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diff --git a/58239-0.txt b/58239-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8877a89 --- /dev/null +++ b/58239-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,5460 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 58239 *** + + + +Note: Images of the original pages are available through + the National Library of Australia. See + http://nla.gov.au/nla.obj-358993523/view?partId=nla.obj-358994667 + + + + +MEMORIES OF MY LIFE + +From My Early Days in Scotland Till +the Present Day in Adelaide + +by + +MRS. J. S. O. ALLEN + + + + + + +Adelaide +J. L. Bonython & Co., "The Advertiser" Office +King William Street +1906 + + + + +DEDICATED + +TO + +THE LADIES OF SOUTH AUSTRALIA. + + +In a sense I am no stranger to you. It may be asked why I should bring +the names of people and the incidents of my life into book-form. +Loneliness is the principal cause. What would become of me if I could +not recall past years. I have written something of the history of what I +have lived through. Many times over I have promised to write a cookery +book from my colonial experience--I am talking about cookery all day. I +try to live on recollection, although occasionally it hurts me. Many +will discern in these pages some of the observations they have listened +to while I have been giving lessons on cookery. It has been habitual to +me to allude to by-gone days and customs. + +MRS. J. S. O. ALLEN. + +77 TYNTE STREET, +NORTH ADELAIDE. + + + + +CONTENTS. + + Page +My First Place 1 + +Life's Battle Begins 3 + +I Return Home 7 + +On the Coal Mines 9 + +I go to Glasgow 13 + +I Change my Occupation 16 + +The Country of Burns 19 + +I go to a New Place 20 + +I Leave Ayrshire 25 + +Dr. Dykes, Dr. Guthrie, and Dr. MacLeod 27 + +Another New Place 32 + +Abraham Lincoln 34 + +The Isle of Arran 35 + +Back in Glasgow again 41 + +I Decide to come to Adelaide 44 + +On an Emigrant Ship 46 + +I Arrive in Adelaide 52 + +My Father and Brother Arrive 60 + +I go to the South-East 65 + +I Leave the Station and Return to Adelaide 72 + +I go back to Sunnyside 80 + +Prince Alfred in Adelaide 82 + +I Leave Government House 86 + +I Get Married 91 + +A Parting of Ways 95 + +I Return to Scotland 98 + +I Arrive in London 104 + +I Return to my Old Home 109 + +I Reach Adelaide again 112 + +Housekeeper at Government House 115 + +I Return to my Husband 116 + +Yet Another Parting 118 + + + + +Memories of My Life + +FROM MY EARLIEST DAYS IN SCOTLAND TILL THE PRESENT DAY IN ADELAIDE. + + + + +MY FIRST PLACE. + + +We did not talk of a "situation" in those days but of a place. My +sister, who was a few years older than I, was out at a place five miles +from where we lived. She came home, as she had not been well, and my +father sent me to tell the people that Mary could not return for a few +days. They asked me if I could stay in her stead till she was better. I +was quite willing, provided that my father would allow me. They obtained +my father's consent, as he said if I was any use they could keep me; so +at the age of ten I began to be a house-servant. + +We had no mother. She died when I was six years of age. The name of the +town was Denny, not far from Falkirk. The people with whom I went to +live were bakers and confectioners in a large way. With their sons and +journeymen and apprentices, in addition to the master, there were, all +told, 12 men living on the establishment, and the mistress, with one +daughter and myself, did all the work, except that a woman came to help +with the washing. Some of the journeymen and two apprentices slept over +the granary or store where the flour and other materials were kept. +Every night at 10 o'clock those men and boys had to be in their room; +one of my duties was to see that the door was locked and to bring the +keys to the master. The mistress would bring them to me again in the +morning at 4 o'clock, when I had to run up this long stone stair and +open the door and tell the men it was time to get up. I always went back +to bed again till 6 o'clock. + +It was a busy house. There was a large shop facing the front street, +with two windows filled with beauteous cakes and confectionery. There +were five carts to load up every morning, for the establishment served +the locality for miles round with bread. + +Stirling town was not far off, and the neighborhood was full of +historical events. The battlefield of Bannockburn was close by, and also +an old castle; I was told that once it was the stronghold of Bruce and +Wallace. I liked to wander through the old ruins on my way home from +Sunday-school. I got to like the place, and they were kind to me. It was +not displeasing to me when I learned that I could stop there for a time +and that my sister would live at home. I used to go home about once a +month. There were no tramcars or conveyance of any kind on that wild +moorland. Nothing but heather met the eye all the way from Denny to +Slamannan, which was the name of the village I came from. The Edinburgh +and Glasgow railway ran through it, and we could see Stirling Castle +from our door. + +I did not have much wages, but the mistress saw to my clothes and made +some of them. I was taught to be careful and useful. One of the things I +liked was to go into the shop window to hand out all the nice cake and +confections. The work of bakers and confectioners has moved forward by +great strides since then. For weeks and weeks the daughter of the house +and myself had to help in the work-shop while some of the men and one of +the apprentices were away ill with measles. + +I shall never forget the first morning I went to the bakehouse. There +was a long trough, which stretched the full length of the bakehouse. +Overhead there was a strong beam of timber, with ropes hanging down for +a balance. In this big trough I saw six men with their trousers up to +the knees, and they were tramping in the dough to make the bread. I put +up my hands and gave a scream, and someone threw a flour bag at my head. +I felt as if I did not want to eat any more bread. I did not like the +way that they made bread, but I soon got interested in other beautiful +work which was done, and I had to help. What I learned then I have never +forgotten. + +The master told the mistress that she was not to give me any wages, as I +was learning more than the apprentices. So he said I was to have no +wages, but that I would have to pay him some "sil-ler" for what I was +learning. When he said "sil-ler" he meant money. I knew the apprentices +had to pay when they were bound for so long a period. Time went on and I +was happy. + +There was one daughter who had a runaway marriage, sometime before I +went there to live. The old folks had forgiven her and she and her +husband came on a visit. It was the first since the elopement, and +everyone seemed pleased to see her again. Even I, the little maid, was +allowed to enjoy the gay times. They came from Glasgow, and had seen +some style in city life. The gentleman brought with him an apparatus +for taking photographs. It was the first ever seen in Denny. They fixed +up a studio in the garden for him, but he did not take photographs to +make money, but only as a pastime. It made quite a stir in the place. +Ministers and doctors and all kinds of people came to see this wonderful +thing. I will add here that this was 46 years ago. Things are different +now. I had my photograph taken without my knowledge. + +I was sent with a cup of coffee on a tray in the morning as so many +people were round that the gentleman could not come to breakfast. Just +as I got to the gate I was told to stand still and look straight at what +proved to be the camera. I was told to wait and get something to take +back to give to Miss Isabel, and to ask her to put it in the shop +window. I carefully carried back the parcel, never thinking it was my +own photograph I had. It was taken on glass, and in some way it seemed +to have a kind of tar put on. However, there I was, holding on to the +tray, and on either side by the gate stood the doctor of the town and +the Congregational minister. After I gave the picture to the young lady +I could hear roars of laughing. All the bakers came running from the +bakehouse to the shop, and I saw the people staring at the window. So I +went to look, and when I saw my own picture was exhibited there I cried +till they took it out of the window. That was my first photograph. I +never saw it again. + +I was interested in all I saw. It was new to me after our poor home. I +had one little brother three years younger than myself, and one sister +four years older. Father became addicted to drink after mother's death. +It was agreed that my sister and myself should go to service in +alternate years. So I was to stop at my first place for two half years, +or two terms of six months each. That was how you were engaged then. If +you left your place before the term expired you were liable to be +arrested, or at any rate, you would forfeit your wages. + + + + +LIFE'S BATTLE BEGINS. + + +To me life's battles began at the age of 10 years. I was known all about +as Baker Miller's "wee maid." The family all attended the Congregational +Church, and I had to go also. The minister's name was Dr. Jeffrey. The +"Manse" was close by, and I was often sent there with messages. Dr. +Jeffrey was a bachelor. I would find him sometimes digging in the +garden, dressed up very queerly. He liked to tease me about having my +photograph, which was taken with him that morning at the gate. What +attracted my attention to him was his hair. It was in long ringlets, +hanging down on his shoulders, and parted in the middle. When he was +working in the garden or preaching his hair would hang down beautifully, +like that of a lady. I went to his Sunday-school, and some words from +him helped me, too, to face the future. + +I can truthfully say that I only knew the alphabet, and how to read from +a little spelling book, some words to my mother who died a few days +after I was six years old. My greatest misfortune has been the want of +schooling. There was a school in Slamannan, but it was a mile from where +we lived, and there was no one to care whether we went or not. People +were not compelled to send their children to school in those days. I +could read some easy words in the Bible and Testament. What I could not +make out I would ask someone to tell me. There were family prayers every +Sunday morning and evening, and all had to attend, or at least all who +lived in the house. We had to read a verse each as it came to our turn +all through the chapter, either in the Bible or the Testament, as the +master gave it out. I did try to be able to read my verse, for fear that +the apprentice boys would laugh at me--how I used to hope that my verse +would be an easy one. I was fond of reading, and they gave me nice +books, while there were so many old places about in connection with the +"History of Scotland" that it was pleasant to read about the deeds that +were done, and then to go and look at the ruins. + +As the time went on I grew strong and hardy, and there was plenty of +good food. All had porridge and milk in the morning, with plenty of hot +scones and butter, and relishes of some sort. There was no waste, and +the mistress was a good cook. I was told that when she and her husband +began business that she did all the fancy cooking. Even in my time she +did a lot of things for the bakehouse. I used to help with the raisins +and currants and lemon-peel, and the meat for the raised Scotch mutton +pies and so on. Those Scotch pies produced more profit than any other +item in their trade. When I come to think of it, even now, I remember +that Saturday was the only day they made them. The large boards, on +which the bakers used to carry the bread into the shop, would hold about +eight or ten dozen raised mutton pies which were sold for two-pence +each. Ever so many of the great boards were filled with pies and sent to +meet orders all around. There was a fair in Denny every six months. Talk +about pies! There were no clothing factories or shirt factories in +Denny. There were, however, some cotton mills, to which I used to see so +many poor-looking people going every morning when I was attending to the +front of the shop and the private entrance. I often thought to myself +that I was better off than them. The girls had no hats, and some of them +had no boots, and they looked wistfully into the shop window. I know +they were hungry. + +There were no sewing machines in those days. If a man wanted a suit made +he would employ a tailor. The tailor would bring an apprentice boy and a +large iron, called a "goose," and they would be there ever so long. +Sometimes they worked on the kitchen table. Everything was made by hand; +there was no machinery. I saw two dress suits made for the young +gentlemen of the house. While I recollect how they made the outside +clothing, it was evident to me that the tailors did not make the men's +shirts and under-garments. These were made by women, and if a man's wife +could not make his shirts, as well as wash and iron them, she would be +the talk of the place. Quite wee "lassies" could knit their own and +their father's or brothers' stockings. The wool was not dear. At a date +more remote they used to spin their own wool. There was often to be seen +in some lumber place the old discarded "spinning-wheel." Alloway was +famed for its fingering wool. The women of to-day should be thankful to +see how nicely they can dress their children and themselves. + +I often recall the apparel of the dim past. You could see well-to-do +farmers' wives come to church, wearing a lilac or print gown in the +summer, and in the winter it was replaced by a "linzewince," with a +plaid or kind of woollen cloth or shawl. This was two yards long and two +yards wide, and was folded to hang three-cornerwise down the back from +the shoulders. And then the boys and the girls. I remember well seeing +quite big boys with petticoats and pinafores when 6 or 7 years old. I do +not mean the "kilt." It was just the same as that the girls wore. Of +course the mother could make things like that when she could not do the +needlework of tweed. There never was a time previously when dress was so +becoming for all as it is at present. Think of the old grandfathers with +knee-breeches and long stockings. I only saw my grandfather once, and +that is how he was dressed. + +To say that I was always happy and had an easy life would not be true. I +was often in tears and in disgrace. I would break some thing, or put +things where they could not be found. I felt as if I belonged to nobody, +and would have a cry to myself. Still, I must confess that I received +kindly appreciation from all. The only daughter was about to be married, +and I knew that neither myself nor my sister would be old enough to do +the work when that time came. A healthy body makes a healthy mind +whether happy or not, so I began to think of going home after Miss +Isabel was married. What I had seen of my father did not comfort me. My +heart cried out for someone to show me how to write. Miss Isabel was +giving me lessons on a slate. From all I remember of our home life in +looking back into the past, after all these years, I know that I did my +best to gain instruction. I tried my hardest to find out for myself the +way to do things. + +The months passed by, bringing the New Year. Christmas time was not much +spoken of then. My master noticed how earnest I was, and must have +thought that I should learn the baking. I could see that Miss Isabel +could work in the bakehouse like the men. I got to like going there, +too. What a time we had getting cakes ready for the new year. I remember +that one bedroom had the carpet taken up and all the furniture removed +and the floor cleaned, while the cakes were put in, and built on some +framework nearly to the ceiling. + +It was the custom to give to the customers at New Year's time a fruit +cake. They called it a currant bun, but sometimes it weighed from 2 to 4 +lb. There were all sorts of fruit in them, with boxes and boxes full of +raisins, candied peel, currants, and all sorts of spices. All of these +were prepared in the kitchen, and I used to help often till late at +night. I know that they were not iced like the Christmas cakes we see +here. But those bakers could do some lovely work with sugar. What I saw +then has been valuable and important to me all through my life to this +date, which proves that a special interest in the usefulness of cooking +may become a part of a young girl's training, as much as reading or +writing. I have been teacher of cookery for many years now, and I teach +without a textbook. Instead of giving pupils recipes, I teach that which +I have tried and proved by experience. + +But I must keep to the bygone days. It was customary when there was a +funeral in the neighborhood, and the people were not too poor, for them +to send an order for a special kind of sponge biscuits, which had to be +made at once. Sometimes such a large quantity was wanted that all hands +had to help. If there were frost and snow about it was hard to whip up +the eggs, so they used to get a good-sized cask, half fill it with hot +water, and stand the mixing basin on that. The steam from the water +helped in the whisking of the eggs. If there were no heat the eggs would +be frozen while whisking. It was always my duty to whip the eggs. Then +some skilled hand would come and put in some of the sugar, and keep on +putting in more sugar time after time till the specific weight was used. +Then the flour was added. At last I got so experienced that I could add +the sugar myself by the appearance of the eggs, and, eventually, I could +add the flour and take the basin of mixture to the bakehouse all ready +to drop into the desired shape. I make sponge cakes in the same way yet, +only here we require no hot water. + + + + +I RETURN HOME. + + +I may burn this some day, but still I will put down the story, or, at +least, those parts that are most essential. I have no literary +attainments fitting me to write a long book, though my memory would +furnish me with plenty of material. I was in comfort and luxury in my +first place, yet I longed to go back to my humble home and to my wee +brother, who had not got into "pants" yet. + +Miss Isabel got married before I left, and as I continue my story I will +have to tell some more about her. I got to like her so much that I would +do anything she asked me. I knew she liked to see things look bright and +clean, so I felt happy to be able to shine anything that I could. They +gave me some wages, and the time came when I was to leave. I had on my +best things, with the rest of my clothes tied up in a parcel, which was +not very heavy. So I walked from Denny to Falkirk to spend my first +money. It was not the only time I had been to that town. I used to visit +it with father when he bought things for us, so I bought something for +everyone at home, and my dear brother in particular. + +I can remember my thoughts yet. I was a good deal worried about my +prospects. If I only had an oven I could make Scotch mutton pies to sell +in the village. The face that I made some subsequently serves to show +that knowledge and perception can be stamped on the mind of youth. + +And so I found myself at home. My sister went to a place close by at a +farm. She had to help with cows and work in the field. + +I remember I used to go and see her. They had all sorts of things +growing. Corn, wheat, and flax, which I liked to see. They pulled it up +by the root and let it stand tied up in bundles. When it was dry it was +thrown into a pond of water, formed by an inlet from the stream, and +left there till it got soft and pulpy. Then it was drawn out and left on +the bank to dry. The Scotch named the flax lint, and when the water in +the lint hole was drained off the smell was something awful. I think I +can smell it yet. What excited my imagination was that they told me that +the beautiful fine white linen was made from flax, or otherwise "lint." +It was taken in to the barn or hay house and thrashed by means of a +"flail," an instrument used then for thrashing corn or wheat. There was +no machinery for that purpose, at least in that district. This "flail" +looked like two broom-handles, and was as long with a hinge in the +middle. I never saw a woman doing the thrashing. It was always done by a +strong man, but the women did a lot of work from the first. Quite young +girls, from 12 years old upwards, were employed in pulling up the +"lint." They got 4d. or 6d. a day. It seemed hard work. I never tried +it, but I used to look on. Then, after it was thrashed, both old and +young women would be employed tousing or pulling it out. After this +"flailing" it was no longer a plant nor lint, but was called "tow." Then +it had to be carded. I helped with the carding, which is slow work. Then +I saw them spinning this tow into threads. It was no uncommon sight to +see several women carry their spinning-wheels to a neighbor's house in +the long winter evenings, and spin and laugh. + +I never got the length of trying to spin. I did love to sit and watch +those that spun. There was the nice humming of the wheel, with no noise +to distract the reason or the nerve. When I think of it I see the women +sitting upright. It looked so easy, the wheel being very light, and made +of wood for the most part. There was no bending over. I have compared +the attitude since then with the attractive way a lady sits at the harp. +It is so graceful, and just like the spinning-wheel. + +I may add here that a river in Scotland is always known as a "burn." The +water is not hard, and the people did not have water taps in their wee +houses, so we had to go to the burn for water. That would do for odd +things and washing. Just think of it. This lint water went into the +burn! Nobody wanted to wash clothes till that rolled off to the sea. + +In the summertime the housewives would bring their washing to the +burnside and make a fire, and that was quite a picture. They would have +a big tub, and they washed the blankets in this way. They had the water +hot with soap melted in it. Then they put in the blankets, and a woman +would take off her shoes and stockings (that is, if she had any on), and +go in and tramp on the blankets. Young children were there as well as +their elders, as the mothers could look after them, or they could be +otherwise protected. We were not afraid of anybody with a camera taking +snapshots, as such a machine was then unknown. I have also washed in +that fashion. + +I would not have anyone think that the burn was the only water we had. +Close by there were more than one beautiful well of spring water, but we +had to carry it. Those who lived near the wells were best off. We had a +yoke with a wooden frame shaped to rest on the shoulders. A portion of +rope hung from each end with an iron hook to hold the vessel for water. +The rope could be adjusted so as to make it suitable for a tall or short +person. I have seen Chinamen carrying their wares as we once carried the +water. It was the same in all the country places. But as if to make up +for the water carrying we had no wood to chop, the coal being so +plentiful and cheap. There were numerous coalpits all round and +ironstone. We had not long lived there. + +I could just remember the nice home we had when my mother lived. +Everything seemed so changed. The little house we lived in was at the +end of a long row of houses all of the same size. The railway going +through from Glasgow to Edinburgh passed close by. How I used to look +out for the train, and particularly if the Queen was expected to pass. I +only saw her once with Prince Albert. That was at the inauguration of +the Loch Katrine water supply. Previously Glasgow had obtained its water +from the River Clyde. + + + + +ON THE COAL MINES. + + +My father! How can I write of him. He descended from being a +house-carpenter and having men working for him to the doing of rough +carpenter's work about those awful-looking coal pits. I used to go there +sometimes with his dinner if he did not come home. And then to see the +men coming up and going down into the pits! Some of them were hundreds +of fathoms deep. They descended in what they called a hutch, and the +coals came up in it. It had wheels. When it reached the top someone +pushed it off and wheeled it to where its contents were tipped out on a +great heap of coals. There was an engine working all the time pumping +water night and day. If it had stopped the works underground would have +been flooded. No one could go down and no one could live underneath if +the engine were not working all the time. I remember how I stared at the +men entering the trucks in which the coals were brought up. How queerly +they were dressed! On their heads they had a close-fitting cap made of +leather, with a place in front to hold a small lamp that would hold half +a gill of oil. It had a narrow projection at the side for a wick. Each +man had to have his own lamp. + +I must say something about the manner in which those men and lads were +dressed. Some were laddies from eight to nine years of age. Ah, and some +were old men! In fact, there was nothing else for them to do, and they +came from all parts of the country to work in the pits. They did not +seem to mind it, but I had never seen pits before, and, while waiting +for my father, in fear and alarm I watched them going up and down. They +were the colliers, and rows of houses were built on purpose for them. +Wherever you saw a coal pit there also were the houses, built on the +same plan. Now about the clothing. I have mentioned the cap. Their +shirts were of a dark, thick, woollen material, while their trousers and +coat were of a warm material without any shape. They wore a leather +belt round the waist, to which was attached a flagon of oil to fill up +their lamps. If they had good, kind wives they would have on long +knitted stockings and strong shoes with big nails in them. It looked +horrible even to see them going down dry, but when they came up drenched +with water or perspiration and all so black and grimy it was worse +still. If there were frost and snow their clothes would be frozen on +them ere they got to home. Frost and snow lasted many months in the +winter in Slamannan. Each one had his own pick to take down with him and +he had to bring it back again to get it made sharp for the next day. +Some had more than one. They also took with them some food tied up in a +handkerchief. When they were washed and clean I did not know them to be +the same men and lads that previously I thought did not belong to the +human race. + +The impression made on my mind then is as distinctly there now, even at +this distance of time. I got the idea that they were different from +ordinary men. Yet the children of the colliers took no notice of the +things that filled me with fright. All the pits were not so deep as the +particular one to which I had to go. + +There was a heartrending scene one day when a rumor spread that the "New +Pit" was on fire. Thank heaven, all the men and boys had been drawn to +the top. It was no uncommon thing to hear of a pit catching fire, +through foul air or gas, which, if the miners were not careful, ignited +and rushed through all the spaces whence the coals had been taken. Some +of those pits had been working for years. But I never knew where coal +came from till we came to Slamannan. There were many old pits all about +that had been worked out. They were fenced around for protection. It +made a lot of work to fill the long train of waggons every day with coal +and ironstone, to be taken away to Glasgow and Edinburgh by rail. There +were many other men and boys employed about the works beside the +colliers. All the waggons and hutches for bringing up the coals were +made there, and that gave work to rough carpenters. Then blacksmiths, +engineers, clerks, timekeepers, and other men, many of whom never went +down into the pits at all, were on the mines. I learned also that there +were gangs of men who, under contract, cleared away the ironstone in the +nighttime, after the colliers had left the pit. The stone had to be +blasted out of its place with powder. It was as well, perhaps, that I +did not know at that time, although I often wondered what was in some +little barrels I saw stacked in the carpenters' shop. Years afterwards, +when I was in South Australia, I had a newspaper sent to me containing +an account of an awful explosion which happened in a carpenters' shop at +Benny Hill, near Slamannan. Many lives were lost, including those of +children who had come with their fathers' picks to get them sharpened. +I knew the place so well, and I felt thankful that I was not there. + +How little do the people think as they sit at a bright fire what a risk +to life and limb is needed in order to get this coal when it is so far +down in the earth. I saw some very old women, who remembered when they +were young having worked in the pits. I saw a young man that was born +down in the pit. + +When the dear Queen Victoria came to the throne it was made illegal for +women to work in coal pits. Here and there through Scotland a mine was +found where they could dig in from a hillside and find coal, and get +horse-power to haul the coal out, but never in such quantity as was +produced when they dug hundreds of fathoms under ground. + +I am always grateful when I think how kind some of those colliers' wives +were to us two "mitherless bairns," as they called my wee brother and +me. In almost every house you would find a wood frame, on which the +women did work called tamboring on muslin, in window-curtain lengths, or +a hanging cloth for a bed. The pattern being stamped on, they tambored +it over with a needle, very like a crotchet-needle. They also used a +cotton made for the purpose. These women used to go to Ardria, a town +eight miles away. They could go by train for a very few pence, but, to +save that, I have known some of the dear creatures to walk there and +back. You will say that they would wear out as much in shoe leather as +they saved in money. But shall I tell you in a whisper that they would +take off their shoes and stockings and walk bare-footed till they came +near the town. They did the same on the way back. When the tamboring was +finished anyone could take it back and get the money. Some would send +their wee lassie on those messages. While I think of this long-ago time +and the wives of the colliers, the memory of them is always dear to me. +I found much kindness beneath what would appear a harsh surface. + +As a rule both men and women married very young. It was no uncommon +thing to see a young girl of 16 or 17 with a cap, or what was known as a +"mutch." When married, this strange-looking headdress was donned. It did +not matter how beautiful the hair was, you could not see it for this +mutch. It was made of muslin, white, of course, and with two and +sometimes three rows of goffered frills all around, with long strings to +tie under the chin. The old women wore them too, but not with so many +frills. They were more plain, with a black band of ribbon around. + +Every now and then a strike would occur. It always involved a severe +struggle between master and men, for a little more wages or some +alteration in the work, but it was always about the pay. These strikes +brought the workers to the lowest ebb. They never made complaints, but +it was sad to see a battalion of over 500 or 600 men, young and old, +marching about. They often suffered from hunger, for sometimes the +strike would last for many weeks, so that they were reduced to an awful +plight. On three different times a strike broke out while I was in that +place. I am sure that no negro for whose liberty America was then in +conflict was more miserable even in his bonds than those white slaves in +the thrall of some of the uncharitable coal masters, who lived away in a +grand place in great style in luxury. More than one of these poor women, +with hungry children and a hungry husband, has said to me, "See, Annie, +this is our last handful of oatmeal." There was some aid or relief +organised from a fund that other miners would send, for if they were on +strike their comrades in work would help to sustain them. There seemed +to be a league with a kind of "help one another club," a kind of +freemasonry. They would know if any were in distress, even so far away +as England. So few of them knew how to write, but yet they were so kind +to each other, were those colliers. + +There was a church in Slamannan, with a churchyard for the burial of all +the dead. There were a few little shops here and there and a large +store, which was also a public-house. You could buy drapery, china, +wool, iron, or whisky. There, too, someone would bring his fiddle to a +big room, and they would dance Scotch reels. They would gather from +miles away, both the lads and their lassies. There were no law courts in +Slamannan, so if anyone broke the law they were taken to Falkirk to be +dealt with. There was only one policeman. He wore a tall hat and a queer +kind of uniform, and he was well liked, for he did not take many to +Falkirk if he could help it. There was a post-office, but such a thing +as a telegram was then unknown. There was also a school, and the teacher +was called the Dominie. He was not liked, as it was said he was cruel.. +The schools were not so interesting in those days. Near those rows of +houses known as "Benny Hill" there was a general store, where provisions +of all sorts were sold, and whisky, too. Only to think of that maddening +beverage--we had to suffer for it, my brother and I. + +All round the people were paid once a fortnight. How we dreaded the +pay-day. Sometimes we would not see my father for two or three days +after he was paid. He would go away with a lot of young fellows on what +they said was a "spree." He would come back, but all his money gone. +Sometimes with some more he would come into the house and bring a jar +full of whisky. Then my brother and I had to run to some kind neighbor +and stay there till they had drunk the whisky and got sober again. We +dreaded my father when he took whisky, but he was nice to us when not in +drink, and we loved him, and hoped he would soon get away from the coal +pits. He did not drink when mother was alive, so I know now it was not +habitual with him. I used to say then, and I have faithfully kept my +word, that if I ever grew up to be a woman I would not have any whisky +in my house. This was a strange, wild place. I wondered what brought my +father to "Benny Hill." I was there only a little while before I went to +Denny, and lost hold of the past. Almost a year had gone since the +terrible experience of my mother's death, which had an effect on me as +though I had been awakened from a dream. Some say that childhood's grief +is short-lived, but what I suffered then will till the hour of death +continue in my memory. + +Things got gradually worse. My father had a little place fitted up, +where he did some carpentering work in the evenings, and people would +come for odd jobs. All about there seemed so many who had "fiddles" and +played, and many of them would get father to make a bridge for their +fiddle. Then they would play cards and send for drink, and to get rid of +the smell of whisky and tobacco we would drag the bedclothes over our +heads and try to sleep. + +At last one night there was a fearful quarrel. We heard the things +getting smashed, including all the crockery and furniture. I looked in +and saw a man with his face bleeding.. I ran and picked up my little +brother, and carried him to the house of a woman who had been a good +Samaritan to us before. She made a shakedown for us in front of the +fire, and that was my last night in Benny Hill for some years. + + + + +I GO TO GLASGOW. + + +I made up my mind that I would go to Glasgow to find Miss Miller, of +Denny, so I watched till I saw my father go away in the morning. Then I +went into the little place, which was awful to look at. Everything was +thrown about, and my hat had been knocked off from behind the door and +trodden on. So I had no hat. I knew where there were two shillings on a +shelf. I took the shillings, and as I knew that when my father was all +right he would look after my brother, I did not say anything to the kind +woman, but went off to the railway-station and got a ticket for Glasgow, +which cost one shilling and eightpence. When I landed in Glasgow I had +not the slightest idea of how large a city it was. I only had the lady's +address in my memory. Her husband was a wine and spirit merchant, Mr. +George Stirling. I made enquiries, and found the street, but was +mystified by the length of it. After wandering up and down for some time +looking for Mr. Stirling's house he saw me, and, happily for me, he knew +me as the little maid at the baker's. He said, "Little Susie, where are +you going?" I told him I was looking for Miss Isabel. He stared at me, +and asked me to come inside, while, sobbing, I told him all my trouble. +While he came to the house at Denny he always called me Susie, and I did +not mind. He said now, "Well, Susie, you cannot see Mrs. Stirling; she +is very ill, and you must not call her Miss Isabel now, but I will see +what can be done for you till my wife is better." + +So he sent some food for me, and wrote a note, and got a boy to take me +to a friend of his in Argyle-street. This was a large place, known as +the "Steak and Chop House." The proprietress was Mrs. Wilson, a widow +with three daughters. In the note she was requested to find something +for me to do till Mrs. Stirling could decide what was to happen to me. I +was sent amongst the cooks downstairs, and I helped to do the vegetables +and other things. This was in a very busy street, and it was a busy +house. There seemed such a lot of people employed, both men and women. +Everything was different to me, and the whole world was changed, and I +did not care whether I was called Susie or Annie. + +I had to work underground in a room always lighted with gas. I did not +see real daylight again for a long time. Through thick glass in the +pavement some light entered a room where another girl and I slept. All +night I could hear the people passing, and at first I could not sleep +for the noise. I had a lot to do, and I did not like my surroundings. +For instance, all the meat and similar food was brought direct from the +slaughterhouse. A man cut it up in the different portions allotted for +different purposes. He had the ox feet and the tripe for his +perquisites. This was all done where I attended to the vegetables. + +How often I wished I were back again amongst the bakers. I liked that +better. In my anguish I often gave vent to my feeling in sobs and moans +when nobody could see. I could not write, but could only make symbols +that had no meaning to me. They were only strokes and crooks. I saw +nobody from Slamannan, and no one there knew where I was for the first +six months. I got no wages, but the mistress obtained for me some little +changes of garment, for which I was thankful. I did not see the mistress +very often. She kept a woman as manager, and I thought she was the most +awful woman I had ever seen. She used to take snuff. I never went to see +Mrs. Stirling, being afraid of the thronged streets, but I learned that +she was a little better, and had gone away for some months. So I +thought the best thing I could do was to stop where I was till someone +came whom I knew. There were always such a lot of people coming in and +out, for although there was a framed card in the large window, stating +that it was a "steak-house," there were all sorts of soups and roasts, +with pies, and frequently gentlemen would order large suppers for their +friends, sometimes on the premises, and at others to be sent to their +flats or rooms, as the case might be. + +On a busy day I got to be helpful, and went into the rooms to assist the +waiters. The day that Sir Colin Campbell was made Lord Clyde was the +first time that I helped inside. That was a day never to be forgotten. +We all tried to see him in an open carriage as he was driven to the Town +Hall to receive the freedom of the city. I saw him going and coming +back. The streets were something to remember. It was stated that many +were carried out of their way, and did not get their feet to the ground +for ever so far. + +I had been at this place for a year and some months when one day I was +sent a message, I heard someone say, "That is Anna McDonald." To my joy, +I saw two young men from Slamannan. I knew them at once. One was James +Simson, and the other William Robinson. I could only ask them to come in +and tell me if my father, sister, and brother were alive. They told me +that I had been given up as lost or dead, and that all the old +pit-shafts had been searched for my body. Still, through my +disappearance and the shock it gave him, my father had become a sober +man, and had entirely given up the drink. They never thought I had found +my way to Glasgow. + +Both of them said together, "Your sister is in Glasgow to-day. We saw +her." I just stood rigid and helpless till one of them set out to find +her, and the other stopped with me until she was brought to me. Not a +sound could pass my lips. We kissed and looked at each other. She had +grown, and so had I. There was now no home, she told me. My father and +brother were in lodgings and my sister still remained at farm service. I +got permission for my sister to stay with me all night. She told me that +she had been in Glasgow two or three times before to see if she could +find me. + +The young men went back to Slamannan that night and told my father where +I was, and a little while after my sister left, my father and my dear +little brother arrived. That was the first time I saw my brother in +pants. My father looked so different and so young-looking and well. I +had no wish to go to Slamannan to live, so that was settled. I was still +hoping to go and live with Mrs. Stirling when I would be a little bigger +and stronger. + +I was very troubled about my throat, for I could hardly speak without an +effort, it being very painful. + + + + +I CHANGE MY OCCUPATION. + + +A change came that I did not expect. One day a lady came in for some +refreshments, and I was in attendance. She knew us, and she saw that I +was not looking as well as my sister. She asked if I would come with her +and help her with her children. Her husband was a contractor, and +undertook railway works. With his partners he had a contract to build a +railroad from Maybole to Wilmington, in Ayrshire. Wilmingtonn was close +to "the banks and braes of bonny Doon." As some nice houses were on the +route of the line, and would have to be pulled down, he lived at +different places till the five and twenty miles of line was finished. I +thought it would be nice to see once again the green fields and flowers, +so I promised to go to Mrs. Scott. She had been a servant lass herself +once, but she had a good husband and they were comfortable. She was then +on her way to one of the houses near Maybole, which had to be pulled +down. + +I had two more months of my time to serve, as I had agreed to stop for +six months with Mrs. Wilson, and they did not like to part with me, but +I would not agree to stop on after the term. I was to get as wages 30/ +for the six months. We could not give a week's notice and leave. + +To give some idea of how this kind of business paid, I may say that Mrs. +Wilson had a summer-house in a place at the seaside, "doon the water," +as it was termed. The name of the place was "Killmunn." Another girl and +myself were sent there to get some of the rooms in order, the youngest +daughter, Miss Jane, being ill, and the doctor having recommended that +she should be sent to the seaside. It was a good distance from Glasgow. +We went in the steamboat "Iona," and saw Balmoral Castle as we passed. +Mrs. Wilson's house had 40 rooms altogether. It was a beautiful place +and very interesting with its house-boat and other conveniences. There +was some lovely furniture, but it was all covered up with holland, and +all the carpets had been taken up and carefully put away. The mistress +and the young lady came two days after us, and they said that I would be +able to do all that they would require for a week or two, so the other +girl went back to Glasgow. Life was then brighter than it had been since +I left Benny Hill. It was a new experience to me to see the ships +passing. Many persons had their summer-houses there, and were beginning +to arrive. I was sent up to Glasgow with some message all by myself, but +it was pleasant, and I was not a bit afraid. A man and his wife acted as +caretakers during the winter months. They were very old, but still +useful. I used to go out with Miss Jane to carry her books and other +things, and I watched the excursions or pleasure trips up and down to +Killmunn. There were villas and what were called "self-contained" +houses, let whole or in part, with sometimes "a but and a ben," which +were filled to overflowing. All faced the sea and were close to the very +water's edge, and so were nicely suited for summer visitors. What with +the yachts and skiffs and the glad voices of the mothers and their +children on the beach the place was very merry. There was nice shade +from the trees. I did not think the five weeks we stayed there a long +time. We returned to Glasgow a week or so before the end of my term. + +I saw Mrs. Scott again, and she told me that if I would stay with them +till the railway was finished that they were going back to Slamannan, +and I could go with them. So she gave me the address to put on my box +and the money to pay my fare to Maybole. I went through to Slamannan to +tell where I was going, and with whom. I had hoped when Mr. and Mrs. +Scott came back that my father would have a house, and that I would live +at home. He was still in lodgings, but I knew that I could stop there +for a few days. It seemed like "auld lang syne" to me. And those dear +kind women, how pleased they were to see me, and to tell me how I had +grown! How different their speech, too, to the dialect of Glasgow! They +said it was a long journey to Ayrshire, and tried to persuade me not to +go. However, I liked the appearance of Mrs. Scott. She looked so +motherly and kind. I was all excitement; I would have to go to Glasgow +again, but I knew that I could get a train from the station at Glasgow +right through to Kilmarnock, and change for Maybole, where they would be +waiting for me. I went and saw my sister, who was still at the same +place. I thought whatever I had to do I would never be a farm servant. +It was rough and hard feeding and milking cows, attending fowls and +horses and other animals. Sometimes she would harness a horse and go +harrowing in the field after the men had ploughed it. + +I took my departure from Benny Hill, caught the train in the early +morning, but had to wait till the afternoon, as I missed the train in +the forenoon. I got a third-class ticket for 3/3 for 35 miles. I had a +whole compartment to myself for the last part of the way, and went to +sleep and did not hear them calling out to change at Kilmarnock for +Maybole. I woke up and came out at the next station and asked where I +was, when a guard told me I was in a train on its way to London. Then I +cried, and asked for my box, and the man looked in the van, but there +was no box of mine. He asked if it was addressed, and I said it was. He +then remembered that it had been sent on to Maybole, and he said I +should have had an address put on me too, as then I should be +comfortably in my bed. It was then midnight. Some more men gathered +round, and they were sorry, for me. They did not often see such a young +girl so far away from home. They took me into the station, where a nice +fire was burning, and obtained some rugs and brought me a cup of coffee +and some bread and butter. Then they told me to go to sleep, as a train +would be coming from London in the morning, and they would wake me up. I +did not sleep, but cried all the time, for I thought I had lost all my +clothes and my box. It was the first box I ever had, and I was so +pleased with it. I did not look at the name of the station I had +reached, as it was dark, but it must have been a long way, as I did not +get to Maybole till about 8 o'clock in the morning. I found my box was +there, and the people were anxious as to where I was. Mr. Scott made +enquiries, and the railway men said that they saw a little girl asleep, +but they thought I was with someone who was travelling by the train. +They never thought of me as a lone passenger. + +I felt quite at home with Mrs. Scott and the dear children. It was my +first experience amongst children, and I was delighted. We got into the +trucks that were used on the line, and got pushed along as far as the +line was made. Mr. Scott and Mrs. Scott also came sometimes. It was +great fun. We nearly lived out of doors all the time. It was a grand +house, but had to be pulled down, so there was not much trouble taken +over it. I was very happy at changing from work by stifling gaslight to +the light of day. A daily governess came a few hours to teach the +children, and I also had lessons with them. It was a new life for me. + +I never heard Maybole called either a village or a town. It was only +"Maybole." It was close to the house; it must have been very old. The +buildings looked so gloomy and dark. There were no bright gardens or +flowers, and, oh, the people were so poor! The only industry I saw was +that of the weavers. The people all had looms in their houses--big, +clumsy wooden structures. Men, women, and children all worked at the +looms in such small places, and they lived and slept there. To me it +seemed as bad as the collieries. There came a depression in the weaving +trade, but I never knew the cause of it. It might have been that +machinery was constructed to do away with hand-weaving. At any rate, I +had once again the awful dread of seeing people perish with hunger. They +broke out and took everything they could obtain in the way of eatables, +while they tore off the palings and fencing, and armed themselves with +sticks. They came to our place, and we could only stand and look at them +divide the flour. I remember we had what was known as the American +flour. It came in large barrels from the United States. Mr. Scott was up +the line when they came, and they took everything in the way of food, +but nothing else. They broke into the bakers' shops, and the grocery +shops, and butchers', so we were told, and cleared away with all they +could lay their hands on. + +I did not see much of Maybole, being afraid to go there. There were no +tall chimneys to the mills or factories, or we could have seen them from +the house. I saw the castle from which Sir James Fergusson brought his +wife, Lady Edith Fergusson, who died in Adelaide, whence her body was +taken back to the vault at the castle, near "Maybole." Meanwhile we +tried to be ignorant of the excitement stirred up, as we knew we would +not be long there, but the touch of melancholy was felt by all. + + + + +THE COUNTRY OF BURNS. + + +This was the land of Burns, and the district of Ayrshire. It seemed to +be a large, plain, open country. The town of Ayr had a castle once, and +the walks about Ayr were pleasant. I did like to go there. There were +some old buildings, which people come from all parts to see. Churches +are still preserved there as ruins traditionally famous. + +There was no smoke and dust in Ayr, as at Glasgow, and visitors could +get easily to any of the places of attraction, either by train or +steamboat. Ayr was nine miles from Maybole. Mrs. Scott was most ardent +in every object about Burns, and she took us with her wherever she went. +On one occasion, when at Ayr, we had luncheon at a tavern, the name of +which I forget, but we were shown three such queer-looking old chairs, +with high backs, and in the back of each were portraits. In the middle +was Robert Burns, and on either side was Tam o' Shanter and Suter +Johnnie. The chairs were only for show. They told us that those three +jolly men used to meet in that room, and sit in the chairs. Girl-like, I +did not pay much attention then, but in after years, as I grew older, it +gave me joy to think I had seen them. The influences of those times +entered into my being, and have grown up with me. For myself, I made it +a rule to visit all the objects of interest, and I would go round and +round them till I was tired. We all went another day to see Burns' +monument. I gathered a few pebbles from the foot of the monument and had +them for years. They are lost, but the journey lives in my recollection +as if it was only yesterday. I saw a very old lady walking about and +talking to the people. She had on what was known as a sow-backed mutch. +Mrs. Scott told us that was the youngest sister of Robert Burns. Her +name was Mrs. Back. I read the account of her death in the paper some +years afterwards. Then we went to see the Burns' cottage. And, again, on +my own account I visited it, and took all the children with me, from +where they were building the railway. + +We were in the waggon with Mr. Scott and some other gentlemen. I heard +them say, "That is Burns' cottage over there," and when they were not +looking I started off for the cottage. It must have been quite three +miles, and I had to carry the youngest child on my back all the way to +and from the place. Mr. Scott was cross, and gave me a severe talking +to, and told me if ever I did such a thing again I would not be allowed +to come out in the waggon. It was cold weather. Little maids were +dressed then in a print dress with short sleeves, low at the neck, and +opened at the back. I was cold, and so were the children, and we kept +them waiting so that they could not go back in the waggon without us. +The gentlemen were either engineers or directors, for they had on tall +hats. At least they were in position over Mr. Scott. They came from +Glasgow to look at the new line. + +There were a lot of navvies working, and they had little tents all along +the line. Anyhow, I saw the cottage where Burns was born on two +different occasions. I saw both the outside and the inside. It was not a +grand place to look at, but merely a whitewashed wee house. To think +that a man born there would have a monument like what I saw made me +think of my earlier years. I can yet remember the names of the places in +passing to and from the place. + +Ayrshire has plenty of rivers, and on the Clyde years afterwards I saw +where it began just a little burn. It was pointed out to me while I was +in the train travelling from London to Glasgow. But I must keep to the +far-away times. Ayrshire is divided into districts, and what always +perplexed me was when a neighborhood was called a burgh. I liked the +parts, such as the rough high hills and the Ailsa Craig, which you could +see from a long way off. + + + + +I GO TO A NEW PLACE. + + +The winter came in and we had to keep in doors, but the line was getting +near to an end. Mr. Scott got another contract on the Dumfries line, so +I was to go back to Slamannan, but Mrs. Scott said she would be going +through for a trip and I could go with her. Before the time came for us +to go a friend of Mr. Scott's came on a visit from Grangemouth, near +Falkirk. She was about to be married to a gentleman living at the +railway terminus at Dalmellington. This was her second husband, although +she was quite young. She and Mrs. Scott thought I would do nicely for +her little maid. She had a little boy, whom she hoped to have with her. +Mrs. Scott knew my home troubles. They asked me if I would go to +Dalmellington with her when she got married. I liked the lady and I said +I would go with her, or, at least, she was to come for me. It was agreed +that when she went to Falkirk that I would go with her. So she came for +me. The name of the gentleman she married was Mr. Macblean, and he kept +the new Railway Tavern. It was all taverns, or inns, then, and seldom +you saw a hotel. Neither Mrs. Macblean nor myself had anything to do +with the drink traffic, for which I was thankful. Before I left Maybole +we all went to have something woven by those poor weavers. I chose the +colors I would like, and saw them put into the loom. I had that skirt in +Adelaide as a reminiscence of that time of mixed feelings. Mrs. Scott +also knew the housekeeper at the Earl of Cathcart's, on the banks of the +Doon. I thought I would try any of the places rather than go to +Slamannan, or stop at Maybole after Mr. and Mrs. Scott had gone. I did +not seem to fear the people. I knew that I would have to go amongst +strangers wherever I went. So it was all the same to me. + +I never regretted going with Mrs. Macblean, but, young as I was, I +think I was right in my idea that she regretted having married a +tavern-keeper. He was very unwilling to have her little son taken there, +as he did not want the people to know that he had married a widow. I +know she was not very happy, although he seemed a nice man. She had +every comfort, but she did long to see her son. I was beginning to want +to see my friends, and I missed the children, who were with me at Mrs. +Scott's, and the out-of-doors life in the waggons. I had agreed to stay +for six months, so I was made useful in the house. There was a big maid +as well, but I kept with Mrs. Macblean for the most part. She was a +stranger, and, as I knew no one there, we often went for long walks +together. The place was delightful, and the absence of poverty a relief. +I could see as the weeks went on that if her little boy was not allowed +to come I would not be wanted there. The next week Mr. and Mrs. Scott +and children came to stop at the tavern for a few weeks, and that was a +great joy to me. They took me everywhere they went, while the children +were affectionate and pleased to see me again. + +Then for the first time I saw that beautiful locality "the banks and +braes o' bonnie Doon," which was about two miles or so from +Dalmellington. The road was good, and there was pasture land, with +plenty of cattle and sheep, and high knolls covered with grass and the +sheep on top. The Loch Doon is said to be seven miles long and seven +miles wide. It flows to the sea near to Ayr, and it is "banks and +braes" all the way. I have often tried to tell my first impression. But +this is the first time I have written about it. I know I cannot say +much. There were two paths, one was close to the water and the other on +top of the hills. The Earl of Cathcart's seat was most romantic. He was +noted for his love of hounds and huntsmen. He kept stags and deer there. +They would look at you and rush up the rugged height and get caught in +the bushes with their wonderful horns. There were trees growing all the +way up the side of the bank, so that on the top walk you could put up +your hand and pull off nuts from such tall trees. I did not go to the +top walk that day. But again and again I found myself on the braes of +Doon. + +Mrs. Scott went to see the housekeeper at the earl's, and took the +children and me. I thought it was the lady countess. She was dressed in +black satin, with a lovely lace cap and white hair. She went to that +family when she was a girl about my age. The place looked magnificent, +and I learnt afterwards that 20 men were employed to look after the +stags and horses and hounds. There was a page boy and ladies' maid, but +no children. The ladies went also to the hunt, and I used to go and see +them. The earl and countess only came there for the hunting season. It +made me think of the colliers in Slamannan and the weavers in Maybole, +and to wonder. There was a lot of queer talk about the earl. We had a +peep into the kitchen, and never shall I forget it. There were men cooks +and women cooks. The men always went wherever the earl went. + +Loch Doon was a favorite excursion, and for the fishing season some +noblemen would come there and have tents erected with men-servants in +attendance. The loch is famed for the trout and salmon, and is a good +place for fishing for those who are allowed to catch them. Both coal and +ironstone are found in many places in Ayrshire. + +At Dalmellington there was a large ironworks, where they smelted the ore +into iron, and whence they sent it to all parts of Britain for making +railway iron. They put the ore in a great blasting furnace. Then they +made beds of sand all around to receive the melted iron in moulds while +it was hot. It was generally well known when this iron would be let out +of the furnace and the people would rush to see it and to watch the men +gauging that red hot melted iron, so that it would run in to the moulds. +It seemed awful. It was said those men never lived long, and no wonder, +seeing how they worked amidst that fluid. I only went once, but we could +hear when the iron was cast off. It always made me shudder. + +The tavern was not far from the railway-station, and on the road leading +to Loch Doon. Mr. Macblean seemed to do well. Some refreshments were +also obtainable, and there were a few rooms to let. After the Scotts +went away I felt lonely. Sometimes I saw a drunken man, and on the +Saturday nights such a lot would be about. Both Mrs. Macblean and I +would shut ourselves in a dark room and cry. I knew that I was a long +way from where my sister and brother were. If I could have seen them +sometimes it would have been something to look forward to. Mrs. Macblean +could not see her way to leave her husband and home for a week or so. We +talked the matter over, and it was arranged I should go. I knew +Grangemouth was close to Falkirk. I could go thence for a week's leave +and see my friends and take some things to Mrs. Macblean's boy, she +paying for my return ticket to Glasgow. I had some nice new clothing and +was growing tall. I thought for 14 years of age I had seen the serious +side of life and some of its vicissitudes, and had gained experience +from my trials. I felt happy to go back, and I knew the places. I was +not likely to get lost on the Caledonia and Glasgow line. I could write +a little, but I did not let them know I was coming home. I thought I +would take them by surprise. What wonderful possibilities lie in store +for the young! + +I was glad to find that my father kept from the drink, and my dear +brother, how he had grown! I did not see my sister for a day or two, as +she had gone to a place further away. My brother came with me the next +day, and we walked all the way to Grangemouth. It was a shipping port, +with good-sized vessels lying at the quays. We had no trouble in finding +the house of Mrs. Macblean's mother. Although close to the dock, it had +a nice appearance. They knew by letter that I was coming, but they did +not know on what day during my week's leave. I shall never forget the +dear little son of my mistress. He was five years old. He wanted to be +taken to his mamma. They were gracious and kind to my brother and me. I +have seen many shipping places since then, but none so clean-looking as +Grangemouth. They wished to keep us for the night, but we walked back to +Slamannan that night. It was late, but we were not afraid. It was eight +miles there and eight miles back. That made it sixteen to walk in one +day, so we were tired the next day. I am quite sure that on some of the +other days we walked just as far. I know that we went to Linlithgow to +see someone we knew. We went all along the railway line and it was a +long way, but we had no money to pay for train fare. It must have been +more than nine miles there and nine miles back. From Slamannan the +youngsters would think nothing of walking to Castle Carrey, a wood where +a queer-looking berry grew wild. It was called a blea berry, and grew on +short stems low down, not bunchy. The people used to send their children +there in the season to pick those berries and make jam with them. They +had to take a can or a jar to carry them. The juice of the berry was in +itself a perfect dye, and it was amusing to see the hands and lips and +teeth of those who picked or eat the berries. My brother and myself +went, and our teeth were soon black like coals with juice. In Scotland +we did not know anything about snakes. At that date I had never heard of +them, so we could wander about without fear in the woods. + +My week soon came to an end, and I returned to Dalmellington. I did not +like being so far away, so when I got to Glasgow I saw Mrs. Stirling. +For her home she wanted someone who could do everything in a house. She +thought I would be too young to be left when she went away. However, if +I wanted to come to Glasgow she promised to do what she could for me, +and then I would be nearer to my friends. It cheered me to know that. I +had still three months to stop with Mrs. Macblean. I was taught to work +and be handy and tidy, but I did not like the idea of being in a tavern. +Mrs. Stirling advised me not to engage for another term, but to go to +Colonel Cathcart's, if I wished to live in Ayrshire. I had no fault to +find with Mr. or Mrs. Macblean. They were kind and good to me. + +The warm, bright weather continued nearly all the time. Mrs. Macblean +and I had long walks all round in the evenings. If anyone was met whom +she knew there was only a brief, respectful salutation and she passed +on. I am quite sure she was a lady, and she was beautiful. + +We had no garden, not so much as a pot-plant about the place, but close +to the end of the house a good, wide burn ran under an important looking +bridge, or, as they were called, "brig." It was wide enough for two +large vehicles to pass. The roads were splendid, but the buildings were +strange. They must have been very old, and were built here and there +along the roadside. Sometimes the end of the house would face the +street, and often the side or back of the house would be next the road. +Mrs. Macblean called my attention to them, or I would not have heeded +them. The place had no pretence to the rank of a town, yet it was not +called a village. There were two churches and a school. I took notice +that, even if it were a tavern, the minister came and asked the lady to +let me come to the Sunday-school, and I went to church with Mrs. +Macblean. I never went to Sunday-school or Bible-class all the time I +was in Glasgow. + +What with being healthy and strong, I began to take a bright and hopeful +view of life from every point. I could write a little, and was fond of +reading and knitting. It was merry and lively. There was a large room +upstairs, where one evening every week meetings were held of some lodge. +No women went to meetings of that kind in those days, but the men seemed +to enjoy themselves. You could tell that by their laugh and song. There +was always something to make one laugh. We had a gentleman up to stop +for a few days. There was a gate which opened on some steps to go down +to the water of the burn. We used it for some household purposes, but, +as in Slamannan, the water for cooking had to be carried from the +springs. One evening the gentleman opened the gate, thinking he was +going into a garden, but he fell in the stream and was carried under the +bridge. Luckily, some men saw the accident, and rushed after him and got +him out of the water. He was nearly dead and the incident made a great +stir. He was ill for some time. There was a heavy rain once while I was +there, and it was something awful to see how the water swept along that +burn. The cattle were carried away too. I saw some sheep rolling away +under the bridge, and learned that cows were drowned also. The whole of +Dalmellington lay nicely on a flat surrounded by a group of hills and +valleys. After I had left I received a letter to say that a waterspout +had burst over the place, and that people had left their houses and had +taken their belongings to the tops of the mountains. A log of wood +floated into the end window of the tavern and all the rooms downstairs +were flooded. Some poor people, who lived in small houses, had their +rooms full of water. + +The autumn was passing, and I thought I would not like to be at this +place in the winter. I had really no one to care what I did with my life +or where I lived. There were no Christian friendly societies for young +girls at that time. I felt the want of sympathy and approval in what I +did. I saw the housekeeper at Colonel Cathcart's, and hoped when I was a +grown woman to return there. I was old enough to admire the lovely +scenery, but not old enough to disbelieve in witches and warlocks and +fairies. Ayrshire is so full of glens and caves that I expected to see +natural wonders, and not the work of man, for the imagination runs riot +at times. + +Gipsies I saw in plenty, and was afraid of them. They did not live in +houses, but only in the wood; quite large numbers of them all together, +and there were children, young girls, and youths who had never lived in +a house. They came and went at will, and nobody seemed to take any +notice of them. They were travelling tinkers. They made tinware, and +sold it as they went through. The older women would come about to tell +fortunes, and they would steal fowls or anything else they could lay +hands on. The farmers always lost sheep and lambs when the gipsies were +about, while one heard tales of them stealing away children of the +high-class people. + + + + +I LEAVE AYRSHIRE. + + +It was the end of October when I left Ayrshire, and Mrs. Macblean's son +had not come. I know she was grieving acutely about him. I promised that +I would go and see him again when I returned to my own people. I found +myself in Glasgow, and left my box at the station, and paid a penny for +a ticket, for which they agreed to keep my box till I came for it. I saw +Mrs. Stirling, and stopped there all night, and read the paper with a +long column of advertisements for all sorts of working-girls. One, she +thought, I might enquire about. It was from a lady and gentleman at No. +5, Florence-place, who wanted a young country girl, who must be useful. +So I went. I found it was a furnished flat in a stylish part of the +city. I told the lady that I had come from Dalmellington the day before, +and that Mrs. Stirling would speak for me. I was engaged to come that +evening. They only intended to stay in Glasgow for three months, but I +thought I could get something else at the end of that time. They seemed +rich people, but were in trouble. Their name was Skirven. They had one +daughter at home. I was not long there before I learned that it was +through another daughter that they came from their home in Fifeshire. +The youngest daughter, while going to boarding-school, fell in love with +a young medical student. She ran away with him and got married, and came +to Glasgow. He was a Roman Catholic and an Irishman, while her parents +were Scotch. As they were married by a Catholic priest, Mr. Skirven said +it was no marriage. That is what brought him to Glasgow. He came to find +those two runaways, and to make them get married again in their church. +Mr. Skirven had his gun loaded to shoot the young doctor if he objected. +His name was Dr. Reily. They found the young lady and took her to +Florence-place, and the doctor was not allowed to come near her. It +seemed so sad. She was a pretty little lady, and so young. A strict +watch was kept on her, and she saw nobody. She soon found that she could +trust me with a letter, and many times a letter came for her in my name +from the husband. I even saw him, and brought messages to her from him. +He was waiting for his diploma, and he had a good practice in view. Then +he intended to show that they could not keep his wife from him. It was +my first experience of the fact that love can destroy happiness. + +I never knew how matters were fixed up, but the old folks went back to +Fife, and I got another place as under-nurse with Dr. Fargus, in +Elmbank-street, off Sauchihall-street, Glasgow, close to where I had +been living. Dr. Fargus was eminent in his profession as a medical man, +and of great distinction. And his wife--How can I write about that +gentle lady? It was a Christian home, and well appointed. The nurse had +been with them ever since they had got married, and there were three +children. It was a large, new house, four storeys high, with everything +up to date, and so convenient. There was no carrying water, for both hot +and cold water were in all the rooms, and there were bathrooms right up +to the top, where the nurseries were. The lady's mother had died a week +before I went there. There were other servants, and we all had +mourning, a dressmaker being in the house. I had a black-and-white +print, and a black stuff dress, with a cape and hat to match, because I +had to go out so much with the children and the nurses. We were well +looked after, both as regards our bedrooms and our food. And there was a +whole pew for us in a church in Cudoging-street, not far from the Clyde. +They had a summer residence, about seven miles from Glasgow, and a man +and his wife to keep it always ready for them. The children were all +small, and if the doctor thought they wanted a change, the nurse and I +very often went to this old castle, some of which was in ruins, but +there was plenty of room for us and lovely grounds for us to romp about +in. The lady would come sometimes and stop for a few days. The locality +was Eastkillbride. There was no railway. On the way we passed through +the very old towns of Rutherglen and Hamilton. All along near at hand I +could see the coal-pits, like Slamannan. But there were none at +Eastkillbride. The doctor would sometimes bring his wife in his +carriage, or in the omnibus, the only way of conveying passengers to +that part. She was kind to the poor and the sick. There were no district +nurses heard of then. Every day she took some broths and dainties to +those who needed them. One poor woman appealed to me. She was in bed for +seven years with rheumatism. She had the use partly of the right hand +and that was all. I often went when I could, and tried to do something +for Mrs. Kennedy. If Mrs. Fargus was not there the nurse looked after +her poor pensioners all the same. The houses were spread about with +quite a distance between. There was no interesting scenery, but only an +old ruin. + + + + +DR. DYKES, DR. GUTHRIE, AND DR. MACLEOD. + + +Close by there was a church with a manse. It seemed out of keeping with +all the rest of the place, for it looked new. It had an air of freshness +about it, and belonged to the Free Church of Scotland. The minister was +quite a young man and a friend of Mr. and Mrs. Fargus. He came much to +the house, and the children knew him, so that we often found him +rambling about with them. His housekeeper used to be his nurse when he +was a child. We went to the manse often. The minister was the Rev. Dr. +James Oswald Dykes, and he came out to Australia many years ago. The +church in Eastkillbride was his first appointment. His fame as a +preacher and a good man spread all about. The way he filled that church +with the scattered people was wonderful. He would go miles and miles +after parishioners. He had a persuasiveness in his preaching, although +it was homely and plain. I went to the Bible-class, and he explained +things to me of which I was formerly ignorant. After months of +catechising I became a member of the Free Church of Scotland. It gave me +thoughts which enabled me to resolve to do the common things I had to do +well, and to be happy in doing what was right. + +I was in the manse one night with Mrs. Clark, his housekeeper, when he +came in all wet and muddy. He had found a man and woman living together +who were not married. The man was ill end likely to die, and he thought +the children would be guarded from some threatening injury if the father +and mother were married. The man, however, did not care what became of +woman or children. He turned his face to the wall, and for a long time +would not listen to the minister, but Dr. Dykes got him face-to-face +with the woman and a witness, and married them while the man was still +in bed. Dr. Dykes was very upset about this event. Happily, in Scotland +such things are rare. + +One of the maids had not been well, and Mrs. Fargus thought I might do +for the house in town for a week or so, so as to let Elsie come to +Killbride. The climate there was mild and healthy. The doctor arranged +to dine out, so I had only to get breakfast for him and take any +messages and write them on a slate. By this time I knew how to do many +things neatly. The lady would come and go to see how I got on. She had +not been long in one afternoon when a fearful ring came at the door. I +opened it, but could see nobody. I went away, but the bell rang again. I +looked over the other side of the street and saw a tattered looking +sailor. He came over and asked if Elsie was in. I answered in the +negative. He could hardly speak. The lady came to see what was the +matter; he told her who he was. She told me to take him downstairs and +get him something to eat. Then she told me that he was Elsie's +sweetheart, and that Elsie had heard that he was wrecked and drowned +four years before. She went in mourning for him. The ship in which he +had arrived within half an hour before had also been reported a wreck. +There was such excitement. Mrs. Fargus wrote to Elsie to look out for +her lost lover the next day. His ship was at the Broomilaw, whence they +had sailed long ago. The man had come back well off, but he was brown +and rough. The next day he had other clothes and his whiskers were +trimmed. Elsie had been with Mrs. Fargus for a long time, so Mrs. Fargus +said that she would like her to get married there. The date was settled, +and the Rev. Dr. Oswald Dykes was to perform the marriage ceremony. We +had plenty to talk about, for it was the first wedding for me to see. +Elsie came to town, and I went back to Eastkillbride. + +Mrs. Fargus was skilled in botany and the natural history of insects as +well as plants. She had a museum full of all sorts of things. While at +Killbride she would take me with her to carry her things, and talk to me +so nicely all the time. We went down deep dells and to all the +out-of-the-way places hunting for specimens. One day, in a deep dell, +she found a gooseberry bush, with large gooseberries on it quite green, +although the season for the berry was over. She sat down and explained +why that berry was not ripe. She said the sun had not shed its rays on +that bush, as it was far down in the dell. Some birds had dropped the +berry, and it grew into a bush, but the fruit would always be green and +sour. She compared this with some poor people whom we visited. They were +hard and sour, and she thought if their environment were more bright +they would not be so sour. She meant spiritually and temporarily. It was +new to me to listen to so grand a lady. She would get us all in her +beautiful room and kneel down and pray and read with us. God's best +blessing rest on her if she is living, or on her memory if she is dead. + +It was drawing near time to go back to town, and there was Elsie's +wedding to look forward to. It was a common occurrence to let the +servants have a party two or three times a year. We had had one already, +and the wedding was to be the next. We were to have games and dancing, +and Elsie was to be married in the best drawing-room, upstairs. By this +time I had seen the sailor many times and many of his relations. His +home was in Dundee. The Rev. Dr. Oswald Dykes had received a call to go +to a grand church in Edinburgh, but he agreed to come for the wedding. I +was passionately fond of dancing, and I knew that we were to have +dancing, but I thought, being a member of the church, I must not dance +any more. I met Dr. Dykes in the corridor and asked him if I could dance +at Elsie's wedding. He said--"Yes; by all means. Those who can dance, +let them dance, and those who want to play games, let them play." Then +he showed me how dancing could be made both wrong and sinful, if we went +to objectionable places to gratify the pleasure of dancing. How little +did I think that in so short a time I would be out here all alone, +without any of this moral directing power to act upon. + +So the wedding night came. Elsie looked lovely, and the sailor looked +splendid. He had some trouble to get off his white kid gloves. Mr. and +Mrs. Fargus, and also some of their friends, were present. The cake was +cut in the drawing-room, and then brought down to the hall, where the +supper was laid, and all the place was filled with plants and bunting. +We kept the gaiety up all night. In the middle of the fun our master and +mistress and the minister came to have a look at us. The minister said +if he could dance he would have a dance with the bride, just to show +that it was good recreation. Elsie had some lovely presents. The master +gave her a kitchen range, while the mistress gave her a chest of +drawers and a dressing-table and washstand. She had something from all. +The servants from all round were kind, and we spent a good time. + +After Elsie went away the nurse took the children to her own home, which +she often did. They were too young for instruction, and only childish +books were read for them. There were two boys and one girl, the girl +being the oldest. I shall say more about them later on. + +I found where the Dr. and Mrs. Reily lived, and saw them. They were well +and happy. Mrs. Stirling was not in good health in Glasgow, so she was +often away. I was happy anyhow, and hoped for courage to face the life +that lay before me. I had a holiday, and went to Slamannan, and learned +that my sister was to be married very soon, so the dresses I had for +Elsie's wedding would just do. It was at New Year's time, and I was the +bridesmaid. They were married at the Old Established Church of Scotland, +and in the evening the snow was falling, and thick on the ground. I felt +glad for my sister's sake. It was not much of a prospect, but they were +young. My brother was my whole care; I did not know what my father was +going to do with him. He was growing up and learning nothing. Father +kept off the drink, and we all the time thought that some news would +come to us from our relatives who had gone to "America." These were +uncles and aunts; we had no grandparent living. For myself, I knew that +I had to work hard for everything I got; but I could not see how to help +my dear brother. I was afraid that my father would take him down into +the pits to work. If only my mother had lived she would have put him to +some useful pursuit. I suppose the mind seeks something upon which the +emotions may grow as we get older. One thing I was nearer than if I had +stopped in Ayrshire. I could do some things for him. There seemed no +"self-help" for him. + +I got back to my work again, feeling inspired with the idea that I would +try and get my brother to Glasgow also. At Dr. Fargus' the Sundays were +properly observed. We set aside toil for that day and were not allowed +to do anything that could be avoided. Our own clothing had to be laid +all ready to put on. The dinner was cooked the day before. Such peaceful +days I have never had since. We went to the Rev. A. N. Sommervil's +Church. It was near to the shipping part of the city, and the church and +congregation were large. Other ministers would come some times. Dr. +Guthrie came from Edinburgh. He was a real friend to the servant girls, +and pleaded with the mistresses to be kind to their handmaids and see to +their general wellbeing and the cheerfulness of their surroundings. + +Dr. Thomas Guthrie was then a popular preacher. He started the ragged +school movement in Edinburgh, and his efforts to suppress vice and to +promote temperance made him a power on social questions. He used to +hold services in the open air and in barns, or wherever people would +come. While on his visits he found so many houses without a Bible or any +book at all. He often stood in rooms bare of furniture, where father and +mother and half-a-dozen children had to sleep, the destitution being all +through drink. The stories he told were sad and true. Wherever he +preached, there you would see the serving-maids and the persons of every +rank in life. He had a good voice, and would sometimes describe in his +sermon natural scenery, showing the wisdom of God, and that the earth is +full of beauty. We had Dr. Norman Macleod, who preached to the Queen +while she was at Balmoral. I could not follow his speeches like Dr. +Guthrie's, although he wrote books and was the editor of "Good Words" +and others, as well as a leading minister. + +The misery I suffered, by reason of seeing so much of human woe and want +and sin, made an old woman of me at the age of 16. I shall never forget +one Sunday after church I went with some other girls to see their +"district," if it could be called a district. In some instances there +were foul underground cellars, where the inmates never breathed the +fresh air. The children were covered with rags, and hunger reigned +everywhere. This afternoon a starved-looking boy had broken a street +lamp, and the policeman was taking him to the lock-up. One of the girls +knew him, and asked the man how much it would cost for the lamp. If 7/6 +could be found he said he would let the boy go. I told them to wait and +I would get the money. I went to my mistress and to my Bible-teacher and +to some others that I knew, and got the 7/6, and the boy was released, +or, at least, I thought so. We took the money to the boy's mother, and +told her to go to the office and get the boy back. That was on Monday +evening. I went to see on my own account if the boy had got back. It was +so dark that I could not find my way to the cellar. I went to a shop to +buy a candle to see the underground room. + +The man in the shop said, "Are you the youngster that found the 7/6 for +that awful woman that lives down in that cellar?" + +I said, "Yes." + +"Well," he said, "that woman has been drunk ever since. She did not go +for the boy, but has been quarrelsome and is making such a noise." + +To my view it was sad, but not singular. I went down to the cellar and +saw the sweetest and prettiest little girl I ever saw in my life +stretched on the floor sleeping. There was no mother or anyone else +there. I learned that the father was a sailor, and that was why. The +girl was eight years old. Oh, what a picture she was as she lay calm in +sleep, forgetful of her sorrows! + +The daughters of well-to-do farmers and mechanics went to service to +help themselves. There seemed no other way. Then through Elsie and the +nurse I got to know a number of nice girls. We could come and go to each +other. In different homes there were different rules. There was always +plenty to be done. I know the sanitary part of the work was a study at +the doctor's house. The furniture was mostly carved, and that meant some +polishing. Then the wide halls and bannisters must be kept free from +dust, while the fireplaces and the steel had to be kept bright. I was +not old enough to have charge, but I learned how the work was done. In +the winter it was hard, but I felt as if I were getting taught +everything. My mind was full of hope the more I knew. + +Unaware of what had happened, we went to church on a Sunday morning and +found it all draped in black. The news had come that very morning that +Prince Albert, the Queen's Consort, was dead. It cast a sadness over all +the place, as he had been in Glasgow not long before to lay the +foundation-stone of some public building. + + + + +ANOTHER NEW PLACE. + + +I had nothing to grumble about, but still the array of so much sorrow +among the people round me made me wonder what failure or success lay in +the future for me. Independence is so fondly sought after. Reluctantly, +and with a touch of uneasiness, I heard of a place that I thought I +would like. The lady was a friend of Mrs. Fargus, and the house was +close by, while a smaller girl than myself would do for Mrs. Fargus' +children. Then, too, I would have a little more wages. It was spoken of +between the two ladies, and I was engaged to go in six weeks, when my +term ended. Mrs. Mouncey was the name of the lady, and there were three +in family. Mr. Mouncey had been married twice, and had one grown-up +daughter by the first wife, with a son and daughter by the second +wife--a boy of eight and a girl of ten. It was not a large house, and +was on Victoria-terrace, facing the West-End park. From the windows +could be seen the pleasure ground of the city, with its shrubs and +monuments; that was its beauty spot. The West-End looked like the +country yet in a few minutes one could be in the Trongate or +Buchanan-street. I thought those two streets seemed the most busy, at +least, with fashionable folk. Mr. Mouncey was the editor of some +publication, and also wrote for some magazine. He seemed a man of +independent means. They did not live in a showy manner, but they +travelled a good deal. "You will have plenty of hard work," my fellow +mates used to say to me, but I thought I would extract some happiness +by coming to see them, and I would be gaining fresh experience. + +Before I went to my new place I had an excursion to Slamannan. Glasgow, +like all large cities, had its grievances and distresses in some of the +dark and destitute parts. I had seen a little of both sides of the +picture. I wondered at the goodness of those ladies, who went to the +squalid and neglected. One had only to read the newspapers to learn that +evil was not confined to the poor and degraded. Close to where I then +lived the daughter of people in high rank was arrested for giving her +lover poison. Her name was Madeliene Smith. So widespread was the +interest felt that people chipped bits of the stone window-sill, where +she passed the poison to him which caused his death. Her trial took +place in Edinburgh. "Not proven," was the Scotch verdict returned. I saw +a book with the whole account when I came to South Australia. I found +comfort in going to see my own friends. A whole week before going to Mr. +Mouncey's there was trouble in the air. A fresh gloom was over the +place, as war in America was threatened, and people were rushing back +from America as fast as the boats could bring them. In less than two +weeks one could get to America. + +We made the most of my holiday at home. I went once more to work. It was +a mixed kind of position to rely on, but I determined to do my best. I +found no difficulty; the mistress said, "Come along, my lass, you are +welcome." I had a comfortable bedroom, and everything was convenient. +The mistress undertook the care of providing and attending to the +cookery, that nothing should be lost by carelessness, and there was Miss +Mouncey with me to help to keep the house beautiful, and in a state of +cleanliness. I could go to the same church and see my friends at Dr. +Fargus'. I soon learned that Miss Mouncey was looked on as a rich woman, +and that her mother's money would come to her. She had a mind of her +own, and did not intend to marry. I think the condition of the homeless +and uncared-for children was her special care. She would come and sit +with me and tell me about the wretched little urchins she found amid +dirt and disease, while the parents of the poor creatures were drinking. +I confess many things seemed to me hopeless. It was depressing to hear +of evil about everywhere I went. Mind and memory in moments of solitude +tell me still how much I owe to the impression and influence of that sad +time. In after years, when one or another would say what happy times +they had when they were young, I thought "no, I would not like to be +young again if this is all." I could not shut out of mind the long years +that lay before me in that far-away time. In the present, all the world +is behind me, and what does it matter? + +Such a lot of people came to see Mr. Mouncey. Some wished to see Miss +Mouncey particularly, and some she wanted to avoid. She only laughed. +She was 22 years of age, fair, and accomplished, without a touch of +vanity, and with the sweet name of Mary. The youngest child went to +school. They liked to tell me of the good times we would have when we +went to the Island of Arran, where they spent the summer months. We had +family worship night and morning. By that time reading was no effort to +me. I could read writing and write a little, with the aid of Miss +Mouncey. + +I brought a canary songbird from Slamannan to Mrs. Reily. I had no cage, +but I had a strong paper-bag, and cut some tiny holes in it for air. I +knew she had a cage, so I went one evening to see her and to learn how +the bird was getting on. The doctor opened the door, and did not speak. +He led me into a room, and there, in a coffin, lay Mrs. Reily. I flung +myself on my knees beside her and cried bitterly. The doctor stood by +and said, "Weep, girl, weep, for that is the first tear I have seen shed +for my wife." He told me that her father, mother, and sister had come +only to see what of her jewellery they could take and then they went +away. He sent for the nurse, and I saw a little baby girl, which he said +was all he had left. He had a good practice, and was growing rich, and, +as he stood there with bent head, he looked sad and cheerless, but young +and handsome. Such is the inevitable! I saw the little bird that I gave +her; it was hanging in the window of the same room. My heart was full of +compassion, as I remembered the beautiful face of that young wife. She +was only 20 years of age. All must have courage to submit to their own +destiny. + + + + +ABRAHAM LINCOLN. + + +Preparations for going away for the summer were hurried on, and there +seemed more visitors than usual. I was pleased at the idea of going to +the Island of Arran, which had many attractions for visitors, I longed +to see the place, having heard so much about its hills and mountains. +Miss Heslip, a young friend of Miss Mouncey's, was with them for the +summer. From that day things were pleasing and mirthful. One evening, +while I was passing the cake-basket in the drawing-room, I held the cake +to a tall and dark gentleman. In place of taking some cake he took hold +of my hand and shook it warmly. I was not used to shaking hands with +people in the drawing-room. I felt so confused that I nearly let the +basket and cake fall. I could see that the act was noticed by the smiles +on the faces. I knew that Garibaldi was in the room, for I had seen him +there before, but who could this be? When Miss Mouncey came out I asked +her, and she told me I had shaken hands with a great man. He was the +President of America, Abraham Lincoln. She told me then that there was +going to be a civil war. I did not know what that was. + + + + +THE ISLE OF ARRAN. + + +It was so delightful to see Iona again. We left in the morning and +called at so many places. There seemed quite a crowd, and such beautiful +scenery. We arrived in the afternoon at Lamlash. There was someone to +take the luggage, and we walked by the sea. The name of the house was +Oakbank, and it was right on the top of a hill, with steps leading down +to the boating-house, and there we could see the house-boat. The boat +was called Oakbank, too. The house seemed small after Glasgow, with its +little green gate, but the people only wanted somewhere to sleep. We +lived outside, either on the water or on the mountains, there being +plenty of caves as well. It was the month of June. The people who +belonged to the house lived on the place in some way for the time. We +could get milk and butter and eggs and poultry from them, but all the +rest of the provisions came from the city, and the lovely fish they +could get themselves in plenty. What a different life for the people who +lived there when compared to that I had seen in the city. Whether they +took me with them or not I had very little to do, there being a lot of +people on the island known to each other. They would go off in the +morning and take provisions with them, and I would not see them again +till dark. Very often they took me as well. I could climb on my hands +and feet, and did not trouble if I rolled down, so long as the sea was +not immediately underneath me. How the people lived has often puzzled me +more since than it did at the time. + +It seemed that the whole, or nearly all, the island belonged to the Duke +of Hamilton, and he was said to be eccentric. He would not let people +make any alteration, but wished every place to remain in its wild state. +It was known that coal could be got there in any quantity, but they dare +not dig to get it. Some of the old people, with whom I liked to talk, +told me that they were born on the island, and had never been out of it, +even to cross the Clyde, and they hoped to die there. Only in +summertime, when visitors were there, they spoke in English. To each +other they spoke in Gaelic. The language was very strange to listen to, +and more so when they made blunders, for one must laugh. The church was +at Brodic, and it was quite two miles and a half to walk there. The +minister preached in the morning in Gaelic, and it was good to see the +old men and women coming over the hills to hear this Gaelic. I went one +Sunday with the people of the house to hear the preaching. The minister +was Mr. Davis, and he did look so cross, and railed at the dear +creatures, who had come six and seven miles to hear him. I used to like +to hear some of the old stories about the place. + +It interested me when they told me that the deep valleys we were then +passing would be filled up with snow in the winter months, and they +showed me places here and there where some poor shepherd had perished in +the snow, while he was looking for his sheep. They also said that for +many months in the year they could not go to see anyone, and no one +could come and see them because of the snow. There were no roads, but +only footpaths on top of the hill or at the bottom. On seeing the place +one could understand what it would be like after a heavy fall of snow. +Then it would roll down from the mountains. The habits of those people +were plain and without art. They let their houses in the summer, and +that brought them a little money. They had little patches of land on +which they grew flax and all sorts of things. It was rare to see a +ploughed field between Lamlash and Brodic. The Duke of Hamilton's palace +was at Brodic. It looked a grand place. He need not stop shut in it all +the winter, however, for he had other places. Then the people had to +make provision for the winter. They killed a sheep, and had it dried in +some way. I saw some of it. They called it braxxie. Then there was the +fish, also dried, in plenty. They made cheese and they had bacon. Those +who were too far back from the sea had to have stores inside their +homes. From Oakbank one could clear away the snow from the steps and get +to the ships in a small boat, but none of the steamers could come near, +although they would come as close as they dare in the rough weather. We +counted as many as fourteen one morning, after a stormy night. There +were all sorts, some being good-sized sailing vessels and yachts. + +One more thing I found, and that was that the people made the linen from +the flax that grew on the place. The bed-linen that they had in use for +the visitors they said was a hundred years old. I saw some that was +newly made. It would be something to remember to sleep between sheets +newly made. I ought to explain that these ships I saw came in for the +shelter of the hills from the fearful gales. I think now that was the +most enjoyable time I ever spent. One way and another I got to see a +good deal, and was learning to know that there was both dignity and +independence in the labors of a house-servant. The charm is to feel +assured that your services are approved. I am quite sure that Mr. +Mouncey could get plenty of inspiration for his magazine; he was always +taking notes, and was not above calling my attention to things +interesting or instructive if I were with them. + +Miss Heslip came from near Falkirk, and knew all about Denny. Both she +and Miss Mouncey often took me with them. I rejoiced in a scamper, so +one morning we took the two children and tracked off to climb a hill +called Goat-Fell. We had some lunch with us. Mr. and Mrs. Mouncey had +gone somewhere else; at any rate, we began to climb, and kept on +climbing and resting for I do not know how long. Well on in the +afternoon we had lunch, and started to come down. We did not go to the +top. It was awful, perfectly awful to see the sheep browsing about on +those hills. They looked like mere specks. My wonder was that they did +not roll into the sea, which foamed at the foot in some places. We were +to be there from June 1 till the last day in August. The beach was a +picture, with the cliffs above and underfoot the Scotch pebbles and +shells and the rocks and seaweed. I had only to sit and think. + +Many people came to the island on a Saturday afternoon and brought tents +with them, and stopped till Monday. The caves were used as well. Some +minister would come from the city and preach in the open air. We all +went on the hilltop to hear him. It was like a fairyland. From there you +could see the Ailsa Crag, which looked as if it were in the clouds. +There were no public buildings, no fine arts, and yet few places have so +much natural attraction for the holiday season as the Island of Arran. + +While bathing I made the acquaintance of a young girl, who, like myself +was with some visitors from the city. She could swim and float on the +water for ever so far. She told me that her father and brothers were +fishermen, and that she had been often away with them for weeks at a +time, and they had taught her to swim. I used to watch her in terror +when she would go under water and come up in another place. Her name was +Annie Smith, and she took me in hand to teach me to swim. I tried to do +as she told me, but one morning I went too far. I could not see her, and +I felt myself being carried out to sea. I was helpless, and the seawater +was in my mouth and ears, and I was trying to catch hold of some +seaweed. All at once Annie got sight of me. She gave a scream, and, +coming out, pulled me to the shore. I did not know how I got there, but +I found myself in bed with all the young people and the master and +mistress in my room. I soon got alright, but never again went beyond my +depth in the sea. It was a strange feeling, and for days I could hear +the roaring of the water. I felt that I should always remember that girl +who saved me from drowning. Annie could manage a boat and use the oars. +The young ladies often went for a sail and took me with them. They had +gentlemen friends, and sometimes we had the Scotch bagpipes on board. I +thought what a pity it was that such glorious days should pass so +quickly. + +Mrs. Pringle, from whom we rented the house, would let me come with her +to the dairy, and I helped her sometimes with the churning. The butter +was made differently then. She had fowls and plants and a vegetable +garden. Everything was speckless and clean. All this gave me an insight +into the ways of the world not to be regretted. She had three children, +and her husband and her brother, who was an elderly man, worked about +the place. They had some hay growing some distance from the house. Mrs. +Pringle let the young couple and me go to see the haymaking. We would go +off in the cart and come back on top of a load of hay, which was put in +the loft for the winter. The fresh sea wind and the smell of the hay +were beautiful. How one can enjoy life in the open air! I looked forward +to coming again the next year. + +It looked such a short distance from where we bathed to cross over to +The Holy Isle, which was once the burying-place. The dead were taken +there in boats, and there was an old monastery where the monks lived, +and where many of them were buried. It was much patronised by visitors. +There was but one house there with people living in it, and that was a +public-house. All our people with some friends went one afternoon. It +was not convenient to take me, although it had been promised that I +should go to The Holy Isle before we left. + +That memorable summer was nearly ended. Mr. Mouncey had gone to Glasgow. +Mrs. Pringle's brother and his nephew got the boat. I made arrangements +with Annie Smith to come with me to see the isle. The days were still +long, so we got there in time to see the ruins of the abbey, and to try +and read the indiscernible names on the tombs. There were no headstones, +but all were lying flat, and were covered over with moss. Such were the +graves of the monks. We rushed about to see all we could. The moss was +more than a finger in length, and there were feathery-like ferns. The +higher up the old building the more dainty they appeared. I asked the +young man if he thought he could get some for me from the top, for I +wanted some pulled up by the root to plant. At some risk he went, and, +to my grief, he just pulled the ferns off. I brought different curios to +keep in remembrance. We went into the house. I only saw one woman, and +she did not look very bright. No wonder, either, surrounded by the sea +and its deadliness. Mr. Cook, who was with us, spoke to her in Gaelic, +and she brought in some scones and whisky. Neither Annie Smith nor I +drank whisky, nor were we asked to, but the scones I shall never forget. +They were made of flour, ground from green peas. I tested them, and I +asked Mr. Cook afterwards what they were made of. He said they had a +field of green peas, which, on being, gathered, they dried and ground +after the Bible custom between two stones. They were as green as grass, +but not bad to taste. + +Mr. Cook was well acquainted with the isle, and he showed all the places +of antiquity. The people who lived there had boats, and some more than +one, and ran to and fro from Lamlash and Brodic. They made a good +living in that way in summertime. We went back to our boat, and the tide +had gone and left it high and dry on the side, such a long way from the +water. Mr. Cook stood and looked in despair. He forgot that the tide was +receding, as we were in such haste to get ashore, and he told us +afterwards that he had never been on the isle after dark. The men who +lived there had gone either to Brodic or Lamlash. The young man who was +with Mr. Cook was named Cooke also. The strength of the four of us could +move the boat, but it could not be dragged down the side of the rocks +for fear of damage. So three we had to wait till the tide came in. It +was moonlight, and the mental visions that passed through my mind are +there yet. The people were anxious about us. Mr. Cook had only one eye, +and they thought that some mishap had occurred. We got home alright, and +I was glad I had seen The Holy Isle. + +While it is fresh in my mind, I may add here that many years after I was +telling a friend about my trip to The Holy Isle. A friend of hers came +in and sat down. She begged me to finish the incident, and I went all +through about the ferns, and so on. Someone called to the man that sat +by me. I looked to see if he were going. He called out to the questioner +that he would not move till I had told my experience of that night on +the isle. He then said he was the young man that climbed up the ruins to +get me the ferns. His name was Cook, and he was employed in a +confectioner's shop in Adelaide. He had a wife and children. I hoped to +see him again, but I was away from Adelaide for some time. When I +returned I made enquiries, and was told that he bought a place near +Blackwood. It was laughable that, not knowing the man, I should be +telling a story in which he had a part. If he is alive and sees his name +in print I hope he will pardon me. + +I still love the beautiful and the true. Nothing lasts, pleasure least +of all. I knew the joy of living and of my freedom, with no one to make +me afraid. My name was then Anna Macdonald. The name gave me an entrance +amongst the people of Arran, as I was one of them. I understood that my +by-gone relations had all drifted from Scotland through some religious +matter, but that did not trouble me. + +But I must not linger over by-gones. I felt a sort of responsibility to +myself and those I loved. I had only myself to depend on for my food and +clothing and to help others. It seemed very well for the preachers to +tell you of the lilies of the field that toiled not, neither did they +spin, and so on. Scotland is not the place for that style of life. This +is not meant ironically. + +The time for going back to town was drawing nearer, and we had only two +more Sundays. I used often to go with some of the people to church in +the morning, although I did not understand the Gaelic. They had Gaelic +Bibles as well. The same minister would preach in English in the +afternoon, and then we often saw people from Glasgow. I saw a young +gentleman one Sunday from Mr. Somervill's church. His name was Malcolm +White, and he was studying to be a minister, but was not yet ordained. I +told the young ladies on the way home. I was so pleased to see him, +although I was not near enough to speak to him, as I would like to have +done, as he was my teacher at a Bible-class. + +Miss Heslip said she wished that she had seen him, as he had been one +time tutor to her brothers. He had just published a book, of which he +was the author. They asked me many things about him when they saw that I +knew him. We all knew at the class that he was a young man from amongst +the working people. It was he who helped me to gather the money to pay +the fine for the little boy who broke the lamp-glass one Sunday. I had +to tell him of the sad sequel at the time, and he told me to try and +forget it. I had been thinking of all the questions I would ask him when +I got back about Arran. One very old man told me that when the apostles +were sent "far hence," that some of them landed at Arran. + +Soon the time of our stay concluded. We were getting some pebbles and +shells and seaweed, and I dearly wanted some ferns with the root +attached. There were a lot of large ferns growing near the +bathing-place, so I got Master Robert and Miss Annie Mouncey to come and +help me. Miss Annie and I held them back and Master Robert, in the hope +of finding some tiny fronds, pushed right through till he entered a +large cave. He ran and called his father, and then Mr. Cook came and +made a clear way into a place that went ever so far in the rock. There +was a strange-looking thing, like a lamp, hanging from the roof. Mr. +Mouncey could stand upright in the place. Neither Mr. Pringle nor any of +the others knew anything about it. How we wished we had found it in the +early part of our stay, but we hoped to examine it the next year, and +begged the people to let it remain hidden till we came back. No doubt +something could be discovered about it to tell a tale. It seemed natural +that we should think of all the countless cruel deeds of olden times +wrought by a blind and brutal humanity. + +The thought of "home, sweet home," brought happiness to the young +people. Annie Smith promised to come with me to Slamannan when I went, +and to tell my relatives how she saved me from the deep sea. After many +kind good-byes, we were once more on board the Iona, and the Isle of +Arran was far away. As it was well towards the end of the season there +was a scene of excitement coming and going between the shore and the +boat. We had to go in small boats. How it has all clung to my memory. +There was one laughable incident. Some economist had been saving or +buying eggs till he had a hamperful. Because they were not packed well, +or owing to the heedless way they were carried, they tumbled on the +deck. The eggs began to roll about. Like that of some sudden explosion +was the effect, and both ladies and gentlemen got up on the seats. +Anyone who saw those sailors mopping up the decks and cleaning away the +eggs would never forget the look on their faces. Every now and then, +when they thought all was cleared, the lurching of the ship would send +some more eggs rolling out from under the seats. The comic episode +caused laughter to everyone but the sailors and the person to whom the +eggs belonged. + + + + +BACK IN GLASGOW AGAIN. + + +I could not help being glad that I was back in Glasgow again. Everyone +seemed so happy. Yet all was strange, and in the midst of my happy +feelings I could not forget the uncertainty at home, or the trouble as +to what we were going to do. My dearest ambition was to live at home +with my father and brother and sister. But I had a dread of the pinch of +poverty, and Glasgow was then in a fearful state. The war in America had +broken out, and hundreds and thousands of people were thrown out of +employment. All the cotton-mills were stopped, as the raw cotton came +from America. Then all the commerce or trade from Glasgow to America was +at a standstill. I thought it bad enough before we went to Arran, but it +was worse then. Every day persons were coming to the door begging, and +one could see tradesmen and mechanics digging in the West-End park for a +shilling per day. How often I have found, too, in the morning sleeping +in the archway some poor boys that had been there all night. They had no +home. I was all the time in sadness, but what could I do? No efforts of +mine could lessen the sorrow of even one human being. I should assist my +own people first. And despair sometimes possessed me. + +Miss Heslip went to her home, and Mr. Mouncey went away to Italy, and +when we had things straight I was to have a few days and go to +Slamannan. I went and saw my friends at Dr. Fargus', and to the +Bible-class, and told Mr. White that I had seen him at Brodic, and I +told him about Miss Heslip being a visitor with Mr. Mouncey's people. +Mr. White said he knew Mr. Mouncey, but he had never met Miss Mouncey. +Before Miss Heslip went there was a concert at the Queen's Rooms, close +to us. Jenny Lind was the singer. It was a guinea to go in to hear her. +She gave all she got for that night and many other nights to the relief +of the poor and the distressed. Our two young ladies were in +evening-dress, and I was to bring wraps. While I was waiting, together +with some other girls on the same errand, the man at the door asked us +if we would like to see and hear the singer, there being a place on the +ground-floor from which we could both see and hear her without being +seen. We were glad, and thanked the man. There was only Jenny Lind's +husband with her to play the accompaniment. She had just commenced to +sing "John Anderson, my jo, John," and her husband was at the piano. He +seemed older than she was, and his head was bald, but the singing and +the playing were beautiful. She sang a Swiss song, too, and that was all +I heard. Could anyone ever forget the voice of that woman? And it seemed +no effort for her to get the Scotch words so nicely. The ladies were +pleased that I saw and heard her, even ever so little. I thought that +Miss Mouncey and Miss Heslip sang very well, but both said that they +would never sing again after hearing Jenny Lind. + +Glasgow was a manufacturing city and crowded with human beings in the +struggle to live. Edinburgh did not seem to me so bad, but I never lived +there. There was some restless discontent going on in Italy. The world +must move on. Life's destiny lay hidden from me. Mrs. Mouncey was good +and kind. My sister came to see me. She had a baby girl! I was allowed +to go out with her and show her some wonderful places about, and she +stopped with me all night. My father and brother called to see me now +and again, and my sensitive nature was keenly alive to every act of +kindness shown to them. + +In conversation with Mr. Malcolm White I told him that Miss Mouncey was +going to Miss Heslip's for a time. He said he wished that he was +acquainted with Miss Mouncey, as he had something to send to Miss +Heslip. It came out very unexpectedly that I heard Miss Mouncey express +herself equally anxious for an introduction to him, so I said, "Why not +come to-morrow afternoon, Miss Mouncey will be at home?" I went into her +room when I got home that night, and told her that Mr. White was coming +to see her the next day. She could not understand it, and questioned me +a lot as to what I said. She was perplexed, but not angry. He came, and +I opened the door to him, and led him to the drawing-room. I found Miss +Mouncey and announced her and shut the door, and I learned that the Rev. +M. White became Miss Mouncey's husband two years after I came to +Adelaide. He was a gentleman, according to my standard, and in every +sense of the word she was a lady. Everything came about as I hoped. She +often said that if ever she married she would like to marry a minister. +I knew that she was sought for by others. I did not forget to ask about +the apostles landing at Arran. I asked Mr. Somervill, as well as Mr. +White. I had some things made plain to me which need not be added here. + +The time came for me to go to Slamannan. All was turmoil there. I had +not long been in the little house when my father came in and said, +"Anna, why don't you go to Australia?" He had seen two young girls whom +I knew, and they had only that day received a reply from London to tell +them they were to sail for Queensland in two weeks' time. I sat and +looked at him. I thought he was joking, and I said, "No, father, I will +do all I can for you, but I will never cross the sea so far." + +Later on, when I went out with my brother, I said, "Well, Mac, what +would you say if I went to Australia?" He told me how he wished he could +go somewhere out of Slamannan. I learned for the first time that he was +working down in the coal-pits. And the next day when I saw him come in I +made up my mind to come to Australia if they would take me. No one but +myself knew my thoughts. My brother was a little over 14 years of age, +and I was not 17. When I returned to Glasgow I knew that there were +bills all about in the streets notifying that free passages would be +given to capable young women as domestic servants to three different +colonies, Queensland, South Australia, and Victoria. The notice went on +to say that a doctor and a matron would be on board, and that the ships +were fitted up with sanitary and other arrangements according to rule. I +had often seen the advertisement before, but I never read it. I went to +the place in Hope-street, and saw the agent, and asked if I could get my +brother to come with me. When I told him the age he said "No," but added +that if I had some friends out in the colonies they could send a grant +or get an assisted passage for my brother. I said I had no one out +there. + +"Well," he said, "we will take you, and you can soon send for your +brother." He talked to me for a long time, and gave me some papers to +get filled in and to bring them back to him again. I took the papers, +but I did not like to say anything to Mrs. Mouncey. That night I went to +friends at Dr. Fargus', and they tried all they could to persuade me not +to go to Australia. The Dr. and Mrs. Fargus were in London at the time, +as there was a great exhibition there, and they had gone to see it. + +I had no wish to see the world, and doubted if I would have the courage +at the end. I mistrusted myself, but still I had the papers filled up. +Some said I had lost my senses. When I explained the facts to my master +and mistress, and showed them the conditions of the voyage in a printed +form, they added their names as to what they knew of my reputation. Then +the minister's name and the doctor's name were put on in addition, and +the forms were sent to London. + + + + +I DECIDE TO COME TO ADELAIDE. + + +Meanwhile I had gone to hear a man who was lecturing. He dealt with all +the colonies in turn, and when he referred to South Australia and +Adelaide, so pleasing were the pictures he drew of the country all +round, that they made a deep impression on me. I knew no one in +Adelaide, and I knew no one in that lecture-hall, but as I sat there my +mind was made up to come to South Australia, having the choice between +it and either Melbourne or Queensland. I told the Rev. A. N. Somervill, +when I showed him the papers, that I would like to come to Adelaide, and +he said that a college friend of his was in the city of Adelaide. His +name was Dr. Gardner, and they wrote to each other. From Dr. Gardner's +account he thought it would be a nice place to live, and when I left +Glasgow Mr. Somervill gave me a letter to Dr. Gardner, who was minister +of Chalmer's Church, North-terrace. + +I was healthful, sound of body, and free from disease, and I did not +think so much of the trouble of the voyage. + +It seemed, such a short time after the papers were sent away till I had +an answer back to say that I was to hold myself in readiness to sail +from Liverpool or Birkenhead in a ship called the Morning Star. That was +near the end of October. I had not told them at home what I had done in +regard to applying for a passage, and I was to be at the place of +embarkation not later than November 2. With a fluttering heart I went to +Slamannan. They would not believe me. Then they did not want me to go. I +was sorely tried. I wondered at the maze of difficulties; the only thing +which determined me was that it was too late to draw back. I craved for +their sympathy, and asked them to let me go. I overheard a man speaking +to my father. He asked if it was true that I was going out to the +colonies. My father said "Yes." He replied, "Surely you will not let +your daughter go." My father said "Yes." The man had some family +himself, and he then said, "If it were a daughter of mine that wanted to +go to that wild, outlandish place I would take her to the plantation and +take a gun and shoot her rather than let her go to such a place." + +I heard it all, and had a cry. I did not know enough to realise the +distance or the time I would be on the sea. The Morning Star was a +sailing vessel. + +In spite of my impulsive nature it was hard to give up all the humble +joys of youth, and I thought I could face the future better in Scotland. +What would a strange land hold for me? It is no use to tell how the +colliers and their wives and friends crowded to see me, as they said to +mix up the sour with the sweet. We were living in the main street of +Slamannan then, and my sister and her husband, as well as the colliers +and others, gathered together and got the large hall and arranged a +concert on my behalf. I felt grateful to many whom I had never seen +before. All round I was asked such strange questions, and was told I was +rushing to destruction. Some thought I would get eaten when I got out +here. + +The final morning came. It was dark and cold on November 2. All my own +relations travelled with me to Glasgow, but at the railway-station at +Slamannan there were the people again with their hearty farewells. I +told them I would come back and see them some day, and I did so. The +brave spirit which sustained me gave way, and I went in tears to say +good-bye to my friends in Glasgow. Oh, the bitterness of that hour! To +see the old scenes of my daily life and say the last word. I saw Dr. +Reily, and he gave me some useful advice for ship life. In Scotland the +days are short in November. The train left at 5 p.m. It was dark, and +every familiar object grew dim. There was no one in the train whom I +knew. I was told that it would be 7 o'clock the next morning before I +would get to Liverpool. All night the train journeyed on, and at some of +the stations we picked up some more weeping passengers. It seemed to +console me when I saw others who I learned were going to Adelaide in the +Morning Star. + +When we got to Liverpool we were taken to Birkenhead. There was a +queer-looking building where we were taken. I soon found that plenty of +people were there to the appointed time for the voyage, and they did not +seem afraid to travel to the fair land beyond the sea. Such a mixed lot +of strangers I saw. There were Welsh and English married couples with +their families. There were Welsh and English single young men and Welsh +and English single young woman. Then there were Scotch and Irish married +couples, and also their families, and single young Scotch men, and +single young Scotch women. I can still remember how many single women +there were altogether. There were 105. We had nothing to complain of. +There were separate divisions for all the young women in a department by +themselves with the married couples next to us. Then the young men were +at the other side, and in the ship the same plan was carried through all +the way on the voyage. + +We did not sail till November 19, but there were no unreasonable +restrictions. We went in and out at will. I went about with some of the +married people, and clung to them all the way out and after. I go and +see some of them at this date when I can find the time. The ship was +brought alongside of the depot, as this place was called, and I thought +it looked so splendid, so clean and nice; but, for all that, more than I +thought it might be our last resting-place. The touch of kindness in it +all was wonderful to me. One lady, also a free passenger, was elected as +matron. She was an English lady, and she endeared herself to all. The +doctor had all our names on a roll, and he called them over every +evening and morning, and we had to answer to our names to see that none +of us got lost. The doctor acted as chaplain. He was a bachelor, and had +many years' experience of sea life. There was a punt that went to and +fro from Birkenhead to Liverpool, and vehicles of all kinds with horses +attached passed over on this punt. It cost a half-penny for each +individual. We often went in companionship in that way, and we saw many +things to surprise us in Liverpool. + +We were watching to see when the Morning Star would sail, and wondering +why we were there so long and were provided for, without payment, with +good as well as suitable food. The last afternoon before we sailed we +had our tea on board the ship. Some were skilled in music amongst the +men, and they formed in a harmonious way and marched on board in order +playing some lively tunes with flute and fiddle. Only to think that we +must gradually get settled and be pent up within the walls of a ship for +three months and not see land in that time! We girls were arranged so +many for each table, and the table had a number. We took it in turns to +keep the utensils and vessels that we used clean. The sleeping +convenience, too, was adjusted for sleeping only. There were comfortable +hammock-like beds, and two shared a compartment together. A young +English girl came to me and said her name was put with mine for sleeping +in the same division. I had not seen her before, as she came on board +only in time to sail, as her home was in Liverpool. She cried bitterly +at leaving home and mother. She was about 20 years of age, and so +beautiful and pleasing, and she could sing. We went to sleep, and in the +morning when I awoke I found the ship moving gently. We were being towed +out of the dock by a steamboat. + + + + +ON AN EMIGRANT SHIP. + + +It was a foggy morning. I could see the boat and I learned that we were +in the River Mersey. How different it looked from the River Clyde! I was +on the poop and a man was standing waving to a woman in the boat, who +was also waving a handkerchief. He was a tall, strong-looking man, with +such a tanned face. I looked up at him and saw the tears standing on his +brown cheeks. That was our captain. When we got fairly out to sea a +great many felt ill. Strange to say, I did not, and was able to be +helpful and to go here and there and assist the others. Some were never +on the deck for weeks, but rough or fine I never missed being in the +open air for one day during the voyage. I loved to watch the wheel that +controlled the helm and guided that great ship in a direct course to +Adelaide. A few verses, written by one of the married men, will give +some idea of the high opinion we all had of the captain. They are still +in a legible state, although written so long ago. I will add them here. +The author of them is dead, but in his lifetime in South Australia his +name was popular and high in public favor. Here are the lines:-- + + +ON THE MORNING STAR. + + + Come, let us be cheerful, at last we are afloat + Alone on the ocean, where battles were fought + By England's true sons, to memory so dear, + Whose cannons were never yet seen in the rear. + Brave Captain Mathews, he is truly a hero, + His barque is his pride on the wide, rolling sea. + His voice through the tempest sounds strong and clear, + And the deck is his cabin when danger is near. + No favor yet asked has he ever refused, + In the fair weather all the young girls are amused. + Always so cheerful, with a sweet, pleasant smile; + See him romp with the children, the time to beguile. + Mr. Granger, the first mate, like the captain, is free, + Always happy when he sees some amusement and glee. + Amongst the young women he is nothing amiss-- + I judge by the number that I've seen him kiss. + Mr. Hudson, the second mate, has a fitness of mind, + In his place he is ever upright and kind. + Truth and sincerity you discern in his face, + He will never the cause of old England disgrace. + Then may success attend those three brave sons of the sea, + May fortune befriend them wherever they be; + When old age comes on may their pillow be soft, + When called from below, God grant their souls go aloft! + + +When scenes and places were pointed out to us I began to realise how far +away I was. When the captain gave orders that we were to be kept below, +as the ship would get a tossing in the Bay of Biscay a solemn silence +fell on us all. The dear old Morning Star ploughed her way through that +awful water, and I could see no bay, but only stormy billows. All our +things swung to the other side of the ship, and the things from the +other side came over to us. We soon regained confidence, and there were +merry peals of laughter to see the plight of the passengers when their +goods and chattels were rushing from side to side. Fancy us being afraid +of sea or storm after that. If any other ship that flitted across the +horizon was near enough the men got out some flags and signalled to her, +and in that way found out who she was and where she was going. If she +was close enough and was homeward bound we could send letters. An +American warship came close by, but when the captain discovered that we +were a ship full of people voyaging to Adelaide he let us go. I learned +that they were bent on plunder. The warship was the famed Confederate +privateer Alabama. I used to read about it and the desperate things +Captain Semmes did on the high seas, not sparing either boats or +schooners, but overhauling them in a most merciless manner. Our captain +knew who they were, but we did not at the time. Although I saw the name +I was not the least disturbed, and years afterwards, when reading a +description of the Alabama, I knew that I had seen her. + +The doctor read the Anglican Church service every Sunday forenoon, and +usually we all attended, sailors as well. How sweet the singing sounded +on the sea. It was so solemn and so mysterious with only the sky for a +roof. The ways and the saying and the doings of those on the Morning +Star were very peaceful in that never-to-be-forgotten time. Health and +contentment were unspoilt by contact with the world. I, for one, too +often turned with regret to the old times in Scotland, although our days +were full of excitement. If any isolated places could be seen as we +travelled along the captain would let us have his telescope in turns, +and would tell the name and the situation and all particulars. We +learned that he had children at home, and that when I saw him first he +was waving good-bye to his wife and children. He would come up in the +afternoon with his pockets full of sweets and put them on a canvas to +see us scramble for them. He was beloved by the sailors, and it was good +to see how they would run when he called. He always said, "Come along, +my boys, and let that go every inch." + +We were a long time at sea before he knew that I had no relatives on +board, and when I told him I knew no one in Adelaide his voice trembled. +"Oh, well, be brave," he said, "you are young, and you must take your +part in labor and in life." The days seemed to pass so quickly, and as +day followed day the companionship grew more strong, as we were grouped +together with only the noise of the waves to listen to. How little did +some think of the deep shadow of sorrow that would reach them through +those bright, rolling waters. Scarlet fever had already seized some of +the young children, and one by one they were lowered down into the +bitter waters. They would be enjoying their hours of play in the +sunshine on the deck one day and the next they would be gone. The +trouble continued till twenty-seven had died. A man died also, and one +family lost six children, some of them grown up. After seeing so much of +the troubled horrors of the deep we were heavy-hearted, and no wonder. +Everything passed like a mist, and we did not know who would go over +next. + +Captain Mathews showed much sympathy for the grief and suffering. How we +watched him as he sat with his telescope, and anxiously wondered how +long it would be ere we got to Adelaide. Wild winds would toss the ship +with such cruel force that we were very anxious. Once we saw icebergs +floating about in the sea, and it required some skill to steer clear of +them. They looked awful. There was a skylight just above where the other +young girl and I slept, but it was always shut and made fast every night +at 10 o'clock. One fearfully rough night when the wind was blowing +strongly the water came rushing down the ladder. It was sea water. Our +berth was getting full, and I could not go on deck for the hatchway was +locked. I called, as loudly as I could, but could not get anyone to +hear. So I thought of a plan, and I found a mopstick and tied my towel +on it, and poked it up through the bars of the skylight, and rattled it +to and fro with such vigor that the captain, who was at the wheel, came +running and calling what was the matter. I said, "Please, captain, will +you put the cover on the skylight to keep the water from coming down the +steps?" He said I would have to appear before the doctor in the morning +to answer for the fright I had given him, and I was sent for in the +morning for the first time. + +Fever was in the captain's cabin; the doctor was there and the mates. +The captain said he had been to sea for thirty-three years and had met +all kinds of incidents, but that he had never before had such a fright +as I gave him with that broomstick. He was horrified to see this white +thing come up in the middle of the night. I promised never to offend +again, but I received a good scolding. He said it looked like a goblin, +and he pretended to be angry, but I could see the smile on his face. I +could only look from one to the other, for if the ship had got wrecked +they said I would have been to blame, for the captain was at the wheel +himself, and he let it go when he saw this white object thrust out in +the darkness, while the sound disturbed him as much as the sight of the +thing. + +I shall never forget that time. Sometimes doubt and despair were at war. +I felt that I could not undertake the journey again, for the task I had +undertaken seemed harder than any I had learnt before. + +A lot of nonsense was talked about "crossing the line." What dreadful +things some of us thought we would see! We feared the Equator and the +Southern Cross, but there was, after all, only fun and merriment, there +being nothing strange to see. The ship went on steadily just the same, +but when they told me a certain constellation of stars was the Southern +Cross, and I lost sight of some stars I was familiar with, I knew we +were making our way to the new land. After crossing the great dividing +of the seas we often had it very hot. This was new to me. Often in the +tropics the ship would just roll to and fro, and sometimes make no +headway. Then we would see the tar boiling in the seams on the deck. We +had plenty of time for dreams and fancies, as we longed for the first +glint of freedom, so as to start into life again. It was getting on +towards the end of December, and we thought of the New Year on board +ship, and set to work to form some plans for being joyous. + +Christmas and New Year's Day were festive times. Some of the young girls +who had friends amongst the married people were allowed to go to their +quarters to spend the day, and we had all sorts of enjoyment by +direction of the captain. We were well content with the arrangements, +and the whole time was restful and quiet, despite the monotony of the +voyage. The share of joy and sorrow that comes to every life was not +absent on sea. What troubled me was that I was growing tall, and I +wondered what I should do for clothing. I grew in height and got +broader. I could only with difficulty get on some of my garments that +fitted me well before I left on the long voyage. Some actually laughed, +and asked me why I came before I had stopped growing. I only had one +hat, and that blew over the side of the ship. I stood and watched it as +far as I could see it with tears in my eyes. That had fitted me alright. +We got up our boxes every now and then to look through them. But I must +not keep on about my discomfort, although what seemed droll to others +was to me a matter for serious thought. I had a new pair or boots and +would not wear them on board, but was saving them to go ashore with. I +put them in what I thought a safe place in a corner where we slept, but +when I went to get them the rats had eaten all the kid off them. There +were only left the canvas or lining and the leather on the toes. I took +them and showed them to the captain, and he said it was good to have +rats on board ship, as it indicated that we would not get wrecked on the +voyage. I had been so helpful to the matron all the way that the doctor +told me I would be rewarded with some payment when we got to Adelaide. I +was thankful for that, because I had no money. + +We were told that it would take to the middle of February, supposing +everything went right, before Adelaide would be reached. Many on board +were travelling to relations or friends, and there was no home-sickness +amongst them. They counted the moments until their arrival. Neither the +captain, the doctor, nor any of the mates had ever been to South +Australia, nor had any of the passengers been either, so we had no one +to tell us of anything encouraging about this new country. We could +only have hope and courage. Everything was done for our comfort. When +the weather was too hot awnings were spread to protect us from the sun, +and we always seemed to have a reasonable supply of water. I never saw +the least sign of whisky or grog, as it was called, in the case of any +of the officers of the Morning Star. + +Cleanliness was universal, and every precaution was taken against +infection by the use of carbolic. That South Australia was a place for +men and women who believed in themselves was recognised, and the +question was often discussed. There were men of culture and training on +board the ship, and so they proved themselves afterwards. It made me +proud to think of having come a sea-voyage with them. The same remark +applied also to the women, with but few exceptions. We had all signed an +agreement to stop in the colony for two years. The thoughts of a return +to Great Britain were shared with many of us, and they gave me hope. + +The most painful experience I ever had on that deck was one Saturday +morning. I was sitting in my usual place, when I saw a seaman going up +in the rigging. All at once I heard a fearful cry, and I saw him fall +into the sea. They shut down the skylight to keep the people from +causing confusion. On either side of the ship a lifeboat was lowered in +a moment, and before I had time to look round I could see the mates and +the men in the boats, and the lifebuoys thrown over. The captain had the +ship heaved to. It was awful. They did not rescue the sailor, and it was +affirmed that a shark had pulled him under, as one had been seen that +morning. Sharks were often seen. The sight of that man falling into the +water has lived in my memory. I had not seen him before, except amongst +the others, when they were all together pulling the ropes, but I could +see his face so plainly as he fell that I would have known him again. +This occurred on January 17. The sea was calm, and there was no breeze. +We all felt sad, and the flags were dropped half-mast. All the man's +chattels were given in charge to the steward. He was a young Scotchman, +from the Orkney Islands, and a single man. How I shuddered at the sight +of a shark after that! They followed us nearly all the way. Anyone who +has heard the cry of the sailors when a man falls overboard will never +forget it forever. Then there was the confused mingling of the people, +with the murmurs of "hush, hush." + + + + +I ARRIVE IN ADELAIDE. + + +It was a glorious sight on February 14 when we came on deck to see the +land of the south. There was such intense excitement, and the scene is +beyond my description. Dr. Duncan and some other officials came on board +soon after we reached the anchorage. They had puggarees on their hats +and hanging down their backs. That was the only foreign sign in the +clothing. It was a hot day. I, for one, quite expected to find that the +people dressed differently, and that the houses were on some other plan +from those at home, considering the long distance from Scotland. After +the officials had convinced themselves that everything was satisfactory +the gangway was let down for the people from the shore, who came in +numbers to welcome the friends whom they had not seen for so long. +Amongst the very first was the head-gardener from Sir William Milne's, +at Glen Osmond. The gardener came to meet his sister and her husband +with their family. He had instructions to employ a young girl to do +laundry work at Sunnyside, Glen Osmond, and he pointed out the place +from the side of the ship under the hills. It looked so nice, and he +told me they were a Scotch family. I knew that I was strong, and that I +could do laundry work nicely. He tried amongst the older girls, but came +back to me, and I agreed to go to Sunnyside when we got to the shore. +The captain, the doctor, and the matron were pleased, as there was a +home found for me before I left the ship, and such a dear home it proved +to be. + +The married people and the single men went off first, with such of the +young women as had friends to receive them. The next day we were brought +to Adelaide, where a few of the single girls had gone. We were all on +deck next morning in good time. There was no railway from Port Adelaide +to the Semaphore then, so everything was left in its place. All were +making preparations to leave, with hearts full of gratitude to the +captain. While he was sitting looking through his telescope, not +thinking of what was going on behind his back, one of the girls slipped +up quietly and cut off the tails from his old blue serge frock coat. She +then cut it into little bits and gave it to us to remind us of that +grand man. The look on his face when he saw what was done was good to +see. The young woman who did the cutting became a captain's wife two +years after we arrived, and she and I were friends all the time to her +death, which occurred a short time ago. The doctor was very kind to us +all, but not with the hearty interest that touched the captain for the +forlorn condition of some of us. We saw four large omnibuses on the +beach, and in a tempest of sobs we were brought ashore. The doctor had +been to town in the morning. He and the captain came to see that we were +all in the buses safely. We all came to Adelaide that way and got into +King William-street, some inside, and some outside. + +I had no hat to wear, and the matron, who was with us, promised to get +one for me that day. The air of cheerfulness amongst these girls was +splendid, and some of them were singing on the way. We were taken to the +home for servants, which stands yet. It was a little way from the +railway-station in King William-street. When I pass it now the past all +comes back to me just as it was as I was getting out of the omnibus. I +could not go back from the thought of what my life and work would be. A +new gladness came to me, for Adelaide seemed a wonderful place. We +admired the brightness of the sky and the splendor of what we saw coming +along, as well as the grape vines about the houses. We had plenty of +fruit of all sorts sent to us on the Morning Star, with many grapes. I +had never before seen a grape-vine growing. The very earth seemed new. +We were kindly spoken to at this home, and everything was done for our +comfort. A committee of ladies were appointed; one, I remember, who was +so nice was Mrs. Henry Gawler. She was so sympathetic. I told her where +I was going, and she knew the lady. Mrs. Gawler took a fancy to me, and +for years afterwards I used to go to her if I was in any difficulty. + +It was on a Thursday afternoon that we arrived, and on the Saturday +after tea the coachman was sent to take me to Sunnyside in a +spring-cart. I was shown into the mistress' room, and the first words +she said were, "Dear me, you are young!" It was the same complaint as I +had heard in Scotland, and I wondered if I would ever get older. I +showed the lady the letters and papers I had to give in proof that I +could do what was likely to be required of me willingly. They were a +large family, some were grown up, but there was a baby in arms. There +were other servants. One I found in the kitchen had only been in the +colony a month, but a housemaid who showed me to my room had been in +South Australia all her life. She brought me some grapes, and was so +anxious for my comfort. I am quite sure that thankfulness for the +kindness of them all touched me with a sense of security. + +I was early astir in the morning. What a scene was spread out to view. +As far all round as I could see there was nothing but grapes and fruit +trees. I was told that two-and-two the girls went out on Sundays, and if +I liked I could go to town with the cook, and that I should stay home +the next Sunday with the cook. I knew where to find some of my shipmates +if I could get into town. So it was settled that I should go that +morning, because the other girl knew all about Adelaide. There were no +tramcars then. There were two carriage-drives to the house at Sunnyside. +One led to Glen Osmond and the other towards town. We got on a road and +kept the town in view till we got there. I found my way to +Wakefield-street just in time to see some of my friends getting ready to +go to the Port and get on the Morning Star, which was not going away for +some time. They asked me if I would like to go with them, and, having +been so much with this lady and her children, I was pleased to go. I +showed my fellow-servant where and when to come for me, so that we might +go home together, and I went gladly once again on board the ship. They +had got into Port Adelaide and everything looked so different. Most of +the sailors had deserted, which was no unusual thing in those times. +When the captain saw me he said he thought I had told him that I had a +place to go to. I replied that it was my Sunday off. He could not +understand, and the lady I was with tried to explain to him, but he +merely laughed, and his face was a study. + +Such a lot of the people who came out with him went to see him again. +The ship did not leave the Port till March 17. I never saw the captain +again, but I liked to hear about his safety and that of the ship, as +well as that of my shipmates, with whom I felt most at home. There were +five brothers, three had wives and families. One was a widower and one a +youth. They had a young Highlander always with them who wore the kilts, +and when we got back from the Port the young man in kilts was there. + +I waited and waited, but the young girl from Sunnyside did not come at +the promised time. I was distressed, not knowing my way to the Glen. We +were all strangers. I went to the servants' home, and I met one of the +young girls, and she said she would go with me to enquire the way to +Sunnyside. We returned to tell my friends, and the young Highlander with +one of the brothers said that they would see that I got safely home. So +we all started off, and they made enquiries for the road to Glen Osmond. +The young girl came as well. It must have been the first time for a man +to have kilts on in the colony, for everyone stared so fixedly at him. I +had been so used to see men dressed thus that I could not understand +what the people were so rude for. We kept along till we got to the Vine +Inn. They asked there for the house, and we had to pass into quite a +plantation of trees, which did not look anything like what I saw when +going to Sunnyside the previous night. It was bright moonlight, but +never a body did we see. I caught sight of the house when we got to the +top of a rise. Oh, the joy of the discovery! + +At one entrance was the coachman's house and at the other the house for +the gardener. The coachman's house was overgrown with a lovely creeper, +and the Highlander, wanting to know if this was the right place, tried +to get to the door. We could see the light. He was tall. There was a +woman sitting inside with a baby on her knee. She saw only the kilts as +the Highlander had to stoop down to get in. She ran and screamed. It was +the coachman's wife, and she had never seen anyone in kilts before. She +made such a scene, and brought her husband out of bed. The gardener told +me afterwards that his first thought was to lay hold of his gun; but +when he saw me the matter was soon explained. I saw the mistress when I +went in and told her that Lizzie, the cook, did not call for me, and how +I got home. It appeared that Lizzie had a lover, and they thought that +two was company and that three was none. + +Just a word about the dear friends that brought me home. There being no +bright gaslight to show the road distinctly they got out of their way, +and travelled on till they came to Glenelg, and did not reach home till +near morning. There was a committee meeting about it and such a lot of +talk, for the young girl was staying at the home in King William-street. +But when they went into the details there was nothing to say, except +that we were "new chums." Such were the events of my first Sunday in +South Australia, which appear vividly among the strange happenings of +the past and the planning for the future. + +I began to work the next day. Through the skill and kindness of some of +my friends I got over the trouble about my working clothing. Only I had +short sleeves and my arms were burnt by the sun. I did not mind that. I +felt well and strong, and the look of the place was an inspiration. From +where I worked I could see the sea over which I had come. How I watched +the ships coming in and going out, and wondered when I would cross it +again. But the people I was with, well, they were kindness and goodness +itself, and the children--How I did love to scamper over the hills with +some of them when I could get the chance, even if I had to carry them +part of the way. It was a well-appointed and happy home. They +entertained a lot, for there was a grown-up family with such gay and +pleasant manners. They must have been welcome guests wherever they went. + +Sir William was in Parliament, and was Minister for Crown Lands and +Emigration. Sir Dominic Daly was the Governor then. The Government House +party came to Sunnyside on festivals and on other days. There was the +Governor and Lady Daly, with two sons and two daughters, young ladies +and gentlemen. The sons in stature and height were so unlike their +father. He must have been brave enough, but he was neither tall nor +stout. I was often in the room as an attendant. I liked to hear the +Governor talk. I always helped in waiting on the assembled guests. How +the times have changed since then! The young ladies from Sunnyside and +the Miss Dalys and many others belonged to an archery club. Shooting +with the bow and arrow was a favorite sport both for ladies and +gentlemen. There were targets all about. One was at the Government farm, +which is now called the National Park. More than once I have been sent +to assist in spreading lunch there when they had their customary +meetings. How exciting it all looked to me. The bright activity of the +young people and the scenery were so entrancing that I was glad I came +here. + +Lizzie and the cook got married. I used to go to town once in every +three weeks, but soon found where to get the omnibus both in and out of +town. I always went to the home to look for my young friends of the +voyage, and we were so pleased to learn of each others' welfare. I found +many who had not got such a nice home as I had. And I told my mistress +of one young girl that I thought would do in Lizzie Ross' place. So the +lady asked the master to call at the Servants' Home and ask this girl to +come. He did so and told the matron to send her on my recommendation, +and she came and stopped at Sunnyside till she also got married. That +girl grew very attached to the family of Sunnyside and kept the respect +all her life. Only to see some of them was a joy for Mary. She came from +Scotland, and she and I got into the same train at Glasgow. So we went +out on the same Sunday every other week and came to town together. All +was well for a long time, but Mary had given her affection to a young +man on board the Morning Star. He was the baker of the ship, and when we +landed in Adelaide he went out with some exploring party. + +I received some letters from home and I sent some. I had good news to +tell of what I had seen in Adelaide. Those were prosperous times. The +gas was getting laid on in the streets, but in some streets they had +only oil lamps. Four of the brothers already mentioned went to work as +plumbers and gasfitters at first. They were all plumbers and painters +except one, who was a mason. There were no unemployed in the streets in +those days, and no poor children without boots. Everything, too, was so +cheap. So many of the houses have been pulled down in all the streets +and the place has so changed that if one had not seen the alterations he +could not believe it to be the same place. All the time I was hoping to +get my relatives here. I gave a full description to my master of the +reason I had come out to the colony and had left all my friends. He told +me to rely upon him to do what he could and showed much sympathy. I was +anxious to get all the family out together, so as not to have any more +partings. A great peace settled on my mind when I found that Sir William +would use his influence in securing the dispatch of six persons with +assisted passages to Adelaide. There was a lot for me to do, as it would +at least cost £20 for me to send the land grants to them, and may I add +here that I saved that in one year from 10/ a week. After subscribing +for the voyagers, it amounted to just the same, as my wages in Glasgow, +which were six pounds a year, so I had enough for my needs. + +It is hard to explain about the kindness of the people of Sunnyside. +The gardener and his wife and family lived on the domain. As he was the +very first man I had spoken to of the South Australians, I used to go to +him and his wife, and tell them of my hopeful desires. I saw that man +the other day in town, and he looked as upright as he did many years +ago. And we talked of the long ago days. If it were not for the craving +of the lone heart for love and for kindred, there would have seemed +nothing but brightness, peace, and plenty at Sunnyside, Glen Osmond. +Satisfaction being mutual, the year went by so quickly. If this should +fall into the hands of any of this household, concerning which I have +such happy reminiscences, I hope they will pardon me if I refer to a few +of the incidents that appealed to me. + +It was good to see the fruit that grew there of every kind. Some I had +never seen before. My chief wonder was at the grapes, and the making of +wine. I had read about the wine-press, but I then saw a great number of +people gathering in the grapes, and then watched them crushed and the +juice put into a large vat. I was not long there before it was known +that I had a terror concerning snakes. There were some about, even +amongst the vines. The boy from the stable saw a dead one at Sir Thomas +Elder's place and dragged it all the way to put in the laundry to give +me a fright, but the coachman saw him and took it from him, and brought +it to where I was, and told me not to be afraid. It was such a size when +he put it down at its full length, and told me if I saw anything like +that to get away from it. I was thankful I did not see it unawares. The +boy thought it would be fun. A governess came daily on horseback to +instruct the youngest child. The eldest son went to college. The young +master and some other youths about his age would ask in a gentle way if +they could melt some lead to form bullets for their guns. The laundry +was not far from the carriage house. While working I could hear them +tell of their playful merriment and of the birds' nests, just like the +boys in Scotland. It may not be out of place here to add that some of +those youths so full of frolic, are men of dignity to-day in this State. +The young gentleman used to bring his trifling property and ask if I +could let them stop there where he could find them, as the housemaids +were always putting his trappings where he could not find them. All had +horses who were old enough to ride, and so had the ladies also. If no +man were there I would help the ladies to mount if they wanted help, and +very pretty they looked. + +The eldest daughter married a gentleman who owned a farm, near Port +Augusta. It was a gay time. The Parliamentary caterer and his waitresses +were there for days, and there was a breakfast in great magnificence for +a hundred guests, with a ball in the evening. Such wealth and beauty I +never saw before. The wedding service was performed at the Scotch Church +in Wakefield-street. How feeble it all looks in written words. Only in +some way to show the experience gained in early years, I had taken the +letter I brought from Glasgow to Dr. Gardner, on North-terrace, and I +often went to Chalmers Church with the friends who were so kind to me on +the voyage. One of the gentlemen took a leading part in the singing, and +I went with his wife and family. All of those five brothers mentioned +went there, and many others who came in what we called "our ship." On +more than one occasion the master and mistress took me and left me at +the Manse the night before a tea-meeting so that I could help. My work +was always done at the end of the week, and I gladly helped the others, +answering the door, bell, or otherwise, and amongst ourselves we had +merriment in the home-time. One of the housemaids was married, and I got +another of my fellow-passengers to come to Sunnyside. I knew by that +time that some treaty was in hand to obtain the earliest passage for my +people in the first ship that would come with assisted passengers. I +began to be busy in preparation to meet my relatives. The time would be +coming soon when I would want to go away, and the thought way +disagreeable to me. I did leave Sunnyside, but went back years +afterwards. One Saturday afternoon I was in attendance, and I was told +to bring in the decanter and cake to the library. There were two or +three men there looking so weary and dusty. I learned while in the room +that one of the men was John Macdouall Stuart, the explorer. I hardly +knew then what exploring meant. At any rate those men looked broken +down, but the master was so pleased to see them. + +I had a letter to say that my people were coming by a ship name the Art +Union when there were the number required. I cheered up, for although I +had plenty of everything and friends included, when I saw other girls' +eyes fairly shine when they talked about home, I hoped to begin life +afresh and to forget about the past. I looked forward not the least +discouraged. When I thought of what a sea of water divided us, I tried +to be practical. I came to this distant land in the hope that they might +better their fortunes and that happiness would be ours. But I must soon +turn out of the home where I had been sheltered and happy, and where I +led a new life in this new land which was still strange to me. Anyone +who lived in the full safety of family ties could not understand the +dread I had to leave Sunnyside. In all the years past I could yield to +the wishes of others, I had so far cared but little for my own +preference. Now I must decide for myself what I ought to do. + +Time passed on. The young master went for a long visit to his young +married sister at Port Augusta. He brought back a good sized kangaroo. +He asked if I was at Sunnyside yet, and being told I was he wished the +man to take the kangaroo out of the hamper and let him loose in the +laundry. It was late, and I did not know anything of this. But the young +master was so used to putting his odds and ends in there that he thought +I would not mind. I went in the morning and opened the door, and when I +did so this kangaroo made one bound for the opening. I had never seen +one, even in a picture before. The sudden spring it made for the door +and the length of its tail frightened me, and I was insensible with +terror. I ran shrieking to the house, and the kangaroo rushed through +the vines down the gully. All the bedroom windows were thrown open, and +everyone had seen "him." I leave anyone to guess what I thought I had +seen. They had some trouble to find the kangaroo, but it was not put in +the laundry again. + +On looking back from now I intend to say a few words to young serving +maids. If any of the incidents which happened to me in my early life +also happen to you, the fact that I got through them may convey some +courage to you. I think you will see that pleasure is possible in life +as a domestic servant. Only let our needs be natural, and let us lead a +life without vain, empty show, not trying to appear richer than we +really are, or to spend all our money on dress and amusements. I noticed +the difference between this colony and Scotland. The pleasant evenings +we passed would not be understood now. Pleasure with unrest has led and +will lead our young girls to spend money they cannot afford to make a +show. How did they manage before there were so many clubs and the +so-called friendly societies? They all go to the club now, and the home +is too dull. The hearth is solitary. Men and women are spoiled for home +life. Many would have us believe how good it is to be seen smiling and +talking on some platform, and to care no longer for home in the old +sense of the word. In the rush for and the love of excitement very heavy +demands are made on the endurance of the working woman. Perhaps I do not +see the humorous side of life, but that no doubt is because it has been +all so real to me. + +I often went to the coachman's house to see his wife and children, and +more so when the carriage was out late. She was a nice, pleasant woman, +and there were some pretty little children. We often laughed about the +man with the kilts. My shipmate, Mary, the cook, was sought for in +marriage by the baker of the ship. I was her bridesmaid. They had the +goodwill of everyone. I sorely missed her. She was older than I, and so +bright, and we went out a lot together. The man went to work at his +trade at Unley, and I went to see them at Goodwood in their little home. +Goodwood and Unley were then in their littleness. There were but few +houses here and there, and no tramcars. How changed all is! One of the +housemaids had her home in Glen Osmond, and kindly took me to see her +parents and brothers and sisters. What pleasure they all gave me, and +they wished to make me glad, because I was a lone girl, so far from all +I knew. My fellow-servant belonged to the Anglican Church in the Glen. I +went with her sometimes. Our lady mistress gave a tray in aid of +something for the church, and had suitable provisions sent there. Then +she graciously allowed the housemaid and myself to attend, as she could +not go herself. The retention of the memory of those days is easy, +seeing that only the other day I saw my helper at that tea-tray looking +so well. She has been a happy wife for many years. Many others with whom +I got acquainted at that time, and who were well satisfied with being +house servants, could be named to-day. + +Letters came to say that my people were on the way out. I got restless +and ill at ease, anxious to make some household arrangement for them. I +thought Glen Osmond and the hills were beautiful, but I knew that they +could not come there to live. I could get an afternoon to visit town now +and then. I could have done so more often than I did if I had cared to. +I came to town one afternoon, and went to the home in King +William-street to learn about my ship friends. While I was speaking to +the matron a gentleman came to ask if she knew of a young girl who would +do for a house of business at No. 10, Rundle-street, in the city. She +asked me if I knew of anyone. Impulsively I offered myself, as it would +mean that I would be in town to look out for some place for my relatives +when they landed. The gentleman, too, spoke with such a Scotch accent. +As it would all be a possible help, there seemed to be nothing to do but +to accept the offer, although anguish and indecision was there also. + + + + +MY FATHER AND BROTHER ARRIVE. + + +So I came to Rundle-street, No. 10. It was a butcher's shop then. My +employer had been the shopman, and had bought the business from his +employers, who had lived on the premises. Being a bachelor, he, too, +lived there, and my duties were to attend to his needs and to those of +his shopman, and some youths who slept on the premises, and to prepare +plain meals for them. It was odd to me at first, for everything was +upstairs, except the dining-room. The rooms were plainly furnished, and +I had a lot of time to go out and in. There was no one to say an unkind +word to me. My master had some brothers in a different business. They +came frequently, and were so good to me that I claim them as friends to +this day and will while I live. + +I had the hope that I would live with my father and brother when they +arrived. I understood my own intentions, but what would I have done then +if I had thought that men could be so cruel--cruel as I find what the +spirit of bitter cruelty is now. All the world seemed to me so true +then. Although I was thousands of miles from every one who knows me or +cares for me, all the time I felt so guarded and so happy in my efforts, +and I had everything necessary for a decent and comfortable existence. +The lady from Sunnyside would come out in her carriage and see how I was +getting along, and some of my fellow-servants would come and see me. We +could go up to a room and look out into Rundle-street. I was not at all +lonely. And as the time went on, how I watched for that ship to come. It +was expected to arrive about the middle of August, and not in hot +weather like we had. + +At last it was nearly due. I had engaged a house for them. It was small, +and I had only taken it for a time. I had some of my shipmates to help +me fix it up. I had to pay two weeks' rent before they landed, awaiting +the arrival of the Art Union. I was there one morning, but the ship was +a long way out in the bay. There being no railway from the Port, I +walked along with my basket full of all sorts of things for them. It was +so rough that no one would go out to where the ship was anchored, except +the health officers. They went, and I waited until they came back, to +learn if all was well on board. In the afternoon someone came with a +boat, and told me if I did not think it too rough he would take me to +the ship. It being decided that no one should be landed till the next +day, I went out in the boat, and I never had such a rough time on the +sea. When the boat got alongside the big ship it banged against the side +and bounded out again ever so many times. I looked up and saw my dear +brother. He was the first I saw. They let down the gangway, and my +brother descended, and when the boat hove to again he caught me, and I +got on the steps and soon found myself on the deck with all my kin once +more. It was quite a year and a half since I saw them. My sister's +little girl knew me, and held me by the skirts. I talked to my father. +The dear man, how pleased I was to think that I had them all here, and I +thought all my trouble was over, which, however, proved not to be the +case. + +The boat that I went out in came and went two or three times between the +ship and the shore. I waited on deck, hoping for a calmness, so I could +get them all to come ashore. My sister had a little baby girl that I had +not seen before. She would not run the risk of being wrecked so near the +beach, but my father and brother landed with me. How delighted my dear +father was when he felt his feet on land again. We had to walk to the +Port, and it was dark and cold. When we got to the station the last +train had gone, and we had to get lodgings in the Port all night. I knew +that at No. 10 they would do the best they could till I came. They all +knew where I had gone, and were sympathetic. So I brought my brother and +father to Adelaide, and showed them where the house was that I had taken +for them, and they did not go into a house without something being +provided for them. My master sent a man with a butcher's tray with the +choicest of meat on it for them. He said that the burden I had to carry +was too heavy for my young shoulders. + +I was disappointed, and failed to see why my father would not settle in +Adelaide. He wanted to go all over the place. My brother-in-law went to +work at once in some blacksmith's shop, but my father and brother went +up to Moonta. I had promised to go, and be their housekeeper when they +got settled. But learning that Moonta was a mining place it got mixed in +my mind with Slamannan. I could see that my father, at least, did not +like South Australia. I thought that if I went from place to place with +them I would be penniless and without a roof. Still, I felt sure that I +must do what was right, even if I did not know where I was going. So I +wrote and told them I would go to Moonta. Accordingly I went to the +Port, and saw Captain Wells, of the steamship Eleanor. He went to Moonta +regularly. I did not like leaving No. 10, Rundle-street. It was a very +restless time. Captain Wells asked me a lot of questions, and told me he +thought I would not like Moonta, if only because of the scattered +thinness of the population. I got my trappings on board the Eleanor. I +was the only girl passenger on board. In fact, there was no other woman +at all. Captain Wells talked to me about bringing out the Eleanor all +the way from England entirely, and fully under his own control. I then +asked him if he knew Captain Matthews, who was the captain of the +Morning Star, and he told me that he had known him in England. I thought +Captain Wells just such another good man. He was kind to me, and saw +that I was comfortable. He pointed out all the places, and told me the +names. We saw Port Wallaroo and Port Wakefield. The Eleanor ran into +Port Clinton, and there being no jetty, I got into a little boat. Then a +horse and cart came into the sea a good long way, and I got out of the +boat and into the cart, in which I got to land. I could not see any +houses, but was told that there was one house at Port Clinton. A +conveyance was there to take me to Kadina. It went no farther that day. +I stopped at the Wombat Hotel, and how pleased I was to find one of my +shipmates there as housemaid. I was covered with dust. It was my first +experience of the country in Australia. In the morning some other kind +of public vehicle carried me on to Moonta. I got there in the +afternoon. My father and brother were waiting for me on the roadside. +They did not live in Moonta township. Once more I was glad, realising +that they had missed me, and were pleased to see me again. + +My father worked at a building in Moonta, some large hotel, as a +carpenter, and my brother, with some of his shipmates, was again in the +mines. Just fancy his coming to Australia only to go in the mines again. +Alas, for my castles in the air. There were scarcely any women or girls +about, and particularly where we lived they were all mining men, many of +them waiting for their wives and families, who had been sent for. Ever +so many seemed to live in one or two little houses like the one we had. +And just think of it! Some men had places dug in the ground and covered +in some rough way. I used to feel so troubled. There was nothing that I +could do except cook and take father's dinner into Moonta every day. The +wee house we had had no garden attached to it, or anything bright about +it, and there were only earth floors. The same kind of houses and +buildings were everywhere, set down anyhow. Some end to end and some +sideways. For the most part they were whitewashed. There were a lot of +trees and scrub, and the worst of it was that my father was so +uncomfortable about the heat, and reproached me for bringing him out to +South Australia. My brother was nice, but it was a hard time for me. +Tears would come as I tried to realise what it all meant. At last when +we had been there about six months, father came home before dinner and +told me that he was not going to work any more at Moonta, but was going +with someone to Angaston, and that we were all going to that town. I did +not know before that he had partly bought the house, but he said that he +had sold it again. I admit that I was glad beyond words. So father +arranged for my brother and me to return to Adelaide, and to take his +tool-chest and all the movables while he fixed up about the house. It +was not smooth and bright for me, as everything had gone wrong, and I +feared that what had begun badly would go on badly. The truth crossed my +mind, and a keen disappointment ensued, for I feared they would upset +all that I had arranged for their benefit. I was not twenty years old, +and anyway I was used to fitting myself into a work-woman. I could see +people were sorry when I went away, and glad to see me again and I had +not been badly treated as a servant. + +We had to buy water and go and fetch it, and then it was condensed +water. I felt glad when the time was fixed for leaving Moonta. I saw no +evil. The people seemed frank and kindly, but the fewness of women made +me miserable. I only saw three in the place where we were. Two elderly +women and a younger woman. On the other hand, there were hundreds of +men, and when I had to go anywhere it seemed as if I had to pass +through a long procession of men. I was shy, but they were offenceless. +How many times I have wished to see Moonta again, to see the progress +that has been made. I thought my father so terribly foolish, and I was +fond of him. He was comparatively a young man. Brother and I got on +board the steamer and we arranged that we would stay with my sister till +father came. We were both in doubt what we should do. Some mischance +happened to our boxes, which left me in a state of hopelessness. We had +a tool chest, which did not look large, but it was a great weight, and +the man moving it did not know that, and somehow he let it fall into the +little boat with such a force that it upset the boat, and the men and +all our boxes were floating about in the sea. All our things were +spoiled, and the tools as well. + +My mind was made up I could not live in such a fashion and comply with +the request to go to whatever place the others chose. So when I got to +Adelaide again I told some ladies I knew that I would go to service +again. And at once I was engaged to go to the Government farm for a +month or six weeks, to be the attendant of Sir R. D. Ross, who had just +married, or was on the eve of getting married, to Miss Baker. It is +called the National Park now. It was very lonely. I was there a few days +and nights before they came. The house was a little way from the +principal buildings, that being the caretaker's place. An elderly man +and his wife lived there. She was so deaf that she had to have a horn to +her ear all the time. It was a beautiful place. There were two houses, +one being called the old farm, and the other the new. All that I had to +do was to keep good fires in the rooms to make them warm. It was cold +weather. At last the bridal party arrived, and the lady brought a lady's +maid with her. What a gentleman Sir Robert Ross was, and the lady, how +gentle of manner! The troopers' horses were left on the farm to run when +they were not wanted. They told me that from east to west the distance +was nine miles of extended wood. That was the length of the "farm." I +slept in the old farmhouse all by myself for nearly a week. In the +daytime I never went far from the house for fear I would not find it +again. I was taken there in a waggonette with a lady and gentleman. And +they were afraid they would never find the place. It was almost dark +when we got there, and the roads were not very distinguishable. The lady +and gentleman did not stop all night, but the caretaker's wife showed me +where I was to sleep. I slept, but I did not then think that I was all +by myself in that large building, with nothing having life except the +troopers' horses, the opossums, and the wild cats. When I got older I +could not do such a thing. + +Sir R. D. Ross and his lady were fond of horse-riding, and horses were +brought for them. The Government farm was an ideal spot for a honeymoon +then. It was just the sort of place to escape attention. During the rest +of the time I enjoyed the friendship of the lady's maid, and we strolled +together through the woods. She was a colonial, bright and full of +adventure. Her name was Martha, and she fairly danced along like a wild +bird. It was a great treat to me after my solitude at Moonta. Martha did +not know whether her young mistress would settle here or not. For my +part I hoped they would, and that they would think me likely to be +serviceable to them. But such was not to be. Sir R. D. Ross had to go to +Maoriland rather hastily. War was either in progress or some hostility +with the Maories was contemplated, and he had some command in the +military forces. He took his wife to New Zealand with him. The brightest +is the fleetest. I was left alone at the Government farm. That would not +matter, except that I shrank from going home. I was to stop for a week +to put all the things in their place, and to leave it all tidy. Some +goods were to be sent for from Morialta. + +One evening while I was sitting in the verandah listening to the +opossums, I heard a footstep and a cough. I was preparing to run to the +caretaker's, when I found that it was my brother. He had been all day +trying to find the farm. I was pleased to see him, and he wrote home and +told our people that he would stay with me till I had finished there. He +helped me a lot. He told me that father had taken a little workshop in +Leigh-street, off Hindley-street, where he was doing some carpentering +work. They went to and fro to my sister's house for meals. My brother +was still young, and he felt bitterly upset. He recognised what I must +feel, and that I was not happy with father. What a failure I had made! +My brother told me not to fret, as I had done the best I could ever +since he could remember. In a few days I packed up, and in two or three +weeks I was on my way to the South-East. + + + + +I GO TO THE SOUTH-EAST. + + +I had not been long out from Scotland before, after some experience in +and around Adelaide, I found that I would get more wages in the country. +So I made enquiry at a labor office, kept by Mr. Malcolm, in +Hindley-street. About this time there was a great demand for good +willing servant-girls. Mr. Malcolm told me that he wanted two young +girls for a sheep-station in the South-East, near Bordertown. The +station was called Wirrega, and was owned by a Mr. Binney. I was not +well posted up in the geography of the country, and when I was told that +we would go to our destination in a steamboat, the Penola, I took it for +granted that it would be like going from Glasgow to the seaside. I was +quite willing to go provided that he found another girl to go with me. +In a day or two he sent for me to say that he had found a companion for +me. She was to be the needlewoman, and I would be the laundress. Our +employer paid our passage-money, and we signed an agreement to stop for +a year. + +We got our little trunks ready, and Mr. Malcolm came to see us off at +the railway-station. We found our way to the steamboat, hoping that we +would reach our journey's end that night. But, to our disgust, we had to +spend the night on board. Luckily it was in the month of November and +was not cold. The next day we landed at Robe. The landlord of the Robe +Hotel sent on board for us, as he had instructions to take charge of us +until we were sent for. We were surprised, for we thought that our +journey was over when we stepped off the boat. However, there was +nothing to complain of at the hotel, and our employer was paying our +expenses. But we were anxious to get to work, for we had but little +money, and, of course, our wages would not begin till we reached the +station. It was the shearing season, and the wool was brought to Robe +from all the country round. We used to sit on the jetty and watch the +loaded ships going out. + +We had been there for two weeks before a man called to say that he was +instructed to take us girls back with him. We had been told that it +would take us three or four weeks to get to the station from Robe, and +that our way lay through a wilderness of sand. What we had seen of +bullock-drivers made us shudder lest they should send for us to travel +under their tender care. + +We came downstairs to interview the man. How vividly I can see him even +now. He was ragged and covered with dust. His hair was projecting +through the top of his hat, and he had a whip in his hand. We asked him +what conveyance we were to travel by. He replied, "In a carriage and +six," meaning the bullock-dray. + +At this information both of us began to cry bitterly. We refused to go, +and thought of returning to Adelaide by the steamer, but my companion +told me we would be put in prison if we did that. We made such a scene +that the landlord and his wife came out to see what was the matter. When +he learned the state of affairs he comforted us and told us he would +write to Mr. Binney; so we awaited the result of his letter. A week +later, on a Saturday evening, a strange-looking vehicle, drawn by wild +horses, came into the yard. This was to be our conveyance. As the driver +was a pleasant, respectable, married man, and promised to take as much +care of us as he would of his own daughter we were much relieved in our +minds, but the difficulties of the road and the savage aspect of our +team still caused us dismay. + +Early on Sunday morning we started, for we were told that if the horses +had a whole day's rest no power on earth would get them into harness +again. They had never been stabled, and as they pranced, foaming at the +mouth and making the sparks fly from the cobblestones, they attracted +much attention from a large crowd of onlookers. As they bounded out of +the yard we held tight to the seat and said our prayers, for we thought +we had not many more minutes to live. + +Twelve miles of good road brought us to a small hotel called The Stone +Hut. Here we halted for a few seconds, and then made a dive into a sea +of wild ferns that extended as far as the eye could reach. Suddenly, +without any warning, the vehicle stopped with a crash, and our driver +disappeared from our astonished sight. We had struck the hidden root of +an old tree. Presently he reappeared from under the feet of the horses, +and congratulated us on having sufficient pluck and presence of mind to +hold the reins. + +After this incident all went well, and at about 8 o'clock we arrived at +a sheep station, where many men were shearing and where no white women +had ever been before. The shearers took out the horses and brought us +some tea in a pannikin. Our vehicle was turned upside down and covered +over with rugs. Under that rude shelter we spent a sleepless night. + +The next day's journey took us through a wilderness of sand. Now and +then a few blacks would appear from behind a hill and fly precipitately +at the sight of us. About 9 o'clock that night we reached the home +station, fatigued and dusty. Mr. Binney was in Melbourne, so Mrs. Binney +met us and gave us a good scolding for the trouble we had caused in +order to have us brought from Robe. But she was Scotch, and we were +Scotch, and so our explanations were soon accepted. + +When the morning came I found myself in the Australian bush. Another +young girl, who was housemaid, took me with her. Her father and mother +were at the station as house cooks. They consoled me by telling me that +I would like being there when I got used to it. Truth to tell, I was +anxious to begin my year's service, and so was up betimes. Numerous wild +birds, among which I distinguished the magpie, deafened me with a +bewildering clamor. + +With very mingled feelings I went to the laundry. It was built of wood, +but had many of the usual conveniences. The water I had to draw up from +a well by a windlass. + +The family consisted of Mr. and Mrs. Binney and five children--three +sons and two daughters. In addition there were a sister of Mr. Binney, +acting as governess to the children, and a Mr. John Binney, a cousin of +the owner, who was manager or overseer of the station. The comfortable +dwelling-house was one storey in height, and was built of stone. There +were several outbuildings and a large store, where all sorts of things +were kept for sale to the employes of the station. The place looked like +a little village. + +It was a common sight to see a man with his wife and children living in +a sort of gipsy van. The husband would be employed in "grubbing," or +clearing timber off the land. When the contract was completed the family +would pack up their goods in the van and journey to another station. At +stated times the families of some permanent employes, who lived a few +miles away, would come in on horseback for their rations. Our employers, +and, in fact, everybody about us, were very gentle and considerate in +their dealing with us. + +At first I was afraid of the blacks, of whom there were a great many +about the house. They all had nicknames, and had been trained to be very +useful. One morning I plucked up courage to venture near their +"wurlies." I shall never forget the scene. A number of little black +babies were crawling about in the wet, dewy grass, and the sunlight was +glistening on their naked little backs. But the children were afraid of +us, and would creep under the bushes when they saw us coming. We used +all go to see their "corrobories." Sometimes they would be away for days +fighting with another tribe, but no strange blacks ever came to attack +them. They were fond of showing us their implements of war, of which +they had a great variety. I was surprised to hear them talk in fairly +good English, and sometimes with a broad Scotch accent. Even the +children spoke English well. + +They were remarkably agile, too. They would mount perfectly wild horses +that would have succeeded in killing a white man. As soon as they were +fairly mounted they would fly in the air like rockets, but, like cats, +they always landed on their feet. They were splendid mimics, and used +their powers of imitation to play many tricks. Some of them would go off +among the bushes and imitate the hens. This would bring out the old cook +with her basket. When she found the trick that had been played on her +she would be very cross, much to the delight of the blacks. But +sometimes they would do her a good turn. If she wanted a wild turkey she +had only to tell them so, and one of the blacks would dress himself up +with boughs and lie down where the wild turkeys came to drink. When the +unsuspecting bird came close to what he imagined was a bush a black hand +would shoot out and grab him by the leg. So, after all, it paid the cook +to be friendly with the blacks. + +This was an ideal place for a naturalist. The blacks used to bring in a +wonderful variety of eggs, and the place was famed for its bird-life. We +had many pets. In fact, what with tame kangaroos, opossums, and emus +the place resembled a menagerie. I made a pet of an emu, which used to +wait for me at the laundry door every morning. I dressed it up in an old +pinafore, and it was so pleased that it followed me wherever I went. + +In the early days the wild dogs had been a great pest. Wild cats were +numerous, but no one minded them much. At the end of the laundry there +was a slab hut, where they kept the beef and mutton hanging. The cats +would come here in dozens when all was dark and quiet. If a light was +brought they would immediately scamper off. They were beautiful +creatures, partly black and partly white. + +I marvelled at the bravery of the men who opened up the interior. Mr. +John Binney, Mr. Clark, and Mr. McLeod were the first white men to form +settlements on that great expanse of country. With so many hostile +blacks around they must have had a fearful time. Mrs. Binney showed us a +tree, in the trunk of which Mr. Binney used to hide from the blacks. Our +nearest neighbors were ten miles away, and the Tatiara township was +about sixteen miles from the station. The police had their quarters at +Tatiara, which, in those days, was composed of huts. I went there once, +and found only one substantial building. It was an hotel. Once in every +three months a bush missionary held services in this hotel. We all went +to these services, some on horseback and some driving. + +The months passed on, and I grew to like the life. Everybody was busy, +for there was plenty to do. The lowing of the cattle, driven in for +branding, became familiar music to my ears. But, isolated as we were, +and simple and rough as the life was, I could not complain of any +monotony. Sometimes a hawker would visit us with a large van drawn by a +team of bullocks. He would camp for days, and do a brisk trade as a +general provider of the wants of the little community. He found good +customers among the blacks, for they earned a little money during +shearing-time. + +Nor were we entirely devoid of the amusements of town-life. More than +once a travelling Christy Minstrel Company came to the station. The +performers would stay all night and give a theatrical show in the +laundry, which I gave up to them for the purpose. From miles around the +place station-hands would come to see the show. + +The young girl, who went up with me and myself got on nicely together. +In the light of added years I can look back now and feel grateful for +the hard training I went through then and the lessons those early days +taught me. Sometimes we caught glimpses of the many mysteries of the +silent bush. The presence of troopers and black-trackers about the +station would tell us that something unusual had happened. It might be +that the dead body of a man had been found a little way from the +station. A consultation of all hands would be held, and the unknown +would receive a decent burial, while efforts would be made to discover +his identity. When any of the station-hands died they were buried in a +little enclosure near the station. If they had lived far out on the +boundary of the run they were buried near their huts. + +What the blacks did with their dead puzzled us. Mr. Binney insisted that +they must be buried, and the dusky relatives would obey. But, shortly +afterwards, the graves would be rifled, and the corpses would +mysteriously disappear. I asked a very old lubra to tell me what was +done with the dead, and she horrified me by replying, "Big one, cookem +on sticks." + +While I was there Mr. Binney sent a mob of horses to Adelaide. Some of +the blacks went with them to help the drovers. They came back by water. +Then it was amusing to hear them describe what they had seen in +Adelaide. They called the steamboat "Big one wheelbarrow." They said +that something pulled them along with "tether ropes on the big one +water." + +There was one old lubra called "Kitty, the postman." When Mr. Binney +first came into that part of the country, Kitty showed him where to get +water for his oxen, and on that spot he began his life as a +sheep-farmer. Kitty would carry letters for him to his friends as far +away as thirty miles. He could always depend on her honesty and +efficiency, so she became a privileged character. She must have been of +a great age when I saw her, for she remembered well the time when no +white man could be seen in the land. She had free entry to any of the +buildings, and loved to smoke her pipe in the men's hut, for all the +aboriginies, both men and women, smoked. She told me that the blacks did +not hate the white men so much as they did the blacks of other tribes. + +The cook at the men's hut was frequently visited by "sundowners." He +told me that many of these stated that they were sons of doctors or +clergymen, and were well educated men. I had a strange experience with a +"traveller." One evening, when our candles were lit for the evening +meal, a boundary rider brought in a woman whom he found wandering about +by herself. There was a vacant place by me and she sat down. As she had +a sunbonnet on I could not see her face well. Every visitor that came so +late would stop all night, so the question arose "Where was she to +sleep?" Not one of us was willing to share our room with her, so Mrs. +Binney said she must sleep in the laundry. I took here there and she sat +down while I prepared her bed. In order to see her face I put a lighted +candle close to her, but she immediately blew it out. Then she took out +a pipe and began to smoke. From a glimpse I caught of her features I +thought she looked like a man. So I went to tell Mrs. Binney. As the +laundry was full of valuable clothes I thought something might be +stolen, or the place might be set fire to by the sparks from the +stranger's pipe. I was really afraid of her; and so it was decided that +she was not to sleep in the laundry. The needlewoman came with me, and +we told her that she might sleep in an unused hut beyond the fence. In a +voice like thunder she said, "Show me where I am to sleep." The hut had +no door or glass in the window, so I pinned my apron over the window, +and then we fled in terror. + +She did not wait for breakfast, but went away in the early morning with +one of our teamsters--the man who had found her. When they had gone +about six miles she jumped out of the dray, and ran into the bush. The +driver went on to Tatiara and told the police. After that I was worried +by troopers and blacktrackers. The questions they asked me would have +filled a book. They picked up the tracks near Wellington, but lost them +again. They all thought, as I did, that our strange visitor was a man +dressed in woman's clothing. + +But there were pleasanter incidents than these. The arrival of "her +Majesty's Royal Mail" was looked forward to with eagerness by all. The +coach was a queer-looking vehicle, with a large "V.R." painted on it. +The horses were changed at the station, and the coach went on to Tatiara +township, calling at other stations both coming and going. How quickly +"mail day" seemed to come round again. Bushranging had been prevalent, +but the coach had always luckily escaped molestation. I like looking +back after all this time. + +It seemed lonely, for we were far from the sight of anybody we knew, and +visitors were scarce. The needlewoman and I used lo take the children +out amongst the tall gum trees. We had no perambulator, but there was a +little Scotch pony for the baby to sit on. The foliage of the trees was +dense, and they were close together, but we could always find the +tracks. One day we went a long way, and the little pony stepped into +what seemed to be a circle of snakes. He stood still, and so did we, for +we were too frightened to move. The snakes fairly leaped from the ground +and bounded in amongst the young bushes. I never ventured so far into +the woods again, but I saw more snakes after that. A dog was a very good +protector, for by his barking he would always show us where the snakes +were. The housemaid, whom I have alluded to, found a snake under her +pillow one night when she was going to bed. We shared the same room, but +I am happy to say I never saw a snake in the room. The bedroom was right +outside the house, and there was nothing to hinder the snakes from +entering it, so that it may easily be imagined that we were careful +where we stepped. + +Our time was passing away. We could see by the preparations at the +woolshed that the shearing season was near. The loneliness and silence +of the bush gave place to the bustle and hum of human beings hurrying +about. There were supposed to be altogether about a hundred men in and +about the sheds, and where all the people came from was a mystery to me. +What with woolclassing and woolwashing and woolsorting and the packing +the wool into great bales ready to send to England there was a lot of +work. In the middle of it all came the surveyors with a staff of men to +cut up the land in allotments, as Mr. Binney's lease had nearly expired. +Now the train to Melbourne runs through what were then desolate wilds. + +They wanted me to stop for another year, but I would not. Mrs. Binney +said I was the only girl who had ever left the station without getting +married. I told her I had a suitor somewhere else. The young girl who +went up with me was married to a "cockatoo" farmer. I hope she has been +happy, for she was a nice girl. I have been a wife now for 26 years. +Life is full of changes. It was not stated in the agreement I made that +Mr. Binney should pay our expenses back to Adelaide. I had not thought +of that when I was engaged to go the South-East. I thought the journey +was such a short one that we could come and go when we liked. It was +settled that I would return by the mail coach and wait at the hotel for +my trunk, which was to be sent by the wool-dray. There was no other +choice for me. By this time I was well acquainted with the driver of the +mail, as he used to have lunch with us sometimes. He was a middle-aged +man with a wife and family, and was understood to be reliable. So far I +had trusted everybody, for I was young and happy, and I did not feel the +least afraid. + + + + +I LEAVE THE STATION AND RETURN TO ADELAIDE. + + +From this time the days flew by quickly till the last night I was to +spend in the bush came round. Truly, I never knew till then that I had +so many friends. People came from such a distance to say "Good-bye," for +the coach started early in the morning. I had a cheque from Mr. Binney, +and I had never had so much money before in all my life. I was told to +get it cashed at Robetown, as Mr. Binney had no banking account in +Adelaide. I had a nice present, too, from Mrs. Binney, and one from Miss +Binney, which I have yet in my possession. + +In the morning they were all up to see me off, and there was a scene of +great excitement. Amongst the rest there were blacks from all round, +shouting at the top of their voices, "You white lubra, what for you go +away from my country." I had a very kindly send-off, and with tears in +my eyes, I bid adieu to all. All the way along the driver pointed out to +me places of interest with such queer names, such as "Biscuit Flat," +"Black Joe's Corner," "Binney's Lookout," and many others which I have +forgotten. What interested me most was, however, the name of the place +where I was to stop for the night. It was called "Mosquito Plains," and +I wondered if any mosquitoes were there. + +That evening we reached the "Mosquito Plains." I forget the name of the +hotel where we stayed for the night, but I remember that the old +landlord was making way for a new one and that there was a great crowd +in and about the bar. Mr. Sinclair, the mail-driver, took me to the +woman of the house and asked her to find a room for me, as I was leaving +by the mail in the morning. I never saw him again. + +I slept little that night, as the people were pacing about the hotel all +night. The woman I had seen before told me that the coach would start +about 3 o'clock in the morning. Daylight was just breaking as I wearily +got ready for my unknown journey. The driver of the mail was a quiet +young man. There seemed a lot of parcels and luggage, but I was the only +woman among the passengers. I hoped to reach Kingston that night. I was +not much interested in our stopping-places, as I was longing to be back +in Adelaide. + +I had no one to talk to, so I stood by the coach while the horses were +being got ready. I heard a gentleman say, "Has anybody thought of +getting a cup of tea for this girl?" and the answer was "No." Then he +said, "I will." In the bar they were all drinking by the lamplight, and +he held a little saucepan over the lamp and made me a cup of tea. I +watched him from where I was standing, with grateful thoughts that could +not find expression. I often saw that gentleman afterwards in Adelaide. +I was often tempted to go up to him and thank him for that cup of tea, +but I did not like to do so, as I never learnt his name. + +At last we were off. The inside of the coach was filled with luggage, so +the passengers all sat outside, and the arrangement was not very +comfortable, as there was nothing to rest one's back against. Some of +the men who mounted the coach that morning were the worse for drink. +Still, no one said anything unpleasant to me. We went speeding along +through desolate scrub. The road, or, rather, the mail track, was very +uneven, and I expected every moment to be thrown out. I asked the driver +what I was to hold on by. He laughed and answered, "Hold on by your +eyebrows." There were places on the wayside for refreshments, and about +8 o'clock we had breakfast at one of these. + +I would have liked to stop at Mosquito Plains to have a look round, but +on account of the change of landlords the hotel was topsy-turvy, and I +did not care for the woman I saw there. I was disappointed, for I knew +that I would have to wait at Robe till the wool-dray came with my +things, and there are some very interesting caves near Mosquito Plains, +which is now called "Narracoorte." + +We arrived at Kingston and drove at once to the Kingston Hotel, which +was kept by an ex-trooper from Adelaide. To my astonishment a +nicely-dressed little blackgirl met me at the door. She came to see what +I wanted. She was about 12 or 13 years old, and was the only female +attendant in the hotel. I was a little upset, but I thought that I must +not be too particular for one night, so I told her I would like some +tea. She brought me quite a nice cup of tea on a tray and told me that +the master would come and see me soon. + +Presently the landlord came in. He was evidently in difficulties. He +told me that his wife had been dead two months, and his sister had been +keeping house for him; but that, owing to the sickness of his little +son, she had to take the boy away to his grandmother. He said she would +return on the following day. I asked if there was no other white woman +about the place. He answered--"Yes, there is one; but she is ill in bed: +and I am at my wit's end." I asked if I could see her, as, being a +working-girl myself, I thought I might do something for her. The man was +much agitated and replied--"Yes. She is a married woman and has been in +my employ for six weeks. She had a baby this morning." + +He led me through a long billiard-room and a kitchen, where some +black-gins were sitting round a fire smoking, into a little back-room in +the yard. There lay the poor woman and her face lit up with joy to see +another white woman. I soon learned her story, which was like that of +many other wanderers. Her husband had gone away to look for work, and +had forgotten to come back. I sympathised with her trouble and did what +I could for her that night. + +On enquiry I learned that there was a doctor staying at the hotel. He +was attending to several men, who were suffering from ophthalmia after +shearing. But my sympathy was all with that weak woman and the dear, +little baby. I learned, also, that there were only a few white women in +Kingston. + +Two young men who had been shipmates with me in the Morning Star came +into the hotel the next morning. Their name was Ring, and they were with +their father, Mr. Herbert Ring, who had a contract to facilitate the +shipping of goods at Kingston, as before that no ships could come in +near the shore. I was pleased to see them. They are both in Adelaide now +as sharebrokers. They brought their father to see me and it seemed like +civilisation again. But I had not yet done with the mail-coach. + +As the coach left Kingston every day, I determined to stop with the sick +woman till the landlord's sister came home. Meanwhile the people about +were negotiating with the landlord to get up a supper as they wished to +celebrate the opening of a branch of some lodge. I think that the +Messrs. Ring were the principal officials in that lodge. So when the +housekeeper came I set to work and helped her prepare this bush +"banquet." I did not know very much, but every little was a help, and +they all said the supper was splendid. + +Just in the middle of the preparations for supper a travelling dramatic +company arrived and began to get ready to hold a performance that +evening in the billiard-room. I never saw such a mixed lot of people +together. I looked for the doctor, expecting to see a man in decent +black clothes, but he was dressed in old, tattered garments, just like +the poor shearers to whom he was attending. I understood the reason of +this when I saw him staggering about. Be was a very clever man, but +abandoned to drink. + +The little black girl was a great help. She could fetch and carry for +these poor men, who, I am afraid, were very much neglected. I saw a +little of the country about Kingston and liked the look of the whole +place very much. My stay at the hotel lasted from a Tuesday to the +following Saturday, when the landlord drove me into Robe in his own +waggonette. I had no bills to pay and received some remuneration for +being so helpful. For years afterwards, if anybody who knew me stayed at +the hotel, they heard kind things of me and brought me nice messages. +Neither my trunk nor the steamboat had arrived, so I had to wait till +the next Saturday at the Robe Hotel. The same people were there as when +I went to Mr. Binney's. I felt just as if I were at home with them, for +they were so interested in my experiences all through that year in the +bush. I had enjoyed good health all the time I was away, and I arrived +in Adelaide safe and well. + +It was on a Sunday afternoon when I reached the Port, and my brother was +on the dock waiting for me. Father and he were living at Hilton. They +had a horse and trap, and my brother drove me to Hilton; but I was not +many days at home, when I found that my father seemed in touch with some +acquaintance I did not like; I felt outside of everything, and asked +myself why I came back if there was nothing to come back for. I was out +of sympathy with my surroundings, I learned that my father was about to +get married again, and I felt as if I was not wanted. I could see that +the old condition of things had changed. In any case, everything seemed +hard for me, and I could not put matters right for other people. At +best, there would be a muddle, and I thought if things came to an end +quickly it would not be so hard to go. I had to go forward alone, I +knew, and to face bitterness and desolation. When some one said, "I +wonder you sent for your people," I thought that it did not matter +whether or not I lived at home, for I could not skip out of their lives. +Wherever they were they were my relations. Still, if there are no +love-ties, that makes loneliness more solitary. There was no ill-will, +but my brother said that he would not live with father and his new wife. + +So we had to do something. I told my brother that I must have some work +to do, and then we might manage some little business. What else could we +do? It was either that or we would have to go and live in a top-garret +somewhere. So we took a house with a shop attached in Rundle-street. It +stood this side of the Tavistock Hotel, but it was pulled down many +years ago. There is now a saddler's business there. I had it fixed up as +tearooms, and my brother made furniture. In any case I had to face a new +kind of life, and I had no right to grumble. When we were children I +remembered the happy comradeship which always existed between my brother +and myself, and I was glad to be alone with him. It was a splendid time +and we did fairly well, and had something to give thanks for. I could +not expect that happiness to continue, and when we had been there for +some time I had a strong belief that all the rest would come right in +time. It was a joy to feel that I was working for my brother. Such +trivial incidents may not seem worth recording, but that was my only +experience in business on my own account. Youth is full of hope, but I +did not know what I hoped for. There was the present and the future to +think about. + +Just at that time a Scotch corps of volunteers were raised. It was the +first in South Australia to wear the kilts. There was such merriment +about this dressing every day. Mr. Buik had an ironmongers shop in +Rundle-street, and he was the captain. My brother also became a kilted +volunteer. The kilts were sent from Scotland partly made, and then +altered so as to make a suitable fit. They looked nice, only the +stockings were of some kind of checked tartan, with no shape or figure. +I knew how to knit, so I knitted a pair of stockings for my brother, and +set in the wool in different coloring and in diamond shape. They looked +unlike the others, and they were made to fit. Mr. Buik came to me and +asked me if I would do a hundred pairs. I was so surprised, that I +thought I would not knit any more stockings which could be seen. In the +Foot Police at that time there was a Scotchman who stood, so they said, +over six feet in height; his name was Archie Dixon. He had his own kilts +and knitted stockings, together with the bagpipes. He brought all the +equipage with him from Scotland, and truly he did look a picture in the +kilts. The past is, indeed, past, but it all comes back to me when I +want it. + +The news spread about that in a few months the Queen's son, the Sailor +Prince, would visit Australia. I can trust my memory for that time. It +can never be forgotten. As for the people, it is no exaggeration to say +they were full of joy, as in some sort of way it appeared that this +visit was to be made a pleasure for all. I seemed to have no plans in +life except to see the Prince. In a few weeks the warship Galatea came +in to port. It was a fearfully hot day, and the Scotch Volunteers, with +Mr. Archie Dixon in the front playing the bagpipes, went all the way to +the Port, with other volunteers as well, to meet Prince Alfred. The town +was all one "festival." They marched in procession and came to the city. +In their route they marched around the spot where the new Post-Office +now is. I had a nice seat on some of the old buildings in King +William-street. The men who wore the kilts must have suffered from the +heat. However, there was the Queen's son, bowing and looking so +distinguished as he passed along to Government House. Sir Dominick Daly +was there, too. There was no electricity then, but the splendor of the +gaslight in the night-time will not easily be forgotten, nor the vast +crowds who gathered there. + +The drawback all this gaiety had for us was that we had not much +capital. I did not want anything in the way of stock, but my brother's +work was different, for to make it he needed materials; worse still, he +let furniture go on credit, not realising enough to meet his debts. On +turning back to that time my thoughts were not glad. I could not be gay, +for I could see no brightness in the future. It was said by some that my +acts and life showed great self-denial, but if it did it did not bring +me any of the inward satisfaction which is said to come from such deeds. +I thought I must try and get a new place, for I could see that my +brother was seriously in love with a young woman. Then came the final +decision, and I went and saw Mr. J. N. Hines, at Parliament House, with +the hope of getting some employment daily, as he had so much catering to +do while the Prince was here and in other ways. I used to go to the Town +Hall, and also help at Parliament House. My first employer, at No. 10, +Rundle-street, had got married, or I should have liked to go back there. +Having to be independent and to take care of myself for more than eleven +years I had learnt to use my knowledge and be hopeful. I daresay there +are plenty who will remember the stampede of that time. There was a +sense of whirl during the whole time of that brilliant visit, and its +influence was considerable with us so far as ways and means were +concerned. + +We both made up our minds not to get into debt, and we did not, but as +matters went it might have been better to have gone to a situation at +once. I could not take any particular kind of work, but I could help +with most things generally. I can easily recall how little attempt there +was to understand anything regarding cooking, and there were no men +cooks in Adelaide then. The foundations of the Club House on +North-terrace were being dug out while I was at No. 10, Rundle-street, +and it was occupied when I came back from Moonta. A married couple had +the management of the Club, and I got to know the manager through being +at the Town Hall banquets and other places, so I went to help at the +Club. The cooking was very crude. The manager had been a steward on +board ship, and was not well up as a caterer. The work was not at all +delicately done, and I did not like either the manager or the +manageress. I did not stop long at the only club that was then in +Adelaide. Many years have rolled away since then. The affairs of myself +and brother were disposed in such a way that I had many doubts as to +what I should do; but youth is delightful while it lasts. + +One thing, I could not be idle. I secured a situation with a lady at New +Glenelg, and was to undertake, with the lady's teaching, household +duties. There were no children. The lady was Mrs. Brind, and another +young girl was kept. It was a comfortable home. We had everything +suitable, and I had a nice bedroom. For the first time since I left +Scotland I found myself living close to the sea, and that suggesting the +great joy of bathing in the ocean once again. How I loved that exercise, +and the sea was only such a little way from the house. My sister had the +care of my brother, and he used to come and see me occasionally. There +was something kind and admirable about Mrs. Brind. She was a leader in +society, there could be no doubt. She went everywhere, and did all sorts +of things. She could sing and act and dance, and, with the number of +guests always at the house, she made a charming hostess. In figure she +was somewhat stout, but had such a nice face, with not a furrow of +anxiety or care upon it. Mr. Brind was her second husband. She found +time, despite her society arrangements, to do kindnesses amongst various +persons, and more particularly to the children. She was whimsical and +kindly, and one day she came and asked me if I would let her alter the +cut of the skirt I wore on Sunday. Gored skirts were worn then, and I +suppose mine must have been straight up and down. Anyhow, it did not +please her. I let her have it, and with her own hands she altered it and +made it look so different. This unexpected treatment of my clothing was +done so pleasantly that I could not be angry. In respect of dress I was +old-fashioned, and had but little choice. + +I shall never forget one particular day. It was the other girl's day +out, and I had to attend to the bell. Mrs. Brind had also gone out. +Cards or messages I was to see to. I learned that Sir R. D. Ross and +Lady Ross and a baby girl were coming to stop for a few days. They had +come back from the Mainland war, and I confess I was pleased to get +everything in order for their arrival. It seemed so strange to think +that I was at the Government Farm to receive them the day, they were +married, and there I was again, two years afterwards, preparing for them +again. What a difference I saw in Sir R. D. Ross. His eyesight had +failed, and he could hardly see. But when he learned that I was in +waiting he came and brought his dear little daughter to show me. He +must have had exciting times in New Zealand, for he looked so worn and +worried. He had seen the Prince, and showed me a ring given to him by +the young Prince. I never saw Sir R. D. Ross again, but he was a +thorough gentleman, according to my standard, and he was Scotch. I +forget now where they had met the Prince first, but it was either in New +Zealand or in some of the other colonies. Any way, when the Prince came +back they were quite friendly. All this seems only the other day. I +confess to feeling fatigue in those years, but I have never felt myself +rusting, and even now I am hard at work, and, in apparent hopelessness, +will not despair. + +I stayed on at Mrs. Brind's, and found comfort in my work by the +seaside. The picture of what Glenelg looked like then is in my +remembrance yet. There was no railway, and the only way you could get to +Adelaide was by a kind of mail coach at stated times. You could book a +passage beforehand, but if you lost this bus or coach you would have to +walk to Glenelg or stop in town all night. The driver was Mr. George, or +"Dick" George. He had a pleasing manner, which made him the friend of +all. What with his teams of four or six horses and his cheerful voice +ringing out he made the Bay-road very lively. His voice had a haunting +ring never to be forgotten. There was a charm and quiet about the place +which is not present in the much-altered Glenelg of to-day. I think of +the mysterious and resistless disappearance of the people whom I knew +then, and it gives a touch of seriousness to my thoughts. + +But what a trial it was to me to have to mix so much with strangers; +still I managed to pull through. When we are very young we believe that +everyone has a heart. I brought myself to such a state that I had no +high aspirations except to live in a pure atmosphere. That remained, +even when all was gone, and I was left where the last tide had stranded +me. + +Many thoughts of the old time stir within me now. I can see a lady of +lofty lineage, who used to come so much to Mrs. Brind's. Her name was +Lady Charlotte Bacon. She looked dejected and laden with care. While she +was wandering about by herself sometimes she would come and sit down by +me on the sand, just as though she belonged to the disappointed and +ill-used of this life. I saw her some years afterwards sitting on the +steps of the Post-Office, in King William-street. She had a black bag in +her hand. I did not make myself known to her, and I heard of her death +not long after. Yes, there are noble sorrows on the high road. The lofty +are beaten by the tempests, which are as oppressive to them as they +would be to me, who am without defence. + +So life went onwards by pleasant dreams to a comfortable future. When I +had been with Mrs. Brind for about a year she used to get me to come +and read for her, as she was not well. She was very fond of Scotch +stories, and I could read them easily. There were no trained nurses in +those days, and Mrs. Brind grew so ill that she was advised to go for a +voyage and change of air. So it was decided that the house would be +closed for a time. We had plenty of time to find employment. I can at +this moment recall that without any effort on my part I was sought for. +I did not lack either energy or sincerity. I would fain have stopped +with Mrs. Brind, but I could not. + + + + +I GO BACK TO SUNNYSIDE. + + +I was told that someone was wanted at Sunnyside who could do cooking. I +knew enough for the place, as the family were growing up, and they kept +a lot of company. I was sorry for Mrs. Brind. She told me that she would +not live long. She had no relations in Adelaide, and her agitation +frightened me. She gave me a key and told me to unlock a drawer, and +showed me all her things ready for the last ordeal, if the worst should +happen. I felt a very great coward, and very uncomfortable. What a +relief I felt when the doctor said she was strong enough to go for a +change, and that he hoped for good results. + +I went and saw Lady Milne, and I felt a sense of gladness I was to go to +Sunnyside. It was a strange change for me, but only what might happen to +anyone in ordinary everyday life and amid human influences, to look on +those loved faces again. I was to have skilled help for all the large +parties and balls, and I turned at once to the practical duties of a +cook in a gentleman's house. I cannot help adding here that I have been +able to get my living in that capacity ever since that time, and that I +will give lessons this afternoon on cookery. It was like going back to +the old home. I had a good, wise, generous mistress, who would tell me +to put aside the past and trust to the future. I hardly knew what I +expected in the future, but I was happy there. While in this position I +soon recognised that cooking did not come by nature. Even the most +simple things cannot be done till they are taught. I got a cookery book. +I used to puzzle half the night over them, and then I did not get the +rudiments from that. + +People do not always remain the same, but are continually changing. This +can be said of everyone, and growing years make a great difference. +While I was away from Sunnyside the family, from being children, now +seemed to be men and women, most of them. This meant so much more +company. As I thought I could not fulfil the duties required of me, I +had many painful moments, although they had patience with me. I got to +dread the two caterers, who came alternately or both together. The +attention they wanted was more to me than all my other work. They took +such pains that I should not see anything of their skill, and I had hard +toil to learn even gradually. When I had been there more than a year I +felt I had learnt scarcely anything. + +My brother had got married, and I knew that I had to give up all and +expect nothing. For me loneliness never had any terror. No one could be +less dependent on outward society than I was, yet I could enjoy it, only +I never craved after it, nor was it necessary for my existence--I was +one who have had always to stand alone. Perhaps the sharpest anguish is +that which nobody knows of. I have been so unaccustomed, to sympathy +that I can sit still and endure anything; I did everything at my own +risk. I have had to work for all I have ever received, and some have +done their best to hinder me, so that I hardly knew what to do, although +I am sure I was most unselfish. The marriages of my father and brother +altered things, and somebody else came in, so that the old relationships +were changed. For a time I felt a soreness. + +Turning things over in my mind, I see that I could not have learned +anything at Sunnyside, as matters stood. More than once I thought I +would like to live in Adelaide again, and was tempted to take a post in +some of the business places. Only homely cooking would then be required, +and I could do that well. Then, again, sometimes I had to walk all the +way to Glen Osmond by myself if I lost the bus. It was a lonely road, +with scarcely a house where Parkside now is. All this was long ago. + +While I lived at No. 10, Rundle-street, I got to know other girls, who +were also working housekeepers. One whom I used to see sometimes lived +at Messrs. Wigg & Co.'s, in Rundle-street. She told me that she was +going to be married, and asked whether she should speak for me. It would +be nice for me and cheery, she said, but she did not think it would be +for very long, as the place was to be rebuilt. My path appeared to be +made plain, and I came and saw Mr. Wigg. He was satisfied, and I came to +live at No. 12, Rundle-street. I had a comfortable room over the shop. +None of the assistants lived there. I used to see to their meals during +the day. Also under the heading of Messrs. Wigg and Co. there was a +chemist's shop, with doctors' consulting-rooms, in King William-street, +where the Beehive now stands. The chemists had their meals at No. 12. +The evenings were lonely, but there were plenty of books, and I could +either go out or sit and look into Rundle-street. I knew the engagement +would be only temporary, but I had always faced my fate with courage, +and faced it still. But there seemed nothing to face at Mr. Wigg's. +Everyone was bright and pleasant. So I was content to bask in the +present enjoyment, and I had given up troubling about what was to me a +hopeless future. I had some shipmates at Government House, and went and +saw them sometimes, and I found that if I left Mr. Wigg's I could go +there. So I was happy, and what more could anyone desire? + +While performing my new duties I wondered how things would turn out. For +some time I had a busy life, with no time for regrets. The meals were in +three relays. The first was at 12.30 p.m., and so on. There was only one +young lady among the assistants. The shop was full of men and youths, +who served the customers. How different Rundle-street looked then. There +were only little tumble-down shops, but prosperity reigned, and there +were no poor-looking people or naked-footed children. + +A change has come now--a great change--that reaches to the core of +things. We think we can endure anything, but every day the little things +of life drive us nearly wild. Pleasures and trials seem both smaller +when we have to face them each day. + + + + +PRINCE ALFRED IN ADELAIDE. + + +There were no model schools in South Australia then. I do not know who +organised them, but the salesmen in Mr. Wigg's employ held classes for +reading and writing gratuitously in a building which seemed partly a +store, and was lit up with candles. The young gentlemen asked me if I +would come and help. They said I could at least listen to the small +girls reading. Having the evenings to myself I went gladly, and for a +time I had a little class all to myself, and I learned something from +the questions and answers that passed. The children all looked well-fed +and well-clothed, and I could not help comparing their condition with +that of the little ones receiving free teaching in Glasgow. Yet how the +people in Glasgow would fear to come away such a distance, for at that +time it was like dying to come to Australia. The people in the colony +then had to keep on working and thinking with their own powers. There +was not so much labor-saving machinery, and to succeed everyone had to +work to the best of his capacity, and the boys and girls, too, had to +help in making the most of their splendid inheritance. + +One gets interested in the people with whom one is brought in contact, +even although temporarily. All was very real to me. I had been in the +happiest state of mind for months. Mrs. Wigg would come sometimes and +see if I wanted any comforts. She came with that good-natured sympathy, +and I looked forward to the days when the children would come with, her +when she was interesting herself with my department in such a kind way. + +Just about that time the Governor, Sir Dominic Daly, died at Government +House. I do not remember whether a new Governor had been appointed, but +it seemed to me such a little time afterwards that Sir James Fergusson +arrived here. Then Prince Alfred was expected again, and the whole place +was in a stir once more. Sir James was a wealthy man, and he sent a +start of servants before him, so I thought it useless to think of the +Government House employment for me. How pleasant it was, therefore, to +be told I would be employed as an extra help between the kitchen and the +still-room. I saw the housekeeper, Miss Anderson, and I engaged to come +when they had all settled at Government House. In the meantime Mr. J. N. +Hines, from Parliament House, had charge of the catering with the two +caterers whom I did not like. If they had been there all the time I +would not have gone there. Sir James brought with him a French chef. +There has never since been such times at Government House. The house was +altered, and some new places were built. + +In what grand style everything was kept up. The footmen, with their +powdered hair, knee breeches, and silk stockings, were a sight to see +when they went out in the beautiful carriage with the splendid horses, +and all were brought out from the old home. It was a lasting benefit to +me going there. I felt a little nervous amongst so many other servants, +for they looked a splendid lot of men and women, who did not think +service derogatory to them. They seemed happy and dignified, and went to +work accordingly. Each had his or her own work. They were not all from +the same country, but were different in tongue and manner as well. There +was no false pride, nor did they think that any kind of work in a house +was lowering, or that there was anything degrading in menial labor. + +My task was to help in the still-room. I might make a slight allusion to +this still-room. It is a miniature "kitchen," where the housekeeper can +make all the preserves and so on. The housekeeper's room is always close +by, and there the linen and such like articles are kept. The still-room +at Government House was an important place then. + +There were great preparations being made in view of the coming of the +Prince, who was expected to arrive at any time. Then such a lot of +things would have to be done in the still-room. Much of the fine cooking +for breakfast was done there, and the dessert dishes were garnished +there, and many of the ornamental biscuits and cakes for dessert were +made in the still-room. Sir James Fergusson had all his own household +silver and linen, as well as the dessert-stands. Some that seemed the +most important were twelve in number; they had to be taken to the butler +every night and locked up. Each one was in its own velvet casket, and +was carefully put away. They had been given to Sir James as a +presentation, and were said to be pure gold. One of the things I had to +do when they were in use was to see that they were in safety. + +There was plenty of novelty in my surroundings at Government House. I +was sent here and there. The housekeeper became ill in the wearisome +days and nights, although there seemed nothing but pleasure to the +favorites of fate. They got some responsible-looking person to fill her +place, but she was not so clever as Miss Anderson. She was the wife of +one of the orderlies who was in attendance on Colonel Hamley. For we had +a regiment of soldiers here then, and Colonel Hamley was the commander. +There was a row of little cottages on the banks of the Torrens, where +they lived, but they have been all pulled down long ago. + +I could not attempt to record each day and night at Government House. +The time flew by on golden wings. My ambition was to see to the cooking. +I was in the right place, for I had to go in the kitchen and help with +everything after the proper housekeeper left. I think Miss Anderson was +sent home again to Scotland. I grew interested in everything. I remember +now the two caterers, or cooks, came and asked me if I would ask the +French chef if he would let them see him dish up the beautiful +substances of his cooking. He seemed to work like magic. I asked him, +and he muttered something in French, while there was a look in his eyes +which said No. + +Every detail of that time is stamped on my memory. I suppose what made +such, an impression was that I was, at any rate, where I had the chance +of seeing a professional cook work, while the secret of that knowledge +was not kept from me thus far. I remembered that the two cooks who came +to Sunnyside always had large cookery books with, them, and in their +exaltedness so acted that I could not get a glimpse of what they were +engaged in. As things now transpired, they could see that my new life +seemed to promise that eventually I would be able to give evidence that +I had gained knowledge in the period, when something could be made out +of my association with the French chef, and I felt glad that those two +cooks could only gaze in longing wonder where I was gathering +experience. Perhaps it gave me my revenge. + +But I must tell something more about Government House and the Prince. +There was nothing but visitors; there were theatricals, with a real +stage fixed up in the ballroom, with balls, and evenings at home, and +garden parties, luncheons, and huntings. I grew interested in all that +happened about me; I was not hindered in any way when time allowed me to +have a look and see what was to be seen. How pleased I was to see Mrs. +Brind amongst some of the cast of characters who were going to play on +the stage. Truly, she looked well in her part. I took care to let her +know that I was there, and to ask her if I could do anything for her. +There were no professional actors, only "amateurs." It just seemed to me +as if everybody was acting. + +The Prince had such a lot of other gentlemen with him, and amongst them +there was a Highlander, dressed in kilts, who played the bagpipes. He +used to play sometimes in the dining-room even while the dinner was in +progress. He stood behind the Prince's chair. Whenever I could get a +chance I liked to go and look in at the dining-room when the gas was +alight. They could not see me. I thought it so nice to see whether the +Prince ate his food in any way different from other people. He used to +sit at one end of the table, and Sir James at the other. For most of the +public functions Sir James wore his Court dress, as if in the presence +of the Queen at some festivities at home. He did not look a weak +amiability. How noble he was, I thought, and how his servants loved him. +And how lovely was Lady Edith Fergusson, and their beautiful children. +How nice they all were. + +I remember that if I saw her ladyship coming I used to dart off in +another direction, and she told monsieur, the chef, to tell me not to do +so, as she liked to speak to us all when she met us. I did not try to +get out of her way afterwards. Such a strange custom the ladies all had. +It was to limp in their walk as if they were halting and lame. To get +that mode some had the heel of one shoe made shorter than that of the +other. It was called the "Alexandra limp." I could not help wondering at +this, and I learned that the Princess of Wales had a sore foot, and that +in the midst of all gaiety and glitter the society ladies all tried to +seem as if they had a sore foot. + +Where the tall palm tree stands on the banks of the Torrens was the +vegetable garden for Government House. It was fenced all round with +hedge and wire, with a door in the wall, by which we got to and fro if +the gardener forgot to bring what was wanted. The door is still in the +wall, but the garden has gone. I have good reason to remember one time, +at least, when I was sent for something. It was dark, but I had a key +and a lantern, and was told to lock the door and take the key with me to +let myself in. I put the lantern down, as I did not require a light in +the garden. A key was available to others, as there were more keys than +one. While I was trying to open the door the Duke of Edinburgh came out. +He smiled at me, and I let the things fall and stared at him. He had no +attendant, but wore a soft felt hat. I stood and saw him pass out +amongst the populace just like one of themselves. He locked the door and +I unlocked it. I remember that as if it were only yesterday. + +At the time there was a war in Paris, and monsieur used to get letters +that upset him fearfully. Some that were sent from his ruined home came +out of Paris in a balloon. I may add that the French chef was designated +as monsieur all through the house. He was a very young man to have such +a position, and he could not speak English at all well. I taught him +some Scotch words. He was lively, and would go on working sometimes till +midnight, but would not let me stay if he could help it. + +The Prince and party went away inland somewhere for an outing. We had a +period of quiet, and I got a day off to go and see the Galatea. All the +kilted volunteers were going by special invitation, and in a kind way I +was not forgotten. They had Mr. Archie Dixon, with his bagpipes. It was +a nice day for an outing, and the whole ship was thrown open to us, and +a happy time was spent there. All was wonderfully clean and orderly. All +was explained to us, and we were told how the cannon and other +instruments of destruction were fired, with the force of the ball, and +the gunpowder, as well as what the sailors could do if they were +attacked. We saw the Prince's room, which was being done up ready for +the voyage home. One thing I noticed hanging up was a large portrait of +Prince Albert and the Queen. The only thing I saw to make me sad was +some men in chains made fast to the deck. They were white men. I can see +the look on their faces yet. They were there for some misdeed, but I did +hope that they would be released when they got out to sea. We went right +down to where the stokers worked to keep the engines in action. We +passed, I think, five decks to get there; I was glad to reach the top +again. Human hearts must be made of strong material, or else how could +those men live in chains, even for a day? + +The time came when I felt sadness. After the Prince went away what a +change there was. Where life and merriment had reigned, amid the scene +of all the late festivities, there was now only silence. For in that +stately home Lady Ferguson was ill--seriously ill. She had not been +feeling well for some time, and it was rumored that Sir James would take +her back again to Scotland if she was strong enough to travel. She died +at Government House. I had left a week or so before. + + + + +I LEAVE GOVERNMENT HOUSE. + + +I was only an extra one for the busy time, but I was told that if a +vacancy should occur I would be sent for. Use, we are told, is second +nature. I grew quite used to looking down the advertising columns of the +newspaper, where I read, "Wanted, wanted, wanted." I saw one day a +notice that there was wanted by a lady at Glenelg a young woman, who +must have some knowledge of cooking and good references. The direction +was to apply to Mrs. Wright, at "The Olives," Glenelg. Years afterwards +I went back to Government House as housekeeper. + +I received a reply to my application to Mrs. Wright, stating that my +reference proved satisfactory, and that she would be glad if I would +come as soon as I could. As far as I can remember I was glad again to be +near the sea. It was not exactly what I wanted; I was restless and +dissatisfied. I had decided to seek a situation with some lady who +travelled, as I would have liked to go back to Scotland again. But, +still this would be something to do. On arriving at Mrs. Wright's I +found one of my shipmates as housemaid. It was a large house, in +pleasant, well-kept grounds. I was taken to my room, on the second +floor. It was large and comfortable, with such a nice view from the +window. I was, at any rate, pleasantly housed. + +Could I but live that time over again! Could I but close my mind to all, +all that has happened since! Did I say happened? All that has taken +place has been of my own doing. I felt very happy, for, as I now review +my past, I know that I took the first step in the narrow path when I +left the Olives! Delusion really came into my life, and I was wise only +after the event. I am alone now with my ruined life and my lost +happiness. The wearisome years creep by so slowly. + +I used to travel to Adelaide to attend Mr. Lyall's church every second +Sunday. I do not know why I did not give the name of my first employer, +of No. 10, Rundle-street. I think it was in my mind then not to mention +any names in such reminiscences as that I wrote of mine. However, my +first employer's name was Mr. T. Ballantyne. He died long ago, but his +brothers are still in the land of the living I am happy to say. One of +the Mr. Ballantyne's used to come to the same church in Flinders-street, +with his wife and family. They were always friendly to me, and show +friendship even now, after all these years. When I first made +acquaintance with Mr. W. Ballantyne he was in his brother's shop at 38, +Rundle-street, where Mr. Birks is now. He used to come to No. 10 +sometimes. His was a merry face, with an almost perpetual smile. I used +to like to see him come in. So when I met him at the church he always +wished to know how I was, and whether I was comfortable. So one Sunday, +when I came from the Bay, he asked me if I would not like to come and +live in Adelaide again. He said that where he lived they wanted some one +at the shop to get meals for the young people who worked there. I told +him that when I left Mrs. Wright's I would see him, but I had no +thoughts of leaving them. He must have made a mistake, for I received a +letter from Messrs. Robin & Birks, asking me to come to them, as they +understood that I was leaving Mrs. Wright's. I could not understand, so +I called and saw Mr. Robin. + +How sweet is the memory of the innocent evenings I used to spend at +Glenelg. I told Mr. Robin that Mr. Ballantyne had not understood me +correctly, for I did not want to leave Mrs. Wright's. Mr. Ballantyne +then came on the scene and talked to me, and I promised to go to 38, +Rundle-street. When I got back to Glenelg I repented of what I had done, +and sent a letter to say that I thought I could not take such a +responsible position. Meanwhile they had made their own arrangements and +they sent me a letter, in which they indicated that if I did not keep my +agreement there would be trouble. A strange thought came in my mind. I +told Mrs. Wright that if she would keep the place for me that I would go +to Rundle-street and stop for a week or so till they could get someone +else. I was so afraid of anything in the way of law that I was easily +terrified. I only took a few things with me and reached the place at +night. There was a small yard at the back of the premises. I found my +way to the door, and as I put my hand on the knob an immense dog thrust +his cold nose against my fingers. I gave a scream, which brought out the +person whom I was to succeed. She was waiting for me to arrive. Then I +laughed. Ah, me! could I but have seen my future at that juncture! + +It was quite early in the evening. The dear woman stopped with me all +night and enlightened me on all the subjects of interest. She wished to +constitute herself my guide and friend, and remarked that I was so young +for such a position. I learned to like the dear, kind soul, and to go +and see her. The next morning began the eventful day. Even at this +moment, when I look back, there rises before my mind a picture of that +period. There were only a few at breakfast, and that was soon over. Mr. +Ballantyne called to see if I had come. He told me I could have a room +over the shop, which looked into Rundle-street, and that anything that I +wanted would be attended to if I mentioned it to him. There were 28 or +30 persons for dinner and tea, and some of the men in charge slept on +the premises. I had their rooms to see to, so there was a lot of work, +but I was strong, and I had the evenings, while I had more wages than I +had with Mrs. Wright. I was old-fashioned enough to see to that; so I +became quite reconciled. There seemed a happiness about the place which +soothed me. I saw Mrs. Wright, and had the rest of my things sent to 38, +Rundle-street, and for a time, at least, I was happy. + +The shop kept open then till 10 o'clock on Saturday night, when all had +supper. On Sunday sometimes there was no one there. So I had every +Sunday. Thus week by week, and month by month, I grew into a kind of +home life amongst the people. My thoughts of going back to Scotland had +passed away. There was no lack of kindness on the part of the firm or +any of the partners. I remember there was a gas stove sent out to the +old exhibition, to be exhibited. It was the first one to come in South +Australia. Mr. Birks bought it and had it fixed up for me at 38. It was +splendid and such a help. + +And the good, old dog that made me start the first night I came there +would stretch his grand old self by the door. I felt content when he was +there. I often took him with me when I went out. His name was Lion and +he always seemed so pleased with the part he played. Such drollery was +caused by this dog's sport. He would upset somebody by colliding with +them. Perhaps a complaint would be made, and then you would hear his +owner say that he would give Lion a talking to. That made everyone +laugh. I never knew him to bite, but he was such a size. Sitting as I do +now, so lonely and miserable, how I wish Lion was at the door; I would +not feel the darkness so much. + +Music and singing have always been a pleasure to me. It interested me at +favorable times when the young gentlemen who lived on the premises gave +a musical evening, with dancing as well. How I enjoyed myself. Life was +life to me then. There was a large room over the shop, and as in many +other business places the owners of the shops lived on the premises. I +was experienced enough to do a little catering for them, and, needless +to add, they set value on my efforts. I talk of the dear old times yet +when I see some of them. + +We often get fond of people with whom we associate even temporarily in +this way. This happens in the everyday life, and some will influence us, +although we know not how. We cannot help thinking of them just a little. +So many different feelings one has to struggle against, one gets +attracted to a person sometime through gratitude, or it might be either +joy or grief felt in common. But if passion comes it leads to captivity, +and we cannot get out, even if we try. + +In all that I have written so far there has not been one line about +love. I do not like to touch on my lost daydreams. I had a suitor in +Scotland, but did not take his attentions seriously, for while, +intellectually, he was above me, being such a splendid scholar, love did +not enter into my views at that time. But he used to come and give me +lessons in writing and I accepted him. But when it was resolved that I +should come to South Australia duty seemed to hold out strongly the +resolution that I must give my lover up. He implored me not to do so, +and wanted me not to come. He was manly and sincere enough in his love. +I told him my intention to come, and that he must wait seven years for +me, or come to South Australia after I had done what I wanted for my +relatives. And I gave my promise that I would be true. I wrote to him +all the time, and he also wrote to me till the year 1870. I had no +letters and felt forlorn. At this time I came in kindly touch with John +Allen at 38, Rundle-street. As we grew more friendly John Allen confided +to me his past and the lonely history of his life. He helped to redeem +the greyness of my life. I could not tell when it dawned upon me, but, +like other women, I was capable of loving, and the knowledge came. It +was pleasant to think I would share the ups and downs of life's +struggles with the man I loved, and who had aroused this feeling and won +my heart. It was the old, old story, and I managed to convince him that +I was not the least afraid of poverty. I told him of my engagement and +how it was ended. My heart had longed for practical sympathy, and it was +some happiness to think that John Allen and myself had much in common. +So far, I had not questioned my wisdom in thus allowing myself to be +carried away by my feelings, even although he was a few years younger +than I was. The thought came that, perhaps, I had been rather hasty as +matters stood, but when John Allen went and brought his mother's Bible +to show me that his father and mother were relatively of the same age as +we were, wisely or unwisely, I pledged myself to John Allen. Their names +and ages were written in the Bible. + +Of course, I loved him. I have always loved him, and from that time to +this my mind has been filled with one individual--John Allen. It was +natural; we were in the same house of business. I did not try to get out +his way and he unmistakably did everything he could to get into my way. +We were together morning, noon, and night for more than two years. So I +resolved to cast in my lot with the man I loved. I looked to him. I did +not consider it necessary to consult my people. They had all done the +same, and did not hesitate or think of me. John Allen had no relations +with whom he was on friendly terms in South Australia. He seemed then as +if he thought only of me. I was very happy in a sense. There was a rest, +and yet an unrest. I knew that he had told me he would like to go to +England. + +You may picture my astonishment when John Allen came to me one day with +a letter in his hand that had been at the bottom of the sea for two +years. My name and address were only just legible, and the edges were +open like a book. It was from my friend in Scotland, telling me that my +seven years were up and that he wanted this point settled. I will not +pretend that I did not suffer. It seemed a destiny. I wrote to him that +it was useless to think of me, for I knew that my marriage with him +would be loveless. I told him I was wiser now. The man I loved was +perfect in my eyes. I had met other men, who had pleased my fancy, but +John Allen had a charm of manner that won my heart. What I regretted +most was to break my promise--a promise so marked and solemn, given far +away in Scotland, while sitting on the side of heather hill. If I had +been a designing woman I could have accepted for my husband the second +mate of the Morning Star, who waited till the two years I had +contracted to stop in South Australia were over. Then, what was so real +on the ship, seemed only a dream, when he wrote and asked me if I would +marry him and go back to England if he came for me. I knew then that I +had my dream of honorable love and marriage. It was not to be. Upon what +trifles events turn. If I had not gone to 38 everything would have been +different. + + + + +I GET MARRIED. + + +In the year 1874 I became John Allen's wife. What has turned out so evil +seemed to me as good. I thought all well lost for love, for it is so. He +arranged it all; I left it to him. We were married very quietly at St. +Paul's Church in the morning. Not a soul was to know, and there would be +no fuss, or anything out of the way, but just our two selves. How all +comes back to me, as I think of those simple details. I thought how +happy I should make him; how hard I would try to be a good wife to him, +for I loved him so. In a week or so my husband went to London and I was +to work till he came back, which I hoped would be only a year +afterwards. But he stopped away for three years. + +Long before John went to England new buildings had been put up for +business purposes only, but the firm still found provisions for the +assistants. I could have stopped on there, only there was no convenience +for me to sleep, so I found a situation in a gentleman's house, where I +could sleep at night. My mistress was Mrs. Arthur Blyth, of St. +Margaret's, Childers-street, North Adelaide. She wanted a cook, and I +applied. They were satisfied with my reference and I got the place. +There was only Mr., Mrs., and Miss Blyth. It was a well-appointed home, +and I had no washing to do or ironing. I was beginning to be a fairly +good cook and they were pleased with me. I had a comfortable home. + +I knew I had married into poverty and I resolved to get as much as I +could before John came back. I could put up with anything, as I hoped to +have my rightful place with my husband some day. Mr. Blyth was knighted +and soon after that they went to England, where Sir Arthur was +Agent-General. Again for me were the shifting sands. + +Speedily I got another home with Mrs. Murray, whose husband was a member +of the firm of D. & W. Murray's. Their house was at the corner of +Wakefield and Hutt streets. I had a lot more to do there than I had at +Mrs. Blyth's. I had all the washing and ironing to do. There was one +other girl, a coachman, and myself. They kept a lot of company and they +had only recently returned from London. Travel and voyages seemed to +bring such a lot of visitors. It was a relief to be done. I used to get +letters from my husband, but there was always delay after delay, and all +this time I had not told anyone that I was John Allen's wife. Such was +the beginning of my married life. + +Does anyone love on purpose I wonder? I could not help doing so. It did +not bring me happiness. It made the whole difference when I had to tell +an admirer that I was a wife with no husband. Nothing could undo the +past. After all, I am John Allen's wife. I had any amount of pity and +blame, but cared for none of this, and I am now beyond caring. + +But I must keep to that time. My brother was taken ill with rheumatism +and he could not move. He had a furniture shop in Hindley-street. He had +three little children, and, by the irony of fate, my sister-in-law met +with an accident and was taken to the "hospital." I used to go from +Hutt-street to Hindley-street, after attending a late dinner. There were +no cars then in the streets and I had to walk. I would try to do +something for those dear ones. And sometimes it would be nearly 11 +o'clock before I could start back for Hutt-street. I may have many +faults, but I am no coward. I could face what awaited me, but truly +dismay would come if I saw a "group" of men or youths standing in the +street on my way to Hutt-street. I would run past. Only once a man I +tried to get pass stretched out his arms and caught me. He let me go as +quickly. I felt I was able to take care of myself so long as I was not +caught hold of. I felt lonely. I would sit and cry as if tears would do +anything. I cried and cried. The firm at 38, Rundle-street had another +shop in Hindley-street. Some changes were made and one of the firm went +to the shop in Hindley-street. He was my employer before, and I learned +that he wanted someone in the same capacity as in Rundle-street. I told +Mrs. Murray my distress at having to come so far so late at night. She +was very much put out. Still I think she realised my situation when I +explained that I was going back to my late employer. + +All things considered, I had cause to be thankful. My quarters were not +at all uncomfortable, and there were some of the young people from 38 +there to work and to live on the premises. Hutt-street was a more +pleasing-looking place to live, but how I dreaded to walk down there in +the night-time. When I see the cars now travelling to that part of the +city those dark and lone way-marks all come back. I was glad when my +sister-in-law got to her home again. + +So the time went on. It certainly had a bright side, for I had more +time, and could go and see my friends at favorable times and on the +Sundays. The only drawback was some queer-looking old houses I had to +pass at the back, as I came out and in, for I saw some vicious-looking +people, which made me feel slightly nervous. I was often there all by +myself on the holiday time; no one else being in the whole place. I have +heard those people quarrelling at all hours of the night and making +darkness horrible. There was only a small fence with a right-of-way to +separate it from us. The shop was a drapery, clothing, and millinery +establishment, and the proprietor of the shop was responsible for the +rents of the old houses at the back. No one could have complained of the +place as dull in the daytime. From early morning till closing time I was +amused by some eventful excitement in what was taking place. The shop +was opposite to what is now the Skating Rink, or Ice Palace. At that +time there could be seen at the shop doors and on every available place +the goods put out in rolls for show and they had price-tickets on. One +Saturday afternoon I was looking out of the back window, when I saw a +woman who lived in one of the old houses going into her house with a +roll of tweed tartan over her shoulder and a ticket dangling loose to +tell how much a yard it was. It being tea-time, I called some of the +young men just in time to see it. They said it was taken from the front +door. The police were sent for and her place was searched, and it was +found she had enough stuff there to stock a shop. + +All the things were brought into our place. There were rolls upon rolls +of all sorts of materials, with 27 suits of boys' clothing, and so on. +It turned out that there were the trade marks of many other shops on +goods there as well, and each one came and got his own. The woman was +taken to prison, and on the Monday morning the owners had each to go and +identify his own goods. All the things were taken to the station. I had +to go, too. I was summoned in the name of Macdonald. It was then that I +told my employer that I was John Allen's wife. I could not give a name +that I had no right to. There was no end of trouble about those goods, +and the case being more than could be settled in the Police Court the +matter went on to the Supreme Court, for trial. We had to go to the +Supreme Court when the time came. + +Day after day before John went to England, he told me of some relative +of his who had married a second time in a very short interval. I only +knew what he chose to tell me of this friend. I thought this friend was +the cause of my husband staying away so long. I had a letter from him to +say that he would like to bring this relative with him to Australia when +he came back, and I was to send a telegram to say "Yes" or "No." I made +enquiries about the cost of the telegram, and was told that, with the +name and address, it would cost me over £6. The sending of telegrams +was very new then. I would have said "No," I am quite sure. Although I +would not wish to do an unkind action, behind this was my suffering. +John knew my opinions on that subject, and calm reason could have told +him I could not have acted differently. + +Again and again would arise in my mind instances I knew of both at 38, +Rundle-street, and elsewhere, of marriages like mine, which had been +apparently happy, and where promises had been loyally kept, and both +were blessed. The objectless course my life was taking did not make +matters any better. Who was I that I could not do as others had done +without sin? Then I had to accept the unpalatable advice all round that +I should not have married. With one thing and another fresh difficulties +for ever seemed cropping up with regard to my husband. Has this sort of +thing ever been sufficient to satisfy a woman's heart I wonder? All the +forces of evil were arrayed against me at that time. + +Then he wrote and said that he was coming back, and I thought after what +I had written to him that I had gained my point, and that he was +returning to me. I had formed my own opinion of the man I had married, +and I was impressed with the tone of his life when I first knew him. +There was nothing foppish about John Allen. He was courteous toward +women, and this contrasted well with the familiarity of some young men, +whom we both knew. I wanted no unwarrantable interference between him +and me. I knew I would do my best for him, but that if anything upset my +confidence in him he would find my convictions were strong, and that +strong they would remain, despite human affection, or soreness of heart. +People do wise things and foolish things for the sake of love, which +they would never think of doing at other times. + +So I brightened up, and set about my work with a sense of duty. I was +happy; yes, a really happy girl once more. I had allowed myself to +believe that at last, after my many disappointments, my husband would +really come. He did not positively give the name of the steamer by which +he was coming, or when he would arrive. I felt a nameless uneasiness, +for I had bought over the goodwill of a boarding-house in Pirie-street, +and paid £50 for it. Several of the gentlemen already there remained on. +My reason for choosing this home was that I felt so full of energy, that +the thought of doing nothing, and being a helpless creature, was one +that did not suit me. I hoped John would see everything in the same +light. To me life in all its aspects was so real. I had no false pride. +One can never foretell events, and sometimes all things seem possible. +An any rate, it was my own money I used. I never troubled my husband for +any support. Perhaps that could not be helped, but I do know that I had +not a shilling in the world when John went away. I have no choice but +to speak the truth, and I think he will forgive me for doing so after +all I have gone through. + +One day a business gentleman came to see if I could find room for a +young clerk, who was coming to his warehouse in Rundle-street. He asked +if I could have the room ready for that night, as the steamboat was +hourly expected. When evening came I waited and watched for this young +man. My anxiety made life a continual waiting for my husband. Day after +day, and night after night, I thought of him. I can scarcely bear to +think of that time. I felt that when he arrived he would go to some of +his friends, who would tell him my address in Pirie-street. On that +eventful night that the young man was to arrive I had gone to bed when a +knock came to the door. I opened the door, thinking it was the man for +whom the room had been made ready. In came my husband. He was but little +changed. I thought him better looking. + +I will say nothing about this mad love of mine. John went always +straight to his point, whatever it was, and before he was in my room +five minutes he told me that his relative had come. It was the one we +had quarrelled about in our letters. I never quite knew what I said, but +whatever the words were he understood them. I lost all control of +myself. All my hopes were quenched in a moment, and the future seemed +most terrible to me. I saw everything, and it was not as I hoped it +would be. It never dawned on me that his feelings for me could be any +different from my own for him. + + + + +A PARTING OF WAYS. + + +The next day I realised how great was the gulf which lay between us. I +hated concealment. After a few very unhappy weeks there came the parting +of our ways. John said it was all my fault. Truly opinions differ. He +told me his love was only boy's love. I don't dispute that, but still it +was love, and how was I to know that it would die right away. In vain I +tried to keep on as if nothing was the matter. Any hope of being able to +bear my burden in silence, in such a place as a boarding-house, was not +to be thought of. The rumor spread. I was ill for a time, and suffered a +good deal. I knew all joy in life was over for me. I was subject to all +kinds of comments as to the real reason why my husband left home. When I +got better I knew I would have to face life's duty again. I could not +bear my trouble on the spot; I thought to escape from the scene where I +had failed so. As my brother had supplied some of the furniture for a +consideration, I got him and his wife to come into the house. I thought +I would find pain more easily borne if I passed swiftly from place to +place, and I advertised for a housekeeper's position. Beyond that, I had +no plan just then, but I had a fixed purpose to leave Adelaide. Bitter +as had been my experience, now that my husband had left me, perhaps for +ever, I nerved myself to the struggle. I resented the blight, which was +on me while I was in Adelaide and breathing the same air as they; I had +a wish to be free. Something prevented me from giving up altogether, or +I might have been led into the depths, and have clouded my life for +ever; I loathed the very sight of evil. + +I got a reply to my advertisement. It was a request to take charge as +housekeeper at the Clarence Hotel in King William-street. I did not have +far to go. I had commonsense enough to think that the excitement of +hotel life would be a possible relief for my troubles. Still, I used to +wend my way to the shipping company in the hope of getting a passage +anywhere. I knew I could travel well by sea, and as stewardess--if such +a post had been open--I would have gone without delay. The Clarence +Hotel was a busy place then. Underground there were large dining-rooms, +known as "The Shades," where hundreds came every day. There were very +few places for that purpose in the city then. What is now the Tivoli +Theatre, was then only "White's" Rooms. The proprietor of the hotel had +charge of those "shades," or dining-rooms, which were for the public. I +did not have any work to do there, but had only to see that it was +carefully managed. I had to deal with the tradespeople and to give out +the stores. I was employed there because the landlady was ill. There was +no family, except a little adopted girl. There was, however, plenty to +do, and existence had to be struggled for. It did seem a rush to get all +that was wanted for so many. There were both men and women cooks, and +men and women waitresses, with other employes about. Apart from the +"Shades" downstairs, we had both public and private dining-rooms +upstairs. I saw to the letting of the rooms, and also attended the +people who hired the apartments there. For the most part they were +either musical or theatrical people. + +I can well remember Nellie Stewart's father engaging rooms for himself +and his two daughters. After all those bygone years I saw Nellie Stewart +the other day looking so young. Maggie Moore was staying there, too. She +was Mrs. Williamson then. There was plenty of delight and excitement +everywhere, and no restrictions were placed on my movements. I came in +contact with and was on speaking terms with many congenial people, and +was removed from the miserable sufferings which had made up my life just +previously. But all the amusements, to which I had a free "entree," +could not make up for the human fellowship which was snatched from me. + +My courage would sink when I saw my husband and his friend coming along +from the Post-Office in King William-street. They would be laughing and +looking so gay. Then my mind would go back to the time, unspoiled by +pain, which he and I had together. Surely when I married John S. O. +Allen it never occurred to me that it would be a union with one who +would in no way help me onward. He devoted himself to his relative, but +this did not lessen the pain that such a factor should have come to +another person's houses and sow discord. If I had found out in time I +would not have been in South Australia when they came. I was deprived of +all now, when I wanted companionship most; and from his point of view +everything I did was simply detestable. I could do nothing to please +him. He would tell me so with a sneer. My future was all a blank. I +learned from a conversation between my master and mistress that they +would like to sell over the goodwill of the Clarence Hotel. There was +again the inevitable. I did not mind much, because I was brought up in +the midst of real privations, such as affected myself only. But I could +not ignore the scandal or forget that the world might imagine that I had +been very busy weaving nets, and that I had caught myself in them, as +was sometimes told me. It was no easy matter to go out and in, and to +hear and see so much humiliation. I remained at the Clarence till my +employer sold the business. + +I was sorry, for it was peopled with kindly human beings, whom I knew +well and could mix with, even to the maids. When I went there first, as +they told me afterwards, they had made up their minds not to like me. As +I was the first housekeeper to take charge over them they looked on my +coming with annoyance, but, anyhow, I felt confident that I would do +what was right for all, and I had, in various ways, seen to their +comfort, both in regard to their meals and their bedrooms. I was +grateful to those waiting men and maids when I saw how pleased they were +to help me in any emergency. The lady, when well, was very fond of going +out. I could not object to that, although I had no time for much outing, +but I had to go. I went everywhere with her. They had a private house at +Norwood. A man and wife lived there as caretakers, and all the hotel +washing was done there. I was always glad to go there, the garden being +a consideration. We drove about, too, wherever the lady wished. I never +before had such times. What with the theatre, and one thing and another +no one would think that I was a discarded wife. I had tried hard not to +be crushed, and faced my loss, only there was the discontent left, and, +so far, all effort to forget was of no use at all. + +At last the valuation of the hotel was set about and the people who came +in did not require a housekeeper. My employers went to their house at +Norwood. I knew it would take all my courage to endure what was before +me, with no scrap of human kindness to help me. My only desire was to +find some hiding-place, where I would not hear the ceaseless "Poor Mrs. +Allen" spoken, as I heard it that day. Forlorn in spirit, I went to Port +Adelaide. A lady and gentleman whom I knew had taken the management of a +new club there. I thought if I could get a place till I could find a +ship that would take me away, I would be glad to do anything till then. +Life seemed no worse than at other times. I did not sit down and pity +myself. It was others with their pity that I did not want. My early +experience gave me the possibility of bearing real pressure, and I knew +what it was to be homeless. I am telling my story in my own way. + +I went with the people I mentioned. They were kindness itself. They were +only newly married and did not understand housekeeping. I worked +henceforward with but one object in view, though it was long before I +realised it. At last the opportunity came to go as stewardess on a +sailing vessel. I would have liked better if I could have had the chance +to go on a steamboat. The ship I went in was the South Australian and +she was under the command of Captain Bruce. + +I remembered who I was, and what I was, and why I was on board that +ship. It was a conundrum. I was not on pleasure bent and did not know +where I was going. The ship looked as if bound on an excursion, Captain +Bruce being a favorite with those who went sea voyages. He had on board +his wife and baby daughter, and a maid. The doctor was also a married +man and was accompanied by his wife, a little baby, and a maid also. +Such a number of people whom I knew were on board. All on one side of +the "saloon" was occupied by Mr. and Mrs. Matthew Goode and their +family. Amongst the other pleasing people on board were the Rev. Charles +Clark. He went as far as South Africa. Mr. R. S. Smythe was a traveller, +too. It was January 8 when they started and a fine morning, but when a +strong wind and a rough sea caught the sails I had plenty to do. + + + + +I RETURN TO SCOTLAND. + + +It was no hardship for me to be on the ocean, but for one thing there +was not much scope for recollection of my troubles for the first few +days. Little by little I began to feel the goodwill of the people on +board. What pleasure Mr. and Mrs. Harris, from Prospect, showed in +being kind to me who had so little to make life worth living. I got to +know Mr. and Mrs. Harris very soon after I came to South Australia, when +the future for me looked bright and sunny. I dared not cast a glance +into the future at times. The ship was so crowded that I had to sleep in +what was known as the deckhouse, and so did the doctor's maid. As the +South Australian steadily surged along there were many notes of mirth +and laughter, and they were loudest wherever the Rev. Charles Clark +happened to be. When it was nice and calm all would be invited to the +poop, where Mr. Clark would read and recite to us from Charles Dickens +and others. Then there were other amusements, such as concerts and +theatricals. I was under no restraint in the ship, but went about all +over it. + +There was a tiny boy put on board just before we sailed. He was to be +given to his relatives when the ship reached London, but nobody seemed +to have any particular charge of the wee laddie, and I liked to know +that he was in bed every night before I went myself. He would get away +in the forecastle with the sailors, and I was frightened when I saw him +up in the rigging ever so high. I made little caps for him and mended +his clothes. Some of the ladies taught me some fancy work, and I taught +them how to knit stockings. I was asked by one lady if I would go on to +the Continent with them. This was opportune and the one thing I wished, +while I had plenty of time to think the matter over before we got to +London, if I could only decide what to do. + +Until then I did not know how much woman can bear and live through. On +board the Morning Star I felt influenced by all that was best in me. We +cannot sever right from wrong. I knew my marriage was a failure, and how +I dreaded the by-and-bye. Was it to be like this, always empty of +happiness? Gone for ever were the innocent days of girlhood. I have +lived a lifetime since then. Although a sea rolled between my husband +and me, and I hoped in that way to forget him, my thoughts would revert +to him and his cousin. He consoled himself with her society for three +years in England, and he was not necessarily without her society now. I +sometimes wonder even now, in a dull dazed way, if this lonely wretched +being is really I. "It was very imprudent and impulsive of me to go to +sea," but calm reason told me I could not have acted differently. After +what had been told me by credible witnesses the underhand ways seemed so +intolerable. It was assumed that I had no right to resent it, and that +there should have been no more consideration for me than if I had been +an Indian squaw. To write about this is like living through that awful +time again. I let myself go away, and yet I loved that man better than +anything in the whole world. Life to me was hard and bitter and cruel, +but on that blue sea I prayed that I would not be beaten. In a +suppressed voice I declared "I won't be beaten in life so soon." It +seemed as if I was as a leaf driven before the wind, and so how could I +ask God to help me not to be weak and vanquished. It seemed to me as +though I could never know what fear meant again; yet I wanted a little +guidance just then. + +I am typewriting most of this with some of the old writings before me +written on board the South Australian. That voyage nerved me to face +life with renewed courage. I could see that it was clearly meant that I +should live the rest of my life alone, with no human companionship. +Having faced that fact, the greatest bitterness was over, but learning +the lesson was hard. I was now strong once more. + +The good old South Australian went along so gently, but one began to +long to see land again. The vessel called no where till she came to Cape +Town. And it took six weeks to get there from Port Adelaide. Only one +accident happened in all that time. One of the seamen fell overboard. It +was a fine morning and he could swim, and there was great rejoicing when +he was safely landed on the deck. I could just see his head such a long +way out in the sea. Every one came on deck, and some suggested that a +hot bath of sea water should be ready for him, but when he got on board +he simply laughed, rushed to the forecastle, and was up the rigging +again in quick time. "Going ashore at Cape Town" was the topic, and one +heard nothing else till the time came. + +The South Australian was anchored nine miles out at sea. The passengers +thought this was on account of the rocky nature of the coast, but the +real reason was that the captain was afraid that the crew would desert +the ship and go off to the diamond fields. We were surrounded by +different kinds of boats. Our ship looked so high out of the water, with +those little boats near tossing about in the rough sea. It seemed as if +there were no means of getting into any of the vessels alongside. There +was no gangway or passage to the ships. They had a chair constructed out +of a cask and hoisted to the yard-arm. It was then drawn up to clear the +ship and the passengers were dropped into one of the little boats. Some +went ashore in that way the first day. There were better contrivances +the next, as the sea was not so rough, and I got ashore with the rest +and landed at Table Bay. I had often read about it, but when I saw it +everything looked so foreign. The captain, his wife, and child, and maid +took me with them to the George Hotel, where I lodged while ashore. + +Cape Town delighted everybody. The next morning some of the captain's +friends came in a carriage and all went inland for a drive. I wandered +about all alone; I saw where the market was and many beautiful +buildings, and also the place where the ship's washing was done by men. +The people were all so different to Europeans in their dress and manner, +as well as in respect to the color of their skin. There were Hottentots +and Kaffirs, Zulus, and many others of all nationalities. To me it was +wonderland. And then there was Table Mountain, soaring to the sky. I +found the way to "Oak-avenue," a grove of oak trees of such a size +running on each side of this wide avenue which lead into the Botanical +Gardens and the Zoological Gardens. There were seats all about, so nice +to rest on during a hot day, and it was hot just then. From the +description of the animals at the Zoological Gardens as being fierce and +savage, I had decided not to go into the gardens alone. + +Mr. and Mrs. Harris and another gentleman came along, and they suggested +that if I would lodge with them while we were ashore I would not be so +lonely. I gladly consented, but we had to ask the captain in the +evening, so I spent the whole day with Mr. and Mrs. Harris and their +friend. We all went to the gardens, and I did not think them so fine as +the Adelaide Gardens by a long way. But the sight of the animals struck +me with awe. The gentleman said he would like to see some of them on the +banks of the Torrens. I would not. The captain was willing, so I was +free to go with Mr. and Mrs. Harris. But before doing that I went back +to the ship again. They were lodging with a Boer lady. She was a widow. +The place looked beautiful and clean. The house must have been built +during the early Dutch settlement. It looked ancient, yet strong of +structure. It was flat roofed, and the first thing that I noticed was +that it had no ceilings, but only oaken rafters, in all the rooms. The +windows were fairly large, but with such tiny panes of glass. The floors +were bare, with only a mat here and there, and there were no ornaments, +but only just things for use. The floors were dark to look like the +rafters. The house was full of boarders, and the attendants were a +mixture of Zulus and Kaffirs and Malays. Those women are trained for +house work. The landlady's name was Mrs. Lund. She spoke English well, +and seemed anxious to know how we did things in South Australia. + +I made it a point of interest to see the Dutch mode of domestic +management, so the next day she showed me all over the place. It was +considered a clean town, and the sanitary arrangements were good. There +was no deep drainage, although the house was in the middle of the town. +I saw the kitchen and other departments. No wonder that the Europeans do +not work much there, for they could get a well-trained help for five +shillings a month. + +They had tramcars in Cape Town, although not running through the +streets. Many of the streets seemed all up hill. We got into a car drawn +by horses. You could travel inside or out, and we went to Sea Point, +about 10 miles along by the sea. There was a terrible mass of rocks +standing here and there in the sea which made one feel solemn. There +were grand looking houses, with large vineyards and strange trees all +about. We passed a large tract of land used for a burying ground, and +you could notice the difference between the graves. Each one had its own +singularity. Where we saw the tomb with a cross on it we knew it was +English. We could see this from the cars. There were houses being built +in some of the places we passed, and Mr. Harris was interested in them +as we saw natives working away at painting, carpentry, and masonry, and +all sorts of trades, just like other men. Only each one was dressed +according to his nationality. We passed a large ostrich farm, and saw +numerous "birds." + +That evening in the verandah we heard joyful singing in Dutch voices. I +asked Mrs. Lund's sister what it was all about, and she told me that it +was the anniversary of the day when the slaves were freed from bondage. +I asked her what she thought of the times when people could be bought +and sold. She told me that as a child she had often gone with her father +to the market, and she pointed to the market place, and had seen him buy +the people he wanted. She herself would pick on some. All had something +to say about slavery. It gave me something to think about when I learned +that she did approve of the times when she could go and buy the slaves. +I forget the lady's name, but her home was at Natal. I liked Mrs. Lund +the best. + +I told her how I was journeying, I knew not where, and she was the +kindest woman I have ever known. When I came ashore I thought it would +be cold in Cape Town, and so I had very thick garments. Mrs. Lund gave +me some of her outside garments, together with a sunshade, so that I +could go about, and said if circumstances should bring me back to Cape +Town again that I need not be afraid. I used to write to her, and I gave +some of her cards to friends. The kindness of this Dutch lady made me +grateful. Mr. and Mrs. Harris were also most kind, and took me with them +everywhere. We all went to the market one morning. Everyone was calling +out what he or she had to sell. To see how the way they dressed was +something wonderful. The native women wore sandals and the native men +also. I shall never forget going into a shop to buy some wool. Mrs. +Harris and I entered, and a man came to us and said, in good English, +that he knew that we would come for some wool. I asked him how he knew, +and he said he heard me say when passing that morning, "What pretty +wool." I remembered the remark. The man looked a picture. He had sandals +on, his doublet was of rich crimson, with green and golden colors for +the rest of his apparel. It did not matter what nationality they were, +they could all speak Dutch. What lovely fruit we got there. The +pineapples were very plentiful, while crayfish by the caskful were sent +on board. + +The morning we were leaving Mrs. Lund sent some of her servants to +gather wildflowers for us. The wildflowers of South Africa were showy +and bright. We saw two camels, equipped for a journey in the desert, +with their Arabian drivers. It was February 24 when we landed there, and +the climate seemed very, like that of South Australia, only the tract of +country I saw looked dark. The poor old jetty or landing-place was very +primitive. The wood part of the jetty, from its appearance, must have +been very old. It seemed worm-eaten, and long moss was growing on it. +They have built a breakwater within the last few years, which comes out +in the sea thousands of feet, and in the stormy weather it is a great +protection. I scarcely knew what to take note of first. I saw any +quantity of donkeys in harness, and all sorts of strange-looking +conveyances. + +While ashore it was all spare time to me, for there was only sightseeing +and writing to do. At every turn there was something to make one think, +if it was only to see some sailors eagerly clutching in their arms some +ostrich feathers as they made haste to get to their ships. Mr. H. M. +Stanley, the African explorer, had been at Cape Town just a little while +before, and from the many different photographs of him and his mixed +troops one saw he must have been on a good many occasions in Cape Town +while attempting to find Dr. Livingstone. I was ardent concerning every +object about Dr. Livingstone. Ever since I could remember I had heard +him spoken of in Scotland. I bought all the portraits of those two grand +men that I could afford, and took them to my friends in Scotland. + +The buildings were most beautiful. But Table Mountain was the charm to +me. I could not keep my eyes off it. There was open war going on at +Natal, which brought such numbers of people to the Cape. That was why +Mrs. Lund's sister was there. Table Bay looked as active as if the +hostilities were there. One could constantly see the warships coming in +or going out. One ship came in the day we left with, I forget how many, +widows of the soldiers who had been slain at Natal. They were taking +those poor women to St. Helena. It was a sad sight. I saw that the decks +of the ship were crowded with women without any hats but only a +handkerchief tied round their heads. + +Two things were stamped on my mind that day to remember for ever. One +was to see those sad-looking women; and the other was when Mr. Harris +went to pay Mrs. Lund for me. She would not charge anything for me. +Truly I was one who ventured out without gold or scrip. The woman meant +to be kind, but I realised the old motto, "Owe no man anything." It was +a new experience to me. I always did like to be free from obligation. +This unusual sympathy gave a human interest to the last glimpse of +loveliness that stretched out and about as far as the eye could see as +we got on board the old familiar ship again. + +I was back to active work once more, and I was glad to see the little +tiny boy again. Now let come what may it was felt we would soon be in +London. Things ran all in the same groove, and sometimes the quiet grew +oppressive in a pause of the wind. We did not have the Rev. Charles +Clark after leaving the Cape. It made such a difference. All were now +talking about where they were going when they got to England. I was +asked where I was going; I did not quite know. + +The only incident of any interest occurred when the ship anchored one +Sunday morning at St. Helena. Only the captain and the first mate went +ashore. We were so close that the people on shore could be seen. That +was the place to which they were taking those women we had seen a week +before. The island was a fortress in times of peace; the chief interest +was Napoleon's tomb and the Jacob's Ladder, from the shore to the upper +part of the island. How far away those times seem, and yet I saw by "The +Advertiser" this morning (as I write) that Mr. R. S. Smythe still trips +to and fro. He was the active manager for the Rev. Charles Clark in Cape +Town at the time of the events with which I am dealing in this story. He +has been there on the same kind of work since then. + +The captain began to have some cleaning and painting done to the ship +before getting in to London. Some pots of white paint were left about on +the deck. The steward had a live kangaroo, which he was taking home to +exhibit, I suppose. It was in a place on the deck, and the little boy +whom nobody owned thought he would make the kangaroo think that the +white paint was milk. The animal sipped some and died. It was +mischievous of the child and for him it was a rude awakening. He had to +keep very quiet all the rest of the way. + +I had nothing to complain of all the way. I was healthy. I loved to use +my strength and tired myself out, there being so much to think about and +wonder at; but I know that I was not happy. I was hardly ever idle. Mr. +and Mrs. Harris were the first to leave the ship when it reached +Plymouth, or Falmouth, I do not remember which. The ship travelled along +so gently and had the Isle of Wight in view so well. Then came the River +Thames. How careful the captain was all through that wonderful river; we +could hear his clear strong voice above the fog-horn as we passed +through so many other ships into the London docks. + + + + +I ARRIVE IN LONDON. + + +And then? And then? I had never been in London before. Long ere the ship +was steadied at the anchorage Mr. Charles Goode came on board to see his +brother and his wife and family. He brought the letters that had come +from the colony. For me there were five, all in black. My dear brother +died soon after I had left Adelaide. There was one dictated by himself, +wishing that I would come back, if only to see how his five little +children would get along. The necessities of human existence had to be +grasped. This suddenly put all thoughts of the Continent out of my head. +I knew I would have to leave the ship. I was sorrowing; and everyone I +knew was going out of the ship. I thought I was going to be ill. So much +had gone wrong, and I was face to face with trouble. When I looked in my +lap I found a good few sovereigns that one and another had left there +while my eyes were filled with tears. Some of the ladies told me before +we got into the dock that anything they left in their cabins would be +for me either to sell or otherwise dispose of. When some people came to +see if I had anything to sell I told the carpenter of the ship to do +what he liked with them. I was in too much grief at my painful loss to +care for them. My brother was only about 30 years of age when he died. I +went and saw the Rev. Dr. Oswald Dykes, D.D., at Oakley-square. I had +some mourning made at once and went from shipping office to shipping +office to get a berth to return to South Australia any how I could +manage it. I had a nice letter with the signature of Captain Bruce. And +the passengers also subscribed their names to a testimonial as to my +capability on the sea. Then I had a parchment, with writing on it, from +the owners of the South Australian, from their head office in London. I +have that yet. It was a terrible time. If I could have got a chance I +would have returned at once. I did not care whether it was in a +steamboat or not. + +After a few days waiting I saw Captain Alstone, of the City of Adelaide, +who was taking his wife and a little child in his ship to Adelaide. I +agreed to be the lady's maid for my passage back to South Australia. But +they were not likely to start for a month or six weeks. It was a sailing +vessel also, and I saw the captain's wife and her dear little boy. I +adore children. And the lady was the most perfectly lovely woman I ever +looked upon. So I had most of my things put on board the ship. The month +of May had just began. I had some letters of introduction from some +friends in Adelaide to their friends in Bradford, near Manchester. I had +also with me some letters from friends in Adelaide to their relatives, +with cordial wishes that I would go and see them if I went to Glasgow. +Before I left South Australia I formed the resolution to go and see my +husband's relations. I had their addresses through writing to John all +the long three years he was there. Their place was in Cambridgeshire. I +gave Captain Alstone the address that would find me if the ship went +before the month. + +I have kept a record of that time by me ever since. I was close to the +Tower of London; and there was no charge, so I went in about 11 o'clock +and was there till 4 o'clock. I was on the move all the time, and then +did not see half of that stronghold. Oh! the grandeur and the horrors of +it. It was wonderful to think what strife and passion had done during +the events of the dark ages of violence and torture. There were men +dressed so queerly, with long staves in their hands--the Yeomen of the +Guard--who showed the visitors where persons we read of in history were +imprisoned. Then the various kinds of armor were arranged in distinctive +collections, according to the various periods; while there were all +sorts of weapon--swords, and daggers, and axes, with breast and back +plates. I saw the torture-room and the awful block and the axe which cut +off the heads. It was too grim an atmosphere in which to think of either +honor or glory in that fortress of chapels, and vaults and recesses, +with dungeons about and beneath the building. What scenes some must have +gone through while in their prison lodging. I saw the Queen's crown and +her sceptre, which is said to be made of pure gold, and ever so many +more things of which I have forgotten the names. There was quite a fence +all round them, and some of the guards were watchful all the time. There +were kings and knights on horseback, just as if they were off to the +war. It would have taken a week to see it all. One thing I will never +forget. Just as I was coming out at the gate one of the officials in +charge of the place came after me and touched me on the shoulder. He +asked if I had lost my keys. I looked in my handbag and found that I +had. He said if I would come back I could have them. I was thankful, for +otherwise I should have had to have the locks of my trunks taken off. I +asked him how he knew that I had lost the keys. He replied that he knew +that I was a stranger, as he had never seen me there before. + +"But," I said, "the place was crowded." + +"Yes," he replied, "but most of those people come here every day." + +I only saw a few of the sights of London. I could not imagine being in +London as everything seemed so uncertain there. What a place to be alone +in London is. I decided to go to Cambridge, or, rather, a place a little +out of Cambridge, called March. All my curiosity in that great city of +London was lost amid my tangled affairs. I made enquiry and found out +about the train service. I determined that anyway I would chance seeing +the people, although I hardly expected that they would care to see me +after what had occurred. I knew I had loved and suffered, but I had not +sinned. Then why should I not see them? I arrived at what seemed a +wayside station when it was a bit late. I asked where Mr. George Allen's +house was, and was told that his farm was three miles distant. There was +an hotel there, and I asked for a room for the night. I did not want to +meet people who might show some aloofness till the following morning. In +my portmanteaus there was some printed matter, showing that I had come +from Australia. The hotelkeeper came into the sitting-room and made +enquiries as to whether I had come from there, and alone, and we had a +long talk. He knew Mr. George. All went very well, and he told me that +either he or his wife would drive me over there next day. It was quite +cold although only May 2, there being no fire in the room. + +Both ladies and gentlemen, when Australia was mentioned, became +interested and the talk became general. I was asked all sorts of +questions. It came unexpectedly to me to learn how much the people knew +about the colony. I thought then that if the young girls and women in +Australia could have only heard the manner in which those Englishmen +spoke about them they would have realised that this is an age of +chivalry. According to them the colonial girl can do anything. + +In the morning, after breakfast, there was the little pony carriage, +with a boy, to take me to Mr. Allen's house. It had the queer name of +Hook farm. It was a lovely morning and all the fields were white with +daisies. The house was of two storeys and near to the road side. The +people promised to wait with the carriage till I came out, if I could +not stop there for a day or two. Mrs. Allen came to the door and I told +her who I was. She sent for Mr. Allen, who was away on the farm. He soon +arrived on horseback. The very clasp of his hand made me long to claim +kinship with him. He went out and told the boy to bring my portmanteau +and I was kindly treated. I found that they had a photograph of me and, +as he said, I was no imposition. + +There was a large family. The lady was his second wife, and she was nice +too. They brought their friends to see me and took me about. I only +wanted to stop for a couple of days, as I was anxious to get to +Scotland, where any letters would be waiting for me, but I stayed over +the Sunday. All the curios I had brought from the Cape Mr. Allen had +shown to the children at the Sunday-school, and altogether I had a +pleasant time, so far as they could make it one, but still there was the +thought as to why John had brought his cousin to Adelaide to me. It +seems that she left her own husband in Oldham. Those relations did not +think it was right. + +How faithful and true I could have been if life had only given me the +chance. In three days after we were married he went to England and +stayed there for three years. What was the use of my married life? I had +hardly strength of purpose to carry anything through. I was sacrificed +by ruthless hands, which took from me all that I held dear, and left me +without any claim or right, except to submit to everything. Oh, the +happy women who are sheltered by a husband's faithfulness! What woman +could have had a more useful life than I? + +Mr. Allen drove me to the railway-station. The address I had was for +some people in Bradford, near Manchester. In the train I had to keep +showing my ticket every here and there. I told them I was going to +Bradford, and settled myself to have a good view of that beautiful +country. When asked where I was going, I said, "Bradford." Trains and +carriages were changed en route, and at last I found myself in Bradford, +in Yorkshire. Then I showed my ticket and had it explained that the +Bradford I wanted was a continuation of Manchester. I learned when I got +there it bore the same relation as North Adelaide to Adelaide. + +I had some tea in the town of Bradford, and got back to Manchester that +night at about 11 o'clock. The people I was to go to were well known, as +they kept the post and telegraph office. In this Bradford there was no +break, so far as buildings went, and when I saw it afterwards it all +seemed Manchester. Those kind folks had a letter from Adelaide to inform +them that I would visit them, and expressing the hope that they would +try and persuade the mother of the Adelaide lady to return with me to +Adelaide. I got a cab to take me there, but they had gone to bed. How +they did laugh when I told them I had gone to Yorkshire! I was +interested in writing in my note-book all the names of the different +places, but it was too much trouble to look at the ticket so many times. +However, it was a lesson for me not to neglect the precaution again. +Although the mistake was purely my own the railway company did not make +any charge, and I got all that way back for the Manchester ticket. Mr. +Allen got the ticket for me. + +Only for that incident I would not have seen so many places. The train +stopped at Wakefield and Halifax. It was dark coming back, and I had +been in the train all that day, so that I was weary. I had the best +bedroom and some supper, and when I awoke in the morning there were all +the little children in the room to see the woman that came from aunty's +place over the sea. There was the grandma, too, that I was to take back. +She shook her head and said--"Na, na, I am a true Briton; I will never +cross the sea. Here I was born, and here I will die." + +There was plenty to be seen in Manchester. Mr. Ride, with whom I was +staying, had a stationery and book shop, as well as the post-office, and +the high reputation of Mr. and Mrs. Ride was acknowledged everywhere. +They were well-known and respected. He seemed to have the "entree" to +all the warehouses. In some of them I saw some busy-looking gentlemen +from Adelaide hurrying about. + +They took me to see the Bluecoat Boys' School. I made no note of that. I +can see those dear boys now. No one could forget them. Then we went to +Oldham and I did not like it so well. It looked a poor place and gloomy, +and the humble people wore wooden clogs on their feet. The noise they +made was distracting. + +I stayed at Bradford with those people for a week. What with the people +I was introduced to, the places visited, and the hospitality and +amusement I received, it was enough to make me forget who I was. For +the month of May it was not so warm as I had known it in Scotland at +that time of the year. The eldest son had the charge of the +telegraph-office, and I had the inner workings explained to me. + + + + +I RETURN TO MY OLD HOME. + + +It was easy to get a train from Manchester to Scotland. I went in the +night train and had a nice sleeping compartment, through to Glasgow, +which I reached about 7 o'clock in the morning. I had been away for ten +years, but the place looked so familiar, except that they had tramcars +running all over the place. I got in one and was soon at Dr. Fargus' +house. A male attendant opened the door and told me that Mrs. Fargus was +at their summer house at the seaside. I asked for the daughter, and was +told that she was at home. She was a married lady now. I saw her and she +remembered me. I brought some wild flowers and shells for her mother +from the Cape. She was pleased and told me that they expected her mother +back that night. She asked me to stay, and so the first night in +Scotland I was in what seemed to me my old, old home. It was a rest +indeed. + +Mrs. Fargus returned, and I had much to tell. My listeners looked +appalled; I saw tears in that dear lady's eyes, because of the +ungenerousness of my husband. They would have liked me to go back to +them again for all time, but I could not, however much I wished to do +so, and although it was indeed a home of gladness. I slept that night in +my same old bed. And the next day I went to see Mr. White, whom I had +letters for, at Mary Hill, with his sons. He was in a bank in Glasgow, +and he had a daughter in Adelaide. They had but one word to say--Would I +come there? They had no other daughter. How they came clinging close to +hear every word I could tell about their girl. There were three sons, +and they were in Scotch Volunteers and wore the kilts. In the evening +they brought a lot more in with kilts on to see a woman from Australia. +I had one letter sent there. It was from Captain Alstone not to let me +forget. I went then through the Slamannan, and after travelling about so +much it did not seem far. For a time the rush of memories was awful. I +got into the old identical train with a ticket for Slamannan. I cried +all the way. I got there early in the afternoon. I could see no one whom +I knew when I got out at the station, and I walked to the village. I saw +one man whom I knew, and I made myself known to him. He took me to his +home. His daughters and I were playmates as children. In walking along +with him I passed the house where we lived. The door was open, and I +could see the gooseberry bush that I had planted. I was not in Mr. +Boyd's house five minutes before there had gathered a crowd of the +people whom I used to know. Certainly I was the object of so much +eagerness and curiosity that it was a comedy. They said they came for +"auld lang syne." They questioned me as to whether I had seen Mr. +So-and-So, who had gone to Melbourne. And someone else who had gone to +Queensland. My brother-in-law's sister came and brought a large photo of +her brother's place near Geelong. I remembered the man before he went +there. They thought it strange I had not been to see him, as he was a +prosperous and a rich man. + +In a way I wondered where the young man was who had for seven years +played so big a part in my life. So full of bitter memories was I that I +was thankful to learn that he had gone to Wales. I was glad I did not +see him. What would be the use? I shuddered at the thought. I was +neither a wife nor a maid; I was nothing. It was a hard fate; yet I +loved my own husband. He was so far from me and was lost for ever. + +My visit to Slamannan was almost too much for me. I found many kind +friends to take me here and there till I was utterly weary. I spent +nearly all my time out of doors. As I stood again amongst the wild +heather for the time it seemed unreal and dreamlike. + +After two weeks had passed I received a telegram, telling me to be in +London on a certain date. I knew where the ship was at anchor. So I only +stopped one more day in Glasgow and got back by train to London. On +board the City of Adelaide there were a good many passengers returning, +but I did not in any way have to attend or do any act of waiting, except +on the lady and her little boy. I had a nice cabin to myself and every +comfort, beside a free passage for my services. The vessel was a few +days in the London docks, and I stopped on the ship with the lady. I saw +more of London than I had ever thought of seeing, with the captain and +his wife. They took me with them, and they were very good to me. We all +went to a market one afternoon; and, just think of it, I saw the tops of +turnips sold at 4d. a pound. And as to the meat, I will leave that. + +I felt by the movement one morning while in bed that once again we were +passing through the Thames. How gently those sailing vessels seem to go +along if the wind is favorable, but the City of Adelaide began to roll +about soon after leaving the river. There were more rough seas in her +than when I was in the South Australian. There was no note of calling +anywhere en route. The lady was a good sailor and they had a nice piano +on board, which the lady played and the captain sang. The captain and +his wife practised with firearms on the poop at night. She seemed to +enjoy it; they asked me if I would like to use the gun and try, so that +if a mutiny should rise amongst the seamen there would be us three with +pistols. I would not, and I could not. Thanks be to goodness they were +never wanted. I did not know what to think at the time, but afterwards I +thought that they were merely joking with me and never thought any +mutiny would rise. All went on so evenly with nothing but the glittering +sea about that I loved so well. + +I had no time to write much. The little boy's name was Roland, and he +and I were great friends. We went all over the ship, and knew all the +sails by name. To hear Roland calling out to the men to "let go" this or +that made everyone laugh. There was a family returning to Adelaide, and +one of their sons died when about half-way through the voyage. It was +very sorrowful, for it came so suddenly. I knew the people. There was a +medical man on board, which made us feel grateful. So the days slipped +by. The captain said we were rounding Cape Horn, and anyway the ship got +into a regular shoal of whales. It was awful, for wherever you looked +you would see those horrid monsters. It was a nice calm morning, and I +had Roland in my arms. He was in high glee, and started to make a +hissing noise like them as they sent up jets of water, and the ship +shook. When the captain got his gun and began shooting at them we were +afraid of what they might do after being shot at. So much of them was +under the water that the shots might not have the desired effect of +killing them. I never knew if any were killed or not, but how thankful I +felt when they left off firing. The nearness of the whales dazed us. +Everyone said it was out of the common to see so many. There was only +the sky above and the waters around, while we were in what was like an +island of whales. There was a sense of gratitude when I felt the ship +glide gently away and leave those animals behind in a cluster. Roland +kept the memory up all through the homeward journey. He never tired of +showing what the whales did. The ship did not call in anywhere all the +voyage, but from the birds we saw there must have been land near at the +time. + +The young doctor's name was Clark. He was coming to Adelaide to +practice. Someone told him I had been in South Australia, and he got +chatting with me about the health of the people and the effect of the +climate. I told him I had been in South Australia for ten years, and +that it had cost me nothing for medicine in all that time, and that I +had never to consult a doctor. He said he hoped that there were not many +more like me in Adelaide, or he would have to go back. I learnt the name +of the place he went to, but I have forgotten it. He shot a large bird +and gave the skin to me. I had it made into a muff, and it is as good +to-day as it was at first. + +All the talk was concerning the time when the ship would be in port. +Needless to say I had nothing hopeful to remember, and I knew there +would be little pleasure to have, as all had changed. Life had now no +allurements for me, and the outside world no temptations. I could not +help these feelings as the City of Adelaide was towed into Port +Adelaide. + + + + +I REACH ADELAIDE AGAIN. + + +It was night, and I thought I would stop on board all night, but the +friends who gave me the letters to Manchester came on the ship to see me +and had my luggage taken to their place. I was glad, as Mrs. Alstone was +going to some friends. I sent word to my people where they would find me +in the morning. My few relatives were by my side when I awoke in the +morning, and seeing how happy they were I forgot my own sorrow. I knew +that life had once more its depths that not even the nearest could +sound. It would not bear thinking about. It was only to be borne. I felt +I must work, although I did not think I would begin that day, but I did. +Before I got out of the train at the Adelaide station the gentleman who +had the management of the club at the port where I lived up to the time +I went as stewardess came to me and said he was in trouble for the want +of someone to help at a banquet at the Semaphore. He had been to +Adelaide and could not find any skilful help. Would I come back with +him, he said; and I did; and let my friends take care of my belongings. +I had really done no work of that kind all the time I was away, and +after three months on the rolling ship it was so strange to find +everything firm under my foot. Both this gentleman and his dear wife +were friends to me through after years. + +So I began work the first day I came back, and I have had to stick to it +ever since. Sometimes I have been in actual need of money. I had always +lent a helping hand in the years gone by, and sometimes those I wanted +to help did not seem to have the energy they might have had. What +knowledge I had gained I have paid a high price for, and I must confess +that the kindly appreciation that I have received from people of the +highest culture has often given me joy. If I could not get the kind of +place I wanted I determined to take anything to keep me going. A +position as cook at the Adelaide Hospital was offered to me. A +woman-cook could do the work then, and I went at good wages. I liked it +all right, except that it was so depressing. I saw too much of +sufferings, for I went all about the wards, and if anyone was brought in +whom I knew, whether it was fever or anything else, when I could get +the chance I would go and see them. If I was caught by the doctors I +would be severely reproved. + +There were no indications that the broken pieces of my life as a wife +would be mended. Still a castaway, I went and saw my husband. He did not +want me. He lived with his aunt, and his cousin was there too. If a +husband is one to protect you, to watch over and defend and love you; if +such be a husband, then I have never known what it is to have one. For +me there was only solitude and bitter anguish, and yet nobody must be +made acquainted with the fact. I must put on a smiling face and go +wherever I might so long as I did not come in where I was not wanted. I +was not afraid of misery, but only of sin. I would not do anything +wrong, and I wanted to know how to do right when others do me a wrong. I +determined that I would try and get through life without reproach or any +stain on my reputation, and make the most of what I knew. I had lessons +on one thing and another. I liked to be dainty in my home and person and +dress, as well as I could in every detail. I am fond, too, of being a +good housekeeper. My employers spoilt me and often made a friend of me. + +Some are here still who remember that I had the kind regard both of the +doctors and the nurses, as well as of the patients at the Adelaide +Hospital. They liked the way I did their food. It looked a big thing for +me to take in hand; but it was not so heavy as some would think, there +being three men in the kitchen to do all the cleaning. I had not a heavy +thing to lift. The only drawback was that the floor were stone and so +hard to stand on. The place has been much built upon since then, and is +so changed in the manner of employment in the office. When I pass the +place now all comes back to me so plain. In particular one night stands +out. I always left a jet of gas burning in my room. Once a woman patient +came in with her clothing tied up in a bundle and asked me if I would +come with her to catch the train. I could see that she was off her head, +so I quietly dressed and got the night-nurse. How she got on afterwards +I never knew. There are some things which I shall never forget. I became +accustomed to the situation and stopped at the hospital for some time. +It did not matter where I was in my tangled affairs. + +I wrote to my brother-in-law's brother in Geelong and told him about my +visit to his relatives in Slamannan, and I made known to him that I +would like to see his nice place in Geelong, and his wife and family, +for they had twelve children. So he wrote and told me he would come to +Adelaide and bring one of his daughters with him, and take me back with +them to Geelong. Before they came I had got the position of housekeeper +at Messrs. J. Miller Anderson & Co.'s in Hindley-street, and for more +than two years everything went on smoothly. How delightful it would have +been except for some things I saw and heard. The Theatre Royal was so +close that I could see the cast of characters from my bedroom window at +night. There were more than a hundred assistants to provide for, but +only twelve for breakfast. I had a girl to help. The sweet memory of +those times remains. How earnest everyone was to make me happy. My +employers did not know that I was a discarded wife till I was there for +over two years. It was more to my taste than the Adelaide Hospital, +there being always something amusing to divert me. On more than one +occasion people have come into my sitting-room to enquire the way back +to the theatre. They got out in the right-of-way and got lost. + +My friend and his daughter came from Geelong. It was a break for me, and +he was glad to learn something of the old home. I promised that I would +go to his place when I left Hindley-street, for it was rumored that the +place used as dining-rooms and for sleeping purposes would have to be +taken into the business premises. Then, as in all the other business +houses, the assistants would have to dine out. How I would like to give +a full account of those times. I was sorry and reluctant to say a last +good-bye. They all gathered together and gave me a generous present. +Then I went to Mr. MacHarry's place at Lara, near Geelong. I thought if +I liked it there I would try and get something to do. They were just +building the railway to that part then. I went by steamer, and Mr. +MacHarry came to Melbourne to meet me. His house looked a nest of +comfort I could see as we drew near. It was part farmhouse, and I was +perfectly at home with the hostess and her family at once. Both the +daughters and the sons had horses, and could ride and drive. Not only +that, but those girls could make their own bread and play the piano and +sing. So I had entertainers, and such lovely home-made bread. The You +Yangs Mountains were near. If I could have got to the top what a sight +it would have been. I did not care much for Geelong. It was all so +quiet, and I could see nothing to suit me, so that question was settled. +Those friends showed to me all the places of interest, and, in +particular, all the mills where blankets and other woollens and tweeds +were made. Mr. MacHarry was one of the town councillors, and no stranger +wherever he went. It was quite right about him being a rich man. He made +money by lime-burning. I have been there since by rail, and it is a nice +place. You can go fishing or shooting so close to Geelong and Melbourne. + +There was only one thing to be said, and that concerns the +impossibility of breaking away from my relationships. The time came when +I could not bear to think that John should think them beneath him. What +was in himself that he was entitled to scorn my poor relations? Everyone +may not have the marvellous gifts that some think they have, but, at +least, we are human beings with our own necessities and demands no less +important than those of such marvellous persons. That is why we must +remember our obligations. + + + + +HOUSEKEEPER AT GOVERNMENT HOUSE. + + +Before I came back from Geelong I learned that they wanted a housekeeper +at the Government House, Adelaide. I was advised to apply for the +position. The Frenchman who was chef there when I was there told me that +I knew enough for the position. It would be open for a month, and I put +my name down amongst a long list of others, and sent in my testimonials +even to that of being a stewardess and lady's maid. They sent for me, +and I told them that I was there before, only as a young girl to do as I +was told. I did not think I would be competent, but I promised to try +for a month, and said that I would like to have some skilled help for +all the large public functions. I knew so well what Government House was +in festive times. We were at Marble Hill when my month was up. They were +satisfied, and told me I could consider myself permanently employed if +agreeable to me. + +It would not do for me to attempt to describe the sayings and doings of +that big house. I had to be in evidence at all times both to see and to +speak to distinguished visitors, and often eminent celebrities. I did +not find the work hard, but there was plenty of brain worry. After I had +been there a year and a half the Governor and the lady, too, thought I +was capable to arrange for all the banquets and large parties by myself. +It was overpowering sometimes because of the late nights and the want of +sleep. To cater for a thousand at one time meant a lot of consideration. +I have known a hundred for dinner. I had been at work all the time and +seldom ever went out. Government House had none too many appliances for +those big affairs. They have had both a duchess and also a countess +there when they were staying on a visit. They would come and see the +kitchen. One grand lady said that her cook could not do like that with +such appliances. I could see by the way the lady spoke that someone +wanted my position, and I thought it was like my fate. There was always +someone wanted whatever I had. So I left Government House, but not in +bad friends. I think they were doubtful whether the person would suit. +They asked if I would come back if my successor did not do things +rightly. I forget what I said, but I felt cross. + +I went to see a gentleman and lady who had the management of the Largs +Pier Hotel. It was Mr. Hixon. I had lived with them at the Port Adelaide +Club before I went to England. Mrs. Hixon was not very well, and they +asked me if I would come as housekeeper. I admit that I rather liked the +idea of going there. It was a large hotel, and I would have to see to a +number of employes, to engage them or dismiss them, as the case may be. +I had found Mr. and Mrs. Hixon in past years straight and upright and +sincere. I felt at home with them. I was not long at my new duties +before I received word from Government House that the person who +succeeded me did not know enough for them there. I did not go back, as I +was very comfortable where I was, and Mr. and Mrs. Hixon had the +greatest confidence in me. It was a change and the sea was near, so that +we often went out for a sail in one of the many boats available for us +on the jetty. + + + + +I RETURN TO MY HUSBAND. + + +Two or three times while I was at Government House I had seen my +husband, and had learned that the woman who rightly or wrongly had come +between us had gone back to her own people. One day someone came and +told me that John had gone to America. It upset all I was doing. It was +nearly ten years since I had become his wife. I did not know what to +think sometimes. It required some forgiving and forgetting, but if he +were in any trouble I am quite sure I would go to him. Guess my +astonishment when one evening a maid came to my room and said there was +a gentleman who wanted to see me. It was an unusual incident for any +gentleman to look for me in my own quarters, so I came and saw my +husband coming towards me. I hurried forward to meet him as if we had +never parted. He pleaded to let bygones be bygones, and come and live +with him. A feeling of reassurance and content took possession of me, +and I began to cherish hopes of happiness yet. I had often said to +myself, "How can I live in this world alone?" + +In the morning I told Mr. Hixon that I was going home to my husband. +They were too humane to say no to me, so in a week's time I was with +John in a wee house in Childers-street, North Adelaide. The house had +only two rooms, and was back from the street. I hoped we would be able +to get something better some day. One of Professor Tate's daughters was +about to be married, and came one day and asked me if I would prepare a +wedding feast in Buxton-street. I did so. The ladies who saw me do that +work then for the first time in my life enquired if I would give lessons +on cookery. Mrs. Tate gave the use of her kitchen and stove, and my +first students were there. Soon I found myself with more employment than +I could manage in helping families in their own homes when they had +company. There was still dissatisfaction with the person who went to my +place at Government House, and I was sent for to see if I would come +back. They had changed more than once since I left. I did not know what +to do, but I promised her ladyship before she went back to England that +I would go to the Government House in case of emergency while she was +gone. The Governor was in the room at the time, and he must have thought +that I said I would come back permanently. He went away to some of the +other colonies and sent a telegram to me to say that he would expect me +to take charge as housekeeper when he came back. I was to send an answer +yes or no. I thought that I would go in and out daily, and that I could +still keep on our little home, and that I could explain everything when +I could see Sir William. I sent word, "Yes," and when he came back I was +sent for. Nothing would do, however, except for me to come in the house. +I asked him what was to happen to my husband, and he said, "Let him come +here too. There are plenty of rooms." He added that my husband could +live there because of my services, and it would make no difference in my +payment. So I went to where my husband was working and told him. He did +not seem over-pleased at the idea of living at Government House, but we +both thought it would not be for long, so we put our things in some +friend's place and we both went into the house. That was the third time +I had been there to live, and it did not seem strange to me. + +There being no restraint on my husband we had nothing to complain of. He +had a nice large room, where he had meetings in his capacity as +secretary of the Rechabites, and he had his auditors there time after +time just as if he were in his own home. We lived there for more than +two years. My husband's work was in the city just close by. I never had +any time to join any of those societies. No one could be less dependent +on outward society than I was. I could enjoy it, but I never craved +after it, as it was not necessary for my very existence. I had to give +all and expect nothing. Still, I think that every individual has a right +to some festivity, even if he does not belong to some sisterhood or +brotherhood. + +The lady did not come back as soon as I had hoped she would, and Sir +William was restless. He was no sooner at Marble Hill than he would take +it in his head to be off to the Bay or somewhere else. I was all the +time rushing about with maids and men. I got weary of it, and gave a +month's intimation that I would like to leave if he could get someone in +my place. So my husband and I set about to look for a house, and decided +on the one in which I live. It was in a very unfinished state, and I +helped my husband to put it in order. We worked hard to make it a +comfortable home, which I thought was for both of us. I knew I could be +helpful. I went out to work wherever I could as a professional cook, and +had a ladies' class in the house. Then there was an advertisement for +someone to teach cookery at the School of Mines. I got that office, and +was there for 14 years as cookery instructress. In spite of the past I +worked on with pleasure, looking forward to that future which has never +come. + +Time went on peacefully for some years. Teaching brought me in contact +with people superior to myself and with the nicest of ladies. I was +pleased, for it was good for me, who had been tossed about from early +girlhood, and I was thankful for my home. But even when youth is past +life is still full of surprises. What a bitter thing is jealousy. If you +have one taste all that comes after is poisoned. That is the worst of +it. + + + + +YET ANOTHER PARTING. + + +My husband took care that I should not see or enjoy any of the pleasures +in the many societies to which he belonged. And with curiosity I +wondered why others who were not sisters of the order were going here +and there. I was out of everything. Then I began to have anonymous +letters, which I would not take any notice of for a long time. But when +I saw things for myself all was at an end. One discovery led to another. +About three years ago I let him go where his heart is. He was nice to me +once. I am not the sort of woman to be satisfied with half-measures. We +parted. I get my own living the best way I can. In all those trying +years of my life I only once appealed to anyone to help me. I asked him +if he could help, as I thought he was a good man. Some plan was hit +upon, and he must have had a share in the scheme whereby I have been +left to struggle in bitterness all alone. When people have come to me +and told me to say nothing about what has been done to me, and that it +is golden to be silent, how little they have known the pain that is in +memory when all we prize has gone. Some have tried to console me by +telling me that "they are glad they are not me." + +I need not say that all this sort of sympathy is madness. I am happy to +say that I have the best balm for sorrow. I have a busy life. There is +something sad in the kind of friendships that have to be watched by the +inquisitive who sit down and write about their suspicions to destroy +other people's lives. I could not bend to all without some resistance. I +was baffled at every turn. This "sisterly and brotherly" may be very +innocent, and if I had been allowed to go to some of the public +gatherings I would not have been so jealous. + +We make environment and get blocked. Do not reproach me with +ingratitude, but I am at war sometimes with my long life of toil now I +am by myself alone. "Words, words, words." Some things are too hard +either to write about or to speak of. + + +J. L. Bonython & Co., Printers, "The Advertiser" Office, Adelaide. + + + + ++---------------------------------------------------+ +|Transcriber's note: | +| | +|Obvious typographical errors have been corrected. | +| | ++---------------------------------------------------+ + + + + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 58239 *** |