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-The Project Gutenberg eBook of Deep channel, by Margaret Prescott
-Montague
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
-most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
-of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you
-will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before
-using this eBook.
-
-Title: Deep channel
-
-Author: Margaret Prescott Montague
-
-Release Date: November 16, 2022 [eBook #69369]
-
-Language: English
-
-Produced by: hekula03, David E. Brown, and the Online Distributed
- Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This book was
- produced from images made available by the HathiTrust
- Digital Library.)
-
-*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DEEP CHANNEL ***
-
-
-
-
-
-DEEP CHANNEL
-
-
-
-
- DEEP CHANNEL
-
- BY
- MARGARET PRESCOTT MONTAGUE
-
- [Illustration]
-
- THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY PRESS
- BOSTON
-
-
-
-
- COPYRIGHT 1923 BY MARGARET PRESCOTT MONTAGUE
-
-
- PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
-
-
-
-
-DEEP CHANNEL
-
-
-
-
-I
-
-
-Where shall we pick up the thread of Julie Rose’s life? It runs, a
-hidden strand, back and back into the past, crossed and recrossed by
-the threads of other lives,--all weaving a pattern of humanity on an
-unseen loom,--deflected sometimes by the pull of natures stronger than
-her own, widened here and narrowed there by circumstance, winding
-itself for the most part along the muddy streets of Hart’s Run, to the
-shops on errands for her mother, to the schoolhouse, and on Sundays
-to the Methodist church; sometimes, more rarely, running out of the
-village by the main street, which so quickly turns itself into a rutty
-highway, up the sides of the surrounding mountains on excursions for
-chestnuts in the autumn, or for bloodroot and anemone blossoms in the
-spring.
-
-Following the thread, one may see Julie Rose as a little girl--such
-a meagre, anxious, and correct little girl!--out on the streets in
-hood and little shawl in winter or in a checked wash-dress in summer,
-weaving her pattern of life through the village. An uncertain pattern,
-deflected as it is by the constant necessity for sudden crossings of
-the street to avoid encounters which frighten her, yet at the same time
-to give the impression that she changed her course for other reasons.
-Here she crosses, one might suppose, to speak to old Mrs. Brewster;
-in reality it is to escape a group of rough boys who would be sure to
-taunt her, or even give her hair a jerk, did she dare to pass them.
-There she recrosses, apparently to peep at a bed of zinnias but really
-to avoid a cow, which, blocking the sidewalk, might swoop its horns
-at her were she to face it. Always there is the fear and always the
-compulsion of concealment, for worse even than being afraid is to have
-one’s fear uncovered by the laughter of people. But though a little
-nervous pulse flutters in her neck, and her eyes darken constantly with
-apprehension, yet her whole face can light up amazingly whenever life
-is gracious to her: when some one gives her a red apple, for instance,
-or when her teacher is kind.
-
-One sees her conscientiously hopping over the mud puddles on the way
-to school to avoid soiling her shoes and stockings, because that would
-worry her mother; yet one may also see that a paper doll, whose pink
-cheeks and blue eyes fill her with a maternal delight, is snuggled
-under her shawl. Alas! at this point, following her thread of life, one
-sees very distinctly the look in her eyes the day that Edward Black
-snatched that paper doll away from her, and there before the whole
-school at playtime wrenched its head off, and flung its decapitated
-body into a snow-bank. That was a gray winter day with dirty yellowed
-snow upon the ground and fresh flakes drifting down from a heavily
-close and sullen sky. Julie is paralyzed when that big bully snatches
-her doll, powerless to move or cry out; she can only stand and look,
-her eyes wide and stricken, her hands clutched together. Not so
-Henr’etta Wilkins, Julie’s deskmate. She flew at Edward Black, and
-slapped him full and stingingly upon the face with her competent hand.
-It was Henr’etta’s dramatic act which precipitated a general scuffle
-and free fight among the children. They fought back and forth through
-the snow and over the tattered remnants of the paper doll. Julie took
-no part in the conflict, but under its cover her tension of horror
-relaxed sufficiently for her to creep over and collect the torn bits
-that had been her doll. The other children knocked her about as she did
-so, and when she picked up the last bit, one of the big boys stepped
-square upon her hand. But Julie hardly noticed that. In a daze, she
-turned out of the school-yard and made for home, slipping and stumbling
-through the snow, the fragments of the doll pressed tight against her
-breast, and the forbidding sky hanging low upon her.
-
-At home she could only hold out the torn pieces dumbly to her mother.
-
-“What’s the matter, honey?” her mother cried, nervously. “Oh, what did
-they do to its doll baby?”
-
-Then at last Julie could speak. “Edward Black did it!” she gasped.
-“He--he tore her head right off and flung it in the snow. I couldn’t
-stop him--I couldn’t do _anything_. I--couldn’t--” her voice squeaked
-out impotently in a flood of tears.
-
-“Never mind! never mind! It shall have another doll baby,” her mother
-comforted her.
-
-But a question struggled convulsively to the surface through Julie’s
-sobs. “What--what made Ed act so mean? I wasn’t doing a thing. I was--I
-was just standing there.”
-
-“I don’t know,” her mother shook her head with a helpless gesture. “I
-don’t know. Folks do that way--I reckon it’s all you can expect in this
-world.”
-
-“All you can expect in this world,” Julie repeated with a broken gasp.
-
-Afterward her mother bathed her face and hands, tied up her bruised
-fingers, and giving her a cookie fresh and warm from the oven, made
-her go back to school, for “What’ll folks think if you stay home?” she
-said. “All the children will laugh at you.”
-
-So Julie went back, the cookie, fragrant and comforting, in her hand,
-but a poignant disillusioned throb still in her heart, driven in so
-deep that it was beyond the relief of tears; and the two phrases
-her mother had used, “That’s all you can expect in this world,” and
-“What’ll folks think?” turned themselves over and over, burrowing down
-into her mind and intrenching themselves there. She took a little
-tentative nibble of the cookie to comfort herself. It was good, very
-good.
-
-Good? What did that remind Julie of? Oh, yes! Last Sunday’s Golden
-Text: “Overcome evil with good.” Ed Black was certainly evil in Julie’s
-eyes--then ought she to do good to him? A sudden idea jumped in her
-mind, choking her and making her clutch her cookie fast. It was an
-awful idea. She could not possibly do it. It would be a dreadful
-thing to do. How all the children would laugh! But just because it
-was so awful, and would bring public opinion so down on her, a stern
-compulsion to do it seized her.
-
-A tyrant within rose up and challenged her: “You don’t dare to do it,”
-the tyrant taunted. “All the children will laugh at you--you don’t
-dare--” “I do dare! I do!” Julie cried back at the tyrant, a cold
-perspiration breaking out.
-
-The bell was ringing for the afternoon session when she reached the
-schoolhouse, and the children were flocking up the steps to the door.
-Edward Black, big and untidy, stood on the top step. His hair was
-tousled, his coat torn; his hands were chapped and grimy with dirt.
-Through the parti-colored surge of children Julie pressed up to him,
-and held out her cookie.
-
-“What’s that?” he demanded, bringing his scornful eyes down upon her.
-
-“A cookie,” Julie wavered. “It’s--it’s good.”
-
-“A cookie?” He snatched it from her. “Well, if you ain’t the _biggest_
-little fool! Look a’ here!” he shouted. “Look what Julie Rose give
-me. A cookie! Haw! Haw! Haw!” He waved the gift for all to see,
-and his hoarse mirth ran down the line of children, in surprise,
-contemptuous laughter, and ejaculation. And only Julie’s shrinking and
-inadequate little body stood between her soul and the stabs of the
-other children’s derision. “Here--I don’t want anything from _you_!”
-Edward cried, and flung the cookie in her face. It struck her cheek
-and bounded from thence down to the dirty steps, where the oncoming
-children kicked at it, deriding it and trampling it into a pulp with
-the mud and snow on their shoes, while Edward Black went haw-hawing
-loudly into school.
-
-“Julie! You are the biggest little idiot!” Henr’etta whispered,
-sharply, when they were seated at their desks, and the school was
-quieting down. “What in the name of common sense made you go and give
-your cookie to that hateful piece when he’d been so mean to you?”
-
-“It--it was the text,” Julie stammered.
-
-“The text? What text? Quit shaking so, Julie! What text?”
-
-“Last Sunday’s,” Julie gasped.
-
-Henr’etta considered a moment. “Oh, that!” she said. “Well, you cer’nly
-are a goody-goody.”
-
-“I’m not! I’m not!” Julie panted. “It wasn’t that--I--I had to do it.”
-
-“Why? Why did you have to? Quit shaking, I tell you!”
-
-“I had to because I was scared to,” Julie confessed miserably.
-
-But this was beyond Henr’etta’s comprehension. It was really beyond
-Julie’s own. She did not know that she was already beginning to feel
-herself caught in the terrifying net of her own fears, and had made a
-futile leap for freedom. She only knew that something had made her do a
-dreadful thing at which all the children had laughed, just as she had
-known they would.
-
-“Oh here, don’t cry, Julie!” Henr’etta whispered hastily. “For the
-mercy sakes! Don’t go and cry now, right before the whole school. Here,
-look at the geography lesson--here, listen: ‘Principal rivers in West
-Virginia’--Oh, for goodness sake!”
-
-For, despite the principal rivers, Julie had dropped her head upon the
-desk in front of her, bursting into a flood of tears; and again the
-eyes of all the school stabbed straight through her body, and down into
-her soul.
-
- * * * * *
-
-One may also see this fragile thread of life running back into Julie’s
-babyhood, mothered by her delicate and shrinking mother, and fathered
-by her big blustering father. Those were the days when Mr. Rose kept a
-small shop in the village, and when Julie’s earliest baby recollections
-were concerned with the many-colored things in the shop, and the
-mingled smell of raisins, tobacco, and peppermint candy, together with
-the dreadful tradition that a witch lived in the ginger-cake barrel,
-ready to snap out at a little girl who even so much as thought of
-helping herself in passing. That appeared to be the reason for their
-being called ginger-snaps.
-
-But big and boastful as her father was, he was not a success at
-storekeeping, and by the time little Julie was five or six, her mother
-was taking table boarders “to help out.” She had been a school-teacher
-from one of the smaller cities in Virginia, and had trained herself to
-a rather prim mode of speech. Julie usually spoke as she did, but in
-moments of stress she was apt to break away to the mountain phraseology
-of her father’s people.
-
-Julie’s father boasted largely of the things he meant to do in the
-business way, but always as the table boarders increased, the customers
-in the shop decreased, until finally, when Julie was ten or eleven, the
-shop was closed altogether, and her father had gone across the State
-line into West Virginia, to work in the lumber camps. There he made
-good money, for people said that Emmet Rose was a mighty fine hand in
-the woods; and he himself bragged that he could drop a tree within a
-foot of any spot he named. Thereafter, with the money coming regularly
-from the lumber camp, Mrs. Rose gave up most of the table boarders, and
-so had leisure to do fancy sewing, and to make pretty, sober little
-clothes for Julie. The stitches in them were exquisite and sincere,
-but she never dressed Julie in bright colors. “No, I don’t like bright
-colors,” she was wont to say.
-
-“But why, mother? Why?” Julie questioned.
-
-“They’re so gay--” her mother hesitated; “I--I don’t know, but someway
-I don’t think they’re respectful to the Lord.”
-
-Thereafter Julie went in fear of a jealous surveillance from on high.
-God became somewhat confused in her child mind with a chicken hawk.
-“Grandmaw Rose,” who had a little farm on the top of Slatty Mountain,
-said she didn’t hold with white chickens: they was too easy a mark
-for the hawk. This seemed to accord with her mother’s fear of bright
-colors. Apparently, up there in the wide stretches of the deep sky
-that Julie had always liked, there lurked a terrifying Power that
-might pounce dreadfully at any moment. Evidently the safest way to get
-through life was to slip by as unnoticed as possible, clad, if one were
-a chicken, in speckled gray feathers that faded easily from sight in
-the grass; or; if one were a little girl, ordering one’s self in the
-same humble and unobtrusive manner.
-
-Julie felt worried about her father, there was so little of the
-discreet coloration about him. His necktie, when he wore one, could be
-seen half a mile, an easy mark for hawk or deity. His friends described
-him as a great big two-fisted Jim-bruiser of a man. He was boastful
-and loud, and would come roaring down the river with the log drives in
-spring, boisterous, gay, and apparently unafraid. During the summer
-months, when he was in Hart’s Run, their reserved little house rocked
-with his Homeric laughter, accompanying great stories of “Tony Beaver”
-who lives up “Eel River,”--where all the impossible things of the West
-Virginia lumber camps happen,--who is blood brother to “Paul Bunyan”
-of the Northern woods and who owns a yoke of oxen so big it takes a
-crow a week to wing the distance between the horns of one of them. But
-just because of his recklessness and daring laughter, Julie adored her
-father. Those were good days on the whole--her mother and herself snug
-and well provided for in the village, building up a gentle home-life,
-with the lumber-jack’s big personality off in the woods to roof it over
-securely.
-
-But when Julie was sixteen, this period came to an abrupt end on a
-day in the woods, when a tree which Emmet Rose was felling failed to
-drop on the spot he had named, but fell instead upon him. They brought
-him home, out of the woods, to Hart’s Run--a painful journey--by way
-of tram cars and rough frozen roads with ice and skifts of snow in
-the ruts, with Sam Fletcher, who drove, feeling in his own body every
-dreadful jolt of the wagon; for, as he confided to his intimates,
-if there was one thing he did naturally _de_spise, it was haulin’ a
-crippled hand out of the woods.
-
-Julie and her mother were dazed by the shock. Their scared faces fell
-into a mould of horror that did not lighten or relax when they spoke
-or even when they tried to smile. Their little hands shook, but they
-went on and did things efficiently and bravely. Emmet Rose watched them
-sadly out of his big face that was gaunt and curiously stretched with
-pain to a wider apprehension. Once when her mother was out of the room,
-he put out his uninjured hand to Julie and spoke darkly.
-
-“It’s got me. I allus knew it would.”
-
-Julie’s heart jumped violently. “What’s got you, pappy, honey?” she
-questioned, putting her hand in his.
-
-“Life,” he answered. “It’s got me down at last. I allus knew it would.
-It gits every feller in the end. I stood up aginst it an’ fought it
-like a two-fisted man, but it’s got me, an’ now I’ll jist have to lay
-down on you women-folks. Don’t tell mammy--she’s scary enough anyhow.”
-
-This admission was the climax of terror to Julie. She had always
-sheltered in her father’s loud confidence. To have him broken in body
-was frightful enough; to see his broken spirit laid bare, to know that
-always that sinister dread had lurked in the back of his mind, and that
-all his big bluster was just a cloak for it, seemed to take the roof
-from over her head, leaving her uncovered in a bleak world. Her heart
-beat so fearfully that the thin material of her blouse fluttered up and
-down. Nevertheless, she put her other hand, cold as it was, steadfastly
-over her father’s. “Never mind, pappy, honey!” she said. “Never mind.
-We’ll manage someway.”
-
-He looked dimly at her white face with the big eyes, and felt the
-tremor of her fingers.
-
-“Poor Julie,” he said. “Poor little Julie. I kind of hate to have life
-git a-hold of you.”
-
-But after all Emmet Rose did not have to “lay down” long on his
-women-folks. A broken rib had pierced one lung, pneumonia set in,
-and five days after they brought him out of the woods his great body
-was stiff and tenantless, and Julie and her mother, two terrified
-little people, were left alone. Yet, for all their fear, with a
-dogged pertinacity they rebuilt their lives and struggled on, like a
-chess-player, who having lost his best piece still fights on with what
-the game has left to him.
-
-Later on, when death swooped again and her mother was gone, Julie,
-frightened and alone, nevertheless rebuilt her life once more, and
-went on spinning her web of existence, supported by dressmaking and
-millinery which she had established in her father’s old shop, and
-protected from being quite alone by Aunt Sadie Johnson who rented one
-half of the house, and who was not Julie’s aunt at all, but was so old
-a friend of her mother’s that Julie had always called her so.
-
-This is the thread of Julie Rose’s life, running on narrow and timorous
-lines back into the past to her birth in Hart’s Run, and forward into
-the future, at the command of existence; and all along its pathway of
-the past and future one may see her small figure faring forth, as she
-weaves her strand in the pattern of humanity. All of it is of interest
-and of value in that pattern, but for the sake of winding some of the
-thread into a ball of narrative, one must pick it up definitely at
-one point and break off at another; therefore, to begin, let us pick
-it up on a June night in the summer of 1918, the year that Julie was
-thirty-two.
-
-
-
-
-II
-
-
-It was a soft and gracious evening early in the month. The dusk,
-drenched by dew, which brought out the fragrance of locust blossoms, of
-peonies, roses, and cut grass in the dooryards up and down the street,
-fell over Hart’s Run in breath after breath of oncoming darkness,
-obliterating the sordid aspect of the village--except where the
-electric lights glaringly defied it--so that the cheap lines of the new
-garage were gathered into obscurity, the telegraph poles disappeared,
-and looking up one saw the wide, tumbled outline of mountains, with a
-remote young moon sailing the sky.
-
-Some of the night’s fragrance drifted in through Julie’s back door, but
-she was unconscious of its appeal, having gone into her shop to see if
-everything was in order and safely locked up, before she started out
-for the week-night prayer-meeting.
-
-She had already seen to everything once, but she returned nervously
-this second time just to be quite sure that all was safe. Snapping on
-the light, she stood a moment, and looked all about the neat little
-place; then she stepped across and tried the handle of the door. She
-was just turning away, when a sudden rasping noise jumped her heart
-into her throat, and stiffened all the nerves at the back of her neck.
-She stood transfixed, frozen with terror. She was all alone in her part
-of the house. What could the noise be? A snake? Once, as a little girl,
-she had almost stepped on a rattlesnake, and ever since any sudden
-rasping sound threw her into an agony of fear. Again the sound broke
-forth, constricting her with renewed terror. But now she realized that
-it came from the old disused fireplace, and she knew distressfully well
-what it was; though her fear left her, revulsion and discomfort took
-its place. It was the chimney swallows. Their nest had come down and
-the young birds were in the fireplace. Julie crept over, and pulling
-forward the board screen which she had covered with wall paper, peered
-into the hearth. There was only one, a naked little fledgling with
-blind eyes and gaping mouth. The sight of it nauseated Julie, and yet
-filled her with unhappy compassion.
-
-“Poor little thing! Poor little thing!” she shuddered. “What in the
-world am I going to do with you?”
-
-“Julie! Aw, Julie!” a strident voice called all at once from the back
-door, making Julie jump again.
-
-It was Mrs. Dolly Anderson, Julie knew. She had stopped on her way to
-prayer-meeting. Julie wished she had not come until she had decided
-what to do about the chimney-swallow.
-
-“Julie! Where are you?” the rasping voice persisted. Mrs. Anderson was
-coming in through the back way, and was already in the kitchen. Julie
-hastily replaced the screen, and met her at the shop door.
-
-“There you are, dearie,” the visitor proclaimed. “I been bawling my
-head off for you. I come by to go with you to prayer meetin’--but you
-look’s white as a sheet. What’s the matter?”
-
-“Nothing, I’m all right,” Julie said, nervously.
-
-“Something’s scared you,” the other stated, her stalwart figure
-settling firmly back upon her heels, as she surveyed Julie with a
-relentless stare. “I never knowed any person to get scared as easy as
-you do, Julie. What’s happened now? I’ll bet a hopper-grass jumped
-at you! Or,” with sudden elephantine playfulness, “I caught you up to
-something you hadn’t ought to do. Now then!” she admonished, shaking
-a stubby and roguish finger, and pouncing inexorably upon Julie’s
-self-conscious look. “Tell its mammy what it’s been doin’.--Oh, for the
-_mercy sake_! What’s _that_?”
-
-The young swallow had broken out stridently once more.
-
-“It’s a chimney-swallow,” Julie confessed. “I was just trying to think
-what to do with it.”
-
-“Where is it--over in the fireplace?” Mrs. Anderson, with a tread that
-made the boards complain under her, went over and pulled the screen
-away, with large competent hands. “Ugh! How I despise little naked
-birds!” she ejaculated. “Here, where’s the cat?”
-
-“Oh, I don’t want the cat to get it.”
-
-“Yes, you do. There ain’t a thing else to do. Here, kitty! Puss, puss,
-puss!”
-
-“But I tell you I don’t want--”
-
-“Yes you do, too, Julie. Here, kitty, kitty! You _got_ to do it, Julie!
-There ain’t another thing to do with ’em. Pus-sie! Puss, puss!”
-
-Julie’s big black cat came running in on soft eager feet.
-
-“Here, pussie!” Mrs. Anderson called.
-
-“No, don’t! Please don’t!” Julie begged. “Scat! scat out of here,
-Blackie!”
-
-But as the cat paused in the doorway, looking uncertainly from one to
-the other, half crouched, with green eyes glinting and tail lashing,
-Mrs. Anderson dragged it forward by the scruff of the neck, and in an
-instant the combination was effected. There was a pounce, a last shriek
-of supreme agony from the fledgling, and with a growl the cat ran out
-of the room, the bird in its mouth.
-
-Julie leaned against the counter, swallowing convulsively.
-
-“Julie! for mercy sake! you know that was the onliest thing to do. When
-they come down the chimney like that, you just have to give ’em to the
-cat. There ain’t another thing _to_ do.”
-
-“I--I might have tried to raise it,” Julie said, weakly.
-
-“No, you could not,” Mrs. Anderson retorted. “You don’t know what to
-feed it; an’ even s’posing you did, you ain’t got time to waste pokin’
-fishin’ worms down a nasty little naked bird’s throat--specially now in
-the war when our boys needs every single thing we can do for ’em.”
-
-“I know, but--”
-
-“Well, but what?”
-
-“It sounded so awful when the cat got it!”
-
-“Julie! I never did see any person take things as hard as you do. I
-reckon it’s because you’re so thin. Just look at your arms!” Mrs.
-Anderson took one of Julie’s hands, and pushed the loose sleeve up
-above her elbow. “Looks about the size of a toothpick to me. If you
-were fleshier, things wouldn’t get to you so quick. Look at me, now,”
-she commanded, drawing up her frank proportions. “Things have to
-go through about six inches of grease ’fore they can reach me. But
-you--why you’re pretty near as naked to the world as that nasty little
-chimney-swallow. You can’t go through life like that. Oh, it’s all
-right for a real young girl, but you must be over thirty; it’s time you
-was featherin’ up, dearie.”
-
-Julie snapped off the light in silence, and they passed out of the shop.
-
-“Well, I will say one thing for you, you always look s’ nice,” Mrs.
-Anderson approved her, as they emerged from Julie’s side door and set
-out together along the village street. “I never seen you when you
-didn’t look like you’d stepped right out of a bandbox. That’s a mighty
-cute little collar you got on, dearie,” she continued, fingering the
-delicate ruffles at Julie’s neck. Julie was constantly at the mercy of
-other women’s hands. Her smallness stirred their maternal instincts;
-they were apt to stroke her and patronize her. “I declare, you don’t
-seem like nothing but a doll baby to me,” her companion pursued, her
-large damp hand giving Julie’s shoulder a final pat. “It beats me
-why you never married, Julie.--Oh my Lord!” she broke off abruptly,
-clapping her hand to her mouth.
-
-“What is it? What’s the matter?” Julie cried, in alarm.
-
-Mrs. Anderson performed some violent mouth-gymnastics behind her palm.
-“It’s my teeth,” she explained, spasmodically, at last. “I can’t seem
-to get used to this new set, an’ seems like they’re always a-bitin’ at
-my tongue. I have to watch ’em all the time. An’ I’m mightily afraid
-they’ll drop out in company some day.” She withdrew her hand at
-length, and they started on again. “But as I say,” she continued, “I
-don’t see why in the name of goodness you never married.”
-
-“I never wanted to marry,” Julie said hastily, an uncomfortable
-restraint falling upon her.
-
-“Oh yes, that’s just what every old maid says, if you’ll excuse _me_,”
-Mrs. Anderson retorted.
-
-“No--but it’s true; I mean it,” Julie protested. “I--I always just
-hated the idea of getting married. It scares me to think of it.”
-
-They were passing under an electric light, and Mrs. Anderson looked
-down at her curiously. “Well, now, ain’t that funny? I just believe
-that’s so,” she stated. “An’ it ain’t for want of chances, neither.
-There was Sam Dodson--he courted you, didn’t he?”
-
-Julie was silent, but in the street light Mrs. Anderson could see the
-nervous self-consciousness of her face.
-
-“Oh, all right, don’t tell, then,” she continued. “But everybody knows
-he did, an’ Pinckney Wayland, too--and wasn’t there a drummer feller
-from Cincinnati? Why, Julie, you’ve had a heap of chances. Most people
-would brag about ’em. Scary as you are, I’d think you’d want to be
-married an’ have a man ’round to look after you--There! there, now!”
-She stopped again, dramatically.
-
-“What is it? Your teeth?” Julie inquired, with concern.
-
-“No, but I got an idea. It’s come to me all of a sudden. I just believe
-I’ll make a match between you and the new preacher. Now I think that’d
-be real suitable. He’s about the right age for you, an’ maybe marrying
-a widower like that wouldn’t scare you s’ much.”
-
-Julie quickened her pace nervously, walking with averted eyes.
-
-“Widowers, now,” Mrs. Anderson pursued, “They’re broke to double
-harness already--they ain’t so hard to drive as a colt.”
-
-She suddenly collapsed in mirth. “’Magine you drivin’ a colt husband,
-Julie!” she giggled. “Don’t walk so fast, dearie; you put me all out er
-breath. Well, anyhow, I think widowers are real nice. I ain’t got one
-thing against ’em. I just believe I’ll make the match between you and
-Brother Seabrook. You like his looks all right, don’t you?”
-
-Julie had fallen into a frozen silence. But her companion was
-inexorable.
-
-“Don’t you, dearie? Don’t you like his looks?” she persisted.
-
-“I--I haven’t thought anything about how he looks,” Julie stumbled,
-unhappily.
-
-“I b’lieve he’d like you, too,” Mrs. Anderson went on. “Big men like
-him are mighty apt to take to little scary women like you. An’ you’d
-make him a real good wife, Julie. I will say for you, you’re ’bout the
-best cook in town. You get that from your mother; she always set the
-prettiest table--you recollect, Julie?”
-
-Again Julie was silent. The remembrance of her mother informed all her
-life, but it was not possible for her to speak of it to Mrs. Anderson.
-
-“Well, of course Brother Seabrook would rather have you keepin’ his
-house an’ raisin’ his children for him than that soured-faced old
-aunt he’s got now. An’ you wouldn’t give him a speck er trouble; you
-wouldn’t kick over the traces, would you? ’Magine you kickin’ over
-anything, Julie!” Again Mrs. Anderson was convulsed with mirth, but
-this time she was interrupted. “Oh, mercy! Them old teeth!” she cried,
-clapping her hand to her mouth. “My! But they certainly did take a
-spiteful nip at my tongue that time. Yes, sir,” she continued, “I’m
-certainly goin’ to make that match if I live. I’ll commence right this
-evenin’ by bringin’ you to his notice. I’ll tip him off to call on you
-to pray.”
-
-“Oh, no!” Julie burst out. “Oh, please, Mrs. Anderson--please don’t do
-anything like that! You know I never do lead in prayer. I can’t do it.
-I never could. Brother Mead knew I couldn’t--and old Brother Johnston,
-too--mother told them privately, and they never called on me. I’ll
-do anything to help the church--anything I can. But I can’t lead in
-prayer, Mrs. Anderson; you know I can’t! I never could.”
-
-“Well, now, it’s time you learned. You been a member in the Methodist
-church too long not to be able to pray, Julie. Why, what’ll folks think
-if it gets about you can’t pray? Why, prayer’s just the very foundation
-of the church. What’s the matter?”
-
-Julie had stopped. “I’m not going to prayer-meeting this evening,” she
-faltered. “I’ve got to go back. I--I don’t feel so very well.”
-
-Mrs. Anderson laid firm hands upon her. “That’s perfect nonsense,”
-she cried. “You got to go. Why, this is Brother Seabrook’s first
-prayer-meeting. Everybody’ll think it’s awful funny if you ain’t there
-to welcome him.”
-
-“I’m not going,” Julie protested, trying to twist herself free of the
-large hand on her wrist. “I--I--Oh, you know I can’t lead in prayer!
-If he calls on me, I’ll not be able to say one word--an’ everybody’ll
-laugh.”
-
-“Julie! You a Methodist an’ can’t pray?”
-
-“I’ll die if he calls on me,” Julie cried, on the verge of tears.
-
-“Oh, no, you won’t. Folks don’t die that easy. What’s the matter with
-you, anyhow, Julie?” Mrs. Anderson interrupted herself suddenly. “Why,
-now I come to recollect, I heard you pray once, an’ it was just grand.
-It was the time we had that big revivalist here--remember? Why, you was
-just wonderful that night.”
-
-“I know--I remember,” Julie returned hurriedly. “But that was
-different. I was just carried away that night. Something got hold of
-me--it sort of swept me out of myself. I--I wasn’t there that night. It
-was his preaching, I reckon. It seemed to set me free.” She broke off,
-a sudden bravery brought momentarily to her face by the remembrance.
-“But--but that was different,” she hurried on. “I couldn’t do it now.
-Please let me go.”
-
-But the other was inexorable.
-
-“You’ve prayed once an’ you can pray again,” she persisted. “An’ it
-would be awful for you not to be there for Brother Seabrook’s first
-prayer-meeting. If you struggle now, Julie, it’ll look like I was
-draggin’ you to church, an’ what’ll folks think of that?”
-
-Julie knew, all through her sensitive being, just how it would look,
-and so perforce she yielded.
-
-Fortunately, however, they were late, so that when they entered the
-Sunday-School room, where the week-night services were held, all the
-front benches were occupied and they were forced to slip into obscure
-seats, near the door. Hidden away by a broad back in front of her,
-Julie drew a breath of relief. The agitated beating of her heart
-began to subside, and during the singing of the first hymn she even
-dared to peep forth between the other worshipers, letting her eyes
-rove over the familiar congregation, the plaster walls ornamented by
-texts, the red runner of carpet in the aisle, and at last up to the
-front where Brother Seabrook stood by the reading-table, his hymn book
-stretched away from his farsighted eyes. He was a tall man, and big
-in proportion. Breathlessly, overpoweringly big he seemed to Julie. A
-personality that made her feel stifled. His hair was dark, and although
-flecked with gray, still persisted in a tendency to curl. He had a
-trick of smoothing it down fiercely from time to time. He smoothed it
-now as he gave himself to the loud worship of song, his body swaying
-slightly on his wide-planted legs, and his eyes, as round and dark and
-almost as expressionless as shoe buttons, alternately dropped to pick
-up a line of hymn and then raised to sweep over his flock. Peeping
-forth at him, Julie heard again in her mind Mrs. Anderson’s bold voice
-as she planned the match between Brother Seabrook and herself, and at
-the remembrance she blushed. She felt the blush not only in her face
-but all down into her very being. His eyes terrified her. Once, as she
-watched him, they came full upon hers, roving down between the channel
-of the people in front. She looked hastily away, but she knew he
-had seen her, had marked where she was sitting; and the blush burned
-through her more violently than ever.
-
-The hymn came to an end, and with a final smooth to his hair Brother
-Seabrook spread his handkerchief on the floor, and dropped one knee
-upon it in prayer.
-
-“Seems like he needn’t to be so scary about trustin’ both knees to our
-floor,” Mrs. Anderson whispered resentfully to Julie, as they bent
-forward.
-
-Brother Seabrook’s petition was an impassioned plea that his flock
-might be instructed in prayer--all of them, even the least in their
-midst--and here Mrs. Anderson dug her elbow into Julie’s ribs. Another
-hymn followed, and as the congregation sang through “Take it to the
-Lord in prayer,” Julie tried to fortify herself with the thought that
-surely none of the women members would be called on at this very first
-prayer-meeting. But when the hymn died away, Brother Seabrook shattered
-this forlorn hope by booming out, “Sister Humphries, will you offer a
-prayer?” Obediently, old Miss Mary Humphries, up at the front, bowed
-her broad back to the burden. It was more than Julie could face.
-He was calling on the women, and he had fixed his eyes upon her. It
-was terrifying to leave. It was impossible to stay. She went. Mrs.
-Anderson’s face was buried in her hands. She never knew when Julie
-slipped from her side. None of the worshipers saw her go. She was so
-far back that a stride or two brought her to the door. It was half
-open, and she passed through it to freedom and safety, without a sound.
-
-
-
-
-III
-
-
-As Julie came forth from the Sunday-School room, breathless and
-trembling, she paused a moment upon the steps, and there the deep
-serenity of the night received her. She drew a long breath. Her heart
-still pounded violently, but she had escaped: she was delivered.
-Inside, Sister Humphries continued to pray, Brother Seabrook speeding
-the petition upon its way with ejaculations of “Lord, grant it!” “Amen!
-Amen!” Outside, the sweep of a starlighted sky covered the world. Julie
-lingered upon the steps, her tense nerves relaxing gradually, as the
-safety and reassurance outside wrapped her about. From some near garden
-the fragrance of roses was borne to her by an idle breeze--a little
-breeze which, having rendered this service, blew away thereafter into
-the hills. The mountains were there, the stars, the night.
-
-On a sudden impulse she dropped down upon the top step. It half
-frightened her to do so, because it would “look so funny” if anybody
-should see her. But the church was a little distance back from the
-street, and there appeared to be no passers-by. She clasped her hands
-lightly around her knees, and leaned against a pillar. She had a
-feeling of daring and adventure, and yet of utter security. She was
-tired after her agitation, and the peace of the night received her,
-like the safety of a deep harbor after a tumultuous sea.
-
-In the church they sang another hymn, and then Brother Seabrook fell
-upon his sermon. His text was, “The truth shall make you free.” Julie
-could hear every word, and yet she was completely detached. She
-sat there sheltered from view, a very still little woman, with the
-congregation just at her back, Brother Seabrook’s discourse pouring out
-through the half-open door, and the night all about her, as though she
-were an invisible soul swung between two worlds. Sometimes she listened
-to the sermon, sometimes she merely let the stream of it flow by her
-without bestirring her mind to detain the flotsam and jetsam of ideas.
-
-The wraith of a cloud sailed very softly through the sky, trailing
-behind it a long wisp of vapor. It passed across the stars and was
-gone. It was immensely tranquilizing. What did all the little hot
-things of the world matter? Julie had half a mind to go back again into
-church now and dare whatever might happen. But at the thought her heart
-stirred and fluttered again. So she did not move, but continued to sit
-there in the oasis of peace to which she had come. Her eyes were fixed
-upon the infinite depth of the sky, piercing deeper and deeper into it,
-until at last it seemed to her as though she were up there above the
-hills, just below the pattern of stars.
-
-Suddenly, however, she was jerked violently to earth. Her name was
-being spoken. She froze into a listening terror. Brother Seabrook’s
-sermon had come to an end, and his voice resounded through the open
-door: “I will ask Sister Julie Rose to offer the closing prayer,” it
-said.
-
-Snatched back from the sky, Julie’s clasped hands flew spasmodically
-up against her breast. Very stiffly she turned and peered over her
-shoulder. It seemed to her that Brother Seabrook’s eyes must be staring
-straight at her, but she was still alone, still safely hidden from the
-congregation.
-
-“Sister, will you please lead us?” the voice insisted. A pause
-followed, then the voice came again--“I thought I saw Sister Rose. Is
-she not among us?” it demanded.
-
-Very stiffly and silently Julie arose, and tiptoeing down the steps,
-fled away in a panic toward the safety of her own home. Hastening
-desperately through the streets, in a few breathless moments she
-reached the haven of her own back door. With hands that shook, she
-inserted her key, and whisking inside, slammed the door and locked it.
-
-Safe within the shelter of her own home, her own roof to cover her and
-her door fast locked against the outside world, she leaned against the
-wall and panted. “Oh, you fool! You awful little fool!” she cried in
-passionate self-contempt. “But--but I reckon I oughtn’t to say ‘fool,’”
-she faltered.
-
-After a moment, she moved over and turned on the light, and then
-snapped it off again and stood uncertainly in the dark. She was
-dreadfully afraid some members of the congregation might stop to
-question her about her strange disappearance; but if her house was in
-darkness, they would conclude that she had gone to bed.
-
-This was a vain hope, however. She had not been home very long, sitting
-cowering in the dark, when a sudden knock came, and a voice cried,
-“Julie--Aw, Julie!”
-
-Julie waited a hesitant moment, but the voice came again and the knock
-insisted. It was Mrs. Sam Wicket. When she called, people had to answer
-and doors had to open. With fingers that were still tremulous, Julie
-turned the key. Three faces peered in at her, sharp with inquiry, in
-the flare of electricity that Julie turned on again. Mrs. Wicket had in
-tow her old aunt, Mrs. Stover, and Miss Mary Humphries also. It was a
-delegation of inquiry.
-
-“Well,” Mrs. Wicket announced. “I didn’t b’lieve you’d gone to bed this
-early.”
-
-“Walk in,” Julie said, with dutiful hospitality, which was superfluous,
-for, headed by Mrs. Wicket, the three were already trooping through to
-the sitting-room.
-
-“Here, I can’t see a thing. Where’s that hateful button? There, now!”
-Mrs. Wicket flooded the neat little room with light. “Now, then, Julie,
-we stopped by to see what was the matter with you,” she announced.
-She was a thin woman, with dark and snappy eyes, very precise in her
-brown dress, to which there was not a superfluous ruffle, as there was
-not an extra ounce of flesh on her spare body. “No’m, thank you, I
-always prefer a stiff-backed chair; you take the rocker yourself,” she
-interpolated to Miss Mary Humphries.
-
-Miss Mary sat down in the patent plush rocker,--one that Julie’s father
-had bought in the old days,--and her square figure firmly established
-there and her hands clasped upon her Gospel Hymn book, she stared at
-Julie. “What made you slip away like that, Julie?” she demanded.
-
-“Was you feelin’ bad, honey?” old Mrs. Stover asked. She was a tired
-old woman whose eighty years found it hard to keep up with her niece’s
-forty-five energetic ones, but she was afraid to be left alone and so
-was forced to trail feebly in the other’s wake. She gasped now as she
-sank upon the sofa, her mouth open and tremulous, although she tried
-every now and again to shut it. But uncertain and dim as her eyes were,
-they were the only ones that held any comfort for Julie. “Was you
-sick?” she repeated.
-
-But Mrs. Wicket, who never paid any attention to what her aunt said,
-cut her short and demanded again, “What made you slip out of church
-like that, Julie?”
-
-“I--I felt kind of funny,” Julie parried, her cheeks turning red.
-
-“Mrs. Anderson said you stole out like that because you were afraid
-Brother Seabrook would call on you to pray,” Miss Humphries announced
-heavily.
-
-“Mrs. Anderson’s right hot with you, Julie, for givin’ her the slip
-like that,” Mrs. Wicket stated.
-
-Julie said nothing. She sat with tightly folded hands on her knees and
-forced herself to look straight at first one inquisitor and then the
-other, with what might appear to be an air of composure, although the
-eyes seemed to bore into her soul, and to meet them squarely caused her
-almost a physical discomfort.
-
-“Were you afraid he was going to call on you to pray, Julie?” Mrs.
-Wicket repeated all over again.
-
-“Well--well, he did,--” Julie blundered--and knew at once that she was
-lost. “That is--I--I was afraid he might,” she added, frightened into
-the truth.
-
-Mrs. Wicket’s eyes snapped wide open. “Why, Julie,” she cried. “Why,
-how on earth did you know he called on you?”
-
-But Miss Mary Humphries had been caught by the second part of Julie’s
-statement.
-
-“Why, Julie, are you really afraid to pray in public?” she demanded.
-“Why! I think that’s just awful.” Her blue eyes stared at Julie out of
-her wide heavy face.
-
-“But what I want to know is, how on earth you knew Brother Seabrook
-called on you,” Mrs. Wicket pursued. “Mrs. Anderson said you left
-before the sermon.”
-
-Miss Mary, however, was not to be thrown off her line of inquiry.
-“But, Julie! Not to be able to pray!” she expostulated. “Why, I can’t
-recollect when I couldn’t pray in public.”
-
-“But how did Julie know she was called on?” Mrs. Wicket demanded. “It
-wasn’t till after the sermon.”
-
-“In my family,” Miss Mary went on, heavily, “my father raised us up to
-pray an’ give in experience whenever called on, and--”
-
-“How did you know, Julie?”
-
-“And,” Miss Mary drove straight on, not permitting Mrs. Wicket’s
-excited interruption to throw her off the track, “and none of us ever
-did think anything of leading in prayer.”
-
-“Well, now, that’s just it,” old Mrs. Stover suddenly came to the
-surface long enough to remark. “Maybe if you’d’ve thought more of it,
-it wouldn’t’ve come so easy to you. Some folks prays easy, an’ some
-don’t. Julie, you look real tired. If I was you, I’d go right to bed,
-an’ I’ll be over in the mornin’ to see how you air.”
-
-“Oh, thank you,” Julie said, catching gratefully at the one remark that
-she dared to answer. “But I’ll not be here in the morning. I’m going to
-Red River.”
-
-This announcement served as an unexpected reprieve.
-
-“Oh, you going to Red River?” “You goin’ there in the morning?” Mrs.
-Wicket and Miss Mary exclaimed together, deflected from their other
-lines of thought.
-
-“Yes, to do some shopping,” Julie nodded. And now she relaxed a little
-inside herself, aware that the bait of Red River, which was the county
-town and a shopping centre, would distract the others for at least a
-little while.
-
-“Well, then, I certainly would be obliged if you’d do a little errand
-for me,” Mrs. Wicket said.
-
-“An’ I’ll get you to attend to a little business of mine, too,” Miss
-Mary added.
-
-“I’ll be real glad to do it,” Julie said, eagerly.
-
-Mrs. Wicket and Miss Mary proceeded at once to give her minute
-directions for the carrying out of their desires, and Julie listened,
-assenting and suggesting with the nervous ingratiation of a little dog,
-which, having escaped a whipping, hopes to reinstate itself once more
-in society.
-
-Having laid their shopping burdens on Julie’s shoulders, the visitors
-rose at last to go.
-
-“Now, Julie,” Miss Mary charged, “don’t you go and let that smart
-clerk in at Randal’s persuade you into buying any of that cheap piece
-of goods. It ain’t the shade I want, and if they ain’t got anything
-better, I’ll have to send off for it myself.”
-
-“And remember to see Mr. Winter himself in at Winter and White’s,” Mrs.
-Wicket admonished her.
-
-They were outside in the garden now, starting down the little pathway.
-Julie called a good-bye, and shut her door hastily. A window was open,
-however, and halfway down the path she heard Mrs. Wicket exclaim, “Why,
-there now! We never did find out how Julie knew Brother Seabrook called
-on her.”
-
-“It’s awful, her being afraid to pray,” Miss Mary rejoined. “I ought to
-go back an’ speak to her about it.”
-
-Here Julie snapped out the light.
-
-“There!” she heard old Mrs. Stover announce. “She’s goin’ to bed, like
-I told her to!”
-
-“Well, it certainly was mighty funny, but I’ll find out all about it
-to-morrow,” Mrs. Wicket said, as their heels clicked away down the
-cement walk; and Julie knew that her having sat upon the church steps
-would yet have to be faced and explained.
-
-“Oh, I _am_ such an idiot!” she broke out. And now the nervous tears
-rushed forth, and she went about her preparations for bed, shaking
-convulsively, wiping them away, and raging at herself. “You idiot!
-You idiot!” she stormed. Even after the light was out and she was
-stretched in bed, the devils of self-hatred continued to tear through
-her. She tossed unhappily from one side to the other, going over and
-over the whole miserable evening. Why had she run away? Why hadn’t she
-stayed and faced it out? Oh, but she couldn’t pray--she just couldn’t!
-Well then, if she had to go, why hadn’t she come straight home, instead
-of lingering there on the steps? Of course that was a strange thing to
-do. Of course people would think it funny if they knew. And they would
-know. Mrs. Wicket would be sure to find it out, and sure to tell. Julie
-writhed all through her thin body.
-
-“Oh, you little fool!” she gasped. “What business is it of Mrs.
-Wicket’s what you do? Why can’t you stand up to her and make her mind
-her own affairs! Everybody comes an’ bosses you. Mrs. Anderson gave the
-little bird to the cat, and Mrs. Wicket and Miss Mary poking into all
-you do, an’ you takin’ everything from ’em just because you’re scared
-to look ’em in the face. Oh, you fool--you fool!--But I mustn’t go on
-saying ‘fool’!” she wept.
-
-Her shyness, her reserve, and morbid self-consciousness wrapped
-themselves about her, as intangible as spider webs, but as difficult
-to break as forged iron. As the night wore on, her having sat upon the
-church steps assumed an enormity out of all proportion to the fact. She
-knew that this was an obsession, but all alone in the depths of her
-self-distrust and sleeplessness, she could not break free from it.
-
-“Oh, what a fool I am to take things so hard!” she panted. “Now
-everybody’ll know I’m afraid to pray in public. There won’t be one
-person that goes to the Methodist church that won’t know it. Oh, you
-silly idiot! Oh, how I hate you!” In a culminating burst of rage, she
-turned over and set her teeth violently into her thin arm.
-
-The hours writhed away at last, and just before dawn she fell asleep,
-but, even then she was not delivered. In her dreams she herself became
-horribly confused with the little chimney-swallow, and Mrs. Anderson,
-in the shape of Blackie the cat, pounced upon her.
-
-There was another cat also--this one with two heads; one head had the
-snapping eyes of Mrs. Wicket, and the other the broad and stupid face
-of Miss Mary Humphries. They gazed on her, and she heard them making a
-dreadful play on words.
-
-“She can’t pray,” said the Miss Mary Humphries’ head.
-
-“If she can’t pray, she’s my prey,” said the Mrs. Anderson cat, and
-opened her mouth. Julie saw the jaws, she saw the teeth, she saw the
-red tongue curled back. In a moment everything else disappeared. In
-all the world there was nothing but herself that was a little naked
-bird, and that gaping mouth descending upon her. Closer and closer it
-came, the tongue curled back, the white teeth in rows. It closed upon
-her, and she shrieked, only she did not shriek in her own woman’s voice
-but rather in that last agony that the fledgling emitted when Blackie
-pounced.
-
-With a violent start, she awoke. It was early daylight and she was in
-her own bed; but the dream was still upon her, and for a moment she
-could not shake it off. It seemed as though somewhere in her sleep she
-had doffed her humanity and for a moment had entered into and known the
-agony of the captured bird, as though that agony were a real thing,
-detached and tangible, left alive to blow about through the world and
-fasten darkly upon any wayfarers of sleep. On the edge of waking, Julie
-found the tears in her eyes. “Poor little bird! Poor little thing!”
-she cried pitifully.
-
-Then she came to herself. The mystery of sleep withdrew, she slipped
-back into her own personality, and knew that it was time for her to get
-ready for her day in Red River.
-
-
-
-
-IV
-
-
-When Julie reached the station to take her train for Red River, she
-found herself the only passenger from Hart’s Run. A couple of traveling
-men, strangers to her, were walking up and down the platform in the
-fresh morning air, pulling at their cigars, evidently content and
-well-breakfasted by the hospitality of the Monroe House in the village.
-The station master was also there. He was Edward Black, the same bully
-who had torn Julie’s doll to pieces so long ago. He had grown into a
-stout and flabby man, with small eyes set in so large an expanse of
-face that one inevitably thought of his cheeks as jowls. He greeted her
-with “Mornin’, Julie, goin’ away on Number Twelve?”
-
-“Just to Red River for the day,” she answered. “I hope Twelve’s on
-time.”
-
-“Hope’s cheap,” Edward retorted. It was his custom not to give away
-information in regard to the trains too easily. He liked to keep the
-superior knowledge that his post gave him for the gratification of his
-own vanity.
-
-Julie would have liked to slip away unnoticed into the station, but she
-also wanted very much to know whether or not the train was on time, for
-if it were hours late--as it sometimes was--she would not be able to
-do much shopping in Red River, and so would put off her trip until the
-next day. Therefore she mustered courage to put the question direct,
-although she had a painfully acute inner remembrance of how very
-forlorn her face had looked in the mirror that morning.
-
-“Is--is Twelve on time?” she asked.
-
-“Is--is Twelve on time,” he mimicked, and turned to wink at the near-by
-drummers. But it was a wink misplaced. One of the men, who had been
-teetering gayly up and down on the precarious footing of the iron
-track, in sheer exuberance of health and the fine morning, turned a
-sudden flaming red, and removed the cigar abruptly from his mouth.
-
-“The lady’s asked you if the train’s on time. You’re here to tell her!”
-he blazed.
-
-In sulky surprise, Edward Black attempted to turn away as though called
-by important business elsewhere, but the drummer came a stride nearer,
-and curled his fists.
-
-“Tell her!” he commanded.
-
-“Yes, it’s on time,” Edward answered and made a sullen escape.
-
-The drummer turned to Julie, and swept off his hat. “Lady, your train’s
-on time,” he announced.
-
-“Oh--oh, thank you!” Julie faltered, and retreated into the station in
-an agony of embarrassment.
-
-As she fled, she heard the drummer comment to his friend, “Oh, Lord,
-how I do hate that kind of a fat bully! I hope to heavens if I ever get
-to France all the Germans’ll look just like him. If they do, I’ll not
-have any trouble at all stickin’ bayonets into ’em.”
-
-Julie knew that the words were perfectly audible to Edward Black and
-that he would not fail to pay her back for them. She still had her
-ticket to buy, and when he opened the ticket window she approached in
-apprehension. They were alone in the station.
-
-“Say, Julie, I got a joke on you,” he jeered. “Say, I know how you go
-to prayer meetin’.”
-
-The color rushed into Julie’s face.
-
-“Say,” he pursued, watching her from under the drooped lids of his pig
-eyes, “What was you doin’ sittin’ out on the church steps last night,
-when everybody else was inside?”
-
-So Edward Black, of all people, had seen her!
-
-“Nothing--it wasn’t anything,” she stumbled, knowing that her voice
-sounded frightened, and that her cheeks were blazing.
-
-“Oh, yes, it was nothin’! Nothin’ be dogged! Folks don’t turn red like
-that over nothin’. Well, I’m goin’ to tell people how Julie Rose goes
-to prayer-meeting!”
-
-But here Number Twelve whistled down the line--a clear burst of sound,
-cutting joyously through the air. Edward Black had to supply Julie with
-her ticket, and so she was delivered.
-
-It was on her way back from Red River that Julie first saw Timothy
-Bixby.
-
-The shopping trips to Red River were always occasions of discomfort to
-Julie. It was unnerving to her to be shaken out of her accustomed rut
-of Hart’s Run. Out in the unfamiliar streets of the larger town, she
-always felt strange and dreadfully conspicuous. Henr’etta Crossman, who
-had been Henr’etta Wilkinson, Julie’s schoolmate in Hart’s Run, and
-with whom Julie generally took dinner when she came to Red River, was
-apt to call jovial attention to Julie’s unhappy self-consciousness.
-“Come right in to its momma,” she would greet Julie, enfolding her
-against her large bosom. “Nothing didn’t bite you comin’ up street, did
-it!”
-
-A day in Red River spent in Henr’etta’s society left Julie limp,
-crushed by the other’s exuberant self-confidence, with all the delicate
-antennæ of her personality brushed aside, as a butterfly’s wing is
-brushed by a too rough touch.
-
-The day in question was no exception. Indeed, after her wretched night,
-Julie was more than ever drained of all vitality when she boarded the
-afternoon train for Hart’s Run, squeezing herself and her bundles down
-into a seat beside a fat woman with a bulging suit-case. “Henr’etta
-certainly is kind,” she told herself wearily, “but someway, being
-with her always makes me feel mighty small, she’s so big and sure of
-herself. And Red River, too, it always makes me feel like I was out
-naked in the world. Why,” she thought suddenly, “that’s just what Mrs.
-Anderson said. She said I was pretty nigh as naked as that little bird,
-and it’s just the truth!”
-
-Halfway down, all the seats on one side of the car were given over to
-a detachment of men in khaki. They laughed and joked uproariously and
-burst occasionally into war songs--“We won’t be back ’til it’s over,
-over there,” and “Keep the home fires burning.” Men in khaki were new
-and strange phenomena in Julie’s part of the world, and she looked at
-them curiously. But she was so weary that even they could not engage
-her interest for long, and closing her eyes, she let herself relax. She
-could feel the big warm body of the woman beside her heave up and down
-with each breath. The train was stuffy and hot, filled with disheveled
-people and fretful children, and over all hung the smell of smoke and
-cinders and peeled oranges; presently with closed eyes she went almost
-to sleep in the weary atmosphere. The gray roar of the train pulsed in
-her ears, making a swaying background of sound before which fantastic
-thoughts on the verge of dreams spread themselves out. Suddenly,
-however, against that curtain of sound a woman’s sharp voice detached
-itself from the other noises and hung for a moment before Julie’s
-consciousness, as distinct as words on a motion-picture screen.
-
-“Yes, it is in there,” the voice said. “It is, too! I put it there
-myself just a while back!”
-
-Julie opened her eyes, and looking in the direction of the voice saw
-Timothy Bixby for the first time. He was one seat ahead of her across
-the aisle so that she had a clear view of him, a meagre little man,
-fumbling anxiously through the contents of a suit-case, while a woman
-in the same seat, her head against a pillow, watched him angrily. It
-was the woman’s voice that had aroused Julie.
-
-“It _is_ there, too!” she repeated. “Oh, why in the name of common
-sense can’t you ever find anything? Here--get out of the way!”
-
-She shoved the man aside, and stooping an instant, fished in the
-suit-case, bringing to light a collapsible drinking-cup.
-
-“There! I told you it was there right along,” she announced, flouncing
-back into her seat. “Now for mercy sake get me that water, so’s I can
-take a tablet--my head’s just about to split open.”
-
-The little man took the cup in submissive silence and went forward to
-the water cooler. Julie watched him go down the aisle. He had sandy
-hair, and meek, rather drooping shoulders. His progress was zigzag, as
-he clutched the back of first one seat and then another, tossed from
-side to side by the speed of the train, which on a down grade now was
-making up lost time. When, after filling the cup, he turned about, she
-had a good view of him. He was about thirty years old, with a small
-spare frame, deprecatory movements, and an anxious frown between his
-blue eyes. He seemed to be trying desperately hard to cope with life,
-with a kind of worried patience. But life was against him. Halfway down
-the car, a small peripatetic child got in his way, and a lurch from the
-train made him spill the water over its frock.
-
-“Aw--oh!” he cried, a little ejaculation of dismay, and turned
-helplessly and unhappily to the mother.
-
-“I certainly am sorry, marm,” he apologized, while he fumbled for his
-handkerchief to wipe the child’s frock. The mother paid no attention
-whatever to him, but snatching her child to her, removed the small
-spill of water as though her offspring had been marked by it for life.
-He repeated, “I’m mighty sorry,” and continued to stand helplessly
-by, but the woman would not give him even a glance of comfort or
-forgiveness, so after another uncertain moment he went back for fresh
-water. As he turned after refilling the cup and again came down the
-aisle, he was forced to meet the eyes of all the passengers. The small
-disaster had called momentary attention to him, marking him as it were
-with an exclamation point, and everybody was staring. The soldiers
-seized upon him as a butt for their wit.
-
-“Now then, George, steady! Whoa--up! Steady!”
-
-“Mind how you carry yer licker, son!”
-
-“Atta boy!”
-
-He advanced with averted eyes, apparently intent upon the cup, but
-Julie could see the flush of painful color in his face. The soldiers
-saw it too and jeered with renewed “Atta boy’s.” Julie knew exactly how
-he felt. All at once, she knew it so hard, so violently, that suddenly
-she seemed flowing out of herself to him with a sharp projection
-of sympathy. He felt her eyes upon him, and just as he reached his
-seat, looked up with a startled expression. There was a momentary
-rush of contact between them, close, astonishing, almost suffocating
-to Julie. An instant they were held in each other’s glance. Then he
-turned away, and handed the cup to his companion. The woman accepted it
-ungraciously, and putting a white tablet into her mouth, gulped it down
-with a swallow of water.
-
-“I never did see anybody as awkward as you,” she said. “Spilling water
-all over that child! Now for gracious sake, keep still an’ let me be
-quiet a spell, and see ’f this tablet won’t help my headache some.”
-
-He said nothing, but readjusted her pillow for her, restored the
-drinking-cup to the bag, and pushed the latter well over to his side to
-make more room for her, although he was himself uncomfortably squeezed,
-doing it all with that air of worried endeavor, as though Fate had
-presented him with a portion of life bigger than he could manage.
-He had also, Julie observed, a detached manner, a little as though
-his whole self were not present. It was this aloofness that made her
-comment inwardly, “Well, he certainly is good to that hateful sister
-of his.” True, the woman did not look like his sister, but she could
-not be his wife; surely, she thought, he would have had something
-different, a fuller, more alive personality, to offer to his mate.
-
-After the suit-case was closed, he looked around again at Julie, but
-she averted her eyes now, staring away out of the window, and would not
-let herself glance again at him until the train was nearing Hart’s Run,
-when she straightened up, and began to gather her bundles together.
-Then she looked across the aisle, and saw that he and his companion
-were also making preparations to leave the train. Their suit-case
-was strapped; the woman had tidied herself up and put on her hat,
-presenting now an appearance completely in accord with the prevailing
-style; and when the conductor put his head into the train and shouted
-“Hart’s Run, Hart’s Run,” they rose and moved out into the aisle.
-Julie was just behind them as they approached the door. “Well, here we
-are,” the man said, and both he and his companion stooped down to peer
-through the windows at Hart’s Run, evidently seeing it for the first
-time.
-
-“Well, ain’t it the awfulest little hole!” the woman ejaculated.
-
-“Oh, maybe it won’t be so bad,” he offered.
-
-By now they had all three moved out to the platform, waiting for the
-train to come to a standstill, as the dingy little station slid to meet
-them.
-
-“Maybe! maybe!” she snorted. “I’m about sick of maybe’s! You’ve been
-maybe-ing all your life. I just bet before you were born somebody said,
-‘Maybe it’ll be a boy,’ an’ that’s just what you are--a kind of a maybe
-man.” She ended with a burst of laughter, pleased by her own wit.
-
-He made no retort, but Julie, who was standing close beside him now,
-saw him wince, saw his lips twitch, and his hands tighten spasmodically
-on the suit-case. For a moment he looked wildly about like a trapped
-animal seeking escape. As he did so his eyes came full upon Julie’s
-face. There was such a look of desperation, of trapped and impotent
-despair in them, that a surge of rage leaped within, sweeping her
-beyond all the small proprieties, so that she found herself whispering
-breathlessly behind the woman’s back, “Oh, don’t mind, don’t mind so! I
-understand--I understand!”
-
-He stared at her a startled, incredulous moment, the color coming up
-in his face in flood after flood.
-
-The train jerked to a standstill. They were flung together unsteadily
-for an instant, and then descended the steps.
-
-Julie did not linger. She did not look again at the little man, but
-stepping past him and his companion, walked quickly along the station
-platform. Her arms were full of bundles, but she was hardly conscious
-of them, nor of her feet moving over the boards; the gust of her
-rage blew her along with a sense of speed and lightness, almost as
-though she were flying. It was glorious. It lifted her above herself.
-It set her free. At that moment she was released from all the small
-constrictions of her life, she was beyond fear of anything, or of any
-person. Walking thus down the platform she encountered Edward Black. He
-blocked her way with his great hectoring swagger.
-
-“Oh, I know somep’n, I know somep’n,” he sang.
-
-Julie stopped. She was so angry that her eyes glittered, and a flame
-seemed to dart out of her white face.
-
-“What do you know?” she demanded.
-
-Edward was surprised and disconcerted. This was not the frightened
-response he expected from his victim. “Oh, well, never mind,” he
-muttered, and started to turn away, but Julie stepped quickly after him.
-
-“What do you know?” she repeated furiously.
-
-Again he backed away a step or two. It seemed to him that this enraged
-little woman might fly at his throat.
-
-“Aw, I was just foolin’, Julie,” he said weakly.
-
-“You saw me sitting out on the church steps last night,” Julie stated
-clearly and concisely. “Now, what of it?”
-
-“Nothing, Julie, nothing,” he repeated, still retreating sheepishly
-before her, and uneasily aware that they were attracting attention from
-the small group of station loafers. But Julie was swept above herself.
-What people thought, or what they said was a thing beneath her feet
-now. She did not even hear one of the loafers call out, “That’s right.
-Miss Julie! Don’t take any foolishness off’n Ed! You got him on the run
-now. Keep it up!”
-
-“I sat out on the steps because I wanted to,” she continued fiercely.
-“And what I do is no concern of yours, nor of anybody else’s.”
-
-Edward Black fell away without another word, and Julie continued her
-progress, still blown along by the gust of her rage. Presently she met
-Bessie Randolph, who was the wife of Silas Randolph, the president of
-the bank, a very important person in Hart’s Run.
-
-“See that couple there,” Mrs. Randolph said, joining Julie and pointing
-out the small man and his companion, who had been met by Wilson McLane,
-editor of the _Hart’s Run News_. “The man must be the new printer for
-the _News_. Mr. McLane told me he was expecting him by this train. That
-must be his wife with him.”
-
-“No, it’s his sister,” Julie corrected positively. She was not in the
-habit of contradicting.
-
-“Oh, then you’re acquainted with them?” the other challenged.
-
-“I never saw them before, but I noticed them on the train, and I know
-she’s his sister.”
-
-“Well, they don’t either of them look like much,” Mrs. Randolph said
-with a careless dismissal. “Come on Julie, I’ll ride you home; my car’s
-right here.”
-
-“I thank you,” Julie responded. “But I reckon I’ll walk.”
-
-Mrs. Randolph stared at her. People did not often so lightly refuse her
-condescension.
-
-“You better ride with all those bundles,” she urged.
-
-“No--no thank you. I want the walk,” Julie answered. “And besides, I
-don’t like automobiles. It scares me to ride in them.”
-
-For years Julie had been afraid of motors and for years she had tried
-to conceal the fact. This was the first time that she had ever dared to
-acknowledge it, much less to refuse an invitation from the elegant Mrs.
-Randolph. But now she gave a little indifferent bow of refusal, and
-went upon her way, still blown along by the gust of her anger, as she
-saw again in remembrance the incident on the train platform.
-
-“That _hateful_ woman!” she stormed to herself, the sneer on the
-woman’s face when she had called her companion a “maybe man” still
-sharp before her mental vision. “The hateful piece!” She found she was
-repeating over and over: “I know. I understand. I know. Oh, _don’t_
-take it so hard! I know how hateful folks are!--He’s as unfeathered
-as I am,” she whispered to herself. “Things get at him just like they
-do me, an’ he don’t know any better how to stand up against them. I
-understand. I know how it is.--Well, anyhow,” she exulted, “I settled
-that hateful Ed Black for once! Always picking on me. Tore my paper
-doll up. Tramped on my cookie. Thought he could keep on bullyin’ me
-forever, but I settled _him_ all right!” The careful speech her mother
-had trained her to had slipped now, and she was reverting to the
-mountain phraseology.
-
-“Julie! Oh, Julie, wait just a minute--I want to ask you about that
-crêpe waist of mine.” It was one of Julie’s customers calling to her
-from a porch. People were in the habit of stopping Julie as she passed
-along the street, no matter in how much haste she might be, to have
-her advice about old and decrepit clothes. Although she resented this,
-Julie usually meekly responded--but not this time.
-
-“Bring your waist into the shop in the morning, and I’ll attend to it,”
-she called back, continuing upon her way.
-
-She reached home, and unlocking her door, went into her bedroom, then
-depositing her bundles, removed her hat before the mirror. The face
-that looked at her was flushed and alive and recreated. It was not at
-all the haunted and forlorn little countenance that the glass had given
-back in the morning. Julie lingered a moment, staring at herself and
-wondering. She was interrupted by Mrs. Sam Wicket who entered after a
-preliminary knock.
-
-“You back, Julie?” she said. And after Julie had stated that she was
-back, “Did you speak to Winter and White’s about the stove?” she
-inquired.
-
-“I did,” Julie returned, “and they’ll write to you about it.”
-
-“Humph! Writin’ ain’t much good. Well, did you do that other little
-errand for me? I ain’t got a second to stop; my light bread’s ready to
-come out of the oven right this minute.”
-
-Julie fished out her especial package from the pile on the bed, and
-handed it over to her.
-
-“Well, I certainly do thank you for all your trouble,” Mrs. Wicket
-said, and was just turning away, when she paused, struck by a further
-thought. “Oh, there!” she exclaimed. “What I wanted to ask you last
-night was, how you knew Brother Seabrook called on you to pray?”
-
-“I was sitting just outside on the steps and heard him,” Julie returned
-simply, looking straight at her.
-
-“You--you was sitting on the steps?”
-
-“Yes,” Julie proceeded. “I slipped out because I was afraid to be
-called on, and after I got outside it was all so sweet and still, I
-just sat down there for a little bit, till I heard him ask me to lead,
-an’ then I came home.”
-
-“Well!” Mrs. Wicket ejaculated. She was speechless a moment. Then she
-burst out. “Well, I think that was the funniest thing!”
-
-“Maybe it was,” Julie interrupted her, “but anyhow I did it.”
-
-“But Julie! Sitting outside on the church steps ’cause you’re afraid to
-pray?”
-
-“Did you say your bread was in the oven?” Julie inquired.
-
-“Yes, my bread-rolls; yes, that’s right. I got to go.” Mrs. Wicket
-turned away. “But I do think that’s mighty funny, Julie,” she called
-back as she went down the walk.
-
-Julie shut her door and sat down in a chair. Suddenly she was
-extraordinarily limp and exhausted. Her anger with its glorious
-exaltation had evaporated, leaving her face to face with the appalling
-things to which it had swept her.
-
-“Why, I told her--I just told her everything right out!” she whispered.
-“She’ll tell everybody; they’ll all be talking about it now. An’ I was
-short to Mrs. Silas Randolph, of all people! And look how I answered
-Kitty Jeffers about her waist. They won’t either of ’em like it.
-They’ll all be talking about me.” Then her relaxed mind gave back to
-her--what she had not noticed at the time--the words of encouragement
-the loafer at the station had cried to her: “That’s right, Julie;
-don’t take any foolishness off’n Ed! You got him goin’ now!” Why--how
-awful! Right out there on the station platform! How awful for her to
-have laid herself open to such conspicuousness! She shuddered, all her
-nerves tightening once more with self-consciousness, and her cheeks
-burning. “Oh, what a fool you are! Oh, how they’ll talk about you! They
-won’t any of ’em understand!” Glancing up, she saw her face again in
-the mirror, and now it was the same white and anxious reflection that
-had looked out at her in the morning. Something in its impotent appeal
-brought back the look of unprotected despair in the face of the little
-man on the train. “Oh, I understand, I do understand,” she burst out
-passionately. “Don’t look that way, _don’t_ take it so hard! Folks
-don’t understand, but I do!” And she hardly knew whether her words were
-addressed to his tragedy or to her own.
-
-
-
-
-V
-
-
-It was two days afterward that Julie saw Mr. Bixby again. She knew his
-name now. The _Hart’s Run News_ had announced that Mr. Timothy Bixby,
-an expert printer and typesetter, had accepted the position left vacant
-by the departure of Hobson Jones, who had left for Camp Lee to answer
-his call to the colors. The _News_ added further, “We are glad to
-welcome Mr. and Mrs. Bixby to our midst.”
-
-So that woman was his wife after all.
-
-Their next meeting occurred when Mr. Bixby made his way to Julie’s
-little shop, sent by his wife to match some pink yarn for a sweater
-she was knitting. It was just like her, Julie thought, to be knitting
-a sweater for herself when all the rest of the women were at work on
-khaki wool for the soldiers. And like her, too, to send her husband,
-because she was ashamed to ask for it herself. Julie had time to
-think of these things because she was busy at the hat counter with a
-customer, and so had to let Maida Watkins, who sometimes helped her
-out in the shop, wait on Mr. Bixby.
-
-“_Pink_ wool?” Maida demanded sharply, her cold young eyes piercing
-him, and her teeth snapping together on her chewing-gum. Maida had been
-expressing superiority, leisure, and indifference, as she stood behind
-the counter, ruminating slowly upon her gum, the while she patted her
-blond hair from time to time, or examined her polished nails; but when
-Mr. Bixby entered, and holding out the sample made his timid request,
-she shot “_Pink_ wool” at him, and clenched her teeth so tight on her
-gum that the muscles stood out on either side of her jaws. The color
-swept up uncomfortably to his eyes, making his face look blurred and
-helpless.
-
-“Yes, marm, if you please, marm: to match this sample if you got it,”
-he stammered.
-
-“No, we ain’t got it,” Maida returned, not even deigning to glance at
-the wisp of yarn he proffered. “It’s only pro-Germans would keep pink
-wool these days,” she informed him. After which she returned to her
-haughty mastication, staring away out of the window over his head.
-
-It was here that Julie abruptly laid down the hat she had been
-displaying and swept forward. She was animated by the same rage that
-had assailed her before. As she passed Maida she glared at her. “Show
-Miss Jenkins that sport hat,” she commanded; and Maida with a startled
-and indignant toss of her blond puffs melted away to the obscurity of
-the hat counter.
-
-Julie reached the open door just as Mr. Bixby was starting out of it.
-
-“I’m mighty sorry I haven’t got what you want, Mr. Bixby,” she said. “I
-hope you’ll call again.”
-
-At her words he turned, and there was a sudden leap of surprise, of
-recognition, and of release in his eyes. For an instant they stood and
-looked at one another, the storm-tossed personalities of each finding
-a harbor and refuge in the being of the other. He spoke first. “I--I
-didn’t know,” he stumbled. “Is this your shop?”
-
-She nodded. “Yes, I live here.”
-
-But now she knew that Maida was turning to ask her something about
-the hat she held, and she hastily snatched up the momentarily dropped
-mantle of conventionality.
-
-“I’m mighty sorry we haven’t any pink wool, Mr. Bixby,” she repeated,
-although she was aware that Maida was regarding her with outraged
-contempt.
-
-He replied with a sudden surprising twist of whimsicality, an
-unexpected twinkle in his blue eyes.
-
-“Oh, well,” he appealed, “ain’t it just like me to ask for pink wool a
-war year? Ain’t it just the ornary kind of thing I would do?”
-
-He spoke as though she knew him quite well, and would understand
-perfectly all the small disasters to which he was prone.
-
-“Oh, well,” she said, still offering consolation, “Of course, a man
-couldn’t be expected to know how hard it is to get any kind of wool
-these days. Why, the Red Cross Committee has even sent over to Winter’s
-Gap to see if they can’t get some homespun. Winter’s Gap is in the back
-part of the county away from the railroad, where some of the old folks
-still spin,” she explained.
-
-“Is that so?” he said with interest. People were not usually interested
-in Julie’s small remarks. “Well, I reckon I must be going,” he added,
-conscious now of Maida’s severe eyes upon them. He made an uncertain
-gesture toward his hat and turned away. As he raised his arm, Julie
-caught sight of a rip in his sleeve.
-
-“I don’t see why in the name of goodness that woman can’t keep him
-mended up!” her thoughts ejaculated angrily.
-
-
-
-
-VI
-
-
-The following Sunday after service, Julie was formally presented to Mr.
-and Mrs. Bixby.
-
-She had gone to church in an agony of apprehension. Would Brother
-Seabrook call on her again to pray? Or did he know now that she was
-afraid? And did everybody else know? The thought made her feel like an
-outcast, yet she was so terrified that she would have liked to go to
-Brother Seabrook before church and beg him not to call upon her. She
-pictured herself doing it; she even made up in her mind the words with
-which to clothe her request; but in the end she could not bring herself
-to do it. Instead, she went late and slipped into a back pew. He did
-not call upon her, but all through the service she suffered an agony of
-dread, and when it was over, and she rose with the rest to leave, she
-felt as though every eye was fixed on her in contempt.
-
-Outside the church she encountered a little group of people who were
-being introduced to Mr. and Mrs. Bixby. Mrs. Sam Wicket had taken
-upon herself the responsibility of presenting the strangers to the
-congregation.
-
-“Miss Rose, make you acquainted with Mis’ Bixby,” she said, catching
-Julie by the arm as she came down the steps, and holding her firmly
-before the other, as though she might otherwise escape.
-
-“Miss Rose, pleased to meet you,” the newcomer said; and Julie found
-herself looking up into the face of Elizabeth Bixby, while their hands
-touched for a moment.
-
-Dressed for her first public appearance in Hart’s Run, Mrs. Bixby
-was at once more amiable and more overpowering than the cross and
-disheveled woman whom Julie had seen on the train. An exotic perfume
-new to the village hung about her. Her green silk dress shimmered in
-the sun, her feet were squeezed into high-heeled pumps with flashing
-buckles, while from her ears big green hoops depended, accentuating the
-breadth and bold commonness of her face, and shaking and gleaming as
-she turned her head from side to side. She was much taller than Julie,
-so that she had to look down at her.
-
-“I recollect seeing you on the train, the day we got here,” she
-announced.
-
-“And that’s Mr. Bixby,” Mrs. Wicket added--rather as an afterthought.
-
-Julie turned and looked into Timothy Bixby’s face as their hands came
-together for the first time. His was cold from shyness, and Julie knew
-that hers must feel the same way. Neither of them spoke.
-
-“You must excuse my husband,” Mrs. Bixby said with elaborate
-jocularity. “The cat got his tongue when he was real little, an’ he’s
-been dumb ever since.”
-
-The unhappy color suffused Mr. Bixby’s face, and letting go of Julie’s
-hand, his glance sought the ground in confusion. Then suddenly he
-raised his eyes and gazed straight at her. She saw his spirit,
-desperate and impotent, like a caged wild animal, looking out at her.
-The sight shook her once more with that familiar suffocating anger.
-
-“Oh, well,” she retorted boldly, “what people say isn’t really
-anything. It’s what they are that matters. I’m not much of a hand for
-talking myself. Maybe the same cat got my tongue.--Excuse me; I’ve got
-to go back and speak to Brother Seabrook a minute,” she added suddenly.
-
-Julie reëntered the church and went hastily along the red-carpeted
-aisle, and with every determined spring of her foot she said to
-herself, “It’s got to stop--it’s just got to stop right now. Folks have
-_got_ to let us alone.”
-
-Quickly and decisively she came straight up to Brother Seabrook and
-paused in front of him. He was busy putting some papers together,
-and everybody else had left the church. “Brother Seabrook,” she said
-clearly, “I just came back to ask you--to _tell_ you--you mustn’t call
-on me to pray.”
-
-Brother Seabrook looked down at her in surprise, his brows over his
-shoe-button eyes going up protestingly. “Why, my sister, what is this?”
-he cried. “Not call on you to pray?”
-
-“No, I can’t do it. I never could. My mother always explained to every
-new minister that I couldn’t. But she’s dead now, so I’ve got to tell
-you myself.”
-
-Her big gray eyes fringed by dark lashes looked straight up at him.
-Her cheeks were slightly flushed. Her breath came quickly, making the
-ruffles about her neck stir up and down. She was all of thirty-two, but
-Brother Seabrook was nearing fifty, and was a widower. They were alone
-in the church.
-
-He took her hand and held it in both of his large palms.
-
-“My sister, my little sister,” he said, “you must pray--all of my flock
-must pray. Couldn’t you say one little prayer for me?”
-
-Julie jerked her hand free.
-
-“If I can’t do it for the Lord, I’m not likely to be able to do it
-for you,” she retorted, and went lightly away down the church aisle
-and out into the street, leaving him to turn a dusky red and swallow
-convulsively.
-
-“There! That’s settled,” Julie said to herself, drawing a deep breath
-and aware of an enormous content and elation. Her feet moved over the
-ground with the flying swiftness that had borne her up the church
-aisle. She was conscious of a beautiful elasticity and freedom, as
-though a binding cord that had been twisted tighter and tighter to
-constriction had suddenly snapped, giving her relief and air and
-release into a beneficent world. It seemed to her she had never seen a
-day so exquisite. The sun bent over her in floods of golden calm. The
-mountains that encircled Hart’s Run, the blue sky and white drifting
-June clouds were in themselves climaxes of ecstasy, and yet they were
-more also, veilings of something hidden, enormous, and completely
-satisfying. She stood still in the street a minute and gazed up to the
-amazing blue of the sky, with the big puffs of silver clouds riding
-it. “Oh, my Lord, how beautiful that sky is!” she whispered. “And it’s
-always there,” she thought in astonishment; for it was as though she
-were seeing it for the first time. “Why,” she thought suddenly, “Why,
-it doesn’t make any difference whether I pray or don’t pray in public.
-I don’t know why I ever worried about it or about what folks would
-think. Oh, ain’t the sky beautiful!” she reiterated.
-
-She was a little behind the rest of the congregation, and as she made
-her way homeward, small knots of people were all in front of her,
-going slowly along. Julie was conscious of a very warm and friendly
-outpouring toward them, but she was in no hurry to overtake any one.
-For the moment she wanted to be alone, isolated in that enormous sense
-of freedom, which only the sky was big enough to encompass.
-
-As she approached her own house, she saw that Mr. and Mrs. Bixby were
-standing there in conversation with Mrs. Wicket. She quickened her
-pace, feeling her ankles supple and swift at each step, and came up to
-them in a little gust of eagerness.
-
-“Look at the sky,” she cried, waving her hand toward it.
-
-They all stopped talking and turned their faces up, tipping back on
-their heels, and shading their eyes.
-
-“What is it? What do you see, Julie?” Mrs. Wicket demanded.
-
-“It’s so beautiful!” Julie cried. “So blue--and those big white clouds!”
-
-“Well, for mercy sake, is _that_ all!” the other ejaculated. “Why, I
-thought it must be a flying machine.”
-
-“But it’s so beautiful!” Julie persisted, trying to draw them into her
-elation.
-
-“I don’t care for that kind of a sky,” Mrs. Bixby said languidly. “It’s
-mighty apt to bring a storm, and thunder always makes me s’ nervous.”
-
-Julie felt crushed, as though the sky were a hat which she had offered
-for sale, but which both ladies had repudiated.
-
-Mr. Bixby essayed a timid assent. “It is beautiful,” he said, cocking
-his head on one side to spy upward. “I don’t believe I ever saw it so
-blue.”
-
-“I never saw how beautiful it is,” Julie said turning to him
-involuntarily. “I’ve--I’ve--why it’s like I’d just seen it for the
-first time.”
-
-He looked at her curiously, and started to speak, but Mrs. Wicket
-interrupted.
-
-“Aw, Julie,” she said, “you’re so funny! But what I want to know is,
-what you went back to speak to Brother Seabrook about.”
-
-“I went back to tell him he mustn’t call on me to pray,” Julie replied
-simply.
-
-“You _did_? Well, I never!” Mrs. Wicket cried. “For mercy sake, Julie!
-What’d he say?”
-
-“He didn’t say much. But he won’t ever call on me again.”
-
-“Can’t you pray, Miss Rose?” Elizabeth Bixby demanded.
-
-“No. That is, sometimes I can. I did once. But just to think of it now
-makes me feel scared.”
-
-“Well, I never did hear of a person telling a preacher a thing like
-that,” Elizabeth commented heavily. “That certainly is new to me.
-Hart’s Run’s a funny little place, all right!”
-
-“That ain’t Hart’s Run,” Mrs. Wicket cried ruffling up in defense of
-her native town, “that’s just Julie’s scariness. I don’t reckon there’s
-another person in town would have had to tell Brother Seabrook such a
-thing.”
-
-“Oh, do look at the sky,” Julie pleaded, still obsessed with the idea
-that if they could only realize the enormous serene beauty overhead,
-they would understand how little it mattered whether she was afraid to
-pray or not.
-
-“Oh, for goodness sake, leave the sky alone!” Mrs. Wicket cried. “We
-ain’t got anything to do with the sky. What I want to know is how in
-the world you expect to be happy in heaven if you can’t pray. Why, I
-just know heaven’s made up of prayer and praise.”
-
-Here Mr. Bixby cut in unexpectedly with the snatch of an old negro
-spiritual:--
-
- He’ben! He’ben!
- E’vy’body talk about He’ben ain’t goin’ there!
-
-he sang.
-
-“Tim!” his wife flared up. “Now you’ll apologize right this minute to
-Mrs. Wicket for that piece of impertinence,” she commanded.
-
-The color drove into his face up to his eyes; he hesitated. But Mrs.
-Wicket, who had completely missed the significance of the words, said
-politely, “Aw, that’s all right. Mis’ Bixby. I don’t object to singin’
-on Sunday s’long as it’s hymn tunes.”
-
-At this point Aunt Sadie Johnson came out on the little stoop in front
-of her door and created a diversion.
-
-“Julie,” she said, “did you know Mr. and Mrs. Bixby was looking at my
-upstairs rooms?”
-
-Julie did not know it, and was surprised.
-
-“Well, now, this is a real nice part of town for you all to locate in,
-it’s so central,” Mrs. Wicket said.
-
-“I’m only considering them,” Elizabeth answered condescendingly. “They
-ain’t really just what I want, but they seem to be about as good as
-anything I can find in this place, so I reckon they’ll just have to do.”
-
-Julie saw Aunt Sadie flush. The words were an insult to both of them,
-for though the rooms were Mrs. Johnson’s to rent if she pleased,
-they were in Julie’s house. Mr. Bixby looked unhappy and apologetic,
-but incapable of finding any way of relieving the situation. Julie’s
-exaltation had all evaporated. She was back again in the dreadful
-constriction of her small self. She had forced a door open for a
-moment, and looked forth into a wider world roofed by an amazing sky,
-but only Mr. Bixby would look at it.
-
-Now the door was banged shut again.
-
-“Well, I must go in and lay off my things,” she said, turning away
-abruptly.
-
-Mrs. Bixby resented Julie’s not having expressed any interest over the
-possibility of having her for a tenant, and shot a taunt at her as she
-left.
-
-“Oh, how can you bear to leave that beautiful sky, Miss Rose?” she
-cried.
-
-Julie’s momentary flare of spirit was gone. She could find no power to
-retort, and turned away in silence. As she entered her door, she heard
-Mrs. Bixby comment to Mrs. Wicket, “Well, she certainly does seem to be
-a funny little thing.”
-
-“If that woman takes those rooms, if she’s right up there over my head
-all the time, I’ll--I’ll _choke_ to death!” Julie cried to herself.
-“She just stifles me so I can’t breathe! She stifles him, too.”
-
-
-
-
-VII
-
-
-All that Sunday Julie was haunted by the thought of Mr. and Mrs.
-Bixby’s taking Aunt Sadie’s furnished rooms upstairs. They would all be
-at very close quarters if they did. Julie kept the store and her three
-neat little rooms at the back. The other half of the house she rented
-to Aunt Sadie, who in turn rented out the upstairs floor as a small
-furnished apartment. Two doors, one upstairs and one down, connected
-the establishments. The one downstairs opened from Julie’s small hall
-straight into Aunt Sadie’s sitting-room. The other was at the top of
-Julie’s flight of stairs and gave on the rooms above. Neither of these
-doors had ever been locked. Julie and Aunt Sadie were in the habit of
-running unceremoniously in and out of one another’s quarters by way of
-the downstairs door, and even the upstairs one Julie had always left
-unfastened, in case the tenants above desired to come down through her
-hall and so out to the side street.
-
-Julie was seized that afternoon with a panic over that door.
-
-She was in her sitting-room, seated by the window with her church paper
-in her lap. The wind blew fitfully in, bringing her the scent of roses
-from her little plot. She wanted to go out and work around the bushes,
-but she did not think that was right on Sunday; so after drifting
-discreetly about the garden, inspecting each plant and little clump of
-blossoms, she had retired indoors, and settled herself with the _Sunday
-Record_, which she subscribed to dutifully, and which she usually held
-in her lap on Sabbath afternoons, but which she rarely read.
-
-She was half asleep over it now, when suddenly the thought of that
-unlocked door at the head of her stairs leaped in her mind, startling
-her broad awake.
-
-“Oh, my soul! That door’s unlocked,” she thought. She felt all at once
-exposed, as though some one--Elizabeth Bixby, for instance--might run
-unexpectedly in on her when she was undressed.
-
-“I got to lock it,” she breathed. “I got to lock it ’fore that woman
-moves in. She’ll be runnin’ down on me every minute if I don’t.”
-
-She ran up the stairs and slammed the door shut; but when her hand
-felt for the key, there was none in the lock. She jerked the door open
-and looked on the other side; it was not there either. “My soul! The
-key’s lost,” she cried in despair. “I got to find a key. I _got_ to
-lock that door ’fore she gets here.” She hurried downstairs, and found
-a box of odd keys; returning with them she began trying one after
-another, haste and anxiety growing upon her, and her hand so unsteady
-that the keys made a small chattering against the lock. At any moment
-she felt the stillness of the rooms might dissolve and Elizabeth
-Bixby’s crushing personality be upon her. Indeed, now she heard some
-one coming up the outside stairway. Breathlessly she peeped forth
-through the vista of rooms, and waited. But it was only Aunt Sadie’s
-familiar gray head that came into view. She pushed upon the door, and
-caught sight of Julie.
-
-“My lands! Is that you, Julie? Well, I thought I heard somebody up
-here,” she cried.
-
-“Has that woman taken the rooms?” Julie demanded.
-
-“Yes, they plan to move in, in the mornin’. _Now_ what’s scared you,
-Julie?”
-
-“I--I can’t find a key to this door,” Julie said weakly.
-
-“Well, what of that? It ain’t never been locked.”
-
-“I won’t have that Mrs. Bixby running down on me every minute,” Julie
-cried hysterically. “She’ll be in and out of the store all the time; I
-know she will. But I won’t _have_ her running down into my home place!”
-
-“Well,” Aunt Sadie said in her large and placid way, “I wouldn’t take
-it as hard as all that, but I believe you’re about right. I’m not so
-struck on the woman, myself. She’s a right airy piece. I hated to let
-her have the rooms after the way she turned up her nose at ’em. But I
-did want the money for the rent, and there really ain’t any other place
-I know of in town for them to go to, and I felt sorry for that little
-man. He’s a kind of pitiful little feller. It looks like he tries so
-hard, an’ she just snaps him off every time.”
-
-“I can’t get a key to fit,” Julie said, going on desperately with her
-attempt to lock the door.
-
-“Here, let’s see how this’ll do,” Aunt Sadie offered, taking a key
-out of the closet door of the room they were in, and trying it in the
-lock. “There now,” she said triumphantly as the key slipped into
-place, “Now you go on out your side, and I’ll lock the door, and put
-the key back in the closet here. When she comes she’ll find the door
-fastened an’ never think to try to unlock it.”
-
-Julie withdrew reluctantly. Outside she waited until she heard the key
-scrape in the lock. Then she tried the door, and being assured that it
-was really secure, she went down the steps to her own demesne, with a
-feeling of relief and safety.
-
-
-
-
-VIII
-
-
-The Bixbys moved into Aunt Sadie’s rooms the next day. The little
-apartment was already furnished, so there was not a great deal
-of moving to do: merely the carrying in of a couple of trunks, a
-phonograph, and a suit-case. The windows and doors were all open, and
-Julie down in her little shop could hear much of what went on overhead.
-She heard Elizabeth calling out sharp directions to Mr. Bixby as he
-staggered up the stairway under one of the trunks. Then he was sent off
-to buy a broom and some extra cooking-utensils. He came back presently,
-laden with all sorts of angular bundles; but he had evidently forgotten
-something, for his wife’s voice was raised in complaint. Julie could
-not often hear the exact words, and she almost never heard his answers.
-She gathered that often he did not reply at all, for every now and then
-Elizabeth would burst out, “_Answer_ me!”
-
-But at last they settled down and had dinner, after which Mr. Bixby
-went off to the office of the _Hart’s Run News_; Elizabeth did some
-ostentatious sweeping, and then the creaking tread of her footsteps
-subsided.
-
-“She’s taking a rest now,” Julie told herself. “She’ll get up after a
-little bit, and then she’ll dress herself and come down here.”
-
-It was curious how the whole morning, during all her accustomed duties
-in the shop, Julie had been aware of all that took place upstairs. The
-Bixbys’ activities ran in a disturbing undercurrent through all she
-did. She was right in supposing that Elizabeth would come down to the
-shop after she had had her nap. At about four o’clock Julie heard her
-get up, and after moving about for some time, she started down her
-outside stairs. Certain boards creaked in the floor above. And over her
-head the heavy footsteps had gone back and forth, punctuated every now
-and then by a cringing squeak.
-
-“I _must_ get those boards fixed,” Julie told herself. “I’ll go crazy
-if that keeps up. I don’t know why I never noticed them when the
-Edwardses were up there.”
-
-Realizing the impending encounter, Julie had made what defense she
-could. She had carried out to her back rooms the two extra chairs she
-usually kept in the shop, so that there was nowhere for a visitor to
-sit down, and was herself safely tucked in behind her counter, sewing,
-when Elizabeth entered.
-
-For her first visit the newcomer had made an elaborate toilet,
-consisting of a pink summer dress, white shoes, pink silk stockings, a
-string of white beads around her neck, and her face frankly made-up.
-She was rested and refreshed by her nap, and was handsome in a large
-self-confident way.
-
-She entered the shop with assurance, preceded by a wave of perfume.
-
-“Well, Miss Rose, here’s your new neighbor,” she announced. “I’ve got
-my rooms fixed at last, an’ it took some straightening, let me tell
-you! I suppose Mis’ Johnson thought she had everything clean, but poor
-old soul, I reckon she can’t see so very good. An’ now I’ve come to
-visit with you a spell.
-
-“Well,” she went on, sweeping her bold dark eyes condescendingly around
-the shop, “you got a right nice place here. I wouldn’t have looked for
-anything so nice in such a rotten little town.”
-
-Julie had gotten up as though to serve her, and stood waiting behind
-the counter, but Elizabeth waved a protesting hand. “Oh don’t mind me.
-I’ll just look about and make myself at home, and if I find anything
-I like I’ll let you know. That’s a right pretty hat--that red one.
-What’s the price of it?--Oh well,” she continued, after Julie had told
-her, “I’ll wait a while. You’ll have to put it down ’fore the season’s
-over. People ain’t payin’ much for hats a war year like this. It ain’t
-patriotic. Besides it ain’t a style that would suit everybody. But it
-looks good on me, don’t it? Red’s one of my best colors.”
-
-She put on the hat, and preened herself before Julie’s mirror. In her
-pink dress, crowned by the red hat, she made a garish flash of color,
-given back in duplicate from the mirror. Her overpowering personality
-dominated the place. Julie had been working all day and was tired.
-Glancing across, she saw her own sober little figure with its pale face
-mirrored beside Elizabeth’s pink and red. For a moment she contemplated
-the two figures side by side in sharp contrast, then she stooped to
-her sewing once more. Elizabeth saw the reflections and laughed. “We
-look kind of funny together, don’t we,” she said complacently. Then
-she moved to get a better view of herself, and Julie’s reflection was
-blotted out by her dominant pink.
-
-“You ain’t got your mirror in a very good light,” she informed Julie.
-“If I was you, I’d hang it over on that side; and I’d get a better
-one. This don’t make people look their best, an’ what you want in a
-shop like this is a glass that’ll just make people look better’n they
-ever looked in their lives before, so they’ll think, ‘My, ain’t that
-hat becomin’!’ An’ then they’ll buy the hat, an’ never know it was the
-mirror all the time. That’s the way to sell hats, dearie! Oh, I could
-show you a heap about running your shop.”
-
-Julie said nothing, but went steadily on with her sewing, her needle
-weaving deftly in and out of the soft blue material she was at work on;
-but Elizabeth was too completely wrapped up in her own atmosphere to be
-aware of the other’s unresponsiveness.
-
-“I always did know about hats,” she went on. “It seems like it’s a kind
-of a gift with me. I can always tell what kind of a hat a person ought
-to wear. Now you--you ought to wear something kind of startling to
-bring you into view. If you don’t have it, you’re the kind of mousey
-little woman that slips by without any one’s payin’ any attention. I
-looked at you on Sunday, and I says, ‘That little woman kind of needs
-something to bring her out. Now what is it?’ I says, sort of turning
-you over in my mind, like you taste cake-batter to see what it needs.
-And all at once it came to me: ‘It’s a hat,’ I says, ‘a cerise turban:
-_that_ would do the trick.’ If folks didn’t notice a thing else about
-you, they’d see that turban. You ain’t got just the color I had in
-mind,” she went on, surveying the hat counter, “but,” taking up a green
-turban, “this is kind of the shape I mean. Now if you had a piece of
-cerise silk you could fix this right over for yourself. Lemme see how
-it looks on you.”
-
-But Julie shrunk hastily away. “No, no thank you,” she said with that
-quick breathlessness that was a nervous trick with her. “No, I never
-wear cerise, and I don’t care for that shape on myself.”
-
-“Oh, all right then,” Elizabeth retorted, laying down the hat in a
-pique. “You can suit yourself. I was just trying to show you how you
-could attract a little attention. But you’re just like my husband; he
-sort of wants to slink through the world without anybody noticing him.
-I tell him a person would think he was a submarine, he’s so anxious to
-have that ‘low visibility’ the papers are always talking about these
-days. I declare, I’d like to put a cerise turban on _him_--a red hat
-like what the Popes wear in the Catholic Church. Maybe he couldn’t get
-by without folks seein’ that! ‘Look a’ here, Tim,’ I’m always sayin’ to
-him, ‘What’s the matter with you? It ain’t going to kill you if folks
-sees you. Come out into the open,’ I says. ‘You can’t hide behind _my_
-skirts all the time.’ But the more I talk at him, the more he goes in
-the ground an’ pulls the hole in after him. I declare, I think it’ll be
-a right good thing if the draft does take him.”
-
-“The draft?” Julie looked up quickly.
-
-“Mm--h’m,” Elizabeth nodded. “He’s liable to be called any time now.
-He just took this little job here while he was waiting. That’s why I
-didn’t bring any of my furniture with me. I got a nice house and a
-lot of elegant furniture in Lynchburg where we was, an’ we’ll go back
-there after the war. The paper he worked on there’s just suspended
-for a while. The editor an’ owner’s both gone to the front. Well, you
-don’t catch me stayin’ on here if Tim’s drafted. I’ll go on back to my
-own home. I got plenty of friends there. But say--_he’ll_ make a great
-soldier, won’t he? I always tell him Tim’s short for timid with him.
-You can laugh if you want. I know just how funny he always strikes
-folks.”
-
-“I--I don’t want to laugh,” Julie protested. “I--oh, I think the war’s
-awful!” she burst out. “I don’t want to laugh over any one’s going.”
-
-“Oh, well,” Elizabeth said carelessly. “I wouldn’t be s’prised if the
-war didn’t make a man out of him--the drill an’ all would be fine. But
-I tell him he’d better mind out, or he’ll be the goat of the whole
-camp.”
-
-Finding no chair to sit in, Elizabeth had been drifting about the
-shop, inspecting one showcase after another; now she came to rest at
-the counter behind which Julie was seated, and leaning nonchalantly
-against it, she did what was to Julie an amazing thing. She opened
-a gilt vanity-bag which she had been swinging, and taking from it a
-cigarette case, selected one and proceeded to light it with a knowing
-air. Julie knew, of course, that women did smoke cigarettes somewhere,
-but she had never seen them do it, much less light one in her discreet
-little shop. She was used to seeing the mountain women out in the
-country smoke pipes; indeed, her own grandmother on her father’s side
-had smoked and chewed as well. “But that’s different,” she told herself
-now. Her grandmother’s corncob pipe before a stone hearth seemed wholly
-in keeping with the old woman’s kerchief-covered head, her spinning
-wheel, her loom, and patchwork quilts. Not so Elizabeth’s insolent
-cigarette. That appeared to Julie an affront to her mother’s spirit,
-which always seemed to her still hovering dimly in the background of
-the little shop. She and her mother, living their gentle reserved
-lives there together, had made up the atmosphere, the soul, of the
-little establishment, pouring into it all the timid modesty, gentle
-propriety, and sincerity of their own hearts. They had neither of them
-had a brave or robust attitude toward life, but they had nevertheless
-woven a pattern that was adorned with a thousand tendernesses toward
-one another, with exquisite bits of understanding consideration, with
-gentle courtesies and kindnesses toward their neighbors, and with a
-careful honesty in all their dealings. Timid as they were, they yet
-had wrought an unseen mesh of life that had a delicate beauty all its
-own. And now to Julie, all that past that her mother and she had woven
-together was outraged by Elizabeth’s cigarette.
-
-“I’ve got to stop her! She shan’t smoke here in my shop. What would
-mother say?” she thought breathlessly to herself, trying to control
-the tremor that ran through her hands, so that she might set even
-stitches in her work. “I’ve _got_ to stop her! It’s my shop. She’s got
-no business to smoke here. Why, I wouldn’t let my best friend smoke
-here!” But though she protested these things to herself, Julie could
-not whip her courage up to bringing them forth in spoken words, and
-Elizabeth continued to puff out long blue columns of smoke, watching
-them with satisfaction, while with an affected gesture, she flecked
-her ashes here and there over the clean floor. She was in truth a
-little disappointed that her cigarette had provoked no comment. She
-had expected Julie at least to look startled, and was prepared to
-defend herself with condescending patronage. Julie’s silence was
-disconcerting, for Elizabeth possessed none of the spiritual antennæ
-with which to sense another’s atmosphere if unexpressed by word or
-gesture. She strolled back to the mirror, and under cover of patting
-her hair into place peeped at Julie’s reflection to see if she was
-being watched from behind her back. But Julie, whose weakness it was
-to have antennæ far too sensitive to another’s atmosphere, knew what
-Elizabeth expected, and kept her eyes resolutely upon the threading of
-her needle. It was a little defiant clash between the two women, of
-which Julie was fully aware, but which Elizabeth realized only from her
-own standpoint.
-
-At this moment Aunt Sadie Johnson bustled into the shop, and having
-none of Julie’s delicate hesitancy, exploded the hidden situation with
-a startled exclamation.
-
-“Julie,” she began, “I just ran in to see if that white ruchin’ I
-got you to order for me--Well, for the _mercy sake_!” she broke off,
-suddenly catching sight of Elizabeth. “Well, my lands!” she continued,
-staring frankly, and unafraid of drawing upon herself the full fire of
-the cigarette.
-
-It was some such violent attention as this that Elizabeth had hoped for.
-
-“What’s the matter?” she inquired in her most superior manner. “Oh,”
-feigning surprise, “my cigarette? Why surely, Mrs. Johnson, I’m not the
-first woman you’ve seen smoke.”
-
-“That you ain’t!” Aunt Sadie retorted promptly. “I’ve seen a plenty of
-’em do it.”
-
-Elizabeth was somewhat dashed, but she rallied as best she could.
-“Well,” she said, “I’m glad Hart’s Run ain’t such a back number as not
-to know that all the smart women smoke nowadays.”
-
-“Smart?” Aunt Sadie cried, and went off into billows of large mirth.
-“Well, you may call ’em smart, but I dunno’s they look so stylish to
-me. There’s old Betty Willets from off Rocky Ridge. She drives her old
-wagon an’ broken-down horse into town, to collect the swill from folks’
-backyards to take up to her hog. She’s one of our smart smokers. An’
-they all smoke up Spitzer’s Holler--an’ chew too--they’re ’bout the
-lowest-down lot of folks we have ’round here. Oh, no, you ain’t the
-first I’ve seen smoke, not by a long sight. But it does look like a
-pity for a right young woman like you to be smoking and chewin’--it’ll
-just ruin your teeth.”
-
-“Chew?” cried Elizabeth wildly. “You don’t think I chew tobacco, do
-you?”
-
-“Oh, don’t tell me!” Aunt Sadie returned. “I never saw a woman yet who
-smoked, that she didn’t chew on the sly an’ dip snuff, too. Oh, I’d be
-the last person in the world to say there was any real harm in it,” she
-went on tolerantly, “with so many of our old folks still doin’ it; it’s
-only that I always did think chewin’ an’ spittin’--”
-
-“I don’t chew!” Elizabeth cried furiously. “Of course I don’t! Who ever
-heard of such a thing? Well, I’m going,” she announced, flouncing to
-the door. “An’ I’ll say this, Miss Rose,” she added, “I don’t think
-_you’re_ any too polite either to strangers. In all the time I’ve been
-here, you’ve hardly said two words, and you haven’t so much as asked me
-to take a chair.” Angry tears leaped in her eyes, and she flung herself
-away out of the shop and up her own stairs.
-
-“Well, the poor thing,” Mrs. Johnson said. “I made her mad all right! I
-reckon it was a sin, but I just couldn’t stand her airing ’round here
-with that cigarette, an’ showings off to us moss-backs. What’d you let
-her smoke in here for, Julie? You know your mother wouldn’t have liked
-it.”
-
-“I didn’t know how to stop her,” Julie confessed helplessly.
-
-“Well, I stopped her all right!” Aunt Sadie returned, shaken again by
-large laughter. “But ain’t the world funny, Julie? Here we’ve all come
-to look down on smokin’, and feel sort of ashamed of the old women that
-still do it, when along comes all the young smart Alecks, an’ says it’s
-the thing to do, an’ if you don’t do it, it just shows you’re right
-from the backwoods. Now ain’t that funny? If you just live long enough
-in the world, you’ll see everything turned upside down! But I feel kind
-of sorry for poor Mis’ Bixby,” she added tolerantly.
-
-“_Sorry_ for her?” Julie’s eyes opened in astonishment.
-
-“Yes,” the other nodded her large gray head. “Don’t you think it’s kind
-of pitiful to see a grown person putting so much confidence in fine
-clothes, and thinking she’s so grand showing off with a cigarette?
-When you’ve been up against real life like I have, that kind of cheap
-person seems right pitiful.”
-
-“She just stifles me,” Julie said. “She’s so--so big an’ satisfied with
-herself.”
-
-“Oh, I don’t know’s she’s so satisfied with herself. She wants you to
-think she is, an’ that’s why she tries to show off so.”
-
-“Well, all the same she does stifle me,” Julie repeated.
-
-“I reckon she does,” Aunt Sadie conceded, surveying Julie’s shrinking
-make-up with her shrewd and kindly eyes. “She stifles you, honey, an’
-I b’lieve she’s just about choked that poor little husband of hers to
-death.”
-
-“I don’t see why in the world he ever married her,” Julie said.
-
-“Who? That little Bixby? I’ll bet he never married _her_--she married
-_him_.”
-
-“I b’lieve that’s true!” Julie cried with conviction. “Yes, I
-just b’lieve that’s so.” Aunt Sadie’s statement seemed to her an
-illuminating discovery. Of course that was it. None of his real self
-had gone into the union; that accounted for his detached air, which had
-made her suppose at first that they were brother and sister.
-
-“Of course it’s so,” Mrs. Johnson reaffirmed. “You’re so innocent,
-Julie, you still think the man does all the courtin’; but I’ll bet poor
-Bixby did mighty little. I wouldn’t wonder if she married him out of
-spite. I’ll bet there was another she wanted an’ couldn’t get, so she
-turned ’round an’ snapped up that little feller, just to show people
-she could get a man if she wanted one.”
-
-“Well, anyway he isn’t all there,” Julie said absently, still pursuing
-her own line of thought.
-
-Aunt Sadie was startled. “Why, what on earth do you mean? Why, Julie,
-you don’t think he’s wanting, do you? He’s right nervous an’ scary
-lookin’, I know, but I wouldn’t for a minute say he was feeble-minded.”
-
-“No, no, of course I don’t mean that!” Julie protested.
-
-“Well, I shouldn’t think you would. Why, he’s real smart in his trade.
-I heard Mr. McLane bragging about him in the post office this morning.
-He said they never did have such a good printer on the _News_ before.
-Said he seemed to understand high-class printing better’n anybody he’d
-ever known. No, whatever he is, he certainly ain’t feeble-minded.”
-
-“Oh, no, of course not,” Julie reiterated. “Of course I didn’t mean
-that. I just meant she didn’t get the whole of him. She doesn’t own all
-of him.”
-
-“Well, maybe so. I’m sure I hope so--the poor little feller,” Aunt
-Sadie returned.
-
-
-
-
-IX
-
-
-The Bixbys settled themselves down in Mrs. Johnson’s rooms over Julie
-Rose’s little shop, and thereafter the lives of these two new people
-were constantly crossing the thread of Julie’s life, all of them
-together weaving that unseen pattern in the garment of existence.
-
-Elizabeth Bixby and her landlady fell into an indifferent intimacy.
-Aunt Sadie was a sociable person well up in her sixties. The immediate
-pressure of life was over for her, except when some one of her
-children, all of whom were married, needed her in an emergency. The
-years had drifted her into a rather pleasant backwater where she had
-leisure to look about her and to enjoy what small diversions Hart’s Run
-had to offer. Her gray eyes, set in a broad, weather-beaten face, were
-shrewd but tolerant. She viewed human nature clearly, but not unkindly.
-
-“You got to take people like you find ’em,” she was apt to state. Of
-Elizabeth Bixby she said, “Oh, well, the poor thing, maybe I’d’ve put
-a little more sweetening in, if I’d had the makin’ of her; but I didn’t
-mix her batter, so it’s no concern of mine. I’m kind of sorry for her,
-she craves so to have people notice her, an’ wants her own way so bad;
-but she’s right good company, too, when everything’s going to suit
-her.” Thus she explained their intimacy, and together they went almost
-nightly to the moving pictures.
-
-Elizabeth was lonesome, and had a good deal of spare time to kill. Some
-of it she killed in Aunt Sadie’s society. The rest she made away with
-by lying in bed late,--Mr. Bixby always got his own breakfast,--by
-fitful housekeeping, by gossip and cheap fiction, and by much attention
-to her clothes. And all that she did went by to the blare of popular
-songs ground out on her gramophone, for, as she told Aunt Sadie, “If
-there’s one thing I hate more’n another it’s nothin’ doin’. I got to
-have some kind of stir goin’ on all the time, if it’s nothin’ more’n
-the gramophone.”
-
-Her uncertain and slovenly habits were the very antithesis of Julie’s
-well-ordered and conscientious ones. At a certain early hour Julie
-arose; at another certain hour she had her breakfast; and by another
-her rooms were tidied and her shop open for the day. After the Bixbys
-moved in, she became accustomed to hearing Mr. Bixby every morning at
-a regular time getting his own breakfast; his habits, when they did
-not depend on Elizabeth, were as methodical as her own. His breakfast
-varied in time not more than five minutes from morning to morning, but
-his dinner, which Elizabeth prepared, swung backward and forward across
-the face of the clock.
-
-As Julie finished her own breakfast and started her house-cleaning
-for the day, she was used now to hearing Mr. Bixby’s tiptoe footsteps
-creeping about overhead. The footsteps were so timid, so stealthy,
-that she guessed he went in terror of an outburst of irritability from
-Elizabeth if he awakened her. He was not always successful in keeping
-quiet. One morning there was a sudden clatter and crash of tinware, and
-immediately on the heels of it, a flood of abuse from his wife.
-
-When Mr. Bixby came down the outside stairs that morning Julie was
-sweeping her front steps. He paused after they had exchanged their
-customary shy good morning.
-
-“I was mighty sorry I made all that racket right over your head just
-now,” he apologized awkwardly.
-
-“Oh, that was all right,” she assured him quickly. “A person can’t help
-pans falling down sometimes.”
-
-“It was the pie plates,” he confided. “Seems like they just stand
-there on edge watching their chance to jump down on a feller, and they
-ain’t never satisfied to let one of the bunch go alone, but all of ’em
-got to rattle down together.” There was in his eyes now that rueful
-twinkle which she had seen before. He offered it tentatively to her, a
-deprecatory, whimsical comment on his own inaptitude.
-
-It was like a shy animal peeping forth from its hole, ready to whisk
-away at the first unsympathetic gesture.
-
-Julie smiled. “Yes, I know,” she said, although she really had no
-whimsical twist like that in her own make-up. When pie plates fell for
-her, they fell, and there was no alleviating mirth about their descent.
-
-He still lingered, looking at her wistfully, relaxing his nerves in her
-sympathetic atmosphere.
-
-The street was almost empty. The little gardens up and down it made
-joyful bits of color, and the fresh morning air danced through the
-shimmering trees, and twinkled its feet over the sparkling grass.
-Here and there, spread on the small lawns, or depending from the
-garden fences or from the branch of a shrub, spider webs showed their
-lace, an ephemeral loveliness which would presently disappear as the
-day advanced. For a time life seemed to turn a kindly side to them
-both, and in the friendliness of each other’s presence, their real
-personalities--which were usually as invisible as the gossamer webs
-upon the grass--came forth in shy intercourse.
-
-“I’m mightily afraid I’ll disturb you in the mornings, stepping around
-right over your head like that,” he confided.
-
-“Oh, no, you don’t,” she reassured him. “I’m always up and through my
-breakfast before you commence, and I think it’s nice to hear other
-folks stirring around and getting ready for the day, too.”
-
-“Well, I made stir enough this morning, didn’t I?” He laughed. Then
-he was emboldened to a further confession. “I scared myself so bad I
-didn’t have the nerve to go on and get my breakfast.”
-
-“Why! You haven’t had anything to eat?” she exclaimed.
-
-He flushed. “Oh, it’s all right. I’ll get me some coffee over at the
-Monroe House. I didn’t want to disturb my wife again. She’s mighty
-apt to have one of her bad headaches in the morning,” he said,
-unconsciously revealing the real reason for his abandoning any further
-attempt at breakfast.
-
-“I got some fresh coffee right on my stove this minute, an’ some hot
-biscuits still in the oven. I’d be mighty glad to give you a bite,” she
-offered impulsively.
-
-At that, a quick embarrassed flush mounted to his forehead. “I’m much
-obliged,” he answered stiffly, “but I wouldn’t trouble you.”
-
-His embarrassment communicated itself to her, entrapping them both in
-their frozen self-consciousness and destroying the little moment of
-friendly spontaneity.
-
-“I must be going,” he said.
-
-“Well,” she answered awkwardly, “I’m sorry you won’t try my coffee.”
-
-For a moment more they lingered uncertainly, their real selves staring
-forth wistfully through the formality that their conventional selves
-were hastily assuming, like friendly children being dragged apart
-by stiff grown-ups. Then she began to sweep again, and he, with a
-constrained gesture toward his hat, went on his way.
-
-
-
-
-X
-
-
-Later in that month of June, Aunt Sadie Johnson gave a supper party.
-She said it did look like she ought to do something for Mr. Seabrook:
-which was merely a thin excuse, as she was a Presbyterian herself
-and therefore owed no hospitality to the new Methodist minister. She
-was, however, obsessed with the idea of finding a husband for Julie,
-although she was not as frank about it as Mrs. Dolly Anderson. With
-this in view, she had meant to ask only Julie and Brother Seabrook, but
-Elizabeth Bixby got wind of the small festivity and saw to it that she
-was included.
-
-“She invited herself: she didn’t get no bid from me,” Aunt Sadie told
-Julie. “Oh, well, the poor thing, I reckon she’s lonesome, so we might
-as well have her; an’ anyhow we’ll give that poor little Bixby man a
-good feed for once in his life--good, that is, as Mr. Hoover’ll allow.
-We’ll have waffles anyhow. I reckon we can use that much flour this
-once, seein’ ’s I’ve eat almost nothing but corn bread all summer.
-I’ll get you to come in early an’ make ’em, Julie; you make the best
-waffles in town.”
-
-Julie had no desire to meet Brother Seabrook so intimately and so soon
-again after her encounter with him in the church, but she could not
-screw her courage up to explain the matter even to Aunt Sadie. She
-blushed all over at the very thought of it now, merely in her own mind.
-So there was no escape for her. Accordingly, on the night of the supper
-she dressed early and went through to her hostess’s part of the house,
-to help set the table and to beat up the waffles.
-
-“My, Julie! You look mighty nice in that little sprigged dress,” Aunt
-Sadie hailed her. “That little touch of blue just suits you. It helps
-to bring out the color of your eyes. I’ll bet your preacher takes
-notice.”
-
-“Oh, no, he won’t!” Julie hastily replied. “That is,” she stammered,
-flushing, “I hope he won’t.”
-
-“Oh, Julie, you’re so _young_,” Aunt Sadie told her tolerantly. “I
-don’t know what it is about you--you ain’t really young no more, an’
-you don’t exactly look young; but someway you just seem to make every
-one think of you as nothin’ but a child.”
-
-It was a rather disjointed supper party. Julie had to vibrate
-constantly between kitchen and dining-room, serving the waffles,
-and Mrs. Johnson was forever jumping up to hand somebody something.
-Her idea of entertainment was to see that her guests were well fed,
-over-fed,--stuffed, in fact,--and conversation was left to struggle
-along as best it could. Little hopeful fragments of talk were started,
-but constantly shattered by the necessity for serving a fresh batch
-of waffles, or by her starting up to get out a glass of some new kind
-of preserve. Brother Seabrook tried bravely to converse with his
-hostess, but it was no easy matter. “Yes, yes,” she responded absently
-to some promising remark, “Now do have one of Julie’s hot waffles,
-Mr. Seabrook, they’re right fresh from the iron”; or, in sudden
-accusation, “Why, Mr. Seabrook, you haven’t one thing on your plate!”
-Valiantly as the poor man struggled to see the surface of his plate,
-he never saw it, for always as he politely got through one mountain of
-food, another avalanche descended upon it. He ate manfully, however,
-replying as best he might to Elizabeth’s insistent talk, and trying
-from time to time to drag Mr. Bixby into the stream of conversation, as
-a small boy, not too happy in the swimming-hole, tries to urge other
-tentative little boys upon the bank to “come on in.” But this Elizabeth
-always circumvented. Whenever her husband essayed a plunge into the
-talk, encouraged thereto by Brother Seabrook or in a moment of his
-own unaided daring, she immediately chased him into silence with some
-sharp retort. So for the most part he ate his supper without a word. He
-ate it, too, as though he were very hungry. Unfortunately he told his
-hostess that it was just about the best supper he ever did eat. He said
-it in an aside, but Elizabeth overheard and paused just long enough in
-something she was telling Brother Seabrook to pounce upon him with,
-“Now _that’s_ a pretty thing to say, ain’t it! Like your own wife kep’
-you half starved!”
-
-After that Mr. Bixby fell out of the conversation altogether, only
-raising his eyes from his plate to glance from time to time at Julie
-as she came and went with her waffles. In her neat sprigged dress she
-looked soft and gentle. Her face was a little flushed; one dark strand
-of hair fell over her forehead, and when she turned to go back to the
-kitchen, he could see that there were two little ringlets that made
-curls at the nape of her neck.
-
-Waffle-making was an art with Julie. In the practice of it she even
-forgot her usual feeling of constraint and breathlessness toward
-Elizabeth, and served her as eagerly as the rest. In her unconscious
-delight in doing a thing she loved to do and could do well, she
-created a content and serenity that drew Mr. Bixby’s eyes continually
-toward her, and also made the Reverend Mr. Seabrook, who appeared to
-harbor no malice for that brief episode in the church, rather absent
-to Elizabeth’s stream of talk. Elizabeth had come to the party intent
-on making an impression, but much as her elaborate talk and dashing
-costume thrust her into the foreground, she felt herself constantly in
-danger of being swept away into the background every time that Julie
-entered with fresh waffles.
-
-It was the summer of 1918, and naturally most of the fitful
-conversation turned upon the war, although Elizabeth said flatly that
-she was just sick to death of the hateful business; and Aunt Sadie
-answered Brother Seabrook’s scraps of war news with, “Yes, yes--have
-some preserves?” The reverend gentleman, however, was patriotic, and
-would not be deflected from the subject.
-
-“Well,” Elizabeth said, at last, making the best of it, “my husband’s
-liable to get his draft call most any time now. It’ll be right hard
-on me, but if the country needs him, I’ll have to give him, I reckon.
-Everybody’s got to do their bit.”
-
-She patted her hair and sighed, basking in her own nobility.
-
-Though Aunt Sadie tolerated Elizabeth, she was apt to flash out at her
-every now and again.
-
-“_You_ give him?” she snorted. “Humph! that sounds mighty grand, but
-believe _me_ if Uncle Sam wants him, he’ll take him all right, without
-any giving on your part.”
-
-Elizabeth’s eyes glittered angrily. She did not quite dare to cross
-swords with the older woman, so she turned upon her husband.
-
-“Well, he’ll make a great soldier, won’t he!” she jeered.
-
-“Why, I wouldn’t hardly think he was up to the standard height,”
-Brother Seabrook said, running his eye appraisingly over Mr. Bixby.
-
-“Oh, it ain’t always the biggest men makes the best soldiers,” Mrs.
-Johnson protested.
-
-They all fixed their scrutinizing eyes upon the little man, but none
-of them spoke directly to him, unconsciously following the impersonal
-attitude that Elizabeth had adopted.
-
-Julie was standing in the background, having just returned from the
-kitchen. She had paused involuntarily when she heard Elizabeth’s remark
-about Mr. Bixby’s being drafted, and her eyes went quickly to his face.
-She saw his lips give that faint nervous twitch, and his face stiffen.
-Then when they all turned their impersonal scrutiny upon him, as though
-they were inspecting some curious specimen, she saw the unhappy crimson
-flush up to his eyes.
-
-“What’s the matter with us?” Julie thought violently, unconsciously
-classing herself with him. “Why can’t folks see us? We’re there just
-like anybody else, but they always act like they didn’t see us. Someway
-we stand outside of people’s minds, an’ have to wait for them to open
-an’ let us in. And they never do.”
-
-Suddenly familiar words flashed upon her with such vividness as to
-leave her giddy. “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.” She was aware
-of so enormous an extension of understanding that the whole of it was
-beyond her grasp, making her feel for an instant as though she reeled
-into a larger world. She knew that it was just Mr. Bixby sitting there,
-silent and embarrassed, shut away from life by the impersonal eyes upon
-him; and yet in that moment of insight it seemed to her that the great
-essence of humanity was there looking forth from the caged bars of the
-little man’s face, waiting patiently, terribly, for an invitation to
-enter. “I got to let him in--I _got_ to get the door open someway an’
-let him in!” she thought fiercely. She moved forward quickly, holding
-out her plate of waffles. “Have a fresh waffle, Mr. Bixby,” she urged.
-“These are nice and crisp. I’d like for _you_ to try one.”
-
-It was all perfectly simple and natural, and yet the slight emphasis
-she laid upon the personal pronoun seemed to open the door for him that
-he might emerge into the life of a real human being, set free from the
-negative limbo to which the others had driven him.
-
-He looked up quickly and gladly into her face, with that look of
-release and freedom, and the breaking of a constricting cord which she
-had read in his expression before.
-
-“I thank you, I thank you, Miss Julie,” he said gratefully. It was
-the first time he had dared the intimacy of her Christian name. He
-helped himself, and, fortified by her creative touch, held the waffle
-suspended upon his fork for a moment’s approving contemplation.
-
-“My!” he said, with the air of a connoisseur, “That’s about the finest
-thing in the way of waffle-flesh I ever did see. I’d recommend you to
-try one of this batch, Brother Seabrook,” he urged.
-
-“Well, I thought I was about done, but if you advise it, Brother
-Bixby--” Brother Seabrook hesitated.
-
-“I don’t just advise you to take one, I prescribe it for your health,”
-Mr. Bixby returned; at which every one laughed except Elizabeth, who
-was furious over his being allowed any personality.
-
-But for the other two Julie had opened the door and let him in, so
-that he emerged into their consciousness as some one to be taken into
-account. Brother Seabrook fell into talk with him about the war, and
-as to the possibility of his draft call, ignoring Elizabeth’s ruffled
-attempts to draw the conversation back to herself. The supper came to
-an end presently, and to Elizabeth’s chagrin, Mrs. Johnson accepted her
-perfunctory offer to help with the dishes.
-
-“Yes,” she said, “you stay with me, Mis’ Bixby, an’ we’ll let Julie go
-out to the porch an’ entertain the men-folks for a spell. She needs a
-rest an’ cool-off ’fore we go to the show.”
-
-“Well, you picked a poor hand to help you,” Elizabeth said tartly.
-“If there’s one thing I do despise, it’s dirty dishes. Here, Tim!”
-she cried to her husband; and then, realizing that if she called him
-back that would leave Brother Seabrook in a tête-à-tête with Julie,
-she said, “Oh, well, go on then”; for she suspected in the minister
-an interest in Julie which she resented. Her manœuvres were all so
-obvious and usually so futile, that Julie, informed by that wider
-understanding, felt a sudden pity for her.
-
-“I’ll stay and help you with the dishes,” she offered.
-
-But this Aunt Sadie would not allow. “No, you go on now, Julie; you’ve
-done your bit. You go out on the porch an’ cool off,” she ordered.
-
-While the table was being cleared, Julie and the two men sat together
-in the dusk of the side porch. Julie did not talk much. She did not
-want to. She was slightly tired, and was content to listen to the
-other two. She liked to hear Mr. Bixby. It was amazing how much he
-found to say when the stifling incubus of Elizabeth was withdrawn.
-For a time the talk was still about the war, but presently it drifted
-away to other topics, and as that was left behind, Julie was conscious
-that there appeared in his voice a note of relief and picking up of
-interest. He talked more quickly and easily, describing the matter of
-printing. His father, it appeared, had been a printer before him. He
-had learned the trade from him. He said, “I like it.” He said that
-over frequently in variations. “Somehow I like it. I like a good bit
-of printing,” and “I liked it from the first, when I was just a kid.”
-He made what he said interesting: so much so that Brother Seabrook was
-glad to listen and said, “Well, well, is that so?” frequently. Neither
-of the men spoke especially to Julie, yet she knew that they were both
-aware of her presence, and stimulated by it.
-
-She liked sitting there in the dusk, making the background for their
-conversation. She had a curious sense that something out of herself
-flowed forth and made a successful medium for their talk. She knew that
-if she had not been there Mr. Bixby could never have spoken so well and
-so easily about his trade. Without the touch of her sympathy, together
-with the mantle of the dusk, he could never have let so much of himself
-appear; he would not have been interesting, and Brother Seabrook
-would have seized the conversation and borne it away in his own large
-declamatory tones.
-
-It was not long, however, before this little friendly interim was
-broken. The other two reappeared, and Aunt Sadie hurried them all off
-to the moving-picture theatre. There Elizabeth managed to secure the
-seat next to Brother Seabrook, a manœuvre which Aunt Sadie was not
-quick enough to frustrate. She would not, however, permit her guest of
-honor to be snatched completely from her, and so squeezed herself down
-firmly beside them, leaving Julie and Mr. Bixby to find seats together
-elsewhere.
-
-The entertainment was preceded by a patriotic rally on behalf of one of
-the Liberty Loans, and as Judge Dean--the main speaker of the evening,
-who had come from Red River to address the Hart’s Run people--was
-just beginning his speech, they hastily obliterated themselves in
-back seats. They listened dutifully through the speech, and to the
-subscribing for bonds which followed, although they took no part in it,
-as Julie had already bought two bonds, and Mr. Bixby whispered that he
-too was carrying about all he could manage.
-
-After the drive for the Loan was over, the lights were lowered, and
-the moving pictures began; and as always in those summer days of 1918,
-soldiers went marching by upon the screen. Soldiers drilling at Camp
-Lee; running up the flag--for a moment Old Glory waved and rippled in
-the wind before them, and the crowd went wild with applause; soldiers
-on a transport; American soldiers marching through Paris. At the sight
-of them and at the sound of the continuous applause, Julie felt the
-man beside her stiffen. “I’m liable to get my call any time now,” he
-whispered suddenly in the dimness.
-
-It was only what his wife had said at supper, but now it was different.
-Then it had been an almost impersonal statement. Now his low voice made
-it alive and real, an approaching event upon which a human being’s
-whole life was hung.
-
-“You heard ’em speak of it at table?” he questioned.
-
-“Yes,” she nodded faintly.
-
-The light from the screen glimmered upon his face, and he looked and
-looked at the men slipping by before him. Suddenly for Julie there
-seemed to be nothing in the house save those marching figures, and his
-white face watching them. She fixed her eyes upon them also and a twist
-of horror shot through her. “Look at those men,” she thought. “Look at
-all of them--those are all real men--they aren’t just pictures, they’re
-real. Every soldier there is--or was--a real person. Oh, my Lord!” she
-thought suddenly, “I wonder what they’re up against now.”
-
-At last the war pictures flashed out and a play began. Mr. Bixby drew
-a deep breath and Julie felt him relax. He turned to her. “I--I was
-mightily obliged to you,” he ventured, speaking softly.
-
-Julie knew what he meant, but she wondered if he was aware of what she
-had done.
-
-“What for?” she questioned.
-
-“Why, _you_ know.” He seemed surprised that she should ask. “At supper,
-for helping me out. I mean for sort of bringing me into things. After
-what you did, they saw I was there. But--_you_ know,” he broke off.
-
-“Yes, I know,” she answered.
-
-“You’ve known right from the first,” he said, daring to speak in the
-half obscuring dark. “When you’re there, I always know you understand.
-She--I mean--” he cut himself off; “some people seem to sort of
-strangle me. I don’t know how it is, but someway, I just can’t get to
-the surface with them.”
-
-“Can’t get to the surface?” she asked quickly.
-
-“Yes. I mean, to get into the world at all. It was like I wasn’t all
-in; they seem to slam a door in my face, an’ squeeze me out. I’m only
-half alive with them. They go right along as though I wasn’t there. I
-don’t know what it is.” He paused uncertainly, as though trying to
-blaze a pathway of words through a maze of difficult and heretofore
-unexpressed thoughts. “I reckon it’s my fault someway--I don’t know--or
-maybe it’s because I’m insignificant-looking an’ small--though I’m
-really only a little bit below average height--but folks go along an’
-don’t even seem to see me.”
-
-“I know: I understand,” she breathed.
-
-“Yes,” he whispered sharply, “you do know. That’s just it. You’ve
-understood right from the first! There was never anybody else who ever
-did.”
-
-“It’s--it’s the same with me,” she confessed, a thrill of emotion in
-her voice. “That’s why I understand. Some folks just choke me--an’
-I--someway, I don’t know how to stand up against them.”
-
-“Ain’t that funny?” He spoke wonderingly. “Ain’t it funny? I thought I
-was the only one in the world that way.”
-
-“I know. I thought that, too.”
-
-They spoke slowly, little pauses between each sentence, as they felt
-their way on this dim pathway out toward each other.
-
-When suddenly the play came to an end, the theatre lights flashed up,
-and they heard Elizabeth’s loud confident laugh, they were startled and
-astray, as though they had come back into a strange world.
-
-
-
-
-XI
-
-
-That was a strained summer in Hart’s Run, an uneasy, nervous
-war-summer, throwing the village people out of all their accustomed
-ways, as they gave themselves to the business of war. Speakers were
-sent to them for the various “drives,” from Red River and even
-occasionally from Washington as well. Judge Dean spoke to them in his
-soft slow voice--oratory strangely different and much more impressive
-than the flamboyant outbursts of the ordinary campaign-days. “Strictly
-speaking,” he said softly, “your country has no business at the present
-time but the business of killing Huns; and strictly speaking, _you_
-have no business but the business of killing Huns.”
-
-What an amazing business for Hart’s Run! What had Hart’s Run, up to
-1914, ever known about Huns? The nervous, high-strung days went by
-with Red Cross work, patriotic rallies, the conservation of food, and
-the tense reading of headlines. Long troop-trains went through Hart’s
-Run by night and by day, and every now and again a little handful of
-village men, and men from the surrounding country, left for Camp Lee.
-
-The business of killing Huns--an amazing business indeed for Julie
-Rose! What did she know about Huns? She subscribed to the Liberty
-Loans, she worked for the Red Cross, she saved food conscientiously,
-and she listened to what others read out of the papers; but in truth
-the war did not touch her very acutely. She did all her duty, and more.
-She felt some of the horror of the war; but for the most part she
-looked on as an outsider. So it always was with her. She had always
-been an outsider--not quite in touch with the rest of the world. People
-were constantly crowding her shy sensitive nature to one side. As a
-child she had never been “in it” in the games at school, and now as a
-grown person she was not in it with her country in this terrible game.
-Perhaps because of this aloofness, which her timid nature had thrust
-upon her, she did not now feel much of the intense patriotism that ran
-through the country. That great uplifting thrill of close interest and
-contact with other human beings that came to many at that time was
-denied to Julie. She did all that was required of her; but she was
-untouched by any rewarding flame of consecration.
-
-“It certainly is awful,” she said from time to time. But the awfulness
-of the war had been going on since 1914, and the first edge of it was
-gone. Yet sometimes the horror stuck its head out abruptly in their
-very midst. It did for Julie on the day that she read in the _Hart’s
-Run News_ of the death of John Webster in France. “One of our Stag
-County young men,” the _News_ announced, “whose parents, Mr. and Mrs.
-Otley Webster, are prominent citizens of Red River.” Why, yes; Julie
-knew the Websters. She had met them once at Henr’etta’s, and Henr’etta
-was always talking about Effie Webster--about her clothes, her car, how
-stylish she was, and about her set of new china. Henr’etta had told
-Julie about that china the last time she was in Red River. And now
-Effie Webster’s boy was dead in France. Julie shivered, and thought
-what awful deaths men had to die. She was rather accustomed to violent
-death in the lumber camps, in the mining-fields west of Hart’s Run,
-and on the railroads. Hadn’t her own father been killed by a falling
-tree? Julie recalled his death with a quiver--that stretched look of
-suffering, which had so widened and whitened his face. She was thinking
-of these things a week or so after the supper party, sitting under the
-light in her back room, knitting on a sweater, when Aunt Sadie came in
-to her from the other side of the house.
-
-“Come on, Julie, let’s go to the picture show this evening,” she
-suggested.
-
-“I can’t,” Julie returned. “I’ve got to get on with this Red Cross
-sweater.”
-
-“Well,” the other sighed, “I reckon I oughtn’t to tempt you away from
-your duty, with our men givin’ their lives over there. Ain’t it awful
-about that Mrs. Webster’s boy!”
-
-“Awful,” Julie assented.
-
-“It’s the third one of our Stag County young men to go. That boy from
-Whifen that was killed early in the war, an’ that young feller that was
-in the Marines, and now Mrs. Webster’s son. They said when they got the
-word his mother just fell right over on the floor, an’ was dead for
-five hours. He was her only boy, and the baby child; an’ now him dead
-’way off there--one of our men dead over in France--ain’t it awful?”
-
-“Yes, awful,” Julie repeated, hurrying nervously on with her knitting.
-
-“Well--and did you hear about the Chapin boy?” Aunt Sadie continued.
-
-“No. What about him? What Chapin boy?” Julie asked, startled.
-
-“Why, you know those Chapins that live out on the Easter Road, ’bout
-five miles from town? It’s a little log-house, sits back from the road
-in a right pretty yard.”
-
-“Oh, yes, I know. What about the boy?” Julie questioned.
-
-“Well, they had to send him back from camp. They couldn’t do one thing
-with him. He just cried all the time.”
-
-“_Cried_ all the time?”
-
-“Um--’m.” Mrs. Johnson firmed her lips to a straight line, and nodded
-her head up and down heavily. “Yes, they couldn’t do one thing with
-him.”
-
-“But--but what was the matter with him?” Julie persisted.
-
-“I don’t know. He just cried all the time. Lost his nerve, I reckon.
-They sent him back home. They said he wasn’t no good to them. His
-father feels terrible; says he always was a nervous kind of a boy, an’
-his mother humored him along till she just ruined him.”
-
-“Oh, the poor boy!” Julie cried.
-
-“Well my Lord, Julie! Just s’pose all our men were like that; what
-would Uncle Sam do?”
-
-“Oh, of course, I know. Only--how awful it was for him!”
-
-“Well, I’m mighty glad he ain’t _my_ son,” Aunt Sadie retorted. “It’ll
-be a thing people’ll throw up against him all his life. Folks won’t
-forget it in a hurry. Well,”--she dragged her large figure up out of
-the plush rocker,--“If you won’t go with me to the picture show, I
-reckon I’ll just have to go ask Mis’ Bixby; she’s better’n no company.”
-
-She went, and after a little Julie heard her and Elizabeth Bixby
-setting forth. Julie sat on alone, knitting under the light, her mind
-filled with distressful thoughts about the Chapin boy, who found camp
-so awful and the prospect of death in France so overpowering, that he
-could do nothing but cry. “How dreadful!” Julie thought. “What was the
-matter with him? What made him go to pieces like that? Other men stood
-up against it; what was the matter with the Chapin boy? Oh, the poor
-boy! The poor thing! How frightful to give way like that, with all the
-camp to see!”
-
-As far as she could remember, she had never talked to the Chapin boy
-and had not seen him very often. She recalled him as a thin gangling
-youth, with a prominent Adam’s apple and shallow, frightened blue eyes.
-And now he was at home again with a disgrace like that. “Oh, the poor
-boy!” she thought again, horrified at the spiritual collapse that would
-make one’s pride and reserve go down and leave one exposed before the
-whole world. “It’s just what I might do if I were a man--just the way I
-might have acted. Oh, I’m glad I’m not a man!” she told herself.
-
-Suddenly in the stillness she heard a sharp sound in the hall. It
-startled her so that her hands on the knitting-needles jumped together.
-“Oh, what is that?” she thought. She listened rigidly a minute, and
-heard a creaking on the stairway. With an effort, she wrenched herself
-up, and stepping to the door pressed the electric button. As the light
-flashed up in the hall, she saw Mr. Bixby’s white face looking down at
-her from the stairway.
-
-“Oh, I scared you,” he said confusedly. “Don’t be scared; it’s just me.
-I didn’t go to frighten you.”
-
-Julie looked up at him. “_You?_” she cried uncertainly. “Oh, it’s you!”
-
-They stared at each other a moment, and then she turned back into her
-sitting-room. “Well,” she said, relieved, “I’m glad it’s you. I _was_
-scared. I didn’t know what to think.”
-
-He came down the stairs, still apologizing. “I’m sorry. I didn’t go to
-frighten you. I was upstairs all alone--my wife’s gone to the show with
-Mis’ Johnson--and I got to wondering where that door went to, an’ then,
-just out of curiosity, I hunted round till I found a closet-key that
-fitted it. But I’m mighty sorry I give you a start.”
-
-He had come into the little sitting-room now and was leaning over the
-back of the red-plush rocker, looking down at her. She had returned to
-her knitting under the light. “Oh, it’s all right; it isn’t anything. I
-just get scared so easy,” she told him, still with a little tremor in
-her voice.
-
-“Yes,” he said, “I know. Some of us do.”
-
-He still lingered, leaning on his arms over the back of the chair and
-watching her knit.
-
-“Making a sweater?” he asked.
-
-“Yes, for the Red Cross.” She spread it out for him to see.
-
-“Well, the feller that gets it’ll be lucky,” he said. Still he did
-not go; and in a moment he spoke again, feeling his way uncertainly.
-“Speaking about being scared--I mean, you said you got scared easy?”
-
-“Yes, I do,” she answered, to help him out as he hesitated. “I’m awful
-timid; sudden noises always make me jump.”
-
-“Yes, I know. And I was thinking how it was with that boy.”
-
-“What boy?” she asked.
-
-“The feller they had to send back from camp. Chapin, I think was the
-name. You heard about him?”
-
-He waited, looking down at her.
-
-Suddenly Julie comprehended a strained anxiety in his tone, and her
-heart began to beat quickly.
-
-“Yes, I heard,” she said, and kept her eyes down on her knitting now,
-not to look too closely at him.
-
-“They said he just cried”--he swallowed nervously--“all the time in
-camp. They said they couldn’t do a thing with him.”
-
-“I know; I heard.” Julie knit faster.
-
-“They said everybody’d laugh at him from now on,” he continued.
-
-Julie raised her eyes and looked straight up at him. “_I_ never will,”
-she promised.
-
-He drew a free breath. He seemed to have been waiting for her to say
-this. “I didn’t b’lieve you would,” he said.
-
-“I never will,” she answered faithfully again, as though making a
-solemn compact with him.
-
-She saw his hands that clutched the back of the chair tremble slightly,
-and a faint hot moisture broke out upon his forehead. Then he stooped
-closer to her, daring all.
-
-“_She_ said--my wife said--that was just what I’d do in camp.”
-
-“You wouldn’t,” she cried sharply. “You wouldn’t! I know you wouldn’t.”
-
-“But--but I might,” he faltered, moistening his lips. “It’s--it’s just
-what I might do.”
-
-“You would _not_!” Julie repeated violently, clutching her knitting so
-tight that one of the bone needles snapped in two.
-
-“She said I would,” he persisted. “And then she went off to the show. I
-was all alone. I got to studyin’ about it. I thought--I thought--”
-
-“I know,” she interjected quickly. “I know, I understand how it is.”
-
-He moistened his lips once more, and tried again. “And--and I thought
-maybe she was right,” he got out at last.
-
-“She is not right. She isn’t!”
-
-“And everybody’s laughin’ at the Chapin boy--”
-
-“I’ll never laugh at him.”
-
-“An’ I thought--” He swallowed again. “I thought, ‘Maybe it’ll be _you_
-they’ll all be laughin’ at next week.’” He paused a moment. “And--and
-now you know it all,” he ended.
-
-“I understand.” Julie’s eyes were suddenly full of tears, so that his
-strained face, gazing hungrily down at her, was blurred through them.
-“I know. I was sitting here thinking that, too. I was thinking, if I
-was a man maybe that was just what I’d do. Maybe I wouldn’t stand up
-against things any better than that Chapin boy.”
-
-“You? You thought that?”
-
-“Yes,” she nodded back at him.
-
-“Then you know,” he said, with a breath of relief. “I didn’t want any
-one to laugh at him,” he went on. “Don’t laugh,” he pleaded, as though
-now he were defending the Chapin boy to that cold outside world that
-had laughed. “Maybe he just couldn’t help it, the poor feller! Life’s
-mighty big for some folks--too big--bigger than a lot of us knows how
-to stand up against. You don’t know how hard he tried; folks don’t know
-how hard a person tries; but _you_ understand, Miss Rose?” He suddenly
-broke off, his eyes coming back to her face. “You understand, Miss
-Julie?”
-
-“Yes, I understand,” she answered faithfully. “An’ I know about life
-being so big.”
-
-“It’s too big for some folks,” he said. “Well, I must go.” He drew
-himself erect, and started toward the door; then he turned back. “Miss
-Rose--Miss Julie,” he said, “I want to tell you--I didn’t tell you the
-truth--I don’t have to tell you anything but what’s the truth. I opened
-that door and found you on purpose. Of course I knew where it went.
-I was sitting there all alone after what she said. And then someway I
-_had_ to see if you were laughin’ like all the rest. Now you know--I
-don’t have to tell you anything but what’s the truth.” He went then.
-And presently Julie heard the door at the top of the steps shut and
-locked, and the key withdrawn from the inside.
-
-Not long afterward Elizabeth Bixby and Aunt Sadie returned, and
-presently upstairs Julie heard Elizabeth’s high voice taunting her
-husband. The walls were thin, and certain words came vividly down to
-her. “Oh, yes you would, too! You’d be just like him!”
-
-“That woman’s a devil. She’s just a devil!” Julie whispered to herself.
-
-
-
-
-XII
-
-
-That was the first time Mr. Bixby unlocked the door and came down
-the stairway to Julie, but it was not the last. Almost every evening
-Elizabeth and Aunt Sadie went out to the moving pictures, and there
-was no one in the house except Mr. Bixby upstairs and Julie in her
-sitting-room below. Two or three nights after his first appearance
-he came again. This time he offered a small excuse. “Could I trouble
-you to lend me a pair of big shears?” he asked awkwardly. But after
-she found a pair and put them in his hands, he stood and looked at
-them uncertainly as though he did not know what to do with them, then
-suddenly he flushed and laid the scissors back on the centre table.
-
-“I wasn’t tellin’ you the truth,” he confessed abruptly. “I don’t need
-your scissors. That wasn’t anything but just an excuse. But, someway I
-can’t lie to you.”
-
-Julie looked straight up at him. “You don’t have to,” she said simply.
-“You don’t ever have to tell me anything but what’s the truth.”
-
-With the words she came as it were into a place of peace. All the
-whirling haste and nervous anxiety of her existence, all its terrors
-and subterfuges, fell away, and left her still and secure.
-
-She saw the tension of his face relax also.
-
-“That’s so,” he said with quick relief. “That certainly is so, Miss
-Julie. You’re one person I don’t have to try to fool.”
-
-He seated himself in the plush rocker easily and naturally. “All my
-life,” he went on, “I’ve been pretendin’ things. Puttin’ up a front an’
-tryin’ to fool people into thinkin’ I’m something I ain’t.”
-
-“I know. I always do it, too,” she answered. “I reckon it’s mighty
-foolish of us.” She looked at him out of her wide gray eyes which were
-kindled now with the light of discovery.
-
-His face broke all at once into laughter. It was a whimsical trick
-of his nature to experience a certain rueful mirth over his own
-futilities. “Yes,” he assented, “it is foolish! But anyhow we don’t
-have to do it with one another, do we,” he said, restating the fact.
-“I’m kind of lonesome to-night, that was why I come down--I didn’t
-really want the shears.”
-
-“I know. I understand,” she answered again.
-
-“My wife likes the movies. She goes to ’em ’most every night, but I
-don’t care nothin’ about ’em. I don’t see what people finds in them.”
-
-“I don’t either,” she confessed.
-
-Thereafter they fell into easy and simple conversation. Indeed, why
-should he not sit and talk a little while to her? He told her of the
-small happenings of his day at the _News_ office and of the big and
-terrible news of the world. He did not hasten to cover up any silence
-with the clatter of talk. He spoke when he felt like it, sitting in the
-plush rocker and watching her sew, and she replied--or was silent--as
-she pleased. He stayed for a half-hour or so and then he rose.
-
-“Well, I reckon it’s time for me to tell you good-night,” he said, and
-slipped away up the stairs without further comment.
-
-After that he came again and again. The house would be still,--as it
-never was when Elizabeth’s noisy personality was at home,--Julie would
-be sewing by her light, when she would hear the key turn in the lock
-and his foot upon the stair. Once or twice he said, “I was kind of
-lonesome; maybe you’ll let me sit here a spell,” but later he came
-without even that preamble, simply saying, “Well, Miss Julie, here I
-am,” and dropping into the plush rocker as though it were his place
-that was waiting for him. At first his talk was only general news of
-the day, but as their intimacy deepened they began to unfold themselves
-to each other more and more. With all the rest of humanity they
-continually had to pretend, dressing themselves in a garment of life
-that was altogether too big for them. With others they were always on
-the defensive, always erecting hasty barriers of reserve and shyness
-behind which their sensitive personalities might retreat, but with each
-other they were free; there they could be spontaneous and completely
-true. Their real selves came forth and played about naturally and
-easily in this intercourse of friendly comprehension. The key words of
-their intimacy came to be, “I know, I understand,” spoken by her, or
-“Yes, that’s the way it’s always been with me, too,” spoken by him.
-If there fell a momentary constraint or embarrassment between them,
-these words were all that were necessary to set them free again. And
-in the finding of one another’s understanding they found themselves,
-and a whole new world as well. This world emerged from under all the
-difficulties and timidities of life as she had known it; from under the
-strangled inhibitions from which he suffered. It was for them a world
-that was large and beneficent, where they were big people who were
-unafraid. It was difficult to put into words what they experienced, but
-sometimes they groped about to find expression for it.
-
-“Ain’t it strange?” he said. “When I open that door and come down the
-steps, it’s more than just a door opening. It’s--it’s something in
-myself. I open the door, and I see you sitting there under the light,
-and--someway--I find myself when I find you. It’s like when I was a kid
-and used to be scared in the dark. We lived in the country then, and
-sometimes they’d send me down to the stable on errands after nightfall.
-Coming back, the dark’ud all close in on me. I’d be so scared, I’d
-seem to be getting smaller and smaller an’ bein’ smothered. I’d run
-an’ stumble over things. An’ then all at once, I’d see the light from
-the kitchen, and folks moving about inside, and everything’d be all
-right. The dark would kind of draw off. I’d open all up inside, like
-I’d been set free. An’ that’s the way it is when I come down the steps
-an’ see you sitting here. It’s like I’d come home. I’m a bigger person
-down here in this sitting-room than I am anywhere else. I mean to say,”
-he hesitated, turning the thought over, “there’s more of me here than
-anywhere else.”
-
-“But it’s there all the time: I mean, what you really are is there, no
-matter where you are,” she interrupted.
-
-“Maybe so, but it don’t come out other places. You’ve got the key, Miss
-Julie. I’ve got the key to the door, but you’ve got the key to what I
-am.”
-
-But for the most part they did not attempt to phrase it, accepting it
-simply and easily. They had been cramped and terrified, constricted
-into their smaller selves, by other people and by their own constrained
-natures, and now this wider existence trembled into view: an existence
-set free from fear, where they might be themselves and be happy; and
-they seized upon it with avidity.
-
-They almost never spoke of Elizabeth. Julie never did, and he but
-rarely. “My wife’s gone out with Mrs. Johnson. She’s crazy about the
-movies,” he sometimes said. Once he said, “I offered to go with her,
-but she said I wasn’t good enough company. She’d rather have anybody’s
-company but mine.”
-
-“Well, if she leaves him every night like that, of course he’s
-lonesome,” Julie thought sharply to herself.
-
-They did not meet thus a great number of times--not more than six or
-seven, all told. They wondered over the miracle of their friendship
-and they rejoiced in the new life that it brought to them, yet they
-spoke no word of love to each other. But there fell at last an evening
-when the summer night had come down over Hart’s Run; when children
-in pretty, clean frocks called to one another through the dusk; when
-lovers would have walked the street, if it had not been a war year,
-with most of the young men gone; when the whole village was relaxed
-and at ease; and when Julie, sitting sewing by her light, heard the
-key scrape in the lock, the creak of footsteps on the stairs, and in a
-moment looking up saw Mr. Bixby before her, but with a face so strange
-and pinched that she cried out, “What is it? What’s happened?”
-
-He sat down in the rocker and looked at her for a dumb moment. Then he
-spoke.
-
-“It’s come; my draft call’s come. I got to go.”
-
-“You got to go?” she whispered.
-
-“I just got it from the post office. I got to go in the mornin’. She’s
-out--my wife’s out. I ain’t told her yet. I came to you, Miss Julie.”
-
-“You--you got to go in the morning,” she repeated blankly. Her work had
-fallen in her lap, and the delicate folds were crumpled between her
-clutched hands.
-
-He nodded. “I got to go. They drafted me.”
-
-Neither of them spoke for a moment. Julie swallowed spasmodically
-once or twice, looking around the little room where their imprisoned
-personalities had come together in the last weeks. Where they had found
-one another, and in that finding had discovered their hidden selves.
-Where their souls had ventured forth and found a whole new world
-impinging marvelously upon their constricted everyday existence, and
-where the timid and reserved room had taken on life from their life.
-
-“You’re going away?” she faltered again, knowing that this world was
-falling to pieces. She felt herself beginning to tremble all over.
-
-“I got to go, honey,” he said, and stretched out his hand open to
-her across the table. It was the first time he had used a term of
-endearment--the first time he had stretched his hand to her. She
-put her own swiftly into his. The two hands, small and thin, locked
-together there upon the table. She did not look at him, she looked down
-at their clasped hands in the light--hands that had miraculously found
-each other out of all the tumult and terrors of life. Through the tears
-that were beginning to burn into her eyes the hands looked dim and
-uncertain. The trembling of her body ran down her arm into her fingers,
-and communicated itself to his. A tremor shivered through their hands
-as they clung together.
-
-“I--I _got_ to go, ain’t I, little honey?”
-
-There was a question in his tone now, and she looked up swiftly into
-his face, the tears arrested and hanging upon her lashes. In his eyes
-looking hungrily at her she read hesitation and dread. She forgot
-herself in the realization of what was before him.
-
-“You’re afraid,” she said abruptly.
-
-His face flared darkly red, and he put his disengaged hand up before
-his eyes. But in a moment he took it down and looked straight at her.
-
-“Yes, I am,” he said. “Look at me, honey, I don’t mind your knowin’ it.
-I _want_ for you to know. I want you to know just all I am. You’re the
-only person in all the world I could ever speak about it to, but I want
-you to know just the onery little feller I am. You’re my mother, an’ my
-sister--you’re what I am. I can’t keep nothing back from you. I want to
-lay my heart right out for you to see.”
-
-“I know--I understand,” she whispered. She accepted his fear simply and
-uncritically.
-
-His hand tightened upon hers desperately. “I’m just a coward, honey,
-just yeller. I’m afraid of the other fellers; they’ll guy the life
-out of me. I’ll be everybody’s goat, I know it. _She_ said I would,
-an’ it’s so. Maybe--maybe I can’t stand up to it any better than that
-Chapin boy. An’ I’m afraid of goin’ over an’ of gettin’ killed. I want
-for you to know it _all_--all I am! But--but it ain’t the first time
-I’ve stood up and made myself do things I was scared of. I’ve _got_ to
-go. Oh, Lord! Maybe I’ll pull through all right!”
-
-“Why do you have to go?” Julie cried suddenly, violently. Then like
-the breaking of a dam her words gushed out, tossing aside the mincing
-phraseology of her mother’s training, and reverting to the tongue of
-her mountain people. “What’s the world ever give you that you got to
-stand up now an’ maybe be killed for it? What’s folks ever done for
-you or for me that we got to please ’em now? Did they ever do anything
-for you? They never done one thing for me! My mother an’ my father was
-good to me--but they’re dead. An’ what’s other folks ever done for us?
-Ain’t they always crowded us out into the cold an’ slammed the door in
-our faces? They never let us in to life. They never even knowed we was
-there. Or if they took notice of us, it was just to knock us out er the
-road, er maybe stamp on us, or wrench us ’round the way they wanted us
-to go.”
-
-“That’s God’s truth,” he said slowly.
-
-“Ain’t it always been so?” she rushed on. “Did they ever let you be a
-real person? Wasn’t they always slappin’ you out into the cold? Even
-when you was a child, did the other children ever let you in, an’ play
-with you like they did one another? They never did me.”
-
-“They never did me either,” he answered. “I was the outsider. They
-always picked on me.”
-
-“They tore my paper doll to pieces when I wasn’t doin’ one thing to
-anybody, an’ all of ’em tramped it into the snow! Oh my God! It’s
-been that way with both of us, always. All our lives we was pinched
-an’ strangled, an’ thrown aside. They didn’t let us do any more’n
-just cling to the edges of life. An’ then we found one another.” She
-was crying now, and her words were cut in two by her gasping breath.
-“We found one another--we found one another, an’ then we found life!
-But _now_ they open the door and say, ‘Come on in.’ _Now_ they got a
-use for you. _Now_ they’ll let you stand up an’ git killed for ’em.
-They never opened the door to let you into life, but they’ve opened
-it up wide for you for death! No,” she cried wildly, “_you_ don’t owe
-folks nothin’! They never give us life--we’ve found life for ourselves
-together! An’ now, just as we found it, they’d snatch hit away! You
-don’t have to go!
-
-“You don’t _have_ to go, do you?” she repeated.
-
-He looked at her, dazzled by the flaming passion of her face. “We--we
-could go away an’ hide somewheres together,” he ventured, uncertainly.
-
-She stared back at him.
-
-“What would they do to you if they caught you?” she demanded.
-
-“I dunno.” He shook his head. “But--if we went--it would--you know it
-would break your life all to pieces. If anything was to happen to me,
-you couldn’t come back here.”
-
-“I never had no life to break, ’til you came into it,” she cried. “I
-never knew what life was. You’ve set me free! You’ve made me all I am.
-We’ve made each other! Our life together--our love--it’s just all there
-is! Oh God! Oh God!” she cried, “_Ain’t_ we got a right to it?”
-
-He bowed his head down upon their hands on the table.
-
-“My honey! My love! My little honey!” he cried.
-
-
-
-
-XIII
-
-
-The next morning Timothy Bixby left on the early train going east.
-
-Aunt Sadie came in and told Julie about it.
-
-“Well,” she announced, “Little Bixby’s gone. He got his draft call last
-night, an’ he left on Number Three this morning. He’ll go to Camp Lee
-like all the men from this section. I saw him when he left. Mis’ Bixby
-wasn’t up. I declare, if he didn’t have to get his own breakfast this
-very last morning! I told him he ought to go in and bid you good-bye,
-but he said he was late. He really had a plenty time; he was just
-makin’ up an excuse, ’cause he’s so bashful. I reckon you’ll just have
-to excuse him, Julie. It seems funny to me that they’d want a little
-scary feller like him.”
-
-“He’s not really so small,” Julie returned sharply. “He’s up to
-standard height.”
-
-“I know he is, but someway a person always thinks of him as sort of
-undersized. But I came in, Julie, to tell you something else. I’m goin’
-over to stay with Betty this afternoon.”
-
-Betty was Mrs. Johnson’s daughter, who was married and living some
-twenty miles away in the country.
-
-“She’s sick, an’ the baby’s ailin’, an’ she can’t get any help over
-there. I got a card in the morning’s mail asking me please to come, so
-I’m going over there this evenin’. I wouldn’t be s’prised if I was away
-for a couple of months. An’ Mis’ Bixby’s leavin’--”
-
-“When does she go?” Julie demanded.
-
-“She’s leavin’ on the night train. She’s going back to her home in
-Lynchburg for a spell, and later maybe she’ll go to be near Camp Lee.
-She says she’ll not go ’til they kind of get Mr. Bixby licked into
-shape. She says she’ll be so ashamed of him at first. I think she’s
-layin’ off to have a right good time. Ain’t that just like the woman?
-But you’re goin’ to be all alone ’til I come back, Julie. You better
-see to gettin’ somebody to stay with you.”
-
-“Oh, I’ll be all right,” Julie evaded.
-
-So the life that had informed Julie’s small establishment for the last
-few weeks fell suddenly all to pieces. Mr. Bixby had gone. Aunt Sadie
-left with her son-in-law in the afternoon, and Elizabeth took the
-night train. She came in before she went to say good-bye to Julie. She
-was dressed elaborately for her journey, and was in high spirits.
-
-“My! But I’m glad to be out of this rotten little town,” she announced.
-“There ain’t anything I can do for Tim,” she went on, “so I might just
-as well fly ’round an’ enjoy myself.”
-
-Here the car came which she had ordered to take her to the station, and
-in the expansiveness of leave-taking she attempted to kiss Julie, but
-Julie started back involuntarily.
-
-“What’s the matter? Did you think I was goin’ to bite you?” Elizabeth
-demanded.
-
-“No, no--I--”
-
-“Oh, all right. Goodness knows I don’t want to kiss a person that don’t
-want to kiss me. Well, I’m gone.”
-
-She went; and the next day Julie went also. She went in the early
-morning when most of the people of the village were still asleep--when
-lacy mists hung over the mountains, and all the flowers in her little
-garden were drenched with summer dew. She went out of her side door,
-locking it after her. In her garden she lingered a moment to pluck
-a little nosegay of sweet peas and to touch the wet faces of the
-other flowers with a caressing finger; then she went swiftly. She
-went with no compunctions. “Ain’t I got a right to life?” she asked
-herself fiercely. “Goodness knows we don’t owe folks anything. They
-never did anything for us!” But though she went unhesitatingly she
-could not bring herself to turn for a last look at the garden with
-its row of sweet peas and nasturtiums, nor at the shop staring into
-the street with its blank shuttered windows. Not for anything would
-she have looked back at that side door. Somehow, as she went up the
-street to the station, she visualized her mother’s figure standing
-there following her with her eyes, as she had stood so often in life.
-Julie knew she was not there; she knew she just imagined this vision;
-yet not for worlds would she have turned to glance back. With her eyes
-set steadily forward up the street, the picture of her mother standing
-there in the doorway looking after her hung persistently in the back
-of her mind. Her mother had worn very neat white aprons; they used to
-stand out distinctly against the black of her dress when she stood in
-the doorway, and sometimes the wind would flutter them a little. She
-had a way of putting her hand up to shade her eyes as she looked and
-looked after Julie. There was one point in the street where Julie had
-been in the habit of turning to wave to her mother, and her mother used
-to wave the hand that had been shading her eyes, and with that final
-gesture turn back into the house. But Julie did not pause or turn at
-this point to-day. Whispering defiantly, “Ain’t I got a right to my
-life?” she went steadily on.
-
-So the remembered vision of her mother did not turn away, but continued
-to stand there in the door, watching her go, with the hand still
-shading the eyes.
-
-
-
-
-XIV
-
-
-At the Hart’s Run station Julie bought a ticket to Washington, but when
-the train reached Gordonsville she slipped out of it unnoticed and,
-buying another ticket, crossed the tracks and boarded the Richmond
-train which was waiting there. At the station in Richmond, Timothy
-Bixby met her.
-
-Thus, as easily almost as changing from one garment to another, Julie
-Rose slipped out of all her established life. With that sudden violent
-outcry, “What’s folks ever done for you or for me, that we got to
-please ’em now!” she had burst open a door, through which she and
-Timothy passed defiantly, finding themselves in a world where life
-turned round and looked at them with apparent beneficence. In the
-happiness of their companionship they drew long breaths of freedom;
-and, relaxing into the recreating power of their love, they found
-themselves and a confidence they had never known, so that for the first
-time they faced their fellow beings without fear.
-
-His concern was all for her. When he met her that first afternoon at
-the Richmond station, he insisted that she was tired and must have
-supper at once before he took her to their rooms. Accordingly, they had
-their first meal together in the station restaurant, a meal that in
-spite of the city heat and the coming and going of hurried people, was
-to Julie the most wonderful she had ever eaten. Afterward they boarded
-a westbound street-car.
-
-“I’m afraid you’re going to find the city mighty hot after the
-mountains,” he said anxiously.
-
-She did not answer, but she turned and looked at him, and words were
-not necessary. What did heat or material discomfort matter to her then?
-
-The city was hot, tired, and flat after long weeks of summer;
-disheveled and overgrown with extra population also, as were most
-cities near any of the big training-camps, in that war year of 1918.
-
-“The rooms ain’t much, honey,” he apologized, as the car ground its way
-west with jerks of stops and starts. “An’ they ain’t in a swell part of
-town; but they’re the best I could do, an’--an’ I got something to show
-you.”
-
-The rooms were in a part of the city made up almost entirely of blocks
-of small frame houses, sheltering Richmond’s poorer inhabitants, who
-spilled out of their front doors on to the little porches and into the
-streets: the men in shirt sleeves, the women sometimes tidied for the
-afternoons, sometimes still in the depression of wrappers that had been
-worn through all the heat of the day.
-
-“You see it ain’t much--pretty hot, an’ cheap out this way,” he
-apologized again as they got off the car and started along the street.
-
-She looked up at him as she had looked before. “Oh, Tim!” she cried;
-and suddenly she laughed--a ripple of shy wild ecstasy. “Oh, Tim,
-honey! How could anything like that matter now?”
-
-Looking at her, he caught the flaming happiness of her face, and
-laughed too. “I know, I know,” he whispered. “An’ anyhow, I have got
-something fine to show you,” he added.
-
-Though the streets were for the most part lined with small wooden
-houses, there was an occasional more pretentious one of brick, and
-sometimes a larger frame dwelling. It was in one of these last, a
-double, three-storied house which accommodated several families and one
-or two single lodgers, that Mr. Bixby had found an abode for them--a
-sitting-room, a kitchen, and at the back a bedroom. The rooms were
-close and the furniture was cheap and ugly, but what did that matter?
-The porch outside was clothed with a cottage vine, a strip of zinnias
-and cosmos marched in the tiny front-yard, and at the back was another
-attempt at a flower bed.
-
-“Oh, Tim! Oh, Tim!” she cried. She stood in the middle of the small
-domain and turned slowly about. “Oh, Tim! It’s _ours_!” The rooms
-ceased thereat to be mere rooms; with that rush of emotion her heart
-opened to them, they entered, and the place became her home.
-
-But he would not let her linger there now. Depositing her bags, he
-urged her out again. “Come on,” he cried. “I got to show you ’fore it’s
-too late.”
-
-He turned into a street running south, which after a few minutes’
-walk came to an end in a small bit of parkway where were a row of
-benches and a stone balustrade. “There now! Look!” he cried. It was his
-triumph.
-
-All the cheap sordidness of the city ended abruptly here. Beyond was
-space--a deep drop to the stretches of the James River below. Overhead
-was the infinite breadth and height of the sky, and far across the
-river, whose tawny waters were tufted by little islands, were green
-stretches of open country.
-
-He drew her down to a bench. “This is the jumping-off place,” he told
-her. “I thought you could come here an’ kind of stretch and breathe
-when things got too close on you back there in the streets.”
-
-It was amazing. The mean streets reached almost to them, fenced off
-by just that little edge of open ground, yet all one had to do was to
-turn the back upon them to enter another world, a place of space and
-freedom, of green islands, clean air, the smell of the water, and the
-yellow flow of it. Here, too, they found the secret places of their
-own souls. The twilight and then the dark came slowly down. They sat
-together upon the bench, their eyes rested by the open stretches before
-them, their hands close clasped, their bodies touching, and their soft,
-half-whispered words feeling out toward one another, as they brought
-to light all the past tragedies of their lives, all their sorrowful
-timidities. Here was one at last to whom everything might be told, who
-would listen, who would perfectly understand. They paused often to say
-in whispered wonder, “Why, I never told that to anyone before!”
-
-He told her there in halting phrases about his marriage. His disjointed
-words only touched upon the high places, like a child skipping across
-a brook on the stepping-stones. All the difficult everyday intercourse
-with his wife that had followed their union was a dark flood he did not
-dip into. What he did tell was enough for her to understand.
-
-“We lived in the same town together,” he said. “I’d known her always,
-off an’ on. She was mighty handsome--big and full of life. Everybody
-thought she was going to marry Warwick Preston. But I reckon they
-quarreled or something. Anyhow, him and Ethel Dow ran off and got
-married. She--Elizabeth--lived a few doors down the street from me. We
-met one evening--she was mighty fine an’ big-lookin’. She asked me to
-come an’ see her, an’ I went several evenin’s. One night she cried, an’
-said how lonesome she was. I was lonesome, too--”
-
-“I understand,” Julie cried hastily, and he went no further with his
-explanation. They turned away from the unhappy past to the miracle of
-the present.
-
-“We’re free! We’re free!” she exulted. “None of the little old fears
-can hold us any more. We’ve found ourselves, honey! We’ve found one
-another.”
-
-“It was you unlocked the door an’ set me free,” he burst out. “You’re
-my sister an’ my mother! You’re all I am. Oh, my little honey! My love!”
-
-“I’m your sister an’ your mother--I’m the one that would die for you!”
-she cried in answer.
-
-After that they needed no more words. Silence fell, and the dusk that
-had faded now into dark, wrapped them close about. They sat thus for a
-long time, but at last it was late, and rising they made their way hand
-in hand like happy children back to the three little rooms that were
-now their home.
-
-
-
-
-XV
-
-
-In the lodging-house in their new life together Julie and Mr. Bixby
-passed as Mr. and Mrs. Freeman. It was Julie who named them.
-
-“An’ that’s the truth; we _are_ free. It isn’t any lie,” she pleaded.
-
-“It’s God’s truth,” he affirmed solemnly.
-
-They kept their own first names, for they both clung tenaciously to
-the truth whenever it was possible. Indeed, they did not practise many
-subterfuges nor make any very great effort at concealment. In this big
-strange life of a city where neither of them had ever been before,
-it did not seem likely that he would be traced, or that a country so
-grimly occupied with war and great undertakings would pause long enough
-in all the mad confusion to note that one inconspicuous man had failed
-to appear at the place assigned to him. They were not worried either
-about finances. They each had a small stock of ready money, and Julie
-had a couple of Liberty Bonds which could be sold in case he found any
-trouble in getting work. They had agreed that he must leave his bonds
-for Elizabeth, although, as she had a small income of her own, she was
-independent of his support. He found a position almost at once in a
-printing establishment where war had left them short of men, and where
-they welcomed his expert services. Julie planned to seek work also
-later on, but for the present he entreated her not to.
-
-“No, take time just to be alive a while,” he begged. “Why, we’re almost
-as new as Adam an’ Eve; all I want you to do is just to help me name
-the animals.”
-
-“Name the animals!” she laughed, as no human being had ever laughed
-before at his small whimsicalities.
-
-They were both released into a gayety and laughter of life that
-heretofore had passed them by. Youth flowed back into Julie’s face,
-and with it her lost prettiness--or perhaps a fresh prettiness which
-even her youth had never known. Ordinarily the strangeness of their
-new surroundings, with the inevitable publicity of the lodging-house,
-would have terrified them both. But not now. As certain animals put
-their young in the centre of the flock, and then in companionship face
-the enemy boldly, so together they pooled their confessed weaknesses
-and fears, and thus were able to turn an assured front to the rest of
-the world. Their passion had released them. Heretofore they seemed
-to themselves to be clinging merely to the edges of life, but now
-they were at its flaming centre. Nay more, they were life itself;
-and from the heart of it they looked forth at the rest of the world
-with a fearless joy. Like children who make a tent out of a couple
-of chairs roofed by an old shawl and, creeping under it, find an
-enchanted world of their own, no matter what tragedies may be facing
-the grown-up people around them, so under the grim roof of a world’s
-war these two discovered a miraculous existence. After their long years
-of repression, in this sudden release they were intoxicated with the
-rapture of existence. For Julie the days flowed by in ecstasy, from
-early morning when she arose and prepared his breakfast, on through all
-the happy day as she attended to her small home tasks, and so to the
-fall of evening which brought him home again--every moment was a golden
-joy keyed to a hidden rhythm. Other people also became a delight to
-her. With that one defiant and releasing cry of hers, she had defied
-people, and found freedom; but now that she was free, she no longer
-held any grudge against them. Indeed, one of the keenest delights in
-her new existence was a fearless and easy intercourse with the rest of
-the world. Her happiness and vividness of life was such that it could
-not be contained within their own two personalities, but must flow
-forth in a warm friendliness to all the people with whom she came in
-contact--to the children in the street, the clerks in the shops and
-at market, and to the other lodgers in the house. With these last she
-found herself on friendly terms almost at once.
-
-They were ordinary enough people, but to Julie they seemed different
-from any she had ever known. There was Mrs. Watkins, who had the rooms
-across the hall from Julie on the first floor. She was a frail and
-tired little woman, wilted by the heat, and burdened with the care of
-four small children. She generally managed to get herself into a tidy
-dress late in the afternoon, but most of the day she went about in a
-wrapper, her hair in curl-papers, and her constant complaint, “My
-Lord, _ain’t_ it hot!” To help her with her sewing for the children was
-a delight to Julie. She did it so eagerly and so well, that even Mrs.
-Watkins’ fretful discouragement was pierced by gratitude.
-
-“My, but you’re kind! Why, you couldn’t be kinder to me if you was my
-own sister,” she burst out one day, as Julie held up a completed dress
-with pretty summer ruffles. “I never did think I’d get that dress
-finished for poor little Nell. Looks like the heat always drags me down
-so--but you! Why, you ain’t been at it no time, an’ now it’s all done.
-Nell!” she called out of the window into the hot street, “Nelly! run
-here a second; momma’s got something to show you, dearie.”
-
-The little girl entered the cluttered bed-sitting-room, a languid and
-pale little creature of eight years, but when Julie held up the little
-frock before her, her eyes lighted with joy.
-
-“Oh, momma!” she breathed, turning to her mother. “Oh, it’s done, ain’t
-it!”
-
-She seized the dress, and holding it up under her chin, danced away to
-look at herself in the faded mirror.
-
-“Oh, momma! Let me wear it this evening,” she pleaded, turning about
-from side to side, preening before the glass.
-
-“You better take time to thank Mis’ Freeman, ’stead er primpin’ like
-that,” her mother admonished her. “She’s the one finished it for you,
-she’s your friend.”
-
-“Thank you, thank you, marm,” the child said, turning toward Julie.
-The words were constrained and inadequate, spoken in obedience to her
-mother’s command; but as she stood there with the pink folds of the
-frock caught close to her and her pinched face flushed with happiness,
-she was a little point of color and joy that lighted up the discouraged
-room and made her mother’s eyes linger upon her fondly a moment, then
-turn for sympathetic understanding to Julie.
-
-“Look what else I got,” Julie said, and took a small package from her
-workbasket. The child unwrapped it shyly and a bright pink ribbon
-shimmered into view.
-
-“For my hair--to match the dress,” she breathed, and fell dumb with
-happiness.
-
-“My, but you’re kind!” Mrs. Watkins exclaimed again.
-
-“Oh, it ain’t anything,” Julie deprecated. “I love to see children
-in pretty clothes, an’ I like to sew. I used to do dressmaking up in
-the country where I lived.” With the words, suddenly the sight of her
-little shop in Hart’s Run staring with blank shuttered windows out upon
-the street, with its nasturtiums and sweet peas in the side yard, rose
-up in her mind and hung there a moment before it dissolved. It gave
-Julie a sharp stab of unexpected wistfulness.
-
-“I had a little shop once--a millinery shop, where I did sewing, too,”
-she confided. Somehow she felt she must speak of her home. It had come
-to her as a shy child comes to its mother’s knee, and she must give
-it some touch of recognition. “It was a shop in the front, and I had
-my living rooms in behind, and a little garden on the side with sweet
-peas and nasturtiums in it,” she went on, offering the inner vision
-propitiation.
-
-“My! That must’ve been nice,” the other said. “You’d like that. My
-Lord! Ain’t it hot! I wish’t I was in the country right this minute.”
-She mopped her face with a dingy handkerchief. “What was the name of
-the place?”
-
-“Oh, it’s just a little town up in the mountains,” Julie evaded. “You
-wouldn’t ever have heard of it.”
-
-“What’s its name?” Mrs. Watkins persisted. “Maybe I have. I had a
-brother used to be in the lumber business up in the western part of the
-state.”
-
-“Its name--its name--” Julie hesitated. She found it extraordinarily
-difficult to lie, and yet to speak the truth would be utter
-recklessness. All the time the little shop which had been her home
-seemed to hang there in her mind expectant, waiting to see whether she
-would own or deny it.
-
-“Its name’s Red River,” she said at last, with an effort. Instantly
-the picture of the shop broke and swirled away. “Oh, no, it isn’t! No,
-it isn’t!” she corrected herself breathlessly, and completely reckless
-now. “It’s Hart’s Run. Red River’s the county town. But it’s Hart’s
-Run--Hart’s Run,” she cried, “where my home was.”
-
-Then, terrified by what she had done, her heart began to flutter
-violently up and down and she looked wildly about for some means of
-changing the conversation. As she did so she caught sight through the
-window of a strange old woman going down the porch steps, and passing
-uncertainly out into the street.
-
-“Oh, Mrs. Watkins,” Julie whispered, “look quick. Who is that old
-woman?”
-
-Mrs. Watkins peeped out. “That? Oh, that’s the poor old soul lives all
-by herself up on the third floor. She’s mighty peculiar. It’s Miss
-Fogg.”
-
-“I’ve seen her several times, an’ meant to ask about her. What’s the
-matter with her? She looks--she looks dreadful,” Julie cried, glad to
-elaborate the subject, and hoping that the name she had spoken would be
-overlooked.
-
-“Well, she’s mighty peculiar,” Mrs. Watkins repeated. “I reckon she
-must be cracked.”
-
-“But she looks so strange, so--so awful,” Julie persisted.
-
-“Well, she’s really lookin’ better than usual right now. She has spells
-when she don’t come out of her room for days together, when she don’t
-even pretend to fix herself up. You think she’s awful looking now; but
-you just ought to see her then. She just stays shut up in that room
-and don’t see a soul except her canary bird, if you could call that
-a soul--just for days. I don’t know what in the world she does with
-herself--just sits an’ mopes, I reckon.”
-
-“But don’t people go in to see her, to see what’s the trouble?”
-
-“Oh, she don’t thank you to: she’s mighty peculiar, I tell you. An’
-proud--_who-ee!_ It’s enough to kill you with laughing, but that old
-rag-bag that looks like she hadn’t washed herself for a week--she
-thinks herself better’n anybody in this house. Wouldn’t that kill you?
-That’s because she used to go out sewing for some of the grand people
-here in town. That’s her trade--dressmaking.”
-
-“Oh, well, then she and I ought to get along,” Julie cried eagerly.
-“I’ll go to see her. I hate to have any one look so awful.”
-
-“She won’t thank you an’ she won’t see you; she’ll just slam the door
-in your face. She seems like she’s mighty suspicious of every one. She
-won’t have a thing to do with anybody, I tell you.”
-
-“I’m going to see her just the same,” Julie persisted. “It’s awful--the
-look in her face, I mean. It’s like she hadn’t a friend in the world.”
-
-“She won’t let anybody be friends with her, she’s so proud an’ touchy,
-an’ so peculiar.” Mrs. Watkins hastened to defend the neighborliness of
-the house. “People ain’t going to put up with it. Some of the ladies
-she sewed for used to come to see her and bring her things, but she’s
-so stand-offish even with them that they’ve about quit comin’.”
-
-“What does she live on?” Julie inquired.
-
-“Oh, she ain’t poor. She’s got some private means of her own. No,
-ma’am, she ain’t poor.”
-
-“There’s something dreadful the matter with her,” Julie said
-distressfully. “I met her one day on the porch and looked straight into
-her eyes, and I never saw anything so--so awful looking.”
-
-“Well, there was a doctor once came to see her; one of the ladies
-she used to sew for had him to come; an’ he said she was mighty bad
-off; said she had some sort of melancholia, an’ it wasn’t really safe
-to have her goin’ ’round loose; said she was liable to do something
-terrible.”
-
-“What? What would she do?” Julie’s eyes widened with apprehension.
-
-“I dunno.” The other shook her head. “Maybe kill herself, or
-something.”
-
-“How _awful_!” Julie gasped, appalled. “The poor, poor thing!”
-
-That night after supper, as they sat in the little park overhanging the
-river, Julie confessed to Tim that she had told Mrs. Watkins she came
-from Hart’s Run.
-
-“I don’t know how I ever came to do such a thing,” she said in a
-frightened voice; “I didn’t mean to speak of it; I tried not to. I
-tried my best to lie. An’ first I said ‘Red River,’ but right away I
-changed it to ‘Hart’s Run.’ I had to. It seemed like I’d almost slapped
-my home an’ all the days that were gone right in the face when I said
-‘Red River.’ I oughtn’t to have said ‘Hart’s Run’--I know I oughtn’t
-to. Oh, do you reckon it’s done any harm? Do you think we ought to move
-away some place else?”
-
-“No--no. It’s all right. I don’t expect she even noticed,” he comforted
-her. “It’s all right.”
-
-She was leaning against him, and he felt a tremor of fear shiver
-through her.
-
-“My little honey, it’s all right,” he whispered, his arm tightening
-round her. “It’s all right. I’m glad you said ‘Hart’s Run.’ I wouldn’t
-have had you not to. Don’t get scared.”
-
-They were all alone on the lower terrace of the park. At their back
-rose a steep bank. In front was the sheer drop to the river, overhung
-by the wide soft spaces of the misty air. Their hands met in a tight
-clasp, and for a moment they were silent in the ecstasy of their
-complete trust in each other. But after a moment she spoke diffidently.
-
-“Tim, I got a notion about our--our happiness.” They never spoke of it
-as love. “I want to tell you about it.” She had fallen into a little
-trick of saying eagerly, “I want to tell you,” or “I want to tell you
-all about it.” And always he answered, “Tell me, my little honey.”
-
-Since her mother’s death there had never been any one who had really
-wanted to hear what she had to say, and even her mother had not wanted
-it, had not understood, in the complete way that he did. Now, because
-of his understanding, her thoughts poured themselves out in a manner
-that astonished her. His creative sympathy made ideals and fancies,
-which heretofore had been too deep or too elusive to be expressed, come
-forth fleshed in words.
-
-“Tell me, my honey,” he said now.
-
-“Well, our happiness, Tim--it’s so--so alive, that it seems like it was
-a real thing running through us, like the way sap runs up the trees
-in spring. Oh, honey, ’til you came I was as dead as a winter branch,
-an’ now it seems like I couldn’t hold all the happiness, all the life
-that’s mine. I got to pour it out for other folks.”
-
-“What’s folks ever done for you, or for me, that you got to please ’em
-now?” he said unexpectedly.
-
-She was startled, frightened by his quotation of her own words. “Oh, I
-don’t feel that way now,” she cried. “I don’t feel it now that we got
-each other, do you? Do you, Tim?” she questioned anxiously, trying to
-read his face in the dusk.
-
-“No, I don’t now--now that we’re free,” he answered. “I know
-something,” he announced suddenly.
-
-“What? What do you know?”
-
-“Oh, honey! It wa’n’t really the other folks kep’ us down. It was our
-own selves, our scary selves that we couldn’t break free of.”
-
-She stared out into the wide dusk in amazement. “That’s the truth,” she
-said at length, with deep conviction. “It’s just the truth. Nobody
-to blame but our own little selves,” she repeated. “Nobody to blame,
-not--Why, Tim, not even Elizabeth!”
-
-“No, not even her,” he nodded back.
-
-They were neither of them bitter people; and with this revelation all
-their resentment towards the rest of the world melted away, leaving
-their hearts clean-swept and trembling with reverence toward the great
-happiness and emancipation that was theirs.
-
-“Oh, Tim, I _got_ to try an’ help people,” she whispered, presently.
-“I’m so happy I got to pour some of it out for somebody. That’s why I
-got to try an’ help that poor old Miss Fogg.”
-
-“Who’s Miss Fogg?” he questioned.
-
-“She’s that poor thing lives up on the third floor all to herself,” she
-told him. “Sometimes she shuts herself in for days and days and won’t
-see a soul, Mrs. Watkins was telling me. She’s awful to look at, just
-awful. She’s--she’s--oh, Tim, she scares me! She’s what _I_ might have
-grown into if you hadn’t come. I’ve got to help her! It seems like I
-owe it to our happiness to try an’ make her happy, to pour life back
-into her! Oh, honey, you don’t care if I take some of our happiness
-and give it away, do you?” she cried suddenly, twisting off whimsically.
-
-“Take all you want of it.” He made a gay, large gesture of bestowal.
-“There’ll always be a plenty to go round.”
-
-They broke into happy laughter together in the dusk.
-
-“Come on,” he proposed, jumping up. “Let’s go get us some ice cream.”
-
-So hand in hand, laughing softly together, they wandered away along the
-summer street.
-
-There was just one incident that momentarily disturbed for Julie the
-sheer felicity of that evening. As they approached Broad Street they
-realized that the lifeless air, which was redolent of tobacco from the
-factories farther down-town, and permeated as well with the smell of
-the hot pavement, of fruit stands and grocery shops, or enlivened with
-occasional whiffs of perfumery from a passing woman, was being lifted
-and woven into rhythm by a band. At the sound children broke their
-play and began to run, and grown people also stepped off their porches
-and hastened toward the music. Julie and Tim ran with the rest of the
-crowd, reaching the corner just as a detachment of marching men swung
-by in rippling khaki lines. The crackle of clapping hands from the
-small crowd which had assembled followed the strains of the band and
-the stamp of the men’s feet, and, as the flag came swaying past, the
-people cheered and cheered. Tim did not applaud. He stood very drawn
-and still, his eyes fixed upon the marching men; and suddenly, as the
-cheers broke out for the flag, he gripped Julie’s hand so violently
-that a ring her mother had given her on her eighteenth birthday cut
-sharply into her finger. She did not let herself wince, but she fixed
-her eyes upon his face. Once she twitched his hand, but he did not stir
-or turn from the soldiers. The detachment passed, the crowd began to
-disperse, and the band grew faint in the distance, but still he stood
-upon the curb, staring fixedly down the street. Julie gave his hand
-another little frightened pull, but he only tightened his grip so that
-the ring bit deeper into her flesh.
-
-“Oh, _Tim_!” she gasped involuntarily at the pain. “Oh, honey!”
-
-He started then and looked down at her as though coming back from far
-away. “My honey,” he muttered absently.
-
-“Let’s go get our ice cream,” she pleaded.
-
-“Ice cream?” He paused. “Why, yes--sure.”
-
-He was awake now. The soldiers had disappeared down the street. His
-spirit was back once more with hers, and the terror that had swooped
-upon her lifted and blew away.
-
-The rest of the evening was unalloyed happiness. His gayety overflowed
-almost boisterously. They had their ice cream, and then they went to a
-moving picture that made them laugh immoderately. After that, in sheer
-exuberance of life and joy they had more ice cream, and then at last,
-replete with happiness, they wandered home through the silent streets.
-
-
-
-
-XVI
-
-
-It was not, however, an easy matter to make friends with old Miss
-Fogg, as Julie discovered, in spite of her ardent longing to do so.
-The next morning, full of friendly desire, she went up the stairs to
-the bare third floor where the old woman had her room, and knocked
-upon her door. There was no answer. The empty hall was deserted and
-still save for the complaint of a few flies upon the dim unwashed
-window at one end, which gave what little light there was. Behind the
-closed door that faced her there was no sound. Julie waited there, the
-bearer of a cup of life that was brimful and eager to pour itself out
-in self-donation. A second time she knocked and waited, and finally a
-third time. Then at last she heard a noise within the room. The bed
-creaked, and footsteps came toward the door. The handle was turned and
-old Miss Fogg looked forth. In spite of herself Julie fell back a step
-or two. The old face staring out at her was so startling, so haggard,
-so defiant, and so horrible with despair, that she was speechless
-before it. For an instant the head was thrust out at her, its gray
-unbrushed hair, its withered neck set in torn nightgown-ruffles,
-looking like some grotesque despairing Jack-in-the-box. Then before
-Julie could muster a word, the face was withdrawn, the door banged
-shut, and the key twisted in the lock.
-
-Julie turned and fled down to her own room, her heart pounding, and her
-knees rather weak beneath her. “But I will get in to her yet. I will, I
-will!” she told herself.
-
-Later in the day she confessed her failure to Mrs. Watkins.
-
-“Well, didn’t I tell you that was just the way it would be?” the other
-said, taking a gloomy satisfaction in the coming true of her prediction.
-
-“But I will get in to help her yet,” Julie persisted. “She scares me;
-but I won’t let her shut herself up and suffer like that all alone. I
-can’t bear to think of it: it hurts me all through.”
-
-“Well, she’s not the only one suffering these days,” Mrs. Watkins
-returned sombrely. “Look at the awful things happening in Europe: young
-men being killed, an’ children starving, an’ old folks driven out of
-their homes.” Mrs. Watkins was holding her youngest child, a little
-boy of two, in her arms and rocking as she spoke.
-
-“I know,” Julie assented, “but that’s ’way off there across the ocean;
-Miss Fogg’s right here, right up over my head, suffering. The things
-that are happenin’ over there don’t seem so close.”
-
-“Don’t it seem close when it’s our own men, our own boys, fightin’?”
-Mrs. Watkins challenged. “My Lord! my youngest brother’s over there
-right this minute! It don’t seem far away to _me_--nor to my mother.”
-
-“I know, I know,” Julie answered hastily, breathlessly. “I know; but--”
-
-“You’re lucky that your man don’t have to go. Why was it you said they
-turned him down?”
-
-“It was--it was flat foot,” Julie said. She cleared her throat after
-she had said it, swallowing nervously, her eyes fixed upon her sewing.
-
-“Well, if I was you, I’d be glad he had it,” Mrs. Watkins went on,
-rocking her child in her arms. “I seen you in the crowd last night
-watching the soldiers. You didn’t see me, but I was noticing Mr.
-Freeman, an’ the way he looked after them men made me think he wished
-he was with ’em.”
-
-“Oh, no, he doesn’t!” Julie protested sharply.
-
-“Well, he _looked_ like he did, an’ if I was you I’d be glad he had
-that flat foot.”
-
-Julie did not reply. She went on earnestly setting the gathers she was
-running, and scratching them into place with her needle, and did it
-without looking up.
-
-“You’re lucky, an’ I’m lucky that my old man don’t have to go,” Mrs.
-Watkins continued. “But look at my little sister-in-law. There’s my
-brother had to leave her, an’ she lookin’ for her first baby any day,
-an’ no more’n a child herself. No, I’m sorry for Miss Fogg. She is a
-poor old derelict all right, but I don’t think of her first these days.”
-
-“I’m going to see her again to-morrow,” Julie said. “I’m going to get
-in to see her yet. She’s got to let me in to help her.”
-
-The next morning Julie went to market early, and purchased a little
-nosegay of summer flowers. She lingered some time in the cool shadow of
-the arcade where the flower stalls were. It was pleasant to come out of
-the dazzle of the street into the relief under the arches, where the
-colored women sold herbs and simple flowers, gathered from the fields
-or from their own small gardens outside the city. It was a place of
-lovely color, refreshing the eye and enlightening the heart. Here were
-pot marigolds, orange and yellow and straw color, all in a great basin
-together, with an old black woman in a blue checked apron bending her
-dark wrinkled face over them. There was a drift of white marguerites,
-and again crimson and pink zinnias in stiff bunches. Beyond them a big
-bunch of althea, goldenrod in yellow masses, and still farther on, with
-a streak of sunlight falling over them, a tub of cosmos, the pink and
-white blossoms feathered with the green of their foliage. The flowers
-were up on stalls or down upon the floor in tubs and buckets in long
-rainbows of color, with the dark faces of the Negro women beside them,
-and every now and then some added flash of pink or blue from the bright
-summer frock or parasol of a purchaser.
-
-Julie wished that Tim were there to share the delight with her. She
-would have liked to stand and look across the flower stalls with him
-beside her. It was hard to know what to buy, but at last she chose a
-little bunch of blue nigella, “love-in-a-mist,” and made her way home.
-
-Later in the morning she ventured upstairs again and, holding the
-flowers, which she had put into a glass of water, in one hand, she
-knocked upon Miss Fogg’s door with the other and waited as before,
-standing in the empty uncarpeted hall with her heart fluttering.
-
-There was no response to her knock; yet Julie could hear the sound of
-some one stirring in the room. Again she knocked and again there was
-no answer; yet Julie was sure that Miss Fogg was within. She waited a
-moment more, and then turned the handle tentatively. To her surprise
-the door was unlocked, and greatly daring, she pushed it open and
-walked in. Her first impression was of the ill-smelling and wretchedly
-untidy room; the next of old Miss Fogg standing by the side of her bed,
-glaring at her with furious, sunken eyes. She had on a soiled and torn
-nightgown, her gray hair fell wildly upon her neck, and her feet were
-bare on the floor.
-
-“Oh--oh please excuse me,” Julie faltered.
-
-“An’ who might you be?” the old woman demanded in a cold fury.
-
-“I’m--I’m Julie--Julie Freeman,” Julie said hastily, getting her words
-out as fast as possible before the storm broke. “I’m living here in
-the house. I brought you some flowers. I thought--”
-
-“_You thought!_” the other screamed. “You thought nothin’! You wanted
-to come pushin’ an’ pryin’ in here, sticking your nose where you got
-no business, an’ nobody wants you, just so’s you could run out in the
-street an’ tell everybody how old Miss Fogg lives!”
-
-“I didn’t, I didn’t!” Julie cried. “Of course I wouldn’t do such a
-thing.”
-
-But in truth she was so painfully aware of the whole dreadful state of
-the room that she dropped her eyes perforce before the faded glare of
-the other’s, and found herself staring down at the bare old feet.
-
-“Yes,” the old woman cried shrilly. “Look at my feet! Look at ’em good!
-Look at ’em, I tell you! An’ then run out an’ tell the world how you
-found old Miss Fogg in her dirty nightgown an’ her bare feet! Yes, look
-at ’em! Look at ’em, I tell you!”
-
-The distracted old creature began a sudden fantastic dance of rage and
-mortification, standing first upon one foot, and then on the other,
-while the free leg kicked defiantly out at Julie, the nightgown falling
-back from the withered shin. “Yes, look at ’em,” she screamed. “Yes,
-they’re dirty. Oh, my Lord! Go on, tell everybody what you seen!”
-
-“Oh, my dear, my dear,” Julie cried pitifully, “you know I didn’t come
-for that! I--I just wanted to bring you these flowers. I’m so sorry.”
-Her heart was jumping violently up and down; she wanted to turn and
-flee; but she forced herself to stay. “She’s crazy,” she thought. “She
-must be crazy. Oh, poor thing, poor thing! It was awful of me to push
-in like this, but now I am in, I’ve got to stay an’ help her.”
-
-“Look, I brought you some flowers,” she repeated. “I came to make
-friends.”
-
-“Friends!” the old woman shrieked at her. “_Friends!_ Oh, my God!”
-But her rage and her wild dance had exhausted her, and she sank down
-now upon the edge of the tumbled, unmade bed, trembling and shaken.
-“Oh,” she moaned, “ain’t it a cruel thing that a person can’t be left
-alone--not one minute--sick an’ miserable like I am! But strangers got
-to come pushin’ an’ crowdin’ their way in here to stare at my dirt
-an’ my rags! Take your eyes off my feet!” she broke out violently,
-beginning once more to dance her feet up and down upon the floor, as
-though shaking something off. “Take ’em off, I tell you--I feel ’em--I
-feel ’em lookin’, burnin’ holes in my feet!”
-
-With shaking hands she dragged at her nightgown, endeavoring to pull it
-down and cover her naked feet. But the material was old and rotten. It
-gave way under the violence of her hands, and a long tear was wrenched
-in it. For a moment old Miss Fogg stared at it, clutching the torn
-stuff and peering stupidly at her bare old knees exposed by the rent.
-Then she burst into impotent tears. “Look,” she wept. “Now just look
-what I done to my gown!” All the rage and defiance were gone. She was
-a despairing, helpless old woman weeping upon the edge of her bed,
-incapable any more of coping with the difficulties of life.
-
-“Oh, Lord! Oh, Lord!” she wept, her shoulders shaking convulsively
-beneath her straggling hair.
-
-The tears leaped into Julie’s eyes. She came quickly and laid a tender
-hand on her shoulder.
-
-“Never mind, never mind about your gown,” she comforted. “I’ll mend it
-for you.”
-
-“It ain’t my gown,” the other wept. “It ain’t _just_ my gown! It’s--O
-God Almighty! _It’s everything!_”
-
-“I know! I know!” Julie cried poignantly. “You’re sick. I understand.”
-
-“I’m crazy. I’m all in a kind of a daze.” The old woman wept
-convulsively. “O God, what’s the matter with me? I can’t seem to find
-myself.”
-
-She looked up at Julie, her mouth tremulous and her old eyes filmed
-with despairing tears.
-
-“I can’t find myself, I--I b’lieve I’m crazy,” she repeated
-desperately. “I can’t fix up no more. I ain’t got no heart left for
-nothing.” She turned her head dumbly from side to side. “I know
-everything’s dirty: it’s all in a mess. But I can’t fix up no more.”
-
-“You’re tired.”
-
-“Tired! I’m so tired I wish’t I was dead,” the other cried.
-
-“I know; I understand,” Julie’s tender hand still caressed her. “But
-I’ve come to help you. I’m your friend. I’ll fix everything up for
-you, an’ then you won’t feel so bad. Look at the flowers I brought
-you.”
-
-She held the gay, alluring little nosegay out. The old woman took her
-clinched hands down from her face, and stared dimly at it. Her cheeks
-were smudged with tears, and she swallowed convulsively, like a child
-when its storm of grief is past.
-
-“See,” Julie went on, her compassionate voice soothing her. “See,
-honey, I got them in market for you this morning. Look how nice an’
-fresh they are.”
-
-The flowers with their blue blossoms peeping through the netted
-greenery, like faces looking through latticed windows, seemed a
-lodestone to draw the old creature’s attention away from her despair.
-She put out one trembling finger and touched them uncertainly, and
-although she did not speak, she let her gaze linger upon them.
-
-“Where shall I set them?” Julie questioned, now for the first time
-daring to raise her eyes and look about the unhappy room. The whole
-place was in disorder. Dust lay everywhere; clothes were upon the
-floor and tumbled on chairs; the window was dim and smudged with dirt;
-a sick canary bird drooped in its cage, and a geranium plant was
-withered and dead in the window. The life had gone out of every small
-attempt at homemaking. The curtains, which had once been clean and
-festive, were soiled and torn now, and the white covers upon the bureau
-were crumpled. The spirit in the old woman which should have informed
-her dwelling place with life and cheer was as withered at its roots
-as the geranium in the window. There was just one thing which caught
-Julie’s eye amid all the squalor. That was the photograph of a young
-girl on the mantel shelf. Unlike the rest, it was dusted and cared for.
-The frame was bright and the glass clean. It appeared to stand as the
-last pinnacle of hope, over which the despair that had engulfed the
-rest of the room had not as yet surged.
-
-“Where shall I put the flowers?” Julie questioned again, and the
-old woman raised her eyes and pointed to the picture. “There,” she
-commanded.
-
-Julie stepped across and placed the nosegay before the picture. It was
-that of a young girl, dressed in a fashion of some fifteen years ago.
-
-“What a pretty little girl,” she said. “Who is she?”
-
-Old Miss Fogg stared at the picture through dim eyes. “My little baby
-child--all I got in the world,” she muttered at length and broke into
-fresh tears. “She’s all the kin I got in the world, but she’s married
-an’ gone, and I ain’t seen her for ten years,” she wept. “Oh, my baby,
-my honey! Why don’t you come see your old Tannie no more? O Sweetness,
-I want to see you so bad!”
-
-“You haven’t seen her for ten years!” Julie exclaimed. Instantly she
-saw the thin old shoulders stiffen, and felt an unseen veil drawn. Miss
-Fogg looked up in quick defiance, a crafty challenge in her eyes.
-
-“Who said she ain’t been to see me for ten years?” she demanded.
-
-“Why you said--” Julie faltered.
-
-“I ain’t said _nothing_!” the other stormed. “Folks tells lies. I don’t
-know what’s got into people. They ain’t got no idea about the truth
-no more. What business they got telling tales about my little honey,
-saying she ain’t coming to see me no more? They don’t know,” she spoke
-mysteriously, “but I’m expecting her most any day now. She’ll come to
-me soon, my baby’ll come soon to her old Tannie.” Her tone changed, she
-looked up at Julie, and spoke with a pathetic dignity, “I’m looking for
-a visit from my little niece,” she said. “I wouldn’t be surprised if
-she was to come to-day.”
-
-She made the statement defiantly, yet there lurked in her eyes an
-anguish of entreaty that implored Julie to confirm her.
-
-“Why, yes, indeed!” Julie answered eagerly. “Why, yes, she’s liable to
-come almost any day now.”
-
-“But she _don’t_ come! She don’t come! Oh, my baby! My honey! I want to
-see you so bad!” Once more the old woman began to rock herself to and
-fro hopelessly.
-
-“But she will come! She’ll come soon now,” Julie promised.
-
-Old Miss Fogg gazed up into her face, her mouth hanging open and
-tremulous with eagerness, as she gathered encouragement from Julie’s
-assurance. Then her eyes wandered away over the room.
-
-“But look!” she cried. “If she was to come, how’m I going to see her
-in this pigsty? I ought to fix up; but I ain’t got the heart--I ain’t
-even got the heart to wash my face,” she confessed looking at Julie
-piteously, the slow impotent tears gathering in her eyes.
-
-“Never mind, never mind,” Julie comforted her quickly. “You don’t have
-to worry. I’ll fix it all up for you. You lie down now,” she coaxed.
-“Lie down and rest a while, an’ I’ll get things straight.”
-
-To her surprise the old woman yielded, and let herself be helped back
-into bed, where exhausted by all her storms of emotion, she fell asleep
-almost immediately.
-
-That was the beginning of Julie Rose’s friendship with old Miss Fogg.
-Thereafter, as the days went by, tenderly, persistently, baffled
-sometimes by the old woman’s outbreaks of rage and suspicion, or worse
-still by the terrible inertia of depression which constantly settled
-over her, Julie gradually won her way further and further with the
-other, and by the sheer indomitable persistency of her compassion
-managed to drag her back occasionally almost to the shore of normal
-life. At least her room and her person were clean and in order, and
-Julie saw to it that she had regular meals--dainty little lunches
-cooked by herself. Sometimes she was rewarded by an outburst of
-gratitude, that usually ended in tears. “You’re good!” the old woman
-would cry seizing Julie’s hand convulsively. “I don’t know what you
-want to be so good to a poor old wreck like me for.”
-
-But sometimes she pushed her food away, and refused to eat. “What’s
-the use of eatin’?” she would weep. “Oh my Lord! What’s the use of
-_anything_ in this world? Oh, I wish’t I was dead! But I ain’t even got
-ambition enough to die!”
-
-Sometimes Julie coaxed her with flattery, into tidying herself up.
-“That black dress certainly is a handsome piece of goods, and that gray
-one, too,” she said.
-
-“Why, of course I got handsome clothes,” Miss Fogg retorted with a
-proud jerk of her head. “Why, who do you take me for? I don’t belong
-with all the common trash that lives in this house. I’ve sewed for all
-the best people in town. I ain’t used to common people; I’m used to
-quality. But these folks here--they’re as common as pig-tracks. You
-don’t s’pose I’d run with them, do you? An’ I’ve always been used to
-keeping myself nice an’ elegant. I wasn’t one to lay around in wrappers
-all day. But now--Oh my Lord!”
-
-“Look,” Julie hastily interposed, forestalling the rising tears. “Just
-see how nice you look with your hair fixed like I’ve done it to-day.”
-
-She held a mirror up, and Miss Fogg peered blindly at herself for a
-moment in silence. But as she looked a dim satisfaction grew in her
-face.
-
-“Why that looks real nice, don’t it?” she said, turning her head to one
-side with self-conscious shyness.
-
-Indeed, with her indomitable persistency Julie had won out of this
-human ruin some of the mellowed grace of a more fortunate old age. With
-the creative power of her devotion she had gone forth into the dark
-waters engulfing the old woman, had struggled there, and dragged her
-back into life; and having won a precarious hold upon her affection,
-she poured forth the overflowing joy of her heart in her service.
-
-Miss Fogg continued to stare at her reflection, her lip trembling
-slightly. It seemed as though the vision of her past self was given
-faintly back to her out of the mirror. She bent over and looked still
-closer. “Why,” she said slowly, “that’s _me_--that’s the way I used
-to be ’fore I lost my ambition.” She raised her eyes to Julie with
-a faltering surprise. “Why,” she cried, “Why you’ve give me back to
-myself.”
-
-She patted the ruffles at her neck, and smoothed her hair with a
-fleeting return of vanity.
-
-“I was always a great hand to keep myself fixed up nice,” she boasted.
-“An’ now you’ve put new life into me.”
-
-Julie looked at her suddenly, her eyes wide and shining.
-
-“That was what I came for,” she said solemnly. She took the old
-withered hand and pressed it against her own breast that was so warm
-and full of living happiness. “I came to bring you life,” she repeated.
-“I have so much--I’m so happy, so alive! I want you to share it.” She
-still pressed the withered hand against her breast with her warm and
-eager ones. “It’s all here in my heart, all the happiness and the life
-that any one in the world could need. It’s here for you. Don’t you feel
-it running out to you?”
-
-It seemed to Julie in that moment of intense donation as though
-indeed something out of her very heart rushed forth for the other’s
-re-creation. Her eyes burning with an almost unearthly light, she gazed
-down at the old woman and wrung a flickering response even out of that
-half dead personality, so that she leaned her head against Julie’s
-breast. “If anybody could put life into my old carcass, it would be
-you,” she said. “You couldn’t be any sweeter to me if I was your own
-mother.”
-
-“You _are_ my mother!” Julie cried passionately. “My mother, an’ my
-sister, an’ my child!” With the words, something seemed to open within
-her and she was conscious of so tremendous an inrush of life and
-insight that she was half frightened and made giddy by the swirl of it.
-
-She tried to tell Tim about it that night after supper. “I don’t
-know what it was,” she said, still half frightened, “but it was like
-something broke inside of me. I wasn’t just myself any more. An’ when
-I said that about her being my mother, it was _true_. An’ she was
-more than that even: she was my very self. It was like--like--” she
-hesitated; “like all my happiness and love had broke over and some of
-it flowed into her. It did flow into her, some of me did spill over
-into her. And just for a moment it was like the whole world was rushing
-through me. I was down at the heart of all the world. At the red-hot
-centre of us all. There wasn’t anybody so low I couldn’t understand
-’em, or so high up my happiness couldn’t reach to them. We were all
-brothers an’ sisters together there. Just for a minute--just for a
-second, Tim, the whole world was running through me. My love--_our_
-love--had broken open the doors, an’ let in all the rest of the world.
-But it--it scares me,” she faltered, gripping his hand tight. “It’s
-like a channel had been plowed straight through me by a river in
-freshet, an’ it’ll never close up.”
-
-“I know,” he returned, with the same awe. “I understand. I saw it, too.”
-
-“You saw it, too?”
-
-He nodded, looking at her strangely. “Yes, that time the soldiers
-went by, an’ I stood on the side of the street an’ let them pass; an’
-another time too, when we were at the pictures, an’ there were American
-boys goin’ up to the front. There was one--”
-
-But she would not let him finish. His look frightened her. It was
-aloof and far away as it had been when he watched the line of marching
-men go by. She caught his hand and began to talk very fast.
-
-“Oh, Tim,” she begged, “think of Miss Fogg! She’s getting better: I
-know she is. She kissed my hand to-day an’ said I’d given her back
-life.”
-
-“Julie--” he began again, but again she cut him short.
-
-“Think what our love’s done,” she persisted. “It’s given life to her:
-it’s our love that’s done it.”
-
-His expression was still aloof, and he struggled once more to speak.
-“Julie,” he began, but she would not have it.
-
-“Oh, Tim--honey! _Don’t!_” she begged; and with a little sob she buried
-her face against his breast. He stooped and kissed her then, and said
-no more.
-
-
-
-
-XVII
-
-
-As the days drifted by, it seemed indeed as though Julie’s passion
-of loving service had worked a miracle in old Miss Fogg--that broken
-vessel which life had cast upon the midden of the world. Her canary
-bird, restored to life, sang in the window. The geranium was dead; but
-Julie bought another, so the effect of the room was gay, with white
-curtains blowing in the wind, the bird’s song, and the flower in the
-sunshine.
-
-The room’s vigor and cleanliness inspired Miss Fogg to attempt mending
-her clothes and putting them in order.
-
-“It would be a right funny thing,” she said, “if I couldn’t put my own
-old duds to rights, me that always did the fine sewin’ for all the
-swellest brides in town.”
-
-Her fits of depression and indifference persisted but, sustained by
-Julie, she was more alive between the attacks, more able to look after
-herself.
-
-One morning when Julie went up to her, she found the old woman, a
-fantastic gingham cap upon her head, busy turning out all her drawers,
-with a spasmodic energy.
-
-“I got to get everything straight--all nice and clean,” she announced.
-“Wait,” she added. She tiptoed across to the door and closed it.
-“Sh-sh!” she whispered. “There ain’t a soul in this house a person can
-trust. They spy on me all the time. They peep at me over the transom
-an’ spy in at the keyhole. Ain’t it just awful what some folks will do?”
-
-She stood close to Julie and spoke into her ear mysteriously. “Sh-sh!
-there’s one of ’em at the keyhole now.”
-
-Julie went quickly over and threw wide the door. The hall was
-completely empty.
-
-“There’s nobody there,” she said. “You just thought you heard somebody.”
-
-“Hm!” the old woman retorted scornfully but still whispering. “So _you_
-think; but they don’t fool me. They’re quick enough to jump away when
-you open the door. I’ve quit doin’ _that_. I’m up to their tricks, an’
-I got a way to fool ’em all right.”
-
-Catching up an old spotted handkerchief, she hung it stealthily on the
-handle of the door. “There, that’ll fix ’em!” she triumphed. “If they
-want to peep, let ’em peep into that handkerchief. They’ll see all them
-red spots, an’ then they’ll run out in the street an’ say, ‘Old Miss
-Fogg’s done killed herself, an’ her blood’s all over the floor.’ That’d
-be funny, wouldn’t it?” She gave a sudden crazy laugh. “I _kin_ kill
-myself all right, but it won’t be none er their business if I do. It
-won’t be their brains on the floor.”
-
-A shiver ran through Julie.
-
-The old woman sank down upon the edge of her bed and stared at the
-floor. “That’s what comes of livin’ with common people,” she moaned. “I
-ain’t used to common folks an’ I ain’t a-goin’ to start runnin’ with
-’em now, me that’s sewed for all the best folks in town. I wouldn’t mix
-with this common lot, not to save their souls I wouldn’t; an’ my little
-baby child wouldn’t neither; she wouldn’t turn her hand over for er one
-of ’em.”
-
-“Maybe your little niece will come soon,” Julie said catching at that
-one bright hope.
-
-“Sh-sh!” the other commanded. Rising, she tiptoed over to the door
-again and, raising the handkerchief, bent her old back and peeped out
-through the keyhole. Then dropping it, she came back to Julie. “That
-was what I wanted to tell you,” she whispered. “I wouldn’t be surprised
-if she was to come soon now--real soon. I had a dream last night--I’m
-mighty apt to have dreams when anything’s goin’ to happen--an’ the
-dream said she was comin’ soon. That’s why I got to get everything
-straight for her.”
-
-“I’ll help you!” Julie cried eagerly. “We’ll get everything all nice
-before she comes.”
-
-Julie fell to work at once. The old woman attempted a fitful
-assistance, but her burst of energy gave out before it had carried her
-far, and soon she retired to the easy chair by the window, watching
-Julie with dull eyes, or staring down at her lap and moaning, “Oh my
-Lord, Oh my Lord!” from time to time.
-
-Julie was amazingly happy. So happy that she broke into little snatches
-of song as she moved about the room, dusting and cleaning it, and
-straightening the wild heap of garments in Miss Fogg’s drawers. So
-happy that the moaning old woman crumpled up in her chair did not
-seem repulsive to her, but rather, as always now, an outlet for the
-abounding joy that surged through her.
-
-There was only one little rift the whole morning through. That was when
-Julie essayed to open a small drawer in Miss Fogg’s bureau. She had
-turned out and straightened all the others, but when she came to this
-one it refused to open. Thinking it merely stuck, she tugged upon the
-handles, but was stopped by a sudden cry, almost a scream, from the
-old woman. “Leave that drawer alone, leave it alone, I tell you!” she
-cried. Julie jumped round, startled.
-
-Miss Fogg had sprung to her feet, and was glaring at her.
-
-“Oh my Lord!” she cried, “Can’t you leave _nothing_ be?”
-
-“I’m sorry; I didn’t know it was locked,” Julie apologized hastily.
-
-“My Lord! Can’t I have _no_ place to myself no more?” the other
-stormed, sinking down again and running her trembling hands wildly
-through her hair.
-
-“I’m so sorry,” Julie pleaded again. “See, I’m not touching it. I won’t
-touch it again.”
-
-But it took her some time to soothe Miss Fogg and to win her confidence
-once more; and always afterward Julie was conscious of a certain
-uneasiness on the old woman’s part whenever she came near that especial
-drawer.
-
-But on the whole it was a happy and beautiful morning for Julie, and
-even for Miss Fogg it held a faint return to life.
-
-Julie tried again that night to tell Tim what Miss Fogg meant to her.
-It was a mystery that she could not quite explain to herself. She was
-constantly drawn back to interpret it to him.
-
-“It’s like she was my child,” she said. “I’m giving her life. She’s
-mine. Everybody’s forgotten her. Life’s forgot her, an’ gone on by;
-but now I’ve come along, an’ brought some of it back to her. It’s like
-all the sufferings of the world had got a-hold of my heart, an I _had_
-to go down into hell to drag folks out. It isn’t just that poor old
-soul. She stands for all the rest: all of ’em that’s suffering. It’s
-something bigger almost than I can feel, but it’s got a-hold of me, an’
-it’ll _never_ let me go. Oh, my honey! my love!” she burst out, holding
-the lapels of his coat and staring up into his face. “You know what it
-is! It’s our love gone beyond itself--beyond just us, an’ out into all
-the world.” For a moment her eyes blazed up into his and her face was
-a white flame, then he put his hand over the wide gaze and turned her
-face against his breast pressing it there with both hands.
-
-“Little honey, don’t!” he cried. “You’re mine. Don’t slip away to all
-the world.”
-
-It made Julie happy when anyone in the house commented upon Miss Fogg’s
-improved condition. She was pleased when Mrs. Watkins said, “Well, you
-certainly are the miracle-worker! Who ever would have thought you could
-get that old soul to look so spruced up an’ reasonable. Why, she looks
-almost like real folks now.”
-
-Mrs. Watkins was rocking back and forth in a chair which creaked
-regularly as it struck a certain board in the floor, the while she
-fanned herself and the baby in her arms with a frayed palm-leaf fan,
-which she used also to emphasize her remarks.
-
-“She _is_ better, isn’t she?” Julie said, eager for more praise of her
-creation.
-
-“She is that,” Mrs. Watkins assented cordially. “But it’s you that’s
-done it.” She pointed the fan at Julie. “You mark what I say, it’s you
-that’s put life into the old graveyard-deserter. She hasn’t got any
-real life of her own: she’s just what you’ve made of her. You’ve put
-life into her like a kid blowing up a toy balloon; but if you was to
-quit blowing at her she’d go flat again, or maybe bust.”
-
-“I know,” Julie admitted uneasily. “That’s the reason I wish her niece
-would come to her.”
-
-“Niece?” Mrs. Watkins swept a fly off the sleeping baby’s face and
-paused, staring at Julie. “Niece?” she snorted. “I’m mighty doubtful
-about any niece, myself.”
-
-“Why, she’s got a photograph on her mantel of a girl that she says is
-her niece,” Julie cried.
-
-“Well, maybe she is. I don’t know for certain,” Mrs. Watkins returned,
-still doubtfully. “I know the picture. Miss Fogg used to let me into
-her room sometimes before she got so cranky an’ suspicious. An’ I know
-she _says_ it’s her niece, but if it is, believe me, she certainly
-don’t care one thing about her old aunt. Miss Fogg’s been in this house
-for all the eight years I’ve been here--for all she thinks we’re so
-common, she keeps a stayin’ with us--an’ I’ve never seen any niece
-in all that time; an’ she don’t ever seem to have no letters, or word
-of any kind from the niece--not even at Christmas--that I know of.
-My, ain’t it hot!” she interpolated, putting up one languid hand and
-plucking a wisp of hair back from her forehead. “I just b’lieve that
-photograph’s a picture of some girl she used to sew for, and she likes
-to b’lieve it’s kin to her, poor soul.”
-
-“Oh! it must be her niece,” Julie cried, distressfully. “It would be
-awful if it weren’t. Why, she’s all poor old Miss Fogg has in the
-world--the last straw of life that she clings to. It would be awful if
-she didn’t have her!”
-
-“Well, I hope in my heart she has got a niece,” Mrs. Watkins returned.
-
-“She ought to be here,” Julie persisted. “She ought to come to Miss
-Fogg, in case I have to leave.”
-
-“Why, you thinkin’ of goin’ away?”
-
-“No--Oh, no. Not really,” Julie evaded hastily, with that little
-breathless catch in her voice which was characteristic of her under any
-stress. “No. But I might.”
-
-“Well, it would be a sad day for everybody in this house if you was
-to leave,” Mrs. Watkins said heartily. “You’ve got something about you
-most people ain’t got. You’re so--so good.”
-
-Julie looked up, her eyes wide and horrified.
-
-“Oh--Oh, no! I’m not. Don’t say that,” she faltered blindly.
-
-It was after her talk with Mrs. Watkins that Julie made a fresh attempt
-to get Miss Fogg to write to her niece. The old woman would never give
-her either the niece’s name or her address. That and the locked drawer
-in her bureau were the only things over which she evinced the secretive
-suspicion toward Julie that she showed toward every one else. When
-Julie tried again that afternoon to persuade her, she firmed her lips
-obstinately.
-
-“I’ll write if I want, an’ I’ll not if I don’t,” she announced.
-
-“Look,” Julie coaxed. “See, I’ve brought you in ink and paper and
-everything. See what nice paper this is.”
-
-Miss Fogg took the paper and inspected it critically. “That’s right
-nice,” she admitted. “I wouldn’t write to her on any but the best
-paper; she thinks a heap of having things stylish.”
-
-Julie drew up a table and spread the writing materials invitingly upon
-it.
-
-“There now, just write her a few lines,” she begged.
-
-The old woman looked at all the preparation dimly, but presently she
-really did pick up the pen, and squaring herself at the table made a
-few trembling strokes. “My baby child,” she scrawled, the line running
-slantingly down the paper. “My little baby,” she attempted again and
-then, staring at the words, she broke down in tears. “I can’t do it,”
-she wept. “I can’t. I can’t get beyond ‘My baby child.’ I just think of
-her like that. She don’t seem to me like a grown person, an’ it’s all I
-can think to say.”
-
-“That’s plenty: that’s all she’ll need,” Julie comforted her. “I’ll
-write her a letter and tell her all about everything, and put in what
-you’ve written.”
-
-“Well,” the old woman consented shakingly, “well, tell her--Oh, tell
-her please to come! Tell her not to be mad at me.” And then all at once
-the secret of the old woman’s heart burst forth. “She’s mad at me about
-something. She won’t come. I’ve written and written--of course I have.
-But she don’t even answer. She don’t send a word. She’s gone back on
-me.” She looked up at Julie, her old face all distorted and twitching.
-“Don’t tell--don’t you tell any of these onery folks--but she’s gone
-back on me. She don’t ever write nor nothin’. Not even Christmas time.
-I ain’t told on her. I’ve kep’ it all to myself, here in my breast--but
-it’s erbout killed me. All I’ve got in the world! All--” The words fell
-into sobs.
-
-“But she _will_ come now!” Julie promised with poignant sympathy. “She
-just doesn’t understand. But I’ll write so she’ll see she must come.”
-
-“Well--you write,” the other agreed with a pathetic confidence in
-Julie. “Maybe she’ll come for you. Tell her--Oh, tell her her old
-Tannie is sick an’ wants her. ‘Tannie,’ that was what she always called
-me: it was as near as she could come to saying ‘Aunt Annie’ when she
-was little.”
-
-Julie did write. She did not know the niece’s name, and was afraid to
-ask, dreading a return of that sly suspicious look that was always
-brought out on Miss Fogg’s face when she questioned her too closely
-about anything. So she began the letter “Madam,” and when she came to
-the signing of her own name, she hesitated. She had never yet brought
-herself to write, “Julie Freeman.” She had always managed in some way
-to avoid doing so. For all that she had said that the name was no lie,
-she could not make herself write it. But her own name she dared not
-put. So in the end she signed it, “From a Friend.”
-
-She wrote urgently, and enclosed the sheet on which Miss Fogg’s
-trembling words, “My baby child,” went slanting down the paper. Then
-she sealed the envelope and stamped it.
-
-“Now then,” she said with an assumption of confidence that she did not
-feel, “what’s her address?”
-
-To her despair she was met by the old crafty look in Miss Fogg’s eyes.
-
-“That’s all right--that’s all right,” the old woman said with dignity.
-“Just lay it there, an’ I’ll back it when I git ready.”
-
-Julie was blank with disappointment, but it was useless to insist, so
-she left the letter sealed and stamped and ready for the address. She
-did not know it, but that night when all the house was quiet, old Miss
-Fogg slipped out and, going secretly down a side street, posted the
-letter which she had managed to address, after looking all about and up
-and down to be sure that no one was spying at her.
-
-
-
-
-XVIII
-
-
-The summer days slipped by. The intense city heat of mid-August burned
-itself up toward September.
-
-Old Miss Fogg waited and waited, but there came no answer to the
-letter. Julie fought against the old woman’s despairing disappointment,
-buoying her up with the power of her own spirit. She had often the
-feeling that wide wings spread themselves, out of the sheer force of
-her devotion, and bore that broken and defeated bit of old age up into
-a sunny atmosphere. Then she would be rewarded for all her pains. A
-faint flush would run into the old cheeks, she would look at Julie out
-of clear eyes from which all the crafty despair was momentarily gone,
-and which were almost as serene as the eyes of a happy child. It was
-that look which was a reward for all Julie’s efforts. She was thinking
-of it, hoping for it one day as she came along the street late in the
-afternoon. She was to have a little party for Miss Fogg that evening.
-The old woman was coming down to have supper with Julie and Tim and
-perhaps, if they could coax her into it, to go to a moving picture
-afterward. For the occasion Julie had done up one of Miss Fogg’s
-white muslin waists for her, earlier in the afternoon. She had done
-it with especial care, and was proud of her handiwork. She took it
-upstairs, holding it daintily on a coat-hanger so as not to wrinkle its
-perishable freshness, and displayed it to the old woman. Miss Fogg had
-looked really pleased, and had promised to put it on.
-
-Julie was bringing home now a number of small packages for the supper
-party. All the preparations filled her with an intensity of happiness.
-So much so that merely doing them was not enough; she must sit down a
-moment and think them all over. Accordingly, when she came to Monroe
-Park on her homeward way, she sat down for a moment on one of its
-benches. The park was shady, with the slanting green-gold light of
-late afternoon sifting through the trees. Silver showers from the
-fountain sprayed up and caught the sunlight, and groups of very small
-children, looking almost unearthly in that glamour of green and gold
-effulgence, ran and played upon the grass, or up and down the paths,
-their laughter a whimsical undercurrent beneath the grown-up noises of
-the city.
-
-Julie let her eyes rest happily upon them, while through her mind
-there drifted one pleasant picture after another: Miss Fogg’s crisp
-shirt-waist, the pleased look on her old face when Julie had brought it
-to her; the purchasing of the materials for the party, all of which lay
-now in her market basket beside her; the little basket itself, which
-had been a gift from Tim, so neat and pretty with a gay pink pattern
-woven into it. Then going forward she visualized the supper-table
-spread with clean linen and set forth with her rosebud china, which
-also had been a gift from Tim. Julie was an artist in homemaking, and
-these small and happy things were the material of her art. Out of them
-she was to weave a little supper which was for her almost as much a
-creative act as is the composition of a symphony for a musician. In the
-ardent contemplation of her small creation, she overflowed with joy.
-
-“Oh Lord, I’m so happy--so happy! I got to make a gift out of the
-happiness!”
-
-She rose then and made her way home. Arrived there, she put her
-bundles carefully away in their little makeshift ice-box, which Tim had
-devised and which was really very successful, and then passed through
-into the front room to look forth and see if he might by any chance be
-coming. The shutters were drawn together to exclude the heat. Stooping,
-she peeped through them and, in the bright sunlight without, saw a
-figure coming up the walk, the sight of which made her suddenly fall
-down upon her knees beneath the window sill, crouching close against
-the wall.
-
-It was Elizabeth Bixby; and she was entering the house now.
-
-She came so close upon Julie’s entrance that it was impossible not to
-suppose she had seen her and was following. Julie crouched helplessly
-beneath the window. She wanted to run to the door and lock it fast,
-but she felt powerless to move. She cowered in a heap upon the floor,
-waiting for Elizabeth to enter and find her.
-
-“I must get up. I must stand up on my feet,” she kept thinking. But
-still she did not rise. She felt utterly defenseless, utterly uncovered
-and at the other’s mercy.
-
-If she could only have slipped across and locked the door, that would
-have given her an instant’s pause to gather herself together before
-Elizabeth’s entrance; but she could not move to do it.
-
-“I’ll stand up. I’ll stand right up on my feet and meet her as soon as
-I hear her hand on the door,” she whispered to herself, every nerve in
-her body keyed for the expected sound.
-
-But the sound did not come; a miracle happened; Elizabeth did not pause
-at Julie’s door. Julie heard her enter, heard her ask Mrs. Watkins
-some question, and then heard her feet beat a sharp patter along the
-passage and upstairs. Had she made a mistake? Been directed to the
-wrong room? Very slowly Julie relaxed and got upon her feet, her knees
-weak beneath her. She crept across and turned the key in the lock at
-last. Now there was a momentary barrier set between herself and that
-hand upon the door which she felt sure must come. Then she sat down in
-a chair and waited, her hands clinging tight together in her lap. She
-waited a very long time, an hour at least it seemed, and, except for
-an occasional shifting in her chair, a clasping and unclasping of her
-hands, or a faint dumb turning of her head from side to side, she did
-not stir. There was nothing she could do. She did not know where to
-find Tim, even if she had dared to slip out and search for him. He had
-told her he had some errands to do for the printer, and would probably
-be a little late. She did not know by which street he would return.
-There was nothing therefore to do but wait--wait for the footsteps
-to come down from upstairs, or for Tim’s to come up the cement walk
-outside. So she sat staring helplessly down at her clasped hands. She
-looked at them so long and steadfastly that they seemed at last to be
-detached from herself, not to be her hands any more, but to be separate
-personalities, small personalities--little people clinging very tight
-together there in the world of her lap, as though some disaster
-menaced. She felt dimly sorry for them.
-
-At last she heard a door upstairs open--she was not sure which one it
-was--and then the steps that she knew were Elizabeth Bixby’s came down
-the stairs and down the hall. They would be at her door in an instant.
-The two little personalities in her lap, that were made of her hands,
-jumped desperately tight together. But again the feet did not pause,
-but pattered definitely past and out into the street. Julie leaped up
-and peered through the blinds. Perhaps she was mistaken: perhaps it was
-not Elizabeth after all. But it was. She saw her face distinctly as she
-went down the steps--and saw something else as well. Elizabeth had been
-crying--was still wiping her eyes rather blindly. How strange that was!
-What could have moved _her_ to tears? The surprise of this stayed for a
-space the leap of relief over her departure; but in a moment it came,
-and Julie relaxed all over as though a warm beneficent tide flowed
-through her. Perhaps they were safe after all. Safe--
-
-At this point there came an imperative knock and, when Julie forced
-herself to go over and open the door, she found Mrs. Watkins there
-eager with news.
-
-“Well, you was right after all!” she announced. “The miracle’s
-happened. Miss Fogg’s niece’s been to see her--that was her just went
-down the steps.”
-
-“_That?_” stammered Julie. “That--that lady that just went down the
-steps--Miss Fogg’s niece?”
-
-Mrs. Watkins nodded. “M--h’m, that’s the wonderful niece. She asked me
-did Miss Fogg live here, and when she went away she told me she was her
-niece. She’s been upstairs with the old soul a right smart spell, an’
-I heard her tell her when she left she’d be back to see her again in
-a couple of days. She said she was going to Camp Lee for a day or so.
-When she left I seen she’d been cryin’.”
-
-“Yes,” Julie said, “I saw that, too.”
-
-“I reckon it must of upset her to find the old lady so bad off. Soon
-as she’d gone I flew upstairs to see how the old soul was takin’ it.
-But she’s got her door locked, an’ wouldn’t answer or let on she was
-there when I called her name. Oh, I reckon I’m too common to hear about
-the grand niece! But you go up, dearie, an’ hear the news. She’s your
-baby--she’ll talk for you.”
-
-“I--I _can’t_!” Julie gasped and put her hand to her head. “I feel
-so--Oh, I feel so bad,” she faltered.
-
-“Why, you do look real white!” Mrs. Watkins exclaimed with concern.
-“What’s the matter? How do you feel bad?”
-
-Julie sat weakly down in a chair. “I--feel--shaky,” she got out
-slowly, speaking with difficulty.
-
-“You lie right down, an’ don’t do a thing for a spell. I’ll bet it’s
-the heat--you ain’t used to this city heat--an’ you seem to have a kind
-of a nervous chill, too.”
-
-“I’m--I’m all right,” Julie got out, struggling to keep her teeth from
-chattering. “I reckon it is the heat. I--Oh don’t--don’t bother. I’ll
-just lie--down a little bit.”
-
-She went unsteadily over, Mrs. Watkins piloting her, and lay down
-upon the sagging plush sofa, a sofa that had adjusted its spring to
-accommodate the weight, and probably the sorrows also, of many human
-beings before her.
-
-“Yes--now, that’s right,” Mrs. Watkins said, giving her a pat as she
-settled a cushion for her. “What you want is to keep right still. Don’t
-stir now. Just lay still an’ think about nice things. Think about Miss
-Fogg’s niece bein’ here at last. Ain’t that a wonder? It ought to
-please you, after you worked so hard to get her here.”
-
-Looking up at her from the sofa, Julie suddenly brought her hands tight
-together, and burst into a high startling scream of laughter.
-
-“Why, so it was! It _was_ all my doing!” she gasped, shaken by one
-shuddering gust of laughter after another.
-
-“What on earth ails you? That ain’t as funny as all that,” Mrs. Watkins
-cried. “Hush, hush now! Hold on to yourself, Mis’ Freeman. Quit that!
-You’ll be in hysterics d’rectly.”
-
-“No, no! It isn’t funny. I won’t laugh. I promise not to laugh,” Julie
-gasped, biting her lips hard together between sentences, and fighting
-to choke back the wild paroxysms. “I won’t laugh. And _she_ was crying!
-I saw her crying! Oh--” The tension broke and she collapsed into a
-flood of tears.
-
-“There now, that’s better.” Mrs. Watkins patted her shoulder. “Now
-you’ll be all right in a little bit.”
-
-“I--I am all right,” Julie affirmed presently, pressing her hand
-against her shaking mouth. “Don’t mind me--don’t. I--I just get this
-way sometimes.”
-
-“We all do, us poor women--specially in this heat,” the other answered.
-“You’ll be all right now the storm’s broke. Just lay right still. I’ll
-be back in a little bit, an’ see if the clouds ain’t all gone, an’ the
-rainbow come: maybe you’ll have found the pot of gold at the end of it
-by then.”
-
-Mrs. Watkins went off, shutting the door after her, and Julie
-was alone. She did not cry or laugh any more. She was very
-tired--completely spent--and a little confused also, so that as she lay
-there with closed eyes, what Mrs. Watkins had said as she went out kept
-repeating itself through her mind. “The end of the rainbow! The end of
-the rainbow!”
-
-
-
-
-XIX
-
-
-Tim found Julie still limp upon the sofa when he came home. She opened
-her eyes and stared up at him. He knew at once that something was the
-matter, and came quickly and knelt down beside her, laying his hands on
-hers.
-
-“What is it? What’s happened?”
-
-“Elizabeth’s been here,” she answered, still lying helplessly on the
-sofa and looking at him.
-
-“_Elizabeth?_”
-
-She told him then all about it. “I fell down under the window--I
-couldn’t seem to stand up--but I would have stood up if she’d come
-in--I would have, Tim--but she didn’t come.”
-
-“She didn’t come? Then she didn’t see you--she doesn’t know we’re here?”
-
-“No: it wasn’t for us she came. She’s Miss Fogg’s niece--the one she’s
-always talked about. Oh, Tim, did you know? Did you know Elizabeth had
-an old aunt?”
-
-He stared away out of the window a moment, searching his mind. “Yes,
-she did speak once or twice of an aunt--but not often. She hadn’t seen
-her for years. I never heard her right name. She called her by a baby
-name.”
-
-“She called her ‘Tannie,’” Julie said. “It was short for ‘Aunt Annie.’”
-
-“Yes, that was it,” he nodded.
-
-They were silent, their eyes fixed upon each other’s face.
-
-“Oh, Tim, I did it!” Julie broke out. “I brought her right here. It was
-me made Miss Fogg send the letter. I never rested ’til I got her to. I
-worked and worked at her ’til I got it sent. I did it.”
-
-“Never mind, never mind, honey. You couldn’t know. How could you? It
-was my fault, not recollecting. But she didn’t see you?”
-
-“No, she didn’t see me.”
-
-“Then it’s all right. We’ll leave here right away.”
-
-“Leave here?” Julie looked around the little room blankly.
-
-“Why, yes, honey. We got to leave. She’ll be coming back again.”
-
-“She won’t be back for a little bit,” Julie said.
-
-“How’s that? How do you know she won’t be back?”
-
-“Mrs. Watkins heard her say she was going away for a day or so.”
-
-“Going away? Where’s she going? Did she hear where she was going?”
-
-She was silent, looking at him.
-
-“Did she hear where she was going?” he persisted.
-
-“Camp Lee,” she answered at length.
-
-“_Camp Lee?_”
-
-She nodded.
-
-He turned his head away, a sudden spasm constricting his mouth.
-
-“Oh, my honey!” she broke out with a little sob, “I know--I understand
-how you feel.”
-
-But this time he silenced her, turning her head against his shoulder
-and pressing it there. “There! It’s all right. It’s all right. There
-now.” He held her fast. And after a moment he said, “We’ll see about
-moving right away.”
-
-“Oh, Tim, our home! Our little rooms where we’ve been so happy!”
-
-“I know--I know! But we’ll find another place,” he comforted her.
-
-She raised her head presently, and held him off. “But Tim, think of her
-being Miss Fogg’s niece! Oh, I _hate_ that! Miss Fogg’s mine: she’s my
-child. I made her. Elizabeth’s never done one thing for the poor old
-woman; but I worked over her with all my heart. It’s true what Mrs.
-Watkins said about my blowing the breath of life into her. That’s what
-God did in the Bible for Adam. Oh, I oughtn’t to think such things--but
-that’s the way I felt--something right out of myself went into that old
-soul an’ gave her life. And all the time--all the time, she was _her_
-aunt!” She paused, but in a moment she spoke abruptly. “Tim, she was
-crying when she went down the steps. What could have made her cry?”
-
-He shook his head. “I don’t know.”
-
-Again they were silent, looking into one another’s faces questioningly.
-They were suddenly at sea in the wine-dark waters of life, swept from
-all their moorings, confused and uncertain, and they looked at each
-other in search of some fresh anchorage. The shadows were gathering in
-the room now; it was almost dark; and at length he rose and lighted the
-gas.
-
-“There! Now what about a little bite to eat?”
-
-It was an inspiration on his part. It brought her back to the reality
-of the moment, comforting and restoring her as nothing else could have
-done. In the simple preparations for the meal, their familiar happy
-life flowed back upon them as though, after all, it was to continue.
-They both clutched at it eagerly. It had seemed to be broken and gone;
-but now in the laying of the table, the setting forth of the knives
-and forks and dishes, here it was again, come back more alive, more
-poignant than ever, as though some worker in the ground who thought
-his mine exhausted had stumbled unexpectedly upon a vein of metal more
-pure than all the rest. It was soul-restoring for them both. He helped
-her, and she laughed a little with a shaken tender mirth at his way of
-doing things. Together they placed Julie’s best cups upon the table,
-the cups that he had given her, that had pink rosebuds flecked all
-over them, and which meant more to her and to him than any other cups
-could ever mean. The food, the daintily spread table, the knives and
-forks, the little cups particularly, seemed all to embody and make real
-their companionship, as though what was in their hearts, that vivid
-and beautiful essence of their life together, had poured itself forth
-materialized before their eyes in these familiar creatures, small and
-endearing. But when the meal was all prepared, and the table spread,
-Julie and Tim stood, hesitating.
-
-“I can’t go up and get her: I can’t go now,” Julie faltered. He knew
-she meant Miss Fogg, for whom the party had been planned.
-
-“Oh, well, maybe she’ll come down of herself,” he answered.
-
-She brightened. “That’s so. Maybe she will. Let’s wait a little bit and
-see.”
-
-They stood for a time with their hands on the backs of their chairs,
-and surveyed the dainty repast. But nothing happened.
-
-“No, she won’t come by herself,” Julie said forlornly, at length. “I
-know she won’t.”
-
-He caught the falling note in her voice, and his love hurried toward
-her with words of protective tenderness.
-
-“Well, she’d come quick enough if she could just see how nice you’ve
-got everything fixed for her,” he cried. “Just give a person one look
-at this table, an’ I’ll bet you couldn’t drive ’em away from it with a
-stick.”
-
-She looked up quickly and gratefully, a little laugh trembling on
-her lips, and about to reply, when a sudden faint noise at the door
-arrested her. Her nerves were on edge, and any noise now was startling.
-
-“Oh, Tim!” she breathed faintly, and wavered toward him. He was beside
-her in a moment, his arm fast about her. So they faced the door and
-waited. The sound came again, and with a little catch of breath Julie
-whispered, “Look!” and pointed. A bit of white paper was creeping in
-under the door-sill. They stood and watched it with fixed eyes. It came
-in slowly, uncertainly, making a little scratching sound as it came.
-A long black hairpin was being used to push it in: they saw the sharp
-wire line of it dark against the white of the paper. Slowly, thoroughly
-it came creeping under the door. Then with a final poke the hairpin was
-withdrawn, and the paper lay there white upon the floor. A faint pause
-followed, and then footsteps creaked away down the hall.
-
-Tim stooped quickly and snatched the paper up. It was a flimsy half
-sheet, and was folded into a note.
-
-“What is it?” Julie faltered. Some words were scrawled on the outside.
-It took a little time to puzzle them out. “Don’t read till I say when,”
-they deciphered finally.
-
-“Oh, it’s Miss Fogg!” Julie cried with an unsteady laugh of relief.
-“But what does she mean? How are we to know when she says ‘when’?”
-
-As the question died on her lips she was answered by the sudden
-explosion of a pistol-shot. An instant of caught silence followed, and
-then doors were banged open and people began to run through the house.
-“_Miss Fogg!_” Julie screamed. She and Tim ran also, down the hall and
-up the stairs. When they reached the place, the room was crowded full
-of people. The locked drawer in her bureau was pulled open, and old
-Miss Fogg lay on the floor, a pistol beside her, slipped out of her
-dead hand.
-
-The people were talking disjointedly, crowding in, and one was stooping
-down touching her. Their words came in confused ejaculation. “She’s
-dead--just as dead as a nit!” “My Lord! what a sight!” “She done it
-with that pistol.” “Don’t touch her. Don’t touch her, I say! She’s
-dead, all right.” “But she wa’n’t dead when I got here; she give a
-kind of a flop or two just as I got to the door.” “Well, she’s dead
-now. The poor crazy old soul!” “She’s killed herself all right!” “Don’t
-touch her, I say! Don’t! You got to let her lay like she is till the
-coroner comes.” “Mind! you’re gettin’ your hands all into it.” “_My
-Lord! What a sight!_”
-
-Julie took one look at the figure on the floor, at the old face, at the
-gray hair that she had sometimes brushed, at the muslin waist she had
-pressed so carefully, all streaked now--and something crashed within
-her. She reeled against Tim. “Take me away--downstairs,” she panted.
-
-He supported her down the narrow steps, and back into their own rooms.
-She sank on a chair.
-
-“Read her letter,” she commanded.
-
-He took the twist of paper and, unfolding it, puzzled over it for a
-time in silence. “It’s mighty hard to read; it’s written so funny;
-she’s left out a lot of words, and written some twice over, an’ all
-running down on the paper,” he hesitated.
-
-“Read it, read it!” she cried. She was sitting bowed over, her elbows
-on her knees, her face hidden in her hands.
-
-He read, picking the words out with difficulty.
-
-“It commences, ‘Dear’--just that: she forgot to put the rest, I reckon.
-‘Dear, I can’t stand no more. My niece, my baby--baby,’ (she’s got
-that twice over) ‘to see me to-day.’ (She’s left out something here)
-‘trouble. She’s in awful trouble. Her husband’s left an’ gone with
-another woman. She’s all broke up by it. My baby she cried and cried.’”
-
-He paused.
-
-“Don’t leave out anything: read it all--_all_,” she breathed from
-behind her hands.
-
-He went on again: “‘An’ now the law’s lookin’ for him. My poor little
-baby child! All I had. I can’t stand up against this trouble--disgrace.
-People talk, always peeking and spying at you, an’ talk. I ain’t got no
-more to live for now, an’ I don’t want to live--’”
-
-He hesitated.
-
-“All, Tim, _all_!” she cried out again.
-
-“‘Don’t want to live if there’s bad people in the world like what
-took my baby’s husband. She was all I had to set my heart on. You
-understand. You been good--good to me.’ (She’s got ‘good’ written twice
-over, Julie.) ‘I take my pen in hand--these few lines. Don’t let any
-one be blamed. Nobody to blame but that woman. You been good to me. I
-thank you, an’ so no more at present from your poor old friend, Eliza
-Annie Fogg.’”
-
-He dropped the paper, and turned to her. “Julie! Honey!” he cried.
-“Julie, _don’t_ take it so hard! She was just a crazy old woman:
-anything would have made her do it!”
-
-Julie raised her ghastly face, staring at him. “She was my child,” she
-said, “and I’ve killed her. Oh, you don’t know; but she was like my own
-child. She was in the dark, an’ sufferin’. I had so much happiness--I
-thought it would give her life. Instead--”
-
-“Julie, she was crazy!” he pleaded.
-
-Her eyes, though she still stared at him, were remote, fixed upon an
-inward picture.
-
-“Tim,” she said. “It was all over the clean waist I pressed for
-her--all over it. I’ve killed her. And--and Elizabeth too, she was
-crying.”
-
-“Elizabeth! _Her_ tears--” he broke in violently, but she silenced him.
-
-“No, don’t speak now; don’t. Let me alone. I’ve got to be by myself and
-think it all out alone. I’ve got to think.” She rose unsteadily.
-
-She stood looking at him one moment more, dumbly, uncertainly, groping
-perhaps to find something for his consolation, but she found nothing,
-and in the end she evaded his outstretched arms, murmured blindly,
-“I got to be alone--I got to think it all out,” and passed from the
-kitchen and through to the dark of the sitting-room, where she shut the
-door fast behind her.
-
-He sank down in a chair and sat on all alone in the room, where the
-lights were bright and the supper still waited upon the table in
-festive expectancy. Every now and then his eyes traveled around the
-room with its air of frozen gayety, but always they returned to the
-floor, and so he remained, his legs stretched out in front of him, his
-hands driven into his pockets, and his head bowed.
-
-He sat there a long time until his legs grew stiff and went to sleep.
-Then he stirred uneasily, drawing them in, and looking again at the
-waiting meal.
-
-“I reckon I better eat something; it’s gettin’ late,” he whispered
-to himself. He turned to the table and helped himself to some food
-tentatively, but as he did so he caught sight of Julie’s apron where
-it had fallen to the floor from its accustomed hook.
-
-“Honey, your apron’s on the floor,” he said. He rose stiffly and going
-over picked up the checked gingham, but when he thought it was secure
-on the hook it fell down in soft folds against him, and he clutched it
-suddenly to his breast. “Honey! Julie! _Don’t_ take it so hard!” he
-cried. After the apron was once more restored, he came back and looked
-at the table and knew that it was impossible to eat.
-
-“I reckon I better clear things away,” he thought drearily.
-
-He began moving very quietly and carefully about the room, doing
-everything as nearly as Julie would have done it as he could. He put
-all the food away in the ice-box, folded up the linen, and set the
-china in its place. But his hands were not very steady, and as he
-picked up one of the rosebud cups, a sudden noise upstairs made him
-start, and it fell out of his hands and crashed to the floor. “Aw--Oh!
-I’ve broken your cup,” he cried in dismay. He stooped, and gathering
-up all the pieces tried ineffectively to fit them together. “One of
-your best cups, honey, you thought so much of: I’ve broke it,” he
-confessed. Suddenly the edges he was trying to fit together blurred
-in a dazzled line and the tears rushed into his eyes. He laid the
-shattered pieces in a desolate pile on the table, and stumbling into a
-chair, buried his head in his arms beside them.
-
-Later on, there was a knock at the door and the coroner came in to
-ask for evidence. Tim gave him the note Miss Fogg had written Julie,
-and the coroner, a rather sombre dark man with a sallow face and
-outstanding ears set wide as though to catch every note of horror that
-the world held, read it, holding it beneath the gas jet that made
-shining lights on his hair, pausing every now and again to say, “What
-do you make of that word?”
-
-“Well,” he said when he had puzzled it all out, “it’s suicide all
-right, no question about that. Everybody in the house says the old soul
-was more’n half cracked, anyhow. I reckon she’s had that pistol loaded
-an’ handy for some time.”
-
-“She had it in that drawer she always kep’ locked,” Tim told him.
-“Julie said there was one drawer she was always mighty oneasy about.”
-
-“Is that so?” said the other.
-
-“Yes, Julie said so.”
-
-“Who’s she? Is that your wife?” the coroner demanded.
-
-Tim hesitated. It seemed impossible even to say the little word,
-“Yes.” But the coroner, busy folding up Miss Fogg’s note, labeling it
-and tucking it away in his wallet, where no doubt it found itself in
-company with many another pitiful disaster, appeared not to notice his
-silence.
-
-“I’ve heard ’bout your wife,” he said. “Everybody says she was mighty
-good to the old woman--seemed to put new life into her. Can I speak to
-her?”
-
-“She’s feeling bad,” Tim hesitated. “She’s mightily upset. She ran
-upstairs with everybody, and saw the poor old soul layin’ on the floor.”
-
-“Yes,” the coroner nodded, “right much of a mess, wa’n’t it? Liable to
-upset anybody not used to viewin’ all kinds of remains, like I am.”
-
-“It was all over her clean waist,” Tim explained earnestly. “Julie just
-ironed that waist for her--just a little bit before.”
-
-“I see,” said the coroner. “Perfectly natural she’s upset. Well, no
-need to disturb her if she’s feeling bad. This note gives plenty of
-evidence.”
-
-He turned to go, but Tim detained him with an eager hand upon his arm.
-
-“A crazy old woman like--like she was, would be mighty apt to commit
-suicide, wouldn’t she? It would take less to make her do it than it
-would for a person in good health?” he begged. “She’d do it easier than
-most folks, wouldn’t she?”
-
-“Oh, yes, any little thing’d be liable to tip her over,” the
-other assented. “This trouble now, what she speaks of here in the
-letter--that other woman goin’ off with the niece’s husband--that was
-all she needed: that did the trick for her, poor old soul. Well,” he
-turned again to go, “no need to trouble your wife if she’s feelin’ bad.
-Tell her she ought to feel good to think she was able to do so much for
-the old lady.”
-
-With that he went, and Tim turned and saw Julie standing in the open
-door with the dark of the sitting-room behind her, and knew that she
-had heard what the coroner said.
-
-“Julie!” he cried.
-
-But she put up her hands, motioning him away as before, and without a
-word turned back into the dark room, shutting the door between them.
-
-Tim sat on alone in the kitchen. As the hours passed slowly away, he
-went on tiptoe several times to listen at the sitting-room door, and at
-last, late in the night, as there was no sound, he turned the handle
-and pushed the door open cautiously. But instantly she cried out in the
-dark, “No, Tim, no!”
-
-So he shut the door again as softly as he had opened it, and after a
-moment’s hesitation, stretched himself out upon the floor in front of
-it. But after all, if she opened the door suddenly to come out, there
-was danger that she might stumble over him and get a fall; so he rose
-and at last went lonesomely into the bedroom and slipping off his
-shoes, flung himself, all dressed as he was, upon the bed.
-
-
-
-
-XX
-
-
-In the early morning following that long night Julie came softly into
-the bedroom and found Tim lying there asleep, all dressed as he had
-flung himself upon the bed. He opened his eyes as she entered.
-
-“I--I broke one of your little cups last night, honey,” he said
-confusedly, “one of your best ones. I certainly am sorry.” He sat up in
-bed, staring at her in all the bleak tragedy of the gray dawn.
-
-“I broke your little best cup, an’ I reckon I’ve broke your heart,
-too,” he said.
-
-She put out her hands swiftly and drew his head passionately close
-against her breast, bowing her face down to it.
-
-“My love, my love!” she cried, stumbling and sobbing through the words.
-“You _made_ all my heart--all my life--it was yours to break or do with
-like you pleased.”
-
-For a time they clung together in tears. But at last he raised his head
-and, putting one of his hands on each of her arms, looked curiously
-into her eyes. The storm of her emotion was passed, and she was calm
-now. She seemed changed also from the small woman of the day before.
-Her spirit had withdrawn from the surface, and was gazing forth from
-deeper levels of life. The expression of her eyes was wiser, steadier;
-she even appeared physically larger, a stronger woman, than she had
-been before. What encounters of the spirit had she faced alone through
-all the dark of the night?
-
-In the long gaze that passed between them they were confronted by a
-tremendous question. Each asked it silently of the other. Julie was the
-first to answer.
-
-“Yes,” she nodded. “It’s come to an end, my honey. We got to part
-now--’fore I kill somebody else.”
-
-“Julie, she was crazy!” he cried as before.
-
-But she brushed his words aside. “All night I’ve seen the blood on her
-waist,” she said. “It mocked me. The two were right together: the clean
-waist I was so proud with myself for fixin’ for her, an’ the spots of
-her blood. They were like mouths laughing at me with the awfulest
-laughter--red words hollerin’ out across the world, ‘Look! Look! Look
-at the way Julie Rose gives life to folks!’ Tim, last night I went down
-deep--I was shoved down into the deepest places--I see it all different
-now--I’ve _got_ to stand square with folks now.”
-
-He nodded. “Yes, it’s come to that with both of us--Julie,” he burst
-out, “I ain’t where I ought to be! When the soldiers went by in the
-street, an’ that night when they showed the doughboys in France on the
-screen, you didn’t notice, I reckon--”
-
-“I did. I did!” she broke in. “I’ve known all along how it was with
-you, but I wouldn’t let you speak. God forgive me! I kept you from it.
-I was scared.”
-
-“Well,” he went on. “That night when they showed our boys goin’ up to
-the front, there was one little feller on the screen--a runty kind of
-a little feller like me--an’ as he went by he turned so’s you saw his
-full face. Julie, he looked straight at me; an’ something jumped in me
-an’ sez, ‘That’s your brother. _Why ain’t you with him?_’”
-
-“I know, I know,” she cried poignantly. “Your brother! My sister! We
-thought when we found ourselves we was all, but now we’ve caught a
-sight of the other folks.”
-
-“So I got to go now,” he ended. “I’ll give myself up--”
-
-“Oh, honey! What will they do to you?”
-
-“I dunno. But I can stand up to it. I can stand it now. You’ve made a
-man of me at last.”
-
-“Oh, my God!” she cried. “I didn’t. I tempted you away. I don’t know
-what I’ve done to you. Without me you wouldn’t be in all this trouble.”
-
-He faced her steadily. “Without you I’d never have found myself, an’
-that’s God’s truth,” he said solemnly. “I’m your man, honey. You made
-me. I was afraid of every one, picked on by every one, an’ then you
-came along an’ set me free!”
-
-“Our love!” she cried. “It was that set us both free so’s we found
-ourselves. But that ain’t all. Last night, Tim, I understood more. It
-seemed like I was shoved right down into the heart of life. I had a
-kind of a vision--maybe it was only a dream: I’d been asleep, I know.
-I stayed awake ’til real late, just sitting there in the dark an’
-knowin’ what I’d done to her. It seemed like I’d go crazy; I couldn’t
-cry; I thought my mind was about to split. An’ then at last I did: I
-cried, an’ cried, though it didn’t do her no good. I kep’ thinkin’,
-‘This don’t do her no good. My tears can’t help her any now.’ But they
-helped me. My head stopped feelin’ so tight after that. The awful
-splashes on her waist quit hollerin’ out, ‘Look! Look!,’ an’ at last I
-dropped off into a doze; an’ when I waked up things was different. It
-seemed like I’d shifted in deeper than I ever was before.”
-
-She brushed a dark strand of hair back from her brow, then she dropped
-her hand to his and he held it fast, staring up into her face, whose
-look of wider apprehension seemed reflected on his own as well.
-
-“It was like I’d been stretched,” she went on slowly, feeling for
-words, “stretched into knowing bigger things, an’ shoved deep down
-where you ain’t yourself alone, but where all the rest of the folks is,
-too, all kind of bound together--all brothers an’ sisters--an’ where
-nobody lives to theirselves, or dies to theirselves. An’--an’ _now_ I
-got to stand straight with the world.”
-
-He nodded, “I know. I understand.” It was the old familiar phrase which
-had linked them so close together. They were silent for a long moment,
-drinking understanding and courage from one another’s eyes in the
-communion of their spirits.
-
-He spoke at last. “I’ll go ’round to the police this mornin’ an’ turn
-myself in. Or maybe it would be better to go straight to Camp Lee.”
-
-Her clasp upon his hand tightened, but she spoke steadily. “I’ll go
-home to Hart’s Run.”
-
-He started at that. “Oh, no, honey,” he protested, “you can’t do that.
-You can’t go back there now. You know how it is--how they’ll treat you.
-You can’t live there now.”
-
-“I can live anywhere now,” she answered. “I’ve found myself now. All
-my life I’ve been scared of folks. You know how it was. But not now:
-I’m free of ’em all at last. I got to go back there. It’s my home. It’s
-where I belong, where I can be square with the world. Oh,” she cried,
-“what does it matter to me where _I_ live, when you--when you--Oh,
-honey,” she broke down, “what will they do to you?”
-
-“Never mind! Never mind! It’s all right now. I can stand it now,” he
-consoled her. “But how will you live at Hart’s Run? Will they--will
-folks buy from you now?”
-
-She laughed a little at that. “Oh, they’ll buy, all right,” she
-reassured him. “Maybe they’ll put me out of the church; but I trim hats
-too well, an’ know too much about fixing clothes for ’em not to come to
-the store.”
-
-They began after that to consider their plans, bravely and calmly
-making arrangements for a speedy departure. It was still very early,
-and together they fell to work packing up all their small belongings.
-There was not much to pack: only a few clothes, the rosebud cups, and
-some extra housekeeping utensils that they had had to buy. These all
-went easily into her suit-case and his trunk, which she was to take
-with her. When the packing was finished he went out, arranged to have
-the trunk sent for later, saw their landlord and settled for the rent,
-explaining his sudden departure by saying he had to answer his draft
-call.
-
-When he returned, breakfast was ready. Julie had even made waffles for
-their last meal together.
-
-He sat down and forced himself to eat to please her, but she could
-scarcely touch anything.
-
-“You better try to eat a little bit,” he urged. “There now, have some
-of this plateful of waffles. I can’t eat ’em all, honey.”
-
-She looked at him a moment, her face quivering. “I--I got something in
-my throat--seems like I can’t swaller past it,” she got out, snatching
-at that wisp of whimsicality to cover the nakedness of their tragedy.
-
-But on the whole the breakfast was a brave, almost a gay, meal. They
-were both setting forth upon desperate paths of life and, knowing
-this, they were keyed up and excited by the adventure of it, and in
-themselves they knew as well a steady self-confidence that had never
-been theirs before.
-
-They had agreed that for Tim to go to Camp Lee and give himself up
-there would be the best plan; but after all, they were too late. As
-they finished breakfast, they were startled by a sudden loud bang upon
-their door. Their hands flew together and clutched fast for one moment
-across the table, then he rose and threw the door wide.
-
-Two men in plain clothes burst in.
-
-“Here, what’s your name?” the foremost demanded, a big swaggering man
-with the face of a bully.
-
-“Timothy Bixby,” Tim answered steadily.
-
-“Oh, it is, is it?” the man cried, a trifle taken aback. “This is your
-mornin’ for tellin’ the truth, ain’t it? Well, Mr. Timothy Bixby, I
-arrest you in the name of the law. See this?” He turned back his coat
-lapel, and displayed a sheriff’s badge. “We’re the dog catchers, an’
-we’ve come for you--you damned yeller cur!”
-
-“I was just fixin’ to go to Camp Lee an’ give up,” Tim said.
-
-“Oh yes, you were,” the other jeered. “A hell of a lot you were!”
-
-“But he was! It’s the truth, he was!” Julie broke in. “He was just
-gettin’ ready to go right this mornin’.”
-
-“Oh, yes, he was, I know mighty well he was!” the other repeated. “An’
-I know all about _you_, too!”
-
-“But it’s true. Honest it is! Honest!” Julie pleaded desperately,
-turning helplessly to the other man, her eyes wide and sincere.
-
-“Never mind, never mind!” Tim cut in under his breath to her. “It
-don’t matter, so long as _you_ know.”
-
-“Oh, well now, Sam, maybe he was,” the second man interposed
-pacifically.
-
-“Maybe nuthin’!” the sheriff cut him off. “He’s had a whole two months
-to git from Hart’s Run to Camp Lee, an’ you know traffic ain’t blocked
-as bad as all that. An’ if it hadn’t of been for his wife catchin’ a
-sight of him, he’d be hidin’ here still in this damned love-nest.”
-
-So Elizabeth had seen, after all! Their eyes turned swiftly to one
-another at that.
-
-“Now then, be in a hurry,” the sheriff commanded. “I ain’t got time to
-waste over you. Here--where’s your hat?”
-
-Julie went quickly and brought Tim’s hat, pressing it into his hands.
-“My honey! My honey!” she breathed.
-
-But the sheriff cut in between them. “Here, none er that,” he cried,
-jerking Tim away.
-
-“Take me! Take me, too!” Julie cried. “It was all my doing!”
-
-But she was brushed aside.
-
-“Git out of the way! We ain’t got nuthin’ to do with you,” the sheriff
-said, pushing Tim toward the door. On the threshold, Tim paused and
-twisted around to cry back, “It’s all right, Julie, it’s all right.”
-
-Then his captor thrust him savagely forth.
-
-The other man, glancing back at Julie, paused an instant, caught by the
-anguish of her face. “Here, quick,” he whispered awkwardly, “ain’t you
-got a token--a keepsake for him? Maybe I’ll git a chanst to slip it to
-him.”
-
-She looked wildly about the room. What should she send him? She started
-to take up the pieces of the broken cup, but her heart cried out, “No,
-no, not that!”
-
-“Quick! Quick!” he urged her. “Your handkerchief?”
-
-But her handkerchief was all sodden with the tears they had shed
-together. She shook her head dumbly. Hurried and confused, her mind
-was blank. Her gaze fell to the breakfast table. There was a pile of
-waffles still fresh and warm. To her dazed thought at that moment they
-were not food, they were symbols of her heart. With a hand that shook
-she caught up one and held it out mutely to the man.
-
-“No, no,” he whispered sharply, “think what you’re doing, woman. A
-keepsake--a keepsake! Here--what about this?”
-
-He picked up a picture postcard from the mantelpiece. It was a
-photograph of herself and Tim taken together.
-
-“Yes, yes,” she nodded gratefully.
-
-“I’ll slip it to him if I git the chanst,” he promised again.
-
-“What will they do to him?” Julie breathed.
-
-He shook his head. “I don’t know--I don’t know how bad he’s in.”
-
-“Will I know what happens?” she questioned.
-
-“You--you ain’t his wife, are you?” he asked uncertainly.
-
-“No,” she answered, her wide eyes looking at him unfalteringly.
-
-“The government only notifies the wife or next of kin,” he mumbled, as
-though repeating a formula.
-
-“I’m goin’ back to Hart’s Run,” she told him simply. “If the law wants
-me, too, I’ll be there. My name’s Julie Rose.”
-
-“Here, Jack, where in the hell are you?” the sheriff bawled from
-outside.
-
-“Coming!” the lingerer cried, and went, slipping the postcard into his
-pocket.
-
-Julie stumbled to the window and peered out. Tim was walking between
-the two men. As they came to the corner where he had always turned to
-wave a farewell to her, he paused now and half turning raised his hand,
-but the sheriff struck it angrily down and thrust him on around the
-corner out of sight.
-
-Julie stood a long time, her head pressed hard against the window
-frame, her eyes fixed blankly on the street; but she knew that she must
-face it sometime, and at last she jerked herself round, and, straining
-back against the sill, let the empty desolation of the room rush over
-her.
-
-
-
-
-XXI
-
-
-Julie awoke the next morning in the dim and early light and sat up in
-her berth. She had slept so profoundly, swept down to such depths of
-unconsciousness, that for a moment on awakening she appeared to have
-drifted beyond all the moorings of her accustomed self, so that it took
-her a few moments of uncertain staring at the swaying green curtains of
-the berth and at the flickering light across the bedclothes, to realize
-that she was on the train. “I’m going home,” she told herself at last.
-
-Yesterday, with all its complete shattering of her life in Richmond,
-its agony of parting in the morning, and its long hot sufferings of the
-ensuing day, was gone into the past, and this was to-morrow.
-
-The man had come for her trunk soon after Tim had been arrested, and
-Julie had managed to slip away out of the house without having to face
-a parting and explanation with any of her friends there. She had spent
-most of the long, oppressive, and tragic day in the railway station,
-chiefly because she did not know where else to go. It was a strained
-and terrible time of waiting in heat, and confusion, and the weary
-sordid smells of humanity traveling in hot weather. Every now and again
-waves of hysteria swept over her, so that it was only by gripping
-her hands very tight, and by staring resolutely at the moving people
-before her, that she succeeded in keeping herself from breaking down
-altogether there in the public waiting-room. But finally the afternoon
-came, then twilight and supper; and then at last her train was made up,
-and she could get on and go to bed in the sleeping-car where she had
-been fortunate enough to secure a berth. She was so completely worn out
-by the sleeplessness of the night before and by all she had suffered,
-that--as soon as the train got under way and the intense city heat had
-lessened as it took the cool open stretches of the country night--the
-swaying of her berth, and the monotonous gray roar of the wheels,
-broken only by an occasional hollow moment running through the pattern
-of the gray roar as the train swept over a culvert, relaxed her all
-over, lulling her down and down through hazy thoughts, dreams, and at
-last into sleep and profound unconsciousness.
-
-Now it was morning; she was awake again and, sitting up in her berth,
-looking at the light, she told herself, “I’m going home.” She realized
-that the air was cool and fresh, almost sharp. Putting up the curtain,
-she peeped out. The train was on an up-grade, pushing its way steadily
-along through deep cuts which occasionally closed into tunnels, or
-again running out into the open along the edges of hillsides, from the
-steep drop of which one looked down into hollows and little valleys
-filled with mists.
-
-“We’ve struck the mountains, I’ve come home!” she breathed. She clasped
-her arms tight around her knees, and the long swell of a deep emotion
-laid hold upon her. Somewhere in the profound sleep of the night the
-tension of life had snapped, releasing her into something sure and
-steadfast. Big things--pity, truth, love, mountains, God, the sky,
-came shouldering boldly up through all the trivialities of life, and
-gathered her into an enormous peace. “I’ve broke through, I’ve broke
-through,” she whispered, “through into the big things. An’ _he’s_
-broke through, too! He’s safe, they can’t tetch him now--they can’t lay
-the weight of a finger on him now. He’s out in the deep channel. He’s
-safe in the Lord.”
-
-All her prim acquired English fell from her, and she turned back to the
-phraseology of her mountain people. Her thoughts ran out in a medley of
-confused, disjointed sentences, such as she had been accustomed to hear
-in shouting revivals in her church: ejaculations, snatches of hymns,
-remembered terms of the lumber camps--an overflowing of the spirit that
-clothed itself in any words that came.
-
-“We’ve broke through, we’ve broke through,” she whispered that, over
-and over. “O my Lord! We’ve broke through! Freedom--freedom! There
-ain’t nothin’ big enough to hold it. ‘Shout, you mourners, you shall be
-free’--free in the Lord! The deep channel! The deep channel! He’s safe
-now, like I am! We ain’t hung up in the shallers no more--the jam’s
-broke an’ we’re out in the deep channel of the river, traveling free in
-the peace of the Lord.”
-
-An ecstasy of depths of peace and stillness engulfed her, a vision of
-the enormousness and profundity of life which was God, so that the
-tears ran down over her illumined face.
-
-“O my Lord!” she whispered, over and over, “O my Lord, you’ve fetched
-us home! You’ve give us sight. We ain’t just ourselves no more. You’ve
-showed us a vision of the other folks--my sister, my brother! An’ now
-we’re free. There’s freedom in the world for the little scary folks
-if they go down deep enough. We _are_ free!” she cried. “My love, my
-honey, my dear love, we’re safe at last! We’re traveling free in the
-vision of the Lord!”
-
-She stared out of the window at the long stretches of mountains and
-valleys, with the sky above, and knew a deep kinship with them, as
-well. “Freedom,” she thought. “Nothin’ can’t hold it all. Nothin’ kin
-hold me. I kin stretch out all acrost the mountains, an’ lay down in
-the sky, an’ I’m deep-rooted in the everlastin’ hills. O my Lord, O my
-Lord!” The breathless ejaculations flowed away into complete silence,
-where only the tears running from her closed eyes could express the
-ecstasy of adoration that held her.
-
-She still inhabited the same small and meagre body, but the spirit that
-flowed through her now was free of all the world, and with it came an
-enormous outstretching compassion, understanding, and tenderness for
-all suffering.
-
-An hour later she stepped off the train at Hart’s Run. It was a morning
-in late September. An intense sparkling light fell over the world,
-driving the mists away from the parti-colored hills, and disclosing the
-immense dome of the blue sky.
-
-Gathering up her hand luggage, Julie walked lightly along the familiar
-platform, her footsteps answering the rhythm of the words, “I’ve come
-home, I’ve come home.”
-
-The first person to see her was Edward Black. He was pushing a
-truckload of trunks, and when he caught sight of her he stopped dead
-and half sat down upon the truck handles to gaze in stupefaction.
-
-“Julie Rose! _You_ back?” he cried.
-
-She met his eyes steadily, gazing forth at him from that deep centre of
-herself. “Yes, Ed, I’m back. I’ve come home,” she answered.
-
-His first astonishment gave place then to a mean and taunting look. He
-leered as she passed and said softly, “Well, I reckon you an’ Mis’
-Bixby’s husband had a high old time together.”
-
-But she went by untouched, the insult blowing past her as lightly as a
-summer wind. The great experience through which she had passed had been
-out in the deep channel of the spirit. How could Ed Black know anything
-about it? How could any words of his even touch it, much less hurt her?
-She looked full at him as she passed, and in that instant of detached
-scrutiny she was conscious of a sudden stab of pity. For a moment she
-knew the man for what he was--a poor mean nature, destined always to
-inhabit the murky backwaters of life, incapable of ever striking out
-into the clear depths of any great emotion--a crippled bit of humanity
-never again to be afraid of or bullied by, only to be sorry for. “Poor
-Ed,” she thought, as she went down the platform and turned along the
-main street. The morning air touched her face refreshingly, there
-were drifts of great white clouds in the sky, and the mountains--the
-mountains that she had been born and brought up in! “I’ve come home,
-I’ve come home!” she whispered again.
-
-Coming up the street a little in advance of her, she presently
-perceived Brother Seabrook. He was pacing along abstractedly, his head
-bent over his newspaper, which he had just secured from the post office
-and which bore tall excited headlines about the war. A little distance
-away, conscious that some one was approaching, he glanced up, saw her,
-and stopped for one paralyzed instant. His hand went mechanically
-toward his hat, but he checked it and, thrusting it into his breast
-pocket, pretended to feel for something; then he faced abruptly round
-and hastened in the opposite direction, as though suddenly reminded of
-important business elsewhere.
-
-A little farther on Julie saw Mrs. Silas Randolph’s colored girl come
-out in the street to cross to the meat market. Suddenly she also saw
-Julie, and stopped in her tracks as had the others. She, however,
-attempted no subterfuge for her astonishment, but stood frankly still
-in the middle of the street, staring with her mouth open. Julie spoke
-to her as she passed, but the girl did not respond; after one more
-thorough stare, she turned and ran back across the street, stumbling
-under the excitement and haste of her news, turning her head back every
-now and again over her shoulder to be sure of what she had seen.
-
-Julie knew that she had raced back to tell her mistress of the return.
-She knew that the latter would not believe her, but would run to the
-window to peer out herself, and that, then catching unmistakable sight
-of Julie, she would go to the phone and ring up different intimates to
-impart the news to them, using cryptic sentences supposed to baffle
-any eavesdropper on the wire. Julie knew that even now Mrs. Randolph’s
-incredulous eyes were fixed upon her back as she continued along the
-street. She knew her village, she knew what she had done and what she
-would have to face, yet it could not break that high serenity in which
-she moved. There was, too, a great peace in the thought that here all
-was known. It was a part of her standing square with the world. There
-would not be here any sudden pistol-shot, or the vision of an old woman
-on the floor, brought to that end by what she had done.
-
-As she went along the street, she heard a little frightened mewing,
-and looking down perceived a gray kitten backed against the palings of
-one of the garden fences. It was very small and helpless, and in its
-wide kitten-eyes was a passion of terror. It had been chased by dogs
-and boys and rolled in the dust, and one little paw was bleeding. Its
-agony, its baby helplessness, and soft hurt paw stabbed Julie with an
-infinite compassion.
-
-She dropped her bag and stooped quickly down.
-
-“Poor little kitsy--poor little kitsy,” she murmured tenderly. The
-little frightened creature squeezed itself harder than ever against
-the fence, spitting helplessly at Julie’s hand and trying to strike
-with its tiny paw. “Don’t be scared, kitsy--poor little kitsy, there
-ain’t anything to be scared of--nothing to be scared of any more,”
-Julie comforted it. She gathered the little trembling body up, pressing
-it close to her warm neck; and so, with the kitten held against her
-breast, she came at last to her own little shop. Suddenly, as she
-looked at it staring out upon the street with its shuttered blank eyes,
-something clutched her throat. For one sharp suffocating moment she
-almost saw her mother stand there, her apron blowing in the wind as of
-old.
-
-“_Mother!_ I’ve come home, I’ve come home,” she whispered breathlessly.
-
-The side gate to her garden was broken and hanging upon one hinge. A
-cow had squeezed its way through, defiling the little cement walk, and
-trampling over and ravishing her flower beds, so that there were only
-a few broken chrysanthemums left. The house was completely deserted.
-Evidently Aunt Sadie was still away with her daughter.
-
-Julie went up the walk and up the steps and, taking the key from her
-bag, unlocked the door and threw it open. The cold musty smell of the
-closed house rushed out to meet her, but she entered unhesitatingly.
-In the kitchen she set down her bag and the little kitten, and went
-about opening the windows and throwing shutters wide so that the sun
-and fresh air flooded in. As she looked out from the front window of
-her shop, she saw a woman walking down the middle of the street with a
-white mask over her mouth. Julie stared at her for a moment. “So the
-flu’s reached Hart’s Run,” she thought, and wondered how bad it was.
-
-She had not had any breakfast, and she went out and bought some
-supplies at the grocery. A new clerk was there who did not know her.
-
-“Where’s Picket Forster?” she asked.
-
-“Over in France,” the new clerk returned briefly.
-
-Julie went back with her purchases and got herself some breakfast, and
-was feeding the famished kitten, when the back door darkened and Mrs.
-Dolly Anderson’s large figure towered above her.
-
-“_Well_,” she cried, her eyes snapping, “I never b’lieved ’em when they
-said you was back.”
-
-“Yes, I’m back,” Julie returned simply.
-
-The other continued to stand and stare. “Where you been all this time?”
-she demanded at length.
-
-“In Richmond,” Julie answered.
-
-“In Richmond? Well, there’s been a heap of talk goin’ the rounds about
-you, Julie.”
-
-“I suppose there has,” Julie assented. She sat down and, taking the
-kitten which was fed and comforted now, upon her knee, began to stroke
-it softly. “Won’t you sit down?” she said politely.
-
-“No, I’ll not sit down,” Mrs. Anderson returned heavily, and remained
-upon her feet.
-
-“Julie,” she said at length, “did you--did you--” she hesitated.
-
-“Did I go off with Mr. Bixby, you mean,” Julie answered steadily. “Yes,
-I did. We’ve been together in Richmond for the last two months.”
-
-The other woman’s mouth dropped open. “An’ you _dare_ to come back here
-to Hart’s Run an’ tell a tale like that?” she cried furiously.
-
-“I don’t dare not to. I want folks to know the truth.”
-
-“You _want_ ’em to know?”
-
-“Yes, I want to stand straight with the world.”
-
-“You _want_ ’em to know?” the other reiterated violently. “Well, upon
-my soul! I don’t believe you’ve got one shred of decency left.”
-
-She glared at Julie, who made no retort but went on gently stroking the
-kitten, which was curled on her knee, comforted now, and blowing an
-occasional silver bubble as it purred.
-
-“_Quit_ foolin’ with that nasty little cat, an’ listen to me!” Mrs.
-Anderson stormed. “What I want to know is how you ever come to do such
-a thing--raised like you’ve been?”
-
-Julie looked at her out of still eyes. How had she come to do it? How
-could she ever explain to Mrs. Anderson how it had happened? How could
-she explain the long repression of soul that had led her and Timothy
-Bixby to blow the lid off so violently at last? There were too many
-fine shades of meaning in it for her ever to make the other understand.
-In truth, she could hardly understand it herself. What had happened was
-down so deep in the elemental things of life that she could not put it
-into words.
-
-“I don’t think I could possibly tell you why we did it,” she answered
-at length. “We cared for each other, but--but we parted as soon as we
-saw it was wrong--that what we did was hurting other folks.”
-
-“You parted as soon as you knew it was wrong? You mean to say you
-didn’t know right from the first that it was wrong to go off with
-another woman’s husband--an’ him a draft dodger, too? Oh, you needn’t
-come back to Hart’s Run an’ tell a tale like _that_, an’ expect decent
-folks to go right along an’ treat you like nothing had happened. They
-won’t do it, I tell you!”
-
-“I don’t expect them to,” Julie said.
-
-“Well, it’s lucky you don’t. Folks won’t stand for any such carryings
-on. You’ll be put out of the church. Brother Seabrook’ll put you right
-out--I know he will. I don’t see to save me how you dared to come back.”
-
-“Why, I _had_ to come back here,” Julie cried. “It’s my home--it’s
-where I belong. Why, I’m rooted here.”
-
-“Well, folks ain’t goin’ to have one thing to do with you, I tell you!
-I don’t know in my soul what I’m doin’ here right this minute! And
-other folks ain’t goin’ to have _nothing_ to do with you.”
-
-“No, I reckon not,” Julie answered, “but here’s where I belong just the
-same.” She looked away out of the window and rested her eyes on the
-sweep of autumn hills surrounding the village--she who had been for
-weeks in the city, and a flat country. “Maybe you’re right, an’ folks
-won’t have anything more to do with me--but--but--the mountains are
-here, an’ the sun’ll rise an’ set, an’ the snow come in the winter, an’
-the sap run in spring. It’s where I belong.”
-
-“_Julie Rose!_ Upon my word I just b’lieve you’ve lost your mind!” the
-other broke in.
-
-“I’ve found my soul,” Julie interposed beneath her breath.
-
-“There you set, nursing that nasty cat, an’ not carin’ one thing what
-people think.”
-
-“I care what God thinks.”
-
-“Well--you better be thinking about your sin then,” Mrs. Anderson
-retorted.
-
-“My sin,” Julie repeated, and suddenly she saw an inward picture of old
-Miss Fogg’s gray head upon the floor. “But--but God forgives sins!” she
-cried poignantly. “He does forgive them. ‘A broken and a contrite heart
-He will not despise’--the Bible says so!”
-
-“That’s all right about the Bible,” Mrs. Anderson cried savagely. “But
-you ain’t livin’ in the Bible; you’re livin’ right here in Hart’s Run.
-An’ I tell you Hart’s Run folks ain’t goin’ to stand for this: they’ll
-put you out of the church--you see if they don’t.”
-
-“Will they put the Bible out, too?” A voice spoke suddenly behind them.
-
-Turning, they saw that Doctor Franklin had come in through the front
-shop and was standing looking at them. He was a country doctor,
-loose-limbed, gaunt, and gray, and old--a man born in Hart’s Run, who
-had ridden all the roads about it from the old horseback days down to
-Ford-car times--a man who knew intimately all the physical ills and
-many of the mental and spiritual ones as well, in a radius of thirty
-miles--old Doc’ Franklin--old Doc’ Franklin. When people were born
-he was there, and when they died he was there, gaunt and quiet and
-natural, very deeply rooted, patient, and unshaken, whether he watched
-at the gates of birth or at the gates of death.
-
-They did not know how long he had been standing there.
-
-“Well, but look a-here, Doctor,” Mrs. Anderson protested. “Here’s Julie
-Rose settin’ there foolin’ over that nasty little cat, an’ not caring
-_one thing_ what folks thinks of her!”
-
-The doctor put out one long finger, and gently rubbed the kitten’s
-little mouse-colored head. Fed and reassured, it looked up at him now
-out of the blue loveliness of kitten-eyes, purring happily back and
-forth, blowing out that occasional, impudent, and care-free bubble.
-
-“Well, that’s sort of like me,” he said. “Other folks have time to
-calculate who can stay in the church, an’ who’s got to be put out--it’s
-all too mixed up for me to know. All I know is I’ve got some mighty
-sick patients up the Easter road, an’ I’ve got to dust out there an’
-see ’em.”
-
-Julie looked up into the weather-beaten old face above her. “Look at
-the kitten’s paw,” she begged. “Is it broken?”
-
-He ran a thumb and forefinger lightly down the furry leg. “No, just a
-bruise,” he said. “No, little cat, you’re all right,” he added for the
-small patient’s benefit, giving another little tap on its head. “Julie,
-have you got any fly-netting? That’s what I stopped for when I saw your
-shop was open.”
-
-“How’s the flu, doctor?” Mrs. Anderson interposed. “Any fresh cases?”
-
-“Half a dozen, an’ not near enough people to nurse the sick ones,” he
-answered. “The Chapin family’s the worst. The father died last night
-and Mrs. Chapin and the boy are just as bad off as they can be--nobody
-in the house to help, an’ the neighbors not doin’ as much as they might
-on account of the boy’s record. Maybe I could get you to go out there
-and lend a hand for a day or so,” he said, looking at Mrs. Anderson.
-
-“Not me,” she retorted promptly. “I’m scared to death of the flu--I’d
-run a mile from it--an’ more’n that, I wouldn’t turn my hand over for
-that boy after the way he disgraced the whole county in camp.”
-
-Julie put the kitten down and stood up. “I’ll go with you right away,
-doctor,” she said. “I’ve got my things here in the suit-case, an’ I’ll
-get the fly-netting.”
-
-He looked at her. “It’s hard work, Julie,” he said. “You’ve never been
-very stout, you know. Do you reckon you can stand it?”
-
-“I can stand anything now,” she told him.
-
-“Things are in right much of a mess out there,” he hesitated.
-
-“Then that’s where I belong,” she answered.
-
-
-
-
-XXII
-
-
-The doctor took Julie in his old Ford car, along the Easter road out to
-the Chapins.
-
-She sat beside him very relaxed and still, her hands lying loosely in
-her lap. Her eyes were rested and refreshed by the September scenery;
-by the tawny hills, black cloud-shadows blowing over them down into
-the hollows and racing up the ridges, turning their colors dark for
-a moment, and then giving them back to the sun; by the weathered
-rail-fences on either side, with red blackberry leaves, asters, and
-goldenrod snuggled against them; and by silver fluffs of milkweed pods
-that the sun had ripened and burst, and that now the wind was tossing
-to pieces to bear each little winged seed away on an adventure of life
-of its own.
-
-The Easter road, white and dusty, led away in front of them, with
-the mountains towering up on either side and above, the endless sky
-bridging it over.
-
-There was still that wide sense of immensity and peace upon Julie, of
-freedom, and of return, and the knowledge, also, that Tim had come into
-the same deep serenity.
-
-“I’ve come home, I’ve come home”--the words went on saying themselves
-over in her mind.
-
-Once, unconsciously, she spoke them half out-loud. “I’ve come home.”
-
-The old doctor looked down at her. He did not seem surprised. “Home’s a
-good place to be,” he said.
-
-“It’s where I belong,” she replied.
-
-He nodded, “Yes,” again, his old brown hands on the wheel, turning it
-deftly to avoid a sudden hump, his eyes upon the road ahead. Old Doc’
-Franklin, riding the roads of Stag County from horseback and saddlebag
-days down to gasolene and Ford cars. Old Doc’ Franklin, riding the
-roads of life down at the heart of the world; present in the great
-moments of existence, in the agony of birth, in the hour of death; sent
-for in haste and terror in the catastrophe of pain; forgotten in the
-times of health. Old Doc’ Franklin--you don’t fool him and you don’t
-shock him. Tolerant, elemental, undeceived, and faithful; familiar
-alike with the ravings of delirium tremens and with the prayers of
-dying saints; as uncritical of both as life itself, or the showers of
-God--old Doc’ Franklin. He hadn’t made the world--not he. Why should he
-judge or condemn? He helped people into life if they wished to come,
-and he helped them out again when they had to go; but how they behaved
-while here was none of his business. His job was to meet each need
-that the day presented, patient, forbearing, pitiful, mending where he
-could. Old Doc’ Franklin--gnarled, and weathered, and lined, like an
-apple tree on a bleak hillside; but sound and deep-rooted still.
-
-Sitting beside him in his mud-splashed car, with the mountains on
-either side, the sky above, and the road before them, Julie was almost
-as simple, direct, and deep-rooted now as he was himself. Ahead, along
-the Easter road, the Chapin man was dead, the mother and the son
-desperately ill. Sorrow and disaster awaited them: suffering people and
-a distracted house. Here was something that they might do, work for
-them down at the heart of the world, work for them that was natural,
-sincere, and pitiful.
-
-The doctor glanced down from time to time at Julie, looking at her
-clear quiet profile. Once he asked, “What became of little Bixby?”
-
-She turned her still eyes upon him and answered simply, “They arrested
-him for not answering his draft call. He was just fixing to give
-himself up; they came before he could; but he’s all right.”
-
-“All right?” he asked.
-
-“Yes,” she nodded. “Things can’t get at him now like they used to. They
-can’t touch him now--he’s safe, he’s found himself, he’s out in the
-deep channel like I am.”
-
-A little later, the doctor brought his car to a standstill before the
-Chapins’ dooryard. The log-house, small and weathered, looked peaceful
-enough on the outside, with the September sun flowing over it, a white
-chicken or two walking its grass, and little borders of late flowers
-running down to the gate; but inside human beings were at grips with
-death.
-
-Old Doc’ Franklin, long and awkward and loose-jointed, a little
-tired-looking about the eyes, but still going, picked up his worn bag
-and swung himself out.
-
-“Come on, Julie,” he said, “here’s our job.”
-
-Was it the old doctor, or was it life itself, holding out a hand to
-Julie Rose, there at the end of the Easter road?
-
-
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- Bound by Boston Bookbinding Co., Cambridge
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