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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6720356 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #62969 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/62969) diff --git a/old/62969-0.txt b/old/62969-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 31d6c36..0000000 --- a/old/62969-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,885 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Humorists of the Pencil: Phil May, by Phil May - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: Humorists of the Pencil: Phil May - -Author: Phil May - -Release Date: August 18, 2020 [EBook #62969] -[Last updated: August 27, 2020] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HUMORISTS OF THE PENCIL: PHIL MAY *** - - - - -Produced by Chuck Greif (This file was produced from images -available at The Internet Archive) - - - - - - - - - - - - HUMORISTS OF THE PENCIL - - PHIL MAY - - [Illustration: colophon] - - LONDON: - - “PUNCH” OFFICE, 10, BOUVERIE STREET, E.C. - -[Illustration: PHIL MAY--By Himself.] - -Reproduced from “The History of Punch” by the kind permission of Mr. H. -H. Spielmann, the ownder of the original drawings. - -[Illustration: “AND SHE OUGHT TO KNOW!” - -“That’s supposed to be a Portograph of Lady Solsbary. But, bless yer, it -ain’t like her a bit in Private!”] - -[Illustration: - -PREACHING AND PRACTISING. - -_Lady Bountiful_ (_to old Parishioner_). “I hope you like our New -Clergyman’s Sermons, Mrs. Brown?” - -_Mrs. Brown_: “Oh yes, my Lady, he do Preach quite beautiful; but then, -you see, he don’t Practise. So when my poor old Man be troubled with the -Rheumatics, I have to send for the Doctor in the Village, and it do come -so very expensive!”] - -[Illustration: “PLEASE TO REMEMBER THE WAITER.” - -“All right, Sir! My fault!”] - -[Illustration: FOGGY WEATHER. - -“Has Mr. Smith been here?” “Yes; he was here about an hour ago.” “Was I -with him?”] - -[Illustration: “Penny ’Addick.” “Finen?” “No; thick ’un!”] - -[Illustration: A NEGLECTED INDUSTRY. - -“’Ow are yer gettin’ on, Bill?” - -“Ain’t gettin’ on at all. I’m beginnin’ to think as the Publick doesn’t -know what they wants!”] - -[Illustration: BLASÉ - -_Kitty_ (_reading a fairy tale_). “‘Once upon a time there was a -frog----’” - -_Mabel_ (_interrupting_). “I bet it’s a Princess! Go on!”] - -[Illustration: CRUEL! - -_Lucullus Brown_ (_on hospitable purpose intent_). “Are you Dining -anywhere to-morrow night?” - -_Jones_ (_not liking to absolutely “give himself away”_). “Let me -see”--(_considers_)--“No; I’m not Dining anywhere to-morrow.” - -_Lucullus Brown_ (_seeing through the artifice_). “Um! Poor chap! How -Hungry you will be!” - -[“_Exeunt,--severally_.”]] - -[Illustration: “THE COW WAS THE STAMP TO IMPRESS SUPERIOR BUTTER.” - -“’Arf a pound er Margarine, please; an’ Mother says will yer put the Cow -on it cos she’s got Company!”] - -[Illustration: Q. E. D. - -“Wha’s up wi’ Sal?” “Ain’t yer ’erd? She’s Married agin!”] - -[Illustration: OF VITAL IMPORTANCE. - -“Hi, Billie! _’Ere’s_ Cheap Gloves!”] - -[Illustration: AN IMPORTANT ’JUNCTION. - -“You mind your Fader gets my Boots reddy by Four o’clock, ’cos I’m -goin’ to a Party!”] - -[Illustration: AN INFORMAL INTRODUCTION. - -’_Arry_ (_shouting across the street to his “Pal”_) “Hi! Bill! This is -’er!”] - -[Illustration: POLITICS AND GALLANTRY. - -_First ’Arry_: “Hay, wot’s this ’ere Rosebery a torkin’ abaat? Bless’d -if he ain’t a goin’ to do awy with the Lords!” - -_Second ’Arry_: (_more of a Don Juan than a Politician_). “Do awy with -the ’ole bloomin’ lot o’ Lords, if he likes, as long as he don’t do awy -with the Lidies!”] - -[Illustration: THE PLUNGER. - -_First Boy_ _(much interested in the game of Buttons_). “’As ’e lost?” - -_Second Ditto_. “Yes; ’e lost all them Buttons what ’e won off Tommy -Crowther yesterday, an’ then ’e cut all the Buttons off ’is Clothes, and -’e’s lost them too!”] - -[Illustration: _Superior ’Arry_. “Cabbie! To the--aw--the Prince of -Wales’s.” - -_Cabbie_-“Marlbro’ ’Ouse, my Lord?”] - -[Illustration: THE GENIAL SEASON. - -_Hungry-looking Acquaintance_ (_with eye to invitation_). “So glad to -see you enjoying yourself!” - -_Fat Chap_ (_evidently doing well_). “Wrong again, old Man. I’m enjoying -my Dinner!”] - -[Illustration: “Look what I’ve bought you for a Christmas Box!”] - -[Illustration: PAST AND PRESENT. - -_Serious and much-Married Man_. “My dear Friend, I _was_ astonished to -hear of _your_ dining at Madame Troisétoiles!--a ‘Woman with a Past’ you -know!” - -_The Friend_ (_Bachelor “unattached”_). “Well, you see, old Man, she’s -got a first-rate _Chef_, so it isn’t her ‘Past’ but her ‘Re-past’ that I -care about.”] - -[Illustration: Editor of Libellous Rag (who has just received a terrific -but well-deserved kick). “Dud you man thot?” - -_Colonel McMurder_. “Yis, oi _dud_, you thunderin’ villain!” - -_Editor_. “Oh, very well, thot’s all _roight_. Oi t’ought it moight av -been wan o’ thim prac-ta-cle jokes”!] - -[Illustration: “Hi, Billy! are yer Movin’?”] - -[Illustration: SO LIKELY! - -Scene--_Bar of a Railway Refreshment Room._ - -_Barmaid_. “Tea, Sir?” _Mr. Boozy_. “Tea!!! ME!!!!”] - -[Illustration: BOTANY; OR, A DAY IN THE COUNTRY. - -“Say, Billee, shall we gaver Mushrooms?” - -“Yus. I’m a Beggar to Climb!”] - -[Illustration: _First Boy_. “Give us a Bite of your Apple, Bob.” - -_Second Boy_. “Shan’t.” - -_First Boy_. “What for?” - -_Second Boy_. “’Cos yer axed me!” - -(_After a pause._) - -_Small Boy_. “Gi’ me a Bite, Bob. I never axed yer!”] - -[Illustration: A BUSINESS ANNOUNCEMENT.] - -[Illustration: MAY 1. THE SWEEPS’ FESTIVAL. - -A Study in Black and White. ⁂ Nice for Next Fare.] - -[Illustration: _New Assistant_ (_after hair-cutting, to Jones, who has -been away for a couple of weeks_). “Your ’Air is very thin be’ind, Sir. -Try Singeing!” - -_Jones_ (_after a pause_). “Yes, I think I will.” - -_N.A._ (_after singeing_). “Shampoo, Sir? Good for the ’Air, Sir.” - -_Jones_. “Thank you. Yes.” - -_N.A._ “Your Moustaches curled?” - -_Jones_. “Please.” - -_N.A._ “May I give you a Friction?” - -_Jones_. “Thank you.” - -_N.A._ “Will you try some of our----” - -_Manager_ (_who has just sighted his man, in Stage whisper_). “You -Idiot! _He’s_ a Subscriber!!”] - -[Illustration: _Youngster_ (_who has just had a Penny given to him_). -“’Ow much is them Grapes, Mister?” - -_Shopkeeper_ (_amused_). “They are Four Shillings and Sixpence a Pound, -my Lad.” - -_Youngster_. “Well, then, give us a ’A’porth o’ _Carrots_. I’m a _Demon_ -for _Fruit_!”] - -[Illustration: _Ragged Urchin_ (_who has just picked up very short and -dirty end of a Cigarette_). “Hi, Billy! Look ’ere! See what you’ve -missed!”] - -[Illustration: “_Perfeck Lidy_” (_who has just been ejected_). “Well, -_next_ time I goes into a Publickouse, I’ll go somewhere where I’ll be -_respected_!”] - -[Illustration: A YORKSHIRE GOSSIP. - -_First Gossip_. “So you was nivver axed tut Funeral?” - -_Second Gossip_. “Nivver as much as inside t’house. But nobbut wait till -_we_ hev’ a Funeral of us own, an’ _we_’ll show ’em!”] - -[Illustration: SO THAT DOESN’T COUNT. - -“Are you sure they’re quite Fresh?” “Wot a Question to arst! Can’t yer -see they’re Alive?” - -“Yes; but you’re _Alive_, you know!”] - -[Illustration: A SUNDAY DINNER. - -_Father of Family_ (_who has accidentally shot the leg of a Fowl under -the table_). “Mind t’Dog doesn’t get it!” - -_Young Hopeful_ (_triumphantly_). “All right, Feyther! I’ve gotten me -Foot on it!”] - -[Illustration: _Workman_ (_politely, to old Lady, who has accidentally -got into the Smoking Compartment_). “You don’ object to my Pipe, I ’ope -Mum?” - -_Old Lady_. “Yes, I _do_ object, very strongly!” - -_Workman_. “Oh! Then out you get!!”] - -[Illustration: REASSURING. - -“Lor’ bless yer, Sir, that’s all right, Sir! _That_ ain’t a Fly, Sir! -_That’s_ a bit of Dirt!”] - -[Illustration: PICKINGS FROM PICARDY. - -After the Procession. A Solo by Grand-père.] - -[Illustration: MUCH ADO. - -“Mumma-a-a! Boo-hoo! We’s crying! Tum up ’tairs an’ see what’s de matter -wiv us!”] - -[Illustration: A SKETCH FROM LIFE. - -_Chorus_ (_slow music_). “We’ve a rare old--fair old--rickety Crew!”] - -[Illustration: “_Are_ you comin’ ’ome?” - -“I’ll do ellythik you _like_ in reasol, M’ria--(_hic_)--Bur I _won’t_ -come ’ome.”] - -[Illustration: _Importunate Street Urchin_ (_for the tenth time_). “Gi’ -us a Copper. Sir! Gi’ us a Copper!” - -_Testy Individual_ (_losing patience_). “Oh, go to”--(substitutes a -milder form)--“blazes!” - -_Street Urchin_. “Sure thin an’ I would in this bastly could weather, if -I was only certain o’ comin’ back again!” [_Individual’s testiness -overcome and Urchin rewarded_.]] - -[Illustration: “NICE FOR THE VISITORS.” - -(_Sketch Outisde a Fashionable Hotel_.)] - -[Illustration: _Coster_ (_to acquaintance, who has been away for some -months_). “Wot are yer bin doin’ all this time?” - -_Bill Robbins_ (_who has been “doing time”_). “Oh, I’ve bin Wheelin’ a -bit, Ole Man--Wheelin’ a bit!”] - -[Illustration: THE GREAT PRIZE FIGHT. - -_Johnnie_ (_who finds that his Box, £20, has been appropriated by “the -Fancy”_). “I beg your pardon, but this is _my_ Box!” - -_Bill Basford_. “Oh, is it? Well, why don’t you tike it?”] - -[Illustration: _Fussy Old Lady_. “Now _don’t_ forget, Conductor. I _want -the Bank of England_.” - -_Conductor_. “_All_ right, Mum.” (_Aside_.) “She _don’t_ want _much_, do -she, Mate?”] - -[Illustration: INFORMATION. - -_First ’Arry_ (_with newspaper_). “I say, ’Arry, you’se a Toff. What’s a -‘Collar Day’ at Court?” - -_Second ’Arry_. “Donno ’xactly. Suppose it’s a Saturday when things come -’ome from the Wash.” - -_First ’Arry_. “Oh, I see--‘Clean Collar Day’!”] - -[Illustration: _Little Guttersnipe_ (_who is getting quite used to -posing_). “Will yer want me ter tike my Bun down?”] - -[Illustration: “EVERYTHING COMES TO HIM THAT ‘WAITS.’”] - -[Illustration: THE HEALING ART. - -_Doctor_. “Did you give the Children the Physic I sent last night?” - -_Fond Mother_. “Yes, Sir,” - -_Doctor_. “And how are they to-day?” - -_Fond Mother_. “Well, the little un’s very bad to be sure. But it don’t -seem to ’ave done the t’other un’ no ’Arm as yet!”] - -[Illustration: _Bill Sykes_ (_reading_). “There are now ten men of the -Bechuanaland Border Police in the whole Bechuanaland Protectorate, four -of whom are doing Customs Duty.”] - -[Illustration: _Street Serio_ (_singing_). “Er--yew will think hov me -and Love me has in dies hov long ago-o-o!”] - -[Illustration: _Old Jones_. “Yes, my Boy, _there’s_ Wine for you, eh? I -bought Ten Pounds of it the other day.” - -_Brown_. “What a _lot_ you must have got!”] - -[Illustration: First Newspaper Boy. “Hullo, Bill! Who’s ’e?” - -Second Newspaper Boy. “I suppose ’e’s the North Pole as ’as just been -Discovered!”] - -[Illustration: “What Bait are yer usin’, Billie?” - -“Cheese.” - -“What are yer tryin’ ter catch--Mice?”] - -[Illustration: A BI-METALLISTIC DISCUSSION. - -_Jim_. “What’s this ere ‘Bi-metallism,’ Bill?” - -_Bill_ (_of superior intelligence_). “Well, yer see, Jim, it’s heither a -Licensed Wittlers’ or a Teetotal Dodge. The Wages’ll be paid in Silver, -and no more Coppers. So you can’t get no arf-pint nor hanythink under a -Sixpence or a Thrip’ny. Then you heither leaves it alone, and takes to -Water like a Duck, or you runs up a score.” - -_Jim_. “Ah! But if there ain’t no more Coppers, ’ow about the ’Buses and -the Hunderground Rileway?” - -_Bill_ (_profoundly_). “Ah!” [Left sitting.]] - -[Illustration: _First Genius to Second Genius_. “Why on Earth do you do -your Hair in that absurd Fashion, Smith?”] - -[Illustration: “Oi tell yez Oi will _not_ clane out me Cell. Oi’d lave -the Jail furrst!”] - -[Illustration: _Small Voice from under the Bed_. “_No_, I will _not_ -come out! I tell you, once and for all.” - -Bernesia. “I _will_ be Master in my own House!”] - -[Illustration: _Photographer_. “I think this is an excellent Portrait of -your Wife.” - -_Mr. Smallweed_. “I don’t know--sort of _repose_ about the mouth that -somehow doesn’t seem right”] - -[Illustration: “Where did yer spend yer ’Olidays, Bob?” - -“Souf o’ Frarnce, o’ course!”] - -[Illustration: HOSPITALITY. - -_Spokesman of Working Men’s Club_ (_on the occasion of their Patron’s -first visit_). “And we ’opes, Sir, as this ’ll be _neither_ the _first_ nor -the _last_ time as you’ll dew us the honner of settin’ among us!”] - -[Illustration: SO INVITING!] - -[Illustration: ’_Bus Conductor_, “Emmersmith! Emmersmith! ’Ere ye are! -Emmersmith!” - -’_Liza Ann_. “Oo er yer callin’ Emmer Smith? Sorcy ’ound!”] - -[Illustration: _Enthusiastic Briton_ (_to seedy American, who has been -running down all our National Monuments_). “But even if our Houses of -Parliament ‘aren’t in it,’ as you say, with the Masonic Temple of -Chicago, surely, Sir, you will admit the Thames Embankment, for -instance----” - -_Seedy American_. “Waal, _guess_ I don’t think so durned much of your -Thames Embankment, neither. It _rained_ all the blarmed time the night I -_slep_ on it.”] - -[Illustration: “Gentlemen, I am ready to admit that his Career in the -Past has not been free from Blemish----”] - -[Illustration: FASHIONABLE AND SEASONABLE. - -Where to Sup _al fresco_ in the Hottest Weather. The “_Whelkome_ Club.”] - -[Illustration: “Tell your Fortune, Pretty Gentleman?”] - -[Illustration: _Clerk of Booking-Office._ “There is -_no_ First Class by this Train, Sir.” - -’_Arry_. “Then wot are _we_ going ter do, Bill?”] - -[Illustration: “THE ANCHOR’S WEIGHED.” - -(_Sketched on an Excursion Steamer._)] - -[Illustration: SOCIAL EVOLUTION - -_Tramp_ (_to benevolent but inquisitive Lady_). “Well you see, Mum, it -were like this. I were a ’Addick Smoker by profession; then I got ill, -and ’ad to go to the ’Orspital; then I sold Cats’ Meat; but some’ow or -other I got into _low water!_”] - -[Illustration: A SKETCH NEAR PICCADILLY.] - -[Illustration: THE MOTOR ’BUS. - -_Fussy Old Gent_. “Hi! Stop! stop! I want to get down.” - -_Driver_. “_I_ can’t stop the bloomin’ thing!!”] - -[Illustration: “Poor likkle Doggie--hasn’t got any Fevvers on!”] - -[Illustration: THE MOTOR ’BUS. - -_Fussy Old Gent_. “Hi! Stop! stop! I want to get down.” - -_Driver_. “I can’t stop the bloomin’ thing!!”] - -[Illustration: SO VERY CONSIDERATE. - -_Stout Coster_. “Where are yer goin’ to, Bill?” - -_Bill_. “Inter the Country for a nice Drive, bein’ Bank ’Olidy.” - -_Stout Coster_. “Same ’ere. I sy! don’t yer think we might swop Misseses -just for a few Hours? It would be so much kinder to the Hanimile!”] - -[Illustration: _Sexton_ (_to a Divine, who was spending his holidays in -the country, and who, on the sudden illness of the Village Parson, -volunteered to take the duties_). “A worse Preacher would have done for -us, Sir, _but we couldn’t get one_!”] - -[Illustration: ZOOLOGY. - -“That’s a Porkypine, Sarah.” - -“No, it ain’t, Bill. It’s a Orstridge!”] - -[Illustration: SONGS AND THEIR SINGERS.] - -[Illustration: 79 SONGS AND THEIR SINGERS.] - -[Illustration: SONGS AND THEIR SINGERS. - -“Oh, rest you merry Gentleman, May nothing you dismay!”] - -[Illustration: “A STUDY IN EXPRESSION.”] - - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg's Humorists of the Pencil: Phil May, by Phil May - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HUMORISTS OF THE PENCIL: PHIL MAY *** - -***** This file should be named 62969-0.txt or 62969-0.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/6/2/9/6/62969/ - -Produced by Chuck Greif (This file was produced from images -available at The Internet Archive) - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: Humorists of the Pencil: Phil May - -Author: Phil May - -Release Date: August 18, 2020 [EBook #62969] -[Last updated: August 27, 2020] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HUMORISTS OF THE PENCIL: PHIL MAY *** - - - - -Produced by Chuck Greif (This file was produced from images -available at The Internet Archive) - - - - - - -</pre> - -<hr class="full" /> - -<h1><span class="boxx">HUMORISTS <small>OF THE</small> PENCIL</span><br /><br /> -<big><b>PHIL MAY</b></big></h1> - -<p class="c"><img src="images/ill_001.jpg" -width="175" -alt="[Image unavailable.]" -/></p> - -<p class="c">LONDON:<br /> -“PUNCH” OFFICE, 10, BOUVERIE STREET, E.C.</p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_002.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_002.jpg" height="512" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>PHIL MAY—By Himself.</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="blk"> -<p>Reproduced from “The History of Punch” by the kind permission of Mr. H. -H. Spielmann, the owner of the original drawings.</p> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_003.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_003.jpg" width="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>“AND SHE OUGHT TO KNOW!”</p> - -<p>“That’s supposed to be a Portograph of Lady Solsbary. But, bless yer, it -ain’t like her a bit in Private!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_004.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_004.jpg" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>PREACHING AND PRACTISING.</p> -</div> -<div class="caption1"> -<p><i>Lady Bountiful</i> (<i>to old Parishioner</i>). “I hope you like our New -Clergyman’s Sermons, Mrs. Brown?”</p> - -<p><i>Mrs. Brown</i>: “Oh yes, my Lady, he do Preach quite beautiful; but then, -you see, he don’t Practise. So when my poor old Man be troubled with the -Rheumatics, I have to send for the Doctor in the Village, and it do come -so very expensive!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_005.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_005.jpg" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>“PLEASE TO REMEMBER THE WAITER.”</p> - -<p>“All right, Sir! My fault!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_006.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_006.jpg" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>FOGGY WEATHER.</p> - -<p>“Has Mr. Smith been here?” “Yes; he was here about an hour ago.” “Was I -with him?”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_007.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_007.jpg" height="506" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>“Penny ’Addick.” “Finen?” “No; thick ’un!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_008.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_008.jpg" height="567" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>A NEGLECTED INDUSTRY.</p> - -<p>“<span class="lftspc">’</span>Ow are yer gettin’ on, Bill?”</p> - -<p>“Ain’t gettin’ on at all. I’m beginnin’ to think as the Publick doesn’t -know what they wants!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_009.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_009.jpg" width="431" height="419" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>BLASÉ</p> -</div> -<div class="caption1"> -<p><i>Kitty</i> (<i>reading a fairy tale</i>). “<span class="lftspc">‘</span>Once upon a time there was a -frog——’<span class="lftspc">”</span></p> - -<p><i>Mabel</i> (<i>interrupting</i>). “I bet it’s a Princess! Go on!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_010.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_010.jpg" width="451" height="565" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>CRUEL!</p> -</div> -<div class="caption1"> -<p><i>Lucullus Brown</i> (<i>on hospitable purpose intent</i>). “Are you Dining -anywhere to-morrow night?”</p> - -<p><i>Jones</i> (<i>not liking to absolutely “give himself away”</i>). “Let me -see”—(<i>considers</i>)—“No; I’m not Dining anywhere to-morrow.”</p> - -<p><i>Lucullus Brown</i> (<i>seeing through the artifice</i>). “Um! Poor chap! How -Hungry you will be!”</p> - -<p>[“<i>Exeunt,—severally</i>.”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_011.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_011.jpg" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>“THE COW WAS THE STAMP TO IMPRESS SUPERIOR BUTTER.”</p> - -<p>“<span class="lftspc">’</span>Arf a pound er Margarine, please; an’ Mother says will yer put the Cow -on it cos she’s got Company!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_012.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_012.jpg" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>Q. E. D.</p> - -<p>“Wha’s up wi’ Sal?” “Ain’t yer ’erd? She’s Married agin!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_013.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_013.jpg" width="481" height="565" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>OF VITAL IMPORTANCE.</p> - -<p>“Hi, Billie! ’<i>Ere’s</i> Cheap Gloves!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_014.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_014.jpg" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>AN IMPORTANT ’JUNCTION.</p> - -<p>“You mind your Fader gets my Boots reddy by Four o’clock, ’cos I’m -goin’ to a Party!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_015.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_015.jpg" height="431" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>AN INFORMAL INTRODUCTION.</p> - -<p>’<i>Arry</i> (<i>shouting across the street to his “Pal”</i>) “Hi! Bill! This is -’er!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_016.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_016.jpg" height="518" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>POLITICS AND GALLANTRY.</p> -</div> -<div class="caption1"> -<p><i>First ’Arry</i>: “Hay, wot’s this ’ere Rosebery a torkin’ abaat? Bless’d -if he ain’t a goin’ to do awy with the Lords!”</p> - -<p><i>Second ’Arry</i>: (<i>more of a Don Juan than a Politician</i>). “Do awy with -the ’ole bloomin’ lot o’ Lords, if he likes, as long as he don’t do awy -with the Lidies!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_017.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_017.jpg" height="560" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>THE PLUNGER.</p> -</div> -<div class="caption1"> -<p><i>First Boy</i> <i>(much interested in the game of Buttons</i>). “<span class="lftspc">’</span>As ’e lost?”</p> - -<p><i>Second Ditto</i>. “Yes; ’e lost all them Buttons what ’e won off Tommy -Crowther yesterday, an’ then ’e cut all the Buttons off ’is Clothes, and -’e’s lost them too!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_018.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_018.jpg" height="547" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p><i>Superior ’Arry</i>. “Cabbie! To the—aw—the Prince of -Wales’s.”</p> - -<p><i>Cabbie</i>-“Marlbro’ ’Ouse, my Lord?”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_019.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_019.jpg" width="517" height="455" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>THE GENIAL SEASON.</p> -</div> -<div class="caption1"> -<p><i>Hungry-looking Acquaintance</i> (<i>with eye to invitation</i>). “So glad to -see you enjoying yourself!”</p> - -<p><i>Fat Chap</i> (<i>evidently doing well</i>). “Wrong again, old Man. I’m enjoying -my Dinner!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_020.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_020.jpg" width="464" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>“Look what I’ve bought you for a Christmas Box!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_021.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_021.jpg" width="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>PAST AND PRESENT.</p> -</div> -<div class="caption1"> -<p><i>Serious and much-Married Man</i>. “My dear Friend, I <i>was</i> astonished to -hear of <i>your</i> dining at Madame Troisétoiles!—a ‘Woman with a Past’ you -know!”</p> - -<p><i>The Friend</i> (<i>Bachelor “unattached”</i>). “Well, you see, old Man, she’s -got a first-rate <i>Chef</i>, so it isn’t her ‘Past’ but her ‘Re-past’ that I -care about.”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_022.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_022.jpg" height="511" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption1"><p><i>Editor of Libellous Rag</i> (<i>who has just received a terrific -but well-deserved kick</i>). “Dud you man thot?”</p> - -<p><i>Colonel McMurder</i>. “Yis, oi <i>dud</i>, you thunderin’ villain!”</p> - -<p><i>Editor</i>. “Oh, very well, thot’s all <i>roight</i>. Oi t’ought it moight av -been wan o’ thim prac-ta-cle jokes”!</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_023.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_023.jpg" width="461" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>“Hi, Billy! are yer Movin’?”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_024.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_024.jpg" height="513" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>SO LIKELY!</p> -</div> -<div class="caption1"> -<p>Scene—<i>Bar of a Railway Refreshment Room.</i></p> - -<p><i>Barmaid</i>. “Tea, Sir?” <i>Mr. Boozy</i>. “Tea!!! ME!!!!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_025.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_025.jpg" height="590" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>BOTANY; OR, A DAY IN THE COUNTRY.</p> - -<p>“Say, Billee, shall we gaver Mushrooms?”</p> - -<p>“Yus. I’m a Beggar to Climb!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_026.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_026.jpg" width="439" height="511" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption1"><p><i>First Boy</i>. “Give us a Bite of your Apple, Bob.”</p> - -<p><i>Second Boy</i>. “Shan’t.”</p> - -<p><i>First Boy</i>. “What for?”</p> - -<p><i>Second Boy</i>. “<span class="lftspc">’</span>Cos yer axed me!”</p> - -<p>(<i>After a pause.</i>)</p> - -<p><i>Small Boy</i>. “Gi’ me a Bite, Bob. I never axed yer!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_027.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_027.jpg" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>A BUSINESS ANNOUNCEMENT.</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_028.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_028.jpg" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>MAY 1. THE SWEEPS’ FESTIVAL.</p> - -<p>A Study in Black and White. ⁂ Nice for Next Fare.</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_029.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_029.jpg" width="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption1"><p> <i>New Assistant</i> (<i>after hair-cutting, to Jones, who has -been away for a couple of weeks</i>). “Your ’Air is very thin be’ind, Sir. -Try Singeing!”</p> - -<p><i>Jones</i> (<i>after a pause</i>). “Yes, I think I will.”</p> - -<p><i>N.A.</i> (<i>after singeing</i>). “Shampoo, Sir? Good for the ’Air, Sir.”</p> - -<p><i>Jones</i>. “Thank you. Yes.”</p> - -<p><i>N.A.</i> “Your Moustaches curled?”</p> - -<p><i>Jones</i>. “Please.”</p> - -<p><i>N.A.</i> “May I give you a Friction?”</p> - -<p><i>Jones</i>. “Thank you.”</p> - -<p><i>N.A.</i> “Will you try some of our——”</p> - -<p><i>Manager</i> (<i>who has just sighted his man, in Stage whisper</i>). “You -Idiot! <i>He’s</i> a Subscriber!!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_030.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_030.jpg" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption1"><p><i>Youngster</i> (<i>who has just had a Penny given to him</i>). -“<span class="lftspc">’</span>Ow much is them Grapes, Mister?”</p> - -<p><i>Shopkeeper</i> (<i>amused</i>). “They are Four Shillings and Sixpence a Pound, -my Lad.”</p> - -<p><i>Youngster</i>. “Well, then, give us a ’A’porth o’ <i>Carrots</i>. I’m a <i>Demon</i> -for <i>Fruit</i>!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_031.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_031.jpg" width="432" height="491" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption1"><p><i>Ragged Urchin</i> (<i>who has just picked up very short and -dirty end of a Cigarette</i>). “Hi, Billy! Look ’ere! See what you’ve -missed!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_032.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_032.jpg" width="497" height="552" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>“<i>Perfeck Lidy</i>” (<i>who has just been ejected</i>). “Well, -<i>next</i> time I goes into a Publickouse, I’ll go somewhere where I’ll be -<i>respected</i>!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_033.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_033.jpg" width="335" height="433" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>A YORKSHIRE GOSSIP.</p> -</div> -<div class="caption1"> -<p><i>First Gossip</i>. “So you was nivver axed tut Funeral?”</p> - -<p><i>Second Gossip</i>. “Nivver as much as inside t’house. But nobbut wait till -<i>we</i> hev’ a Funeral of us own, an’ <i>we</i>’ll show ’em!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_034.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_034.jpg" width="512" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>SO <span class="un">THAT</span> DOESN’T COUNT.</p> - -<p>“Are you sure they’re quite Fresh?” “Wot a Question to arst! Can’t yer -see they’re Alive?”</p> - -<p>“Yes; but you’re <i>Alive</i>, you know!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_035.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_035.jpg" width="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p> A SUNDAY DINNER.</p> -</div> -<div class="caption1"> -<p><i>Father of Family</i> (<i>who has accidentally shot the leg of a Fowl under the table</i>). -“Mind t’Dog doesn’t get it!”</p> - -<p><i>Young Hopeful</i> (<i>triumphantly</i>). “All right, Feyther! I’ve gotten me Foot on it!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_036.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_036.jpg" height="531" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption1"><p><i>Workman</i> (<i>politely, to old Lady, who has accidentally -got into the Smoking Compartment</i>). “You don’ object to my Pipe, I ’ope -Mum?”</p> - -<p><i>Old Lady</i>. “Yes, I <i>do</i> object, very strongly!”</p> - -<p><i>Workman</i>. “Oh! Then out you get!!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_037.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_037.jpg" width="467" height="498" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>REASSURING.</p> - -<p>“Lor’ bless yer, Sir, that’s all right, Sir! <i>That</i> ain’t a Fly, Sir! -<i>That’s</i> a bit of Dirt!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_038.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_038.jpg" width="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>PICKINGS FROM PICARDY.</p> - -<p>After the Procession. A Solo by Grand-père.</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_039.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_039.jpg" width="414" height="511" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>MUCH ADO.</p> - -<p>“Mumma-a-a! Boo-hoo! We’s crying! Tum up ’tairs an’ see what’s de matter -wiv us!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_040.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_040.jpg" width="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p> A SKETCH FROM LIFE.</p> -</div> -<div class="caption1"> -<p><i>Chorus</i> (<i>slow music</i>). “We’ve a rare old—fair old—rickety Crew!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_041.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_041.jpg" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>“<i>Are</i> you comin’ ’ome?”</p> - -<p>“I’ll do ellythik you <i>like</i> in reasol, M’ria—(<i>hic</i>)—Bur I <i>won’t</i> -come ’ome.”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_042.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_042.jpg" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption1"><p><i>Importunate Street Urchin</i> (<i>for the tenth time</i>). “Gi’ -us a Copper. Sir! Gi’ us a Copper!”</p> - -<p><i>Testy Individual</i> (<i>losing patience</i>). “Oh, go to”—(substitutes a -milder form)—“blazes!”</p> - -<p><i>Street Urchin</i>. “Sure thin an’ I would in this bastly could weather, if -I was only certain o’ comin’ back again!” [<i>Individual’s testiness -overcome and Urchin rewarded</i>.</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_043.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_043.jpg" height="506" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>“NICE FOR THE VISITORS.”</p> - -<p>(<i>Sketch Outisde a Fashionable Hotel</i>.)</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_044.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_044.jpg" height="567" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption1"><p><i>Coster</i> (<i>to acquaintance, who has been away for some -months</i>). “Wot are yer bin doin’ all this time?”</p> - -<p><i>Bill Robbins</i> (<i>who has been “doing time”</i>). “Oh, I’ve bin Wheelin’ a -bit, Ole Man—Wheelin’ a bit!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_045.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_045.jpg" width="469" height="547" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>THE GREAT PRIZE FIGHT.</p> -</div> -<div class="caption1"> -<p><i>Johnnie</i> (<i>who finds that his Box, £20, has been appropriated by “the -Fancy”</i>). “I beg your pardon, but this is <i>my</i> Box!”</p> - -<p><i>Bill Basford</i>. “Oh, is it? Well, why don’t you tike it?”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_046.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_046.jpg" height="572" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption1"><p><i>Fussy Old Lady</i>. “Now <i>don’t</i> forget, Conductor. I <i>want -the Bank of England</i>.”</p> - -<p><i>Conductor</i>. “<i>All</i> right, Mum.” (<i>Aside</i>.) “She <i>don’t</i> want <i>much</i>, do -she, Mate?”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_047.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_047.jpg" height="554" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>INFORMATION.</p> -</div> -<div class="caption1"> -<p><i>First ’Arry</i> (<i>with newspaper</i>). “I say, ’Arry, you’se a Toff. What’s a -‘Collar Day’ at Court?”</p> - -<p><i>Second ’Arry</i>. “Donno ’xactly. Suppose it’s a Saturday when things come -’ome from the Wash.”</p> - -<p><i>First ’Arry</i>. “Oh, I see—‘Clean Collar Day’!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_048.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_048.jpg" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p><i>Little Guttersnipe</i> (<i>who is getting quite used to -posing</i>). “Will yer want me ter tike my Bun down?”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_049.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_049.jpg" height="575" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>“EVERYTHING COMES TO HIM THAT ‘WAITS.’<span class="lftspc">”</span></p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_050.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_050.jpg" width="463" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>THE HEALING ART.</p> -</div> -<div class="caption1"> -<p><i>Doctor</i>. “Did you give the Children the Physic I sent last night?”</p> - -<p><i>Fond Mother</i>. “Yes, Sir.”</p> - -<p><i>Doctor</i>. “And how are they to-day?”</p> - -<p><i>Fond Mother</i>. “Well, the little un’s very bad to be sure. But it don’t -seem to ’ave done the t’other un’ no ’Arm as yet!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_051.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_051.jpg" width="468" height="546" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p><i>Bill Sykes</i> (<i>reading</i>). “There are now ten men of the -Bechuanaland Border Police in the whole Bechuanaland Protectorate, four -of whom are doing Customs Duty.”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_052.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_052.jpg" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p><i>Street Serio</i> (<i>singing</i>). “Er—yew will think hov me -and Love me has in dies hov long ago-o-o!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_053.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_053.jpg" width="458" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption1"><p><i>Old Jones</i>. “Yes, my Boy, <i>there’s</i> Wine for you, eh? I -bought Ten Pounds of it the other day.”</p> - -<p><i>Brown</i>. “What a <i>lot</i> you must have got!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_054.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_054.jpg" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>First Newspaper Boy. “Hullo, Bill! Who’s ’e?”</p> - -<p>Second Newspaper Boy. “I suppose ’e’s the North Pole as ’as just been -Discovered!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_055.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_055.jpg" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>“What Bait are yer usin’, Billie?”</p> - -<p>“Cheese.”</p> - -<p>“What are yer tryin’ ter catch—Mice?”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_056.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_056.jpg" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>A BI-METALLISTIC DISCUSSION.</p> -</div> -<div class="caption1"> -<p><i>Jim</i>. “What’s this ere ‘Bi-metallism,’ Bill?”</p> - -<p><i>Bill</i> (<i>of superior intelligence</i>). “Well, yer see, Jim, it’s heither a -Licensed Wittlers’ or a Teetotal Dodge. The Wages’ll be paid in Silver, -and no more Coppers. So you can’t get no arf-pint nor hanythink under a -Sixpence or a Thrip’ny. Then you heither leaves it alone, and takes to -Water like a Duck, or you runs up a score.”</p> - -<p><i>Jim</i>. “Ah! But if there ain’t no more Coppers, ’ow about the ’Buses and -the Hunderground Rileway?”</p> - -<p><i>Bill</i> (<i>profoundly</i>). “Ah!” [Left sitting.</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_057.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_057.jpg" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p><i>First Genius to Second Genius</i>. “Why on Earth do you do -your Hair in that absurd Fashion, Smith?”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_058.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_058.jpg" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>“Oi tell yez Oi will <i>not</i> clane out me Cell. Oi’d lave -the Jail furrst!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_059.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_059.jpg" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption1"><p><i>Small Voice from under the Bed</i>. “<i>No</i>, I will <i>not</i> -come out! I tell you, once and for all.”</p> - -<p>Bernesia. “I <i>will</i> be Master in my own House!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_060.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_060.jpg" width="449" height="533" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption1"><p><i>Photographer</i>. “I think this is an excellent Portrait of -your Wife.”</p> - -<p><i>Mr. Smallweed</i>. “I don’t know—sort of <i>repose</i> about the mouth that -somehow doesn’t seem right”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_061.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_061.jpg" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>“Where did yer spend yer ’Olidays, Bob?”</p> - -<p>“Souf o’ Frarnce, o’ course!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_062.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_062.jpg" height="590" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>HOSPITALITY.</p> - -<p><i>Spokesman of Working Men’s Club</i> (<i>on the occasion of their Patron’s -first visit</i>). “And we ’opes, Sir, as this ’ll be <i>neither</i> the <i>first</i> nor -the <i>last</i> time as you’ll dew us the honner of settin’ among us!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_063.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_063.jpg" width="473" height="529" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>SO INVITING!</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_064.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_064.jpg" height="569" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>’<i>Bus Conductor</i>, “Emmersmith! Emmersmith! ’Ere ye are! -Emmersmith!”</p> - -<p>’<i>Liza Ann</i>. “Oo er yer callin’ Emmer Smith? Sorcy ’ound!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_065.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_065.jpg" height="591" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption1"><p><i>Enthusiastic Briton</i> (<i>to seedy American, who has been -running down all our National Monuments</i>). “But even if our Houses of -Parliament ‘aren’t in it,’ as you say, with the Masonic Temple of -Chicago, surely, Sir, you will admit the Thames Embankment, for -instance——”</p> - -<p><i>Seedy American</i>. “Waal, <i>guess</i> I don’t think so durned much of your -Thames Embankment, neither. It <i>rained</i> all the blarmed time the night I -<i>slep</i> on it.”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_066.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_066.jpg" height="560" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>“Gentlemen, I am ready to admit that his Career in the -Past has not been free from Blemish——”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_067.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_067.jpg" width="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p> FASHIONABLE AND SEASONABLE.</p> - -<p>Where to Sup <i>al fresco</i> in the Hottest Weather. The “<i>Whelkome</i> Club.”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_068.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_068.jpg" width="463" height="541" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>“Tell your Fortune, Pretty Gentleman?”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_069.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_069.jpg" width="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption1"><p><i>Clerk of Booking-Office.</i> “There is -<i>no</i> First Class by this Train, Sir.”</p> -<p> -’<i>Arry</i>. “Then wot are <i>we</i> going ter do, Bill?”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_070.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_070.jpg" height="590" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>“THE ANCHOR’S WEIGHED.”</p> - -<p>(<i>Sketched on an Excursion Steamer.</i>)</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_071.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_071.jpg" width="366" height="545" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>SOCIAL EVOLUTION</p> -</div> -<div class="caption1"> -<p><i>Tramp</i> (<i>to benevolent but inquisitive Lady</i>). “Well you see, Mum, it -were like this. I were a ’Addick Smoker by profession; then I got ill, -and ’ad to go to the ’Orspital; then I sold Cats’ Meat; but some’ow or -other I got into <i>low water!</i>”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_072.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_072.jpg" height="563" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>A SKETCH NEAR PICCADILLY.</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_073.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_073.jpg" width="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p> THE MOTOR ’BUS.</p> -</div> -<div class="caption1"> -<p><i>Fussy Old Gent</i>. “Hi! Stop! stop! I want to get down.”</p> - -<p><i>Driver</i>. “<i>I</i> can’t stop the bloomin’ thing!!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_074.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_074.jpg" width="461" height="577" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>“Poor likkle Doggie—hasn’t got any Fevvers on!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_075.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_075.jpg" height="593" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>SO VERY CONSIDERATE.</p> -</div> -<div class="caption1"> -<p><i>Stout Coster</i>. “Where are yer goin’ to, Bill?”</p> - -<p><i>Bill</i>. “Inter the Country for a nice Drive, bein’ Bank ’Olidy.”</p> - -<p><i>Stout Coster</i>. “Same ’ere. I sy! don’t yer think we might swop Misseses -just for a few Hours? It would be so much kinder to the Hanimile!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_076.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_076.jpg" height="577" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p><i>Sexton</i> (<i>to a Divine, who was spending his holidays in -the country, and who, on the sudden illness of the Village Parson, -volunteered to take the duties</i>). “A worse Preacher would have done for -us, Sir, <i>but we couldn’t get one</i>!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_077.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_077.jpg" height="563" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>ZOOLOGY.</p> - -<p>“That’s a Porkypine, Sarah.”</p> - -<p>“No, it ain’t, Bill. It’s a Orstridge!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_078.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_078.jpg" height="507" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>SONGS AND THEIR SINGERS.</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_079.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_079.jpg" width="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p> SONGS AND THEIR SINGERS.</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_080.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_080.jpg" height="482" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>SONGS AND THEIR SINGERS.</p> - -<p>“Oh, rest you merry Gentleman, May nothing you dismay!”</p></div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<a href="images/ill_081.jpg"> -<img src="images/ill_081.jpg" height="416" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a> -<div class="caption"><p>“A STUDY IN EXPRESSION.”</p></div> -</div> - -<hr class="full" /> - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg's Humorists of the Pencil: Phil May, by Phil May - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HUMORISTS OF THE PENCIL: PHIL MAY *** - -***** This file should be named 62969-h.htm or 62969-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/6/2/9/6/62969/ - -Produced by Chuck Greif (This file was produced from images -available at The Internet Archive) - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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