diff options
Diffstat (limited to 'old/68147-0.txt')
| -rw-r--r-- | old/68147-0.txt | 864 |
1 files changed, 0 insertions, 864 deletions
diff --git a/old/68147-0.txt b/old/68147-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index e213b38..0000000 --- a/old/68147-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,864 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook of Please pass the cream, by Charles -Nevers Holmes - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this eBook. - -Title: Please pass the cream - A comedy - -Author: Charles Nevers Holmes - -Release Date: May 21, 2022 [eBook #68147] - -Language: English - -Produced by: Charlene Taylor, David E. Brown, and the Online Distributed - Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was - produced from images generously made available by The - Internet Archive) - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PLEASE PASS THE CREAM *** - - - - - - PLEASE PASS THE CREAM - - A COMEDY - - - BY - CHARLES NEVERS HOLMES - - AUTHOR OF - _“Their First Quarrel” and “Smith’s Unlucky Day.”_ - - [Illustration] - - CHICAGO - T. S. DENISON & COMPANY - PUBLISHERS - - - - -PLEASE PASS THE CREAM - - - MR. JOHN CLARK _A “Self-Made” Man_ - MRS. JOHN CLARK _A Former Schoolma’am_ - - PLACE--_Anywhere_. - - TIME--_Breakfast_. - - TIME OF PLAYING--_Twenty Minutes_. - - -COSTUMES. - - MR. CLARK--_Breakfast Attire_. - MRS. CLARK--_Morning Gown_. - - -PROPERTIES. - -All listed in description of stage setting. - - -STAGE DIRECTIONS. - -_R._ means right of the stage; _C._, center; _R. C._, right center; -_L._, left; _1 E._, first entrance; _U. E._, upper entrance; _R. 3 E._, -right entrance up stage, etc.; up stage, away from footlights; down -stage, near footlights. The actor is supposed to be facing the audience. - - -COPYRIGHT, 1918, BY T. S. DENISON & COMPANY. - - - - -PLEASE PASS THE CREAM - - -SCENE: _Dining-room of the CLARKS, cosily furnished in dark; -dining-table in center, two chairs at opposite ends, table set with -plates, knives, forks, spoons, glasses, coffee pot and cups at right -end, with sugar and a cream-pitcher; plate, knife, fork, spoons, glass -at left end; also a carafe of water; butter, salt and pepper boxes, -napkins, etc. A sideboard with silver. Rug under table. Modern hanging -lamp over it. Doors at right and left. Window at back beside sideboard. -Telephone on small table in left corner. MR. CLARK, about 40 years of -age, stout and easy going, seated in chair at left end of table. MRS. -CLARK, about 35 years old, rather slim and nervous, at the right end. -As the curtain rises both are eating some meat and potatoes, a clock in -hall behind door at right striking the hour of eight._ - -MRS. CLARK (_raising her napkin to her mouth_). I wish you wouldn’t say -“it don’t,” John. That isn’t grammatical! - -MR. CLARK (_raising a piece of potato on his knife to his mouth_). It -ain’t--why isn’t it? - -MRS. C. (_dropping her napkin to the floor, in a voice of utter -horror_). Oh, John, John! How many, _many_ times have I besought you -not to use that terrible, _terrible_ word “ain’t”? - -MR. C. (_very cheerfully, raising another piece of potato on his -knife_). I dunno, Martha. I never was much good at mental arithmetic. - -MRS. C. (_picking up her napkin, mournfully_). John, don’t you remember -that you _promised_ me when we were engaged never more to utter that -abominable word. - -MR. C. (_cutting awkwardly at his meat_). I _ain’t_ quite sure that I -made such a promise, Martha. - -MRS. C. (_sharply_). John Clark, you _certainly_ did make such a -promise--not once but _several_ times! - -MR. C. (_starting to raise a piece of meat to his mouth, letting it -fall_). But, Martha, that was _only_ an engagement promise, and -engagement promises _ain’t_ no wise binding, so to speak, after the -wedding march is ended. - -MRS. C. (_angrily, again dropping her napkin_). Mr. Clark, if you utter -that word _again_ I shall withdraw from the table! - -MR. C. (_still cutting away awkwardly at the meat_). All right, Martha. -I won’t use that word no more. - -MRS. C. (_picking up her napkin, sharply_). John Clark, what you have -just said is also ungrammatical. It is _very_ incorrect for you to say -“I won’t use that word no more.” - -MR. C. (_raising another piece of potato on his knife_). But, my dear, -I don’t see _why_ it is incorrect for me to say that I won’t use the -word “ain’t” again. _Now_ you’re blaming me for _not_ using it. - -MRS. C. (_a little confused_). You know _very_ well what I mean! -(_Suddenly and more sharply._) John, how many times have I requested -you not to _eat_ with your knife? - -MR. C. (_letting his knife fall out of his hand to the floor_). But -what is a knife for if it isn’t to eat with? - -MRS. C. (_in tone of utter disgust_). Oh, won’t you _ever_ speak -correct English. Why _couldn’t_ you have said, “What is the purpose of -a table-knife if it is not to use in eating?” - -MR. C. (_very cordially, reaching down to pick up the fallen knife_). -You are _exactly_ right, my dear. I agree wholly with you--the purpose -of a table-knife is to be used in eating. - -MRS. C. (_very sharply_). But a table-knife is _not_ a freight -elevator, John Clark! - -MR. C. (_starting to raise more potato on his knife_). No, Martha, a -fork is the proper instrument with which to convey a piece of meat from -one’s plate to one’s mouth. - -MRS. C. (_rising hastily, speaking quickly_). John, _stop_ that! -_Never_ use a knife, even at home, that has fallen to the floor! (_Goes -to the sideboard, opens a drawer, takes out a table-knife and exchanges -this knife for the one just dropped by MR. C._) There! (_Resuming her -seat._) Don’t you _dare_ to misuse _this_ knife as you misused the -other one, John Clark! - -MR. C. (_rather humbly_). No, ma’am! Still, it’s ever so much easier to -eat with my knife than with my fork. - -MRS. C. (_decidedly, beginning to eat again_). No, it isn’t! Besides, -it’s _very_ vulgar--and dangerous, too. - -MR. C. (_now using his fork_). Yet I’ve read somewhere--I know I -have--that George Washington ate with his knife in the same way that I -did. - -MRS. C. (_quickly_). Oh, well, forks were not invented then. - -MR. C. (_drinking from his glass of water_). They never should have -been invented. Fingers are ever so much better than forks. - -MRS. C. (_rising from her seat to go again to the sideboard_). I -expected you to say that fingers were invented before forks. How _did_ -it happen that you forgot to make that remark--again? - -MR. C. (_using his napkin very clumsily_). Really I can’t see why an -honest hungry man should be ashamed of eating with his knife. - -MRS. C. (_returning to her seat with the sugar tongs_). Well, it’s not -the correct thing socially. Mrs. James’s husband _never_ eats with -_his_ knife. (_Quickly._) John, that isn’t a wash towel; it’s a napkin. - -MR. C. (_dropping the napkin to the floor_). I wish that Mrs. James’s -husband would pay that $100 he has owed me for a year. - -MRS. C. (_beginning to pour out the coffee_). You should feel proud -that a gentleman of _such_ high social position as Mr. James owes you a -hundred dollars. - -MR. C. (_picking up the napkin_). Well, when a dozen other gentlemen of -high social position have each owed me a hundred dollars for more than -a year I don’t feel so proud of Mr. James’s owing me a hundred plunks. - -MRS. C. (_beginning to put in some sugar with the tongs into the cup of -coffee_). Not a hundred _plunks_, dear. You mean a hundred _dollars_. - -MR. C. (_a little crossly_). I mean _just_ what I say--a hundred -_plunks_! Perhaps if he ate with his knife and said “ain’t” the way I -do he would never have borrowed them hundred plunks. - -MRS. C. (_in utter horror_). “_Them_ hundred plunks!” Oh, John! - -MR. C. (_angrily_). Ye-es, _them hundred “bucks”_! (_More angrily._) -Now, see here, Martha Smith, I am a _ve_-ry _patient_ man. My father -was a patient man and my mother was the most patientest woman you ever -did see; but they have had their limits, and so have I. (_Bringing his -hand down firmly upon the table._) And when I get _real_ riled I ain’t -nearly as agreeable as aforetimes. (_Pauses for a moment as though -to emphasise his remarks._) As I said, I am a ve-ry _patient_ man, -but I have my limit. Now, Martha Smith, you have been a-pestering me -all breakfast time, and a-correcting me on my expressions of speech. -Also, you have been fault-finding with my table manners, and I have -got _ve_-ry tired of it. Now, I want you to understand, Martha Smith, -right _here_, that I won’t tolerate another word from you (_he rises -and then bangs his fist hard upon the table_), and I’ll say “it ain’t,” -“it hain’t,” “it don’t” as often as I _darn_ please! And I’ll eat with -my knife or my fingers as often as I _darn_ please! (_Raising his voice -still more._) Do you understand _that_, Martha Smith? (_He glares -angrily at her._) - -MRS. C. (_very coolly and very deliberately_). Mr. Clark, you are _so_ -amusing when you get “real riled.” If you could only _see yourself_ -(_mimics him_) “when you ain’t nearly as agreeable as aforetimes.” -Now, I _never_ get angry myself, _never_. And at any rate not after -seeing you in a tantrum. It’s too disgusting. You are _not_ a handsome -man, even when you are _agreeable_, Mr. Clark; but when you are really -“riled,” _my!_ you’re _homely_, as homely as--well, words _fail_ me! -(_She laughs somewhat irritatingly._) - -MR. C. (_walking furiously up and down the left side of the room, -savagely_). If you only was a man for a minute! - -MRS. C. (_more coolly and deliberately_). I wish I were for only _half_ -a minute. - -MR. C. (_walking more furiously, speaking more savagely_). It is no -wonder your _first_ husband died! - -MRS. C. (_rising quickly from her chair_). What do you _mean_, Mr. -Clark? (_Then she reseats herself just as quickly._) No, I never get -angry myself, _never_, and I’m _not_ going to become angry this time. -(_She rises again and carries the cup of coffee she has poured out, -placing it at his end of the table._) You see how _calm_ I am, Mr. -Clark--how _very_ calm. (_She returns to her seat with a martyr-like -smile._) If I were you I should drink that coffee before it gets cool. - -MR. C. (_pausing in his walking angrily_). I don’t _want_ any coffee! -(_More angrily._) Martha Smith, I asked you if _you_ understood? - -MRS. C. (_with great dignity_). Mr. Clark, please remember that I am -Mrs. Clark. - -MR. C. (_in a lower tone_). Guess I’ll never forget _that_! - -MRS. C. (_beginning to pour out some coffee for herself_). Don’t you -think you had better drink your coffee? It must be getting cool. - -MR. C. (_with a flash of anger_). Oh, _darn_ the coffee! - -MRS. C. (_putting in two lumps of sugar_). Just as you please, Mr. -Clark, just as you _please_. - -MR. C. (_sitting down sulkily in his seat_). Martha Smith, this -_nagging_ of yours is getting on my nerves. - -MRS. C. (_pouring from the cream-pitcher into her coffee_). I remarked -a short while ago that I am _Mrs. Clark_! - -MR. C. (_settling down into his chair_). Well, because you are Mrs. -Clark doesn’t give you any right to nag me. - -MRS. C. (_stirring her coffee_). I am _not_ nagging you. I have _never_ -nagged anybody in my life, but when you said “them hundred plunks”--oh, -horrors! - -MR. C. (_beginning to finger his coffee spoon_). But what _should_ I -have said? - -MRS. C. (_still stirring her coffee_). What _should_ you have said? -Why--why--“those hundred dollars,” of course. - -MR. C. (_in a grumbling tone_). It’s too blamed bad that a man can’t -speak as he wants to in his own home. - -MRS. C. (_sipping her coffee_). You _may_, John, providing that you -follow the rules of grammatical English, as are observed by our best -society. - -MR. C. (_less sulkily, still fingering his coffee spoon_). What do you -mean by our best society, Martha? - -MRS. C. (_a little perplexed_). Our best society? Oh--yes--er--why, our -best society means those that are _in_ the best society--those who are -the recognized leaders of society--the men and women who are socially -“it.” - -MR. C. (_quickly_). Martha! “Socially it”? I _am_ surprised to hear -such an expression fall from your lips. “Socially _it_”! Why, _what_ a -vulgar phrase. You _should_ have said, “Our best society consists of -those men and women who are the leaders of _élite_ society!” - -MRS. C. (_with much dignity_). Your coffee _must_ be cold by this time, -John. Let me give you another cup? - -MR. C. (_rather gleefully_). No, Martha, this coffee is all right; but -haven’t you forgotten something? - -MRS. C. (_still with dignity_). What is it I have forgotten? - -MR. C. (_cheerfully_). The milk, Martha, the _milk_. Please pass the -milk. - -MRS. C. (_reprovingly_). Of course you mean the _cream_, John. -(_Passing the pitcher._) - -MR. C. (_receiving the pitcher_). No, I mean the _milk_. - -MRS. C. (_rather sharply_). But, my dear, it isn’t milk; it’s _cream_. - -MR. C. (_obstinately_). It is _not_! It’s _milk_. (_Spelling it._) -M-i-l-k, _milk_! - -MRS. C. (_stirring her coffee_). It is not _milk_, John. Milk is what -the cows give--this is _cream_! - -MR. C. (_with a grin, still holding the pitcher_). I never knew before -that cream does not come from milk. _Very_ remarkable! - -MRS. C. (_a little confused_). Now don’t try to misunderstand me. Of -course milk comes from cream, and that pitcher contains cream, _not_ -milk. - -MR. C. (_with another grin_). Martha, I never knew before that milk -comes from cream. - -MRS. C. (_with dignity_). That was a slip of my tongue. - -MR. C. (_gleefully_). Yes, just as when you say that this pitcher -contains cream. - -MRS. C. (_sharply_). It _does_ contain cream, and _not_ milk! - -MR. C. (_pouring some of it from the pitcher into a glass_). Now, see -_there_. Do you call _that_ cream? _Cream!_ It’s more like skim milk. - -MRS. C. (_wearily_). Can’t you comprehend, John? _Socially_ it is -cream. You never ask for milk in your coffee but always for cream. - -MR. C. (_impatiently_). I don’t care one continental what it is -socially. _Practically_ it is milk. (_Drinking from the glass into -which he has poured from the pitcher._) YES, that’s _milk_ all right. -(_Pushing the pitcher towards MRS. C._) Taste it yourself Martha. See -if it isn’t milk. - -MRS. C. (_nervously sipping her coffee_). That isn’t the point at all. -Of course when it’s in a drinking glass it _may_ be milk, but when it’s -in a cream-pitcher it is _always_ cream. - -MR. C. (_still more impatiently_). But pouring it into a drinking glass -doesn’t change its _real_ nature. If it’s milk, it’s milk, and if it’s -cream, it’s _cream_! - -MRS. C. (_again sipping her coffee_). Yes, it is _just_ the same in the -pitcher as it is in the glass, only we call it, politely, cream when it -is in the pitcher and milk when in the glass. - -MR. C. (_crossly_). Well, what has politeness to do with it, anyway? If -it’s milk in the glass it will be milk when it’s in the pitcher. - -MRS. C. (_sipping her coffee with a half smile_). Don’t you _see_, -John, that it’s cream when it’s in the cream-pitcher? - -MR. C. (_still more crossly_). I suppose that if that pitcher contained -only water it could be called cream! - -MRS. C. (_putting down her spoon and drinking her coffee_). You are -_aw_-fully stupid--when you want to be, my dear. - -MR. C. (_rising quickly and going over to the telephone_). You needn’t -take _my_ word for it. We’ll have some one else’s opinion. (_Takes down -the receiver._) Hello! Give me Main 203. (_Turns to MRS. C._) I’m going -to talk with Joe Williams. He’s head of the Wholesale Milk Company. -(_Speaking into ’phone._) Hello! Is this Joe? I’m John Clark. You see, -Joe, my wife and I have had a slight dispute. She declares up and -down that the milk we are using on our breakfast table is cream, and -not milk at all. I say that it’s _milk_--no matter whether it’s in a -cream-pitcher or not. She says that as long as it’s in a cream-pitcher -it’s cream and _not_ milk. Now, Joe, am I _right_? It’s milk, because -I have drunk some of it and I remember that Mrs. Clark told me this -morning the milkman had forgotten to leave the cream. (_Pauses a -moment._) What’s _that_? You _think_ I am right, but you are going to -ask your wife and will call me up soon? Thank _you_, Joe. (_He replaces -the receiver and returns to his chair._) - -MRS. C. (_with a sweet smile_). I am sorry, John, that you have had to -call for assistance, but Mrs. Williams will, I am sure, wholly agree -with me. - -MR. C. (_sourly_). Well, I was brought up on a farm and I ought to know -the difference between milk and cream. - -MRS. C. (_with a very sweet smile_). I guess you were brought up on a -farm all right. - -MR. C. (_angrily_). So were _you_! I found it out only a short time -ago. (_Laughing softly._) Ha! ha! ha! - -MRS. C. (_mimicking him_). Ha! ha! ha! _ha!_ Now, I’m _not_ going to -lose my temper, whatever you may say. I _never_ get angry myself--no, -_never_! - -(_The telephone rings._) - -MR. C. (_hastening to the telephone_). _Now_ we shall see! (_Takes down -the receiver._) Hello! Hello, Joe. Oh, good morning, Mrs. Williams. How -do you do? Yes, thank you, both my wife and I are pretty well. _What_ -did you say? (_Listens while she is speaking._) Is that so? It is? I -understand. _What_ did you say? Oh, of course _socially_--yes--yes! -No, our dispute is not serious; only a difference of opinion. As -I told your husband a very _slight_ difference. _Thank_ you for -your trouble, Mrs. Williams. Will you please ask Mr. Williams to -come to the telephone a moment? O! He has gone for the day? Thank -_you_--good-_bye_. (_Impatiently hangs up the receiver._) - -MRS. C. (_laughing heartily_). Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! _ha!_ What did I -tell you, John? Didn’t Mrs. Williams agree _wholly_ with me? - -MR. C. (_reseating himself_). Yes, of _course_ she did. I expected -_that_, but Joe, I’m sure, believes that I am _right_. You see he -didn’t _dare_ to tell me his real opinion when his wife was there. -Probably he will visit us a little later and convince you that you -are wrong. But he didn’t have the courage to say so in the presence -of his wife. Isn’t it _too_ bad, Martha, that Joe hasn’t some of _my_ -independence? - -MRS. C. (_a little angrily_). I hope that Mr. Williams is not as stupid -as you are--_sometimes_. (_More angrily._) John, how _very_ obstinate -you are! You know well enough that _I_ have the right of it, and yet -you won’t admit it. - -MR. C. (_slowly stirring his coffee_). After all, Martha, I think I’ll -have some coffee. Will you please pass me the milk? - -MRS. C. (_with considerable temper_). John Clark, I _never_ get angry -myself, _never_, but certainly you do try my patience--sorely. Now, I -don’t want you to call that cream milk--_again_! _Not again!_ (_She -rises from her chair._) - -MR. C. (_still stirring his coffee_). Martha, will you please pass me -the--milk? - -MRS. C. (_angrily stamping her foot_). John Clark, how _dare_ you! - -MR. C. (_calmly_). Martha, will you _please_ pass me the milk! - -MRS. C. (_in a furious temper, stamping her foot and then pounding upon -the table_). It _ain’t_ milk--it _ain’t_! - -MR. C. (_with mock seriousness_). _Martha!_ It _ain’t_! That is _not_ -grammatical. Oh, that terrible, _terrible_ word--_ain’t_! - -MRS. C. (_very furiously_). I never said ain’t--never--_never_--_never_! - -MR. C. (_very mournfully_). You did, Martha--you _did_. I heard you. -You said, “_It ain’t no milk!_” - -MRS. C. (_wildly seizing the cream-pitcher and suddenly dashing it and -its contents to the floor, in view of the audience_). _There--darn it!_ - -MR. C. (_rising quickly_). Hold on! That is Grandmother Smith’s old -cream-pitcher! - -MRS. C. (_in despair_). Oh, _what_ have I done! (_She stands for a -moment, looking silently at the ruins of the prized cream-pitcher, and -then sinks into her chair, pulling out her handkerchief and weeping -hysterically._) - -MR. C. (_standing as though dazed, gazing upon the shattered pitcher._) -Gee _whiz_! (_Taking a step forward towards MRS. C., speaking kindly, -placing his right hand gently upon her shaking shoulders._) Well, -Martha, don’t feel so badly about it--it ain’t any use to “cry over -spilt milk!” - -MRS. C. (_suddenly rising from her chair, glaring at MR. C._). It isn’t -spilt milk--it’s spilt _cream_! - - -CURTAIN. - - - - -TRANSCRIBER’S NOTES: - - -Italicized text is surrounded by underscores: _italics_. - -Obvious typographical errors have been corrected. - -*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PLEASE PASS THE CREAM *** - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the -United States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part -of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm -concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, -and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following -the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use -of the Project Gutenberg trademark. If you do not charge anything for -copies of this eBook, complying with the trademark license is very -easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as creation -of derivative works, reports, performances and research. Project -Gutenberg eBooks may be modified and printed and given away--you may -do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks not protected -by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the trademark -license, especially commercial redistribution. - -START: FULL LICENSE - -THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE -PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK - -To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free -distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work -(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project -Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full -Project Gutenberg-tm License available with this file or online at -www.gutenberg.org/license. - -Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works - -1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to -and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property -(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all -the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or -destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your -possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a -Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound -by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the -person or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph -1.E.8. - -1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be -used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who -agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few -things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works -even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See -paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this -agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below. - -1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the -Foundation" or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection -of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual -works in the collection are in the public domain in the United -States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the -United States and you are located in the United States, we do not -claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing, -displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as -all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope -that you will support the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting -free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm -works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the -Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with the work. You can easily -comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the -same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg-tm License when -you share it without charge with others. - -1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern -what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are -in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, -check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this -agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, -distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any -other Project Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no -representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any -country other than the United States. - -1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: - -1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other -immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear -prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work -on which the phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the -phrase "Project Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, -performed, viewed, copied or distributed: - - This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and - most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no - restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it - under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this - eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the - United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where - you are located before using this eBook. - -1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is -derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not -contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the -copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in -the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are -redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase "Project -Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply -either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or -obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg-tm -trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. - -1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted -with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution -must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any -additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms -will be linked to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works -posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the -beginning of this work. - -1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm -License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this -work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. - -1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this -electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without -prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with -active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project -Gutenberg-tm License. - -1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, -compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including -any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access -to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format -other than "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official -version posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm website -(www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense -to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means -of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original "Plain -Vanilla ASCII" or other form. Any alternate format must include the -full Project Gutenberg-tm License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. - -1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, -performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works -unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. - -1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing -access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works -provided that: - -* You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from - the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method - you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed - to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he has - agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project - Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid - within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are - legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty - payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project - Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in - Section 4, "Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg - Literary Archive Foundation." - -* You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies - you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he - does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm - License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all - copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue - all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg-tm - works. - -* You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of - any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the - electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of - receipt of the work. - -* You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free - distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. - -1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic work or group of works on different terms than -are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing -from the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the manager of -the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the Foundation as set -forth in Section 3 below. - -1.F. - -1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable -effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread -works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project -Gutenberg-tm collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may -contain "Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate -or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other -intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or -other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or -cannot be read by your equipment. - -1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right -of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project -Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all -liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal -fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT -LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE -PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE -TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE -LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR -INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH -DAMAGE. - -1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a -defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can -receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a -written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you -received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium -with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you -with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in -lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person -or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second -opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If -the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing -without further opportunities to fix the problem. - -1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth -in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS', WITH NO -OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT -LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. - -1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied -warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of -damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement -violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the -agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or -limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or -unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the -remaining provisions. - -1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the -trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone -providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in -accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the -production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, -including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of -the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this -or any Project Gutenberg-tm work, (b) alteration, modification, or -additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any -Defect you cause. - -Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm - -Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of -electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of -computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It -exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations -from people in all walks of life. - -Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the -assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's -goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will -remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure -and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future -generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see -Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at -www.gutenberg.org - -Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation - -The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non-profit -501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the -state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal -Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification -number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by -U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. - -The Foundation's business office is located at 809 North 1500 West, -Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email contact links and up -to date contact information can be found at the Foundation's website -and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact - -Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg -Literary Archive Foundation - -Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without -widespread public support and donations to carry out its mission of -increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be -freely distributed in machine-readable form accessible by the widest -array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations -($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt -status with the IRS. - -The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating -charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United -States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a -considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up -with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations -where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND -DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular -state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate - -While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we -have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition -against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who -approach us with offers to donate. - -International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make -any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from -outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. - -Please check the Project Gutenberg web pages for current donation -methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other -ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To -donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate - -Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works - -Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project -Gutenberg-tm concept of a library of electronic works that could be -freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and -distributed Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of -volunteer support. - -Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed -editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in -the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not -necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper -edition. - -Most people start at our website which has the main PG search -facility: www.gutenberg.org - -This website includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, -including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to -subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. |