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diff --git a/42897-0.txt b/42897-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..661e68f --- /dev/null +++ b/42897-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1142 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 42897 *** + + FELINE PHILOSOPHY + + + BY THOMAS CAT + + + RENDERED INTO ENGLISH + BY WALTER LÉON HESS + + + BOSTON + RICHARD G. BADGER + THE GORHAM PRESS + + + + + COPYRIGHT, 1919, BY WALTER LÉON HESS + + All Rights Reserved + + + Made in the United States of America + + The Gorham Press, Boston, U. S. A. + + + + + _I have nine lives + And a number of wives-- + But at last I must put a ban + On feline ways + And midnight lays + For now I live with man!_ + +[Illustration] + + + + +FELINE PHILOSOPHY + +BY THOMAS CAT + +[Illustration] + + + + +FELINE PHILOSOPHY + +BY THOMAS CAT + + + + +FIRST CATERWAUL + + + The family have gone to the country, + Horton, his wife and four children. + They took the butler and maids, the dogs, + The canaries and parrot. Shutters + They put on the house and the keys + Are turned in the locks. The silver + Was put in the vault and everything + Valuable carefully stowed.... + Little Jack + Looked well for me. But when he found me + Was told to put me outside; a cat has no + Place in a house that is closed for + The summer. + When they were sorely troubled + With rats and mice they coaxed me to + Come to live in the cellar. They fed + Me richly on cream and the choicest + Bits from their lavish table. They gave + Me a rug to sleep, and taught the children + To pet me. All took turns to feed me and + They saved the bones of each fish. + The + Mice and rats disappeared; the rug + Is filthy, in tatters. Old Horton curses + And kicks me and kicks me down stairs when he + Meets me; warns the baby to heed my + Claws and the older children that + Cats breed all sorts of diseases. Edith + Has young men to call and "cannot abide + The cat that is covered with ashes." + Only Jack remembers--which reminds me + How well I was treated. I was young when + They found me and now have grown wise in + Their councils. + I have no food and no + Lodging. + +[Illustration] + + + + +SECOND CATERWAUL + + + It's more than a week since I've eaten + And my bed is made in the gutter. Well-fed + And beggars go by and their boots are + All alike ready as soon as they spy me. + Jack Horton went by with his father and + Stooped to whisper his secret. Old Horton + Jerked his arm and urged that he'd miss + The train. So even railroad time + Seems relentless as the procession + Passes over and about me. Between buying + A new suit for his party + And his affection + Even young Jack had no choice. + Now I have to hunt + And I've eaten a sparrow for breakfast. + I ate with infinite relish + Though I never ate one before; + I was starved and the murder and crime + Were lost in my terrible necessity. + My depravity is beginning to wear.... + I shall wander down to the river.... + I have heard Jack's father say: + When a man falls so low as that + He had better drown himself than-- + I've forgotten the rest; I cannot think + In my present state of mind. + + + + +THIRD CATERWAUL + + + Arrived at the wharf there was not + Another soul in sight ... except at the very end + Where sat a most woebegone looking Tramp + Smoking what was once a cigar + Of price. Half smoked it had been thrust + In the gutter at the theater-entrance + By a careless and prosperous merchant. + The Tramp was very near to the edge looking out + Over the water as blankly as a blind man. + A man! Look at him ... and I a mere cat! + No doubt Old Horton was right.... One leap + Into the darkness and all gloomy thoughts, + All trouble, like the half-finished cigar + Would give place to beautiful dreams and + Never-ending.... At least it cannot be much + Worse.... No! Far better than the foul gutter + And the murderous cravings for the unattainable. + I shall burst my bonds and jump in. + +[Illustration] + + + + +FOURTH CATERWAUL + + + It gave a terrible fright when I struck + The water. Even in filth and mud I found it more + Pleasure to swim than to drown. How comfortable + The gutter now seemed but my strength was + Utterly useless.... My thoughts had been + Less overwhelming than the murky slime that + Would kill me ... and to sink, to be swallowed + By fishes that had been sweet food for my palate. + A boat came out of the darkness and a brown + Arm folded me up from the last gasp in the river. + It was going out to a yacht and the mate was the + Man who rescued: "What luck with our rats and mice + To find this bedraggled feline.... Maggie can give + It some milk and the Master won't curse for the + Vermin...." + Perhaps I was born as an antidote! + Perhaps I have no choice what to do! + But whatever may be I shall at least do + What is expected, the best that I can-- + How else can I expect anything? + + + + +FIFTH CATERWAUL + + + Did you ever see a palace in a desert? + Ralph Dimon was a good catch and Irene's + Father was very rich. Low necked dress, + Dress clothes, lace, jewelry, curtains of + Fine brocade, mahogany panellings and + Nickel-mountings dimmed the lights of Brough's + Yacht and were more plentiful than the drops + Of water that had nearly drowned me. + As I was lifted over the side I saw the + Two lovers lounging in the bow where there + Were no lights; while inside the electric + Lamps burned neglected. The wind blew a gale + And I shivered; but comfortable surroundings + And even diamonds would warm anybody but a + Half drowned cat.... + I wonder if pink ribbons + And a silver-mounted collar would have made + Me warmer or less hungry ... and I was most + Interested because Irene's father never paid + His bills without a lawsuit.... Perhaps I might + With ribbon and collar have had food for the asking. + But an honest cat must be kicked around + The kitchen by Maggie. Maggie was used to it: + "Haven't you better sense than to bring such + Rubbish aboard, Jim? Old Brough will miss the + Milk and there'll be the devil to pay."--And + To think how I could rid this palace of vermin.... + But that would cost Father Brough money and + It wouldn't show.... + Jim put me ashore ... but I was grateful! + +[Illustration] + + + + +SIXTH CATERWAUL + + + What a terrible contrast: from an interrupted + Yachting trip to the garbage can! The smell + Of the sea is sweeter but I wasn't dressed + For it.... The lure of a square meal is sweeter + Than the glitter of paste. + Think of finding a + Half beefsteak on top of the can! There was no + Gravy but it was cooked to perfection. I ate it + With relish, but should have enjoyed it better + If only some one would let me work for it-- + Especially such a meal.... And yet they say beggars + Cannot be choosers.... I found a lot more in the can + To eat, but the steak satisfied me. + I was very tired; so I went to sleep beside the + Can.... + When the collector came he took counsel of + My presence and hunted through to see what he could + Find of value. He looked up and down the street + And then slipped a half-roasted-chicken into his + Blouse; but not before casting me a look of + Triumph.... But I never can eat two meals at a + Sitting and chicken doesn't agree with me. Then, + Too, even honey is nourishing, but it may give + One indigestion.... I hope he enjoyed the chicken + As much as I did my banquet.... + Why, thought I, not + Offer to stay in this house where plenty runs + To overflowing.... + It proved to be Brough's! + +[Illustration] + + + + +SEVENTH CATERWAUL + + + I prefer the street and the gutter + To the hospitality Brough's might have offered. + How lucky to be a cat + Free to accept or--refuse + What is offered! + +[Illustration] + + + + +EIGHTH CATERWAUL + + + I found a door that was open. + The grass in the entry was cut close; + The hangings and drawing-room furniture + Immaculate in their smug neatness. Even the + Windows were clean and the books on the + Shelves were well dusted. I wandered into + The kitchen where oilcloth was spotless + And tidy. Even the walls were fresh-papered.... + No doubt to keep the kalsomine-water + From evaporating.... + Table-manners in such + A house, I fear, are more real than the eating. + I turned about and went out lest the hairs + In my coat might scatter. + +[Illustration] + + + + +NINTH CATERWAUL + + + I have been housed with Jerolamon Jones + And his wife, whom they call "tame cat," + For what seems a fairly long time. Jerry + They call him for short and short is the Bible + He reads. Lovers they are to the world and + To each other still more--for that is the + Judgment that counts.... Jerry has nights + "At the club" and loves his dear wife's + Friends. She can always reach him by 'phone + But she wouldn't do it for worlds as she + Trusts him beyond cavil or guile.... + And the tame cat sits on the laps of a + Dozen or more of his friends--but only + When Jerry is home. + I followed Jerry one night + But his club was not where he went.... + We came home exactly at twelve--and Marion + (That was his wife) was fast asleep in the sheets. + Fulton had kissed her that night--and of course + She told Jerry next day.... He trusted his wife + As she him.... + They were playing the game + When I left--I left because only I + Knew how to end the farce! + + + + +TENTH CATERWAUL + + + I have wandered over the city aimless and homeless, + Hungered in mind and in body. + Days are not irksome in sunshine + And rain promises more when it ceases. + But the nights are so intimate + And the rays of one's mind + Are perlucid. + Like a criminal tracing his steps + Back to the scene of iniquity, + I found myself in Horton's neighborhood.... + But the house was still closed for the summer. + +[Illustration] + + + + +ELEVENTH CATERWAUL + + + Mrs. Horton's maid, Alice, came home + With the keys. She left the window open + When she went to the corner for food. + I took unfair advantage--thus experience has taught me-- + Climbed in at the first opportunity. + I hid in her bedroom--the only door that was open. + After all I had suffered + Perhaps Jack would come back + And then my troubles be over. + For the first time in months + I slept without fear and in comfort.... + It must have been after midnight + When Old Horton came in. It was pitch dark + So he couldn't see me. It gave me uncanny pleasure + To follow him. He stole up to Alice's room + As if a hundred were watching. The door remained + Gaping to the empty house and--me. + Presently Alice screamed and the harrowing sound + Frightens me even now. + Horton went back to his room + And the house resumed its stillness. + I sat on the floor by his bed + Lulled by his heavy breathing.... + Out of the darkness there gleamed + A flash from the crack of a pistol. + Alice was fully dressed and quietly turned on her heel; + Left the house by the basement; walked to the corner + And river; threw something deep in its water; then back + To the house where she'd killed him-- + Leaving the front door open.... I followed her up to her room + Where she undressed and went back to bed.... + Dead in his they found Horton, + And on his tomb they inscribed: + + "A LOVING FATHER AND DEVOTED HUSBAND." + +[Illustration] + + + + +TWELFTH CATERWAUL + + + I've been sitting in the gutter and wondering-- + Strange dreams come to me in strange places-- + The glare of approaching motor + Bewildered my thoughts still more. + I saw stranger things in the shadows + Than the glow of the lights revealed. + And the deepest shadows + Close behind the gleaming arcs of the motor + Showed heads that were snuggled close. + Edith Horton was one + And Brough--who is married--the other. + No matter how dark the night its shame is refulgent + To Heaven. + The chain of my reverie was broken + As the lash will draw blood from the purest.... + And yet I am only a cat that was nearly + Run over! + +[Illustration] + + + + +THIRTEENTH CATERWAUL + + + Jack Horton has taken me back-- + His father's boots are now mouldy. + Edith does charity work and teaches in + Sunday-school. Brough is the superintendent.... + The mortgage on Mallory's house + Was foreclosed on Saturday morning. + Mallory, wife and six children + Were sitting out on the street, + Their shabby trappings about them.... + A syndicate bought the house + From Brough--his profit was ten thousand dollars. + Brough is rolling in wealth. + But Mallory now and Brough + Will seem to me much more alike: + Neither will pay his bills. + ... But Jack is kind to me + And Brough's not the milk + That I drink! + +[Illustration] + + + + +FOURTEENTH CATERWAUL + + + When Mallory worked in the shops + He drank up the wages he earned. + Now that he's out of a job + He's docile and kind to his wife + And dawdles the baby all day. + Old Horton used to say that Mallory + Was a good mechanic and a bad father. + Thus do critics fall out--Now that Old Horton + Is dead + He could not reverse his opinion + Nor the marble slab on his grave. + Joe Mallory was always Jack's chum; so Jack got after + His friends.... Now he's delighted and proud + For he found Mallory a job + Which Mallory thoroughly liked and took + For the price of giving up drink. + +[Illustration] + + + + +FIFTEENTH CATERWAUL + + + Edith was reading the paper + Breakfasting on the couch + At the foot of which I sat. + Her face was as pale as a ghost.... She read + Something twice out loud: + "James Brough in the Bankruptcy Court. + Squandered his fortune on women; + Many society girls in his net." + She fainted just as her mother came in; so I + Quietly left the room.... + And yet there is now a law + That the lamps of motors be dimmed! + +[Illustration] + + + + +SIXTEENTH CATERWAUL + + + Jack and his older brother went to the wharf + As Ralph Dimon is going abroad. + He's going to stay for some time.... + Irene's been released + From a very long engagement. + Not only for mourning it seems + That weddings are postponed. + Irene looks dejected and weary-- + She came to see Edith this morning. + The two are off for the mountains together.... + They say Ralph was richer than Brough. + +[Illustration] + + + + +SEVENTEENTH CATERWAUL + + + They are sending Jack to boarding-school-- + He debated long should he take me? + If only I were a dog!--but grown boys + Don't make pets of cats.... + He doesn't know why he's going away-- + But I do: Alice, the maid, is in trouble + And Mrs. Horton is shocked--and doesn't + Want Jack to know. + +[Illustration] + + + + +EIGHTEENTH CATERWAUL + + + Ever since Jack went away + Mrs. Horton has looked after me. + The day he left + She came to the window + And threw out Old Horton's boots. + At first I thought they were thrown + At me--but it seems that she threw them + Wide of the window! + When I voiced my surprise + She hurried to me and now + I sleep on her divan! + +[Illustration] + + + + +NINETEENTH CATERWAUL + + + Clarence Horton, Jerolamon Jones and a few + Of the other young bloods had a party last night-- + Hunt breakfast they called it, I think. + They started by talking of dogs--hounds and + Horse-flesh and mounts. I gathered that sort of sport + Leaves all the toil to the dogs + And the glory and brush to the hunter. + For this kind of thing + They were well fit-- + And none of them went home too sober! + +[Illustration] + + + + +TWENTIETH CATERWAUL + + + Mrs. Horton sent Alice away--she left last night + After dark. + It was better the neighbors + Shouldn't see! + There was no reason therefore + To send poor Jack away!-- + Perhaps it was just as well? + Mrs. Horton wouldn't have Alice around + Lest it embarrass Edith and--her.... + I followed Alice some way and she seemed + Quite cheerful enough. + Waiting is much the same + No matter what one expects. + +[Illustration] + + + + +TWENTY-FIRST CATERWAUL + + + Brough is through with the Courts + And continues to ride in his car. + He called for Edith last night + When Mrs. Horton was out--she had gone + To the hospital where Alice was + Supposed to have gone.... + Brough's chauffeur + Isn't paid but it's the only way to get what + One wants--to keep right on + Especially when fishing for eels! + Brough is a financier--the rest of us + Only fish! + +[Illustration] + + + + +TWENTY-SECOND CATERWAUL + + + In my morning stroll I found + The Jerolamon Jones' door stood open; + I looked about and went in + But received a scanty welcome-- + Indeed I was promptly chased out + By the maid. + This afternoon Mrs. Jones called + To beg Mrs. Horton + To loan her the valuable cat + As the maid had discovered + A mouse. + Thus do values increase + And appreciation follow apace! + +[Illustration] + + + + +TWENTY-THIRD CATERWAUL + + + The maid that had chased me out + Fondled me as she carried me over + Till my fur bristled.... + The mice have + Disappeared--I finished as luncheon was served, + And sat by the serving-table. + But the Joneses all ate so much + That I wasn't even noticed--and when I was, + They sent me back to the Horton's + At once.... + Mrs. Horton fed me herself! + +[Illustration] + + + + +TWENTY-FOURTH CATERWAUL + + + I saw the maid, Alice, last night; + She was wandering near the bright lights + And the carnivorous shadows--Shadows + That burned to my soul as I saw her + Speak to a man. They went down the street + Together, the veil of darkness hid them, + And when I got home Mrs. Horton + Was telling a friend that "Alice + Was lost beyond any redemption; at any rate + She herself could no longer help!"-- + What problems beset our family! + +[Illustration] + + + + +TWENTY-FIFTH CATERWAUL + + + Jack was home for Christmas + But I saw him hardly at all-- + To the front door he now has a key + And the hours he keeps are quite varied. + One morning he slept very late + And the name that he spoke in his dreams + Was "Alice." + Mrs. Horton was proud of her son and the party + She gave him was sumptuous. + +[Illustration] + + + + +TWENTY-SIXTH CATERWAUL + + + We have a new cook at the Horton's + Who saves the bean water for soup.... + I've enjoyed such broth at the Mallory's, + But at the Horton's!!!-- + And their bills are always as large + As before Bridget was installed. + But Edith and Mrs. Horton are pleased + And the baby and I can't complain!! + +[Illustration] + + + + +TWENTY-SEVENTH CATERWAUL + + + There's a new baby at the Mallory's + And the rest of the children are pleased; + Mallory and his wife are as happy as larks.... + Edith Horton has a toy Angora + And Mrs. Horton has forgotten me-- + Indeed she has put me out.... + Again I must wander the streets! + +[Illustration] + + + + +TWENTY-EIGHTH CATERWAUL + + + I followed Alice last night + Down to her alley and room-- + She stooped as she entered her door + And petted me much as she used to.... + Then she cuddled her baby and seemed + Far fonder of it than Mrs. Horton of hers + And nearly as much + As Edith of her angora.... + +[Illustration] + + + + +TWENTY-NINTH CATERWAUL + + + I sat on the curb at the corner + Just outside the saloon + Where politics rule and + Presidents are made and unmade. + Two men were discussing the War.... + And when they were through, the conclusion + Was discussion untempered by argument.... + Unconvinced I went on my way. + +[Illustration] + + + + +THIRTIETH CATERWAUL + + + All afternoon I sat in the shade + Of a hideous skyscraper + On the Avenue. + Women of all sorts went by + And their footgear and stockings + Were varied. + Skirts that our grandmothers used + To clothe five- and ten-year-old girlies + Revealed twelve inches of hose-- + Nor the three-shade boots that shod them + Would help a Chinaman guess + The age of the wearers who proudly + Boasted this awful foundation.... + And yet are most of the women + Sweet-souled and modest.... + I polished my claws once again! + +[Illustration] + + + + +THIRTY-FIRST CATERWAUL + + + I looked in at the restaurant window + Through which gleamed a medley of color-- + Diamonds, pearl pendants and rubies, + And ruby and gold was the wine + Blazing first in glasses rich-stemmed, + Then blazoned bright in the glances + Of women; + Some with their husbands and fathers, + Others leering and brazen-- + But my milk tasted sweeter + Next morning, for to the poor + All things are pure! + +[Illustration] + + + + +THIRTY-SECOND CATERWAUL + + + I hadn't eaten for hours + And all the house doors were shut-- + The heat of the sun was oppressive + So I languished in the shade, + Though my appetite was appalling.... + Beside there were plenty of sparrows + Ready to eat when I chose to.... + But when the sun was gone, + So were the sparrows! + +[Illustration] + + + + +THIRTY-THIRD CATERWAUL + + + The Mallorys have taken me in.... + Mallory says: one more to feed.... + But the children like it to play + And it looks like Horton's old cat + So it's certain to be a good one.... + Even if discarded. + +[Illustration] + + + + +THIRTY-FOURTH CATERWAUL + + + Mrs. Mallory read from the paper + Where wise ones answer fool's queries + And this was one of the questions: + Is it possible a woman + Who has bitten her nails all her life + Since first she had teeth + Could so cause her baby + The affliction of two thumbs on one hand?... + Did they ever think that of cats? + +[Illustration] + + + + +THIRTY-FIFTH CATERWAUL + + + If we really had nine lives, + None akin to the others + And all the hopes of each life + Were answered in the next, + Perhaps a cat's existence would + Still be unsatisfactory? + +[Illustration] + + + + +THIRTY-SIXTH CATERWAUL + + + Joe Mallory told Jack about Alice-- + At least of her fate. + Jack found her address + And wanted to help.... + And yet there are some + Who believe heredity infallible! + +[Illustration] + + + + +THIRTY-SEVENTH CATERWAUL + + + While Jack tried to smother + Alice's wild burning fires + Joe never obtruded-- + But when Jack was not watching + Joe brought more wood + To the kindling.... + Still they were friends. + +[Illustration] + + + + +THIRTY-EIGHTH CATERWAUL + + + You should have read Brough's + Obituary.... He died + When he'd rescued a fortune + By making hardware and debts: + ... MOST RESPECTED MERCHANT ... + PHILANTHROPIST.... Loss to + The Community ... and over a + Dozen "Resolved's." + The Merchants' Club framed his picture. + And to think + Generations of men proudly + Will claim his descent! + +[Illustration] + + + + +THIRTY-NINTH CATERWAUL + + + Edith Horton is married-- + (Joe Mallory went to the wedding)-- + Many a thorn-edge is dulled + By brushing it by in a hurry.... + And roses often change hue + Between the bright sun and the limelight. + +[Illustration] + + + + +FORTIETH CATERWAUL + + + I watched a man cranking his motor. + It stalled.... + He tinkered with levers + Till he gave it up in despair + And stood disconsolate staring. + When he cranked it again + It started so quickly + That it raised the hair of my coat. + +[Illustration] + + + + +FORTY-FIRST CATERWAUL + + + Jones' collie and Mallory's hound + Were discussing a new-found bone + With vicious snarling and snapping + And other unseemly behaviour.... + On the fence above them I sat + Distressed.... + Neither dared touch the prize.... + Nor would either allow the other. + Then Jerry and Joe both whistled.... + The bone lies forgotten and wasted. + +[Illustration] + + + + +FORTY-SECOND CATERWAUL + + + It grew very warm in the house, + The Mallorys mopping and sweating-- + Perspiration is fuel for temper-- + Even I couldn't stand the heat + Nor tell them no windows were open.... + But cats are always too obvious; + So I went out for a walk. + +[Illustration] + + + + +FORTY-THIRD CATERWAUL + + + Alice is dead of consumption.... + All Jack's efforts were useless; + Disconsolate he tried to comfort + The last of her wasted moments.... + "God will forgive you," he whispered.... + Yet who is the judge of the Damned?-- + And Joe is much disappointed + Though he feels he may have hurried + Alice's end.... I wonder + What I repent?--or is it only + Regret? + +[Illustration] + + + + +FORTY-FOURTH CATERWAUL + + + All my life I have studied + The passerby-faces + And known them.... + Sometimes they noticed me; + Others more often seemed + Unconscious I saw them. + I wondered what they were thinking.... + Or had they no thoughts + But like wax that responds + To momentary impressions? + I'm sure I read all the faces.... + Did I know them-- + Except when they kicked me + Or petted? + +[Illustration] + + + + +FORTY-FIFTH CATERWAUL + + + At last I have to confess + That all my judgment is blinded! + Jack and Joe are now partners, + Croesus and Job united + In one homogeneous effort.... + And yet my kind make nights hideous + By howling continuous calamity! + +[Illustration] + + + + +FORTY-SIXTH CATERWAUL + + + Now that the Mallorys have money + They haven't changed the brand + Of my milk nor their butcher. + They wear more clothes + And better; but they still + Continue to pet me. + +[Illustration] + + + + +FORTY-SEVENTH CATERWAUL + + + Joe sent Pat Mallory through college; + Up there Pat says that his father + Is Superintendent of power-- + Old Mallory's just a plain foreman-- + But Pat still with reason + Differs + From the verdict given by Horton, + For Pat still worships his father, + And still calls me + Poor old Cat.... + +[Illustration] + + + + +FORTY-EIGHTH CATERWAUL + + + I heard Pat talking of college-- + Some of Pat's friends have been visiting-- + I wondered what they were learning! + Pat is surely improving. + Still Joe would always have prospered + In or out of a college-- + And yet I shall always be + Just a cat. + +[Illustration] + + + + +FORTY-NINTH CATERWAUL + + + I've watched in the rain and snow + Sunshine and cloudy weather + For any change in my spirit; + But whether I've eaten a fish + Or had just a drink of milk,-- + Only that I found made + A difference. + +[Illustration] + + + + +FIFTIETH CATERWAUL + + + Go on with your work-- + Patient Stranger! + I've told you enough of my + Wanderings. + The Mallorys are troubled with mice + And never close house for the summer! + +[Illustration] + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Feline Philosophy, by Walter Léon Hess + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 42897 *** |