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+The Project Gutenberg Etext of As A Matter Of Course, by Annie Payson Call
+#4 in our series by Annie Payson Call
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+Title: As A Matter Of Course
+
+Author: Annie Payson Call
+
+Release Date: August, 2003 [Etext# 4385]
+[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule]
+[This file was first posted on January 20, 2002]
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+The Project Gutenberg Etext of As A Matter Of Course, by Annie Payson Call
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+
+
+
+Created by: Steve Solomon ssolomon@soilandhealth.org
+
+
+
+
+AS A MATTER OF COURSE
+
+BY
+
+ANNIE PAYSON CALL
+Author of "Power Through Repose," "The Freedom of Life,"
+"Nerves and Common Sense," Etc.
+
+
+1894
+
+
+
+
+
+
+PREFACE.
+
+THE aim of this book is to assist towards the removal of nervous
+irritants, which are not only the cause of much physical disease,
+but materially interfere with the best possibilities of usefulness
+and pleasure in everyday life.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS.
+
+
+
+
+
+I. INTRODUCTION
+II. PHYSICAL CARE
+III. AMUSEMENTS
+IV. BRAIN IMPRESSIONS
+V. THE TRIVIALITY OF TRIVIALITIES
+VI. MOODS
+VII. TOLERANCE
+VIII. SYMPATHY
+IX. OTHERS
+X. ONE'S SELF
+XI. CHILDREN
+XII. ILLNESS
+XIII. SENTIMENT VERSUS SENTIMENTALITY
+XIV. PROBLEMS
+XV. SUMMARY
+
+
+
+
+
+
+AS A MATTER OF COURSE.
+
+
+I.
+
+INTRODUCTION.
+
+IN climbing a mountain, if we know the path and take it as a matter
+of course, we are free to enjoy the beauties of the surrounding
+country. If in the same journey we set a stone in the way and
+recognize our ability to step over it, we do so at once, and save
+ourselves from tripping or from useless waste of time and thought as
+to how we might best go round it.
+
+There are stones upon stones in every-day life which might be
+stepped over with perfect ease, but which, curiously enough, are
+considered from all sides and then tripped upon; and the result is a
+stubbing of the moral toes, and a consequent irritation of the
+nervous system. Or, if semi-occasionally one of these stones is
+stepped over as a matter of course, the danger is that attention is
+immediately called to the action by admiring friends, or by the
+person himself, in a way so to tickle the nervous system that it
+amounts to an irritation, and causes him to trip over the next
+stone, and finally tumble on his nose. Then, if he is not wise
+enough to pick himself up and walk on with the renewed ability of
+stepping over future stones, he remains on his nose far longer than
+is either necessary or advisable.
+
+These various stones in the way do more towards keeping a nervous
+system in a chronic state of irritation than is imagined. They are
+what might perhaps be called the outside elements of life. These
+once normally faced, cease to exist as impediments, dwindle away,
+and finally disappear altogether.
+
+Thus we are enabled to get nearer the kernel, and have a growing
+realization of life itself.
+
+Civilization may give a man new freedom, a freedom beyond any power
+of description or conception, except to those who achieve it, or it
+may so bind him body and soul that in moments when he recognizes his
+nervous contractions he would willingly sell his hope of immortality
+to be a wild horse or tiger for the rest of his days.
+
+These stones in the way are the result of a perversion of
+civilization, and the cause of much contraction and unnecessary
+suffering.
+
+There is the physical stone. If the health of the body were attended
+to as a matter of course, as its cleanliness is attended to by those
+of us who are more civilized, how much easier life might be! Indeed,
+the various trippings on, and endeavors to encircle, this physical
+stone, raise many phantom stones, and the severity of the fall is
+just as great when one trips over a stone that is not there. Don
+Quixote was quite exhausted when he had been fighting the windmills.
+One recognizes over and over the truth spoken by the little girl
+who, when reprimanded by her father for being fretful, said: "It
+isn't me, papa, it's that banana."
+
+There is also the over-serious stone; and this, so far from being
+stepped over or any effort made to encircle it, is often raised to
+the undue dignity of a throne, and not rested upon. It seems to
+produce an inability for any sort of recreation, and a scorn of the
+necessity or the pleasure of being amused. Every one will admit that
+recreation is one swing of life's pendulum; and in proportion to the
+swing in that direction will be the strength of the swing in the
+other direction, and vice versa.
+
+One kind of stone which is not the least among the self-made
+impediments is the microscopic faculty which most of us possess for
+increasing small, inoffensive pebbles to good-sized rocks. A quiet
+insistence on seeing these pebbles in their natural size would
+reduce them shortly to a pile of sand which might be easily smoothed
+to a level, and add to the comfort of the path. Moods are stones
+which not only may be stepped over, but kicked right out of the path
+with a good bold stroke. And the stones of intolerance may be
+replaced by an open sympathy,--an ability to take the other's point
+of view,--which will bring flowers in the path instead.
+
+In dealing with ourselves and others there are stones innumerable,
+if one chooses to regard them, and a steadily decreasing number as
+one steps over and ignores. In our relations with illness and
+poverty, so-called, the ghosts of stones multiply themselves as the
+illness or the poverty is allowed to be a limit rather than a guide.
+And there is nothing that exorcises all such ghosts more truly than
+a free and open intercourse with little children.
+
+If we take this business of slipping over our various nerve-stones
+as a matter of course, and not as a matter of sentiment, we get a
+powerful result just as surely as we get powerful results in
+obedience to any other practical laws.
+
+In bygone generations men used to fight and kill one another for the
+most trivial cause. As civilization increased, self-control was
+magnified into a virtue, and the man who governed himself and
+allowed his neighbor to escape unslain was regarded as a hero.
+Subsequently, general slashing was found to be incompatible with a
+well-ordered community, and forbearance in killing or scratching or
+any other unseemly manner of attacking an enemy was taken as a
+matter of course.
+
+Nowadays we do not know how often this old desire to kill is
+repressed, a brain-impression of hatred thereby intensified, and a
+nervous irritation caused which has its effect upon the entire
+disposition. It would hardly be feasible to return to the killing to
+save the irritation that follows repression; civilization has taken
+us too far for that. But civilization does not necessarily mean
+repression. There are many refinements of barbarity in our
+civilization which might be dropped now, as the coarser expressions
+of such states were dropped by our ancestors to enable them to reach
+the present stage of knives and forks and napkins. And inasmuch as
+we are farther on the way towards a true civilization, our progress
+should be more rapid than that of our barbaric grandfathers. An
+increasingly accelerated progress has proved possible in scientific
+research and discovery; why not, then, in our practical dealings
+with ourselves and one another?
+
+Does it not seem likely that the various forms of nervous
+irritation, excitement, or disease may result as much from the
+repressed savage within us as from the complexity of civilization?
+The remedy is, not to let the savage have his own way; with many of
+us, indeed, this would be difficult, because of the generations of
+repression behind us. It is to cast his skin, so to speak, and rise
+to another order of living.
+
+Certainly repression is only apparent progress. No good physician
+would allow it in bodily disease, and, on careful observation, the
+law seems to hold good in other phases of life.
+
+There must be a practical way by which these stones, these survivals
+of barbaric times, may be stepped over and made finally to
+disappear.
+
+The first necessity is to take the practical way, and not the
+sentimental. Thus true sentiment is found, not lost.
+
+The second is to follow daily, even hourly, the process of stepping
+over until it comes to be indeed a matter of course. So, little by
+little, shall we emerge from this mass of abnormal nervous
+irritation into what is more truly life itself.
+                                               
+
+
+II.
+
+PHYSICAL CARE.
+
+REST, fresh air, exercise, and nourishment, enough of each in
+proportion to the work done, are the material essentials to a
+healthy physique. Indeed, so simple is the whole process of physical
+care, it would seem absurd to write about it at all. The only excuse
+for such writing is the constant disobedience to natural laws which
+has resulted from the useless complexity of our civilization.
+
+There is a current of physical order which, if one once gets into
+it, gives an instinct as to what to do and what to leave undone, as
+true as the instinct which leads a man to wash his hands when they
+need it, and to wash them often enough so that they never remain
+soiled for any length of time, simply because that state is
+uncomfortable to their owner. Soap and water are not unpleasant to
+most of us in their process of cleansing; we have to deny ourselves
+nothing through their use. To keep the digestion in order, it is
+often necessary to deny ourselves certain sensations of the palate
+which are pleasant at the time. So by a gradual process of not
+denying we are swung out of the instinctive nourishment-current, and
+life is complicated for us either by an amount of thought as to what
+we should or should not eat, or by irritations which arise from
+having eaten the wrong food. It is not uncommon to find a mind taken
+up for some hours in wondering whether that last piece of cake will
+digest. We can easily see how from this there might be developed a
+nervous sensitiveness about eating which would prevent the
+individual from eating even the food that is nourishing. This last
+is a not unusual form of dyspepsia,--a dyspepsia which keeps itself
+alive on the patient's want of nourishment.
+
+Fortunately the process of getting back into the true food-current
+is not difficult if one will adopt it The trouble is in making the
+bold plunge. If anything is eaten that is afterwards deemed to have
+been imprudent, let it disagree. Take the full consequences and bear
+them like a man, with whatever remedies are found to lighten the
+painful result. Having made sure through bitter experience that a
+particular food disagrees, simply do not take it again, and think
+nothing about it. It does not exist for you. A nervous resistance to
+any sort of indigestion prolongs the attack and leaves, a
+brain-impression which not only makes the same trouble more liable
+to recur, but increases the temptation to eat forbidden fruit. Of
+course this is always preceded by a full persuasion that the food is
+not likely to disagree with us now simply because it did before. And
+to some extent, this is true. Food that will bring pain and
+suffering when taken by a tired stomach, may prove entirely
+nourishing when the stomach is rested and ready for it. In that
+case, the owner of the stomach has learned once for all never to
+give his digestive apparatus work to do when it is tired. Send a
+warm drink as a messenger to say that food is coming later, give
+yourself a little rest, and then eat your dinner. The fundamental
+laws of health in eating are very simple; their variations for
+individual needs must be discovered by each for himself.
+
+"But," it may be objected, "why make all this fuss, why take so much
+thought about what I eat or what I do not eat?" The special thought
+is simply to be taken at first to get into the normal habit, and as
+a means of forgetting our digestion just as we forget the washing of
+our hands until we are reminded by some discomfort; whereupon we
+wash them and forget again. Nature will not allow us to forget. When
+we are not obeying her laws, she is constantly irritating us in one
+way or another. It is when we obey, and obey as a matter of course,
+that she shows herself to be a tender mother, and helps us to a real
+companionship with her.
+
+Nothing is more amusing, nothing could appeal more to Mother
+Nature's sense of humor, than the various devices for exercise which
+give us a complicated self-consciousness rather than a natural
+development of our physical powers. Certain simple exercises are
+most useful, and if the weather is so inclement that they cannot be
+taken in the open air, it is good to have a well-ventilated hall.
+Exercise with others, too, is stimulating, and more invigorating
+when there is air enough and to spare. But there is nothing that
+shows the subjective, self-conscious state of this generation more
+than the subjective form which exercise takes. Instead of games and
+play or a good vigorous walk in the country, there are endless
+varieties of physical culture, most of it good and helpful if taken
+as a means to an end, but almost useless as it is taken as an end in
+itself; for it draws the attention to one's self and one's own
+muscles in a way to make the owner serve the muscle instead of the
+muscle being made to serve the owner. The more physical exercise can
+be simplified and made objective, the more it serves its end. To
+climb a high mountain is admirable exercise, for we have the summit
+as an end, and the work of climbing is steadily objective, while we
+get the delicious effect of a freer circulation and all that it
+means. There might be similar exercises in gymnasiums, and there
+are, indeed, many exercises where some objective achievement is the
+end, and the training of a muscle follows as a matter of course.
+There is the exercise-instinct; we all have it the more perfectly as
+we obey it. If we have suffered from a series of disobediences, it
+is a comparatively easy process to work back into obedience.
+
+The fresh-air-instinct is abnormally developed with some of us, but
+only with some. The popular fear of draughts is one cause of its
+loss. The fear of a draught will cause a contraction, the
+contraction will interfere with the circulation, and a cold is the
+natural result.
+
+The effect of vitiated air is well known. The necessity, not only
+for breathing fresh air when we are quiet, but for exercising in the
+open, grows upon us as we see the result. To feel the need is to
+take the remedy, as a matter of course.
+
+The rest-instinct is most generally disobeyed, most widely needed,
+and obedience to it would bring the most effective results. A
+restful state of mind and body prepares one for the best effects
+from exercise, fresh air, and nourishment. This instinct is the more
+disobeyed because with the need for rest there seems to come an
+inability to take it, so that not only is every impediment
+magnified, but imaginary impediments are erected, and only a decided
+and insistent use of the will in dropping everything that
+interferes, whether real or imaginary, will bring a whiff of a
+breeze from the true rest-current. Rest is not always silence, but
+silence is always rest; and a real silence of the mind is known by
+very few. Having gained that, or even approached it, we are taken by
+the rest-wind itself, and it is strong enough to bear our full
+weight as it swings us along to renewed life and new strength for
+work to come.
+
+The secret is to turn to silence at the first hint from nature; and
+sleep should be the very essence of silence itself.
+
+All this would be very well if we were free to take the right amount
+of rest, fresh air, exercise, and nourishment; but many of us are
+not. It will not be difficult for any one to call to mind half a
+dozen persons who impede the good which might result from the use of
+these four necessities simply by complaining that they cannot have
+their full share of either. Indeed, some of us may find in ourselves
+various stones of this sort stopping the way. To take what we can
+and be thankful, not only enables us to gain more from every source
+of health, but opens the way for us to see clearly how to get more.
+This complaint, however, is less of an impediment than the whining
+and fussing which come from those who are free to take all four in
+abundance, and who have the necessity of their own especial physical
+health so much at heart that there is room to think of little else.
+These people crowd into the various schools of physical culture by
+the hundred, pervade the rest-cures, and are ready for any new
+physiological fad which may arise, with no result but more physical
+culture, more rest-cure, and more fads. Nay, there is sometimes one
+other result,--disease. That gives them something tangible to work
+for or to work about. But all their eating and breathing and
+exercising and resting does not bring lasting vigorous health,
+simply because they work at it as an end, of which self is the
+centre and circumference.
+
+The sooner our health-instinct is developed, and then taken as a
+matter of course, the sooner can the body become a perfect servant,
+to be treated with true courtesy, and then forgotten. Here is an
+instinct of our barbarous ancestry which may be kept and refined
+through all future phases of civilization. This instinct is natural,
+and the obedience to it enables us to gain more rapidly in other,
+higher instincts which, if our ancestors had at all, were so
+embryonic as not to have attained expression.
+
+Nourishment, fresh air, exercise, rest,--so far as these are not
+taken simply and in obedience to the natural instinct, there arise
+physical stones in the way, stones that form themselves into an
+apparently insurmountable wall. There is a stile over that wall,
+however, if we will but open our eyes to see it. This stile,
+carefully climbed, will enable us to step over the few stones on the
+other side, and follow the physical path quite clearly.
+
+
+
+III.
+
+AMUSEMENTS.
+
+THE ability to be easily and heartily amused brings a wholesome
+reaction from intense thought or hard work of any kind which does
+more towards keeping the nervous system in a normal state than
+almost anything else of an external kind.
+
+As a Frenchman very aptly said: "This is all very well, all this
+study and care to relieve one's nerves; but would it not be much
+simpler and more effective to go and amuse one's self ?" The same
+Frenchman could not realize that in many countries amusement is
+almost a lost art. Fortunately, it is not entirely lost; and the
+sooner it is regained, the nearer we shall be to health and
+happiness.
+
+One of the chief impediments in the way of hearty amusement is
+over-seriousness. There should be two words for "serious," as there
+are literally two meanings. There is a certain intense form of
+taking the care and responsibility of one's own individual
+interests, or the interests of others which are selfishly made one's
+own, which leads to a surface-seriousness that is not only a chronic
+irritation of the nervous system, but a constant distress to those
+who come under this serious care. This is taking life _au grand
+serieux_. The superficiality of this attitude is striking, and would
+be surprising could the sufferer from such seriousness once see
+himself (or more often it is herself) in a clear light. It is quite
+common to call such a person over-serious, when in reality he is not
+serious enough. He or she is laboring under a sham seriousness, as
+an actor might who had such a part to play and merged himself in the
+character. These people are simply exaggerating their own importance
+to life, instead of recognizing life's importance to them. An
+example of this is the heroine of Mrs. Ward's "Robert Elsmere," who
+refused to marry because the family could not get on without her;
+and when finally she consented, the family lived more happily and
+comfortably than when she considered herself their leader. If this
+woman's seriousness, which blinded her judgment, had been real
+instead of sham, the state of the case would have been quite clear
+to her; but then, indeed, there would have been no case at all.
+
+When seriousness is real, it is never intrusive and can never be
+overdone. It is simply a quiet, steady obedience to recognized laws
+followed as a matter of course, which must lead to a clearer
+appreciation of such laws, and of our own freedom in obeying them.
+Whereas with a sham seriousness we dwell upon the importance of our
+own relation to the law, and our own responsibility in forcing
+others to obey. With the real, it is the law first, and then my
+obedience. With the sham, it is myself first, and then the laws; and
+often a strained obedience to laws of my own making.
+
+This sham seriousness, which is peculiarly a New England trait, but
+may also be found in many other parts of the world, is often the
+perversion of a strong, fine nature. It places many stones in the
+way, most of them phantoms, which, once stepped over and then
+ignored, brings to light a nature nobly expansive, and a source of
+joy to all who come in contact with it. But so long as the
+"seriousness "lasts, it is quite incompatible with any form of real
+amusement.
+
+For the very essence of amusement is the child-spirit. The child
+throws himself heartily and spontaneously into the game, or whatever
+it may be, and forgets that there is anything else in the world, for
+the time being. Children have nothing else to remember. We have the
+advantage of them there, in the pleasure of forgetting and in the
+renewed strength with which we can return to our work or care, in
+consequence. Any one who cannot play children's games with children,
+and with the same enjoyment that children have, does not know the
+spirit of amusement. For this same spirit must be taken into all
+forms of amusement, especially those that are beyond the childish
+mind, to bring the delicious reaction which nature is ever ready to
+bestow. This is almost a self-evident truth; and yet so confirmed is
+man in his sham maturity that it is quite common to see one look
+with contempt, and a sense of superiority which is ludicrous, upon
+another who is enjoying a child's game like a child. The trouble is
+that many of us are so contracted in and oppressed by our own
+self-consciousness that open spontaneity is out of the question and
+even inconceivable. The sooner we shake it off, the better. When the
+great philosopher said, "Except ye become as little children," he
+must have meant it all the way through in spirit, if not in the
+letter. It certainly is the common-sense view, whichever way we look
+at it, and proves as practical as walking upon one's feet.
+
+With the spontaneity grows the ability to be amused, and with that
+ability comes new power for better and really serious work.
+
+To endeavor with all your might to win, and then if you fail, not to
+care, relieves a game of an immense amount of unnecessary nervous
+strain. A spirit of rivalry has so taken hold of us and become such
+a large stone in the way, that it takes wellnigh a reversal of all
+our ideas to realize that this same spirit is quite compatible with
+a good healthy willingness that the other man should win--if he can.
+Not from the goody-goody motive of wishing your neighbor to
+beat,--no neighbor would thank you for playing with him in that
+spirit,--but from a feeling that you have gone in to beat, you have
+done your best, as far as you could see, and where you have not, you
+have learned to do better. The fact of beating is not of paramount
+importance. Every man should have his chance, and, from your
+opponent's point of view, provided you were as severe on him as you
+knew how to be at the time, it is well that he won. You will see
+that it does not happen again.
+
+Curious it is that the very men or women who would scorn to play a
+child's game in a childlike spirit, will show the best known form of
+childish fretfulness and sheer naughtiness in their way of taking a
+game which is considered to be more on a level with the adult mind,
+and so rasp their nerves and the nerves of their opponents that
+recreation is simply out of the question.
+
+Whilst one should certainly have the ability to enjoy a child's game
+with a child and like a child, that not only does not exclude the
+preference which many, perhaps most of us may have for more mature
+games, it gives the power to play those games with a freedom and
+ease which help to preserve a healthy nervous system.
+
+If, however, amusement is taken for the sole purpose of preserving a
+normal nervous system, or for returning to health, it loses its zest
+just in proportion. If, as is often the case, one must force one's
+self to it at first, the love of the fun will gradually come as one
+ignores the first necessity of forcing; and the interest will come
+sooner if a form of amusement is taken quite opposite to the daily
+work, a form which will bring new faculties and muscles into action.
+
+There is, of course, nothing that results in a more unpleasant state
+of ennui than an excess of amusement. After a certain amount of
+careless enjoyment, life comes to a deadly stupid standstill, or the
+forms of amusement grow lower. In either case the effect upon the
+nervous system is worse even than over-work.
+
+The variety in sources of amusement is endless, and the ability to
+get amusement out of almost anything is delightful, as long as it is
+well balanced.
+
+After all, our amusement depends upon the way in which we take our
+work, and our work, again, depends upon the amusement; they play
+back and forth into one another's hands.
+
+The man or the woman who cannot get the holiday spirit, who cannot
+enjoy pure fun for the sake of fun, who cannot be at one with a
+little child, not only is missing much in life that is clear
+happiness, but is draining his nervous system, and losing his better
+power for work accordingly.
+
+This anti-amusement stone once removed, the path before us is
+entirely new and refreshing.
+
+The power to be amused runs in nations. But each individual is in
+himself a nation, and can govern himself as such; and if he has any
+desire for the prosperity of his own kingdom, let him order a public
+holiday at regular intervals, and see that the people enjoy it.
+
+
+
+IV.
+
+BRAIN IMPRESSIONS.
+
+THE mere idea of a brain clear from false impressions gives a sense
+of freedom which is refreshing.
+
+In a comic journal, some years ago, there was a picture of a man in
+a most self-important attitude, with two common mortals in the
+background gazing at him. "What makes him stand like that?" said
+one. "Because," answered the other, "that is his own idea of
+himself." The truth suggested in that picture strikes one aghast;
+for in looking about us we see constant examples of attitudinizing
+in one's own idea of one's self. There is sometimes a feeling of
+fright as to whether I am not quite as abnormal in my idea of myself
+as are those about me.
+
+If one could only get the relief of acknowledging ignorance of one's
+self, light would be welcome, however given. In seeing the truth of
+an unkind criticism one could forget to resent the spirit; and what
+an amount of nerve-friction might be saved! Imagine the surprise of
+a man who, in return for a volley of abuse, should receive thanks
+for light thrown upon a false attitude. Whatever we are enabled to
+see, relieves us of one mistaken brain-impression, which we can
+replace by something more agreeable. And if, in the excitement of
+feeling, the mistake was exaggerated, what is that to us? All we
+wanted was to see it in quality. As to degree, that lessens in
+proportion as the quality is bettered. Fortunately, in living our
+own idea of ourselves, it is only ourselves we deceive, with
+possible exceptions in the case of friends who are so used to us, or
+so over-fond of us, as to lose the perspective.
+
+There is the idea of humility,--an obstinate belief that we know we
+are nothing at all, and deserve no credit; which, literally
+translated, means we know we are everything, and deserve every
+credit. There is the idea, too, of immense dignity, of freedom from
+all self-seeking and from all vanity. But it is idle to attempt to
+catalogue these various forms of private theatricals; they are
+constantly to be seen about us.
+
+It is with surprise unbounded that one hears another calmly assert
+that he is so-and-so or so-and-so, and in his next action, or next
+hundred actions, sees that same assertion entirely contradicted.
+Daily familiarity with the manifestations of mistaken brain-
+impressions does not lessen one's surprise at this curious personal
+contradiction; it gives one an increasing desire to look to one's
+self, and see how far these private theatricals extend in one's own
+case, and to throw off the disguise, as far as it is seen, with a
+full acknowledgment that there may be--probably is--an abundance
+more of which to rid one's self in future. There are many ways in
+which true openness in life, one with another, would be of immense
+service; and not the least of these is the ability gained to erase
+false brain-impressions.
+
+The self-condemnatory brain-impression is quite as pernicious as its
+opposite. Singularly enough, it goes with it. One often finds
+inordinate self-esteem combined with the most abject condemnation of
+self. One can be played against the other as a counter-irritant;
+but this only as a process of rousing, for the irritation of either
+brings equal misery. I am not even sure that as a rousing process it
+is ever really useful. To be clear of a mistaken brain-impression, a
+man must recognize it himself; and this recognition can never be
+brought about by an unasked attempt of help from another. It is
+often cleared by help asked and given; and perhaps more often by
+help which is quite involuntary and unconscious. One of the greatest
+points in friendly diplomacy is to be open and absolutely frank so
+far as we are asked, but never to go beyond. At least, in the
+experience of many, that leads more surely to the point where no
+diplomacy is needed, which is certainly the point to be aimed at in
+friendship. It is trying to see a friend living his own idea of
+himself, and to be obliged to wait until he has discovered that he
+is only playing a part. But this very waiting may be of immense
+assistance in reducing our own moral attitudinizing.
+
+How often do we hear others or find ourselves complaining of a fault
+over and over again! "I know that is a fault of mine, and has been
+for years. I wish I could get over it." "I know that is a fault of
+mine,"--one brain-impression; "it has been for years,"--a dozen or
+more brain-impressions, according to the number of years; until we
+have drilled the impression of that fault in, by emphasizing it over
+and over, to an extent which daily increases the difficulty of
+dropping it.
+
+So, if we have the habit of unpunctuality, and emphasize it by
+deploring it, it keeps us always behind time. If we are
+sharp-tongued, and dwell with remorse on something said in the past,
+it increases the tendency in the future.
+
+The slavery to nerve habit is a well-known physiological fact; but
+nerve habit may be strengthened negatively as well as positively.
+When this is more widely recognized, and the negative practice
+avoided, much will have been done towards freeing us from our
+subservience to mistaken brain-impressions.
+
+Let us take an instance: unpunctuality-for example, as that is a
+common form of repetition. If we really want to rid ourselves of the
+habit, suppose every time we are late we cease to deplore it; make a
+vivid mental picture of ourselves as being on time at the next
+appointment; then, with the how and the when clearly impressed upon
+our minds, there should be an absolute refusal to imagine ourselves
+anything but early. Surely that would be quite as effective as a
+constant repetition of the regret we feel at being late, whether
+this is repeated aloud to others, or only in our own minds. As we
+place the two processes side by side, the latter certainly has the
+advantage, and might be tried, until a better is found.
+
+Of course we must beware of getting an impression of promptness
+which has no ground in reality. It is quite possible for an
+individual to be habitually and exasperatingly late, with all the
+air and innocence of unusual punctuality.
+
+It would strike us as absurd to see a man painting a house the color
+he did not like, and go on painting it the same color, to show
+others and himself that which he detested. Is it not equally absurd
+for any of us, through the constant expression of regret for a
+fault, to impress the tendency to it more and more upon the brain?
+It is intensely sad when the consciousness of evil once committed
+has so impressed a man with a sense of guilt as to make him steadily
+undervalue himself and his own powers.
+
+Here is a case where one's own idea of one's self is seventy-five
+per cent below par; and a gentle and consistent encouragement in
+raising that idea is most necessary before par is reached
+
+And par, as I understand it, is simple freedom from any fixed idea
+of one's self, either good or bad.
+
+If fixed impressions of one's self are stones in the way, the same
+certainly holds good with fixed impressions of others. Unpleasant
+brain-impressions of others are great weights, and greater
+impediments in the way of clearing our own brains. Suppose So-
+and-so had such a fault yesterday; it does not follow that he has
+not rid himself of at least part of it to-day. Why should we hold
+the brain-impression of his mistake, so that every time we look at
+him we make it stronger? He is not the gainer thereby, and we
+certainly are the losers. Repeated brain-impressions of another's
+faults prevent our discerning his virtues. We are constantly
+attributing to him disagreeable motives, which arise solely from our
+idea of him, and of which he is quite innocent. Not only so, but our
+mistaken impressions increase his difficulty in rising to the best
+of himself. For any one whose temperament is in the least sensitive
+is oppressed by what he feels to be another's idea of him, until he
+learns to clear himself of that as well as of other
+brain-impressions.
+
+It is not uncommon to hear one go over and over a supposed injury,
+or even small annoyances from others, with the reiterated assertion
+that he fervently desires to forget such injury or annoyances. This
+fervent desire to forgive and forget expresses itself by a repeated
+brain-impression of that which is to be forgiven; and if this is so
+often repeated in words, how many times more must it be repeated
+mentally! Thus, the brain-impression is increased until at last
+forgetting seems out of the question. And forgiving is impossible
+unless one can at the same time so entirely forget the ill-feeling
+roused as to place it beyond recall.
+
+Surely, if we realized the force and influence of unpleasant
+brain-impressions, it would be a simple matter to relax and let them
+escape, to be replaced by others that are only pleasant It cannot be
+that we enjoy the discomfort of the disagreeable impressions.
+
+And yet, so curiously perverted is human nature that we often hear a
+revolting story told with the preface, "Oh, I can't bear to think of
+it! "And the whole story is given, with a careful attention to
+detail which is quite unnecessary, even if there were any reason for
+telling the story at all, and generally concluded with a repetition
+of the prefatory exclamation. How many pathetic sights are told of,
+to no end but the repetition of an unpleasant brain-impression. How
+many past experiences, past illnesses, are gone over and over, which
+serve the same worse than useless purpose,--that of repeating and
+emphasizing the brain-impression.
+
+A little pain is made a big one by persistent dwelling upon it; what
+might have been a short pain is sometimes lengthened for a lifetime.
+Similarly, an old pain is brought back by recalling a
+brain-impression.
+
+The law of association is well known. We all know how familiar
+places and happenings will recall old feelings; we can realize this
+at any time by mentally reviving the association. By dwelling on the
+pain we had yesterday we are encouraging it to return to-morrow. By
+emphasizing the impression of an annoyance of to-day we are making
+it possible to suffer beyond expression from annoyances to come; and
+the annoyances, the pains, the disagreeable feelings will find their
+old brain-grooves with remarkable rapidity when given the ghost of a
+chance.
+
+I have known more than one case where a woman kept herself ill by
+the constant repetition, to others and to herself, of a nervous
+shock. A woman who had once been frightened by burglars refused to
+sleep for fear of being awakened by more burglars, thus increasing
+her impression of fear; and of course, if she slept at all, she was
+liable at any time to wake with a nervous start. The process of
+working herself into nervous prostration through this constant,
+useless repetition was not slow.
+
+The fixed impressions of preconceived ideas in any direction are
+strangely in the way of real freedom. It is difficult to catch new
+harmonies with old ones ringing in our ears; still more difficult
+when we persist in listening at the same time to discords.
+
+The experience of arguing with another whose preconceived idea is so
+firmly fixed that the argument is nothing but a series of circles,
+might be funny if it were not sad; and it often is funny, in spite
+of the sadness.
+
+Suppose we should insist upon retaining an unpleasant
+brain-impression, only when and so long as it seemed necessary in
+order to bring a remedy. That accomplished, suppose we dropped it on
+the instant. Suppose, further, that we should continue this process,
+and never allow ourselves to repeat a disagreeable brain-impression
+aloud or mentally. Imagine the result. Nature abhors a vacuum;
+something must come in place of the unpleasantness; therefore way is
+made for feelings more comfortable to one's self and to others.
+
+Bad feelings cause contraction, good ones expansion. Relax the
+muscular contraction; take a long, free breath of fresh air, and
+expansion follows as a matter of course. Drop the brain-contraction,
+take a good inhalation of whatever pleasant feeling is nearest, and
+the expansion is a necessary consequence.
+
+As we expand mentally, disagreeable brain-impressions, that in
+former contracted states were eclipsed by greater ones, will be
+keenly felt, and dropped at once, for the mere relief thus obtained.
+
+The healthier the brain, the more sensitive it is to false
+impressions, and the more easily are they dropped.
+
+One word by way of warning. We never can rid ourselves of an
+uncomfortable brain-impression by saying, "I will try to think
+something pleasant of that disagreeable man." The temptation, too,
+is very common to say to ourselves clearly, "I will try to think
+something pleasant," and then leave "of that disagreeable man" a
+subtle feeling in the background. The feeling in the background,
+however unconscious we may be of it, is a strong
+brain-impression,--all the stronger because we fail to recognize
+it,--and the result of our "something pleasant" is an insidious
+complacency at our own magnanimous disposition. Thus we get the
+disagreeable brain-impression of another, backed up by our agreeable
+brain-impression of ourselves, both mistaken. Unless we keep a sharp
+look-out, we may here get into a snarl from which extrication is
+slow work. Neither is it possible to counteract an unpleasant
+brain-impression by something pleasant but false. We must call a
+spade a spade, but not consider it a component part of the man who
+handles it, nor yet associate the man with the spade, or the spade
+with the man. When we drop it, so long as we drop it for what it is
+worth, which is nothing in the case of the spade in question, we
+have dropped it entirely. If we try to improve our brain-impression
+by insisting that a spade is something better and pleasanter, we are
+transforming a disagreeable impression to a mongrel state which
+again brings anything but a happy result.
+
+Simply to refuse all unpleasant brain-impressions, with no effort or
+desire to recast them into something that they are not, seems to be
+the only clear process to freedom. Not only so, but whatever there
+might have been pleasant in what seemed entirely unpleasant can more
+truly return as we drop the unpleasantness completely. It is a good
+thing that most of us can approach the freedom of such a change in
+imagination before we reach it in reality. So we can learn more
+rapidly not to hamper ourselves or others by retaining disagreeable
+brain-impressions of the present, or by recalling others of the past.
+
+
+
+V.
+
+THE TRIVIALITY OF TRIVIALITIES.
+
+LIFE is clearer, happier, and easier for us as things assume their
+true proportions. I might better say, as they come nearer in
+appearance to their true proportions; for it seems doubtful whether
+any one ever reaches the place in this world where the sense of
+proportion is absolutely normal. Some come much nearer than others;
+and part of the interest of living is the growing realization of
+better proportion, and the relief from the abnormal state in which
+circumstances seem quite out of proportion in their relation to one
+another.
+
+Imagine a landscape-painter who made his cows as large as the
+houses, his blades of grass waving above the tops of the trees, and
+all things similarly disproportionate. Or, worse, imagine a disease
+of the retina which caused a like curious change in the landscape
+itself wherein a mountain appeared to be a mole-hill, and a
+mole-hill a mountain.
+
+It seems absurd to think of. And, yet, is not the want of a true
+sense of proportion in the circumstances and relations of life quite
+as extreme with many of us? It is well that our physical sense
+remains intact. If we lost that too, there would seem to be but
+little hope indeed. Now, almost the only thing needed for a rapid
+approach to a more normal mental sense of proportion is a keener
+recognition of the want. But this want must be found first in
+ourselves, not in others. There is the inclination to regard our own
+life as bigger and more important than the life of any one about us;
+or the reverse attitude of bewailing its lack of importance, which
+is quite the same. In either case our own life is dwelt upon first.
+Then there is the immediate family, after that our own especial
+friends,--all assuming a gigantic size which puts quite out of the
+question an occasional bird's-eye view of the world in general. Even
+objects which might be in the middle distance of a less extended
+view are quite screened by the exaggerated size of those which seem
+to concern us most immediately.
+
+One's own life is important; one's own family and friends are
+important, very, when taken in their true proportion. One should
+surely be able to look upon one's own brothers and sisters as if
+they were the brothers and sisters of another, and to regard the
+brothers and sisters of another as one's own. Singularly, too, real
+appreciation of and sympathy with one's own grows with this broader
+sense of relationship. In no way is this sense shown more clearly
+than by a mother who has the breadth and the strength to look upon
+her own children as if they belonged to some one else, and upon the
+children of others as if they belonged to her. But the triviality of
+magnifying one's own out of all proportion has not yet been
+recognized by many.
+
+So every trivial happening in our own lives or the lives of those
+connected with us is exaggerated, and we keep ourselves and others
+in a chronic state of contraction accordingly.
+
+Think of the many trifles which, by being magnified and kept in the
+foreground, obstruct the way to all possible sight or appreciation
+of things that really hold a more important place. The cook, the
+waitress, various other annoyances of housekeeping; a gown that does
+not suit, the annoyances of travel, whether we said the right thing
+to so-and-so, whether so-and-so likes us or does not like
+us,--indeed, there is an immense army of trivial imps, and the
+breadth of capacity for entertaining these imps is so large in some
+of us as to be truly encouraging; for if the domain were once
+deserted by the imps, there remains the breadth, which must have the
+same capacity for holding something better. Unfortunately, a long
+occupancy by these miserable little offenders means eventually the
+saddest sort of contraction. What a picture for a new Gulliver!--a
+human being overwhelmed by the imps of triviality, and bound fast to
+the ground by manifold windings of their cobweb-sized thread.
+
+This exaggeration of trifles is one form of nervous disease. It
+would be exceedingly interesting and profitable to study the various
+phases of nervous disease as exaggerated expressions of perverted
+character. They can be traced directly and easily in many cases. If
+a woman fusses about trivialities, she fusses more when she is
+tired. The more fatigue, the more fussing; and with a persistent
+tendency to fatigue and fussing it does not take long to work up or
+down to nervous prostration. From this form of nervous excitement
+one never really recovers, except by a hearty acknowledgment of the
+trivialities as trivialities, when, with growing health, there is a
+growing sense of true proportion.
+
+I have seen a woman spend more attention, time, and nerve-power on
+emphasizing the fact that her hands were all stained from the dye on
+her dress than a normal woman would take for a good hour's work. As
+she grew better, this emphasizing of trivialities decreased, but, of
+course, might have returned with any over-fatigue, unless it had
+been recognized, taken at its worth, and simply dropped. Any one can
+think of example after example in his own individual experience,
+when he has suffered unnecessary tortures through the regarding of
+trifling things, either by himself or by some one near him. With
+many, the first instance will probably be to insist, with emphasis
+and some feeling, that they are _not_ trivialities.
+
+Trivialities have their importance _when given their true proportion_.
+The size of a triviality is often exaggerated as much by neglect as
+by an undue amount of attention. When we do what we can to amend an
+annoyance, and then think no more about it until there appears
+something further to do, the saving of nervous force is very great.
+Yet, so successful have these imps of triviality come to be in their
+rule of human nature that the trivialities of the past are
+oftentimes dwelt upon with as much earnestness as if they belonged
+to the present.
+
+The past itself is a triviality, except in its results. Yet what an
+immense screen it is sometimes to any clear understanding or
+appreciation of the present! How many of us have listened over and
+over to the same tale of past annoyances, until we wonder how it can
+be possible that the constant repetition is not recognized by the
+narrator! How many of us have been over and over in our minds past
+troubles, little and big, so that we have no right whatever to feel
+impatient when listening to such repetitions by others! Here again
+we have, in nervous disease, the extreme of a common trait in
+humanity. With increased nervous fatigue there is always an increase
+of the tendency to repetition. Best drop it before it gets to the
+fatigue stage, if possible.
+
+Then again there are the common things of life, such as dressing and
+undressing, and the numberless every-day duties. It is possible to
+distort them to perfect monstrosities by the manner of dwelling upon
+them. Taken as a matter of course, they are the very triviality of
+trivialities, and assume their place without second thought.
+
+When life seems to get into such a snarl that we despair of
+disentangling it, a long journey and change of human surroundings
+enable us to take a distant view, which not uncommonly shows the
+tangle to be no tangle at all. Although we cannot always go upon a
+material journey, we can change the mental perspective, and it is
+this adjustment of the focus which brings our perspective into truer
+proportions. Having once found what appears to be the true focus,
+let us be true to it. The temptations to lose one's focus are many,
+and sometimes severe. When temporarily thrown off our balance, the
+best help is to return at once, without dwelling on the fact that we
+have lost the focus longer than is necessary to find it again. After
+that, our focus is better adjusted and the range steadily expanded.
+It is impossible for us to widen the range by thinking about it;
+holding the best focus we know in our daily experience does that
+Thus the proportions arrange themselves; we cannot arrange the
+proportions. Or, what is more nearly the truth, the proportions are
+in reality true, to begin with. As with the imaginary eye-disease,
+which transformed the relative sizes of the component parts of a
+landscape, the fault is in the eye, not in the landscape; so, when
+the circumstances of life are quite in the wrong proportion to one
+another, in our own minds, the trouble is in the mental sight, not
+in the circumstances.
+
+There are many ways of getting a better focus, and ridding one's
+self of trivial annoyances. One is, to be quiet; get at a good
+mental distance. Be sure that you have a clear view, and then hold
+it. Always keep your distance; never return to the old stand-point
+if you can manage to keep away.
+
+We may be thankful if trivialities annoy us as trivialities. It is
+with those who have the constant habit of dwelling on them without
+feeling the discomfort that a return to freedom seems impossible.
+
+As one comes to realize, even in a slight degree, the triviality of
+trivialities, and then forget them entirely in a better idea of true
+proportion, the sense of freedom gained is well worth working for.
+It certainly brings the possibility of a normal nervous system much
+nearer.
+
+
+
+VI.
+
+MOODS.
+
+RELIEF from the mastery of an evil mood is like fresh air after
+having been several hours in a close room.
+
+If one should go to work deliberately to break up another's nervous
+system, and if one were perfectly free in methods of procedure, the
+best way would be to throw upon the victim in rapid sequence a long
+series of the most extreme moods. The disastrous result could be
+hastened by insisting that each mood should be resisted as it
+manifested itself, for then there would be the double strain,--the
+strain of the mood, and the strain of resistance. It is better to
+let a mood have its way than to suppress it. The story of the man
+who suffered from varicose veins and was cured by the waters of
+Lourdes, only to die a little later from an affection of the heart
+which arose from the suppression of the former disease, is a good
+illustration of the effect of mood-suppression. In the case cited,
+death followed at once; but death from repeated impressions of moods
+resisted is long drawn out, and the suffering intense, both for the
+patient and for his friends.
+
+The only way to drop a mood is to look it in the face and call it by
+its right name; then by persistent ignoring, sometimes in one way,
+sometimes in another, finally drop it altogether. It takes a looser
+hold next time, and eventually slides off entirely. To be sure,
+over-fatigue, an attack of indigestion, or some unexpected contact
+with the same phase in another, may bring back the ghost of former
+moods. These ghosts may even materialize, unless the practice of
+ignoring is at once referred to; but they can ultimately be routed
+completely.
+
+A great help in gaining freedom from moods is to realize clearly
+their superficiality. Moods are deadly, desperately serious things
+when taken seriously and indulged in to the full extent of their
+power. They are like a tiny spot directly in front of the eye. We
+see that, and that only. It blurs and shuts out everything else. We
+groan and suffer and are unhappy and wretched, still persistently
+keeping our eye on the spot, until finally we forget that there is
+anything else in the world. In mind and body we are impressed by
+that and that alone. Thus the difficulty of moving off a little
+distance is greatly increased, and liberation is impossible until we
+do move away, and, by a change of perspective, see the spot for what
+it really is.
+
+Let any one who is ruled by moods, in a moment when he is absolutely
+free from them, take a good look at all past moody states, and he
+will see that they come from nothing, go to nothing, and, are
+nothing. Indeed, that has been and is often done by the moody
+person, with at the same time an unhappy realization that when the
+moods are on him, they are as real as they are unreal when he is
+free. To treat a mood as a good joke when you are in its clutches,
+is simply out of the question. But to say, "This now is a mood. Come
+on, do your worst; I can stand it as long as you can," takes away
+all nerve-resistance, until the thing has nothing to clutch, and
+dissolves for want of nourishment. If it proves too much for one at
+times, and breaks out in a bad expression of some sort, a quick
+acknowledgment that you are under the spell of a bad mood, and a
+further invitation to come on if it wants to, will loosen the hold
+again.
+
+If the mood is a melancholy one, speak as little as possible under
+its influence; go on and do whatever there is to be done, not
+resisting it in any way, but keep busy.
+
+This non-resistance can, perhaps, be better illustrated by taking,
+instead of a mood, a person who teases. It is well known that the
+more we are annoyed, the more our opponent teases; and that the
+surest and quickest way of freeing ourselves is not to be teased. We
+can ignore the teaser externally with an internal irritation which
+he sees as clearly as if we expressed it. We can laugh in such a way
+that every sound of our own voice proclaims the annoyance we are
+trying to hide. It is when we take his words for what they are
+worth, and go with him, that the wind is taken out of his sails, and
+he stops because there is no fun in it. The experience with a mood
+is quite parallel, though rather more difficult at first, for there
+is no enemy like the enemies in one's self, no teasing like the
+teasing from one's self. It takes a little longer, a little heartier
+and more persistent process of non-resistance to cure the teasing
+from one's own nature. But the process is just as certain, and the
+freedom greater in result.
+
+Why is it not clear to us that to set our teeth, clench our hands,
+or hold any form of extreme tension and mistaken control, doubles,
+trebles, quadruples the impression of the feeling controlled, and
+increases by many degrees its power for attacking us another time?
+Persistent control of this kind gives a certain sort of strength. It
+might be called sham strength, for it takes it out of one in other
+ways. But the control that comes from non-resistance brings a
+natural strength, which not only steadily increases, but spreads on
+all sides, as the growth of a tree is even in its development.
+
+"If a man takes your cloak, give him your coat also; if one compel
+you to go a mile, go with him twain." "Love your enemies, do good to
+them that hurt you, and pray for them that despitefully use you."
+Why have we been so long in realizing the practical, I might say the
+physiological, truth of this great philosophy? Possibly because in
+forgiving our enemies we have been so impressed with the idea that
+it was our enemies we were forgiving. If we realized that following
+this philosophy would bring us real freedom, it would be followed
+steadily as a matter of course, and with no more sense that we
+deserved credit for doing a good thing than a man might have in
+walking out of prison when his jailer opened the door. So it is with
+our enemies the moods.
+
+I have written heretofore of bad moods only. But there are moods and
+moods. In a degree, certainly, one should respect one's moods. Those
+who are subject to bad moods are equally subject to good ones, and
+the superficiality of the happier modes is just as much to be
+recognized as that of the wretched ones. In fact, in recognizing the
+shallowness of our happy moods, we are storing ammunition for a
+healthy openness and freedom from the opposite forms. With the full
+realization that a mood is a mood, we can respect it, and so
+gradually reach a truer evenness of life. Moods are phases that we
+are all subject to whilst in the process of finding our balance; the
+more sensitive and finer the temperament, the more moods. The rhythm
+of moods is most interesting, and there is a spice about the change
+which we need to give relish to these first steps towards the art of
+living.
+
+It is when their seriousness is exaggerated that they lose their
+power for good and make slaves of us. The seriousness may be equally
+exaggerated in succumbing to them and in resisting them. In either
+case they are our masters, and not our slaves. They are steady
+consumers of the nervous system in their ups and downs when they
+master us; and of course retain no jot of that fascination which is
+a good part of their very shallowness, and brings new life as we
+take them as a matter of course. Then we are swung in their rhythm,
+never once losing sight of the point that it is the mood that is to
+serve us, and not we the mood.
+
+As we gain freedom from our own moods, we are enabled to respect
+those of others and give up any endeavor to force a friend out of
+his moods, or even to lead him out, unless he shows a desire to be
+led. Nor do we rejoice fully in the extreme of his happy moods,
+knowing the certain reaction.
+
+Respect for the moods of others is necessary to a perfect freedom
+from our own. In one sense no man is alone in the world; in another
+sense every man is alone; and with moods especially, a man must be
+left to work out his own salvation, unless he asks for help. So, as
+he understands his moods, and frees himself from their mastery, he
+will find that moods are in reality one of Nature's gifts, a sort of
+melody which strengthens the harmony of life and gives it fuller
+tone.
+
+Freedom from moods does not mean the loss of them, any more than
+non-resistance means allowing them to master you. It is
+non-resistance, with the full recognition of what they are, that
+clears the way.
+
+
+
+VII.
+
+TOLERANCE.
+
+WHEN we are tolerant as a matter of course, the nervous system is
+relieved of almost the worst form of persistent irritation it could
+have.
+
+The freedom of tolerance can only be appreciated by those who have
+known the suffering of intolerance and gained relief.
+
+A certain perspective is necessary to a recognition of the full
+absurdity of intolerance. One of the greatest absurdities of it is
+evident when we are annoyed and caused intense suffering by our
+intolerance of others, and, as a consequence, blame others for the
+fatigue or illness which follows. However mistaken or blind other
+people may be in their habits or their ideas, it is entirely our
+fault if we are annoyed by them. The slightest blame given to
+another in such a case, on account of our suffering, is quite out of
+place.
+
+Our intolerance is often unconscious. It is disguised under one form
+of annoyance or another, but when looked full in the face, it can
+only be recognized as intolerance.
+
+Of course, the most severe form is when the belief, the action, or
+habit of another interferes directly with our own selfish aims. That
+brings the double annoyance of being thwarted and of rousing more
+selfish antagonism.
+
+Where our selfish desires are directly interfered with, or even
+where an action which we know to be entirely right is prevented,
+intolerance only makes matters worse. If expressed, it probably
+rouses bitter feelings in another. Whether we express it openly or
+not, it keeps us in a state of nervous irritation which is often
+most painful in its results. Such irritation, if not extreme in its
+effect, is strong enough to keep any amount of pure enjoyment out of
+life.
+
+There may be some one who rouses our intolerant feelings, and who
+may have many good points which might give us real pleasure and
+profit; but they all go for nothing before our blind, restless
+intolerance.
+
+It is often the case that this imaginary enemy is found to be a
+friend and ally in reality, if we once drop the wretched state of
+intolerance long enough to see him clearly.
+
+Yet the promptest answer to such an assertion will probably be,
+"That may be so in some cases, but not with the man or woman who
+rouses my intolerance."
+
+It is a powerful temptation, this one of intolerance, and takes hold
+of strong natures; it frequently rouses tremendous tempests before
+it can be recognized and ignored. And with the tempest comes an
+obstinate refusal to call it by its right name, and a resentment
+towards others for rousing in us what should not have been there to
+be roused.
+
+So long as a tendency to anything evil is in us, it is a good thing
+to have it roused, recognized, and shaken off; and we might as
+reasonably blame a rock, over which we stumble, for the bruises
+received, as blame the person who rouses our intolerance for the
+suffering we endure.
+
+This intolerance, which is so useless, seems strangely absurd when
+it is roused through some interference with our own plans; but it is
+stranger when we are rampant against a belief which does not in any
+way interfere with us.
+
+This last form is more prevalent in antagonistic religious beliefs
+than in anything else. The excuse given would be an earnest desire
+for the salvation of our opponent. But who ever saved a soul through
+an ungracious intolerance of that soul's chosen way of believing or
+living? The danger of loss would seem to be all on the other side.
+
+One's sense of humor is touched, in spite of one's self, to hear a
+war of words and feeling between two Christians whose belief is
+supposed to be founded on the axiom, "Judge not, that ye be not
+judged."
+
+Without this intolerance, argument is interesting, and often
+profitable. With it, the disputants gain each a more obstinate
+belief in his own doctrines; and the excitement is steadily
+destructive to the best health of the nervous system.
+
+Again, there is the intolerance felt from various little ways and
+habits of others,--habits which are comparatively nothing in
+themselves, but which are monstrous in their effect upon a person
+who is intolerant of them.
+
+One might almost think we enjoyed irritated nerves, so persistently
+do we dwell upon the personal peculiarities of others. Indeed, there
+is no better example of biting off one's own nose than the habit of
+intolerance. It might more truly be called the habit of irritating
+one's own nervous system.
+
+Having recognized intolerance as intolerance, having estimated it at
+its true worth, the next question is, how to get rid of it. The
+habit has, not infrequently, made such a strong brain-impression
+that, in spite of an earnest desire to shake it off, it persistently
+clings.
+
+Of course, the soil about the obnoxious growth is loosened the
+moment we recognize its true quality. That is a beginning, and the
+rest is easier than might be imagined by those who have not tried
+it.
+
+Intolerance is an unwillingness that others should live in their own
+way, believe as they prefer to, hold personal habits which they
+enjoy or are unconscious of, or interfere in any degree with our
+ways, beliefs, or habits.
+
+That very sense of unwillingness causes a contraction of the nerves
+which is wasteful and disagreeable. The feeling rouses the
+contraction, the contraction more feeling; and so the Intolerance is
+increased in cause and in effect. The immediate effect of being
+willing, on the contrary, is, of course, the relaxation of such
+contraction, and a healthy expansion of the nerves.
+
+Try the experiment on some small pet form of intolerance. Try to
+realize what it is to feel quite willing. Say over and over to
+yourself that you are quite willing So-and-so should make that
+curious noise with his mouth. Do not hesitate at the simplicity of
+saying the words to yourself; that brings a much quicker effect at
+first. By and by we get accustomed to the sensation of willingness,
+and can recall it with less repetition of words, or without words at
+all. When the feeling of nervous annoyance is roused by the other,
+counteract it on the instant by repeating silently: "I am quite
+willing you should do that,--do it again." The man or woman,
+whoever he or she may be, is quite certain to oblige you! There will
+be any number of opportunities to be willing, until by and by the
+willingness is a matter of course, and it would not be surprising if
+the habit passed entirely unnoticed, as far as you are concerned.
+
+This experiment tried successfully on small things can be carried to
+greater. If steadily persisted in, a good fifty per cent of wasted
+nervous force can be saved for better things; and this saving of
+nervous force is the least gain which comes from a thorough riddance
+of every form of intolerance.
+
+"But," it will be objected, "how can I say I am willing when I am
+not?"
+
+Surely you can see no good from the irritation of unwillingness;
+there can be no real gain from it, and there is every reason for
+giving it up. A clear realization of the necessity for willingness,
+both for our own comfort and for that of others, helps us to its
+repetition in words. The words said with sincere purpose, help us to
+the feeling, and so we come steadily into clearer light.
+
+Our very willingness that a friend should go the wrong way, if he
+chooses, gives us new power to help him towards the right. If we are
+moved by intolerance, that is selfishness; with it will come the
+desire to force our friend into the way which we consider right.
+Such forcing, if even apparently successful, invariably produces a
+reaction on the friend's part, and disappointment and chagrin on our
+own.
+
+The fact that most great reformers were and are actuated by the very
+spirit of intolerance, makes that scorning of the ways of others
+seem to us essential as the root of all great reform. Amidst the
+necessity for and strength in the reform, the petty spirit of
+intolerance intrudes unnoticed. But if any one wants to see it in
+full-fledged power, let him study the family of a reformer who have
+inherited the intolerance of his nature without the work to which it
+was applied.
+
+This intolerant spirit is not indispensable to great reforms; but it
+sometimes goes with them, and is made use of, as intense selfishness
+may often be used, for higher ends. The ends might have been
+accomplished more rapidly and more effectually with less selfish
+instruments. But man must be left free, and if he will not offer
+himself as an open channel to his highest impulses, he is used to
+the best advantage possible without them.
+
+There is no finer type of a great reformer than Jesus Christ; in his
+life there was no shadow of intolerance. From first to last, he
+showed willingness in spirit and in action. In upbraiding the
+Scribes and Pharisees he evinced no feeling of antagonism; he merely
+stated the facts. The same firm calm truth of assertion, carried out
+in action, characterized his expulsion of the money-changers from
+the temple. When he was arrested, and throughout his trial and
+execution, it was his accusers who showed the intolerance; they sent
+out with swords and staves to take him, with a show of antagonism
+which failed to affect him in the slightest degree.
+
+Who cannot see that, with the irritated feeling of intolerance, we
+put ourselves on the plane of the very habit or action we are so
+vigorously condemning? We are inviting greater mistakes on our part.
+For often the rouser of our selfish antagonism is quite blind to his
+deficiencies, and unless he is broader in his way than we are in
+ours, any show of intolerance simply blinds him the more.
+Intolerance, through its indulgence, has come to assume a monstrous
+form. It interferes with all pleasure in life; it makes clear, open
+intercourse with others impossible; it interferes with any form of
+use into which it is permitted to intrude. In its indulgence it is a
+monstrosity,--in itself it is mean, petty, and absurd.
+
+Let us then work with all possible rapidity to relax from
+contractions of unwillingness, and become tolerant as a matter of
+course.
+
+Whatever is the plan of creation, we cannot improve it through any
+antagonistic feeling of our own against creatures or circumstances.
+Through a quiet, gentle tolerance we leave ourselves free to be
+carried by the laws. Truth is greater than we are, and if we can be
+the means of righting any wrong, it is by giving up the presumption
+that we can carry truth, and by standing free and ready to let truth
+carry us.
+
+The same willingness that is practised in relation to persons will
+be found equally effective in relation to the circumstances of life,
+from the losing of a train to matters far greater and more
+important. There is as much intolerance to be dropped in our
+relations to various happenings as in our relations to persons; and
+the relief to our nerves is just as great, perhaps even greater.
+
+It seems to be clear that heretofore we have not realized either the
+relief or the strength of an entire willingness that people and
+things should progress in their own way. How can we ever gain
+freedom whilst we are entangled in the contractions of intolerance?
+
+Freedom and a healthy nervous system are synonymous; we cannot have
+one without the other.
+
+
+
+VIII.
+
+SYMPATHY.
+
+SYMPATHY, in its best sense, is the ability to take another's point
+of view. Not to mourn because he mourns; not to feel injured because
+he feels injured. There are times when we cannot agree with a friend
+in the necessity for mourning or feeling injured; but we can
+understand the cause of his disturbance, and see clearly that his
+suffering is quite reasonable, _from his own point of view_. One
+cannot blame a man for being color-blind; but by thoroughly
+understanding and sympathizing with the fact that red _must_ be green
+as he sees it, one can help him to bring his mental retina to a more
+normal state, until every color is taken at its proper value.
+
+This broader sort of sympathy enables us to serve others much more
+truly.
+
+If we feel at one with a man who is suffering from a supposed injury
+which may be entirely his own fault, we are doing all in our power
+to confirm him in his mistake, and his impression of martyrdom is
+increased and protracted in proportion. But if, with a genuine
+comprehension of his point of view, however unreal it may be in
+itself, we do our best to see his trouble in an unprejudiced light,
+that is sympathy indeed; for our real sympathy is with the man
+himself, cleared from his selfish fog. What is called our sympathy
+with his point of view is more a matter of understanding. The
+sympathy which takes the man for all in all, and includes the
+comprehension of his prejudices, will enable us to hold our tongues
+with regard to his prejudiced view until he sees for himself or
+comes to us for advice.
+
+It is interesting to notice how this sympathy with another enables
+us to understand and forgive one from whom we have received an
+injury. His point of view taken, his animosity against us seems to
+follow as a matter of course; then no time or force need be wasted
+on resentment.
+
+Again, you cannot blame a man for being blind, even though his
+blindness may be absolutely and entirely selfish, and you the
+sufferer in consequence.
+
+It often follows that the endeavor to get a clear understanding of
+another's view brings to notice many mistaken ideas of our own, and
+thus enables us to gain a better standpoint It certainly helps us to
+enduring patience; whereas a positive refusal to regard the
+prejudices of another is rasping to our own nerves, and helps to fix
+him in whatever contraction may have possessed him.
+
+There can be no doubt that this open sympathy is one of the better
+phases of our human intercourse most to be desired. It requires a
+clear head and a warm heart to understand the prejudices of a friend
+or an enemy, and to sympathize with his capabilities enough to help
+him to clearer mental vision.
+
+Often, to be sure, there are two points of view, both equally true.
+But they generally converge into one, and that one is more easily
+found through not disputing our own with another's. Through sympathy
+with him we are enabled to see the right on both sides, and reach
+the central point.
+
+It is singular that it takes us so long to recognize this breadth of
+sympathy and practise it. Its practice would relieve us of an
+immense amount of unnecessary nerve-strain. But the nerve-relief is
+the mere beginning of gain to come. It steadily opens a clearer
+knowledge and a heartier appreciation of human nature. We see in
+individuals traits of character, good and bad, that we never could
+have recognized whilst blinded by our own personal prejudices. By
+becoming alive to various little sensitive spots in others, we are
+enabled to avoid them, and save an endless amount of petty suffering
+which might increase to suffering that was really severe.
+
+One good illustration of this want of sympathy, in a small way, is
+the waiting-room of a well-known nerve-doctor. The room is in such a
+state of confusion, it is such a mixture of colors and forms, that
+it would be fatiguing even for a person in tolerable health to stay
+there for an hour. Yet the doctor keeps his sensitive, nervously
+excited patients sitting in this heterogeneous mass of discordant
+objects hour after hour. Surely it is no psychological subtlety of
+insight that gives a man of this type his name and fame: it must be
+the feeding and resting process alone; for a man of sensitive
+sympathy would study to save his patients by taking their point of
+view, as well as to bring them to a better physical state through
+nourishment and rest
+
+The ability to take a nervous sufferer's point of view is greatly
+needed. There can be no doubt that with that effort on the part of
+friends and relatives, many cases of severe nervous prostration
+might be saved, certainly much nervous suffering could be prevented.
+
+A woman who is suffering from a nervous conscience writes a note
+which shows that she is worrying over this or that supposed mistake,
+or as to what your attitude is towards her. A prompt, kind, and
+direct answer will save her at once from further nervous suffering
+of that sort. To keep an anxious person, whether he be sick or well,
+watching the mails, is a want of sympathy which is also shown in
+many other ways, unimportant, perhaps, to us, but important if we
+are broad enough to take the other's point of view.
+
+There are many foolish little troubles from which men and women
+suffer that come only from tired nerves. A wise patience with such
+anxieties will help greatly towards removing their cause. A wise
+patience is not indulgence. An elaborate nervous letter of great
+length is better answered by a short but very kind note.
+
+The sympathy which enables us to understand the point of view of
+tired nerves gives us the power to be lovingly brief in our response
+to them, and at the same time more satisfying than if we responded
+at length.
+
+Most of us take human nature as a great whole, and judge individuals
+from our idea in general. Or, worse, we judge it all from our own
+personal prejudices. There is a grossness about this which we wonder
+at not having seen before, when we compare the finer sensitiveness
+which is surely developed by the steady effort to understand
+another's point of view. We know a whole more perfectly as a whole
+if we have a distinct knowledge of the component parts. We can only
+understand human nature en masse through a daily clearer knowledge
+of and sympathy with its individuals. Every one of us knows the
+happiness of having at least one friend whom he is perfectly sure
+will neither undervalue him nor give him undeserved praise, and
+whose friendship and help he can count upon, no matter how great a
+wrong he has done, as securely as he could count upon his loving
+thought and attention in physical illness. Surely it is possible for
+each of us to approach such friendship in our feeling and attitude
+towards every one who comes in touch with us.
+
+It is comparatively easy to think of this open sympathy, or even
+practise it in big ways; it is in the little matters of everyday
+life that the difficulty arises. Of course the big ways count for
+less if they come through a brain clogged with little prejudices,
+although to some extent one must help the other.
+
+It cannot be that a man has a real open sympathy who limits it to
+his own family and friends; indeed, the very limit would make the
+open sympathy impossible. One is just as far from a clear
+comprehension of human nature when he limits himself by his
+prejudices for his immediate relatives as when he makes himself
+alone the boundary.
+
+Once having gained even the beginning of this broader sympathy with
+others, there follows the pleasure of freedom from antagonisms,
+keener delight in understanding others, individually and
+collectively, and greater ability to serve others; and all these
+must give an impetus which takes us steadily on to greater freedom,
+to clearer understanding, and to more power to serve and to be
+served.
+
+Others have many experiences which we have never even touched upon.
+In that case, our ability to understand is necessarily limited. The
+only thing to do is to acknowledge that we cannot see the point of
+view, that we have no experience to start from, and to wait with an
+open mind until we are able to understand.
+
+Curiously enough, it is precisely these persons of limited
+experience who are most prone to prejudice. I have heard a man
+assert with emphasis that it was every one's _duty_ to be happy, who
+had apparently not a single thing in life to interfere with his own
+happiness. The duty may be clear enough, but he certainly was not in
+a position to recognize its difficulty. And just in proportion with
+his inability to take another's point of view in such difficulty did
+he miss his power to lead others to this agreeable duty.
+
+There are, of course, innumerable things, little and big, which we
+shall be enabled to give to others and to receive from others as the
+true sympathy grows.
+
+The common-sense of it all appeals to us forcibly.
+
+Who wants to carry about a mass of personal prejudices when he can
+replace them by the warm, healthy feeling of sympathetic friendship?
+Who wants his nerves to be steadily irritated by various forms of
+intolerance when, by understanding the other's point of view, he can
+replace these by better forms of patience?
+
+This lower relief is little compared with the higher power gained,
+but it is the first step up, and the steps beyond go ever upward.
+Human nature is worth knowing and worth loving, and it can never be
+known or loved without open sympathy.
+
+Why, we ourselves are human nature!
+
+Many of us would be glad to give sympathy to others, especially in
+little ways, but we do not know how to go to work about it; we seem
+always to be doing the wrong thing, when our desire is to do the
+right. This comes, of course, from the same inability to take the
+other's point of view; and the ability is gained as we are quiet and
+watch for it.
+
+Practice, here as in everything else, is what helps. And the object
+is well worth working for.
+
+
+
+IX.
+
+OTHERS.
+
+HOW to live at peace with others is a problem which, if practically
+solved, would relieve the nervous system of a great weight, and give
+to living a lightness and ease that might for a time seem weirdly
+unnatural. It would certainly decrease the income of the
+nerve-specialists to the extent of depriving those gentlemen of many
+luxuries they now enjoy.
+
+Peace does not mean an outside civility with an inside dislike or
+annoyance. In that case, the repressed antagonism not only increases
+the brain-impression and wears upon the nervous system, but it is
+sure to manifest itself some time, in one form or another; and the
+longer it is repressed, the worse will be the effect. It may be a
+volcanic eruption that is produced after long repression, which
+simmers down to a chronic interior grumble; or it may be that the
+repression has caused such steadily increasing contraction that an
+eruption is impossible. In this case, life grows heavier and
+heavier, burdened with the shackles of one's own dislikes.
+
+If we can only recognize two truths in our relations with others,
+and let these truths become to us a matter of course, the worst
+difficulties are removed. Indeed, with these two simple bits of
+rationality well in hand, we may safely expect to walk amicably side
+by side with our dearest foe.
+
+The first is, that dislike, nine times out often, is simply a
+"cutaneous disorder." That is, it is merely an irritation excited by
+the friction of one nervous system upon another. The tiny tempests
+in the tiny teapots which are caused by this nervous friction, the
+great weight attached to the most trivial matters of dispute, would
+touch one's sense of humor keenly if it were not that in so many
+cases these tiny tempests develop into real hurricanes. Take, for
+example, two dear and intimate friends who have lived happily
+together for years. Neither has a disposition which is perfect; but
+that fact has never interfered with their friendship. Both get
+over-tired. Words are spoken which sound intensely disagreeable,
+even cruel. They really express nothing in the world but tired
+nerves. They are received and misinterpreted by tired nerves on the
+other side. So these two sets of nerves act and react upon one
+another, and from nothing at all is evolved an ill-feeling which, if
+allowed to grow, separates the friends. Each is fully persuaded that
+his cutaneous trouble has profound depth. By a persistent refusal of
+all healing salves it sometimes sinks in until the disease becomes
+really deep seated. All this is so unnecessary. Through the same
+mistake many of us carry minor dislikes which, on account of their
+number and their very pettiness, are wearing upon the nerves, and
+keep us from our best in whatever direction we may be working.
+
+The remedy for all these seems very clear when once we find it.
+Recognize the shallow-ness of the disorder, acknowledge that it is
+a mere matter of nerves, and avoid the friction. Keep your distance.
+It is perfectly possible and very comfortable to keep your distance
+from the irritating peculiarities of another, while having daily and
+familiar relations with him or her. The difficulty is in getting to
+a distance when we have allowed ourselves to be over-near; but that,
+too, can be accomplished with patience. And by keeping a nervous
+distance, so to speak, we are not only relieved from irritation, but
+we find a much more delightful friendship; we see and enjoy the
+qualities in another which the petty irritations had entirely
+obscured from our view. If we do not allow ourselves to be touched
+by the personal peculiarities, we get nearer the individual himself.
+
+To give a simple example which would perhaps seem absurd if it had
+not been proved true so many times: A man was so annoyed by his
+friend's state of nervous excitability that in taking a regular
+morning walk with him, which he might have enjoyed heartily, he
+always returned fagged out He tried whilst walking beside his friend
+to put himself in imagination on the other side of the street The
+nervous irritation lessened, and finally ceased; the walk was
+delightful, and the friend--never suspected!
+
+A Japanese crowd is so well-bred that no one person touches another;
+one need never jostle, but, with an occasional "I beg your pardon,"
+can circulate with perfect ease. In such a crowd there can be no
+irritation.
+
+There is a certain good-breeding which leads us to avoid friction
+with another's nervous system. It must, however, be an avoidance
+inside as well as outside. The subterfuge of holding one's tongue
+never works in the end. There is a subtle communication from one
+nervous system to another which is more insinuating than any verbal
+intercourse. Those nearest us, and whom we really love best, are
+often the very persons by whom we are most annoyed. As we learn to
+keep a courteous distance from their personal peculiarities our love
+grows stronger and more real; and an open frankness in our relation
+is more nearly possible. Strangely enough, too, the personal
+peculiarities sometimes disappear. It is possible, and quite as
+necessary, to treat one's own nervous system with this distant
+courtesy.
+
+This brings us to the second simple truth. In nine cases out of ten
+the cause of this nervous irritation is in ourselves. If a man loses
+his temper and rouses us to a return attack, how can we blame him?
+Are we not quite as bad in hitting back? To be sure, he began it.
+But did he? How do we know what roused him? Then, too, he might have
+poured volleys of abuse upon us, and not provoked an angry retort,
+if the temper had not been latent within us, to begin with. So it is
+with minor matters. In direct proportion to our freedom from others
+is our power for appreciating their good points; just in proportion
+to our slavery to their tricks and their habits are we blinded to
+their good points and open to increased irritation from their bad
+ones. It is curious that it should work that way, but it does. If
+there is nothing in us to be roused, we are all free; if we are not
+free, it is because there is something in us akin to that which
+rouses us. This is hard to acknowledge. But it puts our attitude to
+others on a good clean basis, and brings us into reality and out of
+private theatricals; not to mention a clearing of the nervous system
+which gives us new power.
+
+There is one trouble in dealing with people which does not affect
+all of us, but which causes enough pain and suffering to those who
+are under its influence to make up for the immunity of the rest.
+That is, the strong feeling that many of us have that it is our duty
+to reform those about us whose life and ways are not according to
+our ideas of right.
+
+No one ever forced another to reform, against that other's will. It
+may have appeared so; but there is sure to be a reaction sooner or
+later. The number of nervous systems, however, that have been
+overwrought by this effort to turn others to better ways, is sad
+indeed. And in many instances the owners of these nervous systems
+will pose to themselves as martyrs; and they are quite sincere in
+such posing. They are living their own impressions of themselves,
+and wearing themselves out in consequence. If they really wanted
+right for the sake of right, they would do all in their power
+without intruding, would recognize the other as a free agent, and
+wait. But they want right because it is their way; consequently they
+are crushed by useless anxiety, and suffer superfluously. This is
+true of those who feel themselves under the necessity of reforming
+all who come in touch with them. It is more sadly true of those
+whose near friends seem steadily to be working out their own
+destruction. To stand aside and be patient in this last case
+requires strength indeed. But such patience clears one's mind to
+see, and gives power to act when action can prove effective. Indeed,
+as the ability to leave others free grows in us, our power really to
+serve increases.
+
+The relief to the nervous system of dropping mistaken responsibility
+cannot be computed. For it is by means of the nervous system that we
+deal with others; it is the medium of our expression and of our
+impression. And as it is cleared of its false contractions, does it
+not seem probable that we might be opened to an exquisite delight in
+companionship that we never knew before, and that our appreciation
+of human nature would increase indefinitely?
+
+Suppose when we find another whose ways are quite different from
+ours, we immediately contract, and draw away with the feeling that
+there is nothing in him for us. Or suppose, instead, that we look
+into his ways with real interest in having found a new phase of
+human nature. Which would be the more broadening process on the
+whole, or the more delightful? Frequently the contraction takes more
+time and attention than would an effort to understand the strange
+ways. We are almost always sure to find something in others to which
+we can respond, and which awakens a new power in us, if only a new
+power of sympathy.
+
+To sum it all up, the best way to deal with others seems to be to
+avoid nervous friction of any sort, inside or out; to harbor no
+ill-will towards another for selfishness roused in one's self; to be
+urged by no presumptive sense of responsibility; and to remember
+that we are all in the same world and under the same laws. A loving
+sympathy with human nature in general, leads us first to obey the
+laws ourselves, and gives us a fellow-feeling with individuals which
+means new strength on both sides.
+
+To take this as a matter of course does not seem impossible. It is
+simply casting the skin of the savage and rising to another plane,
+where there will doubtless be new problems better worth attention.
+
+
+
+X.
+
+ONE'S SELF.
+
+TO be truly at peace with one's self means rest indeed.
+
+There is a quiet complacency, though, which passes for peace, and is
+like the remarkably clear red-and-white complexion which indicates
+disease. It will be noticed that the sufferers from this complacent
+spirit of so-called peace shrink from openness of any sort, from
+others or to others. They will put a disagreeable feeling out of
+sight with a rapidity which would seem to come from sheer fright
+lest they should see and acknowledge themselves in their true guise.
+Or they will acknowledge it to a certain extent, with a pleasure in
+their own humility which increases the complacency in proportion.
+This peace is not to be desired. With those who enjoy it, a true
+knowledge of or friendship with others is as much out of the
+question as a knowledge of themselves. And when it is broken or
+interfered with in any way, the pain is as intense and real as the
+peace was false.
+
+The first step towards amicable relations with ourselves is to
+acknowledge that we are living with a stranger. Then it sometimes
+happens that through being annoyed by some one else we are enabled
+to recognize similar disagreeable tendencies in ourselves of which
+we were totally ignorant before.
+
+As honest dealing with others always pays best in the end, so it is
+in all relations with one's self. There are many times when to be
+quite open with a friend we must wait to be asked. With ourselves no
+such courtesy is needed. We can speak out and done with it, and the
+franker we are, the sooner we are free. For, unlike other
+companions, we can enjoy ourselves best when we are conspicuous only
+by our own absence!
+
+It is this constant persistence in clinging to ourselves that is
+most in the way; it increases that crown of nervous troubles,
+self-consciousness, and makes it quite impossible that we should
+ever really know ourselves. If by all this, we are not ineffable
+bores to ourselves, we certainly become so to other people.
+
+It is surprising, when once we come to recognize it, how we are in
+an almost chronic state of posing to ourselves. Fortunately, a clear
+recognition of the fact is most effectual in stopping the poses. But
+they must be recognized, pose by pose, individually and separately
+stopped, _and then ignored_, if we want to free ourselves from
+ourselves entirely.
+
+The interior posing-habit makes one a slave to brain-impressions
+which puts all freedom out of the question. To cease from such
+posing opens one of the most interesting gates to natural life. We
+wonder how we could have obscured the outside view for so long.
+
+To find that we cannot, or do not, let ourselves alone for an hour
+in the day seems the more surprising when we remember that there is
+so much to enjoy outside. Egotism is immensely magnified in nervous
+disorders; but that it is the positive cause of much nervous trouble
+has not been generally admitted.
+
+Let any one of us take a good look at the amount of attention given
+by ourselves to ourselves. Then acknowledge, without flinching, what
+amount of that attention is unnecessary; and it will clear the air
+delightfully, for a moment at any rate.
+
+The tendency to refer everything, in some way or another, to one's
+self; the touchiness and suspicion aroused by nothing but petty
+jealousy as to one's own place; the imagined slights from others;
+the want of consideration given us,--all these and many more
+senseless irritations are in this over-attention to self. The
+worries about our own moral state take up so great a place with many
+of us as to leave no room for any other thought. Indeed, it is not
+uncommon to see a woman worrying so over her faults that she has no
+time to correct them. Self-condemnation is as great a vanity as its
+opposite. Either in one way or another there is the steady
+temptation to attend to one's self, and along with it an irritation
+of the nerves which keeps us from any sense of real freedom.
+
+With most of us there is no great depth to the self-disease if it is
+only stopped in time. When once we are well started in the wholesome
+practice of getting rid of ourselves, the process is rapid. A
+thorough freedom from self once gained, we find ourselves quite
+companionable, which, though paradoxical, is without doubt a truth.
+
+"That freedom of the soul," writes Fenelon, "which looks straight
+onward in its path, losing no time to reason upon its steps, to
+study them, or to dwell upon those already taken, is true
+simplicity." We recognize a mistake, correct it, go on and forget.
+If it appears again, correct it again. Irritation at the second or
+at any number of reappearances only increases the brain-impression
+of the mistake, and makes the tendency to future error greater.
+
+If opportunity arises to do a good action, take advantage of it, and
+silently decline the disadvantage of having your attention riveted
+to it by the praise of others.
+
+A man who is constantly analyzing his physical state is called a
+hypochondriac. What shall we call the man who is constantly
+analyzing his moral state? As the hypochondriac loses all sense of
+health in holding the impression of disease, so the other gradually
+loses the sense of wholesome relation to himself and to others.
+
+If a man obeyed the laws of health as a matter of course, and turned
+back every time Nature convicted him of disobedience, he would never
+feel the need of self-analysis so far as his physical state was
+concerned. Just so far as a man obeys higher laws as a matter of
+course, and uses every mistake to enable him to know the laws
+better, is morbid introspection out of the question with him.
+
+"Man, know thyself!" but, being sure of the desire to know thyself,
+do not be impatient at slow progress; pay little attention to the
+process, and forget thyself, except when remembering is necessary to
+a better forgetting.
+
+To live at real peace with ourselves, we must surely let every
+little evil imp of selfishness show himself, and not have any
+skulking around corners. Recognize him for his full worthless-ness,
+call him by his right name, and move off. Having called him by his
+right name, our severity with ourselves for harboring him is
+unnecessary. To be gentle with ourselves is quite as important as to
+be gentle with others. Great nervous suffering is caused by this
+over-severity to one's self, and freedom is never accomplished by
+that means. Many of us are not severe enough, but very many are too
+severe. One mistake is quite as bad as the other, and as disastrous
+in its effects.
+
+If we would regard our own state less, or careless whether we were
+happy or unhappy, our freedom from self would be gained more
+rapidly.
+
+As a man intensely interested in some special work does not notice
+the weather, so we, if we once get hold of the immense interest
+there may be in living, are not moved to any depth by changes in the
+clouds of our personal state. We take our moods as a matter of
+course, and look beyond to interests that are greater. Self may be a
+great burden if we allow it. It is only a clear window through which
+we see and are seen, if we are free. And the repose of such freedom
+must be beyond our conception until we have found it. To be
+absolutely certain that we know ourselves at any time is one great
+impediment to reaching such rest. Every bit of self-knowledge gained
+makes us more doubtful as to knowledge to come. It would surprise
+most of us to see how really unimportant we are. As a part of the
+universe, our importance increases just in proportion to the laws
+that work through us; but this self-importance is lost to us
+entirely in our greater recognition of the laws. As we gain in the
+sensitive recognition of universal laws, every petty bit of
+self-contraction disappears as darkness before the rising of the
+sun.
+
+
+
+XI.
+
+CHILDREN.
+
+WORK for the better progress of the human race is most effective
+when it is done through the children; for children are future
+generations. The freedom in mature life gained by a training that
+would enable the child to avoid nervous irritants is, of course,
+greatly in advance of most individual freedom to-day. This real
+freedom is the spirit of the kindergarten; but Frobel's method, as
+practised to-day, does not attack and put to rout all those various
+nervous irritants which are the enemies of our civilization. To be
+sure, the teaching of his philosophy develops such a nature that
+much pettiness is thrown off without even being noticed as a snare;
+and Frobel helps one to recognize all pettiness more rapidly. There
+are, however, many forms of nervous irritation which one is not
+warned against in the kindergarten, and the absence of which, if the
+child is taught as a matter of course to avoid them, will give him a
+freedom that his elders and betters (?) lack. The essential fact of
+this training is that it is only truly effectual when coming from
+example rather than precept.
+
+A child is exquisitely sensitive to the shortcomings of others, and
+very keen, as well as correct, in his criticism, whether expressed
+or unexpressed. In so far as a man consents to be taught by
+children, does he not only remain young, but he frees himself from
+the habit of impeding his own progress. This is a great impediment,
+this unwillingness to be taught by those whom we consider more
+ignorant than ourselves because they have not been in the world so
+long. Did no one ever take into account the possibility of our eyes
+being blinded just because they had been exposed to the dust longer?
+Certainly one possible way of clearing this dust and avoiding it is
+to learn from observing those who have had less of it to contend
+with. Indeed, one might go so far as to say that no training of any
+child could be effectual to a lasting degree unless the education
+was mutual. When Frobel says, "Come, let us live with our children,"
+he does not mean, Come, let us stoop to our children; he means, Let
+us be at one with them. Surely a more perfect harmony in these two
+great phases of human nature--the child and the man--would be
+greatly to the advantage of the latter.
+
+Yet, to begin at the beginning, who ever feels the necessity of
+treating a baby with respect? How quickly the baby would resent
+intrusive attentions, if it knew how. Indeed, I have seen a baby not
+a year old resent being transferred from one person to another, with
+an expression of the face that was most eloquent. Women seem so full
+of their sense of possession of a baby that this eloquence is not
+even observed, and the poor child's nervous irritants begin at a
+very early age. There is so much to be gained by keeping at a
+respectful nervous distance from a baby, that one has only to be
+quiet enough to perceive the new pleasure once, to lose the
+temptation to interfere; and imagine the relief to the baby! It is,
+after all, the sense of possession that makes the trouble; and this
+sense is so strong that there are babies, all the way from twenty to
+forty, whose individuality is intruded upon so grossly that they
+have never known what freedom is; and when they venture to struggle
+for it, their suffering is intense. This is a steadily increasing
+nervous contraction, both in the case of the possessed and the
+possessor, and perfect nervous health is not possible on either
+side. To begin by respecting the individuality of the baby would put
+this last abnormal attitude of parent and child out of the question.
+Curiously enough, there is in some of the worst phases of this
+parent-child contraction an external appearance of freedom which
+only enhances the internal slavery. When a man, who has never known
+what it was in reality to give up a strong will, prides himself upon
+the freedom he gives to his child, he is entangling himself in the
+meshes of self-deception, and either depriving another of his own,
+or ripening him for a good hearty hatred which may at any time mean
+volcanoes and earthquakes to both.
+
+This forcible resentment of and resistance to the strong will of
+another is a cause of great nervous suffering, the greater as the
+expression of such feeling is repressed. Severe illness may easily
+be the result.
+
+To train a child to gain freedom from the various nervous irritants,
+one must not only be gaining the same freedom one's self, but must
+practise meeting the child in the way he is counselled to meet
+others. One must refuse to be in any way a nervous irritant to the
+child. In that case quite as much instruction is received as given.
+A child, too, is doubly sensitive; he not only feels the intrusion
+on his own individuality, but the irritable or self-willed attitude
+of another in expressing such intrusion.
+
+Similarly, in keeping a respectful distance, a teacher grows
+sensitive to the child, and again the help is mutual, with sometimes
+a balance in favor of the child.
+
+This mistaken, parent-child attitude is often the cause of severe
+nervous suffering in those whose only relation is that of
+friendship, when one mind is stronger than the other. Sometimes
+there is not any real superior strength on the one side; it is
+simply by the greater gross-ness of the will that the other is
+overcome. This very grossness blinds one completely to the
+individuality of a finer strength; the finer individual succumbs
+because he cannot compete with crowbars, and the parent-child
+contraction is the disastrous result. To preserve for a child a
+normal nervous system, one must guide but not limit him. It is a sad
+sight to see a mother impressing upon a little brain that its owner
+is a naughty, naughty boy, especially when such impression is
+increased by the irritability of the mother. One hardly dares to
+think how many more grooves are made in a child's brain which simply
+give him contractions to take into mature life with him; how many
+trivial happenings are made to assume a monstrous form through being
+misrepresented. It is worth while to think of such dangers, such
+warping influences, only long enough to avoid them.
+
+A child's imagination is so exquisitely alive, his whole little
+being is so responsive, that the guidance which can be given him
+through happy brain-impressions is eminently practicable. To test
+this responsiveness, and feel it more keenly, just tell a child a
+dramatic story, and watch his face respond; or even recite a
+Mother-Goose rhyme with all the expression at your command. The
+little face changes in rapid succession, as one event after another
+is related, in a way to put a modern actor to shame. If the response
+is so quick on the outside, it must be at least equally active
+within.
+
+One might as well try to make a white rose red by rouging its petals
+as to mould a child according to one's own idea of what he should
+be; and as the beauty and delicacy of the rose would be spoiled by
+the application of the pigment, so is the baby's nervous system
+twisted and contracted by the limiting force of a grosser will.
+
+Water the rose, put it in the sun, keep the insect enemies away, and
+then enjoy it for itself. Give the child everything that is
+consistent with its best growth, but neither force the growth nor
+limit it; and stand far enough off to see the individuality, to
+enjoy it and profit by it. Use the child's imagination to calm and
+strengthen it; give it happy channels for its activity; guide it
+physically to the rhythm of fresh air, nourishment, and rest; then
+do not interfere.
+
+If the man never turns to thank you for such guidance, because it
+all came as a matter of course, a wholesome, powerful nervous system
+will speak thanks daily with more eloquence than any words could
+ever express.
+
+
+
+XII.
+
+ILLNESS.
+
+AS far as we make circumstances guides and not limitations, they
+serve us. Otherwise, we serve them, and suffer accordingly. Just in
+proportion, too, to our allowing circumstances to be limits do we
+resist them. Such resistance is a nervous strain which disables us
+physically, and of course puts us more in the clutches of what
+appears to be our misfortune. The moment we begin to regard every
+circumstance as an opportunity, the tables are turned on Fate, and
+we have the upper hand of her.
+
+When we come to think of it, how much common-sense there is in
+making the best of every "opportunity," and what a lack of sense in
+chafing at that which we choose to call our limitations! The former
+way is sure to bring a good result of some sort, be it ever so
+small; the latter wears upon our nerves, blinds our mental vision,
+and certainly does not cultivate the spirit of freedom in us.
+
+How absurd it would seem if a wounded man were to expose his wound
+to unnecessary friction, and then complain that it did not heal! Yet
+that is what many of us have done at one time or another, when
+prevented by illness from carrying out our plans in life just as we
+had arranged. It matters not whether those plans were for ourselves
+or for others; chafing and fretting at their interruption is just as
+absurd and quite as sure to delay our recovery. "I know," with tears
+in our eyes, "I ought not to complain, but it is so hard," To which
+common-sense may truly answer: "If it is hard, you want to get well,
+don't you? Then why do you not take every means to get well, instead
+of indulging first in the very process that will most tend to keep
+you ill?" Besides this, there is a dogged resistance which remains
+silent, refuses to complain aloud, and yet holds a state of rigidity
+that is even worse than the external expression. There are many
+individual ways of resisting. Each of us knows his own, and knows,
+too, the futility of it; we do not need to multiply examples.
+
+The patients who resist recovery are quite as numerous as those who
+keep themselves ill by resisting illness. A person of this sort
+seems to be fascinated by his own body and its disorders. So far
+from resisting illness, he may be said to be indulging in it He will
+talk about himself and his physical state for hours. He will locate
+each separate disease in a way to surprise the listener by his
+knowledge of his own anatomy. Not infrequently he will preface a
+long account of himself by informing you that he has a hearty
+detestation of talking about himself, and never could understand why
+people wanted to talk of their diseases. Then in minute detail he
+will reveal to you his brain-impression of his own case, and look
+for sympathetic response. These people might recover a hundred times
+over, and they would never know it, so occupied are they in living
+their own idea of themselves and in resisting Nature.
+
+When Nature has knocked us down because of disobedience to her laws,
+we resist her if we attempt at once to rise, or complain of the
+punishment. When the dear lady would hasten our recovery to the best
+of her ability, we resist her if we delay progress by dwelling on
+the punishment or chafing at its necessity.
+
+Nature always tends towards health. It is to prevent further
+ill-health that she allows us to suffer for our disobedience to her
+laws. It is to lead us back to health that she is giving the best of
+her powers, having dealt the deserved punishment. The truest help we
+can give Nature is not to think of our bodies, well or ill, more
+than is necessary for their best health.
+
+I knew a woman who was, to all appearances, remarkably well; in
+fact, her health was her profession. She was supposed to be a
+Priestess of Health. She talked about and dwelt upon the health of
+her body until one would have thought there was nothing in the world
+worth thinking of but a body. She displayed her fine points in the
+way of health, and enjoyed being questioned with regard to them.
+This woman was taken ill. She exhibited the same interest, the same
+pleasure, in talking over and dwelling upon her various forms of
+illness; in fact, more. She counted her diseases. I am not aware
+that she ever counted her strong points of health.
+
+This illustration is perhaps clear enough to give a new sense of the
+necessity for forgetting our bodies. When ill use every necessary
+remedy; do all that is best to bring renewed health. Having made
+sure you are doing all you can, forget; don't follow the process.
+When, as is often the case, pain or other suffering puts forgetting
+out of the question, use no unnecessary resistance, and forget as
+soon as the pain is past Don't strengthen the impression by talking
+about it or telling it over to no purpose. Better forego a little
+sympathy, and forget the pain sooner.
+
+It is with our nerves that we resist when Nature has punished us. It
+is nervous strain that we put into a useless attention to and
+repetition of the details of our illness. Nature wants all this
+nerve-force to get us well the faster; we can save it for her by not
+resisting and by a healthy forgetting. By taking an illness as
+comfortably as possible, and turning our attention to something
+pleasant outside of ourselves, recovery is made more rapidly.
+
+Many illnesses are accompanied by more or less nervous strain, and
+its natural control will assist nature and enable medicines to work
+more quickly. The slowest process of recovery, and that which most
+needs the relief of a wholesome non-resistance, is when the illness
+is the result entirely of over-worked nerves. Nature allows herself
+to be tried to the utmost before she permits nervous prostration.
+She insists upon being paid in full, principal and interest, before
+she heals such illness. So severe is she in this case that a patient
+may appear in every way physically well and strong weeks, nay,
+months, before he really is so. It was the nerves that broke down
+last, and the nerves are the last to be restored. It is, however,
+wonderful to see how much more rapid and certain recovery is if the
+patient will only separate himself from his nervous system, and
+refuse all useless strain.
+
+Here are some simple directions which may help nervous patients, if
+considered in regular order. They can hardly be read too often if
+the man or woman is in for a long siege; and if simply and steadily
+obeyed, they will shorten the siege by many days, nay, by many weeks
+or months, in some cases.
+
+Remember that Nature tends towards health. All you want is
+nourishment, fresh air, exercise, rest, and patience.
+
+All your worries and anxieties now are tired nerves.
+
+When a worry appears, drop it. If it appears again, drop it again.
+And so continue to drop it if it appears fifty or a hundred times a
+day or more.
+
+If you feel like crying, cry; but know that it is the tired nerves
+that are crying, and don't wonder why you are so foolish,--don't
+feel ashamed of yourself.
+
+If you cannot sleep, don't care. Get all the rest you can without
+sleeping. That will bring sleep when it is ready to come, or you are
+ready to have it.
+
+Don't wonder whether you are going to sleep or not. Go to bed to
+rest, and let sleep come when it pleases.
+
+Think about everything in Nature. Follow the growing of the trees
+and flowers. Remember all the beauties in Nature you have ever seen.
+
+Say Mother-Goose rhymes over and over, trying how many you can
+remember.
+
+Read bright stories for children, and quiet novels, especially Jane
+Austen's.
+
+Sometimes it helps to work on arithmetic.
+
+Keep aloof from emotions.
+
+Think of other people.
+
+Never think of yourself. Bear in mind that nerves always get well in
+waves; and if you thought yourself so much better,--almost well,
+indeed,--and then have a bad time of suffering, don't wonder why it
+is, or what could have brought it on. Know that it is part of the
+recovery-process; take it as easily as you can, and then ignore it.
+
+Don't try to do any number of things to get yourself well; don't
+change doctors any number of times, or take countless medicines.
+Every doctor knows he cannot hurry your recovery, whatever he may
+say, and you only retard it by being over-anxious to get strong.
+Drop every bit of unnecessary muscular tension.
+
+When you walk, feel your feet heavy, as if your shoes were full of
+lead, and think in your feet.
+
+Be as much like a child as possible. Play with children as one of
+them, and think with them when you can.
+
+As you begin to recover, find something every day to do for others.
+Best let it be in the way of house-work, or gardening, or something
+to do with your hands.
+
+Take care of yourself every day as a matter of course, as you would
+dress or undress; and be sure that health is coming. Say over and
+over to yourself: Nourishment, fresh air, exercise, rest, PATIENCE.
+
+When you are well, and resume your former life, if old associations
+recall the unhappy nervous feelings, know that it is only the
+associations; pay no attention to the suffering, and work right on.
+Only be careful to take life very quietly until you are quite used
+to being well again.
+
+An illness that is merely nervous is an immense opportunity, if one
+will only realize it as such. It not only makes one more genuinely
+appreciative of the best health, and the way to keep it, it opens
+the sympathies and gives a feeling for one's fellow-creatures which,
+having once found, we cannot prize too highly.
+
+It would seem hard to believe that all must suffer to find a
+delicate sympathy; it can hardly be so. To be always strong, and at
+the same time full of warm sympathy, is possible, with more thought.
+When illness or adverse circumstances bring it, the gate has been
+opened for us.
+
+If illness is taken as an opportunity to better health, not to more
+illness, our mental attitude will put complaint out of the question;
+and as the practice spreads it will as surely decrease the tendency
+to illness in others as it will shorten its duration in ourselves.
+
+
+
+XIII.
+
+SENTIMENT _versus_ SENTIMENTALITY.
+
+FREEDOM from sentimentality opens the way for true sentiment.
+
+An immense amount of time, thought, and nervous force is wasted in
+sentimentalizing about "being good." With many, the amount of talk
+about their evils and their desire to overcome them is a thermometer
+which indicates about five times that amount of thought Neither the
+talk nor the thought is of assistance in leading to any greater
+strength or to a more useful life; because the talk is all talk, and
+the essence of both talk and thought is a selfish, morbid pleasure
+in dwelling upon one's self. I remember the remark of a young girl
+who had been several times to prayer-meeting where she heard the
+same woman say every time that she "longed for the true spirit of
+religion in her life." With all simplicity, this child said: "If she
+longs for it, why doesn't she work and find it, instead of coming
+every week and telling us that she longs?" In all probability the
+woman returned from every prayer-meeting with the full conviction
+that, having told her aspirations, she had reached the height
+desired, and was worthy of all praise.
+
+Prayer-meetings in the old, orthodox sense are not so numerous as
+they were fifty years ago; but the same morbid love of telling one's
+own experiences and expressing in words one's own desires for a
+better life is as common as ever.
+
+Many who would express horror at these public forms of
+sentimentalizing do not hesitate to indulge in it privately to any
+extent. Nor do they realize for a moment that it is the same morbid
+spirit that moves them. It might not be so pernicious a practice if
+it were not so steadily weakening.
+
+If one has a spark of real desire for better ways of living,
+sentimentalizing about it is a sure extinguisher if practised for
+any length of time.
+
+A woman will sometimes pour forth an amount of gush about wishing to
+be better, broader, nobler, stronger, in a manner that would lead
+you, for a moment, perhaps, to believe in her sincerity. But when,
+in the next hour, you see her neglecting little duties that a woman
+who was really broad, strong, and noble would attend to as a matter
+of course, and not give a second thought to; when you see that
+although she must realize that attention to these smaller duties
+should come first, to open the way to her higher aspirations, she
+continues to neglect them and continues to aspire,--you are surely
+right in concluding that she is using up her nervous system in
+sentimentalizing about a better life; and by that means is doing all
+in her power to hinder the achievement of it.
+
+It is curious and very sad to see what might be a really strong
+nature weakening itself steadily with this philosophy and water. Of
+course it reaches a maudlin state if it continues.
+
+His Satanic Majesty must offer this dose, sweetened with the sugar
+of self-love, with intense satisfaction. And if we may personify
+that gentleman for the sake of illustration, what a fine sarcastic
+smile must dwell upon his countenance as he sees it swallowed and
+enjoyed, and knows that he did not even have to waste spice as an
+ingredient! The sugar would have drowned the taste of any spice he
+could supply.
+
+There is not even the appearance of strength in sentimentalizing.
+
+Besides the sentimentalizing about ourselves in our desire to live a
+better life, there is the same morbid practice in our love for
+others; and this is quite as weakening. It contains, of course, no
+jot of real affection. What wholesome love there is lives in spite
+of the sentimentalizing, and fortunately is sometimes strong enough
+on one side or the other to crowd it out and finally exterminate it.
+
+It is curious to notice how often this sham sentiment for others is
+merely a matter of nerves. As an instance we can take an example,
+which is quite true, of a woman who fancied herself desperately fond
+of another, when, much to her surprise, an acute attack of toothache
+and dentist-fright put the "affection" quite out of her head. In
+this case the "love" was a nervous irritant, and the toothache a
+counter-irritant. Of course the sooner such superficial feeling is
+recognized and shaken off, the nearer we are to real sentiment.
+
+"But," some one will say, "how are we to know what is real and what
+is not? I would much rather live my life and get more or less
+unreality than have this everlasting analyzing." There need be no
+abnormal analyzing; that is as morbid as the other state. Indulge to
+your heart's content in whatever seems to you real, in what you
+believe to be wholesome sentiment. But be ready to recognize it as
+sham at the first hint you get to that effect, and to drop it
+accordingly.
+
+A perfectly healthy body will shed germs of disease without ever
+feeling their presence. So a perfectly healthy mind will shed the
+germs of sentimentality. Few of us are so healthy in mind but that
+we have to recognize a germ or two and apply a disinfectant before
+we can reach the freedom that will enable us to shed the germs
+unconsciously. A good disinfectant is, to refuse to talk of our own
+feelings or desires or affections, unless for some end which we know
+may help us to more light and better strength. Talking, however, is
+mild in its weakening effect compared with thinking. It is better to
+dribble sham sentiment in words over and over than to think it, and
+repress the desire to talk. The only clear way is to drop it from
+our minds the moment it appears; to let go of it as we would loosen
+our fingers and drop something disagreeable from our hands.
+
+A good amount of exercise and fresh air helps one out of
+sentimentalizing. This morbid mental habit is often the result of a
+body ill in some way or another. Frequently it is simply the effect
+of tired nerves. We help others and ourselves out of it more rapidly
+by not mentioning the sentimentalizing habit, but by taking some
+immediate means towards rest, fresh air, vigorous exercise, and
+better nourishment.
+
+Mistakes are often made and ourselves or others kept an unnecessary
+length of time in mental suffering because we fail to attribute a
+morbid mental state to its physical cause. We blame ourselves or
+others for behavior that we call wicked or silly, and increase the
+suffering, when all that is required is a little thoughtful care of
+the body to cause the silly wickedness to disappear entirely.
+
+We are supposed to be indulging in sickly sentiment when we are
+really suffering from sickly nerves. An open sympathy will detect
+this mistake very soon, and save intense suffering by an early
+remedy.
+
+Sentiment is as strengthening as sentimentality is weakening. It is
+as strong, as clear, and as fine in flavor as the other is sickly
+sweet. No one who has tasted the wholesome vigor of the one could
+ever care again for the weakening sweetness of the other, however
+much he might have to suffer in getting rid of it. True sentiment
+seeks us; we do not seek it. It not only seeks us, it possesses us,
+and runs in our blood like the new life which comes from fresh air
+on top of a mountain. With that true sentiment we can feel a desire
+to know better things and to live them. We can feel a hearty love
+for others; and a love that is, in its essence, the strongest of all
+human loves. We can give and receive a healthy sympathy which we
+could never have known otherwise. We can enjoy talking about
+ourselves and about" being good," because every word we say will be
+spontaneous and direct, with more thought of law than of self. This
+true sentiment seeks and finds us as we recognize the sham and shake
+it off, and as we refuse to dwell upon our actions and thoughts in
+the past or to look back at all except when it is a necessity to
+gain a better result.
+
+We are like Orpheus, and true sentiment is our Eurydice with her
+touch on our shoulder; the spirits that follow are the
+sham-sentiments, the temptations to look back and pose. The music of
+our lyre is the love and thought we bring to our every-day life. Let
+us keep steadily on with the music, and lead our Eurydice right
+through Hades until we have her safely over the Lethe, and we know
+sentimentality only as a name.
+
+
+
+XIV.
+
+PROBLEMS.
+
+THERE are very few persons who have not I had the experience of
+giving up a problem in mathematics late in the evening, and waking
+in the morning with the solution clear in their minds. That has been
+the experience of many, too, in real-life problems. If it were more
+common, a great amount of nervous strain might be saved.
+
+There are big problems and little, real and imaginary; and some that
+are merely tired nerves. In problems, the useless nervous element
+often plays a large part. If the "problems" were dropped out of mind
+with sufferers from nervous prostration, their progress towards
+renewed health might be just twice as rapid. If they were met
+normally, many nervous men and women might be entirely saved from
+even a bowing acquaintance with nervous prostration. It is not a
+difficult matter, that of meeting a problem normally,--simply let
+it solve itself. In nine cases out of ten, if we leave it alone and
+live as if it were not, it will solve itself. It is at first a
+matter of continual surprise to see how surely this self-solution is
+the result of a wholesome ignoring both of little problems and big
+ones.
+
+In the tenth case, where the problem must be faced at once, to face
+it and decide to the best of our ability is, of course, the only
+thing to do. But having decided, be sure that it ceases to be a
+problem. If we have made a mistake, it is simply a circumstance to
+guide us for similar problems to come.
+
+All this is obvious; we know it, and have probably said it to
+ourselves dozens of times. If we are sufferers from nervous
+problems, we may have said it dozens upon dozens of times. The
+trouble is that we have said it and not acted upon it. When a
+problem will persist in worrying us, in pulling and dragging upon
+our nerves, an invitation to continue the worrying until it has
+worked itself out is a great help towards its solution or
+disappearance.
+
+I remember once hearing a bright woman say that when there was
+anything difficult to decide in her life she stepped aside and let
+the opposing elements fight it out within her. Presumably she
+herself threw in a little help on one side or the other which really
+decided the battle. But the help was given from a clear standpoint,
+not from a brain entirely befogged in the thick of the fight
+
+Whatever form problems may take, however important they may seem,
+when they attack tired nerves they must be let alone. A good way is
+to go out into the open air and so identify one's self with Nature
+that one is drawn away in spite of one's self. A big wind will
+sometimes blow a brain clear of nervous problems in a very little
+while if we let it have its will. Another way out is to interest
+one's self in some game or other amusement, or to get a healthy
+interest in other people's affairs, and help where we can.
+
+Each individual can find his own favorite escape. Of course we
+should never shirk a problem that must be decided, but let us always
+wait a reasonable time for it to decide itself first. The solving
+that is done for us is invariably better and clearer than any we
+could do for ourselves.
+
+It will be curious, too, to see how many apparently serious
+problems, relieved of the importance given them by a strained
+nervous system, are recognized to be nothing at all. They fairly
+dissolve themselves and disappear.
+
+
+
+XV.
+
+SUMMARY.
+
+THE line has not been clearly drawn, either in general or by
+individuals, between true civilization and the various perversions
+of the civilizing process. This is mainly because we do not fairly
+face the fact that the process of civilization is entirely according
+to Nature, and that the perversions which purport to be a direct
+outcome of civilization are, in point of fact, contradictions or
+artificialities which are simply a going-over into barbarism, just
+as too far east is west.
+
+If you suggest "Nature" in habits and customs to most men nowadays,
+they at once interpret you to mean "beastly," although they would
+never use the word.
+
+It is natural to a beast to be beastly: he could not be anything
+else; and the true order of his life as a beast is to be respected.
+It is natural to a man to govern himself, as he possesses the power
+of distinguishing and choosing, With all the senses and passions
+much keener, and in their possibilities many degrees finer, than the
+beasts, he has this governing power, which makes his whole nervous
+system his servant just in so far as through this servant he loyally
+obeys his own natural laws. A man in building a bridge could never
+complain when he recognized that it was his obedience to the laws of
+mechanics which enabled him to build the bridge, and that he never
+could have arbitrarily arranged laws that would make the bridge
+stand. In the same way, one who has come to even a slight
+recognition of the laws that enable him to be naturally civilized
+and not barbarously so, steadily gains, not only a realization of
+the absolute futility of resisting the laws, but a growing respect
+and affection for them.
+
+It is this sham civilization, this selfish refinement of barbarous
+propensities, this clashing of nervous systems instead of the
+clashing of weapons, which has been largely, if not entirely, the
+cause of such a variety and extent of nervous trouble throughout the
+so-called civilized world. It is not confined to nervous
+prostration; if there is a defective spot organically, an inherited
+tendency to weakness, the nervous irritation is almost certain to
+concentrate upon it instead of developing into a general nervous
+break-down.
+
+With regard to a cure for all this, no superficial remedy, such as
+resting and feeding, is going to prove of lasting benefit; any more
+than a healing salve will suffice to do away with a blood disease
+which manifests itself by sores on the surface of the skin. No
+physician would for a moment inveigle himself into the belief that
+the use of external means alone would cure a skin disease that was
+caused by some internal disorder. Such skin irritation may be easily
+cured by the right remedy, whereas an external salve would only be a
+means of repression, and would result in much greater trouble
+subsequently.
+
+Imagine a man superficially cured of an illness, and then exposed
+while yet barely convalescent to influences which produce a relapse.
+That is what is done in many cases when a patient is rested, and
+fattened like a prize pig, and then sent home into all the old
+conditions, with nothing to help him to elude them but a well-fed,
+well-rested body. That, undeniably, means a great deal for a short
+period; but the old conditions discover the scars of old wounds, and
+the process of reopening is merely a matter of time. From all sides
+complaints are heard of the disastrous results of civilization;
+while with even a slight recognition of the fact that the trouble
+was caused by the rudiments of barbarism, and that the higher
+civilization is the life which is most truly natural, remedies for
+our nervous disorders would be more easily found.
+
+It is the perversions of the natural process of civilization that do
+the harm; just as with so-called domesticated flowers there arise
+coarse abnormal growths, and even diseases, which the wholesome,
+delicate organism of a wild flower makes impossible.
+
+The trouble is that we do not know our own best powers at all; the
+way is stopped so effectually by this persistent nervous irritation.
+With all its superficiality, it is enough to impede the way to the
+clear, nervous strength which is certainly our inheritance.
+
+After all, what has been said in the foregoing chapters is simply
+illustrative of a prevalent mental skin-disorder.
+
+If the whole world were suffering from a physical cutaneous
+irritation, the minds of individuals would be so concentrated on
+their sensations that no one could know of various wonderful powers
+in his own body which are now taken as a matter of course. There
+would be self-consciousness in every physical action, because it
+must come through, and in spite of, external irritation. Just in so
+far as each individual one of us found and used the right remedy for
+our skin-trouble should we be free to discover physical powers that
+were unknown to our fellow-sufferers, and free to help them to a
+similar remedy when they were willing to be helped.
+
+This mental skin-disorder is far more irritating and more
+destructive, and not only leads to, but actually is, in all its
+forms, a sort of self-consciousness through which we work with real
+difficulty.
+
+To discover its shallowness and the simplicity of its cure is a boon
+we can hardly realize until, by steady application, we have found
+the relief. The discovery and cure do not lead to a millennium any
+more than the cure of any skin disease guarantees permanent health.
+For deeper personal troubles there are other remedies. Each will
+recognize and find his own; but freedom, through and through, can
+never be found, or even looked for clearly, while the irritation
+from the skin disease is withdrawing our attention.
+
+   "But, friends,
+    Truth is within ourselves: it takes no rise
+    From outward things; whatever you may believe,
+    There is an inmost centre in us all
+    Where truth abides in fulness; and around,
+    Wall upon wall, the gross flesh hems it in,
+    This perfect clear perception which is truth.
+    A baffling and perverting carnal mesh
+    Blinds it, and makes all error; and TO KNOW
+    Rather consists in opening out a way
+    Whence the imprisoned splendor may escape,
+    Than in effecting entry for a light
+    Supposed to be without."
+
+Browning's "baffling and perverting carnal mesh" might be truly
+interpreted as a nervous tangle which is nothing at all except as we
+make it with our own perverted sight.
+
+To help us to move a little distance from the phantom tangle, that
+it may disappear before our eyes, has been the aim of this book. So
+by curing our mental skin-disease as a matter of course, and then
+forgetting that it ever existed, we may come to real life. This no
+one can find for another, but each has within himself the way.
+
+THE END.
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's As A Matter Of Course, by Annie Payson Call
+
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