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+Project Gutenberg's Etext of Tracks of a Rolling Stone, by Coke
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+Tracks of a Rolling Stone
+
+by Henry J. Coke
+
+March, 1996  [Etext #497]
+
+
+Project Gutenberg's Etext of Tracks of a Rolling Stone, by Coke
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+
+Tracks of a Rolling Stone by Henry J. Coke
+Scanned and proofed by David Price 
+ccx074@coventry.ac.uk
+Second proofing by Margaret Price 
+
+
+
+
+
+Tracks of a Rolling Stone
+
+
+
+
+PREFACE TO SECOND EDITION.
+
+
+THE First Edition of this book was written, from beginning to 
+end, in the short space of five months, without the aid of 
+diary or notes, beyond those cited as such from a former 
+work.
+
+The Author, having no expectation that his reminiscences 
+would be received with the kind indulgence of which this 
+Second Edition is the proof, with diffidence ventured to tell 
+so many tales connected with his own unimportant life as he 
+has done.  Emboldened by the reception his 'Tracks' have met 
+with, he now adds a few stories which he trusts may further 
+amuse its readers.
+
+June 1905.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I
+
+
+
+WE know more of the early days of the Pyramids or of ancient 
+Babylon than we do of our own.  The Stone age, the dragons of 
+the prime, are not more remote from us than is our earliest 
+childhood.  It is not so long ago for any of us; and yet, our 
+memories of it are but veiled spectres wandering in the mazes 
+of some foregone existence.
+
+Are we really trailing clouds of glory from afar?  Or are our 
+'forgettings' of the outer Eden only?  Or, setting poetry 
+aside, are they perhaps the quickening germs of all past 
+heredity - an epitome of our race and its descent?  At any 
+rate THEN, if ever, our lives are such stuff as dreams are 
+made of.  There is no connected story of events, thoughts, 
+acts, or feelings.  We try in vain to re-collect; but the 
+secrets of the grave are not more inviolable, - for the 
+beginnings, like the endings, of life are lost in darkness.
+
+It is very difficult to affix a date to any relic of that dim 
+past.  We may have a distinct remembrance of some pleasure, 
+some pain, some fright, some accident, but the vivid does not 
+help us to chronicle with accuracy.  A year or two makes a 
+vast difference in our ability.  We can remember well enough 
+when we donned the 'CAUDA VIRILIS,' but not when we left off 
+petticoats.
+
+The first remembrance to which I can correctly tack a date is 
+the death of George IV.  I was between three and four years 
+old.  My recollection of the fact is perfectly distinct - 
+distinct by its association with other facts, then far more 
+weighty to me than the death of a king.
+
+I was watching with rapture, for the first time, the spinning 
+of a peg-top by one of the grooms in the stable yard, when 
+the coachman, who had just driven my mother home, announced 
+the historic news.  In a few minutes four or five servants - 
+maids and men - came running to the stables to learn 
+particulars, and the peg-top, to my sorrow, had to be 
+abandoned for gossip and flirtation.  We were a long way from 
+street criers - indeed, quite out of town.  My father's house 
+was in Kensington, a little further west than the present 
+museum.  It was completely surrounded by fields and hedges.  
+I mention the fact merely to show to what age definite memory 
+can be authentically assigned.  Doubtless we have much 
+earlier remembrances, though we must reckon these by days, or 
+by months at the outside.  The relativity of the reckoning 
+would seem to make Time indeed a 'Form of Thought.'
+
+Two or three reminiscences of my childhood have stuck to me; 
+some of them on account of their comicality.  I was taken to 
+a children's ball at St. James's Palace.  In my mind's eye I 
+have but one distinct vision of it.  I cannot see the crowd - 
+there was nothing to distinguish that from what I have so 
+often seen since; nor the court dresses, nor the soldiers 
+even, who always attract a child's attention in the streets; 
+but I see a raised dais on which were two thrones.  William 
+IV. sat on one, Queen Adelaide on the other.  I cannot say 
+whether we were marched past in turn, or how I came there.  
+But I remember the look of the king in his naval uniform.  I 
+remember his white kerseymere breeches, and pink silk 
+stockings, and buckled shoes.  He took me between his knees, 
+and asked, 'Well, what are you going to be, my little man?'
+
+'A sailor,' said I, with brazen simplicity.
+
+'Going to avenge the death of Nelson - eh?  Fond o' sugar-
+plums?'
+
+'Ye-es,' said I, taking a mental inventory of stars and 
+anchor buttons.
+
+Upon this, he fetched from the depths of his waistcoat pocket 
+a capacious gold box, and opened it with a tap, as though he 
+were about to offer me a pinch of snuff.  'There's for you,' 
+said he.
+
+I helped myself, unawed by the situation, and with my small 
+fist clutching the bonbons, was passed on to Queen Adelaide.  
+She gave me a kiss, for form's sake, I thought; and I 
+scuttled back to my mother.
+
+But here followed the shocking part of the ENFANT TERRIBLE'S 
+adventure.  Not quite sure of Her Majesty's identity - I had 
+never heard there was a Queen - I naively asked my mother, in 
+a very audible stage-whisper, 'Who is the old lady with - ?'  
+My mother dragged me off the instant she had made her 
+curtsey.  She had a quick sense of humour; and, judging from 
+her laughter, when she told her story to another lady in the 
+supper room, I fancied I had said or done something very 
+funny.  I was rather disconcerted at being seriously 
+admonished, and told I must never again comment upon the 
+breath of ladies who condescended to kiss, or to speak to, 
+me.
+
+While we lived at Kensington, Lord Anglesey used often to pay 
+my mother a visit.  She had told me the story of the battle 
+of Waterloo, in which my Uncle George - 6th Lord Albemarle - 
+had taken part; and related how Lord Anglesey had lost a leg 
+there, and how one of his legs was made of cork.  Lord 
+Anglesey was a great dandy.  The cut of the Paget hat was an 
+heirloom for the next generation or two, and the gallant 
+Marquis' boots and tightly-strapped trousers were patterns of 
+polish and precision.  The limp was perceptible; but of which 
+leg, was, in spite of careful investigation, beyond my 
+diagnosis.  His presence provoked my curiosity, till one fine 
+day it became too strong for resistance.  While he was busily 
+engaged in conversation with my mother, I, watching for the 
+chance, sidled up to his chair, and as soon as he looked 
+away, rammed my heel on to his toes.  They were his toes.  
+And considering the jump and the oath which instantly 
+responded to my test, I am persuaded they were abnormally 
+tender ones.  They might have been made of corns, certainly 
+not of cork.
+
+Another discovery I made about this period was, for me at 
+least, a 'record':  it happened at Quidenham - my grandfather 
+the 4th Lord Albemarle's place.
+
+Some excursion was afoot, which needed an early breakfast.  
+When this was half over, one married couple were missing.  My 
+grandfather called me to him (I was playing with another 
+small boy in one of the window bays).  'Go and tell Lady 
+Maria, with my love,' said he, 'that we shall start in half 
+an hour.  Stop, stop a minute.  Be sure you knock at the 
+door.'  I obeyed orders - I knocked at the door, but failed 
+to wait for an answer.  I entered without it.  And what did I 
+behold?  Lady Maria was still in bed; and by the side of Lady 
+M. was, very naturally, Lady M.'s husband, also in bed and 
+fast asleep.  At first I could hardly believe my senses.  It 
+was within the range of my experience that boys of my age 
+occasionally slept in the same bed.  But that a grown up man 
+should sleep in the same bed with his wife was quite beyond 
+my notion of the fitness of things.  I was so staggered, so 
+long in taking in this astounding novelty, that I could not 
+at first deliver my grandfathers message.  The moment I had 
+done so, I rushed back to the breakfast room, and in a loud 
+voice proclaimed to the company what I had seen.  My tale 
+produced all the effect I had anticipated, but mainly in the 
+shape of amusement.  One wag - my uncle Henry Keppel - asked 
+for details, gravely declaring he could hardly credit my 
+statement.  Every one, however, seemed convinced by the 
+circumstantial nature of my evidence when I positively 
+asserted that their heads were not even at opposite ends of 
+the bed, but side by side upon the same pillow.
+
+A still greater soldier than Lord Anglesey used to come to 
+Holkham every year, a great favourite of my father's; this 
+was Lord Lynedoch.  My earliest recollections of him owe 
+their vividness to three accidents - in the logical sense of 
+the term:  his silky milk-white locks, his Spanish servant 
+who wore earrings - and whom, by the way, I used to confound 
+with Courvoisier, often there at the same time with his 
+master Lord William Russell, for the murder of whom he was 
+hanged, as all the world knows - and his fox terrier Nettle, 
+which, as a special favour, I was allowed to feed with 
+Abernethy biscuits.
+
+He was at Longford, my present home, on a visit to my father 
+in 1835, when, one evening after dinner, the two old 
+gentlemen - no one else being present but myself - sitting in 
+armchairs over the fire, finishing their bottle of port, Lord 
+Lynedoch told the wonderful story of his adventures during 
+the siege of Mantua by the French, in 1796.  For brevity's 
+sake, it were better perhaps to give the outline in the words 
+of Alison.  'It was high time the Imperialists should advance 
+to the relief of this fortress, which was now reduced to the 
+last extremity from want of provisions.  At a council of war 
+held in the end of December, it was decided that it was 
+indispensable that instant intelligence should be sent to 
+Alvinzi of their desperate situation.  An English officer, 
+attached to the garrison, volunteered to perform the perilous 
+mission, which he executed with equal courage and success.  
+He set out, disguised as a peasant, from Mantua on December 
+29, at nightfall in the midst of a deep fall of snow, eluded 
+the vigilance of the French patrols, and, after surmounting a 
+thousand hardships and dangers, arrived at the headquarters 
+of Alvinzi, at Bassano, on January 4, the day after the 
+conferences at Vicenza were broken up.
+
+'Great destinies awaited this enterprising officer.  He was 
+Colonel Graham, afterwards victor at Barrosa, and the first 
+British general who planted the English standard on the soil 
+of France.'
+
+This bare skeleton of the event was endued 'with sense and 
+soul' by the narrator.  The 'hardships and dangers' thrilled 
+one's young nerves.  Their two salient features were ice 
+perils, and the no less imminent one of being captured and 
+shot as a spy.  The crossing of the rivers stands out 
+prominently in my recollection.  All the bridges were of 
+course guarded, and he had two at least within the enemy's 
+lines to get over - those of the Mincio and of the Adige.  
+Probably the lagunes surrounding the invested fortress would 
+be his worst difficulty.  The Adige he described as beset 
+with a two-fold risk - the avoidance of the bridges, which 
+courted suspicion, and the thin ice and only partially frozen 
+river, which had to be traversed in the dark.  The vigour, 
+the zest with which the wiry veteran 'shoulder'd his crutch 
+and show'd how fields were won' was not a thing to be 
+forgotten.
+
+Lord Lynedoch lived to a great age, and it was from his house 
+at Cardington, in Bedfordshire, that my brother Leicester 
+married his first wife, Miss Whitbread, in 1843.  That was 
+the last time I saw him.
+
+Perhaps the following is not out of place here, although it 
+is connected with more serious thoughts:
+
+Though neither my father nor my mother were more pious than 
+their neighbours, we children were brought up religiously.  
+From infancy we were taught to repeat night and morning the 
+Lord's Prayer, and invoke blessings on our parents.  It was 
+instilled into us by constant repetition that God did not 
+love naughty children - our naughtiness being for the most 
+part the original sin of disobedience, rooted in the love of 
+forbidden fruit in all its forms of allurement.  Moses 
+himself could not have believed more faithfully in the direct 
+and immediate intervention of an avenging God.  The pain in 
+one's stomach incident to unripe gooseberries, no less than 
+the consequent black dose, or the personal chastisement of a 
+responsible and apprehensive nurse, were but the just 
+visitations of an offended Deity.
+
+Whether my religious proclivities were more pronounced than 
+those of other children I cannot say, but certainly, as a 
+child, I was in the habit of appealing to Omnipotence to 
+gratify every ardent desire.
+
+There were peacocks in the pleasure grounds at Holkham, and I 
+had an aesthetic love for their gorgeous plumes.  As I hunted 
+under and amongst the shrubs, I secretly prayed that my 
+search might be rewarded.  Nor had I a doubt, when 
+successful, that my prayer had been granted by a beneficent 
+Providence.
+
+Let no one smile at this infantine credulity, for is it not 
+the basis of that religious trust which helps so many of us 
+to support the sorrows to which our stoicism is unequal?  Who 
+that might be tempted thoughtlessly to laugh at the child 
+does not sometimes sustain the hope of finding his 'plumes' 
+by appeals akin to those of his childhood?  Which of us could 
+not quote a hundred instances of such a soothing delusion - 
+if delusion it be?  I speak not of saints, but of sinners:  
+of the countless hosts who aspire to this world's happiness; 
+of the dying who would live, of the suffering who would die, 
+of the poor who would be rich, of the aggrieved who seek 
+vengeance, of the ugly who would be beautiful, of the old who 
+would appear young, of the guilty who would not be found out, 
+and of the lover who would possess.  Ah! the lover.  Here 
+possibility is a negligible element.  Consequences are of no 
+consequence.  Passion must be served.  When could a miracle 
+be more pertinent?
+
+It is just fifty years ago now; it was during the Indian 
+Mutiny.  A lady friend of mine did me the honour to make me 
+her confidant.  She paid the same compliment to many - most 
+of her friends; and the friends (as is their wont) confided 
+in one another.  Poor thing! her case was a sad one.  Whose 
+case is not?  She was, by her own account, in the forty-
+second year of her virginity; and it may be added, 
+parenthetically, an honest fourteen stone in weight.
+
+She was in love with a hero of Lucknow.  It cannot be said 
+that she knew him only by his well-earned fame.  She had seen 
+him, had even sat by him at dinner.  He was young, he was 
+handsome.  It was love at sight, accentuated by much 
+meditation - 'obsessions [peradventure] des images 
+genetiques.'  She told me (and her other confidants, of 
+course) that she prayed day and night that this distinguished 
+officer, this handsome officer, might return her passion.  
+And her letters to me (and to other confidants) invariably 
+ended with the entreaty that I (and her other, &c.) would 
+offer up a similar prayer on her behalf.  Alas! poor soul, 
+poor body!  I should say, the distinguished officer, together 
+with the invoked Providence, remained equally insensible to 
+her supplications.  The lady rests in peace.  The soldier, 
+though a veteran, still exults in war.
+
+But why do I cite this single instance?  Are there not 
+millions of such entreaties addressed to Heaven on this, and 
+on every day?  What difference is there, in spirit, between 
+them and the child's prayer for his feather?  Is there 
+anything great or small in the eye of Omniscience?  Or is it 
+not our thinking only that makes it so?
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II
+
+
+
+SOON after I was seven years old, I went to what was then, 
+and is still, one of the most favoured of preparatory schools 
+- Temple Grove - at East Sheen, then kept by Dr. Pinkney.  I 
+was taken thither from Holkham by a great friend of my 
+father's, General Sir Ronald Ferguson, whose statue now 
+adorns one of the niches in the facade of Wellington College.  
+The school contained about 120 boys; but I cannot name any 
+one of the lot who afterwards achieved distinction.  There 
+were three Macaulays there, nephews of the historian - Aulay, 
+Kenneth, and Hector.  But I have lost sight of all.
+
+Temple Grove was a typical private school of that period.  
+The type is familiar to everyone in its photograph as 
+Dotheboys Hall.  The progress of the last century in many 
+directions is great indeed; but in few is it greater than in 
+the comfort and the cleanliness of our modern schools.  The 
+luxury enjoyed by the present boy is a constant source of 
+astonishment to us grandfathers.  We were half starved, we 
+were exceedingly dirty, we were systematically bullied, and 
+we were flogged and caned as though the master's pleasure was 
+in inverse ratio to ours.  The inscription on the threshold 
+should have been 'Cave canem.'
+
+We began our day as at Dotheboys Hall with two large 
+spoonfuls of sulphur and treacle.  After an hour's lessons we 
+breakfasted on one bowl of milk - 'Skyblue' we called it - 
+and one hunch of buttered bread, unbuttered at discretion.  
+Our dinner began with pudding - generally rice - to save the 
+butcher's bill.  Then mutton - which was quite capable of 
+taking care of itself.  Our only other meal was a basin of 
+'Skyblue' and bread as before.
+
+As to cleanliness, I never had a bath, never bathed (at the 
+school) during the two years I was there.  On Saturday 
+nights, before bed, our feet were washed by the housemaids, 
+in tubs round which half a dozen of us sat at a time.  Woe to 
+the last comers! for the water was never changed.  How we 
+survived the food, or rather the want of it, is a marvel.  
+Fortunately for me, I used to discover, when I got into bed, 
+a thickly buttered crust under my pillow.  I believed, I 
+never quite made sure, (for the act was not admissible), that 
+my good fairy was a fiery-haired lassie (we called her 
+'Carrots,' though I had my doubts as to this being her 
+Christian name) who hailed from Norfolk.  I see her now:  her 
+jolly, round, shining face, her extensive mouth, her ample 
+person.  I recall, with more pleasure than I then endured, 
+the cordial hugs she surreptitiously bestowed upon me when we 
+met by accident in the passages.  Kind, affectionate 
+'Carrots'!  Thy heart was as bounteous as thy bosom.  May the 
+tenderness of both have met with their earthly deserts; and 
+mayest thou have shared to the full the pleasures thou wast 
+ever ready to impart!
+
+There were no railways in those times.  It amuses me to see 
+people nowadays travelling by coach, for pleasure.  How many 
+lives must have been shortened by long winter journeys in 
+those horrible coaches.  The inside passengers were hardly 
+better off than the outside.  The corpulent and heavy 
+occupied the scanty space allotted to the weak and small - 
+crushed them, slept on them, snored over them, and 
+monopolised the straw which was supposed to keep their feet 
+warm.
+
+A pachydermatous old lady would insist upon an open window.  
+A wheezy consumptive invalid would insist on a closed one.  
+Everybody's legs were in their own, and in every other 
+body's, way.  So that when the distance was great and time 
+precious, people avoided coaching, and remained where they 
+were.
+
+For this reason, if a short holiday was given - less than a 
+week say - Norfolk was too far off; and I was not permitted 
+to spend it at Holkham.  I generally went to Charles Fox's at 
+Addison Road, or to Holland House.  Lord Holland was a great 
+friend of my father's; but, if Creevey is to be trusted - 
+which, as a rule, my recollection of him would permit me to 
+doubt, though perhaps not in this instance - Lord Holland did 
+not go to Holkham because of my father's dislike to Lady 
+Holland.
+
+I speak here of my introduction to Holland House, for 
+although Lady Holland was then in the zenith of her 
+ascendency, (it was she who was the Cabinet Minister, not her 
+too amiable husband,) although Holland House was then the 
+resort of all the potentates of Whig statecraft, and Whig 
+literature, and Whig wit, in the persons of Lord Grey, 
+Brougham, Jeffrey, Macaulay, Sydney Smith, and others, it was 
+not till eight or ten years later that I knew, when I met 
+them there, who and what her Ladyship's brilliant satellites 
+were.  I shall not return to Lady Holland, so I will say a 
+parting word of her forthwith.
+
+The woman who corresponded with Buonaparte, and consoled the 
+prisoner of St. Helena with black currant jam, was no 
+ordinary personage.  Most people, I fancy, were afraid of 
+her.  Her stature, her voice, her beard, were obtrusive marks 
+of her masculine attributes.  It is questionable whether her 
+amity or her enmity was most to be dreaded.  She liked those 
+best whom she could most easily tyrannise over.  Those in the 
+other category might possibly keep aloof.  For my part I 
+feared her patronage.  I remember when I was about seventeen 
+- a self-conscious hobbledehoy - Mr. Ellice took me to one of 
+her large receptions.  She received her guests from a sort of 
+elevated dais.  When I came up - very shy - to make my 
+salute, she asked me how old I was.  'Seventeen,' was the 
+answer.  'That means next birthday,' she grunted.  'Come and 
+give me a kiss, my dear.'  I, a man! - a man whose voice was 
+(sometimes) as gruff as hers! - a man who was beginning to 
+shave for a moustache!  Oh! the indignity of it!
+
+But it was not Lady Holland, or her court, that concerned me 
+in my school days, it was Holland Park, or the extensive 
+grounds about Charles Fox's house (there were no other houses 
+at Addison Road then), that I loved to roam in.  It was the 
+birds'-nesting; it was the golden carp I used to fish for on 
+the sly with a pin; the shying at the swans, the hunt for 
+cockchafers, the freedom of mischief generally, and the 
+excellent food - which I was so much in need of - that made 
+the holiday delightful.
+
+Some years later, when dining at Holland House, I happened to 
+sit near the hostess.  It was a large dinner party.  Lord 
+Holland, in his bath-chair (he nearly always had the gout), 
+sat at the far end of the table a long way off.  But my lady 
+kept an eye on him, for she had caught him drinking 
+champagne.  She beckoned to the groom of the chambers, who 
+stood behind her; and in a gruff and angry voice shouted:  
+'Go to my Lord.  Take away his wine, and tell him if he 
+drinks any more you have my orders to wheel him into the next 
+room.'  If this was a joke it was certainly a practical one.  
+And yet affection was behind it.  There's a tender place in 
+every heart.
+
+Like all despots, she was subject to fits of cowardice - 
+especially, it was said, with regard to a future state, which 
+she professed to disbelieve in.  Mr. Ellice told me that 
+once, in some country house, while a fearful storm was 
+raging, and the claps of thunder made the windows rattle, 
+Lady Holland was so terrified that she changed dresses with 
+her maid, and hid herself in the cellar.  Whether the story 
+be a calumny or not, it is at least characteristic.
+
+After all, it was mainly due to her that Holland House became 
+the focus of all that was brilliant in Europe.  In the 
+memoirs of her father - Sydney Smith - Mrs. Austin writes:  
+'The world has rarely seen, and will rarely, if ever, see 
+again all that was to be found within the walls of Holland 
+House.  Genius and merit, in whatever rank of life, became a 
+passport there; and all that was choicest and rarest in 
+Europe seemed attracted to that spot as their natural soil.'
+
+Did we learn much at Temple Grove?  Let others answer for 
+themselves.  Acquaintance with the classics was the staple of 
+a liberal education in those times.  Temple Grove was the 
+ATRIUM to Eton, and gerund-grinding was its RAISON D'ETRE.  
+Before I was nine years old I daresay I could repeat - 
+parrot, that is - several hundreds of lines of the AEneid.  
+This, and some elementary arithmetic, geography, and drawing, 
+which last I took to kindly, were dearly paid for by many 
+tears, and by temporarily impaired health.  It was due to my 
+pallid cheeks that I was removed.  It was due to the 
+following six months - summer months - of a happy life that 
+my health was completely restored.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III
+
+
+
+MR. EDWARD ELLICE, who constantly figures in the memoirs of 
+the last century as 'Bear Ellice' (an outrageous misnomer, by 
+the way), and who later on married my mother, was the chief 
+controller of my youthful destiny.  His first wife was a 
+sister of the Lord Grey of Reform Bill fame, in whose 
+Government he filled the office of War Minister.  In many 
+respects Mr. Ellice was a notable man.  He possessed shrewd 
+intelligence, much force of character, and an autocratic 
+spirit - to which he owed his sobriquet.  His kindness of 
+heart, his powers of conversation, with striking personality 
+and ample wealth, combined to make him popular.  His house in 
+Arlington Street, and his shooting lodge at Glen Quoich, were 
+famous for the number of eminent men who were his frequent 
+guests.
+
+Mr. Ellice's position as a minister, and his habitual 
+residence in Paris, had brought him in touch with the leading 
+statesmen of France.  He was intimately acquainted with Louis 
+Philippe, with Talleyrand, with Guizot, with Thiers, and most 
+of the French men and French women whose names were bruited 
+in the early part of the nineteenth century.
+
+When I was taken from Temple Grove, I was placed, by the 
+advice and arrangement of Mr. Ellice, under the charge of a 
+French family, which had fallen into decay - through the 
+change of dynasty.  The Marquis de Coubrier had been Master 
+of the Horse to Charles X.  His widow - an old lady between 
+seventy and eighty - with three maiden daughters, all 
+advanced in years, lived upon the remnant of their estates in 
+a small village called Larue, close to Bourg-la-Reine, which, 
+it may be remembered, was occupied by the Prussians during 
+the siege of Paris.  There was a chateau, the former seat of 
+the family; and, adjoining it, in the same grounds, a pretty 
+and commodious cottage.  The first was let as a country house 
+to some wealthy Parisians; the cottage was occupied by the 
+Marquise and her three daughters.
+
+The personal appearances of each of these four elderly 
+ladies, their distinct idiosyncrasies, and their former high 
+position as members of a now moribund nobility, left a 
+lasting impression on my memory.  One might expect, perhaps, 
+from such a prelude, to find in the old Marquise traces of 
+stately demeanour, or a regretted superiority.  Nothing of 
+the kind.  She herself was a short, square-built woman, with 
+large head and strong features, framed in a mob cap, with a 
+broad frill which flopped over her tortoise-shell spectacles.  
+She wore a black bombazine gown, and list slippers.  When in 
+the garden, where she was always busy in the summer-time, she 
+put on wooden sabots over her slippers.
+
+Despite this homely exterior, she herself was a 'lady' in 
+every sense of the word.  Her manner was dignified and 
+courteous to everyone.  To her daughters and to myself she 
+was gentle and affectionate.  Her voice was sympathetic, 
+almost musical.  I never saw her temper ruffled.  I never 
+heard her allude to her antecedents.
+
+The daughters were as unlike their mother as they were to one 
+another.  Adele, the eldest, was very stout, with a profusion 
+of grey ringlets.  She spoke English fluently.  I gathered, 
+from her mysterious nods and tosses of the head, (to be sure, 
+her head wagged a little of its own accord, the ringlets too, 
+like lambs' tails,) that she had had an AFFAIRE DE COEUR with 
+an Englishman, and that the perfidious islander had removed 
+from the Continent with her misplaced affections.  She was a 
+trifle bitter, I thought - for I applied her insinuations to 
+myself - against Englishmen generally.  But, though cynical 
+in theory, she was perfectly amiable in practice.  She 
+superintended the menage and spent the rest of her life in 
+making paper flowers.  I should hardly have known they were 
+flowers, never having seen their prototypes in nature.  She 
+assured me, however, that they were beautiful copies - 
+undoubtedly she believed them to be so.
+
+Henriette, the youngest, had been the beauty of the family.  
+This I had to take her own word for, since here again there 
+was much room for imagination and faith.  She was a confirmed 
+invalid, and, poor thing! showed every symptom of it.  She 
+rarely left her room except for meals; and although it was 
+summer when I was there, she never moved without her 
+chauffrette.  She seemed to live for the sake of patent 
+medicines and her chauffrette; she was always swallowing the 
+one, and feeding the other.
+
+The middle daughter was Aglae.  Mademoiselle Aglae took 
+charge - I may say, possession - of me.  She was tall, gaunt, 
+and bony, with a sharp aquiline nose, pomegranate cheek-
+bones, and large saffron teeth ever much in evidence.  Her 
+speciality, as I soon discovered, was sentiment.  Like her 
+sisters, she had had her 'affaires' in the plural.  A Greek 
+prince, so far as I could make out, was the last of her 
+adorers.  But I sometimes got into scrapes by mixing up the 
+Greek prince with a Polish count, and then confounding either 
+one or both with a Hungarian pianoforte player.
+
+Without formulating my deductions, I came instinctively to 
+the conclusion that 'En fait d'amour,' as Figaro puts it, 
+'trop n'est pas meme assez.'  From Miss Aglae's point of view 
+a lover was a lover.  As to the superiority of one over 
+another, this was - nay, is - purely subjective.  'We receive 
+but what we give.'  And, from what Mademoiselle then told me, 
+I cannot but infer that she had given without stint.
+
+Be that as it may, nothing could be more kind than her care 
+of me.  She tucked me up at night, and used to send for me in 
+the morning before she rose, to partake of her CAFE-AU-LAIT.  
+In return for her indulgences, I would 'make eyes' such as I 
+had seen Auguste, the young man-servant, cast at Rose the 
+cook.  I would present her with little scraps which I copied 
+in roundhand from a volume of French poems.  Once I drew, and 
+coloured with red ink, two hearts pierced with an arrow, a 
+copious pool of red ink beneath, emblematic of both the 
+quality and quantity of my passion.  This work of art 
+produced so deep a sigh that I abstained thenceforth from 
+repeating such sanguinary endearments.
+
+Not the least interesting part of the family was the 
+servants.  I say 'family,' for a French family, unlike an 
+English one, includes its domestics; wherein our neighbours 
+have the advantage over us.  In the British establishment the 
+household is but too often thought of and treated as 
+furniture.  I was as fond of Rose the cook and maid-of-all-
+work as I was of anyone in the house.  She showed me how to 
+peel potatoes, break eggs, and make POT-AU-FEU.  She made me 
+little delicacies in pastry - swans with split almonds for 
+wings, comic little pigs with cloves in their eyes - for all 
+of which my affection and my liver duly acknowledged receipt 
+in full.  She taught me more provincial pronunciation and bad 
+grammar than ever I could unlearn.  She was very intelligent, 
+and radiant with good humour.  One peculiarity especially 
+took my fancy - the yellow bandana in which she enveloped her 
+head.  I was always wondering whether she was born without 
+hair - there was none to be seen.  This puzzled me so that 
+one day I consulted Auguste, who was my chief companion.  He 
+was quite indignant, and declared with warmth that Mam'selle 
+Rose had the most beautiful hair he had ever beheld.  He 
+flushed even with enthusiasm.  If it hadn't been for his 
+manner, I should have asked him how he knew.  But somehow I 
+felt the subject was a delicate one.
+
+How incessantly they worked, Auguste and Rose, and how 
+cheerfully they worked!  One could hear her singing, and him 
+whistling, at it all day.  Yet they seemed to have abundant 
+leisure to exchange a deal of pleasantry and harmless banter.  
+Auguste was a Swiss, and a bigoted Protestant, and never lost 
+an opportunity of holding forth on the superiority of the 
+reformed religion.  If he thought the family were out of 
+hearing, he would grow very animated and declamatory.  But 
+Rose, who also had hopes, though perhaps faint, for my 
+salvation, would suddenly rush into the room with the carpet 
+broom, and drive him out, with threats of Miss Aglae, and the 
+broomstick.
+
+The gardener, Monsieur Benoit, was also a great favourite of 
+mine, and I of his, for I was never tired of listening to his 
+wonderful adventures.  He had, so he informed me, been a 
+soldier in the GRANDE ARMEE.  He enthralled me with hair-
+raising accounts of his exploits:  how, when leading a 
+storming party - he was always the leader - one dark and 
+terrible night, the vivid and incessant lightning betrayed 
+them by the flashing of their bayonets; and how in a few 
+minutes they were mowed down by MITRAILLE.  He had led 
+forlorn hopes, and performed deeds of astounding prowess.  
+How many Life-guardsmen he had annihilated:  'Ah! ben oui!' 
+he was afraid to say.  He had been personally noticed by 'Le 
+p'tit caporal.'  There were many, whose deeds were not to 
+compare with his, who had been made princes and mareschals.  
+PARBLEU! but his luck was bad.  'Pas d'chance! pas d'chance!  
+Mo'sieu Henri.'  As Monsieur Benoit recorded his feats, and 
+witnessed my unbounded admiration, his voice would grow more 
+and more sepulchral, till it dropped to a hoarse and scarcely 
+audible whisper.
+
+I was a little bewildered one day when, having breathlessly 
+repeated some of his heroic deeds to the Marquise, she with a 
+quiet smile assured me that 'ce petit bon-homme,' as she 
+called him, had for a short time been a drummer in the 
+National Guard, but had never been a soldier.  This was a 
+blow to me; moreover, I was troubled by the composure of the 
+Marquise.  Monsieur Benoit had actually been telling me what 
+was not true.  Was it, then, possible that grown-up people 
+acquired the privilege of fibbing with impunity?  I wondered 
+whether this right would eventually become mine!
+
+At Bourg-la-Reine there is, or was, a large school.  Three 
+days in the week I had to join one of the classes there; on 
+the other three one of the ushers came up to Larue for a 
+couple of hours of private tuition.  At the school itself I 
+did not learn very much, except that boys everywhere are 
+pretty similar, especially in the badness of their manners.  
+I also learnt that shrugging the shoulders while exhibiting 
+the palms of the hands, and smiting oneself vehemently on the 
+chest, are indispensable elements of the French idiom.  The 
+indiscriminate use of the word 'parfaitement' I also noticed 
+to be essential when at a loss for either language or ideas, 
+and have made valuable use of it ever since.
+
+Monsieur Vincent, my tutor, was a most good-natured and 
+patient teacher.  I incline, however, to think that I taught 
+him more English than he taught me French.  He certainly 
+worked hard at his lessons.  He read English aloud to me, and 
+made me correct his pronunciation.  The mental agony this 
+caused me makes me hot to think of still.  I had never heard 
+his kind of Franco-English before.  To my ignorance it was 
+the most comic language in the world.  There were some words 
+which, in spite of my endeavours, he persisted in pronouncing 
+in his own way.  I have since got quite used to the most of 
+them, and their only effect is to remind me of my own rash 
+ventures in a foreign tongue.  There are one or two words 
+which recall the pain it gave me to control my emotions.  He 
+would produce his penknife, for instance; and, contemplating 
+it with a despondent air, would declare it to be the most 
+difficult word in the English language to pronounce.  'Ow you 
+say 'im?'  'Penknife,' I explained.  He would bid me write it 
+down; then having spelt it, he would, with much effort, and a 
+sound like sneezing - oh! the pain I endured! - slowly repeat 
+'Penkneef.'  I gave it up at last; and he was gratified with 
+his success.  As my explosion generally occurred about five 
+minutes afterwards, Monsieur Vincent failed to connect cause 
+and effect.  When we parted he gave me a neatly bound copy of 
+La Bruyere as a prize - for his own proficiency, I presume.  
+Many a pleasant half-hour have I since spent with the witty 
+classic.
+
+Except the controversial harangues of the zealot Auguste, my 
+religious teaching was neglected on week days.  On Sundays, 
+if fine, I was taken to a Protestant church in Paris; not 
+infrequently to the Embassy.  I did not enjoy this at all.  I 
+could have done very well without it.  I liked the drive, 
+which took about an hour each way.  Occasionally Aglae and I 
+went in the Bourg-la-Reine coucou.  But Mr. Ellice had 
+arranged that a carriage should be hired for me.  Probably he 
+was not unmindful of the convenience of the old ladies.  They 
+were not.  The carriage was always filled.  Even Mademoiselle 
+Henriette managed to go sometimes - aided by a little patent 
+medicine, and when it was too hot for the chauffrette.  If 
+she was unable, a friend in the neighbourhood was offered a 
+seat; and I had to sit bodkin, or on Mademoiselle Aglae's 
+lap.  I hated the 'friend'; for, secretly, I felt the 
+carriage was mine, though of course I never had the bad taste 
+to say so.
+
+They went to Mass, and I was allowed to go with them, in 
+addition to my church, as a special favour.  I liked the 
+music, the display of candles, the smell of the incense, and 
+the dresses of the priests; and wondered whether when 
+undressed - unrobed, that is - they were funny old gentlemen 
+like Monsieur le Cure at Larue, and took such a prodigious 
+quantity of snuff up their noses and under their finger-
+nails.  The ladies did a good deal of shopping, and we 
+finished off at the Flower Market by the Madeleine, where I, 
+through the agency of Mademoiselle Aglae, bought plants for 
+'Maman.'  This gave 'Maman' UN PLAISIR INOUI, and me too; for 
+the dear old lady always presented me with a stick of barley-
+sugar in return.  As I never possessed a sou (Miss Aglae kept 
+account of all my expenses and disbursements) I was strongly 
+in favour of buying plants for 'Maman.'
+
+I loved the garden.  It was such a beautiful garden; so 
+beautifully kept by Monsieur Benoit, and withered old Mere 
+Michele, who did the weeding and helped Rose once a week in 
+the laundry.  There were such pretty trellises, covered with 
+roses and clematis; such masses of bright flowers and sweet 
+mignonette; such tidy gravel walks and clipped box edges; 
+such floods of sunshine; so many butterflies and lizards 
+basking in it; the birds singing with excess of joy.  I used 
+to fancy they sang in gratitude to the dear old Marquise, who 
+never forgot them in the winter snows.
+
+What a quaint but charming picture she was amidst this 
+quietude, - she who had lived through the Reign of Terror:  
+her mob cap, garden apron, and big gloves; a trowel in one 
+hand, a watering-pot in the other; potting and unpotting; so 
+busy, seemingly so happy.  She loved to have me with her, and 
+let me do the watering.  What a pleasure that was!  The 
+scores of little jets from the perforated rose, the gushing 
+sound, the freshness and the sparkle, the gratitude of the 
+plants, to say nothing of one's own wet legs.  'Maman' did 
+not approve of my watering my own legs.  But if the watering-
+pot was too big for me how could I help it?  By and by a 
+small one painted red within and green outside was discovered 
+in Bourg-la-Reine, and I was happy ever afterwards.
+
+Much of my time was spent with the children and nurses of the 
+family which occupied the chateau.  The costume of the head 
+nurse with her high Normandy cap (would that I had a female 
+pen for details) invariably suggested to me that she would 
+make any English showman's fortune, if he could only exhibit 
+her stuffed.  At the cottage they called her 'La Grosse 
+Normande.'  Not knowing her by any other name, I always so 
+addressed her.  She was not very quick-witted, but I think 
+she a little resented my familiarity, and retaliated by 
+comparisons between her compatriots and mine, always in a 
+tone derogatory to the latter.  She informed me as a matter 
+of history, patent to all nurses, that the English race were 
+notoriously bow-legged; and that this was due to the vicious 
+practice of allowing children to use their legs before the 
+gristle had become bone.  Being of an inquiring turn of mind, 
+I listened with awe to this physiological revelation, and 
+with chastened and depressed spirits made a mental note of 
+our national calamity.  Privately I fancied that the mottled 
+and spasmodic legs of Achille - whom she carried in her arms 
+- or at least so much of the infant Pelides' legs as were not 
+enveloped in a napkin, gave every promise of refuting her 
+generalisation.
+
+One of my amusements was to set brick traps for small birds.  
+At Holkham in the winter time, by baiting with a few grains 
+of corn, I and my brothers used, in this way, to capture 
+robins, hedge-sparrows, and tits.  Not far from the chateau 
+was a large osier bed, resorted to by flocks of the common 
+sparrow.  Here I set my traps.  But it being summer time, and 
+(as I complained when twitted with want of success) French 
+birds being too stupid to know what the traps were for, I 
+never caught a feather.  Now this osier bed was a favourite 
+game covert for the sportsmen of the chateau; and what was my 
+delight and astonishment when one morning I found a dead hare 
+with its head under the fallen brick of my trap.  How 
+triumphantly I dragged it home, and showed it to Rose and 
+Auguste, - who more than the rest had 'mocked themselves' of 
+my traps, and then carried it in my arms, all bloody as it 
+was (I could not make out how both its hind legs were broken) 
+into the salon to show it to the old Marquise.  Mademoiselle 
+Henriette, who was there, gave a little scream (for effect) 
+at sight of the blood.  Everybody was pleased.  But when I 
+overheard Rose's SOTTO VOCE to the Marquise:  'Comme ils sont 
+gentils!' I indignantly retorted that 'it wasn't kind of the 
+hare at all:  it was entirely due to my skill in setting the 
+traps.  They would catch anything that put its head into 
+them.  Just you try.'
+
+How severe are the shocks of early disillusionment!  It was 
+not until long after the hare was skinned, roasted, served as 
+CIVET and as PUREE that I discovered the truth.  I was not at 
+all grateful to the gentlemen of the chateau whose dupe I had 
+been; was even wrath with my dear old 'Maman' for treating 
+them with extra courtesy for their kindness to her PETIT 
+CHERI.
+
+That was a happy summer.  After it was ended, and it was time 
+for me to return to England and begin my education for the 
+Navy I never again set eyes on Larue, or that charming nest 
+of old ladies who had done their utmost to spoil me.  Many 
+and many a time have I been to Paris, but nothing could tempt 
+me to visit Larue.  So it is with me.  Often have I 
+questioned the truth of the NESSUN MAGGIOR DOLORE than the 
+memory of happy times in the midst of sorry ones.  The 
+thought of happiness, it would seem, should surely make us 
+happier, and yet - not of happiness for ever lost.  And are 
+not the deepening shades of our declining sun deepened by 
+youth's contrast?  Whatever our sweetest songs may tell us 
+of, we are the sadder for our sweetest memories.  The grass 
+can never be as green again to eyes grown watery.  The lambs 
+that skipped when we did were long since served as mutton.  
+And if
+
+
+Die Fusse tragen mich so muthig nicht empor
+Die hohen Stufen die ich kindisch ubersprang,
+
+
+why, I will take the fact for granted.  My youth is fled, my 
+friends are dead.  The daisies and the snows whiten by turns 
+the grave of him or her - the dearest I have loved.  Shall I 
+make a pilgrimage to that sepulchre?  Drop futile tears upon 
+it?  Will they warm what is no more?  I for one have not the 
+heart for that.  Happily life has something else for us to 
+do.  Happily 'tis best to do it.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV
+
+
+
+THE passage from the romantic to the realistic, from the 
+chimerical to the actual, from the child's poetic 
+interpretation of life to life's practical version of itself, 
+is too gradual to be noticed while the process is going on.  
+It is only in the retrospect we see the change.  There is 
+still, for yet another stage, the same and even greater 
+receptivity, - delight in new experiences, in gratified 
+curiosity, in sensuous enjoyment, in the exercise of growing 
+faculties.  But the belief in the impossible and the bliss of 
+ignorance are seen, when looking back, to have assumed almost 
+abruptly a cruder state of maturer dulness.  Between the 
+public schoolboy and the child there is an essential 
+difference; and this in a boy's case is largely due, I fancy, 
+to the diminished influence of woman, and the increased 
+influence of men.
+
+With me, certainly, the rough usage I was ere long to undergo 
+materially modified my view of things in general.  In 1838, 
+when I was eleven years old, my uncle, Henry Keppel, the 
+future Admiral of the Fleet, but then a dashing young 
+commander, took me (as he mentions in his Autobiography) to 
+the Naval Academy at Gosport.  The very afternoon of my 
+admittance - as an illustration of the above remarks - I had 
+three fights with three different boys.  After that the 'new 
+boy' was left to his own devices, - QUA 'new boy,' that is; 
+as an ordinary small boy, I had my share.  I have spoken of 
+the starvation at Dr. Pinkney's; here it was the terrible 
+bullying that left its impress on me - literally its mark, 
+for I still bear the scar upon my hand.
+
+Most boys, I presume, know the toy called a whirligig, made 
+by stringing a button on a loop of thread, the twisting and 
+untwisting of which by approaching and separating the hands 
+causes the button to revolve.  Upon this design, and by 
+substituting a jagged disk of slate for the button, the 
+senior 'Bull-dogs' (we were all called 'Burney's bull-dogs') 
+constructed a very simple instrument of torture.  One big boy 
+spun the whirligig, while another held the small boy's palm 
+till the sharp slate-edge gashed it.  The wound was severe.  
+For many years a long white cicatrice recorded the fact in my 
+right hand.  The ordeal was, I fancy, unique - a prerogative 
+of the naval 'bull-dogs.'  The other torture was, in those 
+days, not unknown to public schools.  It was to hold a boy's 
+back and breech as near to a hot fire as his clothes would 
+bear without burning.  I have an indistinct recollection of a 
+boy at one of our largest public schools being thus exposed, 
+and left tied to chairs while his companions were at church.  
+When church was over the boy was found - roasted.
+
+By the advice of a chum I submitted to the scorching without 
+a howl, and thus obtained immunity, and admission to the 
+roasting guild for the future.  What, however, served me 
+best, in all matters of this kind, was that as soon as I was 
+twelve years old my name was entered on the books of the 
+'Britannia,' then flag-ship in Portsmouth Harbour, and though 
+I remained at the Academy, I always wore the uniform of a 
+volunteer of the first class, now called a naval cadet.  The 
+uniform was respected, and the wearer shared the benefit.
+
+During the winter of 1839-40 I joined H.M.S. 'Blonde,' a 46-
+gun frigate commanded by Captain Bouchier, afterwards Sir 
+Thomas, whose portrait is now in the National Portrait 
+Gallery.  He had seen much service, and had been flag-captain 
+to Nelson's Hardy.  In the middle of that winter we sailed 
+for China, where troubles had arisen anent the opium trade.
+
+What would the cadet of the present day think of the 
+treatment we small boys had to put up with sixty or seventy 
+years ago?  Promotion depended almost entirely on interest.  
+The service was entered at twelve or thirteen.  After two 
+years at sea, if the boy passed his examination, he mounted 
+the white patch, and became a midshipman.  At the end of four 
+years more he had to pass a double examination, - one for 
+seamanship before a board of captains, and another for 
+navigation at the Naval College.  He then became a master's 
+mate, and had to serve for three years as such before he was 
+eligible for promotion to a lieutenancy.  Unless an officer 
+had family interest he often stuck there, and as often had to 
+serve under one more favoured, who was not born when he 
+himself was getting stale.
+
+Naturally enough these old hands were jealous of the 
+fortunate youngsters, and, unless exceptionally amiable, 
+would show them little mercy.
+
+We left Portsmouth in December 1839.  It was bitter winter.  
+The day we sailed, such was the severity of the gale and 
+snowstorm, that we had to put back and anchor at St. Helens 
+in the Isle of Wight.  The next night we were at sea.  It 
+happened to be my middle watch.  I had to turn out of my 
+hammock at twelve to walk the deck till four in the morning.  
+Walk! I could not stand.  Blinded with snow, drenched by the 
+seas, frozen with cold, home sick and sea sick beyond 
+description, my opinion of the Royal Navy - as a profession - 
+was, in the course of these four hours, seriously subverted.  
+Long before the watch ended.  I was reeling about more asleep 
+than awake; every now and then brought to my senses by 
+breaking my shins against the carronade slides; or, if I sat 
+down upon one of them to rest, by a playful whack with a 
+rope's end from one of the crusty old mates aforesaid, who 
+perhaps anticipated in my poor little personality the 
+arrogance of a possible commanding officer.  Oh! those cruel 
+night watches!  But the hard training must have been a useful 
+tonic too.  One got accustomed to it by degrees; and hence, 
+indifferent to exposure, to bad food, to kicks and cuffs, to 
+calls of duty, to subordination, and to all that constitutes 
+discipline.
+
+Luckily for me, the midshipman of my watch, Jack Johnson, was 
+a trump, and a smart officer to boot.  He was six years older 
+than I, and, though thoroughly good-natured, was formidable 
+enough from his strength and determination to have his will 
+respected.  He became my patron and protector.  Rightly, or 
+wrongly I am afraid, he always took my part, made excuses for 
+me to the officer of our watch if I were caught napping under 
+the half-deck, or otherwise neglecting my duty.  Sometimes he 
+would even take the blame for this upon himself, and give me 
+a 'wigging' in private, which was my severest punishment.  He 
+taught me the ropes, and explained the elements of 
+seamanship.  If it was very cold at night he would make me 
+wear his own comforter, and, in short, took care of me in 
+every possible way.  Poor Jack! I never had a better friend; 
+and I loved him then, God knows.  He was one of those whose 
+advancement depended on himself.  I doubt whether he would 
+ever have been promoted but for an accident which I shall 
+speak of presently.
+
+When we got into warm latitudes we were taught not only to 
+knot and splice, but to take in and set the mizzen royal.  
+There were four of us boys, and in all weathers at last we 
+were practised aloft until we were as active and as smart as 
+any of the ship's lads, even in dirty weather or in sudden 
+squalls.
+
+We had a capital naval instructor for lessons in navigation, 
+and the quartermaster of the watch taught us how to handle 
+the wheel and con.
+
+These quartermasters - there was one to each of the three 
+watches - were picked men who had been captains of tops or 
+boatswains' mates.  They were much older than any of the 
+crew.  Our three in the 'Blonde' had all seen service in the 
+French and Spanish wars.  One, a tall, handsome old fellow, 
+had been a smuggler; and many a fight with, or narrow escape 
+from, the coast-guard he had to tell of.  The other two had 
+been badly wounded.  Old Jimmy Bartlett of my watch had a 
+hole in his chest half an inch deep from a boarding pike.  He 
+had also lost a finger, and a bullet had passed through his 
+cheek.  One of his fights was in the 'Amethyst' frigate when, 
+under Sir Michael Seymour, she captured the 'Niemen' in 1809.  
+Often in the calm tropical nights, when the helm could take 
+care of itself almost, he would spin me a yarn about hot 
+actions, cutting-outs, press-gangings, and perils which he 
+had gone through, or - what was all one to me - had invented.
+
+From England to China round the Cape was a long voyage before 
+there was a steamer in the Navy.  It is impossible to 
+describe the charm of one's first acquaintance with tropical 
+vegetation after the tedious monotony unbroken by any event 
+but an occasional flogging or a man overboard.  The islands 
+seemed afloat in an atmosphere of blue; their jungles rooting 
+in the water's edge.  The strange birds in the daytime, the 
+flocks of parrots, the din of every kind of life, the flying 
+foxes at night, the fragrant and spicy odours, captivate the 
+senses.  How delicious, too, the fresh fruits brought off by 
+the Malays in their scooped-out logs, one's first taste of 
+bananas, juicy shaddocks, mangoes, and custard apples - after 
+months of salt junk, disgusting salt pork, and biscuit all 
+dust and weevils.  The water is so crystal-clear it seems as 
+though one could lay one's hands on strange coloured fish and 
+coral beds at any depth.  This, indeed, was 'kissing the lips 
+of unexpected change.'  It was a first kiss moreover.  The 
+tropics now have ceased to remind me even of this spell of 
+novelty and wonder.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V
+
+
+
+THE first time I 'smelt powder' was at Amoy.  The 'Blonde' 
+carried out Lord Palmerston's letter to the Chinese 
+Government.  Never was there a more iniquitous war than 
+England then provoked with China to force upon her the opium 
+trade with India in spite of the harm which the Chinese 
+authorities believed that opium did to their people.
+
+Even Macaulay advocated this shameful imposition.  China had 
+to submit, and pay into the bargain four and a half millions 
+sterling to prove themselves in the wrong.  Part of this went 
+as prize money.  My share of it - the DOUCEUR for a middy's 
+participation in the crime - was exactly 100L.
+
+To return to Amoy.  When off the mouth of the Canton river we 
+had taken on board an interpreter named Thom.  What our 
+instructions were I know not; I can only tell what happened.  
+Our entry into Amoy harbour caused an immediate commotion on 
+land.  As soon as we dropped anchor, about half a mile from 
+the shore, a number of troops, with eight or ten field-
+pieces, took up their position on the beach, evidently 
+resolved to prevent our landing.  We hoisted a flag of truce, 
+at the same time cleared the decks for action, and dropped a 
+kedge astern so as to moor the ship broadside to the forts 
+and invested shore.  The officer of my watch, the late Sir 
+Frederick Nicholson, together with the interpreter, were 
+ordered to land and communicate with the chief mandarin.  To 
+carry out this as inoffensively as possible, Nicholson took 
+the jolly-boat, manned by four lads only.  As it was my 
+watch, I had charge of the boat.  A napkin or towel served 
+for a flag of truce.  But long before we reached the shore, 
+several mandarins came down to the water's edge waving their 
+swords and shouting angrily to warn us off.  Mr. Thom, who 
+understood what they said, was frightened out of his wits, 
+assuring us we should all be sawed in half if we attempted to 
+land.  Sir Frederick was not the man to disobey orders even 
+on such a penalty; he, however, took the precaution - a very 
+wise one as it happened - to reverse the boat, and back her 
+in stern foremost.
+
+No sooner did the keel grate on the shingle than a score of 
+soldiers rushed down to seize us.  Before they could do so we 
+had shoved off.  The shore was very steep.  In a moment we 
+were in deep water, and our lads pulling for dear life.  Then 
+came a storm of bullets from matchlocks and jingals and the 
+bigger guns, fortunately just too high to hit us.  One bullet 
+only struck the back-board, but did no harm.  What, however, 
+seemed a greater danger was the fire from the ship.  Ere we 
+were halfway back broadside after broadside was fired over 
+our heads into the poor devils massed along the beach.  This 
+was kept up until not a living Chinaman was to be seen.
+
+I may mention here a curious instance of cowardice.  One of 
+our men, a ship's painter, soon after the firing began and 
+was returned by the fort's guns, which in truth were quite 
+harmless, jumped overboard and drowned himself.  I have seen 
+men's courage tried under fire, and in many other ways since; 
+yet I have never known but one case similar to this, when a 
+friend of my own, a rich and prosperous man, shot himself to 
+avoid death!  So that there are men like 'Monsieur 
+Grenouille, qui se cachait dans l'eau pour eviter la pluie.'  
+Often have I seen timid and nervous men, who were thought to 
+be cowards, get so excited in action that their timidity has 
+turned to rashness.  In truth 'on est souvent ferme par 
+faiblesse, et audacieux par timidite.'
+
+Partly for this reason, and partly because I look upon it as 
+a remnant of our predatory antecedents and of animal 
+pugnacity, I have no extravagant admiration for mere 
+combativeness or physical courage.  Honoured and rewarded as 
+one of the noblest of manly attributes, it is one of the 
+commonest of qualities, - one which there is not a mammal, a 
+bird, a fish, or an insect even, that does not share with us.  
+Such is the esteem in which it is held, such the ignominy 
+which punishes the want of it, that the most cautious and the 
+most timid by nature will rather face the uncertain risks of 
+a fight than the certain infamy of imputed cowardice.
+
+Is it likely that courage should be rare under such 
+circumstances, especially amongst professional fighters, who 
+in England at least have chosen their trade?  That there are 
+poltroons, and plenty of them, amongst our soldiers and 
+sailors, I do not dispute.  But with the fear of shame on one 
+hand, the hope of reward on the other, the merest dastard 
+will fight like a wild beast, when his blood is up.  The 
+extraordinary merit of his conduct is not so obvious to the 
+peaceful thinker.  I speak not of such heroism as that of the 
+Japanese, - their deeds will henceforth be bracketed with 
+those of Leonidas and his three hundred, who died for a like 
+cause.  With the Japanese, as it was with the Spartans, every 
+man is a patriot; nor is the proportionate force of their 
+barbaric invaders altogether dissimilar.
+
+Is then the Victoria Cross an error?  To say so would be an 
+outrage in this age of militarism.  And what would all the 
+Queens of Beauty think, from Sir Wilfred Ivanhoe's days to 
+ours, if mighty warriors ceased to poke each other in the 
+ribs, and send one another's souls untimely to the 'viewless 
+shades,' for the sake of their 'doux yeux?'  Ah! who knows 
+how many a mutilation, how many a life, has been the price of 
+that requital?  Ye gentle creatures who swoon at the sight of 
+blood, is it not the hero who lets most of it that finds most 
+favour in your eyes?  Possibly it may be to the heroes of 
+moral courage that some distant age will award its choicest 
+decorations.  As it is, the courage that seeks the rewards of 
+Fame seems to me about on a par with the virtue that invests 
+in Heaven.
+
+Though an anachronism as regards this stage of my career, I 
+cannot resist a little episode which pleasantly illustrates 
+moral courage, or chivalry at least, combined with physical 
+bravery.
+
+In December, 1899, I was a passenger on board a Norddeutscher 
+Lloyd on my way to Ceylon.  The steamer was crowded with 
+Germans; there were comparatively few English.  Things had 
+been going very badly with us in the Transvaal, and the 
+telegrams both at Port Said and at Suez supplemented the 
+previous ill-news.  At the latter place we heard of the 
+catastrophe at Magersfontein, of poor Wauchope's death, and 
+of the disaster to the Highland Light Infantry.  The moment 
+it became known the Germans threw their caps into the air, 
+and yelled as if it were they who had defeated us.
+
+Amongst the steerage passengers was a Major - in the English 
+army - returning from leave to rejoin his regiment at 
+Colombo.  If one might judge by his choice of a second-class 
+fare, and by his much worn apparel, he was what one would 
+call a professional soldier.  He was a tall, powerfully-
+built, handsome man, with a weather-beaten determined face, 
+and keen eye.  I was so taken with his looks that I often 
+went to the fore part of the ship on the chance of getting a 
+word with him.  But he was either shy or proud, certainly 
+reserved; and always addressed me as 'Sir,' which was not 
+encouraging.
+
+That same evening, after dinner in the steerage cabin, a 
+German got up and, beginning with some offensive allusions to 
+the British army, proposed the health of General Cronje and 
+the heroic Boers.  This was received with deafening 'Hochs.'  
+To cap the enthusiasm up jumped another German, and proposed 
+'ungluck - bad luck to all Englanders and to their Queen.'  
+This also was cordially toasted.  When the ceremony was ended 
+and silence restored, my reserved friend calmly rose, tapped 
+the table with the handle of his knife (another steerage 
+passenger - an Australian - told me what happened), took his 
+watch from his pocket, and slowly said:  'It is just six 
+minutes to eight.  If the person who proposed the last toast 
+has not made a satisfactory apology to me before the hand of 
+my watch points to the hour, I will thrash him till he does.  
+I am an officer in the English army, and always keep my 
+word.'  A small band of Australians was in the cabin.  One 
+and all of them applauded this laconic speech.  It was 
+probably due in part to these that the offender did not wait 
+till the six minutes had expired.
+
+Next day I congratulated my reserved friend.  He was reticent 
+as usual.  All I could get out of him was, 'I never allow a 
+lady to be insulted in my presence, sir.'  It was his Queen, 
+not his cloth, that had roused the virility in this quiet 
+man.
+
+Let us turn to another aspect of the deeds of war.  About 
+daylight on the morning following our bombardment, it being 
+my morning watch, I was ordered to take the surgeon and 
+assistant surgeon ashore.  There were many corpses, but no 
+living or wounded to be seen.  One object only dwells 
+visually in my memory.
+
+At least a quarter of a mile from the dead soldiers, a stray 
+shell had killed a grey-bearded old man and a young woman.  
+They were side by side.  The woman was still in her teens and 
+pretty.  She lay upon her back.  Blood was oozing from her 
+side.  A swarm of flies were buzzing in and out of her open 
+mouth.  Her little deformed feet, cased in the high-heeled 
+and embroidered tiny shoes, extended far beyond her 
+petticoats.  It was these feet that interested the men of 
+science.  They are now, I believe, in a jar of spirits at 
+Haslar hospital.  At least, my friend the assistant surgeon 
+told me, as we returned to the ship, that that was their 
+ultimate destination.  The mutilated body, as I turned from 
+it with sickening horror, left a picture on my youthful mind 
+not easily to be effaced.
+
+After this we joined the rest of the squadron:  the 
+'Melville' (a three-decker, Sir W. Parker's flagship), the 
+'Blenheim,' the 'Druid,' the 'Calliope,' and several 18-gun 
+brigs.  We took Hong Kong, Chusan, Ningpo, Canton, and 
+returned to take Amoy.  One or two incidents only in the 
+several engagements seem worth recording.
+
+We have all of us supped full with horrors this last year or 
+so, and I have no thought of adding to the surfeit.  But 
+sometimes common accidents appear exceptional, if they befall 
+ourselves, or those with whom we are intimate.  If the 
+sufferer has any special identity, we speculate on his 
+peculiar way of bearing his misfortune; and are thus led on 
+to place ourselves in his position, and imagine ourselves the 
+sufferers.
+
+Major Daniel, the senior marine officer of the 'Blonde,' was 
+a reserved and taciturn man.  He was quiet and gentlemanlike, 
+always very neat in his dress; rather severe, still kind to 
+his men.  His aloofness was in no wise due to lack of ideas, 
+nor, I should say, to pride - unless, perhaps, it were the 
+pride which some men feel in suppressing all emotion by 
+habitual restraint of manner.  Whether his SANGFROID was 
+constitutional, or that nobler kind of courage which feels 
+and masters timidity and the sense of danger, none could 
+tell.  Certain it is he was as calm and self-possessed in 
+action as in repose.  He was so courteous one fancied he 
+would almost have apologised to his foe before he 
+remorselessly ran him through.
+
+On our second visit to Amoy, a year or more after the first, 
+we met with a warmer reception.  The place was much more 
+strongly fortified, and the ship was several-times hulled.  
+We were at very close quarters, as it is necessary to pass 
+under high ground as the harbour is entered.  Those who had 
+the option, excepting our gallant old captain, naturally kept 
+under shelter of the bulwarks and hammock nettings.  Not so 
+Major Daniel.  He stood in the open gangway watching the 
+effect of the shells, as though he were looking at a game of 
+billiards.  While thus occupied a round shot struck him full 
+in the face, and simply left him headless.
+
+Another accident, partly due to an ignorance of dynamics, 
+happened at the taking of Canton.  The whole of the naval 
+brigade was commanded by Sir Thomas Bouchier.  Our men were 
+lying under the ridge of a hill protected from the guns on 
+the city walls.  Fully exposed to the fire, which was pretty 
+hot, 'old Tommy' as we called him, paced to and fro with 
+contemptuous indifference, stopping occasionally to spy the 
+enemy with his long ship's telescope.  A number of 
+bluejackets, in reserve, were stationed about half a mile 
+further off at the bottom of the protecting hill.  They were 
+completely screened from the fire by some buildings of the 
+suburbs abutting upon the slope.  Those in front were 
+watching the cannon-balls which had struck the crest and were 
+rolling as it were by mere force of gravitation down the 
+hillside.  Some jokes were made about football, when suddenly 
+a smart and popular young officer - Fox, first lieutenant of 
+one of the brigs - jumped out at one of these spent balls, 
+which looked as though it might have been picked up by the 
+hands, and gave it a kick.  It took his foot off just above 
+the ankle.  There was no surgeon at hand, and he was bleeding 
+to death before one could be found.  Sir Thomas had come down 
+the hill, and seeing the wounded officer on the ground with a 
+group around him, said in passing, 'Well, Fox, this is a bad 
+job, but it will make up the pair of epaulets, which is 
+something.'
+
+'Yes sir,' said the dying man feebly, 'but without a pair of 
+legs.'  Half an hour later he was dead.
+
+I have spoken lightly of courage, as if, by implication, I 
+myself possessed it.  Let me make a confession.  From my soul 
+I pity the man who is or has been such a miserable coward as 
+I was in my infancy, and up to this youthful period of my 
+life.  No fear of bullets or bayonets could ever equal mine.  
+It was the fear of ghosts.  As a child, I think that at times 
+when shut up for punishment, in a dark cellar for instance, I 
+must have nearly gone out of my mind with this appalling 
+terror.
+
+Once when we were lying just below Whampo, the captain took 
+nearly every officer and nearly the whole ship's crew on a 
+punitive expedition up the Canton river.  They were away 
+about a week.  I was left behind, dangerously ill with fever 
+and ague.  In his absence, Sir Thomas had had me put into his 
+cabin, where I lay quite alone day and night, seeing hardly 
+anyone save the surgeon and the captain's steward, who was 
+himself a shadow, pretty nigh.  Never shall I forget my 
+mental sufferings at night.  In vain may one attempt to 
+describe what one then goes through; only the victims know 
+what that is.  My ghost - the ghost of the Whampo Reach - the 
+ghost of those sultry and miasmal nights, had no shape, no 
+vaporous form; it was nothing but a presence, a vague 
+amorphous dread.  It may have floated with the swollen and 
+putrid corpses which hourly came bobbing down the stream, but 
+it never appeared; for there was nothing to appear.  Still it 
+might appear.  I expected every instant through the night to 
+see it in some inconceivable form.  I expected it to touch 
+me.  It neither stalked upon the deck, nor hovered in the 
+dark, nor moved, nor rested anywhere.  And yet it was there 
+about me, - where, I knew not.  On every side I was 
+threatened.  I feared it most behind the head of my cot, 
+because I could not see it if it were so.
+
+This, it will be said, is the description of a nightmare.  
+Exactly so.  My agony of fright was a nightmare; but a 
+nightmare when every sense was strained with wakefulness, 
+when all the powers of imagination were concentrated to 
+paralyse my shattered reason.
+
+The experience here spoken of is so common in some form or 
+other that we may well pause to consider it.  What is the 
+meaning of this fear of ghosts? - how do we come by it?  It 
+may be thought that its cradle is our own, that we are 
+purposely frightened in early childhood to keep us calm and 
+quiet.  But I do not believe that nurses' stories would 
+excite dread of the unknown if the unknown were not already 
+known.  The susceptibility to this particular terror is there 
+before the terror is created.  A little reflection will 
+convince us that we must look far deeper for the solution of 
+a mystery inseparable from another, which is of the last 
+importance to all of us.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI
+
+
+
+THE belief in phantoms, ghosts, or spirits, has frequently 
+been discussed in connection with speculations on the origin 
+of religion.  According to Mr. Spencer ('Principles of 
+Sociology') 'the first traceable conception of a supernatural 
+being is the conception of a ghost.'  Even Fetichism is 'an 
+extension of the ghost theory.'  The soul of the Fetich 'in 
+common with supernatural agents at large, is originally the 
+double of a dead man.'  How do we get this notion - 'the 
+double of a dead man?'  Through dreams.  In the Old Testament 
+we are told:  'God came to' Abimelech, Laban, Solomon, and 
+others 'in a dream'; also that 'the angel of the Lord' 
+appeared to Joseph 'in a dream.'  That is to say, these men 
+dreamed that God came to them.  So the savage, who dreams of 
+his dead acquaintance, believes he has been visited by the 
+dead man's spirit.  This belief in ghosts is confirmed, Mr. 
+Spencer argues, by other phenomena.  The savage who faints 
+from the effect of a wound sustained in fight looks just like 
+the dead man beside him.  The spirit of the wounded man 
+returns after a long or short period of absence:  why should 
+the spirit of the other not do likewise?  If reanimation 
+follows comatose states, why should it not follow death?  
+Insensibility is but an affair of time.  All the modes of 
+preserving the dead, in the remotest ages, evince the belief 
+in casual separation of body and soul, and of their possible 
+reunion.
+
+Take another theory.  Comte tells us there is a primary 
+tendency in man 'to transfer the sense of his own nature, in 
+the radical explanation of all phenomena whatever.'  Writing 
+in the same key, Schopenhauer calls man 'a metaphysical 
+animal.'  He is speaking of the need man feels of a theory, 
+in regard to the riddle of existence, which forces itself 
+upon his notice; 'a need arising from the consciousness that 
+behind the physical in the world, there is a metaphysical 
+something permanent as the foundation of constant change.'  
+Though not here alluding to the ghost theory, this bears 
+indirectly on the conception, as I shall proceed to show.
+
+We need not entangle ourselves in the vexed question of 
+innate ideas, nor inquire whether the principle of casuality 
+is, as Kant supposed, like space and time, a form of 
+intuition given A PRIORI.  That every change has a cause must 
+necessarily (without being thus formulated) be one of the 
+initial beliefs of conscious beings far lower in the scale 
+than man, whether derived solely from experience or 
+otherwise.  The reed that shakes is obviously shaken by the 
+wind.  But the riddle of the wind also forces itself into 
+notice; and man explains this by transferring to the wind 
+'the sense of his own nature.'  Thunderstorms, volcanic 
+disturbances, ocean waves, running streams, the motions of 
+the heavenly bodies, had to be accounted for as involving 
+change.  And the natural - the primitive - explanation was by 
+reference to life, analogous, if not similar, to our own.  
+Here then, it seems to me, we have the true origin of the 
+belief in ghosts.
+
+Take an illustration which supports this view.  While sitting 
+in my garden the other day a puff of wind blew a lady's 
+parasol across the lawn.  It rolled away close to a dog lying 
+quietly in the sun.  The dog looked at it for a moment, but 
+seeing nothing to account for its movements, barked 
+nervously, put its tail between its legs, and ran away, 
+turning occasionally to watch and again bark, with every sign 
+of fear.
+
+This was animism.  The dog must have accounted for the 
+eccentric behaviour of the parasol by endowing it with an 
+uncanny spirit.  The horse that shies at inanimate objects by 
+the roadside, and will sometimes dash itself against a tree 
+or a wall, is actuated by a similar superstition.  Is there 
+any essential difference between this belief of the dog or 
+horse and the belief of primitive man?  I maintain that an 
+intuitive animistic tendency (which Mr. Spencer repudiates), 
+and not dreams, lies at the root of all spiritualism.  Would 
+Mr. Spencer have had us believe that the dog's fear of the 
+rolling parasol was a logical deduction from its canine 
+dreams?  This would scarcely elucidate the problem.  The dog 
+and the horse share apparently Schopenhauer's metaphysical 
+propensity with man.
+
+The familiar aphorism of Statius:  PRIMUS IN ORBE DEOS FECIT 
+TIMOR, points to the relation of animism first to the belief 
+in ghosts, thence to Polytheism, and ultimately to 
+Monotheism.  I must apologise to those of the transcendental 
+school who, like Max Muller for instance (Introduction to the 
+'Science of Religion'), hold that we have 'a primitive 
+intuition of God'; which, after all, the professor derives, 
+like many others, from the 'yearning for something that 
+neither sense nor reason can supply'; and from the assumption 
+that 'there was in the heart of man from the very first a 
+feeling of incompleteness, of weakness, of dependency, &c.'  
+All this, I take it, is due to the aspirations of a much 
+later creature than the 'Pithecanthropus erectus,' to whom we 
+here refer.
+
+Probably spirits and ghosts were originally of an evil kind.  
+Sir John Lubbock ('The Origin of Civilisation') says:  'The 
+baying of the dog to the moon is as much an act of worship as 
+some ceremonies which have been so described by travellers.'  
+I think he would admit that fear is the origin of the 
+worship.  In his essay on 'Superstition,' Hume writes:  
+'Weakness, fear, melancholy, together with ignorance, are the 
+true sources of superstition.'  Also 'in such a state of 
+mind, infinite unknown evils are dreaded from unknown 
+agents.'
+
+Man's impotence to resist the forces of nature, and their 
+terrible ability to injure him, would inspire a sense of 
+terror; which in turn would give rise to the twofold notion 
+of omnipotence and malignity.  The savage of the present day 
+lives in perpetual fear of evil spirits; and the 
+superstitious dread, which I and most others have suffered, 
+is inherited from our savage ancestry.  How much further back 
+we must seek it may be left to the sage philosophers of the 
+future.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII
+
+
+
+THE next winter we lay for a couple of months off Chinhai, 
+which we had stormed, blockading the mouth of the Ningpo 
+river.  Here, I regret to think, I committed an act which has 
+often haunted my conscience as a crime; although I had 
+frequently promised the captain of a gun a glass of grog to 
+let me have a shot, and was mightily pleased if death and 
+destruction rewarded my aim.
+
+Off Chinhai, lorchers and fast sailing junks laden with 
+merchandise would try to run the blockade before daylight.  
+And it sometimes happened that we youngsters had a long chase 
+in a cutter to overhaul them.  This meant getting back to a 
+nine or ten o'clock breakfast at the end of the morning's 
+watch; equivalent to five or six hours' duty on an empty 
+stomach.
+
+One cold morning I had a hard job to stop a small junk.  The 
+men were sweating at their oars like galley slaves, and 
+muttering curses at the apparent futility of their labour.  I 
+had fired a couple of shots from a 'brown Bess' - the musket 
+of the day - through the fugitive's sails; and fearing 
+punishment if I let her escape, I next aimed at the boat 
+herself.  Down came the mainsail in a crack.  When I boarded 
+our capture, I found I had put a bullet through the thigh of 
+the man at the tiller.  Boys are not much troubled with 
+scruples about bloodguiltiness, and not unfrequently are very 
+cruel, for cruelty as a rule (with exceptions) mostly 
+proceeds from thoughtlessness.  But when I realised what I 
+had done, and heard the wretched man groan, I was seized with 
+remorse for what, at a more hardened stage, I should have 
+excused on the score of duty.
+
+It was during this blockade that the accident, which I have 
+already alluded to, befell my dear protector, Jack Johnson.
+
+One night, during his and my middle watch, the forecastle 
+sentries hailed a large sampan, like a Thames barge, drifting 
+down stream and threatening to foul us.  Sir Frederick 
+Nicholson, the officer of the watch, ordered Johnson to take 
+the cutter and tow her clear.
+
+I begged leave to go with him.  Sir Frederick refused, for he 
+at once suspected mischief.  The sampan was reached and 
+diverted just before she swung athwart our bows.  But 
+scarcely was this achieved, when an explosion took place.  My 
+friend was knocked over, and one or two of the men fell back 
+into the cutter.  This is what had happened:  Johnson finding 
+no one in the sampan, cautiously raised one of the deck 
+hatches with a boat-hook before he left the cutter.  The mine 
+(for such it proved) was so arranged that examination of this 
+kind drew a lighted match on to the magazine, which instantly 
+exploded.
+
+Poor Jack! what was my horror when we got him on board!  
+Every trace of his handsome features was gone.  He was alive, 
+and that seemed to be all.  In a few minutes his head and 
+face swelled so that all was a round black charred ball.  One 
+could hardly see where the eyes were, buried beneath the 
+powder-ingrained and incrusted flesh.
+
+For weeks, at night, I used to sit on a chest near his 
+hammock, listening for his slightest movement, too happy if 
+he called me for something I could get him.  In time he 
+recovered, and was invalided home, and I lost my dear 
+companion and protector.  A couple of years afterwards I had 
+the happiness to dine with him on board another ship in 
+Portsmouth, no longer in the midshipman's berth, but in the 
+wardroom.
+
+Twice during this war, the 'Blonde' was caught in a typhoon.  
+The first time was in waters now famous, but then unknown, 
+the Gulf of Liau-tung, in full sight of China's great wall.  
+We were twenty-four hours battened down, and under storm 
+staysails.  The 'Blenheim,' with Captain Elliott our 
+plenipotentiary on board, was with us, and the one 
+circumstance left in my memory is the sight of a line-of-
+battle ship rolling and pitching so that one caught sight of 
+the whole of her keel from stem to stern as if she had been a 
+fishing smack.  We had been wintering in the Yellow Sea, and 
+at the time I speak of were on a foraging expedition round 
+the Liau-tung peninsula.  Those who have followed the events 
+of the Japanese war will have noticed on the map, not far 
+north of Ta-lien-wan in the Korean Bay, three groups of 
+islands.  So little was the geography of these parts then 
+known, that they had no place on our charts.  On this very 
+occasion, one group was named after Captain Elliott, one was 
+called the Bouchier Islands, and the other the Blonde 
+Islands.  The first surveying of the two latter groups, and 
+the placing of them upon the map, was done by our naval 
+instructor, and he always took me with him as his assistant.
+
+Our second typhoon was while we were at anchor in Hong Kong 
+harbour.  Those who have knowledge only of the gales, however 
+violent, of our latitudes, have no conception of what wind-
+force can mount to.  To be the toy of it is enough to fill 
+the stoutest heart with awe.  The harbour was full of 
+transports, merchant ships, opium clippers, besides four or 
+five men-of-war, and a steamer belonging to the East India 
+Company - the first steamship I had ever seen.
+
+The coming of a typhoon is well known to the natives at least 
+twenty-four hours beforehand, and every preparation is made 
+for it.  Boats are dragged far up the beach; buildings even 
+are fortified for resistance.  Every ship had laid out its 
+anchors, lowered its yards, and housed its topmasts.  We had 
+both bowers down, with cables paid out to extreme length.  
+The danger was either in drifting on shore or, what was more 
+imminent, collision.  When once the tornado struck us there 
+was nothing more to be done; no men could have worked on 
+deck.  The seas broke by tons over all; boats beached as 
+described were lifted from the ground, and hurled, in some 
+instances, over the houses.  The air was darkened by the 
+spray.
+
+But terrible as was the raging of wind and water, far more 
+awful was the vain struggle for life of the human beings who 
+succumbed to it.  In a short time almost all the ships except 
+the men-of-war, which were better provided with anchors, 
+began to drift from their moorings.  Then wreck followed 
+wreck.  I do not think the 'Blonde' moved; but from first to 
+last we were threatened with the additional weight and strain 
+of a drifting vessel.  Had we been so hampered our anchorage 
+must have given way.  As a single example of the force of a 
+typhoon, the 'Phlegethon' with three anchors down, and 
+engines working at full speed, was blown past us out of the 
+harbour.
+
+One tragic incident I witnessed, which happened within a few 
+fathoms of the 'Blonde.'  An opium clipper had drifted 
+athwart the bow of a large merchantman, which in turn was 
+almost foul of us.  In less than five minutes the clipper 
+sank.  One man alone reappeared on the surface.  He was so 
+close, that from where I was holding on and crouching under 
+the lee of the mainmast I could see the expression of his 
+face.  He was a splendidly built man, and his strength and 
+activity must have been prodigious.  He clung to the cable of 
+the merchantman, which he had managed to clasp.  As the 
+vessel reared between the seas he gained a few feet before he 
+was again submerged.  At last he reached the hawse-hole.  Had 
+he hoped, in spite of his knowledge, to find it large enough 
+to admit his body?  He must have known the truth; and yet he 
+struggled on.  Did he hope that, when thus within arms' 
+length of men in safety, some pitying hand would be stretched 
+out to rescue him, - a rope's end perhaps flung out to haul 
+him inboard?  Vain desperate hope!  He looked upwards:  an 
+imploring look.  Would Heaven be more compassionate than man?  
+A mountain of sea towered above his head; and when again the 
+bow was visible, the man was gone for ever.
+
+Before taking leave of my seafaring days, I must say one word 
+about corporal punishment.  Sir Thomas Bouchier was a good 
+sailor, a gallant officer, and a kind-hearted man; but he was 
+one of the old school.  Discipline was his watchword, and he 
+endeavoured to maintain it by severity.  I dare say that, on 
+an average, there was a man flogged as often as once a month 
+during the first two years the 'Blonde' was in commission.  A 
+flogging on board a man-of-war with a 'cat,' the nine tails 
+of which were knotted, and the lashes of which were slowly 
+delivered, up to the four dozen, at the full swing of the 
+arm, and at the extremity of lash and handle, was very severe 
+punishment.  Each knot brought blood, and the shock of the 
+blow knocked the breath out of a man with an involuntary 
+'Ugh!' however stoically he bore the pain.
+
+I have seen many a bad man flogged for unpardonable conduct, 
+and many a good man for a glass of grog too much.  My firm 
+conviction is that the bad man was very little the better; 
+the good man very much the worse.  The good man felt the 
+disgrace, and was branded for life.  His self-esteem was 
+permanently maimed, and he rarely held up his head or did his 
+best again.  Besides which, - and this is true of all 
+punishment - any sense of injustice destroys respect for the 
+punisher.  Still I am no sentimentalist; I have a contempt 
+for, and even a dread of, sentimentalism.  For boy 
+housebreakers, and for ruffians who commit criminal assaults, 
+the rod or the lash is the only treatment.
+
+A comic piece of insubordination on my part recurs to me in 
+connection with flogging.  About the year 1840 or 1841, a 
+midshipman on the Pacific station was flogged.  I think the 
+ship was the 'Peak.'  The event created some sensation, and 
+was brought before Parliament.  Two frigates were sent out to 
+furnish a quorum of post-captains to try the responsible 
+commander.  The verdict of the court-martial was a severe 
+reprimand.  This was, of course, nuts to every midshipman in 
+the service.
+
+Shortly after it became known I got into a scrape for 
+laughing at, and disobeying the orders of, our first-
+lieutenant, - the head of the executive on board a frigate.  
+As a matter of fact, the orders were ridiculous, for the said 
+officer was tipsy.  Nevertheless, I was reported, and had up 
+before the captain.  'Old Tommy' was, or affected to be, very 
+angry.  I am afraid I was very 'cheeky.'  Whereupon Sir 
+Thomas did lose his temper, and threatened to send for the 
+boatswain to tie me up and give me a dozen, - not on the 
+back, but where the back leaves off.  Undismayed by the 
+threat, and mindful of the episode of the 'Peak' (?) I looked 
+the old gentleman in the face, and shrilly piped out, 'It's 
+as much as your commission is worth, sir.'  In spite of his 
+previous wrath, he was so taken aback by my impudence that he 
+burst out laughing, and, to hide it, kicked me out of the 
+cabin.
+
+After another severe attack of fever, and during a long 
+convalescence, I was laid up at Macao, where I enjoyed the 
+hospitality of Messrs. Dent and of Messrs. Jardine and 
+Matheson.  Thence I was invalided home, and took my passage 
+to Bombay in one of the big East India tea-ships.  As I was 
+being carried up the side in the arms of one of the boatmen, 
+I overheard another exclaim:  'Poor little beggar.  He'll 
+never see land again!'
+
+The only other passenger was Colonel Frederick Cotton, of the 
+Madras Engineers, one of a distinguished family.  He, too, 
+had been through the China campaign, and had also broken 
+down.  We touched at Manila, Batavia, Singapore, and several 
+other ports in the Malay Archipelago, to take in cargo.  
+While that was going on, Cotton, the captain, and I made 
+excursions inland.  Altogether I had a most pleasant time of 
+it till we reached Bombay.
+
+My health was now re-established; and after a couple of weeks 
+at Bombay, where I lived in a merchant's house, Cotton took 
+me to Poonah and Ahmadnagar; in both of which places I stayed 
+with his friends, and messed with the regiments.  Here a copy 
+of the 'Times' was put into my hands; and I saw a notice of 
+the death of my father.
+
+After a fortnight's quarantine at La Valetta, where two young 
+Englishmen - one an Oxford man - shared the same rooms in the 
+fort with me, we three returned to England; and (I suppose 
+few living people can say the same) travelled from Naples to 
+Calais before there was a single railway on the Continent.
+
+At the end of two months' leave in England I was appointed to 
+the 'Caledonia,' flagship at Plymouth.  Sir Thomas Bouchier 
+had written to the Admiral, Sir Edward Codrington, of 
+Navarino fame (whose daughter Sir Thomas afterwards married), 
+giving me 'a character.'  Sir Edward sent for me, and was 
+most kind.  He told me I was to go to the Pacific in the 
+first ship that left for South America, which would probably 
+be in a week or two; and he gave me a letter to his friend, 
+Admiral Thomas, who commanded on that station.
+
+About this time, and for a year or two later, the relations 
+between England and America were severely strained by what 
+was called 'the Oregon question.'  The dispute was concerning 
+the right of ownership of the mouth of the Columbia river, 
+and of Vancouver's Island.  The President as well as the 
+American people took the matter up very warmly; and much 
+discretion was needed to avert the outbreak of hostilities.
+
+In Sir Edward's letter, which he read out and gave to me 
+open, he requested Admiral Thomas to put me into any ship 
+'that was likely to see service'; and quoted a word or two 
+from my dear old captain Sir Thomas, which would probably 
+have given me a lift.
+
+The prospect before me was brilliant.  What could be more 
+delectable than the chance of a war?  My fancy pictured all 
+sorts of opportunities, turned to the best account, - my 
+seniors disposed of, and myself, with a pair of epaulets, 
+commanding the smartest brig in the service.
+
+Alack-a-day! what a climb down from such high flights my life 
+has been.  The ship in which I was to have sailed to the west 
+was suddenly countermanded to the east.  She was to leave for 
+China the following week, and I was already appointed to her, 
+not even as a 'super.'
+
+My courage and my ambition were wrecked at a blow.  The 
+notion of returning for another three years to China, where 
+all was now peaceful and stale to me, the excitement of the 
+war at an end, every port reminding me of my old comrades, 
+visions of renewed fevers and horrible food, - were more than 
+I could stand.
+
+I instantly made up my mind to leave the Navy.  It was a 
+wilful, and perhaps a too hasty, impulse.  But I am impulsive 
+by nature; and now that my father was dead, I fancied myself 
+to a certain extent my own master.  I knew moreover, by my 
+father's will, that I should not be dependent upon a 
+profession.  Knowledge of such a fact has been the ruin of 
+many a better man than I.  I have no virtuous superstitions 
+in favour of poverty - quite the reverse - but I am convinced 
+that the rich man, who has never had to earn his position or 
+his living, is more to be pitied and less respected than the 
+poor man whose comforts certainly, if not his bread, have 
+depended on his own exertions.
+
+My mother had a strong will of her own, and I could not guess 
+what line she might take.  I also apprehended the opposition 
+of my guardians.  On the whole, I opined a woman's heart 
+would be the most suitable for an appeal AD MISERICORDIAM.  
+So I pulled out the agony stop, and worked the pedals of 
+despair with all the anguish at my command.
+
+'It was easy enough for her to REVEL IN LUXURY and consign me 
+to a life worse than a CONVICT'S.  But how would SHE like to 
+live on SALT JUNK, to keep NIGHT WATCHES, to have to cut up 
+her blankets for PONCHOS (I knew she had never heard the 
+word, and that it would tell accordingly), to save her from 
+being FROZEN TO DEATH?  How would SHE like to be mast-headed 
+when a ship was rolling gunwale under?  As to the wishes of 
+my guardians, were THEIR FEELINGS to be considered before 
+mine?  I should like to see Lord Rosebery or Lord Spencer in 
+my place!  They'd very soon wish they had a mother who &c. 
+&c.'
+
+When my letter was finished I got leave to go ashore to post 
+it.  Feeling utterly miserable, I had my hair cut; and, 
+rendered perfectly reckless by my appearance, I consented to 
+have what was left of it tightly curled with a pair of tongs.  
+I cannot say that I shared in any sensible degree the 
+pleasure which this operation seemed to give to the artist.  
+But when I got back to the ship the sight of my adornment 
+kept my messmates in an uproar for the rest of the afternoon.
+
+Whether the touching appeal to my mother produced tears, or 
+of what kind, matters little; it effectually determined my 
+career.  Before my new ship sailed for China, I was home 
+again, and in full possession of my coveted freedom as a 
+civilian.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII
+
+
+
+IT was settled that after a course of three years at a 
+private tutor's I was to go to Cambridge.  The life I had led 
+for the past three years was not the best training for the 
+fellow-pupil of lads of fifteen or sixteen who had just left 
+school.  They were much more ready to follow my lead than I 
+theirs, especially as mine was always in the pursuit of 
+pleasure.
+
+I was first sent to Mr. B.'s, about a couple of miles from 
+Alnwick.  Before my time, Alnwick itself was considered out 
+of bounds.  But as nearly half the sin in this world consists 
+in being found out, my companions and I managed never to 
+commit any in this direction.
+
+We generally returned from the town with a bottle of some 
+noxious compound called 'port' in our pockets, which was 
+served out in our 'study' at night, while I read aloud the 
+instructive adventures of Mr. Thomas Jones.  We were, of 
+course, supposed to employ these late hours in preparing our 
+work for the morrow.  One boy only protested that, under the 
+combined seductions of the port and Miss Molly Seagrim, he 
+could never make his verses scan.
+
+Another of our recreations was poaching.  From my earliest 
+days I was taught to shoot, myself and my brothers being each 
+provided with his little single-barrelled flint and steel 
+'Joe Manton.'  At - we were surrounded by grouse moors on one 
+side, and by well-preserved coverts on the other.  The grouse 
+I used to shoot in the evening while they fed amongst the 
+corn stooks; for pheasants and hares, I used to get the other 
+pupils to walk through the woods, while I with a gun walked 
+outside.  Scouts were posted to look out for keepers.
+
+Did our tutor know?  Of course he knew.  But think of the 
+saving in the butcher's bill!  Besides which, Mr. B. was 
+otherwise preoccupied; he was in love with Mrs. B.  I say 'in 
+love,' for although I could not be sure of it then, (having 
+no direct experience of the AMANTIUM IRAE,) subsequent 
+observation has persuaded me that their perpetual quarrels 
+could mean nothing else.  This was exceedingly favourable to 
+the independence of Mr. B.'s pupils.  But when asked by Mr. 
+Ellice how I was getting on, I was forced in candour to admit 
+that I was in a fair way to forget all I ever knew.
+
+By the advice of Lord Spencer I was next placed under the 
+tuition of one of the minor canons of Ely.  The Bishop of Ely 
+- Dr. Allen - had been Lord Spencer's tutor, hence his 
+elevation to the see.  The Dean - Dr. Peacock, of algebraic 
+and Trinity College fame - was good enough to promise 'to 
+keep an eye' on me.  Lord Spencer himself took me to Ely; and 
+there I remained for two years.  They were two very important 
+years of my life.  Having no fellow pupil to beguile me, I 
+was the more industrious.  But it was not from the better 
+acquaintance with ancient literature that I mainly benefited, 
+- it was from my initiation to modern thought.  I was a 
+constant guest at the Deanery; where I frequently met such 
+men as Sedgwick, Airey the Astronomer-Royal, Selwyn, Phelps 
+the Master of Sydney, Canon Heaviside the master of 
+Haileybury, and many other friends of the Dean's, 
+distinguished in science, literature, and art.  Here I heard 
+discussed opinions on these subjects by some of their leading 
+representatives.  Naturally, as many of them were Churchmen, 
+conversation often turned on the bearing of modern science, 
+of geology especially if Sedgwick were of the party, upon 
+Mosaic cosmogony, or Biblical exegesis generally.
+
+The knowledge of these learned men, the lucidity with which 
+they expressed their views, and the earnestness with which 
+they defended them, captivated my attention, and opened to me 
+a new world of surpassing interest and gravity.
+
+What startled me most was the spirit in which a man of 
+Sedgwick's intellectual power protested against the possible 
+encroachments of his own branch of science upon the orthodox 
+tenets of the Church.  Just about this time an anonymous book 
+appeared, which, though long since forgotten, caused no 
+slight disturbance amongst dogmatic theologians.  The 
+tendency of this book, 'Vestiges of the Creation,' was, or 
+was then held to be, antagonistic to the arguments from 
+design.  Familiar as we now are with the theory of evolution, 
+such a work as the 'Vestiges' would no more stir the ODIUM 
+THEOLOGICUM than Franklin's kite.  Sedgwick, however, 
+attacked it with a vehemence and a rancour that would 
+certainly have roasted its author had the professor held the 
+office of Grand Inquisitor.
+
+Though incapable of forming any opinion as to the scientific 
+merits of such a book, or of Hugh Miller's writings, which he 
+also attacked upon purely religious grounds, I was staggered 
+by the fact that the Bible could possibly be impeached, or 
+that it was not profanity to defend it even.  Was it not the 
+'Word of God'?  And if so, how could any theories of 
+creation, any historical, any philological researches, shake 
+its eternal truth?
+
+Day and night I pondered over this new revelation.  I bought 
+the books - the wicked books - which nobody ought to read.  
+The INDEX EXPURGATORIUS became my guide for books to be 
+digested.  I laid hands on every heretical work I could hear 
+of.  By chance I made the acquaintance of a young man who, 
+together with his family, were Unitarians.  I got, and 
+devoured, Channing's works.  I found a splendid copy of 
+Voltaire in the Holkham library, and hunted through the 
+endless volumes, till I came to the 'Dialogues 
+Philosophiques.'  The world is too busy, fortunately, to 
+disturb its peace with such profane satire, such withering 
+sarcasm as flashes through an 'entretien' like that between 
+'Frere Rigolet' and 'L'Empereur de la Chine.'  Every French 
+man of letters knows it by heart; but it would wound our 
+English susceptibilities were I to cite it here.  Then, too, 
+the impious paraphrase of the Athanasian Creed, with its 
+terrible climax, from the converting Jesuit:  'Or vous voyez 
+bien . . . qu'un homme qui ne croit pas cette histoire doit 
+etre brule dans ce monde ci, et dans l'autre.'  To which 
+'L'Empereur' replies:  'Ca c'est clair comme le jour.'
+
+Could an ignorant youth, fevered with curiosity and the first 
+goadings of the questioning spirit, resist such logic, such 
+scorn, such scathing wit, as he met with here?
+
+Then followed Rousseau; 'Emile' became my favourite.  
+Froude's 'Nemesis of Faith' I read, and many other books of a 
+like tendency.  Passive obedience, blind submission to 
+authority, was never one of my virtues, and once my faith was 
+shattered, I knew not where to stop - what to doubt, what to 
+believe.  If the injunction to 'prove all things' was 
+anything more than an empty apophthegm, inquiry, in St. 
+Paul's eyes at any rate, could not be sacrilege.
+
+It was not happiness I sought, - not peace of mind at least; 
+for assuredly my thirst for knowledge, for truth, brought me 
+anything but peace.  I never was more restless, or, at times, 
+more unhappy.  Shallow, indeed, must be the soul that can 
+lightly sever itself from beliefs which lie at the roots of 
+our moral, intellectual, and emotional being, sanctified too 
+by associations of our earliest love and reverence.  I used 
+to wander about the fields, and sit for hours in sequestered 
+spots, longing for some friend, some confidant to take 
+counsel with.  I knew no such friend.  I did not dare to 
+speak of my misgivings to others.  In spite of my earnest 
+desire for guidance, for more light, the strong grip of 
+childhood's influences was impossible to shake off.  I could 
+not rid my conscience of the sin of doubt.
+
+It is this difficulty, this primary dependence on others, 
+which develops into the child's first religion, that 
+perpetuates the infantile character of human creeds; and, 
+what is worse, generates the hideous bigotry which justifies 
+that sad reflection of Lucretius:  'Tantum Religio potuit 
+suadere malorum!'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX
+
+
+
+TO turn again to narrative, and to far less serious thoughts.  
+The last eighteen months before I went to Cambridge, I was 
+placed, or rather placed myself, under the tuition of Mr. 
+Robert Collyer, rector of Warham, a living close to Holkham 
+in the gift of my brother Leicester.  Between my Ely tutor 
+and myself there was but little sympathy.  He was a man of 
+much refinement, but with not much indulgence for such 
+aberrant proclivities as mine.  Without my knowledge, he 
+wrote to Mr. Ellice lamenting my secret recusancy, and its 
+moral dangers.  Mr. Ellice came expressly from London, and 
+stayed a night at Ely.  He dined with us in the cloisters, 
+and had a long private conversation with my tutor, and, 
+before he left, with me.  I indignantly resented the 
+clandestine representations of Mr. S., and, without a word to 
+Mr. Ellice or to anyone else, wrote next day to Mr. Collyer 
+to beg him to take me in at Warham, and make what he could of 
+me, before I went to Cambridge.  It may here be said that Mr. 
+Collyer had been my father's chaplain, and had lived at 
+Holkham for several years as family tutor to my brothers and 
+myself, as we in turn left the nursery.  Mr. Collyer, upon 
+receipt of my letter, referred the matter to Mr. Ellice; with 
+his approval I was duly installed at Warham.  Before 
+describing my time there, I must tell of an incident which 
+came near to affecting me in a rather important way.
+
+My mother lived at Longford in Derbyshire, an old place, now 
+my home, which had come into the Coke family in James I.'s 
+reign, through the marriage of a son of Chief Justice Coke's 
+with the heiress of the De Langfords, an ancient family from 
+that time extinct.  While staying there during my summer 
+holidays, my mother confided to me that she had had an offer 
+of marriage from Mr. Motteux, the owner of considerable 
+estates in Norfolk, including two houses - Beachamwell and 
+Sandringham.  Mr. Motteux - 'Johnny Motteux,' as he was 
+called - was, like Tristram Shandy's father, the son of a 
+wealthy 'Turkey merchant,' which, until better informed, I 
+always took to mean a dealer in poultry.  'Johnny,' like 
+another man of some notoriety, whom I well remember in my 
+younger days - Mr. Creevey - had access to many large houses 
+such as Holkham; not, like Creevey, for the sake of his 
+scandalous tongue, but for the sake of his wealth.  He had no 
+(known) relatives; and big people, who had younger sons to 
+provide for, were quite willing that one of them should be 
+his heir.  Johnny Motteux was an epicure with the best of 
+CHEFS.  His capons came from Paris, his salmon from 
+Christchurch, and his Strasburg pies were made to order.  One 
+of these he always brought with him as a present to my 
+mother, who used to say, 'Mr. Motteux evidently thinks the 
+nearest way to my heart is down my throat.'
+
+A couple of years after my father's death, Motteux wrote to 
+my mother proposing marriage, and, to enhance his personal 
+attractions, (in figure and dress he was a duplicate of the 
+immortal Pickwick,) stated that he had made his will and had 
+bequeathed Sandringham to me, adding that, should he die 
+without issue, I was to inherit the remainder of his estates.
+
+Rather to my surprise, my mother handed the letter to me with 
+evident signs of embarrassment and distress.  My first 
+exclamation was:  'How jolly!  The shooting's first rate, and 
+the old boy is over seventy, if he's a day.'
+
+My mother apparently did not see it in this light.  She 
+clearly, to my disappointments did not care for the shooting; 
+and my exultation only brought tears into her eyes.
+
+'Why, mother,' I exclaimed, 'what's up?  Don't you - don't 
+you care for Johnny Motteux?'
+
+She confessed that she did not.
+
+'Then why don't you tell him so, and not bother about his 
+beastly letter?'
+
+'If I refuse him you will lose Sandringham.'
+
+'But he says here he has already left it to me.'
+
+'He will alter his will.'
+
+'Let him!' cried I, flying out at such prospective meanness.  
+'Just you tell him you don't care a rap for him or for 
+Sandringham either.'
+
+In more lady-like terms she acted in accordance with my 
+advice; and, it may be added, not long afterwards married Mr. 
+Ellice.
+
+Mr. Motteux's first love, or one of them, had been Lady 
+Cowper, then Lady Palmerston.  Lady Palmerston's youngest son 
+was Mr. Spencer Cowper.  Mr. Motteux died a year or two after 
+the above event.  He made a codicil to his will, and left 
+Sandringham and all his property to Mr. Spencer Cowper.  Mr. 
+Spencer Cowper was a young gentleman of costly habits.  
+Indeed, he bore the slightly modified name of 'Expensive 
+Cowper.'  As an attache at Paris he was famous for his 
+patronage of dramatic art - or artistes rather; the votaries 
+of Terpsichore were especially indebted to his liberality.  
+At the time of Mr. Motteux's demise, he was attached to the 
+Embassy at St. Petersburg.  Mr. Motteux's solicitors wrote 
+immediately to inform him of his accession to their late 
+client's wealth.  It being one of Mr. Cowper's maxims never 
+to read lawyers' letters, (he was in daily receipt of more 
+than he could attend to,) he flung this one unread into the 
+fire; and only learnt his mistake through the congratulations 
+of his family.
+
+The Prince Consort happened about this time to be in quest of 
+a suitable country seat for his present Majesty; and 
+Sandringham, through the adroit negotiations of Lord 
+Palmerston, became the property of the Prince of Wales.  The 
+soul of the 'Turkey merchant,' we cannot doubt, will repose 
+in peace.
+
+The worthy rector of Warham St. Mary's was an oddity 
+deserving of passing notice.  Outwardly he was no Adonis.  
+His plain features and shock head of foxy hair, his 
+antiquated and neglected garb, his copious jabot - much 
+affected by the clergy of those days - were becoming 
+investitures of the inward man.  His temper was inflammatory, 
+sometimes leading to excesses, which I am sure he rued in 
+mental sackcloth and ashes.  But visitors at Holkham (unaware 
+of the excellent motives and moral courage which inspired his 
+conduct) were not a little amazed at the austerity with which 
+he obeyed the dictates of his conscience.
+
+For example, one Sunday evening after dinner, when the 
+drawing-room was filled with guests, who more or less 
+preserved the decorum which etiquette demands in the presence 
+of royalty, (the Duke of Sussex was of the party,) Charles 
+Fox and Lady Anson, great-grandmother of the present Lord 
+Lichfield, happened to be playing at chess.  When the 
+irascible dominie beheld them he pushed his way through the 
+bystanders, swept the pieces from the board, and, with 
+rigorous impartiality, denounced these impious desecrators of 
+the Sabbath eve.
+
+As an example of his fidelity as a librarian, Mr. Panizzi 
+used to relate with much glee how, whenever he was at 
+Holkham, Mr. Collyer dogged him like a detective.  One day, 
+not wishing to detain the reverend gentleman while he himself 
+spent the forenoon in the manuscript library, (where not only 
+the ancient manuscripts, but the most valuable of the printed 
+books, are kept under lock and key,) he considerately begged 
+Mr. Collyer to leave him to his researches.  The dominie 
+replied 'that he knew his duty, and did not mean to neglect 
+it.'  He did not lose sight of Mr. Panizzi.
+
+The notion that he - the great custodian of the nation's 
+literary treasures - would snip out and pocket the title-page 
+of the folio edition of Shakespeare, or of the Coverdale 
+Bible, tickled Mr. Panizzi's fancy vastly.
+
+In spite, however, of our rector's fiery temperament, or 
+perhaps in consequence of it, he was remarkably susceptible 
+to the charms of beauty.  We were constantly invited to 
+dinner and garden parties in the neighbourhood; nor was the 
+good rector slow to return the compliment.  It must be 
+confessed that the pupil shared to the full the 
+impressibility of the tutor; and, as it happened, unknown to 
+both, the two were in one case rivals.
+
+As the young lady afterwards occupied a very distinguished 
+position in Oxford society, it can only be said that she was 
+celebrated for her many attractions.  She was then sixteen, 
+and the younger of her suitors but two years older.  As far 
+as age was concerned, nothing could be more compatible.  Nor 
+in the matter of mutual inclination was there any disparity 
+whatever.  What, then, was the pupil's dismay when, after a 
+dinner party at the rectory, and the company had left, the 
+tutor, in a frantic state of excitement, seized the pupil by 
+both hands, and exclaimed:  'She has accepted me!'
+
+'Accepted you?' I asked.  'Who has accepted you?'
+
+'Who?  Why, Miss -, of course!  Who else do you suppose would 
+accept me?'
+
+'No one,' said I, with doleful sincerity.  'But did you 
+propose to her?  Did she understand what you said to her?  
+Did she deliberately and seriously say "Yes?"'
+
+'Yes, yes, yes,' and his disordered jabot and touzled hair 
+echoed the fatal word.
+
+'O Smintheus of the silver bow!' I groaned.  'It is the 
+woman's part to create delusions, and - destroy them!  To 
+think of it! after all that has passed between us these  - 
+these three weeks, next Monday!  "Once and for ever."  Did 
+ever woman use such words before?  And I - believed them!'  
+'Did you speak to the mother?' I asked in a fit of 
+desperation.
+
+'There was no time for that.  Mrs. - was in the carriage, and 
+I didn't pop [the odious word!] till I was helping her on 
+with her cloak.  The cloak, you see, made it less awkward.  
+My offer was a sort of OBITER DICTUM - a by-the-way, as it 
+were.'
+
+'To the carriage, yes.  But wasn't she taken by surprise?'
+
+'Not a bit of it.  Bless you! they always know.  She 
+pretended not to understand, but that's a way they have.'
+
+'And when you explained?'
+
+'There wasn't time for more.  She laughed, and sprang into 
+the carriage.'
+
+'And that was all?'
+
+'All! would you have had her spring into my arms?'
+
+'God forbid!  You will have to face the mother to-morrow,' 
+said I, recovering rapidly from my despondency.
+
+'Face?  Well, I shall have to call upon Mrs. -, if that's 
+what you mean.  A mere matter of form.  I shall go over after 
+lunch.  But it needn't interfere with your work.  You can go 
+on with the "Anabasis" till I come back.  And remember - 
+NEANISKOS is not a proper name, ha! ha! ha!  The quadratics 
+will keep till the evening.'  He was merry over his 
+prospects, and I was not altogether otherwise.
+
+But there was no Xenophon, no algebra, that day!  Dire was 
+the distress of my poor dominie when he found the mother as 
+much bewildered as the daughter was frightened, by the 
+mistake.  'She,' the daughter, 'had never for a moment 
+imagined, &c., &c.'
+
+My tutor was not long disheartened by such caprices - so he 
+deemed them, as Miss Jemima's (she had a prettier name, you 
+may be sure), and I did my best (it cost me little now) to 
+encourage his fondest hopes.  I proposed that we should drink 
+the health of the future mistress of Warham in tea, which he 
+cheerfully acceded to, all the more readily, that it gave him 
+an opportunity to vent one of his old college jokes.  'Yes, 
+yes,' said he, with a laugh, 'there's nothing like tea.  TE 
+VENIENTE DIE, TE DECEDENTE CANEBAM.'  Such sallies of 
+innocent playfulness often smoothed his path in life.  He 
+took a genuine pleasure in his own jokes.  Some men do.  One 
+day I dropped a pot of marmalade on a new carpet, and should 
+certainly have been reprimanded for carelessness, had it not 
+occurred to him to exclaim:  'JAM SATIS TERRIS!' and then 
+laugh immoderately at his wit.
+
+That there are as good fish in the sea as ever came out of 
+it, was a maxim he acted upon, if he never heard it. Within a 
+month of the above incident he proposed to another lady upon 
+the sole grounds that, when playing a game of chess, an 
+exchange of pieces being contemplated, she innocently, but 
+incautiously, observed, 'If you take me, I will take you.'  
+He referred the matter next day to my ripe judgment.  As I 
+had no partiality for the lady in question, I strongly 
+advised him to accept so obvious a challenge, and go down on 
+his knees to her at once.  I laid stress on the knees, as the 
+accepted form of declaration, both in novels and on the 
+stage.
+
+In this case the beloved object, who was not embarrassed by 
+excess of amiability, promptly desired him, when he urged his 
+suit, 'not to make a fool of himself.'
+
+My tutor's peculiarities, however, were not confined to his 
+endeavours to meet with a lady rectoress.  He sometimes 
+surprised his hearers with the originality of his abstruse 
+theories.  One morning he called me into the stable yard to 
+join in consultation with his gardener as to the advisability 
+of killing a pig.  There were two, and it was not easy to 
+decide which was the fitter for the butcher.  The rector 
+selected one, I the other, and the gardener, who had nurtured 
+both from their tenderest age, pleaded that they should be 
+allowed to 'put on another score.'  The point was warmly 
+argued all round.
+
+'The black sow,' said I (they were both sows, you must know) 
+- 'The black sow had a litter of ten last time, and the white 
+one only six.  Ergo, if history repeats itself, as I have 
+heard you say, you should keep the black, and sacrifice the 
+white.'
+
+'But,' objected the rector, 'that was the white's first 
+litter, and the black's second.  Why shouldn't the white do 
+as well as the black next time?'
+
+'And better, your reverence,' chimed in the gardener.  'The 
+number don't allays depend on the sow, do it?'
+
+'That is neither here nor there,' returned the rector.
+
+'Well,' said the gardener, who stood to his guns, 'if your 
+reverence is right, as no doubt you will be, that'll make 
+just twenty little pigs for the butcher, come Michaelmas.'
+
+'We can't kill 'em before they are born,' said the rector.
+
+'That's true, your reverence.  But it comes to the same 
+thing.'
+
+'Not to the pigs,' retorted the rector.
+
+'To your reverence, I means.'
+
+'A pig at the butcher's,' I suggested, 'is worth a dozen 
+unborn.'
+
+'No one can deny it,' said the rector, as he fingered the 
+small change in his breeches pocket; and pointing with the 
+other hand to the broad back of the black sow, exclaimed, 
+'This is the one, DUPLEX AGITUR PER LUMBOS SPINA!  She's got 
+a back like an alderman's chin.'
+
+'EPICURI DE GREGE PORCUS,' I assented, and the fate of the 
+black sow was sealed.
+
+Next day an express came from Holkham, to say that Lady 
+Leicester had given birth to a daughter.  My tutor jumped out 
+of his chair to hand me the note.  'Did I not anticipate the 
+event'? he cried.  'What a wonderful world we live in!  
+Unconsciously I made room for the infant by sacrificing the 
+life of that pig.'  As I never heard him allude to the 
+doctrine of Pythagoras, as he had no leaning to Buddhism, 
+and, as I am sure he knew nothing of the correlation of 
+forces, it must be admitted that the conception was an 
+original one.
+
+Be this as it may, Mr. Collyer was an upright and 
+conscientious man.  I owe him much, and respect his memory.  
+He died at an advanced age, an honorary canon, and - a 
+bachelor.
+
+Another portrait hangs amongst the many in my memory's 
+picture gallery.  It is that of his successor to the 
+vicarage, the chaplaincy, and the librarianship, at Holkham - 
+Mr. Alexander Napier - at this time, and until his death 
+fifty years later, one of my closest and most cherished 
+friends.  Alexander Napier was the son of Macvey Napier, 
+first editor of the 'Edinburgh Review.'  Thus, associated 
+with many eminent men of letters, he also did some good 
+literary work of his own.  He edited Isaac Barrow's works for 
+the University of Cambridge, also Boswell's 'Johnson,' and 
+gave various other proofs of his talents and his scholarship.  
+He was the most delightful of companions; liberal-minded in 
+the highest degree; full of quaint humour and quick sympathy; 
+an excellent parish priest, - looking upon Christianity as a 
+life and not a dogma; beloved by all, for he had a kind 
+thought and a kind word for every needy or sick being in his 
+parish.
+
+With such qualities, the man always predominated over the 
+priest.  Hence his large-hearted charity and indulgence for 
+the faults - nay, crimes - of others.  Yet, if taken aback by 
+an outrage, or an act of gross stupidity, which even the 
+perpetrator himself had to suffer for, he would momentarily 
+lose his patience, and rap out an objurgation that would 
+stagger the straiter-laced gentlemen of his own cloth, or an 
+outsider who knew less of him than - the recording angel.
+
+A fellow undergraduate of Napier's told me a characteristic 
+anecdote of his impetuosity.  Both were Trinity men, and had 
+been keeping high jinks at a supper party at Caius.  The 
+friend suddenly pointed to the clock, reminding Napier they 
+had but five minutes to get into college before Trinity gates 
+were closed.  'D-n the clock!' shouted Napier, and snatching 
+up the sugar basin (it was not EAU SUCREE they were 
+drinking), incontinently flung it at the face of the 
+offending timepiece.
+
+This youthful vivacity did not desert him in later years.  An 
+old college friend - also a Scotchman - had become Bishop of 
+Edinburgh.  Napier paid him a visit (he described it to me 
+himself).  They talked of books, they talked of politics, 
+they talked of English Bards and Scotch Reviewers, of 
+Brougham, Horner, Wilson, Macaulay, Jeffrey, of Carlyle's 
+dealings with Napier's father - 'Nosey,' as Carlyle calls 
+him.  They chatted into the small hours of the night, as boon 
+companions, and as what Bacon calls 'full' men, are wont.  
+The claret, once so famous in the 'land of cakes,' had given 
+place to toddy; its flow was in due measure to the flow of 
+soul.  But all that ends is short - the old friends had spent 
+their last evening together.  Yes, their last, perhaps.  It 
+was bed-time, and quoth Napier to his lordship, 'I tell you 
+what it is, Bishop, I am na fou', but I'll be hanged if I 
+haven't got two left legs.'
+
+'I see something odd about them,' says his lordship.  'We'd 
+better go to bed.'
+
+Who the bishop was I do not know, but I'll answer for it he 
+was one of the right sort.
+
+In 1846 I became an undergraduate of Trinity College, 
+Cambridge.  I do not envy the man (though, of course, one 
+ought) whose college days are not the happiest to look back 
+upon.  One should hope that however profitably a young man 
+spends his time at the University, it is but the preparation 
+for something better.  But happiness and utility are not 
+necessarily concomitant; and even when an undergraduate's 
+course is least employed for its intended purpose (as, alas! 
+mine was) - for happiness, certainly not pure, but simple, 
+give me life at a University,
+
+Heaven forbid that any youth should be corrupted by my 
+confession!  But surely there are some pleasures pertaining 
+to this unique epoch that are harmless in themselves, and are 
+certainly not to be met with at any other.  These are the 
+first years of comparative freedom, of manhood, of 
+responsibility.  The novelty, the freshness of every 
+pleasure, the unsatiated appetite for enjoyment, the animal 
+vigour, the ignorance of care, the heedlessness of, or 
+rather, the implicit faith in, the morrow, the absence of 
+mistrust or suspicion, the frank surrender to generous 
+impulses, the readiness to accept appearances for realities - 
+to believe in every profession or exhibition of good will, to 
+rush into the arms of every friendship, to lay bare one's 
+tenderest secrets, to listen eagerly to the revelations which 
+make us all akin, to offer one's time, one's energies, one's 
+purse, one's heart, without a selfish afterthought - these, I 
+say, are the priceless pleasures, never to be repeated, of 
+healthful average youth.
+
+What has after-success, honour, wealth, fame, or, power - 
+burdened, as they always are, with ambitions, blunders, 
+jealousies, cares, regrets, and failing health - to match 
+with this enjoyment of the young, the bright, the bygone, 
+hour?  The wisdom of the worldly teacher - at least, the 
+CARPE DIEM - was practised here before the injunction was 
+ever thought of.  DU BIST SO SCHON was the unuttered 
+invocation, while the VERWEILE DOCH was deemed unneedful.
+
+Little, I am ashamed to own, did I add either to my small 
+classical or mathematical attainments.  But I made 
+friendships - lifelong friendships, that I would not barter 
+for the best of academical prizes.
+
+Amongst my associates or acquaintances, two or three of whom 
+have since become known - were the last Lord Derby, Sir 
+William Harcourt, the late Lord Stanley of Alderley, Latimer 
+Neville, late Master of Magdalen, Lord Calthorpe, of racing 
+fame, with whom I afterwards crossed the Rocky Mountains, the 
+last Lord Durham, my cousin, Sir Augustus Stephenson, ex-
+solicitor to the Treasury, Julian Fane, whose lyrics were 
+edited by Lord Lytton, and my life-long friend Charles 
+Barrington, private secretary to Lord Palmerston and to Lord 
+John Russell.
+
+But the most intimate of them was George Cayley, son of the 
+member for the East Riding of Yorkshire.  Cayley was a young 
+man of much promise.  In his second year he won the 
+University prize poem with his 'Balder,' and soon after 
+published some other poems, and a novel, which met with 
+merited oblivion.  But it was as a talker that he shone.  His 
+quick intelligence, his ready wit, his command of language, 
+made his conversation always lively, and sometimes brilliant.  
+For several years after I left Cambridge I lived with him in 
+his father's house in Dean's Yard, and thus made the 
+acquaintance of some celebrities whom his fascinating and 
+versatile talents attracted thither.  As I shall return to 
+this later on, I will merely mention here the names of such 
+men as Thackeray, Tennyson, Frederick Locker, Stirling of 
+Keir, Tom Taylor the dramatist, Millais, Leighton, and others 
+of lesser note.  Cayley was a member of, and regular 
+attendant at, the Cosmopolitan Club; where he met Dickens, 
+Foster, Shirley Brooks, John Leech, Dicky Doyle, and the wits 
+of the day; many of whom occasionally formed part of our 
+charming coterie in the house I shared with his father.
+
+Speaking of Tom Taylor reminds me of a good turn he once did 
+me in my college examination at Cambridge.  Whewell was then 
+Master of Trinity.  One of the subjects I had to take up was 
+either the 'Amicitia' or the 'Senectute' (I forget which).  
+Whewell, more formidable and alarming than ever, opened the 
+book at hazard, and set me on to construe.  I broke down.  He 
+turned over the page; again I stuck fast.  The truth is, I 
+had hardly looked at my lesson, - trusting to my recollection 
+of parts of it to carry me through, if lucky, with the whole.
+
+'What's your name, sir?' was the Master's gruff inquiry.  He 
+did not catch it.  But Tom Taylor - also an examiner - 
+sitting next to him, repeated my reply, with the addition, 
+'Just returned from China, where he served as a midshipman in 
+the late war.'  He then took the book out of Whewell's hands, 
+and giving it to me closed, said good-naturedly:  'Let us 
+have another try, Mr. Coke.'  The chance was not thrown away; 
+I turned to a part I knew, and rattled off as if my first 
+examiner had been to blame, not I.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X
+
+
+
+BEFORE dropping the curtain on my college days I must relate 
+a little adventure which is amusing as an illustration of my 
+reverend friend Napier's enthusiastic spontaneity.  My own 
+share in the farce is a subordinate matter.
+
+During the Christmas party at Holkham I had 'fallen in love,' 
+as the phrase goes, with a young lady whose uncle (she had 
+neither father nor mother) had rented a place in the 
+neighbourhood.  At the end of his visit he invited me to 
+shoot there the following week.  For what else had I paid him 
+assiduous attention, and listened like an angel to the 
+interminable history of his gout?  I went; and before I left, 
+proposed to, and was accepted by, the young lady.  I was 
+still at Cambridge, not of age, and had but moderate means.  
+As for the maiden, 'my face is my fortune' she might have 
+said.  The aunt, therefore, very properly pooh-poohed the 
+whole affair, and declined to entertain the possibility of an 
+engagement; the elderly gentleman got a bad attack of gout; 
+and every wire of communication being cut, not an obstacle 
+was wanting to render persistence the sweetest of miseries.
+
+Napier was my confessor, and became as keen to circumvent the 
+'old she-dragon,' so he called her, as I was.  Frequent and 
+long were our consultations, but they generally ended in 
+suggestions and schemes so preposterous, that the only result 
+was an immoderate fit of laughter on both sides.  At length 
+it came to this (the proposition was not mine):  we were to 
+hire a post chaise and drive to the inn at G-.  I was to 
+write a note to the young lady requesting her to meet me at 
+some trysting place.  The note was to state that a clergyman 
+would accompany me, who was ready and willing to unite us 
+there and then in holy matrimony; that I would bring the 
+licence in my pocket; that after the marriage we could confer 
+as to ways and means; and that - she could leave the REST to 
+me.
+
+No enterprise was ever more merrily conceived, or more 
+seriously undertaken.  (Please to remember that my friend was 
+not so very much older than I; and, in other respects, was 
+quite as juvenile.)
+
+Whatever was to come of it, the drive was worth the venture.  
+The number of possible and impossible contingencies provided 
+for kept us occupied by the hour.  Furnished with a well-
+filled luncheon basket, we regaled ourselves and fortified 
+our courage; while our hilarity increased as we neared, or 
+imagined that we neared, the climax.  Unanimously we repeated 
+Dr. Johnson's exclamation in a post chaise:  'Life has not 
+many things better than this.'
+
+But where were we?  Our watches told us that we had been two 
+hours covering a distance of eleven miles.
+
+'Hi!  Hullo!  Stop!' shouted Napier.  In those days post 
+horses were ridden, not driven; and about all we could see of 
+the post boy was what Mistress Tabitha Bramble saw of 
+Humphrey Clinker.  'Where the dickens have we got to now?'
+
+'Don't know, I'm sure, sir,' says the boy; 'never was in 
+these 'ere parts afore.'
+
+'Why,' shouts the vicar, after a survey of the landscape, 'if 
+I can see a church by daylight, that's Blakeney steeple; and 
+we are only three miles from where we started.'
+
+Sure enough it was so.  There was nothing for it but to stop 
+at the nearest house, give the horses a rest and a feed, and 
+make a fresh start, - better informed as to our topography.
+
+It was past four on that summer afternoon when we reached our 
+destination.  The plan of campaign was cut and dried.  I 
+called for writing materials, and indicted my epistle as 
+agreed upon.
+
+'To whom are you telling her to address the answer?' asked my 
+accomplice.  'We're INCOG. you know.  It won't do for either 
+of us to be known.'
+
+'Certainly not,' said I.  'What shall it be?  White? Black? 
+Brown? or Green?'
+
+'Try Browne with an E,' said he.  'The E gives an 
+aristocratic flavour.  We can't afford to risk our 
+respectability.'
+
+The note sealed, I rang the bell for the landlord, desired 
+him to send it up to the hall and tell the messenger to wait 
+for an answer.
+
+As our host was leaving the room he turned round, with his 
+hand on the door, and said:
+
+'Beggin' your pardon, Mr. Cook, would you and Mr. Napeer 
+please to take dinner here?  I've soom beatiful lamb chops, 
+and you could have a ducklin' and some nice young peas to 
+your second course.  The post-boy says the 'osses is pretty 
+nigh done up; but by the time - '
+
+'How did you know our names?' asked my companion.
+
+'Law sir!  The post-boy, he told me.  But, beggin' your 
+pardon, Mr. Napeer, my daughter, she lives in Holkham 
+willage; and I've heard you preach afore now.'
+
+'Let's have the dinner by all means,' said I.
+
+'If the Bishop sequesters my living,' cried Napier, with 
+solemnity, 'I'll summon the landlord for defamation of 
+character.  But time's up.  You must make for the boat-house, 
+which is on the other side of the park.  I'll go with you to 
+the head of the lake.'
+
+We had not gone far, when we heard the sound of an 
+approaching vehicle.  What did we see but an open carriage, 
+with two ladies in it, not a hundred yards behind us.
+
+'The aunt! by all that's - !'
+
+What -  I never heard; for, before the sentence was 
+completed, the speaker's long legs were scampering out of 
+sight in the direction of a clump of trees, I following as 
+hard as I could go.
+
+As the carriage drove past, my Friar Lawrence was lying in a 
+ditch, while I was behind an oak.  We were near enough to 
+discern the niece, and consequently we feared to be 
+recognised.  The situation was neither dignified nor 
+romantic.  My friend was sanguine, though big ardour was 
+slightly damped by the ditch water.  I doubted the expediency 
+of trying the boat-house, but he urged the risk of her 
+disappointment, which made the attempt imperative.
+
+The padre returned to the inn to dry himself, and, in due 
+course, I rejoined him.  He met me with the answer to my 
+note.  'The boat-house,' it declared, 'was out of the 
+question.  But so, of course, was the POSSIBILITY of CHANGE.  
+We must put our trust in PROVIDENCE.  Time could make NO 
+difference in OUR case, whatever it might do with OTHERS.  
+SHE, at any rate, could wait for YEARS.'  Upon the whole the 
+result was comforting - especially as the 'years' dispensed 
+with the necessity of any immediate step more desperate than 
+dinner.  This we enjoyed like men who had earned it; and long 
+before I deposited my dear friar in his cell both of us were 
+snoring in our respective corners of the chaise.
+
+A word or two will complete this romantic episode.  The next 
+long vacation I spent in London, bent, needless to say, on a 
+happy issue to my engagement.  How simple, in the retrospect, 
+is the frustration of our hopes!  I had not been a week in 
+town, had only danced once with my FIANCEE, when, one day, 
+taking a tennis lesson from the great Barre, a forced ball 
+grazed the frame of my racket, and broke a blood vessel in my 
+eye.
+
+For five weeks I was shut up in a dark room.  It was two more 
+before I again met my charmer.  She did not tell me, but her 
+man did, that their wedding day was fixed for the 10th of the 
+following month; and he 'hoped they would have the pleasure 
+of seeing me at the breakfast!'  [I made the following note 
+of the fact:  N.B. - A woman's tears may cost her nothing; 
+but her smiles may be expensive.]
+
+I must, however, do the young lady the justice to state that, 
+though her future husband was no great things as a 'man,' as 
+she afterwards discovered, he was the heir to a peerage and 
+great wealth.  Both he and she, like most of my collaborators 
+in this world, have long since passed into the other.
+
+The fashions of bygone days have always an interest for the 
+living:  the greater perhaps the less remote.  We like to 
+think of our ancestors of two or three generations off - the 
+heroes and heroines of Jane Austen, in their pantaloons and 
+high-waisted, short-skirted frocks, their pigtails and 
+powdered hair, their sandalled shoes, and Hessian boots.  Our 
+near connection with them entrances our self-esteem.  Their 
+prim manners, their affected bows and courtesies, the 'dear 
+Mr. So-and-So' of the wife to her husband, the 'Sir' and 
+'Madam' of the children to their parents, make us wonder 
+whether their flesh and blood were ever as warm as ours; or 
+whether they were a race of prigs and puppets?
+
+My memory carries me back to the remnants of these lost 
+externals - that which is lost was nothing more; the men and 
+women were every whit as human as ourselves.  My half-sisters 
+wore turbans with birds-of-paradise in them.  My mother wore 
+gigot sleeves; but objected to my father's pigtail, so cut it 
+off.  But my father powdered his head, and kept to his knee-
+breeches to the last; so did all elderly gentlemen, when I 
+was a boy.  For the matter of that, I saw an old fellow with 
+a pigtail walking in the Park as late as 1845.  He, no doubt, 
+was an ultra-conservative.
+
+Fashions change so imperceptibly that it is difficult for the 
+historian to assign their initiatory date.  Does the young 
+dandy of to-day want to know when white ties came into vogue? 
+- he knows that his great-grandfather wore a white neckcloth, 
+and takes it for granted, may be, that his grandfather did so 
+too.  Not a bit of it.  The young Englander of the Coningsby 
+type - the Count d'Orsays of my youth, scorned the white tie 
+alike of their fathers and their sons.  At dinner-parties or 
+at balls, they adorned themselves in satin scarfs, with a 
+jewelled pin or chained pair of pins stuck in them.  I well 
+remember the rebellion - the protest against effeminacy - 
+which the white tie called forth amongst some of us upon its 
+first invasion on evening dress.  The women were in favour of 
+it, and, of course, carried the day; but not without a 
+struggle.  One night at Holkham - we were a large party, I 
+daresay at least fifty at dinner - the men came down in black 
+scarfs, the women in white 'chokers.'  To make the contest 
+complete, these all sat on one side of the table, and we men 
+on the other.  The battle was not renewed; both factions 
+surrendered.  But the women, as usual, got their way, and - 
+their men.
+
+For my part I could never endure the original white 
+neckcloth.  It was stiffly starched, and wound twice round 
+the neck; so I abjured it for the rest of my days; now and 
+then I got the credit of being a coxcomb - not for my pains, 
+but for my comfort.  Once, when dining at the Viceregal Lodge 
+at Dublin, I was 'pulled up' by an aide-de-camp for my 
+unbecoming attire; but I stuck to my colours, and was none 
+the worse.  Another time my offence called forth a touch of 
+good nature on the part of a great man, which I hardly know 
+how to speak of without writing me down an ass.  It was at a 
+crowded party at Cambridge House.  (Let me plead my youth; I 
+was but two-and-twenty.)  Stars and garters were scarcely a 
+distinction.  White ties were then as imperative as shoes and 
+stockings; I was there in a black one.  My candid friends 
+suggested withdrawal, my relations cut me assiduously, 
+strangers by my side whispered at me aloud, women turned 
+their shoulders to me; and my only prayer was that my 
+accursed tie would strangle me on the spot.  One pair of 
+sharp eyes, however, noticed my ignominy, and their owner was 
+moved by compassion for my sufferings.  As I was slinking 
+away, Lord Palmerston, with a BONHOMIE peculiarly his own, 
+came up to me; and with a shake of the hand and hearty 
+manner, asked after my brother Leicester, and when he was 
+going to bring me into Parliament? - ending with a smile:  
+'Where are you off to in such a hurry?'  That is the sort of 
+tact that makes a party leader.  I went to bed a proud, 
+instead of a humiliated, man; ready, if ever I had the 
+chance, to vote that black was white, should he but state it 
+was so.
+
+Beards and moustache came into fashion after the Crimean war.  
+It would have been an outrage to wear them before that time.  
+When I came home from my travels across the Rocky Mountains 
+in 1851, I was still unshaven.  Meeting my younger brother - 
+a fashionable guardsman - in St. James's Street, he 
+exclaimed, with horror and disgust at my barbarity, 'I 
+suppose you mean to cut off that thing!'
+
+Smoking, as indulged in now, was quite out of the question 
+half a century ago.  A man would as soon have thought of 
+making a call in his dressing-gown as of strolling about the 
+West End with a cigar in his mouth.  The first whom I ever 
+saw smoke a cigarette at a dining-table after dinner was the 
+King; some forty years ago, or more perhaps.  One of the many 
+social benefits we owe to his present Majesty.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+
+
+DURING my blindness I was hospitably housed in Eaten Place by 
+Mr. Whitbread, the head of the renowned firm.  After my 
+recovery I had the good fortune to meet there Lady Morgan, 
+the once famous authoress of the 'Wild Irish Girl.'  She 
+still bore traces of her former comeliness, and had probably 
+lost little of her sparkling vivacity.  She was known to like 
+the company of young people, as she said they made her feel 
+young; so, being the youngest of the party, I had the honour 
+of sitting next her at dinner.  When I recall her 
+conversation and her pleasing manners, I can well understand 
+the homage paid both abroad and at home to the bright genius 
+of the Irish actor's daughter.
+
+We talked a good deal about Byron and Lady Caroline Lamb.  
+This arose out of my saying I had been reading 'Glenarvon,' 
+in which Lady Caroline gives Byron's letters to herself as 
+Glenarvon's letters to the heroine.  Lady Morgan had been the 
+confidante of Lady Caroline, had seen many of Byron's 
+letters, and possessed many of her friend's - full of details 
+of the extraordinary intercourse which had existed between 
+the two.
+
+Lady Morgan evidently did not believe (in spite of Lady 
+Caroline's mad passion for the poet) that the liaison ever 
+reached the ultimate stage contemplated by her lover.  This 
+opinion was strengthened by Lady Caroline's undoubted 
+attachment to her husband - William Lamb, afterwards Lord 
+Melbourne - who seems to have submitted to his wife's 
+vagaries with his habitual stoicism and good humour.
+
+Both Byron and Lady Caroline had violent tempers, and were 
+always quarrelling.  This led to the final rupture, when, 
+according to my informant, the poet's conduct was outrageous.  
+He sent her some insulting lines, which Lady Morgan quoted.  
+The only one I remember is:
+
+
+Thou false to him, thou fiend to me!
+
+
+Among other amusing anecdotes she told was one of Disraeli.  
+She had met him (I forget where), soon after his first 
+success as the youthful author of 'Vivian Grey.'  He was 
+naturally made much of, but rather in the Bohemian world than 
+by such queens of society as Lady Holland or Lady Jersey.  
+'And faith!' she added, with the piquante accent which 
+excitement evoked, 'he took the full shine out of his janius.  
+And how do ye think he was dressed?  In a black velvet jacket 
+and suit to match, with a red sash round his waist, in which 
+was stuck a dagger with a richly jew'lled sheath and handle.'
+
+The only analogous instance of self-confidence that I can 
+call to mind was Garibaldi's costume at a huge reception at 
+Stafford House.  The ELITE of society was there, in diamonds, 
+ribbons, and stars, to meet him.  Garibaldi's uppermost and 
+outermost garment was a red flannel shirt, nothing more nor 
+less.
+
+The crowd jostled and swayed around him.  To get out of the 
+way of it, I retreated to the deserted picture gallery.  The 
+only person there was one who interested me more than the 
+scarlet patriot, Bulwer-Lytton the First.  He was sauntering 
+to and fro with his hands behind his back, looking dingy in 
+his black satin scarf, and dejected.  Was he envying the 
+Italian hero the obsequious reverence paid to his miner's 
+shirt?  (Nine tenths of the men, and still more of the women 
+there, knew nothing of the wearer, or his cause, beyond 
+that.)  Was he thinking of similar honours which had been 
+lavished upon himself when HIS star was in the zenith?  Was 
+he muttering to himself the usual consolation of the 'have-
+beens' - VANITAS VANITATUM?  Or what new fiction, what old 
+love, was flitting through that versatile and fantastic 
+brain?  Poor Bulwer!  He had written the best novel, the best 
+play, and had made the most eloquent parliamentary oration of 
+any man of his day.  But, like another celebrated statesman 
+who has lately passed away, he strutted his hour and will 
+soon be forgotten - 'Quand on broute sa gloire en herbe de 
+son vivant, on ne la recolte pas en epis apres sa mort.'  The 
+'Masses,' so courted by the one, however blatant, are not the 
+arbiters of immortal fame.
+
+To go back a few years before I met Lady Morgan:  when my 
+mother was living at 18 Arlington Street, Sydney Smith used 
+to be a constant visitor there.  One day he called just as we 
+were going to lunch.  He had been very ill, and would not eat 
+anything.  My mother suggested the wing of a chicken.
+
+'My dear lady,' said he, 'it was only yesterday that my 
+doctor positively refused my request for the wing of a 
+butterfly.'
+
+Another time when he was making a call I came to the door 
+before it was opened.  When the footman answered the bell, 
+'Is Lady Leicester at home?' he asked.
+
+'No, sir,' was the answer.
+
+'That's a good job,' he exclaimed, but with a heartiness that 
+fairly took Jeames' breath away.
+
+As Sydney's face was perfectly impassive, I never felt quite 
+sure whether this was for the benefit of myself or of the 
+astounded footman; or whether it was the genuine expression 
+of an absent mind.  He was a great friend of my mother's, and 
+of Mr. Ellice's, but his fits of abstraction were notorious.
+
+He himself records the fact.  'I knocked at a door in London, 
+asked, "Is Mrs. B- at home?"  "Yes, sir; pray what name shall 
+I say?"  I looked at the man's face astonished.  What name? 
+what name? aye, that is the question.  What is my name?  I 
+had no more idea who I was than if I had never existed.  I 
+did not know whether I was a dissenter or a layman.  I felt 
+as dull as Sternhold and Hopkins.  At last, to my great 
+relief, it flashed across me that I was Sydney Smith.'
+
+In the summer of the year 1848 Napier and I stayed a couple 
+of nights with Captain Marryat at Langham, near Blakeney.  He 
+used constantly to come over to Holkham to watch our cricket 
+matches.  His house was a glorified cottage, very comfortable 
+and prettily decorated.  The dining and sitting-rooms were 
+hung with the original water-colour drawings - mostly by 
+Stanfield, I think - which illustrated his minor works.  
+Trophies from all parts of the world garnished the walls.  
+The only inmates beside us two were his son, a strange, but 
+clever young man with considerable artistic abilities, and 
+his talented daughter, Miss Florence, since so well known to 
+novel readers.
+
+Often as I had spoken to Marryat, I never could quite make 
+him out.  Now that I was his guest his habitual reserve 
+disappeared, and despite his failing health he was geniality 
+itself.  Even this I did not fully understand at first.  At 
+the dinner-table his amusement seemed, I won't say to make a 
+'butt' of me - his banter was too good-natured for that - but 
+he treated me as Dr. Primrose treated his son after the 
+bushel-of-green-spectacles bargain.  He invented the most 
+wonderful stories, and told them with imperturbable 
+sedateness.  Finding a credulous listener in me, he drew all 
+the more freely upon his invention.  When, however, he 
+gravely asserted that Jonas was not the only man who had 
+spent three days and three nights in a whale's belly, but 
+that he himself had caught a whale with a man inside it who 
+had lived there for more than a year on blubber, which, he 
+declared, was better than turtle soup, it was impossible to 
+resist the fooling, and not forget that one was the Moses of 
+the extravaganza.
+
+In the evening he proposed that his son and daughter and I 
+should act a charade.  Napier was the audience, and Marryat 
+himself the orchestra - that is, he played on his fiddle such 
+tunes as a ship's fiddler or piper plays to the heaving of 
+the anchor, or for hoisting in cargo.  Everyone was in 
+romping spirits, and notwithstanding the cheery Captain's 
+signs of fatigue and worn looks, which he evidently strove to 
+conceal, the evening had all the freshness and spirit of an 
+impromptu pleasure.
+
+When I left, Marryat gave me his violin, with some sad words 
+about his not being likely to play upon it more.  Perhaps he 
+knew better than we how prophetically he was speaking.  
+Barely three weeks afterwards I learnt that the humorous 
+creator of 'Midshipman Easy' would never make us laugh again.
+
+In 1846 Lord John Russell succeeded Sir Robert Peel as 
+premier.  At the General Election, a brother of mine was the 
+Liberal candidate for the seat in East Norfolk.  He was 
+returned; but was threatened with defeat through an 
+occurrence in which I was innocently involved.
+
+The largest landowner in this division of the county, next to 
+my brother Leicester, was Lord Hastings - great-grandfather 
+of the present lord.  On the occasion I am referring to, he 
+was a guest at Holkham, where a large party was then 
+assembled.  Leicester was particularly anxious to be civil to 
+his powerful neighbour; and desired the members of his family 
+to show him every attention.  The little lord was an 
+exceedingly punctilious man:  as scrupulously dapper in 
+manner as he was in dress.  Nothing could be more courteous, 
+more smiling, than his habitual demeanour; but his bite was 
+worse than his bark, and nobody knew which candidate his 
+agents had instructions to support in the coming contest.  It 
+was quite on the cards that the secret order would turn the 
+scales.
+
+One evening after dinner, when the ladies had left us, the 
+men were drawn together and settled down to their wine.  It 
+was before the days of cigarettes, and claret was plentifully 
+imbibed.  I happened to be seated next to Lord Hastings on 
+his left; on the other side of him was Spencer Lyttelton, 
+uncle of our Colonial Secretary.  Spencer Lyttelton was a 
+notable character.  He had much of the talents and amiability 
+of his distinguished family; but he was eccentric, 
+exceedingly comic, and dangerously addicted to practical 
+jokes.  One of these he now played upon the spruce and 
+vigilant little potentate whom it was our special aim to win.
+
+As the decanters circulated from right to left, Spencer 
+filled himself a bumper, and passed the bottles on.  Lord 
+Hastings followed suit.  I, unfortunately, was speaking to 
+Lyttelton behind Lord Hastings's back, and as he turned and 
+pushed the wine to me, the incorrigible joker, catching sight 
+of the handkerchief sticking out of my lord's coat-tail, 
+quick as thought drew it open and emptied his full glass into 
+the gaping pocket.  A few minutes later Lord Hastings, who 
+took snuff, discovered what had happened.  He held the 
+dripping cloth up for inspection, and with perfect urbanity 
+deposited it on his dessert plate.
+
+Leicester looked furious, but said nothing till we joined the 
+ladies.  He first spoke to Hastings, and then to me.  What 
+passed between the two I do not know.  To me, he said:  
+'Hastings tells me it was you who poured the claret into his 
+pocket.  This will lose the election.  After to-morrow, I 
+shall want your room.'  Of course, the culprit confessed; and 
+my brother got the support we hoped for.  Thus it was that 
+the political interests of several thousands of electors 
+depended on a glass of wine.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII
+
+
+
+I HAD completed my second year at the University, when, in 
+October 1848, just as I was about to return to Cambridge 
+after the long vacation, an old friend - William Grey, the 
+youngest of the ex-Prime-Minister's sons - called on me at my 
+London lodgings.  He was attached to the Vienna Embassy, 
+where his uncle, Lord Ponsonby, was then ambassador.  Shortly 
+before this there had been serious insurrections both in 
+Paris, Vienna, and Berlin.
+
+Many may still be living who remember how Louis Philippe fled 
+to England; how the infection spread over this country; how 
+25,000 Chartists met on Kennington Common; how the upper and 
+middle classes of London were enrolled as special constables, 
+with the future Emperor of the French amongst them; how the 
+promptitude of the Iron Duke saved London, at least, from the 
+fate of the French and Austrian capitals.
+
+This, however, was not till the following spring.  Up to 
+October, no overt defiance of the Austrian Government had yet 
+asserted itself; but the imminence of an outbreak was the 
+anxious thought of the hour.  The hot heads of Germany, 
+France, and England were more than meditating - they were 
+threatening, and preparing for, a European revolution.  
+Bloody battles were to be fought; kings and emperors were to 
+be dethroned and decapitated; mobs were to take the place of 
+parliaments; the leaders of the 'people' - I.E. the stump 
+orators - were to rule the world; property was to be divided 
+and subdivided down to the shirt on a man's - a rich man's - 
+back; and every 'po'r' man was to have his own, and - 
+somebody else's.  This was the divine law of Nature, 
+according to the gospels of Saint Jean Jacques and Mr. 
+Feargus O'Connor.  We were all naked under our clothes, which 
+clearly proved our equality.  This was the simple, the 
+beautiful programme; once carried out, peace, fraternal and 
+eternal peace, would reign - till it ended, and the earthly 
+Paradise would be an accomplished fact.
+
+I was an ultra-Radical - a younger-son Radical - in those 
+days.  I was quite ready to share with my elder brother; I 
+had no prejudice in favour of my superiors; I had often 
+dreamed of becoming a leader of the 'people' - a stump 
+orator, I.E. - with the handsome emoluments of ministerial 
+office.
+
+William Grey came to say good-bye.  He was suddenly recalled 
+in consequence of the insurrection.  'It is a most critical 
+state of affairs,' he said.  'A revolution may break out all 
+over the Continent at any moment.  There's no saying where it 
+may end.  We are on the eve of a new epoch in the history of 
+Europe.  I wouldn't miss it on any account.'
+
+'Most interesting! most interesting!' I exclaimed.  'How I 
+wish I were going with you!'
+
+'Come,' said he, with engaging brevity.
+
+'How can I?  I'm just going back to Cambridge.'
+
+'You are of age, aren't you?'
+
+I nodded.
+
+'And your own master?  Come; you'll never have such a chance 
+again.'
+
+'When do you start?'
+
+'To-morrow morning early.'
+
+'But it is too late to get a passport.'
+
+'Not a bit of it.  I have to go to the Foreign Office for my 
+despatches.  Dine with me to-night at my mother's - nobody 
+else - and I'll bring your passport in my pocket.'
+
+'So be it, then.  Billy Whistle [the irreverend nickname we 
+undergraduates gave the Master of Trinity] will rusticate me 
+to a certainty.  It can't be helped.  The cause is sacred.  
+I'll meet you at Lady Grey's to-night.'
+
+We reached our destination at daylight on October 9.  We had 
+already heard, while changing carriages at Breslau station, 
+that the revolution had broken out at Vienna, that the rails 
+were torn up, the Bahn-hof burnt, the military defeated and 
+driven from the town.  William Grey's official papers, aided 
+by his fluent German, enabled us to pass the barriers, and 
+find our way into the city.  He went straight to the Embassy, 
+and sent me on to the 'Erzherzog Carl' in the Karnthner Thor 
+Strasse, at that time the best hotel in Vienna.  It being 
+still nearly dark, candles were burning in every window by 
+order of the insurgents.
+
+The preceding day had been an eventful one.  The 
+proletariats, headed by the students, had sacked the arsenal, 
+the troops having made but slight resistance.  They then 
+marched to the War Office and demanded the person of the War 
+Minister, Count Latour, who was most unpopular on account of 
+his known appeal to Jellachich, the Ban of Croatia, to 
+assist, if required, in putting down the disturbances.  Some 
+sharp fighting here took place.  The rioters defeated the 
+small body of soldiers on the spot, captured two guns, and 
+took possession of the building.  The unfortunate minister 
+was found in one of the upper garrets of the palace.  The 
+ruffians dragged him from his place of concealment, and 
+barbarously murdered him.  They then flung his body from the 
+window, and in a few minutes it was hanging from a lamp-post 
+above the heads of the infuriated and yelling mob.
+
+In 1848 the inner city of Vienna was enclosed within a broad 
+and lofty bastion, fosse, and glacis.  These were levelled in 
+1857.  As soon as the troops were expelled, cannon were 
+placed on the Bastei so as to command the approaches from 
+without.  The tunnelled gateways were built up, and 
+barricades erected across every principal thoroughfare.  
+Immediately after these events Ferdinand I. abdicated in 
+favour of the present Emperor Francis Joseph, who retired 
+with the Court to Schobrunn.  Foreigners at once took flight, 
+and the hotels were emptied.  The only person left in the 
+'Archduke Charles' beside myself was Mr. Bowen, afterwards 
+Sir George, Governor of New Zealand, with whom I was glad to 
+fraternise.
+
+These humble pages do not aspire to the dignity of History; 
+but a few words as to what took place are needful for the 
+writer's purposes.  The garrison in Vienna had been 
+comparatively small; and as the National Guard had joined the 
+students and proletariats, it was deemed advisable by the 
+Government to await the arrival of reinforcements under 
+Prince Windischgratz, who, together with a strong body of 
+Servians and Croats under Jellachich, might overawe the 
+insurgents; or, if not, recapture the city without 
+unnecessary bloodshed.  The rebels were buoyed up by hopes of 
+support from the Hungarians under Kossuth.  But in this they 
+were disappointed.  In less than three weeks from the day of 
+the outbreak the city was beleaguered.  Fighting began 
+outside the town on the 24th.  On the 25th the soldiers 
+occupied the Wieden and Nussdorf suburbs.  Next day the 
+Gemeinderath (Municipal Council) sent a PARLEMENTAR to treat 
+with Windischgratz.  The terms were rejected, and the city 
+was taken by storm on October 30.
+
+A few days before the bombardment, the Austrian commander 
+gave the usual notice to the Ambassadors to quit the town.  
+This they accordingly did.  Before leaving, Lord Ponsonby 
+kindly sent his private secretary, Mr. George Samuel, to warn 
+me and invite me to join him at Schonbrunn.  I politely 
+elected to stay and take my chance.  After the attack on the 
+suburbs began I had reason to regret the decision.  The 
+hotels were entered by patrols, and all efficient waiters 
+KOMMANDIERE'D to work at the barricades, or carry arms.  On 
+the fourth day I settled to change sides.  The constant 
+banging of big guns, and rattle of musketry, with the 
+impossibility of getting either air or exercise without the 
+risk of being indefinitely deprived of both, was becoming 
+less amusing than I had counted on.  I was already provided 
+with a PASSIERSCHEIN, which franked me inside the town, and 
+up to the insurgents' outposts.  The difficulty was how to 
+cross the neutral ground and the two opposing lines.  Broad 
+daylight was the safest time for the purpose; the officious 
+sentry is not then so apt to shoot his friend.  With much 
+stalking and dodging I made a bolt; and, notwithstanding 
+violent gesticulations and threats, got myself safely seized 
+and hurried before the nearest commanding officer.
+
+He happened to be a general or a colonel.  He was a fierce 
+looking, stout old gentleman with a very red face, all the 
+redder for his huge white moustache and well-filled white 
+uniform.  He began by fuming and blustering as if about to 
+order me to summary execution.  He spoke so fast, it was not 
+easy to follow him.  Probably my amateur German was as 
+puzzling to him.  The PASSIERSCHEIN, which I produced, was 
+not in my favour; unfortunately I had forgotten my Foreign 
+Office passport.  What further added to his suspicion was his 
+inability to comprehend why I had not availed myself of the 
+notice, duly given to all foreigners, to leave the city 
+before active hostilities began.  How anyone, who had the 
+choice, could be fool enough to stay and be shelled or 
+bayoneted, was (from his point of view) no proof of 
+respectability.  I assured him he was mistaken if he thought 
+I had a predilection for either of these alternatives.
+
+'It was just because I desired to avoid both that I had 
+sought, not without risk, the protection I was so sure of 
+finding at the hands of a great and gallant soldier.'
+
+'Dummes Zeug! dummes Zeug!' (stuff o' nonsense), he puffed.  
+But a peppery man's good humour is often as near the surface 
+as his bad.  I detected a pleasant sparkle in his eye.
+
+'Pardon me, Excellenz,' said I, 'my presence here is the best 
+proof of my sincerity.'
+
+'That,' said he sharply, 'is what every rascal might plead 
+when caught with a rebel's pass in his pocket.  Geleitsbriefe 
+fur Schurken sind Steckbriefe fur die Gerechtigkeit.'  (Safe-
+conduct passes for knaves are writs of capias to honest men.)
+
+I answered:  'But an English gentleman is not a knave; and no 
+one knows the difference better than your Excellenz.'  The 
+term 'Schurken' (knaves) had stirred my fire; and though I 
+made a deferential bow, I looked as indignant as I felt.
+
+'Well, well,' he said pacifically, 'you may go about your 
+business.  But SEHEN SIE, young man, take my advice, don't 
+satisfy your curiosity at the cost of a broken head.  Dazu 
+gehoren Kerle die eigens geschaffen sind.'  As much as to 
+say:  'Leave halters to those who are born to be hanged.'  
+Indeed, the old fellow looked as if he had enjoyed life too 
+well to appreciate parting with it gratuitously.
+
+I had nothing with me save the clothes on my back.  When I 
+should again have access to the 'Erzherzcg Carl' was 
+impossible to surmise.  The only decent inn I knew of outside 
+the walls was the 'Golden Lamm,' on the suburb side of the 
+Donau Canal, close to the Ferdinand bridge which faces the 
+Rothen Thurm Thor.  Here I entered, and found it occupied by 
+a company of Nassau JAGERS.  A barricade was thrown up across 
+the street leading to the bridge.  Behind it were two guns.  
+One end of the barricade abutted on the 'Golden Lamm.'  With 
+the exception of the soldiers, the inn seemed to be deserted; 
+and I wanted both food and lodging.  The upper floor was full 
+of JAGERS.  The front windows over-looked the Bastei.  These 
+were now blocked with mattresses, to protect the men from 
+bullets.  The distance from the ramparts was not more than 
+150 yards, and woe to the student or the fat grocer, in his 
+National Guard uniform, who showed his head above the walls.  
+While I was in the attics a gun above the city gate fired at 
+the battery below.  I ran down a few minutes later to see the 
+result.  One artilleryman had been killed.  He was already 
+laid under the gun-carriage, his head covered with a cloak.
+
+The storming took place a day or two afterwards.  One of the 
+principal points of resistance had been at the bottom of the 
+Jagerzeile.  The insurgents had a battery of several guns 
+here; and the handsome houses at the corners facing the 
+Prater had been loop-holed and filled with students.  I 
+walked round the town after all was over, and was especially 
+impressed with the horrors I witnessed.  The beautiful 
+houses, with their gorgeous furniture, were a mass of smoking 
+ruins.  Not a soul was to be seen, not even a prowling thief.  
+I picked my way into one or two of them without hindrance.  
+Here and there were a heap of bodies, some burnt to cinders, 
+some with their clothes still smouldering.  The smell of the 
+roasted flesh was a disgusting association for a long time to 
+come.  But the whole was sickening to look at, and still more 
+so, if possible, to reflect upon; for this was the price 
+which so often has been, so often will be, paid for the 
+alluring dream of liberty, and for the pursuit of that 
+mischievous will-o'-the-wisp - jealous Equality.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII
+
+
+
+VIENNA in the early part of the last century was looked upon 
+as the gayest capital in Europe.  Even the frightful 
+convulsion it had passed through only checked for a while its 
+chronic pursuit of pleasure.  The cynical philosopher might 
+be tempted to contrast this not infrequent accessory of 
+paternal rule with the purity and contentment so fondly 
+expected from a democracy - or shall we say a demagoguey?  
+The cherished hopes of the so-called patriots had been 
+crushed; and many were the worse for the struggle.  But the 
+majority naturally subsided into their customary vocations - 
+beer-drinking, pipe-smoking, music, dancing, and play-going.
+
+The Vienna of 1848 was the Vienna described by Madame de 
+Stael in 1810:  'Dans ce pays, l'on traite les plaisirs comme 
+les devoirs. . . . Vous verrez des hommes et des femmes 
+executer gravement, l'un vis-a-vis de l'autre, les pas d'un 
+menuet dont ils sont impose l'amusement, . . . comme s'il 
+[the couple] dansait pour l'acquit de sa conscience.'
+
+Every theatre and place of amusement was soon re-opened.  
+There was an excellent opera; Strauss - the original - 
+presided over weekly balls and concerts.  For my part, being 
+extremely fond of music, I worked industriously at the 
+violin, also at German.  My German master, Herr Mauthner by 
+name, was a little hump-backed Jew, who seemed to know every 
+man and woman (especially woman) worth knowing in Vienna.  
+Through him I made the acquaintance of several families of 
+the middle class, - amongst them that of a veteran musician 
+who had been Beethoven's favourite flute-player.  As my 
+veneration for Beethoven was unbounded, I listened with awe 
+to every trifling incident relating to the great master.  I 
+fear the conviction left on my mind was that my idol, though 
+transcendent amongst musicians, was a bear amongst men.  
+Pride (according to his ancient associate) was his strong 
+point.  This he vindicated by excessive rudeness to everyone 
+whose social position was above his own.  Even those that did 
+him a good turn were suspected of patronising.  Condescension 
+was a prerogative confined to himself.  In this respect, to 
+be sure, there was nothing singular.
+
+At the house of the old flutist we played family quartets, - 
+he, the father, taking the first violin part on his flute, I 
+the second, the son the 'cello, and his daughter the piano.  
+It was an atmosphere of music that we all inhaled; and my 
+happiness on these occasions would have been unalloyed, had 
+not the young lady - a damsel of six-and-forty - insisted on 
+poisoning me (out of compliment to my English tastes) with a 
+bitter decoction she was pleased to call tea.  This delicate 
+attention, I must say, proved an effectual souvenir till we 
+met again - I dreaded it.
+
+Now and then I dined at the Embassy.  One night I met there 
+Prince Paul Esterhazy, so distinguished by his diamonds when 
+Austrian Ambassador at the coronation of Queen Victoria.  He 
+talked to me of the Holkham sheep-shearing gatherings, at 
+which from 200 to 300 guests sat down to dinner every day, 
+including crowned heads, and celebrities from both sides of 
+the Atlantic.  He had twice assisted at these in my father's 
+time.  He also spoke of the shooting; and promised, if I 
+would visit him in Hungary, he would show me as good sport as 
+had ever seen in Norfolk.  He invited Mr. Magenis - the 
+Secretary of Legation - to accompany me.
+
+The following week we two hired a BRITZCKA, and posted to 
+Eisenstadt.  The lordly grandeur of this last of the feudal 
+princes manifested itself soon after we crossed the Hungarian 
+frontier.  The first sign of it was the livery and badge worn 
+by the postillions.  Posting houses, horses and roads, were 
+all the property of His Transparency.
+
+Eisenstadt itself, though not his principal seat, is a large 
+palace - three sides of a triangle.  One wing is the 
+residence, that opposite the barrack, (he had his own 
+troops,) and the connecting base part museum and part 
+concert-hall.  This last was sanctified by the spirit of 
+Joseph Haydn, for so many years Kapellmeister to the 
+Esterhazy family.  The conductor's stand and his spinet 
+remained intact.  Even the stools and desks in the orchestra 
+(so the Prince assured me) were ancient.  The very dust was 
+sacred.  Sitting alone in the dim space, one could fancy the 
+great little man still there, in his snuff-coloured coat and 
+ruffles, half buried (as on state occasions) in his 'ALLONGE 
+PERUCKE.'  A tap of his magic wand starts into life his 
+quaint old-fashioned band, and the powder flies from their 
+wigs.  Soft, distant, ghostly harmonies of the Surprise 
+Symphony float among the rafters; and now, as in a dream, we 
+are listening to - nay, beholding - the glorious process of 
+Creation; till suddenly the mighty chord is struck, and we 
+are startled from our trance by the burst of myriad voices 
+echoing the command and its fulfilment, 'Let there be light:  
+and there was light.'
+
+Only a family party was assembled in the house.  A Baron 
+something, and a Graf something - both relations, - and the 
+son, afterwards Ambassador at St. Petersburg during the 
+Crimean War.  The latter was married to Lady Sarah Villiers, 
+who was also there.  It is amusing to think that the 
+beautiful daughter of the proud Lady Jersey should be looked 
+upon by the Austrians as somewhat of a MESALLIANCE for one of 
+the chiefs of their nobility.  Certain it is that the young 
+Princess was received by them, till they knew her, with more 
+condescension than enthusiasm.
+
+An air of feudal magnificence pervaded the palace:  spacious 
+reception-rooms hung with armour and trophies of the chase; 
+numbers of domestics in epauletted and belaced, but ill-
+fitting, liveries; the prodigal supply and nationality of the 
+comestibles - wild boar with marmalade, venison and game of 
+all sorts with excellent 'Eingemachtes' and 'Mehlspeisen' 
+galore - a feast for a Gamache or a Gargantua.  But then, all 
+save three, remember, were Germans - and Germans!  Noteworthy 
+was the delicious Chateau Y'quem, of which the Prince 
+declared he had a monopoly - meaning the best, I presume.  
+After dinner the son, his brother-in-law, and I, smoked our 
+meerschaums and played pools of ECARTE in the young Prince's 
+room.  Magenis, who was much our senior, had his rubber 
+downstairs with the elders.
+
+The life was pleasant enough, but there was one little 
+medieval peculiarity which almost made one look for retainers 
+in goat-skins and rushes on the floor, - there was not a bath 
+(except the Princess's) in the palace!  It was with 
+difficulty that my English servant foraged a tub from the 
+kitchen or the laundry.  As to other sanitary arrangements, 
+they were what they doubtless had been in the days of Almos 
+and his son, the mighty Arped.  In keeping with these 
+venerable customs, I had a sentry at the door of my 
+apartments; to protect me, belike, from the ghosts of 
+predatory barons and marauders.
+
+During the week we had two days' shooting; one in the 
+coverts, quite equal to anything of the kind in England, the 
+other at wild boar.  For the latter, a tract of the 
+Carpathian Mountains had been driven for some days before 
+into a wood of about a hundred acres.  At certain points 
+there were sheltered stands, raised four or five feet from 
+the ground, so that the sportsmen had a commanding view of 
+the broad alley or clearing in front of him, across which the 
+stags or boar were driven by an army of beaters.
+
+I had my own double-barrelled rifle; but besides this, a man 
+with a rack on his back bearing three rifles of the prince's, 
+a loader, and a FORSTER, with a hunting knife or short sword 
+to despatch the wounded quarry.  Out of the first rush of 
+pigs that went by I knocked over two; and, in my keenness, 
+jumped out of the stand with the FORSTER who ran to finish 
+them off.  I was immediately collared and brought back; and 
+as far as I could make out, was taken for a lunatic, or at 
+least for a 'duffer,' for my rash attempt to approach unarmed 
+a wounded tusker.  When we all met at the end of the day, the 
+bag of the five guns was forty-five wild boars.  The biggest 
+- and he was a monster - fell to the rifle of the Prince, as 
+was of course intended.
+
+The old man took me home in his carriage.  It was a beautiful 
+drive.  One's idea of an English park - even such a park as 
+Windsor's - dwindled into that of a pleasure ground, when 
+compared with the boundless territory we drove through.  To 
+be sure, it was no more a park than is the New Forest; but it 
+had all the character of the best English scenery - miles of 
+fine turf, dotted with clumps of splendid trees, and gigantic 
+oaks standing alone in their majesty.  Now and then a herd of 
+red deer were startled in some sequestered glade; but no 
+cattle, no sheep, no sign of domestic care.  Struck with the 
+charm of this primeval wilderness, I made some remark about 
+the richness of the pasture, and wondered there were no sheep 
+to be seen.  'There,' said the old man, with a touch of 
+pride, as he pointed to the blue range of the Carpathians; 
+'that is my farm.  I will tell you.  All the celebrities of 
+the day who were interested in farming used to meet at 
+Holkham for what was called the sheep-shearing.  I once told 
+your father I had more shepherds on my farm than there were 
+sheep on his.'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV
+
+
+
+IT WAS with a sorry heart that I bade farewell to my Vienna 
+friends, my musical comrades, the Legation hospitalities, and 
+my faithful little Israelite.  But the colt frisks over the 
+pasture from sheer superfluity of energy; and between one's 
+second and third decades instinctive restlessness - 
+spontaneous movement - is the law of one's being.  'Tis then 
+that 'Hope builds as fast as knowledge can destroy.'  The 
+enjoyment we abandon is never so sweet as that we seek.  
+'Pleasure never is at home.'  Happiness means action for its 
+own sake, change, incessant change.
+
+I sought and found it in Bavaria, Bohemia, Russia, all over 
+Germany, and dropped anchor one day in Cracow; a week 
+afterwards in Warsaw.  These were out-of-the-way places then; 
+there were no tourists in those days; I did not meet a single 
+compatriot either in the Polish or Russian town.
+
+At Warsaw I had an adventure not unlike that which befell me 
+at Vienna.  The whole of Europe, remember, was in a state of 
+political ferment.  Poland was at least as ready to rise 
+against its oppressor then as now; and the police was 
+proportionately strict and arbitrary.  An army corps was 
+encamped on the right bank of the Vistula, ready for expected 
+emergencies.  Under these circumstances, passports, as may be 
+supposed, were carefully inspected; except in those of 
+British subjects, the person of the bearer was described - 
+his height, the colour of his hair (if he had any), or any 
+mark that distinguished him.
+
+In my passport, after my name, was added 'ET SON DOMESTIQUE.'  
+The inspector who examined it at the frontier pointed to 
+this, and, in indifferent German, asked me where that 
+individual was.  I replied that I had sent him with my 
+baggage to Dresden, to await my arrival there.  A 
+consultation thereupon took place with another official, in a 
+language I did not understand; and to my dismay I was 
+informed that I was - in custody.  The small portmanteau I 
+had with me, together with my despatch-box, was seized; the 
+latter contained a quantity of letters and my journal.  Money 
+only was I permitted to retain.
+
+Quite by the way, but adding greatly to my discomfort, was 
+the fact that since leaving Prague, where I had relinquished 
+everything I could dispense with, I had had much night 
+travelling amongst native passengers, who so valued 
+cleanliness that they economised it with religious care.  By 
+the time I reached Warsaw, I may say, without metonymy, that 
+I was itching (all over) for a bath and a change of linen.  
+My irritation, indeed, was at its height.  But there was no 
+appeal; and on my arrival I was haled before the authorities.
+
+Again, their head was a general officer, though not the least 
+like my portly friend at Vienna.  His business was to sit in 
+judgment upon delinquents such as I.  He was a spare, austere 
+man, surrounded by a sharp-looking aide-de-camp, several 
+clerks in uniform, and two or three men in mufti, whom I took 
+to be detectives.  The inspector who arrested me was present 
+with my open despatch-box and journal.  The journal he handed 
+to the aide, who began at once to look it through while his 
+chief was disposing of another case.
+
+To be suspected and dragged before this tribunal was, for the 
+time being (as I afterwards learnt) almost tantamount to 
+condemnation.  As soon as the General had sentenced my 
+predecessor, I was accosted as a self-convicted criminal.  
+Fortunately he spoke French like a Frenchman; and, as it 
+presently appeared, a few words of English.
+
+'What country do you belong to?' he asked, as if the question 
+was but a matter of form, put for decency's sake - a mere 
+prelude to committal.
+
+'England, of course; you can see that by my passport.'  I was 
+determined to fence him with his own weapons.  Indeed, in 
+those innocent days of my youth, I enjoyed a genuine British 
+contempt for foreigners - in the lump - which, after all, is 
+about as impartial a sentiment as its converse, that one's 
+own country is always in the wrong.
+
+'Where did you get it?' (with a face of stone).
+
+PRISONER (NAIVELY): 'Where did I get it?  I do not follow 
+you.'  (Don't forget, please, that said prisoner's apparel 
+was unvaleted, his hands unwashed, his linen unchanged, his 
+hair unkempt, and his face unshaven).
+
+GENERAL (stonily): '"Where did you get it?" was my question.'
+
+PRISONER (quietly): 'From Lord Palmerston.'
+
+GENERAL (glancing at that Minister's signature): 'It says 
+here, "et son domestique" - you have no domestique.'
+
+PRISONER (calmly): 'Pardon me, I have a domestic.'
+
+GENERAL (with severity), 'Where is he?'
+
+PRISONER: 'At Dresden by this time, I hope.'
+
+GENERAL (receiving journal from aide-de-camp, who points to a 
+certain page): 'You state here you were caught by the 
+Austrians in a pretended escape from the Viennese insurgents; 
+and add, "They evidently took me for a spy" [returning 
+journal to aide].  What is your explanation of this?'
+
+PRISONER (shrugging shoulders disdainfully): 'In the first 
+place, the word "pretended" is not in my journal.  In the 
+second, although of course it does not follow, if one takes 
+another person for a man of sagacity or a gentleman - it does 
+not follow that he is either - still, when - '
+
+GENERAL (with signs of impatience): 'I have here a 
+PASSIERSCHEIN, found amongst your papers and signed by the 
+rebels.  They would not have given you this, had you not been 
+on friendly terms with them.  You will be detained until I 
+have further particulars.'
+
+PRISONER (angrily): 'I will assist you, through Her Britannic 
+Majesty's Consul, with whom I claim the right to communicate.  
+I beg to inform you that I am neither a spy nor a socialist, 
+but the son of an English peer' (heaven help the relevancy!).  
+'An Englishman has yet to learn that Lord Palmerston's 
+signature is to be set at naught and treated with contumacy.'
+
+The General beckoned to the inspector to put an end to the 
+proceedings.  But the aide, who had been studying the 
+journal, again placed it in his chief's hands.  A colloquy 
+ensued, in which I overheard the name of Lord Ponsonby.  The 
+enemy seemed to waver, so I charged with a renewed request to 
+see the English Consul.  A pause; then some remarks in 
+Russian from the aide; then the GENERAL (in suaver tones): 
+'The English Consul, I find, is absent on a month's leave.  
+If what you state is true, you acted unadvisedly in not 
+having your passport altered and REVISE when you parted with 
+your servant.  How long do you wish to remain here?'
+
+Said I, 'Vous avez bien raison, Monsieur.  Je suis evidemment 
+dans mon tort.  Ma visite a Varsovie etait une aberration.  
+As to my stay, je suis deja tout ce qu'il y a de plus ennuye.  
+I have seen enough of Warsaw to last for the rest of my 
+days.'
+
+Eventually my portmanteau and despatch-box were restored to 
+me; and I took up my quarters in the filthiest inn (there was 
+no better, I believe) that it was ever my misfortune to lodge 
+at.  It was ancient, dark, dirty, and dismal.  My sitting-
+room (I had a cupboard besides to sleep in) had but one 
+window, looking into a gloomy courtyard.  The furniture 
+consisted of two wooden chairs and a spavined horsehair sofa.  
+The ceiling was low and lamp-blacked; the stained paper fell 
+in strips from the sweating walls; fortunately there was no 
+carpet; but if anything could have added to the occupier's 
+depression it was the sight of his own distorted features in 
+a shattered glass, which seemed to watch him like a detective 
+and take notes of his movements - a real Russian mirror.
+
+But the resources of one-and-twenty are not easily daunted, 
+even by the presence of the CIMEX LECTULARIUS or the PULEX 
+IRRITANS.  I inquired for a LAQUAIS DE PLACE, - some human 
+being to consort with was the most pressing of immediate 
+wants.  As luck would have it, the very article was in the 
+dreary courtyard, lurking spider-like for the innocent 
+traveller just arrived.  Elective affinity brought us at once 
+to friendly intercourse.  He was of the Hebrew race, as the 
+larger half of the Warsaw population still are.  He was a 
+typical Jew (all Jews are typical), though all are not so 
+thin as was Beninsky.  His eyes were sunk in sockets deepened 
+by the sharpness of his bird-of-prey beak; a single corkscrew 
+ringlet dropped tearfully down each cheek; and his one front 
+tooth seemed sometimes in his upper, sometimes in his lower 
+jaw.  His skull-cap and his gabardine might have been 
+heirlooms from the Patriarch Jacob; and his poor hands seemed 
+made for clawing.  But there was a humble and contrite spirit 
+in his sad eyes.  The history of his race was written in 
+them; but it was modern history that one read in their 
+hopeless and appealing look.
+
+His cringing manner and his soft voice (we conversed in 
+German) touched my heart.  I have always had a liking for the 
+Jews.  Who shall reckon how much some of us owe them!  They 
+have always interested me as a peculiar people - admitting 
+sometimes, as in poor Beninsky's case, of purifying, no 
+doubt; yet, if occasionally zealous (and who is not?) of 
+interested works - cent. per cent. works, often - yes, more 
+often than we Christians - zealous of good works, of open-
+handed, large-hearted munificence, of charity in its 
+democratic and noblest sense.  Shame upon the nations which 
+despise and persecute them for faults which they, the 
+persecutors, have begotten!  Shame on those who have extorted 
+both their money and their teeth!  I think if I were a Jew I 
+should chuckle to see my shekels furnish all the wars in 
+which Christians cut one another's Christian weasands.
+
+And who has not a tenderness for the 'beautiful and well-
+favoured' Rachels, and the 'tender-eyed' Leahs, and the 
+tricksy little Zilpahs, and the Rebekahs, from the wife of 
+Isaac of Gerar to the daughter of Isaac of York?  Who would 
+not love to sit with Jessica where moonlight sleeps, and 
+watch the patines of bright gold reflected in her heavenly 
+orbs?  I once knew a Jessica, a Polish Jessica, who - but 
+that was in Vienna, more than half a century ago.
+
+Beninsky's orbs brightened visibly when I bade him break his 
+fast at my high tea.  I ordered everything they had in the 
+house I think, - a cold Pomeranian GANSEBRUST, a garlicky 
+WURST, and GERAUCHERTE LACHS.  I had a packet of my own 
+Fortnum and Mason's Souchong; and when the stove gave out its 
+glow, and the samovar its music, Beninsky's gratitude and his 
+hunger passed the limits of restraint.  Late into the night 
+we smoked our meerschaums.
+
+When I spoke of the Russians, he got up nervously to see the 
+door was shut, and whispered with bated breath.  What a 
+relief it was to him to meet a man to whom he could pour out 
+his griefs, his double griefs, as Pole and Israelite.  Before 
+we parted I made him put the remains of the sausage (!) and 
+the goose-breast under his petticoats.  I bade him come to me 
+in the morning and show me all that was worth seeing in 
+Warsaw.  When he left, with tears in his eyes, I was consoled 
+to think that for one night at any rate he and his GANSEBRUST 
+and sausage would rest peacefully in Abraham's bosom.  What 
+Abraham would say to the sausage I did not ask; nor perhaps 
+did my poor Beninsky.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV
+
+
+
+THE remainder of the year '49 has left me nothing to tell.  
+For me, it was the inane life of that draff of Society - the 
+young man-about-town:  the tailor's, the haberdasher's, the 
+bootmaker's, and trinket-maker's, young man; the dancing and 
+'hell'-frequenting young man; the young man of the 'Cider 
+Cellars' and Piccadilly saloons; the valiant dove-slayer, the 
+park-lounger, the young lady's young man - who puts his hat 
+into mourning, and turns up his trousers because - because 
+the other young man does ditto, ditto.
+
+I had a share in the Guards' omnibus box at Covent Garden, 
+with the privilege attached of going behind the scenes.  Ah! 
+that was a real pleasure.  To listen night after night to 
+Grisi and Mario, Alboni and Lablache, Viardot and Ronconi, 
+Persiani and Tamburini, - and Jenny Lind too, though she was 
+at the other house.  And what an orchestra was Costa's - with 
+Sainton leader, and Lindley and old Dragonetti, who together 
+but alone, accompanied the RECITATIVE with their harmonious 
+chords on 'cello and double-bass.  Is singing a lost art?  Or 
+is that but a TEMPORIS ACTI question?  We who heard those now 
+silent voices fancy there are none to match them nowadays.  
+Certainly there are no dancers like Taglioni, and Cerito, and 
+Fanny Elsler, and Carlotta Grisi.
+
+After the opera and the ball, one finished the night at 
+Vauxhall or Ranelagh; then as gay, and exactly the same, as 
+they were when Miss Becky Sharpe and fat Jos supped there 
+only five-and-thirty years before.
+
+Except at the Opera, and the Philharmonic, and Exeter Hall, 
+one rarely heard good music.  Monsieur Jullien, that prince 
+of musical mountebanks - the 'Prince of Waterloo,' as John 
+Ella called him, was the first to popularise classical music 
+at his promenade concerts, by tentatively introducing a 
+single movement of a symphony here and there in the programme 
+of his quadrilles and waltzes and music-hall songs.
+
+Mr. Ella, too, furthered the movement with his Musical Union 
+and quartett parties at Willis's Rooms, where Sainton and 
+Cooper led alternately, and the incomparable Piatti and Hill 
+made up the four.  Here Ernst, Sivori, Vieuxtemps, and 
+Bottesini, and Mesdames Schumann, Dulcken, Arabella Goddard, 
+and all the famous virtuosi played their solos.
+
+Great was the stimulus thus given by Ella's energy and 
+enthusiasm.  As a proof of what he had to contend with, and 
+what he triumphed over, Halle's 'Life' may be quoted, where 
+it says:  'When Mr. Ella asked me [this was in 1848] what I 
+wished to play, and heard that it was one of Beethoven's 
+pianoforte sonatas, he exclaimed "Impossible!" and 
+endeavoured to demonstrate that they were not works to be 
+played in public.'  What seven-league boots the world has 
+stridden in within the memory of living men!
+
+John Ella himself led the second violins in Costa's band, and 
+had begun life (so I have been told) as a pastry-cook.  I 
+knew both him and the wonderful little Frenchman 'at home.'  
+According to both, in their different ways, Beethoven and 
+Mozart would have been lost to fame but for their heroic 
+efforts to save them.
+
+I used occasionally to play with Ella at the house of a lady 
+who gave musical parties.  He was always attuned to the 
+highest pitch, - most good-natured, but most excitable where 
+music was to the fore.  We were rehearsing a quintett, the 
+pianoforte part of which was played by the young lady of the 
+house - a very pretty girl, and not a bad musician, but 
+nervous to the point of hysteria.  Ella himself was in a 
+hypercritical state; nothing would go smoothly; and the piano 
+was always (according to him) the peccant instrument.  Again 
+and again he made us restart the movement.  There were a good 
+many friends of the family invited to this last rehearsal, 
+which made it worse for the poor girl, who was obviously on 
+the brink of a breakdown.  Presently Ella again jumped off 
+his chair, and shouted:  'Not E flat!  There's no E flat 
+there; E natural!  E natural!  I never in my life knew a 
+young lady so prolific of flats as you.'  There was a pause, 
+then a giggle, then an explosion; and then the poor girl, 
+bursting into tears, rushed out of the room.
+
+It was at Ella's house that I first heard Joachim, then about 
+sixteen, I suppose.  He had not yet performed in London.  All 
+the musical celebrities were present to hear the youthful 
+prodigy.  Two quartetts were played, Ernst leading one and 
+Joachim the other.  After it was over, everyone was 
+enraptured, but no one more so than Ernst, who unhesitatingly 
+predicted the fame which the great artist has so eminently 
+achieved.
+
+One more amusing little story belongs to my experiences of 
+these days.  Having two brothers and a brother-in-law in the 
+Guards, I used to dine often at the Tower, or the Bank, or 
+St. James's.  At the Bank of England there is always at night 
+an officer's guard.  There is no mess, as the officer is 
+alone.  But the Bank provides dinner for two, in case the 
+officer should invite a friend.  On the occasion I speak of, 
+my brother-in-law, Sir Archibald Macdonald, was on duty.  The 
+soup and fish were excellent, but we were young and hungry, 
+and the usual leg of mutton was always a dish to be looked 
+forward to.
+
+When its cover was removed by the waiter we looked in vain; 
+there was plenty of gravy, but no mutton.  Our surprise was 
+even greater than our dismay, for the waiter swore 'So 'elp 
+his gawd' that he saw the cook put the leg on the dish, and 
+that he himself put the cover on the leg.  'And what did you 
+do with it then?' questioned my host.  'Nothing, S'Archibald.  
+Brought it straight in 'ere.'  'Do you mean to tell me it was 
+never out of your hands between this and the kitchen?'  
+'Never, but for the moment I put it down outside the door to 
+change the plates.'  'And was there nobody in the passage?'  
+'Not a soul, except the sentry.'  'I see,' said my host, who 
+was a quick-witted man.  'Send the sergeant here.'  The 
+sergeant came.  The facts were related, and the order given 
+to parade the entire guard, sentry included, in the passage.
+
+The sentry was interrogated first.  'No, he had not seen 
+nobody in the passage.'  'No one had touched the dish?'  
+'Nobody as ever he seed.'  Then came the orders:  'Attention.  
+Ground arms.  Take off your bear-skins.'  And the truth - 
+I.E., the missing leg - was at once revealed; the sentry had 
+popped it into his shako.  For long after that day, when the 
+guard either for the Tower or Bank marched through the 
+streets, the little blackguard boys used to run beside it and 
+cry, 'Who stole the leg o' mutton?'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI
+
+
+
+PROBABLY the most important historical event of the year '49 
+was the discovery of gold in California, or rather, the great 
+Western Exodus in pursuit of it.  A restless desire possessed 
+me to see something of America, especially of the Far West.  
+I had an hereditary love of sport, and had read and heard 
+wonderful tales of bison, and grisly bears, and wapitis.  No 
+books had so fascinated me, when a boy, as the 'Deer-slayer,' 
+the 'Pathfinder,' and the beloved 'Last of the Mohicans.'  
+Here then was a new field for adventure.  I would go to 
+California, and hunt my way across the continent.  Ruxton's 
+'Life in the Far West' inspired a belief in self-reliance and 
+independence only rivalled by Robinson Crusoe.  If I could 
+not find a companion, I would go alone.  Little did I dream 
+of the fortune which was in store for me, or how nearly I 
+missed carrying out the scheme so wildly contemplated, or 
+indeed, any scheme at all.
+
+The only friend I could meet with both willing and able to 
+join me was the last Lord Durham.  He could not undertake to 
+go to California; but he had been to New York during his 
+father's reign in Canada, and liked the idea of revisiting 
+the States.  He proposed that we should spend the winter in 
+the West Indies, and after some buffalo-shooting on the 
+plains, return to England in the autumn.
+
+The notion of the West Indies gave rise to an off-shoot.  
+Both Durham and I were members of the old Garrick, then but a 
+small club in Covent Garden.  Amongst our mutual friends was 
+Andrew Arcedeckne - pronounced Archdeacon - a character to 
+whom attaches a peculiar literary interest, of which anon.  
+Arcedeckne - Archy, as he was commonly called - was about a 
+couple of years older than we were.  He was the owner of 
+Glevering Hall, Suffolk, and nephew of Lord Huntingfield.  
+These particulars, as well as those of his person, are note-
+worthy, as it will soon appear.
+
+Archy - 'Merry Andrew,' as I used to call him, - owned one of 
+the finest estates in Jamaica - Golden Grove.  When he heard 
+of our intended trip, he at once volunteered to go with us.  
+He had never seen Golden Grove, but had often wished to visit 
+it.  Thus it came to pass that we three secured our cabins in 
+one of the West India mailers, and left England in December 
+1849.
+
+To return to our little Suffolk squire.  The description of 
+his figure, as before said, is all-important, though the 
+world is familiar with it, as drawn by the pencil of a master 
+caricaturist.  Arcedeckne was about five feet three inches, 
+round as a cask, with a small singularly round face and head, 
+closely cropped hair, and large soft eyes, - in a word, so 
+like a seal, that he was as often called 'Phoca' as Archy.
+
+Do you recognise the portrait?  Do you need the help of 
+'Glevering Hall' (how curious the suggestion!).  And would 
+you not like to hear him talk?  Here is a specimen in his 
+best manner.  Surely it must have been taken down by a 
+shorthand writer, or a phonograph:
+
+MR. HARRY FOKER LOQUITUR: 'He inquired for Rincer and the 
+cold in his nose, told Mrs. Rincer a riddle, asked Miss 
+Rincer when she would be prepared to marry him, and paid his 
+compliments to Miss Brett, another young lady in the bar, all 
+in a minute of time, and with a liveliness and facetiousness 
+which set all these young ladies in a giggle.  "Have a drop, 
+Pen:  it's recommended by the faculty, &c.  Give the young 
+one a glass, R., and score it up to yours truly."'
+
+I fancy the great man who recorded these words was more 
+afraid of Mr. Harry PHOCA than of any other man in the 
+Garrick Club - possibly for the reason that honest Harry was 
+not the least bit afraid of him.  The shy, the proud, the 
+sensitive satirist would steal quietly into the room, 
+avoiding notice as though he wished himself invisible.  Phoca 
+would be warming his back at the fire, and calling for a 
+glass of 'Foker's own.'  Seeing the giant enter, he would 
+advance a step or two, with a couple of extended fingers, and 
+exclaim, quite affably, 'Ha! Mr. Thackry! litary cove!  Glad 
+to see you, sir.  How's Major Dobbings?' and likely enough 
+would turn to the waiter, and bid him, 'Give this gent a 
+glass of the same, and score it up to yours truly!'  We have 
+his biographer's word for it, that he would have winked at 
+the Duke of Wellington, with just as little scruple.
+
+Yes, Andrew Arcedeckne was the original of Harry Foker; and, 
+from the cut of his clothes to his family connection, and to 
+the comicality, the simplicity, the sweetness of temper 
+(though hardly doing justice to the loveableness of the 
+little man), the famous caricature fits him to a T.
+
+The night before we left London we had a convivial dinner at 
+the Garrick - we three travellers, with Albert Smith, his 
+brother, and John Leech.  It was a merry party, to which all 
+contributed good fellowship and innocent jokes.  The latest 
+arrival at the Zoo was the first hippopotamus that had 
+reached England, - a present from the Khedive.  Someone 
+wondered how it had been caught.  I suggested a trout-fly; 
+which so tickled John Leech's fancy that he promised to draw 
+it for next week's 'Punch.'  Albert Smith went with us to 
+Southampton to see us off.
+
+On our way to Jamaica we stopped a night at Barbadoes to 
+coal.  Here I had the honour of making the acquaintance of 
+the renowned Caroline Lee! - Miss Car'line, as the negroes 
+called her.  She was so pleased at the assurance that her 
+friend Mr. Peter Simple had spread her fame all the world 
+over, that she made us a bowl of the most delicious iced 
+sangaree; and speedily got up a 'dignity ball' for our 
+entertainment.  She was rather too much of an armful to dance 
+with herself, but there was no lack of dark beauties, (not a 
+white woman or white man except ourselves in the room.)  We 
+danced pretty nearly from daylight to daylight.  The blending 
+of rigid propriety, of the severest 'dignity,' with the 
+sudden guffaw and outburst of wildest spirits and comic 
+humour, is beyond description, and is only to be met with 
+amongst these ebullient children of the sun.
+
+On our arrival at Golden Grove, there was a great turn-out of 
+the natives to welcome their young lord and 'massa.'  Archy 
+was touched and amused by their frantic loyalty.  But their 
+mode of exhibiting it was not so entirely to his taste.  Not 
+only the young, but the old women wanted to hug him.  'Eigh!  
+Dat you, Massa?  Dat you, sar? Me no believe him.  Out o' de 
+way, you trash!  Eigh! me too much pleased like devil.' The 
+one constant and spontaneous ejaculation was, 'Yah! Massa too 
+muchy handsome!  Garamighty!  Buckra berry fat!'  The latter 
+attribute was the source of genuine admiration; but the 
+object of it hardly appreciated its recognition, and waved 
+off his subjects with a mixture of impatience and alarm.
+
+We had scarcely been a week at Golden Grove, when my two 
+companions and Durham's servant were down with yellow fever.  
+Being 'salted,' perhaps, I escaped scot-free, so helped 
+Archy's valet and Mr. Forbes, his factor, to nurse and to 
+carry out professional orders.  As we were thirty miles from 
+Kingston the doctor could only come every other day.  The 
+responsibility, therefore, of attending three patients 
+smitten with so deadly a disease was no light matter.  The 
+factor seemed to think discretion the better part of valour, 
+and that Jamaica rum was the best specific for keeping his 
+up.  All physicians were SANGRADOS in those days, and when 
+the Kingston doctor decided upon bleeding, the hysterical 
+state of the darky girls (we had no men in the bungalow 
+except Durham's and Archy's servants) rendered them worse 
+than useless.  It fell to me, therefore, to hold the basin 
+while Archy's man was attending to his master.
+
+Durham, who had nerves of steel, bore his lot with the grim 
+stoicism which marked his character.  But at one time the 
+doctor considered his state so serious that he thought his 
+lordship's family should be informed of it.  Accordingly I 
+wrote to the last Lord Grey, his uncle and guardian, stating 
+that there was little hope of his recovery.  Poor Phoca was 
+at once tragic and comic.  His medicine had to be 
+administered every, two hours.  Each time, he begged and 
+prayed in lacrymose tones to be let off.  It was doing him no 
+good.  He might as well be allowed to die in peace.  If we 
+would only spare him the beastliness this once, on his honour 
+he would take it next time 'like a man.'  We were inexorable, 
+of course, and treated him exactly as one treats a child.
+
+At last the crisis was over.  Wonderful to relate, all three 
+began to recover.  During their convalescence, I amused 
+myself by shooting alligators in the mangrove swamps at 
+Holland Bay, which was within half an hour's ride of the 
+bungalow.  It was curious sport.  The great saurians would 
+lie motionless in the pools amidst the snake-like tangle of 
+mangrove roots.  They would float with just their eyes and 
+noses out of water, but so still that, without a glass, 
+(which I had not,) it was difficult to distinguish their 
+heads from the countless roots and rotten logs around them.  
+If one fired by mistake, the sport was spoiled for an hour to 
+come.
+
+I used to sit watching patiently for one of them to show 
+itself, or for something to disturb the glassy surface of the 
+dark waters.  Overhead the foliage was so dense that the heat 
+was not oppressive.  All Nature seemed asleep.  The deathlike 
+stillness was rarely broken by the faintest sound, - though 
+unseen life, amidst the heat and moisture, was teeming 
+everywhere; life feeding upon life.  For what purpose?  To 
+what end?  Is this a primary law of Nature?  Does cannibalism 
+prevail in Mars?  Sometimes a mocking-bird would pipe its 
+weird notes, deepening silence by the contrast.  But besides 
+pestilent mosquitos, the only living things in sight were 
+humming-birds of every hue, some no bigger than a butterfly, 
+fluttering over the blossoms of the orchids, or darting from 
+flower to flower like flashes of prismatic rays.
+
+I killed several alligators; but one day, while stalking what 
+seemed to be an unusual monster, narrowly escaped an 
+accident.  Under the excitement, my eye was so intently fixed 
+upon the object, that I rather felt than saw my way.  
+Presently over I went, just managed to save my rifle, and, to 
+my amazement, found I had set my foot on a sleeping reptile.  
+Fortunately the brute was as much astonished as I was, and 
+plunged with a splash into the adjacent pool.
+
+A Cambridge friend, Mr. Walter Shirley, owned an estate at 
+Trelawny, on the other side of Jamaica; while the invalids 
+were recovering, I paid him a visit; and was initiated into 
+the mysteries of cane-growing and sugar-making.  As the great 
+split between the Northern and Southern States on the 
+question of slavery was pending, the life, condition, and 
+treatment of the negro was of the greatest interest.  Mr. 
+Shirley was a gentleman of exceptional ability, and full of 
+valuable information on these subjects.  He passed me on to 
+other plantations; and I made the complete round of the 
+island before returning to my comrades at Golden Grove.  A 
+few weeks afterwards I stayed with a Spanish gentleman, the 
+Marquis d'Iznaga, who owned six large sugar plantations in 
+Cuba; and rode with his son from Casilda to Cienfuegos, from 
+which port I got a steamer to the Havana.  The ride afforded 
+abundant opportunities of comparing the slave with the free 
+negro.  But, as I have written on the subject elsewhere, I 
+will pass to matters more entertaining.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII
+
+
+
+ON my arrival at the Havana I found that Durham, who was 
+still an invalid, had taken up his quarters at Mr. 
+Crauford's, the Consul-General.  Phoca, who was nearly well 
+again, was at the hotel, the only one in the town.  And who 
+should I meet there but my old Cambridge ally, Fred, the last 
+Lord Calthorpe.  This event was a fruitful one, - it 
+determined the plans of both of us for a year or more to 
+come.
+
+Fred - as I shall henceforth call him - had just returned 
+from a hunting expedition in Texas, with another sportsman 
+whom he had accidentally met there.  This gentleman 
+ultimately became of even more importance to me than my old 
+friend.  I purposely abstain from giving either his name or 
+his profession, for reasons which will become obvious enough 
+by-and-by; the outward man may be described.  He stood well 
+over six  feet in his socks; his frame and limbs were those 
+of a gladiator; he could crush a horseshoe in one hand; he 
+had a small head with a bull-neck, purely Grecian features, 
+thick curly hair with crisp beard and silky moustache.  He so 
+closely resembled a marble Hercules that (as he must have a 
+name) we will call him Samson.
+
+Before Fred stumbled upon him, he had spent a winter camping 
+out in the snows of Canada, bear and elk shooting.  He was 
+six years or so older than either of us - I.E. about eight-
+and-twenty.
+
+As to Fred Calthorpe, it would be difficult to find a more 
+'manly' man.  He was unacquainted with fear.  Yet his 
+courage, though sometimes reckless, was by no means of the 
+brute kind.  He did not run risks unless he thought the gain 
+would compensate them; and no one was more capable of 
+weighing consequences than he.  His temper was admirable, his 
+spirits excellent; and for any enterprise where danger and 
+hardship were to be encountered few men could have been 
+better qualified.  By the end of a week these two had agreed 
+to accompany me across the Rocky Mountains.
+
+Before leaving the Havana, I witnessed an event which, though 
+disgusting in itself, gives rise to serious reflections.  
+Every thoughtful reader is conversant enough with them; if, 
+therefore, he should find them out of place or trite, apology 
+is needless, as he will pass them by without the asking.
+
+The circumstance referred to is a public execution.  Mr. 
+Sydney Smith, the vice-consul, informed me that a criminal 
+was to be garrotted on the following morning; and asked me 
+whether I cared to look over the prison and see the man in 
+his cell that afternoon.  We went together.  The poor wretch 
+bore the stamp of innate brutality.  His crime was the most 
+revolting that a human being is capable of - the violation 
+and murder of a mere child.  When we were first admitted he 
+was sullen, merely glaring at us; but, hearing the warder 
+describe his crime, he became furiously abusive, and worked 
+himself into such a passion that, had he not been chained to 
+the wall, he would certainly have attacked us.
+
+At half-past six next morning I went with Mr. Smith to the 
+Campo del Marte, the principal square.  The crowd had already 
+assembled, and the tops of the houses were thronged with 
+spectators.  The women, dressed as if for a bull-fight or a 
+ball, occupied the front seats.  By squeezing and pushing we 
+contrived to get within eight or nine yards of the machine, 
+where I had not long been before the procession was seen 
+moving up the Passeo.  A few mounted troops were in front to 
+clear the road; behind them came the Host, with a number of 
+priests and the prisoner on foot, dressed in white; a large 
+guard brought up the rear.  The soldiers formed an open 
+square.  The executioner, the culprit, and one priest 
+ascended the steps of the platform.
+
+The garrotte is a short stout post, at the top of which is an 
+iron crook, just wide enough to admit the neck of a man 
+seated in a chair beneath it.  Through the post, parallel 
+with the crook, is the loop of a rope, whose ends are 
+fastened to a bar held by the executioner.  The loop, being 
+round the throat of the victim, is so powerfully tightened 
+from behind by half a turn of the bar, that an extra twist 
+would sever a man's head from his body.
+
+The murderer showed no signs of fear; he quietly seated 
+himself, but got up again to adjust the chair and make 
+himself comfortable!  The executioner then arranged the rope 
+round his neck, tied his legs and his arms, and retired 
+behind the post.  At a word or a look from the priest the 
+wrench was turned.  For a single instant the limbs of the 
+victim were convulsed, and all was over.
+
+No exclamation, no whisper of horror escaped from the lookers 
+on.  Such a scene was too familiar to excite any feeling but 
+morbid curiosity; and, had the execution taken place at the 
+usual spot instead of in the town, few would have given 
+themselves the trouble to attend it.
+
+It is impossible to see or even to think of what is here 
+described without gravely meditating on its suggestions.  Is 
+capital punishment justifiable?  This is the question I 
+purpose to consider in the following chapter.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII
+
+
+
+ALL punishments or penal remedies for crime, except capital 
+punishment, may be considered from two points of view:  
+First, as they regard Society; secondly, as they regard the 
+offender.
+
+Where capital punishment is resorted to, the sole end in view 
+is the protection of Society.  The malefactor being put to 
+death, there can be no thought of his amendment.  And so far 
+as this particular criminal is concerned, Society is 
+henceforth in safety.
+
+But (looking to the individual), as equal security could be 
+obtained by his imprisonment for life, the extreme measure of 
+putting him to death needs justification.  This is found in 
+the assumption that death being the severest of all 
+punishments now permissible, no other penalty is so 
+efficacious in preventing the crime or crimes for which it is 
+inflicted.  Is the assumption borne out by facts, or by 
+inference?
+
+For facts we naturally turn to statistics.  Switzerland 
+abolished capital punishment in 1874; but cases of 
+premeditated murder having largely increased during the next 
+five years, it was restored by Federal legislation in 1879.  
+Still there is nothing conclusive to be inferred from this 
+fact.  We must seek for guidance elsewhere.
+
+Reverting to the above assumption, we must ask:  First, Is 
+the death punishment the severest of all evils, and to what 
+extent does the fear of it act as a preventive?  Secondly, Is 
+it true that no other punishment would serve as powerfully in 
+preventing murder by intimidation?
+
+Is punishment by death the most dreaded of all evils?  'This 
+assertion,' says Bentham, 'is true with respect to the 
+majority of mankind; it is not true with respect to the 
+greatest criminals.'  It is pretty certain that a malefactor 
+steeped in crime, living in extreme want, misery and 
+apprehension, must, if he reflects at all, contemplate a 
+violent end as an imminent possibility.  He has no better 
+future before him, and may easily come to look upon death 
+with brutal insensibility and defiance.  The indifference 
+exhibited by the garrotted man getting up to adjust his chair 
+is probably common amongst criminals of his type.
+
+Again, take such a crime as that of the Cuban's:  the passion 
+which leads to it is the fiercest and most ungovernable which 
+man is subject to.  Sexual jealousy also is one of the most 
+frequent causes of murder.  So violent is this passion that 
+the victim of it is often quite prepared to sacrifice life 
+rather than forego indulgence, or allow another to supplant 
+him; both men and women will gloat over the murder of a 
+rival, and gladly accept death as its penalty, rather than 
+survive the possession of the desired object by another.
+
+Further, in addition to those who yield to fits of passion, 
+there is a class whose criminal promptings are hereditary:  a 
+large number of unfortunates of whom it may almost be said 
+that they were destined to commit crimes.  'It is unhappily a 
+fact,' says Mr. Francis Galton ('Inquiries into Human 
+Faculty'), 'that fairly distinct types of criminals breeding 
+true to their kind have become established.'  And he gives 
+extraordinary examples, which fully bear out his affirmation.  
+We may safely say that, in a very large number of cases, the 
+worst crimes are perpetrated by beings for whom the death 
+penalty has no preventive terrors.
+
+But it is otherwise with the majority.  Death itself, apart 
+from punitive aspects, is a greater evil to those for whom 
+life has greater attractions.  Besides this, the permanent 
+disgrace of capital punishment, the lasting injury to the 
+criminal's family and to all who are dear to him, must be far 
+more cogent incentives to self-control than the mere fear of 
+ceasing to live.
+
+With the criminal and most degraded class - with those who 
+are actuated by violent passions and hereditary taints, the 
+class by which most murders are committed - the death 
+punishment would seem to be useless as an intimidation or an 
+example.
+
+With the majority it is more than probable that it exercises 
+a strong and beneficial influence.  As no mere social 
+distinction can eradicate innate instincts, there must be a 
+large proportion of the majority, the better-to-do, who are 
+both occasionally and habitually subject to criminal 
+propensities, and who shall say how many of these are 
+restrained from the worst of crimes by fear of capital 
+punishment and its consequences?
+
+On these grounds, if they be not fallacious, the retention of 
+capital punishment may be justified.
+
+Secondly.  Is the assumption tenable that no other penalty 
+makes so strong an impression or is so pre-eminently 
+exemplary?  Bentham thus answers the question:  'It appears 
+to me that the contemplation of perpetual imprisonment, 
+accompanied with hard labour and occasional solitary 
+confinement, would produce a deeper impression on the minds 
+of persons in whom it is more eminently desirable that that 
+impression should be produced than even death itself. . . . 
+All that renders death less formidable to them renders 
+laborious restraint proportionably more irksome.'  There is 
+doubtless a certain measure of truth in these remarks.  But 
+Bentham is here speaking of the degraded class; and is it 
+likely that such would reflect seriously upon what they never 
+see and only know by hearsay?  Think how feeble are their 
+powers of imagination and reflection, how little they would 
+be impressed by such additional seventies as 'occasional 
+solitary confinement,' the occurrence and the effects of 
+which would be known to no one outside the jail.
+
+As to the 'majority,' the higher classes, the fact that men 
+are often imprisoned for offences - political and others - 
+which they are proud to suffer for, would always attenuate 
+the ignominy attached to 'imprisonment.'  And were this the 
+only penalty for all crimes, for first-class misdemeanants 
+and for the most atrocious of criminals alike, the 
+distinction would not be very finely drawn by the interested; 
+at the most, the severest treatment as an alternative to 
+capital punishment would always savour of extenuating 
+circumstances.
+
+There remain two other points of view from which the question 
+has to be considered:  one is what may be called the 
+Vindictive, the other, directly opposed to it, the 
+Sentimental argument.  The first may be dismissed with a word 
+or two.  In civilised countries torture is for ever 
+abrogated; and with it, let us hope, the idea of judicial 
+vengeance.
+
+The LEX TALIONIS - the Levitic law - 'Eye for eye, tooth for 
+tooth,' is befitting only for savages.  Unfortunately the 
+Christian religion still promulgates and passionately clings 
+to the belief in Hell as a place or state of everlasting 
+torment - that is to say, of eternal torture inflicted for no 
+ultimate end save that of implacable vengeance.  Of all the 
+miserable superstitions ever hatched by the brain of man 
+this, as indicative of its barbarous origin, is the most 
+degrading.  As an ordinance ascribed to a Being worshipped as 
+just and beneficent, it is blasphemous.
+
+The Sentimental argument, like all arguments based upon 
+feeling rather than reason, though not without merit, is 
+fraught with mischief which far outweighs it.  There are 
+always a number of people in the world who refer to their 
+feelings as the highest human tribunal.  When the reasoning 
+faculty is not very strong, the process of ratiocination 
+irksome, and the issue perhaps unacceptable, this course 
+affords a convenient solution to many a complicated problem.  
+It commends itself, moreover, to those who adopt it, by the 
+sense of chivalry which it involves.  There is something 
+generous and noble, albeit quixotic, in siding with the weak, 
+even if they be in the wrong.  There is something charitable 
+in the judgment, 'Oh! poor creature, think of his adverse 
+circumstances, his ignorance, his temptation.  Let us be 
+merciful and forgiving.'  In practice, however, this often 
+leads astray.  Thus in most cases, even where premeditated 
+murder is proved to the hilt, the sympathy of the 
+sentimentalist is invariably with the murderer, to the 
+complete oblivion of the victim's family.
+
+Bentham, speaking of the humanity plea, thus words its 
+argument:  'Attend not to the sophistries of reason, which 
+often deceive, but be governed by your hearts, which will 
+always lead you right.  I reject without hesitation the 
+punishment you propose:  it violates natural feelings, it 
+harrows up the susceptible mind, it is tyrannical and cruel.'  
+Such is the language of your sentimental orators.
+
+'But abolish any one penal law merely because it is repugnant 
+to the feelings of a humane heart, and, if consistent, you 
+abolish the whole penal code.  There is not one of its 
+provisions that does not, in a more or less painful degree, 
+wound the sensibility.'
+
+As this writer elsewhere observes:  'It is only a virtue when 
+justice has done its work, &c.  Before this, to forgive 
+injuries is to invite their perpetration - is to be, not the 
+friend, but the enemy of society.  What could wickedness 
+desire more than an arrangement by which offences should be 
+always followed by pardon?'
+
+Sentiment is the ULTIMA RATIO FEMINARUM, and of men whose 
+natures are of the epicene gender.  It is a luxury we must 
+forego in the face of the stern duties which evil compels us 
+to encounter.
+
+There is only one other argument against capital punishment 
+that is worth considering.
+
+The objection so strenuously pleaded by Dickens in his 
+letters to the 'Times' - viz. the brutalising effects upon 
+the degraded crowds which witnessed public executions - is no 
+longer apposite.  But it may still be urged with no little 
+force that the extreme severity of the sentence induces all 
+concerned in the conviction of the accused to shirk the 
+responsibility.  Informers, prosecutors, witnesses, judges, 
+and jurymen are, as a rule, liable to reluctance as to the 
+performance of their respective parts in the melancholy 
+drama.'  The consequence is that 'the benefit of the doubt,' 
+while salving the consciences of these servants of the law, 
+not unfrequently turns a real criminal loose upon society; 
+whereas, had any other penalty than death been feasible, the 
+same person would have been found guilty.
+
+Much might be said on either side, but on the whole it would 
+seem wisest to leave things - in this country - as they are; 
+and, for one, I am inclined to the belief that,
+
+
+Mercy murders, pardoning those that kill.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX
+
+
+
+WE were nearly six weeks in the Havana, being detained by 
+Lord Durham's illness.  I provided myself with a capital 
+Spanish master, and made the most of him.  This, as it turned 
+out, proved very useful to me in the course of my future 
+travels.  About the middle of March we left for Charlestown 
+in the steamer ISABEL, and thence on to New York.  On the 
+passage to Charlestown, we were amused one evening by the 
+tricks of a conjuror.  I had seen the man and his wife 
+perform at the Egyptian Hall, Piccadilly.  She was called the 
+'Mysterious Lady.'  The papers were full of speculations as 
+to the nature of the mystery.  It was the town talk and 
+excitement of the season.
+
+This was the trick.  The lady sat in the corner of a large 
+room, facing the wall, with her eyes bandaged.  The company 
+were seated as far as possible from her.  Anyone was invited 
+to write a few words on a slip of paper, and hand it to the 
+man, who walked amongst the spectators.  He would simply say 
+to the woman 'What has the gentleman (or lady) written upon 
+this paper?'  Without hesitation she would reply correctly.  
+The man was always the medium.  One person requested her, 
+through the man, to read the number on his watch, the figures 
+being, as they always are, very minute.  The man repeated the 
+question:  'What is the number on this watch?'  The woman, 
+without hesitation, gave it correctly.  A friend at my side, 
+a young Guardsman, took a cameo ring from his finger, and 
+asked for a description of the figures in relief.  There was 
+a pause.  The woman was evidently perplexed.  She confessed 
+at last that she was unable to answer.  The spectators 
+murmured.  My friend began to laugh.  The conjuror's bread 
+was at stake, but he was equal to the occasion.  He at once 
+explained to the company that the cameo represented 'Leeder 
+and the Swan in a hambigious position, which the lady didn't 
+profess to know nothing about.'  This apology, needless to 
+say, completely re-established the lady's character.
+
+Well, recognising my friend of the Egyptian Hall, I reminded 
+him of the incident.  He remembered it perfectly; and we fell 
+to chatting about the wonderful success of the 'mystery,' and 
+about his and the lady's professional career.  He had begun 
+life when a boy as a street acrobat, had become a street 
+conjuror, had married the 'mysterious lady' out of the 'saw-
+dust,' as he expressed it - meaning out of a travelling 
+circus.  After that, 'things had gone 'ard' with them.  They 
+had exhausted their resources in every sense.  One night, 
+lying awake, and straining their brains to devise some means 
+of subsistence, his wife suddenly exclaimed, 'How would it be 
+if we were to try so and so?' explaining the trick just 
+described.  His answer was:  'Oh! that's too silly.  They'd 
+see through it directly.'  This was all I could get out of 
+him:  this, and the fact that the trick, first and last, had 
+made them fairly comfortable for the rest of their days.
+
+Now mark what follows, for it is the gist and moral of my 
+little story about this conjuror, and about two other miracle 
+workers whom I have to speak of presently.
+
+Once upon a time, I was discussing with an acquaintance the 
+not unfamiliar question of Immortality.  I professed 
+Agnosticism - strongly impregnated with incredulity.  My 
+friend had no misgivings, no doubts on the subject whatever.  
+Absolute certainty is the prerogative of the orthodox.  He 
+had taken University honours, and was a man of high position 
+at the Bar.  I was curious to learn upon what grounds such an 
+one based his belief.  His answer was:  'Upon the phenomena 
+of electro-biology, and the psychic phenomena of mesmerism.'  
+His 'first convictions were established by the manifestations 
+of the soul as displayed through a woman called "The 
+Mysterious Lady," who, &c., &c.'
+
+When we have done with our thaumaturgist on board the ISABEL, 
+I will give another instance, precisely similar to this, of 
+the simple origin of religious beliefs.
+
+The steamer was pretty full; and the conjuror begged me to 
+obtain the patronage of my noble friend and the rest of our 
+party for an entertainment he proposed to give that evening.  
+This was easily secured, and a goodly sum was raised by 
+dollar tickets.  The sleight-of-hand was excellent.  But the 
+special performance of the evening deserves description in 
+full.  It was that of a whist-playing dog.  Three passengers 
+- one of us taking a hand - played as in dummy whist, dummy's 
+hand being spread in a long row upon the deck of the saloon 
+cabin.  The conjuror, as did the other passengers, walked 
+about behind the players, and saw all the players' hands, but 
+not a word was spoken.  The dog played dummy's hand.  When it 
+came to his turn he trotted backwards and forwards, smelling 
+each card that had been dealt to him.  He sometimes 
+hesitated, then comically shaking his head, would leave it to 
+smell another.  The conjuror stood behind the dog's partner, 
+and never went near the animal.  There was no table - the 
+cards were thrown on the deck.  They were dealt by the 
+players; the conjuror never touched them.  When the dog's 
+mind was made up, he took his card in his mouth and laid it 
+on the others.  His play was infallible.  He and his partner 
+won the rubber with ease.
+
+Now, to those ignorant of the solution, this must, I think, 
+seem inexplicable.  How was collusion managed between the 
+animal and its master?  One of the conditions insisted upon 
+by the master himself was silence.  He certainly never broke 
+it.  I bought the trick - must I confess it? for twenty 
+dollars.  How transparent most things are when - seen 
+through!  When the dog smelt at the right card, the conjuror, 
+who saw all four hands, and had his own in his pocket, 
+clicked his thumb-nail against a finger-nail.  The dog alone 
+could hear it, and played the card accordingly.
+
+The other story:  A few years after my return to England, a 
+great friend called upon me, and, in an excited state, 
+described a SEANCE he had had with a woman who possessed the 
+power of 'invoking' spirits.  These spirits had correctly 
+replied to questions, the answers to which were only known to 
+himself.  The woman was an American.  I am sorry to say I 
+have forgotten her name, but I think she was the first of her 
+tribe to visit this country.  As in the case spoken of, my 
+friend was much affected by the results of the SEANCE.  He 
+was a well-educated and intelligent man.  Born to wealth, he 
+had led a somewhat wildish life in his youth.  Henceforth he 
+became more serious, and eventually turned Roman Catholic.  
+He entreated me to see the woman, which I did.
+
+I wrote to ask for an appointment.  She lived in Charlotte 
+Street, Fitzroy Square; but on the day after the morrow she 
+was to change her lodgings to Queen Anne Street, where she 
+would receive me at 11 A.M.  I was punctual to a minute, and 
+was shown into an ordinary furnished room.  The maid informed 
+me that Mrs. - had not yet arrived from Charlotte Street, but 
+she was sure to come before long, as she had an engagement 
+(so she said) with a gentleman.
+
+Nothing could have suited me better.  I immediately set to 
+work to examine the room and the furniture with the greatest 
+care.  I looked under and moved the sofa, tables, and 
+armchairs.  I looked behind the curtains, under the rug, and 
+up the chimney.  I could discover nothing.  There was not the 
+vestige of a spirit anywhere.  At last the medium entered - a 
+plain, middle-aged matron with nothing the least spiritual 
+about her.  She seated herself opposite to me at the round 
+table in the centre of the room, and demurely asked what I 
+wanted.  'To communicate with the spirits,' I replied.  She 
+did not know whether that was possible.  It depended upon the 
+person who sought them.  She would ask the spirits whether 
+they would confer with me.  Whereupon she put the question:  
+'Will the spirits converse with this gentleman?'  At all 
+events, thought I, the term 'gentleman' applies to the next 
+world, which is a comfort.  She listened for the answer.  
+Presently three distinct raps on the table signified assent.  
+She then took from her reticule a card whereon were printed 
+the alphabet, and numerals up to 10.  The letters were 
+separated by transverse lines.  She gave me a pencil with 
+these instructions:  I was to think, not utter, my question, 
+and then put the pencil on each of the letters in succession.  
+When the letters were touched which spelt the answer, the 
+spirits would rap, and the words could be written down.
+
+My friend had told me this much, so I came prepared.  I began 
+by politely begging the lady to move away from the table at 
+which we were seated, and take a chair in the furthest corner 
+of the room.  She indignantly complied, asking if I suspected 
+her.  I replied that 'all ladies were dangerous, when they 
+were charming,' which put us on the best of terms.  I placed 
+my hat so as to intercept her view of my operations, and thus 
+pursued them.
+
+Thinking the matter over beforehand, I concluded that when 
+the questioner, of either sex, was young, love would very 
+probably be the topic; the flesh, not the spirit, would be 
+the predominant interest.  Being an ingenuous young man of 
+the average sort, and desperately in love with Susan, let us 
+say, I should naturally assist the supernatural being, if at 
+a loss, to understand that the one thing wanted was 
+information about Susan.  I therefore mentally asked the 
+question:  'Who is the most lovely angel without wings, and 
+with the means of sitting down?' and proceeded to pass the 
+pencil over the letters, pausing nowhere.  I now and then got 
+a doubtful rap on or under the table, - how delivered I know 
+not - but signifying nothing.  It was clear the spirits 
+needed a cue.  I put the pencil on the letter S, and kept it 
+there.  I got a tentative rap.  I passed at once to U.  I got 
+a more confident rap.  Then to S. Rap, rap, without 
+hesitation.  A and N were assented to almost before I touched 
+them.  Susan was an angel - the angel.  What more logical 
+proof could I have of the immortality of the soul?
+
+Mrs. - asked me whether I was satisfied.  I said it was 
+miraculous; so much so indeed, that I could hardly believe 
+the miracle, until corroborated by another.  Would the 
+spirits be kind enough to suspend this pencil in the air?  
+'Oh! that was nonsense.  The spirits never lent themselves to 
+mere frivolity.'  'I beg the spirits' pardon, I am sure,' 
+said I.  'I have heard that they often move heavy tables.  I 
+thought perhaps the pencil would save them trouble.  Will 
+they move this round table up to this little one?'  I had, be 
+it observed, when alone, moved and changed the relative 
+positions of both tables; and had determined to make this my 
+crucial test.  To my astonishment, Mrs. - replied that she 
+could not say whether they would or not.  She would ask them.  
+She did so, and the spirits rapped 'Yes.'
+
+I drew my chair aside.  The woman remained seated in the 
+corner.  I watched everything.  Nothing happened.  After a 
+while, I took out my watch, and said:  'I fear the spirits do 
+not intend to keep their word.  I have an appointment twenty 
+minutes hence, and can only give them ten minutes more.'  She 
+calmly replied she had nothing to do with it.  I had heard 
+what the spirits said.  I had better wait a little longer.  
+Scarcely were the words out of her mouth, when the table gave 
+a distinct crack, as if about to start.  The medium instantly 
+called my attention to it.  I jumped out of my seat, passed 
+between the two tables, when of a sudden the large table 
+moved in the direction of the smaller one, and did not stop 
+till it had pushed the little one over.  I make no comments.  
+No explanation to me is conceivable.  I simply narrate what 
+happened as accurately as I am able.
+
+One other case deserves to be added to the above.  I have 
+connected both of the foregoing with religious persuasions.  
+The SEANCE I am about to speak of was for the express purpose 
+of bringing a brokenhearted and widowed mother into 
+communication with the soul of her only son - a young artist 
+of genius whom I had known, and who had died about a year 
+before.  The occasion was, of course, a solemn one.  The 
+interest of it was enhanced by the presence of the great 
+apostle of Spiritualism - Sir William Crookes.  The medium 
+was Miss Kate Fox, again an American.  The SEANCE took place 
+in the house of a very old friend of mine, the late Dr. 
+George Bird.  He had spiritualistic tendencies, but was 
+supremely honest and single-minded; utterly incapable of 
+connivance with deception of any kind.  As far as I know, the 
+medium had never been in the room before.  The company 
+present were Dr. Bird's intimate friend Sir William Crookes - 
+future President of the Royal Society - Miss Bird, Dr. Bird's 
+daughter, and her husband - Mr. Ionides - and Mrs. -, the 
+mother of the young artist.  The room, a large one, was 
+darkened; the last light being extinguished after we had 
+taken our places round the dining-table.  We were strenuously 
+enjoined to hold one another's hands.  Unless we did so the 
+SEANCE would fail.
+
+Before entering the room, I secretly arranged with Mr. 
+Ionides, who shared my scepticism, that we should sit side by 
+side; and so each have one hand free.  It is not necessary to 
+relate what passed between the unhappy mother and the medium, 
+suffice it to say that she put questions to her son; and the 
+medium interpreted the rappings which came in reply.  These, 
+I believe, were all the poor lady could wish for.  To the 
+rest of us, the astounding events of the SEANCE were the dim 
+lights, accompanied by faint sounds of an accordion, which 
+floated about the room over our heads.  And now comes, to me, 
+the strangest part of the whole performance.  All the while I 
+kept my right arm extended under the table, moving my hand to 
+and fro.  Presently it touched something.  I make a grab, and 
+caught, but could not hold for an instant, another hand.  It 
+was on the side away from Mr. Ionides.  I said nothing, 
+except to him, and the SEANCE was immediately broken up.
+
+It may be thought by some that this narration is a biassed 
+one.  But those acquainted with the charlatanry in these days 
+of what is called 'Christian Science,' and know the extent to 
+which crass ignorance and predisposed credulity can be duped 
+by childish delusions, may have some 'idea how acute was the 
+spirit-rapping epidemic some forty or fifty years ago.  'At 
+this moment,' writes Froude, in 'Fraser's Magazine,' 1863, 
+'we are beset with reports of conversations with spirits, of 
+tables miraculously lifted, of hands projecting out of the 
+world of shadows into this mortal life.  An unusually able, 
+accomplished person, accustomed to deal with common-sense 
+facts, a celebrated political economist, and notorious for 
+business-like habits, assured this writer that a certain 
+mesmerist, who was my informer's intimate friend, had raised 
+a dead girl to life.'  Can we wonder that miracles are still 
+believed in?  Ah! no.  The need, the dire need, of them 
+remains, and will remain with us for ever.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX
+
+
+
+WE must move on; we have a long and rough journey before us.  
+Durham had old friends in New York, Fred Calthorpe had 
+letters to Colonel Fremont, who was then a candidate for the 
+Presidency, and who had discovered the South Pass; and Mr. 
+Ellice had given me a letter to John Jacob Astor - THE 
+American millionaire of that day.  We were thus well provided 
+with introductions; and nothing could exceed the kindness and 
+hospitality of our American friends.
+
+But time was precious.  It was already mid May, and we had 
+everything to get - wagons, horses, men, mules, and 
+provisions.  So that we were anxious not to waste a day, but 
+hurry on to St. Louis as fast as we could.  Durham was too 
+ill to go with us.  Phoca had never intended to do so.  Fred, 
+Samson, and I, took leave of our companions, and travelling 
+via the Hudson to Albany, Buffalo, down Lake Erie, and across 
+to Chicago, we reached St. Louis in about eight days.  As a 
+single illustration of what this meant before railroads, 
+Samson and I, having to stop a day at Chicago, hired a buggy 
+and drove into the neighbouring woods, or wilderness, to hunt 
+for wild turkeys.
+
+Our outfit, the whole of which we got at St. Louis, consisted 
+of two heavy wagons, nine mules, and eight horses.  We hired 
+eight men, on the nominal understanding that they were to go 
+with us as far as the Rocky Mountains on a hunting 
+expedition.  In reality all seven of them, before joining us, 
+had separately decided to go to California.
+
+Having published in 1852 an account of our journey, entitled 
+'A Ride over the Rocky Mountains,' I shall not repeat the 
+story, but merely give a summary of the undertaking, with a 
+few of the more striking incidents to show what travelling 
+across unknown America entailed fifty or sixty years ago.
+
+A steamer took us up the Missouri to Omaha.  Here we 
+disembarked on the confines of occupied territory.  From near 
+this point, where the Platte river empties into the Missouri, 
+to the mouth of the Columbia, on the Pacific - which we 
+ultimately reached - is at least 1,500 miles as the crow 
+flies; for us (as we had to follow watercourses and avoid 
+impassable ridges) it was very much more.  Some five-and-
+forty miles from our starting-place we passed a small village 
+called Savannah.  Between it and Vancouver there was not a 
+single white man's abode, with the exception of three trading 
+stations - mere mud buildings - Fort Laramie, Fort Hall, and 
+Fort Boise.
+
+The vast prairies on this side of the Rocky Mountains were 
+grazed by herds of countless bison, wapiti, antelope, and 
+deer of various species.  These were hunted by moving tribes 
+of Indians - Pawnees, Omahaws, Cheyennes, Ponkaws, Sioux, &c.  
+On the Pacific side of the great range, a due west course - 
+which ours was as near as we could keep it - lay across a 
+huge rocky desert of volcanic debris, where hardly any 
+vegetation was to be met with, save artemisia - a species of 
+wormwood - scanty blades of gramma grass, and occasional 
+osiers by river-banks.  The rivers themselves often ran 
+through canons or gulches, so deep that one might travel for 
+days within a hundred feet of water yet perish (some of our 
+animals did so) for the want of a drop to drink.  Game was 
+here very scarce - a few antelope, wolves, and abundance of 
+rattlesnakes, were nearly the only living things we saw.  The 
+Indians were mainly fishers of the Shoshone - or Great Snake 
+River - tribe, feeding mostly on salmon, which they speared 
+with marvellous dexterity; and Root-diggers, who live upon 
+wild roots.  When hard put to it, however, in winter, the 
+latter miserable creatures certainly, if not the former, 
+devoured their own children.  There was no map of the 
+country.  It was entirely unexplored; in fact, Bancroft the 
+American historian, in his description of the Indian tribes, 
+quotes my account of the Root-diggers; which shows how little 
+was known of this region up to this date.  I carried a small 
+compass fastened round my neck.  That and the stars (we 
+travelled by night when in the vicinity of Indians) were my 
+only guides for hundreds of dreary miles.
+
+Such then was the task we had set ourselves to grapple with.  
+As with life itself, nothing but the magic powers of youth 
+and ignorance could have cajoled us to face it with heedless 
+confidence and eager zest.  These conditions given, with 
+health - the one essential of all enjoyment - added, the 
+first escape from civilised restraint, the first survey of 
+primordial nature as seen in the boundless expanse of the 
+open prairie, the habitat of wild men and wild animals, - 
+exhilarate one with emotions akin to the schoolboy's rapture 
+in the playground, and the thoughtful man's contemplation of 
+the stars.  Freedom and change, space and the possibilities 
+of the unknown, these are constant elements of our day-
+dreams; now and then actual life dangles visions of them 
+before our eyes, alas! only to teach us that the aspirations 
+which they inspire are, for the most part, illusory.
+
+Brief indeed, in our case, were the pleasures of novelty.  
+For the first few days the business was a continuous picnic 
+for all hands.  It was a pleasure to be obliged to help to 
+set up the tents, to cut wood, to fetch water, to harness the 
+mules, and work exactly as the paid men worked.  The equality 
+in this respect - that everything each wanted done had to be 
+done with his own hands - was perfect; and never, from first 
+to last, even when starvation left me bare strength to lift 
+the saddle on to my horse, did I regret the necessity, or 
+desire to be dependent on another man.  But the bloom soon 
+wore off the plum; and the pleasure consisted not in doing 
+but in resting when the work was done.
+
+For the reason already stated, a sample only of the daily 
+labour will be given.  It may be as well first to bestow a 
+few words upon the men; for, in the long run, our fellow 
+beings are the powerful factors, for good or ill, in all our 
+worldly enterprises.
+
+We had two ordinary mule-drivers - Potter and Morris, a 
+little acrobat out of a travelling circus, a METIF or half-
+breed Indian named Jim, two French Canadians - Nelson and 
+Louis (the latter spoke French only); Jacob, a Pennsylvanian 
+auctioneer whose language was a mixture of Dutch, Yankee, and 
+German; and (after we reached Fort Laramie) another Nelson - 
+'William' as I shall call him - who offered his services 
+gratis if we would allow him to go with us to California.
+
+Jacob the Dutch Yankee was the most intelligent and the most 
+useful of the lot, and was unanimously elected cook for the 
+party.  The Canadian Nelson was a hard-working good young 
+fellow, with a passionate temper.  Louis was a hunter by 
+profession, Gallic to the tip of his moustache - fond of 
+slapping his breast and telling of the mighty deeds of NOUS 
+AUTRES EN HAUT.  Jim, the half-breed was Indian by nature - 
+idle, silent, treacherous, but a crafty hunter.  William 
+deserves special mention, not from any idiosyncrasy of the 
+man, but because he was concerned soon after he joined us in 
+the most disastrous of my adventures throughout the 
+expedition.
+
+To look at, William Nelson might have sat for the portrait of 
+Leatherstocking.  He was a tall gaunt man who had spent his 
+youth bringing rafts of timber down the Wabash river, from 
+Fort Wayne to Maumee, in Ohio.  For the last six years (he 
+was three-and-thirty) he had been trapping musk rats and 
+beaver, and dealing in pelts generally.  At the time of our 
+meeting he was engaged to a Miss Mary something - the 
+daughter of an English immigrant, who would not consent to 
+the marriage until William was better off.  He was now bound 
+for California, where he hoped to make the required fortune.  
+The poor fellow was very sentimental about his Mary; but, 
+despite his weatherbeaten face, hardy-looking frame, and his 
+'longue carabine,' he was scarcely the hero which, no doubt, 
+Miss Mary took him for.
+
+Yes, the novelty soon wore off.  We had necessaries enough to 
+last to California.  We also had enough unnecessaries to 
+bring us to grief in a couple of weeks.  Our wagons were 
+loaded to the roof.  And seeing there was no road nor so much 
+as a track, that there were frequent swamps and small rivers 
+to be crossed, that our Comanche mules were wilder than the 
+Indians who had owned them, it may easily be believed that 
+our rate of progress did not average more than six or seven 
+miles a day; sometimes it took from dawn to dusk to cross a 
+stream by ferrying our packages, and emptied wagons, on such 
+rafts as could be extemporised.  Before the end of a 
+fortnight, both wagons were shattered, wheels smashed, and 
+axles irreparable.  The men, who were as refractory as the 
+other animals, helped themselves to provisions, tobacco and 
+whisky, at their own sweet will, and treated our 
+remonstrances with resentment and contempt.
+
+Heroic measures were exigent.  The wagons were broken up and 
+converted into pack saddles.  Both tents, masses of 
+provisions, 100 lbs. of lead for bullets, kegs of powder, 
+warm clothing, mackintoshes, waterproof sheeting, tarpaulins, 
+medicine chest, and bags of sugar, were flung aside to waste 
+their sweetness on the desert soil.  Not one of us had ever 
+packed a saddle before; and certainly not one of the mules 
+had ever carried, or to all appearances, ever meant to carry, 
+a pack.  It was a fight between man and beast every day - 
+twice a day indeed, for we halted to rest and feed, and had 
+to unpack and repack our remaining impedimenta in payment for 
+the indulgence.
+
+Let me cite a page from my diary.  It is a fair specimen of 
+scores of similar entries.
+
+'JUNE 24TH. - My morning watch.  Up at 1 A.M.  Roused the men 
+at 3.30.  Off at 7.30.  Rained hard all day.  Packs slipped 
+or kicked off eighteen times before halt.  Men grumbling.  
+Nelson and Jim both too ill to work.  When adjusting pack, 
+Nelson and Louis had a desperate quarrel.  Nelson drew his 
+knife and nearly stabbed Louis.  I snatched a pistol out of 
+my holster, and threatened to shoot Nelson unless he shut up.  
+Fred, of course, laughed obstreperously at the notion of my 
+committing murder, which spoilt the dramatic effect.
+
+'Oh! these devils of mules!  After repacking, they rolled, 
+they kicked and bucked, they screamed and bit, as though we 
+were all in Hell, and didn't know it.  It took four men to 
+pack each one; and the moment their heads were loosed, away 
+they went into the river, over the hills, and across country 
+as hard as they could lay legs to ground.  It was a cheerful 
+sight! - the flour and biscuit stuff swimming about in the 
+stream, the hams in a ditch full of mud, the trailed pots and 
+pans bumping and rattling on the ground until they were as 
+shapeless as old wide-awakes.  And, worst of all, the pack-
+saddles, which had delayed us a week to make - nothing now 
+but a bundle of splinters.
+
+'25TH. - What a night!  A fearful storm broke over us.  All 
+round was like a lake.  Fred and I sat, back to back, perched 
+on a flour bag till daylight, with no covering but our 
+shooting jackets, our feet in a pool, and bodies streaming 
+like cascades.  Repeated lightning seemed to strike the 
+ground within a few yards of us.  The animals, wild with 
+terror, stampeded in all directions.  In the morning, lo and 
+behold!  Samson on his back in the water, insensibly drunk.  
+At first I thought he was dead; but he was only dead drunk.  
+We can't move till he can, unless we bequeath him to the 
+wolves, which are plentiful.  This is the third time he has 
+served us the same trick.  I took the liberty to ram my heel 
+through the whisky keg (we have kept a small one for 
+emergencies) and put it empty under his head for a pillow.'
+
+There were plenty of days and nights to match these, but 
+there were worse in store for us.
+
+One evening, travelling along the North Platte river, before 
+reaching Laramie, we overtook a Mormon family on their way to 
+Salt Lake city.  They had a light covered wagon with hardly 
+anything in it but a small supply of flour and bacon.  It was 
+drawn by four oxen and two cows.  Four milch cows were 
+driven.  The man's name was Blazzard - a Yorkshireman from 
+the Wolds, whose speech was that of Learoyd.  He had only his 
+wife and a very pretty daughter of sixteen or seventeen with 
+him.  We asked him how he became a Mormon.  He answered:  
+'From conviction,' and entreated us to be baptized in the 
+true faith at his hands.  The offer was tempting, for the 
+pretty little milkmaid might have become one of one's wives 
+on the spot.  In truth the sweet nymph urged conversion more 
+persuasively than her papa - though with what views who shall 
+say?  The old farmer's acquaintance with the Bible was 
+remarkable.  He quoted it at every sentence, and was eloquent 
+upon the subject of the meaning and the origin of the word 
+'Bible.'  He assured us the name was given to the Holy Book 
+from the circumstance of its contents having passed a synod 
+of prophets, just as an Act of Parliament passes the House of 
+Commons - BY BILL.  Hence its title.  It was this historical 
+fact that guaranteed the authenticity of the sacred volume.  
+There are various reasons for believing - this is one of 
+them.
+
+The next day, being Sunday, was spent in sleep.  In the 
+afternoon I helped the Yorkshire lassie to herd her cattle, 
+which had strayed a long distance amongst the rank herbage by 
+the banks of the Platte.  The heat was intense, well over 120 
+in the sun; and the mosquitos rose in clouds at every step in 
+the wet grass.  It was an easy job for me, on my little grey, 
+to gallop after the cows and drive them home, (it would have 
+been a wearisome one for her,) and she was very grateful, and 
+played Dorothea to my Hermann.  None of our party wore any 
+upper clothing except a flannel shirt; I had cut off the 
+sleeves of mine at the elbow.  This was better for rough 
+work, but the broiling sun had raised big blisters on my arms 
+and throat which were very painful.  When we got back to 
+camp, Dorothea laved the burns for me with cool milk.  Ah! 
+she was very pretty; and, what 'blackguard'  Heine, as 
+Carlyle dubs him, would have called 'naive schmutzig.'  When 
+we parted next morning I thought with a sigh that before the 
+autumn was over, she would be in the seraglio of Mr. Brigham 
+Young; who, Artemus Ward used to say, was 'the most married 
+man he ever knew.'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXI
+
+
+
+SPORT had been the final cause of my trip to America - sport 
+and the love of adventure.  As the bison - buffalo, as they 
+are called - are now extinct, except in preserved districts, 
+a few words about them as they then were may interest game 
+hunters of the present day.
+
+No description could convey an adequate conception of the 
+numbers in which they congregated.  The admirable 
+illustrations in Catlin's great work on the North American 
+Indians, afford the best idea to those who have never seen 
+the wonderful sight itself.  The districts they frequented 
+were vast sandy uplands sparsely covered with the tufty 
+buffalo or gramma grass.  These regions were always within 
+reach of the water-courses; to which morning and evening the 
+herds descended by paths, after the manner of sheep or cattle 
+in a pasture.  Never shall I forget the first time I 
+witnessed the extraordinary event of the evening drink.  
+Seeing the black masses galloping down towards the river, by 
+the banks of which our party were travelling, we halted some 
+hundred yards short of the tracks.  To have been caught 
+amongst the animals would have been destruction; for, do what 
+they would to get out of one's way, the weight of the 
+thousands pushing on would have crushed anything that impeded 
+them.  On the occasion I refer to we approached to within 
+safe distance, and fired into them till the ammunition in our 
+pouches was expended.
+
+As examples of our sporting exploits, three days taken almost 
+at random will suffice.  The season was so far advanced that, 
+unless we were to winter at Fort Laramie, it was necessary to 
+keep going.  It was therefore agreed that whoever left the 
+line of march - that is, the vicinity of the North Platte - 
+for the purpose of hunting should take his chance of catching 
+up the rest of the party, who were to push on as speedily as 
+possible.  On two of the days which I am about to record this 
+rule nearly brought me into trouble.  I quote from my 
+journal:
+
+'Left camp to hunt by self.  Got a shot at some deer lying in 
+long grass on banks of a stream.  While stalking, I could 
+hardly see or breathe for mosquitos; they were in my eyes, 
+nose, and mouth.  Steady aim was impossible; and, to my 
+disgust, I missed the easiest of shots.  The neck and flanks 
+of my little grey are as red as if painted.  He is weak from 
+loss of blood.  Fred's head is now so swollen he cannot wear 
+his hard hat; his eyes are bunged up, and his face is comic 
+to look at.  Several deer and antelopes; but ground too 
+level, and game too wild to let one near.  Hardly caring what 
+direction I took, followed outskirts of large wood, four or 
+five miles away from the river.  Saw a good many summer 
+lodges; but knew, by the quantity of game, that the Indians 
+had deserted them.  In the afternoon came suddenly upon deer; 
+and singling out one of the youngest fawns, tried to run it 
+down.  The country being very rough, I found it hard work to 
+keep between it and the wood.  First, my hat blew off; then a 
+pistol jumped out of the holster; but I was too near to give 
+up, - meaning to return for these things afterwards.  Two or 
+three times I ran right over the fawn, which bleated in the 
+most piteous manner, but always escaped the death-blow from 
+the grey's hoofs.  By degrees we edged nearer to the thicket, 
+when the fawn darted down the side of a bluff, and was lost 
+in the long grass and brushwood, I followed at full speed; 
+but, unable to arrest the impetus of the horse, we dashed 
+headlong into the thick scrub, and were both thrown with 
+violence to the ground.  I was none the worse; but the poor 
+beast had badly hurt his shoulder, and for the time was dead 
+lame.
+
+'For an hour at least I hunted, for my pistol.  It was much 
+more to me than my hat.  It was a huge horse pistol, that 
+threw an ounce ball of exactly the calibre of my double 
+rifle.  I had shot several buffaloes with it, by riding close 
+to them in a chase; and when in danger of Indians I loaded it 
+with slugs.  At last I found it.  It was getting late; and I 
+didn't rightly know where I was.  I made for the low country.  
+But as we camped last night at least two miles from the 
+river, on account of the swamps, the difficulty was to find 
+the tracks.  The poor little grey and I hunted for it in 
+vain.  The wet ground was too wet, the dry ground too hard, 
+to show the tracks in the now imperfect light.
+
+'The situation was a disagreeable one:  it might be two or 
+three days before I again fell in with my friends.  I had not 
+touched food since the early morning, and was rather done.  
+To return to the high ground was to give up for the night; 
+but that meant another day behind the cavalcade, with 
+diminished chance of overtaking it.  Through the dusk I saw 
+what I fancied was something moving on a mound ahead of me 
+which arose out of the surrounding swamp.  I spurred on, but 
+only to find the putrid carcase of a buffalo, with a wolf 
+supping on it.  The brute was gorged, and looked as sleek as 
+"die schone Frau Giermund"; but, unlike Isegrim's spouse, she 
+was free to escape, for she wasn't worth a bullet.  I was so 
+famished, that I examined the carcase with the hope of 
+finding a cut that would last for a day or two; my nose 
+wouldn't have it.  I plodded on, the water up to the saddle-
+girths.  The mosquitos swarmed in millions, and the poor 
+little grey could hardly get one leg before the other.  I, 
+too, was so feverish that, ignorant of bacteria, I filled my 
+round hat with the filthy stagnant water, and drank it at a 
+draught.
+
+'At last I made for higher ground.  It was too dark to hunt 
+for tracks, so I began to look out for a level bed.  Suddenly 
+my beast, who jogged along with his nose to the ground, gave 
+a loud neigh.  We had struck the trail.  I threw the reins on 
+his neck, and left matters to his superior instincts.  In 
+less than half an hour the joyful light of a camp fire 
+gladdened my eyes.  Fred told me he had halted as soon as he 
+was able, not on my account only, but because he, too, had 
+had a severe fall, and was suffering great pain from a 
+bruised knee.'
+
+Here is an ordinary example of buffalo shooting:
+
+'JULY 2ND. - Fresh meat much wanted.  With Jim the half-breed 
+to the hills.  No sooner on high ground than we sighted game.  
+As far as eye could reach, right away to the horizon, the 
+plain was black with buffaloes, a truly astonishing sight.  
+Jim was used to it.  I stopped to spy them with amazement.  
+The nearest were not more than half a mile off, so we 
+picketed our horses under the sky line; and choosing the 
+hollows, walked on till crawling became expedient.  As is 
+their wont, the outsiders were posted on bluffs or knolls in 
+a commanding position; these were old bulls.  To my 
+inexperience, our chance of getting a shot seemed small; for 
+we had to cross the dipping ground under the brow whereon the 
+sentinels were lying.  Three extra difficulties beset us - 
+the prairie dogs (a marmot, so called from its dog-like bark 
+when disturbed) were all round us, and bolted into their 
+holes like rabbits directly they saw us coming; two big grey 
+wolves, the regular camp followers of a herd, were prowling 
+about in a direct line between us and the bulls; lastly, the 
+cows, though up and feeding, were inconveniently out of 
+reach.  (The meat of the young cow is much preferred to that 
+of the bull.)  Jim, however, was confident.  I followed my 
+leader to a wink.  The only instruction I didn't like when we 
+started crawling on the hot sand was "Look out for 
+rattlesnakes."
+
+'The wolves stopped, examined us suspiciously, then quietly 
+trotted off.  What with this and the alarm of the prairie 
+dogs, an old bull, a patriarch of the tribe, jumped up and 
+walked with majestic paces to the top of the knoll.  We lay 
+flat on our faces, till he, satisfied with the result of his 
+scrutiny, resumed his recumbent posture; but with his head 
+turned straight towards us.  Jim, to my surprise, stealthily 
+crawled on.  In another minute or two we had gained a point 
+whence we could see through the grass without being seen.  
+Here we rested to recover breath.  Meanwhile, three or four 
+young cows fed to within sixty or seventy yards of us.  
+Unluckily we both selected the same animal, and both fired at 
+the same moment.  Off went the lot helter skelter, all save 
+the old bull, who roared out his rage and trotted up close to 
+our hiding place.
+
+'"Look out for a bolt," whispered Jim, "but don't show 
+yourself nohow till I tell you."
+
+'For a minute or two the suspense was exciting.  One hardly 
+dared to breathe.  But his majesty saw us not, and turned 
+again to his wives.  We instantly reloaded; and the startled 
+herd, which had only moved a few yards, gave us the chance of 
+a second shot.  The first cow had fallen dead almost where 
+she stood.  The second we found at the foot of the hill, also 
+with two bullet wounds behind the shoulder.  The tongues, 
+humps, and tender loins, with some other choice morsels, were 
+soon cut off and packed, and we returned to camp with a grand 
+supply of beef for Jacob's larder.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXII
+
+
+
+AT the risk of being tedious, I will tell of one more day's 
+buffalo hunting, to show the vicissitudes of this kind of 
+sport.  Before doing so we will glance at another important 
+feature of prairie life, a camp of Sioux Indians.
+
+One evening, after halting on the banks of the Platte, we 
+heard distant sounds of tomtoms on the other side of the 
+river.  Jim, the half-breed, and Louis differed as to the 
+tribe, and hence the friendliness or hostility, of our 
+neighbours.  Louis advised saddling up and putting the night 
+between us; he regaled us to boot with a few blood-curdling 
+tales of Indian tortures, and of NOUS AUTRES EN HAUT.  Jim 
+treated these with scorn, and declared he knew by the 'tunes' 
+(!) that the pow-wow was Sioux.  Just now, he asserted, the 
+Sioux were friendly, and this 'village' was on its way to 
+Fort Laramie to barter 'robes' (buffalo skins) for blankets 
+and ammunition.  He was quite willing to go over and talk to 
+them if we had no objection.
+
+Fred, ever ready for adventure, would have joined him in a 
+minute; but the river, which was running strong, was full of 
+nasty currents, and his injured knee disabled him from 
+swimming.  No one else seemed tempted; so, following Jim's 
+example, I stripped to my flannel shirt and moccasins, and 
+crossed the river, which was easier to get into than out of, 
+and soon reached the 'village.'  Jim was right, - they were 
+Sioux, and friendly.  They offered us a pipe of kinik (the 
+dried bark of the red willow), and jabbered away with their 
+kinsman, who seemed almost more at home with them than with 
+us.
+
+Seeing one of their 'braves' with three fresh scalps at his 
+belt, I asked for the history of them.  In Sioux gutturals 
+the story was a long one.  Jim's translation amounted to 
+this:  The scalps were 'lifted' from two Crows and a Ponkaw.  
+The Crows, it appeared, were the Sioux' natural enemies 
+'anyhow,' for they occasionally hunted on each other's 
+ranges.  But the Ponkaw, whom he would not otherwise have 
+injured, was casually met by him on a horse which the Sioux 
+recognised for a white man's.  Upon being questioned how he 
+came by it, the Ponkaw simply replied that it was his own.  
+Whereupon the Sioux called him a liar; and proved it by 
+sending an arrow through his body.
+
+I didn't quite see it.  But then, strictly speaking, I am no 
+collector of scalps.  To preserve my own, I kept the hair on 
+it as short as a tooth-brush.
+
+Before we left, our hosts fed us on raw buffalo meat.  This, 
+cut in slices, and dried crisp in the sun, is excellent.  
+Their lodges were very comfortable, most of them large enough 
+to hold a dozen people.  The ground inside was covered with 
+buffalo robes; and the sewn skins, spread tight upon the 
+converging poles, formed a tent stout enough to defy all 
+weathers.  In winter the lodge can be entirely closed; and 
+when a fire is kindled in the centre, the smoke escaping at a 
+small hole where the poles join, the snugness is complete.
+
+At the entrance of one of these lodges I watched a squaw and 
+her child prepare a meal.  When the fuel was collected, a fat 
+puppy, playing with the child, was seized by the squaw, and 
+knocked on the throat - not head - with a stick.  The puppy 
+was then returned, kicking, to the tender mercies of the 
+infant; who exerted its small might to add to the animal's 
+miseries, while the mother fed the fire and filled a kettle 
+for the stew.  The puppy, much more alive than dead, was held 
+by the hind leg over the flames as long as the squaw's 
+fingers could stand them.  She then let it fall on the 
+embers, where it struggled and squealed horribly, and would 
+have wriggled off, but for the little savage, who took good 
+care to provide for the satisfactory singeing of its 
+playmate.
+
+Considering the length of its lineage, how remarkably hale 
+and well preserved is our own barbarity!
+
+We may now take our last look at the buffaloes, for we shall 
+see them no more.  Again I quote my journal:
+
+'JULY 5TH. - Men sulky because they have nothing to eat but 
+rancid ham, and biscuit dust which has been so often soaked 
+that it is mouldy and sour.  They are a dainty lot!  Samson 
+and I left camp early with the hopes of getting meat.  While 
+he was shooting prairie dogs his horse made off, and cost me 
+nearly an hour's riding to catch.  Then, accidentally letting 
+go of my mustang, he too escaped; and I had to run him down 
+with the other.  Towards evening, spied a small band of 
+buffaloes, which we approached by leading our horses up a 
+hollow.  They got our wind, however, and were gone before we 
+were aware of it.  They were all young, and so fast, it took 
+a twenty minutes' gallop to come up with them.  Samson's 
+horse put his foot in a hole, and the cropper they both got 
+gave the band a long start, as it became a stern chase, and 
+no heading off.
+
+'At length I managed to separate one from the herd by firing 
+my pistol into the "brown," and then devoted my efforts to 
+him alone.  Once or twice he turned and glared savagely 
+through his mane.  When quite isolated he pulled up short, so 
+did I. We were about sixty yards apart.  I flung the reins 
+upon the neck of the mustang, who was too blown to stir, and 
+handling my rifle, waited for the bull to move so that I 
+might see something more than the great shaggy front, which 
+screened his body.  But he stood his ground, tossing up the 
+sand with his hoofs.  Presently, instead of turning tail, he 
+put his head down, and bellowing with rage, came at me as 
+hard as he could tear.  I had but a moment for decision, - to 
+dig spurs into the mustang, or risk the shot.  I chose the 
+latter; paused till I was sure of his neck, and fired when he 
+was almost under me.  In an instant I was sent flying; and 
+the mustang was on his back with all four legs in the air.
+
+'The bull was probably as much astonished as we were.  His 
+charge had carried him about thirty yards, at most, beyond 
+us.  There he now stood; facing me, pawing the ground and 
+snorting as before.  Badly wounded I knew him to be, - that 
+was the worst of it; especially as my rifle, with its 
+remaining loaded barrel, lay right between us.  To hesitate 
+for a second only, was to lose the game.  There was no time 
+to think of bruises; I crawled, eyes on him, straight for my 
+weapon:  got it - it was already cocked, and the stock 
+unbroken - raised my knee for a rest.  We were only twenty 
+yards apart (the shot meant death for one of the two), and 
+just catching a glimpse of his shoulder-blade, I pulled.  I 
+could hear the thud of the heavy bullet, and - what was 
+sweeter music - the ugh! of the fatal groan.  The beast 
+dropped on his knees, and a gush of blood spurted from his 
+nostrils.
+
+'But the wild devil of a mustang? that was my first thought 
+now.  Whenever one dismounted, it was necessary to loosen his 
+long lariat, and let it trail on the ground.  Without this 
+there was no chance of catching him.  I saw at once what had 
+happened:  by the greatest good fortune, at the last moment, 
+he must have made an instinctive start, which probably saved 
+his life, and mine too.  The bull's horns had just missed his 
+entrails and my leg, - we were broadside on to the charge, - 
+and had caught him in the thigh, below the hip.  There was a 
+big hole, and he was bleeding plentifully.  For all that, he 
+wouldn't let me catch him.  He could go faster on three legs 
+than I on two.
+
+'It was getting dark, I had not touched food since starting, 
+nor had I wetted my lips.  My thirst was now intolerable.  
+The travelling rule, about keeping on, was an ugly incubus.  
+Samson would go his own ways - he had sense enough for that - 
+but how, when, where, was I to quench my thirst?  Oh! for the 
+tip of Lazarus' finger - or for choice, a bottle of Bass - to 
+cool my tongue!  Then too, whither would the mustang stray in 
+the night if I rested or fell asleep?  Again and again I 
+tried to stalk him by the starlight.  Twice I got hold of his 
+tail, but he broke away.  If I drove him down to the river 
+banks the chance of catching him would be no better, and I 
+should lose the dry ground to rest on.
+
+'It was about as unpleasant a night as I had yet passed.  
+Every now and then I sat down, and dropped off to sleep from 
+sheer exhaustion.  Every time this happened I dreamed of 
+sparkling drinks; then woke with a start to a lively sense of 
+the reality, and anxious searches for the mustang.
+
+'Directly the day dawned I drove the animal, now very stiff, 
+straight down for the Platte.  He wanted water fully as much 
+as his master; and when we sighted it he needed no more 
+driving.  Such a hurry was he in that, in his rush for the 
+river, he got bogged in the muddy swamp at its edge.  I 
+seized my chance, and had him fast in a minute.  We both 
+plunged into the stream; I, clothes and all, and drank, and 
+drank, and drank.'
+
+That evening I caught up the cavalcade.
+
+How curious it is to look back upon such experiences from a 
+different stage of life's journey!  How would it have fared 
+with me had my rifle exploded with the fall? it was knocked 
+out of my hands at full cock.  How if the stock had been 
+broken?  It had been thrown at least ten yards.  How if the 
+horn had entered my thigh instead of the horse's?  How if I 
+had fractured a limb, or had been stunned, or the bull had 
+charged again while I was creeping up to him?  Any one, or 
+more than one, of these contingencies were more likely to 
+happen than not.  But nothing did happen, save - the best.
+
+Not a thought of the kind ever crossed my mind, either at the 
+time or afterwards.  Yet I was not a thoughtless man, only an 
+average man.  Nine Englishmen out of ten with a love of sport 
+- as most Englishmen are - would have done, and have felt, 
+just as I did.  I was bruised and still; but so one is after 
+a run with hounds.  I had had many a nastier fall hunting in 
+Derbyshire.  The worst that could happen did not happen; but 
+the worst never - well, so rarely does.  One might shoot 
+oneself instead of the pigeon, or be caught picking forbidden 
+fruit.  Narrow escapes are as good as broad ones.  The truth 
+is, when we are young, and active, and healthy, whatever 
+happens, of the pleasant or lucky kind, we accept as a matter 
+of course.
+
+Ah! youth! youth!  If we only knew when we were well off, 
+when we were happy, when we possessed all that this world has 
+to give!  If we but knew that love is only a matter of course 
+so long as youth and its bounteous train is ours, we might 
+perhaps make the most of it, and give up looking for - 
+something better.  But what then?  Give up the 'something 
+better'?  Give up pursuit, - the effort that makes us strong?  
+'Give up the sweets of hope'?   No! 'tis better as it is, 
+perhaps.  The kitten plays with its tail, and the nightingale 
+sings; but they think no more of happiness than the rose-bud 
+of its beauty.  May be happiness comes not of too much 
+knowing, or too much thinking either.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIII
+
+
+
+FORT LARAMIE was a military station and trading post 
+combined.  It was a stone building in what they called a 
+'compound' or open space, enclosed by a palisade.  When we 
+arrived there, it was occupied by a troop of mounted riflemen 
+under canvas, outside the compound.  The officers lived in 
+the fort; and as we had letters to the Colonel - Somner - and 
+to the Captain - Rhete, they were very kind and very useful 
+to us.
+
+We pitched our camp by the Laramie river, four miles from the 
+fort.  Nearer than that there was not a blade of grass.  The 
+cavalry horses and military mules needed all there was at 
+hand.  Some of the mules we were allowed to buy, or exchange 
+for our own.  We accordingly added six fresh ones to our 
+cavalcade, and parted with two horses; which gave us a total 
+of fifteen mules and six horses.  Government provisions were 
+not to be had, so that we could not replenish our now 
+impoverished stock.  This was a serious matter, as will be 
+seen before long.  Nor was the evil lessened by my being laid 
+up with a touch of fever - the effect, no doubt, of those 
+drenches of stagnant water.  The regimental doctor was 
+absent.  I could not be taken into the fort.  And, as we had 
+no tent, and had thrown away almost everything but the 
+clothes we wore, I had to rough it and take my chance.  Some 
+relics of our medicine chest, together with a tough 
+constitution, pulled me through.  But I was much weakened, 
+and by no means fit for the work before us.  Fred did his 
+best to persuade me from going further.  He confessed that he 
+was utterly sick of the expedition; that his injured knee 
+prevented him from hunting, or from being of any use in 
+packing and camp work; that the men were a set of ruffians 
+who did just as they chose - they grumbled at the hardships, 
+yet helped themselves to the stores without restraint; that 
+we had the Rocky Mountains yet to cross; after that, the 
+country was unknown.  Colonel Somner had strongly advised us 
+to turn back.  Forty of his men had tried two months ago to 
+carry despatches to the regiment's headquarters in Oregon.  
+Only five had got through; the rest had been killed and 
+scalped.  Finally, that we had something like 1,200 miles to 
+go, and were already in the middle of August.  It would be 
+folly, obstinacy, madness, to attempt it.  He would stop and 
+hunt where we were, as long as I liked; or he would go back 
+with me.  He would hire fresh good men, and buy new horses; 
+and, now that we knew the country, we could get to St. Louis 
+before the end of September, and' - . There was no reasonable 
+answer to be made.  I simply told him I had thought it over, 
+and had decided to go on.  Like the plucky fellow and staunch 
+friend that he was, he merely shrugged his shoulders, and 
+quietly said, 'Very well.  So be it.'
+
+Before leaving Fort Laramie a singular incident occurred, 
+which must seem so improbable, that its narration may be 
+taken for fiction.  It was, however, a fact.  There was 
+plenty of game near our camping ground; and though the 
+weather was very hot, one of the party usually took the 
+trouble to bring in something to keep the pot supplied.  The 
+sage hens, the buffalo or elk meat were handed over to Jacob, 
+who made a stew with bacon and rice, enough for the evening 
+meal and the morrow's breakfast.  After supper, when everyone 
+had filled his stomach, the large kettle, covered with its 
+lid, was taken off the fire, and this allowed to burn itself 
+out.
+
+For four or five mornings running the kettle was found nearly 
+empty, and all hands had to put up with a cup of coffee and 
+mouldy biscuit dust.  There was a good deal of 
+unparliamentary language.  Everyone accused everyone else of 
+filthy greediness.  It was disgusting that after eating all 
+he could, a man hadn't the decency to wait till the morning.  
+The pot had been full for supper, and, as every man could 
+see, it was never half emptied - enough was always left for 
+breakfast.  A resolution was accordingly passed that each 
+should take his turn of an hour's watch at night, till the 
+glutton was caught in the act.
+
+My hour happened to be from 11 to 12 P.M.  I strongly 
+suspected the thief to be an Indian, and loaded my big pistol 
+with slugs on the chance.  It was a clear moonlight night.  I 
+propped myself comfortably with a bag of hams; and concealed 
+myself as well as I could in a bush of artemisia, which was 
+very thick all round.  I had not long been on the look-out 
+when a large grey wolf prowled slowly out of the bushes.  The 
+night was bright as day; but every one of the men was sound 
+asleep in a circle round the remains of the camp fire.  The 
+wolf passed between them, hesitating as it almost touched a 
+covering blanket.  Step by step it crept up to the kettle, 
+took the handle of the lid between its jaws, lifted it off, 
+placed it noiselessly on the ground, and devoured the savoury 
+stew.
+
+I could not fire, because of the men.  I dared not move, lest 
+I should disturb the robber.  I was even afraid the click of 
+cocking the pistol would startle him and prevent my getting a 
+quiet shot.  But patience was rewarded.  When satiated, the 
+brute retired as stealthily as he had advanced; and as he 
+passed within seven or eight yards of me I let him have it.  
+Great was my disappointment to see him scamper off.  How was 
+it possible I could have missed him?  I must have fired over 
+his back.  The men jumped to their feet and clutched their 
+rifles; but, though astonished at my story, were soon at rest 
+again.  After this the kettle was never robbed.  Four days 
+later we were annoyed with such a stench that it was a 
+question of shifting our quarters.  In hunting for the 
+nuisance amongst the thicket of wormwood, the dead wolf was 
+discovered not twenty yards from our centre.
+
+The reader would not thank me for an account of the 
+monotonous drudgery, the hardships, the quarrellings, which 
+grew worse from day to day after we left Fort Laramie.  Fred 
+and I were about the only two who were on speaking terms; we 
+clung to each other, as a sort of forlorn security against 
+coming disasters.  Gradually it was dawning on me that, under 
+the existing circumstances, the fulfilment of my hopes would 
+be (as Fred had predicted) an impossibility; and that to 
+persist in the attempt to realise them was to court 
+destruction.  As yet, I said nothing of this to him.  Perhaps 
+I was ashamed to.  Perhaps I secretly acknowledged to myself 
+that he had been wiser than I, and that my stubbornness was 
+responsible for the life itself of every one of the party.
+
+Doubtless thoughts akin to these must often have haunted the 
+mind of my companion; but he never murmured; only uttered a 
+hasty objurgation when troubles reached a climax, and 
+invariably ended with a burst of cheery laughter which only 
+the sulkiest could resist.  It was after a day of severe 
+trials he proposed that we should go off by ourselves for a 
+couple of nights in search of game, of which we were much in 
+need.  The men were easily persuaded to halt and rest.  
+Samson had become a sort of nonentity.  Dysentery had 
+terribly reduced his strength, and with it such intelligence 
+as he could boast of.  We started at daybreak, right glad to 
+be alone together and away from the penal servitude to which 
+we were condemned.  We made for the Sweetwater, not very far 
+from the foot of the South Pass, where antelope and black-
+tailed deer abounded.  We failed, however, to get near them - 
+stalk after stalk miscarried.
+
+Disappointed and tired, we were looking out for some snug 
+little hollow where we could light a fire without its being 
+seen by the Indians, when, just as we found what we wanted, 
+an antelope trotted up to a brow to inspect us.  I had a 
+fairly good shot at him and missed.  This disheartened us 
+both.  Meat was the one thing we now sorely needed to save 
+the rapidly diminishing supply of hams.  Fred said nothing, 
+but I saw by his look how this trifling accident helped to 
+depress him.  I was ready to cry with vexation.  My rifle was 
+my pride, the stag of my life - my ALTER EGO.  It was never 
+out of my hands; every day I practised at prairie dogs, at 
+sage hens, at a mark even if there was no game.  A few days 
+before we got to Laramie I had killed, right and left, two 
+wild ducks, the second on the wing; and now, when so much 
+depended on it, I could not hit a thing as big as a donkey.  
+The fact is, I was the worse for illness.  I had constant 
+returns of fever, with bad shivering fits, which did not 
+improve the steadiness of one's hand.  However, we managed to 
+get a supper.  While we were examining the spot where the 
+antelope had stood, a leveret jumped up, and I knocked him 
+over with my remaining barrel.  We fried him in the one tin 
+plate we had brought with us, and thought it the most 
+delicious dish we had had for weeks.
+
+As we lay side by side, smoke curling peacefully from our 
+pipes, we chatted far into the night, of other days - of 
+Cambridge, of our college friends, of London, of the opera, 
+of balls, of women - the last a fruitful subject - and of the 
+future.  I was vastly amused at his sudden outburst as some 
+start of one of the horses picketed close to us reminded us 
+of the actual present.  'If ever I get out of this d-d mess,' 
+he exclaimed, 'I'll never go anywhere without my own French 
+cook.'  He kept his word, to the end of his life, I believe.
+
+It was a delightful repose, a complete forgetting, for a 
+night at any rate, of all impending care.  Each was cheered 
+and strengthened for the work to come.  The spirit of 
+enterprise, the love of adventure restored for the moment, 
+believed itself a match for come what would.  The very 
+animals seemed invigorated by the rest and the abundance of 
+rich grass spreading as far as we could see.  The morning was 
+bright and cool.  A delicious bath in the Sweetwater, a 
+breakfast on fried ham and coffee, and once more in our 
+saddles on the way back to camp, we felt (or fancied that we 
+felt) prepared for anything.
+
+That is just what we were not.  Samson and the men, meeting 
+with no game where we had left them, had moved on that 
+afternoon in search of better hunting grounds.  The result 
+was that when we overtook them, we found five mules up to 
+their necks in a muddy creek.  The packs were sunk to the 
+bottom, and the animals nearly drowned or strangled.  Fred 
+and I rushed to the rescue.  At once we cut the ropes which 
+tied them together; and, setting the men to pull at tails or 
+heads, succeeded at last in extricating them.
+
+Our new-born vigour was nipped in the bud.  We were all 
+drenched to the skin.  Two packs containing the miserable 
+remains of our wardrobe, Fred's and mine, were lost.  The 
+catastrophe produced a good deal of bad language and bad 
+blood.  Translated into English it came to this:  'They had 
+trusted to us, taking it for granted we knew what we were 
+about.  What business had we to "boss" the party if we were 
+as ignorant as the mules?  We had guaranteed to lead them 
+through to California [!] and had brought them into this 
+"almighty fix" to slave like niggers and to starve.' There 
+was just truth enough in the Jeremiad to make it sting.  It 
+would not have been prudent, nay, not very safe, to return 
+curse for curse.  But the breaking point was reached at last.  
+That night I, for one, had not much sleep.  I was soaked from 
+head to foot, and had not a dry rag for a change.  Alternate 
+fits of fever and rigor would alone have kept me awake; but 
+renewed ponderings upon the situation and confirmed 
+convictions of the peremptory necessity of breaking up the 
+party, forced me to the conclusion that this was the right, 
+the only, course to adopt.
+
+For another twenty-four hours I brooded over my plans.  Two 
+main difficulties confronted me:  the announcement to the 
+men, who might mutiny; and the parting with Fred, which I 
+dreaded far the most of the two.  Would he not think it 
+treacherous to cast him off after the sacrifices he had made 
+for me?  Implicitly we were as good as pledged to stand by 
+each other to the last gasp.  Was it not mean and dastardly 
+to run away from the battle because it was dangerous to fight 
+it out?  Had friendship no claims superior to personal 
+safety?  Was not my decision prompted by sheer selfishness?  
+Could anything be said in its defence?
+
+Yes; sentiment must yield to reason.  To go on was certain 
+death for all.  It was not too late to return, for those who 
+wished it.  And when I had demonstrated, as I could easily 
+do, the impossibility of continuance, each one could decide 
+for himself.  The men were as reckless as they were ignorant.  
+However they might execrate us, we were still their natural 
+leaders:  their blame, indeed, implied they felt it.  No 
+sentimental argument could obscure this truth, and this 
+conviction was decisive.
+
+The next night and the day after were, from a moral point of 
+view, the most trying perhaps, of the whole journey.  We had 
+halted on a wide, open plain.  Due west of us in the far 
+distance rose the snowy peaks of the mountains.  And the 
+prairie on that side terminated in bluffs, rising gradually 
+to higher spurs of the range.  When the packs were thrown 
+off, and the men had turned, as usual, to help themselves to 
+supper, I drew Fred aside and imparted my resolution to him.  
+He listened to it calmly - much more so than I had expected.  
+Yet it was easy to see by his unusual seriousness that he 
+fully weighed the gravity of the purpose.  All he said at the 
+time was, 'Let us talk it over after the men are asleep.'
+
+We did so.  We placed our saddles side by side - they were 
+our regular pillows - and, covering ourselves with the same 
+blanket, well out of ear-shot, discussed the proposition from 
+every practical aspect.  He now combated my scheme, as I 
+always supposed he would, by laying stress upon our bond of 
+friendship.  This was met on my part by the arguments already 
+set forth.  He then proposed an amendment, which almost upset 
+my decision.  'It is true,' he admitted, 'that we cannot get 
+through as we are going now; the provisions will not hold out 
+another month, and it is useless to attempt to control the 
+men.  But there are two ways out of the difficulty:  we can 
+reach Salt Lake City and winter there; or, if you are bent on 
+going to California, why shouldn't we take Jacob and Nelson 
+(the Canadian), pay off the rest of the brutes, and travel 
+together, - us four?'
+
+Whether 'das ewig Wirkende' that shapes our ends be 
+beneficent or malignant is not easy to tell, till after the 
+event.  Certain it is that sometimes we seem impelled by 
+latent forces stronger than ourselves - if by self be meant 
+one's will.  We cannot give a reason for all we do; the 
+infinite chain of cause and effect, which has had no 
+beginning and will have no end, is part of the reckoning, - 
+with this, finite minds can never grapple.
+
+It was destined (my stubbornness was none of my making) that 
+I should remain obdurate.  Fred's last resource was an 
+attempt to persuade me (he really believed:  I, too, thought 
+it likely) that the men would show fight, annex beasts and 
+provisions, and leave us to shift for ourselves.  There were 
+six of them, armed as we were, to us three, or rather us two, 
+for Samson was a negligible quantity.  'We shall see,' said 
+I; and by degrees we dropped asleep.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIV
+
+
+
+BEFORE the first streak of dawn I was up and off to hunt for 
+the horses and mules, which were now allowed to roam in 
+search of feed.  On my return, the men were afoot, taking it 
+easy as usual.  Some artemisia bushes were ablaze for the 
+morning's coffee.  No one but Fred had a suspicion of the 
+coming crisis.  I waited till each one had lighted his pipe; 
+then quietly requested the lot to gather the provision packs 
+together, as it was desirable to take stock, and make some 
+estimate of demand and supply.  Nothing loth, the men obeyed.  
+'Now,' said I, 'turn all the hams out of their bags, and let 
+us see how long they will last.'  When done:  'What!' I 
+exclaimed, with well - feigned dismay, 'that's not all, 
+surely?  There are not enough here to last a fortnight.  
+Where are the rest?   No more?  Why, we shall starve.'  The 
+men's faces fell; but never a murmur, nor a sound.  'Turn out 
+the biscuit bags.  Here, spread these empty ham sacks, and 
+pour the biscuit on to them.  Don't lose any of the dust.  We 
+shall want every crumb, mouldy or not.'  The gloomy faces 
+grew gloomier.  What's to be done?'  Silence.  'The first 
+thing, as I think all will agree, is to divide what is left 
+into nine equal shares - that's our number now - and let each 
+one take his ninth part, to do what he likes with.  You 
+yourselves shall portion out the shares, and then draw lots 
+for choice.'
+
+This presentation of the inevitable compelled submission.  
+The whole, amounting to twelve light mule packs (it had been 
+fifteen fairly heavy ones after our purchases at Fort 
+Laramie), was still a goodly bulk to look at.  The nine 
+peddling dividends, when seen singly, were not quite what the 
+shareholders had anticipated.
+
+Why were they still silent?  Why did they not rebel, and 
+visit their wrath upon the directors?  Because they knew in 
+their hearts that we had again and again predicted the 
+catastrophe.  They knew we had warned them scores and scores 
+of times of the consequences of their wilful and reckless 
+improvidence.  They were stupefied, aghast, at the ruin they 
+had brought upon themselves.  To turn upon us, to murder us, 
+and divide our three portions between them, would have been 
+suicidal.  In the first place, our situation was as desperate 
+as theirs.  We should fight for our lives; and it was not 
+certain, in fact it was improbable, that either Jacob or 
+William would side against us.  Without our aid - they had 
+not a compass among them - they were helpless.  The instinct 
+of self-preservation bade them trust to our good will.
+
+So far, then, the game was won.  Almost humbly they asked 
+what we advised them to do.  The answer was prompt and 
+decisive:  'Get back to Fort Laramie as fast as you can.'  
+'But how?  Were they to walk?  They couldn't carry their 
+packs.'  'Certainly not; we were English gentlemen, and would 
+behave as such.  Each man should have his own mule; each, 
+into the bargain, should receive his pay according to 
+agreement.' They were agreeably surprised.  I then very 
+strongly counselled them not to travel together.  Past 
+experience proved how dangerous this must be.  To avoid the 
+temptation, even the chance, of this happening, the surest 
+and safest plan would be for each party to start separately, 
+and not leave till the last was out of sight.  For my part I 
+had resolved to go alone.
+
+It was a melancholy day for everyone.  And to fill the cup of 
+wretchedness to overflowing, the rain, beginning with a 
+drizzle, ended with a downpour.  Consultations took place 
+between men who had not spoken to one another for weeks.  
+Fred offered to go on, at all events to Salt Lake City, if 
+Nelson the Canadian and Jacob would go with him.  Both 
+eagerly closed with the offer.  They would be so much nearer 
+to the 'diggings,' and were, moreover, fond of their leader.  
+Louis would go back to Fort Laramie.  Potter and Morris would 
+cross the mountains, and strike south for the Mormon city if 
+their provisions and mules threatened to give out.  William 
+would try his luck alone in the same way.  And there remained 
+no one but Samson, undecided and unprovided for.  The strong 
+weak man sat on the ground in the steady rain, smoking pipe 
+after pipe; watching first the preparations, then the 
+departures, one after the other, at intervals of an hour or 
+so.  First the singles, then the pair; then, late in the 
+afternoon, Fred and his two henchmen.
+
+It is needless to depict our separation.  I do not think 
+either expected ever to see the other again.  Yet we parted 
+after the manner of trueborn Britons, as if we should meet 
+again in a day or two.  'Well, good-bye, old fellow.  Good 
+luck.  What a beastly day, isn't it?'  But emotions are only 
+partially suppressed by subduing their expression.  The 
+hearts of both were full.
+
+I watched the gradual disappearance of my dear friend, and 
+thought with a sigh of my loss in Jacob and Nelson, the two 
+best men of the band.  It was a comfort to reflect that they 
+had joined Fred.  Jacob especially was full of resource; 
+Nelson of energy and determination.  And the courage and cool 
+judgment of Fred, and his presence of mind in emergencies, 
+were all pledges for the safety of the trio.
+
+As they vanished behind a distant bluff, I turned to the 
+sodden wreck of the deserted camp, and began actively to pack 
+my mules.  Samson seemed paralysed by imbecility.
+
+'What had I better do?' he presently asked, gazing with dull 
+eyes at his two mules and two horses.
+
+'I don't care what you do.  It is nothing to me.  You had 
+better pack your mules before it is dark, or you may lose 
+them.'
+
+'I may as well go with you, I think.  I don't care much about 
+going back to Laramie.'
+
+He looked miserable.  I was so.  I had held out under a long 
+and heavy strain.  Parting with Fred had, for the moment, 
+staggered my resolution.  I was sick at heart.  The thought 
+of packing two mules twice a day, single-handed, weakened as 
+I was by illness, appalled me.  And though ashamed of the 
+perversity which had led me to fling away the better and 
+accept the worse, I yielded.
+
+'Very well then.  Make haste.  Get your traps together.  I'll 
+look after the horses.'
+
+It took more than an hour before the four mules were ready.  
+Like a fool, I left Samson to tie the led horses in a string, 
+while I did the same with the mules.  He started, leading the 
+horses.  I followed with the mule train some minutes later.  
+Our troubles soon began.  The two spare horses were nearly as 
+wild as the mules.  I had not got far when I discerned 
+through the rain a kicking and plunging and general 
+entanglement of the lot ahead of me.  Samson had fastened the 
+horses together with slip knots; and they were all doing 
+their best to strangle one another and themselves.  To leave 
+the mules was dangerous, yet two men were required to release 
+the maddened horses.  At last the labour was accomplished; 
+and once more the van pushed on with distinct instructions as 
+to the line of march, it being now nearly dark.  The mules 
+had naturally vanished in the gloom; and by the time I was 
+again in my saddle, Samson was - I knew not where.  On and on 
+I travelled, far into the night.  But failing to overtake my 
+companion, and taking for granted that he had missed his way, 
+I halted when I reached a stream, threw off the packs, let 
+the animals loose, rolled myself in my blanket, and shut my 
+eyes upon a trying day.
+
+Nothing happens but the unexpected.  Daylight woke me.  
+Samson, still in his rugs, was but a couple of hundred yards 
+further up the stream.  In the afternoon of the third day we 
+fell in with William.  He had cut himself a long willow wand 
+and was fishing for trout, of which he had caught several in 
+the upper reaches of the Sweetwater.  He threw down his rod, 
+hastened to welcome our arrival, and at once begged leave to 
+join us.  He was already sick of solitude.  He had come 
+across Potter and Morris, who had left him that morning.  
+They had been visited by wolves in the night, (I too had been 
+awakened by their howlings,) and poor William did not relish 
+the thought of the mountains alone, with his one little white 
+mule - which he called 'Cream.'  He promised to do his utmost 
+to help with the packing, and 'not cost us a cent.'  I did 
+not tell him how my heart yearned towards him, and how 
+miserably my courage had oozed away since we parted, but made 
+a favour of his request, and granted it.  The gain, so long 
+as it lasted, was incalculable.
+
+The summit of the South Pass is between 8000 and 9000 feet 
+above the level of the Gulf of Mexico.  The Pass itself is 
+many miles broad, undulating on the surface, but not 
+abruptly.  The peaks of the Wind River Chain, immediately to 
+the north, are covered with snow; and as we gradually got 
+into the misty atmosphere we felt the cold severely.  The 
+lariats - made of raw hide - became rods of ice; and the poor 
+animals, whose backs were masses of festering raws, suffered 
+terribly from exposure.  It was interesting to come upon 
+proofs of the 'divide' within a mile of the most elevated 
+point in the pass.  From the Hudson to this spot, all waters 
+had flowed eastward; now suddenly every little rivulet was 
+making for the Pacific.
+
+The descent is as gradual as the rise.  On the first day of 
+it we lost two animals, a mule and Samson's spare horse.  The 
+latter, never equal to the heavy weight of its owner, could 
+go no further; and the dreadful state of the mule's back 
+rendered packing a brutality.  Morris and Potter, who passed 
+us a few days later, told us they had seen the horse dead, 
+and partially eaten by wolves; the mule they had shot to put 
+it out of its misery.
+
+In due course we reached Fort Hall, a trading post of the 
+Hudson's Bay Company, some 200 miles to the north-west of the 
+South Pass.  Sir George Simpson, Chairman of that Company, 
+had given me letters, which ensured the assistance of its 
+servants.  It was indeed a rest and a luxury to spend a 
+couple of idle days here, and revive one's dim recollection 
+of fresh eggs and milk.  But we were already in September.  
+Our animals were in a deplorable condition; and with the 
+exception of a little flour, a small supply of dried meat, 
+and a horse for Samson, Mr. Grant, the trader, had nothing to 
+sell us.  He told us, moreover, that before we reached Fort 
+Boise, their next station, 300 miles further on, we had to 
+traverse a great rocky desert, where we might travel four-
+and-twenty hours after leaving water, before we met with it 
+again.  There was nothing for it but to press onwards.  It 
+was too late now to cross the Sierra Nevada range, which lay 
+between us and California; and with the miserable equipment 
+left to us, it was all we could hope to do to reach Oregon 
+before the passage of the Blue Mountains was blocked by the 
+winter's snow.
+
+Mr. Grant's warnings were verified to the foot of the letter.  
+Great were our sufferings, and almost worse were those of the 
+poor animals, from the want of water.  Then, too, unlike the 
+desert of Sahara, where the pebbly sand affords a solid 
+footing, the soil here is the calcined powder of volcanic 
+debris, so fine that every step in it is up to one's ankles; 
+while clouds of it rose, choking the nostrils, and covering 
+one from head to heel.  Here is a passage from my journal:
+
+'Road rocky in places, but generally deep in the finest 
+floury sand.  A strong and biting wind blew dead in our 
+teeth, smothering us in dust, which filled every pore.  
+William presented such a ludicrous appearance that Samson and 
+I went into fits over it.  An old felt hat, fastened on by a 
+red cotton handkerchief, tied under his chin, partly hid his 
+lantern-jawed visage; this, naturally of a dolorous cast, was 
+screwed into wrinkled contortions by its efforts to resist 
+the piercing gale.  The dust, as white as flour, had settled 
+thick upon him, the extremity of his nasal organ being the 
+only rosy spot left; its pearly drops lodged upon a chin 
+almost as prominent.  His shoulders were shrugged to a level 
+with his head, and his long legs dangled from the back of 
+little "Cream" till they nearly touched the ground.'
+
+We laughed at him, it is true, but he was so good-natured, so 
+patient, so simple-minded, and, now and then, when he and I 
+were alone, so sentimental and confidential about Mary, and 
+the fortune he meant to bring her back, that I had a sort of 
+maternal liking for him; and even a vicarious affection for 
+Mary herself, the colour of whose eyes and hair - nay, whose 
+weight avoirdupois - I was now accurately acquainted with.  
+No, the honest fellow had not quite the grit of a 
+'Leatherstocking.'
+
+One night, when we had halted after dark, he went down to a 
+gully (we were not then in the desert) to look for water for 
+our tea.  Samson, armed with the hatchet, was chopping wood.  
+I stayed to arrange the packs, and spread the blankets.  
+Suddenly I heard a voice from the bottom of the ravine, 
+crying out, 'Bring the guns for God's sake!  Make haste!  
+Bring the guns!'  I rushed about in the dark, tumbling over 
+the saddles, but could nowhere lay my hands on a rifle.  
+Still the cry was for 'Guns!'  My own, a muzzle-loader, was 
+discharged, but a rifle none the less.  Snatching up this, 
+and one of my pistols, which, by the way, had fallen into the 
+river a few hours before, I shouted for Samson, and ran 
+headlong to the rescue.  Before I got to the bottom of the 
+hill I heard groans, which sounded like the last of poor 
+William.  I holloaed to know where he was, and was answered 
+in a voice that discovered nothing worse than terror.
+
+It appeared that he had met a grizzly bear drinking at the 
+very spot where he was about to fill his can; that he had 
+bolted, and the bear had pursued him; but that he had 
+'cobbled the bar with rocks,' had hit it in the eye, or nose, 
+he was not sure which, and thus narrowly escaped with his 
+life.  I could not help laughing at his story, though an 
+examination of the place next morning so far verified it, 
+that his footprints and the bear's were clearly intermingled 
+on the muddy shore of the stream.  To make up for his fright, 
+he was extremely courageous when restored by tea and a pipe.  
+'If we would follow the trail with him, he'd go right slick 
+in for her anyhow.  If his rifle didn't shoot plum, he'd a 
+bowie as 'ud rise her hide, and no mistake.  He'd be darn'd 
+if he didn't make meat of that bar in the morning.'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXV
+
+
+
+WE were now steering by compass.  Our course was nearly 
+north-west.  This we kept, as well as the formation of the 
+country and the watercourses would permit.  After striking 
+the great Shoshone, or Snake River, which eventually becomes 
+the Columbia, we had to follow its banks in a southerly 
+direction.  These are often supported by basaltic columns 
+several hundred feet in height.  Where that was the case, 
+though close to water, we suffered most from want of it.  And 
+cold as were the nights - it was the middle of September - 
+the sun was intensely hot.  Every day, every mile, we were 
+hoping for a change - not merely for access to the water, but 
+that we might again pursue our westerly course.  The scenery 
+was sometimes very striking.  The river hereabouts varies 
+from one hundred to nearly three hundred yards in width; 
+sometimes rushing through narrow gorges, sometimes descending 
+in continuous rapids, sometimes spread out in smooth shallow 
+reaches.  It was for one of these that we were in search, for 
+only at such points was the river passable.
+
+It was night-time when we came to one of the great falls.  We 
+were able here to get at water; and having halted through the 
+day, on account of the heat, kept on while our animals were 
+refreshed.  We had to ascend the banks again, and wind along 
+the brink of the precipice.  From this the view was 
+magnificent.  The moon shone brightly upon the dancing waves 
+hundreds of feet below us, and upon the rapids which extended 
+as far as we could see.  The deep shade of the high cliffs 
+contrasted in its impenetrable darkness with the brilliancy 
+of the silvery foam.  The vast plain which we overlooked, 
+fading in the soft light, rose gradually into a low range of 
+distant hills.  The incessant roar of the rapids, and the 
+desert stillness of all else around, though they lulled one's 
+senses, yet awed one with a feeling of insignificance and 
+impotence in the presence of such ruthless force, amid such 
+serene and cold indifference.  Unbidden, the consciousness 
+was there, that for some of us the coming struggle with those 
+mighty waters was fraught with life or death.
+
+At last we came upon a broad stretch of the river which 
+seemed to offer the possibilities we sought for.  Rather late 
+in the afternoon we decided to cross here, notwithstanding 
+William's strong reluctance to make the venture.  Part of his 
+unwillingness was, I knew, due to apprehension, part to his 
+love of fishing.  Ever since we came down upon the Snake 
+River we had seen quantities of salmon.  He persisted in the 
+belief that they were to be caught with the rod.  The day 
+before, all three of us had waded into the river, and flogged 
+it patiently for a couple of hours, while heavy fish were 
+tumbling about above and below us.  We caught plenty of 
+trout, but never pricked a salmon.  Here the broad reach was 
+alive with them, and William begged hard to stop for the 
+afternoon and pursue the gentle sport.  It was not to be.
+
+The tactics were as usual.  Samson led the way, holding the 
+lariat to which the two spare horses were attached.  In 
+crossing streams the mules would always follow the horses.  
+They were accordingly let loose, and left to do so.  William 
+and I brought up the rear, driving before us any mule that 
+lagged.  My journal records the sequel:
+
+'At about equal distances from each other and the main land 
+were two small islands.  The first of these we reached 
+without trouble.  The second was also gained; but the packs 
+were wetted, the current being exceedingly rapid.  The space 
+remaining to be forded was at least two hundred yards; and 
+the stream so strong that I was obliged to turn my mare's 
+head up it to prevent her being carried off her legs.  While 
+thus resting, William with difficulty, - the water being over 
+his knees, - sidled up to me.  He wanted to know if I still 
+meant to cross.  For all answer, I laughed at him.  In truth 
+I had not the smallest misgiving.  Strong as was the current, 
+the smooth rocky bottom gave a good foothold to the animals; 
+and, judging by the great width of the river, there was no 
+reason to suppose that its shallowness would not continue.
+
+'We paused for a few minutes to observe Samson, who was now 
+within forty or fifty yards of the opposite bank; and, as I 
+concluded, past all danger.  Suddenly, to the astonishment of 
+both of us, he and his horse and the led animals disappeared 
+under water; the next instant they were struggling and 
+swimming for the bank.  Tied together as they were, there was 
+a deal of snorting and plunging; and Samson (with his 
+habitual ingenuity) had fastened the lariat either to himself 
+or his saddle; so that he was several times dragged under 
+before they all got to the bank in safety.
+
+'These events were watched by William with intense anxiety.  
+With a pitiable look of terror he assured me he could not 
+swim a yard; it was useless for him to try to cross; he would 
+turn back, and find his way to Salt Lake City.
+
+'"But," I remonstrated, "if you turn back, you will certainly 
+starve; everything we possess is over there with the mules; 
+your blanket, even your rifle, are with the packs.  It is 
+impossible to get the mules back again.  Give little Cream 
+her head, sit still in your saddle, and she'll carry you 
+through that bit of deep water with ease."
+
+'"I can live by fishing," he plaintively answered.  He still 
+held his long rod, and the incongruity of it added to the 
+pathos of his despair.  I reminded him of a bad river we had 
+before crossed, and how his mule had swum it safely with him 
+on her back.  I promised to keep close to him, and help him 
+if need were, though I was confident if he left everything to 
+Cream there would be no danger.  "Well, if he must, he must.  
+But, if anything happened to him, would I write and tell 
+Mary?  I knew her address; leastways, if I didn't, it was in 
+his bag on the brown mule.  And tell her I done my best."
+
+'The water was so clear one could see every crack in the rock 
+beneath.  Fortunately, I took the precaution to strip to my 
+shirt; fastened everything, even my socks, to the saddle; 
+then advanced cautiously ahead of William to the brink of the 
+chasm.  We were, in fact, upon the edge of a precipice.  One 
+could see to an inch where the gulf began.  As my mare 
+stepped into it I slipped off my saddle; when she rose I laid 
+hold of her tail, and in two or three minutes should have 
+been safe ashore.
+
+'Looking back to see how it had fared with William, I at once 
+perceived his danger.  He had clasped his mule tightly round 
+the neck with his arms, and round the body with his long 
+legs.  She was plunging violently to get rid of her load.  
+Already the pair were forty or fifty yards below me.  
+Instantly I turned and swam to his assistance.  The struggles 
+of the mule rendered it dangerous to get at him.  When I did 
+so he was partially dazed; his hold was relaxed.  Dragging 
+him away from the hoofs of the animal, I begged him to put 
+his hands on my shoulders or hips.  He was past any effort of 
+the kind.  I do not think he heard me even.  He seemed hardly 
+conscious of anything.  His long wet hair plastered over the 
+face concealed his features.  Beyond stretching out his arms, 
+like an infant imploring help, he made no effort to save 
+himself.
+
+'I seized him firmly by the collar, - unfortunately, with my 
+right hand, leaving only my left to stem the torrent.  But 
+how to keep his face out of the water?  At every stroke I was 
+losing strength; we were being swept away, for him, to 
+hopeless death.  At length I touched bottom, got both hands 
+under his head, and held it above the surface.  He still 
+breathed, still puffed the hair from his lips.  There was 
+still a hope, if I could but maintain my footing.  But, alas! 
+each instant I was losing ground - each instant I was driven 
+back, foot by foot, towards the gulf.  The water, at first 
+only up to my chest, was now up to my shoulders, now up to my 
+neck.  My strength was gone.  My arms ached till they could 
+bear no more.  They sank involuntarily.  William glided from 
+my hands.  He fell like lead till his back lay stretched upon 
+the rock.  His arms were spread out, so that his body formed 
+a cross.  I paddled above it in the clear, smooth water, 
+gazing at his familiar face, till two or three large bubbles 
+burst upon the surface; then, hardly knowing what I was 
+doing, floated mechanically from the trapper's grave.
+
+. . . . . . .
+
+'My turn was now to come.  At first, the right, or western, 
+bank being within sixty or seventy yards, being also my 
+proper goal, I struck out for it with mere eagerness to land 
+as soon as possible.  The attempt proved unsuccessful.  Very 
+well, then, I would take it quietly - not try to cross 
+direct, but swim on gently, keeping my head that way.  By 
+degrees I got within twenty yards of the bank, was counting 
+joyfully on the rest which a few more strokes would bring me, 
+when - wsh - came a current, and swept me right into the 
+middle of the stream again.
+
+'I began to be alarmed.  I must get out of this somehow or 
+another; better on the wrong side than not at all.  So I let 
+myself go, and made for the shore we had started from.
+
+'Same fate.  When well over to the left bank I was carried 
+out again.  What! was I too to be drowned?  It began to look 
+like it.  I was getting cold, numb, exhausted.  And - listen!  
+What is that distant sound?  Rapids?  Yes, rapids.  My 
+flannel shirt stuck to, and impeded me; I would have it off.  
+I got it over my head, but hadn't unbuttoned the studs - it 
+stuck, partly over my head.  I tugged to tear it off.  Got a 
+drop of water into my windpipe; was choking; tugged till I 
+got the shirt right again.  Then tried floating on my back - 
+to cough and get my breath.  Heard the rapids much louder.  
+It was getting dark now.  The sun was setting in glorious red 
+and gold.  I noticed this, noticed the salmon rolling like 
+porpoises around me, and thought of William with his rod.  
+Strangest of all, for I had not noticed her before, little 
+Cream was still struggling for dear life not a hundred yards 
+below me; sometimes sinking, sometimes reappearing, but on 
+her way to join her master, as surely as I thought that I 
+was.
+
+'In my distress, the predominant thought was the loneliness 
+of my fate, the loneliness of my body after death.  There was 
+not a living thing to see me die.
+
+'For the first time I felt, not fear, but loss of hope.  I 
+could only beat the water with feeble and futile splashes.  I 
+was completely at its mercy.  And - as we all then do - I 
+prayed - prayed for strength, prayed that I might be spared.  
+But my strength was gone.  My legs dropped powerless in the 
+water.  I could but just keep my nose or mouth above it.  My 
+legs sank, and my feet - touched bottom.
+
+'In an instant, as if from an electric shock, a flush of 
+energy suffused my brain and limbs.  I stood upright in an 
+almost tranquil pool.  An eddy had lodged me on a sandbank.  
+Between it and the land was scarcely twenty yards.  Through 
+this gap the stream ran strong as ever.  I did not want to 
+rest; I did not pause to think.  In I dashed; and a single 
+spurt carried me to the shore.  I fell on my knees, and with 
+a grateful heart poured out gratitude for my deliverance.
+
+. . . . . . .
+
+'I was on the wrong side, the side from which we started.  
+The river was yet to cross.  I had not tasted food since our 
+early meal.  How long I had been swimming I know not, but it 
+was dark now, starlight at least.  The nights were bitterly 
+cold, and my only clothing a wet flannel shirt.  And oh! the 
+craving for companionship, someone to talk to - even Samson.  
+This was a stronger need than warmth, or food, or clothing; 
+so strong that it impelled me to try again.
+
+'The poor sandy soil grew nothing but briars and small 
+cactuses.  In the dark I kept treading on the little prickly 
+plants, but I hurried on till I came in sight of Samson's 
+fire.  I could see his huge form as it intercepted the 
+comfortable blaze.  I pictured him making his tea, broiling 
+some of William's trout, and spreading his things before the 
+fire to dry.  I could see the animals moving around the glow.  
+It was my home.  How I yearned for it!  How should I reach 
+it, if ever?  In this frame of mind the attempt was 
+irresistible.  I started as near as I could from opposite the 
+two islands.  As on horseback, I got pretty easily to the 
+first island.  Beyond this I was taken off my feet by the 
+stream; and only with difficulty did I once more regain the 
+land.
+
+My next object was to communicate with Samson.  By putting 
+both hands to my mouth and shouting with all my force I made 
+him hear.  I could see him get up and come to the water's 
+edge; though he could not see me, his stentorian voice 
+reached me plainly.  His first words were:
+
+'"Is that you, William?  Coke is drowned."
+
+'I corrected him, and thus replied:
+
+'"Do you remember a bend near some willows, where you wanted 
+to cross yesterday?"
+
+'"Yes."
+
+'"About two hours higher up the river?"
+
+'"I remember."
+
+'"Would you know the place again?"
+
+'"Yes."
+
+'"Are you sure?
+
+'"Yes, yes."
+
+'"You will see me by daylight in the morning.  When I start, 
+you will take my mare, my clothes, and some food; make for 
+that place and wait till I come.  I will cross there."
+
+'"All right."
+
+'"Keep me in sight as long as you can.  Don't forget the 
+food."
+
+'It will be gathered from my words that definite instructions 
+were deemed necessary; and the inference - at least it was 
+mine - will follow, that if a mistake were possible Samson 
+would avail himself of it.  The night was before me.  The 
+river had yet to be crossed.  But, strange as it now seems to 
+me, I had no misgivings!  My heart never failed me.  My 
+prayer had been heard.  I had been saved.  How, I knew not.  
+But this I knew, my trust was complete.  I record this as a 
+curious psychological occurrence; for it supported me with 
+unfailing energy through the severe trial which I had yet to 
+undergo.'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXVI
+
+
+
+OUR experiences are little worth unless they teach us to 
+reflect.  Let us then pause to consider this hourly 
+experience of human beings - this remarkable efficacy of 
+prayer.  There can hardly be a contemplative mind to which, 
+with all its difficulties, the inquiry is not familiar.
+
+To begin with, 'To pray is to expect a miracle.'  'Prayer in 
+its very essence,' says a thoughtful writer, 'implies a 
+belief in the possible intervention of a power which is above 
+nature.'  How was it in my case?  What was the essence of my 
+belief?  Nothing less than this:  that God would have 
+permitted the laws of nature, ordained by His infinite wisdom 
+to fulfil His omniscient designs and pursue their natural 
+course in accordance with His will, had not my request 
+persuaded Him to suspend those laws in my favour.
+
+The very belief in His omniscience and omnipotence subverts 
+the spirit of such a prayer.  It is on the perfection of God 
+that Malebranche bases his argument that 'Dieu n'agit pas par 
+des volontes particulieres.'  Yet every prayer affects to 
+interfere with the divine purposes.
+
+It may here be urged that the divine purposes are beyond our 
+comprehension.  God's purposes may, in spite of the 
+inconceivability, admit the efficacy of prayer as a link in 
+the chain of causation; or, as Dr. Mozely holds, it may be 
+that 'a miracle is not an anomaly or irregularity, but part 
+of the system of the universe.'  We will not entangle 
+ourselves in the abstruse metaphysical problem which such 
+hypotheses involve, but turn for our answer to what we do 
+know - to the history of this world, to the daily life of 
+man.  If the sun rises on the evil as well as on the good, if 
+the wicked 'become old, yea, are mighty in power,' still, the 
+lightning, the plague, the falling chimney-pot, smite the 
+good as well as the evil.  Even the dumb animal is not 
+spared.  'If,' says Huxley, 'our ears were sharp enough to 
+hear all the cries of pain that are uttered in the earth by 
+man and beasts we should be deafened by one continuous 
+scream.'  'If there are any marks at all of special design in 
+creation,' writes John Stuart Mill, 'one of the things most 
+evidently designed is that a large proportion of all animals 
+should pass their existence in tormenting and devouring other 
+animals.  They have been lavishly fitted out with the 
+instruments for that purpose.'  Is it credible, then, that 
+the Almighty Being who, as we assume, hears this continuous 
+scream - animal-prayer, as we may call it - and not only pays 
+no heed to it, but lavishly fits out animals with instruments 
+for tormenting and devouring one another, that such a Being 
+should suspend the laws of gravitation and physiology, should 
+perform a miracle equal to that of arresting the sun - for 
+all miracles are equipollent - simply to prolong the brief 
+and useless existence of such a thing as man, of one man out 
+of the myriads who shriek, and - shriek in vain?
+
+To pray is to expect a miracle.  Then comes the further 
+question:  Is this not to expect what never yet has happened?  
+The only proof of any miracle is the interpretation the 
+witness or witnesses put upon what they have seen.  
+(Traditional miracles - miracles that others have been told, 
+that others have seen - we need not trouble our heads about.)  
+What that proof has been worth hitherto has been commented 
+upon too often to need attention here.  Nor does the weakness 
+of the evidence for miracles depend solely on the fact that 
+it rests, in the first instance, on the senses, which may be 
+deceived; or upon inference, which may be erroneous.  It is 
+not merely that the infallibility of human testimony 
+discredits the miracles of the past.  The impossibility that 
+human knowledge, that science, can ever exhaust the 
+possibilities of Nature, precludes the immediate reference to 
+the Supernatural for all time.  It is pure sophistry to 
+argue, as do Canon Row and other defenders of miracles, that 
+'the laws of Nature are no more violated by the performance 
+of a miracle than they are by the activities of a man.'  If 
+these arguments of the special pleaders had any force at all, 
+it would simply amount to this:  'The activities of man' 
+being a part of nature, we have no evidence of a supernatural 
+being, which is the sole RAISON D'ETRE of miracle.
+
+Yet thousands of men in these days who admit the force of 
+these objections continue, in spite of them, to pray.  
+Huxley, the foremost of 'agnostics,' speaks with the utmost 
+respect of his friend Charles Kingsley's conviction from 
+experience of the efficacy of prayer.  And Huxley himself 
+repeatedly assures us, in some form or other, that 'the 
+possibilities of "may be" are to me infinite.'  The puzzle 
+is, in truth, on a par with that most insolvable of all 
+puzzles - Free Will or Determinism.  Reason and the instinct 
+of conscience are in both cases irreconcilable.  We are 
+conscious that we are always free to choose, though not to 
+act; but reason will have it that this is a delusion.  There 
+is no logical clue to the IMPASSE.  Still, reason 
+notwithstanding, we take our freedom (within limits) for 
+granted, and with like inconsequence we pray.
+
+It must, I think, be admitted that the belief, delusive or 
+warranted, is efficacious in itself.  Whether generated in 
+the brain by the nerve centres, or whatever may be its 
+origin, a force coincident with it is diffused throughout the 
+nervous system, which converts the subject of it, just 
+paralysed by despair, into a vigorous agent, or, if you will, 
+automaton.
+
+Now, those who admit this much argue, with no little force, 
+that the efficacy of prayer is limited to its reaction upon 
+ourselves.  Prayer, as already observed, implies belief in 
+supernatural intervention.  Such belief is competent to beget 
+hope, and with it courage, energy, and effort.  Suppose 
+contrition and remorse induce the sufferer to pray for Divine 
+aid and mercy, suppose suffering is the natural penalty of 
+his or her own misdeeds, and suppose the contrition and the 
+prayer lead to resistance of similar temptations, and hence 
+to greater happiness, - can it be said that the power to 
+resist temptation or endure the penalty are due to 
+supernatural aid?  Or must we not infer that the fear of the 
+consequences of vice or folly, together with an earnest 
+desire and intention to amend, were adequate in themselves to 
+account for the good results?
+
+Reason compels us to the latter conclusion.  But what then?  
+Would this prove prayer to be delusive?  Not necessarily.  
+That the laws of Nature (as argued above) are not violated by 
+miracle, is a mere perversion of the accepted meaning of 
+'miracle,' an IGNORATIO ELENCHI.  But in the case of prayer 
+that does not ask for the abrogation of Nature's laws, it 
+ceases to be a miracle that we pray for or expect:  for are 
+not the laws of the mind also laws of Nature?  And can we 
+explain them any more than we can explain physical laws?  A 
+psychologist can formulate the mental law of association, but 
+he can no more explain it than Newton could explain the laws 
+of attraction and repulsion which pervade the world of 
+matter.  We do not know, we cannot know, what the conditions 
+of our spiritual being are.  The state of mind induced by 
+prayer may, in accordance with some mental law, be essential 
+to certain modes of spiritual energy, specially conducive to 
+the highest of all moral or spiritual results:  taken in this 
+sense, prayer may ask, not the suspension, but the enactment, 
+of some natural law.
+
+Let it, however, be granted, for argument's sake, that the 
+belief in the efficacy of prayer is delusive, and that the 
+beneficial effects of the belief - the exalted state of mind, 
+the enhanced power to endure suffering and resist temptation, 
+the happiness inseparable from the assurance that God hears, 
+and can and will befriend us - let it be granted that all 
+this is due to sheer hallucination, is this an argument 
+against prayer?  Surely not.  For, in the first place, the 
+incontestable fact that belief does produce these effects is 
+for us an ultimate fact as little capable of explanation as 
+any physical law whatever; and may, therefore, for aught we 
+know, or ever can know, be ordained by a Supreme Being.  
+Secondly, all the beneficial effects, including happiness, 
+are as real in themselves as if the belief were no delusion.
+
+It may be said that a 'fool's paradise' is liable to be 
+turned into a hell of disappointment; and that we pay the 
+penalty of building happiness on false foundations.  This is 
+true in a great measure; but it is absolutely without truth 
+as regards our belief in prayer, for the simple reason that 
+if death dispel the delusion, it at the same time dispels the 
+deluded.  However great the mistake, it can never be found 
+out.  But they who make it will have been the better and the 
+happier while they lived.
+
+For my part, though immeasurably preferring the pantheism of 
+Goethe, or of Renan (without his pessimism), to the 
+anthropomorphic God of the Israelites, or of their theosophic 
+legatees, the Christians, however inconsistent, I still 
+believe in prayer.  I should not pray that I may not die 'for 
+want of breath'; nor for rain, while 'the wind was in the 
+wrong quarter.'  My prayers would not be like those 
+overheard, on his visit to Heaven, by Lucian's Menippus:  'O 
+Jupiter, let me become a king!'  'O Jupiter, let my onions 
+and my garlic thrive!'  'O Jupiter, let my father soon depart 
+from hence!'  But when the workings of my moral nature were 
+concerned, when I needed strength to bear the ills which 
+could not be averted, or do what conscience said was right, 
+then I should pray.  And, if I had done my best in the same 
+direction, I should trust in the Unknowable for help.
+
+Then too, is not gratitude to Heaven the best of prayers?  
+Unhappy he who has never felt it!  Unhappier still, who has 
+never had cause to feel it!
+
+It may be deemed unwarrantable thus to draw the lines between 
+what, for want of better terms, we call Material and 
+Spiritual.  Still, reason is but the faculty of a very finite 
+being; and, as in the enigma of the will, utterly incapable 
+of solving any problems beyond those whose data are furnished 
+by the senses.  Reason is essentially realistic.  Science is 
+its domain.  But science demonstratively proves that things 
+are not what they seem; their phenomenal existence is nothing 
+else than their relation to our special intelligence.  We 
+speak and think as if the discoveries of science were 
+absolutely true, true in themselves, not relatively so for us 
+only.  Yet, beings with senses entirely different from ours 
+would have an entirely different science.  For them, our best 
+established axioms would be inconceivable, would have no more 
+meaning than that 'Abracadabra is a second intention.'
+
+Science, supported by reason, assures us that the laws of 
+nature - the laws of realistic phenomena - are never 
+suspended at the prayers of man.  To this conclusion the 
+educated world is now rapidly coming.  If, nevertheless, men 
+thoroughly convinced of this still choose to believe in the 
+efficacy of prayer, reason and science are incompetent to 
+confute them.  The belief must be tried elsewhere, - it must 
+be transferred to the tribunal of conscience, or to a 
+metaphysical court, in which reason has no jurisdiction.
+
+This by no means implies that reason, in its own province, is 
+to yield to the 'feeling' which so many cite as the 
+infallible authority for their 'convictions.'
+
+We must not be asked to assent to contradictory propositions.  
+We must not be asked to believe that injustice, cruelty, and 
+implacable revenge, are not execrable because the Bible tells 
+us they were habitually manifested by the tribal god of the 
+Israelites.  The fables of man's fall and of the redemption 
+are fraught with the grossest violation of our moral 
+conscience, and will, in time, be repudiated accordingly.  It 
+is idle to say, as the Church says, 'these are mysteries 
+above our human reason.'  They are fictions, fabrications 
+which modern research has traced to their sources, and which 
+no unperverted mind would entertain for a moment.  Fanatical 
+belief in the truth of such dogmas based upon 'feeling' have 
+confronted all who have gone through the severe ordeal of 
+doubt.  A couple of centuries ago, those who held them would 
+have burnt alive those who did not.  Now, they have to 
+console themselves with the comforting thought of the fire 
+that shall never be quenched.  But even Job's patience could 
+not stand the self-sufficiency of his pious reprovers.  The 
+sceptic too may retort:  'No doubt but ye are the people, and 
+wisdom shall die with you.'
+
+Conviction of this kind is but the convenient substitute for 
+knowledge laboriously won, for the patient pursuit of truth 
+at all costs - a plea in short, for ignorance, indolence, 
+incapacity, and the rancorous bigotry begotten of them.
+
+The distinction is not a purely sentimental one - not a 
+belief founded simply on emotion.  There is a physical world 
+- the world as known to our senses, and there is a psychical 
+world - the world of feeling, consciousness, thought, and 
+moral life.
+
+Granting, if it pleases you, that material phenomena may be 
+the causes of mental phenomena, that 'la pensee est le 
+produit du corps entier,' still the two cannot be thought of 
+as one.  Until it can be proved that 'there is nothing in the 
+world but matter, force, and necessity,' - which will never 
+be, till we know how we lift our hands to our mouths, - there 
+remains for us a world of mystery, which reason never can 
+invade.
+
+It is a pregnant thought of John Mill's, apropos of material 
+and mental interdependence or identity, 'that the uniform 
+coexistence of one fact with another does not make the one 
+fact a part of the other, or the same with it.'
+
+A few words of Renan's may help to support the argument.  'Ce 
+qui revele le vrai Dieu, c'est le sentiment moral.  Si 
+l'humanite n'etait qu'intelligente, elle serait athee.  Le 
+devoir, le devouement, le sacrifice, toutes choses dont 
+l'histoire est pleine, sont inexplicables sans Dieu.'  For 
+all these we need help.  Is it foolishness to pray for it?  
+Perhaps so.  Yet, perhaps not; for 'Tout est possible, meme 
+Dieu.'
+
+Whether possible, or impossible, this much is absolutely 
+certain:  man must and will have a religion as long as this 
+world lasts.  Let us not fear truth.  Criticism will change 
+men's dogmas, but it will not change man's nature.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXVII
+
+
+
+MY confidence was restored, and with it my powers of 
+endurance.  Sleep was out of the question.  The night was 
+bright and frosty; and there was not heat enough in my body 
+to dry my flannel shirt.  I made shift to pull up some briar 
+bushes; and, piling them round me as a screen, got some 
+little shelter from the light breeze.  For hours I lay 
+watching Alpha Centauri - the double star of the Great Bear's 
+pointers - dipping under the Polar star like the hour hand of 
+a clock.  My thoughts, strange to say, ran little on the 
+morrow; they dwelt almost solely upon William Nelson.  How 
+far was I responsible, to what extent to blame, for leading 
+him, against his will, to death?  I re-enacted the whole 
+event.  Again he was in my hands, still breathing when I let 
+him go, knowing, as I did so, that the deed consigned him 
+living to his grave.  In this way I passed the night.
+
+Just as the first streaks of the longed-for dawn broke in the 
+East, I heard distant cries which sounded like the whoops of 
+Indians.  Then they ceased, but presently began again much 
+nearer than before.  There was no mistake about them now, - 
+they were the yappings of a pack of wolves, clearly enough, 
+upon our track of yesterday.  A few minutes more, and the 
+light, though still dim, revealed their presence coming on at 
+full gallop.  In vain I sought for stick or stone.  Even the 
+river, though I took to it, would not save me if they meant 
+mischief.  When they saw me they slackened their pace.  I did 
+not move.  They then halted, and forming a half-moon some 
+thirty yards off, squatted on their haunches, and began at 
+intervals to throw up their heads and howl.
+
+My chief hope was in the coming daylight.  They were less 
+likely to attack a man then than in the dark.  I had often 
+met one or two together when hunting; these had always 
+bolted.  But I had never seen a pack before; and I knew a 
+pack meant that they were after food.  All depended on their 
+hunger.
+
+When I kept still they got up, advanced a yard or two, then 
+repeated their former game.  Every minute the light grew 
+stronger; its warmer tints heralded the rising sun.  Seeing, 
+however, that my passivity encouraged them, and convinced 
+that a single step in retreat would bring the pack upon me, I 
+determined in a moment of inspiration to run amuck, and trust 
+to Providence for the consequences.  Flinging my arms wildly 
+into the air, and frantically yelling with all my lungs, I 
+dashed straight in for the lot of them.  They were, as I 
+expected, taken by surprise.  They jumped to their feet and 
+turned tail, but again stopped - this time farther off, and 
+howled with vexation at having to wait till their prey 
+succumbed.
+
+The sun rose.  Samson was on the move.  I shouted to him, and 
+he to me.  Finding me thus reinforced the enemy slunk off, 
+and I was not sorry to see the last of my ugly foes.  I now 
+repeated my instructions about our trysting place, waited 
+patiently till Samson had breakfasted (which he did with the 
+most exasperating deliberation), saw him saddle my horse and 
+leave his camp.  I then started upon my travels up the river, 
+to meet him.  After a mile or so, the high ground on both 
+banks obliged us to make some little detour.  We then lost 
+sight of each other; nor was he to be seen when I reached the 
+appointed spot.
+
+Long before I did so I began to feel the effects of my 
+labours.  My naked feet were in a terrible state from the 
+cactus thorns, which I had been unable to avoid in the dark; 
+occasional stones, too, had bruised and made them very 
+tender.  Unable to shuffle on at more than two miles an hour 
+at fastest, the happy thought occurred to me of tearing up my 
+shirt and binding a half round each foot.  This enabled me to 
+get on much better; but when the September sun was high, my 
+unprotected skin and head paid the penalty.  I waited for a 
+couple of hours, I dare say, hoping Samson would appear.  But 
+concluding at length that he had arrived long before me, 
+through the slowness of my early progress, and had gone 
+further up the river - thinking perhaps that I had meant some 
+other place - I gave him up; and, full of internal 'd-n' at 
+his incorrigible consistency, plodded on and on for - I knew 
+not where.
+
+Why, it may be asked, did I not try to cross where I had 
+intended?  I must confess my want of courage.  True, the 
+river here was not half, not a third, of the width of the 
+scene of my disasters; but I was weak in body and in mind.  
+Had anything human been on the other side to see me - to see 
+how brave I was, (alas! poor human nature!) - I could have 
+plucked up heart to risk it.  It would have been such a 
+comfort to have some one to see me drown!  But it is 
+difficult to play the hero with no spectators save oneself.  
+I shall always have a fellow-feeling with the Last Man:  
+practically, my position was about as uncomfortable as his 
+will be.
+
+One of the worst features of it was, what we so often 
+suffered from before - the inaccessibility of water.  The sun 
+was broiling, and the and soil reflected its scorching rays.  
+I was feverish from exhaustion, and there was nothing, 
+nothing to look forward to.  Mile after mile I crawled along, 
+sometimes half disposed to turn back, and try the deep but 
+narrow passage; then that inexhaustible fountain of last 
+hopes - the Unknown - tempted me to go forward.  I 
+persevered; when behold! as I passed a rock, an Indian stood 
+before me.
+
+He was as naked as I was.  Over his shoulder he carried a 
+spear as long as a salmon rod.  Though neither had foreseen 
+the other, he was absolutely unmoved, showed no surprise, no 
+curiosity, no concern.  He stood still, and let me come up to 
+him.  My only, or rather my uppermost, feeling was gladness.  
+Of course the thought crossed me of what he might do if he 
+owed the white skins a grudge.  If any white man had ever 
+harmed one of his tribe, I was at his mercy; and it was 
+certain that he would show me none.  He was a tall powerful 
+man, and in my then condition he could have done what he 
+pleased with me.  Friday was my model; the red man was 
+Robinson Crusoe.  I kneeled at his feet, and touched the 
+ground with my forehead.  He did not seem the least elated by 
+my humility:  there was not a spark of vanity in him.  
+Indeed, except for its hideousness and brutality, his face 
+was without expression.
+
+I now proceeded to make a drawing, with my finger, in the 
+sand, of a mule in the water; while I imitated by pantomime 
+the struggles of the drowning.  I then pointed to myself; 
+and, using my arms as in swimming, shook my head and my 
+finger to signify that I could not swim.  I worked an 
+imaginary paddle, and made him understand that I wanted him 
+to paddle me across the river.  Still he remained unmoved; 
+till finally I used one argument which interested him more 
+than all the rest of my story.  I untied a part of the shirt 
+round one foot and showed him three gold studs.  These I took 
+out and gave to him.  I also made a drawing of a rifle in the 
+sand, and signified that he would get the like if he went 
+with me to my camp.  Whereupon he turned in the direction I 
+was going; and, though unbidden by a look, I did not hesitate 
+to follow.
+
+I thought I must have dropped before we reached his village.  
+This was an osier-bed at the water's side, where the whole 
+river rushed through a rocky gorge not more than fifty to 
+sixty yards broad.  There were perhaps nearly a hundred 
+Indians here, two-thirds of whom were women and children.  
+Their habitations were formed by interlacing the tops of the 
+osiers.  Dogs' skins spread upon the ground and numerous 
+salmon spears were their only furniture.  In a few minutes my 
+arrival created a prodigious commotion.  The whole population 
+turned out to stare at me.  The children ran into the bushes 
+to hide.  But feminine curiosity conquered feminine timidity.  
+Although I was in the plight of the forlorn Odysseus after 
+his desperate swim, I had no 'blooming foliage' to wind 
+[Greek text which cannot be reproduced].  Unlike the 
+Phaeacian maidens, however, the tawny nymphs were all as 
+brave as Princess Nausicaa herself.  They stared, and 
+pointed, and buzzed, and giggled, and even touched my skin 
+with the tips of their fingers - to see, I suppose, if the 
+white would come off.
+
+But ravenous hunger turned up its nose at flirtation.  The 
+fillets of drying salmon suspended from every bough were a 
+million times more seductive than the dark Naiads who had 
+dressed them.  Slice after slice I tore down and devoured, as 
+though my maw were as compendious as Jack the Giant Killer's.  
+This so astonished and delighted the young women that they 
+kept supplying me, - with the expectation, perhaps, that 
+sooner or later I must share the giant's fate.
+
+While this was going on, a conference was being held; and I 
+had the satisfaction of seeing some men pull up a lot of dead 
+rushes, dexterously tie them into bundles, and truss these 
+together by means of spears.  They had no canoes, for the 
+very children were amphibious, living, so it seemed, as much 
+in the water as out of it.  When the raft was completed, I 
+was invited to embark.  My original friend, who had twisted a 
+tow-rope, took this between his teeth, and led the way.  
+Others swam behind and beside me to push and to pull.  The 
+force of the water was terrific; but they seemed to care no 
+more for that than fish.  My weight sunk the rush bundles a 
+good bit below the surface; and to try my nerves, my crew 
+every now and then with a wild yell dived simultaneously, 
+dragging the raft and me under water.  But I sat tight; and 
+with genuine friendliness they landed me safely on the 
+desired shore.
+
+It was quite dark before we set forth.  Robinson Crusoe 
+walked on as if he knew exactly where my camp was.  Probably 
+the whole catastrophe had by this time been bruited for miles 
+above and below the spot.  Five other stalwart young fellows 
+kept us company, each with salmon spear in hand.  The walk 
+seemed interminable; but I had shipped a goodly cargo of 
+latent energy.
+
+When I got home, instead of Samson, I found the camp occupied 
+by half a dozen Indians.  They were squatted round a fire, 
+smoking.  Each one, so it seemed, had appropriated some 
+article of our goods.  Our blankets were over their 
+shoulders.  One had William's long rifle in his lap.  Another 
+was sitting upon mine.  A few words were exchanged with the 
+newcomers, who seated themselves beside their friends; but no 
+more notice was taken of me than of the mules which were 
+eating rushes close to us.  How was I, single-handed, to 
+regain possession?  That was the burning question.  A 
+diplomatic course commanded itself as the only possible one.  
+There were six men who expected rewards, but the wherewithal 
+was held in seisin by other six.  The fight, if there were 
+one, should be between the two parties.  I would hope to 
+prove, that when thieves fall out honest men come by their 
+own.
+
+There is one adage whose truth I needed no further proof of.  
+Its first line apostrophises the 'Gods and little fishes.'  
+My chief need was for the garment which completes the rhyme.  
+Indians, having no use for corduroy small clothes, I speedily 
+donned mine.  Next I quietly but quickly snatched up 
+William's rifle, and presented it to Robinson Crusoe, patting 
+him on the back as if with honours of knighthood.  The 
+dispossessed was not well pleased, but Sir Robinson was; and, 
+to all appearances, he was a man of leading, if of darkness.  
+While words were passing between the two, I sauntered round 
+to the gentleman who sat cross-legged upon my weapon.  He was 
+as heedless of me as I, outwardly, of him.  When well within 
+reach, mindful that 'DE L'AUDACE' is no bad motto, in love 
+and war, I suddenly placed my foot upon his chest, tightened 
+the extensor muscle of my leg, and sent him heels over head.  
+In an instant the rifle was mine, and both barrels cocked.  
+After yesterday's immersion it might not have gone off, but 
+the offended Indian, though furious, doubtless inferred from 
+the histrionic attitude which I at once struck, that I felt 
+confident it would.  With my rifle in hand, with my suite 
+looking to me to transfer the plunder to them, my position 
+was now secure.  I put on a shirt - the only one left to me, 
+by the way - my shoes and stockings, and my shooting coat; 
+and picking out William's effects, divided these, with his 
+ammunition, his carpet-bag, and his blankets, amongst my 
+original friends.  I was beginning to gather my own things 
+together, when Samson, leading my horse, unexpectedly rode 
+into the midst of us.  The night was far advanced.  The 
+Indians took their leave; and added to the obligation by 
+bequeathing us a large fresh salmon, which served us for many 
+a day to come.
+
+As a postscript I may add that I found poor Mary's address on 
+one of her letters, and faithfully kept my promise as soon as 
+I reached pen and ink.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXVIII
+
+
+
+WHAT remains to be told will not take long.  Hardships 
+naturally increased as the means of bearing them diminished.  
+I have said the salmon held out for many days.  We cut it in 
+strips, and dried it as well as we could; but the flies and 
+maggots robbed us of a large portion of it.  At length we 
+were reduced to two small hams; nothing else except a little 
+tea.  Guessing the distance we had yet to go, and taking into 
+account our slow rate of travelling, I calculated the number 
+of days which, with the greatest economy, these could be made 
+to last.  Allowing only one meal a day, and that of the 
+scantiest, I scored the hams as a cook scores a leg of roast 
+pork, determined under no circumstances to exceed the daily 
+ration.
+
+No little discipline was requisite to adhere to this 
+resolution.  Samson broke down under the exposure and 
+privation; superadded dysentery rendered him all but 
+helpless, and even affected his mind.  The whole labour of 
+the camp then devolved on me.  I never roused him in the 
+morning till the mules were packed - with all but his blanket 
+and the pannikin for his tea - and until I had saddled his 
+horse for him.  Not till we halted at night did we get our 
+ration of ham.  This he ate, or rather bolted, raw, like a 
+wild beast.  My share I never touched till after I lay down 
+to sleep.  And so tired have I been, that once or twice I 
+woke in the morning with my hand at my mouth, the unswallowed 
+morsel between my teeth.  For three weeks we went on in this 
+way, never exchanging a word.  I cannot say how I might have 
+behaved had Fred been in Samson's place.  I hope I should 
+have been at least humane.  But I was labouring for my life, 
+and was not over tender-hearted.
+
+Certainly there was enough to try the patience of a better 
+man.  Take an instance.  Unable one morning to find my own 
+horse, I saddled his and started him off, so as not to waste 
+time, with his spare animal and the three mules.  It so 
+happened that our line of march was rather tortuous, owing to 
+some hills we had to round.  Still, as there were high 
+mountains in the distance which we were making for, it seemed 
+impossible that anyone could miss his way.  It was twenty 
+minutes, perhaps, before I found my horse; this would give 
+him about a mile or more start of me.  I hurried on, but 
+failed to overtake him.  At the end of an hour I rode to the 
+top of a hill which commanded a view of the course he should 
+have taken.  Not a moving speck was to be seen.  I knew then 
+that he had gone astray.  But in which direction?
+
+My heart sank within me.  The provisions and blankets were 
+with him.  I do not think that at any point of my journey I 
+had ever felt fear - panic that is - till now.  Starvation 
+stared me in the face.  My wits refused to suggest a line of 
+action.  I was stunned.  I felt then what I have often felt 
+since, what I still feel, that it is possible to wrestle 
+successfully with every difficulty that man has overcome, but 
+not with that supreme difficulty - man's stupidity.  It did 
+not then occur to me to give a name to the impatience that 
+seeks to gather grapes of thorns or figs of thistles.
+
+I turned back, retraced my steps till I came to the track of 
+the mules.  Luckily the ground retained the footprints, 
+though sometimes these would be lost for a hundred yards or 
+so.  Just as I anticipated - Samson had wound round the base 
+of the very first hill he came to; then, instead of 
+correcting the deviation, and steering for the mountains, had 
+simply followed his nose, and was now travelling due east, - 
+in other words, was going back over our track of the day 
+before.  It was past noon when I overtook him, so that a 
+precious day's labour was lost.
+
+I said little, but that little was a sentence of death.
+
+'After to-day,' I began, 'we will travel separately.'
+
+At first he seemed hardly to take in my meaning.  I explained 
+it.
+
+'As well as I can make out, before we get to the Dalles, 
+where we ought to find the American outposts, we have only 
+about 150 miles to go.  This should not take more than eight 
+or nine days.  I can do it in a week alone, but not with you.  
+I have come to the conclusion that with you I may not be able 
+to do it at all.  We have still those mountains' - pointing 
+to the Blue Mountain range in the distance - 'to cross.  They 
+are covered with snow, as you see.  We may find them 
+troublesome.  In any case our food will only last eight or 
+nine days more, even at the present rate.  You shall have the 
+largest half of what is left, for you require more than I do.  
+But I cannot, and will not, sacrifice my life for your sake.  
+I have made up my mind to leave you.'
+
+It must always be a terrible thing for a judge to pass the 
+sentence of death.  But then he is fulfilling a duty, merely 
+carrying out a law which is not of his making.  Moreover, he 
+has no option - the responsibility rests with the jury; last 
+of all, the sufferer is a criminal.  Between the judge's case 
+and mine there was no analogy.  My act was a purely selfish 
+one - justifiable I still think, though certainly not 
+magnanimous.  I was quite aware of this at the time, but a 
+starving man is not burdened with generosity.
+
+I dismounted, and, without unsaddling the mules, took off 
+their packs, now reduced to a few pounds, which was all the 
+wretched, raw-backed, and half-dead, animals could stagger 
+under; and, putting my blanket, the remains of a ham, and a 
+little packet of tea - some eight or ten tea-spoonfuls - on 
+one mule, I again prepared to mount my horse and depart.
+
+I took, as it were, a sneaking glance at Samson.  He was 
+sitting upon the ground, with his face between his knees, 
+sobbing.
+
+At three-and-twenty the heart of a man, or of a woman - if 
+either has any, which, of course, may be doubtful - is apt to 
+play the dynamite with his or her resolves.  Water-drops have 
+ever been formidable weapons of the latter, as we all know; 
+and, not being so accustomed to them then as I have become 
+since, the sight of the poor devil's abject woe and 
+destitution, the thought that illness and suffering were the 
+causes, the secret whisper that my act was a cowardly one, 
+forced me to follow the lines of least resistance, and submit 
+to the decrees of destiny.
+
+One more page from my 'Ride,' and the reader will, I think, 
+have a fair conception of its general character.  For the 
+last two hours the ascent of the Blue Mountains had been very 
+steep.  We were in a thick pine forest.  There was a track - 
+probably made by Indians.  Near the summit we found a spring 
+of beautiful water.  Here we halted for the night.  It was a 
+snug spot.  But, alas! there was nothing for the animals to 
+eat except pine needles.  We lighted our fire against the 
+great up-torn roots of a fallen tree; and, though it was 
+freezing hard, we piled on such masses of dead boughs that 
+the huge blaze seemed to warm the surrounding atmosphere.
+
+I must here give the words of my journal, for one exclamation 
+in it has a sort of schoolboy ring that recalls the buoyancy 
+of youthful spirits, the spirits indeed to which in early 
+life we owe our enterprise and perseverance:
+
+'As I was dozing off, a pack of hungry wolves that had 
+scented us out set up the most infernal chorus ever heard.  
+In vain I pulled the frozen buffalo-robe over my head, and 
+tried to get to sleep.  The demons drew nearer and nearer, 
+howling, snarling, fighting, moaning, and making a row in the 
+perfect stillness which reigned around, as if hell itself 
+were loose.  For some time I bore it with patience.  At 
+length, jumping up, I yelled in a voice that made the valley 
+ring:  You devils! will you be quiet?  The appeal was 
+immediately answered by silence; but hearing them tuning up 
+for a second concert, I threw some wood on the blazing fire 
+and once more retired to my lair.  For a few minutes I lay 
+awake to admire a brilliant Aurora Borealis shooting out its 
+streams of electric light.  Then, turning over on my side, I 
+never moved again till dawn.'
+
+The first objects that caught my eye were the animals.  They 
+were huddled together within a couple of yards of where we 
+lay.  It was a horrible sight.  Two out of the three mules, 
+and Samson's horse, had been attacked by the wolves.  The 
+flanks of the horse were terribly torn, and the entrails of 
+both the mules were partially hanging out.  Though all three 
+were still standing with their backs arched, they were 
+rapidly dying from loss of blood.  My dear little ' 
+Strawberry' - as we called him to match William's 'Cream' and 
+my mare were both intact.
+
+A few days after this, Samson's remaining horse gave out.  I 
+had to surrender what remained of my poor beast in order to 
+get my companion through.  The last fifty miles of the 
+journey I performed on foot; sometimes carrying my rifle to 
+relieve the staggering little mule of a few pounds extra 
+weight.  At long last the Dalles hove in sight.  And our cry, 
+'The tents! the tents!' echoed the joyous 'Thalassa! 
+Thalassa!' of the weary Greeks.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIX
+
+
+
+'WHERE is the tent of the commanding officer?' I asked of the 
+first soldier I came across.
+
+He pointed to one on the hillside.  'Ags for Major Dooker,' 
+was the Dutch-accented answer.
+
+Bidding Samson stay where he was, I made my way as directed.  
+A middle-aged officer in undress uniform was sitting on an 
+empty packing-case in front of his tent, whittling a piece of 
+its wood.
+
+'Pray sir,' said I in my best Louis Quatorze manner, 'have I 
+the pleasure of speaking to Major Dooker?'
+
+'Tucker, sir.  And who the devil are you?'
+
+Let me describe what the Major saw:  A man wasted by 
+starvation to skin and bone, blackened, almost, by months of 
+exposure to scorching suns; clad in the shreds of what had 
+once been a shirt, torn by every kind of convict labour, 
+stained by mud and the sweat and sores of mules; the rags of 
+a shooting coat to match; no head covering; hands festering 
+with sores, and which for weeks had not touched water - if 
+they could avoid it.  Such an object, in short, as the genius 
+of a Phil May could alone have depicted as the most repulsive 
+object he could imagine.
+
+'Who the devil are you?'
+
+'An English gentleman, sir, travelling for pleasure.'
+
+He smiled.  'You look more like a wild beast.'
+
+'I am quite tame, sir, I assure you - could even eat out of 
+your hand if I had a chance.'
+
+'Is your name Coke?'
+
+'Yes,' was my amazed reply.
+
+'Then come with me - I will show you something that may 
+surprise you.'
+
+I followed him to a neighbouring tent.  He drew aside the 
+flap of it, and there on his blanket lay Fred Calthorpe, 
+snoring in perfect bliss.
+
+Our greetings were less restrained than our parting had been.  
+We were truly glad to meet again.  He had arrived just two 
+days before me, although he had been at Salt Lake City.  But 
+he had been able there to refit, had obtained ample supplies 
+and fresh animals.  Curiously enough, his Nelson - the 
+French-Canadian - had also been drowned in crossing the Snake 
+River.  His place, however, had been filled by another man, 
+and Jacob had turned out a treasure.  The good fellow greeted 
+me warmly.  And it was no slight compensation for bygone 
+troubles to be assured by him that our separation had led to 
+the final triumphal success.
+
+Fred and I now shared the same tent.  To show what habit will 
+do, it was many days before I could accustom myself to sleep 
+under cover of a tent even, and in preference slept, as I had 
+done for five months, under the stars.  The officers 
+liberally furnished us with clothing.  But their excessive 
+hospitality more nearly proved fatal to me than any peril I 
+had met with.  One's stomach had quite lost its discretion.  
+And forgetting that
+
+
+Famished people must be slowly nursed,
+And fed by spoonfuls, else they always burst,
+
+
+one never knew when to leave off eating.  For a few days I 
+was seriously ill.
+
+An absurd incident occurred to me here which might have had 
+an unpleasant ending.  Every evening, after dinner in the 
+mess tent, we played whist.  One night, quite by accident, 
+Fred and I happened to be partners.  The Major and another 
+officer made up the four.  The stakes were rather high.  We 
+two had had an extraordinary run of luck.  The Major's temper 
+had been smouldering for some time.  Presently the deal fell 
+to me; and as bad luck would have it, I dealt myself a 
+handful of trumps, and - all four honours.  As the last of 
+these was played, the now blazing Major dashed his cards on 
+the table, and there and then called me out.  The cooler 
+heads of two or three of the others, with whom Fred had had 
+time to make friends, to say nothing of the usual roar of 
+laughter with which he himself heard the challenge, brought 
+the matter to a peaceful issue.  The following day one of the 
+officers brought me a graceful apology.
+
+As may readily be supposed, we had no hankering for further 
+travels such as we had gone through.  San Francisco was our 
+destination; but though as unknown to us as Charles Lamb's 
+'Stranger,' we 'damned' the overland route 'at a venture'; 
+and settled, as there was no alternative, to go in a trading 
+ship to the Sandwich Islands thence, by the same means, to 
+California.
+
+On October 20 we procured a canoe large enough for seven or 
+eight persons; and embarking with our light baggage, Fred, 
+Samson, and I, took leave of the Dalles.  For some miles the 
+great river, the Columbia, runs through the Cascade 
+Mountains, and is confined, as heretofore, in a channel of 
+basaltic rock.  Further down it widens, and is ornamented by 
+groups of small wooded islands.  On one of these we landed to 
+rest our Indians and feed.  Towards evening we again put 
+ashore, at an Indian village, where we camped for the night.  
+The scenery here is magnificent.  It reminded me a little of 
+the Danube below Linz, or of the finest parts of the Elbe in 
+Saxon Switzerland.  But this is to compare the full-length 
+portrait with the miniature.  It is the grandeur of the scale 
+of the best of the American scenery that so strikes the 
+European.  Variety, however, has its charms; and before one 
+has travelled fifteen hundred miles on the same river - as 
+one may easily do in America - one begins to sigh for the 
+Rhine, or even for a trip from London to Greenwich, with a 
+white-bait dinner at the end of it.
+
+The day after, we descended the Cascades.  They are the 
+beginning of an immense fall in the level, and form a 
+succession of rapids nearly two miles long.  The excitement 
+of this passage is rather too great for pleasure.  It is like 
+being run away with by a 'motor' down a steep hill.  The bow 
+of the canoe is often several feet below the stern, as if 
+about to take a 'header.'  The water, in glassy ridges and 
+dark furrows, rushes headlong, and dashes itself madly 
+against the reefs which crop up everywhere.  There is no 
+time, one thinks, to choose a course, even if steerage, which 
+seems absurd, were possible.  One is hurled along at railway 
+speed.  The upreared rock, that a moment ago seemed a hundred 
+yards off, is now under the very bow of the canoe.  One 
+clenches one's teeth, holds one's breath, one's hour is 
+surely come.  But no - a shout from the Indians, a magic 
+stroke of the paddle in the bow, another in the stern, and 
+the dreaded crag is far above out heads, far, far behind; 
+and, for the moment, we are gliding on - undrowned.
+
+At the lower end of the rapids (our Indians refusing to go 
+further), we had to debark.  A settler here was putting up a 
+zinc house for a store.  Two others, with an officer of the 
+Mounted Rifles - the regiment we had left at the Dalles - 
+were staying with him.  They welcomed our arrival, and 
+insisted on our drinking half a dozen of poisonous stuff they 
+called champagne.  There were no chairs or table in the 
+'house,' nor as yet any floor; and only the beginning of a 
+roof.  We sat on the ground, so that I was able 
+surreptitiously to make libations with my share, to the 
+earth.
+
+According to my journal:  'In a short time the party began to 
+be a noisy one.  Healths were drunk, toasts proposed, 
+compliments to our respective nationalities paid in the most 
+flattering terms.  The Anglo-Saxon race were destined to 
+conquer the globe.  The English were the greatest nation 
+under the sun - that is to say, they had been.  America, of 
+course, would take the lead in time to come.  We disputed 
+this.  The Americans were certain of it, in fact this was 
+already an accomplished fact.  The big officer - a genuine 
+"heavy" - wanted to know where the man was that would give 
+him the lie!  Wasn't the Mounted Rifles the crack regiment of 
+the United States army?  And wasn't the United States army 
+the finest army in the universe?  Who that knew anything of 
+history would compare the Peninsular Campaign to the war in 
+Mexico?  Talk of Waterloo - Britishers were mighty fond of 
+swaggering about Waterloo!  Let 'em look at Chepultapec.  As 
+for Wellington, he couldn't shine nohow with General Scott, 
+nor old Zack neither!'
+
+Then, WE wished for a war, just to let them see what our 
+crack cavalry regiments could do.  Mounted Rifles forsooth!  
+Mounted costermongers! whose trade it was to sell 'nutmegs 
+made of wood, and clocks that wouldn't figure.'  Then some 
+pretty forcible profanity was vented, fists were shaken, and 
+the zinc walls were struck, till they resounded like the 
+threatened thunder of artillery.
+
+But Fred's merry laughter diverted the tragic end.  It was 
+agreed that there had been too much tall talk.  Britishers 
+and Americans were not such fools as to quarrel.  Let 
+everybody drink everybody else's health.  A gentleman in the 
+corner (he needed the support of both walls) thought it 
+wasn't good to 'liquor up' too much on an empty stomach; he 
+put it to the house that we should have supper.  The motion 
+was carried NEM. CON., and a Dutch cheese was produced with 
+much ECLAT.  Samson coupled the ideas of Dutch cheeses and 
+Yankee hospitality.  This revived the flagging spirit of 
+emulation.  On one side, it was thought that British manners 
+were susceptible of amendment.  Confusion was then 
+respectively drunk to Yankee hospitality, English manners, 
+and - this was an addition of Fred's - to Dutch cheeses.  
+After which, to change the subject, a song was called for, 
+and a gentleman who shall be nameless, for there was a little 
+mischief in the choice, sang 'Rule Britannia.'  Not being 
+encored, the singer drank to the flag that had braved the 
+battle and the breeze for nearly ninety years.  'Here's to 
+Uncle Sam, and his stars and stripes.'  The mounted officer 
+rose to his legs (with difficulty) and declared 'that he 
+could not, and would not, hear his country insulted any 
+longer.  He begged to challenge the "crowd."  He regretted 
+the necessity, but his feelings had been wounded, and he 
+could not - no, he positively could not stand it.'  A slight 
+push from Samson proved the fact - the speaker fell, to rise 
+no more.  The rest of the company soon followed his example, 
+and shortly afterwards there was no sound but that of the 
+adjacent rapids.
+
+Early next morning the settler's boat came up, and took us a 
+mile down the river, where we found a larger one to convey us 
+to Fort Vancouver.  The crew were a Maltese sailor and a man 
+who had been in the United States army.  Each had his private 
+opinions as to her management.  Naturally, the Maltese should 
+have been captain, but the soldier was both supercargo and 
+part owner, and though it was blowing hard and the sails were 
+fully large, the foreigner, who was but a poor little 
+creature, had to obey orders.
+
+As the river widened and grew rougher, we were wetted from 
+stem to stern at every plunge; and when it became evident 
+that the soldier could not handle the sails if the Maltese 
+was kept at the helm, the heavy rifleman who was on board, 
+declaring that he knew the river, took upon himself to steer 
+us.  In a few minutes the boat was nearly swamped.  The 
+Maltese prayed and blasphemed in language which no one 
+understood.  The oaths of the soldier were intelligible 
+enough.  The 'heavy,' now alarmed, nervously asked what had 
+better be done.  My advice was to grease the bowsprit, let go 
+the mast, and splice the main brace.  'In another minute or 
+two,' I added, 'you'll steer us all to the bottom.'
+
+Fred, who thought it no time for joking, called the rifleman 
+a 'damned fool,' and authoritatively bade him give up the 
+tiller; saying that I had been in Her Majesty's Navy, and 
+perhaps knew a little more about boats than he did.  To this 
+the other replied that 'he didn't want anyone to learn him; 
+he reckon'd he'd been raised to boating as well as the next 
+man, and he'd be derned if he was going to trust his life to 
+anybody!'  Samson, thinking no doubt of his own, took his 
+pipe out of his mouth, and towering over the steersman, flung 
+him like a child on one side.  In an instant I was in his 
+place.
+
+It was a minute or two before the boat had way enough to 
+answer the helm.  By that time we were within a dozen yards 
+of a reef.  Having noticed, however, that the little craft 
+was quick in her stays, I kept her full till the last, put 
+the helm down, and round she spun in a moment.  Before I 
+could thank my stars, the pintle, or hook on which the rudder 
+hangs, broke off.  The tiller was knocked out of my hand, and 
+the boat's head flew into the wind.  'Out with the sweeps,' I 
+shouted.  But the sweeps were under the gear.  All was 
+confusion and panic.  The two men cursed in the names of 
+their respective saints.  The 'heavy' whined, 'I told you how 
+it w'd be.'  Samson struggled valiantly to get at an oar, 
+while Fred, setting the example, begged all hands to be calm, 
+and be ready to fend the stern off the rocks with a boathook.  
+As we drifted into the surf I was wondering how many bumps 
+she would stand before she went to pieces.  Happily the water 
+shallowed, and the men, by jumping overboard, managed to drag 
+the boat through the breakers under the lee of the point.  We 
+afterwards drew her up on to the beach, kindled a fire, got 
+out some provisions, and stayed till the storm was over.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXX
+
+
+
+WHAT was then called Fort Vancouver was a station of the 
+Hudson's Bay Company.  We took up our quarters here till one 
+of the company's vessels - the 'Mary Dare,' a brig of 120 
+tons, was ready to sail for the Sandwich Islands.  This was 
+about the most uncomfortable trip I ever made.  A sailing 
+merchant brig of 120 tons, deeply laden, is not exactly a 
+pleasure yacht; and 2,000 miles is a long voyage.  For ten 
+days we lay at anchor at the mouth of the Columbia, detained 
+by westerly gales.  A week after we put to sea, all our fresh 
+provisions were consumed, and we had to live on our cargo - 
+dried salmon.  We three and the captain more than filled the 
+little hole of a cabin.  There wasn't even a hammock, and we 
+had to sleep on the deck, or on the lockers.  The fleas, the 
+cockroaches, and the rats, romped over and under one all 
+night.  Not counting the time it took to go down the river, 
+or the ten days we were kept at its mouth, we were just six 
+weeks at sea before we reached Woahoo, on Christmas Day.
+
+How beautiful the islands looked as we passed between them, 
+with a fair wind and studding sails set alow and aloft.  
+Their tropical charms seemed more glowing, the water bluer, 
+the palm trees statelier, the vegetation more libertine than 
+ever.  On the south the land rises gradually from the shore 
+to a range of lofty mountains.  Immediately behind Honolulu - 
+the capital - a valley with a road winding up it leads to the 
+north side of the island.  This valley is, or was then, 
+richly cultivated, principally with TARO, a large root not 
+unlike the yam.  Here and there native huts were dotted 
+about, with gardens full of flowers, and abundance of 
+tropical fruit.  Higher up, where it becomes too steep for 
+cultivation, growth of all kind is rampant.  Acacias, 
+oranges, maples, bread-fruit, and sandal-wood trees, rear 
+their heads above the tangled ever-greens.  The high peaks, 
+constantly in the clouds, arrest the moisture of the ocean 
+atmosphere, and countless rills pour down the mountain sides, 
+clothing everything in perpetual verdure.  The climate is one 
+of the least changeable in the world; the sea breeze blows 
+day and night, and throughout the year the day temperature 
+does not vary more than five or six degrees, the average 
+being about eighty-three degrees Fahrenheit in the shade.  In 
+1850 the town of Honolulu was little else than a native 
+village of grass and mat huts.  Two or three merchants had 
+good houses.  In one of these Fred and Samson were domiciled; 
+there was no such thing as a hotel.  I was the guest of 
+General Miller, the Consul-General.  What changes may have 
+taken place since the above date I have no means of knowing.  
+So far as the natives go, the change will assuredly have been 
+for the worse; for the aborigines, in all parts of the world, 
+lose their primitive simplicity and soon acquire the worst 
+vices of civilisation.
+
+Even King Tamehameha III. was not innocent of one of them.  
+General Miller offered to present us at court, but he had to 
+give several days' notice in order that his Majesty might be 
+sufficiently sober to receive us.  A negro tailor from the 
+United States fitted us out with suits of black, and on the 
+appointed day we put ourselves under the shade of the old 
+General's cocked hat, and marched in a body to the palace.  A 
+native band, in which a big drum had the leading part, 
+received us with 'God save the Queen' - whether in honour of 
+King Tamy, or of his visitors, was not divulged.  We were 
+first introduced to a number of chiefs in European uniforms - 
+except as to their feet, which were mostly bootless.  Their 
+names sounded like those of the state officers in Mr. 
+Gilbert's 'Mikado.'  I find in my journal one entered as 
+Tovey-tovey, another as Kanakala.  We were then conducted to 
+the presence chamber by the Foreign Minister, Mr. Wiley, a 
+very pronounced Scotch gentleman with a star of the first 
+magnitude on his breast.  The King was dressed as an English 
+admiral.  The Queen, whose ample undulations also reminded 
+one of the high seas, was on his right; while in perfect 
+gradation on her right again were four princesses in short 
+frocks and long trousers, with plaited tails tied with blue 
+ribbon, like the Miss Kenwigs.  A little side dispute arose 
+between the stiff old General and the Foreign Minister as to 
+whose right it was to present us.  The Consul carried the 
+day; but the Scot, not to be beaten, informed Tamehameha, in 
+a long prefatory oration, of the object of the ceremony.  
+Taking one of us by the hand (I thought the peppery old 
+General would have thrust him aside), Mr. Wiley told the King 
+that it was seldom the Sandwich Islands were 'veesited' by 
+strangers of such 'desteenction' - that the Duke of this 
+(referring to Fred's relations), and Lord the other, were the 
+greatest noblemen in the world; then, with much solemnity, 
+quoted a long speech from Shakespeare, and handed us over to 
+his rival.
+
+His Majesty, who did not understand a word of English, or 
+Scotch, looked grave and held tight to the arm of the throne; 
+for the truth is, that although he had relinquished his 
+bottle for the hour, he had brought its contents with him.  
+My salaam was soon made; but as I retired backwards I had the 
+misfortune to set my heel on the toes of a black-and-tan 
+terrier, a privileged pet of the General's.  The shriek of 
+the animal and the loss of my equilibrium nearly precipitated 
+me into the arms of a trousered princess; but the amiable 
+young lady only laughed.  Thus ended my glimpse of the 
+Hawaian Court.  Mr. Wiley afterwards remarked to me:  'We do 
+things in a humble way, ye'll obsairve; but royalty is 
+royalty all over the world, and His Majesty Tamehameha is as 
+much Keng of his ain domeenions as Victoria is Queen of 
+Breetain.' The relativity of greatness was not to be denied.
+
+The men - Kanakas, as they are called - are fine stalwart 
+fellows above our average height.  The only clothing they 
+then wore was the MARO, a cloth made by themselves of the 
+acacia bark.  This they pass between the legs, and once or 
+twice round the loins.  The WYHEENES - women - formerly wore 
+nothing but a short petticoat or kilt of the same material.  
+By persuasion of the missionaries they have exchanged this 
+simple garment for a chemise of printed calico, with the 
+waist immediately under the arms so as to conceal the contour 
+of the figure.  Other clothing have they none.
+
+Are they the more chaste?  Are they the less seductive -?  
+Hear what M. Anatole France says in his apostrophe to the 
+sex:  'Pour faire de vous la terrible merveille que vous etes 
+aujourd'hui, pour devenir la cause indifferente et souveraine 
+des sacrifices et des crimes, il vous a fallu deux choses:  
+la civilisation qui vous donna des voiles, et la religion qui 
+vous donna des scrupules.'  The translation of which is 
+(please take note of it, my dear young ladies with 'les 
+epaules qui ne finissent pas'):
+
+
+'Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard
+Are sweeter.'
+
+
+Be this as it may, these chocolate-skinned beauties, with 
+their small and regular features, their rosy lips, their 
+perfect teeth - of which they take great care - their 
+luxurious silky tresses, their pretty little hands and naked 
+feet, and their exquisite forms, would match the matchless 
+Cleopatra.
+
+Through the kindness of Fred's host, the principal merchant 
+in the island, we were offered an opportunity of becoming 
+acquainted with the ELITE of the Honolulu nymphs.  Mr. S. 
+invited us to what is called a LOOHOU feast got up by him for 
+their entertainment.  The head of one of the most picturesque 
+valleys in Woahoo was selected for the celebration of this 
+ancient festival.  Mounted on horses with which Mr. S. had 
+furnished us, we repaired in a party to the appointed spot.  
+It was early in the afternoon when we reached it; none of the 
+guests had arrived, excepting a few Kanakas, who were engaged 
+in thatching an old shed as shelter from the sun, and 
+strewing the ground with a thick carpet of palm-leaves.  Ere 
+long, a cavalcade of between thirty and forty amazons - they 
+all rode astride - came racing up the valley at full speed, 
+their merry shouts proclaiming their approach.  Gaudy strips 
+of MARO were loosely folded around their legs for skirts.  
+Their pretty little straw hats trimmed with ribbons, or their 
+uncovered heads with their long hair streaming in the wind, 
+confined only by a wreath of fresh orange flowers, added to 
+their irresistible charm.  Certainly, the bravest soldiers 
+could not have withstood their charge.  No men, however, were 
+admitted, save those who had been expressly invited; but each 
+lady of importance was given a CARTE BLANCHE to bring as many 
+of her own sex as she pleased, provided they were both pretty 
+and respectable.
+
+As they rode up, we cavaliers, with becoming gallantry, 
+offered our assistance while they dismounted.  Smitten 
+through and through by the bright eyes of one little houri 
+who possessed far more than her share of the first 
+requirement, and, taking the second for granted, I 
+courteously prepared to aid her to alight; when, to my 
+discomfiture, instead of a gracious acknowledgment of my 
+services, she gave me a sharp cut with her whip.  As, 
+however, she laughed merrily at my wry faces, I accepted the 
+act as a scratch of the kitten's claws; at least, it was no 
+sign of indifference, and giving myself the benefit of the 
+doubt, lifted her from her saddle without further 
+chastisement, except a coquettish smile that wounded, alas! 
+more than it healed.
+
+The feast was thus prepared:  poultry, sucking-pigs, and 
+puppies - the last, after being scalded and scraped, were 
+stuffed with vegetables and spices, rolled in plantain 
+leaves, and placed in the ground upon stones already heated.  
+More stones were then laid over them, and fires lighted on 
+the top of all.  While the cooking was in progress, the 
+Kanakas ground TARO roots for the paste called 'poe'; the 
+girls danced and sang.  The songs were devoid of melody, 
+being musical recitations of imaginary love adventures, 
+accompanied by swayings of the body and occasional choral 
+interruptions, all becoming more and more excited as the 
+story or song approached its natural climax.  Sometimes this 
+was varied by a solitary dancer starting from the circle, and 
+performing the wildest bacchanalian antics, to the vocal 
+incitement of the rest.  This only ended with physical 
+exhaustion, or collapse from feminine hysteria.
+
+The food was excellent; the stuffed puppy was a dish for an 
+epicure.  Though knives and forks were unknown, and each 
+helped herself from the plantain leaf, one had not the least 
+objection to do likewise, for the most scrupulous cleanliness 
+is one of the many merits of these fascinating creatures.  
+Before every dip into the leaf, the dainty little fingers 
+were plunged into bowls of fresh water provided for the 
+purpose.  Delicious fruit followed the substantial fare; a 
+small glass of KAVA - a juice extracted from a root of the 
+pepper tribe - was then served to all alike.  Having watched 
+the process of preparing the beverage, I am unable to speak 
+as to its flavour.  The making of it is remarkable.  A number 
+of women sit on the ground, chew the root, and spit its juice 
+into a bowl.  The liquor is kept till it ferments, after 
+which it becomes highly intoxicating.  I regret to say that 
+its potency was soon manifested on this occasion.  No sooner 
+did the poison set their wild blood tingling, than a free 
+fight began for the remaining gourds.  Such a scratching, 
+pulling of hair, clawing, kicking, and crying, were never 
+seen.  Only by main force did we succeed in restoring peace.  
+It is but fair to state that, except on the celebration of 
+one or two solemn and sacred rites such as that of the 
+LOOHOU, these island Thyades never touch fermented liquors.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXI
+
+
+
+IT was an easier task when all was over to set the little 
+Amazons on their horses than to keep them there, for by the 
+time we had perched one on her saddle, or pad rather, and 
+adjusted her with the greatest nicety, another whom we had 
+just left would lose her balance and fall with a scream to 
+the ground.  It was almost as difficult as packing mules on 
+the prairie.  For my part it must be confessed that I left 
+the completion of the job to others.  Curious and 
+entertaining as the feast was, my whole attention was centred 
+and absorbed in Arakeeta, which that artful little 
+enchantress had the gift to know, and lashed me accordingly 
+with her eyes more cruelly than she had done with her whip.  
+I had got so far, you see, as to learn her name, the first 
+instalment of an intimacy which my demolished heart was 
+staked on perfecting.  I noticed that she refused the KAVA 
+with real or affected repugnance; and when the passage of 
+arms, and legs, began, she slipped away, caught her animal, 
+and with a parting laugh at me, started off for home.  There 
+was not the faintest shadow of encouragement in her saucy 
+looks to follow her.  Still, she was a year older than 
+Juliet, who was nearly fourteen; so, who could say what those 
+looks might veil?  Besides:
+
+
+Das Naturell der Frauen
+Ist so nah mit Kunst verwandt,
+
+
+that one might easily be mistaken.  Anyhow, flight provoked 
+pursuit; I jumped on to my horse, and raced along the plain 
+like mad.  She saw me coming, and flogged the more, but being 
+the better mounted of the two, by degrees I overhauled her.  
+As I ranged alongside, neither slackened speed; and reaching 
+out to catch her bridle, my knee hooked under the hollow of 
+hers, twisted her clean off her pad, and in a moment she lay 
+senseless on the ground.  I flung myself from my horse, and 
+laid her head upon my lap.  Good God! had I broken her neck!  
+She did not stir; her eyes were closed, but she breathed, and 
+her heart beat quickly.  I was wild with terror and remorse.  
+I looked back for aid, but the others had not started; we 
+were still a mile or more from Honolulu.  I knew not what to 
+do.  I kissed her forehead, I called her by her name.  But 
+she lay like a child asleep.  Presently her dazed eyes opened 
+and stared with wonderment, and then she smiled.  The tears, 
+I think, were on my cheeks, and seeing them, she put her arms 
+around my neck and - forgave me.
+
+She had fallen on her head and had been stunned.  I caught 
+the horses while she sat still, and we walked them slowly 
+home.  When we got within sight of her hut on the outskirts 
+of the town, she would not let me go further.  There was 
+sadness in her look when we parted.  I made her understand (I 
+had picked up two or three words) that I would return to see 
+her.  She at once shook her head with an expression of 
+something akin to fear.  I too felt sorrowful, and worse than 
+sorrowful, jealous.
+
+When the night fell I sought her hut.  It was one of the 
+better kind, built like others mainly with matting; no doors 
+or windows, but with an extensive verandah which protected 
+the inner part from rain and sun.  Now and again I caught 
+glimpses of Arakeeta's fairy form flitting in, or obscuring, 
+the lamplight.  I could see two other women and two men.  Who 
+and what were they?  Was one of those dark forms an Othello, 
+ready to smother his Desdemona?  Or were either of them a 
+Valentine between my Marguerite and me?  Though there was no 
+moon, I dared not venture within the lamp's rays, for her 
+sake; for my own, I was reckless now - I would have thanked 
+either of them to brain me with his hoe.  But Arakeeta came 
+not.
+
+In the day-time I roamed about the district, about the TARO 
+fields, in case she might be working there.  Every evening 
+before sundown, many of the women and some of the well-to-do 
+men, and a few whites, used to ride on the plain that 
+stretches along the shore between the fringe of palm groves 
+and the mountain spurs.  I had seen Arakeeta amongst them 
+before the LOOHOU feast.  She had given this up now, and why?  
+Night after night I hovered about the hut.  When she was in 
+the verandah I whispered her name.  She started and peered 
+into the dark, hesitated, then fled.  Again the same thing 
+happened.  She had heard me, she knew that I was there, but 
+she came not; no, wiser than I, she came not.  And though I 
+sighed:
+
+
+What is worth
+The rest of Heaven, the rest of earth?
+
+
+the shrewd little wench doubtless told herself:  'A quiet 
+life, without the fear of the broomstick.'
+
+Fred was impatient to be off, I had already trespassed too 
+long on the kind hospitality of General Miller, neither of us 
+had heard from England for more than a year, and the 
+opportunities of trading vessels to California seldom 
+offered.  A rare chance came - a fast-sailing brig, the 
+'Corsair,' was to leave in a few days for San Francisco.  The 
+captain was an Englishman, and had the repute of being a boon 
+companion and a good caterer.  We - I, passively - settled to 
+go.  Samson decided to remain.  He wanted to visit Owyhee.  
+He came on board with us, however; and, with a parting bumper 
+of champagne, we said 'Good-bye.'  That was the last I ever 
+saw of him.  The hardships had broken him down.  He died not 
+long after.
+
+The light breeze carried us slowly away - for the first time 
+for many long months with our faces to the east.  But it was 
+not 'merry' England that filled my juvenile fancies.  I 
+leaned upon the taffrail and watched this lovely land of the 
+'flowery food' fade slowly from my sight.  I had eaten of the 
+Lotus, and knew no wish but to linger on, to roam no more, to 
+return no more, to any home that was not Arakeeta's.
+
+This sort of feeling is not very uncommon in early life.  And 
+'out of sight, out of mind,' is also a known experience.  
+Long before we reached San Fr'isco I was again eager for 
+adventure.
+
+How magnificent is the bay!  One cannot see across it.  How 
+impatient we were to land!  Everything new.  Bearded dirty 
+heterogeneous crowds busy in all directions, - some running 
+up wooden and zinc houses, some paving the streets with 
+planks, some housing over ships beached for temporary 
+dwellings.  The sandy hills behind the infant town are being 
+levelled and the foreshore filled up.  A 'water surface' of 
+forty feet square is worth 5,000 dollars.  So that here and 
+there the shop-fronts are ships' broadsides.  Already there 
+is a theatre.  But the chief feature is the gambling saloons, 
+open night and day.  These large rooms are always filled with 
+from 300 to 400 people of every description - from 'judges' 
+and 'colonels' (every man is one or the other, who is nothing 
+else) to Parisian cocottes, and escaped convicts of all 
+nationalities.  At one end of the saloon is a bar, at the 
+other a band.  Dozens of tables are ranged around.  Monte, 
+faro, rouge-et-noir, are the games.  A large proportion of 
+the players are diggers in shirt-sleeves and butcher-boots, 
+belts round their waists for bowie knife and 'five shooters,' 
+which have to be surrendered on admittance.  They come with 
+their bags of nuggets or 'dust,' which is duly weighed, 
+stamped, and sealed by officials for the purpose.
+
+1 have still several specimens of the precious metal which I 
+captured, varying in size from a grain of wheat to a mustard 
+seed.
+
+The tables win enormously, and so do the ladies of pleasure; 
+but the winnings of these go back again to the tables.  Four 
+times, while we were here, differences of opinion arose 
+concerning points of 'honour,' and were summarily decided by 
+revolvers.  Two of the four were subsequently referred to 
+Judge 'Lynch.'
+
+Wishing to see the 'diggings,' Fred and I went to Sacramento 
+- about 150 miles up the river of that name.  This was but a 
+pocket edition of San Francisco, or scarcely that.  We 
+therefore moved to Marysville, which, from its vicinity to 
+the various branches of the Sacramento river, was the chief 
+depot for the miners of the 'wet diggin's' in Northern 
+California.  Here we were received by a Mr. Massett - a 
+curious specimen of the waifs and strays that turn up all 
+over the world in odd places, and whom one would be sure to 
+find in the moon if ever one went there.  He owned a little 
+one-roomed cabin, over the door of which was painted 'Offices 
+of the Marysville Herald.'  He was his own contributor and 
+'correspondent,' editor and printer, (the press was in a 
+corner of the room).  Amongst other avocations he was a 
+concert-giver, a comic reader, a tragic actor, and an 
+auctioneer.  He had the good temper and sanguine disposition 
+of a Mark Tapley.  After the golden days of California he 
+spent his life wandering about the globe; giving 
+'entertainments' in China, Japan, India, Australia.  Wherever 
+the English language is spoken, Stephen Massett had many 
+friends and no enemies.
+
+Fred slept on the table, I under it, and next morning we 
+hired horses and started for the 'Forks of the Yuba.'  A few 
+hours' ride brought us to the gold-hunters.  Two or three 
+hundred men were at work upon what had formerly been the bed 
+of the river.  By unwritten law, each miner was entitled to a 
+certain portion of the 'bar,' as it was called, in which the 
+gold is found.  And, as the precious metal has to be obtained 
+by washing, the allotments were measured by thirty feet on 
+the banks of the river and into the dry bed as far as this 
+extends; thus giving each man his allowance of water.  
+Generally three or four combined to possess a 'claim.'  Each 
+would then attend to his own department:  one loosened the 
+soil, another filled the barrow or cart, a third carried it 
+to the river, and the fourth would wash it in the 'rocker.'  
+The average weight of gold got by each miner while we were at 
+the 'wet diggin's,' I.E. where water had to be used, was 
+nearly half an ounce or seven dollars' worth a day.  We saw 
+three Englishmen who had bought a claim 30 feet by 100 feet, 
+for 1,400 dollars.  It had been bought and sold twice before 
+for considerable sums, each party supposing it to be nearly 
+'played out.'  In three weeks the Englishmen paid their 1,400 
+dollars and had cleared thirteen dollars a day apiece for 
+their labour.
+
+Our presence here created both curiosity and suspicion, for 
+each gang and each individual was very shy of his neighbour.  
+They did not believe our story of crossing the plains; they 
+themselves, for the most part, had come round the Horn; a few 
+across the isthmus.  Then, if we didn't want to dig, what did 
+we want?  Another peculiarity about us - a great one - was, 
+that, so far as they could see, we were unarmed.  At night 
+the majority, all except the few who had huts, slept in a 
+zinc house or sort of low-roofed barn, against the walls of 
+which were three tiers of bunks.  There was no room for us, 
+even if we had wished it, but we managed to hire a trestle.  
+Mattress or covering we had none.  As Fred and I lay side by 
+side, squeezed together in a trough scarcely big enough for 
+one, we heard two fellows by the door of the shed talking us 
+over.  They thought no doubt that we were fast asleep, they 
+themselves were slightly fuddled.  We nudged each other and 
+pricked up our ears, for we had already canvassed the 
+question of security, surrounded as we were by ruffians who 
+looked quite ready to dispose of babes in the wood.  They 
+discussed our 'portable property' which was nil; one decided, 
+while the other believed, that we must have money in our 
+pockets.  The first remarked that, whether or no, we were 
+unarmed; the other wasn't so sure about that - it wasn't 
+likely we'd come there to be skinned for the asking.  Then 
+arose the question of consequences, and it transpired that 
+neither of them had the courage of his rascality.  After a 
+bit, both agreed they had better turn in.  Tired as we were, 
+we fell asleep.  How long we had slumbered I know not, but 
+all of a sudden I was seized by the beard, and was conscious 
+of a report which in my dreams I took for a pistol-shot.  I 
+found myself on the ground amid the wrecks of the trestle.  
+Its joints had given way under the extra weight, and Fred's 
+first impulse had been to clutch at my throat.
+
+On the way back to San Francisco we stayed for a couple of 
+nights at Sacramento.  It was a miserable place, with nothing 
+but a few temporary buildings except those of the Spanish 
+settlers.  In the course of a walk round the town I noticed a 
+crowd collected under a large elm-tree in the horse-market.  
+On inquiry I was informed that a man had been lynched on one 
+of its boughs the night before last.  A piece of the rope was 
+still hanging from the tree.  When I got back to the 'hotel' 
+- a place not much better than the shed at Yuba Forks - I 
+found a newspaper with an account of the affair.  Drawing a 
+chair up to the stove, I was deep in the story, when a huge 
+rowdy-looking fellow in digger-costume interrupted me with:
+
+'Say, stranger, let's have a look at that paper, will ye?'
+
+'When I've done with it,' said I, and continued reading.  He 
+lent over the back of my chair, put one hand on my shoulder, 
+and with the other raised the paper so that he could read.
+
+'Caint see rightly.  Ah, reckon you're readen 'baout Jim, 
+ain't yer?'
+
+'Who's Jim?'
+
+'Him as they sus-spended yesterday mornin'.  Jim was a 
+purticler friend o' mine, and I help'd to hang him.'
+
+'A friendly act!  What was he hanged for?'
+
+'When did you come to Sacramenty City?'
+
+'Day before yesterday.'
+
+'Wal, I'll tell yer haow't was then.  Yer see, Jim was a 
+Britisher, he come from a place they call Botany Bay, which 
+belongs to Victoria, but ain't 'xactly in the Old Country.  I 
+judge, when he first come to Californy, 'baout six months 
+back, he warn't acquainted none with any boys hereaway, so he 
+took to diggin' by hisself.  It was up to Cigar Bar whar he 
+dug, and I chanst to be around there too, that's haow we got 
+to know one another.  Jim hadn't been here not a fortnight 
+'fore one of the boys lost 300 dollars as he'd made a cache 
+of.  Somehow suspicions fell on Jim.  More'n one of us 
+thought he'd been a diggin' for bags instead of for dust; and 
+the man as lost the money swore he'd hev a turn with him; so 
+Jim took my advice not to go foolin' around, an' sloped.'
+
+'Well,' said I, as my friend stopped to adjust his tobacco 
+plug, 'he wasn't hanged for that?'
+
+''Tain't likely!  Till last week nobody know'd whar he'd gone 
+to.  When he come to Sacramenty this time, he come with a 
+pile, an' no mistake.  All day and all night he used to play 
+at faro an' a heap o' other games.  Nobody couldn't tell how 
+he made his money hold out, nor whar he got it from; but 
+sartin sure the crowd reckoned as haow Jim was considerable 
+of a loafer.  One day a blacksmith as lives up Broad Street, 
+said he found out the way he done it, and ast me to come with 
+him and show up Jim for cheatin'.  Naow, whether it was as 
+Jim suspicioned the blacksmith I cain't say, but he didn't 
+cheat, and lost his money in consequence.  This riled him 
+bad, so wantin' to get quit of the blacksmith he began a 
+quarrel.  The blacksmith was a quick-tempered man, and after 
+some language struck Jim in the mouth.  Jim jumps up, and 
+whippin' out his revolver, shoots the t'other man dead on the 
+spot.  I was the first to lay hold on him, but ef it hadn't 
+'a' been for me they'd 'a' torn him to pieces.
+
+'"Send for Judge Parker," says some.
+
+'"Let's try him here," says others.
+
+'"I don't want to be tried at all," says Jim.  "You all know 
+bloody well as I shot the man.  And I knows bloody well as 
+I'll hev to swing for it.  Gi' me till daylight, and I'll die 
+like a man."
+
+'But we wasn't going to hang him without a proper trial; and 
+as the trial lasted two hours, it - '
+
+'Two hours!  What did you want two hours for?'
+
+'There was some as wanted to lynch him, and some as wanted 
+him tried by the reg'lar judges of the Crim'nal Court.  One 
+of the best speakers said lynch-law was no law at all, and no 
+innocent man's life was safe with it.  So there was a lot of 
+speakin', you bet.  By the time it was over it was just 
+daylight, and the majority voted as he should die at onc't.  
+So they took him to the horse-market, and stood him on a 
+table under the big elm.  I kep' by his side, and when he was 
+getting on the table he ast me to lend him my revolver to 
+shoot the foreman of the jury.  When I wouldn't, he ast me to 
+tie the knot so as it wouldn't slip.  "It ain't no account, 
+Jim," says I, "to talk like that.  You're bound to die; and 
+ef they didn't hang yer I'd shoot yer myself."
+
+'"Well then," says he, "gi' me hold of the rope, and I'll 
+show you how little I keer for death."  He snatches the cord 
+out o' my hands, pulls hisself out o' reach o' the crowd, and 
+sat cross-legged on the bough.  Half a dozen shooters was 
+raised to fetch him down, but he tied a noose in the rope, 
+put it round his neck, slipped it puty tight, and stood up on 
+the bough and made 'em a speech.  What he mostly said was as 
+he hated 'em all.  He cussed the man he shot, then he cussed 
+the world, then he cussed hisself, and with a terr'ble oath 
+he jumped off the bough, and swung back'ards and for'ards 
+with his neck broke.'
+
+'An Englishman,' I reflected aloud.
+
+He nodded.  'You're a Britisher, I reckon, ain't yer?'
+
+'Yes; why?'
+
+'Wal, you've a puty strong accent.'
+
+'Think so?'
+
+'Wal, I could jest tie a knot in it.'
+
+This is a vulgar and repulsive story.  But it is not fiction; 
+and any picture of Californian life in 1850, without some 
+such faithful touch of its local colour, would be inadequate 
+and misleading.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXII
+
+
+
+A STEAMER took us down to Acapulco.  It is probably a 
+thriving port now.  When we were there, a few native huts and 
+two or three stone buildings at the edge of the jungle 
+constituted the 'town.'  We bought some horses, and hired two 
+men - a Mexican and a Yankee - for our ride to the city of 
+Mexico.  There was at that time nothing but a mule-track, and 
+no public conveyance of any kind.  Nothing could exceed the 
+beauty of the scenery.  Within 160 miles, as the crow flies, 
+one rises up to the city of Mexico some 12,000 feet, with 
+Popocatepetl overhanging it 17,500 feet high.  In this short 
+space one passes from intense tropical heat and vegetation to 
+pines and laurels and the proximity of perpetual snows.  The 
+path in places winds along the brink of precipitous 
+declivities, from the top of which one sees the climatic 
+gradations blending one into another.  So narrow are some of 
+the mountain paths that a mule laden with ore has often one 
+panier overhanging the valley a thousand feet below it.  
+Constantly in the long trains of animals descending to the 
+coast, a slip of the foot or a charge from behind, for they 
+all come down the steep track with a jolting shuffle, sends 
+mule and its load over the ledge.  We found it very difficult 
+in places to get out of the way in time to let the trains 
+pass.  Flocks of parrots and great macaws screeching and 
+flying about added to the novelty of the scene.
+
+The villages, inhabited by a cross between the original 
+Indians and the Spaniards, are about twenty miles apart.  At 
+one of these we always stayed for the night, sleeping in 
+grass hammocks suspended between the posts of the verandah.  
+The only travellers we fell in with were a party of four 
+Americans, returning to the Eastern States from California 
+with the gold they had won there.  They had come in our 
+steamer to Acapulco, and had left it a few hours before we 
+did.  As the villages were so far apart we necessarily had to 
+stop at night in the same one.  The second time this happened 
+they, having arrived first, had quartered themselves on the 
+Alcalde or principal personage of the place.  Our guide took 
+us to the same house; and although His Worship, who had a 
+better supply of maize for the horses, and a few more 
+chickens to sell than the other natives, was anxious to 
+accommodate us, the four Americans, a very rough-looking lot 
+and armed to the teeth, wouldn't hear of it, but peremptorily 
+bade us put up elsewhere.  Our own American, who was much 
+afraid of them, obeyed their commands without more ado.  It 
+made not the slightest difference to us, for one grass 
+hammock is as soft as another, and the Alcalde's chickens 
+were as tough as ours.
+
+Before the morning start, two of the diggers, rifles in hand, 
+came over to us and plainly told us they objected to our 
+company.  Fred, with perfect good humour, assured them we had 
+no thought of robbing them, and that as the villages were so 
+far apart we had no choice in the matter.  However, as they 
+wished to travel separate from us, if there should be two 
+villages at all within suitable distances, they could stop at 
+one and we at the other.  There the matter rested.  But our 
+guide was more frightened than ever.  They were four to two, 
+he argued, for neither he nor the Mexican were armed.  And 
+there was no saying, etc., etc. . . . In short we had better 
+stay where we were till they got through.  Fred laughed at 
+the fellow's alarm, and told him he might stop if he liked, 
+but we meant to go on.
+
+As usual, when we reached the next stage, the diggers were 
+before us; and when our men began to unsaddle at a hut about 
+fifty yards from where they were feeding their horses, one of 
+them, the biggest blackguard to look at of the lot, and 
+though the fiercest probably the greatest cur, shouted at us 
+to put the saddles on again and 'get out of that.'  He had 
+warned us in the morning that they'd had enough of us, and, 
+with a volley of oaths, advised us to be off.  Fred, who was 
+in his shirt-sleeves, listened at first with a look of 
+surprise at such cantankerous unreasonableness; but when the 
+ruffian fell to swear and threaten, he burst into one of his 
+contemptuous guffaws, turned his back and began to feed his 
+horse with a corncob.  Thus insulted, the digger ran into the 
+hut (as I could see) to get his rifle.  I snatched up my own, 
+which I had been using every day to practise at the large 
+iguanas and macaws, and, well protected by my horse, called 
+out as I covered him, 'This is a double-barrelled rifle.  If 
+you raise yours I'll drop you where you stand.'  He was 
+forestalled and taken aback.  Probably he meant nothing but 
+bravado.  Still, the situation was a critical one.  Obviously 
+I could not wait till he had shot my friend.  But had it come 
+to shooting there would have been three left, unless my 
+second barrel had disposed of another.  Fortunately the 
+'boss' of the digging party gauged the gravity of the crisis 
+at a glance; and instead of backing him up as expected, swore 
+at him for a 'derned fool,' and ordered him to have no more 
+to do with us.
+
+After that, as we drew near to the city, the country being 
+more thickly populated, we no longer clashed.
+
+This is not a guide-book, and I have nothing to tell of that 
+readers would not find better described in their 'Murray.'  
+We put up in an excellent hotel kept by M. Arago, the brother 
+of the great French astronomer.  The only other travellers in 
+it besides ourselves were the famous dancer Cerito, and her 
+husband the violin virtuoso, St. Leon.  Luckily for me our 
+English Minister was Mr. Percy Doyle, whom I had known as 
+ATTACHE at Paris when I was at Larue, and who was a great 
+friend of the De Cubriers.  We were thus provided with many 
+advantages for 'sight-seeing' in and about the city, and also 
+for more distant excursions through credentials from the 
+Mexican authorities.  Under these auspices we visited the 
+silver mines at Guadalajara, Potosi, and Guanajuata.
+
+The life in Mexico city was delightful, after a year's tramp.  
+The hotel, as I have said, was to us luxurious.  My room 
+under the verandah opened on to a large and beautiful garden 
+partially enclosed on two sides.  As I lay in bed of a 
+morning reading Prescott's 'History of Mexico,' or watching 
+the brilliant humming birds as they darted from flower to 
+flower, and listened to the gentle plash of the fountain, my 
+cup of enjoyment and romance was brimming over.
+
+Just before I left, an old friend of mine arrived from 
+England.  This was Mr. Joseph Clissold.  He was a 
+schoolfellow of mine at Sheen.  He had pulled in the 
+Cambridge boat, and played in the Cambridge eleven.  He 
+afterwards became a magistrate either in Australia or New 
+Zealand.  He was the best type of the good-natured, level-
+headed, hard-hitting Englishman.  Curiously enough, as it 
+turned out, the greater part of the only conversation we had 
+(I was leaving the day after he came) was about the 
+brigandage on the road between Mexico and Vera Cruz.  He told 
+me the passengers in the diligence which had brought him up 
+had been warned at Jalapa that the road was infested by 
+robbers; and should the coach be stopped they were on no 
+account to offer resistance, for the robbers would certainly 
+shoot them if they did.
+
+Fred chose to ride down to the coast, I went by coach.  This 
+held six inside and two by the driver.  Three of the inside 
+passengers sat with backs to the horses, the others facing 
+them.  My coach was full, and stifling hot and stuffy it was 
+before we had done with it.  Of the five others two were fat 
+priests, and for twenty hours my place was between them.  But 
+in one way I had my revenge:  I carried my loaded rifle 
+between my knees, and a pistol in my belt.  The dismay, the 
+terror, the panic, the protestations, the entreaties and 
+execrations of all the five, kept us at least from ENNUI for 
+many a weary mile.  I doubt whether the two priests ever 
+thumbed their breviaries so devoutly in their lives.  Perhaps 
+that brought us salvation.  We reached Vera Cruz without 
+adventure, and in the autumn of '51 Fred and I landed safely 
+at Southampton.
+
+Two months after I got back, I read an account in the 'Times' 
+of 'Joe' Clissold's return trip from Mexico.  The coach in 
+which he was travelling was stopped by robbers.  Friend 
+Joseph was armed with a double-barrelled smooth-bore loaded 
+with slugs.  He considered this on the whole more suitable 
+than a rifle.  When the captain of the brigands opened the 
+coach door and, pistol in hand, politely proffered his 
+request, Mr. Joe was quite ready for him, and confided the 
+contents of one barrel to the captain's bosom.  Seeing the 
+fate of their commander, and not knowing what else the dilly 
+might contain, the rest of the band dug spurs into their 
+horses and fled.  But the sturdy oarsman and smart cricketer 
+was too quick for one of them - the horse followed his 
+friends, but the rider stayed with his chief.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXIII
+
+
+
+THE following winter, my friend, George Cayley, was ordered 
+to the south for his health.  He went to Seville.  I joined 
+him there; and we took lodgings and remained till the spring.  
+As Cayley published an amusing account of our travels, 'Las 
+Aforjas, or the Bridle Roads of Spain,' as this is more than 
+fifty years ago - before the days of railways and tourists - 
+and as I kept no journal of my own, I will make free use of 
+his.
+
+A few words will show the terms we were on.
+
+I had landed at Cadiz, and had gone up the Guadalquivir in a 
+steamer, whose advent at Seville my friend was on the look-
+out for.  He describes his impatience for her arrival.  By 
+some mistake he is misinformed as to the time; he is a 
+quarter of an hour late.
+
+'A remnant of passengers yet bustled around the luggage, 
+arguing, struggling and bargaining with a contentious company 
+of porters.  Alas! H. was not to be seen among them.  There 
+was still a chance; he might be one of the passengers who had 
+got ashore before my coming down, and I was preparing to rush 
+back to the city to ransack the hotels.  Just then an 
+internal convulsion shook the swarm around the luggage pile; 
+out burst a little Gallego staggering under a huge British 
+portmanteau, and followed by its much desired, and now almost 
+despaired of, proprietor.
+
+'I saw him come bowling up the slope with his familiar gait, 
+evidently unconscious of my presence, and wearing that sturdy 
+and almost hostile demeanour with which a true Briton marches 
+into a strange city through the army of officious 
+importunates who never fail to welcome the true Briton's 
+arrival.  As he passed the barrier he came close to me in the 
+crowd, still without recognising me, for though straight 
+before his nose I was dressed in the costume of the people.  
+I touched his elbow and he turned upon me with a look of 
+impatient defiance, thinking me one persecutor more.
+
+'How quickly the expression changed, etc., etc.  We rushed 
+into each other's arms, as much as the many great coats slung 
+over his shoulders, and the deep folds of cloak in which I 
+was enveloped, would mutually permit.  Then, saying more than 
+a thousand things in a breath, or rather in no breath at all, 
+we set off in great glee for my lodgings, forgetting in the 
+excitement the poor little porter who was following at full 
+trot, panting and puffing under the heavy portmanteau.  We 
+got home, but were no calmer.  We dined, but could not eat.  
+We talked, but the news could not be persuaded to come out 
+quick enough.'
+
+Who has not known what is here described?  Who does not envy 
+the freshness, the enthusiasm, of such bubbling of warm young 
+hearts?  Oh, the pity of it! if these generous emotions 
+should prove as transient as youth itself.  And then, when 
+one of those young hearts is turned to dust, and one is left 
+to think of it - why then, 'tis not much comfort to reflect 
+that - nothing in the world is commoner.
+
+We got a Spanish master and worked industriously, also picked 
+up all the Andalusian we could, which is as much like pure 
+Castilian as wold-Yorkshire is to English.  I also took 
+lessons on the guitar.  Thus prepared, I imitated my friend 
+and adopted the ordinary costume of the Andalusian peasant:  
+breeches, ornamented with rows of silvered buttons, gaiters, 
+a short jacket with a red flower-pot and blue lily on the 
+back, and elbows with green and scarlet patterns, a red FAJA 
+or sash, and the sombrero which I believe is worn nowhere 
+except in the bull-ring.  The whole of this picturesque dress 
+is now, I think, given up.  I have spent the last two winters 
+in the south of Spain, but have not once seen it.
+
+It must not be supposed that we chose this 'get-up' to 
+gratify any aesthetic taste of our own or other people's; it 
+was long before the days of the 'Too-toos,' whom Mr. Gilbert 
+brought to a timely end.  We had settled to ride through 
+Spain from Gibraltar to Bayonne, choosing always the bridle-
+roads so as to avoid anything approaching a beaten track.  We 
+were to visit the principal cities and keep more or less a 
+northerly course, staying on the way at such places as 
+Malaga, Cordova, Toledo, Madrid, Valladolid, and Burgos.  The 
+rest was to be left to chance.  We were to take no map; and 
+when in doubt as to diverging roads, the toss of a coin was 
+to settle it.  This programme was conscientiously adhered to.  
+The object of the dress then was obscurity.  For safety 
+(brigands abounded) and for economy, it was desirable to pass 
+unnoticed.  We never knew in what dirty POSADA or road-side 
+VENTA we should spend the night.  For the most part it was at 
+the resting-place of the muleteers, which would be nothing 
+but a roughly paved dark chamber, one end occupied by mules 
+and the other by their drivers.  We made our own omelets and 
+salad and chocolate; with the exception of the never failing 
+BACALLAO, or salt fish, we rarely had anything else; and 
+rolling ourselves into our cloaks, with saddles for pillows, 
+slept amongst the muleteers on the stone flags.  We had 
+bought a couple of ponies in the Seville market for 7L. and 
+8L.  Our ALFORJAS or saddlebags contained all we needed.  Our 
+portmanteaus were sent on from town to town, wherever we had 
+arranged to stop.  Rough as the life was, we saw the people 
+of Spain as no ordinary travellers could hope to see them.  
+The carriers, the shepherds, the publicans, the travelling 
+merchants, the priests, the barbers, the MOLINERAS of 
+Antequera, the Maritornes', the Sancho Panzas - all just as 
+they were seen by the immortal knight.
+
+From the MOZOS DE LA CUADRA (ostlers) and ARRIEROS, upwards 
+and downwards, nowhere have I met, in the same class, with 
+such natural politeness.  This is much changed for the worse 
+now; but before the invasion of tourists one never passed a 
+man on the road who did not salute one with a 'Vaya usted con 
+Dios.'  Nor would the most indigent vagabond touch the filthy 
+BACALLAO which he drew from his wallet till he had 
+courteously addressed the stranger with the formula 'Quiere 
+usted comer?'  ('Will your Lordship please to eat?')  The 
+contrast between the people and the nobles in this respect 
+was very marked.  We saw something of the latter in the club 
+at Seville, where one met men whose high-sounding names and 
+titles have come down to us from the greatest epochs of 
+Spanish history.  Their ignorance was surprising.  Not one of 
+them had been farther than Madrid.  Not one of them knew a 
+word of any language but his own, nor was he acquainted with 
+the rudiments even of his country's history.  Their 
+conversation was restricted to the bull-ring and the cockpit, 
+to cards and women.  Their chief aim seemed to be to stagger 
+us with the number of quarterings they bore upon their 
+escutcheons; and they appraised others by a like estimate.
+
+Cayley, tickled with the humour of their childish vanity, 
+painted an elaborate coat of arms, which he stuck in the 
+crown of his hat, and by means of which he explained to them 
+that he too was by rights a Spanish nobleman.  With the 
+utmost gravity he delivered some such medley as this:  His 
+Iberian origin dated back to the time of Hannibal, who, after 
+his defeat of the Papal forces and capture of Rome, had, as 
+they well knew, married Princess Peri Banou, youngest 
+daughter of Ferdinand and Isabella.  The issue of the 
+marriage was the famous Cardinal Chicot, from whom he - 
+George Cayley - was of direct male descent.  When Chicot was 
+slain by Oliver Cromwell at the battle of Hastings, his 
+descendants, foiled in their attempt to capture England with 
+the Spanish Armada, settled in the principality of Yorkshire, 
+adopted the noble name of Cayley, and still governed that 
+province as members of the British Parliament.
+
+From that day we were treated with every mark of distinction.
+
+Here is another of my friend's pranks.  I will let Cayley 
+speak; for though I kept no journal, we had agreed to write a 
+joint account of our trip, and our notebooks were common 
+property.
+
+After leaving Malaga we met some beggars on the road, to one 
+of whom, 'an old hag with one eye and a grizzly beard,' I 
+threw the immense sum of a couple of 2-cuarto pieces.  An old 
+man riding behind us on an ass with empty panniers, seeing 
+fortunes being scattered about the road with such reckless 
+and unbounded profusion, came up alongside, and entered into 
+a piteous detail of his poverty.  When he wound up with plain 
+begging, the originality and boldness of the idea of a 
+mounted beggar struck us in so humorous a light that we could 
+not help laughing.  As we rode along talking his case over, 
+Cayley said, 'Suppose we rob him.  He has sold his market 
+produce in Malaga, and depend upon it, has a pocketful of 
+money.'  We waited for him to come up.  When he got fairly 
+between us, Cayley pulled out his revolver (we both carried 
+pistols) and thus addressed him:
+
+'Impudent old scoundrel! stand still.  If thou stirr'st hand 
+or foot, or openest thy mouth, I will slay thee like a dog.  
+Thou greedy miscreant, who art evidently a man of property 
+and hast an ass to ride upon, art not satisfied without 
+trying to rob the truly poor of the alms we give them.  
+Therefore hand over at once the two dollars for which thou 
+hast sold thy cabbages for double what they were worth.'
+
+The old culprit fell on his knees, and trembling violently, 
+prayed Cayley for the love of the Virgin to spare him.
+
+'One moment, CABALLEROS,' he cried, 'I will give you all I 
+possess.  But I am poor, very poor, and I have a sick wife at 
+the disposition of your worships.'
+
+'Wherefore art thou fumbling at thy foot?  Thou carriest not 
+thy wife in thy shoe?'
+
+'I cannot untie the string - my hand trembles; will your 
+worships permit me to take out my knife?'
+
+He did so, and cutting the carefully knotted thong of a 
+leather bag which had been concealed in the leg of his 
+stocking, poured out a handful of small coin and began to 
+weep piteously.
+
+Said Cayley, 'Come, come, none of that, or we shall feel it 
+our duty to shoot thy donkey that thou may'st have something 
+to whimper for.'
+
+The genuine tears of the poor old fellow at last touched the 
+heart of the jester.
+
+'We know now that thou art poor,' said he, 'for we have taken 
+all thou hadst.  And as it is the religion of the Ingleses, 
+founded on the practice of their celebrated saint, Robino 
+Hoodo, to levy funds from the rich for the benefit of the 
+needy, hold out thy sombero, and we will bestow a trifle upon 
+thee.'
+
+So saying he poured back the plunder; to which was added, to 
+the astonishment of the receiver, some supplementary pieces 
+that nearly equalled the original sum.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXIV
+
+
+
+BEFORE setting out from Seville we had had our Foreign Office 
+passports duly VISED.  Our profession was given as that of 
+travelling artists, and the VISE included the permission to 
+carry arms.  More than once the sight of our pistols caused 
+us to be stopped by the CARABINEROS.  On one occasion these 
+road-guards disputed the wording of the VISE.  They protested 
+that 'armas' meant 'escopetas,' not pistols, which were 
+forbidden.  Cayley indignantly retorted, 'Nothing is 
+forbidden to Englishmen.  Besides, it is specified in our 
+passports that we are 'personas de toda confianza,' which 
+checkmated them.
+
+We both sketched, and passed ourselves off as 'retratistas' 
+(portrait painters), and did a small business in this way - 
+rather in the shape of caricatures, I fear, but which gave 
+much satisfaction.  We charged one peseta (seven-pence), or 
+two, a head, according to the means of the sitter.  The 
+fiction that we were earning our bread wholesomely tended to 
+moderate the charge for it.
+
+Passing through the land of Don Quixote's exploits, we 
+reverentially visited any known spot which these had rendered 
+famous.  Amongst such was the VENTA of Quesada, from which, 
+or from Quixada, as some conjecture, the knight derived his 
+surname.  It was here, attracted by its castellated style, 
+and by two 'ladies of pleasure' at its door - whose virginity 
+he at once offered to defend, that he spent the night of his 
+first sally.  It was here that, in his shirt, he kept guard 
+till morning over the armour he had laid by the well.  It was 
+here that, with his spear, he broke the head of the carrier 
+whom he took for another knight bent on the rape of the 
+virgin princesses committed to his charge.  Here, too, it was 
+that the host of the VENTA dubbed him with the coveted 
+knighthood which qualified him for his noble deeds.
+
+To Quesada we wended our way.  We asked the Senor Huesped 
+whether he knew anything of the history of his VENTA.  Was it 
+not very ancient?
+
+'Oh no, it was quite modern.  But on the site of it had stood 
+a fine VENTA which was burnt down at the time of the war.'
+
+'An old building?'
+
+'Yes, indeed! A COSA DE SIEMPRE - thing of always.  Nothing, 
+was left of it now but that well, and the stone trough.'
+
+These bore marks of antiquity, and were doubtless as the 
+gallant knight had left them.  Curiously, too, there were 
+remains of an outhouse with a crenellated parapet, suggestive 
+enough of a castle.
+
+From Quesada we rode to Argamasilla del Alba, where Cervantes 
+was imprisoned, and where the First Part of Don Quixote was 
+written.
+
+In his Life of Cervantes, Don Gregorio Mayano throws some 
+doubt upon this.  Speaking of the attacks of his 
+contemporary, the 'Aragonian,' Don Gregorio writes (I give 
+Ozell's translation):  'As for this scandalous fellow's 
+saying that Cervantes wrote his First Part of "Don Quixote" 
+in a prison, and that that might make it so dull and 
+incorrect, Cervantes did not think fit to give any answer 
+concerning his being imprisoned, perhaps to avoid giving 
+offence to the ministers of justice; for certainly his 
+imprisonment must not have been ignominious, since Cervantes 
+himself voluntarily mentions it in his Preface to the First 
+Part of "Don Quixote."'
+
+This reasoning, however, does not seem conclusive; for the 
+only reference to the subject in the preface is as follows:  
+'What could my sterile and uncultivated genius produce but 
+the history of a child, meagre, adust, and whimsical, full of 
+various wild imaginations never thought of before; like one 
+you may suppose born in a prison, where every inconvenience 
+keeps its residence, and every dismal sound its habitation?'
+
+We took up our quarters in the little town at the 'Posada de 
+la Mina.'  While our OLLA was being prepared; we asked the 
+hostess whether she had ever heard of the celebrated Don 
+Miguel de Cervantes, who had been imprisoned there?  (I will 
+quote Cayley).
+
+'No, Senores; I think I have heard of one Cervantes, but he 
+does not live here at present.'
+
+'Do you know anything of Don Quixote?'
+
+'Oh, yes.  He was a great CABALLERO, who lived here some 
+years ago.  His house is over the way, on the other side of 
+the PLAZA, with the arms over the door.  The father of the 
+Alcalde is the oldest man in the PUEBLO; perhaps he may 
+remember him.'
+
+We were amused at his hero's fame outliving that of the 
+author.  But is it not so with others - the writers of the 
+Book of Job, of the Pentateuch, and perhaps, too, of the 
+'Iliad,' if not of the 'Odyssey'?
+
+But, to let Cayley speak:
+
+'While we were undressing to go to bed, three gentlemen were 
+announced and shown in.  We begged them to be seated. . . . 
+We sat opposite on the ends of our respective beds to hear 
+what they might have to communicate.  A venerable old man 
+opened the conference.
+
+'"We have understood, gentlemen, that you have come hither 
+seeking for information respecting the famous Don Quixote, 
+and we have come to give you such information as we may; but, 
+perhaps you will understand me better if I speak in Latin."
+
+'"We have learnt the Latin at our schools, but are more 
+accustomed to converse in Castilian; pray proceed."
+
+'"I am the Medico of the place, an old man, as you see; and 
+what little I know has reached me by tradition.  It is 
+reported that Cervantes was paying his addresses to a young 
+lady, whose name was Quijana or Quijada.  The Alcalde, 
+disapproving of the suit, put him into a dungeon under his 
+house, and kept him there a year.  Once he escaped and fled, 
+but he was taken in Toboso, and brought back.  Cervantes 
+wrote 'Don Quixote' as a satire on the Alcalde, who was a 
+very proud man, full of chivalresque ideas.  You can see the 
+dungeon to-morrow; but you should see the BATANES (water-
+mills) of the Guadiana, whose 'golpear' so terrified Sancho 
+Panza.  They are at about three leagues distance."'
+
+The old gentleman added that he was proud to receive 
+strangers who came to do honour to the memory of his 
+illustrious townsman; and hoped we would visit him next day, 
+on our return from the fulling-mills, when he would have the 
+pleasure of conducting us to the house of the Quijanas, in 
+the cellars of which Cervantes was confined.
+
+To the BATANES we went next morning.  Their historical 
+importance entitles them to an accurate description.  None 
+could be more lucid than that of my companion.  'These 
+clumsy, ancient machines are composed of a couple of huge 
+wooden mallets, slung in a timber framework, which, being 
+pushed out of the perpendicular by knobs on a water-wheel, 
+clash back again alternately in two troughs, pounding 
+severely whatever may be put in between the face of the 
+mallet and the end of the trough into which the water runs.'
+
+It will be remembered that, after a copious meal, Sancho 
+having neglected to replenish the gourd, both he and his 
+master suffered greatly from thirst.  It was now 'so dark,' 
+says the history, 'that they could see nothing; but they had 
+not gone two hundred paces when a great noise of water 
+reached their ears. . . . The sound rejoiced them 
+exceedingly; and, stopping to listen from whence it came, 
+they heard on a sudden another dreadful noise, which abated 
+their pleasure occasioned by that of the water, especially 
+Sancho's. . . . They heard a dreadful din of irons and chains 
+rattling across one another, and giving mighty strokes in 
+time and measure which, together with the furious noise of 
+the water, would have struck terror into any other heart than 
+that of Don Quixote.'  For him it was but an opportunity for 
+some valorous achievement.  So, having braced on his buckler 
+and mounted Rosinante, he brandished his spear, and explained 
+to his trembling squire that by the will of Heaven he was 
+reserved for deeds which would obliterate the memory of the 
+Platirs, Tablantes, the Olivantes, and Belianesas, with the 
+whole tribe of the famous knights-errant of times past.
+
+'Wherefore, straighten Rosinante's girths a little,' said he, 
+'and God be with you.  Stay for me here three days, and no 
+more; if I do not return in that time you may go to Toboso, 
+where you shall say to my incomparable Lady Dulcinea that her 
+enthralled knight died in attempting things that might have 
+made him worthy to be styled "hers."'
+
+Sancho, more terrified than ever at the thoughts of being 
+left alone, reminded his master that it was unwise to tempt 
+God by undertaking exploits from which there was no escaping 
+but by a miracle; and, in order to emphasize this very 
+sensible remark, secretly tied Rosinante's hind legs together 
+with his halter.  Seeing the success of his contrivance, he 
+said:  'Ah, sir! behold how Heaven, moved by my tears and 
+prayers, has ordained that Rosinante cannot go,' and then 
+warned him not to set Providence at defiance.  Still Sancho 
+was much too frightened by the infernal clatter to relax his 
+hold of the knight's saddle.  For some time he strove to 
+beguile his own fears with a very long story about the 
+goatherd Lope Ruiz, who was in love with the shepherdess 
+Torralva - 'a jolly, strapping wench, a little scornful, and 
+somewhat masculine.'  Now, whether owing to the cold of the 
+morning, which was at hand, or whether to some lenitive diet 
+on which he had supped, it so befell that Sancho . . . what 
+nobody could do for him.  The truth is, the honest fellow was 
+overcome by panic, and under no circumstances would, or did, 
+he for one instant leave his master's side.  Nay, when the 
+knight spurred his steed and found it could not move, Sancho 
+reminded him that the attempt was useless, since Rosinante 
+was restrained by enchantment.  This the knight readily 
+admitted, but stoutly protested that he himself was anything 
+but enchanted by the close proximity of his squire.
+
+We all remember the grave admonitions of Don Quixote, and the 
+ingenious endeavours of Sancho to lay the blame upon the 
+knight.  But the final words of the Don contain a moral 
+apposite to so many other important situations, that they 
+must not be omitted here.  'Apostare, replico Sancho, que 
+pensa vuestra merced que yo he hecho de mi persona alguna 
+cosa que no deba.'  'I will lay a wager,' replied Sancho, 
+'that your worship thinks that I have &c.'  The brief, but 
+memorable, answer was:  'Peor es meneallo, amigo Sancho,' 
+which, as no translation could do justice to it, must be left 
+as it stands.  QUIETA NON MOVERE.
+
+We were nearly meeting with an adventure here.  While I was 
+busy making a careful drawing of the BATANES, Cayley's pony 
+was as much alarmed by the rushing waters as had been Sancho 
+Panza.  In his endeavours to picket the animal, my friend 
+dropped a pistol which I had lent him to practise with, 
+although he carried a revolver of his own.  Not till he had 
+tied up the pony at some little distance did he discover the 
+loss.  In vain he searched the spot where he knew the pistol 
+must have escaped from his FAJA.  Near it, three rough-
+looking knaves in shaggy goatskin garments, with guns over 
+their shoulders, were watching the progress of my sketch.  On 
+his return Cayley asked two of these (the third moved away as 
+he came up) whether they had seen the pistol.  They declared 
+they had not; upon which he said he must search them.  He was 
+not a man to be trifled with, and although they refused at 
+first, they presently submitted.  He then overtook the third, 
+and at once accused him of the theft.  The man swore he knew 
+nothing of the lost weapon, and brought his gun to the 
+charge.  As he did so, Cayley caught sight of the pistol 
+under the fellow's sheepskin jacket, and with characteristic 
+promptitude seized it, while he presented a revolver at the 
+thief's head.  All this he told me with great glee a minute 
+or two later.
+
+When we got back to Argamasilla the Medico was already 
+awaiting us.  He conducted us to the house of the Quijanas, 
+where an old woman-servant, lamp in hand, showed the way down 
+a flight of steps into the dungeon.  It was a low vaulted 
+chamber, eight feet high, ten broad, and twenty-four long, 
+dimly lighted by a lancet window six feet from the ground.  
+She confidently informed us that Cervantes was in the habit 
+of writing at the farthest end, and that he was allowed a 
+lamp for the purpose.  We accepted the information with 
+implicit faith; silently picturing on our mental retinas the 
+image of him whose genius had brightened the dark hours of 
+millions for over three hundred years.  One could see the 
+spare form of the man of action pacing up and down his cell, 
+unconscious of prison walls, roaming in spirit through the 
+boundless realms of Fancy, his piercing eyes intent upon the 
+conjured visions of his brain.  One noted his vast expanse of 
+brow, his short, crisp, curly hair, his high cheek-bones and 
+singularly high-bridged nose, his refined mouth, small 
+projecting chin and pointed beard.  One noticed, too, as he 
+turned, the stump of the left wrist clasped by the remaining 
+hand.  Who could stand in such a presence and fail to bow 
+with veneration before this insulted greatness!  Potentates 
+pass like Ozymandias, but not the men who, through the ages, 
+help to save us from this tread-mill world, and from 
+ourselves.
+
+We visited Cuenca, Segovia, and many an out-of-the-way spot.  
+If it be true, as Don Quixote declares, that 'No hay libro 
+tan malo que no tenga alguna cosa buena' ('there is no book 
+so worthless that has not some good in it'), still more true 
+is this of a country like Spain.  And the pleasantest places 
+are just those which only by-roads lead to.  In and near the 
+towns every other man, if not by profession still by 
+practice, is a beggar.  From the seedy-looking rascal in the 
+street, of whom you incautiously ask the way, and who 
+piteously whines 'para zapatos' - for the wear and tear of 
+shoe leather, to the highest official, one and all hold out 
+their hands for the copper CUARTO or the eleemosynary 
+sinecure.  As it was then, so is it now; the Government wants 
+support, and it is always to be had, at a price; deputies 
+always want 'places.'  For every duty the functionary 
+performs, or ought to perform, he receives his bribe.  The 
+Government is too poor to keep him honest, but his POUR-
+BOIRES are not measured by his scruples.  All is winked at, 
+if the Ministry secures a vote.
+
+Away in the pretty rural districts, in the little villages 
+amid the woods and the mountains, with their score or so of 
+houses and their little chapel with its tinkling old bell and 
+its poverty-stricken curate, the hard-working, simple-minded 
+men are too proud and too honest to ask for more than a pinch 
+of tobacco for the CIGARILLO.  The maidens are comely, and as 
+chaste as - can reasonably be expected.
+
+Madrid is worth visiting - not for its bull-fights, which are 
+disgusting proofs of man's natural brutality, but for its 
+picture gallery.  No one knows what Velasquez could do, or 
+has done, till he has seen Madrid; and Charles V. was 
+practically master of Europe when the collection was in his 
+hands.  The Escurial's chief interests are in its 
+associations with Charles V. and Philip II.  In the dark and 
+gloomy little bedroom of the latter is a small window opening 
+into the church, so that the King could attend the services 
+in bed if necessary.
+
+It cannot be said of Philip that he was nothing if not 
+religious, for Nero even was not a more indefatigable 
+murderer, nor a more diabolical specimen of cruelty and 
+superstition.  The very thought of the wretch tempts one to 
+revolt at human piety, at any rate where priestcraft and its 
+fabrications are at the bottom of it.
+
+When at Madrid we met Mr. Arthur Birch.  He had been with 
+Cayley at Eton, as captain of the school.  While we were 
+together, he received and accepted the offer of an Eton 
+mastership.  We were going by diligence to Toledo, and Birch 
+agreed to go with us.  I mention the fact because the place 
+reminds me of a clever play upon its name by the Eton 
+scholar.  Cayley bought a Toledo sword-blade, and asked Birch 
+for a motto to engrave upon it.  In a minute or two he hit 
+off this:  TIMETOLETUM, which reads Time Toletum=Honour 
+Toledo, or Timeto Letum=Fear death.  Cayley's attempts, 
+though not so neat, were not bad.  Here are a couple of 
+them:-
+
+
+Though slight I am, no slight I stand,
+Saying my master's sleight of hand.
+
+
+or:-
+
+
+Come to the point; unless you do,
+The point will shortly come to you.
+
+
+Birch got the Latin poem medal at Cambridge the same year 
+that Cayley got the English one.
+
+Before we set forth again upon our gipsy tramp, I received a 
+letter from Mr. Ellice bidding me hasten home to contest the 
+Borough of Cricklade in the General Election of 1852.  Under 
+these circumstances we loitered but little on the Northern 
+roads.  At the end of May we reached Yrun.  Here we sold our 
+ponies - now quite worn out - for twenty-three dollars - 
+about five guineas.  So that a thousand miles of locomotion 
+had cost us a little over five guineas apiece.  Not counting 
+hotels at Madrid and such smart places, our daily cost for 
+selves and ponies rarely exceeded six pesetas, or three 
+shillings each all told.  The best of it was, the trip 
+restored the health of my friend.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXV
+
+
+
+IN February of this year, 1852, Lord Palmerston, aided by an 
+incongruous force of Peelites and Protectionists, turned Lord 
+John Russell out of office on his Militia Bill.  Lord Derby, 
+with Disraeli as Chancellor of the Exchequer and leader of 
+the House of Commons, came into power on a cry for 
+Protection.
+
+Not long after my return to England, I was packed off to 
+canvas the borough of Cricklade.  It was then a very 
+extensive borough, including a large agricultural district, 
+as well as Swindon, the headquarters of the Great Western 
+Railway.  For many years it had returned two Conservative 
+members, Messrs. Nield and Goddard.  It was looked upon as an 
+impregnable Tory stronghold, and the fight was little better 
+than a forlorn hope.
+
+My headquarters were at Coleshill, Lord Radnor's.  The old 
+lord had, in his Parliamentary days, been a Radical; hence, 
+my advanced opinions found great favour in his eyes.  My 
+programme was - Free Trade, Vote by Ballot, and 
+Disestablishment.  Two of these have become common-places 
+(one perhaps effete), and the third is nearer to 
+accomplishment than it was then.
+
+My first acquaintance with a constituency, amongst whom I 
+worked enthusiastically for six weeks, was comic enough.  My 
+instructions were to go to Swindon; there an agent, whom I 
+had never seen, would join me.  A meeting of my supporters 
+had been arranged by him, and I was to make my maiden speech 
+in the market-place.
+
+My address, it should be stated - ultra-Radical, of course - 
+was mainly concocted for me by Mr. Cayley, an almost rabid 
+Tory, and then member for the North Riding of Yorkshire, but 
+an old Parliamentary hand; and, in consequence of my 
+attachment to his son, at that time and until his death, like 
+a father to me.
+
+When the train stopped at Swindon, there was a crowd of 
+passengers, but not a face that I knew; and it was not till 
+all but one or two had left, that a business-looking man came 
+up and asked if I were the candidate for Cricklade.  He told 
+me that a carriage was in attendance to take us up to the 
+town; and that a procession, headed by a band, was ready to 
+accompany us thither.  The procession was formed mainly of 
+the Great Western boiler-makers and artisans.  Their 
+enthusiasm seemed slightly disproportioned to the occasion; 
+and the vigour of the brass, and especially of the big drum, 
+so filled my head with visions of Mr. Pickwick and his friend 
+the Honourable Samuel Slumkey, that by the time I reached the 
+market-place, I had forgotten every syllable of the speech 
+which I had carefully learnt by heart.  Nor was it the band 
+alone that upset me; going up the hill the carriage was all 
+but capsized by the frightened horses and the breaking of the 
+pole.  The gallant boiler-makers, however, at once removed 
+the horses, and dragged the carriage with cheers of defiance 
+into the crowd awaiting us.
+
+My agent had settled that I was to speak from a window of the 
+hotel.  The only available one was an upper window, the lower 
+sash of which could not be persuaded to keep up without being 
+held.  The consequence was, just as I was getting over the 
+embarrassment of extemporary oration, down came the sash and 
+guillotined me.  This put the crowd in the best of humours; 
+they roared with laughter, and after that we got on capitally 
+together.
+
+A still more inopportune accident happened to me later in the 
+day, when speaking at Shrivenham.  A large yard enclosed by 
+buildings was chosen for the meeting.  The difficulty was to 
+elevate the speaker above the heads of the assembly.  In one 
+corner of the yard was a water-butt.  An ingenious elector 
+got a board, placed it on the top of the butt - which was 
+full of water - and persuaded me to make this my rostrum.  
+Here, again, in the midst of my harangue - perhaps I stamped 
+to emphasize my horror of small loaves and other Tory 
+abominations - the board gave way; and I narrowly escaped a 
+ducking by leaping into the arms of a 'supporter.'
+
+The end of it all was that my agent at the last moment threw 
+up the sponge.  The farmers formed a serried phalanx against 
+Free Trade; it was useless to incur the expense of a poll.  
+Then came the bill.  It was a heavy one; for in addition to 
+my London agent - a professional electioneering functionary - 
+were the local agents at towns like Malmesbury, Wootton 
+Bassett, Shrivenham, &c., &c.  My eldest brother, who was a 
+soberer-minded politician than I, although very liberal to me 
+in other ways, declined to support my political opinions.  I 
+myself was quite unable to pay the costs.  Knowing this, Lord 
+Radnor called me into his study as I was leaving Coleshill, 
+and expressed himself warmly with respect to my labours; 
+regretting the victory of the other side, he declared that, 
+as the question of Protection would be disposed of, one of 
+the two seats would be safe upon a future contest.
+
+'And who,' asked the old gentleman, with a benevolent grin on 
+his face, 'who is going to pay your expenses?'
+
+'Goodness knows, sir,' said I; 'I hope they won't come down 
+upon me.  I haven't a thousand pounds in the world, unless I 
+tap my fortune.'
+
+'Well,' said his Lordship, with a chuckle, 'I haven't paid my 
+subscription to Brooks's yet, so I'll hand it over to you,' 
+and he gave me a cheque for 500 pounds.
+
+The balance was obtained through Mr. Ellice from the 
+patronage Secretary to the Treasury.  At the next election, 
+as Lord Radnor predicted, Lord Ashley, Lord Shaftesbury's 
+eldest son, won one of the two seats for the Liberals with 
+the greatest ease.
+
+As Coleshill was an open house to me from that time as long 
+as Lord Radnor lived, I cannot take leave of the dear old man 
+without an affectionate word at parting.  Creevey has an ill-
+natured fling at him, as he has at everybody else, but a 
+kinder-hearted and more perfect gentleman would be difficult 
+to meet with.  His personality was a marked one.  He was a 
+little man, with very plain features, a punch-like nose, an 
+extensive mouth, and hardly a hair on his head.  But in spite 
+of these peculiarities, his face was pleasant to look at, for 
+it was invariably animated by a sweet smile, a touch of 
+humour, and a decided air of dignity.  Born in 1779, he 
+dressed after the orthodox Whig fashion of his youth, in buff 
+and blue, his long-tailed coat reaching almost to his heels.  
+His manner was a model of courtesy and simplicity.  He used 
+antiquated expressions:  called London 'Lunnun,' Rome 'Room,' 
+a balcony a 'balcony'; he always spoke of the clergyman as 
+the 'pearson,' and called his daughter Lady Mary, 'Meary.'  
+Instead of saying 'this day week' he would say this day 
+sen'nit' (for sen'night).
+
+The independence of his character was very noticeable.  As an 
+instance:  A party of twenty people, say, would be invited 
+for a given day.  Abundance of carriages would be sent to 
+meet the trains, so that all the guests would arrive in ample 
+time for dinner.  It generally happened that some of them, 
+not knowing the habits of the house, or some duchess or great 
+lady who might assume that clocks were made for her and not 
+she for clocks, would not appear in the drawing-room till a 
+quarter of an hour after the dinner gong had sounded.  If 
+anyone did so, he or she would find that everybody else had 
+got through soup and fish.  If no one but Lady Mary had been 
+down when dinner was announced, his Lordship would have 
+offered his arm to his daughter, and have taken his seat at 
+the table alone.  After the first night, no one was ever 
+late.  In the morning he read prayers to the household before 
+breakfast with the same precise punctuality.
+
+Lady Mary Bouverie, his unmarried daughter, was the very best 
+of hostesses.  The house under her management was the 
+perfection of comfort.  She married an old and dear friend of 
+mine, Sir James Wilde, afterwards the Judge, Lord Penzance.  
+I was his 'best man.'
+
+My 'Ride over the Rocky Mountains' was now published; and, as 
+the field was a new one, the writer was rewarded, for a few 
+weeks, with invitations to dinner, and the usual tickets for 
+'drums' and dances.  To my astonishment, or rather to my 
+alarm, I received a letter from the Secretary of the Royal 
+Geographical Society (Charles Fox, or perhaps Sir George 
+Simpson had, I think, proposed me - I never knew), to say 
+that I had been elected a member.  Nothing was further from 
+my ambition.  The very thought shrivelled me with a sense of 
+ignorance and insignificance.  I pictured to myself an 
+assembly of old fogies crammed with all the 'ologies.  I 
+broke into a cold perspiration when I fancied myself called 
+upon to deliver a lecture on the comparative sea-bottomy of 
+the Oceanic globe, or give my theory of the simultaneous 
+sighting by 'little Billee' of ' Madagascar, and North, and 
+South Amerikee.'  Honestly, I had not the courage to accept; 
+and, young Jackanapes as I was, left the Secretary's letter 
+unanswered.
+
+But a still greater honour - perhaps the greatest compliment 
+I ever had paid me - was to come.  I had lodgings at this 
+time in an old house, long since pulled down, in York Street.  
+One day, when I was practising the fiddle, who should walk 
+into my den but Rogers the poet!  He had never seen me in his 
+life.  He was in his ninetieth year, and he had climbed the 
+stairs to the first floor to ask me to one of his breakfast 
+parties.  To say nothing of Rogers' fame, his wealth, his 
+position in society, those who know what his cynicism and his 
+worldliness were, will understand what such an effort, 
+physical and moral, must have cost him.  He always looked 
+like a death's head, but his ghastly pallor, after that 
+Alpine ascent, made me feel as if he had come - to stay.
+
+These breakfasts were entertainments of no ordinary 
+distinction.  The host himself was of greater interest than 
+the most eminent of his guests.  All but he, were more or 
+less one's contemporaries:  Rogers, if not quite as dead as 
+he looked, was ancient history.  He was old enough to have 
+been the father of Byron, of Shelley, of Keats, and of Moore.  
+He was several years older than Scott, or Wordsworth, or 
+Coleridge, and only four years younger than Pitt.  He had 
+known all these men, and could, and did, talk as no other 
+could talk, of all of them.  Amongst those whom I met at 
+these breakfasts were Cornewall Lewis, Delane, the Grotes, 
+Macaulay, Mrs. Norton, Monckton Milnes, William Harcourt (the 
+only one younger than myself), but just beginning to be 
+known, and others of scarcely less note.
+
+During the breakfast itself, Rogers, though seated at table 
+in an armchair, took no part either in the repast or in the 
+conversation; he seemed to sleep until the meal was over.  
+His servant would then place a cup of coffee before him, and, 
+like a Laputian flapper, touch him gently on the shoulder.  
+He would at once begin to talk, while others listened.  The 
+first time I witnessed this curious resurrection, I whispered 
+something to my neighbour, at which he laughed.  The old 
+man's eye was too sharp for us.
+
+'You are laughing at me,' said he; 'I dare say you young 
+gentlemen think me an old fellow; but there are younger than 
+I who are older.  You should see Tommy Moore.  I asked him to 
+breakfast, but he's too weak - weak here, sir,' and he tapped 
+his forehead.  'I'm not that.'  (This was the year that Moore 
+died.)  He certainly was not; but his whole discourse was of 
+the past.  It was as though he would not condescend to 
+discuss events or men of the day.  What were either to the 
+days and men that he had known - French revolutions, battles 
+of Trafalgar and Waterloo, a Nelson and a Buonaparte, a Pitt, 
+a Burke, a Fox, a Johnson, a Gibbon, a Sheridan, and all the 
+men of letters and all the poets of a century gone by?  Even 
+Macaulay had for once to hold his tongue; and could only 
+smile impatiently at what perhaps he thought an old man's 
+astonishing garrulity.  But if a young and pretty woman 
+talked to him, it was not his great age that he vaunted, nor 
+yet the 'pleasures of memory' - one envied the adroitness of 
+his flattery, and the gracefulness of his repartee.
+
+My friend George Cayley had a couple of dingy little rooms 
+between Parliament Street and the river.  Much of my time was 
+spent there with him.  One night after dinner, quite late, we 
+were building castles amidst tobacco clouds, when, following 
+a 'May I come in?' Tennyson made his appearance.  This was 
+the first time I had ever met him.  We gave him the only 
+armchair in the room; and pulling out his dudeen and placing 
+afoot on each side of the hob of the old-fashioned little 
+grate, he made himself comfortable before he said another 
+word.  He then began to talk of pipes and tobacco.  And 
+never, I should say, did this important topic afford so much 
+ingenious conversation before.  We discussed the relative 
+merits of all the tobaccos in the world - of moist tobacco 
+and dry tobacco, of old tobacco and new tobacco, of clay 
+pipes and wooden pipes and meerschaum pipes.  What was the 
+best way to colour them, the advantages of colouring them, 
+the beauty of the 'culotte,' the coolness it gave to the 
+smoke, &c.  We listened to the venerable sage - he was then 
+forty-three and we only five or six and twenty - as we should 
+have listened to a Homer or an Aristotle, and he thoroughly 
+enjoyed our appreciation of his jokes.
+
+Some of them would have startled such of his admirers who 
+knew him only by his poems; for his stories were anything but 
+poetical - rather humorous one might say, on the whole.  
+Here's one of them:  he had called last week on the Duchess 
+of Sutherland at Stafford House.  Her two daughters were with 
+her, the Duchess of Argyll and the beautiful Lady Constance 
+Grosvenor, afterwards Duchess of Westminster.  They happened 
+to be in the garden.  After strolling about for a while, the 
+Mama Duchess begged him to recite some of his poetry.  He 
+chose 'Come into the garden, Maud' - always a favourite of 
+the poet's, and, as may be supposed, many were the fervid 
+exclamations of 'How beautiful!'  When they came into the 
+house, a princely groom of the chambers caught his eye and 
+his ear, and, pointing to his own throat, courteously 
+whispered:  'Your dress is not quite as you would wish it, 
+sir.'
+
+'I had come out without a necktie; and there I was, spouting 
+my lines to the three Graces, as DECOLLETE as a strutting 
+turkey cock.'
+
+The only other allusion to poetry or literature that night 
+was a story I told him of a Mr. Thomas Wrightson, a Yorkshire 
+banker, and a fanatical Swedenborgian.  Tommy Wrightson, who 
+was one of the most amiable and benevolent of men, spent his 
+life in making a manuscript transcript of Swedenborg's works.  
+His writing was a marvel of calligraphic art; he himself, a 
+curiosity.  Swedenborg was for him an avatar; but if he had 
+doubted of Tennyson's ultimate apotheosis, I think he would 
+have elected to seek him in 'the other place.'  Anyhow, Mr. 
+Wrightson avowed to me that he repeated 'Locksley Hall' every 
+morning of his life before breakfast.  This I told Tennyson.  
+His answer was a grunt; and in a voice from his boots, 'Ugh! 
+enough to make a dog sick!'  I did my utmost to console him 
+with the assurance that, to the best of my belief, Mr. 
+Wrightson had once fallen through a skylight.
+
+As illustrating the characters of the admired and his 
+admirer, it may be related that the latter, wishing for the 
+poet's sign-manual, wrote and asked him for it.  He addressed 
+Tennyson, whom he had never seen, as 'My dear Alfred.'  The 
+reply, which he showed to me, was addressed 'My dear Tom.'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXVI
+
+
+
+MY stepfather, Mr. Ellice, having been in two Ministries - 
+Lord Grey's in 1830, and Lord Melbourne's in 1834 - had 
+necessarily a large parliamentary acquaintance; and as I 
+could always dine at his house in Arlington Street when I 
+pleased, I had constant opportunities of meeting most of the 
+prominent Whig politicians, and many other eminent men of the 
+day.  One of the dinner parties remains fresh in my memory - 
+not because of the distinguished men who happened to be 
+there, but because of the statesman whose name has since 
+become so familiar to the world.
+
+Some important question was before the House in which Mr. 
+Ellice was interested, and upon which he intended to speak.  
+This made him late for dinner, but he had sent word that his 
+son was to take his place, and the guests were not to wait.  
+When he came Lord John Russell greeted him with -
+
+'Well, Ellice, who's up?'
+
+'A younger son of Salisbury's,' was the reply; 'Robert Cecil, 
+making his maiden speech.  If I hadn't been in a hurry I 
+should have stopped to listen to him.  Unless I am very much 
+mistaken, he'll make his mark, and we shall hear more of 
+him.'
+
+There were others dining there that night whom it is 
+interesting to recall.  The Grotes were there.  Mrs. Grote, 
+scarcely less remarkable than her husband; Lord Mahon, 
+another historian (who married a niece of Mr. Ellice's), Lord 
+Brougham, and two curious old men both remarkable, if for 
+nothing else, for their great age.  One was George Byng, 
+father of the first Lord Strafford, and 'father' of the House 
+of Commons; the other Sir Robert Adair, who was Ambassador at 
+Constantinople when Byron was there.  Old Mr. Byng looked as 
+aged as he was, and reminded one of Mr. Smallweed doubled up 
+in his porter's chair.  Quite different was his compeer.  We 
+were standing in the recess of the drawing-room window after 
+dinner when Sir Robert said to me:
+
+'Very shaky, isn't he!  Ah! he was my fag at Eton, and I've 
+got the best of it still.'
+
+Brougham having been twice in the same Government with Mr. 
+Ellice, and being devoted to young Mrs. Edward Ellice, his 
+charming daughter-in-law, was a constant visitor at 18 
+Arlington Street.  Mrs. Ellice often told me of his 
+peculiarities, which must evidently have been known to 
+others.  Walter Bagehot, speaking of him, says:
+
+'Singular stories of eccentricity and excitement, even of 
+something more than either of these, darken these latter 
+years.'
+
+What Mrs. Ellice told me was, that she had to keep a sharp 
+watch on Lord Brougham if he sat near her writing-table while 
+he talked to her; for if there was any pretty little knick-
+knack within his reach he would, if her head were turned, 
+slip it into his pocket.  The truth is perhaps better than 
+the dark hint, for certainly we all laughed at it as nothing 
+but eccentricity.
+
+But the man who interested me most (for though when in the 
+Navy I had heard a hundred legends of his exploits, I had 
+never seen him before) was Lord Dundonald.  Mr. Ellice 
+presented me to him, and the old hero asked why I had left 
+the Navy.
+
+'The finest service in the world; and likely, begad, to have 
+something to do before long.'
+
+This was only a year before the Crimean war.  With his strong 
+rough features and tousled mane, he looked like a grey lion.  
+One expected to see him pick his teeth with a pocket 
+boarding-pike.
+
+The thought of the old sailor always brings before me the 
+often mooted question raised by the sentimentalists and 
+humanitarians concerning the horrors of war.  Not long after 
+this time, the papers - the sentimentalist papers - were 
+furious with Lord Dundonald for suggesting the adoption by 
+the Navy of a torpedo which he himself, I think, had 
+invented.  The bare idea of such wholesale slaughter was 
+revolting to a Christian world.  He probably did not see much 
+difference between sinking a ship with a torpedo, and firing 
+a shell into her magazine; and likely enough had as much 
+respect for the opinions of the woman-man as he had for the 
+man-woman.
+
+There is always a large number of people in the world who 
+suffer from emotional sensitiveness and susceptibility to 
+nervous shocks of all kinds.  It is curious to observe the 
+different and apparently unallied forms in which these 
+characteristics manifest themselves.  With some, they exhibit 
+extreme repugnance to the infliction of physical pain for 
+whatever end; with others there seems to be a morbid dread of 
+violated pudicity.  Strangely enough the two phases are 
+frequently associated in the same individual.  Both 
+tendencies are eminently feminine; the affinity lies in a 
+hysterical nature.  Thus, excessive pietism is a frequent 
+concomitant of excessive sexual passion; this, though notably 
+the case with women, is common enough with men of unduly 
+neurotic temperaments.
+
+Only the other day some letters appeared in the 'Times' about 
+the flogging of boys in the Navy.  And, as a sentimental 
+argument against it, we were told by the Humanitarian 
+Leaguers that it is 'obscene.'  This is just what might be 
+expected, and bears out the foregoing remarks.  But such 
+saintly simplicity reminds us of the kind of squeamishness of 
+which our old acquaintance Mephisto observes:
+
+
+Man darf das nicht vor keuschen Ohren nennen,
+Was keusche Herzen nicht entbehren konnen.
+
+(Chaste ears find nothing but the devil in
+What nicest fancies love to revel in.)
+
+
+The same astute critic might have added:
+
+
+And eyes demure that look away when seen,
+Lose ne'er a chance to peep behind the screen.
+
+
+It is all of a piece.  We have heard of the parlour-maid who 
+fainted because the dining-table had 'ceder legs,' but never 
+before that a 'switching' was 'obscene.'  We do not envy the 
+unwholesomeness of a mind so watchful for obscenity.
+
+Be that as it may, so far as humanity is concerned, this 
+hypersensitive effeminacy has but a noxious influence; and 
+all the more for the twofold reason that it is sometimes 
+sincere, though more often mere cant and hypocrisy.  At the 
+best, it is a perversion of the truth; for emotion combined 
+with ignorance, as it is in nine hundred and ninety-nine 
+cases out of a thousand, is a serious obstacle in the path of 
+rational judgment.
+
+Is sentimentalism on the increase?  It seems to be so, if we 
+are to judge by a certain portion of the Press, and by 
+speeches in Parliament.  But then, this may only mean that 
+the propensity finds easier means of expression than it did 
+in the days of dearer paper and fewer newspapers, and also 
+that speakers find sentimental humanity an inexhaustible fund 
+for political capital.  The excess of emotional attributes in 
+man over his reasoning powers must, one would think, have 
+been at least as great in times past as it is now.  Yet it is 
+doubtful whether it showed itself then so conspicuously as it 
+does at present.  Compare the Elizabethan age with our own.  
+What would be said now of the piratical deeds of such men as 
+Frobisher, Raleigh, Gilbert, and Richard Greville?  Suppose 
+Lord Roberts had sent word to President Kruger that if four 
+English soldiers, imprisoned at Pretoria, were molested, he 
+would execute 2,000 Boers and send him their heads?  The 
+clap-trap cry of 'Barbaric Methods' would have gone forth to 
+some purpose; it would have carried every constituency in the 
+country.  Yet this is what Drake did when four English 
+sailors were captured by the Spaniards, and imprisoned by the 
+Spanish Viceroy in Mexico.
+
+Take the Elizabethan drama, and compare it with ours.  What 
+should we think of our best dramatist if, in one of his 
+tragedies, a man's eyes were plucked out on the stage, and if 
+he that did it exclaimed as he trampled on them, 'Out, vile 
+jelly! where is thy lustre now?' or of a Titus Andronicus 
+cutting two throats, while his daughter ''tween her stumps 
+doth hold a basin to receive their blood'?
+
+'Humanity,' says Taine, speaking of these times, 'is as much 
+lacking as decency.  Blood, suffering, does not move them.'
+
+Heaven forbid that we should return to such brutality!  I 
+cite these passages merely to show how times are changed; and 
+to suggest that with the change there is a decided loss of 
+manliness.  Are men more virtuous, do they love honour more, 
+are they more chivalrous, than the Miltons, the Lovelaces, 
+the Sidneys of the past?  Are the women chaster or more 
+gentle?  No; there is more puritanism, but not more true 
+piety.  It is only the outside of the cup and the platter 
+that are made clean, the inward part is just as full of 
+wickedness, and all the worse for its hysterical 
+fastidiousness.
+
+To what do we owe this tendency?  Are we degenerating morally 
+as well as physically?  Consider the physical side of the 
+question.  Fifty years ago the standard height for admission 
+to the army was five feet six inches.  It is now lowered to 
+five feet.  Within the last ten years the increase in the 
+urban population has been nearly three and a half millions.  
+Within the same period the increase in the rural population 
+is less than a quarter of one million.  Three out of five 
+recruits for the army are rejected; a large proportion of 
+them because their teeth are gone or decayed.  Do these 
+figures need comment?  Can you look for sound minds in such 
+unsound bodies?  Can you look for manliness, for self-
+respect, and self-control, or anything but animalistic 
+sentimentality?
+
+It is not the character of our drama or of our works of 
+fiction that promotes and fosters this propensity; but may it 
+not be that the enormous increase in the number of theatres, 
+and the prodigious supply of novels, may have a share in it, 
+by their exorbitant appeal to the emotional, and hence 
+neurotic, elements of our nature?  If such considerations 
+apply mainly to dwellers in overcrowded towns, there is yet 
+another cause which may operate on those more favoured, - the 
+vast increase in wealth and luxury.  Wherever these have 
+grown to excess, whether in Babylon, or Nineveh, or Thebes, 
+or Alexandria, or Rome, they have been the symptoms of 
+decadence, and forerunners of the nation's collapse.
+
+Let us be humane, let us abhor the horrors of war, and strain 
+our utmost energies to avert them.  But we might as well 
+forbid the use of surgical instruments as the weapons that 
+are most destructive in warfare.  If a limb is rotting with 
+gangrene, shall it not be cut away?  So if the passions which 
+occasion wars are inherent in human nature, we must face the 
+evil stout-heartedly; and, for one, I humbly question whether 
+any abolition of dum-dum bullets or other attempts to 
+mitigate this disgrace to humanity, do, in the end, more good 
+than harm.
+
+It is elsewhere that we must look for deliverance, - to the 
+overwhelming power of better educated peoples; to closer 
+intercourse between the nations; to the conviction that, from 
+the most selfish point of view even, peace is the only path 
+to prosperity; to the restraint of the baser Press which, for 
+mere pelf, spurs the passions of the multitude instead of 
+curbing them; and, finally, to deliverance from the 'all-
+potent wills of Little Fathers by Divine right,' and from the 
+ignoble ambition of bullet-headed uncles and brothers and 
+cousins - a curse from which England, thank the Gods! is, and 
+let us hope, ever will be, free.  But there are more 
+countries than one that are not so - just now; and the world 
+may ere long have to pay the bitter penalty.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXVII
+
+
+
+IT is curious if one lives long enough to watch the change of 
+taste in books.  I have no lending-library statistics at 
+hand, but judging by the reading of young people, or of those 
+who read merely for their amusement, the authors they 
+patronise are nearly all living or very recent.  What we old 
+stagers esteemed as classical in fiction and BELLES-LETTRES 
+are sealed books to the present generation.  It is an 
+exception, for instance, to meet with a young man or young 
+woman who has read Walter Scott.  Perhaps Balzac's reason is 
+the true one.  Scott, says he, 'est sans passion; il 
+l'ignore, ou peut-etre lui etait-elle interdite par les 
+moeurs hypocrites de son pays.  Pour lui la femme est le 
+devoir incarne.  A de rares exceptions pres, ses heroines 
+sont absolument les memes ... La femme porte le desordre dans 
+la societe par la passion.  La passion a des accidents 
+infinis.  Peignez donc les passions, vous aurez les sources 
+immenses dont s'est prive ce grand genie pour etre lu dans 
+toutes les familles de la prude Angleterre.'  Does not 
+Thackeray lament that since Fielding no novelist has dared to 
+face the national affectation of prudery?  No English author 
+who valued his reputation would venture to write as Anatole 
+France writes, even if he could.  Yet I pity the man who does 
+not delight in the genius that created M. Bergeret.
+
+A well-known author said to me the other day, he did not 
+believe that Thackeray himself would be popular were he 
+writing now for the first time - not because of his freedom, 
+but because the public taste has altered.  No present age can 
+predict immortality for the works of its day; yet to say that 
+what is intrinsically good is good for all time is but a 
+truism.  The misfortune is that much of the best in 
+literature shares the fate of the best of ancient monuments 
+and noble cities; the cumulative rubbish of ages buries their 
+splendours, till we know not where to find them.  The day may 
+come when the most valuable service of the man of letters 
+will be to unearth the lost treasures and display them, 
+rather than add his grain of dust to the ever-increasing 
+middens.
+
+Is Carlyle forgotten yet, I wonder?  How much did my 
+contemporaries owe to him in their youth?  How readily we 
+followed a leader so sure of himself, so certain of his own 
+evangel.  What an aid to strength to be assured that the true 
+hero is the morally strong man.  One does not criticise what 
+one loves; one didn't look too closely into the doctrine 
+that, might is right, for somehow he managed to persuade us 
+that right makes the might - that the strong man is the man 
+who, for the most part, does act rightly.  He is not over-
+patient with human frailty, to be sure, and is apt, as 
+Herbert Spencer found, to fling about his scorn rather 
+recklessly.  One fancies sometimes that he has more respect 
+for a genuine bad man than for a sham good one.  In fact, his 
+'Eternal Verities' come pretty much to the same as Darwin's 
+'Law of the advancement of all organic bodies'; 'let the 
+strong live, and the weakest die.'  He had no objection to 
+seeing 'the young cuckoo ejecting its foster-brothers, or 
+ants making slaves.'  But he atones for all this by his 
+hatred of cant and hypocrisy.  It is for his manliness that 
+we love him, for his honesty, for his indifference to any 
+mortal's approval save that of Thomas Carlyle.  He convinces 
+us that right thinking is good, but that right doing is much 
+better.  And so it is that he does honour to men of action 
+like his beloved Oliver, and Fritz, - neither of them 
+paragons of wisdom or of goodness, but men of doughty deeds.
+
+Just about this time I narrowly missed a longed-for chance of 
+meeting this hero of my PENATES.  Lady Ashburton - Carlyle's 
+Lady Ashburton - knowing my admiration, kindly invited me to 
+The Grange, while he was there.  The house was full - mainly 
+of ministers or ex-ministers, - Cornewall Lewis, Sir Charles 
+Wood, Sir James Graham, Albany Fonblanque, Mr. Ellice, and 
+Charles Buller - Carlyle's only pupil; but the great man 
+himself had left an hour before I got there.  I often met him 
+afterwards, but never to make his acquaintance.  Of course, I 
+knew nothing of his special friendship for Lady Ashburton, 
+which we are told was not altogether shared by Mrs. Carlyle; 
+but I well remember the interest which Lady Ashburton seemed 
+to take in his praise, how my enthusiasm seemed to please 
+her, and how Carlyle and his works were topics she was never 
+tired of discussing.
+
+The South Western line to Alresford was not then made, and I 
+had to post part of the way from London to The Grange.  My 
+chaise companion was a man very well known in 'Society'; and 
+though not remarkably popular, was not altogether 
+undistinguished, as the following little tale will attest.  
+Frederick Byng, one of the Torrington branch of the Byngs, 
+was chiefly famous for his sobriquet 'The Poodle'; this he 
+owed to no special merit of his own, but simply to the 
+accident of his thick curly head of hair.  Some, who spoke 
+feelingly of the man, used to declare that he had fulfilled 
+the promises of his youth.  What happened to him then may 
+perhaps justify the opinion.
+
+The young Poodle was addicted to practical jokes - as usual, 
+more amusing to the player than to the playee.  One of his 
+victims happened to be Beau Brummell, who, except when he 
+bade 'George ring the bell,' was as perfect a model of 
+deportment as the great Mr. Turveydrop himself.  His studied 
+decorum possibly provoked the playfulness of the young puppy; 
+and amongst other attempts to disturb the Beau's complacency, 
+Master Byng ran a pin into the calf of that gentleman's leg, 
+and then he ran away.  A few days later Mr. Brummell, who had 
+carefully dissembled his wrath, invited the unwary youth to 
+breakfast, telling him that he was leaving town, and had a 
+present which his young friend might have, if he chose to 
+fetch it.  The boy kept the appointment, and the Beau his 
+promise.  After an excellent breakfast, Brummell took a whip 
+from his cupboard, and gave it to the Poodle in a way the 
+young dog was not likely to forget.
+
+The happiest of my days then, and perhaps of my life, were 
+spent at Mr. Ellice's Highland Lodge, at Glenquoich.  For 
+sport of all kinds it was and is difficult to surpass.  The 
+hills of the deer forest are amongst the highest in Scotland; 
+the scenery of its lake and glens, especially the descent to 
+Loch Hourne, is unequalled.  Here were to be met many of the 
+most notable men and women of the time.  And as the house was 
+twenty miles from the nearest post-town, and that in turn two 
+days from London, visitors ceased to be strangers before they 
+left.  In the eighteen years during which this was my autumn 
+home, I had the good fortune to meet numbers of distinguished 
+people of whom I could now record nothing interesting but 
+their names.  Still, it is a privilege to have known such men 
+as John Lawrence, Guizot, Thiers, Landseer, Merimee, Comte de 
+Flahault, Doyle, Lords Elgin and Dalhousie, Duc de Broglie, 
+Pelissier, Panizzi, Motley, Delane, Dufferin; and of gifted 
+women, the three Sheridans, Lady Seymour - the Queen of 
+Beauty, afterwards Duchess of Somerset - Mrs. Norton, and 
+Lady Dufferin.  Amongst those who have a retrospective 
+interest were Mr. and Lady Blanche Balfour, parents of Mr. 
+Arthur Balfour, who came there on their wedding tour in 1843.  
+Mr. Arthur Balfour's father was Mrs. Ellice's first cousin.
+
+It would be easy to lengthen the list; but I mention only 
+those who repeated their visits, and who fill up my mental 
+picture of the place and of the life.  Some amongst them 
+impressed me quite as much for their amiability - their 
+loveableness, I may say - as for their renown; and regard for 
+them increased with coming years.  Panizzi was one of these.  
+Dufferin, who was just my age, would have fascinated anyone 
+with the singular courtesy of his manner.  Dicky Doyle was 
+necessarily a favourite with all who knew him.  He was a 
+frequent inmate of my house after I married, and was engaged 
+to dine with me, alas! only eight days before he died.  
+Motley was a singularly pleasant fellow.  My friendship with 
+him began over a volume of Sir W. Hamilton's Lectures.  He 
+asked what I was reading - I handed him the book.
+
+'A-h,' said he, 'there's no mental gymnastic like 
+metaphysics.'
+
+Many a battle we afterwards had over them.  When I was at 
+Cannes in 1877 I got a message from him one day saying he was 
+ill, and asking me to come and see him.  He did not say how 
+ill, so I put off going.  Two days after I heard he was dead.
+
+Merimee's cynicism rather alarmed one.  He was a capital 
+caricaturist, though, to our astonishment, he assured us he 
+had never drawn, or used a colour-box, till late in life.  He 
+had now learnt to use it, in a way that did not invariably 
+give satisfaction.  Landseer always struck me as sensitive 
+and proud, a Diogenes-tempered individual who had been spoilt 
+by the toadyism of great people.  He was agreeable if made 
+much of, or almost equally so if others were made little of.
+
+But of all those named, surely John Lawrence was the 
+greatest.  I wish I had read his life before it ended.  Yet, 
+without knowing anything more of him than that he was Chief 
+Commissioner of the Punjab, which did not convey much to my 
+understanding, one felt the greatness of the man beneath his 
+calm simplicity.  One day the party went out for a deer-
+drive; I was instructed to place Sir John in the pass below 
+mine.  To my disquietude he wore a black overcoat.  I assured 
+him that not a stag would come within a mile of us, unless he 
+covered himself with a grey plaid, or hid behind a large rock 
+there was, where I assured him he would see nothing.
+
+'Have the deer to pass me before they go on to you?' he 
+asked.
+
+'Certainly they have,' said I; 'I shall be up there above 
+you.'
+
+'Well then,' was his answer, 'I'll get behind the rock - it 
+will be more snug out of the wind.'
+
+One might as well have asked the deer not to see him, as try 
+to persuade John Lawrence not to sacrifice himself for 
+others.  That he did so here was certain, for the deer came 
+within fifty yards of him, but he never fired a shot.
+
+Another of the Indian viceroys was the innocent occasion of 
+great discomfort to me, or rather his wife was.  Lady Elgin 
+had left behind her a valuable diamond necklace.  I was going 
+back to my private tutor at Ely a few days after, and the 
+necklace was entrusted to me to deliver to its owner on my 
+way through London.  There was no railway then further north 
+than Darlington, except that between Edinburgh and Glasgow.  
+When I reached Edinburgh by coach from Inverness, my 
+portmanteau was not to be found.  The necklace was in a 
+despatch-box in my portmanteau; and by an unlucky oversight, 
+I had put my purse into my despatch-box.  What was to be 
+done?  I was a lad of seventeen, in a town where I did not 
+know a soul, with seven or eight shillings at most in my 
+pocket.  I had to break my journey and to stop where I was 
+till I could get news of the necklace; this alone was clear 
+to me, for the necklace was the one thing I cared for.
+
+At the coach office all the comfort I could get was that the 
+lost luggage might have gone on to Glasgow; or, what was more 
+probable, might have gone astray at Burntisland.  It might 
+not have been put on board, or it might not have been taken 
+off the ferry-steamer.  This could not be known for twenty-
+four hours, as there was no boat to or from Burntisland till 
+the morrow.  I decided to try Glasgow.  A return third-class 
+ticket left me without a copper.  I went, found nothing, got 
+back to Edinburgh at 10 P.M., ravenously hungry, dead tired, 
+and so frightened about the necklace that food, bed, means of 
+continuing my journey, were as mere death compared with 
+irreparable dishonour.  What would they all think of me?  How 
+could I prove that I had not stolen the diamonds?  Would Lord 
+Elgin accuse me?  How could I have been such an idiot as to 
+leave them in my portmanteau!  Some rascal might break it 
+open, and then, goodbye to my chance for ever!  Chance? what 
+chance was there of seeing that luggage again?  There were so 
+many 'mights.'  I couldn't even swear that I had seen it on 
+the coach at Inverness.  Oh dear! oh dear!  What was to be 
+done?  I walked about the streets; I glanced woefully at 
+door-steps, whereon to pass the night; I gazed piteously 
+through the windows of a cheap cook's shop, where solid 
+wedges of baked pudding, that would have stopped digestion 
+for a month, were advertised for a penny a block.  How rich 
+should I have been if I had had a penny in my pocket!  But I 
+had to turn away in despair.
+
+At last the inspiration came.  I remembered hearing Mr. 
+Ellice say that he always put up at Douglas' Hotel when he 
+stayed in Edinburgh.  I had very little hope of success, but 
+I was too miserable to hesitate.  It was very late, and 
+everybody might be gone to bed.  I rang the bell.  'I want to 
+see the landlord.'
+
+'Any name?' the porter asked.
+
+'No.'  The landlord came, fat, amiable looking.  'May I speak 
+to you in private?'  He showed the way to an unoccupied room.  
+'I think you know Mr. Ellice?'
+
+'Glenquoich, do you mean?'
+
+'Yes.'
+
+'Oh, very well - he always stays here on his way through.'
+
+'I am his step-son; I left Glenquoich yesterday.  I have lost 
+my luggage, and am left without any money.  Will you lend me 
+five pounds?'  I believe if I were in the same strait now, 
+and entered any strange hotel in the United Kingdom at half-
+past ten at night, and asked the landlord to give me five 
+pounds upon a similar security, he would laugh in my face, or 
+perhaps give me in charge of a policeman.
+
+My host of Douglas' did neither; but opened both his heart 
+and his pocket-book, and with the greatest good humour handed 
+me the requested sum.  What good people there are in this 
+world, which that crusty old Sir Peter Teazle calls 'a d-d 
+wicked one.'  I poured out all my trouble to the generous 
+man.  He ordered me an excellent supper, and a very nice 
+room.  And on the following day, after taking a great deal of 
+trouble, he recovered my lost luggage and the priceless 
+treasure it contained.  It was a proud and happy moment when 
+I returned his loan, and convinced him, of what he did not 
+seem to doubt, that I was positively not a swindler.
+
+But the roofless night and the empty belly, consequent on an 
+empty pocket, was a lesson which I trust was not thrown away 
+upon me.  It did not occur to me to do so, but I certainly 
+might have picked a pocket, if - well, if I had been brought 
+up to it.  Honesty, as I have often thought since, is dirt 
+cheap if only one can afford it.
+
+Before departing from my beloved Glenquoich, I must pay a 
+passing tribute to the remarkable qualities of Mrs. Edward 
+Ellice and of her youngest sister Mrs. Robert Ellice, the 
+mother of the present member for St. Andrews.  It was, in a 
+great measure, the bright intelligence, the rare tact, and 
+social gifts of these two ladies that made this beautiful 
+Highland resort so attractive to all comers.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXVIII
+
+
+
+THE winter of 1854-55 I spent in Rome.  Here I made the 
+acquaintance of Leighton, then six-and-twenty.  I saw a good 
+deal of him, as I lived almost entirely amongst the artists, 
+taking lessons myself in water colours of Leitch.  Music also 
+brought us into contact.  He had a beautiful voice, and used 
+to sing a good deal with Mrs. Sartoris - Adelaide Kemble - 
+whom he greatly admired, and whose portrait is painted under 
+a monk's cowl, in the Cimabue procession.
+
+Calling on him one morning, I found him on his knees 
+buttering and rolling up this great picture, preparatory to 
+sending it to the Academy.  I made some remark about its 
+unusual size, saying with a sceptical smile, 'It will take up 
+a lot of room.'
+
+'If they ever hang it,' he replied; 'but there's not much 
+chance of that.'
+
+Seeing that his reputation was yet to win, it certainly 
+seemed a bold venture to make so large a demand for space to 
+begin with.  He did not appear the least sanguine.  But it 
+was accepted; and Prince Albert bought it before the 
+Exhibition opened.
+
+Gibson also I saw much of.  He had executed a large alto-
+rilievo monument of my mother, which is now in my parish 
+church, and the model of which is on the landing of one of 
+the staircases of the National Gallery.  His studio was 
+always an interesting lounge, for he was ever ready to 
+lecture upon antique marbles.  To listen to him was like 
+reading the 'Laocoon,' which he evidently had at his fingers' 
+ends.  My companion through the winter was Mr. Reginald 
+Cholmondeley, a Cambridge ally, who was studying painting.  
+He was the uncle of Miss Cholmondeley the well-known 
+authoress, whose mother, by the way, was a first cousin of 
+George Cayley's, and also a great friend of mine.
+
+On my return to England I took up my abode in Dean's Yard, 
+and shared a house there with Mr. Cayley, the Yorkshire 
+member, and his two sons, the eldest a barrister, and my 
+friend George.  Here for several years we had exceedingly 
+pleasant gatherings of men more or less distinguished in 
+literature and art.  Tennyson was a frequent visitor - coming 
+late, after dinner hours, to smoke his pipe.  He varied a 
+good deal, sometimes not saying a word, but quietly listening 
+to our chatter.  Thackeray also used to drop in occasionally.
+
+George Cayley and I, with the assistance of his father and 
+others, had started a weekly paper called 'The Realm.'  It 
+was professedly a currency paper, and also supported a fiscal 
+policy advocated by Mr. Cayley and some of his parliamentary 
+clique.  Coming in one day, and finding us hard at work, 
+Thackeray asked for information.  We handed him a copy of the 
+paper.  'Ah,' he exclaimed, with mock solemnity, '"The 
+Rellum," should be printed on vellum.'  He too, like 
+Tennyson, was variable.  But this depended on whom he found.  
+In the presence of a stranger he was grave and silent.  He 
+would never venture on puerile jokes like this of his 
+'Rellum' - a frequent playfulness, when at his ease, which 
+contrasted so unexpectedly with his impenetrable exterior.  
+He was either gauging the unknown person, or feeling that he 
+was being gauged.  Monckton Milnes was another.  Seeing me 
+correcting some proof sheets, he said, 'Let me give you a 
+piece of advice, my young friend.  Write as much as you 
+please, but the less you print the better.'
+
+'For me, or for others?'
+
+'For both.'
+
+George Cayley had a natural gift for, and had acquired 
+considerable skill, in the embossing and working of silver 
+ware.  Millais so admired his art that he commissioned him to 
+make a large tea-tray; Millais provided the silver.  Round 
+the border of the tray were beautifully modelled sea-shells, 
+cray-fish, crabs, and fish of quaint forms, in high relief.  
+Millais was so pleased with the work that he afterwards 
+painted, and presented to Cayley, a fine portrait in his best 
+style of Cayley's son, a boy of six or seven years old.
+
+Laurence Oliphant was one of George Cayley's friends.  
+Attractive as he was in many ways, I had little sympathy with 
+his religious opinions, nor did I comprehend Oliphant's 
+exalted inspirations; I failed to see their practical 
+bearing, and, at that time I am sorry to say, looked upon him 
+as an amiable faddist.  A special favourite with both of us 
+was William Stirling of Keir.  His great work on the Spanish 
+painters, and his 'Cloister Life of Charles the Fifth,' 
+excited our unbounded admiration, while his BONHOMIE and 
+radiant humour were a delight we were always eager to 
+welcome.
+
+George Cayley and I now entered at Lincoln's Inn.  At the end 
+of three years he was duly called to the Bar.  I was not; for 
+alas, as usual, something 'turned up,' which drew me in 
+another direction.  For a couple of years, however, I 'ate' 
+my terms - not unfrequently with William Harcourt, with whom 
+Cayley had a Yorkshire intimacy even before our Cambridge 
+days.
+
+Old Mr. Cayley, though not the least strait-laced, was a 
+religious man.  A Unitarian by birth and conviction, he began 
+and ended the day with family prayers.  On Sundays he would 
+always read to us, or make us read to him, a sermon of 
+Channing's, or of Theodore Parker's, or what we all liked 
+better, one of Frederick Robertson's.  He was essentially a 
+good man.  He had been in Parliament all his life, and was a 
+broad-minded, tolerant, philosophical man-of-the-world.  He 
+had a keen sense of humour, and was rather sarcastical; but, 
+for all that, he was sensitively earnest, and conscientious.  
+I had the warmest affection and respect for him.  Such a 
+character exercised no small influence upon our conduct and 
+our opinions, especially as his approval or disapproval of 
+these visibly affected his own happiness.
+
+He was never easy unless he was actively engaged in some 
+benevolent scheme, the promotion of some charity, or in what 
+he considered his parliamentary duties, which he contrived to 
+make very burdensome to his conscience.  As his health was 
+bad, these self-imposed obligations were all the more 
+onerous; but he never spared himself, or his somewhat scanty 
+means.  Amongst other minor tasks, he used to teach at the 
+Sunday-school of St. John's, Westminster; in this he 
+persuaded me to join him.  The only other volunteer, not a 
+clergyman, was Page Wood - a great friend of Mr. Cayley's - 
+afterwards Lord Chancellor Hatherley.  In spite of Mr. 
+Cayley's Unitarianism, like Frederick the Great, he was all 
+for letting people 'go to Heaven in their own way,' and was 
+moreover quite ready to help them in their own way.  So that 
+he had no difficulty in hearing the boys repeat the day's 
+collect, or the Creed, even if Athanasian, in accordance with 
+the prescribed routine of the clerical teachers.
+
+This was right, at all events for him, if he thought it 
+right.  My spirit of nonconformity did not permit me to 
+follow his example.  Instead thereof, my teaching was purely 
+secular.  I used to take a volume of Mrs. Marcet's 
+'Conversations' in my pocket; and with the aid of the 
+diagrams, explain the application of the mechanical forces, - 
+the inclined plane, the screw, the pulley, the wedge, and the 
+lever.  After two or three Sundays my class was largely 
+increased, for the children keenly enjoyed their competitive 
+examinations.  I would also give them bits of poetry to get 
+by heart for the following Sunday - lines from Gray's 
+'Elegy,' from Wordsworth, from Pope's 'Essay on Man' - such 
+in short as had a moral rather than a religious tendency.
+
+After some weeks of this, the boys becoming clamorous in 
+their zeal to correct one another, one of the curates left 
+his class to hear what was going on in mine.  We happened at 
+the moment to be dealing with geography.  The curate, 
+evidently shocked, went away and brought another curate.  
+Then the two together departed, and brought back the rector - 
+Dr. Jennings, one of the Westminster Canons - a most kind and 
+excellent man.  I went on as if unconscious of the 
+censorship, the boys exerting themselves all the more eagerly 
+for the sake of the 'gallery.'  When the hour was up, Canon 
+Jennings took me aside, and in the most polite manner thanked 
+me for my 'valuable assistance,' but did not think that the 
+'Essay on Man,' or especially geography, was suited for the 
+teaching in a Sunday-school.  I told him I knew it was 
+useless to contend with so high a canonical authority; 
+personally I did not see the impiety of geography, but then, 
+as he already knew, I was a confirmed latitudinarian.  He 
+clearly did not see the joke, but intimated that my services 
+would henceforth be dispensed with.
+
+Of course I was wrong, though I did not know it then, for it 
+must be borne in mind that there were no Board Schools in 
+those days, and general education, amongst the poor, was 
+deplorably deficient.  At first, my idea was to give the 
+children (they were all boys) a taste for the 'humanities,' 
+which might afterwards lead to their further pursuit.  I 
+assumed that on the Sunday they would be thinking of the 
+baked meats awaiting them when church was over, or of their 
+week-day tops and tipcats; but I was equally sure that a time 
+would come when these would be forgotten, and the other 
+things remembered.  The success was greater from the 
+beginning than could be looked for; and some years afterwards 
+I had reason to hope that the forecast was not altogether too 
+sanguine.
+
+While the Victoria Tower was being built, I stopped one day 
+to watch the masons chiselling the blocks of stone.  
+Presently one of them, in a flannel jacket and a paper cap, 
+came and held out his hand to me.  He was a handsome young 
+fellow with a big black beard and moustache, both powdered 
+with his chippings.
+
+'You don't remember me, sir, do you?'
+
+'Did I ever see you before?'
+
+'My name is Richards; don't you remember, sir?  I was one of 
+the boys you used to teach at the Sunday-school.  It gave me 
+a turn for mechanics, which I followed up; and that's how I 
+took to this trade.  I'm a master mason now, sir; and the 
+whole of this lot is under me.'
+
+'I wonder what you would have been,' said I, 'if we'd stuck 
+to the collects?'
+
+'I don't think I should have had a hand in this little job,' 
+he answered, looking up with pride at the mighty tower, as 
+though he had a creative share in its construction.
+
+All this while I was working hard at my own education, and 
+trying to make up for the years I had wasted (so I thought of 
+them), by knocking about the world.  I spent laborious days 
+and nights in reading, dabbling in geology, chemistry, 
+physiology, metaphysics, and what not.  On the score of 
+dogmatic religion I was as restless as ever.  I had an 
+insatiable thirst for knowledge; but was without guidance.  I 
+wanted to learn everything; and, not knowing in what 
+direction to concentrate my efforts, learnt next to nothing.  
+All knowledge seemed to me equally important, for all bore 
+alike upon the great problems of belief and of existence.  
+But what to pursue, what to relinquish, appeared to me an 
+unanswerable riddle.  Difficult as this puzzle was, I did not 
+know then that a long life's experience would hardly make it 
+simpler.  The man who has to earn his bread must fain resolve 
+to adapt his studies to that end.  His choice not often rests 
+with him.  But the unfortunate being cursed in youth with the 
+means of idleness, yet without genius, without talents even, 
+is terribly handicapped and perplexed.
+
+And now, with life behind me, how should I advise another in 
+such a plight?  When a young lady, thus embarrassed, wrote to 
+Carlyle for counsel, he sympathetically bade her 'put her 
+drawers in order.'
+
+Here is the truth to be faced at the outset:  'Man has but 
+the choice to go a little way in many paths, or a great way 
+in only one.'  'Tis thus John Mill puts it.  Which will he, 
+which should he, choose?  Both courses lead alike to 
+incompleteness.  The universal man is no specialist, and has 
+to generalise without his details.  The specialist sees only 
+through his microscope, and knows about as much of cosmology 
+as does his microbe.  Goethe, the most comprehensive of 
+Seers, must needs expose his incompleteness by futile 
+attempts to disprove Newton's theory of colour.  Newton must 
+needs expose his, by a still more lamentable attempt to prove 
+the Apocalypse as true as his own discovery of the laws of 
+gravitation.  All science nowadays is necessarily confined to 
+experts.  Without illustrating the fact by invidious hints, I 
+invite anyone to consider the intellectual cost to the world 
+which such limitation entails; nor is the loss merely 
+negative; the specialist is unfortunately too often a bigot, 
+when beyond his contracted sphere.
+
+This, you will say, is arguing in a circle.  The universal 
+must be given up for the detail, the detail for the 
+universal; we leave off where we began.  Yes, that is the 
+dilemma.  Still, the gain to science through a devotion of a 
+whole life to a mere group of facts, in a single branch of a 
+single science, may be an incalculable acquisition to human 
+knowledge, to the intellectual capital of the race - a gain 
+that sometimes far outweighs the loss.  Even if we narrow the 
+question to the destiny of the individual, the sacrifice of 
+each one for the good of the whole is doubtless the highest 
+aim the one can have.
+
+But this conclusion scarcely helps us; for remember, the 
+option is not given to all.  Genius, or talent, or special 
+aptitude, is a necessary equipment for such an undertaking.  
+Great discoverers must be great observers, dexterous 
+manipulators, ingenious contrivers, and patient thinkers.
+
+The difficulty we started with was, what you and I, my 
+friend, who perhaps have to row in the same boat, and perhaps 
+'with the same sculls,' without any of these provisions, what 
+we should do?  What point of the compass should we steer for?  
+'Whatever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might.'  
+Truly there could be no better advice.  But the 'finding' is 
+the puzzle; and like the search for truth it must, I fear, be 
+left to each one's power to do it.  And then - and then the 
+countless thousands who have the leisure without the means - 
+who have hands at least, and yet no work to put them to - 
+what is to be done for these?  Not in your time or mine, dear 
+friend, will that question be answered.  For this, I fear we 
+must wait till by the 'universal law of adaptation' we reach 
+'the ultimate development of the ideal man.'  'Colossal 
+optimism,' exclaims the critic.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXIX
+
+
+
+IN February, 1855, Roebuck moved for a select committee to 
+inquire into the condition of the Army before Sebastopol.  
+Lord John Russell, who was leader of the House, treated this 
+as a vote of censure, and resigned.  Lord Palmerston resisted 
+Roebuck's motion, and generously defended the Government he 
+was otherwise opposed to.  But the motion was carried by a 
+majority of 157, and Lord Aberdeen was turned out of office.  
+The Queen sent for Lord Derby, but without Lord Palmerston he 
+was unable to form a Ministry.  Lord John was then appealed 
+to, with like results; and the premiership was practically 
+forced upon Palmerston, in spite of his unpopularity at 
+Court.  Mr. Horsman was made Chief Secretary for Ireland; and 
+through Mr. Ellice I became his private secretary.
+
+Before I went to the Irish Office I was all but a stranger to 
+my chief.  I had met him occasionally in the tennis court; 
+but the net was always between us.  He was a man with a great 
+deal of manner, but with very little of what the French call 
+'conviction.'  Nothing keeps people at a distance more 
+effectually than simulated sincerity; Horsman was a master of 
+the art.  I was profoundly ignorant of my duties.  But though 
+this was a great inconvenience to me at first, it led to a 
+friendship which I greatly prized until its tragic end.  For 
+all information as to the writers of letters, as to Irish 
+Members who applied for places for themselves, or for others, 
+I had to consult the principal clerk.  He was himself an 
+Irishman of great ability; and though young, was either 
+personally or officially acquainted, so it seemed to me, with 
+every Irishman in the House of Commons, or out of it.  His 
+name is too well known - it was Thomas Bourke, afterwards 
+Under Secretary, and one of the victims of the Fenian 
+assassins in the Phoenix Park.  His patience and amiability 
+were boundless; and under his guidance I soon learnt the 
+tricks of my trade.
+
+During the session we remained in London; and for some time 
+it was of great interest to listen to the debates.  When 
+Irish business was before the House, I had often to be in 
+attendance on my chief in the reporters' gallery.  Sometimes 
+I had to wait there for an hour or two before our questions 
+came on, and thus had many opportunities of hearing Bright, 
+Gladstone, Disraeli, and all the leading speakers.  After a 
+time the pleasure, when compulsory, began to pall; and I used 
+to wonder what on earth could induce the ruck to waste their 
+time in following, sheeplike, their bell-wethers, or waste 
+their money in paying for that honour.  When Parliament was 
+up we moved to Dublin.  I lived with Horsman in the Chief 
+Secretary's lodge.  And as I had often stayed at Castle 
+Howard before Lord Carlisle became Viceroy, between the two 
+lodges I saw a great deal of pleasant society.
+
+Amongst those who came to stay with Horsman was Sidney 
+Herbert, then Colonial Secretary, a man of singular nobility 
+of nature.  Another celebrity for the day, but of a very 
+different character, was Lord Cardigan.  He had just returned 
+from the Crimea, and was now in command of the forces in 
+Ireland.  This was about six months after the Balaklava 
+charge.  Horsman asked him one evening to give a description 
+of it, with a plan of the battle.  His Lordship did so; no 
+words could be more suited to the deed.  If this was 'pell-
+mell, havock, and confusion,' the account of it was 
+proportionately confounded.  The noble leader scrawled and 
+inked and blotted all the phases of the battle upon the same 
+scrap of paper, till the batteries were at the starting-point 
+of the charge, the Light Brigade on the far side of the guns, 
+and all the points of the compass, attack and defence, had 
+changed their original places; in fact, the gallant Earl 
+brandished his pen as valiantly as he had his sword.  When 
+quite bewildered, like everybody else, I ventured mildly to 
+ask, 'But where were you, Lord Cardigan, and where were our 
+men when it came to this?'
+
+'Where?  Where?  God bless my soul!  How should I know where 
+anybody was?'  And this, no doubt, described the situation to 
+a nicety.
+
+My office was in the Castle, and the next room to mine was 
+that of the Solicitor-General Keogh, afterwards Judge.  We 
+became the greatest of friends.  It was one of Horsman's 
+peculiarities to do business circuitously.  He was fond of 
+mysteries and of secrets, secrets that were to be kept from 
+everyone, but which were generally known to the office 
+messengers.  When Keogh and I met in the morning he would 
+say, with admirable imitation of Horsman's manner, 'Well, it 
+is all settled; the Viceroy has considered the question, and 
+has decided to act upon my advice.  Mind you don't tell 
+anyone - it is a profound secret,' then, lowering his voice 
+and looking round the room, 'His Excellency has consented to 
+score at the next cricket match between the garrison and the 
+Civil Service.'  If it were a constabulary appointment, or 
+even a village post-office, the Attorney or the Solicitor-
+General would be strictly enjoined not to inform me, and I 
+received similar injunctions respecting them.  In spite of 
+his apparent attention to details, Mr. Horsman hunted three 
+days a week, and stated in the House of Commons that the 
+office of Chief Secretary was a farce, meaning when excluded 
+from the Cabinet.  All I know is, that his private secretary 
+was constantly at work an hour before breakfast by candle-
+light, and never got a single day's holiday throughout the 
+winter.
+
+Horsman had hired a shooting - Balnaboth in Scotland; here, 
+too, I had to attend upon him in the autumn, mainly for the 
+purpose of copying voluminous private correspondence about a 
+sugar estate he owned at Singapore, then producing a large 
+income, but the subsequent failure of which was his ruin.  
+One year Sir Alexander Cockburn, the Lord Chief Justice, came 
+to stay with him; and excellent company he was.  Horsman had 
+sometimes rather an affected way of talking; and referring to 
+some piece of political news, asked Cockburn whether he had 
+seen it in the 'Courier.'  This he pronounced with an accent 
+on the last syllable, like the French 'Courrier.'  Cockburn, 
+with a slight twinkle in his eye, answered in his quiet way, 
+'No, I didn't see it in the "Courrier," perhaps it is in the 
+"Morning Post,"' also giving the French pronunciation to the 
+latter word.
+
+Sir Alexander told us an amusing story about Disraeli.  He 
+and Bernal Osborne were talking together about Mrs. Disraeli, 
+when presently Osborne, with characteristic effrontery, 
+exclaimed:  'My dear Dizzy, how could you marry such a 
+woman?'  The answer was; 'My dear Bernal, you never knew what 
+gratitude was, or you would not ask the question.'
+
+The answer was a gracious one, and doubtless sincere.  But, 
+despite his cynicism, no one could be more courteous or say 
+prettier things than Disraeli.  Here is a little story that 
+was told me at the time by my sister-in-law, who was a woman 
+of the bedchamber, and was present on the occasion.  When her 
+Majesty Queen Alexandra was suffering from an accident to her 
+knee, and had to use crutches, Disraeli said to her:  'I have 
+heard of a devil on two sticks, but never before knew an 
+angel to use them.'
+
+Keogh, Bourke, and I, made several pleasant little excursions 
+to such places as Bray, the Seven Churches, Powerscourt, &c., 
+and, with a chosen car-driver, the wit and fun of the three 
+clever Irishmen was no small treat.  The last time I saw 
+either of my two friends was at a dinner-party which Bourke 
+gave at the 'Windham.'  We were only four, to make up a whist 
+party; the fourth was Fred Clay, the composer.  It is sad to 
+reflect that two of the lot came to violent ends - Keogh, the 
+cheeriest of men in society, by his own hands.  Bourke I had 
+often spoken to of the danger he ran in crossing the Phoenix 
+Park nightly on his way home, on foot and unarmed.  He 
+laughed at me, and rather indignantly - for he was a very 
+vain man, though one of the most good-natured fellows in the 
+world.  In the first place, he prided himself on his physique 
+- he was a tall, well-built, handsome man, and a good boxer 
+and fencer to boot.  In the next place, he prided himself 
+above all things on being a thorough-bred Irishman, with a 
+sneaking sympathy with even Fenian grievances.  'They all 
+know ME,' he would say.  'The rascals know I'm the best 
+friend they have.  I'm the last man in the world they'd harm, 
+for political reasons.  Anyway, I can take care of myself.'  
+And so it was he fell.
+
+The end of Horsman's secretaryship is soon told.  A bishopric 
+became vacant, and almost as much intrigue was set agoing as 
+we read of in the wonderful story of 'L'Anneau d'Amethyste.'  
+Horsman, at all times a profuse letter-writer, wrote folios 
+to Lord Palmerston on the subject, each letter more 
+exuberant, more urgent than the last.  But no answer came.  
+Finally, the whole Irish vote, according to the Chief 
+Secretary, being at stake - not to mention the far more 
+important matter of personal and official dignity - Horsman 
+flew off to London, boiling over with impatience and 
+indignation.  He rushed to 10 Downing Street.  His Lordship 
+was at the Foreign office, but was expected every minute; 
+would Mr. Horsman wait?  Mr. Horsman was shown into his 
+Lordship's room.  Piles of letters, opened and unopened, were 
+lying upon the table.  The Chief Secretary recognised his own 
+signatures on the envelopes of a large bundle, all amongst 
+the 'un's.' The Premier came in, an explanation EXTREMEMENT 
+VIVE followed; on his return to Dublin Mr. Horsman resigned 
+his post, and from that moment became one of Lord 
+Palmerston's bitterest opponents.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XL
+
+
+
+THE lectures at the Royal Institution were of some help to 
+me.  I attended courses by Owen, Tyndall, Huxley, and Bain.  
+Of these, Huxley was FACILE PRINCEPS, though both Owen and 
+Tyndall were second to no other.  Bain was disappointing.  I 
+was a careful student of his books, and always admired the 
+logical lucidity of his writing.  But to the mixed audience 
+he had to lecture to - fashionable young ladies in their 
+teens, and drowsy matrons in charge of them, he discreetly 
+kept clear of transcendentals.  In illustration perhaps of 
+some theory of the relation of the senses to the intellect, 
+he would tell an amusing anecdote of a dog that had had an 
+injured leg dressed at a certain house, after which the 
+recovered dog brought a canine friend to the same house to 
+have his leg - or tail - repaired.  Out would come all the 
+tablets and pretty pencil cases, and every young lady would 
+be busy for the rest of the lecture in recording the 
+marvellous history.  If the dog's name had been 'Spot' or 
+'Bob,' the important psychological fact would have been 
+faithfully registered.  As to the theme of the discourse, 
+that had nothing to do with - millinery.  And Mr. Bain 
+doubtless did not overlook the fact.
+
+Owen was an accomplished lecturer; but one's attention to him 
+depended on two things - a primary interest in the subject, 
+and some elementary acquaintance with it.  If, for example, 
+his subject were the comparative anatomy of the cycloid and 
+ganoid fishes, the difference in their scales was scarcely of 
+vital importance to one's general culture.  But if he were 
+lecturing on fish, he would stick to fish; it would be 
+essentially a JOUR MAIGRE.
+
+With Huxley, the suggestion was worth more than the thing 
+said.  One thought of it afterwards, and wondered whether his 
+words implied all they seemed to imply.  One knew that the 
+scientist was also a philosopher; and one longed to get at 
+him, at the man himself, and listen to the lessons which his 
+work had taught him.  At one of these lectures I had the 
+honour of being introduced to him by a great friend of mine, 
+John Marshall, then President of the College of Surgeons.  In 
+later years I used to meet him constantly at the Athenaeum.
+
+Looking back to the days of one's plasticity, two men are 
+pre-eminent among my Dii Majores.  To John Stuart Mill and to 
+Thomas Huxley I owe more, educationally, than to any other 
+teachers.  Mill's logic was simply a revelation to me.  For 
+what Kant calls 'discipline,' I still know no book, unless it 
+be the 'Critique' itself, equal to it.  But perhaps it is the 
+men themselves, their earnestness, their splendid courage, 
+their noble simplicity, that most inspired one with 
+reverence.  It was Huxley's aim to enlighten the many, and he 
+enlightened them.  It was Mill's lot to help thinkers, and he 
+helped them.  SAPERE AUDE was the motto of both.  How few 
+there are who dare to adopt it!  To love truth is valiantly 
+professed by all; but to pursue it at all costs, to 'dare to 
+be wise' needs daring of the highest order.
+
+Mill had the enormous advantage, to start with, of an 
+education unbiassed by any theological creed; and he brought 
+exceptional powers of abstract reasoning to bear upon matters 
+of permanent and supreme importance to all men.  Yet, in 
+spite of his ruthless impartiality, I should not hesitate to 
+call him a religious man.  This very tendency which no 
+imaginative mind, no man or woman with any strain of poetical 
+feeling, can be without, invests Mill's character with a 
+clash of humanity which entitles him to a place in our 
+affections.  It is in this respect that he so widely differs 
+from Mr. Herbert Spencer.  Courageous Mr. Spencer was, but 
+his courage seems to have been due almost as much to absence 
+of sympathy or kinship with his fellow-creatures, and to his 
+contempt of their opinions, as from his dispassionate love of 
+truth, or his sometimes passionate defence of his own tenets.
+
+My friend Napier told me an amusing little story about John 
+Mill when he was in the East India Company's administration.  
+Mr. Macvey Napier, my friend's elder brother, was the senior 
+clerk.  On John Mill's retirement, his co-officials 
+subscribed to present him with a silver standish.  Such was 
+the general sense of Mill's modest estimate of his own 
+deserts, and of his aversion to all acknowledgment of them, 
+that Mr. Napier, though it fell to his lot, begged others to 
+join in the ceremony of presentation.  All declined; the 
+inkstand was left upon Mill's table when he himself was out 
+of the room.
+
+Years after the time of which I am writing, when Mill stood 
+for Westminster, I had the good fortune to be on the platform 
+at St. James's Hall, next but one to him, when he made his 
+first speech to the electors.  He was completely unknown to 
+the public, and, though I worshipped the man, I had never 
+seen him, nor had an idea what he looked like.  To satisfy my 
+curiosity I tried to get a portrait of him at the 
+photographic shop in Regent Street.
+
+'I want a photograph of Mr. Mill.'
+
+'Mill?  Mill?' repeated the shopman, 'Oh yes, sir, I know - a 
+great sporting gent,' and he produced the portrait of a 
+sportsman in top boots and a hunting cap.
+
+Very different from this was the figure I then saw.  The hall 
+and the platform were crowded.  Where was the principal 
+personage?  Presently, quite alone, up the side steps, and 
+unobserved, came a thin but tallish man in black, with a tail 
+coat, and, almost unrecognised, took the vacant front seat.  
+He might have been, so far as dress went, a clerk in a 
+counting-house, or an undertaker.  But the face was no 
+ordinary one.  The wide brow, the sharp nose of the Burke 
+type, the compressed lips and strong chin, were suggestive of 
+intellect and of suppressed emotion.  There was no applause, 
+for nothing was known to the crowd, even of his opinions, 
+beyond the fact that he was the Liberal candidate for 
+Westminster.  He spoke with perfect ease to himself, never 
+faltering for the right word, which seemed to be always at 
+his command.  If interrupted by questions, as he constantly 
+was, his answers could not have been amended had he written 
+them.  His voice was not strong, and there were frequent 
+calls from the far end to 'speak up, speak up; we can't hear 
+you.'  He did not raise his pitch a note.  They might as well 
+have tried to bully an automaton.  He was doing his best, and 
+he could do no more.  Then, when, instead of the usual 
+adulations, instead of declamatory appeals to the passions of 
+a large and a mixed assembly, he gave them to understand, in 
+very plain language, that even socialists are not infallible, 
+- that extreme and violent opinions, begotten of ignorance, 
+do not constitute the highest political wisdom; then there 
+were murmurs of dissent and disapproval.  But if the ignorant 
+and the violent could have stoned him, his calm manner would 
+still have said, 'Strike, but hear me.'
+
+Mr. Robert Grosvenor - the present Lord Ebury - then the 
+other Liberal member for Westminster, wrote to ask me to take 
+the chair at Mill's first introduction to the Pimlico 
+electors.  Such, however, was my admiration of Mill, I did 
+not feel sure that I might not say too much in his favour; 
+and mindful of the standish incident, I knew, that if I did 
+so, it would embarrass and annoy him.
+
+Under these circumstances I declined the honour.
+
+When Owen was delivering a course of lectures at Norwich, my 
+brother invited him to Holkham.  I was there, and we took 
+several long walks together.  Nothing seemed to escape his 
+observation.  My brother had just completed the recovery of 
+many hundred acres of tidal marsh by embankments.  Owen, who 
+was greatly interested, explained what would be the effect 
+upon the sandiest portion of this, in years to come; what the 
+chemical action of the rain would be, how the sand would 
+eventually become soil, how vegetation would cover it, and 
+how manure render it cultivable.  The splendid crops now 
+grown there bear testimony to his foresight.  He had always 
+something instructive to impart, stopping to contemplate 
+trifles which only a Zadig would have noticed.
+
+'I observe,' said he one day, 'that your prevailing wind here 
+is north-west.'
+
+'How do you know?' I asked.
+
+'Look at the roots of all these trees; the large roots are 
+invariably on the north-west side.  This means that the 
+strain comes on this side.  The roots which have to bear it 
+loosen the soil, and the loosened soil favours the extension 
+and the growth of the roots.  Nature is beautifully 
+scientific.'
+
+Some years after this, I published a book called 'Creeds of 
+the Day.'  My purpose was to show, in a popular form, the 
+bearings of science and speculative thought upon the 
+religious creeds of the time.  I sent Owen a copy of the 
+work.  He wrote me one of the most interesting letters I ever 
+received.  He had bought the book, and had read it.  But the 
+important content of the letter was the confession of his own 
+faith.  I have purposely excluded all correspondence from 
+these Memoirs, but had it not been that a forgotten collector 
+of autographs had captured it, I should have been tempted to 
+make an exception in its favour.  The tone was agnostic; but 
+timidly agnostic.  He had never freed himself from the 
+shackles of early prepossessions.  He had not the necessary 
+daring to clear up his doubts.  Sometimes I fancy that it was 
+this difference in the two men that lay at the bottom of the 
+unfortunate antagonism between Owen and Huxley.  There is in 
+Owen's writing, where he is not purely scientific, a touch of 
+the apologist.  He cannot quite make up his mind to follow 
+evolution to its logical conclusions.  Where he is forced to 
+do so, it is to him like signing the death warrant of his 
+dearest friend.  It must not be forgotten that Owen was born 
+more than twenty years before Huxley; and great as was the 
+offence of free-thinking in Huxley's youth, it was nothing 
+short of anathema in Owen's.  When I met him at Holkham, the 
+'Origin of Species' had not been published; and Napier and I 
+did all we could to get Owen to express some opinion on 
+Lamarck's theory, for he and I used to talk confidentially on 
+this fearful heresy even then.  But Owen was ever on his 
+guard.  He evaded our questions and changed the subject.
+
+Whenever I pass near the South Kensington Museum I step aside 
+to look at the noble statues of the two illustrious men.  A 
+mere glance at them, and we appreciate at once their 
+respective characters.  In the one we see passive wisdom, in 
+the other militant force.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLI
+
+
+
+BEFORE I went to America, I made the acquaintance of Dr. 
+George Bird; he continued to be one of my most intimate 
+friends till his death, fifty years afterwards.  When I first 
+knew him, Bird was the medical adviser and friend of Leigh 
+Hunt, whose family I used often to meet at his house.  He had 
+been dependent entirely upon his own exertions; had married 
+young; and had had a pretty hard fight at starting to provide 
+for his children and for himself.  His energy, his abilities, 
+his exceeding amiability, and remarkable social qualities, 
+gradually procured him a large practice and hosts of devoted 
+friends.  He began looking for the season for sprats - the 
+cheapest of fish - to come in; by middle life he was 
+habitually and sumptuously entertaining the celebrities of 
+art and literature.  With his accomplished sister, Miss Alice 
+Bird, to keep house for him, there were no pleasanter dinner 
+parties or receptions in London.  His CLIENTELE was mainly 
+amongst the artistic world.  He was a great friend of Miss 
+Ellen Terry's, Mr. Marcus Stone and his sisters were 
+frequenters of his house, so were Mr. Swinburne, Mr. Woolner 
+the sculptor - of whom I was not particularly fond - Horace 
+Wigan the actor, and his father, the Burtons, who were much 
+attached to him - Burton dedicated one volume of his 'Arabian 
+Nights' to him - Sir William Crookes, Mr. Justin Macarthy and 
+his talented son, and many others.
+
+The good doctor was a Radical and Home Ruler, and attended 
+professionally the members of one or two labouring men's 
+clubs for fees which, as far as I could learn, were 
+rigorously nominal.  His great delight was to get an order 
+for the House of Commons, especially on nights when Mr. 
+Gladstone spoke; and, being to the last day of his life as 
+simple-minded as a child, had a profound belief in the 
+statemanship and integrity of that renowned orator.
+
+As far as personality goes, the Burtons were, perhaps, the 
+most notable of the above-named.  There was a mystery about 
+Burton which was in itself a fascination.  No one knew what 
+he had done; or consequently what he might not do.  He never 
+boasted, never hinted that he had done, or could do, anything 
+different from other men; and, in spite of the mystery, one 
+felt that he was transparently honest and sincere.  He was 
+always the same, always true to himself; but then, that 
+'self' was a something PER SE, which could not be 
+categorically classed - precedent for guidance was lacking.  
+There is little doubt Burton had gipsy blood in his veins; 
+there was something Oriental in his temperament, and even in 
+his skin.
+
+One summer's day I found him reading the paper in the 
+Athenaeum.  He was dressed in a complete suit of white - 
+white trousers, a white linen coat, and a very shabby old 
+white hat.  People would have stared at him anywhere.
+
+'Hullo, Burton!' I exclaimed, touching his linen coat, 'Do 
+you find it so hot - DEJA?'
+
+Said he:  'I don't want to be mistaken for other people.'
+
+'There's not much fear of that, even without your clothes,' I 
+replied.
+
+Such an impromptu answer as his would, from any other, have 
+implied vanity.  Yet no man could have been less vain, or 
+more free from affectation.  It probably concealed regret at 
+finding himself conspicuous.
+
+After dinner at the Birds' one evening we fell to talking of 
+garrotters.  About this time the police reports were full of 
+cases of garrotting.  The victim was seized from behind, one 
+man gagged or burked him, while another picked his pocket.
+
+'What should you do, Burton?' the Doctor asked, 'if they 
+tried to garrotte you?'
+
+'I'm quite ready for 'em,' was the answer; and turning up his 
+sleeve he partially pulled out a dagger, and shoved it back 
+again.
+
+We tried to make him tell us what became of the Arab boy who 
+accompanied him to Mecca, and whose suspicions threatened 
+Burton's betrayal, and, of consequence, his life.  I don't 
+think anyone was present except us two, both of whom he well 
+knew to be quite shock-proof, but he held his tongue.
+
+'You would have been perfectly justified in saving your own 
+life at any cost.  You would hardly have broken the sixth 
+commandment by doing so in this case,' I suggested.
+
+'No,' said he gravely, 'and as I had broken all the ten 
+before, it wouldn't have so much mattered.'
+
+The Doctor roared.  It should, however, be stated that Burton 
+took no less delight in his host's boyish simplicity, than 
+the other in what he deemed his guest's superb candour.
+
+'Come, tell us,' said Bird, 'how many men have you killed?'
+
+'How many have you, Doctor?' was the answer.
+
+Richard Burton was probably the most extraordinary linguist 
+of his day.  Lady Burton mentions, I think, in his Life, the 
+number of languages and dialects her husband knew.  That 
+Mahometans should seek instruction from him in the Koran, 
+speaks of itself for his astonishing mastery of the greatest 
+linguistic difficulties.  With Indian languages and their 
+variations, he was as completely at home as Miss Youghal's 
+Sais; and, one may suppose, could have played the ROLE of a 
+fakir as perfectly as he did that of a Mecca pilgrim.  I 
+asked him what his method was in learning a fresh language.  
+He said he wrote down as many new words as he could learn and 
+remember each day; and learnt the construction of the 
+language colloquially, before he looked at a grammar.
+
+Lady Burton was hardly less abnormal in her way than Sir 
+Richard.  She had shared his wanderings, and was intimate, as 
+no one else was, with the eccentricities of his thoughts and 
+deeds.  Whatever these might happen to be, she worshipped her 
+husband notwithstanding.  For her he was the standard of 
+excellence; all other men were departures from it.  And the 
+singularity is, her religious faith was never for an instant 
+shaken - she remained as strict a Roman Catholic as when he 
+married her from a convent.  Her enthusiasm and 
+cosmopolitanism, her NAIVETE and the sweetness of her 
+disposition made her the best of company.  She had lived so 
+much the life of a Bedouin, that her dress and her habits had 
+an Eastern glow.  When staying with the Birds, she was 
+attended by an Arab girl, one of whose duties it was to 
+prepare her mistress' chibouk, which was regularly brought in 
+with the coffee.  On one occasion, when several other ladies 
+were dining there, some of them yielded to Lady Burton's 
+persuasion to satisfy their curiosity.  The Arab girl soon 
+provided the means; and it was not long before there were 
+four or five faces as white as Mrs. Alfred Wigan's, under 
+similar circumstances, in the 'Nabob.'
+
+Alfred Wigan's father was an unforgettable man.  To describe 
+him in a word, he was Falstag REDIVIVUS.  In bulk and 
+stature, in age, in wit and humour, and morality, he was 
+Falstaff.  He knew it and gloried in it.  He would complain 
+with zest of 'larding the lean earth' as he walked along.  He 
+was as partial to whisky as his prototype to sack.  He would 
+exhaust a Johnsonian vocabulary in describing his ailments; 
+and would appeal pathetically to Miss Bird, as though at his 
+last gasp, for 'just a tea-spoonful' of the grateful 
+stimulant.  She served him with a liberal hand, till he cried 
+'Stop!'  But if she then stayed, he would softly insinuate 'I 
+didn't mean it, my dear.'  Yet he was no Costigan.  His brain 
+was stronger than casks of whisky.  And his powers of 
+digestion were in keeping.  Indeed, to borrow the well-known 
+words applied to a great man whom we all love, 'He tore his 
+dinner like a famished wolf, with the veins swelling in his 
+forehead, and the perspiration running down his cheeks.'  The 
+trend of his thoughts, though he was eminently a man of 
+intellect, followed the dictates of his senses.  Walk with 
+him in the fields and, from the full stores of a prodigious 
+memory, he would pour forth pages of the choicest poetry.  
+But if you paused to watch the lambs play, or disturbed a 
+young calf in your path, he would almost involuntarily 
+exclaim:  'How deliciously you smell of mint, my pet!' or 
+'Bless your innocent face!  What sweetbreads you will 
+provide!'
+
+James Wigan had kept a school once.  The late Serjeant 
+Ballantine, who was one of his pupils, mentions him in his 
+autobiography.  He was a good scholar, and when I first knew 
+him, used to teach elocution.  Many actors went to him, and 
+not a few members of both Houses of Parliament.  He could 
+recite nearly the whole of several of Shakespeare's plays; 
+and, with a dramatic art I have never known equalled by any 
+public reader.
+
+His later years were passed at Sevenoaks, where he kept an 
+establishment for imbeciles, or weak-minded youths.  I often 
+stayed with him (not as a patient), and a very comfortable 
+and pretty place it was.  Now and then he would call on me in 
+London; and, with a face full of theatrical woe, tell me, 
+with elaborate circumlocution, how the Earl of This, or the 
+Marquis of That, had implored him to take charge of young 
+Lord So-and-So, his son; who, as all the world knew, had - 
+well, had 'no guts in his brains.'  Was there ever such a 
+chance?  Just consider what it must lead to!  Everybody knew 
+- no, nobody knew - the enormous number of idiots there were 
+in noble families.  And, such a case as that of young Lord 
+Dash - though of course his residence at Sevenoaks would be a 
+profound secret, would be patent to the whole peerage; and, 
+my dear sir, a fortune to your humble servant, if - ah! if he 
+could only secure it!'
+
+'But I thought you said you had been implored to take him?'
+
+'I did say so.  I repeat it.  His Lordship's father came to 
+me with tears in his eyes.  "My dear Wigan," were that 
+nobleman's words, "do me this one favour and trust me, you 
+will never regret it!"  But - ' he paused to remove the 
+dramatic tear, 'but, I hardly dare go on.  Yes - yes, I know 
+your kindness' (seizing my hand) 'I know how ready you are to 
+help me' - (I hadn't said a word) - 'but - '
+
+'How much is it this time? and what is it for?'
+
+'For?  I have told you what it is for.  The merest trifle 
+will suffice.  I have the room - a beautiful room, the best 
+aspect in the house.  It is now occupied by young Rumagee 
+Bumagee the great Bombay millionaire's son.  Of course he can 
+be moved.  But a bed - there positively is not a spare bed in 
+the house.  This is all I want - a bed, and perhaps a 
+tuppenny ha'penny strip of carpet, a couple of chairs, a - 
+let me see; if you give me a slip of paper I can make out in 
+a minute what it will come to.'
+
+'Never mind that.  Will a ten-pound note serve your 
+purposes?'
+
+'Dear boy!  Dear boy!  But on one condition, on one condition 
+only, can I accept it - this is a loan, a loan mind! and not 
+a gift.  No, no - it is useless to protest; my pride, my 
+sense of honour, forbids my acceptance upon any other terms.'
+
+A day or two afterwards I would learn from George Bird that 
+he and Miss Alice had accepted an invitation to meet me at 
+Sevenoaks.  Mr. Donovan, the famous phrenologist, was to be 
+of the party; the Rector of Sevenoaks, and one or two local 
+magnates, had also been invited to dine.  We Londoners were 
+to occupy the spare rooms, for this was in the coaching days.
+
+We all knew what we had to expect - a most enjoyable banquet 
+of conviviality.  Young Mrs. Wigan, his second wife, was an 
+admirable housekeeper, and nothing could have been better 
+done.  The turbot and the haunch of venison were the pick of 
+Grove's shop, the champagne was iced to perfection, and there 
+was enough of it, as Mr. Donovan whispered to me, casting his 
+eyes to the ceiling, 'to wash an omnibus, bedad.'  Mr. 
+Donovan, though he never refused Mr. Wigan's hospitality, 
+balanced the account by vilipending his friend's extravagant 
+habits.  While Mr. Wigan, probably giving him full credit for 
+his gratitude, always spoke of him as 'Poor old Paddy 
+Donovan.'
+
+With Alfred Wigan, the eldest son, I was on very friendly 
+terms.  Nothing could be more unlike his father.  His manner 
+in his own house was exactly what it was on the stage.  
+Albany Fonblanque, whose experiences began nearly forty years 
+before mine, and who was not given to waste his praise, told 
+me he considered Alfred Wigan the best 'gentleman' he had 
+ever seen on the stage.  I think this impression was due in a 
+great measure to Wigan's entire absence of affectation, and 
+to his persistent appeal to the 'judicious' but never to the 
+'groundlings.'  Mrs. Alfred Wigan was also a consummate 
+artiste.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLII
+
+
+
+THROUGH George Bird I made the acquaintance of the leading 
+surgeons and physicians of the North London Hospital, where I 
+frequently attended the operations of Erichsen, John 
+Marshall, and Sir Henry Thompson, following them afterwards 
+in their clinical rounds.  Amongst the physicians, Professor 
+Sydney Ringer remains one of my oldest friends.  Both surgery 
+and therapeutics interested me deeply.  With regard to the 
+first, curiosity was supplemented by the incidental desire to 
+overcome the natural repugnance we all feel to the mere sight 
+of blood.
+
+Chemistry I studied in the laboratory of a professional 
+friend of Dr. Bird's.  After a while my teacher would leave 
+me to carry out small commissions of a simple character which 
+had been put into his hands, such as the analysis of water, 
+bread, or other food-stuffs.  He himself often had 
+engagements elsewhere, and would leave me in possession of 
+the laboratory, with a small urchin whom he had taught to be 
+useful.  This boy was of the meekest and mildest disposition.  
+Whether his master had frightened him or not I do not know.  
+He always spoke in a whisper, and with downcast eyes.  He 
+handled everything as if it was about to annihilate him, or 
+he it, and looked as if he wouldn't bite - even a tartlet.
+
+One day when I had finished my task, and we were alone, I 
+bethought me of making some laughing gas, and trying the 
+effect of it on the gentle youth.  I offered him a shilling 
+for the experiment, which, however, proved more expensive 
+than I had bargained for.  I filled a bladder with the gas, 
+and putting a bit of broken pipe-stem in its neck for a 
+mouthpiece, gave it to the boy to suck - and suck he did.  In 
+a few seconds his eyes dilated, his face became lividly 
+white, and I had some trouble to tear the intoxicating 
+bladder from his clutches.  The moment I had done so, the 
+true nature of the gutter-snipe exhibited itself.  He began 
+by cutting flip-flaps and turning windmills all round the 
+room; then, before I could stop him, swept an armful of 
+valuable apparatus from the tables, till the whole floor was 
+strewn with wreck and poisonous solutions.  The dismay of the 
+chemist when he returned may be more easily imagined than 
+described.
+
+Some years ago, there was a well-known band of amateur 
+musicians called the 'Wandering Minstrels.'  This band 
+originated in my rooms in Dean's Yard.  Its nucleus was 
+composed of the following members:  Seymour Egerton, 
+afterwards Lord Wilton, Sir Archibald Macdonald my brother-
+in-law, Fred Clay, Bertie Mitford (the present Lord Redesdale 
+- perhaps the finest amateur cornet and trumpet player of the 
+day), and Lord Gerald Fitzgerald.  Our concerts were given in 
+the Hanover Square Rooms, and we played for charities all 
+over the country.
+
+To turn from the musical art to the art - or science is it 
+called? - of self-defence, once so patronised by the highest 
+fashion, there was at this time a famous pugilistic battle - 
+the last of the old kind - fought between the English 
+champion, Tom Sayers, and the American champion, Heenan.  
+Bertie Mitford and I agreed to go and see it.
+
+The Wandering Minstrels had given a concert in the Hanover 
+Square Rooms.  The fight was to take place on the following 
+morning.  When the concert was over, Mitford and I went to 
+some public-house where the 'Ring' had assembled, and where 
+tickets were to be bought, and instructions received.  Fights 
+when gloves were not used, and which, especially in this 
+case, might end fatally, were of course illegal; and every 
+precaution had been taken by the police to prevent it.  A 
+special train was to leave London Bridge Station about 6 A.M.  
+We sat up all night in my room, and had to wait an hour in 
+the train before the men with their backers arrived.  As soon 
+as it was daylight, we saw mounted police galloping on the 
+roads adjacent to the line.  No one knew where the train 
+would pull up.  Ten minutes after it did so, a ring was 
+formed in a meadow close at hand.  The men stripped, and 
+tossed for places.  Heenan won the toss, and with it a 
+considerable advantage.  He was nearly a head taller than 
+Sayers, and the ground not being quite level, he chose the 
+higher side of the ring.  But this was by no means his only 
+'pull.'  Just as the men took their places the sun began to 
+rise.  It was in Heenan's back, and right in the other's 
+face.
+
+Heenan began the attack at once with scornful confidence; and 
+in a few minutes Sayers received a blow on the forehead above 
+his guard which sent him slithering under the ropes; his head 
+and neck, in fact, were outside the ring.  He lay perfectly 
+still, and in my ignorance, I thought he was done for.  Not a 
+bit of it.  He was merely reposing quietly till his seconds 
+put him on his legs.  He came up smiling, but not a jot the 
+worse.  But in the course of another round or two, down he 
+went again.  The fight was going all one way.  The Englishman 
+seemed to be completely at the mercy of the giant.  I was so 
+disgusted that I said to my companion:  'Come along, Bertie, 
+the game's up.  Sayers is good for nothing.'
+
+But now the luck changed.  The bull-dog tenacity and splendid 
+condition of Sayers were proof against these violent shocks.  
+The sun was out of his eyes, and there was not a mark of a 
+blow either on his face or his body.  His temper, his 
+presence of mind, his defence, and the rapidity of his 
+movements, were perfect.  The opening he had watched for came 
+at last.  He sprang off his legs, and with his whole weight 
+at close quarters, struck Heenan's cheek just under the eye.  
+It was like the kick of a cart-horse.  The shouts might have 
+been heard half-a-mile off.  Up till now, the betting called 
+after each round had come to 'ten to one on Heenan'; it fell 
+at once to evens.
+
+Heenan was completely staggered.  He stood for a minute as if 
+he did not know where he was or what had happened.  And then, 
+an unprecedented thing occurred.  While he thus stood, Sayers 
+put both hands behind his back, and coolly walked up to his 
+foe to inspect the damage he had inflicted.  I had hold of 
+the ropes in Heenan's corner, consequently could not see his 
+face without leaning over them.  When I did so, and before 
+time was called, one eye was completely closed.  What kind of 
+generosity prevented Sayers from closing the other during the 
+pause, is difficult to conjecture.  But his forbearance did 
+not make much difference.  Heenan became more fierce, Sayers 
+more daring.  The same tactics were repeated; and now, no 
+longer to the astonishment of the crowd, the same success 
+rewarded them.  Another sledge-hammer blow from the 
+Englishman closed the remaining eye.  The difference in the 
+condition of the two men must have been enormous, for in five 
+minutes Heenan was completely sightless.
+
+Sayers, however, had not escaped scot-free.  In countering 
+the last attack, Heenan had broken one of the bones of 
+Sayers' right arm.  Still the fight went on.  It was now a 
+brutal scene.  The blind man could not defend himself from 
+the other's terrible punishment.  His whole face was so 
+swollen and distorted, that not a feature was recognisable.  
+But he evidently had his design.  Each time Sayers struck him 
+and ducked, Heenan made a swoop with his long arms, and at 
+last he caught his enemy.  With gigantic force he got Sayers' 
+head down, and heedless of his captive's pounding, backed 
+step by step to the ring.  When there, he forced Sayers' neck 
+on to the rope, and, with all his weight, leant upon the 
+Englishman's shoulders.  In a few moments the face of the 
+strangled man was black, his tongue was forced out of his 
+mouth, and his eyes from their sockets.  His arms fell 
+powerless, and in a second or two more he would have been a 
+corpse.  With a wild yell the crowd rushed to the rescue.  
+Warning cries of 'The police!  The police!' mingled with the 
+shouts.  The ropes were cut, and a general scamper for the 
+waiting train ended this last of the greatest prize-fights.
+
+We two took it easily, and as the mob were scuttling away 
+from the police, we saw Sayers with his backers, who were 
+helping him to dress.  His arm seemed to hurt him a little, 
+but otherwise, for all the damage he had received, he might 
+have been playing at football or lawn tennis.
+
+We were quietly getting into a first-class carriage, when I 
+was seized by the shoulder and roughly spun out of the way.  
+Turning to resent the rudeness, I found myself face to face 
+with Heenan.  One of his seconds had pushed me on one side to 
+let the gladiator get in.  So completely blind was he, that 
+the friend had to place his foot upon the step.  And yet 
+neither man had won the fight.
+
+We still think - profess to think - the barbarism of the 
+'Iliad' the highest flight of epic poetry; if Homer had sung 
+this great battle, how glorious we should have thought it!  
+Beyond a doubt, man 'yet partially retains the 
+characteristics that adapted him to an antecedent state.'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLIII
+
+
+
+THROUGH the Cayley family, I became very intimate with their 
+near relatives the Worsleys of Hovingham, near York.  
+Hovingham has now become known to the musical world through 
+its festivals, annually held at the Hall under the patronage 
+of its late owner, Sir William Worsley.  It was in his 
+father's time that this fine place, with its delightful 
+family, was for many years a home to me.  Here I met the 
+Alisons, and at the kind invitation of Sir Archibald, paid 
+the great historian a visit at Possil, his seat in Scotland.  
+As men who had achieved scientific or literary distinction 
+inspired me with far greater awe than those of the highest 
+rank - of whom from my childhood I had seen abundance - 
+Alison's celebrity, his courteous manner, his oracular 
+speech, his voluminous works, and his voluminous dimensions, 
+filled me with too much diffidence and respect to admit of 
+any freedom of approach.  One listened to him, as he held 
+forth of an evening when surrounded by his family, with 
+reverential silence.  He had a strong Scotch accent; and, if 
+a wee bit prosy at times, it was sententious and polished 
+prose that he talked; he talked invariably like a book.  His 
+family were devoted to him; and I felt that no one who knew 
+him could help liking him.
+
+When Thackeray was giving readings from 'The Four Georges,' I 
+dined with Lady Grey and Landseer, and we three went to hear 
+him.  I had heard Dickens read 'The Trial of Bardell against 
+Pickwick,' and it was curious to compare the style of the two 
+great novelists.  With Thackeray, there was an entire absence 
+of either tone or colour.  Of course the historical nature of 
+his subject precluded the dramatic suggestion to be looked 
+for in the Pickwick trial, thus rendering comparison 
+inapposite.  Nevertheless one was bound to contrast them.  
+Thackeray's features were impassive, and his voice knew no 
+inflection.  But his elocution in other respects was perfect, 
+admirably distinct and impressive from its complete 
+obliteration of the reader.
+
+The selection was from the reign of George the Third; and no 
+part of it was more attentively listened to than his passing 
+allusion to himself.  'I came,' he says, 'from India as a 
+child, and our ship touched at an island on the way home, 
+where my black servant took me a long walk over rocks and 
+hills until we reached a garden, where we saw a man walking.  
+"That is he," said the black man, "that is Bonaparte!  He 
+eats three sheep every day, and all the little children he 
+can lay hands on!"'  One went to hear Thackeray, to see 
+Thackeray; and the child and the black man and the ogre were 
+there on the stage before one.  But so well did the lecturer 
+perform his part, that ten minutes later one had forgotten 
+him, and saw only George Selwyn and his friend Horace 
+Walpole, and Horace's friend, Miss Berry - whom by the way I 
+too knew and remember.  One saw the 'poor society ghastly in 
+its pleasures, its loves, its revelries,' and the redeeming 
+vision of 'her father's darling, the Princess Amelia, 
+pathetic for her beauty, her sweetness, her early death, and 
+for the extreme passionate tenderness with which her father 
+loved her.'  The story told, as Thackeray told it, was as 
+delightful to listen to as to read.
+
+Not so with Dickens.  He disappointed me.  He made no attempt 
+to represent the different characters by varied utterance; 
+but whenever something unusually comic was said, or about to 
+be said, he had a habit of turning his eyes up to the 
+ceiling; so that, knowing what was coming, one nervously 
+anticipated the upcast look, and for the moment lost the 
+illusion.  In both entertainments, the reader was naturally 
+the central point of interest.  But in the case of Dickens, 
+when curiosity was satisfied, he alone possessed one; 
+Pickwick and Mrs. Bardell were put out of court.
+
+Was it not Charles Lamb, or was it Hazlitt, that could not 
+bear to see Shakespeare upon the stage?  I agree with him.  I 
+have never seen a Falstaff that did not make me miserable.  
+He is even more impossible to impersonate than Hamlet.  A 
+player will spoil you the character of Hamlet, but he cannot 
+spoil his thoughts.  Depend upon it, we are fortunate not to 
+have seen Shakespeare in his ghost of Royal Denmark.
+
+In 1861 I married Lady Katharine Egerton, second daughter of 
+Lord Wilton, and we took up our abode in Warwick Square, 
+which, by the way, I had seen a few years before as a turnip 
+field.  My wife was an accomplished pianiste, so we had a 
+great deal of music, and saw much of the artist world.  I may 
+mention one artistic dinner amongst our early efforts at 
+housekeeping, which nearly ended with a catastrophe.
+
+Millais and Dicky Doyle were of the party; music was 
+represented by Joachim, Piatti, and Halle.  The late Lord and 
+Lady de Ros were also of the number.  Lady de Ros, who was a 
+daughter of the Duke of Richmond, had danced at the ball 
+given by her father at Brussels the night before Waterloo.  
+As Lord de Ros was then Governor of the Tower, it will be 
+understood that he was a veteran of some standing.  The great 
+musical trio were enchanting all ears with their faultless 
+performance, when the sweet and soul-stirring notes of the 
+Adagio were suddenly interrupted by a loud crash and a 
+shriek.  Old Lord de Ros was listening to the music on a sofa 
+at the further end of the room.  Over his head was a large 
+picture in a heavy frame.  What vibrations, what careless 
+hanging, what mischievous Ate or Discord was at the bottom of 
+it, who knows?  Down came the picture on the top of the poor 
+old General's head, and knocked him senseless on the floor.  
+He had to be carried upstairs and laid upon a bed.  Happily 
+he recovered without serious injury.  There were many 
+exclamations of regret, but the only one I remember was 
+Millais'.  All he said was:  'And it is a good picture too.'
+
+Sir Arthur Sullivan was one of our musical favourites.  My 
+wife had known him as a chorister boy in the Chapel Royal; 
+and to the end of his days we were on terms of the closest 
+intimacy and friendship.  Through him we made the 
+acquaintance of the Scott Russells.  Mr. Scott Russell was 
+the builder of the Crystal Palace.  He had a delightful 
+residence at Sydenham, the grounds of which adjoined those of 
+the Crystal Palace, and were beautifully laid out by his 
+friend Sir Joseph Paxton.  One of the daughters, Miss Rachel 
+Russell, was a pupil of Arthur Sullivan's.  She had great 
+musical talent, she was remarkably handsome, exceedingly 
+clever and well-informed, and altogether exceptionally 
+fascinating.  Quite apart from Sullivan's genius, he was in 
+every way a charming fellow.  The teacher fell in love with 
+the pupil; and, as naturally, his love was returned.  
+Sullivan was but a youth, a poor and struggling music-master.  
+And, very naturally again, Mrs. Scott Russell, who could not 
+be expected to know what magic baton the young maestro 
+carried in his knapsack, thought her brilliant daughter might 
+do better.  The music lessons were put a stop to, and 
+correspondence between the lovers was prohibited.
+
+Once a week or so, either the young lady or the young 
+gentleman would, quite unexpectedly, pay us a visit about tea 
+or luncheon time.  And, by the strangest coincidence, the 
+other would be sure to drop in while the one was there.  This 
+went on for a year or two.  But destiny forbade the banns.  
+In spite of the large fortune acquired by Mr. Scott Russell - 
+he was the builder of the 'Great Eastern' as well as the 
+Crystal Palace - ill-advised or unsuccessful ventures robbed 
+him of his well-earned wealth.  His beautiful place at 
+Sydenham had to be sold; and the marriage of Miss Rachel with 
+young Arthur Sullivan was abandoned.  She ultimately married 
+an Indian official.
+
+Her story may here be told to the end.  Some years later she 
+returned to England to bring her two children home for their 
+education, going back to India without them, as Indian 
+mothers have to do.  The day before she sailed, she called to 
+take leave of us in London.  She was terribly depressed, but 
+fought bravely with her trial.  She never broke down, but 
+shunted the subject, talking and laughing with flashes of her 
+old vivacity, about music, books, friends, and 'dear old 
+dirty London,' as she called it.  When she left, I opened the 
+street-door for her, and with both her hands in mine, bade 
+her 'Farewell.'  Then the tears fell, and her parting words 
+were:  'I am leaving England never to see it again.'  She was 
+seized with cholera the night she reached Bombay, and died 
+the following day.
+
+To return to her father, the eminent engineer.  He was 
+distinctly a man of genius, and what is called 'a character.'  
+He was always in the clouds - not in the vapour of his 
+engine-rooms, nor busy inventing machines for extracting 
+sunbeams from cucumbers, but musing on metaphysical problems 
+and abstract speculations about the universe generally.  In 
+other respects a perfectly simple-minded man.
+
+It was in his palmy days that he invited me to run down to 
+Sheerness with him, and go over the 'Great Eastern' before 
+she left with the Atlantic cable.  This was in 1865.  The 
+largest ship in the world, and the first Atlantic cable, were 
+both objects of the greatest interest.  The builder did not 
+know the captain - Anderson - nor did the captain know the 
+builder.  But clearly, each would be glad to meet the other.
+
+As the leviathan was to leave in a couple of days, everything 
+on board her was in the wildest confusion.  Russell could not 
+find anyone who could find the Captain; so he began poking 
+about with me, till we accidentally stumbled on the 
+Commander.  He merely said that he was come to take a parting 
+glance at his 'child,' which did not seem of much concern to 
+the over-busy captain.  He never mentioned his own name, but 
+introduced me as 'my friend Captain Cole.'  Now, in those 
+days, Captain Cole was well known as a distinguished naval 
+officer.  To Russell's absent and engineering mind, 'Coke' 
+had suggested 'Cole,' and 'Captain' was inseparable from the 
+latter.  It was a name to conjure with.  Captain Anderson 
+took off his cap, shook me warmly by the hand, expressed his 
+pleasure at making my acquaintance, and hoped I, and my 
+friend Mr. - ahem - would come into his cabin and have 
+luncheon, and then allow him to show me over his ship.  Scott 
+Russell was far too deeply absorbed in his surroundings to 
+note any peculiarity in this neglect of himself and marked 
+respect for 'Captain Cole.'  We made the round of the decks, 
+then explored the engine room.  Here the designer found 
+himself in an earthly paradise.  He button-holed the engineer 
+and inquired into every crank, and piston, and valve, and 
+every bolt, as it seemed to me, till the officer in charge 
+unconsciously began to ask opinions instead of offering 
+explanations.  By degrees the captain was equally astonished 
+at the visitor's knowledge, and when at last my friend asked 
+what had become of some fixture or other which he missed, 
+Captain Anderson turned to him and exclaimed, 'Why, you seem 
+to know more about the ship than I do.'
+
+'Well, so I ought,' says my friend, never for a moment 
+supposing that Anderson was in ignorance of his identity.
+
+'Indeed!  Who then are you, pray?'
+
+'Who?  Why, Scott Russell of course, the builder!'
+
+There was a hearty laugh over it all.  I managed to spare the 
+captain's feelings by preserving my incognito, and so ended a 
+pleasant day.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLIV
+
+
+
+IN November, 1862, my wife and I received an invitation to 
+spend a week at Compiegne with their Majesties the Emperor 
+and Empress of the French.  This was due to the circumstance 
+that my wife's father, Lord Wilton, as Commodore of the Royal 
+Yacht Squadron, had entertained the Emperor during his visit 
+to Cowes.
+
+We found an express train with the imperial carriages 
+awaiting the arrival of the English guests at the station du 
+Nord.  The only other English besides ourselves were Lord and 
+Lady Winchilsea with Lady Florence Paget, and Lord and Lady 
+Castlerosse, now Lord and Lady Kenmare.  These, however, had 
+preceded us, so that with the exception of M. Drouyn de 
+Lhuys, we had the saloon carriage to ourselves.
+
+The party was a very large one, including the Walewskis, the 
+Persignys, the Metternichs - he, the Austrian Ambassador - 
+Prince Henri VII. of Reuss, Prussian Ambassador, the Prince 
+de la Moskowa, son of Marshal Ney, and the Labedoyeres, 
+amongst the historical names.  Amongst those of art and 
+literature, of whom there were many, the only one whom I made 
+the acquaintance of was Octave Feuillet.  I happened to have 
+brought his 'Comedies et Proverbes' and another of his books 
+with me, never expecting to meet him; this so pleased him 
+that we became allies.  I was surprised to find that he could 
+not even read English, which I begged him to learn for the 
+sake of Shakespeare alone.
+
+We did not see their Majesties till dinner-time.  When the 
+guests were assembled, the women and the men were arranged 
+separately on opposite sides of the room.  The Emperor and 
+Empress then entered, each respectively welcoming those of 
+their own sex, shaking hands and saying some conventional 
+word in passing.  Me, he asked whether I had brought my guns, 
+and hoped we should have a good week's sport.  To each one a 
+word.  Every night during the week we sat down over a hundred 
+to dinner.  The Army was largely represented.  For the first 
+time I tasted here the national frog, which is neither fish 
+nor flesh.  The wine was, of course, supreme; but after every 
+dish a different wine was handed round.  The evening 
+entertainments were varied.  There was the theatre in the 
+Palace, and some of the best of the Paris artistes were 
+requisitioned for the occasion.  With them came Dejazet, then 
+nearly seventy, who had played before Buonaparte.
+
+Almost every night there was dancing.  Sometimes the Emperor 
+would walk through a quadrille, but as a rule he would retire 
+with one of his ministers, though only to a smaller boudoir 
+at the end of the suite, where a couple of whist-tables were 
+ready for the more sedate of the party.  Here one evening I 
+found Prince Metternich showing his Majesty a chess problem, 
+of which he was the proud inventor.  The Emperor asked 
+whether I was fond of chess.  I was very fond of chess, was 
+one of the regular HABITUES of St. George's Chess Club, and 
+had made a study of the game for years.  The Prince 
+challenged me to solve his problem in four moves.  It was not 
+a very profound one.  I had the hardihood to discover that 
+three, rather obvious moves, were sufficient.  But as I was 
+not Gil Blas, and the Prince was not the Archbishop of 
+Grenada, it did not much matter.  Like the famous prelate, 
+his Excellency proffered his felicitations, and doubtless 
+also wished me 'un peu plus de gout' with the addition of 'un 
+peu moins de perspicacite.'
+
+One of the evening performances was an exhibition of POSES-
+PLASTIQUES, the subjects being chosen from celebrated 
+pictures in the Louvre.  Theatrical costumiers, under the 
+command of a noted painter, were brought from Paris.  The 
+ladies of the court were carefully rehearsed, and the whole 
+thing was very perfectly and very beautifully done.  All the 
+English ladies were assigned parts.  But, as nearly all these 
+depended less upon the beauties of drapery than upon those of 
+nature, the English ladies were more than a little staggered 
+by the demands of the painter and of the - UNdressers.  To 
+the young and handsome Lady Castlerosse, then just married, 
+was allotted the figure of Diana.  But when informed that, in 
+accordance with the original, the drapery of one leg would 
+have to be looped up above the knee, her ladyship used very 
+firm language; and, though of course perfectly ladylike, 
+would, rendered into masculine terms, have signified that she 
+would 'see the painter d-d first.'  The celebrated 'Cruche 
+cassee' of Greuze, was represented by the reigning beauty, 
+the Marquise de Gallifet, with complete fidelity and success.
+
+There was one stage of the performance which neither I nor 
+Lord Castlerosse, both of us newly married, at all 
+appreciated.  This was the privileges of the Green-room, or 
+rather of the dressing-rooms.  The exhibition was given in 
+the ball-room.  On one side of this, until the night of the 
+performances, an enclosure was boarded off.  Within it, were 
+compartments in which the ladies dressed and - undressed.  At 
+this operation, as we young husbands discovered, certain 
+young gentlemen of the court were permitted to assist - I 
+think I am not mistaken in saying that his Majesty was of the 
+number.  What kind of assistance was offered or accepted, 
+Castlerosse and I, being on the wrong side of the boarding, 
+were not in a position to know.
+
+There was a door in the boarding, over which one expected to 
+see, 'No admittance except on business,' or perhaps, 'on 
+pleasure.'  At this door I rapped, and rapped again 
+impatiently.  It was opened, only as wide as her face, by the 
+empress.
+
+'What do you want, sir?' was the angry demand.
+
+'To see my wife, madame,' was the submissive reply.
+
+'You can't see her; she is rehearsing.'
+
+'But, madame, other gentlemen - '
+
+'Ah!  Mais, c'est un enfantillage!  Allez-vous-en.'
+
+And the door was slammed in my face.
+
+'Well,' thought I, 'the right woman is in the right place 
+there, at all events.'
+
+Another little incident at the performance itself also 
+recalled the days and manners of the court of Louis XV.  
+Between each tableau, which was lighted solely from the 
+raised stage, the lights were put out, and the whole room 
+left in complete darkness.  Whenever this happened, the 
+sounds of immoderate kissing broke out in all directions, 
+accompanied by little cries of resistance and protestation.  
+Until then, I had always been under the impression that 
+humour of this kind was confined to the servants' hall.  One 
+could not help thinking of another court, where things were 
+managed differently.
+
+But the truth is, these trivial episodes were symptomatic of 
+a pervading tone.  A no inconsiderable portion of the ladies 
+seemed to an outsider to have been invited for the sake of 
+their personal charms.  After what has just been related, one 
+could not help fancying that there were some amongst them who 
+had availed themselves of the privilege which, according to 
+Tacitus, was claimed by Vistilia before the AEdiles.  So far, 
+however, from any of these noble ladies being banished to the 
+Isle of Seriphos, they seemed as much attached to the court 
+as the court to them; and whatever the Roman Emperor might 
+have done, the Emperor of the French was all that was most 
+indulgent.
+
+There were two days' shooting, one day's stag hunting, an 
+expedition to Pierrefonds, and a couple of days spent in 
+riding and skating.  The shooting was very much after the 
+fashion of that already described at Prince Esterhazy's, 
+though of a much more Imperial character.  As in Hungary, the 
+game had been driven into coverts cut down to the height of 
+the waist, with paths thirty to forty yards apart, for the 
+guns.
+
+The weather was cold, with snow on the ground, but it was a 
+beautifully sunny day.  This was the party:  the two 
+ambassadors, the Prince de la Moskowa, Persigny, Walewski - 
+Bonaparte's natural son, and the image of his father - the 
+Marquis de Toulongeon, Master of the Horse, and we three 
+Englishmen.  We met punctually at eleven in the grand saloon.  
+Here the Emperor joined us, with his cigarette in his mouth, 
+shook hands with each, and bade us take our places in the 
+char-a-bancs.  Four splendid Normandy greys, with postilions 
+in the picturesque old costume, glazed hats and huge jack-
+boots, took us through the forest at full gallop, and in half 
+an hour we were at the covert side.  The Emperor was very 
+cheery all the way.  He cautioned me not to shoot back for 
+the beaters' sakes, and asked me how many guns I had brought.
+
+'Two only? that's not enough, I will lend you some of mine.'
+
+Arrived at our beat - 'Tire de Royallieu,' we found a 
+squadron of dismounted cavalry drawn up in line, ready to 
+commence operations.  They were in stable dress, with canvas 
+trousers and spurs to their boots.  Several officers were 
+galloping about giving orders, the whole being under the 
+command of a mounted chief in green uniform and cocked hat!  
+The place of each shooter had been settled by M. de 
+Toulongeon.  I, being the only Nobody of the lot, was put on 
+the extreme outside.  The Emperor was in the middle; and 
+although, as I noticed, he made some beautiful shots at 
+rocketers, he was engaged much of the time in talking to 
+ministers who walked behind, or beside, him.
+
+Our servants were already in the places allotted to their 
+masters, and each of us had two keepers to carry spare guns 
+(the Emperor had not forgotten to send me two of his, which I 
+could not shoot with, and never used), and a sergeant with a 
+large card to prick off each head of game, not as it fell to 
+the gun, but only after it was picked up.  This conscientious 
+scoring amused me greatly; for, as it chanced, my bag was a 
+heavy one, and the Emperor's marker sent constant messages to 
+mine to compare notes, and so arrange, as it transpired, to 
+keep His Majesty at the top of the score.
+
+About half-past one we reached a clearing where DEJEUNER was 
+awaiting us.  The scene presented was striking.  Around a 
+tent in which every delicacy was spread out were numbers of 
+little charcoal fires, where a still greater number of cooks 
+in white caps and jackets were preparing dainty dishes; while 
+the Imperial footmen bustling about brightened the picture 
+with colour.  After coffee all the cards were brought to his 
+Majesty.  When he had scanned them, he said to me across the 
+table:
+
+'I congratulate you, Mr. Coke, upon having killed the most.'
+
+My answer was, 'After you, Sir.'
+
+'Yes,' said he, giving his moustache an upward twist, but 
+with perfect gravity, 'I always kill the most.'
+
+Just then the Empress and the whole court drove up.  
+Presently she came into the tent and, addressing her husband, 
+exclaimed:
+
+'Avez-vous bientot fini, vous autres?  Ah! que vous etes des 
+gourmands!'
+
+Till the finish, she and the rest walked with the shooters.  
+By four it was over.  The total score was 1,387 head.  Mine 
+was 182, which included thirty-six partridges, two woodcocks, 
+and four roedeer.  This, in three and a half hours' shooting, 
+with two muzzle-loaders (breech-loaders were not then in 
+use), was an unusually good bag.
+
+Fashion is capricious.  When lunch was over I went to one of 
+the charcoal fires, quite in the background, to light a 
+cigarette.  An aide-de-camp immediately pounced upon me, with 
+the information that this was not permitted in company with 
+the Empress.  It reminded one at once of the ejaculation at 
+Oliver Twist's bedside, 'Ladies is present, Mr. Giles.'  
+After the shooting, I was told to go to tea with the Empress 
+- a terrible ordeal, for one had to face the entire feminine 
+force of the palace, nearly every one of whom, from the 
+highest to the lowest, was provided with her own CAVALIERE 
+SERVENTE.
+
+The following night, when we assembled for dinner, I received 
+orders to sit next to the Empress.  This was still more 
+embarrassing.  It is true, one does not speak to a sovereign 
+unless one is spoken to; but still one is permitted to make 
+the initiative easy.  I found that I was expected to take my 
+share of the task; and by a happy inspiration, introduced the 
+subject of the Prince Imperial, then a child of eight years 
+old.  The MONDAINE Empress was at once merged in the adoring 
+mother; her whole soul was wrapped up in the boy.  It was 
+easy enough then to speculate on his career, at least so far 
+as the building of castles in the air for fantasies to roam 
+in.  What a future he had before him! - to consolidate the 
+Empire! to perfect the great achievement of his father, and 
+render permanent the foundation of the Napoleonic dynasty! to 
+build a superstructure as transcendent for the glories of 
+Peace, as those of his immortal ancestor had been for War!
+
+It was not difficult to play the game with such court cards 
+in one's hand.  Nor was it easy to coin these PHRASES DE 
+SUCRECANDI without sober and earnest reflections on the 
+import of their contents.  What, indeed, might or might not 
+be the consequences to millions, of the wise or unwise or 
+evil development of the life of that bright and handsome 
+little fellow, now trotting around the dessert table, with 
+the long curls tumbling over his velvet jacket, and the 
+flowers in his hand for some pretty lady who was privileged 
+to kiss him?  Who could foretell the cruel doom - heedless of 
+such favours and such splendid promises - that awaited the 
+pretty child?  Who could hear the brave young soldier's last 
+shrieks of solitary agony?  Who could see the forsaken body 
+slashed with knives and assegais?  Ah! who could dream of 
+that fond mother's heart, when the end came, which eclipsed 
+even the disasters of a nation!
+
+One by-day, when my wife and I were riding with the Emperor 
+through the forest of Compiegne, a rough-looking man in a 
+blouse, with a red comforter round his neck, sprang out from 
+behind a tree; and before he could be stopped, seized the 
+Emperor's bridle.  In an instant the Emperor struck his hand 
+with a heavy hunting stock; and being free, touched his horse 
+with the spur and cantered on.  I took particular notice of 
+his features and his demeanour, from the very first moment of 
+the surprise.  Nothing happened but what I have described.  
+The man seemed fierce and reckless.  The Emperor showed not 
+the faintest signs of discomposure.  All he said was, turning 
+to my wife, 'Comme il avait l'air sournois, cet homme!' and 
+resumed the conversation at the point where it was 
+interrupted.
+
+Before we had gone a hundred yards I looked back to see what 
+had become of the offender.  He was in the hands of two GENS 
+D'ARMES, who had been invisible till then.
+
+'Poor devil,' thought I, 'this spells dungeon for you.'
+
+Now, with Kinglake's acrimonious charge of the Emperor's 
+personal cowardice running in my head, I felt that this 
+exhibition of SANG FROID, when taken completely unawares, 
+went far to refute the imputation.  What happened later in 
+the day strongly confirmed this opinion.
+
+After dark, about six o'clock, I took a stroll by myself 
+through the town of Compiegne.  Coming home, when crossing 
+the bridge below the Palace, I met the Emperor arm-in-arm 
+with Walewski.  Not ten minutes afterwards, whom should I 
+stumble upon but the ruffian who had seized the Emperor's 
+bridle?  The same red comforter was round his neck, the same 
+wild look was in his face.  I turned after he had passed, and 
+at the same moment he turned to look at me.
+
+Would this man have been at large but for the Emperor's 
+orders?  Assuredly not.  For, supposing he were crazy, who 
+could have answered for his deeds?  Most likely he was 
+shadowed; and to a certainty the Emperor would be so.  Still, 
+what could save the latter from a pistol-shot?  Yet, here he 
+was, sauntering about the badly lighted streets of a town 
+where his kenspeckle figure was familiar to every inhabitant.  
+Call this fatalism if you will; but these were not the acts 
+of a coward.  I told this story to a friend who was well 
+'posted' in the club gossip of the day.  He laughed.
+
+'Don't you know the meaning of Kinglake's spite against the 
+Emperor?' said he.  'CHERCHEZ LA FEMME.  Both of them were in 
+love with Mrs. - '
+
+This is the way we write our histories.
+
+Wishing to explore the grounds about the palace before anyone 
+was astir, I went out one morning about half-past eight.  
+Seeing what I took to be a mausoleum, I walked up to it, 
+found the door opened, and peeped in.  It turned out to be a 
+museum of Roman antiquities, and the Emperor was inside, 
+arranging them.  I immediately withdrew, but he called to me 
+to come in.
+
+He was at this time busy with his Life of Caesar; and, in his 
+enthusiasm, seemed pleased to have a listener to his 
+instructive explanations; he even encouraged the curiosity 
+which the valuable collection and his own remarks could not 
+fail to awaken.
+
+Not long ago, I saw some correspondence in the Times' and 
+other papers about what Heine calls 'Das kleine 
+welthistorische Hutchen,' which the whole of Europe knew so 
+well, to its cost.  Some six or seven of the Buonaparte hats, 
+so it appears, are still in existence.  But I noticed, that 
+though all were located, no mention was made of the one in 
+the Luxembourg.
+
+When we left Compiegne for Paris we were magnificently 
+furnished with orders for royal boxes at theatres, and for 
+admission to places of interest not open to the public.  Thus 
+provided, we had access to many objects of historical 
+interest and of art - amongst the former, the relics of the 
+great conqueror.  In one glass case, under lock and key, was 
+the 'world-historical little hat.'  The official who 
+accompanied us, having stated that we were the Emperor's 
+guests, requested the keeper to take it out and show it to 
+us.  I hope no Frenchman will know it, but, I put the hat 
+upon my head.  In one sense it was a 'little' hat - that is 
+to say, it fitted a man with a moderate sized skull - but the 
+flaps were much larger than pictures would lead one to think, 
+and such was the weight that I am sure it would give any 
+ordinary man accustomed to our head-gear a still neck to wear 
+it for an hour.  What has become of this hat if it is not 
+still in the Luxembourg?
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLV
+
+
+
+SOME few years later, while travelling with my family in 
+Switzerland, we happened to be staying at Baveno on Lago 
+Maggiore at the same time, and in the same hotel, as the 
+Crown Prince and Princess of Germany.  Their Imperial 
+Highnesses occupied a suite of apartments on the first floor.  
+Our rooms were immediately above them.  As my wife was known 
+to the Princess, occasional greetings passed from balcony to 
+balcony.
+
+One evening while watching two lads rowing from the shore in 
+the direction of Isola Bella, I was aroused from my 
+contemplation of a gathering storm by angry vociferations 
+beneath me.  These were addressed to the youths in the boat.  
+The anxious father had noted the coming tempest; and, with 
+hands to his mouth, was shouting orders to the young 
+gentlemen to return.  Loud and angry as cracked the thunder, 
+the imperial voice o'ertopped it.  Commands succeeded 
+admonitions, and as the only effect on the rowers was obvious 
+recalcitrancy, oaths succeeded both:  all in those throat-
+clearing tones to which the German language so consonantly 
+lends itself.  In a few minutes the boat was immersed in the 
+down-pour which concealed it.
+
+The elder of the two oarsmen was no other than the future 
+firebrand peacemaker, Miching Mallecho, our fierce little 
+Tartarin de Berlin.  One wondered how he, who would not be 
+ruled, would come in turn to rule?  That question is a 
+burning one; and may yet set the world in flames to solve it.
+
+A comic little incident happened here to my own children.  
+There was but one bathing-machine.  This, the two - a 
+schoolboy and his sister - used in the early morning.  Being 
+rather late one day, they found it engaged; and growing 
+impatient the boy banged at the door of the machine, with a 
+shout in schoolboy's vernacular:  'Come, hurry up; we want to 
+dip.'  Much to the surprise of the guilty pair, an answer, 
+also in the best of English, came from the inside:  'Go away, 
+you naughty boy.'  The occupant was the Imperial Princess.  
+Needless to say the children bolted with a mingled sense of 
+mischief and alarm.
+
+About this time I joined a society for the relief of 
+distress, of which Bromley Davenport was the nominal leader.  
+The 'managing director,' so to speak, was Dr. Gilbert, father 
+of Mr. W. S. Gilbert.  To him I went for instructions.  I 
+told him I wanted to see the worst.  He accordingly sent me 
+to Bethnal Green.  For two winters and part of a third I 
+visited this district twice a week regularly.  What I saw in 
+the course of those two years was matter for a thoughtful - 
+ay, or a thoughtless - man to think of for the rest of his 
+days.
+
+My system was to call first upon the clergyman of the parish, 
+and obtain from him a guide to the severest cases of 
+destitution.  The guide would be a Scripture reader, and, as 
+far as I remember, always a woman.  I do not know whether the 
+labours of these good creatures were gratuitous - they 
+themselves were certainly poor, yet singularly earnest and 
+sympathetic.  The society supplied tickets for coal, 
+blankets, and food.  Needless to say, had these supplies been 
+a thousand-fold as great, they would have done as little 
+permanent good as those at my command.
+
+In Bethnal Green the principal industry is, or was, silk-
+weaving by hand looms.  Nearly all the houses were ancient 
+and dilapidated.  A weaver and his family would occupy part 
+of a flat, consisting of two rooms perhaps, one of which 
+would contain his loom.  The room might be about seven feet 
+high, nearly dark, lighted only by a lattice window, half of 
+the panes of which would be replaced by dirty rags or old 
+newspaper.  As the loom was placed against the window the 
+light was practically excluded.  The foulness of the air and 
+filth which this entailed may be too easily imagined.  A 
+couple of cases, taken almost at random, will sample scores 
+as bad.
+
+It is one of the darkest days of December.  The Thames is 
+nearly frozen at Waterloo Bridge.  On the second floor of an 
+old house in - Lane, in an unusually spacious room (or does 
+it only look spacious because there is nothing in it save 
+four human beings?) are a father, a mother, and a grown-up 
+son and daughter.  They scowl at the visitor as the Scripture 
+reader opens the door.  What is the meaning of the intrusion?  
+Is he too come with a Bible instead of bread?  The four are 
+seated side by side on the floor, leaning against the wall, 
+waiting for - death.  Bedsteads, chairs, table, and looms 
+have been burnt this week or more for fuel.  The grate is 
+empty now, and lets the freezing draught blow down the 
+chimney.  The temporary relief is accepted, but not with 
+thanks.  These four stubbornly prefer death to the work-
+house.
+
+One other case.  It is the same hard winter.  The scene:  a 
+small garret in the roof, a low slanting little skylight, now 
+covered six inches deep in snow.  No fireplace here, no 
+ventilation, so put your scented cambric to your nose, my 
+noble Dives.  The only furniture a scanty armful of - what 
+shall we call it?  It was straw once.  A starving woman and a 
+baby are lying on it, notwithstanding.  The baby surely will 
+not be there to-morrow.  It has a very bad cold - and the 
+mucus, and the - pah!  The woman in a few rags - just a few - 
+is gnawing a raw carrot.  The picture is complete.  There's 
+nothing more to paint.  The rest - the whole indeed, that is 
+the consciousness of it - was, and remains, with the Unseen.
+
+You will say, 'Such things cannot be'; you will say, 'There 
+are relieving officers, whose duty, etc., etc.'  May be.  I 
+am only telling you what I myself have seen.  There is more 
+goes on in big cities than even relieving officers can cope 
+with.  And who shall grapple with the causes?  That's the 
+point.
+
+Here is something else that I have seen.  I have seen a 
+family of six in one room.  Of these, four were brothers and 
+sisters, all within, none over, their teens.  There were 
+three beds between the six.  When I came upon them they were 
+out of work, - the young ones in bed to keep warm.  I took 
+them for very young married couples.  It was the Scripture 
+reader who undeceived me.  This is not the exception to the 
+rule, look you, but the rule itself.  How will you deal with 
+it?  It is with Nature, immoral Nature and her heedless 
+instincts that you have to deal.  With what kind of fork will 
+you expel her?  It is with Nature's wretched children, the 
+BETES HUMAINES,
+
+
+Quos venerem incertam rapientes more ferarum,
+
+
+that your account lies.  Will they cease to listen to her 
+maddening whispers:  'Unissez-vous, multipliez, il n'est 
+d'autre loi, d'autre but, que l'amour?'  What care they for 
+her aside - 'Et durez apres, si vous le pouvez; cela ne me 
+regarde plus'?  It doesn't regard them either.
+
+The infallible panacea, so the 'Progressive' tell us, is 
+education - lessons on the piano, perhaps?  Doctor Malthus 
+would be more to the purpose; but how shall we administer his 
+prescriptions?  One thing we might try to teach to advantage, 
+and that is the elementary principles of hygiene.  I am heart 
+and soul with the Progressive as to the ultimate remedial 
+powers of education.  Moral advancement depends absolutely on 
+the humanising influences of intellectual advancement.  The 
+foreseeing of consequences is a question of intelligence.  
+And the appreciation of consequences which follow is the 
+basis of morality.  But we must not begin at the wrong end.  
+The true foundation and condition of intellectual and moral 
+progress postulates material and physical improvement.  The 
+growth of artificial wants is as much the cause as the effect 
+of civilisation:  they proceed PARI PASSU.  A taste of 
+comfort begets a love of comfort.  And this kind of love 
+militates, not impotently, against the other; for self-
+interest is a persuasive counsellor, and gets a hearing when 
+the blood is cool.  Life must be more than possible, it must 
+be endurable; man must have some leisure, some repose, before 
+his brain-needs have a chance with those of his belly.  He 
+must have a coat to his back before he can stick a rose in 
+its button-hole.  The worst of it is, he begins - in Bethnal 
+Green at least - with the rose-bud; and indulges, poor devil! 
+in a luxury which is just the most expensive, and - in our 
+Bethnal Greens - the most suicidal he could resort to.
+
+There was one method I adopted with a show of temporary 
+success now and then.  It frequently happens that a man 
+succumbs to difficulties for which he is not responsible, and 
+which timely aid may enable him to overcome.  An artisan may 
+have to pawn or sell the tools by which he earns his living.  
+The redemption of these, if the man is good for anything, 
+will often set him on his legs.  Thus, for example, I found a 
+cobbler one day surrounded by a starving family.  His story 
+was common enough, severe illness being the burden of it.  He 
+was an intelligent little fellow, and, as far as one could 
+judge, full of good intentions.  His wife seemed devoted to 
+him, and this was the best of vouchers.  'If he had but a 
+shilling or two to redeem his tools, and buy two or three old 
+cast-off shoes in the rag-market which he could patch up and 
+sell, he wouldn't ask anyone for a copper.'
+
+We went together to the pawnbroker's, then to the rag-market, 
+and the little man trotted home with an armful of old boots 
+and shoes, some without soles, some without uppers; all, as I 
+should have thought, picked out of dust-bins and rubbish 
+heaps, his sunken eyes sparkling with eagerness and renovated 
+hope.  I looked in upon him about three weeks later.  The 
+family were sitting round a well provided tea-table, close to 
+a glowing fire, the cheeks of the children smeared with jam, 
+and the little cobbler hammering away at his last, too busy 
+to partake of the bowl of hot tea which his wife had placed 
+beside him.
+
+The same sort of treatment was sometimes very successful with 
+a skilful workman - like a carpenter, for instance.  Here a 
+double purpose might be served.  Nothing more common in 
+Bethnal Green than broken looms, and consequent disaster.  
+There you had the ready-made job for the reinstated 
+carpenter; and good could be done in a small way, at very 
+little cost.  Of coarse much discretion is needed; still, the 
+Scripture readers or the relieving officers would know the 
+characters of the destitute, and the visitor himself would 
+soon learn to discriminate.
+
+A system similar to this was the basis of the aid rendered by 
+the Royal Society for the Assistance of Discharged Prisoners, 
+which was started by my friend, Mr. Whitbread, the present 
+owner of Southill, and which I joined in its early days at 
+his instigation.  The earnings of the prisoner were handed 
+over by the gaols to the Society, and the Society employed 
+them for his advantage - always, in the case of an artisan, 
+by supplying him with the needful implements of his trade.  
+But relief in which the pauper has no productive share, of 
+which he is but a mere consumer, is of no avail.
+
+One cannot but think that if instead of the selfish 
+principles which govern our trades-unions, and which are 
+driving their industries out of the country, trade-schools 
+could be provided - such, for instance, as the cheap carving 
+schools to be met with in many parts of Germany and the Tyrol 
+- much might be done to help the bread-earners.  Why could 
+not schools be organised for the instruction of shoemakers, 
+tailors, carpenters, smiths of all kinds, and the scores of 
+other trades which in former days were learnt by compulsory 
+apprenticeship?  Under our present system of education the 
+greater part of what the poor man's children learn is clean 
+forgotten in a few years; and if not, serves mainly to create 
+and foster discontent, which vents itself in a passion for 
+mass-meetings and the fuliginous oratory of our Hyde Parks.
+
+The emigration scheme for poor-law children as advocated by 
+Mrs. Close is the most promising, in its way, yet brought 
+before the public, and is deserving of every support.
+
+In the absence of any such projects as these, the 
+hopelessness of the task, and the depressing effect of the 
+contact with much wretchedness, wore me out.  I had a nursery 
+of my own, and was not justified in risking infectious 
+diseases.  A saint would have been more heroic, and could 
+besides have promised that sweetest of consolations to 
+suffering millions - the compensation of Eternal Happiness.  
+I could not give them even hope, for I had none to spare.  
+The root-evil I felt to be the overcrowding due to the 
+reckless intercourse of the sexes; and what had Providence to 
+do with a law of Nature, obedience to which entailed 
+unspeakable misery?
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLVI
+
+
+
+IN the autumn following the end of the Franco-German war, Dr. 
+Bird and I visited all the principal battlefields.  In 
+England the impression was that the bloodiest battle was 
+fought at Gravelotte.  The error was due, I believe, to our 
+having no war correspondent on the spot.  Compared with that 
+on the plains between St. Marie and St. Privat, Gravelotte 
+was but a cavalry skirmish.  We were fortunate enough to meet 
+a German artillery officer at St. Marie who had been in the 
+action, and who kindly explained the distribution of the 
+forces.  Large square mounds were scattered about the plain 
+where the German dead were buried, little wooden crosses 
+being stuck into them to denote the regiment they had 
+belonged to.  At Gravelotte we saw the dogs unearthing the 
+bodies from the shallow graves.  The officer told us he did 
+not think there was a family in Germany unrepresented in the 
+plains of St. Privat.
+
+It was interesting so soon after the event, to sit quietly in 
+the little summer-house of the Chateau de Bellevue, 
+commanding a view of Sedan, where Bismarck and Moltke and 
+General de Wimpfen held their memorable Council.  'Un 
+terrible homme,' says the story of the 'Debacle,' 'ce general 
+de Moltke, qui gagnait des batailles du fond de son cabinet a 
+coups d'algebre.'
+
+We afterwards made a walking tour through the Tyrol, and down 
+to Venice.  On our way home, while staying at Lucerne, we 
+went up the Rigi.  Soon after leaving the Kulm, on our 
+descent to the railway, which was then uncompleted, we lost 
+each other in the mist.  I did not get to Vitznau till late 
+at night, but luckily found a steamer just starting for 
+Lucerne.  The cabin was crammed with German students, each 
+one smoking his pipe and roaring choruses to alternate 
+singers.  All of a sudden, those who were on their legs were 
+knocked off them.  The panic was instantaneous, for every one 
+of us knew it was a collision.  But the immediate peril was 
+in the rush for the deck.  Violent with terror, rough by 
+nature, and full of beer, these wild young savages were 
+formidable to themselves and others.  Having arrived late, I 
+had not got further than the cabin door, and was up the 
+companion ladder at a bound.  It was pitch dark, and piteous 
+screams came up from the surrounding waters.  At first it was 
+impossible to guess what had happened.  Were we rammed, or 
+were we rammers?  I pulled off my coats ready for a swim.  
+But it soon became apparent that we had run into and sunk 
+another boat.
+
+The next morning the doctor and I went on to England.  A week 
+after I took up the 'Illustrated News.'  There was an account 
+of the accident, with an illustration of the cabin of the 
+sunken boat.  The bodies of passengers were depicted as the 
+divers had found them.
+
+On the very day the peace was signed I chanced to call on Sir 
+Anthony Rothschild in New Court.  He took me across the court 
+to see his brother Lionel, the head of the firm.  Sir Anthony 
+bowed before him as though the great man were Plutus himself.   
+He sat at a table alone, not in his own room, but in the 
+immense counting-room, surrounded by a brigade of clerks.  
+This was my first introduction to him.  He took no notice of 
+his brother, but received me as Napoleon received the 
+emperors and kings at Erfurt - in other words, as he would 
+have received his slippers from his valet, or as he did 
+receive the telegrams which were handed to him at the rate of 
+about one a minute.
+
+The King of Kings was in difficulties with a little slip of 
+black sticking-plaster.  The thought of Gumpelino's 
+Hyacinthos, ALIAS Hirsch, flashed upon me.  Behold! the 
+mighty Baron Nathan come to life again; but instead of 
+Hyacinthos paring his mightiness's HUHNERAUGEN, he himself, 
+in paring his own nails, had contrived to cut his finger.
+
+'Come to buy Spanish?' he asked, with eyes intent upon the 
+sticking-plaster.
+
+'Oh no,' said I, 'I've no money to gamble with.'
+
+'Hasn't Lord Leicester bought Spanish?' - never looking off 
+the sticking-plaster, nor taking the smallest notice of the 
+telegrams.
+
+'Not that I know of.  Are they good things?'
+
+'I don't know; some people think so.'
+
+Here a message was handed in, and something was whispered in 
+his ear.
+
+'Very well, put it down.'
+
+'From Paris,' said Sir Anthony, guessing perhaps at its 
+contents.
+
+But not until the plaster was comfortably adjusted did Plutus 
+read the message.  He smiled and pushed it over to me.  It 
+was the terms of peace, and the German bill of costs.
+
+'200,000,000 pounds!' I exclaimed.  'That's a heavy 
+reckoning.  Will France ever be able to pay it?'
+
+'Pay it?  Yes.  If it had been twice as much!'  And Plutus 
+returned to his sticking-plaster.  That was of real 
+importance.
+
+Last autumn - 1904, the literary world was not a little 
+gratified by an announcement in the 'Times' that the British 
+Museum had obtained possession of the original manuscript of 
+Keats's 'Hyperion.'  Let me tell the story of its discovery.  
+During the summer of last year, my friend Miss Alice Bird, 
+who was paying me a visit at Longford, gave me this account 
+of it.
+
+When Leigh Hunt's memoirs were being edited by his son 
+Thornton in 1861, he engaged the services of three intimate 
+friends of the family to read and collate the enormous mass 
+of his father's correspondence.  Miss Alice Bird was one of 
+the chosen three.  The arduous task completed, Thornton Hunt 
+presented each of his three friends with a number of 
+autographic letters, which, according to Miss Bird's 
+description, he took almost at random from the eliminated 
+pile.  Amongst the lot that fell to Miss Bird's share was a 
+roll of stained paper tied up with tape.  This she was led to 
+suppose - she never carefully examined it - might be either a 
+copy or a draft of some friend's unpublished poem.
+
+The unknown treasure was put away in a drawer with the rest.  
+Here it remained undisturbed for forty-three years.  Having 
+now occasion to remove these papers, she opened the forgotten 
+scroll, and was at once struck both with the words of the 
+'Hyperion,' and with the resemblance of the writing to 
+Keats's.
+
+She forthwith consulted the Keepers of the Manuscripts in the 
+British Museum, with the result that her TROUVAILLE was 
+immediately identified as the poet's own draft of the 
+'Hyperion.'  The responsible authorities soon after, offered 
+the fortunate possessor five hundred guineas for the 
+manuscript, but courteously and honestly informed her that, 
+were it put up to auction, some American collector would be 
+almost sure to give a much larger sum for it.
+
+Miss Bird's patriotism prevailed over every other 
+consideration.  She expressed her wish that the poem should 
+be retained in England; and generously accepted what was 
+indubitably less than its market value.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLVII
+
+
+
+A MAN whom I had known from my school-days, Frederick 
+Thistlethwayte, coming into a huge fortune when a subaltern 
+in a marching regiment, had impulsively married a certain 
+Miss Laura Bell.  In her early days, when she made her first 
+appearance in London and in Paris, Laura Bell's extraordinary 
+beauty was as much admired by painters as by men of the 
+world.  Amongst her reputed lovers were Dhuleep Singh, the 
+famous Marquis of Hertford, and Prince Louis Napoleon.  She 
+was the daughter of an Irish constable, and began life on the 
+stage at Dublin.  Her Irish wit and sparkling merriment, her 
+cajolery, her good nature and her feminine artifice, were 
+attractions which, in the eyes of the male sex, fully atoned 
+for her youthful indiscretions.
+
+My intimacy with both Mr. and Mrs. Thistlethwayte extended 
+over many years; and it is but justice to her memory to aver 
+that, to the best of my belief, no wife was ever more 
+faithful to her husband.  I speak of the Thistlethwaytes here 
+for two reasons - absolutely unconnected in themselves, yet 
+both interesting in their own way.  The first is, that at my 
+friend's house in Grosvenor Square I used frequently to meet 
+Mr. Gladstone, sometimes alone, sometimes at dinner.  As may 
+be supposed, the dinner parties were of men, but mostly of 
+men eminent in public life.  The last time I met Mr. 
+Gladstone there the Duke of Devonshire and Sir W. Harcourt 
+were both present.  I once dined with Mrs. Thistlethwayte in 
+the absence of her husband, when the only others were Munro 
+of Novar - the friend of Turner, and the envied possessor of 
+a splendid gallery of his pictures - and the Duke of 
+Newcastle - then a Cabinet Minister.  Such were the 
+notabilities whom the famous beauty gathered about her.
+
+But it is of Mr. Gladstone that I would say a word.  The 
+fascination which he exercised over most of those who came 
+into contact with him is incontestable; and everyone is 
+entitled to his own opinion, even though unable to account 
+for it.  This, at least, must be my plea, for to me, Mr. 
+Gladstone was more or less a Dr. Fell.  Neither in his public 
+nor in his private capacity had I any liking for him.  Nobody 
+cares a button for what a 'man in the street' like me says or 
+thinks on subject matters upon which they have made up their 
+minds.  I should not venture, even as one of the crowd, to 
+deprecate a popularity which I believe to be fast passing 
+away, were it not that better judges and wiser men think as I 
+do, and have represented opinions which I sincerely share.  
+'He was born,' says Huxley, 'to be a leader of men, and he 
+has debased himself to be a follower of the masses.  If 
+working men were to-day to vote by a majority that two and 
+two made five, to-morrow Gladstone would believe it, and find 
+them reasons for it which they had never dreamt of.'  Could 
+any words be truer?  Yes; he was not born to be a leader of 
+men.  He was born to be, what he was - a misleader of men.  
+Huxley says he could be made to believe that two and two made 
+five.  He would try to make others believe it; but would he 
+himself believe it?  His friends will plead, 'he might 
+deceive himself by the excessive subtlety of his mind.'  This 
+is the charitable view to take.  But some who knew him long 
+and well put another construction upon this facile self-
+deception.  There were, and are, honourable men of the 
+highest standing who failed to ascribe disinterested motives 
+to the man who suddenly and secretly betrayed his colleagues, 
+his party, and his closest friends, and tried to break up the 
+Empire to satisfy an inordinate ambition, and an insatiable 
+craving for power.  'He might have been mistaken, but he 
+acted for the best'?   Was he acting conscientiously for the 
+best in persuading the 'masses' to look upon the 'classes' - 
+the war cries are of his coining - as their natural enemies, 
+and worthy only of their envy and hatred?  Is this the part 
+of a statesman, of a patriot?
+
+And for what else shall we admire Mr. Gladstone?  Walter 
+Bagehot, alluding to his egotism, wrote of him in his 
+lifetime, 'He longs to pour forth his own belief; he cannot 
+rest till he has contradicted everyone else.'  And what was 
+that belief worth?  'He has scarcely,' says the same writer, 
+'given us a sentence that lives in the memory.'
+
+Even his eloquent advocate, Mr. Morley, confesses surprise at 
+his indifference to the teaching of evolution; in other 
+words, his ignorance of, and disbelief in, a scientific 
+theory of nature which has modified the theological and moral 
+creeds of the civilised world more profoundly than did the 
+Copernican system of the Universe.
+
+The truth is, Mr. Gladstone was half a century behind the age 
+in everything that most deeply concerned the destiny of man.  
+He was a politician, and nothing but a politician; and had it 
+not been for his extraordinary gift of speech, we should 
+never have heard of him save as a writer of scholia, or as a 
+college don, perhaps.  Not for such is the temple of Fame.
+
+
+Fama di loro il mondo esser non lassa.
+
+
+Whatever may be thought now, Mr. Gladstone is not the man 
+whom posterity will ennoble with the title of either 'great' 
+or 'good.'
+
+My second reason for mentioning Frederick Thistlethwayte was 
+one which at first sight may seem trivial, and yet, when we 
+look into it, is of more importance than the renown of an ex-
+Prime Minister.  If these pages are ever read, what follows 
+will be as distasteful to some of my own friends as the above 
+remarks to Mr. Gladstone's.
+
+Pardon a word about the writer himself - it is needed to 
+emphasise and justify these OBITER DICTA.  I was brought up 
+as a sportsman:  I cannot remember the days when I began to 
+shoot.  I had a passion for all kinds of sport, and have had 
+opportunities of gratifying it such as fall to the lot of 
+few.  After the shootings of Glenquoich and Invergarry were 
+lost to me through the death of Mr. Ellice, I became almost 
+the sole guest of Mr. Thistlethwayte for twelve years at his 
+Highland shooting of Kinlochmohr, not very far from Fort 
+William.  He rented the splendid deer forest of Mamore, 
+extensive grouse moors, and a salmon river within ten 
+minutes' walk of the lodge.  His marriage and his 
+eccentricities of mind and temper led him to shun all 
+society.  We often lived in bothies at opposite ends of the 
+forest, returning to the lodge on Saturday till Monday 
+morning.  For a sportsman, no life could be more enjoyable.  
+I was my own stalker, taking a couple of gillies for the 
+ponies, but finding the deer for myself - always the most 
+difficult part of the sport - and stalking them for myself.
+
+I may here observe that, not very long after I married, 
+qualms of conscience smote me as to the justifiability of 
+killing, AND WOUNDING, animals for amusement's sake.  The 
+more I thought of it, the less it bore thinking about.  
+Finally I gave it up altogether.  But I went on several years 
+after this with the deer-stalking; the true explanation of 
+this inconsistency would, I fear, be that I had had enough of 
+the one, but would never have enough of the other - one's 
+conscience adapts itself without much difficulty to one's 
+inclinations.
+
+Between my host and myself, there was a certain amount of 
+rivalry; and as the head forester was his stalker, the 
+rivalry between our men aroused rancorous jealousy.  I think 
+the gillies on either side would have spoilt the others' 
+sport, could they have done so with impunity.  For two 
+seasons, a very big stag used occasionally to find its way 
+into our forest from the Black Mount, where it was also 
+known.  Thistlethwayte had had a chance, and missed it; then 
+my turn came.  I got a long snap-shot end on at the galloping 
+stag.  It was an unsportsmanlike thing to do, but considering 
+the rivalry and other temptations I fired, and hit the beast 
+in the haunch.  It was late in the day, and the wounded 
+animal escaped.
+
+Nine days later I spied the 'big stag' again.  He was nearly 
+in the middle of a herd of about twenty, mostly hinds, on the 
+look-out.  They were on a large open moss at the bottom of a 
+corrie, whence they could see a moving object on every side 
+of them.  A stalk where they were was out of the question.  I 
+made up my mind to wait and watch.
+
+Now comes the moral of my story.  For hours I watched that 
+stag.  Though three hundred yards or so away from me, I could 
+through my glass see almost the expression of his face.  Not 
+once did he rise or attempt to feed, but lay restlessly 
+beating his head upon the ground for hour after hour.  I knew 
+well enough what that meant.  I could not hear his groans.  
+His plaints could not reach my ears, but they reached my 
+heart.  The refrain varied little:  'How long shall I cry and 
+Thou wilt not hear?' - that was the monotonous burden of the 
+moans, though sometimes I fancied it changed to:  'Lord how 
+long shall the wicked, how long shall the wicked triumph?'
+
+The evening came, and then, as is their habit, the deer began 
+to feed up wind.  The wounded stag seemed loth to stir.  By 
+degrees the last watchful hind fed quietly out of sight.  
+With throbbing pulse and with the instincts of a fox - or 
+prehistoric man, 'tis all the same - I crawled and dragged 
+myself through the peat bog and the pools of water.  But 
+nearer than two hundred yards it was impossible to get; even 
+to raise my head or find a tussock whereon to rest the rifle 
+would have started any deer but this one.  From the hollow I 
+was in, the most I could see of him was the outline of his 
+back and his head and neck.  I put up the 200 yards sight and 
+killed him.
+
+A vivid description of the body is not desirable.  It was 
+almost fleshless, wasted away, except his wounded haunch.  
+That was nearly twice its normal size; about one half of it 
+was maggots.  The stench drove us all away.  This I had done, 
+and I had done it for my pleasure!
+
+After that year I went no more to Scotland.  I blame no one 
+for his pursuit of sport.  But I submit that he must follow 
+it, if at all, with Reason's eyes shut.  Happily, your true 
+sportsman does not violate his conscience.  As a friend of 
+mine said to me the other day, 'Unless you give a man of that 
+kind something to kill, his own life is not worth having.'  
+This, to be sure, is all he has to think about.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLVIII
+
+
+
+FOR eight or nine years, while my sons were at school, I 
+lived at Rickmansworth.  Unfortunately the Leweses had just 
+left it.  Moor Park belonged to Lord Ebury, my wife's uncle, 
+and the beauties of its magnificent park and the amenities of 
+its charming house were at all times open to us, and freely 
+taken advantage of.  During those nine years I lived the life 
+of a student, and wrote and published the book I have 
+elsewhere spoken of, the 'Creeds of the Day.'
+
+Of the visitors of note whose acquaintance I made while I was 
+staying at Moor Park, by far the most illustrious was Froude.  
+He was too reserved a man to lavish his intimacy when taken 
+unawares; and if he suspected, as he might have done by my 
+probing, that one wanted to draw him out, he was much too 
+shrewd to commit himself to definite expressions of any kind 
+until he knew something of his interviewer.  Reticence of 
+this kind, on the part of such a man, is both prudent and 
+commendable.  But is not this habit of cautiousness sometimes 
+carried to the extent of ambiguity in his 'Short Studies on 
+Great Subjects'?  The careful reader is left in no sort of 
+doubt as to Froude's own views upon Biblical criticism, as to 
+his theological dogmas, or his speculative opinions.  But the 
+conviction is only reached by comparing him with himself in 
+different moods, by collating essay with essay, and one part 
+of an essay with another part of the same essay.  Sometimes 
+we have an astute defence of doctrines worthy at least of a 
+temperate apologist, and a few pages further on we wonder 
+whether the writer was not masking his disdain for the 
+credulity which he now exposes and laughs at.  Neither 
+excessive caution nor timidity are implied by his editing of 
+the Carlyle papers; and he may have failed - who that has 
+done so much has not? - in keeping his balance on the swaying 
+slack-rope between the judicious and the injudicious.  In his 
+own line, however, he is, to my taste, the most scholarly, 
+the most refined, and the most suggestive, of our recent 
+essayists.  The man himself in manner and in appearance was 
+in perfect keeping with these attractive qualities.
+
+While speaking of Moor Park and its kind owner I may avail 
+myself of this opportunity to mention an early reminiscence 
+of Lord Ebury's concerning the Grosvenor estate in London.
+
+Mr. Gladstone was wont to amuse himself with speculations as 
+to the future dimensions of London; what had been its growth 
+within his memory; what causes might arise to cheek its 
+increase.  After listening to his remarks on the subject one 
+day at dinner, I observed that I had heard Lord Ebury talk of 
+shooting over ground which is now Eaton Square.  Mr. 
+Gladstone of course did not doubt it; but some of the young 
+men smiled incredulously.  I afterwards wrote to Lord Ebury 
+to make sure that I had not erred.  Here is his reply:
+
+
+'Moor Park, Rickmansworth:  January 9, 1883.
+
+'MY dear Henry, - What you said I had told you about snipe-
+shooting is quite true, though I think I ought to have 
+mentioned a space rather nearer the river than Eaton Square.  
+In the year 1815, when the battle of Waterloo was fought, 
+there was nothing behind Grosvenor Place but the (-?) fields 
+- so called, a place something like the Scrubbs, where the 
+household troops drilled.  That part of Grosvenor Place where 
+the Grosvenor Place houses now stand was occupied by the Lock 
+Hospital and Chapel, and it ended where the small houses are 
+now to be found.  A little farther, a somewhat tortuous lane 
+called the King's Road led to Chelsea, and, I think, where 
+now St. Peter's, Pimlico, was afterwards built.  I remember 
+going to a breakfast at a villa belonging to Lady 
+Buckinghamshire.  The Chelsea Waterworks Company had a sort 
+of marshy place with canals and osier beds, now, I suppose, 
+Ebury Street, and here it was that I was permitted to go and 
+try my hand at snipe-shooting, a special privilege given to 
+the son of the freeholder.
+
+'The successful fox-hunt terminating in either Bedford or 
+Russell Square is very strange, but quite appropriate, 
+commemorated, I suppose, by the statue there erected.
+
+Yours affectionately,
+
+'E.'
+
+
+The successful 'fox-hunt ' was an event of which I told Lord 
+Ebury as even more remarkable than his snipe-shooting in 
+Belgravia.  As it is still more indicative of the growth of 
+London in recent times it may be here recorded.
+
+In connection with Mr. Gladstone's forecasts, I had written 
+to the last Lord Digby, who was a grandson of my father's, 
+stating that I had heard - whether from my father or not I 
+could not say - that he had killed a fox where now is Bedford 
+Square, with his own hounds.
+
+Lord Digby replied:
+
+
+'Minterne, Dorset:  January 7, 1883.
+
+'My dear Henry, - My grandfather killed a fox with his hounds 
+either in Bedford or Russell Square.  Old Jones, the 
+huntsman, who died at Holkham when you were a child, was my 
+informant.  I asked my grandfather if it was correct.  He 
+said "Yes" - he had kennels at Epping Place, and hunted the 
+roodings of Essex, which, he said, was the best scenting-
+ground in England.
+
+'Yours affectionately,
+
+'DIGBY.'
+
+
+(My father was born in 1754.)
+
+
+Mr. W. S. Gilbert had been a much valued friend of ours 
+before we lived at Rickmansworth.  We had been his guests for 
+the 'first night' of almost every one of his plays - plays 
+that may have a thousand imitators, but the speciality of 
+whose excellence will remain unrivalled and inimitable.  His 
+visits to us introduced him, I think, to the picturesque 
+country which he has now made his home.  When Mr. Gilbert 
+built his house in Harrington Gardens he easily persuaded us 
+to build next door to him.  This led to my acquaintance with 
+his neighbour on the other side, Mr. Walter Cassels, now well 
+known as the author of 'Supernatural Religion.'
+
+When first published in 1874, this learned work, summarising 
+and elaborately examining the higher criticism of the four 
+Gospels up to date, created a sensation throughout the 
+theological world, which was not a little intensified by the 
+anonymity of its author.  The virulence with which it was 
+attacked by Dr. Lightfoot, the most erudite bishop on the 
+bench, at once demonstrated its weighty significance and its 
+destructive force; while Mr. Morley's high commendation of 
+its literary merits and the scrupulous equity of its tone, 
+placed it far above the level of controversial diatribes.
+
+In my 'Creeds of the Day' I had made frequent references to 
+the anonymous book; and soon after my introduction to Mr. 
+Cassels spoke to him of its importance, and asked him whether 
+he had read it.  He hesitated for a moment, then said:
+
+'We are very much of the same way of thinking on these 
+subjects.  I will tell you a secret which I kept for some 
+time even from my publishers - I am the author of 
+"Supernatural Religion."'
+
+From that time forth, we became the closest of allies.  I 
+know no man whose tastes and opinions and interests are more 
+completely in accord with my own than those of Mr. Walter 
+Cassels.  It is one of my greatest pleasures to meet him 
+every summer at the beautiful place of our mutual and 
+sympathetic friend, Mrs. Robertson, on the skirts of the 
+Ashtead forest, in Surrey.
+
+The winter of 1888 I spent at Cairo under the roof of General 
+Sir Frederick Stephenson, then commanding the English forces 
+in Egypt.  I had known Sir Frederick as an ensign in the 
+Guards.  He was adjutant of his regiment at the Alma, and at 
+Inkerman.  He is now Colonel of the Coldstreams and Governor 
+of the Tower.  He has often been given a still higher title, 
+that of 'the most popular man in the army.'
+
+Everybody in these days has seen the Pyramids, and has been 
+up the Nile.  There is only one name I have to mention here, 
+and that is one of the best-known in the world.  Mr. Thomas 
+Cook was the son of the original inventor of the 'Globe-
+trotter.'  But it was the extraordinary energy and powers of 
+organisation of the son that enabled him to develop to its 
+present efficiency the initial scheme of the father.
+
+Shortly before the General's term expired, he invited Mr. 
+Cook to dinner.  The Nile share of the Gordon Relief 
+Expedition had been handed over to Cook.  The boats, the 
+provisioning of them, and the river transport service up to 
+Wady Halfa, were contracted for and undertaken by Cook.
+
+A most entertaining account he gave of the whole affair.  He 
+told us how the Mudir of Dongola, who was by way of rendering 
+every possible assistance, had offered him an enormous bribe 
+to wreck the most valuable cargoes on their passage through 
+the Cataracts.
+
+Before Mr. Cook took leave of the General, he expressed the 
+regret felt by the British residents in Cairo at the 
+termination of Sir Frederick's command; and wound up a pretty 
+little speech by a sincere request that he might be allowed 
+to furnish Sir Frederick GRATIS with all the means at his 
+disposal for a tour through the Holy Land.  The liberal and 
+highly complimentary offer was gratefully acknowledged, but 
+at once emphatically declined.  The old soldier, (at least, 
+this was my guess,) brave in all else, had not the courage to 
+face the tourists' profanation of such sacred scenes.
+
+Dr. Bird told me a nice story, a pendant to this, of Mr. 
+Thomas Cook's liberality.  One day, before the Gordon 
+Expedition, which was then in the air, Dr. Bird was smoking 
+his cigarette on the terrace in front of Shepherd's Hotel, in 
+company with four or five other men, strangers to him and to 
+one another.  A discussion arose as to the best means of 
+relieving Gordon.  Each had his own favourite general.  
+Presently the doctor exclaimed:  'Why don't they put the 
+thing into the hands of Cook?  I'll be bound to say he would 
+undertake it, and do the job better than anyone else.'
+
+'Do you know Cook, sir?' asked one of the smokers who had 
+hitherto been silent.
+
+'No, I never saw him, but everybody knows he has a genius for 
+organisation; and I don't believe there is a general in the 
+British Army to match him.'
+
+When the company broke up, the silent stranger asked the 
+doctor his name and address, and introduced himself as Thomas 
+Cook.  The following winter Dr. Bird received a letter 
+enclosing tickets for himself and Miss Bird for a trip to 
+Egypt and back, free of expense, 'in return for his good 
+opinion and good wishes.'
+
+After my General's departure, and a month up the Nile, I - 
+already disillusioned, alas! - rode through Syria, following 
+the beaten track from Jerusalem to Damascus.  On my way from 
+Alexandria to Jaffa I had the good fortune to make the 
+acquaintance of an agreeable fellow-traveller, Mr. Henry 
+Lopes, afterwards member for Northampton, also bound for 
+Palestine.  We went to Constantinople and to the Crimea 
+together, then through Greece, and only parted at Charing 
+Cross.
+
+It was easy to understand Sir Frederick Stephenson's 
+(supposed) unwillingness to visit Jerusalem.  It was probably 
+far from being what it is now, or even what it was when 
+Pierre Loti saw it, for there was no railway from Jaffa in 
+our time.  Still, what Loti pathetically describes as 'une 
+banalite de banlieue parisienne,' was even then too painfully 
+casting its vulgar shadows before it.  And it was rather with 
+the forlorn eyes of the sentimental Frenchman than with the 
+veneration of Dean Stanley, that we wandered about the ever-
+sacred Aceldama of mortally wounded and dying Christianity.
+
+One dares not, one could never, speak irreverently of 
+Jerusalem.  One cannot think heartlessly of a disappointed 
+love.  One cannot tear out creeds interwoven with the 
+tenderest fibres of one's heart.  It is better to be silent.  
+Yet is it a place for unwept tears, for the deep sadness and 
+hard resignation borne in upon us by the eternal loss of 
+something dearer once than life.  All we who are weary and 
+heavy laden, in whom now shall we seek the rest which is not 
+nothingness?
+
+My story is told, but I fain would take my leave with words 
+less sorrowful.  If a man has no better legacy to bequeath 
+than bid his fellow-beings despair, he had better take it 
+with him to his grave.
+
+
+We know all this, we know!
+
+
+But it is in what we do not know that our hope and our 
+religion lies.  Thrice blessed are we in the certainty that 
+here our range is infinite.  This infinite that makes our 
+brains reel, that begets the feeling that makes us 'shrink,' 
+is perhaps the most portentous argument in the logic of the 
+sceptic.  Since the days of Laplace, we have been haunted in 
+some form or other with the ghost of the MECANIQUE CELESTE.  
+Take one or two commonplaces from the text-books of 
+astronomy:
+
+Every half-hour we are about ten thousand miles nearer to the 
+constellation of Lyra.  'The sun and his system must travel 
+at his present rate for far more than a million years (divide 
+this into half-hours) before we have crossed the abyss 
+between our present position and the frontiers of Lyra' 
+(Ball's 'Story of the Heavens').
+
+'Sirius is about one million times as far from us as the sun.  
+If we take the distance of Sirius from the earth and 
+subdivide it into one million equal parts, each of these 
+parts would be long enough to span the great distance of 
+92,700,000 miles from the earth to the sun,' yet Sirius is 
+one of the NEAREST of the stars to us.
+
+The velocity with which light traverses space is 186,300 
+miles a second, at which rate it has taken the rays from 
+Sirius which we may see to-night, nine years to reach us.  
+The proper motion of Sirius through space is about one 
+thousand miles a minute.  Yet 'careful alignment of the eye 
+would hardly detect that Sirius was moving, in . . . even 
+three or four centuries.'
+
+'There may be, and probably are, stars from which Noah might 
+be seen stepping into the Ark, Eve listening to the 
+temptation of the serpent, or that older race, eating the 
+oysters and leaving the shell-heaps behind them, when the 
+Baltic was an open sea' (Froude's 'Science of History').
+
+Facts and figures such as these simply stupefy us.  They 
+vaguely convey the idea of something immeasurably great, but 
+nothing further.  They have no more effect upon us than words 
+addressed to some poor 'bewildered creature, stunned and 
+paralysed by awe; no more than the sentence of death to the 
+terror-stricken wretch at the bar.  Indeed, it is in this 
+sense that the sceptic uses them for our warning.
+
+'Seit Kopernikus,' says Schopenhauer, 'kommen die Theologen 
+mit dem lieben Gott in Verlegenheit.'  'No one,' he adds, 
+'has so damaged Theism as Copernicus.'  As if limitation and 
+imperfection in the celestial mechanism would make for the 
+belief in God; or, as if immortality were incompatible with 
+dependence.  Des Cartes, for one, (and he counts for many,) 
+held just the opposite opinion.
+
+Our sun and all the millions upon millions of suns whose 
+light will never reach us are but the aggregation of atoms 
+drawn together by the same force that governs their orbit, 
+and which makes the apple fall.  When their heat, however 
+generated, is expended, they die to frozen cinders; possibly 
+to be again diffused as nebulae, to begin again the eternal 
+round of change.
+
+What is life amidst this change?  'When I consider the work 
+of Thy fingers, the moon and the stars which Thou hast 
+ordained, what is man that Thou art mindful of him?'
+
+But is He mindful of us?  That is what the sceptic asks.  Is 
+He mindful of life here or anywhere in all this boundless 
+space?  We have no ground for supposing (so we are told) that 
+life, if it exists at all elsewhere, in the solar system at 
+least, is any better than it is here?  'Analogy compels us to 
+think,' says M. France, one of the most thoughtful of living 
+writers, 'that our entire solar system is a gehenna where the 
+animal is born for suffering. . . . This alone would suffice 
+to disgust me with the universe.'  But M. France is too deep 
+a thinker to abide by such a verdict.  There must be 
+something 'behind the veil.'  'Je sens que ces immensites ne 
+sont rien, et qu'enfin, s'il y a quelque chose, ce quelque 
+chose n'est pas ce que nous voyons.'  That is it.  All these 
+immensities are not 'rien,' but they are assuredly not what 
+we take them to be.  They are the veil of the Infinite, 
+behind which we are not permitted to see.
+
+
+It were the seeing Him, no flesh shall dare.
+
+
+The very greatness proves our impotence to grasp it, proves 
+the futility of our speculations, and should help us best of 
+all though outwardly so appalling, to stand calm while the 
+snake of unbelief writhes beneath our feet.  The unutterable 
+insignificance of man and his little world connotes the 
+infinity which leaves his possibilities as limitless as 
+itself.
+
+Spectrology informs us that the chemical elements of matter 
+are everywhere the same; and in a boundless universe where 
+such unity is manifested there must be conditions similar to 
+those which support life here.  It is impossible to doubt, on 
+these grounds alone, that life does exist elsewhere.  Were we 
+rashly to assume from scientific data that no form of animal 
+life could obtain except under conditions similar to our own, 
+would not reason rebel at such an inference, on the mere 
+ground that to assume that there is no conscious being in the 
+universe save man, is incomparably more unwarrantable, and in 
+itself incredible?
+
+Admitting, then, the hypothesis of the universal distribution 
+of life, has anyone the hardihood to believe that this is 
+either the best or worst of worlds?  Must we not suppose that 
+life exists in every stage of progress, in every state of 
+imperfection, and, conversely, of advancement?  Have we still 
+the audacity to believe with the ancient Israelites, or as 
+the Church of Rome believed only three centuries ago, that 
+the universe was made for us, and we its centre?  Or must we 
+not believe that - infinity given - the stages and degrees of 
+life are infinite as their conditions?  And where is this to 
+stop?  There is no halting place for imagination till we 
+reach the ANIMA MUNDI, the infinite and eternal Spirit from 
+which all Being emanates.
+
+The materialist and the sceptic have forcible arguments on 
+their side.  They appeal to experience and to common sense, 
+and ask pathetically, yet triumphantly, whether aspiration, 
+however fervid, is a pledge for its validity, 'or does being 
+weary prove that he hath where to rest?'  They smile at the 
+flights of poetry and imagination, and love to repeat:
+
+
+Fools! that so often here
+Happiness mocked our prayer,
+I think might make us fear
+A like event elsewhere;
+Make us not fly to dreams, but moderate desire.
+
+
+But then, if the other view is true, the Elsewhere is not the 
+Here, nor is there any conceivable likeness between the two.  
+It is not mere repugnance to truths, or speculations rather, 
+which we dread, that makes us shrink from a creed so shallow, 
+so palpably inept, as atheism.  There are many sides to our 
+nature, and I see not that reason, doubtless our trustiest 
+guide, has one syllable to utter against our loftiest hopes.  
+Our higher instincts are just as much a part of us as any 
+that we listen to; and reason, to the end, can never 
+dogmatise with what it is not conversant.
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg eText Tracks of a Rolling Stone
+
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