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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d3e4663 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #63749 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/63749) diff --git a/old/63749-h.zip b/old/63749-h.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 4adf920..0000000 --- a/old/63749-h.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/63749-h/63749-h.htm b/old/63749-h/63749-h.htm deleted file mode 100644 index b631d2a..0000000 --- a/old/63749-h/63749-h.htm +++ /dev/null @@ -1,868 +0,0 @@ -<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" - "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> -<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> - <head> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=us-ascii" /> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> - <title> - The Project Gutenberg eBook of Mimsy's Joke, by Millard Grimes. - </title> - <link rel="coverpage" href="images/cover.jpg" /> - - <style type="text/css"> - -body { - margin-left: 10%; - margin-right: 10%; -} - - h1,h2 { - text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ - clear: both; -} - -p { - margin-top: .51em; - text-align: justify; - margin-bottom: .49em; -} - -hr { - width: 33%; - margin-top: 2em; - margin-bottom: 2em; - margin-left: 33.5%; - margin-right: 33.5%; - clear: both; -} - -hr.chap {width: 65%; margin-left: 17.5%; margin-right: 17.5%;} -hr.tb {width: 45%; margin-left: 27.5%; margin-right: 27.5%;} - -.center {text-align: center;} - -.right {text-align: right;} - -/* Images */ -.figcenter { - margin: auto; - text-align: center; -} - -div.titlepage { - text-align: center; - page-break-before: always; - page-break-after: always; -} - -div.titlepage p { - text-align: center; - text-indent: 0em; - font-weight: bold; - line-height: 1.5; - margin-top: 3em; -} - - - </style> - </head> -<body> - - -<pre> - -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Mimsy's Joke, by Millard Grimes - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: Mimsy's Joke - -Author: Millard Grimes - -Release Date: November 14, 2020 [EBook #63749] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MIMSY'S JOKE *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - -</pre> - - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus.jpg" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="titlepage"> -<h1>MIMSY'S JOKE</h1> - -<p>By MILLARD GRIMES</p> - -<p>Nance smiled foolishly. The long trip back to<br /> -Earth from Mars wouldn't be at all dull. It might<br /> -well be one long delicious chuckle over a great,<br /> -grim and incredible joke. And wouldn't Nance's<br /> -little cocker spaniel appreciate it most of all?</p> - -<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br /> -Planet Stories March 1954.<br /> -Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br /> -the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p> - -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>He was lying in the grass and his cute little cocker spaniel was -nibbling on his ear when the message came. He was breathing the -fragrant air of spring and feeling cool spring breeze and the solid -earth under the grass beneath him, while the dog with doleful eyes -delighted him with her tricks.</p> - -<p>His name was Oscar Nance, and he was the world's top archaeologist. -That was why the message came to him when the UN began selecting a crew -for Earth's first expedition to Mars.</p> - -<p>"We want you," the message read. It was an invitation that was -difficult to refuse. He cuffed the cocker on the ear. She barked softly -and let her tongue hang out at the cutest angle. "Good-bye, Mimsy," he -said. The dog was all he had on this world. "I'll miss you, lady," -Nance told the dog. She licked his hand.</p> - -<p>Then Nance raised his six-three form from the soft grass and started -with a careless gait toward the boarding house where he lived during -infrequent visits to his home town. Usually he took Mimsy with him on -his trips but he knew this trip would not be available for pets.</p> - -<p>He stopped at the house and told his landlady to be sure and take care -of the dog while he was gone. "I sure will," the landlady told him. She -already had Mimsy's supper of liver and dog biscuits waiting on the -hearth.</p> - -<p>A day later, Oscar Nance became a part of man's grandest adventure....</p> - -<p>The place where the first earth ship to Mars landed was very cold and -very dead. The commander of the expedition was a gruff, retired Army -general who had a smattering of science and a great deal of command. -His crew, with the exception of two handy men, was composed of the -leading persons in all branches of Terran science. None of them were -women, and most of them were young.</p> - -<p>Oscar Nance was 34. He had been around the world 10 times, with -particular emphasis on Easter Island and the Antarctica.</p> - -<p>The ship had taken two weeks to bridge the gap between Earth and -Mars. The voyage had been smooth. Every man aboard knew his job, and -they were following a plan that the U.N. had worked on for 20 years. -Boone, the commander, had been a top general in World War III. He was -efficient, stern, colorless to the point that he was almost colorful.</p> - -<p>Immediately upon landing, Boone had dispatched two cats to take the -first steps onto Mars. The cats suffered no ill effects, and now the -Commander was preparing for the crew to explore the new world.</p> - -<p>He pointed to Nance and Zoologist Braun. "You, Nance, and Braun, and -myself, will form one group," he said. He quickly divided the remaining -twelve men into three groups. One was to stay at the ship, the other -two would be exploring units.</p> - -<p>When the small group of Earthmen descended from the ship to alien soil, -Commander Boone's businesslike manner seemed to take much of the -glamour from the moment. "No heroics, Commander?" Physicist Allgood -asked.</p> - -<p>Boone was not a man for ceremony. "We're here," he said. "We must see -what is here. We must get back."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>What was there was not a great deal. Some vegetation did exist, and -there was a thin coat of snow spread over the few scraggly trees. -Commander Boone surveyed the surrounding land through his spyglass, -then suddenly lowered it with a set expression on his face. "There's -a city to the North," he announced. He checked the group's immediate -enthusiasm with a harsh bellow. "There's no movement there," he barked. -"And from the looks of the buildings there's been no life there for -centuries. However, if there is intelligent life, we will find it -there, but it may not be friendly."</p> - -<p>Boone studied the buildings to the North for another moment, then -turned to Nance and Braun. "We three will explore the city," he rasped -into the thin air. "You others will fan out in other directions and -meet back here in an hour." He paused emphatically. "If we do not come -back, bring every weapon in the ship when you come to get us. I repeat, -life here, if any, may not be friendly. That is why we can't afford to -risk the whole party on an expedition to the city."</p> - -<p>Nance and Braun followed the stern old General as he set out on foot -in a northward direction. The other parties went their own way. The -three men spoke sparingly during the hour's walk to the buildings. -Mars was too quiet, almost like a funeral parlor, Nance thought, and -perhaps the corpses were waiting on their slabs in the city now rising -before them. The air was tolerable but cold, and the sun was fighting -a losing battle with a heavy fog. Nance finally made out the form of -the structures when they were only a mile away. As they drew nearer, he -noticed that the buildings were made of solid stone, apparently, and -rivaled the pyramids in height. There were gigantic cracks in the walls -of many, and a few had crumbled to the ground.</p> - -<p>As the three entered the city, Nance dropped to his knees and examined -the stone closely. "Good Lord," he gasped. "Mars must have been -deserted for thousands of years. It would require that long for stone -like this to deteriorate."</p> - -<p>Boone stared at the winding street between the fallen buildings. "Then -no intelligent life exists here," he said.</p> - -<p>Braun looked up from a small flower which he'd found. "I challenge that -statement, Commander," he said. "Life could exist here today. Perhaps -the life that is here just doesn't know how to keep house very well, -and let the work of its ancestors go to ruin."</p> - -<p>"Well, then, let's investigate," Boone ordered. He led the way into the -nearest structure, a gnarled hand falling close to the automatic which -hung at his side. But there was nothing in the building save the rubble -of a dead civilization and rusted machines which once must have given -life and meaning to Mars.</p> - -<p>They left and went on to the second building. Here they found life.</p> - -<p>Life was in a back room that had one small window to admit light. Nance -entered. The light was so dim that he did not see it at first. He saw -it when it moved, slowly, clumsily in a far corner, as if awaking from -a long sleep. Nance quickly shone his flashlight over the room and onto -the life.</p> - -<p>"Commander Boone, Braun, come here," he shouted. The other two men were -at his side almost instantly.</p> - -<p>Nance directed his beam of light to the face of the creature in the -corner. The creature looked remarkably like a man. He had huge jowls -and long overlapping ears, and was somewhat fat. He blinked tiny eyes -at the light for a moment and finally managed to get a look at his -visitors.</p> - -<p>In English, he growled, "So you've come at last." The flash quivered -in Nance's hand. He remembered his first trip into the pyramids, and -suddenly he knew how he would have felt if King Tut's mummy had spoken -to him—in English.</p> - -<p>Boone's voice quavered. "It speaks English. That's not possible."</p> - -<p>It was gruff, drawling English, sometimes not plain, but it was -English. And it kept coming. "I've waited so long," the creature -said. He lifted an arm in welcome. Nance noted the fingers were joined -together. "I've waited and paid with each moment for an error my -ancestors made." He moved his shaggy head and surveyed the crumbled -room. "Now my abode is not fit to receive guests," he rumbled.</p> - -<p>"Who.... What are you?" Commander Boone managed, making a gallant -effort to sound authoritative.</p> - -<p>Braun suddenly laughed. "He looks like a comic strip St. Bernard," he -roared, and then laughed some more at the thought. Boone glared at him, -obviously not sharing his mirth.</p> - -<p>The creature laughed also. He leaned his head back and laughed -uproariously. "My name is Staang," he said. "I am a Martian ... -naturally ... in your language. And I am something more than a Martian -in your language." A new wave of laughter shook the creature.</p> - -<p>"Are there any more here like you?" Commander Boone demanded.</p> - -<p>"A few, just a few," Staang said. "But won't you sit down. There's not -much to offer you in the way of comfort, but the floor will do. There -must be things you'd like to ask me."</p> - -<p>Staang rose to his feet with evident effort. "Moving," he grunted, "how -I detest moving." He took a box from an indenture in the wall and began -eating the contents, apparently a type of meat. He ate the bone and -all. Staang glared at his guests through shaggy eyebrows and smiled. -"You're puzzled," he said. "You don't understand my knowing about you, -do you?" He seemed extremely pleased with himself.</p> - -<p>Nance began doing the talking. "Do you mean Martians have visited the -Earth?" he asked.</p> - -<p>Staang chuckled loudly. "Yes ... yes, I do mean that. Come, let me tell -you a story, my friends. I am sure you will find it most interesting."</p> - -<p>"Wait a minute," Boone barked, his hand now touching his gun. "We're -here for facts. You're coming back to our ship—peacefully or by force."</p> - -<p>"Peacefully, I assure you, Commander," Staang said. "But my story—"</p> - -<p>"Let him tell it," Braun said. "Maybe it will explain things. And a lot -needs explaining. He seems to have been expecting us."</p> - -<p>"I have, I have," the Martian muttered, disposing of the last of his -food. He threw the box into a corner already piled high with rubble. -"You saw the buildings here in this ... what was once a great city. -These buildings are a few which are left of a civilization which grew -weary. 'Twas not a young race as the one which fostered your world, but -an old race which tired of working—even of thinking. The civilization -went untended, until finally my ancestors decided they would have -to invade another world to find servants to relieve Martians of the -work—and the thinking—which they had grown to dislike so much. They -reasoned that with proper servants they would have nothing to do but -eat and sleep as they wanted.</p> - -<p>"So my people invaded another planet."</p> - -<p>"You had space travel then?" Boone demanded. "How long ago was this?"</p> - -<p>"Three thousand ... maybe four thousand years ago as you count time."</p> - -<p>"But with space travel four thousand years ago," Nance stammered, -"it seems the first planet you would have visited would have been -ours—Earth."</p> - -<p>Staang laughed again. "Perhaps it was," he said. "But let me finish my -story."</p> - -<p>"As I said, my people were fat and lazy, as I am now. Thus, open -fighting as a means of bringing another race to be our slaves was out -of the question. They had to find another way. And they did.</p> - -<p>"Our first troops were sent to Agar, and they reported very -satisfactory results. Soon, practically the whole population migrated -to Agar and the Agarians became our slaves. A few Martians, such as my -ancestors, remained here. They kept the record of this invasion and -also recorded all correspondence between this planet and Agar. Ah, -would they had gone also, so that today I would have nothing to do but -eat and sleep, as most of my race does—on Agar." He yawned at the -thought. "Do not think badly of my race," he implored suddenly. "Some -day your people also will grow old and tired."</p> - -<p>Boone grabbed Staang by the arm and shook him firmly. "But where does -Earth come in?" he demanded.</p> - -<p>Staang gazed at the stern old General and then once again burst into -peals of laughter. "You see," he giggled. "We Martians have another -name for your Earth. We call it Agar. Your world is the one my -ancestors invaded thousands of years ago. Your people are my people's -slaves until today."</p> - -<p>"Wh ... what is he saying?" Nance stammered.</p> - -<p>"You're crazy," Boone bellowed. "Now I know that you are crazy."</p> - -<p>"That was the nice thing about our invasion." Staang explained -patiently. "The Earthmen did not even realize that they were being -invaded—do not even realize today that they are slaves. My people, -in their long stay on Earth, have grown even lazier, and particularly -their brains have become sluggish during the long years of inaction. -Also there have been slight handicaps incurred because of conditions on -your world.</p> - -<p>"For thousands of years there was regular communication between this -planet and our invaders on Earth. The records were kept faithfully -by the few Martians remaining here, and in my long years of almost -complete solitude I learned your language and the history of my people -on your world. I knew that perhaps in my lifetime Earthmen would reach -this planet. One of my people predicted in 1396 that your world would -attain space travel in the latter part of the 20th century."</p> - -<p>Nance stumbled for words. What creatures of Earth could this being be -speaking of, that had such power and progress.</p> - -<p>But Staang was talking again in his gruff tones. "Correspondence -ceased before my birth. I suppose my people grew too lazy, but the -main objective had been reached. There is no work for the higher class -Martians on your world, only an easy life with servants plenteous."</p> - -<p>"Wait," spoke up Braun. "You said higher class Martian. Are there -different breeds?"</p> - -<p>"Oh, there are many breeds of Martians. Naturally, we had a slave type -here in the height of our civilization, and these slaves were worked -into your scheme of things to continue being slaves. They aid you -Earthmen so that you may better serve the aristocrat Martians."</p> - -<p>"But why haven't we seen the Martians?" Braun exclaimed. "I've seen -nothing on Earth like you."</p> - -<p>"No?" said Staang. "Our records say you Earthmen love us and are happy -to serve."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Nance had been studying Staang's features with a practiced eye, the -incredibility of his thoughts silencing his tongue.</p> - -<p>But suddenly he realized that the creature was telling the truth—to -a point. He knew that the Martians had invaded Earth. "Look at him, -Commander," Nance said. "Don't you see the resemblance. Martians are on -Earth, but we call them—"</p> - -<p>"Good Grief!" exclaimed Commander Boone.</p> - -<p>Staang snickered. "You call us 'Man's Best Friend,' I believe," he -offered.</p> - -<p>Braun gasped, "<i>Dogs</i>."</p> - -<p>"Of course," Nance said. "Notice Staang's droopy ears, the long nose, -his hands and feet resemble paws. And since Earth's gravity is greater -than Mars', wouldn't that tend to pull a person's arms toward the -ground, making them essentially four-footed, instead of two-armed and -two-legged as Staang still is.</p> - -<p>"That's what happened to the Martians when they came to Earth, but I -don't suppose they cared. It probably made it easier to walk, and they -got what they wanted. After all, don't we feed the dogs, provide them -a place to sleep. They have no real work to do, and only a few are -mistreated. Hounds and others of that type must be the slaves Staang -is speaking of. The poodles, terriers, and cockers—those strictly -pets—must be the higher type." He almost choked when he got to cocker. -He tried not to think of Mimsy as an invader, with him as her slave, -but he realized that it amounted to that. Now the landlady was being -her slave.</p> - -<p>Braun couldn't restrain another wild laugh as he stared at Staang. -"Why, he is a St. Bernard," he roared.</p> - -<p>A bewildered expression covered Boone's stern face. "The irony," he -gasped. "But you're right. The dogs do lead the kind of life on Earth -that would be desirable to creatures grown too lazy to even think. But -to imagine that the ancestors of our dogs once built this city. It's -incredible."</p> - -<p>"Good Lord," Braun remarked. "Here we have been expecting and talking -about invasions from Mars for years, and we'd already been invaded -centuries ago. What a laugh they must have had."</p> - -<p>Staang was listening in obvious amusement. "Our invasion was logical," -he said. "Done in a way so as not to offend anyone. Although one -creature has resented our invasion and fought as continually. It is -called a flea, I believe. But the records say men have done everything -possible to rid us of this pest."</p> - -<p>"Even the great rulers of your land, who are waited on hand and foot, -are servants of we Martians."</p> - -<p>Boone raised his hand for silence. His features were crestfallen. His -expedition had not uncovered what Earth would be glad to hear. "We must -go," he said, but the old authority was gone from his voice.</p> - -<p>Staang raised himself to elbows. "Wait, will you not take me with you?"</p> - -<p>Boone paused and looked back at the shaggy figure in the gloom. He -could see Staang trudging a snowy path with a keg of brandy around his -neck. Almost instinctively he patted Staang on the head. "No, old boy," -he said. "You stay here and put this in the record."</p> - -<p>Braun whispered to Nance, "Evidently the Commander has a dog to whom -he's not so stern."</p> - -<p>They left Staang to his food and sleep. There was nothing of much -interest on Mars except the old, old cities so long deserted.</p> - -<p>So the great expedition departed, to go back to Earth to see the -invaders—the Martians they had traveled 38,000,000 miles to see on -another world. They wanted to tell Earth of the grim and incredible -joke that had been played on her ... and Nance meant to have a long -talk with Mimsy.</p> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Mimsy's Joke, by Millard Grimes - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MIMSY'S JOKE *** - -***** This file should be named 63749-h.htm or 63749-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/6/3/7/4/63749/ - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: Mimsy's Joke - -Author: Millard Grimes - -Release Date: November 14, 2020 [EBook #63749] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MIMSY'S JOKE *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - - - - - MIMSY'S JOKE - - By MILLARD GRIMES - - Nance smiled foolishly. The long trip back to - Earth from Mars wouldn't be at all dull. It might - well be one long delicious chuckle over a great, - grim and incredible joke. And wouldn't Nance's - little cocker spaniel appreciate it most of all? - - [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from - Planet Stories March 1954. - Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that - the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] - -He was lying in the grass and his cute little cocker spaniel was -nibbling on his ear when the message came. He was breathing the -fragrant air of spring and feeling cool spring breeze and the solid -earth under the grass beneath him, while the dog with doleful eyes -delighted him with her tricks. - -His name was Oscar Nance, and he was the world's top archaeologist. -That was why the message came to him when the UN began selecting a crew -for Earth's first expedition to Mars. - -"We want you," the message read. It was an invitation that was -difficult to refuse. He cuffed the cocker on the ear. She barked softly -and let her tongue hang out at the cutest angle. "Good-bye, Mimsy," he -said. The dog was all he had on this world. "I'll miss you, lady," -Nance told the dog. She licked his hand. - -Then Nance raised his six-three form from the soft grass and started -with a careless gait toward the boarding house where he lived during -infrequent visits to his home town. Usually he took Mimsy with him on -his trips but he knew this trip would not be available for pets. - -He stopped at the house and told his landlady to be sure and take care -of the dog while he was gone. "I sure will," the landlady told him. She -already had Mimsy's supper of liver and dog biscuits waiting on the -hearth. - -A day later, Oscar Nance became a part of man's grandest adventure.... - -The place where the first earth ship to Mars landed was very cold and -very dead. The commander of the expedition was a gruff, retired Army -general who had a smattering of science and a great deal of command. -His crew, with the exception of two handy men, was composed of the -leading persons in all branches of Terran science. None of them were -women, and most of them were young. - -Oscar Nance was 34. He had been around the world 10 times, with -particular emphasis on Easter Island and the Antarctica. - -The ship had taken two weeks to bridge the gap between Earth and -Mars. The voyage had been smooth. Every man aboard knew his job, and -they were following a plan that the U.N. had worked on for 20 years. -Boone, the commander, had been a top general in World War III. He was -efficient, stern, colorless to the point that he was almost colorful. - -Immediately upon landing, Boone had dispatched two cats to take the -first steps onto Mars. The cats suffered no ill effects, and now the -Commander was preparing for the crew to explore the new world. - -He pointed to Nance and Zoologist Braun. "You, Nance, and Braun, and -myself, will form one group," he said. He quickly divided the remaining -twelve men into three groups. One was to stay at the ship, the other -two would be exploring units. - -When the small group of Earthmen descended from the ship to alien soil, -Commander Boone's businesslike manner seemed to take much of the -glamour from the moment. "No heroics, Commander?" Physicist Allgood -asked. - -Boone was not a man for ceremony. "We're here," he said. "We must see -what is here. We must get back." - - * * * * * - -What was there was not a great deal. Some vegetation did exist, and -there was a thin coat of snow spread over the few scraggly trees. -Commander Boone surveyed the surrounding land through his spyglass, -then suddenly lowered it with a set expression on his face. "There's -a city to the North," he announced. He checked the group's immediate -enthusiasm with a harsh bellow. "There's no movement there," he barked. -"And from the looks of the buildings there's been no life there for -centuries. However, if there is intelligent life, we will find it -there, but it may not be friendly." - -Boone studied the buildings to the North for another moment, then -turned to Nance and Braun. "We three will explore the city," he rasped -into the thin air. "You others will fan out in other directions and -meet back here in an hour." He paused emphatically. "If we do not come -back, bring every weapon in the ship when you come to get us. I repeat, -life here, if any, may not be friendly. That is why we can't afford to -risk the whole party on an expedition to the city." - -Nance and Braun followed the stern old General as he set out on foot -in a northward direction. The other parties went their own way. The -three men spoke sparingly during the hour's walk to the buildings. -Mars was too quiet, almost like a funeral parlor, Nance thought, and -perhaps the corpses were waiting on their slabs in the city now rising -before them. The air was tolerable but cold, and the sun was fighting -a losing battle with a heavy fog. Nance finally made out the form of -the structures when they were only a mile away. As they drew nearer, he -noticed that the buildings were made of solid stone, apparently, and -rivaled the pyramids in height. There were gigantic cracks in the walls -of many, and a few had crumbled to the ground. - -As the three entered the city, Nance dropped to his knees and examined -the stone closely. "Good Lord," he gasped. "Mars must have been -deserted for thousands of years. It would require that long for stone -like this to deteriorate." - -Boone stared at the winding street between the fallen buildings. "Then -no intelligent life exists here," he said. - -Braun looked up from a small flower which he'd found. "I challenge that -statement, Commander," he said. "Life could exist here today. Perhaps -the life that is here just doesn't know how to keep house very well, -and let the work of its ancestors go to ruin." - -"Well, then, let's investigate," Boone ordered. He led the way into the -nearest structure, a gnarled hand falling close to the automatic which -hung at his side. But there was nothing in the building save the rubble -of a dead civilization and rusted machines which once must have given -life and meaning to Mars. - -They left and went on to the second building. Here they found life. - -Life was in a back room that had one small window to admit light. Nance -entered. The light was so dim that he did not see it at first. He saw -it when it moved, slowly, clumsily in a far corner, as if awaking from -a long sleep. Nance quickly shone his flashlight over the room and onto -the life. - -"Commander Boone, Braun, come here," he shouted. The other two men were -at his side almost instantly. - -Nance directed his beam of light to the face of the creature in the -corner. The creature looked remarkably like a man. He had huge jowls -and long overlapping ears, and was somewhat fat. He blinked tiny eyes -at the light for a moment and finally managed to get a look at his -visitors. - -In English, he growled, "So you've come at last." The flash quivered -in Nance's hand. He remembered his first trip into the pyramids, and -suddenly he knew how he would have felt if King Tut's mummy had spoken -to him--in English. - -Boone's voice quavered. "It speaks English. That's not possible." - -It was gruff, drawling English, sometimes not plain, but it was -English. And it kept coming. "I've waited so long," the creature -said. He lifted an arm in welcome. Nance noted the fingers were joined -together. "I've waited and paid with each moment for an error my -ancestors made." He moved his shaggy head and surveyed the crumbled -room. "Now my abode is not fit to receive guests," he rumbled. - -"Who.... What are you?" Commander Boone managed, making a gallant -effort to sound authoritative. - -Braun suddenly laughed. "He looks like a comic strip St. Bernard," he -roared, and then laughed some more at the thought. Boone glared at him, -obviously not sharing his mirth. - -The creature laughed also. He leaned his head back and laughed -uproariously. "My name is Staang," he said. "I am a Martian ... -naturally ... in your language. And I am something more than a Martian -in your language." A new wave of laughter shook the creature. - -"Are there any more here like you?" Commander Boone demanded. - -"A few, just a few," Staang said. "But won't you sit down. There's not -much to offer you in the way of comfort, but the floor will do. There -must be things you'd like to ask me." - -Staang rose to his feet with evident effort. "Moving," he grunted, "how -I detest moving." He took a box from an indenture in the wall and began -eating the contents, apparently a type of meat. He ate the bone and -all. Staang glared at his guests through shaggy eyebrows and smiled. -"You're puzzled," he said. "You don't understand my knowing about you, -do you?" He seemed extremely pleased with himself. - -Nance began doing the talking. "Do you mean Martians have visited the -Earth?" he asked. - -Staang chuckled loudly. "Yes ... yes, I do mean that. Come, let me tell -you a story, my friends. I am sure you will find it most interesting." - -"Wait a minute," Boone barked, his hand now touching his gun. "We're -here for facts. You're coming back to our ship--peacefully or by force." - -"Peacefully, I assure you, Commander," Staang said. "But my story--" - -"Let him tell it," Braun said. "Maybe it will explain things. And a lot -needs explaining. He seems to have been expecting us." - -"I have, I have," the Martian muttered, disposing of the last of his -food. He threw the box into a corner already piled high with rubble. -"You saw the buildings here in this ... what was once a great city. -These buildings are a few which are left of a civilization which grew -weary. 'Twas not a young race as the one which fostered your world, but -an old race which tired of working--even of thinking. The civilization -went untended, until finally my ancestors decided they would have -to invade another world to find servants to relieve Martians of the -work--and the thinking--which they had grown to dislike so much. They -reasoned that with proper servants they would have nothing to do but -eat and sleep as they wanted. - -"So my people invaded another planet." - -"You had space travel then?" Boone demanded. "How long ago was this?" - -"Three thousand ... maybe four thousand years ago as you count time." - -"But with space travel four thousand years ago," Nance stammered, -"it seems the first planet you would have visited would have been -ours--Earth." - -Staang laughed again. "Perhaps it was," he said. "But let me finish my -story." - -"As I said, my people were fat and lazy, as I am now. Thus, open -fighting as a means of bringing another race to be our slaves was out -of the question. They had to find another way. And they did. - -"Our first troops were sent to Agar, and they reported very -satisfactory results. Soon, practically the whole population migrated -to Agar and the Agarians became our slaves. A few Martians, such as my -ancestors, remained here. They kept the record of this invasion and -also recorded all correspondence between this planet and Agar. Ah, -would they had gone also, so that today I would have nothing to do but -eat and sleep, as most of my race does--on Agar." He yawned at the -thought. "Do not think badly of my race," he implored suddenly. "Some -day your people also will grow old and tired." - -Boone grabbed Staang by the arm and shook him firmly. "But where does -Earth come in?" he demanded. - -Staang gazed at the stern old General and then once again burst into -peals of laughter. "You see," he giggled. "We Martians have another -name for your Earth. We call it Agar. Your world is the one my -ancestors invaded thousands of years ago. Your people are my people's -slaves until today." - -"Wh ... what is he saying?" Nance stammered. - -"You're crazy," Boone bellowed. "Now I know that you are crazy." - -"That was the nice thing about our invasion." Staang explained -patiently. "The Earthmen did not even realize that they were being -invaded--do not even realize today that they are slaves. My people, -in their long stay on Earth, have grown even lazier, and particularly -their brains have become sluggish during the long years of inaction. -Also there have been slight handicaps incurred because of conditions on -your world. - -"For thousands of years there was regular communication between this -planet and our invaders on Earth. The records were kept faithfully -by the few Martians remaining here, and in my long years of almost -complete solitude I learned your language and the history of my people -on your world. I knew that perhaps in my lifetime Earthmen would reach -this planet. One of my people predicted in 1396 that your world would -attain space travel in the latter part of the 20th century." - -Nance stumbled for words. What creatures of Earth could this being be -speaking of, that had such power and progress. - -But Staang was talking again in his gruff tones. "Correspondence -ceased before my birth. I suppose my people grew too lazy, but the -main objective had been reached. There is no work for the higher class -Martians on your world, only an easy life with servants plenteous." - -"Wait," spoke up Braun. "You said higher class Martian. Are there -different breeds?" - -"Oh, there are many breeds of Martians. Naturally, we had a slave type -here in the height of our civilization, and these slaves were worked -into your scheme of things to continue being slaves. They aid you -Earthmen so that you may better serve the aristocrat Martians." - -"But why haven't we seen the Martians?" Braun exclaimed. "I've seen -nothing on Earth like you." - -"No?" said Staang. "Our records say you Earthmen love us and are happy -to serve." - - * * * * * - -Nance had been studying Staang's features with a practiced eye, the -incredibility of his thoughts silencing his tongue. - -But suddenly he realized that the creature was telling the truth--to -a point. He knew that the Martians had invaded Earth. "Look at him, -Commander," Nance said. "Don't you see the resemblance. Martians are on -Earth, but we call them--" - -"Good Grief!" exclaimed Commander Boone. - -Staang snickered. "You call us 'Man's Best Friend,' I believe," he -offered. - -Braun gasped, "_Dogs_." - -"Of course," Nance said. "Notice Staang's droopy ears, the long nose, -his hands and feet resemble paws. And since Earth's gravity is greater -than Mars', wouldn't that tend to pull a person's arms toward the -ground, making them essentially four-footed, instead of two-armed and -two-legged as Staang still is. - -"That's what happened to the Martians when they came to Earth, but I -don't suppose they cared. It probably made it easier to walk, and they -got what they wanted. After all, don't we feed the dogs, provide them -a place to sleep. They have no real work to do, and only a few are -mistreated. Hounds and others of that type must be the slaves Staang -is speaking of. The poodles, terriers, and cockers--those strictly -pets--must be the higher type." He almost choked when he got to cocker. -He tried not to think of Mimsy as an invader, with him as her slave, -but he realized that it amounted to that. Now the landlady was being -her slave. - -Braun couldn't restrain another wild laugh as he stared at Staang. -"Why, he is a St. Bernard," he roared. - -A bewildered expression covered Boone's stern face. "The irony," he -gasped. "But you're right. The dogs do lead the kind of life on Earth -that would be desirable to creatures grown too lazy to even think. But -to imagine that the ancestors of our dogs once built this city. It's -incredible." - -"Good Lord," Braun remarked. "Here we have been expecting and talking -about invasions from Mars for years, and we'd already been invaded -centuries ago. What a laugh they must have had." - -Staang was listening in obvious amusement. "Our invasion was logical," -he said. "Done in a way so as not to offend anyone. Although one -creature has resented our invasion and fought as continually. It is -called a flea, I believe. But the records say men have done everything -possible to rid us of this pest." - -"Even the great rulers of your land, who are waited on hand and foot, -are servants of we Martians." - -Boone raised his hand for silence. His features were crestfallen. His -expedition had not uncovered what Earth would be glad to hear. "We must -go," he said, but the old authority was gone from his voice. - -Staang raised himself to elbows. "Wait, will you not take me with you?" - -Boone paused and looked back at the shaggy figure in the gloom. He -could see Staang trudging a snowy path with a keg of brandy around his -neck. Almost instinctively he patted Staang on the head. "No, old boy," -he said. "You stay here and put this in the record." - -Braun whispered to Nance, "Evidently the Commander has a dog to whom -he's not so stern." - -They left Staang to his food and sleep. There was nothing of much -interest on Mars except the old, old cities so long deserted. - -So the great expedition departed, to go back to Earth to see the -invaders--the Martians they had traveled 38,000,000 miles to see on -another world. They wanted to tell Earth of the grim and incredible -joke that had been played on her ... and Nance meant to have a long -talk with Mimsy. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Mimsy's Joke, by Millard Grimes - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MIMSY'S JOKE *** - -***** This file should be named 63749.txt or 63749.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/6/3/7/4/63749/ - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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