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diff --git a/44106-h/44106-h.htm b/44106-h/44106-h.htm index 6a68144..2ddb513 100644 --- a/44106-h/44106-h.htm +++ b/44106-h/44106-h.htm @@ -2,7 +2,7 @@ "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> <html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> <head> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=UTF-8" /> <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> <title> The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Confession of a Fool, by August Strindberg. @@ -81,44 +81,9 @@ v:link {color: #800000; text-decoration: none; } </style> </head> <body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 44106 ***</div> -<pre> - -The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Confession of a Fool, by August Strindberg - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - - -Title: The Confession of a Fool - -Author: August Strindberg - -Translator: Ellie Schleussner - -Release Date: November 5, 2013 [EBook #44106] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE CONFESSION OF A FOOL *** - - - - -Produced by Marc D'Hooghe at http://www.freeliterature.org -(Scans generously made available by the Internet Archive.) - - - - - - -</pre> @@ -386,7 +351,7 @@ dressed. What was she? Artist or blue-stocking? A sheltered woman or one living a free and independent life? Emancipated or cocotte? I wondered....</p> -<p>She introduced herself as the fiancée of an old friend of mine, an +<p>She introduced herself as the fiancée of an old friend of mine, an opera singer, and said that he wished me to look after her while she was staying in town. This was untrue, as I found out later on.</p> @@ -403,7 +368,7 @@ You're unhappy, that's all. You ought to be roused from your gloomy fancies."</p> <p>"You know me thoroughly? You really think so? I'm afraid all you know -is the now antiquated opinion your fiancé has of me."</p> +is the now antiquated opinion your fiancé has of me."</p> <p>It was no use talking, my "charming friend" was well informed and knew how to read a man's heart, even from a distance. She was one of @@ -439,7 +404,7 @@ I received a communication from her. It was a vainglorious letter in which she overwhelmed me with reproaches, largely tempered by forbearance and compassion; she expressed ardent wishes for my mental health, and concluded by arranging a second meeting, and stating that -we ought to pay a visit to her fiancé's aged mother.</p> +we ought to pay a visit to her fiancé's aged mother.</p> <p>As I rather pride myself on my manners, I resigned myself to my fate; but, determined to get off as cheaply as possible, I made up my mind to @@ -474,7 +439,7 @@ a rival who might possibly be equally anxious to save my soul.</p> arisen between us.</p> <p>When we met on the following day we talked exclusively of love and my -supposed fiancée.</p> +supposed fiancée.</p> <p>But after we had visited theatres and concerts for a week and taken numerous walks together, she had gained her object. The daily @@ -507,7 +472,7 @@ intensity. Jealousy is but the fear of losing what one possesses."</p> <p>But she refused to understand love in that sense. In her opinion love was something disinterested, exalted, chaste, inexplicable.</p> -<p>She did not love her fiancé, but he was head over ears in love with her.</p> +<p>She did not love her fiancé, but he was head over ears in love with her.</p> <p>When I said so she lost her temper, and then confessed that she had never loved him.</p> @@ -528,7 +493,7 @@ engaged." This done, we were at liberty to make use of our freedom.</p> <p>As she had now no longer any cause for jealousy, the game began afresh, and this time we played it in deadly earnest. I confessed my love to -her—in writing. She forwarded the letter to her fiancé. He heaped +her—in writing. She forwarded the letter to her fiancé. He heaped insults on my head—by post.</p> <p>I told her that she must choose between him and me. But she carefully @@ -555,7 +520,7 @@ end her insignificance came home to her and she became embarrassed.</p> <p>"Of course I am," I laughed.</p> <p>"Oh, my poor old mummer!" she murmured, alluding to her friend, the -opera singer, her so-called fiancé.</p> +opera singer, her so-called fiancé.</p> <p>But if I had flattered myself that the mummer was now finally disposed of, I was mistaken. He was threatening to shoot me—by post; he accused @@ -657,10 +622,10 @@ plans miscarried, illusions fled.</p> <p>The drawing-room, once upon a time our dining-room, was not furnished in any particular style. The Baron, who bore the name of a famous -general, a Turenne or Condé of our country, had filled it with the +general, a Turenne or Condé of our country, had filled it with the portraits of his ancestors, dating back to the Thirty Years' War; heroes in white cuirasses with wigs of the time of Louis XIV. Amongst -them hung landscapes of the Düsseldorf school of painting. Pieces of +them hung landscapes of the Düsseldorf school of painting. Pieces of old furniture, restored and gilded, stood side by side with chairs and easy-chairs of a more modern date. The whole room seemed to breathe an atmosphere of peace and domestic love.</p> @@ -678,7 +643,7 @@ aunt.</p> <p>As soon as the old people had sat down again to play, we younger ones began to talk. The Baron mentioned his great love of painting. A scholarship, granted him by the late King Charles XV, had enabled him -to pursue his studies at Düsseldorf. This fact constituted a point of +to pursue his studies at Düsseldorf. This fact constituted a point of contact between us, for I had had a scholarship from the same king, only in my case it had been granted for literary purposes.</p> @@ -831,7 +796,7 @@ say good-bye. It was a lovely evening in June. The moment I entered the courtyard I caught sight of her behind the garden railings; she was standing in a shrubbery of aristolochias, and the transcendent beauty of her appearance came upon me almost with a shock. She was dressed in -a white <i>piqué</i> dress, richly embroidered, the masterpiece of a Russian +a white <i>piqué</i> dress, richly embroidered, the masterpiece of a Russian serf; her chain, brooches and bangles of alabaster seemed to throw a soft light over her, like lamplight falling through an opalescent globe. The broad green leaves threw death-like hues on her pale face, @@ -1197,7 +1162,7 @@ was sufficient to bring him to his senses. In his wife's eyes the inherited coat of arms counted for very little, and the dusty coat of the man of letters completely eclipsed the full-dress uniform of the captain. Had he not been himself aware of this when he donned a -painter's blouse and entered the studio at Düsseldorf as the least +painter's blouse and entered the studio at Düsseldorf as the least of all the pupils? In all probability he had, but still there always remained a certain refinement, an inherited tradition, and he was by no means free from the jealous hatred which exists between students and @@ -1225,7 +1190,7 @@ his own.</p> <p>I saw nothing of him during the rest of the week, until I met him one evening at a street corner. He seemed very pleased to see me, and we -went into a café to have a chat.</p> +went into a café to have a chat.</p> <p>He had just returned from the country, where he had spent a few days with his wife's cousin. Without ever having met that charming person, I @@ -1372,7 +1337,7 @@ proudly imagined that he had ousted me.</p> <p>An incident which to some extent affected our destiny was the sudden departure of the Baroness and her little daughter to the country. It was in the beginning of August. For reasons of health she had chosen -Mariafred, a small village on the Lake of Mälar, where at the moment +Mariafred, a small village on the Lake of Mälar, where at the moment the little cousin happened to be staying with her parents.</p> <p>This hurried departure on the day after her home-coming struck me as @@ -1533,7 +1498,7 @@ and make an effort to write a poem, a drama, or a novel.</p> <p>"Your life has been an eventful one," I said to her in one of my letters; "why not make use of your own experience?" And, quoting from -Börne, I added, "Take paper and pen and be candid, and you are bound to +Börne, I added, "Take paper and pen and be candid, and you are bound to become an authoress."</p> <p>"It's too painful to live an unhappy life all over again," she had @@ -1646,7 +1611,7 @@ under a coat of mail?</p> <p>Diana then, the pale goddess of night, fearful of the sun, cruel in her enforced chastity, more boy than girl, modest because she needs must be -so—Diana, who could not forgive Actæon for having watched her while +so—Diana, who could not forgive Actæon for having watched her while bathing? Was she Diana? The species, perhaps, but not the genus!</p> <p>The future will speak the last word! With that delicate body, those @@ -1763,7 +1728,7 @@ impression that the incident was closed!"</p> <p>The Baron, radiant with mirth and happiness, squeezed my hand affectionately. He had come to ask me to join in another excursion -by steamer, and see the amateur theatricals at Södertälje, a small +by steamer, and see the amateur theatricals at Södertälje, a small watering-place.</p> <p>I declined politely, pleading urgent business.</p> @@ -1828,7 +1793,7 @@ her, my heart was filled with compassion, and I cursed my recent conduct towards her. This woman a coquette? She was a saint, a martyr, bearing undeserved sorrow.</p> -<p>The steamer started. The lovely August evening on the Lake of Mälar +<p>The steamer started. The lovely August evening on the Lake of Mälar tempted one to peaceful dreams.</p> <p>Was it accidental or intended? The little cousin and the Baron were @@ -2493,7 +2458,7 @@ examined the furniture, piece by piece, and smelt the flowers, all the time uttering little cries of delight.</p> <p>When she had finished her voyage of discovery round my room, she asked -me, naively, without any <i>arrière-pensée</i>, seeking with her eyes a +me, naively, without any <i>arrière-pensée</i>, seeking with her eyes a piece of furniture which appeared to be missing—</p> <p>"But where do you sleep?"</p> @@ -2755,7 +2720,7 @@ face with foam.</p> <p>I looked at my watch and calculated the distance which the steamer must have travelled while I slept. In my opinion we were now in the -archipelago of Norrköping; all hope of return was therefore dead. +archipelago of Norrköping; all hope of return was therefore dead. Everything was strange to me, the scattered islands in the bay, the rugged coast, the shape of the cottages dotted along the shore, and the cut of the sails on the fishing-smacks. Amid these unfamiliar @@ -3162,7 +3127,7 @@ pleasantness of being able to see one another at any time without a previous invitation.</p> <p>"But, my dear Baroness," I objected, "what would people say if you were -to receive a bachelor into your young <i>ménage</i>?"</p> +to receive a bachelor into your young <i>ménage</i>?"</p> <p>"What does it matter what people say?"</p> @@ -3540,7 +3505,7 @@ listened to the rattling of the swords; the "Who goes there?" of the sentinels, the beating of the drums. We arrived at the guard-room. The military decorations of the room stirred my imagination; the portraits of the great generals filled me with reverence; the colours taken at -Lützen and Leipzic, the new flags, the bust of the reigning king, the +Lützen and Leipzic, the new flags, the bust of the reigning king, the helmets, the resplendent breast-pieces, the plans of battles, all these roused in me that feeling of uneasiness which the lower classes feel in contemplating the symbols of the ruling powers. And in his impressive @@ -3851,7 +3816,7 @@ a duty done, but with a broken heart. Her eyes haunted me.</p> <p>A short rest gave me back my determination. I rose and looked at the almanac which hung on the wall. It was the thirteenth of March. "Beware the Ides of March!" These famous words, which Shakespeare quotes in his -<i>Julius Cæsar</i>, sounded in my ears as the servant entered, bringing me +<i>Julius Cæsar</i>, sounded in my ears as the servant entered, bringing me a note from the Baron.</p> <p>In it he begged me to spend a lonely evening with him, saying that his @@ -4023,7 +3988,7 @@ of being humdrum? Just think—a confession of love without kisses, genuflexions or protestations, terminated by the appearance of two old men throwing the light of a dark lantern on the lovers! And yet therein lies the secret of Shakespeare's greatness, who shows us Julius -Cæsar in dressing-gown and slippers, starting from his sleep at night, +Cæsar in dressing-gown and slippers, starting from his sleep at night, frightened by childish dreams."</p> <p>The bell rang. The Baron and pretty Matilda were returning home. As @@ -4286,7 +4251,7 @@ caresses! Down with the dishonest mask! I want you and I will have you! I've wanted you from the first moment I set eyes on you! The story of Selma, the Finlander, is nothing but a fairy tale ... the friendship of our dear Baron a lie ... he loathes me, the man of the -middle-classes, the provincial, the <i>déclassé</i>, as I loathe him, the +middle-classes, the provincial, the <i>déclassé</i>, as I loathe him, the aristocrat!"</p> <p>This avalanche of revelations excited her very little, for it told her @@ -4545,7 +4510,7 @@ skirt disappearing through one of the other doors.</p> the staircase, and gave me the impression that I had been kicked out.</p> <p>I felt sure that I had not been mistaken. I had assisted at the -<i>dénoûment</i> of a sentimental play with a double plot.</p> +<i>dénoûment</i> of a sentimental play with a double plot.</p> <p>This mysterious illness, what was it? Hysteria? No. Science has given it the name of "nymphomania"; freely translated it means, the desire @@ -5950,7 +5915,7 @@ stage-managed the performances of the Royal Guards, instructed the play-acting soldiers, fondly imagining himself to be better acquainted with theatrical affairs than I was. Marie valued his so-called hints more highly; accepted him as her authority, scorned my suggestions. -Oh! the vileness of his conception of æsthetics! He extolled the +Oh! the vileness of his conception of æsthetics! He extolled the commonplace, the vulgar, the banal, because, as he said, it was true nature.</p> @@ -6043,7 +6008,7 @@ was furious with the injustice of the world, and made a desperate effort to vindicate her honour. I proposed the foundation of a weekly paper, for the discussion of the drama, music, literature and art, and she, thankful now for every effort to help her, gratefully accepted -my proposal. In this paper she was to make her début as a critic +my proposal. In this paper she was to make her début as a critic and writer of feuilletons, and so gradually become acquainted with publishers. She sunk two hundred crowns in the enterprise. I undertook the editorial work and proof-reading. Since I was well aware of my @@ -6367,7 +6332,7 @@ apprehensions, by an inexplicable uneasiness.</p> began to haunt me and disturbed my peace. The picture of the insolent actress was wiped out of my memory; I remembered only the Baroness, young, beautiful; her fragile body transfigured and clothed with the -beauty of the Land of Promise, dreamed of by the ascètes.</p> +beauty of the Land of Promise, dreamed of by the ascètes.</p> <p>I was indulging in those painful and yet delicious dreams when I received a letter from Marie, in which she informed me in heartbreaking @@ -6395,7 +6360,7 @@ twelve months?</p> <p>She hated matrimony. Her objectionable friend had impressed upon her that a married woman is a slave who works for her husband gratuitously. -I detest slaves, and therefore proposed a modern <i>ménage</i>, in keeping +I detest slaves, and therefore proposed a modern <i>ménage</i>, in keeping with our views.</p> <p>I suggested that we should take three rooms, one for her, one for @@ -6549,7 +6514,7 @@ was ostracised by my relations, no meddlesome member of my family threatened the peace of our home, and since the only relative of my wife's who lived on the spot was her aunt, we were spared the frequent calls and visits which so often give rise to serious troubles and -trials in a young <i>ménage</i>.</p> +trials in a young <i>ménage</i>.</p> @@ -7203,7 +7168,7 @@ expression of angelic innocence she replied that she herself had been amazed at the strength of her feelings, as she had never thought it possible for one woman to be so deeply in love with another.</p> -<p>This naïve confession reassured me. I remembered that one evening, at +<p>This naïve confession reassured me. I remembered that one evening, at my brother-in-law's, Marie had quite openly spoken of her passionate love for her cousin, without blushing, without being conscious that there was anything at all unusual in her conduct.</p> @@ -7288,7 +7253,7 @@ leave, which I purported spending with my—family in the solitude of one of the green islands on the shores of the Stockholm Archipelago.</p> <p>I was beginning to reap the harvest of my scientific researches. My -treatise was read by the Académie des Inscriptions et Belles Lettres +treatise was read by the Académie des Inscriptions et Belles Lettres in the Institut de France. I was elected a member of several foreign scientific societies, and the Imperial Russian Geographical Society conferred its medal upon me.</p> @@ -8578,7 +8543,7 @@ increasing age—</p> <p style="margin-left: 35%;"> "Cresson de fontaine!<br /> -La santé du corps!<br /> +La santé du corps!<br /> Quatre liards la botte!<br /> Quatre liards la botte!"<br /> </p> @@ -8596,7 +8561,7 @@ few pence by virtue of which he could keep up sufficient strength to push his barrow along when to-morrow had dawned? Should he invest his last shilling in the payment of the toll and go on to meet the unknown fate awaiting him? He took the risk, paid the octroi and trudged along -the Avenue de la Grande Armée.</p> +the Avenue de la Grande Armée.</p> <p>The sun had risen higher in the sky, and the pavements were still warm from the previous day; the gay town smelled like the close, fetid @@ -8629,7 +8594,7 @@ the Arc de Triomphe, shouting incessantly—</p> <p>At the last street corner a little dressmaker bought two bunches.</p> -<p>He dragged himself through the Champs Elysées, and met the wealthy man, +<p>He dragged himself through the Champs Elysées, and met the wealthy man, seated in his carriage behind his English coachman, on his way to the Bois de Boulogne, there to brood over the problem of life. The palaces and large restaurants bought nothing; the fierce rays of the sun dried @@ -8684,10 +8649,10 @@ principal entrance. He asked the dealer in relics to keep an eye on his barrow, and entered. He stirred the holy water with his right hand and cooled lips and brow. Inside the church it was cool, for the sunbeams were powerless to penetrate the stained-glass windows. The pulpit was -occupied by a little abbé, freshly shaved, with traces of powder still +occupied by a little abbé, freshly shaved, with traces of powder still visible on his bluish skin; he was speaking, and the old man listened.</p> -<p>"'Consider the lilies in the field,'" said the abbé, "'how they grow; +<p>"'Consider the lilies in the field,'" said the abbé, "'how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin, and yet Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like any one of these! Consider the ravens: for they neither sow nor reap; which neither have store-houses nor barn; and God @@ -8695,7 +8660,7 @@ feedeth them: how much more are ye better than the fowls!'"</p> <p>"How much more are we better than the fowls!" sighed the old man.</p> -<p>"But rather seek ye the Kingdom of God," concluded the abbé, "and all +<p>"But rather seek ye the Kingdom of God," concluded the abbé, "and all else will be added, to you."</p> <p>"All else," sighed the old man, "all else! First the Kingdom of God, @@ -8741,7 +8706,7 @@ there is room in life for anything else!"</p> his gold; therefore he continued to study his Baedeker, and did not ask the poor coster for his opinion.</p> -<p>The old man, with faith unshaken, left the church, the abbé's +<p>The old man, with faith unshaken, left the church, the abbé's comforting words ringing in his ears: "Take no heed of to-morrow," and crossed to the left shore of the river.</p> @@ -8758,8 +8723,8 @@ they are compelled to face torturing dreams and memories.</p> that was twenty centimes less than the franc which he had spent at the gate. How could he pay six francs to the nursery gardener? How could he buy food and drink, how return before nightfall to Suresnes? He saw in -imagination the endless Champs Elysées, the long Avenue de la Grande -Armée, the terrible Avenue Neuilly. No, it was too far to go back, too +imagination the endless Champs Elysées, the long Avenue de la Grande +Armée, the terrible Avenue Neuilly. No, it was too far to go back, too far.</p> <p>He looked about searchingly, and his dim eyes were dazzled by the gleam @@ -9323,7 +9288,7 @@ seemed justified.</p> had married a girl of doubtful morality. She had been the mistress of a smelter, and funds which she received from her former lover kept her home going. She made herself proficient in her husband's profession; -and while she worked left him to loaf and spend his time in the cafés, +and while she worked left him to loaf and spend his time in the cafés, drinking with boon companions.</p> <p>The facts, albeit disguised in this way, must have been plain enough @@ -9719,7 +9684,7 @@ where the colonel drives the only cab, where the young girls are virgins when they marry, and the young men shoot at targets and play the drum. Utopia! land of the golden beer and smoked sausages; birthplace of the game of ninepins, the House of Habsburg, William -Tell, rustic merry-makings and naïve songs straight from the heart, +Tell, rustic merry-makings and naïve songs straight from the heart, pastors' wives and vicarage idylls!</p> <p>Peace returned to our troubled hearts. I recovered, and Marie, weary @@ -10087,7 +10052,7 @@ o'clock in the morning, carrying their Prayer Books in their hands. Two old women, patiently performing their daily half-mile trudge to morning prayers, were counting their beads on the highroad. One of them started the angelic salutation "Ave Maria!" and her companion joined in -the burden "In sæcula sæculorum, Amen." They kept up their monotonous' +the burden "In sæcula sæculorum, Amen." They kept up their monotonous' mumbling the whole way, and though this counting of beads may not have done any actual good, it at least prevented any misuse of the tongue; I could not help thinking of the well-known anecdote of the count who @@ -10163,7 +10128,7 @@ and brushwood shone and glittered, dazzling splashes of gold, copper, bronze and silver, wherever a stream of broken sunlight fell on the faded foliage which was still clinging to the branches. I was standing in an autumn landscape looking out into a sun-bathed summerland; -through my mind flashed the memory of a sail on the Lake of Mälar; I +through my mind flashed the memory of a sail on the Lake of Mälar; I remembered how I was sitting in the sunshine, watching the passing of a black hail-storm no further off than a cable-length to leeward. And now I, too, stood in the sunlight, gazing at a northern landscape made @@ -10432,19 +10397,19 @@ no permanent trace in my memory....</p> <p>My suspicion was strengthened when I remembered a certain epithet used in an anonymous letter which I had received a short time after Marie's -divorce. The letter referred to her as "the prostitute of Södertälje."</p> +divorce. The letter referred to her as "the prostitute of Södertälje."</p> <p>What did it mean? I had made inquiries which had come to nothing. Was I on the point of making a fresh discovery?</p> <p>When the Baron, Marie's first husband, made her acquaintance at -Södertälje, she was half and half engaged to a young officer, a man +Södertälje, she was half and half engaged to a young officer, a man with admittedly bad health. Poor Gustav had played the part of a greenhorn. That accounted for the warm gratitude which she felt for him even after the divorce; she had confessed at the time that he had delivered her from dangers ... what dangers she had not mentioned.</p> -<p>But "the prostitute of Södertälje"? I reflected ... the retired life +<p>But "the prostitute of Södertälje"? I reflected ... the retired life which the young couple led, without friends, without society; they had been ostracised by the class to which they belonged.</p> @@ -10452,7 +10417,7 @@ been ostracised by the class to which they belonged.</p> had wheedled Marie's father into a marriage with her; who had fled to Sweden to escape from pressing debts; had she, the widow who so cleverly contrived to conceal her poverty, stooped to sell her daughter -when they were living at Södertälje?</p> +when they were living at Södertälje?</p> <p>The old woman, a coquette still at the age of sixty, had always inspired me with mingled feelings of compassion and dislike; mean, @@ -11124,7 +11089,7 @@ innuendoes, the veiled allusions. And while I, completely absorbed in my daily toil, lived unsuspectingly from day to day, slanderous rumours had been started, which became more and more insistent and definite, although they had no other foundation than the talk of the envious -and the idle gossip of the cafés. And I, fool that I was, believed +and the idle gossip of the cafés. And I, fool that I was, believed everybody, doubted no one but myself. Ah!...</p> <p>Was I really never insane, never ill, no degenerate? Was I merely @@ -11414,373 +11379,7 @@ him in the most unjust manner, did he sell the book to a publisher.</p> -<pre> - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg's The Confession of a Fool, by August Strindberg - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE CONFESSION OF A FOOL *** - -***** This file should be named 44106-h.htm or 44106-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/4/4/1/0/44106/ - -Produced by Marc D'Hooghe at http://www.freeliterature.org -(Scans generously made available by the Internet Archive.) - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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