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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..272410f --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #52665 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/52665) diff --git a/old/52665-0.txt b/old/52665-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 4bbfc8b..0000000 --- a/old/52665-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1875 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Boston Dip, by George M. Baker - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: The Boston Dip - A Comedy, in One Act - -Author: George M. Baker - -Release Date: July 28, 2016 [EBook #52665] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE BOSTON DIP *** - - - - -Produced by David Edwards and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - - - - - [Illustration: book cover] - - - - - ALL THE WORLD’S A STAGE. - - - THE - AMATEUR - DRAMA. - - -------------- - - THE - BOSTON DIP - - - - - BOSTON: - GEO. M. BAKER & CO. - 149 Washington Street. - - KILBURN & MALLORY, SC. - - Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1873 - by GEORGE M. BAKER, in the Office of the - Libraries of Congress, at Washington. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - THE BOSTON DIP. - - A Comedy, in One Act. - - BY THE AUTHOR OF - - “Sylvia’s Soldier,” - “Once on a Time,” “Down by the Sea,” “The Last Loaf,” - “Bread on the Waters,” “Stand by the Flag,” “The Tempter,” “A Drop too - Much,” “We’re all Teetotalers,” “A Little more Cider,” “Thirty Minutes - for Refreshments,” “Wanted, a Male Cook,” “A Sea of Troubles,” - “Freedom of the Press,” “A Close Shave,” “The Great - Elixir,” “The Man with the Demijohn,” “Humors of - the Strike,” “New Brooms sweep Clean,” “My - Uncle the Captain,” “The Greatest Plague - in Life,” “No Cure, no Pay,” “The - Grecian Bend,” “A War of the - Roses,” “Lightheart’s - Pilgrimage,” - “The - Sculptor’s - Triumph,” “Too - Late for the Train,” - “Snow-Bound,” “The Peddler - of Very Nice,” “Bonbons,” - “Capuletta,” “An Original Idea,” “My - Brother’s Keeper,” “Among the Breakers,” - “The Boston Dip,” “The Duchess of Dublin,” “A - Tender Attachment,” “Gentlemen of the Jury,” “A Public - Benefactor,” “The Thief of Time,” “The Hypochondriac,” “The - Runaways,” “Coals of Fire,” “The Red Chignon,” “Using the Weed,” - “A Love of a Bonnet,” “A Precious Pickle,” “The Revolt - of the Bees,” “The Seven Ages,” - &c., &c., &c. - - - BOSTON: - GEORGE M. BAKER & CO., - 149 WASHINGTON STREET. - - - - - Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1873 by - GEORGE M. BAKER, - In the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington. - - - - - _Rand, Avery, & Frye, Printers, Boston._ - - - - - THE BOSTON DIP. - - A COMEDIETTA, IN ONE ACT. - - - - - CHARACTERS. - - - MR. MOSES MULLIGRUB, once Proprietor of a Fish-cart, now a - rich Speculator. - - MONSIEUR ADONIS, a Dancing-Master. - - MR. RICHARD DASHER, a Fast Man. - - MR. LAVENDER KIDS, an Exquisite. - - MRS. MOSES MULLIGRUB. - - MISS IDA MULLIGRUB. - - MISS EVA MULLIGRUB. - - - - - COSTUMES - - - Full Evening Dress. - - - - -SCENE.— - - -_Handsome drawing room in_ MONSIEUR ADONIS’S _Academy. Entrances_, R., - L., _and_ C. _Lounges,_ R. _and_ L. _Screen,_ L. _corner, back. Two - chairs,_ R. _and_ L. _of door in flat_. - -_Music, as curtain rises, Straus’s waltz, “Beautiful Blue Danube.”_ MISS - IDA _and_ MISS EVA _discovered waltzing, introducing “The Boston Dip.” - They waltz a few moments, then stop. Music ceases._ - -_Ida._ Now, isn’t that delightful? - -_Eva._ Delightful! It’s positively bewitching. Bless that dear Monsieur -Adonis. He deserves a crown of roses for introducing to his assembly the -latest Terpsichorean novelty. O, we shall have a splendid time to-night! - -_Ida._ Especially as those charming waltzers, Messrs. Richard Dasher and -Lavender Kids, “the glass of fashion and the mould of form,” are to -honor us with their presence. - -_Eva._ Yes, indeed. What would the dance be without them? - -_Ida._ Not worth the trouble of dressing. But don’t you think that Mr. -Dasher is a little too attentive to Miss Eva Mulligrub,—eh, sister? - -_Eva._ Not more attentive, certainly, than is Mr. Lavender Kids to her -charming sister, Miss Ida Mulligrub.—Eh, sister? - -_Ida._ But seriously, Eva, I begin to think that you are carrying this -matter a little too far. Mr. Dasher might reasonably expect, from the -partiality you unhesitatingly show for his society, and the smiles you -bestow upon him, to be considered your lover. - -_Eva._ You begin to think. Why, bless you, Ida, I’ve thought and thought -and thought, for a long time, that were I Mr. Lavender Kids, I should -pop the question at once, so undeniably entranced are you by his -attentions. - -_Ida._ Eva! - -_Eva._ Ida! - -_Ida._ You’re talking nonsense. - -_Eva._ Well, you began it. - -_Ida._ But you know you like Mr. Dasher. - -_Eva._ To be sure I do. He’s the best waltzer in the city. Graceful, -agreeable, and decidedly good-looking. - -_Ida._ And you would marry him? - -_Eva._ Not unless he asked me, and then— - -_Ida._ And then— - -_Eva._ I should remember that he is considered a fortune-hunter, that he -is too fond of horses, that possibly he might have an eye on father’s -bank-book, that I don’t want such a husband, and should very sweetly, -calmly, but decidedly say, No, thank you, Mr. Dasher. - -_Ida._ Exactly what I should say to Mr. Kids, without the sweetness and -calmness. - -_Eva._ I hope we shall not have the chance, for then, of course, we -should lose their society—and they are such superb waltzers. - -_Ida._ But what in the world could have possessed mother to have us come -so early. Hurry, girls, hurry! And here we are before the hall is -lighted. - -_Eva._ I’m sure I don’t know. It’s one of her whims. One would hardly -think that, at her age, she would care for dancing. - -_Ida._ But she does. I caught her to-day attempting a waltz before the -glass in her room; and such work as she did make of it! - -_Eva._ She’s not very nimble with her weight of years and flesh, but she -would come to-night, and without father, too. - -_Ida._ Catch him in such a place! No doubt he’s already snoring at home -in his easy-chair, speculating on corner lots in his dreams. - -_Eva._ Better that than the old life, dragging a handcart through the -streets, and shouting, “Cod! haddock! halibut! eel—eel—eel—eels!” - -_Ida._ Why, Eva, don’t speak of that; and such a noise, too. - -_Eva._ Who cares. Everybody knows what we once were, and I, for one, am -not going to be ashamed of father’s old occupation. He has made money in -an honest way: so let us have no false pride, Ida. “Cod! haddock! -halibut! eel—eel—eel—eels!” - - _Enter_ MRS. MULLIGRUB, C. - -_Mrs. M._ Well, I never! Eva Mulligrub, I’m blushing with shame, -petrified with mortification, and stunned with grief, to hear such words -as those proceeding from your lips. I never heard such language before, -never. - -_Eva._ Why, mother! And I’ve heard father say those very words brought -you to the window many a time when he passed; that they were the bait by -which you were caught, and that you were the best catch he ever made. - -_Mrs. M._ Fiddle-de-de! That’s his twaddle. We’re above such language -now. But come, girls, fix me up! I’m all coming to pieces. Is that -what’s-its-name behind all right, and this thingumbob on my neck, and -the what-you-may-call-it on top of my head? Dear me, I’m all in a -pucker. - -_Ida._ Everything about your dress is charming, mother. - -_Mrs. M._ Well, I’m glad on’t. Now girls, look here, I’ve made an -assignment with Munseer What’s-his-name to-night. - -_Eva._ A what? - -_Ida._ Assignment? You mean an appointment. - -_Mrs. M._ Well, it’s all the same. I’m going to learn to do that dipper -thing, if I die for it. - -_Eva._ I don’t understand. - -_Ida._ She means The Boston Dip. - -_Mrs. M._ That’s it—where you go tipping about, while the fiddlers play -Struse’s Beautiful Blue Dan-_u_-by. - -_Eva._ You, mother, learn to waltz! - -_Mrs. M._ And why not? There’s Mrs. What’s-her-name gets through it, and -she’s older and heavier than I. I’m going to learn it. What’s the use of -having money if you can’t spin round like other folks. But don’t say a -word to your father. Bless me, how he would roar! But he’s safe at home, -snoozing in his chair by this time. I’ve arranged it all. I’ve engaged -this drawing-room for my own party, and when you’re all dancing in the -hall, Muns_ee_r A—A—what’s-his-name will slip in here, and practice the -waltz with me, and nobody will know anything about it until I’m -deficient. - -_Ida._ Proficient, mother. - -_Mrs. M._ Well, what’s the difference? It’s all arranged. I’m not going -to make a fool of myself before folks when I can pay for private -lessons. - - DASHER _appears,_ C. - -_Dasher_ (_loud_). Eureka! - -_Mrs. M._ (_starting_). Good gracious! You what? - -_Dasher._ “Fortune favors the brave.” Like Cæsar, I came, I saw, and I’m -overcome. May I come in? - -_Mrs. M._ Certainly, Mr. Dasher. Your presence always adds a charm to -our—what’s-its-name—circular. - -_Ida._ Circle, mother. - -_Mrs. M._ Well, what’s the odds? - -_Dasher._ Thank you, Mrs. Mulligrub. You are arrayed like an empress; -Miss Ida, your costume is only eclipsed by your charming face; Miss Eva— - -_Eva._ “Last but not least in our dear love,” must of course be divine; -so spare my blushes and your breath. (_Sits on lounge_, R.) - -_Dasher._ Thank you. And now congratulate me. I threw down my pen, after -a hard fight with figures, to seek the lonely recesses of my bachelor’s -quarters, heartily sick of life, when it suddenly occurred to me that -this evening Monsieur Adonis gives one of his charming assemblies. -Perhaps, thought I, there I may find rest for my weary brain from the -figures of the ledger, which are dancing in my head, in the figures of -the dance. But did I dream of falling into such charming society? No; -most emphatically and decidedly, no. Therefore, like Cæsar— - -_Mrs. M._ And pray, Mr. Dasher, who is this Cæsar you’re making such a -fuss about? - -_Ida._ Why, mother! - -_Mrs. M._ La, child, there’s nobody of that name I’m acquainted with. - -_Ida._ You know, mother, Cæsar was the great Roman general, who— - -_Mrs. M._ La, yes; Mr. Dasher was only speaking metagorically. Cæsar was -the man who crossed the what’s-its-name, and was stabbed by a brute. - -_Eva._ Never mind Cæsar. Here’s my card, Mr. Dasher. Of course your name -will be the first I shall allow upon it. - -_Dasher_ (_sits on lounge beside_ EVA). Am I to be so highly honored. -(_Takes card._) - -_Eva._ For a waltz, and only one. - -_Mrs. M._ La, child, don’t be so unscrupulous. You’ll dance till you -drop if you get a chance. - -_Ida._ Hush, mother. - -_Mrs. M._ Now what’s the matter with you? Mr. What’s-his-name will dance -with you, too. Don’t be so anxious. - -_Ida._ O, dear, was there ever such a torment. (_Sits on lounge_, L.) - - _Enter_ KIDS, C. - -_Kids_ (_with glass to his eye_). Now, weally! Have I stumbled into the -bodwaw of a bevy of enchanting goddesses?—have I, weally? - -_Ida._ O, Mr. Kids! - -_Eva._ You have, weally, Mr. Kids. - -_Dasher._ Lavender, my boy, how are you? - -_Kids._ And will the divine goddesses permit me to entaw, to disturb -their tableaw of beauty with my horwid figgaw? - -_Eva._ Yes, trot your horwid figgaw in, Mr. Kids. - -_Mrs. M._ Eva, I’m astonished at such language as those. Mr. Kids, we -are delighted to see you. - -_Ida._ Yes, indeed, Mr. Kids. I’ve kept my card for you. - -_Kids._ Divine creachaw, you overpowaw me—you do, weally. (_Sits on -lounge beside_ IDA, _and takes her card._) Just one waltz? - -_Eva._ As many as you please, Mr. Kids. - -_Mrs. M._ Now that’s what I call generous. I wonder where Mr.—no, -Muns_ee_r—Adonis can be. (_Retires up._) - -_Eva._ Mr. Dasher, how can you tell such falsehoods, when you know, that -I know, that you know, we were to be here to-night. - -_Dasher._ What a knowing young lady. It’s one of the frailties of -masculine nature, Miss Eva. I’m glad I was not George Washington, for I -should certainly have spoiled that hatchet story by a lie. Now I am -here, dear Miss Eva, overpowered with the burden of a weighty secret, I -am going to disclose it. I—I— - -_Kids._ I say, Dashaw, I’ve had my bwains surveyed to-day. - -_Dasher._ Have you? I didn’t know you had any. - -_Kids._ Yaas, several. Destwuctiveness, combativeness, idolitwy— - -_Dasher._ Ideality. - -_Kids._ Yaas, it’s vewry wemarkable how those phwenological fellaws lay -out your bwains, and name them just like—aw—stweets. - -_Dasher_ (_aside_). They must have labeled some of yours “No -Thoroughfare.” - -_Eva._ O, don’t talk about brains, Mr. Kids. The discussion of such a -subject might fly to your head. - -_Dasher._ And so light is the material there, cause a conflagration. - -_Kids._ Yaas, yaas, like a Mansard woof. And, Dashaw, I’ve got a -diwectory of my bwains, and it’s deucedly clevaw; for if an ideah gets -into my bwains, I can trace it out in the diwectory, and tell just where -it lies, you know, and know just where to find it. Deuced clevaw. - -_Dasher_ (_aside_). ’Twould die of starvation before you found it. - -_Mrs. M._ (_comes down_). Ah, here’s Munseer Adonis at last! - - _Enter_ MONSIEUR ADONIS, R. - -_Mons. A._ _Charmant, charmant_, leedies and gentimen, I kees your -hands. You do me proud. I feel ze glow of satisfaction in ze inermost -inside of zis bosom, when you do me ze _grande honneur_ to grace my -salon wiz your presence. I feel ze glow all ovar. - -_Mrs. M._ O, Munseer Adonis! - -_Eva._ Politest of Frenchmen. - -_Ida._ Paragon of dancing-masters. - -_Mons. A._ Pardon me, _charmant_ medmoiselles and adorable madam, if ze -modest blush of shame paint my cheek wiz ze hues of ze roses. I am ze -humble instrument of ze divine art which gives ze grace to ze figure, -and ze airy lightness to ze beautiful toes of madam and ze _charmant_ -medmoiselles. - -_Eva._ Now, Munseer Adonis, we are all impatience. When will the dance -begin? - -_Mons. A._ On ze instant. Ze company have assemble in ze grande salon. -When madam and her friends make ze grande entrée, zen will ze music -strike ze signal. - -_Ida._ We are all ready. - -_Mrs. M._ Munseer Adonis, one word with you. - -_Mons. A._ Wiz ze uttermost pleasure. Am I not ze slave of ze matchless -madam (_aside_) and her money. (_They retire up stage, and converse._) - -_Dasher._ Miss Eva, I must have an interview with you this evening. I -have much to say. Meet me here in half an hour. - -_Eva._ Certainly. I’ll slip away at the first opportunity. - -_Dasher._ Thank you. The first dance is mine, you remember. - -_Kids._ Aw, Miss Ida, I must speak with you alone; I must, weally. -There’s something on my bwain—no—on my bweast, that must be welieved. -Don’t go. Stay behind with me. - -_Ida._ And lose the first dance?—No, indeed. - -_Kids._ Weally, I couldn’t ask that. Couldn’t you contwive to meet me -here alone? - -_Ida._ At the first opportunity. I’ll do my best. (_Rises._) Eva, one -moment. - -_Eva_ (_rises and comes,_ C.). Well, dear? - -_Ida._ Don’t you think, Mr. Kids wants me to meet him here alone. - -_Eva._ Does he? The same thought must have wandered into his bwain that -crept into Mr. Dasher’s, for he expects me to meet him here alone. - -_Ida._ Do you know what it all means? - -_Eva._ Certainly—proposals. - -_Ida._ And will you permit Mr. Dasher— - -_Eva._ No, indeed. Marry that fickle thing? Never! - -_Ida._ Exactly my mind. Mr. Kid’s a fool. - -_Eva._ But, like Mr. Dasher, a splendid waltzer. We cannot afford to -lose them. - -_Ida._ Indeed we cannot. Partners are so scarce. - -_Eva._ They want father’s money. - -_Ida._ But they must not have his daughters. - -_Eva._ No, indeed. You watch me, and I’ll watch you, and there’ll be no -proposals. (_Retire to_ R. _and_ L. MONSIEUR ADONIS _and_ MRS. MULLIGRUB -_come down stage._) - -_Mrs. M._ And you got my note, Munseer Adonis? - -_Mons. A._ Ah, madam, I have it next my heart. (_Produces an envelope, -opens it, takes out note, puts envelope in his pocket. Reads._) “Meet me -in the private drawing-room when ze company are waltzing. Do not fail -me. Hannah Mulligrub.” Zat is all it say. - -_Mrs. M._ But you know what it means. I am anxious to learn “The Boston -Dip.” Were I to come to your school I should be laughed at, but here, -while the company are waltzing, no one would know it, and the inspiring -music would aid me. I don’t want to make a fool of myself, you -understand. - -_Mons. A._ Certainly. All zat I shall remember. I have written on ze -back of ze note “Boston Dip.” I put him in ze pocket wiz my -handkerchief, so zat when I pull him out to wipe my face ze note will -arrest my attention, and I shall fly to you, madam. (_Puts note and -handkerchief in his pocket._) - -_Mrs. M._ O, you Frenchmen are so inveterate. - -_Dasher._ Come, Monsieur Adonis, the dance, the dance! I’m all -impatience (_aside to_ EVA) for its end. - -_Kids._ Weally, the delay is vexatious; it is, weally. (_Aside to_ IDA.) -Meet me here, you know. - -_Mons. A._ Pardon me, I am all impatience. _Charmant_, madam, shall I -have ze pleasure. (_Offers his arm to_ MRS. MULLIGRUB.) Ze night is ver -warm, ver warm. (_Music, “Beautiful Blue Danube.”_ MONSIEUR ADONIS -_takes out his handkerchief. The note falls on stage. He wipes his face, -passes out door,_ R., _followed by_ DASHER _and_ EVA, KIDS _and_ IDA.) - - _Enter_ MULLIGRUB, C. - -_Mulligrub._ So, so, here we are, Mrs. Mulligrub, unexpectedly, and no -doubt unwelcome. You imagine the old codger snoozing away at home, but -here he is, and wide awake too. It’s about time the head of the house -knew what is going on. And here’s where the money goes. Well, who cares? -There’s lots of it, so let it fly. But I’ve a wonderful curiosity to -know how my Hannah carries herself among all these fine snobs, so I’m -bound to have a peep. (_Goes towards door_, R. _Sees note on carpet._) -Hallo! what’s this? a billy-deux? (_Picking it up._) Where’s my specs? -(_Reads._) “Meet me”—ho, ho! here’s a nice little plot—(_reads_)—“in the -private drawing-room”—that’s here—(_reads_)—“while the company are -waltzing. Do not fail me. Hannah Mulligrub.” My wife! Ye gods and little -fishes! my wife. “Do not fail me.” Is this the reward of my generosity? -My wife! What does it mean? Who is the scoundrel that is tampering with -the affections of Hannah, and the peace of Moses Mulligrub? (_Turns note -over._) “Boston Dip.” Who’s he? “Boston Dip.” There’s a name. I’ve heard -of the “Manchester Pet,” and the “Dublin Baby,” but the “Boston -Dip,”—confound him, let me get hold of him, and I’ll Christen him with a -dip that will drown him. Here’s nice goings on! A respectable wife, and -a mother, too, making an appointment with an individual bearing such a -name as that—“Boston Dip.” He shall not fail you, Mrs. M., but he must -meet me too. I’ll not stir from this place until I know what this means. -This comes of letting women roam abroad when they should be kept at -home. O, Mrs. Mulligrub! if I don’t cut down your pin money for this my -name’s not Moses Mulligrub. I’ll not leave you a pin to stand on. -(_Takes chair; slams it down,_ C.) “Boston Dip.” (_Sits, and jumps up._) -Gracious! he must be a sparrer, and that’s his fighting name. No matter, -let him come on. (_Sparring._) The old man’s a little out of practice, -but he’s game. (_Sits; folds his arms._) If this little party does not -end in a shindy, it won’t be my fault. - - DASHER _backs in,_ R., _waving his handkerchief._ - -_Dasher._ Does she mean to come? I cannot attract her attention. (_Backs -up still, waving his handkerchief._) Why don’t she come? (_Backs -against_ MULLIGRUB’S _chair, sending it over, and_ MULLIGRUB _on to the -floor._) I beg your pardon. - -_Mulligrub_ (_picking himself up_). Sir! - -_Dasher._ I really beg your pardon. Did you break anything? - -_Mulligrub._ No, sir; but I shall presently break the peace and your -head. - -_Dasher._ I beg you won’t do anything of the kind. It was an accident; -and besides, you are trespassing here. - -_Mulligrub._ O, I am! And pray, sir, will you be kind enough to explain -the meaning of that remark? - -_Dasher._ Certainly. This is Mrs. Mulligrub’s private drawing-room, -where none but her friends are allowed to enter. - -_Mulligrub._ Indeed! (_Aside._) This must be “Dip.” (_Aloud._) Well, -sir, I am one of her friends—a particular friend. - -_Dasher._ I see: an old friend of the family. You’re just the man I want -to see. Yes, sir, the moment I set eyes on you I said to myself, -“There’s a man who can serve me.” - -_Mulligrub._ Indeed—(_aside_) with a broken head. - -_Dasher._ Yes, sir. You know old Mulligrub? - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). Old Mulligrub! (_Aloud._) Intimately. - -_Dasher._ Good. I’ve never seen him, but people say he’s immensely rich. -What do you say? Will he cut up well? - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). “Cut up!” Confound his impudence. - -_Dasher._ I’ve particular reasons for wishing to know. I may say, I am -very much attached to a member of his family, you understand. I’m not -mercenary; but you know times are hard, and to make a respectable show -in society, have a nice house, a half dozen fast horses, and all that -sort of thing, requires money. Now, what I want to know is this, will -the old man shell out? - -_Mulligrub._ Shell out? Look here, young man, for coolness you certainly -would take the premium at the largest display of frozen wares in Alaska. -If I don’t answer your polite questions, it is because your audacity has -so astounded me, that, hang me, if I know whether there is an old -Mulligrub to “cut up” or “shell out” at all. (_Aside._) It must -certainly be “Dip.” - -_Dasher._ O, you won’t tell. Hush! there’s somebody coming—somebody who -I am particularly anxious to meet alone, you understand. Just step out -of that door (_pointing,_ C.), that’s a good fellow. - -_Mulligrub._ Sir, I shall do nothing of the kind. - -_Dasher._ But you must—only for a moment, and then you shall return. -(_Pushes him back._) - -_Mulligrub._ Sir, do you know who I am? - -_Dasher._ Certainly; a friend of the family; and, as a friend of the -family, when the time comes you shall know all. Now go, that’s a good -fellow. (_Pushes him back to door,_ C.) - -_Mulligrub._ But, sir, I shall not. (_Aside._) Stop. I’ll watch. -(_Aloud._) Very well, sir; as I seem to be in the way, I will retire. - -_Dasher._ I knew you would—you’re such a good fellow. - -_Mulligrub._ Good fellow! (_Aside._) Confound his impudence. - - [_Exit,_ C. - -_Dasher._ Ha, ha! Got rid of him. (_Comes down stage._ MULLIGRUB -_enters_, C., _and steps behind screen._) Now for a tender interview -with Miss Eva, ending in a proposal, which I know she will accept. -(_Enter_ EVA, C.) I knew you would come. - -_Eva._ Because I promised. O, Mr. Dasher, that waltz was delightful. - -_Dasher._ Indeed! I am glad you enjoyed it. If it gave you pleasure I -should be satisfied, though my heart is heavy, and the waltz had little -inspiration for me. - -_Eva._ Dear me, Mr. Dasher, you look as melancholy as an owl. What has -gone wrong? - -_Dasher._ Nothing—everything—Miss Eva. I am on the verge of a precipice, -a frightful precipice. (MULLIGRUB’S _head appears above screen_.) - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). There’s “Dip” and—Eva, as I live! - -_Eva._ I don’t understand you, Mr. Dasher. - -_Dasher._ Upon the verge of a frightful precipice I totter. Beneath me -are the whitened bones of many a mortal. If I fall not a tear will be -shed for me. - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). Nary a tear, young man. - -_Dasher._ ’Tis the valley of disappointed hopes. - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). Dip’s getting grave. - -_Dasher._ Into this must I fall, unless the succoring hand be stretched -forth to me. - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). The sucker! - -_Dasher._ You, Miss Eva, you—admirable, divine, angelic—can stretch -forth that hand to save Dasher from dashing himself into the valley. - -_Eva._ Mr. Dasher, have you been drinking? - -_Dasher._ Draughts of bliss from the fountain of love: basking in the -sunshine of your presence. O, Miss Eva, will you save me? - -_Eva._ Once again, Mr. Dasher, I tell you I do not understand you. - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). ’Twould puzzle a Dutchman. - -_Dasher._ Have I then been mistaken? have those little delicate -attentions which I fondly imagined were gaining for me a corner on your -heart—ah, I mean in your heart—been wasted on the desert air? - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). Dip’s getting airy. - -_Dasher._ On the brink of a precipice I stand— - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). On the rocks again, Dip. - -_Dasher._ Can you see me rush headlong to ruin, angelic Eva. - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). Dip’s getting high— - -_Dasher._ You are the star of my destiny; you are the prize for which I -strive, you are the divinity of my adoration. Here on my knees—(_Falls -on his knees_ L. _of_ EVA.) I swear nothing shall part us. - - _Enter_ IDA, R., _hurriedly_. - -_Ida._ O, quick, quick, Eva! I’ve got you such a partner! He’s all -impatience. Quick! the music is just about to commence. I wouldn’t have -you lose him for the world. - -_Eva._ But Ida— - -_Ida._ Don’t stop to talk. Come quick! quick! (_Drags her off_, R.) - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). Ha, ha! Dip’s left on the brink again. - -_Dasher_ (_jumping up_). Confound that girl! I’ve lost the chance. This -comes of making a long story about a very short question. The precipice -was a failure. I’ll go and pump the friend of the family. (_Exit_, C. -MULLIGRUB _comes from screen_.) - -_Mulligrub._ That can’t be Dip, after all. He’s after Eva. But he can’t -have her. Thanks to his confidential assurance, I can send him over the -precipice into the valley of disappointed hopes in short order. - - _Enter_ KIDS, C. - -_Kids._ Now weally, I saw Miss Ida enter this woom, positively saw her, -and now she’s gone. Hallo! an intrudaw. Sir, I have not the honow of -your acquaintance. This woom is the wesort, the westing-place of a bevy -of divine goddesses. No masculine mortals are allowed to entaw here. - -_Mulligrub._ Show! then you are not a masculine mortal, I take it. - -_Kids._ Sir, you are impertinent. I am—I am a particular fwiend of the -lady who is the lawful possessor of this wesort. - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). Can this be Dip? (_Aloud._) Sir, I am a -particular friend of the lady in question, being the brother of her -husband’s brother. - -_Kids._ Weally, the bwover of her husband’s bwover. Pon honow, that’s a -sort of cwoss-eyed welation. - -_Mulligrub._ What do you mean by that? Do you doubt my right to be here? - -_Kids._ Hey? wight?—no, no. (_Aside._) He must be a witch welation. -(_Aloud._) Do you know Mr. Mulligwub? - -_Mulligrub._ Intimately. - -_Kids._ I say, would it be a good inwestment to wun away with a membaw -of his family? - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). It must be Dip. Shall I mash him? No, no, the -proof first. (_Aloud._) Splendid! Can I help you? - -_Kids._ Well, I don’t know. He’s a wough specimen, and he so vulgaw. -Sold fish in a handcart, too. I detest fish, it’s on such a low scale. -Now isn’t that good? It’s owiginal, too. I don’t like the odaw. Dreadful -low people, but then, there’s lots of money. Yaas, I think I will -sacwafice myself. - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). I’ll sacrifice you, you monkey. (_Aloud._) But -tell me, who is the favored member of the family? - -_Kids._ Hush! somebody’s coming. You must wetire. - -_Mulligrub._ What, and lose the fun? No, I thank you. - -_Kids._ You must, weally. The lady is coming. It would shock her -delicate nerves were you to be pwesent at the interview. So go, that’s a -dear fellah. (_Pushes him back_, C.) - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). He calls me a good fellah. Shall I fell him on -the spot? No, I’ll wait; vengeance can afford to wait. - -_Kids._ Do wetire, and, when it’s all ovaw, I will call you. (_Pushes -him back_, C.) Good fellah. - -_Mulligrub._ You’ll call me when it’s all over. (_Aside._) I’ll be on -hand while it’s going on. - - [_Exit_, C. - -_Kids._ There, the bwover of the husband’s bwover is excluded from the -apartment of the wife of the bwover’s husband—no, that ain’t it, it’s -the bwover’s wife’s husband—no, or—(_Mulligrub enters_, C., _and gets -behind screen_.) Here she comes, lovely as a poppy, because she’s got a -rich poppy. That’s good—owiginal, too. - - _Enter_ IDA, R. - -_Ida._ Here I am, Mr. Kids, to fulfill my promise. - -_Kids._ Yaas, Miss Ida, like the bounding fawn that—that—weally, I -forget what the bounding fawn was doing—O, weally, bounding, of course. -That’s very good—isn’t it?—owiginal, too. But where was the bounding -fawn bound? that’s the question. - -_Ida._ I wish I could answer your question, but, not being versed in -natural history, I am unable to say. - -_Kids._ Weally. Well, never mind the fawn. Listen, O, listen! I’m a -miserable wetch, I am. - -_Ida._ Miserable? you? - -_Kids_. Yaas, weally. I’m standing—I’m standing,—where am I standing?—O, -on the bwink of a howid pwecipice. - -_Mulligrub_ (_sticking his head above screen_). Hallo! another brink, -another precipice, and—Ida, as I live. - -_Ida._ La, Mr. Kids, what a dangerous position. - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). Kids; then it’s not Dip, that’s certain. - -_Kids._ O, dweadful, dweadful. But you can save me. - -_Ida._ How, Mr. Kids? - -_Kids._ That’s the ideah, Miss Ida; for when a fellah is on the bwink of -such a pwecipice, as the pwecipice I am on the bwink of, the best way to -save him is to push him ovaw. - -_Ida._ Well, that’s certainly an original idea. - -_Kids._ Yaas, it is an owiginal, idea—mine, too—I found it in my bwain, -with the help of the diwectory. When a fellah’s on the bwink of -matwimony, of course his safety and his happiness is secured by his -being pushed into it. You see my ideah. - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). Deuced clumsy one. - -_Ida._ But how can I help you? - -_Kids._ By pushing me ovaw. Miss Ida, you are bewitching, you are -lovely, you are divine, and on my knees I ask you (_falls on his knees_ -L. _of_ IDA) to give me a push. - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). Confounded jackass. - -_Ida._ But, Mr. Kids, I don’t understand. You’re so—so—(_Aside._) Where -can Eva be? (_Aloud._) You say you are on the brink of a precipice. - -_Kids._ Howid, howid; and if you consent to be— - - _Enter_ EVA, R. - -_Eva._ Quick, quick, Ida! mother’s fainted. - -_Ida._ You don’t mean it? - -_Eva._ Yes, yes, come quick! What are you waiting for? - -_Ida._ But Mr. Kids is on the brink of a precipice. - -_Eva._ Let him stay there. Come with me. (_Drags_ EVA _off_, R.) - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). Won’t somebody be kind enough to remove that -precipice? - -_Kids_ (_rising_). Yaas, weally, that owiginal ideah will kill me, I -know it will. I must go and bathe my head in Cologne, I must weally. -Miss Ida didn’t push well; in fact, I don’t believe she’s fond of -pushing fellah’s ovaw, I don’t, weally. - - [_Exit_, C. - -_Mulligrub_ (_comes from behind screen_). I don’t think that’s Dip—I -don’t, weally. Egad! those girls of mine are determined not to be caught -by chaff. I wonder if I can say as much for the old lady. I wish she -would make her appearance. This must be the room. Ah, here she comes. -Now for something interesting. (_Runs behind screen._) - - _Enter_ MRS. MULLIGRUB, R. - -_Mrs. M._ The fiddlers are tuning up for a waltz, and if Munseer Adonis -is to keep his word now is the time. I wonder what Moses would say if he -knew what I was about. But he can’t know. He’s safe at home, and there’s -certainly no harm in obtaining a graceful _inquisition_ to my other -accomplishments. (_Music, Beautiful Blue Danube, soft and low._) There -they go. O, isn’t that splendid. (_Waltzes about stage in a very awkward -manner._) - -_Mulligrub_ (_with head above screen_). What’s the matter with Hannah? -She’s bobbing about the room like a turkey with’s its head off. - - _Enter_ MONSIEUR ADONIS, R. - -_Mons. A._ _Charmant, charmant!_ (_Music stops._) Madam, you are ze -ecstasy of motion. You have ze grace of ze antelope, and ze step of ze -fairy. - -_Mrs. M._ O, don’t! You have come— - -_Mons. A._ Wiz ze “Boston Dip,” as I have promise. - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). “Boston Dip.” That’s him—the scoundrel! - -_Mrs. M._ O, I’m so nervous. - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). You ought to be, you hypocrite. - -_Mons. M._ Zar is not ze least occasion. We are here alone. - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). Not quite, Dip, not quite. - -_Mons. A._ No one will dare to enter here. Zar is none to look at you -but I, and am I not discretion itself, madam? - -_Mrs. M._ O, you are the soul of honor. - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). Humbug! - -_Mons. M._ Now, zar is no time to lose. Permit me. (_Takes her hand and -leads her_ C.) - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). Dip’s taking her hand. I shall choke! - -_Mons. A._ Put your left hand in mine—so. - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). She obeys him. Ah, faithless Hannah! - -_Mons. A._ Zat is good. Do not tremble—zar is no danger. - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). Don’t be so sure of that. - -_Mons. A._ Now, my arm around your waist—so. - -_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). O, perfidious Hannah! - -_Mons. A._ Now let your head drop upon ze collar of my coat. Ah, zat is -good, zat is exquisite. - -_Mulligrub._ She presses his collar, and my cholar is rising. I shall -choke with rage. - -_Mons. M._ All right. Now, one, two, three, and off we go. - -_Mulligrub_ (_pushing the screen over on to the floor. Discovered -standing in a chair, with doubled fist_). Stop! (_Very loud._) - -_Mrs. M._ Ah! (_Screams, and falls into_ MONSIEUR ADONIS’S _arms_.) - -_Mons. A._ Sacre! Who calls so loud? - -_Mulligrub._ An injured husband. - -_Mrs. M._ (_jumping up_). O, it’s Moses! - -_Mulligrub._ Yes, it is Moses! Moses the deluded; Moses the deceived; -Moses the betrayed; Moses on the brink of a precipice. - -_Mom. A._ Moses!—Who be Moses? - -_Mrs. M._ My husband. - -_Mons. A._ Monsieur Mulligrub! O, ze light break upon my head. - -_Mulligrub_ (_jumping down_). Tremble, rascal! You’re discovered. Woman, -begone! O, Hannah! can I believe my eyes. You—you make an appointment -with such a miserable, contemptible, sneaking cur as that? But I’ll be -revenged, rascal! (_Takes_ MONSIEUR ADONIS _by throat_.) Blaster of -peaceful families (_shaking him_), I’ll have your life! - -_Mons. A._ Help! help! I am choke all over too much! Help! help! - -_Mrs. M._ O, Moses, spare him! - -_Mulligrub._ Never! I’ll shake the life out of him. Rascal! - -_Mons. A._ Help! somebody, quick! - -_Mulligrub._ Scoundrel! - -_Mons. A._ Help! help! He squeeze my windpipe all too much. - - _Enter_, R., IDA _and_ EVA; C., DASHER _and_ KIDS. - -_Eva._ Father here? - -_Ida._ And fighting? - -_Dasher._ What is the meaning of this? - -_Kids._ Weally, a wow, a wiot, a wumpus! - -_Mulligrub._ Meaning of it! Look at this miserable wretch!—this thing -who answers to the name of “Boston Dip.” - -_All._ “Boston Dip.” - -_Mons. A._ Sar, you insult me. My name is Monsieur Achilles Adonis. - -_Eva._ And “Boston Dip” is the name given to the latest movement of the -waltz. - -_Mulligrub._ What, not the name of an individual? Then, what is the -meaning of that? (_Shows note._) - -_Mons. A._ Zat is my note, monsieur. - -_Mrs. M._ Yes, written by me to Monsieur Adonis, asking him to give me a -private lesson here. - -_Eva._ And father thought it a love affair? O, father! - -_Ida._ A man with the name of “Boston Dip!” O, father! - -_Dasher._ Friend of the family, you’ve made a mistake. - -_Kids._ Yaas, dipped into the wong man. Now isn’t that good—owiginal, -too. - -_Mulligrub_ (_looks at each in a foolish manner, then takes_ MRS. -MULLIGRUB _by the hand; leads her_ C., _and kneels_). Hannah, I’m on the -brink of a frightful precipice. I’ve made a fool of myself. Forgive me, -and let’s go home. - -_Mrs. M._ I think you have, Moses. - -_Dasher._ There’s not the least doubt of it. - -_Kids._ Yaas, Moses into the bull-wushes! That’s good—weally owiginal, -too. - -_Mulligrub_ (_rising_). Monsieur Adonis, I beg your pardon for my -rudeness. I will make amends, ample reparation. Greenbacks shall shower -upon your classic academy. To you, gentlemen, I need make no apologies. -You see the old man has “cut up,” and perhaps may be made to “shell -out.” I don’t think my girls will be able to assist you on that -precipice. With your permission, I will retire. - -_Eva._ Don’t go, father. Stay and enjoy yourself. - -_Ida._ And see us waltz. We have splendid partners. - -_Mons. A._ Proficient in all ze elegancies of ze art. - -_Mrs. M._ Moses, I’m ashamed of you. You’re really _proficient_ in the -usages of fashionable _depravity_; but I’ll forgive you, and make you -acquainted with my new flame, one which you so grievously mistook, my -harmless pet, “The Boston Dip.” (_Music, Beautiful Blue Danube._ MR. -MULLIGRUB _bows, and retires up_, C. _Waltz_, MONSIEUR ADONIS _and_ MRS. -MULLIGRUB; DASHER _and_ EVA; KIDS _and_ IDA.) - - - CURTAIN. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - SPENCER’S UNIVERSAL STAGE. - - - _A Collection of COMEDIES, DRAMAS, and - FARCES, adapted to either Public or - Private Performance. Containing a full - description of all the necessary Stage - Business._ - - ---------- - - _PRICE, 15 CENTS EACH._ ☞ _No Plays exchanged._ - - ---------- - -1. =Lost in London.= A Drama in Three Acts. 6 Male, 4 Female characters. - -2. =Nicholas Flam.= A Comedy In Two Acts. By J.B. Buckstone. 5 Male, 3 - Female characters. - -3. =The Welsh Girl.= A Comedy in One Act. By Mrs. Planche. 3 Male, 2 - Female characters. - -4. =John Wopps.= A Farce in One Act. By W.E. Suter. 4 Male, 2 Female - characters. - -5. =The Turkish Bath.= A Farce in One Act. By Montague Williams and F.C. - Burnand. 6 Male, 1 Female character. - -6. =The Two Puddifoots.= A Farce in One Act. By J.M. Morton. 3 Male, 3 - Female characters. - -7. =Old Honesty.= A Comic Drama in Two Acts. By J.M. Morton. 5 Male, 2 - Female characters. - -8. =Two Gentlemen in a Fix.= A Farce in One Act. By W.E. Suter. 2 Male - characters. - -9. =Smashington Goit.= A Farce in One Act. By T.J. Williams. 5 Male, 3 - Female characters. - -10. =Two Heads Better than One.= A Farce in One Act. By Lenox Horne. 4 - Male, 1 Female character. - -11. =John Dobbs.= A Farce in One Act. By J.M. Morton. 5 Male, 2 Female - characters. - -12. =The Daughter of the Regiment.= A Drama in Two Acts. By Edward - Fitzball. 6 Male, 2 Female characters. - -13. =Aunt Charlotte’s Maid.= A Farce in One Act. By J.M. Morton. 3 Male, - 3 Female characters. - -14. =Brother Bill and Me.= A Farce In One Act. By W.E. Suter. 4 Male, 3 - Female characters. - -15. =Done on Both Sides.= A Farce in One Act. By J.M. Morton. 3 Male, 2 - Female characters. - -16. =Dunducketty’s Picnic.= A Farce in One Act. By T.J. Williams. 6 - Male, 3 Female characters. - -17. =I’ve written to Browne.= A Farce in One Act. By T.J. Williams. 4 - Male, 3 Female characters. - -18. =Lending a Hand.= A Farce In One Act. By G.A. A’Becket. 3 Male, 2 - Female characters. - -19. =My Precious Betsy.= A Farce in One Act. By J.M. Morton. 4 Male, 4 - Female characters. - -20. =My Turn Next.= A Farce in One Act. By T.J. Williams. 4 Male, 3 - Female characters. - -21. =Nine Points of the Law.= A Comedy in One Act. By Tom Taylor. 4 - Male, 3 Female characters. - -22. =The Phantom Breakfast.= A Farce in One Act. By Charles Selby. 3 - Male, 2 Female characters. - -23. =Dandelions Dodges.= A Farce in One Act. By T.J. Williams. 4 Male, 2 - Female characters. - -24. =A Slice of Luck.= A Farce in One Act. By J.M. Morton. 4 Male, 2 - Female characters. - -25. =Always Intended.= A Comedy in One Act. By Horace Wigan. 3 Male, 3 - Female characters. - -26. =A Bull in a China Shop.= A Comedy in Two Acts. By Charles Matthews. - 6 Male, 4 Female characters. - -27. =Another Glass.= A Drama in One Act. By Thomas Morton. 6 Male, 3 - Female characters. - -28. =Bowled Out.= A Farce in One Act. By H.T. Craven. 4 Male, 3 Female - characters. - -29. =Cousin Tom.= A Commedietta in One Act. By George Roberts. 3 Male, 2 - Female characters. - -30. =Sarah’s Young Man.= A Farce in One Act. By W.E. Suter. 3 Male, 3 - Female characters. - -31. =Hit Him, He has No Friends.= A Farce in One Act. By E. Yates and - N.H. Harrington. 7 Male, 3 Female characters. - -32. =The Christening.= A Farce in One Act. By J.B. Buckstone. 5 Male, 6 - Female characters. - -33. =A Race for a Widow.= A Farce in One Act. By Thomas J. Williams. 5 - Male, 4 Female characters. - -34. =Your Life’s in Danger.= A Farce in One Act. By J.M. Morton. 3 Male, - 3 Female characters. - -35. =True unto Death.= A Drama in Two Acts. By J. Sheridan Knowles. 6 - Male, 2 Female characters. - -36. =Diamond cut Diamond.= An Interlude in One Act. By W.H. Murray. 10 - Male, 1 Female character. - -37. =Look after Brown.= A Farce in One Act. By George A. Stuart, M.D. 6 - Male, 1 Female character. - -38. =Monseigneur.= A Drama in Three Acts. By Thomas Archer. 15 Male, 3 - Female characters. - -39. =A very pleasant Evening.= A Farce in One Act. By W.E. Suter. 3 Male - characters. - -40. =Brother Ben.= A Farce in One Act. By J.M. Morton. 3 Male, 3 Female - characters. - -41. =Only a Clod.= A Comic Drama in One Act. By J.P. Simpson. 4 Male, 1 - Female character. - -42. =Gaspardo the Gondolier.= A Drama in Three Acts. By George Almar. 10 - Male, 2 Female characters. - -43. =Sunshine through the Clouds.= A Drama in One Act. By Slingsby - Lawrence. 3 Male, 3 Female characters. - -44. =Don’t Judge by Appearances.= A Farce in One Act. By J.M. Morton. 3 - Male, 2 Female characters. - -45. =Nursey Chickweed.= A Farce in One Act. By T.J. Williams. 4 Male, 2 - Female characters. - -46. =Mary Moo; or, Which shall I Marry?= A Farce in One Act. By W.E. - Suter. 2 Male, 1 Female character. - -47. =East Lynne.= A Drama in Five Acts. 8 Male, 7 Female characters. - -48. =The Hidden Hand.= A Drama in Five Acts. By Robert Jones. 16 Male, 7 - Female characters. - -49. =Silverstone’s Wager.= A Commedietta in One Act. By R.R. Andrews. 4 - Male, 3 Female characters. - -50. =Dora.= A Pastoral Drama in Three Acts. By Charles Reade. 5 Male, 2 - Female characters. - -51. =Blanks and Prizes.= A Farce in One Act. By Dexter Smith. 5 Male, 2 - Female characters. - -52. =Old Gooseberry.= A Farce in One Act. By T.J. Williams. 4 Male, 2 - Female characters. - -53. =Who’s Who.= A Farce in One Act. By T.J. Williams. 3 Male, 2 Female - characters. - -54. =Bouquet.= A Farce in One Act. 2 Male, 3 Female characters. - -55. =The Wife’s Secret.= A Play in Five Acts. By George W. Lovell. 10 - Male, 2 Female characters. - -56. =The Babes in the Wood.= A Comedy in Three Acts. By Tom Taylor. 10 - Male, 3 Female characters. - -57. =Putkins: Heir to Castles in the Air.= A Comic Drama in One Act. By - W.R. Emerson. 2 Male, 2 Female characters. - -58. =An Ugly Customer.= A Farce in One Act. By Thomas J. Williams. 3 - Male, 2 Female characters. - -59. =Blue and Cherry.= A Comedy in One Act. 3 Male, 2 Female characters. - -60. =A Doubtful Victory.= A Comedy in One Act. 3 Male, 2 Female - characters. - -61. =The Scarlet Letter.= A Drama in Three Acts. 8 Male, 7 Female - characters. - -62. =Which will have Him?= A Vaudeville. 1 Male, 2 Female characters. - -63. =Madam is Abed.= A Vaudeville in One Act. 2 Male, 2 Female - characters. - -64. =The Anonymous Kiss.= A Vaudeville. 2 Male, 2 Female characters. - -65. =The Cleft Stick.= A Comedy in Three Acts. 5 Male, 3 Female - characters. - -66. =A Soldier, a Sailor, a Tinker, and a Tailor.= A Farce in One Act. 4 - Male, 2 Female characters. - -67. =Give a Dog a Bad Name.= A Farce. 2 Male, 2 Female Characters. - -68. =Damon and Pythias.= A Farce. 6 Male, 4 Female characters. - -69. =A Husband to Order.= A Serio-Comic Drama in Two Acts. 5 Male, 3 - Female characters. - -70. =Payable on Demand.= A Domestic Drama in Two Acts. 7 Male, 1 Female - character. - - ---------------------------- - - _Price, 15 cents each. - Descriptive Catalogue mailed free on application to_ - - GEO. M. BAKER & CO., - - 149 WASHINGTON ST., BOSTON. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - Plays for Amateur Theatricals. - - By GEORGE M. BAKER. - - _Author of “Amateur Dramas,” “The - Mimic Stage,” “The Social Stage,” - “The Drawing-room Stage,” “A Baker’s - Dozen,” &c._ - - =Titles in this Type are New Plays.= - - ---------------------------- - - - DRAMAS. - - _In Three Acts._ - - _Cts._ - - =My Brother’s Keeper.= 5 male, 3 female 15 - characters. - - _In Two Acts._ - - =Among the Breakers.= 6 male, 4 female 15 - characters. - - SYLVIA’S SOLDIER. 3 male, 2 female 15 - characters. - - ONCE ON A TIME. 4 male, 2 female 15 - characters. - - DOWN BY THE SEA. 6 male, 3 female 15 - characters. - - BREAD ON THE WATERS. 5 male, 3 female 15 - characters. - - THE LAST LOAF. 5 male, 3 female 15 - characters. - - _In One Act._ - - STAND BY THE FLAG. 5 male characters. 15 - THE TEMPTER. 3 male, 1 female charac. 15 - - COMEDIES and FARCES. - - =The Boston Dip.= 4 male, 3 female 15 - characters. - - =The Duchess of Dublin.= 6 male, 4 15 - female characters. - - WE’RE ALL TEETOTALERS. 4 male, 2 female 15 - characters. - - A DROP TOO MUCH. 4 male, 2 female 15 - characters. - - THIRTY MINUTES FOR REFRESHMENTS. 4 male, 15 - 3 female characters. - - A LITTLE MORE CIDER. 5 male, 3 female 15 - characters. - - _Male Characters Only._ - - =Gentlemen of the Jury.= 12 char. 15 - =A Tender Attachment.= 7 char. 15 - =The Thief of Time.= 6 char. 15 - =The Hypochondriac.= 5 char. 15 - =A Public Benefactor.= 6 char. 15 - =The Runaways.= 4 char. 15 - =Coals of Fire.= 6 char. 15 - WANTED, A MALE COOK. 4 char. 15 - A SEA OF TROUBLES. 8 char. 15 - - FARCES. - - FREEDOM OF THE PRESS. 8 char. 15 - A CLOSE SHAVE. 6 char. 15 - THE GREAT ELIXIR. 9 char. 15 - THE MAN WITH THE DEMIJOHN. 4 char. 15 - HUMORS OF THE STRIKE. 8 char. 15 - NEW BROOMS SWEEP CLEAN. 6 char. 15 - MY UNCLE THE CAPTAIN. 6 char. 15 - - _Female Characters Only._ - - =The Red Chignon.= 6 char. 15 - =Using the Weed.= 7 char. 15 - =A Love of a Bonnet.= 5 char. 15 - =A Precious Pickle.= 6 char. 15 - THE GREATEST PLAGUE IN LIFE. 8 cha. 15 - NO CURE, NO PAY. 7 char. 15 - THE GRECIAN BEND. 7 char. 15 - - ALLEGORIES. - _Arranged for Music and Tableaux._ - - =The Revolt of the Bees.= 9 female 15 - characters. - - LIGHTHEART’S PILGRIMAGE. 8 female 15 - characters. - - THE WAR OF THE ROSES. 8 female 15 - characters. - - THE SCULPTOR’S TRIUMPH. 1 male, 4 female 15 - characters. - - - MUSICAL AND DRAMATIC. - - =The Seven Ages.= A Tableau 15 - Entertainment. Numerous male and female - characters. - - TOO LATE FOR THE TRAIN. 2 male 15 - characters. - - SNOW BOUND; OR, ALONZO THE BRAVE AND THE 25 - FAIR IMOGENE. 3 male, 1 female - character. - - BONBONS; OR, THE PAINT-KING. 3 male, 1 25 - female character. - - THE PEDLER OF VERY NICE. 7 male 15 - characters. - - AN ORIGINAL IDEA. 1 male, 1 female 15 - character. - - CAPULETTA; OR, ROMEO AND JULIET 15 - RESTORED. 3 male, 1 female character. - - - _TEMPERANCE PIECES._ - - THE LAST LOAF. 5 male, 3 female 15 - characters. - - THE TEMPTER. 3 male, 1 female character. 15 - - WE’RE ALL TEETOTALERS. 4 male, 2 female 15 - characters. - - A DROP TOO MUCH. 4 male, 2 female 15 - characters. - - A LITTLE MORE CIDER. 5 male, 3 female 15 - characters. - - THE MAN WITH THE DEMIJOHN. 4 characters. 15 - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - Transcriber’s Note - - -Punctuation has been normalized. - -The first page of Spencer’s catalog originally located in the front of -the book has been moved to the back of the book with the balance of the -catalog pages. - -The author's choices of spelling and hyphenation, and variations threin, -have been maintained. - -Spellings of the names of the following authors listed in Spencer’s -catalog have been maintained, however it is noted to the reader they -differ from other published sources: - - Montague Williams has been noted as Montagu Williams in other sources. - - Lenox Horne has been noted as both Lennox Horne and Charles F. Lennox - Horne in other sources. - - George A. Stuart has been noted as George A. Stewart in other sources. - -Italicized words and phrases are presented by surrounding the text with -_underscores_. - -Bold-face words and phrases are presented by surrounding the text with -=equal signs=. - -The author’s use of mixed-size capital letters to identify the -characters is presented by the use of all capital letters. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Boston Dip, by George M. 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Baker - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: The Boston Dip - A Comedy, in One Act - -Author: George M. Baker - -Release Date: July 28, 2016 [EBook #52665] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE BOSTON DIP *** - - - - -Produced by David Edwards and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - -</pre> - - -<div class='figcenter id001'> -<img src='images/cover.jpg' alt='book cover' class='ig001' /> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c000'> - <div><b><span class='xlarge'>ALL THE WORLD’S A STAGE.</span></b></div> - <div class='c001'><b><span class='large'>THE</span></b></div> - <div><b><span class='xxlarge'>AMATEUR</span></b></div> - <div><b><span class='xxlarge'>DRAMA.</span></b></div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c002' /> - -<div> - <h1 class='c003'><b><span class='xlarge'>THE</span></b> <br /> <b><span class='xlarge'>BOSTON DIP</span></b></h1> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c000'> - <div>BOSTON:</div> - <div>GEO. M. BAKER & CO.</div> - <div>149 Washington Street.</div> - <div class='c004'><span class='xsmall'>KILBURN & MALLORY, SC.</span></div> - <div class='c004'><span class='small'>Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1873</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>by <span class='sc'>George M. Baker</span>, in the Office of the</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>Libraries of Congress, at Washington.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c004' /> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c000'> - <div><b><span class='xxlarge'>THE BOSTON DIP.</span></b></div> - <div class='c004'><span class='large'>A Comedy, in One Act.</span></div> - <div class='c004'>BY THE AUTHOR OF</div> - <div class='c004'><span class='small'>“Sylvia’s Soldier,”</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>“Once on a Time,” “Down by the Sea,” “The Last Loaf,”</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>“Bread on the Waters,” “Stand by the Flag,” “The Tempter,” “A Drop too</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>Much,” “We’re all Teetotalers,” “A Little more Cider,” “Thirty Minutes</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>for Refreshments,” “Wanted, a Male Cook,” “A Sea of Troubles,”</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>“Freedom of the Press,” “A Close Shave,” “The Great</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>Elixir,” “The Man with the Demijohn,” “Humors of</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>the Strike,” “New Brooms sweep Clean,” “My</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>Uncle the Captain,” “The Greatest Plague</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>in Life,” “No Cure, no Pay,” “The</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>Grecian Bend,” “A War of the</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>Roses,” “Lightheart’s</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>Pilgrimage,”</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>“The</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>Sculptor’s</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>Triumph,” “Too</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>Late for the Train,”</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>“Snow-Bound,” “The Peddler</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>of Very Nice,” “Bonbons,”</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>“Capuletta,” “An Original Idea,” “My</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>Brother’s Keeper,” “Among the Breakers,”</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>“The Boston Dip,” “The Duchess of Dublin,” “A</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>Tender Attachment,” “Gentlemen of the Jury,” “A Public</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>Benefactor,” “The Thief of Time,” “The Hypochondriac,” “The</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>Runaways,” “Coals of Fire,” “The Red Chignon,” “Using the Weed,”</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>“A Love of a Bonnet,” “A Precious Pickle,” “The Revolt</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>of the Bees,” “The Seven Ages,”</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>&c., &c., &c.</span></div> - <div class='c001'>BOSTON:</div> - <div>GEORGE M. BAKER & CO.,</div> - <div><span class='sc'>149 Washington Street</span>.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c000'> - <div>Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1873 by</div> - <div>GEORGE M. BAKER,</div> - <div>In the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington.</div> - <div class='c000'><i>Rand, Avery, & Frye, Printers, Boston.</i></div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c000'> - <div><span class='pageno' id='Page_215'>215</span><b><span class='xlarge'>THE BOSTON DIP.</span></b></div> - <div class='c004'><b><span class='large'>A COMEDIETTA, IN ONE ACT.</span></b></div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <h2 class='c005'><b>CHARACTERS.</b></h2> -</div> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Mr. Moses Mulligrub</span>, once Proprietor of a Fish-cart, now a rich Speculator.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='sc'>Monsieur Adonis</span>, a Dancing-Master.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='sc'>Mr. Richard Dasher</span>, a Fast Man.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='sc'>Mr. Lavender Kids</span>, an Exquisite.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='sc'>Mrs. Moses Mulligrub.</span></p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='sc'>Miss Ida Mulligrub.</span></p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='sc'>Miss Eva Mulligrub.</span></p> - -<div> - <h2 class='c005'><b>COSTUMES</b></h2> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c001'> - <div>Full Evening Dress.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <h2 class='c008' title='SCENE.'><span class='sc'>Scene.</span>—</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c009'><i>Handsome drawing room in</i> <span class='sc'>Monsieur Adonis’s</span> -<i>Academy. Entrances</i>, <span class='fss'>R.</span>, <span class='fss'>L.</span>, <i>and</i> <span class='fss'>C.</span> <i>Lounges,</i> <span class='fss'>R.</span> <i>and</i> -<span class='fss'>L.</span> <i>Screen,</i> <span class='fss'>L.</span> <i>corner, back. Two chairs,</i> <span class='fss'>R.</span> <i>and</i> <span class='fss'>L.</span> <i>of -door in flat</i>.</p> - -<p class='c010'><span class='pageno' id='Page_216'>216</span><i>Music, as curtain rises, Straus’s waltz, “Beautiful Blue -Danube.”</i> <span class='sc'>Miss Ida</span> <i>and</i> <span class='sc'>Miss Eva</span> <i>discovered waltzing, -introducing “The Boston Dip.” They waltz a few -moments, then stop. Music ceases.</i></p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> Now, isn’t that delightful?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Delightful! It’s positively bewitching. Bless -that dear Monsieur Adonis. He deserves a crown of -roses for introducing to his assembly the latest Terpsichorean -novelty. O, we shall have a splendid time to-night!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> Especially as those charming waltzers, Messrs. -Richard Dasher and Lavender Kids, “the glass of -fashion and the mould of form,” are to honor us with -their presence.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Yes, indeed. What would the dance be without -them?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> Not worth the trouble of dressing. But don’t -you think that Mr. Dasher is a little too attentive to Miss -Eva Mulligrub,—eh, sister?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Not more attentive, certainly, than is Mr. Lavender -Kids to her charming sister, Miss Ida Mulligrub.—Eh, -sister?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> But seriously, Eva, I begin to think that you -are carrying this matter a little too far. Mr. Dasher -might reasonably expect, from the partiality you unhesitatingly -show for his society, and the smiles you bestow -upon him, to be considered your lover.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> You begin to think. Why, bless you, Ida, I’ve -thought and thought and thought, for a long time, that -<span class='pageno' id='Page_217'>217</span>were I Mr. Lavender Kids, I should pop the question at -once, so undeniably entranced are you by his attentions.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> Eva!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Ida!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> You’re talking nonsense.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Well, you began it.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> But you know you like Mr. Dasher.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> To be sure I do. He’s the best waltzer in the -city. Graceful, agreeable, and decidedly good-looking.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> And you would marry him?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Not unless he asked me, and then—</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> And then—</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> I should remember that he is considered a fortune-hunter, -that he is too fond of horses, that possibly -he might have an eye on father’s bank-book, that I don’t -want such a husband, and should very sweetly, calmly, -but decidedly say, No, thank you, Mr. Dasher.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> Exactly what I should say to Mr. Kids, without -the sweetness and calmness.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> I hope we shall not have the chance, for then, -of course, we should lose their society—and they are -such superb waltzers.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> But what in the world could have possessed -mother to have us come so early. Hurry, girls, hurry! -And here we are before the hall is lighted.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> I’m sure I don’t know. It’s one of her whims. -One would hardly think that, at her age, she would care -for dancing.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> But she does. I caught her to-day attempting a -waltz before the glass in her room; and such work as she -did make of it!</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_218'>218</span><i>Eva.</i> She’s not very nimble with her weight of years -and flesh, but she would come to-night, and without -father, too.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> Catch him in such a place! No doubt he’s -already snoring at home in his easy-chair, speculating on -corner lots in his dreams.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Better that than the old life, dragging a handcart -through the streets, and shouting, “Cod! haddock! -halibut! eel—eel—eel—eels!”</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> Why, Eva, don’t speak of that; and such a -noise, too.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Who cares. Everybody knows what we once -were, and I, for one, am not going to be ashamed of father’s -old occupation. He has made money in an honest way: -so let us have no false pride, Ida. “Cod! haddock! halibut! -eel—eel—eel—eels!”</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><i>Enter</i> <span class='sc'>Mrs. Mulligrub, c.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> Well, I never! Eva Mulligrub, I’m blushing -with shame, petrified with mortification, and stunned -with grief, to hear such words as those proceeding from -your lips. I never heard such language before, never.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Why, mother! And I’ve heard father say those -very words brought you to the window many a time -when he passed; that they were the bait by which you -were caught, and that you were the best catch he ever -made.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> Fiddle-de-de! That’s his twaddle. We’re -above such language now. But come, girls, fix me up! -I’m all coming to pieces. Is that what’s-its-name behind -all right, and this thingumbob on my neck, and the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_219'>219</span>what-you-may-call-it on top of my head? Dear me, I’m all in -a pucker.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> Everything about your dress is charming, -mother.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> Well, I’m glad on’t. Now girls, look here, -I’ve made an assignment with Munseer What’s-his-name -to-night.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> A what?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> Assignment? You mean an appointment.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> Well, it’s all the same. I’m going to learn -to do that dipper thing, if I die for it.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> I don’t understand.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> She means The Boston Dip.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> That’s it—where you go tipping about, -while the fiddlers play Struse’s Beautiful Blue Dan-<i>u</i>-by.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> You, mother, learn to waltz!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> And why not? There’s Mrs. What’s-her-name -gets through it, and she’s older and heavier than I. -I’m going to learn it. What’s the use of having money -if you can’t spin round like other folks. But don’t say a -word to your father. Bless me, how he would roar! But -he’s safe at home, snoozing in his chair by this time. I’ve -arranged it all. I’ve engaged this drawing-room for my -own party, and when you’re all dancing in the hall, -Muns<i>ee</i>r A—A—what’s-his-name will slip in here, and -practice the waltz with me, and nobody will know anything -about it until I’m deficient.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> Proficient, mother.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> Well, what’s the difference? It’s all arranged. -I’m not going to make a fool of myself before -folks when I can pay for private lessons.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><span class='pageno' id='Page_220'>220</span><span class='sc'>Dasher</span> <i>appears,</i> <span class='small'><span class='fss'>C.</span></span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher</i> (<i>loud</i>). Eureka!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> (<i>starting</i>). Good gracious! You what?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> “Fortune favors the brave.” Like Cæsar, -I came, I saw, and I’m overcome. May I come in?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> Certainly, Mr. Dasher. Your presence always -adds a charm to our—what’s-its-name—circular.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> Circle, mother.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> Well, what’s the odds?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> Thank you, Mrs. Mulligrub. You are arrayed -like an empress; Miss Ida, your costume is only -eclipsed by your charming face; Miss Eva—</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> “Last but not least in our dear love,” must of -course be divine; so spare my blushes and your breath. -(<i>Sits on lounge</i>, <span class='small'><span class='fss'>R.</span></span>)</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> Thank you. And now congratulate me. I -threw down my pen, after a hard fight with figures, to -seek the lonely recesses of my bachelor’s quarters, heartily -sick of life, when it suddenly occurred to me that this -evening Monsieur Adonis gives one of his charming assemblies. -Perhaps, thought I, there I may find rest for -my weary brain from the figures of the ledger, which -are dancing in my head, in the figures of the dance. But -did I dream of falling into such charming society? No; -most emphatically and decidedly, no. Therefore, like -Cæsar—</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> And pray, Mr. Dasher, who is this Cæsar -you’re making such a fuss about?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> Why, mother!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> La, child, there’s nobody of that name I’m -acquainted with.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_221'>221</span><i>Ida.</i> You know, mother, Cæsar was the great Roman -general, who—</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> La, yes; Mr. Dasher was only speaking -metagorically. Cæsar was the man who crossed the -what’s-its-name, and was stabbed by a brute.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Never mind Cæsar. Here’s my card, Mr. -Dasher. Of course your name will be the first I shall -allow upon it.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher</i> (<i>sits on lounge beside</i> <span class='sc'>Eva</span>). Am I to be so -highly honored. (<i>Takes card.</i>)</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> For a waltz, and only one.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> La, child, don’t be so unscrupulous. You’ll -dance till you drop if you get a chance.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> Hush, mother.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> Now what’s the matter with you? Mr. -What’s-his-name will dance with you, too. Don’t be so -anxious.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> O, dear, was there ever such a torment. (<i>Sits -on lounge</i>, <span class='small'><span class='fss'>L.</span></span>)</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><i>Enter</i> <span class='sc'>Kids, c.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids</i> (<i>with glass to his eye</i>). Now, weally! Have I -stumbled into the bodwaw of a bevy of enchanting goddesses?—have -I, weally?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> O, Mr. Kids!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> You have, weally, Mr. Kids.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> Lavender, my boy, how are you?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> And will the divine goddesses permit me to -entaw, to disturb their tableaw of beauty with my horwid -figgaw?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Yes, trot your horwid figgaw in, Mr. Kids.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> Eva, I’m astonished at such language as -those. Mr. Kids, we are delighted to see you.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_222'>222</span><i>Ida.</i> Yes, indeed, Mr. Kids. I’ve kept my card for -you.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> Divine creachaw, you overpowaw me—you do, -weally. (<i>Sits on lounge beside</i> <span class='sc'>Ida</span>, <i>and takes her card.</i>) -Just one waltz?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> As many as you please, Mr. Kids.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> Now that’s what I call generous. I wonder -where Mr.—no, Muns<i>ee</i>r—Adonis can be. (<i>Retires -up.</i>)</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Mr. Dasher, how can you tell such falsehoods, -when you know, that I know, that you know, we were to -be here to-night.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> What a knowing young lady. It’s one of -the frailties of masculine nature, Miss Eva. I’m glad I -was not George Washington, for I should certainly have -spoiled that hatchet story by a lie. Now I am here, -dear Miss Eva, overpowered with the burden of a -weighty secret, I am going to disclose it. I—I—</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> I say, Dashaw, I’ve had my bwains surveyed -to-day.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> Have you? I didn’t know you had any.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> Yaas, several. Destwuctiveness, combativeness, -idolitwy—</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> Ideality.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> Yaas, it’s vewry wemarkable how those phwenological -fellaws lay out your bwains, and name them just -like—aw—stweets.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher</i> (<i>aside</i>). They must have labeled some of -yours “No Thoroughfare.”</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> O, don’t talk about brains, Mr. Kids. The -discussion of such a subject might fly to your head.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_223'>223</span><i>Dasher.</i> And so light is the material there, cause a -conflagration.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> Yaas, yaas, like a Mansard woof. And, Dashaw, -I’ve got a diwectory of my bwains, and it’s deucedly -clevaw; for if an ideah gets into my bwains, I can trace -it out in the diwectory, and tell just where it lies, you -know, and know just where to find it. Deuced clevaw.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher</i> (<i>aside</i>). ’Twould die of starvation before you -found it.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> (<i>comes down</i>). Ah, here’s Munseer Adonis -at last!</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><i>Enter</i> <span class='sc'>Monsieur Adonis, r.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mons. A.</i> <i>Charmant, charmant</i>, leedies and gentimen, -I kees your hands. You do me proud. I feel ze glow -of satisfaction in ze inermost inside of zis bosom, when -you do me ze <i>grande honneur</i> to grace my salon wiz your -presence. I feel ze glow all ovar.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> O, Munseer Adonis!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Politest of Frenchmen.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> Paragon of dancing-masters.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mons. A.</i> Pardon me, <i>charmant</i> medmoiselles and -adorable madam, if ze modest blush of shame paint my -cheek wiz ze hues of ze roses. I am ze humble instrument -of ze divine art which gives ze grace to ze figure, -and ze airy lightness to ze beautiful toes of madam and -ze <i>charmant</i> medmoiselles.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Now, Munseer Adonis, we are all impatience. -When will the dance begin?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mons. A.</i> On ze instant. Ze company have assemble -in ze grande salon. When madam and her friends make -ze grande entrée, zen will ze music strike ze signal.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> We are all ready.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_224'>224</span><i>Mrs. M.</i> Munseer Adonis, one word with you.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mons. A.</i> Wiz ze uttermost pleasure. Am I not ze -slave of ze matchless madam (<i>aside</i>) and her money. -(<i>They retire up stage, and converse.</i>)</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> Miss Eva, I must have an interview with -you this evening. I have much to say. Meet me here -in half an hour.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Certainly. I’ll slip away at the first opportunity.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> Thank you. The first dance is mine, you -remember.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> Aw, Miss Ida, I must speak with you alone; I -must, weally. There’s something on my bwain—no—on -my bweast, that must be welieved. Don’t go. Stay -behind with me.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> And lose the first dance?—No, indeed.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> Weally, I couldn’t ask that. Couldn’t you contwive -to meet me here alone?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> At the first opportunity. I’ll do my best. -(<i>Rises.</i>) Eva, one moment.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva</i> (<i>rises and comes,</i> <span class='small'><span class='fss'>C.</span></span>). Well, dear?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> Don’t you think, Mr. Kids wants me to meet -him here alone.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Does he? The same thought must have wandered -into his bwain that crept into Mr. Dasher’s, for he -expects me to meet him here alone.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> Do you know what it all means?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Certainly—proposals.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> And will you permit Mr. Dasher—</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> No, indeed. Marry that fickle thing? Never!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> Exactly my mind. Mr. Kid’s a fool.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_225'>225</span><i>Eva.</i> But, like Mr. Dasher, a splendid waltzer. We -cannot afford to lose them.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> Indeed we cannot. Partners are so scarce.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> They want father’s money.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> But they must not have his daughters.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> No, indeed. You watch me, and I’ll watch -you, and there’ll be no proposals. (<i>Retire to</i> <span class='small'><span class='fss'>R.</span></span> <i>and</i> <span class='small'><span class='fss'>L.</span></span> -<span class='sc'>Monsieur Adonis</span> <i>and</i> <span class='sc'>Mrs. Mulligrub</span> <i>come down -stage.</i>)</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> And you got my note, Munseer Adonis?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mons. A.</i> Ah, madam, I have it next my heart. (<i>Produces -an envelope, opens it, takes out note, puts envelope in -his pocket. Reads.</i>) “Meet me in the private drawing-room -when ze company are waltzing. Do not fail me. -Hannah Mulligrub.” Zat is all it say.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> But you know what it means. I am anxious -to learn “The Boston Dip.” Were I to come to your -school I should be laughed at, but here, while the company -are waltzing, no one would know it, and the inspiring -music would aid me. I don’t want to make a fool -of myself, you understand.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mons. A.</i> Certainly. All zat I shall remember. I -have written on ze back of ze note “Boston Dip.” I put -him in ze pocket wiz my handkerchief, so zat when I -pull him out to wipe my face ze note will arrest my attention, -and I shall fly to you, madam. (<i>Puts note and -handkerchief in his pocket.</i>)</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> O, you Frenchmen are so inveterate.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> Come, Monsieur Adonis, the dance, the -dance! I’m all impatience (<i>aside to</i> <span class='sc'>Eva</span>) for its -end.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_226'>226</span><i>Kids.</i> Weally, the delay is vexatious; it is, weally. -(<i>Aside to</i> <span class='sc'>Ida</span>.) Meet me here, you know.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mons. A.</i> Pardon me, I am all impatience. <i>Charmant</i>, -madam, shall I have ze pleasure. (<i>Offers his arm to</i> -<span class='sc'>Mrs. Mulligrub</span>.) Ze night is ver warm, ver warm. -(<i>Music, “Beautiful Blue Danube.”</i> <span class='sc'>Monsieur Adonis</span> -<i>takes out his handkerchief. The note falls on stage. He -wipes his face, passes out door,</i> <span class='small'><span class='fss'>R.</span></span>, <i>followed by</i> <span class='sc'>Dasher</span> -<i>and</i> <span class='sc'>Eva</span>, <span class='sc'>Kids</span> <i>and</i> <span class='sc'>Ida</span>.)</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><i>Enter</i> <span class='sc'>Mulligrub, c.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub.</i> So, so, here we are, Mrs. Mulligrub, unexpectedly, -and no doubt unwelcome. You imagine -the old codger snoozing away at home, but here he -is, and wide awake too. It’s about time the head of -the house knew what is going on. And here’s where the -money goes. Well, who cares? There’s lots of it, so -let it fly. But I’ve a wonderful curiosity to know how -my Hannah carries herself among all these fine snobs, -so I’m bound to have a peep. (<i>Goes towards door</i>, <span class='small'><span class='fss'>R.</span></span> -<i>Sees note on carpet.</i>) Hallo! what’s this? a billy-deux? -(<i>Picking it up.</i>) Where’s my specs? (<i>Reads.</i>) “Meet -me”—ho, ho! here’s a nice little plot—(<i>reads</i>)—“in -the private drawing-room”—that’s here—(<i>reads</i>)—“while -the company are waltzing. Do not fail me. -Hannah Mulligrub.” My wife! Ye gods and little -fishes! my wife. “Do not fail me.” Is this the reward -of my generosity? My wife! What does it mean? -Who is the scoundrel that is tampering with the affections -of Hannah, and the peace of Moses Mulligrub? -(<i>Turns note over.</i>) “Boston Dip.” Who’s he? “Boston -<span class='pageno' id='Page_227'>227</span>Dip.” There’s a name. I’ve heard of the “Manchester -Pet,” and the “Dublin Baby,” but the “Boston -Dip,”—confound him, let me get hold of him, and I’ll -Christen him with a dip that will drown him. Here’s -nice goings on! A respectable wife, and a mother, too, -making an appointment with an individual bearing such -a name as that—“Boston Dip.” He shall not fail you, -Mrs. M., but he must meet me too. I’ll not stir from -this place until I know what this means. This comes of -letting women roam abroad when they should be kept at -home. O, Mrs. Mulligrub! if I don’t cut down your pin -money for this my name’s not Moses Mulligrub. I’ll not -leave you a pin to stand on. (<i>Takes chair; slams it -down,</i> <span class='small'><span class='fss'>C.</span></span>) “Boston Dip.” (<i>Sits, and jumps up.</i>) Gracious! -he must be a sparrer, and that’s his fighting -name. No matter, let him come on. (<i>Sparring.</i>) The -old man’s a little out of practice, but he’s game. (<i>Sits; -folds his arms.</i>) If this little party does not end in a -shindy, it won’t be my fault.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><span class='sc'>Dasher</span> <i>backs in,</i> <span class='small'><span class='fss'>R.</span></span>, <i>waving his handkerchief.</i></div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> Does she mean to come? I cannot attract -her attention. (<i>Backs up still, waving his handkerchief.</i>) -Why don’t she come? (<i>Backs against</i> <span class='sc'>Mulligrub’s</span> -<i>chair, sending it over, and</i> <span class='sc'>Mulligrub</span> <i>on to the floor.</i>) -I beg your pardon.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>picking himself up</i>). Sir!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> I really beg your pardon. Did you break -anything?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub.</i> No, sir; but I shall presently break the -peace and your head.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_228'>228</span><i>Dasher.</i> I beg you won’t do anything of the kind. It -was an accident; and besides, you are trespassing here.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub.</i> O, I am! And pray, sir, will you be kind -enough to explain the meaning of that remark?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> Certainly. This is Mrs. Mulligrub’s private -drawing-room, where none but her friends are allowed -to enter.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub.</i> Indeed! (<i>Aside.</i>) This must be “Dip.” -(<i>Aloud.</i>) Well, sir, I am one of her friends—a particular -friend.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> I see: an old friend of the family. You’re -just the man I want to see. Yes, sir, the moment I set -eyes on you I said to myself, “There’s a man who can -serve me.”</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub.</i> Indeed—(<i>aside</i>) with a broken head.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> Yes, sir. You know old Mulligrub?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). Old Mulligrub! (<i>Aloud.</i>) Intimately.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> Good. I’ve never seen him, but people say -he’s immensely rich. What do you say? Will he cut up -well?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). “Cut up!” Confound his impudence.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> I’ve particular reasons for wishing to know. -I may say, I am very much attached to a member of his -family, you understand. I’m not mercenary; but you -know times are hard, and to make a respectable show in -society, have a nice house, a half dozen fast horses, and -all that sort of thing, requires money. Now, what I -want to know is this, will the old man shell out?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub.</i> Shell out? Look here, young man, for -<span class='pageno' id='Page_229'>229</span>coolness you certainly would take the premium at the -largest display of frozen wares in Alaska. If I don’t -answer your polite questions, it is because your audacity -has so astounded me, that, hang me, if I know whether -there is an old Mulligrub to “cut up” or “shell out” at -all. (<i>Aside.</i>) It must certainly be “Dip.”</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> O, you won’t tell. Hush! there’s somebody -coming—somebody who I am particularly anxious to -meet alone, you understand. Just step out of that door -(<i>pointing,</i> <span class='small'><span class='fss'>C.</span></span>), that’s a good fellow.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub.</i> Sir, I shall do nothing of the kind.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> But you must—only for a moment, and then -you shall return. (<i>Pushes him back.</i>)</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub.</i> Sir, do you know who I am?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> Certainly; a friend of the family; and, as a -friend of the family, when the time comes you shall know -all. Now go, that’s a good fellow. (<i>Pushes him back to -door,</i> <span class='small'><span class='fss'>C.</span></span>)</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub.</i> But, sir, I shall not. (<i>Aside.</i>) Stop. -I’ll watch. (<i>Aloud.</i>) Very well, sir; as I seem to be in -the way, I will retire.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> I knew you would—you’re such a good -fellow.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub.</i> Good fellow! (<i>Aside.</i>) Confound his -impudence.</p> - -<div class='c012'>[<i>Exit,</i> <span class='small'><span class='fss'>C.</span></span></div> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> Ha, ha! Got rid of him. (<i>Comes down stage.</i> -<span class='sc'>Mulligrub</span> <i>enters</i>, <span class='small'><span class='fss'>C.</span></span>, <i>and steps behind screen.</i>) Now for -a tender interview with Miss Eva, ending in a proposal, -which I know she will accept. (<i>Enter</i> <span class='sc'>Eva, c.</span>) I knew -you would come.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Because I promised. O, Mr. Dasher, that -waltz was delightful.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_230'>230</span><i>Dasher.</i> Indeed! I am glad you enjoyed it. If it -gave you pleasure I should be satisfied, though my heart -is heavy, and the waltz had little inspiration for me.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Dear me, Mr. Dasher, you look as melancholy -as an owl. What has gone wrong?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> Nothing—everything—Miss Eva. I am -on the verge of a precipice, a frightful precipice. (<span class='sc'>Mulligrub’s</span> -<i>head appears above screen</i>.)</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). There’s “Dip” and—Eva, as I -live!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> I don’t understand you, Mr. Dasher.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> Upon the verge of a frightful precipice I totter. -Beneath me are the whitened bones of many a mortal. -If I fall not a tear will be shed for me.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). Nary a tear, young man.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> ’Tis the valley of disappointed hopes.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). Dip’s getting grave.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> Into this must I fall, unless the succoring -hand be stretched forth to me.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). The sucker!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> You, Miss Eva, you—admirable, divine, -angelic—can stretch forth that hand to save Dasher -from dashing himself into the valley.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Mr. Dasher, have you been drinking?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> Draughts of bliss from the fountain of love: -basking in the sunshine of your presence. O, Miss Eva, -will you save me?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Once again, Mr. Dasher, I tell you I do not understand -you.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). ’Twould puzzle a Dutchman.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> Have I then been mistaken? have those little -<span class='pageno' id='Page_231'>231</span>delicate attentions which I fondly imagined were gaining -for me a corner on your heart—ah, I mean in your -heart—been wasted on the desert air?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). Dip’s getting airy.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> On the brink of a precipice I stand—</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). On the rocks again, Dip.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> Can you see me rush headlong to ruin, angelic -Eva.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). Dip’s getting high—</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> You are the star of my destiny; you are the -prize for which I strive, you are the divinity of my adoration. -Here on my knees—(<i>Falls on his knees</i> <span class='small'><span class='fss'>L.</span></span> <i>of</i> -<span class='sc'>Eva</span>.) I swear nothing shall part us.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><i>Enter</i> <span class='sc'>Ida, r.</span>, <i>hurriedly</i>.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> O, quick, quick, Eva! I’ve got you such a -partner! He’s all impatience. Quick! the music is just -about to commence. I wouldn’t have you lose him for -the world.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> But Ida—</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> Don’t stop to talk. Come quick! quick! (<i>Drags -her off</i>, <span class='small'><span class='fss'>R.</span></span>)</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). Ha, ha! Dip’s left on the brink -again.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher</i> (<i>jumping up</i>). Confound that girl! I’ve lost -the chance. This comes of making a long story about a -very short question. The precipice was a failure. I’ll -go and pump the friend of the family. (<i>Exit</i>, <span class='small'><span class='fss'>C.</span></span> <span class='sc'>Mulligrub</span> -<i>comes from screen</i>.)</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub.</i> That can’t be Dip, after all. He’s after -Eva. But he can’t have her. Thanks to his confidential -<span class='pageno' id='Page_232'>232</span>assurance, I can send him over the precipice into -the valley of disappointed hopes in short order.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><i>Enter</i> <span class='sc'>Kids, c.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> Now weally, I saw Miss Ida enter this woom, -positively saw her, and now she’s gone. Hallo! an intrudaw. -Sir, I have not the honow of your acquaintance. -This woom is the wesort, the westing-place of a bevy of -divine goddesses. No masculine mortals are allowed to -entaw here.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub.</i> Show! then you are not a masculine mortal, -I take it.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> Sir, you are impertinent. I am—I am a particular -fwiend of the lady who is the lawful possessor of -this wesort.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). Can this be Dip? (<i>Aloud.</i>) Sir, -I am a particular friend of the lady in question, being the -brother of her husband’s brother.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> Weally, the bwover of her husband’s bwover. -Pon honow, that’s a sort of cwoss-eyed welation.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub.</i> What do you mean by that? Do you -doubt my right to be here?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> Hey? wight?—no, no. (<i>Aside.</i>) He must -be a witch welation. (<i>Aloud.</i>) Do you know Mr. Mulligwub?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub.</i> Intimately.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> I say, would it be a good inwestment to wun -away with a membaw of his family?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). It must be Dip. Shall I mash -him? No, no, the proof first. (<i>Aloud.</i>) Splendid! -Can I help you?</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_233'>233</span><i>Kids.</i> Well, I don’t know. He’s a wough specimen, -and he so vulgaw. Sold fish in a handcart, too. I detest -fish, it’s on such a low scale. Now isn’t that good? -It’s owiginal, too. I don’t like the odaw. Dreadful low -people, but then, there’s lots of money. Yaas, I think I -will sacwafice myself.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). I’ll sacrifice you, you monkey. -(<i>Aloud.</i>) But tell me, who is the favored member of the -family?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> Hush! somebody’s coming. You must wetire.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub.</i> What, and lose the fun? No, I thank -you.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> You must, weally. The lady is coming. It -would shock her delicate nerves were you to be pwesent -at the interview. So go, that’s a dear fellah. (<i>Pushes -him back</i>, <span class='small'><span class='fss'>C.</span></span>)</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). He calls me a good fellah. Shall -I fell him on the spot? No, I’ll wait; vengeance can -afford to wait.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> Do wetire, and, when it’s all ovaw, I will call -you. (<i>Pushes him back</i>, <span class='small'><span class='fss'>C.</span></span>) Good fellah.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub.</i> You’ll call me when it’s all over. (<i>Aside.</i>) -I’ll be on hand while it’s going on.</p> - -<div class='c012'>[<i>Exit</i>, <span class='small'><span class='fss'>C.</span></span></div> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> There, the bwover of the husband’s bwover is -excluded from the apartment of the wife of the bwover’s -husband—no, that ain’t it, it’s the bwover’s wife’s husband—no, -or—(<i>Mulligrub enters</i>, <span class='small'><span class='fss'>C.</span></span>, <i>and gets behind -screen</i>.) Here she comes, lovely as a poppy, because -she’s got a rich poppy. That’s good—owiginal, too.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><span class='pageno' id='Page_234'>234</span><i>Enter</i> <span class='sc'>Ida, r.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> Here I am, Mr. Kids, to fulfill my promise.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> Yaas, Miss Ida, like the bounding fawn that—that—weally, -I forget what the bounding fawn was -doing—O, weally, bounding, of course. That’s very -good—isn’t it?—owiginal, too. But where was the -bounding fawn bound? that’s the question.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> I wish I could answer your question, but, not -being versed in natural history, I am unable to say.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> Weally. Well, never mind the fawn. Listen, -O, listen! I’m a miserable wetch, I am.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> Miserable? you?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids</i>. Yaas, weally. I’m standing—I’m standing,—where -am I standing?—O, on the bwink of a howid -pwecipice.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>sticking his head above screen</i>). Hallo! -another brink, another precipice, and—Ida, as I live.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> La, Mr. Kids, what a dangerous position.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). Kids; then it’s not Dip, that’s certain.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> O, dweadful, dweadful. But you can save me.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> How, Mr. Kids?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> That’s the ideah, Miss Ida; for when a fellah -is on the bwink of such a pwecipice, as the pwecipice I -am on the bwink of, the best way to save him is to push -him ovaw.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> Well, that’s certainly an original idea.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> Yaas, it is an owiginal, idea—mine, too—I -found it in my bwain, with the help of the diwectory. -When a fellah’s on the bwink of matwimony, of course -his safety and his happiness is secured by his being -pushed into it. You see my ideah.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_235'>235</span><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). Deuced clumsy one.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> But how can I help you?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> By pushing me ovaw. Miss Ida, you are bewitching, -you are lovely, you are divine, and on my -knees I ask you (<i>falls on his knees</i> <span class='small'><span class='fss'>L.</span></span> <i>of</i> <span class='sc'>Ida</span>) to give -me a push.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). Confounded jackass.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> But, Mr. Kids, I don’t understand. You’re so—so—(<i>Aside.</i>) -Where can Eva be? (<i>Aloud.</i>) You -say you are on the brink of a precipice.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> Howid, howid; and if you consent to be—</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><i>Enter</i> <span class='sc'>Eva, r.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Quick, quick, Ida! mother’s fainted.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> You don’t mean it?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Yes, yes, come quick! What are you waiting -for?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> But Mr. Kids is on the brink of a precipice.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Let him stay there. Come with me. (<i>Drags</i> -<span class='sc'>Eva</span> <i>off</i>, <span class='small'><span class='fss'>R.</span></span>)</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). Won’t somebody be kind enough -to remove that precipice?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids</i> (<i>rising</i>). Yaas, weally, that owiginal ideah -will kill me, I know it will. I must go and bathe my -head in Cologne, I must weally. Miss Ida didn’t push -well; in fact, I don’t believe she’s fond of pushing fellah’s -ovaw, I don’t, weally.</p> - -<div class='c012'>[<i>Exit</i>, <span class='small'><span class='fss'>C.</span></span></div> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>comes from behind screen</i>). I don’t think -that’s Dip—I don’t, weally. Egad! those girls of -mine are determined not to be caught by chaff. I -wonder if I can say as much for the old lady. I wish -<span class='pageno' id='Page_236'>236</span>she would make her appearance. This must be the -room. Ah, here she comes. Now for something interesting. -(<i>Runs behind screen.</i>)</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><i>Enter</i> <span class='sc'>Mrs. Mulligrub, r.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> The fiddlers are tuning up for a waltz, and -if Munseer Adonis is to keep his word now is the -time. I wonder what Moses would say if he knew -what I was about. But he can’t know. He’s safe at -home, and there’s certainly no harm in obtaining a -graceful <i>inquisition</i> to my other accomplishments. (<i>Music, -Beautiful Blue Danube, soft and low.</i>) There they go. -O, isn’t that splendid. (<i>Waltzes about stage in a very -awkward manner.</i>)</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>with head above screen</i>). What’s the matter -with Hannah? She’s bobbing about the room like -a turkey with’s its head off.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><i>Enter</i> <span class='sc'>Monsieur Adonis, r.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mons. A.</i> <i>Charmant, charmant!</i> (<i>Music stops.</i>) Madam, -you are ze ecstasy of motion. You have ze grace of -ze antelope, and ze step of ze fairy.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> O, don’t! You have come—</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mons. A.</i> Wiz ze “Boston Dip,” as I have promise.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). “Boston Dip.” That’s him—the -scoundrel!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> O, I’m so nervous.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). You ought to be, you hypocrite.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mons. M.</i> Zar is not ze least occasion. We are -here alone.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). Not quite, Dip, not quite.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_237'>237</span><i>Mons. A.</i> No one will dare to enter here. Zar is -none to look at you but I, and am I not discretion -itself, madam?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> O, you are the soul of honor.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). Humbug!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mons. M.</i> Now, zar is no time to lose. Permit me. -(<i>Takes her hand and leads her</i> <span class='small'><span class='fss'>C.</span></span>)</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). Dip’s taking her hand. I shall -choke!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mons. A.</i> Put your left hand in mine—so.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). She obeys him. Ah, faithless -Hannah!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mons. A.</i> Zat is good. Do not tremble—zar is no -danger.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). Don’t be so sure of that.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mons. A.</i> Now, my arm around your waist—so.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>aside</i>). O, perfidious Hannah!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mons. A.</i> Now let your head drop upon ze collar of -my coat. Ah, zat is good, zat is exquisite.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub.</i> She presses his collar, and my cholar is -rising. I shall choke with rage.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mons. M.</i> All right. Now, one, two, three, and -off we go.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>pushing the screen over on to the floor. Discovered -standing in a chair, with doubled fist</i>). Stop! -(<i>Very loud.</i>)</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> Ah! (<i>Screams, and falls into</i> <span class='sc'>Monsieur -Adonis’s</span> <i>arms</i>.)</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mons. A.</i> Sacre! Who calls so loud?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub.</i> An injured husband.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> (<i>jumping up</i>). O, it’s Moses!</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_238'>238</span><i>Mulligrub.</i> Yes, it is Moses! Moses the deluded; -Moses the deceived; Moses the betrayed; Moses on -the brink of a precipice.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mom. A.</i> Moses!—Who be Moses?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> My husband.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mons. A.</i> Monsieur Mulligrub! O, ze light break -upon my head.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>jumping down</i>). Tremble, rascal! You’re -discovered. Woman, begone! O, Hannah! can I -believe my eyes. You—you make an appointment -with such a miserable, contemptible, sneaking cur as -that? But I’ll be revenged, rascal! (<i>Takes</i> <span class='sc'>Monsieur -Adonis</span> <i>by throat</i>.) Blaster of peaceful families -(<i>shaking him</i>), I’ll have your life!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mons. A.</i> Help! help! I am choke all over too -much! Help! help!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> O, Moses, spare him!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub.</i> Never! I’ll shake the life out of him. -Rascal!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mons. A.</i> Help! somebody, quick!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub.</i> Scoundrel!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mons. A.</i> Help! help! He squeeze my windpipe -all too much.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><i>Enter</i>, <span class='sc'>r., Ida</span> <i>and</i> <span class='sc'>Eva</span>; <span class='sc'>c., Dasher</span> <i>and</i> <span class='sc'>Kids</span>.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Father here?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> And fighting?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> What is the meaning of this?</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> Weally, a wow, a wiot, a wumpus!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub.</i> Meaning of it! Look at this miserable -wretch!—this thing who answers to the name of -“Boston Dip.”</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_239'>239</span><i>All.</i> “Boston Dip.”</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mons. A.</i> Sar, you insult me. My name is Monsieur -Achilles Adonis.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> And “Boston Dip” is the name given to the -latest movement of the waltz.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub.</i> What, not the name of an individual? -Then, what is the meaning of that? (<i>Shows note.</i>)</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mons. A.</i> Zat is my note, monsieur.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> Yes, written by me to Monsieur Adonis, -asking him to give me a private lesson here.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> And father thought it a love affair? O, -father!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> A man with the name of “Boston Dip!” O, -father!</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> Friend of the family, you’ve made a mistake.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> Yaas, dipped into the wong man. Now isn’t -that good—owiginal, too.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>looks at each in a foolish manner, then -takes</i> <span class='sc'>Mrs. Mulligrub</span> <i>by the hand; leads her</i> <span class='small'><span class='fss'>C.</span></span>, <i>and -kneels</i>). Hannah, I’m on the brink of a frightful precipice. -I’ve made a fool of myself. Forgive me, and -let’s go home.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> I think you have, Moses.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Dasher.</i> There’s not the least doubt of it.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Kids.</i> Yaas, Moses into the bull-wushes! That’s -good—weally owiginal, too.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mulligrub</i> (<i>rising</i>). Monsieur Adonis, I beg your -pardon for my rudeness. I will make amends, ample -reparation. Greenbacks shall shower upon your classic -academy. To you, gentlemen, I need make no apologies. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_240'>240</span>You see the old man has “cut up,” and perhaps -may be made to “shell out.” I don’t think my -girls will be able to assist you on that precipice. With -your permission, I will retire.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Eva.</i> Don’t go, father. Stay and enjoy yourself.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Ida.</i> And see us waltz. We have splendid partners.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mons. A.</i> Proficient in all ze elegancies of ze art.</p> - -<p class='c011'><i>Mrs. M.</i> Moses, I’m ashamed of you. You’re really -<i>proficient</i> in the usages of fashionable <i>depravity</i>; but I’ll -forgive you, and make you acquainted with my new -flame, one which you so grievously mistook, my harmless -pet, “The Boston Dip.” (<i>Music, Beautiful Blue -Danube.</i> <span class='sc'>Mr. Mulligrub</span> <i>bows, and retires up</i>, <span class='small'><span class='fss'>C.</span></span> -<i>Waltz</i>, <span class='sc'>Monsieur Adonis</span> <i>and</i> <span class='sc'>Mrs. Mulligrub; -Dasher</span> <i>and</i> <span class='sc'>Eva; Kids</span> <i>and</i> <span class='sc'>Ida</span>.)</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c001'> - <div><span class='large'>CURTAIN.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c004' /> -</div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_241'>241</span> - <h2 class='c005'><span class='xxlarge'>SPENCER’S UNIVERSAL STAGE.</span></h2> -</div> - -<p class='c013'><i>A Collection of COMEDIES, DRAMAS, and FARCES, adapted to either Public -or Private Performance. Containing a full description of all -the necessary Stage Business.</i></p> - -<hr class='c014' /> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><i>PRICE, 15 CENTS EACH.</i> ☞ <i>No Plays exchanged.</i></div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c014' /> - -<p class='c015'>1. <b>Lost in London.</b> A Drama in -Three Acts. 6 Male, 4 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>2. <b>Nicholas Flam.</b> A Comedy In Two -Acts. By J.B. Buckstone. 5 Male, -3 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>3. <b>The Welsh Girl.</b> A Comedy in -One Act. By Mrs. Planche. 3 Male, -2 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>4. <b>John Wopps.</b> A Farce in One Act. -By W.E. Suter. 4 Male, 2 Female -characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>5. <b>The Turkish Bath.</b> A Farce in -One Act. By Montague Williams -and F.C. Burnand. 6 Male, 1 Female -character.</p> - -<p class='c015'>6. <b>The Two Puddifoots.</b> A Farce -in One Act. By J.M. Morton. 3 -Male, 3 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>7. <b>Old Honesty.</b> A Comic Drama in -Two Acts. By J.M. Morton. 5 -Male, 2 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>8. <b>Two Gentlemen in a Fix.</b> A -Farce in One Act. By W.E. Suter. -2 Male characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>9. <b>Smashington Goit.</b> A Farce in -One Act. By T.J. Williams. 5 Male, -3 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>10. <b>Two Heads Better than One.</b> A -Farce in One Act. By Lenox Horne. -4 Male, 1 Female character.</p> - -<p class='c015'>11. <b>John Dobbs.</b> A Farce in One Act. -By J.M. Morton. 5 Male, 2 Female -characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>12. <b>The Daughter of the Regiment.</b> -A Drama in Two Acts. By -Edward Fitzball. 6 Male, 2 Female -characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>13. <b>Aunt Charlotte’s Maid.</b> A Farce -in One Act. By J.M. Morton. 3 -Male, 3 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>14. <b>Brother Bill and Me.</b> A Farce In -One Act. By W.E. Suter. 4 Male, -3 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>15. <b>Done on Both Sides.</b> A Farce in -One Act. By J.M. Morton. 3 -Male, 2 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>16. <b>Dunducketty’s Picnic.</b> A Farce -in One Act. By T.J. Williams. 6 -Male, 3 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>17. <b>I’ve written to Browne.</b> A Farce -in One Act. By T.J. Williams. 4 -Male, 3 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>18. <b>Lending a Hand.</b> A Farce In One -Act. By G.A. A’Becket. 3 Male, -2 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>19. <b>My Precious Betsy.</b> A Farce in -One Act. By J.M. Morton. 4 Male, -4 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>20. <b>My Turn Next.</b> A Farce in One Act. -By T.J. Williams. 4 Male, 3 Female -characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>21. <b>Nine Points of the Law.</b> A Comedy -in One Act. By Tom Taylor. -4 Male, 3 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>22. <b>The Phantom Breakfast.</b> A -Farce in One Act. By Charles Selby. -3 Male, 2 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>23. <b>Dandelions Dodges.</b> A Farce in -One Act. By T.J. Williams. 4 -Male, 2 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>24. <b>A Slice of Luck.</b> A Farce in One -Act. By J.M. Morton. 4 Male, 2 -Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>25. <b>Always Intended.</b> A Comedy in -One Act. By Horace Wigan. 3 -Male, 3 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>26. <b>A Bull in a China Shop.</b> A Comedy -in Two Acts. By Charles Matthews. -6 Male, 4 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>27. <b>Another Glass.</b> A Drama in One -Act. By Thomas Morton. 6 Male, -3 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>28. <b>Bowled Out.</b> A Farce in One Act. -By H.T. Craven. 4 Male, 3 Female -characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>29. <b>Cousin Tom.</b> A Commedietta in -One Act. By George Roberts. 3 -Male, 2 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>30. <b>Sarah’s Young Man.</b> A Farce in -One Act. By W.E. Suter. 3 Male, -3 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>31. <b>Hit Him, He has No Friends.</b> -A Farce in One Act. By E. Yates -and N.H. Harrington. 7 Male, 3 -Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>32. <b>The Christening.</b> A Farce in One -Act. By J.B. Buckstone. 5 Male, -6 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>33. <b>A Race for a Widow.</b> A Farce -in One Act. By Thomas J. Williams. -5 Male, 4 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>34. <b>Your Life’s in Danger.</b> A Farce -in One Act. By J.M. Morton. 3 -Male, 3 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>35. <b>True unto Death.</b> A Drama in -Two Acts. By J. Sheridan Knowles. -6 Male, 2 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>36. <b>Diamond cut Diamond.</b> An Interlude -in One Act. By W.H. Murray. -10 Male, 1 Female character.</p> - -<p class='c015'>37. <b>Look after Brown.</b> A Farce in -One Act. By George A. Stuart, -M.D. 6 Male, 1 Female character.</p> - -<p class='c015'>38. <b>Monseigneur.</b> A Drama in Three -Acts. By Thomas Archer. 15 Male, -3 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>39. <b>A very pleasant Evening.</b> A -Farce in One Act. By W.E. Suter. -3 Male characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>40. <b>Brother Ben.</b> A Farce in One -Act. By J.M. Morton. 3 Male, 3 -Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>41. <b>Only a Clod.</b> A Comic Drama in -One Act. By J.P. Simpson. 4 Male, -1 Female character.</p> - -<p class='c015'>42. <b>Gaspardo the Gondolier.</b> A -Drama in Three Acts. By George -Almar. 10 Male, 2 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>43. <b>Sunshine through the Clouds.</b> -A Drama in One Act. By Slingsby -Lawrence. 3 Male, 3 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>44. <b>Don’t Judge by Appearances.</b> -A Farce in One Act. By J.M. Morton. -3 Male, 2 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>45. <b>Nursey Chickweed.</b> A Farce in -One Act. By T.J. Williams. 4 -Male, 2 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>46. <b>Mary Moo; or, Which shall I -Marry?</b> A Farce in One Act. By -W.E. Suter. 2 Male, 1 Female -character.</p> - -<p class='c015'>47. <b>East Lynne.</b> A Drama in Five -Acts. 8 Male, 7 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>48. <b>The Hidden Hand.</b> A Drama in -Five Acts. By Robert Jones. 16 Male, -7 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>49. <b>Silverstone’s Wager.</b> A Commedietta -in One Act. By R.R. Andrews. -4 Male, 3 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>50. <b>Dora.</b> A Pastoral Drama in Three -Acts. By Charles Reade. 5 Male, -2 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>51. <b>Blanks and Prizes.</b> A Farce in -One Act. By Dexter Smith. 5 -Male, 2 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>52. <b>Old Gooseberry.</b> A Farce in One -Act. By T.J. Williams. 4 Male, -2 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>53. <b>Who’s Who.</b> A Farce in One Act. -By T.J. Williams. 3 Male, 2 Female -characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>54. <b>Bouquet.</b> A Farce in One Act. 2 -Male, 3 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>55. <b>The Wife’s Secret.</b> A Play in -Five Acts. By George W. Lovell. -10 Male, 2 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>56. <b>The Babes in the Wood.</b> A -Comedy in Three Acts. By Tom -Taylor. 10 Male, 3 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>57. <b>Putkins: Heir to Castles in the -Air.</b> A Comic Drama in One Act. -By W.R. Emerson. 2 Male, 2 Female -characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>58. <b>An Ugly Customer.</b> A Farce in -One Act. By Thomas J. Williams. -3 Male, 2 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>59. <b>Blue and Cherry.</b> A Comedy in -One Act. 3 Male, 2 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>60. <b>A Doubtful Victory.</b> A Comedy -in One Act. 3 Male, 2 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>61. <b>The Scarlet Letter.</b> A Drama in -Three Acts. 8 Male, 7 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>62. <b>Which will have Him?</b> A Vaudeville. -1 Male, 2 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>63. <b>Madam is Abed.</b> A Vaudeville in -One Act. 2 Male, 2 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>64. <b>The Anonymous Kiss.</b> A Vaudeville. -2 Male, 2 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>65. <b>The Cleft Stick.</b> A Comedy in -Three Acts. 5 Male, 3 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>66. <b>A Soldier, a Sailor, a Tinker, -and a Tailor.</b> A Farce in One -Act. 4 Male, 2 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>67. <b>Give a Dog a Bad Name.</b> A -Farce. 2 Male, 2 Female Characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>68. <b>Damon and Pythias.</b> A Farce. -6 Male, 4 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>69. <b>A Husband to Order.</b> A Serio-Comic -Drama in Two Acts. 5 Male, -3 Female characters.</p> - -<p class='c015'>70. <b>Payable on Demand.</b> A Domestic -Drama in Two Acts. 7 Male, 1 -Female character.</p> - -<hr class='c016' /> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><i>Price, 15 cents each.</i></div> - <div><i>Descriptive Catalogue mailed free on application to</i></div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>GEO. M. BAKER & CO.,</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c017'> - <div><span class='sc'>149 Washington St., Boston.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c004' /> -</div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c005'><span class='xxlarge'>Plays for Amateur Theatricals.</span><br /> <br /><span class='large'>By GEORGE M. BAKER.</span></h2> -</div> - -<p class='c013'><i>Author of “Amateur Dramas,” “The Mimic Stage,” “The Social Stage,” “The Drawing-room Stage,” -“A Baker’s Dozen,” &c.</i></p> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><b>Titles in this Type are New Plays.</b></div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c016' /> - -<h3 class='c018'><span class='large'><b>DRAMAS.</b></span><br /> <br /><i>In Three Acts.</i></h3> - -<table class='table0' summary=''> -<colgroup> -<col width='86%' /> -<col width='13%' /> -</colgroup> - <tr> - <td class='c019'> </td> - <td class='c020'><i>Cts.</i></td> - </tr> - <tr><td> </td></tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><b>My Brother’s Keeper.</b> 5 male, 3 female characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> -</table> - -<h4 class='c003'><i>In Two Acts.</i></h4> - -<table class='table1' summary=''> -<colgroup> -<col width='86%' /> -<col width='13%' /> -</colgroup> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><b>Among the Breakers.</b> 6 male, 4 female characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>Sylvia’s Soldier.</span> 3 male, 2 female characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>Once on a Time.</span> 4 male, 2 female characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>Down by the Sea.</span> 6 male, 3 female characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>Bread on the Waters.</span> 5 male, 3 female characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>The Last Loaf.</span> 5 male, 3 female characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> -</table> - -<h4 class='c003'><i>In One Act.</i></h4> - -<table class='table2' summary=''> -<colgroup> -<col width='86%' /> -<col width='13%' /> -</colgroup> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>Stand by the Flag.</span> 5 male characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>The Tempter.</span> 3 male, 1 female charac.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> -</table> - -<h3 class='c018'><span class='large'><b>COMEDIES and FARCES.</b></span></h3> - -<table class='table3' summary=''> -<colgroup> -<col width='86%' /> -<col width='13%' /> -</colgroup> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><b>The Boston Dip.</b> 4 male, 3 female characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><b>The Duchess of Dublin.</b> 6 male, 4 female characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>We’re all Teetotalers.</span> 4 male, 2 female characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>A Drop too Much.</span> 4 male, 2 female characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>Thirty Minutes for Refreshments.</span> 4 male, 3 female characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>A Little More Cider.</span> 5 male, 3 female characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> -</table> - -<h4 class='c003'><i>Male Characters Only.</i></h4> - -<table class='table4' summary=''> -<colgroup> -<col width='86%' /> -<col width='13%' /> -</colgroup> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><b>Gentlemen of the Jury.</b> 12 char.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><b>A Tender Attachment.</b> 7 char.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><b>The Thief of Time.</b> 6 char.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><b>The Hypochondriac.</b> 5 char.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><b>A Public Benefactor.</b> 6 char.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><b>The Runaways.</b> 4 char.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><b>Coals of Fire.</b> 6 char.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>Wanted, a Male Cook.</span> 4 char.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>A Sea of Troubles.</span> 8 char.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> -</table> - -<h3 class='c018'><span class='large'><b>FARCES.</b></span></h3> - -<table class='table5' summary=''> -<colgroup> -<col width='86%' /> -<col width='13%' /> -</colgroup> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>Freedom of the Press.</span> 8 char.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>A Close Shave.</span> 6 char.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>The Great Elixir.</span> 9 char.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>The Man with the Demijohn.</span> 4 char.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>Humors of the Strike.</span> 8 char.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>New Brooms Sweep Clean.</span> 6 char.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>My Uncle the Captain.</span> 6 char.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> -</table> - -<h4 class='c003'><i>Female Characters Only.</i></h4> - -<table class='table6' summary=''> -<colgroup> -<col width='86%' /> -<col width='13%' /> -</colgroup> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><b>The Red Chignon.</b> 6 char.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><b>Using the Weed.</b> 7 char.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><b>A Love of a Bonnet.</b> 5 char.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><b>A Precious Pickle.</b> 6 char.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>The Greatest Plague in Life.</span> 8 cha.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>No Cure, no Pay.</span> 7 char.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>The Grecian Bend.</span> 7 char.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> -</table> - -<h3 class='c018'><span class='large'><b>ALLEGORIES.</b></span><br /><i>Arranged for Music and Tableaux.</i></h3> - -<table class='table7' summary=''> -<colgroup> -<col width='86%' /> -<col width='13%' /> -</colgroup> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><b>The Revolt of the Bees.</b> 9 female characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>Lightheart’s Pilgrimage.</span> 8 female characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>The War of the Roses</span>. 8 female characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>The Sculptor’s Triumph.</span> 1 male, 4 female characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> -</table> - -<h3 class='c018'><span class='large'><b>MUSICAL AND DRAMATIC.</b></span></h3> - -<table class='table8' summary=''> -<colgroup> -<col width='86%' /> -<col width='13%' /> -</colgroup> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><b>The Seven Ages.</b> A Tableau Entertainment. Numerous male and female characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>Too Late for the Train.</span> 2 male characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>Snow bound; or, Alonzo the Brave and the Fair Imogene.</span> 3 male, 1 female character.</td> - <td class='c020'>25</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>Bonbons; or, The Paint-King.</span> 3 male, 1 female character.</td> - <td class='c020'>25</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>The Pedler of Very Nice.</span> 7 male characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>An Original Idea.</span> 1 male, 1 female character.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>Capuletta; or, Romeo and Juliet Restored.</span> 3 male, 1 female character.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> -</table> - -<h3 class='c018'><span class='large'><b><i>TEMPERANCE PIECES.</i></b></span></h3> - -<table class='table9' summary=''> -<colgroup> -<col width='86%' /> -<col width='13%' /> -</colgroup> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>The Last Loaf.</span> 5 male, 3 female characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>The Tempter.</span> 3 male, 1 female character.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>We’re all Teetotalers.</span> 4 male, 2 female characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>A Drop too Much.</span> 4 male, 2 female characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>A Little More Cider.</span> 5 male, 3 female characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>The Man with the Demijohn.</span> 4 characters.</td> - <td class='c020'>15</td> - </tr> -</table> -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c004' /> -</div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c005'><span class='xlarge'>Transcriber’s Note</span></h2> -</div> - -<p class='c021'>Punctuation has been normalized.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The first page of Spencer’s catalog originally located in the front -of the book has been moved to the back of the book with the balance -of the catalog pages.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The author's choices of spelling and hyphenation, and variations -threin, have been maintained.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Spellings of the names of the following authors -listed in Spencer’s catalog have been maintained, -however it is noted to the reader -they differ from other published sources:</p> - -<p class='c022'>Montague Williams has been noted as -Montagu Williams in other sources.</p> - -<p class='c022'>Lenox Horne has been noted as both Lennox Horne and -Charles F. Lennox Horne in other sources.</p> - -<p class='c022'>George A. Stuart has been noted as George A. Stewart -in other sources.</p> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Boston Dip, by George M. Baker - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE BOSTON DIP *** - -***** This file should be named 52665-h.htm or 52665-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/2/6/6/52665/ - -Produced by David Edwards and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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