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-The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Fire Within, by Patricia Wentworth
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most
-other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of
-the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have
-to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook.
-
-Title: The Fire Within
-
-Author: Patricia Wentworth
-
-Release Date: August 2, 2020 [EBook #62820]
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: UTF-8
-
-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE FIRE WITHIN ***
-
-
-
-
-Produced by D A Alexander, Stephen Hutcheson, and the
-Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net
-(This file was produced from images generously made
-available by The Internet Archive)
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
- The Fire Within
-
-
- By
- Patricia Wentworth
- (Mrs. G. F. Dillon)
- Author of “A Marriage under the Terror,” etc.
-
-
- “_Quench thou the fires of your old gods,
- Quench not the fire within._”
- Matthew Arnold.
-
-
- G. P. Putnam’s Sons
- New York and London
- _The Knickerbocker Press_
- 1913
-
- Copyright, 1913
- by
- G. P. PUTNAM’S SONS
-
- _The Knickerbocker Press, New York_
-
-
-
-
- CONTENTS
-
-
- CHAPTER PAGE
- I. Mr. Mottisfont’s Opinion of his Nephew 1
- II. David Blake 18
- III. Dead Men’s Shoes 30
- IV. A Man’s Honour 40
- V. Town Talk 56
- VI. The Letter 66
- VII. Elizabeth Chantrey 77
- VIII. Edward Sings 91
- IX. Mary Is Shocked 107
- X. Edward Is Put Out 120
- XI. Forgotten Ways 134
- XII. The Grey Wolf 143
- XIII. March Goes Out 156
- XIV. The Golden Wind 163
- XV. Love Must to School 171
- XVI. Friendship 179
- XVII. The Dream 188
- XVIII. The Face of Love 199
- XIX. The Full Moon 207
- XX. The Woman of the Dream 214
- XXI. Elizabeth Blake 225
- XXII. After the Dream 236
- XXIII. Elizabeth Waits 243
- XXIV. The Lost Name 258
-
-
-
-
- The Fire Within
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER I
- MR. MOTTISFONT’S OPINION OF HIS NEPHEW
-
-
- As I was going adown the dale
- Sing derry down dale, and derry down dale,
- As I was going adown the dale,
- Adown the dale of a Monday,
- With never a thought of the Devil his tricks,
- Why who should I meet with his bundle of sticks,
- But the very old man of the Nursery tale.
- Sing derry down dale, and derry down dale,
- The wicked old man of the Nursery tale
- Who gathered his sticks of a Sunday.
- Sing derry down, derry down dale.
-
-Old Mr. Edward Mottisfont looked over the edge of the sheet at David
-Blake.
-
-“My nephew Edward is most undoubtedly and indisputably a prig—a damned
-prig,” he added thoughtfully after a moment’s pause for reflection. As
-he reflected his black eyes danced from David’s face to a crayon drawing
-which hung on the panelled wall above the mantelpiece.
-
-“His mother’s fault,” he observed, “it’s not so bad in a woman, and she
-was pretty, which Edward ain’t. Pretty and a prig my sister Sarah——”
-
-There was a faint emphasis on the word sister, and David remembered
-having heard his mother say that both Edward and William Mottisfont had
-been in love with the girl whom William married. “And a plain prig my
-nephew Edward,” continued the old gentleman. “Damn it all, David, why
-can’t I leave my money to you instead?”
-
-David laughed.
-
-“Because I shouldn’t take it, sir,” he said.
-
-He was sitting, most unprofessionally, on the edge of his patient’s
-large four-post bed. Old Mr. Edward Mottisfont looked at him
-quizzically.
-
-“How much would you take—eh, David? Come now—say—how much?”
-
-David laughed again. His grey eyes twinkled. “Nary penny, sir,” he said,
-swinging his arm over the great carved post beside him. There were
-cherubs’ heads upon it, a fact that had always amused its owner
-considerably.
-
-“Nonsense,” said old Mr. Mottisfont, and for the first time his thin
-voice was tinged with earnestness. “Nonsense, David. Why! I’ve left you
-five thousand pounds.”
-
-David started. His eyes changed. They were very deep-set eyes. It was
-only when he laughed that they appeared grey. When he was serious they
-were so dark as to look black. Apparently he was moved and concerned.
-His voice took a boyish tone. “Oh, I say, sir—but you mustn’t—I can’t
-take it, you know.”
-
-“And why not, pray?” This was Mr. Mottisfont at his most sarcastic.
-
-David got the better of his momentary embarrassment.
-
-“I shan’t forget that you’ve thought of it, sir,” he said. “But I can’t
-benefit under a patient’s will. I haven’t got many principles, but
-that’s one of them. My father drummed it into me from the time I was
-about seven.”
-
-Old Mr. Edward Mottisfont lifted the thin eyebrows that had contrived to
-remain coal-black, although his hair was white. They gave him a
-Mephistophelean appearance of which he was rather proud.
-
-“Very fine and highfalutin,” he observed. “You’re an exceedingly upright
-young man, David.”
-
-David roared.
-
-After a moment the old gentleman’s lips gave way at the corners, and he
-laughed too.
-
-“Oh, Lord, David, who’d ha’ thought it of you!” he said. “You won’t take
-a thousand?”
-
-David shook his head.
-
-“Not five hundred?”
-
-David grinned.
-
-“Not five pence,” he said.
-
-Old Mr. Mottisfont glared at him for a moment. “Prig,” he observed with
-great conciseness. Then he pursed up his lips, felt under his pillow,
-and pulled out a long folded paper.
-
-“All the more for Edward,” he said maliciously. “All the more for
-Edward, and all the more reason for Edward to wish me dead. I wonder he
-don’t poison me. Perhaps he will. Oh, Lord, I’d give something to see
-Edward tried for murder! Think of it, David—only think of it—Twelve
-British Citizens in one box—Edward in another—all the British Citizens
-looking at Edward, and Edward looking as if he was in church, and
-wondering if the moth was getting into his collections, and if any one
-would care for ’em when he was dead and gone. Eh, David? Eh, David? And
-Mary—like Niobe, all tears——”
-
-David had been chuckling to himself, but at the mention of Edward’s wife
-his face changed a little. He continued to laugh, but his eyes hardened,
-and he interrupted his patient: “Come, sir, you mustn’t tire yourself.”
-
-“Like Niobe, all tears,” repeated Mr. Mottisfont, obstinately. “Sweetly
-pretty she’d look too—eh, David? Edward’s a lucky dog, ain’t he?”
-
-David’s eyes flashed once and then hardened still more. His chin was
-very square.
-
-“Come, sir,” he repeated, and looked steadily at the old man.
-
-“Beast—ain’t I?” said old Mr. Mottisfont with the utmost cheerfulness.
-He occupied himself with arranging the bedclothes in an accurate line
-across his chest. As he did so, his hand touched the long folded paper,
-and he gave it an impatient push.
-
-“You’re a damn nuisance, David,” he said. “I’ve made my will once, and
-now I’ve to make it all over again just to please you. All the whole
-blessed thing over again, from ‘I, Edward Morell Mottisfont,’ down to ‘I
-deliver this my act and deed.’ Oh, Lord, what a bore.”
-
-“Mr. Fenwick,” suggested David, and old Mr. Edward Mottisfont flared
-into sudden wrath.
-
-“Don’t talk to me of lawyers,” he said violently. “I know enough law to
-make a will they can’t upset. Don’t talk of ’em. Sharks and robbers.
-Worse than the doctors. Besides young Fenwick talks—tells his wife
-things—and she tells her sister. And what Mary Bowden knows, the town
-knows. Did I ever tell you how I found out? I suspected, but I wanted to
-be sure. So I sent for young Fenwick, and told him I wanted to make my
-will. So far, so good. I made it—or he did. And I left a couple of
-thousand pounds to Bessie Fenwick and a couple more to her sister Mary
-in memory of my old friendship with their father. And as soon as Master
-Fenwick had gone I put his morning’s work in the fire. Now how do I know
-he talked? This way. A week later I met Mary Bowden in the High Street,
-and I had the fright of my life. I declare I thought she’d ha’ kissed
-me. It was ‘I hope you are prudent to be out in this east wind, dear Mr.
-Mottisfont,’ and I must come and see them soon—and oh, Lord, what fools
-women are! Mary Bowden never could abide me till she thought I’d left
-her two thousand pounds.”
-
-“Fenwicks aren’t the only lawyers in the world,” suggested David.
-
-“Much obliged, I’m sure. I did go to one once to make a will—they say
-it’s sweet to play the fool sometimes—eh, David? Fool I was sure enough.
-I found a little mottled man, that sat blinking at me, and repeating my
-words, till I could have murdered him with his own office pen-knife. He
-called me Moral too, in stead of Morell. ‘Edward Moral Mottisfont,’ and
-I took occasion to inform him that I wasn’t moral, never had been moral,
-and never intended to be moral. I said he must be thinking of my nephew
-Edward, who was damn moral. Oh, Lord, here _is_ Edward. I could ha’ done
-without him.”
-
-The door opened as he was speaking, and young Edward Mottisfont came in.
-He was a slight, fair man with a well-shaped head, a straight nose, and
-as much chin as a great many other people. He wore _pince-nez_ because
-he was short-sighted, and high collars because he had a long neck. Both
-the _pince-nez_ and the collar had an intensely irritating effect upon
-old Mr. Edward Mottisfont.
-
-“If he hadn’t been for ever blinking at some bug that was just out of
-his sight, his eyes would have been as good as mine, and he might just
-as well keep his head in a butterfly net or a collecting box as where he
-does keep it. Not that I should have said that Edward _did_ keep his
-head.”
-
-“I think you flurry him, sir,” said David, “and——”
-
-“I know I do,” grinned Mr. Mottisfont.
-
-Young Edward Mottisfont came into the room and shut the door.
-
-Old Mr. Mottisfont watched him with black, malicious eyes.
-
-For as many years as Edward could remember anything, he could remember
-just that look upon his uncle’s face. It made him uneasy now, as it had
-made him uneasy when he was only five years old.
-
-Once when he was fifteen he said to David Blake: “You cheek him, David,
-and he likes you for it. How on earth do you manage it? Doesn’t he make
-you feel beastly?”
-
-And David stared and said: “Beastly? Rats! Why should I feel beastly?
-He’s jolly amusing. He makes me laugh.”
-
-At thirty, Edward no longer employed quite the same ingenuous slang, but
-there was no doubt that he still experienced the same sensations, which
-fifteen years earlier he had characterised as beastly.
-
-Old Mr. Edward Mottisfont lay in bed with his hands folded on his chest.
-He watched his nephew with considerable amusement, and waited for him to
-speak.
-
-Edward took a chair beside the bed. Then he said that it was a fine day,
-and old Mr. Mottisfont nodded twice with much solemnity.
-
-“Yes, Edward,” he said.
-
-There was a pause.
-
-“I hope you are feeling pretty well,” was the unfortunate Edward’s next
-attempt at conversation.
-
-Old Mr. Edward Mottisfont looked across at David Blake. “Am I feeling
-pretty well—eh, David?”
-
-David laughed. He had moved when Edward came into the room, and was
-standing by the window looking out. A little square pane was open.
-Through it came the drowsy murmur of a drowsy, old-fashioned town. Mr.
-Mottisfont’s house stood a few yards back from the road, just at the
-head of the High Street. Market Harford was a very old town, and the
-house was a very old house. There was a staircase which was admired by
-American visitors, and a front door for which they occasionally made
-bids. From where Mr. Mottisfont lay in bed he could see a narrow lane
-hedged in by high old houses with red tiles. Beyond, the ground fell
-sharply away, and there was a prospect of many red roofs. Farther still,
-beyond the river, he could see the great black chimneys of his foundry,
-and the smoke that came from them. It was the sight that he loved best
-in the world. David looked down into the High Street and watched one
-lamp after another spring into brightness. He could see a long ribbon of
-light go down to the river and then rise again. He turned back into the
-room when he was appealed to, and said:
-
-“Why, you know best how you feel, sir.”
-
-“Oh, no,” said old Mr. Mottisfont in a smooth, resigned voice. “Oh, no,
-David. In a private and unofficial sort of way, yes; but in a public and
-official sense, oh, dear, no. Edward wants to know when to order his
-mourning, and how to arrange his holiday so as not to clash with my
-funeral, so it is for my medical adviser to reply, ain’t it, Edward?”
-
-The colour ran to the roots of Edward Mottisfont’s fair hair. He cast an
-appealing glance in David’s direction, and did not speak.
-
-“I don’t think any of us will order our mourning till you’re dead, sir,”
-said David with a chuckle. He commiserated Edward, but, after all,
-Edward was a lucky dog—and to see one’s successful rival at a
-disadvantage is not an altogether unpleasant experience. “You’ll outlive
-some of us young ones yet,” he added, but old Mr. Mottisfont was
-frowning.
-
-“Seen any more of young Stevenson, Edward?” he said, with an abrupt
-change of manner.
-
-Edward shook his head rather ruefully.
-
-“No, sir, I haven’t.”
-
-“No, and you ain’t likely to,” said old Mr. Mottisfont. “There, you’d
-best be gone. I’ve talked enough.”
-
-“Then good-night, sir,” said Edward Mottisfont, getting up with some
-show of cheerfulness.
-
-The tone of Mr. Mottisfont’s good-night was not nearly such a pleasant
-one, and as soon as the door had closed upon Edward he flung round
-towards David Blake with an angry “What’s the good of him? What’s the
-good of the fellow? He’s not a business man. He’s not a man at all; he’s
-an entomologiac—a lepidoptofool—a damn lepidoptofool.”
-
-These remarkable epithets followed one another with an extraordinary
-rapidity.
-
-When the old gentleman paused for breath David inquired, “What’s the
-trouble, sir?”
-
-“Oh, he’s muddled the new contract with Stevenson. Thinking of
-butterflies, I expect. Pretty things, butterflies—but there—I don’t see
-that I need distress myself. It ain’t me it’s going to touch. It’s
-Edward’s own look-out. My income ain’t going to concern me for very much
-longer.”
-
-He was silent for a moment. Then he made a restless movement with his
-hand.
-
-“It won’t, will it—eh, David? You didn’t mean what you said just now? It
-was just a flam? I ain’t going to live, am I?”
-
-David hesitated and the old man broke in with an extraordinary energy.
-
-“Oh, for the Lord’s sake, David, I’m not a girl—out with it! How long d’
-ye give me?”
-
-David sat down on the bed again. His movements had a surprising
-gentleness for so large a man. His odd, humorous face was quite serious.
-
-“Really, sir, I don’t know,” he said, “I really don’t. There’s no more
-to be done if you won’t let me operate. No, we won’t go over all that
-again. I know you’ve made up your mind. And no one can possibly say how
-long it may be. You might have died this week, or you may die in a
-month, or it may go on for a year—or two—or three. You’ve the sort of
-constitution they don’t make nowadays.”
-
-“Three years,” said old Mr. Edward Mottisfont—“three years, David—and
-this damn pain all along—all the time—gettin’ worse——”
-
-“Oh, I think we can relieve the pain, sir,” said David cheerfully.
-
-“Much obliged, David. Some beastly drug that’ll turn me into an idiot.
-No, thank ye, I’ll keep my wits if it’s all the same to you. Well, well,
-it’s all in the day’s work, and I’m not complaining, but Edward’ll get
-mortal tired of waiting for my shoes if I last three years. I doubt his
-patience holding out. He’ll be bound to hasten matters on. Think of the
-bad example I shall be for the baby—when it comes. Lord, David, what d’
-ye want to look like that for? I suppose they’ll have babies like other
-folk, and I’ll be a bad example for ’em. Edward’ll think of that. When
-he’s thought of it enough, and I’ve got on his nerves a bit more than
-usual, he’ll put strychnine or arsenic into my soup. Oh, Edward’ll
-poison me yet. You’ll see.”
-
-“Poor old Edward, it’s not much in his line,” said David with half a
-laugh.
-
-“Eh? What about Pellico’s dog then?”
-
-“Pellico’s dog, sir?”
-
-“What an innocent young man you are, David—never heard of Pellico’s dog
-before, did you? Pellico’s dog that got on Edward’s nerves same as I get
-on his nerves, and you never knew that Edward dosed the poor brute with
-some of his bug-curing stuff, eh? To be sure you didn’t think I knew,
-nor did Edward. I don’t tell everything I know, and how I know it is my
-affair and none of yours, Master David Blake, but you see Edward’s not
-so unhandy with a little job in the poisoning line.”
-
-David’s face darkened. The incident of Pellico’s dog had occurred when
-he and Edward were schoolboys of fifteen. He remembered it very well,
-but he did not very much care being reminded of it. Every day of his
-life he passed the narrow turning, down which, in defiance of parental
-prohibitions, he and Edward used to race each other to school. Old
-Pellico’s dirty, evil-smelling shop still jutted out of the farther end,
-and the grimy door-step upon which his dog used to lie in wait for their
-ankles was still as grimy as ever. Sometimes it was a trouser-leg that
-suffered. Sometimes an ankle was nipped, and if Pellico’s dog
-occasionally got a kick in return, it was not more than his due. David
-remembered his own surprise when it first dawned upon him that Edward
-minded—yes, actually minded these encounters. He recalled the occasion
-when Edward, his face of a suspicious pallor, had denied angrily that he
-was afraid of any beastly dog, and then his sudden wincing confession
-that he did mind—that he minded horribly—not because he was afraid of
-being bitten—Edward explained this point very carefully—but because the
-dog made such a beastly row, and because Edward dreamed of him at night,
-only in his dreams, Pellico’s dog was rather larger than Pellico
-himself, and the lane was a cul-de-sac with a wall at the end of it,
-against which he crouched in his dream whilst the dog came nearer and
-nearer.
-
-“What rot,” was David’s comment, “but if I felt like that, I jolly well
-know I’d knock the brute on the head.”
-
-“Would you?” said Edward, and that was all that had passed. Only, when a
-week later Pellico’s dog was poisoned, David was filled with righteous
-indignation. He stormed at Edward.
-
-“You did it—you know you did it. You did it with some of that beastly
-bug-killing stuff that you keep knocking about.”
-
-Edward was pale, but there was an odd gleam of triumph in the eyes that
-met David’s.
-
-“Well, you said you’d do for him—you said it yourself. So then I just
-did it.”
-
-David stared at him with all a schoolboy’s crude condemnation of
-something that was “not the game.”
-
-“I’d have knocked him on the head under old Pellico’s nose—but
-poison—poison’s _beastly_.”
-
-He did not reason about it. It was just instinct. You knocked on the
-head a brute that annoyed you, but you didn’t use poison. And Edward had
-used poison. That was the beginning of David’s great intimacy with
-Elizabeth Chantrey. He did not quarrel with Edward, but they drifted out
-of an inseparable friendship into a relationship of the cool,
-go-as-you-please order. The thing rankled a little after all these
-years. David sat there frowning and remembering. Old Mr. Mottisfont
-laughed.
-
-“Aha, you see I know most things,” he said, “Edward’ll poison me yet.
-You see, he’s in a fix. He hankers after this house same as I always
-hankered after it. It’s about the only taste we have in common. He’s got
-his own house on a seven years’ lease, and here’s Nick Anderson going to
-be married, and willing to take it off his hands. And what’s Edward to
-do? It’s a terrible anxiety for him not knowing if I’m going to die or
-not. If he doesn’t accept Nick’s offer and I die, he’ll have two houses
-on his hands. If he accepts it and I don’t die, he’ll not have a house
-at all. It’s a sad dilemma for Edward. That’s why he would enjoy seeing
-about my funeral so much. He’d do it all very handsomely. Edward likes
-things handsome. And Mary, who doesn’t care a jot for me, will wear a
-black dress that don’t suit her, and feel like a Christian martyr. And
-Elizabeth won’t wear black at all, though she cares a good many jots,
-and though she’d look a deal better in it than Mary—eh, David?”
-
-But David Blake was exclaiming at the lateness of the hour, and saying
-good-night, all in a breath.
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER II
- DAVID BLAKE
-
-
- Grey, grey mist
- Over the old grey town,
- A mist of years, a mist of tears,
- Where ghosts go up and down;
- And the ghosts they whisper thus, and thus,
- Of the days when the world went with us.
-
-A minute or two later Elizabeth Chantrey came into the room. She was a
-very tall woman, with a beautiful figure. All her movements were strong,
-sure, and graceful. She carried a lighted lamp in her left hand. Mr.
-Mottisfont abominated electric light and refused obstinately to have it
-in the house. When Elizabeth had closed the door and set down the lamp,
-she crossed over to the window and fastened a heavy oak shutter across
-it. Then she sat down by the bed.
-
-“Well,” she said in her pleasant voice.
-
-“H’m,” said old Mr. Mottisfont, “well or ill’s all a matter of opinion,
-same as religion, or the cut of a dress.” He shut his mouth with a snap,
-and lay staring at the ceiling. Presently his eyes wandered back to
-Elizabeth. She was sitting quite still, with her hands folded. Very few
-busy women ever sit still at all, but Elizabeth Chantrey, who was a very
-busy woman, was also a woman of a most reposeful presence. She could be
-unoccupied without appearing idle, just as she could be silent without
-appearing either stupid or constrained. Old Edward Mottisfont looked at
-her for about five minutes. Then he said suddenly:
-
-“What’ll you do when I’m dead, Elizabeth?”
-
-Elizabeth made no protest, as her sister Mary would have done. She had
-not been Edward Mottisfont’s ward since she was fourteen for nothing.
-She understood him very well, and she was perhaps the one creature whom
-he really loved. She leaned her chin in her hand and said:
-
-“I don’t know, Mr. Mottisfont.”
-
-Mr. Mottisfont never took his eyes off her face.
-
-“Edward’ll want to move in here as soon as possible. What’ll you do?”
-
-“I don’t know,” repeated Elizabeth, frowning a little.
-
-“Well, if you don’t know, perhaps you’ll listen to reason, and do as I
-ask you.”
-
-“If I can,” said Elizabeth Chantrey.
-
-He nodded.
-
-“Stay here a year,” he said, “a year isn’t much to ask—eh?”
-
-“Here?”
-
-“Yes—in this house. I’ve spoken about it to Edward. Odd creature,
-Edward, but, I believe, truthful. Said he was quite agreeable. Even went
-so far as to say he was fond of you, and that Mary would be pleased.
-Said you’d too much tact to obtrude yourself, and that of course you’d
-keep your own rooms. No, I don’t suppose you’ll find it particularly
-pleasant, but I believe you’ll find it worth while. Give it a year.”
-
-Elizabeth started ever so slightly. One may endure for years, and make
-no sign, to wince at last in one unguarded moment. So he knew—had always
-known. Again Elizabeth made no protest.
-
-“A year,” she said in a low voice, “a year—I’ve given fifteen years.
-Isn’t fifteen years enough?”
-
-Something fierce came into old Edward Mottisfont’s eyes. His whole face
-hardened. “He’s a damn fool,” he said.
-
-Elizabeth laughed.
-
-“Of course he must be,” and she laughed again.
-
-The old man nodded.
-
-“Grit,” he said to himself, “grit. That’s the way—laugh, Elizabeth,
-laugh—and let him go hang for a damn fool. He ain’t worth it—no man
-living’s worth it. But give him a year all the same.”
-
-If old Mr. Mottisfont had not been irritated with David Blake for being
-as he put it, a damn fool, he would not have made the references he had
-done to his nephew Edward’s wife. They touched David upon the raw, and
-old Mr. Mottisfont was very well aware of it. As David went out of the
-room and closed the door, a strange mood came upon him. All the many
-memories of this house, familiar to him from early boyhood, all the many
-memories of this town of his birth and upbringing, rose about him. It
-was a strange mood, but yet not a sad one, though just beyond it lay the
-black shadow which is the curse of the Celt. David Blake came of an old
-Irish stock, although he had never seen Ireland. He had the vein of
-poetry—the vein of sadness, which are born at a birth with Irish humour
-and Irish wit.
-
-As he went down the staircase, the famous staircase with its carved
-newels, the light of a moving lamp came up from below, and at the turn
-of the stair he stood aside to let Elizabeth Chantrey pass. She wore a
-grey dress, and the lamp-light shone upon her hair and made it look like
-very pale gold. It was thick hair—very fine and thick, and she wore it
-in a great plait like a crown. In the daytime it was not golden at all,
-but just the colour of the pale thick honey with which wax is mingled.
-Long ago a Chantrey had married a wife from Norway with Elizabeth’s hair
-and Elizabeth’s dark grey eyes.
-
-“Good-night, David,” said Elizabeth Chantrey. She would have passed on,
-but to her surprise David made no movement. He was looking at her.
-
-“This is where I first saw you, Elizabeth,” he said in a remembering
-voice. “You had on a grey dress, like that one, but Mary was in blue,
-because Mr. Mottisfont wouldn’t let her wear mourning. Do you remember
-how shocked poor Miss Agatha was?—‘and their mother only dead a month!’
-I can hear her now.” Mary—yes, he remembered little Mary Chantrey in her
-blue dress. He could see her now—nine years old—in a blue dress—with
-dark curling hair and round brown eyes, holding tightly to Elizabeth’s
-skirts, and much too shy to speak to the big strange boy who was
-Edward’s friend.
-
-Elizabeth watched him. She knew very well that he was not thinking of
-her, although he had remembered the grey dress. And yet—for five
-years—it was she and not Mary to whom David came with every mood. During
-those five years, the years between fourteen and nineteen, it was always
-Elizabeth and David, David and Elizabeth. Then when David was twenty,
-and in his first year at hospital, Dr. Blake died suddenly, and for four
-years David came no more to Market Harford. Mrs. Blake went to live with
-a sister in the north, and David’s vacations were spent with his mother.
-For a time he wrote often—then less often—finally only at Christmas. And
-the years passed. Elizabeth’s girlhood passed. Mary grew up. And when
-David Blake had been nearly three years qualified, and young Dr.
-Ellerton was drowned out boating, David bought from Mrs. Ellerton a
-share in the practice that had been his father’s, and brought his mother
-back to Market Harford. Mrs. Blake lived only for a year, but before she
-died she had seen David fall headlong in love, not with her dear
-Elizabeth, but with Mary—pretty little Mary—who was turning the heads of
-all the young men, sending Jimmy Larkin with a temporarily broken heart
-to India, Jack Webster with a much more seriously injured one to the
-West Coast of Africa, and enjoying herself mightily the while. Elizabeth
-had memories as well as David. They came at least as near sadness as
-his. She thought she had remembered quite enough for one evening, and
-she set her foot on the stair above the landing.
-
-“Poor Miss Agatha!” she said. “What a worry we were to her, and how she
-disliked our coming here. I can remember her grumbling to Mr.
-Mottisfont, and saying, ‘Children make such a work in the house,’ and
-Mr. Mottisfont——”
-
-Elizabeth laughed.
-
-“Mr. Mottisfont said, ‘Don’t be such a damn old maid, Agatha. For the
-Lord’s sake, what’s the good of a woman that can’t mind children?’”
-
-David laughed too. He remembered Miss Agatha’s fussy indignation.
-
-“Good-night, David,” said Elizabeth, and she passed on up the wide,
-shallow stair.
-
-The light went with her. From below there came only a glimmer, for the
-lamp in the hall was still turned low. David went slowly on. As he was
-about to open the front door, Edward Mottisfont came out of the
-dining-room on the left.
-
-“One minute, David,” he said, and took him by the arm. “Look here—I
-think I ought to know. Is my uncle likely to live on indefinitely? Did
-you mean what you said upstairs?”
-
-It was the second time that David Blake had been asked if he meant those
-words. He answered a trifle irritably.
-
-“Why should I say what I don’t mean? He may live three years or he may
-die to-morrow. Why on earth should I say it if I didn’t think it?”
-
-“Oh, I don’t know,” said Edward. “You might have been saying it just to
-cheer the old man up.”
-
-There was a certain serious simplicity about Edward Mottisfont. It was
-this quality in him which his uncle stigmatised as priggishness. Your
-true prig is always self-conscious, but Edward was not at all
-self-conscious. From his own point of view he saw things quite clearly.
-It was other people’s points of view which had a confusing effect upon
-him. David laughed.
-
-“It didn’t exactly cheer him up,” he said. “He isn’t as set on living as
-all that comes to.”
-
-Edward appeared to be rather struck by this statement.
-
-“Isn’t he?” he said.
-
-He opened the door as he spoke, but suddenly closed it again. His tone
-altered. It became eager and boyish.
-
-“David, I _say_—you know Jimmy Larkin was transferred to Assam some
-months ago? Well, I wrote and asked him to remember me if he came across
-anything like specimens. Of course his forest work gives him simply
-priceless opportunities. He wrote back and said he would see what he
-could do, and last mail he sent me——”
-
-“What—a package of live scorpions?”
-
-“No—not specimens—oh, if he could only have sent the specimen—but it was
-the next best thing—a drawing—you remember how awfully well Jimmy drew—a
-coloured drawing of a perfectly new slug.”
-
-Edward’s tone became absolutely ecstatic. He began to rumple up his fair
-hair, as he always did when he was excited. “I can’t find it in any of
-the books,” he said, “and they’d never even heard of it at the Natural
-History Museum. Five yellow bands on a black ground—what do you think of
-that?”
-
-“I should say it was Jimmy, larking,” murmured David, getting the door
-open and departing hastily, but Edward was a great deal too busy
-wondering whether the slug ought in justice to be called after Jimmy, or
-whether he might name it after himself, to notice this ribaldry.
-
-David Blake came out into a clear September night. The sky was cloudless
-and the air was still. Presently there would be a moon. David walked
-down the brightly-lighted High Street, with its familiar shops. Here and
-there were a few new names, but for the most part he had known them all
-from childhood. Half-way down the hill he passed the tall grey house
-which had once had his father’s plate upon the door—the house where
-David was born. Old Mr. Bull lived there now, his father’s partner once,
-retired these eighteen months in favour of his nephew, Tom Skeffington.
-All Market Harford wondered what Dr. Bull could possibly want with a
-house so much too large for him. He used only half the rooms, and the
-house had a sadly neglected air, but there were days, and this was one
-of them, when David, passing, could have sworn that the house had not
-changed hands at all and that the blind of his mother’s room was lifted
-a little as he went by. She used to wave to him from that window as he
-came from school. She wore the diamond ring which David kept locked up
-in his despatch-box. Sometimes it caught the light and flashed. David
-could have sworn that he saw it flash to-night. But the house was all
-dark and silent. The old days were gone. David walked on.
-
-At the bottom of the High Street, just before you come to the bridge, he
-turned up to the right, where a paved path with four stone posts across
-the entrance came into the High Street at right angles. The path ran
-along above the river, with a low stone wall to the left, and a row of
-grey stone houses to the right. Between the wall and the river there
-were trees, which made a pleasant shade in the summer. Now they were
-losing their leaves. David opened the door of the seventh house with his
-latch-key, and went in. That night he dreamed his dream. It was a long
-time now since he had dreamed it, but it was an old dream—one that
-recurred from time to time—one that had come to him at intervals for as
-long as he could remember. And it was always the same—through all the
-years it never varied—it was always just the same.
-
-He dreamed that he was standing upon the seashore. It was a wide, low
-shore, with a long, long stretch of sand that shone like silver under a
-silver moon. It shone because it was wet, still quite wet from the touch
-of the tide. The tide was very low. David stood on the shore, and saw
-the moon go down into the sea. As it went down it changed slowly. It
-became golden, and the sand turned golden too. A wind began to blow in
-from the sea. A wind from the west—a wind that was strong, and yet very
-gentle. At the edge of the sea there stood a woman, with long floating
-hair and a long floating dress. She stood between David and the golden
-moon, and the wind blew out her dress and her long floating hair. But
-David never saw her face. Always he longed to see her face, but he never
-saw it. He stood upon the shore and could not move to go to her. When he
-was a boy he used to walk in his sleep in the nights when he had this
-dream. Once he was awakened by the touch of cold stones under his bare
-feet. And there he stood, just as he had come from bed, on the wet
-door-step, with the front door open behind him. After that he locked his
-door. Now he walked in his sleep no longer, and it was more than a year
-since he had dreamed the dream at all, but to-night it came to him
-again.
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER III
- DEAD MEN’S SHOES
-
-
- There’s many a weary game to be played
- With never a penny to choose,
- But the weariest game in all the world
- Is waiting for dead men’s shoes.
-
-It was about a week later that Edward Mottisfont rang David Blake up on
-the telephone and begged him in agitated accents, to come to Mr.
-Mottisfont without delay.
-
-“It’s another attack—a very bad one,” said Edward in the hall. His voice
-shook a little, and he seemed very nervous. David thought it was
-certainly a bad attack. He also thought it a strange one. The old man
-was in great pain, and very ill. Elizabeth Chantrey was in the room, but
-after a glance at his patient, David sent her away. As she went she made
-a movement to take up an empty cup which stood on the small table beside
-the bed, and old Mr. Edward Mottisfont fairly snapped at her.
-
-“Leave it, will you—I’ve stopped Edward taking it twice. Leave it, I
-say!”
-
-Elizabeth went out without a word, and Mr. Mottisfont caught David’s
-wrist in a shaky grip.
-
-“D’ you know why I wouldn’t let her take that cup? D’ you know why?”
-
-“No, sir——”
-
-Old Mr. Mottisfont’s voice dropped to a thread. He was panting a little.
-
-“I was all right till I drank that damned tea, David,” he said, “and
-Edward brought it to me—Edward——”
-
-“Come, sir—come—” said David gently. He was really fond of this queer
-old man, and he was distressed for him.
-
-“David, you won’t let him give me things—you’ll look to it. Look in the
-cup. I wouldn’t let ’em take the cup—there’s dregs. Look at ’em, David.”
-
-David took up the cup and walked to the window. About a tablespoonful of
-cold tea remained. David tilted the cup, then became suddenly attentive.
-That small remainder of cold tea with the little skim of cream upon it
-had suddenly become of absorbing interest. David tilted the cup still
-more. The tea made a little pool on one side of it, and all across the
-bottom of the cup a thick white sediment drained slowly down into the
-pool. It was such a sediment as is left by very chalky water. But all
-the water of Market Harford is as soft as rain-water. It is not only
-chalk that makes a sediment like that. Arsenic makes one, too. David put
-down the cup quickly. He opened the door and went out into the passage.
-From the far end Elizabeth Chantrey came to meet him, and he gave her a
-hastily scribbled note for the chemist, and asked her for one or two
-things that were in the house. When he came back into Mr. Mottisfont’s
-room he went straight to the wash-stand, took up a small glass bottle
-labelled ipecacuanha wine and spent two or three minutes in washing it
-thoroughly. Then he poured into it very carefully the contents of the
-cup. He did all this in total silence, and in a very quiet and
-business-like manner.
-
-Old Mr. Edward Mottisfont lay on his right side and watched him. His
-face was twisted with pain, and there was a dampness upon his brow, but
-his eyes followed every motion that David made and noted every look upon
-his face. They were intent—alive—observant. Whilst David stood by the
-wash-stand, with his back towards the bed, old Mr. Edward Mottisfont’s
-lips twisted themselves into an odd smile. A gleam of sardonic humour
-danced for a moment in the watching eyes. When David put down the bottle
-and came over to the bed, the gleam was gone, and there was only
-pain—great pain—in the old, restless face. There was a knock at the
-door, and Elizabeth Chantrey came in.
-
-Three hours later David Blake came out of the room that faced old Mr.
-Mottisfont’s at the farther end of the corridor. It was a long, low
-room, fitted up as a laboratory—very well and fully fitted up—for the
-old man had for years found his greatest pleasure and relaxation in
-experimenting with chemicals. Some of his experiments he confided to
-David, but the majority he kept carefully to himself. They were of a
-somewhat curious nature. David Blake came out of the laboratory with a
-very stern look upon his face. As he went down the stair he met with
-Edward Mottisfont coming up. The sternness intensified. Edward looked an
-unspoken question, and then without a word turned and went down before
-David into the hall. Then he waited.
-
-“Gone?” he said in a sort of whisper, and David bent his head.
-
-He was remembering that it was only a week since he had told Edward in
-this very spot that his uncle might live for three years. Well, he was
-dead now. The old man was dead now—out of the way—some one had seen to
-that. Who? David could still hear Edward Mottisfont’s voice asking, “How
-long is he likely to live?” and his own answer, “Perhaps three years.”
-
-“Come in here,” said Edward Mottisfont. He opened the dining-room door
-as he spoke, and David followed him into a dark, old-fashioned room,
-separated from the one behind it by folding-doors. One of the doors
-stood open about an inch, but there was only one lamp in the room, and
-neither of the two men paid any attention to such a trifling
-circumstance.
-
-Edward sat down by the table, which was laid for dinner. Even above the
-white tablecloth his face was noticeably white. All his life this old
-man had been his bugbear. He had hated him, not with the hot hatred
-which springs from one great sudden wrong, but with the cold slow
-abhorrence bred of a thousand trifling oppressions. He had looked
-forward to his death. For years he had thought to himself, “Well, he
-can’t live for ever.” But now that the old man was dead, and the yoke
-lifted from his neck, he felt no relief—no sense of freedom. He felt
-oddly shocked.
-
-David Blake did not sit down. He stood at the opposite side of the table
-and looked at Edward. From where he stood he could see first the white
-tablecloth, then Edward’s face, and on the wall behind Edward, a
-full-length portrait of old Edward Mottisfont at the age of thirty. It
-was the work of a young man whom Market Harford had looked upon as a
-very disreputable young man. He had since become so famous that they had
-affixed a tablet to the front of the house in which he had once lived.
-The portrait was one of the best he had ever painted, and the eyes,
-Edward Mottisfont’s black, malicious eyes, looked down from the wall at
-his nephew, and at David Blake. Neither of the men had spoken since they
-entered the room, but they were both so busy with their thoughts that
-neither noticed how silent the other was.
-
-At last David spoke. He said in a hard level voice:
-
-“Edward, I can’t sign the certificate. There will have to be an
-inquest.”
-
-Edward Mottisfont looked up with a great start.
-
-“An inquest?” he said, “an inquest?”
-
-One of David’s hands rested on the table. “I can’t sign the
-certificate,” he repeated.
-
-Edward stared at him.
-
-“Why not?” he said. “I don’t understand——”
-
-“Don’t you?” said David Blake.
-
-Edward rumpled up his hair in a distracted fashion.
-
-“I don’t understand,” he repeated. “An inquest? Why, you’ve been
-attending him all these months, and you said he might die at any time.
-You said it only the other day. I don’t understand——”
-
-“Nor do I,” said David curtly.
-
-Edward stared again.
-
-“What do you mean?”
-
-“Mr. Mottisfont might have lived for some time,” said David Blake,
-speaking slowly. “I was attending him for a chronic illness, which would
-have killed him sooner or later. But it didn’t kill him. It didn’t have
-a chance. He died of poisoning—arsenic poisoning.”
-
-One of Edward’s hands was lying on the table. His whole arm twitched,
-and the hand fell over, palm upwards. The fingers opened and closed
-slowly. David found himself staring at that slowly moving hand.
-
-“Impossible,” said Edward, and his breath caught in his throat as he
-said it.
-
-“I’m afraid not.”
-
-Edward leaned forward a little.
-
-“But, David,” he said, “it’s not possible. Who—who do you think—who
-would do such a thing? Or—suicide—do you think he committed suicide?”
-
-David drew himself suddenly away from the table. All at once the feeling
-had come to him that he could no longer touch what Edward touched.
-
-“No, I don’t think it was suicide,” he said. “But of course it’s not my
-business to think at all. I shall give my evidence, and there, as far as
-I am concerned, the matter ends.”
-
-Edward looked helplessly at David.
-
-“Evidence?” he repeated.
-
-“At the inquest,” said David Blake.
-
-“I don’t understand,” said Edward again. He put his head in his hands,
-and seemed to be thinking.
-
-“Are you sure?” he said at last. “I don’t see how—it was an attack—just
-like his other attacks—and then he died—you always said he might die in
-one of those attacks.”
-
-There was a sort of trembling eagerness in Edward’s tone. A feeling of
-nausea swept over David. The scene had become intolerable.
-
-“Mr. Mottisfont died because he drank a cup of tea which contained
-enough arsenic to kill a man in robust health,” he said sharply.
-
-He looked once at Edward, saw him start, and added, “and I think that
-you brought him that tea.”
-
-“Yes,” said Edward. “He asked me for it, how could there be arsenic in
-it?”
-
-“There was,” said David Blake.
-
-“Arsenic? But I brought him the tea——”
-
-“Yes, you brought him the tea.”
-
-Edward lifted his head. His eyes behind his glasses had a misty and
-bewildered look. His voice shook a little.
-
-“But—if there’s an inquest—they might say—they might think——”
-
-He pushed his chair back a little way, and half rose from it, resting
-his hands on the table, and peering across it.
-
-“David, why do you look at me like that?”
-
-David Blake turned away.
-
-“It’s none of my business,” he said, “I’ve got to give my evidence, and
-for God’s sake, Edward, pull yourself together before the inquest, and
-get decent legal advice, for you’ll need it.”
-
-Edward was shockingly pale.
-
-“You mean—what do you mean? That people will think—it’s impossible.”
-
-David went towards the door. His face was like a flint.
-
-“I mean this,” he said. “Mr. Mottisfont died of arsenic poisoning. The
-arsenic was in a cup of tea which he drank. You brought him the tea. You
-are undoubtedly in a very serious position. There will have to be an
-inquest.”
-
-Edward had risen completely. He made a step towards David.
-
-“But if you were to sign the certificate—there wouldn’t need to be an
-inquest—David——”
-
-“But I’m damned if I’ll sign the certificate,” said David Blake.
-
-He went out and shut the door sharply behind him.
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER IV
- A MAN’S HONOUR
-
-
- “Will you give me your heart?” she said.
- “Oh, I gave it you long ago,” said he.
- “Why, then, I threw it away,” said she.
- “And what will you give me instead?
- Will you give me your honour?” she said.
-
-“Elizabeth!”
-
-There was a pause.
-
-“Elizabeth—open your door!”
-
-Elizabeth Chantrey came back from a long way off. Mary was calling her.
-Mary was knocking at her door. She got up rather wearily, turned the
-key, and with a little gasp, Mary was in the room, shutting the door,
-and standing with her back against it. The lamp burned low, but
-Elizabeth’s eyes were accustomed to the gloom. Mary Mottisfont’s bright,
-clear colour was one of her great attractions. It was all gone and her
-dark eyes looked darker and larger than they should have done.
-
-“Why, Molly, I thought you had gone home. Edward told me he was sending
-you home an hour ago.”
-
-“He told me to go,” said Mary in a sort of stumbling whisper. “He told
-me to go—but I wanted to wait and go with him. I knew he’d be upset—I
-knew he’d feel it—when it was all over. I wanted to be with him—oh,
-Liz——”
-
-“Mary, what is it?”
-
-Mary put up a shaking hand.
-
-“I’ll tell you—don’t stop me—there’s no time—I’ll tell you—oh, I’m
-telling you as fast as I can.”
-
-She spoke in a series of gasps.
-
-“I went into your little room behind the dining-room. I knew no one
-would come. I knew I should hear any one coming or going. I opened the
-door into the dining-room—just a little——”
-
-“Mary, what _is_ it?” said Elizabeth. She put her arm round her sister,
-but Mary pushed her away.
-
-“Don’t—there’s no time. Let me go on. David came down. He came into the
-dining-room. He talked to Edward. He said, ‘I can’t sign the
-certificate,’ and Edward said, ‘Why not?’ and David said,
-‘Because’—Liz—I can’t—oh, Liz, I can’t—I can’t.”
-
-Mary caught suddenly at Elizabeth’s arm and began to sob. She had no
-tears—only hard sobs. Her pretty oval face was all white and drawn.
-There were dark marks like bruises under her hazel eyes. The little dark
-rings of hair about her forehead were damp.
-
-“Dearest—darling—my Molly dear,” said Elizabeth. She held Mary to her,
-with strong supporting arms, but the shuddering sobs went on.
-
-“Liz—it was poison. He says it was poison. He says there was poison in
-the tea—arsenic poison—and Edward took him the tea. Liz—Liz, why do such
-awful things happen? Why does God let them happen?”
-
-Elizabeth was much taller than her sister—taller and stronger. She
-released herself from the clutching fingers, and let both her hands fall
-suddenly and heavily upon Mary’s shoulders.
-
-“Molly, what are you talking about?” she cried.
-
-Mary was startled into a momentary self-control.
-
-“Mr. Mottisfont,” she said. “David said it was poison—poison, Liz.”
-
-Her voice fell to a low horrified whisper at the word, and then rose on
-the old gasp of, “Edward took him the tea.” A numbness came upon
-Elizabeth. Feeling was paralysed. She was conscious neither of horror,
-anxiety, nor sorrow. Only her brain remained clear. All her
-consciousness seemed to have gone to it, and it worked with an
-inconceivable clearness and rapidity.
-
-“Hush, Mary,” she said. “What are you saying? Edward——”
-
-Mary pushed her away.
-
-“Of course not,” she said. “Liz, if you dared—but you don’t—no one could
-really—Edward of all people. But there’s all the talk, the scandal—we
-can’t have it. It must be stopped. And we’re losing time, we’re losing
-time dreadfully. I must go to David, and stop him before he writes to
-any one, or sees any one. He must sign the certificate.”
-
-Elizabeth stood quite still for a moment. Then she went to the
-wash-stand, poured out a glass of water, and came back to Mary.
-
-“Drink this, Molly,” she said. “Yes, drink it all, and pull yourself
-together. Now listen to me. You can’t possibly go to David.”
-
-“I must go, I must,” said Mary. Her tone hardened. “Will you come with
-me, Liz, or must I go alone?”
-
-Elizabeth took the empty glass and set it down.
-
-“Molly, my dear, you must listen. No—I’m thinking of what’s best for
-every one. You don’t want any talk. If you go to David’s house at this
-hour—well, you can see for yourself. No—listen, my dear. If I ring David
-up, and ask him to come here at once—at _once_—to see me, don’t you see
-how much better that will be?”
-
-Mary’s colour came and went. She stood irresolute.
-
-“Very well,” she said at last. “If he’ll come. If he won’t, then I’ll go
-to him, and I don’t care what you say, Elizabeth—and you must be
-quick—quick.”
-
-They went downstairs in silence. Mr. Mottisfont’s study was in darkness,
-and Elizabeth brought in the lamp from the hall, holding it very
-steadily. Then she sat down at the great littered desk and rang up the
-exchange. She gave the number and they waited. After what seemed like a
-very long time, Elizabeth heard David’s voice.
-
-“Hullo!”
-
-“It is I—Elizabeth,” said Elizabeth Chantrey.
-
-“What is it?”
-
-“Can you come here at once? I want to see you at once. Yes, it is very
-important—important and urgent.”
-
-Mary was in an agony of impatience. “What does he say? Will he come?
-Will he come at once?”
-
-But Elizabeth answered David and not her sister.
-
-“No, presently won’t do. It must be at once. It’s really urgent, David,
-or I wouldn’t ask it. Yes, thank you so much. In my room.”
-
-She put down the receiver, rang off, and turned to Mary.
-
-“He is coming. Had you not better send Edward a message, or he will be
-coming back here? Ring up, and say that you are staying with me for an
-hour, and that Markham will walk home with you.”
-
-In Elizabeth’s little brown room the silence weighed and the time
-lagged. Mary walked up and down, moving
-perpetually—restlessly—uselessly. There was a small Dutch mirror above
-the writing-table. Its cut glass border caught the light, and reflected
-it in diamond points and rainbow flashes. It was the brightest thing in
-the room. Mary stood for a moment and looked at her own face. She began
-to arrange her hair with nervous, trembling fingers. She rubbed her
-cheeks, and straightened the lace at her throat. Then she fell to pacing
-up and down again.
-
-“The room’s so hot,” she said suddenly. And she went quickly to the
-window and flung it open. The air came in, cold and mournfully damp.
-Mary drew half a dozen long breaths. Then she shivered, her teeth
-chattered. She shut the window with a jerk, and as she did so David
-Blake came into the room. It was Elizabeth he saw, and it was to
-Elizabeth that he spoke.
-
-“Is anything the matter? Anything fresh?” Elizabeth moved aside, and all
-at once he saw Mary Mottisfont.
-
-“Mary wants to speak to you,” said Elizabeth. She made a step towards
-the door, but Mary called her sharply. “No, Liz—stay!”
-
-And Elizabeth drew back into the shadowed corner by the window, whilst
-Mary came forward into the light. For a moment there was silence. Mary’s
-hands were clasped before her, her chin was a little lifted, her eyes
-were desperately intent.
-
-“David,” she said in a low fluttering voice, “oh, David—I was in here—I
-heard—I could not help hearing.”
-
-“What did you hear?” asked David Blake. The words came from him with a
-sort of startled hardness.
-
-“I heard everything you said to Edward—about Mr. Mottisfont. You said it
-was poison. I heard you say it.”
-
-“Yes,” said David Blake.
-
-“And Edward took him the tea,” said Mary quickly. “Don’t you see,
-David—don’t you see how dreadful it is for Edward? People who didn’t
-know him might say—they might think such dreadful things—and if there
-were an inquest—” the words came in a sort of strangled whisper. “There
-can’t be an inquest—there _can’t_. Oh, David, you’ll sign the
-certificate, won’t you?”
-
-David’s face had been changing while she spoke. The first hard startled
-look went from it. It was succeeded by a flash of something like horror,
-and then by pain—pain and a great pity.
-
-“No, Mary, dear, I can’t,” he said very gently. He looked at her, and
-further words died upon his lips. Mary came nearer. There was a big
-chair in front of the fireplace, and she rested one hand on the back of
-it. It seemed as if she needed something firm to touch, her world was
-shifting so. David had remained standing by the door, but Mary was not a
-yard away from him now.
-
-“You see, David,” she said, still in that low tremulous voice, “you see,
-David, you haven’t thought—you can’t have thought—what it will mean if
-you don’t. Edward might be suspected of a most dreadful thing. I’m sure
-you haven’t thought of that. He might even”—Mary’s eyes widened—“he
-might even be _arrested_—and tried—and I couldn’t bear it.” The hand
-that rested on the chair began to tremble very much. “I couldn’t _bear_
-it,” said Mary piteously.
-
-“Mary, my dear,” said David, “this is a business matter, and you mustn’t
-interfere—I can’t possibly sign the certificate. Poor old Mr. Mottisfont
-did not die a natural death, and the matter will have to be inquired
-into. No innocent person need have anything to be afraid of.”
-
-“Oh!” said Mary. Her breath came hard. “You haven’t told any one—not
-yet? You haven’t written? Oh, am I too late? Have you told people
-already?”
-
-“No,” said David, “not yet, but I must.”
-
-The tears came with a rush to Mary’s eyes, and began to roll down her
-cheeks.
-
-“No, no, David, no,” she said. Her left hand went out towards him
-gropingly. “Oh, no, David, you mustn’t. You haven’t thought—indeed you
-haven’t. Innocent people can’t always prove that they are innocent. They
-_can’t_. There’s a book—a dreadful book. I’ve just been reading it.
-There was a man who was quite, quite innocent—as innocent as Edward—and
-he couldn’t prove it. And they were going to hang him—David!”
-
-Mary’s voice broke off with a sort of jerk. Her face became suddenly
-ghastly. There was an extremity of terror in every sharpened feature.
-Elizabeth stood quite straight and still by the window. She was all in
-shadow, her brown dress lost against the soft brown gloom of the
-half-drawn velvet curtain. She felt like a shadow herself as she looked
-and listened. The numbness was upon her still. She was conscious as it
-were of a black cloud that overshadowed them all—herself, Mary, Edward.
-But not David. David stood just beyond, and Mary was trying to hold him
-and to draw him into the blackness. Something in Elizabeth’s deadened
-consciousness kept saying over and over again: “Not David, not David.”
-Elizabeth saw the black cloud with a strange internal vision. With her
-bodily eyes she watched David’s face. She saw it harden when Mary looked
-at him, and quiver with pain when she looked away. She saw his hand go
-out and touch Mary’s hand, and she heard him say:
-
-“Mary, I can’t. Don’t ask me.”
-
-Mary put her other hand suddenly on David’s wrist. A bright colour
-flamed into her cheeks.
-
-“David, you used to be fond of me—once—not long ago. You said you would
-do anything for me. Anything in the world. You said you loved me. And
-you said that nowadays a man did not get the opportunity of showing a
-woman what he would do for her. You wanted to do something for me then,
-and I had nothing to ask you. Aren’t you fond of me any more, David?
-Won’t you do anything for me now?—now that I ask you?”
-
-David pulled his hand roughly from her grasp. He pushed past her, and
-crossed the room.
-
-“Mary, you don’t know what you are asking me,” he said in a tone of
-sharp exasperation. “You don’t know what you are talking about. You
-don’t seem to realise that you are asking me to become an accessory
-after the fact in a case of murder.”
-
-Mary shuddered. The word was like a blow. She spoke in a hurried
-whispering way.
-
-“But Edward—it’s for Edward. What will happen to Edward? And to me?
-Don’t you care? We’ve only been married six months. It’s such a little
-time. Don’t you care at all? I never knew such dreadful things could
-happen—not to one’s self. You read things in papers, and you never
-think—you never, never think that a thing like that could happen to
-yourself. I suppose those people don’t all die, but I should die. Oh,
-David, aren’t you going to help us?”
-
-She spoke the last words as a child might have spoken them. Her eyes
-were fixed appealingly upon David’s face. Mary Mottisfont had very
-beautiful eyes. They were hazel in colour, and in shape and expression
-they resembled those of another Mary, who was also Queen of Hearts.
-
-Elizabeth Chantrey became suddenly aware that she was shaking all over,
-and that the room was full of a thick white mist. She groped in the mist
-and found a chair. She made a step forward, and sat down. Then the mist
-grew thinner by degrees, and through it she saw that Mary had come quite
-close to David again. She was looking up at him. Her hands were against
-his breast, and she was saying:
-
-“David—David—David, you said the world was not enough to give me once.”
-
-David’s face was rigid.
-
-“You wouldn’t take what I had to give,” he said very low. He had
-forgotten Elizabeth Chantrey. He saw nothing but Mary’s eyes.
-
-“You didn’t want my love, Mary, and now you want my honour. And you say
-it is only a little thing.”
-
-Mary lifted her head and met his eyes.
-
-“Give it me,” she said. “If it is a great thing, well, I shall value it
-all the more. Oh, David, because I ask it. Because I shall love you all
-my life, and bless you all my life. And if I’m asking you a great
-thing—oh, David, you said that nothing would be too great to give me.
-Oh, David, won’t you give me this now? Won’t you give me this one thing,
-because I ask it?”
-
-As Mary spoke the mist cleared from before Elizabeth’s eyes and the
-numbness that had been upon her changed slowly into feeling. She put
-both hands to her heart, and held them there. Her heart beat against her
-hands, and every beat hurt her. She felt again, and what she felt was
-the sharpest pain that she had ever known, and she had known much pain.
-
-She had suffered when David left Market Harford. She had suffered when
-he ceased to write. She had suffered when he returned only to fall
-headlong in love with Mary. And what she had suffered then had been a
-personal pang, a thing to be struggled with, dominated, and overcome.
-Now she must look on whilst David suffered too. Must watch whilst his
-nerves tautened, his strength failed, his self-control gave way. And she
-could not shut her eyes or look away. She could not raise her thought
-above this level of pain. The black cloud overshadowed them and hid the
-light of heaven.
-
-“Because I ask you, David—David, because I ask you.”
-
-Mary’s voice trembled and fell to a quivering whisper.
-
-Suddenly David pushed her away. He turned and made a stumbling step
-towards the fireplace. His hands gripped the narrow mantelshelf. His
-eyes stared at the wall. And from the wall Mary’s eyes looked back at
-him from the miniature of Mary’s mother. There was a long minute’s
-silence. Then David swung round. His face was flushed, his eyes looked
-black.
-
-“If I do it can you hold your tongues?” he said in a rough, harsh voice.
-
-Mary drew a deep soft breath of relief. She had won. Her hands dropped
-to her side, her whole figure relaxed, her face became soft and young
-again.
-
-“O David, God bless you!” she cried.
-
-David frowned. His brows made a dark line across his face. Every feature
-was heavy and forbidding.
-
-“Can you hold your tongues?” he repeated. “Do you understand—do you
-fully understand that if a word of this is ever to get out it’s just
-sheer ruin to the lot of us? Do you grasp that?”
-
-Elizabeth Chantrey got up. She crossed the room, and stood at David’s
-side, nearly as tall as he.
-
-“Don’t do it, David,” she said, with a sudden passion in her voice.
-
-Mary turned on her in a flash.
-
-“Liz,” she cried; but David stood between.
-
-“It’s none of your business, Elizabeth. You keep out of it.” The tone
-was kinder than the words.
-
-Elizabeth was silent. She drew away, and did not speak again.
-
-“I’ll do it on one condition,” said David Blake. “You’d better go and
-tell Edward at once. I don’t want to see him. I don’t suppose he’s been
-talking to any one—it’s not exactly likely—but if he has the matter’s
-out of my hands. I’ll not touch it. If he hasn’t, and you’ll all hold
-your tongues, I’ll do it.”
-
-He turned to the door and Mary cried: “Won’t you write it now? Won’t you
-sign it before you go?”
-
-David laughed grimly.
-
-“Do you think I go about with my pockets full of death certificates?” he
-said. Then he was gone, and the door shut to behind him.
-
-Elizabeth moved, and spoke.
-
-“I will tell Markham that you are ready to go home,” she said.
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER V
- TOWN TALK
-
-
- As long as idle dogs will bark, and idle asses bray,
- As long as hens will cackle over every egg they lay,
- So long will folks be chattering,
- And idle tongues be clattering,
- For the less there is to talk about, the more there is to say.
-
-The obituary notices of old Mr. Mottisfont which appeared in due course
-in the two local papers were of a glowingly appreciative nature, and at
-least as accurate as such notices usually are. David could not help
-thinking how much the old gentleman would have relished the fine phrases
-and the flowing periods. Sixty years of hard work were compressed into
-two and a half columns of palpitating journalese. David preferred the
-old man’s own version, which had fewer adjectives and a great deal more
-backbone.
-
-“My father left me nothing but debts—and William. The ironworks were in
-a bad way, and we were on the edge of a bankruptcy. I was twenty-one,
-and William was fifteen, and every one shook their heads. I can see ’em
-now. Well, I gave some folk the rough side of my tongue, and some the
-smooth. I had to have money, and no one would lend. I got a little
-credit, but I couldn’t get the cash. Then I hunted up my father’s
-cousin, Edward Moberly. Rolling he was, and as close as wax. Bored to
-death too, for all his money. I talked to him, and he took to me. I
-talked to him for three days, and he lent me what I wanted, on my note
-of hand, and I paid it all back in five years, and the interest
-up-to-date right along. It took some doing but I got it done. Then the
-thing got a go on it, and we climbed right up. And folks stopped shaking
-their heads. I began to make my mark. I began to be a ‘respected
-fellow-citizen.’ Oh, Lord, David, if you’d known William you’d respect
-me too! Talk about the debts—as a handicap, they weren’t worth
-mentioning in the same breath with William. I could talk people into
-believing I was solvent, but I couldn’t talk ’em into believing that
-William had any business capacity. And I couldn’t pay off William, same
-as I paid off the debts.”
-
-David’s recollections plunged him suddenly into a gulf of black
-depression. Such a plucky old man, and now he was dead—out of the
-way—and he, David, had lent a hand to cover the matter over, and shield
-the murderer. David took the black fit to bed with him at night, and
-rose in the morning with the gloom upon him still. It became a shadow
-which went with him in all his ways, and clung about his every thought.
-And with the gloom there came upon him a horrible, haunting recurrence
-of his old passion for Mary. The wound made by her rejection of him had
-been slowly skinning over, but in the scene which they had shared, and
-the stress of the emotions raised by it, this wound had broken out
-afresh, and now it was no more a deep clean cut, but a festering thing
-that bid fair to poison all the springs of life. At Mary’s bidding he
-had violated a trust, and his own sense of honour. There were times when
-he hated Mary. There were times when he craved for her. And always his
-contempt for himself deepened, and with it the gloom—the black gloom.
-
-“The doctor gets through a sight of whisky these days,” remarked Mrs.
-Havergill, David’s housekeeper. “And a more abstemious gentleman, I’m
-sure I never did live with. Weeks a bottle of whisky ’ud last, unless
-he’d friends in. And now—gone like a flash, as you might say. Only, just
-you mind there’s not a word of this goes out of the ’ouse, Sarah, my
-girl. D’ ye hear?”
-
-Sarah, a whey-faced girl whose arms and legs were set on at uncertain
-angles, only nodded. She adored David with the unreasoning affection of
-a dog, and had he taken to washing in whisky instead of merely drinking
-it, she would have regarded his doing so as quite a right and proper
-thing.
-
-When the local papers had finished Mr. Mottisfont’s obituary notices and
-had lavished all their remaining stock of adjectives upon the funeral
-arrangements, they proceeded to interest themselves in the terms of his
-will. For once, old Mr. Mottisfont had done very much what was expected
-of him. Local charities benefited and old servants were remembered.
-Elizabeth Chantrey was left twenty-five thousand pounds, and everything
-else went to Edward. “To David Blake I leave my sincere respect, he
-having declined to receive a legacy.”
-
-David could almost see the old man grin as he wrote the words, could
-almost hear him chuckle, “Very well, my highfalutin young man—into the
-pillory with you.”
-
-The situation held a touch of sardonic humour beyond old Mr.
-Mottisfont’s contriving, and the iron of it rusted into David’s soul.
-Market Harford discussed the terms of the will with great interest. They
-began to speculate as to what Elizabeth Chantrey would do. When it
-transpired that she was going to remain on in the old house and be
-joined there by Edward and Mary, there was quite a little buzz of talk.
-
-“I assure you he made it a condition—a _secret_ condition,” said old
-Mrs. Codrington in her deep booming voice. “I have it from Mary herself.
-He made it a condition.”
-
-It was quite impossible to disbelieve a statement made with so much
-authority. Mrs. Codrington’s voice always stood her in good stead. It
-had a solidity which served to prop up any shaky fact. Miss Dobell, to
-whom she was speaking, sniffed, and felt a little out of it. She had
-been Agatha Mottisfont’s great friend, and as such she felt that she
-herself should have been the fountainhead of information. As soon as
-Mrs. Codrington had departed Miss Hester Dobell put on her outdoor
-things and went to call upon Mary Mottisfont.
-
-As it was a damp afternoon, she pinned up her skirts all round, and she
-was still unpinning them upon Mary’s doorstep, when the door opened.
-
-“Miss Chantrey is with her sister? Oh, indeed! That is very nice, very
-nice indeed. And Mrs. Mottisfont is seeing visitors, you say? Yes? Then
-I will just walk in—just walk in.”
-
-Miss Dobell came into the drawing-room with a little fluttered run. Her
-faded blue eyes were moist, but not so moist as to prevent her
-perceiving that Mary wore a black dress which did not become her, and
-that Elizabeth had on an old grey coat and skirt, with dark furs, and a
-close felt hat which almost hid her hair. She greeted Mary very
-affectionately and Elizabeth a shade less affectionately.
-
-“I hope you are well, Mary, my dear? Yes? That is good. These sad times
-are very trying. And you, Elizabeth? I am pleased to find that you are
-able to be out. I feared you were indisposed. Every one was saying,
-‘Miss Chantrey must be indisposed, as she was not at the funeral.’ And I
-feared it was the case.”
-
-“No, thank you, I am quite well,” said Elizabeth.
-
-Miss Dobell seated herself, smoothing down her skirt. It was of a very
-bright blue, and she wore with it a little fawn-coloured jacket adorned
-with a black and white braid, which was arranged upon it in loops and
-spirals. She had on also a blue tie, fastened in a bow at her throat,
-and an extremely oddly-shaped hat, from one side of which depended a
-somewhat battered bunch of purple grapes. Beneath this rather
-bacchanalian headgear her old, mild, straw-coloured face had all the
-effect of an anachronism.
-
-“I am so glad to find you both. I am so glad to have the opportunity of
-explaining how it was that I did not attend the funeral. It was a great
-disappointment. Everything so impressive, by all accounts. Yes. But I
-could not have attended without proper mourning. No. Oh, no, it would
-have been impossible. Even though I was aware that poor dear Mr.
-Mottisfont entertained very singular ideas upon the subject of mourning,
-I know how much they grieved poor dear Agatha. They were very singular.
-I suppose, my dear Elizabeth, that it is in deference to poor Mr.
-Mottisfont’s wishes that you do not wear black. I said to every one at
-once—oh, at _once_—‘depend upon it poor Mr. Mottisfont must have
-expressed a _wish_. Otherwise Miss Chantrey would certainly wear
-mourning—oh, certainly. After living so long in the house, and being
-like a daughter to him, it would be only proper, only right and proper.’
-That is what I said, and I am sure I was right. It was his wish, was it
-not?”
-
-“He did not like to see people in black,” said Elizabeth.
-
-“No,” said Miss Dobell in a flustered little voice. “Very strange, is it
-not? But then so many of poor Mr. Mottisfont’s ideas were very strange.
-I cannot help remembering how they used to grieve poor dear Agatha. And
-his views—so sad—so very sad. But there, we must not speak of them now
-that he is dead. No. Doubtless he knows better now. Oh, yes, we must
-hope so. I do not know what made me speak of it. I should not have done
-so. No, not now that he is dead! It was not right, or charitable. But I
-really only intended to explain how it came about that I was not at the
-funeral. It was a great deprivation—a very great deprivation, but I was
-there in spirit—oh, yes, in spirit.”
-
-The purple grapes nodded a little in sympathy with Miss Dobell’s nervous
-agitation. She put up a little hand, clothed in a brown woollen glove,
-and steadied them.
-
-“I often think,” she said, “that I should do well to purchase one black
-garment for such occasions as these. Now I should hardly have liked to
-come here to-day, dressed in colours, had I not been aware of poor dear
-Mr. Mottisfont’s views. It is awkward. Yes, oh, yes. But you see, my
-dear Mary, in my youth, being one of a very large family, we were so
-continually in mourning that I really hardly ever possessed any garment
-of a coloured nature. When I was only six years old I can remember that
-we were in mourning for my grandfather. In those days, my dears, little
-girls, wore, well, they wore—little—hem—white trousers, quite long, you
-know, reaching in fact to the ankle. Under a black frock it had quite a
-garish appearance. And my dear mother, who was very particular about all
-family observances, used to stitch black crape bands upon the
-trouser-legs. It was quite a work. Oh, yes, I assure you. Then after my
-grandfather, there was my great-uncle George, and on the other side of
-the family my great-aunt Eliza. And then there were my uncles, and two
-aunts, and quite a number of cousins. And, later on, my own dear
-brothers and sisters. So that, as you may say, we were never out of
-black at all, for our means were such that it was necessary to wear out
-one garment before another could be purchased. And I became a little
-weary of wearing black, my dears. So when my last dear sister died, I
-went into colours. Not at once, oh, no!”—Miss Dobell became very much
-shocked and agitated at the sound of her own words. “Oh, dear, no. Not,
-of course, until after a full and proper period of mourning, but when
-that was over I went into colours, and have never since possessed
-anything black. You see, as I have no more relations, it is unnecessary
-that I should be provided with mourning.”
-
-Elizabeth Chantrey left her sister’s house in rather a saddened mood.
-She wondered if she too would ever be left derelict. Unmarried women
-were often very lonely. Life went past them down other channels. They
-missed their link with the generations to come, and as the new life
-sprang up it knew them not, and they had neither part nor lot in it.
-When she reached home she sat for a long while very still, forcing her
-consciousness into a realisation of Life as a thing unbroken, one,
-eternal. The peace of it came upon her, and the sadness passed.
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER VI
- THE LETTER
-
-
- Oh, you shall walk in the mummers’ train,
- And dance for a beggar’s boon,
- And wear as mad a motley
- As any under the moon,
- And you shall pay the piper—
- But I will call the tune.
-
-Old Mr. Mottisfont had been dead for about a fortnight when the letter
-arrived. David Blake found it upon his breakfast table when he came
-downstairs. It was a Friday morning, and there was an east wind blowing.
-David came into the dining-room wishing that there were no such thing as
-breakfast, and there, propped up in front of his plate, was the letter.
-He stared at it, and stared again. A series of sleepless or hag-ridden
-nights are not the best preparation for a letter written in a dead man’s
-hand and sealed with a dead man’s seal. If David’s hand was steady when
-he picked up the letter it was because his will kept it steady, and for
-no other reason. As he held it in his hand, Mrs. Havergill came bustling
-in with toast and coffee. David passed her, went into his consulting
-room and shut the door.
-
-“First he went red and then he went white,” she told Sarah, “and he
-pushed past me as if I were a stock, or a post, or something of that
-sort. I ’ope he ’asn’t caught one of them nasty fevers, down in some
-slum. ’Tisn’t natural for a man to turn colour that way. There was only
-one young man ever I knew as did it, William Jones his name was, and he
-was the sexton’s son down at Dunnington. And he’d do it. Red one minute
-and white the next, and then red again. And he went off in a galloping
-decline, and broke his poor mother’s heart. And there’s their two graves
-side by side in Dunnington Churchyard. Mr. Jones, he dug the graves
-hisself, and never rightly held his head up after.”
-
-David Blake sat down at his table and spread out old Mr. Mottisfont’s
-letter upon the desk in front of him. It was a long letter, written in a
-clear, pointed handwriting, which was characteristic and unmistakable.
-
- “My dear David,”—wrote old Mr. Mottisfont,—“My dear David, I have just
- written a letter to Edward—a blameless and beautiful letter—in which I
- have announced my immediate, or, as one might say, approximate
- intention of committing suicide by the simple expedient of first
- putting arsenic into a cup of tea and then drinking the tea. I shall
- send Edward for the tea, and I shall put the arsenic into it, under
- his very nose. And Edward will be thinking of beetles, and will not
- see me do it. I am prepared to bet my bottom dollar that he does not
- see me do it. Edward’s letter, of which I enclose a copy, is the sort
- of letter which one shows to coroners, and jurymen, and legal
- advisers. Of course things may not have gone as far as that, but, on
- the other hand, they may. There are evil-minded persons who may have
- suspected Edward of having hastened my departure to a better world.
- You may even have suspected him yourself, in which case, of course, my
- dear David, this letter will be affording you a good deal of
- pleasurable relief.” David clenched his hand and read on. “Edward’s
- letter is for the coroner. It should arrive about a fortnight after my
- death, if my valued correspondent, William Giles, of New York, does as
- I have asked him. This letter is for you. Between ourselves, then, it
- was that possible three years of yours that decided me. I couldn’t
- stand it. I don’t believe in another world, and I’m damned if I’ll put
- in three years’ hell in this one. Do you remember old Madden? I do,
- and I’m not going to hang on like that, not to please any one, nor I’m
- not going to be cut up in sections either. So now you know all about
- it. I’ve just sent Edward for the tea. Poor Edward, it will hurt his
- feelings very much to be suspected of polishing me off. By the way,
- David, as a sort of last word—you’re no end of a damn fool—why don’t
- you marry the right woman instead of wasting your time hankering after
- the wrong one? That’s all. Here’s luck.
-
- “Yours.
- “E. M. M.”
-
-David read the letter straight through without any change of expression.
-When he came to the end he folded the sheets neatly, put them back in
-the envelope, and locked the envelope away in a drawer. Then his face
-changed suddenly. First, a great rush of colour came into it, and then
-every feature altered under an access of blind and ungovernable anger.
-He pushed back his chair and sprang up, but the impetus which had
-carried him to his feet appeared to receive some extraordinary check.
-His movement had been a very violent one, but all at once it passed into
-rigidity. He stood with every muscle tense, and made neither sound nor
-movement. Slowly the colour died out of his face. Then he took a step
-backwards and dropped again into the chair. His eyes were fixed upon the
-strip of carpet which lay between him and the writing-table. A small,
-twisted scrap of paper was lying there. David Blake looked hard at the
-paper, but he did not see it. What he saw was another torn and twisted
-thing.
-
-A man’s professional honour is a very delicate thing. David had never
-held his lightly. If he had violated it, he had done so because there
-were great things in the balance. Mary’s happiness, Mary’s future,
-Mary’s life. He had betrayed a trust because Mary asked it of him and
-because there was so much in the balance. And it had all been illusion.
-There had been no risk—no danger. Nothing but an old man’s last and
-cruelest jest. And he, David, had been the old man’s dupe. A furious
-anger surged in him. For nothing, it was all for nothing. He had
-wrenched himself for nothing, forfeited his self-respect for nothing,
-sold his honour for nothing. Mary had bidden him, and he had done her
-bidding, and it was all for nothing. A little bleak sunlight came in at
-the window and showed the worn patches upon the carpet. David could
-remember that old brown carpet for as long as he could remember
-anything. It had been in his father’s consulting room. The writing-table
-had been there too. The room was full of memories of William Blake. Old
-familiar words and looks came back to David as he sat there. He
-remembered many little things, and, as he remembered, he despised
-himself very bitterly. As the moments passed, so his self-contempt grew,
-until it became unbearable. He rose, pushing his chair so that it fell
-over with a crash, and went into the dining-room.
-
-Half an hour later Sarah put her head round the corner of the door and
-announced, “Mr. Edward Mottisfont in the consulting room, sir.” David
-Blake was sitting at the round table with a decanter in front of him. He
-got up with a short laugh and went to Edward.
-
-Edward presented a ruffled but resigned appearance. He was agitated, but
-beneath the agitation there was plainly evident a trace of melancholy
-triumph.
-
-“I’ve had a letter,” he began. David stood facing him.
-
-“So have I,” he said.
-
-Edward’s wave of the hand dismissed as irrelevant all letters except his
-own. “But mine—mine was from my uncle,” he exclaimed.
-
-“Exactly. He was obliging enough to send me a copy.”
-
-“You—you know,” said Edward. Then he searched his pockets, and
-ultimately produced a folded letter.
-
-“You’ve had a letter like this? He’s told you? You know?”
-
-“That he’s played us the dirtiest trick on record? Yes, thanks, Edward,
-I’ve been enjoying the knowledge for the best part of an hour.”
-
-Edward shook his head.
-
-“Of course he was mad,” he said. “I have often wondered if he was quite
-responsible. He used to say such extraordinary things. If you remember,
-I asked you about it once, and you laughed at me. But now, of course,
-there is no doubt about it. His brain had become affected.”
-
-David’s lip twitched a little.
-
-“Mad? Oh, no, you needn’t flatter yourself, he wasn’t mad. I only hope
-my wits may last as well. He wasn’t mad, but he’s made the biggest fools
-of the lot of us—the biggest fools. Oh, Lord!—how he’d have laughed. He
-set the stage, and called the cast, and who so ready as we? First
-Murderer—Edward Mottisfont; Chief Mourner—Mary, his wife; and Tom Fool,
-beyond all other Tom Fools, David Blake, M.D. My Lord, he never said a
-truer word than when he wrote me down a damn fool!”
-
-David ended on a note of concentrated bitterness, and Edward stared at
-him.
-
-“I would much rather believe he was out of his mind,” he said
-uncomfortably. “And he is dead—after all, he’s dead.”
-
-“Yes,” said David grimly, “he’s dead.”
-
-“And thanks to you,” continued Edward, “there has been no scandal—or
-publicity. It would really have been dreadful if it had all come out.
-Most—most unpleasant. I know you didn’t wish me to say anything.”
-
-Edward began to rumple his hair wildly. “Mary told me, and of course I
-know it’s beastly to be thanked, and all that, but I can’t help saying
-that—in fact—I _am_ awfully grateful. And I’m awfully thankful that the
-matter has been cleared up so satisfactorily. If we hadn’t got this
-letter, well—I don’t like to say such a thing—but any one of us might
-have come to suspect the other. It doesn’t sound quite right to say it,”
-pursued Edward apologetically, “but it might have happened. You might
-have suspected me—oh, I don’t mean really—I am only supposing, you
-know—or I might have suspected you. And now it’s all cleared up, and no
-harm done, and as to my poor old uncle, he was mad. People who commit
-suicide are always mad. Every one knows that.”
-
-“Oh, have it your own way,” said David Blake. “He was mad, and now
-everything is comfortably arranged, and we can all settle down with
-nothing on our minds, and live happily ever after.”
-
-There was a savage sarcasm in his voice, which he did not trouble to
-conceal.
-
-“And now, look here,” he went on with a sudden change of manner. He
-straightened himself and looked squarely at Edward Mottisfont. “Those
-letters have got to be kept.”
-
-“Now I should have thought—” began Edward, but David broke in almost
-violently.
-
-“For Heaven’s sake, don’t start thinking, Edward.” He said: “Just you
-listen to me. These letters have got to be kept. They’ve got to sit in a
-safe at a lawyer’s. We’ll seal ’em up in the presence of witnesses, and
-send ’em off. We’re not out of the wood yet. If this business were ever
-to leak out—and, after all, there are four of us in it, and two of them
-are women—if it were ever to leak out, we should want these letters to
-save our necks. Yes—our necks. Good Lord, Edward, did you never realise
-your position? Did you never realise that any jury in the world would
-have hanged you on the evidence? It was damning—absolutely damning. And
-I come in as accessory after the fact. No, thank you, I think we’ll keep
-the letters, until we’re past hanging. And there’s another thing—how
-many people have you told? Mary, of course?”
-
-“Yes, Mary, but no one else,” said Edward.
-
-David made an impatient movement.
-
-“If you’ve told her, you’ve told her,” he said. “Now what you’ve got to
-do is this: you’ve got to rub it into Mary that it’s just as important
-for her to hold her tongue now as it was before the letter came. She was
-safe as long as she thought your neck was in danger, but do, for
-Heaven’s sake, get it into her head that I’m dead damned broke, if it
-ever gets out that I helped to hush up a case that looked like murder
-and turned out to be suicide. The law wouldn’t hang me, but I should
-probably hang myself. I’d be _broke_. Rub that in.”
-
-“She may have told Elizabeth,” said Edward hesitatingly. “I’m afraid she
-may have told Elizabeth by now.”
-
-“Elizabeth doesn’t talk,” said David shortly.
-
-“Nor does Mary.” Edward’s tone was rather aggrieved.
-
-“Oh, no woman ever talks,” said David.
-
-He laughed harshly, and Edward went away with his feelings of gratitude
-a little chilled, and a faint suspicion in his mind that David had been
-drinking.
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER VII
- ELIZABETH CHANTREY
-
-
- Whatever ways we walk in and whatever dreams come true,
- You still shall say, “God speed” to me, and I, “God go with you.”
-
-Some days later Elizabeth Chantrey went away for about a month, to pay a
-few long-promised visits. She went first to an old school-friend, then
-to some relations, and lastly to the Mainwarings. Agneta Mainwaring had
-moved to town after her mother’s death, and was sharing a small flat
-with her brother Louis, in a very fashionable quarter. She had been
-engaged for about six months to Douglas Strange, and was expecting to
-marry him as soon as he returned from his latest, and most hazardous
-journey across Equatorial Africa.
-
-“I thought you were never coming,” said Agneta, as they sat in the
-firelight, Louis on the farther side of the room, close to the lamp,
-with his head buried in a book.
-
-“Never, never, _never_!” repeated Agneta, stroking the tail of
-Elizabeth’s white gown affectionately and nodding at every word. She was
-sitting on the curly black hearth-rug, a small vivid creature in a
-crimson dress. Agneta Mainwaring was little and dark, passionate,
-earnest, and frivolous. A creature of variable moods and intense
-affections, steadfast only where she loved. Elizabeth was watching the
-firelight upon the big square sapphire ring which she always wore. She
-looked up from it now and smiled at Agneta, just a smile of the eyes.
-
-“Well, I am here,” she said, and Agneta went on stroking, and exclaimed:
-
-“Oh, it’s so good to have you.”
-
-“The world not been going nicely?” said Elizabeth.
-
-Agneta frowned.
-
-“Oh, so, so. Really, Lizabeth, being engaged to an explorer is the
-_devil_. Sometimes I get a letter two days running, and sometimes I
-don’t get one for two months, and I’ve just been doing the two months’
-stretch.”
-
-“Then,” said Elizabeth, “you’ll soon be getting two letters together,
-Neta.”
-
-“Oh, well, I did get one this morning, or I shouldn’t be talking about
-it,” Agneta flushed and laughed, then frowned again. Three little
-wrinkles appeared upon her nose. “What worries me is that I am such a
-hopeless materialist about letters. Letters are rank materialism. Rank.
-Two people as much in touch with one another as Douglas and I oughtn’t
-to need letters. I’ve no business to be dependent on them. We ought to
-be able to reach one another without them. Of course we do—_really_—but
-we ought to know that we are doing it. We ought to be conscious of it.
-I’ve no business to be dependent on wretched bits of paper, and
-miserable penfuls of ink. I ought to be able to do without them. And I’m
-a blatant materialist. I can’t.”
-
-Elizabeth laughed a little.
-
-“I shouldn’t worry, if I were you. It’ll all come. You’ll get past
-letters when you’re ready to get past them. I don’t think your
-materialism is of a very heavy order. It will go away if you don’t fuss
-over it. We’ll all get past letters in time.”
-
-Agneta tossed her head.
-
-“Oh, I don’t suppose there’ll be any letters in heaven,” she said. “I’m
-sure I trust not. My idea is that we shall sit on nice comfy clouds, and
-play at telephones with thought-waves.”
-
-Louis shut his book with a bang.
-
-“Really, Agneta, if that isn’t materialism.” He came over and sat down
-on the hearth-rug beside his sister. They were not at all alike. Where
-Agneta was small, Louis was large. Her hair and eyes were black, and his
-of a dark reddish-brown.
-
-“I didn’t know you were listening,” she said.
-
-“Well, I wasn’t. I just heard, and I give you fair warning, Agneta, that
-if there are going to be telephones in your heaven, I’m going somewhere
-else. I shall have had enough of them here. Hear the bells, the silver
-bells, the tintinabulation that so musically swells. From the bells,
-bells, bells, bells—bells, bells, bells.”
-
-Agneta first pulled Louis’s hair, and then put her fingers in her ears.
-
-“Stop! stop this minute! Oh, Louis, please. Oh, Lizabeth, make him stop.
-That thing always drives me perfectly crazy, and he knows it.”
-
-“All right. It’s done. I’ve finished. I’m much more merciful than Poe. I
-only wanted to point out that if that was your idea of heaven, it wasn’t
-mine.”
-
-“Oh, good gracious!” cried Agneta suddenly. She sprang up and darted to
-the door.
-
-“What’s the matter?”
-
-“I’ve absolutely and entirely forgotten to order any food for to-morrow.
-Any food whatever. All right, Louis, you won’t laugh when you have to
-lunch on bread and water, and Lizabeth takes the afternoon train back to
-her horrible Harford place, because we have starved her.”
-
-Louis gave a resigned sigh and leaned comfortably back against an empty
-chair. For some moments he gazed dreamily at Elizabeth. Then he said:
-“How nicely your hair shines. I like you all white and gold like that.
-If Browning had known you he needn’t have written. ‘What’s become of all
-the gold, used to hang and brush their bosoms.’ You’ve got your share.”
-
-“But my hair isn’t golden at all, Louis,” said Elizabeth.
-
-Louis frowned.
-
-“Yes, it is,” he said, “it’s gold without the dross—gold spiritualised.
-And you ought to know better than to pretend. You know as well as I do
-that your hair is a thing of beauty. The real joy for ever sort. It’s no
-credit to you. You didn’t make it. And you ought to be properly grateful
-for being allowed to walk about with a real live halo. Why should you
-pretend? If it wasn’t pretence, you wouldn’t take so much trouble about
-doing it. You’d just twist it up on a single hairpin.”
-
-“It wouldn’t stay up,” said Elizabeth.
-
-“I wish it wouldn’t. Oh, Lizabeth, won’t you let it down just for once?”
-
-“No, I won’t,” said Elizabeth, with pleasant firmness.
-
-Louis fell into a gloom. His brown eyes darkened.
-
-“I don’t see why,” he said; and Elizabeth laughed at him.
-
-“Oh, Louis, will you ever grow up?”
-
-Louis assumed an air of dignity. “My last book,” he said, “was not only
-very well reviewed by competent and appreciative persons, but I would
-have you to know that it also brought me in quite a large and solid
-cheque. And my poems have had what is known as a _succès d’estime_,
-which means that you and your publisher lose money, but the critics say
-nice things. These facts, my dear madam, all point to my having emerged
-from the nursery.”
-
-“Go on emerging, Louis,” said Elizabeth, with a little nod of
-encouragement. Louis appeared to be plunged in thought. He frowned, made
-calculations upon his fingers, and finally inquired:
-
-“How many times have I proposed to you, Lizabeth?”
-
-Elizabeth looked at him with amusement.
-
-“I really never counted. Do you want me to?”
-
-“No. I think I’ve got it right. I think it must be eight times, because
-I know I began when I was twenty, and I don’t think I’ve missed a year
-since. This,” said Louis, getting on to his knees and coming nearer,
-“this will be number nine.”
-
-“Oh, Louis, don’t,” said Elizabeth.
-
-“And why not?”
-
-“Because it really isn’t kind. Do you want me to go away to-morrow? If
-you propose to me, and I refuse you, every possible rule of propriety
-demands that I should immediately return to Market Harford. And I don’t
-want to.” Louis hesitated.
-
-“How long are you staying?”
-
-“Nice, hospitable young man. Agneta has asked me to stay for a
-fortnight.”
-
-“All right.” Louis sat back upon his heels. “Let’s talk about books.
-Have you read Pender’s last? It’s a wonder—just a wonder.”
-
- * * * * * * * *
-
-Elizabeth enjoyed her fortnight’s stay very much. She was glad to be
-away from Market Harford, and she was glad to be with Agneta and Louis.
-She saw one or two good plays, had a great deal of talk of the kind she
-had been starving for, and met a good many people who were doing
-interesting things. On the last day of her visit Agneta said:
-
-“So you go back to Market Harford for a year. Is it because Mr.
-Mottisfont asked you to?”
-
-“Partly.”
-
-There was a little pause.
-
-“What are you going to do with your life, Lizabeth?”
-
-Elizabeth looked steadily at the blue of her ring. Her eyes were very
-deep.
-
-“I don’t know, Neta. I’m waiting to be told.”
-
-Agneta nodded, and looked understanding. “And if you aren’t told?”
-
-“I think I shall be.”
-
-“But if not?”
-
-“Well, that would be a telling in itself. If nothing happens before the
-year is up, I shall come up to London, and find some work. There’s
-plenty.”
-
-“Yes,” said Agneta. She put her little pointed chin in her hands and
-gazed at Elizabeth. There was something almost fierce in her eyes. She
-knew very little about David Blake, but she guessed a good deal more.
-And there were moments when it would have given her a great deal of
-pleasure to have spoken her mind on the subject.
-
-They sat for a little while in silence, and then Louis came in, and
-wandered about the room until Agneta exclaimed at him:
-
-“Do, for goodness’ sake, sit down, Louis! You give me the fidgets.”
-
-Louis drifted over to the hearth. “Have you ordered any meals,” he said,
-with apparent irrelevance.
-
-“Tea, dinner, breakfast, lunch, tea, and dinner again.” Agneta’s tone
-was vicious. “Is that enough for you?”
-
-“Very well, then, run away and write a letter to Douglas. I believe you
-are neglecting him, and there’s a nice fire in the dining-room.”
-
-Agneta rose with outraged dignity. “I don’t write my love-letters to
-order, thank you,” she said “and you needn’t worry about Douglas. If you
-want me to go away, I don’t mind taking a book into the dining-room.
-Though, if you’ll take my advice—but you won’t—so I’ll just leave you to
-find out for yourself.”
-
-Louis shut the door after her, and came back to Elizabeth.
-
-“Number nine,” he observed.
-
-“No, Louis, don’t.”
-
-“I’m going to. You are in for it, Lizabeth. Your visit is over, so you
-can’t accuse me of spoiling it. Number nine, and a fortnight overdue.
-Here goes. For the ninth time of asking, will you marry me?”
-
-Elizabeth shook her head at him.
-
-“No, Louis, I won’t,” she said.
-
-Louis looked at her steadily.
-
-“This is the ninth time I have asked you. How many times have you taken
-me seriously, Lizabeth? Not once.”
-
-“I should have been so very sorry to take you seriously, you see, Louis
-dear,” said Elizabeth, speaking very sweetly and gently.
-
-Louis Mainwaring walked to the window and stood there in silence for a
-minute or two. Elizabeth began to look troubled. When he turned round
-and came back his face was rather white.
-
-“No,” he said, “you’ve never taken me seriously—never once. But it’s
-been serious enough, for me. You never thought it went deep—but it did.
-Some people hide their deep things under silence—every one can
-understand that. Others hide theirs under words—a great many light
-words. Jests. That’s been my way. It’s a better mask than the other, but
-I don’t want any mask between us now. I want you to understand. We’ve
-always talked about my being in love with you. We’ve always laughed
-about it, but now I want you to understand. It’s me, the whole of me—all
-there is—all there ever will be——”
-
-He was stammering now and almost incoherent. His hand shook. Elizabeth
-got up quickly.
-
-“Oh, Louis dear, Louis dear,” she said. She put her arm half round him,
-and for a moment he leaned his head against her shoulder. When he raised
-it he was trying to smile.
-
-“Oh, Lady of Consolation,” he said, and then, “how you would spoil a man
-whom you loved! There, Lizabeth, you needn’t worry about it. You see,
-I’ve always known that you would never love me.”
-
-“Oh, Louis, but I love you very much, only not just like that.”
-
-“Yes, I know. I’ve always known it and I’ve always known that there was
-some one else whom you did love—just like that. What I’ve been waiting
-for is to see it making you happy. And it doesn’t make you happy. It
-never has. And, lately, there’s been something fresh—something that has
-hurt. You’ve been very unhappy. As soon as you came here I knew. What is
-it? Can’t you tell me?”
-
-Elizabeth sat down again, but she did not turn her eyes away.
-
-“No, Louis, I don’t think I can,” she said.
-
-Louis’s chin lifted.
-
-“Does Agneta know?” he asked with a quick flash of jealousy.
-
-“No, she doesn’t,” said Elizabeth, reprovingly. “And she has never
-asked.”
-
-Louis laughed.
-
-“That’s for my conscience, I suppose,” he said, “but I don’t mind. I can
-bear it a lot better if you haven’t told Agneta. And look here,
-Lizabeth, even if you never tell me a single word, I shall always know
-things about you—things that matter. I’ve always known when things went
-wrong with you, and I always shall.”
-
-It was obviously quite as an afterthought that he added:
-
-“Do you mind?”
-
-“No,” said Elizabeth, slowly, “I don’t think I mind. But don’t look too
-close, Louis dear—not just now. It’s kinder not to.”
-
-“All right,” said Louis.
-
-Then he came over and stood beside her. “Lizabeth, if there’s anything I
-can do—any sort or kind of thing—you’re to let me know. You will, won’t
-you? You’re the best thing in my world, and anything that I can do for
-you would be the best day’s work I ever did. If you’ll just clamp on to
-that we shall be all right.”
-
-Elizabeth looked up, but before she could speak, he bent down, kissed
-her hastily on the cheek, and went out of the room.
-
-Elizabeth put her face in her hands and cried.
-
-“I suppose Louis has been proposing to you again,” was Agneta’s rather
-cross comment. “Lizabeth, what on earth are you crying for?”
-
-“Oh, Neta, do you hate me?” said Elizabeth in a very tired voice.
-
-Agneta knelt down beside her, and began to pinch her arm.
-
-“I would if I could, but I can’t,” she observed viciously. “I’ve tried,
-of course, but I can’t do it by myself, and it’s not the sort of thing
-you can expect religion to be any help in. As if you didn’t know that
-Louis and I simply love your littlest finger-nail, and that we’d do
-anything for you, and that we think it an _honour_ to be your friends,
-and—oh, Lizabeth, if you don’t stop crying this very instant, I shall
-pour all the water out of that big flower-vase down the back of your
-neck!”
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER VIII
- EDWARD SINGS
-
-
- “What ails you, Andrew, my man’s son,
- That you should look so white,
- That you should neither eat by day,
- Nor take your rest by night?”
-
- “I have no rest when I would sleep,
- No peace when I would rise,
- Because of Janet’s yellow hair,
- Because of Janet’s eyes.”
-
-When Elizabeth Chantrey returned to Market Harford, she did so with
-quite a clear understanding of the difficulties that lay before her.
-Edward had spoken to her of his uncle’s wishes, and begged her to fulfil
-them by remaining on in the old house as his and Mary’s guest.
-Apparently it never occurred to him that the situation presented any
-difficulty, or that few women would find it agreeable to be guest where
-they had been mistress. Elizabeth was under no illusions. She knew that
-she was putting herself in an almost impossible position, but she had
-made up her mind to occupy that position for a year. She had given David
-Blake so much already, that a little more did not seem to matter.
-Another year, a little more pain, were all in the day’s work. She had
-given many years and had suffered much pain. Through the years, through
-the pain, there had been at the back of her mind the thought, “If he
-needed me, and I were not here.” Elizabeth had always known that some
-day he would need her—not love her—but need her. And for that she
-waited.
-
-Elizabeth returned to Market Harford on a fine November afternoon. The
-sun was shining, after two days’ rain, and Elizabeth walked up from the
-station, leaving her luggage to the carrier. It was quite a short walk,
-but she met so many acquaintances that she was some time reaching home.
-First, it was old Dr. Bull with his square face and fringe of stiff grey
-beard who waved his knobbly stick at her, and waddled across the road.
-He was a great friend of Elizabeth’s, and he greeted her warmly.
-
-“Now, now, Miss Elizabeth, so you’ve not quite deserted us, hey? Glad to
-be back, hey?”
-
-“Yes, very glad,” said Elizabeth, smiling.
-
-“And every one will be glad to see you, all your friends. Hey? I’m glad,
-Edward and Mary’ll be glad, and David—hey? David’s a friend of yours,
-isn’t he? Used to be, I know, in the old days. Prodigious allies you
-were. Always in each other’s pockets. Same books—same walks—same
-measles—” he laughed heartily, and then broke off. “David wants his
-friends,” he said, “for the matter of that, every one wants friends,
-hey? But you get David to come and see you, my dear. He won’t want much
-persuading, hey? Well, well, I won’t keep you. I mustn’t waste your
-time. Now that I’m idle, I forget that other people have business, hey?
-And I see Miss Dobell coming over to speak to you. Now, I wouldn’t waste
-her time for the world. Not for the world, my dear Miss Elizabeth.
-Good-day, good-day, good-day.”
-
-His eyes twinkled as he raised his hat, and he went off at an
-astonishing rate, as Miss Dobell picked her way across the road.
-
-“Such a fine man, Dr. Bull, I always think,” she remarked in her precise
-little way. Every word she uttered had the effect of being enclosed in a
-separate little water-tight compartment. “I really miss him, if I may
-say so. Oh, yes; and I am not the only one of his old patients who feels
-it a deprivation to have lost his services. Oh, no. Young men are so
-unreliable. They begin well, but they are unreliable. Oh, yes, sadly
-unreliable,” repeated Miss Dobell with emphasis.
-
-She and Elizabeth were crossing the bridge as she spoke. Away to the
-left, above the water, Elizabeth could see the sunlight reflected from
-the long line of windows which faced the river. The trees before them
-were almost leafless, and it was easy to distinguish one house from
-another. David Blake lived in the seventh house, and Miss Dobell was
-gazing very pointedly in that direction, and nodding her head.
-
-“I dislike gossip,” she said. “I set my face against gossip, my dear
-Elizabeth, I do not approve of it. I do not talk scandal nor permit it
-to be talked in my presence. But I am not blind, or deaf. Oh, no. We
-should be thankful when we have all our faculties, and mine are
-unimpaired, oh, yes, quite unimpaired, although I am not quite as young
-as you are.”
-
-“Yes?” said Elizabeth.
-
-Miss Dobell became rather flustered. “I have a little errand,” she said
-hurriedly. “A little errand, my dear Elizabeth. I will not keep you, oh,
-no, I must not keep you now. I shall see you later, I shall come and see
-you, but I will not detain you now. Oh, no, Mary will be waiting for
-you.”
-
-“So you have really come,” said Mary a little later.
-
-After kissing her sister warmly, she had allowed a slight air of offence
-to appear. “I had begun to think you had missed your train. I am afraid
-the tea will be rather strong, I had it made punctually, you see. I was
-beginning to think that you hadn’t been able to tear yourself away from
-Agneta after all.”
-
-“Now, Molly—” said Elizabeth, protestingly.
-
-But Mary was not to be turned aside. “Of course you would much rather
-have stayed, I know that. Will you have bread and butter or tea-cake?
-When Mr. Mottisfont died, I said to myself, ‘Now she’ll go and live with
-Agneta, and she might just as well be _dead_.’ That’s why I was quite
-pleased when Edward came and told me that Mr. Mottisfont had said you
-were to stay on here for a year. Of course, as I said to Edward, he had
-no right to make any such condition, and if it had been any one but you,
-I shouldn’t have liked it at all. That’s what I said to Edward—‘It
-really isn’t fair, but Elizabeth isn’t like other people. She won’t try
-and run the house over my head, and she won’t want to be always with
-us.’ You see, married people do like to have their evenings, but as I
-said to Edward, ‘Elizabeth would much rather be in her own little room,
-with a book, than sitting with us.’ And you would, wouldn’t you?”
-
-“Oh, yes,” said Elizabeth laughing.
-
-The spectacle of Mary being tactful always made her laugh.
-
-“Of course when any one comes in in the evening—that’s different. Of
-course you’ll join us then. But you’d rather be here as a rule, wouldn’t
-you?”
-
-“Oh, you know I love my little room. It was nice of you to have tea
-here, Molly,” said Elizabeth.
-
-“Yes, I thought you’d like it. And then I wanted the rest of the house
-to be a surprise to you. When we’ve had tea I want to show you
-everything. Of course your rooms haven’t been touched, you said you’d
-rather they weren’t; but everything else has been done up, and I really
-think it’s very nice. I’ve been quite excited over it.”
-
-“Give me a little more tea, Molly,” said Elizabeth.
-
-As she leaned forward with her cup in her hand, she asked casually:
-“Have you seen much of David lately?”
-
-“Oh, yes,” said Mary, “he’s here very often.” She pursed her lips a
-little. “I think David is a _very_ curious person, Liz. I don’t
-understand him at all. I think he is very difficult to understand.”
-
-“Is he, Molly?”
-
-Elizabeth looked at her sister with something between anxiety and
-amusement.
-
-“Yes, very. He’s quite changed, it seems to me. I could understand his
-being upset just after Mr. Mottisfont’s death. We were all upset then. I
-am sure I never felt so dreadful in my life. It made me quite ill. But
-afterwards,” Mary’s voice dropped to a lower tone, “afterwards when the
-letter had come, and everything was cleared up—well, you’d have thought
-he would have been all right again, wouldn’t you? And instead, he has
-just gone on getting more and more unlike himself. You know, he was so
-odd when Edward went to see him that, really,”—Mary hesitated—“Edward
-thought—well, he wondered whether David had been drinking.”
-
-“Nonsense, Molly!”
-
-“Oh, it’s not only Edward—everybody has noticed how changed he is. Have
-you got anything to eat, Liz? Have some of the iced cake; it’s from a
-recipe of Miss Dobell’s and it’s quite nice. What was I saying? Oh,
-about David—well, it’s true, Liz—Mrs. Havergill told Markham; now, Liz,
-what’s the sense of your looking at me like that? Of _course_ I
-shouldn’t _dream_ of talking to an ordinary servant, but considering
-Markham has known us since we were about two—Markham takes an interest,
-a real interest, and when Mrs. Havergill told her that she was afraid
-David was taking a great deal more than was good for him, and she wished
-his friends could stop it, why, Markham naturally told me. She felt it
-her duty. I expect she thought I might have an _influence_—as I hope I
-have. That’s why I encourage David to come here. I think it’s so good
-for him. I think it makes such a difference to young men if they have a
-nice home to come to, and it’s very good for them to see married people
-fond of each other, and happy together, like Edward and I are. Don’t you
-think so?”
-
-“I don’t know, Molly,” said Elizabeth. “Are people talking about David?”
-
-“Yes, they are. Of course I haven’t said a word, but people are noticing
-how different he is. I don’t see how they can help it, and yesterday
-when I was having tea with Mrs. Codrington, Miss Dobell began to hint
-all sorts of things, and there was quite a scene. You know how devoted
-Mrs. Codrington is! She really quite frightened poor little Miss Hester.
-I can tell you, I was glad that I hadn’t said anything. Mrs. Codrington
-always frightens me. She looks so large, and she speaks so loud. I was
-quite glad to get away.”
-
-“I like Mrs. Codrington,” said Elizabeth.
-
-“Oh, well, so do I. But I like her better when she’s not angry. Oh, by
-the way, Liz, talking of David, do you know that I met Katie Ellerton
-yesterday, and—how long is it since Dr. Ellerton died?”
-
-“More than two years.”
-
-“Well, she has gone quite out of mourning. You know how she went on at
-first—she was going to wear weeds always, and never change anything, and
-as to ever going into colours again, she couldn’t imagine how any one
-could do it! And I met her out yesterday in quite a bright blue coat and
-skirt. What do you think of that?”
-
-“Oh, Molly, you’ve been going out to too many tea-parties! Why shouldn’t
-poor Katie go out of mourning? I think it’s very sensible of her. I have
-always been so sorry for her.”
-
-Mary assumed an air of lofty virtue. “I _used_ to be. But now, I don’t
-approve of her at all. She’s just doing her very best to catch David
-Blake. Every one can see it. If that wretched little Ronnie has so much
-as a thorn in his finger, she sends for David. She’s making herself the
-laughing-stock of the place. I think it’s simply horrid. I don’t approve
-of second marriages at all. I never do see how any really nice-minded
-woman can marry again. And it’s not only the marrying, but to run after
-a man, like that—it’s quite dreadful! I am sure David would be most
-unhappy if he married her. It would be a dreadfully bad thing for him.”
-
-Elizabeth leaned back in her chair.
-
- “How sweet the hour that sets us free
- To sip our scandal, and our tea,”
-
-she observed.
-
-Mary coloured.
-
-“I never talk scandal,” she said in an offended voice, and Elizabeth
-refrained from telling her that Miss Dobell had made the same remark.
-
-All the time that Mary was showing her over the house, Elizabeth was
-wondering whether it would be such a dreadfully bad thing for David to
-marry Katie Ellerton. Ronnie was a dear little boy, and David loved
-children, and Katie—Katie was one of those gentle, clinging creatures
-whom men adore and spoil. If she cared for him, and he grew to care for
-her—Elizabeth turned the possibilities over and over in her mind,
-wondering——
-
-She wondered still more that evening, when David Blake came in after
-dinner. He had changed. Elizabeth looked at him and saw things in his
-face which she only half understood. He looked ill and tired, but both
-illness and weariness appeared to her to be incidental. Behind them
-there was something else, something much stronger and yet more subtle,
-some deflection of the man’s whole nature.
-
-Edward and Mary did not disturb themselves at David’s coming. They were
-at the piano, and Edward nodded casually, whilst Mary merely waved her
-hand and smiled.
-
-David said “How do you do?” to Elizabeth, and sat down by the fire. He
-was in evening dress, but somehow he looked out of place in Mary’s new
-white drawing-room. Edward had put in electric light all over the house,
-and here it shone through rosy shades. The room was all rose and
-white—roses on the chintz, a frieze of roses upon the walls, and a
-rose-coloured carpet on the floor. Only the two lamps over the piano
-were lighted. They shone on Mary. She was playing softly impassioned
-chords in support of Edward, who exercised a pleasant tenor voice upon
-the lays of Lord Henry Somerset. Mary played accompaniments with much
-sentiment. Occasionally, when the music was easy, she shot an adoring
-glance at Edward, a glance to which he duly responded, when not
-preoccupied with a note beyond his compass.
-
-Elizabeth was tolerant of lovers, and Mary’s little sentimentalities,
-like Mary’s airs of virtuous matronhood, were often quite amusing to
-watch; but to-night, with David Blake as a fourth person in the room,
-Elizabeth found amusement merging into irritation and irritation into
-pain. Except for that lighted circle about the piano, the room lay all
-in shadow. There was a soft dusk upon it, broken every now and then by
-gleams of firelight. David Blake sat back in his chair, and the dimness
-of the room hid his face, except when the fire blazed up and showed
-Elizabeth how changed it was. She had been away only a month, and he
-looked like a stranger. His attitude was that of a very weary man. His
-head rested on his hand, and he looked all the time at Mary in the rosy
-glow which bathed her. When she looked up at Edward, he saw the look,
-saw the light shine down into her dark eyes and sparkle there. Not a
-look, not a smile was lost, and whilst he watched Mary, Elizabeth
-watched him. Elizabeth was very glad of the dimness that shielded her.
-It was a relief to drop the mask of a friendly indifference, to be able
-to watch David with no thought except for him. Her heart yearned to him
-as never before. She divined in him a great hunger—a great pain. And
-this hunger, this pain, was hers. The longing to give, to assuage, to
-comfort, welled up in her with a suddenness and strength that were
-almost startling. Elizabeth took her thought in a strong hand, forcing
-it along accustomed channels from the plane where love may be thwarted,
-to that other plane, where love walks unashamed and undeterred, and
-gives her gifts, no man forbidding her. Elizabeth sat still, with folded
-hands. Her love went out to David, like one ripple in a boundless,
-golden sea, from which they drew their being, and in which they lived
-and moved. A sense of light and peace came down upon her.
-
-Edward’s voice was filling the room. It was quite a pleasant voice, and
-if it never varied into expression, at least it never went out of tune,
-and every word was distinct.
-
- “Ah, well, I know the sadness
- That tears and rends your heart,
- How that from all life’s gladness
- You stand far, far apart—”
-
-sang Edward, in tones of the most complete unconcern.
-
-It was Mary who supplied all the sentiment that could be wished for. She
-dwelt on the chords with an almost superfluous degree of feeling, and
-her eyes were quite moist.
-
-At any other time this combination of Edward and Lord Henry Somerset
-would have entertained Elizabeth not a little, but just now there was no
-room in her thoughts for any one but David. The light that was upon her
-gave her vision. She looked upon David with eyes that had grown very
-clear, and as she looked she understood. That he had changed,
-deteriorated, she had seen at the first glance. Now she discerned in him
-the cause of such an alteration—something wrenched and twisted. The
-scene in her little brown room rose vividly before her. When David had
-allowed Mary to sway him, he had parted with something, which he could
-not now recall. He had broken violently through his own code, and the
-broken thing was failing him at every turn. Mary’s eyes, Mary’s voice,
-Mary’s touch—these things had waked in him something beyond the old
-passion. The emotional strain of that scene had carried him beyond his
-self-control. A feverish craving was upon him, and his whole nature
-burned in the flame of it.
-
-Edward had passed to another song.
-
-“One more kiss from my darling one,” he sang in a slightly perfunctory
-manner. His voice was getting tired, and he seemed a little
-absent-minded for a lover who was about to plunge into Eternity. The
-manner in which he requested death to come speedily was a trifle
-unconvincing. As he began the next verse David made a sudden movement. A
-log of wood upon the fire had fallen sharply, and there was a quick
-upward rush of flame. David looked round, facing the glow, and as he did
-so his eyes met Elizabeth’s. Just for one infinitesimal moment something
-seemed to pass from her to him. It was one of those strange moments
-which are not moments of time at all, and are therefore not subject to
-time’s laws. Elizabeth Chantrey’s eyes were full of peace. Full, too, of
-a passionate gentleness. It was a gentleness which for an instant
-touched the sore places in David’s soul with healing, and for that one
-instant David had a glimpse of something very strong, very tender, that
-was his, and yet incomprehensibly withheld from his understanding. It
-was one of those instantaneous flashes of thought—one of those gleams of
-recognition which break upon the dulness of material sense. Before and
-after—darkness, the void, the unstarred night, a chaos of things
-forgotten. But for one dazzled instant, the lightning stab of Truth,
-unrealised.
-
-Elizabeth did not look away, or change colour. The peace was upon her
-still. She smiled a little, and as the moment passed, and the dark
-closed in again upon David’s mind, she saw a spark of rather savage
-humour come into his eyes.
-
-“Then come Eternity——”
-
-“No, that’s enough, Mary, I’m absolutely hoarse,” remarked Edward, all
-in the same breath, and with very much the same expression.
-
-Mary got up, and began to shut the piano. The light shone on her white,
-uncovered neck.
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER IX
- MARY IS SHOCKED
-
-
- Through fire and frost and snow
- I see you go,
- I see your feet that bleed,
- My heart bleeds too.
- I, who would give my very soul for you,
- What can I do?
- I cannot help your need.
-
-That first evening was one of many others, all on very much the same
-pattern. David Blake would come in, after tea, or after dinner, sit for
-an hour in almost total silence, and then go away again. Every time that
-he came, Elizabeth’s heart sank a little lower. This change, this
-obscuring of the man she loved, was an unreality, but how some
-unrealities have power to hurt us.
-
-December brought extra work to the Market Harford doctors. There was an
-epidemic of measles amongst the children, combined with one of influenza
-amongst their elders. David Blake stood the extra strain but ill. He was
-slipping steadily down the hill. His day’s work followed only too often
-upon a broken or sleepless night, and to get through what had to be
-done, or to secure some measure of sleep, he had recourse more and more
-frequently to stimulant. If no patient of his ever saw him the worse for
-drink, he was none the less constantly under its influence. If it did
-not intoxicate him, he came to rely upon its stimulus, and to distrust
-his unaided strength. He could no longer count upon his nerve, and the
-fear of all that nerve failure may involve haunted him continually and
-drove him down.
-
-“Look here, Blake, you want a change. Why don’t you go away?” said Tom
-Skeffington. It was a late January evening, and he had dropped in for a
-smoke and a chat. “The press of work is over now, and I could very well
-manage the lot for a fortnight or three weeks. Will you go?”
-
-“No, I won’t,” said David shortly.
-
-Young Skeffington paused. It was not much after six in the evening, and
-David’s face was flushed, his hand unsteady.
-
-“Look here, Blake,” he said, and then stopped, because David was staring
-at him out of eyes that had suddenly grown suspicious.
-
-“Well?” said David, still staring.
-
-“Well, I should go away if I were you—go to Switzerland, do some winter
-sports. Get a thorough change. Come back yourself again.”
-
-There was ever so slight an emphasis on the last few words, and David
-flashed into sudden anger.
-
-“Mind your own business, and be damned to you, Skeffington,” he cried.
-
-Tom Skeffington shrugged his shoulders.
-
-“Oh, certainly,” he said, and made haste to be gone.
-
-Blake in this mood was quite impracticable. He had no mind for a scene.
-
-David sat on, with a tumbler at his elbow. So they wanted him out of the
-way. That was the third person who had told him he needed a change—the
-third in one week. Edward was one, and old Dr. Bull, and now
-Skeffington. Yes, of course, Skeffington would like him out of the way,
-so as to get all the practice into his own hands. Edward too. Was it
-this morning, or yesterday morning, that Edward had asked him when he
-was going to take a holiday? Now he came to think of it, it was
-yesterday morning. And he supposed that Edward wanted him out of the way
-too. Perhaps he went too often to Edward’s house. David began to get
-angry. Edward was an ungrateful hound. “Damned ungrateful,” said David’s
-muddled brain. The idea of going to see Mary began to present itself to
-him. If Edward did not like it, Edward could lump it. He had been told
-to come whenever he liked. Very well, he liked now. Why shouldn’t he?
-
-He got up and went out into the cold. Then, when he was half-way up the
-High Street he remembered that Edward had gone away for a couple of
-days. It occurred to him as a very agreeable circumstance. Mary would be
-alone, and they would have a pleasant, friendly time together. Mary
-would sit in the rosy light and play to him, not to Edward, and sing in
-that small sweet voice of hers—not to Edward, but to him.
-
-It was a cold, crisp night, and the frosty air heightened the effect of
-the stimulant which he had taken. He had left his own house flushed,
-irritable, and warm, but he arrived at the Mottisfonts’ as unmistakably
-drunk as a man may be who is still upon his legs.
-
-He brushed past Markham in the hall before she had time to do more than
-notice that his manner was rather odd, and she called after him that
-Mrs. Mottisfont was in the drawing-room.
-
-David went up the stairs walking quite steadily, but his brain, under
-the influence of one idea, appeared to work in a manner entirely
-divorced from any volition of his.
-
-Mary was sitting before the fire, in the rosy glow of his imagining. She
-wore a dim purple gown, with a border of soft dark fur. A book lay upon
-her lap, but she was not reading. Her head, with its dark curls, rested
-against the rose-patterned chintz of the chair. Her skin was as white as
-a white rose leaf. Her lips as softly red as real red roses. A little
-amethyst heart hung low upon her bosom and caught the light. There was a
-bunch of violets at her waist. The room was sweet with them.
-
-Mary looked up half startled as David Blake came in. He shut the door
-behind him, with a push, and she was startled outright when she saw his
-face. He looked at her with glazed eyes, and smiled a meaningless and
-foolish smile.
-
-“Edward is out,” said Mary, “he is away.” And then she wished that she
-had said anything else. She looked at the bell, and wondered where
-Elizabeth was. Elizabeth had said something about going out—one of her
-sick people.
-
-“Yes—out,” said David, still smiling. “That’s why I’ve come. He’s
-out—Edward’s out—gone away. You’ll play to me—not to Edward—to-night.
-You’ll sit in this nice pink light and—play to me, won’t you—Mary dear?”
-The words slipped into one another, tripped, jostled, and came with a
-run.
-
-David advanced across the room, moving with caution, and putting each
-foot down slowly and carefully. His irritability had vanished. He felt
-instead a pleasant sense of warmth and satisfaction. He let himself sink
-into a chair and gazed at Mary.
-
-“Le’s sit down—and have nice long talk,” he said in an odd, thick voice;
-“we haven’t had—nice long talk—for months. Le’s talk now.”
-
-Mary began to tremble. Except in the streets, she had never seen a man
-drunk before, and even in the streets, passing by on the other side of
-the road, under safe protection, and with head averted, she had felt
-sick and terrified. What she felt now she hardly knew. She looked at the
-bell. She would have to pass quite close to David before she could reach
-it. Elizabeth—she might ring and ask if Elizabeth had come in. Yes, she
-might do that. She made a step forward, but as she reached to touch the
-bell, David leaned sideways, with a sudden heavy jerk, and caught her by
-the wrist.
-
-“What’s that for?” he asked.
-
-Suspicion roused in him again, and he frowned as he spoke. His face was
-very red, and his eyes looked black. Mary had cried out, when he caught
-her wrist. Now, as he continued to hold it, she stared at him in
-helpless silence. Then quite suddenly she burst into hysterical tears.
-
-“Let me go—oh, let me go! Go away, you’re not fit to be here! You’re
-drunk. Let me go at once! How dare you?”
-
-David continued to hold her wrist, not of any set purpose, but stupidly.
-He seemed to have forgotten to let it go. The heat and pressure of his
-hand, his slow vacant stare, terrified Mary out of all self-control. She
-tried to pull her hand away, and as David’s clasp tightened, and she
-felt her own helplessness, she screamed aloud, and almost as she did so
-the door opened sharply and Elizabeth Chantrey came into the room. She
-wore a long green coat, and dark furs, and her colour was bright and
-clear with exercise. For one startled second she stood just inside the
-room, with her hand upon the door. Then, as she made a step forward,
-David relaxed his grasp, and Mary, wrenching her hand away, ran sobbing
-to meet her sister.
-
-“Oh, Liz! Oh, Liz!” she cried.
-
-Elizabeth was cold to the very heart. David’s face—the heavy, animal
-look upon it—and Mary’s frightened pallor, the terror in her eyes. What
-had happened?
-
-She caught Mary by the arm.
-
-“What is it?”
-
-“He held me—he wouldn’t let me go. He caught my wrist when I was going
-to ring the bell, and held it. Make him go away, Liz.”
-
-Elizabeth drew a long breath of relief. She scarcely knew what she had
-feared, but she felt suddenly as if an intolerable weight had been
-lifted from her mind. The removal of this weight set her free to think
-and act.
-
-“Molly, hush! Do you hear me, hush! Pull yourself together! Do you know
-I heard you scream half-way up the stairs? Do you want the servants to
-hear too?”
-
-She spoke in low, rapid tones, and Mary caught her breath like a child.
-
-“But he’s tipsy, Liz. Oh, Liz, make him go away,” she whispered.
-
-David had got upon his feet. He was looking at the two women with a
-puzzled frown.
-
-“What’s the matter?” he said slowly, and Mary turned on him with a
-sudden spurt of temper.
-
-“I wonder you’re not ashamed,” she said in rather a trembling voice. “I
-do wonder you’re not—and will you please go away at once, or do you want
-the servants to come in, and every one to know how disgracefully you
-have behaved?”
-
-“Molly, hush!” said Elizabeth again.
-
-Her own colour died away, leaving her very pale. Her eyes were fixed on
-David with a look between pity and appeal. She left Mary and went to
-him.
-
-“David,” she said, putting her hand on his arm, “won’t you go home now?
-It’s getting late. It’s nearly dinner time, and I’m afraid we can’t ask
-you to stay to-night.”
-
-Something in her manner sobered David a little. Mary had screamed—why?
-What had he said to her—or done? She was angry. Why? Why did Elizabeth
-look at him like that? His mind was very much confused. Amid the
-confusion an idea presented itself to him. They thought that he was
-drunk. Well, he would show them, he would show them that he was not
-drunk. He stood for a moment endeavouring to bring the confusion of his
-brain into something like order. Then without a word he walked past
-Mary, and out of the room, walking quite steadily because a sober man
-walks steadily and he had to show them that he was sober.
-
-Mary stood by the door listening. “Liz,” she whispered, “he hasn’t gone
-down-stairs.” Her terror returned. “Oh, what is he doing? He has gone
-down the passage to Edward’s room. Oh, do you think he’s safe? Liz, ring
-the bell—do ring the bell.”
-
-Elizabeth shook her head. She came forward and put her hand on Mary’s
-shoulder.
-
-“No, Molly, it’s all right,” she said. She, too, listened, but Mary
-broke in on the silence with half a sob.
-
-“You don’t know how he frightened me. You don’t know how dreadful he
-was—like a great stupid animal. Oh, I don’t know how he dared to come to
-me like that. And my wrist aches still, it does, indeed. Oh! Liz, he’s
-coming back.”
-
-They heard his steps coming along the passage, heavy, deliberate steps.
-Mary moved quickly away from the door, but Elizabeth stood still, and
-David Blake touched her dress as he came back into the room and shut the
-door behind him. His hair was wet from a liberal application of cold
-water. His face was less flushed and his eyes had lost the vacant look.
-He was obviously making a very great effort, and as obviously Mary had
-no intention of responding to it. She stood and looked at him, and
-ceased to be afraid. This was not the stranger who had frightened her.
-This was David Blake again, the man whom she could play upon, and
-control. The fright in her eyes gave place to a dancing spark of anger.
-
-“I thought I asked you to go away,” she said, and David winced at the
-coldness of her voice.
-
-“Will you please go?”
-
-“Mary——”
-
-“If you want to apologise you can do so later—when you are _fit_,” said
-Mary, her brows arched over very scornful eyes.
-
-David was still making a great effort at self-control. He had turned
-quite white, and his eyes had rather a dazed look.
-
-“Mary, don’t,” he said, and there was so much pain in his voice that
-Elizabeth made a half step towards him, and then stopped, because it was
-not any comfort of hers that he desired.
-
-Mary’s temper was up, and she was not to be checked. She meant to have
-her say, and if it hurt David, why, so much the better. He had given her
-a most dreadful fright, and he deserved to be hurt. It would be very
-good for him. Anger reinforced by a high moral motive is indeed a potent
-weapon. Mary wielded it unmercifully.
-
-“Don’t—don’t,” she said. “Oh, of course not. You behave
-disgracefully—you take advantage of Edward’s being away—you come here
-drunk—and I’m not to say a word——”
-
-Her eyes sparkled, and her head was high. She gave a little angry laugh,
-and turned towards the bell.
-
-“Will you go, please, or must I ring for Markham?”
-
-At her movement, and the sound of her laughter, David’s self-control
-gave way, suddenly and completely. The blood rushed violently to his
-head. He took a long step towards her, and she stopped where she was in
-sheer terror.
-
-“You laugh,” he said, in a low tone of concentrated passion—“you
-laugh——”
-
-Then his voice leaped into fury. “I’ve sold my soul for you, and you
-laugh. I’m in hell for you, and you laugh. I’m drunk, and you laugh. My
-God, for that at least you shall never laugh at me again. By God, you
-shan’t——”
-
-He stood over her for a moment, looking down on her with terrible eyes.
-Then he turned and went stumbling to the door, and so out, and, in the
-dead silence that followed, they heard the heavy front door swing to
-behind him.
-
-Mary was clinging to a chair.
-
-“Oh, Liz,” she whispered faintly, but Elizabeth turned and went out of
-the room without a single word.
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER X
- EDWARD IS PUT OUT
-
-
- That which the frost can freeze,
- That which is burned of the fire,
- Cast it down, it is nothing worth
- In the ways of the Heart’s Desire.
-
- Foot or hand that offends,
- Eye that shrinks from the goal,
- Cast them forth, they are nothing worth,
- And fare with the naked soul.
-
-Mary did not tell Edward about the scene with David Blake.
-
-“You know, Liz, he behaved shamefully, but I don’t want there to be a
-quarrel with Edward, and it would be sure to make a quarrel. And then
-people would talk, and there’s no knowing what they would say. I think
-it would be perfectly dreadful to be talked about. I’m sure I can’t
-think how Katie Ellerton can stand it. Really, every one is talking
-about her.”
-
-In her heart of hearts Mary was a little flattered at David’s last
-outburst. She would not for the world have admitted that this was the
-case, but it certainly contributed to her resolution not to tell Edward.
-
-“I suppose some people would never forgive him,” she said to Elizabeth,
-“but I don’t think that’s right, do you? I don’t think it’s at all
-Christian. I don’t think one ought to be hard. He might do something
-desperate. I saw him go into Katie Ellerton’s only this morning. I think
-I’ll write him a little note, not referring to anything of course, and
-ask him if he won’t come in to supper on Sundays. Then he’ll see that I
-mean to forgive him, and there won’t be any more fuss.”
-
-Sunday appeared to be quite a suitable day upon which to resume the rôle
-of guardian angel. Mary felt a pleasant glow of virtue as she wrote her
-little note and sent it off to David.
-
-David Blake did not accept either the invitation or the olive branch.
-His anger against Mary was still stronger than his craving for her
-presence. He wrote a polite excuse and sat all that evening with his
-eyes fixed upon a book, which he made no pretence of reading. He had
-more devils than one to contend with just now. David had a strong will,
-and he was putting the whole strength of it into fighting the other
-craving, the craving for drink. In his sudden heat of passion he had
-taken an oath that he meant to keep. He had been drunk, and Mary had
-laughed at him. Neither Mary nor any one else should have that cause for
-mocking laughter again, and he sat nightly with a decanter at his elbow.
-
-“And,” as Mrs. Havergill remarked, “never touching a mortal drop,”
-because if he was to down the devil at all he meant to down him in a set
-battle, and not to spend his days in ignominious flight.
-
-Mrs. Havergill prognosticated woe to Sarah, with a mournful zest.
-
-“Them sudden changes isn’t ’olesome, and I don’t hold with them, Sarah,
-my girl. One young man I knew, Maudsley ’is name was, he got the
-’orrors, and died a-raving. And all through being cut off his drink too
-sudden. He broke ’is leg, and ’is mother, she said, ‘Now I’ll break ’im
-of the drink.’ A very strict Methody woman, were Jane Ann Maudsley. ‘Now
-I’ll break ’im,’ says she; and there she sits and watches ’im, and the
-pore feller ’ollering for whisky, just fair ’ollering. ‘Gemme a drop,
-Mother,’ says he. ‘Not I,’ says she. ‘It’s ’ell fire, William,’ says
-she. ‘I’m all on fire now, Mother,’ says he. ‘Better burn now than in
-’ell, William,’ says Jane Ann; and then the ’orrors took him, and he
-died. A fine, proper young man as ever stepped, and very sweet on me
-before I took up with Havergill,” concluded Mrs. Havergill meditatively,
-whilst Sarah shivered, and wished, as she afterwards confessed to a
-friend, “that Mrs. Havergill would be more cheerful like—just once in a
-way, for a change, as it were.”
-
-“For she do fair give a girl the ’ump sometimes,” concluded Sarah, after
-what was for her quite a long speech.
-
-Mrs. Havergill was a very buxom and comely person of unimpeachable
-respectability, but her fund of doleful reminiscence had depressed more
-than Sarah. David had been known to complain of it between jest and
-earnest. On one such occasion, at a tea-party to which Mary Chantrey had
-inveigled him, Miss Dobell ventured a mild protest.
-
-“But she is such a treasure. Oh, yes. Your dear mother always found her
-so.”
-
-David winced a little. His mother had not been dead very long then. He
-regarded Miss Dobell with gravity.
-
-“I have always wondered,” he said, “whether it was an early
-apprenticeship to a ghoul which has imparted such a mortuary turn to
-Mrs. Havergill’s conversation, or whether it is due to the fact of her
-having a few drops of Harvey’s Sauce in her veins.”
-
-“Harvey’s Sauce?” inquired the bewildered Miss Dobell.
-
-David explained in his best professional manner.
-
-“I said Harvey’s Sauce because it is an old and cherished belief of mind
-that the same talented gentleman invented the sauce and composed the
-well-known ‘Meditations among the Tombs.’ The only point upon which I
-feel some uncertainty is this: Did he compose the Meditations because
-the sauce had disagreed with him, or did he invent the sauce as a sort
-of cheerful antidote to the Meditations? Now which do you suppose, Miss
-Dobell?”
-
-Miss Dobell became very much fluttered.
-
-“Oh, I’m afraid—” she began. “I really had no idea that Harvey’s Sauce
-was an unwholesome condiment. Yes, indeed, I fear that I cannot be of
-any great assistance, or in fact of any assistance at all. No, oh, no. I
-fear, Dr. Blake, that you must ask some one else who is better informed
-than myself. Oh, yes.”
-
-Afterwards she confided to Mary Chantrey that she had never heard of the
-work in question. “Have you, my dear?”
-
-“No, never,” said Mary, who was not greatly attracted by the title.
-Girls of two-and-twenty with a disposition to meditate among the tombs
-are mercifully rare.
-
-“But,” pursued little Miss Dobell with a virtuous lift of the chin, “the
-title has a religious sound—yes, quite a religious sound. I hope, oh,
-yes, indeed, I hope that Dr. Blake has no dreadful sceptical opinions.
-They are so very shocking,” and Mary said, “Yes, they are, and I hope
-not, too.” Even in those days she was a little inclined to play at being
-David’s guardian angel.
-
-Those days were two years old now. Sometimes it seemed to David that
-they belonged to another life.
-
-Meanwhile he had his devil to fight. In the days that followed he fought
-the devil, and beat him, but without either pride or pleasure in the
-victory, for, deprived of stimulant, he fell again into the black pit of
-depression. Insomnia stood by his pillow and made the nights longer and
-more dreadful than the longest, gloomiest day.
-
-Mary met him in the High Street one day, and was really shocked at his
-looks. She reproached herself for neglecting him, smiled upon him
-sweetly, and said:
-
-“Oh, David, do come and see us. Edward will be so pleased. He got a
-parcel of butterflies from Java last week, and he would so much like you
-to see them. He was saying so only this morning.”
-
-David made a suitable response. His anger was gone. Mary was Mary. If
-she were unkind, she was still Mary. If she were trivial, foolish,
-cruel, what did it matter? Her voice made his blood leap, her eyes were
-like wine, her hand played on his pulses, and he asked nothing more than
-to feel that soft touch, and answer to it, with every high-strung nerve.
-He despised her a little, and himself a good deal, and when a man’s
-passion for a woman is mingled with contempt, it goes but ill with his
-soul.
-
-That evening saw him again in his old place. He came and went as of old,
-and, as of old, his fever burned, and burning, fretted away both health
-and self-respect. He slept less and less, and if sleep came at all, it
-was so thin, so haunted by ill dreams, that waking was a positive
-relief. At least when he waked he was still sane, but in those dreams
-there lurked an impending horror that might at any moment burst the
-gloom, and stare him mad. It was madness that he feared in the days
-which linked that endless procession of long, unendurable nights. It was
-about this time that he began to be haunted by a strange vision, which,
-like the impending terror, lay just beyond the bounds of consciousness.
-As on the one side madness lurked, so on the other there were hints,
-stray gleams, as it were, from some place of peace. And the strange
-thing about it was, that at these moments a conviction would seize him
-that this place was his by right. His the deep waters of comfort, and
-his the wide, unbroken fields of peace, his—but lost.
-
-Yet during all this time David went about his work, and if his patients
-thought him looking ill, they had no reason to complain either of
-inefficiency or neglect. His work was in itself a stimulant to him, a
-stimulant which braced his nerves and cleared his brain during the time
-that he was under its influence, and then resulted, like all stimulants,
-in a reaction of fatigue and nervous strain.
-
-In the first days of March, Elizabeth Chantrey had a visit from old Dr.
-Bull. He sat and had tea with her in her little brown room, and talked
-about the mild spring weather and the show of buds upon the apple tree
-in his small square of garden. He also told her that Mrs. Codrington had
-three broods of chickens out, a fact of which Elizabeth had already been
-informed by Mrs. Codrington herself. When Dr. Bull had finished dealing
-with the early chickens, he asked for another cup of tea, took a good
-pull at it, wiped his square beard with a very brilliant
-pocket-handkerchief in which the prevailing colours were sky-blue and
-orange, and remarked abruptly:
-
-“Why don’t you get David Blake to go away, hey?—hey?”
-
-Elizabeth frowned a little. This was getting to close quarters.
-
-“I?” she said, with a note of gentle surprise in her voice.
-
-Dr. Bull was quite ready for her. “You is the second person plural—or
-used to be when I went to school. You, and Mary, and Edward, you’re his
-friends, aren’t you?—and two of you are women, so he’ll have to be
-polite, hey? Can’t bite your heads off the way he bit off mine, when I
-suggested that a holiday ’ud do him good. And he wants a holiday, hey?”
-
-Elizabeth nodded.
-
-“He ought to go away,” she said.
-
-“He’ll break down if he doesn’t,” said Dr. Bull. He finished his cup of
-tea, and held it out. “Yes, another, please. You make him go, and he’ll
-come back a new man. What’s the good of being a woman if you can’t
-manage a man for his good?”
-
-Elizabeth thought the matter over for an hour, and then she spoke to
-Edward.
-
-“He won’t go,” said Edward, with a good deal of irritation. “I asked him
-some little time ago whether he wasn’t going to take a holiday. Now what
-is there in that to put any one’s back up? And yet, I do assure you, he
-looked at me as if I had insulted him. Really, Elizabeth, I can’t make
-out what has happened to David. He never used to be like this. And he
-comes here too often, a great deal too often. I shall have to tell him
-so, and then there’ll be a row, and I simply hate rows. But really, a
-man in his state, always under one’s feet—it gets on one’s nerves.”
-
-“Edward is getting dreadfully put out,” said Mary the same evening. She
-had come down to Elizabeth’s room to borrow a book, and lingered for a
-moment or two, standing by the fire and holding one foot to the blaze.
-It was a night of sudden frost after the mild spring day.
-
-“How cold it has turned,” said Mary. “Yes, I really don’t know what to
-do. If Edward goes on being tiresome and jealous”—she bridled a little
-as she spoke—“if he goes on—well, David will just have to stay away, and
-I’m afraid he will feel it. I am afraid it may be bad for him. You know
-I have always hoped that I was being of some use to David—I have always
-wanted to have an influence—a good influence does make such a
-difference, doesn’t it? I’ve never flirted with David—I really
-haven’t—you know that, Liz?”
-
-“No,” said Elizabeth slowly. “You haven’t flirted with him, Molly, my
-dear, but I think you are in rather a difficult position for being a
-good influence. You see, David is in love with you, and I think it would
-be better for him if he didn’t see you quite so often.”
-
-Mary’s colour rose.
-
-“I can’t help his being—fond of me,” she said, with a slight air of
-offended virtue. “I am sure I don’t know what you mean by my not being
-good for him. If it weren’t for me he might be drinking himself to death
-at this very moment. You know how he was going on, and I am sure you
-can’t have forgotten how dreadful he was that night he came here. I let
-him see how shocked I was. I know you were angry with me, and I thought
-it very unreasonable of you, because I did it on purpose, and it stopped
-him. You may say what you like, Liz, but it stopped him. Mrs. Havergill
-told Markham—yes, I know you don’t think I ought to talk to Markham
-about David, but she began about it herself, and she is really
-interested, and thought I would like to know—well, she says David has
-never touched a drop since. Mrs. Havergill told her so. So you see, Liz,
-I haven’t always been as bad for David as you seem to think. I don’t
-know if you want him to go and marry Katie Ellerton, just out of pique.
-She’s running after him worse than ever—I really do wonder she isn’t
-ashamed, and if David’s friends cast him off, well, she’ll just snap him
-up, and then I should think you’d be sorry.”
-
-Elizabeth leaned her chin in her hand, and was silent for a moment. Then
-she said: “Molly, dear, why should we try and prevent David from going
-to see Katie Ellerton? He is in love with you, and it is very bad for
-him. If he saw less of you for a time it would give him a chance of
-getting over it. David is very unhappy just now. No one can fail to see
-that. He wants what you can’t give him—rest, companionship, a home. If
-Katie cares for him, and can give him these things, let her give them.
-We have no business to stand in the way. Don’t you see that?”
-
-Elizabeth spoke sweetly and persuasively. She kept her eyes on her
-sister’s face, and saw there, first, offence, and then interest—the
-birth of a new idea.
-
-“Oh, well—if you don’t mind,” said Mary. “You are nearly as tiresome as
-Edward and Edward has been most dreadfully tiresome. I told him so. I
-said, ‘Edward, I really never knew you could be so tiresome,’ and it
-seemed to make him _worse_. I think, you know, that he is afraid that
-people will talk if David goes on coming here. Of course, that’s absurd,
-I told him it was absurd. I said, ‘Why, how on earth is any one to know
-that it isn’t Elizabeth he comes to see?’ And then, Edward became really
-violent. I didn’t know he could be, but he was. He simply plunged up and
-down the room, and said: ‘If he wants to see Elizabeth, then in Heaven’s
-name let him see Elizabeth. Let him _marry_ Elizabeth.’ Oh, you mustn’t
-mind, Liz,” as Elizabeth’s head went up, “it was only because he was so
-cross, and you and David are such old friends. There’s nothing for you
-to _mind_.”
-
-She paused, stole a quick glance at Elizabeth, then looked away, and
-said in a tentative voice, “Liz, why don’t you marry David?”
-
-“Because he doesn’t want me to, Molly,” said Elizabeth. Her voice was
-very proud, and her head very high.
-
-Mary half put out her hand, and drew it back again. She knew this mood
-of Elizabeth’s, and it was one that silenced even her ready tongue. She
-was the little sister again for a moment, and Elizabeth the mother,
-sister, and ideal—all in one.
-
-“Liz, I’m sorry,” she said in quite a small, humble voice.
-
-When she had gone, Elizabeth sat on by the fire. She did not move for a
-long time. When she did move, it was to put up a hand to her face, which
-was wet with many hot, slow tears. Pride dies hard, and hurts to the
-very last.
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER XI
- FORGOTTEN WAYS
-
-
- I have forgotten all the ways of sleep,
- The endless, windless silence of my dream,
- The milk-white poppy meadows and the stream,
- The dreaming water soft and still and deep—
- I have forgotten how that water flows,
- I have forgotten how the poppy grows,
- I have forgotten all the ways of sleep.
-
-It was on an afternoon, a few days later, that David came into the hall
-of the Mottisfonts’ house.
-
-“Lord save us, he do look bad,” was the thought in Markham’s mind as she
-let him in. Aloud she said that she thought Mrs. Mottisfont was just
-going out. As she spoke, Mary came down the stairs, bringing with her a
-sweet scent of violets.
-
-Mary was very obviously going out. She wore a white cloth dress, with
-dark furs, and there was a large bunch of mauve and white violets at her
-breast. She looked a little vexed when she saw David.
-
-“Oh,” she said, “I am just going out. I am so sorry, but I am afraid I
-must. Bazaars are tiresome things, but one must go to them, and I
-promised Mrs. Codrington that I would be there early. Elizabeth is in.
-She’ll give you some tea. Markham, will you please tell Miss Elizabeth?”
-
-David came forward as she was speaking. There was a window above the
-front door, and as he came out of the shadow, and the light fell on his
-face, he saw Mary start a little. Her expression changed, and she said
-in a hesitating manner:
-
-“Of course, Elizabeth may be busy, or she may be going out—I really
-don’t know. Perhaps you had better come another day, David.”
-
-He read her clearly enough. She thought that he had been drinking, and
-hesitated to leave him with her sister. He had been about to say that he
-could not stop, but her suspicion raised a devil of obstinacy in him,
-and as Elizabeth came out of her room by way of the dining-room, he
-advanced to meet her, saying:
-
-“Will you give me some tea, Elizabeth, or are you too busy?”
-
-“Liz, come here,” said Mary quickly. Her colour had risen at David’s
-tone. She drew Elizabeth a little aside. “Liz, you’d better not,” she
-whispered, “he looks so queer.”
-
-“Nonsense, Molly.”
-
-“I wish you wouldn’t——”
-
-“My dear Molly, are you going to begin to chaperone me?”
-
-Mary tossed her head.
-
-“Oh, if you don’t _mind_,” she said angrily, and went out, leaving
-Elizabeth with an odd sense of anticipation.
-
-Elizabeth found David standing before the writing-table, and looking at
-himself in the little Dutch mirror which hung above it. He turned as she
-came in.
-
-“Well,” he said bitterly, “has Mary renounced the Bazaar in order to
-stay and protect you? I’m not really as dangerous as she seems to think,
-though I am willing to admit that I am not exactly ornamental. Give me
-some tea, and I’ll not inflict myself on you for long.”
-
-Elizabeth smiled.
-
-“You know very well that I like having you here,” she said in her
-friendly voice. “Look at my flowers. Aren’t they well forward? I really
-think that everything is a fortnight before its time this year. No, not
-that chair, David. This one is much more comfortable.”
-
-Markham was coming in with the tea as Elizabeth spoke. David sat silent.
-He watched the tiny flame of the spirit-lamp, the mingled flicker of
-firelight and daylight upon the silver, and the thin old china with its
-branching pattern of purple and yellow flowers. He drank as many cups of
-tea as Elizabeth gave him, and she talked a little in a desultory
-manner, until he had finished, and then sat in a silence that was not
-awkward, but companionable.
-
-David made no effort to move, or speak. This was a pleasant room of
-Elizabeth’s. The brown panels were warm in the firelight. They made a
-soft darkness that had nothing gloomy about it, and the room was full of
-flowers. The great brown crock full of daffodils stood on the
-window-ledge, and on the table which filled the angle between the window
-and the fireplace was another, in which stood a number of the tall
-yellow tulips which smell like Maréchal-Niel roses. Elizabeth’s dress
-was brown, too. It was made of some soft stuff that made no sound when
-she moved. The room was very still, and very sweet, and the sweetness
-and the stillness were very grateful to David Blake. The thought came to
-him suddenly, that it was many years since he had sat like this in
-Elizabeth’s room, and the silence had companioned them. Years ago he had
-been there often enough, and they had talked, read, argued, or been
-still, just as the spirit of the moment dictated. They had been good
-comrades, then, in the old days—the happy days of youth.
-
-He looked across at Elizabeth and said suddenly:
-
-“You are a very restful woman, Elizabeth.”
-
-She smiled at him without moving, and answered:
-
-“I am glad if I rest you, David—I think you need rest.”
-
-“You sit so still. No one else sits so still.”
-
-Elizabeth laughed softly.
-
-“That sounds as if I were a very inert sort of person,” she said.
-
-David frowned a little.
-
-“No, it’s not that. It is strength—force—stability. Only strong things
-keep still like that.”
-
-This was so like the old David, that it took Elizabeth back ten years at
-a leap. She was silent for a moment, gathering her courage. Then she
-said:
-
-“David, you do need rest, and a change. Why don’t you go away?”
-
-She had thought he would be angry, but he was not angry. Instead, he
-answered her as the David of ten years ago might have done, with a
-misquotation.
-
-“What is the good of a change? It’s a case of—I myself am my own Heaven
-and Hell”; and his voice was the voice of a very weary man.
-
-Elizabeth’s eyes dwelt on him with a deep considering look.
-
-“Yes, that’s true,” she said. “One has to find oneself. But it is easier
-to find oneself in clear country than in a fog. This place is not good
-for you, David. When I said you wanted a change, I didn’t mean just for
-a time—I meant altogether. Why don’t you go right away—leave it all
-behind you, and start again?”
-
-He looked at her as if he might be angry, if he were not too tired.
-
-“Because I won’t run away,” he said, with his voice back on the harsh
-note which had become habitual.
-
-There was a pause. Elizabeth heard her own heart beat. The room was
-getting darker. A log fell in the fire.
-
-Then David laughed bitterly.
-
-“That sounded very fine, but it’s just a flam. The truth is, not that I
-won’t run away, but that I can’t. I’ve not got the energy. I’m three
-parts broke, and it’s all I can do to keep going at all. I couldn’t
-start fresh, because I’ve got nothing to start with. If I could sleep
-for a week it would give me a chance, but I can’t sleep. Skeffington has
-taken me in hand now, and out of three drugs he has given me, two made
-me feel as if I were going mad, and the third had no effect at all. I’m
-full of bromide now. It makes me sleepy, but it doesn’t make me sleep.
-You don’t know what it’s like. My brain is drunk with sleep—marshy with
-it, water-logged—but there’s always one point of consciousness left high
-and dry—tortured.”
-
-“Can’t you sleep at all?”
-
-“I suppose I do, or I should be mad in real earnest. Do I look mad,
-Elizabeth?”
-
-She looked at him. His face was very white, except for a flushed patch
-high up on either cheek. His eyes were bloodshot and strained, but there
-was no madness in them.
-
-“Is that what you are afraid of?”
-
-“Yes, my God, yes,” said David Blake, speaking only just above his
-breath.
-
-“I don’t think you need be afraid. I don’t, really, David. You look very
-tired. You look as if you wanted sleep more than anything else in the
-world.”
-
-She spoke very gently. “Will you let me send you to sleep? I think I
-can.”
-
-“Does one ask a man who is dying of thirst if one may give him a drink?”
-
-“Then I may?”
-
-“If you can—but—” He broke off as Markham came in to clear away the tea.
-Elizabeth began to talk of trivialities. For a minute or two Markham
-came and went, but when she had taken away the tray, and the door was
-shut, there was silence again.
-
-Elizabeth had turned her chair a little. She sat looking into the fire.
-She was not making pictures among the embers, as she sometimes did. Her
-eyes had a brooding look. Her honey-coloured hair looked like pale gold
-against the brown panelling behind her. She sat very still. David found
-it pleasant to watch her, pleasant to be here.
-
-His whole head was stiff and numb with lack of sleep. Every muscle
-seemed stretched and every nerve taut. There was a dull, continuous pain
-at the back of his head. Thought seemed muffled, his faculties clogged.
-Two thirds of his brain was submerged, but in the remaining third
-consciousness flared like a flickering will-o’-the-wisp above a marsh.
-
-David lay back in his chair. This was a peaceful place, a peaceful room.
-He had not meant to stay so long, but he had no desire to move. Slowly,
-slowly the tide of sleep mounted in him. Not, as often lately, with a
-sudden flooding wave which retreated again as suddenly, and left his
-brain reeling, but steadily, quietly, like the still rising of some
-peaceful, moon-drawn sea. He seemed to see that lifting tide. It was as
-deep and still as those still waters of which another David wrote. It
-rose and rose—the will-o’-the-wisp of consciousness ceased its tormented
-flickering, and he slept.
-
-Elizabeth never turned her head. She heard his breathing deepen, until
-it was very slow and steady. There was no other sound except when an
-ember dropped. The light failed. Soon there was no light but the glow of
-the fire.
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER XII
- THE GREY WOLF
-
-
- I thought I saw the Grey Wolf’s eyes
- Look through the bars of night;
- They drank the silver of the moon,
- And the stars’ pale chrysolite.
- From star by star they took their toll,
- And through the drained and darkened night
- They sought my darkened soul.
-
-David slept for a couple of hours, and that night he slept more than he
-had done for weeks. Next night, however, there returned the old strain,
-the old yearning for oblivion, the old inability to compass it. In the
-week that followed David passed through a number of strange, mental
-phases. After that first sound sleep had relieved the tension of his
-brain, he told himself that he owed it to the delayed action of the
-bromide Skeffington had given him. But as the strain returned, though
-reason held him to this opinion still, out of the deep undercurrents of
-consciousness there rose before him a vision of Elizabeth, with the gift
-of sleep in her hand. He passed into a state of conflict, and out of
-this conflict there grew up a pride that would owe nothing to a woman, a
-resistance that called itself reason and independence. And then, as the
-desire for sleep dominated everything, conflict merged into a desire
-that Elizabeth should heal him, should make him sleep. And all through
-the week he did not think of Mary at all. The craving for her had been
-swallowed up by that other craving. Mary had raised this fever, but it
-had now reached a point at which he had become unconscious of her. It
-was Elizabeth who filled his thoughts. Not Elizabeth the woman, but
-Elizabeth the bearer of that gift of sleep. But this, too, was a phase,
-and had its reaction.
-
-Towards the end of the week he finished his afternoon round by going to
-see an old Irishwoman, who had been in the hospital for an operation,
-and had since been dismissed as incurable. She was a plucky old soul,
-and a cheerful, but to-day David found her in a downcast mood.
-
-“Sure, it’s not the pain I’d be minding if I could get my sleep,” she
-said. “Couldn’t ye be after putting the least taste of something in my
-medicine, then, Doctor, dear?”
-
-David had his finger on her pulse. He patted her hand kindly as he laid
-it down.
-
-“Come, now, Mrs. Halloran,” he said, “when I gave you that last bottle
-of medicine you said it made you sleep beautifully.”
-
-“Just for a bit it did,” said Judy Halloran. “Sure, it was only for a
-bit, and now it’s the devil’s own nights I’m having. Couldn’t you be
-making it the least taste stronger, then?”
-
-She looked at David rather piteously.
-
-“Well, we must see,” he said. “You finish that bottle, and then I’ll see
-what I can do for you.”
-
-Mrs. Halloran closed her eyes for a minute. Then she opened them rather
-suddenly, shot a quick look at David, and said with an eager note in her
-voice:
-
-“They do be saying that Miss Chantrey can make anny one sleep. There was
-a friend of mine was after telling me about it. It was her daughter that
-had the sleep gone from her, and after Miss Chantrey came to see her, it
-was the fine nights she was having, and it’s the strong woman she is
-now, entirely.”
-
-David got up rather abruptly.
-
-“Come, now, Mrs. Halloran,” he said, “you know as well as I do that
-that’s all nonsense. But I daresay a visit from Miss Chantrey would
-cheer you up quite a lot. Would you like to see her? Shall I ask her to
-come in one day?”
-
-“She’d be kindly welcome,” said Judy Halloran.
-
-David went home with the old conflict raging again. Skeffington had been
-urging him to see a specialist. He had always refused. But now, quite
-suddenly, he wired for an appointment.
-
-He came down from town on a dark, rainy afternoon, feeling that he had
-built up a barrier between himself and superstition.
-
-An hour later he was at the Mottisfonts’ door, asking Markham if Mary
-was at home. Mary had gone out to tea, said Markham, and then
-volunteered, “Miss Elizabeth is in, sir.”
-
-David told himself that he had not intended to ask for Elizabeth. Why
-should he ask for Elizabeth? He could, however, hardly explain to
-Markham that it was not Elizabeth he wished to see, so he came in, and
-was somehow very glad to come.
-
-Elizabeth had been reading aloud to herself. As he stood at the door he
-could hear the rise and fall of her voice. It was an old trick of hers.
-Ten years ago he had often stood on the threshold and listened, until
-rebuked by Elizabeth for eavesdropping.
-
-He came in, and she said just in the old voice:
-
-“You were listening, David.”
-
-But it was the David of to-day who responded wearily, “I beg your
-pardon, Elizabeth. Did you mind?”
-
-“No, of course not. Sit down, David. What have you been doing with
-yourself?”
-
-Instead of sitting down he walked to the window and looked out. The sky
-was one even grey, and, though the rain had ceased, heavy drops were
-falling from the roof and denting the earth in Elizabeth’s window boxes,
-which were full of daffodils in bud. After a moment he turned and said
-impatiently, “How dark this room is!”
-
-Elizabeth divined in him a reaction, a fear of what she had done, and
-might do. She knew very well why he had stayed away. Without replying
-she put out her hand and touched a switch on the wall. A tall lamp with
-a yellow shade sprang into view, and the whole room became filled with a
-soft, warm light.
-
-David left the window, but still he did not sit. For a while he walked
-up and down restlessly, but at length came to a standstill between
-Elizabeth and the fire. He was so close to her that she had only to put
-out her hand and it would have touched his. He stood looking, now at the
-miniatures on the wall, now at the fire which burned with a steady red
-glow. He was half turned from Elizabeth, but she could see his face. It
-was strained and thin. The flesh had fallen away, leaving the great
-bones prominent.
-
-It was Elizabeth who broke the silence, and she said what she had not
-meant to say.
-
-“David, are you better? Are you sleeping?”
-
-“No,” he said shortly.
-
-“And you won’t let me help?”
-
-“I didn’t say so.”
-
-“Did you think I didn’t know?” Elizabeth’s voice was very sad.
-
-They had fallen suddenly upon an intimate note. It was a note that he
-had never touched with Mary. That they should be talking like this
-filled him with a dazed surprise. He as well as she was taking it for
-granted that she had given him sleep, and could give him sleep again.
-
-He gave himself a sudden shake.
-
-“I’m going away,” he said in a harder voice.
-
-There was a pause.
-
-“I’m glad,” said Elizabeth, and then there was silence again.
-
-This time it was David who spoke, and he spoke in the hot, insistent
-tones of a man who argues a losing case.
-
-“One can’t go on not sleeping. That is what I said to old Wyatt Byng
-to-day.”
-
-“Sir Wyatt Byng?” said Elizabeth quickly.
-
-“Yes—I saw him. Skeffington would have me see him, but what’s the use?
-He swears I shall sleep, if I take the stuff he’s given me—the latest
-French fad—but I don’t sleep. I seem to have lost the way—and one can’t
-go on.”
-
-He paused, and then said frowning:
-
-“It’s so odd——”
-
-“Odd?”
-
-“Yes—so odd—sleep. Such an odd thing. It was so easy once. Now it’s so
-difficult that it can’t be done. Why? No one knows. No one knows what
-sleep is——”
-
-His voice trailed away. He was strung like a wire that is ready to snap,
-and on the borders of consciousness, just out of sight, something
-waited; he turned his head sharply, as if the thing he dreaded might be
-there—behind him—in the shadow.
-
-Instead, he saw Elizabeth in a golden light like a halo. It swam before
-his tired eyes, a glow with a rainbow edge. Out of the heart of it she
-looked at him with serious, tender eyes.
-
-Beyond, in the gloom, there lurked such a horror as made him catch his
-breath, and here at his side—in this room, peace, safety, and
-sleep—sleep, the one thing in heaven or earth desired and desirable.
-
-A sort of shudder passed over him, and he repeated his own last words in
-a low, altered voice.
-
-“One _can’t_ go on. Something must give way. Sometimes I feel as if it
-might give now—at any moment. Then there’s madness—when one can’t sleep.
-Am I going mad, Elizabeth?”
-
-Elizabeth caught his hand and held it. He was so near that the impulse
-carried her away. Her clasp was strong, warm, and vital.
-
-“No, my dear, no,” she said.
-
-Then with a catch in her voice:
-
-“Oh, David—let me help you.”
-
-He shook his head in a slow, considering manner.
-
-“No—there would be only one way—and that’s not fair.”
-
-“What isn’t fair, David?”
-
-“You—to marry—me,” he said, still in that slow, considering way. “You
-know, Elizabeth, I can’t think very well. My head is all to pieces. But
-it’s not fair, and I can’t take your help—” He broke off frowning.
-
-“David, it has nothing to do with that sort of thing,” said Elizabeth
-very seriously. “It’s only what I would do for any one.”
-
-She was shaken to the depths, but she kept her voice low and steady.
-
-“Yes—it has—one can’t take like that——”
-
-“Because I’m a woman? Just because I’m a woman?”
-
-Elizabeth looked up quickly and spoke quickly, because she knew that if
-she stopped to think she would not speak at all.
-
-“And if we were married?”
-
-“Then it would be different,” said David Blake.
-
-His voice was not like his usual voice. It sounded like the voice of a
-man who was puzzled, who was trying to recall something of which he has
-seen glimpses. Was it something from the past, or something from the
-future?
-
-Elizabeth got up and stood as he was standing—one hand on the oak shelf
-above the fireplace the other clenched at her side.
-
-“David, are you asking me to marry you?” she said.
-
-He raised his head, half startled. The silence that followed her
-question seemed to fill the room and shake it. His will shook too, drawn
-this way and that by forces that were above and beyond them both.
-
-Elizabeth did not look at him. She did not know what he would answer,
-and all their lives hung on that answer of his. She held her breath, and
-it seemed to her that she was holding her will too. She was suddenly,
-overpoweringly conscious of her own strength, her own vital force and
-power. If she let this force go out to David now—in his weakness! It was
-the greatest temptation that she had ever known, and, after one
-shuddering moment, she turned from it in horror. She kept her will, her
-strength, her vital powers in a strong grip. No influence of hers must
-touch or sway him now. Her heart stopped beating. Her very life seemed
-to be suspended. Then she heard David say:
-
-“Would you marry me, Elizabeth?” His tone was a wondering one. It broke
-the tension. She turned her head a little and said:
-
-“Yes—if you needed me.”
-
-“Need—need—I think I should sleep—and if I don’t sleep I shall go mad.
-But, perhaps I shall go mad anyhow. You must not marry me if I am going
-mad.”
-
-“You won’t go mad.”
-
-“You think not? There is something that shakes all the time. It never
-stops. It goes on always. I think that is why I don’t sleep. But when I
-am with you it seems to stop. I don’t know why, but it does seem to
-stop, just whilst I am with you.”
-
-“It will stop altogether when you get your sleep back.”
-
-“Oh, yes.”
-
-The half-dreamy note went out of his voice, and the note of intimate
-self-revealing. Elizabeth noticed the change at once.
-
-“When do you go away, and where do you go?” she asked.
-
-“Switzerland, I think. I could get away by the 3rd of April.”
-
-David was trying to think, but his head was very tired. He must go away.
-He must have a change. They all said that. But it was no use for him to
-go away if he did not sleep. He must have sleep. But if Elizabeth were
-with him he would sleep. Elizabeth must come with him. If they were
-married at once she could come with him, and then he would sleep. But it
-was so soon. He spoke his thought aloud.
-
-“You wouldn’t marry me first, I suppose? You wouldn’t come with me?”
-
-“Why not?” said Elizabeth quietly. The quietness hid the greatest effort
-of her life. “If you want me, I will come. I only want to help you, and
-if I can help you best that way——”
-
-David let himself sink into a chair, and began to talk a little of
-plans, wearily and with an effort. He had to force his brain to make it
-work at all. All these details, these plans, these conventions seemed to
-him irrelevant and burdensome.
-
-He got up to go as the clock struck seven.
-
-Elizabeth put out her hand to him as she had always done.
-
-“And you will let me help you?”
-
-“No, not yet—not till afterwards,” he said.
-
-“It makes no difference, David, you know. It is just what I would do for
-any one who wanted it——”
-
-He shook his head. There was a reaction upon him, a withdrawal.
-
-“Not yet—not till afterwards. I’ll give old Byng’s stuff a chance,” he
-said obstinately, and then went out with just a bare good-night.
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER XIII
- MARCH GOES OUT
-
-
- I thought I saw the Grey Wolf’s eyes.
- The sun was gone away,
- Most unendurably gone down,
- With all delights of day.
- I cried aloud for light, and all
- The light was dead and done away,
- And no one answered to my call.
-
-Edward was, perhaps, the person best pleased at the news of Elizabeth’s
-engagement. He had been, as Mary phrased it, “very much put out.” Put
-out, in fact, to the point of wondering whether he could possibly nerve
-himself to tell David that he came too often to the house. He had an
-affection for David, and he was under an obligation to him, but there
-were limits—during the last fortnight he had very frequently explained
-to Mary that there were limits. Whether he would ever have got as far as
-explaining this to David remains amongst the lesser mysteries of life.
-Mary did not take the explanation in what Edward considered at all a
-proper spirit. She bridled, looked very pretty, talked about good
-influences, and was much offended when Edward lost his temper. He lost
-it to the extent of consigning good influences to a place with which
-they are not usually connected, though the way to it is said to be paved
-with good intentions. Mary had a temper, too. It took her out of the
-room with a bang of the door, but she subsequently cried herself sick
-because Edward had sworn at her.
-
-There was a reconciliation, but Edward was not as penitent as Mary
-thought he should have been. David became a sore point with both of
-them, and Edward, at least, was unfeignedly pleased at what he
-considered a happy solution of the difficulty. He was fond of Elizabeth,
-but it would certainly be more agreeable to have the whole house at his
-own disposal. He had always thought that Elizabeth’s little brown room
-would be the very place for his collections. He fell to estimating the
-probable cost of lining the whole wall-space with cabinets.
-
-Mary was not quite as pleased as Edward.
-
-“You know, Liz,” she said, “I am very _glad_ that David should marry. I
-think he wants a home. But I don’t think you ought to marry him until
-he’s _better_. He looks dreadful. And a fortnight’s engagement—I can’t
-_think_ what people will say—one ought to consider that.”
-
-“Oh, Molly, you are too young for the part of Mrs. Grundy,” said
-Elizabeth, laughing.
-
-Mary coloured and said:
-
-“It’s all very well, Liz, but people will talk.”
-
-“Well, Molly, and if they do? What is there for them to say? It is all
-very simple, really. No one can help seeing how ill David is, and I
-think every one would understand my wanting to be with him. People are
-really quite human and understanding if they are taken the right way.”
-
-“But a fortnight,” said Mary, frowning. “Why Liz, you will not be able
-to get your things!” And she was shocked beyond words when Elizabeth
-betrayed a complete indifference as to whether she had any new things at
-all.
-
-The wedding was fixed for the 3rd of April, and the days passed. David
-made the necessary arrangements with a growing sense of detachment. The
-matter was out of his hands.
-
-For a week the new drug gave him sleep, a sleep full of brilliant
-dreams, strange flashes of light, and bursts of unbearable colour. He
-woke from it with a blinding headache and a sense of strain beyond that
-induced by insomnia. Towards the end of the week he stopped taking the
-drug. The headache had become unendurable. This state was worse than the
-last.
-
-On the last day of March he came to Elizabeth and told her that their
-marriage must be deferred.
-
-“Ronnie Ellerton is very ill,” he said; “I can’t go away.”
-
-“But David, you _must_——”
-
-He shook his head. The obstinacy of illness was upon him.
-
-“I can’t—and I won’t,” he declared. Then, as if realising that he owed
-her some explanation, he added:
-
-“He’s so spoilt. Why are women such fools? He’s never been made to do
-anything he didn’t like. He won’t take food or medicine, and I’m the
-only person who has the least authority over him. And she’s half crazy
-with anxiety, poor soul. I have promised not to go until he’s round the
-corner. It’s only a matter of a day or two, so we must just put it off.”
-
-Elizabeth put her hand on his arm.
-
-“David, we need not put off the marriage,” she said in her most ordinary
-tones. “You see, if we are married, we could start off as soon as the
-child was better.”
-
-She had it in her mind that unless David would let her help him soon, he
-would be past helping.
-
-He looked at her indifferently. “You will stay here?”
-
-“Not unless you wish,” she answered.
-
-“I? Oh! it is for you to say.”
-
-There was no interest in his tone. If he thought of anything it was of
-Ronnie Ellerton. A complete apathy had descended upon him. Nothing was
-real, nothing mattered. Health—sanity—rest—these were only names. They
-meant nothing. Only when he turned to his work, his brain still moved
-with the precision of a machine, regularly, correctly.
-
-He did not tell her either then or ever, that Katie Ellerton had broken
-down and spoken bitter words about his marriage.
-
-“I’ve nothing but Ronnie—nothing but Ronnie—and you will go away with
-her and he will die. I know he will die if you go. Can’t she spare you
-just for two days—or three—to save Ronnie’s life? Promise me you won’t
-go till he is safe—promise—promise.”
-
-And David had promised, taking in what she had said about the child, but
-only half grasping the import of her frantic appeal. Neither he nor she
-were real people to him just now. Only Ronnie was real—Ronnie, who was
-ill, and his patient.
-
-Elizabeth went through the next two days with a heavy heart. She had to
-meet Mary’s questions, her objections, her disapprobations, and it was
-all just a little more than she could bear.
-
-On the night before the wedding, Mary left Edward upstairs and came to
-sit beside Elizabeth’s fire. Elizabeth would rather have been alone, and
-yet she was pleased that Mary cared to come. If only she would let all
-vexed questions be—it seemed as if she would, for her mood was a silent
-one. She sat for a long time without speaking, then, with an impulsive
-movement, she slid out of her chair and knelt at Elizabeth’s side.
-
-“Oh, Liz, I’ve been cross. I know I have. I know you’ve thought me
-cross. But it’s because I’ve been unhappy—Liz, I’m not _happy_ about
-you——”
-
-Elizabeth put her hand on Mary’s shoulder for a moment.
-
-“Don’t be unhappy, Molly,” she said, in rather an unsteady voice.
-
-“But I am, Liz, I am—I can’t help it—I have talked, and worried you, and
-have been cross, but all the time I’ve been most dreadfully unhappy. Oh,
-Liz, don’t do it—don’t!”
-
-“Molly, dear——”
-
-“No, I know it’s no use—you won’t listen—” and Mary drew away and dabbed
-her eyes with a fragmentary apology for a pocket-handkerchief.
-
-“Molly, please——”
-
-Mary nodded.
-
-“Yes, Liz, I know. I won’t—I didn’t mean to——”
-
-There was a little silence. Then with a sudden choking sob, Mary turned
-and said:
-
-“I can’t _bear_ it. Oh, Liz, you ought to be loved so much. You ought to
-marry some one who loves you—_really_——. And I don’t think David does.
-Liz, does he love you—does he?”
-
-The sound of her own words frightened her a little, but Elizabeth
-answered very gently and sadly:
-
-“No, Molly, but he needs me.”
-
-Mary was silenced. Here was something beyond her. She put her arms round
-Elizabeth and held her very tightly for a moment. Then she released her
-with a sob, and ran crying from the room.
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER XIV
- THE GOLDEN WIND
-
-
- Then far, oh, very far away,
- The Wind began to rise,
- The Sun, the Moon, the Stars were gone,
- I saw the Grey Wolf’s eyes.
- The Wind rose up and rising, shone,
- I saw it shine, I saw it rise,
- And suddenly the dark was gone.
-
-David Blake was married to Elizabeth Chantrey at half-past two of an
-April day. Edward and Mary Mottisfont were the only witnesses, with the
-exception of the verger, who considered himself a most important person
-on these occasions, when he invariably appeared to be more priestly than
-the rector and more indispensable than the bridegroom.
-
-It requires no practice to be a bridegroom but years, if not
-generations, go to the making of the perfect verger. This verger was the
-son and the grandson of vergers. He was the perfect verger. He stood
-during the service and disapproved of David’s grey pallor, his shaking
-hand, and his unsteady voice. His black gown imparted a funerary air to
-the proceedings.
-
-“Drinking, that’s what he’d been,” he told his wife, and his wife said,
-“Oh, William,” as one who makes response to an officiating priest.
-
-But he wronged David, who was not drunk—only starved for lack of sleep,
-and strung to the breaking point. His voice stumbled over the words in
-which he took Elizabeth to be his wedded wife and trailed away to a
-whisper at the conclusion.
-
-A gusty wind beat against the long grey windows, and between the gusts
-the heavy rain thudded on the roof above.
-
-Mary shivered in the vestry as she kissed Elizabeth and wished her joy.
-Then she turned to David and kissed him too. He was her brother now, and
-there would be no more nonsense. Edward frowned, David stiffened, and
-Elizabeth, standing near him, was aware that all his muscles had become
-rigid.
-
-Elizabeth and David went out by the vestry door, and stood a moment on
-the step. The rain had ceased quite suddenly in the April fashion. The
-sky was very black overhead and the air was full of a wet wind, but far
-down to the right the water meadows lay bathed in a clear sweet
-sunshine, and the west was as blue as a turquoise. Between the blue of
-the sky and the bright emerald of the grass, the horizon showed faintly
-golden, and a broken patch of rainbow light glowed against the nearest
-dark cloud.
-
-David and Elizabeth walked to their home in silence. Mrs. Havergill
-awaited them with an air of mournful importance. She had prepared coffee
-and a cake with much almond icing and the word “Welcome” inscribed upon
-it in silver comfits. Elizabeth ate a piece of cake from a sense of
-duty, and David drank cup after cup of black coffee, and then sat in a
-sort of stupor of fatigue until roused by the sound of the telephone
-bell.
-
-After a minute or two he came back into the room.
-
-“Ronnie is worse,” he said shortly. There was a change in him. He had
-pulled himself together. His voice was stronger.
-
-“He’s worse. I must go at once. Don’t wait dinner, and don’t sit up. I
-may have to stay all night.”
-
-When he had gone, Elizabeth went upstairs to unpack. Mrs. Havergill
-followed her.
-
-“You ’avn’t been in this room since Mrs. Blake was took.”
-
-“It’s a very nice room,” said Elizabeth.
-
-“All this furniture,” said Mrs. Havergill, “come out of the ’ouse in the
-’Igh Street. That old mahogany press, Mrs. Blake set a lot of store by,
-and the bed, too. Ah! pore thing, I suppose she little thought as ’ow
-she’d come to die in it.”
-
-The bed was a fine old four-poster, with a carved foot-rail. Elizabeth
-went past it to the windows, of which there were three, set casement
-fashion, at the end of the room, with a wide low window-seat running
-beneath them.
-
-She got rid of Mrs. Havergill without hurting her feelings. Then she
-knelt on the seat, and looked out. She saw the river beneath her, and a
-line of trees in the first green mist of their new leaves. The river was
-dark and bright in patches, and the wind sang above it. Elizabeth’s
-heart was glad of this place. It was a thing she loved—to see green
-trees and bright water, and to hear the wind go by above the stream.
-
-When she had unpacked and put everything away, she stood for a moment,
-and then opened the door that led through into David’s room. It was
-getting dark in here, for the room faced the east. Elizabeth went to the
-window and looked out. The sky was full of clouds, and the promise of
-rain.
-
-It was very late before David came home. At ten, Elizabeth sent the
-servants to bed. There was cold supper laid in the dining-room, and soup
-in a covered pan by the side of the fire. Elizabeth sat by the lamp and
-sewed. Every now and then she lifted her head and listened. Then she
-sewed again.
-
-At twelve o’clock David put his key into the latch, and the door opened
-with a little click and then shut again.
-
-David was a long time coming in. He came in slowly, and sat down upon
-the first chair he touched.
-
-“He’ll do,” he said in an exhausted voice.
-
-“I’m so glad,” said Elizabeth.
-
-She knelt by the fire, and poured some of the soup into a cup. Then she
-held it out to him, and he drank, taking long draughts. After that she
-put food before him, and he ate in a dazed, mechanical fashion.
-
-When he had finished, he sat staring at Elizabeth, with his elbows on
-the table, and his head between his hands.
-
-“Ronnie is asleep—he’ll do.” And then with sudden passion: “My God, if I
-could sleep!”
-
-“You will, David,” said Elizabeth. She put her hand on his arm, and he
-turned his head a little, still staring at her.
-
-“No, I don’t sleep,” he said. “Everything else sleeps—_Die Vöglein ruhen
-im Walde_. How does it go?”
-
-“_Warte nur, balde ruhest du auch_,” said Elizabeth in her tranquil
-voice.
-
-“No,” said David, “I can’t get in. It was so easy once—but now I can’t
-get in. The silent city of sleep has long, smooth walls—I can’t find the
-gate; I grope along the wall all night, hour after hour. A hundred times
-I think I have found the door. Sometimes there is a flashing sword that
-bars the way, sometimes the wall closes—closes as I pass the threshold.
-There’s no way in. The walls are smooth—all smooth—you can’t get in.”
-
-He spoke, not wildly, but in a low, muttering way. Elizabeth touched his
-hand. It was very hot.
-
-“Come, David,” she said, “it is late.” She drew him to his feet, and he
-walked uncertainly, and leaned on her shoulder, as they went up the
-stair. Once in his room, he sank again upon a chair. He let her help
-him, but when she knelt, and would have unlaced his boots, he roused
-himself.
-
-“No, you are not to,” he said with a sudden anger in his voice, and he
-took them off, and then let her help him again.
-
-When he was in bed, Elizabeth stood by him for a moment.
-
-“Are you comfortable?” she asked.
-
-“If I could sleep,” he said, only just above his breath. “If I could.”
-
-“Oh, but you will,” said Elizabeth. “Don’t be afraid, David. It’s all
-right.”
-
-She set the door into her room ajar and then sat down by the window, and
-looked out at the night. The blind was up. The night was dark and clear.
-There were stars, many little glittering points. It was very still.
-Elizabeth fixed her eyes upon the sky, but after a minute or two she did
-not see it at all. Her mind was full of David and his need. This
-tortured, sleepless state of his had no reality. How could it compass
-and oppress the immortal image of God? Her thought rose into peace.
-Elizabeth opened her mind to the Divine light. Her will rested. She was
-conscious only of that radiant peace. It enwrapped her, it enwrapped
-David. In it they lived and moved and had their being. In it they were
-real and vital creatures. To lapse from consciousness of it, was to fall
-upon a formless, baseless dream, wherein were the shadows of evil. These
-shadows had no reality. Brought to the light, they faded, leaving only
-that peace—that radiance. Elizabeth’s eyes were opened. She saw the
-Wings of Peace.
-
-And David slept.
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER XV
- LOVE MUST TO SCHOOL
-
-
- Love must to school to learn his alphabet,
- His wings are shorn, his eyes are dim and wet.
- He pores on books that once he knew by heart—
- Poor, foolish Love, to wander and forget.
-
-Elizabeth sat quite motionless for half an hour. Then she stirred, bent
-her head for a moment, whilst she listened to David’s regular breathing,
-and then rose to her feet. She passed through the open door into her own
-room, and undressed in the dark. Then she lay down and slept.
-
-Three times during the night she woke and listened. But David still
-slept. When she woke up for the third time, the room was full of the
-greyness of the dawn. She got up and closed the door between the two
-rooms.
-
-Then she lay waking. It had been a strange wedding night.
-
-The day dawned cloudy, but broke at noon into a cloudless warmth that
-was more like June than April.
-
-“Take me down the river,” said Elizabeth, and they rowed down for half a
-mile, and turned the boat into a water-lane where budding willows swept
-down on either side, and brushed the stream.
-
-David was very well content to lie in the sun. The strain was gone from
-him, leaving behind it a weariness beyond words. Every limb, every
-muscle, every nerve was relaxed. There was a great peace upon him. The
-air tasted sweet. The light was a pleasant thing. The sky was blue, and
-so was Elizabeth’s dress, and Elizabeth was a very reposeful person. She
-did not fidget and she did not chatter. When she spoke it was of
-pleasant things.
-
-David recalled a day, ten years ago, when he had sat with her in this
-very place. He could see himself, full of enthusiasm, full of youth. He
-could remember how he had talked, and how Elizabeth had listened. She
-was just the same now. It was he who had changed. Ten years ago seemed
-to him a very pleasant time, a very pleasant memory. Pictures rose
-before him—stray words—stray recollections running into a long, soft
-blur.
-
-They came home in the dusk.
-
-“Are you going to see Ronnie again?” said Elizabeth, as they landed.
-
-“Yes; he couldn’t be doing better, but I’ll look in, and to-morrow
-Skeffington will go with me so as to get him broken in to the change. We
-ought to get away all right now.”
-
-David waked next day to find the sun shining in at his uncurtained
-window. From where he lay he could see the young blue of the sky, and
-all the room seemed full of the sun’s gold. David lay in a lazy
-contentment watching the motes that danced in a long shining beam. There
-was a new stir of life in his veins. He stretched out his limbs and was
-glad of their strength. The sweetness and the glory and the promise of
-the spring slid into his blood and fired it.
-
-“Mary,” he said, still between sleeping and waking—and with the name,
-memory woke. Suddenly his brain was very clear. He looked straight ahead
-and saw the door that led into the other room—the room that had been his
-mother’s. Elizabeth was in that room. He had married Elizabeth—she was
-his wife. He lay quite still and stared at the door. Elizabeth Chantrey
-was Elizabeth Blake. She was his wife—and Mary——
-
-A sudden spasm of laughter caught David by the throat. Mary was what she
-had promised to be—his sister; Mary was his sister. The spasm of
-laughter passed, and with it the stir in David’s blood. He was quite
-cool now. He lay staring at that closed door, and faced the situation.
-
-It was a damnable situation, he decided. He felt as a man might feel who
-wakes from the delirium of weeks, to find that in his madness he has
-done some intolerable, some irrevocable thing. A man who does not sleep
-is a man who is not wholly sane. David looked back and followed the
-events of the last few months with a critical detachment.
-
-He saw the strain growing and growing until, in the end, on the brink of
-the abyss, he had snatched at the relief which Elizabeth offered, as a
-man who dies of thirst will snatch at water. Well—he had taken
-Elizabeth’s draught of water, his thirst was quenched, he was his own
-man again. No, never his own man any more. Never free any
-more—Elizabeth’s debtor—Elizabeth’s husband.
-
-David set his face like a flint—he would pay his debt.
-
-He went out as soon as he had breakfasted and walked for a couple of
-hours. It was a little after noon when he came into the drawing-room
-where Elizabeth was.
-
-The floor was covered with a great many yards of green stuff which she
-was cutting into curtain lengths. As David came in, she looked up and
-smiled.
-
-“Oh, _please_,” she said, “if you wouldn’t mind, I shall cut them so
-much better if you hold one end.”
-
-David knelt down and held the stuff, whilst Elizabeth cut it. She came
-quite close to him at the end, smiled again, and took away the two
-pieces which he still clutched helplessly.
-
-“That’s beautiful,” she said, and sat down and began to sew.
-
-David watched her in silence. If she found his gaze embarrassing, she
-showed no sign.
-
-“We can start to-morrow,” he said at last. He gave a list of trains,
-stopping-places, and hotels, paused at the end of it, walked to the
-window, and then, turning, said with an effort:
-
-“This has been a bad beginning for you, my dear—you’ve been very good to
-me. You deserve a better bargain, but I’ll do my best.”
-
-Elizabeth did not speak at once. David thought that she was not going to
-speak at all, but after what seemed like a long time she said:
-
-“David!” and then stopped.
-
-There was a good deal of colour in her cheeks. David saw that she, too,
-was making an effort.
-
-“Well,” he said, and his voice was more natural.
-
-“David,” said Elizabeth, “what did you mean by ‘doing your best’?”
-
-David met her eyes. He had always liked Elizabeth’s eyes. They were so
-very clear.
-
-“I meant that I’d do my best to make you a good husband,” he said quite
-simply.
-
-Elizabeth’s colour rose higher still. She continued to look at David,
-because she would have considered it cowardly to look away.
-
-“A good husband to my good wife,” she said. “But, David, I don’t think
-you want a wife just now.”
-
-David came across the room and sat down by the table at which Elizabeth
-was working.
-
-“Then why did you marry me, Elizabeth?” he asked.
-
-Elizabeth did not turn her head at once.
-
-“I think what we both want just now,” she said, “is friendship.” Her
-voice was low, but she kept it steady. “The sort of friendship that is
-one side of marriage. It is not really possible for a man and a woman to
-be friends in that sort of way unless they are married. I think you want
-a friend—I know I do. I think you have been very lonely—one is lonely,
-and it is worse for a man. He can’t get the home-feeling, and he misses
-it. You did not marry me because you needed a wife. I don’t think you
-do. When you want a wife, I will be your wife, but just now——”
-
-She broke off. She did not look at David, but David looked at her. He
-saw how tightly her hands were clasped, he saw the colour flushing in
-her cheeks. She had great self-control, but that she was deeply moved
-was very evident.
-
-All at once he became conscious of great fatigue. He had walked far and
-in considerable distress of mind. He had put a very strong constraint
-upon himself. He rested his head on his hand and tried to think.
-Elizabeth did not speak again. After a time he raised his head.
-Elizabeth was watching him—her eyes were very soft. A sense of relief
-came upon David. Just to drift—just to let things go on in the old way,
-on the old lines. Not for always—just for a time—until he had put Mary
-out of his thoughts. Their marriage was not an ordinary one. It was for
-Elizabeth to make what terms she would. And it was a relief—yes, no
-doubt it was a relief.
-
-“If I say, Yes,” he said, “it is only for a time. It is not a very
-possible situation, you know, Elizabeth—not possible at all in most
-cases. But just now, just for the present, I admit your right to
-choose.”
-
-Elizabeth’s hands relaxed.
-
-“Thank you, David,” she said.
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER XVI
- FRIENDSHIP
-
-
- See, God is everywhere,
- Where, then, is care?
- There is no night in Him,
- Then how can we grow dim?
- There is no room for pain or fear
- Since God is Love, and Love is here.
-
- The full cup lowered down into the sea,
- Is full continually,
- How can it lose one drop when all around
- The endless floods abound?
- So we in Him no part of Life can lose,
- For all is ours to use.
-
-David found himself enjoying his holiday a good deal. Blue skies and
-shining air, clear cold of the snows and radiant warmth of the spring
-sun, sweet sleep by night and pleasant companionship by day—all these
-were his portion. His own content surprised him. He had been so long in
-the dark places that he could scarcely believe that the shadow was gone,
-and the day clear again. He had been prepared to struggle manfully
-against the feeling for Mary which had haunted and tormented him for so
-long. To his surprise, he found that this feeling fell into line with
-the other symptoms of his illness. He shrank from thinking of it, as he
-shrank from thinking of his craving for drink, his sleepless nights, and
-his dread of madness. It was all a part of the same bad dream—a shadow
-among shadows, in a world of gloom from which he had escaped.
-
-Elizabeth was a very good companion. It was too early to climb, but they
-took long walks, shared picnic meals, and talked or were silent just as
-the spirit moved them. It was the old boy and girl companionship come
-back, and it was a very restful thing. One day, when they had been
-married about a fortnight, David said suddenly:
-
-“How did you do it, Elizabeth?”
-
-They were sitting on a grassy slope, looking over a wide valley where
-blue mists lay. A little wind was blowing, and the upper air was clear.
-The grass on which they sat was short. It was full of innumerable small
-white and purple anemones. Elizabeth was sitting on the grass, watching
-the flowers, and touching first one and then another with the tips of
-her fingers.
-
-“All these little white ones have a violet stain at the back of each
-petal,” was the last thing that she had said, but when David spoke she
-looked up, a little startled.
-
-He was lying full length on a narrow ledge just above her, with his cap
-over his eyes to shield them from the sun, which was very bright.
-
-“How did you do it, Elizabeth?” said David Blake.
-
-Elizabeth hesitated. She could not see his face.
-
-“What do you mean?”
-
-“How did you do it? Was it hypnotism?”
-
-“Oh, no—” There was real horror in her voice.
-
-“It must have been.”
-
-She was silent for a moment. Then she said:
-
-“Do you remember how interested we used to be in hypnotism, David?”
-
-“Yes, that’s partly what made me think of it.”
-
-“We read everything we could lay hands on—all the books on psychic
-phenomena—Charcot’s experiments—everything. And do you remember the
-conclusion we came to?”
-
-“What was it?”
-
-“I don’t think you’ve forgotten. I can remember you stamping up and down
-my little room and saying, ‘It’s a _damnable_ thing, Elizabeth, a
-perfectly damnable thing. There’s _no_ end, absolutely none to the
-extent to which it undermines everything—I believe it is a much more
-real devil than any that the theologies produce.’ That’s what you said
-nine years ago, David, and I agreed with you. We used quite a lot of
-strong language between us, and I don’t feel called upon to retract any
-of it. Hypnotism _is_ a damnable thing.”
-
-David pushed the cap back from his eyes as Elizabeth spoke, and raised
-himself on his elbow, so that he could see her face.
-
-“There are degrees,” he said, “and it’s very hard to define. How would
-you define it?”
-
-“It’s not easy. ‘The unlawful influence of one mind over another’?”
-
-“That’s begging the question. At what point does it become
-unlawful?—that’s the crux.”
-
-“I suppose at the point when force of will overbears
-sense—reason—conscience. You may persuade a man to lend you money, but
-you mayn’t pick his pocket or hypnotise him.”
-
-David laughed.
-
-“How practical!”
-
-Then very suddenly:
-
-“So it wasn’t hypnotism. Are you _sure_?”
-
-“Yes, quite sure.”
-
-“But can you be sure? There’s such a thing as the unconscious exercise
-of will power.”
-
-Elizabeth shook her head.
-
-“There is nothing in the least unconscious in what I do. I know very
-well what I am about, and I know enough about hypnotism to know that it
-is not that. I don’t use my will at all.”
-
-“What do you do? How is it done?” His tone was interested.
-
-“I think,” said Elizabeth slowly, “that it is done by _realising_, by
-getting into touch with Reality. Things like sleeplessness, pain, and
-strain aren’t right—they aren’t normal. They are like bad dreams. If one
-wakes—if one sees the reality—the dream is gone.”
-
-She spoke as if she were struggling to find words for some idea which
-filled her mind, but was hard to put into a communicable shape.
-
-“It is life on the Fourth Dimension,” she said at last.
-
-“Yes,” said David, “go on.” There was a slightly quizzical look in his
-eyes, but he was interested. “What do you mean by the Fourth Dimension?”
-
-“We used to talk of that too, and lately I have thought about it a lot.”
-
-“Yes?”
-
-“It is so hard to put into words. Fourth Dimensional things won’t get
-into Third Dimensional words. One has to try and try, and then a little
-scrap of the meaning comes through. That is why there are so many
-creeds, so many sects. They are all an attempt to express—and one can’t
-really express the thing. I can’t say it, I can only feel it. It is
-limitless, and words are limited. There are no bounds or barriers. Take
-Thought, for instance—that is Fourth Dimensional—and Love. Religion is a
-purely Fourth Dimensional thing, and we all guess and translate as best
-we may. In all religions that have life, apprehension rises above the
-creed and reaches out to the Real—the untranslatable.”
-
-“Yes, that’s true; but go on—define the Fourth Dimension.”
-
-“I can see it, you know. It’s another plane. It is the plane which
-permeates and inter-penetrates all other planes—universal, eternal,
-unchanging. It’s like the Fire of God—searching all things. It is the
-plane of Reality. Nothing is real which is not universal and unchanging
-and eternal. If one can realise that plane, one is amongst the
-realities, and all that is unreal goes out. ‘There is no life but the
-Life of God, no consciousness but the Divine Consciousness.’ I think
-that is the best definition of all: ‘the Divine Consciousness.’”
-
-He did not know that she was quoting, and he did not answer her or speak
-at all for some time. But at last he said:
-
-“So I slept, because you saw me in the Divine Consciousness; is that
-it?”
-
-“Something like that.”
-
-“You didn’t will that I should sleep?”
-
-“Oh, no.”
-
-“Are you doing it still?”
-
-“Yes.”
-
-“Every night?”
-
-“Yes,” said Elizabeth again.
-
-David sat up. The mists in the valley beneath were golden, for the sun
-had dropped. As he looked, the gold turned grey, and the shadow of
-darkness to come rose out of the valley’s depths, though the hill-slope
-on which they sat was warm and sunny yet. David turned and saw that
-Elizabeth was watching him.
-
-“I want you to stop whatever it is you do,” he said abruptly.
-
-“Very well.”
-
-“I’m not as ungrateful as that sounds—” He broke off, and Elizabeth said
-quickly:
-
-“Oh, no.”
-
-“You don’t think it?”
-
-“Why should I? You are well again. You don’t need my help any more.”
-
-A shadow like the shadow of evening came over her as she spoke, but her
-smile betrayed nothing.
-
-They walked back to the hotel in silence.
-
-David had wondered if he would sleep. He slept all night, the sweet
-sound sleep of health and a mind unburdened.
-
-It was Elizabeth who did not sleep. She had walked with him through the
-valley of the shadow and he had come out of it a whole man again. Was
-she to cling to the shadow, because in the shadow David had clung to
-her? It came to that. She drove the thought home, and did not shirk the
-pain of it. They were come out into the light, and in the light he had
-no need of her. But this was not full daylight in which they walked—it
-was only the first chill grey of the dawn, and there is always a need of
-Love. Love needs must give, and giving, blesses and is blessed, for Love
-is of the realities—a thing immutable and all-pervading. No man can shut
-out Love.
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER XVII
- THE DREAM
-
-
- My hand has never touched your hand, I have not seen your face,
- No sound of any spoken word has passed between us two—
- Yet night by night I come to you in some unearthly place,
- And all my dreams of day and night are dreams of love and you.
-
- The moon has never shone on us together in our sleep,
- The sun has never seen us kiss beneath the arch of day,
- Your eyes have never looked in mine—your soul has looked so deep,
- That all the sundering veils of sense are drawn and done away.
-
- My lids are sealed with more than sleep, but I am lapped in light,
- Your soul draws near, and yet more near, till both our souls are
- one,
- In that strange place of our content is neither day nor night,
- No end and no beginning, whilst the timeless æons run.
-
-David came home after his month’s holiday as hard and healthy as a man
-may be. Elizabeth was well content. She and David were friends. He liked
-her company, he ate and slept, he was well, and he laughed sometimes as
-the old David had laughed.
-
-“Don’t you think your master looks well, Mrs. Havergill?” she said quite
-gaily.
-
-Mrs. Havergill sighed.
-
-“He do look well,” she admitted; “but there, ma’am, there’s no saying—it
-isn’t looks as we can go by. In my own family now, there was my sister
-Sarah. She was a fine, fresh-looking woman. Old Dr. Jones he met her out
-walking, as it might be on the Thursday.
-
-“‘Well, Miss Sarah, you _do_ look well,’ he says—and there, ’tweren’t
-but the following Tuesday as she was took. ‘Who’d ha’ thought it,’ he
-says. ‘In the midst of life we are in death,’ and that’s a true word.
-And my brother ’Enry now, ’e never look so well in all ’is life as when
-he was laying in ’is coffin.”
-
-Elizabeth could afford to laugh.
-
-“Oh, Mrs. Havergill, do be cheerful,” she implored; “it would be so much
-better for you.”
-
-Mrs. Havergill looked injured.
-
-“I don’t see as we’re sent into this world to be cheerful,” she said,
-with the air of one who reproves unchristian levity.
-
-“Oh, but we are—we really are,” said Elizabeth.
-
-Mrs. Havergill shook her head.
-
-“Let them be cheerful as has no troubles,” she remarked. “I’ve ’ad mine,
-and a-plenty,” and she went out of the room, sighing.
-
-Mary ran in to see her sister quite early on the morning after their
-return.
-
-“Well, Liz—no, let me _look_ at you—I’ll kiss you in a minute. Are you
-_happy_—you wrote dreadful guide-book letters, that I tore up and put in
-the fire.”
-
-“Oh, Molly.”
-
-“Yes, they were—exactly like Baedeker, only worse. All about mountains
-and flowers and the nice air, and ‘David is quite well again.’ As if
-_anyone_ wanted to hear about mountains and flowers from a person on her
-honeymoon. Are you _happy_, Liz?”
-
-“Don’t I look happy?” said Elizabeth laughing.
-
-“Yes, you do.” Mary looked at her considering. “You _do_. Is it all
-right, Liz, _really_ all right?”
-
-“Yes, it’s really all right, Molly,” said Elizabeth, and then she began
-to talk of other things.
-
-Mary kissed her very affectionately when she went away, but at the door
-she turned, frowning.
-
-“I expect you wrote _reams_ to Agneta,” she said, and then shut the door
-quickly before Elizabeth had time to answer.
-
-David was out when Mary came, and it so happened that for two or three
-days they did not meet. He had come to dread the meeting. His passion
-for Mary was dead. He was afraid lest her presence, her voice, should
-raise the dead and bring it forth again in its garment of glamour and
-pain. Then on Sunday he came in to find Mary sitting there with
-Elizabeth in the twilight. She jumped up as he came in, and held out her
-hand.
-
-“Well, David, you are a nice brother—never to have come and seen me.
-Busy? Yes, of course you’ve been busy, but you might have squeezed in a
-visit to me, amongst all the visits to sick old ladies and naughty
-little boys. Oh, _do_ you know, Katie Ellerton has gone away? She took
-Ronnie to Brighton for a change, and then wrote and said she wasn’t
-coming back. I believe she is going to live with a brother who is a
-solicitor down there. And she’s selling her furniture, so if you _want_
-extra things you might get them cheap.”
-
-“That’s Elizabeth’s department,” said David, laughing.
-
-“Well, this is for you both. When will you come to dinner? On Tuesday?
-Yes, do. Talk about being busy. Edward’s busy, if you like. I never see
-him, and he’s quite worried. Liz, you remember Jack Webster? Well, you
-know he’s on the West Coast, and he’s sent Edward a whole case of
-things—frightfully exciting specimens, two centipedes he’s wanted for
-ever so long, and a spider that Jack says is new. And Edward has never
-even had time to open the case. That shows you! It’s accounts, I
-believe. Edward does hate accounts.”
-
-When she had gone David sat silent for a long time. It was the old Mary,
-and prettier than ever. He had never seen her looking prettier, but his
-feeling for her was gone. He could look at her quite dispassionately,
-and wonder over the old unreasoning thrill. And what a chatterbox she
-was. Thank Heaven, she had had the sense to marry Edward, who was really
-not such a bad sort. Poor Edward. He laughed aloud suddenly, and
-Elizabeth looked up and asked:
-
-“What is it?”
-
-“Edward and the case he can’t open, and the centipedes he can’t play
-with,” he said, still laughing. “Poor old Edward! What it is to have a
-conscience. I wonder he doesn’t have a midnight orgy with the
-centipedes, but I suppose Mary sees to that.”
-
-It was that night that David dreamed his dream again. All these months
-it had never come to him. Amongst the many dreams that had haunted his
-sick brain, there had been no hint of this one. He had wondered about it
-sometimes. And now it returned. In the first deep sleep that comes to a
-healthy man he dreamed it.
-
-He heard the wind blowing—that was the beginning of it. It came from the
-far distances of space, and it passed on again to the far distances
-beyond. David heard it blow, but his eyes were darkened. Then suddenly
-he saw. His feet were on the shining sand, the sand that shone because a
-golden moon looked down upon it from a clear sky, and the tide had left
-it wet.
-
-David stood upon the shining sand, and saw the Woman of the Dream stand
-where the moon-track ceased at the sea’s rim. The moon was behind her
-head, and the wind blew out her hair. He stood as he had stood a hundred
-times, and as he had longed a hundred times to see the Woman’s face, so
-he longed now. He moved to go to her, and the wind blew about him in his
-dream.
-
-Elizabeth had sat late in her room. There was a book in her hand, but
-after a time she did not read. The night was very warm. She got up and
-opened the window wide. The moon was low and nearly full, and a wind
-blew out of the west—such a warm wind, full of the scent of green,
-growing things. Elizabeth put out the light and stood by the window,
-drawing long breaths. It seemed as if the wind were blowing right
-through her. It beat upon her uncovered throat, and the touch of it was
-like something alive. It sang in her ears, and Elizabeth’s blood sang
-too.
-
-And then, quite suddenly, she heard a sound that stopped her heart. She
-heard the handle of the door between her room and David’s turn softly,
-and she heard a step upon the threshold. All her life was at her heart,
-waiting. She could neither move, nor speak, nor draw her breath. And the
-wind blew out her long white dress, and the wind blew out her hair. As
-in a trance between one world and the next, she heard a voice in the
-room. It was David’s voice, and yet not David’s voice, and it shook the
-very foundations of her being.
-
-“Turn round and let me see your face, Woman of my Dream,” said David
-Blake.
-
-Elizabeth stood quite still. Only her breath came again. The wind
-brought it back to her, and as she drew it in, the step came nearer and
-David said again:
-
-“Show me your face—your face; I have never seen your face.”
-
-She turned then, very slowly—in obedience to an effort, that left her
-drained of strength.
-
-David was standing in the middle of the room. His feet were bare, as he
-had risen from his bed, but his eyes were open, and they looked not at,
-but through Elizabeth, to the place where she walked in his dream.
-
-“Ah!” said David on a long, slow, sudden breath.
-
-He came nearer—nearer. Now he stood beside her, and the wind swept
-suddenly between them, and eddying, drove a great swathe of her
-unfastened hair across his breast. David put up his hand and touched the
-hair.
-
-“But I can’t see your face,” he said, in a strange, complaining note.
-“The moon shines on your hair, but not upon your face. Show me your
-face—your face——”
-
-She moved, and the moon shone on her. Her face was as white as ivory.
-Her eyes wide and dark—as dark as the darkening sky. They stood in
-silence, and the moon sank low.
-
-Then David put out his hands and touched her on the breast.
-
-“Now I have seen your face,” he said. “Now I am content because I have
-seen your face. I have gone hungry for the sight of it, and have gone
-thirsty for the love of you, and all the years I have never seen your
-face.”
-
-“And now——?”
-
-Elizabeth’s voice came in a whisper.
-
-“Now I am content.”
-
-“Why?”
-
-“Your face is the face of Love,” said David Blake.
-
-His hands still held her hair. They lay against her heart, and moved a
-little as she breathed.
-
-A sudden terror raised its head and peered at Elizabeth. Mary—oh, God—if
-he took her for Mary. The thought struck her as with a spear of ice. It
-burned as ice burns, and froze her as ice freezes. Her lips were stiff
-as she forced out the words:
-
-“Who am I? Say.”
-
-His hands were warm. He answered her at once.
-
-“We are in the Dream, you and I. You are the Woman of the Dream. Your
-face is the face of Love, and your hair—your floating hair—” He paused.
-
-“My hair—what colour is my hair?” whispered Elizabeth.
-
-“Your hair—” He lifted a strand of it. The wind played through it, and
-it brushed his cheek, then fell again upon her breast. His hand closed
-down upon it.
-
-“What colour is my hair?” said Elizabeth very quietly. Mary’s hair was
-dark. Even in the moonlight, Mary’s hair would be dark. If he said dark
-hair, dark like the night which would close upon them when that low moon
-was gone—what should she do—oh, God, what should she do?
-
-“Your hair is gold—moon gold, which is pale as a dream,” said David
-Blake. And a great shudder ran through Elizabeth from head to foot as
-the ice went from her heart.
-
-“Like moon gold,” repeated David, and his hands were warm against her
-breast.
-
-And then all at once they were in the dark together, for the moon went
-out suddenly like a blown candle. She had dropped into a bank of clouds
-that rose from the clouding west. The wind blew a little chill, and as
-suddenly as the light had gone, David, too, was gone. One moment, so
-near—touching her in the darkness—and the next, gone—gone noiselessly,
-leaving her shaking, quivering.
-
-When she could move, she lit a candle and looked in through the open
-door. David lay upon his side, with one hand under his cheek. He was
-sleeping like a child.
-
-Elizabeth shut the door.
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER XVIII
- THE FACE OF LOVE
-
-
- Where have I seen these tall black trees,
- Two and two and three—yes, seven,
- Standing all about in a ring,
- And pointing up to Heaven?
-
- Where have I seen this black, black pool,
- That never ruffles to any breath,
- But stares and stares at the empty sky,
- As silently as death?
-
- How did we come here, you and I,
- With the pool beneath, and the trees above?
- Oh, even in death or the dusk of a dream,
- You are heart of the heart of Love.
-
-Elizabeth was very pale when she came down the next day. As she dressed,
-she could hear David singing and whistling in his room. He went down the
-stairs like a schoolboy, and when she followed she found him opening his
-letters and whistling still.
-
-“Hullo!” he said. “Good-morning. You’re late, and I’ve only got half an
-hour to breakfast in. I’m starving, I don’t believe you gave me any
-dinner last night. I shall be late for lunch. Give me something cold
-when I come in, I’ve got a pretty full day——”
-
-Elizabeth wondered as she listened to him if it were she who had
-dreamed.
-
-That evening he looked up suddenly from his book and said:
-
-“Was the moon full last night?”
-
-“Not quite.”
-
-Elizabeth was startled. Did he, after all, remember anything?
-
-“When is it full?”
-
-“To-morrow, I think. Why?”
-
-Her breathing quickened a little as she asked the question.
-
-“Because I dreamed my dream again last night, and it generally comes
-when the moon is full,” he said.
-
-Elizabeth turned, as if to get more light upon her book. She could not
-sit and let him see her face.
-
-“Your dream——?”
-
-Her voice was low.
-
-“Yes.”
-
-He paused for so long that the silence seemed to close upon Elizabeth.
-Then he said thoughtfully:
-
-“Dreams are odd things. I’ve had this one off and on since I was a boy.
-And it’s always the same. But I have not had it for months. Then last
-night—” He broke off. “Do you know I’ve never told any one about it
-before—does it bore you?”
-
-“No,” said Elizabeth, and could not have said more to save her life.
-
-“It’s a queer dream, and it never varies. There’s always the same long,
-wet stretch of sand, and the moon shining over the sea. And a woman——”
-
-“Yes——”
-
-“She stands at the edge of the sea with the moon behind her, and the
-wind—did I tell you about the wind?—it blows her hair and her dress. And
-I have never seen her face.”
-
-“No?”
-
-“No, never. I’ve always wanted to, but I can never get near enough, and
-the moon is behind her. When I was a boy, I used to walk in my sleep
-when I had the dream. I used to wake up in all sorts of odd places. Once
-I got as far as the front-door step, and waked with my feet on the wet
-stones. I suppose I was looking for the Woman.”
-
-Elizabeth took a grip of herself.
-
-“Do you walk in your sleep now?”
-
-He shook his head.
-
-“Oh, no. Not since I was a boy,” he said cheerfully. “Mrs. Havergill
-would have evolved a ghost story long ago if I had.”
-
-“And last night your dream was just the same?”
-
-“Yes, just the same. It always ends just when it might get exciting.”
-
-“Did you wake?”
-
-“No. That’s the odd part. One is supposed to dream only when one is
-waking, and of course it’s very hard to tell, but my impression is, that
-at the point where my dream ends I drop more deeply asleep. Dreams are
-queer things. I don’t know why I told you about this one.”
-
-He took up his book as he spoke, and they talked no more.
-
- * * * * * * * *
-
-Elizabeth went to her room early that night, but she did not get into
-bed. She moved about the room, hanging up the dress she had worn,
-folding her things—even sorting out a drawer full of odds and ends. It
-seemed as if she must occupy herself.
-
-Presently she heard David come up and go into his room. She went on
-rolling up stray bits of lace and ribbon with fingers that seemed oddly
-numb. When she had finished, she began to brush her hair, standing
-before the glass, and brushing with a long, rhythmic movement. After
-about ten minutes she turned suddenly and blew out the candle. She went
-to the window and opened it wide.
-
-Then, because she was trembling, she sat down on the window-seat and
-waited. The night came into the room and filled it. The trees moved
-above the water. The rumble of traffic in the High Street sounded very
-far away. It had nothing to do with the world in which Elizabeth waited.
-There was no wind to-night. It was very still and warm. The moon shone.
-
-When the door opened, Elizabeth knew that she had known that he would
-come. He crossed the room and took her in his arms. She felt his arms
-about her, she felt his kiss, and there was nothing of the unsubstantial
-stuff of dreams in his strong clasp. For one moment, as her lips kissed
-too, she thought that he was awake—that he had remembered, but as she
-stepped back and looked into his face she saw that he was in his dream.
-His eyes looked far away. Then he kissed her again, and dreaming or
-waking her soul went out of her and was his soul, her very consciousness
-was no more hers, but his, and she, too, saw that strange, moon-guarded
-shore, and she, too, heard the wind. But the night—the night was still.
-Where did it come from, this sudden rush of the wind, that seemed to
-blow through her? From far away it came, from very far away, and it
-passed through her and on to its own far place again, a rushing eddy of
-wind, whirling about some unknown centre.
-
-Elizabeth was giddy and faint with the singing of that wind in her ears.
-The moon was in her eyes. She trembled, and hid them upon David’s
-breast.
-
-“David,” she whispered at last, and he answered her.
-
-“Love—love——”
-
-She turned a little from the light and looked at him. There was a smile
-upon his face, and his eyes smiled too.
-
-“Where are we?” she said. And David laid his face against hers and said:
-
-“We are in the Dream.”
-
-“David, what is the Dream? Do you know? Tell me.”
-
-“It is the Dream,” he said, “the old dream, the dream that has no
-waking.”
-
-“And who am I? Am I Elizabeth?” She feared so much to say it, and could
-not rest till it was said.
-
-“Elizabeth.” He repeated the word, and paused. His eyes clouded.
-
-“You are the Woman of the Dream.”
-
-“But I have a name——”
-
-“Yes—you have a name, but I have forgotten—if I could remember it. It is
-the name—the old name—the name you had before the moon went down. It was
-at night. You kissed me. There were so many trees. I knew your name.
-Then the moon went down, and it was dark, and I forgot—not you—only the
-name. Are you angry, love, because I have forgotten your name?”
-
-There was trouble in his tone.
-
-“No, not angry,” said Elizabeth, with a quiver in her voice. “Will you
-call me Elizabeth, David? Will you say Elizabeth to me?”
-
-He said “Elizabeth,” and as he said it his face changed. For a moment
-she thought that he was waking. His arms dropped from about her, and he
-drew a long, deep breath that was like a sigh.
-
-Then he went slowly from her into the darkness of his own room, walking
-as if he saw.
-
-Elizabeth fell on her knees by the window-seat and hid her face. The
-wind still sang in her ears.
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER XIX
- THE FULL MOON
-
-
- The sun was cold, the dark dead Moon
- Hung low behind dull leaden bars,
- And you came barefoot down the sky
- Between the grey unlighted Stars.
-
- You laid your hand upon my soul,
- My soul that cried to you for rest,
- And all the light of the lost Sun
- Was in the comfort of your breast.
-
- There was no veil upon your heart,
- There was no veil upon your eyes;
- I did not know the Stars were dim,
- Nor long for that dead Moon to rise.
-
-They dined with Edward and Mary next day.
-
-The centipedes were still immured, and Edward made tentative overtures
-to David on the subject of broaching the case after dinner.
-
-“Edward is the soul of hospitality,” David said afterwards. “He keeps
-his best to the end. First, a positively good dinner, then some
-comparatively enjoyable music, and, last of all, the superlatively
-enthralling centipedes.”
-
-At the time, he complied with a very good grace. He even contrived a
-respectable degree of enthusiasm when the subject came up.
-
-It was Mary who insisted on the comparatively agreeable music.
-
-“No—I will not have you two going off by yourselves the moment you’ve
-swallowed your dinner. It’s not _good_ for people. Edward will certainly
-have indigestion—yes, Edward, you know you will. Come and have coffee
-with us in a proper and decent fashion, and we’ll have some music, and
-then you shall do anything you like, and I’ll talk to Elizabeth.”
-
-Edward sang only one song, and then said that he was hoarse, which was
-not true. But Elizabeth was glad when the door closed upon him and
-David, for the song Edward had sung was the one thing on earth which she
-felt least able to hear. He sang, _O Moon of my Delight_, transposed by
-Mary to suit his voice, and he sang it with his usual tuneful
-correctness.
-
-Elizabeth looked up only once, and that was just at the end. David was
-looking at her with a frown of perplexity. But as Edward remarked that
-he was hoarse, David passed his hand across his eyes for a moment, as if
-to brush something away, and rose with alacrity to leave the room.
-
-When they were gone Mary drew a chair close to her sister and sat down.
-She was rather silent for a time, and Elizabeth was beginning to find it
-hard to keep her own thoughts at bay, when Mary said in a new, gentle
-voice:
-
-“Liz, I’m so _happy_.”
-
-“Are you, Molly?” She spoke rather absently, and Mary became softly
-offended.
-
-“Don’t you want to know why, Liz? I don’t believe you care a bit. I
-don’t believe you’d mind if I were ever so miserable, now that you’ve
-got David, and are happy yourself!”
-
-Elizabeth came back to her surroundings.
-
-“Oh, Molly, what a goose you are, and what a monster you make me out.
-What is it, Mollykins, tell me?”
-
-“I’ve a great mind not to. I don’t believe you really care. I wouldn’t
-tell you a word, only I can’t help it. Oh, Liz, I’m going to have a
-baby, and I thought I never should. I was making myself _wretched_ about
-it.”
-
-She caught Elizabeth’s hand and squeezed it.
-
-“Oh, Liz, be glad for me. I’m so glad and happy, and I want some one to
-be glad too. You don’t know how I’ve wanted it. No one knows. I’ve
-simply hated all the people in the _Morning Post_ who had babies. I’ve
-not even read the first column for weeks, and when Sybil Delamere sent
-me an invitation to her baby’s christening—she was married the same day
-I was, you know—I just tore it up and _burnt_ it. And now it’s really
-coming to me, and you’re to be glad for me, Liz.”
-
-“Molly, darling, I _am_ glad—so glad.”
-
-“Really?”
-
-Mary looked up into her sister’s face, searchingly.
-
-“You’re thinking of me, _really_ of me—not about David, as you were just
-now? Oh, yes, I knew.”
-
-Elizabeth laughed.
-
-“Really, Molly, mayn’t I think of my own husband?”
-
-“Not when I’m telling you about a thing like this,” said Mary. “Liz, you
-are the first person I have told, the _very_ first.”
-
-Elizabeth did not allow her thoughts to wander again. As they talked,
-the rain beat heavily against the windows, and they heard the rush of it
-in the gutters below.
-
-“What a pity,” Mary cried. “How quickly it has come up, and last night
-was so lovely. Did you see the moon? And to-night it is full.”
-
-“Yes, to-night it is full,” said Elizabeth.
-
-Edward and Mary came down to see their guests off. Edward shut the door
-behind them.
-
-“What a night!” he exclaimed. But Mary came close and whispered:
-
-“I’ve told her.”
-
-“Have you?”
-
-Edward’s tone was just the least shade perfunctory. He slid home the
-bolt of the door and turning, caught Mary in his arms and hugged her.
-
-“O Mary, _darling_!”
-
-Mary glowed, responsive.
-
-“O Mary, darling, it really _is_ a new spider,” he cried.
-
-David and Elizabeth walked home in a steady downpour. Mary had lent her
-overshoes, and she had tucked up her dress under a mackintosh of
-Edward’s. There was much merriment over their departure with a large
-umbrella between them, but as they walked home, they both grew silent.
-Elizabeth said good-night in the hall, and ran up to her room. To-night
-he would not come. Oh, to-night she felt quite sure that he would not
-come. It was dark. She heard the rain falling into the river, and she
-could just see how the trees bent in the rush of it. And yet she sat for
-an hour, by her window, in the dark, waiting breathlessly for that which
-would not happen.
-
-The time went slowly by. The rain fell, and it was cold. Elizabeth lay
-down in the great square bed, and presently she slept, lulled by the
-steady dropping of the rain. She slept, and in her sleep she dreamed
-that she was sinking fathoms deep in a stormy, angry sea. Far overhead,
-she could hear the clash of the waves, and the long, long sullen roar of
-the swelling storm. And she went down and down into a black darkness
-that was deeper than any night—down, till she lost the roar of the storm
-above, down until all sound was gone, and she was alone in a black
-silence that would never lift or break again. Her soul was cold and
-blind, and most unendurably alone. Then something touched her, something
-that was warm. There came upon her that strange sense of home-coming,
-which comes to us in dreams, when love comes back to us across the
-sundering years, and all the pains of life, the pains of death, vanish
-and are gone, and we are come home—home to the place where we would be.
-
-In her dream Elizabeth was come home. It was so long, so long, that she
-had wandered—so many years, so many lands—such weary feet and such a
-weary way. Now she was come home.
-
-She stirred and opened her eyes. The rain had ceased. The room was dark,
-but the moon shone, for a single shaft struck between the curtains and
-lay above the bed like a silver feather dropped from some great passing
-wing.
-
-Elizabeth was awake. She saw these things. She was come home. David’s
-arms were about her in the darkness.
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER XX
- THE WOMAN OF THE DREAM
-
-
- Oh, was it in the dead of night,
- Or in the dark before the day,
- You came to me and kneeling, knew
- The thing that I would never say?
-
- There was no star, nor any moon,
- There was no light from pole to pole,
- And yet you saw the secret thing,
- That I had hid within my soul.
-
- You saw the secret and the shrine,
- You bowed your head and went your way—
- Oh, was it in the dead of night,
- Or in the dark that brings the day?
-
-For the next fortnight Elizabeth lived in a dream from which she
-scarcely woke by day. The dream life—the dream love—the dream
-itself—these became her life. In the moments that came nearest the
-waking she trembled, because if the dream was her life, the waking would
-be death. But for the rest of the time she walked in a trance. Earth
-budded, and the birds built nests. The green of woodland places went
-down under a flood of bluebells. The children made cowslip balls. All
-day long the sun shone out of a blue sky, and at night David came to
-her. Always he came at night, and went away in the dawn. And he
-remembered nothing.
-
-Once she put her face to his in the darkness, and said:
-
-“Oh, David, won’t you remember—won’t you ever remember? Am I only the
-Woman of the Dream? When will you remember?”
-
-Then David was troubled in his dream, and stirred and went from her an
-hour before the time of his going.
-
-Towards the end of the fortnight her trance wore thin. It was then that
-everything she saw or read seemed to press in upon one sore spot. If she
-went to the Mottisfonts’, there was Mary with her talk of Edward and the
-baby. Edward!—Elizabeth could have laughed; but the laughter went too.
-If there were not much of Edward, at least Mary had all that there was.
-And the child—did not she, too, desire children? But the child of a
-dream. How could she give to David the child of a dream already
-forgotten? If she walked, there were lovers in every lane, young lovers,
-who loved each other by day and in the eye of the sun. If she took up a
-book—once what she read was:
-
- Come to me in my dreams, and then
- By day I shall be well again!
- For then the night will more than pay
- The hopeless longing of the day.
-
-and another time, Kingsley’s _Dolcino to Margaret_. Then came a day when
-she opened her Bible and read:
-
-“If a man walk in the night, he stumbleth, because there is no light in
-him.”
-
-That day she came broad awake. The daze passed from her. Her brain was
-clear, and her conscience—the inner vision rose before her, showing her
-an image troubled and confused. What had she done? And what was she
-doing now? Day by day David looked at her with the eyes of a friend, and
-night by night he came to her, the lover of a dream. Which was the
-reality? Which was the real David? If the David of the dream were real,
-conscious in sleep of some mysterious oneness, the sense of which was
-lost in the glare of day—then she could wait, and bear, and hope, till
-the realisation was so strong that the sun might shine upon it and show
-to David awake what the sleeping David knew.
-
-But if the David of the dream were not the real David, then what was
-she? Mistress and no wife—the mistress of a dream mood that never
-touched Reality at all.
-
-Two scalding tears in Elizabeth’s eyes—two and no more. The others
-burned her heart.
-
-And the thought stayed with her.
-
-That evening after dinner Elizabeth looked up from her embroidery. The
-silence had grown to be too full of thoughts. She could not bear it.
-
-“What are you reading, David?” she asked.
-
-He laughed and said:
-
-“Sentimental poetry, ma’am. Would you have suspected me of it? I find it
-very soothing.”
-
-“Do you?”
-
-She paused, and then said with a flutter in her throat:
-
-“Do you ever write poetry now, David? You used to.”
-
-“Yes, I remember boring you with it.”
-
-He coloured a little as he spoke.
-
-“But since then?”
-
-“Oh, yes——”
-
-“Show me some——”
-
-“Not for the world.”
-
-“Why not?”
-
-“Poetry is such an awful give away. How any one ever dares to publish
-any, I don’t know. I suppose they get hardened. But one’s most private
-letters aren’t a patch on it. One puts down all one’s grumbles, one’s
-moonstruck fancies, the ravings of one’s inanest moments. Mine are not
-for circulation, thanks.”
-
-Elizabeth did not laugh. Instead she said, quite seriously,
-
-“David, I wish you would show me some of it.”
-
-He looked rather surprised, but got up, and presently came back with
-some papers in his hand, and threw them into her lap.
-
-“There. There’s one there that’s rather odd. It’s rotten poetry, but it
-gave me the oddest feelings when I wrote it. See if it does the same to
-you,” and he laughed.
-
-There were three poems in Elizabeth’s lap. The first was a vigorous bit
-of work—a ballad with a good ballad swing to it. Elizabeth read it and
-applauded.
-
-“This is much better than your old things,” she said, and he was
-manifestly pleased.
-
-The next was a set of clever verses on a political topic of passing
-interest. Elizabeth laughed over it and laid it aside. Her thoughts were
-pleasantly diverted. Anything was welcome that brought her nearer to the
-David of the day.
-
-She took up the third poem. It was called:
-
-
- Egypt
-
- Egypt sands are burning hot.
- Burning hot and dry,
- How they scorched us as we worked,
- Toiling, you and I,
- When we built the Pyramid in Egypt.
-
- Heaven like hammered brass above,
- Earth like brass below,
- How the sweat of torment ran,
- All those years ago,
- When we built the Pyramid in Egypt.
-
- When the dreadful day was done,
- Night was like your eyes,
- Sweet and cool and comforting—
- We were very wise,
- When we built the Pyramid in Egypt.
-
- We were very wise, my dear,
- Children, lovers, gods,
- Where’s the wisdom that we knew,
- With our world at odds,
- When we built the Pyramid in Egypt?
-
- Now your hand is strange to mine,
- Now you heed me not,
- Life and death and love and pain,
- You have quite forgot,
- You have quite forgotten me and Egypt.
-
- I would bear it all again,
- Just to take your hand,
- Bend my body to the whip,
- Tread the burning sand,
- Build another Pyramid in Egypt.
-
- Toiling, toiling, all the day,
- Loving you by night,
- I’d go back three thousand years
- If I only might,—
- Back to toil and pain and you and Egypt.
-
-When she looked up at the end, David spoke at once.
-
-“Well,” he said, “what does it say to you?”
-
-“I don’t quite know.”
-
-“It set up one of those curious thought-waves. One seems to remember
-something out of an extraordinarily distant past. Have you ever felt it?
-I believe most people have. There are all sorts of theories to account
-for it. The two sides of the brain working unequally, and several
-others. But the impression is common enough, and the theories have been
-made to fit it. Of course the one that fits most happily is the
-hopelessly unscientific one of reincarnation. Well, my thought-wave took
-me back to Egypt and——”
-
-He hesitated.
-
-“Tell me.”
-
-Elizabeth’s voice was eager.
-
-“Oh, nothing.”
-
-“Yes, tell me.”
-
-He laughed at her earnestness.
-
-“Well, then—I saw the woman’s eyes.”
-
-“Yes.”
-
-“They were grey. That’s all. And I thought it odd.”
-
-He broke off, and Elizabeth asked no more. She knew very well why he had
-thought it odd that the woman’s eyes should be grey. The poems were
-dated, and _Egypt_ bore the date of a year ago. He was in love with Mary
-then, and Mary’s eyes were dark—dark hazel eyes.
-
-That night she woke from a dream of Mary, and heard David whispering a
-name in his sleep, but she could not catch the name. The old shamed
-dread and horror came upon her, strong and unbroken. She slipped from
-bed, and stood by the window, panting for breath. And out of the
-darkness David called to her:
-
-“Love, where are you gone to?”
-
-If he would say her name—if he would only say her name. She had no words
-to answer him, but she heard him rise and come to her.
-
-“Why did you go away?” he said, touching her. And as she had done once
-before, Elizabeth cried out.
-
-“Who am I, David?—tell me! Am I Mary?”
-
-He repeated the name slowly, and each repetition was a wound.
-
-“Mary,” he said, wonderingly, “there is no Mary in the Dream. There are
-only you and I—and you are Love——”
-
-“And if I went out of the Dream?” said Elizabeth, leaning against his
-breast. The comfort of his touch stole back into her heart. Her
-breathing steadied.
-
-“Then I would come and find you,” said David Blake.
-
-It was the next day that Agneta’s letter came. Elizabeth opened it at
-breakfast and exclaimed.
-
-“What is it?”
-
-She lifted a face of distress.
-
-“David, should you mind if I were to go away for a little? Agneta wants
-me.”
-
-“Agneta?”
-
-“Yes, Agneta Mainwaring. You remember, I used to go and stay with the
-Mainwarings in Devonshire.”
-
-“Yes, I remember. What’s the matter with her?”
-
-“She is engaged to Douglas Strange, the explorer, and there are—rumours
-that his whole party has been massacred. He was working across Africa.
-She wants me to come to her. I think I must. You don’t mind, do you?”
-
-“No, of course not. When do you want to go?”
-
-“I should like to go to-day. I could send her a wire,” said Elizabeth.
-“I hope it’s only a rumour, and not true, but I must go.”
-
-David nodded.
-
-“Don’t take it too much to heart, that’s all,” he said.
-
-He said good-bye to her before he went out, told her to take care of
-herself, asked her to write, and inquired if she wanted any money.
-
-When he had gone, Elizabeth told herself that this was the end of the
-Dream. She could drift no more with the tide of that moon-watched sea.
-She must think things out and come to some decision. Hitherto, if she
-thought by day, the night with its glamour threw over her thoughts a
-rainbow mist that hid and confused them. Now Agneta needed her, there
-would be work for her to do. And she would not see David again until she
-could look her conscience in the face.
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER XXI
- ELIZABETH BLAKE
-
-
- Oh, that I had wings, yea wings like a dove,
- Then would I flee away and be at rest;
- Lo, the dove hath wings because she is a dove,
- God gave her wings and bade her build her nest.
- Thy wings are stronger far, strong wings of love,
- Thy home is sure in His unchanging rest.
-
-Elizabeth went up to London by the 12.22, which is a fast train, and
-only stops once.
-
-She found Agneta, worn, tired, and cross.
-
-“Thank Heaven, you’ve come, Lizabeth,” she said. “All my relations have
-been to see me. They are so kind. They are so _dreadfully_ kind, and
-they all talk about its being God’s Will, and tell me what a beautiful
-thing resignation is. If I believed in a God who arranged for people to
-murder each other in order to give some one else a moral lesson, I’d
-shoot myself. I really would. And resignation is a perfectly horrible
-thing. I do think I must be getting a little better than I used to be,
-because I wasn’t even rude to Aunt Henrietta, who told me I ought not to
-repine, because all was for the best. She said there were many trials in
-the married state, and that those who did not marry were spared the
-sorrow of losing a child or having an unfaithful husband. I really
-wasn’t rude to her, Lizabeth—I swear I wasn’t. But when I saw my cousin,
-Mabel Aston, coming up the street—you always can see her a mile off—I
-told Jane to say that I was very sorry, but I really couldn’t see any
-one. Mabel won’t ever forgive me, because all the other relations will
-tell her that I saw them. I told them every one that I was perfectly
-certain that Douglas was all right. And so I am. Yes, really. But, oh,
-Lizabeth, how I do hate the newspapers.”
-
-“I shouldn’t read them,” said Elizabeth.
-
-“I don’t! Nothing would induce me to. But I can’t stop my relations from
-quoting reams of them, verbatim. By the by, do you mind dining at seven
-to-night? I want to go to church. I don’t want you or Louis to come.
-Heavens, Lizabeth, you’ve no idea what a relief it is not to have to be
-polite, and say you want people when you don’t.”
-
-When Agneta had gone out Elizabeth talked to Louis for a little, and
-then read. Presently she stopped reading and leaned back with closed
-eyes, thinking first of Agneta, then of herself and David. Louis’s voice
-broke in upon her thoughts.
-
-“Lizabeth, what _is_ it?”
-
-She was startled.
-
-“Oh, I was just thinking.”
-
-He frowned.
-
-“What is the good?” he said. “I told you I could see. You’re troubled,
-horribly troubled about something. And it’s not Agneta. What is it?”
-
-Elizabeth was rather pale.
-
-“Oh, Louis,” she said, “please don’t. I’d rather you didn’t. And it’s
-not what you think. It’s not really a trouble. I’m puzzled. I don’t know
-what to do. There’s something I have to think out. And it’s not clear—I
-can’t quite see——”
-
-Louis regarded her seriously.
-
-“If any man lack wisdom,” he said. “That’s a pretty good thing in the
-pike-staff line. Good Lord, fancy me preaching to you. It’s amusing,
-isn’t it?”
-
-He laughed a little.
-
-Elizabeth nodded.
-
-“You can go on,” she said.
-
-He considered.
-
-“I don’t know that I’ve got anything more to say except that—things that
-puzzle one—there’s always the touchstone of reality. And things one
-doesn’t want to do because they’re difficult, or because they hurt, or
-because they take us away from something we’ve set our heart on—well—if
-they’re right, they’re right, and there’s an end of it. And the right
-thing, well, it’s the best thing all round. And when we get where we can
-see it properly, it’s—well, it’s trumps all right.”
-
-Elizabeth nodded again.
-
-“Thank you, Louis,” she said. “I’ve been shirking. I think I’ve really
-known it all along. Only when one shirks, it’s part of it to wrap
-oneself up in a sort of mist, and call everything by a wrong name. I’ve
-got to change my labels....”
-
-Her voice died away, and they sat silent until Agneta’s key was heard in
-the latch. She came in looking rested.
-
-“Nice church?” said Elizabeth.
-
-“Yes,” said Agneta, “very nice. I feel better.”
-
-During the week that followed, Elizabeth had very little time to spare
-for her own concerns, and Agneta clung to her and clung to hope, and day
-by day the hope grew fainter. It was the half-hours when they waited for
-the telephone bell to ring that brought the grey threads into Agneta’s
-hair. Twice daily Louis rang up, and each time, after the same agonising
-suspense, came the same message, “No news yet.” Towards the end of the
-week, there was a wire to say that a rumour had reached the coast that
-Mr. Strange was alive and on his way down the river.
-
-It was then that Agneta broke down. Whilst all had despaired, she had
-held desperately to hope, but when Louis followed his message home, he
-found Agneta with her head in Elizabeth’s lap, weeping slow, hopeless
-tears.
-
-Then, forty-eight hours later, Douglas Strange himself cabled in code to
-say that he had abandoned part of his journey owing to a native rising,
-and was returning at once to England.
-
-“And now, Lizabeth,” said Agneta, “now your visit begins, please. This
-hasn’t been a visit, it has been purgatory. I’m sure we’ve both expiated
-all the sins we’ve ever committed or are likely to commit. Louis, take
-the receiver off that brute of a telephone. I shall _never, never_ hear
-a telephone bell again without wanting to scream. Lizabeth, let’s go to
-a music hall.”
-
-Next day Agneta said suddenly:
-
-“Lizabeth, what is it?”
-
-“What is what?”
-
-Agneta’s little dark face became serious.
-
-“Lizabeth, I’ve been a beast. I’ve only been thinking about myself. Now
-it’s your turn. What’s the matter?”
-
-Elizabeth was silent.
-
-“Mayn’t I ask? Do you mind?”
-
-Elizabeth shook her head.
-
-“Which is the ‘no’ for?”
-
-“Both,” said Elizabeth.
-
-“I mustn’t ask then. You’d rather not talk about it? Really?”
-
-“Yes, really, Neta, dear.”
-
-“Right you are.”
-
-Agneta was silent for a few minutes. They were sitting together in the
-firelight, and she watched the play of light and shade upon Elizabeth’s
-face. It was beautiful, but troubled.
-
-“Lizabeth, you used not to be beautiful, but you are beautiful now,” she
-said suddenly.
-
-“Am I?”
-
-“Yes, I always loved your face, but it wasn’t really beautiful. Now I
-think it is.”
-
-“Anything else?” Elizabeth laughed a little.
-
-“Yes, the patient look has gone. You used to look so patient that it
-_hurt_. As if you were carrying a heavy load and just knew you had got
-to carry it without making any fuss.”
-
-“Issachar, in fact——”
-
-“No, not then, but I’m not so sure now. I _think_ there _are_ two
-burdens now.”
-
-Elizabeth laid her hand on Agneta’s lips.
-
-“Agneta, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Stop thought-reading this
-very minute. I never gave you leave.”
-
-“Sorry.” Agneta kissed the hand against her lips and laid it back in
-Elizabeth’s lap. “Oh, Lizabeth, _why_ didn’t you marry Louis?” she said,
-and Elizabeth saw that her eyes were full of tears. The firelight danced
-on a brilliant, falling drop.
-
-“Because I love David,” said Elizabeth. “And love is worth while,
-Agneta. It is very well worth while. You knew it was when you thought
-that Douglas was dead. Would you have gone back to a year ago?”
-
-“Ah, Lizabeth, don’t,” said Agneta.
-
-She leaned her head against Elizabeth’s knee and was still.
-
-All that week, Elizabeth slept little and thought much. And her thought
-was prayer. She did not kneel when she prayed, and she had her own idea
-of what prayer should be. Not petition. The Kingdom of Heaven is about
-us. We have but to open our eyes and take what is our own. Therefore not
-petition. What Elizabeth called prayer was far more like taking
-something out of the darkness, to look at it in the light. And before
-the light, all things evil, all things that were not good and not of
-God, vanished and were not. If thine eye be single, thy whole body shall
-be full of light. In this manner, David’s sleeplessness had been changed
-to rest and healing, and in this same manner, Elizabeth now knew that
-she must test the strange dream-state in which David loved her. And in
-her heart of hearts she did not think that it would stand the test. She
-believed that, subjected to this form of prayer, the dream would vanish
-and she be left alone.
-
-She faced the probability, and facing it, she prayed for light, for
-wisdom, for the Reality that annihilates the shadows of man’s thought.
-When she used words at all, they were the words of St. Patrick’s prayer:
-
- I bind to myself to-day,
- The Power of God to protect me,
- The Might of God to uphold me,
- The Wisdom of God to guide me,
- The Light of God to shine upon me,
- The Love of God to encompass me.
-
-During these days Agneta looked at her anxiously, but she asked no
-questions at all, and Elizabeth loved her for it.
-
-Elizabeth went home on the 15th of June. After hard struggle, she had
-come into a place of clear vision. If the dream stood the test, if in
-spite of all her strivings towards Truth, David still came to her, she
-would take the dream to be an earnest of some future waking. If the
-dream ceased, if David came no more, then she must cast her bread of
-love upon the waters of the Infinite, God only knowing, if after many
-days, she should be fed.
-
-David was very much pleased to have her back. He told her so with a
-laugh—confessed that he had missed her.
-
-When Elizabeth went to her room that night, she sat down on the
-window-seat and watched. It had rained, but the night was clear again.
-She looked from the window, and the midsummer beauty slid into her soul.
-The rain had washed the sky to an unearthly translucent purity, but out
-of the west streamed a radiance of turquoise light. It filled the night,
-and as it mounted towards the zenith, the throbbing colour passed by
-imperceptible degrees into a sapphire haze. The horizon was a ghostly
-line of far, pure emerald. This transfiguring glow had all the sunset’s
-fire, only there was neither red nor gold in it. The ether itself
-flamed, and the colour of that flame was blue. It was the light of
-vision, the very light of a Midsummer’s Dream. The cloud that had shed
-the rain brooded apart with wings of folded gloom. Two or three drifting
-feathers of dark grey vapour barred the burning blue. Perishably fine,
-they dissolved against the glow, and one amazing star showed translucent
-at the vapour’s edge, now veiled, now blazing out as the mist wavered
-and withdrew from so much brightness. A night for love, a night for
-lovers’ dreams.
-
-Yearning came upon Elizabeth like a flood. Just once more to see him
-look at her with love. Just once more—once more, to feel his arms, his
-kiss—to weep upon his breast and say farewell.
-
-She put her hand out waveringly until it touched the wall. She shut her
-eyes against the beauty of the night, and strove with the longing that
-rent her. Her lips framed broken words. She said them over and over
-again until the tumult died in her, and she was mistress of her
-thoughts. Immortal love could never lose by Truth.
-
-Now she could look again upon the night. The trees were very black. The
-wind stirred them. The sky was full of light made mystical. Which of the
-temples that man has built, has light for its walls, and cloud and fire
-for its pillars? In which of them has the sun his tabernacle, through
-which of them does the moon pass, by a path of silver adoration? What
-altar is served by the rushing winds and lighted by the stars? In all
-the temples that man has made, man bows his head and worships, but in
-the Temple of the Universe it is the Heavens themselves that declare the
-Glory of God.
-
-Elizabeth’s thought rose up and up. In the divine peace it rested and
-was stilled.
-
-And David did not come.
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER XXII
- AFTER THE DREAM
-
-
- In Him we live, He is our Source, our Spring,
- And we, His fashioning,
- We have no sight except by His foreseeing,
- In Him we live and move and have our being,
- He spake the Word, and lo! Creation stood,
- And God said, It is good.
-
-David came no more. The dream was done. During the summer days there
-rang continually in Elizabeth’s ears the words of a song—one of
-Christina’s wonderful songs that sing themselves with no other music at
-all.
-
- The hope I dreamed of was a dream,
- Was but a dream, and now I wake
- Exceeding comfortless, and worn, and old,
- For a dream’s sake.
-
-“Exceeding comfortless.” Yes, there were hours when that was true. She
-had taken her heart and broken it for Truth’s sake, and the broken thing
-cried aloud of its hurt. Only by much striving could she still it and
-find peace.
-
-The glamour of the June days was gone too. July was a wet and stormy
-month, and Elizabeth was thankful for the rain and the cold, at which
-all the world was grumbling.
-
-Mary came in one July day with a face that matched the weather.
-
-“Why, Molly,” said Elizabeth, kissing her, “what’s the matter, child?”
-
-Mary might have asked the same question, but she was a great deal too
-much taken up with her own affairs.
-
-“Edward and I have quarrelled,” she said with a sob in the words, and
-sitting down, she burst into uncontrollable tears.
-
-“But what is it all about?” asked Elizabeth, with her arm around her
-sister. “Molly, do hush. It is so bad for you. What has Edward done?”
-
-“Men are brutes,” declared Mary.
-
-“Now, I’m sure Edward isn’t,” returned Elizabeth, with real conviction.
-
-Mary sat up.
-
-“He is,” she declared. “No, Liz, just listen. It was all over baby’s
-name.”
-
-“What, already?”
-
-“Well, of course, one plans things. If one doesn’t, well, there was
-Dorothy Jackson—don’t you remember? She was very ill, and the baby had
-to be christened in a hurry, because they didn’t think it was going to
-live. And nobody thought the name mattered, so the clergyman just gave
-it the first name that came into his head, and the baby didn’t die after
-all, and when Dorothy found she’d got to go through life with a daughter
-called Harriet, she very nearly died all over again. So, you see, one
-has to think of things. So I had thought of a whole lot of names, and
-last night I said to Edward, ‘What shall we call it?’ and he looked
-awfully pleased and said, ‘What do you think?’ And I said, ‘What would
-you like best?’ And he said, ‘I’d like it to be called after you, Mary,
-darling. I got Jack Webster’s answer to-day, and he says I may call it
-anything I like.’ Well, of _course_, I didn’t see what it had to do with
-Jack Webster, but I thought Edward must have asked him to be godfather.
-I was rather put out. I didn’t think it quite _nice_, beforehand, you
-know.”
-
-The bright colour of indignation had come into Mary’s cheeks, and she
-spoke with great energy.
-
-“Of _course_, I just thought that, and then Edward said, ‘So it shall be
-called after you—Arachne Mariana.’ I thought what _hideous_ names, but
-all I said was, ‘Oh, darling, but I want a boy’; and do you know, Liz,
-Edward had been talking about a spider all the time—the spider that Jack
-Webster sent him. I don’t believe he cares nearly as much for the baby,
-I really don’t, and I wish I was _dead_.”
-
-Mary sobbed afresh, and it took Elizabeth a good deal of her time to
-pacify her.
-
-Mrs. Havergill brought in tea, it being Sarah’s afternoon out. When she
-was taking away the tea-things, after Mary had gone, she observed:
-
-“Mrs. Mottisfont, she do look pale, ma’am.”
-
-“Mrs. Mottisfont is going to have a baby,” said Elizabeth, smiling.
-
-Mrs. Havergill appeared to dismiss Mary’s baby with a slight wave of the
-hand.
-
-“I ’ad a cousin as ’ad twenty-three,” she observed in tones of lofty
-detachment.
-
-“Not all at once?” said Elizabeth faintly.
-
-Mrs. Havergill took no notice of this remark.
-
-“Yes, twenty-three, pore soul. And when she wasn’t ’aving of them, she
-was burying of them. Ten she buried, and thirteen she reared, and many’s
-the time I’ve ’eard ’er say, she didn’t know which was the most
-trouble.”
-
-She went out with the tray, and later, when Sarah had returned, she
-repeated Mrs. Blake’s information in tones of sarcasm.
-
-“‘There’s to be a baby at the Mottisfonts’,’ she says, as if I didn’t
-know that. And I says, ‘Yes, ma’am,’ and that’s all as passed.”
-
-Mrs. Havergill had a way of forgetting her own not inconsiderable
-contributions to a conversation.
-
-“‘Yes, ma’am,’ I says, expecting every moment as she’d up and say, ’and
-one ’ere, too, Mrs. Havergill,’ but no, not a blessed word, and me sure
-of it for weeks. But there—they’re all the same with the first, every
-one’s to be blind and deaf. All the same, Sarah, my girl, if she don’t
-want it talked about, she don’t, so just you mind and don’t talk, not if
-she don’t say nothing till the christening’s ordered.”
-
-When Elizabeth knew that she was going to have a child, her first
-thought was, “Now, I must tell David,” and her next, “How can I tell
-him, how can I possibly tell him?” She lay on her bed in the darkness
-and faced the situation. If she told David, and he did not believe
-her—that was possible, but not probable. If she told him, and he
-believed her as to the facts—but believed also that this strange
-development was due in some way to some influence of hers—conscious or
-unconscious hypnotism—the thought broke off half-way. If he believed
-this—and it was likely that he would believe it—Elizabeth covered her
-eyes with her hand. Even the darkness was no shield. How should she meet
-David’s eyes in the light, if he were to believe this? What would he
-think of her? What must he think of her? She began to weep slow tears of
-shame and agony. What was she to do? To wait until some accident branded
-her in David’s eyes, or to go to him with a most unbelievable tale? She
-tried to find words that she could say, and she could find none. Her
-flesh shrank, and she knew that she could not do it. There were no
-words. The tears ran slowly, very slowly, between her fingers. Elizabeth
-was cold. The room was full of the empty dark. All the world was dark
-and empty too. She lay quite still for a very long time. Then there came
-upon her a curious gradual sense of companionship. It grew continually.
-At the last, she took her hands from before her face and opened her
-eyes. And there was a light in the room. It shed no glow on anything—it
-was just a light by itself. A steady, golden light. It was not
-moonlight, for there was no moon. Elizabeth lay and looked at it. It was
-very radiant and very soft. She ceased to weep and she ceased to be
-troubled. She knew with a certainty that never faltered again, that she
-and David were one. Whether he would become conscious of their oneness
-during the space of this short mortal dream, she did not know, but it
-had ceased to matter. The thing that had tormented her was her own
-doubt. Now that was stilled for ever—Love walked again among the
-realities, pure and unashamed. The things of Time—the mistakes, the
-illusions, the shadows of Time—moved in a little misty dream, that could
-not touch her. Elizabeth turned on her side. She was warm and she was
-comforted.
-
-She slept.
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER XXIII
- ELIZABETH WAITS
-
-
- And they that have seen and heard,
- Have wrested a gift from Fate
- That no man taketh away.
- For they hold in their hands the key,
- To all that is this-side Death,
- And they count it as dust by the way,
- As small dust, driven before the breath
- Of Winds that blow to the day.
-
-“Do you remember my telling you about my dream?” said David, next day.
-He spoke quite suddenly, looking up from a letter that he was writing.
-
-“Yes, I remember,” said Elizabeth. She even smiled a little.
-
-“Well, it was so odd—I really don’t know what made me think of it just
-now, but it happened to come into my head—do you know that I dreamt it
-every night for about a fortnight? That was in May. I have never done
-such a thing before. Then it stopped again quite suddenly, and I haven’t
-dreamt it since. I wonder whether speaking of it to you—” he broke off.
-
-“I wonder,” said Elizabeth.
-
-“You see it came again and again. And the strange part was that I used
-to wake in the morning feeling as if there was a lot more of it. A lot
-more than there used to be. Things I couldn’t remember—I don’t know why
-I tell you this.”
-
-“It interests me,” said Elizabeth.
-
-“You know how one forgets a dream, and then, quite suddenly, you just
-don’t remember it. It’s the queerest thing—something gets the
-impression, but the brain doesn’t record it. It’s most amazingly
-provoking. Just now, while I was writing to Fossett, bits of something
-came over me like a flash. And now it’s gone again. Do you ever dream?”
-
-“Sometimes,” said Elizabeth.
-
-This was her time to tell him. But Elizabeth did not tell him. It seemed
-to her that she had been told, quite definitely, to wait, and she was
-dimly aware of the reason. The time was not yet.
-
-David finished his letter. Then he said:
-
-“Don’t you want to go away this summer?”
-
-“No,” said Elizabeth, a little surprised. “I don’t think I do. Why?”
-
-“Most people seem to go away. Mary would like you to go with her,
-wouldn’t she?”
-
-“Yes, but I’ve told her I don’t want to go. She won’t be alone, you
-know, now that Edward finds that he can get away.”
-
-David laughed.
-
-“Poor old Edward,” he said. “A month ago the business couldn’t get on
-without him. He was conscience-ridden, and snatched exiguous half-hours
-for Mary and his beetles. And now it appears, that after all, the
-business can get on without him. I don’t know quite how Macpherson
-brought that fact home to Edward. He must have put it very straight, and
-I’m afraid that Edward’s feelings were a good deal hurt. Personally, I
-should say that the less Edward interferes with Macpherson the more
-radiantly will bank-managers smile upon Edward. Edward is a well-meaning
-person. Mr. Mottisfont would have called him damn well-meaning. And you
-cannot damn any man deeper than that in business. No, Edward can afford
-to take a holiday better than most people. He will probably start a
-marine collection and be perfectly happy. Why don’t you join them for a
-bit?”
-
-“I don’t think I want to,” said Elizabeth. “I’m going up to London for
-Agneta’s wedding next week. I don’t want to go anywhere else. Do you
-want to get rid of me?”
-
-To her surprise, David coloured.
-
-“I?” he said. For a moment an odd expression passed across his face.
-Then he laughed.
-
-“I might have wanted to flirt with Miss Dobell.”
-
- * * * * * * * *
-
-Agneta Mainwaring was married at the end of July.
-
-“It’s going to be the most awful show,” she wrote to Elizabeth. “Douglas
-and I spend all our time trying to persuade each other that it isn’t
-going to be awful, but we know it is. All our relations and all our
-friends, and all their children and all their best clothes, and an
-amount of fuss, worry, and botheration calculated to drive any one
-crazy. If I hadn’t an enormous amount of self-control I should bolt,
-either with or without Douglas. Probably without him. Then he’d have a
-really thrilling time tracking me down. It’s an awful temptation, and if
-you don’t want me to give way to it, you’d better come up at least three
-days beforehand, and clamp on to me. Do come, Lizabeth. I really want
-you.”
-
-Elizabeth went up to London the day before the wedding, and Agneta
-detached herself sufficiently from her own dream to say:
-
-“You’re not Issachar any longer. What has happened?”
-
-“I don’t quite know,” said Elizabeth. “I don’t think the burden’s gone,
-but I think that some one else is carrying it for me. I don’t seem to
-feel it any more.”
-
-Agneta smiled a queer little smile of understanding. Then she laughed.
-
-“Good Heavens, Lizabeth, if any one heard us talking, how perfectly mad
-they would think us.”
-
-Elizabeth found August a very peaceful month. A large number of her
-friends and acquaintances were away. There were no calls to be paid and
-no notes to be written. She and David were more together than they had
-been since the time in Switzerland, and she was happy with a strange
-brooding happiness, which was not yet complete, but which awaited
-completion. She thought a great deal about the child—the child of the
-Dream. She came to think of it as an indication that behind the Dream
-was the Real.
-
-Mary came back on the 15th of September. She was looking very well, and
-was once more in a state of extreme contentment with Edward and things
-in general. When she had poured forth a complete catalogue of all that
-they had done, she paused for breath, and looked suddenly and sharply at
-Elizabeth.
-
-“Liz,” she said. “Why, Liz.”
-
-To Elizabeth’s annoyance, she felt herself colouring.
-
-“Liz, and you never told me. Tell me at once. Is it true? Why didn’t you
-tell me before?”
-
-“Oh, Molly, what an Inquisitor you would have made!”
-
-“Then it _is_ true. And I suppose you told Agneta weeks ago?”
-
-“I haven’t told any one,” said Elizabeth.
-
-“Not Agneta? And I suppose if I hadn’t guessed you wouldn’t have told me
-for ages and ages and ages. Why didn’t you tell me, Liz?”
-
-“Why, I thought I’d wait till you came back, Molly.”
-
-Mary caught her sister’s hand.
-
-“Liz, aren’t you glad? Aren’t you pleased? Doesn’t it make you happy?
-Oh, Liz, if I thought you were one of those _dreadful_ women who don’t
-want to have a baby, I—I don’t know what I should do. I wanted to tell
-everybody. But then I was _pleased_. I don’t believe you’re a bit
-pleased. Are you?”
-
-“I don’t know that pleased is exactly the word,” said Elizabeth. She
-looked at Mary and laughed a little.
-
-“Oh, Molly, do stop being Mrs. Grundy.”
-
-Mary lifted her chin.
-
-“Just because I was interested,” she said. “I suppose you’d rather I
-didn’t care.”
-
-Then she relaxed a little.
-
-“Liz, I’m frightfully excited. Do be pleased and excited too. Why are
-you so stiff and odd? Isn’t David pleased?”
-
-She had looked away, but she turned quickly at the last words, and fixed
-her eyes on Elizabeth’s face. And for a moment Elizabeth had been off
-her guard.
-
-Mary exclaimed.
-
-“Isn’t he pleased? Doesn’t he know? Liz, you don’t mean to tell me——”
-
-“I don’t think you give me much time to tell you anything, Molly,” said
-Elizabeth.
-
-“He doesn’t know? Liz, what’s happened to you? Why are you so
-extraordinary? It’s the sort of thing you read about in an early
-Victorian novel. Do you mean to say that you _really_ haven’t told
-David? That he doesn’t know?”
-
-Elizabeth’s colour rose.
-
-“Molly, my dear, do you think it is your business?” she said.
-
-“Yes, I do,” said Mary. “I suppose you won’t pretend you’re not my own
-sister. And I think you must be quite mad, Liz. I do, indeed. You ought
-to tell David at once—at once. I can’t _imagine_ what Edward would have
-said if he had not known at once. You ought to go straight home and tell
-him now. Married people ought to be one. They ought never to have
-secrets.”
-
-Mary poured the whole thing out to Edward the same evening.
-
-“I really don’t know what has happened to Elizabeth,” she said. “She is
-quite changed. I can’t understand her at all. I think it is quite wicked
-of her. If she doesn’t tell David soon, some one else ought to tell
-him.”
-
-Edward moved uneasily in his chair.
-
-“People don’t like being interfered with,” he said.
-
-“Well, I’m sure nobody could call me an interfering person,” said Mary.
-“It isn’t interfering to be fond of people. If I weren’t fond of Liz, I
-shouldn’t care how strangely she behaved. I do think it’s very strange
-of her—and I don’t care what you say, Edward. I think David ought to be
-told. How would you have liked it if I’d hidden things from you?”
-
-Edward rumpled up his hair.
-
-“People _don’t_ like being interfered with,” he said again.
-
-At this Mary burst into tears, and continued to weep until Edward had
-called himself a brute sufficiently often to justify her contradicting
-him.
-
-Elizabeth continued to wait. She was not quite as untroubled as she had
-been. The scene with Mary had brought the whole world of other people’s
-thoughts and judgments much nearer. It was a troubling world. One full
-of shadows and perplexities. It pressed upon her a little and vexed her
-peace.
-
-The days slid by. They had been pleasant days for David, too. For some
-time past he had been aware of a change in himself—a ferment. His old
-passion for Mary was dust. He looked back upon it now, and saw it as a
-delirium of the senses, a thing of change and fever. It was gone. He
-rejoiced in his freedom and began to look forward to the time when he
-and Elizabeth would enter upon a married life founded upon friendship,
-companionship, and good fellowship. He had no desire to fall in love
-with Elizabeth, to go back to the old storms of passion and unrest. He
-cared a good deal for Elizabeth. When she was his wife he would care for
-her more deeply, but still on the same lines. He hoped that they would
-have children. He was very fond of children. And then, after he had
-planned it all out in his own mind, he became aware of the change, the
-ferment. What he felt did not come into the plan at all. He disliked it
-and he distrusted it, but none the less the change went on, the ferment
-grew. It was as if he had planned to walk on a clear, wide upland, under
-a still, untroubled air. In his own mind he had a vision of such a
-place. It was a place where a man might walk and be master of himself,
-and then suddenly—the driving of a mighty wind, and he could not tell
-from whence it came, or whither it went. The wind bloweth where it
-listeth. In those September days the wind blew very strongly, and as it
-blew, David came slowly to the knowledge that he loved Elizabeth. It was
-a love that seemed to rise in him from some great depth. He could not
-have told when it began. As the days passed, he wondered sometimes
-whether it had not been there always, deep amongst the deepest springs
-of thought and will. There was no fever in it. It was a thing so strong
-and sane and wholesome that, after the first wonder, it seemed to him to
-be a part of himself, a part which, missing, he had lost balance and
-mental poise.
-
-He spoke to Elizabeth as usual, but he looked at her with new eyes. And
-he, too, waited.
-
-He came home one day to find the household in a commotion. It appeared
-that Sarah had scalded her hand, Elizabeth was out, and Mrs. Havergill
-was divided between the rival merits of flour, oil, and a patent
-preparation which she had found very useful when suffering from
-chilblains. She safeguarded her infallibility by remarking, that there
-was some as held with one thing and some as held with another. She also
-observed, that “scalds were ’orrid things.”
-
-“Now, there was an ’ousemaid I knew, Milly Clarke her name was, she
-scalded her hand very much the same as you ’ave, Sarah, and first thing,
-it swelled up as big as my two legs and arter that it turned to
-blood-poisoning, and the doctors couldn’t do nothing for her, pore
-girl.”
-
-At this point Sarah broke into noisy weeping and David arrived. When he
-had bound up the hand, consoled the trembling Sarah, and suggested that
-she should have a cup of tea, he inquired where Elizabeth was. She might
-be at Mrs. Mottisfont’s, suggested Mrs. Havergill, as she followed him
-into the hall.
-
-“You’re not thinking of sending Sarah to the ’orspital, are you sir?”
-
-“No, of course not, she’ll be all right in a day or two. I’ll just walk
-up the hill and meet Mrs. Blake.”
-
-“I’m sure it’s a mercy she were out,” said Mrs. Havergill.
-
-“Why?” said David, turning at the door. Mrs. Havergill assumed an air of
-matronly importance.
-
-“It might ha’ given her a turn,” she said, “for the pore girl did scream
-something dreadful. I’m sure it give me a turn, but that’s neither here
-nor there. What I was thinking of was Mrs. Blake’s condition, sir.”
-
-Mrs. Havergill was obviously a little nettled at David’s expression.
-
-“Nonsense,” said David quickly.
-
-Mrs. Havergill went back to Sarah.
-
-“‘Nonsense,’ he says, and him a doctor. Why, there was me own pore
-mother as died with her ninth, and all along of a turn she got through
-seeing a child run over. And he says, ‘Nonsense.’”
-
-David walked up the hill in a state of mind between impatience and
-amusement. How women’s minds did run on babies. He supposed it was
-natural, but there were times when one could dispense with it.
-
-He found Mary at home and alone. “Elizabeth? Oh, no, she hasn’t been
-near me for days,” said Mary. “As it happened, I particularly _wanted_
-to see her. But she hasn’t been near me.”
-
-She considered that Elizabeth was neglecting her. Only that morning she
-had told Edward so.
-
-“She doesn’t come to see me _on purpose_,” she had said. “But I know
-quite well why. I don’t at all approve of the way she’s going on, and
-she knows it. I don’t think it’s _right_. I think some one ought to tell
-David. No, Edward, I really do. I don’t understand Elizabeth at all, and
-she’s simply afraid to come and see me because she knows that I shall
-speak my mind.”
-
-Now, as she sat and talked to David, the idea that it might be her duty
-to enlighten him presented itself to her mind afresh. A sudden and
-brilliant idea came into her head, and she immediately proceeded to act
-upon it.
-
-“I had a special reason for wanting to see her,” she said. “I had a
-lovely box of things down from town on approval, and I wanted her to see
-them.”
-
-“Things?” said David.
-
-“Oh, clothes,” said Mary, with a wave of the hand. “You know they’ll
-send you anything now. By the way, I bought a present for Liz, though
-she doesn’t _deserve_ it. Will you take it down to her? I’ll get it if
-you don’t mind waiting a minute.”
-
-She was away for five minutes, and then returned with a small
-brown-paper parcel in her hand.
-
-“You can open it when you get home,” she said. “Open it and show it to
-Liz, and see whether you like it. Tell her I sent it with my _love_.”
-
-“Now there won’t be any more nonsense,” she told Edward.
-
-Edward looked rather unhappy, but, warned by previous experience, said
-nothing.
-
-David found Elizabeth in the dining-room. She was putting a large bunch
-of scarlet gladioli into a brown jug upon the mantelpiece.
-
-“I’ve got a present for you,” said David.
-
-“David, how nice of you. It’s not my birthday.”
-
-“I’m afraid it’s not from me at all. I looked in to see if you were with
-Mary, and she sent you this, with her love. By the way, you’d better go
-and see her, I think she’s rather huffed.”
-
-As he spoke he was undoing the parcel. Elizabeth had her back towards
-him. The flowers would not stand up just as she wished them to.
-
-“I can’t think why Molly should send me a present,” she said, and then
-all at once something made her turn round.
-
-The brown-paper wrapping lay on the table. David had taken something
-white out of the parcel. He held it up and they both looked at it. It
-was a baby’s robe, very fine, and delicately embroidered.
-
-Elizabeth made a wavering step forward. The light danced on the white
-robe, and not only on the robe. All the room was full of small dancing
-lights. Elizabeth put her hand behind her and felt for the edge of the
-mantelpiece. She could not find it. Everything was shaking. She swung
-half round, and all the dancing lights flashed in her eyes as she fell
-forwards.
-
-
-
-
- CHAPTER XXIV
- THE LOST NAME
-
-
- You are as old as Egypt, and as young as yesterday,
- Oh, turn again and look again, for when you look I know
- The dusk of death is but a dream, that dreaming, dies away
- And leaves you with the lips I loved, three thousand years ago.
-
- The mists of that forgotten dream, they fill your brooding eyes,
- With veil on strange revealing veil that wavers, and is gone,
- And still between the veiling mists, the dim, dead centuries rise,
- And still behind the farthest veil, your burning soul burns on.
-
- You are as old as Egypt, and as young as very Youth,
- Before your still, immortal eyes the ages come and go,
- The dusk of death is but a dream that dims the face of Truth—
- Oh, turn again, and look again, for when you look, I know.
-
-When Elizabeth came to herself, the room was full of mist. Through the
-mist, she saw David’s face, and quite suddenly in these few minutes it
-had grown years older.
-
-He spoke. He seemed a long way off.
-
-“Drink this.”
-
-“What is it?” said Elizabeth faintly.
-
-“Water.”
-
-Elizabeth raised herself a little and drank. The faintness passed. She
-became aware that the collar of her dress was unfastened, and she sat up
-and began to fasten it.
-
-David got up, too.
-
-“I am all right.”
-
-There was no mist before Elizabeth’s eyes now. They saw clearly, quite,
-quite clearly. She looked at David, and David’s face was grey—old and
-grey. So it had come. Now in this hour of physical weakness. The thing
-she dreaded.
-
-To her own surprise, she felt no dread now. Only a great weariness. What
-could she say? What was she to say? All seemed useless—not worth while.
-But then there was David’s face, his grey, old face. She must do her
-best—not for her own sake, but for David’s.
-
-She wondered a little that it should hurt him so much. It was not as
-though he loved her, or had ever loved her. Only of course this was a
-thing to cut a man, down to the very quick of his pride and his
-self-respect. It was that—of course it was that.
-
-Whilst she was thinking, David spoke. He was standing by the table
-fingering the piece of string that lay there.
-
-“Elizabeth, do you know why you fainted?” he said.
-
-“Yes,” said Elizabeth, and said no more.
-
-A sort of shudder passed over David Blake.
-
-“Then it’s true,” he said in a voice that was hardly a voice at all.
-There was a sound, and there were words. But it was not like a man
-speaking. It was like a long, quick breath of pain.
-
-“Yes,” said Elizabeth. “It is true, David.”
-
-There was a very great pity in her eyes.
-
-“Oh, my God!” said David, and he sat down by the table and put his head
-in his hands. “Oh, my God!” he said again.
-
-Elizabeth got up. She was trembling just a little, but she felt no
-faintness now. She put one hand on the mantelpiece, and so stood,
-waiting.
-
-There was a very long silence, one of those profound silences which seem
-to break in upon a room and fill it. They overlie and blot out all the
-little sounds of every-day life and usage. Outside, people came and
-went, the traffic in the High Street came and went, but neither to
-David, nor to Elizabeth, did there come the smallest sound. They were
-enclosed in a silence that seemed to stretch unbroken, from one Eternity
-to another. It became an unbearable torment. To his dying day, when any
-one spoke of hell, David glimpsed a place of eternal silence, where
-anguish burned for ever with a still unwavering flame.
-
-He moved at last, slowly, like a man who has been in a trance. His head
-lifted. He got up, resting his weight upon his hands. Then he
-straightened himself. All his movements were like those of a man who is
-lifting an intolerably heavy load.
-
-“Why did you marry me?” he asked in a tired voice, and then his tone
-hardened. “Who is the man? Who is he? Will he marry you if I divorce
-you?”
-
-An unbearable pang of pity went through Elizabeth, and she turned her
-head sharply. David stopped looking at her.
-
-She to be ashamed—oh, God!—Elizabeth ashamed—he could not look at her.
-He walked quickly to the window. Then turned back again because
-Elizabeth was speaking.
-
-“David,” she said, in a low voice, “David, what sort of woman am I?”
-
-A groan burst from David.
-
-“You are a good woman. That’s just the damnable part of it. There are
-some women, when they do a thing like this, one only says they’ve done
-after their kind—they’re gone where they belong. When a good woman does
-it, it’s Hell—just Hell. And you’re a good woman.”
-
-Elizabeth was looking down. She could not bear his face.
-
-“And would you say I was a truthful woman?” she said. “If I were to tell
-you the truth, would you believe me, David?”
-
-“Yes,” said David at once. “Yes, I’d believe you. If you told me
-anything at all you’d tell me the truth. Why shouldn’t I believe you?”
-
-“Because the truth is very unbelievable,” said Elizabeth.
-
-David lifted his head and looked at her.
-
-“Oh, you’ll not lie,” he said.
-
-“Thank you,” said Elizabeth. After a moment’s pause, she went on.
-
-“Will you sit down, David? I don’t think I can speak if you walk up and
-down like that. It’s not very easy to speak.”
-
-He sat down in a big chair, that stood with its back to the window.
-
-“David,” she said, “when we were in Switzerland, you asked me how I had
-put you to sleep. You asked me if I had hypnotised you. I said, No. I
-want to know if you believed me?”
-
-“I don’t know what I believed,” said David wearily. The question
-appeared to him to be entirely irrelevant and unimportant.
-
-“When you hypnotise a person, you are producing an illusion,” said
-Elizabeth. “The effect of what I did was to destroy one. But whatever I
-did, when you asked me to stop doing it, I stopped. You do believe
-that?”
-
-“Yes—I believe that.”
-
-“I stopped at once—definitely. You must please believe that. Presently
-you will see why I say this.”
-
-All the time she had been standing quietly by the mantelpiece. Now she
-came across and kneeled down beside David’s chair. She laid her hands
-one above the other upon the broad arm, and she looked, not at David at
-all, but at her own hands. It was the penitent’s attitude, but David
-Blake, looking at her, found nothing of the penitent’s expression. The
-light shone full upon her face. There was a look upon it that startled
-him. Her face was white and still. The look that riveted David’s
-attention was a look of remoteness—passionless remoteness—and over all a
-sort of patience.
-
-Elizabeth looked down at her strong folded hands, and began to speak in
-a quiet, gentle voice. The sapphire in her ring caught the light.
-
-“David, just now you asked me why I married you. You never asked me that
-before. I am going to tell you now. I married you because I loved you
-very much. I thought I could help, and I loved you. That is why I
-married you. You won’t speak, please, till I have done. It isn’t easy.”
-
-She drew a long, steady breath and went on.
-
-“I knew you didn’t love me, you loved Mary. It wasn’t good for you. I
-knew that you would never love me. I was—content—with friendship. You
-gave me friendship. Then we came home. And you stopped loving Mary. I
-was very thankful—for you—not for myself.”
-
-She stopped for a moment. David was looking at her. Her words fell on
-his heart, word after word, like scalding tears. So she had loved him—it
-only needed that. Why did she tell him now when it was all too
-late—hideously too late?
-
-Elizabeth went on.
-
-“Do you remember, when we had been home a week, you dreamed your dream?
-Your old dream—you told me of it, one evening—but I knew already——”
-
-“Knew?”
-
-“No, don’t speak. I can’t go on if you speak. I knew because when you
-dreamed your dream you came to me.”
-
-She bent lower over her hands. Her breathing quickened. She scarcely
-heard David’s startled exclamation. She must say it—and it was so hard.
-Her heart beat so—it was so hard to steady her voice.
-
-“You came into my room. It was late. The window was open, and the wind
-was blowing in. The moon was going down. I was standing by the window in
-my night-dress—and you spoke. You said, ‘Turn round, and let me see your
-face.’ Then I turned round and you came to me and touched me. You
-touched me and you spoke, and then you went away. And the next night you
-came again. You were in your dream, and in your dream you loved me. We
-talked. I said, ‘Who am I?’ and you said, ‘You are the Woman of my
-Dream,’ and you kissed me, and then you went away. But the third
-night—the third night—I woke up—in the dark—and you were there.”
-
-After that first start, David sat rigid and watched her face. He saw her
-lips quiver—the patience of her face break into pain. He knew the effort
-with which she spoke.
-
-“You came every night—for a fortnight. I used to think you would
-wake—but you never did. You went away before the dawn—always. You never
-waked—you never remembered. In your dream you loved me—you loved me very
-much. In the daytime you didn’t love me at all. I got to feel I couldn’t
-bear it. I went away to Agneta, and there I thought it all out. I knew
-what I had to do. I think I had really known all along. But I was
-shirking. That’s why it hurt so much. If you shirk, you always get
-hurt.”
-
-Elizabeth paused for a moment. She was looking at the blue of her ring.
-It shone. There was a little star in the heart of it.
-
-“It’s very difficult to explain,” she said. “I suppose you would say I
-prayed. Do you remember asking me, if you had slept because I saw you in
-the Divine Consciousness? That’s the nearest I can get to explaining. I
-tried to see the whole thing—us—the Dream—in the Divine Consciousness,
-and you stopped dreaming. I knew you would. You never came any more.
-That’s all.”
-
-Elizabeth stopped speaking. She moved as if to rise, but David’s hand
-fell suddenly upon both of hers, and rested there with a hard, heavy
-pressure.
-
-He said her name, “Elizabeth!” and then again, “Elizabeth!” His voice
-had a bewildered sound.
-
-Elizabeth lifted her eyes and looked at him. His face was working,
-twitching, his eyes strained as if to see something beyond the line of
-vision. He looked past Elizabeth as he had done in his dream. All at
-once he spoke in a whisper.
-
-“I remembered, it’s gone again—but I remembered.”
-
-“The dream?”
-
-“No, not the dream. I don’t know—it’s gone. It was a name—your name—but
-it’s gone again.”
-
-“My name?”
-
-“Yes—it’s gone.”
-
-“It doesn’t matter, David.”
-
-Elizabeth had begun to tremble, and all at once he became aware of it.
-
-“Why do you tremble?”
-
-Elizabeth was at the end of her strength. She had done what she had to
-do. If he would let her go——
-
-“David, let me go,” she said, only just above her breath.
-
-Instead, he put out his other hand and touched her on the breast. It was
-like the Dream. But they were not in the Dream any more. They were
-awake.
-
-David leaned slowly forward, and Elizabeth could not turn away her eyes.
-They looked at each other, and the thing that had happened before came
-upon them again. A momentary flash—memory—revelation—truth. The moment
-passed. This time it left behind it, not darkness, but light. They were
-in the light, because love is of the light.
-
-David put his arms about Elizabeth.
-
-“Mine!” he said.
-
-
- THE END
-
-
-
-
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