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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..579c4de --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #55220 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/55220) diff --git a/old/55220-0.txt b/old/55220-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 1f1ebf9..0000000 --- a/old/55220-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,6837 +0,0 @@ -Project Gutenberg's Five Acres too Much, by Robert Barnwell Roosevelt - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: Five Acres too Much - -Author: Robert Barnwell Roosevelt - -Release Date: July 29, 2017 [EBook #55220] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FIVE ACRES TOO MUCH *** - - - - -Produced by Chuck Greif and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images available at The Internet Archive) - - - - - - - - - - [Illustration: _Your friend and brother Sportsman Rob B Roosevelt_] - - - - - FIVE ACRES TOO MUCH. - - A TRUTHFUL ELUCIDATION - - OF - - The Attractions of the Country, - - AND - - A CAREFUL CONSIDERATION OF THE - - _Question of Profit and Loss as involved in - Amateur Farming_, - - WITH MUCH - - VALUABLE ADVICE AND INSTRUCTION TO THOSE ABOUT - PURCHASING LARGE OR SMALL PLACES - IN THE RURAL DISTRICTS. - - _NEW AND ENLARGED EDITION._ - - - BY - - ROBERT BARNWELL ROOSEVELT, - - AUTHOR OF “GAME FISH OF NORTH AMERICA,” “SUPERIOR FISHING,” - “FLORIDA AND THE GAME WATER BIRDS,” “PROGRESSIVE PETTICOATS,” - “FISH HATCHING AND FISH CATCHING,” ETC. - - - NEW YORK: - O. JUDD CO. DAVID W. JUDD, PRES. - 751 BROADWAY. - 1885. - - Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1885, by the - - O. JUDD COMPANY, - - In the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington. - - - - - TO - - THE WRITERS OF BOOKS - - ON - - FARMING, GARDENING, HORTICULTURE, AGRICULTURE, - AND FLORICULTURE, - - _THIS WORK IS RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED_, - - AS AN EVIDENCE - OF WHAT CAN BE DONE AND WHAT WONDERFUL RESULTS - CAN BE PRODUCED BY A CAREFUL STUDY OF - THEIR DIRECTIONS AND STRICT OBEDIENCE - TO THEIR RULES; - - AND - - AS A SLIGHT TESTIMONIAL TO THE ACCURACY, LUCIDITY, - AND PRACTICABILITY OF THE ADVICE WHICH THEY - GIVE AND THE EXPERIENCES THEY DESCRIBE; - - IN THE SINCERE HOPE - THAT THEY WILL NEVER WEARY OF COMPOSING BOOKS - EQUALLY TRUTHFUL, TRUSTWORTHY, - AND INTERESTING. - - THE AUTHOR. - - - - - CONTENTS. - - - INTRODUCTION. - - Apotheosis of the Country, especially of such Portions of the Country - as the Author has for sale.--Many Attractions and still more Lots - at Flushing.--Simplicity of Farming, and Lucidity of Agricultural - Books.--Profits and Pleasures of Rural Life.....Page ix - - - CHAPTER I. - - A COW. - - Special Points about the Bovine Race.--Directions in - Feeding.--Preparations to receive the Animal.--Her Arrival.--An - awful Pause.--The Fray about to begin.--Intelligence of Cows and - Biddies.--Victory.--A Calm.--Cow Complainings.--Approaching Storm.--A - Tempest in a back Yard.--Soothing Effects of “Mash.”--Immense - Profits and glorious Prospects for the Future.--Peculiarities and - Eccentricities of the Race as exhibited in a confined Space.--She is - sent to the Country for the benefit of her Health.....19 - - - CHAPTER II. - - A HOUSE, PLANS, AND SPECIFICATIONS. - - Wonderful architectural Genius of the Author.--He admires himself - and consults his Friends.--Difficulties in obtaining “just the - Thing.”--Want of Time.--Free Trade in Houses advocated as superior - to Home Production.--The imported Article falls into the Hands of a - Philistine named Barney.--A fresh Arrival.--The House comes, but the - Builder does not.--The Charge of the Light Brigade, and Flight of the - Housekeeper.....37 - - - CHAPTER III. - - MORE LIVE-STOCK--A HORSE AND A PIG. WHICH IS THE NOBLER ANIMAL? - - Beauties of the Pig.--Defects of the Horse.--The dearest Pig and the - dearest Horse, each in their way.--A haunted House, and the Effect - of Ghosts on Horses.--The Ghost Story precisely as it occurred.--Are - Ghosts liable to Damages when they frighten Horses into fits of - running away?--Equine Eccentricities.--Practical Playfulness.....61 - - - CHAPTER IV. - - THE COUNTRY, AND HOW TO GET THERE. - - Easy Accessibility of Flushing.--An improving Railroad.--Education by - Steam.--True Principles of Travel.....77 - - - CHAPTER V. - - A WELL. - - A Well, considered classically and otherwise.--A Cat in search of - the Truth.--A Catastrophe.--Pumps and Vanities of Life.--A poor - Sucker.--Hydraulic Pressure.....86 - - - CHAPTER VI. - - A KITCHEN GARDEN. - - Advantages thereof.--Things to have.--You wish you may get - them.--Ornamental as opposed to practical Views.--A dissolving - View.--Bad Beginnings do not always make a good Ending.--Daniel - O’Rourke’s as a grazing Crop.--The new-mown Hay.--Its Flavor and - Flower.--Remarkable Results of Gardening for Profit.....97 - - - CHAPTER VII. - - THE FLOWER GARDEN. - - Architectural Skill set at defiance by practical Difficulties.--Result - of too much Greenness.--A Disappointment.....111 - - - CHAPTER VIII. - - POULTRY. - - Strange Attack of Somnolency.--Dogs and Peppers as awakeners.--The - right Thing in the wrong Place.--A Hen lays herself out.--Twenty pair - of Chickens raise the Hair of one Mink.....124 - - - CHAPTER IX. - - FALL WORK. - - A Fortune in Strawberries.--How to get it out.--Debility - developed.--Science to the Rescue.--The wonderful Effects of a Liquid - Fertilizer.--No Farmer should fail to have such a Thing in the - House.....136 - - - CHAPTER X. - - PROFIT AND LOSS. - - Immense pecuniary Advantages of high old Farming.--Exactitude - the Foundation of Success in Life.--A plain Statement.--General - Reflections.--An amateur Butcher.--Boiled salt Pork.....148 - - - CHAPTER XI. - - THE FLUSHING SKATING-POND--A DIGRESSION. - - A nice Man as an Ice-man.....161 - - - CHAPTER XII. - - THE SECOND YEAR. - - A new Start, with no Drawbacks.--Immense Results, but not precisely - what was wanted.--The great Pea turns out small.--Wonderful obstinacy - of Plants.....169 - - - CHAPTER XIII. - - SCIENCE. - - Knowledge is Power.--The new Flower.--A Thing of Beauty.--Appearance - contrasted with Perfume.--The Fox is the Finder.....179 - - - CHAPTER XIV. - - A SECOND DIGRESSION--FAIRY TALES FOR LITTLE FOLKS. - - Retributive Justice.--Don’t be such a Goose.....189 - - - CHAPTER XV. - - NUISANCES, INHUMAN AND HUMAN. PETS--THE CHARM OF COUNTRY LIFE. - - With a few Reservations.--Flies on the Rampage.--Wonderful - Discovery.--Dogs on Seedlings.--A Hop-toad Hunt.....203 - - - CHAPTER XVI. - - BUTTER-MAKING. SEEDS AND THE DEVIL. - - Butter-making in all its Attractions.--The Cream unequal to the - Emergency.--Some Things can’t be Done as well as Others.--Electrical - Phenomena.--Gathering Seed.--Incidental Reference to Satan and his - Works.--not his agricultural ones.....216 - - - CHAPTER XVII. - - SUCCESS OF THE YEAR. - - A second Year’s Balance-sheet.--Still greater Promises.--Success - assured.--Every Man should be his own Market Gardener.--No dearth of - Onions.--Transported at the Result.--The last of the family Horse.--He - closes his Career by a wonderful Feat in drawing Teeth Page......233 - - CHAPTER XVIII. - - PREPARATIONS FOR REMOVAL. - - The Window Garden.--Warm Work.--Immense Resources of Science.--Mind - against Matter.--What can the Matter be?--The new Flower......253 - - CHAPTER XIX. - - A GREAT RUNNER. - - A perfect Jonah.--Very fine, only don’t do it again.--A Gourd runs - away with its Master.--A changeable Crimson.--A new Specimen of Flax, - Red one Year and Yellow the next......266 - - CHAPTER XX. - - A BEAUTIFUL NEW COACH. - - A Rockaway stricken with Palsy.--Sudden Recovery.--Honesty of country - Mechanics their best Recommendation.--A Roof over one’s Head.--Its - Necessity, as well as Beauty.--A Fellow-feeling makes us willing to - lend Shingles.--The latter End......283 - - CHAPTER XXI. - - THREE HUNDRED ACRES NOT ENOUGH. - - New Farms.--More Land.--No Rooms for Mushrooms.--Many Sects of - Insects.--The Squash.--Unexpected Fungi.--The Triumph that Grazed - Defeat.--The Joys of Memory......297 - - - - -INTRODUCTION. - - -It was in consequence of reading a little volume called “Ten Acres -Enough”--a practical and statistical, as well as, in certain points, a -poetical production--that I came to prepare this volume. In that work a -charming and interesting account is given of the successful attempt of a -Philadelphia mechanic to redeem a strip of exhausted land of ten acres -in extent. In the course of it, a vast deal of advice and most valuable -directions are given on the subject of planting and sowing, draining and -reaping, manuring and pruning; berries and fruits, vines and vegetables, -are duly considered; and the question of outlay and income, expenses and -receipts, losses and profits, is forever ding-donged into one’s ears. So -useful is the instruction it contains, that no one should think of -buying a farm, experimenting in rural life, or even reading this book, -without first perusing that one. To be sure, the author forgets -occasionally some minor matters--such as clothing, food, and the like, -leaving his family naked and unfed for several years--but that is -doubtless due to his poetical temperament and intense love of nature. In -the same spirit, therefore, no matter how frequently I may refer to -money matters in the course of the following pages, even if I should -occasionally condescend to speak of food and raiment--those commonplace -necessities--it must be understood to be with no sordid view; and if I -keep these matters before the reader’s attention, it will be for the -sole purpose of benefiting and enlightening him, and pointing out -clearly the financial consequence of investing in rural residences. - -The country--how beautiful it is! To a man wearied with the cares of -city life; who has pursued an exhausting profession for several years -with vigorous energy; who has taken a hand in politics, attended -caucuses and Conventions, and helped to “run the machine;” who has a -philanthropic turn of mind, and gone on committees and made public -collections; and who, moreover, has abundant means--this, though last, -is by no means least--the country, with its green leaves, its lovely -flowers, its waving grass, its early vegetables, and its luscious -fruits, is most attractive; and where a residence can be obtained which -combines all these luxuries with pure air, and no chills and fever, and -which is not too remote from city life and its attractions, it is as -near to Paradise as this world permits. - -There are many such places near New York. Gorgeous villas dot the banks -of the Hudson, and congregate together thickly on Staten Island; there -are beautiful spots along the coves of Westchester County, and persons -who do not mind expatriating themselves go to Jersey; but there is one -locality that far surpasses all others. The steep banks of the Hudson, -cut off as they are from the westerly winds by the Palisades and higher -hills beyond them, are uncomfortably hot; Staten Island is overrun by -sourkrout-eating, lager-beer-drinking, and small-bird-shooting Germans, -who trespass with Teutonic determination wherever their notions of -sportsmanship or the influence of lager leads them; Westchester County, -like some of our famous _prima donnas_, is fair to look upon, but great -on shakes--too much so for perfect repose; and Jersey will be a pleasant -place to live in when the inhabitants, individually and as a government, -cease to live off strangers. - -The locality referred to--the chosen spot of this earth--the Eden of a -country village--has none of these drawbacks. An invigorating breeze -blows over pure salt marshes; Germans do not trespass nor make one -afraid; no man residing there has ever had a case of chills and fever, -no matter what may have happened to his neighbor, where the boys are -forever out o’ nights and exposed to the dew; and the inhabitants are -always ready to kindly take a stranger in. - -It is a village, and yet country houses stand embosomed in majestic -trees; cows pasture in the vacant lots and bellow in the streets; -nurseries for the propagation of trees and shrubs give a condensed -edition of miniature forests, and furnish in one rod the flowers that -Nature, if left alone to her parsimonious way, would scatter over an -acre; gas is in the residences, pigs root in the public roads, and early -peas are combined with plank side-walks. This unequaled concentration of -attractions can be reached in thirty minutes from either the upper or -lower part of the city--of course New York city is meant, as no one need -leave Philadelphia or Boston to get into the country--and by a most -delightful route, partly on water and partly by railroad. The trains run -every hour all through the day, and the line is the safest in the world. -This spot, so desirable, so infinitely superior to all others, is -Flushing, Long Island. - -I have some property at Flushing which I should like to sell in lots to -suit purchasers; in fact, it is five acres of such lots--the five acres -that this book is all about. I owned this superior investment when “Ten -Acres Enough” led me to thinking that if the author could make such a -delicious thing of a plot of sand in New Jersey, as much could probably -be done with half the area in the fine soil of Flushing. Unfortunately, -my land had no improvements, but then it was a magnificent level square, -precisely like a block in the city, and admirably adapted to building. -Otherwise my five acres were full as good as the half of his ten acres; -the grass seemed to be abundant, for the cows of the entire neighborhood -had grazed on it from time immemorial; a previous owner had been once -known to plant cabbages, and the tradition is that they grew and came -out cabbages, and did not, as they usually do, spread themselves and -become very fine but rather loose leaves. The soil was deep, a well -having been sunk on the adjoining property without descending beyond it, -or reaching any water worth speaking of; and the exposure was as sunny -as could be desired--there being only six trees, and one of those in -doubtful health, on the entire five acres. Teachers generally say, on -receiving a new pupil from another master, that there is more trouble to -unlearn than to learn; here there was nothing to be undone--everything -was to be done. It was not exactly a virgin soil, but, like a lovely -widow, it had lain fallow--a friendly farmer made use of that word--so -long, that it would be grateful for the touch of a rake or a hoe. There -was no garden, no fence, no orchard, and no fruit-trees of any kind -except one apple-tree, but then the nurseries and a little labor would -make this right. - -An unpleasant suspicion crossed my mind that perhaps it would have been -better if some of these things had been done to my hand, and that -possibly I was not exactly the man to do them in the best way; but a -second perusal of “Ten Acres Enough” was enough for me, and these absurd -doubts were banished forever. If an uneducated mechanic could leave -Philadelphia, rescue a decaying farm, and make it splendidly -remunerative, why could not an educated lawyer from New York convert an -uninjured farm into the eighth or ninth--we Americans have added a few -to them--wonder of the world? - -The affair was as simple as could be. With a class-book of botany, a -recipe from Professor Mapes, a few cuttings of some wonderful new -berry--of which, doubtless, there were plenty, and Bridgman’s -“Gardener’s Assistant,” the result was certain. It was merely a question -of seeds, weeds, and manure--the first and last to be encouraged, and -the other to be eradicated. - -After all, what is the wonderful science in farming? You put a seed in -the ground, and it comes up--that is, if it does come up--either a pea -or a bean, a carrot or a turnip, and, with your best skill and greatest -learning, you can not plant a pea and induce it to come up a bean, or -convert a carrot into a turnip. As for planting, any fool can do that, -and as for making it grow, the wisest man in the land can not effect it. -These and a few other similar arguments were entirely conclusive, and -soon visions of the accomplished fact engrossed my mind. - -I should have a neat, modest, small, but cosy little house; square, for -economy’s sake, but surrounded on all sides by a deep piazza; the garden -should be filled with delicious vegetables, fruits, and berries, the -earliest and best of their kinds; there should be a magnificent bed of -asparagus--that king of the kitchen garden--a dozen long rows of -strawberries, with fruit as luscious as a young girl’s lips; Bartlett -pears, early peas, peaches and cream--the latter only indirectly -vegetable--cauliflowers, tomatoes, mushrooms, lettuce--every thing, in -fact, that a gentleman eats when he can get it, and nothing that he -eschews when he can do no better. The residue of the farm was to be -partly orchard and partly market garden, and this was to supply the -family during the winter and pay the expenses of the household. - -It is an immense satisfaction, of a hot evening in summer, even in the -prematurely scorching days of June, to leave the city, after a long day -of labor and trouble, and, rushing away with railroad speed into the -country, to enjoy the delicious air and cool breeze, to sit beneath the -outspreading trees, to wander through the woods, to bathe in the brook, -to doze or smoke in the shade. The scent of the blossoms or the hay, or -no smell at all, is such an exquisite relief from the customary odors of -New York streets. The sun seems to lose half and the air to gain double -its ordinary power. The pleasures are so innocent, the matters of -interest so pure, the mind is braced but not wearied. The garden, -whether kitchen or flower garden--those delightful adjuncts of a country -place--is such an infinite source of health, improvement, and delight. -Man, confined to the city by dire necessity of money-making, recognizing -the country as the natural sphere of his existence, dreams of a neat, -quiet, retired country place, and books such as “Ten Acres Enough” -persuade him to convert these dreams into realities. - -I had always been troubled with similar visions, although by a strange -fatality my education in country matters had been wofully neglected, for -I could hardly distinguish tomato-vines from egg-plants, and had not the -remotest notion of modes or seasons of planting; but, now that there was -a possibility that these imaginings might be realized, I was so charmed, -that I resolved to record my experiences for the guidance and -instruction of others. Thus it came about that this work was written; -and if it is occasionally defective in style and irregular in plan, it -is probably not more so than was my farming. - -In looking over this introduction with a view to getting up a revised -and enlarged edition of “Five Acres too Much” some fifteen years after -the original was written, I find little to add and less to change in it. -Finding my farm of five acres so remarkably improving, productive, and -remunerative, I purchased one of twenty-five, afterwards another of a -hundred and twenty, and now I own, have, hold, possess, till, and enjoy -three hundred and fifty broad acres of health and fertility. To-day I am -the “past grand” of farmers, for I have raised the giant squash which -admits to the innermost circles of the initiated. My readers will be -glad to learn that Patrick is still with me. My farming and my writings -on farm-life would have been a failure without his efficient aid, and -he still possesses that versatility of resources which in the original -pages of this work almost elevated him to the rank of genius. I have -added some of our modern experiences, and believe the patient reader -will find them fully equal to anything I had previously chronicled. When -my dear old friend and instructor Mr. Horace Greeley first read my -humble contribution to the literature of plough and spade, he pronounced -the unpleasant criticism that “the man who wrote that book ought to be -kicked.” But I felt that he was in error, or that possibly jealousy -rather than public spirit dictated his cynical words, because “What I -knew about Farming” differed in some essentials from what he knew, -although we had in the main reached the same results. An additional -chapter gives my subsequent operations, which were as gloriously -successful as the previous ones, and prove beyond dispute the delight, -benefit, and profit of rural occupations when they are intelligently -conducted by a citizen of liberal education, scientific attainments, and -vigorous back. - - THE AUTHOR. - -May, 1885. - - - - -FIVE ACRES TOO MUCH. - - - - -CHAPTER I. - -A COW. - - -It was early in winter when I made up my mind finally to erect a country -house on the Flushing five acres. Plans, and size, and arrangements were -in the vague and misty future; for months the ground could not be broken -to build the foundations, and little could be done besides preparing for -the next year. The first thing that seemed of vital importance was the -stock. Pigs and chickens could be obtained at any time; horses had to be -had, of course, but need not bother one till the last moment; but a cow -was a creature that must be taken when a good one offered. Moreover, I -have a weakness for cows: it is a purely theoretical interest, for my -knowledge is less than moderate, not even extending to the mode of -milking them; but their big eyes, and gentle manners, and unnecessary -horns, and split feet, have always filled my heart with love and -wonder. Horses are miserable creatures, invariably doing precisely what -they ought not to do, kicking when they ought to go, going when they -ought to stand still, balking when their owner is in the most frantic -haste; forever sick, or lame, or requiring to be shod--a pest, a -nuisance, and a bore. But cows do not balk, or run, or go lame, or need -shoeing; and although they occasionally kick over the milk-pail, it is -probably with good reason or with the best of intentions. They have nice -long coats that keep them from catching cold in winter, and have an odd -way of perspiring through their noses that is as curious as it is -interesting. A cow is a model--without referring to this last -peculiarity--for a wife; she is gentle, good, and beautiful, and never -makes a fuss. The first point, therefore, was to buy a cow. - -I had a friend living at Flushing named Augustus Weeville, who had been -there several years, and who had acquired great knowledge of the -intricacies of rural performances, and, among other things, was learned -in cows. In fact, he was learned in most farming matters, and, being -naturally proud of his adopted village, and interested in my success in -emigrating thither, gave me throughout his valuable advice and -assistance. - -Of course, his aid was called in on the cow question, and equally, of -course, he knew an Irishman--by-the-by, what can be the reason that -Irishmen are the only people that have cows to sell? Is it because they -love cows, or hate them? The whole world knows their “strong weakness” -for pigs, but do they collect rare specimens of cows out of pure -affection, to dispose of to curiosity-seekers having good homes? Or is -it that they love pigs too well to endure the presence of a rival, and -dispose of the bovine race as fast as they obtain them? However that may -be, if you ever want a cow, an Irishman will want to sell you one; and -this particular Irishman had a particularly fine animal--just the thing -for the occasion. - -Before purchasing, I made a few elementary inquiries--as to what cows -eat, how much exercise they needed, in what manner they were to be -stabled, and how many quarts of oats they would require daily. My friend -replied that they preferred a warm mash, to be given three times a day; -and when he saw from my countenance that my mind was a blank on the -subject of warm mashes, he explained that hot water was poured upon bran -and meal mixed, and that the mixture was then usually called a mash, -although why and wherefore he could not distinctly say. Then, carried -away by the extent of his knowledge, and rousing to the subject, he went -into the habits of cows in general; that he thought ship-stuff was an -excellent change of diet; that they liked hay, turnips, carrots, -potato-peelings, bread, slops of all kinds that were not greasy; that -they were not fed oats, and required no exercise and no care, in the -stable, but stood in the sun all day long, winking and blinking with -contentment, and put themselves to bed at night; that the one he -referred to was not young, but gentle and a good milker; and mentioned -incidentally that he hardly knew where I would keep her in the city, as -no cow would ever go down the area steps and through a narrow hall-way -into a back yard. - -Now I knew nothing of bran, and meal, and ship-stuff, and only listened -with an attempt at an intelligent smile, satisfied that the articles -could be purchased by name, and without explaining their nature; but I -was well aware that the yard was the only place in which to keep the -cow, and that the road to it was down the steps and through the lower -hall; at least, if there was any other way thither, I had not yet -discovered it, and I had owned my house then some twenty years. So this -casual objection was quite a serious one, and we were compelled to -discuss the feasibility of leading the animal up the front steps--a -proceeding, however, which would have required her to go down the back -ones--or hoisting her over the fence. As these measures did not seem -practicable, and a cow must be had, my friend mildly suggested that -several Irishmen with a stout rope might drag her through the -passage-way; and as my faith in the nature of cows was illimitable, it -was determined to make the purchase on the chance. The weight of a cow -was to me an utterly unknown quantity, and the floor she was to pass -over having once, on a previous occasion, and without any great strain, -given way, a carpenter had to be called in to strengthen it. He, in his -enthusiasm, and being probably as ignorant as myself, used so many -supports that it would have been strong enough to carry an elephant, -while four able-bodied men were engaged from a neighboring stable, and -provided with a good-sized rope, so that we were fully prepared for any -emergency. - -In order that there may be no mistake in the debit and credit of this -transaction, it must be known that the cow cost $100, to be delivered at -the door free of charge. So this sum must be charged to principal as so -much invested in stock, whether it ever entered my back yard or not; and -the interest on it will hereafter be one of the current expenses, -amounting, at seven per cent., to exactly $7 a year. It is essential -that these matters should be watched; “look after the pennies, and the -pounds will take care of themselves;” and the point would be whether the -cow’s milk and so forth would hereafter pay $7 annually net profit. - -The day appointed to receive my new pet arrived, and with it the animal, -while four brawny, red-handed Irishmen, strong enough to pick her up and -carry her if she resisted, were at the door. They at once became -excited, and prepared for action, and the cow looked wild and -threatening as they closed in around her. Her owner, who was leading her -with a cord, called out “soo-so-o-o” in a deprecatory manner, that -evidently produced no effect; he, however, got her head to the first -step, where she hesitated, and began to sniff suspiciously. The moment -of action had evidently come, and I was about to shout to my supporters, -who had been carefully instructed as to their duties, “Up, guards, and -at her,” when the lower door opened, and an intelligent Irish female -appeared, holding a turnip in her hand. The effect was magical; the -creature’s countenance changed instantly; turnips evidently had been -scarce with her, or her owner, not thinking it worth while to waste -food that would not be paid for, had left her hungry; she advanced her -nose expectantly, and, as the tempting viand was skillfully withdrawn, -followed it and the “retiring maid” down the steps, through the hall, -and into the yard. - -[Illustration] - -Four natives of the “Gem of the Sea” were sadly disappointed; they came -for an “illegant bit of a scrimmage,” and determined to make that cow do -what she did not want to do, as well as increase their reward by -extraordinary violence; and they would have liked to follow her, and, as -they could not make her go in, make her come out against her will, and -without the allurement of turnips. Of this satisfaction her -incomprehensible behavior had deprived them, and they went away sad and -disappointed men. This incident only placed the character of cows on a -still more exalted pedestal, and fully justified my confidence. - -My friend Weeville had given me specific directions in writing how to -feed that cow; exactly how much bran--of which, after some trouble, and -a vain attempt to buy a few pounds of it, I had obtained a bag--was to -be mixed with a certain proportion of meal; and how often daily this -mess, which is probably English for mash, covered with warm water, was -to be fed; and about how much hay would fill up the intervals. These -instructions were carefully transmitted to the servant who had charge of -the dairy, with particular injunctions to carry them out to the letter, -and not to deviate from them in the smallest particular. - -For several days my new purchase demeaned herself unexceptionably, being -quiet and well-behaved; but at the end of about a week she began to -bellow, and kept on increasing her complaints daily until they became -unendurable. Neighbors put their heads out of windows, evidently -meditating dire resolves unless “something were done, and that -shortly,” whenever I went into the yard to appease her. - -What to do was not very clear. When my dog howls I go out and whip him, -and he appears to think that is the right thing to do, and stops; but a -cow is such a big thing to whip, and she did not seem to be in the least -mollified by a few strokes of a stick that I tried. Gratitude for my -good opinion should have induced that cow to take a hint from her equine -friends and put a “bridle on her tongue,” but, instead of doing so, she -gave free vent to her feelings, and, in spite of petting or flogging, -abusing or praising, made “the air musical.” My exalted admiration for -her race diminished as sleep fled from my pillow, and murderous thoughts -possessed my soul. I seemed to see a dagger “with its handle to my -hand,” which looked much like a butcher’s knife, and there was an -estrangement springing up between us that might have terminated fatally -had not the Celtic heroine of the turnip adventure reappeared. With the -energy peculiar to that sympathetic race, the lady of the kitchen -announced, “It was starving, the poor baste was; and if the master would -let her feed the crayture all she wanted, there would be no more noise -at all, at all.” That consent was not long withheld; one more roar -removed all scruples of dignity, superior intelligence, and the like, -and Biddy fled to the meal-tub. She returned in ten minutes with the -biggest tub of mash the cow or myself had ever seen. The former--not -Biddy, but the cow--plunged her nose into it nearly to the eyes, and -devoured it without once pausing, and then did the like with a -replenished dish. My opinion of the intelligence of cows and Biddies was -elevated, and I concluded cow-feeding was not my specialty. With those -two feeds, or more properly gluts, of mash, comfort returned to my -household. - -About the time that these events occurred, milkmen had concluded that -the lacteal fluid--or what they sold for such--was scarce and valuable, -and they raised the price to the rate of twelve cents a quart. Our cow, -which had been baptized with the name of Cushy, gave about eleven quarts -daily, and as the household only needed six, there was a clear opening -for profit to the extent of sixty cents a day. Pure milk is rather a -rarity--by which is intimated that it is not universal--in the milkmen’s -carts in the great city of New York, where that of a watery consistency -and cerulean hue is more common than the dull, pale opaque of the real -article. In fact, it is said by dairymen that milk just as it comes from -the cow is heating--too heating for persons confined to the narrow and -unhealthy limits of a city, and should have a little dash of fresh water -to take the fire out. - -In spite of their convincing arguments, however, an individual was found -so little alive to the excellence of the dealer’s milky way as to be -ready not merely to pay the current price, but to supply his own cans -and send for the milk. This opened a magnificent vista; it was the first -of the long series of profits that were to flow in one steady stream -from the country place or its accompaniments. If one cow yielded a clear -daily income of sixty cents, that a hundred or a thousand would yield -proportionally more was merely a question in the rule of three. - -There was one little matter, however, that somewhat impaired the full -measure of this success. The haymakers, or whoever they are that own -hay, had raised the price of their goods to keep pace with the price of -milk, so that hay was at the moderate rate of two dollars or two dollars -and a half a hundred pounds. Moreover, that was an uncommonly -intelligent cow, and she used her superior gifts to assure her own -comforts, regardless of my feelings or my profits. The hay was stored in -a closet under the steps that led down into the yard, and, in spite of -every care and contrivance to keep her out, Cushy would open the door, -and not only help herself to all she wanted, but throw down armfuls -under her feet, and then, like all her dainty race, she would utterly -refuse to eat whatever had become dirty. If the door was latched, she -pushed the latch up; if bars were placed across, she removed them with -her horns; if a rope was used, she broke or stretched it; and if she -could not get in otherwise, she would tear the whole away. - -After trying many plans, the door was ingeniously hung from the top, so -that, as was supposed, it would effectually prevent her unauthorized -inroads; but next day it was found at the other end of the yard, having -been carried thither on her head. Besides, the amount of hay she ate -seemed to have no effect in diminishing the quantity of mash she wanted; -rather she appeared to carry into practice the deceptive proposition of -the stingy father to his hungry sons--that he who ate the most meat -should have the most pie--by demanding more bran the more hay she -consumed. - -In spite of these drawbacks she was an immense convenience. Her -manufactory seemed to work better than more scientific and artificial -arrangements, and turned out a more agreeable article than the most -skillful chemical milkman. However disgraceful to human nature is the -confession, science is nowhere against a cow. To be sure, she would on -wash-days carry a few clothes off the lines, and drag them around in the -most nonchalant and unconcerned way conceivable; would even now and then -get her horns mixed up with the lines generally, and pull out half a -dozen hooks; but the moment this was done she was entirely satisfied, -and would stand perfectly quiet until she was disencumbered. She made -more dirt than was altogether sightly, and a man had to be engaged to -come daily and remove it. - -[Illustration] - -These various eccentricities added somewhat to her cost, and made it -difficult to compute the amount accurately; but, apart from the value -of clothes and clothes-lines, her feed cost thirty dollars a month, and -the man’s attendance six more. So long as she kept on giving twelve -quarts a day, there was a clear profit of four cents daily, besides the -thorough manuring of the yard, which with farmers is an important point, -and would have been more valuable in this instance if it had been -possible to grow any thing in it, and had it not been, unfortunately, -that, for some unknown reason, not even a spear of grass had ever been -willing to exist there. - -The quantity of milk, however, soon began to diminish, until, after six -weeks, the arrangement with our neighbor had to be discontinued. This -reduced the profit, although Cushy still gave more than an abundance for -our family, and there would have been a loss had not hay and bran come -up to the occasion by coming down in price. The reader, therefore, must -call upon the author of “Ten Acres Enough” to determine, by a few -algebraical eliminations, whether, if a cow’s yield falls off more or -less, and her feed diminishes in price considerably, there is a loss or -profit, and if so, why so, and how much. For my part, I never could -arrive at any satisfactory conclusion except that pure milk and fresh -cream were, either combined or separate, very satisfactory. - -Cushy had an excellent disposition; she never exhibited but one evil -passion, and that was for the meal-tub: she would feed from the hand or -a pail, or, in fact, in any way, so long as she was fed enough. Upon -this regimen she waxed fat, until it became a serious question whether -she would ever again pass out of the doors that it was at first doubtful -whether she would enter. Her stomach was of goodly size when she came, -and I did not wonder that it occupied so much of her thoughts; but it -grew prodigiously, and she had a way of standing still by the hour, with -her head under the clothes on the lines, when the sun began to grow hot -in the spring, or of lying at full length in their shade, that was -evidently conducive to corpulency. When she wanted her meals, which she -did not only at frequent intervals, but whenever any one came into the -yard, she would go to the kitchen window, and, thrusting forward her -head as far as the bars permitted, would “moo” gently to express her -wants. If not attended to immediately, she would soon speak louder, and -at last would demand food in the most peremptory tone of stentorian -bovine lungs. She invariably had her desires gratified, and thus was -this interesting evidence of intelligence greatly developed. She had an -amusing way of playing with whatever boxes or baskets might be left in -the yard, somewhat regardless, to be sure, of their fragile nature; she -would carry them on her head round about, and occasionally pin them to -the earth with a thrust of her horns; and if she found the stable, which -was of wood, close and uncomfortable, she now and then walked out of it -through the side, but did these things in so unconscious a way that no -one could find fault. - -She kept on growing fat and fatter--(to continue her history and -somewhat anticipate events)--until summer came, and it was necessary to -send her to the country. Then the services of another Irishman, of -course, were called into requisition, and he started off from the house -with her, early one morning in June, to lead her eight miles to her -future home at Flushing. Neither himself nor the cow was heard of again -till late that night, when, with startled countenance, he related his -adventures to my friend Weeville. He had hardly turned the corner before -a butcher rushed out and announced that he wanted to buy that cow. -Patrick indignantly refused, true to the aristocratic Irish idea that -the employer is always above disposing of any thing; but the butcher was -irrepressible, and, pulling out his wallet, offered ninety-five dollars -for her; but Pat retorted. “You’ll not get the likes of her for -ninety-five dollars.” This the would-be purchaser mistook for a haggle -over price, and demanded how much she would be sold for, when Patrick, -breaking away from him with indignation, answered resolutely, “She is -not for sale at all, at all, but going to the country for air and -grass.” - -“But it’s an awful time I’ve had with her,” he continued, in his -narration. “Sure and didn’t she lay down with me twelve times, and -didn’t I think every blessed time that she would niver get up again? Her -tongue hung out a yard, in spite of me watering her at every trough -along the road. She kept me ever since tin o’clock this very morning, -and would stop to rest whenever she felt like it, until I began to think -I shouldn’t get home till next day.” - -Thus Cushy exhibited another evidence of her intelligence. As she had -heretofore insisted upon being fed whenever she was hungry, she now had, -with equal peremptoriness, demanded rest when she was tired. Fat and -unaccustomed to travel, she made the Irishman conform to her views of -speed, like the superior being she was, knowing well that he was only -sent to wait on and accompany her in her journey. She was evidently -pleased with the country, being found next morning up to her knees in -clover; and, had it not been for the attacks of a gadfly, which she -resented furiously, she would have led a perfectly happy life. She -certainly was a model animal. My presentiments of success were not -mistaken, and I felt almost like claiming, with the modest author of -“Ten Acres Enough,” that my impressions were never wrong. - -[Illustration: PORTRAIT OF A LADY.] - - - - -CHAPTER II. - -A HOUSE, PLANS, AND SPECIFICATIONS. - - -If there is any one thing on which I do pride myself more than another, -it is my ability to plan and lay out a house. No matter how remarkable -the shape of the lot may be, I can always devise an admirable -arrangement; and if architecture, not law, had been my fate, the public -would have been surprised at my productions. To be sure, chimneys have -an inconvenient habit of coming up through windows, and windows of -getting in the way of partitions, or locating themselves in odd and -unsymmetrical places; sometimes the only passage from the kitchen to the -front door, after my plan is completed, will turn out to be through -every room on the first floor, and occasionally the stairs will be -omitted; but these are matters for the practical builder to correct--the -great point is to mark out the general scheme scientifically. - -Of course, therefore, the first thing to do toward building my intended -house was to prepare the plans. A large house--a huge pile of wood or -brick--is an abomination, and it costs so outrageously (the profit or -loss was never out of my mind); but there seems to be a limit in -reduction of size that can not be surpassed. I at once proceeded to lay -out an admirable plan for a house twenty-four feet square, a neat, nice, -cosy, comfortable little cottage; and this is an economical size, -because it requires precisely two lengths of board. I arranged for a -grand hall through the centre, and a piazza round three sides; there -were four rooms on each floor, and it would have been perfection had not -the parlor and dining-room proved to be only about seven feet by twelve, -which, after some careful measurements, was determined to be rather -small. - -However, the plan had so many recommendations that I determined to make -an effort with it. In my younger days I had passed much time in -Connecticut, and had there seen houses of the nicest kind, attractive -inside and out, and which were said to cost only a few thousand dollars -apiece. A friend of mine, residing on Long Island Sound, had imported -one, which came to him cut out, sawed and marked, ready to be put up. -So, having determined to try something of the same nature, I inquired -the name of the maker, and sent him my plan, requesting an estimate. -Instead of returning me an estimate by which I could readily calculate -for a little increase of size, the stupid fellow replied that he would -come to New York and show me some plans of his own. I wrote a severe -letter in answer, saying that I wanted an estimate, not a plan. Since -then I have not heard from the gentleman, and believe he is still -studying out the beauties of my arrangement, and will, one of these -days, come before the world as a great architect on the strength of my -abilities. - -Not to be put down or deterred, however, I made other plans, some of -which had the kitchen outside, some in the basement, and others on the -first floor. In one there was a piazza on all sides, in another there -was no piazza whatever; some had the servants in the garret, others -placed them in the cellar. I was ready to erect an entirely new house, -or to convert an old barn that was near the premises into two or three -houses. There was nothing that my resources were not equal to, and the -drawings would have furnished quite a new stock in trade for a young -architect. - -My friends gave me their advice. They respectively assured me that I -could not live with my kitchen in a wing, and could not exist if it were -any where else; that I would be robbed if the servants were in the -attic, and robbed and murdered if they were on the ground floor; that no -house was worth building unless it were filled in with brick, and that -brick filling was a mere waste of money; that it would be hot as an oven -if it was not double boarded, or if it was double boarded and not double -plastered; that every floor must be deafened, or that the noise overhead -would be unendurable, and that deafening would be of no use whatever; -that the roof must be of gravel, or it would leak, and if made of gravel -it would break the entire building down; that oiling was the true mode -of protecting the woodwork, and that nothing whatever but paint would -answer; that the natural wood was the most beautiful trimming, and that -only stained or painted woodwork was decent; that the proper way was to -paper the walls, and that no paper would stick on fresh walls. There was -much more equally valuable advice, for which I was exceedingly grateful, -and desire again publicly to thank my friends. - -While ruminating over these statements and my various different -projects, I was struck with the appearance of a neat little house in one -of the streets of the village. It was a parallelogram, which is the most -practical and economical shape for a house, and had a modest little -piazza in front, and a pretty French roof above. The internal -arrangement, with such modifications as my superior experience -immediately dictated, was absolute perfection. The building was only -twenty-four feet by thirty-six, yet there were seven comfortable rooms -on the first and second floors, the parlor moderately large, the -dining-room long and narrow to suit a dinner-table, and the bedrooms of -admirable proportion. I determined at once, with the heroism of -self-control, to abandon my own fancies, and to look and think no -farther; but, having completed my modifications, gave them to a -draughtsman, to be expressed in builders’ signs and particularized with -specifications. This event suggested the following beautiful sentiment: -It often happens that, while we are roaming over the world to gratify -our desires, the precise article for the purpose is at our very doors. - -The drawings and specifications were soon made out in gorgeous style; -there was a beautiful picture of what the house would look like, with an -amount of finish and moulding that did the draughtsman great credit, -showing the inside and outside, sections and ground plans, stairs and -closets; and the specifications provided how every nail was to be -driven, and were completed with a minuteness that would set imposition -at defiance. When finished, they were submitted to several builders for -estimates. - -This happened at a time when, although the inflation of gold had passed -its culminating point, labor and materials were at their highest. The -builders, smarting under the recollection of unprofitable contracts made -on a rising market, were deaf to my eloquent observations on the -certainty of a rapid fall in the value of articles at a time when the -war was manifestly drawing to a close. They had lost faith not only in -the ninety-days’ theory of our leading modern statesman, but that the -rebellion would die other than a lingering death, and refused -obstinately to be convinced. Some of them offered to oversee the work on -a commission, by which ingenious arrangement the more they wasted the -more they would make. Others charged nearly double what was the fair -value, insisting upon allowing for a farther rise in prices. One man was -so entirely overcome that, after keeping the plans a month, he returned -them secretly, ran away, and was never heard of afterward. - -New York being pretty much exhausted by this time, application was made -to the carpenters of Flushing. With one exception, they declined the -job, as they called it, entirely; but this one put in the lowest -estimate that had yet been made, so that the reader will perceive that -Flushing contains not merely the finest building-lots and the gentlest -cows, but the most intelligent and enterprising carpenters. There was -only one difficulty in the way of closing with this proposal, and that -was, as he coolly informed me, that he could not finish the house till -next winter. Now I wanted a summer residence, not a winter one. The city -is a sane man’s home in bleak and stormy weather, but in the summer -solstice the green fields and fragrant pastures, limpid brooks and shady -trees, tempt an equally sane man (meaning myself, of course) into the -country. It is true, much time had been wasted over specifications and -estimates, especially by the man who ran away, and the spring was pretty -well advanced; but that house had to be done by July. So, as it was -impossible to accept the services of the intelligent Flushing mechanic, -or to make use of the admirably planned Flushing house, it became -necessary to cast about for some other means of accomplishing the -object. - -Over against the eastern end of that barren and crooked point of land -known as Cape Cod, which, projecting into the ocean, considers the -object of its being accomplished when it protects and shelters the “Hub -of the Universe,” lie three islands that were, in early days, according -to unquestionable tradition, the estate and property of an elderly -gentleman who was blessed with three daughters. On his death the ladies -are supposed to have divided the property among them. The daughters’ -names were Anna, Martha, and Naomi, and their names appertain to the -islands still. The largest is called Martha’s Vineyard, showing that -Martha had the good sense to cultivate the luscious fruit, although the -strict Puritan customs of those times may have forbidden her enjoying -its juice, except, perhaps, in the Puritan way--on the sly. Anna took -the next largest island, which from that day has been called Nantookit, -or Nantucket, the graceful Anna being vulgarized into the familiar Nan. -Naomi’s land has since been converted into Nomansland; and well it -might, for no man would have been contented with such a portion while -brothers carried off the broad acres of the neighboring islands, and few -women, except such submissive creatures as Naomis and Cinderellas are -popularly supposed to be. - -Of this group, Nantucket was once flourishing and populous, with a large -tonnage of whalemen, and a goodly population of whaling-men--where money -was so plenty and morals so pure that theft was unknown and hackmen -charged fair prices. This modern Arcadia, however, was sadly affected -by the rapid diminution of whales, was injured by the invention of -kerosene, and ruined by the discovery of petroleum, the barbarous names -of which had been, until lately, unknown in all that country. Whales -tried, for a time, to compete with these innovations, but, finding the -effort useless, gave up in disgust, and retired to their northern homes -beyond the reach of man. This would have made little difference if ships -were used in obtaining petroleum; but, although enthusiasts suppose it -comes from the decayed bones of whales that existed when this old world -was young, they had been buried “deeper than ever plummet sounded” -beneath the accumulations of modern dust; so the whalemen, being -useless, were sunk in Charleston Harbor, and the whaling-men sought -“green fields and pastures new” in California. - -Nan’s inheritance went to decay, and her people were our people--that -is, they learned to cheat, and the hackmen imitated their fellows. -Population diminished, building lots were worthless, and one half the -houses were vacant. But the inhabitants were a Scriptural people, and, -remembering how the patriarchal tribes, when water and grass became -scarce, struck their tents and struck out for better quarters, they -pulled down every man his house--and not only that, but every woman her -house--and carried them over to the main land. It was at the zenith of -this exodus that my troubles culminated, and hearing of a spot where the -inhabitants had each a house to sell, and wanting the article myself, -without more ado I ordered one to be delivered at Flushing. - -It was not necessary to see the new domicile; it was sufficient that it -came from Nantucket, the home of purity and truth, and to be put up by a -Nantucketan, doubtless a specimen of these qualities. He contracted to -pull it down, transport it to Flushing, and erect it on the premises -aforesaid, as we lawyers say, by the seventh day of July then next -ensuing; and if he failed so to do, then he was to forfeit and pay the -sum of ten dollars for each and every day’s default and delay over and -beyond such day as aforesaid; provided, however, nevertheless, if he -finished and completed such house before the first day of July, he was -to receive a further sum of ten dollars a day for each day that the same -should be so finished and completed before the said last mentioned, to -wit, the first day of July then next ensuing. His name was Sille--not -silly, as our New York builders would call him if they read those -provisions which, I think, do not disgrace my profession, and which of -themselves are more than worth, to the reader, the cost of this book. - -The contractor soon sent me a rough diagram of the house. It was not -exactly according to my views; instead of being an economical -parallelogram, it was made up of angles and eccentricities; the -architecture was of the conglomerate style, the main building being -Doric and the extension Corinthian; the former having a peaked roof so -perpendicular that it seemed as if it never would come to a point, and -that a fly would have difficulty in maintaining a foothold on it, and -the latter being so flat that a ball would hardly roll off the eaves. -The whole was ornamented with an unlimited amount of trimming and -moulding, and there were windows of all shapes and characters. There was -stained glass in the front and rear doors, plain glass in some windows, -and parti-colored panes in others; there were windows where no one would -expect them, and blanks where one would naturally expect windows. It -might have been called a model of surprises. To a person who prided -himself on his abilities for laying out a plan economically and -advantageously, this was discouraging; but, after all, to a philosophic -mind, so long as the necessary accommodation is obtained, the particular -plan makes little difference. - -Flushing is a small place, and any unusual occurrence throws it into a -wild state of excitement. Some one had been moving a house down its -main street in the ordinary manner, with rollers and a windlass, and its -slow rate of progression led to much animadversion, and many remarks -that in a country village pass for jokes. One by-stander wanted to know -whether it had stopped at the corner to take a drink, another desired to -inquire whether it was going to the city for a visit, and a third -sarcastically pointed out its rate of speed as an example for the -railroad company to imitate. The Flushing _Gazette_ took the matter up, -and had an editorial every week on the progress of the house. So the -reader can imagine what was the effect when the Flushingites learned -that a stranger was about bringing a house from Nantucket. The _Gazette_ -entered into the subject with spirited hilarity, hoping that it would -move faster than the “pattern house,” and wondering whether it would -sail down or come by land--suggesting that the other houses, the old -settlers, ought to call on the new-comer--and generally made itself -quite facetious over the affair. - -After signing his agreement, Mr. Sille disappeared, it was supposed, to -look up the house, and the foundation was rapidly completed by a -resident mason; but neither he nor the house reappeared. Weeks went by; -the prophecies of the incredulous were being confirmed; those who had -“known better” all along were in high spirits; the evidence was -altogether against the success of the new enterprise, and were among the -most favorable. It was rumored that contractor, house, and all had gone -down in a storm on the Long Island Sound. In the midst of these dreadful -rumors, a vessel appeared one morning at the dock near the premises, and -landed bricks, beams, and timbers--evidently what had been once a house, -and what must be a house again. The whole aspect of affairs changed; -hilarity succeeded gloom; doubts disappeared; hopes grew into -certainties; and the mason who was building the foundation engaged all -the carts, trucks, and wagons in the village to transport what he called -“the stuff” to my premises. He drove down in a great state of -excitement--only to find the gate to the dock closed and locked. - -Here was an unexpected block to the wheels of progress. There was a -high, strong gate. On one side, all the vehicles of Flushing; on the -other, a mass of timber, joists, boards, and shingles, supposed to -represent a house. On careful investigation, it turned out that an -Irishman named Barney--whether it was something Barney or Barney -something, no one ever knew, as he was invariably called simply -Barney--had hired the dock, and demanded “his damages” before he would -allow “the stuff” to leave. Here was a predicament--my house landed, all -the transportation of the village ready to remove it, and an obstinate -Irishman named Barney barring the way. He was immovable, however, -insisting upon “his damages;” so the carts, and wagons, and trucks drove -away, and the Irish character came under a lively discussion. The -inhabitants of the Emerald Isle are certainly a magnificent race, -especially when their biographer does not happen to own a house which -has strayed on their land, and does want to run for alderman; and if -they did not lie, steal, cheat, rob, murder, get drunk, perjure -themselves, quarrel, fight, and insist upon damages unreasonably, they -would be almost as good as other nations. Barney was evidently a -superior Irishman, and, as no one had ever landed a load of house at his -dock before, and probably never would again, he felt that the dignity of -tenants was at stake, and must be sustained. - -When these facts were reported to me I took down my law-books, and -prepared a rod for Mr. Barney. There was the clear right to land at a -public dock; there was the clear wrong of detaining property belonging -to another. Damages began to loom up before my eyes, and a very pretty -case as introduction to a lucrative legal practice in the place of my -newly-intended residence. Vistas of writs, and suits, and appeals, and -new trials, rose in my mind in graceful array, and I thanked Barney, who -was reported to be not only “ugly,” but responsible, with all my heart. -There were two difficulties in the way of legal action--first, that -until the suit was terminated the residence could not be built; -secondly, that Sille, who would have to be plaintiff, had disappeared -from the sight of man. Now the house might be delayed, as the damages -would thus be increased; but a suit without a plaintiff was beyond -ordinary legal remedies, and was not provided for even by the new Code -of Procedure. So Barney, Irishman-like, in spite of law, justice, sense, -or hospitality, kept my house, or rather intended house, by “force and -arms,” and the cellar and foundation were completed alone. - -A cellar is a delightful part of a house, it is so cool in summer and -warm in winter; it is such a nice place to store “things,” as the -housewives call them; but to have all cellar and no house is carrying -the point too far. It is a pleasant place when surmounted by the proper -amount of beams and mortar, but alone is like an alligator’s -countenance, altogether too open. I am not particular, and could have -made out during the summer months, probably, if the cellar had only been -upside down. - -The foundation was built, the mason was out of work, and myself out of -humor, when we were both again raised to the pinnacle of happiness by -the arrival of another vessel, which fortunately selected another dock, -and landed another house. On inquiry, it appeared that this was my -house. Lest the reader may suppose that Nantucket was so overflowing -with houses that they floated down the Sound and drifted ashore any -where, it must be explained that the first house was merely the -workshop. So the carts and trucks reappeared, and this time carried away -the _débris_ of what was once the house of some bluff seafaring -man--timbers that were shivered, as he had no doubt often requested they -should be, doors, windows, shingles, pieces of roof, floor-boards, -posts, moulding, and a thousand other odds, ends, bits, and pieces, in -the most admired confusion--and deposited them upon my entire five -acres, scattered hither and thither, as though they were component parts -of five houses instead of one. - -As Mr. Sille had not come with the house, but was to arrive the next -day--for it appeared he had been storm-bound in some of the numerous -“bights,” as the Yankees call them, of Nantucket or Martha’s -Vineyard--he sent a watchman who was to sleep among the “stuff,” and -prevent Mr. Barney’s compatriots from converting it into firewood. - -Mr. Sille was to arrive the next day. Week after week went by, but he -did not appear. The house lay on the ground as though a hundred-pound -rebel shell had dropped into the cellar and scattered it to the four -winds of heaven; the watchman waited, watched, and prayed, doubtless, -for relief, till his money was spent, and his shoes worn out, and his -coat thread-bare; I alternated between imbecility and fury; Barney even -was overcome, and sent word begging to have the workshop, which had been -placed on top of a pile of his hay, removed; and Flushing made it the -regular fashionable evening drive to visit my five acres to see how the -house was--not getting on. - -In about a month, when the mason had almost become crazy, myself -frantic, and Barney idiotic, Sille reappeared from Nantucket or some -other remote spot, looking like the ghost of his former self, and -announced that he had been at the point of death. Not taking into -consideration for a moment my losses and sufferings, he absolutely -wanted sympathy; in the first place, he must nearly drown himself, and -now he must catch the erysipelas, and expect me to feel for any one but -myself. I asked him sternly whether this was his habit with every house -that he moved, and explained that it must not happen again; that I had -been sick too--very sick of the whole affair; that the watchman had -become demoralized and run away; that it was nearly midsummer, and that -all Flushing was laughing at us. - -[Illustration] - -The watchman lived in a little place not larger than a good-sized -dog-kennel that he constructed from pieces of roof, and the boys of the -neighborhood considered it fine sport to pay him a visit of a dark -night, and signalize their presence by a shower of stones. His food was -never luxurious, being cooked by himself under many disadvantages and -with few utensils; and when his money became scant, it was supplied -mainly through the charity of the neighbors. He had no bedding and no -change of clothes; and when a murder was committed near by, and the -murderer was hunted through the place by constables, officers, and half -the people as _posse comitatus_, accompanied by all the dogs in the -village; and the crowd, yelling, screaming, and fighting, rushed over -the watchman’s kennel at midnight, waking him out of sleep, he could -stand it no longer, but incontinently fled to parts unknown; so that -Sille had not arrived too soon, and found every thing needing care and -attention. He went to work at once, and, bringing order out of chaos, -began rapidly to construct the confused mass of material into the form -and stature of a dwelling. - -Murders are abhorrent things to me; either from some natural -idiosyncracy, or from the training of my profession, which teaches -obedience to the powers that be, and prefers technicalities to violence, -I have a positive objection to murdering any one or being murdered -myself--especially the latter. It is so dirty and bloody, the body is -so dreadful to look at and so hard to dispose of, and the whole affair -so sudden and altogether unpleasant. I was anxious to know, before -settling in Flushing, whether murder was one of the institutions, and -was to be guarded against like chills and fever, musquitoes, and other -similar visitations. - -A day or two after the occurrence, I applied to my invaluable friend -Weeville for information, and inquired whether murders were a common -event in that neighborhood. His manner in reply was very encouraging. He -had lived in Flushing nine years, and this was the first case of the -kind. It was the most peaceable place he knew; in fact, he had hardly -ever heard a loud word spoken. He pictured it as the abiding-place of -angels or Quakers, and put my scruples entirely at rest. Violence, or -disputes even, among the Flushingites were not heard of, and murders -were far rarer than deaths by lightning. - -The day after this conversation there was a little friendly contest -among various fire-companies at the peaceable village to determine which -engine could throw the highest stream of water; and what was my -amazement, on reading the accounts in the daily papers, to learn that -the contest wound up in a free fight; that knives, pistols, and clubs -were freely used, and that four persons were killed and forty wounded. -For a family of semi-angels this was doing well. The philosophy of -averages furnished one consolation, however--Flushing had evidently -concentrated into one day its allowance of murders for the next five -years. - -None of Sille’s men were in the fight, although at first I anticipated -finding my cellar a hospital, and expected a renewed experience in the -matter of lint and bandages, such as occupied so much of our time during -the war. He kept on steadily adding boards, and windows, and siding, and -beams together, till they took on the semblance of a house. To be sure, -it was rickety and open as yet: one man fell between the timbers, -another out of a window, and a third from the roof--but that did not -hurt the house. - -Two Irishmen were one day at work digging a well, and I commenced -moralizing at their fate--doomed to a lower existence than hewers of -wood and drawers of water, not sufficiently intelligent, even, to cut -sticks, and condemned to carry wood and dig for water; their life one of -weary, heart-rending, back-breaking toil; no time for pleasure, no -chance to cultivate the intellect and develop the mind--a miserable -life, little better than death itself. - -Musing on their hard lot, I peered down into the deep hole they were -making in the ground during the intense heats of summer, wondering how -soon science would raise the lowest of men above the condition of beasts -of burden, when one of them, glancing up, perceived me, and inquired, -“Was I the boss?” I answered in the affirmative, and he informed me that -it was customary for the boss to “stand something” when he first came on -the ground. Moved by my sympathies, I stood a dollar apiece, explaining -that it must not be wasted in liquor, to which they assented with great -hilarity. Alas for sympathy, and charity, and the milk of human -kindness! those wretched men immediately clubbed their two dollars -together, and, converting them into gin, knocked off work and proceeded -to get drunk. They remained incoherent, as the term goes that is applied -to their betters, all the next day. As it was essential that the well -should be finished as rapidly as possible, my feelings changed, my -sympathy died a premature death, and I never stood any thing of the kind -again. - -What with drunken Irishmen and injured workmen, murdered villagers and -fighting firemen, the country house progressed slowly toward completion. -The walls, it is true, arose like mushrooms--those delicious vegetables, -which I must pause to compliment--in a night; the roof climbed into -place, partitions grew and floors were laid, windows crept into their -sash-cases, and doors and blinds were hung, but “the end was not yet.” -The seventh day of July had come and gone, and the country house bid -fair to be finished about Christmas time. - -Of the cost of the progressing dwelling it is not pleasant to speak; but -as this veritable history depends greatly, for its value to future -generations, upon its accuracy and minuteness, I will admit the expense -was not despicable. Labor was high, as the Nantucket builder explained, -and timber was high, and bricks were high, and Irishmen occasionally got -high, and altogether he was compelled--much against his wishes--to -charge a high price. As the building progressed, or rather failed to -progress, it was suggested that he may have charged enough to leave a -surplus to cover a few days’ delay at ten dollars a day; but that would -hardly have accorded with the proverbial honesty of Nan’s dower island. - -I concluded to hire a house near by, which, although not the one I -expected to occupy, was doubtless as good, and had the advantage of a -tight roof and solid walls. Here I could conveniently watch the progress -of the undertaking without being so deeply interested as if my lodging -depended on it. As distance is supposed to lend enchantment to the -view, the distant prospect of the completion of my house should have -been enchanting; and as summers invariably return every year, it would -be only a question of a few months, and my summer house would be merely -a next summer house. - -[Illustration] - - - - -CHAPTER III. - -MORE LIVE-STOCK--A HORSE AND A PIG. WHICH IS THE NOBLER ANIMAL? - - -In order to live in the country, one must own a horse; in order to keep -house in the country, one must own a pig. In popular estimation, the -animal creation stand in relation to man in the following order--cows, -horses, pigs, dogs. For the existence of a large portion of the race of -infants in these modern days of tight lacing and slender limbs, a cow is -a prime necessity; for utility in transferring one’s self from place to -place between which there is no railroad, or if there is, and the -person’s life is precious in his own eyes, a horse is extremely useful; -for association in contemplative moments and suggestiveness of -comfortable ideas, a pig is very pleasant; for the higher enjoyments of -life, for the sports of the field and wood, the dog takes first rank. - -I have already described the cow. My dog, like those of all my friends, -is the best in the world, and I bought the “love of a pig.” Pigs are a -highly intellectual race; they not only know on which side their bread -is buttered, but in which part of the trough to find the best-buttered -pieces. Reader, didst thou ever study the language of a pig--the -beautiful intonations of its various expressions; the grunt of welcome -at its master’s approach; the sharp warning to desist if punishment is -threatened; the squeal demanding more food, broken often into the most -piteous accents of entreaty; the cry of pain, or scream of rage? -Pig-language is a copious one, although the power to understand it is -given to but few of the human race. The expressions of a pig’s face are -most impressive; the eye speaks the enjoyment of a joke--twinkles with -fun, as we say; conveys an intimation of anger, or expresses scorn of an -underhand action or watchfulness against it. Who ever got the better of -a pig by fair means? Chase him, and see him provokingly keep half a -dozen feet ahead of you; try to drive him, and measure his obstinacy -even by that of your wife; endeavor to lead him, and make up your mind -to have a “good time.” - -Our pig united many pleasant qualities and points of sagacity to a -gentleness and suavity rare in the race; he had an appetite that was a -joy to behold, and was as effective an appetizer as a gin-cocktail. - -[Illustration] - -The household was large, and swill consequently abundant, but piggy -never shrank from his duty; he seemed to feel that the reputation of all -pigdom rested on him, and, no matter how often the trough was -replenished, he was ever ready to renew his attacks. His sides were -puffed out and rounded like a ball, but he would stand with one foot in -the trough, and never desist till the last morsel was consumed. He was -as clean and white as a baby in a morning-gown, and would allow his -flanks to be scratched in the most gracious way, grunting gently the -while, and occasionally turning over on his side. He was altogether a -rarely sociable companion: so much for our pig. - -In selecting a horse, there was one point I had made up my mind upon--he -must be gentle; he might be fast or slow, stylish or commonplace, but -kind in single or double harness, as the professionals term it, he -should be. My experience of horse-flesh has been varied and instructive: -I have been thrown over their heads and slid over their tails; have been -dragged by saddle-stirrups and tossed out of wagons; I have had them to -balk and to kick, to run and to bolt, to stand on their hind feet and -kick with their front, and then reciprocate by standing on their front -and kicking with their hind feet. I have seen more of a horse’s heels, -have known more of the intricacies and possibilities of a “smash-up,” -have had more bits of pole and whiffle-trees sent flying over my head -than falls to the lot of most men; I have been thrown much with horses, -and more by them; I have had them do nearly every thing they should not -have done, and leave undone all that they should have done. So -gentleness was the one prerequisite to a purchase, and many were the -animals I examined to secure this qualification, many the faults I -discovered; but I finally obtained the precise creature I wanted. He -was graceful, free, fast, stylish, and, above all, perfectly gentle--a -very family horse. - -On the confines of Flushing stands a house about two hundred feet from -the road, and surrounded on three sides by a high hedge of _arbor-vitæ_. -At the front is a court-yard, and what was once a stately entrance, with -a carriage-drive round a circle, and a number of noble forest-trees; but -the grass has covered the carriage-road, weeds have choked the lawn, and -the trees spread their scraggy branches untrimmed and uncared for. The -dwelling is large, and has a deep piazza along the entire front; it -gives every outward appearance of comfort, but no family has occupied it -more than two consecutive months for many years. The house is haunted. - -Many years ago an old French lady owned the place, and she had one -daughter--a beauty, of course--given to falling in love, equally of -course, or she would not have been French--and somewhat undutiful, as -the sequel will show. The mother, according to the ordinary Parisian -habit, wished to make a good match for her daughter; the latter, -according to the universal female habit, wished to select a handsome -husband for herself; the mother offered a wealthy and highly respectable -“mentor, guide, and friend” of sixty; the young lady chose a dashing, -devil-may-care lover of twenty-five. The parent dismissed the latter, -the daughter dismissed the former; the mother threatened to anathematize -if she was not obeyed, and, being disobeyed, did something of the -kind--what, among gentlemen, would be called “tall swearing.” The -daughter, who had learned the habits of American children, consented to -an elopement with her lover; the time was set, the hour arrived. - -It was a bright moonlight night, the seventh of October, in the year -eighteen hundred and no matter what; a high wind was blowing, and -scattered clouds were driving rapidly across the sky; the young -gentleman at the appointed hour stood at the gate with a pair of fast -trotters and one of the lightest turnouts of Brewster & Co., of Bond -Street, having engaged a clergyman in the city of New York. Time flew -by, but he waited in vain. His lady-love had not failed of her promises, -however, but, after her mother had retired, and by her loud snoring -attested the profundity of her repose, she quietly descended the stairs, -opened the front door silently as the expertest of thieves, and stepped -upon the piazza. At that moment a heavy cloud passed across the moon, -and a fierce gust slammed to the door; fearing that her mother might -have been aroused, she groped her way hastily across the piazza, caught -the balustrade of the steps, and--walked off on the wrong side. It was -a fall of ten feet; with a wild shriek she pitched head foremost on the -bricks of the area. - -The lover waited and waited, fearing let suspicions might have been -aroused, or resolution have failed; amid the noise of blustering winds -and falling leaves he thought he heard a cry of distress, and, at last -becoming uneasy, determined to visit his dulcinea’s window, and ask her -how she did. Tying his horses, he crept quietly along the shady side of -the hedge, which was that on the opposite side to her room, as he did -not wish to be seen. As soon as he reached the piazza, he followed along -under the edge of it till he came to the steps, where he waited for a -friendly cloud to conceal his movements, when he was compelled to pass -outside of them. - -The opportunity soon offered, he slipped by, and the cloud cleared away -just after he had stumbled on a bundle of clothes, as he supposed, -beyond the steps; he turned to look; and there, lying upon her back, -staring up to heaven with lack-lustre, wide-open eyes, the crimson -stains upon her white forehead telling her fate, stiff, and stark, and -cold, lay all that he held dearest in this world. Her lips would never -again whisper words of love; her heart had ceased to feel that passion -which had proved her destruction. The lover’s cries aroused the house, -and brought out the trembling mother to behold her daughter still -undisturbed, with the horror of sudden and cruel death upon her -unmitigated. And amid the shrieks of the parent and the lamentations of -the servants, the maddened lover, who had been attacked with a frenzy -that never left him, heaped reproaches, and retaliated with curses on -her whose curses seemed in his insanity to have caused this terrible -calamity. - -Of the parties to this tragedy there were none living in three months; -they were buried in adjoining graves, at the request of the mother, who -had it done apparently as an atonement. This palliation did not seem to -answer, however, for on the seventh of every month, at the hour of -eleven, a ghostly figure slips out of the front door, whether it is -locked or not, and with a scream falls from the piazza; a male figure -suddenly appears rent with agony at its side, and then another female -wringing her hands in despair, while the male gesticulates fiercely at -her. Such is this veritable history as I have it from the oldest -inhabitant, and it is no wonder that people do not like living in a -house with such associates. - -I do not often use our horse; I am not fond of driving, and have a vivid -recollection of the early accidents with horse-flesh heretofore -mentioned; but when it became necessary to buy a pig, my judgment was -indispensable, and I was compelled to drive to the place of his -residence--which was the haunted house. I did not know that it was -haunted, and, being well aware of the decorum that requires the master -of the establishment to “tool” his coachman, no matter how much more -competent the latter may be, I took the reins, and dashed in grand style -along the entrance to the door. Leaving the coachman at the animal’s -head, I walked to the pig-pen, which was in the rear of the house, and -there was soon engrossed in admiring the beautiful little creature that -I have already described. Many minutes were devoted to the contemplation -of his innumerable fine points, and I was only aroused by the noise of a -struggle, shouts for help, and a clatter of hoofs. Instantly running -toward the front, I arrived just in time to see the heels of Dandy -Jim--for such was the animal’s name--disappearing round the corner, and -to help my groom, who was lying on his back in the road, upon his feet. - -It seemed that the horse had stood perfectly quiet for several minutes, -then became uneasy, began to tremble, and turn his head with a wild look -over his shoulder. In spite of the efforts of the coachman, who was a -powerful fellow, and had been severely bruised in the struggle, he -reared and plunged violently, and finally, breaking away, dashed round -the circle, out at the entrance, and away up the road. The man firmly -believed that Dandy had seen the ghost, which was now mentioned for the -first time, although my views inclined to accept the occurrence as an -outcropping of the original sin of the horse family. - -The pursuit of a runaway horse is a melancholy operation--his speed is -so much greater than his pursuer’s; his means of flight so much better -than the latter’s opportunities for stopping him; he has four feet to -set against two, and knows so well how to use them; he has such -unpleasant soundness of wind and limb, and such a raging devil inside of -him, while the satisfaction of recovering ruined _débris_ is so slight, -and the mode of punishment so vague. I followed along as best I might, -picking up a cushion here, a blanket there, the whip in one place, and -the seat in another, inquiring of every one that I met whether they had -seen a horse, and being invariably answered “that they guessed they -had.” It is enough to say that, after smashing every thing to pieces, -tearing the body of the wagon from the wheels, tossing out what was -movable, and ruining his harness, Dandy Jim became satisfied, and -allowed a rustic to catch him. - -Here was a pretty family horse--afraid of a ghost when all respectable -families teach their children that there are no such things as ghosts; -running away under supernatural, and without even the excuse of mortal, -terror. I felt like shooting or selling--probably the latter, on -economical principles--Dandy Jim, but eventually concluded to repair, -or, more properly, remake the wagon. I could only have sold out at a -great loss--and I so rarely rode behind him. - -Dandy had several peculiarities of temper besides his fear of ghosts. He -did not like steam-engines--if he had known how many people they kill, -he would have been entirely justifiable; so one day, when I was crossing -the track after having been to make a visit to a friend--for no one -visits on foot in the country--Dandy Jim saw the engine approaching. -That was sufficient; he immediately rose on his hind legs and pawed the -air. This might possibly have contented him, but the leather straps, -which were not intended to stand such a strain, gave way, and the wagon -came upon his heels. What then happened I do not precisely know; he -seemed to fly; occasionally he would appear to rise above the trees, -and then to descend into the bowels of the earth; he leaped from side -to side of the road with an ease and rapidity that would have shamed a -well-practiced kangaroo; the wagon bounded after him like the tail to a -boy’s kite when the latter gets pitching about with the violence of the -wind, while his heels played like flashes of lightning far over my head. -Fortunately, a countryman ran to my assistance and held back the wagon, -while another caught the horse by the head. I rewarded those men -liberally. Now a family horse should not kick, nor plunge, nor rear. - -Another of his peculiarities was a dislike to standing. He did not mind -standing in the stable in the least, but when he was harnessed he -expected to keep moving. I hardly drove him sufficiently to learn his -eccentricities of temper, and on one occasion laid down the reins for a -moment. He immediately started, and the reins slipped over the -dash-board out of reach. Reader, have you ever experienced the feeling -of being run away with--I mean, female reader--by a horse? If not, do -not aspire to it. It is not pleasant. The motion is rapid, and perhaps -exhilarating, but it is not smooth, and the mode of stopping is -uncertain. There is little to do, and probably much to suffer, with a -possibility of ceasing to be. Dandy, instead of being a family horse, -ought to have been a race-horse; his speed was wonderful, though I -forgot to time it. I held by the dash-board, and shouted “ho!” at the -top of my voice. Evidently his knowledge of English was imperfect; he -mistook “ho” for “go,” and the more I shouted the faster he went. - -[Illustration] - -Where we went, or how we went, I never knew. When I came to my ordinary -senses, and escaped from what seemed to me like a blazing comet on a -“bust,” I found myself on the top of a pile of soft dirt--that species -of filth that the farmers obtain in the city, and put on their lands to -make vegetables grow. Although it smelled strong, and my clothes were -seriously damaged, my body proved, on careful examination, to be unhurt, -and my mental nature only badly scared. I concluded to sell that family -horse. My prejudices and impressions were in this instance, as in all -others, borne out by the result. I determined to wait, before I drove -again, till I could drive my own private steam-engine, for, with good -management, I believe steam-engines run smoother than horses. - -It is hardly necessary to mention other peculiarities, such as an insane -desire to eat me up whenever I passed near his head, in entire disregard -of the fact that Nature had not made him carnivorous, and an equally -intense wish to kick me with his heels whenever I passed by his flanks. -These idiosyncracies prevented my visiting the stable frequently, while -our out-door acquaintance he had made short, and not sweet. Fortunately, -he was lame most of the time, and when he was not lame he wanted -shoeing, so that the family were not able to risk their lives -unreasonably often. - -All this while the pig had been quietly feeding and growing; in fact, a -pig is a very different sort of animal. A pig never runs away and -smashes wagons; - -[Illustration] - -a pig never kicks people, nor dashes out their brains, nor drags them by -stirrups, nor does other such disagreeable things, but is gentle and -sweet tempered; he is all good. A boar’s head was the famous dish of -antiquity; his hams, and shoulders, and sides enable nations to carry on -war, ships to go to sea, and commerce to exist; his bristles help us to -keep our heads and clothes clean; his skin bestrides his competitor--and -then, upon the classic rule of a part standing for the whole, he is in -his right place; his petitoes are the delight of connoisseurs; his -entrails are converted into delicious sausages; and who has not read the -apotheosis of roast pig? Of a horse, the hide and bones perhaps are -useful, but the worthless carcass is only fit for carrion; dangerous in -life, while in death his boiling bones breed a pestilence. - -Which, then, is the nobler animal? - - NOTE.--My horse has just run away again, and I must go and collect - the wagon. - -[Illustration] - - - - -CHAPTER IV. - -THE COUNTRY, AND HOW TO GET THERE. - - -A very large portion of every man’s life is expended in transporting -himself from one place to another, and there are several modes of doing -it. The most disagreeable and disgusting is to crowd into a city -railroad car, and the next is to ride in an omnibus; the dyspeptic rich -use carriages, the healthy poor do not; you can go on horseback if you -know how to stay there and your horse is agreeable; in cold weather -skating is rapid, in warm weather steam-boats carry you luxuriantly; -and, if time is an object, and life is none, you trust yourself to the -locomotive. To reach Flushing, you must use both steam-boat and -railroad. - -“There is one thing,” said Weeville, in the commencement of our -enterprise, with his usual enthusiastic manner, “that you will -appreciate--the access to Flushing is most convenient; there are twelve -trains each way daily, and they run with perfect regularity. No -railroad in the country is so well managed as ours, and no trip could be -pleasanter. You have a half hour on the ferry-boat, and almost twenty -minutes in the cars, just a delightful variety and absolute safety. Why, -they have never killed a passenger since the track was laid.” - -This was certainly satisfactory information, and I had to regret that -the necessity of repairing this admirable road compelled its intelligent -and exemplary managers to reduce the number of trains considerably the -very day I commenced building. But it was certainly time the repairs -were made, as a train had just broken through a bridge, and commenced -the customary business of killing passengers; and the entire pile-work, -which constitutes one half the track, was discovered to be utterly -rotted out. I was not sorry the repairs were commenced, although I was -sadly inconvenienced, as the speed and regularity had apparently both -decayed with the woodwork. - -Compared with other places, the superior accessibility of Flushing was -apparent. The delay would be temporary, and for good purpose; whereas, -if you wish to live on the North River, it is an even chance that you -are dumped into the water every day or two; if you travel by the Long -Island road, you must carry a month’s provision, and carefully avoid -standing on the platforms or sitting in the front car--collisions, at -the moderate speed of this road, rarely affect the rear cars; if you are -on the line of the Erie, or Morris and Essex, you will have to clamber -over Bergen Hill, and take the train after it comes out of the tunnel, -provided you desire an approach to safety; and the weight and -inconvenience of a life-preserver on a hot summer day--even one of the -patent portable blow-up-able vests of modern invention--render -steam-boat travel unendurable. In going to Flushing you have a double -cause for rejoicing--you are first thankful when you are safe off the -steam-boat and on board the cars, and, in returning, doubly thankful -when you are safe out of the cars and back again on the steam-boat. - -There is an unreasonable prejudice in the public mind against being -killed on a railroad. There are many worse deaths: there is hanging, for -instance, but that, alas! is rare, or we should have fewer aldermen; -there is being broken on the wheel on the French antique model, or sawed -asunder after the Chinese fashion; lockjaw is unpleasant, apoplexy -uncomfortable, and epilepsy repulsive. In fact, death is so -disagreeable, and comes in so many ways, that a man hardly knows how to -make a judicious choice. Therefore I always sit on the end seat, -provided the ladies, as is their artless habit, bless their souls! have -each occupied a bench to herself, and have thus taken up all the room, -for I would as lief any time face death as a strange woman with a -hoop-skirt. Besides, by so doing I have a monopoly of this bench myself, -and, if I am to be killed, have it done out of hand and without -prolonged inconvenience. - -The Flushing cars were crowded, which proves what a thriving place it -was, for the gentlemanly directors would certainly never willingly -inconvenience or unnecessarily crowd their passengers; and the dépôt is -not skillfully constructed. Alongside the platform was the track of the -Long Island road, beyond it a narrow strip of two or three boards, and -then the Flushing track. As the Long Island train was always in, or -coming in, or going out when the Flushing train was about to start, much -practice, nerve, and courage were required to reach it safely. The other -train had either to be stormed or avoided; passengers had to dribble in -a long line between the tracks, or climb over the platform of the Long -Island cars; and, since no one insulted them by gratuitous advice, they -not unfrequently took the wrong train. - -As nerve, courage, and presence of mind are valuable qualities, and -rarely cultivated among ladies, Hunter’s Point dépôt was equal to a -public school, and deserved the commendation of the public. No man or -woman who has safely traveled by this road for a year need dread “the -battle or the breeze.” Any one who can stand on a platform not more than -two feet wide, and, unmoved, let one train whiz past in one direction -and another whiz past in the contrary, without allowing dress or person -to be caught or struck, deserves a diploma for self-command. Of course, -a few “go under” in learning how, but the mass of the traveling public -is vastly improved by the experience. - -The completion of the repairs of the road was not followed by an -immediate return to traditional punctuality. I remember reaching -Hunter’s Point one evening by the Twenty-third Street ferry “just in -time to be too late;” the train did not wait for the boat, which was -delayed because the pilot had a curious incapacity for steering into the -dock, and usually ran against all the pile-work of the neighborhood. The -train went out of the dépôt as I came into it. There was only an hour to -wait, however, and a person should never be without that amount of -patience; so I sat down on the platform, dangling my feet over the edge, -as was the universal custom, and commenced to endure an hour’s -unnecessary existence. It is queer how we hate life when it is forced -upon us, and how we love it when there is danger of its being taken away -from us. There sat half a dozen men who would have given from five to -fifty dollars each to have had sixty minutes less of life, whereas the -wretch on the scaffold would give five thousand for sixty minutes more. - -The hour went by, then another, and another, each bringing accessions to -the crowd of anxious, hungry, unhappy waiting men and women that clung -round the dépôt like drones round a hive, and giving me plenty of time -to work out the foregoing speculations. Night came upon us. The only -official--the ticket-man--shut up his office and went home, probably to -a loving wife and family; the brakeman put out all but one light; five -o’clock had resolved itself into ten. Conveyances of all kinds, from a -carriage down to a swill-cart, were in demand to carry passengers to -Flushing; fares by these novel and somewhat dilatory vehicles ranged -from one dollar to five. Men became disgusted, women exhausted, and -children irrepressible; but still no train. When I left in despair, at -about midnight, the men had fallen asleep on the benches, while women -were frantically demanding where there was a respectable hotel. - -Next day it appeared that the train had run off the track. On this road -the engine had, in those early days of its unperfected existence, the -habit of running with one end foremost while going, and with the other -end foremost when returning; so that, as it unfortunately is not -provided with a cow-catcher at both extremities, it occasionally met -with difficulties. On this particular occasion, during the return trip, -a stupid ox had planted himself in the way, entirely forgetting that the -cow-catcher was not there for him, and absolutely succeeded in -discommoding and annoying at least five hundred people, besides killing -himself--a piece of stupidity on his part only worthy of an ox. - -The trains had become very variable; during the first week of my -residence in Flushing, out of the six trips four were failures, and in -the first month I had completed the round of experiences. The boat had -missed the train, and the train had missed the boat; the boat had blown -or burnt up--I never knew which--and the train had gone off the track. -Several men who were not experienced in dodging had been killed; fuel -had given out, and water dried up; engines had grown wheezy, and bridges -become rickety; the pilot had run down the dock entirely, and the engine -reduced its speed to six miles an hour. Once the train started before -the time, but the outsiders became so enraged that no train ever -afterward started on time; in fact, every conceivable mode of evading -punctuality had been tested, but I was happy, at the conclusion, to be -able to repeat the immortal words, “I still live.” - -Philosophy is a great resource under such circumstances, and, after all, -there is often as much gained as lost by a want of punctuality. Many a -comfortable nap and undisturbed perusal of the daily papers--two -pleasures for which the ordinary day rarely furnishes -opportunities--have I had by the aid of the Flushing Railroad. Some -persons grumbled, and abused the officials, and uttered bad language, -but it did no good. The employés soon became used to the disappointment, -why should not the passengers? On one occasion, when the locomotive had -been wheezing along at a snail’s pace, stopping frequently to rest and -take breath, I became alarmed, and asked a brakeman what was the matter -with the engine. This was temerity on my part, for railroad men do not -approve of familiarity from passengers, and I dreaded the result as he -gazed calmly at me; but suddenly a smile broke over his countenance, and -he answered laconically, “Played out.” - -The conductor was another sort of man; when an unhappy passenger, who -had not borne his trials well, and during the summer had uttered -numerous complaints, was finding fault toward the close of the season -with some omission or commission, the conductor, whose patience had been -entirely exhausted, turned upon him with, - -“You have been casting slurs on our railroad all summer; now what do you -know about it?” - -“Why, I have been spending the season at Flushing, and have been -traveling on it.” - -“Then let me tell you, it is as well managed as other railroads, and if -you don’t like it you need not ride on it. I don’t want any passengers -who are not satisfied.” - -This was putting things on their true basis; some silly people think it -a swindle when certain times are advertised but not kept, when boats are -taken off without notice, connections are not made, and the time of -passengers is wasted; but they seem to forget that they need not go by -rail. If they do not wish to ride, they can always walk; the choice is -open to them, and Flushing is only six miles off. - - NOTE.--Since the foregoing was written all this has been changed. - The railroad has been put in charge of a newspaper editor. It now - has the finest cars, the best conductors, and makes the most - regular time of any road in the United States. My lots are not all - sold yet. - - - - -CHAPTER V. - -A WELL. - -“If ’twere well done when ’twere done, ’twere well ’twere done -quickly.” - - -Some of the incidents connected with digging our well have already been -referred to, but good water is so necessary to a country place that the -mode of obtaining it deserves a separate chapter. Well-digging is a -profession, and the most cultivated master of the art to be found in the -neighborhood had been engaged, immediately after the foundation of the -house was commenced, to dig the well. It was strange, however, how many -people at about the same time had determined to do the same thing; it -seemed as though the entire village had been seized with a mania for -sinking wells. He was exceedingly busy, and was compelled, much against -his wishes, to demand an exorbitant price for his services. He regretted -it deeply, but he would have to ask four dollars and a half a foot. As -the ordinary price was about a dollar, it was certainly honest of him to -explain beforehand the necessities of his situation; and although it -was inconvenient that the villagers should have been stricken with this -fancy at so inopportune a moment, it was certainly fortunate that the -man was so honest. He was employed at once, and strongly impressed with -the necessity of the utmost haste. - -It is probable that his other engagements engrossed much of his time. -The well did not progress rapidly; but, as it soon appeared that the -house would not be completed for occupation before the ensuing summer, -the immediate necessity for drinking-water was done away with. There is -a wonderful romance about the “old oaken bucket.” Many a time in -youthful days have I plunged my nose into its liquid contents, and -choked myself, and poured the water down my shirt-front, in frantic -endeavors to drink from its thick rim; often have I lowered the empty -vessel far into the bowels of the earth, and jumped it up and down at -the risk of dashing it to pieces against the stone sides, in order to -fill it, and then puffed over the heavy pull of bringing it, laden with -the cooling crystal, to the surface. With due reverence have I studied -the many poetical things which have been said in its honor; but the days -of oaken buckets are numbered; they have been succeeded by force-pumps, -and chain-pumps, and iron pumps, that save the muscles, but offend the -sensibilities. - -Were it not that I was subject to the dominion of several Irish maidens, -denominated servants, I should certainly have sacrificed utility to -beauty; but, under the force of a ukase from them, I was compelled to -buy a pump. Of the various patterns of these, a pretty iron one had -taken my fancy, and no sooner was the well completed than it was -purchased. Unfortunately, the entire village of Flushing was then -putting in pumps, and there was no possibility of having it set up for -two entire weeks. We had just occupied the house opposite, which had no -well, and we depended for water upon our own. - -Header, have you ever hauled up water from a well in a pail? If you have -not, you should learn to do it; it requires skill and courage. You must -balance yourself carefully on a few loose planks, and, peering down -giddily into the dark hole that yawns beneath, you must lower the pail -with a long rope for what seems an endless distance, and when it reaches -the bottom, will have to jerk it about vigorously, as it obstinately -refuses for a long time to fill; and then you must draw up carefully the -heavy weight that threatens to pull you in, instead of your pulling it -out; and manage not to let it touch the sides, as that will spill the -contents. All the while the slipping of board, or earth, or foot will -necessitate the calling together of a coroner’s jury. - -It is a pity that there is no way of falling down a well comfortably. If -you go down head foremost, your feet stick out above the water, it is -true, but you do not breathe through that portion of the body; if you -strike feet foremost, the climb back is such a long and uncertain -journey; and if you go down doubled up, you are apt to find trouble in -straightening out. Every time a maid went to the well I speculated as to -which of these modes she would follow, and feared that the case of the -broken pitcher would be illustrated. - -This state of things lasted some time, as the pump-maker found his -Flushing customers more exacting than even he expected; or possibly his -workmen had gone on more sprees than he allowed for. Three weeks had -gone by, and we were still drawing water; and, what is more, the water -which we did with such infinite pains draw up was far from good. We had -been warned that for some time after its completion the well would be -dirty; that before it was finished one or more Irishmen would have to -work waist deep in the water, which would not recover from their -presence for a long while; but, instead of improving, it became worse -and worse. At first it tasted badly, but it soon smelt unendurably. -There was a great deal of house-cleaning and washing to do, but the -women finally rebelled, and flatly refused to use the odoriferous stuff -any longer, even for such base purposes, and it had been from the first -utterly undrinkable. - -Weeville had always boasted of the purity of the water-bed that underlay -this entire tract of land, and in his comparisons had placed it a long -way ahead of the Croton. Of course he was called in. “It was useless to -tell him any thing against the water; he was not going to believe any -visionary stories originated by Irish servant-girls--he must taste it.” -This he did not do, however; the smell was enough. - -“Pheugh!” he burst forth as it approached his nose. “I will tell you -what is the matter--the well has never been cleaned out; that infernal -well-digger has taken advantage of you, and left the pieces of dirt and -rubbish that fall in--old bits of dinner, fragments of meat and cheese, -perhaps--and which must always be removed, or they will decay, and spoil -the water for a long time.” - -I immediately went after the well-digger in an intense state of wrath, -and rated him soundly for his conduct; but he not only swore by all that -was truthful that he had cleaned out the well, but called up the man -that did it. A severe cross-examination having convinced me that they -both told the truth, I returned home wondering how long it would take to -learn to like stinking, as the Mississippians have learned to like -dirty, water. I have always had a weakness for water. Whisky is the -natural American drink; lager bier is admirably suited to the Teutonic -mistiness of intellect; the frothy Champagne is adapted to the volatile -Frenchman, and the thick ale to the muddled Englishman. Brandy is -suitable for men, if we are to believe high authority. Gin, in the shape -of schnapps, was the daily potation of our respectable Dutch ancestors. -Both are irreproachable liquors, and rum deserves a better reputation; -but pure, cold, transparent spring or well water, fresh from its -bubbling fountain, or drawn from the cold recesses of its deep -receptacle, has always been very attractive to me, and for washing -purposes it has no equal. The prospect, therefore, of doing without -water was unpleasant. Cows, and horses, and pigs have not learned to -appreciate strong drinks; they prefer the native element; and to draw -for half a mile from the nearest good pump as much as a cow and a horse -can swallow would require pretty nearly the entire time of the latter. - -In the midst of our troubles, the rope broke--not the golden cord, -fortunately, of any member of the household, but the cord that was -fastened to the pail. Here was a dilemma! To fish up a bucket out of -forty feet of darkness was difficult; to use another pail till the first -was removed was impossible. I began to think it would be necessary to -dig a new well, when I was informed that a man could climb down the -present one. This seemed to me a feat worthy of Hanlon; but I was -prepared for the last extremities, even death itself--provided it was -not my own--and simply said, “Let him do it,” as though seeing men cling -to a slippery wall of stones, like a fly on a pane of glass, had been -the commonest experience of my life. How he managed I did not care to -see; but that he did go to the bottom was proved by what he brought up, -which was, not the pail, but--a dead cat! - -Cats are a singular and unreliable race; they never possess the -intelligence of dogs, and are given to strange vagaries. They roam about -continually, and wander no one knows whither; but what should take a cat -to the bottom of my well I can not understand. They are graceful -creatures, and old maids and little children think them handsome; but, -after they have been in water for three weeks, and become much puffed -up with their position, they are not handsome. Still, I was very glad to -see that cat. - -[Illustration] - -The well-water visibly improved, and the pump was finally completed. To -be sure, the maker could not spare time to put it up, but other men were -readily engaged, and one evening, on my return from the city, I found it -duly installed in its place, looking very attractive. It was a neat and -appropriate pump, and, remembering the inconveniences and dangers of -drawing water with a pail, I joyfully seized the handle and commenced to -pump. I worked away right manfully for a few moments, but did not manage -to bring up any water. When I stopped for an instant, a long sigh seemed -to express the thing’s regret that it could not accommodate me, or the -sufferings to which my exertions put it. I recommenced, and appeared to -gain for a little distance, to judge by the effort required, but at a -certain point success deserted me; the pump evidently was not equal to -the occasion. I worked away on that hot August afternoon till the -perspiration ran freely, if the water did not; and, when entirely -convinced, if not satisfied, I indulged in as little strong language as -the circumstances would admit, and sent for the pump-maker. - -His bill had not been paid, and he came at once. When informed of the -difficulty, he seized the pump-handle with amusing alacrity, but a few -strokes changed his confidence to doubt. When he paused, the same -appalling sigh that had greeted me announced a similar result, and I -smiled amid my misery to see his manner change as he recommenced. After -two or three attempts, he stopped suddenly and inquired, - -“How deep is your well?” - -He was not going to get off by any subterfuge if I could help it, so I -answered promptly, - -“Never mind that; the well is deep enough.” - -“But what is the depth? It is essential to know.” - -“Don’t worry yourself about that now; fix your pump first,” was the -ready response. - -“I can not do so till I know the depth of the well.” - -“Well, then, if you are so anxious to be informed, it is forty-five feet -deep--deep enough, in all conscience.” - -“That is the trouble, of course; the pump won’t suck.” - -“Of course it is, that is plain enough; and I expect you to give me one -that will suck.” - -“But how can I?” - -“That is your affair, not mine,” beginning to be put out at the coolness -of the fellow. “I want a pump that will suck!” - -“Why,” he replied, “don’t you know that no pump will draw at over thirty -feet?” - -Suddenly the remembrance of school-days and their instruction came back -to me; a vacuum and its properties, the weight of a column of air, and -all that, returned to my mind after a long absence. I recalled the rule -of fifteen pounds to a square inch, the power of suction--which for -many years I had only tested with a straw and a julep--and the -comparative specific gravity of water. Early education is a good thing, -and the natural sciences are almost as practical as the learned -classics. Without a remark, I left that pump-maker and his pump, and -retired to the cool privacy of my neighboring dwelling. A wooden pump -with a long rod is in my well, and it not only sucks, but lifts; the -water is very fine. - -[Illustration] - - - - -CHAPTER VI. - -A KITCHEN GARDEN. - - -To the full enjoyment of a country house, there are few things more -conducive than a large, well-filled kitchen garden. The farmers -generally, with a wrong-headedness that is incomprehensible, neglect one -of the most important sources of supply for the table; they devote -themselves to the heavy crops--the staples of agriculture--that are -scattered through the fields, and overlook the vast additional amount of -food that may be concentrated in an acre. They condemn themselves to the -everlasting routine of bread, potatoes, and salt meat, forgetting that -the labor of a few hours occasionally of themselves or their children in -the garden would furnish an agreeable, healthy, and nutritive variety of -edibles. This, being a matter of dollars and cents as well as health, -merited the closest attention from so practical a person as myself, and -was taken in hand promptly, and the account of my success carries me -back a little in matter of time. - -It was late in April when the contract was closed for the building of -the country house, and it was essential to prepare and plant the kitchen -garden immediately. My ideas on the subject were vague. I knew what I -wanted, but had not an accurate conception how those wants were to be -converted into realities. I must have a choice, yet ample supply. Fresh -asparagus is so delicate, fresh peas so tender, fresh lettuce so crisp, -cauliflower so immaculate, cabbages so rich, beets so racy, and every -other vegetable so much better when just pulled. There should be a -plenteous variety, from the humble radish up to the aristocratic -egg-plant--through all the range of carrots, turnips, celery, spinach, -and cucumbers--every thing that creeps, climbs, or stands--but, above -all, must there be a grand, deep, rich bed of asparagus, with heads as -big as your thumb. The fruits, too, should not be forgotten: -blackberries, gooseberries, raspberries, and especially strawberries; -pears, plums, and apples--dwarfs and standards; currants, grapes, and -quinces; the numberless productions of the earth that wise men eat -before breakfast or after dinner. With these numerous necessaries, it -was apparent that the planting must be done at once if it was to produce -a satisfactory result this year. - -But, before striking a spade, it was necessary to lay out the ground, -and here, although the undertaking was different from planning a house, -my natural abilities stood me in good stead. After much study, the plot -was divided into beds of about five feet width, so that the plants could -be plucked without treading on them; I laid out broad walks at right -angles to one another, like grand avenues, to be shaded by the future -pear and apple trees, and in my mind determined to cover them with pure, -white, salt-water pebbles. I left a narrow border along the outer edge -for currant and raspberry bushes, marked places for the fruit-trees -every fifteen feet, and devoted one bed to strawberries, another to -tomatoes, a third to sweet corn, and so on. I noticed that there seemed -to be about as much walk as bed, but this I had been accustomed to in -flower gardens in the city, and thought produced a pleasing effect. - -Before these dispositions were determined on, the grass had grown -considerably, the spring being early, and to get rid of it, as -“Bridgeman’s Assistant,” which, with “Ten Acres Enough,” was my constant -companion, contained no directions to meet the case, the advice of -Weeville was called for. He said the land must be plowed, harrowed, and -well dug over, and asked where the kitchen garden was to be placed. It -was with no little satisfaction that I produced my plans, anticipating -his surprise and pleasure, and laid them proudly before him. He gazed a -moment, and exclaimed, “What is all this?” Not a little amused with his -perplexity, I explained the design, and pointed out its advantages. He -kept his eyes on it in a dazed sort of way, and then blurted out, “You -have twice as much walk as you have bed.” - -“Not quite--not quite,” I responded; “but still that is quite a feature; -they will be attractive, covered with white gravel.” - -“White gravel! What is that for?” he exclaimed. “Nonsense; your walks -will be overrun with weeds, and you will have enough to do to keep them -out of your beds. I’ll fix your garden for you, now I know where you -want it.” - -Before I could protest, he rushed away, taking my plans with him, as -though they were of no value whatever, with that wretched conceit which -characterizes your practical man, not even waiting to hear a full -explanation of my views, and evidently not appreciating them. He set his -men to work next day without so much as consulting me. - -Leaving Weeville’s men hard at work with plow and harrow over the -practical portion of the undertaking, I set to work with “Bridgeman’s -Assistant,” and soon learned how to trench and make drills--which, to -my great astonishment, proved not to be holes--and became acquainted -with the uses of the various garden implements. The quality and nature -of the soil was quite a puzzle; but, as it had been ascertained by -sinking the well that the upper six feet was a stiff, clayey substance, -and beneath there was a pure stratum of sand, there could be little -doubt but it must be a loam, which is described as a mixture of clay and -sand. It was a fine, strong yellow, and my general impression was that -loam is dark; but of its depth there could be no question, as the -well-diggers went down forty-five feet before they reached water, and -encountered no rock whatever. - -There were many surprising statements in “Bridgeman’s Assistant.” It -would seem natural that seeds, especially of radishes, beets, or -carrots, should be planted at least a foot deep, so that the root might -be long; but the author insisted that they should be covered with only -two inches of earth. Unfortunately, however, as my investigations -proceeded, some pleasing illusions were dissipated; one vegetable after -another had to be given up, for the entire kingdom seemed to be governed -by the most absurd laws; and when it was ascertained that strawberries -would not bear the first season, and that asparagus might produce heads -in the course of three years, I was in despair. Weeville, however, who -confirmed these doleful discoveries, came to my rescue by inquiring in -an enthusiastic way whether I had ever eaten a Daniel O’Rourke pea. I -replied that doubtless I had, as I paid the highest price in market. - -“Oh, pshaw!” he answered, “they are never sold in market; wait till you -eat a Daniel O’Rourke pea, and then you can say you know what peas are. -There are plenty of vegetables that you will be in time to plant; the -ground is plowed and harrowed, and the Irishman is digging out the sods. -A hard time he is having of it; the grass got up too high, and he has to -break them up and shake each one out with a pitchfork. No person should -live in the country without a garden; mine is the greatest comfort I -have, and saves nearly half the expense of living.” - -So, it being clearly an economy, my investigations were pursued -diligently. A long list of the best vegetables still attainable was -selected, consisting of early Mohawk and Lima beans, blood turnip-rooted -beets, long orange carrots, long green cucumbers, sweet corn, large -green-head lettuce, silver-skinned onions, Dutch parsnips, and Daniel -O’Rourke peas, and purchased at the seed-store for the moderate sum of -four dollars and fifty cents, according to the particular entry made in -my memorandum-book at the time. The necessary tools, such as -wheel-barrows, spades, hoes, drills, cultivators, etc., were added, but -the charge for these seems to have been omitted; and when Weeville -reported that the first planting--two rows of Daniel O’Rourke peas--had -been completed, I invited a couple of friends to ride over on horseback -to see my country place, for I was still living in the city. The house -was then in its foundation state, but the garden would be well worth a -visit. - -It is a beautiful ride to Flushing. An intelligent man, named Jackson, -has built an excellent turnpike--almost the only one in our -country--and, with justifiable pride, has called it after himself. The -scenery is diversified with hill and dale, with fertile fields and dense -woods, and, before reaching the village, the highway skirts the bay, and -presents a clear view for some distance up the Sound. We clattered along -past the bridge and through the village out to the five-acre plot. There -it lay, bare and charming, without a fence, almost without a tree; the -house scattered in every direction; the foundation going up and the well -going down; heaps of sand collected here and there, and a platform for -mixing mortar directly where the flowers ought to be; but where the -garden? We rode in every direction, and at last made out that a little -bare spot which we had been over, forward and back, several times, and -which was about twelve feet long by three wide, must be it. We did not -dismount, but, consoling ourselves with the idea that the earth had been -well stirred with our horses’ hoofs--for stirring the earth is essential -to a productive condition, as Bridgeman says--we returned to the city. - -Next day Weeville went to oversee the Irishman, who was hard at work -struggling to subdue the sods on another twelve feet by three, and was -surprised to find many of the peas out of the ground. He took a hoe and -replanted them, treading them down so as to keep them under for the -future; and, having done this with a dozen or more, turned to Patrick, -and told him that he must be more careful hereafter, and must cover the -peas well with earth. - -“Sure and I am sorely puzzled, sir,” replied Patrick; “I have been all -the morning poking the pays back under the earth. I’ve been thinking -there must have been somebody over it, for they were all out of the -ground intirely.” - -Considering that three horses had been trampling back and forth over the -bed the night before, Patrick was about right. But he had other -difficulties to contend with more formidable than horses’ hoofs. The -sod was strong, not having been disturbed for years, and it was many -days before there was any thing resembling regular beds. In time, -however, the peas appeared above ground; egg-plants were transplanted; -beans crept up, and demanded poles to climb on; queer-looking, weedy -affairs, that Weeville designated cauliflowers or tomatoes, as he -pleased, made themselves conspicuous, and the success of the undertaking -seemed assured--when one morning Pat rushed up to Weeville’s place, and, -with staring eyes, announced that the cows had grazed off all the peas. - -Any animal that entered that plot of ground appeared instinctively to -know where the garden was, although better-endowed creatures might have -trouble to find it, and either wanted to rest or pasture there, or at -least to run over it. But when they proceeded to graze on the peas, it -became serious, and upon Pat’s announcing, the following week, that they -had been at it again, Weeville called upon me to say that there must be -a fence round the lot, or he would not answer for the garden. Pat was -set to work at once building fence. - -Since the days of the Tower of Babel, when the world was divided up into -tribes, the nations have been distinguished by peculiar aptitudes. The -English nation has a gift for building pirate ships, the French for -fashioning new dresses, the Chinese for growing pig-tails and cutting -off heads, the Russians for eating candles, the Turks for stealing -wives, the Americans for doing a little of every thing, and the Irish -for digging holes. Pat never could learn to use a saw or an axe, or even -to drive a nail without splitting the wood, but he could dig against the -world. He proceeded at once to make the holes for the posts of the -fence. - -While he was thus occupied, however, the garden was neglected, and as he -could not by any possibility keep the holes in a line, and consequently -wasted much time, the weeds grew apace. It requires a great many boards -to reach round five acres, and the holes for the posts had to be very -numerous. The cows, having discovered the superior qualities of Daniel -O’Rourke peas, paid them regular visits, and kept them well cropped, so -that the garden fared badly. Pat dug so many holes, in consequence of -making them either out of line or at an improper distance, that he might -almost be said to have trenched the lot; and by the time he was through, -and before the posts were all up, or the fence more than half finished, -it was time to cut the grass. - -This was a season of scarcity of labor. The high prices had satisfied -the working-men that their time was too valuable to waste on every -menial kind of drudgery, and they were particular, not only in selecting -their masters, but their employment; so that Pat had to be the main -reliance, with the occasional aid of a half-grown boy, to take hold of -all the “odd jobs” required by a country place. He not only planted the -garden, and built the fence, and helped in the house, and dug in the -well, but he must mow the grass and milk the cow. In fact, if there was -any thing that nobody else could or would do, Pat was called upon. - -The grass was very fine. A handsome flower, with rich yellow centre, -surrounded by a single white row of radiating petals, called a -daisy--the lovely flower celebrated so frequently in English poetry, and -the apt simile for all that is virtuous and innocent--had grown to great -luxuriance, proving the uncommon richness of the soil. Its stalk was a -foot long, and the pretty floweret topped the grass, and by its vast -numbers lent a uniform tone of color to the entire lot. There seemed to -be almost as much daisy as there was grass, which was what the natives -called “switch grass,” and they were both knee-high. This crop was -especially thick and heavy on the upper portion of the plot, as the -carts and wagons had been in the habit, entirely regardless of the -enormous damages they occasioned, of driving over the lower end, and the -cattle of the neighborhood had grazed it pretty thoroughly. There was, -consequently, only about an acre and a half left to mow, and Pat, with -the aid of the boy, had that done in a day or two. - -In my youthful days, often “of a summer day” I had “raked the meadow, -sweet with hay,” and consequently had learned the importance of sun in -hay-making. Unfortunately, no sooner was the hay cut and scattered about -than there came on the heaviest rain of the season; it was a veritable -northeaster, and lasted four or five days. The barn, which was expected -to hold the crop, existed as yet only in anticipation; and when the hay -did finally dry, it had to be collected in a pile, which Weeville called -a stack, and left to the mercy of the elements. However, the labor cost -only about seven dollars, and I was offered seventeen dollars for the -stack, so that there was a clear profit of ten dollars. This was so -encouraging that I felt almost inclined to lay down the entire five -acres in grass, until I remembered that if an acre and a half produced -ten dollars, five acres would only yield about thirty-five -dollars--hardly sufficient interest on property valued at ten thousand -dollars. - -When the hay was stacked, and one board nailed on the fence so that the -cattle could no longer wander wheresoever they listed, a careful -examination of the garden gave the following result: Weeds profuse and -luxuriant; vegetables scarce and sickly; peas about six inches high, -well cropped, without flowers or pods; tomato-plants small, and well -shaded by the surrounding weeds; egg-plants entirely invisible, having -probably gone back into the egg in disgust; bean-poles tall and -vigorous, beans about one foot high, being nearly up with the -neighboring grass, and apparently unable to climb any higher. The other -garden-truck was not to be found, and it required great discernment to -distinguish the garden from the residue of the five acres. Weeville said -it was no matter, after all, as he could supply me with whatever I -wanted from his garden, and that it was always cheaper to buy vegetables -than to raise them! - -My glorious anticipations had dwindled; asparagus, cabbages, beets, -strawberries, raspberries, pears, and plums had been given up; and now -the hope of peas, beans, tomatoes, lettuce, and egg-plants was to be -destroyed. That garden on which I counted so greatly--which was to have -furnished not merely cheap food for my family, but subject for -exultation over city friends--had proved a failure. Daniel O’Rourke peas -were not to be; crisp lettuce could not be dressed in that style of art -upon which I pride myself, and handed exultingly round to friends after -the woodcock and claret, as so much superior to the stale, insipid stuff -purchased in the markets. Egg-plants, richest of vegetables, were not to -be pressed upon the surfeited guest as coming from my garden. Beans had -proved a delusion, and tomato-vines a snare. All my study of -horticultural works was to be thrown away. - -It is true, we had raised an egg-plant, but it was small--so small that -we thought of sending it to the agricultural fair as a rare production: -it measured one inch and a half in circumference. We also raised one -tomato, but a careless wretch trod on it, and crushed it and our hopes -together. There was a fine lot of wild radish, which my friends -pronounced to be weeds, although I had hopes for a time that a few of -them would become tame. I was disappointed, however: they covered the -new beds, as fast as these were cleared and dug, with a luxuriant -clothing of bright green, and their leaves were pretty and graceful, but -their roots never would come to any thing worth mentioning. It is deeply -to be regretted that Nature has so constituted plants and weeds -respectively, that the former won’t grow and the latter will. I did not -eat a Daniel O’Rourke pea after all. - - - - -CHAPTER VII. - -THE FLOWER GARDEN. - - -The results of the effort to produce a kitchen garden out of the raw -material of virgin sod was discussed in the last chapter. When it was -well under way, and after Weeville had, in his authoritative manner, -taken it off my hands, I turned my attention to the flower garden. Of -this I determined to take entire charge. I had not studied Bridgeman for -weeks, nor peered into seedsmen’s windows, and examined the -peculiarities of all the plants that fell in my way, for nothing. -Weeville might superintend the coarse vegetables if he pleased, but the -delicate and elegant parterre of flowers that already existed in my -mind’s eye was to be my credit and responsibility alone. - -It was some time before I could induce the masons to remove the platform -for mortar that they had, with instinctive stupidity, placed in the -centre of what was to be my principal bed; but I got them off at last, -although they grumbled somewhat at being compelled to carry their loads -a considerably longer distance. I had already marked out the general -plan on paper with that skill which has been occasionally referred to; -the main idea was taken from a Chinese puzzle, and had no equal in the -most complicated productions of the ablest masters of landscape -gardening, ancient or modern. - -It is well known that, according to the highest standard of the art, the -great point in laying out a garden is to avoid the monotony of tame -regularity; and in that line little more could be done. There were beds -shaped like stars and ellipses, worms and circles, triangles and -octagons; some were round on one side and flat on the other; some had -big heads and little tails, and others diminished to nothing at each -end; there were sinuosities and projections, sharp points and easy -curves, imitation bays and promontories; large beds suddenly contracted, -narrow ones expanded; what promised to be a long stretch was broken off -unexpectedly, and there certainly was no danger of monotony. Amid these -wound the paths in the most admired irregularity, never leading where -one would naturally expect, and giving the mind a vivid impression of -the labyrinth. - -The arrangement of the beds on paper was not difficult, but to trace -them on the natural sod was another matter. This could not be intrusted -to a common workman; one, to whom the plan was shown, insisted upon -mistaking the walks for beds, and even proposed some alterations, which -he called improvements. Somehow, I never was very good at the practical -part of a design. Moreover, the weather had been dry, for this point had -been reached toward the close of one of the rainless terms that -alternated with the floods of this particular season. The ground was -hard, the sun was hot, and my experience with a shovel--spade my man -called it--had been limited; but the difficulty had to be overcome, -regardless of previous habits, and, grasping the shovel bravely, I set -to work at once. - -The centre bed was a circle, and, by driving a stake in the ground, and -attaching to it a string, there was no difficulty in making a faint -impression of the outline on the grass. This outline I deepened into a -shallow furrow with my spade, although my arms and back ached, and my -clothes were damp with perspiration before I had finished. The next -figure, which was a star, was not so easy; and when it came to the -worms, and the bays, and promontories, there bid fair to be far too -little monotony. In fact, the figures would not take the shapes they -assumed on paper, and the more they were worked at the worse they grew. -If they were narrowed, they became immediately too long; if they were -lengthened, they had to be widened; if one part was taken off, another -portion immediately bulged out; bays were either too deep or too -shallow, promontories either stretched entirely across the adjoining -walk or disappeared utterly. The walks were continually being squeezed -into a strait that would not by any possibility admit the passage of -modern crinoline, or spread out into a sort of desert waste. The truth -is, such vulgar trivialities as are implied in practical performance are -not suited to the intellectual mind. After working the plan several -weeks, nearly killing myself, and sadly confusing the man I had hired -for this express matter, I concluded to let him finish it alone. It is a -matter of pride, however, that, in spite of some sad blunders through -his ignorance, it still bears palpable traces of the original design, -and entirely avoids the fatal fault of monotony. - -While the man was completing the physical part, there was an excellent -opportunity to select the best flowers that were to be procured. The -study of botany is not a branch of the legal profession, nor even -included in the limits of a classical education; but, fortunately, -there is no necessity for knowing scientifically why the rose is red and -the lily white provided one has the innate appreciation to enjoy the -beauty of each. Perhaps it is desirable to be able to distinguish the -plants when not in flower, but that is not absolutely necessary provided -“Bridgeman” is always at hand. - -The amount of information in this work is as inexhaustible as it is -surprising. Under the author’s manipulation, plants assume a fresh -nature and exhibit new attractions; the most vulgar flower comes back -decked in an aristocratic dress, and endowed with a name that is -absolutely imposing. The common hollyhock--that vulgar, base, staring, -and offensive flower--is suddenly converted into the delicate and -refined althea; the larkspur becomes a delphinium; the old-fashioned -Johnny-jump-up, a viola grandiflora; the commonplace poppy, a papaver; -and the gaudy sunflower is transformed into the magnificent helianthus. -The human mind is hardly prepared to accept gomphrenas for batchelors’ -buttons, and revolts from the association of the suggestive mirabilis -with the commonplace four o’clocks. The kingdom of flowers, as it is -usually called, becomes a model republic; the low and ignorant are -elevated; the humble dweller in the hedge-row is raised to a place -beside the tender production of the green-house; and the refined habitué -of the ballroom is found to be twin sister to the wild inhabitant of the -open field or native forest. - -After some thought and careful consultation with the price-lists of all -the seed-stores in the city, lest the utmost advantage should not be -taken of the market, a list including the following principal varieties -was selected: roses, pinks, carnations, lilies, fleur-de-lys, jasmines, -peonies, verbenas, daisies, fuchsias, heliotropes, tulips, dahlias, -crocuses, tube-roses, forget-me-nots, jonquils, wall-flowers, -gillyflowers, mignonnette, fox-gloves, and china-asters. There were many -others, but this selection is sufficient to show that the garden was to -be well stocked. It is to be regretted that midsummer is not the most -appropriate time to plant flowers, and that many of them require to be -set out in earliest spring, or even the year before they are expected to -blossom. Drought is especially unfavorable to the sowing of seeds or -transplanting of roots, and the drought that had already begun to -distinguish this midsummer positively forbade immediate action. - -It is my impression that in early youth I remember reading of an ancient -Roman who, having lost a valuable ring overboard at sea, subsequently -caught the fish that had swallowed the ring. On recovering his -property, he raised his eyes toward heaven, wondering what terrible -calamity the gods had in store for him to equalize such good fortune. If -there is no such story there ought to be, for nature is certainly made -up of compensations. If a woman is rich she is rarely handsome; if a man -is handsome he is not apt to be wise; if we are extremely fortunate we -may expect a reverse; one misfortune wards off another; if we lose a leg -in battle we are likely to save our head; the old motto says, “Lucky in -love, unlucky in play;” and if it rains in spring, it is apt to be dry -weather in summer. It had rained all through the spring as though the -flood-gates of heaven never were to be closed, but when they were -finally shut down they fitted so well that scarcely a drop trickled -through the cracks. May was a deluge; July was a drought. All -authorities coincide in holding that seeds must be planted before or -immediately after a rain, but they give no directions how to produce a -rain if it does not come naturally. It was in vain that I waited for -even a shower--in vain that I scanned the sky at sunrise or sunset, -watched the wind, or consulted the weather-wise. Clouds ceased to be the -harbingers of rain; a threatening sunset only insured a cloudless -morrow; an easterly wind was positive evidence of clear weather, and -the sky was as blue as my feelings. - -The time for planting one species after another of seed or root passed -by. July came and went, August arrived and was slipping by, the list of -seeds was fearfully reduced, when at last clouds covered the sky and -rain began to fall. It is unnecessary to say that all such seeds as -might by any possibility germinate so late in the season were, in spite -of the pattering drops, planted ere the storm had fairly begun. -Bridgeman’s instructions had been learned by heart, and each kind was -set out in a circle, while a stick with the empty bag, marked with the -name, was stuck up in the centre. The trough in which they were planted -was dug about two inches deep, and filled with manure, to insure -vigorous growth. Two inches is deeper than was authorized, but it seemed -desirable that the plants should take a deep root. Hardly were the seeds -planted ere the rain stopped, the clouds broke, and the sun came out -hotter than ever. For three weeks that sun never ceased to blaze except -when it went to bed--for three weeks not another cloud appeared or drop -of rain fell. - -Tending a garden is a pleasant occupation, but when the only thing to be -done is to water, every morning and evening, a spot of bare earth where -seeds are supposed to be, it is monotonous. Some puppies that were kept -by a neighbor, and which were forever trampling over my premises, chewed -up and pulled out the sticks, and the location of the future plants -became somewhat indefinite; and when Weeville asked me one day how my -garden was getting on, I answered evasively, - -“Finely, so far as I can see.” - -My conscience permitted me to presume all was going on right -underground, although nothing had yet come to the surface. Not -satisfied, however, he wanted to know exactly how I had set out the -seeds; and when he was told they were planted two inches deep in a rich -bed of manure, he burst forth, - -“Why, you must have burnt them all up; plants want earth as much as -manure. And if you buried them two inches deep, you dug their grave; not -one will ever come up.” - -This coarse confidence on Weeville’s part was not pleasant. I knew -plants--thistles especially--would grow in manure, for my beds were full -of them, and they appeared to do best when covered over and surrounded -with the strongest lumps; but my mind had troubled me a little about the -depth at which the seeds were planted; so, when he was gone, I took the -first good opportunity to rake off about two inches of the earth. - -It rained at last; vegetation started in every direction except where I -supposed my seeds were; weeds spread over the beds, came up in the -walks, and exhibited great luxuriance. I watched my garden anxiously, -visiting it early and late; dreadful were my doubts and fears; but at -last a circle of beautiful delicate green began to show itself, not -exactly in the place I expected, but not far off. My delight was -unbounded. I watched that circle like a mother would watch a sick child. -I hung over it and tended it with most assiduous care. If the sun shone -two days in succession, I watered it; if it rained too hard, I sheltered -it. My triumph over Weeville was to be complete; it is true that only -one out of the numerous varieties that were planted had appeared, but it -would not be necessary to refer to the others. - -That green circle grew slowly. The tiny leaves, in spite of the great -care bestowed upon them, seemed to be feeble; their thin, pale stalks -were hardly able to support their weight; the slightest rain threatened -to wash them away, and a few hours of sunlight to scorch them up. I -nursed them carefully through their infantile diseases; and when they -were fairly past danger and presented a circle of unbroken green, I -invited Weeville out to inspect my garden. - -“Bare enough,” he said sarcastically, as he passed down the main path; -“plenty of walks and weeds, but no flowers this year.” - -“Wait till you see,” was my triumphant answer. - -“I can see pretty well now,” he replied; “there is certainly nothing to -obstruct the view. I have a fine prospect of muddy walks and -absurdly-shaped beds. You will learn to be practical before you are -through. Another year or two will take the city nonsense out of you, and -teach you some valuable lessons.” - -He was going on with his egotistical homilies, when I stopped him in -front of my infant plants. - -“Look at that!” I said, exultingly, grasping his arm and facing him -toward the bed. - -“Look at what?” he repeated, staring stupidly about. - -“At those plants. Are they not promising? I intend to separate and -transplant them: there will be abundance to stock half my garden. Rather -better than raising egg-plants, eh? We city boys know a few things, -after all. What do you think of those little beauties?” - -“What on earth--or, more properly speaking, in the earth--are you -talking about? I don’t see any plants, or beauties either.” - -“Not see any plants!” I replied, laughing at his ignorance. “Perhaps you -can not tell plants when you do see them: you must study Bridgeman. -These, sir, are the beautiful columbine _aquilegia formosa_, the most -lovely ornaments of the refined and elegant parterre.” - -I did not know what they were, as the stick was gone; but this was the -only name I could recall at the moment. - -“May I ask,” he replied, solemnly, “whether you are joking or crazy? If -the former, it is too damp here to make it worth while to continue the -entertainment; if the latter, the lunatic asylum is close by. What is it -you are talking about?” - -“Why, those _aquilegia formosas_, that beautiful circlet of exquisite -green that I planted a month ago, and which assiduous care has finally -brought to its present vigorous condition,” I rejoined, smiling proudly, -although my mind somewhat misgave me as to the vigorous health; “that -fertile hot-bed of fragrant beauty, that will furnish the groundwork, -with skillful increase, for my entire garden.” - -“What!” he demanded, in a surprised tone; “is that what you are talking -of?” - -“Yes,” I replied, a little confused, but confident still. - -“That your beautiful circlet of exquisite green which is to fecundate -your entire garden!” At this point he commenced laughing, and, between -shouts of merriment and the half-intelligible repetition of “exquisite -green,” it was ten minutes before he became comprehensible. “Why, that -circlet of exquisite green--” here he burst out again till he nearly -choked--“exquisite green is nothing but a lot of wild carrots, that you -have watered till you have washed all the life out of them.” - -Alas! this turned out to be true. What became of my seeds I never -discovered; whether they were drowned out, or burnt up, or raked away, -is hard to tell; certain it is that they have not come up to the present -time. But the greatest mystery is, why should wild carrots grow in a -circle merely to arouse hopes that were to be blasted? - - - - -CHAPTER VIII. - -POULTRY. - - -I have a respect for chickens. The hens have the finest qualities of the -most exemplary mothers; the cocks possess many of the characteristics, -in courage and devotion to “the sex,” of the cavaliers of olden time. -Behold the anxious matron ruffling her feathers and expanding her wings -in threatening defiance of the approaching stranger, or gathering the -little ones under her breast, and exposing her own person to the -swooping hawk. Observe the fierce-eyed rooster guarding his mates with -zealous care, ever ready to meet in deadly conflict the rival or -intruder, but invariably calling his wives to accept any unusual luxury -of fat grub or dainty bug. To be sure, they rise early, which the -uncultivated regard as a virtue, and make much noise when they wake, -crowing at most unseasonable hours; but as for the absurd charges that -the prejudiced author of “Ten Acres Enough” brings against them in -wholesale condemnation, these are not worth answering. - -What if they do scratch in the garden, it was clear that they could not -damage mine; and do they not also catch the early worm that destroys the -crop? Besides, chickens are good gastronomically, and eggs undeniable. -They pick up most of their own food, and consequently are economical, -and this, with so careful a calculator as myself, was sufficient. Their -increase is vast, and the profit upon them immense. If every hen should -only raise five broods yearly of ten each, and there were ten hens to -start with, at the end of two years they would number three hundred and -forty-four thousand seven hundred and sixty, after the superfluous -roosters were sold; and then, supposing the extra eggs to have paid for -their keeping, and the produce to be worth only a dollar and a half a -pair, there would be a clear profit of $258,520. Allowing for occasional -deaths, this sum might be stated in round numbers at a quarter of a -million, which would be a liberal increase from ten hens. Of course, I -did not expect to do so well as this, but merely mention what might be -done with good luck and forcing. - -Chickens had become very scarce about the time I wanted to purchase. -Whether hens had given up laying eggs or raising young was not clear, -but every old woman in the neighborhood to whom application was made -informed me that chickens were scarce and high, and that she only let me -have them as a special favor. Moreover, the breed of chickens kept at -Flushing is rare and valuable; they were either Shanghais, or Dorkings, -or Black Spanish, or something else extremely precious and desirable, -and none of them were worth less than five dollars a pair. They were -young and small, not yet exhibiting these remarkable attractions; but, -as one old woman observed when I suggested this circumstance, “Sure you -wouldn’t expect a little chicken to be a full-grown hen the moment it -comes out of the shell.” This was so clearly reasonable that I made no -farther objection, but purchased twenty pair of the best to be had. A -coop was built, and the chickens turned in, Patrick remarking, in the -process, - -“Indade, they were the smallest lot that iver he saw.” - -I explained that they would grow; but he shook his head, and seemed to -doubt it, and immediately proceeded to fill the smallest crevices in the -coop, lest they should creep through. - -Patrick fed and I watched these chickens faithfully. They were rather -unhappy-looking things at the start, and as their principal amusement -seemed to be plucking one another’s feathers out at meal-time, their -appearance did not improve. In a few days I observed that they had a -strange way of opening their mouths, as though they were sleepy; but, as -they went to bed at early candlelight, and slept, with little -intermission, except for the occasional recreation of pushing each other -off the perches, till sunrise, it seemed hardly possible, in spite of -their early rising, that they suffered for loss of sleep. If they did -happen to need more rest, no ready way suggested itself of supplying the -deficiency--unless they attended to it themselves, which there was -nothing to prevent--as I was not acquainted with an appropriate lullaby. -So they were left to their own devices. Their yawning became -infectious--as with human beings, when one gapes his companions will -follow suit--until at last one, that seemed to desire to outdo the -others or make up permanently for her lost time, “slept the sleep that -knows no waking.” This was bringing matters to a serious issue; and when -two more were found on a subsequent morning stark and stiff, Weeville -was sent for in all haste. He arrived in a short time with his usual -cheery manner, and inquired “What was the matter now?” as though nothing -ever went wrong with him, and as though he could put right every thing -that went wrong with others. He was shown to the coop, where -thirty-seven chickens were busily engaged opening their mouths every few -seconds, as though they had taken into their throats a very large-sized -grain of corn, and were unable to swallow it. It was an appalling sight. -There was an earnestness and solemnity about their actions that removed -all ludicrousness, and, with a painful feeling of despair, I asked what -could be the matter with them. - -“Why, they’ve got the gaps,” Weeville answered at once. - -If there is any thing unpleasant, it is to have a friend, whose advice -you have asked on a serious matter--a matter in which your feelings are -interested, if not otherwise very important--take advantage of the -opportunity to indulge his wit. A joke is never a joke when uttered at -the expense of a friend, or of the creatures, human or animal, for which -that friend has an affection. The only way to punish such ill-timed -pleasantry is to appear not to have felt it, and I responded carelessly, -although internally indignant, - -“You might better say they had the yawns. But, seriously, what is the -matter with them?” - -“I say they have the gaps; a whole black pepper--” - -“Never mind carrying the joke any farther,” I replied, firmly. “You may -think it witty to say my chickens have the gaps, and I would laugh if -possible; but, as three of them have died, it is no laughing matter. If -you have nothing more useful to suggest, we will return to the house.” - -“I say they have the gaps; don’t you know what that is? It is a regular -disease, coming often from dampness, neglect, or inherent weakness--some -people imagine there is a worm in the chicken’s throat--and is cured by -a change of diet, free exercise, and forcing whole black peppers down -their throats. Let your chickens out of this miserable little hole where -you have been suffocating them, and give them a change of diet, -especially some worms or meat, and compel the worst to swallow a whole -pepper every day or two. You may save a good many of them yet.” - -This was an exceedingly suggestive speech. My coop, which was some four -feet square, was called a “hole;” my care and attention were termed -“neglect;” and it was considered possible that I might save a “good -many” of my pets. So I laughed at the idea, ridiculed his remedy, and -told him there was danger that his “whole peppers” would keep them -awake, and make them more “gapy” than ever; but the moment he was gone, -Patrick and I caught every chicken, and, in spite of struggles and -cries, forced two whole peppers--for two were certainly better than -one--down the throat of each, and turned them out of the coop. - -They did not seem to be much improved by the operation, and went -“gaping” round the premises in a miserable way, leaving one of their -number dead here and another there, till they happened to attract the -attention of my neighbor’s pups. I have referred to these pups before. -They were playful creatures; if there was any horrible and disgusting -injury that they could, in a frolicsome mood, inflict upon me, they -never missed the chance. They tore up the sticks that I set to mark my -flowers; they scratched and dug in my strawberry bed, which I had -succeeded in planting before the summer was over; they dragged in every -direction my clothes that were laid out to bleach; they tormented my -favorite cat; they appeared to think of nothing but plan deviltry -against me, and do nothing but execute it. When the more flagrant of -these wrongs had from time to time been inflicted, my neighbor called to -apologize blandly and express his regrets, but never once proposed to -kill the dreadful brutes. - -The moment these pups saw my chickens they started after them. The -fluttering, squawking, and barking attracted my attention, and I gave -chase to the pups. Away we went, chickens screeching with fear, the pups -yelping with delight, and I storming with rage: “Come here! get out! go -home! how dare you?” - -If there had been one pup, I might have stood a chance; but, “being in -doubt where to begin,” I “both neglected.” Each pounced on a chicken--of -course, the largest and healthiest--and squeezed the breath out of them -in a moment, and did not even give me the sweet satisfaction of revenge; -but, having effected their object, and seeing me approach, stick in -hand, bent on exemplary punishment, they each dropped their prey, and, -darting through the neighboring fence, secured their retreat, or, as -army men have it, “saved their bacon.” This little amusement was renewed -daily, and Patrick was continually on guard against a sortie of the -enemy. But we became more skillful with practice, and a few -well-directed blows and successful shots sent the enemy howling to the -rear, and demoralized him greatly. Our chickens, however, had somewhat -diminished in number; there were the killed, wounded, and missing, -leaving quite a moderate residue. Moreover, there was a gentleman of -Irish extraction living close by, who had kept chickens before I had; -but it seemed to me that his flock increased as mine diminished, and I -even thought that I recognized some of my “lost ones.” It may be that -they went there for safety, although, if any questions were asked, he -could always explain how he came by that particular bird, and give its -entire history, and the man’s name that he bought it from. - -When the pups were repressed and the gaps cured, and my remaining -chickens--which were reduced to ten--were persuaded to stay at home, and -when they had become large enough to give promise of future usefulness -and eggs, Patrick was directed to prepare boxes for them to lay in. He -filled these half full of soft hay, and deposited a white glass -nest-egg, which cost twenty-five cents apiece, in each, and fastened -them up in the most enticing locations. But the chickens did not seem to -fancy the nests; in fact, they did not appear to turn their minds to -laying at all, but were contented to “eat, drink, and be merry,” without -regard to their philoprogenitive duties. Patrick suggested that a little -“mate” might bring them up to the required point, and, when that failed, -said something about lime being required to make the shells; but I did -not see the necessity for shells till we had the “filling” ready. - -Certainly every inducement was offered those chickens to lay; they had -abundant “feeds” of meal, and oats, and wheat, with “mate” twice a day, -like an Irish servant-girl; they had the grazing of the entire “five -acres,” and most attractive boxes, but they did not seem to improve -their opportunities. I had concluded that they were such a rare breed -that they could not afford to overstock the market, and no longer -wondered at their monstrous price, when Patrick rushed in to announce -that the big Dominick--by which name he insisted upon calling a bird -that had been sold to me as a Black Spanish of the most valuable -kind--had a nest full of eggs. - -“Sure and I jist found her out, the cunning baste; she stole her nest on -me, and has it full of the purtiest eggs yez iver saw.” - -“Well, Patrick, that is a good sign; you must look round and find some -more; they are all doubtless laying. Now go and bring me the eggs that -you have found.” - -“Bring in the eggs, is it?” - -“Certainly; it is too late in the year for setting.” - -“Sure, and how am I to do that?” - -“Why, go and take them; you’re not afraid of a hen?” - -“But how am I to get there?” - -“Walk, of course; what do you mean by talking to me in that way?” - -“I don’t mane any thing at all, at all, but I can’t get the eggs unless -your honor pulls down the barn. The old spalpeen has settled herself -right under the middle of the flure, and meself spied her out through -the cracks.” - -Sure enough, there she was. Utterly regardless of all the attractive -boxes and imitation eggs, she had crawled away where only a rat could -follow, and where a rat would, in the end, be sure to follow her, and -had made her nest under the centre timber of the barn floor. There were -two ways of reaching her--either by digging a tunnel such as our -prisoners made at Libby, or by taking up the planks. As both of these -modes would have cost somewhat more than the eggs were worth, even -supposing she was a Black Spanish and not a Dominick--about which, I -confess, I occasionally had some doubts--we never enjoyed more than a -dim view through the dirty cracks of our “hidden treasures.” - -This, however, was rather encouraging; another hen might conclude to -lay, and might select a more eligible situation. It was a difficult -matter to get under the barn, and the next one might not be willing to -take the trouble, even for the satisfaction of putting her master at -defiance. But alas! the very next day Patrick waked me at daylight to -announce that the fowls were “all dead entirely.” - -After a vain attempt to understand him, I hurried on my clothes, and, -rushing to the coop where they were accustomed to roost, found it empty, -and their murdered corpses scattered about in every direction. The small -wounds, the unruffled feathers, the universal massacre, showed that a -mink had done the deed. My chickens, my rare and valuable chickens, that -were to have laid so many eggs and raised such countless posterity; the -roosters, that were to have been fathers of a long line of famous -descendants; the hens, that were to have been models of matronly -propriety and parental self-sacrifice; my pets, that I had raised -through so many dangers, that I had saved from one neighbor’s flock and -another neighbor’s pups; my profits, that were to have put the author of -“Ten Acres Enough” to silence, were cut off forever. Golden visions of -eggs were destroyed; anticipations of tender spring broilers were -disappointed; my quarter of a million of prospective profits--all were -annihilated together by a mink. - -We killed that mink. Like Oliver Twist, he returned for more, and met -his fate. I had him stuffed, for one mink-skin is certainly a curious -result from an investment of twenty pairs of chickens. - - - - -CHAPTER IX. - -FALL WORK. - - -The summer was pretty well over, and the various duties which accompany -it accomplished after the manner already described; but there remained -much to be performed as the cool weather approached. Not only is there -the regular planting season in the spring, but Nature and Bridgeman -permit some plants to be set out and seeds to be sown in the fall. -September is the month for starting a strawberry-bed, and as my firm -resolve was to have a grand plot of this best of small fruits, and as my -first summer’s success encouraged me to continue a country residence, -Patrick was dispatched to the nearest nursery to engage two thousand -plants, to be delivered on the breaking out of the first shower. - -Here was the chance for me to make my fortune. The author of “Ten Acres -Enough” lays it down as a maxim always to buy some new and hitherto -unknown variety, that will bear the largest fruit in the greatest -profusion, and insure not only a return for the fruit, but a good income -by the sale of offshoots. So Patrick was directed to inform the -nurseryman that I wanted a new kind, just discovered and superior to all -that had preceded it. This request, though natural enough to any man who -had studied the work referred to, must have seemed strange to the -nurseryman, who was probably not literary, and who came back with -Patrick to see about it. - -He said he had several new varieties, but he was not entirely satisfied -that they were better than the common ones. There was one, however, that -promised well, called the Bonheur Seedling; but it had not been tested -thoroughly. By-the-by, what excellent scholars all market gardeners are. -Their ordinary language is Greek and Latin, and their nearest approach -to that of common mortals, French. They overwhelm you with -incomprehensible terms that early reminiscences assure you must be from -one of the dead languages, and call every-day fruits _Duchesse -d’Angoulême_, _Louise Bonne de Jersey_, _Belle Lucrative_, _Triomphe de -Gand_, and so forth. I was not surprised, therefore, at hearing the new -strawberry called “Bonheur Seedling,” and rather took to the name as an -omen of good luck. Without more ado, I ordered two thousand of the -“Bonheur Seedling,” while visions of enormous fruit and invaluable -offshoots floated before my mind. The man, anxious, no doubt, to keep -the market to himself, suggested that perhaps I had better divide the -order and take some of the ordinary kinds; but his object was too -palpable to lead me from my purpose. If the Bonheur Seedlings were good -for him to keep, they were better for me to plant, and so the order was -not changed. - -The drought of the summer continued, and, having parched the ground till -it was as dry as an Irishman’s throat the morning after election day, -gave no signs of abating. September came in with a beautiful clear sky, -remained with a beautiful clear sky, and went out with a beautiful clear -sky. September is one of the finest months in the year, especially when -the cloudless heavens permit the sun to send his warm beams to temper -the cool breezes that begin to prevail, and, if a person has not a -strawberry bed on his mind, no weather can be more enjoyable; but when -agricultural purposes demand rain, even a cloudless September becomes -tiresome. Patrick waited in daily expectation. He had managed to dig up -the ground by the liberal use of a pickaxe and crowbar; but the sunshiny -days were a trial to him. - -“Shure I’m thinkin it’s never going to rain agin,” he said in despair, -and the nurseryman was of the same opinion, for his patience gave out, -and, without waiting for the actual falling of the precious drops, he -took advantage of the first dark day, which did not arrive till the -beginning of October, and sent the two thousand plants. Under these -circumstances, and as Bridgeman says the beds may be made in October, if -not finished before, there was nothing to be done but to soak the roots, -thus trying to make them believe it was raining, as Patrick explained -it, and set them out. - -A strawberry is a thrifty plant; the only inconsiderateness it is guilty -of is to fill its delicious pulpy fruit with nasty little crackling -seeds; but give it the least chance, and it will grow. Ours were -assiduously watered, and although, disgusted with the weather, some -wilted away, others managed to “weather it,” as our sailors say, and put -forth a few feeble leaves in testimony of existence. By the end of -October there were gaps in their regular ranks, but still the ranks were -discernible, and the bed was an accomplished fact. I was not a little -proud of this success. It is only necessary, in these cases, to take the -thing in hand one’s self, and I had kept the watering-pot in hand -steadily. - -[Illustration] - -Success in any undertaking in this life is a pleasant thing. The mere -accomplishment of what we are aiming at, regardless of its importance, -is a satisfaction, and a satisfaction that, so far in my country -experience, I had not frequently enjoyed. There, however, was the bed: -it was green with thriving beauty. To be sure, there were many weeds, -but there were also a few “Bonheur Seedlings.” Weeville made some -disparaging remarks--something about my having a good bed in two or -three years--but I felt too complacent to mind him. So, when the cold -began to increase, I had Patrick cover over my treasures carefully with -plenty of straw, and possessed my soul in patience for the next spring. - -The agriculture of modern days is very different from what it was in the -times of our forefathers. Without going back to the days of Adam and -Eve, when the vegetable kingdom managed itself, but after perspiration -became a necessity of existence, the first gardening was rude, seeds -were planted in the merest ignorance of all organic laws, and left to -the fate that the earth and the waters held in store for them. Slowly, -by innumerable failures, certain rules were learned, and fertilizers, -rotation of crops, and suitable soils were dimly comprehended. In later -days science has stepped in, and shed a flood of light on the subject. -Now, before you plant a seed, you ask a chemist to analyze the soil, and -ascertain exactly how much hydrogen, nitrogen, oxygen, phosphate of -lime, and other ingredients with hard names, the dirt is composed of, -and then you add whatever is deficient. One of the most beautiful -inventions of science is liquid manure; not that it is beautiful in -itself, for it certainly is not agreeable to the senses of smell or -sight, and probably not to that of taste, but it does so admirably -comply with all scientific requirements. The great object in applying a -fertilizer is to so subdivide its particles as to enable the finer -tissues of the roots to take it up by their almost invisible mouths. Not -only is this done perfectly by dissolving the material to be applied, -but water, the second great essential of vegetable life, is supplied at -the same time. Upon this subject all the scientific books, including my -favorites, “Ten Acres Enough” and “Bridgeman’s Assistant,” enter with an -enthusiasm which is surprising to the novice. Of course I was a great -admirer of the liquid theory, and resolved that my strawberries should -not suffer from its want. - -Nothing, however could be done till the following spring, and we must -anticipate events to give the conclusion of the attempt. It was with -some anxiety that I watched the removal of the straw covering the next -April, and with no little relief did I observe that the “Bonheur -Seedlings”--if they could be so called now that they had attained -maturity--were still there; not quite so numerous, perhaps, as when they -were covered up, and not by any means the original two thousand, but -still to the number of several scores. The first thing to do was to give -them a strong fertilizer, and that must be liquid. The drainings from -the kitchen had been led into a sink, and, having fermented during -winter, complied with all the requisites for this valuable nourishment. -So deeply had I been impressed with the necessity of saving every thing -that could supply plant-food, so entirely was I convinced of the force -of scientific arguments, and the duty which every man owes to his -country in aiding the fertility of her fields, that not a drop of the -precious liquid had been wasted. - -Patrick stared when he was told to water the plants with it, and -murmured something about “its being too hot”--quite an Irish absurdity, -considering it had been out all winter--but obeyed orders, and soon had -a nice coating of what looked much like whitewash over the entire bed. -After a day or two the “Bonheurs” were examined, and, not seeming very -strong, were treated to a second watering; then, as they did not -improve, fresh waterings were given them. In case of sickness science is -our only resource, and, although Patrick ignorantly begged to have them -left to themselves, the liquid fertilizer was applied steadily. It was -given to them early and late; the weaker and paler they became, the more -they had of it; once a day, twice a day, even three times a day, was the -dose exhibited. - -I am now satisfied that the “Bonheur Seedling” is not a success--it is -not a sufficiently hardy plant for our climate. They may be good -bearers--of this I can not speak--but they can not be called vigorous. -By the first of June the last had wilted away, in spite of steady -waterings with the best liquid manure. My experience in this matter is -of great value to the public; for, while I can advise no one to invest -in “Bonheur Seedlings,” I can thoroughly indorse the virtues of that -universally praised and admirably scientific liquid fertilizer--the -washings from the kitchen sink, and earnestly urge all young gardeners -never to omit the use of it on their beds. If any thing can insure the -success of the strawberry--even the “Bonheur Seedling”--it is this -invaluable compost, and the directions for saving it contained in all -agricultural works are well worth following, in spite of the trouble -they entail. No one who uses it will fail to thank science for the -benefits that it has conferred on agriculture. It is true that in my -case it was not quite equal to the occasion, and I had to buy new plants -and set them out in the spring; but I always regretted that the -sink-water was exhausted ere this was done, for I felt sure that on any -species but the feeble “Bonheur” so thoroughly scientific a fertilizer -would have had a prodigious effect. - -This very interesting matter has led us somewhat ahead of our story, -and, although it seemed essential to give these valuable results of the -application of science to strawberries, we must now return to our fall -work. Next in importance to the strawberries was the asparagus-bed, and -great were the preparations made for it. Bridgeman was consulted. He is -somewhat obscure, and I did not practically understand some of his -directions, especially the one which he lays down as of the first -importance, that the plot of ground must be thoroughly “trenched.” Of -course, I was perfectly acquainted with the meaning of that word in its -ordinary acceptation--it signifies to dig a ditch; but the exact purpose -of a ditch in an asparagus-bed was not entirely apparent. It was not for -drainage, for, as far as I could make out, the ditch was to be filled up -again as soon as made; it was not merely as an ornament, or to separate -these valuable plants from their baser and less aristocratic neighbors, -but it had some occult purpose manifestly connected with a subtle and -technical interpretation. An application to the last pictorial and -unabridged “Worcester” did no good: there “trench” was made to mean a -“pit, drain, or ditch.” As “drain or ditch” were impossible, so “pit” -seemed equally out of the question. - -Not seeing any better way out of the dilemma, and the necessity to -proceed being pressing, I put a bold face upon the matter, and, in an -indifferent sort of way, told Patrick to trench the necessary ground. To -my great surprise and relief, he understood me, and I found it was not -making a ditch round the plot, as I had suspected, but digging it well -over and putting in manure. The roots of the asparagus were -queer-looking things, without any green tops, reminding one of the -frogs’ legs seen in market strung on a stick, only that they have rather -more legs than a frog. They were planted under my own supervision, and -there we shall leave them until next spring, in the firm hope we shall -see more of them. - -The fruit-trees had to be set out in the fall, besides a forest of -shade-trees; but, as this was done in October, after the cold weather -had driven me to town, some painful mistakes arose in placing them; the -fruit-trees generally found themselves where the shade-trees were to -have been, and the smallest dwarfs usurped the locations of the tallest -monarchs of the forest. This produced an irregular effect. There bid -fair to be great thinness of foliage where we hoped for the densest -shade, and the large trees were generally planted in such parts of the -garden as required most sun; this, however, was not a serious matter, as -they could be arranged in the ensuing fall, and it is not clear, after -all, whether a little shade is not a good thing for plants in our -extreme climate. This, with plowing and digging, closed our fall work, -and in the next chapter we shall get a comparative statement of profit -and loss, showing the manifold advantages of living in the country. - -[Illustration] - - - - -CHAPTER X. - -PROFIT AND LOSS. - - -Now that we have finished our first year’s experience, and shown how -readily a person can pass from the profession of a lawyer to that of an -agriculturist, we come to the subject which, after all, is the great -question of both city and country life, and which we have always kept so -steadily in view--the question of profit and loss. The reader must bear -in mind that I had great difficulties to contend with; no one had kindly -set out fruit-trees for me, nor started my asparagus and strawberry -beds, nor even laid out my garden. Moreover, the weather had been -exceptionally hot and dry; for it does usually rain occasionally during -the summer in our climate, and several accidents had happened that can -hardly be expected to take place invariably. The profit, therefore, must -be looked for, not in the merely vulgar, material sense, but somewhat in -the sensations, thoughts, and experiences that were included in the -results of the year’s labor. To be sure, there was an indirect material -gain: if I had gone to Saratoga or Newport, or had hired a summer -residence elsewhere, $2000 or $3000 would hardly have covered the -expense, even if I did not fall into the clutches of the “tiger;” and if -I had staid in the city, at the present price of mint juleps and sherry -cobblers, and the present dusty condition of the public thoroughfares, I -could hardly have got off for less. The pure air of Flushing supplied -the place of both these excitements, while the deep interest of my -agricultural pursuits kept my mind in a pleasant state of occupation. - -The original outlay for house and grounds was, in round numbers, -$15,000; my fruit-trees cost $145 50, which must be added to principal -of investment, as it was not to be expected I should have to buy -fruit-trees every year. The strawberry plants cost $20, and this should -also be part of principal; but, as they all died, it may be that this -must be yearly expense, at least for the first season. The asparagus -plants cost $25, and we can hardly be able to tell where to place that -item until next year shall determine what becomes of them. The baker’s -boy, who served me with bread, ran his cart against my gate-post, and -put me to an expense of $35 for repairs; this clearly should be -principal, as he could hardly be expected to renew the operation yearly; -besides, he has been dismissed by his employer. My seeds cost $3 75, -and, as they never came up, I fear they must go to annual expenditure. -The bean-poles cost $2, and, if the neighboring boys do not steal them, -that is an item of investment. The nest-eggs for the hens cost 75 cents, -which, I have been informed, is more than they are worth; but that -constitutes permanent capital. My furniture was badly damaged in being -transported from the city to the country, and then from the country to -the city; the legs of the chairs became somewhat displaced, and the -upper drawer fell out of one bureau, that was laid face downward; but, -as I am now suing the express-men for damages by reason of their -negligence, it is hard to say whether this should be included; I have -put my damages at $250, but, perhaps, for the purposes of this work, we -might reduce them to $25. Dandy Jim cost $450, and ate about half as -much in hay and oats, and smashed my wagon to such an extent that the -repairs came to $50, and the wagon was nearly ruined. I paid $100 for -the cow, and would not part with her for twice the money. The chickens -cost $105, which item must go to annual expenditure, less the value of -one mink skin. The pig cost $12, and grew finely, eating not only all -the kitchen refuse, but a good feed of corn-meal and water three times -a day; unfortunately, pork fell, and when he was killed he would only -have produced $11 in market; but, as we intended to cure and eat him, he -would have been fairly worth what we should have had to pay for salt -pork by retail, had not an accident happened that will be described -hereafter. The value of the premises was really greatly enhanced by -their occupation and the improvements made on them, but the precise -amount of such increase is too indefinite to be stated with the accuracy -required by this work, consequently it is omitted altogether, the -intention of the writer being to give only such items as may be fully -relied on by any person intending to embark in a similar venture. - -The account may be stated as follows: - -INVESTMENT.--DEBIT. - - Premises $15,000 00 - Fruit-trees 145 50 - Shade-trees (mostly in wrong places) 107 00 - Asparagus plants (doubtful) 25 00 - Repairs to gate 35 00 - Bean-poles 2 00 - Dandy Jim 450 00 - Cow 100 00 - Nest-eggs 75 - ---------- - Total $15,865 25 - -INVESTMENT.--CREDIT. - - Premises worth $15,000 00 - Trees (besides improving the premises) 350 00 - Asparagus-bed (if successful) 150 00 - Bean-poles (if not stolen) 2 00 - Dandy Jim (would be glad to take) 200 00 - Cushy (would not sell her for) 200 00 - Nest-egg (all but one lost) 05 - ---------- - Total $15,902 05 - -The increased value in the trees is due to the fact that they have been -standing some months, and are really worth so much more on one’s place -than crowded together in a nursery. A few may die--but it is not well to -anticipate misfortunes--and the expense of replacing them will, in such -case, fall into the annual account of the succeeding year. - -YEARLY EXPENDITURE. - - Interest on investment $1050 00 - Strawberry plants 20 00 - Seeds 3 75 - Damages to furniture 25 00 - Repairs of wagon (yearly expenditure so long as - Dandy Jim remains with me) 50 00 - Chickens 105 00 - -------- - Total $1253 75 - -YEARLY PROCEEDS. - - Expense of trip to Newport or Saratoga saved $2000 00 - Proceeds from suit against express-men 50 00 - Costs, ditto 200 00 - One mink skin 25 - -------- - Total $2250 25 - -The profits of my first year were not large, but sufficient to induce me -to continue the experiment. There may be some few items of expense, such -as neglect of business, which are omitted; but the amount is difficult -to compute, and rather too remote, as we lawyers say, for the business -might have been neglected in any event. The mink skin was taken at a bad -season of the year for the fur; it is included among the annual receipts -as an offset to the chickens, and in the confident expectation that if -another mink were to do similar damage he would suffer the same fate. -The clear profit may be set down at $1000 in round numbers, which was -entirely satisfactory, considering the unusual difficulties that -presented themselves, and which more experience and less drought would -probably remove in succeeding years. It will be observed that the costs -of suit are included, although the case is not yet tried; but as it is a -question involving a long account of many items, and is brought by a -lawyer, the judge will probably refer it to another lawyer, who will -undoubtedly perceive the justice of the claim. The amount of both -recovery and costs is rather understated, if any thing. This is a source -of profit that could only be counted on by one of the profession; a -non-professional would probably find it the other way; but, as the -damages are charged, the receipts must go against them. The saving on -the trip to Newport or Saratoga is fairly included, as none of my -readers would expect me to pass the summer in town. - -This was certainly, taken all in all, a flattering exhibit, as, with the -charming and original author of “Ten Acres Enough,” when he forgot to -put any clothing on the backs of his wife and daughters, we must not -confine our view merely to the humdrum matter of fact affairs of -every-day life, but must look at the whole subject from a higher -stand-point. Think of all the pleasures, intellectual and physical, of -the change from the dull, dreary city streets to the lovely country -roads--from the nasty Croton, running through its poisonous leaden -pipes, and vulgarly penetrating into every room on every story, to the -pure, sparkling well-water, so fresh and delicious (after the cat was -removed), drawn from the deep well by pump or bucket. Think of going -from the unhealthy atmosphere of overcrowded New York, where sickness of -all kinds is on the look-out for its victims--where pestilence stalks in -the noonday--to the invigorating air of Flushing, where a slight attack -of chills and fever, if it does happen, is rather an agreeable variety. -Think of escaping from the offensive over-supply of Fulton and -Washington Markets, and the consequent difficulty in making selections -for the daily returning dinner, and being every morning informed by the -butcher-boy that you can have a beefsteak or mutton-chop, and nothing -else, according as hairy or woolly cattle are cheapest. Think of all -these advantages, apart from pecuniary considerations! - -In a moral aspect, the advantage is equally striking. No late hours or -evening dissipations at Flushing--no demoralizing club-life--no -theatrical entertainments--no political meetings. Occasionally, perhaps, -some exponent of the water-cure theory, some second-rate necromancer, -some believer in spiritualism, or some devotee of cold water, gives a -lecture at the town hall; but these can scarcely rise to the dangerous -dignity of dissipations, and are agreeably somnolescent in their -influence. Husbands are not apt to be led away by them into neglecting -their wives, nor literary or professional men into deserting their -books; while for the youth of either sex these attractions are not -excessive. Once in a while there may be a public ball, but, as every one -has been seeing every body else every day in every week for months, if -not years, and as nothing but ice cream, cakes, and lemonade are served -round, it is a mild species of orgy at worst. - -But, to escape from moral considerations and to return to practical -ones, it will be observed that the pig does not appear in the accounts; -this is due to what may properly be called an accident, and can not be -blamed to the writer. Piggy grew finely, and toward Christmas Patrick -butchered him in artistic style, and brought him to the city. He must -have weighed 220 lbs., although, not having scales sufficiently strong -to sustain that weight, I can not be positive that he did not exceed it; -but, unfortunately, the price of pork was then only five cents per -pound, which would have brought him to eleven dollars, whereas we had -paid twelve for him six months before, and put a goodly amount of corn, -to say nothing of swill, into him besides. He was not for sale, however, -being intended for the salting-kettle, and I proceeded to cut him up. - -I was not skilled in the art of animal dissection, and the result would -hardly have been approved by a scientific butcher. His back was -particularly hard to split, especially with no better instrument than a -heavy carving-knife, which was somewhat nicked in the operation, and it -was very difficult to chop in the true line. Surgery not having been a -part of my education, I found the disjointing of the limbs an intricate -process. The shoulders and hams took - -[Illustration] - -odd shapes, unlike what I had been accustomed to seeing on table, and -the flesh insisted upon looking more like gobs than the ordinary pieces. -Still, Patrick was strong, and he pulled as I cut, and between us -something was sure to give way, and I succeeded in separating the -joints, and reducing him to a shape that would go into the barrel, the -abundant fat that I encountered in the process promising well for the -quality of the future salt pork that he was to make. - -Weeville had given me an accurate recipe for preparing the brine that -was to cover him: it was to be composed of salt and water boiled, and -strong enough to bear an egg, with a modicum of saltpetre. The hams and -shoulders were to be rubbed well with brown sugar, with a view to their -being smoked, and the brine was to be poured over the pork after the -latter had been carefully packed in the barrel, and then a weight was to -be laid on top. - -These directions were very explicit, and it seemed impossible to make a -mistake; but, unfortunately, Weeville forgot to mention that the brine -must be allowed to cool before it is used. Being ignorant of this -important particular, I poured the boiling pickle over the meat, which -had been carefully disposed in the bottom of a huge hogshead, and calmly -awaited the effect. Without entering into farther particulars on this -painful subject, it is sufficient to say that we did not eat our own -salt pork that year. It would undoubtedly have been remarkably fine, and -far superior to any thing that is to be had in market, for it is my firm -impression that that pig had eaten three or four times its weight in -corn before it had consented to harden its flesh, which my scientific -neighbors tell me is the object in feeding corn. I bore the -disappointment as well as I could, but it is to be regretted that -people are not more careful to be exact in their instructions; and, -above all, when an error of this kind is committed and pointed out, they -should not reply--as Weeville was inconsiderate enough to do, when I -told him of his omission--“Well, I thought you knew enough for that.” - -This loss, being a mere accident, for which I was clearly no more to -blame than if my pocket had been picked in the cars, or I had trod on a -nail when surveying my garden and been compelled to pay doctor’s bills, -is not fairly chargeable to the account of country life. In fact, the -loss took place in the city; for when the pig left the country he was -manifestly worth eleven, if not twelve dollars, at market rates, and was -even more valuable for home consumption. The loss was not my fault, nor -the pig’s fault, and Weeville says it was not his fault--and it -certainly was not the fault of country life--so I have omitted it -altogether from the statement. - -I have been particular to be thus explicit and exact, and to keep every -thing within bounds; for, knowing what numbers will be induced by these -pages to follow my example, I wish to give them merely such views and -facts as they can implicitly rely upon; and it is confidently believed -that any other professional man can do as well as I did, or very nearly -so, with any five acres he may select in the vicinity of Flushing, or in -some other equally eligible locality, if any locality as eligible as -that delightful and fashionable village can be found--a point about -which, until my lots are sold, I shall continue to have very great -doubts. - -[Illustration] - - - - -CHAPTER XI. - -THE FLUSHING SKATING-POND--A DIGRESSION. - - -“Well,” said Weeville one day, during the ensuing winter, as he dropped -into my quiet office in the city, where I try to forget the charms and -allurements of the country, and devote myself to Coke, Blackstone, and -Kent, “we have finally put our skating-pond in good hands. Last year -there was much complaint because the snow was not cleared off, and the -best days in the season were wasted from this neglect; but now we shall -have no farther trouble. You know the ice-man, Willis, who supplies the -residents with ice--he has taken hold of it. His services were engaged -at considerable expense, because we all knew his long experience had -made him thoroughly acquainted with the subject. He has had to do with -ice ever since he was a boy; he has cut it, and packed it, and sold it, -and can make it freeze if there is any freeze in it. During the mildest -winters his supply has never failed; he is a remarkable man in that -line. We have a splendid pond, nicely fenced in, and much superior to -your Central Park affairs, where the boys jostle and upset you, or to -the petty concerns got up as rinks, and occupying half a city block, -where you can scarcely turn round. There is plenty of room on our lake, -and the company is select. You are fond of skating. Why don’t you make -up a party and run out some day? All the best people go there, and you -know how pretty our girls are in Flushing.” - -I had come to the city quite early, not being entirely satisfied, in my -blind ignorance, that winters in the country, with snow or mud on the -ground, the thermometer clinging to zero, and the wind having full -sweep, were as pleasant as they are in New York, even when streets are -impassable and sidewalks slippery. Nevertheless, I am devotedly fond of -skating; not that I excel in the art; for, on the contrary, I can do -little more than the simplest steps, and generally return from every -expedition with bruised body and sore limbs. I keep on hoping that I -shall improve, and make the most of the fresh air and exercise, although -the fancy steps, and my efforts to disregard the simplest laws of -equilibrium, bring me to grief. It is pleasant to skate, and pleasant to -see others skate, especially of the female sex, with their cheeks aglow -and their eyes sparkling, and with their neat dresses and dainty feet. -On the Central Park the troublesome boys annoy me, and the private ponds -are so filled with superior artists that I am ashamed to appear on them; -skating is not only a fashionable recreation, but peculiarly a country -pastime, where ponds abound, not having been filled up to make city -lots; so I determined to take advantage of Weeville’s suggestion. - -Moreover, I am fond of the best people; I like good society. It is -pleasant to mention that I met so and so, and imply that we are on -intimate terms. Of course, all are equals in this country, and my family -is exceedingly old, going back almost to the time of my grandfather. I -have a right to consideration, but still one feels better to be among -the best. Besides these two attractions, Weeville had intimated that the -young ladies of the neighborhood frequented that favored pond; this was -a still stronger inducement. Woman is pretty in every costume that -fashion adopts; she is angelic in high bonnets and divine in flat hats; -she is bewitching in tight skirts, and enrapturing in balloon crinoline; -she is entrancing in short robes, and overwhelming in long trains; -whether she wears feathers or ribbons, crape or colors, high necks or -low necks, she is charming; but in a skating costume, with her dress -high looped up, her red balmoral appearing below, and her dear little -feet--seeming smaller from being strapped to skates--peeping out from -under all, and occasionally exhibiting an ankle above, she becomes -tenfold more enchanting. The exercise and cold air are splendid artists -for painting her cheeks, and the swan is nowhere in comparison with her -grace of motion. No place so abounds in the beautiful of their sex as -Flushing. So I resolved that I would steal a day from pressing cares and -labors, and collect a few friends to visit the skating pond. - -The house had been finished and closed, and had been given in Patrick’s -charge; some furniture had been left there, and it was merely necessary -to make a few arrangements to receive hospitably the guests who had been -invited. Weeville was to bring me word when the ice was solid, so that -we might start on the ensuing morning early. The thermometer was the -subject of much interest for some days. It went down finally, and staid -down resolutely; rumors circulated that the New York Rink was frozen, -and skating had commenced there; next the public conveyances bore -announcements that the opposition private pond was solid; and finally -the red ball went up, and thousands rushed to the Central Park. Our -party, too much on the _qui vive_ for the superior attractions of -Flushing to make engagements for any of those places, waited and waited -for Weeville. After the rest of the skating world had been enjoying -themselves for a week, he appeared at my office in a great state of -hilarity. - -“Ready at last,” he shouted. “Willis wanted the ice to be solid; a -careful man, that; no accidents while he is in charge. But last night -fixed it. The ice is at least six inches thick, and to-morrow the whole -town will be on hand. Nothing like starting right; put some one with -brains at the head, and you are sure to go straight; twenty years’ -experience does not pass for nothing. I suppose you have been impatient, -but remember we have no life-saving machines, and it is better to be on -the sure side, if it is a little slower. Come in the early train -to-morrow.” - -There was great excitement in warning and collecting our forces, and we -did not get off as early as we hoped; but having at last managed to -cross the river and reach the train--except a few couples that were left -behind--we were soon at the Flushing dépôt. - -Instead of having wagons ready to carry the party at once to the pond, -as he had promised, Weeville received us alone. His usual hilarity was -wanting, his air was sad, his manner disconsolate. As we crowded around -him, he said slowly, “There is no skating.” - -“Ridiculous,” was the answer, in a chorus of astonished voices; “there -must be skating.” - -“Yes,” said our precise associate, “I have a recording thermometer, and -last night the mercury fell to fifteen.” - -“Your man is a little too cautious,” I said; “there is such a thing as -erring on the right side.” - -“Oh!” said the ladies, “if that’s all, we are not afraid; are we, -Mr.----?” each turning to her particular companion with a look that -induced the latter to engage unanimously to answer for their safety. - -“But there is no ice,” again said Weeville, with a manner of most -deplorable abasement. - -“Now, how can that be?” demanded our precise man again; “water freezes -at thirty-two.” - -“Why,” burst forth the female chorus, “the Central Park has been frozen -these two days.” - -“Well, Mr. Weeville,” I then commenced, growing incensed at his -stupidity, “if there was no ice, why did you tell me last evening that -it was six inches thick?” - -“So it was,” he replied, still more drearily. - -“Then, in Heaven’s name, what has become of it?” - -“Willis cut it all yesterday, and put it in his ice-houses,” was the -final reply. If he had fired a pistol among the party, my friend could -not have surprised them more. “He says he wanted it to freeze smoother; -but the pond is ruined for the season, as the little pieces and lumps -that have broken off will remain, and destroy the surface.” - -“What a shame!” cried the ladies. “The scoundrel!” growled the men. -“Well, what can we do?” asked the former. “Let us go home,” replied the -latter. Vain were my imploring requests that they would at least visit -my country seat--in company I speak of it as my country “place” or -“seat”--that they might warm themselves after their journey, and satisfy -the cravings of hunger and thirst. “All aboard!” yelled the conductor, -for the Flushing trains make immediate return trips, like ferry-boats. -My companions clambered up the steps and into the seats, and, in a -moment more, were being whirled back to the city. I did not accompany -them, but remained with Weeville, who, though far from lively, was -probably a more pleasant associate for me just then. - -In fact, on the question of skating the city seems to possess certain -advantages. In the country snow keeps falling at odd and inconvenient -times, and there are no enthusiastic individuals to shovel it off. -Hardly does the thermometer go down into the twenties, and succeed in -congealing the surface and raising the expectations of the devotees of -the “ringing steel,” ere the clouds cover the sky, snow-flakes make -their appearance, and settle down with some inches of soft -impassability, winding up, probably, with a rain or “freeze,” that -leaves the entire surface of every pond an uninviting expanse of “humps -and bumps,” that bid defiance equally to high art and unskilled -blundering. The ice-shaving machines, the snow-sweepers and the like, -are confined to the metropolitan limits; and, although there is plenty -of ice in the country, it is often hard to get at, even if there is not -an “ice-man” to carry it away for other uses than skating. - - - - -CHAPTER XII. - -THE SECOND YEAR. - - -We now come to the second year. The house had been finished. It occupied -a commanding position on the beautiful square that constituted my -possessions, and, with the wind whistling through the innumerable -ornaments that covered the edges of its high peaks, brought to mind its -original seafaring owner. The land had been well plowed, at last, and -was no longer impervious to spade and pick; the strawberries, whose -untimely fate has already been described in anticipation, had been -planted, and the asparagus-bed was in a promising state of preparation. -Fruit-trees, and raspberry bushes, and the “great Lawton -blackberry”--which, having originally been discovered by Mr. Seaton, was -called by my intelligent fellow-farmers after Mr. Lawton, because both -names ended with “ton”--were set out; my accounts for the year were made -up, and I determined to go to Europe. - -My trip was principally undertaken--apart from some business claims -which importunate clients insisted on pressing upon me--to study the -European mode of agriculture. With that view I spent most of my time in -Paris, and went steadily to the Jardin des Plantes, Jardin -d’Acclimitation, Jardin Mobille, Château de Vincennes, Château des -Fleurs, the Lilac Festival, Bois des Boulogne, Pare Monceau, and all -such places where there was a chance to learn any thing I did not know -before. The information I acquired was very valuable, and if the reader -perceives its effect in the future pages he need not be surprised. - -This threw the garden pretty much upon Patrick’s shoulders, and he -bought me a new lot of forty chickens, two watch-dogs, and four cats--as -the rats had almost taken possession of my house and barn, thinking, -apparently, that it was built for their convenience--and put into the -ground the most enormous quantity of manure. He seemed to have imbibed -the scientific agriculturist’s admiration for fertilizers, or else felt -an interest in the welfare of his numerous friends and compatriots in -the neighborhood who kept pigs and cattle, and raised what the books -politely term compost. He spread seven hundred loads of it on my five -acres, and when he was through there was not a load of compost to be had -in Flushing for love--although I do not believe that ever bought a load -of compost any where--or money. - -Of course, I did not know exactly what seeds Patrick had put in, and if -I asked him, during the spring, whether he had this or that vegetable, -his answer always was, “Shure and he had lashings ov it;” but I feared -he had a sneaking weakness for onions and cabbages. My first question on -my return, which was after a flying visit of a few months, in which I -had learned all that was essential, was about the success of the -asparagus-bed. - -“Faith, nothing has iver come up,” was the heart-rending response. -“There was a most beautiful pond of water standing on the spot all -winter, and I consaited that the roots was rotted out intirely; so, as -the bed was ilegantly manured, I jist put in a fine crop o’ turnips, as -I thought that would be the doin’ ov it.” - -This was the end of my asparagus--a bed that requires three years to -mature, and which could not be started till another fall; a bed that had -been trenched and fertilized, and on which so much brain-work and -back-work had been expended; a bed in which the roots ought to have -slept comfortably and safely during their sleepy season. One or two -spears struggled up through the second planting, but even they were -feeble, and barely exhibited that delicate fringe that mature asparagus -assumes by contrast to its earlier state. My disgust can be imagined--to -plant asparagus and reap turnips, which I never eat, and yet have -Patrick inform me that this was “the doing of it!” To have, in place of -the most aristocratic and delicate of vegetables, the most vulgar and -indigestible one; to have the favorite plant of refined gourmets -supplanted by the food of cattle! I felt as though the only thing “done” -was myself. - -Although my return to farming was a little late in the season, I went to -work in earnest, undismayed by this deplorable failure, planting every -spot that Patrick had neglected, and, as his memory was not very -accurate, occasionally putting a second sowing where he had already -planted a different seed. I felt I must make the most of my ground in -its present productive condition, and filled up every hole and corner. -The weather was propitious, and every thing grew in grand style. The -peas climbed up the bushes that were set round them and out over the -top; the beans went to the summit of their poles, and then waved their -heads round in the wind like measuring-worms on the end of a stick; and -the squashes covered the ground with enormous leaves. - -The first that came to bearing were our peas--Daniel O’Rourkes, of -course. They rather went to stalk, being some seven feet high--about -twice their proper height, as laid down in agricultural works, and -almost out of reach. There were not many pods, and Patrick said “he -’most broke his back laining up to reach ’em;” but the flavor fully -justified Weeville’s enthusiasm. Unfortunately, only two rows had been -planted, and they furnished but a few meals--we had moved out of town -early to enjoy the full benefit of our fresh vegetables--and our next -planting consisted of a quantity of dwarf marrowfats. Now dwarf peas -have some advantages; they are easy to plant and easier to take care of; -they grow luxuriantly and bear abundantly; they are what farmers call a -“sure crop,” but as for eating them, that is another question. In a -religious and penitential point of view they would be invaluable, as no -amount of boiling would ever soften them. It is said they are a -profitable crop, and good, when plowed under, to enrich the land. It -would seem as though they were excellent in every way but on the table, -and it so happened that it was just for this especial purpose that I -wanted them. My land needed no farther enriching--Patrick’s compost had -done that effectually. Piety, of course, is desirable in its way, and -penitence is necessary, but mine never ran in the pea line; and -pilgrimages in tight boots was as much as ever I could endure and -retain a pious frame of mind, without adding the torture of dwarf peas. -Patrick, however, had great faith in dwarf peas, because they required -no bushes, and had consequently planted little else, so that our taste -of Daniel O’Rourkes was tantalizing. After the latter were gone we -bought the peas for our table in the village, while I had the -satisfaction of feeding Patrick the dry, tasteless “dwarfs” all summer, -till he thought the “dwarf pays weren’t good at all, at all.” - -[Illustration] - -Our next crop was squashes. We had the earliest squashes in all -Flushing. Their broad leaves covered the ground and reached up like -hands toward heaven; their insinuating runners spread in every -direction; large yellow flowers, into which bumblebees retired for honey -till they were out of sight, appeared innumerably, and at last the -creamy, delicate fruit shone through the thick foliage. It was with no -little exultation that I handed a fine large ripe one to Weeville, whose -vines were not nearly so forward. I anticipated his surprise, and -watched for its manifestation with interest. He, however, thanked me -kindly, but said he never ate squashes. This was simply the effect of -envy. He was indignant that his scholar should have been ahead of him, -and pretended he was merely raising a few for the servants. The excuse -was a palpable evasion, and I did not allow it to depress me, although I -must confess that I do not eat squashes myself. Peas are fine, -especially Daniel O’Rourkes, and except dwarfs; but squashes are a -miserably watery vegetable, fit only to feed cattle, who will hardly eat -them--except always when one raises them one’s self, and has the -earliest in the neighborhood, then they must be eaten with a relish, and -I did my best to keep up appearances. - -Our cucumbers were a marvel of success. The water and musk melons did -not do so well, although the squashes were placed on one side of them -and the cucumbers on the other. Unfortunately, I do not eat cucumbers -either. The onions succeeded admirably--almost too much so, for Patrick, -as I had dreaded, had planted about an acre of them. I should have eaten -these, but there is a popular prejudice against them, and I observed -that after indulging in them, if I paid a visit, my lady friends did not -care to hear me whisper sweet nothings into their ears. Our turnips and -cabbages were immense, but it was never expected that any one but the -servants and cattle would touch them. The cauliflowers and egg-plants -did not do so well. Patrick made an effort to sell our surplus -vegetables, but the market seemed to be supplied, or the price turned -out very different from what we were in the habit of paying when we -purchased. They mostly went to Cushy, Dandy Jim--who rather turned up -his nose at them--and the pigs, of which Patrick had purchased an entire -litter. - -I am a great admirer of cauliflowers, with their creamy consistency and -delicate flavor, and when July arrived, as ours evinced no desire to -hold up their heads and “blossom like the rose,” it was clear “something -must be done, and that shortly.” - -Fresh application was made to the books, but the information there -contained was not quite so full and satisfactory as had been expected. -Much was said about cold frames, and housing young plants for the -winter, but very little that seemed to meet the case in point. My plants -did not want any housing over winter; they were to be eaten at once, if -they would only come to the edible point. The sole difficulty was that -they presented to the eye nothing that in the least resembled what one -finds in market under the name of cauliflower--a delicious concentration -of vegetable cream. There were leaves and stalks, but no flower, and -what precisely the former were good for except to feed the cow, neither -Patrick nor myself could exactly tell. He had a very vague idea of the -cause of the difficulty, and all that the books seemed to suggest was a -return to that most useful nourishment, the liquid fertilizer. - -Our kitchen sink having been exhausted on the strawberries, this had to -be manufactured from the refuse of the chicken coop. It was not a -refined idea to pour such a filthy compound over so absorbent a -substance--in fact, over any substance that was to be eaten--and the -necessity of success alone forced me to it. But the plants were -themselves evidently disgusted with such treatment, and only spread out -their leaves like umbrellas to shield themselves from the offensive -showers. We had a few heads, or what passed for heads; but they were -leafy and rather tough--quite different from the white full heads sold -in market--and we fancied tasted of their nourishment. - -There seemed to be a spell on the garden; whatever we wanted failed, and -had to be purchased in the village, and whatever was useless grew -magnificently. One of our cucumbers measured two feet in length by one -in circumference, and took the prize--a certificate merely--at the -county fair; but, generally, our success was not in exact accordance -with our taste. This, of course, was due to my unfortunate absence early -in the season. It never does to leave such important matters to -unlettered ignorance. How Adam ever made out to earn his bread in early -days, without the aid of “Ten Acres Enough,” and “Bridgeman’s -Assistant,” is a puzzle. Science is our only salvation, and it was a -matter of congratulation that I returned in time to apply it to the -flower garden, if I was somewhat late for the coarser vegetables. - - - - -CHAPTER XIII. - -SCIENCE. - - -I had a high appreciation of the superiority of learning in cultivating -the earth. Beside the dazzling statements of the brilliant writers on -agriculture, the humdrum notions of the plodding workers were little -less than disgusting. What is the few bushels of potatoes which an acre -yields under common management when compared with the hundreds of -barrels which it should give by scientific appliances? Under such -manipulation the compost heap becomes a mountain of wealth, and morass a -mine of gold. Of course, I discussed these points with Weeville, and -impressed upon him frequently the great value of science. Inspired by -this feeling, it is not surprising that none of my failures had in the -least disheartened me. I was still a firm believer in high art, and -studied out every new suggestion that could be made applicable to the -restricted area of five acres. I had read all the latest books on the -farm, the garden, trees, vegetables, plants, berries, fruits, and every -thing whatever which the earth produced for the service of man, except -what pertained to the mineral kingdom. No sooner would a seed-store -issue a new catalogue than I had it, and devoured the contents for the -purpose of discovering novelties; I corresponded with distant florists -for whatever they produced as a specialty, or to obtain their -descriptive catalogue, and I really began to feel as though I were a man -of science myself. - -My particular attention had been given to the flowers. This department -had been under my charge from the commencement, Patrick confining his -exertions to the supply of edibles. I had run through the general list -of flowers, had purchased all the hardy bedding sorts which could be -obtained ready to be set out, and had at last succeeded in compelling -them to grow in spite of their vigorous opposition. I had conquered -asters, columbine, anagallis, Jacobœa, snap-dragon, phlox, foxglove, -Canterbury bells, hyacinths, tulips, crocuses, balsams, Callirrhoe, -coreopsis, pansies, poppies, lobelias, sweet peas, garden rockets, -larkspurs, verbenas, zinnias, and many more of the common varieties, -besides innumerable shrubs; but, not content with these, my attention -was turned to another world, a higher one to overcome, and deeper -science to be applied. - -This awakening came through a very full and complete catalogue and list -of seeds and plants published by a firm strongly indorsed by the ablest -periodical on farming in the country, and which I believe in next to the -prayer-book. Of course, this approval was sufficient to entitle to -implicit confidence what the seedsmen might say, and I fairly devoured -the glowing descriptions of new plants that this work--for it contained -some one hundred and fifty pages--presented. I made quite a large -selection of seeds, and among them ordered a double quantity of a -strange plant described in the following enthusiastic manner: - - DATURA (TRUMPET-FLOWER), Nat. Ord. _Solanaceæ_.--An ornamental - class of plants, many of which possess attractions of the highest - order, and are not nearly so extensively cultivated as they ought - to be. In large clumps or borders of shrubbery they produce an - excellent effect. The roots may be preserved in sand through the - winter in a dry cellar. _Half-hardy perennials._ - - DATURA WRIGHTII (_Meteloides_).--A splendid variety, with - bell-shaped flowers eight inches long, white bordered with lilac, - and sweet scented; continues in bloom from July to November; - beautiful beyond description; from Asia. - -Here was a magnificent future--a perennial, with flowers eight inches -long, “beautiful beyond description.” To be sure, I was a little -troubled about the name. I could not make up my mind positively whether -it was “Datura” or “Meteloides.” They were both good names, however, and -that, in science, is half the battle. Still, accuracy is a weakness of -mine, and it was unpleasant to call these new seeds half the time -Datura, and the other half Meteloides. But I felt that, under either -appellation, they were invaluable, and I carefully concealed the -possession of the new treasure, that I might at last have a satisfactory -triumph over Weeville, who, with his practical and most incomprehensibly -successful mode of gardening, was quite a thorn in my scientific side. -The papers inclosing the purchase contained minute directions for its -cultivation, and I followed these most exactly, resolved that there -should be no failure this time, if the strictest attention could prevent -it. I supervised the preparation of the hot-bed personally; I saw that -the material was properly turned over and worked, and the mould -carefully prepared; and two distinct sowings were made, so that in case -any untoward accident happened to one, the other might succeed. - -Anxiously I waited the issue, and my exultation may be imagined when -both came up. Datura, even in its earliest stages, exhibited its -aristocratic extraction. There is usually some little difficulty in -distinguishing a youthful weed from a plant by its mere appearance; but -Meteloides was peculiarly elegant and graceful. The first leaves were -not two coarse lobes, but long, slender, delicate, and refined spears of -a pale green color, supported by a tall, spare stalk. They gathered -strength slowly, and, under assiduous care, frequent watering, and -careful shading from the sun, became robust, and finally put forth the -permanent foliage. There were a good many of them; in fact, they took up -a considerable share of my hot-bed, and they soon began to grow large -and strong, till I could hardly wait for the warm weather to transplant -them into the garden. This change was also effected with the utmost -precaution, dull or rainy days being selected; and so determined was I -to oversee every step myself, that a slight rheumatism remains to remind -me of the circumstance. - -However, my labors were rewarded, and, once established in the garden, -the Daturas began to grow vigorously. If they occupied considerable room -in the hot-bed, they demanded still more in the open air, and the -assurance of a wonderful abundance was no longer questionable, the only -doubt remaining as to whether there would be place for the other -inhabitants. Still, it was apparent that flowers “eight inches long, of -white bordered with lilac, and sweet scented,” could hardly be -surpassed, and that it was impossible to have too many of a plant which -was “beautiful beyond description,” and the roots of which could “be -preserved in sand through the winter,” and secure a succession of -loveliness for years to come. As the foliage expanded and the branches -spread, the difference between this plant and the others, its neighbors, -became more and more apparent. It was certainly remarkable, and, the -ground having been doubly enriched to receive it, it grew amazingly. - -Precisely at what point in its existence doubts about Meteloides arose -in my mind, I can not say; and, although they were pooh-poohed and -discarded at first, they pressed themselves upon me, and forced me to -notice a very strange and unpleasant resemblance. These suspicions grew -stronger as the Daturas grew larger, and when the latter began to -overshadow all the other flowers, the former became painfully -oppressive. I began to suspect that my new purchase was not all right, -and awaited anxiously the appearance of those flowers “eight inches -long.” To be sure, it was an immense reassurance to recall the words of -the catalogue, and to read over the indorsement of the seedsmen in the -well-known agricultural paper, which was most severe on humbugs; and I -felt that my doubts were so unworthy that I was careful never to -mention them, but awaited patiently the _dénouement_. Unfortunately, at -this precise moment of suspense, Weeville called to see me; and although -I endeavored to distract his attention--for his way was always so -painfully abrupt--and tried to beguile him with the seductions of the -mint-bed, one of his first questions was, - -“Well, how goes on the garden? Have you discovered any new way of -growing beans wrong end up, or inducing potatoes to produce a dozen -sprouts to every eye?” - -I replied that my garden was getting along very well; and when he -insisted upon a personal inspection, that he might get a lesson or two -in science, as he expressed it, I did my best to lead him to the -vegetable department. But the attempt was vain. He spied my strange -flowers at once, and hastened directly toward a Datura with an -expression of countenance that was far from reassuring. - -“What on earth have you got there?” he burst forth, before he was near -the plant, so that I, skillfully pretending to misunderstand him, and -assuming that his question applied to a shrub near by, replied, - -“Oh, that is a spiræa. A handsome one, is it not? Growing finely; it -will soon cover the entire path.” - -“I don’t mean that--” - -“By the way,” I inquired, interrupting him, “have you any egg-plants to -spare? Ours are not as successful as they ought to be.” - -“Yes, yes; plenty. But I want to know why you have filled your garden--” - -“Walk this way, if you please,” I again broke in. “There’s a remarkably -pretty double Jacobœa that I should like to show you.” - -“In a minute; but tell me first--” - -“And our Lima beans, they are really remarkable; and such carrots and -turnips, to say nothing of many other excellent vegetables.” - -I was becoming a little incoherent, and not sticking to the absolute and -naked truth, for Weeville was not to be moved. He stopped resolutely -before a wonderful specimen of Datura, and said positively, - -“Before I go any where else, I want to know what you call that?” - -“Oh, that,” I replied, with affected indifference, “that is a Datura.” - -As he broke into unpleasantly convulsive laughter, I added, hastily, - -“I mean to say Meteloides.” As he still appeared unconvinced and -somewhat choked with merriment, I further explained: “Datura Wrightii -Meteloides; a plant which ought to be more extensively cultivated; -bears flowers eight inches long, white bordered with lilac, sweet -scented, beautiful beyond description.” - -“Beautiful!” he shouted; “sweet scented! Why, that is a stink-weed. If -you don’t believe me, just touch it.” - -It was. I am sorry to confess the fact, but my fears and suspicions were -confirmed. I had succeeded in producing about a hundred stink-weeds. -There is one disadvantage about science, which consists in the -difficulty of understanding it. Datura and Meteloides are so little like -stink-weed that the common mind could hardly connect the two together, -although the latter have sweet-scented flowers eight inches long. -Moreover, I had supposed that stramonium was the learned name, but it -would appear that science had altered that. It was a good deal of -trouble to get rid of those Daturas. I could not touch them, for by -either name they smelt equally, although not absolutely sweet. It was -out of the question to pull them up, and almost as difficult to cut them -down. During the operation of their removal they gave forth an odor -which seemed to me quite a satisfactory reason why they were not more -“extensively cultivated,” and which rivaled the best efforts of the -American civet, an animal vulgarly known by a more plebeian name. When -they were finally eradicated the garden looked quite bare, and a fresh -application had to be made to the florists for bedding plants to fill up -the vacancies. I still believe in science, but seedsmen should be more -full in their descriptions or more careful in their selections; -certainly stink-weeds are not very desirable flowers, even under the -romantic name Datura or Meteloides. - -[Illustration] - - - - -CHAPTER XIV. - -A SECOND DIGRESSION--FAIRY TALES FOR LITTLE FOLKS. - - -My five acres at Flushing were located on the top of a hill called -Monkey Hill; why so called I can not imagine, for there was never a -monkey seen there since the earliest recollection of the first -inhabitant; nor could it have been from the want of monkeys, as that is -so common a deficiency on Long Island. To be sure, there is a settlement -of Irish on one declivity near the salt meadow; but even supposing that, -by a stretch of the imagination, Irishmen can be converted into monkeys, -that is of comparatively modern date, whereas our Dutch ancestry named -the hill generations back. Nevertheless, the hill is Monkey Hill, and -the settlement is Monkey Town. - -I wander through Monkey Town occasionally, admire the originality of its -Celtic architecture, puzzling myself over the buildings to find out -which are pig-pens and which are houses--for the pig-pens are so like -houses, and the houses are so like pig-pens, that it is hard to tell -them apart--and enter into conversation with my fellow-citizens of Irish -extraction. I am very affable. I pat the girls on their towy heads, and -praise the boys for stout young lads, in the vague hope that the parents -may not tear down my fences, nor let their children rob my future -apple-trees or steal my pumpkins. - -During one of my visits I was much attracted by an old crone who wore -spectacles. Spectacles are not unbecoming to some people; they lend an -air of maturity to youth, and even improve an elderly lady reading her -Bible; but worn permanently by a very wrinkled old woman, with a very -long nose and very sharp chin, they have a bewitching effect that, in -Massachusetts, would insure the culprit’s early decease at the stake. I -made immediate advances to that spectacled female, whose age might have -been any where from a hundred and fifty to three hundred, in the firm -conviction that her conversation would be interesting and improving; nor -was I mistaken, for the intimacy engendered by a few visits induced her -to confide in me the following story relative to a small, round, muddy -pond, that has neither outlet or inlet, but which is always full, or -nearly so, of water, and which lies across the main road over against -my premises. I can not give the old crone’s language, nor could she -probably give the real language of the parties in action, for it was -undoubtedly Dutch; nor can I convey an idea of her halting, though -impressive manner; but the story, having come direct through the -broomstick fraternity, is doubtless true in every particular, and may be -entitled - - - LIVE-GEESE FEATHERS. - - -On the sloping bank near that little pond there dwelt, ages ago, an old -man and his wife. The situation was pleasant, and would have been -handsome--for the trees were more numerous then than now--if the edge of -the bank had been covered with its natural sod; but the trampling of -geese and ducks had long ago worn away the vegetation to the bare earth. -The water was not over clear, and the scum that here and there floated -about, innoxious as it might be to the feathered tribes, was not -agreeable to the human eye. In fact, the pond would have been -unceremoniously termed a duck-pond, although it was mainly appropriated -to geese. Yes, the old man and his wife made their daily bread by -raising geese. Not only did the old fellow count upon the sale of the -goose for food, but several times a year did he pluck the feathers; and -on a large sign, in whitish though somewhat weather-worn letters, he -had inscribed “LIVE-GEESE FEATHERS.” - -The truth must be told, as it always should, and old Marrott had for -twenty years, four times a year, cruelly plucked their feathers from the -living geese. With the most unfeeling barbarity, he put them to awful -tortures, tearing from their reeking bodies the natural covering--and -all that he and his wife might not starve. How diabolical must have been -the wretch! Little did he heed the poor creatures when their cries, -plainly as words, begged and implored mercy; little did he pause when, -finding remonstrance vain, they made violent struggles to escape, and -flapped their wings, and dashed themselves about; little remorse did his -merciless heart experience provided the feathers were numerous and of -good quality; and if two or three died from the torture and exposure, -what did he care, provided he could sell their remains for food. Was it -not a wonder that he had been permitted to carry on his inhuman practice -so long? But his punishment came at last. - -Among his flock was one, aged and venerable, that he had owned from the -very beginning, and which had been plucked upward of eighty times. In -his earlier days that gander had struggled, and cried, and besought -like the others, but in time he had come to passive endurance, although -there was a peculiar fire in his eye, that, if Marrott had noticed, -would have quickened even his dull sense. He had been a noble-looking -bird--the lord of the flock--but age and ill usage had worn him away to -a huge gaunt skeleton. His body was in many places bare, the feathers -had been plucked so often; his proud step had fallen away to an awkward -shuffle, and, but for the gleam of his eye, no one would have dreamed he -had once been a king of birds, so sorry was his plight. The plucking -season had almost come round again, and already the geese--for long -experience had accustomed them to the time--began to tremble in their -feathers; already they had serious thoughts of rebellion or flight, and -their loud cackling whenever their master appeared very clearly evinced -their terror. - -One night Mother Marrott had gone to the market with a number of eggs to -sell, and had left the old man alone. She was not to be back till next -day--for it was a long journey to the city in those times, before -railroads were invented, and when the traveler had no horse--and, as her -husband sat in the evening by the faint, flickering light of the tallow -candle, the most painful apprehensions took possession of what must be -called his mind. Strange ghost and goose like sounds passed round and -round the old house. Ever and anon from the poultry-yard came curious -low noises, as of suppressed conversational cackling, and the wind -sighed with a hissing sound, while his shadow fell in all sorts of odd -and uncouth shapes upon the wall, as little like himself and much like a -goose as could be. In fact, it seemed as though there was the dim -outline of a goose trying to conceal itself in his shadow. He was afraid -to look at it fairly, but he could see from the corner of his eye that -it was something uncommon. There was but one refuge--bed; he hastened to -undress, but his clothes had never before made such objection to being -taken off. He was afraid to pull his shirt over his head--he was -confident it would catch round his throat--so he left it on. Amid his -trepidation he resolved to keep the light burning; but, just as he went -to snuff it, an audible hiss resounded from the chimney corner, and in -an instant he snuffed it out. Then he leaped into bed, and hid his head -below the bedclothes, glad of the refuge. - -There he lay still, while his heart beat so loud that it seemed to shake -the room. The unusual noises increased even above its beating, and still -more ominous sounds were heard. The windows rattled, the door creaked, -the fire crackled, the wind whistled. Horror on horrors! the door -opened! unquestionably it swung open, and the cold night air rushed in. -For a moment afterward all was silent, then pat, pat, pat went little -feet across the floor. Yes, above the rattling and the creaking could -his sharpened senses detect the unearthly tread of those little -feet--pat, pat, pat. They seemed now to pause before the fire. Pat, pat, -pat, they walk to the window. Then pat, pat, pat, they approached the -bed. Old Marrott shivered, but it was not with cold this time; old -Marrott shrank down, but it was not to avoid the night air. - -He hoped he would escape observation; but no; there was a rustle, and -something rested on the bed. The old man’s breath came thick and fast. -Suddenly the covers were dragged from off him, and as he sprang up to a -sitting posture a fearful sight met his eyes. There, upon the foot of -the bed, stood the old gander, with one end of the bedclothes in his -mouth. There he stood, grim and silent, and now the old man saw but too -plainly the revengeful glow of his piercing eye. Around and behind him -were feathers--millions of feathers--the same that had been plucked from -him during his long life. They had all arrived for that night of -vengeance. Some had come from ladies’ beds and some from lawyers’ -desks, some from lovers’ hands and some from gluttons’ teeth. There they -were floating to and fro in the air, and awaiting the orders of their -parent, the gander. - -The gander looked sternly at the trembling culprit, who clasped his -hands and tried to think of a prayer; but his prayers had been forgotten -long ago. Then it stretched out its neck till its head was close to his, -and it uttered a low hiss. That hiss had the sound of a human voice. But -what was the old man’s dread and fright when the goose drew back and -commenced to speak as follows: - -“For this many and many a year,” he said, and his voice had plainly a -foreign accent, “I have lived within your power. I have endured all the -cruelties your malice could inflict. What excuse have you to offer?” - -The old man’s teeth chattered so that he could scarcely reply, while a -fresh-sharpened pen from a merchant’s hand started forward and enforced -the question with a deep thrust. - -“Oh! oh!” screamed poor Marrott, his wits on the stretch; “I only did it -to get my living.” - -“What! Hard-hearted man! could you not have stripped us after death, -instead of torturing us while alive?” and then three quills fell upon -him, and came away dyed in his blood. - -“Oh, mercy! I could not obtain enough feathers that way,” replied -Marrott, scarcely conscious of what he was saying. - -“Was it avarice, then? Is that your explanation? Do you imagine that an -excuse which rather aggravates your crime?” and a dozen feathers -enforced the gander’s words, amid the cries of the miserable victim. - -[Illustration] - -“Every one does the same!” he shrieked in his agony. - -“If every one else is cruel, is that a reason you should be? Ought you -not rather to have drawn a better moral from their vicious example?” and -again the plumes plunged into his flesh, for he was but little protected -against such an attack. - -“Oh, murder! murder! The feathers of dead geese are not worth as much as -those of live,” he cried out, the torture getting the better of his -prudence. - -This answer was too unfeeling for the gander and his followers to -endure. They dashed, one and all, upon the old man, who leaped from the -bed and took to flight. They followed, and now, when they plunged into -his body, the feathers remained sticking there. They pursued him round -the yard, while he fought with his arms, and cried, and begged, much as -the geese had flapped, and fluttered, and cackled before. The rest of -the flock joined in the hunt, and bit the flesh from his bare legs, and -beat him with their wings, till the old man sank in a swoon. Then they -spread their wings, and soared far, far out of sight. - -Next day, when Dame Marrott returned, what was her astonishment to find -the house-door open, and to see her husband’s clothes scattered about -upon the floor, while he was nowhere to be found. She called, but there -was no answer. The place seemed unusually silent, and there was no noise -from the fowls. She went to the poultry-yard; no geese were to be seen. -She called them, as if to be fed; they did not come. She began to -search, and then she found one poor goose stretched upon the ground, -bloody and half dead. What did it mean? She took him up and carried him -in, to revive him by the fire. Little did she dream that she bore her -husband in her arms. She rubbed and caressed him till he came to -himself, and then, for the first, did the old man know what had befallen -him. He was changed to a gander; he tried to speak--a loud hiss alone -issued from his mouth. He tried to gesticulate--he could only flap his -wings. He walked hastily up and down; he pulled at the dame’s frock, who -was now busied with other things, and he thrust his bill in her lap, -till she, alarmed at such proceedings, drove him from the house. How -miserable was now his lot! how sorely he repented of his past -wickedness! He approached other geese of the neighbors, but they either -fled from him, or fell upon and beat him. He was compelled to remain -solitary and miserable, with no one to whom he could confide his -sorrows. - -But the worst was to come. His wife, after wondering what had become of -her husband, concluded that “he was such an old goose he had got drowned -in the creek;” and, as it was plucking-time, and she had nothing else to -divert her mind, she determined to pluck the only one of the flock -remaining. Oh, what dreadful torments did the poor gander endure, and -from the hands of her he loved! How he shrieked! how he struggled! What -agonizing efforts he made to speak, but in vain! The old woman, only too -well accustomed to her business, held him fast, and tore out feather -after feather; and, although she thought more blood than usual flowed -from the wounds, she did not worry herself about that. It was now his -turn to endure those tortures he had so often inflicted--tortures -tenfold increased from the greater tenderness of his flesh. When the -task was finished, he lay bleeding, and agonized, and scarce able to -move. He waddled slowly down to the pond, and the cool water assuaged -his wounds. But what was his dread, and his wife’s delight, when he saw -his feathers growing again with astounding rapidity! In two weeks they -were quite large, and in two more he was in condition to pluck again. -What a life was before him, to be doomed every month to excruciating -sufferings, and that from one who was mourning for her husband at every -pang she gave him. - -But the dame grew rich. In her one goose she had an exhaustless -treasure. He cost little to keep, and the more she plucked, the more -there was for next month. She built a new house, and then, forgetting -her husband, ideas of a fresh marriage suggested themselves to her. -There was a young man soon found to marry her for her wealth, and what -was her old husband’s misery to think that his torments purchased her a -new bridegroom! But this husband was a worthless fellow, much given to -drink, and, in a fit of intoxication, he killed the old goose, from -which all their luxuries flowed. Poverty came upon them, and, ere long, -the dame had no feathers to sell, and was forced to dispose of her house -and her land, pond included, and to take down the sign of - - - “LIVE-GEESE FEATHERS.” - -Whether this story is positively and literally true, I can not say of my -own knowledge, not having been born till one or more centuries after it -is supposed to have happened; but there are many pieces of corroborative -evidence that go to maintain its entire accordance with fact. Whether -the geese really spoke is to be doubted, and the conversation may have -been merely a dream--the effect of a bad supper on a worse -conscience--but that they flew away can not be questioned, for the pond -is there, and I have visited it often, and never saw a goose near it. It -is well known that feathers are plucked from the living geese, and, as -the sign is no longer up, it is fair to presume it must have been taken -down. So, with the foundation of the pond, which still exists, to start -upon, and with the absence of the sign and the admitted probability of -the geese, we have a strong case without the positive assertion of my -informant, who insisted she had been there, and whom I shrewdly -suspected to be Dame Marrott herself, converted by glamourie from a -Dutch vrow into an Irish crone. As this legend lends a double charm and -greatly-enhanced value to the property in the neighborhood of the pond, -the interests of my five acres and their owner could not permit it to be -lost. - - - - -CHAPTER XV. - -NUISANCES, INHUMAN AND HUMAN.--PETS--THE CHARM OF COUNTRY LIFE. - - -“Musquitoes! You’ll never be troubled with them. You may be surprised to -hear it, but musquitoes at Flushing never come into the house. They will -often be plenty outside, but they disappear the moment your foot touches -the piazza. Another strange thing about them is, that they may be -abundant in the grass, and, as you walk through, may rise up in -thousands, but they seem to be frightened at man, and fly away at once -without waiting to bite. It is my opinion they get some other kind of -food, and are too well supplied to overcome the instinctive animal -repugnance to a human being.” - -Thus remarked Weeville, in his usual enthusiastic way over every thing -that “lives, moves, or has its being” in or about Flushing, and no one -who heard him could doubt for a moment his firm conviction in the entire -accuracy of his statements. Historic truth, however, compels me to -admit that his views were not entirely borne out by experience; for, -although Flushing musquitoes have amiable tempers for musquitoes, they -do occasionally bite. - -But if the musquitoes are not bad in this delectable spot, another -torment exists, which, in spite of learned arguments proving its utility -to man, is certainly trying--flies are occasionally abundant. Now it may -be that flies are great scavengers, and save us from epidemics, and -noxious smells, and dangerous vapors, and that their presence is a sure -indication of a healthy locality; but in the early morning, when one is -in bed, enjoying that most enjoyable season for sleep--the forbidden -hours between sunrise and eight o’clock--two or three hundred flies -buzzing about, alighting on one’s face, crawling into one’s nostrils, -tickling every inch of exposed skin, are aggravating enough. In saying -two or three hundred, I do not wish to be understood as positively -confining myself to that number for the reputation of the place and the -salability of my five acres of lots. I wish to avoid exaggerating, and -there may have been two or three thousand. - -After they had routed me out of bed at an hour when there was nothing -whatever to do--for the daily papers can not be obtained in Flushing -before - -[Illustration] - -half past seven o’clock--they pursued me all day long. They crawled into -the cream, they scalded themselves to death in my coffee, they clambered -over the butter, dragging their greasy legs heavily and slowly; they -planted themselves on my paper if I tried to write; they filled up my -inkstand and clogged the ink; they scratched in my hair, selecting the -tenderest and least thickly covered spots, and always returning to them -after being frightened away; and when, exhausted with loss of rest and -worn out with their attacks, I endeavored to take a nap, they fell upon -me and banished sleep from my eyes. - -“Flies!” said Weeville, when he heard of my miseries; “why do you not -kill them off? I used to be troubled with them, but I bought some of the -gray fly-paper--Berensohn’s lightning-killer--and soon brought matters -to an issue. The very first day we killed forty or fifty, and the girl -swept them up in the kitchen by tea-cups full: the supply was not equal -to the demand, and I have not been waked by a fly since. What a comfort -it is to sleep through the morning in peace, and not a single buzz!” - -Before night I had the famous death-dealer, and, according to -directions, set it out in saucers, covered with a little water, and -watched complacently, and with somewhat of an about-to-be-gratified -revengeful feeling in my breast, for the result. I waited and waited; -the flies buzzed, and crawled, and tickled, but not one went near the -fatal saucer; in every part of the room were they except in that spot. -They crawled up and down the walls, they perched on the ceiling, they -committed suicide in the water-pitcher, they collected in masses on the -crumbs lying about, and chased one another around in playful and amatory -mood, but touch that saucer they did not. I moved it from place to -place, and set it near where they were thickest, but they only flew -hurriedly away with louder buzz, as much as to say, “Get out with your -old fly-killer.” In a rage, I caught some and threw them into the -poisoned chalice, but they whisked out again with a shake of their -wings, and went off as diabolically busy and buzzy as ever. I poured out -some of the water, fearing the attraction was too much diluted; then, -finding that that did not answer, I added an extra quantity, but the -result was the same. The only part of the room entirely free from flies -was the neighborhood of the fly-paper. I was in despair till a happy -thought struck me: taking two of the sheets, which are conveniently -stuck together at the edges, I laid them over my face and composed -myself to sleep. The effect was magical. Not a fly came near me, and my -nap was deliciously unbroken. - -Next day, Weeville, on hearing my account, abused me because I had not -put some sugar in the water; but, as sugar was not mentioned in the -direction, it is hardly to be expected a person would divine its -necessity. With that addition, the paper afterward killed flies enough; -but, unfortunately, the sugar attracted ten where the poison killed one, -and recourse was finally had to nets, which kept the breeze and the -flies out together. - -I have said that Patrick, among his other acquisitions for our second -year’s operations, had obtained two pups and two kittens. This was with -a view to the extermination of the rats and mice that ate our oats and -danced nocturnal jigs in the partitions and ceilings of the house. As -Patrick explained it, he wanted the dogs to catch the rats, and the cats -to catch the mice, which was certainly a fair division of labor; but the -former evidently considered that they were merely designed to carry into -practice one link in the story of the “House that Jack Built,” and -devoted their time mainly to worrying the latter. Whether the pups would -have caught rats or the kittens mice is hard to tell, as they were -altogether too busy worrying or being worried to devote much attention -to the chase, and many was the battle waged between the belligerents. -The entire science of strategy could be learned from studying the -conduct of this feline and canine war, and I have always believed that -Grant and Lee had both gone to the cats and dogs to acquire their -knowledge. Felis, being the weaker, retires behind her intrenchment of -boxes or chairs, and takes advantage of the natural defenses of corners -and holes, while canis, being driven to the attack, exhausts his -ingenuity in endeavoring to turn his opponent’s flank, or to inveigle -her from her intrenchments. I called my dogs Gran and Sher (it seemed -almost sacrilegious to copy the names literally), and the cats Lee and -John. - -Gran was a bull-dog, although not of quite pure blood, and my conscience -troubled me somewhat on that score; but his grip was most tenacious, and -no punishment could make him “sing out;” while Sher was a full-blooded -Scotch terrier, as ugly as possible, but a sly little fellow, great on -unexpected attacks, and dodging in on exposed places. Apart from his -permanent battle with the kittens, and a most inveterate dislike to boys -and beggars, Gran was the gentlest of dogs. He would beg for his dinner, -and would howl out his affection if asked whether he loved his master -and simultaneously offered a piece of sugar, of which he was -extravagantly fond. His countenance was expressive of the strongest -devotion, and his curly tail had a kindly wag for all his acquaintances. -But let a dirty boy appear--and Flushing abounds with this nuisance--or -let a beggar attempt to enter the front gate, and Gran went into a -paroxysm of rage; his hair bristled up, his tail straightened and became -twice its natural thickness, and his eyes glared with the wildest fury. -If the offending party carried a bag, his fate was sealed, and many was -the time that I had to rush out and interpose to save some tramp from -the fate of the gentleman mentioned in Scripture, whose flesh was eaten -by dogs. On these occasions Sher was true to himself; and while Gran -rushed headlong on the enemy, he would suddenly bounce out from under a -bush, or slip round through the fence, and make a diversion in the rear. -My dogs were soon a terror to the neighborhood, and a much more -effectual protection than patting the children on their heads. To be -sure, there were a few drawbacks to set off these advantages. It was -difficult to keep any work-people round the place; and I had to pay for -a pair of pantaloons that my painter left principally in Gran’s mouth -ere he could escape up his ladder when a sudden attack caught him -unprepared. - -There was but one matter in which the kittens and pups all four agreed, -and that was to steal whatever they had the slightest fancy for. Milk -was the weakness of the kittens, and, provided they could discover any -unguarded pan, a truce was declared, and friend and foe united in -foraging upon their master. On such occasions they were content to drink -together from the same dish in the most amicable way, although the -moment the feast was exhausted the cats fled to their intrenchments, -without so much as cleaning their whiskers, and hostilities were -renewed. The pups preferred meat, and great was the genius exhibited by -Sher in obtaining it surreptitiously. He would pretend he was asleep, -waiting till the cook’s back was turned; or he would ostentatiously go -out of the door, and then, slipping back, hide and watch his -opportunity. When he obtained it he always divided with Gran, and a bone -would occasionally alternate half a dozen times between them ere it was -exhausted. - -Their playful moods were their most destructive; digging holes was one -of their chief pastimes. Why they dug holes I never could imagine; they -neither buried nor discovered any hidden treasure; but they worked away -with a zeal and patience that would have been most praiseworthy if -properly applied. Some of my favorite “herbaceous” plants, as Bridgeman -calls them, were rooted up, and my grass-plot--one which I had laid out -in a beautiful oval beneath our solitary cedar, and had planted with the -most delicate lawn-grass--was fairly honeycombed with burrows. At first -I filled these holes and restored my plants, but the pups only seemed to -regard this as a challenge to their industry, and immediately proceeded -to dig them up again; so I was compelled to let them have their way, -although it gave rather a strange appearance to the place, and left an -impression that a family of prairie-dogs resided there. - -The pups were particularly fond of roaming round the flower garden. When -the seeds had pushed their delicate sprouts above ground, I used to walk -through the neatly-boxed paths, and admire the thriving way in which -every thing was growing. The pups invariably watched for such occasions, -and rushed toward me in an apparent burst of affection, bounding up and -down over the beds, and dancing with delight on my frailest seedlings. -If I took no notice of them, they seized one another by the ears, and, -thus coupled, rushed about, sweeping away the flowers in their course; -if I scolded them, Sher slipped into the nearest bush, and, lying down -in the centre, watched my actions with a wary eye, while Gran, on the -other hand, came directly to me, and, seating himself on a bed, looked -me honestly and affectionately in the face, while his wagging tail swept -away the sprouting plants by dozens. - -Sher was particularly fond of a gilia; its delicate leaves seemed to -please him both as a bed and a hiding-place, and he soon rolled the life -out of it; if I charged upon him, he fled, taking refuge in some other -bushy plant; and when I did catch him, he would not walk, but insisted -upon being dragged in a most destructive manner from off the bed. If I -took hold of Gran he retained his sitting posture, which was almost -equally injurious. I soon found my only plan was to match my cunning -against theirs, and, the moment they appeared, to rush out of the -garden, calling them “good dogs,” which was a falsehood of the blackest -dye, and pretending I was ready for a romp. By this means they would be -induced to follow me with great hilarity, and occasionally forget to go -back; but I lost much of my enjoyment of the garden. - -When not busy with the flowers, they devoted themselves to the -vegetables; Gran was delighted with hunting “hop-toads,” as children -call them, and as these abounded in our five acres, and were -particularly fond of hiding in the water-melon patch, he hunted it over -and over again, fairly plowing it up with his nose, crushing the vines, -tearing the leaves to pieces, and breaking off the fruit. If he had -killed the toads his proceedings might have come to an end with the -exhaustion of the game; but he was too tender-hearted for this, and only -pushed them with his nose to make them jump. He pursued this exciting -sport till the water-melons were almost ruined, while Sher devoted -himself mainly to hiding under the okras or among the carrots, and -darting out at any passers-by in a playful mood. In the course of his -strategic movements he broke down most of the brittle okras, and -trampled rows of string-beans into the earth. - -They had seen Patrick chase the chickens from the garden, and, having -constituted themselves his adjutants, proceeded to keep the sacred -precincts clear of these unholy intruders. Never would a wandering -pullet or youthful rooster step within the fatal bounds but the two dogs -would dart out with loud yelps, and would frequently follow her or him, -naturally bewildered, and not knowing which way to escape, several times -round the garden, over the beds and through the vegetables, doing more -harm in five minutes than an entire brood of chickens would do in a -month. It was in vain that we endeavored to explain to them that zeal -was dangerous; and their manner of self-congratulation, and of demanding -approval when they had finally succeeded in ejecting the trespasser, -disarmed blame or correction. - -There was one idiosyncrasy in Patrick’s mind--he never could punish an -animal. If the pups destroyed an entire bed, or broke down a dozen -plants, he would only utter an exclamation or two of horror and -reproach, and then add, apologetically, “Ah! the poor bastes do not know -any better.” This threw the duty of correction upon my shoulders, and I -never was a subscriber to that horrible doctrine that punishment must -not be inflicted in anger. There is something fiendish in a person -nursing up his wrath, and then, with deliberate cruelty, venting it upon -child or pet who has been trembling for hours with dread anticipation. -When the pups had dug up some favorite and expensive plant, or crushed -my only plantation of some pet seed, and when I was naturally in a -towering rage, I could fall upon them and drive them howling to some -secret place of safety; but when, after an hour’s delay had dissipated -my passion, Gran would approach with deprecating wag and loving smile, -and Sher, following more cautiously, would lick his hairy chops in a -contrite way, it went against my very nature to beat them. Therefore, -although the pups met with some cuffs, and occasionally received the -blow of a well-directed stone, they were not punished with absolute -regularity, had it a good deal their own way with the place and its -surroundings, and inflicted no little damage upon the growing crops. - - - - -CHAPTER XVI. - -BUTTER-MAKING.--SEEDS AND THE DEVIL. - - -There is one advantage about the country that gives it a great -superiority over the town. In it you have every thing so fresh--fresh -vegetables, fresh milk, fresh eggs, fresh poultry, and fresh butter. You -always feel sure that nothing is old or stale. We had not yet tried -making butter, but the other articles we had enjoyed in their pristine -excellence, although some ignorant visitors from the city pretended that -all of those which were sold in the Flushing stores were brought from -the New York markets. I had been accustomed to buying butter in the -village, but the Flushing farmers do not seem to have the knack of -making fresh butter. My purchases had not been altogether satisfactory, -and occasionally I obtained a rancid conglomeration of fatty matter that -was far from inviting. When more than ordinarily disgusted, I had -brought a supply home from Fulton Market, where it was to be had both -better and cheaper; but as my friends, who met me in the cars, -invariably inquired what I had in my tin kettle, and wanted to know -whether I had gone out for a day’s work and taken my dinner-pail along, -I grew ashamed, and determined thereafter to make my own butter. - -To say that I was utterly unacquainted with butter-making was simply to -admit that I had been born and reared in the city; and, except for some -early reminiscences of an enthusiastic youth passing his summer amid -rural pleasures, and helping the tired and rosy-cheeked dairy-maid, 1 -knew nothing whatever on the subject, and did not even know in what -scientific work to look for the needful instruction, as nothing -satisfactory was to be found in “Bridgeman” or “Ten Acres Enough.” A -churn was to be used, that was clear; but whether the milk was churned -or the cream, or how long it required, or what other mysteries were -involved, I could not tell. - -The first necessity, therefore, was to have a churn, and to obtain this -I stopped in at one of the numerous stores in and near Fulton Street, -where agricultural implements are sold. I inquired falteringly if they -had churns for sale, not being certain that these came under that -designation, and a good deal confused at the mass of curious implements -and wonderful pieces of mechanism which were scattered about. - -“Certainly,” said the polite clerk; “we might say that we have the only -churn, properly so called, for it alone does the work as it should be -done. You probably know,” he continued, as he led the way up stairs -toward the fourth story, “the scientific principles which govern the -rapid production of butter. The oxygen of the air is brought in -immediate contact with the oleaginous particles of the milk, the lactic -acid is developed, the curd and whey are separated, and the butter is -crystallized, so to speak. Here,” he said at last, when we had reached -the highest floor, and, after conducting me between a hundred strange -and complex machines, stopped before one that more nearly resembled a -modern ice-cream freezer than any thing else, with the addition of a -crank and a few extra cog-wheels, “here is the Patent Duplex Elliptic -Milk Converter, the only true and perfect churn. You pour the milk -in”--[ah! thought I to myself, it is the milk that is churned, after -all]--“you turn this handle; by a simple arrangement of multiplying -cogs, the dasher is revolved at great speed, the air is distributed -through every part of the mass, and brought in contact with every -molecule composing it. The lactic acid is generated--but I need not -explain further to one who evidently understands the subject so -thoroughly as yourself.” - -“Is there no danger of the machine’s getting out of order?” I inquired -mildly, not, however, disclaiming the compliment, and much impressed by -this display of thorough scientific attainment on the part of my -informant. - -“None whatever. Observe the dasher.” - -With that he jerked off the cover and lifted out the part referred to. - -“It is armed with flanges, which revolve between the projecting knives, -or plates, fastened to the sides of the tub. They thoroughly agitate the -milk, which is thrown from one to the other, and never allowed to rest. -The effects are truly wonderful. The exertion is the minimum; the -results are the maximum. No more sour cream; no more rancid butter. A -child can produce a pound of butter from a quart of milk in the short -space of a minute and a half.” - -By this time, between the revolving of the wheels and the man’s -incomprehensible conversation, I was in a dazed state, and may not -remember accurately his statements. I was only clear on one point, and -that was that the Duplex Elliptic Milk Converter, although evidently the -perfection of science, was too grand for my wants. - -“Have you nothing simpler?” I inquired, faintly. - -“Nothing can be simpler,” was the decided response; “here you have a -crank; there, a few iron wheels; inside, the dasher. The price is -moderate; one that would do the work of a dairy would be only fifty -dollars. That amount could be saved in a summer.” - -“I should like to inquire farther,” I hastily answered; and, hurrying -down stairs, in spite of remarks about acids and oxygen, nitrogen, -caseine, and a dozen other scientific compounds, I escaped from the -store. There is always a dreadful feeling of shame connected with not -purchasing when one enters a store and asks for an article. It seems as -though you were getting credit and making a display on false pretenses. -The manner of the attendant suggests a doubt of your honesty, and any -little compliments he may have paid you are manifestly taken back at -once, and contempt usurps the place of esteem. - -After pausing to recover my breath and my courage, I entered the nearest -place of a similar character and made the same inquiry. - -“Yes, sir; we have a churn of a most approved and successful -description. There,” he continued, as the clerk brought me face to face -with a still stranger-looking machine, more like the walking-beam of a -steam-engine than my early recollections of a churn, “there you have -simplicity itself. In it you go back to first principles. You wind up a -spring--” - -“A spring!” I exclaimed. - -“Undoubtedly. No one thinks of using manual power in these times. The -dashers are secured to each end of this bar, and as one rises while the -other falls, there is no loss from the attraction of gravitation. We -call this the Hippo-opticon.” - -“The Hippo-opticon, did you say?” I inquired, wonderingly. - -“Yes; the name is derived from two Greek words, _hippo_, a horse, and -_opticon_, sight; because it has the strength of a horse and the eye of -intelligence. It works without care or superintendence. When once -started it runs of itself. The cream--” - -“The cream!” I muttered to myself, having supposed that I had just -discovered that milk was churned. - -“The cream is placed in these two receptacles; the dashers fall -regularly and slowly.” - -“Slowly!” I exclaimed, still more surprised, remembering the praises I -had heard of excessive speed. - -“Churning must be done slowly; that is the best established law. There -must be deliberation and regularity.” - -“What is your opinion,” I inquired, “of the Patent Duplex Elliptic Milk -Converter?” - -“Then you have seen that worthless contrivance! It could not have -deceived an experienced farmer like yourself. Why, that whirligig is the -most utterly useless affair conceivable. It is forever out of order; the -flanges bend, the cogs break. Whatever you do, don’t buy that. In ours -you have primitive simplicity and perfect security.” - -At this point a brilliant idea entered my mind, and, taking my departure -without even waiting to ask the price of this wonderful invention, I -hurried back to the first store. Thrusting my head in at the door, and -not daring to advance farther lest I should be overwhelmed by a second -avalanche of learned terms, I inquired of the smiling clerk, who -evidently saw the certainty of a customer in my return, what he thought -of the Hippo-opticon. - -“The Hippo-opticon!” he laughed; “that old fogy concern that winds up -with a spring? My opinion simply is that it will never make butter at -all. It never has yet, and it never will. They could not humbug a -gentleman of your discernment with that attempt to return to the -antiquated days of our forefathers. The Patent Duplex--” - -“Thank you!” I shouted, as I slammed to the door, and fled without -waiting to hear farther. The selection of a churn was evidently an -intricate matter. It was a practical affair, in which intellectual -research would not help me, and recourse must be had to Weeville. As -soon as I returned to the country I sent for him, and inquired which was -the proper churn to use, and what was the proper thing to put in it. - -“Well,” he said, deliberately, “the art of making butter is yet in its -infancy; the principles that control it are not fully understood. Great -cleanliness is a prime requisite; the dairy must be well ventilated; -electricity is very injurious. In Switzerland they do not allow women to -take part in any of the operations, even in milking the cows, on account -of their possessing more electricity than men.” - -“Oh!” I broke forth in despair, “I give it up; it is altogether too -complicated a matter--” - -“Nonsense,” said Weeville, suddenly recovering himself; “the -old-fashioned ordinary churn is the best; I will send you one. You must -use cream, and there is no difficulty so long as proper regard is paid -to cleanliness.” - -With that he left me. His suggestions about electricity were alarming. I -had often felt the electrical power of the female sex. I had received -many dangerous shocks from them; the touch even of their hands had -often produced palpitations and electrical phenomena of the strangest -kind. There could be no anticipating what might be the result if the -cream was affected by their presence. While I was hesitating what to do, -I suddenly thought of Patrick. There was nothing electrical about him. -He might be dirty--his hands and face usually were--but there was no -other danger. He was called at once, and told to milk the cow himself in -future, and be sure to wash his hands and face first; to which -directions he gave a surprised assent, wondering, no doubt, at the -sudden interest his master evinced in his personal appearance. I took -charge of the dairy myself, to exclude all possibility of electrical -phenomena, and skimmed the cream carefully. Cushy had been falling off -lately for some incomprehensible reason, having done so well for -eighteen months; and when, at the end of a week, the churn arrived, it -seemed ludicrously large for the small bowlful of cream that had been -collected--not much more than a pint in all. Patrick, when I called upon -him to wash his hands and set to work, burst forth with the astonished -inquiry, - -“Sure yer honor does not want me to churn that little speck ov crame in -this big tub. It would get lost intirely.” - -[Illustration] - -“But, Patrick,” I replied, “this cream must be churned at once.” This -conclusion was not any deduction of science, although it was announced -in an authoritative tone, intended to impress Patrick with my vast -experience and thorough knowledge of the subject. To state how I arrived -at my opinion, it is sufficient to say that my nose assured me of it. -The weather was warm, and the dairy was merely a closet in the cellar, -springs and brooks not being numerous in my territory. - -“Well, then, yer honor, let me make a nate little churn out ov a -ginger-pot there is in the cellar, with the lid ov a salt-box for -dasher, and the piece ov a broom for handle. That will be the doin’ ov -it.” - -“Just as you please, Patrick,” I answered, entirely convinced of the -inadequacy of the cream to the occasion; “only be sure and make me a -good article.” - -“Indade and I will do that same, and I’m sure yer honor will be mightily -plased. Let me aloon for that.” - -Shortly after, Patrick produced a queer-looking extemporized churn that, -although odd enough in appearance, was manifestly better adapted to the -emergency than the enormous affair that Weeville had sent me, apparently -supposing that I was about to set up a public dairy. I expected a friend -to dinner that day, and gave especial directions that the results of the -churning were to come on the table as a surprise to my guest. - -When the dinner was served, I was delighted with the whiteness of the -fresh butter, that spoke so well for its purity. Without saying a word, -I helped my friend liberally, and then awaited the result. How I -enjoyed, by anticipation, his enjoyment of so rare a delicacy! I could -scarcely wait for him to taste it before explaining how it was obtained. -He looked at it curiously, then spread some on his bread and tried it, -then ate the bread without. Hastily taking a piece and tasting it, I no -longer wondered at his conduct, but, turning to the maid, sternly -demanded how she dare put such stuff on the table. - -“Oh, never mind,” said my friend; “these things will happen in the -country, where you do not have any markets to go to. I often taste bad -butter when I am out of town, although not often so bad as this; but I -can do without very well.” - -When dinner was over, I visited my man, and inquired of him, rather -reproachfully than angrily, - -“Patrick, what was that you made? Was it cheese, or was it butter? It -was very bad as either; but which was it?” - -“Sure, yer honor,” he replied, scratching his head, “I don’t rightly -know meself; but the crame was spoilt intirely, and I did the best I -could.” - -“Patrick,” I answered, “I am afraid you are electrical, after all.” - -This attempt was but a sort of interlude, and I kept my mind mainly on -the various productions of the earth. - -“Weeville,” I said one day, in early fall, when the first cold snap had -thrown a tinge of brown over much of my garden, “how do you manage to -collect the flower-seeds for use next spring?” - -“Why, my dear boy,” he replied, gayly, “that is easy enough: dry them a -little, put them in bags labeled, and set them aside in a dry place, -where the mice can not get at them to make a daily meal at your -expense.” - -“I do not refer to that part; the books on gardening speak of that, but -they give no directions for gathering the seed. I have studied -Bridgeman, Rand, and the rest of them, but they nowhere tell you when or -how to collect the seed.” - -“My dear fellow, you surely would not expect Bridgeman to tell you how -to save seeds; that is his occupation, and a pretty fool he would be to -let out all the secrets of his trade.” - -“Then he had no business to write on gardening,” I added, earnestly; for -I have an immense idea of duty, and a high standard for the obligations -of authorship; “a man who publishes a book, and retains any knowledge on -the subject of which he treats for his own purposes, is a scoundrel and -a cheat; he is false--” - -“Now, now,” interrupted Weeville, soothingly, “don’t get on your high -horse; remember human nature. A pretty notion it would have been if -Bridgeman had enabled all his customers to do without him, and perhaps -set up in the seed-business themselves.” - -“I can only say, then, that he had no right to take upon himself the -honors of authorship; there is no justification for his assuming the -place of instructor when he was merely a self-seeker. His book, then, is -simply an advertisement.” - -“Call it what you please, but do not get excited. Borrow his catalogues, -which contain much useful information, and for which he charges nothing, -but do not abuse a hard-working man, striving to get ahead in the -world.” - -“Very well, then. To come back to my difficulties--I want to know when I -am to gather the seeds; they only ripen in small quantities, and, if -left, are scattered and lost.” - -“Oh, you must watch your chance; stick to it; ‘here a little, and there -a little;’ do not be impatient.” - -“The pods of phlox burst the moment they turn yellow, and, ere I notice -them among the mass of those still green, they have spilled their -contents; the gilia are so small that I can not find them at all; the -mignonnette really does not seem to bear seed; and the capsules of the -portulaca have to be picked one at a time, and are so low that it almost -breaks my back to bend down to them. How is it that you manage?” - -“I never have any trouble; I go through my garden daily.” - -“To come to a point--what do you do about the phlox?” - -“You must be on the alert, and save all you can.” - -“Now, Weeville,” I said, sternly, for he was in the act of buttoning up -his coat to go, as though the discussion were over, “I do not believe -you know any thing about it.” - -“What--what--what’s that you say?” - -“I do not believe you are any better acquainted with the right mode of -gathering seeds than I am.” - -“Well,” he replied, as he went out of the door, with a pleasant smile, -“the fact is, I do generally get a new supply every year from Thorburn.” - -Before I had fully recovered from my surprise at this discovery, and -when I was remembering how, every year, the oldest farmers and gardeners -were to be seen running into the seed-stores to buy what they should -have saved if they had known how, Patrick thrust his head in at the -door. - -“Can I spake to yer honor a moment?” - -“Certainly, Patrick.” - -“And is it thrue, what Mr. Weeville says, that the devil’s been seen on -the earth?” - -“It is so alleged in the papers,” I replied, “and you know whatever is -stated there must be true.” - -“Yes, yer honor,” he answered, evidently referring in his own mind to a -temporary connection of mine with that palladium of freedom. “And sure,” -he continued, as he approached cautiously, “and what is he like?” - -“He is described as being forty feet high, spitting fire from his mouth -and nostrils, and with huge horns over his eyes.” - -“That’s awful intirely; but there’s prophecies in the Good Book that he -should be let loose on the earth, but I didn’t think it was to be quite -yet. Was it far from here that he was?” - -“Yes, more than a thousand miles.” - -“Sure and that’s pleasant, for it ain’t likely he’ll get this far.” - -“That is not so certain,” I replied, to lead him on. “He has a habit of -going up and down on the earth.” - -“But it would take him a long time to travel that distance.” - -“The devil, if it really was he, could go a thousand miles in an -instant.” - -“Could he, now? Well, I suppose he don’t go by rail, more especially -like the one that runs from New York to Flushing. Perhaps he travels on -the telegraph wires, that, they say, takes a letter along so fast you -can’t see it. Well, well, if he comes this way, all I have to say is, -he’ll get great gatherins in Flushing.” - -[Illustration] - - - - -CHAPTER XVII. - -SUCCESS OF THE YEAR. - - -The agricultural books all tell us that, at the close of the season, we -should look back and review the work that we have accomplished, -comparing it with previous results, or studying where improvements could -be effected. Our second year was certainly a great advance upon the -first, as the former might be said to have been rather a case for what -the merchants call profit and loss--all loss and no profit, so far as -actual production is concerned. The previous attempt had resulted in -raising absolutely nothing, whereas our subsequent one had raised a -great deal; we had much to show for it, although not always exactly what -we wanted. There was ample room for improvement, and there were abundant -errors manifestly requiring correction. We did not need an acre of -onions, that was perfectly clear, as the servants could consume but a -limited quantity, which fell off rapidly when they were told they could -have all they wanted, and the residue did not seem to have a positive -market value, Patrick vainly offering them at any price to every -market-man in Flushing; so it was evident that we should not require as -many the ensuing season. - -Onions are rather a pretty vegetable, and grateful for the least care. -They grow readily; in fact, like the would-be “butcher boy,” they are -bound to do it. They come up so well that they come clear up above -ground in their effort, and show their luscious yellow or white bulbs -above the surface. When these first began to swell I proceeded to earth -them over, fearing lest their nakedness should expose them to injury; -but, as the plot devoted to their service was rather large, and Patrick -utterly refused to assist me, being invariably too busy whenever I -called upon him to help cover the onions, and insisting that “they -didn’t nade it at all, at all, and that it was ruinin’ them I was -intirely,” I finally abandoned the attempt. It was some time ere my -fears for the result were removed, and the discovery made that onions -could take care of themselves. It is a pity egg-plants do not grow as -obstinately as onions; they do not, however, nor do most other good -things. - -Peas are a profitable crop--that is, if they are not dwarfs, or do not -go to leaf, as ours did; and there are many different kinds--so many -that the novice in gardening is somewhat puzzled to choose. Fortunately, -by Weeville’s advice, we had made an excellent selection, and by -changing the acre of onions into an acre of Daniel O’Rourkes we might -possibly have enough for the family. As I have mentioned before, the -O’Rourkes are not profuse bearers; it may be called a rather lucky -chance if they bear any thing but leaf, and consequently it is not in a -monetary sense that they are profitable; the benefit they confer is in -enabling one to crow over one’s city visitors. The dwarfs are not -desirable. They constituted our principal stock, and, useful as they -might be in the penance line, as edibles they compare unfavorably with -pebbles. - -We had an immense quantity of beets, and had experimented in divers ways -of cooking them. We had them boiled, baked, stuffed, and roasted, hot, -cold, pickled in vinegar, and even fried, but through it all they were -“dead beets.” I had serious ideas of trying to extract sugar from them; -but when Patrick informed me that Dandy Jim approved of their flavor, I -gave them over to his care. Our pole-beans, which are good for pork and -beans--if any Christian eats that dish and lives--were also extremely -successful. The Limas bore a few pods, but that was after we returned -to the city; Patrick, however, said they were excellent. Our spinach was -so abundant that I should have turned Cushy into it if I could have -restricted her attentions to that alone. The cucumbers were very -numerous, our cabbages innumerable, and our cauliflowers nowhere. - -It was clear that this must be changed. The Limas must be made to -emulate the pole-beans, the spinach, beets, and onions must be kept down -to proper limits, the cucumbers and cabbages must be eliminated, and the -cauliflowers encouraged. How to effect these changes, however, was not -entirely clear to my mind. - -Our corn grew remarkably well. Fresh sweet corn is a dish of which I am -particularly fond; it is luscious, healthful, and appetizing; it -contains much milk--the human being’s natural nourishment; it is -excellent boiled or roasted on the cob, stewed in milk, or mixed with -beans into succotash; even corn juice is good occasionally--but that -requires age. Patrick had planted a goodly lot of it. I watched the -stalks rise and the broad leaves spread out with infinite pleasure. The -ears formed with their long silky tops, and swelled, as they reached -maturity, like a budding maiden. It was with great anticipations that we -awaited our first meal of new corn. This was admirably cooked, and came -on the table smoking hot, each cob enveloped in its steaming green -cuticle, but somehow the taste did not prove so agreeable as we had -expected. Thinking that it might be too young, I told Patrick not to -pick any more for a day or two. The next trial was even more -unsatisfactory--it had absolutely no flavor whatever. Feeling there must -be something wrong, with sinking heart I cross-questioned Patrick, and -discovered that he did not know there was any difference between sweet -corn and the common kind, and had planted a quantity of that which he -was using for the horses. I never ascertained what became of it, but we -did not try it again on the table. - -Our asparagus was gone without redemption. The few spears that struggled -up into existence reached a partial state of forwardness; but -association with Patrick’s planting of turnips appeared to disgust them, -and they lay down and died with hardly an effort. Our trees succeeded -excellently; they were unusually large, and had cost an extra price, as -the nurseryman, when I bought them, assured me that they would bear -fruit the first year. They stood the blasts of winter bravely. In spring -they put out their leaves, and even burst into occasional flower, but -they did not go so far as bearing fruit. They appeared to have some -misunderstanding of the principal object of their existence, and did -not come up to the promise made for them on their purchase, and by them -afterward. As shade-trees they did not amount to much, and even as -ornaments they were rather thin; but as fruit-bearers they were a total -failure. - -Our strawberries had rather surpassed expectation. The first lot, it is -true, had died out, but those planted in the spring seemed to feel -called upon to redeem the good name of the race. They grew admirably, -and not only covered themselves with blossoms, but actually bore -fruit--not very luxuriantly, but much more abundantly than I had any -reason to anticipate. We had quite a bowlful of them--the red, firm, -ripe berries being a delicious contrast to the soft, faded, stale things -that are sold to us in the city. When these were picked, the vines were -still covered with green fruit, and I expected to have many a dessert -from them. I am a great admirer of strawberries--and so are chickens--in -spite of the crisp little seeds that somewhat injure them. They have -just the proper amount of acidity to render them piquant when compounded -with sufficient sugar. Raspberries are too sweet, and blackberries have -not sufficient delicacy of flavor, so that I prefer strawberries. But, -unfortunately, as I remarked above, so do chickens. - -After our first taste I visited the garden hopefully every morning, but -was much surprised to find none of the green berries become ripe. They -disappeared gradually, and I was greatly at a loss to understand the -reason. I knew that Gran was fond of strawberries, but he was an honest -dog. You might trust him with untold strawberries, and he would not -touch one without permission. He might howl for them until he would -drive his master crazy, but, although his howlings were ineffectual, he -would not steal. Sher was less trustworthy, but he did not like the acid -berries. The pigs could not get out, nor Cushy get in; so that the -diminution was a mystery to me, until, happening to rise one morning -quite early, I discovered our entire flock of chickens busy in the -strawberry-patch, and, driving them out, I noticed the remains of -several fine ripe berries. This explained the difficulty. There was no -place where we could cage the chickens; in fact, as the berries were -mostly consumed, to do so would be rather late, and I had nothing for it -but to see my favorite fruit “grow small by degrees and beautifully -less,” amid the early “clucks” of delight that thereafter suggestively -broke in upon my morning slumbers, until the entire plot was bare. - -From this adventure two deductions were to be drawn: one, that I must -plant more of these energetic vines; the other, that I must build a -chicken-coop. The latter would cost heavily, probably more than many -years’ supply of both berries and chickens; and, to save the expense of -applying to the nurseries for the former, I must encourage our own vines -to run and propagate. To effect this, when July drew toward a close, and -they put out suckers in every direction, I pinned these down with small -forked sticks, so as to compel them to take root. This was an original -idea of my own, of which I was particularly proud. Weeville ridiculed -it, saying that there would be young plants enough without that trouble; -but I determined to help Nature--which the doctors have lately -ascertained is the true principle in encouraging human plants to grow -and discouraging them from dying. The work kept me quite busy, for it -was astounding how many runners started off and how fast they ran. They -took root finely, and soon made the entire patch a mass of flourishing -plants. They grew and grew, and interlaced and twined round one another, -and, unfortunately, the weeds grew with them, till, when I undertook to -transplant them in the fall, I could not tell the old plants from the -young. This was rather unlucky; for, unless the old stools, as they are -called, were preserved, there would be but a slim crop the following -year. Nevertheless, I tried in vain to distinguish the parents from -their healthy children, and at last had to direct Patrick to dig out as -many as he wanted indiscriminately, and then to cut paths through the -residue at regular intervals, regardless of what might be in the way. -The next year will show the result, for which I was prepared to wait -with due patience. - -The second season of my life in the country having closed, and the new -year, with relaxation from agricultural pursuits, being upon us, I -proceeded to make up my annual exhibit of the result. The investments of -my previous year had not turned out well; the asparagus and strawberries -failed utterly, and my garden had been a virgin soil when it was -attacked in the spring. But this season there was every reason to be -satisfied with the result; the productions, although not exactly such as -a gourmand would prefer, were abundant; the flowers had been a grand -success, some of them far surpassing the wildest anticipations; and the -vegetables did no discredit to the soil, although they did not reflect -much honor on Patrick’s judgment. The fact had been clearly established -that there was only needed the eye and mind of the master to produce a -highly creditable result. It could not be questioned that a place which -would grow such wonderful pumpkins, and such vast expanse of onion, and -such early and abundant squashes, would also, if properly managed, be as -fertile of egg-plants, cauliflowers, and the other higher classes of -vegetables. There was no probability of my again visiting the Old World, -and I should be able to devote undivided attention to my horticultural -pursuits. - -As with the previous year, it is not an easy matter to make out the -accounts satisfactorily; there were items that were of questionable -relationship toward investment or yearly expenditure; there were kinds -of profit difficult of estimation, and, as usual, there were sundry -matters altogether forgotten. If there is any one point more important -than another in recording the experiences of an individual in any -pursuit, when these experiences are to be the guide of others, it is -absolute exactness in figures and calculations. I have, therefore, been -exceedingly careful, and devoted much consideration to every item ere it -was inserted, and I flatter myself that the following statement may be -relied upon confidently: - -INVESTMENT ACCOUNT.--DEBIT. - -Cost of premises $15,000 -Three hundred loads of fertilizer 180 -Strawberry plants 3 -New teeth 50 -Dandy Jim 450 - ------- - Total $15,683 - -INVESTMENT ACCOUNT.--CREDIT. - -Value of premises $16,000 -Dandy Jim 50 -New teeth 100 -Strawberry bed 50 - ------- - Total $16,200 - -YEARLY EXPENSES.--DEBIT. - -Asparagus $ 6 00 -Seeds 10 50 -Subscription to Skating-pond 10 00 -Damage to wagon 50 00 - ------- - Total $ 76 50 - -YEARLY RECEIPTS.--CREDIT. - -One quart of strawberries $ 50 -One hundred bushels (estimated) of onions 50 00 -Ten egg-plants 2 50 -One peck Daniel O’Rourke peas 2 00 -One thousand squashes 100 00 -Five hundred cucumbers 20 00 -One hundred pumpkins 25 00 -Five cauliflowers 2 50 -Fifty bushels of tomatoes 25 00 -Beets, beans, turnips, etc. 50 00 - ------- - Total $277 50 - -There are some items in the foregoing accounts that require explanation. -The manure was included in permanent capital, because it went into the -ground, became incorporated with it, and added just so much additional -value to it. The strawberries, having now proved successful, ceased to -be a current expense, but entered into the total cost. The new teeth -referred to are not for the rakes, as might be supposed, but for myself. -Having heretofore mentioned some of Dandy Jim’s peculiarities, I omitted -an explanation of our last association and final separation. I was not -fond of driving the gallant steed--so gallant that he usually danced -twenty feet to one side, and stood on his hind legs whenever he saw the -dress of a woman--but I was occasionally forced to make use of his -services. The train happening to give out, and being pressed to attend -to some business in town, I had him harnessed, and, with some -misgivings, commenced my journey toward the city. By great care and -discretion, I managed to make my way through the village, which he -cleared at full run, in consequence of a sudden whistle from a -locomotive attached to a dirt train; over the bridge, where he shied -from one side to the other, grazing both the wheels against the heavy -plank balustrade; along Jackson’s Avenue, where he bounced up and down -on passing every market-wagon or hay-cart; on board the ferry-boat, to -which he was only constrained by violent abuse and the physical -strength of several of the hands of the boat, and where he amused -himself by pawing steadily, and occasionally backing on the horse -directly behind, and thus causing much excitement, bad temper, and -coarse language during the entire trip; and fairly on the stone -pavements of the city streets. - -By this time I had lost all fear, having resigned myself to perfect -recklessness, like the man who, after being exposed a thousand times to -death, no longer dreads it; and I drove up Thirty-fourth Street, across -the tunnel at Fourth Avenue, and into Fifth Avenue, as though there was -no such thing as peril in my path. Down our fashionable thoroughfare I -proceeded, assuming rather a jaunty and professional air; I squared my -elbows, held my whip in my hand, taking great care not to touch Dandy -Jim, however, and looked round at the foot-passengers, as much as to -say, “I am not afraid to drive this wild animal; I do it every day.” -Unfortunately for the triumph of my assumptions, there was a piece of -paper lying directly in our path. - -Now Dandy Jim has an objection to paper, why I never could discover; but -paper, white or brown, newspaper or blank paper, leaves or letters, is -to him a thing of horror--his very soul revolts at it. It certainly -never could have done him any injury--it is, except as a vehicle of -slander, so perfectly harmless--but he seemed to hold it in abject -terror. This idiosyncracy was well known to me, but, unfortunately, my -mind was so occupied with the effect I was producing that I did not -notice the exciting cause. To aggravate the difficulty, just as we -approached the objectionable article, and when my peculiar animal might -have consented to pass by with a reasonable amount of self-restraint, a -sudden gust blew it directly under his feet. If paper was his -detestation, moving paper was a monstrosity magnified fifty fold; he -reared up on his hind legs, made one bound sideways full thirty feet, -and then, stopping suddenly, slipped on the pavement, and fell flat on -his side. - -Exactly what happened to me I never could determine. I seemed to be -flying; next I beheld a splendid coruscation of fire-works; and then I -awoke to find myself stretched at full length in the street, with a -bloody nose and a scarcity of front teeth. Dandy Jim regained his feet -more quickly than myself, ran away, smashed the wagon, as was his wont, -and wound up by getting shut in by stages and carts, when he was -ignominiously led away captive by a stalwart policeman. I gathered -myself up as well as I could, and went home in a dilapidated state. -This led to my selling Dandy Jim and buying a set of false front teeth; -the former brought precisely what it cost to pay for the latter. - -[Illustration] - -Thus it was that I overcame a prejudice that had long beset me against -the artificial productions of manufacturing dentistry. This objection -exists in the minds of many persons, although nothing can be more -unfounded. If there is any thing that is an utterly miserable failure, -it is the natural set of teeth. From almost the hour when we come into -the world, until the time when we quit it, or so long as a stump or root -remains, our teeth are a source of annoyance to us. They have to be cut, -and then pulled out, that they may “cut and come again.” As babies, we -are “never ourselves” for the cutting of our teeth; when we grow older -we wish we were any body else, from the misery they cause us. They ache, -and decay, and break; they come out when they should stay in, and stay -in when they should come out; they torture and torment us till we only -get rid of them with life itself. - -On the other hand, the artificial teeth never pain the possessor, rarely -break, and, if broken, are easily replaced; are readily cleaned, do not -fall out, but can be removed at pleasure. They are infinitely handsomer -than their ugly, irregular, uneven, discolored, and dirty prototypes. -These exquisite productions of art are made of a delicate, pearly shade -of white; they form a perfect row of well-proportioned beauty, -undistinguishable from the genuine article, their very gums matching and -closely fitting the natural flesh beneath them; they never inflict a -torturing tooth-ache, driving man crazy with pain, and keeping him -sleepless the long, dreary nights; they require no filling--an operation -that the unfortunate possessor of living teeth dreads only less than -the rack itself; and they do not have to be pulled out, with an agony -comparable to the effect of drawing the entire brain out through the -hole at the roots. - -From my experience before and since my accident, I should certainly -advise my fellow-creatures to have as little to do with real teeth as -possible, and to substitute the imitation as soon as they can. There may -be a certain amount of suffering in having teeth, and especially sound -ones, extracted, but the satisfaction of being finally rid of the -troublesome things more than pays for the temporary annoyance. A natural -set will become dirty in spite of endless scrubbing with the -tooth-brush; some are invariably longer than others; there are -projections and depressions; wherever they lap, tartar settles; inside -it is impossible to get at them at all, and they compel a half-yearly -interview with the dentist, from which one comes away greatly unnerved. -Their substitutes are a great improvement to one’s personal appearance, -and never cause the slightest inconvenience, besides saving hours in -cleaning, that, in a long life, amount to an aggregate of years. The new -teeth were so far superior to those that they replaced, that they are -valued on the credit side of the account at a hundred dollars, showing a -clear profit of one hundred per cent. In fact, I regard this discovery -as one of the most valuable, if not the very most valuable, of the -results of my country experience. - -The premises are set down at an increase of one thousand dollars, and, -if my readers had seen the difference between a bare tract of land and a -garden blooming with beauty, odorous with fragrance, and smiling with -abundance, they would have felt that the improvement was stated at too -low a rate. The strawberries are also put at a large advance upon the -prime cost; but a thriving bed of this excellent fruit, bidding fair to -supply the wants of the entire household, to gratify friends, and to -supply the place of costlier desserts, was well worth a round sum of -money. It certainly cost me much care and anxiety; it had failed once, -and threatened at first to give out the second time, but finally had -proved an absolute success, and was already becoming the parent of other -plantations. - -Among the items of yearly expense will be found included a charge for -entrance-fee to the skating-pond. This may at first seem to be more of a -luxury than an actual necessity, but, as it was clear that I should not -have incurred it if I had not been in Flushing, I put it down. My yearly -receipts do not represent so much income actually received, for, as has -been stated previously, there did not appear to be a market for garden -produce in Flushing, but are given as the amount I should have had to -pay if I had bought the various articles at retail prices. This is -clearly proper; for, if we had wanted them to eat, had purchased them at -the stalls, and had paid the current charges, there would have been just -so much additional outlay; that we did not eat them is no answer, for we -could have done so had we wished. - -This exhibit was certainly entirely satisfactory; the account had -steadily improved, and bade fair soon to show a large income. I have -even gone so far as to leave out of question rent saved, dissipation at -Saratoga avoided, health improved, digestion invigorated, pure air -enjoyed, and a thousand other matters for which we pay so dearly; I -merely take the hard, dry figures--the positive profit and loss in -dollars and cents--and they give a clear net profit of nearly eight -hundred dollars. Nothing could be asked more promising than this; if it -went on improving at this rate, there was no telling where it would -stop. Farming had evidently proved itself a source of vast wealth. We -were nowhere near the limit of the productiveness of my five acres, and, -with additional attention, we might reasonably anticipate increased -returns. The result was so encouraging, the life at Flushing so -charming, the access to the city so easy, that I resolved to move there -permanently. There was much to be done besides sleigh-riding and -skating, even in the winter months; roots had to be stored from frost, -bulbs required attention, potatoes and turnips demanded care, -chicken-coops had to be built, forcing-frames dug, and a green-house -erected. Taking all these things into consideration, I resolved to -abandon the city, and, in spite of frozen ground, deep snows, piercing -winds, and muddy roads, to devote myself to agricultural pursuits. - -[Illustration] - - - - -CHAPTER XVIII. - -PREPARATIONS FOR REMOVAL. - - -In the last chapter I have stated that so charming did the country seem -to me, so pure its pleasures, and profitable its cultivation, that I -resolved to remove there permanently, and give up entirely the less -lucrative, if more distinguished, pursuit of the law. A most essential -preparation for this change was the necessity of cultivating and -increasing the present stock of plants--the tender and fragile things -requiring winter protection--which the abundance of the last year had -left me. My stock was not, perhaps, what finished gardeners would call -choice; they were not those out-of-the-way foreign productions which -only rejoice in one name, and that a polysyllabic Latin one; but, -although they were equally entitled to a scientific appellation, they -were generally known under common ones. I had an abundance of -carnations, which I had sometimes referred to as varieties of _Dianthus -caryophyllus_ when my uneducated city visitors called to see me. There -was quite a stock of scarlet geranium; for, although I had ordered from -the florist at Flushing a dozen different colors, he had determined that -one kind would answer my purposes. There were a few of the exquisite -_bellis perennis Hortensis_, more generally known as daisies. But of all -my treasures, the most numerous of any one kind was a great variety of -verbenas, which I had raised from seed, and which had sported into every -variety of color, except--as Weeville once said when he was in an -envious mood--a handsome one; but tastes differ. - -These valuable plants must be protected during the winter, and -preparations had to be made to insure their being turned into the beds -the ensuing spring in healthy condition. To this end it was necessary to -add to the books of reference. To “Breck’s Book of Flowers,” and Rand’s -“Work on the Garden,” which I already possessed, I added Beust’s “Flower -Garden Directory;” Leuchar’s “How to Build Hot-houses;” Todd’s “Young -Farmer’s Manual;” Fuller’s “Small Fruit Culturist;” Warder’s “American -Pomology;” Dr. Chase’s “Recipes, or Information for Every Body;” Mead’s -“American Grape Culture,” besides a number of others equally learned and -abstruse, in addition to subscribing for the _American Agriculturist_, I -put my name down for the _Farmer’s Friend_, and the _American Farmer_, -as well as the London _Field_, which always contained a valuable article -on “Work for the Week,” that gave me a number of important suggestions. -The thorough study of these for the space of a month made me perfectly -acquainted with the subject in hand; they not only told me all about -green-houses and window-culture, but gave me valuable hints about -propagating vines, pruning trees, increasing and improving manure, -building concrete walls, skinning sheep, sawing logs, chopping down -trees, and concerning a vast number of other subjects, all of which -information might prove exceedingly useful some day or other if my -farming enterprises proceeded. - -By the aid of these works it was ascertained that plants could be grown -advantageously in a room of an ordinary dwelling-house, provided the -proper care was exercised. This was quite satisfactory, as, -unfortunately, I had no other place than the fourth-story room of my -house in the city to devote to my new protégés. Under the published -directions, which I studied over till I had them by heart, a room with a -southerly exposure was selected, a staging was erected in front of the -windows, and the gas was so secured that no thoughtless person could -turn it on and poison the air of the extemporized green-house. The -preparatory study and the final execution of the plans recommended had -somewhat delayed the fall potting of the plants, until a few frosts had -warned me that there was no time to lose. Unfortunately, when I -appointed a day for effecting the transfer from the garden to pots and -boxes, and went to Flushing for the express purpose, I discovered, to my -dismay, that Patrick was in a great state of confusion as to which -flowers were hardy and which required removal. As my reading had not -extended to that question, or I had forgotten it amid the extensive list -generally catalogued, I had to go mainly on what might be called general -principles. By general principles is meant that, as the cold had been -pretty severe, it might be presumed to have exercised a preliminary -influence on the tender species; so, wherever a perennial was observed -to be withered and have a sickly appearance in its leaves, it was taken -up and potted. - -Fortunately, I was well acquainted with the characteristics of verbenas, -carnations, and Johnny-jump-ups, and selected them without trouble; but -as to other matters, I felt, to the last, that there was considerable -uncertainty. The verbenas having struck root at every joint, and as I -felt that not one must be lost, a very considerable number of pots was -necessary, and the time I could spare for personal supervision was -exhausted long before the work of transplanting was accomplished. It was -necessary, therefore, to leave Patrick to his own unaided resources, -with such advice and instruction as it was probable he would appreciate. - -He evinced his usual enthusiasm and self-reliance, and within a few days -arrived at my city residence with a wagon full of what the books termed -“bedding plants,” and assured me he “had the likes of that three times -over.” The labor of carrying a hundred pots full of earth up four -flights of stairs is excessive; and ere Patrick’s reserve was exhausted, -I was much the same myself. Nevertheless, perseverance conquered, and we -finally transported the last pot, managing to break less than a dozen on -the way. Unfortunately, some of Patrick’s trips were made during a cold -snap that we had, and it is possible that the frost slightly damaged the -plants, which did not seem exactly healthy when they arrived. There were -some among them that I did not recognize accurately, and one in -particular looked so strange, that I inquired of Patrick what it was. In -answer to my question, he scratched his head for a second, poked his -finger under the stunted foliage, peered in among the leaves -inquiringly, and finally said - -[Illustration] - -authoritatively, “That! why that’s a verbayny, sure; and yer honor knows -a verbayny as well as meself.” “But, Patrick, that does not look at all -like a verbena; it has a very different leaf. Are you confident that you -are right?” My honest servitor looked at me a moment reproachfully, and -then replied interrogatively, “And does yer honor think I’d be after -decaiving you about such a thing as a verbayny?” Of course, there was -nothing more to be said, and the difference in leaf, which seemed so -puzzling, must have been due to what florists would designate as a -sportive change in the plant--possibly the first specimen of a new and -valuable seedling. - -I tended those plants carefully; water was given them regularly, the -windows were opened on every genial day, and the directions contained in -my books were marked, and re-read daily, to insure the observance of -every important point. Still the plants did not seem to thrive. They -grew weaker slowly, but steadily; every morning found them less -vigorous, and often was marked by a premature death. In fact, the living -ones diminished quite rapidly, and ere a month had elapsed nearly all -had perished utterly. This epidemic was peculiarly fatal among my -verbenas, although the books had described them as being rather -unusually hardy; and with the exception of Patrick’s new seedling, which -was vigorous enough, they were either dead or dying. This was quite an -appalling state of affairs. Recourse was had to my literary counselors; -recipes were found for curing mildew, bugs, borers, red spiders, and a -large number of other difficulties, but nothing on the subject of -general debility. - -My flowers had no active disease, unless it were an analogy to human -consumption, or what our quack doctors describe as a loss of manly -vigor; and as these complaints are not referred to in horticultural -works, and as the medicines guaranteed to cure the human frame could -hardly be expected to benefit them, I scarcely knew what to do. In -despair, I purchased some whale-oil soap, and proceeded to wash the -leaves with that highly-recommended compound. Perhaps whale-oil soap is -not advantageous in general debility; perhaps it was made too strong, or -applied too often. Under its application, my future progenitors of -bedding beauties perished faster than ever. A solitary fuchsia, that had -been purchased the spring previous, went early; the roses followed -precipitately; the daisies were not far behind; the verbenas made haste -after these; the carnations followed in this headlong race, until, in -spite of the most tender care, the most scientific nursing, the most -approved protection and artistic cultivation, ere spring arrived, the -entire collection was dead save one--that famous new seedling verbena of -Patrick’s discovery. It still lived, not flourishingly nor -enthusiastically--not as though it could endure much more -assistance--but, as the pleasant days were near at hand, exhibiting -sufficient strength to last till the winds of heaven could be trusted -not to visit its cheek too roughly. - -My assiduity in tending that solitary plant was praiseworthy. Nothing -was left undone that could insure its welfare; water, warmed to a proper -temperature, a sufficiency of fresh air, occasional supplies of a little -new earth or well-rotted manure, a gentle stirring of the surface, and -pruning of straggling and superfluous sprouts--none of these were -omitted. In spite of this attention, it remained pale, yellow, and -feeble, so deadly must have been the nature of the unknown and invisible -malaria that had penetrated into my green-house; but it survived the -danger. It became gradually weaker as March passed by and April -advanced, but was still alive when, in May, after it had been carefully -hardened off by progressive exposure to the air, it was once more -consigned to the earth of the garden. The fuchsia was gone; the roses, -the daisies, the carnations, were no more; its brothers had fallen by -the way-side; but this peculiar variety--this child of my own -raising--this new species, that had no equal for hardness, and probably -would have none in beauty--this seedling, that was destined to electrify -the floral world--this original discovery, which I had already mentally -resolved should make my name immortal as the _Verbena Barnwellii_--was -saved! That was all-sufficient. - -Weeville had inquired from time to time how the scientific cooking-shop, -as he ironically designated my green-house--because the dry furnace-air -which ascended to the upper story did make it rather warm--was -progressing, and sarcastically remarked that a hundred new and healthy -plants could be bought in the spring for what it would cost to keep one -over the winter. But I had too much confidence in the books which I had -studied to believe in his old fogy notions. I had put him off with -“glittering generalities,” intending to keep my discovery a secret, and -enjoying by anticipation his amazement and rage when he should find that -a mere tyro, by scientific appliances, could surpass an experienced hand -like himself, and do that which was beyond his utmost hope--originate a -new variety. I had intended waiting till my plant had recovered its -vigor under the influence of the “wanton wind” and the warm sun; but as -it did not improve rapidly, and no doubt missed my fostering care, I -took an early opportunity to invite him into my garden. - -There were a number of roses, fuchsias, and other bedding plants that I -had just purchased and set out, and he remarked at once, with a laugh, - -“So your cook-house did not work; you have had to buy new plants after -all. Furnace-houses, with dry, hot, parched air, are poor places for -green leaves and thirsty vegetable mouths. Moisture is a necessity to -the cultivation of flowers, and it will not answer perfectly when -applied only to the roots.” - -During this discourse I had led him toward the new seedling, and at the -proper moment I replied, - -“That may be true; but the satisfaction of tending one’s own flowers is -great; the pleasure of watching them is sufficient reward; and then -there is always a chance of effecting something original.” - -“Yes, there is that, no doubt. Amateur green-houses are original -enough.” - -“I mean there is a possibility of making some discovery, of starting a -new variety. For instance,” I said, slowly and impressively, “look at -that; is not that reward enough for all my trouble?” - -“Look at what?” he replied, peering about in a stupid way, striving not -to notice the wonderful plant at his feet, and stopping in a doubtful -way when his eyes finally rested on it. - -“Ay, look at it. Study it well,” I continued, enthusiastically. “Examine -its texture and its foliage; observe the delicate edge of each leaf; the -tender strength of each spray. Conceive its future freshness of beauty, -and the glory its discovery will confer.” - -“Are you talking of that?” Weeville inquired, giving the sacred flower a -sacrilegious shove with the toe of his boot. “Why, what do you take that -for?” - -“What do I take it for? You may well inquire. I take it for the _Verbena -Barnwellii_, the crowning glory--” - -“Verbena fiddlesticks! It is nothing but a weed--a piece of wild sorrel, -just like a dozen others hereabouts, for they seem to abound in your -garden--only it is rather miserable looking, and is near about dead from -some cause or other. But what has that to do with your city -green-house?” - -Explanations were unnecessary. Patrick had made a mistake; he had either -taken up a weed for a verbena, or had potted a weed and verbena -together, and the verbena had died early, for certain it was that my new -seedling, the puzzling variety of an old species, was nothing but an -ugly specimen of worthless sorrel. It died soon after. I was glad it -did. Possibly scientific hot-house culture is not beneficial to weeds, -but until it perished of itself I had not the heart to dig it up, and -thus put a violent end to so many vain hopes and promising -anticipations. The _Verbena Barnwellii_ is still in the undiscovered -future. Patrick had committed other errors; most of the plants that he -had taken up ought to have been left out, and most of those that were -left out should have been taken up. The results of this practice -convinced me that Weeville was right, and that it is cheaper to buy -plants than to raise them, even with all the aids of modern science; and -that, if any gentleman finds too many weeds in his garden, he has only -to remove them to his green-house and cultivate them assiduously to -exterminate them rapidly. - -[Illustration] - - - - -CHAPTER XIX. - -A GREAT RUNNER. - - -In describing the unfortunate termination of my efforts to winter our -stock, I have advanced a little beyond the regular order of events. -There was much other work to be done in the garden, even without -referring to the masses of bedding plants and the quantities of new -seeds that I had purchased. As the third season opened, a renewed energy -took possession of me, and I went at digging and planting like a giant -refreshed. There was no longer a sense of desolation around my place. -The florists and nurserymen, under my careful instruction, had set out -trees, and planted flowers, and got hedges in order, until Nature in my -five acres was bursting from a smile into a grin. It is true that the -cows of the neighborhood, which were invariably allowed to roam -whithersoever they listed, had fed rather profusely on the evergreens, -breaking down the tops and nipping off the ends of the branches; that -here and there the hedges had died out, and left yawning gaps; but, on -the whole, there was a remarkable change. It was at this point that I -bethought me of an omission from my flower garden which was as -surprising as it was inexcusable; hitherto I had neglected doing justice -to the gourd tribe. - -I am great on gourds; they are my specialty. I will undertake to grow -them against the world, and will meet Jonah in a fair field, and no -miracles, any time; in fact, I am a perfect Jonah on gourds. In early -youth, when my gardening was confined to a city yard, my gourds were the -first, and fattest, and yellowest to be seen; and, from that remote -period to the time of which I speak, I had always felt an affection for -the beautiful fruit, and wondered why Nature did not put more in it. Of -course there must be gourds in my garden, in spite of their being a -useless production and very hollow--Weeville made a joke about their -beating other fruit all hollow--and, except to make fragile -water-dippers (which, by the way, no one ever makes of them), quite -worthless; so I not only planted the seeds in the open garden, but -forced some in the hot-beds. - -My special favorites were three seeds of an almost unknown variety, -called Hercules’ Club, upon the past history and future prospects of -which I could get little information. I planted these little germs of -promise in a prominent place in the front beds, and watched with tender -care till they came up. A pale, delicate, juicy little spear, guarded by -its two seed-lobes, pushed its way above ground, where it seemed ill -suited to battle with the breeze and brave the sun, that threatened to -break or consume it. My solicitude became greater when the feeble stem -put forth a feebler leaf, not larger than one’s finger-nail, and so thin -that the tracing of the veins was like gossamer. My horror, therefore, -can be imagined when I found, on the ensuing morning, that a squash-bug -had fallen upon my tender nursling and eaten the leaf all up. - -I killed that bug. He endeavored to slip into the earth, but I slew him -without remorse. He was not an ugly bug in outward appearance; -entomologists might even have called him handsome; his colors were a -mixture of gilt and black, but his beauty was no protection. The next -day another delicate leaf rewarded my protection, but the following -morning another squash-bug devoured it; he met the fate of his -predecessor; but, when a third leaf was disposed of in the same way, the -result began to be doubtful; the question was arising, which would give -out first, the squash-bugs or the leaves? Having heard that wood-ashes -was good to drive away bugs, I was about applying a dose, when Patrick -assured me that they would “scorch such a little mite of a thing all -up;” and, as I had already discovered that no reliance could be placed -on tobacco, I was nearly at what ladies call their “wits’ -end”--whichever end that may be, when Weeville again came to the rescue. - -“Squash-bugs!” he said; “there is no need of ever being troubled by -them. Nature always has a remedy for all Nature’s ills, if we only look -for it. Onions, my boy, are the thing. Does a squash-bug ever eat an -onion? No, sir. Then make him eat it, and see how it agrees with him. I -used to be bothered with them among my cucumber-vines till I put a few -onions in each hill. No more bugs now. I never lose a leaf--not a single -leaf. When you plant gourds next time, put in a few onion-seeds at the -same time, and you will have no trouble. The smell does it.” - -This was very fine for the future, but I wanted to save my Hercules’ -Club for the present; so I thought to myself that if onions would answer -when grown in the vicinity, why would they not answer if removed to the -place, and kept renewed from time to time? There was no scarcity of -onions, and if we did not use them in this way, it was doubtful whether -they would be used at all, so I immediately gathered a quantity, and -built a breastwork of bulbs and stalks round my little pets. At this -time the sprouts were bare, having been stripped by our remorseless -enemies; but next morning still another leaf put forward its claim to -recognition--somewhat weaker, perhaps, than the earlier ones, but still -a leaf. By sundown it was fully developed, and my anxiety can be -imagined to learn its fate next day. I was up and dressed by sunrise, -and, to my great delight, found the leaf there and no squash-bug. - -The victory was won. The fatal _chevaux-de-frise_ was renewed daily, and -proved itself an effectual barrier to the foe. One leaf followed -another; they increased in size; the stalk mounted a few inches, and was -secured to a stake. This appeared to be the turning-point of the plant’s -existence. It suddenly began to grow, and, having exhibited its -feebleness in infancy, now commenced to show its strength. In one night -it grew a foot, and up it rushed, in a few days, to the top of the -stake. There were three plants in all, not far apart, and they had soon -climbed as high as they could on their supports. Huge broad leaves, as -large as a straw hat, made their appearance. Fresh stakes had to be -inserted, and then, when these were covered, which happened in a few -days, still larger ones were substituted. My skill had been tested in -inducing the wonderful plant to grow, and I was not to be outdone now. -Hoops were arranged from post to post like a single section of an arbor; -cross-pieces were added, and still the plant outran them. I was becoming -weak, and, having beaten Jonah, was trying a match with Jack of the -famous “Beanstalk,” with heavy odds in my own opinion that I should win. -It was still early summer, and where my gourds would end ere the season -was over seemed doubtful. - -Unfortunately, at this stage of the contest there came up a storm of -wind and rain. This was a contingency that had not entered my mind. My -supports were frail, my lashings insecure; in an instant the whole -structure was leveled to the ground. Without waiting to tear my -garments, as I should have done if I had been Jonah, I rushed bareheaded -into the storm, fearing that an hour’s delay would give the gourd a -start never to be overcome, and again raised my frame-work and secured -it more firmly. Still the gourd grew. I led strings in all directions, -but, not satisfied with these, it spread over the ground, covered my -small plants, crawled up the neighboring bushes and trees, crept out -into the paths, and threatened to occupy the entire garden. I was still -bravely contending against the inevitable, when destruction in the -shape of another storm came upon me in the night, and the following -morning found my labors again stretched upon the ground. - -This proved too much for me, and, giving in at once, I called Patrick to -do what he could under the circumstances. He straightway sunk two stout -posts and braced them with guys in every direction, and then we let the -Clubs--of which these certainly seemed to be the kings--follow their own -fancy and grow till they should be tired. Being in a conspicuous part of -the garden--in fact, pretty thoroughly hiding the smaller flowers--our -friends had been deeply interested, and, never having seen the vine -before, wondered what kind of fruit it bore. It had produced abundance -of white flowers, in shape somewhat like the yellow blossoms of the -squash, but they fell off, “leaving not a wrack behind,” nor any fruit. -I could not find that Jonah’s gourd, or the beanstalk of my friend Jack, -had produced fruit or left seed, and began to think that mine was an -exceptional production of a similar character, that could only be raised -by those who were great on gourds, or, as the Vulgate hath it, “some -pumpkins.” If Jack’s stalk had produced beans, we should have known -those beans; if Jonah’s gourd had borne seed, we should have found them -at the seed-stores to this day. - -My anxiety was greatly relieved, therefore, when at last something that -was evidently intended for fruit made its appearance. It was almost of -the size and shape of a small lead-pencil, and closely resembled a long -green worm. This remarkable fruit--only odder, if any thing, than the -parent that bore it--after the same hesitancy and dilatoriness, -commenced to grow in the same mad way. It was soon as thick as your -finger, then as your wrist, then as your arm, and considerably longer -than the latter; and, ere it gave up, became as large round and longer -than a small man’s leg. Hercules, even, would have been bothered to -manage such a club. - -It bore seeds, but I destroyed them. My squashes were ahead of all in -Flushing. My pumpkins ran for hundreds of feet, climbed the bean-poles, -and bore a large fruit on top, one specimen being huge enough to have -furnished Peter Piper’s wife with a comfortable apartment. My ordinary -round gourds attained the size of a child’s head; and if I produced such -a result as I have described from my first year’s attempt with the -Hercules’ Club, I was not prepared to take the consequences of a second -or third effort. - -It was better to allow such a plant to disappear; the discovery of new -species of flowers and vegetables is creditable so long as they are -either handsome or useful, but to get the reputation of being the man -who originated a wonderful gourd, to go down to posterity celebrated for -this alone, to be spoken of in horticultural works as the gourd-man, was -too terrible a fate. Moreover, there was some danger in renewing such an -experiment; on the second trial the wonderful plant might have spread -all over the neighborhood, climbed upon crops, strangled trees, -surmounted houses, and invaded the village in such a way as to make me -liable for damages for trespass. There are some things which a man does -too well to do often; growing gourds was evidently one of those with me, -and I determined never to be led into such an undertaking again. - -To counterbalance this wonderful success, it is necessary to record a -remarkable failure. “Variety is the spice of life.” It is this variety -which gives agricultural pursuits their principal zest; no two attempts -in planting bring about the same results. There may be the same -circumstances of time, place, and weather, but the conclusion will be -altogether dissimilar. All honest farmers must confess--and farmers are, -like lawyers, without exception, upright and truthful--that the return -from no two years has been alike. One year the potatoes fail, another -leaves us without corn, a third is too much for the wheat; then the -fruit rots, or the turnips will not grow, or the sweet potatoes run -entirely to vine, or the oats to straw. Something never comes out right, -or does what was expected of it, and often behaves in a shabby manner. -Of coarse, my horticulture could be no exception, but the eccentricities -of Flushing soil are rather extravagant, although the editor of the -_Agriculturist_ lives in the neighborhood, and does all he can to keep -it in order. I have mentioned some peculiarities of my hot-house -experience. I will give certain facts, quite as strange, relative to -out-of-door gardening. - -There were some hardy perennials which I had raised with great care, and -among them a fine specimen of crimson flax, or what I had satisfied -myself was crimson flax. My seeds had fallen into a little confusion in -consequence of the names getting washed off the labels by the rains; -but, as the plant bore a crimson flower, and did not resemble any thing -else in particular, I had made up my mind it was crimson flax; if it -were not, there must have been a defect in Thorburn’s seeds, which is -not to be presumed, for nothing else of that description came up. -Perennials are not generally satisfactory during their first season; -they make a poor growth of it, showing a feebleness that is extremely -painful to a fond and devoted gardener. They are not easily -distinguished from weeds at best, and, as they grow far slower than the -latter, are often lost entirely among them. For this reason I was -especially proud of my crimson flax. It grew thriftily, spread into a -good-sized bush, and covered itself with delicate flowers. - -This had occurred during the previous season, and when fall came I was -careful to mark the spot where it was with several large stakes, in -order to warn Patrick against digging it up. Patrick was rather an -enthusiast with a spade, and somewhat zealous in weeding; he was fond of -digging up the garden to “meliorate” it, as he expressed the idea, and -to prepare it for spring planting; and if he had not the flowers very -distinctly and plainly marked, he would, in the excitement of the -operation, dig them up ruthlessly. So also, in weeding, he had to be -warned and watched, for more than once was my blood frozen with horror -at beholding Patrick weeding up a valuable plant, and twice he weeded -all the young sprouts off a flowering shrub so effectually that the -shrub never recovered from the shock. With this fear before my eyes, and -a question about the perfect reliability of my own memory, I marked the -spot where my crimson flax was located with great care, surrounding it -on all sides with stakes plainly lettered. Thus fortified, I waited -confidently till the winter should be over, having put my own weaknesses -and Patrick’s at defiance. - -True to my confident expectations, with the first few warm suns my -crimson flax reappeared amid its palisade of stakes. It grew far more -strongly than before, spreading rapidly into a large bush, and requiring -the assistance of supports and strings to keep it in shape. There was an -odd singularity about it, however, which struck me as remarkable. The -leaf seemed different from what it had been before--it was longer and -narrower; but this probably was one of those changes which perennials -undergo ere they get firmly established, and, among the many curious -things I had experienced, did not surprise me particularly. The plant -was on the exact place where it had been the year previous; it was -growing luxuriantly, and bid fair to be a magnificent ornament to the -garden, for it had a prominent situation. I did not boast of it, -however. Boasting is not natural to me. I did not even call Weeville’s -attention to it. He had disappointed me so often that I resolved he -should be disappointed himself. I was determined to say nothing until it -should be covered with its crimson gems. - -It grew remarkably. If it had done well the previous year, it bid fair -to surpass itself this season. As its time for flowering approached I -became quite nervous and excited. Slowly the buds formed, being almost -innumerable, and covering each spray; they filled and distended, and -finally burst. But what was my astonishment when I discovered that they -had changed their color. Instead of the rich crimson flowers that were -expected, I found the bush one morning covered with strange-looking -blossoms of a dull yellow. The most remarkable transformation ever known -had taken place--crimson flax had lost its natural hue under careful -cultivation, and assumed the appearance of a cross between an orange -blossom and a dandelion; if any thing, it was rather more like the -dandelion. It was no longer crimson--had, in fact, no shade of crimson. -It was a pure yellow, and not altogether a handsome one. To describe the -disgust that this unexpected change wrought in my usually placid temper -is impossible. I began to hate that plant. The more it blossomed the -more furious I felt, until finally, when it had covered itself with -these wretched straw-colored abortions, my feelings overcame me, and I -pulled it up by the roots. - -This burst of passion has caused me much regret. By a moment’s -indulgence of anger I destroyed the chance of raising a new species of -plant, a changeable crimson flax--crimson one year and yellow the next. -Weeville, when subsequently informed of my indiscretion, attempted to -console me by endeavoring to make out that it was a weed which had -smothered the original flower. He even doubted whether there ever had -been any crimson flax in my garden, and pretended dissatisfaction with -my description of that plant. He said he was not aware that crimson flax -was a perennial, and thought that the designation in the catalogue was -an error, ridiculous as such a supposition was to my mind. He undertook -to show me numerous weeds by the road-side--for weeds are quite abundant -in Flushing--which bore yellow blossoms, and which he felt confident -were the same as the one I had raised. They did resemble it in many -points; but, as I had marked my plant carefully, had seen it blossom the -year previous, and knew whereof I spoke, I utterly disdained his -explanation. I must still feel that the loss of my new flax was serious, -and must regret the outburst that led to it. Even a flower convertible -into a weed, or changing biennially from one to the other, would be rare -and curious. - -Moreover, although we did raise several garden weeds, this was like -none of them. They were most deceptive things, and imitated the -appearance of plants wonderfully. One grew quite tall, and seemed to be -on the point of flowering all the while, but never did so. Another -spread into quite a large tuft, something between a daisy and a violet, -and imposed upon Patrick, even, so thoroughly that he never dug it up in -a single instance, notwithstanding his readiness to extirpate whatever -was of doubtful authenticity. It spread rapidly, until it was quite a -labor to pull it up. Another of these troublesome members of the -vegetable kingdom attained almost the dimensions of a shrub, and had a -thick, solid stalk, and actually flowered; but the blossoms were the -minutest things possible, and bore a ludicrous disproportion with the -size of the bush; while the snap-dragon obtained a hold in the beds -which it is probable I never shall eradicate, by an error of -appreciation continued through a few months. In fact, the weeds -performed such strange antics, and behaved in so unexpected a way, that -the question arose in my mind as to what was a weed. The author of “Ten -Acres Enough” says that it is a flower out of place. The latter half of -his explanation may be well enough; but as to its being a flower, most -of those that came up in my garden had no flowers whatever. Without -entering too far upon a religious disquisition, it may do merely to -suggest that it struck me that weeds were original sin, springing up to -trouble us every where, and calling for that sweat of the brow which is -ordained as the lot of the human kind for the first great crime of -Mother Eve. - -The nature of weeds is exceedingly perverse. They seem to have been sent -to torment man, sprouting up continually without apparently ever -becoming exhausted, causing an immense deal of unnecessary annoyance. As -an evidence of their innate perversity, it is only necessary to refer to -the manner in which they behaved toward my _portulaca splendens_. This -showy plant had been thriving admirably, and as its seeds, when allowed -to sow themselves, naturally reappear in augmented splendor the -following year, I had founded great expectations upon the anticipated -result. It is true that the portulaca did sow itself, and did come up -finely the present spring; but, unfortunately, weeds come up without any -sowing. They originate or “come of themselves,” as my brother farmers -lucidly express it, and they appeared with the portulaca, and grew twice -as rapidly. - -The end of it was, that, although the flower was there, and even -matured, it was hidden so effectually that there was no way of getting -a sight at a blossom except by pulling up a yard square of weeds. My -conclusion from this--and valuable it is to the cause of -agriculture--was that our scientific men had not paid sufficient -attention to weeds; that they had taught us how to make things grow, but -had not told us how to prevent their growing; that an anti-fertilizer -was more important than a fertilizer. There is twice as much labor -expended in rooting weeds out as in putting vegetables in. We have our -phosphates and superphosphates, our guano, marl, bone-dust, lime, and a -dozen other species of manures, but not a single invention to prevent -undesirable growth. The present necessity is a drug or acid, or some -sort of medicament, that will kill all the weeds and the germs of weeds -in the ground, but which will soon lose its power, so that the ground -will perform its proper functions when seed is planted. Until this -discovery is made, farming will be laborious, and I hope our learned men -will devote their attention to it promptly. I shall only claim the honor -of originating the idea, and leave the entire profits to the inventor. - - - - -CHAPTER XX. - -A BEAUTIFUL NEW COACH. - - -I have already mentioned the honesty of the people in Flushing. Nothing -is more pleasant and satisfactory than to deal with persons on whom one -can rely; to feel that one gets precisely what is agreed upon--can trust -entirely to the word of the seller. To be sure, they were now and then a -little too confiding. They had a way of supplying any person in the -village with whatever he wanted, and charging it to me. If I objected, -they answered conclusively that he had given my name, and that they were -not accustomed, in the country, to doubt every man’s word who applied to -them for a keg of nails or a dozen boards; and they explained that -confidence was the foundation of business. Rather than disturb this -creditable, almost too creditable state of affairs, I submitted, and -paid for a good many articles that went to other people. I made a short -attempt to enforce a rule that any applicant who gave my name must have -a written order, and I even opened a pass-book with the leading -store-keeper; but these innovations met with so much opposition, and the -leading store-keeper had always so much to add to what appeared in the -pass-book, that I gave up the effort, and accepted country ways of -dealing. - -Even the farmers were affected by this simplicity of views; they had -peculiar and somewhat unwise opinions, but they held to them -religiously. They believed in New York as the Moslem believes in Mecca; -they considered that they must make all their sales there, and that -weekly pilgrimages thither were a necessity of their success in life. No -inducement would persuade them to sell any of their produce on the road, -or short of that sacred destination. It was vain to apply to them for a -load of hay, or a dozen bags of oats; they would cart these six miles -over heavy roads rather than sell them within a few rods of their doors. -This was inconvenient, but a sure guaranty for their honesty; none but -very honest people could be so simple, and their faith in the metropolis -of the nation was actually touching. - -“Sure, yer honor,” said Patrick to me one morning, “and the new Rockaway -is gone intirely.” - -“Why, Patrick, you surprise me; I only bought it last spring.” I did not -say that I had obtained it second-hand, as it is well not to forget -appearances, and human nature is somehow or other ashamed of buying any -thing second-hand. The fact was that Dandy Jim had pretty much used up -my first wagon; he had run away with it so often, had dragged it over so -many fences, and smashed it so frequently and so effectually, that, when -he was sold and the new family horse was purchased, a new wagon had to -be bought for him. I said nothing to Patrick about its being -second-hand, and he said nothing to me; we neither of us pretended to be -aware of a fact which both of us knew perfectly well. True to his -instinctive Irish delicacy, not a word was breathed against the honor of -the house to which his fortunes were attached. So he replied, - -“Be gorra! and it was a beautiful wagon intirely when yer honor brought -it home; you may well say that.” - -“What is the trouble, then, now?” - -“Sorrow a one o’ me knows, but they tell its going fast, and I thought -it was me duty to spake about it before any accident happened, which -would be a pity, indade, indade.” - -“Is there any thing wrong with the axle-trees?” I inquired, anxiously, -worried at the implied risk. - -“Axle-trees! whirra, and they’re as strong and sound as the day they -were put in; divil a word can be said against the axle-trees.” - -“Well, then, is it the springs?” - -“The springs! Now did yer honor ever see a purtier pair of springs in -yer life?” - -“Perhaps it’s the wheels?” - -“The wheels! divil a bit is there any thing the matter with the wheels; -better running wheels, when they’re well grased, were never put in a -wagon at all, at all.” - -“Then, Patrick,” I cried in despair, “what on earth is the matter?” - -“And didn’t I say it was wake all over, it was; and if it comes down -when yer honor’s out driving, you mustn’t blame me. Yer honor knows -best, but I shouldn’t like to be in it if it did break down; but perhaps -there’d be no harm done--you may be going slow, like, and the horse may -stop.” - -“Patrick,” I responded, still more appalled at this picture, and not at -all confident of so fortunate a result, my experience having been rather -the reverse--“Patrick, it will never do to run any risk. What shall I do -about it?” - -“Yer honor does not seem to care for it, but, as I tould yer honor -before, there’s a beautiful new coach down at the carriage-maker’s. If -you saw it once, you would be much plased; it’s lovely intirely. If you -would only get that, that would be the doin’ ov it.” - -This discussion was not altogether an unusual thing between us. My -Rockaway had been growing weaker and weaker for some time past, and, as -its weakness became more striking, the “beautiful new coach” loomed up -more distinctly. At first the spring would want strengthening, then the -axles would need examining, next the tires would require resetting, and -so on, until an application to the wheelwright became an event of weekly -recurrence. On each repetition, the attractions of the “beautiful new -coach” would come under discussion, and be dilated upon, although, as I -had little faith in country work, and entire confidence in my Rockaway, -I turned a deaf ear to all such suggestions. - -However, matters had been becoming more serious lately. The wagon had -certainly acquired a wobbly motion, which was neither agreeable nor -reassuring. The springs or wheels, or both, appeared to have lost their -strength; the latter did not track quite true, and, in turning a corner -or crossing a gutter, there was evidence of a defect somewhere. No -special difficulty had made itself apparent, but there was a general -giving out--a sort of grogginess all over. The whole concern “yawed -about” and “slewed round,” as the nautical gentlemen express it, after -an unpleasant and threatening fashion. It was apparent that something -must be done, and the carriage-maker, who also had the “beautiful new -coach” for sale, declared that repairing would do no more good; so to -Patrick’s last remark I responded with resignation, - -“I suppose I shall have to get a new wagon of some sort. What does the -man ask for the one you speak of?” - -“Only three hundred and fifty dollars, with pole and shafts. Mr. Jones -paid him four hundred for one just like it last week, but he says he -wants yer honor to give him a chance. There’s nothing but the best of -stuff gone into it. He puts on new patent clips; and the painting is the -loveliest blue and red that iver was seen.” - -“Well, Patrick, you may drive me down, and I will look at it.” - -“Thank yer honor; and shall I hitch up right away?” - -“Yes; the sooner it’s over the better.” - -“Thrue for you, and so it is; for a break-down would be a pity, with the -doctors charging so high. But ye’ll be safe enough in the new coach.” - -We found the wheelwright at his shop, and ready to expatiate on the many -good points of his vehicles and the excellence of his work; the -advantages he had over city builders, and the danger there was in riding -in a broken-down affair which was made of such wretched stuff as mine, -that he only wondered had held together as long as it had. The proposed -carriage was quite gorgeous and very fine with paint and upholstery. I -thought it rather heavy for one horse, but Patrick, who had taken much -interest in the discussion, immediately, on my making the suggestion, -seized the shafts, and ran it up and down as if it were as light as a -feather. So there was nothing for it but to say that I would take the -“beautiful new coach;” and, stepping to one side with the maker, I said, -“I am informed that the price is three hundred and fifty dollars.” - -“Oh,” he replied, “that is without the pole; with the pole it is three -hundred and seventy-five. Mr. Jones paid me--” - -“Never mind about Mr. Jones. I understood the price was three hundred -and fifty dollars with pole and shafts; but, as I do not want the -former, I will do without that.” - -“But they both go together,” replied the man. “Now I’ll tell you what,” -he added, dropping his voice to a confidential whisper, “you have been -a good customer of mine, and I want to please you; so let’s say three -hundred and sixty-five, and that will be almost throwing the pole in. It -costs a good twenty-five dollars to build one.” - -I never liked haggling over trifles, so I consented and paid down the -money. I did not send for the new carriage immediately; in fact, a -change seemed to have come over the Rockaway; it gave up wobbling, the -wheels ran steadier, the springs became stronger, and its general -debility disappeared. It was altogether a changed vehicle. I heard no -more complaints from Patrick, and all danger in using it seemed to have -disappeared, for he took five of his female acquaintances to church in -it the very next Sunday morning. When we did get the new coach home it -proved to be entirely too heavy, and Patrick was the loudest in -declaring it was “no good at all, at all.” Of course, it could not have -been that an honest village wheelwright would purposely have put my -wagon out of order that he might sell me a new one, but such a sudden -recovery of health on the part of a Rockaway was extraordinary and -wonderful to the last degree. - -Of course, when a man moves permanently into the country, he builds an -addition to his house. Why he does so, neither he nor any one else can -tell. He never does the like in town; no additional room is necessary, -but he does it all the same. I was attacked with the same mania, of -course. The only way of adding to my house was by putting a second story -on the main wing; there was no possible mode of extending either side, -or erecting an adjoining building, or doing any thing whatever except -moving a step nearer the heavens. This implied the removal of the roof. -Now a roof is a very necessary thing; people who have been in the habit -of living under one know little of the inconveniences of doing without -it, even for a short time. It is ornamental--may have a pretty border, -or edging, as our farmers say; but it is not only ornamental, it is -extremely useful; and if any reader doubts this, let him remove the roof -from his house, and try the effect of a change. The foundation is -necessary, the sides are advantageous, but the roof is essential. - -As fate would have it, my alterations were commenced in March, which is -not altogether the best month for such things, in view of the fact, -little appreciated by citizens, that that month is the commencement of -the rainy season. So the tin was rolled up and taken off, the rafters -were pulled down, the sides of the additional story were completed--and -then it rained. I had prepared as well as I could to meet this -contingency, being the possessor of a large amount of canvas, which once -constituted the racing sails of a yacht that I owned in my younger days, -and I had spread this over the yawning gulf as well as I could. But it -did not answer; perhaps there was not peak enough, or the duck was worn -thin by age; certain it was that it leaked, and leaked badly, not in -mere drops, but in rivulets, that first covered the upper floor, and -then worked their way down through the lower ceilings, and dripped on -the furniture, and discolored the walls, and loosened the plaster. - -Moreover, the rain always came at the worst times and in the most -disagreeable ways. I would go calmly to bed, leaving every thing -apparently serene, not a cloud in the sky, the stars shining brightly, -and the wind due west, and be waked up at midnight by the beating of the -storm, and the trickle of the water as it came down through one corner, -its favorite spot, in my room. Then the wind would blow, and work under -the canvas, and tug at the ends, until it succeeded in rolling it up, so -that it could expose what was beneath. - -And then, of course, at the precise moment when a dozen more days’ work -would have made me - -[Illustration] - -safe--when the windows only were wanting, or a few more boards would -have shut out the destructive element--the carpenters and sash-makers -concluded they would enjoy a little “strike”--preferring leisure to -work, and needing a short rest from their labors. Many a time would I be -roused from my comfortable bed, and be forced, with quite a scanty -amount of clothing, to climb up the rickety, half-finished stairs at -midnight, and get drenched through putting up boards or nailing down the -canvas; for water, useful as it undoubtedly is for some purposes, can -do so extensive and unexpected an amount of damage; it gets into such -odd places, and produces such queer results. However, Patrick, true to -his Irish nature, was so delighted with my example that he determined to -follow it, and begged time enough to build himself a house. When my -troubles were about over, I met him one day, and asked how his building -was getting on? - -“Thank yer honor,” he replied, joyfully, “I am doing finely; there was a -frind, begorra, and true frind he was, and a carpenter at that, and he -has built it all for nothing, because he was out of work. Sure and it’s -an ilegant house.” - -“Well, then, Patrick, I suppose you’ll soon be moving into it.” - -“I would that, but for wan thing.” - -“And what is that?” I inquired. - -“It hasn’t any roof on it.” - -“You don’t say so; why, that is quite important.” - -“Thrue for you, yer honor, it is that; the flure and the sides is -beautiful; it has two flures and a roof as purty as ever was.” - -“Why, I thought you said it had no roof,” I responded, growing somewhat -confused, as I often did over Patrick’s explanations. - -“Oh no; the roof is all there, but it lakes, it does.” - -“Still, if it does leak, the upper floor would catch that, and you might -occupy the lower story, as I have been doing.” - -“So I would, indade, but the flures have no boards on them; nothing at -all, at all, but jest the bare bames. But I wouldn’t mind that meself, -and me family would do well enough on the ground if it wasn’t for the -lakes, and the bad saison it is at that.” - -“You ought to find out where the leaks are, and stop them,” I replied. - -“Sure, and it lakes all over.” - -“Now, Patrick,” I remonstrated, “how can it do that? No roof was ever -made that leaked all over; the thing can’t be.” - -“Well, yer honor knows best; but when a roof hasn’t any shingles on, it -lakes purty bad.” - -“Patrick,” I said, pausing and looking at him sternly, “what on earth do -you mean by saying one minute that you have a roof, and the next that -you have none?” - -“Well, yer honor knows the boards for the roof is all there, and put up -beautiful, but I hadn’t any shingles, more’s the pity, and me paying -rint all the time, and me frind with nothing to do until he gets some -work, and no telling the day when he may do that. And I thought perhaps -yer honor will give me the loan of some shingles, and keep the house -yerself until I could work it out. The windies ain’t much matter, and -boards will do very well, but sure a house is good for nothing intirely -unless it has a roof on it.” - -I coincided fully in Patrick’s views; there was a bond of brotherhood in -suffering between us; and although I did not keep his house for him, he -had his shingles. And so he was fairly housed, and my extra story being -completed, and the garden having at last consented to grow, and the -trees to furnish foliage and give yearly promise of fruit, and my vast -experience having been carefully stored away for the use of others, and -myself finally and peremptorily settled in the country, I think it is -time that I closed this veracious and trustworthy account of “Five Acres -more than Enough.” - - - - -CHAPTER XXI. - -THREE HUNDRED ACRES NOT ENOUGH. - - -I am writing this supplementary chapter after the expiration of nearly -fifteen years since the record of my farming experiences was commenced; -and while I have nothing to take from the interesting statements which -have been set forth in the previous pages, I have much to add to them. -Everything has gone on as it began, with the same invariable pleasure, -profit, and satisfaction. The field and the fields of my labor have -alike been one long delight--from the soft yellow of the upturned -surfaces when the plough had just prepared them for the seeds, through -their period of emerald-green promise and their crowning glories of -fruitful russet and gold, till they passed under the snow-white mantle -of their wintry death. My success on “five acres” was so triumphant that -I purchased a farm of twenty-five at Rockville Centre, and subsequently -one of two hundred at Sayville, and to those have kept perpetually -adding till they number three hundred and fifty, and bid fair never to -be enough. My feet have trodden all the highways and by-ways of -successful agriculture, and my efforts have done much to solve the great -problem that the world has been groping over for four thousand years; -for only when science shall teach just how much hydrogen, nitrogen, -super-phosphate, hydrocephalus, tredecem radiatus, esox reticulatus, and -cerebro-spinal meningitis make up the component parts of every stalk of -corn, grain of wheat, or head of oats will the human race be redeemed -from darkness and ignorance, and all men made rich and happy. - -Patrick and I built hot-beds and cold-frames; and if the hot-beds did -come out cold-frames, and the cold-frames occasionally endeavored to be -hot-beds by burning up all the plants in them, we were sure to get one -or the other almost every time. Moreover, we have had our triumphs as -great as those of war. We have raised the mammoth squash, a miniature -planet of orange loveliness, bursting with beauty and solid with -succulence--so roomy, that Cinderella would have found no trouble in -using it for her coach, or Peter Piper for a wife-protector. It was sent -to the county fair, where it was much admired by my friends, and caused -much envy in the mind of Weeville, to judge from the disparaging -remarks he indulged about the taste and value of squashes. It would have -taken the prize were it not that another farmer had sent one a few -pounds heavier, although far inferior in contour and general excellence -of expression. Ours should have had a second prize, but that the chief -official informed me that they never gave second prizes for squashes. - -Of course there have been drawbacks, but what mattered it if the -commonplaces did not come up to expectation, if the turnips and carrots -failed and the grass dried up. Who could not spare the horse vegetables -in the land of the pea, the Lima-bean, the asparagus?--where there was -never too much heat or drought for the sweet corn, and where the -luxuriant egg-plants would spread out their broad green hands to the -generous sun in gratitude for his rays in summer, and would round out -their purple globes in the cool days of September and October--that is, -when the potato-bug did not eat them all up. Insects have become rather -over-abundant. Indeed this might be said to be the bug age, in contrast -with the stone age and the iron age and the golden age which have passed -before. There is every known and unknown sort of insect on Long Island. -The Colorado beetle paid his respects promptly, on his evolution, and -has remained permanently; the borers bore our apple-trees; the curculio -swarms in our plum-trees; moths and army-worms and tent-caterpillars and -every other sort of creeping and stinging thing assist our labors and -share our profits. - -The poor broken-backed farmer has fallen upon the day of small -things--the winged, creeping, crawling, and ever-devouring small things -of six legs and more or less wings and unlimited stomach; those that -delve in the ground and worm their way into roots, or climb up the -branches and eat the leaves, or which strike the fruit and spot and -blight it. He must poison the potato-beetle, he must burn the galleys -and cities of the tent-builders, he must prod the borers with wires. By -comparison with these the hum of the ever-present mosquito is but a -humbug, and his bites flea-bites. - -Following the directions of enthusiastic bug sportsmen I tried to -inveigle the innocent moths into the candle of destruction. Patrick was -directed, to place a lamp in the orchard and set it in a pan of water -with kerosene oil on the surface. There was every reason to expect that -the moths from their known weakness for light would have rushed to this -death-trap by myriads. But Patrick soon gave the most discouraging -accounts of bug behavior and insect artifice. - -“Arrah that was no good at all at all,” he said in a disgusted tone. -“They wouldn’t be after going widin a mile of it.” - -“But, Patrick,” I replied reprovingly, for I was afraid he had not given -the experiment a fair trial, “they must have been within a mile of it, -as the orchard is not a quarter of a mile either way, and they seem to -be as plenty there as ever.” - -“And your honor may well say that. Plenty, is it? There is no end of -them, and they keep growing on us every day.” - -That was a personal way of stating the case which made my flesh creep, -and sent itching sensations over my whole body. So I asked him hastily, - -“Then why did you not try the lamp?” - -“Try? And sure and I did that same. Och, but it burned beautifully, and -all the country round could have seen their way to steal our fruit, only -there wasn’t any fruit to steal. More’s the pity.” - -“Well, what did you catch?” I asked impatiently. - -“Catch, is it? Sure the first night I caught a mosquito and a house-fly, -and the next night I caught only a mosquito. I didn’t think it worth -while to be wasting oil at that rate, for we would be a hundred years -before we caught all the bugs in our orchard; and then, more be token, -they would grow ten times as fast.” - -Since the commencement of my horticultural operations I had had on my -mind and in my heart a longing for a bed of mushrooms. The realization -of this dream had been postponed in consequence of a certain obscurity -in the directions contained in my authorities. Bridgeman was very -enthusiastic and hopeful, but slightly incomprehensible. He said that -the bed must be established in “a light cellar.” Now none of my houses -had a light cellar--neither the first one imported from Nantucket, which -might be expected to produce any imaginable eccentricity, nor that -old-fashioned farm-house at Rockville Centre, nor the modern production -of lath and plaster. It is true that when the first was in the formative -state--had got as far as the cellar and no farther--in which condition -it remained, as has been explained, that part of the construction was as -light as could be wished; still I felt in my soul that the necessary -cellar must be the cellar of a house, not a house that was all cellar. -If Bridgeman had only said a light garret, I could have accommodated -him. But all cellars I had ever entered were dark. Or if there had been -some way of putting a cellar out of doors. I could have introduced the -gas into the cellar, but was afraid to burn it or kerosene lest they -might burn too much. I was all in the dark about the cellar, and doubted -whether artificial aid if attainable would convert its inherent darkness -into the light of Bridgeman’s intelligence. - -He said if there was no light cellar we might use an old shed. But here, -again, was a similar difficulty. We had no old shed; they were all new: -besides, they were not much lighter than the cellar. Light was evidently -necessary, and it was only after much thought that I hit upon a feasible -plan. We had built a sort of greenhouse; it had not been used long, the -plants not proving green enough to live in it, and it had been converted -into a chicken-coop for the forcing of infant chickens. No better place -could be selected, if light was wanted; for the sun poured down upon its -glass roof and sides all day long, till the chickens got so over-heated -under the forcing process that they spent most of their time, when they -were not engaged pulling out each other’s feathers, standing and panting -with their mouths open. Here it was that I determined to establish the -mushroom-bed, where it would have a sure chance to heat, and where it -could have as much light as the lightest cellar Bridgeman had ever -discovered. - -When I subsequently mentioned my intentions to Patrick, he made -incoherent remarks about “its being too hot intirely, and that the sun -would burn them all up.” But he had not studied the habits of mushrooms -and their demand for light; so we picked out “the droppings,” as we were -ordered from day to day, and turned and flattened them, and laid layers -of earth between layers of them, in the most approved manner. The middle -of August arrived before we were through, and the place was so hot I -fairly gasped as I worked in it; but when it was completed, I broke the -cakes of mushroom spawn into pieces, and deposited them under a few -inches of soil, and covering the whole with a deep mass of straw, -awaited developments. It was some time before any results made their -appearance; then there was a motion in the earth, which, at first I -supposed was the activity of the seeds and the bursting forth of the -fruitful fungi. Nothing of that sort came of it. Instead, the motion -extended itself till it resembled a gentle movement of the entire bed. -At this my suspicions were aroused, and I proceeded quietly and -cautiously to investigate. I lifted off the straw from one corner, and -stirred the earth and dug down into it; then the truth came upon me. -There was a motion--a motion through the entire conglomeration of earth -and droppings; but it was not of the bursting fungi, nor even vegetable -in its origin; it was entirely vermicular: the bed was one wriggling, -moving, turning, twisting mass of worms. They might have been a new -development of the worm family--a sort of mushroom worm produced by -spontaneous generation; but I had not the heart to investigate them, -under the knowledge that all our efforts to produce a bed of mushrooms -were to end in the production of a crop of worms. - -I said nothing to Patrick, but carried out the straw, and let in the -chickens once more. They had got a fresh growth of feathers from running -about the grounds, and had accumulated a healthy appetite, and the way -they scratched and dug and dusted in that mushroom-bed showed the extent -of our misdirected results, and assured me that if we ever wanted to -raise chickens all we had to do was to establish a mushroom-bed on the -most approved principles, and in a light and sunny exposure. - -Hardly, however, had the painful admission of our failure been forced -upon us, when a special Providence, as it might be called, or an -agricultural equipoise, came to our assistance. I had laid out a portion -of the garden for a plot of fall spinach, and told Patrick to give it -what is politely termed a “good dressing”--a ball costume, or regular -wedding outfit of manure. This had been planted, but gave no signs of -coming to fruition; at least Patrick assured me that he had “put -lashings of seeds into it,” although doubts began to arise whether he -had not forgotten that important step in successful agriculture. The -plants certainly did not show up, although we were now passing well into -the autumn, and I was wondering how I could turn that “dressing” to -account. One morning, as I was studying the problem, I noticed that -there had been a movement in the soil, such as I had at first hoped from -my mushroom-bed. Little mounds had erected themselves here and there, as -though the tiniest of gnomes were at work, or the spinach had collected -itself in spots for one tremendous and united effort to break through -the stubborn soil. I instantly suspected more worms, and thought of -turning the chickens from the hothouse into the garden, but before doing -so resolved to investigate. To my equal surprise and delight I found, -on uncovering one of these mounds, that they were the mud-homes of the -precious fungi, and that the mushrooms which were vainly sought in the -light of science, were the mound-builders, and had surreptitiously -transferred themselves to the garden. There are many surprises in -horticulture, and especially in mushroom propagation. Having produced a -bed of vermicular life when I was in pursuit of fungi, a reward of fungi -had equalized matters by usurping the place of a plot of spinach. I -watched those succulent eccentricities with the attention they merited. -I lifted the earth off their tender heads lest they should be pressed -back into the ground. I gloated over their creamy consistency, so -superior to the dull discoloration of the vapid and faded objects -purchased in the markets. At last my well-earned triumph was to come, -and Weeville was to be taught that, although I might not succeed -precisely as I had planned, intelligence and study were sure to be -crowned in the end. The weather was growing cooler, the season being -early, and I felt that no time was to be lost. - -I proceeded promptly to make a collection of the luscious edibles as -soon as they were sufficiently matured and abundant, determined to use -them as a surprise to my friends in the city, including Weeville, who -was not to escape from my triumph now. There was no depending on the -uncertain future, for the grounds of glory were in the basket. I -telegraphed an invitation to a supper at the Manhattan Club, merely -saying I would bring a dish from my farm that I thought would astonish -my friends, and teach them that there was something in home-farming -after all. It was a big basket and well filled, that there might be no -stint, and weighed so heavily when packed that I put it on the piazza -out of the sun till Patrick should bring up the horse. The horse was -rather restive; horses always are restive till you get in, and seem to -be in a terrible hurry, and there is no end to their anxiety to be under -way till they are, when they generally become more moderate. Our horse -was peculiarly unsteady on this occasion, and Patrick had all he could -do to control him as I climbed over the wheels, for years of hard toil -in the field have made me stiff in my limbs, and slow in climbing. So we -started in some confusion and trepidation. It was only when the train -had reached Jamaica that I found that I had forgotten all about my -basket of mushrooms, and had left it calmly resting in the shadiest part -of the piazza. - -The little party went off very pleasantly at the club, and I left the -guests mystified as to which special dish it was that had come from the -farm, although Weeville in his blunt fashion blurted out that he -believed “I had made another failure of it.” - -That night there came a severe frost, and not only were all the -mushrooms that had been picked shrivelled up, but those in the garden -were killed. I kept that spot sacred next season, hoping that the -treasure of the earth would again present itself: but the little genii -never favored me thereafter; nothing but weeds grew the ensuing summer, -and after that we converted it to the raising of corn and cucumbers. -This was a disappointment, but I had the satisfaction of feeling that I -had raised the finest mushrooms that ever were seen, and could raise -them again, provided they took into their heads to appear as -unexpectedly as in this remarkable instance. It is a permanent pleasure -to dwell on the thought of how good they would have been, if only we had -had a chance to try them, and had not forgotten that basket, and I never -can pass that portion of the garden without a reawakening of such -sentiments, and if any visitors happen to be with me taking occasion to -point out to them my mushroom-bed. - - - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg's Five Acres too Much, by Robert Barnwell Roosevelt - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FIVE ACRES TOO MUCH *** - -***** This file should be named 55220-0.txt or 55220-0.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/5/2/2/55220/ - -Produced by Chuck Greif and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images available at The Internet Archive) - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: Five Acres too Much - -Author: Robert Barnwell Roosevelt - -Release Date: July 29, 2017 [EBook #55220] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FIVE ACRES TOO MUCH *** - - - - -Produced by Chuck Greif and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images available at The Internet Archive) - - - - - - -</pre> - -<hr class="full" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<img src="images/cover.jpg" width="335" height="500" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/front_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/front_sml.jpg" width="439" height="500" alt="Image unavailable: Your friend and brother Sportsman Rob B Roosevelt" /></a> -<br /> -<a href="images/signature_lg.png"> -<img src="images/signature_sml.png" width="439" height="198" alt="Image unavailable: Your friend and brother Sportsman Rob B Roosevelt" /></a> -</div> - - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_001" id="page_001"></a>{1}</span></p> - -<h1> -FIVE ACRES TOO MUCH.</h1> - -<p class="cb"> -A TRUTHFUL ELUCIDATION<br /> -<br /> -<small>OF</small><br /> -<br /> -<span class="eng"> -<img src="images/title.png" -width="350" -alt="The Attractions of the Country," -/></span><br /> -<br /> -<small>AND</small><br /> -<br /> -<small>A CAREFUL CONSIDERATION OF THE</small><br /> -<br /> -<i>Question of Profit and Loss as involved in<br /> -Amateur Farming</i>,<br /> -<br /> -<small>WITH MUCH</small><br /> -<br /> -<small>VALUABLE ADVICE AND INSTRUCTION TO THOSE ABOUT<br /> -PURCHASING LARGE OR SMALL PLACES<br /> -IN THE RURAL DISTRICTS.</small><br /> -<br /> -<i>NEW AND ENLARGED EDITION.</i><br /> -<br /> -<br /> -<small>BY</small><br /> -<br /> -ROBERT BARNWELL ROOSEVELT,<br /> -<br /> -<small>AUTHOR OF “GAME FISH OF NORTH AMERICA,” “SUPERIOR FISHING,”<br /> -“FLORIDA AND THE GAME WATER BIRDS,” “PROGRESSIVE PETTICOATS,”<br /> -“FISH HATCHING AND FISH CATCHING,” ETC.</small><br /> -<br /> -———— -<br /> -NEW YORK:<br /> -O. JUDD CO. DAVID W. JUDD, <span class="smcap">Pres.</span><br /> -<small><span class="smcap">751 Broadway</span>.<br /> -1885.</small><br /> -</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_002" id="page_002"></a>{2}</span></p> - -<p class="csml"> -Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1885, by the<br /> - -<span class="smcap">O. Judd Company</span>,<br /> - -In the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington.<br /> -<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_003" id="page_003"></a>{3}</span> -<br /><br /><br /> -TO<br /> -<br /> -<big><big>THE WRITERS OF BOOKS</big></big><br /> -<br /> -ON<br /> -<br /> -FARMING, GARDENING, HORTICULTURE, AGRICULTURE,<br /> -AND FLORICULTURE,<br /> -<br /> -<i>THIS WORK IS RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED</i>,<br /> -<br /> -AS AN EVIDENCE<br /> -OF WHAT CAN BE DONE AND WHAT WONDERFUL RESULTS<br /> -CAN BE PRODUCED BY A CAREFUL STUDY OF<br /> -THEIR DIRECTIONS AND STRICT OBEDIENCE<br /> -TO THEIR RULES;<br /> -<br /> -AND<br /> -<br /> -AS A SLIGHT TESTIMONIAL TO THE ACCURACY, LUCIDITY,<br /> -AND PRACTICABILITY OF THE ADVICE WHICH THEY<br /> -GIVE AND THE EXPERIENCES THEY DESCRIBE;<br /> -<br /> -IN THE SINCERE HOPE<br /> -THAT THEY WILL NEVER WEARY OF COMPOSING BOOKS<br /> -EQUALLY TRUTHFUL, TRUSTWORTHY,<br /> -AND INTERESTING.<br /> -<br /> -<span style="margin-left: 12em;"><big>THE AUTHOR.</big></span><br /> -</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_004" id="page_004"></a>{4}</span></p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_005" id="page_005"></a>{5}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="CONTENTS" id="CONTENTS"></a>CONTENTS.</h2> - -<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="" -style="margin:auto auto;max-width:90%;"> - -<tr><th colspan="2"><a href="#INTRODUCTION">INTRODUCTION.</a></th></tr> - -<tr><td valign="top" class="hang">Apotheosis of the Country, especially of such Portions of the Country -as the Author has for sale.—Many Attractions and still more -Lots at Flushing.—Simplicity of Farming, and Lucidity of Agricultural -Books.—Profits and Pleasures of Rural Life -</td><td class="rt" valign="bottom"><a href="#INTRODUCTION">Page ix</a></td></tr> - -<tr><th colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_I">CHAPTER I.</a><br /> -<small>A COW.</small></th></tr> - -<tr><td valign="top" class="hang">Special Points about the Bovine Race.—Directions in Feeding.—Preparations -to receive the Animal.—Her Arrival.—An awful -Pause.—The Fray about to begin.—Intelligence of Cows and Biddies.—Victory.—A -Calm.—Cow Complainings.—Approaching -Storm.—A Tempest in a back Yard.—Soothing Effects of “Mash.”—Immense -Profits and glorious Prospects for the Future.—Peculiarities -and Eccentricities of the Race as exhibited in a confined -Space.—She is sent to the Country for the benefit of her -Health</td><td class="rt" valign="bottom"><a href="#page_019">19</a></td></tr> - -<tr><th colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_II">CHAPTER II.</a><br /> -<small>A HOUSE, PLANS, AND SPECIFICATIONS.</small></th></tr> - -<tr><td valign="top" class="hang">Wonderful architectural Genius of the Author.—He admires himself -and consults his Friends.—Difficulties in obtaining “just the -Thing.”—Want of Time.—Free Trade in Houses advocated as -superior to Home Production.—The imported Article falls into -the Hands of a Philistine named Barney.—A fresh Arrival.—The -House comes, but the Builder does not.—The Charge of the -Light Brigade, and Flight of the Housekeeper</td><td class="rt" valign="bottom"><a href="#page_037">37</a></td></tr> - -<tr><th colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_III">CHAPTER III.</a><br /> -<small>MORE LIVE-STOCK—A HORSE AND A PIG. WHICH IS THE NOBLER ANIMAL?</small></th></tr> - -<tr><td valign="top" class="hang">Beauties of the Pig.—Defects of the Horse.—The dearest Pig and -the dearest Horse, each in their way.—A haunted House, and the<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_006" id="page_006"></a>{6}</span> -Effect of Ghosts on Horses.—The Ghost Story precisely as it occurred.—Are -Ghosts liable to Damages when they frighten Horses -into fits of running away?—Equine Eccentricities.—Practical Playfulness</td><td class="rt" valign="bottom"><a href="#page_061">61</a></td></tr> - -<tr><th colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_IV">CHAPTER IV.</a><br /> -<small>THE COUNTRY, AND HOW TO GET THERE.</small></th></tr> - -<tr><td valign="top" class="hang">Easy Accessibility of Flushing.—An improving Railroad.—Education -by Steam.—True Principles of Travel</td><td class="rt" valign="bottom"><a href="#page_077">77</a></td></tr> - -<tr><th colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_V">CHAPTER V.</a><br /> -<small>A WELL.</small></th></tr> - -<tr><td valign="top" class="hang">A Well, considered classically and otherwise.—A Cat in search of -the Truth.—A Catastrophe.—Pumps and Vanities of Life.—A -poor Sucker.—Hydraulic Pressure</td><td class="rt" valign="bottom"><a href="#page_086">86</a></td></tr> - -<tr><th colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_VI">CHAPTER VI.</a><br /> -<small>A KITCHEN GARDEN.</small></th></tr> - -<tr><td valign="top" class="hang">Advantages thereof.—Things to have.—You wish you may get them.—Ornamental -as opposed to practical Views.—A dissolving View.—Bad -Beginnings do not always make a good Ending.—Daniel -O’Rourke’s as a grazing Crop.—The new-mown Hay.—Its Flavor -and Flower.—Remarkable Results of Gardening for Profit</td><td class="rt" valign="bottom"><a href="#page_097">97</a></td></tr> - -<tr><th colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_VII">CHAPTER VII.</a><br /> -<small>THE FLOWER GARDEN.</small></th></tr> - -<tr><td valign="top" class="hang">Architectural Skill set at defiance by practical Difficulties.—Result -of too much Greenness.—A Disappointment</td><td class="rt" valign="bottom"><a href="#page_111">111</a></td></tr> - -<tr><th colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_VIII">CHAPTER VIII.</a><br /> -<small>POULTRY.</small></th></tr> - -<tr><td valign="top" class="hang">Strange Attack of Somnolency.—Dogs and Peppers as awakeners.—The -right Thing in the wrong Place.—A Hen lays herself out.—Twenty -pair of Chickens raise the Hair of one Mink</td><td class="rt" valign="bottom"><a href="#page_124">124</a></td></tr> - -<tr><th colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_IX">CHAPTER IX.</a><br /> -<small>FALL WORK.</small></th></tr> - -<tr><td valign="top" class="hang">A Fortune in Strawberries.—How to get it out.—Debility developed.—Science -to the Rescue.—The wonderful Effects of a Liquid Fertilizer.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_007" id="page_007"></a>{7}</span>—No -Farmer should fail to have such a Thing in the -House</td><td class="rt" valign="bottom"><a href="#page_136">136</a></td></tr> - -<tr><th colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_X">CHAPTER X.</a><br /> -<small>PROFIT AND LOSS.</small></th></tr> - -<tr><td valign="top" class="hang">Immense pecuniary Advantages of high old Farming.—Exactitude -the Foundation of Success in Life.—A plain Statement.—General -Reflections.—An amateur Butcher.—Boiled salt Pork</td><td class="rt" valign="bottom"><a href="#page_148">148</a></td></tr> - -<tr><th colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_XI">CHAPTER XI.</a><br /> -<small>THE FLUSHING SKATING-POND—A DIGRESSION.</small></th></tr> - -<tr><td valign="top" class="hang">A nice Man as an Ice-man</td><td class="rt" valign="bottom"><a href="#page_161">161</a></td></tr> - -<tr><th colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_XII">CHAPTER XII.</a><br /> -<small>THE SECOND YEAR.</small></th></tr> - -<tr><td valign="top" class="hang">A new Start, with no Drawbacks.—Immense Results, but not precisely -what was wanted.—The great Pea turns out small.—Wonderful -obstinacy of Plants</td><td class="rt" valign="bottom"><a href="#page_169">169</a></td></tr> - -<tr><th colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_XIII">CHAPTER XIII.</a><br /> -<small>SCIENCE.</small></th></tr> - -<tr><td valign="top" class="hang">Knowledge is Power.—The new Flower.—A Thing of Beauty.—Appearance -contrasted with Perfume.—The Fox is the Finder</td><td class="rt" valign="bottom"><a href="#page_179">179</a></td></tr> - -<tr><th colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_XIV">CHAPTER XIV.</a><br /> -<small>A SECOND DIGRESSION—FAIRY TALES FOR LITTLE FOLKS.</small></th></tr> - -<tr><td valign="top" class="hang">Retributive Justice.—Don’t be such a Goose</td><td class="rt" valign="bottom"><a href="#page_189">189</a></td></tr> - -<tr><th colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_XV">CHAPTER XV.</a><br /> -<small>NUISANCES, INHUMAN AND HUMAN. PETS—THE CHARM OF COUNTRY LIFE.</small></th></tr> - -<tr><td valign="top" class="hang">With a few Reservations.—Flies on the Rampage.—Wonderful Discovery.—Dogs -on Seedlings.—A Hop-toad Hunt</td><td class="rt" valign="bottom"><a href="#page_203">203</a></td></tr> - -<tr><th colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_XVI">CHAPTER XVI.</a><br /> -<small>BUTTER-MAKING. SEEDS AND THE DEVIL.</small></th></tr> - -<tr><td valign="top" class="hang">Butter-making in all its Attractions.—The Cream unequal to the -Emergency.—Some Things can’t be Done as well as Others.—Electrical -Phenomena.—Gathering Seed.—Incidental Reference -to Satan and his Works.—not his agricultural ones<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_008" id="page_008"></a>{8}</span></td><td class="rt" valign="bottom"><a href="#page_216">216</a></td></tr> - -<tr><th colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_XVII">CHAPTER XVII.</a><br /> -<small> -SUCCESS OF THE YEAR.</small></th></tr> - -<tr><td valign="top" class="hang">A second Year’s Balance-sheet.—Still greater Promises.—Success -assured.—Every Man should be his own Market Gardener.—No -dearth of Onions.—Transported at the Result.—The last of the -family Horse.—He closes his Career by a wonderful Feat in drawing -Teeth Page.</td><td class="rt" valign="bottom"><a href="#page_233">233</a></td></tr> - -<tr><th colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_XVIII">CHAPTER XVIII.</a><br /> -<small>PREPARATIONS FOR REMOVAL.</small></th></tr> - -<tr><td valign="top" class="hang">The Window Garden.—Warm Work.—Immense Resources of Science.—Mind -against Matter.—What can the Matter be?—The -new Flower.</td><td class="rt" valign="bottom"><a href="#page_253">253</a></td></tr> - -<tr><th colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_XIX">CHAPTER XIX.</a><br /> -<small>A GREAT RUNNER.</small></th></tr> - -<tr><td valign="top" class="hang">A perfect Jonah.—Very fine, only don’t do it again.—A Gourd -runs away with its Master.—A changeable Crimson.—A new -Specimen of Flax, Red one Year and Yellow the next.</td><td class="rt" valign="bottom"><a href="#page_266">266</a></td></tr> - -<tr><th colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_XX">CHAPTER XX.</a><br /> -<small>A BEAUTIFUL NEW COACH.</small></th></tr> - -<tr><td valign="top" class="hang">A Rockaway stricken with Palsy.—Sudden Recovery.—Honesty of -country Mechanics their best Recommendation.—A Roof over -one’s Head.—Its Necessity, as well as Beauty.—A Fellow-feeling -makes us willing to lend Shingles.—The latter End.</td><td class="rt" valign="bottom"><a href="#page_283">283</a></td></tr> - -<tr><th colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_XXI">CHAPTER XXI.</a><br /> -<small>THREE HUNDRED ACRES NOT ENOUGH.</small></th></tr> - -<tr><td valign="top" class="hang">New Farms.—More Land.—No Rooms for Mushrooms.—Many -Sects of Insects.—The Squash.—Unexpected Fungi.—The -Triumph that Grazed Defeat.—The Joys of Memory.</td><td class="rt" valign="bottom"><a href="#page_297">297</a></td></tr> -</table> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_009" id="page_009"></a>{9}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="INTRODUCTION" id="INTRODUCTION"></a>I N T R O D U C T I O N.</h2> - -<p class="nind"><span class="letra">I</span>T was in consequence of reading a little volume called “Ten Acres -Enough”—a practical and statistical, as well as, in certain points, a -poetical production—that I came to prepare this volume. In that work a -charming and interesting account is given of the successful attempt of a -Philadelphia mechanic to redeem a strip of exhausted land of ten acres -in extent. In the course of it, a vast deal of advice and most valuable -directions are given on the subject of planting and sowing, draining and -reaping, manuring and pruning; berries and fruits, vines and vegetables, -are duly considered; and the question of outlay and income, expenses and -receipts, losses and profits, is forever ding-donged into one’s ears. So -useful is the instruction it contains, that no one should think of -buying a farm, experimenting in rural life, or even reading this book, -without first perusing that one. To be sure, the author forgets -occasionally some minor matters—such as clothing, food, and the<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_010" id="page_010"></a>{10}</span> like, -leaving his family naked and unfed for several years—but that is -doubtless due to his poetical temperament and intense love of nature. In -the same spirit, therefore, no matter how frequently I may refer to -money matters in the course of the following pages, even if I should -occasionally condescend to speak of food and raiment—those commonplace -necessities—it must be understood to be with no sordid view; and if I -keep these matters before the reader’s attention, it will be for the -sole purpose of benefiting and enlightening him, and pointing out -clearly the financial consequence of investing in rural residences.</p> - -<p>The country—how beautiful it is! To a man wearied with the cares of -city life; who has pursued an exhausting profession for several years -with vigorous energy; who has taken a hand in politics, attended -caucuses and Conventions, and helped to “run the machine;” who has a -philanthropic turn of mind, and gone on committees and made public -collections; and who, moreover, has abundant means—this, though last, -is by no means least—the country, with its green leaves, its lovely -flowers, its waving grass, its early vegetables, and its luscious -fruits, is most attractive; and where a residence can be obtained which -combines all these luxuries with pure air, and<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_011" id="page_011"></a>{11}</span> no chills and fever, and -which is not too remote from city life and its attractions, it is as -near to Paradise as this world permits.</p> - -<p>There are many such places near New York. Gorgeous villas dot the banks -of the Hudson, and congregate together thickly on Staten Island; there -are beautiful spots along the coves of Westchester County, and persons -who do not mind expatriating themselves go to Jersey; but there is one -locality that far surpasses all others. The steep banks of the Hudson, -cut off as they are from the westerly winds by the Palisades and higher -hills beyond them, are uncomfortably hot; Staten Island is overrun by -sourkrout-eating, lager-beer-drinking, and small-bird-shooting Germans, -who trespass with Teutonic determination wherever their notions of -sportsmanship or the influence of lager leads them; Westchester County, -like some of our famous <i>prima donnas</i>, is fair to look upon, but great -on shakes—too much so for perfect repose; and Jersey will be a pleasant -place to live in when the inhabitants, individually and as a government, -cease to live off strangers.</p> - -<p>The locality referred to—the chosen spot of this earth—the Eden of a -country village—has none of these drawbacks. An invigorating breeze -blows over pure salt marshes; Germans do not trespass nor<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_012" id="page_012"></a>{12}</span> make one -afraid; no man residing there has ever had a case of chills and fever, -no matter what may have happened to his neighbor, where the boys are -forever out o’ nights and exposed to the dew; and the inhabitants are -always ready to kindly take a stranger in.</p> - -<p>It is a village, and yet country houses stand embosomed in majestic -trees; cows pasture in the vacant lots and bellow in the streets; -nurseries for the propagation of trees and shrubs give a condensed -edition of miniature forests, and furnish in one rod the flowers that -Nature, if left alone to her parsimonious way, would scatter over an -acre; gas is in the residences, pigs root in the public roads, and early -peas are combined with plank side-walks. This unequaled concentration of -attractions can be reached in thirty minutes from either the upper or -lower part of the city—of course New York city is meant, as no one need -leave Philadelphia or Boston to get into the country—and by a most -delightful route, partly on water and partly by railroad. The trains run -every hour all through the day, and the line is the safest in the world. -This spot, so desirable, so infinitely superior to all others, is -Flushing, Long Island.</p> - -<p>I have some property at Flushing which I should<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_013" id="page_013"></a>{13}</span> like to sell in lots to -suit purchasers; in fact, it is five acres of such lots—the five acres -that this book is all about. I owned this superior investment when “Ten -Acres Enough” led me to thinking that if the author could make such a -delicious thing of a plot of sand in New Jersey, as much could probably -be done with half the area in the fine soil of Flushing. Unfortunately, -my land had no improvements, but then it was a magnificent level square, -precisely like a block in the city, and admirably adapted to building. -Otherwise my five acres were full as good as the half of his ten acres; -the grass seemed to be abundant, for the cows of the entire neighborhood -had grazed on it from time immemorial; a previous owner had been once -known to plant cabbages, and the tradition is that they grew and came -out cabbages, and did not, as they usually do, spread themselves and -become very fine but rather loose leaves. The soil was deep, a well -having been sunk on the adjoining property without descending beyond it, -or reaching any water worth speaking of; and the exposure was as sunny -as could be desired—there being only six trees, and one of those in -doubtful health, on the entire five acres. Teachers generally say, on -receiving a new pupil from another master, that there is more trouble to -unlearn than to learn; here there was<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_014" id="page_014"></a>{14}</span> nothing to be undone—everything -was to be done. It was not exactly a virgin soil, but, like a lovely -widow, it had lain fallow—a friendly farmer made use of that word—so -long, that it would be grateful for the touch of a rake or a hoe. There -was no garden, no fence, no orchard, and no fruit-trees of any kind -except one apple-tree, but then the nurseries and a little labor would -make this right.</p> - -<p>An unpleasant suspicion crossed my mind that perhaps it would have been -better if some of these things had been done to my hand, and that -possibly I was not exactly the man to do them in the best way; but a -second perusal of “Ten Acres Enough” was enough for me, and these absurd -doubts were banished forever. If an uneducated mechanic could leave -Philadelphia, rescue a decaying farm, and make it splendidly -remunerative, why could not an educated lawyer from New York convert an -uninjured farm into the eighth or ninth—we Americans have added a few -to them—wonder of the world?</p> - -<p>The affair was as simple as could be. With a class-book of botany, a -recipe from Professor Mapes, a few cuttings of some wonderful new -berry—of which, doubtless, there were plenty, and Bridgman’s -“Gardener’s Assistant,” the result was certain. It was merely a question -of seeds, weeds, and manure—the<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_015" id="page_015"></a>{15}</span> first and last to be encouraged, and -the other to be eradicated.</p> - -<p>After all, what is the wonderful science in farming? You put a seed in -the ground, and it comes up—that is, if it does come up—either a pea -or a bean, a carrot or a turnip, and, with your best skill and greatest -learning, you can not plant a pea and induce it to come up a bean, or -convert a carrot into a turnip. As for planting, any fool can do that, -and as for making it grow, the wisest man in the land can not effect it. -These and a few other similar arguments were entirely conclusive, and -soon visions of the accomplished fact engrossed my mind.</p> - -<p>I should have a neat, modest, small, but cosy little house; square, for -economy’s sake, but surrounded on all sides by a deep piazza; the garden -should be filled with delicious vegetables, fruits, and berries, the -earliest and best of their kinds; there should be a magnificent bed of -asparagus—that king of the kitchen garden—a dozen long rows of -strawberries, with fruit as luscious as a young girl’s lips; Bartlett -pears, early peas, peaches and cream—the latter only indirectly -vegetable—cauliflowers, tomatoes, mushrooms, lettuce—every thing, in -fact, that a gentleman eats when he can get it, and nothing that he -eschews when he can do no better. The residue of the farm<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_016" id="page_016"></a>{16}</span> was to be -partly orchard and partly market garden, and this was to supply the -family during the winter and pay the expenses of the household.</p> - -<p>It is an immense satisfaction, of a hot evening in summer, even in the -prematurely scorching days of June, to leave the city, after a long day -of labor and trouble, and, rushing away with railroad speed into the -country, to enjoy the delicious air and cool breeze, to sit beneath the -outspreading trees, to wander through the woods, to bathe in the brook, -to doze or smoke in the shade. The scent of the blossoms or the hay, or -no smell at all, is such an exquisite relief from the customary odors of -New York streets. The sun seems to lose half and the air to gain double -its ordinary power. The pleasures are so innocent, the matters of -interest so pure, the mind is braced but not wearied. The garden, -whether kitchen or flower garden—those delightful adjuncts of a country -place—is such an infinite source of health, improvement, and delight. -Man, confined to the city by dire necessity of money-making, recognizing -the country as the natural sphere of his existence, dreams of a neat, -quiet, retired country place, and books such as “Ten Acres Enough” -persuade him to convert these dreams into realities.</p> - -<p>I had always been troubled with similar visions,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_017" id="page_017"></a>{17}</span> although by a strange -fatality my education in country matters had been wofully neglected, for -I could hardly distinguish tomato-vines from egg-plants, and had not the -remotest notion of modes or seasons of planting; but, now that there was -a possibility that these imaginings might be realized, I was so charmed, -that I resolved to record my experiences for the guidance and -instruction of others. Thus it came about that this work was written; -and if it is occasionally defective in style and irregular in plan, it -is probably not more so than was my farming.</p> - -<p>In looking over this introduction with a view to getting up a revised -and enlarged edition of “Five Acres too Much” some fifteen years after -the original was written, I find little to add and less to change in it. -Finding my farm of five acres so remarkably improving, productive, and -remunerative, I purchased one of twenty-five, afterwards another of a -hundred and twenty, and now I own, have, hold, possess, till, and enjoy -three hundred and fifty broad acres of health and fertility. To-day I am -the “past grand” of farmers, for I have raised the giant squash which -admits to the innermost circles of the initiated. My readers will be -glad to learn that Patrick is still with me. My farming and my writings -on farm-life would have<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_018" id="page_018"></a>{18}</span> been a failure without his efficient aid, and -he still possesses that versatility of resources which in the original -pages of this work almost elevated him to the rank of genius. I have -added some of our modern experiences, and believe the patient reader -will find them fully equal to anything I had previously chronicled. When -my dear old friend and instructor Mr. Horace Greeley first read my -humble contribution to the literature of plough and spade, he pronounced -the unpleasant criticism that “the man who wrote that book ought to be -kicked.” But I felt that he was in error, or that possibly jealousy -rather than public spirit dictated his cynical words, because “What I -knew about Farming” differed in some essentials from what he knew, -although we had in the main reached the same results. An additional -chapter gives my subsequent operations, which were as gloriously -successful as the previous ones, and prove beyond dispute the delight, -benefit, and profit of rural occupations when they are intelligently -conducted by a citizen of liberal education, scientific attainments, and -vigorous back.</p> - -<p class="r"> -<span class="smcap">The Author.</span><br /> -</p> - -<p>May, 1885.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_019" id="page_019"></a>{19}</span></p> - -<h1>FIVE ACRES TOO MUCH.</h1> - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_I" id="CHAPTER_I"></a>CHAPTER I.<br /><br /> -<small>A COW.</small></h2> - -<p class="nind"><span class="letra">I</span>T was early in winter when I made up my mind finally to erect a country -house on the Flushing five acres. Plans, and size, and arrangements were -in the vague and misty future; for months the ground could not be broken -to build the foundations, and little could be done besides preparing for -the next year. The first thing that seemed of vital importance was the -stock. Pigs and chickens could be obtained at any time; horses had to be -had, of course, but need not bother one till the last moment; but a cow -was a creature that must be taken when a good one offered. Moreover, I -have a weakness for cows: it is a purely theoretical interest, for my -knowledge is less than moderate, not even extending to the mode of -milking them; but their big eyes, and gentle manners, and unnecessary -horns, and split<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_020" id="page_020"></a>{20}</span> feet, have always filled my heart with love and -wonder. Horses are miserable creatures, invariably doing precisely what -they ought not to do, kicking when they ought to go, going when they -ought to stand still, balking when their owner is in the most frantic -haste; forever sick, or lame, or requiring to be shod—a pest, a -nuisance, and a bore. But cows do not balk, or run, or go lame, or need -shoeing; and although they occasionally kick over the milk-pail, it is -probably with good reason or with the best of intentions. They have nice -long coats that keep them from catching cold in winter, and have an odd -way of perspiring through their noses that is as curious as it is -interesting. A cow is a model—without referring to this last -peculiarity—for a wife; she is gentle, good, and beautiful, and never -makes a fuss. The first point, therefore, was to buy a cow.</p> - -<p>I had a friend living at Flushing named Augustus Weeville, who had been -there several years, and who had acquired great knowledge of the -intricacies of rural performances, and, among other things, was learned -in cows. In fact, he was learned in most farming matters, and, being -naturally proud of his adopted village, and interested in my success in -emigrating thither, gave me throughout his valuable advice and -assistance.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_021" id="page_021"></a>{21}</span></p> - -<p>Of course, his aid was called in on the cow question, and equally, of -course, he knew an Irishman—by-the-by, what can be the reason that -Irishmen are the only people that have cows to sell? Is it because they -love cows, or hate them? The whole world knows their “strong weakness” -for pigs, but do they collect rare specimens of cows out of pure -affection, to dispose of to curiosity-seekers having good homes? Or is -it that they love pigs too well to endure the presence of a rival, and -dispose of the bovine race as fast as they obtain them? However that may -be, if you ever want a cow, an Irishman will want to sell you one; and -this particular Irishman had a particularly fine animal—just the thing -for the occasion.</p> - -<p>Before purchasing, I made a few elementary inquiries—as to what cows -eat, how much exercise they needed, in what manner they were to be -stabled, and how many quarts of oats they would require daily. My friend -replied that they preferred a warm mash, to be given three times a day; -and when he saw from my countenance that my mind was a blank on the -subject of warm mashes, he explained that hot water was poured upon bran -and meal mixed, and that the mixture was then usually called a mash, -although why and wherefore he could not distinctly<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_022" id="page_022"></a>{22}</span> say. Then, carried -away by the extent of his knowledge, and rousing to the subject, he went -into the habits of cows in general; that he thought ship-stuff was an -excellent change of diet; that they liked hay, turnips, carrots, -potato-peelings, bread, slops of all kinds that were not greasy; that -they were not fed oats, and required no exercise and no care, in the -stable, but stood in the sun all day long, winking and blinking with -contentment, and put themselves to bed at night; that the one he -referred to was not young, but gentle and a good milker; and mentioned -incidentally that he hardly knew where I would keep her in the city, as -no cow would ever go down the area steps and through a narrow hall-way -into a back yard.</p> - -<p>Now I knew nothing of bran, and meal, and ship-stuff, and only listened -with an attempt at an intelligent smile, satisfied that the articles -could be purchased by name, and without explaining their nature; but I -was well aware that the yard was the only place in which to keep the -cow, and that the road to it was down the steps and through the lower -hall; at least, if there was any other way thither, I had not yet -discovered it, and I had owned my house then some twenty years. So this -casual objection was quite a serious one, and we were compelled to -discuss the<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_023" id="page_023"></a>{23}</span> feasibility of leading the animal up the front steps—a -proceeding, however, which would have required her to go down the back -ones—or hoisting her over the fence. As these measures did not seem -practicable, and a cow must be had, my friend mildly suggested that -several Irishmen with a stout rope might drag her through the -passage-way; and as my faith in the nature of cows was illimitable, it -was determined to make the purchase on the chance. The weight of a cow -was to me an utterly unknown quantity, and the floor she was to pass -over having once, on a previous occasion, and without any great strain, -given way, a carpenter had to be called in to strengthen it. He, in his -enthusiasm, and being probably as ignorant as myself, used so many -supports that it would have been strong enough to carry an elephant, -while four able-bodied men were engaged from a neighboring stable, and -provided with a good-sized rope, so that we were fully prepared for any -emergency.</p> - -<p>In order that there may be no mistake in the debit and credit of this -transaction, it must be known that the cow cost $100, to be delivered at -the door free of charge. So this sum must be charged to principal as so -much invested in stock, whether it ever entered my back yard or not; and -the interest on it will hereafter<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_024" id="page_024"></a>{24}</span> be one of the current expenses, -amounting, at seven per cent., to exactly $7 a year. It is essential -that these matters should be watched; “look after the pennies, and the -pounds will take care of themselves;” and the point would be whether the -cow’s milk and so forth would hereafter pay $7 annually net profit.</p> - -<p>The day appointed to receive my new pet arrived, and with it the animal, -while four brawny, red-handed Irishmen, strong enough to pick her up and -carry her if she resisted, were at the door. They at once became -excited, and prepared for action, and the cow looked wild and -threatening as they closed in around her. Her owner, who was leading her -with a cord, called out “soo-so-o-o” in a deprecatory manner, that -evidently produced no effect; he, however, got her head to the first -step, where she hesitated, and began to sniff suspiciously. The moment -of action had evidently come, and I was about to shout to my supporters, -who had been carefully instructed as to their duties, “Up, guards, and -at her,” when the lower door opened, and an intelligent Irish female -appeared, holding a turnip in her hand. The effect was magical; the -creature’s countenance changed instantly; turnips evidently had been -scarce with her, or her owner, not thinking it worth while to waste -food<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_025" id="page_025"></a>{25}</span> that would not be paid for, had left her hungry; she advanced her -nose expectantly, and, as the tempting viand was skillfully withdrawn, -followed it and the “retiring maid” down the steps, through the hall, -and into the yard.</p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_025_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_025_sml.jpg" width="337" height="279" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p>Four natives of the “Gem of the Sea” were sadly disappointed; they came -for an “illegant bit of a scrimmage,” and determined to make that cow do -what she did not want to do, as well as increase their reward by -extraordinary violence; and they would have liked to follow her, and, as -they could not make<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_026" id="page_026"></a>{26}</span> her go in, make her come out against her will, and -without the allurement of turnips. Of this satisfaction her -incomprehensible behavior had deprived them, and they went away sad and -disappointed men. This incident only placed the character of cows on a -still more exalted pedestal, and fully justified my confidence.</p> - -<p>My friend Weeville had given me specific directions in writing how to -feed that cow; exactly how much bran—of which, after some trouble, and -a vain attempt to buy a few pounds of it, I had obtained a bag—was to -be mixed with a certain proportion of meal; and how often daily this -mess, which is probably English for mash, covered with warm water, was -to be fed; and about how much hay would fill up the intervals. These -instructions were carefully transmitted to the servant who had charge of -the dairy, with particular injunctions to carry them out to the letter, -and not to deviate from them in the smallest particular.</p> - -<p>For several days my new purchase demeaned herself unexceptionably, being -quiet and well-behaved; but at the end of about a week she began to -bellow, and kept on increasing her complaints daily until they became -unendurable. Neighbors put their heads out of windows, evidently -meditating dire resolves<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_027" id="page_027"></a>{27}</span> unless “something were done, and that -shortly,” whenever I went into the yard to appease her.</p> - -<p>What to do was not very clear. When my dog howls I go out and whip him, -and he appears to think that is the right thing to do, and stops; but a -cow is such a big thing to whip, and she did not seem to be in the least -mollified by a few strokes of a stick that I tried. Gratitude for my -good opinion should have induced that cow to take a hint from her equine -friends and put a “bridle on her tongue,” but, instead of doing so, she -gave free vent to her feelings, and, in spite of petting or flogging, -abusing or praising, made “the air musical.” My exalted admiration for -her race diminished as sleep fled from my pillow, and murderous thoughts -possessed my soul. I seemed to see a dagger “with its handle to my -hand,” which looked much like a butcher’s knife, and there was an -estrangement springing up between us that might have terminated fatally -had not the Celtic heroine of the turnip adventure reappeared. With the -energy peculiar to that sympathetic race, the lady of the kitchen -announced, “It was starving, the poor baste was; and if the master would -let her feed the crayture all she wanted, there would be no more noise -at all, at all.” That consent was not long withheld; one more roar -removed all scruples of dignity,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_028" id="page_028"></a>{28}</span> superior intelligence, and the like, -and Biddy fled to the meal-tub. She returned in ten minutes with the -biggest tub of mash the cow or myself had ever seen. The former—not -Biddy, but the cow—plunged her nose into it nearly to the eyes, and -devoured it without once pausing, and then did the like with a -replenished dish. My opinion of the intelligence of cows and Biddies was -elevated, and I concluded cow-feeding was not my specialty. With those -two feeds, or more properly gluts, of mash, comfort returned to my -household.</p> - -<p>About the time that these events occurred, milkmen had concluded that -the lacteal fluid—or what they sold for such—was scarce and valuable, -and they raised the price to the rate of twelve cents a quart. Our cow, -which had been baptized with the name of Cushy, gave about eleven quarts -daily, and as the household only needed six, there was a clear opening -for profit to the extent of sixty cents a day. Pure milk is rather a -rarity—by which is intimated that it is not universal—in the milkmen’s -carts in the great city of New York, where that of a watery consistency -and cerulean hue is more common than the dull, pale opaque of the real -article. In fact, it is said by dairymen that milk just as it comes from -the cow is heating—too heating for persons confined to<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_029" id="page_029"></a>{29}</span> the narrow and -unhealthy limits of a city, and should have a little dash of fresh water -to take the fire out.</p> - -<p>In spite of their convincing arguments, however, an individual was found -so little alive to the excellence of the dealer’s milky way as to be -ready not merely to pay the current price, but to supply his own cans -and send for the milk. This opened a magnificent vista; it was the first -of the long series of profits that were to flow in one steady stream -from the country place or its accompaniments. If one cow yielded a clear -daily income of sixty cents, that a hundred or a thousand would yield -proportionally more was merely a question in the rule of three.</p> - -<p>There was one little matter, however, that somewhat impaired the full -measure of this success. The haymakers, or whoever they are that own -hay, had raised the price of their goods to keep pace with the price of -milk, so that hay was at the moderate rate of two dollars or two dollars -and a half a hundred pounds. Moreover, that was an uncommonly -intelligent cow, and she used her superior gifts to assure her own -comforts, regardless of my feelings or my profits. The hay was stored in -a closet under the steps that led down into the yard, and, in spite of -every care and contrivance to keep her out, Cushy would open the door, -and not only help herself to all<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_030" id="page_030"></a>{30}</span> she wanted, but throw down armfuls -under her feet, and then, like all her dainty race, she would utterly -refuse to eat whatever had become dirty. If the door was latched, she -pushed the latch up; if bars were placed across, she removed them with -her horns; if a rope was used, she broke or stretched it; and if she -could not get in otherwise, she would tear the whole away.</p> - -<p>After trying many plans, the door was ingeniously hung from the top, so -that, as was supposed, it would effectually prevent her unauthorized -inroads; but next day it was found at the other end of the yard, having -been carried thither on her head. Besides, the amount of hay she ate -seemed to have no effect in diminishing the quantity of mash she wanted; -rather she appeared to carry into practice the deceptive proposition of -the stingy father to his hungry sons—that he who ate the most meat -should have the most pie—by demanding more bran the more hay she -consumed.</p> - -<p>In spite of these drawbacks she was an immense convenience. Her -manufactory seemed to work better than more scientific and artificial -arrangements, and turned out a more agreeable article than the most -skillful chemical milkman. However disgraceful to human nature is the -confession, science is nowhere<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_031" id="page_031"></a>{31}</span> against a cow. To be sure, she would on -wash-days carry a few clothes off the lines, and drag them around in the -most nonchalant and unconcerned way conceivable; would even now and then -get her horns mixed up with the lines generally, and pull out half a -dozen hooks; but the moment this was done she was entirely satisfied, -and would stand perfectly quiet until she was disencumbered. She made -more dirt than was altogether sightly, and a man had to be engaged to -come daily and remove it.</p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_031_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_031_sml.jpg" width="338" height="282" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p>These various eccentricities added somewhat to her cost, and made it -difficult to compute the amount<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_032" id="page_032"></a>{32}</span> accurately; but, apart from the value -of clothes and clothes-lines, her feed cost thirty dollars a month, and -the man’s attendance six more. So long as she kept on giving twelve -quarts a day, there was a clear profit of four cents daily, besides the -thorough manuring of the yard, which with farmers is an important point, -and would have been more valuable in this instance if it had been -possible to grow any thing in it, and had it not been, unfortunately, -that, for some unknown reason, not even a spear of grass had ever been -willing to exist there.</p> - -<p>The quantity of milk, however, soon began to diminish, until, after six -weeks, the arrangement with our neighbor had to be discontinued. This -reduced the profit, although Cushy still gave more than an abundance for -our family, and there would have been a loss had not hay and bran come -up to the occasion by coming down in price. The reader, therefore, must -call upon the author of “Ten Acres Enough” to determine, by a few -algebraical eliminations, whether, if a cow’s yield falls off more or -less, and her feed diminishes in price considerably, there is a loss or -profit, and if so, why so, and how much. For my part, I never could -arrive at any satisfactory conclusion except that pure milk and fresh -cream were, either combined or separate, very satisfactory.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_033" id="page_033"></a>{33}</span></p> - -<p>Cushy had an excellent disposition; she never exhibited but one evil -passion, and that was for the meal-tub: she would feed from the hand or -a pail, or, in fact, in any way, so long as she was fed enough. Upon -this regimen she waxed fat, until it became a serious question whether -she would ever again pass out of the doors that it was at first doubtful -whether she would enter. Her stomach was of goodly size when she came, -and I did not wonder that it occupied so much of her thoughts; but it -grew prodigiously, and she had a way of standing still by the hour, with -her head under the clothes on the lines, when the sun began to grow hot -in the spring, or of lying at full length in their shade, that was -evidently conducive to corpulency. When she wanted her meals, which she -did not only at frequent intervals, but whenever any one came into the -yard, she would go to the kitchen window, and, thrusting forward her -head as far as the bars permitted, would “moo” gently to express her -wants. If not attended to immediately, she would soon speak louder, and -at last would demand food in the most peremptory tone of stentorian -bovine lungs. She invariably had her desires gratified, and thus was -this interesting evidence of intelligence greatly developed. She had an -amusing way of playing with whatever boxes or baskets<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_034" id="page_034"></a>{34}</span> might be left in -the yard, somewhat regardless, to be sure, of their fragile nature; she -would carry them on her head round about, and occasionally pin them to -the earth with a thrust of her horns; and if she found the stable, which -was of wood, close and uncomfortable, she now and then walked out of it -through the side, but did these things in so unconscious a way that no -one could find fault.</p> - -<p>She kept on growing fat and fatter—(to continue her history and -somewhat anticipate events)—until summer came, and it was necessary to -send her to the country. Then the services of another Irishman, of -course, were called into requisition, and he started off from the house -with her, early one morning in June, to lead her eight miles to her -future home at Flushing. Neither himself nor the cow was heard of again -till late that night, when, with startled countenance, he related his -adventures to my friend Weeville. He had hardly turned the corner before -a butcher rushed out and announced that he wanted to buy that cow. -Patrick indignantly refused, true to the aristocratic Irish idea that -the employer is always above disposing of any thing; but the butcher was -irrepressible, and, pulling out his wallet, offered ninety-five dollars -for her; but Pat retorted. “You’ll not get the likes of her for -ninety-five dollars.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_035" id="page_035"></a>{35}</span>” This the would-be purchaser mistook for a haggle -over price, and demanded how much she would be sold for, when Patrick, -breaking away from him with indignation, answered resolutely, “She is -not for sale at all, at all, but going to the country for air and -grass.”</p> - -<p>“But it’s an awful time I’ve had with her,” he continued, in his -narration. “Sure and didn’t she lay down with me twelve times, and -didn’t I think every blessed time that she would niver get up again? Her -tongue hung out a yard, in spite of me watering her at every trough -along the road. She kept me ever since tin o’clock this very morning, -and would stop to rest whenever she felt like it, until I began to think -I shouldn’t get home till next day.”</p> - -<p>Thus Cushy exhibited another evidence of her intelligence. As she had -heretofore insisted upon being fed whenever she was hungry, she now had, -with equal peremptoriness, demanded rest when she was tired. Fat and -unaccustomed to travel, she made the Irishman conform to her views of -speed, like the superior being she was, knowing well that he was only -sent to wait on and accompany her in her journey. She was evidently -pleased with the country, being found next morning up to her knees<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_036" id="page_036"></a>{36}</span> in -clover; and, had it not been for the attacks of a gadfly, which she -resented furiously, she would have led a perfectly happy life. She -certainly was a model animal. My presentiments of success were not -mistaken, and I felt almost like claiming, with the modest author of -“Ten Acres Enough,” that my impressions were never wrong.</p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_036_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_036_sml.jpg" width="244" height="257" alt="Image unavailable: PORTRAIT OF A LADY." /></a> -<br /> -<span class="caption">PORTRAIT OF A LADY.</span> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_037" id="page_037"></a>{37}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_II" id="CHAPTER_II"></a>CHAPTER II.<br /><br /> -<small>A HOUSE, PLANS, AND SPECIFICATIONS.</small></h2> - -<p class="nind"><span class="letra">I</span>F there is any one thing on which I do pride myself more than another, -it is my ability to plan and lay out a house. No matter how remarkable -the shape of the lot may be, I can always devise an admirable -arrangement; and if architecture, not law, had been my fate, the public -would have been surprised at my productions. To be sure, chimneys have -an inconvenient habit of coming up through windows, and windows of -getting in the way of partitions, or locating themselves in odd and -unsymmetrical places; sometimes the only passage from the kitchen to the -front door, after my plan is completed, will turn out to be through -every room on the first floor, and occasionally the stairs will be -omitted; but these are matters for the practical builder to correct—the -great point is to mark out the general scheme scientifically.</p> - -<p>Of course, therefore, the first thing to do toward<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_038" id="page_038"></a>{38}</span> building my intended -house was to prepare the plans. A large house—a huge pile of wood or -brick—is an abomination, and it costs so outrageously (the profit or -loss was never out of my mind); but there seems to be a limit in -reduction of size that can not be surpassed. I at once proceeded to lay -out an admirable plan for a house twenty-four feet square, a neat, nice, -cosy, comfortable little cottage; and this is an economical size, -because it requires precisely two lengths of board. I arranged for a -grand hall through the centre, and a piazza round three sides; there -were four rooms on each floor, and it would have been perfection had not -the parlor and dining-room proved to be only about seven feet by twelve, -which, after some careful measurements, was determined to be rather -small.</p> - -<p>However, the plan had so many recommendations that I determined to make -an effort with it. In my younger days I had passed much time in -Connecticut, and had there seen houses of the nicest kind, attractive -inside and out, and which were said to cost only a few thousand dollars -apiece. A friend of mine, residing on Long Island Sound, had imported -one, which came to him cut out, sawed and marked, ready to be put up. -So, having determined to try something of the same nature, I inquired -the<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_039" id="page_039"></a>{39}</span> name of the maker, and sent him my plan, requesting an estimate. -Instead of returning me an estimate by which I could readily calculate -for a little increase of size, the stupid fellow replied that he would -come to New York and show me some plans of his own. I wrote a severe -letter in answer, saying that I wanted an estimate, not a plan. Since -then I have not heard from the gentleman, and believe he is still -studying out the beauties of my arrangement, and will, one of these -days, come before the world as a great architect on the strength of my -abilities.</p> - -<p>Not to be put down or deterred, however, I made other plans, some of -which had the kitchen outside, some in the basement, and others on the -first floor. In one there was a piazza on all sides, in another there -was no piazza whatever; some had the servants in the garret, others -placed them in the cellar. I was ready to erect an entirely new house, -or to convert an old barn that was near the premises into two or three -houses. There was nothing that my resources were not equal to, and the -drawings would have furnished quite a new stock in trade for a young -architect.</p> - -<p>My friends gave me their advice. They respectively assured me that I -could not live with my kitchen in a wing, and could not exist if it were -any<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_040" id="page_040"></a>{40}</span> where else; that I would be robbed if the servants were in the -attic, and robbed and murdered if they were on the ground floor; that no -house was worth building unless it were filled in with brick, and that -brick filling was a mere waste of money; that it would be hot as an oven -if it was not double boarded, or if it was double boarded and not double -plastered; that every floor must be deafened, or that the noise overhead -would be unendurable, and that deafening would be of no use whatever; -that the roof must be of gravel, or it would leak, and if made of gravel -it would break the entire building down; that oiling was the true mode -of protecting the woodwork, and that nothing whatever but paint would -answer; that the natural wood was the most beautiful trimming, and that -only stained or painted woodwork was decent; that the proper way was to -paper the walls, and that no paper would stick on fresh walls. There was -much more equally valuable advice, for which I was exceedingly grateful, -and desire again publicly to thank my friends.</p> - -<p>While ruminating over these statements and my various different -projects, I was struck with the appearance of a neat little house in one -of the streets of the village. It was a parallelogram, which is the most -practical and economical shape for a house, and<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_041" id="page_041"></a>{41}</span> had a modest little -piazza in front, and a pretty French roof above. The internal -arrangement, with such modifications as my superior experience -immediately dictated, was absolute perfection. The building was only -twenty-four feet by thirty-six, yet there were seven comfortable rooms -on the first and second floors, the parlor moderately large, the -dining-room long and narrow to suit a dinner-table, and the bedrooms of -admirable proportion. I determined at once, with the heroism of -self-control, to abandon my own fancies, and to look and think no -farther; but, having completed my modifications, gave them to a -draughtsman, to be expressed in builders’ signs and particularized with -specifications. This event suggested the following beautiful sentiment: -It often happens that, while we are roaming over the world to gratify -our desires, the precise article for the purpose is at our very doors.</p> - -<p>The drawings and specifications were soon made out in gorgeous style; -there was a beautiful picture of what the house would look like, with an -amount of finish and moulding that did the draughtsman great credit, -showing the inside and outside, sections and ground plans, stairs and -closets; and the specifications provided how every nail was to be -driven, and were completed with a minuteness that would<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_042" id="page_042"></a>{42}</span> set imposition -at defiance. When finished, they were submitted to several builders for -estimates.</p> - -<p>This happened at a time when, although the inflation of gold had passed -its culminating point, labor and materials were at their highest. The -builders, smarting under the recollection of unprofitable contracts made -on a rising market, were deaf to my eloquent observations on the -certainty of a rapid fall in the value of articles at a time when the -war was manifestly drawing to a close. They had lost faith not only in -the ninety-days’ theory of our leading modern statesman, but that the -rebellion would die other than a lingering death, and refused -obstinately to be convinced. Some of them offered to oversee the work on -a commission, by which ingenious arrangement the more they wasted the -more they would make. Others charged nearly double what was the fair -value, insisting upon allowing for a farther rise in prices. One man was -so entirely overcome that, after keeping the plans a month, he returned -them secretly, ran away, and was never heard of afterward.</p> - -<p>New York being pretty much exhausted by this time, application was made -to the carpenters of Flushing. With one exception, they declined the -job, as they called it, entirely; but this one put in<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_043" id="page_043"></a>{43}</span> the lowest -estimate that had yet been made, so that the reader will perceive that -Flushing contains not merely the finest building-lots and the gentlest -cows, but the most intelligent and enterprising carpenters. There was -only one difficulty in the way of closing with this proposal, and that -was, as he coolly informed me, that he could not finish the house till -next winter. Now I wanted a summer residence, not a winter one. The city -is a sane man’s home in bleak and stormy weather, but in the summer -solstice the green fields and fragrant pastures, limpid brooks and shady -trees, tempt an equally sane man (meaning myself, of course) into the -country. It is true, much time had been wasted over specifications and -estimates, especially by the man who ran away, and the spring was pretty -well advanced; but that house had to be done by July. So, as it was -impossible to accept the services of the intelligent Flushing mechanic, -or to make use of the admirably planned Flushing house, it became -necessary to cast about for some other means of accomplishing the -object.</p> - -<p>Over against the eastern end of that barren and crooked point of land -known as Cape Cod, which, projecting into the ocean, considers the -object of its being accomplished when it protects and shelters the “Hub -of the Universe,” lie three islands that were,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_044" id="page_044"></a>{44}</span> in early days, according -to unquestionable tradition, the estate and property of an elderly -gentleman who was blessed with three daughters. On his death the ladies -are supposed to have divided the property among them. The daughters’ -names were Anna, Martha, and Naomi, and their names appertain to the -islands still. The largest is called Martha’s Vineyard, showing that -Martha had the good sense to cultivate the luscious fruit, although the -strict Puritan customs of those times may have forbidden her enjoying -its juice, except, perhaps, in the Puritan way—on the sly. Anna took -the next largest island, which from that day has been called Nantookit, -or Nantucket, the graceful Anna being vulgarized into the familiar Nan. -Naomi’s land has since been converted into Nomansland; and well it -might, for no man would have been contented with such a portion while -brothers carried off the broad acres of the neighboring islands, and few -women, except such submissive creatures as Naomis and Cinderellas are -popularly supposed to be.</p> - -<p>Of this group, Nantucket was once flourishing and populous, with a large -tonnage of whalemen, and a goodly population of whaling-men—where money -was so plenty and morals so pure that theft was unknown and hackmen -charged fair prices. This modern<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_045" id="page_045"></a>{45}</span> Arcadia, however, was sadly affected -by the rapid diminution of whales, was injured by the invention of -kerosene, and ruined by the discovery of petroleum, the barbarous names -of which had been, until lately, unknown in all that country. Whales -tried, for a time, to compete with these innovations, but, finding the -effort useless, gave up in disgust, and retired to their northern homes -beyond the reach of man. This would have made little difference if ships -were used in obtaining petroleum; but, although enthusiasts suppose it -comes from the decayed bones of whales that existed when this old world -was young, they had been buried “deeper than ever plummet sounded” -beneath the accumulations of modern dust; so the whalemen, being -useless, were sunk in Charleston Harbor, and the whaling-men sought -“green fields and pastures new” in California.</p> - -<p>Nan’s inheritance went to decay, and her people were our people—that -is, they learned to cheat, and the hackmen imitated their fellows. -Population diminished, building lots were worthless, and one half the -houses were vacant. But the inhabitants were a Scriptural people, and, -remembering how the patriarchal tribes, when water and grass became -scarce, struck their tents and struck out for better quarters, they -pulled down every man his house—and not only<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_046" id="page_046"></a>{46}</span> that, but every woman her -house—and carried them over to the main land. It was at the zenith of -this exodus that my troubles culminated, and hearing of a spot where the -inhabitants had each a house to sell, and wanting the article myself, -without more ado I ordered one to be delivered at Flushing.</p> - -<p>It was not necessary to see the new domicile; it was sufficient that it -came from Nantucket, the home of purity and truth, and to be put up by a -Nantucketan, doubtless a specimen of these qualities. He contracted to -pull it down, transport it to Flushing, and erect it on the premises -aforesaid, as we lawyers say, by the seventh day of July then next -ensuing; and if he failed so to do, then he was to forfeit and pay the -sum of ten dollars for each and every day’s default and delay over and -beyond such day as aforesaid; provided, however, nevertheless, if he -finished and completed such house before the first day of July, he was -to receive a further sum of ten dollars a day for each day that the same -should be so finished and completed before the said last mentioned, to -wit, the first day of July then next ensuing. His name was Sille—not -silly, as our New York builders would call him if they read those -provisions which, I think, do not disgrace my profession, and which of -themselves are more than worth, to the reader, the cost of this book.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_047" id="page_047"></a>{47}</span></p> - -<p>The contractor soon sent me a rough diagram of the house. It was not -exactly according to my views; instead of being an economical -parallelogram, it was made up of angles and eccentricities; the -architecture was of the conglomerate style, the main building being -Doric and the extension Corinthian; the former having a peaked roof so -perpendicular that it seemed as if it never would come to a point, and -that a fly would have difficulty in maintaining a foothold on it, and -the latter being so flat that a ball would hardly roll off the eaves. -The whole was ornamented with an unlimited amount of trimming and -moulding, and there were windows of all shapes and characters. There was -stained glass in the front and rear doors, plain glass in some windows, -and parti-colored panes in others; there were windows where no one would -expect them, and blanks where one would naturally expect windows. It -might have been called a model of surprises. To a person who prided -himself on his abilities for laying out a plan economically and -advantageously, this was discouraging; but, after all, to a philosophic -mind, so long as the necessary accommodation is obtained, the particular -plan makes little difference.</p> - -<p>Flushing is a small place, and any unusual occurrence throws it into a -wild state of excitement.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_048" id="page_048"></a>{48}</span> Some one had been moving a house down its -main street in the ordinary manner, with rollers and a windlass, and its -slow rate of progression led to much animadversion, and many remarks -that in a country village pass for jokes. One by-stander wanted to know -whether it had stopped at the corner to take a drink, another desired to -inquire whether it was going to the city for a visit, and a third -sarcastically pointed out its rate of speed as an example for the -railroad company to imitate. The Flushing <i>Gazette</i> took the matter up, -and had an editorial every week on the progress of the house. So the -reader can imagine what was the effect when the Flushingites learned -that a stranger was about bringing a house from Nantucket. The <i>Gazette</i> -entered into the subject with spirited hilarity, hoping that it would -move faster than the “pattern house,” and wondering whether it would -sail down or come by land—suggesting that the other houses, the old -settlers, ought to call on the new-comer—and generally made itself -quite facetious over the affair.</p> - -<p>After signing his agreement, Mr. Sille disappeared, it was supposed, to -look up the house, and the foundation was rapidly completed by a -resident mason; but neither he nor the house reappeared. Weeks went by; -the prophecies of the incredulous were being<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_049" id="page_049"></a>{49}</span> confirmed; those who had -“known better” all along were in high spirits; the evidence was -altogether against the success of the new enterprise, and were among the -most favorable. It was rumored that contractor, house, and all had gone -down in a storm on the Long Island Sound. In the midst of these dreadful -rumors, a vessel appeared one morning at the dock near the premises, and -landed bricks, beams, and timbers—evidently what had been once a house, -and what must be a house again. The whole aspect of affairs changed; -hilarity succeeded gloom; doubts disappeared; hopes grew into -certainties; and the mason who was building the foundation engaged all -the carts, trucks, and wagons in the village to transport what he called -“the stuff” to my premises. He drove down in a great state of -excitement—only to find the gate to the dock closed and locked.</p> - -<p>Here was an unexpected block to the wheels of progress. There was a -high, strong gate. On one side, all the vehicles of Flushing; on the -other, a mass of timber, joists, boards, and shingles, supposed to -represent a house. On careful investigation, it turned out that an -Irishman named Barney—whether it was something Barney or Barney -something, no one ever knew, as he was invariably called simply<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_050" id="page_050"></a>{50}</span> -Barney—had hired the dock, and demanded “his damages” before he would -allow “the stuff” to leave. Here was a predicament—my house landed, all -the transportation of the village ready to remove it, and an obstinate -Irishman named Barney barring the way. He was immovable, however, -insisting upon “his damages;” so the carts, and wagons, and trucks drove -away, and the Irish character came under a lively discussion. The -inhabitants of the Emerald Isle are certainly a magnificent race, -especially when their biographer does not happen to own a house which -has strayed on their land, and does want to run for alderman; and if -they did not lie, steal, cheat, rob, murder, get drunk, perjure -themselves, quarrel, fight, and insist upon damages unreasonably, they -would be almost as good as other nations. Barney was evidently a -superior Irishman, and, as no one had ever landed a load of house at his -dock before, and probably never would again, he felt that the dignity of -tenants was at stake, and must be sustained.</p> - -<p>When these facts were reported to me I took down my law-books, and -prepared a rod for Mr. Barney. There was the clear right to land at a -public dock; there was the clear wrong of detaining property belonging -to another. Damages began to loom up before<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_051" id="page_051"></a>{51}</span> my eyes, and a very pretty -case as introduction to a lucrative legal practice in the place of my -newly-intended residence. Vistas of writs, and suits, and appeals, and -new trials, rose in my mind in graceful array, and I thanked Barney, who -was reported to be not only “ugly,” but responsible, with all my heart. -There were two difficulties in the way of legal action—first, that -until the suit was terminated the residence could not be built; -secondly, that Sille, who would have to be plaintiff, had disappeared -from the sight of man. Now the house might be delayed, as the damages -would thus be increased; but a suit without a plaintiff was beyond -ordinary legal remedies, and was not provided for even by the new Code -of Procedure. So Barney, Irishman-like, in spite of law, justice, sense, -or hospitality, kept my house, or rather intended house, by “force and -arms,” and the cellar and foundation were completed alone.</p> - -<p>A cellar is a delightful part of a house, it is so cool in summer and -warm in winter; it is such a nice place to store “things,” as the -housewives call them; but to have all cellar and no house is carrying -the point too far. It is a pleasant place when surmounted by the proper -amount of beams and mortar, but alone is like an alligator’s -countenance, altogether too open. I am not particular, and could<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_052" id="page_052"></a>{52}</span> have -made out during the summer months, probably, if the cellar had only been -upside down.</p> - -<p>The foundation was built, the mason was out of work, and myself out of -humor, when we were both again raised to the pinnacle of happiness by -the arrival of another vessel, which fortunately selected another dock, -and landed another house. On inquiry, it appeared that this was my -house. Lest the reader may suppose that Nantucket was so overflowing -with houses that they floated down the Sound and drifted ashore any -where, it must be explained that the first house was merely the -workshop. So the carts and trucks reappeared, and this time carried away -the <i>débris</i> of what was once the house of some bluff seafaring -man—timbers that were shivered, as he had no doubt often requested they -should be, doors, windows, shingles, pieces of roof, floor-boards, -posts, moulding, and a thousand other odds, ends, bits, and pieces, in -the most admired confusion—and deposited them upon my entire five -acres, scattered hither and thither, as though they were component parts -of five houses instead of one.</p> - -<p>As Mr. Sille had not come with the house, but was to arrive the next -day—for it appeared he had been storm-bound in some of the numerous -“bights,” as the Yankees call them, of Nantucket or Martha<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_053" id="page_053"></a>{53}</span>’s -Vineyard—he sent a watchman who was to sleep among the “stuff,” and -prevent Mr. Barney’s compatriots from converting it into firewood.</p> - -<p>Mr. Sille was to arrive the next day. Week after week went by, but he -did not appear. The house lay on the ground as though a hundred-pound -rebel shell had dropped into the cellar and scattered it to the four -winds of heaven; the watchman waited, watched, and prayed, doubtless, -for relief, till his money was spent, and his shoes worn out, and his -coat thread-bare; I alternated between imbecility and fury; Barney even -was overcome, and sent word begging to have the workshop, which had been -placed on top of a pile of his hay, removed; and Flushing made it the -regular fashionable evening drive to visit my five acres to see how the -house was—not getting on.</p> - -<p>In about a month, when the mason had almost become crazy, myself -frantic, and Barney idiotic, Sille reappeared from Nantucket or some -other remote spot, looking like the ghost of his former self, and -announced that he had been at the point of death. Not taking into -consideration for a moment my losses and sufferings, he absolutely -wanted sympathy; in the first place, he must nearly drown himself, and -now he must catch the erysipelas, and expect me to feel for any one but -myself. I asked him sternly<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_054" id="page_054"></a>{54}</span> whether this was his habit with every house -that he moved, and explained that it must not happen again; that I had -been sick too—very sick of the whole affair; that the watchman had -become demoralized and run away; that it was nearly midsummer, and that -all Flushing was laughing at us.</p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_054_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_054_sml.jpg" width="192" height="326" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p>The watchman lived in a little place not larger than a good-sized -dog-kennel that he constructed from pieces of roof, and the boys of the -neighborhood<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_055" id="page_055"></a>{55}</span> considered it fine sport to pay him a visit of a dark -night, and signalize their presence by a shower of stones. His food was -never luxurious, being cooked by himself under many disadvantages and -with few utensils; and when his money became scant, it was supplied -mainly through the charity of the neighbors. He had no bedding and no -change of clothes; and when a murder was committed near by, and the -murderer was hunted through the place by constables, officers, and half -the people as <i>posse comitatus</i>, accompanied by all the dogs in the -village; and the crowd, yelling, screaming, and fighting, rushed over -the watchman’s kennel at midnight, waking him out of sleep, he could -stand it no longer, but incontinently fled to parts unknown; so that -Sille had not arrived too soon, and found every thing needing care and -attention. He went to work at once, and, bringing order out of chaos, -began rapidly to construct the confused mass of material into the form -and stature of a dwelling.</p> - -<p>Murders are abhorrent things to me; either from some natural -idiosyncracy, or from the training of my profession, which teaches -obedience to the powers that be, and prefers technicalities to violence, -I have a positive objection to murdering any one or being murdered -myself—especially the latter. It is<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_056" id="page_056"></a>{56}</span> so dirty and bloody, the body is -so dreadful to look at and so hard to dispose of, and the whole affair -so sudden and altogether unpleasant. I was anxious to know, before -settling in Flushing, whether murder was one of the institutions, and -was to be guarded against like chills and fever, musquitoes, and other -similar visitations.</p> - -<p>A day or two after the occurrence, I applied to my invaluable friend -Weeville for information, and inquired whether murders were a common -event in that neighborhood. His manner in reply was very encouraging. He -had lived in Flushing nine years, and this was the first case of the -kind. It was the most peaceable place he knew; in fact, he had hardly -ever heard a loud word spoken. He pictured it as the abiding-place of -angels or Quakers, and put my scruples entirely at rest. Violence, or -disputes even, among the Flushingites were not heard of, and murders -were far rarer than deaths by lightning.</p> - -<p>The day after this conversation there was a little friendly contest -among various fire-companies at the peaceable village to determine which -engine could throw the highest stream of water; and what was my -amazement, on reading the accounts in the daily papers, to learn that -the contest wound up in a free fight; that knives, pistols, and clubs -were freely used,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_057" id="page_057"></a>{57}</span> and that four persons were killed and forty wounded. -For a family of semi-angels this was doing well. The philosophy of -averages furnished one consolation, however—Flushing had evidently -concentrated into one day its allowance of murders for the next five -years.</p> - -<p>None of Sille’s men were in the fight, although at first I anticipated -finding my cellar a hospital, and expected a renewed experience in the -matter of lint and bandages, such as occupied so much of our time during -the war. He kept on steadily adding boards, and windows, and siding, and -beams together, till they took on the semblance of a house. To be sure, -it was rickety and open as yet: one man fell between the timbers, -another out of a window, and a third from the roof—but that did not -hurt the house.</p> - -<p>Two Irishmen were one day at work digging a well, and I commenced -moralizing at their fate—doomed to a lower existence than hewers of -wood and drawers of water, not sufficiently intelligent, even, to cut -sticks, and condemned to carry wood and dig for water; their life one of -weary, heart-rending, back-breaking toil; no time for pleasure, no -chance to cultivate the intellect and develop the mind—a miserable -life, little better than death itself.</p> - -<p>Musing on their hard lot, I peered down into the<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_058" id="page_058"></a>{58}</span> deep hole they were -making in the ground during the intense heats of summer, wondering how -soon science would raise the lowest of men above the condition of beasts -of burden, when one of them, glancing up, perceived me, and inquired, -“Was I the boss?” I answered in the affirmative, and he informed me that -it was customary for the boss to “stand something” when he first came on -the ground. Moved by my sympathies, I stood a dollar apiece, explaining -that it must not be wasted in liquor, to which they assented with great -hilarity. Alas for sympathy, and charity, and the milk of human -kindness! those wretched men immediately clubbed their two dollars -together, and, converting them into gin, knocked off work and proceeded -to get drunk. They remained incoherent, as the term goes that is applied -to their betters, all the next day. As it was essential that the well -should be finished as rapidly as possible, my feelings changed, my -sympathy died a premature death, and I never stood any thing of the kind -again.</p> - -<p>What with drunken Irishmen and injured workmen, murdered villagers and -fighting firemen, the country house progressed slowly toward completion. -The walls, it is true, arose like mushrooms—those delicious vegetables, -which I must pause to compliment—in a night; the roof climbed into -place, partitions<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_059" id="page_059"></a>{59}</span> grew and floors were laid, windows crept into their -sash-cases, and doors and blinds were hung, but “the end was not yet.” -The seventh day of July had come and gone, and the country house bid -fair to be finished about Christmas time.</p> - -<p>Of the cost of the progressing dwelling it is not pleasant to speak; but -as this veritable history depends greatly, for its value to future -generations, upon its accuracy and minuteness, I will admit the expense -was not despicable. Labor was high, as the Nantucket builder explained, -and timber was high, and bricks were high, and Irishmen occasionally got -high, and altogether he was compelled—much against his wishes—to -charge a high price. As the building progressed, or rather failed to -progress, it was suggested that he may have charged enough to leave a -surplus to cover a few days’ delay at ten dollars a day; but that would -hardly have accorded with the proverbial honesty of Nan’s dower island.</p> - -<p>I concluded to hire a house near by, which, although not the one I -expected to occupy, was doubtless as good, and had the advantage of a -tight roof and solid walls. Here I could conveniently watch the progress -of the undertaking without being so deeply interested as if my lodging -depended on it. As distance is supposed to lend enchantment to the<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_060" id="page_060"></a>{60}</span> -view, the distant prospect of the completion of my house should have -been enchanting; and as summers invariably return every year, it would -be only a question of a few months, and my summer house would be merely -a next summer house.</p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_060_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_060_sml.jpg" width="250" height="296" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_061" id="page_061"></a>{61}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_III" id="CHAPTER_III"></a>CHAPTER III.<br /><br /> -<small>MORE LIVE-STOCK—A HORSE AND A PIG. WHICH IS THE NOBLER ANIMAL?</small></h2> - -<p class="nind"><span class="letra">I</span>N order to live in the country, one must own a horse; in order to keep -house in the country, one must own a pig. In popular estimation, the -animal creation stand in relation to man in the following order—cows, -horses, pigs, dogs. For the existence of a large portion of the race of -infants in these modern days of tight lacing and slender limbs, a cow is -a prime necessity; for utility in transferring one’s self from place to -place between which there is no railroad, or if there is, and the -person’s life is precious in his own eyes, a horse is extremely useful; -for association in contemplative moments and suggestiveness of -comfortable ideas, a pig is very pleasant; for the higher enjoyments of -life, for the sports of the field and wood, the dog takes first rank.</p> - -<p>I have already described the cow. My dog, like those of all my friends, -is the best in the world, and<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_062" id="page_062"></a>{62}</span> I bought the “love of a pig.” Pigs are a -highly intellectual race; they not only know on which side their bread -is buttered, but in which part of the trough to find the best-buttered -pieces. Reader, didst thou ever study the language of a pig—the -beautiful intonations of its various expressions; the grunt of welcome -at its master’s approach; the sharp warning to desist if punishment is -threatened; the squeal demanding more food, broken often into the most -piteous accents of entreaty; the cry of pain, or scream of rage? -Pig-language is a copious one, although the power to understand it is -given to but few of the human race. The expressions of a pig’s face are -most impressive; the eye speaks the enjoyment of a joke—twinkles with -fun, as we say; conveys an intimation of anger, or expresses scorn of an -underhand action or watchfulness against it. Who ever got the better of -a pig by fair means? Chase him, and see him provokingly keep half a -dozen feet ahead of you; try to drive him, and measure his obstinacy -even by that of your wife; endeavor to lead him, and make up your mind -to have a “good time.”</p> - -<p>Our pig united many pleasant qualities and points of sagacity to a -gentleness and suavity rare in the race; he had an appetite that was a -joy to behold, and was as effective an appetizer as a gin-cocktail.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_063" id="page_063"></a>{63}</span></p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_063_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_063_sml.jpg" width="342" height="305" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p>The household was large, and swill consequently abundant, but piggy -never shrank from his duty; he seemed to feel that the reputation of all -pigdom rested on him, and, no matter how often the trough was -replenished, he was ever ready to renew his attacks. His sides were -puffed out and rounded like a ball, but he would stand with one foot in -the trough, and never desist till the last morsel was consumed. He was -as clean and white as a baby in a morning-gown, and would allow his -flanks to be scratched in the most gracious way, grunting gently the -while, and<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_064" id="page_064"></a>{64}</span> occasionally turning over on his side. He was altogether a -rarely sociable companion: so much for our pig.</p> - -<p>In selecting a horse, there was one point I had made up my mind upon—he -must be gentle; he might be fast or slow, stylish or commonplace, but -kind in single or double harness, as the professionals term it, he -should be. My experience of horse-flesh has been varied and instructive: -I have been thrown over their heads and slid over their tails; have been -dragged by saddle-stirrups and tossed out of wagons; I have had them to -balk and to kick, to run and to bolt, to stand on their hind feet and -kick with their front, and then reciprocate by standing on their front -and kicking with their hind feet. I have seen more of a horse’s heels, -have known more of the intricacies and possibilities of a “smash-up,” -have had more bits of pole and whiffle-trees sent flying over my head -than falls to the lot of most men; I have been thrown much with horses, -and more by them; I have had them do nearly every thing they should not -have done, and leave undone all that they should have done. So -gentleness was the one prerequisite to a purchase, and many were the -animals I examined to secure this qualification, many the faults I -discovered; but I finally obtained the precise creature I<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_065" id="page_065"></a>{65}</span> wanted. He -was graceful, free, fast, stylish, and, above all, perfectly gentle—a -very family horse.</p> - -<p>On the confines of Flushing stands a house about two hundred feet from -the road, and surrounded on three sides by a high hedge of <i>arbor-vitæ</i>. -At the front is a court-yard, and what was once a stately entrance, with -a carriage-drive round a circle, and a number of noble forest-trees; but -the grass has covered the carriage-road, weeds have choked the lawn, and -the trees spread their scraggy branches untrimmed and uncared for. The -dwelling is large, and has a deep piazza along the entire front; it -gives every outward appearance of comfort, but no family has occupied it -more than two consecutive months for many years. The house is haunted.</p> - -<p>Many years ago an old French lady owned the place, and she had one -daughter—a beauty, of course—given to falling in love, equally of -course, or she would not have been French—and somewhat undutiful, as -the sequel will show. The mother, according to the ordinary Parisian -habit, wished to make a good match for her daughter; the latter, -according to the universal female habit, wished to select a handsome -husband for herself; the mother offered a wealthy and highly respectable -“mentor, guide, and friend” of sixty; the young lady chose a dashing,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_066" id="page_066"></a>{66}</span> -devil-may-care lover of twenty-five. The parent dismissed the latter, -the daughter dismissed the former; the mother threatened to anathematize -if she was not obeyed, and, being disobeyed, did something of the -kind—what, among gentlemen, would be called “tall swearing.” The -daughter, who had learned the habits of American children, consented to -an elopement with her lover; the time was set, the hour arrived.</p> - -<p>It was a bright moonlight night, the seventh of October, in the year -eighteen hundred and no matter what; a high wind was blowing, and -scattered clouds were driving rapidly across the sky; the young -gentleman at the appointed hour stood at the gate with a pair of fast -trotters and one of the lightest turnouts of Brewster & Co., of Bond -Street, having engaged a clergyman in the city of New York. Time flew -by, but he waited in vain. His lady-love had not failed of her promises, -however, but, after her mother had retired, and by her loud snoring -attested the profundity of her repose, she quietly descended the stairs, -opened the front door silently as the expertest of thieves, and stepped -upon the piazza. At that moment a heavy cloud passed across the moon, -and a fierce gust slammed to the door; fearing that her mother might -have been aroused, she groped her way hastily across the piazza, caught -the balustrade<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_067" id="page_067"></a>{67}</span> of the steps, and—walked off on the wrong side. It was -a fall of ten feet; with a wild shriek she pitched head foremost on the -bricks of the area.</p> - -<p>The lover waited and waited, fearing let suspicions might have been -aroused, or resolution have failed; amid the noise of blustering winds -and falling leaves he thought he heard a cry of distress, and, at last -becoming uneasy, determined to visit his dulcinea’s window, and ask her -how she did. Tying his horses, he crept quietly along the shady side of -the hedge, which was that on the opposite side to her room, as he did -not wish to be seen. As soon as he reached the piazza, he followed along -under the edge of it till he came to the steps, where he waited for a -friendly cloud to conceal his movements, when he was compelled to pass -outside of them.</p> - -<p>The opportunity soon offered, he slipped by, and the cloud cleared away -just after he had stumbled on a bundle of clothes, as he supposed, -beyond the steps; he turned to look; and there, lying upon her back, -staring up to heaven with lack-lustre, wide-open eyes, the crimson -stains upon her white forehead telling her fate, stiff, and stark, and -cold, lay all that he held dearest in this world. Her lips would never -again whisper words of love; her heart had ceased to feel that passion -which had proved her<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_068" id="page_068"></a>{68}</span> destruction. The lover’s cries aroused the house, -and brought out the trembling mother to behold her daughter still -undisturbed, with the horror of sudden and cruel death upon her -unmitigated. And amid the shrieks of the parent and the lamentations of -the servants, the maddened lover, who had been attacked with a frenzy -that never left him, heaped reproaches, and retaliated with curses on -her whose curses seemed in his insanity to have caused this terrible -calamity.</p> - -<p>Of the parties to this tragedy there were none living in three months; -they were buried in adjoining graves, at the request of the mother, who -had it done apparently as an atonement. This palliation did not seem to -answer, however, for on the seventh of every month, at the hour of -eleven, a ghostly figure slips out of the front door, whether it is -locked or not, and with a scream falls from the piazza; a male figure -suddenly appears rent with agony at its side, and then another female -wringing her hands in despair, while the male gesticulates fiercely at -her. Such is this veritable history as I have it from the oldest -inhabitant, and it is no wonder that people do not like living in a -house with such associates.</p> - -<p>I do not often use our horse; I am not fond of driving, and have a vivid -recollection of the early<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_069" id="page_069"></a>{69}</span> accidents with horse-flesh heretofore -mentioned; but when it became necessary to buy a pig, my judgment was -indispensable, and I was compelled to drive to the place of his -residence—which was the haunted house. I did not know that it was -haunted, and, being well aware of the decorum that requires the master -of the establishment to “tool” his coachman, no matter how much more -competent the latter may be, I took the reins, and dashed in grand style -along the entrance to the door. Leaving the coachman at the animal’s -head, I walked to the pig-pen, which was in the rear of the house, and -there was soon engrossed in admiring the beautiful little creature that -I have already described. Many minutes were devoted to the contemplation -of his innumerable fine points, and I was only aroused by the noise of a -struggle, shouts for help, and a clatter of hoofs. Instantly running -toward the front, I arrived just in time to see the heels of Dandy -Jim—for such was the animal’s name—disappearing round the corner, and -to help my groom, who was lying on his back in the road, upon his feet.</p> - -<p>It seemed that the horse had stood perfectly quiet for several minutes, -then became uneasy, began to tremble, and turn his head with a wild look -over his shoulder. In spite of the efforts of the coachman,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_070" id="page_070"></a>{70}</span> who was a -powerful fellow, and had been severely bruised in the struggle, he -reared and plunged violently, and finally, breaking away, dashed round -the circle, out at the entrance, and away up the road. The man firmly -believed that Dandy had seen the ghost, which was now mentioned for the -first time, although my views inclined to accept the occurrence as an -outcropping of the original sin of the horse family.</p> - -<p>The pursuit of a runaway horse is a melancholy operation—his speed is -so much greater than his pursuer’s; his means of flight so much better -than the latter’s opportunities for stopping him; he has four feet to -set against two, and knows so well how to use them; he has such -unpleasant soundness of wind and limb, and such a raging devil inside of -him, while the satisfaction of recovering ruined <i>débris</i> is so slight, -and the mode of punishment so vague. I followed along as best I might, -picking up a cushion here, a blanket there, the whip in one place, and -the seat in another, inquiring of every one that I met whether they had -seen a horse, and being invariably answered “that they guessed they -had.” It is enough to say that, after smashing every thing to pieces, -tearing the body of the wagon from the wheels, tossing out what was -movable, and ruining his harness,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_071" id="page_071"></a>{71}</span> Dandy Jim became satisfied, and -allowed a rustic to catch him.</p> - -<p>Here was a pretty family horse—afraid of a ghost when all respectable -families teach their children that there are no such things as ghosts; -running away under supernatural, and without even the excuse of mortal, -terror. I felt like shooting or selling—probably the latter, on -economical principles—Dandy Jim, but eventually concluded to repair, -or, more properly, remake the wagon. I could only have sold out at a -great loss—and I so rarely rode behind him.</p> - -<p>Dandy had several peculiarities of temper besides his fear of ghosts. He -did not like steam-engines—if he had known how many people they kill, -he would have been entirely justifiable; so one day, when I was crossing -the track after having been to make a visit to a friend—for no one -visits on foot in the country—Dandy Jim saw the engine approaching. -That was sufficient; he immediately rose on his hind legs and pawed the -air. This might possibly have contented him, but the leather straps, -which were not intended to stand such a strain, gave way, and the wagon -came upon his heels. What then happened I do not precisely know; he -seemed to fly; occasionally he would appear to rise above the trees, -and<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_072" id="page_072"></a>{72}</span> then to descend into the bowels of the earth; he leaped from side -to side of the road with an ease and rapidity that would have shamed a -well-practiced kangaroo; the wagon bounded after him like the tail to a -boy’s kite when the latter gets pitching about with the violence of the -wind, while his heels played like flashes of lightning far over my head. -Fortunately, a countryman ran to my assistance and held back the wagon, -while another caught the horse by the head. I rewarded those men -liberally. Now a family horse should not kick, nor plunge, nor rear.</p> - -<p>Another of his peculiarities was a dislike to standing. He did not mind -standing in the stable in the least, but when he was harnessed he -expected to keep moving. I hardly drove him sufficiently to learn his -eccentricities of temper, and on one occasion laid down the reins for a -moment. He immediately started, and the reins slipped over the -dash-board out of reach. Reader, have you ever experienced the feeling -of being run away with—I mean, female reader—by a horse? If not, do -not aspire to it. It is not pleasant. The motion is rapid, and perhaps -exhilarating, but it is not smooth, and the mode of stopping is -uncertain. There is little to do, and probably much to suffer, with a -possibility of ceasing to be. Dandy, instead of being a family horse,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_073" id="page_073"></a>{73}</span> -ought to have been a race-horse; his speed was wonderful, though I -forgot to time it. I held by the dash-board, and shouted “ho!” at the -top of my voice. Evidently his knowledge of English was imperfect; he -mistook “ho” for “go,” and the more I shouted the faster he went.</p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_073_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_073_sml.jpg" width="345" height="320" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p>Where we went, or how we went, I never knew. When I came to my ordinary -senses, and escaped from what seemed to me like a blazing comet on a -“bust,” I found myself on the top of a pile of soft dirt—that species -of filth that the farmers obtain in<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_074" id="page_074"></a>{74}</span> the city, and put on their lands to -make vegetables grow. Although it smelled strong, and my clothes were -seriously damaged, my body proved, on careful examination, to be unhurt, -and my mental nature only badly scared. I concluded to sell that family -horse. My prejudices and impressions were in this instance, as in all -others, borne out by the result. I determined to wait, before I drove -again, till I could drive my own private steam-engine, for, with good -management, I believe steam-engines run smoother than horses.</p> - -<p>It is hardly necessary to mention other peculiarities, such as an insane -desire to eat me up whenever I passed near his head, in entire disregard -of the fact that Nature had not made him carnivorous, and an equally -intense wish to kick me with his heels whenever I passed by his flanks. -These idiosyncracies prevented my visiting the stable frequently, while -our out-door acquaintance he had made short, and not sweet. Fortunately, -he was lame most of the time, and when he was not lame he wanted -shoeing, so that the family were not able to risk their lives -unreasonably often.</p> - -<p>All this while the pig had been quietly feeding and growing; in fact, a -pig is a very different sort of animal. A pig never runs away and -smashes wagons;<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_075" id="page_075"></a>{75}</span></p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_075_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_075_sml.jpg" width="202" height="314" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p class="nind">a pig never kicks people, nor dashes out their brains, nor drags them by -stirrups, nor does other such disagreeable things, but is gentle and -sweet tempered; he is all good. A boar’s head was the famous dish of -antiquity; his hams, and shoulders, and sides enable nations to carry on -war, ships to go to sea, and commerce to exist; his bristles help us to -keep our heads and clothes clean; his skin bestrides his competitor—and -then, upon the classic rule of a part standing for the whole, he is in -his right place;<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_076" id="page_076"></a>{76}</span> his petitoes are the delight of connoisseurs; his -entrails are converted into delicious sausages; and who has not read the -apotheosis of roast pig? Of a horse, the hide and bones perhaps are -useful, but the worthless carcass is only fit for carrion; dangerous in -life, while in death his boiling bones breed a pestilence.</p> - -<p>Which, then, is the nobler animal?</p> - -<div class="blockquot"><p><span class="smcap">Note.</span>—My horse has just run away again, and I must go and collect -the wagon.</p></div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_076_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_076_sml.jpg" width="332" height="254" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_077" id="page_077"></a>{77}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IV" id="CHAPTER_IV"></a>CHAPTER IV.<br /><br /> -<small>THE COUNTRY, AND HOW TO GET THERE.</small></h2> - -<p class="nind"><span class="letra">A</span> VERY large portion of every man’s life is expended in transporting -himself from one place to another, and there are several modes of doing -it. The most disagreeable and disgusting is to crowd into a city -railroad car, and the next is to ride in an omnibus; the dyspeptic rich -use carriages, the healthy poor do not; you can go on horseback if you -know how to stay there and your horse is agreeable; in cold weather -skating is rapid, in warm weather steam-boats carry you luxuriantly; -and, if time is an object, and life is none, you trust yourself to the -locomotive. To reach Flushing, you must use both steam-boat and -railroad.</p> - -<p>“There is one thing,” said Weeville, in the commencement of our -enterprise, with his usual enthusiastic manner, “that you will -appreciate—the access to Flushing is most convenient; there are twelve -trains each way daily, and they run with perfect<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_078" id="page_078"></a>{78}</span> regularity. No -railroad in the country is so well managed as ours, and no trip could be -pleasanter. You have a half hour on the ferry-boat, and almost twenty -minutes in the cars, just a delightful variety and absolute safety. Why, -they have never killed a passenger since the track was laid.”</p> - -<p>This was certainly satisfactory information, and I had to regret that -the necessity of repairing this admirable road compelled its intelligent -and exemplary managers to reduce the number of trains considerably the -very day I commenced building. But it was certainly time the repairs -were made, as a train had just broken through a bridge, and commenced -the customary business of killing passengers; and the entire pile-work, -which constitutes one half the track, was discovered to be utterly -rotted out. I was not sorry the repairs were commenced, although I was -sadly inconvenienced, as the speed and regularity had apparently both -decayed with the woodwork.</p> - -<p>Compared with other places, the superior accessibility of Flushing was -apparent. The delay would be temporary, and for good purpose; whereas, -if you wish to live on the North River, it is an even chance that you -are dumped into the water every day or two; if you travel by the Long -Island road, you must<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_079" id="page_079"></a>{79}</span> carry a month’s provision, and carefully avoid -standing on the platforms or sitting in the front car—collisions, at -the moderate speed of this road, rarely affect the rear cars; if you are -on the line of the Erie, or Morris and Essex, you will have to clamber -over Bergen Hill, and take the train after it comes out of the tunnel, -provided you desire an approach to safety; and the weight and -inconvenience of a life-preserver on a hot summer day—even one of the -patent portable blow-up-able vests of modern invention—render -steam-boat travel unendurable. In going to Flushing you have a double -cause for rejoicing—you are first thankful when you are safe off the -steam-boat and on board the cars, and, in returning, doubly thankful -when you are safe out of the cars and back again on the steam-boat.</p> - -<p>There is an unreasonable prejudice in the public mind against being -killed on a railroad. There are many worse deaths: there is hanging, for -instance, but that, alas! is rare, or we should have fewer aldermen; -there is being broken on the wheel on the French antique model, or sawed -asunder after the Chinese fashion; lockjaw is unpleasant, apoplexy -uncomfortable, and epilepsy repulsive. In fact, death is so -disagreeable, and comes in so many ways, that a man hardly knows how to -make a judicious choice.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_080" id="page_080"></a>{80}</span> Therefore I always sit on the end seat, -provided the ladies, as is their artless habit, bless their souls! have -each occupied a bench to herself, and have thus taken up all the room, -for I would as lief any time face death as a strange woman with a -hoop-skirt. Besides, by so doing I have a monopoly of this bench myself, -and, if I am to be killed, have it done out of hand and without -prolonged inconvenience.</p> - -<p>The Flushing cars were crowded, which proves what a thriving place it -was, for the gentlemanly directors would certainly never willingly -inconvenience or unnecessarily crowd their passengers; and the dépôt is -not skillfully constructed. Alongside the platform was the track of the -Long Island road, beyond it a narrow strip of two or three boards, and -then the Flushing track. As the Long Island train was always in, or -coming in, or going out when the Flushing train was about to start, much -practice, nerve, and courage were required to reach it safely. The other -train had either to be stormed or avoided; passengers had to dribble in -a long line between the tracks, or climb over the platform of the Long -Island cars; and, since no one insulted them by gratuitous advice, they -not unfrequently took the wrong train.</p> - -<p>As nerve, courage, and presence of mind are valuable qualities, and -rarely cultivated among ladies,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_081" id="page_081"></a>{81}</span> Hunter’s Point dépôt was equal to a -public school, and deserved the commendation of the public. No man or -woman who has safely traveled by this road for a year need dread “the -battle or the breeze.” Any one who can stand on a platform not more than -two feet wide, and, unmoved, let one train whiz past in one direction -and another whiz past in the contrary, without allowing dress or person -to be caught or struck, deserves a diploma for self-command. Of course, -a few “go under” in learning how, but the mass of the traveling public -is vastly improved by the experience.</p> - -<p>The completion of the repairs of the road was not followed by an -immediate return to traditional punctuality. I remember reaching -Hunter’s Point one evening by the Twenty-third Street ferry “just in -time to be too late;” the train did not wait for the boat, which was -delayed because the pilot had a curious incapacity for steering into the -dock, and usually ran against all the pile-work of the neighborhood. The -train went out of the dépôt as I came into it. There was only an hour to -wait, however, and a person should never be without that amount of -patience; so I sat down on the platform, dangling my feet over the edge, -as was the universal custom, and commenced to endure an hour’s -unnecessary existence. It is queer<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_082" id="page_082"></a>{82}</span> how we hate life when it is forced -upon us, and how we love it when there is danger of its being taken away -from us. There sat half a dozen men who would have given from five to -fifty dollars each to have had sixty minutes less of life, whereas the -wretch on the scaffold would give five thousand for sixty minutes more.</p> - -<p>The hour went by, then another, and another, each bringing accessions to -the crowd of anxious, hungry, unhappy waiting men and women that clung -round the dépôt like drones round a hive, and giving me plenty of time -to work out the foregoing speculations. Night came upon us. The only -official—the ticket-man—shut up his office and went home, probably to -a loving wife and family; the brakeman put out all but one light; five -o’clock had resolved itself into ten. Conveyances of all kinds, from a -carriage down to a swill-cart, were in demand to carry passengers to -Flushing; fares by these novel and somewhat dilatory vehicles ranged -from one dollar to five. Men became disgusted, women exhausted, and -children irrepressible; but still no train. When I left in despair, at -about midnight, the men had fallen asleep on the benches, while women -were frantically demanding where there was a respectable hotel.</p> - -<p>Next day it appeared that the train had run off<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_083" id="page_083"></a>{83}</span> the track. On this road -the engine had, in those early days of its unperfected existence, the -habit of running with one end foremost while going, and with the other -end foremost when returning; so that, as it unfortunately is not -provided with a cow-catcher at both extremities, it occasionally met -with difficulties. On this particular occasion, during the return trip, -a stupid ox had planted himself in the way, entirely forgetting that the -cow-catcher was not there for him, and absolutely succeeded in -discommoding and annoying at least five hundred people, besides killing -himself—a piece of stupidity on his part only worthy of an ox.</p> - -<p>The trains had become very variable; during the first week of my -residence in Flushing, out of the six trips four were failures, and in -the first month I had completed the round of experiences. The boat had -missed the train, and the train had missed the boat; the boat had blown -or burnt up—I never knew which—and the train had gone off the track. -Several men who were not experienced in dodging had been killed; fuel -had given out, and water dried up; engines had grown wheezy, and bridges -become rickety; the pilot had run down the dock entirely, and the engine -reduced its speed to six miles an hour. Once the train started before -the time, but the outsiders became<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_084" id="page_084"></a>{84}</span> so enraged that no train ever -afterward started on time; in fact, every conceivable mode of evading -punctuality had been tested, but I was happy, at the conclusion, to be -able to repeat the immortal words, “I still live.”</p> - -<p>Philosophy is a great resource under such circumstances, and, after all, -there is often as much gained as lost by a want of punctuality. Many a -comfortable nap and undisturbed perusal of the daily papers—two -pleasures for which the ordinary day rarely furnishes -opportunities—have I had by the aid of the Flushing Railroad. Some -persons grumbled, and abused the officials, and uttered bad language, -but it did no good. The employés soon became used to the disappointment, -why should not the passengers? On one occasion, when the locomotive had -been wheezing along at a snail’s pace, stopping frequently to rest and -take breath, I became alarmed, and asked a brakeman what was the matter -with the engine. This was temerity on my part, for railroad men do not -approve of familiarity from passengers, and I dreaded the result as he -gazed calmly at me; but suddenly a smile broke over his countenance, and -he answered laconically, “Played out.”</p> - -<p>The conductor was another sort of man; when an unhappy passenger, who -had not borne his trials well,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_085" id="page_085"></a>{85}</span> and during the summer had uttered -numerous complaints, was finding fault toward the close of the season -with some omission or commission, the conductor, whose patience had been -entirely exhausted, turned upon him with,</p> - -<p>“You have been casting slurs on our railroad all summer; now what do you -know about it?”</p> - -<p>“Why, I have been spending the season at Flushing, and have been -traveling on it.”</p> - -<p>“Then let me tell you, it is as well managed as other railroads, and if -you don’t like it you need not ride on it. I don’t want any passengers -who are not satisfied.”</p> - -<p>This was putting things on their true basis; some silly people think it -a swindle when certain times are advertised but not kept, when boats are -taken off without notice, connections are not made, and the time of -passengers is wasted; but they seem to forget that they need not go by -rail. If they do not wish to ride, they can always walk; the choice is -open to them, and Flushing is only six miles off.</p> - -<div class="blockquot"><p><span class="smcap">Note.</span>—Since the foregoing was written all this has been changed. -The railroad has been put in charge of a newspaper editor. It now -has the finest cars, the best conductors, and makes the most -regular time of any road in the United States. My lots are not all -sold yet.</p></div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_086" id="page_086"></a>{86}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_V" id="CHAPTER_V"></a>CHAPTER V.<br /><br /> -<small>A WELL.</small></h2> - -<p class="csml"> -“If ’twere well done when ’twere done, ’twere well ’twere done<br /> -quickly.”<br /> -</p> - -<p class="nind"><span class="letra">S</span>OME of the incidents connected with digging our well have already been -referred to, but good water is so necessary to a country place that the -mode of obtaining it deserves a separate chapter. Well-digging is a -profession, and the most cultivated master of the art to be found in the -neighborhood had been engaged, immediately after the foundation of the -house was commenced, to dig the well. It was strange, however, how many -people at about the same time had determined to do the same thing; it -seemed as though the entire village had been seized with a mania for -sinking wells. He was exceedingly busy, and was compelled, much against -his wishes, to demand an exorbitant price for his services. He regretted -it deeply, but he would have to ask four dollars and a half a foot. As -the ordinary price was about a dollar, it was certainly honest of him to -explain beforehand the necessities of his situation;<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_087" id="page_087"></a>{87}</span> and although it -was inconvenient that the villagers should have been stricken with this -fancy at so inopportune a moment, it was certainly fortunate that the -man was so honest. He was employed at once, and strongly impressed with -the necessity of the utmost haste.</p> - -<p>It is probable that his other engagements engrossed much of his time. -The well did not progress rapidly; but, as it soon appeared that the -house would not be completed for occupation before the ensuing summer, -the immediate necessity for drinking-water was done away with. There is -a wonderful romance about the “old oaken bucket.” Many a time in -youthful days have I plunged my nose into its liquid contents, and -choked myself, and poured the water down my shirt-front, in frantic -endeavors to drink from its thick rim; often have I lowered the empty -vessel far into the bowels of the earth, and jumped it up and down at -the risk of dashing it to pieces against the stone sides, in order to -fill it, and then puffed over the heavy pull of bringing it, laden with -the cooling crystal, to the surface. With due reverence have I studied -the many poetical things which have been said in its honor; but the days -of oaken buckets are numbered; they have been succeeded by force-pumps, -and chain-pumps,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_088" id="page_088"></a>{88}</span> and iron pumps, that save the muscles, but offend the -sensibilities.</p> - -<p>Were it not that I was subject to the dominion of several Irish maidens, -denominated servants, I should certainly have sacrificed utility to -beauty; but, under the force of a ukase from them, I was compelled to -buy a pump. Of the various patterns of these, a pretty iron one had -taken my fancy, and no sooner was the well completed than it was -purchased. Unfortunately, the entire village of Flushing was then -putting in pumps, and there was no possibility of having it set up for -two entire weeks. We had just occupied the house opposite, which had no -well, and we depended for water upon our own.</p> - -<p>Header, have you ever hauled up water from a well in a pail? If you have -not, you should learn to do it; it requires skill and courage. You must -balance yourself carefully on a few loose planks, and, peering down -giddily into the dark hole that yawns beneath, you must lower the pail -with a long rope for what seems an endless distance, and when it reaches -the bottom, will have to jerk it about vigorously, as it obstinately -refuses for a long time to fill; and then you must draw up carefully the -heavy weight that threatens to pull you in, instead of your pulling it -out; and manage not to let it touch the<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_089" id="page_089"></a>{89}</span> sides, as that will spill the -contents. All the while the slipping of board, or earth, or foot will -necessitate the calling together of a coroner’s jury.</p> - -<p>It is a pity that there is no way of falling down a well comfortably. If -you go down head foremost, your feet stick out above the water, it is -true, but you do not breathe through that portion of the body; if you -strike feet foremost, the climb back is such a long and uncertain -journey; and if you go down doubled up, you are apt to find trouble in -straightening out. Every time a maid went to the well I speculated as to -which of these modes she would follow, and feared that the case of the -broken pitcher would be illustrated.</p> - -<p>This state of things lasted some time, as the pump-maker found his -Flushing customers more exacting than even he expected; or possibly his -workmen had gone on more sprees than he allowed for. Three weeks had -gone by, and we were still drawing water; and, what is more, the water -which we did with such infinite pains draw up was far from good. We had -been warned that for some time after its completion the well would be -dirty; that before it was finished one or more Irishmen would have to -work waist deep in the water, which would not recover from their -presence for a long while; but, instead<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_090" id="page_090"></a>{90}</span> of improving, it became worse -and worse. At first it tasted badly, but it soon smelt unendurably. -There was a great deal of house-cleaning and washing to do, but the -women finally rebelled, and flatly refused to use the odoriferous stuff -any longer, even for such base purposes, and it had been from the first -utterly undrinkable.</p> - -<p>Weeville had always boasted of the purity of the water-bed that underlay -this entire tract of land, and in his comparisons had placed it a long -way ahead of the Croton. Of course he was called in. “It was useless to -tell him any thing against the water; he was not going to believe any -visionary stories originated by Irish servant-girls—he must taste it.” -This he did not do, however; the smell was enough.</p> - -<p>“Pheugh!” he burst forth as it approached his nose. “I will tell you -what is the matter—the well has never been cleaned out; that infernal -well-digger has taken advantage of you, and left the pieces of dirt and -rubbish that fall in—old bits of dinner, fragments of meat and cheese, -perhaps—and which must always be removed, or they will decay, and spoil -the water for a long time.”</p> - -<p>I immediately went after the well-digger in an intense state of wrath, -and rated him soundly for his conduct; but he not only swore by all that -was<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_091" id="page_091"></a>{91}</span> truthful that he had cleaned out the well, but called up the man -that did it. A severe cross-examination having convinced me that they -both told the truth, I returned home wondering how long it would take to -learn to like stinking, as the Mississippians have learned to like -dirty, water. I have always had a weakness for water. Whisky is the -natural American drink; lager bier is admirably suited to the Teutonic -mistiness of intellect; the frothy Champagne is adapted to the volatile -Frenchman, and the thick ale to the muddled Englishman. Brandy is -suitable for men, if we are to believe high authority. Gin, in the shape -of schnapps, was the daily potation of our respectable Dutch ancestors. -Both are irreproachable liquors, and rum deserves a better reputation; -but pure, cold, transparent spring or well water, fresh from its -bubbling fountain, or drawn from the cold recesses of its deep -receptacle, has always been very attractive to me, and for washing -purposes it has no equal. The prospect, therefore, of doing without -water was unpleasant. Cows, and horses, and pigs have not learned to -appreciate strong drinks; they prefer the native element; and to draw -for half a mile from the nearest good pump as much as a cow and a horse -can swallow would require pretty nearly the entire time of the latter.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_092" id="page_092"></a>{92}</span></p> - -<p>In the midst of our troubles, the rope broke—not the golden cord, -fortunately, of any member of the household, but the cord that was -fastened to the pail. Here was a dilemma! To fish up a bucket out of -forty feet of darkness was difficult; to use another pail till the first -was removed was impossible. I began to think it would be necessary to -dig a new well, when I was informed that a man could climb down the -present one. This seemed to me a feat worthy of Hanlon; but I was -prepared for the last extremities, even death itself—provided it was -not my own—and simply said, “Let him do it,” as though seeing men cling -to a slippery wall of stones, like a fly on a pane of glass, had been -the commonest experience of my life. How he managed I did not care to -see; but that he did go to the bottom was proved by what he brought up, -which was, not the pail, but—a dead cat!</p> - -<p>Cats are a singular and unreliable race; they never possess the -intelligence of dogs, and are given to strange vagaries. They roam about -continually, and wander no one knows whither; but what should take a cat -to the bottom of my well I can not understand. They are graceful -creatures, and old maids and little children think them handsome; but, -after they have been in water for three weeks, and become<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_093" id="page_093"></a>{93}</span> much puffed -up with their position, they are not handsome. Still, I was very glad to -see that cat.</p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_093_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_093_sml.jpg" width="328" height="344" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p>The well-water visibly improved, and the pump was finally completed. To -be sure, the maker could not spare time to put it up, but other men were -readily engaged, and one evening, on my return from the city, I found it -duly installed in its place, looking very attractive. It was a neat and -appropriate pump, and, remembering the inconveniences and dangers<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_094" id="page_094"></a>{94}</span> of -drawing water with a pail, I joyfully seized the handle and commenced to -pump. I worked away right manfully for a few moments, but did not manage -to bring up any water. When I stopped for an instant, a long sigh seemed -to express the thing’s regret that it could not accommodate me, or the -sufferings to which my exertions put it. I recommenced, and appeared to -gain for a little distance, to judge by the effort required, but at a -certain point success deserted me; the pump evidently was not equal to -the occasion. I worked away on that hot August afternoon till the -perspiration ran freely, if the water did not; and, when entirely -convinced, if not satisfied, I indulged in as little strong language as -the circumstances would admit, and sent for the pump-maker.</p> - -<p>His bill had not been paid, and he came at once. When informed of the -difficulty, he seized the pump-handle with amusing alacrity, but a few -strokes changed his confidence to doubt. When he paused, the same -appalling sigh that had greeted me announced a similar result, and I -smiled amid my misery to see his manner change as he recommenced. After -two or three attempts, he stopped suddenly and inquired,</p> - -<p>“How deep is your well?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_095" id="page_095"></a>{95}</span>”</p> - -<p>He was not going to get off by any subterfuge if I could help it, so I -answered promptly,</p> - -<p>“Never mind that; the well is deep enough.”</p> - -<p>“But what is the depth? It is essential to know.”</p> - -<p>“Don’t worry yourself about that now; fix your pump first,” was the -ready response.</p> - -<p>“I can not do so till I know the depth of the well.”</p> - -<p>“Well, then, if you are so anxious to be informed, it is forty-five feet -deep—deep enough, in all conscience.”</p> - -<p>“That is the trouble, of course; the pump won’t suck.”</p> - -<p>“Of course it is, that is plain enough; and I expect you to give me one -that will suck.”</p> - -<p>“But how can I?”</p> - -<p>“That is your affair, not mine,” beginning to be put out at the coolness -of the fellow. “I want a pump that will suck!”</p> - -<p>“Why,” he replied, “don’t you know that no pump will draw at over thirty -feet?”</p> - -<p>Suddenly the remembrance of school-days and their instruction came back -to me; a vacuum and its properties, the weight of a column of air, and -all that, returned to my mind after a long absence. I recalled the rule -of fifteen pounds to a square inch,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_096" id="page_096"></a>{96}</span> the power of suction—which for -many years I had only tested with a straw and a julep—and the -comparative specific gravity of water. Early education is a good thing, -and the natural sciences are almost as practical as the learned -classics. Without a remark, I left that pump-maker and his pump, and -retired to the cool privacy of my neighboring dwelling. A wooden pump -with a long rod is in my well, and it not only sucks, but lifts; the -water is very fine.</p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_096_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_096_sml.jpg" width="159" height="164" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_097" id="page_097"></a>{97}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VI" id="CHAPTER_VI"></a>CHAPTER VI.<br /><br /> -<small>A KITCHEN GARDEN.</small></h2> - -<p class="nind"><span class="letra">T</span>O the full enjoyment of a country house, there are few things more -conducive than a large, well-filled kitchen garden. The farmers -generally, with a wrong-headedness that is incomprehensible, neglect one -of the most important sources of supply for the table; they devote -themselves to the heavy crops—the staples of agriculture—that are -scattered through the fields, and overlook the vast additional amount of -food that may be concentrated in an acre. They condemn themselves to the -everlasting routine of bread, potatoes, and salt meat, forgetting that -the labor of a few hours occasionally of themselves or their children in -the garden would furnish an agreeable, healthy, and nutritive variety of -edibles. This, being a matter of dollars and cents as well as health, -merited the closest attention from so practical a person as myself, and -was taken in hand promptly, and the account of my success carries me -back a little in matter of time.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_098" id="page_098"></a>{98}</span></p> - -<p>It was late in April when the contract was closed for the building of -the country house, and it was essential to prepare and plant the kitchen -garden immediately. My ideas on the subject were vague. I knew what I -wanted, but had not an accurate conception how those wants were to be -converted into realities. I must have a choice, yet ample supply. Fresh -asparagus is so delicate, fresh peas so tender, fresh lettuce so crisp, -cauliflower so immaculate, cabbages so rich, beets so racy, and every -other vegetable so much better when just pulled. There should be a -plenteous variety, from the humble radish up to the aristocratic -egg-plant—through all the range of carrots, turnips, celery, spinach, -and cucumbers—every thing that creeps, climbs, or stands—but, above -all, must there be a grand, deep, rich bed of asparagus, with heads as -big as your thumb. The fruits, too, should not be forgotten: -blackberries, gooseberries, raspberries, and especially strawberries; -pears, plums, and apples—dwarfs and standards; currants, grapes, and -quinces; the numberless productions of the earth that wise men eat -before breakfast or after dinner. With these numerous necessaries, it -was apparent that the planting must be done at once if it was to produce -a satisfactory result this year.</p> - -<p>But, before striking a spade, it was necessary to lay<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_099" id="page_099"></a>{99}</span> out the ground, -and here, although the undertaking was different from planning a house, -my natural abilities stood me in good stead. After much study, the plot -was divided into beds of about five feet width, so that the plants could -be plucked without treading on them; I laid out broad walks at right -angles to one another, like grand avenues, to be shaded by the future -pear and apple trees, and in my mind determined to cover them with pure, -white, salt-water pebbles. I left a narrow border along the outer edge -for currant and raspberry bushes, marked places for the fruit-trees -every fifteen feet, and devoted one bed to strawberries, another to -tomatoes, a third to sweet corn, and so on. I noticed that there seemed -to be about as much walk as bed, but this I had been accustomed to in -flower gardens in the city, and thought produced a pleasing effect.</p> - -<p>Before these dispositions were determined on, the grass had grown -considerably, the spring being early, and to get rid of it, as -“Bridgeman’s Assistant,” which, with “Ten Acres Enough,” was my constant -companion, contained no directions to meet the case, the advice of -Weeville was called for. He said the land must be plowed, harrowed, and -well dug over, and asked where the kitchen garden was to be placed. It -was with no little satisfaction that I produced my<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_100" id="page_100"></a>{100}</span> plans, anticipating -his surprise and pleasure, and laid them proudly before him. He gazed a -moment, and exclaimed, “What is all this?” Not a little amused with his -perplexity, I explained the design, and pointed out its advantages. He -kept his eyes on it in a dazed sort of way, and then blurted out, “You -have twice as much walk as you have bed.”</p> - -<p>“Not quite—not quite,” I responded; “but still that is quite a feature; -they will be attractive, covered with white gravel.”</p> - -<p>“White gravel! What is that for?” he exclaimed. “Nonsense; your walks -will be overrun with weeds, and you will have enough to do to keep them -out of your beds. I’ll fix your garden for you, now I know where you -want it.”</p> - -<p>Before I could protest, he rushed away, taking my plans with him, as -though they were of no value whatever, with that wretched conceit which -characterizes your practical man, not even waiting to hear a full -explanation of my views, and evidently not appreciating them. He set his -men to work next day without so much as consulting me.</p> - -<p>Leaving Weeville’s men hard at work with plow and harrow over the -practical portion of the undertaking, I set to work with “Bridgeman’s -Assistant,” and soon learned how to trench and make drills—<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_101" id="page_101"></a>{101}</span>which, to -my great astonishment, proved not to be holes—and became acquainted -with the uses of the various garden implements. The quality and nature -of the soil was quite a puzzle; but, as it had been ascertained by -sinking the well that the upper six feet was a stiff, clayey substance, -and beneath there was a pure stratum of sand, there could be little -doubt but it must be a loam, which is described as a mixture of clay and -sand. It was a fine, strong yellow, and my general impression was that -loam is dark; but of its depth there could be no question, as the -well-diggers went down forty-five feet before they reached water, and -encountered no rock whatever.</p> - -<p>There were many surprising statements in “Bridgeman’s Assistant.” It -would seem natural that seeds, especially of radishes, beets, or -carrots, should be planted at least a foot deep, so that the root might -be long; but the author insisted that they should be covered with only -two inches of earth. Unfortunately, however, as my investigations -proceeded, some pleasing illusions were dissipated; one vegetable after -another had to be given up, for the entire kingdom seemed to be governed -by the most absurd laws; and when it was ascertained that strawberries -would not bear the first season, and that asparagus might produce<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_102" id="page_102"></a>{102}</span> heads -in the course of three years, I was in despair. Weeville, however, who -confirmed these doleful discoveries, came to my rescue by inquiring in -an enthusiastic way whether I had ever eaten a Daniel O’Rourke pea. I -replied that doubtless I had, as I paid the highest price in market.</p> - -<p>“Oh, pshaw!” he answered, “they are never sold in market; wait till you -eat a Daniel O’Rourke pea, and then you can say you know what peas are. -There are plenty of vegetables that you will be in time to plant; the -ground is plowed and harrowed, and the Irishman is digging out the sods. -A hard time he is having of it; the grass got up too high, and he has to -break them up and shake each one out with a pitchfork. No person should -live in the country without a garden; mine is the greatest comfort I -have, and saves nearly half the expense of living.”</p> - -<p>So, it being clearly an economy, my investigations were pursued -diligently. A long list of the best vegetables still attainable was -selected, consisting of early Mohawk and Lima beans, blood turnip-rooted -beets, long orange carrots, long green cucumbers, sweet corn, large -green-head lettuce, silver-skinned onions, Dutch parsnips, and Daniel -O’Rourke peas, and purchased at the seed-store for the moderate sum of -four dollars and fifty cents, according to the particular entry<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_103" id="page_103"></a>{103}</span> made in -my memorandum-book at the time. The necessary tools, such as -wheel-barrows, spades, hoes, drills, cultivators, etc., were added, but -the charge for these seems to have been omitted; and when Weeville -reported that the first planting—two rows of Daniel O’Rourke peas—had -been completed, I invited a couple of friends to ride over on horseback -to see my country place, for I was still living in the city. The house -was then in its foundation state, but the garden would be well worth a -visit.</p> - -<p>It is a beautiful ride to Flushing. An intelligent man, named Jackson, -has built an excellent turnpike—almost the only one in our -country—and, with justifiable pride, has called it after himself. The -scenery is diversified with hill and dale, with fertile fields and dense -woods, and, before reaching the village, the highway skirts the bay, and -presents a clear view for some distance up the Sound. We clattered along -past the bridge and through the village out to the five-acre plot. There -it lay, bare and charming, without a fence, almost without a tree; the -house scattered in every direction; the foundation going up and the well -going down; heaps of sand collected here and there, and a platform for -mixing mortar directly where the flowers ought to be; but where the -garden? We rode in every direction, and at<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_104" id="page_104"></a>{104}</span> last made out that a little -bare spot which we had been over, forward and back, several times, and -which was about twelve feet long by three wide, must be it. We did not -dismount, but, consoling ourselves with the idea that the earth had been -well stirred with our horses’ hoofs—for stirring the earth is essential -to a productive condition, as Bridgeman says—we returned to the city.</p> - -<p>Next day Weeville went to oversee the Irishman, who was hard at work -struggling to subdue the sods on another twelve feet by three, and was -surprised to find many of the peas out of the ground. He took a hoe and -replanted them, treading them down so as to keep them under for the -future; and, having done this with a dozen or more, turned to Patrick, -and told him that he must be more careful hereafter, and must cover the -peas well with earth.</p> - -<p>“Sure and I am sorely puzzled, sir,” replied Patrick; “I have been all -the morning poking the pays back under the earth. I’ve been thinking -there must have been somebody over it, for they were all out of the -ground intirely.”</p> - -<p>Considering that three horses had been trampling back and forth over the -bed the night before, Patrick was about right. But he had other -difficulties to contend with more formidable than horses’ hoofs.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_105" id="page_105"></a>{105}</span> The -sod was strong, not having been disturbed for years, and it was many -days before there was any thing resembling regular beds. In time, -however, the peas appeared above ground; egg-plants were transplanted; -beans crept up, and demanded poles to climb on; queer-looking, weedy -affairs, that Weeville designated cauliflowers or tomatoes, as he -pleased, made themselves conspicuous, and the success of the undertaking -seemed assured—when one morning Pat rushed up to Weeville’s place, and, -with staring eyes, announced that the cows had grazed off all the peas.</p> - -<p>Any animal that entered that plot of ground appeared instinctively to -know where the garden was, although better-endowed creatures might have -trouble to find it, and either wanted to rest or pasture there, or at -least to run over it. But when they proceeded to graze on the peas, it -became serious, and upon Pat’s announcing, the following week, that they -had been at it again, Weeville called upon me to say that there must be -a fence round the lot, or he would not answer for the garden. Pat was -set to work at once building fence.</p> - -<p>Since the days of the Tower of Babel, when the world was divided up into -tribes, the nations have been distinguished by peculiar aptitudes. The -English<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_106" id="page_106"></a>{106}</span> nation has a gift for building pirate ships, the French for -fashioning new dresses, the Chinese for growing pig-tails and cutting -off heads, the Russians for eating candles, the Turks for stealing -wives, the Americans for doing a little of every thing, and the Irish -for digging holes. Pat never could learn to use a saw or an axe, or even -to drive a nail without splitting the wood, but he could dig against the -world. He proceeded at once to make the holes for the posts of the -fence.</p> - -<p>While he was thus occupied, however, the garden was neglected, and as he -could not by any possibility keep the holes in a line, and consequently -wasted much time, the weeds grew apace. It requires a great many boards -to reach round five acres, and the holes for the posts had to be very -numerous. The cows, having discovered the superior qualities of Daniel -O’Rourke peas, paid them regular visits, and kept them well cropped, so -that the garden fared badly. Pat dug so many holes, in consequence of -making them either out of line or at an improper distance, that he might -almost be said to have trenched the lot; and by the time he was through, -and before the posts were all up, or the fence more than half finished, -it was time to cut the grass.</p> - -<p>This was a season of scarcity of labor. The high<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_107" id="page_107"></a>{107}</span> prices had satisfied -the working-men that their time was too valuable to waste on every -menial kind of drudgery, and they were particular, not only in selecting -their masters, but their employment; so that Pat had to be the main -reliance, with the occasional aid of a half-grown boy, to take hold of -all the “odd jobs” required by a country place. He not only planted the -garden, and built the fence, and helped in the house, and dug in the -well, but he must mow the grass and milk the cow. In fact, if there was -any thing that nobody else could or would do, Pat was called upon.</p> - -<p>The grass was very fine. A handsome flower, with rich yellow centre, -surrounded by a single white row of radiating petals, called a -daisy—the lovely flower celebrated so frequently in English poetry, and -the apt simile for all that is virtuous and innocent—had grown to great -luxuriance, proving the uncommon richness of the soil. Its stalk was a -foot long, and the pretty floweret topped the grass, and by its vast -numbers lent a uniform tone of color to the entire lot. There seemed to -be almost as much daisy as there was grass, which was what the natives -called “switch grass,” and they were both knee-high. This crop was -especially thick and heavy on the upper portion of the plot, as the -carts and wagons had been<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_108" id="page_108"></a>{108}</span> in the habit, entirely regardless of the -enormous damages they occasioned, of driving over the lower end, and the -cattle of the neighborhood had grazed it pretty thoroughly. There was, -consequently, only about an acre and a half left to mow, and Pat, with -the aid of the boy, had that done in a day or two.</p> - -<p>In my youthful days, often “of a summer day” I had “raked the meadow, -sweet with hay,” and consequently had learned the importance of sun in -hay-making. Unfortunately, no sooner was the hay cut and scattered about -than there came on the heaviest rain of the season; it was a veritable -northeaster, and lasted four or five days. The barn, which was expected -to hold the crop, existed as yet only in anticipation; and when the hay -did finally dry, it had to be collected in a pile, which Weeville called -a stack, and left to the mercy of the elements. However, the labor cost -only about seven dollars, and I was offered seventeen dollars for the -stack, so that there was a clear profit of ten dollars. This was so -encouraging that I felt almost inclined to lay down the entire five -acres in grass, until I remembered that if an acre and a half produced -ten dollars, five acres would only yield about thirty-five -dollars—hardly sufficient interest on property valued at ten thousand -dollars.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_109" id="page_109"></a>{109}</span></p> - -<p>When the hay was stacked, and one board nailed on the fence so that the -cattle could no longer wander wheresoever they listed, a careful -examination of the garden gave the following result: Weeds profuse and -luxuriant; vegetables scarce and sickly; peas about six inches high, -well cropped, without flowers or pods; tomato-plants small, and well -shaded by the surrounding weeds; egg-plants entirely invisible, having -probably gone back into the egg in disgust; bean-poles tall and -vigorous, beans about one foot high, being nearly up with the -neighboring grass, and apparently unable to climb any higher. The other -garden-truck was not to be found, and it required great discernment to -distinguish the garden from the residue of the five acres. Weeville said -it was no matter, after all, as he could supply me with whatever I -wanted from his garden, and that it was always cheaper to buy vegetables -than to raise them!</p> - -<p>My glorious anticipations had dwindled; asparagus, cabbages, beets, -strawberries, raspberries, pears, and plums had been given up; and now -the hope of peas, beans, tomatoes, lettuce, and egg-plants was to be -destroyed. That garden on which I counted so greatly—which was to have -furnished not merely cheap food for my family, but subject for -exultation over city friends—had proved a failure. Daniel O’Rourke peas -were not to be; crisp lettuce could<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_110" id="page_110"></a>{110}</span> not be dressed in that style of art -upon which I pride myself, and handed exultingly round to friends after -the woodcock and claret, as so much superior to the stale, insipid stuff -purchased in the markets. Egg-plants, richest of vegetables, were not to -be pressed upon the surfeited guest as coming from my garden. Beans had -proved a delusion, and tomato-vines a snare. All my study of -horticultural works was to be thrown away.</p> - -<p>It is true, we had raised an egg-plant, but it was small—so small that -we thought of sending it to the agricultural fair as a rare production: -it measured one inch and a half in circumference. We also raised one -tomato, but a careless wretch trod on it, and crushed it and our hopes -together. There was a fine lot of wild radish, which my friends -pronounced to be weeds, although I had hopes for a time that a few of -them would become tame. I was disappointed, however: they covered the -new beds, as fast as these were cleared and dug, with a luxuriant -clothing of bright green, and their leaves were pretty and graceful, but -their roots never would come to any thing worth mentioning. It is deeply -to be regretted that Nature has so constituted plants and weeds -respectively, that the former won’t grow and the latter will. I did not -eat a Daniel O’Rourke pea after all.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_111" id="page_111"></a>{111}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VII" id="CHAPTER_VII"></a>CHAPTER VII.<br /><br /> -<small>THE FLOWER GARDEN.</small></h2> - -<p class="nind"><span class="letra">T</span>HE results of the effort to produce a kitchen garden out of the raw -material of virgin sod was discussed in the last chapter. When it was -well under way, and after Weeville had, in his authoritative manner, -taken it off my hands, I turned my attention to the flower garden. Of -this I determined to take entire charge. I had not studied Bridgeman for -weeks, nor peered into seedsmen’s windows, and examined the -peculiarities of all the plants that fell in my way, for nothing. -Weeville might superintend the coarse vegetables if he pleased, but the -delicate and elegant parterre of flowers that already existed in my -mind’s eye was to be my credit and responsibility alone.</p> - -<p>It was some time before I could induce the masons to remove the platform -for mortar that they had, with instinctive stupidity, placed in the -centre of what was to be my principal bed; but I got them off at last, -although<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_112" id="page_112"></a>{112}</span> they grumbled somewhat at being compelled to carry their loads -a considerably longer distance. I had already marked out the general -plan on paper with that skill which has been occasionally referred to; -the main idea was taken from a Chinese puzzle, and had no equal in the -most complicated productions of the ablest masters of landscape -gardening, ancient or modern.</p> - -<p>It is well known that, according to the highest standard of the art, the -great point in laying out a garden is to avoid the monotony of tame -regularity; and in that line little more could be done. There were beds -shaped like stars and ellipses, worms and circles, triangles and -octagons; some were round on one side and flat on the other; some had -big heads and little tails, and others diminished to nothing at each -end; there were sinuosities and projections, sharp points and easy -curves, imitation bays and promontories; large beds suddenly contracted, -narrow ones expanded; what promised to be a long stretch was broken off -unexpectedly, and there certainly was no danger of monotony. Amid these -wound the paths in the most admired irregularity, never leading where -one would naturally expect, and giving the mind a vivid impression of -the labyrinth.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_113" id="page_113"></a>{113}</span></p> - -<p>The arrangement of the beds on paper was not difficult, but to trace -them on the natural sod was another matter. This could not be intrusted -to a common workman; one, to whom the plan was shown, insisted upon -mistaking the walks for beds, and even proposed some alterations, which -he called improvements. Somehow, I never was very good at the practical -part of a design. Moreover, the weather had been dry, for this point had -been reached toward the close of one of the rainless terms that -alternated with the floods of this particular season. The ground was -hard, the sun was hot, and my experience with a shovel—spade my man -called it—had been limited; but the difficulty had to be overcome, -regardless of previous habits, and, grasping the shovel bravely, I set -to work at once.</p> - -<p>The centre bed was a circle, and, by driving a stake in the ground, and -attaching to it a string, there was no difficulty in making a faint -impression of the outline on the grass. This outline I deepened into a -shallow furrow with my spade, although my arms and back ached, and my -clothes were damp with perspiration before I had finished. The next -figure, which was a star, was not so easy; and when it came to the -worms, and the bays, and promontories, there bid fair to be far too -little monotony. In<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_114" id="page_114"></a>{114}</span> fact, the figures would not take the shapes they -assumed on paper, and the more they were worked at the worse they grew. -If they were narrowed, they became immediately too long; if they were -lengthened, they had to be widened; if one part was taken off, another -portion immediately bulged out; bays were either too deep or too -shallow, promontories either stretched entirely across the adjoining -walk or disappeared utterly. The walks were continually being squeezed -into a strait that would not by any possibility admit the passage of -modern crinoline, or spread out into a sort of desert waste. The truth -is, such vulgar trivialities as are implied in practical performance are -not suited to the intellectual mind. After working the plan several -weeks, nearly killing myself, and sadly confusing the man I had hired -for this express matter, I concluded to let him finish it alone. It is a -matter of pride, however, that, in spite of some sad blunders through -his ignorance, it still bears palpable traces of the original design, -and entirely avoids the fatal fault of monotony.</p> - -<p>While the man was completing the physical part, there was an excellent -opportunity to select the best flowers that were to be procured. The -study of botany is not a branch of the legal profession, nor even -included in the limits of a classical education; but,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_115" id="page_115"></a>{115}</span> fortunately, -there is no necessity for knowing scientifically why the rose is red and -the lily white provided one has the innate appreciation to enjoy the -beauty of each. Perhaps it is desirable to be able to distinguish the -plants when not in flower, but that is not absolutely necessary provided -“Bridgeman” is always at hand.</p> - -<p>The amount of information in this work is as inexhaustible as it is -surprising. Under the author’s manipulation, plants assume a fresh -nature and exhibit new attractions; the most vulgar flower comes back -decked in an aristocratic dress, and endowed with a name that is -absolutely imposing. The common hollyhock—that vulgar, base, staring, -and offensive flower—is suddenly converted into the delicate and -refined althea; the larkspur becomes a delphinium; the old-fashioned -Johnny-jump-up, a viola grandiflora; the commonplace poppy, a papaver; -and the gaudy sunflower is transformed into the magnificent helianthus. -The human mind is hardly prepared to accept gomphrenas for batchelors’ -buttons, and revolts from the association of the suggestive mirabilis -with the commonplace four o’clocks. The kingdom of flowers, as it is -usually called, becomes a model republic; the low and ignorant are -elevated; the humble dweller in the hedge-row is raised to a<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_116" id="page_116"></a>{116}</span> place -beside the tender production of the green-house; and the refined habitué -of the ballroom is found to be twin sister to the wild inhabitant of the -open field or native forest.</p> - -<p>After some thought and careful consultation with the price-lists of all -the seed-stores in the city, lest the utmost advantage should not be -taken of the market, a list including the following principal varieties -was selected: roses, pinks, carnations, lilies, fleur-de-lys, jasmines, -peonies, verbenas, daisies, fuchsias, heliotropes, tulips, dahlias, -crocuses, tube-roses, forget-me-nots, jonquils, wall-flowers, -gillyflowers, mignonnette, fox-gloves, and china-asters. There were many -others, but this selection is sufficient to show that the garden was to -be well stocked. It is to be regretted that midsummer is not the most -appropriate time to plant flowers, and that many of them require to be -set out in earliest spring, or even the year before they are expected to -blossom. Drought is especially unfavorable to the sowing of seeds or -transplanting of roots, and the drought that had already begun to -distinguish this midsummer positively forbade immediate action.</p> - -<p>It is my impression that in early youth I remember reading of an ancient -Roman who, having lost a valuable ring overboard at sea, subsequently -caught<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_117" id="page_117"></a>{117}</span> the fish that had swallowed the ring. On recovering his -property, he raised his eyes toward heaven, wondering what terrible -calamity the gods had in store for him to equalize such good fortune. If -there is no such story there ought to be, for nature is certainly made -up of compensations. If a woman is rich she is rarely handsome; if a man -is handsome he is not apt to be wise; if we are extremely fortunate we -may expect a reverse; one misfortune wards off another; if we lose a leg -in battle we are likely to save our head; the old motto says, “Lucky in -love, unlucky in play;” and if it rains in spring, it is apt to be dry -weather in summer. It had rained all through the spring as though the -flood-gates of heaven never were to be closed, but when they were -finally shut down they fitted so well that scarcely a drop trickled -through the cracks. May was a deluge; July was a drought. All -authorities coincide in holding that seeds must be planted before or -immediately after a rain, but they give no directions how to produce a -rain if it does not come naturally. It was in vain that I waited for -even a shower—in vain that I scanned the sky at sunrise or sunset, -watched the wind, or consulted the weather-wise. Clouds ceased to be the -harbingers of rain; a threatening sunset only insured a cloudless -morrow; an easterly wind was positive<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_118" id="page_118"></a>{118}</span> evidence of clear weather, and -the sky was as blue as my feelings.</p> - -<p>The time for planting one species after another of seed or root passed -by. July came and went, August arrived and was slipping by, the list of -seeds was fearfully reduced, when at last clouds covered the sky and -rain began to fall. It is unnecessary to say that all such seeds as -might by any possibility germinate so late in the season were, in spite -of the pattering drops, planted ere the storm had fairly begun. -Bridgeman’s instructions had been learned by heart, and each kind was -set out in a circle, while a stick with the empty bag, marked with the -name, was stuck up in the centre. The trough in which they were planted -was dug about two inches deep, and filled with manure, to insure -vigorous growth. Two inches is deeper than was authorized, but it seemed -desirable that the plants should take a deep root. Hardly were the seeds -planted ere the rain stopped, the clouds broke, and the sun came out -hotter than ever. For three weeks that sun never ceased to blaze except -when it went to bed—for three weeks not another cloud appeared or drop -of rain fell.</p> - -<p>Tending a garden is a pleasant occupation, but when the only thing to be -done is to water, every morning and evening, a spot of bare earth where<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_119" id="page_119"></a>{119}</span> -seeds are supposed to be, it is monotonous. Some puppies that were kept -by a neighbor, and which were forever trampling over my premises, chewed -up and pulled out the sticks, and the location of the future plants -became somewhat indefinite; and when Weeville asked me one day how my -garden was getting on, I answered evasively,</p> - -<p>“Finely, so far as I can see.”</p> - -<p>My conscience permitted me to presume all was going on right -underground, although nothing had yet come to the surface. Not -satisfied, however, he wanted to know exactly how I had set out the -seeds; and when he was told they were planted two inches deep in a rich -bed of manure, he burst forth,</p> - -<p>“Why, you must have burnt them all up; plants want earth as much as -manure. And if you buried them two inches deep, you dug their grave; not -one will ever come up.”</p> - -<p>This coarse confidence on Weeville’s part was not pleasant. I knew -plants—thistles especially—would grow in manure, for my beds were full -of them, and they appeared to do best when covered over and surrounded -with the strongest lumps; but my mind had troubled me a little about the -depth at which the seeds were planted; so, when he was gone, I took the -first good opportunity to rake off about two inches of the earth.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_120" id="page_120"></a>{120}</span></p> - -<p>It rained at last; vegetation started in every direction except where I -supposed my seeds were; weeds spread over the beds, came up in the -walks, and exhibited great luxuriance. I watched my garden anxiously, -visiting it early and late; dreadful were my doubts and fears; but at -last a circle of beautiful delicate green began to show itself, not -exactly in the place I expected, but not far off. My delight was -unbounded. I watched that circle like a mother would watch a sick child. -I hung over it and tended it with most assiduous care. If the sun shone -two days in succession, I watered it; if it rained too hard, I sheltered -it. My triumph over Weeville was to be complete; it is true that only -one out of the numerous varieties that were planted had appeared, but it -would not be necessary to refer to the others.</p> - -<p>That green circle grew slowly. The tiny leaves, in spite of the great -care bestowed upon them, seemed to be feeble; their thin, pale stalks -were hardly able to support their weight; the slightest rain threatened -to wash them away, and a few hours of sunlight to scorch them up. I -nursed them carefully through their infantile diseases; and when they -were fairly past danger and presented a circle of unbroken green, I -invited Weeville out to inspect my garden.</p> - -<p>“Bare enough,” he said sarcastically, as he passed<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_121" id="page_121"></a>{121}</span> down the main path; -“plenty of walks and weeds, but no flowers this year.”</p> - -<p>“Wait till you see,” was my triumphant answer.</p> - -<p>“I can see pretty well now,” he replied; “there is certainly nothing to -obstruct the view. I have a fine prospect of muddy walks and -absurdly-shaped beds. You will learn to be practical before you are -through. Another year or two will take the city nonsense out of you, and -teach you some valuable lessons.”</p> - -<p>He was going on with his egotistical homilies, when I stopped him in -front of my infant plants.</p> - -<p>“Look at that!” I said, exultingly, grasping his arm and facing him -toward the bed.</p> - -<p>“Look at what?” he repeated, staring stupidly about.</p> - -<p>“At those plants. Are they not promising? I intend to separate and -transplant them: there will be abundance to stock half my garden. Rather -better than raising egg-plants, eh? We city boys know a few things, -after all. What do you think of those little beauties?”</p> - -<p>“What on earth—or, more properly speaking, in the earth—are you -talking about? I don’t see any plants, or beauties either.”</p> - -<p>“Not see any plants!” I replied, laughing at his ignorance. “Perhaps you -can not tell plants when<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_122" id="page_122"></a>{122}</span> you do see them: you must study Bridgeman. -These, sir, are the beautiful columbine <i>aquilegia formosa</i>, the most -lovely ornaments of the refined and elegant parterre.”</p> - -<p>I did not know what they were, as the stick was gone; but this was the -only name I could recall at the moment.</p> - -<p>“May I ask,” he replied, solemnly, “whether you are joking or crazy? If -the former, it is too damp here to make it worth while to continue the -entertainment; if the latter, the lunatic asylum is close by. What is it -you are talking about?”</p> - -<p>“Why, those <i>aquilegia formosas</i>, that beautiful circlet of exquisite -green that I planted a month ago, and which assiduous care has finally -brought to its present vigorous condition,” I rejoined, smiling proudly, -although my mind somewhat misgave me as to the vigorous health; “that -fertile hot-bed of fragrant beauty, that will furnish the groundwork, -with skillful increase, for my entire garden.”</p> - -<p>“What!” he demanded, in a surprised tone; “is that what you are talking -of?”</p> - -<p>“Yes,” I replied, a little confused, but confident still.</p> - -<p>“That your beautiful circlet of exquisite green which is to fecundate -your entire garden!” At this<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_123" id="page_123"></a>{123}</span> point he commenced laughing, and, between -shouts of merriment and the half-intelligible repetition of “exquisite -green,” it was ten minutes before he became comprehensible. “Why, that -circlet of exquisite green—” here he burst out again till he nearly -choked—“exquisite green is nothing but a lot of wild carrots, that you -have watered till you have washed all the life out of them.”</p> - -<p>Alas! this turned out to be true. What became of my seeds I never -discovered; whether they were drowned out, or burnt up, or raked away, -is hard to tell; certain it is that they have not come up to the present -time. But the greatest mystery is, why should wild carrots grow in a -circle merely to arouse hopes that were to be blasted?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_124" id="page_124"></a>{124}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VIII" id="CHAPTER_VIII"></a>CHAPTER VIII.<br /><br /> -<small>POULTRY.</small></h2> - -<p class="nind"><span class="letra">I</span> HAVE a respect for chickens. The hens have the finest qualities of the -most exemplary mothers; the cocks possess many of the characteristics, -in courage and devotion to “the sex,” of the cavaliers of olden time. -Behold the anxious matron ruffling her feathers and expanding her wings -in threatening defiance of the approaching stranger, or gathering the -little ones under her breast, and exposing her own person to the -swooping hawk. Observe the fierce-eyed rooster guarding his mates with -zealous care, ever ready to meet in deadly conflict the rival or -intruder, but invariably calling his wives to accept any unusual luxury -of fat grub or dainty bug. To be sure, they rise early, which the -uncultivated regard as a virtue, and make much noise when they wake, -crowing at most unseasonable hours; but as for the absurd charges that -the prejudiced author of “Ten Acres Enough” brings against them in -wholesale condemnation, these are not worth answering.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_125" id="page_125"></a>{125}</span></p> - -<p>What if they do scratch in the garden, it was clear that they could not -damage mine; and do they not also catch the early worm that destroys the -crop? Besides, chickens are good gastronomically, and eggs undeniable. -They pick up most of their own food, and consequently are economical, -and this, with so careful a calculator as myself, was sufficient. Their -increase is vast, and the profit upon them immense. If every hen should -only raise five broods yearly of ten each, and there were ten hens to -start with, at the end of two years they would number three hundred and -forty-four thousand seven hundred and sixty, after the superfluous -roosters were sold; and then, supposing the extra eggs to have paid for -their keeping, and the produce to be worth only a dollar and a half a -pair, there would be a clear profit of $258,520. Allowing for occasional -deaths, this sum might be stated in round numbers at a quarter of a -million, which would be a liberal increase from ten hens. Of course, I -did not expect to do so well as this, but merely mention what might be -done with good luck and forcing.</p> - -<p>Chickens had become very scarce about the time I wanted to purchase. -Whether hens had given up laying eggs or raising young was not clear, -but every old woman in the neighborhood to whom application<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_126" id="page_126"></a>{126}</span> was made -informed me that chickens were scarce and high, and that she only let me -have them as a special favor. Moreover, the breed of chickens kept at -Flushing is rare and valuable; they were either Shanghais, or Dorkings, -or Black Spanish, or something else extremely precious and desirable, -and none of them were worth less than five dollars a pair. They were -young and small, not yet exhibiting these remarkable attractions; but, -as one old woman observed when I suggested this circumstance, “Sure you -wouldn’t expect a little chicken to be a full-grown hen the moment it -comes out of the shell.” This was so clearly reasonable that I made no -farther objection, but purchased twenty pair of the best to be had. A -coop was built, and the chickens turned in, Patrick remarking, in the -process,</p> - -<p>“Indade, they were the smallest lot that iver he saw.”</p> - -<p>I explained that they would grow; but he shook his head, and seemed to -doubt it, and immediately proceeded to fill the smallest crevices in the -coop, lest they should creep through.</p> - -<p>Patrick fed and I watched these chickens faithfully. They were rather -unhappy-looking things at the start, and as their principal amusement -seemed<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_127" id="page_127"></a>{127}</span> to be plucking one another’s feathers out at meal-time, their -appearance did not improve. In a few days I observed that they had a -strange way of opening their mouths, as though they were sleepy; but, as -they went to bed at early candlelight, and slept, with little -intermission, except for the occasional recreation of pushing each other -off the perches, till sunrise, it seemed hardly possible, in spite of -their early rising, that they suffered for loss of sleep. If they did -happen to need more rest, no ready way suggested itself of supplying the -deficiency—unless they attended to it themselves, which there was -nothing to prevent—as I was not acquainted with an appropriate lullaby. -So they were left to their own devices. Their yawning became -infectious—as with human beings, when one gapes his companions will -follow suit—until at last one, that seemed to desire to outdo the -others or make up permanently for her lost time, “slept the sleep that -knows no waking.” This was bringing matters to a serious issue; and when -two more were found on a subsequent morning stark and stiff, Weeville -was sent for in all haste. He arrived in a short time with his usual -cheery manner, and inquired “What was the matter now?” as though nothing -ever went wrong with him, and as though he could put right every thing -that went<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_128" id="page_128"></a>{128}</span> wrong with others. He was shown to the coop, where -thirty-seven chickens were busily engaged opening their mouths every few -seconds, as though they had taken into their throats a very large-sized -grain of corn, and were unable to swallow it. It was an appalling sight. -There was an earnestness and solemnity about their actions that removed -all ludicrousness, and, with a painful feeling of despair, I asked what -could be the matter with them.</p> - -<p>“Why, they’ve got the gaps,” Weeville answered at once.</p> - -<p>If there is any thing unpleasant, it is to have a friend, whose advice -you have asked on a serious matter—a matter in which your feelings are -interested, if not otherwise very important—take advantage of the -opportunity to indulge his wit. A joke is never a joke when uttered at -the expense of a friend, or of the creatures, human or animal, for which -that friend has an affection. The only way to punish such ill-timed -pleasantry is to appear not to have felt it, and I responded carelessly, -although internally indignant,</p> - -<p>“You might better say they had the yawns. But, seriously, what is the -matter with them?”</p> - -<p>“I say they have the gaps; a whole black pepper<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_129" id="page_129"></a>{129}</span>—”</p> - -<p>“Never mind carrying the joke any farther,” I replied, firmly. “You may -think it witty to say my chickens have the gaps, and I would laugh if -possible; but, as three of them have died, it is no laughing matter. If -you have nothing more useful to suggest, we will return to the house.”</p> - -<p>“I say they have the gaps; don’t you know what that is? It is a regular -disease, coming often from dampness, neglect, or inherent weakness—some -people imagine there is a worm in the chicken’s throat—and is cured by -a change of diet, free exercise, and forcing whole black peppers down -their throats. Let your chickens out of this miserable little hole where -you have been suffocating them, and give them a change of diet, -especially some worms or meat, and compel the worst to swallow a whole -pepper every day or two. You may save a good many of them yet.”</p> - -<p>This was an exceedingly suggestive speech. My coop, which was some four -feet square, was called a “hole;” my care and attention were termed -“neglect;” and it was considered possible that I might save a “good -many” of my pets. So I laughed at the idea, ridiculed his remedy, and -told him there was danger that his “whole peppers” would keep them -awake, and make them more “gapy” than<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_130" id="page_130"></a>{130}</span> ever; but the moment he was gone, -Patrick and I caught every chicken, and, in spite of struggles and -cries, forced two whole peppers—for two were certainly better than -one—down the throat of each, and turned them out of the coop.</p> - -<p>They did not seem to be much improved by the operation, and went -“gaping” round the premises in a miserable way, leaving one of their -number dead here and another there, till they happened to attract the -attention of my neighbor’s pups. I have referred to these pups before. -They were playful creatures; if there was any horrible and disgusting -injury that they could, in a frolicsome mood, inflict upon me, they -never missed the chance. They tore up the sticks that I set to mark my -flowers; they scratched and dug in my strawberry bed, which I had -succeeded in planting before the summer was over; they dragged in every -direction my clothes that were laid out to bleach; they tormented my -favorite cat; they appeared to think of nothing but plan deviltry -against me, and do nothing but execute it. When the more flagrant of -these wrongs had from time to time been inflicted, my neighbor called to -apologize blandly and express his regrets, but never once proposed to -kill the dreadful brutes.</p> - -<p>The moment these pups saw my chickens they<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_131" id="page_131"></a>{131}</span> started after them. The -fluttering, squawking, and barking attracted my attention, and I gave -chase to the pups. Away we went, chickens screeching with fear, the pups -yelping with delight, and I storming with rage: “Come here! get out! go -home! how dare you?”</p> - -<p>If there had been one pup, I might have stood a chance; but, “being in -doubt where to begin,” I “both neglected.” Each pounced on a chicken—of -course, the largest and healthiest—and squeezed the breath out of them -in a moment, and did not even give me the sweet satisfaction of revenge; -but, having effected their object, and seeing me approach, stick in -hand, bent on exemplary punishment, they each dropped their prey, and, -darting through the neighboring fence, secured their retreat, or, as -army men have it, “saved their bacon.” This little amusement was renewed -daily, and Patrick was continually on guard against a sortie of the -enemy. But we became more skillful with practice, and a few -well-directed blows and successful shots sent the enemy howling to the -rear, and demoralized him greatly. Our chickens, however, had somewhat -diminished in number; there were the killed, wounded, and missing, -leaving quite a moderate residue. Moreover, there was a gentleman of -Irish extraction living<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_132" id="page_132"></a>{132}</span> close by, who had kept chickens before I had; -but it seemed to me that his flock increased as mine diminished, and I -even thought that I recognized some of my “lost ones.” It may be that -they went there for safety, although, if any questions were asked, he -could always explain how he came by that particular bird, and give its -entire history, and the man’s name that he bought it from.</p> - -<p>When the pups were repressed and the gaps cured, and my remaining -chickens—which were reduced to ten—were persuaded to stay at home, and -when they had become large enough to give promise of future usefulness -and eggs, Patrick was directed to prepare boxes for them to lay in. He -filled these half full of soft hay, and deposited a white glass -nest-egg, which cost twenty-five cents apiece, in each, and fastened -them up in the most enticing locations. But the chickens did not seem to -fancy the nests; in fact, they did not appear to turn their minds to -laying at all, but were contented to “eat, drink, and be merry,” without -regard to their philoprogenitive duties. Patrick suggested that a little -“mate” might bring them up to the required point, and, when that failed, -said something about lime being required to make the shells; but I did -not see the necessity for shells till we had the “filling” ready.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_133" id="page_133"></a>{133}</span></p> - -<p>Certainly every inducement was offered those chickens to lay; they had -abundant “feeds” of meal, and oats, and wheat, with “mate” twice a day, -like an Irish servant-girl; they had the grazing of the entire “five -acres,” and most attractive boxes, but they did not seem to improve -their opportunities. I had concluded that they were such a rare breed -that they could not afford to overstock the market, and no longer -wondered at their monstrous price, when Patrick rushed in to announce -that the big Dominick—by which name he insisted upon calling a bird -that had been sold to me as a Black Spanish of the most valuable -kind—had a nest full of eggs.</p> - -<p>“Sure and I jist found her out, the cunning baste; she stole her nest on -me, and has it full of the purtiest eggs yez iver saw.”</p> - -<p>“Well, Patrick, that is a good sign; you must look round and find some -more; they are all doubtless laying. Now go and bring me the eggs that -you have found.”</p> - -<p>“Bring in the eggs, is it?”</p> - -<p>“Certainly; it is too late in the year for setting.”</p> - -<p>“Sure, and how am I to do that?”</p> - -<p>“Why, go and take them; you’re not afraid of a hen?”</p> - -<p>“But how am I to get there?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_134" id="page_134"></a>{134}</span>”</p> - -<p>“Walk, of course; what do you mean by talking to me in that way?”</p> - -<p>“I don’t mane any thing at all, at all, but I can’t get the eggs unless -your honor pulls down the barn. The old spalpeen has settled herself -right under the middle of the flure, and meself spied her out through -the cracks.”</p> - -<p>Sure enough, there she was. Utterly regardless of all the attractive -boxes and imitation eggs, she had crawled away where only a rat could -follow, and where a rat would, in the end, be sure to follow her, and -had made her nest under the centre timber of the barn floor. There were -two ways of reaching her—either by digging a tunnel such as our -prisoners made at Libby, or by taking up the planks. As both of these -modes would have cost somewhat more than the eggs were worth, even -supposing she was a Black Spanish and not a Dominick—about which, I -confess, I occasionally had some doubts—we never enjoyed more than a -dim view through the dirty cracks of our “hidden treasures.”</p> - -<p>This, however, was rather encouraging; another hen might conclude to -lay, and might select a more eligible situation. It was a difficult -matter to get under the barn, and the next one might not be willing to -take the trouble, even for the satisfaction of<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_135" id="page_135"></a>{135}</span> putting her master at -defiance. But alas! the very next day Patrick waked me at daylight to -announce that the fowls were “all dead entirely.”</p> - -<p>After a vain attempt to understand him, I hurried on my clothes, and, -rushing to the coop where they were accustomed to roost, found it empty, -and their murdered corpses scattered about in every direction. The small -wounds, the unruffled feathers, the universal massacre, showed that a -mink had done the deed. My chickens, my rare and valuable chickens, that -were to have laid so many eggs and raised such countless posterity; the -roosters, that were to have been fathers of a long line of famous -descendants; the hens, that were to have been models of matronly -propriety and parental self-sacrifice; my pets, that I had raised -through so many dangers, that I had saved from one neighbor’s flock and -another neighbor’s pups; my profits, that were to have put the author of -“Ten Acres Enough” to silence, were cut off forever. Golden visions of -eggs were destroyed; anticipations of tender spring broilers were -disappointed; my quarter of a million of prospective profits—all were -annihilated together by a mink.</p> - -<p>We killed that mink. Like Oliver Twist, he returned for more, and met -his fate. I had him stuffed, for one mink-skin is certainly a curious -result from an investment of twenty pairs of chickens.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_136" id="page_136"></a>{136}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IX" id="CHAPTER_IX"></a>CHAPTER IX.<br /><br /> -<small>FALL WORK.</small></h2> - -<p class="nind"><span class="letra">T</span>HE summer was pretty well over, and the various duties which accompany -it accomplished after the manner already described; but there remained -much to be performed as the cool weather approached. Not only is there -the regular planting season in the spring, but Nature and Bridgeman -permit some plants to be set out and seeds to be sown in the fall. -September is the month for starting a strawberry-bed, and as my firm -resolve was to have a grand plot of this best of small fruits, and as my -first summer’s success encouraged me to continue a country residence, -Patrick was dispatched to the nearest nursery to engage two thousand -plants, to be delivered on the breaking out of the first shower.</p> - -<p>Here was the chance for me to make my fortune. The author of “Ten Acres -Enough” lays it down as a maxim always to buy some new and hitherto -unknown variety, that will bear the largest fruit in the<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_137" id="page_137"></a>{137}</span> greatest -profusion, and insure not only a return for the fruit, but a good income -by the sale of offshoots. So Patrick was directed to inform the -nurseryman that I wanted a new kind, just discovered and superior to all -that had preceded it. This request, though natural enough to any man who -had studied the work referred to, must have seemed strange to the -nurseryman, who was probably not literary, and who came back with -Patrick to see about it.</p> - -<p>He said he had several new varieties, but he was not entirely satisfied -that they were better than the common ones. There was one, however, that -promised well, called the Bonheur Seedling; but it had not been tested -thoroughly. By-the-by, what excellent scholars all market gardeners are. -Their ordinary language is Greek and Latin, and their nearest approach -to that of common mortals, French. They overwhelm you with -incomprehensible terms that early reminiscences assure you must be from -one of the dead languages, and call every-day fruits <i>Duchesse -d’Angoulême</i>, <i>Louise Bonne de Jersey</i>, <i>Belle Lucrative</i>, <i>Triomphe de -Gand</i>, and so forth. I was not surprised, therefore, at hearing the new -strawberry called “Bonheur Seedling,” and rather took to the name as an -omen of good luck. Without more ado, I ordered two thousand of the -“Bonheur Seedling,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_138" id="page_138"></a>{138}</span>” while visions of enormous fruit and invaluable -offshoots floated before my mind. The man, anxious, no doubt, to keep -the market to himself, suggested that perhaps I had better divide the -order and take some of the ordinary kinds; but his object was too -palpable to lead me from my purpose. If the Bonheur Seedlings were good -for him to keep, they were better for me to plant, and so the order was -not changed.</p> - -<p>The drought of the summer continued, and, having parched the ground till -it was as dry as an Irishman’s throat the morning after election day, -gave no signs of abating. September came in with a beautiful clear sky, -remained with a beautiful clear sky, and went out with a beautiful clear -sky. September is one of the finest months in the year, especially when -the cloudless heavens permit the sun to send his warm beams to temper -the cool breezes that begin to prevail, and, if a person has not a -strawberry bed on his mind, no weather can be more enjoyable; but when -agricultural purposes demand rain, even a cloudless September becomes -tiresome. Patrick waited in daily expectation. He had managed to dig up -the ground by the liberal use of a pickaxe and crowbar; but the sunshiny -days were a trial to him.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_139" id="page_139"></a>{139}</span></p> - -<p>“Shure I’m thinkin it’s never going to rain agin,” he said in despair, -and the nurseryman was of the same opinion, for his patience gave out, -and, without waiting for the actual falling of the precious drops, he -took advantage of the first dark day, which did not arrive till the -beginning of October, and sent the two thousand plants. Under these -circumstances, and as Bridgeman says the beds may be made in October, if -not finished before, there was nothing to be done but to soak the roots, -thus trying to make them believe it was raining, as Patrick explained -it, and set them out.</p> - -<p>A strawberry is a thrifty plant; the only inconsiderateness it is guilty -of is to fill its delicious pulpy fruit with nasty little crackling -seeds; but give it the least chance, and it will grow. Ours were -assiduously watered, and although, disgusted with the weather, some -wilted away, others managed to “weather it,” as our sailors say, and put -forth a few feeble leaves in testimony of existence. By the end of -October there were gaps in their regular ranks, but still the ranks were -discernible, and the bed was an accomplished fact. I was not a little -proud of this success. It is only necessary, in these cases, to take the -thing in hand one’s self, and I had kept the watering-pot in hand -steadily.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_140" id="page_140"></a>{140}</span></p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_140_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_140_sml.jpg" width="348" height="319" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p>Success in any undertaking in this life is a pleasant thing. The mere -accomplishment of what we are aiming at, regardless of its importance, -is a satisfaction, and a satisfaction that, so far in my country -experience, I had not frequently enjoyed. There, however, was the bed: -it was green with thriving beauty. To be sure, there were many weeds, -but there were also a few “Bonheur Seedlings.” Weeville made some -disparaging remarks—something about my having a good bed in two or -three years—<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_141" id="page_141"></a>{141}</span>but I felt too complacent to mind him. So, when the cold -began to increase, I had Patrick cover over my treasures carefully with -plenty of straw, and possessed my soul in patience for the next spring.</p> - -<p>The agriculture of modern days is very different from what it was in the -times of our forefathers. Without going back to the days of Adam and -Eve, when the vegetable kingdom managed itself, but after perspiration -became a necessity of existence, the first gardening was rude, seeds -were planted in the merest ignorance of all organic laws, and left to -the fate that the earth and the waters held in store for them. Slowly, -by innumerable failures, certain rules were learned, and fertilizers, -rotation of crops, and suitable soils were dimly comprehended. In later -days science has stepped in, and shed a flood of light on the subject. -Now, before you plant a seed, you ask a chemist to analyze the soil, and -ascertain exactly how much hydrogen, nitrogen, oxygen, phosphate of -lime, and other ingredients with hard names, the dirt is composed of, -and then you add whatever is deficient. One of the most beautiful -inventions of science is liquid manure; not that it is beautiful in -itself, for it certainly is not agreeable to the senses of smell or -sight, and probably not to that of taste, but it does so admirably -comply with all scientific<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_142" id="page_142"></a>{142}</span> requirements. The great object in applying a -fertilizer is to so subdivide its particles as to enable the finer -tissues of the roots to take it up by their almost invisible mouths. Not -only is this done perfectly by dissolving the material to be applied, -but water, the second great essential of vegetable life, is supplied at -the same time. Upon this subject all the scientific books, including my -favorites, “Ten Acres Enough” and “Bridgeman’s Assistant,” enter with an -enthusiasm which is surprising to the novice. Of course I was a great -admirer of the liquid theory, and resolved that my strawberries should -not suffer from its want.</p> - -<p>Nothing, however could be done till the following spring, and we must -anticipate events to give the conclusion of the attempt. It was with -some anxiety that I watched the removal of the straw covering the next -April, and with no little relief did I observe that the “Bonheur -Seedlings”—if they could be so called now that they had attained -maturity—were still there; not quite so numerous, perhaps, as when they -were covered up, and not by any means the original two thousand, but -still to the number of several scores. The first thing to do was to give -them a strong fertilizer, and that must be liquid. The drainings from -the kitchen had been led into a sink, and, having<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_143" id="page_143"></a>{143}</span> fermented during -winter, complied with all the requisites for this valuable nourishment. -So deeply had I been impressed with the necessity of saving every thing -that could supply plant-food, so entirely was I convinced of the force -of scientific arguments, and the duty which every man owes to his -country in aiding the fertility of her fields, that not a drop of the -precious liquid had been wasted.</p> - -<p>Patrick stared when he was told to water the plants with it, and -murmured something about “its being too hot”—quite an Irish absurdity, -considering it had been out all winter—but obeyed orders, and soon had -a nice coating of what looked much like whitewash over the entire bed. -After a day or two the “Bonheurs” were examined, and, not seeming very -strong, were treated to a second watering; then, as they did not -improve, fresh waterings were given them. In case of sickness science is -our only resource, and, although Patrick ignorantly begged to have them -left to themselves, the liquid fertilizer was applied steadily. It was -given to them early and late; the weaker and paler they became, the more -they had of it; once a day, twice a day, even three times a day, was the -dose exhibited.</p> - -<p>I am now satisfied that the “Bonheur Seedling” is not a success—it is -not a sufficiently hardy plant for<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_144" id="page_144"></a>{144}</span> our climate. They may be good -bearers—of this I can not speak—but they can not be called vigorous. -By the first of June the last had wilted away, in spite of steady -waterings with the best liquid manure. My experience in this matter is -of great value to the public; for, while I can advise no one to invest -in “Bonheur Seedlings,” I can thoroughly indorse the virtues of that -universally praised and admirably scientific liquid fertilizer—the -washings from the kitchen sink, and earnestly urge all young gardeners -never to omit the use of it on their beds. If any thing can insure the -success of the strawberry—even the “Bonheur Seedling”—it is this -invaluable compost, and the directions for saving it contained in all -agricultural works are well worth following, in spite of the trouble -they entail. No one who uses it will fail to thank science for the -benefits that it has conferred on agriculture. It is true that in my -case it was not quite equal to the occasion, and I had to buy new plants -and set them out in the spring; but I always regretted that the -sink-water was exhausted ere this was done, for I felt sure that on any -species but the feeble “Bonheur” so thoroughly scientific a fertilizer -would have had a prodigious effect.</p> - -<p>This very interesting matter has led us somewhat ahead of our story, -and, although it seemed essential<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_145" id="page_145"></a>{145}</span> to give these valuable results of the -application of science to strawberries, we must now return to our fall -work. Next in importance to the strawberries was the asparagus-bed, and -great were the preparations made for it. Bridgeman was consulted. He is -somewhat obscure, and I did not practically understand some of his -directions, especially the one which he lays down as of the first -importance, that the plot of ground must be thoroughly “trenched.” Of -course, I was perfectly acquainted with the meaning of that word in its -ordinary acceptation—it signifies to dig a ditch; but the exact purpose -of a ditch in an asparagus-bed was not entirely apparent. It was not for -drainage, for, as far as I could make out, the ditch was to be filled up -again as soon as made; it was not merely as an ornament, or to separate -these valuable plants from their baser and less aristocratic neighbors, -but it had some occult purpose manifestly connected with a subtle and -technical interpretation. An application to the last pictorial and -unabridged “Worcester” did no good: there “trench” was made to mean a -“pit, drain, or ditch.” As “drain or ditch” were impossible, so “pit” -seemed equally out of the question.</p> - -<p>Not seeing any better way out of the dilemma, and the necessity to -proceed being pressing, I put a bold<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_146" id="page_146"></a>{146}</span> face upon the matter, and, in an -indifferent sort of way, told Patrick to trench the necessary ground. To -my great surprise and relief, he understood me, and I found it was not -making a ditch round the plot, as I had suspected, but digging it well -over and putting in manure. The roots of the asparagus were -queer-looking things, without any green tops, reminding one of the -frogs’ legs seen in market strung on a stick, only that they have rather -more legs than a frog. They were planted under my own supervision, and -there we shall leave them until next spring, in the firm hope we shall -see more of them.</p> - -<p>The fruit-trees had to be set out in the fall, besides a forest of -shade-trees; but, as this was done in October, after the cold weather -had driven me to town, some painful mistakes arose in placing them; the -fruit-trees generally found themselves where the shade-trees were to -have been, and the smallest dwarfs usurped the locations of the tallest -monarchs of the forest. This produced an irregular effect. There bid -fair to be great thinness of foliage where we hoped for the densest -shade, and the large trees were generally planted in such parts of the -garden as required most sun; this, however, was not a serious matter, as -they could be arranged in the ensuing fall, and it is not clear, after -all, whether a little shade is<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_147" id="page_147"></a>{147}</span> not a good thing for plants in our -extreme climate. This, with plowing and digging, closed our fall work, -and in the next chapter we shall get a comparative statement of profit -and loss, showing the manifold advantages of living in the country.</p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_147_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_147_sml.jpg" width="247" height="379" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_148" id="page_148"></a>{148}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_X" id="CHAPTER_X"></a>CHAPTER X.<br /><br /> -<small>PROFIT AND LOSS.</small></h2> - -<p class="nind"><span class="letra">N</span>OW that we have finished our first year’s experience, and shown how -readily a person can pass from the profession of a lawyer to that of an -agriculturist, we come to the subject which, after all, is the great -question of both city and country life, and which we have always kept so -steadily in view—the question of profit and loss. The reader must bear -in mind that I had great difficulties to contend with; no one had kindly -set out fruit-trees for me, nor started my asparagus and strawberry -beds, nor even laid out my garden. Moreover, the weather had been -exceptionally hot and dry; for it does usually rain occasionally during -the summer in our climate, and several accidents had happened that can -hardly be expected to take place invariably. The profit, therefore, must -be looked for, not in the merely vulgar, material sense, but somewhat in -the sensations, thoughts, and experiences that were included in the -results of the year’s labor. To be sure, there was an<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_149" id="page_149"></a>{149}</span> indirect material -gain: if I had gone to Saratoga or Newport, or had hired a summer -residence elsewhere, $2000 or $3000 would hardly have covered the -expense, even if I did not fall into the clutches of the “tiger;” and if -I had staid in the city, at the present price of mint juleps and sherry -cobblers, and the present dusty condition of the public thoroughfares, I -could hardly have got off for less. The pure air of Flushing supplied -the place of both these excitements, while the deep interest of my -agricultural pursuits kept my mind in a pleasant state of occupation.</p> - -<p>The original outlay for house and grounds was, in round numbers, -$15,000; my fruit-trees cost $145 50, which must be added to principal -of investment, as it was not to be expected I should have to buy -fruit-trees every year. The strawberry plants cost $20, and this should -also be part of principal; but, as they all died, it may be that this -must be yearly expense, at least for the first season. The asparagus -plants cost $25, and we can hardly be able to tell where to place that -item until next year shall determine what becomes of them. The baker’s -boy, who served me with bread, ran his cart against my gate-post, and -put me to an expense of $35 for repairs; this clearly should be -principal, as he could hardly be expected to renew the operation yearly; -besides, he has been<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_150" id="page_150"></a>{150}</span> dismissed by his employer. My seeds cost $3 75, -and, as they never came up, I fear they must go to annual expenditure. -The bean-poles cost $2, and, if the neighboring boys do not steal them, -that is an item of investment. The nest-eggs for the hens cost 75 cents, -which, I have been informed, is more than they are worth; but that -constitutes permanent capital. My furniture was badly damaged in being -transported from the city to the country, and then from the country to -the city; the legs of the chairs became somewhat displaced, and the -upper drawer fell out of one bureau, that was laid face downward; but, -as I am now suing the express-men for damages by reason of their -negligence, it is hard to say whether this should be included; I have -put my damages at $250, but, perhaps, for the purposes of this work, we -might reduce them to $25. Dandy Jim cost $450, and ate about half as -much in hay and oats, and smashed my wagon to such an extent that the -repairs came to $50, and the wagon was nearly ruined. I paid $100 for -the cow, and would not part with her for twice the money. The chickens -cost $105, which item must go to annual expenditure, less the value of -one mink skin. The pig cost $12, and grew finely, eating not only all -the kitchen refuse, but a good feed of corn-meal and water three times<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_151" id="page_151"></a>{151}</span> -a day; unfortunately, pork fell, and when he was killed he would only -have produced $11 in market; but, as we intended to cure and eat him, he -would have been fairly worth what we should have had to pay for salt -pork by retail, had not an accident happened that will be described -hereafter. The value of the premises was really greatly enhanced by -their occupation and the improvements made on them, but the precise -amount of such increase is too indefinite to be stated with the accuracy -required by this work, consequently it is omitted altogether, the -intention of the writer being to give only such items as may be fully -relied on by any person intending to embark in a similar venture.</p> - -<p>The account may be stated as follows:</p> - -<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary=""> -<tr><td class="c" colspan="2">INVESTMENT.—DEBIT.</td></tr> -<tr><td>Premises</td><td class="rt">$15,000 00</td></tr> -<tr><td>Fruit-trees</td><td class="rt">145 50</td></tr> -<tr><td>Shade-trees (mostly in wrong places)</td><td class="rt">107 00</td></tr> -<tr><td>Asparagus plants (doubtful)</td><td class="rt">25 00</td></tr> -<tr><td>Repairs to gate</td><td class="rt">35 00</td></tr> -<tr><td>Bean-poles</td><td class="rt">2 00</td></tr> -<tr><td>Dandy Jim</td><td class="rt">450 00</td></tr> -<tr><td>Cow</td><td class="rt">100 00</td></tr> -<tr><td>Nest-eggs</td><td class="rt">75</td></tr> -<tr><td class="c">Total</td><td class="btrt">$15,865 25</td></tr> -</table> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_152" id="page_152"></a>{152}</span></p> - -<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary=""> -<tr><td colspan="2" class="c">INVESTMENT.—CREDIT.</td></tr> -<tr><td class="hang">Premises worth</td><td class="rt">$15,000 00</td></tr> -<tr><td class="hang">Trees (besides improving the premises)</td><td class="rt">350 00</td></tr> -<tr><td class="hang">Asparagus-bed (if successful)</td><td class="rt">150 00</td></tr> -<tr><td class="hang">Bean-poles (if not stolen)</td><td class="rt">2 00</td></tr> -<tr><td class="hang">Dandy Jim (would be glad to take)</td><td class="rt">200 00</td></tr> -<tr><td class="hang">Cushy (would not sell her for)</td><td class="rt">200 00</td></tr> -<tr><td class="hang">Nest-egg (all but one lost)</td><td class="rt">05</td></tr> -<tr><td class="c">Total</td><td class="btrt">$15,902 05</td></tr> -</table> - -<p>The increased value in the trees is due to the fact that they have been -standing some months, and are really worth so much more on one’s place -than crowded together in a nursery. A few may die—but it is not well to -anticipate misfortunes—and the expense of replacing them will, in such -case, fall into the annual account of the succeeding year.</p> - -<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary=""> -<tr><td colspan="2" class="c">YEARLY EXPENDITURE.</td></tr> -<tr><td class="hang">Interest on investment</td><td class="rt">$1050 00</td></tr> -<tr><td class="hang">Strawberry plants</td><td class="rt">20 00</td></tr> -<tr><td class="hang">Seeds</td><td class="rt">3 75</td></tr> -<tr><td class="hang">Damages to furniture</td><td class="rt">25 00</td></tr> -<tr><td class="hang">Repairs of wagon (yearly expenditure so long as Dandy Jim remains with me)</td><td class="rt">50 00</td></tr> -<tr><td class="hang">Chickens</td><td class="rt">105 00</td></tr> -<tr><td class="c">Total</td><td class="btrt">$1253 75</td></tr> -</table> - -<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary=""> -<tr><td colspan="2" class="c">YEARLY PROCEEDS.</td></tr> -<tr><td class="hang">Expense of trip to Newport or Saratoga saved </td><td class="rt">$2000 00</td></tr> -<tr><td class="hang">Proceeds from suit against express-men</td><td class="rt">50 00</td></tr> -<tr><td class="hang">Costs, ditto</td><td class="rt">200 00</td></tr> -<tr><td class="hang">One mink skin</td><td class="rt">25</td></tr> -<tr><td class="c">Total</td><td class="btrt">$2250 25</td></tr> -</table> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_153" id="page_153"></a>{153}</span></p> - -<p>The profits of my first year were not large, but sufficient to induce me -to continue the experiment. There may be some few items of expense, such -as neglect of business, which are omitted; but the amount is difficult -to compute, and rather too remote, as we lawyers say, for the business -might have been neglected in any event. The mink skin was taken at a bad -season of the year for the fur; it is included among the annual receipts -as an offset to the chickens, and in the confident expectation that if -another mink were to do similar damage he would suffer the same fate. -The clear profit may be set down at $1000 in round numbers, which was -entirely satisfactory, considering the unusual difficulties that -presented themselves, and which more experience and less drought would -probably remove in succeeding years. It will be observed that the costs -of suit are included, although the case is not yet tried; but as it is a -question involving a long account of many items, and is brought by a -lawyer, the judge will probably refer it to another lawyer, who will -undoubtedly perceive the justice of the claim. The amount of both -recovery and costs is rather understated, if any thing. This is a source -of profit that could only be counted on by one of the profession; a -non-professional would probably find<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_154" id="page_154"></a>{154}</span> it the other way; but, as the -damages are charged, the receipts must go against them. The saving on -the trip to Newport or Saratoga is fairly included, as none of my -readers would expect me to pass the summer in town.</p> - -<p>This was certainly, taken all in all, a flattering exhibit, as, with the -charming and original author of “Ten Acres Enough,” when he forgot to -put any clothing on the backs of his wife and daughters, we must not -confine our view merely to the humdrum matter of fact affairs of -every-day life, but must look at the whole subject from a higher -stand-point. Think of all the pleasures, intellectual and physical, of -the change from the dull, dreary city streets to the lovely country -roads—from the nasty Croton, running through its poisonous leaden -pipes, and vulgarly penetrating into every room on every story, to the -pure, sparkling well-water, so fresh and delicious (after the cat was -removed), drawn from the deep well by pump or bucket. Think of going -from the unhealthy atmosphere of overcrowded New York, where sickness of -all kinds is on the look-out for its victims—where pestilence stalks in -the noonday—to the invigorating air of Flushing, where a slight attack -of chills and fever, if it does happen, is rather an agreeable variety. -Think of escaping from the<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_155" id="page_155"></a>{155}</span> offensive over-supply of Fulton and -Washington Markets, and the consequent difficulty in making selections -for the daily returning dinner, and being every morning informed by the -butcher-boy that you can have a beefsteak or mutton-chop, and nothing -else, according as hairy or woolly cattle are cheapest. Think of all -these advantages, apart from pecuniary considerations!</p> - -<p>In a moral aspect, the advantage is equally striking. No late hours or -evening dissipations at Flushing—no demoralizing club-life—no -theatrical entertainments—no political meetings. Occasionally, perhaps, -some exponent of the water-cure theory, some second-rate necromancer, -some believer in spiritualism, or some devotee of cold water, gives a -lecture at the town hall; but these can scarcely rise to the dangerous -dignity of dissipations, and are agreeably somnolescent in their -influence. Husbands are not apt to be led away by them into neglecting -their wives, nor literary or professional men into deserting their -books; while for the youth of either sex these attractions are not -excessive. Once in a while there may be a public ball, but, as every one -has been seeing every body else every day in every week for months, if -not years, and as nothing but ice cream, cakes, and lemonade are served -round, it is a mild species of orgy at worst.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_156" id="page_156"></a>{156}</span></p> - -<p>But, to escape from moral considerations and to return to practical -ones, it will be observed that the pig does not appear in the accounts; -this is due to what may properly be called an accident, and can not be -blamed to the writer. Piggy grew finely, and toward Christmas Patrick -butchered him in artistic style, and brought him to the city. He must -have weighed 220 lbs., although, not having scales sufficiently strong -to sustain that weight, I can not be positive that he did not exceed it; -but, unfortunately, the price of pork was then only five cents per -pound, which would have brought him to eleven dollars, whereas we had -paid twelve for him six months before, and put a goodly amount of corn, -to say nothing of swill, into him besides. He was not for sale, however, -being intended for the salting-kettle, and I proceeded to cut him up.</p> - -<p>I was not skilled in the art of animal dissection, and the result would -hardly have been approved by a scientific butcher. His back was -particularly hard to split, especially with no better instrument than a -heavy carving-knife, which was somewhat nicked in the operation, and it -was very difficult to chop in the true line. Surgery not having been a -part of my education, I found the disjointing of the limbs an intricate -process. The shoulders and hams took<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_157" id="page_157"></a>{157}</span></p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_157_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_157_sml.jpg" width="342" height="339" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p class="nind">odd shapes, unlike what I had been accustomed to seeing on table, and -the flesh insisted upon looking more like gobs than the ordinary pieces. -Still, Patrick was strong, and he pulled as I cut, and between us -something was sure to give way, and I succeeded in separating the -joints, and reducing him to a shape that would go into the barrel, the -abundant fat that I encountered in the process promising well for the -quality of the future salt pork that he was to make.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_158" id="page_158"></a>{158}</span></p> - -<p>Weeville had given me an accurate recipe for preparing the brine that -was to cover him: it was to be composed of salt and water boiled, and -strong enough to bear an egg, with a modicum of saltpetre. The hams and -shoulders were to be rubbed well with brown sugar, with a view to their -being smoked, and the brine was to be poured over the pork after the -latter had been carefully packed in the barrel, and then a weight was to -be laid on top.</p> - -<p>These directions were very explicit, and it seemed impossible to make a -mistake; but, unfortunately, Weeville forgot to mention that the brine -must be allowed to cool before it is used. Being ignorant of this -important particular, I poured the boiling pickle over the meat, which -had been carefully disposed in the bottom of a huge hogshead, and calmly -awaited the effect. Without entering into farther particulars on this -painful subject, it is sufficient to say that we did not eat our own -salt pork that year. It would undoubtedly have been remarkably fine, and -far superior to any thing that is to be had in market, for it is my firm -impression that that pig had eaten three or four times its weight in -corn before it had consented to harden its flesh, which my scientific -neighbors tell me is the object in feeding corn. I bore the -disappointment as well as I could, but it is to<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_159" id="page_159"></a>{159}</span> be regretted that -people are not more careful to be exact in their instructions; and, -above all, when an error of this kind is committed and pointed out, they -should not reply—as Weeville was inconsiderate enough to do, when I -told him of his omission—“Well, I thought you knew enough for that.”</p> - -<p>This loss, being a mere accident, for which I was clearly no more to -blame than if my pocket had been picked in the cars, or I had trod on a -nail when surveying my garden and been compelled to pay doctor’s bills, -is not fairly chargeable to the account of country life. In fact, the -loss took place in the city; for when the pig left the country he was -manifestly worth eleven, if not twelve dollars, at market rates, and was -even more valuable for home consumption. The loss was not my fault, nor -the pig’s fault, and Weeville says it was not his fault—and it -certainly was not the fault of country life—so I have omitted it -altogether from the statement.</p> - -<p>I have been particular to be thus explicit and exact, and to keep every -thing within bounds; for, knowing what numbers will be induced by these -pages to follow my example, I wish to give them merely such views and -facts as they can implicitly rely upon; and it is confidently believed -that any other professional man can do as well as I did, or<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_160" id="page_160"></a>{160}</span> very nearly -so, with any five acres he may select in the vicinity of Flushing, or in -some other equally eligible locality, if any locality as eligible as -that delightful and fashionable village can be found—a point about -which, until my lots are sold, I shall continue to have very great -doubts.</p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_160_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_160_sml.jpg" width="243" height="251" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_161" id="page_161"></a>{161}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XI" id="CHAPTER_XI"></a>CHAPTER XI.<br /><br /> -<small>THE FLUSHING SKATING-POND—A DIGRESSION.</small></h2> - -<p class="nind"><span class="letra">“W</span>ELL,” said Weeville one day, during the ensuing winter, as he dropped -into my quiet office in the city, where I try to forget the charms and -allurements of the country, and devote myself to Coke, Blackstone, and -Kent, “we have finally put our skating-pond in good hands. Last year -there was much complaint because the snow was not cleared off, and the -best days in the season were wasted from this neglect; but now we shall -have no farther trouble. You know the ice-man, Willis, who supplies the -residents with ice—he has taken hold of it. His services were engaged -at considerable expense, because we all knew his long experience had -made him thoroughly acquainted with the subject. He has had to do with -ice ever since he was a boy; he has cut it, and packed it, and sold it, -and can make it freeze if there is any freeze in it. During the mildest -winters his supply has never failed; he is a remarkable<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_162" id="page_162"></a>{162}</span> man in that -line. We have a splendid pond, nicely fenced in, and much superior to -your Central Park affairs, where the boys jostle and upset you, or to -the petty concerns got up as rinks, and occupying half a city block, -where you can scarcely turn round. There is plenty of room on our lake, -and the company is select. You are fond of skating. Why don’t you make -up a party and run out some day? All the best people go there, and you -know how pretty our girls are in Flushing.”</p> - -<p>I had come to the city quite early, not being entirely satisfied, in my -blind ignorance, that winters in the country, with snow or mud on the -ground, the thermometer clinging to zero, and the wind having full -sweep, were as pleasant as they are in New York, even when streets are -impassable and sidewalks slippery. Nevertheless, I am devotedly fond of -skating; not that I excel in the art; for, on the contrary, I can do -little more than the simplest steps, and generally return from every -expedition with bruised body and sore limbs. I keep on hoping that I -shall improve, and make the most of the fresh air and exercise, although -the fancy steps, and my efforts to disregard the simplest laws of -equilibrium, bring me to grief. It is pleasant to skate, and pleasant to -see others skate, especially of the female sex, with their cheeks<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_163" id="page_163"></a>{163}</span> aglow -and their eyes sparkling, and with their neat dresses and dainty feet. -On the Central Park the troublesome boys annoy me, and the private ponds -are so filled with superior artists that I am ashamed to appear on them; -skating is not only a fashionable recreation, but peculiarly a country -pastime, where ponds abound, not having been filled up to make city -lots; so I determined to take advantage of Weeville’s suggestion.</p> - -<p>Moreover, I am fond of the best people; I like good society. It is -pleasant to mention that I met so and so, and imply that we are on -intimate terms. Of course, all are equals in this country, and my family -is exceedingly old, going back almost to the time of my grandfather. I -have a right to consideration, but still one feels better to be among -the best. Besides these two attractions, Weeville had intimated that the -young ladies of the neighborhood frequented that favored pond; this was -a still stronger inducement. Woman is pretty in every costume that -fashion adopts; she is angelic in high bonnets and divine in flat hats; -she is bewitching in tight skirts, and enrapturing in balloon crinoline; -she is entrancing in short robes, and overwhelming in long trains; -whether she wears feathers or ribbons, crape or colors, high necks or -low necks, she is charming; but in a skating<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_164" id="page_164"></a>{164}</span> costume, with her dress -high looped up, her red balmoral appearing below, and her dear little -feet—seeming smaller from being strapped to skates—peeping out from -under all, and occasionally exhibiting an ankle above, she becomes -tenfold more enchanting. The exercise and cold air are splendid artists -for painting her cheeks, and the swan is nowhere in comparison with her -grace of motion. No place so abounds in the beautiful of their sex as -Flushing. So I resolved that I would steal a day from pressing cares and -labors, and collect a few friends to visit the skating pond.</p> - -<p>The house had been finished and closed, and had been given in Patrick’s -charge; some furniture had been left there, and it was merely necessary -to make a few arrangements to receive hospitably the guests who had been -invited. Weeville was to bring me word when the ice was solid, so that -we might start on the ensuing morning early. The thermometer was the -subject of much interest for some days. It went down finally, and staid -down resolutely; rumors circulated that the New York Rink was frozen, -and skating had commenced there; next the public conveyances bore -announcements that the opposition private pond was solid; and finally -the red ball went up, and thousands rushed to the Central Park. Our<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_165" id="page_165"></a>{165}</span> -party, too much on the <i>qui vive</i> for the superior attractions of -Flushing to make engagements for any of those places, waited and waited -for Weeville. After the rest of the skating world had been enjoying -themselves for a week, he appeared at my office in a great state of -hilarity.</p> - -<p>“Ready at last,” he shouted. “Willis wanted the ice to be solid; a -careful man, that; no accidents while he is in charge. But last night -fixed it. The ice is at least six inches thick, and to-morrow the whole -town will be on hand. Nothing like starting right; put some one with -brains at the head, and you are sure to go straight; twenty years’ -experience does not pass for nothing. I suppose you have been impatient, -but remember we have no life-saving machines, and it is better to be on -the sure side, if it is a little slower. Come in the early train -to-morrow.”</p> - -<p>There was great excitement in warning and collecting our forces, and we -did not get off as early as we hoped; but having at last managed to -cross the river and reach the train—except a few couples that were left -behind—we were soon at the Flushing dépôt.</p> - -<p>Instead of having wagons ready to carry the party at once to the pond, -as he had promised, Weeville received us alone. His usual hilarity was -wanting, his<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_166" id="page_166"></a>{166}</span> air was sad, his manner disconsolate. As we crowded around -him, he said slowly, “There is no skating.”</p> - -<p>“Ridiculous,” was the answer, in a chorus of astonished voices; “there -must be skating.”</p> - -<p>“Yes,” said our precise associate, “I have a recording thermometer, and -last night the mercury fell to fifteen.”</p> - -<p>“Your man is a little too cautious,” I said; “there is such a thing as -erring on the right side.”</p> - -<p>“Oh!” said the ladies, “if that’s all, we are not afraid; are we, -Mr.——?” each turning to her particular companion with a look that -induced the latter to engage unanimously to answer for their safety.</p> - -<p>“But there is no ice,” again said Weeville, with a manner of most -deplorable abasement.</p> - -<p>“Now, how can that be?” demanded our precise man again; “water freezes -at thirty-two.”</p> - -<p>“Why,” burst forth the female chorus, “the Central Park has been frozen -these two days.”</p> - -<p>“Well, Mr. Weeville,” I then commenced, growing incensed at his -stupidity, “if there was no ice, why did you tell me last evening that -it was six inches thick?”</p> - -<p>“So it was,” he replied, still more drearily.</p> - -<p>“Then, in Heaven’s name, what has become of it?”</p> - -<p>“Willis cut it all yesterday, and put it in his <span class="pagenum"><a name="page_167" id="page_167"></a>{167}</span>ice-houses,” was the -final reply. If he had fired a pistol among the party, my friend could -not have surprised them more. “He says he wanted it to freeze smoother; -but the pond is ruined for the season, as the little pieces and lumps -that have broken off will remain, and destroy the surface.”</p> - -<p>“What a shame!” cried the ladies. “The scoundrel!” growled the men. -“Well, what can we do?” asked the former. “Let us go home,” replied the -latter. Vain were my imploring requests that they would at least visit -my country seat—in company I speak of it as my country “place” or -“seat”—that they might warm themselves after their journey, and satisfy -the cravings of hunger and thirst. “All aboard!” yelled the conductor, -for the Flushing trains make immediate return trips, like ferry-boats. -My companions clambered up the steps and into the seats, and, in a -moment more, were being whirled back to the city. I did not accompany -them, but remained with Weeville, who, though far from lively, was -probably a more pleasant associate for me just then.</p> - -<p>In fact, on the question of skating the city seems to possess certain -advantages. In the country snow keeps falling at odd and inconvenient -times, and there are no enthusiastic individuals to shovel it off.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_168" id="page_168"></a>{168}</span> -Hardly does the thermometer go down into the twenties, and succeed in -congealing the surface and raising the expectations of the devotees of -the “ringing steel,” ere the clouds cover the sky, snow-flakes make -their appearance, and settle down with some inches of soft -impassability, winding up, probably, with a rain or “freeze,” that -leaves the entire surface of every pond an uninviting expanse of “humps -and bumps,” that bid defiance equally to high art and unskilled -blundering. The ice-shaving machines, the snow-sweepers and the like, -are confined to the metropolitan limits; and, although there is plenty -of ice in the country, it is often hard to get at, even if there is not -an “ice-man” to carry it away for other uses than skating.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_169" id="page_169"></a>{169}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XII" id="CHAPTER_XII"></a>CHAPTER XII.<br /><br /> -<small>THE SECOND YEAR.</small></h2> - -<p class="nind"><span class="letra">W</span>E now come to the second year. The house had been finished. It occupied -a commanding position on the beautiful square that constituted my -possessions, and, with the wind whistling through the innumerable -ornaments that covered the edges of its high peaks, brought to mind its -original seafaring owner. The land had been well plowed, at last, and -was no longer impervious to spade and pick; the strawberries, whose -untimely fate has already been described in anticipation, had been -planted, and the asparagus-bed was in a promising state of preparation. -Fruit-trees, and raspberry bushes, and the “great Lawton -blackberry”—which, having originally been discovered by Mr. Seaton, was -called by my intelligent fellow-farmers after Mr. Lawton, because both -names ended with “ton”—were set out; my accounts for the year were made -up, and I determined to go to Europe.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_170" id="page_170"></a>{170}</span></p> - -<p>My trip was principally undertaken—apart from some business claims -which importunate clients insisted on pressing upon me—to study the -European mode of agriculture. With that view I spent most of my time in -Paris, and went steadily to the Jardin des Plantes, Jardin -d’Acclimitation, Jardin Mobille, Château de Vincennes, Château des -Fleurs, the Lilac Festival, Bois des Boulogne, Pare Monceau, and all -such places where there was a chance to learn any thing I did not know -before. The information I acquired was very valuable, and if the reader -perceives its effect in the future pages he need not be surprised.</p> - -<p>This threw the garden pretty much upon Patrick’s shoulders, and he -bought me a new lot of forty chickens, two watch-dogs, and four cats—as -the rats had almost taken possession of my house and barn, thinking, -apparently, that it was built for their convenience—and put into the -ground the most enormous quantity of manure. He seemed to have imbibed -the scientific agriculturist’s admiration for fertilizers, or else felt -an interest in the welfare of his numerous friends and compatriots in -the neighborhood who kept pigs and cattle, and raised what the books -politely term compost. He spread seven hundred loads of it on my five -acres, and when he was through there was not a load of compost to be had -in Flushing for<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_171" id="page_171"></a>{171}</span> love—although I do not believe that ever bought a load -of compost any where—or money.</p> - -<p>Of course, I did not know exactly what seeds Patrick had put in, and if -I asked him, during the spring, whether he had this or that vegetable, -his answer always was, “Shure and he had lashings ov it;” but I feared -he had a sneaking weakness for onions and cabbages. My first question on -my return, which was after a flying visit of a few months, in which I -had learned all that was essential, was about the success of the -asparagus-bed.</p> - -<p>“Faith, nothing has iver come up,” was the heart-rending response. -“There was a most beautiful pond of water standing on the spot all -winter, and I consaited that the roots was rotted out intirely; so, as -the bed was ilegantly manured, I jist put in a fine crop o’ turnips, as -I thought that would be the doin’ ov it.”</p> - -<p>This was the end of my asparagus—a bed that requires three years to -mature, and which could not be started till another fall; a bed that had -been trenched and fertilized, and on which so much brain-work and -back-work had been expended; a bed in which the roots ought to have -slept comfortably and safely during their sleepy season. One or two -spears struggled up through the second planting, but even they<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_172" id="page_172"></a>{172}</span> were -feeble, and barely exhibited that delicate fringe that mature asparagus -assumes by contrast to its earlier state. My disgust can be imagined—to -plant asparagus and reap turnips, which I never eat, and yet have -Patrick inform me that this was “the doing of it!” To have, in place of -the most aristocratic and delicate of vegetables, the most vulgar and -indigestible one; to have the favorite plant of refined gourmets -supplanted by the food of cattle! I felt as though the only thing “done” -was myself.</p> - -<p>Although my return to farming was a little late in the season, I went to -work in earnest, undismayed by this deplorable failure, planting every -spot that Patrick had neglected, and, as his memory was not very -accurate, occasionally putting a second sowing where he had already -planted a different seed. I felt I must make the most of my ground in -its present productive condition, and filled up every hole and corner. -The weather was propitious, and every thing grew in grand style. The -peas climbed up the bushes that were set round them and out over the -top; the beans went to the summit of their poles, and then waved their -heads round in the wind like measuring-worms on the end of a stick; and -the squashes covered the ground with enormous leaves.</p> - -<p>The first that came to bearing were our peas—<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_173" id="page_173"></a>{173}</span>Daniel O’Rourkes, of -course. They rather went to stalk, being some seven feet high—about -twice their proper height, as laid down in agricultural works, and -almost out of reach. There were not many pods, and Patrick said “he -’most broke his back laining up to reach ’em;” but the flavor fully -justified Weeville’s enthusiasm. Unfortunately, only two rows had been -planted, and they furnished but a few meals—we had moved out of town -early to enjoy the full benefit of our fresh vegetables—and our next -planting consisted of a quantity of dwarf marrowfats. Now dwarf peas -have some advantages; they are easy to plant and easier to take care of; -they grow luxuriantly and bear abundantly; they are what farmers call a -“sure crop,” but as for eating them, that is another question. In a -religious and penitential point of view they would be invaluable, as no -amount of boiling would ever soften them. It is said they are a -profitable crop, and good, when plowed under, to enrich the land. It -would seem as though they were excellent in every way but on the table, -and it so happened that it was just for this especial purpose that I -wanted them. My land needed no farther enriching—Patrick’s compost had -done that effectually. Piety, of course, is desirable in its way, and -penitence is necessary, but mine never ran in the pea line; and -pilgrimages<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_174" id="page_174"></a>{174}</span> in tight boots was as much as ever I could endure and -retain a pious frame of mind, without adding the torture of dwarf peas. -Patrick, however, had great faith in dwarf peas, because they required -no bushes, and had consequently planted little else, so that our taste -of Daniel O’Rourkes was tantalizing. After the latter were gone we -bought the peas for our table in the village, while I had the -satisfaction of feeding Patrick the dry, tasteless “dwarfs” all summer, -till he thought the “dwarf pays weren’t good at all, at all.”</p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_174_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_174_sml.jpg" width="342" height="323" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_175" id="page_175"></a>{175}</span></p> - -<p>Our next crop was squashes. We had the earliest squashes in all -Flushing. Their broad leaves covered the ground and reached up like -hands toward heaven; their insinuating runners spread in every -direction; large yellow flowers, into which bumblebees retired for honey -till they were out of sight, appeared innumerably, and at last the -creamy, delicate fruit shone through the thick foliage. It was with no -little exultation that I handed a fine large ripe one to Weeville, whose -vines were not nearly so forward. I anticipated his surprise, and -watched for its manifestation with interest. He, however, thanked me -kindly, but said he never ate squashes. This was simply the effect of -envy. He was indignant that his scholar should have been ahead of him, -and pretended he was merely raising a few for the servants. The excuse -was a palpable evasion, and I did not allow it to depress me, although I -must confess that I do not eat squashes myself. Peas are fine, -especially Daniel O’Rourkes, and except dwarfs; but squashes are a -miserably watery vegetable, fit only to feed cattle, who will hardly eat -them—except always when one raises them one’s self, and has the -earliest in the neighborhood, then they must be eaten with a relish, and -I did my best to keep up appearances.</p> - -<p>Our cucumbers were a marvel of success. The<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_176" id="page_176"></a>{176}</span> water and musk melons did -not do so well, although the squashes were placed on one side of them -and the cucumbers on the other. Unfortunately, I do not eat cucumbers -either. The onions succeeded admirably—almost too much so, for Patrick, -as I had dreaded, had planted about an acre of them. I should have eaten -these, but there is a popular prejudice against them, and I observed -that after indulging in them, if I paid a visit, my lady friends did not -care to hear me whisper sweet nothings into their ears. Our turnips and -cabbages were immense, but it was never expected that any one but the -servants and cattle would touch them. The cauliflowers and egg-plants -did not do so well. Patrick made an effort to sell our surplus -vegetables, but the market seemed to be supplied, or the price turned -out very different from what we were in the habit of paying when we -purchased. They mostly went to Cushy, Dandy Jim—who rather turned up -his nose at them—and the pigs, of which Patrick had purchased an entire -litter.</p> - -<p>I am a great admirer of cauliflowers, with their creamy consistency and -delicate flavor, and when July arrived, as ours evinced no desire to -hold up their heads and “blossom like the rose,” it was clear “something -must be done, and that shortly.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_177" id="page_177"></a>{177}</span>”</p> - -<p>Fresh application was made to the books, but the information there -contained was not quite so full and satisfactory as had been expected. -Much was said about cold frames, and housing young plants for the -winter, but very little that seemed to meet the case in point. My plants -did not want any housing over winter; they were to be eaten at once, if -they would only come to the edible point. The sole difficulty was that -they presented to the eye nothing that in the least resembled what one -finds in market under the name of cauliflower—a delicious concentration -of vegetable cream. There were leaves and stalks, but no flower, and -what precisely the former were good for except to feed the cow, neither -Patrick nor myself could exactly tell. He had a very vague idea of the -cause of the difficulty, and all that the books seemed to suggest was a -return to that most useful nourishment, the liquid fertilizer.</p> - -<p>Our kitchen sink having been exhausted on the strawberries, this had to -be manufactured from the refuse of the chicken coop. It was not a -refined idea to pour such a filthy compound over so absorbent a -substance—in fact, over any substance that was to be eaten—and the -necessity of success alone forced me to it. But the plants were -themselves evidently disgusted with such treatment, and only<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_178" id="page_178"></a>{178}</span> spread out -their leaves like umbrellas to shield themselves from the offensive -showers. We had a few heads, or what passed for heads; but they were -leafy and rather tough—quite different from the white full heads sold -in market—and we fancied tasted of their nourishment.</p> - -<p>There seemed to be a spell on the garden; whatever we wanted failed, and -had to be purchased in the village, and whatever was useless grew -magnificently. One of our cucumbers measured two feet in length by one -in circumference, and took the prize—a certificate merely—at the -county fair; but, generally, our success was not in exact accordance -with our taste. This, of course, was due to my unfortunate absence early -in the season. It never does to leave such important matters to -unlettered ignorance. How Adam ever made out to earn his bread in early -days, without the aid of “Ten Acres Enough,” and “Bridgeman’s -Assistant,” is a puzzle. Science is our only salvation, and it was a -matter of congratulation that I returned in time to apply it to the -flower garden, if I was somewhat late for the coarser vegetables.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_179" id="page_179"></a>{179}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIII" id="CHAPTER_XIII"></a>CHAPTER XIII.<br /><br /> -<small>SCIENCE.</small></h2> - -<p class="nind"><span class="letra">I</span> HAD a high appreciation of the superiority of learning in cultivating -the earth. Beside the dazzling statements of the brilliant writers on -agriculture, the humdrum notions of the plodding workers were little -less than disgusting. What is the few bushels of potatoes which an acre -yields under common management when compared with the hundreds of -barrels which it should give by scientific appliances? Under such -manipulation the compost heap becomes a mountain of wealth, and morass a -mine of gold. Of course, I discussed these points with Weeville, and -impressed upon him frequently the great value of science. Inspired by -this feeling, it is not surprising that none of my failures had in the -least disheartened me. I was still a firm believer in high art, and -studied out every new suggestion that could be made applicable to the -restricted area of five acres. I had read all the latest books on the -farm, the garden, trees, vegetables, plants, berries, fruits,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_180" id="page_180"></a>{180}</span> and every -thing whatever which the earth produced for the service of man, except -what pertained to the mineral kingdom. No sooner would a seed-store -issue a new catalogue than I had it, and devoured the contents for the -purpose of discovering novelties; I corresponded with distant florists -for whatever they produced as a specialty, or to obtain their -descriptive catalogue, and I really began to feel as though I were a man -of science myself.</p> - -<p>My particular attention had been given to the flowers. This department -had been under my charge from the commencement, Patrick confining his -exertions to the supply of edibles. I had run through the general list -of flowers, had purchased all the hardy bedding sorts which could be -obtained ready to be set out, and had at last succeeded in compelling -them to grow in spite of their vigorous opposition. I had conquered -asters, columbine, anagallis, Jacobœa, snap-dragon, phlox, foxglove, -Canterbury bells, hyacinths, tulips, crocuses, balsams, Callirrhoe, -coreopsis, pansies, poppies, lobelias, sweet peas, garden rockets, -larkspurs, verbenas, zinnias, and many more of the common varieties, -besides innumerable shrubs; but, not content with these, my attention -was turned to another world, a higher one to overcome, and deeper -science to be applied.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_181" id="page_181"></a>{181}</span></p> - -<p>This awakening came through a very full and complete catalogue and list -of seeds and plants published by a firm strongly indorsed by the ablest -periodical on farming in the country, and which I believe in next to the -prayer-book. Of course, this approval was sufficient to entitle to -implicit confidence what the seedsmen might say, and I fairly devoured -the glowing descriptions of new plants that this work—for it contained -some one hundred and fifty pages—presented. I made quite a large -selection of seeds, and among them ordered a double quantity of a -strange plant described in the following enthusiastic manner:</p> - -<div class="blockquot"><p>DATURA (<span class="smcap">Trumpet-flower</span>), Nat. Ord. <i>Solanaceæ</i>.—An ornamental -class of plants, many of which possess attractions of the highest -order, and are not nearly so extensively cultivated as they ought -to be. In large clumps or borders of shrubbery they produce an -excellent effect. The roots may be preserved in sand through the -winter in a dry cellar. <i>Half-hardy perennials.</i></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Datura Wrightii</span> (<i>Meteloides</i>).—A splendid variety, with -bell-shaped flowers eight inches long, white bordered with lilac, -and sweet scented; continues in bloom from July to November; -beautiful beyond description; from Asia.</p></div> - -<p>Here was a magnificent future—a perennial, with flowers eight inches -long, “beautiful beyond description.” To be sure, I was a little -troubled about the name. I could not make up my mind positively<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_182" id="page_182"></a>{182}</span> whether -it was “Datura” or “Meteloides.” They were both good names, however, and -that, in science, is half the battle. Still, accuracy is a weakness of -mine, and it was unpleasant to call these new seeds half the time -Datura, and the other half Meteloides. But I felt that, under either -appellation, they were invaluable, and I carefully concealed the -possession of the new treasure, that I might at last have a satisfactory -triumph over Weeville, who, with his practical and most incomprehensibly -successful mode of gardening, was quite a thorn in my scientific side. -The papers inclosing the purchase contained minute directions for its -cultivation, and I followed these most exactly, resolved that there -should be no failure this time, if the strictest attention could prevent -it. I supervised the preparation of the hot-bed personally; I saw that -the material was properly turned over and worked, and the mould -carefully prepared; and two distinct sowings were made, so that in case -any untoward accident happened to one, the other might succeed.</p> - -<p>Anxiously I waited the issue, and my exultation may be imagined when -both came up. Datura, even in its earliest stages, exhibited its -aristocratic extraction. There is usually some little difficulty in -distinguishing a youthful weed from a plant by its mere<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_183" id="page_183"></a>{183}</span> appearance; but -Meteloides was peculiarly elegant and graceful. The first leaves were -not two coarse lobes, but long, slender, delicate, and refined spears of -a pale green color, supported by a tall, spare stalk. They gathered -strength slowly, and, under assiduous care, frequent watering, and -careful shading from the sun, became robust, and finally put forth the -permanent foliage. There were a good many of them; in fact, they took up -a considerable share of my hot-bed, and they soon began to grow large -and strong, till I could hardly wait for the warm weather to transplant -them into the garden. This change was also effected with the utmost -precaution, dull or rainy days being selected; and so determined was I -to oversee every step myself, that a slight rheumatism remains to remind -me of the circumstance.</p> - -<p>However, my labors were rewarded, and, once established in the garden, -the Daturas began to grow vigorously. If they occupied considerable room -in the hot-bed, they demanded still more in the open air, and the -assurance of a wonderful abundance was no longer questionable, the only -doubt remaining as to whether there would be place for the other -inhabitants. Still, it was apparent that flowers “eight inches long, of -white bordered with lilac, and sweet scented,” could hardly be -surpassed, and that it was<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_184" id="page_184"></a>{184}</span> impossible to have too many of a plant which -was “beautiful beyond description,” and the roots of which could “be -preserved in sand through the winter,” and secure a succession of -loveliness for years to come. As the foliage expanded and the branches -spread, the difference between this plant and the others, its neighbors, -became more and more apparent. It was certainly remarkable, and, the -ground having been doubly enriched to receive it, it grew amazingly.</p> - -<p>Precisely at what point in its existence doubts about Meteloides arose -in my mind, I can not say; and, although they were pooh-poohed and -discarded at first, they pressed themselves upon me, and forced me to -notice a very strange and unpleasant resemblance. These suspicions grew -stronger as the Daturas grew larger, and when the latter began to -overshadow all the other flowers, the former became painfully -oppressive. I began to suspect that my new purchase was not all right, -and awaited anxiously the appearance of those flowers “eight inches -long.” To be sure, it was an immense reassurance to recall the words of -the catalogue, and to read over the indorsement of the seedsmen in the -well-known agricultural paper, which was most severe on humbugs; and I -felt that my doubts were so unworthy that I was careful<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_185" id="page_185"></a>{185}</span> never to -mention them, but awaited patiently the <i>dénouement</i>. Unfortunately, at -this precise moment of suspense, Weeville called to see me; and although -I endeavored to distract his attention—for his way was always so -painfully abrupt—and tried to beguile him with the seductions of the -mint-bed, one of his first questions was,</p> - -<p>“Well, how goes on the garden? Have you discovered any new way of -growing beans wrong end up, or inducing potatoes to produce a dozen -sprouts to every eye?”</p> - -<p>I replied that my garden was getting along very well; and when he -insisted upon a personal inspection, that he might get a lesson or two -in science, as he expressed it, I did my best to lead him to the -vegetable department. But the attempt was vain. He spied my strange -flowers at once, and hastened directly toward a Datura with an -expression of countenance that was far from reassuring.</p> - -<p>“What on earth have you got there?” he burst forth, before he was near -the plant, so that I, skillfully pretending to misunderstand him, and -assuming that his question applied to a shrub near by, replied,</p> - -<p>“Oh, that is a spiræa. A handsome one, is it not? Growing finely; it -will soon cover the entire path.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_186" id="page_186"></a>{186}</span>”</p> - -<p>“I don’t mean that—”</p> - -<p>“By the way,” I inquired, interrupting him, “have you any egg-plants to -spare? Ours are not as successful as they ought to be.”</p> - -<p>“Yes, yes; plenty. But I want to know why you have filled your garden—”</p> - -<p>“Walk this way, if you please,” I again broke in. “There’s a remarkably -pretty double Jacobœa that I should like to show you.”</p> - -<p>“In a minute; but tell me first—”</p> - -<p>“And our Lima beans, they are really remarkable; and such carrots and -turnips, to say nothing of many other excellent vegetables.”</p> - -<p>I was becoming a little incoherent, and not sticking to the absolute and -naked truth, for Weeville was not to be moved. He stopped resolutely -before a wonderful specimen of Datura, and said positively,</p> - -<p>“Before I go any where else, I want to know what you call that?”</p> - -<p>“Oh, that,” I replied, with affected indifference, “that is a Datura.”</p> - -<p>As he broke into unpleasantly convulsive laughter, I added, hastily,</p> - -<p>“I mean to say Meteloides.” As he still appeared unconvinced and -somewhat choked with merriment, I further explained: “Datura Wrightii -Meteloides;<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_187" id="page_187"></a>{187}</span> a plant which ought to be more extensively cultivated; -bears flowers eight inches long, white bordered with lilac, sweet -scented, beautiful beyond description.”</p> - -<p>“Beautiful!” he shouted; “sweet scented! Why, that is a stink-weed. If -you don’t believe me, just touch it.”</p> - -<p>It was. I am sorry to confess the fact, but my fears and suspicions were -confirmed. I had succeeded in producing about a hundred stink-weeds. -There is one disadvantage about science, which consists in the -difficulty of understanding it. Datura and Meteloides are so little like -stink-weed that the common mind could hardly connect the two together, -although the latter have sweet-scented flowers eight inches long. -Moreover, I had supposed that stramonium was the learned name, but it -would appear that science had altered that. It was a good deal of -trouble to get rid of those Daturas. I could not touch them, for by -either name they smelt equally, although not absolutely sweet. It was -out of the question to pull them up, and almost as difficult to cut them -down. During the operation of their removal they gave forth an odor -which seemed to me quite a satisfactory reason why they were not more -“extensively cultivated,” and which rivaled the best<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_188" id="page_188"></a>{188}</span> efforts of the -American civet, an animal vulgarly known by a more plebeian name. When -they were finally eradicated the garden looked quite bare, and a fresh -application had to be made to the florists for bedding plants to fill up -the vacancies. I still believe in science, but seedsmen should be more -full in their descriptions or more careful in their selections; -certainly stink-weeds are not very desirable flowers, even under the -romantic name Datura or Meteloides.</p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_188_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_188_sml.jpg" width="250" height="252" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_189" id="page_189"></a>{189}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIV" id="CHAPTER_XIV"></a>CHAPTER XIV.<br /><br /> -<small>A SECOND DIGRESSION—FAIRY TALES FOR LITTLE FOLKS.</small></h2> - -<p class="nind"><span class="letra">M</span>Y five acres at Flushing were located on the top of a hill called -Monkey Hill; why so called I can not imagine, for there was never a -monkey seen there since the earliest recollection of the first -inhabitant; nor could it have been from the want of monkeys, as that is -so common a deficiency on Long Island. To be sure, there is a settlement -of Irish on one declivity near the salt meadow; but even supposing that, -by a stretch of the imagination, Irishmen can be converted into monkeys, -that is of comparatively modern date, whereas our Dutch ancestry named -the hill generations back. Nevertheless, the hill is Monkey Hill, and -the settlement is Monkey Town.</p> - -<p>I wander through Monkey Town occasionally, admire the originality of its -Celtic architecture, puzzling myself over the buildings to find out -which are pig-pens and which are houses—for the pig-pens are<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_190" id="page_190"></a>{190}</span> so like -houses, and the houses are so like pig-pens, that it is hard to tell -them apart—and enter into conversation with my fellow-citizens of Irish -extraction. I am very affable. I pat the girls on their towy heads, and -praise the boys for stout young lads, in the vague hope that the parents -may not tear down my fences, nor let their children rob my future -apple-trees or steal my pumpkins.</p> - -<p>During one of my visits I was much attracted by an old crone who wore -spectacles. Spectacles are not unbecoming to some people; they lend an -air of maturity to youth, and even improve an elderly lady reading her -Bible; but worn permanently by a very wrinkled old woman, with a very -long nose and very sharp chin, they have a bewitching effect that, in -Massachusetts, would insure the culprit’s early decease at the stake. I -made immediate advances to that spectacled female, whose age might have -been any where from a hundred and fifty to three hundred, in the firm -conviction that her conversation would be interesting and improving; nor -was I mistaken, for the intimacy engendered by a few visits induced her -to confide in me the following story relative to a small, round, muddy -pond, that has neither outlet or inlet, but which is always full, or -nearly so, of water, and which lies across the main road over<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_191" id="page_191"></a>{191}</span> against -my premises. I can not give the old crone’s language, nor could she -probably give the real language of the parties in action, for it was -undoubtedly Dutch; nor can I convey an idea of her halting, though -impressive manner; but the story, having come direct through the -broomstick fraternity, is doubtless true in every particular, and may be -entitled</p> - -<h3> -LIVE-GEESE FEATHERS.<br /> -</h3> - -<p>On the sloping bank near that little pond there dwelt, ages ago, an old -man and his wife. The situation was pleasant, and would have been -handsome—for the trees were more numerous then than now—if the edge of -the bank had been covered with its natural sod; but the trampling of -geese and ducks had long ago worn away the vegetation to the bare earth. -The water was not over clear, and the scum that here and there floated -about, innoxious as it might be to the feathered tribes, was not -agreeable to the human eye. In fact, the pond would have been -unceremoniously termed a duck-pond, although it was mainly appropriated -to geese. Yes, the old man and his wife made their daily bread by -raising geese. Not only did the old fellow count upon the sale of the -goose for food, but several times a year did he pluck the feathers; and -on a large sign, in<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_192" id="page_192"></a>{192}</span> whitish though somewhat weather-worn letters, he -had inscribed “<span class="smcap">Live-Geese Feathers</span>.”</p> - -<p>The truth must be told, as it always should, and old Marrott had for -twenty years, four times a year, cruelly plucked their feathers from the -living geese. With the most unfeeling barbarity, he put them to awful -tortures, tearing from their reeking bodies the natural covering—and -all that he and his wife might not starve. How diabolical must have been -the wretch! Little did he heed the poor creatures when their cries, -plainly as words, begged and implored mercy; little did he pause when, -finding remonstrance vain, they made violent struggles to escape, and -flapped their wings, and dashed themselves about; little remorse did his -merciless heart experience provided the feathers were numerous and of -good quality; and if two or three died from the torture and exposure, -what did he care, provided he could sell their remains for food. Was it -not a wonder that he had been permitted to carry on his inhuman practice -so long? But his punishment came at last.</p> - -<p>Among his flock was one, aged and venerable, that he had owned from the -very beginning, and which had been plucked upward of eighty times. In -his earlier days that gander had struggled, and cried,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_193" id="page_193"></a>{193}</span> and besought -like the others, but in time he had come to passive endurance, although -there was a peculiar fire in his eye, that, if Marrott had noticed, -would have quickened even his dull sense. He had been a noble-looking -bird—the lord of the flock—but age and ill usage had worn him away to -a huge gaunt skeleton. His body was in many places bare, the feathers -had been plucked so often; his proud step had fallen away to an awkward -shuffle, and, but for the gleam of his eye, no one would have dreamed he -had once been a king of birds, so sorry was his plight. The plucking -season had almost come round again, and already the geese—for long -experience had accustomed them to the time—began to tremble in their -feathers; already they had serious thoughts of rebellion or flight, and -their loud cackling whenever their master appeared very clearly evinced -their terror.</p> - -<p>One night Mother Marrott had gone to the market with a number of eggs to -sell, and had left the old man alone. She was not to be back till next -day—for it was a long journey to the city in those times, before -railroads were invented, and when the traveler had no horse—and, as her -husband sat in the evening by the faint, flickering light of the tallow -candle, the most painful apprehensions took possession of<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_194" id="page_194"></a>{194}</span> what must be -called his mind. Strange ghost and goose like sounds passed round and -round the old house. Ever and anon from the poultry-yard came curious -low noises, as of suppressed conversational cackling, and the wind -sighed with a hissing sound, while his shadow fell in all sorts of odd -and uncouth shapes upon the wall, as little like himself and much like a -goose as could be. In fact, it seemed as though there was the dim -outline of a goose trying to conceal itself in his shadow. He was afraid -to look at it fairly, but he could see from the corner of his eye that -it was something uncommon. There was but one refuge—bed; he hastened to -undress, but his clothes had never before made such objection to being -taken off. He was afraid to pull his shirt over his head—he was -confident it would catch round his throat—so he left it on. Amid his -trepidation he resolved to keep the light burning; but, just as he went -to snuff it, an audible hiss resounded from the chimney corner, and in -an instant he snuffed it out. Then he leaped into bed, and hid his head -below the bedclothes, glad of the refuge.</p> - -<p>There he lay still, while his heart beat so loud that it seemed to shake -the room. The unusual noises increased even above its beating, and still -more ominous sounds were heard. The windows rattled, the<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_195" id="page_195"></a>{195}</span> door creaked, -the fire crackled, the wind whistled. Horror on horrors! the door -opened! unquestionably it swung open, and the cold night air rushed in. -For a moment afterward all was silent, then pat, pat, pat went little -feet across the floor. Yes, above the rattling and the creaking could -his sharpened senses detect the unearthly tread of those little -feet—pat, pat, pat. They seemed now to pause before the fire. Pat, pat, -pat, they walk to the window. Then pat, pat, pat, they approached the -bed. Old Marrott shivered, but it was not with cold this time; old -Marrott shrank down, but it was not to avoid the night air.</p> - -<p>He hoped he would escape observation; but no; there was a rustle, and -something rested on the bed. The old man’s breath came thick and fast. -Suddenly the covers were dragged from off him, and as he sprang up to a -sitting posture a fearful sight met his eyes. There, upon the foot of -the bed, stood the old gander, with one end of the bedclothes in his -mouth. There he stood, grim and silent, and now the old man saw but too -plainly the revengeful glow of his piercing eye. Around and behind him -were feathers—millions of feathers—the same that had been plucked from -him during his long life. They had all arrived for that night of -vengeance. Some had<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_196" id="page_196"></a>{196}</span> come from ladies’ beds and some from lawyers’ -desks, some from lovers’ hands and some from gluttons’ teeth. There they -were floating to and fro in the air, and awaiting the orders of their -parent, the gander.</p> - -<p>The gander looked sternly at the trembling culprit, who clasped his -hands and tried to think of a prayer; but his prayers had been forgotten -long ago. Then it stretched out its neck till its head was close to his, -and it uttered a low hiss. That hiss had the sound of a human voice. But -what was the old man’s dread and fright when the goose drew back and -commenced to speak as follows:</p> - -<p>“For this many and many a year,” he said, and his voice had plainly a -foreign accent, “I have lived within your power. I have endured all the -cruelties your malice could inflict. What excuse have you to offer?”</p> - -<p>The old man’s teeth chattered so that he could scarcely reply, while a -fresh-sharpened pen from a merchant’s hand started forward and enforced -the question with a deep thrust.</p> - -<p>“Oh! oh!” screamed poor Marrott, his wits on the stretch; “I only did it -to get my living.”</p> - -<p>“What! Hard-hearted man! could you not have stripped us after death, -instead of torturing us while<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_197" id="page_197"></a>{197}</span> alive?” and then three quills fell upon -him, and came away dyed in his blood.</p> - -<p>“Oh, mercy! I could not obtain enough feathers that way,” replied -Marrott, scarcely conscious of what he was saying.</p> - -<p>“Was it avarice, then? Is that your explanation? Do you imagine that an -excuse which rather aggravates your crime?” and a dozen feathers -enforced the gander’s words, amid the cries of the miserable victim.</p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_197_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_197_sml.jpg" width="328" height="335" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_198" id="page_198"></a>{198}</span></p> - -<p>“Every one does the same!” he shrieked in his agony.</p> - -<p>“If every one else is cruel, is that a reason you should be? Ought you -not rather to have drawn a better moral from their vicious example?” and -again the plumes plunged into his flesh, for he was but little protected -against such an attack.</p> - -<p>“Oh, murder! murder! The feathers of dead geese are not worth as much as -those of live,” he cried out, the torture getting the better of his -prudence.</p> - -<p>This answer was too unfeeling for the gander and his followers to -endure. They dashed, one and all, upon the old man, who leaped from the -bed and took to flight. They followed, and now, when they plunged into -his body, the feathers remained sticking there. They pursued him round -the yard, while he fought with his arms, and cried, and begged, much as -the geese had flapped, and fluttered, and cackled before. The rest of -the flock joined in the hunt, and bit the flesh from his bare legs, and -beat him with their wings, till the old man sank in a swoon. Then they -spread their wings, and soared far, far out of sight.</p> - -<p>Next day, when Dame Marrott returned, what was her astonishment to find -the house-door open, and to see her husband’s clothes scattered about -upon the<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_199" id="page_199"></a>{199}</span> floor, while he was nowhere to be found. She called, but there -was no answer. The place seemed unusually silent, and there was no noise -from the fowls. She went to the poultry-yard; no geese were to be seen. -She called them, as if to be fed; they did not come. She began to -search, and then she found one poor goose stretched upon the ground, -bloody and half dead. What did it mean? She took him up and carried him -in, to revive him by the fire. Little did she dream that she bore her -husband in her arms. She rubbed and caressed him till he came to -himself, and then, for the first, did the old man know what had befallen -him. He was changed to a gander; he tried to speak—a loud hiss alone -issued from his mouth. He tried to gesticulate—he could only flap his -wings. He walked hastily up and down; he pulled at the dame’s frock, who -was now busied with other things, and he thrust his bill in her lap, -till she, alarmed at such proceedings, drove him from the house. How -miserable was now his lot! how sorely he repented of his past -wickedness! He approached other geese of the neighbors, but they either -fled from him, or fell upon and beat him. He was compelled to remain -solitary and miserable, with no one to whom he could confide his -sorrows.</p> - -<p>But the worst was to come. His wife, after wondering<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_200" id="page_200"></a>{200}</span> what had become of -her husband, concluded that “he was such an old goose he had got drowned -in the creek;” and, as it was plucking-time, and she had nothing else to -divert her mind, she determined to pluck the only one of the flock -remaining. Oh, what dreadful torments did the poor gander endure, and -from the hands of her he loved! How he shrieked! how he struggled! What -agonizing efforts he made to speak, but in vain! The old woman, only too -well accustomed to her business, held him fast, and tore out feather -after feather; and, although she thought more blood than usual flowed -from the wounds, she did not worry herself about that. It was now his -turn to endure those tortures he had so often inflicted—tortures -tenfold increased from the greater tenderness of his flesh. When the -task was finished, he lay bleeding, and agonized, and scarce able to -move. He waddled slowly down to the pond, and the cool water assuaged -his wounds. But what was his dread, and his wife’s delight, when he saw -his feathers growing again with astounding rapidity! In two weeks they -were quite large, and in two more he was in condition to pluck again. -What a life was before him, to be doomed every month to excruciating -sufferings, and that from one who was mourning for her husband at every -pang she gave him.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_201" id="page_201"></a>{201}</span></p> - -<p>But the dame grew rich. In her one goose she had an exhaustless -treasure. He cost little to keep, and the more she plucked, the more -there was for next month. She built a new house, and then, forgetting -her husband, ideas of a fresh marriage suggested themselves to her. -There was a young man soon found to marry her for her wealth, and what -was her old husband’s misery to think that his torments purchased her a -new bridegroom! But this husband was a worthless fellow, much given to -drink, and, in a fit of intoxication, he killed the old goose, from -which all their luxuries flowed. Poverty came upon them, and, ere long, -the dame had no feathers to sell, and was forced to dispose of her house -and her land, pond included, and to take down the sign of</p> - -<h3> -“LIVE-GEESE FEATHERS.”<br /> -</h3> - -<p>Whether this story is positively and literally true, I can not say of my -own knowledge, not having been born till one or more centuries after it -is supposed to have happened; but there are many pieces of corroborative -evidence that go to maintain its entire accordance with fact. Whether -the geese really spoke is to be doubted, and the conversation may have -been merely a dream—the effect of a bad supper on a worse -conscience—but that they flew away can not<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_202" id="page_202"></a>{202}</span> be questioned, for the pond -is there, and I have visited it often, and never saw a goose near it. It -is well known that feathers are plucked from the living geese, and, as -the sign is no longer up, it is fair to presume it must have been taken -down. So, with the foundation of the pond, which still exists, to start -upon, and with the absence of the sign and the admitted probability of -the geese, we have a strong case without the positive assertion of my -informant, who insisted she had been there, and whom I shrewdly -suspected to be Dame Marrott herself, converted by glamourie from a -Dutch vrow into an Irish crone. As this legend lends a double charm and -greatly-enhanced value to the property in the neighborhood of the pond, -the interests of my five acres and their owner could not permit it to be -lost.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_203" id="page_203"></a>{203}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XV" id="CHAPTER_XV"></a>CHAPTER XV.<br /><br /> -<small>NUISANCES, INHUMAN AND HUMAN.—PETS—THE CHARM OF COUNTRY LIFE.</small></h2> - -<p class="nind"><span class="letra">“M</span>USQUITOES! You’ll never be troubled with them. You may be surprised to -hear it, but musquitoes at Flushing never come into the house. They will -often be plenty outside, but they disappear the moment your foot touches -the piazza. Another strange thing about them is, that they may be -abundant in the grass, and, as you walk through, may rise up in -thousands, but they seem to be frightened at man, and fly away at once -without waiting to bite. It is my opinion they get some other kind of -food, and are too well supplied to overcome the instinctive animal -repugnance to a human being.”</p> - -<p>Thus remarked Weeville, in his usual enthusiastic way over every thing -that “lives, moves, or has its being” in or about Flushing, and no one -who heard him could doubt for a moment his firm conviction in the entire -accuracy of his statements. Historic truth,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_204" id="page_204"></a>{204}</span> however, compels me to -admit that his views were not entirely borne out by experience; for, -although Flushing musquitoes have amiable tempers for musquitoes, they -do occasionally bite.</p> - -<p>But if the musquitoes are not bad in this delectable spot, another -torment exists, which, in spite of learned arguments proving its utility -to man, is certainly trying—flies are occasionally abundant. Now it may -be that flies are great scavengers, and save us from epidemics, and -noxious smells, and dangerous vapors, and that their presence is a sure -indication of a healthy locality; but in the early morning, when one is -in bed, enjoying that most enjoyable season for sleep—the forbidden -hours between sunrise and eight o’clock—two or three hundred flies -buzzing about, alighting on one’s face, crawling into one’s nostrils, -tickling every inch of exposed skin, are aggravating enough. In saying -two or three hundred, I do not wish to be understood as positively -confining myself to that number for the reputation of the place and the -salability of my five acres of lots. I wish to avoid exaggerating, and -there may have been two or three thousand.</p> - -<p>After they had routed me out of bed at an hour when there was nothing -whatever to do—for the daily papers can not be obtained in Flushing -before<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_205" id="page_205"></a>{205}</span></p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_205_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_205_sml.jpg" width="183" height="303" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p class="nind">half past seven o’clock—they pursued me all day long. They crawled into -the cream, they scalded themselves to death in my coffee, they clambered -over the butter, dragging their greasy legs heavily and slowly; they -planted themselves on my paper if I tried to write; they filled up my -inkstand and clogged the ink; they scratched in my hair, selecting the -tenderest and least thickly covered spots, and always returning to them -after being frightened away; and when, exhausted with loss of rest and -worn out with<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_206" id="page_206"></a>{206}</span> their attacks, I endeavored to take a nap, they fell upon -me and banished sleep from my eyes.</p> - -<p>“Flies!” said Weeville, when he heard of my miseries; “why do you not -kill them off? I used to be troubled with them, but I bought some of the -gray fly-paper—Berensohn’s lightning-killer—and soon brought matters -to an issue. The very first day we killed forty or fifty, and the girl -swept them up in the kitchen by tea-cups full: the supply was not equal -to the demand, and I have not been waked by a fly since. What a comfort -it is to sleep through the morning in peace, and not a single buzz!”</p> - -<p>Before night I had the famous death-dealer, and, according to -directions, set it out in saucers, covered with a little water, and -watched complacently, and with somewhat of an about-to-be-gratified -revengeful feeling in my breast, for the result. I waited and waited; -the flies buzzed, and crawled, and tickled, but not one went near the -fatal saucer; in every part of the room were they except in that spot. -They crawled up and down the walls, they perched on the ceiling, they -committed suicide in the water-pitcher, they collected in masses on the -crumbs lying about, and chased one another around in playful and amatory -mood, but touch that saucer they did not. I moved it from place to -place, and set it near where<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_207" id="page_207"></a>{207}</span> they were thickest, but they only flew -hurriedly away with louder buzz, as much as to say, “Get out with your -old fly-killer.” In a rage, I caught some and threw them into the -poisoned chalice, but they whisked out again with a shake of their -wings, and went off as diabolically busy and buzzy as ever. I poured out -some of the water, fearing the attraction was too much diluted; then, -finding that that did not answer, I added an extra quantity, but the -result was the same. The only part of the room entirely free from flies -was the neighborhood of the fly-paper. I was in despair till a happy -thought struck me: taking two of the sheets, which are conveniently -stuck together at the edges, I laid them over my face and composed -myself to sleep. The effect was magical. Not a fly came near me, and my -nap was deliciously unbroken.</p> - -<p>Next day, Weeville, on hearing my account, abused me because I had not -put some sugar in the water; but, as sugar was not mentioned in the -direction, it is hardly to be expected a person would divine its -necessity. With that addition, the paper afterward killed flies enough; -but, unfortunately, the sugar attracted ten where the poison killed one, -and recourse was finally had to nets, which kept the breeze and the -flies out together.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_208" id="page_208"></a>{208}</span></p> - -<p>I have said that Patrick, among his other acquisitions for our second -year’s operations, had obtained two pups and two kittens. This was with -a view to the extermination of the rats and mice that ate our oats and -danced nocturnal jigs in the partitions and ceilings of the house. As -Patrick explained it, he wanted the dogs to catch the rats, and the cats -to catch the mice, which was certainly a fair division of labor; but the -former evidently considered that they were merely designed to carry into -practice one link in the story of the “House that Jack Built,” and -devoted their time mainly to worrying the latter. Whether the pups would -have caught rats or the kittens mice is hard to tell, as they were -altogether too busy worrying or being worried to devote much attention -to the chase, and many was the battle waged between the belligerents. -The entire science of strategy could be learned from studying the -conduct of this feline and canine war, and I have always believed that -Grant and Lee had both gone to the cats and dogs to acquire their -knowledge. Felis, being the weaker, retires behind her intrenchment of -boxes or chairs, and takes advantage of the natural defenses of corners -and holes, while canis, being driven to the attack, exhausts his -ingenuity in endeavoring to turn his opponent’s flank, or to inveigle -her from her intrenchments.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_209" id="page_209"></a>{209}</span> I called my dogs Gran and Sher (it seemed -almost sacrilegious to copy the names literally), and the cats Lee and -John.</p> - -<p>Gran was a bull-dog, although not of quite pure blood, and my conscience -troubled me somewhat on that score; but his grip was most tenacious, and -no punishment could make him “sing out;” while Sher was a full-blooded -Scotch terrier, as ugly as possible, but a sly little fellow, great on -unexpected attacks, and dodging in on exposed places. Apart from his -permanent battle with the kittens, and a most inveterate dislike to boys -and beggars, Gran was the gentlest of dogs. He would beg for his dinner, -and would howl out his affection if asked whether he loved his master -and simultaneously offered a piece of sugar, of which he was -extravagantly fond. His countenance was expressive of the strongest -devotion, and his curly tail had a kindly wag for all his acquaintances. -But let a dirty boy appear—and Flushing abounds with this nuisance—or -let a beggar attempt to enter the front gate, and Gran went into a -paroxysm of rage; his hair bristled up, his tail straightened and became -twice its natural thickness, and his eyes glared with the wildest fury. -If the offending party carried a bag, his fate was sealed, and many was -the time that I had to rush out and<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_210" id="page_210"></a>{210}</span> interpose to save some tramp from -the fate of the gentleman mentioned in Scripture, whose flesh was eaten -by dogs. On these occasions Sher was true to himself; and while Gran -rushed headlong on the enemy, he would suddenly bounce out from under a -bush, or slip round through the fence, and make a diversion in the rear. -My dogs were soon a terror to the neighborhood, and a much more -effectual protection than patting the children on their heads. To be -sure, there were a few drawbacks to set off these advantages. It was -difficult to keep any work-people round the place; and I had to pay for -a pair of pantaloons that my painter left principally in Gran’s mouth -ere he could escape up his ladder when a sudden attack caught him -unprepared.</p> - -<p>There was but one matter in which the kittens and pups all four agreed, -and that was to steal whatever they had the slightest fancy for. Milk -was the weakness of the kittens, and, provided they could discover any -unguarded pan, a truce was declared, and friend and foe united in -foraging upon their master. On such occasions they were content to drink -together from the same dish in the most amicable way, although the -moment the feast was exhausted the cats fled to their intrenchments, -without so much as cleaning their whiskers, and hostilities were -renewed. The<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_211" id="page_211"></a>{211}</span> pups preferred meat, and great was the genius exhibited by -Sher in obtaining it surreptitiously. He would pretend he was asleep, -waiting till the cook’s back was turned; or he would ostentatiously go -out of the door, and then, slipping back, hide and watch his -opportunity. When he obtained it he always divided with Gran, and a bone -would occasionally alternate half a dozen times between them ere it was -exhausted.</p> - -<p>Their playful moods were their most destructive; digging holes was one -of their chief pastimes. Why they dug holes I never could imagine; they -neither buried nor discovered any hidden treasure; but they worked away -with a zeal and patience that would have been most praiseworthy if -properly applied. Some of my favorite “herbaceous” plants, as Bridgeman -calls them, were rooted up, and my grass-plot—one which I had laid out -in a beautiful oval beneath our solitary cedar, and had planted with the -most delicate lawn-grass—was fairly honeycombed with burrows. At first -I filled these holes and restored my plants, but the pups only seemed to -regard this as a challenge to their industry, and immediately proceeded -to dig them up again; so I was compelled to let them have their way, -although it gave rather a strange appearance to the place, and left an -impression that a family of prairie-dogs resided there.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_212" id="page_212"></a>{212}</span></p> - -<p>The pups were particularly fond of roaming round the flower garden. When -the seeds had pushed their delicate sprouts above ground, I used to walk -through the neatly-boxed paths, and admire the thriving way in which -every thing was growing. The pups invariably watched for such occasions, -and rushed toward me in an apparent burst of affection, bounding up and -down over the beds, and dancing with delight on my frailest seedlings. -If I took no notice of them, they seized one another by the ears, and, -thus coupled, rushed about, sweeping away the flowers in their course; -if I scolded them, Sher slipped into the nearest bush, and, lying down -in the centre, watched my actions with a wary eye, while Gran, on the -other hand, came directly to me, and, seating himself on a bed, looked -me honestly and affectionately in the face, while his wagging tail swept -away the sprouting plants by dozens.</p> - -<p>Sher was particularly fond of a gilia; its delicate leaves seemed to -please him both as a bed and a hiding-place, and he soon rolled the life -out of it; if I charged upon him, he fled, taking refuge in some other -bushy plant; and when I did catch him, he would not walk, but insisted -upon being dragged in a most destructive manner from off the bed. If I -took hold of Gran he retained his sitting posture,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_213" id="page_213"></a>{213}</span> which was almost -equally injurious. I soon found my only plan was to match my cunning -against theirs, and, the moment they appeared, to rush out of the -garden, calling them “good dogs,” which was a falsehood of the blackest -dye, and pretending I was ready for a romp. By this means they would be -induced to follow me with great hilarity, and occasionally forget to go -back; but I lost much of my enjoyment of the garden.</p> - -<p>When not busy with the flowers, they devoted themselves to the -vegetables; Gran was delighted with hunting “hop-toads,” as children -call them, and as these abounded in our five acres, and were -particularly fond of hiding in the water-melon patch, he hunted it over -and over again, fairly plowing it up with his nose, crushing the vines, -tearing the leaves to pieces, and breaking off the fruit. If he had -killed the toads his proceedings might have come to an end with the -exhaustion of the game; but he was too tender-hearted for this, and only -pushed them with his nose to make them jump. He pursued this exciting -sport till the water-melons were almost ruined, while Sher devoted -himself mainly to hiding under the okras or among the carrots, and -darting out at any passers-by in a playful mood. In the course of his -strategic movements he broke down most of the<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_214" id="page_214"></a>{214}</span> brittle okras, and -trampled rows of string-beans into the earth.</p> - -<p>They had seen Patrick chase the chickens from the garden, and, having -constituted themselves his adjutants, proceeded to keep the sacred -precincts clear of these unholy intruders. Never would a wandering -pullet or youthful rooster step within the fatal bounds but the two dogs -would dart out with loud yelps, and would frequently follow her or him, -naturally bewildered, and not knowing which way to escape, several times -round the garden, over the beds and through the vegetables, doing more -harm in five minutes than an entire brood of chickens would do in a -month. It was in vain that we endeavored to explain to them that zeal -was dangerous; and their manner of self-congratulation, and of demanding -approval when they had finally succeeded in ejecting the trespasser, -disarmed blame or correction.</p> - -<p>There was one idiosyncrasy in Patrick’s mind—he never could punish an -animal. If the pups destroyed an entire bed, or broke down a dozen -plants, he would only utter an exclamation or two of horror and -reproach, and then add, apologetically, “Ah! the poor bastes do not know -any better.” This threw the duty of correction upon my shoulders, and I -never was a subscriber to that horrible doctrine that<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_215" id="page_215"></a>{215}</span> punishment must -not be inflicted in anger. There is something fiendish in a person -nursing up his wrath, and then, with deliberate cruelty, venting it upon -child or pet who has been trembling for hours with dread anticipation. -When the pups had dug up some favorite and expensive plant, or crushed -my only plantation of some pet seed, and when I was naturally in a -towering rage, I could fall upon them and drive them howling to some -secret place of safety; but when, after an hour’s delay had dissipated -my passion, Gran would approach with deprecating wag and loving smile, -and Sher, following more cautiously, would lick his hairy chops in a -contrite way, it went against my very nature to beat them. Therefore, -although the pups met with some cuffs, and occasionally received the -blow of a well-directed stone, they were not punished with absolute -regularity, had it a good deal their own way with the place and its -surroundings, and inflicted no little damage upon the growing crops.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_216" id="page_216"></a>{216}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVI" id="CHAPTER_XVI"></a>CHAPTER XVI.<br /><br /> -<small>BUTTER-MAKING.—SEEDS AND THE DEVIL.</small></h2> - -<p class="nind"><span class="letra">T</span>HERE is one advantage about the country that gives it a great -superiority over the town. In it you have every thing so fresh—fresh -vegetables, fresh milk, fresh eggs, fresh poultry, and fresh butter. You -always feel sure that nothing is old or stale. We had not yet tried -making butter, but the other articles we had enjoyed in their pristine -excellence, although some ignorant visitors from the city pretended that -all of those which were sold in the Flushing stores were brought from -the New York markets. I had been accustomed to buying butter in the -village, but the Flushing farmers do not seem to have the knack of -making fresh butter. My purchases had not been altogether satisfactory, -and occasionally I obtained a rancid conglomeration of fatty matter that -was far from inviting. When more than ordinarily disgusted, I had -brought a supply home from Fulton Market, where it was to be had both -better and cheaper; but as my friends, who met<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_217" id="page_217"></a>{217}</span> me in the cars, -invariably inquired what I had in my tin kettle, and wanted to know -whether I had gone out for a day’s work and taken my dinner-pail along, -I grew ashamed, and determined thereafter to make my own butter.</p> - -<p>To say that I was utterly unacquainted with butter-making was simply to -admit that I had been born and reared in the city; and, except for some -early reminiscences of an enthusiastic youth passing his summer amid -rural pleasures, and helping the tired and rosy-cheeked dairy-maid, 1 -knew nothing whatever on the subject, and did not even know in what -scientific work to look for the needful instruction, as nothing -satisfactory was to be found in “Bridgeman” or “Ten Acres Enough.” A -churn was to be used, that was clear; but whether the milk was churned -or the cream, or how long it required, or what other mysteries were -involved, I could not tell.</p> - -<p>The first necessity, therefore, was to have a churn, and to obtain this -I stopped in at one of the numerous stores in and near Fulton Street, -where agricultural implements are sold. I inquired falteringly if they -had churns for sale, not being certain that these came under that -designation, and a good deal confused at the mass of curious implements -and wonderful pieces of mechanism which were scattered about.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_218" id="page_218"></a>{218}</span></p> - -<p>“Certainly,” said the polite clerk; “we might say that we have the only -churn, properly so called, for it alone does the work as it should be -done. You probably know,” he continued, as he led the way up stairs -toward the fourth story, “the scientific principles which govern the -rapid production of butter. The oxygen of the air is brought in -immediate contact with the oleaginous particles of the milk, the lactic -acid is developed, the curd and whey are separated, and the butter is -crystallized, so to speak. Here,” he said at last, when we had reached -the highest floor, and, after conducting me between a hundred strange -and complex machines, stopped before one that more nearly resembled a -modern ice-cream freezer than any thing else, with the addition of a -crank and a few extra cog-wheels, “here is the Patent Duplex Elliptic -Milk Converter, the only true and perfect churn. You pour the milk -in”—[ah! thought I to myself, it is the milk that is churned, after -all]—“you turn this handle; by a simple arrangement of multiplying -cogs, the dasher is revolved at great speed, the air is distributed -through every part of the mass, and brought in contact with every -molecule composing it. The lactic acid is generated—but I need not -explain further to one who evidently understands the subject so -thoroughly as yourself.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_219" id="page_219"></a>{219}</span>”</p> - -<p>“Is there no danger of the machine’s getting out of order?” I inquired -mildly, not, however, disclaiming the compliment, and much impressed by -this display of thorough scientific attainment on the part of my -informant.</p> - -<p>“None whatever. Observe the dasher.”</p> - -<p>With that he jerked off the cover and lifted out the part referred to.</p> - -<p>“It is armed with flanges, which revolve between the projecting knives, -or plates, fastened to the sides of the tub. They thoroughly agitate the -milk, which is thrown from one to the other, and never allowed to rest. -The effects are truly wonderful. The exertion is the minimum; the -results are the maximum. No more sour cream; no more rancid butter. A -child can produce a pound of butter from a quart of milk in the short -space of a minute and a half.”</p> - -<p>By this time, between the revolving of the wheels and the man’s -incomprehensible conversation, I was in a dazed state, and may not -remember accurately his statements. I was only clear on one point, and -that was that the Duplex Elliptic Milk Converter, although evidently the -perfection of science, was too grand for my wants.</p> - -<p>“Have you nothing simpler?” I inquired, faintly.</p> - -<p>“Nothing can be simpler,” was the decided response;<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_220" id="page_220"></a>{220}</span> “here you have a -crank; there, a few iron wheels; inside, the dasher. The price is -moderate; one that would do the work of a dairy would be only fifty -dollars. That amount could be saved in a summer.”</p> - -<p>“I should like to inquire farther,” I hastily answered; and, hurrying -down stairs, in spite of remarks about acids and oxygen, nitrogen, -caseine, and a dozen other scientific compounds, I escaped from the -store. There is always a dreadful feeling of shame connected with not -purchasing when one enters a store and asks for an article. It seems as -though you were getting credit and making a display on false pretenses. -The manner of the attendant suggests a doubt of your honesty, and any -little compliments he may have paid you are manifestly taken back at -once, and contempt usurps the place of esteem.</p> - -<p>After pausing to recover my breath and my courage, I entered the nearest -place of a similar character and made the same inquiry.</p> - -<p>“Yes, sir; we have a churn of a most approved and successful -description. There,” he continued, as the clerk brought me face to face -with a still stranger-looking machine, more like the walking-beam of a -steam-engine than my early recollections of a<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_221" id="page_221"></a>{221}</span> churn, “there you have -simplicity itself. In it you go back to first principles. You wind up a -spring—”</p> - -<p>“A spring!” I exclaimed.</p> - -<p>“Undoubtedly. No one thinks of using manual power in these times. The -dashers are secured to each end of this bar, and as one rises while the -other falls, there is no loss from the attraction of gravitation. We -call this the Hippo-opticon.”</p> - -<p>“The Hippo-opticon, did you say?” I inquired, wonderingly.</p> - -<p>“Yes; the name is derived from two Greek words, <i>hippo</i>, a horse, and -<i>opticon</i>, sight; because it has the strength of a horse and the eye of -intelligence. It works without care or superintendence. When once -started it runs of itself. The cream—”</p> - -<p>“The cream!” I muttered to myself, having supposed that I had just -discovered that milk was churned.</p> - -<p>“The cream is placed in these two receptacles; the dashers fall -regularly and slowly.”</p> - -<p>“Slowly!” I exclaimed, still more surprised, remembering the praises I -had heard of excessive speed.</p> - -<p>“Churning must be done slowly; that is the best established law. There -must be deliberation and regularity.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_222" id="page_222"></a>{222}</span>”</p> - -<p>“What is your opinion,” I inquired, “of the Patent Duplex Elliptic Milk -Converter?”</p> - -<p>“Then you have seen that worthless contrivance! It could not have -deceived an experienced farmer like yourself. Why, that whirligig is the -most utterly useless affair conceivable. It is forever out of order; the -flanges bend, the cogs break. Whatever you do, don’t buy that. In ours -you have primitive simplicity and perfect security.”</p> - -<p>At this point a brilliant idea entered my mind, and, taking my departure -without even waiting to ask the price of this wonderful invention, I -hurried back to the first store. Thrusting my head in at the door, and -not daring to advance farther lest I should be overwhelmed by a second -avalanche of learned terms, I inquired of the smiling clerk, who -evidently saw the certainty of a customer in my return, what he thought -of the Hippo-opticon.</p> - -<p>“The Hippo-opticon!” he laughed; “that old fogy concern that winds up -with a spring? My opinion simply is that it will never make butter at -all. It never has yet, and it never will. They could not humbug a -gentleman of your discernment with that attempt to return to the -antiquated days of our forefathers. The Patent Duplex—”</p> - -<p>“Thank you!” I shouted, as I slammed to the<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_223" id="page_223"></a>{223}</span> door, and fled without -waiting to hear farther. The selection of a churn was evidently an -intricate matter. It was a practical affair, in which intellectual -research would not help me, and recourse must be had to Weeville. As -soon as I returned to the country I sent for him, and inquired which was -the proper churn to use, and what was the proper thing to put in it.</p> - -<p>“Well,” he said, deliberately, “the art of making butter is yet in its -infancy; the principles that control it are not fully understood. Great -cleanliness is a prime requisite; the dairy must be well ventilated; -electricity is very injurious. In Switzerland they do not allow women to -take part in any of the operations, even in milking the cows, on account -of their possessing more electricity than men.”</p> - -<p>“Oh!” I broke forth in despair, “I give it up; it is altogether too -complicated a matter—”</p> - -<p>“Nonsense,” said Weeville, suddenly recovering himself; “the -old-fashioned ordinary churn is the best; I will send you one. You must -use cream, and there is no difficulty so long as proper regard is paid -to cleanliness.”</p> - -<p>With that he left me. His suggestions about electricity were alarming. I -had often felt the electrical power of the female sex. I had received -many<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_224" id="page_224"></a>{224}</span> dangerous shocks from them; the touch even of their hands had -often produced palpitations and electrical phenomena of the strangest -kind. There could be no anticipating what might be the result if the -cream was affected by their presence. While I was hesitating what to do, -I suddenly thought of Patrick. There was nothing electrical about him. -He might be dirty—his hands and face usually were—but there was no -other danger. He was called at once, and told to milk the cow himself in -future, and be sure to wash his hands and face first; to which -directions he gave a surprised assent, wondering, no doubt, at the -sudden interest his master evinced in his personal appearance. I took -charge of the dairy myself, to exclude all possibility of electrical -phenomena, and skimmed the cream carefully. Cushy had been falling off -lately for some incomprehensible reason, having done so well for -eighteen months; and when, at the end of a week, the churn arrived, it -seemed ludicrously large for the small bowlful of cream that had been -collected—not much more than a pint in all. Patrick, when I called upon -him to wash his hands and set to work, burst forth with the astonished -inquiry,</p> - -<p>“Sure yer honor does not want me to churn that little speck ov crame in -this big tub. It would get lost intirely.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_225" id="page_225"></a>{225}</span>”</p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_225_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_225_sml.jpg" width="350" height="327" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p>“But, Patrick,” I replied, “this cream must be churned at once.” This -conclusion was not any deduction of science, although it was announced -in an authoritative tone, intended to impress Patrick with my vast -experience and thorough knowledge of the subject. To state how I arrived -at my opinion, it is sufficient to say that my nose assured me of it. -The weather was warm, and the dairy was merely a closet in the cellar, -springs and brooks not being numerous in my territory.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_226" id="page_226"></a>{226}</span></p> - -<p>“Well, then, yer honor, let me make a nate little churn out ov a -ginger-pot there is in the cellar, with the lid ov a salt-box for -dasher, and the piece ov a broom for handle. That will be the doin’ ov -it.”</p> - -<p>“Just as you please, Patrick,” I answered, entirely convinced of the -inadequacy of the cream to the occasion; “only be sure and make me a -good article.”</p> - -<p>“Indade and I will do that same, and I’m sure yer honor will be mightily -plased. Let me aloon for that.”</p> - -<p>Shortly after, Patrick produced a queer-looking extemporized churn that, -although odd enough in appearance, was manifestly better adapted to the -emergency than the enormous affair that Weeville had sent me, apparently -supposing that I was about to set up a public dairy. I expected a friend -to dinner that day, and gave especial directions that the results of the -churning were to come on the table as a surprise to my guest.</p> - -<p>When the dinner was served, I was delighted with the whiteness of the -fresh butter, that spoke so well for its purity. Without saying a word, -I helped my friend liberally, and then awaited the result. How I -enjoyed, by anticipation, his enjoyment of so rare a delicacy! I could -scarcely wait for him to taste it before explaining how it was obtained. -He looked<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_227" id="page_227"></a>{227}</span> at it curiously, then spread some on his bread and tried it, -then ate the bread without. Hastily taking a piece and tasting it, I no -longer wondered at his conduct, but, turning to the maid, sternly -demanded how she dare put such stuff on the table.</p> - -<p>“Oh, never mind,” said my friend; “these things will happen in the -country, where you do not have any markets to go to. I often taste bad -butter when I am out of town, although not often so bad as this; but I -can do without very well.”</p> - -<p>When dinner was over, I visited my man, and inquired of him, rather -reproachfully than angrily,</p> - -<p>“Patrick, what was that you made? Was it cheese, or was it butter? It -was very bad as either; but which was it?”</p> - -<p>“Sure, yer honor,” he replied, scratching his head, “I don’t rightly -know meself; but the crame was spoilt intirely, and I did the best I -could.”</p> - -<p>“Patrick,” I answered, “I am afraid you are electrical, after all.”</p> - -<p>This attempt was but a sort of interlude, and I kept my mind mainly on -the various productions of the earth.</p> - -<p>“Weeville,” I said one day, in early fall, when the first cold snap had -thrown a tinge of brown over much of my garden, “how do you manage to -collect the flower-seeds for use next spring?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_228" id="page_228"></a>{228}</span>”</p> - -<p>“Why, my dear boy,” he replied, gayly, “that is easy enough: dry them a -little, put them in bags labeled, and set them aside in a dry place, -where the mice can not get at them to make a daily meal at your -expense.”</p> - -<p>“I do not refer to that part; the books on gardening speak of that, but -they give no directions for gathering the seed. I have studied -Bridgeman, Rand, and the rest of them, but they nowhere tell you when or -how to collect the seed.”</p> - -<p>“My dear fellow, you surely would not expect Bridgeman to tell you how -to save seeds; that is his occupation, and a pretty fool he would be to -let out all the secrets of his trade.”</p> - -<p>“Then he had no business to write on gardening,” I added, earnestly; for -I have an immense idea of duty, and a high standard for the obligations -of authorship; “a man who publishes a book, and retains any knowledge on -the subject of which he treats for his own purposes, is a scoundrel and -a cheat; he is false—”</p> - -<p>“Now, now,” interrupted Weeville, soothingly, “don’t get on your high -horse; remember human nature. A pretty notion it would have been if -Bridgeman had enabled all his customers to do without him, and perhaps -set up in the seed-business themselves.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_229" id="page_229"></a>{229}</span>”</p> - -<p>“I can only say, then, that he had no right to take upon himself the -honors of authorship; there is no justification for his assuming the -place of instructor when he was merely a self-seeker. His book, then, is -simply an advertisement.”</p> - -<p>“Call it what you please, but do not get excited. Borrow his catalogues, -which contain much useful information, and for which he charges nothing, -but do not abuse a hard-working man, striving to get ahead in the -world.”</p> - -<p>“Very well, then. To come back to my difficulties—I want to know when I -am to gather the seeds; they only ripen in small quantities, and, if -left, are scattered and lost.”</p> - -<p>“Oh, you must watch your chance; stick to it; ‘here a little, and there -a little;’ do not be impatient.”</p> - -<p>“The pods of phlox burst the moment they turn yellow, and, ere I notice -them among the mass of those still green, they have spilled their -contents; the gilia are so small that I can not find them at all; the -mignonnette really does not seem to bear seed; and the capsules of the -portulaca have to be picked one at a time, and are so low that it almost -breaks my back to bend down to them. How is it that you manage?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_230" id="page_230"></a>{230}</span>”</p> - -<p>“I never have any trouble; I go through my garden daily.”</p> - -<p>“To come to a point—what do you do about the phlox?”</p> - -<p>“You must be on the alert, and save all you can.”</p> - -<p>“Now, Weeville,” I said, sternly, for he was in the act of buttoning up -his coat to go, as though the discussion were over, “I do not believe -you know any thing about it.”</p> - -<p>“What—what—what’s that you say?”</p> - -<p>“I do not believe you are any better acquainted with the right mode of -gathering seeds than I am.”</p> - -<p>“Well,” he replied, as he went out of the door, with a pleasant smile, -“the fact is, I do generally get a new supply every year from Thorburn.”</p> - -<p>Before I had fully recovered from my surprise at this discovery, and -when I was remembering how, every year, the oldest farmers and gardeners -were to be seen running into the seed-stores to buy what they should -have saved if they had known how, Patrick thrust his head in at the -door.</p> - -<p>“Can I spake to yer honor a moment?”</p> - -<p>“Certainly, Patrick.”</p> - -<p>“And is it thrue, what Mr. Weeville says, that the devil’s been seen on -the earth?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_231" id="page_231"></a>{231}</span>”</p> - -<p>“It is so alleged in the papers,” I replied, “and you know whatever is -stated there must be true.”</p> - -<p>“Yes, yer honor,” he answered, evidently referring in his own mind to a -temporary connection of mine with that palladium of freedom. “And sure,” -he continued, as he approached cautiously, “and what is he like?”</p> - -<p>“He is described as being forty feet high, spitting fire from his mouth -and nostrils, and with huge horns over his eyes.”</p> - -<p>“That’s awful intirely; but there’s prophecies in the Good Book that he -should be let loose on the earth, but I didn’t think it was to be quite -yet. Was it far from here that he was?”</p> - -<p>“Yes, more than a thousand miles.”</p> - -<p>“Sure and that’s pleasant, for it ain’t likely he’ll get this far.”</p> - -<p>“That is not so certain,” I replied, to lead him on. “He has a habit of -going up and down on the earth.”</p> - -<p>“But it would take him a long time to travel that distance.”</p> - -<p>“The devil, if it really was he, could go a thousand miles in an -instant.”</p> - -<p>“Could he, now? Well, I suppose he don’t go by rail, more especially -like the one that runs from<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_232" id="page_232"></a>{232}</span> New York to Flushing. Perhaps he travels on -the telegraph wires, that, they say, takes a letter along so fast you -can’t see it. Well, well, if he comes this way, all I have to say is, -he’ll get great gatherins in Flushing.”</p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_232_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_232_sml.jpg" width="245" height="244" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_233" id="page_233"></a>{233}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVII" id="CHAPTER_XVII"></a>CHAPTER XVII.<br /><br /> -<small>SUCCESS OF THE YEAR.</small></h2> - -<p class="nind"><span class="letra">T</span>HE agricultural books all tell us that, at the close of the season, we -should look back and review the work that we have accomplished, -comparing it with previous results, or studying where improvements could -be effected. Our second year was certainly a great advance upon the -first, as the former might be said to have been rather a case for what -the merchants call profit and loss—all loss and no profit, so far as -actual production is concerned. The previous attempt had resulted in -raising absolutely nothing, whereas our subsequent one had raised a -great deal; we had much to show for it, although not always exactly what -we wanted. There was ample room for improvement, and there were abundant -errors manifestly requiring correction. We did not need an acre of -onions, that was perfectly clear, as the servants could consume but a -limited quantity, which fell off rapidly when they were told they could<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_234" id="page_234"></a>{234}</span> -have all they wanted, and the residue did not seem to have a positive -market value, Patrick vainly offering them at any price to every -market-man in Flushing; so it was evident that we should not require as -many the ensuing season.</p> - -<p>Onions are rather a pretty vegetable, and grateful for the least care. -They grow readily; in fact, like the would-be “butcher boy,” they are -bound to do it. They come up so well that they come clear up above -ground in their effort, and show their luscious yellow or white bulbs -above the surface. When these first began to swell I proceeded to earth -them over, fearing lest their nakedness should expose them to injury; -but, as the plot devoted to their service was rather large, and Patrick -utterly refused to assist me, being invariably too busy whenever I -called upon him to help cover the onions, and insisting that “they -didn’t nade it at all, at all, and that it was ruinin’ them I was -intirely,” I finally abandoned the attempt. It was some time ere my -fears for the result were removed, and the discovery made that onions -could take care of themselves. It is a pity egg-plants do not grow as -obstinately as onions; they do not, however, nor do most other good -things.</p> - -<p>Peas are a profitable crop—that is, if they are not dwarfs, or do not -go to leaf, as ours did; and there<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_235" id="page_235"></a>{235}</span> are many different kinds—so many -that the novice in gardening is somewhat puzzled to choose. Fortunately, -by Weeville’s advice, we had made an excellent selection, and by -changing the acre of onions into an acre of Daniel O’Rourkes we might -possibly have enough for the family. As I have mentioned before, the -O’Rourkes are not profuse bearers; it may be called a rather lucky -chance if they bear any thing but leaf, and consequently it is not in a -monetary sense that they are profitable; the benefit they confer is in -enabling one to crow over one’s city visitors. The dwarfs are not -desirable. They constituted our principal stock, and, useful as they -might be in the penance line, as edibles they compare unfavorably with -pebbles.</p> - -<p>We had an immense quantity of beets, and had experimented in divers ways -of cooking them. We had them boiled, baked, stuffed, and roasted, hot, -cold, pickled in vinegar, and even fried, but through it all they were -“dead beets.” I had serious ideas of trying to extract sugar from them; -but when Patrick informed me that Dandy Jim approved of their flavor, I -gave them over to his care. Our pole-beans, which are good for pork and -beans—if any Christian eats that dish and lives—were also extremely -successful. The Limas bore a few pods, but that was after we <span class="pagenum"><a name="page_236" id="page_236"></a>{236}</span>returned -to the city; Patrick, however, said they were excellent. Our spinach was -so abundant that I should have turned Cushy into it if I could have -restricted her attentions to that alone. The cucumbers were very -numerous, our cabbages innumerable, and our cauliflowers nowhere.</p> - -<p>It was clear that this must be changed. The Limas must be made to -emulate the pole-beans, the spinach, beets, and onions must be kept down -to proper limits, the cucumbers and cabbages must be eliminated, and the -cauliflowers encouraged. How to effect these changes, however, was not -entirely clear to my mind.</p> - -<p>Our corn grew remarkably well. Fresh sweet corn is a dish of which I am -particularly fond; it is luscious, healthful, and appetizing; it -contains much milk—the human being’s natural nourishment; it is -excellent boiled or roasted on the cob, stewed in milk, or mixed with -beans into succotash; even corn juice is good occasionally—but that -requires age. Patrick had planted a goodly lot of it. I watched the -stalks rise and the broad leaves spread out with infinite pleasure. The -ears formed with their long silky tops, and swelled, as they reached -maturity, like a budding maiden. It was with great anticipations that we -awaited our first meal of new corn. This was admirably cooked, and came -on the table smoking<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_237" id="page_237"></a>{237}</span> hot, each cob enveloped in its steaming green -cuticle, but somehow the taste did not prove so agreeable as we had -expected. Thinking that it might be too young, I told Patrick not to -pick any more for a day or two. The next trial was even more -unsatisfactory—it had absolutely no flavor whatever. Feeling there must -be something wrong, with sinking heart I cross-questioned Patrick, and -discovered that he did not know there was any difference between sweet -corn and the common kind, and had planted a quantity of that which he -was using for the horses. I never ascertained what became of it, but we -did not try it again on the table.</p> - -<p>Our asparagus was gone without redemption. The few spears that struggled -up into existence reached a partial state of forwardness; but -association with Patrick’s planting of turnips appeared to disgust them, -and they lay down and died with hardly an effort. Our trees succeeded -excellently; they were unusually large, and had cost an extra price, as -the nurseryman, when I bought them, assured me that they would bear -fruit the first year. They stood the blasts of winter bravely. In spring -they put out their leaves, and even burst into occasional flower, but -they did not go so far as bearing fruit. They appeared to have some -misunderstanding of the principal<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_238" id="page_238"></a>{238}</span> object of their existence, and did -not come up to the promise made for them on their purchase, and by them -afterward. As shade-trees they did not amount to much, and even as -ornaments they were rather thin; but as fruit-bearers they were a total -failure.</p> - -<p>Our strawberries had rather surpassed expectation. The first lot, it is -true, had died out, but those planted in the spring seemed to feel -called upon to redeem the good name of the race. They grew admirably, -and not only covered themselves with blossoms, but actually bore -fruit—not very luxuriantly, but much more abundantly than I had any -reason to anticipate. We had quite a bowlful of them—the red, firm, -ripe berries being a delicious contrast to the soft, faded, stale things -that are sold to us in the city. When these were picked, the vines were -still covered with green fruit, and I expected to have many a dessert -from them. I am a great admirer of strawberries—and so are chickens—in -spite of the crisp little seeds that somewhat injure them. They have -just the proper amount of acidity to render them piquant when compounded -with sufficient sugar. Raspberries are too sweet, and blackberries have -not sufficient delicacy of flavor, so that I prefer strawberries. But, -unfortunately, as I remarked above, so do chickens.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_239" id="page_239"></a>{239}</span></p> - -<p>After our first taste I visited the garden hopefully every morning, but -was much surprised to find none of the green berries become ripe. They -disappeared gradually, and I was greatly at a loss to understand the -reason. I knew that Gran was fond of strawberries, but he was an honest -dog. You might trust him with untold strawberries, and he would not -touch one without permission. He might howl for them until he would -drive his master crazy, but, although his howlings were ineffectual, he -would not steal. Sher was less trustworthy, but he did not like the acid -berries. The pigs could not get out, nor Cushy get in; so that the -diminution was a mystery to me, until, happening to rise one morning -quite early, I discovered our entire flock of chickens busy in the -strawberry-patch, and, driving them out, I noticed the remains of -several fine ripe berries. This explained the difficulty. There was no -place where we could cage the chickens; in fact, as the berries were -mostly consumed, to do so would be rather late, and I had nothing for it -but to see my favorite fruit “grow small by degrees and beautifully -less,” amid the early “clucks” of delight that thereafter suggestively -broke in upon my morning slumbers, until the entire plot was bare.</p> - -<p>From this adventure two deductions were to be<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_240" id="page_240"></a>{240}</span> drawn: one, that I must -plant more of these energetic vines; the other, that I must build a -chicken-coop. The latter would cost heavily, probably more than many -years’ supply of both berries and chickens; and, to save the expense of -applying to the nurseries for the former, I must encourage our own vines -to run and propagate. To effect this, when July drew toward a close, and -they put out suckers in every direction, I pinned these down with small -forked sticks, so as to compel them to take root. This was an original -idea of my own, of which I was particularly proud. Weeville ridiculed -it, saying that there would be young plants enough without that trouble; -but I determined to help Nature—which the doctors have lately -ascertained is the true principle in encouraging human plants to grow -and discouraging them from dying. The work kept me quite busy, for it -was astounding how many runners started off and how fast they ran. They -took root finely, and soon made the entire patch a mass of flourishing -plants. They grew and grew, and interlaced and twined round one another, -and, unfortunately, the weeds grew with them, till, when I undertook to -transplant them in the fall, I could not tell the old plants from the -young. This was rather unlucky; for, unless the old stools, as they are -called,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_241" id="page_241"></a>{241}</span> were preserved, there would be but a slim crop the following -year. Nevertheless, I tried in vain to distinguish the parents from -their healthy children, and at last had to direct Patrick to dig out as -many as he wanted indiscriminately, and then to cut paths through the -residue at regular intervals, regardless of what might be in the way. -The next year will show the result, for which I was prepared to wait -with due patience.</p> - -<p>The second season of my life in the country having closed, and the new -year, with relaxation from agricultural pursuits, being upon us, I -proceeded to make up my annual exhibit of the result. The investments of -my previous year had not turned out well; the asparagus and strawberries -failed utterly, and my garden had been a virgin soil when it was -attacked in the spring. But this season there was every reason to be -satisfied with the result; the productions, although not exactly such as -a gourmand would prefer, were abundant; the flowers had been a grand -success, some of them far surpassing the wildest anticipations; and the -vegetables did no discredit to the soil, although they did not reflect -much honor on Patrick’s judgment. The fact had been clearly established -that there was only needed the eye and mind of the master to produce a -highly<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_242" id="page_242"></a>{242}</span> creditable result. It could not be questioned that a place which -would grow such wonderful pumpkins, and such vast expanse of onion, and -such early and abundant squashes, would also, if properly managed, be as -fertile of egg-plants, cauliflowers, and the other higher classes of -vegetables. There was no probability of my again visiting the Old World, -and I should be able to devote undivided attention to my horticultural -pursuits.</p> - -<p>As with the previous year, it is not an easy matter to make out the -accounts satisfactorily; there were items that were of questionable -relationship toward investment or yearly expenditure; there were kinds -of profit difficult of estimation, and, as usual, there were sundry -matters altogether forgotten. If there is any one point more important -than another in recording the experiences of an individual in any -pursuit, when these experiences are to be the guide of others, it is -absolute exactness in figures and calculations. I have, therefore, been -exceedingly careful, and devoted much consideration to every item ere it -was inserted, and I flatter myself that the following statement may be -relied upon confidently:<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_243" id="page_243"></a>{243}</span></p> - -<p> -INVESTMENT ACCOUNT.—DEBIT.<br /> -<br /> -Cost of premises $15,000<br /> -Three hundred loads of fertilizer 180<br /> -Strawberry plants 3<br /> -New teeth 50<br /> -Dandy Jim 450<br /> -<span style="margin-left: 24em;">———-</span><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Total $15,683</span><br /> -<br /> -INVESTMENT ACCOUNT.—CREDIT.<br /> -<br /> -Value of premises $16,000<br /> -Dandy Jim 50<br /> -New teeth 100<br /> -Strawberry bed 50<br /> -<span style="margin-left: 24em;">———-</span><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Total $16,200</span><br /> -<br /> -YEARLY EXPENSES.—DEBIT.<br /> -<br /> -Asparagus $ 6 00<br /> -Seeds 10 50<br /> -Subscription to Skating-pond 10 00<br /> -Damage to wagon 50 00<br /> -<span style="margin-left: 24em;">———-</span><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Total $ 76 50</span><br /> -<br /> -YEARLY RECEIPTS.—CREDIT.<br /> -<br /> -One quart of strawberries $ 50<br /> -One hundred bushels (estimated) of onions 50 00<br /> -Ten egg-plants 2 50<br /> -One peck Daniel O’Rourke peas 2 00<br /> -One thousand squashes 100 00<br /> -Five hundred cucumbers 20 00<br /> -One hundred pumpkins 25 00<br /> -Five cauliflowers 2 50<br /> -Fifty bushels of tomatoes 25 00<br /> -Beets, beans, turnips, etc. 50 00<br /> -<span style="margin-left: 24em;">———-</span><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Total $277 50</span><br /> -</p> - -<p>There are some items in the foregoing accounts that require explanation. -The manure was included<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_244" id="page_244"></a>{244}</span> in permanent capital, because it went into the -ground, became incorporated with it, and added just so much additional -value to it. The strawberries, having now proved successful, ceased to -be a current expense, but entered into the total cost. The new teeth -referred to are not for the rakes, as might be supposed, but for myself. -Having heretofore mentioned some of Dandy Jim’s peculiarities, I omitted -an explanation of our last association and final separation. I was not -fond of driving the gallant steed—so gallant that he usually danced -twenty feet to one side, and stood on his hind legs whenever he saw the -dress of a woman—but I was occasionally forced to make use of his -services. The train happening to give out, and being pressed to attend -to some business in town, I had him harnessed, and, with some -misgivings, commenced my journey toward the city. By great care and -discretion, I managed to make my way through the village, which he -cleared at full run, in consequence of a sudden whistle from a -locomotive attached to a dirt train; over the bridge, where he shied -from one side to the other, grazing both the wheels against the heavy -plank balustrade; along Jackson’s Avenue, where he bounced up and down -on passing every market-wagon or hay-cart; on board the ferry-boat, to -which he was only constrained by<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_245" id="page_245"></a>{245}</span> violent abuse and the physical -strength of several of the hands of the boat, and where he amused -himself by pawing steadily, and occasionally backing on the horse -directly behind, and thus causing much excitement, bad temper, and -coarse language during the entire trip; and fairly on the stone -pavements of the city streets.</p> - -<p>By this time I had lost all fear, having resigned myself to perfect -recklessness, like the man who, after being exposed a thousand times to -death, no longer dreads it; and I drove up Thirty-fourth Street, across -the tunnel at Fourth Avenue, and into Fifth Avenue, as though there was -no such thing as peril in my path. Down our fashionable thoroughfare I -proceeded, assuming rather a jaunty and professional air; I squared my -elbows, held my whip in my hand, taking great care not to touch Dandy -Jim, however, and looked round at the foot-passengers, as much as to -say, “I am not afraid to drive this wild animal; I do it every day.” -Unfortunately for the triumph of my assumptions, there was a piece of -paper lying directly in our path.</p> - -<p>Now Dandy Jim has an objection to paper, why I never could discover; but -paper, white or brown, newspaper or blank paper, leaves or letters, is -to him a thing of horror—his very soul revolts at it. It certainly<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_246" id="page_246"></a>{246}</span> -never could have done him any injury—it is, except as a vehicle of -slander, so perfectly harmless—but he seemed to hold it in abject -terror. This idiosyncracy was well known to me, but, unfortunately, my -mind was so occupied with the effect I was producing that I did not -notice the exciting cause. To aggravate the difficulty, just as we -approached the objectionable article, and when my peculiar animal might -have consented to pass by with a reasonable amount of self-restraint, a -sudden gust blew it directly under his feet. If paper was his -detestation, moving paper was a monstrosity magnified fifty fold; he -reared up on his hind legs, made one bound sideways full thirty feet, -and then, stopping suddenly, slipped on the pavement, and fell flat on -his side.</p> - -<p>Exactly what happened to me I never could determine. I seemed to be -flying; next I beheld a splendid coruscation of fire-works; and then I -awoke to find myself stretched at full length in the street, with a -bloody nose and a scarcity of front teeth. Dandy Jim regained his feet -more quickly than myself, ran away, smashed the wagon, as was his wont, -and wound up by getting shut in by stages and carts, when he was -ignominiously led away captive by a stalwart policeman. I gathered -myself up as well as I could, and went home in a dilapidated<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_247" id="page_247"></a>{247}</span> state. -This led to my selling Dandy Jim and buying a set of false front teeth; -the former brought precisely what it cost to pay for the latter.</p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_247_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_247_sml.jpg" width="344" height="334" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p>Thus it was that I overcame a prejudice that had long beset me against -the artificial productions of manufacturing dentistry. This objection -exists in the minds of many persons, although nothing can be more -unfounded. If there is any thing that is an utterly miserable failure, -it is the natural set of teeth.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_248" id="page_248"></a>{248}</span> From almost the hour when we come into -the world, until the time when we quit it, or so long as a stump or root -remains, our teeth are a source of annoyance to us. They have to be cut, -and then pulled out, that they may “cut and come again.” As babies, we -are “never ourselves” for the cutting of our teeth; when we grow older -we wish we were any body else, from the misery they cause us. They ache, -and decay, and break; they come out when they should stay in, and stay -in when they should come out; they torture and torment us till we only -get rid of them with life itself.</p> - -<p>On the other hand, the artificial teeth never pain the possessor, rarely -break, and, if broken, are easily replaced; are readily cleaned, do not -fall out, but can be removed at pleasure. They are infinitely handsomer -than their ugly, irregular, uneven, discolored, and dirty prototypes. -These exquisite productions of art are made of a delicate, pearly shade -of white; they form a perfect row of well-proportioned beauty, -undistinguishable from the genuine article, their very gums matching and -closely fitting the natural flesh beneath them; they never inflict a -torturing tooth-ache, driving man crazy with pain, and keeping him -sleepless the long, dreary nights; they require no filling—an operation -that the unfortunate<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_249" id="page_249"></a>{249}</span> possessor of living teeth dreads only less than -the rack itself; and they do not have to be pulled out, with an agony -comparable to the effect of drawing the entire brain out through the -hole at the roots.</p> - -<p>From my experience before and since my accident, I should certainly -advise my fellow-creatures to have as little to do with real teeth as -possible, and to substitute the imitation as soon as they can. There may -be a certain amount of suffering in having teeth, and especially sound -ones, extracted, but the satisfaction of being finally rid of the -troublesome things more than pays for the temporary annoyance. A natural -set will become dirty in spite of endless scrubbing with the -tooth-brush; some are invariably longer than others; there are -projections and depressions; wherever they lap, tartar settles; inside -it is impossible to get at them at all, and they compel a half-yearly -interview with the dentist, from which one comes away greatly unnerved. -Their substitutes are a great improvement to one’s personal appearance, -and never cause the slightest inconvenience, besides saving hours in -cleaning, that, in a long life, amount to an aggregate of years. The new -teeth were so far superior to those that they replaced, that they are -valued on the credit side of the account at a hundred dollars, showing a -clear profit of one hundred<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_250" id="page_250"></a>{250}</span> per cent. In fact, I regard this discovery -as one of the most valuable, if not the very most valuable, of the -results of my country experience.</p> - -<p>The premises are set down at an increase of one thousand dollars, and, -if my readers had seen the difference between a bare tract of land and a -garden blooming with beauty, odorous with fragrance, and smiling with -abundance, they would have felt that the improvement was stated at too -low a rate. The strawberries are also put at a large advance upon the -prime cost; but a thriving bed of this excellent fruit, bidding fair to -supply the wants of the entire household, to gratify friends, and to -supply the place of costlier desserts, was well worth a round sum of -money. It certainly cost me much care and anxiety; it had failed once, -and threatened at first to give out the second time, but finally had -proved an absolute success, and was already becoming the parent of other -plantations.</p> - -<p>Among the items of yearly expense will be found included a charge for -entrance-fee to the skating-pond. This may at first seem to be more of a -luxury than an actual necessity, but, as it was clear that I should not -have incurred it if I had not been in Flushing, I put it down. My yearly -receipts do not represent so much income actually received, for, as has -been stated<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_251" id="page_251"></a>{251}</span> previously, there did not appear to be a market for garden -produce in Flushing, but are given as the amount I should have had to -pay if I had bought the various articles at retail prices. This is -clearly proper; for, if we had wanted them to eat, had purchased them at -the stalls, and had paid the current charges, there would have been just -so much additional outlay; that we did not eat them is no answer, for we -could have done so had we wished.</p> - -<p>This exhibit was certainly entirely satisfactory; the account had -steadily improved, and bade fair soon to show a large income. I have -even gone so far as to leave out of question rent saved, dissipation at -Saratoga avoided, health improved, digestion invigorated, pure air -enjoyed, and a thousand other matters for which we pay so dearly; I -merely take the hard, dry figures—the positive profit and loss in -dollars and cents—and they give a clear net profit of nearly eight -hundred dollars. Nothing could be asked more promising than this; if it -went on improving at this rate, there was no telling where it would -stop. Farming had evidently proved itself a source of vast wealth. We -were nowhere near the limit of the productiveness of my five acres, and, -with additional attention, we might reasonably anticipate increased -returns. The result was so encouraging, the life at<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_252" id="page_252"></a>{252}</span> Flushing so -charming, the access to the city so easy, that I resolved to move there -permanently. There was much to be done besides sleigh-riding and -skating, even in the winter months; roots had to be stored from frost, -bulbs required attention, potatoes and turnips demanded care, -chicken-coops had to be built, forcing-frames dug, and a green-house -erected. Taking all these things into consideration, I resolved to -abandon the city, and, in spite of frozen ground, deep snows, piercing -winds, and muddy roads, to devote myself to agricultural pursuits.</p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_252_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_252_sml.jpg" width="243" height="227" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_253" id="page_253"></a>{253}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVIII" id="CHAPTER_XVIII"></a>CHAPTER XVIII.<br /><br /> -<small>PREPARATIONS FOR REMOVAL.</small></h2> - -<p class="nind"><span class="letra">I</span>N the last chapter I have stated that so charming did the country seem -to me, so pure its pleasures, and profitable its cultivation, that I -resolved to remove there permanently, and give up entirely the less -lucrative, if more distinguished, pursuit of the law. A most essential -preparation for this change was the necessity of cultivating and -increasing the present stock of plants—the tender and fragile things -requiring winter protection—which the abundance of the last year had -left me. My stock was not, perhaps, what finished gardeners would call -choice; they were not those out-of-the-way foreign productions which -only rejoice in one name, and that a polysyllabic Latin one; but, -although they were equally entitled to a scientific appellation, they -were generally known under common ones. I had an abundance of -carnations, which I had sometimes referred to as varieties of <i>Dianthus -caryophyllus</i> when my uneducated city visitors called to see me. There -was quite a stock of scarlet geranium; for, although<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_254" id="page_254"></a>{254}</span> I had ordered from -the florist at Flushing a dozen different colors, he had determined that -one kind would answer my purposes. There were a few of the exquisite -<i>bellis perennis Hortensis</i>, more generally known as daisies. But of all -my treasures, the most numerous of any one kind was a great variety of -verbenas, which I had raised from seed, and which had sported into every -variety of color, except—as Weeville once said when he was in an -envious mood—a handsome one; but tastes differ.</p> - -<p>These valuable plants must be protected during the winter, and -preparations had to be made to insure their being turned into the beds -the ensuing spring in healthy condition. To this end it was necessary to -add to the books of reference. To “Breck’s Book of Flowers,” and Rand’s -“Work on the Garden,” which I already possessed, I added Beust’s “Flower -Garden Directory;” Leuchar’s “How to Build Hot-houses;” Todd’s “Young -Farmer’s Manual;” Fuller’s “Small Fruit Culturist;” Warder’s “American -Pomology;” Dr. Chase’s “Recipes, or Information for Every Body;” Mead’s -“American Grape Culture,” besides a number of others equally learned and -abstruse, in addition to subscribing for the <i>American Agriculturist</i>, I -put my name down for the <i>Farmer’s Friend</i>, and the <i>American Farmer<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_255" id="page_255"></a>{255}</span></i>, -as well as the London <i>Field</i>, which always contained a valuable article -on “Work for the Week,” that gave me a number of important suggestions. -The thorough study of these for the space of a month made me perfectly -acquainted with the subject in hand; they not only told me all about -green-houses and window-culture, but gave me valuable hints about -propagating vines, pruning trees, increasing and improving manure, -building concrete walls, skinning sheep, sawing logs, chopping down -trees, and concerning a vast number of other subjects, all of which -information might prove exceedingly useful some day or other if my -farming enterprises proceeded.</p> - -<p>By the aid of these works it was ascertained that plants could be grown -advantageously in a room of an ordinary dwelling-house, provided the -proper care was exercised. This was quite satisfactory, as, -unfortunately, I had no other place than the fourth-story room of my -house in the city to devote to my new protégés. Under the published -directions, which I studied over till I had them by heart, a room with a -southerly exposure was selected, a staging was erected in front of the -windows, and the gas was so secured that no thoughtless person could -turn it on and poison the air of the extemporized green-house.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_256" id="page_256"></a>{256}</span> The -preparatory study and the final execution of the plans recommended had -somewhat delayed the fall potting of the plants, until a few frosts had -warned me that there was no time to lose. Unfortunately, when I -appointed a day for effecting the transfer from the garden to pots and -boxes, and went to Flushing for the express purpose, I discovered, to my -dismay, that Patrick was in a great state of confusion as to which -flowers were hardy and which required removal. As my reading had not -extended to that question, or I had forgotten it amid the extensive list -generally catalogued, I had to go mainly on what might be called general -principles. By general principles is meant that, as the cold had been -pretty severe, it might be presumed to have exercised a preliminary -influence on the tender species; so, wherever a perennial was observed -to be withered and have a sickly appearance in its leaves, it was taken -up and potted.</p> - -<p>Fortunately, I was well acquainted with the characteristics of verbenas, -carnations, and Johnny-jump-ups, and selected them without trouble; but -as to other matters, I felt, to the last, that there was considerable -uncertainty. The verbenas having struck root at every joint, and as I -felt that not one must be lost, a very considerable number of pots was -necessary,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_257" id="page_257"></a>{257}</span> and the time I could spare for personal supervision was -exhausted long before the work of transplanting was accomplished. It was -necessary, therefore, to leave Patrick to his own unaided resources, -with such advice and instruction as it was probable he would appreciate.</p> - -<p>He evinced his usual enthusiasm and self-reliance, and within a few days -arrived at my city residence with a wagon full of what the books termed -“bedding plants,” and assured me he “had the likes of that three times -over.” The labor of carrying a hundred pots full of earth up four -flights of stairs is excessive; and ere Patrick’s reserve was exhausted, -I was much the same myself. Nevertheless, perseverance conquered, and we -finally transported the last pot, managing to break less than a dozen on -the way. Unfortunately, some of Patrick’s trips were made during a cold -snap that we had, and it is possible that the frost slightly damaged the -plants, which did not seem exactly healthy when they arrived. There were -some among them that I did not recognize accurately, and one in -particular looked so strange, that I inquired of Patrick what it was. In -answer to my question, he scratched his head for a second, poked his -finger under the stunted foliage, peered in among the leaves -inquiringly, and finally said<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_258" id="page_258"></a>{258}</span></p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_258_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_258_sml.jpg" width="335" height="332" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p class="nind">authoritatively, “That! why that’s a verbayny, sure; and yer honor knows -a verbayny as well as meself.” “But, Patrick, that does not look at all -like a verbena; it has a very different leaf. Are you confident that you -are right?” My honest servitor looked at me a moment reproachfully, and -then replied interrogatively, “And does yer honor think I’d be after -decaiving you about such a thing as a verbayny?” Of course, there was -nothing more to be said, and the<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_259" id="page_259"></a>{259}</span> difference in leaf, which seemed so -puzzling, must have been due to what florists would designate as a -sportive change in the plant—possibly the first specimen of a new and -valuable seedling.</p> - -<p>I tended those plants carefully; water was given them regularly, the -windows were opened on every genial day, and the directions contained in -my books were marked, and re-read daily, to insure the observance of -every important point. Still the plants did not seem to thrive. They -grew weaker slowly, but steadily; every morning found them less -vigorous, and often was marked by a premature death. In fact, the living -ones diminished quite rapidly, and ere a month had elapsed nearly all -had perished utterly. This epidemic was peculiarly fatal among my -verbenas, although the books had described them as being rather -unusually hardy; and with the exception of Patrick’s new seedling, which -was vigorous enough, they were either dead or dying. This was quite an -appalling state of affairs. Recourse was had to my literary counselors; -recipes were found for curing mildew, bugs, borers, red spiders, and a -large number of other difficulties, but nothing on the subject of -general debility.</p> - -<p>My flowers had no active disease, unless it were an analogy to human -consumption, or what our quack<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_260" id="page_260"></a>{260}</span> doctors describe as a loss of manly -vigor; and as these complaints are not referred to in horticultural -works, and as the medicines guaranteed to cure the human frame could -hardly be expected to benefit them, I scarcely knew what to do. In -despair, I purchased some whale-oil soap, and proceeded to wash the -leaves with that highly-recommended compound. Perhaps whale-oil soap is -not advantageous in general debility; perhaps it was made too strong, or -applied too often. Under its application, my future progenitors of -bedding beauties perished faster than ever. A solitary fuchsia, that had -been purchased the spring previous, went early; the roses followed -precipitately; the daisies were not far behind; the verbenas made haste -after these; the carnations followed in this headlong race, until, in -spite of the most tender care, the most scientific nursing, the most -approved protection and artistic cultivation, ere spring arrived, the -entire collection was dead save one—that famous new seedling verbena of -Patrick’s discovery. It still lived, not flourishingly nor -enthusiastically—not as though it could endure much more -assistance—but, as the pleasant days were near at hand, exhibiting -sufficient strength to last till the winds of heaven could be trusted -not to visit its cheek too roughly.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_261" id="page_261"></a>{261}</span></p> - -<p>My assiduity in tending that solitary plant was praiseworthy. Nothing -was left undone that could insure its welfare; water, warmed to a proper -temperature, a sufficiency of fresh air, occasional supplies of a little -new earth or well-rotted manure, a gentle stirring of the surface, and -pruning of straggling and superfluous sprouts—none of these were -omitted. In spite of this attention, it remained pale, yellow, and -feeble, so deadly must have been the nature of the unknown and invisible -malaria that had penetrated into my green-house; but it survived the -danger. It became gradually weaker as March passed by and April -advanced, but was still alive when, in May, after it had been carefully -hardened off by progressive exposure to the air, it was once more -consigned to the earth of the garden. The fuchsia was gone; the roses, -the daisies, the carnations, were no more; its brothers had fallen by -the way-side; but this peculiar variety—this child of my own -raising—this new species, that had no equal for hardness, and probably -would have none in beauty—this seedling, that was destined to electrify -the floral world—this original discovery, which I had already mentally -resolved should make my name immortal as the <i>Verbena Barnwellii</i>—was -saved! That was all-sufficient.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_262" id="page_262"></a>{262}</span></p> - -<p>Weeville had inquired from time to time how the scientific cooking-shop, -as he ironically designated my green-house—because the dry furnace-air -which ascended to the upper story did make it rather warm—was -progressing, and sarcastically remarked that a hundred new and healthy -plants could be bought in the spring for what it would cost to keep one -over the winter. But I had too much confidence in the books which I had -studied to believe in his old fogy notions. I had put him off with -“glittering generalities,” intending to keep my discovery a secret, and -enjoying by anticipation his amazement and rage when he should find that -a mere tyro, by scientific appliances, could surpass an experienced hand -like himself, and do that which was beyond his utmost hope—originate a -new variety. I had intended waiting till my plant had recovered its -vigor under the influence of the “wanton wind” and the warm sun; but as -it did not improve rapidly, and no doubt missed my fostering care, I -took an early opportunity to invite him into my garden.</p> - -<p>There were a number of roses, fuchsias, and other bedding plants that I -had just purchased and set out, and he remarked at once, with a laugh,</p> - -<p>“So your cook-house did not work; you have had to buy new plants after -all. Furnace-houses, with<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_263" id="page_263"></a>{263}</span> dry, hot, parched air, are poor places for -green leaves and thirsty vegetable mouths. Moisture is a necessity to -the cultivation of flowers, and it will not answer perfectly when -applied only to the roots.”</p> - -<p>During this discourse I had led him toward the new seedling, and at the -proper moment I replied,</p> - -<p>“That may be true; but the satisfaction of tending one’s own flowers is -great; the pleasure of watching them is sufficient reward; and then -there is always a chance of effecting something original.”</p> - -<p>“Yes, there is that, no doubt. Amateur green-houses are original -enough.”</p> - -<p>“I mean there is a possibility of making some discovery, of starting a -new variety. For instance,” I said, slowly and impressively, “look at -that; is not that reward enough for all my trouble?”</p> - -<p>“Look at what?” he replied, peering about in a stupid way, striving not -to notice the wonderful plant at his feet, and stopping in a doubtful -way when his eyes finally rested on it.</p> - -<p>“Ay, look at it. Study it well,” I continued, enthusiastically. “Examine -its texture and its foliage; observe the delicate edge of each leaf; the -tender strength of each spray. Conceive its future freshness of beauty, -and the glory its discovery will confer.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_264" id="page_264"></a>{264}</span>”</p> - -<p>“Are you talking of that?” Weeville inquired, giving the sacred flower a -sacrilegious shove with the toe of his boot. “Why, what do you take that -for?”</p> - -<p>“What do I take it for? You may well inquire. I take it for the <i>Verbena -Barnwellii</i>, the crowning glory—”</p> - -<p>“Verbena fiddlesticks! It is nothing but a weed—a piece of wild sorrel, -just like a dozen others hereabouts, for they seem to abound in your -garden—only it is rather miserable looking, and is near about dead from -some cause or other. But what has that to do with your city -green-house?”</p> - -<p>Explanations were unnecessary. Patrick had made a mistake; he had either -taken up a weed for a verbena, or had potted a weed and verbena -together, and the verbena had died early, for certain it was that my new -seedling, the puzzling variety of an old species, was nothing but an -ugly specimen of worthless sorrel. It died soon after. I was glad it -did. Possibly scientific hot-house culture is not beneficial to weeds, -but until it perished of itself I had not the heart to dig it up, and -thus put a violent end to so many vain hopes and promising -anticipations. The <i>Verbena Barnwellii</i> is still in the undiscovered -future. Patrick had committed other errors; most<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_265" id="page_265"></a>{265}</span> of the plants that he -had taken up ought to have been left out, and most of those that were -left out should have been taken up. The results of this practice -convinced me that Weeville was right, and that it is cheaper to buy -plants than to raise them, even with all the aids of modern science; and -that, if any gentleman finds too many weeds in his garden, he has only -to remove them to his green-house and cultivate them assiduously to -exterminate them rapidly.</p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_265_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_265_sml.jpg" width="260" height="173" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_266" id="page_266"></a>{266}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIX" id="CHAPTER_XIX"></a>CHAPTER XIX.<br /><br /> -<small>A GREAT RUNNER.</small></h2> - -<p class="nind"><span class="letra">I</span>N describing the unfortunate termination of my efforts to winter our -stock, I have advanced a little beyond the regular order of events. -There was much other work to be done in the garden, even without -referring to the masses of bedding plants and the quantities of new -seeds that I had purchased. As the third season opened, a renewed energy -took possession of me, and I went at digging and planting like a giant -refreshed. There was no longer a sense of desolation around my place. -The florists and nurserymen, under my careful instruction, had set out -trees, and planted flowers, and got hedges in order, until Nature in my -five acres was bursting from a smile into a grin. It is true that the -cows of the neighborhood, which were invariably allowed to roam -whithersoever they listed, had fed rather profusely on the evergreens, -breaking down the tops and nipping off the ends of the branches; that -here and there the hedges had died out, and left yawning gaps; but, on<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_267" id="page_267"></a>{267}</span> -the whole, there was a remarkable change. It was at this point that I -bethought me of an omission from my flower garden which was as -surprising as it was inexcusable; hitherto I had neglected doing justice -to the gourd tribe.</p> - -<p>I am great on gourds; they are my specialty. I will undertake to grow -them against the world, and will meet Jonah in a fair field, and no -miracles, any time; in fact, I am a perfect Jonah on gourds. In early -youth, when my gardening was confined to a city yard, my gourds were the -first, and fattest, and yellowest to be seen; and, from that remote -period to the time of which I speak, I had always felt an affection for -the beautiful fruit, and wondered why Nature did not put more in it. Of -course there must be gourds in my garden, in spite of their being a -useless production and very hollow—Weeville made a joke about their -beating other fruit all hollow—and, except to make fragile -water-dippers (which, by the way, no one ever makes of them), quite -worthless; so I not only planted the seeds in the open garden, but -forced some in the hot-beds.</p> - -<p>My special favorites were three seeds of an almost unknown variety, -called Hercules’ Club, upon the past history and future prospects of -which I could get little information. I planted these little germs of<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_268" id="page_268"></a>{268}</span> -promise in a prominent place in the front beds, and watched with tender -care till they came up. A pale, delicate, juicy little spear, guarded by -its two seed-lobes, pushed its way above ground, where it seemed ill -suited to battle with the breeze and brave the sun, that threatened to -break or consume it. My solicitude became greater when the feeble stem -put forth a feebler leaf, not larger than one’s finger-nail, and so thin -that the tracing of the veins was like gossamer. My horror, therefore, -can be imagined when I found, on the ensuing morning, that a squash-bug -had fallen upon my tender nursling and eaten the leaf all up.</p> - -<p>I killed that bug. He endeavored to slip into the earth, but I slew him -without remorse. He was not an ugly bug in outward appearance; -entomologists might even have called him handsome; his colors were a -mixture of gilt and black, but his beauty was no protection. The next -day another delicate leaf rewarded my protection, but the following -morning another squash-bug devoured it; he met the fate of his -predecessor; but, when a third leaf was disposed of in the same way, the -result began to be doubtful; the question was arising, which would give -out first, the squash-bugs or the leaves? Having heard that wood-ashes -was good to drive away bugs, I was about<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_269" id="page_269"></a>{269}</span> applying a dose, when Patrick -assured me that they would “scorch such a little mite of a thing all -up;” and, as I had already discovered that no reliance could be placed -on tobacco, I was nearly at what ladies call their “wits’ -end”—whichever end that may be, when Weeville again came to the rescue.</p> - -<p>“Squash-bugs!” he said; “there is no need of ever being troubled by -them. Nature always has a remedy for all Nature’s ills, if we only look -for it. Onions, my boy, are the thing. Does a squash-bug ever eat an -onion? No, sir. Then make him eat it, and see how it agrees with him. I -used to be bothered with them among my cucumber-vines till I put a few -onions in each hill. No more bugs now. I never lose a leaf—not a single -leaf. When you plant gourds next time, put in a few onion-seeds at the -same time, and you will have no trouble. The smell does it.”</p> - -<p>This was very fine for the future, but I wanted to save my Hercules’ -Club for the present; so I thought to myself that if onions would answer -when grown in the vicinity, why would they not answer if removed to the -place, and kept renewed from time to time? There was no scarcity of -onions, and if we did not use them in this way, it was doubtful whether -they would be used at all, so I immediately gathered<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_270" id="page_270"></a>{270}</span> a quantity, and -built a breastwork of bulbs and stalks round my little pets. At this -time the sprouts were bare, having been stripped by our remorseless -enemies; but next morning still another leaf put forward its claim to -recognition—somewhat weaker, perhaps, than the earlier ones, but still -a leaf. By sundown it was fully developed, and my anxiety can be -imagined to learn its fate next day. I was up and dressed by sunrise, -and, to my great delight, found the leaf there and no squash-bug.</p> - -<p>The victory was won. The fatal <i>chevaux-de-frise</i> was renewed daily, and -proved itself an effectual barrier to the foe. One leaf followed -another; they increased in size; the stalk mounted a few inches, and was -secured to a stake. This appeared to be the turning-point of the plant’s -existence. It suddenly began to grow, and, having exhibited its -feebleness in infancy, now commenced to show its strength. In one night -it grew a foot, and up it rushed, in a few days, to the top of the -stake. There were three plants in all, not far apart, and they had soon -climbed as high as they could on their supports. Huge broad leaves, as -large as a straw hat, made their appearance. Fresh stakes had to be -inserted, and then, when these were covered, which happened in a few -days, still larger ones were substituted. My skill had<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_271" id="page_271"></a>{271}</span> been tested in -inducing the wonderful plant to grow, and I was not to be outdone now. -Hoops were arranged from post to post like a single section of an arbor; -cross-pieces were added, and still the plant outran them. I was becoming -weak, and, having beaten Jonah, was trying a match with Jack of the -famous “Beanstalk,” with heavy odds in my own opinion that I should win. -It was still early summer, and where my gourds would end ere the season -was over seemed doubtful.</p> - -<p>Unfortunately, at this stage of the contest there came up a storm of -wind and rain. This was a contingency that had not entered my mind. My -supports were frail, my lashings insecure; in an instant the whole -structure was leveled to the ground. Without waiting to tear my -garments, as I should have done if I had been Jonah, I rushed bareheaded -into the storm, fearing that an hour’s delay would give the gourd a -start never to be overcome, and again raised my frame-work and secured -it more firmly. Still the gourd grew. I led strings in all directions, -but, not satisfied with these, it spread over the ground, covered my -small plants, crawled up the neighboring bushes and trees, crept out -into the paths, and threatened to occupy the entire garden. I was still -bravely contending against the inevitable, when destruction<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_272" id="page_272"></a>{272}</span> in the -shape of another storm came upon me in the night, and the following -morning found my labors again stretched upon the ground.</p> - -<p>This proved too much for me, and, giving in at once, I called Patrick to -do what he could under the circumstances. He straightway sunk two stout -posts and braced them with guys in every direction, and then we let the -Clubs—of which these certainly seemed to be the kings—follow their own -fancy and grow till they should be tired. Being in a conspicuous part of -the garden—in fact, pretty thoroughly hiding the smaller flowers—our -friends had been deeply interested, and, never having seen the vine -before, wondered what kind of fruit it bore. It had produced abundance -of white flowers, in shape somewhat like the yellow blossoms of the -squash, but they fell off, “leaving not a wrack behind,” nor any fruit. -I could not find that Jonah’s gourd, or the beanstalk of my friend Jack, -had produced fruit or left seed, and began to think that mine was an -exceptional production of a similar character, that could only be raised -by those who were great on gourds, or, as the Vulgate hath it, “some -pumpkins.” If Jack’s stalk had produced beans, we should have known -those beans; if Jonah’s gourd had borne seed, we should have found them -at the seed-stores to this day.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_273" id="page_273"></a>{273}</span></p> - -<p>My anxiety was greatly relieved, therefore, when at last something that -was evidently intended for fruit made its appearance. It was almost of -the size and shape of a small lead-pencil, and closely resembled a long -green worm. This remarkable fruit—only odder, if any thing, than the -parent that bore it—after the same hesitancy and dilatoriness, -commenced to grow in the same mad way. It was soon as thick as your -finger, then as your wrist, then as your arm, and considerably longer -than the latter; and, ere it gave up, became as large round and longer -than a small man’s leg. Hercules, even, would have been bothered to -manage such a club.</p> - -<p>It bore seeds, but I destroyed them. My squashes were ahead of all in -Flushing. My pumpkins ran for hundreds of feet, climbed the bean-poles, -and bore a large fruit on top, one specimen being huge enough to have -furnished Peter Piper’s wife with a comfortable apartment. My ordinary -round gourds attained the size of a child’s head; and if I produced such -a result as I have described from my first year’s attempt with the -Hercules’ Club, I was not prepared to take the consequences of a second -or third effort.</p> - -<p>It was better to allow such a plant to disappear; the discovery of new -species of flowers and vegetables is creditable so long as they are -either handsome<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_274" id="page_274"></a>{274}</span> or useful, but to get the reputation of being the man -who originated a wonderful gourd, to go down to posterity celebrated for -this alone, to be spoken of in horticultural works as the gourd-man, was -too terrible a fate. Moreover, there was some danger in renewing such an -experiment; on the second trial the wonderful plant might have spread -all over the neighborhood, climbed upon crops, strangled trees, -surmounted houses, and invaded the village in such a way as to make me -liable for damages for trespass. There are some things which a man does -too well to do often; growing gourds was evidently one of those with me, -and I determined never to be led into such an undertaking again.</p> - -<p>To counterbalance this wonderful success, it is necessary to record a -remarkable failure. “Variety is the spice of life.” It is this variety -which gives agricultural pursuits their principal zest; no two attempts -in planting bring about the same results. There may be the same -circumstances of time, place, and weather, but the conclusion will be -altogether dissimilar. All honest farmers must confess—and farmers are, -like lawyers, without exception, upright and truthful—that the return -from no two years has been alike. One year the potatoes fail, another -leaves us without corn, a third is too much for the<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_275" id="page_275"></a>{275}</span> wheat; then the -fruit rots, or the turnips will not grow, or the sweet potatoes run -entirely to vine, or the oats to straw. Something never comes out right, -or does what was expected of it, and often behaves in a shabby manner. -Of coarse, my horticulture could be no exception, but the eccentricities -of Flushing soil are rather extravagant, although the editor of the -<i>Agriculturist</i> lives in the neighborhood, and does all he can to keep -it in order. I have mentioned some peculiarities of my hot-house -experience. I will give certain facts, quite as strange, relative to -out-of-door gardening.</p> - -<p>There were some hardy perennials which I had raised with great care, and -among them a fine specimen of crimson flax, or what I had satisfied -myself was crimson flax. My seeds had fallen into a little confusion in -consequence of the names getting washed off the labels by the rains; -but, as the plant bore a crimson flower, and did not resemble any thing -else in particular, I had made up my mind it was crimson flax; if it -were not, there must have been a defect in Thorburn’s seeds, which is -not to be presumed, for nothing else of that description came up. -Perennials are not generally satisfactory during their first season; -they make a poor growth of it, showing a feebleness that is extremely -painful to a<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_276" id="page_276"></a>{276}</span> fond and devoted gardener. They are not easily -distinguished from weeds at best, and, as they grow far slower than the -latter, are often lost entirely among them. For this reason I was -especially proud of my crimson flax. It grew thriftily, spread into a -good-sized bush, and covered itself with delicate flowers.</p> - -<p>This had occurred during the previous season, and when fall came I was -careful to mark the spot where it was with several large stakes, in -order to warn Patrick against digging it up. Patrick was rather an -enthusiast with a spade, and somewhat zealous in weeding; he was fond of -digging up the garden to “meliorate” it, as he expressed the idea, and -to prepare it for spring planting; and if he had not the flowers very -distinctly and plainly marked, he would, in the excitement of the -operation, dig them up ruthlessly. So also, in weeding, he had to be -warned and watched, for more than once was my blood frozen with horror -at beholding Patrick weeding up a valuable plant, and twice he weeded -all the young sprouts off a flowering shrub so effectually that the -shrub never recovered from the shock. With this fear before my eyes, and -a question about the perfect reliability of my own memory, I marked the -spot where my crimson flax was located with great care, surrounding<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_277" id="page_277"></a>{277}</span> it -on all sides with stakes plainly lettered. Thus fortified, I waited -confidently till the winter should be over, having put my own weaknesses -and Patrick’s at defiance.</p> - -<p>True to my confident expectations, with the first few warm suns my -crimson flax reappeared amid its palisade of stakes. It grew far more -strongly than before, spreading rapidly into a large bush, and requiring -the assistance of supports and strings to keep it in shape. There was an -odd singularity about it, however, which struck me as remarkable. The -leaf seemed different from what it had been before—it was longer and -narrower; but this probably was one of those changes which perennials -undergo ere they get firmly established, and, among the many curious -things I had experienced, did not surprise me particularly. The plant -was on the exact place where it had been the year previous; it was -growing luxuriantly, and bid fair to be a magnificent ornament to the -garden, for it had a prominent situation. I did not boast of it, -however. Boasting is not natural to me. I did not even call Weeville’s -attention to it. He had disappointed me so often that I resolved he -should be disappointed himself. I was determined to say nothing until it -should be covered with its crimson gems.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_278" id="page_278"></a>{278}</span></p> - -<p>It grew remarkably. If it had done well the previous year, it bid fair -to surpass itself this season. As its time for flowering approached I -became quite nervous and excited. Slowly the buds formed, being almost -innumerable, and covering each spray; they filled and distended, and -finally burst. But what was my astonishment when I discovered that they -had changed their color. Instead of the rich crimson flowers that were -expected, I found the bush one morning covered with strange-looking -blossoms of a dull yellow. The most remarkable transformation ever known -had taken place—crimson flax had lost its natural hue under careful -cultivation, and assumed the appearance of a cross between an orange -blossom and a dandelion; if any thing, it was rather more like the -dandelion. It was no longer crimson—had, in fact, no shade of crimson. -It was a pure yellow, and not altogether a handsome one. To describe the -disgust that this unexpected change wrought in my usually placid temper -is impossible. I began to hate that plant. The more it blossomed the -more furious I felt, until finally, when it had covered itself with -these wretched straw-colored abortions, my feelings overcame me, and I -pulled it up by the roots.</p> - -<p>This burst of passion has caused me much regret.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_279" id="page_279"></a>{279}</span> By a moment’s -indulgence of anger I destroyed the chance of raising a new species of -plant, a changeable crimson flax—crimson one year and yellow the next. -Weeville, when subsequently informed of my indiscretion, attempted to -console me by endeavoring to make out that it was a weed which had -smothered the original flower. He even doubted whether there ever had -been any crimson flax in my garden, and pretended dissatisfaction with -my description of that plant. He said he was not aware that crimson flax -was a perennial, and thought that the designation in the catalogue was -an error, ridiculous as such a supposition was to my mind. He undertook -to show me numerous weeds by the road-side—for weeds are quite abundant -in Flushing—which bore yellow blossoms, and which he felt confident -were the same as the one I had raised. They did resemble it in many -points; but, as I had marked my plant carefully, had seen it blossom the -year previous, and knew whereof I spoke, I utterly disdained his -explanation. I must still feel that the loss of my new flax was serious, -and must regret the outburst that led to it. Even a flower convertible -into a weed, or changing biennially from one to the other, would be rare -and curious.</p> - -<p>Moreover, although we did raise several garden<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_280" id="page_280"></a>{280}</span> weeds, this was like -none of them. They were most deceptive things, and imitated the -appearance of plants wonderfully. One grew quite tall, and seemed to be -on the point of flowering all the while, but never did so. Another -spread into quite a large tuft, something between a daisy and a violet, -and imposed upon Patrick, even, so thoroughly that he never dug it up in -a single instance, notwithstanding his readiness to extirpate whatever -was of doubtful authenticity. It spread rapidly, until it was quite a -labor to pull it up. Another of these troublesome members of the -vegetable kingdom attained almost the dimensions of a shrub, and had a -thick, solid stalk, and actually flowered; but the blossoms were the -minutest things possible, and bore a ludicrous disproportion with the -size of the bush; while the snap-dragon obtained a hold in the beds -which it is probable I never shall eradicate, by an error of -appreciation continued through a few months. In fact, the weeds -performed such strange antics, and behaved in so unexpected a way, that -the question arose in my mind as to what was a weed. The author of “Ten -Acres Enough” says that it is a flower out of place. The latter half of -his explanation may be well enough; but as to its being a flower, most -of those that came up in my garden had no flowers<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_281" id="page_281"></a>{281}</span> whatever. Without -entering too far upon a religious disquisition, it may do merely to -suggest that it struck me that weeds were original sin, springing up to -trouble us every where, and calling for that sweat of the brow which is -ordained as the lot of the human kind for the first great crime of -Mother Eve.</p> - -<p>The nature of weeds is exceedingly perverse. They seem to have been sent -to torment man, sprouting up continually without apparently ever -becoming exhausted, causing an immense deal of unnecessary annoyance. As -an evidence of their innate perversity, it is only necessary to refer to -the manner in which they behaved toward my <i>portulaca splendens</i>. This -showy plant had been thriving admirably, and as its seeds, when allowed -to sow themselves, naturally reappear in augmented splendor the -following year, I had founded great expectations upon the anticipated -result. It is true that the portulaca did sow itself, and did come up -finely the present spring; but, unfortunately, weeds come up without any -sowing. They originate or “come of themselves,” as my brother farmers -lucidly express it, and they appeared with the portulaca, and grew twice -as rapidly.</p> - -<p>The end of it was, that, although the flower was there, and even -matured, it was hidden so effectually<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_282" id="page_282"></a>{282}</span> that there was no way of getting -a sight at a blossom except by pulling up a yard square of weeds. My -conclusion from this—and valuable it is to the cause of -agriculture—was that our scientific men had not paid sufficient -attention to weeds; that they had taught us how to make things grow, but -had not told us how to prevent their growing; that an anti-fertilizer -was more important than a fertilizer. There is twice as much labor -expended in rooting weeds out as in putting vegetables in. We have our -phosphates and superphosphates, our guano, marl, bone-dust, lime, and a -dozen other species of manures, but not a single invention to prevent -undesirable growth. The present necessity is a drug or acid, or some -sort of medicament, that will kill all the weeds and the germs of weeds -in the ground, but which will soon lose its power, so that the ground -will perform its proper functions when seed is planted. Until this -discovery is made, farming will be laborious, and I hope our learned men -will devote their attention to it promptly. I shall only claim the honor -of originating the idea, and leave the entire profits to the inventor.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_283" id="page_283"></a>{283}</span></p> - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XX" id="CHAPTER_XX"></a>CHAPTER XX.<br /><br /> -<small>A BEAUTIFUL NEW COACH.</small></h2> - -<p class="nind"><span class="letra">I</span> HAVE already mentioned the honesty of the people in Flushing. Nothing -is more pleasant and satisfactory than to deal with persons on whom one -can rely; to feel that one gets precisely what is agreed upon—can trust -entirely to the word of the seller. To be sure, they were now and then a -little too confiding. They had a way of supplying any person in the -village with whatever he wanted, and charging it to me. If I objected, -they answered conclusively that he had given my name, and that they were -not accustomed, in the country, to doubt every man’s word who applied to -them for a keg of nails or a dozen boards; and they explained that -confidence was the foundation of business. Rather than disturb this -creditable, almost too creditable state of affairs, I submitted, and -paid for a good many articles that went to other people. I made a short -attempt to enforce a rule that any applicant who gave<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_284" id="page_284"></a>{284}</span> my name must have -a written order, and I even opened a pass-book with the leading -store-keeper; but these innovations met with so much opposition, and the -leading store-keeper had always so much to add to what appeared in the -pass-book, that I gave up the effort, and accepted country ways of -dealing.</p> - -<p>Even the farmers were affected by this simplicity of views; they had -peculiar and somewhat unwise opinions, but they held to them -religiously. They believed in New York as the Moslem believes in Mecca; -they considered that they must make all their sales there, and that -weekly pilgrimages thither were a necessity of their success in life. No -inducement would persuade them to sell any of their produce on the road, -or short of that sacred destination. It was vain to apply to them for a -load of hay, or a dozen bags of oats; they would cart these six miles -over heavy roads rather than sell them within a few rods of their doors. -This was inconvenient, but a sure guaranty for their honesty; none but -very honest people could be so simple, and their faith in the metropolis -of the nation was actually touching.</p> - -<p>“Sure, yer honor,” said Patrick to me one morning, “and the new Rockaway -is gone intirely.”</p> - -<p>“Why, Patrick, you surprise me; I only bought it last spring.” I did not -say that I had obtained it<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_285" id="page_285"></a>{285}</span> second-hand, as it is well not to forget -appearances, and human nature is somehow or other ashamed of buying any -thing second-hand. The fact was that Dandy Jim had pretty much used up -my first wagon; he had run away with it so often, had dragged it over so -many fences, and smashed it so frequently and so effectually, that, when -he was sold and the new family horse was purchased, a new wagon had to -be bought for him. I said nothing to Patrick about its being -second-hand, and he said nothing to me; we neither of us pretended to be -aware of a fact which both of us knew perfectly well. True to his -instinctive Irish delicacy, not a word was breathed against the honor of -the house to which his fortunes were attached. So he replied,</p> - -<p>“Be gorra! and it was a beautiful wagon intirely when yer honor brought -it home; you may well say that.”</p> - -<p>“What is the trouble, then, now?”</p> - -<p>“Sorrow a one o’ me knows, but they tell its going fast, and I thought -it was me duty to spake about it before any accident happened, which -would be a pity, indade, indade.”</p> - -<p>“Is there any thing wrong with the axle-trees?” I inquired, anxiously, -worried at the implied risk.</p> - -<p>“Axle-trees! whirra, and they’re as strong and<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_286" id="page_286"></a>{286}</span> sound as the day they -were put in; divil a word can be said against the axle-trees.”</p> - -<p>“Well, then, is it the springs?”</p> - -<p>“The springs! Now did yer honor ever see a purtier pair of springs in -yer life?”</p> - -<p>“Perhaps it’s the wheels?”</p> - -<p>“The wheels! divil a bit is there any thing the matter with the wheels; -better running wheels, when they’re well grased, were never put in a -wagon at all, at all.”</p> - -<p>“Then, Patrick,” I cried in despair, “what on earth is the matter?”</p> - -<p>“And didn’t I say it was wake all over, it was; and if it comes down -when yer honor’s out driving, you mustn’t blame me. Yer honor knows -best, but I shouldn’t like to be in it if it did break down; but perhaps -there’d be no harm done—you may be going slow, like, and the horse may -stop.”</p> - -<p>“Patrick,” I responded, still more appalled at this picture, and not at -all confident of so fortunate a result, my experience having been rather -the reverse—“Patrick, it will never do to run any risk. What shall I do -about it?”</p> - -<p>“Yer honor does not seem to care for it, but, as I tould yer honor -before, there’s a beautiful new coach down at the carriage-maker’s. If -you saw it once,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_287" id="page_287"></a>{287}</span> you would be much plased; it’s lovely intirely. If you -would only get that, that would be the doin’ ov it.”</p> - -<p>This discussion was not altogether an unusual thing between us. My -Rockaway had been growing weaker and weaker for some time past, and, as -its weakness became more striking, the “beautiful new coach” loomed up -more distinctly. At first the spring would want strengthening, then the -axles would need examining, next the tires would require resetting, and -so on, until an application to the wheelwright became an event of weekly -recurrence. On each repetition, the attractions of the “beautiful new -coach” would come under discussion, and be dilated upon, although, as I -had little faith in country work, and entire confidence in my Rockaway, -I turned a deaf ear to all such suggestions.</p> - -<p>However, matters had been becoming more serious lately. The wagon had -certainly acquired a wobbly motion, which was neither agreeable nor -reassuring. The springs or wheels, or both, appeared to have lost their -strength; the latter did not track quite true, and, in turning a corner -or crossing a gutter, there was evidence of a defect somewhere. No -special difficulty had made itself apparent, but there was a general -giving out—a sort of grogginess all over.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_288" id="page_288"></a>{288}</span> The whole concern “yawed -about” and “slewed round,” as the nautical gentlemen express it, after -an unpleasant and threatening fashion. It was apparent that something -must be done, and the carriage-maker, who also had the “beautiful new -coach” for sale, declared that repairing would do no more good; so to -Patrick’s last remark I responded with resignation,</p> - -<p>“I suppose I shall have to get a new wagon of some sort. What does the -man ask for the one you speak of?”</p> - -<p>“Only three hundred and fifty dollars, with pole and shafts. Mr. Jones -paid him four hundred for one just like it last week, but he says he -wants yer honor to give him a chance. There’s nothing but the best of -stuff gone into it. He puts on new patent clips; and the painting is the -loveliest blue and red that iver was seen.”</p> - -<p>“Well, Patrick, you may drive me down, and I will look at it.”</p> - -<p>“Thank yer honor; and shall I hitch up right away?”</p> - -<p>“Yes; the sooner it’s over the better.”</p> - -<p>“Thrue for you, and so it is; for a break-down would be a pity, with the -doctors charging so high. But ye’ll be safe enough in the new coach.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_289" id="page_289"></a>{289}</span>”</p> - -<p>We found the wheelwright at his shop, and ready to expatiate on the many -good points of his vehicles and the excellence of his work; the -advantages he had over city builders, and the danger there was in riding -in a broken-down affair which was made of such wretched stuff as mine, -that he only wondered had held together as long as it had. The proposed -carriage was quite gorgeous and very fine with paint and upholstery. I -thought it rather heavy for one horse, but Patrick, who had taken much -interest in the discussion, immediately, on my making the suggestion, -seized the shafts, and ran it up and down as if it were as light as a -feather. So there was nothing for it but to say that I would take the -“beautiful new coach;” and, stepping to one side with the maker, I said, -“I am informed that the price is three hundred and fifty dollars.”</p> - -<p>“Oh,” he replied, “that is without the pole; with the pole it is three -hundred and seventy-five. Mr. Jones paid me—”</p> - -<p>“Never mind about Mr. Jones. I understood the price was three hundred -and fifty dollars with pole and shafts; but, as I do not want the -former, I will do without that.”</p> - -<p>“But they both go together,” replied the man. “Now I’ll tell you what,” -he added, dropping his<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_290" id="page_290"></a>{290}</span> voice to a confidential whisper, “you have been -a good customer of mine, and I want to please you; so let’s say three -hundred and sixty-five, and that will be almost throwing the pole in. It -costs a good twenty-five dollars to build one.”</p> - -<p>I never liked haggling over trifles, so I consented and paid down the -money. I did not send for the new carriage immediately; in fact, a -change seemed to have come over the Rockaway; it gave up wobbling, the -wheels ran steadier, the springs became stronger, and its general -debility disappeared. It was altogether a changed vehicle. I heard no -more complaints from Patrick, and all danger in using it seemed to have -disappeared, for he took five of his female acquaintances to church in -it the very next Sunday morning. When we did get the new coach home it -proved to be entirely too heavy, and Patrick was the loudest in -declaring it was “no good at all, at all.” Of course, it could not have -been that an honest village wheelwright would purposely have put my -wagon out of order that he might sell me a new one, but such a sudden -recovery of health on the part of a Rockaway was extraordinary and -wonderful to the last degree.</p> - -<p>Of course, when a man moves permanently into the country, he builds an -addition to his house. Why<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_291" id="page_291"></a>{291}</span> he does so, neither he nor any one else can -tell. He never does the like in town; no additional room is necessary, -but he does it all the same. I was attacked with the same mania, of -course. The only way of adding to my house was by putting a second story -on the main wing; there was no possible mode of extending either side, -or erecting an adjoining building, or doing any thing whatever except -moving a step nearer the heavens. This implied the removal of the roof. -Now a roof is a very necessary thing; people who have been in the habit -of living under one know little of the inconveniences of doing without -it, even for a short time. It is ornamental—may have a pretty border, -or edging, as our farmers say; but it is not only ornamental, it is -extremely useful; and if any reader doubts this, let him remove the roof -from his house, and try the effect of a change. The foundation is -necessary, the sides are advantageous, but the roof is essential.</p> - -<p>As fate would have it, my alterations were commenced in March, which is -not altogether the best month for such things, in view of the fact, -little appreciated by citizens, that that month is the commencement of -the rainy season. So the tin was rolled up and taken off, the rafters -were pulled down, the sides of the additional story were completed<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_292" id="page_292"></a>{292}</span>—and -then it rained. I had prepared as well as I could to meet this -contingency, being the possessor of a large amount of canvas, which once -constituted the racing sails of a yacht that I owned in my younger days, -and I had spread this over the yawning gulf as well as I could. But it -did not answer; perhaps there was not peak enough, or the duck was worn -thin by age; certain it was that it leaked, and leaked badly, not in -mere drops, but in rivulets, that first covered the upper floor, and -then worked their way down through the lower ceilings, and dripped on -the furniture, and discolored the walls, and loosened the plaster.</p> - -<p>Moreover, the rain always came at the worst times and in the most -disagreeable ways. I would go calmly to bed, leaving every thing -apparently serene, not a cloud in the sky, the stars shining brightly, -and the wind due west, and be waked up at midnight by the beating of the -storm, and the trickle of the water as it came down through one corner, -its favorite spot, in my room. Then the wind would blow, and work under -the canvas, and tug at the ends, until it succeeded in rolling it up, so -that it could expose what was beneath.</p> - -<p>And then, of course, at the precise moment when a dozen more days’ work -would have made me<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_293" id="page_293"></a>{293}</span></p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_pg_293_lg.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_pg_293_sml.jpg" width="319" height="318" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -</div> - -<p class="nind">safe—when the windows only were wanting, or a few more boards would -have shut out the destructive element—the carpenters and sash-makers -concluded they would enjoy a little “strike”—preferring leisure to -work, and needing a short rest from their labors. Many a time would I be -roused from my comfortable bed, and be forced, with quite a scanty -amount of clothing, to climb up the rickety, half-finished stairs at -midnight, and get drenched through putting up boards or nailing down the -canvas; for water,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_294" id="page_294"></a>{294}</span> useful as it undoubtedly is for some purposes, can -do so extensive and unexpected an amount of damage; it gets into such -odd places, and produces such queer results. However, Patrick, true to -his Irish nature, was so delighted with my example that he determined to -follow it, and begged time enough to build himself a house. When my -troubles were about over, I met him one day, and asked how his building -was getting on?</p> - -<p>“Thank yer honor,” he replied, joyfully, “I am doing finely; there was a -frind, begorra, and true frind he was, and a carpenter at that, and he -has built it all for nothing, because he was out of work. Sure and it’s -an ilegant house.”</p> - -<p>“Well, then, Patrick, I suppose you’ll soon be moving into it.”</p> - -<p>“I would that, but for wan thing.”</p> - -<p>“And what is that?” I inquired.</p> - -<p>“It hasn’t any roof on it.”</p> - -<p>“You don’t say so; why, that is quite important.”</p> - -<p>“Thrue for you, yer honor, it is that; the flure and the sides is -beautiful; it has two flures and a roof as purty as ever was.”</p> - -<p>“Why, I thought you said it had no roof,” I responded, growing somewhat -confused, as I often did over Patrick’s explanations.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_295" id="page_295"></a>{295}</span></p> - -<p>“Oh no; the roof is all there, but it lakes, it does.”</p> - -<p>“Still, if it does leak, the upper floor would catch that, and you might -occupy the lower story, as I have been doing.”</p> - -<p>“So I would, indade, but the flures have no boards on them; nothing at -all, at all, but jest the bare bames. But I wouldn’t mind that meself, -and me family would do well enough on the ground if it wasn’t for the -lakes, and the bad saison it is at that.”</p> - -<p>“You ought to find out where the leaks are, and stop them,” I replied.</p> - -<p>“Sure, and it lakes all over.”</p> - -<p>“Now, Patrick,” I remonstrated, “how can it do that? No roof was ever -made that leaked all over; the thing can’t be.”</p> - -<p>“Well, yer honor knows best; but when a roof hasn’t any shingles on, it -lakes purty bad.”</p> - -<p>“Patrick,” I said, pausing and looking at him sternly, “what on earth do -you mean by saying one minute that you have a roof, and the next that -you have none?”</p> - -<p>“Well, yer honor knows the boards for the roof is all there, and put up -beautiful, but I hadn’t any shingles, more’s the pity, and me paying -rint all the time, and me frind with nothing to do until he gets some<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_296" id="page_296"></a>{296}</span> -work, and no telling the day when he may do that. And I thought perhaps -yer honor will give me the loan of some shingles, and keep the house -yerself until I could work it out. The windies ain’t much matter, and -boards will do very well, but sure a house is good for nothing intirely -unless it has a roof on it.”</p> - -<p>I coincided fully in Patrick’s views; there was a bond of brotherhood in -suffering between us; and although I did not keep his house for him, he -had his shingles. And so he was fairly housed, and my extra story being -completed, and the garden having at last consented to grow, and the -trees to furnish foliage and give yearly promise of fruit, and my vast -experience having been carefully stored away for the use of others, and -myself finally and peremptorily settled in the country, I think it is -time that I closed this veracious and trustworthy account of “Five Acres -more than Enough.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_297" id="page_297"></a>{297}</span>”</p> - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXI" id="CHAPTER_XXI"></a>CHAPTER XXI.<br /><br /> -<small>THREE HUNDRED ACRES NOT ENOUGH.</small></h2> - -<p class="nind"><span class="letra">I</span> AM writing this supplementary chapter after the expiration of nearly -fifteen years since the record of my farming experiences was commenced; -and while I have nothing to take from the interesting statements which -have been set forth in the previous pages, I have much to add to them. -Everything has gone on as it began, with the same invariable pleasure, -profit, and satisfaction. The field and the fields of my labor have -alike been one long delight—from the soft yellow of the upturned -surfaces when the plough had just prepared them for the seeds, through -their period of emerald-green promise and their crowning glories of -fruitful russet and gold, till they passed under the snow-white mantle -of their wintry death. My success on “five acres” was so triumphant that -I purchased a farm of twenty-five at Rockville Centre, and subsequently -one of two hundred at Sayville, and to those have kept perpetually -adding till they number<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_298" id="page_298"></a>{298}</span> three hundred and fifty, and bid fair never to -be enough. My feet have trodden all the highways and by-ways of -successful agriculture, and my efforts have done much to solve the great -problem that the world has been groping over for four thousand years; -for only when science shall teach just how much hydrogen, nitrogen, -super-phosphate, hydrocephalus, tredecem radiatus, esox reticulatus, and -cerebro-spinal meningitis make up the component parts of every stalk of -corn, grain of wheat, or head of oats will the human race be redeemed -from darkness and ignorance, and all men made rich and happy.</p> - -<p>Patrick and I built hot-beds and cold-frames; and if the hot-beds did -come out cold-frames, and the cold-frames occasionally endeavored to be -hot-beds by burning up all the plants in them, we were sure to get one -or the other almost every time. Moreover, we have had our triumphs as -great as those of war. We have raised the mammoth squash, a miniature -planet of orange loveliness, bursting with beauty and solid with -succulence—so roomy, that Cinderella would have found no trouble in -using it for her coach, or Peter Piper for a wife-protector. It was sent -to the county fair, where it was much admired by my friends, and caused -much envy in<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_299" id="page_299"></a>{299}</span> the mind of Weeville, to judge from the disparaging -remarks he indulged about the taste and value of squashes. It would have -taken the prize were it not that another farmer had sent one a few -pounds heavier, although far inferior in contour and general excellence -of expression. Ours should have had a second prize, but that the chief -official informed me that they never gave second prizes for squashes.</p> - -<p>Of course there have been drawbacks, but what mattered it if the -commonplaces did not come up to expectation, if the turnips and carrots -failed and the grass dried up. Who could not spare the horse vegetables -in the land of the pea, the Lima-bean, the asparagus?—where there was -never too much heat or drought for the sweet corn, and where the -luxuriant egg-plants would spread out their broad green hands to the -generous sun in gratitude for his rays in summer, and would round out -their purple globes in the cool days of September and October—that is, -when the potato-bug did not eat them all up. Insects have become rather -over-abundant. Indeed this might be said to be the bug age, in contrast -with the stone age and the iron age and the golden age which have passed -before. There is every known and unknown sort<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_300" id="page_300"></a>{300}</span> of insect on Long Island. -The Colorado beetle paid his respects promptly, on his evolution, and -has remained permanently; the borers bore our apple-trees; the curculio -swarms in our plum-trees; moths and army-worms and tent-caterpillars and -every other sort of creeping and stinging thing assist our labors and -share our profits.</p> - -<p>The poor broken-backed farmer has fallen upon the day of small -things—the winged, creeping, crawling, and ever-devouring small things -of six legs and more or less wings and unlimited stomach; those that -delve in the ground and worm their way into roots, or climb up the -branches and eat the leaves, or which strike the fruit and spot and -blight it. He must poison the potato-beetle, he must burn the galleys -and cities of the tent-builders, he must prod the borers with wires. By -comparison with these the hum of the ever-present mosquito is but a -humbug, and his bites flea-bites.</p> - -<p>Following the directions of enthusiastic bug sportsmen I tried to -inveigle the innocent moths into the candle of destruction. Patrick was -directed, to place a lamp in the orchard and set it in a pan of water -with kerosene oil on the surface. There was every reason to expect that -the moths from their known weakness for light would have<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_301" id="page_301"></a>{301}</span> rushed to this -death-trap by myriads. But Patrick soon gave the most discouraging -accounts of bug behavior and insect artifice.</p> - -<p>“Arrah that was no good at all at all,” he said in a disgusted tone. -“They wouldn’t be after going widin a mile of it.”</p> - -<p>“But, Patrick,” I replied reprovingly, for I was afraid he had not given -the experiment a fair trial, “they must have been within a mile of it, -as the orchard is not a quarter of a mile either way, and they seem to -be as plenty there as ever.”</p> - -<p>“And your honor may well say that. Plenty, is it? There is no end of -them, and they keep growing on us every day.”</p> - -<p>That was a personal way of stating the case which made my flesh creep, -and sent itching sensations over my whole body. So I asked him hastily,</p> - -<p>“Then why did you not try the lamp?”</p> - -<p>“Try? And sure and I did that same. Och, but it burned beautifully, and -all the country round could have seen their way to steal our fruit, only -there wasn’t any fruit to steal. More’s the pity.”</p> - -<p>“Well, what did you catch?” I asked impatiently.</p> - -<p>“Catch, is it? Sure the first night I caught a mosquito and a house-fly, -and the next night I<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_302" id="page_302"></a>{302}</span> caught only a mosquito. I didn’t think it worth -while to be wasting oil at that rate, for we would be a hundred years -before we caught all the bugs in our orchard; and then, more be token, -they would grow ten times as fast.”</p> - -<p>Since the commencement of my horticultural operations I had had on my -mind and in my heart a longing for a bed of mushrooms. The realization -of this dream had been postponed in consequence of a certain obscurity -in the directions contained in my authorities. Bridgeman was very -enthusiastic and hopeful, but slightly incomprehensible. He said that -the bed must be established in “a light cellar.” Now none of my houses -had a light cellar—neither the first one imported from Nantucket, which -might be expected to produce any imaginable eccentricity, nor that -old-fashioned farm-house at Rockville Centre, nor the modern production -of lath and plaster. It is true that when the first was in the formative -state—had got as far as the cellar and no farther—in which condition -it remained, as has been explained, that part of the construction was as -light as could be wished; still I felt in my soul that the necessary -cellar must be the cellar of a house, not a house that was all cellar. -If Bridgeman had only said a light garret, I could have<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_303" id="page_303"></a>{303}</span> accommodated -him. But all cellars I had ever entered were dark. Or if there had been -some way of putting a cellar out of doors. I could have introduced the -gas into the cellar, but was afraid to burn it or kerosene lest they -might burn too much. I was all in the dark about the cellar, and doubted -whether artificial aid if attainable would convert its inherent darkness -into the light of Bridgeman’s intelligence.</p> - -<p>He said if there was no light cellar we might use an old shed. But here, -again, was a similar difficulty. We had no old shed; they were all new: -besides, they were not much lighter than the cellar. Light was evidently -necessary, and it was only after much thought that I hit upon a feasible -plan. We had built a sort of greenhouse; it had not been used long, the -plants not proving green enough to live in it, and it had been converted -into a chicken-coop for the forcing of infant chickens. No better place -could be selected, if light was wanted; for the sun poured down upon its -glass roof and sides all day long, till the chickens got so over-heated -under the forcing process that they spent most of their time, when they -were not engaged pulling out each other’s feathers, standing and panting -with their mouths open. Here it was that I determined to<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_304" id="page_304"></a>{304}</span> establish the -mushroom-bed, where it would have a sure chance to heat, and where it -could have as much light as the lightest cellar Bridgeman had ever -discovered.</p> - -<p>When I subsequently mentioned my intentions to Patrick, he made -incoherent remarks about “its being too hot intirely, and that the sun -would burn them all up.” But he had not studied the habits of mushrooms -and their demand for light; so we picked out “the droppings,” as we were -ordered from day to day, and turned and flattened them, and laid layers -of earth between layers of them, in the most approved manner. The middle -of August arrived before we were through, and the place was so hot I -fairly gasped as I worked in it; but when it was completed, I broke the -cakes of mushroom spawn into pieces, and deposited them under a few -inches of soil, and covering the whole with a deep mass of straw, -awaited developments. It was some time before any results made their -appearance; then there was a motion in the earth, which, at first I -supposed was the activity of the seeds and the bursting forth of the -fruitful fungi. Nothing of that sort came of it. Instead, the motion -extended itself till it resembled a gentle movement of the entire bed. -At this my suspicions<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_305" id="page_305"></a>{305}</span> were aroused, and I proceeded quietly and -cautiously to investigate. I lifted off the straw from one corner, and -stirred the earth and dug down into it; then the truth came upon me. -There was a motion—a motion through the entire conglomeration of earth -and droppings; but it was not of the bursting fungi, nor even vegetable -in its origin; it was entirely vermicular: the bed was one wriggling, -moving, turning, twisting mass of worms. They might have been a new -development of the worm family—a sort of mushroom worm produced by -spontaneous generation; but I had not the heart to investigate them, -under the knowledge that all our efforts to produce a bed of mushrooms -were to end in the production of a crop of worms.</p> - -<p>I said nothing to Patrick, but carried out the straw, and let in the -chickens once more. They had got a fresh growth of feathers from running -about the grounds, and had accumulated a healthy appetite, and the way -they scratched and dug and dusted in that mushroom-bed showed the extent -of our misdirected results, and assured me that if we ever wanted to -raise chickens all we had to do was to establish a mushroom-bed on the -most approved principles, and in a light and sunny exposure.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_306" id="page_306"></a>{306}</span></p> - -<p>Hardly, however, had the painful admission of our failure been forced -upon us, when a special Providence, as it might be called, or an -agricultural equipoise, came to our assistance. I had laid out a portion -of the garden for a plot of fall spinach, and told Patrick to give it -what is politely termed a “good dressing”—a ball costume, or regular -wedding outfit of manure. This had been planted, but gave no signs of -coming to fruition; at least Patrick assured me that he had “put -lashings of seeds into it,” although doubts began to arise whether he -had not forgotten that important step in successful agriculture. The -plants certainly did not show up, although we were now passing well into -the autumn, and I was wondering how I could turn that “dressing” to -account. One morning, as I was studying the problem, I noticed that -there had been a movement in the soil, such as I had at first hoped from -my mushroom-bed. Little mounds had erected themselves here and there, as -though the tiniest of gnomes were at work, or the spinach had collected -itself in spots for one tremendous and united effort to break through -the stubborn soil. I instantly suspected more worms, and thought of -turning the chickens from the hothouse into the garden, but before doing -so resolved to investigate.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_307" id="page_307"></a>{307}</span> To my equal surprise and delight I found, -on uncovering one of these mounds, that they were the mud-homes of the -precious fungi, and that the mushrooms which were vainly sought in the -light of science, were the mound-builders, and had surreptitiously -transferred themselves to the garden. There are many surprises in -horticulture, and especially in mushroom propagation. Having produced a -bed of vermicular life when I was in pursuit of fungi, a reward of fungi -had equalized matters by usurping the place of a plot of spinach. I -watched those succulent eccentricities with the attention they merited. -I lifted the earth off their tender heads lest they should be pressed -back into the ground. I gloated over their creamy consistency, so -superior to the dull discoloration of the vapid and faded objects -purchased in the markets. At last my well-earned triumph was to come, -and Weeville was to be taught that, although I might not succeed -precisely as I had planned, intelligence and study were sure to be -crowned in the end. The weather was growing cooler, the season being -early, and I felt that no time was to be lost.</p> - -<p>I proceeded promptly to make a collection of the luscious edibles as -soon as they were sufficiently matured and abundant, determined to<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_308" id="page_308"></a>{308}</span> use -them as a surprise to my friends in the city, including Weeville, who -was not to escape from my triumph now. There was no depending on the -uncertain future, for the grounds of glory were in the basket. I -telegraphed an invitation to a supper at the Manhattan Club, merely -saying I would bring a dish from my farm that I thought would astonish -my friends, and teach them that there was something in home-farming -after all. It was a big basket and well filled, that there might be no -stint, and weighed so heavily when packed that I put it on the piazza -out of the sun till Patrick should bring up the horse. The horse was -rather restive; horses always are restive till you get in, and seem to -be in a terrible hurry, and there is no end to their anxiety to be under -way till they are, when they generally become more moderate. Our horse -was peculiarly unsteady on this occasion, and Patrick had all he could -do to control him as I climbed over the wheels, for years of hard toil -in the field have made me stiff in my limbs, and slow in climbing. So we -started in some confusion and trepidation. It was only when the train -had reached Jamaica that I found that I had forgotten all about my -basket of mushrooms, and had left it calmly resting in the shadiest part -of the piazza.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_309" id="page_309"></a>{309}</span></p> - -<p>The little party went off very pleasantly at the club, and I left the -guests mystified as to which special dish it was that had come from the -farm, although Weeville in his blunt fashion blurted out that he -believed “I had made another failure of it.”</p> - -<p>That night there came a severe frost, and not only were all the -mushrooms that had been picked shrivelled up, but those in the garden -were killed. I kept that spot sacred next season, hoping that the -treasure of the earth would again present itself: but the little genii -never favored me thereafter; nothing but weeds grew the ensuing summer, -and after that we converted it to the raising of corn and cucumbers. -This was a disappointment, but I had the satisfaction of feeling that I -had raised the finest mushrooms that ever were seen, and could raise -them again, provided they took into their heads to appear as -unexpectedly as in this remarkable instance. It is a permanent pleasure -to dwell on the thought of how good they would have been, if only we had -had a chance to try them, and had not forgotten that basket, and I never -can pass that portion of the garden without a reawakening of such -sentiments, and if any visitors happen to be with me taking occasion to -point out to them my mushroom-bed.</p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<img src="images/back.jpg" width="320" height="500" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /> -</div> - -<hr class="full" /> - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg's Five Acres too Much, by Robert Barnwell Roosevelt - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FIVE ACRES TOO MUCH *** - -***** This file should be named 55220-h.htm or 55220-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/5/2/2/55220/ - -Produced by Chuck Greif and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images available at The Internet Archive) - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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