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Etiquette for Little Folks, by Anonymous—A Project Gutenberg eBook
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<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 67553 ***</div>
<p class="center p0 p2"><span class="figcenter" id="img001">
<img src="images/001.jpg" class="w50" alt="Woman with two small children" />
</span></p>
<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
<div class="chapter">
<div class="bbox">
<h1>ETIQUETTE <br /><br /><span class="xsmall">FOR</span><br /><br /> <span class="big">LITTLE FOLKS</span>.</h1>
<hr class="r5" />
<p class="center p0"> SUSIE SUNBEAM’S SERIES.</p>
<p class="center p0 p2"><span class="big">BOSTON:</span><br />
G. W. COTTRELL, PUBLISHER.<br />
36 Cornhill.
</p>
</div>
</div>
<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
<div class="chapter">
<p class="center p0"><span class="small">Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1856,</span><br />
<span class="smcap">By</span> J. Q. PREBLE,<br />
<span class="small">In the Clerk’s Office of the District Court of the United States for the
Southern District of New-York.</span></p>
<hr class="r5 p2" />
<p class="center p0 small"><i>Stereotyped by</i><br />
NESMITH & TEALL, <br />
29 Beekman Street.
</p></div>
<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
<div class="chapter">
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</span></p>
<p class="center p0"><span class="xxbig">ETIQUETTE</span><br /><br />
<span class="xsmall">FOR</span><br /><br />
<span class="xxbig">LITTLE FOLKS.</span></p>
<hr class="r5" />
<h2>RULES FOR GOOD BEHAVIOR AT HOME.</h2>
</div>
<hr class="r5" />
<p>Never enter the house with your hat on, and always bow to any strangers
you may meet at home.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</span></p>
<p>If you pass by your parents at any place, where you see them, either by
themselves or with company, always bow to them.</p>
<p>If you wish to speak to your parents, and see them engaged in discourse
with company, draw back, and leave your business till afterwards; but
if it is really necessary to speak to them, be sure to whisper.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</span></p>
<p>Never speak to your parents without some title of respect, as Sir,
Madam, &c.</p>
<p>Dispute not, nor delay to obey your parents’ commands.</p>
<p>Go not out of doors without your parents’ leave, and be sure to return
by the limited time.</p>
<p>Never grumble, or show discontent at any thing your parents appoint,
speak or do.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</span></p>
<p>If any command or errand is given you to perform, do it with alacrity.</p>
<p>Bear with meekness and patience, and without murmuring or sullenness,
your parents’ reproofs or corrections, even if it should sometimes
happen that they are undeserved.</p>
<p>Never make faces or contortions, nor grimaces, while any one is giving
you commands.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</span></p>
<p>Never take another’s chair, if it be vacated for a short time; it is
impolite.</p>
<p>Never quarrel with your brothers and sisters, but live in peace and
amity.</p>
<p>Use respectful and courteous language towards all the domestics. Never
be domineering nor insulting, for it is the mark of an ignorant and
purse-proud child.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</span></p>
<h2 class="nobreak">AT TABLE.</h2>
<hr class="r5" />
<p>Come not to table without having your hands and face washed, and your
hair combed.</p>
<p>Sit not down until your elders are seated. It is unbecoming to take
your place first.</p>
<p>Offer not to carve for yourself, or to take anything, even though it be
something you much desire.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</span></p>
<p>Ask not for anything, but tarry till it be offered to you.</p>
<p>Find no fault with anything that is given you.</p>
<p>When you are helped, be not the first to eat.</p>
<p>Speak not at table. If others are discoursing, meddle not with the
matter; but be silent, except when spoken to.</p>
<p>If you wish anything from the servants, call them softly.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</span></p>
<p>Eat not too fast, nor with greedy behavior.</p>
<p>Eat not too much, but moderately.</p>
<p>Eat not so slowly as to make others wait for you.</p>
<p>Make not a noise with your tongue, mouth, lips, or breath, in eating or
drinking.</p>
<p>Be sure never to speak with food in your mouth.</p>
<p>Endeavor so to eat, that<span class="pagenum" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</span> none may see your food while chewing.</p>
<p>Stare not in the face of any one, especially your elders, at the table.</p>
<p>Lean not your elbow on the table, nor on the chair back.</p>
<p>Spit not, cough not, nor blow your nose at the table, if it can be
avoided; but if it be necessary, do it aside, and without noise.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</span></p>
<p>Stuff not your mouth so much as to fill your cheeks. Be content with
small mouthfuls.</p>
<p>Blow not your food when too hot, but wait with patience till it becomes
cool.</p>
<p>Smell not of your food; turn not the other side of it upward to view it
on your plate.</p>
<p>Spit not forth anything that is not convenient to be swallowed,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</span> such
as the stones of plums, cherries, or the like; but with your left hand,
neatly move them to the side of your plate.</p>
<p>Fix not your eye upon the plate of another, nor upon the food on the
table.</p>
<p>Lift not up your eyes, nor roll them about while you are drinking.</p>
<p>Bend your body a little<span class="pagenum" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</span> downward to your plate, when you move anything
that is carried to your mouth.</p>
<p>Look not earnestly on any one that is eating.</p>
<p>Gnaw not bones at the table, but clear them with your knife, (unless
very small) and hold them not with the whole hand, but with two fingers.</p>
<p>Drink not with anything in your mouth.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</span></p>
<p>Before and after you drink, wipe your mouth with your napkin.</p>
<p>Never pick your teeth at table.</p>
<p>Never drink till you have quite emptied your mouth, and do not drink
often.</p>
<p>Enter not in company without a bow.</p>
<p>Be careful not to turn your back to any, but place yourself<span class="pagenum" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</span> so that
none will be behind you.</p>
<p>Lean not on the chair of a superior, standing behind him.</p>
<p>Touch not, nor look upon the books or writing of another, unless the
owner invite or desire it.</p>
<p>Come not near when another reads a letter, or other paper.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</span></p>
<p>Let your countenance be moderately cheerful, neither laughing nor
frowning.</p>
<p>To look upon one in company, and immediately after whisper to another,
is unmannerly.</p>
<p>Whisper not in company. Be not froward and fretful among your equals,
but gentle and affable.</p>
<p>If you cannot avoid gaping,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</span> shut your mouth, with your hand or
handkerchief before it, turning the face aside.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</span></p>
<h2 class="nobreak">AMONG OTHER CHILDREN.</h2>
<hr class="r5" />
<p>As near as may be, converse not with any but those that are good,
sober, and virtuous: “Evil communications corrupt good manners.”</p>
<p>Reprove your companions as often as there shall be occasion, for wicked
actions or indecent expressions.</p>
<p>Be willing to take those<span class="pagenum" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</span> words or actions as jesting, which you have
reason to believe were designed as such.</p>
<p>If your companion be a little too sarcastic in speaking, strive not to
take notice of it, or be moved at all by it.</p>
<p>Abuse him not, either by word or deed.</p>
<p>Deal justly among those who are your equals, as solicitously as if you
were a man<span class="pagenum" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</span> with men, and about business of higher importance.</p>
<p>Be not selfish altogether, but kind, free, and generous to others.</p>
<p>Avoid sinful and unlawful recreations, and all such as prejudice the
welfare of body or mind.</p>
<p>Scorn not, nor laugh at any because of their infirmities; nor affix
to any one a vexing<span class="pagenum" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</span> title of contempt and reproach; but pity such as
are so visited, and be glad that you are otherwise distinguished and
favored.</p>
<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
<div class="chapter">
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</span></p>
<h2 class="nobreak" id="IN_SCHOOL">IN SCHOOL.</h2>
</div>
<hr class="r5" />
<p>Bow at entering, especially if the teacher be present.</p>
<p>Walk quietly to your own seat, and move not from one place to another
till school time be over.</p>
<p>If your teacher be conversing with a stranger, stare not at them, nor
listen to their talk.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</span></p>
<p>Interrupt not your teacher while a stranger or visitor is with him, but
defer any question or request till he be at leisure.</p>
<p>If your teacher speak to you, rise up and bow, making your answer
standing.</p>
<p>If a stranger speak to you in school, stand up and answer, with the
same respect and ceremony, both of word and<span class="pagenum" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</span> gesture, as if you were
speaking to your teacher.</p>
<p>Make not haste out of school, but soberly retire when your turn comes,
without hurry or noise.</p>
<p>Go not rudely home through the streets. Stand not talking with boys who
delay you; but go quietly home, and with all convenient speed.</p>
<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
<div class="chapter">
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</span></p>
<h2 class="nobreak" id="AT_CHURCH">AT CHURCH.</h2>
</div>
<hr class="r5" />
<p>Walk quietly and soberly to the pew; run not, nor go playing.</p>
<p>Sit where you are directed by your parents.</p>
<p>Change not seats, but continue in the place where you are desired.</p>
<p>Talk not in church. Fix your eye upon the minister;<span class="pagenum" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</span> let it not wildly
wander to gaze on any person or thing.</p>
<p>Attend diligently to the words of the minister. Pray with him when
he prays, at least in your heart; and while he is preaching, listen
attentively, that you may remember. Be not hasty to run out of the
church after the worship is ended, as if you were weary of being there.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</span></p>
<p>Walk decently and soberly home, without haste or playfulness, thinking
upon what you have been hearing.</p>
<p>Always remember to be punctual at church. Never, if it can possibly be
avoided, disturb the services by coming in after they have commenced.</p>
<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
<div class="chapter">
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</span></p>
<h2 class="nobreak" id="IN_THE_STREET">IN THE STREET.</h2>
</div>
<hr class="r5" />
<p>Walk quietly and unobtrusively in the street, neither singing,
whistling, or shouting.</p>
<p>Affront none, especially your elders, by word or deed.</p>
<p>Jeer not at any person, whatever.</p>
<p>Always give the right hand to your superiors, (by superiors, I do not
mean so much<span class="pagenum" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</span> in regard to birth, as age, merit, and the light in
which they are regarded by the world,) when you either meet or walk
with them; and mind also to give them the wall, in meeting or walking
with them; for that is the upper hand, though in walking your superior
should then be at your left hand.</p>
<p>But when three persons walk together, the middle place is<span class="pagenum" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</span> the most
honorable; and a son may walk at his father’s right hand, while his
younger brother walks at his left.</p>
<p>Give your superiors place to pass before you, in any narrow place where
two persons cannot pass at once.</p>
<p>If you go with your parents, teacher, or any superior, go not playfully
through the streets.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</span></p>
<p>Pay your respects to all you meet, of your acquaintance or friends.</p>
<p>It is impolite to stare at every unusual person or thing which you may
see in the street, or to use any improper postures, either of head,
hands, feet, or body.</p>
<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
<div class="chapter">
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</span></p>
<h2 class="nobreak" id="TO_YOUR_PARENTS">TO YOUR PARENTS.</h2>
</div>
<hr class="r5" />
<p>Children, these are the most essential of those rules of behavior,
the observance of which will deliver you from the disgraceful titles
of sordid and clownish, and entail upon you the honor of being called
well-bred children; for there is scarcely a sadder sight, than a
clownish and unmannerly<span class="pagenum" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</span> child. Avoid, therefore, with the greatest
diligence, so vile an ignominy.</p>
<p>Be humble, submissive, and obedient to those who have a just claim to
your subjection, by nature and providence: such are parents, masters,
or tutors, whose commands and laws have no other tendency than your
truest good. Be always obsequious and respectful,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</span> never bold, insolent,
or saucy, either in words or gestures.</p>
<p>Let your body be on every occasion, pliable, and ready to manifest,
in due and becoming ceremonies, the inward reverence you bear towards
those above you.</p>
<p>By these means, by timely and early accustoming yourselves to a sweet
and spontaneous obedience in your youthful<span class="pagenum" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</span> stations and relations,
your minds being habituated to that which is so indispensably your
duty, the task of obedience in farther relations will be performed with
greater ease and pleasure; and when you arrive at manhood, there will
remain in your well-managed minds no presumptuous folly, that may tempt
you to be other than faithful and good citizens.</p>
<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
<div class="chapter">
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</span></p>
<h2 class="nobreak" id="TO_SUPERIORS">TO SUPERIORS.</h2>
</div>
<hr class="r5" />
<p>Among superiors, speak not till you are spoken to, or are asked to
speak.</p>
<p>Hold not your hand, nor anything else before your mouth when you speak.
Come not very near the one you speak to.</p>
<p>If your superior speak to you while you sit, stand up before you give
an answer.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</span></p>
<p>Speak not very loud, nor too low. Answer not one who is speaking to
you, till he is done.</p>
<p>Strive not with your superiors, in argument or discourse; but easily
submit your opinion to their assertions.</p>
<p>If your superior speak anything wherein you know he is mistaken,
correct not, nor contradict him, nor laugh at the hearing of it; but
pass over<span class="pagenum" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</span> the error, without notice or interruption.</p>
<p>Speak not, without Sir, or some other title of respect, which is due to
him to whom you speak.</p>
<p>Mention not frivolous or little things among grave persons or superiors.</p>
<p>If your superior hesitate in his words, pretend not to help him out.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</span></p>
<p>Come not very near to two that are whispering, neither ask what they
converse upon.</p>
<p>When your parent or master speaks to any person, speak not, nor hearken
to them.</p>
<p>If immodest words be used in your hearing, smile not, but settle your
countenance, as if you did not hear it.</p>
<p>Boast not in discourse of your own wit or doings.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</span></p>
<p>If your superior be relating a story, say not, “I have heard it
before,” but attend to it as if it were altogether new to you. Seem not
to question the truth of it. If he tell it not right, suggest not, nor
endeavor to help him out, or add to his relation.</p>
<p>Beware how you utter anything hard to be believed.</p>
<p>Interrupt no one in speaking, though he be your intimate.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</span></p>
<p>Coming into company when any topic is being discussed, ask not what was
the preceding conversation, but listen to the remainder.</p>
<p>Laugh not in, or at, your own story, wit or jest.</p>
<p>Speaking of any distant person, it is rude and unmannerly to point at
him.</p>
<p>Be not over earnest in talking, to justify your own words.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</span></p>
<p>Let your words be modest, about those things which concern only
yourself.</p>
<p>Repeat not the words of a superior, who asks you a question, or talks
with you.</p>
<p class="center p0 p2"><span class="figcenter" id="img002">
<img src="images/002.jpg" class="w10" alt="Decorative line" />
</span></p>
<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
<div class="chapter">
<h2 class="nobreak" id="TO_EQUALS">TO EQUALS.</h2>
</div>
<hr class="r5" />
<p>Be kind, pleasant, and loving, not cross, nor churlish, to your equals;
and in thus behaving<span class="pagenum" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</span> yourselves, all persons will naturally desire
your familiar acquaintance; every one will be ready and willing, upon
opportunity, to assist you.</p>
<p>Your friends will be then all those who know you, and observe the
excellence and sweetness of your deportment. This practice, also, by
inducing a habit of obliging, will fit you for converse and society,
and facilitate<span class="pagenum" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</span> and assist your dealing with men in riper years.</p>
<p class="center p0 p2"><span class="figcenter" id="img002a">
<img src="images/002.jpg" class="w10" alt="Decorative line" />
</span></p>
<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
<div class="chapter">
<h2 class="nobreak" id="TO_INFERIORS">TO INFERIORS.</h2>
</div>
<hr class="r5" />
<p>Be meek, courteous, and affable to your inferiors; not proud nor
scornful. To be courteous, even to the lowest, is a true index of a
great and generous mind. But the insulting and scornful one, who<span class="pagenum" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</span>
has been himself originally low, ignoble, or beggarly, makes himself
ridiculous to his equals, and by his inferiors is repaid with scorn and
hatred.</p>
<p class="center p0 p2"><span class="figcenter" id="img002b">
<img src="images/002.jpg" class="w10" alt="Decorative line" />
</span></p>
<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
<div class="chapter">
<h2 class="nobreak" id="RECOGNITIONS">RECOGNITIONS.</h2>
</div>
<hr class="r5" />
<p>A gentleman, on meeting a lady of his acquaintance in the street,
or elsewhere, should not presume to bow to her, till she<span class="pagenum" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</span> has first
recognised him; or she may feel compelled to notice him, when she would
not choose to do so otherwise.</p>
<p>A gentleman should never recognise a lady, to whom he has never been
presented, at a ball or evening party, and should pass her as a
stranger, unless she chooses to recognise him, when he should, as in
all other cases, return the salute.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</span></p>
<p>A very young person should wait to be recognised by one more advanced
in age.</p>
<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
<div class="chapter">
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</span></p>
<h2 class="nobreak" id="INTRODUCTIONS">INTRODUCTIONS.</h2>
</div>
<hr class="r5" />
<p>On giving introductions, always present a gentleman to a lady, save
when a lady enters a room where several persons are assembled, when
the lady is presented. Very young persons should be presented to older
ones; and we should always present individuals to those persons to whom
we owe<span class="pagenum" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</span> particular respect, on account of age, station, &c.</p>
<p>It is in good taste to present both parties, merely inverting the order
of the names.</p>
<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
<div class="chapter">
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</span></p>
<h2 class="nobreak" id="COMPLIMENTARY_CARDS_AND_NOTES">COMPLIMENTARY CARDS AND NOTES.</h2>
</div>
<hr class="r5" />
<p>Miss Foster presents her compliments to Miss Edwards, and requests the
honor of her company at a Tea-party, on Wednesday afternoon.</p>
<p class="poetry p0">
16 Arch street.<br />
Tuesday noon.<br />
</p>
<hr class="tb" />
<p>Miss Edwards presents her respects to Miss Foster, and<span class="pagenum" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</span> accepts her
kind invitation with pleasure.</p>
<p class="poetry p0">
30 Chestnut street.<br />
Tuesday noon.<br />
</p>
<hr class="tb" />
<p>Miss E. presents her respects to Miss F., and regrets that a
pre-engagement prevents her acceptance of her polite invitation.</p>
<hr class="tb" />
<p>William Harris presents his<span class="pagenum" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</span> respectful compliments to Miss Brown, and
trusts she has experienced no ill consequences from her last evening’s
fatigue at the assembly.</p>
<hr class="tb" />
<p>Miss Brown finds herself greatly obliged by <abbr title="mister">Mr.</abbr> Harris’ kind inquiries,
and is happy to inform him she is perfectly well.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</span></p>
<hr class="tb" />
<p>Miss Brown is greatly obliged by <abbr title="mister">Mr.</abbr> Harris’ kind inquiry, and is sorry
to say that she suffers under a severe cold, in consequence of last
evening’s amusement.</p>
<hr class="tb" />
<p><abbr title="mister">Mr.</abbr> W. presents his compliments to <abbr title="mister">Mr.</abbr> S., and hopes, if <abbr title="mister">Mr.</abbr> S. is
disengaged, that he will dine with him on Monday next, at half-past
three o’clock.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</span></p>
<hr class="tb" />
<p><abbr title="mister">Mr.</abbr> S. presents his respects to <abbr title="mister">Mr.</abbr> W., and will avail himself of his
kind invitation with pleasure.</p>
<hr class="tb" />
<p><abbr title="mister">Mr.</abbr> S. regrets that indisposition will prevent him the honor of dining
with <abbr title="mister">Mr.</abbr> W. on Monday next.</p>
<hr class="tb" />
<p>Miss Dudley’s compliments to Mrs. Windsor, and will be<span class="pagenum" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</span> obliged by her
company to dinner on Thursday next, at three o’clock.</p>
<hr class="tb" />
<p>Mrs. Johnson returns her best respects to <abbr title="mister">Mr.</abbr> Wilson, and is greatly
indebted to him for his obliging present.</p>
<hr class="tb" />
<p><abbr title="mister">Mr.</abbr> and Mrs. Bristow present their compliments to Mrs. Truman, and hope
for the<span class="pagenum" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</span> pleasure of her company on Thursday evening next, to tea.</p>
<hr class="tb" />
<p><abbr title="mister">Mr.</abbr> and Mrs. Truman are greatly obliged by <abbr title="mister">Mr.</abbr> and Mrs. Bristow’s kind
invitation, and will do themselves the honor of waiting upon them.</p>
<hr class="tb" />
<p><abbr title="mister">Mr.</abbr> and Mrs. Truman are exceedingly sorry that a pre-engagement<span class="pagenum" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</span> will
prevent them from accepting <abbr title="mister">Mr.</abbr> and Mrs. Bristow’s kind invitation.</p>
<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
<div class="chapter">
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</span></p>
<h2 class="nobreak" id="DINNER_PARTIES">DINNER PARTIES.</h2>
</div>
<hr class="r5" />
<p>Whenever dinners are given to invited guests, civility requires that
an early answer should be returned; for the proper wording of such
answers, I refer you to the Notes of Invitation, where full directions
are given. An acceptance, in such a case, should be as binding as a
promissory<span class="pagenum" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</span> note; and no light cause should ever be allowed to prevent
your fulfilling your engagement. Want of punctuality at a dinner party,
is an affront to the whole company, as well as to the gentleman and
lady of the house.</p>
<p>A ceremonious dinner requires that the company be well and handsomely
dressed, though not in such gay attire<span class="pagenum" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</span> as is usually worn at a ball or
evening party.</p>
<p>Arrived at the place, and disrobed of your cloak, let your gloves be
on, and with erect form and firm step, enter the parlor. Look towards
the lady of the house, and walk up at once to her, not turning to the
right or the left, or noticing any one, until you have made your bow to
her, and to the<span class="pagenum" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</span> host. Then you may turn off towards the young people,
and take a seat among them, with that agreeable expression of sympathy
on your face, which encourages conversation.</p>
<p>On entering the dining-room, you must use your eyes to discover which
part of the table is considered the most honorable. Try to seat
yourself among the least important portion<span class="pagenum" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</span> of the company, unless
desired by the lady or gentleman of the house to take a particular seat.</p>
<p>When fairly seated in the right place, spread your napkin in your lap
to protect your dress from accident; take off your gloves, and put them
in your lap, under your napkin.</p>
<p>When you send your plate for anything, whether by the<span class="pagenum" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</span> hand of a
servant or friend, take off the knife and fork, and lay them down on
the cloth, supporting the ends on your bread, or hold them in your hand
in a horizontal position.</p>
<p>After dinner, you are expected to take leave more generally and
sociably, than after any other kind of party, except it be a small
supper party.</p>
<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
<div class="chapter">
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</span></p>
<h2 class="nobreak" id="GOING_INTO_COMPANY">GOING INTO COMPANY.</h2>
</div>
<hr class="r5" />
<p>A young person ought to be able to go into a room, and address the
company, without the least embarrassment.</p>
<p>Ignorance and vice are the only things of which we need be ashamed.
Avoid these, and you may go into what company you will.</p>
<p>A modest assurance in every<span class="pagenum" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</span> part of life, is the most advantageous
qualification we can possibly acquire.</p>
<p class="center p0 p2"><span class="figcenter" id="img002c">
<img src="images/002.jpg" class="w10" alt="Decorative line" />
</span></p>
<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
<div class="chapter">
<h2 class="nobreak" id="GOOD_BREEDING">GOOD BREEDING.</h2>
</div>
<hr class="r5" />
<p>To show the politeness of a true gentleman, you must be quick to
observe four things:<span class="pagenum" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</span></p>
<ol>
<li>What your place is.</li>
<li>What is due to every person.</li>
<li>How to do what is proper in an agreeable manner.</li>
<li>How to make yourself acceptable to others, in person, manners, and
conversation.</li>
</ol>
<p>You can be as polite to the boot-black as to the President. This is
done, not by an air of condescension, but by treating him as a man,
according to his place. Render him his<span class="pagenum" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</span> due, and he will be likely to
render you yours.</p>
<p>The same person who is overbearing to his inferiors, is likely to show
a cringing servility to his superiors. Both faults are marks of a mean
and groveling mind. Maintain your self-respect, if you would enjoy the
respect of others.</p>
<p>Cherish that delicacy of sentiment, that quick sympathy<span class="pagenum" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</span> with others,
that nice sense of justice which will make you as regardful of their
feelings as of their more substantial rights, and you will not fail to
be polite. Without the sentiments of a gentleman, you may know all the
rules of politeness, and be scrupulously observant of all the external
forms of good breeding, and yet never be a gentleman.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</span></p>
<p>In short, to be a true gentleman, you must be generous and noble,
as well as just and courteous. You must be scrupulously careful to
be—Pure in body, pure in manners, pure in morals, and pure in heart.</p>
<p>Follow fashion moderately, if you would follow it gracefully. Never
rely on dress to make you a gentleman. It is as flimsy a disguise as
the lion’s<span class="pagenum" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</span> skin was to the ass; his braying betraying him, and his
unsuitable attire only made him appear the more ridiculous.</p>
<p>A good enunciation is a distinctive mark of good breeding. Speak
your words plainly and distinctly, and in a moderate tone of voice.
Pronounce words in the manner that is used by the best bred persons,
but not affectedly, or<span class="pagenum" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</span> with a strained precision. Avoid all vulgar or
inaccurate vowel sounds, as keow, ile, soit, for cow, oil, sight. Do
not slip or smother your consonants, as gen’lm’n for gentleman, mornin’
for morning ,&c.</p>
<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
<div class="chapter">
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</span></p>
<h2 class="nobreak" id="CLEANLINESS">CLEANLINESS.</h2>
</div>
<hr class="r5" />
<p>No one can please in company, however graceful his air, unless he be
clean and neat in his person.</p>
<p>He who is not thoroughly clean in his person, will be offensive to all
with whom he converses. A particular regard to the cleanliness of your<span class="pagenum" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</span>
mouth, teeth, hands, and nails, is but common decency.</p>
<p>A foul mouth and unclean hands, are certain marks of vulgarity; the
first is the cause of an offensive breath, which nobody can endure, and
the last is declarative of dirty work, and disgraceful negligence to
remove the filth. One may always know a gentleman by the state of his
hands and nails.<span class="pagenum" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</span> The flesh at the roots should be kept back, so as to
show the semicircles at the bottom of the nails; the edges of the nails
should never be cut down below the ends of the fingers, nor should they
be suffered to grow longer than the fingers.</p>
<p>For black and dirty teeth, where they are sound, there can be no
excuse. They are the mark of a lazy, vulgar fellow.<span class="pagenum" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</span> Let me entreat you
to form the habit of brushing your teeth, every night before you sleep.</p>
<p>Now, clean garments and a clean person, are as necessary to health, as
to prevent giving offence to other people. It is a maxim with me, which
I have lived to see verified, that he who is negligent at twenty years
of age, will be a sloven<span class="pagenum" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</span> at forty, and intolerable at fifty.</p>
<p class="center p0 p2"><span class="figcenter" id="img002d">
<img src="images/002.jpg" class="w10" alt="Decorative line" />
</span></p>
<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
<div class="chapter">
<h2 class="nobreak" id="GRACEFULNESS">GRACEFULNESS.</h2>
</div>
<hr class="r5" />
<p>Be graceful in your manners. The different effects of the same thing,
said or done, when accompanied or deserted by graceful manners, is
almost inconceivable. They prepare the way to the heart. From<span class="pagenum" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</span> your
own observations, reflect what a disagreeable impression, an awkward
address, a slovenly figure, an ungraceful manner of speaking, whether
fluttering, or drawling, &c., make upon you, at first sight, in a
stranger, and how they prejudice you against them.</p>
<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
<div class="chapter">
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</span></p>
<h2 class="nobreak" id="MODESTY">MODESTY.</h2>
</div>
<hr class="r5" />
<p>Modesty is a polite accomplishment, and generally attendant upon merit.
It is engaging, in the highest degree, and wins the hearts of all with
whom we are acquainted. None are more disgusting in company, than the
impudent and presuming.</p>
<p>Nothing can atone for the<span class="pagenum" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</span> want of modesty; without it, beauty is
ungraceful, and wit detestable.</p>
<p>Be particularly careful not to speak of yourself, if you can help it.
An impudent person intrudes himself abruptly upon all occasions, and is
ever the hero of his own story.</p>
<p>The less you say of yourself, the more the world will<span class="pagenum" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</span> give you credit
for; and the more you say of yourself, the less they will believe you.</p>
<p>Whatever perfections you may have, be assured people will find them
out; but whether they do or not, nobody will take them upon your own
word.</p>
<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
<div class="chapter">
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</span></p>
<h2 class="nobreak" id="CIVILITY">CIVILITY.</h2>
</div>
<hr class="r5" />
<p>The art of pleasing is a very necessary one to possess, but a very
difficult one to acquire. It can hardly be reduced to rules, and your
own good sense and observation will teach you more of it than I can. Do
as you would be done by, is the surest method of pleasing.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</span></p>
<p>Observe carefully what is pleasing to you in others; and probably the
same things in you will please others.</p>
<p>If you are pleased with the complaisance and attention of others to
you, depend upon it, the same complaisance and attention, on your part,
will equally please them.</p>
<p>It is not enough not to be rude; you should be civil and<span class="pagenum" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</span> distinguished
for your good breeding. The first principle of this good breeding is,
never to say anything that you think can be disagreeable to anybody in
company; but, on the contrary, you should endeavor to say what will
be agreeable to them; and that in an easy and natural manner, without
seeming to study for compliments. There is likewise such<span class="pagenum" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</span> a thing as a
civil look and a rude look; you should look civil, as well as be so;
for if, while you are saying a civil thing, you look gruff and surly,
nobody will be obliged to you for a civility that seemed to come so
unwillingly.</p>
<p>If you have occasion to contradict any one, or to set him right from
a mistake, it would be very brutal to say,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</span> “That is not so; I know
better;” or, “You are wrong;” but you should say, with a civil look, “I
beg your pardon, I believe you mistake;” or, “If I may take the liberty
of contradicting you, I believe it is so and so:” for, though you may
know a thing better than other people, yet is very disagreeable to
tell them so, directly, without something to<span class="pagenum" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</span> soften it; but remember
particularly, that whatever you may say or do, with ever so civil an
intention, a great deal consists in the manner and the look, which must
be genteel, easy, and natural.</p>
<p>Civility is particularly due to all women; and remember that no
provocation whatever can justify any person in being uncivil to a
woman; and the<span class="pagenum" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</span> greatest man in the land would be reckoned a brute, if
he was not civil to the meanest woman. It is due to their sex, and is
the only protection they have against the superior strength of ours.</p>
<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
<div class="chapter">
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</span></p>
<h2 class="nobreak" id="MORAL_CHARACTER">MORAL CHARACTER.</h2>
</div>
<hr class="r5" />
<p>There is nothing so delicate as your moral character, and nothing
that it is your interest so much to preserve pure. Should you be
suspected of injustice, malignity, perfidy, lying, &c., all the parts
and knowledge in the world will never procure you esteem, friendship,
or respect. A<span class="pagenum" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</span> strange concurrence of circumstances has sometimes
raised very bad men to high stations; but they have been raised, like
criminals to a pillory, where their persons and their crimes, by
being more conspicuous, are only the more known, the more pelted and
insulted. If in any case whatsoever, dissimulation were pardonable, it
would be in the<span class="pagenum" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</span> case of morality; though, even then, a Pharasaical
pomp of virtue would not be advisable. But I will recommend to you a
most scrupulous tenderness for your moral character, and the utmost
care not to do or say anything that may ever so slightly taint it. Show
yourself, upon all occasions, the advocate, the friend, but not the
bully, of virtue.</p>
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<div class="chapter">
<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</span></p>
<h2 class="nobreak" id="GOOD_BREEDING2">GOOD BREEDING.</h2>
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<hr class="r5" />
<p>Observe the best and most well-bred of the French people; how agreeably
they insinuate little civilities in their conversation. They think it
so essential that they call an honest and a civil man by the same name,
of “honnete homme;” and the Romans called<span class="pagenum" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</span> civility, “humanitas,” as
thinking it inseparable from humanity: and depend upon it, that your
reputation and success will, in a great measure, depend upon the degree
of good breeding of which you are master.</p>
<p>From what has been said, I conclude with the observation, that
gentleness of manners, with firmness of mind, is a<span class="pagenum" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</span> short but full
description of human perfection, on this side of religious and moral
duties.</p>
<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
<div class="chapter transnote">
<h2 class="nobreak" id="Transcribers_Notes">Transcriber’s Notes</h2>
<p>A few minor errors in punctuation and spelling were corrected.</p>
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<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 67553 ***</div>
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