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diff --git a/old/66323-0.txt b/old/66323-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index d5615d1..0000000 --- a/old/66323-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1889 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Natural History of the Gent, by Albert -Smith - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this eBook. - -Title: The Natural History of the Gent - -Author: Albert Smith - -Release Date: September 17, 2021 [eBook #66323] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -Produced by: deaurider, Barry Abrahamsen, and the Online Distributed - Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was - produced from images generously made available by The Internet - Archive) - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE NATURAL HISTORY OF THE -GENT *** - -[Illustration: - - “Come along, my r-r-r-r-rummy cove; come along! how are you? how d’ye - do? here we are my bricksywicksywicksy!!!” -] - - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - THE NATURAL HISTORY - - OF - - THE GENT. - -[Illustration] - - - BY ALBERT SMITH. - - - - LONDON: - - DAVID BOGUE, 86 FLEET STREET. - - MDCCCXLVII. - - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - LONDON: - - VIZETELLY BROTHERS AND CO. PRINTERS AND ENGRAVERS, - - PETERBOROUGH COURT, FLEET STREET. - - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - PREFACE. - - -IN the Sunday newspapers of May 24, of the past year, 1846, appeared the -following paragraph:— - - - MARYLEBONE. - - A “GENT.”—A respectable-looking man, named James Dickenson, was - charged by Brooks, 169 S, who said, “Please your worship, at two - o’clock yesterday morning (Monday), I found this ‘gent’ drunk in - Park Road, and took him into custody.” - - _Mr. Rawlinson_: Who do you say you found drunk? - - _Constable_: This “gent,” your worship. - - _Mr. Rawlinson_: What do you mean by “gent?” There is no such - word in our language. I hold a man who is called a “gent” to be - the greatest blackguard there is. (To the prisoner): What do you - say to this? I hope you are not a “gent.” - - _Prisoner_: I am not, sir, and I trust that I know the - distinction between a “gent” and a “gentleman.” - - _Mr. Rawlinson_: I dare say you do, sir, and I look upon the - word “gent” as one of the most blackguard expressions that can - be used. - - The prisoner was fined 5s., which he directly paid. - - -We were exceedingly delighted when we read this police report. We had -laboured, for three or four years, to bring the race of Gents into -universal contempt; and we at last found that an intelligent and -respected London magistrate had publicly stated, from the bench, his -opinion of the miserable class in question; and that it exactly -coincided with our own. But fearing—from seeing the odious word still -starting up in shops, ticketed to wild articles of dress, to be -hereafter alluded to, as well as hearing it every now and then applied -by one “party” to another of his acquaintance—that the species was not -yet extinct; fearing this, in spite of our direct attacks in _Punch_ and -_Bentley’s Miscellany_, and our side-wind blows through the medium of -our esteemed friend John Parry, certain burlesques at the Lyceum, and -various other channels—we determined upon reconsidering all we had ever -propounded on the subject, and publishing it in the form now presented -to the reader, that all might clearly see who the Gents were, and shun -them accordingly. - -And so we leave our little book in your hands, published at a price, as -a prospectus always says, “that will bring it within the reach of all -classes.” And we request your co-operation towards the great end of -putting Gents out altogether. For they form an offensive body, of more -importance than you would at first conceive; and both public and private -society will be much benefited by their extinction. - -[Illustration] - - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - THE NATURAL HISTORY - - OF - - THE GENT. - - - - - CHAPTER I. - - WHAT THE GENT IS GENERALLY. - - -THE species of the human race, to the consideration of which we are -about to draw the attention of the reader, is of all others the most -unbearable, principally from an assumption of style about him—a futile -aping of superiority that inspires us with feelings of mingled contempt -and amusement, when we contemplate his ridiculous pretensions to be -considered “the thing.” - -The Gent is of comparatively late creation. He has sprung from the -original rude untutored man by combinations of chance and cultivation, -in the same manner as the later varieties of fancy pippins have been -produced by the devices of artful market-gardeners, from the original -stock wild crab of the hedges. The fashion which Gents have of -occasionally addressing one another as “my pippin” favours this analogy: -and when they use this figure of speech, they pronounce it as -follows,—placing great stress on the first letter, and then waiting -awhile for the rest,—“Ullo, my P—ippin!” - -After much diligent investigation, we find no mention made of the Gent -in the writings of authors who flourished antecedent to the last ten -years. - -In the older works we meet with “_bucks_” and “_gay blades_” and -“_pretty fellows_;” and later with “_men upon town_,” “_swells_” and -“_downy ones_,” or “_knowing coves_:” but the pure Gent comes not under -any of these orders. He was not known in these times. He is scarcely -understood now so universally as we could wish; but we trust that his -real character will, before long, be properly appreciated. He is -evidently the result of a variety of our present condition of -society—that constant wearing struggle to appear something more than we -in reality are, which now characterizes every body, both in their public -and private phases. - -Our attention was first called to the Gents in the following manner:— - -We were in the habit of occasionally coming into contact with certain -individuals, who when they spoke of their acquaintances were accustomed -to say “I know a Gent,” or, “A Gent told me.” Never by any good luck did -we hear them speak of Gentlemen. But it occurred that we chanced, on -future occasions, to see one or two of the Gents above alluded to, and -then we understood what they were. - -[Illustration] - -The first Gent we ever saw, we encountered on the roof of an omnibus, -with his hat a little on one side, and a staring shawl round his neck. -He was also smoking a cigar, as he sat next to the driver, in order that -he might reap the benefit of his anecdotes and remarks concerning the -horses and vehicle, to which the Gent replied at intervals, “Ah,” and -“Yes,” and “I should say not,” and “Just so,” with other similar phrases -used to fill up unmeaning dialogue. We heard him speak of “a Party he -knew,” and he was very much interested at hearing that the off-horse -worked “in the fust bus as ever Shillibeer started, and was took from -the Angel to be put on the Elephant.” He was also informed of the -singular speculation in which “the guvner give a fippun note for that -little mare, and was offered eight sovrins for her within a week, though -she was a reg’lar bag o’ bones;” upon which the Gent observed that “very -often those sort of horses were the best.” Having delivered himself of -which opinion, he rolled his cigar about in his mouth, gave a whiff in -our face, and then removed it between his middle and ring-finger, to -offer it to another Gent on the roof, who begged the favour of a light. - -[Illustration] - -The next Gent we met was in the street. He wore large check trowsers of -the true light comedian pattern, which appeared to have been made -expressly for Mr. Walter Lacy, or Mr. Wright: and he had on a short odd -coat; such a one as that in which Mr. Buckstone might be expected to go -to a ball. He carried a little stick of no earthly use, with a horse’s -silver hoof on the top of it, which he kept to his lips always; and he -also patronised the staring shawl and cigar; and he evidently imagined -that he was “rather the Stilton than otherwise”—“_Stilton_” or -“_cheese_” being terms by which Gents imply style or fashion. He was -pursuing a pretty girl of modest deportment, who was possibly going -home—for it was evening, when Gents and cheap umbrellas chiefly -flourish—after her hard day’s toil at a bonnet-shop. The Gent had not -the sense to see that his advances were repulsed with scorn and -indignation. He imagined that by addressing his coarse annoying -gallantry to an unprotected girl, he was acting as if he was “upon -town,” “a fast man,” “up to a thing or two,” or some other such epithet, -which it is the ambition of the Gent to get attached to his name. - -[Illustration] - -We met the next Gent in the boxes at one of the theatres, whither he had -come in the full-dress of a light blue stock, and cleaned white gloves -re-dirtied. We knew they had been cleaned; they exhaled a faint camphine -odour, as he put his hand on the brass rail and leant over us, and there -was none of that sharpness of outline in their dirt which new gloves -evince: it was denser, cloudier, more universal; and the knuckles and -nails were remarkably so. This Gent also had a little stick. He lighted -a cigar at the lobby-lamp on leaving the house, and pulled a staring -shawl out of his hat as he whistled an air from one of the burlesques. -He went over to the Albion, the room of which was quite full; and after -standing in the centre for a few seconds—tapping his teeth with his -stick, whilst his left hand was thrust into the hinder pocket of his -coat, dragged round to his hip—apparently disgusted at not creating any -sensation, he turned round on his heel, and crossing Covent Garden, -ultimately dived into Evans’s. - -Then we thought that the Gents must be a race by themselves, which -social naturalists had overlooked, deserving some attention; and we -determined to study their habits, and allot to them a certain position -which at that time they did not appear to have. - -[Illustration] - - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAPTER II. - - OF THE MANNER BY WHICH GENTS ARE KNOWN. - - -EXPERIENCE proves that pictures are the best media for conveying -information at the outset of tuition. Hence, in the study of Natural -History, for instance, tyros learn the animals with their letters: their -hornbooks have zoological alphabets, coloured in tints more or less -eccentric; and, although led away by the representations, they sometimes -read “A for donkey, B for great cow, C for poor puss,” yet, on the -whole, the way is a good one. - -So, we will teach those not yet well up in the manner, by pictures, how -they may know the Gents. - -The finest specimens may be seen in the coloured “Fashions,” with which -certain comically-disposed tailors adorn their windows. In these -presumed representations of prevalent style, some favourite west-end -locality is taken for the background; and, in front, are many Gents, in -such attitudes as may display their figures and little boots to the best -advantage. Some are supposed to be arrayed for an evening party, in -green dress-coats and puce tights. Some, again, are represented as -sportsmen, with pinched-in waists, that the shock of the first leap, or -the kick of the first shot, would knock in half; and others are -promenade Gents, in frock coats and corded trowsers, bowing to one -another with much grace, or leading little Gents by the hand, who look -like animated daguerreotypes of themselves. Well, then, these are Gents, -_pur sang_. Observe, as the showman says, observe their -fashionably-shaped hats, their Lilliputian boots, their tiny gloves. -There is no deception. Observe that all their positions are evidently -the result of much study; and that the greater part of them have one arm -elevated, and the palm open, with the air of a conjurer when he -says,—“You will perceive I have nothing in my hand.” - -[Illustration] - -Of the same family as these Gents, are the fashionable loungers in -pantomimes, who walk about with the distinguished females in the scanty -_visites_ of pink glazed calico, trimmed with ermine; and the lovers in -the blue coats and white trowsers on the sixpenny valentines, who direct -the attention of the adored one to the distant village church. - -[Illustration] - - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAPTER III. - - OF THE CHIEF OUTWARD CHARACTERISTICS OF THE GENT. - - -ONE has only to look into the advertisements of cheap tailors, and the -windows of ticketed shops, to form a very good notion of the other -principal marks by which the Gent may be distinguished. - -It should be borne in mind, that the main object of the Gent is to -assume a position which he conceives to be superior to his own. - -Now this, he fancies, is in a great measure accomplished by -out-of-the-way clothes—a mark of superiority which has the advantage of -requiring but a small outlay of intellect; and cunning manufacturers -invent things on purpose to suit this taste, as the men of Manchester -export gay-coloured, large-figured patterns for the negroes. - -For him the cheap Tailor announces the “Gent’s Vest”—which is the Hebrew -for “Snob’s Waistcoat”—as patronised by the nobility. To catch his eye -alone, are the representations of men of _ton_ put at the side of the -advertisements; and, for his inspection, do the dummies stand at the -doors of the shops, invested in the splendour of an entire suit, with an -impossible waist, “made to measure for the same terms.” - -And we may observe that the Gents usually speak of their get-up as _the -ticket_—the term possibly being used in allusion to the badge which -distinguished their various articles of dress when exposed for sale. -And, in writing these, the leaning of the Gents towards distinguished -associations is very evident. A great coat must be a “Chesterfield,” a -“Taglioni,” or a “Codrington;” a little rag of coloured silk for the -neck is called a “Byron Tie;” and so on. If the things are not dignified -by these terms, the Gent does not think much of them. - -To his taste does the ready-made Shoemaker appeal in the short fancy -_Alberts_, ticketed “The Fashion.” If you are accustomed to derive a -little gratuitous amusement from shop windows, as you go along the -streets, you will see in them the funniest things, meant for the Gents, -that it is possible to conceive. The most favourite style of _chaussure_ -is a species of cloth-boot, with a shiny-leather toe, and a close row of -little mother-of-pearl shirt-buttons down the front; not for any -purpose, for they are simply sewn on, the real method of fastening on -the brodequin being by the humble lace and tag of domestic life, at the -side. - -[Illustration] - -But it is with the Haberdashers that the toilet of the Gents comes out -strongest. - -You will see “Gents’ Dress Kid” ticketed in the window. Be ye sure that -they are large sized, awkwardly cut, yellow kid gloves, at -one-and-sixpence. The tint is evidently a weakness with the Gents, who -think them dashing, and say they come from _Hoobegongs_. But the -merchants, lacking discrimination, believe that the predisposition is -general. We will wager a dozen pairs of them that you never went into -one of these establishments, and simply and decidedly demanded a pair of -white kid gloves, but you were immediately asked “if you would not -prefer straw-coloured?” - -And then the stocks—what marvellous cravats they form! Blue always the -favourite colour—blue, with gold sprigs! blue, with a crimson floss-silk -flower! blue Joinvilles, with rainbow ends! And, if they are black and -long, they are fashioned into quaint conceits: Frills of black satin -down the front, or bands of the same fabric looking like an imitation of -crimped skate; or studs of jet made like buttons, as if the Gent wore a -cheap, black satin shirt, and that was where it fastened. And the white -stocks are more fanciful still. They are not very popular in their -simple form; for the Gents feel that they cannot help looking like -waiters in them; and so a little illegitimate finery is necessary. Hence -they have lace ends, like the stamped papers from the top of _bon-bon_ -and French plum boxes. And the effect in society is very fine. - -[Illustration] - -The Jewellers consult the Gents, and for them manufacture various -dashing articles in electro-gold. Some of the ornaments for the cravat -are like large white currants, with gilt eels twisting round them; and -others like blanket-pins with water on the brain. We have also seen some -sporting Gents—of whom we shall hereafter speak—with mosaic gold heads -of horses and foxes stuck in their stocks. And they love rings in -profusion, which we have seen them at times wear outside their gloves. -But this, perhaps, was an advantage, as Gents are accustomed, in -general, to wear their hands large and red, with flattened ends to the -fingers. - -[Illustration] - -It is for the Gents to buy, that the print-sellers put forward those -dreary pictures of the _Pets of the Ballet_; consisting chiefly of -chubby young persons, in short petticoats and ungraceful attitudes, like -nothing ever seen on the stage anywhere; and coloured lithographs of -housemaids cleaning steps; and chambermaids with flat candlesticks in -their hands; and women with large black dots of eyes and heavy ringlets, -trying on shoes. One was very popular a little time ago. It represented -a young lady something between a hairdresser’s dummy and a barmaid, with -a man’s coat and hat on over her own dress. She was looking through an -eye-glass at the top of a whip, and underneath was written -“_damme!_”—why, or wherefore, or in what relation to the singular mode -of toilet she has adopted, or what the word itself meant in the -abstract, we never could make out. But the Gents seemed to know all -about it, and bought the picture furiously. - -By the tokens above mentioned—including always the staring shawl and the -_al fresco_ cigar—you may know the Gent when you see him, even if you -met him on the top of Mont Blanc—a place, however, where you are not -very likely to encounter him. He prefers Windmill Hill. - -[Illustration] - - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAPTER IV. - - OF THE GENT AT THE THEATRE. - - -WHEN the Promenade Concerts usurped the place of the regular Drama at -our theatres, and Kœnig and Musard occupied the places of Kean and -Macready—when Juliet was neglected for Jullien, Prospero for Prospère, -and Viola for the violins, the Gent was exceedingly gratified thereby. -The Promenade became his Paradise; and he used to walk round and round, -keeping his face towards the audience (admiring the young ladies in the -dress tier), with the pertinacity of the grand banners in stage -processions; which, painted only on one side, appear to be endowed with -some heliotropic principle, that causes their emblazoned surfaces to -revolve always on the same plane with the footlights. But, whilst the -Gent conceived that he was here “doing it—rather,” in the railway -trowsers and dazzling stock, he totally forgot that the true _flaneur_ -would appear in something like evening costume, although he might not -altogether adopt the extreme _rigueur_. - -[Illustration] - -We were rather inquieted as to what the Gents would do when these -concerts closed. We made great search, and found at length that the -majority emigrated to the musical taverns, where they contrived to get -through the evening under the combined influence of Bellini, bottled -beer, and brandy-and-water; deriving additional excitement from the -novelty of seeing Somnambula performed through a haze of tobacco-smoke. - -[Illustration] - -But the theatre proper, is a favourite resort of the Gent, and -half-price to the boxes his usual plan of patronising it; more -especially when there is a ballet. Of the different parts of the house -he prefers the slips. If you are seated opposite, you will see him come -in about nine o’clock, and, leaving the panel door open, he stands on -the seat, with his hands in his pockets, his stick under his arm, and -thus makes his observations. Presently getting disgusted at the want of -respect shown to him by an old gentleman in front, who is watching the -performance most intently, with his head reclining on his arms, which -are again supported by the rail, and who requests that he will have the -goodness to shut the door, the Gent walks grandly away, and goes round -to the other side, evidently conceiving that his dignity has been hurt. -Here the same process of observation is repeated; and, if the Gent sees -a pretty girl in a private box, he stares unflinchingly at her, until he -thinks he has made an impression. And this is a strange lunatic notion -with Gents of every degree: they believe they have powers to fascinate -every female upon whom they cast their eyes, never thinking of the utter -contempt always excited by such obtrusiveness on the part of an entire -stranger. - - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAPTER V. - - OF THE GENT, AFTER THE PLAY, AT A TAVERN. - - -BY the following signs may the Gent at this period be known: He walketh -six abreast under the Piazza, singing a negro air in chorus; and, -perchance, danceth a lively measure to the _refrain_, until he arriveth -at the entrance of Evans’s Grand Hotel. He descendeth the stairs, and, -on entering the room, he goeth to the upper end thereof; and, having -greeted the singers with a wink, calleth out “Charles!” No response -being made by the waiter, he rappeth with his stick upon the table, -until the peppercastor falleth on the floor; for which unseemly conduct -Evans mildly reproveth him. He taketh a sight at Evans in return, when -he can do so unobserved, and saith that he liketh him not so well as -Rhodes: and then he calleth “Henry!” Being served with the rabbit of -Wales, he saith to the funny singer,—“How are you, old feller!” and -presseth him to partake of his grog. He proffereth a prayer that the -funny singer will oblige him with a particular song. The funny singer -complieth; and the Gent singeth the chorus, prolonging it far beyond the -proper length, to the indignation of Evans. At its conclusion, his -animal spirits and enthusiastic approbation impel him to call -out—“Bravo, Rouse!” which promoteth political dissension amongst the -guests. Evans telleth him “that he cannot have the harmony of the room -disturbed by one individual”—a sentiment which the Gent applaudeth -lustily, and ordereth some champagne, which he drinketh, with the -singers, from a tankard. The anger of Evans is in a measure appeased. -The Gent joineth in a glee at the wrong time; but turneth away wrath by -buying a copy of it when finished. He ordereth more champagne, and -believeth that he is taken by the room for a “Lord about town.” He saith -he hath a pony that he will back against every other to do every thing. -He talketh of actresses, and winketh mysteriously. He telleth the funny -singer that if he will come and see him at his little place in the city, -he will put him up to a thing or two. At last he getteth troublesome, -and is coaxed away by his companions. The next morning he saith what a -spree he had, and that he sat opposite to an officer who knew one of the -ballet, and had spoken to her once behind the scenes; and so he thinketh -that he hath a link with the great world. But yet, upon reflection, he -hath not. - -[Illustration] - - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAPTER VI. - - OF THE GENT IN THE OPEN AIR. - - -THE most popular lounging thoroughfares of the west-end, such as Regent -Street, the Burlington Arcade, Bond Street, or Piccadilly, are not those -in which the Gents are to be often encountered in the day-time. The -majority of them have evidently occupations, which keep them somewhere -until four or five o’clock, so that they never come out in their full -force until dusk, except on holidays; and then the short steamboats are -the best places to find them. In fine weather, they discard the staring -shawl for a blue handkerchief, with white spots; and then they provide -themselves with a cigar (the cigar again!), a bottle of stout, and a -Sunday paper, and, from the edge of the paddle-box, or from the top of -the cabin, defy the world. You can find out their locality by the vapour -of the cigar, as the “smoke which so gracefully curled” showed the -author of “The Woodpecker” that he was in the vicinity of a cottage. If -you cannot discover them by this sign, you must look out for their -studs—they have a great idea of studs—usually like blue raspberries, -which you will find glittering in the sun. If, by chance, they wear a -long stock, then they have two pins and a chain; but such pins! and such -a chain! You can never see any thing like them, unless you go to the -Lowther Arcade; and there, amongst those wondrous collections of -ornamental and useful articles which strew that thoroughfare—for all the -houses appear to have turned themselves and their contents out of the -window—you will find similar ones; meant, however, if we mistake not, -for the back plaits of ladies’ hair. And this reminds us that the -Lowther Arcade is a favourite lounge with the Gents: it is possible -that, from the glittering stores here displayed, they acquire their -taste for jewellery. The Lowther Arcade is to the men in the city -chambers what the Burlington is to the denizens of the Albany. It is, as -it were, the frontier between the two hemispheres of London life, to -which position it lays some claim, inasmuch as when very crowded, a -personal examination of effects sometimes takes place on passing it. And -great is the throng here of an afternoon, principally composed of Gents -and seedy foreigners, walking up an appetite for the incomprehensible -carte of Berthollini; or a doubtful cross between these two varieties of -the human species, found, upon investigation, to be attached to -billiard-tables. And, by the way, remember, that of all the scamps upon -town, your billiard-table _habitués_ are the darkest. Here they walk up -and down for hours, loading the air with the products of combustion from -their cheap cigars, (cigars again!) puffing the smoke into every bonnet -they meet, or standing at the entrance with a whip in their hands, as -though they had just got off their horse, and were keeping an -appointment. But in reality they have no horse, nor do they expect any -body. - -[Illustration] - -[Illustration] - -There are several loungers at this part of the town, who belong neither -to the race of Gents nor Foreigners, and certainly are not military, -although they evidently wish to be considered so; to whom we may briefly -allude; for they partake, in a slight degree, of the characteristics of -the former. They wear mustaches and curious frock-coats, sometimes with -dabs of braid about them. Their hair is wiry and dark, and they are -constantly arranging it with their hands. Sometimes they are seen with -spurs; occasionally they carry a black cane, shouldered like a gun, -twisted round their arm, with its head in their pocket, held upside -down, in any way but the normal one. Day after day, when it is fine; -nay, year after year; there they are, true _batteurs de pavé_. You may -follow them for hours, and you will never see them speak to, or -recognised by, any body. They do not even commune with each other. -Nobody knows them; they belong to no club, and are never seen anywhere -else. And it is remarkable that, like butterflies, you only come across -them in bright weather. Where they go to at other times we cannot tell; -we shall never be able to do so, until we have solved two other similar -enigmas with respect to pins and bluebottles; and their ultimate -destination is, to our thinking, the greatest marvel of the present day. -For the corpses of the latter, found in grocers’ windows and saucers of -unacknowledged poisons, and the rusty remains of the former discovered -between boards, bear no comparison to the numbers that have existed. -This disappearance is as remarkable as the generation of the fine woolly -substance you find in the corner of your waistcoat pocket, where you -have only kept a pencil-case and latch-key. But this by the way. - -[Illustration] - -We have said the Gent likes to be outside an omnibus. But he also loves -the roof—literally, the roof; and he almost rejoices when he finds that -the box is full, and he is obliged to perch there; for his mind appears -to be brightened by his position, and many eccentricities are induced. -He nods to other passengers as they pass, in a familiar manner, causing -them to puzzle themselves almost into insanity during the remainder of -the day, in endeavours to recollect who he could have been. He winks at -the elder pupils of the promenading Hammersmith academies, if on their -road; and tells old ladies, when they get out to go away, to give his -love at home, and that he will be sure to write to them. He also has a -cigar here, and he offers one to the coachman and other passengers. -Before stages were exterminated the Gent preferred the box just the -same; indeed, he felt in a measure degraded if he could not get it; and -when the coachman got down he liked to hold the reins and whip in the -proper manner, and show people that he was perfectly used to such a -thing, and, for aught they could tell, might have a four-in-hand of his -own. - -A variety of this last style of Gent, whom we may call the Driving Gent, -has lately come up about town. We were in the Strand the other -afternoon, and suddenly heard some notes from a post-horn, very badly -blown; upon which we looked round, and saw a dog-cart approaching, with -two horses to it, driven tandem fashion, with ferret-bells on their -bearing reins. On this dog-cart were four Gents—not two gentlemen and -two servants, as might have been expected. They were all dressed nearly -alike; hats with narrow brims, coats with large buttons, staring shawls, -and trowsers of the most prominent style—very _loud_ patterns, as a -friend appropriately called them. Three had cigars, and the other had -the horn; and it was evident that they thought they were “doing the fast -thing, and no mistake.” We saw them afterwards in the Park, and chanced -to follow them for some distance. The whole time they were there they -never exchanged a salute with a soul—evidently they were out of their -sphere; but went round and round, looked at by every body with something -between a stare and a sneer, until they drove off again. The last time -we saw them, they were shaking hands with a fighting man at the door of -a gin-shop. - - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAPTER VII. - - OF THE GENT WHO GOES TO THE RACES. - - -THE Gent who goes to the races must not be confounded with the Sporting -Gent, of whom we may speak by-and-by. He knows nothing in the world -about the running, nor indeed does he care much about it, beyond the -manner in which it may affect a chance he has in a “Derby Sweep.” But he -thinks the fact of being seen there gives him a position in society, and -he would not miss the races for any thing. - -As the Gent who goes to the races is closely allied to the Gent we saw -at the night taverns, we will describe him in the same fashion. - -He buyeth a “D’Orsay blouse,” which he believeth to have been made under -the Count’s own eye; a blue cravat, spotted with white wafers; a whip, -and a pair of short patent boots, to produce an effect; in which he -mounteth a “fast four-horse coach” from the “Garrick’s Head.” At the -“Elephant and Castle,” being called “my noble sportsman” by the vender -of the cards, he buyeth one, and conceiveth that he is taken for Lord -Chesterfield. He asketh the vender, with a severe look, “if it is -Dorling’s?” to show that he is “a downy cove,” and not to be done. He -also hath a glass of pale ale. On Clapham Common he seeth a ladies’ -school, and boweth to the tall pupil; whereupon the tall pupil receiveth -a chiding from the English teacher for unseemly levity, and the tall -pupil accuseth the half-boarder of being the true culprit. At Mitcham he -hath another pale ale, and delighteth in being recognised by a man on a -pony, whom he sayeth is “Bob Croft;” after which, he winketh or kisseth -his hand to all the housemaids, who, on the Derby Day, invariably take -two hours and a half to make the front-room bed; swinging his legs over -the side seat of the roof, that his boots may dazzle the rustics. At -Sutton he hath another pale ale. This fully openeth his heart, and he -carolleth lustily until he reacheth the Downs, when he hopeth to be -taken for one of the Guards. A gipsy woman telleth him that he hath a -wicked eye, and that his company is agreeable to various female -Christian names; whereon he giveth her a shilling and the tail of a -lobster, the large claw of which he putteth to his nose, and in his -imagination doeth the “fast thing.” - -[Illustration] - -After the race (than which he sayeth he never saw a better, albeit he -hath seen but few) he thinketh it “nobby” to throw at the sticks, and -insisteth that the merchant do set up a bell, a feathered cock, and a -pear that discourseth music most unhappily, by pulling out the stalk, -and blowing through it. He seeth Lord ——, whom he knoweth by sight, next -to him, laden with crockery, dogs, and Napoleons, pincushions, -money-boxes, and soldiers in remarkable uniforms, partaking of the -Grenadier’s, Highlander’s, and Turk’s; and he striveth to knock down -more things than the patrician. But in this he faileth, and intruding on -the other’s aim, is called a “snob,” which, in the kindness of his -heart, he resenteth not, but carrieth his winnings in his hat back to -the coach, after which he walketh about “to see the fine women.” Next he -hath more lunch, until his heart openeth wider than ever, and he -thinketh, “This is life rather; what a fast one I am, and can’t I do it -when I choose! Hurrah!” He then challengeth strange men on the roofs of -distant vehicles to take wine, because he knoweth “they are the right -sort,” and finisheth by trying a hornpipe on the roof of his own, in all -the enthusiasm of ale, sun, lobster salad, dust, champagne, and a -post-horn. - -Going home, his humour knoweth no bounds. He tieth his handkerchief to -his stick for a flag, until he loseth his hat, when he tieth his -handkerchief round his head. He sitteth on the post-horn, and causeth it -to resemble a ram’s. He pelteth old gentlemen driving four-wheeled -chaises with snuff-boxes, and distributeth pincushions to the domestics, -breaking windows withal. He liketh to know who any one is who upsetteth -him by offensive speech; and tumbleth to the ground at Sutton, where he -wisheth for several pale ales while the coach stoppeth to cool the -wheels, which follow the example of the passengers, and begin to smoke. -Here he danceth a lively measure in the road before a landau, and -smileth wickedly at the occupants. Getting troublesome, he is put in the -inside, with the helper, the hamper, and the dirty plates, where he -remaineth until he reacheth London, when he sayeth, “Let’s make a night -of it.” But the manufacturing process is scarcely worthy the reader’s -attention. The next day he sayeth, “I must dine at Berthollini’s for two -months to come, and give up suppers.” - -[Illustration] - - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAPTER VIII. - - OF CERTAIN GENTS IN SOCIETY. - - -ONCE, when like Mr. Tennyson we were “waiting for the train at -Coventry,” and thinking of Lady Godiva—the Gents would like to have -peeped at Godiva—we saw a penny show on the ground floor of an empty -house in a principal street of that good city. It consisted of “A Happy -Family”—a collection of various animals, of different natures, in one -cage—like the travelling menagerie opposite the National Gallery, but on -a much larger scale. The members of the “family” were quietly enjoying -the pleasure of each other’s society, with the exception of two monkeys, -one of whom sat sullenly scowling at some mice, as he hugged himself up -into a ball in every body’s way; and the other created much discomfort, -from time to time, by rushing about in a frantic manner, running over -his neighbours, performing totally useless feats of agility, and -deporting himself generally in an absurd and unseemly fashion. - -Now, taking monkeys to be the Gents of the animal kingdom, we were -pleased to see how closely they resemble their human brethren:—for the -Gents you encounter in society are of two kinds. Taking an assembly as -the place where you would be most likely to come upon them, you will -find them either endeavouring to “do the grand,” by not joining in the -current amusements of the evening; or overstepping all bounds of -ordinary behaviour—“going it,” to use their own words—and committing -every kind of preposterous and silly offence against the received rules -of society. - -If you talk to the first of these, whom we may call the dreary Gent, you -will always find that he has been “dining with some fellows he knows;” -or “having a weed with a man;” and you will be reminded of cigars. He -affects a drawling indifferent tone of voice, which he considers cool -and fashionable; and he prefers keeping outside the drawing-room door, -upon the landing, because “he don’t want to be bored to dance.” He wears -broad tails to his coat, and most probably the buttonholes are brought -together over his chest by a small snaffle; whilst, hanging by a bit of -chain from his waistcoat pocket, is a little broquet key, made like a -dog’s head, the nose of which winds up his watch. His stock is of -figured satin, very gay, and very narrow, and with long twisted ends, in -which is stuck a large pin—usually a claw holding a stone, as big and as -white as a pea of Wenham ice from a sherry cobbler. He will ask you, “if -you were up at Putney on Tuesday;” and if you were not, and do not even -know what great event took place on that day, be sure that he regards -you with great contempt. Like all Gents, he has a great notion of -champagne, which at supper he drinks by himself from a tumbler as he -would drink it at a night tavern, as aforesaid, from a tankard. - -Very opposite to him is the joyous Gent, whom we may term the Perrot of -private life. He always gives us the notion of a ballet-dancer spoiled, -especially in Pastorale or the Polka; in which latter dance, if he does -not happen to have for his partner a young lady of determined spirit, -and a keen discrimination of right and wrong, he will launch off into -all sorts of toe-and-heel tomfooleries, such as simple people used to -perpetrate when the Polka first broke out—such as you may still see, -after supper, at Jullien’s and Vauxhall, or at the “Gothics,” and other -ten-and-sixpenny demi-public hops, of the same genus, even at the -Hanover Square Rooms. The joyous Gent is very great indeed in cheap -dancing-academy figures. He knows the “Caledonians” and the “Lancers;” -he loves the “Spanish dance,” and patronises the gloomy, and almost -extinct “Cellarius.” And we will make any reasonable wager, that before -the quadrille begins, he will bow to his partner, and then to the corner -lady, or the one on his left. - -The social acquirements of the joyous Gent are many, and he delights in -every opportunity of exhibiting them. His strongest points are his -imitations of popular performers, especially Buckstone, in whose manner -he says, “well I never!—did you ever!—oh never!—oh wlaw!” in a manner -that elicits the loudest applause. Next he attempts Macready, as -follows:— - - “Nay—dearest—nay—if thou—wouldst have—me paint - The home—to which—could love—fulfil—its prayers,— - This hand—would lead—thee—listen.” - -Then Mr. T. P. Cooke, when he pitches his voice in a low falsetto, -hitches his trowsers, says, “My dear eyes! what! Sewsan!” and affirms -that “no true heart is altered by the gilt swabs on the shoulders, but -is ever open to the cry of a female in distress.” - -Possibly the next will be Mr. Paul Bedford, when he rolls his _r_ -and says, “Come along, my r-r-r-r-rummy cove; come along -comealong-comealong! how are you? how d’ye do? here we are! I’m a -looking at you like bricksywicksywicksies—I believe you my -boy-y-y-y-y!” - -And directly afterwards he turns up his nose with his forefinger, and -looks like Mr. Wright, as he exclaims, “Come, I say you know, guv’nor, -none o’ them larks eh! you didn’t ought to was.” - -All these are sure to be received with the greatest enthusiasm: and as -he usually gives the name of the actor he is about to imitate, before he -commences, he is spared the unpleasantry attendant upon the remark of -some guest, who says “Capital! famous! it’s Keeley himself,” when the -ingenious Gent is attempting an impersonation of Farren. - -But after all his surest card is Buckstone. - -[Illustration] - - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAPTER IX. - - OF GENTS ON THE RIVER - - -THE grand gathering of Gents is only to be met with as one universal -réunion of all their varieties, on board the Sunday steamboats. No city -in the world produces so many holiday specimens of tawdry vulgarity as -London: and the river appears to be the point towards which all the -countless myriads converge. Their strenuous attempts to ape gentility—a -bad style of word, we admit, but one peculiarly adapted to our -purpose—are to us more painful than ludicrous: and the labouring man, -dressed in the usual costume of his class is, in our eyes, far more -respectable than the Gent, in his dreary efforts to assume a style and -tournure which he is so utterly incapable of carrying out. - -[Illustration] - -When joining a steamboat excursion the Gent never sits on the regular -benches placed for that purpose. He prefers the top of the -cabin-door—the steps of the paddle-boxes—the platform on which the -steersman is elevated, and the like situations. Here you may always see -him with a newspaper and a bottle of stout, a light blue stock, and, -being Sunday, a very new hat, and a pair of white trowsers: with Berlin -gloves, which he carries in his hand. For, indeed, not being used to -them, nothing presents so perfect an idea of tolerated discomfort as a -Sunday Gent in a pair of gloves. We can only compare the appearance of -his hands, when suffering under the infliction, to those of a Guy -Fawkes, or the tailors’ dressed-up dummies before alluded to. - -[Illustration] - -But there are also aquatic Gents, who row in boats on regatta -afternoons, and hope to be mistaken for “Leanders.” Their principal -characteristics when on the river, in this phase, are propensities to -wear pink silk jerseys, and silk caps. Now and then they have been known -to row in white kid gloves. But they may soon be detected; and are -especially found out by a race of amphibious aborigines who affect the -river and its banks, known to the natives as “Coalies” and “Bargees;” -and who call them _tailors_, and make unpleasant allusion to goose and -board, whereupon the anger of the Gents being called forth, they retort, -asking of the latter _amphibia_ above alluded to, “who eat the puppy pie -under Marlow bridge?” In which query, it is presumed, lies a hidden -taunt of rankling venom; for the “Bargees” immediately indulge in -language which would shock any one of a properly constituted mind, very -dreadfully—and call the Gents _sweeps_, not always without some -adjective prefixed, more powerful than polite. - -River Gents are very fond of talking of their “rooms;” which means the -rooms rented by Oxford and Cambridge rowing men, for their meetings -previous to matches, starting, &c. With these, and the members of them, -the Gent professes to have an intimate acquaintance, albeit most likely -he never entered them, and would in all probability be snubbed out, or -possibly kicked, if he made the attempt. - -Another great feature in the natures of the river Gents, is that of -belonging to four-oared cutter-clubs, with startling names; such as, the -Argonauts, the Corsairs, &c. They have their boats very elaborately -adorned—red and blue; and lots of gilding being considered the thing; -with the arms of the club—the only ones with which they have, in any -way, any thing to do—being emblazoned everywhere. In such clubs the -members row up to Putney, dine, get drunk, sing out of window, and come -back in an omnibus, leaving their waterman to bring the boat home the -next day. - -The river Gent always knows a man with a yacht, with whom he has once -been as far as Gravesend. This enables him to talk about the “Bargee;” -and even when he thinks he is entirely amongst the unsophisticated, to -launch into hazardous remarks about a “flying-jib,” and the build of the -_Prima Donna_. And if he in any way intends to make a great effect, he -has been frequently known to take the name of Lord Alfred Paget in vain; -which is a great thing, not only with river Gents, but all sorts of city -yacht men generally. - -[Illustration] - - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAPTER X. - - OF THE GENT AT THE CASINOS. - - -IT is probable that, at some time or the other, you have been at a fête -in Paris. - -Because if you have, you will recollect the gay “Bal de Paris” that was -lighted up so tastefully when it became dark. You will recall the order -that reigned there, so different to the vulgar jostling and dreary riot -of the “Crown and Anchor” at Greenwich Fair. If you have not been there, -figure to yourself an enormous tent, say one hundred feet long, -supported by gilt pillars, with pretty festoons, and surrounded by -trophies and tricoloured flags, of red, blue, and white calico all -round. The floor is neatly boarded; and in the centre, an excellent -orchestra, of a dozen musicians, performing all the most popular -quadrilles, waltzes, and polkas of Paris. Five sous is charged for -entrance, and an extra demand of five sous is made each time you dance; -when you are not considered as transgressing etiquette in asking any -fair one that your choice may fall upon. The utmost order prevails. -Indeed, the municipal guards in attendance with their fierce mustaches -and tiger-skin helmets, will soon march you off between them if you -overstep decorum. - -With respect to the refreshments, there is not the immense bar which we -see at the Greenwich Fair and Moulsey Race-course dancing assemblies, -covered with cold boiled-beef, ham, fowls, bottled-porter, pipes, and -crockery; but then there is a small tent aside from the grand one, for -lemonade, _sirop de groseilles_, wine, coffee, and Rheims biscuits, -which has an air of refinement never met with in England at meetings of -this kind. Dancing is the sole object of the company; and dance they do; -and so did we, too, once upon a time (as soon as we got over our -thorough English idea that every body was looking at us), and we can -safely say we enjoyed ourselves much more there than we had done at any -dashing evening parties in London. And then the practice in French -conversation which it affords! You can speak so easily, so fluently, to -a pretty grisette in the middle of a dance, and under the influence of a -bottle of _vin ordinaire_, at twelve sous; it beats all the masters, -believe us; and we speak from experience. But all this by the way. All -have their hobbies, and pretty grisettes are ours. - -Few have watched these agreeable dances without lamenting the absence of -such things from our English festivals: we believe it is the Gents alone -who have proved the obstacles to their proper introduction. For they -would never keep quiet, and simply enjoy themselves. They would think it -necessary to “have a spree;” and could not exist ten minutes without -surreptitiously lighting a cigar, for any consideration. He would think -that he was not “nobby” if he did not have some wretched champagne: and -this miserable mess, getting into his head, would lead him into all -manner of offensive behaviour. For no Gent can stand much wine, at any -time; and Gent’s wine in particular, such as Casino champagne, fearfully -upsets them. - -When we first heard that M. Laurent was going to start a shilling -concert and dance we were much disquieted; for we knew at what a rampant -pitch Gentism would arrive there. But it was somewhat gratifying to see -that the sensible behaviour of a few strong-minded visitors somewhat -awed them into propriety. Still there are many who still assemble; and -the use of this chapter is, that you may be shown how to know and avoid -them. - -The Casino Gent especially likes a white over-coat, short, with large -buttons; and under this he disposes a gay shawl, so as to look like the -collar of a waistcoat. He carries a short stick, and this he never parts -with under any pretence; but in a polka you will see it high in air -above the whirling confusion of dances, and by this signal may trace his -progress about the room. - -[Illustration] - -His polka is not of the first order; it savours more of the dancing -academy than the drawing-room; and he has scarcely yet given up the -fandango atrocities before alluded to, that disgraced the polka on its -first introduction into England. Hence you will at times still see him -“kicking up behind and before” in an absurd manner, that “Old Joe,” of -Ethiopian celebrity, could scarcely have outdone. - -[Illustration] - -This Gent is not very clever at the _deux temps_. Before he knew what it -was, he used to imagine that certain fools were dancing the polka to a -waltz time; but now he has found out his error, albeit he still looks -upon it with a sort of contemptuous expression, such as unpleasant -people in general adopt when they are called upon to admire something -popular that they cannot do themselves. In the intervals of the dances -he promenades the room, laughing loudly about nothing particular, and -hitting his friends on the back with his stick, to attract their -attention. And no true Gent, got up as we have described, ever entered -the Casino but he did not firmly believe that he was _the_ man of the -assembly. Hence two Gents will always look savage at one another when -they meet. - -_Au reste_, the Gent is soon subdued, when too lively, by the proper -authorities: and he has great belief in the power of an acquaintance -with Mr. Henry Mott, who delights in elegant white cravats, and is the -head master of the ceremonies, nearest the band and the sherry-cobblers. - -With respect to other public balls, you will not meet many Gents at -Weippert’s, or the St. James’s. The men there are too strong for them; -not physically, but in social position; and the _lorettes_ of these -assemblies have quick eyes at detecting snobbishness of any kind. We -have seen one or two Gents at either place; but they always looked -especially wretched—as much out of their place as a toadstool in a -conservatory. The gentlemen did not insult them; they only tacitly -objected to be vis-à-vis to them, and quietly withdrew their partners -from the set, until the Gents stood alone. - -They are in greater force at _bals masqués_, in and out of costume. Many -Gents conceive that going in a scarlet coat and top-boots, and now and -then shouting “Yoicks!” constitutes the fast thing: hence there is -always one of this kind. Others adopt large noses, and false mustaches, -which they think is “doing it—rather!” But you never see them in -characteristic or original costumes; nor, lacking them, do they even -adhere to a recognised evening toilet. They prefer their beloved railway -trowsers, and flaring stocks and shawls, and centre all their notions of -full-dress in a paletot. M. Jullien is gradually changing all this: we -trust he will not stop until he places the masked ball—“bal marsk” the -Gent calls it—on a level with those of Paris. But then the complimentary -admissions must be weeded; and the authorities must learn that it is not -at all necessary to engage a few wretched supernumeraries from the -theatres, in dingy wardrobe costumes, to support the festivity of the -evening. All low people, including Gents, get drunk; and all drunken -people are miserable nuisances. - -_Note._—If ever you see two Gents dancing together at a _bal masqué_, -you are at liberty to kick and insult them, with every opprobrious -epithet. - - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAPTER XI. - - OF THE GENT AT THE SEA-SIDE. - - -THERE is a period in the year of London existence, when that portion of -it termed the Season, _par excellence_, comes to an end with every body, -whatever their station; for very few there are who do not, somehow or -other, contrive to get out of town, when the great rush from home—that -flight of the soul of the departed Season—is at its height. Every body -who has not already gone, is going; nobody will own to staying in town, -even if compelled to do so. Houses are shut up, blinds newspapered, and -furniture tied up in bags: in fact, to make a wretched joke, whilst the -family is on the Rhine, its lamps and ottomans are all in Holland. There -are no more carriages whirling about the west-end streets: no more -thundering knocks echoing all day, and night, too, for the matter of -that, in the squares. You write letters, and get no answers: you make -calls, and find nobody at home, but a servant on board wages, who runs -out into the area to look at you before she answers the door, in great -astonishment. You think it almost disreputable to be seen about, so you -follow the rest, and go away. - -This feeling extends throughout all classes of society: and going down -lower and lower, at last reaches the Gent, who copies the gentleman, but -sees, as usual, every thing through a wrong medium. In fact, his -reflection is that of a spoon, in more senses than one: making the most -outrageous images of the original, distorting all the features, but -still preserving a strange sort of identity. - -The Gent has two favourite places of sea-side resort, according to his -idiosyncrasies: if joyous, he goes to Gravesend; if dreary, to Ramsgate. -Margate is neither one thing nor the other, and Brighton is really too -respectable. He cannot there show off: and to show off is the battle of -the Gent’s life. But Gravesend is delicious. The transit is cheap and -rapid; the lodgings are moderate; an effect in dress can be made at an -easy rate; and, above all, there is that largest ornamental chalk-pit in -the world, Rosherville. - -We are, perhaps, wrong in putting Gravesend under the head of sea-side -resorts: but the Gent considers it to be so. And, indeed, the baths -there offer peculiar advantages, combining the properties of both fresh -and salt water, with the impurities of both, and the attributes of -neither. Yellow slippers may also be purchased in the town; and this -circumstance induces the belief, that the neighbouring water is the sea; -a delusion which appears common not only amongst the Gents, but most of -the settlers. This, however, by the way: we were speaking of -Rosherville, the paradise which mainly draws the Gents from town. - -The costume of the Gent at Rosherville is analogous to the one he wears -at the promenade concerts, with the exception, that he has a more airy -cravat, of brighter hue, and smokes perpetually, except in the -ball-room; and he would do that, thinking it was “the thing,” if a board -did not warn him: showing that such warning was found absolutely -necessary. And here, whilst listening to the “military band” of the -first detachment of the Light Coldstream Indefatigables, he puts his hat -on one side, sits on a table, and tapping his short boot, which -discovers its form through his trowsers, with his equally curtailed -cane, believes, as usual, that he is _the_ man of the assembly. - -The Gent has several fashions in the dancing at Rosherville, different -from those of the Casino. In the first place, he takes off his hat, and -hangs it on a peg, if there is one vacant; if not, he leaves it at the -bar. Then he bows to his partner, and, if he knows her very well, courts -at the same time: and, subsequently, he salutes the corners with great -politeness, previous to commencing the first set. But this particular -set does not stand very high in estimation. In common with other balls -for the _basse classe_, its component Gents prefer dances of intricate -and abnormal fashion: and so it is here also considered _ton_ to perform -the _Caledonians_ (which nobody ever knows all through, except the -master of the ceremonies), the _Lancers_, _Spanish Dances_, the -_Cellarius_, even the _Gavotte_, and other frantic arrangements of -gasping professors, including, of course, “_La Polka_” as it is always -termed, in their parlance. And on “Gala Nights,” still more wonderful -evolutions are gone through, all of which are due to the inventive -genius of the aforesaid inimitable M.C., whose friendship the Gent -especially prizes. For at Rosherville that great man is to be -seen—actually, really to be seen—walking like an ordinary person, -amongst ordinary fellow creatures. He is no longer a phantasy of mental -conception—not that zephyr in pumps bounding amidst new-laid eggs and -tea-things, or matchlessly performing his Marine Hornpipe in top-boots, -or Chinese Fandango in handcuffs, or Milanese Fling in the double -jack-chains; but a substantial reality,—the glass of fashion, the mould -of form, whom we can never fancy putting off the pumps of ceremony for -the high-lows of necessity—in a word, THE BARON NATHAN. - -The Gent at Ramsgate would be the last to persuade that it is really a -dull place. He is one of the most strenuous upholders of that greatest -of all popular delusions suffered to go unchallenged, that English -sea-side watering-places generally are pleasant spots to emigrate to, -and Ramsgate in particular. We know, as far as we are concerned, that we -once underwent transportation for seven days to that penal settlement; -and that we never before suffered (we expect in common with every body -else) from such a ghastly gasping after the belief that we were “doing a -holiday,” as the Gent would say, as during that time. - -How the Gent makes up his mind to go to Ramsgate at all we cannot make -out; but there he always is: and he divides the measure of his revelry -thereat into four goes of excitement: Going on the sands; Going out -sailing; Going on the pier; and Going to Sachett’s. - -_Going on the sands_ is the weakest of the Gent’s pastimes: but he says, -with a loud laugh, that it is to see the ladies bathe. Elsewhere it -would be confined to watching children bury one another in the sand, -with small wooden spades—a performance which, like a pantomime, however -interesting on first representation, somewhat flags in interest upon -repetition. The Gent usually takes two chairs to rest upon, and stares -hard at every body else, especially the females, the while he sketches -feeble designs with his short stick, which he never by any means parts -with, on the sand. - -[Illustration] - -_Going out sailing_ is also a slow business—slower than a few friends -after a dinner-party for a carpet polka; or a standard five-act-play; or -a wedding breakfast; or the outside half of yesterday’s _Times_; or a -book written with a “high moral purpose;” or a Charing-Cross-to-the-Bank -omnibus—and that is saying a good deal: the Gent, however, likes it: for -then he puts on a shirt ruled with blue ink, the collar of which he -turns down: and talks of “jibs,” and “tacks,” and “sheets,” and also -alludes to the man he knows who keeps a yacht. And he takes his -cigar—his loved cigar—as soon as he leaves the harbour. And as he leaves -the harbour he stands in an attitude, and believes that the young ladies -who show their ankles on the pier imagine him to be a Red Rover. - -Perhaps _Going on the pier_ is the Ramsgate Gent’s greatest treat: -because then he can put on his gay clothes, and once more think that he -is rather the thing. But in this the Gent makes a great mistake. He -dresses but once in the day, and then puts on a frock-coat, which he -wears to dinner, and all the evening; not exactly understanding, we -expect, what is the real difference between morning and evening toilets. -For as Gentlemen usually dress after a walk, so do Gents dress before -one: and if they do not appear in their “best” to walk up and down the -pier—which at Ramsgate is the chief straw that the sinking _ennuyés_ -clutch at—and stare superciliously at all whom they do not know, they -think they are snobs—the snob being to the Gent what the Gent is to the -Gentleman. - -The prevalence of Gents at Ramsgate, in such numbers that the fine -weather brings them out like bluebottles, is easily accounted for. -There is a certain class of families who go to Ramsgate every year, -because they were there the last. They come either from the -Pancras-cum-Bloomsbury district of London, or having shops, or -ware-rooms, or counting-houses in the City, live in suburban villas -comfortably off, and believing greatly in all conventional rules of -society, getting perhaps once a year to the Opera, thinking a great -deal of Mansion-house balls, and believing to a great degree in -fashion-books. Well, these good folks affect Ramsgate greatly, and so -take their families with them. The girls of this class pass muster -pretty well; Clapham or Chiswick academies teaching them certain -school accomplishments, which pass current for a decent education -amongst their equals—but the boys are always Gents. The same feeling -which induces their parents to believe that the more showily they can -set out their dinner-table the higher they rise in social life, makes -these sons imagine that two or three dear and flashy articles of dress -place them on a level with the well-born and well-bred Gentleman. -Accustomed in their own spheres to take the lead, they will not go -where they meet men who attain very good stations in society without -large studs or noisy-patterned cravats; and constantly associating, -one with the other, they get lost beyond all redemption. And of these -is the migratory young-man society of Ramsgate chiefly composed. - -Of the same class is the Gent at Boulogne. He is at first a long time -being persuaded to go there; because he knows that his ignorance of the -language will be an awful drop to his consequence, and bring him down at -once to his elements in a very humiliating manner. But after a while, -finding that every body else knows something about it but himself, he -determines to go. And in this wise doth he deport himself. - -_Imprimis_ he alloweth his mustaches to grow, which giveth him the look -of an officer-lover in a farce at the Eagle, but assimilateth to the -foreigner in nothing. He delighteth in brutal conduct to the native -functionaries, which he taketh to be a fine display of national spirit, -and thinketh that they are impressed with respect for him thereby. He -calleth the _vin ordinaire_ “rot,” but drinketh brandy to intoxication. -He shouteth with hoarse joyless laughter at French peculiarities, and -thinketh that, by so doing, he displayeth a fine-natured _naïveté_. He -deemeth the greatest discovery ever made to be that of a tavern whereat -British stout is retailed; and thinketh that he maketh a joke of -excellent pungency when he saith “Waterloo,” to a French soldier. He -careth not for the indigenous hotels, but loveth better the English -boarding-house, where he can have “a good John Bull joint, and no French -kickshaws:” John Bull being represented generally as a vulgar top-booted -man verging on apoplexy, with, evidently, few ideas of refinement, -obstinate and hard-natured; but the Gent conceiveth that upon occasions -it is ennobling to profess attachment to him. - -[Illustration] - - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAPTER XII. - - NOTES OF CERTAIN OTHER GENTS. - - -THERE is a species of Gent who, moving only in a third or fourth rate -sphere, goes to a party in a white cravat and turned up wristbands, and -carries his hat into the room because he had heard that Gentlemen do so. -He is generally an immense card. We chanced to stand next to a specimen -of this kind, one evening, in a quadrille, and the only remark we heard -him make was inquiring of his partner, after two or three false starts, -whether she preferred dancing on a carpet or the bare boards: to which -the young lady replied, having looked down to see what the floor was -(that she might not “put her foot in it,” figuratively speaking), that -she preferred a carpet, she thought: and this was the beginning and end -of the conversation. - -[Illustration] - -A sample of this variety fixed himself upon us once, as we were taking a -stroll, merely upon the intimacy of a casual party introduction two or -three weeks before, where we had procured him some trifle at supper, -solely because we did not choose to run the chance of allowing him to -approach the table and stand near the pretty girl over whose white -shoulder we stretched our arm to help him. We found out that he was -minutely particular about his deportment in the street, and a pretty -treat we gave him. First of all we rattled our stick against the area -railings of the houses: then we bought penny bunches of cherries at the -stalls, and munched them as we went along, continually pressing him to -take some, or propelling the stones, six at a time, along the pavement -in front of us. We cut off the angles of all the squares, and ran very -fast across all the crossings; and then took off a little boy’s cap, and -carried it a short way with us, to provoke a few salutations in our -wake, of that pleasing and forcible kind which only little boys in the -streets can give with such piquancy of expression. We finally got rid of -him by insisting upon stopping at the corner of Berners Street to see -_Punch_—an exhibition we never, by any means, omit playing audience to: -although we know many Gents who think their station in society would be -lost for ever, were they once observed taking an interest in any thing -half so common. - -There is a peculiar race of Gents to be seen, through the windows, -lounging in tobacco-shops; some leaning against the counter, others -seated on tubs, or occupying the like positions. This employment is -another variety of what Gents think “fast.” - -[Illustration] - -The presiding goddess of this temple of smoke is a scantily educated -woman, who has been more or less pretty at some time or another; but -still retains, it would seem, sufficient attraction to draw the Gents -about her. Here they will pass hours, finding intense pleasure in her -commonplace uninteresting conversation—retailing dull jokes, worn-out -anecdotes, or vapid inevitable puns to each other; and staring at any -casual purchaser who may enter the shop, as if he were an intruder on -their domain. - -There are the Gents, also, who are afterwards seen in the theatres at -half-price: in the slips during the performances, and in the saloon -during the _entr’acte_—the class who, whilst they carry on brisk -conversation and smart repartees (of a sort) with the least reputable in -public life, form the vapid nonentities of private society when females -are present. They are men, to use a phrase more expressive than elegant, -strongly addicted to _bear parties_—who think “a glass of grog and a -weed” the acme of social enjoyment, and who look upon all entertainments -that throw them into the society of ladies, or, indeed, any one of -intellect and refinement, as bores. They are the great men at the night -taverns, before alluded to. All that is, however, harmless in its way; -for the majority of those houses are exceedingly well conducted: and, -indeed, it is only the Gents of the lowest sphere who deem it spirited -to mix themselves up, in other resorts, with the ruffians of the ring -and the most degraded of either sex, in an atmosphere of oaths and -odours, where indecency is mistaken for broad humour and dull slang for -first-rate wit. - -It is the cheap tailor who advertises, to whom this style of Gent goes -for his clothes. He is caught by the poetry and the names of the -articles related; as well as of the establishment, whether it be -“Paletot Palace,” “the Kingdom of Kerseymere,” or “the Walhalla of -waistcoats,” as it is termed in those small but lively works of fiction -thrown with such unsparing liberality through the windows of railway -omnibuses. The following is an announcement peculiar to the -Frankensteins of these strange creations. We have written it, and -present the copy-right to any of them that may choose to adopt it. - - - TRIUMPHS OF BRITISH VALOUR. - - Fame’s trumpet says we’ve had victories enough, - And our great soldiers leave their arms to follow the plough: - But first to London they came with their retinues complete; - Everybody makes a holiday to join in the fête. - Gents’ clothes now are cheap; buy, if you have not, - And go to Sholomansh’s celebrated depot. - Mark their drab Chesterfield of the first water, - With the first rain ’twill shrink three inches shorter. - Twelve shillings new—it surely can’t be dear, - And warranted to wear for half the year. - The celebrated window-cleaning blouse, - To buy at six-and-six you can’t refuse. - The pound dress-coat is worthy of all praise, - And fashionably made of fine black baize. - With contract suits they build for eager nobs, - In the most dashing style of Sunday snobs. - Coarse cloth, rude work, bad cutting, and quick wear, - With Sholomansh what other can compare? - And recollect—old suits to be return’d - If when worn out they’re not worth being burned. - To suit all climes, Iceland and Ararat, - For cash he’ll dress you out, and with eclat. - - - LIST OF PRICES. - - £ s. d. - - Dress coats, warranted to wear three 1 10 0 - weeks - - Ditto trowsers, fashionable plaid or 0 9 6 - railroad - - Splendid vests, of the revolving 0 5 6 - bottle-jack style - - Pasha and Taglioni wrappers, of the last 0 16 0 - horse-cloth out-for-the-day - half-price-to-the-play pattern - - Young Gent’s Rob Roy, and Glenalvon 0 15 0 - dresses - - Montemolin cloak, 9 yards round, 1 10 0 - warranted to hide the seediest clothes - - Metropolitan shooting costume, for the 2 15 0 - fields in the vicinity of London - (complete) - - Fashionable Epping hunting-coat 1 10 0 - - Racket blouses and morning tenderdens, 0 3 6 - adapted to Gents in the Queen’s Bench, - from - - - A large assortment. Terms cash. - - _Vivat Regina._ No money returned. - - - N.B.—Observe the Address: SHOLOMANSH, - CHEAP TAILOR and GENT-FITTER, CITY. - - -[Illustration] - - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAPTER XIII. - - THE GENTS VIEWED WITH RESPECT TO THEIR EXTINCTION. - - -IF ANY influential member, bent upon being of service to his country, -would bring in a bill for the “Total Repeal of the Gents,” he would -confer the greatest benefit on society; for until they are entirely -knocked on the head, our public amusements can never be conducted with -the propriety which distinguishes those of Paris. - -We believe, with sorrow, that this offensive race of individuals is -peculiar to our own country: we know of no foreign type answering to -them. If persons establishing resorts where they mostly congregate, -could take out an assurance against Gents, as they do against fire, what -a blessing it would be! - -We think it would be an excellent plan for respectable electors to make -members pledge themselves to vote for the heavy taxation of various -articles in which Gents chiefly delight. In this tariff we would have -blue stocks; large breast-pins; snaffle coat-studs; curled hair; -collar-galled hacks; Spanish dances; Cellarius waltzes; Caledonian -quadrilles; lithographed beauties, plain and coloured; cheap cigars; -large pattern trowsers; gay under-waistcoats or “vests;” thick sticks; -short canes; walking-whips; and boxes of omnibuses, as distinguished -from omnibus boxes. If the Gents could not enjoy these things without -paying heavy prices for them they would go without; for a great effect -at a small outlay is the main intention of all their follies. - -And we also think it might be serviceable towards the great end of -putting Gents out altogether, when any one chances to say, “I know a -Gent,” to exclaim immediately either “You know a _what_?” in accents of -horror, or “You look as if you did!” in a tone of contempt, to bring him -to a sense of his miserable position—in whichever way you think will -best work upon his feelings. - -Doudney, Moses, Prew, and Hyams! patrons as ye are of literature -generally, and poets especially! by whose influence the taste of the -Gents is in some measure guided, help us to effect some little reform! -Do not, we beseech you, allow your emblazoned window-tickets to lead -this wretched race into such strange ideas respecting the “fashions” as -they are wont to indulge in. Abolish all those little pasteboard -scutcheons which point out your gaudy fabrics as “Novel,” “The Style,” -“Splendid,” “The Thing,” “Parisian,” and the like. Cut their waistcoats, -in charity, as if you intended them for gentlemen instead of Gents. -Reform your own bills, and appeal not to the sympathies with such wild -innovations: and persuade the literary Gent who writes those charming -little _brochures_ about your establishments—whispered to be the light -contributor to Blackwood’s Magazine—which are presented gratuitously -with the periodicals, to lead the minds of the Gents into another -channel. Let them no longer imagine that the usual method of dressing of -an acknowledged leader of fashion—the gentleman of the greatest taste in -England—is in a puckered six-and-threepenny blouse with braid round the -pockets (for such is the garment that bears his name), a rainbow-tinted -stock, drugget-pattern trowsers, and nine-and-sixpenny broad-brimmed -hats. Do this, and send all your present stock to America. - -Editors of Sporting Papers! you are renowned for obliging courtesy: -assist the good work with your able pens, by never allowing the term -“Sporting Gent” to appear in your columns, whether he undertakes to -drive a pony to death, match his dog to be torn to pieces last in a -struggle, or advance a pecuniary inducement for two savages to pummel -each other’s heads to jelly. Did you ever see a “Sporting Gent?” You -must have done so; and you have noted his coarse hands, his flattened -fingers, and dubby nails; his common green coat, his slang handkerchief, -and his low hat: his dreary conversation entirely confined to wiredrawn -accounts of wagers he has won, and matches he can make for any thing. -Never give him a chance of attaining publicity, and he will go out and -disappear altogether, leaving the coast clear for gentlemen. - -We are not altogether without a hope that, by strong and energetic -measures, the Gents may be put down—this would be a real “improved -condition of the people” much to be desired. A Court of Propriety might -be established at which Gents could be convicted of misdemeanors against -what is usually considered _comme-il-faut_. And punishments might be -awarded proportionate to the nature of the offence. For a heavy one a -Gent might be transported for fourteen days into good society, where he -would be especially wretched; for a light one he might enter into heavy -recognizances not to smoke cigars on omnibuses or steamers, not to wear -any thing but quiet colours, not to say he knew actresses, and not to -whistle when he entered a tavern, or, with his fellows, laugh loudly at -nothing, when ensconced in his box there, for any time not exceeding the -same period. A Court of Requests would be of no use; for it is of little -avail requesting the Gents to do any thing. Compulsion alone would -reform them. - -We trust the day will come—albeit we feel it will not be in our -time—when the Gent will be an extinct species; his “effigies,” as the -old illustrated books have it, being alone preserved in museums. And -then this treatise may be regarded as those zoological papers are now -which treat of the Dodo: and the hieroglyphics of coaches and horses, -pheasants, foxes’ heads, and sporting dogs found on the huge white -buttons of his wrapper, will be regarded with as much curiosity, and -possibly will give rise to as much discussion and investigation as the -ibises and scarabæi in the Egyptian Room of the British Museum. We hope -it may be so. - - - VIZETELLY BROTHERS AND CO. PRINTERS AND ENGRAVERS, FLEET STREET - - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - ● Transcriber’s Notes: - ○ Missing or obscured punctuation was silently corrected. - ○ Typographical errors were silently corrected. - ○ Inconsistent spelling and hyphenation were made consistent only - when a predominant form was found in this book. - ○ Text that: - was in italics is enclosed by underscores (_italics_). - - - -*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE NATURAL HISTORY OF THE GENT *** - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the -United States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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