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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/45292-0.txt b/45292-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fc721d5 --- /dev/null +++ b/45292-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1046 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 45292 *** + +THE PLACID PUG AND OTHER RHYMES + +By (The Belgian Hare) Lord Alfred Douglas + +Author of "Tails with a twist" and "The Duke of Berwick" + +Illustrated by P. P. + +1906 + + +[Illustration: 008] + +[Illustration: 010] + + + + +THE PLACID PUG + + +|THE placid Pug that paces in the Park, + +`Harnessed in silk and led by leathern lead, + +Lives his dull life, and recks not of the Shark + +`In distant waters. Lapped in sloth and greed, + +He fails in strenuous life to make a mark, + +The placid Pug that paces in the park.= + + + +Round the slow circle of his nights and days + +`His life revolves in calm monotony. + +Not unsusceptible to casual praise, + +`And mildly moved by the approach of "tea," + +No forked and jagged lightning leaps and plays + +Round the slow circle of his nights and days.= + + + +He scarcely turns his round protuberant eyes, + +`To mark the mood of animals or men. + +His joy is limited to mild surmise + +`When a new biscuit swims into his ken. + +And when athwart his gaze a Rabbit flies, + +He scarcely turns his round protuberant eyes.= + + + +And all the while the Shark in Southern seas + +[Illustration: 013] + +`Pursues the paths of his pulsating quest, + +Though the thermometer at fierce degrees + +`Might well admonish him to take a rest, + +The Pug at home snores in ignoble ease. + +(And all the while the Shark in Southern seas!)= + + + +If Pugs like Sharks were brought up in the sea + +`And forced to swim long miles to find their food, + +Tutored to front the Hake's hostility, + +`And beard the Lobster in his dangerous mood, + +Would not their lives more sane, more useful be, + +If Pugs like Sharks were brought up in the sea?= + + + +The placid Pug still paces in the park, + +`Untouched by thoughts of all that might have been. + +Undreaming that he might have "steered his bark" + +`Through many a stirring sight and stormy scene. + +But being born a Pug and not a Shark + +The placid Pug still paces in the park.= + + + + +BALLAD FOR BISHOPS + + +|BISHOPS and others who inhabit + +The mansions of the blest on earth, + +[Illustration: 015] + +Grieved by decline of infant birth, + +Have drawn attention to the rabbit. + +Not by design these good men work + +To raise that beast to heights contested, + +But by comparison, suggested, + +With those who procreation shirk.= + + + +For if a nation's moral status + +Be measured by prolific habit, + +Between man and the meanest rabbit + +There is an evident hiatus.= + + + +Each year, by lowest computations, + +Six times the rabbit rears her young, + +And frequent marriages among + +The very closest blood relations + +In very tender years ensure + +A constant stream of "little strangers," + +Who, quickly grown to gallant rangers, + +See that their families endure.= + + + +Not theirs to shirk paternal cares, + +Moved by considerations sordid, + +A child can always "be afforded"; + +The same applies to Belgian hares.= + + + +These noble brutes, pure Duty's pendants, + +May live to see their blood vermilion + +Coursing through something like a billion + +Wholly legitimate descendants.= + + + +Knowledge's path is hard and stony, + +And some may read who unaware are + +That rabbit brown and Belgian hare are + +Both members of the genus Coney.= + + + +The common hare, who lives in fields + +And never goes into a hole, + +(In this inferior to the mole) + +In all things to the Belgian yields.= + + + +He will, immoral brute, decline + +To multiply domestic "pledges," + +The family he rears in hedges + +Is often limited to nine.= + + + +Such shocking want of _savoir faire_, + +(Surely a symptom of insanity) + +Might goad a Bishop to profanity + +Were it not for the Belgian hare.= + + + + +SONG FOR VINTNERS + + +|THE Lion laps the limpid lake, + +`The Pard refuses wine, + +The sinuous Lizard and the Snake, + +`The petulant Porcupine, + +Agree in this, their thirst to quench + +Only with Nature's natural "drench."= + + + +In vain with beer you tempt the Deer, + +`Or lure the Marmozet; + +The early morning Chanticleer, + +`The painted Parroquet, + +Alike, on claret and champagne + +Gaze with unfaltering disdain.= + + + +No ale or spirit tempts the Ferret, + +`No juice of grape the Toad. + +[Illustration: 022] + +In vain towards the "Harp and Merit" + +`The patient Ox you goad; + +Not his in rapture to extol + +The praises of the flowing bowl.= + + + +The silent Spider laughs at cider, + +`The Horse despises port; + +The Crocodile (whose mouth is wider + +`Than any other sort) + +Prefers the waters of the Nile + +To any of a stronger style.= + + + +The Rabbit knows no "private bar," + +`The Pelican will wander + +Through arid plains of Kandahar, + +`Nor ever pause to ponder + +Whether in that infernal clime + +The clocks converge to "closing time."= + + + +True "bona-fide traveller" + +`Urging no sophist plea, + +How terrible must seem to her + +`Man's inebriety; + +She who in thirsty moments places + +Her simple trust in green oases.= + + + +With what calm scorn the Unicorn, + +`In his remote retreat, + +Must contemplate the fervour born + +`Of old "Château Lafitte." + +Conceive the feelings of the Sphinx + +Confronted with Columbian drinks!= + + + +And oh! if all this solemn truth + +`Were dinned into its mind + +From earliest years, might not our youth + +`Regenerate mankind, + +Aspire to climb the Heights, and dare + +To emulate the Belgian hare?= + + + + +HYMN FOR HUMBLE PEOPLE + + +|THE staunch and strenuous Serpent spends his time + +`In the safe field of serpentine pursuits, + +Rightly considering it a social crime + +`To parody the ways of other brutes.= + + + +Scorning the fraud of alien aspirations, + +`The snobbishness that apes another class, + +Proud, and yet conscious of his limitations, + +`He bites the dust and grovels in the grass.= + + + +The moral food that keeps him down is Force, + +`Force to confine his fancies to their beds. + +[Illustration: 028] + +Makes him the laughing-stock of quadrupeds.= + + + +No weak attempt to carol like the Lark, + +`Fore-doomed to failure and to ridicule, + +Troubles his life; he does not wish to bark, + +`Has no desire to amble like a Mule.= + + + +Having no legs he does not try to walk, + +`But keeps contentedly his native crawl; + +Having no voice he does not strive to talk, + +`Much less to bellow or to caterwaul.= + + + +Mark the inevitably reached result: + +`To balance the advantages he missed, + +In three departments he may yet exult + +`To be the only perfect specialist.= + + + +Three arts are his: to writhe, to hiss, to creep. + +`The Toad's tenacity, the Wombat's wiles, + +Or the keen cunning of the crafty Sheep + +`(And all are artists in their various styles),= + + + +Would vainly challenge them. He reigns supreme + +`In these the fields of his activity, + +And reigning so defies the envious Bream, + +`Who sneers and shrugs and sniggers in the sea.= + + + +Type of the wise, who roar but never foam + +`(If they can help it) at the mouth, except + +When night and morn they brush their teeth at home + +`With pallid powder for that purpose kept.= + + + + +VERSICLES FOR VEGETARIANS + + +|SINCE Dr. Watts in frenzy fine + +`Extolled the "busy Bee," + +The patience of the Porcupine, + +`The Newt's fidelity, + +The calm contentment of the Pike, + +Have stirred our hearts and brain alike.= + + + +Lives there a man so lost, so low, + +`That he has never found + +Some lesson in the Buffalo, + +`Some precept in the Hound? + +Few who have won Victoria's cross + +Owe _nothing_ to the Albatross.= + + + +These pleasant thoughts must turn our minds, + +`In meditation quiet, + +Towards the moral law that binds + +`The principles of diet. + +Since 'tis a maxim none disputes, + +That we should imitate the brutes.= + + + +As has been shown in former verse, + +`The animal creation + +Does not in its own nature nurse + +`Inebriate inclination; + +Nor is it formed by Heaven to pant + +For alcoholic stimulant.= + + + +That being so, our path is plain, + +`We must eschew all drinks; + +If we are anxious to attain + +`To the celestial brinks, + +The meanest Hippopotamus + +Will make our duty clear to us.= + + + +But in the search for Natural guides + +`To moral food-restrictions, + +We are assaulted on all sides + +`By patent contradictions. + +Thus, while the Lion lives on meat, + +The Pheasant is content with wheat.= + + + +Who then, when beasts do not agree, + +`Shall venture to decide? + +[Illustration: 033] + +Some will adopt the Chimpanzee + +[Illustration: 034] + +`And some the Fox as guide, + +Others the Bear or Antelope, + +Nature allows the fullest scope.= + + + + +HYMN FOR HOWLERS + + +|WHO that has sailed upon the ocean's face, + +`Or walked beside the sea along the sand, + +Has not felt envy for the piscine race, + +Comparing its domain, where noise is banned, + +To the infernal racket that takes place + +On land?= + + + +While up above the billows rage and roar + +And make a most unnecessary noise, + +And shallow Shrimps, who live too near the shore, + +Are harassed by the shouts of girls and boys, + +Who find the beach a place convenient for + +Their toys,= + + + +The happy members of the Fishy clan + +Pursue in peace their various pursuits, + +All undisturbed by bell of muffin-man, + +Or bellow of purveyor of fresh fruits, + +Who at each "Pub" his voice republican + +Recruits.= + + + +The harmless Herring gambols with his young, + +And heeds but hears not their impulsive play. + +(His heart is with their mother who was flung, + +Kippered to feed a clerk's bank-holiday, + +Into the salting-tub and passed unsung + +Away.)= + + + +Now, had this Herring been of human breed, + +And lived in London or some other town, + +Fate would have made him _hear_ as well as heed + +His offspring as it gambolled up and down, + +[Illustration: 037] + +Making a noise that's very hard indeed + +To drown.= + + + +Moreover, organ-grinders would have ground, + +And yowls from both "employed" and "unemployed"; + +Hoarse howls from those who had "salvation" found, + +And bawls from those whose faith had been destroyed, + +Would have combined to keep his sense of sound + +Annoyed.= + + + +Who would not therefore rather be a Whale, + +A Hake, a Haddock, or a Mackerel, + +Than linger in this sad uncertain vale + +(Here where men sit and hear each other yell)? + +Better to go, if other places fail, + +To ------ + + + + +DIRGE FOR DEFEATED CANDIDATES + + +|THE dreadful Dragon and the Unicorn, + +`Accustomed to be treated with respect, + +`And much annoyed by present-day neglect, + +Have sometimes wished they never had been born, + +`At least in any world so "unselect."= + + + +Their non-existence being now a "fact" + +`Accepted by mankind's majority, + +`They naturally feel quite "up a tree." + +They don't know what to do to counteract + +`These damned delusions of Democracy.= + + + +Although they often walk out in the sun, + +`And show themselves in all important streets, + +`Although in fact they have their "regular beats," + +They're hardly ever seen by any one, + +`And get no notice in the "daily sheets."= + + + +Although as signs they hang on various inns, + +`They find themselves irrevocably "out."= + + + +[Illustration: 040] + +In vain they prance and caracole about, + +Even the tribute of "derisive grins" + +`Is now denied them in their final rout.= + + + +Mere non-belief in his existence may + +`Seem, to one emptying a festive flagon + +`In the interior of the "Wasp and Wagon," + +A very trifling matter any way. + +`But it is most annoying to the Dragon.= + + + +The subject may appear beneath contempt + +`To one who holds the world's applause in scorn, + +`Preferring in a cloister to adorn + +"Illumined scrolls in heavenly colours dreamt," + +`But it is galling to the Unicorn. + + + + +POEM FOR THE PROUD + + +|SEEN in the mirror of the poet's dream, + +(Exclusively reserved for the "elect"), + +Each animal supplies us with a theme + +For wondering-admiration and respect. + +Thus, to those men who truly modest seem + +Compare + +The Hare.= + + + +The Bee performs all sorts of useful things + +When she is gathering honey for the hive, + +She fertilises flowers and plants, and brings + +Food to keep necessary Drones alive. + +Unless annoyed she very seldom stings, + +Dear me! + +The Bee.= + + + +The Dove extols and cherishes his mate, + +And coos and woos all through the summer day. + +H is life is blamelessly immaculate, + +And though his wings enable him to stray, + +He seldom does. He never comes home late. + +By Jove! + +The Dove.= + + + +The Crow displays a splendid scorn of pelf, + +Backed by invulnerable self-restraint. + +All specious arts he lays upon the shelf, + +And, being free from every primal taint, + +He keeps himself entirely to himself. + +[Illustration: 044] + +Bravo + +The Crow!= + + + +The Stork _compels_ our admiration, he + +Will stand for several hours in the same place + +And on one leg, instead of two (or three), + +Thus practising economy of space. + +A grand example of stability! + +Oh Lork! + +The Stork.= + + + +The self-repressive Cod, on his own beat, + +Swims in elaborately-studied curves. + +He keeps below, not wishing to compete + +With surface-swimming fishes, though his nerves + +Are sometimes tried by lack of air, and heat. + +Good God! + +The Cod.= + + + + +SONG FOR SIDLERS + + +|THE Crab walks sideways, not because his build + +`Precludes the possibility of walking straight, + +And not (as some have thought) that he is filled + +`With strange and lawless theories on gait; + +Still less that he is foolishly self-willed + +`And prone to show off or exaggerate.= + + + +No serious student of his life and ways + +`Will venture to impugn his common sense; + +His tact and moderation win high praise + +`Even from those whose faculties are dense + +And blind to the false issues which they raise + +`When they accuse him of malevolence.= + + + +"But, ah!" these shallow hide-bound pedants cry, + +`"If to the Crab all virtues you concede, + +If his intentions are not evil, why + +`This sidelong walk, + +[Illustration: 047] + +`These flanking steps that lead + +To no advancement of Humanity, + +`No exaltation of the mortal breed?= + + + +"Why not go forward as the Sword-fish goes? + +`Or move straight backward, like the jibbing Horse + +Why this absurd and pitiable pose + +`That takes delight in any devious course? + +Why this dislike to 'following the nose' + +`Which all the best authorities endorse?"= + + + +Insensate fools. Swims not the Cod in curves? + +`Does not the running Roebuck leap and bound + +If in his flight the Capercailzie swerves, + +`Shall he be mocked by every Basset-hound + +Who, having neither feathers, wings, nor nerves, + +`Has not the pluck to rise up from the ground?= + + + +Peace, peace, the Crab adopts a side-long walk, + +`For reasons still impossible to see. + +And if his pride permitted him to talk + +`To any one who did not do as he, + +His instinct would be, probably, to balk + +`The hopes of vulgar curiosity.= + + + +And while the schoolmen argue and discuss, + +`And fill the air with "whats," and "whens," and "whys," + +And demonstrate as: thus, and thus, and thus, + +`The crab will pulverise their theories, + +And put an end to all this foolish fuss + +`By walking sideways into Paradise. + + + + +FRAGMENT FOR PHILOSOPHERS + + +|IN the abysses of the ocean deeps, + +`Fathoms removed from men and mortal strife, + +[Illustration: 050] + +The unexpectant Oyster smiles and sleeps + +`Through the calm cycle of his peaceful life.= + + + +What though above his head the steamboat plies, + +`And close at hand he hears the fume and fuss + +Of the impetuous Halibut that flies + +`The mad embraces of the Octopus.= + + + +Though the fierce tails of Whales like flails descend + +`Upon the water lashed to furious foam, + +And the Sea-serpents writhe and twist and bend + +`All round the purlieus of his ocean home,= + + + +He still preserves his philosophic calm, + +`His high detachment from material things, + +And lays to his untroubled soul the balm + +`Of that contentment oft denied to kings.= + + + +Not far off, on the shore, men fume and fret, + +`And prowl and howl and postulate and preach, + +The Baby bellows in the bassinet, + +`And the Salvation Army on the beach.= + + + +The unsuccessful "Artist" of the "Halls" + +`Has blacked his face with cork, and now he sings + +Of moons and coons and comic funerals + +[Illustration: 052] + +`And the enchantment that the cake-walk brings.= + + + +And on the pier the "milingtary band" + +`Poisons the air with beastly brazen sound, + +While cockney couples wander hand in hand, + +[Illustration: 053] + +`And dismal tourists tour, + +[Illustration: 054] + +And bounders bound.= + + + +And donkey-boys allure to donkey rides + +`The sitters on the sand beside the sea, + +And touts sell "guides" to all the town provides, + +`From theatres to "painless dentistry."= + + + +To all this noise the Oyster lends no ear, + +`Partly because he has no ear to lend, + +Partly because he hates to interfere, + +`Chiefly because these rhymes must have an end.= + + + +[Illustration: 056] + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Placid Pug and Other Rhymes, by +(AKA The Belgian Hare) Alfred Douglas + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 45292 *** diff --git a/45292-h/45292-h.htm b/45292-h/45292-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d1808b6 --- /dev/null +++ b/45292-h/45292-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,1865 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en"> + <head> + <title> + The Placid Pug and Other Rhymes, by (the Belgian Hare) Lord Alfred Douglas + </title> +<link rel="coverpage" href="images/cover.jpg" /> + <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + + body { margin:15%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + .indent5 { margin-left: 5%;} + .indent10 { margin-left: 10%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 100%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + .side { float: left; font-size: 75%; width: 25%; padding-left: 0.8em; + border-left: dashed thin; text-align: left; + text-indent: 0; font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; + font-weight: bold; color: black; background: #eeeeee; border: solid 1px;} + p.pfirst, p.noindent {text-indent: 0} + span.dropcap { float: left; margin: 0 0.1em 0 0; line-height: 1 } + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + +</style> + </head> + <body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 45292 ***</div> + + <div style="height: 8em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h1> + THE PLACID PUG +</h1> +<h3>AND OTHER RHYMES +</h3> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <h2> + By (The Belgian Hare) Lord Alfred Douglas + </h2> + <h4> + Author of "Tails with a twist" and "The Duke of Berwick" + </h4> + <h3> + Illustrated by P. P. + </h3> + <h5> + 1906 + </h5> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0001" id="linkimage-0001"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/008m.jpg" alt="008m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/008.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0002" id="linkimage-0002"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/010m.jpg" alt="010m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/010.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + <b>CONTENTS</b> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> THE PLACID PUG </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> BALLAD FOR BISHOPS </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0003"> SONG FOR VINTNERS </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0004"> HYMN FOR HUMBLE PEOPLE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0005"> VERSICLES FOR VEGETARIANS </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0006"> HYMN FOR HOWLERS </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0007"> DIRGE FOR DEFEATED CANDIDATES </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0008"> POEM FOR THE PROUD </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0009"> SONG FOR SIDLERS </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0010"> FRAGMENT FOR PHILOSOPHERS </a> + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE PLACID PUG + </h2> + <p class="pfirst"> + <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>HE placid Pug that + paces in the Park, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Harnessed in silk and led by leathern lead, + </p> + <p> + Lives his dull life, and recks not of the Shark + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + In distant waters. Lapped in sloth and greed, + </p> + <p> + He fails in strenuous life to make a mark, + </p> + <p> + The placid Pug that paces in the park. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Round the slow circle of his nights and days + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + His life revolves in calm monotony. + </p> + <p> + Not unsusceptible to casual praise, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + And mildly moved by the approach of "tea," + </p> + <p> + No forked and jagged lightning leaps and plays + </p> + <p> + Round the slow circle of his nights and days. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + He scarcely turns his round protuberant eyes, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + To mark the mood of animals or men. + </p> + <p> + His joy is limited to mild surmise + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + When a new biscuit swims into his ken. + </p> + <p> + And when athwart his gaze a Rabbit flies, + </p> + <p> + He scarcely turns his round protuberant eyes. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + And all the while the Shark in Southern seas + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0003" id="linkimage-0003"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/013m.jpg" alt="013m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/013.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p class="indent5"> + Pursues the paths of his pulsating quest, + </p> + <p> + Though the thermometer at fierce degrees + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Might well admonish him to take a rest, + </p> + <p> + The Pug at home snores in ignoble ease. + </p> + <p> + (And all the while the Shark in Southern seas!) + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + If Pugs like Sharks were brought up in the sea + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + And forced to swim long miles to find their food, + </p> + <p> + Tutored to front the Hake's hostility, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + And beard the Lobster in his dangerous mood, + </p> + <p> + Would not their lives more sane, more useful be, + </p> + <p> + If Pugs like Sharks were brought up in the sea? + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The placid Pug still paces in the park, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Untouched by thoughts of all that might have been. + </p> + <p> + Undreaming that he might have "steered his bark" + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Through many a stirring sight and stormy scene. + </p> + <p> + But being born a Pug and not a Shark + </p> + <p> + The placid Pug still paces in the park. + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + BALLAD FOR BISHOPS + </h2> + <p class="pfirst"> + <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">B</span>ISHOPS and others + who inhabit + </p> + <p> + The mansions of the blest on earth, + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0004" id="linkimage-0004"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/015m.jpg" alt="015m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/015.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + Grieved by decline of infant birth, + </p> + <p> + Have drawn attention to the rabbit. + </p> + <p> + Not by design these good men work + </p> + <p> + To raise that beast to heights contested, + </p> + <p> + But by comparison, suggested, + </p> + <p> + With those who procreation shirk. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + For if a nation's moral status + </p> + <p> + Be measured by prolific habit, + </p> + <p> + Between man and the meanest rabbit + </p> + <p> + There is an evident hiatus. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Each year, by lowest computations, + </p> + <p> + Six times the rabbit rears her young, + </p> + <p> + And frequent marriages among + </p> + <p> + The very closest blood relations + </p> + <p> + In very tender years ensure + </p> + <p> + A constant stream of "little strangers," + </p> + <p> + Who, quickly grown to gallant rangers, + </p> + <p> + See that their families endure. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Not theirs to shirk paternal cares, + </p> + <p> + Moved by considerations sordid, + </p> + <p> + A child can always "be afforded"; + </p> + <p> + The same applies to Belgian hares. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + These noble brutes, pure Duty's pendants, + </p> + <p> + May live to see their blood vermilion + </p> + <p> + Coursing through something like a billion + </p> + <p> + Wholly legitimate descendants. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Knowledge's path is hard and stony, + </p> + <p> + And some may read who unaware are + </p> + <p> + That rabbit brown and Belgian hare are + </p> + <p> + Both members of the genus Coney. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The common hare, who lives in fields + </p> + <p> + And never goes into a hole, + </p> + <p> + (In this inferior to the mole) + </p> + <p> + In all things to the Belgian yields. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + He will, immoral brute, decline + </p> + <p> + To multiply domestic "pledges," + </p> + <p> + The family he rears in hedges + </p> + <p> + Is often limited to nine. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Such shocking want of <i>savoir faire</i>, + </p> + <p> + (Surely a symptom of insanity) + </p> + <p> + Might goad a Bishop to profanity + </p> + <p> + Were it not for the Belgian hare. + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + SONG FOR VINTNERS + </h2> + <p class="pfirst"> + <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>HE Lion laps the + limpid lake, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The Pard refuses wine, + </p> + <p> + The sinuous Lizard and the Snake, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The petulant Porcupine, + </p> + <p> + Agree in this, their thirst to quench + </p> + <p> + Only with Nature's natural "drench." + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + In vain with beer you tempt the Deer, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Or lure the Marmozet; + </p> + <p> + The early morning Chanticleer, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The painted Parroquet, + </p> + <p> + Alike, on claret and champagne + </p> + <p> + Gaze with unfaltering disdain. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + No ale or spirit tempts the Ferret, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + No juice of grape the Toad. + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0005" id="linkimage-0005"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/022m.jpg" alt="022m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/022.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + In vain towards the "Harp and Merit" + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The patient Ox you goad; + </p> + <p> + Not his in rapture to extol + </p> + <p> + The praises of the flowing bowl. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The silent Spider laughs at cider, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The Horse despises port; + </p> + <p> + The Crocodile (whose mouth is wider + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Than any other sort) + </p> + <p> + Prefers the waters of the Nile + </p> + <p> + To any of a stronger style. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The Rabbit knows no "private bar," + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The Pelican will wander + </p> + <p> + Through arid plains of Kandahar, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Nor ever pause to ponder + </p> + <p> + Whether in that infernal clime + </p> + <p> + The clocks converge to "closing time." + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + True "bona-fide traveller" + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Urging no sophist plea, + </p> + <p> + How terrible must seem to her + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Man's inebriety; + </p> + <p> + She who in thirsty moments places + </p> + <p> + Her simple trust in green oases. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + With what calm scorn the Unicorn, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + In his remote retreat, + </p> + <p> + Must contemplate the fervour born + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Of old "Château Lafitte." + </p> + <p> + Conceive the feelings of the Sphinx + </p> + <p> + Confronted with Columbian drinks! + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + And oh! if all this solemn truth + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Were dinned into its mind + </p> + <p> + From earliest years, might not our youth + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Regenerate mankind, + </p> + <p> + Aspire to climb the Heights, and dare + </p> + <p> + To emulate the Belgian hare? + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0004" id="link2H_4_0004"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + HYMN FOR HUMBLE PEOPLE + </h2> + <p class="pfirst"> + <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>HE staunch and + strenuous Serpent spends his time + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + In the safe field of serpentine pursuits, + </p> + <p> + Rightly considering it a social crime + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + To parody the ways of other brutes. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Scorning the fraud of alien aspirations, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The snobbishness that apes another class, + </p> + <p> + Proud, and yet conscious of his limitations, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + He bites the dust and grovels in the grass. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The moral food that keeps him down is Force, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Force to confine his fancies to their beds. + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0006" id="linkimage-0006"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/028m.jpg" alt="028m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/028.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + Makes him the laughing-stock of quadrupeds. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + No weak attempt to carol like the Lark, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Fore-doomed to failure and to ridicule, + </p> + <p> + Troubles his life; he does not wish to bark, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Has no desire to amble like a Mule. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Having no legs he does not try to walk, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + But keeps contentedly his native crawl; + </p> + <p> + Having no voice he does not strive to talk, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Much less to bellow or to caterwaul. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Mark the inevitably reached result: + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + To balance the advantages he missed, + </p> + <p> + In three departments he may yet exult + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + To be the only perfect specialist. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Three arts are his: to writhe, to hiss, to creep. + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The Toad's tenacity, the Wombat's wiles, + </p> + <p> + Or the keen cunning of the crafty Sheep + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + (And all are artists in their various styles), + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Would vainly challenge them. He reigns supreme + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + In these the fields of his activity, + </p> + <p> + And reigning so defies the envious Bream, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Who sneers and shrugs and sniggers in the sea. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Type of the wise, who roar but never foam + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + (If they can help it) at the mouth, except + </p> + <p> + When night and morn they brush their teeth at home + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + With pallid powder for that purpose kept. + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0005" id="link2H_4_0005"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + VERSICLES FOR VEGETARIANS + </h2> + <p class="pfirst"> + <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">S</span>INCE Dr. Watts in + frenzy fine + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Extolled the "busy Bee," + </p> + <p> + The patience of the Porcupine, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The Newt's fidelity, + </p> + <p> + The calm contentment of the Pike, + </p> + <p> + Have stirred our hearts and brain alike. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Lives there a man so lost, so low, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + That he has never found + </p> + <p> + Some lesson in the Buffalo, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Some precept in the Hound? + </p> + <p> + Few who have won Victoria's cross + </p> + <p> + Owe <i>nothing</i> to the Albatross. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + These pleasant thoughts must turn our minds, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + In meditation quiet, + </p> + <p> + Towards the moral law that binds + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The principles of diet. + </p> + <p> + Since 'tis a maxim none disputes, + </p> + <p> + That we should imitate the brutes. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + As has been shown in former verse, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The animal creation + </p> + <p> + Does not in its own nature nurse + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Inebriate inclination; + </p> + <p> + Nor is it formed by Heaven to pant + </p> + <p> + For alcoholic stimulant. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + That being so, our path is plain, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + We must eschew all drinks; + </p> + <p> + If we are anxious to attain + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + To the celestial brinks, + </p> + <p> + The meanest Hippopotamus + </p> + <p> + Will make our duty clear to us. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + But in the search for Natural guides + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + To moral food-restrictions, + </p> + <p> + We are assaulted on all sides + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + By patent contradictions. + </p> + <p> + Thus, while the Lion lives on meat, + </p> + <p> + The Pheasant is content with wheat. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Who then, when beasts do not agree, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Shall venture to decide? + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0007" id="linkimage-0007"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/033m.jpg" alt="033m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/033.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + Some will adopt the Chimpanzee + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0008" id="linkimage-0008"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/034m.jpg" alt="034m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/034.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p class="indent5"> + And some the Fox as guide, + </p> + <p> + Others the Bear or Antelope, + </p> + <p> + Nature allows the fullest scope. + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0006" id="link2H_4_0006"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + HYMN FOR HOWLERS + </h2> + <p class="pfirst"> + <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">W</span>HO that has sailed + upon the ocean's face, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Or walked beside the sea along the sand, + </p> + <p> + Has not felt envy for the piscine race, + </p> + <p> + Comparing its domain, where noise is banned, + </p> + <p> + To the infernal racket that takes place + </p> + <p> + On land? + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + While up above the billows rage and roar + </p> + <p> + And make a most unnecessary noise, + </p> + <p> + And shallow Shrimps, who live too near the shore, + </p> + <p> + Are harassed by the shouts of girls and boys, + </p> + <p> + Who find the beach a place convenient for + </p> + <p> + Their toys, + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The happy members of the Fishy clan + </p> + <p> + Pursue in peace their various pursuits, + </p> + <p> + All undisturbed by bell of muffin-man, + </p> + <p> + Or bellow of purveyor of fresh fruits, + </p> + <p> + Who at each "Pub" his voice republican + </p> + <p> + Recruits. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The harmless Herring gambols with his young, + </p> + <p> + And heeds but hears not their impulsive play. + </p> + <p> + (His heart is with their mother who was flung, + </p> + <p> + Kippered to feed a clerk's bank-holiday, + </p> + <p> + Into the salting-tub and passed unsung + </p> + <p> + Away.) + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Now, had this Herring been of human breed, + </p> + <p> + And lived in London or some other town, + </p> + <p> + Fate would have made him <i>hear</i> as well as heed + </p> + <p> + His offspring as it gambolled up and down, + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0009" id="linkimage-0009"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/037m.jpg" alt="037m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/037.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + Making a noise that's very hard indeed + </p> + <p> + To drown. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Moreover, organ-grinders would have ground, + </p> + <p> + And yowls from both "employed" and "unemployed"; + </p> + <p> + Hoarse howls from those who had "salvation" found, + </p> + <p> + And bawls from those whose faith had been destroyed, + </p> + <p> + Would have combined to keep his sense of sound + </p> + <p> + Annoyed. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Who would not therefore rather be a Whale, + </p> + <p> + A Hake, a Haddock, or a Mackerel, + </p> + <p> + Than linger in this sad uncertain vale + </p> + <p> + (Here where men sit and hear each other yell)? + </p> + <p> + Better to go, if other places fail, + </p> + <p> + To ——— + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0007" id="link2H_4_0007"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + DIRGE FOR DEFEATED CANDIDATES + </h2> + <p class="pfirst"> + <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>HE dreadful Dragon + and the Unicorn, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Accustomed to be treated with respect, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + And much annoyed by present-day neglect, + </p> + <p> + Have sometimes wished they never had been born, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + At least in any world so "unselect." + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Their non-existence being now a "fact" + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Accepted by mankind's majority, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + They naturally feel quite "up a tree." + </p> + <p> + They don't know what to do to counteract + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + These damned delusions of Democracy. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Although they often walk out in the sun, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + And show themselves in all important streets, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Although in fact they have their "regular beats," + </p> + <p> + They're hardly ever seen by any one, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + And get no notice in the "daily sheets." + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Although as signs they hang on various inns, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + They find themselves irrevocably "out." + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0010" id="linkimage-0010"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/040m.jpg" alt="040m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/040.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + In vain they prance and caracole about, + </p> + <p> + Even the tribute of "derisive grins" + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Is now denied them in their final rout. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Mere non-belief in his existence may + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Seem, to one emptying a festive flagon + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + In the interior of the "Wasp and Wagon," + </p> + <p> + A very trifling matter any way. + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + But it is most annoying to the Dragon. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The subject may appear beneath contempt + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + To one who holds the world's applause in scorn, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Preferring in a cloister to adorn + </p> + <p> + "Illumined scrolls in heavenly colours dreamt," + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + But it is galling to the Unicorn. + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0008" id="link2H_4_0008"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + POEM FOR THE PROUD + </h2> + <p class="pfirst"> + <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">S</span>EEN in the mirror + of the poet's dream, + </p> + <p> + (Exclusively reserved for the "elect"), + </p> + <p> + Each animal supplies us with a theme + </p> + <p> + For wondering-admiration and respect. + </p> + <p> + Thus, to those men who truly modest seem + </p> + <p> + Compare + </p> + <p> + The Hare. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The Bee performs all sorts of useful things + </p> + <p> + When she is gathering honey for the hive, + </p> + <p> + She fertilises flowers and plants, and brings + </p> + <p> + Food to keep necessary Drones alive. + </p> + <p> + Unless annoyed she very seldom stings, + </p> + <p> + Dear me! + </p> + <p> + The Bee. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The Dove extols and cherishes his mate, + </p> + <p> + And coos and woos all through the summer day. + </p> + <p> + H is life is blamelessly immaculate, + </p> + <p> + And though his wings enable him to stray, + </p> + <p> + He seldom does. He never comes home late. + </p> + <p> + By Jove! + </p> + <p> + The Dove. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The Crow displays a splendid scorn of pelf, + </p> + <p> + Backed by invulnerable self-restraint. + </p> + <p> + All specious arts he lays upon the shelf, + </p> + <p> + And, being free from every primal taint, + </p> + <p> + He keeps himself entirely to himself. + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0011" id="linkimage-0011"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/044m.jpg" alt="044m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/044.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + Bravo + </p> + <p> + The Crow! + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The Stork <i>compels</i> our admiration, he + </p> + <p> + Will stand for several hours in the same place + </p> + <p> + And on one leg, instead of two (or three), + </p> + <p> + Thus practising economy of space. + </p> + <p> + A grand example of stability! + </p> + <p> + Oh Lork! + </p> + <p> + The Stork. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The self-repressive Cod, on his own beat, + </p> + <p> + Swims in elaborately-studied curves. + </p> + <p> + He keeps below, not wishing to compete + </p> + <p> + With surface-swimming fishes, though his nerves + </p> + <p> + Are sometimes tried by lack of air, and heat. + </p> + <p> + Good God! + </p> + <p> + The Cod. + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0009" id="link2H_4_0009"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + SONG FOR SIDLERS + </h2> + <p class="pfirst"> + <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>HE Crab walks + sideways, not because his build + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Precludes the possibility of walking straight, + </p> + <p> + And not (as some have thought) that he is filled + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + With strange and lawless theories on gait; + </p> + <p> + Still less that he is foolishly self-willed + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + And prone to show off or exaggerate. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + No serious student of his life and ways + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Will venture to impugn his common sense; + </p> + <p> + His tact and moderation win high praise + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Even from those whose faculties are dense + </p> + <p> + And blind to the false issues which they raise + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + When they accuse him of malevolence. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + "But, ah!" these shallow hide-bound pedants cry, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + "If to the Crab all virtues you concede, + </p> + <p> + If his intentions are not evil, why + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + This sidelong walk, + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0012" id="linkimage-0012"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/047m.jpg" alt="047m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/047.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p class="indent5"> + These flanking steps that lead + </p> + <p> + To no advancement of Humanity, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + No exaltation of the mortal breed? + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + "Why not go forward as the Sword-fish goes? + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Or move straight backward, like the jibbing Horse + </p> + <p> + Why this absurd and pitiable pose + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + That takes delight in any devious course? + </p> + <p> + Why this dislike to 'following the nose' + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Which all the best authorities endorse?" + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Insensate fools. Swims not the Cod in curves? + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Does not the running Roebuck leap and bound + </p> + <p> + If in his flight the Capercailzie swerves, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Shall he be mocked by every Basset-hound + </p> + <p> + Who, having neither feathers, wings, nor nerves, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Has not the pluck to rise up from the ground? + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Peace, peace, the Crab adopts a side-long walk, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + For reasons still impossible to see. + </p> + <p> + And if his pride permitted him to talk + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + To any one who did not do as he, + </p> + <p> + His instinct would be, probably, to balk + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The hopes of vulgar curiosity. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + And while the schoolmen argue and discuss, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + And fill the air with "whats," and "whens," and "whys," + </p> + <p> + And demonstrate as: thus, and thus, and thus, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The crab will pulverise their theories, + </p> + <p> + And put an end to all this foolish fuss + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + By walking sideways into Paradise. + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0010" id="link2H_4_0010"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + FRAGMENT FOR PHILOSOPHERS + </h2> + <p class="pfirst"> + <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>N the abysses of + the ocean deeps, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Fathoms removed from men and mortal strife, + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0013" id="linkimage-0013"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/050m.jpg" alt="050m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/050.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + The unexpectant Oyster smiles and sleeps + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Through the calm cycle of his peaceful life. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + What though above his head the steamboat plies, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + And close at hand he hears the fume and fuss + </p> + <p> + Of the impetuous Halibut that flies + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The mad embraces of the Octopus. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Though the fierce tails of Whales like flails descend + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Upon the water lashed to furious foam, + </p> + <p> + And the Sea-serpents writhe and twist and bend + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + All round the purlieus of his ocean home, + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + He still preserves his philosophic calm, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + His high detachment from material things, + </p> + <p> + And lays to his untroubled soul the balm + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Of that contentment oft denied to kings. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Not far off, on the shore, men fume and fret, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + And prowl and howl and postulate and preach, + </p> + <p> + The Baby bellows in the bassinet, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + And the Salvation Army on the beach. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The unsuccessful "Artist" of the "Halls" + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Has blacked his face with cork, and now he sings + </p> + <p> + Of moons and coons and comic funerals + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0014" id="linkimage-0014"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/052m.jpg" alt="052m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/052.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p class="indent5"> + And the enchantment that the cake-walk brings. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + And on the pier the "milingtary band" + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Poisons the air with beastly brazen sound, + </p> + <p> + While cockney couples wander hand in hand, + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0015" id="linkimage-0015"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/053m.jpg" alt="053m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/053.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p class="indent5"> + And dismal tourists tour, + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0016" id="linkimage-0016"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/054m.jpg" alt="054m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/054.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + And bounders bound. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + And donkey-boys allure to donkey rides + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The sitters on the sand beside the sea, + </p> + <p> + And touts sell "guides" to all the town provides, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + From theatres to "painless dentistry." + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + To all this noise the Oyster lends no ear, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Partly because he has no ear to lend, + </p> + <p> + Partly because he hates to interfere, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Chiefly because these rhymes must have an end. + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0017" id="linkimage-0017"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:15%;"> + <img src="images/056m.jpg" alt="056m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/056.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <div style="height: 6em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + +<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 45292 ***</div> + </body> +</html> diff --git a/45292-h/images/008.jpg b/45292-h/images/008.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..780306d --- /dev/null +++ b/45292-h/images/008.jpg diff --git a/45292-h/images/008m.jpg b/45292-h/images/008m.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..eadbe83 --- /dev/null +++ b/45292-h/images/008m.jpg diff --git a/45292-h/images/010.jpg b/45292-h/images/010.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a42e104 --- 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Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fb62c30 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #45292 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/45292) diff --git a/old/45292-8.txt b/old/45292-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bba3cd2 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/45292-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1435 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Placid Pug and Other Rhymes, by +(AKA The Belgian Hare) Alfred Douglas + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Placid Pug and Other Rhymes + +Author: (AKA The Belgian Hare) Alfred Douglas + +Illustrator: P. P. + +Release Date: April 1, 2014 [EBook #45292] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PLACID PUG AND OTHER RHYMES *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger from page images generously +provided by The Internet Archive + + + + + + + +THE PLACID PUG AND OTHER RHYMES + +By (The Belgian Hare) Lord Alfred Douglas + +Author of "Tails with a twist" and "The Duke of Berwick" + +Illustrated by P. P. + +1906 + + +[Illustration: 008] + +[Illustration: 010] + + + + +THE PLACID PUG + + +|THE placid Pug that paces in the Park, + +`Harnessed in silk and led by leathern lead, + +Lives his dull life, and recks not of the Shark + +`In distant waters. Lapped in sloth and greed, + +He fails in strenuous life to make a mark, + +The placid Pug that paces in the park.= + + + +Round the slow circle of his nights and days + +`His life revolves in calm monotony. + +Not unsusceptible to casual praise, + +`And mildly moved by the approach of "tea," + +No forked and jagged lightning leaps and plays + +Round the slow circle of his nights and days.= + + + +He scarcely turns his round protuberant eyes, + +`To mark the mood of animals or men. + +His joy is limited to mild surmise + +`When a new biscuit swims into his ken. + +And when athwart his gaze a Rabbit flies, + +He scarcely turns his round protuberant eyes.= + + + +And all the while the Shark in Southern seas + +[Illustration: 013] + +`Pursues the paths of his pulsating quest, + +Though the thermometer at fierce degrees + +`Might well admonish him to take a rest, + +The Pug at home snores in ignoble ease. + +(And all the while the Shark in Southern seas!)= + + + +If Pugs like Sharks were brought up in the sea + +`And forced to swim long miles to find their food, + +Tutored to front the Hake's hostility, + +`And beard the Lobster in his dangerous mood, + +Would not their lives more sane, more useful be, + +If Pugs like Sharks were brought up in the sea?= + + + +The placid Pug still paces in the park, + +`Untouched by thoughts of all that might have been. + +Undreaming that he might have "steered his bark" + +`Through many a stirring sight and stormy scene. + +But being born a Pug and not a Shark + +The placid Pug still paces in the park.= + + + + +BALLAD FOR BISHOPS + + +|BISHOPS and others who inhabit + +The mansions of the blest on earth, + +[Illustration: 015] + +Grieved by decline of infant birth, + +Have drawn attention to the rabbit. + +Not by design these good men work + +To raise that beast to heights contested, + +But by comparison, suggested, + +With those who procreation shirk.= + + + +For if a nation's moral status + +Be measured by prolific habit, + +Between man and the meanest rabbit + +There is an evident hiatus.= + + + +Each year, by lowest computations, + +Six times the rabbit rears her young, + +And frequent marriages among + +The very closest blood relations + +In very tender years ensure + +A constant stream of "little strangers," + +Who, quickly grown to gallant rangers, + +See that their families endure.= + + + +Not theirs to shirk paternal cares, + +Moved by considerations sordid, + +A child can always "be afforded"; + +The same applies to Belgian hares.= + + + +These noble brutes, pure Duty's pendants, + +May live to see their blood vermilion + +Coursing through something like a billion + +Wholly legitimate descendants.= + + + +Knowledge's path is hard and stony, + +And some may read who unaware are + +That rabbit brown and Belgian hare are + +Both members of the genus Coney.= + + + +The common hare, who lives in fields + +And never goes into a hole, + +(In this inferior to the mole) + +In all things to the Belgian yields.= + + + +He will, immoral brute, decline + +To multiply domestic "pledges," + +The family he rears in hedges + +Is often limited to nine.= + + + +Such shocking want of _savoir faire_, + +(Surely a symptom of insanity) + +Might goad a Bishop to profanity + +Were it not for the Belgian hare.= + + + + +SONG FOR VINTNERS + + +|THE Lion laps the limpid lake, + +`The Pard refuses wine, + +The sinuous Lizard and the Snake, + +`The petulant Porcupine, + +Agree in this, their thirst to quench + +Only with Nature's natural "drench."= + + + +In vain with beer you tempt the Deer, + +`Or lure the Marmozet; + +The early morning Chanticleer, + +`The painted Parroquet, + +Alike, on claret and champagne + +Gaze with unfaltering disdain.= + + + +No ale or spirit tempts the Ferret, + +`No juice of grape the Toad. + +[Illustration: 022] + +In vain towards the "Harp and Merit" + +`The patient Ox you goad; + +Not his in rapture to extol + +The praises of the flowing bowl.= + + + +The silent Spider laughs at cider, + +`The Horse despises port; + +The Crocodile (whose mouth is wider + +`Than any other sort) + +Prefers the waters of the Nile + +To any of a stronger style.= + + + +The Rabbit knows no "private bar," + +`The Pelican will wander + +Through arid plains of Kandahar, + +`Nor ever pause to ponder + +Whether in that infernal clime + +The clocks converge to "closing time."= + + + +True "bona-fide traveller" + +`Urging no sophist plea, + +How terrible must seem to her + +`Man's inebriety; + +She who in thirsty moments places + +Her simple trust in green oases.= + + + +With what calm scorn the Unicorn, + +`In his remote retreat, + +Must contemplate the fervour born + +`Of old "Château Lafitte." + +Conceive the feelings of the Sphinx + +Confronted with Columbian drinks!= + + + +And oh! if all this solemn truth + +`Were dinned into its mind + +From earliest years, might not our youth + +`Regenerate mankind, + +Aspire to climb the Heights, and dare + +To emulate the Belgian hare?= + + + + +HYMN FOR HUMBLE PEOPLE + + +|THE staunch and strenuous Serpent spends his time + +`In the safe field of serpentine pursuits, + +Rightly considering it a social crime + +`To parody the ways of other brutes.= + + + +Scorning the fraud of alien aspirations, + +`The snobbishness that apes another class, + +Proud, and yet conscious of his limitations, + +`He bites the dust and grovels in the grass.= + + + +The moral food that keeps him down is Force, + +`Force to confine his fancies to their beds. + +[Illustration: 028] + +Makes him the laughing-stock of quadrupeds.= + + + +No weak attempt to carol like the Lark, + +`Fore-doomed to failure and to ridicule, + +Troubles his life; he does not wish to bark, + +`Has no desire to amble like a Mule.= + + + +Having no legs he does not try to walk, + +`But keeps contentedly his native crawl; + +Having no voice he does not strive to talk, + +`Much less to bellow or to caterwaul.= + + + +Mark the inevitably reached result: + +`To balance the advantages he missed, + +In three departments he may yet exult + +`To be the only perfect specialist.= + + + +Three arts are his: to writhe, to hiss, to creep. + +`The Toad's tenacity, the Wombat's wiles, + +Or the keen cunning of the crafty Sheep + +`(And all are artists in their various styles),= + + + +Would vainly challenge them. He reigns supreme + +`In these the fields of his activity, + +And reigning so defies the envious Bream, + +`Who sneers and shrugs and sniggers in the sea.= + + + +Type of the wise, who roar but never foam + +`(If they can help it) at the mouth, except + +When night and morn they brush their teeth at home + +`With pallid powder for that purpose kept.= + + + + +VERSICLES FOR VEGETARIANS + + +|SINCE Dr. Watts in frenzy fine + +`Extolled the "busy Bee," + +The patience of the Porcupine, + +`The Newt's fidelity, + +The calm contentment of the Pike, + +Have stirred our hearts and brain alike.= + + + +Lives there a man so lost, so low, + +`That he has never found + +Some lesson in the Buffalo, + +`Some precept in the Hound? + +Few who have won Victoria's cross + +Owe _nothing_ to the Albatross.= + + + +These pleasant thoughts must turn our minds, + +`In meditation quiet, + +Towards the moral law that binds + +`The principles of diet. + +Since 'tis a maxim none disputes, + +That we should imitate the brutes.= + + + +As has been shown in former verse, + +`The animal creation + +Does not in its own nature nurse + +`Inebriate inclination; + +Nor is it formed by Heaven to pant + +For alcoholic stimulant.= + + + +That being so, our path is plain, + +`We must eschew all drinks; + +If we are anxious to attain + +`To the celestial brinks, + +The meanest Hippopotamus + +Will make our duty clear to us.= + + + +But in the search for Natural guides + +`To moral food-restrictions, + +We are assaulted on all sides + +`By patent contradictions. + +Thus, while the Lion lives on meat, + +The Pheasant is content with wheat.= + + + +Who then, when beasts do not agree, + +`Shall venture to decide? + +[Illustration: 033] + +Some will adopt the Chimpanzee + +[Illustration: 034] + +`And some the Fox as guide, + +Others the Bear or Antelope, + +Nature allows the fullest scope.= + + + + +HYMN FOR HOWLERS + + +|WHO that has sailed upon the ocean's face, + +`Or walked beside the sea along the sand, + +Has not felt envy for the piscine race, + +Comparing its domain, where noise is banned, + +To the infernal racket that takes place + +On land?= + + + +While up above the billows rage and roar + +And make a most unnecessary noise, + +And shallow Shrimps, who live too near the shore, + +Are harassed by the shouts of girls and boys, + +Who find the beach a place convenient for + +Their toys,= + + + +The happy members of the Fishy clan + +Pursue in peace their various pursuits, + +All undisturbed by bell of muffin-man, + +Or bellow of purveyor of fresh fruits, + +Who at each "Pub" his voice republican + +Recruits.= + + + +The harmless Herring gambols with his young, + +And heeds but hears not their impulsive play. + +(His heart is with their mother who was flung, + +Kippered to feed a clerk's bank-holiday, + +Into the salting-tub and passed unsung + +Away.)= + + + +Now, had this Herring been of human breed, + +And lived in London or some other town, + +Fate would have made him _hear_ as well as heed + +His offspring as it gambolled up and down, + +[Illustration: 037] + +Making a noise that's very hard indeed + +To drown.= + + + +Moreover, organ-grinders would have ground, + +And yowls from both "employed" and "unemployed"; + +Hoarse howls from those who had "salvation" found, + +And bawls from those whose faith had been destroyed, + +Would have combined to keep his sense of sound + +Annoyed.= + + + +Who would not therefore rather be a Whale, + +A Hake, a Haddock, or a Mackerel, + +Than linger in this sad uncertain vale + +(Here where men sit and hear each other yell)? + +Better to go, if other places fail, + +To ------ + + + + +DIRGE FOR DEFEATED CANDIDATES + + +|THE dreadful Dragon and the Unicorn, + +`Accustomed to be treated with respect, + +`And much annoyed by present-day neglect, + +Have sometimes wished they never had been born, + +`At least in any world so "unselect."= + + + +Their non-existence being now a "fact" + +`Accepted by mankind's majority, + +`They naturally feel quite "up a tree." + +They don't know what to do to counteract + +`These damned delusions of Democracy.= + + + +Although they often walk out in the sun, + +`And show themselves in all important streets, + +`Although in fact they have their "regular beats," + +They're hardly ever seen by any one, + +`And get no notice in the "daily sheets."= + + + +Although as signs they hang on various inns, + +`They find themselves irrevocably "out."= + + + +[Illustration: 040] + +In vain they prance and caracole about, + +Even the tribute of "derisive grins" + +`Is now denied them in their final rout.= + + + +Mere non-belief in his existence may + +`Seem, to one emptying a festive flagon + +`In the interior of the "Wasp and Wagon," + +A very trifling matter any way. + +`But it is most annoying to the Dragon.= + + + +The subject may appear beneath contempt + +`To one who holds the world's applause in scorn, + +`Preferring in a cloister to adorn + +"Illumined scrolls in heavenly colours dreamt," + +`But it is galling to the Unicorn. + + + + +POEM FOR THE PROUD + + +|SEEN in the mirror of the poet's dream, + +(Exclusively reserved for the "elect"), + +Each animal supplies us with a theme + +For wondering-admiration and respect. + +Thus, to those men who truly modest seem + +Compare + +The Hare.= + + + +The Bee performs all sorts of useful things + +When she is gathering honey for the hive, + +She fertilises flowers and plants, and brings + +Food to keep necessary Drones alive. + +Unless annoyed she very seldom stings, + +Dear me! + +The Bee.= + + + +The Dove extols and cherishes his mate, + +And coos and woos all through the summer day. + +H is life is blamelessly immaculate, + +And though his wings enable him to stray, + +He seldom does. He never comes home late. + +By Jove! + +The Dove.= + + + +The Crow displays a splendid scorn of pelf, + +Backed by invulnerable self-restraint. + +All specious arts he lays upon the shelf, + +And, being free from every primal taint, + +He keeps himself entirely to himself. + +[Illustration: 044] + +Bravo + +The Crow!= + + + +The Stork _compels_ our admiration, he + +Will stand for several hours in the same place + +And on one leg, instead of two (or three), + +Thus practising economy of space. + +A grand example of stability! + +Oh Lork! + +The Stork.= + + + +The self-repressive Cod, on his own beat, + +Swims in elaborately-studied curves. + +He keeps below, not wishing to compete + +With surface-swimming fishes, though his nerves + +Are sometimes tried by lack of air, and heat. + +Good God! + +The Cod.= + + + + +SONG FOR SIDLERS + + +|THE Crab walks sideways, not because his build + +`Precludes the possibility of walking straight, + +And not (as some have thought) that he is filled + +`With strange and lawless theories on gait; + +Still less that he is foolishly self-willed + +`And prone to show off or exaggerate.= + + + +No serious student of his life and ways + +`Will venture to impugn his common sense; + +His tact and moderation win high praise + +`Even from those whose faculties are dense + +And blind to the false issues which they raise + +`When they accuse him of malevolence.= + + + +"But, ah!" these shallow hide-bound pedants cry, + +`"If to the Crab all virtues you concede, + +If his intentions are not evil, why + +`This sidelong walk, + +[Illustration: 047] + +`These flanking steps that lead + +To no advancement of Humanity, + +`No exaltation of the mortal breed?= + + + +"Why not go forward as the Sword-fish goes? + +`Or move straight backward, like the jibbing Horse + +Why this absurd and pitiable pose + +`That takes delight in any devious course? + +Why this dislike to 'following the nose' + +`Which all the best authorities endorse?"= + + + +Insensate fools. Swims not the Cod in curves? + +`Does not the running Roebuck leap and bound + +If in his flight the Capercailzie swerves, + +`Shall he be mocked by every Basset-hound + +Who, having neither feathers, wings, nor nerves, + +`Has not the pluck to rise up from the ground?= + + + +Peace, peace, the Crab adopts a side-long walk, + +`For reasons still impossible to see. + +And if his pride permitted him to talk + +`To any one who did not do as he, + +His instinct would be, probably, to balk + +`The hopes of vulgar curiosity.= + + + +And while the schoolmen argue and discuss, + +`And fill the air with "whats," and "whens," and "whys," + +And demonstrate as: thus, and thus, and thus, + +`The crab will pulverise their theories, + +And put an end to all this foolish fuss + +`By walking sideways into Paradise. + + + + +FRAGMENT FOR PHILOSOPHERS + + +|IN the abysses of the ocean deeps, + +`Fathoms removed from men and mortal strife, + +[Illustration: 050] + +The unexpectant Oyster smiles and sleeps + +`Through the calm cycle of his peaceful life.= + + + +What though above his head the steamboat plies, + +`And close at hand he hears the fume and fuss + +Of the impetuous Halibut that flies + +`The mad embraces of the Octopus.= + + + +Though the fierce tails of Whales like flails descend + +`Upon the water lashed to furious foam, + +And the Sea-serpents writhe and twist and bend + +`All round the purlieus of his ocean home,= + + + +He still preserves his philosophic calm, + +`His high detachment from material things, + +And lays to his untroubled soul the balm + +`Of that contentment oft denied to kings.= + + + +Not far off, on the shore, men fume and fret, + +`And prowl and howl and postulate and preach, + +The Baby bellows in the bassinet, + +`And the Salvation Army on the beach.= + + + +The unsuccessful "Artist" of the "Halls" + +`Has blacked his face with cork, and now he sings + +Of moons and coons and comic funerals + +[Illustration: 052] + +`And the enchantment that the cake-walk brings.= + + + +And on the pier the "milingtary band" + +`Poisons the air with beastly brazen sound, + +While cockney couples wander hand in hand, + +[Illustration: 053] + +`And dismal tourists tour, + +[Illustration: 054] + +And bounders bound.= + + + +And donkey-boys allure to donkey rides + +`The sitters on the sand beside the sea, + +And touts sell "guides" to all the town provides, + +`From theatres to "painless dentistry."= + + + +To all this noise the Oyster lends no ear, + +`Partly because he has no ear to lend, + +Partly because he hates to interfere, + +`Chiefly because these rhymes must have an end.= + + + +[Illustration: 056] + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Placid Pug and Other Rhymes, by +(AKA The Belgian Hare) Alfred Douglas + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PLACID PUG AND OTHER RHYMES *** + +***** This file should be named 45292-8.txt or 45292-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/4/5/2/9/45292/ + +Produced by David Widger from page images generously +provided by The Internet Archive + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Placid Pug and Other Rhymes + +Author: (AKA The Belgian Hare) Alfred Douglas + +Illustrator: P. P. + +Release Date: April 1, 2014 [EBook #45292] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PLACID PUG AND OTHER RHYMES *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger from page images generously +provided by The Internet Archive + + + + + + +</pre> + + <div style="height: 8em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h1> + THE PLACID PUG +</h1> +<h3>AND OTHER RHYMES +</h3> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <h2> + By (The Belgian Hare) Lord Alfred Douglas + </h2> + <h4> + Author of "Tails with a twist" and "The Duke of Berwick" + </h4> + <h3> + Illustrated by P. P. + </h3> + <h5> + 1906 + </h5> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0001" id="linkimage-0001"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/008m.jpg" alt="008m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/008.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0002" id="linkimage-0002"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/010m.jpg" alt="010m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/010.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + <b>CONTENTS</b> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> THE PLACID PUG </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> BALLAD FOR BISHOPS </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0003"> SONG FOR VINTNERS </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0004"> HYMN FOR HUMBLE PEOPLE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0005"> VERSICLES FOR VEGETARIANS </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0006"> HYMN FOR HOWLERS </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0007"> DIRGE FOR DEFEATED CANDIDATES </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0008"> POEM FOR THE PROUD </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0009"> SONG FOR SIDLERS </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0010"> FRAGMENT FOR PHILOSOPHERS </a> + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE PLACID PUG + </h2> + <p class="pfirst"> + <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>HE placid Pug that + paces in the Park, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Harnessed in silk and led by leathern lead, + </p> + <p> + Lives his dull life, and recks not of the Shark + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + In distant waters. Lapped in sloth and greed, + </p> + <p> + He fails in strenuous life to make a mark, + </p> + <p> + The placid Pug that paces in the park. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Round the slow circle of his nights and days + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + His life revolves in calm monotony. + </p> + <p> + Not unsusceptible to casual praise, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + And mildly moved by the approach of "tea," + </p> + <p> + No forked and jagged lightning leaps and plays + </p> + <p> + Round the slow circle of his nights and days. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + He scarcely turns his round protuberant eyes, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + To mark the mood of animals or men. + </p> + <p> + His joy is limited to mild surmise + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + When a new biscuit swims into his ken. + </p> + <p> + And when athwart his gaze a Rabbit flies, + </p> + <p> + He scarcely turns his round protuberant eyes. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + And all the while the Shark in Southern seas + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0003" id="linkimage-0003"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/013m.jpg" alt="013m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/013.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p class="indent5"> + Pursues the paths of his pulsating quest, + </p> + <p> + Though the thermometer at fierce degrees + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Might well admonish him to take a rest, + </p> + <p> + The Pug at home snores in ignoble ease. + </p> + <p> + (And all the while the Shark in Southern seas!) + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + If Pugs like Sharks were brought up in the sea + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + And forced to swim long miles to find their food, + </p> + <p> + Tutored to front the Hake's hostility, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + And beard the Lobster in his dangerous mood, + </p> + <p> + Would not their lives more sane, more useful be, + </p> + <p> + If Pugs like Sharks were brought up in the sea? + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The placid Pug still paces in the park, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Untouched by thoughts of all that might have been. + </p> + <p> + Undreaming that he might have "steered his bark" + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Through many a stirring sight and stormy scene. + </p> + <p> + But being born a Pug and not a Shark + </p> + <p> + The placid Pug still paces in the park. + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + BALLAD FOR BISHOPS + </h2> + <p class="pfirst"> + <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">B</span>ISHOPS and others + who inhabit + </p> + <p> + The mansions of the blest on earth, + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0004" id="linkimage-0004"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/015m.jpg" alt="015m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/015.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + Grieved by decline of infant birth, + </p> + <p> + Have drawn attention to the rabbit. + </p> + <p> + Not by design these good men work + </p> + <p> + To raise that beast to heights contested, + </p> + <p> + But by comparison, suggested, + </p> + <p> + With those who procreation shirk. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + For if a nation's moral status + </p> + <p> + Be measured by prolific habit, + </p> + <p> + Between man and the meanest rabbit + </p> + <p> + There is an evident hiatus. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Each year, by lowest computations, + </p> + <p> + Six times the rabbit rears her young, + </p> + <p> + And frequent marriages among + </p> + <p> + The very closest blood relations + </p> + <p> + In very tender years ensure + </p> + <p> + A constant stream of "little strangers," + </p> + <p> + Who, quickly grown to gallant rangers, + </p> + <p> + See that their families endure. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Not theirs to shirk paternal cares, + </p> + <p> + Moved by considerations sordid, + </p> + <p> + A child can always "be afforded"; + </p> + <p> + The same applies to Belgian hares. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + These noble brutes, pure Duty's pendants, + </p> + <p> + May live to see their blood vermilion + </p> + <p> + Coursing through something like a billion + </p> + <p> + Wholly legitimate descendants. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Knowledge's path is hard and stony, + </p> + <p> + And some may read who unaware are + </p> + <p> + That rabbit brown and Belgian hare are + </p> + <p> + Both members of the genus Coney. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The common hare, who lives in fields + </p> + <p> + And never goes into a hole, + </p> + <p> + (In this inferior to the mole) + </p> + <p> + In all things to the Belgian yields. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + He will, immoral brute, decline + </p> + <p> + To multiply domestic "pledges," + </p> + <p> + The family he rears in hedges + </p> + <p> + Is often limited to nine. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Such shocking want of <i>savoir faire</i>, + </p> + <p> + (Surely a symptom of insanity) + </p> + <p> + Might goad a Bishop to profanity + </p> + <p> + Were it not for the Belgian hare. + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + SONG FOR VINTNERS + </h2> + <p class="pfirst"> + <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>HE Lion laps the + limpid lake, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The Pard refuses wine, + </p> + <p> + The sinuous Lizard and the Snake, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The petulant Porcupine, + </p> + <p> + Agree in this, their thirst to quench + </p> + <p> + Only with Nature's natural "drench." + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + In vain with beer you tempt the Deer, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Or lure the Marmozet; + </p> + <p> + The early morning Chanticleer, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The painted Parroquet, + </p> + <p> + Alike, on claret and champagne + </p> + <p> + Gaze with unfaltering disdain. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + No ale or spirit tempts the Ferret, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + No juice of grape the Toad. + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0005" id="linkimage-0005"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/022m.jpg" alt="022m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/022.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + In vain towards the "Harp and Merit" + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The patient Ox you goad; + </p> + <p> + Not his in rapture to extol + </p> + <p> + The praises of the flowing bowl. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The silent Spider laughs at cider, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The Horse despises port; + </p> + <p> + The Crocodile (whose mouth is wider + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Than any other sort) + </p> + <p> + Prefers the waters of the Nile + </p> + <p> + To any of a stronger style. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The Rabbit knows no "private bar," + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The Pelican will wander + </p> + <p> + Through arid plains of Kandahar, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Nor ever pause to ponder + </p> + <p> + Whether in that infernal clime + </p> + <p> + The clocks converge to "closing time." + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + True "bona-fide traveller" + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Urging no sophist plea, + </p> + <p> + How terrible must seem to her + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Man's inebriety; + </p> + <p> + She who in thirsty moments places + </p> + <p> + Her simple trust in green oases. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + With what calm scorn the Unicorn, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + In his remote retreat, + </p> + <p> + Must contemplate the fervour born + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Of old "Château Lafitte." + </p> + <p> + Conceive the feelings of the Sphinx + </p> + <p> + Confronted with Columbian drinks! + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + And oh! if all this solemn truth + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Were dinned into its mind + </p> + <p> + From earliest years, might not our youth + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Regenerate mankind, + </p> + <p> + Aspire to climb the Heights, and dare + </p> + <p> + To emulate the Belgian hare? + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0004" id="link2H_4_0004"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + HYMN FOR HUMBLE PEOPLE + </h2> + <p class="pfirst"> + <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>HE staunch and + strenuous Serpent spends his time + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + In the safe field of serpentine pursuits, + </p> + <p> + Rightly considering it a social crime + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + To parody the ways of other brutes. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Scorning the fraud of alien aspirations, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The snobbishness that apes another class, + </p> + <p> + Proud, and yet conscious of his limitations, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + He bites the dust and grovels in the grass. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The moral food that keeps him down is Force, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Force to confine his fancies to their beds. + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0006" id="linkimage-0006"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/028m.jpg" alt="028m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/028.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + Makes him the laughing-stock of quadrupeds. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + No weak attempt to carol like the Lark, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Fore-doomed to failure and to ridicule, + </p> + <p> + Troubles his life; he does not wish to bark, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Has no desire to amble like a Mule. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Having no legs he does not try to walk, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + But keeps contentedly his native crawl; + </p> + <p> + Having no voice he does not strive to talk, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Much less to bellow or to caterwaul. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Mark the inevitably reached result: + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + To balance the advantages he missed, + </p> + <p> + In three departments he may yet exult + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + To be the only perfect specialist. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Three arts are his: to writhe, to hiss, to creep. + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The Toad's tenacity, the Wombat's wiles, + </p> + <p> + Or the keen cunning of the crafty Sheep + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + (And all are artists in their various styles), + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Would vainly challenge them. He reigns supreme + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + In these the fields of his activity, + </p> + <p> + And reigning so defies the envious Bream, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Who sneers and shrugs and sniggers in the sea. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Type of the wise, who roar but never foam + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + (If they can help it) at the mouth, except + </p> + <p> + When night and morn they brush their teeth at home + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + With pallid powder for that purpose kept. + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0005" id="link2H_4_0005"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + VERSICLES FOR VEGETARIANS + </h2> + <p class="pfirst"> + <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">S</span>INCE Dr. Watts in + frenzy fine + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Extolled the "busy Bee," + </p> + <p> + The patience of the Porcupine, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The Newt's fidelity, + </p> + <p> + The calm contentment of the Pike, + </p> + <p> + Have stirred our hearts and brain alike. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Lives there a man so lost, so low, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + That he has never found + </p> + <p> + Some lesson in the Buffalo, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Some precept in the Hound? + </p> + <p> + Few who have won Victoria's cross + </p> + <p> + Owe <i>nothing</i> to the Albatross. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + These pleasant thoughts must turn our minds, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + In meditation quiet, + </p> + <p> + Towards the moral law that binds + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The principles of diet. + </p> + <p> + Since 'tis a maxim none disputes, + </p> + <p> + That we should imitate the brutes. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + As has been shown in former verse, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The animal creation + </p> + <p> + Does not in its own nature nurse + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Inebriate inclination; + </p> + <p> + Nor is it formed by Heaven to pant + </p> + <p> + For alcoholic stimulant. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + That being so, our path is plain, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + We must eschew all drinks; + </p> + <p> + If we are anxious to attain + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + To the celestial brinks, + </p> + <p> + The meanest Hippopotamus + </p> + <p> + Will make our duty clear to us. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + But in the search for Natural guides + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + To moral food-restrictions, + </p> + <p> + We are assaulted on all sides + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + By patent contradictions. + </p> + <p> + Thus, while the Lion lives on meat, + </p> + <p> + The Pheasant is content with wheat. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Who then, when beasts do not agree, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Shall venture to decide? + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0007" id="linkimage-0007"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/033m.jpg" alt="033m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/033.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + Some will adopt the Chimpanzee + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0008" id="linkimage-0008"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/034m.jpg" alt="034m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/034.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p class="indent5"> + And some the Fox as guide, + </p> + <p> + Others the Bear or Antelope, + </p> + <p> + Nature allows the fullest scope. + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0006" id="link2H_4_0006"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + HYMN FOR HOWLERS + </h2> + <p class="pfirst"> + <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">W</span>HO that has sailed + upon the ocean's face, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Or walked beside the sea along the sand, + </p> + <p> + Has not felt envy for the piscine race, + </p> + <p> + Comparing its domain, where noise is banned, + </p> + <p> + To the infernal racket that takes place + </p> + <p> + On land? + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + While up above the billows rage and roar + </p> + <p> + And make a most unnecessary noise, + </p> + <p> + And shallow Shrimps, who live too near the shore, + </p> + <p> + Are harassed by the shouts of girls and boys, + </p> + <p> + Who find the beach a place convenient for + </p> + <p> + Their toys, + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The happy members of the Fishy clan + </p> + <p> + Pursue in peace their various pursuits, + </p> + <p> + All undisturbed by bell of muffin-man, + </p> + <p> + Or bellow of purveyor of fresh fruits, + </p> + <p> + Who at each "Pub" his voice republican + </p> + <p> + Recruits. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The harmless Herring gambols with his young, + </p> + <p> + And heeds but hears not their impulsive play. + </p> + <p> + (His heart is with their mother who was flung, + </p> + <p> + Kippered to feed a clerk's bank-holiday, + </p> + <p> + Into the salting-tub and passed unsung + </p> + <p> + Away.) + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Now, had this Herring been of human breed, + </p> + <p> + And lived in London or some other town, + </p> + <p> + Fate would have made him <i>hear</i> as well as heed + </p> + <p> + His offspring as it gambolled up and down, + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0009" id="linkimage-0009"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/037m.jpg" alt="037m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/037.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + Making a noise that's very hard indeed + </p> + <p> + To drown. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Moreover, organ-grinders would have ground, + </p> + <p> + And yowls from both "employed" and "unemployed"; + </p> + <p> + Hoarse howls from those who had "salvation" found, + </p> + <p> + And bawls from those whose faith had been destroyed, + </p> + <p> + Would have combined to keep his sense of sound + </p> + <p> + Annoyed. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Who would not therefore rather be a Whale, + </p> + <p> + A Hake, a Haddock, or a Mackerel, + </p> + <p> + Than linger in this sad uncertain vale + </p> + <p> + (Here where men sit and hear each other yell)? + </p> + <p> + Better to go, if other places fail, + </p> + <p> + To ——— + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0007" id="link2H_4_0007"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + DIRGE FOR DEFEATED CANDIDATES + </h2> + <p class="pfirst"> + <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>HE dreadful Dragon + and the Unicorn, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Accustomed to be treated with respect, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + And much annoyed by present-day neglect, + </p> + <p> + Have sometimes wished they never had been born, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + At least in any world so "unselect." + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Their non-existence being now a "fact" + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Accepted by mankind's majority, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + They naturally feel quite "up a tree." + </p> + <p> + They don't know what to do to counteract + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + These damned delusions of Democracy. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Although they often walk out in the sun, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + And show themselves in all important streets, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Although in fact they have their "regular beats," + </p> + <p> + They're hardly ever seen by any one, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + And get no notice in the "daily sheets." + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Although as signs they hang on various inns, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + They find themselves irrevocably "out." + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0010" id="linkimage-0010"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/040m.jpg" alt="040m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/040.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + In vain they prance and caracole about, + </p> + <p> + Even the tribute of "derisive grins" + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Is now denied them in their final rout. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Mere non-belief in his existence may + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Seem, to one emptying a festive flagon + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + In the interior of the "Wasp and Wagon," + </p> + <p> + A very trifling matter any way. + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + But it is most annoying to the Dragon. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The subject may appear beneath contempt + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + To one who holds the world's applause in scorn, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Preferring in a cloister to adorn + </p> + <p> + "Illumined scrolls in heavenly colours dreamt," + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + But it is galling to the Unicorn. + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0008" id="link2H_4_0008"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + POEM FOR THE PROUD + </h2> + <p class="pfirst"> + <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">S</span>EEN in the mirror + of the poet's dream, + </p> + <p> + (Exclusively reserved for the "elect"), + </p> + <p> + Each animal supplies us with a theme + </p> + <p> + For wondering-admiration and respect. + </p> + <p> + Thus, to those men who truly modest seem + </p> + <p> + Compare + </p> + <p> + The Hare. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The Bee performs all sorts of useful things + </p> + <p> + When she is gathering honey for the hive, + </p> + <p> + She fertilises flowers and plants, and brings + </p> + <p> + Food to keep necessary Drones alive. + </p> + <p> + Unless annoyed she very seldom stings, + </p> + <p> + Dear me! + </p> + <p> + The Bee. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The Dove extols and cherishes his mate, + </p> + <p> + And coos and woos all through the summer day. + </p> + <p> + H is life is blamelessly immaculate, + </p> + <p> + And though his wings enable him to stray, + </p> + <p> + He seldom does. He never comes home late. + </p> + <p> + By Jove! + </p> + <p> + The Dove. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The Crow displays a splendid scorn of pelf, + </p> + <p> + Backed by invulnerable self-restraint. + </p> + <p> + All specious arts he lays upon the shelf, + </p> + <p> + And, being free from every primal taint, + </p> + <p> + He keeps himself entirely to himself. + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0011" id="linkimage-0011"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/044m.jpg" alt="044m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/044.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + Bravo + </p> + <p> + The Crow! + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The Stork <i>compels</i> our admiration, he + </p> + <p> + Will stand for several hours in the same place + </p> + <p> + And on one leg, instead of two (or three), + </p> + <p> + Thus practising economy of space. + </p> + <p> + A grand example of stability! + </p> + <p> + Oh Lork! + </p> + <p> + The Stork. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The self-repressive Cod, on his own beat, + </p> + <p> + Swims in elaborately-studied curves. + </p> + <p> + He keeps below, not wishing to compete + </p> + <p> + With surface-swimming fishes, though his nerves + </p> + <p> + Are sometimes tried by lack of air, and heat. + </p> + <p> + Good God! + </p> + <p> + The Cod. + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0009" id="link2H_4_0009"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + SONG FOR SIDLERS + </h2> + <p class="pfirst"> + <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>HE Crab walks + sideways, not because his build + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Precludes the possibility of walking straight, + </p> + <p> + And not (as some have thought) that he is filled + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + With strange and lawless theories on gait; + </p> + <p> + Still less that he is foolishly self-willed + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + And prone to show off or exaggerate. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + No serious student of his life and ways + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Will venture to impugn his common sense; + </p> + <p> + His tact and moderation win high praise + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Even from those whose faculties are dense + </p> + <p> + And blind to the false issues which they raise + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + When they accuse him of malevolence. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + "But, ah!" these shallow hide-bound pedants cry, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + "If to the Crab all virtues you concede, + </p> + <p> + If his intentions are not evil, why + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + This sidelong walk, + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0012" id="linkimage-0012"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/047m.jpg" alt="047m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/047.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p class="indent5"> + These flanking steps that lead + </p> + <p> + To no advancement of Humanity, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + No exaltation of the mortal breed? + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + "Why not go forward as the Sword-fish goes? + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Or move straight backward, like the jibbing Horse + </p> + <p> + Why this absurd and pitiable pose + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + That takes delight in any devious course? + </p> + <p> + Why this dislike to 'following the nose' + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Which all the best authorities endorse?" + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Insensate fools. Swims not the Cod in curves? + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Does not the running Roebuck leap and bound + </p> + <p> + If in his flight the Capercailzie swerves, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Shall he be mocked by every Basset-hound + </p> + <p> + Who, having neither feathers, wings, nor nerves, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Has not the pluck to rise up from the ground? + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Peace, peace, the Crab adopts a side-long walk, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + For reasons still impossible to see. + </p> + <p> + And if his pride permitted him to talk + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + To any one who did not do as he, + </p> + <p> + His instinct would be, probably, to balk + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The hopes of vulgar curiosity. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + And while the schoolmen argue and discuss, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + And fill the air with "whats," and "whens," and "whys," + </p> + <p> + And demonstrate as: thus, and thus, and thus, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The crab will pulverise their theories, + </p> + <p> + And put an end to all this foolish fuss + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + By walking sideways into Paradise. + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0010" id="link2H_4_0010"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + FRAGMENT FOR PHILOSOPHERS + </h2> + <p class="pfirst"> + <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>N the abysses of + the ocean deeps, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Fathoms removed from men and mortal strife, + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0013" id="linkimage-0013"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/050m.jpg" alt="050m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/050.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + The unexpectant Oyster smiles and sleeps + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Through the calm cycle of his peaceful life. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + What though above his head the steamboat plies, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + And close at hand he hears the fume and fuss + </p> + <p> + Of the impetuous Halibut that flies + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The mad embraces of the Octopus. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Though the fierce tails of Whales like flails descend + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Upon the water lashed to furious foam, + </p> + <p> + And the Sea-serpents writhe and twist and bend + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + All round the purlieus of his ocean home, + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + He still preserves his philosophic calm, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + His high detachment from material things, + </p> + <p> + And lays to his untroubled soul the balm + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Of that contentment oft denied to kings. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Not far off, on the shore, men fume and fret, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + And prowl and howl and postulate and preach, + </p> + <p> + The Baby bellows in the bassinet, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + And the Salvation Army on the beach. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The unsuccessful "Artist" of the "Halls" + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Has blacked his face with cork, and now he sings + </p> + <p> + Of moons and coons and comic funerals + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0014" id="linkimage-0014"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/052m.jpg" alt="052m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/052.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p class="indent5"> + And the enchantment that the cake-walk brings. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + And on the pier the "milingtary band" + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Poisons the air with beastly brazen sound, + </p> + <p> + While cockney couples wander hand in hand, + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0015" id="linkimage-0015"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/053m.jpg" alt="053m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/053.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p class="indent5"> + And dismal tourists tour, + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0016" id="linkimage-0016"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:65%;"> + <img src="images/054m.jpg" alt="054m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/054.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + And bounders bound. + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + And donkey-boys allure to donkey rides + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + The sitters on the sand beside the sea, + </p> + <p> + And touts sell "guides" to all the town provides, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + From theatres to "painless dentistry." + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + To all this noise the Oyster lends no ear, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Partly because he has no ear to lend, + </p> + <p> + Partly because he hates to interfere, + </p> + <p class="indent5"> + Chiefly because these rhymes must have an end. + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /><br /> + </p> + + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0017" id="linkimage-0017"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:15%;"> + <img src="images/056m.jpg" alt="056m " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/056.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h4> + <div style="height: 6em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Placid Pug and Other Rhymes, by +(AKA The Belgian Hare) Alfred Douglas + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PLACID PUG AND OTHER RHYMES *** + +***** This file should be named 45292-h.htm or 45292-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/4/5/2/9/45292/ + +Produced by David Widger from page images generously +provided by The Internet Archive + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the 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+1,1435 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Placid Pug and Other Rhymes, by +(AKA The Belgian Hare) Alfred Douglas + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Placid Pug and Other Rhymes + +Author: (AKA The Belgian Hare) Alfred Douglas + +Illustrator: P. P. + +Release Date: April 1, 2014 [EBook #45292] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PLACID PUG AND OTHER RHYMES *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger from page images generously +provided by The Internet Archive + + + + + + + +THE PLACID PUG AND OTHER RHYMES + +By (The Belgian Hare) Lord Alfred Douglas + +Author of "Tails with a twist" and "The Duke of Berwick" + +Illustrated by P. P. + +1906 + + +[Illustration: 008] + +[Illustration: 010] + + + + +THE PLACID PUG + + +|THE placid Pug that paces in the Park, + +`Harnessed in silk and led by leathern lead, + +Lives his dull life, and recks not of the Shark + +`In distant waters. Lapped in sloth and greed, + +He fails in strenuous life to make a mark, + +The placid Pug that paces in the park.= + + + +Round the slow circle of his nights and days + +`His life revolves in calm monotony. + +Not unsusceptible to casual praise, + +`And mildly moved by the approach of "tea," + +No forked and jagged lightning leaps and plays + +Round the slow circle of his nights and days.= + + + +He scarcely turns his round protuberant eyes, + +`To mark the mood of animals or men. + +His joy is limited to mild surmise + +`When a new biscuit swims into his ken. + +And when athwart his gaze a Rabbit flies, + +He scarcely turns his round protuberant eyes.= + + + +And all the while the Shark in Southern seas + +[Illustration: 013] + +`Pursues the paths of his pulsating quest, + +Though the thermometer at fierce degrees + +`Might well admonish him to take a rest, + +The Pug at home snores in ignoble ease. + +(And all the while the Shark in Southern seas!)= + + + +If Pugs like Sharks were brought up in the sea + +`And forced to swim long miles to find their food, + +Tutored to front the Hake's hostility, + +`And beard the Lobster in his dangerous mood, + +Would not their lives more sane, more useful be, + +If Pugs like Sharks were brought up in the sea?= + + + +The placid Pug still paces in the park, + +`Untouched by thoughts of all that might have been. + +Undreaming that he might have "steered his bark" + +`Through many a stirring sight and stormy scene. + +But being born a Pug and not a Shark + +The placid Pug still paces in the park.= + + + + +BALLAD FOR BISHOPS + + +|BISHOPS and others who inhabit + +The mansions of the blest on earth, + +[Illustration: 015] + +Grieved by decline of infant birth, + +Have drawn attention to the rabbit. + +Not by design these good men work + +To raise that beast to heights contested, + +But by comparison, suggested, + +With those who procreation shirk.= + + + +For if a nation's moral status + +Be measured by prolific habit, + +Between man and the meanest rabbit + +There is an evident hiatus.= + + + +Each year, by lowest computations, + +Six times the rabbit rears her young, + +And frequent marriages among + +The very closest blood relations + +In very tender years ensure + +A constant stream of "little strangers," + +Who, quickly grown to gallant rangers, + +See that their families endure.= + + + +Not theirs to shirk paternal cares, + +Moved by considerations sordid, + +A child can always "be afforded"; + +The same applies to Belgian hares.= + + + +These noble brutes, pure Duty's pendants, + +May live to see their blood vermilion + +Coursing through something like a billion + +Wholly legitimate descendants.= + + + +Knowledge's path is hard and stony, + +And some may read who unaware are + +That rabbit brown and Belgian hare are + +Both members of the genus Coney.= + + + +The common hare, who lives in fields + +And never goes into a hole, + +(In this inferior to the mole) + +In all things to the Belgian yields.= + + + +He will, immoral brute, decline + +To multiply domestic "pledges," + +The family he rears in hedges + +Is often limited to nine.= + + + +Such shocking want of _savoir faire_, + +(Surely a symptom of insanity) + +Might goad a Bishop to profanity + +Were it not for the Belgian hare.= + + + + +SONG FOR VINTNERS + + +|THE Lion laps the limpid lake, + +`The Pard refuses wine, + +The sinuous Lizard and the Snake, + +`The petulant Porcupine, + +Agree in this, their thirst to quench + +Only with Nature's natural "drench."= + + + +In vain with beer you tempt the Deer, + +`Or lure the Marmozet; + +The early morning Chanticleer, + +`The painted Parroquet, + +Alike, on claret and champagne + +Gaze with unfaltering disdain.= + + + +No ale or spirit tempts the Ferret, + +`No juice of grape the Toad. + +[Illustration: 022] + +In vain towards the "Harp and Merit" + +`The patient Ox you goad; + +Not his in rapture to extol + +The praises of the flowing bowl.= + + + +The silent Spider laughs at cider, + +`The Horse despises port; + +The Crocodile (whose mouth is wider + +`Than any other sort) + +Prefers the waters of the Nile + +To any of a stronger style.= + + + +The Rabbit knows no "private bar," + +`The Pelican will wander + +Through arid plains of Kandahar, + +`Nor ever pause to ponder + +Whether in that infernal clime + +The clocks converge to "closing time."= + + + +True "bona-fide traveller" + +`Urging no sophist plea, + +How terrible must seem to her + +`Man's inebriety; + +She who in thirsty moments places + +Her simple trust in green oases.= + + + +With what calm scorn the Unicorn, + +`In his remote retreat, + +Must contemplate the fervour born + +`Of old "Chateau Lafitte." + +Conceive the feelings of the Sphinx + +Confronted with Columbian drinks!= + + + +And oh! if all this solemn truth + +`Were dinned into its mind + +From earliest years, might not our youth + +`Regenerate mankind, + +Aspire to climb the Heights, and dare + +To emulate the Belgian hare?= + + + + +HYMN FOR HUMBLE PEOPLE + + +|THE staunch and strenuous Serpent spends his time + +`In the safe field of serpentine pursuits, + +Rightly considering it a social crime + +`To parody the ways of other brutes.= + + + +Scorning the fraud of alien aspirations, + +`The snobbishness that apes another class, + +Proud, and yet conscious of his limitations, + +`He bites the dust and grovels in the grass.= + + + +The moral food that keeps him down is Force, + +`Force to confine his fancies to their beds. + +[Illustration: 028] + +Makes him the laughing-stock of quadrupeds.= + + + +No weak attempt to carol like the Lark, + +`Fore-doomed to failure and to ridicule, + +Troubles his life; he does not wish to bark, + +`Has no desire to amble like a Mule.= + + + +Having no legs he does not try to walk, + +`But keeps contentedly his native crawl; + +Having no voice he does not strive to talk, + +`Much less to bellow or to caterwaul.= + + + +Mark the inevitably reached result: + +`To balance the advantages he missed, + +In three departments he may yet exult + +`To be the only perfect specialist.= + + + +Three arts are his: to writhe, to hiss, to creep. + +`The Toad's tenacity, the Wombat's wiles, + +Or the keen cunning of the crafty Sheep + +`(And all are artists in their various styles),= + + + +Would vainly challenge them. He reigns supreme + +`In these the fields of his activity, + +And reigning so defies the envious Bream, + +`Who sneers and shrugs and sniggers in the sea.= + + + +Type of the wise, who roar but never foam + +`(If they can help it) at the mouth, except + +When night and morn they brush their teeth at home + +`With pallid powder for that purpose kept.= + + + + +VERSICLES FOR VEGETARIANS + + +|SINCE Dr. Watts in frenzy fine + +`Extolled the "busy Bee," + +The patience of the Porcupine, + +`The Newt's fidelity, + +The calm contentment of the Pike, + +Have stirred our hearts and brain alike.= + + + +Lives there a man so lost, so low, + +`That he has never found + +Some lesson in the Buffalo, + +`Some precept in the Hound? + +Few who have won Victoria's cross + +Owe _nothing_ to the Albatross.= + + + +These pleasant thoughts must turn our minds, + +`In meditation quiet, + +Towards the moral law that binds + +`The principles of diet. + +Since 'tis a maxim none disputes, + +That we should imitate the brutes.= + + + +As has been shown in former verse, + +`The animal creation + +Does not in its own nature nurse + +`Inebriate inclination; + +Nor is it formed by Heaven to pant + +For alcoholic stimulant.= + + + +That being so, our path is plain, + +`We must eschew all drinks; + +If we are anxious to attain + +`To the celestial brinks, + +The meanest Hippopotamus + +Will make our duty clear to us.= + + + +But in the search for Natural guides + +`To moral food-restrictions, + +We are assaulted on all sides + +`By patent contradictions. + +Thus, while the Lion lives on meat, + +The Pheasant is content with wheat.= + + + +Who then, when beasts do not agree, + +`Shall venture to decide? + +[Illustration: 033] + +Some will adopt the Chimpanzee + +[Illustration: 034] + +`And some the Fox as guide, + +Others the Bear or Antelope, + +Nature allows the fullest scope.= + + + + +HYMN FOR HOWLERS + + +|WHO that has sailed upon the ocean's face, + +`Or walked beside the sea along the sand, + +Has not felt envy for the piscine race, + +Comparing its domain, where noise is banned, + +To the infernal racket that takes place + +On land?= + + + +While up above the billows rage and roar + +And make a most unnecessary noise, + +And shallow Shrimps, who live too near the shore, + +Are harassed by the shouts of girls and boys, + +Who find the beach a place convenient for + +Their toys,= + + + +The happy members of the Fishy clan + +Pursue in peace their various pursuits, + +All undisturbed by bell of muffin-man, + +Or bellow of purveyor of fresh fruits, + +Who at each "Pub" his voice republican + +Recruits.= + + + +The harmless Herring gambols with his young, + +And heeds but hears not their impulsive play. + +(His heart is with their mother who was flung, + +Kippered to feed a clerk's bank-holiday, + +Into the salting-tub and passed unsung + +Away.)= + + + +Now, had this Herring been of human breed, + +And lived in London or some other town, + +Fate would have made him _hear_ as well as heed + +His offspring as it gambolled up and down, + +[Illustration: 037] + +Making a noise that's very hard indeed + +To drown.= + + + +Moreover, organ-grinders would have ground, + +And yowls from both "employed" and "unemployed"; + +Hoarse howls from those who had "salvation" found, + +And bawls from those whose faith had been destroyed, + +Would have combined to keep his sense of sound + +Annoyed.= + + + +Who would not therefore rather be a Whale, + +A Hake, a Haddock, or a Mackerel, + +Than linger in this sad uncertain vale + +(Here where men sit and hear each other yell)? + +Better to go, if other places fail, + +To ------ + + + + +DIRGE FOR DEFEATED CANDIDATES + + +|THE dreadful Dragon and the Unicorn, + +`Accustomed to be treated with respect, + +`And much annoyed by present-day neglect, + +Have sometimes wished they never had been born, + +`At least in any world so "unselect."= + + + +Their non-existence being now a "fact" + +`Accepted by mankind's majority, + +`They naturally feel quite "up a tree." + +They don't know what to do to counteract + +`These damned delusions of Democracy.= + + + +Although they often walk out in the sun, + +`And show themselves in all important streets, + +`Although in fact they have their "regular beats," + +They're hardly ever seen by any one, + +`And get no notice in the "daily sheets."= + + + +Although as signs they hang on various inns, + +`They find themselves irrevocably "out."= + + + +[Illustration: 040] + +In vain they prance and caracole about, + +Even the tribute of "derisive grins" + +`Is now denied them in their final rout.= + + + +Mere non-belief in his existence may + +`Seem, to one emptying a festive flagon + +`In the interior of the "Wasp and Wagon," + +A very trifling matter any way. + +`But it is most annoying to the Dragon.= + + + +The subject may appear beneath contempt + +`To one who holds the world's applause in scorn, + +`Preferring in a cloister to adorn + +"Illumined scrolls in heavenly colours dreamt," + +`But it is galling to the Unicorn. + + + + +POEM FOR THE PROUD + + +|SEEN in the mirror of the poet's dream, + +(Exclusively reserved for the "elect"), + +Each animal supplies us with a theme + +For wondering-admiration and respect. + +Thus, to those men who truly modest seem + +Compare + +The Hare.= + + + +The Bee performs all sorts of useful things + +When she is gathering honey for the hive, + +She fertilises flowers and plants, and brings + +Food to keep necessary Drones alive. + +Unless annoyed she very seldom stings, + +Dear me! + +The Bee.= + + + +The Dove extols and cherishes his mate, + +And coos and woos all through the summer day. + +H is life is blamelessly immaculate, + +And though his wings enable him to stray, + +He seldom does. He never comes home late. + +By Jove! + +The Dove.= + + + +The Crow displays a splendid scorn of pelf, + +Backed by invulnerable self-restraint. + +All specious arts he lays upon the shelf, + +And, being free from every primal taint, + +He keeps himself entirely to himself. + +[Illustration: 044] + +Bravo + +The Crow!= + + + +The Stork _compels_ our admiration, he + +Will stand for several hours in the same place + +And on one leg, instead of two (or three), + +Thus practising economy of space. + +A grand example of stability! + +Oh Lork! + +The Stork.= + + + +The self-repressive Cod, on his own beat, + +Swims in elaborately-studied curves. + +He keeps below, not wishing to compete + +With surface-swimming fishes, though his nerves + +Are sometimes tried by lack of air, and heat. + +Good God! + +The Cod.= + + + + +SONG FOR SIDLERS + + +|THE Crab walks sideways, not because his build + +`Precludes the possibility of walking straight, + +And not (as some have thought) that he is filled + +`With strange and lawless theories on gait; + +Still less that he is foolishly self-willed + +`And prone to show off or exaggerate.= + + + +No serious student of his life and ways + +`Will venture to impugn his common sense; + +His tact and moderation win high praise + +`Even from those whose faculties are dense + +And blind to the false issues which they raise + +`When they accuse him of malevolence.= + + + +"But, ah!" these shallow hide-bound pedants cry, + +`"If to the Crab all virtues you concede, + +If his intentions are not evil, why + +`This sidelong walk, + +[Illustration: 047] + +`These flanking steps that lead + +To no advancement of Humanity, + +`No exaltation of the mortal breed?= + + + +"Why not go forward as the Sword-fish goes? + +`Or move straight backward, like the jibbing Horse + +Why this absurd and pitiable pose + +`That takes delight in any devious course? + +Why this dislike to 'following the nose' + +`Which all the best authorities endorse?"= + + + +Insensate fools. Swims not the Cod in curves? + +`Does not the running Roebuck leap and bound + +If in his flight the Capercailzie swerves, + +`Shall he be mocked by every Basset-hound + +Who, having neither feathers, wings, nor nerves, + +`Has not the pluck to rise up from the ground?= + + + +Peace, peace, the Crab adopts a side-long walk, + +`For reasons still impossible to see. + +And if his pride permitted him to talk + +`To any one who did not do as he, + +His instinct would be, probably, to balk + +`The hopes of vulgar curiosity.= + + + +And while the schoolmen argue and discuss, + +`And fill the air with "whats," and "whens," and "whys," + +And demonstrate as: thus, and thus, and thus, + +`The crab will pulverise their theories, + +And put an end to all this foolish fuss + +`By walking sideways into Paradise. + + + + +FRAGMENT FOR PHILOSOPHERS + + +|IN the abysses of the ocean deeps, + +`Fathoms removed from men and mortal strife, + +[Illustration: 050] + +The unexpectant Oyster smiles and sleeps + +`Through the calm cycle of his peaceful life.= + + + +What though above his head the steamboat plies, + +`And close at hand he hears the fume and fuss + +Of the impetuous Halibut that flies + +`The mad embraces of the Octopus.= + + + +Though the fierce tails of Whales like flails descend + +`Upon the water lashed to furious foam, + +And the Sea-serpents writhe and twist and bend + +`All round the purlieus of his ocean home,= + + + +He still preserves his philosophic calm, + +`His high detachment from material things, + +And lays to his untroubled soul the balm + +`Of that contentment oft denied to kings.= + + + +Not far off, on the shore, men fume and fret, + +`And prowl and howl and postulate and preach, + +The Baby bellows in the bassinet, + +`And the Salvation Army on the beach.= + + + +The unsuccessful "Artist" of the "Halls" + +`Has blacked his face with cork, and now he sings + +Of moons and coons and comic funerals + +[Illustration: 052] + +`And the enchantment that the cake-walk brings.= + + + +And on the pier the "milingtary band" + +`Poisons the air with beastly brazen sound, + +While cockney couples wander hand in hand, + +[Illustration: 053] + +`And dismal tourists tour, + +[Illustration: 054] + +And bounders bound.= + + + +And donkey-boys allure to donkey rides + +`The sitters on the sand beside the sea, + +And touts sell "guides" to all the town provides, + +`From theatres to "painless dentistry."= + + + +To all this noise the Oyster lends no ear, + +`Partly because he has no ear to lend, + +Partly because he hates to interfere, + +`Chiefly because these rhymes must have an end.= + + + +[Illustration: 056] + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Placid Pug and Other Rhymes, by +(AKA The Belgian Hare) Alfred Douglas + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PLACID PUG AND OTHER RHYMES *** + +***** This file should be named 45292.txt or 45292.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/4/5/2/9/45292/ + +Produced by David Widger from page images generously +provided by The Internet Archive + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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