should I, dear?" said Ruth. "I don't think I'm the one to do it." + +"Oh, yes! you are--you've done me good to-night." + +"Well, if I can do anything for you, tell me what it is?" asked Ruth, +tenderly. + +"Oh, not now--not now," replied Jemima. "I could not tell you here. +It's a long story, and I don't know that I can tell you at all. Mamma +might come up at any moment, and papa would be sure to ask what we +had been talking about so long." + +"Take your own time, love," said Ruth; "only remember, as far as I +can, how glad I am to help you." + +"You're too good, my darling!" said Jemima, fondly. + +"Don't say so," replied Ruth, earnestly, almost as if she were +afraid. "God knows I am not." + +"Well! we're none of us too good," answered Jemima; "I know that. But +you _are_ very good. Nay, I won't call you so, if it makes you look +so miserable. But come away downstairs." + +With the fragrance of Ruth's sweetness lingering about her, Jemima +was her best self during the next half-hour. Mr Bradshaw was more and +more pleased, and raised the price of the silk, which he was going +to give Ruth, sixpence a yard during the time. Mr Farquhar went home +through the garden-way, happier than he had been this long time. He +even caught himself humming the old refrain: + + + On revient, on revient toujours, + A ses premiers amours. + + +But as soon as he was aware of what he was doing, he cleared away the +remnants of the song into a cough, which was sonorous, if not +perfectly real. + + + + +CHAPTER XXI + +Mr Farquhar's Attentions Transferred + + +The next morning, as Jemima and her mother sat at their work, it came +into the head of the former to remember her father's very marked way +of thanking Ruth the evening before. + +"What a favourite Mrs Denbigh is with papa," said she. "I am sure I +don't wonder at it. Did you notice, mamma, how he thanked her for +coming here last night?" + +"Yes, dear; but I don't think it was all--" Mrs Bradshaw stopped +short. She was never certain if it was right or wrong to say +anything. + +"Not all what?" asked Jemima, when she saw her mother was not going +to finish the sentence. + +"Not all because Mrs Denbigh came to tea here," replied Mrs Bradshaw. + +"Why, what else could he be thanking her for? What has she done?" +asked Jemima, stimulated to curiosity by her mother's hesitating +manner. + +"I don't know if I ought to tell you," said Mrs Bradshaw. + +"Oh, very well!" said Jemima, rather annoyed. + +"Nay, dear! your papa never said I was not to tell; perhaps I may." + +"Never mind! I don't want to hear," in a piqued tone. + +There was silence for a little while. Jemima was trying to think of +something else, but her thoughts would revert to the wonder what Mrs +Denbigh could have done for her father. + +"I think I may tell you, though," said Mrs Bradshaw, half +questioning. + +Jemima had the honour not to urge any confidence, but she was too +curious to take any active step towards repressing it. + +Mrs Bradshaw went on. "I think you deserve to know. It is partly your +doing that papa is so pleased with Mrs Denbigh. He is going to buy +her a silk gown this morning, and I think you ought to know why." + +"Why?" asked Jemima. + +"Because papa is so pleased to find that you mind what she says." + +"I mind what she says! To be sure I do, and always did. But why +should papa give her a gown for that? I think he ought to give it me +rather," said Jemima, half laughing. + +"I am sure he would, dear; he will give you one, I am certain, if +you want one. He was so pleased to see you like your old self to Mr +Farquhar last night. We neither of us could think what had come over +you this last month; but now all seems right." + +A dark cloud came over Jemima's face. She did not like this close +observation and constant comment upon her manners; and what had Ruth +to do with it? + +"I am glad you were pleased," said she, very coldly. Then, after a +pause, she added, "But you have not told me what Mrs Denbigh had to +do with my good behaviour." + +"Did not she speak to you about it?" asked Mrs Bradshaw, looking up. + +"No; why should she? She has no right to criticise what I do. She +would not be so impertinent," said Jemima, feeling very uncomfortable +and suspicious. + +"Yes, love! she would have had a right, for papa had desired her to +do it." + +"Papa desired her! What do you mean, mamma?" + +"Oh, dear! I dare say I should not have told you," said Mrs Bradshaw, +perceiving, from Jemima's tone of voice, that something had gone +wrong. "Only you spoke as if it would be impertinent in Mrs Denbigh, +and I am sure she would not do anything that was impertinent. You +know, it would be but right for her to do what papa told her; and he +said a great deal to her, the other day, about finding out why you +were so cross, and bringing you right. And you are right now, dear!" +said Mrs Bradshaw, soothingly, thinking that Jemima was annoyed (like +a good child) at the recollection of how naughty she had been. + +"Then papa is going to give Mrs Denbigh a gown because I was civil to +Mr Farquhar last night?" + +"Yes, dear!" said Mrs Bradshaw, more and more frightened at Jemima's +angry manner of speaking--low-toned, but very indignant. + +Jemima remembered, with smouldered anger, Ruth's pleading way +of wiling her from her sullenness the night before. Management +everywhere! but in this case it was peculiarly revolting; so much so, +that she could hardly bear to believe that the seemingly-transparent +Ruth had lent herself to it. + +"Are you sure, mamma, that papa asked Mrs Denbigh to make me behave +differently? It seems so strange." + +"I am quite sure. He spoke to her last Friday morning in the study. I +remember it was Friday, because Mrs Dean was working here." + +Jemima remembered now that she had gone into the school-room on the +Friday, and found her sisters lounging about, and wondering what papa +could possibly want with Mrs Denbigh. + +After this conversation, Jemima repulsed all Ruth's timid efforts to +ascertain the cause of her disturbance, and to help her if she could. +Ruth's tender, sympathising manner, as she saw Jemima daily looking +more wretched, was distasteful to the latter in the highest degree. +She could not say that Mrs Denbigh's conduct was positively wrong--it +might even be quite right; but it was inexpressibly repugnant to her +to think of her father consulting with a stranger (a week ago she +almost considered Ruth as a sister) how to manage his daughter, so as +to obtain the end he wished for; yes, even if that end was for her +own good. + +She was thankful and glad to see a brown paper parcel lying on the +hall-table, with a note in Ruth's handwriting, addressed to her +father. She _knew_ what it was, the grey silk dress. That she was +sure Ruth would never accept. + +No one henceforward could induce Jemima to enter into conversation +with Mr Farquhar. She suspected manoeuvring in the simplest +actions, and was miserable in this constant state of suspicion. She +would not allow herself to like Mr Farquhar, even when he said things +the most after her own heart. She heard him, one evening, talking +with her father about the principles of trade. Her father stood out +for the keenest, sharpest work, consistent with honesty; if he had +not been her father she would, perhaps, have thought some of his +sayings inconsistent with true Christian honesty. He was for driving +hard bargains, exacting interest and payment of just bills to a day. +That was (he said) the only way in which trade could be conducted. +Once allow a margin of uncertainty, or where feelings, instead of +maxims, were to be the guide, and all hope of there ever being any +good men of business was ended. + +"Suppose a delay of a month in requiring payment might save a man's +credit--prevent his becoming a bankrupt?" put in Mr Farquhar. + +"I would not give it him. I would let him have money to set up again +as soon as he had passed the Bankruptcy Court; if he never passed, I +might, in some cases, make him an allowance; but I would always keep +my justice and my charity separate." + +"And yet charity (in your sense of the word) degrades; justice, +tempered with mercy and consideration, elevates." + +"That is not justice--justice is certain and inflexible. No! Mr +Farquhar, you must not allow any Quixotic notions to mingle with your +conduct as a tradesman." + +And so they went on; Jemima's face glowing with sympathy in all Mr +Farquhar said; till once, on looking up suddenly with sparkling eyes, +she saw a glance of her father's which told her, as plain as words +could say, that he was watching the effect of Mr Farquhar's speeches +upon his daughter. She was chilled thenceforward; she thought her +father prolonged the argument, in order to call out those sentiments +which he knew would most recommend his partner to his daughter. She +would so fain have let herself love Mr Farquhar; but this constant +manoeuvring, in which she did not feel clear that he did not take a +passive part, made her sick at heart. She even wished that they might +not go through the form of pretending to try to gain her consent +to the marriage, if it involved all this premeditated action and +speech-making--such moving about of every one into their right +places, like pieces at chess. She felt as if she would rather be +bought openly, like an Oriental daughter, where no one is degraded in +their own eyes by being parties to such a contract. The consequences +of all this "admirable management" of Mr Bradshaw's would have been +very unfortunate to Mr Farquhar (who was innocent of all connivance +in any of the plots--indeed, would have been as much annoyed at them +as Jemima, had he been aware of them), but that the impression made +upon him by Ruth on the evening I have so lately described, was +deepened by the contrast which her behaviour made to Miss Bradshaw's +on one or two more recent occasions. + +There was no use, he thought, in continuing attentions so evidently +distasteful to Jemima. To her, a young girl hardly out of the +schoolroom, he probably appeared like an old man; and he might even +lose the friendship with which she used to regard him, and which was, +and ever would be, very dear to him, if he persevered in trying to be +considered as a lover. He should always feel affectionately towards +her; her very faults gave her an interest in his eyes, for which +he had blamed himself most conscientiously and most uselessly when +he was looking upon her as his future wife, but which the said +conscience would learn to approve of when she sank down to the place +of a young friend, over whom he might exercise a good and salutary +interest. Mrs Denbigh, if not many months older in years, had known +sorrow and cares so early that she was much older in character. +Besides, her shy reserve, and her quiet daily walk within the lines +of duty, were much in accordance with Mr Farquhar's notion of what a +wife should be. Still, it was a wrench to take his affections away +from Jemima. If she had not helped him to do so by every means in her +power, he could never have accomplished it. + +Yes! by every means in her power had Jemima alienated her lover, her +beloved--for so he was in fact. And now her quick-sighted eyes saw he +was gone for ever--past recall; for did not her jealous, sore heart +feel, even before he himself was conscious of the fact, that he was +drawn towards sweet, lovely, composed, and dignified Ruth--one who +always thought before she spoke (as Mr Farquhar used to bid Jemima +do)--who never was tempted by sudden impulse, but walked the world +calm and self-governed. What now availed Jemima's reproaches, as she +remembered the days when he had watched her with earnest, attentive +eyes, as he now watched Ruth; and the times since, when, led astray +by her morbid fancy, she had turned away from all his advances! + +"It was only in March--last March, he called me 'dear Jemima.' Ah, +don't I remember it well? The pretty nosegay of green-house flowers +that he gave me in exchange for the wild daffodils--and how he seemed +to care for the flowers I gave him--and how he looked at me, and +thanked me--that is all gone and over now." + +Her sisters came in bright and glowing. + +"Oh, Jemima, how nice and cool you are, sitting in this shady room!" +(She had felt it even chilly.) "We have been such a long walk! We are +so tired. It is so hot." + +"Why did you go, then?" said she. + +"Oh! we wanted to go. We would not have stayed at home on any +account. It has been so pleasant," said Mary. + +"We've been to Scaurside Wood, to gather wild strawberries," said +Elizabeth. "Such a quantity! We've left a whole basketful in the +dairy. Mr Farquhar says he'll teach us how to dress them in the way +he learnt in Germany, if we can get him some hock. Do you think papa +will let us have some?" + +"Was Mr Farquhar with you?" asked Jemima, a dull light coming into +her eyes. + +"Yes; we told him this morning that mamma wanted us to take some old +linen to the lame man at Scaurside Farm, and that we meant to coax +Mrs Denbigh to let us go into the wood and gather strawberries," said +Elizabeth. + +"I thought he would make some excuse and come," said the quick-witted +Mary, as eager and thoughtless an observer of one love-affair as +of another, and quite forgetting that, not many weeks ago, she had +fancied an attachment between him and Jemima. + +"Did you? I did not," replied Elizabeth. "At least I never thought +about it. I was quite startled when I heard his horse's feet behind +us on the road." + +"He said he was going to the farm, and could take our basket. Was not +it kind of him?" Jemima did not answer, so Mary continued: + +"You know it's a great pull up to the farm, and we were so hot +already. The road was quite white and baked; it hurt my eyes +terribly. I was so glad when Mrs Denbigh said we might turn into the +wood. The light was quite green there, the branches are so thick +overhead." + +"And there are whole beds of wild strawberries," said Elizabeth, +taking up the tale now Mary was out of breath. Mary fanned herself +with her bonnet, while Elizabeth went on: + +"You know where the grey rock crops out, don't you, Jemima? Well, +there was a complete carpet of strawberry runners. So pretty! And we +could hardly step without treading the little bright scarlet berries +under foot." + +"We did so wish for Leonard," put in Mary. + +"Yes! but Mrs Denbigh gathered a great many for him. And Mr Farquhar +gave her all his." + +"I thought you said he had gone on to Dawson's farm," said Jemima. + +"Oh, yes! he just went up there; and then he left his horse there, +like a wise man, and came to us in the pretty, cool, green wood. Oh, +Jemima, it was so pretty--little flecks of light coming down here and +there through the leaves, and quivering on the ground. You must go +with us to-morrow." + +"Yes," said Mary, "we're going again to-morrow. We could not gather +nearly all the strawberries." + +"And Leonard is to go too, to-morrow." + +"Yes! we thought of such a capital plan. That's to say, Mr Farquhar +thought of it--we wanted to carry Leonard up the hill in a king's +cushion, but Mrs Denbigh would not hear of it." + +"She said it would tire us so; and yet she wanted him to gather +strawberries!" + +"And so," interrupted Mary, for by this time the two girls were +almost speaking together, "Mr Farquhar is to bring him up before him +on his horse." + +"You'll go with us, won't you, dear Jemima?" asked Elizabeth; "it +will be at--" + +"No! I can't go!" said Jemima, abruptly. "Don't ask me--I can't." + +The little girls were hushed into silence by her manner; for whatever +she might be to those above her in age and position, to those below +her Jemima was almost invariably gentle. She felt that they were +wondering at her. + +"Go upstairs and take off your things. You know papa does not like +you to come into this room in the shoes in which you have been out." + +She was glad to cut her sisters short in the details which they were +so mercilessly inflicting--details which she must harden herself to, +before she could hear them quietly and unmoved. She saw that she had +lost her place as the first object in Mr Farquhar's eyes--a position +she had hardly cared for while she was secure in the enjoyment of it; +but the charm of it now was redoubled, in her acute sense of how she +had forfeited it by her own doing, and her own fault. For if he were +the cold, calculating man her father had believed him to be, and had +represented him as being to her, would he care for a portionless +widow in humble circumstances like Mrs Denbigh; no money, no +connexion, encumbered with her boy? The very action which proved Mr +Farquhar to be lost to Jemima reinstated him on his throne in her +fancy. And she must go on in hushed quietness, quivering with every +fresh token of his preference for another! That other, too, one so +infinitely more worthy of him than herself; so that she could not +have even the poor comfort of thinking that he had no discrimination, +and was throwing himself away on a common or worthless person. Ruth +was beautiful, gentle, good, and conscientious. The hot colour +flushed up into Jemima's sallow face as she became aware that, even +while she acknowledged these excellences on Mrs Denbigh's part, she +hated her. The recollection of her marble face wearied her even to +sickness; the tones of her low voice were irritating from their very +softness. Her goodness, undoubted as it was, was more distasteful +than many faults which had more savour of human struggle in them. + +"What was this terrible demon in her heart?" asked Jemima's better +angel. "Was she, indeed, given up to possession? Was not this the old +stinging hatred which had prompted so many crimes? The hatred of all +sweet virtues which might win the love denied to us? The old anger +that wrought in the elder brother's heart, till it ended in the +murder of the gentle Abel, while yet the world was young?" + +"Oh, God! help me! I did not know I was so wicked," cried Jemima +aloud in her agony. It had been a terrible glimpse into the dark, +lurid gulf--the capability for evil, in her heart. She wrestled with +the demon, but he would not depart; it was to be a struggle whether +or not she was to be given up to him, in this her time of sore +temptation. + +All the next day long she sat and pictured the happy strawberry +gathering going on, even then, in pleasant Scaurside Wood. Every +touch of fancy which could heighten her idea of their enjoyment, and +of Mr Farquhar's attention to the blushing, conscious Ruth--every +such touch which would add a pang to her self-reproach and keen +jealousy, was added by her imagination. She got up and walked about, +to try and stop her over-busy fancy by bodily exercise. But she had +eaten little all day, and was weak and faint in the intense heat of +the sunny garden. Even the long grass-walk under the filbert-hedge, +was parched and dry in the glowing August sun. Yet her sisters found +her there when they returned, walking quickly up and down, as if to +warm herself on some winter's day. They were very weary; and not half +so communicative as on the day before, now that Jemima was craving +for every detail to add to her agony. + +"Yes! Leonard came up before Mr Farquhar. Oh! how hot it is, Jemima; +do sit down, and I'll tell you about it, but I can't if you keep +walking so!" + +"I can't sit still to-day," said Jemima, springing up from the turf +as soon as she had sat down. "Tell me! I can hear you while I walk +about." + +"Oh! but I can't shout; I can hardly speak I am so tired. Mr Farquhar +brought Leonard--" + +"You've told me that before," said Jemima, sharply. + +"Well! I don't know what else to tell. Somebody had been since +yesterday, and gathered nearly all the strawberries off the grey +rock. Jemima! Jemima!" said Elizabeth, faintly, "I am so dizzy--I +think I am ill." + +The next minute the tired girl lay swooning on the grass. It was an +outlet for Jemima's fierce energy. With a strength she had never +again, and never had known before, she lifted up her fainting sister, +and bidding Mary run and clear the way, she carried her in through +the open garden-door, up the wide old-fashioned stairs, and laid her +on the bed in her own room, where the breeze from the window came +softly and pleasantly through the green shade of the vine-leaves and +jessamine. + +"Give me the water. Run for mamma, Mary," said Jemima, as she +saw that the fainting-fit did not yield to the usual remedy of a +horizontal position and the water sprinkling. + +"Dear! dear Lizzie!" said Jemima, kissing the pale, unconscious face. +"I think you loved me, darling." + +The long walk on the hot day had been too much for the delicate +Elizabeth, who was fast outgrowing her strength. It was many days +before she regained any portion of her spirit and vigour. After +that fainting-fit, she lay listless and weary, without appetite or +interest, through the long sunny autumn weather, on the bed or on the +couch in Jemima's room, whither she had been carried at first. It was +a comfort to Mrs Bradshaw to be able at once to discover what it was +that had knocked up Elizabeth; she did not rest easily until she had +settled upon a cause for every ailment or illness in the family. It +was a stern consolation to Mr Bradshaw, during his time of anxiety +respecting his daughter, to be able to blame somebody. He could not, +like his wife, have taken comfort from an inanimate fact; he wanted +the satisfaction of feeling that some one had been in fault, or else +this never could have happened. Poor Ruth did not need his implied +reproaches. When she saw her gentle Elizabeth lying feeble and +languid, her heart blamed her for thoughtlessness so severely as to +make her take all Mr Bradshaw's words and hints as too light censure +for the careless way in which, to please her own child, she had +allowed her two pupils to fatigue themselves with such long walks. +She begged hard to take her share of nursing. Every spare moment +she went to Mr Bradshaw's, and asked, with earnest humility, to be +allowed to pass them with Elizabeth; and, as it was often a relief +to have her assistance, Mrs Bradshaw received these entreaties very +kindly, and desired her to go upstairs, where Elizabeth's pale +countenance brightened when she saw her, but where Jemima sat in +silent annoyance that her own room was now become open ground for +one, whom her heart rose up against, to enter in and be welcomed. +Whether it was that Ruth, who was not an inmate of the house, brought +with her a fresher air, more change of thought to the invalid, I do +not know, but Elizabeth always gave her a peculiarly tender greeting; +and if she had sunk down into languid fatigue, in spite of all +Jemima's endeavours to interest her, she roused up into animation +when Ruth came in with a flower, a book, or a brown and ruddy pear, +sending out the warm fragrance it retained from the sunny garden-wall +at Chapel-house. + +The jealous dislike which Jemima was allowing to grow up in her heart +against Ruth was, as she thought, never shown in word or deed. She +was cold in manner, because she could not be hypocritical; but her +words were polite and kind in purport; and she took pains to make +her actions the same as formerly. But rule and line may measure out +the figure of a man; it is the soul that gives it life; and there +was no soul, no inner meaning, breathing out in Jemima's actions. +Ruth felt the change acutely. She suffered from it some time before +she ventured to ask what had occasioned it. But, one day, she took +Miss Bradshaw by surprise, when they were alone together for a few +minutes, by asking her if she had vexed her in any way, she was so +changed? It is sad when friendship has cooled so far as to render +such a question necessary. Jemima went rather paler than usual, and +then made answer: + +"Changed! How do you mean? How am I changed? What do I say or do +different from what I used to do?" + +But the tone was so constrained and cold, that Ruth's heart sank +within her. She knew now, as well as words could have told her, that +not only had the old feeling of love passed away from Jemima, but +that it had gone unregretted, and no attempt had been made to recall +it. Love was very precious to Ruth now, as of old time. It was one of +the faults of her nature to be ready to make any sacrifices for those +who loved her, and to value affection almost above its price. She +had yet to learn the lesson, that it is more blessed to love than +to be beloved; and lonely as the impressible years of her youth had +been--without parents, without brother or sister--it was, perhaps, +no wonder that she clung tenaciously to every symptom of regard, and +could not relinquish the love of any one without a pang. + +The doctor who was called in to Elizabeth prescribed sea-air as the +best means of recruiting her strength. Mr Bradshaw, who liked to +spend money ostentatiously, went down straight to Abermouth, and +engaged a house for the remainder of the autumn; for, as he told +the medical man, money was no object to him in comparison with his +children's health; and the doctor cared too little about the mode in +which his remedy was administered, to tell Mr Bradshaw that lodgings +would have done as well, or better, than the complete house he had +seen fit to take. For it was now necessary to engage servants, and +take much trouble, which might have been obviated, and Elizabeth's +removal effected more quietly and speedily, if she had gone into +lodgings. As it was, she was weary of hearing all the planning and +talking, and deciding and un-deciding, and re-deciding, before it was +possible for her to go. Her only comfort was in the thought that dear +Mrs Denbigh was to go with her. + +It had not been entirely by way of pompously spending his money that +Mr Bradshaw had engaged this seaside house. He was glad to get his +little girls and their governess out of the way; for a busy time was +impending, when he should want his head clear for electioneering +purposes, and his house clear for electioneering hospitality. He was +the mover of a project for bringing forward a man on the Liberal +and Dissenting interest, to contest the election with the old Tory +member, who had on several successive occasions walked over the +course, as he and his family owned half the town, and votes and rent +were paid alike to the landlord. + +Kings of Eccleston had Mr Cranworth and his ancestors been this many +a long year; their right was so little disputed that they never +thought of acknowledging the allegiance so readily paid to them. +The old feudal feeling between land-owner and tenant did not quake +prophetically at the introduction of manufactures; the Cranworth +family ignored the growing power of the manufacturers, more +especially as the principal person engaged in the trade was a +Dissenter. But notwithstanding this lack of patronage from the +one great family in the neighbourhood, the business flourished, +increased, and spread wide; and the Dissenting head thereof +looked around, about the time of which I speak, and felt himself +powerful enough to defy the great Cranworth interest even in their +hereditary stronghold, and, by so doing, avenge the slights of many +years--slights which rankled in Mr Bradshaw's mind as much as if he +did not go to chapel twice every Sunday, and pay the largest pew-rent +of any member of Mr Benson's congregation. + +Accordingly, Mr Bradshaw had applied to one of the Liberal +parliamentary agents in London--a man whose only principle was to do +wrong on the Liberal side; he would not act, right or wrong, for a +Tory, but for a Whig the latitude of his conscience had never yet +been discovered. It was possible Mr Bradshaw was not aware of the +character of this agent; at any rate, he knew he was the man for his +purpose, which was to hear of some one who would come forward as +a candidate for the representation of Eccleston on the Dissenting +interest. + +"There are in round numbers about six hundred voters," said he; "two +hundred are decidedly in the Cranworth interest--dare not offend Mr +Cranworth, poor souls! Two hundred more we may calculate upon as +pretty certain--factory hands, or people connected with our trade +in some way or another--who are indignant at the stubborn way in +which Cranworth has contested the right of water; two hundred are +doubtful." + +"Don't much care either way," said the parliamentary agent. "Of +course, we must make them care." + +Mr Bradshaw rather shrunk from the knowing look with which this was +said. He hoped that Mr Pilson did not mean to allude to bribery; but +he did not express this hope, because he thought it would deter the +agent from using this means, and it was possible it might prove to +be the only way. And if he (Mr Bradshaw) once embarked on such an +enterprise, there must be no failure. By some expedient or another, +success must be certain, or he could have nothing to do with it. + +The parliamentary agent was well accustomed to deal with all kinds +and shades of scruples. He was most at home with men who had none; +but still he could allow for human weakness; and he perfectly +understood Mr Bradshaw. + +"I have a notion I know of a man who will just suit your purpose. +Plenty of money--does not know what to do with it, in fact--tired of +yachting, travelling; wants something new. I heard, through some of +the means of intelligence I employ, that not very long ago he was +wishing for a seat in Parliament." + +"A Liberal?" said Mr Bradshaw. + +"Decidedly. Belongs to a family who were in the Long Parliament in +their day." + +Mr Bradshaw rubbed his hands. + +"Dissenter?" asked he. + +"No, no! Not so far as that. But very lax Church." + +"What is his name?" asked Mr Bradshaw, eagerly. + +"Excuse me. Until I am certain that he would like to come forward for +Eccleston, I think I had better not mention his name." + +The anonymous gentleman did like to come forward, and his name proved +to be Donne. He and Mr Bradshaw had been in correspondence during +all the time of Mr Ralph Cranworth's illness; and when he died, +everything was arranged ready for a start, even before the Cranworths +had determined who should keep the seat warm till the eldest son came +of age, for the father was already member for the county. Mr Donne +was to come down to canvass in person, and was to take up his abode +at Mr Bradshaw's; and therefore it was that the seaside house, within +twenty miles' distance of Eccleston, was found to be so convenient +as an infirmary and nursery for those members of his family who +were likely to be useless, if not positive encumbrances, during the +forthcoming election. + + + + +CHAPTER XXII + +The Liberal Candidate and His Precursor + + +Jemima did not know whether she wished to go to Abermouth or not. +She longed for change. She wearied of the sights and sounds of +home. But yet she could not bear to leave the neighbourhood of Mr +Farquhar; especially as, if she went to Abermouth, Ruth would in all +probability be left to take her holiday at home. + +When Mr Bradshaw decided that she was to go, Ruth tried to feel glad +that he gave her the means of repairing her fault towards Elizabeth; +and she resolved to watch over the two girls most faithfully and +carefully, and to do all in her power to restore the invalid to +health. But a tremor came over her whenever she thought of leaving +Leonard; she had never quitted him for a day, and it seemed to her as +if her brooding, constant care was his natural and necessary shelter +from all evils--from very death itself. She would not go to sleep at +nights, in order to enjoy the blessed consciousness of having him +near her; when she was away from him teaching her pupils, she kept +trying to remember his face, and print it deep on her heart, against +the time when days and days would elapse without her seeing that +little darling countenance. Miss Benson would wonder to her brother +that Mr Bradshaw did not propose that Leonard should accompany his +mother; he only begged her not to put such an idea into Ruth's head, +as he was sure Mr Bradshaw had no thoughts of doing any such thing, +yet to Ruth it might be a hope, and then a disappointment. His sister +scolded him for being so cold-hearted; but he was full of sympathy, +although he did not express it, and made some quiet little sacrifices +in order to set himself at liberty to take Leonard a long walking +expedition on the day when his mother left Eccleston. + +Ruth cried until she could cry no longer, and felt very much ashamed +of herself as she saw the grave and wondering looks of her pupils, +whose only feeling on leaving home was delight at the idea of +Abermouth, and into whose minds the possibility of death to any of +their beloved ones never entered. Ruth dried her eyes, and spoke +cheerfully as soon as she caught the perplexed expression of their +faces; and by the time they arrived at Abermouth, she was as much +delighted with all the new scenery as they were, and found it hard +work to resist their entreaties to go rambling out on the seashore at +once; but Elizabeth had undergone more fatigue that day than she had +had before for many weeks, and Ruth was determined to be prudent. + +Meanwhile, the Bradshaws' house at Eccleston was being rapidly +adapted for electioneering hospitality. The partition-wall between +the unused drawing-room and the school-room was broken down, in order +to admit of folding doors; the "ingenious" upholsterer of the town +(and what town does not boast of the upholsterer full of contrivances +and resources, in opposition to the upholsterer of steady capital and +no imagination, who looks down with uneasy contempt on ingenuity?) +had come in to give his opinion, that "nothing could be easier than +to convert a bathroom into a bedroom, by the assistance of a little +drapery to conceal the shower-bath," the string of which was to be +carefully concealed, for fear that the unconscious occupier of the +bath-bed might innocently take it for a bell-rope. The professional +cook of the town had been already engaged to take up her abode for a +month at Mr Bradshaw's, much to the indignation of Betsy, who became +a vehement partisan of Mr Cranworth, as soon as ever she heard of the +plan of her deposition from sovereign authority in the kitchen, in +which she had reigned supreme for fourteen years. Mrs Bradshaw sighed +and bemoaned herself in all her leisure moments, which were not many, +and wondered why their house was to be turned into an inn for this +Mr Donne, when everybody knew that the George was good enough for +the Cranworths, who never thought of asking the electors to the +Hall;--and they had lived at Cranworth ever since Julius Caesar's +time, and if that was not being an old family, she did not know what +was. The excitement soothed Jemima. There was something to do. It was +she who planned with the upholsterer; it was she who soothed Betsy +into angry silence; it was she who persuaded her mother to lie down +and rest, while she herself went out to buy the heterogeneous things +required to make the family and house presentable to Mr Donne and +his precursor--the friend of the parliamentary agent. This latter +gentleman never appeared himself on the scene of action, but pulled +all the strings notwithstanding. The friend was a Mr Hickson, a +lawyer--a briefless barrister, some people called him; but he himself +professed a great disgust to the law, as a "great sham," which +involved an immensity of underhand action, and truckling, and +time-serving, and was perfectly encumbered by useless forms and +ceremonies, and dead obsolete words. So, instead of putting his +shoulder to the wheel to reform the law, he talked eloquently against +it, in such a high-priest style, that it was occasionally a matter of +surprise how he could ever have made a friend of the parliamentary +agent before mentioned. But, as Mr Hickson himself said, it was the +very corruptness of the law which he was fighting against, in doing +all he could to effect the return of certain members to Parliament; +these certain members being pledged to effect a reform in the law, +according to Mr Hickson. And, as he once observed confidentially, "If +you had to destroy a hydra-headed monster, would you measure swords +with the demon as if he were a gentleman? Would you not rather seize +the first weapon that came to hand? And so do I. My great object in +life, sir, is to reform the law of England, sir. Once get a majority +of Liberal members into the House, and the thing is done. And I +consider myself justified, for so high--for, I may say, so holy--an +end, in using men's weaknesses to work out my purpose. Of course, if +men were angels, or even immaculate--men invulnerable to bribes, we +would not bribe." + +"Could you?" asked Jemima, for the conversation took place at Mr +Bradshaw's dinner-table, where a few friends were gathered together +to meet Mr Hickson; and among them was Mr Benson. + +"We neither would nor could," said the ardent barrister, disregarding +in his vehemence the point of the question, and floating on over the +bar of argument into the wide ocean of his own eloquence: "As it +is--as the world stands, they who would succeed even in good deeds +must come down to the level of expediency; and therefore, I say once +more, if Mr Donne is the man for your purpose, and your purpose is +a good one, a lofty one, a holy one" (for Mr Hickson remembered the +Dissenting character of his little audience, and privately considered +the introduction of the word "holy" a most happy hit), "then, I say, +we must put all the squeamish scruples which might befit Utopia, or +some such place, on one side, and treat men as they are. If they are +avaricious, it is not we who have made them so; but as we have to +do with them, we must consider their failings in dealing with them; +if they have been careless or extravagant, or have had their little +peccadillos, we must administer the screw. The glorious reform of the +law will justify, in my idea, all means to obtain the end--that law, +from the profession of which I have withdrawn myself from perhaps a +too scrupulous conscience!" he concluded softly to himself. + +"We are not to do evil that good may come," said Mr Benson. He was +startled at the deep sound of his own voice as he uttered these +words; but he had not been speaking for some time, and his voice came +forth strong and unmodulated. + +"True, sir; most true," said Mr Hickson, bowing. "I honour you for +the observation." And he profited by it, insomuch that he confined +his further remarks on elections to the end of the table, where +he sat near Mr Bradshaw, and one or two equally eager, though not +equally influential partisans of Mr Donne's. Meanwhile, Mr Farquhar +took up Mr Benson's quotation, at the end where he and Jemima sat +near to Mrs Bradshaw and him. + +"But in the present state of the world, as Mr Hickson says, it is +rather difficult to act upon that precept." + +"Oh, Mr Farquhar!" said Jemima, indignantly, the tears springing to +her eyes with a feeling of disappointment. For she had been chafing +under all that Mr Hickson had been saying, perhaps the more for one +or two attempts on his part at a flirtation with the daughter of +his wealthy host, which she resented with all the loathing of a +pre-occupied heart; and she had longed to be a man, to speak out her +wrath at this paltering with right and wrong. She had felt grateful +to Mr Benson for his one clear, short precept, coming down with a +divine force against which there was no appeal; and now to have Mr +Farquhar taking the side of expediency! It was too bad. + +"Nay, Jemima!" said Mr Farquhar, touched, and secretly flattered by +the visible pain his speech had given. "Don't be indignant with me +till I have explained myself a little more. I don't understand myself +yet; and it is a very intricate question, or so it appears to me, +which I was going to put, really, earnestly, and humbly, for Mr +Benson's opinion. Now, Mr Benson, may I ask, if you always find it +practicable to act strictly in accordance with that principle? For +if you do not, I am sure no man living can! Are there not occasions +when it is absolutely necessary to wade through evil to good? I am +not speaking in the careless, presumptuous way of that man yonder," +said he, lowering his voice, and addressing himself to Jemima more +exclusively; "I am really anxious to hear what Mr Benson will say +on the subject, for I know no one to whose candid opinion I should +attach more weight." + +But Mr Benson was silent. He did not see Mrs Bradshaw and Jemima +leave the room. He was really, as Mr Farquhar supposed him, +completely absent, questioning himself as to how far his practice +tallied with his principle. By degrees he came to himself; he found +the conversation still turned on the election; and Mr Hickson, who +felt that he had jarred against the little minister's principles, +and yet knew, from the _carte du pays_ which the scouts of the +parliamentary agent had given him, that Mr Benson was a person to be +conciliated, on account of his influence over many of the working +people, began to ask him questions with an air of deferring to +superior knowledge, that almost surprised Mr Bradshaw, who had been +accustomed to treat "Benson" in a very different fashion, of civil +condescending indulgence, just as one listens to a child who can have +had no opportunities of knowing better. + +At the end of a conversation that Mr Hickson held with Mr Benson, on +a subject in which the latter was really interested, and on which he +had expressed himself at some length, the young barrister turned to +Mr Bradshaw, and said very audibly, + +"I wish Donne had been here. This conversation during the last +half-hour would have interested him almost as much as it has done +me." + +Mr Bradshaw little guessed the truth, that Mr Donne was, at that +very moment, coaching up the various subjects of public interest in +Eccleston, and privately cursing the particular subject on which +Mr Benson had been holding forth, as being an unintelligible piece +of Quixotism; or the leading Dissenter of the town need not have +experienced a pang of jealousy at the possible future admiration his +minister might excite in the possible future member for Eccleston. +And if Mr Benson had been clairvoyant, he need not have made an +especial subject of gratitude out of the likelihood that he might +have an opportunity of so far interesting Mr Donne in the condition +of the people of Eccleston as to induce him to set his face against +any attempts at bribery. + +Mr Benson thought of this half the night through; and ended by +determining to write a sermon on the Christian view of political +duties, which might be good for all, both electors and member, to +hear on the eve of an election. For Mr Donne was expected at Mr +Bradshaw's before the next Sunday; and, of course, as Mr and Miss +Benson had settled it, he would appear at the chapel with them on +that day. But the stinging conscience refused to be quieted. No +present plan of usefulness allayed the aching remembrance of the evil +he had done that good might come. Not even the look of Leonard, as +the early dawn fell on him, and Mr Benson's sleepless eyes saw the +rosy glow on his firm round cheeks; his open mouth, through which the +soft, long-drawn breath came gently quivering; and his eyes not fully +shut, but closed to outward sight--not even the aspect of the quiet, +innocent child could soothe the troubled spirit. + +Leonard and his mother dreamt of each other that night. Her dream of +him was one of undefined terror--terror so great that it wakened her +up, and she strove not to sleep again, for fear that ominous ghastly +dream should return. He, on the contrary, dreamt of her sitting +watching and smiling by his bedside, as her gentle self had been many +a morning; and when she saw him awake (so it fell out in the dream), +she smiled still more sweetly, and bending down she kissed him, and +then spread out large, soft, white-feathered wings (which in no way +surprised her child--he seemed to have known they were there all +along), and sailed away through the open window far into the blue +sky of a summer's day. Leonard wakened up then, and remembered how +far away she really was--far more distant and inaccessible than the +beautiful blue sky to which she had betaken herself in his dream--and +cried himself to sleep again. + +In spite of her absence from her child, which made one great and +abiding sorrow, Ruth enjoyed her seaside visit exceedingly. In the +first place, there was the delight of seeing Elizabeth's daily and +almost hourly improvement. Then, at the doctor's express orders, +there were so few lessons to be done, that there was time for the +long exploring rambles, which all three delighted in. And when the +rain came and the storms blew, the house, with its wild sea-views, +was equally delightful. + +It was a large house, built on the summit of a rock, which nearly +overhung the shore below; there were, to be sure, a series of zigzag +tacking paths down the face of this rock, but from the house they +could not be seen. Old or delicate people would have considered the +situation bleak and exposed; indeed, the present proprietor wanted to +dispose of it on this very account; but by its present inhabitants, +this exposure and bleakness were called by other names, and +considered as charms. From every part of the rooms they saw the grey +storms gather on the sea-horizon, and put themselves in marching +array; and soon the march became a sweep, and the great dome of the +heavens was covered with the lurid clouds, between which and the +vivid green earth below there seemed to come a purple atmosphere, +making the very threatening beautiful; and by-and-by the house was +wrapped in sheets of rain shutting out sky, and sea, and inland view; +till, of a sudden, the storm was gone by, and the heavy rain-drops +glistened in the sun as they hung on leaf and grass, and the "little +birds sang east, and the little birds sang west," and there was a +pleasant sound of running waters all abroad. + +"Oh! if papa would but buy this house!" exclaimed Elizabeth, after +one such storm, which she had watched silently from the very +beginning of the "little cloud no bigger than a man's hand." + +"Mamma would never like it, I am afraid," said Mary. "She would call +our delicious gushes of air, draughts, and think we should catch +cold." + +"Jemima would be on our side. But how long Mrs Denbigh is! I hope she +was near enough the post-office when the rain came on!" + +Ruth had gone to "the shop" in the little village, about half-a-mile +distant, where all letters were left till fetched. She only expected +one, but that one was to tell her of Leonard. She, however, received +two; the unexpected one was from Mr Bradshaw, and the news it +contained was, if possible, a greater surprise than the letter +itself. Mr Bradshaw informed her, that he planned arriving by +dinner-time the following Saturday at Eagle's Crag; and more, that he +intended bringing Mr Donne and one or two other gentlemen with him, +to spend the Sunday there! The letter went on to give every possible +direction regarding the household preparations. The dinner-hour was +fixed to be at six; but, of course, Ruth and the girls would have +dined long before. The (professional) cook would arrive the day +before, laden with all the provisions that could not be obtained +on the spot. Ruth was to engage a waiter from the inn, and this it +was that detained her so long. While she sat in the little parlour, +awaiting the coming of the landlady, she could not help wondering why +Mr Bradshaw was bringing this strange gentleman to spend two days +at Abermouth, and thus giving himself so much trouble and fuss of +preparation. + +There were so many small reasons that went to make up the large one +which had convinced Mr Bradshaw of the desirableness of this step, +that it was not likely that Ruth should guess at one half of them. In +the first place, Miss Benson, in the pride and fulness of her heart, +had told Mrs Bradshaw what her brother had told her; how he meant to +preach upon the Christian view of the duties involved in political +rights; and as, of course, Mrs Bradshaw had told Mr Bradshaw, he +began to dislike the idea of attending chapel on that Sunday at all; +for he had an uncomfortable idea that by the Christian standard--that +divine test of the true and pure--bribery would not be altogether +approved of; and yet he was tacitly coming round to the understanding +that "packets" would be required, for what purpose both he and Mr +Donne were to be supposed to remain ignorant. But it would be very +awkward, so near to the time, if he were to be clearly convinced that +bribery, however disguised by names and words, was in plain terms +a sin. And yet he knew Mr Benson had once or twice convinced him +against his will of certain things, which he had thenceforward found +it impossible to do, without such great uneasiness of mind, that he +had left off doing them, which was sadly against his interest. And if +Mr Donne (whom he had intended to take with him to chapel, as fair +Dissenting prey) should also become convinced, why, the Cranworths +would win the day, and he should be the laughing-stock of Eccleston. +No! in this one case bribery must be allowed--was allowable; but +it was a great pity human nature was so corrupt, and if his member +succeeded, he would double his subscription to the schools, in order +that the next generation might be taught better. There were various +other reasons, which strengthened Mr Bradshaw in the bright idea +of going down to Abermouth for the Sunday; some connected with the +out-of-door politics, and some with the domestic. For instance, +it had been the plan of the house to have a cold dinner on the +Sundays--Mr Bradshaw had piqued himself on this strictness--and yet +he had an instinctive feeling that Mr Donne was not quite the man to +partake of cold meat for conscience' sake with cheerful indifference +to his fare. + +Mr Donne had, in fact, taken the Bradshaw household a little by +surprise. Before he came, Mr Bradshaw had pleased himself with +thinking, that more unlikely things had happened than the espousal +of his daughter with the member of a small borough. But this pretty +airy bubble burst as soon as he saw Mr Donne; and its very existence +was forgotten in less than half an hour, when he felt the quiet but +incontestible difference of rank and standard that there was, in +every respect, between his guest and his own family. It was not +through any circumstance so palpable, and possibly accidental, as the +bringing down a servant, whom Mr Donne seemed to consider as much +a matter of course as a carpet-bag (though the smart gentleman's +arrival "fluttered the Volscians in Corioli" considerably more +than his gentle-spoken master's). It was nothing like this; it was +something indescribable--a quiet being at ease, and expecting every +one else to be so--an attention to women, which was so habitual as +to be unconsciously exercised to those subordinate persons in Mr +Bradshaw's family--a happy choice of simple and expressive words, +some of which it must be confessed were slang, but fashionable +slang, and that makes all the difference--a measured, graceful way +of utterance, with a style of pronunciation quite different to +that of Eccleston. All these put together make but a part of the +indescribable whole which unconsciously affected Mr Bradshaw, and +established Mr Donne in his estimation as a creature quite different +to any he had seen before, and as most unfit to mate with Jemima. Mr +Hickson, who had appeared as a model of gentlemanly ease before Mr +Donne's arrival, now became vulgar and coarse in Mr Bradshaw's eyes. +And yet, such was the charm of that languid, high-bred manner, that +Mr Bradshaw "cottoned" (as he expressed it to Mr Farquhar) to his +new candidate at once. He was only afraid lest Mr Donne was too +indifferent to all things under the sun to care whether he gained or +lost the election; but he was reassured after the first conversation +they had together on the subject. Mr Donne's eye lightened with an +eagerness that was almost fierce, though his tones were as musical, +and nearly as slow, as ever; and when Mr Bradshaw alluded distantly +to "probable expenses" and "packets," Mr Donne replied, + +"Oh, of course! disagreeable necessity! Better speak as little about +such things as possible; other people can be found to arrange all the +dirty work. Neither you nor I would like to soil our fingers by it, I +am sure. Four thousand pounds are in Mr Pilson's hands, and I shall +never inquire what becomes of them; they may, very probably, be +absorbed in the law expenses, you know. I shall let it be clearly +understood from the hustings, that I most decidedly disapprove of +bribery, and leave the rest to Hickson's management. He is accustomed +to these sort of things. I am not." + +Mr Bradshaw was rather perplexed by this want of bustling energy on +the part of the new candidate; and if it had not been for the four +thousand pounds aforesaid, would have doubted whether Mr Donne +cared sufficiently for the result of the election. Jemima thought +differently. She watched her father's visitor attentively, with +something like the curious observation which a naturalist bestows on +a new species of animal. + +"Do you know what Mr Donne reminds me of, mamma?" said she, one day, +as the two sat at work, while the gentlemen were absent canvassing. + +"No! he is not like anybody I ever saw. He quite frightens me, by +being so ready to open the door for me if I am going out of the room, +and by giving me a chair when I come in. I never saw any one like +him. Who is it, Jemima?" + +"Not any person--not any human being, mamma," said Jemima, half +smiling. "Do you remember our stopping at Wakefield once, on our way +to Scarborough, and there were horse-races going on somewhere, and +some of the racers were in the stables at the inn where we dined?" + +"Yes! I remember it; but what about that?" + +"Why, Richard, somehow, knew one of the jockeys, and, as we were +coming in from our ramble through the town, this man, or boy, asked +us to look at one of the racers he had the charge of." + +"Well, my dear!" + +"Well, mamma! Mr Donne is like that horse!" + +"Nonsense, Jemima; you must not say so. I don't know what your father +would say, if he heard you likening Mr Donne to a brute." + +"Brutes are sometimes very beautiful, mamma. I am sure I should think +it a compliment to be likened to a race-horse, such as the one we +saw. But the thing in which they are alike, is the sort of repressed +eagerness in both." + +"Eager! Why, I should say there never was any one cooler than Mr +Donne. Think of the trouble your papa has had this month past, and +then remember the slow way in which Mr Donne moves when he is going +out to canvass, and the low, drawling voice in which he questions the +people who bring him intelligence. I can see your papa standing by, +ready to shake them to get out their news." + +"But Mr Donne's questions are always to the point, and force out the +grain without the chaff. And look at him, if any one tells him ill +news about the election! Have you never seen a dull red light come +into his eyes? That is like my race-horse. Her flesh quivered all +over, at certain sounds and noises which had some meaning to her; +but she stood quite still, pretty creature! Now, Mr Donne is just as +eager as she was, though he may be too proud to show it. Though he +seems so gentle, I almost think he is very headstrong in following +out his own will." + +"Well! don't call him like a horse again, for I am sure papa would +not like it. Do you know, I thought you were going to say he was like +little Leonard, when you asked me who he was like." + +"Leonard! Oh, mamma, he is not in the least like Leonard. He is +twenty times more like my race-horse. + +"Now, my dear Jemima, do be quiet. Your father thinks racing so +wrong, that I am sure he would be very seriously displeased if he +were to hear you." + +To return to Mr Bradshaw, and to give one more of his various reasons +for wishing to take Mr Donne to Abermouth. The wealthy Eccleston +manufacturer was uncomfortably impressed with an indefinable sense of +inferiority to his visitor. It was not in education, for Mr Bradshaw +was a well-educated man; it was not in power, for, if he chose, the +present object of Mr Donne's life might be utterly defeated; it +did not arise from anything overbearing in manner, for Mr Donne +was habitually polite and courteous, and was just now anxious to +propitiate his host, whom he looked upon as a very useful man. +Whatever this sense of inferiority arose from, Mr Bradshaw was +anxious to relieve himself of it, and imagined that if he could make +more display of his wealth his object would be obtained. Now his +house in Eccleston was old-fashioned, and ill-calculated to exhibit +money's worth. His mode of living, though strained to a high pitch +just at this time, he became aware was no more than Mr Donne was +accustomed to every day of his life. The first day at dessert, some +remark (some opportune remark, as Mr Bradshaw in his innocence had +thought) was made regarding the price of pine-apples, which was +rather exorbitant that year, and Mr Donne asked Mrs Bradshaw, with +quiet surprise, if they had no pinery, as if to be without a pinery +were indeed a depth of pitiable destitution. In fact, Mr Donne had +been born and cradled in all that wealth could purchase, and so had +his ancestors before him for so many generations, that refinement +and luxury seemed the natural condition of man, and they that dwelt +without were in the position of monsters. The absence was noticed; +but not the presence. + +Now, Mr Bradshaw knew that the house and grounds of Eagle's Crag were +exorbitantly dear, and yet he really thought of purchasing them. And +as one means of exhibiting his wealth, and so raising himself up to +the level of Mr Donne, he thought that if he could take the latter +down to Abermouth, and show him the place for which, "because his +little girls had taken a fancy to it," he was willing to give the +fancy-price of fourteen thousand pounds, he should at last make those +half-shut dreamy eyes open wide, and their owner confess that, in +wealth at least, the Eccleston manufacturer stood on a par with him. + +All these mingled motives caused the determination which made Ruth +sit in the little inn-parlour at Abermouth during the wild storm's +passage. + +She wondered if she had fulfilled all Mr Bradshaw's directions. She +looked at the letter. Yes! everything was done. And now home with her +news, through the wet lane, where the little pools by the roadside +reflected the deep blue sky and the round white clouds with even +deeper blue and clearer white; and the rain-drops hung so thick on +the trees, that even a little bird's flight was enough to shake them +down in a bright shower as of rain. When she told the news, Mary +exclaimed, + +"Oh, how charming! Then we shall see this new member after all!" +while Elizabeth added, + +"Yes! I shall like to do that. But where must we be? Papa will want +the dining-room and this room, and where must we sit?" + +"Oh!" said Ruth, "in the dressing-room next to my room. All that your +papa wants always, is that you are quiet and out of the way." + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII + +Recognition + + +Saturday came. Torn, ragged clouds were driven across the sky. It was +not a becoming day for the scenery, and the little girls regretted it +much. First they hoped for a change at twelve o'clock, and then at +the afternoon tide-turning. But at neither time did the sun show his +face. + +"Papa will never buy this dear place," said Elizabeth, sadly, as she +watched the weather. "The sun is everything to it. The sea looks +quite leaden to-day, and there is no sparkle on it. And the sands, +that were so yellow and sun-speckled on Thursday, are all one dull +brown now." + +"Never mind! to-morrow may be better," said Ruth, cheerily. + +"I wonder what time they will come at?" inquired Mary. + +"Your papa said they would be at the station at five o'clock. And +the landlady at the Swan said it would take them half an hour to get +here." + +"And they are to dine at six?" asked Elizabeth. + +"Yes," answered Ruth. "And I think if we had our tea half an hour +earlier, at half-past four, and then went out for a walk, we should +be nicely out of the way just during the bustle of the arrival and +dinner; and we could be in the drawing-room ready against your papa +came in after dinner." + +"Oh! that would be nice," said they; and tea was ordered accordingly. + +The south-westerly wind had dropped, and the clouds were stationary, +when they went out on the sands. They dug little holes near the +in-coming tide, and made canals to them from the water, and blew the +light sea-foam against each other; and then stole on tiptoe near to +the groups of grey and white sea-gulls, which despised their caution, +flying softly and slowly away to a little distance as soon as they +drew near. And in all this Ruth was as great a child as any. Only she +longed for Leonard with a mother's longing, as indeed she did every +day, and all hours of the day. By-and-by the clouds thickened yet +more, and one or two drops of rain were felt. It was very little, but +Ruth feared a shower for her delicate Elizabeth, and besides, the +September evening was fast closing in the dark and sunless day. As +they turned homewards in the rapidly increasing dusk, they saw three +figures on the sand near the rocks, coming in their direction. + +"Papa and Mr Donne!" exclaimed Mary. "Now we shall see him!" + +"Which do you make out is him?" asked Elizabeth. + +"Oh! the tall one, to be sure. Don't you see how papa always turns to +him, as if he was speaking to him and not to the other?" + +"Who is the other?" asked Elizabeth. + +"Mr Bradshaw said that Mr Farquhar and Mr Hickson would come with +him. But that is not Mr Farquhar, I am sure," said Ruth. + +The girls looked at each other, as they always did, when Ruth +mentioned Mr Farquhar's name; but she was perfectly unconscious both +of the look and of the conjectures which gave rise to it. + +As soon as the two parties drew near, Mr Bradshaw called out in his +strong voice, + +"Well, my dears! we found there was an hour before dinner, so we came +down upon the sands, and here you are." + +The tone of his voice assured them that he was in a bland and +indulgent mood, and the two little girls ran towards him. He kissed +them, and shook hands with Ruth; told his companions that these +were the little girls who were tempting him to this extravagance of +purchasing Eagle's Crag; and then, rather doubtfully, and because +he saw that Mr Donne expected it, he introduced "My daughters' +governess, Mrs Denbigh." + +It was growing darker every moment, and it was time they should +hasten back to the rocks, which were even now indistinct in the grey +haze. Mr Bradshaw held a hand of each of his daughters, and Ruth +walked alongside, the two strange gentlemen being on the outskirts of +the party. + +Mr Bradshaw began to give his little girls some home news. He told +them that Mr Farquhar was ill, and could not accompany them; but +Jemima and their mamma were quite well. + +The gentleman nearest to Ruth spoke to her. + +"Are you fond of the sea?" asked he. There was no answer, so he +repeated his question in a different form. + +"Do you enjoy staying by the seaside? I should rather ask." + +The reply was "Yes," rather breathed out in a deep inspiration than +spoken in a sound. The sands heaved and trembled beneath Ruth. The +figures near her vanished into strange nothingness; the sounds of +their voices were as distant sounds in a dream, while the echo of one +voice thrilled through and through. She could have caught at his arm +for support, in the awful dizziness which wrapped her up, body and +soul. That voice! No! if name, and face, and figure were all changed, +that voice was the same which had touched her girlish heart, which +had spoken most tender words of love, which had won, and wrecked her, +and which she had last heard in the low mutterings of fever. She +dared not look round to see the figure of him who spoke, dark as it +was. She knew he was there--she heard him speak in the manner in +which he used to address strangers years ago; perhaps she answered +him, perhaps she did not--God knew. It seemed as if weights were tied +to her feet--as if the steadfast rocks receded--as if time stood +still;--it was so long, so terrible, that path across the reeling +sand. + +At the foot of the rocks they separated. Mr Bradshaw, afraid lest +dinner should cool, preferred the shorter way for himself and his +friends. On Elizabeth's account, the girls were to take the longer +and easier path, which wound upwards through a rocky field, where +larks' nests abounded, and where wild thyme and heather were now +throwing out their sweets to the soft night air. + +The little girls spoke in eager discussion of the strangers. They +appealed to Ruth, but Ruth did not answer, and they were too +impatient to convince each other to repeat the question. The first +little ascent from the sands to the field surmounted, Ruth sat +down suddenly and covered her face with her hands. This was so +unusual--their wishes, their good, was so invariably the rule of +motion or of rest in their walks--that the girls, suddenly checked, +stood silent and affrighted in surprise. They were still more +startled when Ruth wailed aloud some inarticulate words. + +"Are you not well, dear Mrs Denbigh?" asked Elizabeth, gently, +kneeling down on the grass by Ruth. + +She sat facing the west. The low watery twilight was on her face as +she took her hands away. So pale, so haggard, so wild and wandering a +look the girls had never seen on human countenance before. + +"Well! what are you doing here with me? You should not be with me," +said she, shaking her head slowly. + +They looked at each other. + +"You are sadly tired," said Elizabeth, soothingly. "Come home, and +let me help you to bed. I will tell papa you are ill, and ask him to +send for a doctor." + +Ruth looked at her as if she did not understand the meaning of her +words. No more she did at first. But by-and-by the dulled brain began +to think most vividly and rapidly, and she spoke in a sharp way which +deceived the girls into a belief that nothing had been the matter. + +"Yes! I was tired. I am tired. Those sands--oh! those sands, those +weary, dreadful sands! But that is all over now. Only my heart aches +still. Feel how it flutters and beats," said she, taking Elizabeth's +hand, and holding it to her side. "I am quite well, though," she +continued, reading pity in the child's looks, as she felt the +trembling, quivering beat. "We will go straight to the dressing-room, +and read a chapter; that will still my heart; and then I'll go to +bed, and Mr Bradshaw will excuse me, I know, this one night. I only +ask for one night. Put on your right frocks, dears, and do all you +ought to do. But I know you will," said she, bending down to kiss +Elizabeth, and then, before she had done so, raising her head +abruptly. "You are good and dear girls--God keep you so!" + +By a strong effort at self-command, she went onwards at an even pace, +neither rushing nor pausing to sob and think. The very regularity of +motion calmed her. The front and back doors of the house were on two +sides, at right angles with each other. They all shrunk a little +from the idea of going in at the front door, now that the strange +gentlemen were about, and, accordingly, they went through the quiet +farm-yard right into the bright, ruddy kitchen, where the servants +were dashing about with the dinner things. It was a contrast in +more than colour to the lonely, dusky field, which even the little +girls perceived; and the noise, the warmth, the very bustle of the +servants, were a positive relief to Ruth, and for the time lifted +off the heavy press of pent-up passion. A silent house, with moonlit +rooms, or with a faint gloom brooding over the apartments, would have +been more to be dreaded. Then, she must have given way, and cried +out. As it was, she went up the old awkward back stairs, and into the +room they were to sit in. There was no candle. Mary volunteered to go +down for one; and when she returned she was full of the wonders of +preparation in the drawing-room, and ready and eager to dress, so as +to take her place there before the gentlemen had finished dinner. But +she was struck by the strange paleness of Ruth's face, now that the +light fell upon it. + +"Stay up here, dear Mrs Denbigh! We'll tell papa you are tired, and +are gone to bed." + +Another time Ruth would have dreaded Mr Bradshaw's displeasure; for +it was an understood thing that no one was to be ill or tired in his +household without leave asked, and cause given and assigned. But +she never thought of that now. Her great desire was to hold quiet +till she was alone. Quietness it was not--it was rigidity; but she +succeeded in being rigid in look and movement, and went through her +duties to Elizabeth (who preferred remaining with her upstairs) with +wooden precision. But her heart felt at times like ice, at times +like burning fire; always a heavy, heavy weight within her. At last +Elizabeth went to bed. Still Ruth dared not think. Mary would come +upstairs soon; and with a strange, sick, shrinking yearning, Ruth +awaited her--and the crumbs of intelligence she might drop out about +_him_. Ruth's sense of hearing was quickened to miserable intensity +as she stood before the chimney-piece, grasping it tight with both +hands--gazing into the dying fire, but seeing--not the dead grey +embers, or the little sparks of vivid light that ran hither and +thither among the wood-ashes--but an old farm-house, and climbing, +winding road, and a little golden breezy common, with a rural inn on +the hill-top, far, far away. And through the thoughts of the past +came the sharp sounds of the present--of three voices, one of which +was almost silence, it was so hushed. Indifferent people would only +have guessed that Mr Donne was speaking by the quietness in which +the others listened; but Ruth heard the voice and many of the words, +though they conveyed no idea to her mind. She was too much stunned +even to feel curious to know to what they related. _He_ spoke. That +was her one fact. + +Presently up came Mary, bounding, exultant. Papa had let her stay +up one quarter of an hour longer, because Mr Hickson had asked. Mr +Hickson was so clever! She did not know what to make of Mr Donne, +he seemed such a dawdle. But he was very handsome. Had Ruth seen +him? Oh, no! She could not, it was so dark on those stupid sands. +Well, never mind, she would see him to-morrow. She _must_ be well +to-morrow. Papa seemed a good deal put out that neither she nor +Elizabeth were in the drawing-room to-night; and his last words were, +"Tell Mrs Denbigh I hope" (and papa's "hopes" always meant "expect") +"she will be able to make breakfast at nine o'clock;" and then she +would see Mr Donne. + +That was all Ruth heard about him. She went with Mary into her +bedroom, helped her to undress, and put the candle out. At length she +was alone in her own room! At length! + +But the tension did not give way immediately. She fastened her door, +and threw open the window, cold and threatening as was the night. She +tore off her gown; she put her hair back from her heated face. It +seemed now as if she could not think--as if thought and emotion had +been repressed so sternly that they would not come to relieve her +stupified brain. Till all at once, like a flash of lightning, her +life, past and present, was revealed to her in its minutest detail. +And when she saw her very present "Now," the strange confusion of +agony was too great to be borne, and she cried aloud. Then she was +quite dead, and listened as to the sound of galloping armies. + +"If I might see him! If I might see him! If I might just ask him why +he left me; if I had vexed him in any way; it was so strange--so +cruel! It was not him; it was his mother," said she, almost fiercely, +as if answering herself. "Oh, God! but he might have found me out +before this," she continued, sadly. "He did not care for me, as I +did for him. He did not care for me at all," she went on wildly and +sharply. "He did me cruel harm. I can never again lift up my face in +innocence. They think I have forgotten all, because I do not speak. +Oh, darling love! am I talking against you?" asked she, tenderly. "I +am so torn and perplexed! You, who are the father of my child!" + +But that very circumstance, full of such tender meaning in many +cases, threw a new light into her mind. It changed her from the woman +into the mother--the stern guardian of her child. She was still for a +time, thinking. Then she began again, but in a low, deep voice, + +"He left me. He might have been hurried off, but he might have +inquired--he might have learnt, and explained. He left me to bear +the burden and the shame; and never cared to learn, as he might have +done, of Leonard's birth. He has no love for his child, and I will +have no love for him." + +She raised her voice while uttering this determination, and then, +feeling her own weakness, she moaned out, "Alas! alas!" + +And then she started up, for all this time she had been rocking +herself backwards and forwards as she sat on the ground, and began to +pace the room with hurried steps. + +"What am I thinking of? Where am I? I who have been praying these +years and years to be worthy to be Leonard's mother. My God! what a +depth of sin is in my heart! Why, the old time would be as white as +snow to what it would be now, if I sought him out, and prayed for the +explanation, which should re-establish him in my heart. I who have +striven (or made a mock of trying) to learn God's holy will, in order +to bring up Leonard into the full strength of a Christian--I who have +taught his sweet innocent lips to pray, 'Lead us not into temptation, +but deliver us from evil;' and yet, somehow, I've been longing to +give him to his father, who is--who is--" she almost choked, till +at last she cried sharp out, "Oh, my God! I do believe Leonard's +father is a bad man, and yet, oh! pitiful God, I love him; I cannot +forget--I cannot!" + +She threw her body half out of the window into the cold night air. +The wind was rising, and came in great gusts. The rain beat down on +her. It did her good. A still, calm night would not have soothed her +as this did. The wild tattered clouds, hurrying past the moon, gave +her a foolish kind of pleasure that almost made her smile a vacant +smile. The blast-driven rain came on her again, and drenched her hair +through and through. The words "stormy wind fulfilling His word" came +into her mind. + +She sat down on the floor. This time her hands were clasped round her +knees. The uneasy rocking motion was stilled. + +"I wonder if my darling is frightened with this blustering, noisy +wind. I wonder if he is awake." + +And then her thoughts went back to the various times of old, when, +affrighted by the weather--sounds so mysterious in the night--he had +crept into her bed and clung to her, and she had soothed him, and +sweetly awed him into stillness and childlike faith, by telling him +of the goodness and power of God. + +Of a sudden she crept to a chair, and there knelt as in the very +presence of God, hiding her face, at first not speaking a word (for +did He not know her heart), but by-and-by moaning out, amid her sobs +and tears (and now for the first time she wept), + +"Oh, my God, help me, for I am very weak. My God! I pray Thee be my +rock and my strong fortress, for I of myself am nothing. If I ask in +His name, Thou wilt give it me. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray +for strength to do Thy will!" + +She could not think, or, indeed, remember anything but that she +was weak, and God was strong, and "a very present help in time of +trouble;" and the wind rose yet higher, and the house shook and +vibrated as, in measured time, the great and terrible gusts came from +the four quarters of the heavens and blew around it, dying away in +the distance with loud and unearthly wails, which were not utterly +still before the sound of the coming blast was heard like the +trumpets of the vanguard of the Prince of Air. + +There was a knock at the bedroom door--a little, gentle knock, and a +soft child's voice. + +"Mrs Denbigh, may I come in, please? I am so frightened!" + +It was Elizabeth. Ruth calmed her passionate breathing by one hasty +draught of water, and opened the door to the timid girl. + +"Oh, Mrs Denbigh! did you ever hear such a night? I am so frightened! +and Mary sleeps so sound." + +Ruth was too much shaken to be able to speak all at once; but she +took Elizabeth in her arms to reassure her. Elizabeth stood back. + +"Why, how wet you are, Mrs Denbigh! and there's the window open, I do +believe! Oh, how cold it is!" said she, shivering. + +"Get into my bed, dear!" said Ruth. + +"But do come too! The candle gives such a strange light with that +long wick, and, somehow, your face does not look like you. Please, +put the candle out, and come to bed. I am so frightened, and it seems +as if I should be safer if you were by me." + +Ruth shut the window, and went to bed. Elizabeth was all shivering +and quaking. To soothe her, Ruth made a great effort; and spoke of +Leonard and his fears, and, in a low hesitating voice, she spoke of +God's tender mercy, but very humbly, for she feared lest Elizabeth +should think her better and holier than she was. The little girl was +soon asleep, her fears forgotten; and Ruth, worn out by passionate +emotion, and obliged to be still for fear of awaking her bedfellow, +went off into a short slumber, through the depths of which the echoes +of her waking sobs quivered up. + +When she awoke the grey light of autumnal dawn was in the room. +Elizabeth slept on; but Ruth heard the servants about, and the +early farmyard sounds. After she had recovered from the shock of +consciousness and recollection, she collected her thoughts with a +stern calmness. He was here. In a few hours she must meet him. There +was no escape, except through subterfuges and contrivances that were +both false and cowardly. How it would all turn out she could not say, +or even guess. But of one thing she was clear, and to one thing she +would hold fast: that was, that, come what might, she would obey +God's law, and, be the end of all what it might, she would say, "Thy +will be done!" She only asked for strength enough to do this when +the time came. How the time would come--what speech or action would +be requisite on her part, she did not know--she did not even try to +conjecture. She left that in His hands. + +She was icy cold, but very calm, when the breakfast-bell rang. She +went down immediately; because she felt that there was less chance +of a recognition if she were already at her place beside the tea-urn, +and busied with the cups, than if she came in after all were settled. +Her heart seemed to stand still, but she felt almost a strange +exultant sense of power over herself. She felt, rather than saw, +that he was not there. Mr Bradshaw and Mr Hickson were, and so +busy talking election-politics that they did not interrupt their +conversation even when they bowed to her. Her pupils sat one on each +side of her. Before they were quite settled, and while the other two +gentlemen yet hung over the fire, Mr Donne came in. Ruth felt as if +that moment was like death. She had a kind of desire to make some +sharp sound, to relieve a choking sensation, but it was over in an +instant, and she sat on very composed and silent--to all outward +appearance the very model of a governess who knew her place. And +by-and-by she felt strangely at ease in her sense of power. She could +even listen to what was being said. She had never dared as yet to +look at Mr Donne, though her heart burnt to see him once again. He +sounded changed. The voice had lost its fresh and youthful eagerness +of tone, though in peculiarity of modulation it was the same. It +could never be mistaken for the voice of another person. There was a +good deal said at that breakfast, for none seemed inclined to hurry, +although it was Sunday morning. Ruth was compelled to sit there, and +it was good for her that she did. That half-hour seemed to separate +the present Mr Donne very effectively from her imagination of what Mr +Bellingham had been. She was no analyser; she hardly even had learnt +to notice character; but she felt there was some strange difference +between the people she had lived with lately and the man who now +leant back in his chair, listening in a careless manner to the +conversation, but never joining in, or expressing any interest in it, +unless it somewhere, or somehow, touched himself. Now, Mr Bradshaw +always threw himself into a subject; it might be in a pompous, +dogmatic sort of way, but he did do it, whether it related to himself +or not; and it was part of Mr Hickson's trade to assume an interest +if he felt it not. But Mr Donne did neither the one nor the other. +When the other two were talking of many of the topics of the day, he +put his glass in his eye, the better to examine into the exact nature +of a cold game-pie at the other side of the table. Suddenly Ruth +felt that his attention was caught by her. Until now, seeing his +short-sightedness, she had believed herself safe; now her face +flushed with a painful, miserable blush. But in an instant she was +strong and quiet. She looked up straight at his face; and, as if this +action took him aback, he dropped his glass, and began eating away +with great diligence. She had seen him. He was changed, she knew +not how. In fact, the expression, which had been only occasional +formerly, when his worse self predominated, had become permanent. He +looked restless and dissatisfied. But he was very handsome still; +and her quick eye had recognised, with a sort of strange pride, that +the eyes and mouth were like Leonard's. Although perplexed by the +straightforward, brave look she had sent right at him, he was not +entirely baffled. He thought this Mrs Denbigh was certainly like +poor Ruth; but this woman was far handsomer. Her face was positively +Greek; and then such a proud, superb turn of her head; quite queenly! +A governess in Mr Bradshaw's family! Why, she might be a Percy or +a Howard for the grandeur of her grace! Poor Ruth! This woman's +hair was darker, though; and she had less colour; altogether a more +refined-looking person. Poor Ruth! and, for the first time for +several years, he wondered what had become of her; though, of course, +there was but one thing that could have happened, and perhaps it was +as well he did not know her end, for most likely it would have made +him very uncomfortable. He leant back in his chair, and, unobserved +(for he would not have thought it gentlemanly to look so fixedly at +her if she or any one noticed him), he put up his glass again. She +was speaking to one of her pupils, and did not see him. + +By Jove! it must be she, though! There were little dimples came out +about the mouth as she spoke, just like those he used to admire +so much in Ruth, and which he had never seen in any one else--the +sunshine without the positive movement of a smile. The longer he +looked the more he was convinced; and it was with a jerk that he +recovered himself enough to answer Mr Bradshaw's question, whether he +wished to go to church or not. + +"Church? how far--a mile? No; I think I shall perform my devotions at +home to-day." + +He absolutely felt jealous when Mr Hickson sprang up to open the door +as Ruth and her pupils left the room. He was pleased to feel jealous +again. He had been really afraid he was too much "used-up" for such +sensations. But Hickson must keep his place. What he was paid for was +doing the talking to the electors, not paying attention to the ladies +in their families. Mr Donne had noticed that Mr Hickson had tried to +be gallant to Miss Bradshaw; let him, if he liked; but let him beware +how he behaved to this fair creature, Ruth or no Ruth. It certainly +was Ruth; only how the devil had she played her cards so well as to +be the governess--the respected governess, in such a family as Mr +Bradshaw's? + +Mr Donne's movements were evidently to be the guide of Mr Hickson's. +Mr Bradshaw always disliked going to church, partly from principle, +partly because he never could find the places in the Prayer-book. Mr +Donne was in the drawing-room as Mary came down ready equipped; he +was turning over the leaves of the large and handsome Bible. Seeing +Mary, he was struck with a new idea. + +"How singular it is," said he, "that the name of Ruth is so seldom +chosen by those good people who go to the Bible before they christen +their children. It is a pretty name, I think." + +Mr Bradshaw looked up. "Why, Mary!" said he, "is not that Mrs +Denbigh's name?" + +"Yes, papa," replied Mary, eagerly; "and I know two other Ruths; +there's Ruth Brown here, and Ruth Macartney at Eccleston." + +"And I have an aunt called Ruth, Mr Donne! I don't think your +observation holds good. Besides my daughters' governess, I know three +other Ruths." + +"Oh! I have no doubt I was wrong. It was just a speech of which one +perceives the folly the moment it is made." + +But, secretly, he rejoiced with a fierce joy over the success of his +device. + +Elizabeth came to summon Mary. + +Ruth was glad when she got into the open air, and away from the +house. Two hours were gone and over. Two out of a day, a day and a +half--for it might be late on Monday morning before the Eccleston +party returned. + +She felt weak and trembling in body, but strong in power over +herself. They had left the house in good time for church, so they +needed not to hurry; and they went leisurely along the road, now and +then passing some country person whom they knew, and with whom they +exchanged a kindly, placid greeting. But presently, to Ruth's dismay, +she heard a step behind, coming at a rapid pace, a peculiar clank +of rather high-heeled boots, which gave a springy sound to the walk, +that she had known well long ago. It was like a nightmare, where the +Evil dreaded is never avoided, never completely shunned, but is by +one's side at the very moment of triumph in escape. There he was by +her side; and there was a quarter of a mile intervening between her +and the church; but even yet she trusted that he had not recognised +her. + +"I have changed my mind, you see," said he, quietly. "I have some +curiosity to see the architecture of the church; some of these old +country churches have singular bits about them. Mr Bradshaw kindly +directed me part of the way, but I was so much puzzled by 'turns to +the right,' and 'turns to the left,' that I was quite glad to espy +your party." + +That speech required no positive answer of any kind; and no answer +did it receive. He had not expected a reply. He knew, if she were +Ruth, she could not answer any indifferent words of his; and her +silence made him more certain of her identity with the lady by his +side. + +"The scenery here is of a kind new to me; neither grand, wild, nor +yet marked by high cultivation; and yet it has great charms. It +reminds me of some parts of Wales." He breathed deeply, and then +added, "You have been in Wales, I believe?" + +He spoke low; almost in a whisper. The little church-bell began to +call the lagging people with its quick, sharp summons. Ruth writhed +in body and spirit, but struggled on. The church-door would be gained +at last; and in that holy place she would find peace. + +He repeated in a louder tone, so as to compel an answer in order to +conceal her agitation from the girls: + +"Have you never been in Wales?" He used "never" instead of "ever," +and laid the emphasis on that word, in order to mark his meaning to +Ruth, and Ruth only. But he drove her to bay. + +"I have been in Wales, sir," she replied, in a calm, grave tone. "I +was there many years ago. Events took place there, which contribute +to make the recollection of that time most miserable to me. I shall +be obliged to you, sir, if you will make no further reference to it." + +The little girls wondered how Mrs Denbigh could speak in such a +tone of quiet authority to Mr Donne, who was almost a member of +Parliament. But they settled that her husband must have died in +Wales, and, of course, that would make the recollection of the +country "most miserable," as she said. + +Mr Donne did not dislike the answer, and he positively admired the +dignity with which she spoke. His leaving her as he did must have +made her very miserable; and he liked the pride that made her retain +her indignation, until he could speak to her in private, and explain +away a good deal of what she might complain of with some justice. + +The church was reached. They all went up the middle aisle into the +Eagle's Crag pew. He followed them in, entered himself, and shut the +door. Ruth's heart sank as she saw him there; just opposite to her; +coming between her and the clergyman who was to read out the Word of +God. It was merciless--it was cruel to haunt her there. She durst +not lift her eyes to the bright eastern light--she could not see how +peacefully the marble images of the dead lay on their tombs, for he +was between her and all Light and Peace. She knew that his look was +on her; that he never turned his glance away. She could not join in +the prayer for the remission of sins while he was there, for his very +presence seemed as a sign that their stain would never be washed out +of her life. But, although goaded and chafed by her thoughts and +recollections, she kept very still. No sign of emotion, no flush of +colour was on her face as he looked at her. Elizabeth could not find +her place, and then Ruth breathed once, long and deeply, as she moved +up the pew, and out of the straight, burning glance of those eyes of +evil meaning. When they sat down for the reading of the first lesson, +Ruth turned the corner of the seat so as no longer to be opposite to +him. She could not listen. The words seemed to be uttered in some +world far away, from which she was exiled and cast out; their sound, +and yet more their meaning, was dim and distant. But in this extreme +tension of mind to hold in her bewildered agony, it so happened that +one of her senses was preternaturally acute. While all the church +and the people swam in misty haze, one point in a dark corner grew +clearer and clearer till she saw (what at another time she could not +have discerned at all) a face--a gargoyle I think they call it--at +the end of the arch next to the narrowing of the nave into the +chancel, and in the shadow of that contraction. The face was +beautiful in feature (the next to it was a grinning monkey), but it +was not the features that were the most striking part. There was a +half-open mouth, not in any way distorted out of its exquisite beauty +by the intense expression of suffering it conveyed. Any distortion of +the face by mental agony implies that a struggle with circumstance is +going on. But in this face, if such struggle had been, it was over +now. Circumstance had conquered; and there was no hope from mortal +endeavour, or help from mortal creature to be had. But the eyes +looked onward and upward to the "Hills from whence cometh our help." +And though the parted lips seemed ready to quiver with agony, yet +the expression of the whole face, owing to these strange, stony, +and yet spiritual eyes, was high and consoling. If mortal gaze had +never sought its meaning before, in the deep shadow where it had +been placed long centuries ago, yet Ruth's did now. Who could have +imagined such a look? Who could have witnessed--perhaps felt--such +infinite sorrow, and yet dared to lift it up by Faith into a peace +so pure? Or was it a mere conception? If so, what a soul the unknown +carver must have had! for creator and handicraftsman must have been +one; no two minds could have been in such perfect harmony. Whatever +it was--however it came there--imaginer, carver, sufferer, all +were long passed away. Human art was ended--human life done--human +suffering over; but this remained; it stilled Ruth's beating heart +to look on it. She grew still enough to hear words which have come +to many in their time of need, and awed them in the presence of the +extremest suffering that the hushed world has ever heard of. + +The second lesson for the morning of the 25th of September is the +26th chapter of St Matthew's Gospel. + +And when they prayed again, Ruth's tongue was unloosed, and she also +could pray, in His name, who underwent the agony in the garden. + +As they came out of church, there was a little pause and gathering at +the door. It had begun to rain; those who had umbrellas were putting +them up; those who had not were regretting, and wondering how long +it would last. Standing for a moment, impeded by the people who were +thus collected under the porch, Ruth heard a voice close to her say, +very low, but very distinctly, + +"I have much to say to you--much to explain. I entreat you to give me +the opportunity." + +Ruth did not reply. She would not acknowledge that she heard; but +she trembled nevertheless, for the well-remembered voice was low and +soft, and had yet its power to thrill. She earnestly desired to know +why and how he had left her. It appeared to her as if that knowledge +could alone give her a relief from the restless wondering that +distracted her mind, and that one explanation could do no harm. + +"_No!_" the higher spirit made answer; "_it must not be._" + +Ruth and the girls had each an umbrella. She turned to Mary, and +said, + +"Mary, give your umbrella to Mr Donne, and come under mine." Her way +of speaking was short and decided; she was compressing her meaning +into as few words as possible. The little girl obeyed in silence. As +they went first through the churchyard stile, Mr Donne spoke again. + +"You are unforgiving," said he. "I only ask you to hear me. I have a +right to be heard, Ruth! I won't believe you are so much changed, as +not to listen to me when I entreat." + +He spoke in a tone of soft complaint. But he himself had done much +to destroy the illusion which had hung about his memory for years, +whenever Ruth had allowed herself to think of it. Besides which, +during the time of her residence in the Benson family, her feeling of +what people ought to be had been unconsciously raised and refined; +and Mr Donne, even while she had to struggle against the force of +past recollections, repelled her so much by what he was at present, +that every speech of his, every minute they were together, served +to make her path more and more easy to follow. His voice retained +something of its former influence. When he spoke, without her seeing +him, she could not help remembering former days. + +She did not answer this last speech any more than the first. She +saw clearly, that, putting aside all thought as to the character of +their former relationship, it had been dissolved by his will--his +act and deed; and that, therefore, the power to refuse any further +intercourse whatsoever remained with her. + +It sometimes seems a little strange how, after having earnestly +prayed to be delivered from temptation, and having given ourselves +with shut eyes into God's hand, from that time every thought, every +outward influence, every acknowledged law of life, seems to lead us +on from strength to strength. It seems strange sometimes, because +we notice the coincidence; but it is the natural, unavoidable +consequence of all truth and goodness being one and the same, and +therefore carried out in every circumstance, external and internal, +of God's creation. + +When Mr Donne saw that Ruth would not answer him, he became only the +more determined that she should hear what he had to say. What that +was he did not exactly know. The whole affair was most mysterious and +piquant. + +The umbrella protected Ruth from more than the rain on that walk +homewards, for under its shelter she could not be spoken to unheard. +She had not rightly understood at what time she and the girls were to +dine. From the gathering at meal-times she must not shrink. She must +show no sign of weakness. But, oh! the relief, after that walk, to +sit in her own room, locked up, so that neither Mary nor Elizabeth +could come by surprise, and to let her weary frame (weary with being +so long braced up to rigidity and stiff quiet) fall into a chair +anyhow--all helpless, nerveless, motionless, as if the very bones had +melted out of her! + +The peaceful rest which her mind took was in thinking of Leonard. +She dared not look before or behind, but she could see him well +at present. She brooded over the thought of him, till she dreaded +his father more and more. By the light of her child's purity and +innocence, she saw evil clearly, and yet more clearly. She thought +that, if Leonard ever came to know the nature of his birth, she +had nothing for it but to die out of his sight. He could never +know--human heart could never know, her ignorant innocence, and all +the small circumstances which had impelled her onwards. But God knew. +And if Leonard heard of his mother's error, why, nothing remained +but death; for she felt, then, as if she had it in her power to die +innocently out of such future agony; but that escape is not so easy. +Suddenly a fresh thought came, and she prayed that, through whatever +suffering, she might be purified. Whatever trials, woes, measureless +pangs, God might see fit to chastise her with, she would not shrink, +if only at last she might come into His presence in Heaven. Alas! +the shrinking from suffering we cannot help. That part of her prayer +was vain. And as for the rest, was not the sure justice of His law +finding her out even now? His laws once broken, His justice and the +very nature of those laws bring the immutable retribution; but if we +turn penitently to Him, He enables us to bear our punishment with a +meek and docile heart, "for His mercy endureth for ever." + +Mr Bradshaw had felt himself rather wanting in proper attention +to his guest, inasmuch as he had been unable, all in a minute, to +comprehend Mr Donne's rapid change of purpose; and, before it had +entered into his mind that, notwithstanding the distance of the +church, Mr Donne was going thither, that gentleman was out of the +sight, and far out of the reach, of his burly host. But though the +latter had so far neglected the duties of hospitality as to allow +his visitor to sit in the Eagle's Crag pew with no other guard of +honour than the children and the governess, Mr Bradshaw determined +to make up for it by extra attention during the remainder of the day. +Accordingly he never left Mr Donne. Whatever wish that gentleman +expressed, it was the study of his host to gratify. Did he hint at +the pleasure which a walk in such beautiful scenery would give him, +Mr Bradshaw was willing to accompany him, although at Eccleston it +was a principle with him not to take any walks for pleasure on a +Sunday. When Mr Donne turned round, and recollected letters which +must be written, and which would compel him to stay at home, Mr +Bradshaw instantly gave up the walk, and remained at hand, ready to +furnish him with any writing-materials which could be wanted, and +which were not laid out in the half-furnished house. Nobody knew +where Mr Hickson was all this time. He had sauntered out after Mr +Donne, when the latter set off for church, and he had never returned. +Mr Donne kept wondering if he could have met Ruth--if, in fact, she +had gone out with her pupils, now that the afternoon had cleared +up. This uneasy wonder, and a few mental imprecations on his host's +polite attention, together with the letter-writing pretence, passed +away the afternoon--the longest afternoon he had ever spent; and +of weariness he had had his share. Lunch was lingering in the +dining-room, left there for the truant Mr Hickson; but of the +children or Ruth there was no sign. He ventured on a distant inquiry +as to their whereabouts. + +"They dine early; they are gone to church again. Mrs Denbigh was a +member of the Establishment once; and, though she attends chapel at +home, she seems glad to have an opportunity of going to church." + +Mr Donne was on the point of asking some further questions about "Mrs +Denbigh," when Mr Hickson came in, loud-spoken, cheerful, hungry, and +as ready to talk about his ramble, and the way in which he had lost +and found himself, as he was about everything else. He knew how to +dress up the commonest occurrence with a little exaggeration, a few +puns, and a happy quotation or two, so as to make it sound very +agreeable. He could read faces, and saw that he had been missed; +both host and visitor looked moped to death. He determined to devote +himself to their amusement during the remainder of the day, for he +had really lost himself, and felt that he had been away too long on a +dull Sunday, when people were apt to get hypped if not well amused. + +"It is really a shame to be indoors in such a place. Rain? yes, it +rained some hours ago, but now it is splendid weather. I feel myself +quite qualified for guide, I assure you. I can show you all the +beauties of the neighbourhood, and throw in a bog and a nest of +vipers to boot." + +Mr Donne languidly assented to this proposal of going out; and then +he became restless until Mr Hickson had eaten a hasty lunch, for he +hoped to meet Ruth on the way from church, to be near her, and watch +her, though he might not be able to speak to her. To have the slow +hours roll away--to know he must leave the next day--and yet, so +close to her, not to be seeing her--was more than he could bear. In +an impetuous kind of way, he disregarded all Mr Hickson's offers of +guidance to lovely views, and turned a deaf ear to Mr Bradshaw's +expressed wish of showing him the land belonging to the house ("very +little for fourteen thousand pounds"), and set off wilfully on the +road leading to the church, from which, he averred, he had seen a +view which nothing else about the place could equal. + +They met the country people dropping homewards. No Ruth was there. +She and her pupils had returned by the field-way, as Mr Bradshaw +informed his guests at dinner-time. Mr Donne was very captious +all through dinner. He thought it would never be over, and cursed +Hickson's interminable stories, which were told on purpose to +amuse him. His heart gave a fierce bound when he saw her in the +drawing-room with the little girls. + +She was reading to them--with how sick and trembling a heart, no +words can tell. But she could master and keep down outward signs of +her emotion. An hour more to-night (part of which was to be spent in +family prayer, and all in the safety of company), another hour in the +morning (when all would be engaged in the bustle of departure)--if, +during this short space of time, she could not avoid speaking to him, +she could at least keep him at such a distance as to make him feel +that henceforward her world and his belonged to separate systems, +wide as the heavens apart. + +By degrees she felt that he was drawing near to where she stood. +He was by the table examining the books that lay upon it. Mary and +Elizabeth drew off a little space, awe-stricken by the future member +for Eccleston. As he bent his head over a book, he said, "I implore +you; five minutes alone." + +The little girls could not hear; but Ruth, hemmed in so that no +escape was possible, did hear. + +She took sudden courage, and said, in a clear voice, + +"Will you read the whole passage aloud? I do not remember it." + +Mr Hickson, hovering at no great distance, heard these words, and +drew near to second Mrs Denbigh's request. Mr Bradshaw, who was very +sleepy after his unusually late dinner, and longing for bedtime, +joined in the request, for it would save the necessity for making +talk, and he might, perhaps, get in a nap, undisturbed and unnoticed, +before the servants came in to prayers. + +Mr Donne was caught; he was obliged to read aloud, although he did +not know what he was reading. In the middle of some sentence the +door opened, a rush of servants came in, and Mr Bradshaw became +particularly wide awake in an instant, and read them a long sermon +with great emphasis and unction, winding up with a prayer almost as +long. + +Ruth sat with her head drooping, more from exhaustion after a season +of effort than because she shunned Mr Donne's looks. He had so lost +his power over her--his power, which had stirred her so deeply the +night before--that, except as one knowing her error and her shame, +and making a cruel use of such knowledge, she had quite separated him +from the idol of her youth. And yet, for the sake of that first and +only love, she would gladly have known what explanation he could +offer to account for leaving her. It would have been something gained +to her own self-respect, if she had learnt that he was not then, as +she felt him to be now, cold and egotistical, caring for no one and +nothing but what related to himself. + +Home, and Leonard--how strangely peaceful the two seemed! Oh, for the +rest that a dream about Leonard would bring! + +Mary and Elizabeth went to bed immediately after prayers, and Ruth +accompanied them. It was planned that the gentlemen should leave +early the next morning. They were to breakfast half an hour sooner, +to catch the railway train; and this by Mr Donne's own arrangement, +who had been as eager about his canvassing, the week before, as it +was possible for him to be, but who now wished Eccleston and the +Dissenting interest therein very fervently at the devil. + +Just as the carriage came round, Mr Bradshaw turned to Ruth: "Any +message for Leonard beyond love, which is a matter of course?" + +Ruth gasped--for she saw Mr Donne catch at the name; she did not +guess the sudden sharp jealousy called out by the idea that Leonard +was a grown-up man. + +"Who is Leonard?" said he to the little girl standing by him; he did +not know which she was. + +"Mrs Denbigh's little boy," answered Mary. + +Under some pretence or other, he drew near to Ruth; and in that low +voice, which she had learnt to loathe, he said, + +"Our child!" + +By the white misery that turned her face to stone--by the wild terror +in her imploring eyes--by the gasping breath which came out as the +carriage drove away--he knew that he had seized the spell to make her +listen at last. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV + +The Meeting on the Sands + + +"He will take him away from me! He will take the child from me!" + +These words rang like a tolling bell through Ruth's head. It seemed +to her that her doom was certain. Leonard would be taken from her! +She had a firm conviction--not the less firm because she knew not on +what it was based--that a child, whether legitimate or not, belonged +of legal right to the father. And Leonard, of all children, was the +prince and monarch. Every man's heart would long to call Leonard +"Child!" She had been too strongly taxed to have much power left +her to reason coolly and dispassionately, just then, even if she had +been with any one who could furnish her with information from which +to draw correct conclusions. The one thought haunted her night and +day--"He will take my child away from me!" In her dreams she saw +Leonard borne away into some dim land, to which she could not follow. +Sometimes he sat in a swiftly-moving carriage, at his father's side, +and smiled on her as he passed by, as if going to promised pleasure. +At another time he was struggling to return to her; stretching out +his little arms, and crying to her for the help she could not give. +How she got through the days, she did not know; her body moved about +and habitually acted, but her spirit was with her child. She thought +often of writing and warning Mr Benson of Leonard's danger; but then +she shrank from recurring to circumstances, all mention of which had +ceased years ago; the very recollection of which seemed buried deep +for ever. Besides, she feared occasioning discord or commotion in the +quiet circle in which she lived. Mr Benson's deep anger against her +betrayer had been shown too clearly in the old time to allow her to +think that he would keep it down without expression now. He would +cease to do anything to forward his election; he would oppose him +as much as he could; and Mr Bradshaw would be angry, and a storm +would arise, from the bare thought of which Ruth shrank with the +cowardliness of a person thoroughly worn out with late contest. She +was bodily wearied with her spiritual buffeting. + +One morning, three or four days after their departure, she received a +letter from Miss Benson. She could not open it at first, and put it +on one side, clenching her hand over it all the time. At last she +tore it open. Leonard was safe as yet. There were a few lines in his +great round hand, speaking of events no larger than the loss of a +beautiful "alley." There was a sheet from Miss Benson. She always +wrote letters in the manner of a diary. "Monday we did so-and-so; +Tuesday, so-and-so, &c." Ruth glanced rapidly down the page. Yes, +here it was! Sick, fluttering heart, be still! + +"In the middle of the damsons, when they were just on the fire, there +was a knock at the door. My brother was out, and Sally was washing +up, and I was stirring the preserve with my great apron and bib on; +so I bade Leonard come in from the garden and open the door. But I +would have washed his face first, if I had known who it was! It was +Mr Bradshaw and the Mr Donne that they hope to send up to the House +of Commons, as member of Parliament for Eccleston, and another +gentleman, whose name I never heard. They had come canvassing; and +when they found my brother was out, they asked Leonard if they could +see me. The child said, 'Yes! if I could leave the damsons;' and +straightway came to call me, leaving them standing in the passage. I +whipped off my apron, and took Leonard by the hand, for I fancied I +should feel less awkward if he was with me; and then I went and asked +them all into the study, for I thought I should like them to see how +many books Thurstan had got. Then they began talking politics at me +in a very polite manner, only I could not make head or tail of what +they meant; and Mr Donne took a deal of notice of Leonard, and called +him to him; and I am sure he noticed what a noble, handsome boy he +was, though his face was very brown and red, and hot with digging, +and his curls all tangled. Leonard talked back as if he had known him +all his life, till, I think, Mr Bradshaw thought he was making too +much noise, and bid him remember he ought to be seen, not heard. So +he stood as still and stiff as a soldier, close to Mr Donne; and as +I could not help looking at the two, and thinking how handsome they +both were in their different ways, I could not tell Thurstan half the +messages the gentlemen left for him. But there was one thing more I +must tell you, though I said I would not. When Mr Donne was talking +to Leonard, he took off his watch and chain and put it round the +boy's neck, who was pleased enough, you may be sure. I bade him give +it back to the gentleman, when they were all going away; and I was +quite surprised, and very uncomfortable, when Mr Donne said he had +given it to Leonard, and that he was to keep it for his own. I could +see Mr Bradshaw was annoyed, and he and the other gentleman spoke to +Mr Donne, and I heard them say, 'too barefaced;' and I shall never +forget Mr Donne's proud, stubborn look back at them, nor his way of +saying, 'I allow no one to interfere with what I choose to do with my +own.' And he looked so haughty and displeased, I durst say nothing +at the time. But when I told Thurstan, he was very grieved and angry; +and said he had heard that our party were bribing, but that he never +could have thought they would have tried to do it at his house. +Thurstan is very much out of spirits about this election altogether; +and, indeed, it does make sad work up and down the town. However, he +sent back the watch with a letter to Mr Bradshaw; and Leonard was +very good about it, so I gave him a taste of the new damson-preserve +on his bread for supper." + +Although a stranger might have considered this letter wearisome +from the multiplicity of the details, Ruth craved greedily after +more. What had Mr Donne said to Leonard? Had Leonard liked his new +acquaintance? Were they likely to meet again? After wondering and +wondering over these points, Ruth composed herself by the hope that +in a day or two she should hear again; and to secure this end, she +answered the letters by return of post. That was on Thursday. On +Friday she had another letter, in a strange hand. It was from Mr +Donne. No name, no initials were given. If it had fallen into another +person's hands, they could not have recognised the writer, nor +guessed to whom it was sent. It contained simply these words: + +"For our child's sake, and in his name, I summon you to appoint a +place where I can speak, and you can listen, undisturbed. The time +must be on Sunday; the limit of distance may be the circumference of +your power of walking. My words may be commands, but my fond heart +entreats. More I shall not say now, but, remember! your boy's welfare +depends on your acceding to this request. Address B. D., Post-Office, +Eccleston." + +Ruth did not attempt to answer this letter till the last five minutes +before the post went out. She could not decide until forced to it. +Either way she dreaded. She was very nearly leaving the letter +altogether unanswered. But suddenly she resolved she would know all, +the best, the worst. No cowardly dread of herself, or of others, +should make her neglect aught that came to her in her child's name. +She took up a pen and wrote: + +"The sands below the rocks, where we met you the other night. Time, +afternoon church." + +Sunday came. + +"I shall not go to church this afternoon. You know the way, of +course; and I can trust you to go steadily by yourselves." + +When they came to kiss her before leaving her, according to their +fond wont, they were struck by the coldness of her face and lips. + +"Are you not well, dear Mrs Denbigh? How cold you are!" + +"Yes, darling! I am well;" and tears sprang into her eyes as she +looked at their anxious little faces. "Go now, dears. Five o'clock +will soon be here, and then we will have tea." + +"And that will warm you!" said they, leaving the room. + +"And then it will be over," she murmured--"over." + +It never came into her head to watch the girls as they disappeared +down the lane on their way to church. She knew them too well to +distrust their doing what they were told. She sat still, her head +bowed on her arms for a few minutes, and then rose up and went to put +on her walking things. Some thoughts impelled her to sudden haste. +She crossed the field by the side of the house, ran down the steep +and rocky path, and was carried by the impetus of her descent far +out on the level sands--but not far enough for her intent. Without +looking to the right hand or to the left, where comers might be +seen, she went forwards to the black posts, which, rising above the +heaving waters, marked where the fishermen's nets were laid. She went +straight towards this place, and hardly stinted her pace even where +the wet sands were glittering with the receding waves. Once there, +she turned round, and in a darting glance, saw that as yet no one +was near. She was perhaps half-a-mile or more from the grey, silvery +rocks, which sloped away into brown moorland, interspersed with a +field here and there of golden, waving corn. Behind were purple +hills, with sharp, clear outlines, touching the sky. A little on one +side from where she stood, she saw the white cottages and houses +which formed the village of Abermouth, scattered up and down, and, on +a windy hill, about a mile inland, she saw the little grey church, +where even now many were worshipping in peace. + +"Pray for me!" she sighed out, as this object caught her eye. + +And now, close under the heathery fields, where they fell softly down +and touched the sands, she saw a figure moving in the direction of +the great shadow made by the rocks--going towards the very point +where the path from Eagle's Crag came down to the shore. + +"It is he!" said she to herself. And she turned round and looked +seaward. The tide had turned; the waves were slowly receding, as +if loath to lose the hold they had, so lately, and with such swift +bounds, gained on the yellow sands. The eternal moan they have made +since the world began filled the ear, broken only by the skirl of the +grey sea-birds as they alighted in groups on the edge of the waters, +or as they rose up with their measured, balancing motion, and the +sunlight caught their white breasts. There was no sign of human life +to be seen; no boat, or distant sail, or near shrimper. The black +posts there were all that spoke of men's work or labour. Beyond a +stretch of the waters, a few pale grey hills showed like films; their +summits clear, though faint, their bases lost in a vapoury mist. + +On the hard, echoing sands, and distinct from the ceaseless murmur of +the salt sea waves, came footsteps--nearer--nearer. Very near they +were when Ruth, unwilling to show the fear that rioted in her heart, +turned round, and faced Mr Donne. + +He came forward, with both hands extended. + +"This is kind! my own Ruth," said he. Ruth's arms hung down +motionless at her sides. + +"What! Ruth, have you no word for me?" + +"I have nothing to say," said Ruth. + +"Why, you little revengeful creature! And so I am to explain all +before you will even treat me with decent civility." + +"I do not want explanations," said Ruth, in a trembling tone. "We +must not speak of the past. You asked me to come in Leonard's--in my +child's name, and to hear what you had to say about him." + +"But what I have to say about him relates to you even more. And how +can we talk about him without recurring to the past? That past, which +you try to ignore--I know you cannot do it in your heart--is full of +happy recollections to me. Were you not happy in Wales?" he said, in +his tenderest tone. + +But there was no answer; not even one faint sigh, though he listened +intently. + +"You dare not speak; you dare not answer me. Your heart will not +allow you to prevaricate, and you know you were happy." + +Suddenly Ruth's beautiful eyes were raised to him, full of lucid +splendour, but grave and serious in their expression; and her cheeks, +heretofore so faintly tinged with the tenderest blush, flashed into a +ruddy glow. + +"I was happy. I do not deny it. Whatever comes, I will not blench +from the truth. I have answered you." + +"And yet," replied he, secretly exulting in her admission, and not +perceiving the inner strength of which she must have been conscious +before she would have dared to make it--"and yet, Ruth, we are not +to recur to the past! Why not? If it was happy at the time, is the +recollection of it so miserable to you?" + +He tried once more to take her hand, but she quietly stepped back. + +"I came to hear what you had to say about my child," said she, +beginning to feel very weary. + +"_Our_ child, Ruth." + +She drew herself up, and her face went very pale. + +"What have you to say about him?" asked she, coldly. + +"Much," exclaimed he--"much that may affect his whole life. But it +all depends upon whether you will hear me or not." + +"I listen." + +"Good Heavens! Ruth, you will drive me mad. Oh! what a changed person +you are from the sweet, loving creature you were! I wish you were not +so beautiful." She did not reply, but he caught a deep, involuntary +sigh. + +"Will you hear me if I speak, though I may not begin all at once +to talk of this boy--a boy of whom any mother--any parent, might +be proud? I could see that, Ruth. I have seen him; he looked like +a prince in that cramped, miserable house, and with no earthly +advantages. It is a shame he should not have every kind of +opportunity laid open before him." + +There was no sign of maternal ambition on the motionless face, though +there might be some little spring in her heart, as it beat quick and +strong at the idea of the proposal she imagined he was going to make +of taking her boy away to give him the careful education she had +often craved for him. She should refuse it, as she would everything +else which seemed to imply that she acknowledged a claim over +Leonard; but yet sometimes, for her boy's sake, she had longed for a +larger opening--a more extended sphere. + +"Ruth! you acknowledge we were happy once;--there were circumstances +which, if I could tell you them all in detail, would show you how +in my weak, convalescent state I was almost passive in the hands of +others. Ah, Ruth! I have not forgotten the tender nurse who soothed +me in my delirium. When I am feverish, I dream that I am again at +Llan-dhu, in the little old bed-chamber, and you, in white--which you +always wore then, you know--flitting about me." + +The tears dropped, large and round, from Ruth's eyes--she could not +help it--how could she? + +"We were happy then," continued he, gaining confidence from the sight +of her melted mood, and recurring once more to the admission which he +considered so much in his favour. "Can such happiness never return?" +Thus he went on, quickly, anxious to lay before her all he had to +offer, before she should fully understand his meaning. + +"If you would consent, Leonard should be always with you--educated +where and how you liked--money to any amount you might choose to name +should be secured to you and him--if only, Ruth--if only those happy +days might return." + +Ruth spoke. + +"I said that I was happy, because I had asked God to protect and help +me--and I dared not tell a lie. I was happy. Oh! what is happiness or +misery that we should talk about them now?" + +Mr Donne looked at her, as she uttered these words, to see if she +was wandering in her mind, they seemed to him so utterly strange and +incoherent. + +"I dare not think of happiness--I must not look forward to sorrow. +God did not put me here to consider either of these things." + +"My dear Ruth, compose yourself! There is no hurry in answering the +question I asked." + +"What was it?" said Ruth. + +"I love you so, I cannot live without you. I offer you my heart, my +life--I offer to place Leonard wherever you would have him placed. I +have the power and the means to advance him in any path of life you +choose. All who have shown kindness to you shall be rewarded by me, +with a gratitude even surpassing your own. If there is anything else +I can do that you can suggest, I will do it." + +"Listen to me!" said Ruth, now that the idea of what he proposed had +entered her mind. "When I said that I was happy with you long ago, I +was choked with shame as I said it. And yet it may be a vain, false +excuse that I make for myself. I was very young; I did not know how +such a life was against God's pure and holy will--at least, not as I +know it now; and I tell you truth--all the days of my years since I +have gone about with a stain on my hidden soul--a stain which made me +loathe myself, and envy those who stood spotless and undefiled; which +made me shrink from my child--from Mr Benson, from his sister, from +the innocent girls whom I teach--nay, even I have cowered away from +God Himself; and what I did wrong then, I did blindly to what I +should do now if I listened to you." + +She was so strongly agitated that she put her hands over her face, +and sobbed without restraint. Then, taking them away, she looked at +him with a glowing face, and beautiful, honest, wet eyes, and tried +to speak calmly, as she asked if she needed to stay longer (she would +have gone away at once but that she thought of Leonard, and wished to +hear all that his father might have to say). He was so struck anew by +her beauty, and understood her so little, that he believed that she +only required a little more urging to consent to what he wished; for +in all she had said there was no trace of the anger and resentment +for his desertion of her, which he had expected would be a prominent +feature--the greatest obstacle he had to encounter. The deep sense +of penitence she expressed, he mistook for earthly shame; which he +imagined he could soon soothe away. + +"Yes, I have much more to say. I have not said half. I cannot tell +you how fondly I will--how fondly I do love you--how my life shall +be spent in ministering to your wishes. Money, I see--I know, you +despise--" + +"Mr Bellingham! I will not stay to hear you speak to me so again. +I have been sinful, but it is not you who should--" She could not +speak, she was so choking with passionate sorrow. + +He wanted to calm her, as he saw her shaken with repressed sobs. He +put his hand on her arm. She shook it off impatiently, and moved away +in an instant. + +"Ruth!" said he, nettled by her action of repugnance, "I begin to +think you never loved me." + +"I!--I never loved you! Do you dare to say so?" + +Her eyes flamed on him as she spoke. Her red, round lip curled into +beautiful contempt. + +"Why do you shrink so from me?" said he, in his turn getting +impatient. + +"I did not come here to be spoken to in this way," said she. "I came, +if by any chance I could do Leonard good. I would submit to many +humiliations for his sake--but to no more from you." + +"Are not you afraid to brave me so?" said he. "Don't you know how +much you are in my power?" + +She was silent. She longed to go away, but dreaded lest he should +follow her, where she might be less subject to interruption than she +was here--near the fisherman's nets, which the receding tide was +leaving every moment barer and more bare, and the posts they were +fastened to more blackly uprising above the waters. + +Mr Donne put his hands on her arms as they hung down before her--her +hands tightly clasped together. + +"Ask me to let you go," said he. "I will, if you will ask me." He +looked very fierce and passionate and determined. The vehemence of +his action took Ruth by surprise, and the painful tightness of the +grasp almost made her exclaim. But she was quite still and mute. + +"Ask me," said he, giving her a little shake. She did not speak. Her +eyes, fixed on the distant shore, were slowly filling with tears. +Suddenly a light came through the mist that obscured them, and the +shut lips parted. She saw some distant object that gave her hope. + +"It is Stephen Bromley," said she. "He is coming to his nets. They +say he is a very desperate, violent man, but he will protect me." + +"You obstinate, wilful creature!" said Mr Donne, releasing his grasp. +"You forget that one word of mine could undeceive all these good +people at Eccleston; and that if I spoke out ever so little, they +would throw you off in an instant. Now!" he continued, "do you +understand how much you are in my power?" + +"Mr and Miss Benson know all--they have not thrown me off," Ruth +gasped out. "Oh! for Leonard's sake! you would not be so cruel." + +"Then do not you be cruel to him--to me. Think once more!" + +"I think once more;" she spoke solemnly. "To save Leonard from the +shame and agony of knowing my disgrace, I would lie down and die. Oh! +perhaps it would be best for him--for me, if I might; my death would +be a stingless grief--but to go back into sin would be the real +cruelty to him. The errors of my youth may be washed away by my +tears--it was so once when the gentle, blessed Christ was upon earth; +but now, if I went into wilful guilt, as you would have me, how could +I teach Leonard God's holy will? I should not mind his knowing my +past sin, compared to the awful corruption it would be if he knew +me living now, as you would have me, lost to all fear of God--" Her +speech was broken by sobs. "Whatever may be my doom--God is just--I +leave myself in His hands. I will save Leonard from evil. Evil +would it be for him if I lived with you. I will let him die first!" +She lifted her eyes to heaven, and clasped and wreathed her hands +together tight. Then she said: "You have humbled me enough, sir. I +shall leave you now." + +She turned away resolutely. The dark, grey fisherman was at hand. Mr +Donne folded his arms, and set his teeth, and looked after her. + +"What a stately step she has! How majestic and graceful all her +attitudes were! She thinks she has baffled me now. We will try +something more, and bid a higher price." He unfolded his arms, and +began to follow her. He gained upon her, for her beautiful walk was +now wavering and unsteady. The works which had kept her in motion +were running down fast. + +"Ruth!" said he, overtaking her. "You shall hear me once more. +Aye, look round! Your fisherman is near. He may hear me, if he +chooses--hear your triumph. I am come to offer to marry you, Ruth; +come what may, I will have you. Nay--I will make you hear me. I will +hold this hand till you have heard me. To-morrow I will speak to +any one in Eccleston you like--to Mr Bradshaw; Mr ----, the little +minister, I mean. We can make it worth while for him to keep our +secret, and no one else need know but what you are really Mrs +Denbigh. Leonard shall still bear this name, but in all things else +he shall be treated as my son. He and you would grace any situation. +I will take care the highest paths are open to him!" + +He looked to see the lovely face brighten into sudden joy; on the +contrary, the head was still hung down with a heavy droop. + +"I cannot," said she; her voice was very faint and low. + +"It is sudden for you, my dearest. But be calm. It will all be easily +managed. Leave it to me." + +"I cannot," repeated she, more distinct and clear, though still very +low. + +"Why! what on earth makes you say that?" asked he, in a mood to be +irritated by any repetition of such words. + +"I do not love you. I did once. Don't say I did not love you then; +but I do not now. I could never love you again. All you have said +and done since you came with Mr Bradshaw to Abermouth first, has +only made me wonder how I ever could have loved you. We are very far +apart. The time that has pressed down my life like brands of hot +iron, and scarred me for ever, has been nothing to you. You have +talked of it with no sound of moaning in your voice--no shadow over +the brightness of your face; it has left no sense of sin on your +conscience, while me it haunts and haunts; and yet I might plead that +I was an ignorant child--only I will not plead anything, for God +knows all-- But this is only one piece of our great difference--" + +"You mean that I am no saint," he said, impatient at her speech. +"Granted. But people who are no saints have made very good +husbands before now. Come, don't let any morbid, overstrained +conscientiousness interfere with substantial happiness--happiness +both to you and to me--for I am sure I can make you happy--aye! and +make you love me, too, in spite of your pretty defiance. I love you +so dearly I must win love back. And here are advantages for Leonard, +to be gained by you quite in a holy and legitimate way." + +She stood very erect. + +"If there was one thing needed to confirm me, you have named it. You +shall have nothing to do with my boy, by my consent, much less by my +agency. I would rather see him working on the roadside than leading +such a life--being such a one as you are. You have heard my mind +now, Mr Bellingham. You have humbled me--you have baited me; and +if at last I have spoken out too harshly, and too much in a spirit +of judgment, the fault is yours. If there were no other reason to +prevent our marriage but the one fact that it would bring Leonard +into contact with you, that would be enough." + +"It is enough!" said he, making her a low bow. "Neither you nor your +child shall ever more be annoyed by me. I wish you a good evening." + +They walked apart--he back to the inn, to set off instantly, while +the blood was hot within him, from the place where he had been so +mortified--she to steady herself along till she reached the little +path, more like a rude staircase than anything else, by which she had +to climb to the house. + +She did not turn round for some time after she was fairly lost to +the sight of any one on the shore; she clambered on, almost stunned +by the rapid beating of her heart. Her eyes were hot and dry; and +at last became as if she were suddenly blind. Unable to go on, she +tottered into the tangled underwood which grew among the stones, +filling every niche and crevice, and little shelving space, with +green and delicate tracery. She sank down behind a great overhanging +rock, which hid her from any one coming up the path. An ash-tree was +rooted in this rock, slanting away from the sea-breezes that were +prevalent in most weathers; but this was a still, autumnal Sabbath +evening. As Ruth's limbs fell, so they lay. She had no strength, no +power of volition to move a finger. She could not think or remember. +She was literally stunned. The first sharp sensation which roused +her from her torpor was a quick desire to see him once more; up she +sprang, and climbed to an out-jutting dizzy point of rock, but a +little above her sheltered nook, yet commanding a wide view over the +bare, naked sands;--far away below, touching the rippling water-line, +was Stephen Bromley, busily gathering in his nets; besides him there +was no living creature visible. Ruth shaded her eyes, as if she +thought they might have deceived her; but no, there was no one there. +She went slowly down to her old place, crying sadly as she went. + +"Oh! if I had not spoken so angrily to him--the last things I said +were so bitter--so reproachful!--and I shall never, never see him +again!" + +She could not take in the general view and scope of their +conversation--the event was too near her for that; but her heart felt +sore at the echo of her last words, just and true as their severity +was. Her struggle, her constant flowing tears, which fell from very +weakness, made her experience a sensation of intense bodily fatigue; +and her soul had lost the power of throwing itself forward, or +contemplating anything beyond the dreary present, when the expanse of +grey, wild, bleak moors, stretching wide away below a sunless sky, +seemed only an outward sign of the waste world within her heart, for +which she could claim no sympathy;--for she could not even define +what its woes were; and if she could, no one would understand how the +present time was haunted by the terrible ghost of the former love. + +"I am so weary! I am so weary!" she moaned aloud at last. "I wonder +if I might stop here, and just die away." + +She shut her eyes, until through the closed lids came a ruddy blaze +of light. The clouds had parted away, and the sun was going down in a +crimson glory behind the distant purple hills. The whole western sky +was one flame of fire. Ruth forgot herself in looking at the gorgeous +sight. She sat up gazing, and, as she gazed, the tears dried on her +cheeks; and, somehow, all human care and sorrow were swallowed up in +the unconscious sense of God's infinity. The sunset calmed her more +than any words, however wise and tender, could have done. It even +seemed to give her strength and courage; she did not know how or why, +but so it was. + +She rose, and went slowly towards home. Her limbs were very stiff, +and every now and then she had to choke down an unbidden sob. Her +pupils had been long returned from church, and had busied themselves +in preparing tea--an occupation which had probably made them feel the +time less long. + +If they had ever seen a sleep-walker, they might have likened Ruth +to one for the next few days, so slow and measured did her movements +seem--so far away was her intelligence from all that was passing +around her--so hushed and strange were the tones of her voice. They +had letters from home announcing the triumphant return of Mr Donne as +M.P. for Eccleston. Mrs Denbigh heard the news without a word, and +was too languid to join in the search after purple and yellow flowers +with which to deck the sitting-room at Eagle's Crag. + +A letter from Jemima came the next day, summoning them home. Mr Donne +and his friends had left the place, and quiet was restored in the +Bradshaw household; so it was time that Mary's and Elizabeth's +holiday should cease. Mrs Denbigh had also a letter--a letter from +Miss Benson, saying that Leonard was not quite well. There was so +much pains taken to disguise anxiety, that it was very evident much +anxiety was felt; and the girls were almost alarmed by Ruth's sudden +change from taciturn langour to eager, vehement energy. Body and mind +seemed strained to exertion. Every plan that could facilitate packing +and winding-up affairs at Abermouth, every errand and arrangement +that could expedite their departure by one minute, was done by Ruth +with stern promptitude. She spared herself in nothing. She made +them rest, made them lie down, while she herself lifted weights and +transacted business with feverish power, never resting, and trying +never to have time to think. + +For in remembrance of the Past there was Remorse,--how had she +forgotten Leonard these last few days!--how had she repined and been +dull of heart to her blessing! And in anticipation of the Future +there was one sharp point of red light in the darkness which pierced +her brain with agony, and which she would not see or recognise--and +saw and recognised all the more for such mad determination--which is +not the true shield against the bitterness of the arrows of Death. + +When the seaside party arrived in Eccleston, they were met by Mrs and +Miss Bradshaw and Mr Benson. By a firm resolution, Ruth kept from +shaping the question, "Is he alive?" as if by giving shape to her +fears she made their realisation more imminent. She said merely, "How +is he?" but she said it with drawn, tight, bloodless lips, and in her +eyes Mr Benson read her anguish of anxiety. + +"He is very ill, but we hope he will soon be better. It is what every +child has to go through." + + + + +CHAPTER XXV + +Jemima Makes a Discovery + + +Mr Bradshaw had been successful in carrying his point. His member had +been returned; his proud opponents mortified. So the public thought +he ought to be well pleased; but the public were disappointed to see +that he did not show any of the gratification they supposed him to +feel. + +The truth was, that he had met with so many small mortifications +during the progress of the election, that the pleasure which he would +otherwise have felt in the final success of his scheme was much +diminished. + +He had more than tacitly sanctioned bribery; and now that the +excitement was over, he regretted it; not entirely from conscientious +motives, though he was uneasy from a slight sense of wrong-doing; but +he was more pained, after all, to think that, in the eyes of some of +his townsmen, his hitherto spotless character had received a blemish. +He, who had been so stern and severe a censor on the undue influence +exercised by the opposite party in all preceding elections, could not +expect to be spared by their adherents now, when there were rumours +that the hands of the scrupulous Dissenters were not clean. Before, +it had been his boast that neither friend nor enemy could say one +word against him; now, he was constantly afraid of an indictment for +bribery, and of being compelled to appear before a Committee to swear +to his own share in the business. + +His uneasy, fearful consciousness made him stricter and sterner +than ever; as if he would quench all wondering, slanderous talk +about him in the town by a renewed austerity of uprightness; that +the slack-principled Mr Bradshaw of one month of ferment and +excitement might not be confounded with the highly-conscientious and +deeply-religious Mr Bradshaw, who went to chapel twice a day, and +gave a hundred pounds a-piece to every charity in the town, as a sort +of thank-offering that his end was gained. + +But he was secretly dissatisfied with Mr Donne. In general, that +gentleman had been rather too willing to act in accordance with +any one's advice, no matter whose; as if he had thought it too +much trouble to weigh the wisdom of his friends, in which case Mr +Bradshaw's would have, doubtless, proved the most valuable. But +now and then he unexpectedly, and utterly without reason, took the +conduct of affairs into his own hands, as when he had been absent +without leave only just before the day of nomination. No one guessed +whither he had gone; but the fact of his being gone was enough to +chagrin Mr Bradshaw, who was quite ready to pick a quarrel on this +very head, if the election had not terminated favourably. As it +was, he had a feeling of proprietorship in Mr Donne which was not +disagreeable. He had given the new M.P. his seat; his resolution, +his promptitude, his energy, had made Mr Donne "our member;" and Mr +Bradshaw began to feel proud of him accordingly. But there had been +no one circumstance during this period to bind Jemima and Mr Farquhar +together. They were still misunderstanding each other with all their +power. The difference in the result was this: Jemima loved him all +the more, in spite of quarrels and coolness. He was growing utterly +weary of the petulant temper of which he was never certain; of the +reception which varied day after day, according to the mood she was +in and the thoughts that were uppermost; and he was almost startled +to find how very glad he was that the little girls and Mrs Denbigh +were coming home. His was a character to bask in peace; and lovely, +quiet Ruth, with her low tones and quiet replies, her delicate waving +movements, appeared to him the very type of what a woman should be--a +calm, serene soul, fashioning the body to angelic grace. + +It was, therefore, with no slight interest that Mr Farquhar inquired +daily after the health of little Leonard. He asked at the Bensons' +house; and Sally answered him, with swollen and tearful eyes, that +the child was very bad--very bad indeed. He asked at the doctor's; +and the doctor told him, in a few short words, that "it was only a +bad kind of measles, and that the lad might have a struggle for it, +but he thought he would get through. Vigorous children carried their +force into everything; never did things by halves; if they were ill, +they were sure to be in a high fever directly; if they were well, +there was no peace in the house for their rioting. For his part," +continued the doctor, "he thought he was glad he had had no children; +as far as he could judge, they were pretty much all plague and no +profit." But as he ended his speech he sighed; and Mr Farquhar +was none the less convinced that common report was true, which +represented the clever, prosperous surgeon of Eccleston as bitterly +disappointed at his failure of offspring. + +While these various interests and feelings had their course outside +the Chapel-house, within there was but one thought which possessed +all the inmates. When Sally was not cooking for the little invalid, +she was crying; for she had had a dream about green rushes, not +three months ago, which, by some queer process of oneiromancy she +interpreted to mean the death of a child; and all Miss Benson's +endeavours were directed to making her keep silence to Ruth about +this dream. Sally thought that the mother ought to be told; what were +dreams sent for but for warnings? But it was just like a pack of +Dissenters, who would not believe anything like other folks. Miss +Benson was too much accustomed to Sally's contempt for Dissenters, as +viewed from the pinnacle of the Establishment, to pay much attention +to all this grumbling; especially as Sally was willing to take as +much trouble about Leonard as if she believed he was going to live, +and that his recovery depended upon her care. Miss Benson's great +object was to keep her from having any confidential talks with Ruth; +as if any repetition of the dream could have deepened the conviction +in Ruth's mind that the child would die. + +It seemed to her that his death would only be the fitting punishment +for the state of indifference towards him--towards life and +death--towards all things earthly or divine, into which she had +suffered herself to fall since her last interview with Mr Donne. +She did not understand that such exhaustion is but the natural +consequence of violent agitation and severe tension of feeling. The +only relief she experienced was in constantly serving Leonard; she +had almost an animal's jealousy lest any one should come between her +and her young. Mr Benson saw this jealous suspicion, although he +could hardly understand it; but he calmed his sister's wonder and +officious kindness, so that the two patiently and quietly provided +all that Ruth might want, but did not interfere with her right to +nurse Leonard. But when he was recovering, Mr Benson, with the slight +tone of authority he knew how to assume when need was, bade Ruth +lie down and take some rest, while his sister watched. Ruth did not +answer, but obeyed in a dull, weary kind of surprise at being so +commanded. She lay down by her child, gazing her fill at his calm +slumber; and as she gazed, her large white eyelids were softly +pressed down as with a gentle irresistible weight, and she fell +asleep. + +She dreamed that she was once more on the lonely shore, striving to +carry Leonard away from some pursuer--some human pursuer--she knew he +was human, and she knew who he was, although she dared not say his +name even to herself, he seemed so close and present, gaining on her +flying footsteps, rushing after her as with the sound of the roaring +tide. Her feet seemed heavy weights fixed to the ground; they would +not move. All at once, just near the shore, a great black whirlwind +of waves clutched her back to her pursuer; she threw Leonard on to +land, which was safety; but whether he reached it or no, or was swept +back like her into a mysterious something too dreadful to be borne, +she did not know, for the terror awakened her. At first the dream +seemed yet a reality, and she thought that the pursuer was couched +even there, in that very room, and the great boom of the sea was +still in her ears. But as full consciousness returned, she saw +herself safe in the dear old room--the haven of rest--the shelter +from storms. A bright fire was glowing in the little old-fashioned, +cup-shaped grate, niched into a corner of the wall, and guarded on +either side by whitewashed bricks, which rested on hobs. On one of +these the kettle hummed and buzzed, within two points of boiling +whenever she or Leonard required tea. In her dream that home-like +sound had been the roaring of the relentless sea, creeping swiftly on +to seize its prey. Miss Benson sat by the fire, motionless and still; +it was too dark to read any longer without a candle; but yet on the +ceiling and upper part of the walls the golden light of the setting +sun was slowly moving--so slow, and yet a motion gives the feeling of +rest to the weary yet more than perfect stillness. The old clock on +the staircase told its monotonous click-clack, in that soothing way +which more marked the quiet of the house than disturbed with any +sense of sound. Leonard still slept that renovating slumber, almost +in her arms, far from that fatal pursuing sea, with its human form of +cruelty. The dream was a vision; the reality which prompted the dream +was over and past--Leonard was safe--she was safe; all this loosened +the frozen springs, and they gushed forth in her heart, and her lips +moved in accordance with her thoughts. + +"What were you saying, my darling?" said Miss Benson, who caught +sight of the motion, and fancied she was asking for something. Miss +Benson bent over the side of the bed on which Ruth lay, to catch the +low tones of her voice. + +"I only said," replied Ruth, timidly, "thank God! I have so much to +thank Him for, you don't know." + +"My dear, I am sure we have all of us cause to be thankful that our +boy is spared. See! he is wakening up; and we will have a cup of tea +together." + +Leonard strode on to perfect health; but he was made older in +character and looks by his severe illness. He grew tall and thin, and +the lovely child was lost in the handsome boy. He began to wonder, +and to question. Ruth mourned a little over the vanished babyhood, +when she was all in all, and over the childhood, whose petals had +fallen away; it seemed as though two of her children were gone--the +one an infant, the other a bright, thoughtless darling; and she +wished that they could have remained quick in her memory for ever, +instead of being absorbed in loving pride for the present boy. But +these were only fanciful regrets, flitting like shadows across a +mirror. Peace and thankfulness were once more the atmosphere of +her mind; nor was her unconsciousness disturbed by any suspicion +of Mr Farquhar's increasing approbation and admiration, which he +was diligently nursing up into love for her. She knew that he had +sent--she did not know how often he had brought--fruit for the +convalescent Leonard. She heard, on her return from her daily +employment, that Mr Farquhar had brought a little gentle pony on +which Leonard, weak as he was, might ride. To confess the truth, her +maternal pride was such that she thought that all kindness shown +to such a boy as Leonard was but natural; she believed him to be + + + A child whom all that looked on, loved. + + +As in truth he was; and the proof of this was daily shown in many +kind inquiries, and many thoughtful little offerings, besides Mr +Farquhar's. The poor (warm and kind of heart to all sorrow common +to humanity) were touched with pity for the young widow, whose only +child lay ill, and nigh unto death. They brought what they could--a +fresh egg, when eggs were scarce--a few ripe pears that grew on the +sunniest side of the humblest cottage, where the fruit was regarded +as a source of income--a call of inquiry, and a prayer that God would +spare the child, from an old crippled woman, who could scarcely drag +herself so far as the Chapel-house, yet felt her worn and weary heart +stirred with a sharp pang of sympathy, and a very present remembrance +of the time when she too was young, and saw the life-breath quiver +out of her child, now an angel in that heaven which felt more like +home to the desolate old creature than this empty earth. To all such, +when Leonard was better, Ruth went, and thanked them from her heart. +She and the old cripple sat hand in hand over the scanty fire on the +hearth of the latter, while she told in solemn, broken, homely words, +how her child sickened and died. Tears fell like rain down Ruth's +cheeks; but those of the old woman were dry. All tears had been wept +out of her long ago, and now she sat patient and quiet, waiting +for death. But after this, Ruth "clave unto her," and the two were +henceforward a pair of friends. Mr Farquhar was only included in the +general gratitude which she felt towards all who had been kind to her +boy. + +The winter passed away in deep peace after the storms of the autumn, +yet every now and then a feeling of insecurity made Ruth shake for an +instant. Those wild autumnal storms had torn aside the quiet flowers +and herbage that had gathered over the wreck of her early life, and +shown her that all deeds, however hidden and long passed by, have +their eternal consequences. She turned sick and faint whenever Mr +Donne's name was casually mentioned. No one saw it; but she felt the +miserable stop in her heart's beating, and wished that she could +prevent it by any exercise of self-command. She had never named his +identity with Mr Bellingham, nor had she spoken about the seaside +interview. Deep shame made her silent and reserved on all her +life before Leonard's birth; from that time she rose again in her +self-respect, and spoke as openly as a child (when need was) of all +occurrences which had taken place since then; except that she could +not, and would not, tell of this mocking echo, this haunting phantom, +this past, that would not rest in its grave. The very circumstance +that it was stalking abroad in the world, and might reappear at any +moment, made her a coward: she trembled away from contemplating what +the reality had been; only she clung more faithfully than before +to the thought of the great God, who was a rock in the dreary land, +where no shadow was. + +Autumn and winter, with their lowering skies, were less dreary than +the woeful, desolate feelings that shed a gloom on Jemima. She found +too late that she had considered Mr Farquhar so securely her own +for so long a time, that her heart refused to recognise him as lost +to her, unless her reason went through the same weary, convincing, +miserable evidence day after day, and hour after hour. He never spoke +to her now, except from common civility. He never cared for her +contradictions; he never tried, with patient perseverance, to bring +her over to his opinions; he never used the wonted wiles (so tenderly +remembered now they had no existence but in memory) to bring her +round out of some wilful mood--and such moods were common enough +now! Frequently she was sullenly indifferent to the feelings of +others--not from any unkindness, but because her heart seemed +numb and stony, and incapable of sympathy. Then afterwards her +self-reproach was terrible--in the dead of night, when no one saw it. +With a strange perversity, the only intelligence she cared to hear, +the only sights she cared to see, were the circumstances which gave +confirmation to the idea that Mr Farquhar was thinking of Ruth for a +wife. She craved with stinging curiosity to hear something of their +affairs every day; partly because the torture which such intelligence +gave was almost a relief from the deadness of her heart to all other +interests. + +And so spring (_gioventu dell'anno_) came back to her, bringing all +the contrasts which spring alone can bring to add to the heaviness of +the soul. The little winged creatures filled the air with bursts of +joy; the vegetation came bright and hopefully onwards, without any +check of nipping frost. The ash-trees in the Bradshaws' garden were +out in leaf by the middle of May, which that year wore more the +aspect of summer than most Junes do. The sunny weather mocked Jemima, +and the unusual warmth oppressed her physical powers. She felt very +weak and languid; she was acutely sensible that no one else noticed +her want of strength; father, mother, all seemed too full of other +things to care if, as she believed, her life was waning. She herself +felt glad that it was so. But her delicacy was not unnoticed by all. +Her mother often anxiously asked her husband if he did not think +Jemima was looking ill; nor did his affirmation to the contrary +satisfy her, as most of his affirmations did. She thought every +morning, before she got up, how she could tempt Jemima to eat, by +ordering some favourite dainty for dinner; in many other little ways +she tried to minister to her child; but the poor girl's own abrupt +irritability of temper had made her mother afraid of openly speaking +to her about her health. + +Ruth, too, saw that Jemima was not looking well. How she had become +an object of dislike to her former friend she did not know; but +she was sensible that Miss Bradshaw disliked her now. She was not +aware that this feeling was growing and strengthening almost into +repugnance, for she seldom saw Jemima out of school-hours, and then +only for a minute or two. But the evil element of a fellow-creature's +dislike oppressed the atmosphere of her life. That fellow-creature +was one who had once loved her so fondly, and whom she still loved, +although she had learnt to fear her, as we fear those whose faces +cloud over when we come in sight--who cast unloving glances at us, +of which we, though not seeing, are conscious, as of some occult +influence; and the cause of whose dislike is unknown to us, though +every word and action seems to increase it. I believe that this sort +of dislike is only shown by the jealous, and that it renders the +disliker even more miserable, because more continually conscious than +the object; but the growing evidence of Jemima's feeling made Ruth +very unhappy at times. This very May, too, an idea had come into her +mind, which she had tried to repress--namely, that Mr Farquhar was in +love with her. It annoyed her extremely; it made her reproach herself +that she ever should think such a thing possible. She tried to +strangle the notion, to drown it, to starve it out by neglect--its +existence caused her such pain and distress. + +The worst was, he had won Leonard's heart, who was constantly +seeking him out; or, when absent, talking about him. The best was +some journey connected with business, which would take him to the +Continent for several weeks; and, during that time, surely this +disagreeable fancy of his would die away, if untrue; and if true, +some way would be opened by which she might put a stop to all +increase of predilection on his part, and yet retain him as a friend +for Leonard--that darling for whom she was far-seeing and covetous, +and miserly of every scrap of love and kindly regard. + +Mr Farquhar would not have been flattered if he had known how much +his departure contributed to Ruth's rest of mind on the Saturday +afternoon on which he set out on his journey. It was a beautiful day; +the sky of that intense quivering blue which seemed as though you +could look through it for ever, yet not reach the black, infinite +space which is suggested as lying beyond. Now and then a thin, torn, +vaporous cloud floated slowly within the vaulted depth; but the soft +air that gently wafted it was not perceptible among the leaves on the +trees, which did not even tremble. Ruth sat at her work in the shadow +formed by the old grey garden wall; Miss Benson and Sally--the one in +the parlour window-seat mending stockings, the other hard at work in +her kitchen--were both within talking distance, for it was weather +for open doors and windows; but none of the three kept up any +continued conversation; and in the intervals Ruth sang low a brooding +song, such as she remembered her mother singing long ago. Now and +then she stopped to look at Leonard, who was labouring away with +vehement energy at digging over a small plot of ground, where he +meant to prick out some celery plants that had been given to him. +Ruth's heart warmed at the earnest, spirited way in which he thrust +his large spade deep down into the brown soil, his ruddy face +glowing, his curly hair wet with the exertion; and yet she sighed +to think that the days were over when her deeds of skill could give +him pleasure. Now, his delight was in acting himself; last year, not +fourteen months ago, he had watched her making a daisy-chain for him, +as if he could not admire her cleverness enough; this year--this +week, when she had been devoting every spare hour to the simple +tailoring which she performed for her boy (she had always made every +article he wore, and felt almost jealous of the employment), he had +come to her with a wistful look, and asked when he might begin to +have clothes made by a man? + +Ever since the Wednesday when she had accompanied Mary and Elizabeth, +at Mrs Bradshaw's desire, to be measured for spring clothes by the +new Eccleston dressmaker, she had been looking forward to this +Saturday afternoon's pleasure of making summer trousers for Leonard; +but the satisfaction of the employment was a little taken away by +Leonard's speech. It was a sign, however, that her life was very +quiet and peaceful, that she had leisure to think upon the thing at +all; and often she forgot it entirely in her low, chanting song, or +in listening to the thrush warbling out his afternoon ditty to his +patient mate in the holly-bush below. + +The distant rumble of carts through the busy streets (it was +market-day) not only formed a low rolling bass to the nearer and +pleasanter sounds, but enhanced the sense of peace by the suggestion +of the contrast afforded to the repose of the garden by the bustle +not far off. + +But besides physical din and bustle, there is mental strife and +turmoil. + +That afternoon, as Jemima was restlessly wandering about the house, +her mother desired her to go on an errand to Mrs Pearson's, the new +dressmaker, in order to give some directions about her sisters' new +frocks. Jemima went, rather than have the trouble of resisting; +or else she would have preferred staying at home, moving or being +outwardly quiet according to her own fitful will. Mrs Bradshaw, who, +as I have said, had been aware for some time that something was wrong +with her daughter, and was very anxious to set it to rights if she +only knew how, had rather planned this errand with a view to dispel +Jemima's melancholy. + +"And, Mimie, dear," said her mother, "when you are there, look out +for a new bonnet for yourself; she has got some very pretty ones, and +your old one is so shabby." + +"It does for me, mother," said Jemima, heavily. "I don't want a new +bonnet." + +"But I want you to have one, my lassie. I want my girl to look well +and nice." + +There was something of homely tenderness in Mrs Bradshaw's tone that +touched Jemima's heart. She went to her mother, and kissed her with +more of affection than she had shown to any one for weeks before; and +the kiss was returned with warm fondness. + +"I think you love me, mother," said Jemima. + +"We all love you, dear, if you would but think so. And if you want +anything, or wish for anything, only tell me, and with a little +patience I can get your father to give it you, I know. Only be happy, +there's a good girl." + +"Be happy! as if one could by an effort of will!" thought Jemima, as +she went along the street, too absorbed in herself to notice the bows +of acquaintances and friends, but instinctively guiding herself right +among the throng and press of carts, and gigs, and market people in +High Street. + +But her mother's tones and looks, with their comforting power, +remained longer in her recollection than the inconsistency of any +words spoken. When she had completed her errand about the frocks, she +asked to look at some bonnets, in order to show her recognition of +her mother's kind thought. + +Mrs Pearson was a smart, clever-looking woman of five or six and +thirty. She had all the variety of small-talk at her finger-ends +that was formerly needed by barbers to amuse the people who came to +be shaved. She had admired the town till Jemima was weary of its +praises, sick and oppressed by its sameness, as she had been these +many weeks. + +"Here are some bonnets, ma'am, that will be just the thing for +you--elegant and tasty, yet quite of the simple style, suitable to +young ladies. Oblige me by trying on this white silk!" + +Jemima looked at herself in the glass; she was obliged to own it was +very becoming, and perhaps not the less so for the flush of modest +shame which came into her cheeks as she heard Mrs Pearson's open +praises of the "rich, beautiful hair," and the "Oriental eyes" of the +wearer. + +"I induced the young lady who accompanied your sisters the other +day--the governess, is she, ma'am?" + +"Yes--Mrs Denbigh is her name," said Jemima, clouding over. + +"Thank you, ma'am. Well, I persuaded Mrs Denbigh to try on that +bonnet, and you can't think how charming she looked in it; and yet I +don't think it became her as much as it does you." + +"Mrs Denbigh is very beautiful," said Jemima, taking off the bonnet, +and not much inclined to try on any other. + +"Very, ma'am. Quite a peculiar style of beauty. If I might be +allowed, I should say that hers was a Grecian style of loveliness, +while yours was Oriental. She reminded me of a young person I once +knew in Fordham." Mrs Pearson sighed an audible sigh. + +"In Fordham!" said Jemima, remembering that Ruth had once spoken of +the place as one in which she had spent some time, while the county +in which it was situated was the same in which Ruth was born. "In +Fordham! Why, I think Mrs Denbigh comes from that neighbourhood." + +"Oh, ma'am! she cannot be the young person I mean--I am sure, +ma'am--holding the position she does in your establishment. I should +hardly say I knew her myself; for I only saw her two or three times +at my sister's house; but she was so remarked for her beauty, that I +remember her face quite well--the more so, on account of her vicious +conduct afterwards." + +"Her vicious conduct!" repeated Jemima, convinced by these words +that there could be no identity between Ruth and the "young person" +alluded to. "Then it could not have been our Mrs Denbigh." + +"Oh, no, ma'am! I am sure I should be sorry to be understood to have +suggested anything of the kind. I beg your pardon if I did so. All +I meant to say--and perhaps that was a liberty I ought not to have +taken, considering what Ruth Hilton was--" + +"Ruth Hilton!" said Jemima, turning suddenly round, and facing Mrs +Pearson. + +"Yes, ma'am, that was the name of the young person I allude to." + +"Tell me about her--what did she do?" asked Jemima, subduing her +eagerness of tone and look as best she might, but trembling as on the +verge of some strange discovery. + +"I don't know whether I ought to tell you, ma'am--it is hardly a fit +story for a young lady; but this Ruth Hilton was an apprentice to +my sister-in-law, who had a first-rate business in Fordham, which +brought her a good deal of patronage from the county families; and +this young creature was very artful and bold, and thought sadly too +much of her beauty; and, somehow, she beguiled a young gentleman, who +took her into keeping (I am sure, ma'am, I ought to apologise for +polluting your ears--)" + +"Go on," said Jemima, breathlessly. + +"I don't know much more. His mother followed him into Wales. She was +a lady of a great deal of religion, and of a very old family, and +was much shocked at her son's misfortune in being captivated by +such a person; but she led him to repentance, and took him to Paris, +where, I think, she died; but I am not sure, for, owing to family +differences, I have not been on terms for some years with my +sister-in-law, who was my informant." + +"Who died?" interrupted Jemima--"the young man's mother, or--or Ruth +Hilton?" + +"Oh dear, ma'am! pray don't confuse the two. It was the mother, Mrs-- +I forget the name--something like Billington. It was the lady who +died." + +"And what became of the other?" asked Jemima, unable, as her dark +suspicion seemed thickening, to speak the name. + +"The girl? Why, ma'am, what could become of her? Not that I know +exactly--only one knows they can but go from bad to worse, poor +creatures! God forgive me, if I am speaking too transiently of such +degraded women, who, after all, are a disgrace to our sex." + +"Then you know nothing more about her?" asked Jemima. + +"I did hear that she had gone off with another gentleman that she met +with in Wales, but I'm sure I can't tell who told me." + +There was a little pause. Jemima was pondering on all she had heard. +Suddenly she felt that Mrs Pearson's eyes were upon her, watching +her; not with curiosity, but with a newly-awakened intelligence;--and +yet she must ask one more question; but she tried to ask it in an +indifferent, careless tone, handling the bonnet while she spoke. + +"How long is it since all this--all you have been telling me +about--happened?" (Leonard was eight years old.) + +"Why--let me see. It was before I was married, and I was married +three years, and poor dear Pearson has been deceased five--I should +say going on for nine years this summer. Blush roses would become +your complexion, perhaps, better than these lilacs," said she, as +with superficial observation she watched Jemima turning the bonnet +round and round on her hand--the bonnet that her dizzy eyes did not +see. + +"Thank you. It is very pretty. But I don't want a bonnet. I beg +your pardon for taking up your time." And with an abrupt bow to +the discomfited Mrs Pearson, she was out and away in the open air, +threading her way with instinctive energy along the crowded street. +Suddenly she turned round, and went back to Mrs Pearson's with even +more rapidity than she had been walking away from the house. + +"I have changed my mind," said she, as she came, breathless, up into +the show-room. "I will take the bonnet. How much is it?" + +"Allow me to change the flowers; it can be done in an instant, and +then you can see if you would not prefer the roses; but with either +foliage it is a lovely little bonnet," said Mrs Pearson, holding it +up admiringly on her hand. + +"Oh! never mind the flowers--yes! change them to roses." And she +stood by, agitated (Mrs Pearson thought with impatience), all the +time the milliner was making the alteration with skilful, busy haste. + +"By the way," said Jemima, when she saw the last touches were being +given, and that she must not delay executing the purpose which was +the real cause of her return--"Papa, I am sure, would not like your +connecting Mrs Denbigh's name with such a--story as you have been +telling me." + +"Oh dear! ma'am, I have too much respect for you all to think of +doing such a thing! Of course I know, ma'am, that it is not to be +cast up to any lady that she is like anybody disreputable." + +"But I would rather you did not name the likeness to any one," said +Jemima; "not to any one. Don't tell any one the story you have told +me this morning." + +"Indeed, ma'am, I should never think of such a thing! My poor husband +could have borne witness that I am as close as the grave where there +is anything to conceal." + +"Oh dear!" said Jemima, "Mrs Pearson, there is nothing to conceal; +only you must not speak about it." + +"I certainly shall not do it, ma'am; you may rest assured of me." + +This time Jemima did not go towards home, but in the direction of +the outskirts of the town, on the hilly side. She had some dim +recollection of hearing her sisters ask if they might not go and +invite Leonard and his mother to tea; and how could she face Ruth, +after the conviction had taken possession of her heart that she, and +the sinful creature she had just heard of, were one and the same? + +It was yet only the middle of the afternoon; the hours were early +in the old-fashioned town of Eccleston. Soft white clouds had come +slowly sailing up out of the west; the plain was flecked with thin +floating shadows, gently borne along by the westerly wind that was +waving the long grass in the hay-fields into alternate light and +shade. Jemima went into one of these fields, lying by the side of +the upland road. She was stunned by the shock she had received. +The diver, leaving the green sward, smooth and known, where his +friends stand with their familiar smiling faces, admiring his glad +bravery--the diver, down in an instant in the horrid depths of the +sea, close to some strange, ghastly, lidless-eyed monster, can hardly +more feel his blood curdle at the near terror than did Jemima now. +Two hours ago--but a point of time on her mind's dial--she had never +imagined that she should ever come in contact with any one who had +committed open sin; she had never shaped her conviction into words +and sentences, but still it was _there_, that all the respectable, +all the family and religious circumstances of her life, would hedge +her in, and guard her from ever encountering the great shock of +coming face to face with vice. Without being pharisaical in her +estimation of herself, she had all a Pharisee's dread of publicans +and sinners, and all a child's cowardliness--that cowardliness which +prompts it to shut its eyes against the object of terror, rather +than acknowledge its existence with brave faith. Her father's often +reiterated speeches had not been without their effect. He drew a +clear line of partition, which separated mankind into two great +groups, to one of which, by the grace of God, he and his belonged; +while the other was composed of those whom it was his duty to try and +reform, and bring the whole force of his morality to bear upon, with +lectures, admonitions, and exhortations--a duty to be performed, +because it was a duty--but with very little of that Hope and Faith +which is the Spirit that maketh alive. Jemima had rebelled against +these hard doctrines of her father's, but their frequent repetition +had had its effect, and led her to look upon those who had gone +astray with shrinking, shuddering recoil, instead of with a pity so +Christ-like as to have both wisdom and tenderness in it. + +And now she saw among her own familiar associates one, almost her +housefellow, who had been stained with that evil most repugnant to +her womanly modesty, that would fain have ignored its existence +altogether. She loathed the thought of meeting Ruth again. She +wished that she could take her up, and put her down at a distance +somewhere--anywhere--where she might never see or hear of her more; +never be reminded, as she must be whenever she saw her, that such +things were in this sunny, bright, lark-singing earth, over which the +blue dome of heaven bent softly down as Jemima sat in the hayfield +that June afternoon; her cheeks flushed and red, but her lips pale +and compressed, and her eyes full of a heavy, angry sorrow. It was +Saturday, and the people in that part of the country left their work +an hour earlier on that day. By this, Jemima knew it must be growing +time for her to be at home. She had had so much of conflict in her +own mind of late, that she had grown to dislike struggle, or speech, +or explanation; and so strove to conform to times and hours much +more than she had done in happier days. But oh! how full of hate her +heart was growing against the world! And oh! how she sickened at the +thought of seeing Ruth! Who was to be trusted more, if Ruth--calm, +modest, delicate, dignified Ruth--had a memory blackened by sin? + +As she went heavily along, the thought of Mr Farquhar came into +her mind. It showed how terrible had been the stun, that he had +been forgotten until now. With the thought of him came in her first +merciful feeling towards Ruth. This would never have been, had there +been the least latent suspicion in Jemima's jealous mind that Ruth +had purposely done aught--looked a look--uttered a word--modulated a +tone--for the sake of attracting. As Jemima recalled all the passages +of their intercourse, she slowly confessed to herself how pure and +simple had been all Ruth's ways in relation to Mr Farquhar. It was +not merely that there had been no coquetting, but there had been +simple unconsciousness on Ruth's part, for so long a time after +Jemima had discovered Mr Farquhar's inclination for her; and when at +length she had slowly awakened to some perception of the state of his +feelings, there had been a modest, shrinking dignity of manner, not +startled, or emotional, or even timid, but pure, grave, and quiet; +and this conduct of Ruth's, Jemima instinctively acknowledged to be +of necessity transparent and sincere. Now, and here, there was no +hypocrisy; but some time, somewhere, on the part of somebody, what +hypocrisy, what lies must have been acted, if not absolutely spoken, +before Ruth could have been received by them all as the sweet, +gentle, girlish widow, which she remembered they had all believed +Mrs Denbigh to be when first she came among them! Could Mr and Miss +Benson know? Could they be a party to the deceit? Not sufficiently +acquainted with the world to understand how strong had been the +temptation to play the part they did, if they wished to give Ruth a +chance, Jemima could not believe them guilty of such deceit as the +knowledge of Mrs Denbigh's previous conduct would imply; and yet how +it darkened the latter into a treacherous hypocrite, with a black +secret shut up in her soul for years--living in apparent confidence, +and daily household familiarity with the Bensons for years, yet never +telling the remorse that ought to be corroding her heart! Who was +true? Who was not? Who was good and pure? Who was not? The very +foundations of Jemima's belief in her mind were shaken. + +Could it be false? Could there be two Ruth Hiltons? She went over +every morsel of evidence. It could not be. She knew that Mrs +Denbigh's former name had been Hilton. She had heard her speak +casually, but charily, of having lived in Fordham. She knew she had +been in Wales but a short time before she made her appearance in +Eccleston. There was no doubt of the identity. Into the middle of +Jemima's pain and horror at the afternoon's discovery, there came a +sense of the power which the knowledge of this secret gave her over +Ruth; but this was no relief, only an aggravation of the regret with +which Jemima looked back on her state of ignorance. It was no wonder +that when she arrived at home, she was so oppressed with headache +that she had to go to bed directly. + +"Quiet, mother! quiet, dear, dear mother" (for she clung to the known +and tried goodness of her mother more than ever now), "that is all +I want." And she was left to the stillness of her darkened room, +the blinds idly flapping to and fro in the soft evening breeze, and +letting in the rustling sound of the branches which waved close to +her window, and the thrush's gurgling warble, and the distant hum of +the busy town. + +Her jealousy was gone--she knew not how or where. She might shun and +recoil from Ruth, but she now thought that she could never more be +jealous of her. In her pride of innocence, she felt almost ashamed +that such a feeling could have had existence. Could Mr Farquhar +hesitate between her own self and one who-- No! she could not name +what Ruth had been, even in thought. And yet he might never know, +so fair a seeming did her rival wear. Oh! for one ray of God's +holy light to know what was seeming, and what was truth, in this +traitorous hollow earth! It might be--she used to think such things +possible, before sorrow had embittered her--that Ruth had worked her +way through the deep purgatory of repentance up to something like +purity again; God only knew! If her present goodness was real--if, +after having striven back thus far on the heights, a fellow-woman +was to throw her down into some terrible depth with her unkind, +incontinent tongue, that would be too cruel! And yet, if--there was +such woeful uncertainty and deceit somewhere--if Ruth-- No! that +Jemima, with noble candour, admitted was impossible. Whatever Ruth +had been, she was good, and to be respected as such, now. It did not +follow that Jemima was to preserve the secret always; she doubted her +own power to do so, if Mr Farquhar came home again, and were still +constant in his admiration of Mrs Denbigh, and if Mrs Denbigh gave +him any--the least encouragement. But this last she thought, from +what she knew of Ruth's character, was impossible. Only, what was +impossible after this afternoon's discovery? At any rate, she would +watch and wait. Come what might, Ruth was in her power. And, strange +to say, this last certainty gave Jemima a kind of protecting, +almost pitying, feeling for Ruth. Her horror at the wrong was not +diminished; but the more she thought of the struggles that the +wrong-doer must have made to extricate herself, the more she felt how +cruel it would be to baffle all by revealing what had been. But for +her sisters' sake she had a duty to perform; she must watch Ruth. For +her love's sake she could not have helped watching; but she was too +much stunned to recognise the force of her love, while duty seemed +the only stable thing to cling to. For the present she would neither +meddle nor mar in Ruth's course of life. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI + +Mr Bradshaw's Virtuous Indignation + + +So it was that Jemima no longer avoided Ruth, nor manifested by +word or look the dislike which for a long time she had been scarce +concealing. Ruth could not help noticing that Jemima always sought to +be in her presence while she was at Mr Bradshaw's house; either when +daily teaching Mary and Elizabeth, or when she came as an occasional +visitor with Mr and Miss Benson, or by herself. Up to this time +Jemima had used no gentle skill to conceal the abruptness with which +she would leave the room rather than that Ruth and she should be +brought into contact--rather than that it should fall to her lot to +entertain Ruth during any part of the evening. It was months since +Jemima had left off sitting in the schoolroom, as had been her wont +during the first few years of Ruth's governess-ship. Now, each +morning Miss Bradshaw seated herself at a little round table in the +window, at her work, or at her writing; but whether she sewed, or +wrote, or read, Ruth felt that she was always watching--watching. At +first Ruth had welcomed all these changes in habit and behaviour, +as giving her a chance, she thought, by some patient waiting or +some opportune show of enduring, constant love, to regain her lost +friend's regard; but by-and-by the icy chillness, immovable and grey, +struck more to her heart than many sudden words of unkindness could +have done. They might be attributed to the hot impulses of a hasty +temper--to the vehement anger of an accuser; but this measured manner +was the conscious result of some deep-seated feeling; this cold +sternness befitted the calm implacability of some severe judge. The +watching, which Ruth felt was ever upon her, made her unconsciously +shiver, as you would if you saw that the passionless eyes of the dead +were visibly gazing upon you. Her very being shrivelled and parched +up in Jemima's presence, as if blown upon by a bitter, keen, east +wind. + +Jemima bent every power she possessed upon the one object of +ascertaining what Ruth really was. Sometimes the strain was very +painful; the constant tension made her soul weary; and she moaned +aloud, and upbraided circumstance (she dared not go higher--to the +Maker of circumstance) for having deprived her of her unsuspicious +happy ignorance. + +Things were in this state when Mr Richard Bradshaw came on his annual +home visit. He was to remain another year in London, and then to +return and be admitted into the firm. After he had been a week at +home, he grew tired of the monotonous regularity of his father's +household, and began to complain of it to Jemima. + +"I wish Farquhar were at home. Though he is such a stiff, quiet old +fellow, his coming in in the evenings makes a change. What has become +of the Millses? They used to drink tea with us sometimes, formerly." + +"Oh! papa and Mr Mills took opposite sides at the election, and we +have never visited since. I don't think they are any great loss." + +"Anybody is a loss--the stupidest bore that ever was would be a +blessing, if he only would come in sometimes." + +"Mr and Miss Benson have drank tea here twice since you came." + +"Come, that's capital! Apropos of stupid bores, you talk of the +Bensons. I did not think you had so much discrimination, my little +sister." + +Jemima looked up in surprise; and then reddened angrily. + +"I never meant to say a word against Mr or Miss Benson, and that you +know quite well, Dick." + +"Never mind! I won't tell tales. They are stupid old fogeys, but they +are better than nobody, especially as that handsome governess of the +girls always comes with them to be looked at." + +There was a little pause; Richard broke it by saying: + +"Do you know, Mimie, I've a notion, if she plays her cards well, she +may hook Farquhar!" + +"Who?" asked Jemima, shortly, though she knew quite well. + +"Mrs Denbigh, to be sure. We were talking of her, you know. Farquhar +asked me to dine with him at his hotel as he passed through town, +and--I'd my own reasons for going and trying to creep up his +sleeve--I wanted him to tip me, as he used to do." + +"For shame! Dick," burst in Jemima. + +"Well! well! not tip me exactly, but lend me some money. The governor +keeps me so deucedly short." + +"Why! it was only yesterday, when my father was speaking about your +expenses, and your allowance, I heard you say that you'd more than +you knew how to spend." + +"Don't you see that was the perfection of art? If my father had +thought me extravagant, he would have kept me in with a tight rein; +as it is, I'm in great hopes of a handsome addition, and I can tell +you it's needed. If my father had given me what I ought to have had +at first, I should not have been driven to the speculations and +messes I've got into." + +"What speculations? What messes?" asked Jemima, with anxious +eagerness. + +"Oh! messes was not the right word. Speculations hardly was; for +they are sure to turn out well, and then I shall surprise my father +with my riches." He saw that he had gone a little too far in his +confidence, and was trying to draw in. + +"But, what do you mean? Do explain it to me." + +"Never you trouble your head about my business, my dear. Women can't +understand the share-market, and such things. Don't think I've +forgotten the awful blunders you made when you tried to read the +state of the money-market aloud to my father, that night when he +had lost his spectacles. What were we talking of? Oh! of Farquhar +and pretty Mrs Denbigh. Yes! I soon found out that was the subject +my gentleman liked me to dwell on. He did not talk about her much +himself, but his eyes sparkled when I told him what enthusiastic +letters Polly and Elizabeth wrote about her. How old d'ye think she +is?" + +"I know!" said Jemima. "At least, I heard her age spoken +about, amongst other things, when first she came. She will be +five-and-twenty this autumn." + +"And Farquhar is forty, if he is a day. She's young, too, to have +such a boy as Leonard; younger-looking, or full as young-looking as +she is! I tell you what, Mimie, she looks younger than you. How old +are you? Three-and-twenty, ain't it?" + +"Last March," replied Jemima. + +"You'll have to make haste and pick up somebody, if you're losing +your good looks at this rate. Why, Jemima, I thought you had a good +chance of Farquhar a year or two ago. How come you to have lost him? +I'd far rather you'd had him than that proud, haughty Mrs Denbigh, +who flashes her great grey eyes upon me if ever I dare to pay her a +compliment. She ought to think it an honour that I take that much +notice of her. Besides, Farquhar is rich, and it's keeping the +business of the firm in one's own family; and if he marries Mrs +Denbigh she will be sure to be wanting Leonard in when he's of age, +and I won't have that. Have a try for Farquhar, Mimie! Ten to one +it's not too late. I wish I'd brought you a pink bonnet down. You go +about so dowdy--so careless of how you look." + +"If Mr Farquhar has not liked me as I am," said Jemima, choking, "I +don't want to owe him to a pink bonnet." + +"Nonsense! I don't like to have my sisters' governess stealing a +march on my sister. I tell you Farquhar is worth trying for. If +you'll wear the pink bonnet I'll give it you, and I'll back you +against Mrs Denbigh. I think you might have done something with +'our member,' as my father calls him, when you had him so long +in the house. But, altogether, I should like Farquhar best for a +brother-in-law. By the way, have you heard down here that Donne is +going to be married? I heard of it in town, just before I left, from +a man that was good authority. Some Sir Thomas Campbell's seventh +daughter: a girl without a penny; father ruined himself by gambling, +and obliged to live abroad. But Donne is not a man to care for any +obstacle, from all accounts, when once he has taken a fancy. It was +love at first sight, they say. I believe he did not know of her +existence a month ago." + +"No! we have not heard of it," replied Jemima. "My father will like +to know; tell it him;" continued she, as she was leaving the room, to +be alone, in order to still her habitual agitation whenever she heard +Mr Farquhar and Ruth coupled together. + +Mr Farquhar came home the day before Richard Bradshaw left for town. +He dropped in after tea at the Bradshaws'; he was evidently +disappointed to see none but the family there, and looked round +whenever the door opened. + +"Look! look!" said Dick to his sister. "I wanted to make sure of +his coming in to-night, to save me my father's parting exhortations +against the temptations of the world (as if I did not know much more +of the world than he does!), so I used a spell I thought would prove +efficacious; I told him that we should be by ourselves, with the +exception of Mrs Denbigh, and look how he is expecting her to come +in!" + +Jemima did see; did understand. She understood, too, why certain +packets were put carefully on one side, apart from the rest of the +purchases of Swiss toys and jewellery, by which Mr Farquhar proved +that none of Mr Bradshaw's family had been forgotten by him during +his absence. Before the end of the evening, she was very conscious +that her sore heart had not forgotten how to be jealous. Her brother +did not allow a word, a look, or an incident, which might be supposed +on Mr Farquhar's side to refer to Ruth, to pass unnoticed; he +pointed out all to his sister, never dreaming of the torture he was +inflicting, only anxious to prove his own extreme penetration. At +length Jemima could stand it no longer, and left the room. She went +into the schoolroom, where the shutters were not closed, as it only +looked into the garden. She opened the window, to let the cool night +air blow in on her hot cheeks. The clouds were hurrying over the +moon's face in a tempestuous and unstable manner, making all things +seem unreal; now clear out in its bright light, now trembling and +quivering in shadow. The pain at her heart seemed to make Jemima's +brain grow dull; she laid her head on her arms, which rested on the +window-sill, and grew dizzy with the sick weary notion that the earth +was wandering lawless and aimless through the heavens, where all +seemed one tossed and whirling wrack of clouds. It was a waking +nightmare, from the uneasy heaviness of which she was thankful to be +roused by Dick's entrance. + +"What, you are here, are you? I have been looking everywhere for you. +I wanted to ask you if you have any spare money you could lend me for +a few weeks?" + +"How much do you want?" asked Jemima, in a dull, hopeless voice. + +"Oh! the more the better. But I should be glad of any trifle, I am +kept so confoundedly short." + +When Jemima returned with her little store, even her careless, +selfish brother was struck by the wanness of her face, lighted by the +bed-candle she carried. + +"Come, Mimie, don't give it up. If I were you, I would have a good +try against Mrs Denbigh. I'll send you the bonnet as soon as ever +I get back to town, and you pluck up a spirit, and I'll back you +against her even yet." + +It seemed to Jemima strange--and yet only a fitting part of this +strange, chaotic world--to find that her brother, who was the last +person to whom she could have given her confidence in her own family, +and almost the last person of her acquaintance to whom she could look +for real help and sympathy, should have been the only one to hit upon +the secret of her love. And the idea passed away from his mind as +quickly as all ideas not bearing upon his own self-interests did. + +The night, the sleepless night, was so crowded and haunted by +miserable images, that she longed for day; and when day came, with +its stinging realities, she wearied and grew sick for the solitude of +night. For the next week, she seemed to see and hear nothing but what +confirmed the idea of Mr Farquhar's decided attachment to Ruth. Even +her mother spoke of it as a thing which was impending, and which she +wondered how Mr Bradshaw would like; for his approval or disapproval +was the standard by which she measured all things. + +"Oh! merciful God," prayed Jemima, in the dead silence of the night, +"the strain is too great--I cannot bear it longer--my life--my +love--the very essence of me, which is myself through time and +eternity; and on the other side there is all-pitying Charity. If she +had not been what she is--if she had shown any sign of triumph--any +knowledge of her prize--if she had made any effort to gain his dear +heart, I must have given way long ago, and taunted her, even if I did +not tell others--taunted her, even though I sank down to the pit the +next moment. + +"The temptation is too strong for me. Oh Lord! where is Thy peace +that I believed in, in my childhood?--that I hear people speaking +of now, as if it hushed up the troubles of life, and had not to be +sought for--sought for, as with tears of blood!" + +There was no sound nor sight in answer to this wild imploring cry, +which Jemima half thought must force out a sign from Heaven. But +there was a dawn stealing on through the darkness of her night. + +It was glorious weather for the end of August. The nights were as +full of light as the days--everywhere, save in the low dusky meadows +by the river-side, where the mists rose and blended the pale sky with +the lands below. Unknowing of the care and trouble around them, Mary +and Elizabeth exulted in the weather, and saw some new glory in every +touch of the year's decay. They were clamorous for an expedition +to the hills, before the calm stillness of the autumn should be +disturbed by storms. They gained permission to go on the next +Wednesday--the next half-holiday. They had won their mother over to +consent to a full holiday, but their father would not hear of it. Mrs +Bradshaw had proposed an early dinner, but the idea was scouted at by +the girls. What would the expedition be worth if they did not carry +their dinners with them in baskets? Anything out of a basket, and +eaten in the open air, was worth twenty times as much as the most +sumptuous meal in the house. So the baskets were packed up, while +Mrs Bradshaw wailed over probable colds to be caught from sitting on +the damp ground. Ruth and Leonard were to go; they four. Jemima had +refused all invitations to make one of the party; and yet she had a +half-sympathy with her sisters' joy--a sort of longing, lingering +look back to the time when she too would have revelled in the +prospect that lay before them. They, too, would grow up, and suffer; +though now they played, regardless of their doom. + +The morning was bright and glorious; just cloud enough, as some one +said, to make the distant plain look beautiful from the hills, with +its floating shadows passing over the golden corn-fields. Leonard +was to join them at twelve, when his lessons with Mr Benson, and the +girls' with their masters, should be over. Ruth took off her bonnet, +and folded her shawl with her usual dainty, careful neatness, and +laid them aside in a corner of the room to be in readiness. She +tried to forget the pleasure she always anticipated from a long walk +towards the hills, while the morning's work went on; but she showed +enough of sympathy to make the girls cling round her with many a +caress of joyous love. Everything was beautiful in their eyes; from +the shadows of the quivering leaves on the wall to the glittering +beads of dew, not yet absorbed by the sun, which decked the gossamer +web in the vine outside the window. Eleven o'clock struck. The Latin +master went away, wondering much at the radiant faces of his pupils, +and thinking that it was only very young people who could take such +pleasure in the "Delectus." Ruth said, "Now, do let us try to be very +steady this next hour," and Mary pulled back Ruth's head, and gave +the pretty budding mouth a kiss. They sat down to work, while Mrs +Denbigh read aloud. A fresh sun-gleam burst into the room, and they +looked at each other with glad, anticipating eyes. + +Jemima came in, ostensibly to seek for a book, but really from that +sort of restless weariness of any one place or employment, which had +taken possession of her since Mr Farquhar's return. She stood before +the bookcase in the recess, languidly passing over the titles in +search of the one she wanted. Ruth's voice lost a tone or two of its +peacefulness, and her eyes looked more dim and anxious at Jemima's +presence. She wondered in her heart if she dared to ask Miss Bradshaw +to accompany them in their expedition. Eighteen months ago she would +have urged it on her friend with soft, loving entreaty; now she was +afraid even to propose it as a hard possibility; everything she did +or said was taken so wrongly--seemed to add to the old dislike, or +the later stony contempt with which Miss Bradshaw had regarded her. +While they were in this way Mr Bradshaw came into the room. His +entrance--his being at home at all at this time--was so unusual +a thing, that the reading was instantly stopped; and all four +involuntarily looked at him, as if expecting some explanation of his +unusual proceeding. + +His face was almost purple with suppressed agitation. + +"Mary and Elizabeth, leave the room. Don't stay to pack up your +books. Leave the room, I say!" He spoke with trembling anger, and the +frightened girls obeyed without a word. A cloud passing over the sun +cast a cold gloom into the room which was late so bright and beaming; +but, by equalising the light, it took away the dark shadow from the +place where Jemima had been standing, and her figure caught her +father's eye. + +"Leave the room, Jemima," said he. + +"Why, father?" replied she, in an opposition that was strange even to +herself, but which was prompted by the sullen passion which seethed +below the stagnant surface of her life, and which sought a vent in +defiance. She maintained her ground, facing round upon her father, +and Ruth--Ruth, who had risen, and stood trembling, shaking, a +lightning-fear having shown her the precipice on which she stood. It +was of no use; no quiet, innocent life--no profound silence, even to +her own heart, as to the Past; the old offence could never be drowned +in the Deep; but thus, when all was calm on the great, broad, sunny +sea, it rose to the surface, and faced her with its unclosed eyes and +its ghastly countenance. The blood bubbled up to her brain, and made +such a sound there, as of boiling waters, that she did not hear the +words which Mr Bradshaw first spoke; indeed, his speech was broken +and disjointed by intense passion. But she needed not to hear; she +knew. As she rose up at first, so she stood now--numb and helpless. +When her ears heard again (as if the sounds were drawing nearer, and +becoming more distinct, from some faint, vague distance of space), +Mr Bradshaw was saying, "If there be one sin I hate--I utterly +loathe--more than all others, it is wantonness. It includes all +other sins. It is but of a piece that you should have come with your +sickly, hypocritical face, imposing upon us all. I trust Benson did +not know of it--for his own sake, I trust not. Before God, if he got +you into my house on false pretences, he shall find his charity at +other men's expense shall cost him dear--you--the common talk of +Eccleston for your profligacy--" He was absolutely choked by his +boiling indignation. Ruth stood speechless, motionless. Her head +drooped a little forward, her eyes were more than half veiled by +the large quivering lids, her arms hung down straight and heavy. At +last she heaved the weight off her heart enough to say, in a faint, +moaning voice, speaking with infinite difficulty: + +"I was so young." + +"The more depraved, the more disgusting you," Mr Bradshaw exclaimed, +almost glad that the woman, unresisting so long, should now begin to +resist. But to his surprise (for in his anger he had forgotten her +presence) Jemima moved forwards, and said, "Father!" + +"You hold your tongue, Jemima. You have grown more and more +insolent--more and more disobedient every day. I now know who to +thank for it. When such a woman came into my family there is no +wonder at any corruption--any evil--any defilement--" + +"Father!" + +"Not a word! If, in your disobedience, you choose to stay and hear +what no modest young woman would put herself in the way of hearing, +you shall be silent when I bid you. The only good you can gain is in +the way of warning. Look at that woman" (indicating Ruth, who moved +her drooping head a little on one side, as if by such motion she +could avert the pitiless pointing--her face growing whiter and whiter +still every instant)--"look at that woman, I say--corrupt long before +she was your age--hypocrite for years! If ever you, or any child of +mine, cared for her, shake her off from you, as St Paul shook off +the viper--even into the fire." He stopped for very want of breath. +Jemima, all flushed and panting, went up and stood side by side with +wan Ruth. She took the cold, dead hand which hung next to her in her +warm convulsive grasp, and holding it so tight that it was blue and +discoloured for days, she spoke out beyond all power of restraint +from her father. + +"Father, I will speak. I will not keep silence. I will bear witness +to Ruth. I have hated her--so keenly, may God forgive me! but you +may know, from that, that my witness is true. I have hated her, +and my hatred was only quenched into contempt--not contempt now, +dear Ruth--dear Ruth"--(this was spoken with infinite softness and +tenderness, and in spite of her father's fierce eyes and passionate +gesture)--"I heard what you have learnt now, father, weeks and weeks +ago--a year it may be, all time of late has been so long; and I +shuddered up from her and from her sin; and I might have spoken of +it, and told it there and then, if I had not been afraid that it was +from no good motive I should act in so doing, but to gain a way to +the desire of my own jealous heart. Yes, father, to show you what a +witness I am for Ruth, I will own that I was stabbed to the heart +with jealousy; some one--some one cared for Ruth that--oh, father! +spare me saying all." Her face was double-dyed with crimson blushes, +and she paused for one moment--no more. + +"I watched her, and I watched her with my wild-beast eyes. If I had +seen one paltering with duty--if I had witnessed one flickering +shadow of untruth in word or action--if, more than all things, my +woman's instinct had ever been conscious of the faintest speck of +impurity in thought, or word, or look, my old hate would have flamed +out with the flame of hell! my contempt would have turned to loathing +disgust, instead of my being full of pity, and the stirrings of +new-awakened love, and most true respect. Father, I have borne my +witness!" + +"And I will tell you how much your witness is worth," said her +father, beginning low, that his pent-up wrath might have room to +swell out. "It only convinces me more and more how deep is the +corruption this wanton has spread in my family. She has come amongst +us with her innocent seeming, and spread her nets well and skilfully. +She has turned right into wrong, and wrong into right, and taught you +all to be uncertain whether there be any such thing as Vice in the +world, or whether it ought not to be looked upon as Virtue. She has +led you to the brink of the deep pit, ready for the first chance +circumstance to push you in. And I trusted her--I trusted her--I +welcomed her." + +"I have done very wrong," murmured Ruth, but so low, that perhaps he +did not hear her, for he went on, lashing himself up. + +"I welcomed her. I was duped into allowing her bastard--(I sicken at +the thought of it)--" + +At the mention of Leonard, Ruth lifted up her eyes for the first time +since the conversation began, the pupils dilating, as if she were +just becoming aware of some new agony in store for her. I have seen +such a look of terror on a poor dumb animal's countenance, and once +or twice on human faces. I pray I may never see it again on either! +Jemima felt the hand she held in her strong grasp writhe itself free. +Ruth spread her arms before her, clasping and lacing her fingers +together, her head thrown a little back, as if in intensest +suffering. + +Mr Bradshaw went on: + +"That very child and heir of shame to associate with my own innocent +children! I trust they are not contaminated." + +"I cannot bear it--I cannot bear it!" were the words wrung out of +Ruth. + +"Cannot bear it! cannot bear it!" he repeated. "You must bear it, +madam. Do you suppose your child is to be exempt from the penalties +of his birth? Do you suppose that he alone is to be saved from the +upbraiding scoff? Do you suppose that he is ever to rank with other +boys, who are not stained and marked with sin from their birth? Every +creature in Eccleston may know what he is; do you think they will +spare him their scorn? 'Cannot bear it,' indeed! Before you went +into your sin, you should have thought whether you could bear the +consequences or not--have had some idea how far your offspring would +be degraded and scouted, till the best thing that could happen to +him would be for him to be lost to all sense of shame, dead to all +knowledge of guilt, for his mother's sake." + +Ruth spoke out. She stood like a wild creature at bay, past fear now. +"I appeal to God against such a doom for my child. I appeal to God to +help me. I am a mother, and as such I cry to God for help--for help +to keep my boy in His pitying sight, and to bring him up in His holy +fear. Let the shame fall on me! I have deserved it, but he--he is so +innocent and good." + +Ruth had caught up her shawl, and was tying on her bonnet with her +trembling hands. What if Leonard was hearing of her shame from common +report? What would be the mysterious shock of the intelligence? She +must face him, and see the look in his eyes, before she knew whether +he recoiled from her; he might have his heart turned to hate her, by +their cruel jeers. + +Jemima stood by, dumb and pitying. Her sorrow was past her power. She +helped in arranging the dress, with one or two gentle touches, which +were hardly felt by Ruth, but which called out all Mr Bradshaw's +ire afresh; he absolutely took her by the shoulders and turned her +by force out of the room. In the hall, and along the stairs, her +passionate woeful crying was heard. The sound only concentrated Mr +Bradshaw's anger on Ruth. He held the street-door open wide, and +said, between his teeth, "If ever you, or your bastard, darken this +door again, I will have you both turned out by the police!" + +He need not have added this, if he had seen Ruth's face. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII + +Preparing to Stand on the Truth + + +As Ruth went along the accustomed streets, every sight and every +sound seemed to bear a new meaning, and each and all to have some +reference to her boy's disgrace. She held her head down, and scudded +along dizzy with fear, lest some word should have told him what she +had been, and what he was, before she could reach him. It was a wild, +unreasoning fear, but it took hold of her as strongly as if it had +been well founded. And, indeed, the secret whispered by Mrs Pearson, +whose curiosity and suspicion had been excited by Jemima's manner, +and confirmed since by many a little corroborating circumstance, had +spread abroad, and was known to most of the gossips in Eccleston +before it reached Mr Bradshaw's ears. + +As Ruth came up to the door of the Chapel-house, it was opened, and +Leonard came out, bright and hopeful as the morning, his face radiant +at the prospect of the happy day before him. He was dressed in the +clothes it had been such a pleasant pride to her to make for him. He +had the dark blue ribbon tied round his neck that she had left out +for him that very morning, with a smiling thought of how it would +set off his brown, handsome face. She caught him by the hand as they +met, and turned him, with his face homewards, without a word. Her +looks, her rushing movement, her silence, awed him; and although he +wondered, he did not stay to ask why she did so. The door was on the +latch; she opened it, and only said, "Upstairs," in a hoarse whisper. +Up they went into her own room. She drew him in, and bolted the door; +and then, sitting down, she placed him (she had never let go of him) +before her, holding him with her hands on each of his shoulders, and +gazing into his face with a woeful look of the agony that could not +find vent in words. At last she tried to speak; she tried with strong +bodily effort, almost amounting to convulsion. But the words would +not come; it was not till she saw the absolute terror depicted on +his face that she found utterance; and then the sight of that terror +changed the words from what she meant them to have been. She drew him +to her, and laid her head upon his shoulder; hiding her face even +there. + +"My poor, poor boy! my poor, poor darling! Oh! would that I had +died--I had died, in my innocent girlhood!" + +"Mother! mother!" sobbed Leonard. "What is the matter? Why do you +look so wild and ill? Why do you call me your 'poor boy'? Are we not +going to Scaurside-hill? I don't much mind it, mother; only please +don't gasp and quiver so. Dearest mother, are you ill? Let me call +Aunt Faith!" + +Ruth lifted herself up, and put away the hair that had fallen +over and was blinding her eyes. She looked at him with intense +wistfulness. + +"Kiss me, Leonard!" said she--"kiss me, my darling, once more in the +old way!" Leonard threw himself into her arms and hugged her with all +his force, and their lips clung together as in the kiss given to the +dying. + +"Leonard!" said she at length, holding him away from her, and nerving +herself up to tell him all by one spasmodic effort--"listen to me." +The boy stood breathless and still, gazing at her. On her impetuous +transit from Mr Bradshaw's to the Chapel-house, her wild, desperate +thought had been that she would call herself by every violent, +coarse name which the world might give her--that Leonard should hear +those words applied to his mother first from her own lips; but the +influence of his presence--for he was a holy and sacred creature in +her eyes, and this point remained steadfast, though all the rest were +upheaved--subdued her; and now it seemed as if she could not find +words fine enough, and pure enough, to convey the truth that he must +learn, and should learn from no tongue but hers. + +"Leonard--when I was very young I did very wrong. I think God, who +knows all, will judge me more tenderly than men--but I did wrong in a +way which you cannot understand yet" (she saw the red flush come into +his cheek, and it stung her as the first token of that shame which +was to be his portion through life)--"in a way people never forget, +never forgive. You will hear me called the hardest names that ever +can be thrown at women--I have been, to-day; and, my child, you +must bear it patiently, because they will be partly true. Never get +confused, by your love for me, into thinking that what I did was +right.--Where was I?" said she, suddenly faltering, and forgetting +all she had said and all she had got to say; and then, seeing +Leonard's face of wonder, and burning shame and indignation, she went +on more rapidly, as fearing lest her strength should fail before she +had ended. + +"And, Leonard," continued she, in a trembling, sad voice, "this is +not all. The punishment of punishments lies awaiting me still. It is +to see you suffer for my wrongdoing. Yes, darling! they will speak +shameful things of you, poor innocent child! as well as of me, who +am guilty. They will throw it in your teeth through life, that your +mother was never married--was not married when you were born--" + +"Were not you married? Are not you a widow?" asked he abruptly, for +the first time getting anything like a clear idea of the real state +of the case. + +"No! May God forgive me, and help me!" exclaimed she, as she saw a +strange look of repugnance cloud over the boy's face, and felt a +slight motion on his part to extricate himself from her hold. It +was as slight, as transient as it could be--over in an instant. But +she had taken her hands away, and covered up her face with them as +quickly--covered up her face in shame before her child; and in the +bitterness of her heart she was wailing out, "Oh, would to God I had +died--that I had died as a baby--that I had died as a little baby +hanging at my mother's breast!" + +"Mother," said Leonard, timidly putting his hand on her arm; but she +shrunk from him, and continued her low, passionate wailing. "Mother," +said he, after a pause, coming nearer, though she saw it not--"mammy +darling," said he, using the caressing name, which he had been trying +to drop as not sufficiently manly, "mammy, my own, own dear, dear, +darling mother, I don't believe them--I don't, I don't, I don't, I +don't!" He broke out into a wild burst of crying as he said this. In +a moment her arms were round the poor boy, and she was hushing him +up like a baby on her bosom. "Hush, Leonard! Leonard, be still, my +child! I have been too sudden with you!--I have done you harm--oh! +I have done you nothing but harm," cried she, in a tone of bitter +self-reproach. + +"No, mother," said he, stopping his tears, and his eyes blazing out +with earnestness; "there never was such a mother as you have been to +me, and I won't believe any one who says it. I won't; and I'll knock +them down if they say it again, I will!" He clenched his fist, with a +fierce, defiant look on his face. + +"You forget, my child," said Ruth, in the sweetest, saddest tone that +ever was heard, "I said it of myself; I said it because it was true." +Leonard threw his arms tight round her, and hid his face against her +bosom. She felt him pant there like some hunted creature. She had no +soothing comfort to give him. "Oh, that she and he lay dead!" + +At last, exhausted, he lay so still and motionless, that she feared +to look. She wanted him to speak, yet dreaded his first words. +She kissed his hair, his head, his very clothes, murmuring low, +inarticulate, moaning sounds. + +"Leonard," said she, "Leonard, look up at me! Leonard, look up!" But +he only clung the closer, and hid his face the more. + +"My boy!" said she, "what can I do or say? If I tell you never to +mind it--that it is nothing--I tell you false. It is a bitter shame +and a sorrow that I have drawn down upon you. A shame, Leonard, +because of me, your mother; but, Leonard, it is no disgrace or +lowering of you in the eyes of God." She spoke now as if she had +found the clue which might lead him to rest and strength at last. +"Remember that, always. Remember that, when the time of trial +comes--and it seems a hard and cruel thing that you should be +called reproachful names by men, and all for what was no fault of +yours--remember God's pity and God's justice; and though my sin shall +have made you an outcast in the world--oh, my child, my child!"--(she +felt him kiss her, as if mutely trying to comfort her--it gave her +strength to go on)--"remember, darling of my heart, it is only your +own sin that can make you an outcast from God." + +She grew so faint that her hold of him relaxed. He looked up +affrighted. He brought her water--he threw it over her; in his terror +at the notion that she was going to die and leave him, he called her +by every fond name, imploring her to open her eyes. + +When she partially recovered, he helped her to the bed, on which +she lay still, wan and death-like. She almost hoped the swoon that +hung around her might be Death, and in that imagination she opened +her eyes to take a last look at her boy. She saw him pale and +terror-stricken; and pity for his affright roused her, and made her +forget herself in the wish that he should not see her death, if she +were indeed dying. + +"Go to Aunt Faith!" whispered she; "I am weary, and want sleep." + +Leonard arose slowly and reluctantly. She tried to smile upon him, +that what she thought would be her last look might dwell in his +remembrance as tender and strong; she watched him to the door; she +saw him hesitate, and return to her. He came back to her, and said in +a timid, apprehensive tone: + +"Mother--will _they_ speak to me about--it?" + +Ruth closed her eyes, that they might not express the agony she felt, +like a sharp knife, at this question. Leonard had asked it with a +child's desire of avoiding painful and mysterious topics,--from no +personal sense of shame as she understood it, shame beginning thus +early, thus instantaneously. + +"No," she replied. "You may be sure they will not." + +So he went. But now she would have been thankful for the +unconsciousness of fainting; that one little speech bore so much +meaning to her hot, irritable brain. Mr and Miss Benson, all in their +house, would never speak to the boy--but in his home alone would he +be safe from what he had already learnt to dread. Every form in which +shame and opprobrium could overwhelm her darling, haunted her. She +had been exercising strong self-control for his sake ever since she +had met him at the house-door; there was now a reaction. His presence +had kept her mind on its perfect balance. When that was withdrawn, +the effect of the strain of power was felt. And athwart the +fever-mists that arose to obscure her judgment, all sorts of +will-o'-the-wisp plans flittered before her; tempting her to this and +that course of action--to anything rather than patient endurance--to +relieve her present state of misery by some sudden spasmodic effort, +that took the semblance of being wise and right. Gradually all +her desires, all her longing, settled themselves on one point. +What had she done--what could she do, to Leonard, but evil? If she +were away, and gone no one knew where--lost in mystery, as if she +were dead--perhaps the cruel hearts might relent, and show pity +on Leonard; while her perpetual presence would but call up the +remembrance of his birth. Thus she reasoned in her hot, dull brain; +and shaped her plans in accordance. + +Leonard stole downstairs noiselessly. He listened to find some +quiet place where he could hide himself. The house was very still. +Miss Benson thought the purposed expedition had taken place, and +never dreamed but that Ruth and Leonard were on distant, sunny +Scaurside-hill; and after a very early dinner, she had set out to +drink tea with a farmer's wife who lived in the country two or three +miles off. Mr Benson meant to have gone with her; but while they were +at dinner, he had received an unusually authoritative note from Mr +Bradshaw desiring to speak with him, so he went to that gentleman's +house instead. Sally was busy in her kitchen, making a great noise +(not unlike a groom rubbing down a horse) over her cleaning. +Leonard stole into the sitting-room, and crouched behind the large +old-fashioned sofa to ease his sore, aching heart, by crying with all +the prodigal waste and abandonment of childhood. + +Mr Benson was shown into Mr Bradshaw's own particular room. The +latter gentleman was walking up and down, and it was easy to perceive +that something had occurred to chafe him to great anger. + +"Sit down, sir!" said he to Mr Benson, nodding to a chair. + +Mr Benson sat down. But Mr Bradshaw continued his walk for a few +minutes longer without speaking. Then he stopped abruptly, right in +front of Mr Benson; and in a voice which he tried to render calm, but +which trembled with passion--with a face glowing purple as he thought +of his wrongs (and real wrongs they were), he began: + +"Mr Benson, I have sent for you to ask--I am almost too indignant +at the bare suspicion to speak as becomes me--but did you--I really +shall be obliged to beg your pardon, if you are as much in the dark +as I was yesterday as to the character of that woman who lives under +your roof?" + +There was no answer from Mr Benson. Mr Bradshaw looked at him very +earnestly. His eyes were fixed on the ground--he made no inquiry--he +uttered no expression of wonder or dismay. Mr Bradshaw ground his +foot on the floor with gathering rage; but just as he was about to +speak, Mr Benson rose up--a poor deformed old man--before the stern +and portly figure that was swelling and panting with passion. + +"Hear me, sir!" (stretching out his hand as if to avert the words +which were impending). "Nothing you can say, can upbraid me like my +own conscience; no degradation you can inflict, by word or deed, can +come up to the degradation I have suffered for years, at being a +party to a deceit, even for a good end--" + +"For a good end!--Nay! what next?" + +The taunting contempt with which Mr Bradshaw spoke these words almost +surprised himself by what he imagined must be its successful power of +withering; but in spite of it, Mr Benson lifted his grave eyes to Mr +Bradshaw's countenance, and repeated: + +"For a good end. The end was not, as perhaps you consider it to have +been, to obtain her admission into your family--nor yet to put her in +the way of gaining her livelihood; my sister and I would willingly +have shared what we have with her; it was our intention to do so at +first, if not for any length of time, at least as long as her health +might require it. Why I advised (perhaps I only yielded to advice) +a change of name--an assumption of a false state of widowhood--was +because I earnestly desired to place her in circumstances in which +she might work out her self-redemption; and you, sir, know how +terribly the world goes against all such as have sinned as Ruth did. +She was so young, too." + +"You mistake, sir; my acquaintance has not lain so much among that +class of sinners as to give me much experience of the way in which +they are treated. But, judging from what I have seen, I should say +they meet with full as much leniency as they deserve; and supposing +they do not--I know there are plenty of sickly sentimentalists just +now who reserve all their interest and regard for criminals--why +not pick out one of these to help you in your task of washing the +blackamoor white? Why choose me to be imposed upon--my household into +which to intrude your protegee? Why were my innocent children to be +exposed to corruption? I say," said Mr Bradshaw, stamping his foot, +"how dared you come into this house, where you were looked upon as a +minister of religion, with a lie in your mouth? How dared you single +me out, of all people, to be gulled and deceived, and pointed at +through the town as the person who had taken an abandoned woman into +his house to teach his daughters?" + +"I own my deceit was wrong and faithless." + +"Yes! you can own it, now it is found out! There is small merit in +that, I think!" + +"Sir! I claim no merit. I take shame to myself. I did not single you +out. You applied to me with your proposal that Ruth should be your +children's governess." + +"Pah!" + +"And the temptation was too great-- No! I will not say that--but the +temptation was greater than I could stand--it seemed to open out a +path of usefulness." + +"Now, don't let me hear you speak so," said Mr Bradshaw, blazing +up. "I can't stand it. It is too much to talk in that way when the +usefulness was to consist in contaminating my innocent girls." + +"God knows that if I had believed there had been any danger of such +contamination--God knows how I would have died sooner than have +allowed her to enter your family. Mr Bradshaw, you believe me, don't +you?" asked Mr Benson, earnestly. + +"I really must be allowed the privilege of doubting what you say in +future," said Mr Bradshaw, in a cold, contemptuous manner. + +"I have deserved this," Mr Benson replied. "But," continued he, after +a moment's pause, "I will not speak of myself, but of Ruth. Surely, +sir, the end I aimed at (the means I took to obtain it were wrong; +you cannot feel that more than I do) was a right one; and you +will not--you cannot say, that your children have suffered from +associating with her. I had her in my family, under the watchful eyes +of three anxious persons for a year or more; we saw faults--no human +being is without them--and poor Ruth's were but slight venial errors; +but we saw no sign of a corrupt mind--no glimpse of boldness or +forwardness--no token of want of conscientiousness; she seemed, and +was, a young and gentle girl, who had been led astray before she +fairly knew what life was." + +"I suppose most depraved women have been innocent in their time," +said Mr Bradshaw, with bitter contempt. + +"Oh, Mr Bradshaw! Ruth was not depraved, and you know it. You cannot +have seen her--have known her daily, all these years, without +acknowledging that!" Mr Benson was almost breathless, awaiting Mr +Bradshaw's answer. The quiet self-control which he had maintained so +long, was gone now. + +"I saw her daily--I did _not_ know her. If I had known her, I should +have known she was fallen and depraved, and consequently not fit to +come into my house, nor to associate with my pure children." + +"Now I wish God would give me power to speak out convincingly what +I believe to be His truth, that not every woman who has fallen is +depraved; that many--how many the Great Judgment Day will reveal +to those who have shaken off the poor, sore, penitent hearts on +earth--many, many crave and hunger after a chance for virtue--the +help which no man gives to them--help--that gentle, tender help which +Jesus gave once to Mary Magdalen." Mr Benson was almost choked by his +own feelings. + +"Come, come, Mr Benson, let us have no more of this morbid way of +talking. The world has decided how such women are to be treated; and, +you may depend upon it, there is so much practical wisdom in the +world that its way of acting is right in the long run, and that no +one can fly in its face with impunity, unless, indeed, they stoop to +deceit and imposition." + +"I take my stand with Christ against the world," said Mr Benson, +solemnly, disregarding the covert allusion to himself. "What have the +world's ways ended in? Can we be much worse than we are?" + +"Speak for yourself, if you please." + +"Is it not time to change some of our ways of thinking and acting? I +declare before God, that if I believe in any one human truth, it is +this--that to every woman who, like Ruth, has sinned, should be given +a chance of self-redemption--and that such a chance should be given +in no supercilious or contemptuous manner, but in the spirit of the +holy Christ." + +"Such as getting her into a friend's house under false colours." + +"I do not argue on Ruth's case. In that I have acknowledged my error. +I do not argue on any case. I state my firm belief, that it is God's +will that we should not dare to trample any of His creatures down +to the hopeless dust; that it is God's will that the women who have +fallen should be numbered among those who have broken hearts to be +bound up, not cast aside as lost beyond recall. If this be God's +will, as a thing of God it will stand; and He will open a way." + +"I should have attached much more importance to all your exhortation +on this point if I could have respected your conduct in other +matters. As it is, when I see a man who has deluded himself into +considering falsehood right, I am disinclined to take his opinion on +subjects connected with morality; and I can no longer regard him as +a fitting exponent of the will of God. You perhaps understand what I +mean, Mr Benson. I can no longer attend your chapel." + +If Mr Benson had felt any hope of making Mr Bradshaw's obstinate +mind receive the truth, that he acknowledged and repented of his +connivance at the falsehood by means of which Ruth had been received +into the Bradshaw family, this last sentence prevented his making the +attempt. He simply bowed and took his leave--Mr Bradshaw attending +him to the door with formal ceremony. + +He felt acutely the severance of the tie which Mr Bradshaw had just +announced to him. He had experienced many mortifications in his +intercourse with that gentleman, but they had fallen off from +his meek spirit like drops of water from a bird's plumage; and +now he only remembered the acts of substantial kindness rendered +(the ostentation all forgotten)--many happy hours and pleasant +evenings--the children whom he had loved dearer than he thought +till now--the young people about whom he had cared, and whom he had +striven to lead aright. He was but a young man when Mr Bradshaw +first came to his chapel; they had grown old together; he had never +recognised Mr Bradshaw as an old familiar friend so completely as now +when they were severed. + +It was with a heavy heart that he opened his own door. He went to his +study immediately; he sat down to steady himself into his position. + +How long he was there--silent and alone--reviewing his +life--confessing his sins--he did not know; but he heard some unusual +sound in the house that disturbed him--roused him to present life. +A slow, languid step came along the passage to the front door--the +breathing was broken by many sighs. + +Ruth's hand was on the latch when Mr Benson came out. Her face +was very white, except two red spots on each cheek--her eyes were +deep-sunk and hollow, but glittered with feverish lustre. "Ruth!" +exclaimed he. She moved her lips, but her throat and mouth were too +dry for her to speak. + +"Where are you going?" asked he; for she had all her walking things +on, yet trembled so, even as she stood, that it was evident she could +not walk far without falling. + +She hesitated--she looked up at him, still with the same dry +glittering eyes. At last she whispered (for she could only speak in a +whisper), "To Helmsby--I am going to Helmsby." + +"Helmsby! my poor girl--may God have mercy upon you!" for he saw she +hardly knew what she was saying. "Where is Helmsby?" + +"I don't know. In Lincolnshire, I think." + +"But why are you going there?" + +"Hush! he's asleep," said she, as Mr Benson had unconsciously raised +his voice. + +"Who is asleep?" asked Mr Benson. + +"That poor little boy," said she, beginning to quiver and cry. + +"Come here!" said he, authoritatively, drawing her into the study. + +"Sit down in that chair. I will come back directly." + +He went in search of his sister, but she had not returned. Then he +had recourse to Sally, who was as busy as ever about her cleaning. + +"How long has Ruth been at home?" asked he. + +"Ruth! She has never been at home sin' morning. She and Leonard were +to be off for the day somewhere or other with them Bradshaw girls." + +"Then she has had no dinner?" + +"Not here, at any rate. I can't answer for what she may have done at +other places." + +"And Leonard--where is he?" + +"How should I know? With his mother, I suppose. Leastways, that was +what was fixed on. I've enough to do of my own, without routing after +other folks." + +She went on scouring in no very good temper. Mr Benson stood silent +for a moment. + +"Sally," he said, "I want a cup of tea. Will you make it as soon as +you can; and some dry toast too? I'll come for it in ten minutes." + +Struck by something in his voice, she looked up at him for the first +time. + +"What ha' ye been doing to yourself, to look so grim and grey? Tiring +yourself all to tatters, looking after some naught, I'll be bound! +Well! well! I mun make ye your tea, I reckon; but I did hope as you +grew older you'd ha' grown wiser!" + +Mr Benson made no reply, but went to look for Leonard, hoping that +the child's presence might bring back to his mother the power of +self-control. He opened the parlour-door, and looked in, but saw no +one. Just as he was shutting it, however, he heard a deep, broken, +sobbing sigh; and, guided by the sound, he found the boy lying on the +floor, fast asleep, but with his features all swollen and disfigured +by passionate crying. + +"Poor child! This was what she meant, then," thought Mr Benson. "He +has begun his share of the sorrows too," he continued, pitifully. +"No! I will not waken him back to consciousness." So he returned +alone into the study. Ruth sat where he had placed her, her head bent +back, and her eyes shut. But when he came in she started up. + +"I must be going," she said, in a hurried way. + +"Nay, Ruth, you must not go. You must not leave us. We cannot do +without you. We love you too much." + +"Love me!" said she, looking at him wistfully. As she looked, her +eyes filled slowly with tears. It was a good sign, and Mr Benson took +heart to go on. + +"Yes! Ruth. You know we do. You may have other things to fill up your +mind just now, but you know we love you; and nothing can alter our +love for you. You ought not to have thought of leaving us. You would +not, if you had been quite well." + +"Do you know what has happened?" she asked, in a low, hoarse voice. + +"Yes. I know all," he answered. "It makes no difference to us. Why +should it?" + +"Oh! Mr Benson, don't you know that my shame is discovered?" she +replied, bursting into tears--"and I must leave you, and leave +Leonard, that you may not share in my disgrace." + +"You must do no such thing. Leave Leonard! You have no right to leave +Leonard. Where could you go to?" + +"To Helmsby," she said, humbly. "It would break my heart to go, but +I think I ought, for Leonard's sake. I know I ought." She was crying +sadly by this time, but Mr Benson knew the flow of tears would ease +her brain. "It will break my heart to go, but I know I must." + +"Sit still here at present," said he, in a decided tone of command. +He went for the cup of tea. He brought it to her without Sally's +being aware for whom it was intended. + +"Drink this!" He spoke as you would do to a child, if desiring it +to take medicine. "Eat some toast." She took the tea, and drank it +feverishly; but when she tried to eat, the food seemed to choke her. +Still she was docile, and she tried. + +"I cannot," said she at last, putting down the piece of toast. There +was a return to something of her usual tone in the words. She spoke +gently and softly; no longer in the shrill, hoarse voice she had used +at first. Mr Benson sat down by her. + +"Now, Ruth, we must talk a little together. I want to understand what +your plan was. Where is Helmsby? Why did you fix to go there?" + +"It is where my mother lived," she answered. "Before she was married +she lived there; and wherever she lived, the people all loved her +dearly; and I thought--I think, that for her sake some one would give +me work. I meant to tell them the truth," said she, dropping her +eyes; "but still they would, perhaps, give me some employment--I +don't care what--for her sake. I could do many things," said she, +suddenly looking up. "I am sure I could weed--I could in gardens--if +they did not like to have me in their houses. But perhaps some one, +for my mother's sake--oh! my dear, dear mother!--do you know where +and what I am?" she cried out, sobbing afresh. + +Mr Benson's heart was very sore, though he spoke authoritatively, and +almost sternly. + +"Ruth! you must be still and quiet. I cannot have this. I want you +to listen to me. Your thought of Helmsby would be a good one, if it +was right for you to leave Eccleston; but I do not think it is. I +am certain of this, that it would be a great sin in you to separate +yourself from Leonard. You have no right to sever the tie by which +God has bound you together." + +"But if I am here they will all know and remember the shame of his +birth; and if I go away they may forget--" + +"And they may not. And if you go away, he may be unhappy or ill; and +you, who above all others have--and have from God--remember _that_, +Ruth!--the power to comfort him, the tender patience to nurse him, +have left him to the care of strangers. Yes; I know! But we ourselves +are as strangers, dearly as we love him, compared to a mother. He may +turn to sin, and want the long forbearance, the serene authority of +a parent; and where are you? No dread of shame, either for yourself, +or even for him, can ever make it right for you to shake off your +responsibility." All this time he was watching her narrowly, and saw +her slowly yield herself up to the force of what he was saying. + +"Besides, Ruth," he continued, "we have gone on falsely hitherto. It +has been my doing, my mistake, my sin. I ought to have known better. +Now, let us stand firm on the truth. You have no new fault to repent +of. Be brave and faithful. It is to God you answer, not to men. The +shame of having your sin known to the world, should be as nothing to +the shame you felt at having sinned. We have dreaded men too much, +and God too little, in the course we have taken. But now be of good +cheer. Perhaps you will have to find your work in the world very +low--not quite working in the fields," said he, with a gentle smile, +to which she, downcast and miserable, could give no response. "Nay, +perhaps, Ruth," he went on, "you may have to stand and wait for some +time; no one may be willing to use the services you would gladly +render; all may turn aside from you, and may speak very harshly of +you. Can you accept all this treatment meekly, as but the reasonable +and just penance God has laid upon you--feeling no anger against +those who slight you, no impatience for the time to come (and come it +surely will--I speak as having the word of God for what I say) when +He, having purified you, even as by fire, will make a straight path +for your feet? My child, it is Christ the Lord who has told us of +this infinite mercy of God. Have you faith enough in it to be brave, +and bear on, and do rightly in patience and in tribulation?" + +Ruth had been hushed and very still until now, when the pleading +earnestness of his question urged her to answer: + +"Yes!" said she. "I hope--I believe I can be faithful for myself, for +I have sinned and done wrong. But Leonard--" She looked up at him. + +"But Leonard," he echoed. "Ah! there it is hard, Ruth. I own the +world is hard and persecuting to such as he." He paused to think +of the true comfort for this sting. He went on. "The world is not +everything, Ruth; nor is the want of men's good opinion and esteem +the highest need which man has. Teach Leonard this. You would not +wish his life to be one summer's day. You dared not make it so, if +you had the power. Teach him to bid a noble, Christian welcome to +the trials which God sends--and this is one of them. Teach him not +to look on a life of struggle, and perhaps of disappointment and +incompleteness, as a sad and mournful end, but as the means permitted +to the heroes and warriors in the army of Christ, by which to show +their faithful following. Tell him of the hard and thorny path which +was trodden once by the bleeding feet of One. Ruth! think of the +Saviour's life and cruel death, and of His divine faithfulness. Oh, +Ruth!" exclaimed he, "when I look and see what you may be--what you +_must_ be to that boy, I cannot think how you could be coward enough, +for a moment, to shrink from your work! But we have all been cowards +hitherto," he added, in bitter self-accusation. "God help us to be so +no longer!" + +Ruth sat very quiet. Her eyes were fixed on the ground, and she +seemed lost in thought. At length she rose up. + +"Mr Benson!" said she, standing before him, and propping herself by +the table, as she was trembling sadly from weakness, "I mean to try +very, very hard, to do my duty to Leonard--and to God," she added, +reverently. "I am only afraid my faith may sometimes fail about +Leonard--" + +"Ask, and it shall be given unto you. That is no vain or untried +promise, Ruth!" + +She sat down again, unable longer to stand. There was another long +silence. + +"I must never go to Mr Bradshaw's again," she said at last, as if +thinking aloud. + +"No, Ruth, you shall not," he answered. + +"But I shall earn no money!" added she, quickly, for she thought that +he did not perceive the difficulty that was troubling her. + +"You surely know, Ruth, that while Faith and I have a roof to shelter +us, or bread to eat, you and Leonard share it with us." + +"I know--I know your most tender goodness," said she, "but it ought +not to be." + +"It must be at present," he said, in a decided manner. "Perhaps +before long you may have some employment; perhaps it may be some time +before an opportunity occurs." + +"Hush," said Ruth; "Leonard is moving about in the parlour. I must go +to him." + +But when she stood up, she turned so dizzy, and tottered so much, +that she was glad to sit down again immediately. + +"You must rest here. I will go to him," said Mr Benson. He left her; +and when he was gone, she leaned her head on the back of the chair, +and cried quietly and incessantly; but there was a more patient, +hopeful, resolved feeling in her heart, which all along, through all +the tears she shed, bore her onwards to higher thoughts, until at +last she rose to prayers. + +Mr Benson caught the new look of shrinking shame in Leonard's eye, as +it first sought, then shunned, meeting his. He was pained, too, by +the sight of the little sorrowful, anxious face, on which, until now, +hope and joy had been predominant. The constrained voice, the few +words the boy spoke, when formerly there would have been a glad and +free utterance--all this grieved Mr Benson inexpressibly, as but the +beginning of an unwonted mortification, which must last for years. +He himself made no allusion to any unusual occurrence; he spoke of +Ruth as sitting, overcome by headache, in the study for quietness: +he hurried on the preparations for tea, while Leonard sat by in the +great arm-chair, and looked on with sad, dreamy eyes. He strove +to lessen the shock which he knew Leonard had received, by every +mixture of tenderness and cheerfulness that Mr Benson's gentle heart +prompted; and now and then a languid smile stole over the boy's face. +When his bedtime came, Mr Benson told him of the hour, although +he feared that Leonard would have but another sorrowful crying of +himself to sleep; but he was anxious to accustom the boy to cheerful +movement within the limits of domestic law, and by no disobedience to +it to weaken the power of glad submission to the Supreme; to begin +the new life that lay before him, where strength to look up to God +as the Law-giver and Ruler of events would be pre-eminently required. +When Leonard had gone upstairs, Mr Benson went immediately to Ruth, +and said, + +"Ruth! Leonard is just gone up to bed," secure in the instinct which +made her silently rise, and go up to the boy--certain, too, that +they would each be the other's best comforter, and that God would +strengthen each through the other. + +Now, for the first time, he had leisure to think of himself; and to +go over all the events of the day. The half-hour of solitude in his +study, that he had before his sister's return, was of inestimable +value; he had leisure to put events in their true places, as to +importance and eternal significance. + +Miss Faith came in laden with farm produce. Her kind entertainers had +brought her in their shandry to the opening of the court in which +the Chapel-house stood; but she was so heavily burdened with eggs, +mushrooms, and plums, that when her brother opened the door she was +almost breathless. + +"Oh, Thurstan! take this basket--it is such a weight! Oh, Sally, +is that you? Here are some magnum-bonums which we must preserve +to-morrow. There are guinea-fowl eggs in that basket." + +Mr Benson let her unburden her body, and her mind too, by giving +charges to Sally respecting her housekeeping treasures, before he +said a word; but when she returned into the study, to tell him the +small pieces of intelligence respecting her day at the farm, she +stood aghast. + +"Why, Thurstan, dear! What's the matter? Is your back hurting you?" + +He smiled to reassure her; but it was a sickly and forced smile. + +"No, Faith! I am quite well, only rather out of spirits, and wanting +to talk to you to cheer me." + +Miss Faith sat down, straight, sitting bolt-upright to listen the +better. + +"I don't know how, but the real story about Ruth is found out." + +"Oh, Thurstan!" exclaimed Miss Benson, turning quite white. + +For a moment, neither of them said another word. Then she went on. + +"Does Mr Bradshaw know?" + +"Yes! He sent for me, and told me." + +"Does Ruth know that it has all come out?" + +"Yes. And Leonard knows." + +"How? Who told him?" + +"I do not know. I have asked no questions. But of course it was his +mother." + +"She was very foolish and cruel, then," said Miss Benson, her eyes +blazing, and her lips trembling, at the thought of the suffering her +darling boy must have gone through. + +"I think she was wise. I am sure it was not cruel. He must have soon +known that there was some mystery, and it was better that it should +be told him openly and quietly by his mother than by a stranger." + +"How could she tell him quietly?" asked Miss Benson, still indignant. + +"Well! perhaps I used the wrong word--of course no one was by--and I +don't suppose even they themselves could now tell how it was told, or +in what spirit it was borne." + +Miss Benson was silent again. + +"Was Mr Bradshaw very angry?" + +"Yes, very; and justly so. I did very wrong in making that false +statement at first." + +"No! I am sure you did not," said Miss Faith. "Ruth has had some +years of peace, in which to grow stronger and wiser, so that she can +bear her shame now in a way she never could have done at first." + +"All the same it was wrong in me to do what I did." + +"I did it too, as much or more than you. And I don't think it wrong. +I'm certain it was quite right, and I would do just the same again." + +"Perhaps it has not done you the harm it has done me." + +"Nonsense! Thurstan. Don't be morbid. I'm sure you are as good--and +better than ever you were." + +"No, I am not. I have got what you call morbid just in consequence of +the sophistry by which I persuaded myself that wrong could be right. +I torment myself. I have lost my clear instincts of conscience. +Formerly, if I believed that such or such an action was according +to the will of God, I went and did it, or at least I tried to do it, +without thinking of consequences. Now, I reason and weigh what will +happen if I do so and so--I grope where formerly I saw. Oh, Faith! it +is such a relief to me to have the truth known, that I am afraid I +have not been sufficiently sympathising with Ruth." + +"Poor Ruth!" said Miss Benson. "But at any rate our telling a lie has +been the saving of her. There is no fear of her going wrong now." + +"God's omnipotence did not need our sin." + +They did not speak for some time. + +"You have not told me what Mr Bradshaw said." + +"One can't remember the exact words that are spoken on either side in +moments of such strong excitement. He was very angry, and said some +things about me that were very just, and some about Ruth that were +very hard. His last words were that he should give up coming to +chapel." + +"Oh, Thurstan! did it come to that?" + +"Yes." + +"Does Ruth know all he said?" + +"No! Why should she? I don't know if she knows he has spoken to me at +all. Poor creature! she had enough to craze her almost without that! +She was for going away and leaving us, that we might not share in her +disgrace. I was afraid of her being quite delirious. I did so want +you, Faith! However, I did the best I could; I spoke to her very +coldly, and almost sternly, all the while my heart was bleeding for +her. I dared not give her sympathy; I tried to give her strength. But +I did so want you, Faith." + +"And I was so full of enjoyment, I am ashamed to think of it. But the +Dawsons are so kind--and the day was so fine-- Where is Ruth now?" + +"With Leonard. He is her great earthly motive--I thought that being +with him would be best. But he must be in bed and asleep now." + +"I will go up to her," said Miss Faith. + +She found Ruth keeping watch by Leonard's troubled sleep; but when +she saw Miss Faith she rose up, and threw herself on her neck and +clung to her, without speaking. After a while Miss Benson said: + +"You must go to bed, Ruth!" So, after she had kissed the sleeping +boy, Miss Benson led her away, and helped to undress her, and brought +her up a cup of soothing violet tea--not so soothing as tender +actions and soft loving tones. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII + +An Understanding Between Lovers + + +It was well they had so early and so truly strengthened the spirit +to bear, for the events which had to be endured soon came thick and +threefold. + +Every evening Mr and Miss Benson thought the worst must be over; +and every day brought some fresh occurrence to touch upon the raw +place. They could not be certain, until they had seen all their +acquaintances, what difference it would make in the cordiality of +their reception: in some cases it made much; and Miss Benson was +proportionably indignant. She felt this change in behaviour more than +her brother. His great pain arose from the coolness of the Bradshaws. +With all the faults which had at times grated on his sensitive +nature (but which he now forgot, and remembered only their kindness), +they were his old familiar friends--his kind, if ostentatious, +patrons--his great personal interest, out of his own family; and he +could not get over the suffering he experienced from seeing their +large square pew empty on Sundays--from perceiving how Mr Bradshaw, +though he bowed in a distant manner when he and Mr Benson met face to +face, shunned him as often as he possibly could. All that happened in +the household, which once was as patent to him as his own, was now +a sealed book; he heard of its doings by chance, if he heard at all. +Just at the time when he was feeling the most depressed from this +cause, he met Jemima at a sudden turn of the street. He was uncertain +for a moment how to accost her, but she saved him all doubt; in an +instant she had his hand in both of hers, her face flushed with +honest delight. + +"Oh, Mr Benson, I am so glad to see you! I have so wanted to know all +about you! How is poor Ruth? dear Ruth! I wonder if she has forgiven +me my cruelty to her? And I may not go to her now, when I should be +so glad and thankful to make up for it." + +"I never heard you had been cruel to her. I am sure she does not +think so." + +"She ought; she must. What is she doing? Oh! I have so much to ask, I +can never hear enough; and papa says"--she hesitated a moment, afraid +of giving pain, and then, believing that they would understand the +state of affairs, and the reason for her behaviour better if she told +the truth, she went on: "Papa says I must not go to your house--I +suppose it's right to obey him?" + +"Certainly, my dear. It is your clear duty. We know how you feel +towards us." + +"Oh! but if I could do any good--if I could be of any use or comfort +to any of you--especially to Ruth, I should come, duty or not. I +believe it would be my duty," said she, hurrying on to try and stop +any decided prohibition from Mr Benson. "No! don't be afraid; I won't +come till I know I can do some good. I hear bits about you through +Sally every now and then, or I could not have waited so long. Mr +Benson," continued she, reddening very much, "I think you did quite +right about poor Ruth." + +"Not in the falsehood, my dear." + +"No! not perhaps in that. I was not thinking of that. But I have been +thinking a great deal about poor Ruth's--you know I could not help it +when everybody was talking about it--and it made me think of myself, +and what I am. With a father and mother, and home and careful +friends, I am not likely to be tempted like Ruth; but oh! Mr Benson," +said she, lifting her eyes, which were full of tears, to his face, +for the first time since she began to speak, "if you knew all I have +been thinking and feeling this last year, you would see how I have +yielded to every temptation that was able to come to me; and, seeing +how I have no goodness or strength in me, and how I might just have +been like Ruth, or rather, worse than she ever was, because I am more +headstrong and passionate by nature, I do so thank you and love you +for what you did for her! And will you tell me really and truly now +if I can ever do anything for Ruth? If you'll promise me that, I +won't rebel unnecessarily against papa; but if you don't, I will, and +come and see you all this very afternoon. Remember! I trust you!" +said she, breaking away. Then turning back, she came to ask after +Leonard. + +"He must know something of it," said she. "Does he feel it much?" + +"Very much," said Mr Benson. Jemima shook her head sadly. + +"It is hard upon him," said she. + +"It is," Mr Benson replied. + +For in truth, Leonard was their greatest anxiety indoors. His health +seemed shaken, he spoke half sentences in his sleep, which showed +that in his dreams he was battling on his mother's behalf against an +unkind and angry world. And then he would wail to himself, and utter +sad words of shame, which they never thought had reached his ears. By +day, he was in general grave and quiet; but his appetite varied, and +he was evidently afraid of going into the streets, dreading to be +pointed at as an object of remark. Each separately in their hearts +longed to give him change of scene, but they were all silent, for +where was the requisite money to come from? + +His temper became fitful and variable. At times he would be most +sullen against his mother; and then give way to a passionate remorse. +When Mr Benson caught Ruth's look of agony at her child's rebuffs, +his patience failed; or rather, I should say, he believed that a +stronger, severer hand than hers was required for the management of +the lad. But, when she heard Mr Benson say so, she pleaded with him. + +"Have patience with Leonard," she said. "I have deserved the anger +that is fretting in his heart. It is only I who can reinstate myself +in his love and respect. I have no fear. When he sees me really +striving hard and long to do what is right, he must love me. I am not +afraid." + +Even while she spoke, her lips quivered, and her colour went and came +with eager anxiety. So Mr Benson held his peace, and let her take her +course. It was beautiful to see the intuition by which she divined +what was passing in every fold of her child's heart, so as to be +always ready with the right words to soothe or to strengthen him. Her +watchfulness was unwearied, and with no thought of self-tainting in +it, or else she might have often paused to turn aside and weep at the +clouds of shame which came over Leonard's love for her, and hid it +from all but her faithful heart; she believed and knew that he was +yet her own affectionate boy, although he might be gloomily silent, +or apparently hard and cold. And in all this, Mr Benson could not +choose but admire the way in which she was insensibly teaching +Leonard to conform to the law of right, to recognise Duty in the mode +in which every action was performed. When Mr Benson saw this, he +knew that all goodness would follow, and that the claims which his +mother's infinite love had on the boy's heart would be acknowledged +at last, and all the more fully because she herself never urged them, +but silently admitted the force of the reason that caused them to be +for a time forgotten. By-and-by Leonard's remorse at his ungracious +and sullen ways to his mother--ways that alternated with passionate, +fitful bursts of clinging love--assumed more the character of +repentance; he tried to do so no more. But still his health was +delicate; he was averse to going out-of-doors; he was much graver +and sadder than became his age. It was what must be, an inevitable +consequence of what had been; and Ruth had to be patient, and pray in +secret, and with many tears, for the strength she needed. + +She knew what it was to dread the going out into the streets after +her story had become known. For days and days she had silently shrunk +from this effort. But one evening towards dusk, Miss Benson was busy, +and asked her to go an errand for her; and Ruth got up and silently +obeyed her. That silence as to inward suffering was only one part of +her peculiar and exquisite sweetness of nature; part of the patience +with which she "accepted her penance." Her true instincts told her +that it was not right to disturb others with many expressions of her +remorse; that the holiest repentance consisted in a quiet and daily +sacrifice. Still there were times when she wearied pitifully of +her inaction. She was so willing to serve and work, and every one +despised her services. Her mind, as I have said before, had been +well cultivated during these last few years; so now she used all the +knowledge she had gained in teaching Leonard, which was an employment +that Mr Benson relinquished willingly, because he felt that it would +give her some of the occupation that she needed. She endeavoured to +make herself useful in the house in every way she could; but the +waters of housekeeping had closed over her place during the time of +her absence at Mr Bradshaw's--and, besides, now that they were trying +to restrict every unnecessary expense, it was sometimes difficult +to find work for three women. Many and many a time Ruth turned over +in her mind every possible chance of obtaining employment for her +leisure hours, and nowhere could she find it. Now and then Sally, who +was her confidante in this wish, procured her some needlework, but +it was of a coarse and common kind, soon done, lightly paid for. But +whatever it was, Ruth took it, and was thankful, although it added +but a few pence to the household purse. I do not mean that there was +any great need of money; but a new adjustment of expenditure was +required--a reduction of wants which had never been very extravagant. + +Ruth's salary of forty pounds was gone, while more of her "keep," +as Sally called it, was thrown upon the Bensons. Mr Benson received +about eighty pounds a year for his salary as minister. Of this, he +knew that twenty pounds came from Mr Bradshaw; and when the old man +appointed to collect the pew-rents brought him the quarterly amount, +and he found no diminution in them, he inquired how it was, and +learnt that, although Mr Bradshaw had expressed to the collector his +determination never to come to chapel again, he had added, that of +course his pew-rent should be paid all the same. But this Mr Benson +could not suffer; and the old man was commissioned to return the +money to Mr Bradshaw, as being what his deserted minister could not +receive. + +Mr and Miss Benson had about thirty or forty pounds coming in +annually from a sum which, in happier days, Mr Bradshaw had invested +in Canal shares for them. Altogether their income did not fall much +short of a hundred a year, and they lived in the Chapel-house free of +rent. So Ruth's small earnings were but very little in actual hard +commercial account, though in another sense they were much; and Miss +Benson always received them with quiet simplicity. By degrees, Mr +Benson absorbed some of Ruth's time in a gracious and natural way. He +employed her mind in all the kind offices he was accustomed to render +to the poor around him. And as much of the peace and ornament of life +as they gained now, was gained on a firm basis of truth. If Ruth +began low down to find her place in the world, at any rate there was +no flaw in the foundation. + +Leonard was still their great anxiety. At times the question seemed +to be, could he live through all this trial of the elasticity of +childhood? And then they knew how precious a blessing--how true a +pillar of fire, he was to his mother; and how black the night, and +how dreary the wilderness would be, when he was not. The child and +the mother were each messengers of God--angels to each other. + +They had long gaps between the pieces of intelligence respecting +the Bradshaws. Mr Bradshaw had at length purchased the house at +Abermouth, and they were much there. The way in which the Bensons +heard most frequently of the family of their former friends, was +through Mr Farquhar. He called on Mr Benson about a month after the +latter had met Jemima in the street. Mr Farquhar was not in the habit +of paying calls on any one; and though he had always entertained and +evinced the most kind and friendly feeling towards Mr Benson, he had +rarely been in the Chapel-house. Mr Benson received him courteously, +but he rather expected that there would be some especial reason +alleged, before the conclusion of the visit, for its occurrence; more +particularly as Mr Farquhar sat talking on the topics of the day in a +somewhat absent manner, as if they were not the subjects most present +to his mind. The truth was, he could not help recurring to the last +time when he was in that room, waiting to take Leonard a ride, and +his heart beating rather more quickly than usual at the idea that +Ruth might bring the boy in when he was equipped. He was very full +now of the remembrance of Ruth; and yet he was also most thankful, +most self-gratulatory, that he had gone no further in his admiration +of her--that he had never expressed his regard in words--that no one, +as he believed, was cognisant of the incipient love which had grown +partly out of his admiration, and partly out of his reason. He was +thankful to be spared any implication in the nine-days' wonder which +her story had made in Eccleston. And yet his feeling for her had been +of so strong a character, that he winced, as with extreme pain, at +every application of censure to her name. These censures were often +exaggerated, it is true; but when they were just in their judgment of +the outward circumstances of the case, they were not the less painful +and distressing to him. His first rebound to Jemima was occasioned by +Mrs Bradshaw's account of how severely her husband was displeased at +her daughter's having taken part with Ruth; and he could have thanked +and almost blessed Jemima when she dropped in (she dared do no more) +her pleading excuses and charitable explanations on Ruth's behalf. +Jemima had learnt some humility from the discovery which had been +to her so great a shock; standing, she had learnt to take heed lest +she fell; and when she had once been aroused to a perception of the +violence of the hatred which she had indulged against Ruth, she was +more reticent and measured in the expression of all her opinions. It +showed how much her character had been purified from pride, that now +she felt aware that what in her was again attracting Mr Farquhar was +her faithful advocacy of her rival, wherever such advocacy was wise +or practicable. He was quite unaware that Jemima had been conscious +of his great admiration for Ruth; he did not know that she had ever +cared enough for him to be jealous. But the unacknowledged bond +between them now was their grief, and sympathy, and pity for Ruth; +only in Jemima these feelings were ardent, and would fain have +become active; while in Mr Farquhar they were strongly mingled +with thankfulness that he had escaped a disagreeable position, +and a painful notoriety. His natural caution induced him to make +a resolution never to think of any woman as a wife until he had +ascertained all her antecedents, from her birth upwards; and the +same spirit of caution, directed inwardly, made him afraid of giving +too much pity to Ruth, for fear of the conclusions to which such +a feeling might lead him. But still his old regard for her, for +Leonard, and his esteem and respect for the Bensons, induced him to +lend a willing ear to Jemima's earnest entreaty that he would go and +call on Mr Benson, in order that she might learn something about the +family in general, and Ruth in particular. It was thus that he came +to sit by Mr Benson's study fire, and to talk, in an absent way, to +that gentleman. How they got on the subject he did not know, more +than one-half of his attention being distracted; but they were +speaking about politics, when Mr Farquhar learned that Mr Benson took +in no newspaper. + +"Will you allow me to send you over my _Times_? I have generally +done with it before twelve o'clock, and after that it is really +waste-paper in my house. You will oblige me by making use of it." + +"I am sure I am very much obliged to you for thinking of it. But do +not trouble yourself to send it; Leonard can fetch it." + +"How is Leonard now?" asked Mr Farquhar, and he tried to speak +indifferently; but a grave look of intelligence clouded his eyes as +he looked for Mr Benson's answer. "I have not met him lately." + +"No!" said Mr Benson, with an expression of pain in his countenance, +though he, too, strove to speak in his usual tone. + +"Leonard is not strong, and we find it difficult to induce him to go +much out-of-doors." + +There was a little silence for a minute or two, during which Mr +Farquhar had to check an unbidden sigh. But, suddenly rousing himself +into a determination to change the subject, he said: + +"You will find rather a lengthened account of the exposure of Sir +Thomas Campbell's conduct at Baden. He seems to be a complete +blackleg, in spite of his baronetcy. I fancy the papers are glad to +get hold of anything just now." + +"Who is Sir Thomas Campbell?" asked Mr Benson. + +"Oh, I thought you might have heard the report--a true one, I +believe--of Mr Donne's engagement to his daughter. He must be glad +she jilted him now, I fancy, after this public exposure of her +father's conduct." (That was an awkward speech, as Mr Farquhar felt; +and he hastened to cover it, by going on without much connexion:) + +"Dick Bradshaw is my informant about all these projected marriages +in high life--they are not much in my way; but since he has come +down from London to take his share in the business, I think I have +heard more of the news and the scandal of what, I suppose, would +be considered high life, than ever I did before; and Mr Donne's +proceedings seem to be an especial object of interest to him." + +"And Mr Donne is engaged to a Miss Campbell, is he?" + +"Was engaged; if I understood right, she broke off the engagement to +marry some Russian prince or other--a better match, Dick Bradshaw +told me. I assure you," continued Mr Farquhar, smiling, "I am a very +passive recipient of all such intelligence, and might very probably +have forgotten all about it, if the _Times_ of this morning had not +been so full of the disgrace of the young lady's father." + +"Richard Bradshaw has quite left London, has he?" asked Mr Benson, +who felt far more interest in his old patron's family than in all the +Campbells that ever were or ever would be. + +"Yes. He has come to settle down here. I hope he may do well, and not +disappoint his father, who has formed very high expectations from +him; I am not sure if they are not too high for any young man to +realise." Mr Farquhar could have said more, but Dick Bradshaw was +Jemima's brother, and an object of anxiety to her. + +"I am sure, I trust such a mortification--such a grief as any +disappointment in Richard, may not befall his father," replied Mr +Benson. + +"Jemima--Miss Bradshaw," said Mr Farquhar, hesitating, "was most +anxious to hear of you all. I hope I may tell her you are all well" +(with an emphasis on _all_); "that--" + +"Thank you. Thank her for us. We are all well; all except Leonard, +who is not strong, as I said before. But we must be patient. Time, +and such devoted, tender love as he has from his mother, must do +much." + +Mr Farquhar was silent. + +"Send him to my house for the papers. It will be a little necessity +for him to have some regular exercise, and to face the world. He must +do it, sooner or later." + +The two gentlemen shook hands with each other on parting; but no +further allusion was made to either Ruth or Leonard. + +So Leonard went for the papers. Stealing along by back +streets--running with his head bent down--his little heart panting +with dread of being pointed out as his mother's child--so he used to +come back, and run trembling to Sally, who would hush him up to her +breast with many a rough-spoken word of pity and sympathy. + +Mr Farquhar tried to catch him to speak to him, and tame him as it +were; and, by-and-by, he contrived to interest him sufficiently to +induce the boy to stay a little while in the house, or stables, or +garden. But the race through the streets was always to be dreaded as +the end of ever so pleasant a visit. + +Mr Farquhar kept up the intercourse with the Bensons which he had +thus begun. He persevered in paying calls--quiet visits, where +not much was said, political or local news talked about, and the +same inquiries always made and answered as to the welfare of the +two families, who were estranged from each other. Mr Farquhar's +reports were so little varied that Jemima grew anxious to know more +particulars. + +"Oh, Mr Farquhar!" said she; "do you think they tell you the truth? I +wonder what Ruth can be doing to support herself and Leonard? Nothing +that you can hear of, you say; and, of course, one must not ask the +downright question. And yet I am sure they must be pinched in some +way. Do you think Leonard is stronger?" + +"I am not sure. He is growing fast; and such a blow as he has had +will be certain to make him more thoughtful and full of care than +most boys of his age; both these circumstances may make him thin and +pale, which he certainly is." + +"Oh! how I wish I might go and see them all! I could tell in a +twinkling the real state of things." She spoke with a tinge of her +old impatience. + +"I will go again, and pay particular attention to anything you wish +me to observe. You see, of course, I feel a delicacy about asking +any direct questions, or even alluding in any way to these late +occurrences." + +"And you never see Ruth by any chance?" + +"Never!" + +They did not look at each other while this last question was asked +and answered. + +"I will take the paper to-morrow myself; it will be an excuse for +calling again, and I will try to be very penetrating; but I have not +much hope of success." + +"Oh, thank you. It is giving you a great deal of trouble; but you are +very kind." + +"Kind, Jemima!" he repeated, in a tone which made her go very red +and hot; "must I tell you how you can reward me?--Will you call me +Walter?--say, thank you, Walter--just for once." + +Jemima felt herself yielding to the voice and tone in which this was +spoken; but her very consciousness of the depth of her love made her +afraid of giving way, and anxious to be wooed, that she might be +reinstated in her self-esteem. + +"No!" said she, "I don't think I can call you so. You are too old. It +would not be respectful." She meant it half in joke, and had no idea +he would take the allusion to his age so seriously as he did. He rose +up, and coldly, as a matter of form, in a changed voice, wished her +"Good-bye." Her heart sank; yet the old pride was there. But as he +was at the very door, some sudden impulse made her speak: + +"I have not vexed you, have I, Walter?" + +He turned round, glowing with a thrill of delight. She was as red as +any rose; her looks dropped down to the ground. + +They were not raised when, half an hour afterwards, she said, "You +won't forbid my going to see Ruth, will you? because if you do, +I give you notice I shall disobey you." The arm around her waist +clasped her yet more fondly at the idea, suggested by this speech, of +the control which he should have a right to exercise over her actions +at some future day. + +"Tell me," said he, "how much of your goodness to me, this last happy +hour, has been owing to the desire of having more freedom as a wife +than as a daughter?" + +She was almost glad that he should think she needed any additional +motive to her love for him before she could have accepted him. She +was afraid that she had betrayed the deep, passionate regard with +which she had long looked upon him. She was lost in delight at her +own happiness. She was silent for a time. At length she said: + +"I don't think you know how faithful I have been to you ever since +the days when you first brought me pistachio-candy from London--when +I was quite a little girl." + +"Not more faithful than I have been to you," for in truth, the +recollection of his love for Ruth had utterly faded away, and he +thought himself a model of constancy; "and you have tried me pretty +well. What a vixen you have been!" + +Jemima sighed; smitten with the consciousness of how little she had +deserved her present happiness; humble with the recollection of the +evil thoughts that had raged in her heart during the time (which she +remembered well, though he might have forgotten it) when Ruth had had +the affection which her jealous rival coveted. + +"I may speak to your father, may not I, Jemima?" + +No! for some reason or fancy which she could not define, and +could not be persuaded out of, she wished to keep their mutual +understanding a secret. She had a natural desire to avoid the +congratulations she expected from her family. She dreaded her +father's consideration of the whole affair as a satisfactory disposal +of his daughter to a worthy man, who, being his partner, would not +require any abstraction of capital from the concern, and Richard's +more noisy delight at his sister's having "hooked" so good a match. +It was only her simple-hearted mother that she longed to tell. She +knew that her mother's congratulations would not jar upon her, though +they might not sound the full organ-peal of her love. But all that +her mother knew passed onwards to her father; so for the present, +at any rate, she determined to realise her secret position alone. +Somehow, the sympathy of all others that she most longed for was +Ruth's; but the first communication of such an event was due to +her parents. She imposed very strict regulations on Mr Farquhar's +behaviour; and quarrelled and differed from him more than ever, but +with a secret joyful understanding with him in her heart, even while +they disagreed with each other--for similarity of opinion is not +always--I think not often--needed for fulness and perfection of love. + +After Ruth's "detection," as Mr Bradshaw used to call it, he said he +could never trust another governess again; so Mary and Elizabeth had +been sent to school the following Christmas, and their place in the +family was but poorly supplied by the return of Mr Richard Bradshaw, +who had left London, and been received as a partner. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIX + +Sally Takes Her Money Out of the Bank + + +The conversation narrated in the last chapter as taking place between +Mr Farquhar and Jemima, occurred about a year after Ruth's dismissal +from her situation. That year, full of small events, and change +of place to the Bradshaws, had been monotonous and long in its +course to the other household. There had been no want of peace and +tranquillity; there had, perhaps, been more of them than in the +preceding years, when, though unacknowledged by any, all must have +occasionally felt the oppression of the falsehood--and a slight +glancing dread must have flashed across their most prosperous state, +lest, somehow or another, the mystery should be disclosed. But now, +as the shepherd-boy in John Bunyan sweetly sang, "He that is low need +fear no fall." + +Still, their peace was as the stillness of a grey autumnal day, when +no sun is to be seen above, and when a quiet film seems drawn before +both sky and earth, as if to rest the wearied eyes after the summer's +glare. Few events broke the monotony of their lives, and those events +were of a depressing kind. They consisted in Ruth's futile endeavours +to obtain some employment, however humble; in Leonard's fluctuations +of spirits and health; in Sally's increasing deafness; in the final +and unmendable wearing-out of the parlour carpet, which there was +no spare money to replace, and so they cheerfully supplied its want +by a large hearth-rug that Ruth made out of ends of list; and, what +was more a subject of unceasing regret to Mr Benson than all, the +defection of some of the members of his congregation, who followed +Mr Bradshaw's lead. Their places, to be sure, were more than filled +up by the poor, who thronged to his chapel; but still it was a +disappointment to find that people about whom he had been earnestly +thinking--to whom he had laboured to do good--should dissolve the +connexion without a word of farewell or explanation. Mr Benson did +not wonder that they should go; nay, he even felt it right that they +should seek that spiritual help from another, which he, by his error, +had forfeited his power to offer; he only wished they had spoken of +their intention to him in an open and manly way. But not the less did +he labour on among those to whom God permitted him to be of use. He +felt age stealing upon him apace, although he said nothing about +it, and no one seemed to be aware of it; and he worked the more +diligently while "it was yet day." It was not the number of his years +that made him feel old, for he was only sixty, and many men are hale +and strong at that time of life; in all probability, it was that +early injury to his spine which affected the constitution of his mind +as well as his body, and predisposed him, in the opinion of some at +least, to a feminine morbidness of conscience. He had shaken off +somewhat of this since the affair with Mr Bradshaw; he was simpler +and more dignified than he had been for several years before, during +which time he had been anxious and uncertain in his manner, and more +given to thought than to action. + +The one happy bright spot in this grey year was owing to Sally. As +she said of herself, she believed she grew more "nattered" as she +grew older; but that she was conscious of her "natteredness" was +a new thing, and a great gain to the comfort of the house, for it +made her very grateful for forbearance, and more aware of kindness +than she had ever been before. She had become very deaf; yet she +was uneasy and jealous if she were not informed of all the family +thoughts, plans, and proceedings, which often had (however private in +their details) to be shouted to her at the full pitch of the voice. +But she always heard Leonard perfectly. His clear and bell-like +voice, which was similar to his mother's, till sorrow had taken the +ring out of it, was sure to be heard by the old servant, though +every one else had failed. Sometimes, however, she "got her hearing +sudden," as she phrased it, and was alive to every word and noise, +more particularly when they did not want her to hear; and at such +times she resented their continuance of the habit of speaking loud +as a mortal offence. One day, her indignation at being thought deaf +called out one of the rare smiles on Leonard's face; she saw it, and +said, "Bless thee, lad! if it but amuses thee, they may shout through +a ram's horn to me, and I'll never let on I'm not deaf. It's as good +a use as I can be of," she continued to herself, "if I can make that +poor lad smile a bit." + +If she expected to be everybody's confidante, she made Leonard hers. +"There!" said she, when she came home from her marketing one Saturday +night, "look here, lad! Here's forty-two pound, seven shillings, and +twopence! It's a mint of money, isn't it? I took it all in sovereigns +for fear of fire." + +"What is it all for, Sally?" said he. + +"Aye, lad! that's asking. It's Mr Benson's money," said she, +mysteriously, "that I've been keeping for him. Is he in the study, +think ye?" + +"Yes! I think so. Where have you been keeping it?" + +"Never you mind!" She went towards the study, but thinking she might +have been hard on her darling in refusing to gratify his curiosity, +she turned back, and said: + +"I say--if thou wilt, thou mayst do me a job of work some day. I'm +wanting a frame made for a piece of writing." + +And then she returned to go into the study, carrying her sovereigns +in her apron. + +"Here, Master Thurstan," said she, pouring them out on the table +before her astonished master. "Take it, it's all yours." + +"All mine! What can you mean?" asked he, bewildered. + +She did not hear him, and went on: + +"Lock it up safe, out o' the way. Dunnot go and leave it about to +tempt folks. I'll not answer for myself if money's left about. I may +be cribbing a sovereign." + +"But where does it come from?" said he. + +"Come from!" she replied. "Where does all money come from, but the +bank, to be sure? I thought any one could tell that." + +"I have no money in the bank!" said he, more and more perplexed. + +"No! I knowed that; but I had. Dunnot ye remember how you would +raise my wage, last Martinmas eighteen year? You and Faith were very +headstrong, but I was too deep for you. See thee! I went and put +it i' th' bank. I was never going to touch it; and if I had died +it would have been all right, for I'd a will made, all regular and +tight--made by a lawyer (leastways he would have been a lawyer, if he +hadn't got transported first). And now, thinks I, I think I'll just +go and get it out and give it 'em. Banks is not always safe." + +"I'll take care of it for you with the greatest pleasure. Still, you +know, banks allow interest." + +"D'ye suppose I don't know all about interest, and compound interest +too, by this time? I tell ye I want ye to spend it. It's your own. +It's not mine. It always was yours. Now you're not going to fret me +by saying you think it mine." + +Mr Benson held out his hand to her, for he could not speak. She bent +forward to him as he sat there, and kissed him. + +"Eh, bless ye, lad! It's the first kiss I've had of ye sin' ye were +a little lad, and it's a great refreshment. Now don't you and Faith +go and bother me with talking about it. It's just yours, and make no +more ado." + +She went back into the kitchen, and brought out her will, and gave +Leonard directions how to make a frame for it; for the boy was a very +tolerable joiner, and had a box of tools which Mr Bradshaw had given +him some years ago. + +"It's a pity to lose such fine writing," said she; "though I can't +say as I can read it. Perhaps you'd just read it for me, Leonard." +She sat open-mouthed with admiration at all the long words. + +The frame was made, and the will hung up opposite to her bed, unknown +to any one but Leonard; and, by dint of his repeated reading it over +to her, she learnt all the words, except "testatrix," which she would +always call "testy tricks." Mr Benson had been too much gratified and +touched, by her unconditional gift of all she had in the world, to +reject it; but he only held it in his hands as a deposit until he +could find a safe investment befitting so small a sum. The little +rearrangements of the household expenditure had not touched him as +they had done the women. He was aware that meat dinners were not +now every-day occurrences; but he preferred puddings and vegetables, +and was glad of the exchange. He observed, too, that they all sat +together in the kitchen in the evenings; but the kitchen, with the +well-scoured dresser, the shining saucepans, the well-blacked grate +and whitened hearth, and the warmth which seemed to rise up from the +very flags, and ruddily cheer the most distant corners, appeared a +very cozy and charming sitting-room; and, besides, it appeared but +right that Sally, in her old age, should have the companionship of +those with whom she had lived in love and faithfulness for so many +years. He only wished he could more frequently leave the solitary +comfort of his study, and join the kitchen party, where Sally sat +as mistress in the chimney-corner, knitting by fire-light, and Miss +Benson and Ruth, with the candle between them, stitched away at their +work; while Leonard strewed the ample dresser with his slate and +books. He did not mope and pine over his lessons; they were the +one thing that took him out of himself. As yet his mother could +teach him, though in some respects it was becoming a strain upon her +acquirements and powers. Mr Benson saw this, but reserved his offers +of help as long as he could, hoping that before his assistance became +absolutely necessary, some mode of employment beyond that of +occasional plain-work might be laid open to Ruth. + +In spite of the communication they occasionally had with Mr Farquhar, +when he gave them the intelligence of his engagement to Jemima, it +seemed like a glimpse into a world from which they were shut out. +They wondered--Miss Benson and Ruth did at least--much about the +details. Ruth sat over her sewing, fancying how all had taken place; +and as soon as she had arranged the events which were going on +among people and places once so familiar to her, she found some +discrepancy, and set-to afresh to picture the declaration of love, +and the yielding, blushing acceptance; for Mr Farquhar had told +little beyond the mere fact that there was an engagement between +himself and Jemima which had existed for some time, but which had +been kept secret until now, when it was acknowledged, sanctioned, and +to be fulfilled as soon as he returned from an arrangement of family +affairs in Scotland. This intelligence had been enough for Mr Benson, +who was the only person Mr Farquhar saw; as Ruth always shrank from +the post of opening the door, and Mr Benson was apt at recognising +individual knocks, and always prompt to welcome Mr Farquhar. + +Miss Benson occasionally thought--and what she thought she was in +the habit of saying--that Jemima might have come herself to announce +such an event to old friends; but Mr Benson decidedly vindicated her +from any charge of neglect, by expressing his strong conviction that +to her they owed Mr Farquhar's calls--his all but outspoken offers +of service--his quiet, steady interest in Leonard; and, moreover +(repeating the conversation he had had with her in the street, the +first time they met after the disclosure), Mr Benson told his sister +how glad he was to find that, with all the warmth of her impetuous +disposition hurrying her on to rebellion against her father, she was +now attaining to that just self-control which can distinguish between +mere wishes and true reasons--that she could abstain from coming to +see Ruth while she could do but little good, reserving herself for +some great occasion or strong emergency. + +Ruth said nothing, but she yearned all the more in silence to +see Jemima. In her recollection of that fearful interview with +Mr Bradshaw, which haunted her yet, sleeping or waking, she was +painfully conscious that she had not thanked Jemima for her generous, +loving advocacy; it had passed unregarded at the time in intensity +of agony--but now she recollected that by no word, or tone, or touch, +had she given any sign of gratitude. Mr Benson had never told her of +his meeting with Jemima; so it seemed as if there were no hope of any +future opportunity: for it is strange how two households, rent apart +by some dissension, can go through life, their parallel existences +running side by side, yet never touching each other, near neighbours +as they are, habitual and familiar guests as they may have been. + +Ruth's only point of hope was Leonard. She was weary of looking for +work and employment, which everywhere seemed held above her reach. +She was not impatient of this, but she was very, very sorry. She felt +within her such capability, and all ignored her, and passed her by +on the other side. But she saw some progress in Leonard. Not that he +could continue to have the happy development, and genial ripening, +which other boys have; leaping from childhood to boyhood, and thence +to youth, with glad bounds, and unconsciously enjoying every age. At +present there was no harmony in Leonard's character; he was as full +of thought and self-consciousness as many men, planning his actions +long beforehand, so as to avoid what he dreaded, and what she could +not yet give him strength to face, coward as she was herself, and +shrinking from hard remarks. Yet Leonard was regaining some of his +lost tenderness towards his mother; when they were alone he would +throw himself on her neck and smother her with kisses, without any +apparent cause for such a passionate impulse. If any one was by, his +manner was cold and reserved. The hopeful parts of his character were +the determination evident in him to be a "law unto himself," and the +serious thought which he gave to the formation of this law. There was +an inclination in him to reason, especially and principally with Mr +Benson, on the great questions of ethics which the majority of the +world have settled long ago. But I do not think he ever so argued +with his mother. Her lovely patience, and her humility, was earning +its reward; and from her quiet piety, bearing sweetly the denial of +her wishes--the refusal of her begging--the disgrace in which she +lay, while others, less worthy, were employed--this, which perplexed +him, and almost angered him at first, called out his reverence at +last, and what she said he took for his law with proud humility; +and thus softly, she was leading him up to God. His health was not +strong; it was not likely to be. He moaned and talked in his sleep, +and his appetite was still variable, part of which might be owing +to his preference of the hardest lessons to any outdoor exercise. +But this last unnatural symptom was vanishing before the assiduous +kindness of Mr Farquhar, and the quiet but firm desire of his mother. +Next to Ruth, Sally had perhaps the most influence over him; but +he dearly loved both Mr and Miss Benson; although he was reserved +on this, as on every point not purely intellectual. His was a hard +childhood, and his mother felt that it was so. Children bear any +moderate degree of poverty and privation cheerfully; but, in addition +to a good deal of this, Leonard had to bear a sense of disgrace +attaching to him and to the creature he loved best; this it was that +took out of him the buoyancy and natural gladness of youth, in a +way which no scantiness of food or clothing, or want of any outward +comfort, could ever have done. + +Two years had passed away--two long, eventless years. Something was +now going to happen, which touched their hearts very nearly, though +out of their sight and hearing. Jemima was going to be married this +August, and by-and-by the very day was fixed. It was to be on the +14th. On the evening of the 13th, Ruth was sitting alone in the +parlour, idly gazing out on the darkening shadows in the little +garden; her eyes kept filling with quiet tears, that rose, not +for her own isolation from all that was going on of bustle and +preparation for the morrow's event, but because she had seen how +Miss Benson had felt that she and her brother were left out from +the gathering of old friends in the Bradshaw family. As Ruth sat, +suddenly she was aware of a figure by her; she started up, and in the +gloom of the apartment she recognised Jemima. In an instant they were +in each other's arms--a long, fast embrace. + +"Can you forgive me?" whispered Jemima in Ruth's ear. + +"Forgive you! What do you mean? What have I to forgive? The question +is, can I ever thank you as I long to do, if I could find words?" + +"Oh, Ruth, how I hated you once!" + +"It was all the more noble in you to stand by me as you did. You must +have hated me when you knew how I was deceiving you all!" + +"No, that was not it that made me hate you. It was before that. Oh, +Ruth, I did hate you!" + +They were silent for some time, still holding each other's hands. +Ruth spoke first. + +"And you are going to be married to-morrow!" + +"Yes," said Jemima. "To-morrow, at nine o'clock. But I don't think +I could have been married without coming to wish Mr Benson and Miss +Faith good-bye." + +"I will go for them," said Ruth. + +"No, not just yet. I want to ask you one or two questions first. +Nothing very particular; only it seems as if there had been such a +strange, long separation between us. Ruth," said she, dropping her +voice, "is Leonard stronger than he was? I was so sorry to hear about +him from Walter. But he is better?" asked she, anxiously. + +"Yes, he is better. Not what a boy of his age should be," replied +his mother, in a tone of quiet but deep mournfulness. "Oh, Jemima!" +continued she, "my sharpest punishment comes through him. To think +what he might have been, and what he is!" + +"But Walter says he is both stronger in health, and not so--nervous +and shy." Jemima added the last words in a hesitating and doubtful +manner, as if she did not know how to express her full meaning +without hurting Ruth. + +"He does not show that he feels his disgrace so much. I cannot talk +about it, Jemima, my heart aches so about him. But he is better," she +continued, feeling that Jemima's kind anxiety required an answer at +any cost of pain to herself. "He is only studying too closely now; he +takes to his lessons evidently as a relief from thought. He is very +clever, and I hope and trust, yet I tremble to say it, I believe he +is very good." + +"You must let him come and see us very often when we come back. We +shall be two months away. We are going to Germany, partly on Walter's +business. Ruth, I have been talking to papa to-night, very seriously +and quietly, and it has made me love him so much more, and understand +him so much better." + +"Does he know of your coming here? I hope he does," said Ruth. + +"Yes. Not that he liked my doing it at all. But, somehow, I can +always do things against a person's wishes more easily when I am +on good terms with them--that's not exactly what I meant; but now +to-night, after papa had been showing me that he really loved me +more than I ever thought he had done (for I always fancied he was so +absorbed in Dick, he did not care much for us girls), I felt brave +enough to say that I intended to come here and bid you all good-bye. +He was silent for a minute, and then said I might do it, but I must +remember he did not approve of it, and was not to be compromised by +my coming; still I can tell that, at the bottom of his heart, there +is some of the old kindly feeling to Mr and Miss Benson, and I don't +despair of its all being made up, though, perhaps, I ought to say +that mamma does." + +"Mr and Miss Benson won't hear of my going away," said Ruth, sadly. + +"They are quite right." + +"But I am earning nothing. I cannot get any employment. I am only a +burden and an expense." + +"Are you not also a pleasure? And Leonard, is he not a dear object of +love? It is easy for me to talk, I know, who am so impatient. Oh, I +never deserved to be so happy as I am! You don't know how good Walter +is. I used to think him so cold and cautious. But now, Ruth, will you +tell Mr and Miss Benson that I am here? There is signing of papers, +and I don't know what to be done at home. And when I come back, I +hope to see you often, if you'll let me." + +Mr and Miss Benson gave her a warm greeting. Sally was called in, +and would bring a candle with her, to have a close inspection of +her, in order to see if she was changed--she had not seen her for +so long a time, she said; and Jemima stood laughing and blushing in +the middle of the room, while Sally studied her all over, and would +not be convinced that the old gown which she was wearing for the +last time was not one of the new wedding ones. The consequence of +which misunderstanding was, that Sally, in her short petticoats and +bedgown, turned up her nose at the old-fashioned way in which Miss +Bradshaw's gown was made. But Jemima knew the old woman, and rather +enjoyed the contempt for her dress. At last she kissed them all, and +ran away to her impatient Mr Farquhar, who was awaiting her. + +Not many weeks after this, the poor old woman whom I have named +as having become a friend of Ruth's, during Leonard's illness +three years ago, fell down and broke her hip-bone. It was a +serious--probably a fatal injury, for one so old; and as soon as +Ruth heard of it she devoted all her leisure time to old Ann Fleming. +Leonard had now outstript his mother's powers of teaching, and Mr +Benson gave him his lessons; so Ruth was a great deal at the cottage +both night and day. + +There Jemima found her one November evening, the second after their +return from their prolonged stay on the Continent. She and Mr +Farquhar had been to the Bensons, and had sat there some time; and +now Jemima had come on just to see Ruth for five minutes, before the +evening was too dark for her to return alone. She found Ruth sitting +on a stool before the fire, which was composed of a few sticks on the +hearth. The blaze they gave was, however, enough to enable her to +read; and she was deep in study of the Bible, in which she had read +aloud to the poor old woman, until the latter had fallen asleep. +Jemima beckoned her out, and they stood on the green just before the +open door, so that Ruth could see if Ann awoke. + +"I have not many minutes to stay, only I felt as if I must see you. +And we want Leonard to come to us to see all our German purchases, +and hear all our German adventures. May he come to-morrow?" + +"Yes; thank you. Oh! Jemima, I have heard something--I have got a +plan that makes me so happy! I have not told any one yet. But Mr +Wynne (the parish doctor, you know) has asked me if I would go out as +a sick nurse--he thinks he could find me employment." + +"You, a sick nurse!" said Jemima, involuntarily glancing over the +beautiful lithe figure, and the lovely refinement of Ruth's face as +the light of the rising moon fell upon it. "My dear Ruth, I don't +think you are fitted for it!" + +"Don't you?" said Ruth, a little disappointed. "I think I am; at +least, that I should be very soon. I like being about sick and +helpless people; I always feel so sorry for them; and then I think I +have the gift of a very delicate touch, which is such a comfort in +many cases. And I should try to be very watchful and patient. Mr +Wynne proposed it himself." + +"It was not in that way I meant you were not fitted for it. I meant +that you were fitted for something better. Why, Ruth, you are better +educated than I am!" + +"But if nobody will allow me to teach?--for that is what I suppose +you mean. Besides, I feel as if all my education would be needed to +make me a good sick nurse." + +"Your knowledge of Latin, for instance," said Jemima, hitting, in +her vexation at the plan, on the first acquirement of Ruth she could +think of. + +"Well!" said Ruth, "that won't come amiss; I can read the +prescriptions." + +"Which the doctors would rather you did not do." + +"Still, you can't say that any knowledge of any kind will be in my +way, or will unfit me for my work." + +"Perhaps not. But all your taste and refinement will be in your way, +and will unfit you." + +"You have not thought about this so much as I have, or you would not +say so. Any fastidiousness I shall have to get rid of, and I shall +be better without; but any true refinement I am sure I shall find +of use; for don't you think that every power we have may be made to +help us in any right work, whatever that is? Would you not rather be +nursed by a person who spoke gently and moved quietly about than by a +loud bustling woman?" + +"Yes, to be sure; but a person unfit for anything else may move +quietly, and speak gently, and give medicine when the doctor orders +it, and keep awake at night; and those are the best qualities I ever +heard of in a sick nurse." + +Ruth was quite silent for some time. At last she said: "At any rate +it is work, and as such I am thankful for it. You cannot discourage +me--and perhaps you know too little of what my life has been--how set +apart in idleness I have been--to sympathise with me fully." + +"And I wanted you to come to see us--me in my new home. Walter and I +had planned that we would persuade you to come to us very often" (she +had planned, and Mr Farquhar had consented); "and now you will have +to be fastened up in a sick-room." + +"I could not have come," said Ruth quickly. "Dear Jemima! it is like +you to have thought of it--but I could not come to your house. It is +not a thing to reason about. It is just feeling. But I do feel as if +I could not go. Dear Jemima! if you are ill or sorrowful, and want +me, I will come--" + +"So you would and must to any one, if you take up that calling." + +"But I should come to you, love, in quite a different way; I should +go to you with my heart full of love--so full that I am afraid I +should be too anxious." + +"I almost wish I were ill, that I might make you come at once." + +"And I am almost ashamed to think how I should like you to be in some +position in which I could show you how well I remember that day--that +terrible day in the school-room. God bless you for it, Jemima!" + + + + +CHAPTER XXX + +The Forged Deed + + +Mr Wynne, the parish surgeon, was right. He could and did obtain +employment for Ruth as a sick nurse. Her home was with the Bensons; +every spare moment was given to Leonard and to them; but she was +at the call of all the invalids in the town. At first her work lay +exclusively among the paupers. At first, too, there was a recoil +from many circumstances, which impressed upon her the most fully the +physical sufferings of those whom she tended. But she tried to lose +the sense of these--or rather to lessen them, and make them take +their appointed places--in thinking of the individuals themselves, +as separate from their decaying frames; and all along she had +enough self-command to control herself from expressing any sign of +repugnance. She allowed herself no nervous haste of movement or +touch that should hurt the feelings of the poorest, most friendless +creature, who ever lay a victim to disease. There was no rough +getting over of all the disagreeable and painful work of her +employment. When it was a lessening of pain to have the touch careful +and delicate, and the ministration performed with gradual skill, Ruth +thought of her charge, and not of herself. As she had foretold, she +found a use for all her powers. The poor patients themselves were +unconsciously gratified and soothed by her harmony and refinement of +manner, voice, and gesture. If this harmony and refinement had been +merely superficial, it would not have had this balmy effect. That +arose from its being the true expression of a kind, modest, and +humble spirit. By degrees her reputation as a nurse spread upwards, +and many sought her good offices who could well afford to pay for +them. Whatever remuneration was offered to her, she took it simply +and without comment; for she felt that it was not hers to refuse; +that it was, in fact, owing to the Bensons for her and her child's +subsistence. She went wherever her services were first called for. +If the poor bricklayer, who broke both his legs in a fall from the +scaffolding, sent for her when she was disengaged, she went and +remained with him until he could spare her, let who would be the next +claimant. From the happy and prosperous in all but health, she would +occasionally beg off, when some one less happy and more friendless +wished for her; and sometimes she would ask for a little money +from Mr Benson to give to such in their time of need. But it was +astonishing how much she was able to do without money. + +Her ways were very quiet; she never spoke much. Any one who has been +oppressed with the weight of a vital secret for years, and much more +any one the character of whose life has been stamped by one event, +and that producing sorrow and shame, is naturally reserved. And yet +Ruth's silence was not like reserve; it was too gentle and tender +for that. It had more the effect of a hush of all loud or disturbing +emotions, and out of the deep calm the words that came forth had a +beautiful power. She did not talk much about religion; but those +who noticed her knew that it was the unseen banner which she was +following. The low-breathed sentences which she spoke into the ear of +the sufferer and the dying carried them upwards to God. + +She gradually became known and respected among the roughest boys of +the rough populace of the town. They would make way for her when she +passed along the streets with more deference than they used to most; +for all knew something of the tender care with which she had attended +this or that sick person, and, besides, she was so often in connexion +with Death that something of the superstitious awe with which the +dead were regarded by those rough boys in the midst of their strong +life, surrounded her. + +She herself did not feel changed. She felt just as faulty--as far +from being what she wanted to be, as ever. She best knew how many +of her good actions were incomplete, and marred with evil. She did +not feel much changed from the earliest Ruth she could remember. +Everything seemed to change but herself. Mr and Miss Benson grew old, +and Sally grew deaf, and Leonard was shooting up, and Jemima was +a mother. She and the distant hills that she saw from her chamber +window, seemed the only things which were the same as when she first +came to Eccleston. As she sat looking out, and taking her fill of +solitude, which sometimes was her most thorough rest--as she sat at +the attic window looking abroad--she saw their next-door neighbour +carried out to sun himself in his garden. When she first came to +Eccleston, this neighbour and his daughter were often seen taking +long and regular walks; by-and-by his walks became shorter, and the +attentive daughter would convoy him home, and set out afresh to +finish her own. Of late years he had only gone out in the garden +behind his house; but at first he had walked pretty briskly there +by his daughter's help--now he was carried, and placed in a large, +cushioned easy-chair, his head remaining where it was placed against +the pillow, and hardly moving when his kind daughter, who was now +middle-aged, brought him the first roses of the summer. This told +Ruth of the lapse of life and time. + +Mr and Mrs Farquhar were constant in their attentions; but there was +no sign of Mr Bradshaw ever forgiving the imposition which had been +practised upon him, and Mr Benson ceased to hope for any renewal of +their intercourse. Still, he thought that he must know of all the +kind attentions which Jemima paid to them, and of the fond regard +which both she and her husband bestowed on Leonard. This latter +feeling even went so far that Mr Farquhar called one day, and with +much diffidence begged Mr Benson to urge Ruth to let him be sent to +school at his (Mr Farquhar's) expense. + +Mr Benson was taken by surprise, and hesitated. "I do not know. It +would be a great advantage in some respects; and yet I doubt whether +it would in others. His mother's influence over him is thoroughly +good, and I should fear that any thoughtless allusions to his +peculiar position might touch the raw spot in his mind." + +"But he is so unusually clever, it seems a shame not to give him all +the advantages he can have. Besides, does he see much of his mother +now?" + +"Hardly a day passes without her coming home to be an hour or so with +him, even at her busiest times; she says it is her best refreshment. +And often, you know, she is disengaged for a week or two, except the +occasional services which she is always rendering to those who need +her. Your offer is very tempting, but there is so decidedly another +view of the question to be considered, that I believe we must refer +it to her." + +"With all my heart. Don't hurry her to a decision. Let her weigh it +well. I think she will find the advantages preponderate." + +"I wonder if I might trouble you with a little business, Mr Farquhar, +as you are here?" + +"Certainly; I am only too glad to be of any use to you." + +"Why, I see from the report of the Star Life Assurance Company in the +_Times_, which you are so good as to send me, that they have declared +a bonus on the shares; now it seems strange that I have received no +notification of it, and I thought that perhaps it might be lying at +your office, as Mr Bradshaw was the purchaser of the shares, and I +have always received the dividends through your firm." + +Mr Farquhar took the newspaper, and ran his eye over the report. + +"I've no doubt that's the way of it," said he. "Some of our clerks +have been careless about it; or it may be Richard himself. He is not +always the most punctual and exact of mortals; but I'll see about it. +Perhaps after all it mayn't come for a day or two; they have always +such numbers of these circulars to send out." + +"Oh! I'm in no hurry about it. I only want to receive it some time +before I incur any expenses, which the promise of this bonus may +tempt me to indulge in." + +Mr Farquhar took his leave. That evening there was a long conference, +for, as it happened, Ruth was at home. She was strenuously +against the school plan. She could see no advantages that would +counterbalance the evil which she dreaded from any school for +Leonard; namely, that the good opinion and regard of the world would +assume too high an importance in his eyes. The very idea seemed to +produce in her so much shrinking affright, that by mutual consent +the subject was dropped; to be taken up again, or not, according to +circumstances. + +Mr Farquhar wrote the next morning, on Mr Benson's behalf, to the +Insurance Company, to inquire about the bonus. Although he wrote +in the usual formal way, he did not think it necessary to tell Mr +Bradshaw what he had done; for Mr Benson's name was rarely mentioned +between the partners; each had been made fully aware of the views +which the other entertained on the subject that had caused the +estrangement; and Mr Farquhar felt that no external argument could +affect Mr Bradshaw's resolved disapproval and avoidance of his former +minister. + +As it happened, the answer from the Insurance Company (directed to +the firm) was given to Mr Bradshaw along with the other business +letters. It was to the effect that Mr Benson's shares had been sold +and transferred above a twelvemonth ago, which sufficiently accounted +for the circumstance that no notification of the bonus had been sent +to him. + +Mr Bradshaw tossed the letter on one side, not displeased to have +a good reason for feeling a little contempt at the unbusiness-like +forgetfulness of Mr Benson, at whose instance some one had evidently +been writing to the Insurance Company. On Mr Farquhar's entrance he +expressed this feeling to him. + +"Really," he said, "these Dissenting ministers have no more notion of +exactitude in their affairs than a child! The idea of forgetting that +he has sold his shares, and applying for the bonus, when it seems he +has transferred them only a year ago!" + +Mr Farquhar was reading the letter while Mr Bradshaw spoke. + +"I don't quite understand it," said he. "Mr Benson was quite clear +about it. He could not have received his half-yearly dividends unless +he had been possessed of these shares; and I don't suppose Dissenting +ministers, with all their ignorance of business, are unlike other men +in knowing whether or not they receive the money that they believe to +be owing to them." + +"I should not wonder if they were--if Benson was, at any rate. Why, +I never knew his watch to be right in all my life--it was always too +fast or too slow; it must have been a daily discomfort to him. It +ought to have been. Depend upon it, his money matters are just in the +same irregular state; no accounts kept, I'll be bound." + +"I don't see that that follows," said Mr Farquhar, half amused. +"That watch of his is a very curious one--belonged to his father and +grandfather, I don't know how far back." + +"And the sentimental feelings which he is guided by prompt him to +keep it, to the inconvenience of himself and every one else." + +Mr Farquhar gave up the subject of the watch as hopeless. + +"But about this letter. I wrote, at Mr Benson's desire, to the +Insurance Office, and I am not satisfied with this answer. All the +transaction has passed through our hands. I do not think it is likely +Mr Benson would write and sell the shares without, at any rate, +informing us at the time, even though he forgot all about it +afterwards." + +"Probably he told Richard, or Mr Watson." + +"We can ask Mr Watson at once. I am afraid we must wait till Richard +comes home, for I don't know where a letter would catch him." + +Mr Bradshaw pulled the bell that rang into the head-clerk's room, +saying as he did so, + +"You may depend upon it, Farquhar, the blunder lies with +Benson himself. He is just the man to muddle away his money in +indiscriminate charity, and then to wonder what has become of it." + +Mr Farquhar was discreet enough to hold his tongue. + +"Mr Watson," said Mr Bradshaw, as the old clerk made his appearance, +"here is some mistake about those Insurance shares we purchased for +Benson ten or a dozen years ago. He spoke to Mr Farquhar about some +bonus they are paying to the shareholders, it seems; and, in reply to +Mr Farquhar's letter, the Insurance Company say the shares were sold +twelve months since. Have you any knowledge of the transaction? Has +the transfer passed through your hands? By the way" (turning to Mr +Farquhar), "who kept the certificates? Did Benson or we?" + +"I really don't know," said Mr Farquhar. "Perhaps Mr Watson can tell +us." + +Mr Watson meanwhile was studying the letter. When he had ended it, he +took off his spectacles, wiped them, and replacing them, he read it +again. + +"It seems very strange, sir," he said at length, with his trembling, +aged voice, "for I paid Mr Benson the account of the dividends myself +last June, and got a receipt in form, and that is since the date of +the alleged transfer." + +"Pretty nearly twelve months after it took place," said Mr Farquhar. + +"How did you receive the dividends? An order on the Bank, along with +old Mrs Cranmer's?" asked Mr Bradshaw, sharply. + +"I don't know how they came. Mr Richard gave me the money, and +desired me to get the receipt." + +"It's unlucky Richard is from home," said Mr Bradshaw. "He could have +cleared up this mystery for us." + +Mr Farquhar was silent. + +"Do you know where the certificates were kept, Mr Watson?" said he. + +"I'll not be sure, but I think they were with Mrs Cranmer's papers +and deeds in box A, 24." + +"I wish old Cranmer would have made any other man his executor. She, +too, is always coming with some unreasonable request or other." + +"Mr Benson's inquiry about his bonus is perfectly reasonable, at any +rate." + +Mr Watson, who was dwelling in the slow fashion of age on what had +been said before, now spoke: + +"I'll not be sure, but I am almost certain, Mr Benson said, when I +paid him last June, that he thought he ought to give the receipt on +a stamp, and had spoken about it to Mr Richard the time before, but +that Mr Richard said it was of no consequence. Yes," continued he, +gathering up his memory as he went on, "he did--I remember now--and +I thought to myself that Mr Richard was but a young man. Mr Richard +will know all about it." + +"Yes," said Mr Farquhar, gravely. + +"I shan't wait till Richard's return," said Mr Bradshaw. "We can soon +see if the certificates are in the box Watson points out; if they are +there, the Insurance people are no more fit to manage their concern +than that cat, and I shall tell them so. If they are not there (as +I suspect will prove to be the case), it is just forgetfulness on +Benson's part, as I have said from the first." + +"You forget the payment of the dividends," said Mr Farquhar, in a low +voice. + +"Well, sir! what then?" said Mr Bradshaw, abruptly. While he +spoke--while his eye met Mr Farquhar's--the hinted meaning of the +latter flashed through his mind; but he was only made angry to find +that such a suspicion could pass through any one's imagination. + +"I suppose I may go, sir," said Watson, respectfully, an uneasy +consciousness of what was in Mr Farquhar's thoughts troubling the +faithful old clerk. + +"Yes. Go. What do you mean about the dividends?" asked Mr Bradshaw, +impetuously of Mr Farquhar. + +"Simply, that I think there can have been no forgetfulness--no +mistake on Mr Benson's part," said Mr Farquhar, unwilling to put his +dim suspicion into words. + +"Then of course it is some blunder of that confounded Insurance +Company. I will write to them to-day, and make them a little brisker +and more correct in their statements." + +"Don't you think it would be better to wait till Richard's return? He +may be able to explain it." + +"No, sir!" said Mr Bradshaw, sharply. "I do not think it would be +better. It has not been my way of doing business to spare any one, +or any company, the consequences of their own carelessness; nor to +obtain information second-hand when I could have it direct from the +source. I shall write to the Insurance Office by the next post." + +Mr Farquhar saw that any further remonstrance on his part would +only aggravate his partner's obstinacy; and, besides, it was but a +suspicion--an uncomfortable suspicion. It was possible that some of +the clerks at the Insurance Office might have made a mistake. Watson +was not sure, after all, that the certificates had been deposited in +box A, 24; and when he and Mr Farquhar could not find them there, +the old man drew more and yet more back from his first assertion of +belief that they had been placed there. + +Mr Bradshaw wrote an angry and indignant reproach of carelessness to +the Insurance Company. By the next mail one of their clerks came down +to Eccleston; and having leisurely refreshed himself at the inn, and +ordered his dinner with care, he walked up to the great warehouse of +Bradshaw and Co., and sent in his card, with a pencil notification, +"On the part of the Star Insurance Company," to Mr Bradshaw himself. + +Mr Bradshaw held the card in his hand for a minute or two without +raising his eyes. Then he spoke out loud and firm: + +"Desire the gentleman to walk up. Stay! I will ring my bell in a +minute or two, and then show him upstairs." + +When the errand-boy had closed the door, Mr Bradshaw went to a +cupboard where he usually kept a glass and a bottle of wine (of which +he very seldom partook, for he was an abstemious man). He intended +now to take a glass, but the bottle was empty; and though there was +plenty more to be had for ringing, or even simply going into another +room, he would not allow himself to do this. He stood and lectured +himself in thought. + +"After all, I am a fool for once in my life. If the certificates are +in no box which I have yet examined, that does not imply they may not +be in some one which I have not had time to search. Farquhar would +stay so late last night! And even if they are in none of the boxes +here, that does not prove--" He gave the bell a jerking ring, and it +was yet sounding when Mr Smith, the insurance clerk, entered. + +The manager of the Insurance Company had been considerably nettled at +the tone of Mr Bradshaw's letter; and had instructed the clerk to +assume some dignity at first in vindicating (as it was well in his +power to do) the character of the proceedings of the Company, but +at the same time he was not to go too far, for the firm of Bradshaw +and Co. was daily looming larger in the commercial world, and if any +reasonable explanation could be given it was to be received, and +bygones be bygones. + +"Sit down, sir!" said Mr Bradshaw. + +"You are aware, sir, I presume, that I come on the part of Mr +Dennison, the manager of the Star Insurance Company, to reply in +person to a letter of yours, of the 29th, addressed to him?" + +Mr Bradshaw bowed. "A very careless piece of business," he said, +stiffly. + +"Mr Dennison does not think you will consider it as such when you +have seen the deed of transfer, which I am commissioned to show you." + +Mr Bradshaw took the deed with a steady hand. He wiped his spectacles +quietly, without delay, and without hurry, and adjusted them on his +nose. It is possible that he was rather long in looking over the +document--at least, the clerk had just begun to wonder if he was +reading through the whole of it, instead of merely looking at the +signature, when Mr Bradshaw said: "It is possible that it may be--of +course, you will allow me to take this paper to Mr Benson, to--to +inquire if this be his signature?" + +"There can be no doubt of it, I think, sir," said the clerk, calmly +smiling, for he knew Mr Benson's signature well. + +"I don't know, sir--I don't know." (He was speaking as if the +pronunciation of every word required a separate effort of will, like +a man who has received a slight paralytic stroke.) + +"You have heard, sir, of such a thing as forgery--forgery, sir?" said +he, repeating the last word very distinctly; for he feared that the +first time he had said it, it was rather slurred over. + +"Oh, sir! there is no room for imagining such a thing, I assure you. +In our affairs we become aware of curious forgetfulness on the part +of those who are not of business habits." + +"Still I should like to show it Mr Benson, to prove to him his +forgetfulness, you know. I believe, on my soul, it is some of his +careless forgetfulness--I do, sir," said he. Now he spoke very +quickly. "It must have been. Allow me to convince myself. You shall +have it back to-night, or the first thing in the morning." + +The clerk did not quite like to relinquish the deed, nor yet did +he like to refuse Mr Bradshaw. If that very uncomfortable idea of +forgery should have any foundation in truth--and he had given up +the writing! There were a thousand chances to one against its being +anything but a stupid blunder; the risk was more imminent of +offending one of the directors. + +As he hesitated, Mr Bradshaw spoke, very calmly, and almost with +a smile on his face. He had regained his self-command. "You are +afraid, I see. I assure you, you may trust me. If there has been any +fraud--if I have the slightest suspicion of the truth of the surmise +I threw out just now,"--he could not quite speak the bare naked word +that was chilling his heart--"I will not fail to aid the ends of +justice, even though the culprit should be my own son." + +He ended, as he began, with a smile--such a smile!--the stiff lips +refused to relax and cover the teeth. But all the time he kept saying +to himself: + +"I don't believe it--I don't believe it. I'm convinced it's a blunder +of that old fool Benson." + +But when he had dismissed the clerk, and secured the piece of paper, +he went and locked the door, and laid his head on his desk, and +moaned aloud. + +He had lingered in the office for the two previous nights; at first, +occupying himself in searching for the certificates of the Insurance +shares; but, when all the boxes and other repositories for papers had +been ransacked, the thought took hold of him that they might be in +Richard's private desk; and, with the determination which overlooks +the means to get at the end, he had first tried all his own keys on +the complicated lock, and then broken it open with two decided blows +of a poker, the instrument nearest at hand. He did not find the +certificates. Richard had always considered himself careful in +destroying any dangerous or tell-tale papers; but the stern father +found enough, in what remained, to convince him that his pattern +son--more even than his pattern son, his beloved pride--was far other +than what he seemed. + +Mr Bradshaw did not skip or miss a word. He did not shrink while he +read. He folded up letter by letter; he snuffed the candle just when +its light began to wane, and no sooner; but he did not miss or omit +one paper--he read every word. Then, leaving the letters in a heap +upon the table, and the broken desk to tell its own tale, he locked +the door of the room which was appropriated to his son as junior +partner, and carried the key away with him. + +There was a faint hope, even after this discovery of many +circumstances of Richard's life which shocked and dismayed his +father--there was still a faint hope that he might not be guilty of +forgery--that it might be no forgery after all--only a blunder--an +omission--a stupendous piece of forgetfulness. That hope was the one +straw that Mr Bradshaw clung to. + +Late that night Mr Benson sat in his study. Every one else in the +house had gone to bed; but he was expecting a summons to someone +who was dangerously ill. He was not startled, therefore, at the +knock which came to the front door about twelve; but he was rather +surprised at the character of the knock, so slow and loud, with a +pause between each rap. His study-door was but a step from that which +led into the street. He opened it, and there stood--Mr Bradshaw; his +large, portly figure not to be mistaken even in the dusky night. + +He said, "That is right. It was you I wanted to see." And he walked +straight into the study. Mr Benson followed, and shut the door. Mr +Bradshaw was standing by the table, fumbling in his pocket. He pulled +out the deed; and opening it, after a pause, in which you might have +counted five, he held it out to Mr Benson. + +"Read it!" said he. He spoke not another word until time had been +allowed for its perusal. Then he added: + +"That is your signature?" The words were an assertion, but the tone +was that of question. + +"No, it is not," said Mr Benson, decidedly. "It is very like my +writing. I could almost say it was mine, but I know it is not." + +"Recollect yourself a little. The date is August the third of last +year, fourteen months ago. You may have forgotten it." The tone of +the voice had a kind of eager entreaty in it, which Mr Benson did not +notice,--he was so startled at the fetch of his own writing. + +"It is most singularly like mine; but I could not have signed away +these shares--all the property I have--without the slightest +remembrance of it." + +"Stranger things have happened. For the love of Heaven, think if you +did not sign it. It's a deed of transfer for those Insurance shares, +you see. You don't remember it? You did not write this name--these +words?" He looked at Mr Benson with craving wistfulness for one +particular answer. Mr Benson was struck at last by the whole +proceeding, and glanced anxiously at Mr Bradshaw, whose manner, gait, +and voice were so different from usual that he might well excite +attention. But as soon as the latter was aware of this momentary +inspection, he changed his tone all at once. + +"Don't imagine, sir, I wish to force any invention upon you as a +remembrance. If you did not write this name, I know who did. Once +more I ask you,--does no glimmering recollection of--having needed +money, we'll say--I never wanted you to refuse my subscription to the +chapel, God knows!--of having sold these accursed shares?--Oh! I see +by your face you did not write it; you need not speak to me--I know." + +He sank down into a chair near him. His whole figure drooped. In a +moment he was up, and standing straight as an arrow, confronting Mr +Benson, who could find no clue to this stern man's agitation. + +"You say you did not write these words?" pointing to the signature, +with an untrembling finger. "I believe you; Richard Bradshaw did +write them." + +"My dear sir--my dear old friend!" exclaimed Mr Benson, "you are +rushing to a conclusion for which, I am convinced, there is no +foundation; there is no reason to suppose that because--" + +"There is reason, sir. Do not distress yourself--I am perfectly +calm." His stony eyes and immovable face did indeed look rigid. "What +we have now to do is to punish the offence. I have not one standard +for myself and those I love--(and, Mr Benson, I did love him)--and +another for the rest of the world. If a stranger had forged my +name, I should have known it was my duty to prosecute him. You must +prosecute Richard." + +"I will not," said Mr Benson. + +"You think, perhaps, that I shall feel it acutely. You are mistaken. +He is no longer as my son to me. I have always resolved to disown +any child of mine who was guilty of sin. I disown Richard. He is +as a stranger to me. I shall feel no more at his exposure--his +punishment--" He could not go on, for his voice was choking. "Of +course, you understand that I must feel shame at our connexion; it is +that that is troubling me; that is but consistent with a man who has +always prided himself on the integrity of his name; but as for that +boy, who has been brought up all his life as I have brought up my +children, it must be some innate wickedness! Sir, I can cut him off, +though he has been as my right hand--beloved. Let me be no hindrance +to the course of justice, I beg. He has forged your name--he has +defrauded you of money--of your all, I think you said." + +"Someone has forged my name. I am not convinced that it was your son. +Until I know all the circumstances, I decline to prosecute." + +"What circumstances?" asked Mr Bradshaw, in an authoritative manner, +which would have shown irritation but for his self-command. + +"The force of the temptation--the previous habits of the person--" + +"Of Richard. He is the person," Mr Bradshaw put in. + +Mr Benson went on, without taking any notice. "I should think it +right to prosecute, if I found out that this offence against me was +only one of a series committed, with premeditation, against society. +I should then feel, as a protector of others more helpless than +myself--" + +"It was your all," said Mr Bradshaw. + +"It was all my money; it was not my all," replied Mr Benson; and +then he went on as if the interruption had never been: "Against an +habitual offender. I shall not prosecute Richard. Not because he is +your son--do not imagine that! I should decline taking such a step +against any young man without first ascertaining the particulars +about him, which I know already about Richard, and which determine me +against doing what would blast his character for life--would destroy +every good quality he has." + +"What good quality remains to him?" asked Mr Bradshaw. "He has +deceived me--he has offended God." + +"Have we not all offended Him?" Mr Benson said, in a low tone. + +"Not consciously. I never do wrong consciously. But +Richard--Richard." The remembrance of the undeceiving letters--the +forgery--filled up his heart so completely that he could not speak +for a minute or two. Yet when he saw Mr Benson on the point of saying +something, he broke in: + +"It is no use talking, sir. You and I cannot agree on these subjects. +Once more, I desire you to prosecute that boy, who is no longer a +child of mine." + +"Mr Bradshaw, I shall not prosecute him. I have said it once for all. +To-morrow you will be glad that I do not listen to you. I should only +do harm by saying more at present." + +There is always something aggravating in being told, that the mood in +which we are now viewing things strongly will not be our mood at some +other time. It implies that our present feelings are blinding us, and +that some more clear-sighted spectator is able to distinguish our +future better than we do ourselves. The most shallow person dislikes +to be told that any one can gauge his depth. Mr Bradshaw was not +soothed by this last remark of Mr Benson's. He stooped down to take +up his hat and be gone. Mr Benson saw his dizzy way of groping, and +gave him what he sought for; but he received no word of thanks. Mr +Bradshaw went silently towards the door, but, just as he got there, +he turned round, and said: + +"If there were more people like me, and fewer like you, there would +be less evil in the world, sir. It's your sentimentalists that nurse +up sin." + +Although Mr Benson had been very calm during this interview, he had +been much shocked by what had been let out respecting Richard's +forgery; not by the fact itself so much as by what it was a sign of. +Still, he had known the young man from childhood, and had seen, and +often regretted, that his want of moral courage had rendered him +peculiarly liable to all the bad effects arising from his father's +severe and arbitrary mode of treatment. Dick would never have had +"pluck" enough to be a hardened villain, under any circumstances; +but, unless some good influence, some strength, was brought to bear +upon him, he might easily sink into the sneaking scoundrel. Mr Benson +determined to go to Mr Farquhar's the first thing in the morning, and +consult him as a calm, clear-headed family friend--partner in the +business, as well as son and brother-in-law to the people concerned. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXI + +An Accident to the Dover Coach + + +While Mr Benson lay awake for fear of oversleeping himself, and so +being late at Mr Farquhar's (it was somewhere about six o'clock--dark +as an October morning is at that time), Sally came to his door and +knocked. She was always an early riser; and if she had not been gone +to bed long before Mr Bradshaw's visit last night, Mr Benson might +safely have trusted to her calling him. + +"Here's a woman down below as must see you directly. She'll be +upstairs after me if you're not down quick." + +"Is it any one from Clarke's?" + +"No, no! not it, master," said she, through the keyhole; "I reckon +it's Mrs Bradshaw, for all she's muffled up." + +He needed no other word. When he went down, Mrs Bradshaw sat in +his easy-chair, swaying her body to and fro, and crying without +restraint. Mr Benson came up to her, before she was aware that he was +there. + +"Oh! sir," said she, getting up and taking hold of both his +hands, "you won't be so cruel, will you? I have got some money +somewhere--some money my father settled on me, sir; I don't know how +much, but I think it's more than two thousand pounds, and you shall +have it all. If I can't give it you now, I'll make a will, sir. Only +be merciful to poor Dick--don't go and prosecute him, sir." + +"My dear Mrs Bradshaw, don't agitate yourself in this way. I never +meant to prosecute him." + +"But Mr Bradshaw says that you must." + +"I shall not, indeed. I have told Mr Bradshaw so." + +"Has he been here? Oh! is not he cruel? I don't care. I've been a +good wife till now. I know I have. I have done all he bid me, ever +since we were married. But now I will speak my mind, and say to +everybody how cruel he is--how hard to his own flesh and blood! If he +puts poor Dick in prison, I will go too. If I'm to choose between my +husband and my son, I choose my son; for he will have no friends, +unless I am with him." + +"Mr Bradshaw will think better of it. You will see that, when his +first anger and disappointment are over, he will not be hard or +cruel." + +"You don't know Mr Bradshaw," said she, mournfully, "if you think +he'll change. I might beg and beg--I have done many a time, when we +had little children, and I wanted to save them a whipping--but no +begging ever did any good. At last I left it off. He'll not change." + +"Perhaps not for human entreaty. Mrs Bradshaw, is there nothing more +powerful?" + +The tone of his voice suggested what he did not say. + +"If you mean that God may soften his heart," replied she, humbly, +"I'm not going to deny God's power--I have need to think of Him," +she continued, bursting into fresh tears, "for I am a very miserable +woman. Only think! he cast it up against me last night, and said, if +I had not spoilt Dick this never would have happened." + +"He hardly knew what he was saying last night. I will go to Mr +Farquhar's directly, and see him; and you had better go home, my dear +Mrs Bradshaw; you may rely upon our doing all that we can." + +With some difficulty he persuaded her not to accompany him to Mr +Farquhar's; but he had, indeed, to take her to her own door before he +could convince her that, at present, she could do nothing but wait +the result of the consultation of others. + +It was before breakfast, and Mr Farquhar was alone; so Mr Benson had +a quiet opportunity of telling the whole story to the husband before +the wife came down. Mr Farquhar was not much surprised, though +greatly distressed. The general opinion he had always entertained +of Richard's character had predisposed him to fear, even before the +inquiry respecting the Insurance shares. But it was still a shock +when it came, however much it might have been anticipated. + +"What can we do?" said Mr Benson, as Mr Farquhar sat gloomily silent. + +"That is just what I was asking myself. I think I must see Mr +Bradshaw, and try and bring him a little out of this unmerciful frame +of mind. That must be the first thing. Will you object to accompany +me at once? It seems of particular consequence that we should subdue +his obduracy before the affair gets wind." + +"I will go with you willingly. But I believe I rather serve to +irritate Mr Bradshaw; he is reminded of things he has said to me +formerly, and which he thinks he is bound to act up to. However, I +can walk with you to the door, and wait for you (if you'll allow +me) in the street. I want to know how he is to-day, both bodily and +mentally; for indeed, Mr Farquhar, I should not have been surprised +last night if he had dropped down dead, so terrible was his strain +upon himself." + +Mr Benson was left at the door as he had desired, while Mr Farquhar +went in. + +"Oh, Mr Farquhar, what is the matter?" exclaimed the girls, running +to him. "Mamma sits crying in the old nursery. We believe she has +been there all night. She will not tell us what it is, nor let us be +with her; and papa is locked up in his room, and won't even answer us +when we speak, though we know he is up and awake, for we heard him +tramping about all night." + +"Let me go up to him," said Mr Farquhar. + +"He won't let you in. It will be of no use." But in spite of what +they said, he went up; and to their surprise, after hearing who it +was, their father opened the door, and admitted their brother-in-law. +He remained with Mr Bradshaw about half an hour, and then came into +the dining-room, where the two girls stood huddled over the fire, +regardless of the untasted breakfast behind them; and, writing a few +lines, he desired them to take his note up to their mother, saying it +would comfort her a little, and that he should send Jemima, in two or +three hours, with the baby--perhaps to remain some days with them. He +had no time to tell them more; Jemima would. + +He left them, and rejoined Mr Benson. "Come home and breakfast with +me. I am off to London in an hour or two, and must speak with you +first." + +On reaching his house, he ran upstairs to ask Jemima to breakfast +alone in her dressing-room, and returned in five minutes or less. + +"Now I can tell you about it," said he. "I see my way clearly to a +certain point. We must prevent Dick and his father meeting just now, +or all hope of Dick's reformation is gone for ever. His father is as +hard as the nether mill-stone. He has forbidden me his house." + +"Forbidden you!" + +"Yes; because I would not give up Dick as utterly lost and bad; and +because I said I should return to London with the clerk, and fairly +tell Dennison (he's a Scotchman, and a man of sense and feeling) the +real state of the case. By the way, we must not say a word to the +clerk; otherwise he will expect an answer, and make out all sorts of +inferences for himself, from the unsatisfactory reply he must have. +Dennison will be upon honour--will see every side of the case--will +know you refuse to prosecute; the Company of which he is manager are +no losers. Well! when I said what I thought wise, of all this--when +I spoke as if my course were a settled and decided thing, the grim +old man asked me if he was to be an automaton in his own house. He +assured me he had no feeling for Dick--all the time he was shaking +like an aspen; in short, repeated much the same things he must have +said to you last night. However, I defied him; and the consequence +is, I'm forbidden the house, and, what is more, he says he will not +come to the office while I remain a partner." + +"What shall you do?" + +"Send Jemima and the baby. There's nothing like a young child for +bringing people round to a healthy state of feeling; and you don't +know what Jemima is, Mr Benson! No! though you've known her from her +birth. If she can't comfort her mother, and if the baby can't steal +into her grandfather's heart, why--I don't know what you may do to +me. I shall tell Jemima all, and trust to her wit and wisdom to work +at this end, while I do my best at the other." + +"Richard is abroad, is not he?" + +"He will be in England to-morrow. I must catch him somewhere; but +that I can easily do. The difficult point will be, what to do with +him--what to say to him, when I find him. He must give up his +partnership, that's clear. I did not tell his father so, but I am +resolved upon it. There shall be no tampering with the honour of the +firm to which I belong." + +"But what will become of him?" asked Mr Benson, anxiously. + +"I do not yet know. But, for Jemima's sake--for his dear old father's +sake--I will not leave him adrift. I will find him some occupation +as clear from temptation as I can. I will do all in my power. And he +will do much better, if he has any good in him, as a freer agent, not +cowed by his father into a want of individuality and self-respect. +I believe I must dismiss you, Mr Benson," said he, looking at his +watch; "I have to explain all to my wife, and to go to that clerk. +You shall hear from me in a day or two." + +Mr Benson half envied the younger man's elasticity of mind, and power +of acting promptly. He himself felt as if he wanted to sit down +in his quiet study, and think over the revelations and events of +the last twenty-four hours. It made him dizzy even to follow Mr +Farquhar's plans, as he had briefly detailed them; and some solitude +and consideration would be required before Mr Benson could decide +upon their justice and wisdom. He had been much shocked by the +discovery of the overt act of guilt which Richard had perpetrated, +low as his opinion of that young man had been for some time; and the +consequence was, that he felt depressed, and unable to rally for the +next few days. He had not even the comfort of his sister's sympathy, +as he felt bound in honour not to tell her anything; and she was +luckily so much absorbed in some household contest with Sally that +she did not notice her brother's quiet languor. + +Mr Benson felt that he had no right at this time to intrude into the +house which he had been once tacitly forbidden. If he went now to Mr +Bradshaw's without being asked, or sent for, he thought it would seem +like presuming on his knowledge of the hidden disgrace of one of the +family. Yet he longed to go: he knew that Mr Farquhar must be writing +almost daily to Jemima, and he wanted to hear what he was doing. The +fourth day after her husband's departure she came, within half an +hour of the post-delivery, and asked to speak to Mr Benson alone. + +She was in a state of great agitation, and had evidently been crying +very much. + +"Oh, Mr Benson!" said she, "will you come with me, and tell papa this +sad news about Dick? Walter has written me a letter at last to say he +has found him--he could not at first; but now it seems that, the day +before yesterday, he heard of an accident which had happened to the +Dover coach; it was overturned--two passengers killed, and several +badly hurt. Walter says we ought to be thankful, as he is, that Dick +was not killed. He says it was such a relief to him on going to the +place--the little inn nearest to where the coach was overturned--to +find that Dick was only severely injured; not one of those who was +killed. But it is a terrible shock to us all. We had had no more +dreadful fear to lessen the shock; mamma is quite unfit for anything, +and we none of us dare to tell papa." Jemima had hard work to keep +down her sobs thus far, and now they overmastered her. + +"How is your father? I have wanted to hear every day," asked Mr +Benson, tenderly. + +"It was careless of me not to come and tell you; but, indeed, I have +had so much to do. Mamma would not go near him. He has said something +which she seems as if she could not forgive. Because he came to +meals, she would not. She has almost lived in the nursery; taking out +all Dick's old playthings, and what clothes of his were left, and +turning them over, and crying over them." + +"Then Mr Bradshaw has joined you again; I was afraid, from what Mr +Farquhar said, he was going to isolate himself from you all?" + +"I wish he had," said Jemima, crying afresh. "It would have been more +natural than the way he has gone on; the only difference from his +usual habits is, that he has never gone near the office, or else he +has come to meals just as usual, and talked just as usual; and even +done what I never knew him do before, tried to make jokes--all in +order to show us how little he cares." + +"Does he not go out at all?" + +"Only in the garden. I am sure he does care after all; he must care; +he cannot shake off a child in this way, though he thinks he can; and +that makes me so afraid of telling him of this accident. Will you +come, Mr Benson?" + +He needed no other word. He went with her, as she rapidly threaded +her way through the by-streets. When they reached the house, she +went in without knocking, and putting her husband's letter into +Mr Benson's hand, she opened the door of her father's room, and +saying--"Papa, here is Mr Benson," left them alone. + +Mr Benson felt nervously incapable of knowing what to do, or to say. +He had surprised Mr Bradshaw sitting idly over the fire--gazing +dreamily into the embers. But he had started up, and drawn his chair +to the table, on seeing his visitor; and, after the first necessary +words of politeness were over, he seemed to expect him to open the +conversation. + +"Mrs Farquhar has asked me," said Mr Benson, plunging into the +subject with a trembling heart, "to tell you about a letter she has +received from her husband;" he stopped for an instant, for he felt +that he did not get nearer the real difficulty, and yet could not +tell the best way of approaching it. + +"She need not have given you that trouble. I am aware of the reason +of Mr Farquhar's absence. I entirely disapprove of his conduct. He is +regardless of my wishes; and disobedient to the commands which, as my +son-in-law, I thought he would have felt bound to respect. If there +is any more agreeable subject that you can introduce, I shall be glad +to hear you, sir." + +"Neither you, nor I, must think of what we like to hear or to say. +You must hear what concerns your son." + +"I have disowned the young man who was my son," replied he, coldly. + +"The Dover coach has been overturned," said Mr Benson, stimulated +into abruptness by the icy sternness of the father. But, in a flash, +he saw what lay below that terrible assumption of indifference. Mr +Bradshaw glanced up in his face one look of agony--and then went +grey-pale; so livid that Mr Benson got up to ring the bell in +affright, but Mr Bradshaw motioned to him to sit still. + +"Oh! I have been too sudden, sir--he is alive, he is alive!" he +exclaimed, as he saw the ashy face working in a vain attempt to +speak; but the poor lips (so wooden, not a minute ago) went working +on and on, as if Mr Benson's words did not sink down into the mind, +or reach the understanding. Mr Benson went hastily for Mrs Farquhar. + +"Oh, Jemima!" said he, "I have done it so badly--I have been so +cruel--he is very ill, I fear--bring water, brandy--" and he returned +with all speed into the room. Mr Bradshaw--the great, strong, iron +man--lay back in his chair in a swoon, a fit. + +"Fetch my mother, Mary. Send for the doctor, Elizabeth," said Jemima, +rushing to her father. She and Mr Benson did all in their power to +restore him. Mrs Bradshaw forgot all her vows of estrangement from +the dead-like husband, who might never speak to her, or hear her +again, and bitterly accused herself for every angry word she had +spoken against him during these last few miserable days. + +Before the doctor came, Mr Bradshaw had opened his eyes and partially +rallied, although he either did not, or could not speak. He looked +struck down into old age. His eyes were sensible in their expression, +but had the dim glaze of many years of life upon them. His lower jaw +fell from his upper one, giving a look of melancholy depression to +the face, although the lips hid the unclosed teeth. But he answered +correctly (in monosyllables, it is true) all the questions which the +doctor chose to ask. And the medical man was not so much impressed +with the serious character of the seizure as the family, who knew +all the hidden mystery behind, and had seen their father lie for the +first time with the precursor aspect of death upon his face. Rest, +watching, and a little medicine were what the doctor prescribed; it +was so slight a prescription, for what had appeared to Mr Benson so +serious an attack, that he wished to follow the medical man out of +the room to make further inquiries, and learn the real opinion which +he thought must lurk behind. But as he was following the doctor, +he--they all--were aware of the effort Mr Bradshaw was making to +rise, in order to arrest Mr Benson's departure. He did stand up, +supporting himself with one hand on the table, for his legs shook +under him. Mr Benson came back instantly to the spot where he was. +For a moment it seemed as if he had not the right command of his +voice: but at last he said, with a tone of humble, wistful entreaty, +which was very touching: + +"He is alive, sir; is he not?" + +"Yes, sir--indeed he is; he is only hurt. He is sure to do well. Mr +Farquhar is with him," said Mr Benson, almost unable to speak for +tears. + +Mr Bradshaw did not remove his eyes from Mr Benson's face for more +than a minute after his question had been answered. He seemed as +though he would read his very soul, and there see if he spoke the +truth. Satisfied at last, he sank slowly into his chair; and they +were silent for a little space, waiting to perceive if he would wish +for any further information just then. At length he put his hands +slowly together in the clasped attitude of prayer, and said--"Thank +God!" + + + + +CHAPTER XXXII + +The Bradshaw Pew Again Occupied + + +If Jemima allowed herself now and then to imagine that one good would +result from the discovery of Richard's delinquency, in the return of +her father and Mr Benson to something of their old understanding and +their old intercourse--if this hope fluttered through her mind, it +was doomed to disappointment. Mr Benson would have been most happy +to go, if Mr Bradshaw had sent for him; he was on the watch for +what might be even the shadow of such an invitation--but none came. +Mr Bradshaw, on his part, would have been thoroughly glad if the +wilful seclusion of his present life could have been broken by the +occasional visits of the old friend whom he had once forbidden the +house; but this prohibition having passed his lips, he stubbornly +refused to do anything which might be construed into unsaying it. +Jemima was for some time in despair of his ever returning to the +office, or resuming his old habits of business. He had evidently +threatened as much to her husband. All that Jemima could do was to +turn a deaf ear to every allusion to this menace, which he threw out +from time to time, evidently with a view to see if it had struck deep +enough into her husband's mind for him to have repeated it to his +wife. If Mr Farquhar had named it--if it was known only to two or +three to have been, but for one half-hour even, his resolution--Mr +Bradshaw could have adhered to it, without any other reason than the +maintenance of what he called consistency, but which was in fact +doggedness. Jemima was often thankful that her mother was absent, +and gone to nurse her son. If she had been at home, she would have +entreated and implored her husband to fall back into his usual +habits, and would have shown such a dread of his being as good as his +word, that he would have been compelled to adhere to it by the very +consequence affixed to it. Mr Farquhar had hard work, as it was, +in passing rapidly enough between the two places--attending to his +business at Eccleston; and deciding, comforting, and earnestly +talking, in Richard's sick-room. During an absence of his, it +was necessary to apply to one of the partners on some matter of +importance; and accordingly, to Jemima's secret joy, Mr Watson came +up and asked if her father was well enough to see him on business? +Jemima carried in this inquiry literally; and the hesitating answer +which her father gave was in the affirmative. It was not long before +she saw him leave the house, accompanied by the faithful old clerk; +and when he met her at dinner, he made no allusion to his morning +visitor, or to his subsequent going out. But from that time forwards +he went regularly to the office. He received all the information +about Dick's accident, and his progress towards recovery, in perfect +silence, and in as indifferent a manner as he could assume; but yet +he lingered about the family sitting-room every morning until the +post had come in which brought all letters from the south. + +When Mr Farquhar at last returned to bring the news of Dick's perfect +convalescence, he resolved to tell Mr Bradshaw all that he had done +and arranged for his son's future career; but, as Mr Farquhar told +Mr Benson afterwards, he could not really say if Mr Bradshaw had +attended to one word that he said. + +"Rely upon it," said Mr Benson, "he has not only attended to it, but +treasured up every expression you have used." + +"Well, I tried to get some opinion, or sign of emotion, out of him. I +had not much hope of the latter, I must own; but I thought he would +have said whether I had done wisely or not in procuring that Glasgow +situation for Dick--that he would, perhaps, have been indignant +at my ousting him from the partnership so entirely on my own +responsibility." + +"How did Richard take it?" + +"Oh, nothing could exceed his penitence. If one had never heard of +the proverb, 'When the devil was sick, the devil a monk would be,' I +should have had greater faith in him; or if he had had more strength +of character to begin with, or more reality and less outward +appearance of good principle instilled into him. However, this +Glasgow situation is the very thing; clear, defined duties, no great +trust reposed in him, a kind and watchful head, and introductions to +a better class of associates than I fancy he has ever been thrown +amongst before. For, you know, Mr Bradshaw dreaded all intimacies +for his son, and wanted him to eschew all society beyond his own +family--would never allow him to ask a friend home. Really, when I +think of the unnatural life Mr Bradshaw expected him to lead, I get +into charity with him, and have hopes. By the way, have you ever +succeeded in persuading his mother to send Leonard to school? He +may run the same risk from isolation as Dick: not be able to choose +his companions wisely when he grows up, but be too much overcome +by the excitement of society to be very discreet as to who are his +associates. Have you spoken to her about my plan?" + +"Yes! but to no purpose. I cannot say that she would even admit an +argument on the subject. She seemed to have an invincible repugnance +to the idea of exposing him to the remarks of other boys on his +peculiar position." + +"They need never know of it. Besides, sooner or later, he must step +out of his narrow circle, and encounter remark and scorn." + +"True," said Mr Benson, mournfully. "And you may depend upon it, +if it really is the best for Leonard, she will come round to it +by-and-by. It is almost extraordinary to see the way in which her +earnest and most unselfish devotion to this boy's real welfare leads +her to right and wise conclusions." + +"I wish I could tame her so as to let me meet her as a friend. Since +the baby was born, she comes to see Jemima. My wife tells me, that +she sits and holds it soft in her arms, and talks to it as if her +whole soul went out to the little infant. But if she hears a strange +footstep on the stair, what Jemima calls the 'wild-animal look' +comes back into her eyes, and she steals away like some frightened +creature. With all that she has done to redeem her character, she +should not be so timid of observation." + +"You may well say 'with all that she has done!' We of her own +household hear little or nothing of what she does. If she wants help, +she simply tells us how and why; but if not--perhaps because it is +some relief to her to forget for a time the scenes of suffering in +which she has been acting the part of comforter, and perhaps because +there always was a shy, sweet reticence about her--we never should +know what she is and what she does, except from the poor people +themselves, who would bless her in words if the very thought of her +did not choke them with tears. Yet, I do assure you, she passes out +of all this gloom, and makes sunlight in our house. We are never so +cheerful as when she is at home. She always had the art of diffusing +peace, but now it is positive cheerfulness. And about Leonard; I +doubt if the wisest and most thoughtful schoolmaster could teach half +as much directly, as his mother does unconsciously and indirectly +every hour that he is with her. Her noble, humble, pious endurance of +the consequences of what was wrong in her early life, seems expressly +fitted to act upon him, whose position is (unjustly, for he has done +no harm) so similar to hers." + +"Well! I suppose we must leave it alone for the present. You will +think me a hard practical man when I own to you, that all I expect +from Leonard's remaining a home-bird is that, with such a mother, it +will do him no harm. At any rate, remember my offer is the same for a +year--two years hence, as now. What does she look forward to making +him into, finally?" + +"I don't know. The wonder comes into my mind sometimes; but never +into hers, I think. It is part of her character--part perhaps of that +which made her what she was--that she never looks forward, and seldom +back. The present is enough for her." + +And so the conversation ended. When Mr Benson repeated the substance +of it to his sister, she mused awhile, breaking out into an +occasional whistle (although she had cured herself of this habit in a +great measure), and at last she said: + +"Now, do you know, I never liked poor Dick; and yet I'm angry with +Mr Farquhar for getting him out of the partnership in such a summary +way. I can't get over it, even though he has offered to send Leonard +to school. And here he's reigning lord-paramount at the office! As if +you, Thurstan, weren't as well able to teach him as any schoolmaster +in England! But I should not mind that affront, if I were not sorry +to think of Dick (though I never could abide him) labouring away +in Glasgow for a petty salary of nobody knows how little, while Mr +Farquhar is taking halves, instead of thirds, of the profits here!" + +But her brother could not tell her--and even Jemima did not know, +till long afterwards--that the portion of income which would have +been Dick's as a junior partner, if he had remained in the business, +was carefully laid aside for him by Mr Farquhar; to be delivered up, +with all its accumulated interest, when the prodigal should have +proved his penitence by his conduct. + +When Ruth had no call upon her time, it was indeed a holiday at +Chapel-house. She threw off as much as she could of the care and +the sadness in which she had been sharing; and returned fresh and +helpful, ready to go about in her soft, quiet way, and fill up every +measure of service, and heap it with the fragrance of her own sweet +nature. The delicate mending, that the elder women could no longer +see to do, was put by for Ruth's swift and nimble fingers. The +occasional copying, or patient writing to dictation, that gave rest +to Mr Benson's weary spine, was done by her with sunny alacrity. But, +most of all, Leonard's heart rejoiced when his mother came home. +Then came the quiet confidences, the tender exchange of love, the +happy walks from which he returned stronger and stronger--going from +strength to strength as his mother led the way. It was well, as they +saw now, that the great shock of the disclosure had taken place when +it did. She, for her part, wondered at her own cowardliness in having +even striven to keep back the truth from her child--the truth that +was so certain to be made clear, sooner or later, and which it was +only owing to God's mercy that she was alive to encounter with him, +and, by so encountering, shield and give him good courage. Moreover, +in her secret heart, she was thankful that all occurred while he +was yet too young to have much curiosity as to his father. If an +unsatisfied feeling of this kind occasionally stole into his mind, +at any rate she never heard any expression of it; for the past was +a sealed book between them. And so, in the bright strength of good +endeavour, the days went on, and grew again to months and years. + +Perhaps one little circumstance which occurred during this time had +scarcely external importance enough to be called an event; but in +Mr Benson's mind it took rank as such. One day, about a year after +Richard Bradshaw had ceased to be a partner in his father's house, Mr +Benson encountered Mr Farquhar in the street, and heard from him of +the creditable and respectable manner in which Richard was conducting +himself in Glasgow, where Mr Farquhar had lately been on business. + +"I am determined to tell his father of this," said he; "I think his +family are far too obedient to his tacit prohibition of all mention +of Richard's name." + +"Tacit prohibition?" inquired Mr Benson. + +"Oh! I dare say I use the words in a wrong sense for the correctness +of a scholar; but what I mean is, that he made a point of immediately +leaving the room if Richard's name was mentioned; and did it in so +marked a manner, that by degrees they understood that it was their +father's desire that he should never be alluded to; which was all +very well as long as there was nothing pleasant to be said about him; +but to-night I am going there, and shall take good care he does not +escape me before I have told him all I have heard and observed about +Richard. He will never be a hero of virtue, for his education has +drained him of all moral courage; but with care, and the absence of +all strong temptation for a time, he will do very well; nothing to +gratify paternal pride, but certainly nothing to be ashamed of." + +It was on the Sunday after this that the little circumstance to which +I have alluded took place. + +During the afternoon service, Mr Benson became aware that the large +Bradshaw pew was no longer unoccupied. In a dark corner Mr Bradshaw's +white head was to be seen, bowed down low in prayer. When last he had +worshipped there, the hair on that head was iron-grey, and even in +prayer he had stood erect, with an air of conscious righteousness +sufficient for all his wants, and even some to spare with which to +judge others. Now, that white and hoary head was never uplifted; +part of his unobtrusiveness might, it is true, be attributed to the +uncomfortable feeling which was sure to attend any open withdrawal of +the declaration he had once made, never to enter the chapel in which +Mr Benson was minister again; and as such a feeling was natural to +all men, and especially to such a one as Mr Bradshaw, Mr Benson +instinctively respected it, and passed out of the chapel with his +household, without ever directing his regards to the obscure place +where Mr Bradshaw still remained immovable. + +From this day Mr Benson felt sure that the old friendly feeling +existed once more between them, although some time might elapse +before any circumstance gave the signal for a renewal of their +intercourse. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIII + +A Mother to Be Proud Of + + +Old people tell of certain years when typhus fever swept over the +country like a pestilence; years that bring back the remembrance of +deep sorrow--refusing to be comforted--to many a household; and which +those whose beloved passed through the fiery time unscathed, shrink +from recalling: for great and tremulous was the anxiety--miserable +the constant watching for evil symptoms; and beyond the threshold +of home a dense cloud of depression hung over society at large. +It seemed as if the alarm was proportionate to the previous +light-heartedness of fancied security--and indeed it was so; for, +since the days of King Belshazzar, the solemn decrees of Doom have +ever seemed most terrible when they awe into silence the merry +revellers of life. So it was this year to which I come in the +progress of my story. + +The summer had been unusually gorgeous. Some had complained of the +steaming heat, but others had pointed to the lush vegetation, which +was profuse and luxuriant. The early autumn was wet and cold, but +people did not regard it, in contemplation of some proud rejoicing +of the nation, which filled every newspaper and gave food to every +tongue. In Eccleston these rejoicings were greater than in most +places; for, by the national triumph of arms, it was supposed that a +new market for the staple manufacture of the place would be opened; +and so the trade, which had for a year or two been languishing, would +now revive with redoubled vigour. Besides these legitimate causes +of good spirits, there was the rank excitement of a coming election, +in consequence of Mr Donne having accepted a Government office, +procured for him by one of his influential relations. This time, +the Cranworths roused themselves from their magnificent torpor of +security in good season, and were going through a series of pompous +and ponderous hospitalities, in order to bring back the Eccleston +voters to their allegiance. + +While the town was full of these subjects by turns--now thinking and +speaking of the great revival of trade--now of the chances of the +election, as yet some weeks distant--now of the balls at Cranworth +Court, in which Mr Cranworth had danced with all the belles of the +shopocracy of Eccleston--there came creeping, creeping, in hidden, +slimy courses, the terrible fever--that fever which is never utterly +banished from the sad haunts of vice and misery, but lives in such +darkness, like a wild beast in the recesses of his den. It had begun +in the low Irish lodging-houses; but there it was so common it +excited little attention. The poor creatures died almost without the +attendance of the unwarned medical men, who received their first +notice of the spreading plague from the Roman Catholic priests. + +Before the medical men of Eccleston had had time to meet together +and consult, and compare the knowledge of the fever which they had +severally gained, it had, like the blaze of a fire which had long +smouldered, burst forth in many places at once--not merely among the +loose-living and vicious, but among the decently poor--nay, even +among the well-to-do and respectable. And to add to the horror, like +all similar pestilences, its course was most rapid at first, and was +fatal in the great majority of cases--hopeless from the beginning. +There was a cry, and then a deep silence, and then rose the long wail +of the survivors. + +A portion of the Infirmary of the town was added to that already +set apart for a fever-ward; the smitten were carried thither at +once, whenever it was possible, in order to prevent the spread of +infection; and on that lazar-house was concentrated all the medical +skill and force of the place. + +But when one of the physicians had died, in consequence of his +attendance--when the customary staff of matrons and nurses had been +swept off in two days--and the nurses belonging to the Infirmary had +shrunk from being drafted into the pestilential fever-ward--when +high wages had failed to tempt any to what, in their panic, they +considered as certain death--when the doctors stood aghast at the +swift mortality among the untended sufferers, who were dependent only +on the care of the most ignorant hirelings, too brutal to recognise +the solemnity of Death (all this had happened within a week from the +first acknowledgment of the presence of the plague)--Ruth came one +day, with a quieter step than usual, into Mr Benson's study, and told +him she wanted to speak to him for a few minutes. + +"To be sure, my dear! Sit down," said he; for she was standing and +leaning her head against the chimney-piece, idly gazing into the +fire. She went on standing there, as if she had not heard his words; +and it was a few moments before she began to speak. Then she said: + +"I want to tell you, that I have been this morning and offered myself +as matron to the fever-ward while it is so full. They have accepted +me; and I am going this evening." + +"Oh, Ruth! I feared this; I saw your look this morning as we spoke of +this terrible illness." + +"Why do you say 'fear,' Mr Benson? You yourself have been with John +Harrison, and old Betty, and many others, I dare say, of whom we have +not heard." + +"But this is so different! in such poisoned air! among such malignant +cases! Have you thought and weighed it enough, Ruth?" + +She was quite still for a moment, but her eyes grew full of tears. At +last she said, very softly, with a kind of still solemnity: + +"Yes! I have thought, and I have weighed. But through the very midst +of all my fears and thoughts I have felt that I must go." + +The remembrance of Leonard was present in both their minds; but for a +few moments longer they neither of them spoke. Then Ruth said: + +"I believe I have no fear. That is a great preservative, they say. At +any rate, if I have a little natural shrinking, it is quite gone when +I remember that I am in God's hands! Oh, Mr Benson," continued she, +breaking out into the irrepressible tears--"Leonard, Leonard!" + +And now it was his turn to speak out the brave words of faith. + +"Poor, poor mother!" said he. "Be of good heart. He, too, is in God's +hands. Think what a flash of time only will separate you from him, if +you should die in this work!" + +"But he--but he--it will be long to him, Mr Benson! He will be +alone!" + +"No, Ruth, he will not. God and all good men will watch over him. But +if you cannot still this agony of fear as to what will become of him, +you ought not to go. Such tremulous passion will predispose you to +take the fever." + +"I will not be afraid," she replied, lifting up her face, over which +a bright light shone, as of God's radiance. "I am not afraid for +myself. I will not be so for my darling." + +After a little pause, they began to arrange the manner of her going, +and to speak of the length of time that she might be absent on her +temporary duties. In talking of her return, they assumed it to be +certain, although the exact time when was to them unknown, and would +be dependent entirely on the duration of the fever; but not the less, +in their secret hearts, did they feel where alone the issue lay. Ruth +was to communicate with Leonard and Miss Faith through Mr Benson +alone, who insisted on his determination to go every evening to the +Hospital to learn the proceedings of the day, and the state of Ruth's +health. + +"It is not alone on your account, my dear! There may be many sick +people of whom, if I can give no other comfort, I can take +intelligence to their friends." + +All was settled with grave composure; yet still Ruth lingered, as if +nerving herself up for some effort. At length she said, with a faint +smile upon her pale face: + +"I believe I am a great coward. I stand here talking because I dread +to tell Leonard." + +"You must not think of it," exclaimed he. "Leave it to me. It is sure +to unnerve you." + +"I must think of it. I shall have self-control enough in a minute +to do it calmly--to speak hopefully. For only think," continued she, +smiling through the tears that would gather in her eyes, "what a +comfort the remembrance of the last few words may be to the poor +fellow, if--" The words were choked, but she smiled bravely on. +"No!" said she, "that must be done; but perhaps you will spare me +one thing--will you tell Aunt Faith? I suppose I am very weak, but, +knowing that I must go, and not knowing what may be the end, I feel +as if I could not bear to resist her entreaties just at last. Will +you tell her, sir, while I go to Leonard?" + +Silently he consented, and the two rose up and came forth, calm and +serene. And calmly and gently did Ruth tell her boy of her purpose; +not daring even to use any unaccustomed tenderness of voice or +gesture, lest, by so doing, she should alarm him unnecessarily as to +the result. She spoke hopefully, and bade him be of good courage; and +he caught her bravery, though his, poor boy, had root rather in his +ignorance of the actual imminent danger than in her deep faith. + +When he had gone down, Ruth began to arrange her dress. When she +came downstairs she went into the old familiar garden and gathered +a nosegay of the last lingering autumn flowers--a few roses and the +like. + +Mr Benson had tutored his sister well; and although Miss Faith's +face was swollen with crying, she spoke with almost exaggerated +cheerfulness to Ruth. Indeed, as they all stood at the front door, +making-believe to have careless nothings to say, just as at an +ordinary leave-taking, you would not have guessed the strained chords +of feeling there were in each heart. They lingered on, the last rays +of the setting sun falling on the group. Ruth once or twice had +roused herself to the pitch of saying "Good-bye," but when her eye +fell on Leonard she was forced to hide the quivering of her lips, and +conceal her trembling mouth amid the bunch of roses. + +"They won't let you have your flowers, I'm afraid," said Miss Benson. +"Doctors so often object to the smell." + +"No; perhaps not," said Ruth, hurriedly. "I did not think of it. I +will only keep this one rose. Here, Leonard, darling!" She gave the +rest to him. It was her farewell; for having now no veil to hide her +emotion, she summoned all her bravery for one parting smile, and, +smiling, turned away. But she gave one look back from the street, +just from the last point at which the door could be seen, and +catching a glimpse of Leonard standing foremost on the step, she ran +back, and he met her half-way, and mother and child spoke never a +word in that close embrace. + +"Now, Leonard," said Miss Faith, "be a brave boy. I feel sure she +will come back to us before very long." + +But she was very near crying herself; and she would have given way, I +believe, if she had not found the wholesome outlet of scolding Sally, +for expressing just the same opinion respecting Ruth's proceedings as +she herself had done not two hours before. Taking what her brother +had said to her as a text, she delivered such a lecture to Sally +on want of faith that she was astonished at herself, and so much +affected by what she had said that she had to shut the door of +communication between the kitchen and the parlour pretty hastily, in +order to prevent Sally's threatened reply from weakening her belief +in the righteousness of what Ruth had done. Her words had gone beyond +her conviction. + +Evening after evening Mr Benson went forth to gain news of Ruth; +and night after night he returned with good tidings. The fever, it +is true, raged; but no plague came nigh her. He said her face was +ever calm and bright, except when clouded by sorrow as she gave the +accounts of the deaths which occurred in spite of every care. He said +he had never seen her face so fair and gentle as it was now, when she +was living in the midst of disease and woe. + +One evening Leonard (for they had grown bolder as to the infection) +accompanied him to the street on which the hospital abutted. Mr +Benson left him there, and told him to return home; but the boy +lingered, attracted by the crowd that had gathered, and were gazing +up intently towards the lighted windows of the hospital. There was +nothing beyond to be seen; but the greater part of these poor people +had friends or relations in that palace of Death. + +Leonard stood and listened. At first their talk consisted of vague +and exaggerated accounts (if such could be exaggerated) of the +horrors of the fever. Then they spoke of Ruth--of his mother; and +Leonard held his breath to hear. + +"They say she has been a great sinner, and that this is her penance," +quoth one. And as Leonard gasped, before rushing forward to give the +speaker straight the lie, an old man spoke: + +"Such a one as her has never been a great sinner; nor does she do her +work as a penance, but for the love of God, and of the blessed Jesus. +She will be in the light of God's countenance when you and I will be +standing afar off. I tell you, man, when my poor wench died, as no +one would come near, her head lay at that hour on this woman's sweet +breast. I could fell you," the old man went on, lifting his shaking +arm, "for calling that woman a great sinner. The blessing of them who +were ready to perish is upon her." + +Immediately there arose a clamour of tongues, each with some tale of +his mother's gentle doings, till Leonard grew dizzy with the beatings +of his glad, proud heart. Few were aware how much Ruth had done; +she never spoke of it, shrinking with sweet shyness from over-much +allusion to her own work at all times. Her left hand truly knew not +what her right hand did; and Leonard was overwhelmed now to hear +of the love and the reverence with which the poor and outcast had +surrounded her. It was irrepressible. He stepped forward with a proud +bearing, and touching the old man's arm who had first spoken, Leonard +tried to speak; but for an instant he could not, his heart was too +full: tears came before words, but at length he managed to say: + +"Sir, I am her son!" + +"Thou! thou her bairn! God bless you, lad," said an old woman, +pushing through the crowd. "It was but last night she kept my child +quiet with singing psalms the night through. Low and sweet, low and +sweet, they tell me--till many poor things were hushed, though they +were out of their minds, and had not heard psalms this many a year. +God in heaven bless you, lad!" + +Many other wild, woe-begone creatures pressed forward with blessings +on Ruth's son, while he could only repeat: + +"She is my mother." + +From that day forward Leonard walked erect in the streets of +Eccleston, where "many arose and called her blessed." + +After some weeks the virulence of the fever abated; and the general +panic subsided--indeed, a kind of fool-hardiness succeeded. To +be sure, in some instances the panic still held possession of +individuals to an exaggerated extent. But the number of patients in +the hospital was rapidly diminishing, and, for money, those were to +be found who could supply Ruth's place. But to her it was owing that +the overwrought fear of the town was subdued; it was she who had gone +voluntarily, and, with no thought of greed or gain, right into the +very jaws of the fierce disease. She bade the inmates of the hospital +farewell, and after carefully submitting herself to the purification +recommended by Mr Davis, the principal surgeon of the place, who had +always attended Leonard, she returned to Mr Benson's just at gloaming +time. + +They each vied with the other in the tenderest cares. They hastened +tea; they wheeled the sofa to the fire; they made her lie down; and +to all she submitted with the docility of a child; and when the +candles came, even Mr Benson's anxious eye could see no change in her +looks, but that she seemed a little paler. The eyes were as full of +spiritual light, the gently parted lips as rosy, and the smile, if +more rare, yet as sweet as ever. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIV + +"I Must Go and Nurse Mr Bellingham" + + +The next morning, Miss Benson would insist upon making Ruth lie down +on the sofa. Ruth longed to do many things; to be much more active; +but she submitted, when she found that it would gratify Miss Faith if +she remained as quiet as if she were really an invalid. + +Leonard sat by her holding her hand. Every now and then he looked up +from his book, as if to make sure that she indeed was restored to +him. He had brought her down the flowers which she had given him the +day of her departure, and which he had kept in water as long as they +had any greenness or fragrance, and then had carefully dried and put +by. She too, smiling, had produced the one rose which she had carried +away to the hospital. Never had the bond between her and her boy been +drawn so firm and strong. + +Many visitors came this day to the quiet Chapel-house. First of all +Mrs Farquhar appeared. She looked very different from the Jemima +Bradshaw of three years ago. Happiness had called out beauty; the +colouring of her face was lovely, and vivid as that of an autumn +day; her berry-red lips scarce closed over the short white teeth for +her smiles; and her large dark eyes glowed and sparkled with daily +happiness. They were softened by a mist of tears as she looked upon +Ruth. + +"Lie still! Don't move! You must be content to-day to be waited upon, +and nursed! I have just seen Miss Benson in the lobby, and had charge +upon charge not to fatigue you. Oh, Ruth! how we all love you, now we +have you back again! Do you know, I taught Rosa to say her prayers as +soon as ever you were gone to that horrid place, just on purpose that +her little innocent lips might pray for you--I wish you could hear +her say it--'Please, dear God, keep Ruth safe.' Oh, Leonard! are not +you proud of your mother?" + +Leonard said "Yes," rather shortly, as if he were annoyed that any +one else should know, or even have a right to imagine, how proud he +was. Jemima went on: + +"Now, Ruth! I have got a plan for you. Walter and I have partly made +it; and partly it's papa's doing. Yes, dear! papa has been quite +anxious to show his respect for you. We all want you to go to the +dear Eagle's Crag for this next month, and get strong, and have some +change in that fine air at Abermouth. I am going to take little +Rosa there. Papa has lent it to us. And the weather is often very +beautiful in November." + +"Thank you very much. It is very tempting; for I have been almost +longing for some such change. I cannot tell all at once whether I +can go; but I will see about it, if you will let me leave it open a +little." + +"Oh! as long as you like, so that you will but go at last. And, +Master Leonard! you are to come too. Now, I know I have you on my +side." + +Ruth thought of the place. Her only reluctance arose from the +remembrance of that one interview on the sands. That walk she could +never go again; but how much remained! How much that would be a +charming balm and refreshment to her! + +"What happy evenings we shall have together! Do you know, I think +Mary and Elizabeth may perhaps come." + +A bright gleam of sunshine came into the room. "Look! how bright and +propitious for our plans. Dear Ruth, it seems like an omen for the +future!" + +Almost while she spoke, Miss Benson entered, bringing with her Mr +Grey, the rector of Eccleston. He was an elderly man, short and +stoutly-built, with something very formal in his manner; but any one +might feel sure of his steady benevolence who noticed the expression +of his face, and especially of the kindly black eyes that gleamed +beneath his grey and shaggy eyebrows. Ruth had seen him at the +hospital once or twice, and Mrs Farquhar had met him pretty +frequently in general society. + +"Go and tell your uncle," said Miss Benson to Leonard. + +"Stop, my boy! I have just met Mr Benson in the street, and my errand +now is to your mother. I should like you to remain and hear what it +is; and I am sure that my business will give these ladies"--bowing to +Miss Benson and Jemima--"so much pleasure, that I need not apologise +for entering upon it in their presence." + +He pulled out his double eye-glass, saying, with a grave smile: + +"You ran away from us yesterday so quietly and cunningly, Mrs +Denbigh, that you were, perhaps, not aware that the Board was sitting +at that very time, and trying to form a vote sufficiently expressive +of our gratitude to you. As Chairman, they requested me to present +you with this letter, which I shall have the pleasure of reading." + +With all due emphasis he read aloud a formal letter from the +Secretary to the Infirmary, conveying a vote of thanks to Ruth. + +The good rector did not spare her one word, from date to signature; +and then, folding the letter up, he gave it to Leonard, saying: + +"There, sir! when you are an old man, you may read that testimony to +your mother's noble conduct with pride and pleasure. For, indeed," +continued he, turning to Jemima, "no words can express the relief +it was to us. I speak of the gentlemen composing the Board of the +Infirmary. When Mrs Denbigh came forward, the panic was at its +height, and the alarm of course aggravated the disorder. The poor +creatures died rapidly; there was hardly time to remove the dead +bodies before others were brought in to occupy the beds, so little +help was to be procured on account of the universal terror; and the +morning when Mrs Denbigh offered us her services, we seemed at the +very worst. I shall never forget the sensation of relief in my mind +when she told us what she proposed to do; but we thought it right to +warn her to the full extent-- + +"Nay, madam," said he, catching a glimpse of Ruth's changing colour, +"I will spare you any more praises. I will only say, if I can be a +friend to you, or a friend to your child, you may command my poor +powers to the utmost." + +He got up, and bowing formally, he took his leave. Jemima came and +kissed Ruth. Leonard went upstairs to put the precious letter away. +Miss Benson sat crying heartily in a corner of the room. Ruth went to +her and threw her arms round her neck, and said: + +"I could not tell him just then. I durst not speak for fear of +breaking down; but if I have done right, it was all owing to you and +Mr Benson. Oh! I wish I had said how the thought first came into my +head from seeing the things Mr Benson has done so quietly ever since +the fever first came amongst us. I could not speak; and it seemed +as if I was taking those praises to myself, when all the time I was +feeling how little I deserved them--how it was all owing to you." + +"Under God, Ruth," said Miss Benson, speaking through her tears. + +"Oh! I think there is nothing humbles one so much as undue praise. +While he was reading that letter, I could not help feeling how many +things I have done wrong! Could he know of--of what I have been?" +asked she, dropping her voice very low. + +"Yes!" said Jemima, "he knew--everybody in Eccleston did know--but +the remembrance of those days is swept away. Miss Benson," she +continued, for she was anxious to turn the subject, "you must be on +my side, and persuade Ruth to come to Abermouth for a few weeks. I +want her and Leonard both to come." + +"I'm afraid my brother will think that Leonard is missing his lessons +sadly. Just of late we could not wonder that the poor child's heart +was so full; but he must make haste, and get on all the more for his +idleness." Miss Benson piqued herself on being a disciplinarian. + +"Oh, as for lessons, Walter is so very anxious that you should give +way to his superior wisdom, Ruth, and let Leonard go to school. He +will send him to any school you fix upon, according to the mode of +life you plan for him." + +"I have no plan," said Ruth. "I have no means of planning. All I can +do is to try and make him ready for anything." + +"Well," said Jemima, "we must talk it over at Abermouth; for I +am sure you won't refuse to come, dearest, dear Ruth! Think of +the quiet, sunny days, and the still evenings, that we shall have +together, with little Rosa to tumble about among the fallen leaves; +and there's Leonard to have his first sight of the sea." + +"I do think of it," said Ruth, smiling at the happy picture Jemima +drew. And both smiling at the hopeful prospect before them, they +parted--never to meet again in life. + +No sooner had Mrs Farquhar gone than Sally burst in. + +"Oh! dear, dear!" said she, looking around her. "If I had but known +that the rector was coming to call, I'd ha' put on the best covers, +and the Sunday tablecloth! You're well enough," continued she, +surveying Ruth from head to foot; "you're always trim and dainty +in your gowns, though I reckon they cost but tuppence a yard, and +you've a face to set 'em off; but as for you" (as she turned to Miss +Benson), "I think you might ha' had something better on than that +old stuff, if it had only been to do credit to a parishioner like me, +whom he has known ever sin' my father was his clerk." + +"You forget, Sally, I have been making jelly all the morning. How +could I tell it was Mr Grey when there was a knock at the door?" Miss +Benson replied. + +"You might ha' letten me do the jelly; I'se warrant I could ha' +pleased Ruth as well as you. If I had but known he was coming, +I'd ha' slipped round the corner and bought ye a neck-ribbon, or +summut to lighten ye up. I'se loath he should think I'm living with +Dissenters, that don't know how to keep themselves trig and smart." + +"Never mind, Sally; he never thought of me. What he came for, was to +see Ruth; and, as you say, she's always neat and dainty." + +"Well! I reckon it cannot be helped now; but if I buy ye a ribbon, +will you promise to wear it when church-folks come? for I cannot +abide the way they have of scoffing at the Dissenters about their +dress." + +"Very well! we'll make that bargain," said Miss Benson; "and now, +Ruth, I'll go and fetch you a cup of warm jelly." + +"Oh! indeed, Aunt Faith," said Ruth, "I am very sorry to balk you; +but if you're going to treat me as an invalid, I am afraid I shall +rebel." + +But when she found that Aunt Faith's heart was set upon it, she +submitted very graciously, only dimpling up a little, as she found +that she must consent to lie on the sofa, and be fed, when, in truth, +she felt full of health, with a luxurious sensation of languor +stealing over her now and then, just enough to make it very pleasant +to think of the salt breezes, and the sea beauty which awaited her at +Abermouth. + +Mr Davis called in the afternoon, and his visit was also to Ruth. Mr +and Miss Benson were sitting with her in the parlour, and watching +her with contented love, as she employed herself in household sewing, +and hopefully spoke about the Abermouth plan. + +"Well! so you had our worthy rector here to-day; I am come on +something of the same kind of errand; only I shall spare you the +reading of my letter, which, I'll answer for it, he did not. Please +to take notice," said he, putting down a sealed letter, "that I have +delivered you a vote of thanks from my medical brothers; and open +and read it at your leisure; only not just now, for I want to have +a little talk with you on my own behoof. I want to ask you a favour, +Mrs Denbigh." + +"A favour!" exclaimed Ruth; "what can I do for you? I think I may say +I will do it, without hearing what it is." + +"Then you're a very imprudent woman," replied he; "however, I'll take +you at your word. I want you to give me your boy." + +"Leonard!" + +"Aye! there it is, you see, Mr Benson. One minute she is as ready as +can be, and the next, she looks at me as if I was an ogre!" + +"Perhaps we don't understand what you mean," said Mr Benson. + +"The thing is this. You know I've no children; and I can't say I've +ever fretted over it much; but my wife has; and whether it is that +she has infected me, or that I grieve over my good practice going +to a stranger, when I ought to have had a son to take it after me, I +don't know; but, of late, I've got to look with covetous eyes on all +healthy boys, and at last I've settled down my wishes on this Leonard +of yours, Mrs Denbigh." + +Ruth could not speak; for, even yet, she did not understand what he +meant. He went on: + +"Now, how old is the lad?" He asked Ruth, but Miss Benson replied: + +"He'll be twelve next February." + +"Umph! only twelve! He's tall and old-looking for his age. You look +young enough, it is true." He said this last sentence as if to +himself, but seeing Ruth crimson up, he abruptly changed his tone. + +"Twelve, is he! Well, I take him from now. I don't mean that I really +take him away from you," said he, softening all at once, and becoming +grave and considerate. "His being your son--the son of one whom I +have seen--as I have seen you, Mrs Denbigh (out and out the best +nurse I ever met with, Miss Benson; and good nurses are things +we doctors know how to value)--his being your son is his great +recommendation to me; not but what the lad himself is a noble boy. +I shall be glad to leave him with you as long and as much as we can; +he could not be tied to your apron-strings all his life, you know. +Only I provide for his education, subject to your consent and good +pleasure, and he is bound apprentice to me. I, his guardian, bind him +to myself, the first surgeon in Eccleston, be the other who he may; +and in process of time he becomes partner, and some day or other +succeeds me. Now, Mrs Denbigh, what have you got to say against this +plan? My wife is just as full of it as me. Come! begin with your +objections. You're not a woman if you have not a whole bag-full of +them ready to turn out against any reasonable proposal." + +"I don't know," faltered Ruth. "It is so sudden--" + +"It is very, very kind of you, Mr Davis," said Miss Benson, a little +scandalised at Ruth's non-expression of gratitude. + +"Pooh! pooh! I'll answer for it, in the long run, I am taking good +care of my own interests. Come, Mrs Denbigh, is it a bargain?" + +Now Mr Benson spoke. + +"Mr Davis, it is rather sudden, as she says. As far as I can see, +it is the best as well as the kindest proposal that could have been +made; but I think we must give her a little time to think about it." + +"Well, twenty-four hours! Will that do?" + +Ruth lifted up her head. "Mr Davis, I am not ungrateful because I +can't thank you" (she was crying while she spoke); "let me have a +fortnight to consider about it. In a fortnight I will make up my +mind. Oh, how good you all are!" + +"Very well. Then this day fortnight--Thursday the 28th--you will let +me know your decision. Mind! if it's against me, I shan't consider it +a decision, for I'm determined to carry my point. I'm not going to +make Mrs Denbigh blush, Mr Benson, by telling you, in her presence, +of all I have observed about her this last three weeks, that has made +me sure of the good qualities I shall find in this boy of hers. I was +watching her when she little thought it. Do you remember that night +when Hector O'Brien was so furiously delirious, Mrs Denbigh?" + +Ruth went very white at the remembrance. + +"Why now, look there! how pale she is at the very thought of it. And +yet, I assure you, she was the one to go up and take the piece of +glass from him which he had broken out of the window for the sole +purpose of cutting his throat, or the throat of any one else, for +that matter. I wish we had some others as brave as she is." + +"I thought the great panic was passed away!" said Mr Benson. + +"Aye! the general feeling of alarm is much weaker; but, here and +there, there are as great fools as ever. Why, when I leave here, I am +going to see our precious member, Mr Donne--" + +"Mr Donne?" said Ruth. + +"Mr Donne, who lies ill at the Queen's--came last week, with the +intention of canvassing, but was too much alarmed by what he heard of +the fever to set to work; and, in spite of all his precautions, he +has taken it; and you should see the terror they are in at the hotel; +landlord, landlady, waiters, servants--all; there's not a creature +will go near him, if they can help it; and there's only his groom--a +lad he saved from drowning, I'm told--to do anything for him. I must +get him a proper nurse, somehow or somewhere, for all my being a +Cranworth man. Ah, Mr Benson! you don't know the temptations we +medical men have. Think, if I allowed your member to die now, as he +might very well, if he had no nurse--how famously Mr Cranworth would +walk over the course!--Where's Mrs Denbigh gone to? I hope I've not +frightened her away by reminding her of Hector O'Brien, and that +awful night, when I do assure you she behaved like a heroine!" + +As Mr Benson was showing Mr Davis out, Ruth opened the study-door, +and said, in a very calm, low voice: + +"Mr Benson! will you allow me to speak to Mr Davis alone?" + +Mr Benson immediately consented, thinking that, in all probability, +she wished to ask some further questions about Leonard; but as Mr +Davis came into the room, and shut the door, he was struck by her +pale, stern face of determination, and awaited her speaking first. + +"Mr Davis! I must go and nurse Mr Bellingham," said she at last, +clenching her hands tight together, but no other part of her body +moving from its intense stillness. + +"Mr Bellingham?" asked he, astonished at the name. + +"Mr Donne, I mean," said she, hurriedly. "His name was Bellingham." + +"Oh! I remember hearing he had changed his name for some property. +But you must not think of any more such work just now. You are not +fit for it. You are looking as white as ashes." + +"I must go," she repeated. + +"Nonsense! Here's a man who can pay for the care of the first +hospital nurses in London--and I doubt if his life is worth the risk +of one of theirs even, much more of yours." + +"We have no right to weigh human lives against each other." + +"No! I know we have not. But it's a way we doctors are apt to get +into; and, at any rate, it's ridiculous of you to think of such a +thing. Just listen to reason." + +"I can't! I can't!" cried she, with sharp pain in her voice. "You +must let me go, dear Mr Davis!" said she, now speaking with soft +entreaty. + +"No!" said he, shaking his head authoritatively. "I'll do no such +thing." + +"Listen," said she, dropping her voice, and going all over the +deepest scarlet; "he is Leonard's father! Now! you will let me go!" + +Mr Davis was indeed staggered by what she said, and for a moment he +did not speak. So she went on: + +"You will not tell! You must not tell! No one knows, not even Mr +Benson, who it was. And now--it might do him so much harm to have it +known. You will not tell!" + +"No! I will not tell," replied he. "But, Mrs Denbigh, you must answer +me this one question, which I ask you in all true respect, but which +I must ask, in order to guide both myself and you aright--of course +I knew Leonard was illegitimate--in fact, I will give you secret for +secret: it was being so myself that first made me sympathise with +him, and desire to adopt him. I knew that much of your history; but +tell me, do you now care for this man? Answer me truly--do you love +him?" + +For a moment or two she did not speak; her head was bent down; then +she raised it up, and looked with clear and honest eyes into his +face. + +"I have been thinking--but I do not know--I cannot tell--I don't +think I should love him, if he were well and happy--but you said he +was ill--and alone--how can I help caring for him?--how can I help +caring for him?" repeated she, covering her face with her hands, and +the quick hot tears stealing through her fingers. "He is Leonard's +father," continued she, looking up at Mr Davis suddenly. "He need not +know--he shall not--that I have ever been near him. If he is like the +others, he must be delirious--I will leave him before he comes to +himself--but now let me go--I must go." + +"I wish my tongue had been bitten out before I had named him to +you. He would do well enough without you; and, I dare say, if he +recognises you, he will only be annoyed." + +"It is very likely," said Ruth, heavily. + +"Annoyed,--why! he may curse you for your unasked-for care of him. +I have heard my poor mother--and she was as pretty and delicate a +creature as you are--cursed for showing tenderness when it was not +wanted. Now, be persuaded by an old man like me, who has seen enough +of life to make his heart ache--leave this fine gentleman to his +fate. I'll promise you to get him as good a nurse as can be had for +money." + +"No!" said Ruth, with dull persistency--as if she had not attended to +his dissuasions; "I must go. I will leave him before he recognises +me." + +"Why, then," said the old surgeon, "if you're so bent upon it, +I suppose I must let you. It is but what my mother would have +done--poor, heart-broken thing! However, come along, and let us +make the best of it. It saves me a deal of trouble, I know; for, if +I have you for a right hand, I need not worry myself continually +with wondering how he is taken care of. Go! get your bonnet, you +tender-hearted fool of a woman! Let us get you out of the house +without any more scenes or explanations; I'll make all straight with +the Bensons." + +"You will not tell my secret, Mr Davis," she said, abruptly. + +"No! not I! Does the woman think I had never to keep a secret of the +kind before? I only hope he'll lose his election, and never come near +the place again. After all," continued he, sighing, "I suppose it is +but human nature!" He began recalling the circumstances of his own +early life, and dreamily picturing scenes in the grey dying embers of +the fire; and he was almost startled when she stood before him, ready +equipped, grave, pale, and quiet. + +"Come along!" said he. "If you're to do any good at all, it must be +in these next three days. After that, I'll ensure his life for this +bout; and mind! I shall send you home then; for he might know you, +and I'll have no excitement to throw him back again, and no sobbing +and crying from you. But now every moment your care is precious to +him. I shall tell my own story to the Bensons, as soon as I have +installed you." + +Mr Donne lay in the best room of the Queen's Hotel--no one with him +but his faithful, ignorant servant, who was as much afraid of the +fever as any one else could be, but who, nevertheless, would not +leave his master--his master who had saved his life as a child, and +afterwards put him in the stables at Bellingham Hall, where he learnt +all that he knew. He stood in a farther corner of the room, watching +his delirious master with affrighted eyes, not daring to come near +him, nor yet willing to leave him. + +"Oh! if that doctor would but come! He'll kill himself or me--and +them stupid servants won't stir a step over the threshold; how shall +I get over the night? Blessings on him--here's the old doctor back +again! I hear him creaking and scolding up the stairs!" + +The door opened, and Mr Davis entered, followed by Ruth. + +"Here's the nurse, my good man--such a nurse as there is not in the +three counties. Now, all you'll have to do is to mind what she says." + +"Oh, sir! he's mortal bad! won't you stay with us through the night, +sir?" + +"Look there!" whispered Mr Davis to the man, "see how she knows how +to manage him! Why, I could not do it better myself!" + +She had gone up to the wild, raging figure, and with soft authority +had made him lie down: and then, placing a basin of cold water by the +bedside, she had dipped in it her pretty hands, and was laying their +cool dampness on his hot brow, speaking in a low soothing voice all +the time, in a way that acted like a charm in hushing his mad talk. + +"But I will stay," said the doctor, after he had examined his +patient; "as much on her account as his! and partly to quieten the +fears of this poor, faithful fellow." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXV + +Out of Darkness into Light + + +The third night after this was to be the crisis--the turning-point +between Life and Death. Mr Davis came again to pass it by the bedside +of the sufferer. Ruth was there, constant and still, intent upon +watching the symptoms, and acting according to them, in obedience +to Mr Davis's directions. She had never left the room. Every sense +had been strained in watching--every power of thought or judgment +had been kept on the full stretch. Now that Mr Davis came and took +her place, and that the room was quiet for the night, she became +oppressed with heaviness, which yet did not tend to sleep. She could +not remember the present time, or where she was. All times of her +earliest youth--the days of her childhood--were in her memory with a +minuteness and fulness of detail which was miserable; for all along +she felt that she had no real grasp on the scenes that were passing +through her mind--that, somehow, they were long gone by, and gone by +for ever--and yet she could not remember who she was now, nor where +she was, and whether she had now any interests in life to take the +place of those which she was conscious had passed away, although +their remembrance filled her mind with painful acuteness. Her head +lay on her arms, and they rested on the table. Every now and then she +opened her eyes, and saw the large room, handsomely furnished with +articles that were each one incongruous with the other, as if bought +at sales. She saw the flickering night-light--she heard the ticking +of the watch, and the two breathings, each going on at a separate +rate--one hurried, abruptly stopping, and then panting violently, as +if to make up for lost time; and the other slow, steady, and regular, +as if the breather was asleep; but this supposition was contradicted +by an occasional repressed sound of yawning. The sky through the +uncurtained window looked dark and black--would this night never have +an end? Had the sun gone down for ever, and would the world at last +awaken to a general sense of everlasting night? + +Then she felt as if she ought to get up, and go and see how the +troubled sleeper in yonder bed was struggling through his illness; +but she could not remember who the sleeper was, and she shrunk +from seeing some phantom-face on the pillow, such as now began to +haunt the dark corners of the room, and look at her, jibbering and +mowing as they looked. So she covered her face again, and sank into +a whirling stupor of sense and feeling. By-and-by she heard her +fellow-watcher stirring, and a dull wonder stole over her as to what +he was doing; but the heavy languor pressed her down, and kept her +still. At last she heard the words, "Come here," and listlessly +obeyed the command. She had to steady herself in the rocking chamber +before she could walk to the bed by which Mr Davis stood; but +the effort to do so roused her, and, although conscious of an +oppressive headache, she viewed with sudden and clear vision all the +circumstances of her present position. Mr Davis was near the head of +the bed, holding the night-lamp high, and shading it with his hand, +that it might not disturb the sick person, who lay with his face +towards them, in feeble exhaustion, but with every sign that the +violence of the fever had left him. It so happened that the rays of +the lamp fell bright and full upon Ruth's countenance, as she stood +with her crimson lips parted with the hurrying breath, and the +fever-flush brilliant on her cheeks. Her eyes were wide open, and +their pupils distended. She looked on the invalid in silence, and +hardly understood why Mr Davis had summoned her there. + +"Don't you see the change? He is better!--the crisis is past!" + +But she did not speak; her looks were riveted on his softly-unclosing +eyes, which met hers as they opened languidly. She could not stir +or speak. She was held fast by that gaze of his, in which a faint +recognition dawned, and grew to strength. + +He murmured some words. They strained their sense to hear. He +repeated them even lower than before; but this time they caught what +he was saying. + +"Where are the water-lilies? Where are the lilies in her hair?" + +Mr Davis drew Ruth away. + +"He is still rambling," said he, "but the fever has left him." + +The grey dawn was now filling the room with its cold light; was it +that made Ruth's cheek so deadly pale? Could that call out the wild +entreaty of her look, as if imploring help against some cruel foe +that held her fast, and was wrestling with her Spirit of Life? She +held Mr Davis's arm. If she had let it go, she would have fallen. + +"Take me home," she said, and fainted dead away. + +Mr Davis carried her out of the chamber, and sent the groom to keep +watch by his master. He ordered a fly to convey her to Mr Benson's, +and lifted her in when it came, for she was still half unconscious. +It was he who carried her upstairs to her room, where Miss Benson and +Sally undressed and laid her in her bed. + +He awaited their proceedings in Mr Benson's study. When Mr Benson +came in, Mr Davis said: + +"Don't blame me. Don't add to my self-reproach. I have killed her. I +was a cruel fool to let her go. Don't speak to me." + +"It may not be so bad," said Mr Benson, himself needing comfort in +that shock. "She may recover. She surely will recover. I believe she +will." + +"No, no! she won't. But by ---- she shall, if I can save her." Mr +Davis looked defiantly at Mr Benson, as if he were Fate. "I tell you +she shall recover, or else I am a murderer. What business had I to +take her to nurse him--" + +He was cut short by Sally's entrance and announcement that Ruth was +now prepared to see him. + +From that time forward Mr Davis devoted all his leisure, his skill, +his energy, to save her. He called on the rival surgeon to beg him +to undertake the management of Mr Donne's recovery, saying, with his +usual self-mockery, "I could not answer it to Mr Cranworth if I had +brought his opponent round, you know, when I had had such a fine +opportunity in my power. Now, with your patients, and general Radical +interest, it will be rather a feather in your cap; for he may want a +good deal of care yet, though he is getting on famously--so rapidly, +in fact, that it's a strong temptation to me to throw him back--a +relapse, you know." + +The other surgeon bowed gravely, apparently taking Mr Davis in +earnest, but certainly very glad of the job thus opportunely thrown +in his way. In spite of Mr Davis's real and deep anxiety about Ruth, +he could not help chuckling over his rival's literal interpretation +of all he had said. + +"To be sure, what fools men are! I don't know why one should watch +and strive to keep them in the world. I have given this fellow +something to talk about confidentially to all his patients; I wonder +how much stronger a dose the man would have swallowed! I must +begin to take care of my practice for that lad yonder. Well-a-day! +well-a-day! What was this sick fine gentleman sent here for, that she +should run a chance of her life for him? or why was he sent into the +world at all, for that matter?" + +Indeed, however much Mr Davis might labour with all his professional +skill--however much they might all watch--and pray--and weep--it was +but too evident that Ruth "home must go, and take her wages." Poor, +poor Ruth! + +It might be that, utterly exhausted by watching and nursing, first +in the hospital, and then by the bedside of her former lover, the +power of her constitution was worn out; or, it might be, her gentle, +pliant sweetness, but she displayed no outrage or discord even in her +delirium. There she lay in the attic-room in which her baby had been +born, her watch over him kept, her confession to him made; and now +she was stretched on the bed in utter helplessness, softly gazing at +vacancy with her open, unconscious eyes, from which all the depth of +their meaning had fled, and all they told was of a sweet, child-like +insanity within. The watchers could not touch her with their +sympathy, or come near her in her dim world;--so, mutely, but looking +at each other from time to time with tearful eyes, they took a poor +comfort from the one evident fact that, though lost and gone astray, +she was happy and at peace. They had never heard her sing; indeed, +the simple art which her mother had taught her, had died, with her +early joyousness, at that dear mother's death. But now she sang +continually, very soft and low. She went from one childish ditty to +another without let or pause, keeping a strange sort of time with +her pretty fingers, as they closed and unclosed themselves upon the +counterpane. She never looked at any one with the slightest glimpse +of memory or intelligence in her face; no, not even at Leonard. + +Her strength faded day by day; but she knew it not. Her sweet lips +were parted to sing, even after the breath and the power to do so had +left her, and her fingers fell idly on the bed. Two days she lingered +thus--all but gone from them, and yet still there. + +They stood around her bedside, not speaking, or sighing, or moaning; +they were too much awed by the exquisite peacefulness of her look +for that. Suddenly she opened wide her eyes, and gazed intently +forwards, as if she saw some happy vision, which called out a lovely, +rapturous, breathless smile. They held their very breaths. + +"I see the Light coming," said she. "The Light is coming," she said. +And, raising herself slowly, she stretched out her arms, and then +fell back, very still for evermore. + +They did not speak. Mr Davis was the first to utter a word. + +"It is over!" said he. "She is dead!" + +Out rang through the room the cry of Leonard: + +"Mother! mother! mother! You have not left me alone! You will not +leave me alone! You are not dead! Mother! Mother!" + +They had pent in his agony of apprehension till then, that no wail of +her child might disturb her ineffable calm. But now there was a cry +heard through the house, of one refusing to be comforted: "Mother! +Mother!" + +But Ruth lay dead. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVI + +The End + + +A stupor of grief succeeded to Leonard's passionate cries. He became +so much depressed, physically as well as mentally, before the end of +the day, that Mr Davis was seriously alarmed for the consequences. He +hailed with gladness a proposal made by the Farquhars, that the boy +should be removed to their house, and placed under the fond care of +his mother's friend, who sent her own child to Abermouth the better +to devote herself to Leonard. + +When they told him of this arrangement, he at first refused to go and +leave _her_; but when Mr Benson said: + +"_She_ would have wished it, Leonard! Do it for her sake!" he went +away very quietly; not speaking a word, after Mr Benson had made the +voluntary promise that he should see her once again. He neither spoke +nor cried for many hours; and all Jemima's delicate wiles were called +forth, before his heavy heart could find the relief of tears. And +then he was so weak, and his pulse so low, that all who loved him +feared for his life. + +Anxiety about him made a sad distraction from the sorrow for the +dead. The three old people, who now formed the household in the +Chapel-house, went about slowly and dreamily, each with a dull wonder +at their hearts why they, the infirm and worn-out, were left, while +she was taken in her lovely prime. + +The third day after Ruth's death, a gentleman came to the door and +asked to speak to Mr Benson. He was very much wrapped up in furs and +cloaks, and the upper, exposed part of his face was sunk and hollow, +like that of one but partially recovered from illness. Mr and Miss +Benson were at Mr Farquhar's, gone to see Leonard, and poor old Sally +had been having a hearty cry over the kitchen fire before answering +the door-knock. Her heart was tenderly inclined just then towards any +one who had the aspect of suffering; so, although her master was out, +and she was usually chary of admitting strangers, she proposed to Mr +Donne (for it was he) that he should come in and await Mr Benson's +return in the study. He was glad enough to avail himself of her +offer; for he was feeble and nervous, and come on a piece of business +which he exceedingly disliked, and about which he felt very awkward. +The fire was nearly, if not quite, out; nor did Sally's vigorous +blows do much good, although she left the room with an assurance that +it would soon burn up. He leant against the chimney-piece, thinking +over events, and with a sensation of discomfort, both external and +internal, growing and gathering upon him. He almost wondered whether +the proposal he meant to make with regard to Leonard could not be +better arranged by letter than by an interview. He became very +shivery, and impatient of the state of indecision to which his bodily +weakness had reduced him. + +Sally opened the door and came in. "Would you like to walk upstairs, +sir?" asked she, in a trembling voice, for she had learnt who the +visitor was from the driver of the fly, who had run up to the house +to inquire what was detaining the gentleman that he had brought from +the Queen's Hotel; and, knowing that Ruth had caught the fatal fever +from her attendance on Mr Donne, Sally imagined that it was but a +piece of sad civility to invite him upstairs to see the poor dead +body, which she had laid out and decked for the grave, with such fond +care that she had grown strangely proud of its marble beauty. + +Mr Donne was glad enough of any proposal of a change from the +cold and comfortless room where he had thought uneasy, remorseful +thoughts. He fancied that a change of place would banish the train of +reflection that was troubling him; but the change he anticipated was +to a well-warmed, cheerful sitting-room, with signs of life, and a +bright fire therein; and he was on the last flight of stairs,--at the +door of the room where Ruth lay--before he understood whither Sally +was conducting him. He shrank back for an instant, and then a strange +sting of curiosity impelled him on. He stood in the humble low-roofed +attic, the window open, and the tops of the distant snow-covered +hills filling up the whiteness of the general aspect. He muffled +himself up in his cloak, and shuddered, while Sally reverently drew +down the sheet, and showed the beautiful, calm, still face, on which +the last rapturous smile still lingered, giving an ineffable look +of bright serenity. Her arms were crossed over her breast; the +wimple-like cap marked the perfect oval of her face, while two braids +of the waving auburn hair peeped out of the narrow border, and lay on +the delicate cheeks. + +He was awed into admiration by the wonderful beauty of that dead +woman. + +"How beautiful she is!" said he, beneath his breath. "Do all dead +people look so peaceful--so happy?" + +"Not all," replied Sally, crying. "Few has been as good and as gentle +as she was in their lives." She quite shook with her sobbing. + +Mr Donne was disturbed by her distress. + +"Come, my good woman! we must all die--" he did not know what to say, +and was becoming infected by her sorrow. "I am sure you loved her +very much, and were very kind to her in her lifetime; you must take +this from me to buy yourself some remembrance of her." He had pulled +out a sovereign, and really had a kindly desire to console her, and +reward her, in offering it to her. + +But she took her apron from her eyes, as soon as she became aware of +what he was doing, and, still holding it midway in her hands, she +looked at him indignantly, before she burst out: + +"And who are you, that think to pay for my kindness to her by money? +And I was not kind to you, my darling," said she, passionately +addressing the motionless, serene body--"I was not kind to you. I +frabbed you, and plagued you from the first, my lamb! I came and cut +off your pretty locks in this very room--I did--and you said never +an angry word to me;--no! not then, nor many a time after, when I +was very sharp and cross to you.--No! I never was kind to you, and +I dunnot think the world was kind to you, my darling,--but you are +gone where the angels are very tender to such as you--you are, my +poor wench!" She bent down and kissed the lips, from whose marble, +unyielding touch Mr Donne recoiled, even in thought. + +Just then, Mr Benson entered the room. He had returned home before +his sister, and come upstairs in search of Sally, to whom he wanted +to speak on some subject relating to the funeral. He bowed in +recognition of Mr Donne, whom he knew as the member for the town, and +whose presence impressed him painfully, as his illness had been the +proximate cause of Ruth's death. But he tried to check this feeling, +as it was no fault of Mr Donne's. Sally stole out of the room, to cry +at leisure in her kitchen. + +"I must apologise for being here," said Mr Donne. "I was hardly +conscious where your servant was leading me to, when she expressed +her wish that I should walk upstairs." + +"It is a very common idea in this town, that it is a gratification to +be asked to take a last look at the dead," replied Mr Benson. + +"And in this case I am glad to have seen her once more," said Mr +Donne. "Poor Ruth!" + +Mr Benson glanced up at him at the last word. How did he know her +name? To him she had only been Mrs Denbigh. But Mr Donne had no idea +that he was talking to one unaware of the connexion that had formerly +existed between them; and, though he would have preferred carrying on +the conversation in a warmer room, yet, as Mr Benson was still gazing +at her with sad, lingering love, he went on: + +"I did not recognise her when she came to nurse me; I believe I was +delirious. My servant, who had known her long ago, in Fordham, told +me who she was. I cannot tell how I regret that she should have died +in consequence of her love of me." + +Mr Benson looked up at him again, a stern light filling his eyes +as he did so. He waited impatiently to hear more, either to quench +or confirm his suspicions. If she had not been lying there, very +still and calm, he would have forced the words out of Mr Donne, by +some abrupt question. As it was, he listened silently, his heart +quick-beating. + +"I know that money is but a poor compensation,--is no remedy for this +event, or for my youthful folly." + +Mr Benson set his teeth hard together, to keep in words little short +of a curse. + +"Indeed, I offered her money to almost any amount before;--do me +justice, sir," catching the gleam of indignation on Mr Benson's face; +"I offered to marry her, and provide for the boy as if he had been +legitimate. It's of no use recurring to that time," said he, his +voice faltering; "what is done cannot be undone. But I came now to +say, that I should be glad to leave the boy still under your charge, +and that every expense you think it right to incur in his education +I will defray;--and place a sum of money in trust for him--say, +two thousand pounds--or more: fix what you will. Of course, if you +decline retaining him, I must find some one else; but the provision +for him shall be the same, for my poor Ruth's sake." + +Mr Benson did not speak. He could not, till he had gathered some +peace from looking at the ineffable repose of the Dead. + +Then, before he answered, he covered up her face; and in his voice +there was the stillness of ice. + +"Leonard is not unprovided for. Those that honoured his mother will +take care of him. He shall never touch a penny of your money. Every +offer of service you have made, I reject in his name,--and in her +presence," said he, bending towards the Dead. "Men may call such +actions as yours, youthful follies! There is another name for them +with God. Sir! I will follow you downstairs." + +All the way down, Mr Benson heard Mr Donne's voice urging and +entreating, but the words he could not recognise for the thoughts +that filled his brain--the rapid putting together of events that was +going on there. And when Mr Donne turned at the door, to speak again, +and repeat his offers of service to Leonard, Mr Benson made answer, +without well knowing whether the answer fitted the question or not: + +"I thank God, you have no right, legal or otherwise, over the child. +And for her sake, I will spare him the shame of ever hearing your +name as his father." + +He shut the door in Mr Donne's face. + +"An ill-bred, puritanical old fellow! He may have the boy, I am sure, +for aught I care. I have done my duty, and will get out of this +abominable place as soon as I can. I wish my last remembrance of my +beautiful Ruth was not mixed up with all these people." + +Mr Benson was bitterly oppressed with this interview; it disturbed +the peace with which he was beginning to contemplate events. His +anger ruffled him, although such anger had been just, and such +indignation well deserved; and both had been unconsciously present in +his heart for years against the unknown seducer, whom he met face to +face by the death-bed of Ruth. + +It gave him a shock which he did not recover from for many days. He +was nervously afraid lest Mr Donne should appear at the funeral; and +not all the reasons he alleged to himself against this apprehension, +put it utterly away from him. Before then, however, he heard casually +(for he would allow himself no inquiries) that he had left the town. +No! Ruth's funeral passed over in calm and simple solemnity. Her +child, her own household, her friend, and Mr Farquhar, quietly walked +after the bier, which was borne by some of the poor to whom she had +been very kind in her lifetime. And many others stood aloof in the +little burying-ground, sadly watching that last ceremony. + +They slowly dispersed; Mr Benson leading Leonard by the hand, and +secretly wondering at his self-restraint. Almost as soon as they had +let themselves into the Chapel-house, a messenger brought a note from +Mrs Bradshaw, with a pot of quince marmalade, which, she said to Miss +Benson, she thought that Leonard might fancy, and if he did, they +were to be sure and let her know, as she had plenty more; or, was +there anything else that he would like? She would gladly make him +whatever he fancied. + +Poor Leonard! he lay stretched on the sofa, white and tearless, +beyond the power of any such comfort, however kindly offered; but +this was only one of the many homely, simple attentions, which all +came round him to offer, from Mr Grey, the rector, down to the +nameless poor who called at the back door to inquire how it fared +with _her_ child. + +Mr Benson was anxious, according to Dissenting custom, to preach an +appropriate funeral sermon. It was the last office he could render to +her; it should be done well and carefully. Moreover, it was possible +that the circumstances of her life, which were known to all, might +be made effective in this manner to work conviction of many truths. +Accordingly, he made great preparation of thought and paper; he +laboured hard, destroying sheet after sheet--his eyes filling with +tears between-whiles, as he remembered some fresh proof of the +humility and sweetness of her life. Oh, that he could do her justice! +but words seemed hard and inflexible, and refused to fit themselves +to his ideas. He sat late on Saturday, writing; he watched through +the night till Sunday morning was far advanced. He had never taken +such pains with any sermon, and he was only half satisfied with it +after all. + +Mrs Farquhar had comforted the bitterness of Sally's grief by giving +her very handsome mourning. At any rate, she felt oddly proud and +exulting when she thought of her new black gown; but when she +remembered why she wore it, she scolded herself pretty sharply for +her satisfaction, and took to crying afresh with redoubled vigour. +She spent the Sunday morning in alternately smoothing down her skirts +and adjusting her broad hemmed collar, or bemoaning the occasion with +tearful earnestness. But the sorrow overcame the little quaint vanity +of her heart, as she saw troop after troop of humbly-dressed mourners +pass by into the old chapel. They were very poor--but each had +mounted some rusty piece of crape, or some faded black ribbon. +The old came halting and slow--the mothers carried their quiet, +awe-struck babes. + +And not only these were there--but others--equally unaccustomed to +nonconformist worship: Mr Davis, for instance, to whom Sally acted +as chaperone; for he sat in the minister's pew, as a stranger; and, +as she afterwards said, she had a fellow-feeling with him, being a +Church-woman herself, and Dissenters had such awkward ways; however, +she had been there before, so she could set him to rights about their +fashions. + +From the pulpit, Mr Benson saw one and all--the well-filled Bradshaw +pew--all in deep mourning, Mr Bradshaw conspicuously so (he would +have attended the funeral gladly if they would have asked him)--the +Farquhars--the many strangers--the still more numerous poor--one or +two wild-looking outcasts, who stood afar off, but wept silently and +continually. Mr Benson's heart grew very full. + +His voice trembled as he read and prayed. But he steadied it as he +opened his sermon--his great, last effort in her honour--the labour +that he had prayed God to bless to the hearts of many. For an instant +the old man looked on all the upturned faces, listening, with wet +eyes, to hear what he could say to interpret that which was in their +hearts, dumb and unshaped, of God's doings as shown in her life. +He looked, and, as he gazed, a mist came before him, and he could +not see his sermon, nor his hearers, but only Ruth, as she had +been--stricken low, and crouching from sight, in the upland field by +Llan-dhu--like a woeful, hunted creature. And now her life was over! +her struggle ended! Sermon and all was forgotten. He sat down, and +hid his face in his hands for a minute or so. Then he arose, pale and +serene. He put the sermon away, and opened the Bible, and read the +seventh chapter of Revelations, beginning at the ninth verse. + +Before it was finished, most of his hearers were in tears. It came +home to them as more appropriate than any sermon could have been. +Even Sally, though full of anxiety as to what her fellow-Churchman +would think of such proceedings, let the sobs come freely as she +heard the words: + + + And he said to me, These are they which came out of great + tribulation, and have washed their robes, and made them + white in the blood of the Lamb. + + Therefore are they before the throne of God, and serve + him day and night in his temple; and he that sitteth on + the throne shall dwell among them. + + They shall hunger no more, neither thirst any more; + neither shall the sun light on them, nor any heat. + + For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall + feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of + waters, and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes. + + +"He preaches sermons sometimes," said Sally, nudging Mr Davis, as +they rose from their knees at last. "I make no doubt there was as +grand a sermon in yon paper-book as ever we hear in church. I've +heard him pray uncommon fine--quite beyond any but learned folk." + +Mr Bradshaw had been anxious to do something to testify his respect +for the woman, who, if all had entertained his opinions, would have +been driven into hopeless sin. Accordingly, he ordered the first +stonemason of the town to meet him in the chapel-yard on Monday +morning, to take measurement and receive directions for a tombstone. +They threaded their way among the grassy heaps to where Ruth was +buried, in the south corner, beneath the great Wych-elm. When they +got there, Leonard raised himself up from the new-stirred turf. His +face was swollen with weeping; but when he saw Mr Bradshaw he calmed +himself, and checked his sobs, and, as an explanation of being where +he was when thus surprised, he could find nothing to say but the +simple words: + +"My mother is dead, sir." + +His eyes sought those of Mr Bradshaw with a wild look of agony, as +if to find comfort for that great loss in human sympathy; and at the +first word--the first touch of Mr Bradshaw's hand on his shoulder--he +burst out afresh. + +"Come, come! my boy!--Mr Francis, I will see you about this +to-morrow--I will call at your house.--Let me take you home, my poor +fellow. Come, my lad, come!" + +The first time, for years, that he had entered Mr Benson's house, he +came leading and comforting her son--and, for a moment, he could not +speak to his old friend, for the sympathy which choked up his voice, +and filled his eyes with tears. + + + +***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK RUTH*** + + +******* This file should be named 4275.txt or 4275.zip ******* + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/4/2/7/4275 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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