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-The Project Gutenberg eBook of Chambers's Journal of Popular Literature,
-Science, and Art, Fifth Series, No. 6, Vol. I, February 9, 1884, by Various
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
-most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
-of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you
-will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before
-using this eBook.
-
-Title: Chambers's Journal of Popular Literature, Science, and Art,
- Fifth Series, No. 6, Vol. I, February 9, 1884
-
-Author: Various
-
-Release Date: April 03, 2021 [eBook #64975]
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: UTF-8
-
-Produced by: Susan Skinner, Eric Hutton and the Online Distributed
- Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was
- produced from images generously made available by The Internet
- Archive)
-
-*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CHAMBERS'S JOURNAL OF POPULAR
-LITERATURE, SCIENCE, AND ART, FIFTH SERIES, NO. 6, VOL. I, FEBRUARY 9,
-1884 ***
-
-
-
-
-[Illustration: CHAMBERS’S JOURNAL
-
-OF
-
-POPULAR
-
-LITERATURE, SCIENCE, AND ART
-
-Fifth Series
-
-ESTABLISHED BY WILLIAM AND ROBERT CHAMBERS, 1832
-
-CONDUCTED BY R. CHAMBERS (SECUNDUS)
-
-NO. 6.—VOL. I. SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 9, 1884. PRICE 1½_d._]
-
-
-
-
-CIRCULATING-LIBRARY CRITICS.
-
-
-It appears to be a mania with some people to criticise everything which
-comes in their way, no matter whether it be the last new bonnet of Mrs
-Smith, the pug dog possessed by Mr Jones, or the last new novel by
-Mr Brown; and as a true specimen of the ready-made critic, we might
-cite those interesting individuals who, having more time upon their
-hands than they can comfortably get rid of, endeavour to dispose of
-some of the surplus stock by subscribing to a circulating library, and
-diligently ‘cutting-up’ and otherwise abusing every author they read.
-Novels, of course, are the principal dish of these readers; and it must
-candidly be admitted that some of the notes pencilled in the margins
-are not altogether uncalled for; though some of them are decidedly
-personal, not to say unpleasant; while others, on the contrary, only
-raise a smile, and if particularly ridiculous, are underlined by some
-sarcastic reader, in order to call more attention to the blunder, which
-has probably been committed by some indolent and not very well-informed
-critic.
-
-But taken as a whole, this criticism, although in some cases severe,
-is but the echo of public opinion, and as such, is entitled to
-consideration, no matter how humble the source may appear from which
-it springs; and we know of nothing more enjoyable than a well-read
-book, which has been some ten or twelve months in circulation. And
-such a book would without doubt prove of great service to its author,
-could he by any means get hold of a copy; for he would then have the
-opportunity of judging for himself how his work was appreciated by the
-public; and although some of the remarks would doubtless cause him
-annoyance, he should remember that they are the candid opinion of the
-readers through whose hands the work has passed. And if he has good
-sense and a desire to please the public, he would avail himself of
-those critical remarks which seemed to be just, and alter the text in
-any future editions. It is an author’s place to write his work to the
-best of his ability, and that of his readers to criticise it after it
-has appeared in print. Whether the book be good or bad, the author may
-be sure that he will have a faithful and industrious army of critics in
-the shape of subscribers to circulating libraries, who will diligently
-search out all its little defects, and display them in the margin for
-the edification of the next reader, who in turn will try his best to
-discover something which the other has passed over, and triumphantly
-display it in a similar manner. Although ‘the stone that is rolling’
-is said to gather no moss, it is a far different thing with a novel;
-for the faster it passes from hand to hand, the more and more abundant
-becomes its crop; and at a seaside watering-place, the writer has seen
-blank sheets of letter-paper inserted between some of the leaves,
-because the margins were already too crowded, to admit of some reader
-adding his mite to the evidence there accumulated!
-
-This is why we suppose it might be advantageous to an author to get
-hold of a copy of his work which has been through a like ordeal; and
-let him remember at the same time that his book has probably travelled
-through the hands of some people who are intimately acquainted with
-certain subjects upon which it treats, and whose opinion is not to be
-lightly passed over. As some of the novelists of the present day seem
-to think the law a machine which they can work upon as they choose,
-without the slightest regard to facts, it might be recommended to
-them either to study the subject seriously, or submit any notes which
-may appear upon this subject in the margins of their works, to an
-experienced lawyer; and in nine cases out of ten, the author will find
-that the readers’ notes are correct. This may be taken as a proof that
-people, although they may pass rough criticism upon the characters,
-situation, and general plot of a novel, are not so eager to criticise
-points which touch upon the law, physic, &c., unless they thoroughly
-understand the subject. As an instance of this, we have heard of a
-doctor who would never read a new novel by a certain author, because
-in a former work this gentleman had murdered a man in a manner which
-my friend described as being ‘utterly ridiculous;’ for the poison
-administered, and of which the character in the novel died, would not
-in reality ‘have killed a cat.’
-
-These remarks may serve to show that the public, although they may
-accept a taking title, a pretty cover, and a pound or so of toned
-paper, as a novel, will also exercise their right of picking its
-contents to pieces as soon as possible. To show with what diligence
-some of them do so, we quote the following: ‘The red rose actually
-_died_ the captain’s cheeks.’ The word in italics is underlined in the
-book, and altered in the margin to _dyed_. This, of course, is merely
-a printer’s error; but it serves to show how the circulating-library
-critic delights in ‘cutting-up’ the work of other people’s brains,
-and exposing to the best advantage any little defect he may discover.
-Then, again, in the same work, in describing the scene of a shipwreck,
-the author makes use of the following words: ‘Quantities of chips, and
-pieces of wood, and bits of _iron, were floating about_.’ The words in
-italics are underlined in pencil by some incredulous reader, who could
-not quite appreciate the joke, and took this method of calling the next
-reader’s attention to it. The words might have been a mere slip of the
-pen; but, as they stand underlined in the book, it is impossible to
-overlook them now.
-
-A little farther on in the same work, an unmarried gentleman is
-supposed to have made his will, bequeathing all his property to
-friends settled in the colonies; and his relatives at his decease are
-disputing the same, when this paragraph occurs, and is supposed to be
-uttered by a _lawyer_: ‘But had he lived to marry Lady A——, he would
-surely have cancelled this will!’ Probably had the gentleman lived, he
-would have done so; but our pencil-critic shows that such an act would
-have been altogether unnecessary, by writing against the paragraph:
-‘The act of marrying would have rendered it null.’ This is strictly
-and legally correct; and as the words are supposed to be spoken by a
-lawyer, it shows that the opinion of these gentlemen is not always to
-be implicitly relied upon, especially when they air them in a novel.
-
-To turn now to the criticising of situations, we find our amateur
-critic is quite as hard upon them as he is upon the characters, and
-will not allow a novelist to make use of situations which it is
-scarcely probable would happen in real life. A noble lord is forced
-through some miraculous circumstances which would rival the adventures
-narrated in the _Arabian Nights_, to associate with poachers, who are
-well known to the police; and after some time has elapsed, he at length
-regains the property, which has wrongfully been kept from him by his
-uncle; and to celebrate this happy event, he gives what is styled in
-the novel a ‘levée,’ and invites thereto the whole country-side,
-_including the poachers_, and also the police of the town. Our critic
-could not quite appreciate the novelty of this situation, and therefore
-pencils in the margin: ‘Is it likely the poachers would have ventured
-there?’ After studying the facts of the case, and reducing the subject
-to practical life, which is evidently the meaning of our critic,
-and also bearing in mind that the police and poachers were in the
-same room, and that several of the latter were ‘wanted’ for various
-offences, we may take that bit of criticism as sound.
-
-If our voluntary critics will read novels, they must expect novel
-things; but as far as our observation goes, this is the very thing
-they criticise most. They will not allow a young and delicate lady to
-elope with a handsome Captain on a stormy night with nothing to protect
-her from the weather but a flimsy ball-dress, under any consideration
-whatever; but feelingly suggest in the margin that the gentleman should
-either offer her his ulster or procure an umbrella; a piece of advice
-for which I am sure the young lady’s parents would devoutly thank them,
-if they only had the pleasure of their acquaintance.
-
-We might easily add to these examples; but the above is sufficient to
-show that the novelist who sits down to write a work of fiction merely
-for the sake of airing an opinion, or to please a certain person,
-neither caring in what language he expresses himself nor how absurd the
-book may be, may be sure of a warm reception when his work falls into
-the hands of the circulating-library critics.
-
-
-
-
-BY MEAD AND STREAM.
-
-
-CHAPTER IX.—SLANDER’S SHAFT.
-
-They were still at breakfast when the postman arrived, and Madge was
-surprised to find amongst the letters two from the Manor. Both were
-addressed in Miss Hadleigh’s large angular writing: one was for her
-uncle, the other for herself.
-
-As Madge had long conducted her uncle’s correspondence, she attended
-to his letters first; but remembering that still unexplained quarrel,
-misunderstanding, or whatever it was, between him and Mr Hadleigh, she
-discreetly kept the letter from Ringsford back till she had disposed
-of the others. These were all on business, and of a most satisfactory
-nature: good prices for grain, good prices for sheep and cattle, and
-reports of a deficient harvest in America, whilst that of Willowmere
-was excellent. Uncle Dick was in capital humour, and disposed to be on
-good terms with everybody. It is wonderful how prosperous all the world
-looks when our own affairs are thriving; and how merciful we can be in
-our judgment as to the cause of our neighbour’s failure.
-
-Then Madge—sly Madge—opened the Ringsford letter, and read a formal
-invitation to dinner at the Manor a fortnight hence, on the eve of Mr
-Philip Hadleigh’s departure.
-
-‘You will go, of course, uncle?’ said Madge, looking up with a coaxing
-smile.—‘And you will break through your rule of not going to parties
-for once, aunt? You know we may not see Philip for a long, long time.’
-
-Aunt Hessy smiled, and looked inquiringly at her husband. Dick Crawshay
-was not a man to bear malice; but it was evident that he did not relish
-this invitation. He was not frowning, but his face was not quite so
-cheerful as it had been a moment before.
-
-‘I don’t know,’ he said, rising. ‘I hate these sort of things at
-Ringsford. They’ve always a lot of people that don’t know anything’
-(about farming and cattle, he meant); ‘and when I’m there, I always
-feel as uncomfortable as a bull in a china-shop that didn’t want to
-break the crockery. Certain, I have spoken to some young fools that
-knew all about betting lists, but not one that knew the points of a
-horse—except Wrentham. They only want me there because they want you,
-Madge; and if it wasn’t for you, I’d say no straight off.’
-
-‘But you mustn’t do that, uncle; at least wait till we see what is in
-my letter.’
-
-‘You can tell me about it when I come in. That new reaping-machine
-ain’t doing what I expected of it, and I want to give it a fair trial
-under my own eyes.’
-
-With that he went out, preceded by the dogs; for they had made for the
-door the moment their master rose to his feet, and as it opened, almost
-tumbled over each other in their haste to be first afield.
-
-‘I hope he will go,’ said Madge thoughtfully; adding, after a pause:
-‘We must try to persuade him, aunt.’
-
-‘Why are you so anxious about this, child? I never knew you to be very
-eager to go to Ringsford yourself.’
-
-‘Because I am about to disappoint Mr Hadleigh in a matter which he
-considers of great importance.’
-
-Then she read the strange letter she had received from him, and
-Dame Crawshay was surprised almost as much as Madge herself by the
-earnestness of the appeal it contained. She was silent for several
-minutes, evidently occupied by some serious reflections. At length:
-
-‘Thou knowest how I love the lad; but that does not blind me to his
-faults—nay, it need not startle thee to hear me say he has faults: we
-all have our share of them. Perhaps it is lucky for thee that what
-seems to me Philip’s worst fault is that he has the impulsive way his
-father speaks about.’
-
-‘But all his impulses are good-natured ones.’
-
-‘I do not doubt it; but that makes it the more needful he should have
-some experience of the world’s ways before tying himself and you down
-to a hard-and-fast line. Nothing but experience will ever teach us that
-the hard-and-fast line of life is the easiest in the end. There’s a
-heap of truth in what Mr Hadleigh says about Philip, though he doesn’t
-seem to me to have found the surest way of keeping him right.’
-
-‘What would you advise, then?’ was the eager question.
-
-‘Thou must settle this matter for thyself, Madge; but I will tell thee
-that there is one thing Mr Hadleigh is quite wrong about.’
-
-‘What is that?’
-
-‘In saying that Mr Shield would try to keep Philip from _you_.’
-
-The emphasis on the last word and the curious, half-sad, half-pleased
-smile which accompanied it, caused Madge to ask wonderingly:
-
-‘Did you know Mr Shield?’
-
-‘Ay, long ago, before he went abroad.’
-
-‘Have you never seen him since?’
-
-‘Once—only once, and that was a sad time, although we were not five
-minutes together. He heard only a bit of the truth: he would not stay
-to hear it all, and I daresay he has had many a sorry hour for it
-since.’
-
-She ceased, and leaning back on her chair, lapsed into a dream of
-sorrowful memories. Madge did not like to disturb her, for she was
-suddenly amazed by the suspicion that once upon a time Austin Shield
-had been Aunt Hessy’s lover.
-
-But the active dame was not given to wool-gathering, and looking up
-quickly, she caught the expression of her niece, and guessed its
-meaning.
-
-‘Nay, thou art mistaken,’ she said, shaking her head, and that curious
-smile again appeared on her face; ‘there has only been one man that
-was ever more than another to me, and that’s thy uncle.... But I’ll
-tell thee a secret, child; it can do no harm. Hast forgotten what I was
-telling thee and Philip in the garden yesterday?’
-
-‘About the two lovers? O no.’
-
-‘Well, the man was Mr Austin Shield, and the girl was thy mother.’
-
-‘My mother!’ was the ejaculation of the astounded Madge.
-
-‘Yes. It was a silly business on her part, poor soul; but she was
-cruelly deceived. She had been told lies about him; and there were so
-many things which made them look like truth, that she believed them.’
-
-‘What could she have been told that could make her forget him?’
-
-‘She never did forget him—she never could forget him; and she told the
-man she married so. What she was told was, that Austin had forgotten
-her, and taken somebody else to wife. At the same time no letters came
-from him. She waited for months, watching every post; but there was
-never a sign from him. She fretted and fretted; and father fretted to
-see her getting so bad on account of a man who was not worth thinking
-about. He had broken his word, and that was enough to make father turn
-his back on him for ever.’
-
-‘But how did my mother come to—to marry so soon?’
-
-‘She was kind of persuaded into it by father, and by her wish to
-please him. He was a kind good man; but he was strict in his notions
-of things. He considered that it was sinful of her to be thinking of a
-man who had done her such wrong. Then Mr Heathcote was a great friend
-of father’s—he was a deacon in our chapel—and he asked sister to be his
-wife. He was quiet and well-to-do then; and father was on his side,
-though he was twenty years older than your mother. Father thought that
-his age would make him the better guide for one who was so weak as to
-keep on mourning for a base man. He was never done speaking about the
-happy home that was offered her, and in every prayer asked the Lord to
-turn her heart into the right path. At last she consented: but she
-told Mr Heathcote everything; and he said he was content, and that
-he would try his best to make her content too, by-and-by. Father was
-glad—and that did cheer poor sister a bit, for she was fond of father.
-So she married.’
-
-‘And then?’
-
-Only the subdued voice, the wide, startled eyes, indicated the
-agitation of the daughter, who was listening to this piteous story of a
-mother’s suffering.
-
-‘And then there came a letter from Austin Shield, and he came himself
-almost as soon as the letter. He had been “up country,” as he called
-it, for more than a year, and he had been lucky beyond all his
-expectations. But there were no posts in the wild places he had been
-staying at. He had written to warn us not to expect to hear of him
-for many months; but the vessel that was carrying that message home
-to us—eh, deary, what sorrow it would have saved us—was wrecked in a
-fog on some big rock near the Scilly Isles; and although a-many of the
-mail-bags were fished up out of the sea, the one with sister’s letter
-in it was never found.’
-
-‘What did my poor mother do?’
-
-‘She sat and shivered and moaned; but she could not speak. I saw him
-when he came, and told him that he must not see her any more, for she
-was married. I wasn’t able to tell him how it happened, for the sight
-of his face feared me so. It was like white stone, and his eyes were
-black. Before I could get my tongue again, he gave me a look that I can
-never forget, and walked away.... I found out where he was, some time
-afterwards, and wrote telling him all about it. He answered me, saying:
-“Thank you. I understand. God bless you all.” We never had another word
-direct from him; but we often heard about him; and some time after your
-mother went to rest, we learned that he had really got married; and the
-news pleased me vastly, for it helped me to think that maybe he was
-comfortable and resigned at last. I hope he is; but he has no family,
-and his sending for Philip looks as if he wants somebody to console
-him.’
-
-‘But who was it spread the lies about him at the first?’
-
-‘Ah, that we never knew. It was cleverly done; the story was in
-everybody’s mouth; but nobody could tell where it had come from.’
-
-The feelings of Madge as she listened to her aunt were of a complicated
-nature: there was the painful sympathy evoked by the knowledge that it
-was her own mother who had been so wickedly deceived; then it seemed as
-if the events related had happened to some one else; and again there
-was a mysterious sense of awe as she recognised how closely the past
-and the present were linked together. Philip was the near relation of
-the man her mother had loved, and was to be parted from her on his
-account for an indefinite period.
-
-Who could tell what Fate might lie in this coincidence?
-
-She pitied the lovers; and her indignation rose to passion at thought
-of the slanderers who had caused them so much misery. Then came
-confused thoughts about her father: he, too, must have loved as well
-as Mr Shield; and he had been generous.
-
-Gentle hands were laid upon her bowed head, and looking up, she met the
-tender eyes of Aunt Hessy.
-
-‘I have troubled you, child; but I have told you this so that you may
-understand why I cannot counsel you to bid Philip stay or go.’
-
-A soft light beamed on Madge’s face; a sweet thought filled her heart.
-She would bid Philip go to help and comfort the man her mother had
-loved.
-
-
-CHAPTER X.—LIGHT AND SHADOW.
-
-As soon as she found that Madge was calm and ready to proceed with the
-duties of the day, Aunt Hessy bustled out to look after the maidens in
-the dairy and the kitchen. The other affairs of the house were attended
-to by Madge assisted by Jenny Wodrow, an active girl, who had wisely
-given up straw-plaiting at Luton for domestic service at Willowmere.
-
-When clearing the breakfast-table, Madge found Miss Hadleigh’s letter,
-which she had forgotten in the new interests and speculations excited
-by her aunt’s communication.
-
-Miss Hadleigh was one of those young ladies who fancy that in personal
-intercourse with others dignity is best represented by the assumption
-of a languid air of indifference to everything, whilst they compensate
-themselves for this effort by ‘gushing’ over pages of note-paper. Of
-course she began with ‘My dearest Madge:’ everybody was her ‘dearest;’
-and how she found a superlative sufficient to mark the degree of her
-regard for her betrothed is a problem in the gymnastics of language.
-
-‘You know all about dearest Phil going to leave us in about a fortnight
-or three weeks, and goodness only knows when he may come home again.
-Well, we are going to have a _little_ dinner-party all to his honour
-and glory, as you would see by the card I have addressed to your uncle.
-Mind, it is a _little_ and very select party. There will be nobody
-present except the most intimate and most esteemed friends of the
-Family.’ (Family written with a very large capital F.)
-
-‘Now the party cannot be _complete_ without you and your dear uncle
-and aunt; and I write this _special_ supplement to the card to implore
-you to keep yourselves free for Tuesday the 28th, and to tell you that
-we will take _no_ excuse from any of you. Carrie and Bertha want to
-have some friends in after dinner, so that they might get up a dance.
-Of course, in my position I do not care for these things now; but to
-please the girls, it might be arranged. Would _you_ like it?—because,
-if you did, that would settle the matter at once. We have not told
-Phil yet, because he always makes fun of _everything_ we do to try
-and amuse him. Papa has been consulted, and as usual leaves it _all_
-to us.—Please do write soon, darling, and believe me ever yours most
-affectionately,
-
- BEATRICE HADLEIGH.’
-
-‘_P.S._—If you don’t mind, dear, I wish you _would_ tell me what colour
-you are to wear, so that I might have something to harmonise with it.
-We might have a symphony all to ourselves, as the æsthetes call it.’
-
-From this it appeared that Philip’s sisters were not aware of their
-father’s desire to keep him at home. There would be no difficulty in
-replying to Miss Hadleigh—even to the extent of revealing the colour of
-her dress—when Uncle Dick had consented to go.
-
-When the immediate household cares were despatched, Madge sat down at
-her desk to write to Mr Hadleigh. She was quite clear about what she
-had to say; but she paused, seeking the gentlest way of saying it.
-
-‘DEAR MR HADLEIGH,’ she began at last, ‘Your letter puts a great
-temptation in my way; and I should be glad to avoid doing anything to
-displease you. But your son has given me a reason for his going, which
-leaves him no alternative but to go, and me no alternative but to pray
-that he may return safely and well.’
-
-When she had signed and sealed up this brief epistle, a mountain seemed
-to roll off her shoulders; her head became clear again: she _knew_ that
-what Philip and her mother would have wished had been done. A special
-messenger was sent off with it to Ringsford; for although the distance
-between the two places was only about three miles, the letter would not
-have been delivered until next day, had it gone by the ordinary post.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Mr Hadleigh read these few lines without any sign of disappointment.
-He read them more than once, and found in them something so quietly
-decisive, that he would have considered it an easier task to conquer
-Philip in his most obstinate mood, than to move this girl one
-hair’s-breadth from her resolve.
-
-He refolded the paper carefully and placed it in his pocket. Then he
-rang the bell.
-
-‘Bid Toomey be ready to drive me over to catch the ten o’clock train,’
-he said quietly to the servant who answered his summons.
-
-‘A pity, a pity,’ he repeated to himself. ‘Fools both—they will not
-accept happiness when it is offered them. A pity, a pity.... They will
-have their way.’
-
-The carriage conveyed him to Dunthorpe Station in good time for the
-train; and the train being a ‘fast,’ landed him at Liverpool Street
-Station before eleven o’clock.
-
-He walked slowly along Broad Street, a singular contrast to the hurry
-and bustle of the other passengers. He was not going in the direction
-of his own offices; and he did not look as if he were going on any
-particular business anywhere. He had the air of a man who was taking an
-enforced constitutional, and who by mistake had wandered into the city
-instead of into the park.
-
-He turned into Cornhill, and then into Golden Alley, which must have
-obtained its name when gold was only known in quartz; for it was a
-dull, gloomy-looking place, with dust-stained windows and metal plates
-up the sides of the doorways, so begrimed that it required an effort of
-the sight to decipher the names on them. But it was quiet and eminently
-respectable. Standing in Golden Alley, one had the sense of being in
-the midst of steady-going, long-established firms, who had no need of
-outward show to attract customers.
-
-Mr Hadleigh halted for a moment at one of the doors, and looked at
-a leaden-like plate, bearing the simple inscription, GRIBBLE & CO.
-He ascended one flight of stairs, and entered an office in which two
-clerks were busy at their desks, whilst a youth at another desk near
-the door was addressing envelopes with the eager rapidity of one who is
-paid so much per thousand.
-
-No one paid any attention to the opening of the door.
-
-‘Is Mr Wrentham in?’ inquired Mr Hadleigh.
-
-At the sound of his voice, one of the clerks advanced obsequiously.
-
-‘Yes, sir. He is engaged at present; but I will send in your name.’
-
-He knew who the visitor was; and after rapidly writing the name on a
-slip of paper, took it into an inner room. Mr Hadleigh glanced over
-some bills which were lying on the counter announcing the dates of
-sailing of a number of A1 clippers and first-class screw-steamers to
-all parts of the world.
-
-The clerk reappeared, and with a polite, ‘Will you walk in, sir?’ held
-the door of the inner room open till Mr Hadleigh passed in, and then
-closed it.
-
-Mr Wrentham rose from his table, holding out his hand. ‘Glad to see you
-here, Mr Hadleigh—very glad. I hope it is business that brings you?’
-
-‘Yes—important business,’ was the answer.
-
-
-
-
-CURIOUS ANTIPATHIES IN ANIMALS.
-
-
-I. HORSES.
-
-My late father-in-law, a physician in extensive practice, once
-possessed a horse named Jack, which was celebrated for his many
-peculiarities and his great sagacity. One of his antipathies was a
-decided hatred to one particular melody, the well-known Irish air,
-_Drops of Brandy_. If any one began to whistle or hum this air, Jack
-would instantly show fight by laying his ears back, grinding his teeth,
-biting and kicking, but always recovering his good temper when the
-music ceased. No other melody or music of any kind ever affected him;
-you might whistle or sing as long as you liked, provided you did not
-attempt the objectionable Irish air. One of the doctor’s nephews and
-Jack were great friends. The lad could do almost anything with him; but
-if he presumed to whistle the objectionable melody of Erin, Jack would
-show his displeasure by instantly pulling off the lad’s cap and biting
-it savagely, but never attempting the smallest personal injury to the
-boy himself, and always exhibiting his love when the sounds ceased;
-thus saying, as plainly as a horse could say: ‘We are great friends,
-and I love you very much; but pray, don’t make that odious noise, to
-which I entertain a very strong objection.’
-
-Jack had another and very peculiar antipathy—he never would permit
-anything bulky to be carried by his rider. This came out for the first
-time one day when the doctor was going on a visit, and having to sleep
-at his friend’s, intended to take a small handbag with him. On the
-groom handing this up to the doctor, after he was mounted, Jack—who had
-been an attentive observer of the whole proceeding by craning his head
-round—at once exhibited his strong displeasure by rearing, kicking,
-buck-jumping, and jibing—so utterly unlike his usual steady-going ways,
-that the doctor at once divined the cause, and threw the bag down,
-when Jack became perfectly quiet and docile; but instantly, however,
-re-enacting the same scene, when the groom once more offered the bag
-to the doctor. The experiment was repeated several times, and always
-with the same singular result; and at length the attempt was given
-up, when Jack trotted off on his journey, showing the best of tempers
-throughout. Why he should have exhibited this extraordinary dislike to
-carrying a small handbag, which was neither large in size nor heavy in
-weight, it is impossible even to guess.
-
-On another occasion the groom, wishing to bring home with him a small
-sack containing some household requisite, thought to lay it across the
-front of his saddle; but Jack was too quick and too sharp for him.
-Instantly rearing, and then kicking violently, he threw the groom off
-on one side and the objectionable burden on the other. After this, no
-further attempts were made to ruffle the customary serenity of Jack’s
-rather peculiar temper.
-
-The same gentleman also possessed a beautiful bay mare called Jenny,
-remarkable for her sweet temper and pretty loving ways. She was a
-great favourite with the doctor’s daughters, and would ‘shake hands’
-when asked, and kiss them in the most engaging manner, with a sort
-of nibbling motion of her black lips up and down the face. She would
-follow any one she liked about the fields, answer to her name like a
-dog, and would always salute any of her favourites on seeing them with
-that pretty low ‘hummering’ sound so common with pet horses, but never
-heard from those subject to ill-treatment. But, with all these graces,
-the pretty and interesting Jenny had several peculiar antipathies, in
-one of which she too somewhat resembled a dog Wag (to be noticed in a
-future article), and that was a marked dislike to the singing voice of
-one particular person, a lady, a relative of the doctor’s. This lady
-often went to the stable to feed Jenny with lettuces or apples, and
-they were always the best of friends; but so sure as she began to sing
-anything, Jenny instantly forgot her good manners, lost all propriety,
-and exhibited the usual signs of strong equine displeasure, although
-she never took the smallest notice of the singing or whistling of any
-other person, treating it apparently with indifference. One day, as the
-doctor was driving this lady out, he suggested, by way of experiment,
-that she should begin to sing. In a moment, Jenny’s ears were down
-flat, and a great kick was delivered with hearty goodwill on to the
-front of the carriage; and more would doubtless have followed, had not
-the lady prudently stopped short in her vocal efforts; when Jenny was
-herself again, and resumed her usual good behaviour.
-
-Another and very remarkable peculiarity of Jenny’s was her
-unaccountable antipathy to the doctor’s wife. If that lady approached
-her, she would grind her teeth savagely, and try to bite her in the
-most spiteful manner. What is perhaps even more singular, she would
-never, if possible, let the lady get into the carriage, if she knew
-it. Jenny would turn her head, and keep a lookout behind her, in the
-drollest manner possible; and the moment she caught sight of the lady
-approaching the carriage for the purpose of getting in, Jenny would
-immediately commence her troublesome tantrums of biting and kicking. So
-strongly did she object to drawing her mistress, that more than once
-she damaged the carriage with her powerful heels, so that the doctor
-was obliged to request his wife to approach the carriage from behind,
-whilst a groom held Jenny’s head, to prevent her looking round. Even
-this was not always sufficient; for if the lady talked or laughed,
-Jenny would actually recognise her voice, and the usual ‘scene’ would
-be forthwith enacted. Now, the most singular part of this story is,
-that this lady was, like all her family, a genuine lover of all
-animals, especially horses. She was very fond of Jenny, and had tried
-in every way to make friends with her, and therefore her dislike to
-her mistress was all the more unaccountable, as there was not a shadow
-of cause for it. We can all understand dislike on the part of any
-animal where there has been any sort of ill-usage; but it is wholly
-inexplicable when nothing but love and kindness has been invariably
-practised towards that animal.
-
-Jenny I am afraid was a great pet, and like all pets, was full of
-fads and fancies. One of these was certainly peculiar. Not far from
-the doctor’s residence there was a particular gate opening into a
-field. As soon as Jenny came near this gate, she would commence
-her tantrums, rearing, kicking, plunging, jibing, and altogether
-declining to pass it; and it was not until after the exercise of a
-great amount of patience and perseverance, by repeatedly leading
-her—after much opposition—up to the gate and making her see it and
-smell it—thereby proving to her that it would do her no harm—that at
-length she was brought to pass it quietly and without notice. What
-could have occasioned this strange antipathy to one particular gate,
-it is impossible to guess, for, until she came into the doctor’s
-possession, she had never been in that part of the county, and
-therefore could have had no unpleasant recollections of this gate in
-any way. It is, however, possible that the gate in question might
-have strongly resembled some other gate elsewhere with which were
-associated disagreeable memories; for I well remember that, some years
-ago, I often rode a fine young mare which had only recently come from
-Newmarket, where she had been trained. At first, she could never be
-induced to go down Rotten Row without a great deal of shying, jibing,
-and rearing, and other signs of resistance and displeasure. And this
-was subsequently explained by the fact, that the place where she was
-trained and exercised at Newmarket was a long road with a range of
-posts and rails, closely resembling Rotten Row; and doubtless the mare
-was under the impression that this was either the same place, or that
-she was about to be subjected to the same severe training which she had
-undergone at Newmarket; hence her determined opposition.
-
-One more trait of Jenny’s odd antipathies must be mentioned before
-I conclude, and that was her fixed aversion to men of the working
-peasant class. She would never let such a man hold her by the bridle,
-or even approach her, without trying to bite him, and jerking her head
-away with every sign of anger and aversion whilst he stood near. But
-she never exhibited any feelings of dislike to well-dressed, clean,
-comfortable-looking persons, who might have done almost anything with
-her, and with whom she would ‘shake hands,’ or kiss in the gentlest
-possible manner. Of a truth, Jenny was certainly unique in her odd
-fancies and peculiar behaviour in every way; a singular mixture of good
-and evil—a spiteful, vindictive temper on the one hand, combined with
-the utmost affection and docility on the other.
-
-
-
-
-TWO DAYS IN A LIFETIME.
-
-A STORY IN EIGHT CHAPTERS.
-
-
-CHAPTER VI.
-
-Five minutes later, Miss Brandon burst into the room in her usual
-impulsive fashion. Lady Dimsdale was standing at one of the windows. It
-was quite enough for Elsie to find there was some one to talk to—more
-especially when that some one was Lady Dimsdale, whom she looked upon
-as the most charming woman in the world. At once she began to rattle on
-after her usual fashion. ‘Thank goodness, those hateful exercises are
-over for to-day. Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori. Arma virumque
-cano. How I do detest Latin! My grandmother didn’t know a word of it,
-and she was the most delightful old lady I ever knew. Besides, where’s
-the use of it? When Charley and I are married, I can’t talk to him in
-Latin—nor even to the butcher’s boy, nor the fishmonger. Perhaps, if I
-were to speak to my poodle in dog-Latin, he might understand me.’ Then,
-with a sudden change of manner, she said: ‘Dear Lady Dimsdale, what is
-the matter?’ for Laura had turned, and the traces of tears were still
-visible around her eyes. ‘Why, I do believe you have been’——
-
-‘Yes, crying—that’s the only word for it,’ answered Laura with a smile.
-
-‘Do tell me what it is. Nothing serious?’
-
-‘Nothing more serious than the last chapter of a foolish love-story.’
-She had taken up a book instinctively.
-
-‘I’m awfully glad it’s nothing worse. Love-stories that make one cry
-are delicious. I always feel better after a good cry.’ Her sharp eyes
-were glancing over the title of the book in Lady Dimsdale’s hand.
-‘“Buchan’s _Domestic Medicine_,”’ she read out aloud. ‘Dear Lady
-Dimsdale, surely this is not the book that’—— She was suddenly silent.
-The room had a bow-window, the casement of which stood wide open this
-sunny morning. Elsie had heard voices on the terrace outside. ‘That’s
-dear old nunky’s voice,’ she said. ‘And—yes—no—I do believe it is
-though!’ She crossed to the window and peeped out from behind the
-curtains.
-
-Stumping slowly along the terrace, assisted by his thick Malacca, came
-Captain Bowood. By his side marched a dark-bearded military-looking
-inspector of police, dressed in the regulation blue braided frock-coat
-and peaked cap. They were engaged in earnest conversation.
-
-‘An inspector of police! What can be the matter? I do believe they are
-coming here.’ So spoke Elsie; but when she looked round, expecting a
-response, she found herself alone. Lady Dimsdale had slipped out of the
-room.
-
-The voices came nearer. Elsie seated herself at the table, opened a
-book, ruffled her hair, and pretended to be poring over her lessons.
-
-The door opened, and Captain Bowood, followed by the inspector, entered
-the room. ‘Pheugh! Enough to frizzle a nigger,’ ejaculated the former,
-as he mopped his forehead with his yellow bandana handkerchief. Then
-perceiving Elsie, he said, as he pinched one of her ears, ‘Ha, Poppet,
-you here?’
-
-‘Yes, nunky; and dreadfully puzzled I am. I want to find out in what
-year the Great Pyramid was built. Do, please, tell me.’
-
-‘Ha, ha!—Listen to that, Mr Inspector.—If you had asked me the distance
-from here to New York, now. Great Pyramid, eh?’
-
-The inspector, pencil and notebook in hand, was examining the
-fastenings of the window. ‘Very insecure, Captain Bowood,’ he said;
-‘very insecure indeed. A burglar would make short work of them.’
-
-Miss Brandon was eying him furtively. There was a puzzled look on her
-face. ‘I could almost swear it was Charley’s voice; and yet’——
-
-‘Come, come; you’ll frighten us out of our wits, if you talk like
-that,’ answered the Captain.
-
-‘Many burglaries in this neighbourhood of late,’ remarked the inspector
-sententiously.
-
-‘Just so, just so.’ This was said a little uneasily.
-
-‘Best to warn you in time, sir.’
-
-‘O Charley, you naughty, naughty boy!’ remarked Miss Brandon under her
-breath. ‘Even I did not know him at first.’
-
-‘But if Mr Burglar chooses to pay us a visit, who’s to hinder him?’
-asked the Captain.
-
-The inspector shrugged his shoulders and smiled an inscrutable smile.
-
-‘You don’t mean to say that they intend to pay us a visit to-night?
-Come now.’
-
-‘Every reason to believe so, Captain.’
-
-‘But, confound it! how do you know all this?’
-
-‘Secret information. Know many things. Mrs Bowood keeps her jewel-case
-in top left-hand drawer in her dressing-room. Know that.’
-
-‘Bless my heart! How did you find that out?’
-
-‘Secret information. Gold chronometer with inscription on it hidden
-away at the bottom of your writing-desk. Know that.’
-
-‘How the’——
-
-‘Secret information.’
-
-‘O Charley, Charley, you artful darling!’—this _sotto voce_ from Miss
-Brandon.
-
-The Captain looked bewildered, as well he might. ‘This is really most
-wonderful,’ he said. ‘But about those rascals who, you say, are going
-to visit us to-night?’
-
-‘Give ’em a warm reception, Captain. Leave that to me.’
-
-‘Yes, yes. Warm reception. Good. Have some of your men in hiding, eh,
-Mr Inspector?’
-
-‘Half a dozen of ’em, Captain.’
-
-‘Just so, just so. And I’ll be in hiding too. I’ve a horse-pistol
-up-stairs nearly as long as my arm.’
-
-‘Shan’t need that, sir.’
-
-‘No good having a horse-pistol if one doesn’t make use of it now and
-then.’
-
-‘Half-a-dozen men—three inside the house, and three out,’ remarked the
-inspector as he wrote down the particulars in his book.
-
-‘And I’ll make the seventh—don’t forget that!’ cried the Captain,
-looking as fierce as some buccaneer of bygone days. ‘If there’s one
-among the burglars more savage than the rest, leave him for me to
-tackle.’
-
-‘My poor, dear nunky, if you only knew!’ murmured Elsie under her
-breath.
-
-‘Perhaps I had better lend you a pair of these, Captain; they might
-prove useful in a scuffle,’ remarked the inspector as he produced a
-pair of handcuffs from the tail-pocket of his coat. ‘The simplest
-bracelets in the world. The easiest to get on, and the most difficult
-to get off—till you know how. Allow me. This is how it’s done. What
-could be more simple?’
-
-Nothing apparently could be more simple, seeing that, before Captain
-Bowood knew what had happened, he found himself securely handcuffed.
-
-‘Ha, ha—just so. Queer sensation—very,’ he exclaimed, turning redder in
-the face than usual. ‘But I don’t care how soon you take them off, Mr
-Inspector.’
-
-‘No hurry, Captain, no hurry.’
-
-‘Confound you! what do you mean by no hurry? What’—— But here the
-Captain came to a sudden stop.
-
-The inspector’s black wig and whiskers had vanished, and the laughingly
-impudent features of his peccant nephew were revealed to his astonished
-gaze.
-
-‘Good-afternoon, my dear uncle. This is the second time to-day that I
-have had the pleasure of seeing you.’ Then he called: ‘Elsie, dear!’
-
-‘Here I am, Charley,’ came in immediate response.
-
-‘Come and kiss me.’
-
-‘Yes, Charley.’ And with that Miss Brandon rose from her chair, and
-with a slightly heightened colour and the demurest air possible, came
-down the room and allowed her lover to lightly touch her lips with his.
-It was a pretty picture.
-
-‘What—what! Why—why,’ spluttered the Captain. For a little while words
-seemed to desert him.
-
-‘My dear uncle, pray, _pray_, do not allow yourself to get quite so red
-in the face; at your time of life you really alarm me.’
-
-‘You—you vile young jackanapes! You—you cockatrice!—And you, miss, you
-shall smart for this. I’ll—I’ll—— Oh!’
-
-‘Patience, good uncle; prithee, patience.’
-
-‘Patience! O for a good horsewhip!’
-
-‘When I called upon you this morning, sir,’ resumed Charles the
-imperturbable, ‘I left unsaid the most important part of that which
-I had come to say; it therefore became needful that I should see you
-again.’
-
-‘O for a horsewhip! Are you going to take these things off me, or are
-you not?’
-
-‘The object of my second visit, sir, is to inform you that Miss Brandon
-and I are engaged to be married, and to beg of you to give us your
-consent and blessing, and make two simple young creatures happy.’
-
-‘Handcuffed like a common poacher on his way to jail! Oh, when once I
-get free!’
-
-‘We have made up our minds to get married; haven’t we, Elsie?’
-
-‘We have—or else to die together,’ replied Miss Brandon, as she struck
-a little tragic attitude.
-
-‘Think over what I have said, my dear uncle, and accord us your
-consent.’
-
-‘Or our deaths will lie at your door.’
-
-‘Every night as the clock struck twelve, you would see us by your side.’
-
-‘You would never more enjoy your rum-and-water and your pipe.’
-
-‘I should tickle your ear with a ghostly feather, and wake you in the
-middle of your first sleep.’
-
-‘I shall go crazy—crazy!’ spluttered the Captain. He would have stamped
-his foot, only he was afraid of the gout.
-
-‘Not quite, sir, I hope,’ replied young Summers, with a sudden change
-of manner; and next moment, and without any action of his own in the
-matter, the Captain found himself a free man. The first thing he did
-was to make a sudden grasp at his cane; but Elsie was too quick for
-him, or it might have fared ill with her sweetheart.
-
-Master Charley laughed. ‘I am sorry, my dear uncle, to have to leave
-you now; but time is pressing. You will not forget what I have said, I
-feel sure. I shall look for your answer to my request in the course of
-three or four days; or would you prefer, sir, that I should wait upon
-you for it in person?’
-
-‘If you ever dare to set foot inside my door again, I’ll—I’ll
-spiflicate you—yes, sir, spiflicate you!’
-
-‘To what a terrible fate you doom me, good my lord!—Come, Elsie, you
-may as well walk with me through the shrubbery.’
-
-Miss Brandon going up suddenly to Captain Bowood, flung her arms round
-his neck and kissed him impulsively. ‘You dear, crusty, cantankerous,
-kind-hearted old thing, I can’t help loving you!’ she cried.
-
-‘Go along, you baggage. As bad as he is—every bit. Go along.’
-
-‘_Au revoir_, uncle,’ said Mr Summers with his most courtly stage bow.
-‘We shall meet again—at Philippi.’
-
-A moment later, Captain Bowood found himself alone. ‘There’s
-impudence!’ he exclaimed. ‘It’s worse than that; it’s cheek—downright
-cheek. Never bamboozled like it before. Handcuffed! What an old
-nincompoop I must have looked! Good thing Sir Frederick or any of
-the others didn’t see me. I should never have heard the last of it.’
-With that, the last trace of ill-humour vanished, and he burst into
-a hearty, sailor-like guffaw. ‘Just the sort of trick I should have
-gloried in when I was a young spark!’ He rose from his chair, took
-his cane in his hand, and limped as far as the window, his gout being
-rather troublesome this afternoon. ‘So, so. There they go, arm in
-arm. Who would have thought of Don Carlos falling in love with Miss
-Saucebox? But I don’t know that he could do better. She’s a good
-girl—a little flighty just now; but that will cure itself by-and-by—and
-she will have a nice little property when she comes of age. Must
-pretend to set my face against it, though, and that will be sure to
-make them fonder of one another. Ha, ha! we old sea-dogs know a thing
-or two.’ And with that the Captain winked confidentially to himself two
-or three times and went about his business.
-
- * * * * *
-
-When Sir Frederick Pinkerton followed Mrs Bowood and Mrs Boyd out of
-the room where the interview had taken place, and left Lady Dimsdale
-sitting there alone, he quitted the house at once, and sauntered in his
-usual gingerly fashion through the flower-garden to an unfrequented
-part of the grounds known as the Holly Walk, where there was not much
-likelihood of his being interrupted. Like Lady Dimsdale, he wanted to
-be alone. Just then, he had much to occupy his thoughts. To and fro he
-paced the walk slowly and musingly, his hands behind his back, his eyes
-bent on the ground.
-
-‘What tempts me to do this thing?’ he asked himself, not once, but
-several times. ‘That I dislike the man is quite certain; why, then,
-take upon myself to interfere between this woman and him? Certainly I
-have nothing to thank Oscar Boyd for; why, then, mix myself up in a
-matter that concerns me no more than it concerns the man in the moon?
-If he had not appeared on the scene just when he did, I might perhaps
-have won Lady Dimsdale for my wife. But now? Too late—too late! Even
-when he and this woman shall have gone their way, he will live in
-my lady’s memory, never probably to be forgotten. He is her hero of
-romance. That he made love to her in years gone by, when they were
-young together, there is little doubt; that he made love to her again
-this morning, and met with no such rebuff as I did, seems equally
-clear; and though she knows now that he can never become her husband,
-yet she on her side will never forget him. In what way, then, am I
-called upon to interfere in his affairs? Should I not be a fool for
-my pains? And yet to let that woman claim him as her own, when a word
-from me would—— No! _Noblesse oblige._ What should I think of myself
-in years to come, if I were to permit this man’s life to be blasted
-by so cruel a fraud? The thought would hardly be a pleasant one on
-one’s deathbed.’ He shrugged his shoulders, and went on slowly pacing
-the Holly Walk. At length he raised his head and said half aloud: ‘I
-will do it, and at once; but it shall be on my own conditions, Lady
-Dimsdale—on my own conditions.’
-
-There was a gardener at work some distance away. He called the man to
-him, and sent him with a message to the house. Ten minutes later, Lady
-Dimsdale entered the Holly Walk.
-
-Sir Frederick approached her with one of his most elaborate bows.
-
-‘You wish to see me, Sir Frederick?’ she said inquiringly, but a little
-doubtfully. She hoped that he was not about to re-open the subject that
-had been discussed between them earlier in the day.
-
-‘I have taken the liberty of asking you to favour me with your company
-for a few minutes—here, where we shall be safe from interruption. The
-matter I am desirous of consulting you upon admits of no delay.’
-
-She bowed, but said nothing. His words reassured her on one point,
-while filling her with a vague uneasiness. The sunshade she held over
-her head was lined with pink; it served its purpose in preventing the
-Baronet from detecting how pale and wan was the face under it.
-
-They began to pace the walk slowly side by side.
-
-‘Equally with others, Lady Dimsdale, you are aware that, by a strange
-turn of fortune, Mr Boyd’s wife, whom he believed to have been dead for
-several years, has this morning reappeared?’
-
-‘You were in the parlour, Sir Frederick, when I was introduced to Mrs
-Boyd only half an hour ago.’ She answered him coldly and composedly
-enough; but he could not tell how her heart was beating.
-
-‘Strangely enough, I happened to be in New Orleans about the time of Mr
-Boyd’s marriage, and I know more about the facts of that unhappy affair
-than he has probably told to any one in England. It is enough to say
-that the reappearance of this woman is the greatest misfortune that
-could have happened to him. Oscar Boyd was a miserable man before he
-parted from her—he will be ten times more miserable in years to come.’
-
-‘You have not asked me to meet you here, Sir Frederick, in order to
-tell me this?’
-
-‘This, and something more, Lady Dimsdale. Listen!’ He laid one finger
-lightly on the sleeve of his companion’s dress, as if to emphasise her
-attention. ‘I happen to be acquainted with a certain secret—it matters
-not how it came into my possession—the telling of which—and it could
-be told in half-a-dozen words—would relieve Mr Boyd of this woman at
-once and for ever, would make a free man of him, as free to marry as in
-those old days when he used to haunt that vicarage garden which I too
-remember so well!’
-
-Lady Dimsdale stopped in her walk and stared at him with wide-open
-eyes. ‘You—possess—a secret that could do all this!’
-
-‘I have stated no more than the simple truth.’
-
-‘Then Mr Boyd is not this woman’s husband?’ The question burst from her
-lips swiftly, impetuously. Next moment her eyes fell and a tell-tale
-blush suffused her cheeks. But here again the pink-lined sunshade came
-to her rescue.
-
-‘Mr Boyd is the husband of no other woman,’ answered the Baronet drily.
-
-‘With what object have you made _me_ the recipient of this confidence,
-Sir Frederick?’
-
-‘That I will presently explain. You are probably aware that Mr Boyd
-leaves for London by the next train?’
-
-Lady Dimsdale bowed.
-
-‘So that if my information is to be made available at all, no time must
-be lost.’
-
-‘I still fail to see why—— But that does not matter. As you say, there
-is no time to lose. You will send for Mr Boyd at once, Sir Frederick.
-You are a generous-minded man, and you will not fail to reveal to him a
-secret which so nearly affects the happiness of his life.’ She spoke to
-him appealingly, almost imploringly.
-
-He smiled a coldly disagreeable smile. ‘Pardon me, Lady Dimsdale, but
-generosity is one of those virtues which I have never greatly cared
-to cultivate. Had I endeavoured to do so, the soil would probably have
-proved barren, and the results not worth the trouble. In any case, I
-have never tried. I am a man of the world, that, and nothing more.’
-
-‘But this secret, Sir Frederick—as between man and man, as between one
-gentleman and another—you will not keep it to yourself? You will not.
-No! I cannot believe that of you.’
-
-He lifted his hat for a moment. ‘Lady Dimsdale flatters me.’ Then he
-glanced at his watch. ‘Later even than I thought. This question must be
-decided at once, or not at all. Lady Dimsdale, I am willing to reveal
-my secret to Mr Boyd on one condition—and on one only.’
-
-For a moment she hesitated, being still utterly at a loss to imagine
-why the Baronet had taken her so strangely into his confidence. Then
-she said: ‘May I ask what the condition in question is, Sir Frederick?’
-
-‘It was to tell it to you that I asked you to favour me with your
-presence here. Lady Dimsdale, my one condition is this: That when this
-man—this Mr Oscar Boyd—shall be free to marry again, as he certainly
-will be when my secret becomes known to him—you shall never consent to
-become his wife, and that you shall never reveal to him the reason why
-you decline to do so.’
-
-‘Oh! This to me! Sir Frederick Pinkerton, you have no right to assume——
-Nothing, nothing can justify this language!’
-
-He thought he had never seen her look so beautiful as she looked at
-that moment, with flashing eyes, heaving bosom, and burning cheeks.
-
-He bowed and spread out his hands deprecatingly. ‘Pardon me, but I have
-assumed nothing—nothing whatever. I have specified a certain condition
-as the price of my secret. Call that condition a whim—the whim of an
-eccentric elderly gentleman, who, having no wife to keep him within the
-narrow grooves of common-sense, originates many strange ideas at times.
-Call it by what name you will, Lady Dimsdale, it still remains what
-it was. To apply a big word to a very small affair—you have heard my
-ultimatum.’ He glanced at his watch again. ‘I shall be in the library
-for the next quarter of an hour. One word from you—Yes or No—and I
-shall know how to act. On that one word hangs the future of your
-friend, Mr Oscar Boyd.’ He saluted her with one of his most ceremonious
-bows, and then turned and walked slowly away.
-
-There was a garden-seat close by, and to this Lady Dimsdale made her
-way. She was torn by conflicting emotions. Indignation, grief, wonder,
-curiosity, each and all held possession of her. ‘Was ever a woman
-forced into such a cruel position before?’ she asked herself. ‘What
-can this secret be? Is that woman not his wife? Yet Oscar recognised
-her as such the moment he set eyes on her. Can it be possible that she
-had a husband living when he married her, and that Sir Frederick is
-aware of the fact? It is all a mystery. Oh, how cruel, how cruel of Sir
-Frederick to force me into this position! What right has he to assume
-that even if Oscar were free to-morrow, he would—— And yet—— Oh, it
-is hard—hard! Why has this task been laid upon me? He will be free,
-and yet he must never know by what means. But whose happiness ought I
-to think of first—his or my own? His—a thousand times his! There is
-but one answer possible, and Sir Frederick knows it. He understands
-a woman’s heart. I must decide at once—now. There is not a moment to
-lose. But one answer.’ Her eyes were dry, although her heart was full
-of anguish. Tears would find their way later on.
-
-She quitted her seat, and near the end of the walk she found the same
-gardener that the Baronet had made use of. She beckoned the man to
-her, and as she slipped a coin into his hand, said to him: ‘Go to Sir
-Frederick Pinkerton, whom you will find in the library, and say to him
-that Lady Dimsdale’s answer is “Yes.”’
-
-The man scratched his head and stared at her open-mouthed; so, for
-safety’s sake, she gave him the message a second time. Then he seemed
-to comprehend, and touching his cap, set off at a rapid pace in the
-direction of the house.
-
-Lady Dimsdale took the same way slowly, immersed in bitter thoughts.
-‘Farewell, Oscar, farewell!’ her heart kept repeating to itself. ‘Not
-even when you are free, must you ever learn the truth.’
-
- * * * * *
-
-Meanwhile, Mrs Boyd, after lunching heartily with kind, chatty Mrs
-Bowood to keep her company, and after arranging her toilet, had gone
-back to the room in which her husband had left her, and from which he
-had forbidden her to stir till his return. She was somewhat surprised
-not to find him there, but quite content to wait till he should think
-it well to appear. There was a comfortable-looking couch in the room,
-and after a hearty luncheon on a warm day, forty winks seem to follow
-as a natural corollary; at least that was Estelle’s view of the present
-state of affairs. But before settling down among the soft cushions of
-the couch, she went up to the glass over the chimney-piece, and taking
-a tiny box from her pocket, opened it, and, with the swan’s-down puff
-which she found therein, just dashed her cheeks with the faintest
-possible _soupçon_ of Circassian Bloom, and then half rubbed it off
-with her handkerchief.
-
-‘A couple of glasses of champagne would have saved me the need of doing
-this; but your cold thin claret has neither soul nor fire in it,’ she
-remarked to herself. ‘How comfortable these English country-houses are.
-I should like to stay here for a month. Only the people are so very
-good and, oh! so very stupid, that I know I should tire of them in a
-day or two, and say or do something that would make them fling up their
-hands in horror.’ She yawned, gave a last glance at herself, and then
-went and sat down on the couch. As she was re-arranging the pillows,
-she found a handkerchief under one of them. She pounced on it in a
-moment. In one corner was a monogram. She read the letters, ‘L. D.,’
-aloud. ‘My Lady Dimsdale’s, without a doubt,’ she said. ‘Damp, too. She
-has been crying for the loss of her darling Oscar.’ She dropped the
-handkerchief with a sneer and set her foot on it. ‘How sweet it is to
-have one’s rival under one’s feet—sweeter still, when you know that she
-loves him and you don’t! Lady Dimsdale will hardly care to let Monsieur
-Oscar kiss her again. He is going away on a long journey with his
-wife—with his wife, ha, ha! Fools! If they only knew!’ The echo of her
-harsh, unwomanly laugh had scarcely died away, when the door opened,
-and the man of whom she had been speaking stood before her.
-
-After bidding farewell to Lady Dimsdale, Mr Boyd had plunged at once
-into a lonely part of the grounds, where he would be able to recover
-himself in some measure, unseen by any one. Of a truth, he was very
-wretched. It seemed almost impossible to believe that one short
-hour—nay, even far less than that—should have sufficed to plunge him
-from the heights of felicity into the lowest depths of misery. Yet, so
-it was; and thus, alas, it is but too often in this world of unstable
-things. But the necessity for action was imminent upon him; there would
-be time enough hereafter for thinking and suffering. A few minutes
-sufficed to enable him to lock down his feelings beyond the guess or
-ken of others, and then he went in search of Captain Bowood. He found
-his host and Mrs Bowood together. The latter was telling her husband
-all about her recent interview with Mrs Boyd. The mistress of Rosemount
-had never had a bird of such strange plumage under her roof before, and
-had rarely been so puzzled as she was to-day. That this woman was a
-lady, Mrs Bowood’s instincts declined to let her believe; but the fact
-that she was Mr Boyd’s wife seemed to prove that she must be something
-better than an adventuress. The one certain fact was, that she was a
-guest at Rosemount, and as such must be made welcome.
-
-When Mr Boyd entered the room, Mrs Bowood was at once struck by the
-change in his appearance. She felt instinctively that some great
-calamity had overtaken this man, and her motherly heart was touched.
-Accordingly, when Mr Boyd intimated to her and the Captain that it was
-imperatively necessary that he and his wife should start for London by
-the five o’clock train, she gave expression to her regret that such a
-necessity should have arisen, but otherwise offered no opposition to
-the proposed step, as, under ordinary circumstances, she would have
-been sure to do. In matters such as these, the Captain always followed
-his wife’s lead. Five minutes later, Oscar Boyd went in search of his
-wife.
-
-
-
-
-IN ST PETER’S.
-
-
-To have spent a winter in Rome is so common an experience for English
-people, that it seems as if there were nothing new to be said about
-it, nothing out of the ordinary routine to be done during its course.
-We all know we must lodge in or near the Piazza di Spagna; must make
-the round of the studios; drive on the Pincio; go to the Trinità to
-hear the nuns sing; have an audience of the Holy Father; drink the
-Trevi water; muse in the Colosseum; wander with delighted bewilderment
-through the sculpture-galleries of the Vatican; explore the ruins on
-the Palatine; get tickets for the Cercola Artistica; attend Sunday
-vespers at St Peter’s; and tire ourselves to death amongst the three
-hundred and odd churches, each one with some special attraction, which
-forbids us to slight it. These things are amongst the unwritten laws
-of travel; English, Americans, and Germans are impelled alike by a
-curious instinct of duty to carry them out to the letter. In so doing,
-they jostle one another perpetually, see over and over again the same
-faces, hear the same remarks, and alas! find only the same ideas. But
-notwithstanding this, there are yet undiscovered corners in the old
-city, and many quaint ceremonies are unknown to or overlooked by the
-_forestieri_. An account of some of these latter may perhaps be found
-interesting.
-
-A few winters ago, we learned, through the politeness of a cardinal’s
-secretary, that certain services well worth attending would take place
-in St Peter’s, commencing at about half-past seven on the mornings
-of the Thursday, Friday, and Saturday in Holy-week. These were the
-consecration of the chrism used in baptism and the oil for extreme
-unction, the commemoration of the death and passion of our Lord,
-and the kindling of the fire for lighting the lamps extinguished on
-Holy-Thursday. As no public notice is given of the hours of these
-ceremonies, we were glad of the information.
-
-The ‘functions’ formerly conducted in the Sistine Chapel were
-transferred some years ago to the Capello Papale, which is in St
-Peter’s, the third chapel on the left-hand side of the nave. It is
-extremely small and inconvenient, being almost entirely taken up
-with stalls for the cardinals, bishops, canons, and vicars lay and
-choral. The pope’s own choir always sing here, but are assembled
-in full strength only on festivals; then, however, their exquisite
-unaccompanied singing is well worth hearing, and in the year of which
-we speak, the soprani and alti were specially good. On Holy-Thursday
-there is scarcely any cessation of worship in the great church all day;
-and at 7.30 A.M. we are barely in time to watch the assembling of the
-functionaries who are to assist at the ceremony of the consecration of
-the oil. The chrism used in baptism is composed of balsam and oil; and
-this and the oil for holy unction are considered extremely precious;
-bishops and other dignitaries journey long distances to procure it, and
-convey it to their respective dioceses and benefices. Their appearance
-adds not a little to the effect of the usual assemblage of canons of St
-Peter’s, for their vestments are much more varied in colour; the canons
-wearing always violet silk robes, and gray or white fur capes when not
-officiating; and their soft hue makes an excellent background for the
-brilliant scarlet trains of the cardinals, two of whom are lighting up
-the corner stalls with their crimson magnificence.
-
-A number of seats take up the space in the middle of the chapel, and
-are arranged in a square, having a table in the centre. The choir
-presently commence singing a Latin hymn, and a glittering procession
-of canons and heads of orders enters; they take their places in the
-square; the chalices with the oil and the balsam of the chrism are
-placed on the table, and the officiating cardinal begins the ceremony.
-He is an exceedingly handsome man, very tall, with clearly cut
-features, and walks in a magnificent fashion; his great white silk
-cope, stiff with its embroidery of gold, silver, and precious stones,
-seems no encumbrance to him, and he looks a fitting president for
-this august meeting. The cardinal blesses the first of the chalices
-presented to him, saying the words of benediction in clear distinct
-tones, the singing meanwhile continuing softly while he lays his hands
-on all the cups placed before him. Then the choir cease, and each
-cardinal, bishop, priest, and canon kneels in turn before the table,
-saying three times, ‘Ave sancta chrisma.’ The sounds of the different
-voices in which the words are said, as their various old, young,
-short, tall, fat, or thin owners pronounce them, have a somewhat odd
-effect, and it is a relief when the lovely singing is resumed, while
-the cardinal’s clear tones pronounce blessings on the oil for extreme
-unction. After this, the same ceremony is repeated, except that the
-words three times said are, ‘Ave sanctum oleum.’ As there are at least
-one hundred and thirty persons to perform this act of devotion, the
-service becomes a little tedious; and if it were not for the novelty,
-the exquisite singing, and the wonderful effects of light and colour
-in the glowing morning atmosphere, we should not have been surprised
-at the absence of our compatriots; but there is a sense of freshness
-and strangeness in the service which makes us wonder the chapel is
-not crowded. The small congregation consists of flower-sellers, women
-in black veils—who always belong to the middle classes—beggars, and
-shopkeepers from the long street leading to St Peter’s. The magnificent
-gathering of officiating priests makes the smallness of the attendance
-more noticeable.
-
-After the consecration service, a mass is celebrated, and during
-the _Gloria in excelsis_, the bells are rung for the last time till
-Saturday.
-
-No mass is sung on Good-Friday; therefore, two hosts are consecrated on
-Holy-Thursday, one of which is placed in a magnificent jewelled pyx,
-and carried in procession to a niche beneath an altar in a side-chapel;
-the beautiful hymn, _Pange lingua_, being sung the while. The niche is
-called a ‘sepulchre,’ and is covered with gold and silver ornaments,
-and glitters with candles. All coverings are removed from the altars,
-and all lights put out on this day, the next ceremony to the mass being
-that of stripping and washing the high-altar. The bare marble of the
-great table is exposed, and those who have taken part in the earlier
-‘functions,’ walk in procession, and stand in a circle round it;
-acolytes carrying purple glass bottles pour on it something that smells
-like vinegar; and each dignitary, being provided with a tiny brush made
-of curled shavings, goes in turn to sweep the surface, places his brush
-on a tray, takes a sponge, with which he rubs the marble, and finally
-replaces that by a napkin, with which it is dried. By this time the
-morning is well on; the worshippers and onlookers in the great church
-are many; but there is no crowding or pushing. As the space is so vast,
-that all who wish can see, a few of the functionaries who keep order
-are quite enough to make things go easily.
-
-At all these services, we are much impressed by the extreme ease with
-which everything is conducted. There is a ‘master of ceremonies,’ and
-he, one fancies, must have held rehearsals; for from the officiating
-cardinal to the smallest acolyte, no one ever moves at the wrong time,
-or steps into the wrong place; yet the marching and counter-marching,
-the handing, giving, placing, taking, involved in such an elaborate
-ceremonial must require nice and careful arrangement and extreme
-foresight. The dresses of the priests who assist at these functions
-are violet cassocks, and very short surplices edged with lace, plaited
-into folds of minute patterns, involving laundry-work of no mean
-description. Other priests, and all bishops and monsignore, wear the
-same coloured cassocks, but with the addition of red pipings on cuffs
-and collars and fronts.
-
-The function of the ‘washing of the altar’ being ended, there is a
-pause; and one cannot but imagine that the cardinal retires to the
-great sacristy with a feeling of relief that the pageant is over for
-the time. The procession winds away to the left, and disappears through
-the gray marble doors of the sacristy; and we go home to lunch, feeling
-as if we had been spending a morning with our ancestors of three
-centuries back. The doings of the last four or five hours do not seem
-to agree with the appearance of the Via Babuino as our old coachman
-rattles us up to the door of our lodgings.
-
-In the afternoon, we are again in St Peter’s; this time, to find it
-almost crowded. At three, the ‘holy relics’ are exposed. These are—the
-handkerchief given by St Veronica to the Saviour as He passed on His
-way to the cross, and on which there is said to be the impression of
-His face; the lance with which His side was pierced; the head of St
-Andrew; and a portion of the true cross. They are presented to the
-public gaze from a balcony at an immense height, on one of the four
-great buttresses which support the dome. There is a rattle of small
-drums, and priests with white vestments appear on the balcony, holding
-up certain magnificent jewelled caskets of different shapes, amidst
-the dazzling settings of which it is quite impossible to recognise any
-object in particular. The kneeling throng, the vast dim church, the
-clouds of incense, the roll of drums, the sudden appearance of the
-glittering figures on the balcony, their disappearance, followed by
-the noise of the crowds as they quickly move and talk, after the dead
-silence during the exposure of the objects of veneration, combine to
-make this a most striking and impressive scene. Then, in the Capello
-Papale, follows the service of the Tenebræ, as it is called, with the
-singing of the Lamentations and the Miserere. The quietness of the now
-densely packed crowd, the soft music, and the glimmer of the few lights
-left in the dim chapel, strike one with a novel effect, after the
-somewhat careless and florid services usually conducted here.
-
-Emerging thence, the vast space of the cathedral looks larger than ever
-in the twilight, and the brilliant line of lights round the shrine
-of St Peter seem to glitter with double lustre; these, however, with
-all others, are soon extinguished, and the great basilica remains in
-darkness with covered crucifixes and stripped altars till Saturday
-morning. The ‘crowd’ as it seemed within the small chapel, appears
-nothing outside, and one by one the listeners disappear through the
-heavy leathern curtain that screens the door, finding by contrast the
-great piazza a scene of brilliant light, but quiet with what seems a
-strange stillness in the midst of a crowded city.
-
-On Good-Friday morning we are again in the Pope’s Chapel at half-past
-seven, and are in time to see the canons take their places in the
-stalls. Three priests, habited only in black cassock, and close
-surplice with no lace edging, advance to the altar and begin the
-service. The first part of this consists simply of a reading in
-Latin of the whole of the chapters from the gospel of St John which
-relate to the passion. The priests take different parts: one reads
-most beautifully the narrative; another speaks the words uttered by
-our Saviour; the third, those used by Pilate; and the choir repeat
-the words of the populace. It is startling in its simplicity, but
-wonderfully dramatic; the dignified remonstrances of Pilate, and the
-clear elocution of the reader of the history, making up an impressive
-service, not the least part of its strangeness consisting in the
-fact of there being no congregation; not a dozen persons besides
-the priests and canons are present in the chapel. This ended, the
-officiating bishop, who is clothed in purple vestments embroidered with
-gold, kneels in prayer before the altar, while the priests prostrate
-themselves. The bishop then rises; and the choir chant softly in a
-minor key while he takes the crucifix from the altar, uncovers it, and
-holds it up to the people. In the afternoon, the relics are exposed,
-Lamentations and Miserere sung after Tenebræ, as on the preceding days;
-but the church is dark, bare, and silent.
-
-The gloom of Friday is forgotten in the brilliant sunshine of Saturday
-morning, and we feel inspired with the freshness and life of a new day,
-as we once more gain the great steps leading to the basilica, watch the
-rainbow on the fountains, and the dancing lights in the waters of the
-large basins in the piazza. The obelisk in the centre is tipped with
-red gold, and the clear blue sky makes the figures on the _loggia_ and
-colonnades stand out with lifelike distinctness. This morning we are
-called to join in an unquestionable festival, the early ceremonial of
-rekindling the lights being one of the most cheerful ‘functions’ in
-which it is possible to participate.
-
-This service commences outside the cathedral; and ascending the steps
-to the _loggia_ or porch, we find it already occupied by an imposing
-array of priests and bishops. The handsome cardinal again officiates;
-he is seated with his back to the piazza, just within the pillars
-of the porch, and facing the brazen centre-doors of the church. In
-front of him is an enormous brasier, in which burns a bright fire of
-coals, branches, and leaves, which has been lighted by a spark struck
-from a flint outside the church. He wears magnificent purple and gold
-vestments; his finely embroidered cope and jewelled mitre glitter in
-the sun. Around him are acolytes, some of whom tend the fire, while
-others carry censers; priests, canons, and bishops all gorgeously
-apparelled, and performing their parts in the service with the usual
-precision and alacrity. Two priests stand with their backs to the great
-bronze doors; one bearing a massive gold cross, the other holding a
-bamboo with a transverse bar on the top, and on this are three candles.
-After some chanting, the cardinal rises; and an acolyte fills a censer
-with live coals from the brasier, and brings it for benediction;
-another presents five large cones of incense covered with gold; these
-are also blessed and sprinkled with holy-water; then incense is put
-on the hot ashes in the censer; and as the smoke ascends, the great
-bronze doors, so rarely unclosed, are thrown open, and the procession
-enters the cathedral. The effect is strangely beautiful. The lovely
-early morning light and sunshine, the great building empty of living
-thing, the gorgeous procession throwing a line of brilliant colour into
-the dim soft mist of the nave, the choir chanting as the priests walk,
-their voices echoing in the great space—all form a combination which
-must touch the least impressionable spectator, and which cannot but be
-photographed on the memory to its smallest detail. At the door, there
-is a pause while one of the candles on the bamboo is lighted; a second
-flame is kindled in the nave, and the third at the altar in the choir
-chapel. Thence, light is immediately sent to the other churches in
-Rome, where also darkness has reigned since Thursday afternoon.
-
-A venerable canon now ascends a platform, and from a very high desk
-reads some chapters, recites prayers, and then lights the great
-Easter candle which stands beside him. This is a huge pillar of wax,
-decorated with beautifully painted wreaths of flowers, and is placed in
-a magnificent silver candlestick. He takes the five cones of incense
-which the cardinal had blessed in the porch, and fixes them on the
-candle in the form of a cross. During his reading, the candles and
-lamps all over the church are relighted, and when it is over, all who
-formed the procession, bearing bouquets of lovely flowers, and small
-brushes like those used on Holy-Thursday, march to the baptistery,
-where the cardinal blesses the font, pours on the water in the huge
-basin chrism and oil, and sprinkles water to the four points of the
-compass—typifying the quarters of the globe.
-
-On the return of the procession to the choir chapel, the cardinal and
-others prostrate themselves before the altar while some beautiful
-litanies are chanted. Then follows a pause, during which the priests
-retire to the sacristy to take off their embroidered vestments. They
-return wearing only surplices edged with handsome lace over their
-cassocks. The cardinal has a plain cope of white silk and gold.
-
-After this, is the mass; and at the _Gloria_ the bells ring out a grand
-peal, all pictures are uncovered, and the organ is played for the first
-time during many days. The great church resumes its wonted cheerful
-aspect, and light and colour hold again their places.
-
-The afternoon ceremonies consist only of a procession of the cardinal
-to worship at special altars, the display of the holy relics, and the
-singing of a fine _Alleluia_ and psalm, instead of the usual vespers.
-
-Some pause is needed, one feels, before the cathedral is filled by
-the crowds who attend the Easter-Sunday mass; for no greater contrast
-can be imagined than that between the scenes of the quiet morning
-functions, with the numerous priests and few people, the stillness
-and peace of the hours we have been describing, and those enacted by
-the thronging crowds of foreign sightseers at the great festivals,
-who, pushing, gesticulating, standing on tiptoe, and asking irrelevant
-questions in audible voices, seem to look on these sacred services as
-spectacles devised for their gratification, rather than as expressions
-of the worship of a large section of their fellow-creatures; thus
-exemplifying the rapidity with which ignorance becomes irreverence.
-
-
-
-
-AMONG THE ADVERTISERS AGAIN.
-
-
-Can it ever be said that there is nothing in the papers, when
-advertisers are always to the fore, providing matter for admiration,
-wonder, amusement, or speculation? One day a gentleman announces
-the loss of his heart between the stalls and boxes of the Haymarket
-Theatre; the next, we have ‘R. N.’ telling ‘Dearest E.’—‘If you
-have the slightest inclination to become first-mate on board the
-screw-steamer, say so, and I will ask papa;’ and by-and-by we are
-trying to guess how the necessity arose for the following: ‘St James’s
-Theatre, Friday.—The Gentleman to whom a Lady offered her hand,
-apologises for not being able to take it.’
-
-Does any one want two thousand pounds? That nice little sum is to be
-obtained by merely introducing a certain New-Yorker to ‘the Pontess;’
-or if he or she be dead, to his or her heirs. ‘There is a doubt whether
-the cognomen was, or is, borne by a woman, a man, or a child; if by
-the last, it must have been born prior to the spring of 1873.’ If the
-Pontess-seeker fails in his quest from not knowing exactly what it is
-that he wants, an advertiser in the _Times_ is likely to have the same
-fortune from knowing, and letting those interested know, exactly what
-it is that he does not want. Needing the services of a married pair as
-coachman and cook, this outspoken gentleman stipulates that the latter
-must not grumble at her mistress being her own housekeeper; nor expect
-fat joints to be ordered to swell her perquisites; nor be imbued with
-the idea that because plenty may be around, she is bound to swell the
-tradesmen’s bills by as much waste as possible. ‘No couple need apply
-that expect the work to be put out, are fond of change, or who dictate
-to their employers how much company may be kept.’
-
-When two of a trade fall out, they are apt to disclose secrets which it
-were wiser to keep to themselves. Disgusted by the success of a rival
-whose advertising boards bore the representation of a venerable man
-sitting cross-legged at his work, a San Francisco tailor advertised:
-‘Don’t be humbugged by hoary-headed patriarchs who picture themselves
-cross-legged, and advertise pants made to order, three, four, and five
-dollars a pair. Do you know how it’s done? When you go into one of
-these stores that cover up their shop-windows with sample lengths of
-cassimere, marked “Pants to order, three dollars fifty cents and four
-dollars;” after you have made a selection of the piece of cloth you
-want your pants made from, the pompous individual who is chief engineer
-of the big tailor shears, lays them softly on the smoothest part of
-his cutting-table, unrolls his tape-line, and proceeds to measure his
-victim all over the body. The several measurements are all carefully
-entered in a book by the other humbug. The customer is then told that
-his pants will be finished in about twenty-four or thirty-six hours;
-all depends upon how long it takes to shrink the cloth. That’s the
-end of the first act. Part second.—The customer no sooner leaves the
-store than the merchant-tailor calls his shopboy Jim, and sends him
-around to some wholesale jobber, and says: “Get me a pair of pants,
-pattern thirty-six,” which is the shoddy imitation of the piece of
-cassimere that your pants are to be made of. “Get thirty-four round
-the waist, and thirty-three in the leg.” They are pulled out of a pile
-of a hundred pairs just like them, made by Chinese cheap labour. All
-the carefully made measurements and other claptrap are the bait on the
-hook. That’s the way it’s done.’
-
-Traders sometimes give themselves away, as Americans say, innocently
-enough, a Paris grocer advertising Madeira at two francs, Old Madeira
-at three francs, and genuine Madeira at ten francs, a bottle. A
-Bordeaux wine-merchant, after stating the price per cask and bottle
-of ‘the most varied and superior growths of Bordeaux and Burgundy,’
-concludes by announcing that he has also a stock of natural wine to be
-sold by private treaty. A sacrificing draper funnily tempts ladies to
-rid him of three hundred baptiste robes by averring ‘they will not last
-over two days;’ and the proprietor of somebody’s Methuselah Pills can
-give them no higher praise than, ‘Thousands have taken them, and are
-living still.’
-
-When continental advertisers, bent upon lightening British purses,
-rashly adventure to attack Englishmen in their own tongue, the
-result is often disastrously comical. The proprietor of a ‘milk-cur’
-establishment in Aix-la-Chapelle, ‘foundet before twenty years of
-orders from the magistrat,’ boasts that his quality of ‘Suisse and his
-experiences causes him to deliver a milk pure and nutritive, obtained
-by sounds cow’s and by a natural forage.’ One Parisian hosier informs
-his hoped-for patrons he possesses patent machinery for cutting
-‘sirths’—Franco-English, we presume, for shirts. Another proclaims his
-resolve to sell his wares dirty cheap; and a dealer in butter, eggs,
-and cheeses, whose ‘produces’ arrive every day ‘from the farms of the
-establishment without intermedial,’ requests would-be customers to
-send orders by unpaid letters, as ‘the house does not recognise any
-traveller.’ A Hamburg firm notifies that their ‘universal binocle of
-field is also preferable for the use in the field, like in the theatre,
-and had to the last degree of perfection concerning to rigouressness
-and pureness of the glass;’ while they are ready to supply all comers
-with ‘A Glass of Field for the Marine 52ctm opjectiv opening in extra
-shout lac-leather étui and strap, at sh 35s 6d.’ This is a specimen of
-their ‘English young man’s’ powers of composition that would justify
-the enterprising opticians in imitating the Frenchman whose shop-window
-was graced with a placard, bearing the strange device, ‘English spoken
-here a few.’
-
-An Italian, speaking French well and a little English, with whom ‘wage
-is no object,’ advertising in a London paper for an engagement as an
-indoor servant, puts down his height as ‘fifty-seven feet seven.’ But
-he manages his little English to better purpose than his countryman of
-Milan, who offers the bestest comforts to travellers, at his hotel,
-which he describes as ‘situated in the centre of an immence parck,
-with most magnificient views of the Alp chain, and an English church
-residing in the hotel’—the latter being furthermore provided with
-‘baths of mineral waters in elegant private cabins and shower rooms,
-and two basins for bathin’; one for gentlemen, the oter for ladies;’
-while it contains a hundred and fifty rooms, ‘all exposed to the
-south-west dining-groom.’
-
-Such an exposure might well cause the Milanese host’s visitors to
-become ‘persons dependent upon the headache, or who have copious
-perspirations,’ whom a M. Lejeune invites ‘to come and visit without
-buying his new fabrication,’ with the chance of meeting ‘the
-hat-makers, who endeavour by caoutchouc, gummed linen and others, to
-prevent hats from becoming dirt;’ eager to hear the inventor of the new
-fabrication demonstrate ‘how much all those preparations are injurious,
-and excite, on contrary, to perspiration.’ Equally anxious to attract
-British custom is a doctor-dentist who, ‘after many years consecrated
-to serious experiences, has perfected the laying of artificial teeth
-by wholly new proceedings. He makes himself most difficulty works; it
-is the best guaranty, and, thanks to his peculiar proceeding, his work
-joins to elegancy, solidity, and duration.’ Considering all things, our
-doctor-dentist’s derangement of sentences is quite as commendable as
-that of the Belfast gentleman desirous of letting ‘the House at present
-occupied, and since erected by J. H——, Esq.;’ who might pair off with
-the worthy responsible for—‘To be sold, _six_ cows—No. 1, a beautiful
-cow, calved eight days, with splendid calf at foot, a good milker;
-No. 2, a cow to calve in about fourteen days, and great promise. The
-_other two_ cows are calved about twenty-one days, and _will speak for
-themselves_.’
-
-By a fortuitous concurrence of antagonistic lines, the _Times_ one
-morning gave mothers the startling information that
-
- JOSEPH GILLOTT’S STEEL PENS
- THE BEST FOOD FOR INFANTS
- IS PREPARED SOLELY BY
- SAVORY AND MOORE
-
-—a hint as likely to be taken as that of a public benefactor who
-announced in the _Standard_: ‘Incredible as it may seem, I have ground
-to hope that half a glass of cold water, taken immediately after every
-meal, will be found to be the divinely appointed antidote for every
-kind of medicine.’
-
-Another benevolent individual kindly tells us how to make coffee:
-
- Placed in the parted straining-top let stand
- The moistened coffee, till the grain expand,
- Before the fire; then boiling water pour,
- And quaff the nectar of the Indian shore.
-
-But he is not quite so generous as he seems, since he is careful
-to inform us he is in possession of an equally excellent recipe
-for bringing out the flavour of tea, which he will forward for
-five shillings-worth of stamps. Urged by an equally uncontrollable
-desire to serve his fellow-creatures, a ‘magister in palmystery and
-conditionalist’ offers, with the aid of guardian spirits, to obtain for
-any one a glimpse at the past and present; and, on certain conditions,
-of the future; but with less wisdom than a magister of palmystery
-should display, he winds up with the prosaic notification, ‘Boots and
-shoes made to order.’
-
-The wants of the majority of advertisers are intelligible enough;
-but it needs some special knowledge to understand what may be
-meant by the good people who hanker for a portable mechanic, an
-efficient handwriter, a peerless feeder, a first-class ventilator on
-human hair-nets, a practical cutter by measure on ladies’ waists,
-a youth used to wriggling, and a boy to kick Gordon. Nor is the
-position required by a respectable young lady as ‘figure in a
-large establishment,’ altogether clear to our mind; and we may be
-doing injustice to the newspaper proprietor requiring ‘a sporting
-compositor,’ by inferring he wants a man clever alike at ‘tips’ and
-types.
-
-It does not say much for American theatrical ‘combinations,’ that the
-managers of one of them ostentatiously proclaim: ‘We pay our salaries
-regularly every Tuesday; by so doing, we avoid lawsuits, are not
-compelled to constantly change our people, and always carry our watches
-in our pockets.’ Neither would America appear to be quite such a land
-of liberty as it is supposed to be, since a gentleman advertises his
-want of a furnished room where he can have perfect independence; while
-we have native testimony to our cousins’ curiosity in a quiet young
-lady desiring a handsome furnished apartment ‘with non-inquisitive
-parties;’ and a married couple seeking three or four furnished rooms
-‘for very light housekeeping, where people are not inquisitive.’ Can
-it be the same pair who want a competent Protestant girl ‘to take
-entire charge of a bottled baby?’ If so, their anxiety to abide with
-non-curious folk is easily comprehended.
-
-Very whimsical desires find expression in the advertising columns of
-the day. A lady of companionable habits, wishing to meet with a lady
-or gentleman requiring a companion, would prefer to act as such to
-‘one who, from circumstances, is compelled to lead a retired life.’
-A stylish and elegant widow, a good singer and musician, possessing
-energy, business knowledge, and means of her own, ready, ‘for the
-sake of a social home,’ to undertake the supervision of a widower’s
-establishment, thinks it well to add, goodness knows why, ‘a Radical
-preferred.’ Somebody in search of a middle-aged man willing to travel,
-stipulates for a misanthrope with bitter experience of the wickedness
-of mankind; displaying as pleasant a taste as the proprietor of a
-wonderful discovery for relieving pain and curing disease without
-medicine, who wants a partner in the shape of a consumptive or
-asthmatical gentleman.
-
-Your jocular man, lacking an outlet for his wit, will often pay
-for the privilege of airing his humour in public. Here are a few
-examples. ‘Wanted, a good Liberal candidate for the Kilmarnock Burghs.
-Several inferior ones given in exchange.’—‘Wanted a Thin Man who has
-been used to collecting debts, to crawl through keyholes and find
-debtors who are never at home. Salary, nothing the first year; to
-be doubled each year afterwards.’—‘Wanted, Twelve-feet planks at
-the corners of all the streets in Melbourne, until the Corporation
-can find some other means of crossing the metropolitan creeks. The
-planks and the Corporation may be tied up to the lamp-posts in the
-dry weather.’—‘Wanted, a Cultured Gentleman used to milking goats; a
-University man preferred.’—‘Correspondence is solicited from Bearded
-Ladies, Circassians, and other female curiosities, who, in return for a
-true heart and devoted husband, would travel during the summer months,
-and allow him to take the money at the door.’—‘Wanted, a Coachman,
-the ugliest in the city; he must not, however, have a moustache nor
-red hair, as those are very taking qualities in certain households at
-present. As he will not be required to take care of his employer’s
-daughter, and is simply engaged to see to the horses, he will only be
-allowed twenty dollars per month.’
-
-A great deal might be said about pictorial advertisements, if the
-impossibility of reproducing them did not stand in the way. As it is,
-we must content ourselves with showing how an advertisement can be
-illustrated without the help of draughtsman or engraver. By arranging
-ordinary printers’ types thus:
-
-[Illustration]
-
-an ingenious advertising agent presents the public with portraits of
-the man who does not and the man who does advertise, and says: ‘Try it,
-and see how you will look yourself.’
-
-
-
-
-A STRANGE INSTITUTION.
-
-
-Amongst the oral traditions of the past in Cambridge, there is handed
-down to the modern undergraduate an account of a secret Society which
-was established in the university at a remote period of time, and which
-was called the Lie Society. At the weekly meetings of the members, an
-ingenious falsehood was fabricated, which frequently referred to some
-person locally known, and which was probably not altogether free from
-scandal. It was the duty of all the members to propagate this invented
-story as much as possible by relating it to every one they met. Each
-member had to make a note of the altered form in which the lie thus
-circulated came round to him individually, and these were read out at
-the next meeting with all the copious additions and changes the story
-had received passing from one to the other, often to such an extent
-as to leave but little of the original fabric left. After a time the
-Society began to languish, and soon after disappeared altogether.
-
-In the dim past, and before the present stringent regulations were made
-as to examinations in the Senate House, another secret Society was
-organised, called the Beavers, which was for the purpose of enabling
-members, when being examined, to help each other by a system of
-signals. With this view, one of the members of the Beavers was told off
-by lot to perform various duties assigned to him, such as engaging the
-attention of the examiners, and giving information as to the papers by
-preconcerted signs. This Society soon collapsed. To one of its members
-is credited the ingenious watch-faced Euclid, and the edition of
-Little-go-classics on sleeve-links.
-
-
-
-
-MY HOME IN ANNANDALE REVISITED.
-
-
- I leave with joy the smoky town,
- As pining captive quits his cell,
- O’er shining sea and purple fell,
- Again to see the sun go down:
-
- As once behind great Penmanmawr,
- A ball of fire, o’er Conway Bay
- He silent hung, then sank away,
- And beauteous shone the evening star.
-
- My village home at length I reach,
- And stand beside my father’s door;
- His feet are on its step no more:
- From texts like this, Time loves to preach.
-
- Daylight is dying in the west;
- The leaden night-clouds blot the sky;
- Across the fields, the pewit’s cry
- Only makes deeper nature’s rest.
-
- The water-wheel stands at the mill,
- The fisher leaves the sandy shore,
- By garden gate and unlatched door
- Lassies and lads are meeting still.
-
- Beside me stand the kirk and manse,
- On this green knoll among the trees;
- The summer burn still croons to these;
- But where are those who loved me once?
-
- Only a sound of breaking waves,
- All through the night, comes from the sea:
- But those who kindly thought of me,
- Are sleeping in these quiet graves.
-
- No sounds of earth can wake the dead!
- I vainly yearn for what hath been:
- The faces I in youth have seen,
- With the lost years away have fled.
-
- The faintest breath that stirs the air
- Will take the dead leaf from the tree;
- Thus, one by one, have gone from me
- Those who my young companions were.
-
- A stranger in my native place,
- Wearing the silver mask of years,
- None meet me now with smiles or tears,
- Or in the man the boy can trace.
-
- My trees cut down, have left the place
- Vacant and silent where they grew;
- From fields and farms, that once I knew,
- I miss each well-remembered face.
-
- This price, returning, I must pay,
- With wandering foot who loved to roam:
- Thrice happy he who finds a home
- And constant friends, when far away.
-
- As relics from a holy shrine,
- Dear names are treasured in my heart;
- Death only for an hour can part;
- And all I loved, will yet be mine.
-
- With blinding tears, I turn away.
- Young hearts round this new life can twine;
- But from my path has passed for aye
- The light and love of auld langsyne.
-
- KIRTLE.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Printed and Published by W. & R. CHAMBERS, 47 Paternoster Row, LONDON,
-and 339 High Street, EDINBURGH.
-
- * * * * *
-
-_All Rights Reserved._
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