diff options
| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:29:08 -0700 |
|---|---|---|
| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:29:08 -0700 |
| commit | 9d1bf1378e854935752cb5eac968bc9b731041b0 (patch) | |
| tree | f49ec385062989b19b4839acf758c8737f906630 /7178-h | |
Diffstat (limited to '7178-h')
| -rw-r--r-- | 7178-h/7178-h.htm | 18263 |
1 files changed, 18263 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/7178-h/7178-h.htm b/7178-h/7178-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fc5378f --- /dev/null +++ b/7178-h/7178-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,18263 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" +"http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=utf-8" /> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> +<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Swann’s Way, by Marcel Proust</title> + +<style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + + body { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + +</style> + </head> + <body> + +<div style='text-align:center; font-size:1.2em; font-weight:bold'>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Swann’s Way, by Marcel Proust</div> +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and +most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions +whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms +of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online +at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you +are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the +country where you are located before using this eBook. +</div> +<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: Swann’s Way<br /> + Remembrance of Things Past, Volume One</div> +<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Marcel Proust</div> +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: March 22, 2003 [eBook #7178]<br /> +[Most recently updated: May 1, 2023]</div> +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</div> +<div style='display:block; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Produced by: Eric Eldred and David Widger</div> +<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SWANN’S WAY ***</div> + + <h1> + SWANN'S WAY + </h1> + <h2> + Remembrance Of Things Past, Volume One + </h2> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h2> + By Marcel Proust + </h2> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h3> + Translated From The French By C. K. Scott Moncrieff + </h3> + <h4> + NEW YORK<br /> HENRY HOLT AND COMPANY<br /> 1922 + </h4> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + Contents + </h2> + <table summary="" style="margin-right: auto; margin-left: auto"> + <tr> + <td> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> OVERTURE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> COMBRAY </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0003"> SWANN IN LOVE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0004"> PLACE-NAMES: THE NAME </a> + </p> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <h2> + OVERTURE + </h2> + <p> + For a long time I used to go to bed early. Sometimes, when I had put out + my candle, my eyes would close so quickly that I had not even time to say + "I'm going to sleep." And half an hour later the thought that it was time + to go to sleep would awaken me; I would try to put away the book which, I + imagined, was still in my hands, and to blow out the light; I had been + thinking all the time, while I was asleep, of what I had just been + reading, but my thoughts had run into a channel of their own, until I + myself seemed actually to have become the subject of my book: a church, a + quartet, the rivalry between François I and Charles V. This impression + would persist for some moments after I was awake; it did not disturb my + mind, but it lay like scales upon my eyes and prevented them from + registering the fact that the candle was no longer burning. Then it would + begin to seem unintelligible, as the thoughts of a former existence must + be to a reincarnate spirit; the subject of my book would separate itself + from me, leaving me free to choose whether I would form part of it or no; + and at the same time my sight would return and I would be astonished to + find myself in a state of darkness, pleasant and restful enough for the + eyes, and even more, perhaps, for my mind, to which it appeared + incomprehensible, without a cause, a matter dark indeed. + </p> + <p> + I would ask myself what o'clock it could be; I could hear the whistling of + trains, which, now nearer and now farther off, punctuating the distance + like the note of a bird in a forest, shewed me in perspective the deserted + countryside through which a traveller would be hurrying towards the + nearest station: the path that he followed being fixed for ever in his + memory by the general excitement due to being in a strange place, to doing + unusual things, to the last words of conversation, to farewells exchanged + beneath an unfamiliar lamp which echoed still in his ears amid the silence + of the night; and to the delightful prospect of being once again at home. + </p> + <p> + I would lay my cheeks gently against the comfortable cheeks of my pillow, + as plump and blooming as the cheeks of babyhood. Or I would strike a match + to look at my watch. Nearly midnight. The hour when an invalid, who has + been obliged to start on a journey and to sleep in a strange hotel, + awakens in a moment of illness and sees with glad relief a streak of + daylight shewing under his bedroom door. Oh, joy of joys! it is morning. + The servants will be about in a minute: he can ring, and some one will + come to look after him. The thought of being made comfortable gives him + strength to endure his pain. He is certain he heard footsteps: they come + nearer, and then die away. The ray of light beneath his door is + extinguished. It is midnight; some one has turned out the gas; the last + servant has gone to bed, and he must lie all night in agony with no one to + bring him any help. + </p> + <p> + I would fall asleep, and often I would be awake again for short snatches + only, just long enough to hear the regular creaking of the wainscot, or to + open my eyes to settle the shifting kaleidoscope of the darkness, to + savour, in an instantaneous flash of perception, the sleep which lay heavy + upon the furniture, the room, the whole surroundings of which I formed but + an insignificant part and whose unconsciousness I should very soon return + to share. Or, perhaps, while I was asleep I had returned without the least + effort to an earlier stage in my life, now for ever outgrown; and had come + under the thrall of one of my childish terrors, such as that old terror of + my great-uncle's pulling my curls, which was effectually dispelled on the + day—the dawn of a new era to me—on which they were finally + cropped from my head. I had forgotten that event during my sleep; I + remembered it again immediately I had succeeded in making myself wake up + to escape my great-uncle's fingers; still, as a measure of precaution, I + would bury the whole of my head in the pillow before returning to the + world of dreams. + </p> + <p> + Sometimes, too, just as Eve was created from a rib of Adam, so a woman + would come into existence while I was sleeping, conceived from some strain + in the position of my limbs. Formed by the appetite that I was on the + point of gratifying, she it was, I imagined, who offered me that + gratification. My body, conscious that its own warmth was permeating hers, + would strive to become one with her, and I would awake. The rest of + humanity seemed very remote in comparison with this woman whose company I + had left but a moment ago: my cheek was still warm with her kiss, my body + bent beneath the weight of hers. If, as would sometimes happen, she had + the appearance of some woman whom I had known in waking hours, I would + abandon myself altogether to the sole quest of her, like people who set + out on a journey to see with their own eyes some city that they have + always longed to visit, and imagine that they can taste in reality what + has charmed their fancy. And then, gradually, the memory of her would + dissolve and vanish, until I had forgotten the maiden of my dream. + </p> + <p> + When a man is asleep, he has in a circle round him the chain of the hours, + the sequence of the years, the order of the heavenly host. Instinctively, + when he awakes, he looks to these, and in an instant reads off his own + position on the earth's surface and the amount of time that has elapsed + during his slumbers; but this ordered procession is apt to grow confused, + and to break its ranks. Suppose that, towards morning, after a night of + insomnia, sleep descends upon him while he is reading, in quite a + different position from that in which he normally goes to sleep, he has + only to lift his arm to arrest the sun and turn it back in its course, + and, at the moment of waking, he will have no idea of the time, but will + conclude that he has just gone to bed. Or suppose that he gets drowsy in + some even more abnormal position; sitting in an armchair, say, after + dinner: then the world will fall topsy-turvy from its orbit, the magic + chair will carry him at full speed through time and space, and when he + opens his eyes again he will imagine that he went to sleep months earlier + and in some far distant country. But for me it was enough if, in my own + bed, my sleep was so heavy as completely to relax my consciousness; for + then I lost all sense of the place in which I had gone to sleep, and when + I awoke at midnight, not knowing where I was, I could not be sure at first + who I was; I had only the most rudimentary sense of existence, such as may + lurk and flicker in the depths of an animal's consciousness; I was more + destitute of human qualities than the cave-dweller; but then the memory, + not yet of the place in which I was, but of various other places where I + had lived, and might now very possibly be, would come like a rope let down + from heaven to draw me up out of the abyss of not-being, from which I + could never have escaped by myself: in a flash I would traverse and + surmount centuries of civilisation, and out of a half-visualised + succession of oil-lamps, followed by shirts with turned-down collars, + would put together by degrees the component parts of my ego. + </p> + <p> + Perhaps the immobility of the things that surround us is forced upon them + by our conviction that they are themselves, and not anything else, and by + the immobility of our conceptions of them. For it always happened that + when I awoke like this, and my mind struggled in an unsuccessful attempt + to discover where I was, everything would be moving round me through the + darkness: things, places, years. My body, still too heavy with sleep to + move, would make an effort to construe the form which its tiredness took + as an orientation of its various members, so as to induce from that where + the wall lay and the furniture stood, to piece together and to give a name + to the house in which it must be living. Its memory, the composite memory + of its ribs, knees, and shoulder-blades offered it a whole series of rooms + in which it had at one time or another slept; while the unseen walls kept + changing, adapting themselves to the shape of each successive room that it + remembered, whirling madly through the darkness. And even before my brain, + lingering in consideration of when things had happened and of what they + had looked like, had collected sufficient impressions to enable it to + identify the room, it, my body, would recall from each room in succession + what the bed was like, where the doors were, how daylight came in at the + windows, whether there was a passage outside, what I had had in my mind + when I went to sleep, and had found there when I awoke. The stiffened side + underneath my body would, for instance, in trying to fix its position, + imagine itself to be lying, face to the wall, in a big bed with a canopy; + and at once I would say to myself, "Why, I must have gone to sleep after + all, and Mamma never came to say good night!" for I was in the country + with my grandfather, who died years ago; and my body, the side upon which + I was lying, loyally preserving from the past an impression which my mind + should never have forgotten, brought back before my eyes the glimmering + flame of the night-light in its bowl of Bohemian glass, shaped like an urn + and hung by chains from the ceiling, and the chimney-piece of Siena marble + in my bedroom at Combray, in my great-aunt's house, in those far distant + days which, at the moment of waking, seemed present without being clearly + penned, but would become plainer in a little while when I was properly + awake. + </p> + <p> + Then would come up the memory of a fresh position; the wall slid away in + another direction; I was in my room in Mme. de Saint-Loup's house in the + country; good heavens, it must be ten o'clock, they will have finished + dinner! I must have overslept myself, in the little nap which I always + take when I come in from my walk with Mme. de Saint-Loup, before dressing + for the evening. For many years have now elapsed since the Combray days, + when, coming in from the longest and latest walks, I would still be in + time to see the reflection of the sunset glowing in the panes of my + bedroom window. It is a very different kind of existence at Tansonville + now with Mme. de Saint-Loup, and a different kind of pleasure that I now + derive from taking walks only in the evenings, from visiting by moonlight + the roads on which I used to play, as a child, in the sunshine; while the + bedroom, in which I shall presently fall asleep instead of dressing for + dinner, from afar off I can see it, as we return from our walk, with its + lamp shining through the window, a solitary beacon in the night. + </p> + <p> + These shifting and confused gusts of memory never lasted for more than a + few seconds; it often happened that, in my spell of uncertainty as to + where I was, I did not distinguish the successive theories of which that + uncertainty was composed any more than, when we watch a horse running, we + isolate the successive positions of its body as they appear upon a + bioscope. But I had seen first one and then another of the rooms in which + I had slept during my life, and in the end I would revisit them all in the + long course of my waking dream: rooms in winter, where on going to bed I + would at once bury my head in a nest, built up out of the most diverse + materials, the corner of my pillow, the top of my blankets, a piece of a + shawl, the edge of my bed, and a copy of an evening paper, all of which + things I would contrive, with the infinite patience of birds building + their nests, to cement into one whole; rooms where, in a keen frost, I + would feel the satisfaction of being shut in from the outer world (like + the sea-swallow which builds at the end of a dark tunnel and is kept warm + by the surrounding earth), and where, the fire keeping in all night, I + would sleep wrapped up, as it were, in a great cloak of snug and savoury + air, shot with the glow of the logs which would break out again in flame: + in a sort of alcove without walls, a cave of warmth dug out of the heart + of the room itself, a zone of heat whose boundaries were constantly + shifting and altering in temperature as gusts of air ran across them to + strike freshly upon my face, from the corners of the room, or from parts + near the window or far from the fireplace which had therefore remained + cold—or rooms in summer, where I would delight to feel myself a part + of the warm evening, where the moonlight striking upon the half-opened + shutters would throw down to the foot of my bed its enchanted ladder; + where I would fall asleep, as it might be in the open air, like a titmouse + which the breeze keeps poised in the focus of a sunbeam—or sometimes + the Louis XVI room, so cheerful that I could never feel really unhappy, + even on my first night in it: that room where the slender columns which + lightly supported its ceiling would part, ever so gracefully, to indicate + where the bed was and to keep it separate; sometimes again that little + room with the high ceiling, hollowed in the form of a pyramid out of two + separate storeys, and partly walled with mahogany, in which from the first + moment my mind was drugged by the unfamiliar scent of flowering grasses, + convinced of the hostility of the violet curtains and of the insolent + indifference of a clock that chattered on at the top of its voice as + though I were not there; while a strange and pitiless mirror with square + feet, which stood across one corner of the room, cleared for itself a site + I had not looked to find tenanted in the quiet surroundings of my normal + field of vision: that room in which my mind, forcing itself for hours on + end to leave its moorings, to elongate itself upwards so as to take on the + exact shape of the room, and to reach to the summit of that monstrous + funnel, had passed so many anxious nights while my body lay stretched out + in bed, my eyes staring upwards, my ears straining, my nostrils sniffing + uneasily, and my heart beating; until custom had changed the colour of the + curtains, made the clock keep quiet, brought an expression of pity to the + cruel, slanting face of the glass, disguised or even completely dispelled + the scent of flowering grasses, and distinctly reduced the apparent + loftiness of the ceiling. Custom! that skilful but unhurrying manager who + begins by torturing the mind for weeks on end with her provisional + arrangements; whom the mind, for all that, is fortunate in discovering, + for without the help of custom it would never contrive, by its own + efforts, to make any room seem habitable. + </p> + <p> + Certainly I was now well awake; my body had turned about for the last time + and the good angel of certainty had made all the surrounding objects stand + still, had set me down under my bedclothes, in my bedroom, and had fixed, + approximately in their right places in the uncertain light, my chest of + drawers, my writing-table, my fireplace, the window overlooking the + street, and both the doors. But it was no good my knowing that I was not + in any of those houses of which, in the stupid moment of waking, if I had + not caught sight exactly, I could still believe in their possible + presence; for memory was now set in motion; as a rule I did not attempt to + go to sleep again at once, but used to spend the greater part of the night + recalling our life in the old days at Combray with my great-aunt, at + Balbec, Paris, Doncières, Venice, and the rest; remembering again all the + places and people that I had known, what I had actually seen of them, and + what others had told me. + </p> + <p> + At Combray, as every afternoon ended, long before the time when I should + have to go up to bed, and to lie there, unsleeping, far from my mother and + grandmother, my bedroom became the fixed point on which my melancholy and + anxious thoughts were centred. Some one had had the happy idea of giving + me, to distract me on evenings when I seemed abnormally wretched, a magic + lantern, which used to be set on top of my lamp while we waited for + dinner-time to come: in the manner of the master-builders and + glass-painters of gothic days it substituted for the opaqueness of my + walls an impalpable iridescence, supernatural phenomena of many colours, + in which legends were depicted, as on a shifting and transitory window. + But my sorrows were only increased, because this change of lighting + destroyed, as nothing else could have done, the customary impression I had + formed of my room, thanks to which the room itself, but for the torture of + having to go to bed in it, had become quite endurable. For now I no longer + recognised it, and I became uneasy, as though I were in a room in some + hotel or furnished lodging, in a place where I had just arrived, by train, + for the first time. + </p> + <p> + Riding at a jerky trot, Golo, his mind filled with an infamous design, + issued from the little three-cornered forest which dyed dark-green the + slope of a convenient hill, and advanced by leaps and bounds towards the + castle of poor Geneviève de Brabant. This castle was cut off short by a + curved line which was in fact the circumference of one of the transparent + ovals in the slides which were pushed into position through a slot in the + lantern. It was only the wing of a castle, and in front of it stretched a + moor on which Geneviève stood, lost in contemplation, wearing a blue + girdle. The castle and the moor were yellow, but I could tell their colour + without waiting to see them, for before the slides made their appearance + the old-gold sonorous name of Brabant had given me an unmistakable clue. + Golo stopped for a moment and listened sadly to the little speech read + aloud by my great-aunt, which he seemed perfectly to understand, for he + modified his attitude with a docility not devoid of a degree of majesty, + so as to conform to the indications given in the text; then he rode away + at the same jerky trot. And nothing could arrest his slow progress. If the + lantern were moved I could still distinguish Golo's horse advancing across + the window-curtains, swelling out with their curves and diving into their + folds. The body of Golo himself, being of the same supernatural substance + as his steed's, overcame all material obstacles—everything that + seemed to bar his way—by taking each as it might be a skeleton and + embodying it in himself: the door-handle, for instance, over which, + adapting itself at once, would float invincibly his red cloak or his pale + face, never losing its nobility or its melancholy, never shewing any sign + of trouble at such a transubstantiation. + </p> + <p> + And, indeed, I found plenty of charm in these bright projections, which + seemed to have come straight out of a Merovingian past, and to shed around + me the reflections of such ancient history. But I cannot express the + discomfort I felt at such an intrusion of mystery and beauty into a room + which I had succeeded in filling with my own personality until I thought + no more of the room than of myself. The anaesthetic effect of custom being + destroyed, I would begin to think and to feel very melancholy things. The + door-handle of my room, which was different to me from all the other + doorhandles in the world, inasmuch as it seemed to open of its own accord + and without my having to turn it, so unconscious had its manipulation + become; lo and behold, it was now an astral body for Golo. And as soon as + the dinner-bell rang I would run down to the dining-room, where the big + hanging lamp, ignorant of Golo and Bluebeard but well acquainted with my + family and the dish of stewed beef, shed the same light as on every other + evening; and I would fall into the arms of my mother, whom the misfortunes + of Geneviève de Brabant had made all the dearer to me, just as the crimes + of Golo had driven me to a more than ordinarily scrupulous examination of + my own conscience. + </p> + <p> + But after dinner, alas, I was soon obliged to leave Mamma, who stayed + talking with the others, in the garden if it was fine, or in the little + parlour where everyone took shelter when it was wet. Everyone except my + grandmother, who held that "It is a pity to shut oneself indoors in the + country," and used to carry on endless discussions with my father on the + very wettest days, because he would send me up to my room with a book + instead of letting me stay out of doors. "That is not the way to make him + strong and active," she would say sadly, "especially this little man, who + needs all the strength and character that he can get." My father would + shrug his shoulders and study the barometer, for he took an interest in + meteorology, while my mother, keeping very quiet so as not to disturb him, + looked at him with tender respect, but not too hard, not wishing to + penetrate the mysteries of his superior mind. But my grandmother, in all + weathers, even when the rain was coming down in torrents and Françoise had + rushed indoors with the precious wicker armchairs, so that they should not + get soaked—you would see my grandmother pacing the deserted garden, + lashed by the storm, pushing back her grey hair in disorder so that her + brows might be more free to imbibe the life-giving draughts of wind and + rain. She would say, "At last one can breathe!" and would run up and down + the soaking paths—too straight and symmetrical for her liking, owing + to the want of any feeling for nature in the new gardener, whom my father + had been asking all morning if the weather were going to improve—with + her keen, jerky little step regulated by the various effects wrought upon + her soul by the intoxication of the storm, the force of hygiene, the + stupidity of my education and of symmetry in gardens, rather than by any + anxiety (for that was quite unknown to her) to save her plum-coloured + skirt from the spots of mud under which it would gradually disappear to a + depth which always provided her maid with a fresh problem and filled her + with fresh despair. + </p> + <p> + When these walks of my grandmother's took place after dinner there was one + thing which never failed to bring her back to the house: that was if (at + one of those points when the revolutions of her course brought her, + moth-like, in sight of the lamp in the little parlour where the liqueurs + were set out on the card-table) my great-aunt called out to her: + "Bathilde! Come in and stop your husband from drinking brandy!" For, + simply to tease her (she had brought so foreign a type of mind into my + father's family that everyone made a joke of it), my great-aunt used to + make my grandfather, who was forbidden liqueurs, take just a few drops. My + poor grandmother would come in and beg and implore her husband not to + taste the brandy; and he would become annoyed and swallow his few drops + all the same, and she would go out again sad and discouraged, but still + smiling, for she was so humble and so sweet that her gentleness towards + others, and her continual subordination of herself and of her own + troubles, appeared on her face blended in a smile which, unlike those seen + on the majority of human faces, had no trace in it of irony, save for + herself, while for all of us kisses seemed to spring from her eyes, which + could not look upon those she loved without yearning to bestow upon them + passionate caresses. The torments inflicted on her by my great-aunt, the + sight of my grandmother's vain entreaties, of her in her weakness + conquered before she began, but still making the futile endeavour to wean + my grandfather from his liqueur-glass—all these were things of the + sort to which, in later years, one can grow so well accustomed as to smile + at them, to take the tormentor's side with a happy determination which + deludes one into the belief that it is not, really, tormenting; but in + those days they filled me with such horror that I longed to strike my + great-aunt. And yet, as soon as I heard her "Bathilde! Come in and stop + your husband from drinking brandy!" in my cowardice I became at once a + man, and did what all we grown men do when face to face with suffering and + injustice; I preferred not to see them; I ran up to the top of the house + to cry by myself in a little room beside the schoolroom and beneath the + roof, which smelt of orris-root, and was scented also by a wild + currant-bush which had climbed up between the stones of the outer wall and + thrust a flowering branch in through the half-opened window. Intended for + a more special and a baser use, this room, from which, in the daytime, I + could see as far as the keep of Roussainville-le-Pin, was for a long time + my place of refuge, doubtless because it was the only room whose door I + was allowed to lock, whenever my occupation was such as required an + inviolable solitude; reading or dreaming, secret tears or paroxysms of + desire. Alas! I little knew that my own lack of will-power, my delicate + health, and the consequent uncertainty as to my future weighed far more + heavily on my grandmother's mind than any little breach of the rules by + her husband, during those endless perambulations, afternoon and evening, + in which we used to see passing up and down, obliquely raised towards the + heavens, her handsome face with its brown and wrinkled cheeks, which with + age had acquired almost the purple hue of tilled fields in autumn, + covered, if she were walking abroad, by a half-lifted veil, while upon + them either the cold or some sad reflection invariably left the drying + traces of an involuntary tear. + </p> + <p> + My sole consolation when I went upstairs for the night was that Mamma + would come in and kiss me after I was in bed. But this good night lasted + for so short a time: she went down again so soon that the moment in which + I heard her climb the stairs, and then caught the sound of her garden + dress of blue muslin, from which hung little tassels of plaited straw, + rustling along the double-doored corridor, was for me a moment of the + keenest sorrow. So much did I love that good night that I reached the + stage of hoping that it would come as late as possible, so as to prolong + the time of respite during which Mamma would not yet have appeared. + Sometimes when, after kissing me, she opened the door to go, I longed to + call her back, to say to her "Kiss me just once again," but I knew that + then she would at once look displeased, for the concession which she made + to my wretchedness and agitation in coming up to me with this kiss of + peace always annoyed my father, who thought such ceremonies absurd, and + she would have liked to try to induce me to outgrow the need, the custom + of having her there at all, which was a very different thing from letting + the custom grow up of my asking her for an additional kiss when she was + already crossing the threshold. And to see her look displeased destroyed + all the sense of tranquillity she had brought me a moment before, when she + bent her loving face down over my bed, and held it out to me like a Host, + for an act of Communion in which my lips might drink deeply the sense of + her real presence, and with it the power to sleep. But those evenings on + which Mamma stayed so short a time in my room were sweet indeed compared + to those on which we had guests to dinner, and therefore she did not come + at all. Our 'guests' were practically limited to M. Swann, who, apart from + a few passing strangers, was almost the only person who ever came to the + house at Combray, sometimes to a neighbourly dinner (but less frequently + since his unfortunate marriage, as my family did not care to receive his + wife) and sometimes after dinner, uninvited. On those evenings when, as we + sat in front of the house beneath the big chestnut-tree and round the iron + table, we heard, from the far end of the garden, not the large and noisy + rattle which heralded and deafened as he approached with its ferruginous, + interminable, frozen sound any member of the household who had put it out + of action by coming in 'without ringing,' but the double peal—timid, + oval, gilded—of the visitors' bell, everyone would at once exclaim + "A visitor! Who in the world can it be?" but they knew quite well that it + could only be M. Swann. My great-aunt, speaking in a loud voice, to set an + example, in a tone which she endeavoured to make sound natural, would tell + the others not to whisper so; that nothing could be more unpleasant for a + stranger coming in, who would be led to think that people were saying + things about him which he was not meant to hear; and then my grandmother + would be sent out as a scout, always happy to find an excuse for an + additional turn in the garden, which she would utilise to remove + surreptitiously, as she passed, the stakes of a rose-tree or two, so as to + make the roses look a little more natural, as a mother might run her hand + through her boy's hair, after the barber had smoothed it down, to make it + stick out properly round his head. + </p> + <p> + And there we would all stay, hanging on the words which would fall from my + grandmother's lips when she brought us back her report of the enemy, as + though there had been some uncertainty among a vast number of possible + invaders, and then, soon after, my grandfather would say: "I can hear + Swann's voice." And, indeed, one could tell him only by his voice, for it + was difficult to make out his face with its arched nose and green eyes, + under a high forehead fringed with fair, almost red hair, dressed in the + Bressant style, because in the garden we used as little light as possible, + so as not to attract mosquitoes: and I would slip away as though not going + for anything in particular, to tell them to bring out the syrups; for my + grandmother made a great point, thinking it 'nicer' of their not being + allowed to seem anything out of the ordinary, which we kept for visitors + only. Although a far younger man, M. Swann was very much attached to my + grandfather, who had been an intimate friend, in his time, of Swann's + father, an excellent but an eccentric man in whom the least little thing + would, it seemed, often check the flow of his spirits and divert the + current of his thoughts. Several times in the course of a year I would + hear my grandfather tell at table the story, which never varied, of the + behaviour of M. Swann the elder upon the death of his wife, by whose + bedside he had watched day and night. My grandfather, who had not seen him + for a long time, hastened to join him at the Swanns' family property on + the outskirts of Combray, and managed to entice him for a moment, weeping + profusely, out of the death-chamber, so that he should not be present when + the body was laid in its coffin. They took a turn or two in the park, + where there was a little sunshine. Suddenly M. Swann seized my grandfather + by the arm and cried, "Oh, my dear old friend, how fortunate we are to be + walking here together on such a charming day! Don't you see how pretty + they are, all these trees—my hawthorns, and my new pond, on which + you have never congratulated me? You look as glum as a night-cap. Don't + you feel this little breeze? Ah! whatever you may say, it's good to be + alive all the same, my dear Amédée!" And then, abruptly, the memory of his + dead wife returned to him, and probably thinking it too complicated to + inquire into how, at such a time, he could have allowed himself to be + carried away by an impulse of happiness, he confined himself to a gesture + which he habitually employed whenever any perplexing question came into + his mind: that is, he passed his hand across his forehead, dried his eyes, + and wiped his glasses. And he could never be consoled for the loss of his + wife, but used to say to my grandfather, during the two years for which he + survived her, "It's a funny thing, now; I very often think of my poor + wife, but I cannot think of her very much at any one time." "Often, but a + little at a time, like poor old Swann," became one of my grandfather's + favourite phrases, which he would apply to all kinds of things. And I + should have assumed that this father of Swann's had been a monster if my + grandfather, whom I regarded as a better judge than myself, and whose word + was my law and often led me in the long run to pardon offences which I + should have been inclined to condemn, had not gone on to exclaim, "But, + after all, he had a heart of gold." + </p> + <p> + For many years, albeit—and especially before his marriage—M. + Swann the younger came often to see them at Combray, my great-aunt and + grandparents never suspected that he had entirely ceased to live in the + kind of society which his family had frequented, or that, under the sort + of incognito which the name of Swann gave him among us, they were + harbouring—with the complete innocence of a family of honest + innkeepers who have in their midst some distinguished highwayman and never + know it—one of the smartest members of the Jockey Club, a particular + friend of the Comte de Paris and of the Prince of Wales, and one of the + men most sought after in the aristocratic world of the Faubourg + Saint-Germain. + </p> + <p> + Our utter ignorance of the brilliant part which Swann was playing in the + world of fashion was, of course, due in part to his own reserve and + discretion, but also to the fact that middle-class people in those days + took what was almost a Hindu view of society, which they held to consist + of sharply defined castes, so that everyone at his birth found himself + called to that station in life which his parents already occupied, and + nothing, except the chance of a brilliant career or of a 'good' marriage, + could extract you from that station or admit you to a superior caste. M. + Swann, the father, had been a stockbroker; and so 'young Swann' found + himself immured for life in a caste where one's fortune, as in a list of + taxpayers, varied between such and such limits of income. We knew the + people with whom his father had associated, and so we knew his own + associates, the people with whom he was 'in a position to mix.' If he knew + other people besides, those were youthful acquaintances on whom the old + friends of the family, like my relatives, shut their eyes all the more + good-naturedly that Swann himself, after he was left an orphan, still came + most faithfully to see us; but we would have been ready to wager that the + people outside our acquaintance whom Swann knew were of the sort to whom + he would not have dared to raise his hat, had he met them while he was + walking with ourselves. Had there been such a thing as a determination to + apply to Swann a social coefficient peculiar to himself, as distinct from + all the other sons of other stockbrokers in his father's position, his + coefficient would have been rather lower than theirs, because, leading a + very simple life, and having always had a craze for 'antiques' and + pictures, he now lived and piled up his collections in an old house which + my grandmother longed to visit, but which stood on the Quai d'Orléans, a + neighbourhood in which my great-aunt thought it most degrading to be + quartered. "Are you really a connoisseur, now?" she would say to him; "I + ask for your own sake, as you are likely to have 'fakes' palmed off on you + by the dealers," for she did not, in fact, endow him with any critical + faculty, and had no great opinion of the intelligence of a man who, in + conversation, would avoid serious topics and shewed a very dull + preciseness, not only when he gave us kitchen recipes, going into the most + minute details, but even when my grandmother's sisters were talking to him + about art. When challenged by them to give an opinion, or to express his + admiration for some picture, he would remain almost impolitely silent, and + would then make amends by furnishing (if he could) some fact or other + about the gallery in which the picture was hung, or the date at which it + had been painted. But as a rule he would content himself with trying to + amuse us by telling us the story of his latest adventure—and he + would have a fresh story for us on every occasion—with some one whom + we ourselves knew, such as the Combray chemist, or our cook, or our + coachman. These stories certainly used to make my great-aunt laugh, but + she could never tell whether that was on account of the absurd parts which + Swann invariably made himself play in the adventures, or of the wit that + he shewed in telling us of them. "It is easy to see that you are a regular + 'character,' M. Swann!" + </p> + <p> + As she was the only member of our family who could be described as a + trifle 'common,' she would always take care to remark to strangers, when + Swann was mentioned, that he could easily, if he had wished to, have lived + in the Boulevard Haussmann or the Avenue de l'Opéra, and that he was the + son of old M. Swann who must have left four or five million francs, but + that it was a fad of his. A fad which, moreover, she thought was bound to + amuse other people so much that in Paris, when M. Swann called on New + Year's Day bringing her a little packet of <i>marrons glacés</i>, she + never failed, if there were strangers in the room, to say to him: "Well, + M. Swann, and do you still live next door to the Bonded Vaults, so as to + be sure of not missing your train when you go to Lyons?" and she would + peep out of the corner of her eye, over her glasses, at the other + visitors. + </p> + <p> + But if anyone had suggested to my aunt that this Swann, who, in his + capacity as the son of old M. Swann, was 'fully qualified' to be received + by any of the 'upper middle class,' the most respected barristers and + solicitors of Paris (though he was perhaps a trifle inclined to let this + hereditary privilege go into abeyance), had another almost secret + existence of a wholly different kind: that when he left our house in + Paris, saying that he must go home to bed, he would no sooner have turned + the corner than he would stop, retrace his steps, and be off to some + drawing-room on whose like no stockbroker or associate of stockbrokers had + ever set eyes—that would have seemed to my aunt as extraordinary as, + to a woman of wider reading, the thought of being herself on terms of + intimacy with Aristaeus, of knowing that he would, when he had finished + his conversation with her, plunge deep into the realms of Thetis, into an + empire veiled from mortal eyes, in which Virgil depicts him as being + received with open arms; or—to be content with an image more likely + to have occurred to her, for she had seen it painted on the plates we used + for biscuits at Combray—as the thought of having had to dinner Ali + Baba, who, as soon as he found himself alone and unobserved, would make + his way into the cave, resplendent with its unsuspected treasures. + </p> + <p> + One day when he had come to see us after dinner in Paris, and had begged + pardon for being in evening clothes, Françoise, when he had gone, told us + that she had got it from his coachman that he had been dining "with a + princess." "A pretty sort of princess," drawled my aunt; "I know them," + and she shrugged her shoulders without raising her eyes from her knitting, + serenely ironical. + </p> + <p> + Altogether, my aunt used to treat him with scant ceremony. Since she was + of the opinion that he ought to feel flattered by our invitations, she + thought it only right and proper that he should never come to see us in + summer without a basket of peaches or raspberries from his garden, and + that from each of his visits to Italy he should bring back some + photographs of old masters for me. + </p> + <p> + It seemed quite natural, therefore, to send to him whenever we wanted a + recipe for some special sauce or for a pineapple salad for one of our big + dinner-parties, to which he himself would not be invited, not seeming of + sufficient importance to be served up to new friends who might be in our + house for the first time. If the conversation turned upon the Princes of + the House of France, "Gentlemen, you and I will never know, will we, and + don't want to, do we?" my great-aunt would say tartly to Swann, who had, + perhaps, a letter from Twickenham in his pocket; she would make him play + accompaniments and turn over music on evenings when my grandmother's + sister sang; manipulating this creature, so rare and refined at other + times and in other places, with the rough simplicity of a child who will + play with some curio from the cabinet no more carefully than if it were a + penny toy. Certainly the Swann who was a familiar figure in all the clubs + of those days differed hugely from, the Swann created in my great-aunt's + mind when, of an evening, in our little garden at Combray, after the two + shy peals had sounded from the gate, she would vitalise, by injecting into + it everything she had ever heard about the Swann family, the vague and + unrecognisable shape which began to appear, with my grandmother in its + wake, against a background of shadows, and could at last be identified by + the sound of its voice. But then, even in the most insignificant details + of our daily life, none of us can be said to constitute a material whole, + which is identical for everyone, and need only be turned up like a page in + an account-book or the record of a will; our social personality is created + by the thoughts of other people. Even the simple act which we describe as + "seeing some one we know" is, to some extent, an intellectual process. We + pack the physical outline of the creature we see with all the ideas we + have already formed about him, and in the complete picture of him which we + compose in our minds those ideas have certainly the principal place. In + the end they come to fill out so completely the curve of his cheeks, to + follow so exactly the line of his nose, they blend so harmoniously in the + sound of his voice that these seem to be no more than a transparent + envelope, so that each time we see the face or hear the voice it is our + own ideas of him which we recognise and to which we listen. And so, no + doubt, from the Swann they had built up for their own purposes my family + had left out, in their ignorance, a whole crowd of the details of his + daily life in the world of fashion, details by means of which other + people, when they met him, saw all the Graces enthroned in his face and + stopping at the line of his arched nose as at a natural frontier; but they + contrived also to put into a face from which its distinction had been + evicted, a face vacant and roomy as an untenanted house, to plant in the + depths of its unvalued eyes a lingering sense, uncertain but not + unpleasing, half-memory and half-oblivion, of idle hours spent together + after our weekly dinners, round the card-table or in the garden, during + our companionable country life. Our friend's bodily frame had been so well + lined with this sense, and with various earlier memories of his family, + that their own special Swann had become to my people a complete and living + creature; so that even now I have the feeling of leaving some one I know + for another quite different person when, going back in memory, I pass from + the Swann whom I knew later and more intimately to this early Swann—this + early Swann in whom I can distinguish the charming mistakes of my + childhood, and who, incidentally, is less like his successor than he is + like the other people I knew at that time, as though one's life were a + series of galleries in which all the portraits of any one period had a + marked family likeness, the same (so to speak) tonality—this early + Swann abounding in leisure, fragrant with the scent of the great + chestnut-tree, of baskets of raspberries and of a sprig of tarragon. + </p> + <p> + And yet one day, when my grandmother had gone to ask some favour of a lady + whom she had known at the Sacré Coeur (and with whom, because of our caste + theory, she had not cared to keep up any degree of intimacy in spite of + several common interests), the Marquise de Villeparisis, of the famous + house of Bouillon, this lady had said to her: + </p> + <p> + "I think you know M. Swann very well; he is a great friend of my nephews, + the des Laumes." + </p> + <p> + My grandmother had returned from the call full of praise for the house, + which overlooked some gardens, and in which Mme. de Villeparisis had + advised her to rent a flat; and also for a repairing tailor and his + daughter, who kept a little shop in the courtyard, into which she had gone + to ask them to put a stitch in her skirt, which she had torn on the + staircase. My grandmother had found these people perfectly charming: the + girl, she said, was a jewel, and the tailor a most distinguished man, the + finest she had ever seen. For in her eyes distinction was a thing wholly + independent of social position. She was in ecstasies over some answer the + tailor had made, saying to Mamma: + </p> + <p> + "Sévigné would not have said it better!" and, by way of contrast, of a + nephew of Mme. de Villeparisis whom she had met at the house: + </p> + <p> + "My dear, he is so common!" + </p> + <p> + Now, the effect of that remark about Swann had been, not to raise him in + my great-aunt's estimation, but to lower Mme. de Villeparisis. It appeared + that the deference which, on my grandmother's authority, we owed to Mme. + de Villeparisis imposed on her the reciprocal obligation to do nothing + that would render her less worthy of our regard, and that she had failed + in her duty in becoming aware of Swann's existence and in allowing members + of her family to associate with him. "How should she know Swann? A lady + who, you always made out, was related to Marshal MacMahon!" This view of + Swann's social atmosphere which prevailed in my family seemed to be + confirmed later on by his marriage with a woman of the worst class, you + might almost say a 'fast' woman, whom, to do him justice, he never + attempted to introduce to us, for he continued to come to us alone, though + he came more and more seldom; but from whom they thought they could + establish, on the assumption that he had found her there, the circle, + unknown to them, in which he ordinarily moved. + </p> + <p> + But on one occasion my grandfather read in a newspaper that M. Swann was + one of the most faithful attendants at the Sunday luncheons given by the + Duc de X——, whose father and uncle had been among our most + prominent statesmen in the reign of Louis Philippe. Now my grandfather was + curious to learn all the little details which might help him to take a + mental share in the private lives of men like Mole, the Duc Pasquier, or + the Duc de Broglie. He was delighted to find that Swann associated with + people who had known them. My great-aunt, however, interpreted this piece + of news in a sense discreditable to Swann; for anyone who chose his + associates outside the caste in which he had been born and bred, outside + his 'proper station,' was condemned to utter degradation in her eyes. It + seemed to her that such a one abdicated all claim to enjoy the fruits of + those friendly relations with people of good position which prudent + parents cultivate and store up for their children's benefit, for my + great-aunt had actually ceased to 'see' the son of a lawyer we had known + because he had married a 'Highness' and had thereby stepped down—in + her eyes—from the respectable position of a lawyer's son to that of + those adventurers, upstart footmen or stable-boys mostly, to whom we read + that queens have sometimes shewn their favours. She objected, therefore, + to my grandfather's plan of questioning Swann, when next he came to dine + with us, about these people whose friendship with him we had discovered. + On the other hand, my grandmother's two sisters, elderly spinsters who + shared her nobility of character but lacked her intelligence, declared + that they could not conceive what pleasure their brother-in-law could find + in talking about such trifles. They were ladies of lofty ambition, who for + that reason were incapable of taking the least interest in what might be + called the 'pinchbeck' things of life, even when they had an historic + value, or, generally speaking, in anything that was not directly + associated with some object aesthetically precious. So complete was their + negation of interest in anything which seemed directly or indirectly a + part of our everyday life that their sense of hearing—which had + gradually come to understand its own futility when the tone of the + conversation, at the dinner-table, became frivolous or merely mundane, + without the two old ladies' being able to guide it back to the topic dear + to themselves—would leave its receptive channels unemployed, so + effectively that they were actually becoming atrophied. So that if my + grandfather wished to attract the attention of the two sisters, he would + have to make use of some such alarm signals as mad-doctors adopt in + dealing with their distracted patients; as by beating several times on a + glass with the blade of a knife, fixing them at the same time with a sharp + word and a compelling glance, violent methods which the said doctors are + apt to bring with them into their everyday life among the sane, either + from force of professional habit or because they think the whole world a + trifle mad. + </p> + <p> + Their interest grew, however, when, the day before Swann was to dine with + us, and when he had made them a special present of a case of Asti, my + great-aunt, who had in her hand a copy of the <i>Figaro</i> in which to + the name of a picture then on view in a Corot exhibition were added the + words, "from the collection of M. Charles Swann," asked: "Did you see that + Swann is 'mentioned' in the <i>Figaro</i>?" + </p> + <p> + "But I have always told you," said my grandmother, "that he had plenty of + taste." + </p> + <p> + "You would, of course," retorted my great-aunt, "say anything just to seem + different from <i>us</i>." For, knowing that my grandmother never agreed + with her, and not being quite confident that it was her own opinion which + the rest of us invariably endorsed, she wished to extort from us a + wholesale condemnation of my grandmother's views, against which she hoped + to force us into solidarity with her own. + </p> + <p> + But we sat silent. My grandmother's sisters having expressed a desire to + mention to Swann this reference to him in the <i>Figaro</i>, my great-aunt + dissuaded them. Whenever she saw in others an advantage, however trivial, + which she herself lacked, she would persuade herself that it was no + advantage at all, but a drawback, and would pity so as not to have to envy + them. + </p> + <p> + "I don't think that would please him at all; I know very well, I should + hate to see my name printed like that, as large as life, in the paper, and + I shouldn't feel at all flattered if anyone spoke to me about it." + </p> + <p> + She did not, however, put any very great pressure upon my grandmother's + sisters, for they, in their horror of vulgarity, had brought to such a + fine art the concealment of a personal allusion in a wealth of ingenious + circumlocution, that it would often pass unnoticed even by the person to + whom it was addressed. As for my mother, her only thought was of managing + to induce my father to consent to speak to Swann, not of his wife, but of + his daughter, whom he worshipped, and for whose sake it was understood + that he had ultimately made his unfortunate marriage. + </p> + <p> + "You need only say a word; just ask him how she is. It must be so very + hard for him." + </p> + <p> + My father, however, was annoyed: "No, no; you have the most absurd ideas. + It would be utterly ridiculous." + </p> + <p> + But the only one of us in whom the prospect of Swann's arrival gave rise + to an unhappy foreboding was myself. And that was because on the evenings + when there were visitors, or just M. Swann in the house, Mamma did not + come up to my room. I did not, at that time, have dinner with the family: + I came out to the garden after dinner, and at nine I said good night and + went to bed. But on these evenings I used to dine earlier than the others, + and to come in afterwards and sit at table until eight o'clock, when it + was understood that I must go upstairs; that frail and precious kiss which + Mamma used always to leave upon my lips when I was in bed and just going + to sleep I had to take with me from the dining-room to my own, and to keep + inviolate all the time that it took me to undress, without letting its + sweet charm be broken, without letting its volatile essence diffuse itself + and evaporate; and just on those very evenings when I must needs take most + pains to receive it with due formality, I had to snatch it, to seize it + instantly and in public, without even having the time or being properly + free to apply to what I was doing the punctiliousness which madmen use who + compel themselves to exclude all other thoughts from their minds while + they are shutting a door, so that when the sickness of uncertainty sweeps + over them again they can triumphantly face and overcome it with the + recollection of the precise moment in which the door was shut. + </p> + <p> + We were all in the garden when the double peal of the gate-bell sounded + shyly. Everyone knew that it must be Swann, and yet they looked at one + another inquiringly and sent my grandmother scouting. + </p> + <p> + "See that you thank him intelligibly for the wine," my grandfather warned + his two sisters-in-law; "you know how good it is, and it is a huge case." + </p> + <p> + "Now, don't start whispering!" said my great-aunt. "How would you like to + come into a house and find everyone muttering to themselves?" + </p> + <p> + "Ah! There's M. Swann," cried my father. "Let's ask him if he thinks it + will be fine to-morrow." + </p> + <p> + My mother fancied that a word from her would wipe out all the + unpleasantness which my family had contrived to make Swann feel since his + marriage. She found an opportunity to draw him aside for a moment. But I + followed her: I could not bring myself to let her go out of reach of me + while I felt that in a few minutes I should have to leave her in the + dining-room and go up to my bed without the consoling thought, as on + ordinary evenings, that she would come up, later, to kiss me. + </p> + <p> + "Now, M. Swann," she said, "do tell me about your daughter; I am sure she + shews a taste already for nice things, like her papa." + </p> + <p> + "Come along and sit down here with us all on the verandah," said my + grandfather, coming up to him. My mother had to abandon the quest, but + managed to extract from the restriction itself a further refinement of + thought, as great poets do when the tyranny of rhyme forces them into the + discovery of their finest lines. + </p> + <p> + "We can talk about her again when we are by ourselves," she said, or + rather whispered to Swann. "It is only a mother who can understand. I am + sure that hers would agree with me." + </p> + <p> + And so we all sat down round the iron table. I should have liked not to + think of the hours of anguish which I should have to spend, that evening, + alone in my room, without the possibility of going to sleep: I tried to + convince myself that they were of no importance, really, since I should + have forgotten them next morning, and to fix my mind on thoughts of the + future which would carry me, as on a bridge, across the terrifying abyss + that yawned at my feet. But my mind, strained by this foreboding, + distended like the look which I shot at my mother, would not allow any + other impression to enter. Thoughts did, indeed, enter it, but only on the + condition that they left behind them every element of beauty, or even of + quaintness, by which I might have been distracted or beguiled. As a + surgical patient, by means of a local anaesthetic, can look on with a + clear consciousness while an operation is being performed upon him and yet + feel nothing, I could repeat to myself some favourite lines, or watch my + grandfather attempting to talk to Swann about the Duc + d'Audriffet-Pasquier, without being able to kindle any emotion from one or + amusement from the other. Hardly had my grandfather begun to question + Swann about that orator when one of my grandmother's sisters, in whose + ears the question echoed like a solemn but untimely silence which her + natural politeness bade her interrupt, addressed the other with: + </p> + <p> + "Just fancy, Flora, I met a young Swedish governess to-day who told me + some most interesting things about the co-operative movement in + Scandinavia. We really must have her to dine here one evening." + </p> + <p> + "To be sure!" said her sister Flora, "but I haven't wasted my time either. + I met such a clever old gentleman at M. Vinteuil's who knows Maubant quite + well, and Maubant has told him every little thing about how he gets up his + parts. It is the most interesting thing I ever heard. He is a neighbour of + M. Vinteuil's, and I never knew; and he is so nice besides." + </p> + <p> + "M. Vinteuil is not the only one who has nice neighbours," cried my aunt + Céline in a voice which seemed loud because she was so timid, and seemed + forced because she had been planning the little speech for so long; + darting, as she spoke, what she called a 'significant glance' at Swann. + And my aunt Flora, who realised that this veiled utterance was Céline's + way of thanking Swann intelligibly for the Asti, looked at him with a + blend of congratulation and irony, either just, because she wished to + underline her sister's little epigram, or because she envied Swann his + having inspired it, or merely because she imagined that he was + embarrassed, and could not help having a little fun at his expense. + </p> + <p> + "I think it would be worth while," Flora went on, "to have this old + gentleman to dinner. When you get him upon Maubant or Mme. Materna he will + talk for hours on end." + </p> + <p> + "That must be delightful," sighed my grandfather, in whose mind nature had + unfortunately forgotten to include any capacity whatsoever for becoming + passionately interested in the co-operative movement among the ladies of + Sweden or in the methods employed by Maubant to get up his parts, just as + it had forgotten to endow my grandmother's two sisters with a grain of + that precious salt which one has oneself to 'add to taste' in order to + extract any savour from a narrative of the private life of Mole or of the + Comte de Paris. + </p> + <p> + "I say!" exclaimed Swann to my grandfather, "what I was going to tell you + has more to do than you might think with what you were asking me just now, + for in some respects there has been very little change. I came across a + passage in Saint-Simon this morning which would have amused you. It is in + the volume which covers his mission to Spain; not one of the best, little + more in fact than a journal, but at least it is a journal wonderfully well + written, which fairly distinguishes it from the devastating journalism + that we feel bound to read in these days, morning, noon and night." + </p> + <p> + "I do not agree with you: there are some days when I find reading the + papers very pleasant indeed!" my aunt Flora broke in, to show Swann that + she had read the note about his Corot in the <i>Figaro</i>. + </p> + <p> + "Yes," aunt Céline went one better. "When they write about things or + people in whom we are interested." + </p> + <p> + "I don't deny it," answered Swann in some bewilderment. "The fault I find + with our journalism is that it forces us to take an interest in some fresh + triviality or other every day, whereas only three or four books in a + lifetime give us anything that is of real importance. Suppose that, every + morning, when we tore the wrapper off our paper with fevered hands, a + transmutation were to take place, and we were to find inside it—oh! + I don't know; shall we say Pascal's <i>Pensées</i>?" He articulated the + title with an ironic emphasis so as not to appear pedantic. "And then, in + the gilt and tooled volumes which we open once in ten years," he went on, + shewing that contempt for the things of this world which some men of the + world like to affect, "we should read that the Queen of the Hellenes had + arrived at Cannes, or that the Princesse de Léon had given a fancy dress + ball. In that way we should arrive at the right proportion between + 'information' and 'publicity.'" But at once regretting that he had allowed + himself to speak, even in jest, of serious matters, he added ironically: + "We are having a most entertaining conversation; I cannot think why we + climb to these lofty summits," and then, turning to my grandfather: "Well, + Saint-Simon tells how Maulevrier had had the audacity to offer his hand to + his sons. You remember how he says of Maulevrier, 'Never did I find in + that coarse bottle anything but ill-humour, boorishness, and folly.'" + </p> + <p> + "Coarse or not, I know bottles in which there is something very + different!" said Flora briskly, feeling bound to thank Swann as well as + her sister, since the present of Asti had been addressed to them both. + Céline began to laugh. + </p> + <p> + Swann was puzzled, but went on: "'I cannot say whether it was his + ignorance or a trap,' writes Saint-Simon; 'he wished to give his hand to + my children. I noticed it in time to prevent him.'" + </p> + <p> + My grandfather was already in ecstasies over "ignorance or a trap," but + Miss Céline—the name of Saint-Simon, a 'man of letters,' having + arrested the complete paralysis of her sense of hearing—had grown + angry. + </p> + <p> + "What! You admire that, do you? Well, it is clever enough! But what is the + point of it? Does he mean that one man isn't as good as another? What + difference can it make whether he is a duke or a groom so long as he is + intelligent and good? He had a fine way of bringing up his children, your + Saint-Simon, if he didn't teach them to shake hands with all honest men. + Really and truly, it's abominable. And you dare to quote it!" + </p> + <p> + And my grandfather, utterly depressed, realising how futile it would be + for him, against this opposition, to attempt to get Swann to tell him the + stories which would have amused him, murmured to my mother: "Just tell me + again that line of yours which always comforts me so much on these + occasions. Oh, yes: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + What virtues, Lord, Thou makest us abhor! +</pre> + <p> + Good, that is, very good." + </p> + <p> + I never took my eyes off my mother. I knew that when they were at table I + should not be permitted to stay there for the whole of dinner-time, and + that Mamma, for fear of annoying my father, would not allow me to give her + in public the series of kisses that she would have had in my room. And so + I promised myself that in the dining-room, as they began to eat and drink + and as I felt the hour approach, I would put beforehand into this kiss, + which was bound to be so brief and stealthy in execution, everything that + my own efforts could put into it: would look out very carefully first the + exact spot on her cheek where I would imprint it, and would so prepare my + thoughts that I might be able, thanks to these mental preliminaries, to + consecrate the whole of the minute Mamma would allow me to the sensation + of her cheek against my lips, as a painter who can have his subject for + short sittings only prepares his palette, and from what he remembers and + from rough notes does in advance everything which he possibly can do in + the sitter's absence. But to-night, before the dinner-bell had sounded, my + grandfather said with unconscious cruelty: "The little man looks tired; + he'd better go up to bed. Besides, we are dining late to-night." + </p> + <p> + And my father, who was less scrupulous than my grandmother or mother in + observing the letter of a treaty, went on: "Yes, run along; to bed with + you." + </p> + <p> + I would have kissed Mamma then and there, but at that moment the + dinner-bell rang. + </p> + <p> + "No, no, leave your mother alone. You've said good night quite enough. + These exhibitions are absurd. Go on upstairs." + </p> + <p> + And so I must set forth without viaticum; must climb each step of the + staircase 'against my heart,' as the saying is, climbing in opposition to + my heart's desire, which was to return to my mother, since she had not, by + her kiss, given my heart leave to accompany me forth. That hateful + staircase, up which I always passed with such dismay, gave out a smell of + varnish which had to some extent absorbed, made definite and fixed the + special quality of sorrow that I felt each evening, and made it perhaps + even more cruel to my sensibility because, when it assumed this olfactory + guise, my intellect was powerless to resist it. When we have gone to sleep + with a maddening toothache and are conscious of it only as a little girl + whom we attempt, time after time, to pull out of the water, or as a line + of Molière which we repeat incessantly to ourselves, it is a great relief + to wake up, so that our intelligence can disentangle the idea of toothache + from any artificial semblance of heroism or rhythmic cadence. It was the + precise converse of this relief which I felt when my anguish at having to + go up to my room invaded my consciousness in a manner infinitely more + rapid, instantaneous almost, a manner at once insidious and brutal as I + breathed in—a far more poisonous thing than any moral penetration—the + peculiar smell of the varnish upon that staircase. + </p> + <p> + Once in my room I had to stop every loophole, to close the shutters, to + dig my own grave as I turned down the bed-clothes, to wrap myself in the + shroud of my nightshirt. But before burying myself in the iron bed which + had been placed there because, on summer nights, I was too hot among the + red curtains of the four-poster, I was stirred to revolt, and attempted + the desperate stratagem of a condemned prisoner. I wrote to my mother + begging her to come upstairs for an important reason which I could not put + in writing. My fear was that Françoise, my aunt's cook who used to be put + in charge of me when I was at Combray, might refuse to take my note. I had + a suspicion that, in her eyes, to carry a message to my mother when there + was a stranger in the room would appear flatly inconceivable, just as it + would be for the door-keeper of a theatre to hand a letter to an actor + upon the stage. For things which might or might not be done she possessed + a code at once imperious, abundant, subtle, and uncompromising on points + themselves imperceptible or irrelevant, which gave it a resemblance to + those ancient laws which combine such cruel ordinances as the massacre of + infants at the breast with prohibitions, of exaggerated refinement, + against "seething the kid in his mother's milk," or "eating of the sinew + which is upon the hollow of the thigh." This code, if one could judge it + by the sudden obstinacy which she would put into her refusal to carry out + certain of our instructions, seemed to have foreseen such social + complications and refinements of fashion as nothing in Françoise's + surroundings or in her career as a servant in a village household could + have put into her head; and we were obliged to assume that there was + latent in her some past existence in the ancient history of France, noble + and little understood, just as there is in those manufacturing towns where + old mansions still testify to their former courtly days, and chemical + workers toil among delicately sculptured scenes of the Miracle of + Theophilus or the Quatre Fils Aymon. + </p> + <p> + In this particular instance, the article of her code which made it highly + improbable that—barring an outbreak of fire—Françoise would go + down and disturb Mamma when M. Swann was there for so unimportant a person + as myself was one embodying the respect she shewed not only for the family + (as for the dead, for the clergy, or for royalty), but also for the + stranger within our gates; a respect which I should perhaps have found + touching in a book, but which never failed to irritate me on her lips, + because of the solemn and gentle tones in which she would utter it, and + which irritated me more than usual this evening when the sacred character + in which she invested the dinner-party might have the effect of making her + decline to disturb its ceremonial. But to give myself one chance of + success I lied without hesitation, telling her that it was not in the + least myself who had wanted to write to Mamma, but Mamma who, on saying + good night to me, had begged me not to forget to send her an answer about + something she had asked me to find, and that she would certainly be very + angry if this note were not taken to her. I think that Françoise + disbelieved me, for, like those primitive men whose senses were so much + keener than our own, she could immediately detect, by signs imperceptible + by the rest of us, the truth or falsehood of anything that we might wish + to conceal from her. She studied the envelope for five minutes as though + an examination of the paper itself and the look of my handwriting could + enlighten her as to the nature of the contents, or tell her to which + article of her code she ought to refer the matter. Then she went out with + an air of resignation which seemed to imply: "What a dreadful thing for + parents to have a child like this!" + </p> + <p> + A moment later she returned to say that they were still at the ice stage + and that it was impossible for the butler to deliver the note at once, in + front of everybody; but that when the finger-bowls were put round he would + find a way of slipping it into Mamma's hand. At once my anxiety subsided; + it was now no longer (as it had been a moment ago) until to-morrow that I + had lost my mother, for my little line was going—to annoy her, no + doubt, and doubly so because this contrivance would make me ridiculous in + Swann's eyes—but was going all the same to admit me, invisibly and + by stealth, into the same room as herself, was going to whisper from me + into her ear; for that forbidden and unfriendly dining-room, where but a + moment ago the ice itself—with burned nuts in it—and the + finger-bowls seemed to me to be concealing pleasures that were mischievous + and of a mortal sadness because Mamma was tasting of them and I was far + away, had opened its doors to me and, like a ripe fruit which bursts + through its skin, was going to pour out into my intoxicated heart the + gushing sweetness of Mamma's attention while she was reading what I had + written. Now I was no longer separated from her; the barriers were down; + an exquisite thread was binding us. Besides, that was not all, for surely + Mamma would come. + </p> + <p> + As for the agony through which I had just passed, I imagined that Swann + would have laughed heartily at it if he had read my letter and had guessed + its purpose; whereas, on the contrary, as I was to learn in due course, a + similar anguish had been the bane of his life for many years, and no one + perhaps could have understood my feelings at that moment so well as + himself; to him, that anguish which lies in knowing that the creature one + adores is in some place of enjoyment where oneself is not and cannot + follow—to him that anguish came through Love, to which it is in a + sense predestined, by which it must be equipped and adapted; but when, as + had befallen me, such an anguish possesses one's soul before Love has yet + entered into one's life, then it must drift, awaiting Love's coming, vague + and free, without precise attachment, at the disposal of one sentiment + to-day, of another to-morrow, of filial piety or affection for a comrade. + And the joy with which I first bound myself apprentice, when Françoise + returned to tell me that my letter would be delivered; Swann, too, had + known well that false joy which a friend can give us, or some relative of + the woman we love, when on his arrival at the house or theatre where she + is to be found, for some ball or party or 'first-night' at which he is to + meet her, he sees us wandering outside, desperately awaiting some + opportunity of communicating with her. He recognises us, greets us + familiarly, and asks what we are doing there. And when we invent a story + of having some urgent message to give to his relative or friend, he + assures us that nothing could be more simple, takes us in at the door, and + promises to send her down to us in five minutes. How much we love him—as + at that moment I loved Françoise—the good-natured intermediary who + by a single word has made supportable, human, almost propitious the + inconceivable, infernal scene of gaiety in the thick of which we had been + imagining swarms of enemies, perverse and seductive, beguiling away from + us, even making laugh at us, the woman whom we love. If we are to judge of + them by him, this relative who has accosted us and who is himself an + initiate in those cruel mysteries, then the other guests cannot be so very + demoniacal. Those inaccessible and torturing hours into which she had gone + to taste of unknown pleasures—behold, a breach in the wall, and we + are through it. Behold, one of the moments whose series will go to make up + their sum, a moment as genuine as the rest, if not actually more important + to ourself because our mistress is more intensely a part of it; we picture + it to ourselves, we possess it, we intervene upon it, almost we have + created it: namely, the moment in which he goes to tell her that we are + waiting there below. And very probably the other moments of the party will + not be essentially different, will contain nothing else so exquisite or so + well able to make us suffer, since this kind friend has assured us that + "Of course, she will be delighted to come down! It will be far more + amusing for her to talk to you than to be bored up there." Alas! Swann had + learned by experience that the good intentions of a third party are + powerless to control a woman who is annoyed to find herself pursued even + into a ball-room by a man whom she does not love. Too often, the kind + friend comes down again alone. + </p> + <p> + My mother did not appear, but with no attempt to safeguard my self-respect + (which depended upon her keeping up the fiction that she had asked me to + let her know the result of my search for something or other) made + Françoise tell me, in so many words "There is no answer"—words I + have so often, since then, heard the hall-porters in 'mansions' and the + flunkeys in gambling-clubs and the like, repeat to some poor girl, who + replies in bewilderment: "What! he's said nothing? It's not possible. You + did give him my letter, didn't you? Very well, I shall wait a little + longer." And just as she invariably protests that she does not need the + extra gas which the porter offers to light for her, and sits on there, + hearing nothing further, except an occasional remark on the weather which + the porter exchanges with a messenger whom he will send off suddenly, when + he notices the time, to put some customer's wine on the ice; so, having + declined Françoise's offer to make me some tea or to stay beside me, I let + her go off again to the servants' hall, and lay down and shut my eyes, and + tried not to hear the voices of my family who were drinking their coffee + in the garden. + </p> + <p> + But after a few seconds I realised that, by writing that line to Mamma, by + approaching—at the risk of making her angry—so near to her + that I felt I could reach out and grasp the moment in which I should see + her again, I had cut myself off from the possibility of going to sleep + until I actually had seen her, and my heart began to beat more and more + painfully as I increased my agitation by ordering myself to keep calm and + to acquiesce in my ill-fortune. Then, suddenly, my anxiety subsided, a + feeling of intense happiness coursed through me, as when a strong medicine + begins to take effect and one's pain vanishes: I had formed a resolution + to abandon all attempts to go to sleep without seeing Mamma, and had + decided to kiss her at all costs, even with the certainty of being in + disgrace with her for long afterwards, when she herself came up to bed. + The tranquillity which followed my anguish made me extremely alert, no + less than my sense of expectation, my thirst for and my fear of danger. + </p> + <p> + Noiselessly I opened the window and sat down on the foot of my bed; hardly + daring to move in case they should hear me from below. Things outside + seemed also fixed in mute expectation, so as not to disturb the moonlight + which, duplicating each of them and throwing it back by the extension, + forwards, of a shadow denser and more concrete than its substance, had + made the whole landscape seem at once thinner and longer, like a map + which, after being folded up, is spread out upon the ground. What had to + move—a leaf of the chestnut-tree, for instance—moved. But its + minute shuddering, complete, finished to the least detail and with utmost + delicacy of gesture, made no discord with the rest of the scene, and yet + was not merged in it, remaining clearly outlined. Exposed upon this + surface of silence, which absorbed nothing from them, the most distant + sounds, those which must have come from gardens at the far end of the + town, could be distinguished with such exact 'finish' that the impression + they gave of coming from a distance seemed due only to their 'pianissimo' + execution, like those movements on muted strings so well performed by the + orchestra of the Conservatoire that, although one does not lose a single + note, one thinks all the same that they are being played somewhere + outside, a long way from the concert hall, so that all the old + subscribers, and my grandmother's sisters too, when Swann had given them + his seats, used to strain their ears as if they had caught the distant + approach of an army on the march, which had not yet rounded the corner of + the Rue de Trévise. + </p> + <p> + I was well aware that I had placed myself in a position than which none + could be counted upon to involve me in graver consequences at my parents' + hands; consequences far graver, indeed, than a stranger would have + imagined, and such as (he would have thought) could follow only some + really shameful fault. But in the system of education which they had given + me faults were not classified in the same order as in that of other + children, and I had been taught to place at the head of the list + (doubtless because there was no other class of faults from which I needed + to be more carefully protected) those in which I can now distinguish the + common feature that one succumbs to them by yielding to a nervous impulse. + But such words as these last had never been uttered in my hearing; no one + had yet accounted for my temptations in a way which might have led me to + believe that there was some excuse for my giving in to them, or that I was + actually incapable of holding out against them. Yet I could easily + recognise this class of transgressions by the anguish of mind which + preceded, as well as by the rigour of the punishment which followed them; + and I knew that what I had just done was in the same category as certain + other sins for which I had been severely chastised, though infinitely more + serious than they. When I went out to meet my mother as she herself came + up to bed, and when she saw that I had remained up so as to say good night + to her again in the passage, I should not be allowed to stay in the house + a day longer, I should be packed off to school next morning; so much was + certain. Very good: had I been obliged, the next moment, to hurl myself + out of the window, I should still have preferred such a fate. For what I + wanted now was Mamma, and to say good night to her. I had gone too far + along the road which led to the realisation of this desire to be able to + retrace my steps. + </p> + <p> + I could hear my parents' footsteps as they went with Swann; and, when the + rattle of the gate assured me that he had really gone, I crept to the + window. Mamma was asking my father if he had thought the lobster good, and + whether M. Swann had had some of the coffee-and-pistachio ice. "I thought + it rather so-so," she was saying; "next time we shall have to try another + flavour." + </p> + <p> + "I can't tell you," said my great-aunt, "what a change I find in Swann. He + is quite antiquated!" She had grown so accustomed to seeing Swann always + in the same stage of adolescence that it was a shock to her to find him + suddenly less young than the age she still attributed to him. And the + others too were beginning to remark in Swann that abnormal, excessive, + scandalous senescence, meet only in a celibate, in one of that class for + whom it seems that the great day which knows no morrow must be longer than + for other men, since for such a one it is void of promise, and from its + dawn the moments steadily accumulate without any subsequent partition + among his offspring. + </p> + <p> + "I fancy he has a lot of trouble with that wretched wife of his, who + 'lives' with a certain Monsieur de Charlus, as all Combray knows. It's the + talk of the town." + </p> + <p> + My mother observed that, in spite of this, he had looked much less unhappy + of late. "And he doesn't nearly so often do that trick of his, so like his + father, of wiping his eyes and passing his hand across his forehead. I + think myself that in his heart of hearts he doesn't love his wife any + more." + </p> + <p> + "Why, of course he doesn't," answered my grandfather. "He wrote me a + letter about it, ages ago, to which I took care to pay no attention, but + it left no doubt as to his feelings, let alone his love for his wife. + Hullo! you two; you never thanked him for the Asti!" he went on, turning + to his sisters-in-law. + </p> + <p> + "What! we never thanked him? I think, between you and me, that I put it to + him quite neatly," replied my aunt Flora. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, you managed it very well; I admired you for it," said my aunt + Céline. + </p> + <p> + "But you did it very prettily, too." + </p> + <p> + "Yes; I liked my expression about 'nice neighbours.'" + </p> + <p> + "What! Do you call that thanking him?" shouted my grandfather. "I heard + that all right, but devil take me if I guessed it was meant for Swann. You + may be quite sure he never noticed it." + </p> + <p> + "Come, come; Swann is not a fool. I am positive he appreciated the + compliment. You didn't expect me to tell him the number of bottles, or to + guess what he paid for them." + </p> + <p> + My father and mother were left alone and sat down for a moment; then my + father said: "Well, shall we go up to bed?" + </p> + <p> + "As you wish, dear, though I don't feel in the least like sleeping. I + don't know why; it can't be the coffee-ice—it wasn't strong enough + to keep me awake like this. But I see a light in the servants' hall: poor + Françoise has been sitting up for me, so I will get her to unhook me while + you go and undress." + </p> + <p> + My mother opened the latticed door which led from the hall to the + staircase. Presently I heard her coming upstairs to close her window. I + went quietly into the passage; my heart was beating so violently that I + could hardly move, but at least it was throbbing no longer with anxiety, + but with terror and with joy. I saw in the well of the stair a light + coming upwards, from Mamma's candle. Then I saw Mamma herself: I threw + myself upon her. For an instant she looked at me in astonishment, not + realising what could have happened. Then her face assumed an expression of + anger. She said not a single word to me; and, for that matter, I used to + go for days on end without being spoken to, for far less offences than + this. A single word from Mamma would have been an admission that further + intercourse with me was within the bounds of possibility, and that might + perhaps have appeared to me more terrible still, as indicating that, with + such a punishment as was in store for me, mere silence, and even anger, + were relatively puerile. + </p> + <p> + A word from her then would have implied the false calm in which one + converses with a servant to whom one has just decided to give notice; the + kiss one bestows on a son who is being packed off to enlist, which would + have been denied him if it had merely been a matter of being angry with + him for a few days. But she heard my father coming from the dressing-room, + where he had gone to take off his clothes, and, to avoid the 'scene' which + he would make if he saw me, she said, in a voice half-stifled by her + anger: "Run away at once. Don't let your father see you standing there + like a crazy jane!" + </p> + <p> + But I begged her again to "Come and say good night to me!" terrified as I + saw the light from my father's candle already creeping up the wall, but + also making use of his approach as a means of blackmail, in the hope that + my mother, not wishing him to find me there, as find me he must if she + continued to hold out, would give in to me, and say: "Go back to your + room. I will come." + </p> + <p> + Too late: my father was upon us. Instinctively I murmured, though no one + heard me, "I am done for!" + </p> + <p> + I was not, however. My father used constantly to refuse to let me do + things which were quite clearly allowed by the more liberal charters + granted me by my mother and grandmother, because he paid no heed to + 'Principles,' and because in his sight there were no such things as + 'Rights of Man.' For some quite irrelevant reason, or for no reason at + all, he would at the last moment prevent me from taking some particular + walk, one so regular and so consecrated to my use that to deprive me of it + was a clear breach of faith; or again, as he had done this evening, long + before the appointed hour he would snap out: "Run along up to bed now; no + excuses!" But then again, simply because he was devoid of principles (in + my grandmother's sense), so he could not, properly speaking, be called + inexorable. He looked at me for a moment with an air of annoyance and + surprise, and then when Mamma had told him, not without some + embarrassment, what had happened, said to her: "Go along with him, then; + you said just now that you didn't feel like sleep, so stay in his room for + a little. I don't need anything." + </p> + <p> + "But dear," my mother answered timidly, "whether or not I feel like sleep + is not the point; we must not make the child accustomed..." + </p> + <p> + "There's no question of making him accustomed," said my father, with a + shrug of the shoulders; "you can see quite well that the child is unhappy. + After all, we aren't gaolers. You'll end by making him ill, and a lot of + good that will do. There are two beds in his room; tell Françoise to make + up the big one for you, and stay beside him for the rest of the night. I'm + off to bed, anyhow; I'm not nervous like you. Good night." + </p> + <p> + It was impossible for me to thank my father; what he called my + sentimentality would have exasperated him. I stood there, not daring to + move; he was still confronting us, an immense figure in his white + nightshirt, crowned with the pink and violet scarf of Indian cashmere in + which, since he had begun to suffer from neuralgia, he used to tie up his + head, standing like Abraham in the engraving after Benozzo Gozzoli which + M. Swann had given me, telling Sarah that she must tear herself away from + Isaac. Many years have passed since that night. The wall of the staircase, + up which I had watched the light of his candle gradually climb, was long + ago demolished. And in myself, too, many things have perished which, I + imagined, would last for ever, and new structures have arisen, giving + birth to new sorrows and new joys which in those days I could not have + foreseen, just as now the old are difficult of comprehension. It is a long + time, too, since my father has been able to tell Mamma to "Go with the + child." Never again will such hours be possible for me. But of late I have + been increasingly able to catch, if I listen attentively, the sound of the + sobs which I had the strength to control in my father's presence, and + which broke out only when I found myself alone with Mamma. Actually, their + echo has never ceased: it is only because life is now growing more and + more quiet round about me that I hear them afresh, like those convent + bells which are so effectively drowned during the day by the noises of the + streets that one would suppose them to have been stopped for ever, until + they sound out again through the silent evening air. + </p> + <p> + Mamma spent that night in my room: when I had just committed a sin so + deadly that I was waiting to be banished from the household, my parents + gave me a far greater concession than I should ever have won as the reward + of a good action. Even at the moment when it manifested itself in this + crowning mercy, my father's conduct towards me was still somewhat + arbitrary, and regardless of my deserts, as was characteristic of him and + due to the fact that his actions were generally dictated by chance + expediencies rather than based on any formal plan. And perhaps even what I + called his strictness, when he sent me off to bed, deserved that title + less, really, than my mother's or grandmother's attitude, for his nature, + which in some respects differed more than theirs from my own, had probably + prevented him from guessing, until then, how wretched I was every evening, + a thing which my mother and grandmother knew well; but they loved me + enough to be unwilling to spare me that suffering, which they hoped to + teach me to overcome, so as to reduce my nervous sensibility and to + strengthen my will. As for my father, whose affection for me was of + another kind, I doubt if he would have shewn so much courage, for as soon + as he had grasped the fact that I was unhappy he had said to my mother: + "Go and comfort him." Mamma stayed all night in my room, and it seemed + that she did not wish to mar by recrimination those hours, so different + from anything that I had had a right to expect; for when Françoise (who + guessed that something extraordinary must have happened when she saw Mamma + sitting by my side, holding my hand and letting me cry unchecked) said to + her: "But, Madame, what is little Master crying for?" she replied: "Why, + Françoise, he doesn't know himself: it is his nerves. Make up the big bed + for me quickly and then go off to your own." And thus for the first time + my unhappiness was regarded no longer as a fault for which I must be + punished, but as an involuntary evil which had been officially recognised + a nervous condition for which I was in no way responsible: I had the + consolation that I need no longer mingle apprehensive scruples with the + bitterness of my tears; I could weep henceforward without sin. I felt no + small degree of pride, either, in Françoise's presence at this return to + humane conditions which, not an hour after Mamma had refused to come up to + my room and had sent the snubbing message that I was to go to sleep, + raised me to the dignity of a grown-up person, brought me of a sudden to a + sort of puberty of sorrow, to emancipation from tears. I ought then to + have been happy; I was not. It struck me that my mother had just made a + first concession which must have been painful to her, that it was a first + step down from the ideal she had formed for me, and that for the first + time she, with all her courage, had to confess herself beaten. It struck + me that if I had just scored a victory it was over her; that I had + succeeded, as sickness or sorrow or age might have succeeded, in relaxing + her will, in altering her judgment; that this evening opened a new era, + must remain a black date in the calendar. And if I had dared now, I should + have said to Mamma: "No, I don't want you; you mustn't sleep here." But I + was conscious of the practical wisdom, of what would be called nowadays + the realism with which she tempered the ardent idealism of my + grandmother's nature, and I knew that now the mischief was done she would + prefer to let me enjoy the soothing pleasure of her company, and not to + disturb my father again. Certainly my mother's beautiful features seemed + to shine again with youth that evening, as she sat gently holding my hands + and trying to check my tears; but, just for that reason, it seemed to me + that this should not have happened; her anger would have been less + difficult to endure than this new kindness which my childhood had not + known; I felt that I had with an impious and secret finger traced a first + wrinkle upon her soul and made the first white hair shew upon her head. + This thought redoubled my sobs, and then I saw that Mamma, who had never + allowed herself to go to any length of tenderness with me, was suddenly + overcome by my tears and had to struggle to keep back her own. Then, as + she saw that I had noticed this, she said to me, with a smile: "Why, my + little buttercup, my little canary-boy, he's going to make Mamma as silly + as himself if this goes on. Look, since you can't sleep, and Mamma can't + either, we mustn't go on in this stupid way; we must do something; I'll + get one of your books." But I had none there. "Would you like me to get + out the books now that your grandmother is going to give you for your + birthday? Just think it over first, and don't be disappointed if there is + nothing new for you then." + </p> + <p> + I was only too delighted, and Mamma went to find a parcel of books in + which I could not distinguish, through the paper in which it was wrapped, + any more than its squareness and size, but which, even at this first + glimpse, brief and obscure as it was, bade fair to eclipse already the + paint-box of last New Year's Day and the silkworms of the year before. It + contained <i>La Mare au Diable</i>, <i>François le Champi</i>, <i>La + Petite Fadette</i>, and <i>Les Maîtres Sonneurs</i>. My grandmother, as I + learned afterwards, had at first chosen Mussel's poems, a volume of + Rousseau, and <i>Indiana</i>; for while she considered light reading as + unwholesome as sweets and cakes, she did not reflect that the strong + breath of genius must have upon the very soul of a child an influence at + once more dangerous and less quickening than those of fresh air and + country breezes upon his body. But when my father had seemed almost to + regard her as insane on learning the names of the books she proposed to + give me, she had journeyed back by herself to Jouy-le-Vicomte to the + bookseller's, so that there should be no fear of my not having my present + in time (it was a burning hot day, and she had come home so unwell that + the doctor had warned my mother not to allow her again to tire herself in + that way), and had there fallen back upon the four pastoral novels of + George Sand. + </p> + <p> + "My dear," she had said to Mamma, "I could not allow myself to give the + child anything that was not well written." + </p> + <p> + The truth was that she could never make up her mind to purchase anything + from which no intellectual profit was to be derived, and, above all, that + profit which good things bestowed on us by teaching us to seek our + pleasures elsewhere than in the barren satisfaction of worldly wealth. + Even when she had to make some one a present of the kind called 'useful,' + when she had to give an armchair or some table-silver or a walking-stick, + she would choose 'antiques,' as though their long desuetude had effaced + from them any semblance of utility and fitted them rather to instruct us + in the lives of the men of other days than to serve the common + requirements of our own. She would have liked me to have in my room + photographs of ancient buildings or of beautiful places. But at the moment + of buying them, and for all that the subject of the picture had an + aesthetic value of its own, she would find that vulgarity and utility had + too prominent a part in them, through the mechanical nature of their + reproduction by photography. She attempted by a subterfuge, if not to + eliminate altogether their commercial banality, at least to minimise it, + to substitute for the bulk of it what was art still, to introduce, as it + might be, several 'thicknesses' of art; instead of photographs of Chartres + Cathedral, of the Fountains of Saint-Cloud, or of Vesuvius she would + inquire of Swann whether some great painter had not made pictures of them, + and preferred to give me photographs of 'Chartres Cathedral' after Corot, + of the 'Fountains of Saint-Cloud' after Hubert Robert, and of 'Vesuvius' + after Turner, which were a stage higher in the scale of art. But although + the photographer had been prevented from reproducing directly the + masterpieces or the beauties of nature, and had there been replaced by a + great artist, he resumed his odious position when it came to reproducing + the artist's interpretation. Accordingly, having to reckon again with + vulgarity, my grandmother would endeavour to postpone the moment of + contact still further. She would ask Swann if the picture had not been + engraved, preferring, when possible, old engravings with some interest of + association apart from themselves, such, for example, as shew us a + masterpiece in a state in which we can no longer see it to-day, as + Morghen's print of the 'Cenacolo' of Leonardo before it was spoiled by + restoration. It must be admitted that the results of this method of + interpreting the art of making presents were not always happy. The idea + which I formed of Venice, from a drawing by Titian which is supposed to + have the lagoon in the background, was certainly far less accurate than + what I have since derived from ordinary photographs. We could no longer + keep count in the family (when my great-aunt tried to frame an indictment + of my grandmother) of all the armchairs she had presented to married + couples, young and old, which on a first attempt to sit down upon them had + at once collapsed beneath the weight of their recipient. But my + grandmother would have thought it sordid to concern herself too closely + with the solidity of any piece of furniture in which could still be + discerned a flourish, a smile, a brave conceit of the past. And even what + in such pieces supplied a material need, since it did so in a manner to + which we are no longer accustomed, was as charming to her as one of those + old forms of speech in which we can still see traces of a metaphor whose + fine point has been worn away by the rough usage of our modern tongue. In + precisely the same way the pastoral novels of George Sand, which she was + giving me for my birthday, were regular lumber-rooms of antique furniture, + full of expressions that have fallen out of use and returned as imagery, + such as one finds now only in country dialects. And my grandmother had + bought them in preference to other books, just as she would have preferred + to take a house that had a gothic dovecot, or some other such piece of + antiquity as would have a pleasant effect on the mind, filling it with a + nostalgic longing for impossible journeys through the realms of time. + </p> + <p> + Mamma sat down by my bed; she had chosen <i>François le Champi</i>, whose + reddish cover and incomprehensible title gave it a distinct personality in + my eyes and a mysterious attraction. I had not then read any real novels. + I had heard it said that George Sand was a typical novelist. That prepared + me in advance to imagine that <i>François le Champi</i> contained + something inexpressibly delicious. The course of the narrative, where it + tended to arouse curiosity or melt to pity, certain modes of expression + which disturb or sadden the reader, and which, with a little experience, + he may recognise as 'common form' in novels, seemed to me then distinctive—for + to me a new book was not one of a number of similar objects, but was like + an individual man, unmatched, and with no cause of existence beyond + himself—an intoxicating whiff of the peculiar essence of <i>François + le Champi</i>. Beneath the everyday incidents, the commonplace thoughts + and hackneyed words, I could hear, or overhear, an intonation, a rhythmic + utterance fine and strange. The 'action' began: to me it seemed all the + more obscure because in those days, when I read to myself, I used often, + while I turned the pages, to dream of something quite different. And to + the gaps which this habit made in my knowledge of the story more were + added by the fact that when it was Mamma who was reading to me aloud she + left all the love-scenes out. And so all the odd changes which take place + in the relations between the miller's wife and the boy, changes which only + the birth and growth of love can explain, seemed to me plunged and steeped + in a mystery, the key to which (as I could readily believe) lay in that + strange and pleasant-sounding name of <i>Champi</i>, which draped the boy + who bore it, I knew not why, in its own bright colour, purpurate and + charming. If my mother was not a faithful reader, she was, none the less, + admirable when reading a work in which she found the note of true feeling + by the respectful simplicity of her interpretation and by the sound of her + sweet and gentle voice. It was the same in her daily life, when it was not + works of art but men and women whom she was moved to pity or admire: it + was touching to observe with what deference she would banish from her + voice, her gestures, from her whole conversation, now the note of joy + which might have distressed some mother who had long ago lost a child, now + the recollection of an event or anniversary which might have reminded some + old gentleman of the burden of his years, now the household topic which + might have bored some young man of letters. And so, when she read aloud + the prose of George Sand, prose which is everywhere redolent of that + generosity and moral distinction which Mamma had learned from my + grandmother to place above all other qualities in life, and which I was + not to teach her until much later to refrain from placing, in the same + way, above all other qualities in literature; taking pains to banish from + her voice any weakness or affectation which might have blocked its channel + for that powerful stream of language, she supplied all the natural + tenderness, all the lavish sweetness which they demanded to phrases which + seemed to have been composed for her voice, and which were all, so to + speak, within her compass. She came to them with the tone that they + required, with the cordial accent which existed before they were, which + dictated them, but which is not to be found in the words themselves, and + by these means she smoothed away, as she read on, any harshness there + might be or discordance in the tenses of verbs, endowing the imperfect and + the preterite with all the sweetness which there is in generosity, all the + melancholy which there is in love; guided the sentence that was drawing to + an end towards that which was waiting to begin, now hastening, now + slackening the pace of the syllables so as to bring them, despite their + difference of quantity, into a uniform rhythm, and breathed into this + quite ordinary prose a kind of life, continuous and full of feeling. + </p> + <p> + My agony was soothed; I let myself be borne upon the current of this + gentle night on which I had my mother by my side. I knew that such a night + could not be repeated; that the strongest desire I had in the world, + namely, to keep my mother in my room through the sad hours of darkness, + ran too much counter to general requirements and to the wishes of others + for such a concession as had been granted me this evening to be anything + but a rare and casual exception. To-morrow night I should again be the + victim of anguish and Mamma would not stay by my side. But when these + storms of anguish grew calm I could no longer realise their existence; + besides, tomorrow evening was still a long way off; I reminded myself that + I should still have time to think about things, albeit that remission of + time could bring me no access of power, albeit the coming event was in no + way dependent upon the exercise of my will, and seemed not quite + inevitable only because it was still separated from me by this short + interval. + </p> + <p> + * * * + </p> + <p> + And so it was that, for a long time afterwards, when I lay awake at night + and revived old memories of Combray, I saw no more of it than this sort of + luminous panel, sharply defined against a vague and shadowy background, + like the panels which a Bengal fire or some electric sign will illuminate + and dissect from the front of a building the other parts of which remain + plunged in darkness: broad enough at its base, the little parlour, the + dining-room, the alluring shadows of the path along which would come M. + Swann, the unconscious author of my sufferings, the hall through which I + would journey to the first step of that staircase, so hard to climb, which + constituted, all by itself, the tapering 'elevation' of an irregular + pyramid; and, at the summit, my bedroom, with the little passage through + whose glazed door Mamma would enter; in a word, seen always at the same + evening hour, isolated from all its possible surroundings, detached and + solitary against its shadowy background, the bare minimum of scenery + necessary (like the setting one sees printed at the head of an old play, + for its performance in the provinces) to the drama of my undressing, as + though all Combray had consisted of but two floors joined by a slender + staircase, and as though there had been no time there but seven o'clock at + night. I must own that I could have assured any questioner that Combray + did include other scenes and did exist at other hours than these. But + since the facts which I should then have recalled would have been prompted + only by an exercise of the will, by my intellectual memory, and since the + pictures which that kind of memory shews us of the past preserve nothing + of the past itself, I should never have had any wish to ponder over this + residue of Combray. To me it was in reality all dead. + </p> + <p> + Permanently dead? Very possibly. + </p> + <p> + There is a large element of hazard in these matters, and a second hazard, + that of our own death, often prevents us from awaiting for any length of + time the favours of the first. + </p> + <p> + I feel that there is much to be said for the Celtic belief that the souls + of those whom we have lost are held captive in some inferior being, in an + animal, in a plant, in some inanimate object, and so effectively lost to + us until the day (which to many never comes) when we happen to pass by the + tree or to obtain possession of the object which forms their prison. Then + they start and tremble, they call us by our name, and as soon as we have + recognised their voice the spell is broken. We have delivered them: they + have overcome death and return to share our life. + </p> + <p> + And so it is with our own past. It is a labour in vain to attempt to + recapture it: all the efforts of our intellect must prove futile. The past + is hidden somewhere outside the realm, beyond the reach of intellect, in + some material object (in the sensation which that material object will + give us) which we do not suspect. And as for that object, it depends on + chance whether we come upon it or not before we ourselves must die. + </p> + <p> + Many years had elapsed during which nothing of Combray, save what was + comprised in the theatre and the drama of my going to bed there, had any + existence for me, when one day in winter, as I came home, my mother, + seeing that I was cold, offered me some tea, a thing I did not ordinarily + take. I declined at first, and then, for no particular reason, changed my + mind. She sent out for one of those short, plump little cakes called + 'petites madeleines,' which look as though they had been moulded in the + fluted scallop of a pilgrim's shell. And soon, mechanically, weary after a + dull day with the prospect of a depressing morrow, I raised to my lips a + spoonful of the tea in which I had soaked a morsel of the cake. No sooner + had the warm liquid, and the crumbs with it, touched my palate than a + shudder ran through my whole body, and I stopped, intent upon the + extraordinary changes that were taking place. An exquisite pleasure had + invaded my senses, but individual, detached, with no suggestion of its + origin. And at once the vicissitudes of life had become indifferent to me, + its disasters innocuous, its brevity illusory—this new sensation + having had on me the effect which love has of filling me with a precious + essence; or rather this essence was not in me, it was myself. I had ceased + now to feel mediocre, accidental, mortal. Whence could it have come to me, + this all-powerful joy? I was conscious that it was connected with the + taste of tea and cake, but that it infinitely transcended those savours, + could not, indeed, be of the same nature as theirs. Whence did it come? + What did it signify? How could I seize upon and define it? + </p> + <p> + I drink a second mouthful, in which I find nothing more than in the first, + a third, which gives me rather less than the second. It is time to stop; + the potion is losing its magic. It is plain that the object of my quest, + the truth, lies not in the cup but in myself. The tea has called up in me, + but does not itself understand, and can only repeat indefinitely with a + gradual loss of strength, the same testimony; which I, too, cannot + interpret, though I hope at least to be able to call upon the tea for it + again and to find it there presently, intact and at my disposal, for my + final enlightenment. I put down my cup and examine my own mind. It is for + it to discover the truth. But how? What an abyss of uncertainty whenever + the mind feels that some part of it has strayed beyond its own borders; + when it, the seeker, is at once the dark region through which it must go + seeking, where all its equipment will avail it nothing. Seek? More than + that: create. It is face to face with something which does not so far + exist, to which it alone can give reality and substance, which it alone + can bring into the light of day. + </p> + <p> + And I begin again to ask myself what it could have been, this unremembered + state which brought with it no logical proof of its existence, but only + the sense that it was a happy, that it was a real state in whose presence + other states of consciousness melted and vanished. I decide to attempt to + make it reappear. I retrace my thoughts to the moment at which I drank the + first spoonful of tea. I find again the same state, illumined by no fresh + light. I compel my mind to make one further effort, to follow and + recapture once again the fleeting sensation. And that nothing may + interrupt it in its course I shut out every obstacle, every extraneous + idea, I stop my ears and inhibit all attention to the sounds which come + from the next room. And then, feeling that my mind is growing fatigued + without having any success to report, I compel it for a change to enjoy + that distraction which I have just denied it, to think of other things, to + rest and refresh itself before the supreme attempt. And then for the + second time I clear an empty space in front of it. I place in position + before my mind's eye the still recent taste of that first mouthful, and I + feel something start within me, something that leaves its resting-place + and attempts to rise, something that has been embedded like an anchor at a + great depth; I do not know yet what it is, but I can feel it mounting + slowly; I can measure the resistance, I can hear the echo of great spaces + traversed. + </p> + <p> + Undoubtedly what is thus palpitating in the depths of my being must be the + image, the visual memory which, being linked to that taste, has tried to + follow it into my conscious mind. But its struggles are too far off, too + much confused; scarcely can I perceive the colourless reflection in which + are blended the uncapturable whirling medley of radiant hues, and I cannot + distinguish its form, cannot invite it, as the one possible interpreter, + to translate to me the evidence of its contemporary, its inseparable + paramour, the taste of cake soaked in tea; cannot ask it to inform me what + special circumstance is in question, of what period in my past life. + </p> + <p> + Will it ultimately reach the clear surface of my consciousness, this + memory, this old, dead moment which the magnetism of an identical moment + has travelled so far to importune, to disturb, to raise up out of the very + depths of my being? I cannot tell. Now that I feel nothing, it has + stopped, has perhaps gone down again into its darkness, from which who can + say whether it will ever rise? Ten times over I must essay the task, must + lean down over the abyss. And each time the natural laziness which deters + us from every difficult enterprise, every work of importance, has urged me + to leave the thing alone, to drink my tea and to think merely of the + worries of to-day and of my hopes for to-morrow, which let themselves be + pondered over without effort or distress of mind. + </p> + <p> + And suddenly the memory returns. The taste was that of the little crumb of + madeleine which on Sunday mornings at Combray (because on those mornings I + did not go out before church-time), when I went to say good day to her in + her bedroom, my aunt Léonie used to give me, dipping it first in her own + cup of real or of lime-flower tea. The sight of the little madeleine had + recalled nothing to my mind before I tasted it; perhaps because I had so + often seen such things in the interval, without tasting them, on the trays + in pastry-cooks' windows, that their image had dissociated itself from + those Combray days to take its place among others more recent; perhaps + because of those memories, so long abandoned and put out of mind, nothing + now survived, everything was scattered; the forms of things, including + that of the little scallop-shell of pastry, so richly sensual under its + severe, religious folds, were either obliterated or had been so long + dormant as to have lost the power of expansion which would have allowed + them to resume their place in my consciousness. But when from a + long-distant past nothing subsists, after the people are dead, after the + things are broken and scattered, still, alone, more fragile, but with more + vitality, more unsubstantial, more persistent, more faithful, the smell + and taste of things remain poised a long time, like souls, ready to remind + us, waiting and hoping for their moment, amid the ruins of all the rest; + and bear unfaltering, in the tiny and almost impalpable drop of their + essence, the vast structure of recollection. + </p> + <p> + And once I had recognized the taste of the crumb of madeleine soaked in + her decoction of lime-flowers which my aunt used to give me (although I + did not yet know and must long postpone the discovery of why this memory + made me so happy) immediately the old grey house upon the street, where + her room was, rose up like the scenery of a theatre to attach itself to + the little pavilion, opening on to the garden, which had been built out + behind it for my parents (the isolated panel which until that moment had + been all that I could see); and with the house the town, from morning to + night and in all weathers, the Square where I was sent before luncheon, + the streets along which I used to run errands, the country roads we took + when it was fine. And just as the Japanese amuse themselves by filling a + porcelain bowl with water and steeping in it little crumbs of paper which + until then are without character or form, but, the moment they become wet, + stretch themselves and bend, take on colour and distinctive shape, become + flowers or houses or people, permanent and recognisable, so in that moment + all the flowers in our garden and in M. Swann's park, and the water-lilies + on the Vivonne and the good folk of the village and their little dwellings + and the parish church and the whole of Combray and of its surroundings, + taking their proper shapes and growing solid, sprang into being, town and + gardens alike, from my cup of tea. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + COMBRAY + </h2> + <p> + Combray at a distance, from a twenty-mile radius, as we used to see it + from the railway when we arrived there every year in Holy Week, was no + more than a church epitomising the town, representing it, speaking of it + and for it to the horizon, and as one drew near, gathering close about its + long, dark cloak, sheltering from the wind, on the open plain, as a + shepherd gathers his sheep, the woolly grey backs of its flocking houses, + which a fragment of its mediaeval ramparts enclosed, here and there, in an + outline as scrupulously circular as that of a little town in a primitive + painting. To live in, Combray was a trifle depressing, like its streets, + whose houses, built of the blackened stone of the country, fronted with + outside steps, capped with gables which projected long shadows downwards, + were so dark that one had, as soon as the sun began to go down, to draw + back the curtains in the sitting-room windows; streets with the solemn + names of Saints, not a few of whom figured in the history of the early + lords of Combray, such as the Rue Saint-Hilaire, the Rue Saint-Jacques, in + which my aunt's house stood, the Rue Sainte-Hildegarde, which ran past her + railings, and the Rue du Saint-Esprit, on to which the little garden gate + opened; and these Combray streets exist in so remote a quarter of my + memory, painted in colours so different from those in which the world is + decked for me to-day, that in fact one and all of them, and the church + which towered above them in the Square, seem to me now more unsubstantial + than the projections of my magic-lantern; while at times I feel that to be + able to cross the Rue Saint-Hilaire again, to engage a room in the Rue de + l'Oiseau, in the old hostelry of the Oiseau Flesché, from whose windows in + the pavement used to rise a smell of cooking which rises still in my mind, + now and then, in the same warm gusts of comfort, would be to secure a + contact with the unseen world more marvellously supernatural than it would + be to make Golo's acquaintance and to chat with Geneviève de Brabant. + </p> + <p> + My grandfather's cousin—by courtesy my great-aunt—with whom we + used to stay, was the mother of that aunt Léonie who, since her husband's + (my uncle Octave's) death, had gradually declined to leave, first Combray, + then her house in Combray, then her bedroom, and finally her bed; and who + now never 'came down,' but lay perpetually in an indefinite condition of + grief, physical exhaustion, illness, obsessions, and religious + observances. Her own room looked out over the Rue Saint-Jacques, which ran + a long way further to end in the Grand-Pré (as distinct from the + Petit-Pré, a green space in the centre of the town where three streets + met) and which, monotonous and grey, with the three high steps of stone + before almost every one of its doors, seemed like a deep furrow cut by + some sculptor of gothic images in the very block of stone out of which he + had fashioned a Calvary or a Crib. My aunt's life was now practically + confined to two adjoining rooms, in one of which she would rest in the + afternoon while they aired the other. They were rooms of that country + order which (just as in certain climes whole tracts of air or ocean are + illuminated or scented by myriads of protozoa which we cannot see) + fascinate our sense of smell with the countless odours springing from + their own special virtues, wisdom, habits, a whole secret system of life, + invisible, superabundant and profoundly moral, which their atmosphere + holds in solution; smells natural enough indeed, and coloured by + circumstances as are those of the neighbouring countryside, but already + humanised, domesticated, confined, an exquisite, skilful, limpid jelly, + blending all the fruits of the season which have left the orchard for the + store-room, smells changing with the year, but plenishing, domestic + smells, which compensate for the sharpness of hoar frost with the sweet + savour of warm bread, smells lazy and punctual as a village clock, roving + smells, pious smells; rejoicing in a peace which brings only an increase + of anxiety, and in a prosiness which serves as a deep source of poetry to + the stranger who passes through their midst without having lived amongst + them. The air of those rooms was saturated with the fine bouquet of a + silence so nourishing, so succulent that I could not enter them without a + sort of greedy enjoyment, particularly on those first mornings, chilly + still, of the Easter holidays, when I could taste it more fully, because I + had just arrived then at Combray: before I went in to wish my aunt good + day I would be kept waiting a little time in the outer room, where the + sun, a wintry sun still, had crept in to warm itself before the fire, + lighted already between its two brick sides and plastering all the room + and everything in it with a smell of soot, making the room like one of + those great open hearths which one finds in the country, or one of the + canopied mantelpieces in old castles under which one sits hoping that in + the world outside it is raining or snowing, hoping almost for a + catastrophic deluge to add the romance of shelter and security to the + comfort of a snug retreat; I would turn to and fro between the prayer-desk + and the stamped velvet armchairs, each one always draped in its crocheted + antimacassar, while the fire, baking like a pie the appetising smells with + which the air of the room was thickly clotted, which the dewy and sunny + freshness of the morning had already 'raised' and started to 'set,' puffed + them and glazed them and fluted them and swelled them into an invisible + though not impalpable country cake, an immense puff-pastry, in which, + barely waiting to savour the crustier, more delicate, more respectable, + but also drier smells of the cupboard, the chest-of-drawers, and the + patterned wall-paper I always returned with an unconfessed gluttony to + bury myself in the nondescript, resinous, dull, indigestible, and fruity + smell of the flowered quilt. + </p> + <p> + In the next room I could hear my aunt talking quietly to herself. She + never spoke save in low tones, because she believed that there was + something broken in her head and floating loose there, which she might + displace by talking too loud; but she never remained for long, even when + alone, without saying something, because she believed that it was good for + her throat, and that by keeping the blood there in circulation it would + make less frequent the chokings and other pains to which she was liable; + besides, in the life of complete inertia which she led she attached to the + least of her sensations an extraordinary importance, endowed them with a + Protean ubiquity which made it difficult for her to keep them secret, and, + failing a confidant to whom she might communicate them, she used to + promulgate them to herself in an unceasing monologue which was her sole + form of activity. Unfortunately, having formed the habit of thinking + aloud, she did not always take care to see that there was no one in the + adjoining room, and I would often hear her saying to herself: "I must not + forget that I never slept a wink"—for "never sleeping a wink" was + her great claim to distinction, and one admitted and respected in our + household vocabulary; in the morning Françoise would not 'call' her, but + would simply 'come to' her; during the day, when my aunt wished to take a + nap, we used to say just that she wished to 'be quiet' or to 'rest'; and + when in conversation she so far forgot herself as to say "what made me + wake up," or "I dreamed that," she would flush and at once correct + herself. + </p> + <p> + After waiting a minute, I would go in and kiss her; Françoise would be + making her tea; or, if my aunt were feeling 'upset,' she would ask instead + for her 'tisane,' and it would be my duty to shake out of the chemist's + little package on to a plate the amount of lime-blossom required for + infusion in boiling water. The drying of the stems had twisted them into a + fantastic trellis, in whose intervals the pale flowers opened, as though a + painter had arranged them there, grouping them in the most decorative + poses. The leaves, which had lost or altered their own appearance, assumed + those instead of the most incongruous things imaginable, as though the + transparent wings of flies or the blank sides of labels or the petals of + roses had been collected and pounded, or interwoven as birds weave the + material for their nests. A thousand trifling little details—the + charming prodigality of the chemist—details which would have been + eliminated from an artificial preparation, gave me, like a book in which + one is astonished to read the name of a person whom one knows, the + pleasure of finding that these were indeed real lime-blossoms, like those + I had seen, when coming from the train, in the Avenue de la Gare, altered, + but only because they were not imitations but the very same blossoms, + which had grown old. And as each new character is merely a metamorphosis + from something older, in these little grey balls I recognised green buds + plucked before their time; but beyond all else the rosy, moony, tender + glow which lit up the blossoms among the frail forest of stems from which + they hung like little golden roses—marking, as the radiance upon an + old wall still marks the place of a vanished fresco, the difference + between those parts of the tree which had and those which had not been 'in + bloom'—shewed me that these were petals which, before their + flowering-time, the chemist's package had embalmed on warm evenings of + spring. That rosy candlelight was still their colour, but + half-extinguished and deadened in the diminished life which was now + theirs, and which may be called the twilight of a flower. Presently my + aunt was able to dip in the boiling infusion, in which she would relish + the savour of dead or faded blossom, a little madeleine, of which she + would hold out a piece to me when it was sufficiently soft. + </p> + <p> + At one side of her bed stood a big yellow chest-of-drawers of lemon-wood, + and a table which served at once as pharmacy and as high altar, on which, + beneath a statue of Our Lady and a bottle of Vichy-Célestins, might be + found her service-books and her medical prescriptions, everything that she + needed for the performance, in bed, of her duties to soul and body, to + keep the proper times for pepsin and for vespers. On the other side her + bed was bounded by the window: she had the street beneath her eyes, and + would read in it from morning to night to divert the tedium of her life, + like a Persian prince, the daily but immemorial chronicles of Combray, + which she would discuss in detail afterwards with Françoise. + </p> + <p> + I would not have been five minutes with my aunt before she would send me + away in case I made her tired. She would hold out for me to kiss her sad + brow, pale and lifeless, on which at this early hour she would not yet + have arranged the false hair and through which the bones shone like the + points of a crown of thorns—or the beads of a rosary, and she would + say to me: "Now, my poor child, you must go away; go and get ready for + mass; and if you see Françoise downstairs, tell her not to stay too long + amusing herself with you; she must come up soon to see if I want + anything." + </p> + <p> + Françoise, who had been for many years in my aunt's service and did not at + that time suspect that she would one day be transferred entirely to ours, + was a little inclined to desert my aunt during the months which we spent + in her house. There had been in my infancy, before we first went to + Combray, and when my aunt Léonie used still to spend the winter in Paris + with her mother, a time when I knew Françoise so little that on New Year's + Day, before going into my great-aunt's house, my mother put a five-franc + piece in my hand and said: "Now, be careful. Don't make any mistake. Wait + until you hear me say 'Good morning, Françoise,' and I touch your arm + before you give it to her." No sooner had we arrived in my aunt's dark + hall than we saw in the gloom, beneath the frills of a snowy cap as stiff + and fragile as if it had been made of spun sugar, the concentric waves of + a smile of anticipatory gratitude. It was Françoise, motionless and erect, + framed in the small doorway of the corridor like the statue of a saint in + its niche. When we had grown more accustomed to this religious darkness we + could discern in her features a disinterested love of all humanity, + blended with a tender respect for the 'upper classes' which raised to the + most honourable quarter of her heart the hope of receiving her due reward. + Mamma pinched my arm sharply and said in a loud voice: "Good morning, + Françoise." At this signal my fingers parted and I let fall the coin, + which found a receptacle in a confused but outstretched hand. But since we + had begun to go to Combray there was no one I knew better than Françoise. + We were her favourites, and in the first years at least, while she shewed + the same consideration for us as for my aunt, she enjoyed us with a keener + relish, because we had, in addition to our dignity as part of 'the family' + (for she had for those invisible bonds by which community of blood unites + the members of a family as much respect as any Greek tragedian), the fresh + charm of not being her customary employers. And so with what joy would she + welcome us, with what sorrow complain that the weather was still so bad + for us, on the day of our arrival, just before Easter, when there was + often an icy wind; while Mamma inquired after her daughter and her + nephews, and if her grandson was good-looking, and what they were going to + make of him, and whether he took after his granny. + </p> + <p> + Later, when no one else was in the room, Mamma, who knew that Françoise + was still mourning for her parents, who had been dead for years, would + speak of them kindly, asking her endless little questions about them and + their lives. + </p> + <p> + She had guessed that Françoise was not over-fond of her son-in-law, and + that he spoiled the pleasure she found in visiting her daughter, as the + two could not talk so freely when he was there. And so one day, when + Françoise was going to their house, some miles from Combray, Mamma said to + her, with a smile: "Tell me, Françoise, if Julien has had to go away, and + you have Marguerite to yourself all day, you will be very sorry, but will + make the best of it, won't you?" + </p> + <p> + And Françoise answered, laughing: "Madame knows everything; Madame is + worse than the X-rays" (she pronounced 'x' with an affectation of + difficulty and with a smile in deprecation of her, an unlettered woman's, + daring to employ a scientific term) "they brought here for Mme. Octave, + which see what is in your heart"—and she went off, disturbed that + anyone should be caring about her, perhaps anxious that we should not see + her in tears: Mamma was the first person who had given her the pleasure of + feeling that her peasant existence, with its simple joys and sorrows, + might offer some interest, might be a source of grief or pleasure to some + one other than herself. + </p> + <p> + My aunt resigned herself to doing without Françoise to some extent during + our visits, knowing how much my mother appreciated the services of so + active and intelligent a maid, one who looked as smart at five o'clock in + the morning in her kitchen, under a cap whose stiff and dazzling frills + seemed to be made of porcelain, as when dressed for churchgoing; who did + everything in the right way, who toiled like a horse, whether she was well + or ill, but without noise, without the appearance of doing anything; the + only one of my aunt's maids who when Mamma asked for hot water or black + coffee would bring them actually boiling; she was one of those servants + who in a household seem least satisfactory, at first, to a stranger, + doubtless because they take no pains to make a conquest of him and shew + him no special attention, knowing very well that they have no real need of + him, that he will cease to be invited to the house sooner than they will + be dismissed from it; who, on the other hand, cling with most fidelity to + those masters and mistresses who have tested and proved their real + capacity, and do not look for that superficial responsiveness, that + slavish affability, which may impress a stranger favourably, but often + conceals an utter barrenness of spirit in which no amount of training can + produce the least trace of individuality. + </p> + <p> + When Françoise, having seen that my parents had everything they required, + first went upstairs again to give my aunt her pepsin and to find out from + her what she would take for luncheon, very few mornings pased but she was + called upon to give an opinion, or to furnish an explanation, in regard to + some important event. + </p> + <p> + "Just fancy, Françoise, Mme. Goupil went by more than a quarter of an hour + late to fetch her sister: if she loses any more time on the way I should + not be at all surprised if she got in after the Elevation." + </p> + <p> + "Well, there'd be nothing wonderful in that," would be the answer. Or: + </p> + <p> + "Françoise, if you had come in five minutes ago, you would have seen Mme. + Imbert go past with some asparagus twice the size of what mother Callot + has: do try to find out from her cook where she got them. You know you've + been putting asparagus in all your sauces this spring; you might be able + to get some like these for our visitors." + </p> + <p> + "I shouldn't be surprised if they came from the Curé's," Françoise would + say, and: + </p> + <p> + "I'm sure you wouldn't, my poor Françoise," my aunt would reply, raising + her shoulders. "From the Curé's, indeed! You know quite well that he can + never grow anything but wretched little twigs of asparagus, not asparagus + at all. I tell you these ones were as thick as my arm. Not your arm, of + course, but my poor arm, which has grown so much thinner again this year." + Or: + </p> + <p> + "Françoise, didn't you hear that bell just now! It split my head." + </p> + <p> + "No, Mme. Octave." + </p> + <p> + "Ah, poor girl, your skull must be very thick; you may thank God for that. + It was Maguelone come to fetch Dr. Piperaud. He came out with her at once + and they went off along the Rue de l'Oiseau. There must be some child + ill." + </p> + <p> + "Oh dear, dear; the poor little creature!" would come with a sigh from + Françoise, who could not hear of any calamity befalling a person unknown + to her, even in some distant part of the world, without beginning to + lament. Or: + </p> + <p> + "Françoise, for whom did they toll the passing-bell just now? Oh dear, of + course, it would be for Mme. Rousseau. And to think that I had forgotten + that she passed away the other night. Indeed, it is time the Lord called + me home too; I don't know what has become of my head since I lost my poor + Octave. But I am wasting your time, my good girl." + </p> + <p> + "Indeed no, Mme. Octave, my time is not so precious; whoever made our time + didn't sell it to us. I am just going to see that my fire hasn't gone + out." + </p> + <p> + In this way Françoise and my aunt made a critical valuation between them, + in the course of these morning sessions, of the earliest happenings of the + day. But sometimes these happenings assumed so mysterious or so alarming + an air that my aunt felt she could not wait until it was time for + Françoise to come upstairs, and then a formidable and quadruple peal would + resound through the house. + </p> + <p> + "But, Mme. Octave, it is not time for your pepsin," Françoise would begin. + "Are you feeling faint?" + </p> + <p> + "No, thank you, Françoise," my aunt would reply, "that is to say, yes; for + you know well that there is very seldom a time when I don't feel faint; + one day I shall pass away like Mme. Rousseau, before I know where I am; + but that is not why I rang. Would you believe that I have just seen, as + plainly as I see you, Mme. Goupil with a little girl I didn't know at all. + Run and get a pennyworth of salt from Camus. It's not often that Théodore + can't tell you who a person is." + </p> + <p> + "But that must be M. Pupin's daughter," Françoise would say, preferring to + stick to an immediate explanation, since she had been perhaps twice + already into Camus's shop that morning. + </p> + <p> + "M. Pupin's daughter! Oh, that's a likely story, my poor Françoise. Do you + think I should not have recognised M. Pupin's daughter!" + </p> + <p> + "But I don't mean the big one, Mme. Octave; I mean the little girl, he one + who goes to school at Jouy. I seem to have seen her once already this + morning." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, if that's what it is!" my aunt would say, "she must have come over + for the holidays. Yes, that is it. No need to ask, she will have come over + for the holidays. But then we shall soon see Mme. Sazerat come along and + ring her sister's door-bell, for her luncheon. That will be it! I saw the + boy from Galopin's go by with a tart. You will see that the tart was for + Mme. Goupil." + </p> + <p> + "Once Mme. Goupil has anyone in the house, Mme. Octave, you won't be long + in seeing all her folk going in to their luncheon there, for it's not so + early as it was," would be the answer, for Françoise, who was anxious to + retire downstairs to look after our own meal, was not sorry to leave my + aunt with the prospect of such a distraction. + </p> + <p> + "Oh! not before midday!" my aunt would reply in a tone of resignation, + darting an uneasy glance at the clock, but stealthily, so as not to let it + be seen that she, who had renounced all earthly joys, yet found a keen + satisfaction in learning that Mme. Goupil was expecting company to + luncheon, though, alas, she must wait a little more than an hour still + before enjoying the spectacle. "And it will come in the middle of my + luncheon!" she would murmur to herself. Her luncheon was such a + distraction in itself that she did not like any other to come at the same + time. "At least, you will not forget to give me my creamed eggs on one of + the flat plates?" These were the only plates which had pictures on them + and my aunt used to amuse herself at every meal by reading the description + on whichever might have been sent up to her. She would put on her + spectacles and spell out: "Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves," "Aladdin, or + the Wonderful Lamp," and smile, and say "Very good indeed." + </p> + <p> + "I may as well go across to Camus..." Françoise would hazard, seeing that + my aunt had no longer any intention of sending her there. + </p> + <p> + "No, no; it's not worth while now; it's certain to be the Pupin girl. My + poor Françoise, I am sorry to have made you come upstairs for nothing." + </p> + <p> + But it was not for nothing, as my aunt well knew, that she had rung for + Françoise, since at Combray a person whom one 'didn't know at all' was as + incredible a being as any mythological deity, and it was apt to be + forgotten that after each occasion on which there had appeared in the Rue + du Saint-Esprit or in the Square one of these bewildering phenomena, + careful and exhaustive researches had invariably reduced the fabulous + monster to the proportions of a person whom one 'did know,' either + personally or in the abstract, in his or her civil status as being more or + less closely related to some family in Combray. It would turn out to be + Mme. Sauton's son discharged from the army, or the Abbé Perdreau's niece + come home from her convent, or the Curé's brother, a tax-collector at + Châteaudun, who had just retired on a pension or had come over to Combray + for the holidays. On first noticing them you have been impressed by the + thought that there might be in Combray people whom you 'didn't know at + all,' simply because you had failed to recognise or identify them at + once. And yet long beforehand Mme. Sauton and the Curé had given warning + that they expected their 'strangers.' In the evening, when I came in and + went upstairs to tell my aunt the incidents of our walk, if I was rash + enough to say to her that we had passed, near the Pont-Vieux, a man whom + my grandfather didn't know: + </p> + <p> + "A man grandfather didn't know at all!" she would exclaim. "That's a + likely story." None the less, she would be a little disturbed by the news, + she would wish to have the details correctly, and so my grandfather would + be summoned. "Who can it have been that you passed near the Pont-Vieux, + uncle? A man you didn't know at all?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, of course I did," my grandfather would answer; "it was Prosper, Mme. + Bouilleboeuf's gardener's brother." + </p> + <p> + "Ah, well!" my aunt would say, calm again but slightly flushed still; "and + the boy told me that you had passed a man you didn't know at all!" After + which I would be warned to be more careful of what I said, and not to + upset my aunt so by thoughtless remarks. Everyone was so well known in + Combray, animals as well as people, that if my aunt had happened to see a + dog go by which she 'didn't know at all' she would think about it + incessantly, devoting to the solution of the incomprehensible problem all + her inductive talent and her leisure hours. + </p> + <p> + "That will be Mme. Sazerat's dog," Françoise would suggest, without any + real conviction, but in the hope of peace, and so that my aunt should not + 'split her head.' + </p> + <p> + "As if I didn't know Mme. Sazerat's dog!"—for my aunt's critical + mind would not so easily admit any fresh fact. + </p> + <p> + "Ah, but that will be the new dog M. Galopin has brought her from + Lisieux." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, if that's what it is!" + </p> + <p> + "It seems, it's a most engaging animal," Françoise would go on, having got + the story from Théodore, "as clever as a Christian, always in a good + temper, always friendly, always everything that's nice. It's not often you + see an animal so well-behaved at that age. Mme. Octave, it's high time I + left you; I can't afford to stay here amusing myself; look, it's nearly + ten o'clock and my fire not lighted yet, and I've still to dress the + asparagus." + </p> + <p> + "What, Françoise, more asparagus! It's a regular disease of asparagus you + have got this year: you will make our Parisians sick of it." + </p> + <p> + "No, no, Madame Octave, they like it well enough. They'll be coming back + from church soon as hungry as hunters, and they won't eat it out of the + back of their spoons, you'll see." + </p> + <p> + "Church! why, they must be there now; you'd better not lose any time. Go + and look after your luncheon." + </p> + <p> + While my aunt gossiped on in this way with Françoise I would have + accompanied my parents to mass. How I loved it: how clearly I can see it + still, our church at Combray! The old porch by which we went in, black, + and full of holes as a cullender, was worn out of shape and deeply + furrowed at the sides (as also was the holy water stoup to which it led + us) just as if the gentle grazing touch of the cloaks of peasant-women + going into the church, and of their fingers dipping into the water, had + managed by agelong repetition to acquire a destructive force, to impress + itself on the stone, to carve ruts in it like those made by cart-wheels + upon stone gate-posts against which they are driven every day. Its + memorial stones, beneath which the noble dust of the Abbots of Combray, + who were buried there, furnished the choir with a sort of spiritual + pavement, were themselves no longer hard and lifeless matter, for time had + softened and sweetened them, and had made them melt like honey and flow + beyond their proper margins, either surging out in a milky, frothing wave, + washing from its place a florid gothic capital, drowning the white violets + of the marble floor; or else reabsorbed into their limits, contracting + still further a crabbed Latin inscription, bringing a fresh touch of + fantasy into the arrangement of its curtailed characters, closing together + two letters of some word of which the rest were disproportionately + scattered. Its windows were never so brilliant as on days when the sun + scarcely shone, so that if it was dull outside you might be certain of + fine weather in church. One of them was filled from top to bottom by a + solitary figure, like the king on a playing-card, who lived up there + beneath his canopy of stone, between earth and heaven; and in the blue + light of its slanting shadow, on weekdays sometimes, at noon, when there + was no service (at one of those rare moments when the airy, empty church, + more human somehow and more luxurious with the sun shewing off all its + rich furnishings, seemed to have almost a habitable air, like the hall—all + sculptured stone and painted glass—of some mediaeval mansion), you + might see Mme. Sazerat kneel for an instant, laying down on the chair + beside her own a neatly corded parcel of little cakes which she had just + bought at the baker's and was taking home for her luncheon. In another, a + mountain of rosy snow, at whose foot a battle was being fought, seemed to + have frozen the window also, which it swelled and distorted with its + cloudy sleet, like a pane to which snowflakes have drifted and clung, but + flakes illumined by a sunrise—the same, doubtless, which purpled the + reredos of the altar with tints so fresh that they seemed rather to be + thrown on it for a moment by a light shining from outside and shortly to + be extinguished than painted and permanently fastened on the stone. And + all of them were so old that you could see, here and there, their silvery + antiquity sparkling with the dust of centuries and shewing in its + threadbare brilliance the very cords of their lovely tapestry of glass. + There was one among them which was a tall panel composed of a hundred + little rectangular windows, of blue principally, like a great game of + patience of the kind planned to beguile King Charles VI; but, either + because a ray of sunlight had gleamed through it or because my own + shifting vision had drawn across the window, whose colours died away and + were rekindled by turns, a rare and transient fire—the next instant + it had taken on all the iridescence of a peacock's tail, then shook and + wavered in a flaming and fantastic shower, distilled and dropping from the + groin of the dark and rocky vault down the moist walls, as though it were + along the bed of some rainbow grotto of sinuous stalactites that I was + following my parents, who marched before me, their prayer-books clasped in + their hands; a moment later the little lozenge windows had put on the deep + transparence, the unbreakable hardness of sapphires clustered on some + enormous breastplate; but beyond which could be distinguished, dearer than + all such treasures, a fleeting smile from the sun, which could be seen and + felt as well here, in the blue and gentle flood in which it washed the + masonry, as on the pavement of the Square or the straw of the + market-place; and even on our first Sundays, when we came down before + Easter, it would console me for the blackness and bareness of the earth + outside by making burst into blossom, as in some springtime in old history + among the heirs of Saint Louis, this dazzling and gilded carpet of + forget-me-nots in glass. + </p> + <p> + Two tapestries of high warp represented the coronation of Esther (in which + tradition would have it that the weaver had given to Ahasuerus the + features of one of the kings of France and to Esther those of a lady of + Guermantes whose lover he had been); their colours had melted into one + another, so as to add expression, relief, light to the pictures. A touch + of red over the lips of Esther had strayed beyond their outline; the + yellow on her dress was spread with such unctuous plumpness as to have + acquired a kind of solidity, and stood boldly out from the receding + atmosphere; while the green of the trees, which was still bright in silk + and wool among the lower parts of the panel, but had quite 'gone' at the + top, separated in a paler scheme, above the dark trunks, the yellowing + upper branches, tanned and half-obliterated by the sharp though sidelong + rays of an invisible sun. All these things and, still more than these, the + treasures which had come to the church from personages who to me were + almost legendary figures (such as the golden cross wrought, it was said, + by Saint Eloi and presented by Dagobert, and the tomb of the sons of Louis + the Germanic in porphyry and enamelled copper), because of which I used to + go forward into the church when we were making our way to our chairs as + into a fairy-haunted valley, where the rustic sees with amazement on a + rock, a tree, a marsh, the tangible proofs of the little people's + supernatural passage—all these things made of the church for me + something entirely different from the rest of the town; a building which + occupied, so to speak, four dimensions of space—the name of the + fourth being Time—which had sailed the centuries with that old nave, + where bay after bay, chapel after chapel, seemed to stretch across and + hold down and conquer not merely a few yards of soil, but each successive + epoch from which the whole building had emerged triumphant, hiding the + rugged barbarities of the eleventh century in the thickness of its walls, + through which nothing could be seen of the heavy arches, long stopped and + blinded with coarse blocks of ashlar, except where, near the porch, a deep + groove was furrowed into one wall by the tower-stair; and even there the + barbarity was veiled by the graceful gothic arcade which pressed + coquettishly upon it, like a row of grown-up sisters who, to hide him from + the eyes of strangers, arrange themselves smilingly in front of a + countrified, unmannerly and ill-dressed younger brother; rearing into the + sky above the Square a tower which had looked down upon Saint Louis, and + seemed to behold him still; and thrusting down with its crypt into the + blackness of a Merovingian night, through which, guiding us with groping + finger-tips beneath the shadowy vault, ribbed strongly as an immense bat's + wing of stone, Théodore or his sister would light up for us with a candle + the tomb of Sigebert's little daughter, in which a deep hole, like the bed + of a fossil, had been bored, or so it was said, "by a crystal lamp which, + on the night when the Frankish princess was murdered, had left, of its own + accord, the golden chains by which it was suspended where the apse is + to-day and with neither the crystal broken nor the light extinguished had + buried itself in the stone, through which it had gently forced its way." + </p> + <p> + And then the apse of Combray: what am I to say of that? It was so coarse, + so devoid of artistic beauty, even of the religious spirit. From outside, + since the street crossing which it commanded was on a lower level, its + great wall was thrust upwards from a basement of unfaced ashlar, jagged + with flints, in all of which there was nothing particularly + ecclesiastical; the windows seemed to have been pierced at an abnormal + height, and its whole appearance was that of a prison wall rather than of + a church. And certainly in later years, were I to recall all the glorious + apses that I had seen, it would never enter my mind to compare with any + one of them the apse of Combray. Only, one day, turning out of a little + street in some country town, I came upon three alley-ways that converged, + and facing them an old wall, rubbed, worn, crumbling, and unusually high; + with windows pierced in it far overhead and the same asymmetrical + appearance as the apse of Combray. And at that moment I did not say to + myself, as at Chartres I might have done or at Rheims, with what strength + the religious feeling had been expressed in its construction, but + instinctively I exclaimed "The Church!" + </p> + <p> + The church! A dear, familiar friend; close pressed in the Rue + Saint-Hilaire, upon which its north door opened, by its two neighbours, + Mme. Loiseau's house and the pharmacy of M. Rapin, against which its walls + rested without interspace; a simple citizen of Combray, who might have had + her number in the street had the streets of Combray borne numbers, and at + whose door one felt that the postman ought to stop on his morning rounds, + before going into Mme. Loiseau's and after leaving M. Rapin's, there + existed, for all that, between the church and everything in Combray that + was not the church a clear line of demarcation which I have never + succeeded in eliminating from my mind. In vain might Mme. Loiseau deck her + window-sills with fuchsias, which developed the bad habit of letting their + branches trail at all times and in all directions, head downwards, and + whose flowers had no more important business, when they were big enough to + taste the joys of life, than to go and cool their purple, congested cheeks + against the dark front of the church; to me such conduct sanctified the + fuchsias not at all; between the flowers and the blackened stones towards + which they leaned, if my eyes could discern no interval, my mind preserved + the impression of an abyss. + </p> + <p> + From a long way off one could distinguish and identify the steeple of + Saint-Hilaire inscribing its unforgettable form upon a horizon beneath + which Combray had not yet appeared; when from the train which brought us + down from Paris at Easter-time my father caught sight of it, as it slipped + into every fold of the sky in turn, its little iron cock veering + continually in all directions, he would say: "Come, get your wraps + together, we are there." And on one of the longest walks we ever took from + Combray there was a spot where the narrow road emerged suddenly on to an + immense plain, closed at the horizon by strips of forest over which rose + and stood alone the fine point of Saint-Hilaire's steeple, but so + sharpened and so pink that it seemed to be no more than sketched on the + sky by the finger-nail of a painter anxious to give to such a landscape, + to so pure a piece of 'nature,' this little sign of art, this single + indication of human existence. As one drew near it and could make out the + remains of the square tower, half in ruins, which still stood by its side, + though without rivalling it in height, one was struck, first of all, by + the tone, reddish and sombre, of its stones; and on a misty morning in + autumn one would have called it, to see it rising above the violet + thunder-cloud of the vineyards, a ruin of purple, almost the colour of the + wild vine. + </p> + <p> + Often in the Square, as we came home, my grandmother would make me stop to + look up at it. From the tower windows, placed two and two, one pair above + another, with that right and original proportion in their spacing to which + not only human faces owe their beauty and dignity, it released, it let + fall at regular intervals flights of jackdaws which for a little while + would wheel and caw, as though the ancient stones which allowed them to + sport thus and never seemed to see them, becoming of a sudden + uninhabitable and discharging some infinitely disturbing element, had + struck them and driven them forth. Then after patterning everywhere the + violet velvet of the evening air, abruptly soothed, they would return and + be absorbed in the tower, deadly no longer but benignant, some perching + here and there (not seeming to move, but snapping, perhaps, and swallowing + some passing insect) on the points of turrets, as a seagull perches, with + an angler's immobility, on the crest of a wave. Without quite knowing why, + my grandmother found in the steeple of Saint-Hilaire that absence of + vulgarity, pretension, and meanness which made her love—and deem + rich in beneficent influences—nature itself, when the hand of man + had not, as did my great-aunt's gardener, trimmed it, and the works of + genius. And certainly every part one saw of the church served to + distinguish the whole from any other building by a kind of general feeling + which pervaded it, but it was in the steeple that the church seemed to + display a consciousness of itself, to affirm its individual and + responsible existence. It was the steeple which spoke for the church. I + think, too, that in a confused way my grandmother found in the steeple of + Combray what she prized above anything else in the world, namely, a + natural air and an air of distinction. Ignorant of architecture, she would + say: + </p> + <p> + "My dears, laugh at me if you like; it is not conventionally beautiful, + but there is something in its quaint old face which pleases me. If it + could play the piano, I am sure it would really <i>play</i>." And when she + gazed on it, when her eyes followed the gentle tension, the fervent + inclination of its stony slopes which drew together as they rose, like + hands joined in prayer, she would absorb herself so utterly in the + outpouring of the spire that her gaze seemed to leap upwards with it; her + lips at the same time curving in a friendly smile for the worn old stones + of which the setting sun now illumined no more than the topmost pinnacles, + which, at the point where they entered that zone of sunlight and were + softened and sweetened by it, seemed to have mounted suddenly far higher, + to have become truly remote, like a song whose singer breaks into + falsetto, an octave above the accompanying air. + </p> + <p> + It was the steeple of Saint-Hilaire which shaped and crowned and + consecrated every occupation, every hour of the day, every point of view + in the town. From my bedroom window I could discern no more than its base, + which had been freshly covered with slates; but when on Sundays I saw + these, in the hot light of a summer morning, blaze like a black sun I + would say to myself: "Good heavens! nine o'clock! I must get ready for + mass at once if I am to have time to go in and kiss aunt Léonie first," + and I would know exactly what was the colour of the sunlight upon the + Square, I could feel the heat and dust of the market, the shade behind the + blinds of the shop into which Mamma would perhaps go on her way to mass, + penetrating its odour of unbleached calico, to purchase a handkerchief or + something, of which the draper himself would let her see what he had, + bowing from the waist: who, having made everything ready for shutting up, + had just gone into the back shop to put on his Sunday coat and to wash his + hands, which it was his habit, every few minutes and even on the saddest + occasions, to rub one against the other with an air of enterprise, + cunning, and success. + </p> + <p> + And again, after mass, when we looked in to tell Théodore to bring a + larger loaf than usual because our cousins had taken advantage of the fine + weather to come over from Thiberzy for luncheon, we had in front of us the + steeple, which, baked and brown itself like a larger loaf still of 'holy + bread,' with flakes and sticky drops on it of sunlight, pricked its sharp + point into the blue sky. And in the evening, as I came in from my walk and + thought of the approaching moment when I must say good night to my mother + and see her no more, the steeple was by contrast so kindly, there at the + close of day, that I would imagine it as being laid, like a brown velvet + cushion, against—as being thrust into the pallid sky which had + yielded beneath its pressure, had sunk slightly so as to make room for it, + and had correspondingly risen on either side; while the cries of the birds + wheeling to and fro about it seemed to intensify its silence, to elongate + its spire still further, and to invest it with some quality beyond the + power of words. + </p> + <p> + Even when our errands lay in places behind the church, from which it could + not be seen, the view seemed always to have been composed with reference + to the steeple, which would stand up, now here, now there, among the + houses, and was perhaps even more affecting when it appeared thus without + the church. And, indeed, there are many others which look best when seen + in this way, and I can call to mind vignettes of housetops with + surmounting steeples in quite another category of art than those formed by + the dreary streets of Combray. I shall never forget, in a quaint Norman + town not far from Balbec, two charming eighteenth-century houses, dear to + me and venerable for many reasons, between which, when one looks up at + them from a fine garden which descends in terraces to the river, the + gothic spire of a church (itself hidden by the houses) soars into the sky + with the effect of crowning and completing their fronts, but in a material + so different, so precious, so beringed, so rosy, so polished, that it is + at once seen to be no more a part of them than would be a part of two + pretty pebbles lying side by side, between which it had been washed on the + beach, the purple, crinkled spire of some sea-shell spun out into a turret + and gay with glossy colour. Even in Paris, in one of the ugliest parts of + the town, I know a window from which one can see across a first, a second, + and even a third layer of jumbled roofs, street beyond street, a violet + bell, sometimes ruddy, sometimes too, in the finest 'prints' which the + atmosphere makes of it, of an ashy solution of black; which is, in fact, + nothing else than the dome of Saint-Augustin, and which imparts to this + view of Paris the character of some of the Piranesi views of Rome. But + since into none of these little etchings, whatever the taste my memory may + have been able to bring to their execution, was it able to contribute an + element I have long lost, the feeling which makes us not merely regard a + thing as a spectacle, but believe in it as in a creature without parallel, + so none of them keeps in dependence on it a whole section of my inmost + life as does the memory of those aspects of the steeple of Combray from + the streets behind the church. Whether one saw it at five o'clock when + going to call for letters at the post-office, some doors away from one, on + the left, raising abruptly with its isolated peak the ridge of housetops; + or again, when one had to go in and ask for news of Mme. Sazerat, one's + eyes followed the line where it ran low again beyond the farther, + descending slope, and one knew that it would be the second turning after + the steeple; or yet again, if pressing further afield one went to the + station, one saw it obliquely, shewing in profile fresh angles and + surfaces, like a solid body surprised at some unknown point in its + revolution; or, from the banks of the Vivonne, the apse, drawn muscularly + together and heightened in perspective, seemed to spring upwards with the + effort which the steeple made to hurl its spire-point into the heart of + heaven: it was always to the steeple that one must return, always it which + dominated everything else, summing up the houses with an unexpected + pinnacle, raised before me like the Finger of God, Whose Body might have + been concealed below among the crowd of human bodies without fear of my + confounding It, for that reason, with them. And so even to-day in any + large provincial town, or in a quarter of Paris which I do not know well, + if a passer-by who is 'putting me on the right road' shews me from afar, + as a point to aim at, some belfry of a hospital, or a convent steeple + lifting the peak of its ecclesiastical cap at the corner of the street + which I am to take, my memory need only find in it some dim resemblance to + that dear and vanished outline, and the passer-by, should he turn round to + make sure that I have not gone astray, would see me, to his astonishment, + oblivious of the walk that I had planned to take or the place where I was + obliged to call, standing still on the spot, before that steeple, for + hours on end, motionless, trying to remember, feeling deep within myself a + tract of soil reclaimed from the waters of Lethe slowly drying until the + buildings rise on it again; and then no doubt, and then more uneasily than + when, just now, I asked him for a direction, I will seek my way again, I + will turn a corner... but... the goal is in my heart... + </p> + <p> + On our way home from mass we would often meet M. Legrandin, who, detained + in Paris by his professional duties as an engineer, could only (except in + the regular holiday seasons) visit his home at Combray between Saturday + evenings and Monday mornings. He was one of that class of men who, apart + from a scientific career in which they may well have proved brilliantly + successful, have acquired an entirely different kind of culture, literary + or artistic, of which they make no use in the specialised work of their + profession, but by which their conversation profits. More 'literary' than + many 'men of letters' (we were not aware at this period that M. Legrandin + had a distinct reputation as a writer, and so were greatly astonished to + find that a well-known composer had set some verses of his to music), + endowed with a greater ease in execution than many painters, they imagine + that the life they are obliged to lead is not that for which they are + really fitted, and they bring to their regular occupations either a + fantastic indifference or a sustained and lofty application, scornful, + bitter, and conscientious. Tall, with a good figure, a fine, thoughtful + face, drooping fair moustaches, a look of disillusionment in his blue + eyes, an almost exaggerated refinement of courtesy; a talker such as we + had never heard; he was in the sight of my family, who never ceased to + quote him as an example, the very pattern of a gentleman, who took life in + the noblest and most delicate manner. My grandmother alone found fault + with him for speaking a little too well, a little too much like a book, + for not using a vocabulary as natural as his loosely knotted Lavallière + neckties, his short, straight, almost schoolboyish coat. She was + astonished, too, at the furious invective which he was always launching at + the aristocracy, at fashionable life, and 'snobbishness'—"undoubtedly," + he would say, "the sin of which Saint Paul is thinking when he speaks of + the sin for which there is no forgiveness." + </p> + <p> + Worldly ambition was a thing which my grandmother was so little capable of + feeling, or indeed of understanding, that it seemed to her futile to apply + so much heat to its condemnation. Besides, she thought it in not very good + taste that M. Legrandin, whose sister was married to a country gentleman + of Lower Normandy near Balbec, should deliver himself of such violent + attacks upon the nobles, going so far as to blame the Revolution for not + having guillotined them all. + </p> + <p> + "Well met, my friends!" he would say as he came towards us. "You are lucky + to spend so much time here; to-morrow I have to go back to Paris, to + squeeze back into my niche. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, I admit," he went on, with his own peculiar smile, gently ironical, + disillusioned and vague, "I have every useless thing in the world in my + house there. The only thing wanting is the necessary thing, a great patch + of open sky like this. Always try to keep a patch of sky above your life, + little boy," he added, turning to me. "You have a soul in you of rare + quality, an artist's nature; never let it starve for lack of what it + needs." + </p> + <p> + When, on our reaching the house, my aunt would send to ask us whether Mme. + Goupil had indeed arrived late for mass, not one of us could inform her. + Instead, we increased her anxiety by telling her that there was a painter + at work in the church copying the window of Gilbert the Bad. Françoise was + at once dispatched to the grocer's, but returned empty-handed owing to the + absence of Théodore, whose dual profession of choirman, with a part in the + maintenance of the fabric, and of grocer's assistant gave him not only + relations with all sections of society, but an encyclopaedic knowledge of + their affairs. + </p> + <p> + "Ah!" my aunt would sigh, "I wish it were time for Eulalie to come. She is + really the only person who will be able to tell me." + </p> + <p> + Eulalie was a limping, energetic, deaf spinster who had 'retired' after + the death of Mme. de la Bretonnerie, with whom she had been in service + from her childhood, and had then taken a room beside the church, from + which she would incessantly emerge, either to attend some service, or, + when there was no service, to say a prayer by herself or to give Théodore + a hand; the rest of her time she spent in visiting sick persons like my + aunt Léonie, to whom she would relate everything that had occurred at mass + or vespers. She was not above adding occasional pocket-money to the little + income which was found for her by the family of her old employers by going + from time to time to look after the Curé's linen, or that of some other + person of note in the clerical world of Combray. Above a mantle of black + cloth she wore a little white coif that seemed almost to attach her to + some Order, and an infirmity of the skin had stained part of her cheeks + and her crooked nose the bright red colour of balsam. Her visits were the + one great distraction in the life of my aunt Léonie, who now saw hardly + anyone else, except the reverend Curé. My aunt had by degrees erased every + other visitor's name from her list, because they all committed the fatal + error, in her eyes, of falling into one or other of the two categories of + people she most detested. One group, the worse of the two, and the one of + which she rid herself first, consisted of those who advised her not to + take so much care of herself, and preached (even if only negatively and + with no outward signs beyond an occasional disapproving silence or + doubting smile) the subversive doctrine that a sharp walk in the sun and a + good red beefsteak would do her more good (her, who had had two dreadful + sips of Vichy water on her stomach for fourteen hours!) than all her + medicine bottles and her bed. The other category was composed of people + who appeared to believe that she was more seriously ill than she thought, + in fact that she was as seriously ill as she said. And so none of those + whom she had allowed upstairs to her room, after considerable hesitation + and at Françoise's urgent request, and who in the course of their visit + had shewn how unworthy they were of the honour which had been done them by + venturing a timid: "Don't you think that if you were just to stir out a + little on really fine days...?" or who, on the other hand, when she said + to them: "I am very low, very low; nearing the end, dear friends!" had + replied: "Ah, yes, when one has no strength left! Still, you may last a + while yet"; each party alike might be certain that her doors would never + open to them again. And if Françoise was amused by the look of + consternation on my aunt's face whenever she saw, from her bed, any of + these people in the Rue du Saint-Esprit, who looked as if they were coming + to see her, or heard her own door-bell ring, she would laugh far more + heartily, as at a clever trick, at my aunt's devices (which never failed) + for having them sent away, and at their look of discomfiture when they had + to turn back without having seen her; and would be filled with secret + admiration for her mistress, whom she felt to be superior to all these + other people, inasmuch as she could and did contrive not to see them. In + short, my aunt stipulated, at one and the same time, that whoever came to + see her must approve of her way of life, commiserate with her in her + sufferings, and assure her of an ultimate recovery. + </p> + <p> + In all this Eulalie excelled. My aunt might say to her twenty times in a + minute: "The end is come at last, my poor Eulalie!", twenty times Eulalie + would retort with: "Knowing your illness as you do, Mme. Octave, you will + live to be a hundred, as Mme. Sazerin said to me only yesterday." For one + of Eulalie's most rooted beliefs, and one that the formidable list of + corrections which her experience must have compiled was powerless to + eradicate, was that Mme. Sazerat's name was really Mme. Sazerin. + </p> + <p> + "I do not ask to live to a hundred," my aunt would say, for she preferred + to have no definite limit fixed to the number of her days. + </p> + <p> + And since, besides this, Eulalie knew, as no one else knew, how to + distract my aunt without tiring her, her visits, which took place + regularly every Sunday, unless something unforeseen occurred to prevent + them, were for my aunt a pleasure the prospect of which kept her on those + days in a state of expectation, appetising enough to begin with, but at + once changing to the agony of a hunger too long unsatisfied if Eulalie + were a minute late in coming. For, if unduly prolonged, the rapture of + waiting for Eulalie became a torture, and my aunt would never cease from + looking at the time, and yawning, and complaining of each of her symptoms + in turn. Eulalie's ring, if it sounded from the front door at the very end + of the day, when she was no longer expecting it, would almost make her + ill. For the fact was that on Sundays she thought of nothing else than + this visit, and the moment that our luncheon was ended Françoise would + become impatient for us to leave the dining-room so that she might go + upstairs to 'occupy' my aunt. But—and this more than ever from the + day on which fine weather definitely set in at Combray—the proud + hour of noon, descending from the steeple of Saint-Hilaire which it + blazoned for a moment with the twelve points of its sonorous crown, would + long have echoed about our table, beside the 'holy bread,' which too had + come in, after church, in its familiar way; and we would still be found + seated in front of our Arabian Nights plates, weighed down by the heat of + the day, and even more by our heavy meal. For upon the permanent + foundation of eggs, cutlets, potatoes, preserves, and biscuits, whose + appearance on the table she no longer announced to us, Françoise would add—as + the labour of fields and orchards, the harvest of the tides, the luck of + the markets, the kindness of neighbours, and her own genius might provide; + and so effectively that our bill of fare, like the quatrefoils that were + carved on the porches of cathedrals in the thirteenth century, reflected + to some extent the march of the seasons and the incidents of human life—a + brill, because the fish-woman had guaranteed its freshness; a turkey, + because she had seen a beauty in the market at Roussainville-le-Pin; + cardoons with marrow, because she had never done them for us in that way + before; a roast leg of mutton, because the fresh air made one hungry and + there would be plenty of time for it to 'settle down' in the seven hours + before dinner; spinach, by way of a change; apricots, because they were + still hard to get; gooseberries, because in another fortnight there would + be none left; raspberries, which M. Swann had brought specially; cherries, + the first to come from the cherry-tree, which had yielded none for the + last two years; a cream cheese, of which in those days I was extremely + fond; an almond cake, because she had ordered one the evening before; a + fancy loaf, because it was our turn to 'offer' the holy bread. And when + all these had been eaten, a work composed expressly for ourselves, but + dedicated more particularly to my father, who had a fondness for such + things, a cream of chocolate, inspired in the mind, created by the hand of + Françoise, would be laid before us, light and fleeting as an 'occasional + piece' of music, into which she had poured the whole of her talent. Anyone + who refused to partake of it, saying: "No, thank you, I have finished; I + am not hungry," would at once have been lowered to the level of the + Philistines who, when an artist makes them a present of one of his works, + examine its weight and material, whereas what is of value is the creator's + intention and his signature. To have left even the tiniest morsel in the + dish would have shewn as much discourtesy as to rise and leave a concert + hall while the 'piece' was still being played, and under the + composer's very eyes. + </p> + <p> + At length my mother would say to me: "Now, don't stay here all day; you + can go up to your room if you are too hot outside, but get a little fresh + air first; don't start reading immediately after your food." + </p> + <p> + And I would go and sit down beside the pump and its trough, ornamented + here and there, like a gothic font, with a salamander, which modelled upon + a background of crumbling stone the quick relief of its slender, + allegorical body; on the bench without a back, in the shade of a + lilac-tree, in that little corner of the garden which communicated, by a + service door, with the Rue du Saint-Esprit, and from whose neglected soil + rose, in two stages, an outcrop from the house itself and apparently a + separate building, my aunt's back-kitchen. One could see its red-tiled + floor gleaming like porphyry. It seemed not so much the cave of Françoise + as a little temple of Venus. It would be overflowing with the offerings of + the milkman, the fruiterer, the greengrocer, come sometimes from distant + villages to dedicate here the first-fruits of their fields. And its roof + was always surmounted by the cooing of a dove. + </p> + <p> + In earlier days I would not have lingered in the sacred grove which + surrounded this temple, for, before going upstairs to read, I would steal + into the little sitting-room which my uncle Adolphe, a brother of my + grandfather and an old soldier who had retired from the service as a + major, used to occupy on the ground floor, a room which, even when its + opened windows let in the heat, if not actually the rays of the sun which + seldom penetrated so far, would never fail to emit that vague and yet + fresh odour, suggesting at once an open-air and an old-fashioned kind of + existence, which sets and keeps the nostrils dreaming when one goes into a + disused gun-room. But for some years now I had not gone into my uncle + Adolphe's room, since he no longer came to Combray on account of a quarrel + which had arisen between him and my family, by my fault, and in the + following circumstances: Once or twice every month, in Paris, I used to be + sent to pay him a visit, as he was finishing his luncheon, wearing a + plain alpaca coat, and waited upon by his servant in a working-jacket of + striped linen, purple and white. He would complain that I had not been to + see him for a long time; that he was being neglected; he would offer me a + marchpane or a tangerine, and we would cross a room in which no one ever + sat, whose fire was never lighted, whose walls were picked out with gilded + mouldings, its ceiling painted blue in imitation of the sky, and its + furniture upholstered in satin, as at my grandparents', only yellow; then + we would enter what he called his 'study,' a room whose walls were hung + with prints which shewed, against a dark background, a plump and rosy + goddess driving a car, or standing upon a globe, or wearing a star on her + brow; pictures which were popular under the Second Empire because there + was thought to be something about them that suggested Pompeii, which were + then generally despised, and which now people are beginning to collect + again for one single and consistent reason (despite any others which they + may advance), namely, that they suggest the Second Empire. And there I + would stay with my uncle until his man came, with a message from the + coachman, to ask him at what time he would like the carriage. My uncle + would then be lost in meditation, while his astonished servant stood + there, not daring to disturb him by the least movement, wondering and + waiting for his answer, which never varied. For in the end, after a + supreme crisis of hesitation, my uncle would utter, infallibly, the words: + "A quarter past two," which the servant would echo with amazement, but + without disputing them: "A quarter past two! Very good, sir... I will go + and tell him...." + </p> + <p> + At this date I was a lover of the theatre: a Platonic lover, of necessity, + since my parents had not yet allowed me to enter one, and so incorrect was + the picture I drew for myself of the pleasures to be enjoyed there that I + almost believed that each of the spectators looked, as into a stereoscope, + upon a stage and scenery which existed for himself alone, though closely + resembling the thousand other spectacles presented to the rest of the + audience individually. + </p> + <p> + Every morning I would hasten to the Moriss column to see what new plays it + announced. Nothing could be more disinterested or happier than the dreams + with which these announcements filled my mind, dreams which took their + form from the inevitable associations of the words forming the title of + the play, and also from the colour of the bills, still damp and wrinkled + with paste, on which those words stood out. Nothing, unless it were such + strange titles as the <i>Testament de César Girodot, or Oedipe-Roi</i>, + inscribed not on the green bills of the Opéra-Comique, but on the + wine-coloured bills of the Comédie-Française, nothing seemed to me to + differ more profoundly from the sparkling white plume of the <i>Diamants + de la Couronne</i> than the sleek, mysterious satin of the <i>Domino Noir</i>; + and since my parents had told me that, for my first visit to the theatre, + I should have to choose between these two pieces, I would study + exhaustively and in turn the title of one and the title of the other (for + those were all that I knew of either), attempting to snatch from each a + foretaste of the pleasure which it offered me, and to compare this + pleasure with that latent in the other title, until in the end I had shewn + myself such vivid, such compelling pictures of, on the one hand, a play of + dazzling arrogance, and on the other a gentle, velvety play, that I was as + little capable of deciding which play I should prefer to see as if, at the + dinner-table, they had obliged me to choose between <i>rice à + l'Impératrice</i> and the famous cream of chocolate. + </p> + <p> + All my conversations with my playfellows bore upon actors, whose art, + although as yet I had no experience of it, was the first of all its + numberless forms in which Art itself allowed me to anticipate its + enjoyment. Between one actor's tricks of intonation and inflection and + another's, the most trifling differences would strike me as being of an + incalculable importance. And from what I had been told of them I would + arrange them in the order of their talent in lists which I used to murmur + to myself all day long: lists which in the end became petrified in my + brain and were a source of annoyance to it, being irremovable. + </p> + <p> + And later, in my schooldays, whenever I ventured in class, when the + master's head was turned, to communicate with some new friend, I would + always begin by asking him whether he had begun yet to go to theatres, and + if he agreed that our greatest actor was undoubtedly Got, our second + Delaunay, and so on. And if, in his judgment, Febvre came below Thiron, or + Delaunay below Coquelin, the sudden volatility which the name of Coquelin, + forsaking its stony rigidity, would engender in my mind, in which it moved + upwards to the second place, the rich vitality with which the name of + Delaunay would suddenly be furnished, to enable it to slip down to fourth, + would stimulate and fertilise my brain with a sense of budding and + blossoming life. + </p> + <p> + But if the thought of actors weighed so upon me, if the sight of Maubant, + coming out one afternoon from the Théâtre-Français, had plunged me in the + throes and sufferings of hopeless love, how much more did the name of a + 'star,' blazing outside the doors of a theatre, how much more, seen + through the window of a brougham which passed me in the street, the hair + over her forehead abloom with roses, did the face of a woman who, I would + think, was perhaps an actress, leave with me a lasting disturbance, a + futile and painful effort to form a picture of her private life. + </p> + <p> + I classified, in order of talent, the most distinguished: Sarah Bernhardt, + Berma, Bartet, Madeleine Brohan, Jeanne Samary; but I was interested in + them all. Now my uncle knew many of them personally, and also ladies of + another class, not clearly distinguished from actresses in my mind. He + used to entertain them at his house. And if we went to see him on certain + days only, that was because on the other days ladies might come whom his + family could not very well have met. So we at least thought; as for my + uncle, his fatal readiness to pay pretty widows (who had perhaps never + been married) and countesses (whose high-sounding titles were probably no + more than <i>noms de guerre</i>) the compliment of presenting them to my + grandmother or even of presenting to them some of our family jewels, had + already embroiled him more than once with my grandfather. Often, if the + name of some actress were mentioned in conversation, I would hear my + father say, with a smile, to my mother: "One of your uncle's friends," and + I would think of the weary novitiate through which, perhaps for years on + end, a grown man, even a man of real importance, might have to pass, + waiting on the doorstep of some such lady, while she refused to answer his + letters and made her hall-porter drive him away; and imagine that my uncle + was able to dispense a little jackanapes like myself from all these + sufferings by introducing me in his own home to the actress, + unapproachable by all the world, but for him an intimate friend. + </p> + <p> + And so—on the pretext that some lesson, the hour of which had been + altered, now came at such an awkward time that it had already more than + once prevented me, and would continue to prevent me, from seeing my uncle—one + day, not one of the days which he set apart for our visits, I took + advantage of the fact that my parents had had luncheon earlier than usual; + I slipped out and, instead of going to read the playbills on their column, + for which purpose I was allowed to go out unaccompanied, I ran all the way + to his house. I noticed before his door a carriage and pair, with red + carnations on the horses' blinkers and in the coachman's buttonhole. As I + climbed the staircase I could hear laughter and a woman's voice, and, as + soon as I had rung, silence and the sound of shutting doors. The + man-servant who let me in appeared embarrassed, and said that my uncle was + extremely busy and probably could not see me; he went in, however, to + announce my arrival, and the same voice I had heard before said: "Oh, yes! + Do let him come in; just for a moment; it will be so amusing. Is that his + photograph there, on your desk? And his mother (your niece, isn't she?) + beside it? The image of her, isn't he? I should so like to see the little + chap, just for a second." + </p> + <p> + I could hear my uncle grumbling and growing angry; finally the manservant + told me to come in. + </p> + <p> + On the table was the same plate of marchpanes that was always there; my + uncle wore the same alpaca coat as on other days; but opposite to him, in + a pink silk dress with a great necklace of pearls about her throat, sat a + young woman who was just finishing a tangerine. My uncertainty whether I + ought to address her as Madame or Mademoiselle made me blush, and not + daring to look too much in her direction, in case I should be obliged to + speak to her, I hurried across to kiss my uncle. She looked at me and + smiled; my uncle said "My nephew!" without telling her my name or telling + me hers, doubtless because, since his difficulties with my grandfather, he + had endeavoured as far as possible to avoid any association of his family + with this other class of acquaintance. + </p> + <p> + "How like his mother he is," said the lady. + </p> + <p> + "But you have never seen my niece, except in photographs," my uncle broke + in quickly, with a note of anger. + </p> + <p> + "I beg your pardon, dear friend, I passed her on the staircase last year + when you were so ill. It is true I only saw her for a moment, and your + staircase is rather dark; but I saw well enough to see how lovely she was. + This young gentleman has her beautiful eyes, and also this," she went on, + tracing a line with one finger across the lower part of her forehead. + "Tell me," she asked my uncle, "is your niece Mme.——; is her + name the same as yours?" + </p> + <p> + "He takes most after his father," muttered my uncle, who was no more + anxious to effect an introduction by proxy, in repeating Mamma's name + aloud, than to bring the two together in the flesh. "He's his father all + over, and also like my poor mother." + </p> + <p> + "I have not met his father, dear," said the lady in pink, bowing her head + slightly, "and I never saw your poor mother. You will remember it was just + after your great sorrow that we got to know one another." + </p> + <p> + I felt somewhat disillusioned, for this young lady was in no way different + from other pretty women whom I had seen from time to time at home, + especially the daughter of one of our cousins, to whose house I went every + New Year's Day. Only better dressed; otherwise my uncle's friend had the + same quick and kindly glance, the same frank and friendly manner. I could + find no trace in her of the theatrical appearance which I admired in + photographs of actresses, nothing of the diabolical expression which would + have been in keeping with the life she must lead. I had difficulty in + believing that this was one of 'those women,' and certainly I should never + have believed her one of the 'smart ones' had I not seen the carriage and + pair, the pink dress, the pearly necklace, had I not been aware, too, that + my uncle knew only the very best of them. But I asked myself how the + millionaire who gave her her carriage and her flat and her jewels could + find any pleasure in flinging his money away upon a woman who had so + simple and respectable an appearance. And yet, when I thought of what her + life must be like, its immorality disturbed me more, perhaps, than if it + had stood before me in some concrete and recognisable form, by its secrecy + and invisibility, like the plot of a novel, the hidden truth of a scandal + which had driven out of the home of her middle-class parents and dedicated + to the service of all mankind which had brought to the flowering-point of + her beauty, had raised to fame or notoriety this woman, the play of whose + features, the intonations of whose voice, like so many others I already + knew, made me regard her, in spite of myself, as a young lady of good + family, her who was no longer of a family at all. + </p> + <p> + We had gone by this time into the 'study,' and my uncle, who seemed a + trifle embarrassed by my presence, offered her a cigarette. + </p> + <p> + "No, thank you, dear friend," she said. "You know I only smoke the ones + the Grand Duke sends me. I tell him that they make you jealous." And she + drew from a case cigarettes covered with inscriptions in gold, in a + foreign language. "Why, yes," she began again suddenly. "Of course I have + met this young man's father with you. Isn't he your nephew? How on earth + could I have forgotten? He was so nice, so charming to me," she went on, + modestly and with feeling. But when I thought to myself what must actually + have been the rude greeting (which, she made out, had been so charming), + I, who knew my father's coldness and reserve, was shocked, as though at + some indelicacy on his part, at the contrast between the excessive + recognition bestowed on it and his never adequate geniality. It has since + struck me as one of the most touching aspects of the part played in life + by these idle, painstaking women that they devote all their generosity, + all their talent, their transferable dreams of sentimental beauty (for, + like all artists, they never seek to realise the value of those dreams, or + to enclose them in the four-square frame of everyday life), and their + gold, which counts for little, to the fashioning of a fine and precious + setting for the rubbed and scratched and ill-polished lives of men. And + just as this one filled the smoking-room, where my uncle was entertaining + her in his alpaca coat, with her charming person, her dress of pink silk, + her pearls, and the refinement suggested by intimacy with a Grand Duke, + so, in the same way, she had taken some casual remark by my father, had + worked it up delicately, given it a 'turn,' a precious title, set in it + the gem of a glance from her own eyes, a gem of the first water, blended + of humility and gratitude; and so had given it back transformed into a + jewel, a work of art, into something altogether charming. + </p> + <p> + "Look here, my boy, it is time you went away," said my uncle. + </p> + <p> + I rose; I could scarcely resist a desire to kiss the hand of the lady in + pink, but I felt that to do so would require as much audacity as a + forcible abduction of her. My heart beat loud while I counted out to + myself "Shall I do it, shall I not?" and then I ceased to ask myself what + I ought to do so as at least to do something. Blindly, hotly, madly, + flinging aside all the reasons I had just found to support such action, I + seized and raised to my lips the hand she held out to me. + </p> + <p> + "Isn't he delicious! Quite a ladies' man already; he takes after his + uncle. He'll be a perfect 'gentleman,'" she went on, setting her teeth so + as to give the word a kind of English accentuation. "Couldn't he come to + me some day for 'a cup of tea,' as our friends across the channel say; he + need only send me a 'blue' in the morning?" + </p> + <p> + I had not the least idea of what a 'blue' might be. I did not understand + half the words which the lady used, but my fear lest there should be + concealed in them some question which it would be impolite in me not to + answer kept me from withdrawing my close attention from them, and I was + beginning to feel extremely tired. + </p> + <p> + "No, no; it is impossible," said my uncle, shrugging his shoulders. "He is + kept busy at home all day; he has plenty of work to do. He brings back all + the prizes from his school," he added in a lower tone, so that I should + not hear this falsehood and interrupt with a contradiction. "You can't + tell; he may turn out a little Victor Hugo, a kind of Vaulabelle, don't + you know." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, I love artistic people," replied the lady in pink; "there is no one + like them for understanding women. Them, and really nice men like + yourself. But please forgive my ignorance. Who, what is Vaulabelle? Is it + those gilt books in the little glass case in your drawing-room? You know + you promised to lend them to me; I will take great care of them." + </p> + <p> + My uncle, who hated lending people books, said nothing, and ushered me out + into the hall. Madly in love with the lady in pink, I covered my old + uncle's tobacco-stained cheeks with passionate kisses, and while he, + awkwardly enough, gave me to understand (without actually saying) that he + would rather I did not tell my parents about this visit, I assured him, + with tears in my eyes, that his kindness had made so strong an impression + upon me that some day I would most certainly find a way of expressing my + gratitude. So strong an impression had it made upon me that two hours + later, after a string of mysterious utterances which did not strike me as + giving my parents a sufficiently clear idea of the new importance with + which I had been invested, I found it simpler to let them have a full + account, omitting no detail, of the visit I had paid that afternoon. In + doing this I had no thought of causing my uncle any unpleasantness. How + could I have thought such a thing, since I did not wish it? And I could + not suppose that my parents would see any harm in a visit in which I + myself saw none. Every day of our lives does not some friend or other ask + us to make his apologies, without fail, to some woman to whom he has been + prevented from writing; and do not we forget to do so, feeling that this + woman cannot attach much importance to a silence which has none for + ourselves? I imagined, like everyone else, that the brains of other people + were lifeless and submissive receptacles with no power of specific + reaction to any stimulus which might be applied to them; and I had not the + least doubt that when I deposited in the minds of my parents the news of + the acquaintance I had made at my uncle's I should at the same time + transmit to them the kindly judgment I myself had based on the + introduction. Unfortunately my parents had recourse to principles entirely + different from those which I suggested they should adopt when they came to + form their estimate of my uncle's conduct. My father and grandfather had + 'words' with him of a violent order; as I learned indirectly. A few days + later, passing my uncle in the street as he drove by in an open carriage, + Î felt at once all the grief, the gratitude, the remorse which I should + have liked to convey to him. Beside the immensity of these emotions I + considered that merely to raise my hat to him would be incongruous and + petty, and might make him think that I regarded myself as bound to shew + him no more than the commonest form of courtesy. I decided to abstain from + so inadequate a gesture, and turned my head away. My uncle thought that, + in doing so I was obeying my parents' orders; he never forgave them; and + though he did not die until many years later, not one of us ever set eyes + on him again. + </p> + <p> + And so I no longer used to go into the little sitting-room (now kept shut) + of my uncle Adolphe; instead, after hanging about on the outskirts of the + back-kitchen until Françoise appeared on its threshold and announced: "I + am going to let the kitchen-maid serve the coffee and take up the hot + water; it is time I went off to Mme. Octave," I would then decide to go + indoors, and would go straight upstairs to my room to read. The + kitchen-maid was an abstract personality, a permanent institution to which + an invariable set of attributes assured a sort of fixity and continuity + and identity throughout the long series of transitory human shapes in + which that personality was incarnate; for we never found the same girl + there two years running. In the year in which we ate such quantities of + asparagus, the kitchen-maid whose duty it was to dress them was a poor + sickly creature, some way 'gone' in pregnancy when we arrived at Combray + for Easter, and it was indeed surprising that Françoise allowed her to run + so many errands in the town and to do so much work in the house, for she + was beginning to find a difficulty in bearing before her the mysterious + casket, fuller and larger every day, whose splendid outline could be + detected through the folds of her ample smocks. These last recalled the + cloaks in which Giotto shrouds some of the allegorical figures in his + paintings, of which M. Swann had given me photographs. He it was who + pointed out the resemblance, and when he inquired after the kitchen-maid + he would say: "Well, how goes it with Giotto's Charity?" And indeed the + poor girl, whose pregnancy had swelled and stoutened every part of her, + even to her face, and the vertical, squared outlines of her cheeks, did + distinctly suggest those virgins, so strong and mannish as to seem matrons + rather, in whom the Virtues are personified in the Arena Chapel. And I can + see now that those Virtues and Vices of Padua resembled her in another + respect as well. For just as the figure of this girl had been enlarged by + the additional symbol which she carried in her body, without appearing to + understand what it meant, without any rendering in her facial expression + of all its beauty and spiritual significance, but carried as if it were an + ordinary and rather heavy burden, so it is without any apparent suspicion + of what she is about that the powerfully built housewife who is portrayed + in the Arena beneath the label 'Caritas,' and a reproduction of whose + portrait hung upon the wall of my schoolroom at Combray, incarnates that + virtue, for it seems impossible that any thought of charity can ever have + found expression in her vulgar and energetic face. By a fine stroke of the + painter's invention she is tumbling all the treasures of the earth at her + feet, but exactly as if she were treading grapes in a wine-press to + extract their juice, or, still more, as if she had climbed on a heap of + sacks to raise herself higher; and she is holding out her flaming heart to + God, or shall we say 'handing' it to Him, exactly as a cook might hand up + a corkscrew through the skylight of her underground kitchen to some one + who had called down to ask her for it from the ground-level above. The + 'Invidia,' again, should have had some look on her face of envy. But in + this fresco, too, the symbol occupies so large a place and is represented + with such realism; the serpent hissing between the lips of Envy is so + huge, and so completely fills her wide-opened mouth that the muscles of + her face are strained and contorted, like a child's who is filling a + balloon with his breath, and that Envy, and we ourselves for that matter, + when we look at her, since all her attention and ours are concentrated on + the action of her lips, have no time, almost, to spare for envious + thoughts. + </p> + <p> + Despite all the admiration that M. Swann might profess for these figures + of Giotto, it was a long time before I could find any pleasure in seeing + in our schoolroom (where the copies he had brought me were hung) that + Charity devoid of charity, that Envy who looked like nothing so much as a + plate in some medical book, illustrating the compression of the glottis or + uvula by a tumour in the tongue, or by the introduction of the operator's + instrument, a Justice whose greyish and meanly regular features were the + very same as those which adorned the faces of certain good and pious and + slightly withered ladies of Combray whom I used to see at mass, many of + whom had long been enrolled in the reserve forces of Injustice. But in + later years I understood that the arresting strangeness, the special + beauty of these frescoes lay in the great part played in each of them by + its symbols, while the fact that these were depicted, not as symbols (for + the thought symbolised was nowhere expressed), but as real things, + actually felt or materially handled, added something more precise and more + literal to their meaning, something more concrete and more striking to the + lesson they imparted. And even in the case of the poor kitchen-maid, was + not our attention incessantly drawn to her belly by the load which filled + it; and in the same way, again, are not the thoughts of men and women in + the agony of death often turned towards the practical, painful, obscure, + internal, intestinal aspect, towards that 'seamy side' of death which is, + as it happens, the side that death actually presents to them and forces + them to feel, a side which far more closely resembles a crushing burden, a + difficulty in breathing, a destroying thirst, than the abstract idea to + which we are accustomed to give the name of Death? + </p> + <p> + There must have been a strong element of reality in those Virtues and + Vices of Padua, since they appeared to me to be as much alive as the + pregnant servant-girl, while she herself appeared scarcely less + allegorical than they. And, quite possibly, this lack (or seeming lack) of + participation by a person's soul in the significant marks of its own + special virtue has, apart from its aesthetic meaning, a reality which, if + not strictly psychological, may at least be called physiognomical. Later + on, when, in the course of my life, I have had occasion to meet with, in + convents for instance, literally saintly examples of practical charity, + they have generally had the brisk, decided, undisturbed, and slightly + brutal air of a busy surgeon, the face in which one can discern no + commiseration, no tenderness at the sight of suffering humanity, and no + fear of hurting it, the face devoid of gentleness or sympathy, the sublime + face of true goodness. + </p> + <p> + Then while the kitchen-maid—who, all unawares, made the superior + qualities of Françoise shine with added lustre, just as Error, by force of + contrast, enhances the triumph of Truth—took in coffee which + (according to Mamma) was nothing more than hot water, and then carried up + to our rooms hot water which was barely tepid, I would be lying stretched + out on my bed, a book in my hand, in my room which trembled with the + effort to defend its frail, transparent coolness against the afternoon + sun, behind its almost closed shutters through which, however, a + reflection of the sunlight had contrived to slip in on its golden wings, + remaining motionless, between glass and woodwork, in a corner, like a + butterfly poised upon a flower. It was hardly light enough for me to read, + and my feeling of the day's brightness and splendour was derived solely + from the blows struck down below, in the Rue de la Cure, by Camus (whom + Françoise had assured that my aunt was not 'resting' and that he might + therefore make a noise), upon some old packing-cases from which nothing + would really be sent flying but the dust, though the din of them, in the + resonant atmosphere that accompanies hot weather, seemed to scatter + broadcast a rain of blood-red stars; and from the flies who performed for + my benefit, in their small concert, as it might be the chamber music of + summer; evoking heat and light quite differently from an air of human + music which, if you happen to have heard it during a fine summer, will + always bring that summer back to your mind, the flies' music is bound to + the season by a closer, a more vital tie—born of sunny days, and not + to be reborn but with them, containing something of their essential + nature, it not merely calls up their image in our memory, but gives us a + guarantee that they do really exist, that they are close around us, + immediately accessible. + </p> + <p> + This dim freshness of my room was to the broad daylight of the street what + the shadow is to the sunbeam, that is to say, equally luminous, and + presented to my imagination the entire panorama of summer, which my + senses, if I had been out walking, could have tasted and enjoyed in + fragments only; and so was quite in harmony with my state of repose, which + (thanks to the adventures related in my books, which had just excited it) + bore, like a hand reposing motionless in a stream of running water, the + shock and animation of a torrent of activity and life. + </p> + <p> + But my grandmother, even if the weather, after growing too hot, had + broken, and a storm, or just a shower, had burst over us, would come up + and beg me to go outside. And as I did not wish to leave off my book, I + would go on with it in the garden, under the chestnut-tree, in a little + sentry-box of canvas and matting, in the farthest recesses of which I used + to sit and feel that I was hidden from the eyes of anyone who might be + coming to call upon the family. + </p> + <p> + And then my thoughts, did not they form a similar sort of hiding-hole, in + the depths of which I felt that I could bury myself and remain invisible + even when I was looking at what went on outside? When I saw any external + object, my consciousness that I was seeing it would remain between me and + it, enclosing it in a slender, incorporeal outline which prevented me from + ever coming directly in contact with the material form; for it would + volatilise itself in some way before I could touch it, just as an + incandescent body which is moved towards something wet never actually + touches moisture, since it is always preceded, itself, by a zone of + evaporation. Upon the sort of screen, patterned with different states and + impressions, which my consciousness would quietly unfold while I was + reading, and which ranged from the most deeply hidden aspirations of my + heart to the wholly external view of the horizon spread out before my eyes + at the foot of the garden, what was from the first the most permanent and + the most intimate part of me, the lever whose incessant movements + controlled all the rest, was my belief in the philosophic richness and + beauty of the book I was reading, and my desire to appropriate these to + myself, whatever the book might be. For even if I had purchased it at + Combray, having seen it outside Borange's, whose grocery lay too far from + our house for Françoise to be able to deal there, as she did with Camus, + but who enjoyed better custom as a stationer and bookseller; even if I had + seen it, tied with string to keep it in its place in the mosaic of monthly + parts and pamphlets which adorned either side of his doorway, a doorway + more mysterious, more teeming with suggestion than that of a cathedral, I + should have noticed and bought it there simply because I had recognised it + as a book which had been well spoken of, in my hearing, by the + school-master or the school-friend who, at that particular time, seemed to + me to be entrusted with the secret of Truth and Beauty, things half-felt + by me, half-incomprehensible, the full understanding of which was the + vague but permanent object of my thoughts. + </p> + <p> + Next to this central belief, which, while I was reading, would be + constantly a motion from my inner self to the outer world, towards the + discovery of Truth, came the emotions aroused in me by the action in which + I would be taking part, for these afternoons were crammed with more + dramatic and sensational events than occur, often, in a whole lifetime. + These were the events which took place in the book I was reading. It is + true that the people concerned in them were not what Françoise would have + called 'real people.' But none of the feelings which the joys or + misfortunes of a 'real' person awaken in us can be awakened except through + a mental picture of those joys or misfortunes; and the ingenuity of the + first novelist lay in his understanding that, as the picture was the one + essential element in the complicated structure of our emotions, so that + simplification of it which consisted in the suppression, pure and simple, + of 'real' people would be a decided improvement. A 'real' person, + profoundly as we may sympathise with him, is in a great measure + perceptible only through our senses, that is to say, he remains opaque, + offers a dead weight which our sensibilities have not the strength to + lift. If some misfortune comes to him, it is only in one small section of + the complete idea we have of him that we are capable of feeling any + emotion; indeed it is only in one small section of the complete idea he + has of himself that he is capable of feeling any emotion either. The + novelist's happy discovery was to think of substituting for those opaque + sections, impenetrable by the human spirit, their equivalent in immaterial + sections, things, that is, which the spirit can assimilate to itself. + After which it matters not that the actions, the feelings of this new + order of creatures appear to us in the guise of truth, since we have made + them our own, since it is in ourselves that they are happening, that they + are holding in thrall, while we turn over, feverishly, the pages of the + book, our quickened breath and staring eyes. And once the novelist has + brought us to that state, in which, as in all purely mental states, every + emotion is multiplied ten-fold, into which his book comes to disturb us as + might a dream, but a dream more lucid, and of a more lasting impression + than those which come to us in sleep; why, then, for the space of an hour + he sets free within us all the joys and sorrows in the world, a few of + which, only, we should have to spend years of our actual life in getting + to know, and the keenest, the most intense of which would never have been + revealed to us because the slow course of their development stops our + perception of them. It is the same in life; the heart changes, and that is + our worst misfortune; but we learn of it only from reading or by + imagination; for in reality its alteration, like that of certain natural + phenomena, is so gradual that, even if we are able to distinguish, + successively, each of its different states, we are still spared the actual + sensation of change. + </p> + <p> + Next to, but distinctly less intimate a part of myself than this human + element, would come the view, more or less projected before my eyes, of + the country in which the action of the story was taking place, which made + a far stronger impression on my mind than the other, the actual landscape + which would meet my eyes when I raised them from my book. In this way, for + two consecutive summers I used to sit in the heat of our Combray garden, + sick with a longing inspired by the book I was then reading for a land of + mountains and rivers, where I could see an endless vista of sawmills, + where beneath the limpid currents fragments of wood lay mouldering in beds + of watercress; and nearby, rambling and clustering along low walls, purple + flowers and red. And since there was always lurking in my mind the dream + of a woman who would enrich me with her love, that dream in those two + summers used to be quickened with the freshness and coolness of running + water; and whoever she might be, the woman whose image I called to mind, + purple flowers and red would at once spring up on either side of her like + complementary colours. + </p> + <p> + This was not only because an image of which we dream remains for ever + distinguished, is adorned and enriched by the association of colours not + its own which may happen to surround it in our mental picture; for the + scenes in the books I read were to me not merely scenery more vividly + portrayed by my imagination than any which Combray could spread before my + eyes but otherwise of the same kind. Because of the selection that the + author had made of them, because of the spirit of faith in which my mind + would exceed and anticipate his printed word, as it might be interpreting + a revelation, these scenes used to give me the impression—one which + I hardly ever derived from any place in which I might happen to be, and + never from our garden, that undistinguished product of the strictly + conventional fantasy of the gardener whom my grandmother so despised—of + their being actually part of Nature herself, and worthy to be studied and + explored. + </p> + <p> + Had my parents allowed me, when I read a book, to pay a visit to the + country it described, I should have felt that I was making an enormous + advance towards the ultimate conquest of truth. For even if we have the + sensation of being always enveloped in, surrounded by our own soul, still + it does not seem a fixed and immovable prison; rather do we seem to be + borne away with it, and perpetually struggling to pass beyond it, to break + out into the world, with a perpetual discouragement as we hear endlessly, + all around us, that unvarying sound which is no echo from without, but the + resonance of a vibration from within. We try to discover in things, + endeared to us on that account, the spiritual glamour which we ourselves + have cast upon them; we are disillusioned, and learn that they are in + themselves barren and devoid of the charm which they owed, in our minds, + to the association of certain ideas; sometimes we mobilise all our + spiritual forces in a glittering array so as to influence and subjugate + other human beings who, as we very well know, are situated outside + ourselves, where we can never reach them. And so, if I always imagined the + woman I loved as in a setting of whatever places I most longed, at the + time, to visit; if in my secret longings it was she who attracted me to + them, who opened to me the gate of an unknown world, that was not by the + mere hazard of a simple association of thoughts; no, it was because my + dreams of travel and of love were only moments—which I isolate + artificially to-day as though I were cutting sections, at different + heights, in a jet of water, rainbow-flashing but seemingly without flow or + motion—were only drops in a single, undeviating, irresistible + outrush of all the forces of my life. + </p> + <p> + And then, as I continue to trace the outward course of these impressions + from their close-packed intimate source in my consciousness, and before I + come to the horizon of reality which envelops them, I discover pleasures + of another kind, those of being comfortably seated, of tasting the good + scent on the air, of not being disturbed by any visitor; and, when an hour + chimed from the steeple of Saint-Hilaire, of watching what was already + spent of the afternoon fall drop by drop until I heard the last stroke + which enabled me to add up the total sum, after which the silence that + followed seemed to herald the beginning, in the blue sky above me, of that + long part of the day still allowed me for reading, until the good dinner + which Françoise was even now preparing should come to strengthen and + refresh me after the strenuous pursuit of its hero through the pages of my + book. And, as each hour struck, it would seem to me that a few seconds + only had passed since the hour before; the latest would inscribe itself, + close to its predecessor, on the sky's surface, and I would be unable to + believe that sixty minutes could be squeezed into the tiny arc of blue + which was comprised between their two golden figures. Sometimes it would + even happen that this precocious hour would sound two strokes more than + the last; there must then have been an hour which I had not heard strike; + something which had taken place had not taken place for me; the + fascination of my book, a magic as potent as the deepest slumber, had + stopped my enchanted ears and had obliterated the sound of that golden + bell from the azure surface of the enveloping silence. Sweet Sunday + afternoons beneath the chestnut-tree in our Combray garden, from which I + was careful to eliminate every commonplace incident of my actual life, + replacing them by a career of strange adventures and ambitions in a land + watered by living streams, you still recall those adventures and ambitions + to my mind when I think of you, and you embody and preserve them by virtue + of having little by little drawn round and enclosed them (while I went on + with my book and the heat of the day declined) in the gradual + crystallisation, slowly altering in form and dappled with a pattern of + chestnut-leaves, of your silent, sonorous, fragrant, limpid hours. + </p> + <p> + Sometimes I would be torn from my book, in the middle of the afternoon, by + the gardener's daughter, who came running like a mad thing, overturning an + orange-tree in its tub, cutting a finger, breaking a tooth, and screaming + out "They're coming, they're coming!" so that Françoise and I should run + too and not miss anything of the show. That was on days when the cavalry + stationed in Combray went out for some military exercise, going as a rule + by the Rue Sainte-Hildegarde. While our servants, sitting in a row on + their chairs outside the garden railings, stared at the people of Combray + taking their Sunday walks and were stared at in return, the gardener's + daughter, through the gap which there was between two houses far away in + the Avenue de la Gare, would have spied the glitter of helmets. The + servants then hurried in with their chairs, for when the troopers filed + through the Rue Sainte-Hildegarde they filled it from side to side, and + their jostling horses scraped against the walls of the houses, covering + and drowning the pavements like banks which present too narrow a channel + to a river in flood. + </p> + <p> + "Poor children," Françoise would exclaim, in tears almost before she had + reached the railings; "poor boys, to be mown down like grass in a meadow. + It's just shocking to think of," she would go on, laying a hand over her + heart, where presumably she had felt the shock. + </p> + <p> + "A fine sight, isn't it, Mme. Françoise, all these young fellows not + caring two straws for their lives?" the gardener would ask, just to 'draw' + her. And he would not have spoken in vain. + </p> + <p> + "Not caring for their lives, is it? Why, what in the world is there that + we should care for if it's not our lives, the only gift the Lord never + offers us a second time? Oh dear, oh dear; you're right all the same; it's + quite true, they don't care! I can remember them in '70; in those wretched + wars they've no fear of death left in them; they're nothing more nor less + than madmen; and then they aren't worth the price of a rope to hang them + with; they're not men any more, they're lions." For by her way of + thinking, to compare a man with a lion, which she used to pronounce + 'lie-on,' was not at all complimentary to the man. + </p> + <p> + The Rue Sainte-Hildegarde turned too sharply for us to be able to see + people approaching at any distance, and it was only through the gap + between those two houses in the Avenue de la Gare that we could still make + out fresh helmets racing along towards us, and flashing in the sunlight. + The gardener wanted to know whether there were still many to come, and he + was thirsty besides, with the sun beating down upon his head. So then, + suddenly, his daughter would leap out, as though from a beleaguered city, + would make a sortie, turn the street corner, and, having risked her life a + hundred times over, reappear and bring us, with a jug of liquorice-water, + the news that there were still at least a thousand of them, pouring along + without a break from the direction of Thiberzy and Méséglise. Françoise + and the gardener, having 'made up' their difference, would discuss the + line to be followed in case of war. + </p> + <p> + "Don't you see, Françoise," he would say. "Revolution would be better, + because then no one would need to join in unless he liked." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, yes, I can see that, certainly; it's more straightforward." + </p> + <p> + The gardener believed that, as soon as war was declared, they would stop + all the railways. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, to be sure; so that we sha'n't get away," said Françoise. + </p> + <p> + And the gardener would assent, with "Ay, they're the cunning ones," for he + would not allow that war was anything but a kind of trick which the state + attempted to play on the people, or that there was a man in the world who + would not run away from it if he had the chance to do so. + </p> + <p> + But Françoise would hasten back to my aunt, and I would return to my book, + and the servants would take their places again outside the gate to watch + the dust settle on the pavement, and the excitement caused by the passage + of the soldiers subside. Long after order had been restored, an abnormal + tide of humanity would continue to darken the streets of Combray. And in + front of every house, even of those where it was not, as a rule, 'done,' + the servants, and sometimes even the masters would sit and stare, + festooning their doorsteps with a dark, irregular fringe, like the border + of shells and sea-weed which a stronger tide than usual leaves on the + beach, as though trimming it with embroidered crape, when the sea itself + has retreated. + </p> + <p> + Except on such days as these, however, I would as a rule be left to read + in peace. But the interruption which a visit from Swann once made, and the + commentary which he then supplied to the course of my reading, which had + brought me to the work of an author quite new to me, called Bergotte, had + this definite result that for a long time afterwards it was not against a + wall gay with spikes of purple blossom, but on a wholly different + background, the porch of a gothic cathedral, that I would see outlined the + figure of one of the women of whom I dreamed. + </p> + <p> + I had heard Bergotte spoken of, for the first time, by a friend older than + myself, for whom I had a strong admiration, a precious youth of the name + of Bloch. Hearing me confess my love of the <i>Nuit d'Octobre</i>, he had + burst out in a bray of laughter, like a bugle-call, and told me, by way of + warning: "You must conquer your vile taste for A. de Musset, Esquire. He + is a bad egg, one of the very worst, a pretty detestable specimen. I am + bound to admit, natheless," he added graciously, "that he, and even the + man Racine, did, each of them, once in his life, compose a line which is + not only fairly rhythmical, but has also what is in my eyes the supreme + merit of meaning absolutely nothing. One is + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + <i>La blanche Oloossone et la blanche Camire</i>, +</pre> + <p> + and the other + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + <i>La fille de Minos et de Pasiphaë</i>." +</pre> + <p> + They were submitted to my judgment, as evidence for the defence of the two + runagates, in an article by my very dear master Father Lecomte, who is + found pleasing in the sight of the immortal gods. By which token, here is + a book which I have not the time, just now, to read, a book recommended, + it would seem, by that colossal fellow. He regards, or so they tell me, + its author, one Bergotte, Esquire, as a subtle scribe, more subtle, + indeed, than any beast of the field; and, albeit he exhibits on occasion a + critical pacifism, a tenderness in suffering fools, for which it is + impossible to account, and hard to make allowance, still his word has + weight with me as it were the Delphic Oracle. Read you then this lyrical + prose, and, if the Titanic master-builder of rhythm who composed <i>Bhagavat</i> + and the <i>Lévrier de Magnus</i> speaks not falsely, then, by Apollo, you + may taste, even you, my master, the ambrosial joys of Olympus." It was in + an ostensible vein of sarcasm that he had asked me to call him, and that + he himself called me, "my master." But, as a matter of fact, we each + derived a certain amount of satisfaction from the mannerism, being still + at the age in which one believes that one gives a thing real existence by + giving it a name. + </p> + <p> + Unfortunately I was not able to set at rest, by further talks with Bloch, + in which I might have insisted upon an explanation, the doubts he had + engendered in me when he told me that fine lines of poetry (from which I, + if you please, expected nothing less than the revelation of truth itself) + were all the finer if they meant absolutely nothing. For, as it happened, + Bloch was not invited to the house again. At first, he had been well + received there. It is true that my grandfather made out that, whenever I + formed a strong attachment to any one of my friends and brought him home + with me, that friend was invariably a Jew; to which he would not have + objected on principle—indeed his own friend Swann was of Jewish + extraction—had he not found that the Jews whom I chose as friends + were not usually of the best type. And so I was hardly ever able to bring + a new friend home without my grandfather's humming the "O, God of our + fathers" from <i>La Juive</i>, or else "Israel, break thy chain," singing + the tune alone, of course, to an "um-ti-tum-ti-tum, tra-la"; but I used to + be afraid of my friend's recognising the sound, and so being able to + reconstruct the words. + </p> + <p> + Before seeing them, merely on hearing their names, about which, as often + as not, there was nothing particularly Hebraic, he would divine not only + the Jewish origin of such of my friends as might indeed be of the chosen + people, but even some dark secret which was hidden in their family. + </p> + <p> + "And what do they call your friend who is coming this evening?" + </p> + <p> + "Dumont, grandpapa." + </p> + <p> + "Dumont! Oh, I'm frightened of Dumont." + </p> + <p> + And he would sing: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Archers, be on your guard! + Watch without rest, without sound, +</pre> + <p> + and then, after a few adroit questions on points of detail, he would call + out "On guard! on guard," or, if it were the victim himself who had + already arrived, and had been obliged, unconsciously, by my grandfather's + subtle examination, to admit his origin, then my grandfather, to shew us + that he had no longer any doubts, would merely look at us, humming almost + inaudibly the air of + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + What! do you hither guide the feet + Of this timid Israelite? +</pre> + <p> + or of + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Sweet vale of Hebron, dear paternal fields, +</pre> + <p> + or, perhaps, of + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Yes, I am of the chosen race. +</pre> + <p> + These little eccentricities on my grandfather's part implied no ill-will + whatsoever towards my friends. But Bloch had displeased my family for + other reasons. He had begun by annoying my father, who, seeing him come in + with wet clothes, had asked him with keen interest: + </p> + <p> + "Why, M. Bloch, is there a change in the weather; has it been raining? I + can't understand it; the barometer has been 'set fair.'" + </p> + <p> + Which drew from Bloch nothing more instructive than "Sir, I am absolutely + incapable of telling you whether it has rained. I live so resolutely apart + from physical contingencies that my senses no longer trouble to inform me + of them." + </p> + <p> + "My poor boy," said my father after Bloch had gone, "your friend is out of + his mind. Why, he couldn't even tell me what the weather was like. As if + there could be anything more interesting! He is an imbecile." + </p> + <p> + Next, Bloch had displeased my grandmother because, after luncheon, when + she complained of not feeling very well, he had stifled a sob and wiped + the tears from his eyes. + </p> + <p> + "You cannot imagine that he is sincere," she observed to me. "Why he + doesn't know me. Unless he's mad, of course." + </p> + <p> + And finally he had upset the whole household when he arrived an hour and a + half late for luncheon and covered with mud from head to foot, and made + not the least apology, saying merely: "I never allow myself to be + influenced in the smallest degree either by atmospheric disturbances or by + the arbitrary divisions of what is known as Time. I would willingly + reintroduce to society the opium pipe of China or the Malayan kriss, but I + am wholly and entirely without instruction in those infinitely more + pernicious (besides being quite bleakly bourgeois) implements, the + umbrella and the watch." + </p> + <p> + In spite of all this he would still have been received at Combray. He was, + of course, hardly the friend my parents would have chosen for me; they + had, in the end, decided that the tears which he had shed on hearing of my + grandmother's illness were genuine enough; but they knew, either + instinctively or from their own experience, that our early impulsive + emotions have but little influence over our later actions and the conduct + of our lives; and that regard for moral obligations, loyalty to our + friends, patience in finishing our work, obedience to a rule of life, have + a surer foundation in habits solidly formed and blindly followed than in + these momentary transports, ardent but sterile. They would have preferred + to Bloch, as companions for myself, boys who would have given me no more + than it is proper, by all the laws of middle-class morality, for boys to + give one another, who would not unexpectedly send me a basket of fruit + because they happened, that morning, to have thought of me with affection, + but who, since they were incapable of inclining in my favour, by any + single impulse of their imagination and emotions, the exact balance of the + duties and claims of friendship, were as incapable of loading the scales + to my prejudice. Even the injuries we do them will not easily divert from + the path of their duty towards us those conventional natures of which my + great-aunt furnished a type: who, after quarrelling for years with a + niece, to whom she never spoke again, yet made no change in the will in + which she had left that niece the whole of her fortune, because she was + her next-of-kin, and it was the 'proper thing' to do. + </p> + <p> + But I was fond of Bloch; my parents wished me to be happy; and the + insoluble problems which I set myself on such texts as the 'absolutely + meaningless' beauty of <i>La fille de Minos et de Pasiphaë</i> tired me + more and made me more unwell than I should have been after further talks + with him, unwholesome as those talks might seem to my mother's mind. And + he would still have been received at Combray but for one thing. That same + night, after dinner, having informed me (a piece of news which had a great + influence on my later life, making it happier at one time and then more + unhappy) that no woman ever thought of anything but love, and that there + was not one of them whose resistance a man could not overcome, he had gone + on to assure me that he had heard it said on unimpeachable authority that + my great-aunt herself had led a 'gay' life in her younger days, and had + been notoriously 'kept.' I could not refrain from passing on so important + a piece of information to my parents; the next time Bloch called he was + not admitted, and afterwards, when I met him in the street, he greeted me + with extreme coldness. + </p> + <p> + But in the matter of Bergotte he had spoken truly. + </p> + <p> + For the first few days, like a tune which will be running in one's head + and maddening one soon enough, but of which one has not for the moment + 'got hold,' the things I was to love so passionately in Bergotte's style + had not yet caught my eye. I could not, it is true, lay down the novel of + his which I was reading, but I fancied that I was interested in the story + alone, as in the first dawn of love, when we go every day to meet a woman + at some party or entertainment by the charm of which we imagine it is that + we are attracted. Then I observed the rare, almost archaic phrases which + he liked to employ at certain points, where a hidden flow of harmony, a + prelude contained and concealed in the work itself would animate and + elevate his style; and it was at such points as these, too, that he would + begin to speak of the "vain dream of life," of the "inexhaustible torrent + of fair forms," of the "sterile, splendid torture of understanding and + loving," of the "moving effigies which ennoble for all time the charming + and venerable fronts of our cathedrals"; that he would express a whole + system of philosophy, new to me, by the use of marvellous imagery, to the + inspiration of which I would naturally have ascribed that sound of harping + which began to chime and echo in my ears, an accompaniment to which that + imagery added something ethereal and sublime. One of these passages of + Bergotte, the third or fourth which I had detached from the rest, filled + me with a joy to which the meagre joy I had tasted in the first passage + bore no comparison, a joy which I felt myself to have experienced in some + innermost chamber of my soul, deep, undivided, vast, from which all + obstructions and partitions seemed to have been swept away. For what had + happened was that, while I recognised in this passage the same taste for + uncommon phrases, the same bursts of music, the same idealist philosophy + which had been present in the earlier passages without my having taken + them into account as the source of my pleasure, I now no longer had the + impression of being confronted by a particular passage in one of + Bergotte's works, which traced a purely bi-dimensional figure in outline + upon the surface of my mind, but rather of the 'ideal passage' of + Bergotte, common to every one of his books, and to which all the earlier, + similar passages, now becoming merged in it, had added a kind of density + and volume, by which my own understanding seemed to be enlarged. + </p> + <p> + I was by no means Bergotte's sole admirer; he was the favourite writer + also of a friend of my mother's, a highly literary lady; while Dr. du + Boulbon had kept all his patients waiting until he finished Bergotte's + latest volume; and it was from his consulting room, and from a house in a + park near Combray that some of the first seeds were scattered of that + taste for Bergotte, a rare-growth in those days, but now so universally + acclimatised that one finds it flowering everywhere throughout Europe and + America, and even in the tiniest villages, rare still in its refinement, + but in that alone. What my mother's friend, and, it would seem, what Dr. + du Boulbon liked above all in the writings of Bergotte was just what I + liked, the same flow of melody, the same old-fashioned phrases, and + certain others, quite simple and familiar, but so placed by him, in such + prominence, as to hint at a particular quality of taste on his part; and + also, in the sad parts of his books, a sort of roughness, a tone that was + almost harsh. And he himself, no doubt, realised that these were his + principal attractions. For in his later books, if he had hit upon some + great truth, or upon the name of an historic cathedral, he would break off + his narrative, and in an invocation, an apostrophe, a lengthy prayer, + would give a free outlet to that effluence which, in the earlier volumes, + remained buried beneath the form of his prose, discernible only in a + rippling of its surface, and perhaps even more delightful, more harmonious + when it was thus veiled from the eye, when the reader could give no + precise indication of where the murmur of the current began, or of where + it died away. These passages in which he delighted were our favourites + also. For my own part I knew all of them by heart. I felt even + disappointed when he resumed the thread of his narrative. Whenever he + spoke of something whose beauty had until then remained hidden from me, of + pine-forests or of hailstorms, of <i>Notre-Dame de Paris</i>, of <i>Athalie</i>, + or of <i>Phèdre</i>, by some piece of imagery he would make their beauty + explode and drench me with its essence. And so, dimly realising that the + universe contained innumerable elements which my feeble senses would be + powerless to discern, did he not bring them within my reach, I wished that + I might have his opinion, some metaphor of his, upon everything in the + world, and especially upon such things as I might have an opportunity, + some day, of seeing for myself; and among such things, more particularly + still upon some of the historic buildings of France, upon certain views of + the sea, because the emphasis with which, in his books, he referred to + these shewed that he regarded them as rich in significance and beauty. + But, alas, upon almost everything in the world his opinion was unknown to + me. I had no doubt that it would differ entirely from my own, since his + came down from an unknown sphere towards which I was striving to raise + myself; convinced that my thoughts would have seemed pure foolishness to + that perfected spirit, I had so completely obliterated them all that, if I + happened to find in one of his books something which had already occurred + to my own mind, my heart would swell with gratitude and pride as though + some deity had, in his infinite bounty, restored it to me, had pronounced + it to be beautiful and right. It happened now and then that a page of + Bergotte would express precisely those ideas which I used often at night, + when I was unable to sleep, to write to my grandmother and mother, and so + concisely and well that his page had the appearance of a collection of + mottoes for me to set at the head of my letters. And so too, in later + years, when I began to compose a book of my own, and the quality of some + of my sentences seemed so inadequate that I could not make up my mind to + go on with the undertaking, I would find the equivalent of my sentences in + Bergotte's. But it was only then, when I read them in his pages, that I + could enjoy them; when it was I myself who composed them, in my anxiety + that they should exactly reproduce what I seemed to have detected in my + mind, and in my fear of their not turning out 'true to life,' I had no + time to ask myself whether what I was writing would be pleasant to read! + But indeed there was no kind of language, no kind of ideas which I really + liked, except these. My feverish and unsatisfactory attempts were + themselves a token of my love, a love which brought me no pleasure, but + was, for all that, intense and deep. And so, when I came suddenly upon + similar phrases in the writings of another, that is to say stripped of + their familiar accompaniment of scruples and repressions and + self-tormentings, I was free to indulge to the full my own appetite for + such things, just as a cook who, once in a while, has no dinner to prepare + for other people, can then find time to gormandise himself. And so, when I + had found, one day, in a book by Bergotte, some joke about an old family + servant, to which his solemn and magnificent style added a great deal of + irony, but which was in principle what I had often said to my grandmother + about Françoise, and when, another time, I had discovered that he thought + not unworthy of reflection in one of those mirrors of absolute Truth which + were his writings, a remark similar to one which I had had occasion to + make on our friend M. Legrandin (and, moreover, my remarks on Françoise + and M. Legrandin were among those which I would most resolutely have + sacrificed for Bergotte's sake, in the belief that he would find them + quite without interest); then it was suddenly revealed to me that my own + humble existence and the Realms of Truth were less widely separated than I + had supposed, that at certain points they were actually in contact; and in + my new-found confidence and joy I wept upon his printed page, as in the + arms of a long-lost father. + </p> + <p> + From his books I had formed an impression of Bergotte as a frail and + disappointed old man, who had lost his children, and had never found any + consolation. And so I would read, or rather sing his sentences in my + brain, with rather more <i>dolce</i>, rather more <i>lento</i> than he + himself had, perhaps, intended, and his simplest phrase would strike my + ears with something peculiarly gentle and loving in its intonation. More + than anything else in the world I cherished his philosophy, and had + pledged myself to it in lifelong devotion. It made me impatient to reach + the age when I should be eligible to attend the class at school called + 'Philosophy.' I did not wish to learn or do anything else there, but + simply to exist and be guided entirely by the mind of Bergotte, and, if I + had been told then that the metaphysicians whom I was actually to follow + there resembled him in nothing, I should have been struck down by the + despair a young lover feels who has sworn lifelong fidelity, when a friend + speaks to him of the other mistresses he will have in time to come. + </p> + <p> + One Sunday, while I was reading in the garden, I was interrupted by Swann, + who had come to call upon my parents. + </p> + <p> + "What are you reading? May I look? Why, it's Bergotte! Who has been + telling you about him?" + </p> + <p> + I replied that Bloch was responsible. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, yes, that boy I saw here once, who looks so like the Bellini portrait + of Mahomet II. It's an astonishing likeness; he has the same arched + eyebrows and hooked nose and prominent cheekbones. When his beard comes + he'll be Mahomet himself. Anyhow he has good taste, for Bergotte is a + charming creature." And seeing how much I seemed to admire Bergotte, + Swann, who never spoke at all about the people he knew, made an exception + in my favour and said: "I know him well; if you would like him to write a + few words on the title-page of your book I could ask him for you." + </p> + <p> + I dared not accept such an offer, but bombarded Swann with questions about + his friend. "Can you tell me, please, who is his favourite actor?" + </p> + <p> + "Actor? No, I can't say. But I do know this: there's not a man on the + stage whom he thinks equal to Berma; he puts her above everyone. Have you + seen her?" + </p> + <p> + "No, sir, my parents do not allow me to go to the theatre." + </p> + <p> + "That is a pity. You should insist. Berma in <i>Phèdre</i>, in the <i>Cid</i>; + well, she's only an actress, if you like, but you know that I don't + believe very much in the 'hierarchy' of the arts." As he spoke I noticed, + what had often struck me before in his conversations with my grandmother's + sisters, that whenever he spoke of serious matters, whenever he used an + expression which seemed to imply a definite opinion upon some important + subject, he would take care to isolate, to sterilise it by using a special + intonation, mechanical and ironic, as though he had put the phrase or word + between inverted commas, and was anxious to disclaim any personal + responsibility for it; as who should say "the 'hierarchy,' don't you know, + as silly people call it." But then, if it was so absurd, why did he say + the 'hierarchy'? A moment later he went on: "Her acting will give you as + noble an inspiration as any masterpiece of art in the world, as—oh, + I don't know—" and he began to laugh, "shall we say the Queens of + Chartres?" Until then I had supposed that his horror of having to give a + serious opinion was something Parisian and refined, in contrast to the + provincial dogmatism of my grandmother's sisters; and I had imagined also + that it was characteristic of the mental attitude towards life of the + circle in which Swann moved, where, by a natural reaction from the + 'lyrical' enthusiasms of earlier generations, an excessive importance was + given to small and precise facts, formerly regarded as vulgar, and + anything in the nature of 'phrase-making' was banned. But now I found + myself slightly shocked by this attitude which Swann invariably adopted + when face to face with generalities. He appeared unwilling to risk even + having an opinion, and to be at his ease only when he could furnish, with + meticulous accuracy, some precise but unimportant detail. But in so doing + he did not take into account that even here he was giving an opinion, + holding a brief (as they say) for something, that the accuracy of his + details had an importance of its own. I thought again of the dinner that + night, when I had been so unhappy because Mamma would not be coming up to + my room, and when he had dismissed the balls given by the Princesse de + Léon as being of no importance. And yet it was to just that sort of + amusement that he was devoting his life. For what other kind of existence + did he reserve the duties of saying in all seriousness what he thought + about things, of formulating judgments which he would not put between + inverted commas; and when would he cease to give himself up to occupations + of which at the same time he made out that they were absurd? I noticed, + too, in the manner in which Swann spoke to me of Bergotte, something + which, to do him justice, was not peculiar to himself, but was shared by + all that writer's admirers at that time, at least by my mother's friend + and by Dr. du Boulbon. Like Swann, they would say of Bergotte: "He has a + charming mind, so individual, he has a way of his own of saying things, + which is a little far-fetched, but so pleasant. You never need to look for + his name on the title-page, you can tell his work at once." But none of + them had yet gone so far as to say "He is a great writer, he has great + talent." They did not even credit him with talent at all. They did not + speak, because they were not aware of it. We are very slow in recognising + in the peculiar physiognomy of a new writer the type which is labelled + 'great talent' in our museum of general ideas. Simply because that + physiognomy is new and strange, we can find in it no resemblance to what + we are accustomed to call talent. We say rather originality, charm, + delicacy, strength; and then one day we add up the sum of these, and find + that it amounts simply to talent. + </p> + <p> + "Are there any books in which Bergotte has written about Berma?" I asked + M. Swann. + </p> + <p> + "I think he has, in that little essay on Racine, but it must be out of + print. Still, there has perhaps been a second impression. I will find out. + Anyhow, I can ask Bergotte himself all that you want to know next time he + comes to dine with us. He never misses a week, from one year's end to + another. He is my daughter's greatest friend. They go about together, and + look at old towns and cathedrals and castles." + </p> + <p> + As I was still completely ignorant of the different grades in the social + hierarchy, the fact that my father found it impossible for us to see + anything of Swann's wife and daughter had, for a long time, had the + contrary effect of making me imagine them as separated from us by an + enormous gulf, which greatly enhanced their dignity and importance in my + eyes. I was sorry that my mother did not dye her hair and redden her lips, + as I had heard our neighbour, Mme. Sazerat, say that Mme. Swann did, to + gratify not her husband but M. de Charlus; and I felt that, to her, we + must be an object of scorn, which distressed me particularly on account of + the daughter, such a pretty little girl, as I had heard, and one of whom I + used often to dream, always imagining her with the same features and + appearance, which I bestowed upon her quite arbitrarily, but with a + charming effect. But from this afternoon, when I had learned that Mlle. + Swann was a creature living in such rare and fortunate circumstances, + bathed, as in her natural element, in such a sea of privilege that, if she + should ask her parents whether anyone were coming to dinner, she would be + answered in those two syllables, radiant with celestial light, would hear + the name of that golden guest who was to her no more than an old friend of + her family, Bergotte; that for her the intimate conversation at table, + corresponding to what my great-aunt's conversation was for me, would be + the words of Bergotte upon all those subjects which he had not been able + to take up in his writings, and on which I would fain have heard him utter + oracles; and that, above all, when she went to visit other towns, he would + be walking by her side, unrecognised and glorious, like the gods who came + down, of old, from heaven to dwell among mortal men: then I realised both + the rare worth of a creature such as Mlle. Swann, and, at the same time, + how coarse and ignorant I should appear to her; and I felt so keenly how + pleasant and yet how impossible it would be for me to become her friend + that I was filled at once with longing and with despair. And usually, from + this time forth, when I thought of her, I would see her standing before + the porch of a cathedral, explaining to me what each of the statues meant, + and, with a smile which was my highest commendation, presenting me, as her + friend, to Bergotte. And invariably the charm of all the fancies which the + thought of cathedrals used to inspire in me, the charm of the hills and + valleys of the Ile-de-France and of the plains of Normandy, would radiate + brightness and beauty over the picture I had formed in my mind of Mlle. + Swann; nothing more remained but to know and to love her. Once we believe + that a fellow-creature has a share in some unknown existence to which that + creature's love for ourselves can win us admission, that is, of all the + preliminary conditions which Love exacts, the one to which he attaches + most importance, the one which makes him generous or indifferent as to the + rest. Even those women who pretend that they judge a man by his exterior + only, see in that exterior an emanation from some special way of life. And + that is why they fall in love with a soldier or a fireman, whose uniform + makes them less particular about his face; they kiss and believe that + beneath the crushing breastplate there beats a heart different from the + rest, more gallant, more adventurous, more tender; and so it is that a + young king or a crown prince may travel in foreign countries and make the + most gratifying conquests, and yet lack entirely that regular and classic + profile which would be indispensable, I dare say, in an outside-broker. + </p> + <p> + While I was reading in the garden, a thing my great-aunt would never have + understood my doing save on a Sunday, that being the day on which it was + unlawful to indulge in any serious occupation, and on which she herself + would lay aside her sewing (on a week-day she would have said, "How you + can go on amusing yourself with a book; it isn't Sunday, you know!" + putting into the word 'amusing' an implication of childishness and waste + of time), my aunt Léonie would be gossiping with Françoise until it was + time for Eulalie to arrive. She would tell her that she had just seen Mme. + Goupil go by "without an umbrella, in the silk dress she had made for her + the other day at Châteaudun. If she has far to go before vespers, she may + get it properly soaked." + </p> + <p> + "Very likely" (which meant also "very likely not") was the answer, for + Françoise did not wish definitely to exclude the possibility of a happier + alternative. + </p> + <p> + "There, now," went on my aunt, beating her brow, "that reminds me that I + never heard if she got to church this morning before the Elevation. I must + remember to ask Eulalie... Françoise, just look at that black cloud behind + the steeple, and how poor the light is on the slates, you may be certain + it will rain before the day is out. It couldn't possibly keep on like + this, it's been too hot. And the sooner the better, for until the storm + breaks my Vichy water won't 'go down,'" she concluded, since, in her mind, + the desire to accelerate the digestion of her Vichy water was of + infinitely greater importance than her fear of seeing Mme. Goupil's new + dress ruined. + </p> + <p> + "Very likely." + </p> + <p> + "And you know that when it rains in the Square there's none too much + shelter." Suddenly my aunt turned pale. "What, three o'clock!" she + exclaimed. "But vespers will have begun already, and I've forgotten my + pepsin! Now I know why that Vichy water has been lying on my stomach." And + falling precipitately upon a prayer-book bound in purple velvet, with gilt + clasps, out of which in her haste she let fall a shower of the little + pictures, each in a lace fringe of yellowish paper, which she used to mark + the places of the greater feasts of the church, my aunt, while she + swallowed her drops, began at full speed to mutter the words of the sacred + text, its meaning being slightly clouded in her brain by the uncertainty + whether the pepsin, when taken so long after the Vichy, would still be + able to overtake it and to 'send it down.' "Three o'clock! It's + unbelievable how time flies." + </p> + <p> + A little tap at the window, as though some missile had struck it, followed + by a plentiful, falling sound, as light, though, as if a shower of sand + were being sprinkled from a window overhead; then the fall spread, took on + an order, a rhythm, became liquid, loud, drumming, musical, innumerable, + universal. It was the rain. + </p> + <p> + "There, Françoise, what did I tell you? How it's coming down! But I think + I heard the bell at the garden gate: go along and see who can be outside + in this weather." + </p> + <p> + Françoise went and returned. "It's Mme. Amédée" (my grandmother). "She + said she was going for a walk. It's raining hard, all the same." + </p> + <p> + "I'm not at all surprised," said my aunt, looking up towards the sky. + "I've always said that she was not in the least like other people. Well, + I'm glad it's she and not myself who's outside in all this." + </p> + <p> + "Mme. Amédée is always the exact opposite of the rest," said Françoise, + not unkindly, refraining until she should be alone with the other servants + from stating her belief that my grandmother was 'a bit off her head.' + </p> + <p> + "There's Benediction over! Eulalie will never come now," sighed my aunt. + "It will be the weather that's frightened her away." + </p> + <p> + "But it's not five o'clock yet, Mme. Octave, it's only half-past four." + </p> + <p> + "Only half-past four! And here am I, obliged to draw back the small + curtains, just to get a tiny streak of daylight. At half-past four! Only a + week before the Rogation-days. Ah, my poor Françoise, the dear Lord must + be sorely vexed with us. The world is going too far in these days. As my + poor Octave used to say, we have forgotten God too often, and He is taking + vengeance upon us." + </p> + <p> + A bright flush animated my aunt's cheeks; it was Eulalie. As ill luck + would have it, scarcely had she been admitted to the presence when + Françoise reappeared and, with a smile which was meant to indicate her + full participation in the pleasure which, she had no doubt, her tidings + would give my aunt, articulating each syllable so as to shew that, in + spite of her having to translate them into indirect speech, she was + repeating, as a good servant should, the very words which the new visitor + had condescended to use, said: "His reverence the Curé would be delighted, + enchanted, if Mme. Octave is not resting just now, and could see him. His + reverence does not wish to disturb Mme. Octave. His reverence is + downstairs; I told him to go into the parlour." + </p> + <p> + Had the truth been known, the Curé's visits gave my aunt no such ecstatic + pleasure as Françoise supposed, and the air of jubilation with which she + felt bound to illuminate her face whenever she had to announce his + arrival, did not altogether correspond to what was felt by her invalid. + The Curé (an excellent man, with whom I am sorry now that I did not + converse more often, for, even if he cared nothing for the arts, he knew a + great many etymologies), being in the habit of shewing distinguished + visitors over his church (he had even planned to compile a history of the + Parish of Combray), used to weary her with his endless explanations, + which, incidentally, never varied in the least degree. But when his visit + synchronized exactly with Eulalie's it became frankly distasteful to my + aunt. She would have preferred to make the most of Eulalie, and not to + have had the whole of her circle about her at one time. But she dared not + send the Curé away, and had to content herself with making a sign to + Eulalie not to leave when he did, so that she might have her to herself + for a little after he had gone. + </p> + <p> + "What is this I have been hearing, Father, that a painter has set up his + easel in your church, and is copying one of the windows? Old as I am, I + can safely say that I have never even heard of such a thing in all my + life! What is the world coming to next, I wonder! And the ugliest thing in + the whole church, too." + </p> + <p> + "I will not go so far as to say that it is quite the ugliest, for, + although there are certain things in Saint-Hilaire which are well worth a + visit, there are others that are very old now, in my poor basilica, the + only one in all the diocese that has never even been restored. The Lord + knows, our porch is dirty and out of date; still, it is of a majestic + character; take, for instance, the Esther tapestries, though personally I + would not give a brass farthing for the pair of them, but experts put them + next after the ones at Sens. I can quite see, too, that apart from certain + details which are—well, a trifle realistic, they shew features which + testify to a genuine power of observation. But don't talk to me about the + windows. Is it common sense, I ask you, to leave up windows which shut out + all the daylight, and even confuse the eyes by throwing patches of colour, + to which I should be hard put to it to give a name, on a floor in which + there are not two slabs on the same level? And yet they refuse to renew + the floor for me because, if you please, those are the tombstones of the + Abbots of Combray and the Lords of Guermantes, the old Counts, you know, + of Brabant, direct ancestors of the present Duc de Guermantes, and of his + Duchesse also, since she was a lady of the Guermantes family, and married + her cousin." (My grandmother, whose steady refusal to take any interest in + 'persons' had ended in her confusing all their names and titles, whenever + anyone mentioned the Duchesse de Guermantes used to make out that she must + be related to Mme. de Villeparisis. The whole family would then burst out + laughing; and she would attempt to justify herself by harking back to some + invitation to a christening or funeral: "I feel sure that there was a + Guermantes in it somewhere." And for once I would side with the others, + and against her, refusing to admit that there could be any connection + between her school-friend and the descendant of Geneviève de Brabant.) + </p> + <p> + "Look at Roussainville," the Curé went on. "It is nothing more nowadays + than a parish of farmers, though in olden times the place must have had a + considerable importance from its trade in felt hats and clocks. (I am not + certain, by the way, of the etymology of Roussainville. I should dearly + like to think that the name was originally Rouville, from <i>Radulfi villa</i>, + analogous, don't you see, to Châteauroux, <i>Castrum Radulfi</i>, but we + will talk about that some other time.) Very well; the church there has + superb windows, almost all quite modern, including that most imposing + 'Entry of Louis-Philippe into Combray' which would be more in keeping, + surely, at Combray itself, and which is every bit as good, I understand, + as the famous windows at Chartres. Only yesterday I met Dr. Percepied's + brother, who goes in for these things, and he told me that he looked upon + it as a most beautiful piece of work. But, as I said to this artist, who, + by the way, seems to be a most civil fellow, and is a regular virtuoso, it + appears, with his brush; what on earth, I said to him, do you find so + extraordinary in this window, which is, if anything, a little dingier than + the rest?" + </p> + <p> + "I am sure that if you were to ask his Lordship," said my aunt in a + resigned tone, for she had begun to feel that she was going to be 'tired,' + "he would never refuse you a new window." + </p> + <p> + "You may depend upon it, Mme. Octave," replied the Curé. "Why, it was just + his Lordship himself who started the outcry about the window, by proving + that it represented Gilbert the Bad, a Lord of Guermantes and a direct + descendant of Geneviève de Brabant, who was a daughter of the House of + Guermantes, receiving absolution from Saint Hilaire." + </p> + <p> + "But I don't see where Saint Hilaire comes in." + </p> + <p> + "Why yes, have you never noticed, in the corner of the window, a lady in a + yellow robe? Very well, that is Saint Hilaire, who is also known, you will + remember, in certain parts of the country as Saint Illiers, Saint Hèlier, + and even, in the Jura, Saint Ylie. But these various corruptions of <i>Sanctus + Hilarius</i> are by no means the most curious that have occurred in the + names of the blessed Saints. Take, for example, my good Eulalie, the case + of your own patron, <i>Sancta Eulalia</i>; do you know what she has become + in Burgundy? Saint Eloi, nothing more nor less! The lady has become a + gentleman. Do you hear that, Eulalie, after you are dead they will make a + man of you!" + </p> + <p> + "Father will always have his joke." + </p> + <p> + "Gilbert's brother, Charles the Stammerer, was a pious prince, but, having + early in life lost his father, Pepin the Mad, who died as a result of his + mental infirmity, he wielded the supreme power with all the arrogance of a + man who has not been subjected to discipline in his youth, so much so + that, whenever he saw a man in a town whose face he did not remember, he + would massacre the whole place, to the last inhabitant. Gilbert, wishing + to be avenged on Charles, caused the church at Combray to be burned down, + the original church, that was, which Théodebert, when he and his court + left the country residence he had near here, at Thiberzy (which is, of + course, <i>Theodeberiacus</i>), to go out and fight the Burgundians, had + promised to build over the tomb of Saint Hilaire if the Saint brought him + victory. Nothing remains of it now but the crypt, into which Théodore has + probably taken you, for Gilbert burned all the rest. Finally, he defeated + the unlucky Charles with the aid of William" which the Curé pronounced + "Will'am" "the Conqueror, which is why so many English still come to visit + the place. But he does not appear to have managed to win the affection of + the people of Combray, for they fell upon him as he was coming out from + mass, and cut off his head. Théodore has a little book, that he lends + people, which tells you the whole story. + </p> + <p> + "But what is unquestionably the most remarkable thing about our church is + the view from the belfry, which is full of grandeur. Certainly in your + case, since you are not very strong, I should never recommend you to + climb our seven and ninety steps, just half the number they have in the + famous cathedral at Milan. It is quite tiring enough for the most active + person, especially as you have to go on your hands and knees, if you don't + wish to crack your skull, and you collect all the cobwebs off the + staircase upon your clothes. In any case you should be well wrapped up," + he went on, without noticing my aunt's fury at the mere suggestion that + she could ever, possibly, be capable of climbing into his belfry, "for + there's a strong breeze there, once you get to the top. Some people even + assure me that they have felt the chill of death up there. No matter, on + Sundays there are always clubs and societies, who come, some of them, long + distances to admire our beautiful panorama, and they always go home + charmed. Wait now, next Sunday, if the weather holds, you will be sure to + find a lot of people there, for Rogation-tide. You must admit, certainly, + that the view from up there is like a fairy-tale, with what you might call + vistas along the plain, which have quite a special charm of their own. On + a clear day you can see as far as Verneuil. And then another thing; you + can see at the same time places which you are in the habit of seeing one + without the other, as, for instance, the course of the Vivonne and the + ditches at Saint-Assise-lès-Combray, which are separated, really, by a + screen of tall trees; or, to take another example, there are all the + canals at Jouy-le-Vicomte, which is <i>Gaudiacus vicecomitis</i>, as of + course you know. Each time that I have been to Jouy I have seen a bit of a + canal in one place, and then I have turned a corner and seen another, but + when I saw the second I could no longer see the first. I tried in vain to + imagine how they lay by one another; it was no good. But, from the top of + Saint-Hilaire, it's quite another matter; the whole countryside is spread + out before you like a map. Only, you cannot make out the water; you would + say that there were great rifts in the town, slicing it up so neatly that + it looks like a loaf of bread which still holds together after it has been + cut up. To get it all quite perfect you would have to be in both places at + once; up here on the top of Saint-Hilaire and down there at + Jouy-le-Vicomte." + </p> + <p> + The Curé had so much exhausted my aunt that no sooner had he gone than she + was obliged to send away Eulalie also. + </p> + <p> + "Here, my poor Eulalie," she said in a feeble voice, drawing a coin from a + small purse which lay ready to her hand. "This is just something so that + you shall not forget me in your prayers." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, but, Mme. Octave, I don't think I ought to; you know very well that I + don't come here for that!" So Eulalie would answer, with the same + hesitation and the same embarrassment, every Sunday, as though each + temptation were the first, and with a look of displeasure which enlivened + my aunt and never offended her, for if it so happened that Eulalie, when + she took the money, looked a little less sulky than usual, my aunt would + remark afterwards, "I cannot think what has come over Eulalie; I gave her + just the trifle I always give, and she did not look at all pleased." + </p> + <p> + "I don't think she has very much to complain of, all the same," Françoise + would sigh grimly, for she had a tendency to regard as petty cash all that + my aunt might give her for herself or her children, and as treasure + riotously squandered on a pampered and ungrateful darling the little coins + slipped, Sunday by Sunday, into Eulalie's hand, but so discreetly passed + that Françoise never managed to see them. It was not that she wanted to + have for herself the money my aunt bestowed on Eulalie. She already + enjoyed a sufficiency of all that my aunt possessed, in the knowledge that + the wealth of the mistress automatically ennobled and glorified the maid + in the eyes of the world; and that she herself was conspicuous and worthy + to be praised throughout Combray, Jouy-le-Vicomte, and other cities of + men, on account of my aunt's many farms, her frequent and prolonged visits + from the Curé, and the astonishing number of bottles of Vichy water which + she consumed. Françoise was avaricious only for my aunt; had she had + control over my aunt's fortune (which would have more than satisfied her + highest ambition) she would have guarded it from the assaults of strangers + with a maternal ferocity. She would, however, have seen no great harm in + what my aunt, whom she knew to be incurably generous, allowed herself to + give away, had she given only to those who were already rich. Perhaps she + felt that such persons, not being actually in need of my aunt's presents, + could not be suspected of simulating affection for her on that account. + Besides, presents offered to persons of great wealth and position, such as + Mme. Sazerat, M. Swann, M. Legrandin and Mme. Goupil, to persons of the + 'same class' as my aunt, and who would naturally 'mix with her,' seemed to + Françoise to be included among the ornamental customs of that strange and + brilliant life led by rich people, who hunted and shot, gave balls and + paid visits, a life which she would contemplate with an admiring smile. + But it was by no means the same thing if, for this princely exchange of + courtesies, my aunt substituted mere charity, if her beneficiaries were of + the class which Françoise would label "people like myself," or "people no + better than myself," people whom she despised even more if they did not + address her always as "Mme. Françoise," just to shew that they considered + themselves to be 'not as good.' And when she saw that, despite all her + warnings, my aunt continued to do exactly as she pleased, and to fling + money away with both hands (or so, at least, Françoise believed) on + undeserving objects, she began to find that the presents she herself + received from my aunt were very tiny compared to the imaginary riches + squandered upon Eulalie, There was not, in the neighbourhood of Combray, a + farm of such prosperity and importance that Françoise doubted Eulalie's + ability to buy it, without thinking twice, out of the capital which her + visits to my aunt had 'brought in.' It must be added that Eulalie had + formed an exactly similar estimate of the vast and secret hoards of + Françoise. So, every Sunday, after Eulalie had gone, Françoise would + mercilessly prophesy her coming downfall. She hated Eulalie, but was at + the same time afraid of her, and so felt bound, when Eulalie was there, to + 'look pleasant.' But she would make up for that after the other's + departure; never, it is true, alluding to her by name, but hinting at her + in Sibylline oracles, or in utterances of a comprehensive character, like + those of Ecclesiastes, the Preacher, but so worded that their special + application could not escape my aunt. After peering out at the side of the + curtain to see whether Eulalie had shut the front-door behind her; + "Flatterers know how to make themselves welcome, and to gather up the + crumbs; but have patience, have patience; our God is a jealous God, and + one fine day He will be avenged upon them!" she would declaim, with the + sidelong, insinuating glance of Joash, thinking of Athaliah alone when he + says that the + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + ....prosperity + Of wicked men runs like a torrent past, + And soon is spent. +</pre> + <p> + But on this memorable afternoon, when the Curé had come as well, and by + his interminable visit had drained my aunt's strength, Françoise followed + Eulalie from the room, saying: "Mme. Octave, I will leave you to rest; you + look utterly tired out." + </p> + <p> + And my aunt answered her not a word, breathing a sigh so faint that it + seemed it must prove her last, and lying there with closed eyes, as though + already dead. But hardly had Françoise arrived downstairs, when four peals + of a bell, pulled with the utmost violence, reverberated through the + house, and my aunt, sitting erect upon her bed, called out: "Has Eulalie + gone yet? Would you believe it; I forgot to ask her whether Mme. Goupil + arrived in church before the Elevation. Run after her, quick!" + </p> + <p> + But Françoise returned alone, having failed to overtake Eulalie. "It is + most provoking," said my aunt, shaking her head. "The one important thing + that I had to ask her." + </p> + <p> + In this way life went by for my aunt Léonie, always the same, in the + gentle uniformity of what she called, with a pretence of deprecation but + with a deep tenderness, her 'little jog-trot.' Respected by all and + sundry, not merely in her own house, where every one of us, having learned + the futility of recommending any healthier mode of life, had become + gradually resigned to its observance, but in the village as well, where, + three streets away, a tradesman who had to hammer nails into a + packing-case would send first to Françoise to make sure that my aunt was + not 'resting'—her 'little jog-trot' was, none the less, brutally + disturbed on one occasion in this same year. Like a fruit hidden among its + leaves, which has grown and ripened unobserved by man, until it falls of + its own accord, there came upon us one night the kitchen-maid's + confinement. Her pains were unbearable, and, as there was no midwife in + Combray, Françoise had to set off before dawn to fetch one from Thiberzy. + My aunt was unable to 'rest,' owing to the cries of the girl, and as + Françoise, though the distance was nothing, was very late in returning, + her services were greatly missed. And so, in the course of the morning, my + mother said to me: "Run upstairs, and see if your aunt wants anything." + </p> + <p> + I went into the first of her two rooms, and through the open door of the + other saw my aunt lying on her side, asleep. I could hear her breathing, + in what was almost distinguishable as a snore. I was just going to slip + away when something, probably the sound of my entry, interrupted her + sleep, and made it 'change speed,' as they say of motorcars nowadays, for + the music of her snore broke off for a second and began again on a lower + note; then she awoke, and half turned her face, which I could see for the + first time; a kind of horror was imprinted on it; plainly she had just + escaped from some terrifying dream. She could not see me from where she + was lying, and I stood there not knowing whether I ought to go forward or + to retire; but all at once she seemed to return to a sense of reality, and + to grasp the falsehood of the visions that had terrified her; a smile of + joy, a pious act of thanksgiving to God, Who is pleased to grant that life + shall be less cruel than our dreams, feebly illumined her face, and, with + the habit she had formed of speaking to herself, half-aloud, when she + thought herself alone, she murmured: "The Lord be praised! We have nothing + to disturb us here but the kitchen-maid's baby. And I've been dreaming + that my poor Octave had come back to life, and was trying to make me take + a walk every day!" She stretched out a hand towards her rosary, which was + lying on the small table, but sleep was once again getting the mastery, + and did not leave her the strength to reach it; she fell asleep, calm and + contented, and I crept out of the room on tiptoe, without either her or + anyone's else ever knowing, from that day to this, what I had seen and + heard. + </p> + <p> + When I say that, apart from such rare happenings as this confinement, my + aunt's 'little jog-trot' never underwent any variation, I do not include + those variations which, repeated at regular intervals and in identical + form, did no more, really, than print a sort of uniform pattern upon the + greater uniformity of her life. So, for instance, every Saturday, as + Françoise had to go in the afternoon to market at Roussainville-le-Pin, + the whole household would have to have luncheon an hour earlier. And my + aunt had so thoroughly acquired the habit of this weekly exception to her + general habits, that she clung to it as much as to the rest. She was so + well 'routined' to it, as Françoise would say, that if, on a Saturday, she + had had to wait for her luncheon until the regular hour, it would have + 'upset' her as much as if she had had, on an ordinary day, to put her + luncheon forward to its Saturday time. Incidentally this acceleration of + luncheon gave Saturday, for all of us, an individual character, kindly and + rather attractive. At the moment when, ordinarily, there was still an hour + to be lived through before meal-time sounded, we would all know that in a + few seconds we should see the endives make their precocious appearance, + followed by the special favour of an omelette, an unmerited steak. The + return of this asymmetrical Saturday was one of those petty occurrences, + intra-mural, localised, almost civic, which, in uneventful lives and + stable orders of society, create a kind of national unity, and become the + favourite theme for conversation, for pleasantries, for anecdotes which + can be embroidered as the narrator pleases; it would have provided a + nucleus, ready-made, for a legendary cycle, if any of us had had the epic + mind. At daybreak, before we were dressed, without rhyme or reason, save + for the pleasure of proving the strength of our solidarity, we would call + to one another good-humoredly, cordially, patriotically, "Hurry up; + there's no time to be lost; don't forget, it's Saturday!" while my aunt, + gossiping with Françoise, and reflecting that the day would be even longer + than usual, would say, "You might cook them a nice bit of veal, seeing + that it's Saturday." If, at half-past ten, some one absent-mindedly pulled + out a watch and said, "I say, an hour-and-a-half still before luncheon," + everyone else would be in ecstasies over being able to retort at once: + "Why, what are you thinking about? Have you for-gotten that it's + Saturday?" And a quarter of an hour later we would still be laughing, and + reminding ourselves to go up and tell aunt Léonie about this absurd + mistake, to amuse her. The very face of the sky appeared to undergo a + change. After luncheon the sun, conscious that it was Saturday, would + blaze an hour longer in the zenith, and when some one, thinking that we + were late in starting for our walk, said, "What, only two o'clock!" + feeling the heavy throb go by him of the twin strokes from the steeple of + Saint-Hilaire (which as a rule passed no one at that hour upon the + highways, deserted for the midday meal or for the nap which follows it, or + on the banks of the bright and ever-flowing stream, which even the angler + had abandoned, and so slipped unaccompanied into the vacant sky, where + only a few loitering clouds remained to greet them) the whole family would + respond in chorus: "Why, you're forgetting; we had luncheon an hour + earlier; you know very well it's Saturday." + </p> + <p> + The surprise of a 'barbarian' (for so we termed everyone who was not + acquainted with Saturday's special customs) who had called at eleven + o'clock to speak to my father, and had found us at table, was an event + which used to cause Françoise as much merriment as, perhaps, anything that + had ever happened in her life. And if she found it amusing that the + nonplussed visitor should not have known, beforehand, that we had our + luncheon an hour earlier on Saturday, it was still more irresistibly funny + that my father himself (fully as she sympathised, from the bottom of her + heart, with the rigid chauvinism which prompted him) should never have + dreamed that the barbarian could fail to be aware of so simple a matter, + and so had replied, with no further enlightenment of the other's surprise + at seeing us already in the dining-room: "You see, it's Saturday." On + reaching this point in the story, Françoise would pause to wipe the tears + of merriment from her eyes, and then, to add to her own enjoyment, would + prolong the dialogue, inventing a further reply for the visitor to whom + the word 'Saturday' had conveyed nothing. And so far from our objecting to + these interpolations, we would feel that the story was not yet long + enough, and would rally her with: "Oh, but surely he said something else + as well. There was more than that, the first time you told it." + </p> + <p> + My great-aunt herself would lay aside her work, and raise her head and + look on at us over her glasses. + </p> + <p> + The day had yet another characteristic feature, namely, that during May we + used to go out on Saturday evenings after dinner to the 'Month of Mary' + devotions. + </p> + <p> + As we were liable, there, to meet M. Vinteuil, who held very strict views + on "the deplorable untidiness of young people, which seems to be + encouraged in these days," my mother would first see that there was + nothing out of order in my appearance, and then we would set out for the + church. It was in these 'Month of Mary' services that I can remember + having first fallen in love with hawthorn-blossom. The hawthorn was not + merely in the church, for there, holy ground as it was, we had all of us a + right of entry; but, arranged upon the altar itself, inseparable from the + mysteries in whose celebration it was playing a part, it thrust in among + the tapers and the sacred vessels its rows of branches, tied to one + another horizontally in a stiff, festal scheme of decoration; and they + were made more lovely still by the scalloped outline of the dark leaves, + over which were scattered in profusion, as over a bridal train, little + clusters of buds of a dazzling whiteness. Though I dared not look at them + save through my fingers, I could feel that the formal scheme was composed + of living things, and that it was Nature herself who, by trimming the + shape of the foliage, and by adding the crowning ornament of those snowy + buds, had made the decorations worthy of what was at once a public + rejoicing and a solemn mystery. Higher up on the altar, a flower had + opened here and there with a careless grace, holding so unconcernedly, + like a final, almost vaporous bedizening, its bunch of stamens, slender as + gossamer, which clouded the flower itself in a white mist, that in + following these with my eyes, in trying to imitate, somewhere inside + myself, the action of their blossoming, I imagined it as a swift and + thoughtless movement of the head with an enticing glance from her + contracted pupils, by a young girl in white, careless and alive. + </p> + <p> + M. Vinteuil had come in with his daughter and had sat down beside us. He + belonged to a good family, and had once been music-master to my + grandmother's sisters; so that when, after losing his wife and inheriting + some property, he had retired to the neighbourhood of Combray, we used + often to invite him to our house. But with his intense prudishness he had + given up coming, so as not to be obliged to meet Swann, who had made what + he called "a most unsuitable marriage, as seems to be the fashion in these + days." My mother, on hearing that he 'composed,' told him by way of a + compliment that, when she came to see him, he must play her something of + his own. M. Vinteuil would have liked nothing better, but he carried + politeness and consideration for others to so fine a point, always putting + himself in their place, that he was afraid of boring them, or of appearing + egotistical, if he carried out, or even allowed them to suspect what were + his own desires. On the day when my parents had gone to pay him a visit, I + had accompanied them, but they had allowed me to remain outside, and as M. + Vinteuil's house, Montjouvain, stood on a site actually hollowed out from + a steep hill covered with shrubs, among which I took cover, I had found + myself on a level with his drawing-room, upstairs, and only a few feet + away from its window. When a servant came in to tell him that my parents + had arrived, I had seen M. Vinteuil run to the piano and lay out a sheet + of music so as to catch the eye. But as soon as they entered the room he + had snatched it away and hidden it in a corner. He was afraid, no doubt, + of letting them suppose that he was glad to see them only because it gave + him a chance of playing them some of his compositions. And every time that + my mother, in the course of her visit, had returned to the subject of his + playing, he had hurriedly protested: "I cannot think who put that on the + piano; it is not the proper place for it at all," and had turned the + conversation aside to other topics, simply because those were of less + interest to himself. + </p> + <p> + His one and only passion was for his daughter, and she, with her somewhat + boyish appearance, looked so robust that it was hard to restrain a smile + when one saw the precautions her father used to take for her health, with + spare shawls always in readiness to wrap around her shoulders. My + grandmother had drawn our attention to the gentle, delicate, almost timid + expression which might often be caught flitting across the face, dusted + all over with freckles, of this otherwise stolid child. When she had + spoken, she would at once take her own words in the sense in which her + audience must have heard them, she would be alarmed at the possibility of + a misunderstanding, and one would see, in clear outline, as though in a + transparency, beneath the mannish face of the 'good sort' that she was, + the finer features of a young woman in tears. + </p> + <p> + When, before turning to leave the church, I made a genuflection before the + altar, I felt suddenly, as I rose again, a bitter-sweet fragrance of + almonds steal towards me from the hawthorn-blossom, and I then noticed + that on the flowers themselves were little spots of a creamier colour, in + which I imagined that this fragrance must lie concealed, as the taste of + an almond cake lay in the burned parts, or the sweetness of Mlle. + Vinteuil's cheeks beneath their freckles. Despite the heavy, motionless + silence of the hawthorns, these gusts of fragrance came to me like the + murmuring of an intense vitality, with which the whole altar was quivering + like a roadside hedge explored by living antennae, of which I was reminded + by seeing some stamens, almost red in colour, which seemed to have kept + the springtime virulence, the irritant power of stinging insects now + transmuted into flowers. + </p> + <p> + Outside the church we would stand talking for a moment with M. Vinteuil, + in the porch. Boys would be chevying one another in the Square, and he + would interfere, taking the side of the little ones and lecturing the big. + If his daughter said, in her thick, comfortable voice, how glad she had + been to see us, immediately it would seem as though some elder and more + sensitive sister, latent in her, had blushed at this thoughtless, + schoolboyish utterance, which had, perhaps, made us think that she was + angling for an invitation to the house. Her father would then arrange a + cloak over her shoulders, they would clamber into a little dog-cart which + she herself drove, and home they would both go to Montjouvain. As for + ourselves, the next day being Sunday, with no need to be up and stirring + before high mass, if it was a moonlight night and warm, then, instead of + taking us home at once, my father, in his thirst for personal distinction, + would lead us on a long walk round by the Calvary, which my mother's utter + incapacity for taking her bearings, or even for knowing which road she + might be on, made her regard as a triumph of his strategic genius. + Sometimes we would go as far as the viaduct, which began to stride on its + long legs of stone at the railway station, and to me typified all the + wretchedness of exile beyond the last outposts of civilisation, because + every year, as we came down from Paris, we would be warned to take special + care, when we got to Combray, not to miss the station, to be ready before + the train stopped, since it would start again in two minutes and proceed + across the viaduct, out of the lands of Christendom, of which Combray, to + me, represented the farthest limit. We would return by the Boulevard de la + Gare, which contained the most attractive villas in the town. In each of + their gardens the moonlight, copying the art of Hubert Robert, had + scattered its broken staircases of white marble, its fountains of water + and gates temptingly ajar. Its beams had swept away the telegraph office. + All that was left of it was a column, half shattered, but preserving the + beauty of a ruin which endures for all time. I would by now be dragging my + weary limbs, and ready to drop with sleep; the balmy scent of the + lime-trees seemed a consolation which I could obtain only at the price of + great suffering and exhaustion, and not worthy of the effort. From gates + far apart the watchdogs, awakened by our steps in the silence, would set + up an antiphonal barking, as I still hear them bark, at times, in the + evenings, and it is in their custody (when the public gardens of Combray + were constructed on its site) that the Boulevard de la Gare must have + taken refuge, for wherever I may be, as soon as they begin their alternate + challenge and acceptance, I can see it again with all its lime-trees, and + its pavement glistening beneath the moon. + </p> + <p> + Suddenly my father would bring us to a standstill and ask my mother—"Where + are we?" Utterly worn out by the walk but still proud of her husband, she + would lovingly confess that she had not the least idea. He would shrug his + shoulders and laugh. And then, as though it had slipped, with his + latchkey, from his waistcoat pocket, he would point out to us, when it + stood before our eyes, the back-gate of our own garden, which had come + hand-in-hand with the familiar corner of the Rue du Saint-Esprit, to await + us, to greet us at the end of our wanderings over paths unknown. My mother + would murmur admiringly "You really are wonderful!" And from that instant + I had not to take another step; the ground moved forward under my feet in + that garden where, for so long, my actions had ceased to require any + control, or even attention, from my will. Custom came to take me in her + arms, carried me all the way up to my bed, and laid me down there like a + little child. + </p> + <p> + Although Saturday, by beginning an hour earlier, and by depriving her of + the services of Françoise, passed more slowly than other days for my aunt, + yet, the moment it was past, and a new week begun, she would look forward + with impatience to its return, as something that embodied all the novelty + and distraction which her frail and disordered body was still able to + endure. This was not to say, however, that she did not long, at times, for + some even greater variation, that she did not pass through those abnormal + hours in which one thirsts for something different from what one has, when + those people who, through lack of energy or imagination, are unable to + generate any motive power in themselves, cry out, as the clock strikes or + the postman knocks, in their eagerness for news (even if it be bad news), + for some emotion (even that of grief); when the heartstrings, which + prosperity has silenced, like a harp laid by, yearn to be plucked and + sounded again by some hand, even a brutal hand, even if it shall break + them; when the will, which has with such difficulty brought itself to + subdue its impulse, to renounce its right to abandon itself to its own + uncontrolled desires, and consequent sufferings, would fain cast its + guiding reins into the hands of circumstances, coercive and, it may be, + cruel. Of course, since my aunt's strength, which was completely drained + by the slightest exertion, returned but drop by drop into the pool of her + repose, the reservoir was very slow in filling, and months would go by + before she reached that surplus which other people use up in their daily + activities, but which she had no idea—and could never decide how to + employ. And I have no doubt that then—just as a desire to have her + potatoes served with béchamel sauce, for a change, would be formed, + ultimately, from the pleasure she found in the daily reappearance of those + mashed potatoes of which she was never 'tired'—she would extract + from the accumulation of those monotonous days (on which she so much + depended) a keen expectation of some domestic cataclysm, instantaneous in + its happening, but violent enough to compel her to put into effect, once + for all, one of those changes which she knew would be beneficial to her + health, but to which she could never make up her mind without some such + stimulus. She was genuinely fond of us; she would have enjoyed the long + luxury of weeping for our untimely decease; coming at a moment when she + felt 'well' and was not in a perspiration, the news that the house was + being destroyed by a fire, in which all the rest of us had already + perished, a fire which, in a little while, would not leave one stone + standing upon another, but from which she herself would still have plenty + of time to escape without undue haste, provided that she rose at once from + her bed, must often have haunted her dreams, as a prospect which combined + with the two minor advantages of letting her taste the full savour of her + affection for us in long years of mourning, and of causing universal + stupefaction in the village when she should sally forth to conduct our + obsequies, crushed but courageous, moribund but erect, the paramount and + priceless boon of forcing her at the right moment, with no time to be + lost, no room for weakening hesitations, to go off and spend the summer at + her charming farm of Mirougrain, where there was a waterfall. Inasmuch as + nothing of this sort had ever occurred, though indeed she must often have + pondered the success of such a manoeuvre as she lay alone absorbed in her + interminable games of patience (and though it must have plunged her in + despair from the first moment of its realisation, from the first of those + little unforeseen facts, the first word of calamitous news, whose accents + can never afterwards be expunged from the memory, everything that bears + upon it the imprint of actual, physical death, so terribly different from + the logical abstraction of its possibility) she would fall back from time + to time, to add an interest to her life, upon imagining other, minor + catastrophes, which she would follow up with passion. She would beguile + herself with a sudden suspicion that Françoise had been robbing her, that + she had set a trap to make certain, and had caught her betrayer + red-handed; and being in the habit, when she made up a game of cards by + herself, of playing her own and her adversary's hands at once, she would + first stammer out Françoise's awkward apologies, and then reply to them + with such a fiery indignation that any of us who happened to intrude upon + her at one of these moments would find her bathed in perspiration, her + eyes blazing, her false hair pushed awry and exposing the baldness of her + brows. Françoise must often, from the next room, have heard these mordant + sarcasms levelled at herself, the mere framing of which in words would not + have relieved my aunt's feelings sufficiently, had they been allowed to + remain in a purely immaterial form, without the degree of substance and + reality which she added to them by murmuring them half-aloud. Sometimes, + however, even these counterpane dramas would not satisfy my aunt; she must + see her work staged. And so, on a Sunday, with all the doors mysteriously + closed, she would confide in Eulalie her doubts of Françoise's integrity + and her determination to be rid of her, and on another day she would + confide in Françoise her suspicions of the disloyalty of Eulalie, to whom + the front-door would very soon be closed for good. A few days more, and, + disgusted with her latest confidant, she would again be 'as thick as + thieves' with the traitor, while, before the next performance, the two + would once more have changed their parts. But the suspicions which Eulalie + might occasionally breed in her were no more than a fire of straw, which + must soon subside for lack of fuel, since Eulalie was not living with her + in the house. It was a very different matter when the suspect was + Françoise, of whose presence under the same roof as herself my aunt was + perpetually conscious, while for fear of catching cold, were she to leave + her bed, she would never dare go downstairs to the kitchen to see for + herself whether there was, indeed, any foundation for her suspicions. And + so on by degrees, until her mind had no other occupation than to attempt, + at every hour of the day, to discover what was being done, what was being + concealed from her by Françoise. She would detect the most furtive + movement of Françoise's features, something contradictory in what she was + saying, some desire which she appeared to be screening. And she would shew + her that she was unmasked, by, a single word, which made Françoise turn + pale, and which my aunt seemed to find a cruel satisfaction in driving + into her unhappy servant's heart. And the very next Sunday a disclosure by + Eulalie—like one of those discoveries which suddenly open up an + unsuspected field for exploration to some new science which has hitherto + followed only the beaten paths—proved to my aunt that her own worst + suspicions fell a long way short of the appalling truth. "But Françoise + ought to know that," said Eulalie, "now that you have given her a + carriage." + </p> + <p> + "Now that I have given her a carriage!" gasped my aunt. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, but I didn't know; I only thought so; I saw her go by yesterday in + her open coach, as proud as Artaban, on her way to Roussainville market. I + supposed that it must be Mme. Octave who had given it to her." + </p> + <p> + So on by degrees, until Françoise and my aunt, the quarry and the hunter, + could never cease from trying to forestall each other's devices. My mother + was afraid lest Françoise should develop a genuine hatred of my aunt, who + was doing everything in her power to annoy her. However that might be, + Françoise had come, more and more, to pay an infinitely scrupulous + attention to my aunt's least word and gesture. When she had to ask her for + anything she would hesitate, first, for a long time, making up her mind + how best to begin. And when she had uttered her request, she would watch + my aunt covertly, trying to guess from the expression on her face what she + thought of it, and how she would reply. And in this way—whereas an + artist who had been reading memoirs of the seventeenth century, and wished + to bring himself nearer to the great Louis, would consider that he was + making progress in that direction when he constructed a pedigree that + traced his own descent from some historic family, or when he engaged in + correspondence with one of the reigning Sovereigns of Europe, and so would + shut his eyes to the mistake he was making in seeking to establish a + similarity by an exact and therefore lifeless copy of mere outward forms—a + middle-aged lady in a small country town, by doing no more than yield + whole-hearted obedience to her own irresistible eccentricities, and to a + spirit of mischief engendered by the utter idleness of her existence, + could see, without ever having given a thought to Louis XIV, the most + trivial occupations of her daily life, her morning toilet, her luncheon, + her afternoon nap, assume, by virtue of their despotic singularity, + something of the interest that was to be found in what Saint-Simon used to + call the 'machinery' of life at Versailles; and was able, too, to persuade + herself that her silence, a shade of good humour or of arrogance on her + features would provide Françoise with matter for a mental commentary as + tense with passion and terror, as did the silence, the good humour or the + arrogance of the King when a courtier, or even his greatest nobles, had + presented a petition to him, at the turning of an avenue, at Versailles. + </p> + <p> + One Sunday, when my aunt had received simultaneous visits from the Curé + and from Eulalie, and had been left alone, afterwards, to rest, the whole + family went upstairs to bid her good night, and Mamma ventured to condole + with her on the unlucky coincidence that always brought both visitors to + her door at the same time. + </p> + <p> + "I hear that things went wrong again to-day, Léonie," she said kindly, + "you have had all your friends here at once." + </p> + <p> + And my great-aunt interrupted with: "Too many good things..." for, since + her daughter's illness, she felt herself in duty bound to revive her as + far as possible by always drawing her attention to the brighter side of + things. But my father had begun to speak. + </p> + <p> + "I should like to take advantage," he said, "of the whole family's being + here together, to tell you a story, so as not to have to begin all over + again to each of you separately. I am afraid we are in M. Legrandin's bad + books; he would hardly say 'How d'ye do' to me this morning." + </p> + <p> + I did not wait to hear the end of my father's story, for I had been with + him myself after mass when we had passed M. Legrandin; instead, I went + downstairs to the kitchen to ask for the bill of fare for our dinner, + which was of fresh interest to me daily, like the news in a paper, and + excited me as might the programme of a coming festivity. + </p> + <p> + As M. Legrandin had passed close by us on our way from church, walking by + the side of a lady, the owner of a country house in the neighbourhood, + whom we knew only by sight, my father had saluted him in a manner at once + friendly and reserved, without stopping in his walk; M. Legrandin had + barely acknowledged the courtesy, and then with an air of surprise, as + though he had not recognised us, and with that distant look characteristic + of people who do not wish to be agreeable, and who from the suddenly + receding depths of their eyes seem to have caught sight of you at the far + end of an interminably straight road, and at so great a distance that they + content themselves with directing towards you an almost imperceptible + movement of the head, in proportion to your doll-like dimensions. + </p> + <p> + Now, the lady who was walking with Legrandin was a model of virtue, known + and highly respected; there could be no question of his being out for + amorous adventure, and annoyed at being detected; and my father asked + himself how he could possibly have displeased our friend. + </p> + <p> + "I should be all the more sorry to feel that he was angry with us," he + said, "because among all those people in their Sunday clothes there is + something about him, with his little cut-away coat and his soft neckties, + so little 'dressed-up,' so genuinely simple; an air of innocence, almost, + which is really attractive." + </p> + <p> + But the vote of the family council was unanimous, that my father had + imagined the whole thing, or that Legrandin, at the moment in question, + had been preoccupied in thinking about something else. Anyhow, my father's + fears were dissipated no later than the following evening. As we returned + from a long walk we saw, near the Pont-Vieux, Legrandin himself, who, on + account of the holidays, was spending a few days more in Combray. He came + up to us with outstretched hand: "Do you know, master book-lover," he + asked me, "this line of Paul Desjardins? + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Now are the woods all black, but still the sky is blue. +</pre> + <p> + Is not that a fine rendering of a moment like this? Perhaps you have never + read Paul Desjardins. Read him, my boy, read him; in these days he is + converted, they tell me, into a preaching friar, but he used to have the + most charming water-colour touch— + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Now are the woods all black, but still the sky is blue. +</pre> + <p> + May you always see a blue sky overhead, my young friend; and then, even + when the time comes, which is coming now for me, when the woods are all + black, when night is fast falling, you will be able to console yourself, + as I am doing, by looking up to the sky." He took a cigarette from his + pocket and stood for a long time, his eyes fixed on the horizon. "Goodbye, + friends!" he suddenly exclaimed, and left us. + </p> + <p> + At the hour when I usually went downstairs to find out what there was for + dinner, its preparation would already have begun, and Françoise, a colonel + with all the forces of nature for her subalterns, as in the fairy-tales + where giants hire themselves out as scullions, would be stirring the + coals, putting the potatoes to steam, and, at the right moment, finishing + over the fire those culinary masterpieces which had been first got ready + in some of the great array of vessels, triumphs of the potter's craft, + which ranged from tubs and boilers and cauldrons and fish kettles down to + jars for game, moulds for pastry, and tiny pannikins for cream, and + included an entire collection of pots and pans of every shape and size. I + would stop by the table, where the kitchen-maid had shelled them, to + inspect the platoons of peas, drawn up in ranks and numbered, like little + green marbles, ready for a game; but what fascinated me would be the + asparagus, tinged with ultramarine and rosy pink which ran from their + heads, finely stippled in mauve and azure, through a series of + imperceptible changes to their white feet, still stained a little by the + soil of their garden-bed: a rainbow-loveliness that was not of this world. + I felt that these celestial hues indicated the presence of exquisite + creatures who had been pleased to assume vegetable form, who, through the + disguise which covered their firm and edible flesh, allowed me to discern + in this radiance of earliest dawn, these hinted rainbows, these blue + evening shades, that precious quality which I should recognise again when, + all night long after a dinner at which I had partaken of them, they played + (lyrical and coarse in their jesting as the fairies in Shakespeare's <i>Dream</i>) + at transforming my humble chamber into a bower of aromatic perfume. + </p> + <p> + Poor Giotto's Charity, as Swann had named her, charged by Françoise with + the task of preparing them for the table, would have them lying beside her + in a basket; sitting with a mournful air, as though all the sorrows of the + world were heaped upon her; and the light crowns of azure which capped the + asparagus shoots above their pink jackets would be finely and separately + outlined, star by star, as in Giotto's fresco are the flowers banded about + the brows, or patterning the basket of his Virtue at Padua. And, + meanwhile, Françoise would be turning on the spit one of those chickens, + such as she alone knew how to roast, chickens which had wafted far abroad + from Combray the sweet savour of her merits, and which, while she was + serving them to us at table, would make the quality of kindness + predominate for the moment in my private conception of her character; the + aroma of that cooked flesh, which she knew how to make so unctuous and so + tender, seeming to me no more than the proper perfume of one of her many + virtues. + </p> + <p> + But the day on which, while my father took counsel with his family upon + our strange meeting with Legrandin, I went down to the kitchen, was one of + those days when Giotto's Charity, still very weak and ill after her recent + confinement, had been unable to rise from her bed; Françoise, being + without assistance, had fallen into arrears. When I went in, I saw her in + the back-kitchen which opened on to the courtyard, in process of killing a + chicken; by its desperate and quite natural resistance, which Françoise, + beside herself with rage as she attempted to slit its throat beneath the + ear, accompanied with shrill cries of "Filthy creature! Filthy creature!" + it made the saintly kindness and unction of our servant rather less + prominent than it would do, next day at dinner, when it made its + appearance in a skin gold-embroidered like a chasuble, and its precious + juice was poured out drop by drop as from a pyx. When it was dead + Françoise mopped up its streaming blood, in which, however, she did not + let her rancour drown, for she gave vent to another burst of rage, and, + gazing down at the carcass of her enemy, uttered a final "Filthy + creature!" + </p> + <p> + I crept out of the kitchen and upstairs, trembling all over; I could have + prayed, then, for the instant dismissal of Françoise. But who would have + baked me such hot rolls, boiled me such fragrant coffee, and even—roasted + me such chickens? And, as it happened, everyone else had already had to + make the same cowardly reckoning. For my aunt Léonie knew (though I was + still in ignorance of this) that Françoise, who, for her own daughter or + for her nephews, would have given her life without a murmur, shewed a + singular implacability in her dealings with the rest of the world. In + spite of which my aunt still retained her, for, while conscious of her + cruelty, she could appreciate her services. I began gradually to realise + that Françoise's kindness, her compunction, the sum total of her virtues + concealed many of these back-kitchen tragedies, just as history reveals to + us that the reigns of the kings and queens who are portrayed as kneeling + with clasped hands in the windows of churches, were stained by oppression + and bloodshed. I had taken note of the fact that, apart from her own + kinsfolk, the sufferings of humanity inspired in her a pity which + increased in direct ratio to the distance separating the sufferers from + herself. The tears which flowed from her in torrents when she read of the + misfortunes of persons unknown to her, in a newspaper, were quickly + stemmed once she had been able to form a more accurate mental picture of + the victims. One night, shortly after her confinement, the kitchen-maid + was seized with the most appalling pains; Mamma heard her groans, and rose + and awakened Françoise, who, quite unmoved, declared that all the outcry + was mere malingering, that the girl wanted to 'play the mistress' in the + house. The doctor, who had been afraid of some such attack, had left a + marker in a medical dictionary which we had, at the page on which the + symptoms were described, and had told us to turn up this passage, where we + would find the measures of 'first aid' to be adopted. My mother sent + Françoise to fetch the book, warning her not to let the marker drop out. + An hour elapsed, and Françoise had not returned; my mother, supposing that + she had gone back to bed, grew vexed, and told me to go myself to the + bookcase and fetch the volume. I did so, and there found Françoise who, in + her curiosity to know what the marker indicated, had begun to read the + clinical account of these after-pains, and was violently sobbing, now that + it was a question of a type of illness with which she was not familiar. At + each painful symptom mentioned by the writer she would exclaim: "Oh, oh, + Holy Virgin, is it possible that God wishes any wretched human creature to + suffer so? Oh, the poor girl!" + </p> + <p> + But when I had called her, and she had returned to the bedside of Giotto's + Charity, her tears at once ceased to flow; she could find no stimulus for + that pleasant sensation of tenderness and pity which she very well knew, + having been moved to it often enough by the perusal of newspapers; nor any + other pleasure of the same kind in her sense of weariness and irritation + at being pulled out of bed in the middle of the night for the + kitchen-maid; so that at the sight of those very sufferings, the printed + account of which had moved her to tears, she had nothing to offer but + ill-tempered mutterings, mingled with bitter sarcasm, saying, when she + thought that we had gone out of earshot: "Well, she need never have done + what she must have done to bring all this about! She found that pleasant + enough, I dare say! She had better not put on any airs now. All the same, + he must have been a god-forsaken young man to go after <i>that</i>. Dear, + dear, it's just as they used to say in my poor mother's country: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Snaps and snails and puppy-dogs' tails, + And dirty sluts in plenty, + Smell sweeter than roses in young men's noses + When the heart is one-and-twenty." +</pre> + <p> + Although, when her grandson had a slight cold in his head, she would set + off at night, even if she were ill also, instead of going to bed, to see + whether he had everything that he wanted, covering ten miles on foot + before daybreak so as to be in time to begin her work, this same love for + her own people, and her desire to establish the future greatness of her + house on a solid foundation reacted, in her policy with regard to the + other servants, in one unvarying maxim, which was never to let any of them + set foot in my aunt's room; indeed she shewed a sort of pride in not + allowing anyone else to come near my aunt, preferring, when she herself + was ill, to get out of bed and to administer the Vichy water in person, + rather than to concede to the kitchen-maid the right of entry into her + mistress's presence. There is a species of hymenoptera, observed by Fabre, + the burrowing wasp, which in order to provide a supply of fresh meat for + her offspring after her own decease, calls in the science of anatomy to + amplify the resources of her instinctive cruelty, and, having made a + collection of weevils and spiders, proceeds with marvellous knowledge and + skill to pierce the nerve-centre on which their power of locomotion (but + none of their other vital functions) depends, so that the paralysed + insect, beside which her egg is laid, will furnish the larva, when it is + hatched, with a tamed and inoffensive quarry, incapable either of flight + or of resistance, but perfectly fresh for the larder: in the same way + Françoise had adopted, to minister to her permanent and unfaltering + resolution to render the house uninhabitable to any other servant, a + series of crafty and pitiless stratagems. Many years later we discovered + that, if we had been fed on asparagus day after day throughout that whole + season, it was because the smell of the plants gave the poor kitchen-maid, + who had to prepare them, such violent attacks of asthma that she was + finally obliged to leave my aunt's service. + </p> + <p> + Alas! we had definitely to alter our opinion of M. Legrandin. On one of + the Sundays following our meeting with him on the Pont-Vieux, after which + my father had been forced to confess himself mistaken, as mass drew to an + end, and, with the sunshine and the noise of the outer world, something + else invaded the church, an atmosphere so far from sacred that Mme. + Goupil, Mme. Percepied (all those, in fact, who a moment ago, when I + arrived a little late, had been sitting motionless, their eyes fixed on + their prayer-books; who, I might even have thought, had not seen me come + in, had not their feet moved slightly to push away the little + kneeling-desk which was preventing me from getting to my chair) began in + loud voices to discuss with us all manner of utterly mundane topics, as + though we were already outside in the Square, we saw, standing on the + sun-baked steps of the porch, dominating the many-coloured tumult of the + market, Legrandin himself, whom the husband of the lady we had seen with + him, on the previous occasion, was just going to introduce to the wife of + another large landed proprietor of the district. Legrandin's face shewed + an extraordinary zeal and animation; he made a profound bow, with a + subsidiary backward movement which brought his spine sharply up into a + position behind its starting-point, a gesture in which he must have been + trained by the husband of his sister, Mme. de Cambremer. This rapid + recovery caused a sort of tense muscular wave to ripple over Legrandin's + hips, which I had not supposed to be so fleshy; I cannot say why, but this + undulation of pure matter, this wholly carnal fluency, with not the least + hint in it of spiritual significance, this wave lashed to a fury by the + wind of an assiduity, an obsequiousness of the basest sort, awoke my mind + suddenly to the possibility of a Legrandin altogether different from the + one whom we knew. The lady gave him some message for her coachman, and + while he was stepping down to her carriage the impression of joy, timid + and devout, which the introduction had stamped there, still lingered on + his face. Carried away in a sort of dream, he smiled, then he began to + hurry back towards the lady; he was walking faster than usual, and his + shoulders swayed backwards and forwards, right and left, in the most + absurd fashion; altogether he looked, so utterly had he abandoned himself + to it, ignoring all other considerations, as though he were the lifeless + and wire-pulled puppet of his own happiness. Meanwhile we were coming out + through the porch; we were passing close beside him; he was too well bred + to turn his head away; but he fixed his eyes, which had suddenly changed + to those of a seer, lost in the profundity of his vision, on so distant a + point of the horizon that he could not see us, and so had not to + acknowledge our presence. His face emerged, still with an air of + innocence, from his straight and pliant coat, which looked as though + conscious of having been led astray, in spite of itself, and plunged into + surroundings of a detested splendour. And a spotted necktie, stirred by + the breezes of the Square, continued to float in front of Legrandin, like + the standard of his proud isolation, of his noble independence. Just as we + reached the house my mother discovered that we had forgotten the + 'Saint-Honoré,' and asked my father to go back with me and tell them to + send it up at once. Near the church we met Legrandin, coming towards us + with the same lady, whom he was escorting to her carriage. He brushed past + us, and did not interrupt what he was saying to her, but gave us, out of + the corner of his blue eye, a little sign, which began and ended, so to + speak, inside his eyelids, and as it did not involve the least movement of + his facial muscles, managed to pass quite unperceived by the lady; but, + striving to compensate by the intensity of his feelings for the somewhat + restricted field in which they had to find expression, he made that blue + chink, which was set apart for us, sparkle with all the animation of + cordiality, which went far beyond mere playfulness, and almost touched the + border-line of roguery; he subtilised the refinements of good-fellowship + into a wink of connivance, a hint, a hidden meaning, a secret + understanding, all the mysteries of complicity in a plot, and finally + exalted his assurances of friendship to the level of protestations of + affection, even of a declaration of love, lighting up for us, and for us + alone, with a secret and languid flame invisible by the great lady upon + his other side, an enamoured pupil in a countenance of ice. + </p> + <p> + Only the day before he had asked my parents to send me to dine with him on + this same Sunday evening. "Come and bear your aged friend company," he had + said to me. "Like the nosegay which a traveller sends us from some land to + which we shall never go again, come and let me breathe from the far + country of your adolescence the scent of those flowers of spring among + which I also used to wander, many years ago. Come with the primrose, with + the canon's beard, with the gold-cup; come with the stone-crop, whereof + are posies made, pledges of love, in the Balzacian flora, come with that + flower of the Resurrection morning, the Easter daisy, come with the + snowballs of the guelder-rose, which begin to embalm with their fragrance + the alleys of your great-aunt's garden ere the last snows of Lent are + melted from its soil. Come with the glorious silken raiment of the lily, + apparel fit for Solomon, and with the many-coloured enamel of the pansies, + but come, above all, with the spring breeze, still cooled by the last + frosts of winter, wafting apart, for the two butterflies' sake, that have + waited outside all morning, the closed portals of the first Jerusalem + rose." + </p> + <p> + The question was raised at home whether, all things considered, I ought + still to be sent to dine with M. Legrandin. But my grandmother refused to + believe that he could have been impolite. + </p> + <p> + "You admit yourself that he appears at church there, quite simply dressed, + and all that; he hardly looks like a man of fashion." She added that; in + any event, even if, at the worst, he had been intentionally rude, it was + far better for us to pretend that we had noticed nothing. And indeed my + father himself, though more annoyed than any of us by the attitude which + Legrandin had adopted, may still have held in reserve a final uncertainty + as to its true meaning. It was like every attitude or action which reveals + a man's deep and hidden character; they bear no relation to what he has + previously said, and we cannot confirm our suspicions by the culprit's + evidence, for he will admit nothing; we are reduced to the evidence of our + own senses, and we ask ourselves, in the face of this detached and + incoherent fragment of recollection, whether indeed our senses have not + been the victims of a hallucination; with the result that such attitudes, + and these alone are of importance in indicating character, are the most + apt to leave us in perplexity. + </p> + <p> + I dined with Legrandin on the terrace of his house, by moonlight. "There + is a charming quality, is there not," he said to me, "in this silence; for + hearts that are wounded, as mine is, a novelist, whom you will read in + time to come, claims that there is no remedy but silence and shadow. And + see you this, my boy, there comes in all lives a time, towards which you + still have far to go, when the weary eyes can endure but one kind of + light, the light which a fine evening like this prepares for us in the + stillroom of darkness, when the ears can listen to no music save what the + moonlight breathes through the flute of silence." + </p> + <p> + I could hear what M. Legrandin was saying; like everything that he said, + it sounded attractive; but I was disturbed by the memory of a lady whom I + had seen recently for the first time; and thinking, now that I knew that + Legrandin was on friendly terms with several of the local aristocracy, + that perhaps she also was among his acquaintance, I summoned up all my + courage and said to him: "Tell me, sir, do you, by any chance, know the + lady—the ladies of Guermantes?" and I felt glad because, in + pronouncing the name, I had secured a sort of power over it, by the mere + act of drawing it up out of my dreams and giving it an objective existence + in the world of spoken things. + </p> + <p> + But, at the sound of the word Guermantes, I saw in the middle of each of + our friend's blue eyes a little brown dimple appear, as though they had + been stabbed by some invisible pin-point, while the rest of his pupils, + reacting from the shock, received and secreted the azure overflow. His + fringed eyelids darkened, and drooped. His mouth, which had been stiffened + and seared with bitter lines, was the first to recover, and smiled, while + his eyes still seemed full of pain, like the eyes of a good-looking martyr + whose body bristles with arrows. + </p> + <p> + "No, I do not know them," he said, but instead of uttering so simple a + piece of information, a reply in which there was so little that could + astonish me, in the natural and conversational tone which would have + befitted it, he recited it with a separate stress upon each word, leaning + forward, bowing his head, with at once the vehemence which a man gives, so + as to be believed, to a highly improbable statement (as though the fact + that he did not know the Guermantes could be due only to some strange + accident of fortune) and with the emphasis of a man who, finding himself + unable to keep silence about what is to him a painful situation, chooses + to proclaim it aloud, so as to convince his hearers that the confession he + is making is one that causes him no embarrassment, but is easy, agreeable, + spontaneous, that the situation in question, in this case the absence of + relations with the Guermantes family, might very well have been not forced + upon, but actually designed by Legrandin himself, might arise from some + family tradition, some moral principle or mystical vow which expressly + forbade his seeking their society. + </p> + <p> + "No," he resumed, explaining by his words the tone in which they were + uttered. "No, I do not know them; I have never wished to know them; I have + always made a point of preserving complete independence; at heart, as you + know, I am a bit of a Radical. People are always coming to me about it, + telling me I am mistaken in not going to Guermantes, that I make myself + seem ill-bred, uncivilised, an old bear. But that's not the sort of + reputation that can frighten me; it's too true! In my heart of hearts I + care for nothing in the world now but a few churches, books—two or + three, pictures—rather more, perhaps, and the light of the moon when + the fresh breeze of youth (such as yours) wafts to my nostrils the scent + of gardens whose flowers my old eyes are not sharp enough, now, to + distinguish." + </p> + <p> + I did not understand very clearly why, in order to refrain from going to + the houses of people whom one did not know, it should be necessary to + cling to one's independence, nor how that could give one the appearance of + a savage or a bear. But what I did understand was this, that Legrandin was + not altogether truthful when he said that he cared only for churches, + moonlight, and youth; he cared also, he cared a very great deal, for + people who lived in country houses, and would be so much afraid, when in + their company, of incurring their displeasure that he would never dare to + let them see that he numbered, as well, among his friends middle-class + people, the families of solicitors and stockbrokers, preferring, if the + truth must be known, that it should be revealed in his absence, when he + was out of earshot, that judgment should go against him (if so it must) by + default: in a word, he was a snob. Of course he would never have admitted + all or any of this in the poetical language which my family and I so much + admired. And if I asked him, "Do you know the Guermantes family?" + Legrandin the talker would reply, "No, I have never cared to know them." + But unfortunately the talker was now subordinated to another Legrandin, + whom he kept carefully hidden in his breast, whom he would never + consciously exhibit, because this other could tell stories about our own + Legrandin and about his snobbishness which would have ruined his + reputation for ever; and this other Legrandin had replied to me already in + that wounded look, that stiffened smile, the undue gravity of his tone in + uttering those few words, in the thousand arrows by which our own + Legrandin had instantaneously been stabbed and sickened, like a Saint + Sebastian of snobbery: + </p> + <p> + "Oh, how you hurt me! No, I do not know the Guermantes family. Do not + remind me of the great sorrow of my life." And since this other, this + irrepressible, dominant, despotic Legrandin, if he lacked our Legrandin's + charming vocabulary, shewed an infinitely greater promptness in expressing + himself, by means of what are called 'reflexes,' it followed that, when + Legrandin the talker attempted to silence him, he would already have + spoken, and it would be useless for our friend to deplore the bad + impression which the revelations of his <i>alter ego</i> must have caused, + since he could do no more now than endeavour to mitigate them. + </p> + <p> + This was not to say that M. Legrandin was anything but sincere when he + inveighed against snobs. He could not (from his own knowledge, at least) + be aware that he was one also, since it is only with the passions of + others that we are ever really familiar, and what we come to find out + about our own can be no more than what other people have shewn us. Upon + ourselves they react but indirectly, through our imagination, which + substitutes for our actual, primary motives other, secondary motives, less + stark and therefore more decent. Never had Legrandin's snobbishness + impelled him to make a habit of visiting a duchess as such. Instead, it + would set his imagination to make that duchess appear, in Legrandin's + eyes, endowed with all the graces. He would be drawn towards the duchess, + assuring himself the while that he was yielding to the attractions of her + mind, and her other virtues, which the vile race of snobs could never + understand. Only his fellow-snobs knew that he was of their number, for, + owing to their inability to appreciate the intervening efforts of his + imagination, they saw in close juxtaposition the social activities of + Legrandin and their primary cause. + </p> + <p> + At home, meanwhile, we had no longer any illusions as to M. Legrandin, and + our relations with him had become much more distant. Mamma would be + greatly delighted whenever she caught him red-handed in the sin, which he + continued to call the unpardonable sin, of snobbery. As for my father, he + found it difficult to take Legrandin's airs in so light, in so detached a + spirit; and when there was some talk, one year, of sending me to spend the + long summer holidays at Balbec with my grandmother, he said: "I must, most + certainly, tell Legrandin that you are going to Balbec, to see whether he + will offer you an introduction to his sister. He probably doesn't remember + telling us that she lived within a mile of the place." + </p> + <p> + My grandmother, who held that, when one went to the seaside, one ought to + be on the beach from morning to night, to taste the salt breezes, and that + one should not know anyone in the place, because calls and parties and + excursions were so much time stolen from what belonged, by rights, to the + sea-air, begged him on no account to speak to Legrandin of our plans; for + already, in her mind's eye, she could see his sister, Mme. de Cambremer, + alighting from her carriage at the door of our hotel just as we were on + the point of going out fishing, and obliging us to remain indoors all + afternoon to entertain her. But Mamma laughed her fears to scorn, for she + herself felt that the danger was not so threatening, and that Legrandin + would shew no undue anxiety to make us acquainted with his sister. And, as + it happened, there was no need for any of us to introduce the subject of + Balbec, for it was Legrandin himself who, without the least suspicion that + we had ever had any intention of visiting those parts, walked into the + trap uninvited one evening, when we met him strolling on the banks of the + Vivonne. + </p> + <p> + "There are tints in the clouds this evening, violets and blues, which are + very beautiful, are they not, my friend?" he said to my father. + "Especially a blue which is far more floral than atmospheric, a cineraria + blue, which it is surprising to see in the sky. And that little pink cloud + there, has it not just the tint of some flower, a carnation or hydrangea? + Nowhere, perhaps, except on the shores of the English Channel, where + Normandy merges into Brittany, have I been able to find such copious + examples of what you might call a vegetable kingdom in the clouds. Down + there, close to Balbec, among all those places which are still so + uncivilised, there is a little bay, charmingly quiet, where the sunsets of + the Auge Valley, those red-and-gold sunsets (which, all the same, I am + very far from despising) seem commonplace and insignificant; for in that + moist and gentle atmosphere these heavenly flower-beds will break into + blossom, in a few moments, in the evenings, incomparably lovely, and often + lasting for hours before they fade. Others shed their leaves at once, and + then it is more beautiful still to see the sky strewn with the scattering + of their innumerable petals, sulphurous yellow and rosy red. In that bay, + which they call the Opal Bay, the golden sands appear more charming still + from being fastened, like fair Andromeda, to those terrible rocks of the + surrounding coast, to that funereal shore, famed for the number of its + wrecks, where every winter many a brave vessel falls a victim to the + perils of the sea. Balbec! the oldest bone in the geological skeleton that + underlies our soil, the true Armor, the sea, the land's end, the accursed + region which Anatole France—an enchanter whose works our young + friend ought to read—has so well depicted, beneath its eternal fogs, + as though it were indeed the land of the Cimmerians in the Odyssey. + Balbec; yes, they are building hotels there now, superimposing them upon + its ancient and charming soil, which they are powerless to alter; how + delightful it is, down there, to be able to step out at once into regions + so primitive and so entrancing." + </p> + <p> + "Indeed! And do you know anyone at Balbec?" inquired my father. "This + young man is just going to spend a couple of months there with his + grandmother, and my wife too, perhaps." + </p> + <p> + Legrandin, taken unawares by the question at a moment when he was looking + directly at my father, was unable to turn aside his gaze, and so + concentrated it with steadily increasing intensity—smiling + mournfully the while—upon the eyes of his questioner, with an air of + friendliness and frankness and of not being afraid to look him in the + face, until he seemed to have penetrated my father's skull, as it had been + a ball of glass, and to be seeing, at the moment, a long way beyond and + behind it, a brightly coloured cloud, which provided him with a mental + alibi, and would enable him to establish the theory that, just when he was + being asked whether he knew anyone at Balbec, he had been thinking of + something else, and so had not heard the question. As a rule these tactics + make the questioner proceed to ask, "Why, what are you thinking about?" + But my father, inquisitive, annoyed, and cruel, repeated: "Have you + friends, then, in that neighbourhood, that you know Balbec so well?" + </p> + <p> + In a final and desperate effort the smiling gaze of Legrandin struggled to + the extreme limits of its tenderness, vagueness, candour, and distraction; + then feeling, no doubt, that there was nothing left for it now but to + answer, he said to us: "I have friends all the world over, wherever there + are companies of trees, stricken but not defeated, which have come + together to offer a common supplication, with pathetic obstinacy, to an + inclement sky which has no mercy upon them." + </p> + <p> + "That is not quite what I meant," interrupted my father, obstinate as a + tree and merciless as the sky. "I asked you, in case anything should + happen to my mother-in-law and she wanted to feel that she was not all + alone down there, at the ends of the earth, whether you knew any of the + people." + </p> + <p> + "There as elsewhere, I know everyone and I know no one," replied + Legrandin, who was by no means ready yet to surrender; "places I know + well, people very slightly. But, down there, the places themselves seem to + me just like people, rare and wonderful people, of a delicate quality + which would have been corrupted and ruined by the gift of life. Perhaps it + is a castle which you encounter upon the cliff's edge; standing there by + the roadside, where it has halted to contemplate its sorrows before an + evening sky, still rosy, through which a golden moon is climbing; while + the fishing-boats, homeward bound, creasing the watered silk of the + Channel, hoist its pennant at their mastheads and carry its colours. Or + perhaps it is a simple dwelling-house that stands alone, ugly, if + anything, timid-seeming but full of romance, hiding from every eye some + imperishable secret of happiness and disenchantment. That land which knows + not truth," he continued with Machiavellian subtlety, "that land of + infinite fiction makes bad reading for any boy; and is certainly not what + I should choose or recommend for my young friend here, who is already so + much inclined to melancholy, for a heart already predisposed to receive + its impressions. Climates that breathe amorous secrets and futile regrets + may agree with an old and disillusioned man like myself; but they must + always prove fatal to a temperament which is still unformed. Believe me," + he went on with emphasis, "the waters of that bay—more Breton than + Norman—may exert a sedative influence, though even that is of + questionable value, upon a heart which, like mine, is no longer unbroken, + a heart for whose wounds there is no longer anything to compensate. But at + your age, my boy, those waters are contra-indicated.... Good night to you, + neighbours," he added, moving away from us with that evasive abruptness to + which we were accustomed; and then, turning towards us, with a physicianly + finger raised in warning, he resumed the consultation: "No Balbec before + you are fifty!" he called out to me, "and even then it must depend on the + state of the heart." + </p> + <p> + My father spoke to him of it again, as often as we met him, and tortured + him with questions, but it was labour in vain: like that scholarly + swindler who devoted to the fabrication of forged palimpsests a wealth of + skill and knowledge and industry the hundredth part of which would have + sufficed to establish him in a more lucrative—but an honourable + occupation, M. Legrandin, had we insisted further, would in the end have + constructed a whole system of ethics, and a celestial geography of Lower + Normandy, sooner than admit to us that, within a mile of Balbec, his own + sister was living in her own house; sooner than find himself obliged to + offer us a letter of introduction, the prospect of which would never have + inspired him with such terror had he been absolutely certain—as, + from his knowledge of my grandmother's character, he really ought to have + been certain—that in no circumstances whatsoever would we have + dreamed of making use of it. + </p> + <p> + * * * + </p> + <p> + We used always to return from our walks in good time to pay aunt Léonie a + visit before dinner. In the first weeks of our Combray holidays, when the + days ended early, we would still be able to see, as we turned into the Rue + du Saint-Esprit, a reflection of the western sky from the windows of the + house and a band of purple at the foot of the Calvary, which was mirrored + further on in the pond; a fiery glow which, accompanied often by a cold + that burned and stung, would associate itself in my mind with the glow of + the fire over which, at that very moment, was roasting the chicken that + was to furnish me, in place of the poetic pleasure I had found in my walk, + with the sensual pleasures of good feeding, warmth and rest. But in + summer, when we came back to the house, the sun would not have set; and + while we were upstairs paying our visit to aunt Léonie its rays, sinking + until they touched and lay along her window-sill, would there be caught + and held by the large inner curtains and the bands which tied them back to + the wall, and split and scattered and filtered; and then, at last, would + fall upon and inlay with tiny flakes of gold the lemonwood of her + chest-of-drawers, illuminating the room in their passage with the same + delicate, slanting, shadowed beams that fall among the boles of forest + trees. But on some days, though very rarely, the chest-of-drawers would + long since have shed its momentary adornments, there would no longer, as + we turned into the Rue du Saint-Esprit, be any reflection from the western + sky burning along the line of window-panes; the pond beneath the Calvary + would have lost its fiery glow, sometimes indeed had changed already to an + opalescent pallor, while a long ribbon of moonlight, bent and broken and + broadened by every ripple upon the water's surface, would be lying across + it, from end to end. Then, as we drew near the house, we would make out a + figure standing upon the doorstep, and Mamma would say to me: "Good + heavens! There is Françoise looking out for us; your aunt must be anxious; + that means we are late." + </p> + <p> + And without wasting time by stopping to take off our 'things' we would fly + upstairs to my aunt Léonie's room to reassure her, to prove to her by our + bodily presence that all her gloomy imaginings were false, that, on the + contrary, nothing had happened to us, but that we had gone the 'Guermantes + way,' and, good lord, when one took that walk, my aunt knew well enough + that one could never say at what time one would be home. + </p> + <p> + "There, Françoise," my aunt would say, "didn't I tell you that they must + have gone the Guermantes way? Good gracious! They must be hungry! And your + nice leg of mutton will be quite dried up now, after all the hours it's + been waiting. What a time to come in! Well, and so you went the Guermantes + way?" + </p> + <p> + "But, Leonie, I supposed you knew," Mamma would answer. "I thought that + Françoise had seen us go out by the little gate, through the + kitchen-garden." + </p> + <p> + For there were, in the environs of Combray, two 'ways' which we used to + take for our walks, and so diametrically opposed that we would actually + leave the house by a different door, according to the way we had chosen: + the way towards Méséglise-la-Vineuse, which we called also 'Swann's way,' + because, to get there, one had to pass along the boundary of M. Swann's + estate, and the 'Guermantes way.' Of Méséglise-la-Vineuse, to tell the + truth, I never knew anything more than the way there, and the strange + people who would come over on Sundays to take the air in Combray, people + whom, this time, neither my aunt nor any of us would 'know at all,' and + whom we would therefore assume to be 'people who must have come over from + Méséglise.' As for Guermantes, I was to know it well enough one day, but + that day had still to come; and, during the whole of my boyhood, if + Méséglise was to me something as inaccessible as the horizon, which + remained hidden from sight, however far one went, by the folds of a + country which no longer bore the least resemblance to the country round + Combray; Guermantes, on the other hand, meant no more than the ultimate + goal, ideal rather than real, of the 'Guermantes way,' a sort of abstract + geographical term like the North Pole or the Equator. And so to 'take the + Guermantes way' in order to get to Méséglise, or vice versa, would have + seemed to me as nonsensical a proceeding as to turn to the east in order + to reach the west. Since my father used always to speak of the 'Méséglise + way' as comprising the finest view of a plain that he knew anywhere, and + of the 'Guermantes way' as typical of river scenery, I had invested each + of them, by conceiving them in this way as two distinct entities, with + that cohesion, that unity which belongs only to the figments of the mind; + the smallest detail of either of them appeared to me as a precious thing, + which exhibited the special excellence of the whole, while, immediately + beside them, in the first stages of our walk, before we had reached the + sacred soil of one or the other, the purely material roads, at definite + points on which they were set down as the ideal view over a plain and the + ideal scenery of a river, were no more worth the trouble of looking at + them than, to a keen playgoer and lover of dramatic art, are the little + streets which may happen to run past the walls of a theatre. But, above + all, I set between them, far more distinctly than the mere distance in + miles and yards and inches which separated one from the other, the + distance that there was between the two parts of my brain in which I used + to think of them, one of those distances of the mind which time serves + only to lengthen, which separate things irremediably from one another, + keeping them for ever upon different planes. And this distinction was + rendered still more absolute because the habit we had of never going both + ways on the same day, or in the course of the same walk, but the + 'Méséglise way' one time and the 'Guermantes way' another, shut them up, + so to speak, far apart and unaware of each other's existence, in the + sealed vessels—between which there could be no communication—of + separate afternoons. + </p> + <p> + When we had decided to go the 'Méséglise way' we would start (without + undue haste, and even if the sky were clouded over, since the walk was not + very long, and did not take us too far from home), as though we were not + going anywhere in particular, by the front-door of my aunt's house, which + opened on to the Rue du Saint-Esprit. We would be greeted by the gunsmith, + we would drop our letters into the box, we would tell Théodore, from + Françoise, as we passed, that she had run out of oil or coffee, and we + would leave the town by the road which ran along the white fence of M. + Swann's park. Before reaching it we would be met on our way by the scent + of his lilac-trees, come out to welcome strangers. Out of the fresh little + green hearts of their foliage the lilacs raised inquisitively over the + fence of the park their plumes of white or purple blossom, which glowed, + even in the shade, with the sunlight in which they had been bathed. Some + of them, half-concealed by the little tiled house, called the Archers' + Lodge, in which Swann's keeper lived, overtopped its gothic gable with + their rosy minaret. The nymphs of spring would have seemed coarse and + vulgar in comparison with these young houris, who retained, in this French + garden, the pure and vivid colouring of a Persian miniature. Despite my + desire to throw my arms about their pliant forms and to draw down towards + me the starry locks that crowned their fragrant heads, we would pass them + by without stopping, for my parents had ceased to visit Tansonville since + Swann's marriage, and, so as not to appear to be looking into his park, we + would, instead of taking the road which ran beside its boundary and then + climbed straight up to the open fields, choose another way, which led in + the same direction, but circuitously, and brought us out rather too far + from home. + </p> + <p> + One day my grandfather said to my 'father: "Don't you remember Swann's + telling us yesterday that his wife and daughter had gone off to Rheims and + that he was taking the opportunity of spending a day or two in Paris? We + might go along by the park, since the ladies are not at home; that will + make it a little shorter." + </p> + <p> + We stopped for a moment by the fence. Lilac-time was nearly over; some of + the trees still thrust aloft, in tall purple chandeliers, their tiny balls + of blossom, but in many places among their foliage where, only a week + before, they had still been breaking in waves of fragrant foam, these were + now spent and shrivelled and discoloured, a hollow scum, dry and + scentless. My grandfather pointed out to my father in what respects the + appearance of the place was still the same, and how far it had altered + since the walk that he had taken with old M. Swann, on the day of his + wife's death; and he seized the opportunity to tell us, once again, the + story of that walk. + </p> + <p> + In front of us a path bordered with nasturtiums rose in the full glare of + the sun towards the house. But to our right the park stretched away into + the distance, on level ground. Overshadowed by the tall trees which stood + close around it, an 'ornamental water' had been constructed by Swann's + parents but, even in his most artificial creations, nature is the material + upon which man has to work; certain spots will persist in remaining + surrounded by the vassals of their own especial sovereignty, and will + raise their immemorial standards among all the 'laid-out' scenery of a + park, just as they would have done far from any human interference, in a + solitude which must everywhere return to engulf them, springing up out of + the necessities of their exposed position, and superimposing itself upon + the work of man's hands. And so it was that, at the foot of the path which + led down to this artificial lake, there might be seen, in its two tiers + woven of trailing forget-me-nots below and of periwinkle flowers above, + the natural, delicate, blue garland which binds the luminous, shadowed + brows of water-nymphs; while the iris, its swords sweeping every way in + regal profusion, stretched out over agrimony and water-growing king-cups + the lilied sceptres, tattered glories of yellow and purple, of the kingdom + of the lake. + </p> + <p> + The absence of Mlle. Swann, which—since it preserved me from the + terrible risk of seeing her appear on one of the paths, and of being + identified and scorned by this so privileged little girl who had Bergotte + for a friend and used to go with him to visit cathedrals—made the + exploration of Tansonville, now for the first time permitted me, a matter + of indifference to myself, seemed however to invest the property, in my + grandfather's and father's eyes, with a fresh and transient charm, and + (like an entirely cloudless sky when one is going mountaineering) to make + the day extraordinarily propitious for a walk in this direction; I should + have liked to see their reckoning proved false, to see, by a miracle, + Mlle. Swann appear, with her father, so close to us that we should not + have time to escape, and should therefore be obliged to make her + acquaintance. And so, when I suddenly noticed a straw basket lying + forgotten on the grass by the side of a line whose float was bobbing in + the water, I made a great effort to keep my father and grandfather looking + in another direction, away from this sign that she might, after all, be in + residence. Still, as Swann had told us that he ought not, really, to go + away just then, as he had some people staying in the house, the line might + equally belong to one of these guests. Not a footstep was to be heard on + any of the paths. Somewhere in one of the tall trees, making a stage in + its height, an invisible bird, desperately attempting to make the day seem + shorter, was exploring with a long, continuous note the solitude that + pressed it on every side, but it received at once so unanimous an answer, + so powerful a repercussion of silence and of immobility that, one would + have said, it had arrested for all eternity the moment which it had been + trying to make pass more quickly. The sunlight fell so implacably from a + fixed sky that one was naturally inclined to slip away out of the reach of + its attentions, and even the slumbering water, whose repose was + perpetually being invaded by the insects that swarmed above its surface, + while it dreamed, no doubt, of some imaginary maelstrom, intensified the + uneasiness which the sight of that floating cork had wrought in me, by + appearing to draw it at full speed across the silent reaches of a mirrored + firmament; now almost vertical, it seemed on the point of plunging down + out of sight, and I had begun to ask myself whether, setting aside the + longing and the terror that I had of making her acquaintance, it was not + actually my duty to warn Mlle. Swann that the fish was biting—when I + was obliged to run after my father and grandfather, who were calling me, + and were surprised that I had not followed them along the little path, + climbing up hill towards the open fields, into which they had already + turned. I found the whole path throbbing with the fragrance of + hawthorn-blossom. The hedge resembled a series of chapels, whose walls + were no longer visible under the mountains of flowers that were heaped + upon their altars; while underneath, the sun cast a square of light upon + the ground, as though it had shone in upon them through a window; the + scent that swept out over me from them was as rich, and as circumscribed + in its range, as though I had been standing before the Lady-altar, and the + flowers, themselves adorned also, held out each its little bunch of + glittering stamens with an air of inattention, fine, radiating 'nerves' in + the flamboyant style of architecture, like those which, in church, framed + the stair to the rood-loft or closed the perpendicular tracery of the + windows, but here spread out into pools of fleshy white, like + strawberry-beds in spring. How simple and rustic, in comparison with + these, would seem the dog-roses which, in a few weeks' time, would be + climbing the same hillside path in the heat of the sun, dressed in the + smooth silk of their blushing pink bodices, which would be undone and + scattered by the first breath of wind. + </p> + <p> + But it was in vain that I lingered before the hawthorns, to breathe in, to + marshal before my mind (which knew not what to make of it), to lose in + order to rediscover their invisible and unchanging odour, to absorb myself + in the rhythm which disposed their flowers here and there with the + light-heartedness of youth, and at intervals as unexpected as certain + intervals of music; they offered me an indefinite continuation of the same + charm, in an inexhaustible profusion, but without letting me delve into it + any more deeply, like those melodies which one can play over a hundred + times in succession without coming any nearer to their secret. I turned + away from them for a moment so as to be able to return to them with + renewed strength. My eyes followed up the slope which, outside the hedge, + rose steeply to the fields, a poppy that had strayed and been lost by its + fellows, or a few cornflowers that had fallen lazily behind, and decorated + the ground here and there with their flowers like the border of a + tapestry, in which may be seen at intervals hints of the rustic theme + which appears triumphant in the panel itself; infrequent still, spaced + apart as the scattered houses which warn us that we are approaching a + village, they betokened to me the vast expanse of waving corn beneath the + fleecy clouds, and the sight of a single poppy hoisting upon its slender + rigging and holding against the breeze its scarlet ensign, over the buoy + of rich black earth from which it sprang, made my heart beat as does a + wayfarer's when he perceives, upon some low-lying ground, an old and + broken boat which is being caulked and made seaworthy, and cries out, + although he has not yet caught sight of it, "The Sea!" + </p> + <p> + And then I returned to my hawthorns, and stood before them as one stands + before those masterpieces of painting which, one imagines, one will be + better able to 'take in' when one has looked away, for a moment, at + something else; but in vain did I shape my fingers into a frame, so as to + have nothing but the hawthorns before my eyes; the sentiment which they + aroused in me remained obscure and vague, struggling and failing to free + itself, to float across and become one with the flowers. They themselves + offered me no enlightenment, and I could not call upon any other flowers + to satisfy this mysterious longing. And then, inspiring me with that + rapture which we feel on seeing a work by our favourite painter quite + different from any of those that we already know, or, better still, when + some one has taken us and set us down in front of a picture of which we + have hitherto seen no more than a pencilled sketch, or when a piece of + music which we have heard played over on the piano bursts out again in our + ears with all the splendour and fullness of an orchestra, my grandfather + called me to him, and, pointing to the hedge of Tansonville, said: "You + are fond of hawthorns; just look at this pink one; isn't it pretty?" + </p> + <p> + And it was indeed a hawthorn, but one whose flowers were pink, and + lovelier even than the white. It, too, was in holiday attire, for one of + those days which are the only true holidays, the holy days of religion, + because they are not appointed by any capricious accident, as secular + holidays are appointed, upon days which are not specially ordained for + such observances, which have nothing about them that is essentially festal—but + it was attired even more richly than the rest, for the flowers which clung + to its branches, one above another, so thickly as to leave no part of the + tree undecorated, like the tassels wreathed about the crook of a rococo + shepherdess, were every one of them 'in colour,' and consequently of a + superior quality, by the aesthetic standards of Combray, to the 'plain,' + if one was to judge by the scale of prices at the 'stores' in the Square, + or at Camus's, where the most expensive biscuits were those whose sugar + was pink. And for my own part I set a higher value on cream cheese when it + was pink, when I had been allowed to tinge it with crushed strawberries. + And these flowers had chosen precisely the colour of some edible and + delicious thing, or of some exquisite addition to one's costume for a + great festival, which colours, inasmuch as they make plain the reason for + their superiority, are those whose beauty is most evident to the eyes of + children, and for that reason must always seem more vivid and more natural + than any other tints, even after the child's mind has realised that they + offer no gratification to the appetite, and have not been selected by the + dressmaker. And, indeed, I had felt at once, as I had felt before the + white blossom, but now still more marvelling, that it was in no artificial + manner, by no device of human construction, that the festal intention of + these flowers was revealed, but that it was Nature herself who had + spontaneously expressed it (with the simplicity of a woman from a village + shop, labouring at the decoration of a street altar for some procession) + by burying the bush in these little rosettes, almost too ravishing in + colour, this rustic 'pompadour.' High up on the branches, like so many of + those tiny rose-trees, their pots concealed in jackets of paper lace, + whose slender stems rise in a forest from the altar on the greater + festivals, a thousand buds were swelling and opening, paler in colour, but + each disclosing as it burst, as at the bottom of a cup of pink marble, its + blood-red stain, and suggesting even more strongly than the full-blown + flowers the special, irresistible quality of the hawthorn-tree, which, + wherever it budded, wherever it was about to blossom, could bud and + blossom in pink flowers alone. Taking its place in the hedge, but as + different from the rest as a young girl in holiday attire among a crowd of + dowdy women in everyday clothes, who are staying at home, equipped and + ready for the 'Month of Mary,' of which it seemed already to form a part, + it shone and smiled in its cool, rosy garments, a Catholic bush indeed, + and altogether delightful. + </p> + <p> + The hedge allowed us a glimpse, inside the park, of an alley bordered with + jasmine, pansies, and verbenas, among which the stocks held open their + fresh plump purses, of a pink as fragrant and as faded as old Spanish + leather, while on the gravel-path a long watering-pipe, painted green, + coiling across the ground, poured, where its holes were, over the flowers + whose perfume those holes inhaled, a vertical and prismatic fan of + infinitesimal, rainbow-coloured drops. Suddenly I stood still, unable to + move, as happens when something appears that requires not only our eyes to + take it in, but involves a deeper kind of perception and takes possession + of the whole of our being. A little girl, with fair, reddish hair, who + appeared to be returning from a walk, and held a trowel in her hand, was + looking at us, raising towards us a face powdered with pinkish freckles. + Her black eyes gleamed, and as I did not at that time know, and indeed + have never since learned how to reduce to its objective elements any + strong impression, since I had not, as they say, enough 'power of + observation' to isolate the sense of their colour, for a long time + afterwards, whenever I thought of her, the memory of those bright eyes + would at once present itself to me as a vivid azure, since her complexion + was fair; so much so that, perhaps, if her eyes had not been quite so + black—which was what struck one most forcibly on first meeting her—I + should not have been, as I was, especially enamoured of their imagined + blue. + </p> + <p> + I gazed at her, at first with that gaze which is not merely a messenger + from the eyes, but in whose window all the senses assemble and lean out, + petrified and anxious, that gaze which would fain reach, touch, capture, + bear off in triumph the body at which it is aimed, and the soul with the + body; then (so frightened was I lest at any moment my grandfather and + father, catching sight of the girl, might tear me away from her, by making + me run on in front of them) with another, an unconsciously appealing look, + whose object was to force her to pay attention to me, to see, to know me. + She cast a glance forwards and sideways, so as to take stock of my + grandfather and father, and doubtless the impression she formed of them + was that we were all absurd people, for she turned away with an + indifferent and contemptuous air, withdrew herself so as to spare her face + the indignity of remaining within their field of vision; and while they, + continuing to walk on without noticing her, had overtaken and passed me, + she allowed her eyes to wander, over the space that lay between us, in my + direction, without any particular expression, without appearing to have + seen me, but with an intensity, a half-hidden smile which I was unable to + interpret, according to the instruction I had received in the ways of good + breeding, save as a mark of infinite disgust; and her hand, at the same + time, sketched in the air an indelicate gesture, for which, when it was + addressed in public to a person whom one did not know, the little + dictionary of manners which I carried in my mind supplied only one + meaning, namely, a deliberate insult. + </p> + <p> + "Gilberte, come along; what are you doing?" called out in a piercing tone + of authority a lady in white, whom I had not seen until that moment, + while, a little way beyond her, a gentleman in a suit of linen 'ducks,' + whom I did not know either, stared at me with eyes which seemed to be + starting from his head; the little girl's smile abruptly faded, and, + seizing her trowel, she made off without turning to look again in my + direction, with an air of obedience, inscrutable and sly. + </p> + <p> + And so was wafted to my ears the name of Gilberte, bestowed on me like a + talisman which might, perhaps, enable me some day to rediscover her whom + its syllables had just endowed with a definite personality, whereas, a + moment earlier, she had been only something vaguely seen. So it came to + me, uttered across the heads of the stocks and jasmines, pungent and cool + as the drops which fell from the green watering-pipe; impregnating and + irradiating the zone of pure air through which it had passed, which it set + apart and isolated from all other air, with the mystery of the life of her + whom its syllables designated to the happy creatures that lived and walked + and travelled in her company; unfolding through the arch of the pink + hawthorn, which opened at the height of my shoulder, the quintessence of + their familiarity—so exquisitely painful to myself—with her, + and with all that unknown world of her existence, into which I should + never penetrate. + </p> + <p> + For a moment (while we moved away, and my grandfather murmured: "Poor + Swann, what a life they are leading him; fancy sending him away so that + she can be left alone with her Charlus—for that was Charlus: I + recognised him at once! And the child, too; at her age, to be mixed up in + all that!") the impression left on me by the despotic tone in which + Gilberte's mother had spoken to her, without her replying, by exhibiting + her to me as being obliged to yield obedience to some one else, as not + being indeed superior to the whole world, calmed my sufferings somewhat, + revived some hope in me, and cooled the ardour of my love. But very soon + that love surged up again in me like a reaction by which my humiliated + heart was endeavouring to rise to Gilberte's level, or to draw her down to + its own. I loved her; I was sorry not to have had the time and the + inspiration to insult her, to do her some injury, to force her to keep + some memory of me. I knew her to be so beautiful that I should have liked + to be able to retrace my steps so as to shake my fist at her and shout, "I + think you are hideous, grotesque; you are utterly disgusting!" However, I + walked away, carrying with me, then and for ever afterwards, as the first + illustration of a type of happiness rendered inaccessible to a little boy + of my kind by certain laws of nature which it was impossible to + transgress, the picture of a little girl with reddish hair, and a skin + freckled with tiny pink marks, who held a trowel in her hand, and smiled + as she directed towards me a long and subtle and inexpressive stare. And + already the charm with which her name, like a cloud of incense, had filled + that archway in the pink hawthorn through which she and I had, together, + heard its sound, was beginning to conquer, to cover, to embalm, to + beautify everything with which it had any association: her grandparents, + whom my own had been so unspeakably fortunate as to know, the glorious + profession of a stockholder, even the melancholy neighbourhood of the + Champs-Elysées, where she lived in Paris. + </p> + <p> + "Léonie," said my grandfather on our return, "I wish we had had you with + us this afternoon. You would never have known Tansonville. If I had had + the courage I would have cut you a branch of that pink hawthorn you used + to like so much." And so my grandfather told her the story of our walk, + either just to amuse her, or perhaps because there was still some hope + that she might be stimulated to rise from her bed and to go out of doors. + For in earlier days she had been very fond of Tansonville, and, moreover, + Swann's visits had been the last that she had continued to receive, at a + time when she had already closed her doors to all the world. And just as, + when he called, in these later days, to inquire for her (and she was still + the only person in our household whom he would ask to see), she would send + down to say that she was tired at the moment and resting, but that she + would be happy to see him another time, so, this evening, she said to my + grandfather, "Yes, some day when the weather is fine I shall go for a + drive as far as the gate of the park." And in saying this she was quite + sincere. She would have liked to see Swann and Tansonville again; but the + mere wish to do so sufficed for all that remained of her strength, which + its fulfilment would have more than exhausted. Sometimes a spell of fine + weather made her a little more energetic, she would rise and put on her + clothes; but before she had reached the outer room she would be 'tired' + again, and would insist on returning to her bed. The process which had + begun in her—and in her a little earlier only than it must come to + all of us—was the great and general renunciation which old age makes + in preparation for death, the chrysalis stage of life, which may be + observed wherever life has been unduly prolonged; even in old lovers who + have lived for one another with the utmost intensity of passion, and in + old friends bound by the closest ties of mental sympathy, who, after a + certain year, cease to make the necessary journey, or even to cross the + street to see one another, cease to correspond, and know well that they + will communicate no more in this world. My aunt must have been perfectly + well aware that she would not see Swann again, that she would never leave + her own house any more, but this ultimate seclusion seemed to be accepted + by her with all the more readiness for the very reason which, to our + minds, ought to have made it more unbearable; namely, that such a + seclusion was forced upon her by the gradual and steady diminution in her + strength which she was able to measure daily, which, by making every + action, every movement 'tiring' to her if not actually painful, gave to + inaction, isolation and silence the blessed, strengthening and refreshing + charm of repose. + </p> + <p> + My aunt did not go to see the pink hawthorn in the hedge, but at all hours + of the day I would ask the rest of my family whether she was not going to + go, whether she used not, at one time, to go often to Tansonville, trying + to make them speak of Mlle. Swann's parents and grandparents, who appeared + to me to be as great and glorious as gods. The name, which had for me + become almost mythological, of Swann—when I talked with my family I + would grow sick with longing to hear them utter it; I dared not pronounce + it myself, but I would draw them into a discussion of matters which led + naturally to Gilberte and her family, in which she was involved, in + speaking of which I would feel myself not too remotely banished from her + company; and I would suddenly force my father (by pretending, for + instance, to believe that my grandfather's business had been in our family + before his day, or that the hedge with the pink hawthorn which my aunt + Léonie wished to visit was on common ground) to correct my statements, to + say, as though in opposition to me and of his own accord: "No, no, the + business belonged to <i>Swann's</i> father, that hedge is part of <i>Swann's</i> + park." And then I would be obliged to pause for breath; so stifling was + the pressure, upon that part of me where it was for ever inscribed, of + that name which, at the moment when I heard it, seemed to me fuller, more + portentous than any other name, because it was burdened with the weight of + all the occasions on which I had secretly uttered it in my mind. It caused + me a pleasure which I was ashamed to have dared to demand from my parents, + for so great was it that to have procured it for me must have involved + them in an immensity of effort, and with no recompense, since for them + there was no pleasure in the sound. And so I would prudently turn the + conversation. And by a scruple of conscience, also. All the singular + seductions which I had stored up in the sound of that word Swann, I found + again as soon as it was uttered. And then it occurred to me suddenly that + my parents could not fail to experience the same emotions, that they must + find themselves sharing my point of view, that they perceived in their + turn, that they condoned, that they even embraced my visionary longings, + and I was as wretched as though I had ravished and corrupted the innocence + of their hearts. + </p> + <p> + That year my family fixed the day of their return to Paris rather earlier + than usual. On the morning of our departure I had had my hair curled, to + be ready to face the photographer, had had a new hat carefully set upon my + head, and had been buttoned into a velvet jacket; a little later my + mother, after searching everywhere for me, found me standing in tears on + that steep little hillside close to Tansonville, bidding a long farewell + to my hawthorns, clasping their sharp branches to my bosom, and (like a + princess in a tragedy, oppressed by the weight of all her senseless + jewellery) with no gratitude towards the officious hand which had, in + curling those ringlets, been at pains to collect all my hair upon my + forehead; trampling underfoot the curl-papers which I had torn from my + head, and my new hat with them. My mother was not at all moved by my + tears, but she could not suppress a cry at the sight of my battered + headgear and my ruined jacket. I did not, however, hear her. "Oh, my poor + little hawthorns," I was assuring them through my sobs, "it is not you + that want to make me unhappy, to force me to leave you. You, you have + never done me any harm. So I shall always love you." And, drying my eyes, + I promised them that, when I grew up, I would never copy the foolish + example of other men, but that even in Paris, on fine spring days, instead + of paying calls and listening to silly talk, I would make excursions into + the country to see the first hawthorn-trees in bloom. + </p> + <p> + Once in the fields we never left them again during the rest of our + Méséglise walk. They were perpetually crossed, as though by invisible + streams of traffic, by the wind, which was to me the tutelary genius of + Combray. Every year, on the day of our arrival, in order to feel that I + really was at Combray, I would climb the hill to find it running again + through my clothing, and setting me running in its wake. One always had + the wind for companion when one went the 'Méséglise way,' on that swelling + plain which stretched, mile beyond mile, without any disturbance of its + gentle contour. I knew that Mlle. Swann used often to go and spend a few + days at Laon, and, for all that it was many miles away, the distance was + obviated by the absence of any intervening obstacle; when, on hot + afternoons, I would see a breath of wind emerge from the farthest horizon, + bowing the heads of the corn in distant fields, pouring like a flood over + all that vast expanse, and finally settling down, warm and rustling, among + the clover and sainfoin at my feet, that plain which was common to us both + seemed then to draw us together, to unite us; I would imagine that the + same breath had passed by her also, that there was some message from her + in what it was whispering to me, without my being able to understand it, + and I would catch and kiss it as it passed. On my left was a village + called Champieu (<i>Campus Pagani</i>, according to the Curé). On my right + I could see across the cornfields the two crocketed, rustic spires of + Saint-André-des-Champs, themselves as tapering, scaly, plated, + honeycombed, yellowed, and roughened as two ears of wheat. + </p> + <p> + At regular intervals, among the inimitable ornamentation of their leaves, + which can be mistaken for those of no other fruit-tree, the apple-trees + were exposing their broad petals of white satin, or hanging in shy bunches + their unopened, blushing buds. It was while going the 'Méséglise way' that + I first noticed the circular shadow which apple-trees cast upon the sunlit + ground, and also those impalpable threads of golden silk which the setting + sun weaves slantingly downwards from beneath their leaves, and which I + would see my father slash through with his stick without ever making them + swerve from their straight path. + </p> + <p> + Sometimes in the afternoon sky a white moon would creep up like a little + cloud, furtive, without display, suggesting an actress who does not have + to 'come on' for a while, and so goes 'in front' in her ordinary clothes + to watch the rest of the company for a moment, but keeps in the + background, not wishing to attract attention to herself. I was glad to + find her image reproduced in books and paintings, though these works of + art were very different—at least in my earlier years, before Bloch + had attuned my eyes and mind to more subtle harmonies—from those in + which the moon seems fair to me to-day, but in which I should not have + recognised her then. It might be, for instance, some novel by Saintine, + some landscape by Gleyre, in which she is cut out sharply against the sky, + in the form of a silver sickle, some work as unsophisticated and as + incomplete as were, at that date, my own impressions, and which it enraged + my grandmother's sisters to see me admire. They held that one ought to set + before children, and that children shewed their own innate good taste in + admiring, only such books and pictures as they would continue to admire + when their minds were developed and mature. No doubt they regarded + aesthetic values as material objects which an unclouded vision could not + fail to discern, without needing to have their equivalent in experience of + life stored up and slowly ripening in one's heart. + </p> + <p> + It was along the 'Méséglise way,' at Montjouvain, a house built on the + edge of a large pond, and overlooked by a steep, shrub-grown hill, that M. + Vinteuil lived. And so we used often to meet his daughter driving her + dogcart at full speed along the road. After a certain year we never saw + her alone, but always accompanied by a friend, a girl older than herself, + with an evil reputation in the neighbourhood, who in the end installed + herself permanently, one day, at Montjouvain. People said: "That poor M. + Vinteuil must be blinded by love not to see what everyone is talking + about, and to let his daughter—a man who is horrified if you use a + word in the wrong sense—bring a woman like that to live under his + roof. He says that she is a most superior woman, with a heart of gold, and + that she would have shewn extraordinary musical talent if she had only + been trained. He may be sure it is not music that she is teaching his + daughter." But M. Vinteuil assured them that it was, and indeed it is + remarkable that people never fail to arouse admiration of their normal + qualities in the relatives of anyone with whom they are in physical + intercourse. Bodily passion, which has been so unjustly decried, compels + its victims to display every vestige that is in them of unselfishness and + generosity, and so effectively that they shine resplendent in the eyes of + all beholders. Dr. Percepied, whose loud voice and bushy eyebrows enabled + him to play to his heart's content the part of 'double-dealer,' a part to + which he was not, otherwise, adapted, without in the least degree + compromising his unassailable and quite unmerited reputation of being a + kind-hearted old curmudgeon, could make the Curé and everyone else laugh + until they cried by saying in a harsh voice: "What d'ye say to this, now? + It seems that she plays music with her friend, Mlle. Vinteuil. That + surprises you, does it? Oh, I know nothing, nothing at all. It was Papa + Vinteuil who told me all about it yesterday. After all, she has every + right to be fond of music, that girl. I should never dream of thwarting + the artistic vocation of a child; nor Vinteuil either, it seems. And then + he plays music too, with his daughter's friend. Why, gracious heavens, it + must be a regular musical box, that house out there! What are you laughing + at? I say they've been playing too much music, those people. I met Papa + Vinteuil the other day, by the cemetery. It was all he could do to keep on + his feet." + </p> + <p> + Anyone who, like ourselves, had seen M. Vinteuil, about this time, + avoiding people whom he knew, and turning away as soon as he caught sight + of them, changed in a few months into an old man, engulfed in a sea of + sorrows, incapable of any effort not directly aimed at promoting his + daughter's happiness, spending whole days beside his wife's grave, could + hardly have failed to realise that he was gradually dying of a broken + heart, could hardly have supposed that he paid no attention to the rumours + which were going about. He knew, perhaps he even believed, what his + neighbours were saying. There is probably no one, however rigid his + virtue, who is not liable to find himself, by the complexity of + circumstances, living at close quarters with the very vice which he + himself has been most outspoken in condemning, without at first + recognising it beneath the disguise which it assumes on entering his + presence, so as to wound him and to make him suffer; the odd words, the + unaccountable attitude, one evening, of a person whom he has a thousand + reasons for loving. But for a man of M. Vinteuil's sensibility it must + have been far more painful than for a hardened man of the world to have to + resign himself to one of those situations which are wrongly supposed to + occur in Bohemian circles only; for they are produced whenever there needs + to establish itself in the security necessary to its development a vice + which Nature herself has planted in the soul of a child, perhaps by no + more than blending the virtues of its father and mother, as she might + blend the colours of their eyes. And yet however much M. Vinteuil may have + known of his daughter's conduct it did not follow that his adoration of + her grew any less. The facts of life do not penetrate to the sphere in + which our beliefs are cherished; as it was not they that engendered those + beliefs, so they are powerless to destroy them; they can aim at them + continual blows of contradiction and disproof without weakening them; and + an avalanche of miseries and maladies coming, one after another, without + interruption into the bosom of a family, will not make it lose faith in + either the clemency of its God or the capacity of its physician. But when + M. Vinteuil regarded his daughter and himself from the point of view of + the world, and of their reputation, when he attempted to place himself by + her side in the rank which they occupied in the general estimation of + their neighbours, then he was bound to give judgment, to utter his own and + her social condemnation in precisely the terms which the inhabitant of + Combray most hostile to him and his daughter would have employed; he saw + himself and her in 'low,' in the very 'lowest water,' inextricably + stranded; and his manners had of late been tinged with that humility, that + respect for persons who ranked above him and to whom he must now look up + (however far beneath him they might hitherto have been), that tendency to + search for some means of rising again to their level, which is an almost + mechanical result of any human misfortune. + </p> + <p> + One day, when we were walking with Swann in one of the streets of Combray, + M. Vinteuil, turning out of another street, found himself so suddenly face + to face with us all that he had not time to escape; and Swann, with that + almost arrogant charity of a man of the world who, amid the dissolution of + all his own moral prejudices, finds in another's shame merely a reason for + treating him with a friendly benevolence, the outward signs of which serve + to enhance and gratify the self-esteem of the bestower because he feels + that they are all the more precious to him upon whom they are bestowed, + conversed at great length with M. Vinteuil, with whom for a long time he + had been barely on speaking terms, and invited him, before leaving us, to + send his daughter over, one day, to play at Tansonville. It was an + invitation which, two years earlier, would have enraged M. Vinteuil, but + which now filled him with so much gratitude that he felt himself obliged + to refrain from the indiscretion of accepting. Swann's friendly regard for + his daughter seemed to him to be in itself so honourable, so precious a + support for his cause that he felt it would perhaps be better to make no + use of it, so as to have the wholly Platonic satisfaction of keeping it in + reserve. + </p> + <p> + "What a charming man!" he said to us, after Swann had gone, with the same + enthusiasm and veneration which make clever and pretty women of the middle + classes fall victims to the physical and intellectual charms of a duchess, + even though she be ugly and a fool. "What a charming man! What a pity that + he should have made such a deplorable marriage!" + </p> + <p> + And then, so strong an element of hypocrisy is there in even the most + sincere of men, who cast off, while they are talking to anyone, the + opinion they actually hold of him and will express when he is no longer + there, my family joined with M. Vinteuil in deploring Swann's marriage, + invoking principles and conventions which (all the more because they + invoked them in common with him, as though we were all thorough good + fellows of the same sort) they appeared to suggest were in no way + infringed at Montjouvain. M. Vinteuil did not send his daughter to visit + Swann, an omission which Swann was the first to regret. For constantly, + after meeting M. Vinteuil, he would remember that he had been meaning for + a long time to ask him about some one of the same name as himself, one of + his relatives, Swann supposed. And on this occasion he determined that he + would not forget what he had to say to him when M. Vinteuil should appear + with his daughter at Tansonville. + </p> + <p> + Since the 'Méséglise way' was the shorter of the two that we used to take + for our walks round Combray, and for that reason was reserved for days of + uncertain weather, it followed that the climate of Méséglise shewed an + unduly high rainfall, and we would never lose sight of the fringe of + Roussainville wood, so that we could, at any moment, run for shelter + beneath its dense thatch of leaves. + </p> + <p> + Often the sun would disappear behind a cloud, which impinged on its + roundness, but whose edge the sun gilded in return. The brightness, though + not the light of day, would then be shut off from a landscape in which all + life appeared to be suspended, while the little village of Roussainville + carved in relief upon the sky the white mass of its gables, with a + startling precision of detail. A gust of wind blew from its perch a rook, + which floated away and settled in the distance, while beneath a paling sky + the woods on the horizon assumed a deeper tone of blue, as though they + were painted in one of those cameos which you still find decorating the + walls of old houses. + </p> + <p> + But on other days would begin to fall the rain, of which we had had due + warning from the little barometer-figure which the spectacle-maker hung + out in his doorway. Its drops, like migrating birds which fly off in a + body at a given moment, would come down out of the sky in close marching + order. They would never drift apart, would make no movement at random in + their rapid course, but each one, keeping in its place, would draw after + it the drop which was following, and the sky would be as greatly darkened + as by the swallows flying south. We would take refuge among the trees. And + when it seemed that their flight was accomplished, a few last drops, + feebler and slower than the rest, would still come down. But we would + emerge from our shelter, for the rain was playing a game, now, among the + branches, and, even when it was almost dry again underfoot, a stray drop + or two, lingering in the hollow of a leaf, would run down and hang + glistening from the point of it until suddenly it splashed plump upon our + upturned faces from the whole height of the tree. + </p> + <p> + Often, too, we would hurry for shelter, tumbling in among all its stony + saints and patriarchs, into the porch of Saint-André-des-Champs. How + typically French that church was! Over its door the saints, the kings of + chivalry with lilies in their hands, the wedding scenes and funerals were + carved as they might have been in the mind of Françoise. The sculptor had + also recorded certain anecdotes of Aristotle and Virgil, precisely as + Françoise in her kitchen would break into speech about Saint Louis as + though she herself had known him, generally in order to depreciate, by + contrast with him, my grandparents, whom she considered less 'righteous.' + One could see that the ideas which the mediaeval artist and the mediaeval + peasant (who had survived to cook for us in the nineteenth century) had of + classical and of early Christian history, ideas whose inaccuracy was + atoned for by their honest simplicity, were derived not from books, but + from a tradition at once ancient and direct, unbroken, oral, degraded, + unrecognisable, and alive. Another Combray person whom I could discern + also, potential and typified, in the gothic sculptures of + Saint-André-des-Champs was young Théodore, the assistant in Camus's shop. + And, indeed, Françoise herself was well aware that she had in him a + countryman and contemporary, for when my aunt was too ill for Françoise to + be able, unaided, to lift her in her bed or to carry her to her chair, + rather than let the kitchen-maid come upstairs and, perhaps, 'make an + impression' on my aunt, she would send out for Théodore. And this lad, who + was regarded, and quite rightly, in the town as a 'bad character,' was so + abounding in that spirit which had served to decorate the porch of + Saint-André-des-Champs, and particularly in the feelings of respect due, + in Françoise eyes, to all 'poor invalids,' and, above all, to her own + 'poor mistress,' that he had, when he bent down to raise my aunt's head + from her pillow, the same air of préraphaélite simplicity and zeal which + the little angels in the bas-reliefs wear, who throng, with tapers in + their hands, about the deathbed of Our Lady, as though those carved faces + of stone, naked and grey like trees in winter, were, like them, asleep + only, storing up life and waiting to flower again in countless plebeian + faces, reverend and cunning as the face of Théodore, and glowing with the + ruddy brilliance of ripe apples. + </p> + <p> + There, too, not fastened to the wall like the little angels, but detached + from the porch, of more than human stature, erect upon her pedestal as + upon a footstool, which had been placed there to save her feet from + contact with the wet ground, stood a saint with the full cheeks, the firm + breasts which swelled out inside her draperies like a cluster of ripe + grapes inside a bag, the narrow forehead, short and stubborn nose, + deep-set eyes, and strong, thick-skinned, courageous expression of the + country-women of those parts. This similarity, which imparted to the + statue itself a kindliness that I had not looked to find in it, was + corroborated often by the arrival of some girl from the fields, come, like + ourselves, for shelter beneath the porch, whose presence there—as + when the leaves of a climbing plant have grown up beside leaves carved in + stone—seemed intended by fate to allow us, by confronting it with + its type in nature, to form a critical estimate of the truth of the work + of art. Before our eyes, in the distance, a promised or an accursed land, + Roussainville, within whose walls I had never penetrated, Roussainville + was now, when the rain had ceased for us, still being chastised, like a + village in the Old Testament, by all the innumerable spears and arrows of + the storm, which beat down obliquely upon the dwellings of its + inhabitants, or else had already received the forgiveness of the Almighty, + Who had restored to it the light of His sun, which fell upon it in rays of + uneven length, like the rays of a monstrance upon an altar. + </p> + <p> + Sometimes, when the weather had completely broken, we were obliged to go + home and to remain shut up indoors. Here and there, in the distance, in a + landscape which, what with the failing light and saturated atmosphere, + resembled a seascape rather, a few solitary houses clinging to the lower + slopes of a hill whose heights were buried in a cloudy darkness shone out + like little boats which had folded their sails and would ride at anchor, + all night, upon the sea. But what mattered rain or storm? In summer, bad + weather is no more than a passing fit of superficial ill-temper expressed + by the permanent, underlying fine weather; a very different thing from the + fluid and unstable 'fine weather' of winter, its very opposite, in fact; + for has it not (firmly established in the soil, on which it has taken + solid form in dense masses of foliage over which the rain may pour in + torrents without weakening the resistance offered by their real and + lasting happiness) hoisted, to keep them flying throughout the season, in + the village streets, on the walls of the houses and in their gardens, its + silken banners, violet and white. Sitting in the little parlour, where I + would pass the time until dinner with a book, I might hear the water + dripping from our chestnut-trees, but I would know that the shower would + only glaze and brighten the greenness of their thick, crumpled leaves, and + that they themselves had undertaken to remain there, like pledges of + summer, all through the rainy night, to assure me of the fine weather's + continuing; it might rain as it pleased, but to-morrow, over the white + fence of Tansonville, there would surge and flow, numerous as ever, a sea + of little heart-shaped leaves; and without the least anxiety I could watch + the poplar in the Rue des Perchamps praying for mercy, bowing in + desperation before the storm; without the least anxiety I could hear, at + the far end of the garden, the last peals of thunder growling among our + lilac-trees. + </p> + <p> + If the weather was bad all morning, my family would abandon the idea of a + walk, and I would remain at home. But, later on, I formed the habit of + going out by myself on such days, and walking towards + Méséglise-la-Vineuse, during that autumn when we had to come to Combray to + settle the division of my aunt Léonie's estate; for she had died at last, + leaving both parties among her neighbours triumphant in the fact of her + demise—those who had insisted that her mode of life was enfeebling + and must ultimately kill her, and, equally, those who had always + maintained that she suffered from some disease not imaginary, but organic, + by the visible proof of which the most sceptical would be obliged to own + themselves convinced, once she had succumbed to it; causing no intense + grief to any save one of her survivors, but to that one a grief savage in + its violence. During the long fortnight of my aunt's last illness + Françoise never went out of her room for an instant, never took off her + clothes, allowed no one else to do anything for my aunt, and did not leave + her body until it was actually in its grave. Then, at last, we understood + that the sort of terror in which Françoise had lived of my aunt's harsh + words, her suspicions and her anger, had developed in her a sentiment + which we had mistaken for hatred, and which was really veneration and + love. Her true mistress, whose decisions it had been impossible to + foresee, from whose stratagems it had been so hard to escape, of whose + good nature it had been so easy to take advantage, her sovereign, her + mysterious and omnipotent monarch was no more. Compared with such a + mistress we counted for very little. The time had long passed when, on our + first coming to spend our holidays at Combray, we had been of equal + importance, in Françoise eyes, with my aunt. + </p> + <p> + During that autumn my parents, finding the days so fully occupied with the + legal formalities that had to be gone through, and discussions with + solicitors and farmers, that they had little time for walks which, as it + happened, the weather made precarious, began to let me go, without them, + along the 'Méséglise way,' wrapped up in a huge Highland plaid which + protected me from the rain, and which I was all the more ready to throw + over my shoulders because I felt that the stripes of its gaudy tartan + scandalised Françoise, whom it was impossible to convince that the colour + of one's clothes had nothing whatever to do with one's mourning for the + dead, and to whom the grief which we had shewn on my aunt's death was + wholly unsatisfactory, since we had not entertained the neighbours to a + great funeral banquet, and did not adopt a special tone when we spoke of + her, while I at times might be heard humming a tune. I am sure that in a + book—and to that extent my feelings were closely akin to those of + Françoise—such a conception of mourning, in the manner of the <i>Chanson + de Roland</i> and of the porch of Saint-André-des-Champs, would have + seemed most attractive. But the moment that Françoise herself approached, + some evil spirit would urge me to attempt to make her angry, and I would + avail myself of the slightest pretext to say to her that I regretted my + aunt's death because she had been a good woman in spite of her + absurdities, but not in the least because she was my aunt; that she might + easily have been my aunt and yet have been so odious that her death would + not have caused me a moment's sorrow; statements which, in a book, would + have struck me as merely fatuous. + </p> + <p> + And if Françoise then, inspired like a poet with a flood of confused + reflections upon bereavement, grief, and family memories, were to plead + her inability to rebut my theories, saying: "I don't know how to <i>espress</i> + myself"—I would triumph over her with an ironical and brutal common + sense worthy of Dr. Percepied; and if she went on: "All the same she was a + <i>geological</i> relation; there is always the respect due to your <i>geology</i>," + I would shrug my shoulders and say: "It is really very good of me to + discuss the matter with an illiterate old woman who cannot speak her own + language," adopting, to deliver judgment on Françoise, the mean and narrow + outlook of the pedant, whom those who are most contemptuous of him in the + impartiality of their own minds are only too prone to copy when they are + obliged to play a part upon the vulgar stage of life. + </p> + <p> + My walks, that autumn, were all the more delightful because I used to take + them after long hours spent over a book. When I was tired of reading, + after a whole morning in the house, I would throw my plaid across my + shoulders and set out; my body, which in a long spell of enforced + immobility had stored up an accumulation of vital energy, was now obliged, + like a spinning-top wound and let go, to spend this in every direction. + The walls of houses, the Tansonville hedge, the trees of Roussainville + wood, the bushes against which Montjouvain leaned its back, all must bear + the blows of my walking-stick or umbrella, must hear my shouts of + happiness, blows and shouts being indeed no more than expressions of the + confused ideas which exhilarated me, and which, not being developed to the + point at which they might rest exposed to the light of day, rather than + submit to a slow and difficult course of elucidation, found it easier and + more pleasant to drift into an immediate outlet. And so it is that the + bulk of what appear to be the emotional renderings of our inmost + sensations do no more than relieve us of the burden of those sensations by + allowing them to escape from us in an indistinct form which does not teach + us how it should be interpreted. When I attempt to reckon up all that I + owe to the 'Méséglise way,' all the humble discoveries of which it was + either the accidental setting or the direct inspiration and cause, I am + reminded that it was in that same autumn, on one of those walks, near the + bushy precipice which guarded Montjouvain from the rear, that I was struck + for the first time by this lack of harmony between our impressions and + their normal forms of expression. After an hour of rain and wind, against + which I had put up a brisk fight, as I came to the edge of the Montjouvain + pond, and reached a little hut, roofed with tiles, in which M. Vinteuil's + gardener kept his tools, the sun shone out again, and its golden rays, + washed clean by the shower, blazed once more in the sky, on the trees, on + the wall of the hut, and on the still wet tiles of the roof, which had a + chicken perching upon its ridge. The wind pulled out sideways the wild + grass that grew in the wall, and the chicken's downy feathers, both of + which things let themselves float upon the wind's breath to their full + extent, with the unresisting submissiveness of light and lifeless matter. + The tiled roof cast upon the pond, whose reflections were now clear again + in the sunlight, a square of pink marble, the like of which I had never + observed before. And, seeing upon the water, where it reflected the wall, + a pallid smile responding to the smiling sky, I cried aloud in my + enthusiasm, brandishing my furled umbrella: "Damn, damn, damn, damn!" But + at the same time I felt that I was in duty bound not to content myself + with these unilluminating words, but to endeavour to see more clearly into + the sources of my enjoyment. + </p> + <p> + And it was at that moment, too—thanks to a peasant who went past, + apparently in a bad enough humour already, but more so when he nearly + received my umbrella in his face, and who replied without any cordiality + to my "Fine day, what! good to be out walking!"—that I learned that + identical emotions do not spring up in the hearts of all men + simultaneously, by a pre-established order. Later on I discovered that, + whenever I had read for too long and was in a mood for conversation, the + friend to whom I would be burning to say something would at that moment + have finished indulging himself in the delights of conversation, and + wanted nothing now but to be left to read undisturbed. And if I had been + thinking with affection of my parents, and forming the most sensible and + proper plans for giving them pleasure, they would have been using the same + interval of time to discover some misdeed that I had already forgotten, + and would begin to scold me severely, just as I flung myself upon them + with a kiss. + </p> + <p> + Sometimes to the exhilaration which I derived from being alone would be + added an alternative feeling, so that I could not be clear in my mind to + which I should give the casting vote; a feeling stimulated by the desire + to see rise up before my eyes a peasant-girl whom I might clasp in my + arms. Coming abruptly, and without giving me time to trace it accurately + to its source among so many ideas of a very different kind, the pleasure + which accompanied this desire seemed only a degree superior to what was + given me by my other thoughts. I found an additional merit in everything + that was in my mind at the moment, in the pink reflection of the tiled + roof, the wild grass in the wall, the village of Roussainville into which + I had long desired to penetrate, the trees of its wood and the steeple of + its church, created in them by this fresh emotion which made them appear + more desirable only because I thought it was they that had provoked it, + and which seemed only to wish to bear me more swiftly towards them when it + filled my sails with a potent, unknown, and propitious breeze. But if this + desire that a woman should appear added for me something more exalting + than the charms of nature, they in their turn enlarged what I might, in + the woman's charm, have found too much restricted. It seemed to me that + the beauty of the trees was hers also, and that, as for the spirit of + those horizons, of the village of Roussainville, of the books which I was + reading that year, it was her kiss which would make me master of them all; + and, my imagination drawing strength from contact with my sensuality, my + sensuality expanding through all the realms of my imagination, my desire + had no longer any bounds. Moreover—just as in moments of musing + contemplation of nature, the normal actions of the mind being suspended, + and our abstract ideas of things set on one side, we believe with the + profoundest faith in the originality, in the individual existence of the + place in which we may happen to be—the passing figure which my + desire evoked seemed to be not any one example of the general type of + 'woman,' but a necessary and natural product of the soil. For at that time + everything which was not myself, the earth and the creatures upon it, + seemed to me more precious, more important, endowed with a more real + existence than they appear to full-grown men. And between the earth and + its creatures I made no distinction. I had a desire for a peasant-girl + from Méséglise or Roussainville, for a fisher-girl from Balbec, just as I + had a desire for Balbec and Méséglise. The pleasure which those girls were + empowered to give me would have seemed less genuine, I should have had no + faith in it any longer, if I had been at liberty to modify its conditions + as I chose. To meet in Paris a fisher-girl from Balbec or a peasant-girl + from Méséglise would have been like receiving the present of a shell which + I had never seen upon the beach, or of a fern which I had never found + among the woods, would have stripped from the pleasure which she was about + to give me all those other pleasures in the thick of which my imagination + had enwrapped her. But to wander thus among the woods of Roussainville + without a peasant-girl to embrace was to see those woods and yet know + nothing of their secret treasure, their deep-hidden beauty. That girl whom + I never saw save dappled with the shadows of their leaves, was to me + herself a plant of local growth, only taller than the rest, and one whose + structure would enable me to approach more closely than in them to the + intimate savour of the land from which she had sprung. I could believe + this all the more readily (and also that the caresses by which she would + bring that savour to my senses were themselves of a particular kind, + yielding a pleasure which I could never derive from any but herself) since + I was still, and must for long remain, in that period of life when one has + not yet separated the fact of this sensual pleasure from the various women + in whose company one has tasted it, when one has not reduced it to a + general idea which makes one regard them thenceforward as the variable + instruments of a pleasure that is always the same. Indeed, that pleasure + does not exist, isolated and formulated in the consciousness, as the + ultimate object with which one seeks a woman's company, or as the cause of + the uneasiness which, in anticipation, one then feels. Hardly even does + one think of oneself, but only how to escape from oneself. Obscurely + awaited, immanent and concealed, it rouses to such a paroxysm, at the + moment when at last it makes itself felt, those other pleasures which we + find in the tender glance, in the kiss of her who is by our side, that it + seems to us, more than anything else, a sort of transport of gratitude for + the kindness of heart of our companion and for her touching predilection + of ourselves, which we measure by the benefits, by the happiness that she + showers upon us. + </p> + <p> + Alas, it was in vain that I implored the dungeon-keep of Roussainville, + that I begged it to send out to meet me some daughter of its village, + appealing to it as to the sole confidant to whom I had disclosed my + earliest desire when, from the top floor of our house at Combray, from the + little room that smelt of orris-root, I had peered out and seen nothing + but its tower, framed in the square of the half-opened window, while, with + the heroic scruples of a traveller setting forth for unknown climes, or of + a desperate wretch hesitating on the verge of self-destruction, faint with + emotion, I explored, across the bounds of my own experience, an untrodden + path which, I believed, might lead me to my death, even—until + passion spent itself and left me shuddering among the sprays of flowering + currant which, creeping in through the window, tumbled all about my body. + In vain I called upon it now. In vain I compressed the whole landscape + into my field of vision, draining it with an exhaustive gaze which sought + to extract from it a female creature. I might go alone as far as the porch + of Saint-André-des-Champs: never did I find there the girl whom I should + inevitably have met, had I been with my grandfather, and so unable to + engage her in conversation. I would fix my eyes, without limit of time, + upon the trunk of a distant tree, from behind which she must appear and + spring towards me; my closest scrutiny left the horizon barren as before; + night was falling; without any hope now would I concentrate my attention, + as though to force up out of it the creatures which it must conceal, upon + that sterile soil, that stale and outworn land; and it was no longer in + lightness of heart, but with sullen anger that I aimed blows at the trees + of Roussainville wood, from among which no more living creatures made + their appearance than if they had been trees painted on the stretched + canvas background of a panorama, when, unable to resign myself to having + to return home without having held in my arms the woman I so greatly + desired, I was yet obliged to retrace my steps towards Combray, and to + admit to myself that the chance of her appearing in my path grew smaller + every moment. And if she had appeared, would I have dared to speak to her? + I felt that she would have regarded me as mad, for I no longer thought of + those desires which came to me on my walks, but were never realized, as + being shared by others, or as having any existence apart from myself. They + seemed nothing more now than the purely subjective, impotent, illusory + creatures of my temperament. They were in no way connected now with + nature, with the world of real things, which from now onwards lost all its + charm and significance, and meant no more to my life than a purely + conventional framework, just as the action of a novel is framed in the + railway carriage, on a seat of which a traveller is reading it to pass the + time. + </p> + <p> + And it is perhaps from another impression which I received at + Montjouvain, some years later, an impression which at that time was + without meaning, that there arose, long afterwards, my idea of that cruel + side of human passion called 'sadism.' We shall see, in due course, that + for quite another reason the memory of this impression was to play an + important part in my life. It was during a spell of very hot weather; my + parents, who had been obliged to go away for the whole day, had told me + that I might stay out as late as I pleased; and having gone as far as the + Montjouvain pond, where I enjoyed seeing again the reflection of the tiled + roof of the hut, I had lain down in the shade and gone to sleep among the + bushes on the steep slope that rose up behind the house, just where I had + waited for my parents, years before, one day when they had gone to call on + M. Vinteuil. It was almost dark when I awoke, and I wished to rise and go + away, but I saw Mlle. Vinteuil (or thought, at least, that I recognised + her, for I had not seen her often at Combray, and then only when she was + still a child, whereas she was now growing into a young woman), who + probably had just come in, standing in front of me, and only a few feet + away from me, in that room in which her father had entertained mine, and + which she had now made into a little sitting-room for herself. The window + was partly open; the lamp was lighted; I could watch her every movement + without her being able to see me; but, had I gone away, I must have made a + rustling sound among the bushes, she would have heard me, and might have + thought that I had been hiding there in order to spy upon her. + </p> + <p> + She was in deep mourning, for her father had but lately died. We had not + gone to see her; my mother had not cared to go, on account of that virtue + which alone in her fixed any bounds to her benevolence—namely, + modesty; but she pitied the girl from the depths of her heart. My mother + had not forgotten the sad end of M. Vinteuil's life, his complete + absorption, first in having to play both mother and nursery-maid to his + daughter, and, later, in the suffering which she had caused him; she could + see the tortured expression which was never absent from the old man's face + in those terrible last years; she knew that he had definitely abandoned + the task of transcribing in fair copies the whole of his later work, the + poor little pieces, we imagined, of an old music-master, a retired village + organist, which, we assumed, were of little or no value in themselves, + though we did not despise them, because they were of such great value to + him and had been the chief motive of his life before he sacrificed them to + his daughter; pieces which, being mostly not even written down, but + recorded only in his memory, while the rest were scribbled on loose sheets + of paper, and quite illegible, must now remain unknown for ever; my mother + thought, also, of that other and still more cruel renunciation to which M. + Vinteuil had been driven, that of seeing the girl happily settled, with an + honest and respectable future; when she called to mind all this utter and + crushing misery that had come upon my aunts' old music-master, she was + moved to very real grief, and shuddered to think of that other grief, so + different in its bitterness, which Mlle. Vinteuil must now be feeling, + tinged with remorse at having virtually killed her father. "Poor M. + Vinteuil," my mother would say, "he lived for his daughter, and now he has + died for her, without getting his reward. Will he get it now, I wonder, + and in what form? It can only come to him from her." + </p> + <p> + At the far end of Mlle. Vinteuil's sitting-room, on the mantelpiece, stood + a small photograph of her father which she went briskly to fetch, just as + the sound of carriage wheels was heard from the road outside, then flung + herself down on a sofa and drew close beside her a little table on which + she placed the photograph, just as, long ago, M. Vinteuil had 'placed' + beside him the piece of music which he would have liked to play over to my + parents. And then her friend came in. Mlle. Vinteuil greeted her without + rising, clasping her hands behind her head, and drew her body to one side + of the sofa, as though to 'make room.' But no sooner had she done this + than she appeared to feel that she was perhaps suggesting a particular + position to her friend, with an emphasis which might well be regarded as + importunate. She thought that her friend would prefer, no doubt, to sit + down at some distance from her, upon a chair; she felt that she had been + indiscreet; her sensitive heart took fright; stretching herself out again + over the whole of the sofa, she closed her eyes and began to yawn, so as + to indicate that it was a desire to sleep, and that alone, which had made + her lie down there. Despite the rude and hectoring familiarity with which + she treated her companion I could recognise in her the obsequious and + reticent advances, the abrupt scruples and restraints which had + characterised her father. Presently she rose and came to the window, where + she pretended to be trying to close the shutters and not succeeding. + </p> + <p> + "Leave them open," said her friend. "I am hot." + </p> + <p> + "But it's too dreadful! People will see us," Mlle. Vinteuil answered. And + then she guessed, probably, that her friend would think that she had + uttered these words simply in order to provoke a reply in certain other + words, which she seemed, indeed, to wish to hear spoken, but, from + prudence, would let her friend be the first to speak. And so, although I + could not see her face clearly enough, I am sure that the expression must + have appeared on it which my grandmother had once found so delightful, + when she hastily went on: "When I say 'see us' I mean, of course, see us + reading. It's so dreadful to think that in every trivial little thing you + do some one may be overlooking you." + </p> + <p> + With the instinctive generosity of her nature, a courtesy beyond her + control, she refrained from uttering the studied words which, she had + felt, were indispensable for the full realisation of her desire. And + perpetually, in the depths of her being, a shy and suppliant maiden would + kneel before that other element, the old campaigner, battered but + triumphant, would intercede with him and oblige him to retire. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, yes, it is so extremely likely that people are looking at us at this + time of night in this densely populated district!" said her friend, with + bitter irony. "And what if they are?" she went on, feeling bound to + annotate with a malicious yet affectionate wink these words which she was + repeating, out of good nature, like a lesson prepared beforehand which, + she knew, it would please Mlle. Vinteuil to hear. "And what if they are? + All the better that they should see us." + </p> + <p> + Mlle. Vinteuil shuddered and rose to her feet. In her sensitive and + scrupulous heart she was ignorant what words ought to flow, spontaneously, + from her lips, so as to produce the scene for which her eager senses + clamoured. She reached out as far as she could across the limitations of + her true character to find the language appropriate to a vicious young + woman such as she longed to be thought, but the words which, she imagined, + such a young woman might have uttered with sincerity sounded unreal in her + own mouth. And what little she allowed herself to say was said in a + strained tone, in which her ingrained timidity paralysed her tendency to + freedom and audacity of speech; while she kept on interrupting herself + with: "You're sure you aren't cold? You aren't too hot? You don't want to + sit and read by yourself?... + </p> + <p> + "Your ladyship's thoughts seem to be rather 'warm' this evening," she + concluded, doubtless repeating a phrase which she had heard used, on some + earlier occasion, by her friend. + </p> + <p> + In the V-shaped opening of her crape bodice Mlle. Vinteuil felt the sting + of her friend's sudden kiss; she gave a little scream and ran away; and + then they began to chase one another about the room, scrambling over the + furniture, their wide sleeves fluttering like wings, clucking and crowing + like a pair of amorous fowls. At last Mlle. Vinteuil fell down exhausted + upon the sofa, where she was screened from me by the stooping body of her + friend. But the latter now had her back turned to the little table on + which the old music-master's portrait had been arranged. Mlle. Vinteuil + realised that her friend would not see it unless her attention were drawn + to it, and so exclaimed, as if she herself had just noticed it for the + first time: "Oh! there's my father's picture looking at us; I can't think + who can have put it there; I'm sure I've told them twenty times, that is + not the proper place for it." + </p> + <p> + I remembered the words that M. Vinteuil had used to my parents in + apologising for an obtrusive sheet of music. This photograph was, of + course, in common use in their ritual observances, was subjected to daily + profanation, for the friend replied in words which were evidently a + liturgical response: "Let him stay there. He can't trouble us any longer. + D'you think he'd start whining, d'you think he'd pack you out of the house + if he could see you now, with the window open, the ugly old monkey?" + </p> + <p> + To which Mlle. Vinteuil replied, "Oh, please!"—a gentle reproach + which testified to the genuine goodness of her nature, not that it was + prompted by any resentment at hearing her father spoken of in this fashion + (for that was evidently a feeling which she had trained herself, by a long + course of sophistries, to keep in close subjection at such moments), but + rather because it was the bridle which, so as to avoid all appearance of + egotism, she herself used to curb the gratification which her friend was + attempting to procure for her. It may well have been, too, that the + smiling moderation with which she faced and answered these blasphemies, + that this tender and hypocritical rebuke appeared to her frank and + generous nature as a particularly shameful and seductive form of that + criminal attitude towards life which she was endeavouring to adopt. But + she could not resist the attraction of being treated with affection by a + woman who had just shewn herself so implacable towards the defenceless + dead; she sprang on to the knees of her friend and held out a chaste brow + to be kissed; precisely as a daughter would have done to her mother, + feeling with exquisite joy that they would thus, between them, inflict the + last turn of the screw of cruelty, in robbing M. Vinteuil, as though they + were actually rifling his tomb, of the sacred rights of fatherhood. Her + friend took the girl's head in her hands and placed a kiss on her brow + with a docility prompted by the real affection she had for Mlle. Vinteuil, + as well as by the desire to bring what distraction she could into the dull + and melancholy life of an orphan. + </p> + <p> + "Do you know what I should like to do to that old horror?" she said, + taking up the photograph. She murmured in Mlle. Vinteuil's ear something + that I could not distinguish. + </p> + <p> + "Oh! You would never dare." + </p> + <p> + "Not dare to spit on it? On that?" shouted the friend with deliberate + brutality. + </p> + <p> + I heard no more, for Mlle. Vinteuil, who now seemed weary, awkward, + preoccupied, sincere, and rather sad, came back to the window and drew the + shutters close; but I knew now what was the reward that M. Vinteuil, in + return for all the suffering that he had endured in his lifetime, on + account of his daughter, had received from her after his death. + </p> + <p> + And yet I have since reflected that if M. Vinteuil had been able to be + present at this scene, he might still, and in spite of everything, have + continued to believe in his daughter's soundness of heart, and that he + might even, in so doing, have been not altogether wrong. It was true that + in all Mlle. Vinteuil's actions the appearance of evil was so strong and + so consistent that it would have been hard to find it exhibited in such + completeness save in what is nowadays called a 'sadist'; it is behind the + footlights of a Paris theatre, and not under the homely lamp of an actual + country house, that one expects to see a girl leading her friend on to + spit upon the portrait of a father who has lived and died for nothing and + no one but herself; and when we find in real life a desire for + melodramatic effect, it is generally the 'sadic' instinct that is + responsible for it. It is possible that, without being in the least + inclined towards 'sadism,' a girl might have shewn the same outrageous + cruelty as Mlle. Vinteuil in desecrating the memory and defying the wishes + of her dead father, but she would not have given them deliberate + expression in an act so crude in its symbolism, so lacking in subtlety; + the criminal element in her behaviour would have been less evident to + other people, and even to herself, since she would not have admitted to + herself that she was doing wrong. But, appearances apart, in Mlle. + Vinteuil's soul, at least in the earlier stages, the evil element was + probably not unmixed. A 'sadist' of her kind is an artist in evil, which a + wholly wicked person could not be, for in that case the evil would not + have been external, it would have seemed quite natural to her, and would + not even have been distinguishable from herself; and as for virtue, + respect for the dead, filial obedience, since she would never have + practised the cult of these things, she would take no impious delight in + their profanation. 'Sadists' of Mlle. Vinteuil's sort are creatures so + purely sentimental, so virtuous by nature, that even sensual pleasure + appears to them as something bad, a privilege reserved for the wicked. And + when they allow themselves for a moment to enjoy it they endeavour to + impersonate, to assume all the outward appearance of wicked people, for + themselves and their partners in guilt, so as to gain the momentary + illusion of having escaped beyond the control of their own gentle and + scrupulous natures into the inhuman world of pleasure. And I could + understand how she must have longed for such an escape when I realised + that it was impossible for her to effect it. At the moment when she wished + to be thought the very antithesis of her father, what she at once + suggested to me were the mannerisms, in thought and speech, of the poor + old music-master. Indeed, his photograph was nothing; what she really + desecrated, what she corrupted into ministering to her pleasures, but what + remained between them and her and prevented her from any direct enjoyment + of them, was the likeness between her face and his, his mother's blue eyes + which he had handed down to her, like some trinket to be kept in the + family, those little friendly movements and inclinations which set up + between the viciousness of Mlle. Vinteuil and herself a phraseology, a + mentality not designed for vice, which made her regard it as not in any + way different from the numberless little social duties and courtesies to + which she must devote herself every day. It was not evil that gave her the + idea of pleasure, that seemed to her attractive; it was pleasure, rather, + that seemed evil. And as, every time that she indulged in it, pleasure + came to her attended by evil thoughts such as, ordinarily, had no place in + her virtuous mind, she came at length to see in pleasure itself something + diabolical, to identify it with Evil. Perhaps Mlle. Vinteuil felt that at + heart her friend was not altogether bad, not really sincere when she gave + vent to those blasphemous utterances. At any rate, she had the pleasure of + receiving those kisses on her brow, those smiles, those glances; all + feigned, perhaps, but akin in their base and vicious mode of expression to + those which would have been discernible on the face of a creature formed + not out of kindness and long-suffering, but out of self-indulgence and + cruelty. She was able to delude herself for a moment into believing that + she was indeed amusing herself in the way in which, with so unnatural an + accomplice, a girl might amuse herself who really did experience that + savage antipathy towards her father's memory. Perhaps she would not have + thought of wickedness as a state so rare, so abnormal, so exotic, one + which it was so refreshing to visit, had she been able to distinguish in + herself, as in all her fellow-men and women, that indifference to the + sufferings which they cause which, whatever names else be given it, is the + one true, terrible and lasting form of cruelty. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + If the 'Méséglise way' was so easy, it was a very different matter when we + took the 'Guermantes way,' for that meant a long walk, and we must make + sure, first, of the weather. When we seemed to have entered upon a spell + of fine days, when Françoise, in desperation that not a drop was falling + upon the 'poor crops,' gazing up at the sky and seeing there only a little + white cloud floating here and there upon its calm, azure surface, groaned + aloud and exclaimed: "You would say they were nothing more nor less than a + lot of dogfish swimming about and sticking up their snouts! Ah, they never + think of making it rain a little for the poor labourers! And then when the + corn is all ripe, down it will come, rattling all over the place, and + think no more of where it is falling than if it was on the sea!"—when + my father's appeals to the gardener had met with the same encouraging + answer several times in succession, then some one would say, at dinner: + "To-morrow, if the weather holds, we might go the Guermantes way." And off + we would set, immediately after luncheon, through the little garden gate + which dropped us into the Rue des Perchamps, narrow and bent at a sharp + angle, dotted with grass-plots over which two or three wasps would spend + the day botanising, a street as quaint as its name, from which its odd + characteristics and its personality were, I felt, derived; a street for + which one might search in vain through the Combray of to-day, for the + public school now rises upon its site. But in my dreams of Combray (like + those architects, pupils of Viollet-le-Duc, who, fancying that they can + detect, beneath a Renaissance rood-loft and an eighteenth-century altar, + traces of a Norman choir, restore the whole church to the state in which + it probably was in the twelfth century) I leave not a stone of the modern + edifice standing, I pierce through it and 'restore' the Rue des Perchamps. + And for such reconstruction memory furnishes me with more detailed + guidance than is generally at the disposal of restorers; the pictures + which it has preserved—perhaps the last surviving in the world + to-day, and soon to follow the rest into oblivion—of what Combray + looked like in my childhood's days; pictures which, simply because it was + the old Combray that traced their outlines upon my mind before it + vanished, are as moving—if I may compare a humble landscape with + those glorious works, reproductions of which my grandmother was so fond of + bestowing on me—as those old engravings of the 'Cenacolo,' or that + painting by Gentile Bellini, in which one sees, in a state in which they + no longer exist, the masterpiece of Leonardo and the portico of Saint + Mark's. + </p> + <p> + We would pass, in the Rue de l'Oiseau, before the old hostelry of the + Oiseau Flesché, into whose great courtyard, once upon a time, would rumble + the coaches of the Duchesses de Montpensier, de Guermantes, and de + Montmorency, when they had to come down to Combray for some litigation + with their farmers, or to receive homage from them. We would come at + length to the Mall, among whose treetops I could distinguish the steeple + of Saint-Hilaire. And I should have liked to be able to sit down and spend + the whole day there, reading and listening to the bells, for it was so + charming there and so quiet that, when an hour struck, you would have said + not that it broke in upon the calm of the day, but that it relieved the + day of its superfluity, and that the steeple, with the indolent, + painstaking exactitude of a person who has nothing else to do, had simply, + in order to squeeze out and let fall the few golden drops which had slowly + and naturally accumulated in the hot sunlight, pressed, at a given moment, + the distended surface of the silence. + </p> + <p> + The great charm of the 'Guermantes' way was that we had beside us, almost + all the time, the course of the Vivonne. We crossed it first, ten minutes + after leaving the house, by a foot-bridge called the Pont-Vieux. And every + year, when we arrived at Combray, on Easter morning, after the sermon, if + the weather was fine, I would run there to see (amid all the disorder that + prevails on the morning of a great festival, the gorgeous preparations for + which make the everyday household utensils that they have not contrived to + banish seem more sordid than ever) the river flowing past, sky-blue + already between banks still black and bare, its only companions a clump of + daffodils, come out before their time, a few primroses, the first in + flower, while here and there burned the blue flame of a violet, its stem + bent beneath the weight of the drop of perfume stored in its tiny horn. + The Pont-Vieux led to a tow-path which, at this point, would be overhung + in summer by the bluish foliage of a hazel, under which a fisherman in a + straw hat seemed to have taken root. At Combray, where I knew everyone, + and could always detect the blacksmith or grocer's boy through his + disguise of a beadle's uniform or chorister's surplice, this fisherman was + the only person whom I was never able to identify. He must have known my + family, for he used to raise his hat when we passed; and then I would + always be just on the point of asking his name, when some one would make a + sign to me to be quiet, or I would frighten the fish. We would follow the + tow-path which ran along the top of a steep bank, several feet above the + stream. The ground on the other side was lower, and stretched in a series + of broad meadows as far as the village and even to the distant + railway-station. Over these were strewn the remains, half-buried in the + long grass, of the castle of the old Counts of Combray, who, during the + Middle Ages, had had on this side the course of the Vivonne as a barrier + and defence against attack from the Lords of Guermantes and Abbots of + Martinville. Nothing was left now but a few stumps of towers, hummocks + upon the broad surface of the fields, hardly visible, broken battlements + over which, in their day, the bowmen had hurled down stones, the watchmen + had gazed out over Novepont, Clairefontaine, Martinville-le-Sec, + Bailleau-l'Exempt, fiefs all of them of Guermantes, a ring in which + Combray was locked; but fallen among the grass now, levelled with the + ground, climbed and commanded by boys from the Christian Brothers' school, + who came there in their playtime, or with lesson-books to be conned; + emblems of a past that had sunk down and well-nigh vanished under the + earth, that lay by the water's edge now, like an idler taking the air, yet + giving me strong food for thought, making the name of Combray connote to + me not the little town of to-day only, but an historic city vastly + different, seizing and holding my imagination by the remote, + incomprehensible features which it half-concealed beneath a spangled veil + of buttercups. For the buttercups grew past numbering on this spot which + they had chosen for their games among the grass, standing singly, in + couples, in whole companies, yellow as the yolk of eggs, and glowing with + an added lustre, I felt, because, being powerless to consummate with my + palate the pleasure which the sight of them never failed to give me, I + would let it accumulate as my eyes ranged over their gilded expanse, until + it had acquired the strength to create in my mind a fresh example of + absolute, unproductive beauty; and so it had been from my earliest + childhood, when from the tow-path I had stretched out my arms towards + them, before even I could pronounce their charming name—a name fit + for the Prince in some French fairy-tale; colonists, perhaps, in some far + distant century from Asia, but naturalised now for ever in the village, + well satisfied with their modest horizon, rejoicing in the sunshine and + the water's edge, faithful to their little glimpse of the railway-station; + yet keeping, none the less, as do some of our old paintings, in their + plebeian simplicity, a poetic scintillation from the golden East. + </p> + <p> + I would amuse myself by watching the glass jars which the boys used to + lower into the Vivonne, to catch minnows, and which, filled by the current + of the stream, in which they themselves also were enclosed, at once + 'containers' whose transparent sides were like solidified water and + 'contents' plunged into a still larger container of liquid, flowing + crystal, suggested an image of coolness more delicious and more provoking + than the same water in the same jars would have done, standing upon a + table laid for dinner, by shewing it as perpetually in flight between the + impalpable water, in which my hands could not arrest it, and the insoluble + glass, in which my palate could not enjoy it. I decided that I would come + there again with a line and catch fish; I begged for and obtained a morsel + of bread from our luncheon basket; and threw into the Vivonne pellets + which had the power, it seemed, to bring about a chemical precipitation, + for the water at once grew solid round about them in oval clusters of + emaciated tadpoles, which until then it had, no doubt, been holding in + solution, invisible, but ready and alert to enter the stage of + crystallisation. + </p> + <p> + Presently the course of the Vivonne became choked with water-plants. At + first they appeared singly, a lily, for instance, which the current, + across whose path it had unfortunately grown, would never leave at rest + for a moment, so that, like a ferry-boat mechanically propelled, it would + drift over to one bank only to return to the other, eternally repeating + its double journey. Thrust towards the bank, its stalk would be + straightened out, lengthened, strained almost to breaking-point until the + current again caught it, its green moorings swung back over their + anchorage and brought the unhappy plant to what might fitly be called its + starting-point, since it was fated not to rest there a moment before + moving off once again. I would still find it there, on one walk after + another, always in the same helpless state, suggesting certain victims of + neurasthenia, among whom my grandfather would have included my aunt + Léonie, who present without modification, year after year, the spectacle + of their odd and unaccountable habits, which they always imagine + themselves to be on the point of shaking off, but which they always retain + to the end; caught in the treadmill of their own maladies and + eccentricities, their futile endeavours to escape serve only to actuate + its mechanism, to keep in motion the clockwork of their strange, + ineluctable, fatal daily round. Such as these was the water-lily, and also + like one of those wretches whose peculiar torments, repeated indefinitely + throughout eternity, aroused the curiosity of Dante, who would have + inquired of them at greater length and in fuller detail from the victims + themselves, had not Virgil, striding on ahead, obliged him to hasten after + him at full speed, as I must hasten after my parents. + </p> + <p> + But farther on the current slackened, where the stream ran through a + property thrown open to the public by its owner, who had made a hobby of + aquatic gardening, so that the little ponds into which the Vivonne was + here diverted were aflower with water-lilies. As the banks at this point + were thickly wooded, the heavy shade of the trees gave the water a + background which was ordinarily dark green, although sometimes, when we + were coming home on a calm evening after a stormy afternoon, I have seen + in its depths a clear, crude blue that was almost violet, suggesting a + floor of Japanese cloisonné. Here and there, on the surface, floated, + blushing like a strawberry, the scarlet heart of a lily set in a ring of + white petals. + </p> + <p> + Beyond these the flowers were more frequent, but paler, less glossy, more + thickly seeded, more tightly folded, and disposed, by accident, in + festoons so graceful that I would fancy I saw floating upon the stream, as + though after the dreary stripping of the decorations used in some Watteau + festival, moss-roses in loosened garlands. Elsewhere a corner seemed to be + reserved for the commoner kinds of lily; of a neat pink or white like + rocket-flowers, washed clean like porcelain, with housewifely care; while, + a little farther again, were others, pressed close together in a floating + garden-bed, as though pansies had flown out of a garden like butterflies + and were hovering with blue and burnished wings over the transparent + shadowiness of this watery border; this skiey border also, for it set + beneath the flowers a soil of a colour more precious, more moving than + their own; and both in the afternoon, when it sparkled beneath the lilies + in the kaleidoscope of a happiness silent, restless, and alert, and + towards evening, when it was filled like a distant heaven with the roseate + dreams of the setting sun, incessantly changing and ever remaining in + harmony, about the more permanent colour of the flowers themselves, with + the utmost profundity, evanescence, and mystery—with a quiet + suggestion of infinity; afternoon or evening, it seemed to have set them + flowering in the heart of the sky. + </p> + <p> + After leaving this park the Vivonne began to flow again more swiftly. How + often have I watched, and longed to imitate, when I should be free to live + as I chose, a rower who had shipped his oars and lay stretched out on his + back, his head down, in the bottom of his boat, letting it drift with the + current, seeing nothing but the sky which slipped quietly above him, + shewing upon his features a foretaste of happiness and peace. + </p> + <p> + We would sit down among the irises at the water's edge. In the holiday sky + a lazy cloud streamed out to its full length. Now and then, crushed by the + burden of idleness, a carp would heave up out of the water, with an + anxious gasp. It was time for us to feed. Before starting homewards we + would sit for a long time there, eating fruit and bread and chocolate, on + the grass, over which came to our ears, horizontal, faint, but solid still + and metallic, the sound of the bells of Saint-Hilaire, which had melted + not at all in the atmosphere it was so well accustomed to traverse, but, + broken piecemeal by the successive palpitation of all their sonorous + strokes, throbbed as it brushed the flowers at our feet. + </p> + <p> + Sometimes, at the water's edge and embedded in trees, we would come upon a + house of the kind called 'pleasure houses,' isolated and lost, seeing + nothing of the world, save the river which bathed its feet. A young woman, + whose pensive face and fashionable veils did not suggest a local origin, + and who had doubtless come there, in the popular phrase, 'to bury + herself,' to taste the bitter sweetness of feeling that her name, and + still more the name of him whose heart she had once held, but had been + unable to keep, were unknown there, stood framed in a window from which + she had no outlook beyond the boat that was moored beside her door. She + raised her eyes with an air of distraction when she heard, through the + trees that lined the bank, the voices of passers-by of whom, before they + came in sight, she might be certain that never had they known, nor would + they know, the faithless lover, that nothing in their past lives bore his + imprint, which nothing in their future would have occasion to receive. One + felt that in her renunciation of life she had willingly abandoned those + places in which she would at least have been able to see him whom she + loved, for others where he had never trod. And I watched her, as she + returned from some walk along a road where she had known that he would not + appear, drawing from her submissive fingers long gloves of a precious, + useless charm. + </p> + <p> + Never, in the course of our walks along the 'Guermantes way,' might we + penetrate as far as the source of the Vivonne, of which I had often + thought, which had in my mind so abstract, so ideal an existence, that I + had been as much surprised when some one told me that it was actually to + be found in the same department, and at a given number of miles from + Combray, as I had been on the day when I had learned that there was + another fixed point somewhere on the earth's surface, where, according to + the ancients, opened the jaws of Hell. Nor could we ever reach that other + goal, to which I longed so much to attain, Guermantes itself. I knew that + it was the residence of its proprietors, the Duc and Duchesse de + Guermantes, I knew that they were real personages who did actually exist, + but whenever I thought about them I pictured them to myself either in + tapestry, as was the 'Coronation of Esther' which hung in our church, or + else in changing, rainbow colours, as was Gilbert the Bad in his window, + where he passed from cabbage green, when I was dipping my fingers in the + holy water stoup, to plum blue when I had reached our row of chairs, or + again altogether impalpable, like the image of Geneviève de Brabant, + ancestress of the Guermantes family, which the magic lantern sent + wandering over the curtains of my room or flung aloft upon the ceiling—in + short, always wrapped in the mystery of the Merovingian age, and bathed, + as in a sunset, in the orange light which glowed from the resounding + syllable 'antes.' And if, in spite of that, they were for me, in their + capacity as a duke and a duchess, real people, though of an unfamiliar + kind, this ducal personality was in its turn enormously distended, + immaterialised, so as to encircle and contain that Guermantes of which + they were duke and duchess, all that sunlit 'Guermantes way' of our walks, + the course of the Vivonne, its water-lilies and its overshadowing trees, + and an endless series of hot summer afternoons. And I knew that they bore + not only the titles of Duc and Duchesse de Guermantes, but that since the + fourteenth century, when, after vain attempts to conquer its earlier lords + in battle, they had allied themselves by marriage, and so became Counts of + Combray, the first citizens, consequently, of the place, and yet the only + ones among its citizens who did not reside in it—Comtes de Combray, + possessing Combray, threading it on their string of names and titles, + absorbing it in their personalities, and illustrating, no doubt, in + themselves that strange and pious melancholy which was peculiar to + Combray; proprietors of the town, though not of any particular house + there; dwelling, presumably, out of doors, in the street, between heaven + and earth, like that Gilbert de Guermantes, of whom I could see, in the + stained glass of the apse of Saint-Hilaire, only the 'other side' in dull + black lacquer, if I raised my eyes to look for him, when I was going to + Camus's for a packet of salt. + </p> + <p> + And then it happened that, going the 'Guermantes way,' I passed + occasionally by a row of well-watered little gardens, over whose hedges + rose clusters of dark blossom. I would stop before them, hoping to gain + some precious addition to my experience, for I seemed to have before my + eyes a fragment of that riverside country which I had longed so much to + see and know since coming upon a description of it by one of my favourite + authors. And it was with that story-book land, with its imagined soil + intersected by a hundred bubbling watercourses, that Guermantes, changing + its form in my mind, became identified, after I heard Dr. Percepied speak + of the flowers and the charming rivulets and fountains that were to be + seen there in the ducal park. I used to dream that Mme. de Guermantes, + taking a sudden capricious fancy for myself, invited me there, that all + day long she stood fishing for trout by my side. And when evening came, + holding my hand in her own, as we passed by the little gardens of her + vassals, she would point out to me the flowers that leaned their red and + purple spikes along the tops of the low walls, and would teach me all + their names. She would make me tell her, too, all about the poems that I + meant to compose. And these dreams reminded me that, since I wished, some + day, to become a writer, it was high time to decide what sort of books I + was going to write. But as soon as I asked myself the question, and tried + to discover some subjects to which I could impart a philosophical + significance of infinite value, my mind would stop like a clock, I would + see before me vacuity, nothing, would feel either that I was wholly devoid + of talent, or that, perhaps, a malady of the brain was hindering its + development. Sometimes I would depend upon my father's arranging + everything for me. He was so powerful, in such favour with the people who + 'really counted,' that he made it possible for us to transgress laws which + Françoise had taught me to regard as more ineluctable than the laws of + life and death, as when we were allowed to postpone for a year the + compulsory repainting of the walls of our house, alone among all the + houses in that part of Paris, or when he obtained permission from the + Minister for Mme. Sazerat's son, who had been ordered to some + watering-place, to take his degree two months before the proper time, + among the candidates whose surnames began with 'A,' instead of having to + wait his turn as an 'S.' If I had fallen seriously ill, if I had been + captured by brigands, convinced that my father's understanding with the + supreme powers was too complete, that his letters of introduction to the + Almighty were too irresistible for my illness or captivity to turn out + anything but vain illusions, in which there was no danger actually + threatening me, I should have awaited with perfect composure the + inevitable hour of my return to comfortable realities, of my deliverance + from bondage or restoration to health. Perhaps this want of talent, this + black cavity which gaped in my mind when I ransacked it for the theme of + my future writings, was itself no more, either, than an unsubstantial + illusion, and would be brought to an end by the intervention of my father, + who would arrange with the Government and with Providence that I should be + the first writer of my day. But at other times, while my parents were + growing impatient at seeing me loiter behind instead of following them, my + actual life, instead of seeming an artificial creation by my father, and + one which he could modify as he chose, appeared, on the contrary, to be + comprised in a larger reality which had not been created for my benefit, + from whose judgments there was no appeal, in the heart of which I was + bound, helpless, without friend or ally, and beyond which no further + possibilities lay concealed. It was evident to me then that I existed in + the same manner as all other men, that I must grow old, that I must die + like them, and that among them I was to be distinguished merely as one of + those who have no aptitude for writing. And so, utterly despondent, I + renounced literature for ever, despite the encouragements that had been + given me by Bloch. This intimate, spontaneous feeling, this sense of the + nullity of my intellect, prevailed against all the flattering speeches + that might be lavished upon me, as a wicked man, when everyone is loud in + the praise of his good deeds, is gnawed by the secret remorse of + conscience. + </p> + <p> + One day my mother said: "You are always talking about Mme. de Guermantes. + Well, Dr. Percepied did a great deal for her when she was ill, four years + ago, and so she is coming to Combray for his daughter's wedding. You will + be able to see her in church." It was from Dr. Percepied, as it happened, + that I had heard most about Mme. de Guermantes, and he had even shewn us + the number of an illustrated paper in which she was depicted in the + costume which she had worn at a fancy dress ball given by the Princesse de + Léon. + </p> + <p> + Suddenly, during the nuptial mass, the beadle, by moving to one side, + enabled me to see, sitting in a chapel, a lady with fair hair and a large + nose, piercing blue eyes, a billowy scarf of mauve silk, glossy and new + and brilliant, and a little spot at the corner of her nose. And because on + the surface of her face, which was red, as though she had been very warm, + I could make out, diluted and barely perceptible, details which resembled + the portrait that had been shewn to me; because, more especially, the + particular features which I remarked in this lady, if I attempted to + catalogue them, formulated themselves in precisely the same terms:—<i>a + large nose, blue eyes</i>, as Dr. Percepied had used when describing in my + presence the Duchesse de Guermantes, I said to myself: "This lady is like + the Duchesse de Guermantes." Now the chapel from which she was following + the service was that of Gilbert the Bad; beneath its flat tombstones, + yellowed and bulging like cells of honey in a comb, rested the bones of + the old Counts of Brabant; and I remembered having heard it said that this + chapel was reserved for the Guermantes family, whenever any of its members + came to attend a ceremony at Combray; there was, indeed, but one woman + resembling the portrait of Mme. de Guermantes who on that day, the very + day on which she was expected to come there, could be sitting in that + chapel: it was she! My disappointment was immense. It arose from my not + having borne in mind, when I thought of Mme. de Guermantes, that I was + picturing her to myself in the colours of a tapestry or a painted window, + as living in another century, as being of another substance than the rest + of the human race. Never had I taken into account that she might have a + red face, a mauve scarf like Mme. Sazerat; and the oval curve of her + cheeks reminded me so strongly of people whom I had seen at home that the + suspicion brushed against my mind (though it was immediately banished) + that this lady in her creative principle, in the molecules of her physical + composition, was perhaps not substantially the Duchesse de Guermantes, but + that her body, in ignorance of the name that people had given it, belonged + to a certain type of femininity which included, also, the wives of doctors + and tradesmen. "It is, it must be Mme. de Guermantes, and no one else!" + were the words underlying the attentive and astonished expression with + which I was gazing upon this image, which, naturally enough, bore no + resemblance to those that had so often, under the same title of 'Mme. de + Guermantes,' appeared to me in dreams, since this one had not been, like + the others, formed arbitrarily by myself, but had sprung into sight for + the first time, only a moment ago, here in church; an image which was not + of the same nature, was not colourable at will, like those others that + allowed themselves to imbibe the orange tint of a sonorous syllable, but + which was so real that everything, even to the fiery little spot at the + corner of her nose, gave an assurance of her subjection to the laws of + life, as in a transformation scene on the stage a crease in the dress of a + fairy, a quivering of her tiny finger, indicate the material presence of a + living actress before our eyes, whereas we were uncertain, till then, + whether we were not looking merely at a projection of limelight from a + lantern. + </p> + <p> + Meanwhile I was endeavouring to apply to this image, which the prominent + nose, the piercing eyes pinned down and fixed in my field of vision + (perhaps because it was they that had first struck it, that had made the + first impression on its surface, before I had had time to wonder whether + the woman who thus appeared before me might possibly be Mme. de + Guermantes), to this fresh and unchanging image the idea: "It is Mme. de + Guermantes"; but I succeeded only in making the idea pass between me and + the image, as though they were two discs moving in separate planes, with a + space between. But this Mme. de Guermantes of whom I had so often dreamed, + now that I could see that she had a real existence independent of myself, + acquired a fresh increase of power over my imagination, which, paralysed + for a moment by contact with a reality so different from anything that it + had expected, began to react and to say within me: "Great and glorious + before the days of Charlemagne, the Guermantes had the right of life and + death over their vassals; the Duchesse de Guermantes descends from + Geneviève de Brabant. She does not know, nor would she consent to know, + any of the people who are here to-day." + </p> + <p> + And then—oh, marvellous independence of the human gaze, tied to the + human face by a cord so loose, so long, so elastic that it can stray, + alone, as far as it may choose—while Mme. de Guermantes sat in the + chapel above the tombs of her dead ancestors, her gaze lingered here and + wandered there, rose to the capitals of the pillars, and even rested upon + myself, like a ray of sunlight straying down the nave, but a ray of + sunlight which, at the moment when I received its caress, appeared + conscious of where it fell. As for Mme. de Guermantes herself, since she + remained there motionless, sitting like a mother who affects not to notice + the rude or awkward conduct of her children who, in the course of their + play, are speaking to people whom she does not know, it was impossible for + me to determine whether she approved or condemned the vagrancy of her eyes + in the careless detachment of her heart. + </p> + <p> + I felt it to be important that she should not leave the church before I + had been able to look long enough upon her, reminding myself that for + years past I had regarded the sight of her as a thing eminently to be + desired, and I kept my eyes fixed on her, as though by gazing at her I + should be able to carry away and incorporate, to store up, for later + reference, in myself the memory of that prominent nose, those red cheeks, + of all those details which struck me as so much precious, authentic, + unparalleled information with regard to her face. And now that, whenever I + brought my mind to bear upon that face—and especially, perhaps, in + my determination, that form of the instinct of self-preservation with + which we guard everything that is best in ourselves, not to admit that I + had been in any way deceived—I found only beauty there; setting her + once again (since they were one and the same person, this lady who sat + before me and that Duchesse de Guermantes whom, until then, I had been + used to conjure into an imagined shape) apart from and above that common + run of humanity with which the sight, pure and simple, of her in the flesh + had made me for a moment confound her, I grew indignant when I heard + people saying, in the congregation round me: "She is better looking than + Mme. Sazerat" or "than Mlle. Vinteuil," as though she had been in any way + comparable with them. And my gaze resting upon her fair hair, her blue + eyes, the lines of her neck, and overlooking the features which might have + reminded me of the faces of other women, I cried out within myself, as I + admired this deliberately unfinished sketch: "How lovely she is! What true + nobility! it is indeed a proud Guermantes, the descendant of Geneviève de + Brabant, that I have before me!" And the care which I took to focus all my + attention upon her face succeeded in isolating it so completely that + to-day, when I call that marriage ceremony to mind, I find it impossible + to visualise any single person who was present except her, and the beadle + who answered me in the affirmative when I inquired whether the lady was, + indeed, Mme. de Guermantes. But her, I can see her still quite clearly, + especially at the moment when the procession filed into the sacristy, + lighted by the intermittent, hot sunshine of a windy and rainy day, where + Mme. de Guermantes found herself in the midst of all those Combray people + whose names, even, she did not know, but whose inferiority proclaimed her + own supremacy so loud that she must, in return, feel for them a genuine, + pitying sympathy, and whom she might count on impressing even more + forcibly by virtue of her simplicity and natural charm. And then, too, + since she could not bring into play the deliberate glances, charged with a + definite meaning, which one directs, in a crowd, towards people whom one + knows, but must allow her vague thoughts to escape continually from her + eyes in a flood of blue light which she was powerless to control, she was + anxious not to distress in any way, not to seem to be despising those + humbler mortals over whom that current flowed, by whom it was everywhere + arrested. I can see again to-day, above her mauve scarf, silky and + buoyant, the gentle astonishment in her eyes, to which she had added, + without daring to address it to anyone in particular, but so that everyone + might enjoy his share of it, the almost timid smile of a sovereign lady + who seems to be making an apology for her presence among the vassals whom + she loves. This smile rested upon myself, who had never ceased to follow + her with my eyes. And I, remembering the glance which she had let fall + upon me during the service, blue as a ray of sunlight that had penetrated + the window of Gilbert the Bad, said to myself, "Of course, she is thinking + about me." I fancied that I had found favour in her sight, that she would + continue to think of me after she had left the church, and would, perhaps, + grow pensive again, that evening, at Guermantes, on my account. And at + once I fell in love with her, for if it is sometimes enough to make us + love a woman that she looks on us with contempt, as I supposed Mlle. Swann + to have done, while we imagine that she cannot ever be ours, it is enough, + also, sometimes that she looks on us kindly, as Mme. de Guermantes did + then, while we think of her as almost ours already. Her eyes waxed blue as + a periwinkle flower, wholly beyond my reach, yet dedicated by her to me; + and the sun, bursting out again from behind a threatening cloud and + darting the full force of its rays on to the Square and into the sacristy, + shed a geranium glow over the red carpet laid down for the wedding, along + which Mme. de Guermantes smilingly advanced, and covered its woollen + texture with a nap of rosy velvet, a bloom of light, giving it that sort + of tenderness, of solemn sweetness in the pomp of a joyful celebration, + which characterises certain pages of <i>Lohengrin</i>, certain paintings + by Carpaccio, and makes us understand how Baudelaire was able to apply to + the sound of the trumpet the epithet 'delicious.' + </p> + <p> + How often, after that day, in the course of my walks along the 'Guermantes + way,' and with what an intensified melancholy did I reflect on my lack of + qualification for a literary career, and that I must abandon all hope of + ever becoming a famous author. The regret that I felt for this, while I + lingered alone to dream for a little by myself, made me suffer so acutely + that, in order not to feel it, my mind of its own accord, by a sort of + inhibition in the instant of pain, ceased entirely to think of + verse-making, of fiction, of the poetic future on which my want of talent + precluded me from counting. Then, quite apart from all those literary + preoccupations, and without definite attachment to anything, suddenly a + roof, a gleam of sunlight reflected from a stone, the smell of a road + would make me stop still, to enjoy the special pleasure that each of them + gave me, and also because they appeared to be concealing, beneath what my + eyes could see, something which they invited me to approach and seize from + them, but which, despite all my efforts, I never managed to discover. As I + felt that the mysterious object was to be found in them, I would stand + there in front of them, motionless, gazing, breathing, endeavouring to + penetrate with my mind beyond the thing seen or smelt. And if I had then + to hasten after my grandfather, to proceed on my way, I would still seek + to recover my sense of them by closing my eyes; I would concentrate upon + recalling exactly the line of the roof, the colour of the stone, which, + without my being able to understand why, had seemed to me to be teeming, + ready to open, to yield up to me the secret treasure of which they were + themselves no more than the outer coverings. It was certainly not any + impression of this kind that could or would restore the hope I had lost of + succeeding one day in becoming an author and poet, for each of them was + associated with some material object devoid of any intellectual value, and + suggesting no abstract truth. But at least they gave me an unreasoning + pleasure, the illusion of a sort of fecundity of mind; and in that way + distracted me from the tedium, from the sense of my own impotence which I + had felt whenever I had sought a philosophic theme for some great literary + work. So urgent was the task imposed on my conscience by these impressions + of form or perfume or colour—to strive for a perception of what lay + hidden beneath them, that I was never long in seeking an excuse which + would allow me to relax so strenuous an effort and to spare myself the + fatigue that it involved. As good luck would have it, my parents called + me; I felt that I had not, for the moment, the calm environment necessary + for a successful pursuit of my researches, and that it would be better to + think no more of the matter until I reached home, and not to exhaust + myself in the meantime to no purpose. And so I concerned myself no longer + with the mystery that lay hidden in a form or a perfume, quite at ease in + my mind, since I was taking it home with me, protected by its visible and + tangible covering, beneath which I should find it still alive, like the + fish which, on days when I had been allowed to go out fishing, I used to + carry back in my basket, buried in a couch of grass which kept them cool + and fresh. Once in the house again I would begin to think of something + else, and so my mind would become littered (as my room was with the + flowers that I had gathered on my walks, or the odds and ends that people + had given me) with a stone from the surface of which the sunlight was + reflected, a roof, the sound of a bell, the smell of fallen leaves, a + confused mass of different images, under which must have perished long ago + the reality of which I used to have some foreboding, but which I never had + the energy to discover and bring to light. Once, however, when we had + prolonged our walk far beyond its ordinary limits, and so had been very + glad to encounter, half way home, as afternoon darkened into evening, Dr. + Percepied, who drove past us at full speed in his carriage, saw and + recognised us, stopped, and made us jump in beside him, I received an + impression of this sort which I did not abandon without having first + subjected it to an examination a little more thorough. I had been set on + the box beside the coachman, we were going like the wind because the + Doctor had still, before returning to Combray, to call at + Martinville-le-Sec, at the house of a patient, at whose door he asked us + to wait for him. At a bend in the road I experienced, suddenly, that + special pleasure, which bore no resemblance to any other, when I caught + sight of the twin steeples of Martinville, on which the setting sun was + playing, while the movement of the carriage and the windings of the road + seemed to keep them continually changing their position; and then of a + third steeple, that of Vieuxvicq, which, although separated from them by a + hill and a valley, and rising from rather higher ground in the distance, + appeared none the less to be standing by their side. + </p> + <p> + In ascertaining and noting the shape of their spires, the changes of + aspect, the sunny warmth of their surfaces, I felt that I was not + penetrating to the full depth of my impression, that something more lay + behind that mobility, that luminosity, something which they seemed at once + to contain and to conceal. + </p> + <p> + The steeples appeared so distant, and we ourselves seemed to come so + little nearer them, that I was astonished when, a few minutes later, we + drew up outside the church of Martinville. I did not know the reason for + the pleasure which I had found in seeing them upon the horizon, and the + business of trying to find out what that reason was seemed to me irksome; + I wished only to keep in reserve in my brain those converging lines, + moving in the sunshine, and, for the time being, to think of them no more. + And it is probable that, had I done so, those two steeples would have + vanished for ever, in a great medley of trees and roofs and scents and + sounds which I had noticed and set apart on account of the obscure sense + of pleasure which they gave me, but without ever exploring them more + fully. I got down from the box to talk to my parents while we were waiting + for the Doctor to reappear. Then it was time to start; I climbed up again + to my place, turning my head to look back, once more, at my steeples, of + which, a little later, I caught a farewell glimpse at a turn in the road. + The coachman, who seemed little inclined for conversation, having barely + acknowledged my remarks, I was obliged, in default of other society, to + fall back on my own, and to attempt to recapture the vision of my + steeples. And presently their outlines and their sunlit surface, as though + they had been a sort of rind, were stripped apart; a little of what they + had concealed from me became apparent; an idea came into my mind which had + not existed for me a moment earlier, framed itself in words in my head; + and the pleasure with which the first sight of them, just now, had filled + me was so much enhanced that, overpowered by a sort of intoxication, I + could no longer think of anything but them. At this point, although we had + now travelled a long way from Martinville, I turned my head and caught + sight of them again, quite black this time, for the sun had meanwhile set. + Every few minutes a turn in the road would sweep them out of sight; then + they shewed themselves for the last time, and so I saw them no more. + </p> + <p> + Without admitting to myself that what lay buried within the steeples of + Martinville must be something analogous to a charming phrase, since it was + in the form of words which gave me pleasure that it had appeared to me, I + borrowed a pencil and some paper from the Doctor, and composed, in spite + of the jolting of the carriage, to appease my conscience and to satisfy my + enthusiasm, the following little fragment, which I have since discovered, + and now reproduce, with only a slight revision here and there. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + Alone, rising from the level of the plain, and seemingly lost in that + expanse of open country, climbed to the sky the twin steeples of + Martinville. Presently we saw three: springing into position confronting + them by a daring volt, a third, a dilatory steeple, that of Vieuxvicq, was + come to join them. The minutes passed, we were moving rapidly, and yet the + three steeples were always a long way ahead of us, like three birds + perched upon the plain, motionless and conspicuous in the sunlight. Then + the steeple of Vieuxvicq withdrew, took its proper distance, and the + steeples of Martinville remained alone, gilded by the light of the setting + sun, which, even at that distance, I could see playing and smiling upon + their sloped sides. We had been so long in approaching them that I was + thinking of the time that must still elapse before we could reach them + when, of a sudden, the carriage, having turned a corner, set us down at + their feet; and they had flung themselves so abruptly in our path that we + had barely time to stop before being dashed against the porch of the + church. + </p> + <p> + We resumed our course; we had left Martinville some little time, and the + village, after accompanying us for a few seconds, had already disappeared, + when, lingering alone on the horizon to watch our flight, its steeples and + that of Vieuxvicq waved once again, in token of farewell, their sun-bathed + pinnacles. Sometimes one would withdraw, so that the other two might watch + us for a moment still; then the road changed direction, they veered in the + light like three golden pivots, and vanished from my gaze. But, a little + later, when we were already close to Combray, the sun having set + meanwhile, I caught sight of them for the last time, far away, and seeming + no more now than three flowers painted upon the sky above the low line of + fields. They made me think, too, of three maidens in a legend, abandoned + in a solitary place over which night had begun to fall; and while we drew + away from them at a gallop, I could see them timidly seeking their way, + and, after some awkward, stumbling movements of their noble silhouettes, + drawing close to one another, slipping one behind another, shewing nothing + more, now, against the still rosy sky than a single dusky form, charming + and resigned, and so vanishing in the night. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + I never thought again of this page, but at the moment when, on my corner + of the box-seat, where the Doctor's coachman was in the habit of placing, + in a hamper, the fowls which he had bought at Martinville market, I had + finished writing it, I found such a sense of happiness, felt that it had + so entirely relieved my mind of the obsession of the steeples, and of the + mystery which they concealed, that, as though I myself were a hen and had + just laid an egg, I began to sing at the top of my voice. + </p> + <p> + All day long, during these walks, I had been able to muse upon the + pleasure that there would be in the friendship of the Duchesse de + Guermantes, in fishing for trout, in drifting by myself in a boat on the + Vivonne; and, greedy for happiness, I asked nothing more from life, in + such moments, than that it should consist always of a series of joyous + afternoons. But when, on our way home, I had caught sight of a farm, on + the left of the road, at some distance from two other farms which were + themselves close together, and from which, to return to Combray, we need + only turn down an avenue of oaks, bordered on one side by a series of + orchard-closes, each one planted at regular intervals with apple-trees + which cast upon the ground, when they were lighted by the setting sun, the + Japanese stencil of their shadows; then, sharply, my heart would begin to + beat, I would know that in half an hour we should be at home, and that + there, as was the rule on days when we had taken the 'Guermantes way' and + dinner was, in consequence, served later than usual, I should be sent to + bed as soon as I had swallowed my soup, so that my mother, kept at table, + just as though there had been company to dinner, would not come upstairs + to say good night to me in bed. The zone of melancholy which I then + entered was totally distinct from that other zone, in which I had been + bounding for joy a moment earlier, just as sometimes in the sky a band of + pink is separated, as though by a line invisibly ruled, from a band of + green or black. You may see a bird flying across the pink; it draws near + the border-line, touches it, enters and is lost upon the black. The + longings by which I had just now been absorbed, to go to Guermantes, to + travel, to live a life of happiness—I was now so remote from them + that their fulfilment would have afforded me no pleasure. How readily + would I have sacrificed them all, just to be able to cry, all night long, + in the arms of Mamma! Shuddering with emotion, I could not take my + agonised eyes from my mother's face, which was not to appear that evening + in the bedroom where I could see myself already lying, in imagination; and + wished only that I were lying dead. And this state would persist until the + morrow, when, the rays of morning leaning their bars of light, as the + gardener might lean his ladder, against the wall overgrown with + nasturtiums, which clambered up it as far as my window-sill, I would leap + out of bed to run down at once into the garden, with no thought of the + fact that evening must return, and with it the hour when I must leave my + mother. And so it was from the 'Guermantes way' that I learned to + distinguish between these states which reigned alternately in my mind, + during certain periods, going so far as to divide every day between them, + each one returning to dispossess the other with the regularity of a fever + and ague: contiguous, and yet so foreign to one another, so devoid of + means of communication, that I could no longer understand, or even picture + to myself, in one state what I had desired or dreaded or even done in the + other. + </p> + <p> + So the 'Méséglise way' and the 'Guermantes way' remain for me linked with + many of the little incidents of that one of all the divers lives along + whose parallel lines we are moved, which is the most abundant in sudden + reverses of fortune, the richest in episodes; I mean the life of the mind. + Doubtless it makes in us an imperceptible progress, and the truths which + have changed for us its meaning and its aspect, which have opened new + paths before our feet, we had for long been preparing for their discovery; + but that preparation was unconscious; and for us those truths date only + from the day, from the minute when they became apparent. The flowers which + played then among the grass, the water which rippled past in the sunshine, + the whole landscape which served as environment to their apparition + lingers around the memory of them still with its unconscious or unheeding + air; and, certainly, when they were slowly scrutinised by this humble + passer-by, by this dreaming child—as the face of a king is + scrutinised by a petitioner lost in the crowd—that scrap of nature, + that corner of a garden could never suppose that it would be thanks to him + that they would be elected to survive in all their most ephemeral details; + and yet the scent of hawthorn which strays plundering along the hedge from + which, in a little while, the dog-roses will have banished it, a sound of + footsteps followed by no echo, upon a gravel path, a bubble formed at the + side of a waterplant by the current, and formed only to burst—my + exaltation of mind has borne them with it, and has succeeded in making + them traverse all these successive years, while all around them the + one-trodden ways have vanished, while those who thronged those ways, and + even the memory of those who thronged those trodden ways, are dead. + Sometimes the fragment of landscape thus transported into the present will + detach itself in such isolation from all associations that it floats + uncertainly upon my mind, like a flowering isle of Delos, and I am unable + to say from what place, from what time—perhaps, quite simply, from + which of my dreams—it comes. But it is pre-eminently as the deepest + layer of my mental soil, as firm sites on which I still may build, that I + regard the Méséglise and Guermantes 'ways.' It is because I used to think + of certain things, of certain people, while I was roaming along them, that + the things, the people which they taught me to know, and these alone, I + still take seriously, still give me joy. Whether it be that the faith + which creates has ceased to exist in me, or that reality will take shape + in the memory alone, the flowers that people shew me nowadays for the + first time never seem to me to be true flowers. The 'Méséglise way' with + its lilacs, its hawthorns, its cornflowers, its poppies, its apple-trees, + the 'Guermantes way' with its river full of tadpoles, its water-lilies, + and its buttercups have constituted for me for all time the picture of the + land in which I fain would pass my life, in which my only requirements are + that I may go out fishing, drift idly in a boat, see the ruins of a gothic + fortress in the grass, and find hidden among the cornfields—as + Saint-André-des-Champs lay hidden—an old church, monumental, rustic, + and yellow like a mill-stone; and the cornflowers, the hawthorns, the + apple-trees which I may happen, when I go walking, to encounter in the + fields, because they are situated at the same depth, on the level of my + past life, at once establish contact with my heart. And yet, because there + is an element of individuality in places, when I am seized with a desire + to see again the 'Guermantes way,' it would not be satisfied were I led to + the banks of a river in which were lilies as fair, or even fairer than + those in the Vivonne, any more than on my return home in the evening, at + the hour when there awakened in me that anguish which, later on in life, + transfers itself to the passion of love, and may even become its + inseparable companion, I should have wished for any strange mother to come + in and say good night to me, though she were far more beautiful and more + intelligent than my own. No: just as the one thing necessary to send me to + sleep contented (in that untroubled peace which no mistress, in later + years, has ever been able to give me, since one has doubts of them at the + moment when one believes in them, and never can possess their hearts as I + used to receive, in her kiss, the heart of my mother, complete, without + scruple or reservation, unburdened by any liability save to myself) was + that it should be my mother who came, that she should incline towards me + that face on which there was, beneath her eye, something that was, it + appears, a blemish, and which I loved as much as all the rest—so + what I want to see again is the 'Guermantes way' as I knew it, with the + farm that stood a little apart from the two neighbouring farms, pressed so + close together, at the entrance to the oak avenue; those meadows upon + whose surface, when it is polished by the sun to the mirroring radiance of + a lake, are outlined the leaves of the apple-trees; that whole landscape + whose individuality sometimes, at night, in my dreams, binds me with a + power that is almost fantastic, of which I can discover no trace when I + awake. + </p> + <p> + No doubt, by virtue of having permanently and indissolubly combined in me + groups of different impressions, for no reason save that they had made me + feel several separate things at the same time, the Méséglise and + Guermantes 'ways' left me exposed, in later life, to much disillusionment, + and even to many mistakes. For often I have wished to see a person again + without realising that it was simply because that person recalled to me a + hedge of hawthorns in blossom; and I have been led to believe, and to make + some one else believe in an aftermath of affection, by what was no more + than an inclination to travel. But by the same qualities, and by their + persistence in those of my impressions, to-day, to which they can find an + attachment, the two 'ways' give to those impressions a foundation, depth, + a dimension lacking from the rest. They invest them, too, with a charm, a + significance which is for me alone. When, on a summer evening, the + resounding sky growls like a tawny lion, and everyone is complaining of + the storm, it is along the 'Méséglise way' that my fancy strays alone in + ecstasy, inhaling, through the noise of falling rain, the odour of + invisible and persistent lilac-trees. + </p> + <p> + And so I would often lie until morning, dreaming of the old days at + Combray, of my melancholy and wakeful evenings there; of other days + besides, the memory of which had been more lately restored to me by the + taste—by what would have been called at Combray the 'perfume'—-of + a cup of tea; and, by an association of memories, of a story which, many + years after I had left the little place, had been told me of a love affair + in which Swann had been involved before I was born; with that accuracy of + detail which it is easier, often, to obtain when we are studying the lives + of people who have been dead for centuries than when we are trying to + chronicle those of our own most intimate friends, an accuracy which it + seems as impossible to attain as it seemed impossible to speak from one + town to another, before we learned of the contrivance by which that + impossibility has been overcome. All these memories, following one after + another, were condensed into a single substance, but had not so far + coalesced that I could not discern between the three strata, between my + oldest, my instinctive memories, those others, inspired more recently by a + taste or 'perfume,' and those which were actually the memories of another, + from whom I had acquired them at second hand—no fissures, indeed, no + geological faults, but at least those veins, those streaks of colour which + in certain rocks, in certain marbles, point to differences of origin, age, + and formation. + </p> + <p> + It is true that, when morning drew near, I would long have settled the + brief uncertainty of my waking dream, I would know in what room I was + actually lying, would have reconstructed it round about me in the + darkness, and—fixing my orientation by memory alone, or with the + assistance of a feeble glimmer of light at the foot of which I placed the + curtains and the window—would have reconstructed it complete and + with its furniture, as an architect and an upholsterer might do, working + upon an original, discarded plan of the doors and windows; would have + replaced the mirrors and set the chest-of-drawers on its accustomed site. + But scarcely had daylight itself—and no longer the gleam from a + last, dying ember on a brass curtain-rod, which I had mistaken for + daylight—traced across the darkness, as with a stroke of chalk + across a blackboard, its first white correcting ray, when the window, with + its curtains, would leave the frame of the doorway, in which I had + erroneously placed it, while, to make room for it, the writing-table, + which my memory had clumsily fixed where the window ought to be, would + hurry off at full speed, thrusting before it the mantelpiece, and sweeping + aside the wall of the passage; the well of the courtyard would be + enthroned on the spot where, a moment earlier, my dressing-room had lain, + and the dwelling-place which I had built up for myself in the darkness + would have gone to join all those other dwellings of which I had caught + glimpses from the whirlpool of awakening; put to flight by that pale sign + traced above my window-curtains by the uplifted forefinger of day. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + SWANN IN LOVE + </h2> + <p> + To admit you to the 'little nucleus,' the 'little group,' the 'little + clan' at the Verdurins', one condition sufficed, but that one was + indispensable; you must give tacit adherence to a Creed one of whose + articles was that the young pianist, whom Mme. Verdurin had taken under + her patronage that year, and of whom she said "Really, it oughtn't to be + allowed, to play Wagner as well as that!" left both Planté and Rubinstein + 'sitting'; while Dr. Cottard was a more brilliant diagnostician than + Potain. Each 'new recruit' whom the Verdurins failed to persuade that the + evenings spent by other people, in other houses than theirs, were as dull + as ditch-water, saw himself banished forthwith. Women being in this + respect more rebellious than men, more reluctant to lay aside all worldly + curiosity and the desire to find out for themselves whether other + drawing-rooms might not sometimes be as entertaining, and the Verdurins + feeling, moreover, that this critical spirit and this demon of frivolity + might, by their contagion, prove fatal to the orthodoxy of the little + church, they had been obliged to expel, one after another, all those of + the 'faithful' who were of the female sex. + </p> + <p> + Apart from the doctor's young wife, they were reduced almost exclusively + that season (for all that Mme. Verdurin herself was a thoroughly 'good' + woman, and came of a respectable middle-class family, excessively rich and + wholly undistinguished, with which she had gradually and of her own accord + severed all connection) to a young woman almost of a 'certain class,' a + Mme. de Crécy, whom Mme. Verdurin called by her Christian name, Odette, + and pronounced a 'love,' and to the pianist's aunt, who looked as though + she had, at one period, 'answered the bell': ladies quite ignorant of the + world, who in their social simplicity were so easily led to believe that + the Princesse de Sagan and the Duchesse de Guermantes were obliged to pay + large sums of money to other poor wretches, in order to have anyone at + their dinner-parties, that if somebody had offered to procure them an + invitation to the house of either of those great dames, the old doorkeeper + and the woman of 'easy virtue' would have contemptuously declined. + </p> + <p> + The Verdurins never invited you to dinner; you had your 'place laid' + there. There was never any programme for the evening's entertainment. The + young pianist would play, but only if he felt inclined, for no one was + forced to do anything, and, as M. Verdurin used to say: "We're all friends + here. Liberty Hall, you know!" + </p> + <p> + If the pianist suggested playing the Ride of the Valkyries, or the Prelude + to Tristan, Mme. Verdurin would protest, not that the music was + displeasing to her, but, on the contrary, that it made too violent an + impression. "Then you want me to have one of my headaches? You know quite + well, it's the same every time he plays that. I know what I'm in for. + Tomorrow, when I want to get up—nothing doing!" If he was not going + to play they talked, and one of the friends—usually the painter who + was in favour there that year—would "spin," as M. Verdurin put it, + "a damned funny yarn that made 'em all split with laughter," and + especially Mme. Verdurin, for whom—so strong was her habit of taking + literally the figurative accounts of her emotions—Dr. Cottard, who + was then just starting in general practice, would "really have to come one + day and set her jaw, which she had dislocated with laughing too much." + </p> + <p> + Evening dress was barred, because you were all 'good pals,' and didn't + want to look like the 'boring people' who were to be avoided like the + plague, and only asked to the big evenings, which were given as seldom as + possible, and then only if it would amuse the painter or make the musician + better known. The rest of the time you were quite happy playing charades + and having supper in fancy dress, and there was no need to mingle any + strange element with the little 'clan.' + </p> + <p> + But just as the 'good pals' came to take a more and more prominent place + in Mme. Verdurin's life, so the 'bores,' the 'nuisances' grew to include + everybody and everything that kept her friends away from her, that made + them sometimes plead 'previous engagements,' the mother of one, the + professional duties of another, the 'little place in the country' of a + third. If Dr. Cottard felt bound to say good night as soon as they rose + from table, so as to go back to some patient who was seriously ill; "I + don't know," Mme. Verdurin would say, "I'm sure it will do him far more + good if you don't go disturbing him again this evening; he will have a + good night without you; to-morrow morning you can go round early and you + will find him cured." From the beginning of December it would make her + quite ill to think that the 'faithful' might fail her on Christmas and New + Year's Days. The pianist's aunt insisted that he must accompany her, on + the latter, to a family dinner at her mother's. + </p> + <p> + "You don't suppose she'll die, your mother," exclaimed Mme. Verdurin + bitterly, "if you don't have dinner with her on New Year's Day, like + people in the <i>provinces</i>!" + </p> + <p> + Her uneasiness was kindled again in Holy Week: "Now you, Doctor, you're a + sensible, broad-minded man; you'll come, of course, on Good Friday, just + like any other day?" she said to Cottard in the first year of the little + 'nucleus,' in a loud and confident voice, as though there could be no + doubt of his answer. But she trembled as she waited for it, for if he did + not come she might find herself condemned to dine alone. + </p> + <p> + "I shall come on Good Friday—to say good-bye to you, for we are + going to spend the holidays in Auvergne." + </p> + <p> + "In Auvergne? To be eaten by fleas and all sorts of creatures! A fine lot + of good that will do you!" And after a solemn pause: "If you had only told + us, we would have tried to get up a party, and all gone there together, + comfortably." + </p> + <p> + And so, too, if one of the 'faithful' had a friend, or one of the ladies a + young man, who was liable, now and then, to make them miss an evening, the + Verdurins, who were not in the least afraid of a woman's having a lover, + provided that she had him in their company, loved him in their company and + did not prefer him to their company, would say: "Very well, then, bring + your friend along." And he would be put to the test, to see whether he was + willing to have no secrets from Mme. Verdurin, whether he was susceptible + of being enrolled in the 'little clan.' If he failed to pass, the faithful + one who had introduced him would be taken on one side, and would be + tactfully assisted to quarrel with the friend or mistress. But if the test + proved satisfactory, the newcomer would in turn be numbered among the + 'faithful.' And so when, in the course of this same year, the courtesan + told M. Verdurin that she had made the acquaintance of such a charming + gentleman, M. Swann, and hinted that he would very much like to be allowed + to come, M. Verdurin carried the request at once to his wife. He never + formed an opinion on any subject until she had formed hers, his special + duty being to carry out her wishes and those of the 'faithful' generally, + which he did with boundless ingenuity. + </p> + <p> + "My dear, Mme. de Crécy has something to say to you. She would like to + bring one of her friends here, a M. Swann. What do you say?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, as if anybody could refuse anything to a little piece of perfection + like that. Be quiet; no one asked your opinion. I tell you that you are a + piece of perfection." + </p> + <p> + "Just as you like," replied Odette, in an affected tone, and then went on: + "You know I'm not fishing for compliments." + </p> + <p> + "Very well; bring your friend, if he's nice." + </p> + <p> + Now there was no connection whatsoever between the 'little nucleus' and + the society which Swann frequented, and a purely worldly man would have + thought it hardly worth his while, when occupying so exceptional a + position in the world, to seek an introduction to the Verdurins. But Swann + was so ardent a lover that, once he had got to know almost all the women + of the aristocracy, once they had taught him all that there was to learn, + he had ceased to regard those naturalisation papers, almost a patent of + nobility, which the Faubourg Saint-Germain had bestowed upon him, save as + a sort of negotiable bond, a letter of credit with no intrinsic value, + which allowed him to improvise a status for himself in some little hole in + the country, or in some obscure quarter of Paris, where the good-looking + daughter of a local squire or solicitor had taken his fancy. For at such + times desire, or love itself, would revive in him a feeling of vanity from + which he was now quite free in his everyday life, although it was, no + doubt, the same feeling which had originally prompted him towards that + career as a man of fashion in which he had squandered his intellectual + gifts upon frivolous amusements, and had made use of his erudition in + matters of art only to advise society ladies what pictures to buy and how + to decorate their houses; and this vanity it was which made him eager to + shine, in the sight of any fair unknown who had captivated him for the + moment, with a brilliance which the name of Swann by itself did not emit. + And he was most eager when the fair unknown was in humble circumstances. + Just as it is not by other men of intelligence that an intelligent man is + afraid of being thought a fool, so it is not by the great gentleman but by + boors and 'bounders' that a man of fashion is afraid of finding his social + value underrated. Three-fourths of the mental ingenuity displayed, of the + social falsehoods scattered broadcast ever since the world began by people + whose importance they have served only to diminish, have been aimed at + inferiors. And Swann, who behaved quite simply and was at his ease when + with a duchess, would tremble for fear of being despised, and would + instantly begin to pose, were he to meet her grace's maid. + </p> + <p> + Unlike so many people, who, either from lack of energy or else from a + resigned sense of the obligation laid upon them by their social grandeur + to remain moored like houseboats to a certain point on the bank of the + stream of life, abstain from the pleasures which are offered to them above + and below that point, that degree in life in which they will remain fixed + until the day of their death, and are content, in the end, to describe as + pleasures, for want of any better, those mediocre distractions, that just + not intolerable tedium which is enclosed there with them; Swann would + endeavour not to find charm and beauty in the women with whom he must pass + time, but to pass his time among women whom he had already found to be + beautiful and charming. And these were, as often as not, women whose + beauty was of a distinctly 'common' type, for the physical qualities which + attracted him instinctively, and without reason, were the direct opposite + of those that he admired in the women painted or sculptured by his + favourite masters. Depth of character, or a melancholy expression on a + woman's face would freeze his senses, which would, however, immediately + melt at the sight of healthy, abundant, rosy human flesh. + </p> + <p> + If on his travels he met a family whom it would have been more correct for + him to make no attempt to know, but among whom a woman caught his eye, + adorned with a special charm that was new to him, to remain on his 'high + horse' and to cheat the desire that she had kindled in him, to substitute + a pleasure different from that which he might have tasted in her company + by writing to invite one of his former mistresses to come and join him, + would have seemed to him as cowardly an abdication in the face of life, as + stupid a renunciation of a new form of happiness as if, instead of + visiting the country where he was, he had shut himself up in his own rooms + and looked at 'views' of Paris. He did not immure himself in the solid + structure of his social relations, but had made of them, so as to be able + to set it up afresh upon new foundations wherever a woman might take his + fancy, one of those collapsible tents which explorers carry about with + them. Any part of it which was not portable or could not be adapted to + some fresh pleasure he would discard as valueless, however enviable it + might appear to others. How often had his credit with a duchess, built up + of the yearly accumulation of her desire to do him some favour for which + she had never found an opportunity, been squandered in a moment by his + calling upon her, in an indiscreetly worded message, for a recommendation + by telegraph which would put him in touch at once with one of her agents + whose daughter he had noticed in the country, just as a starving man might + barter a diamond for a crust of bread. Indeed, when it was too late, he + would laugh at himself for it, for there was in his nature, redeemed by + many rare refinements, an element of clownishness. Then he belonged to + that class of intelligent men who have led a life of idleness, and who + seek consolation and, perhaps, an excuse in the idea, which their idleness + offers to their intelligence, of objects as worthy of their interest as + any that could be attained by art or learning, the idea that 'Life' + contains situations more interesting and more romantic than all the + romances ever written. So, at least, he would assure and had no difficulty + in persuading the more subtle among his friends in the fashionable world, + notably the Baron de Charlus, whom he liked to amuse with stories of the + startling adventures that had befallen him, such as when he had met a + woman in the train, and had taken her home with him, before discovering + that she was the sister of a reigning monarch, in whose hands were + gathered, at that moment, all the threads of European politics, of which + he found himself kept informed in the most delightful fashion, or when, in + the complexity of circumstances, it depended upon the choice which the + Conclave was about to make whether he might or might not become the lover + of somebody's cook. + </p> + <p> + It was not only the brilliant phalanx of virtuous dowagers, generals and + academicians, to whom he was bound by such close ties, that Swann + compelled with so much cynicism to serve him as panders. All his friends + were accustomed to receive, from time to time, letters which called on + them for a word of recommendation or introduction, with a diplomatic + adroitness which, persisting throughout all his successive 'affairs' and + using different pretexts, revealed more glaringly than the clumsiest + indiscretion, a permanent trait in his character and an unvarying quest. I + used often to recall to myself when, many years later, I began to take an + interest in his character because of the similarities which, in wholly + different respects, it offered to my own, how, when he used to write to my + grandfather (though not at the time we are now considering, for it was + about the date of my own birth that Swann's great 'affair' began, and made + a long interruption in his amatory practices) the latter, recognising his + friend's handwriting on the envelope, would exclaim: "Here is Swann asking + for something; on guard!" And, either from distrust or from the + unconscious spirit of devilry which urges us to offer a thing only to + those who do not want it, my grandparents would meet with an obstinate + refusal the most easily satisfied of his prayers, as when he begged them + for an introduction to a girl who dined with us every Sunday, and whom + they were obliged, whenever Swann mentioned her, to pretend that they no + longer saw, although they would be wondering, all through the week, whom + they could invite to meet her, and often failed, in the end, to find + anyone, sooner than make a sign to him who would so gladly have accepted. + </p> + <p> + Occasionally a couple of my grandparents' acquaintance, who had been + complaining for some time that they never saw Swann now, would announce + with satisfaction, and perhaps with a slight inclination to make my + grandparents envious of them, that he had suddenly become as charming as + he could possibly be, and was never out of their house. My grandfather + would not care to shatter their pleasant illusion, but would look at my + grandmother, as he hummed the air of: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + What is this mystery? + I cannot understand it; +</pre> + <p> + or of: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Vision fugitive...; + In matters such as this + 'Tis best to close one's eyes. +</pre> + <p> + A few months later, if my grandfather asked Swann's new friend "What about + Swann? Do you still see as much of him as ever?" the other's face would + lengthen: "Never mention his name to me again!" + </p> + <p> + "But I thought that you were such friends..." + </p> + <p> + He had been intimate in this way for several months with some cousins of + my grandmother, dining almost every evening at their house. Suddenly, and + without any warning, he ceased to appear. They supposed him to be ill, and + the lady of the house was going to send to inquire for him when, in her + kitchen, she found a letter in his hand, which her cook had left by + accident in the housekeeping book. In this he announced that he was + leaving Paris and would not be able to come to the house again. The cook + had been his mistress, and at the moment of breaking off relations she was + the only one of the household whom he had thought it necessary to inform. + </p> + <p> + But when his mistress for the time being was a woman in society, or at + least one whose birth was not so lowly, nor her position so irregular that + he was unable to arrange for her reception in 'society,' then for her sake + he would return to it, but only to the particular orbit in which she moved + or into which he had drawn her. "No good depending on Swann for this + evening," people would say; "don't you remember, it's his American's night + at the Opera?" He would secure invitations for her to the most exclusive + drawing-rooms, to those houses where he himself went regularly, for weekly + dinners or for poker; every evening, after a slight 'wave' imparted to his + stiffly brushed red locks had tempered with a certain softness the ardour + of his bold green eyes, he would select a flower for his buttonhole and + set out to meet his mistress at the house of one or other of the women of + his circle; and then, thinking of the affection and admiration which the + fashionable folk, whom he always treated exactly as he pleased, would, + when he met them there, lavish upon him in the presence of the woman whom + he loved, he would find a fresh charm in that worldly existence of which + he had grown weary, but whose substance, pervaded and warmly coloured by + the flickering light which he had slipped into its midst, seemed to him + beautiful and rare, now that he had incorporated in it a fresh love. + </p> + <p> + But while each of these attachments, each of these flirtations had been + the realisation, more or less complete, of a dream born of the sight of a + face or a form which Swann had spontaneously, and without effort on his + part, found charming, it was quite another matter when, one day at the + theatre, he was introduced to Odette de Crécy by an old friend of his own, + who had spoken of her to him as a ravishing creature with whom he might + very possibly come to an understanding; but had made her out to be harder + of conquest than she actually was, so as to appear to be conferring a + special favour by the introduction. She had struck Swann not, certainly, + as being devoid of beauty, but as endowed with a style of beauty which + left him indifferent, which aroused in him no desire, which gave him, + indeed, a sort of physical repulsion; as one of those women of whom every + man can name some, and each will name different examples, who are the + converse of the type which our senses demand. To give him any pleasure her + profile was too sharp, her skin too delicate, her cheek-bones too + prominent, her features too tightly drawn. Her eyes were fine, but so + large that they seemed to be bending beneath their own weight, strained + the rest of her face and always made her appear unwell or in an ill + humour. Some time after this introduction at the theatre she had written + to ask Swann whether she might see his collections, which would interest + her so much, she, "an ignorant woman with a taste for beautiful things," + saying that she would know him better when once she had seen him in his + 'home,' where she imagined him to be "so comfortable with his tea and his + books"; although she had not concealed her surprise at his being in that + part of the town, which must be so depressing, and was "not nearly smart + enough for such a very smart man." And when he allowed her to come she had + said to him as she left how sorry she was to have stayed so short a time + in a house into which she was so glad to have found her way at last, + speaking of him as though he had meant something more to her than the rest + of the people she knew, and appearing to unite their two selves with a + kind of romantic bond which had made him smile. But at the time of life, + tinged already with disenchantment, which Swann was approaching, when a + man can content himself with being in love for the pleasure of loving + without expecting too much in return, this linking of hearts, if it is no + longer, as in early youth, the goal towards which love, of necessity, + tends, still is bound to love by so strong an association of ideas that it + may well become the cause of love if it presents itself first. In his + younger days a man dreams of possessing the heart of the woman whom he + loves; later, the feeling that he possesses the heart of a woman may be + enough to make him fall in love with her. And so, at an age when it would + appear—since one seeks in love before everything else a subjective + pleasure—that the taste for feminine beauty must play the larger + part in its procreation, love may come into being, love of the most + physical order, without any foundation in desire. At this time of life a + man has already been wounded more than once by the darts of love; it no + longer evolves by itself, obeying its own incomprehensible and fatal laws, + before his passive and astonished heart. We come to its aid; we falsify it + by memory and by suggestion; recognising one of its symptoms we recall and + recreate the rest. Since we possess its hymn, engraved on our hearts in + its entirety, there is no need of any woman to repeat the opening lines, + potent with the admiration which her beauty inspires, for us to remember + all that follows. And if she begin in the middle, where it sings of our + existing, henceforward, for one another only, we are well enough attuned + to that music to be able to take it up and follow our partner, without + hesitation, at the first pause in her voice. + </p> + <p> + Odette de Crécy came again to see Swann; her visits grew more frequent, + and doubtless each visit revived the sense of disappointment which he felt + at the sight of a face whose details he had somewhat forgotten in the + interval, not remembering it as either so expressive or, in spite of her + youth, so faded; he used to regret, while she was talking to him, that her + really considerable beauty was not of the kind which he spontaneously + admired. It must be remarked that Odette's face appeared thinner and more + prominent than it actually was, because her forehead and the upper part of + her cheeks, a single and almost plane surface, were covered by the masses + of hair which women wore at that period, drawn forward in a fringe, raised + in crimped waves and falling in stray locks over her ears; while as for + her figure, and she was admirably built, it was impossible to make out its + continuity (on account of the fashion then prevailing, and in spite of her + being one of the best-dressed women in Paris) for the corset, jetting + forwards in an arch, as though over an imaginary stomach, and ending in a + sharp point, beneath which bulged out the balloon of her double skirts, + gave a woman, that year, the appearance of being composed of different + sections badly fitted together; to such an extent did the frills, the + flounces, the inner bodice follow, in complete independence, controlled + only by the fancy of their designer or the rigidity of their material, the + line which led them to the knots of ribbon, falls of lace, fringes of + vertically hanging jet, or carried them along the bust, but nowhere + attached themselves to the living creature, who, according as the + architecture of their fripperies drew them towards or away from her own, + found herself either strait-laced to suffocation or else completely + buried. + </p> + <p> + But, after Odette had left him, Swann would think with a smile of her + telling him how the time would drag until he allowed her to come again; he + remembered the anxious, timid way in which she had once begged him that it + might not be very long, and the way in which she had looked at him then, + fixing upon him her fearful and imploring gaze, which gave her a touching + air beneath the bunches of artificial pansies fastened in the front of her + round bonnet of white straw, tied with strings of black velvet. "And won't + you," she had ventured, "come just once and take tea with me?" He had + pleaded pressure of work, an essay—which, in reality, he had + abandoned years ago—on Vermeer of Delft. "I know that I am quite + useless," she had replied, "a little wild thing like me beside a learned + great man like you. I should be like the frog in the fable! And yet I + should so much like to learn, to know things, to be initiated. What fun it + would be to become a regular bookworm, to bury my nose in a lot of old + papers!" she had gone on, with that self-satisfied air which a smart woman + adopts when she insists that her one desire is to give herself up, without + fear of soiling her fingers, to some unclean task, such as cooking the + dinner, with her "hands right in the dish itself." "You will only laugh at + me, but this painter who stops you from seeing me," she meant Vermeer, "I + have never even heard of him; is he alive still? Can I see any of his + things in Paris, so as to have some idea of what is going on behind that + great brow which works so hard, that head which I feel sure is always + puzzling away about things; just to be able to say 'There, that's what + he's thinking about!' What a dream it would be to be able to help you with + your work." + </p> + <p> + He had sought an excuse in his fear of forming new friendships, which he + gallantly described as his fear of a hopeless passion. "You are afraid of + falling in love? How funny that is, when I go about seeking nothing else, + and would give my soul just to find a little love somewhere!" she had + said, so naturally and with such an air of conviction that he had been + genuinely touched. "Some woman must have made you suffer. And you think + that the rest are all like her. She can't have understood you: you are so + utterly different from ordinary men. That's what I liked about you when I + first saw you; I felt at once that you weren't like everybody else." + </p> + <p> + "And then, besides, there's yourself——" he had continued, "I + know what women are; you must have a whole heap of things to do, and never + any time to spare." + </p> + <p> + "I? Why, I have never anything to do. I am always free, and I always will + be free if you want me. At whatever hour of the day or night it may suit + you to see me, just send for me, and I shall be only too delighted to + come. Will you do that? Do you know what I should really like—to + introduce you to Mme. Verdurin, where I go every evening. Just fancy my + finding you there, and thinking that it was a little for my sake that you + had gone." + </p> + <p> + No doubt, in thus remembering their conversations, in thinking about her + thus when he was alone, he did no more than call her image into being + among those of countless other women in his romantic dreams; but if, + thanks to some accidental circumstance (or even perhaps without that + assistance, for the circumstance which presents itself at the moment when + a mental state, hitherto latent, makes itself felt, may well have had no + influence whatsoever upon that state), the image of Odette de Crécy came + to absorb the whole of his dreams, if from those dreams the memory of her + could no longer be eliminated, then her bodily imperfections would no + longer be of the least importance, nor would the conformity of her body, + more or less than any other, to the requirements of Swann's taste; since, + having become the body of her whom he loved, it must henceforth be the + only one capable of causing him joy or anguish. + </p> + <p> + It so happened that my grandfather had known—which was more than + could be said of any other actual acquaintance—the family of these + Verdurins. But he had entirely severed his connection with what he called + "young Verdurin," taking a general view of him as one who had fallen—though + without losing hold of his millions—among the riff-raff of Bohemia. + One day he received a letter from Swann asking whether my grandfather + could put him in touch with the Verdurins. "On guard! on guard!" he + exclaimed as he read it, "I am not at all surprised; Swann was bound to + finish up like this. A nice lot of people! I cannot do what he asks, + because, in the first place, I no longer know the gentleman in question. + Besides, there must be a woman in it somewhere, and I don't mix myself up + in such matters. Ah, well, we shall see some fun if Swann begins running + after the little Verdurins." + </p> + <p> + And on my grandfather's refusal to act as sponsor, it was Odette herself + who had taken Swann to the house. + </p> + <p> + The Verdurins had had dining with them, on the day when Swann made his + first appearance, Dr. and Mme. Cottard, the young pianist and his aunt, + and the painter then in favour, while these were joined, in the course of + the evening, by several more of the 'faithful.' + </p> + <p> + Dr. Cottard was never quite certain of the tone in which he ought to reply + to any observation, or whether the speaker was jesting or in earnest. And + so in any event he would embellish all his facial expressions with the + offer of a conditional, a provisional smile whose expectant subtlety would + exonerate him from the charge of being a simpleton, if the remark + addressed to him should turn out to have been facetious. But as he must + also be prepared to face the alternative, he never dared to allow this + smile a definite expression on his features, and you would see there a + perpetually flickering uncertainty, in which you might decipher the + question that he never dared to ask: "Do you really mean that?" He was no + more confident of the manner in which he ought to conduct himself in the + street, or indeed in life generally, than he was in a drawing-room; and he + might be seen greeting passers-by, carriages, and anything that occurred + with a malicious smile which absolved his subsequent behaviour of all + impropriety, since it proved, if it should turn out unsuited to the + occasion, that he was well aware of that, and that if he had assumed a + smile, the jest was a secret of his own. + </p> + <p> + On all those points, however, where a plain question appeared to him to be + permissible, the Doctor was unsparing in his endeavours to cultivate the + wilderness of his ignorance and uncertainty and so to complete his + education. + </p> + <p> + So it was that, following the advice given him by a wise mother on his + first coming up to the capital from his provincial home, he would never + let pass either a figure of speech or a proper name that was new to him + without an effort to secure the fullest information upon it. + </p> + <p> + As regards figures of speech, he was insatiable in his thirst for + knowledge, for often imagining them to have a more definite meaning than + was actually the case, he would want to know what, exactly, was intended + by those which he most frequently heard used: 'devilish pretty,' 'blue + blood,' 'a cat and dog life,' 'a day of reckoning,' 'a queen of fashion, + 'to give a free hand,' 'to be at a deadlock,' and so forth; and in what + particular circumstances he himself might make use of them in + conversation. Failing these, he would adorn it with puns and other 'plays + upon words' which he had learned by rote. As for the names of strangers + which were uttered in his hearing, he used merely to repeat them to + himself in a questioning tone, which, he thought, would suffice to furnish + him with explanations for which he would not ostensibly seek. + </p> + <p> + As the critical faculty, on the universal application of which he prided + himself, was, in reality, completely lacking, that refinement of good + breeding which consists in assuring some one whom you are obliging in any + way, without expecting to be believed, that it is really yourself that is + obliged to him, was wasted on Cottard, who took everything that he heard + in its literal sense. However blind she may have been to his faults, Mme. + Verdurin was genuinely annoyed, though she still continued to regard him + as brilliantly clever, when, after she had invited him to see and hear + Sarah Bernhardt from a stage box, and had said politely: "It is very good + of you to have come, Doctor, especially as I'm sure you must often have + heard Sarah Bernhardt; and besides, I'm afraid we're rather too near the + stage," the Doctor, who had come into the box with a smile which waited + before settling upon or vanishing from his face until some one in + authority should enlighten him as to the merits of the spectacle, replied: + "To be sure, we are far too near the stage, and one is getting sick of + Sarah Bernhardt. But you expressed a wish that I should come. For me, your + wish is a command. I am only too glad to be able to do you this little + service. What would one not do to please you, you are so good." And he + went on, "Sarah Bernhardt; that's what they call the Voice of God, ain't + it? You see, often, too, that she 'sets the boards on fire.' That's an odd + expression, ain't it?" in the hope of an enlightening commentary, which, + however, was not forthcoming. + </p> + <p> + "D'you know," Mme. Verdurin had said to her husband, "I believe we are + going the wrong way to work when we depreciate anything we offer the + Doctor. He is a scientist who lives quite apart from our everyday + existence; he knows nothing himself of what things are worth, and he + accepts everything that we say as gospel." + </p> + <p> + "I never dared to mention it," M. Verdurin had answered, "but I've noticed + the same thing myself." And on the following New Year's Day, instead of + sending Dr. Cottard a ruby that cost three thousand francs, and pretending + that it was a mere trifle, M. Verdurin bought an artificial stone for + three hundred, and let it be understood that it was something almost + impossible to match. + </p> + <p> + When Mme. Verdurin had announced that they were to see M. Swann that + evening; "Swann!" the Doctor had exclaimed in a tone rendered brutal by + his astonishment, for the smallest piece of news would always take utterly + unawares this man who imagined himself to be perpetually in readiness for + anything. And seeing that no one answered him, "Swann! Who on earth is + Swann?" he shouted, in a frenzy of anxiety which subsided as soon as Mme. + Verdurin had explained, "Why, Odette's friend, whom she told us about." + </p> + <p> + "Ah, good, good; that's all right, then," answered the Doctor, at once + mollified. As for the painter, he was overjoyed at the prospect of Swann's + appearing at the Verdurins', because he supposed him to be in love with + Odette, and was always ready to assist at lovers' meetings. "Nothing + amuses me more than match-making," he confided to Cottard; "I have been + tremendously successful, even with women!" + </p> + <p> + In telling the Verdurins that Swann was extremely 'smart,' Odette had + alarmed them with the prospect of another 'bore.' When he arrived, + however, he made an excellent impression, an indirect cause of which, + though they did not know it, was his familiarity with the best society. He + had, indeed, one of those advantages which men who have lived and moved in + the world enjoy over others, even men of intelligence and refinement, who + have never gone into society, namely that they no longer see it + transfigured by the longing or repulsion with which it fills the + imagination, but regard it as quite unimportant. Their good nature, freed + from all taint of snobbishness and from the fear of seeming too friendly, + grown independent, in fact, has the ease, the grace of movement of a + trained gymnast each of whose supple limbs will carry out precisely the + movement that is required without any clumsy participation by the rest of + his body. The simple and elementary gestures used by a man of the world + when he courteously holds out his hand to the unknown youth who is being + introduced to him, and when he bows discreetly before the Ambassador to + whom he is being introduced, had gradually pervaded, without his being + conscious of it, the whole of Swann's social deportment, so that in the + company of people of a lower grade than his own, such as the Verdurins and + their friends, he instinctively shewed an assiduity, and made overtures + with which, by their account, any of their 'bores' would have dispensed. + He chilled, though for a moment only, on meeting Dr. Cottard; for seeing + him close one eye with an ambiguous smile, before they had yet spoken to + one another (a grimace which Cottard styled "letting 'em all come"), Swann + supposed that the Doctor recognised him from having met him already + somewhere, probably in some house of 'ill-fame,' though these he himself + very rarely visited, never having made a habit of indulging in the + mercenary sort of love. Regarding such an allusion as in bad taste, + especially before Odette, whose opinion of himself it might easily alter + for the worse, Swann assumed his most icy manner. But when he learned that + the lady next to the Doctor was Mme. Cottard, he decided that so young a + husband would not deliberately, in his wife's hearing, have made any + allusion to amusements of that order, and so ceased to interpret the + Doctor's expression in the sense which he had at first suspected. The + painter at once invited Swann to visit his studio with Odette, and Swann + found him very pleasant. "Perhaps you will be more highly favoured than I + have been," Mme. Verdurin broke in, with mock resentment of the favour, + "perhaps you will be allowed to see Cottard's portrait" (for which she had + given the painter a commission). "Take care, Master Biche," she reminded + the painter, whom it was a time-honoured pleasantry to address as + 'Master,' "to catch that nice look in his eyes, that witty little twinkle. + You know, what I want to have most of all is his smile; that's what I've + asked you to paint—the portrait of his smile." And since the phrase + struck her as noteworthy, she repeated it very loud, so as to make sure + that as many as possible of her guests should hear it, and even made use + of some indefinite pretext to draw the circle closer before she uttered it + again. Swann begged to be introduced to everyone, even to an old friend of + the Verdurins, called Saniette, whose shyness, simplicity and good-nature + had deprived him of all the consideration due to his skill in + palaeography, his large fortune, and the distinguished family to which he + belonged. When he spoke, his words came with a confusion which was + delightful to hear because one felt that it indicated not so much a defect + in his speech as a quality of his soul, as it were a survival from the age + of innocence which he had never wholly outgrown. All the consonants which + he did not manage to pronounce seemed like harsh utterances of which his + gentle lips were incapable. By asking to be made known to M. Saniette, + Swann made M. Verdurin reverse the usual form of introduction (saying, in + fact, with emphasis on the distinction: "M. Swann, pray let me present to + you our friend Saniette") but he aroused in Saniette himself a warmth of + gratitude, which, however, the Verdurins never disclosed to Swann, since + Saniette rather annoyed them, and they did not feel bound to provide him + with friends. On the other hand the Verdurins were extremely touched by + Swann's next request, for he felt that he must ask to be introduced to the + pianist's aunt. She wore a black dress, as was her invariable custom, for + she believed that a woman always looked well in black, and that nothing + could be more distinguished; but her face was exceedingly red, as it + always was for some time after a meal. She bowed to Swann with deference, + but drew herself up again with great dignity. As she was entirely + uneducated, and was afraid of making mistakes in grammar and + pronunciation, she used purposely to speak in an indistinct and garbling + manner, thinking that if she should make a slip it would be so buried in + the surrounding confusion that no one could be certain whether she had + actually made it or not; with the result that her talk was a sort of + continuous, blurred expectoration, out of which would emerge, at rare + intervals, those sounds and syllables of which she felt positive. Swann + supposed himself entitled to poke a little mild fun at her in conversation + with M. Verdurin, who, however, was not at all amused. + </p> + <p> + "She is such an excellent woman!" he rejoined. "I grant you that she is + not exactly brilliant; but I assure you that she can talk most charmingly + when you are alone with her." + </p> + <p> + "I am sure she can," Swann hastened to conciliate him. "All I meant was + that she hardly struck me as 'distinguished,'" he went on, isolating the + epithet in the inverted commas of his tone, "and, after all, that is + something of a compliment." + </p> + <p> + "Wait a moment," said M. Verdurin, "now, this will surprise you; she + writes quite delightfully. You have never heard her nephew play? It is + admirable; eh, Doctor? Would you like me to ask him to play something, M. + Swann?" + </p> + <p> + "I should count myself most fortunate..." Swann was beginning, a trifle + pompously, when the Doctor broke in derisively. Having once heard it said, + and never having forgotten that in general conversation emphasis and the + use of formal expressions were out of date, whenever he heard a solemn + word used seriously, as the word 'fortunate' had been used just now by + Swann, he at once assumed that the speaker was being deliberately + pedantic. And if, moreover, the same word happened to occur, also, in what + he called an old 'tag' or 'saw,' however common it might still be in + current usage, the Doctor jumped to the conclusion that the whole thing + was a joke, and interrupted with the remaining words of the quotation, + which he seemed to charge the speaker with having intended to introduce at + that point, although in reality it had never entered his mind. + </p> + <p> + "Most fortunate for France!" he recited wickedly, shooting up both arms + with great vigour. M. Verdurin could not help laughing. + </p> + <p> + "What are all those good people laughing at over there? There's no sign of + brooding melancholy down in your corner," shouted Mme. Verdurin. "You + don't suppose I find it very amusing to be stuck up here by myself on the + stool of repentance," she went on peevishly, like a spoiled child. + </p> + <p> + Mme. Verdurin was sitting upon a high Swedish chair of waxed pine-wood, + which a violinist from that country had given her, and which she kept in + her drawing-room, although in appearance it suggested a school 'form,' and + 'swore,' as the saying is, at the really good antique furniture which she + had besides; but she made a point of keeping on view the presents which + her 'faithful' were in the habit of making her from time to time, so that + the donors might have the pleasure of seeing them there when they came to + the house. She tried to persuade them to confine their tributes to flowers + and sweets, which had at least the merit of mortality; but she was never + successful, and the house was gradually filled with a collection of + foot-warmers, cushions, clocks, screens, barometers and vases, a constant + repetition and a boundless incongruity of useless but indestructible + objects. + </p> + <p> + From this lofty perch she would take her spirited part in the conversation + of the 'faithful,' and would revel in all their fun; but, since the + accident to her jaw, she had abandoned the effort involved in real + hilarity, and had substituted a kind of symbolical dumb-show which + signified, without endangering or even fatiguing her in any way, that she + was 'laughing until she cried.' At the least witticism aimed by any of the + circle against a 'bore,' or against a former member of the circle who was + now relegated to the limbo of 'bores'—and to the utter despair of M. + Verdurin, who had always made out that he was just as easily amused as his + wife, but who, since his laughter was the 'real thing,' was out of breath + in a moment, and so was overtaken and vanquished by her device of a + feigned but continuous hilarity—she would utter a shrill cry, shut + tight her little bird-like eyes, which were beginning to be clouded over + by a cataract, and quickly, as though she had only just time to avoid some + indecent sight or to parry a mortal blow, burying her face in her hands, + which completely engulfed it, and prevented her from seeing anything at + all, she would appear to be struggling to suppress, to eradicate a laugh + which, were she to give way to it, must inevitably leave her inanimate. + So, stupefied with the gaiety of the 'faithful,' drunken with comradeship, + scandal and asseveration, Mme. Verdurin, perched on her high seat like a + cage-bird whose biscuit has been steeped in mulled wine, would sit aloft + and sob with fellow-feeling. + </p> + <p> + Meanwhile M. Verdurin, after first asking Swann's permission to light his + pipe ("No ceremony here, you understand; we're all pals!"), went and + begged the young musician to sit down at the piano. + </p> + <p> + "Leave him alone; don't bother him; he hasn't come here to be tormented," + cried Mme. Verdurin. "I won't have him tormented." + </p> + <p> + "But why on earth should it bother him?" rejoined M. Verdurin. "I'm sure + M. Swann has never heard the sonata in F sharp which we discovered; he is + going to play us the pianoforte arrangement." + </p> + <p> + "No, no, no, not my sonata!" she screamed, "I don't want to be made to cry + until I get a cold in the head, and neuralgia all down my face, like last + time; thanks very much, I don't intend to repeat that performance; you are + all very kind and considerate; it is easy to see that none of you will + have to stay in bed, for a week." + </p> + <p> + This little scene, which was re-enacted as often as the young pianist sat + down to play, never failed to delight the audience, as though each of them + were witnessing it for the first time, as a proof of the seductive + originality of the 'Mistress' as she was styled, and of the acute + sensitiveness of her musical 'ear.' Those nearest to her would attract the + attention of the rest, who were smoking or playing cards at the other end + of the room, by their cries of 'Hear, hear!' which, as in Parliamentary + debates, shewed that something worth listening to was being said. And next + day they would commiserate with those who had been prevented from coming + that evening, and would assure them that the 'little scene' had never been + so amusingly done. + </p> + <p> + "Well, all right, then," said M. Verdurin, "he can play just the andante." + </p> + <p> + "Just the <i>andante</i>! How you do go on," cried his wife. "As if it + weren't 'just the <i>andante</i>' that breaks every bone in my body. The + 'Master' is really too priceless! Just as though, 'in the Ninth,' he said + 'we need only have the <i>finale</i>,' or 'just the overture' of the <i>Meistersinger</i>." + </p> + <p> + The Doctor, however, urged Mme. Verdurin to let the pianist play, not + because he supposed her to be malingering when she spoke of the + distressing effects that music always had upon her, for he recognised the + existence of certain neurasthenic states—but from his habit, common + to many doctors, of at once relaxing the strict letter of a prescription + as soon as it appeared to jeopardise, what seemed to him far more + important, the success of some social gathering at which he was present, + and of which the patient whom he had urged for once to forget her + dyspepsia or headache formed an essential factor. + </p> + <p> + "You won't be ill this time, you'll find," he told her, seeking at the + same time to subdue her mind by the magnetism of his gaze. "And, if you + are ill, we will cure you." + </p> + <p> + "Will you, really?" Mme. Verdurin spoke as though, with so great a favour + in store for her, there was nothing for it but to capitulate. Perhaps, + too, by dint of saying that she was going to be ill, she had worked + herself into a state in which she forgot, occasionally, that it was all + only a 'little scene,' and regarded things, quite sincerely, from an + invalid's point of view. For it may often be remarked that invalids grow + weary of having the frequency of their attacks depend always on their own + prudence in avoiding them, and like to let themselves think that they are + free to do everything that they most enjoy doing, although they are always + ill after doing it, provided only that they place themselves in the hands + of a higher authority which, without putting them to the least + inconvenience, can and will, by uttering a word or by administering a + tabloid, set them once again upon their feet. + </p> + <p> + Odette had gone to sit on a tapestry-covered sofa near the piano, saying + to Mme. Verdurin, "I have my own little corner, haven't I?" + </p> + <p> + And Mme. Verdurin, seeing Swann by himself upon a chair, made him get up. + "You're not at all comfortable there; go along and sit by Odette; you can + make room for M. Swann there, can't you, Odette?" + </p> + <p> + "What charming Beauvais!" said Swann, stopping to admire the sofa before + he sat down on it, and wishing to be polite. + </p> + <p> + "I am glad you appreciate my sofa," replied Mme. Verdurin, "and I warn you + that if you expect ever to see another like it you may as well abandon the + idea at once. They never made any more like it. And these little chairs, + too, are perfect marvels. You can look at them in a moment. The emblems in + each of the bronze mouldings correspond to the subject of the tapestry on + the chair; you know, you combine amusement with instruction when you look + at them;—I can promise you a delightful time, I assure you. Just + look at the little border around the edges; here, look, the little vine on + a red background in this one, the Bear and the Grapes. Isn't it well + drawn? What do you say? I think they knew a thing or two about design! + Doesn't it make your mouth water, this vine? My husband makes out that I + am not fond of fruit, because I eat less than he does. But not a bit of + it, I am greedier than any of you, but I have no need to fill my mouth + with them when I can feed on them with my eyes. What are you all laughing + at now, pray? Ask the Doctor; he will tell you that those grapes act on me + like a regular purge. Some people go to Fontainebleau for cures; I take my + own little Beauvais cure here. But, M. Swann, you mustn't run away without + feeling the little bronze mouldings on the backs. Isn't it an exquisite + surface? No, no, not with your whole hand like that; feel them properly!" + </p> + <p> + "If Mme. Verdurin is going to start playing about with her bronzes," said + the painter, "we shan't get any music to-night." + </p> + <p> + "Be quiet, you wretch! And yet we poor women," she went on, "are forbidden + pleasures far less voluptuous than this. There is no flesh in the world as + soft as these. None. When M. Verdurin did me the honour of being madly + jealous... come, you might at least be polite. Don't say that you never + have been jealous!" + </p> + <p> + "But, my dear, I have said absolutely nothing. Look here, Doctor, I call + you as a witness; did I utter a word?" + </p> + <p> + Swann had begun, out of politeness, to finger the bronzes, and did not + like to stop. + </p> + <p> + "Come along; you can caress them later; now it is you that are going to be + caressed, caressed in the ear; you'll like that, I think. Here's the young + gentleman who will take charge of that." + </p> + <p> + After the pianist had played, Swann felt and shewed more interest in him + than in any of the other guests, for the following reason: + </p> + <p> + The year before, at an evening party, he had heard a piece of music played + on the piano and violin. At first he had appreciated only the material + quality of the sounds which those instruments secreted. And it had been a + source of keen pleasure when, below the narrow ribbon of the violin-part, + delicate, unyielding, substantial and governing the whole, he had suddenly + perceived, where it was trying to surge upwards in a flowing tide of + sound, the mass of the piano-part, multiform, coherent, level, and + breaking everywhere in melody like the deep blue tumult of the sea, + silvered and charmed into a minor key by the moonlight. But at a given + moment, without being able to distinguish any clear outline, or to give a + name to what was pleasing him, suddenly enraptured, he had tried to + collect, to treasure in his memory the phrase or harmony—he knew not + which—that had just been played, and had opened and expanded his + soul, just as the fragrance of certain roses, wafted upon the moist air of + evening, has the power of dilating our nostrils. Perhaps it was owing to + his own ignorance of music that he had been able to receive so confused an + impression, one of those that are, notwithstanding, our only purely + musical impressions, limited in their extent, entirely original, and + irreducible into any other kind. An impression of this order, vanishing in + an instant, is, so to speak, an impression <i>sine materia</i>. Presumably + the notes which we hear at such moments tend to spread out before our + eyes, over surfaces greater or smaller according to their pitch and + volume; to trace arabesque designs, to give us the sensation of breadth or + tenuity, stability or caprice. But the notes themselves have vanished + before these sensations have developed sufficiently to escape submersion + under those which the following, or even simultaneous notes have already + begun to awaken in us. And this indefinite perception would continue to + smother in its molten liquidity the <i>motifs</i> which now and then + emerge, barely discernible, to plunge again and disappear and drown; + recognised only by the particular kind of pleasure which they instil, + impossible to describe, to recollect, to name; ineffable;—if our + memory, like a labourer who toils at the laying down of firm foundations + beneath the tumult of the waves, did not, by fashioning for us facsimiles + of those fugitive phrases, enable us to compare and to contrast them with + those that follow. And so, hardly had the delicious sensation, which Swann + had experienced, died away, before his memory had furnished him with an + immediate transcript, summary, it is true, and provisional, but one on + which he had kept his eyes fixed while the playing continued, so + effectively that, when the same impression suddenly returned, it was no + longer uncapturable. He was able to picture to himself its extent, its + symmetrical arrangement, its notation, the strength of its expression; he + had before him that definite object which was no longer pure music, but + rather design, architecture, thought, and which allowed the actual music + to be recalled. This time he had distinguished, quite clearly, a phrase + which emerged for a few moments from the waves of sound. It had at once + held out to him an invitation to partake of intimate pleasures, of whose + existence, before hearing it, he had never dreamed, into which he felt + that nothing but this phrase could initiate him; and he had been filled + with love for it, as with a new and strange desire. + </p> + <p> + With a slow and rhythmical movement it led him here, there, everywhere, + towards a state of happiness noble, unintelligible, yet clearly indicated. + And then, suddenly having reached a certain point from which he was + prepared to follow it, after pausing for a moment, abruptly it changed its + direction, and in a fresh movement, more rapid, multiform, melancholy, + incessant, sweet, it bore him off with it towards a vista of joys unknown. + Then it vanished. He hoped, with a passionate longing, that he might find + it again, a third time. And reappear it did, though without speaking to + him more clearly, bringing him, indeed, a pleasure less profound. But when + he was once more at home he needed it, he was like a man into whose life a + woman, whom he has seen for a moment passing by, has brought a new form of + beauty, which strengthens and enlarges his own power of perception, + without his knowing even whether he is ever to see her again whom he loves + already, although he knows nothing of her, not even her name. + </p> + <p> + Indeed this passion for a phrase of music seemed, in the first few months, + to be bringing into Swann's life the possibility of a sort of + rejuvenation. He had so long since ceased to direct his course towards any + ideal goal, and had confined himself to the pursuit of ephemeral + satisfactions, that he had come to believe, though without ever formally + stating his belief even to himself, that he would remain all his life in + that condition, which death alone could alter. More than this, since his + mind no longer entertained any lofty ideals, he had ceased to believe in + (although he could not have expressly denied) their reality. He had grown + also into the habit of taking refuge in trivial considerations, which + allowed him to set on one side matters of fundamental importance. Just as + he had never stopped to ask himself whether he would not have done better + by not going into society, knowing very well that if he had accepted an + invitation he must put in an appearance, and that afterwards, if he did + not actually call, he must at least leave cards upon his hostess; so in + his conversation he took care never to express with any warmth a personal + opinion about a thing, but instead would supply facts and details which + had a value of a sort in themselves, and excused him from shewing how much + he really knew. He would be extremely precise about the recipe for a dish, + the dates of a painter's birth and death, and the titles of his works. + Sometimes, in spite of himself, he would let himself go so far as to utter + a criticism of a work of art, or of some one's interpretation of life, but + then he would cloak his words in a tone of irony, as though he did not + altogether associate himself with what he was saying. But now, like a + confirmed invalid whom, all of a sudden, a change of air and surroundings, + or a new course of treatment, or, as sometimes happens, an organic change + in himself, spontaneous and unaccountable, seems to have so far recovered + from his malady that he begins to envisage the possibility, hitherto + beyond all hope, of starting to lead—and better late than never—a + wholly different life, Swann found in himself, in the memory of the phrase + that he had heard, in certain other sonatas which he had made people play + over to him, to see whether he might not, perhaps, discover his phrase + among them, the presence of one of those invisible realities in which he + had ceased to believe, but to which, as though the music had had upon the + moral barrenness from which he was suffering a sort of recreative + influence, he was conscious once again of a desire, almost, indeed, of the + power to consecrate his life. But, never having managed to find out whose + work it was that he had heard played that evening, he had been unable to + procure a copy, and finally had forgotten the quest. He had indeed, in the + course of the next few days, encountered several of the people who had + been at the party with him, and had questioned them; but most of them had + either arrived after or left before the piece was played; some had indeed + been in the house, but had gone into another room to talk, and those who + had stayed to listen had no clearer impression than the rest. As for his + hosts, they knew that it was a recently published work which the musicians + whom they had engaged for the evening had asked to be allowed to play; + but, as these last were now on tour somewhere, Swann could learn nothing + further. He had, of course, a number of musical friends, but, vividly as + he could recall the exquisite and inexpressible pleasure which the little + phrase had given him, and could see, still, before his eyes the forms that + it had traced in outline, he was quite incapable of humming over to them + the air. And so, at last, he ceased to think of it. + </p> + <p> + But to-night, at Mme. Verdurin's, scarcely had the little pianist begun to + play when, suddenly, after a high note held on through two whole bars, + Swann saw it approaching, stealing forth from underneath that resonance, + which was prolonged and stretched out over it, like a curtain of sound, to + veil the mystery of its birth—and recognised, secret, whispering, + articulate, the airy and fragrant phrase that he had loved. And it was so + peculiarly itself, it had so personal a charm, which nothing else could + have replaced, that Swann felt as though he had met, in a friend's + drawing-room, a woman whom he had seen and admired, once, in the street, + and had despaired of ever seeing her again. Finally the phrase withdrew + and vanished, pointing, directing, diligent among the wandering currents + of its fragrance, leaving upon Swann's features a reflection of its smile. + But now, at last, he could ask the name of his fair unknown (and was told + that it was the <i>andante</i> movement of Vinteuil's sonata for the piano + and violin), he held it safe, could have it again to himself, at home, as + often as he would, could study its language and acquire its secret. + </p> + <p> + And so, when the pianist had finished, Swann crossed the room and thanked + him with a vivacity which delighted Mme. Verdurin. + </p> + <p> + "Isn't he charming?" she asked Swann, "doesn't he just understand it, his + sonata, the little wretch? You never dreamed, did you, that a piano could + be made to express all that? Upon my word, there's everything in it except + the piano! I'm caught out every time I hear it; I think I'm listening to + an orchestra. Though it's better, really, than an orchestra, more + complete." + </p> + <p> + The young pianist bent over her as he answered, smiling and underlining + each of his words as though he were making an epigram: "You are most + generous to me." + </p> + <p> + And while Mme. Verdurin was saying to her husband, "Run and fetch him a + glass of orangeade; it's well earned!" Swann began to tell Odette how he + had fallen in love with that little phrase. When their hostess, who was a + little way off, called out, "Well! It looks to me as though some one was + saying nice things to you, Odette!" she replied, "Yes, very nice," and he + found her simplicity delightful. Then he asked for some information about + this Vinteuil; what else he had done, and at what period in his life he + had composed the sonata;—what meaning the little phrase could have + had for him, that was what Swann wanted most to know. + </p> + <p> + But none of these people who professed to admire this musician (when Swann + had said that the sonata was really charming Mme. Verdurin had exclaimed, + "I quite believe it! Charming, indeed! But you don't dare to confess that + you don't know Vinteuil's sonata; you have no right not to know it!"—and + the painter had gone on with, "Ah, yes, it's a very fine bit of work, + isn't it? Not, of course, if you want something 'obvious,' something + 'popular,' but, I mean to say, it makes a very great impression on us + artists."), none of them seemed ever to have asked himself these + questions, for none of them was able to reply. + </p> + <p> + Even to one or two particular remarks made by Swann on his favourite + phrase, "D'you know, that's a funny thing; I had never noticed it; I may + as well tell you that I don't much care about peering at things through a + microscope, and pricking myself on pin-points of difference; no; we don't + waste time splitting hairs in this house; why not? well, it's not a habit + of ours, that's all," Mme. Verdurin replied, while Dr. Cottard gazed at + her with open-mouthed admiration, and yearned to be able to follow her as + she skipped lightly from one stepping-stone to another of her stock of + ready-made phrases. Both he, however, and Mme. Cottard, with a kind of + common sense which is shared by many people of humble origin, would always + take care not to express an opinion, or to pretend to admire a piece of + music which they would confess to each other, once they were safely at + home, that they no more understood than they could understand the art of + 'Master' Biche. Inasmuch as the public cannot recognise the charm, the + beauty, even the outlines of nature save in the stereotyped impressions of + an art which they have gradually assimilated, while an original artist + starts by rejecting those impressions, so M. and Mme. Cottard, typical, in + this respect, of the public, were incapable of finding, either in + Vinteuil's sonata or in Biche's portraits, what constituted harmony, for + them, in music or beauty in painting. It appeared to them, when the + pianist played his sonata, as though he were striking haphazard from the + piano a medley of notes which bore no relation to the musical forms to + which they themselves were accustomed, and that the painter simply flung + the colours haphazard upon his canvas. When, on one of these, they were + able to distinguish a human form, they always found it coarsened and + vulgarised (that is to say lacking all the elegance of the school of + painting through whose spectacles they themselves were in the habit of + seeing the people—real, living people, who passed them in the + streets) and devoid of truth, as though M. Biche had not known how the + human shoulder was constructed, or that a woman's hair was not, + ordinarily, purple. + </p> + <p> + And yet, when the 'faithful' were scattered out of earshot, the Doctor + felt that the opportunity was too good to be missed, and so (while Mme. + Verdurin was adding a final word of commendation of Vinteuil's sonata) + like a would-be swimmer who jumps into the water, so as to learn, but + chooses a moment when there are not too many people looking on: "Yes, + indeed; he's what they call a musician <i>di primo cartello</i>!" he + exclaimed, with a sudden determination. + </p> + <p> + Swann discovered no more than that the recent publication of Vinteuil's + sonata had caused a great stir among the most advanced school of + musicians, but that it was still unknown to the general public. + </p> + <p> + "I know some one, quite well, called Vinteuil," said Swann, thinking of + the old music-master at Combray who had taught my grandmother's sisters. + </p> + <p> + "Perhaps that's the man!" cried Mme. Verdurin. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, no!" Swann burst out laughing. "If you had ever seen him for a moment + you wouldn't put the question." + </p> + <p> + "Then to put the question is to solve the problem?" the Doctor suggested. + </p> + <p> + "But it may well be some relative," Swann went on. "That would be bad + enough; but, after all, there is no reason why a genius shouldn't have a + cousin who is a silly old fool. And if that should be so, I swear there's + no known or unknown form of torture I wouldn't undergo to get the old fool + to introduce me to the man who composed the sonata; starting with the + torture of the old fool's company, which would be ghastly." + </p> + <p> + The painter understood that Vinteuil was seriously ill at the moment, and + that Dr. Potain despaired of his life. + </p> + <p> + "What!" cried Mme. Verdurin, "Do people still call in Potain?" + </p> + <p> + "Ah! Mme. Verdurin," Cottard simpered, "you forget that you are speaking + of one of my colleagues—I should say, one of my masters." + </p> + <p> + The painter had heard, somewhere, that Vinteuil was threatened with the + loss of his reason. And he insisted that signs of this could be detected + in certain passages in the sonata. This remark did not strike Swann as + ridiculous; rather, it puzzled him. For, since a purely musical work + contains none of those logical sequences, the interruption or confusion of + which, in spoken or written language, is a proof of insanity, so insanity + diagnosed in a sonata seemed to him as mysterious a thing as the insanity + of a dog or a horse, although instances may be observed of these. + </p> + <p> + "Don't speak to me about 'your masters'; you know ten times as much as he + does!" Mme. Verdurin answered Dr. Cottard, in the tone of a woman who has + the courage of her convictions, and is quite ready to stand up to anyone + who disagrees with her. "Anyhow, you don't kill your patients!" + </p> + <p> + "But, Madame, he is in the Academy." The Doctor smiled with bitter irony. + "If a sick person prefers to die at the hands of one of the Princes of + Science... It is far more smart to be able to say, 'Yes, I have Potain.'" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, indeed! More smart, is it?" said Mme. Verdurin. "So there are + fashions, nowadays, in illness, are there? I didn't know that.... Oh, you + do make me laugh!" she screamed, suddenly, burying her face in her hands. + "And here was I, poor thing, talking quite seriously, and never seeing + that you were pulling my leg." + </p> + <p> + As for M. Verdurin, finding it rather a strain to start laughing again + over so small a matter, he was content with puffing out a cloud of smoke + from his pipe, while he reflected sadly that he could never again hope to + keep pace with his wife in her Atalanta-flights across the field of mirth. + </p> + <p> + "D'you know; we like your friend so very much," said Mme. Verdurin, later, + when Odette was bidding her good night. "He is so unaffected, quite + charming. If they're all like that, the friends you want to bring here, by + all means bring them." + </p> + <p> + M. Verdurin remarked that Swann had failed, all the same, to appreciate + the pianist's aunt. + </p> + <p> + "I dare say he felt a little strange, poor man," suggested Mme. Verdurin. + "You can't expect him to catch the tone of the house the first time he + comes; like Cottard, who has been one of our little 'clan' now for years. + The first time doesn't count; it's just for looking round and finding out + things. Odette, he understands all right, he's to join us to-morrow at the + Châtelet. Perhaps you might call for him and bring him." + </p> + <p> + "No, he doesn't want that." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, very well; just as you like. Provided he doesn't fail us at the last + moment." + </p> + <p> + Greatly to Mme. Verdurin's surprise, he never failed them. He would go to + meet them, no matter where, at restaurants outside Paris (not that they + went there much at first, for the season had not yet begun), and more + frequently at the play, in which Mme. Verdurin delighted. One evening, + when they were dining at home, he heard her complain that she had not one + of those permits which would save her the trouble of waiting at doors and + standing in crowds, and say how useful it would be to them at + first-nights, and gala performances at the Opera, and what a nuisance it + had been, not having one, on the day of Gambetta's funeral. Swann never + spoke of his distinguished friends, but only of such as might be regarded + as detrimental, whom, therefore, he thought it snobbish, and in not very + good taste to conceal; while he frequented the Faubourg Saint-Germain he + had come to include, in the latter class, all his friends in the official + world of the Third Republic, and so broke in, without thinking: "I'll see + to that, all right. You shall have it in time for the <i>Danicheff</i> + revival. I shall be lunching with the Prefect of Police to-morrow, as it + happens, at the Elysée." + </p> + <p> + "What's that? The Elysée?" Dr. Cottard roared in a voice of thunder. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, at M. Grévy's," replied Swann, feeling a little awkward at the + effect which his announcement had produced. + </p> + <p> + "Are you often taken like that?" the painter asked Cottard, with + mock-seriousness. + </p> + <p> + As a rule, once an explanation had been given, Cottard would say: "Ah, + good, good; that's all right, then," after which he would shew not the + least trace of emotion. But this time Swann's last words, instead of the + usual calming effect, had that of heating, instantly, to boiling-point his + astonishment at the discovery that a man with whom he himself was actually + sitting at table, a man who had no official position, no honours or + distinction of any sort, was on visiting terms with the Head of the State. + </p> + <p> + "What's that you say? M. Grévy? Do you know M. Grévy?" he demanded of + Swann, in the stupid and incredulous tone of a constable on duty at the + palace, when a stranger has come up and asked to see the President of the + Republic; until, guessing from his words and manner what, as the + newspapers say, 'it is a case of,' he assures the poor lunatic that he + will be admitted at once, and points the way to the reception ward of the + police infirmary. + </p> + <p> + "I know him slightly; we have some friends in common" (Swann dared not add + that one of these friends was the Prince of Wales). "Anyhow, he is very + free with his invitations, and, I assure you, his luncheon-parties are not + the least bit amusing; they're very simple affairs, too, you know; never + more than eight at table," he went on, trying desperately to cut out + everything that seemed to shew off his relations with the President in a + light too dazzling for the Doctor's eyes. + </p> + <p> + Whereupon Cottard, at once conforming in his mind to the literal + interpretation of what Swann was saying, decided that invitations from M. + Grévy were very little sought after, were sent out, in fact, into the + highways and hedge-rows. And from that moment he never seemed at all + surprised to hear that Swann, or anyone else, was 'always at the Elysée'; + he even felt a little sorry for a man who had to go to luncheon-parties + which, he himself admitted, were a bore. + </p> + <p> + "Ah, good, good; that's quite all right then," he said, in the tone of a + customs official who has been suspicious up to now, but, after hearing + your explanations, stamps your passport and lets you proceed on your + journey without troubling to examine your luggage. + </p> + <p> + "I can well believe you don't find them amusing, those parties; indeed, + it's very good of you to go to them!" said Mme. Verdurin, who regarded the + President of the Republic only as a 'bore' to be especially dreaded, since + he had at his disposal means of seduction, and even of compulsion, which, + if employed to captivate her 'faithful,' might easily make them 'fail.' + "It seems, he's as deaf as a post; and eats with his fingers." + </p> + <p> + "Upon my word! Then it can't be much fun for you, going there." A note of + pity sounded in the Doctor's voice; and then struck by the number—only + eight at table—"Are these luncheons what you would describe as + 'intimate'?" he inquired briskly, not so much out of idle curiosity as in + his linguistic zeal. + </p> + <p> + But so great and glorious a figure was the President of the French + Republic in the eyes of Dr. Cottard that neither the modesty of Swann nor + the spite of Mme. Verdurin could ever wholly efface that first impression, + and he never sat down to dinner with the Verdurins without asking + anxiously, "D'you think we shall see M. Swann here this evening? He is a + personal friend of M. Grévy's. I suppose that means he's what you'd call a + 'gentleman'?" He even went to the length of offering Swann a card of + invitation to the Dental Exhibition. + </p> + <p> + "This will let you in, and anyone you take with you," he explained, "but + dogs are not admitted. I'm just warning you, you understand, because some + friends of mine went there once, who hadn't been told, and there was the + devil to pay." + </p> + <p> + As for M. Verdurin, he did not fail to observe the distressing effect upon + his wife of the discovery that Swann had influential friends of whom he + had never spoken. + </p> + <p> + If no arrangement had been made to 'go anywhere,' it was at the Verdurins' + that Swann would find the 'little nucleus' assembled, but he never + appeared there except in the evenings, and would hardly ever accept their + invitations to dinner, in spite of Odette's entreaties. + </p> + <p> + "I could dine with you alone somewhere, if you'd rather," she suggested. + </p> + <p> + "But what about Mme. Verdurin?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, that's quite simple. I need only say that my dress wasn't ready, or + that my cab came late. There is always some excuse." + </p> + <p> + "How charming of you." + </p> + <p> + But Swann said to himself that, if he could make Odette feel (by + consenting to meet her only after dinner) that there were other pleasures + which he preferred to that of her company, then the desire that she felt + for his would be all the longer in reaching the point of satiety. Besides, + as he infinitely preferred to Odette's style of beauty that of a little + working girl, as fresh and plump as a rose, with whom he happened to be + simultaneously in love, he preferred to spend the first part of the + evening with her, knowing that he was sure to see Odette later on. For the + same reason, he would never allow Odette to call for him at his house, to + take him on to the Verdurins'. The little girl used to wait, not far from + his door, at a street corner; Rémi, his coachman, knew where to stop; she + would jump in beside him, and hold him in her arms until the carriage drew + up at the Verdurins'. He would enter the drawing-room; and there, while + Mme. Verdurin, pointing to the roses which he had sent her that morning, + said: "I am furious with you!" and sent him to the place kept for him, by + the side of Odette, the pianist would play to them—for their two + selves, and for no one else—that little phrase by Vinteuil which + was, so to speak, the national anthem of their love. He began, always, + with a sustained tremolo from the violin part, which, for several bars, + was unaccompanied, and filled all the foreground; until suddenly it seemed + to be drawn aside, and—just as in those interiors by Pieter de + Hooch, where the subject is set back a long way through the narrow + framework of a half-opened door—infinitely remote, in colour quite + different, velvety with the radiance of some intervening light, the little + phrase appeared, dancing, pastoral, interpolated, episodic, belonging to + another world. It passed, with simple and immortal movements, scattering + on every side the bounties of its grace, smiling ineffably still; but + Swann thought that he could now discern in it some disenchantment. It + seemed to be aware how vain, how hollow was the happiness to which it + shewed the way. In its airy grace there was, indeed, something definitely + achieved, and complete in itself, like the mood of philosophic detachment + which follows an outburst of vain regret. But little did that matter to + him; he looked upon the sonata less in its own light—as what it + might express, had, in fact, expressed to a certain musician, ignorant + that any Swann or Odette, anywhere in the world, existed, when he composed + it, and would express to all those who should hear it played in centuries + to come—than as a pledge, a token of his love, which made even the + Verdurins and their little pianist think of Odette and, at the same time, + of himself—which bound her to him by a lasting tie; and at that + point he had (whimsically entreated by Odette) abandoned the idea of + getting some 'professional' to play over to him the whole sonata, of which + he still knew no more than this one passage. "Why do you want the rest?" + she had asked him. "Our little bit; that's all we need." He went farther; + agonised by the reflection, at the moment when it passed by him, so near + and yet so infinitely remote, that, while it was addressed to their ears, + it knew them not, he would regret, almost, that it had a meaning of its + own, an intrinsic and unalterable beauty, foreign to themselves, just as + in the jewels given to us, or even in the letters written to us by a woman + with whom we are in love, we find fault with the 'water' of a stone, or + with the words of a sentence because they are not fashioned exclusively + from the spirit of a fleeting intimacy and of a 'lass unparalleled.' + </p> + <p> + It would happen, as often as not, that he had stayed so long outside, with + his little girl, before going to the Verdurins' that, as soon as the + little phrase had been rendered by the pianist, Swann would discover that + it was almost time for Odette to go home. He used to take her back as far + as the door of her little house in the Rue La Pérouse, behind the Arc de + Triomphe. And it was perhaps on this account, and so as not to demand the + monopoly of her favours, that he sacrificed the pleasure (not so essential + to his well-being) of seeing her earlier in the evening, of arriving with + her at the Verdurins', to the exercise of this other privilege, for which + she was grateful, of their leaving together; a privilege which he valued + all the more because, thanks to it, he had the feeling that no one else + would see her, no one would thrust himself between them, no one could + prevent him from remaining with her in spirit, after he had left her for + the night. + </p> + <p> + And so, night after night, she would be taken home in Swann's carriage; + and one night, after she had got down, and while he stood at the gate and + murmured "Till to-morrow, then!" she turned impulsively from him, plucked + a last lingering chrysanthemum in the tiny garden which flanked the + pathway from the street to her house, and as he went back to his carriage + thrust it into his hand. He held it pressed to his lips during the drive + home, and when, in due course, the flower withered, locked it away, like + something very precious, in a secret drawer of his desk. + </p> + <p> + He would escort her to her gate, but no farther. Twice only had he gone + inside to take part in the ceremony—of such vital importance in her + life—of 'afternoon tea.' The loneliness and emptiness of those short + streets (consisting, almost entirely, of low-roofed houses, self-contained + but not detached, their monotony interrupted here and there by the dark + intrusion of some sinister little shop, at once an historical document and + a sordid survival from the days when the district was still one of ill + repute), the snow which had lain on the garden-beds or clung to the + branches of the trees, the careless disarray of the season, the assertion, + in this man-made city, of a state of nature, had all combined to add an + element of mystery to the warmth, the flowers, the luxury which he had + found inside. + </p> + <p> + Passing by (on his left-hand side, and on what, although raised some way + above the street, was the ground floor of the house) Odette's bedroom, + which looked out to the back over another little street running parallel + with her own, he had climbed a staircase that went straight up between + dark painted walls, from which hung Oriental draperies, strings of Turkish + beads, and a huge Japanese lantern, suspended by a silken cord from the + ceiling (which last, however, so that her visitors should not have to + complain of the want of any of the latest comforts of Western + civilisation, was lighted by a gas-jet inside), to the two drawing-rooms, + large and small. These were entered through a narrow lobby, the wall of + which, chequered with the lozenges of a wooden trellis such as you see on + garden walls, only gilded, was lined from end to end by a long rectangular + box in which bloomed, as though in a hothouse, a row of large + chrysanthemums, at that time still uncommon, though by no means so large + as the mammoth blossoms which horticulturists have since succeeded in + making grow. Swann was irritated, as a rule, by the sight of these + flowers, which had then been 'the rage' in Paris for about a year, but it + had pleased him, on this occasion, to see the gloom of the little lobby + shot with rays of pink and gold and white by the fragrant petals of these + ephemeral stars, which kindle their cold fires in the murky atmosphere of + winter afternoons. Odette had received him in a tea-gown of pink silk, + which left her neck and arms bare. She had made him sit down beside her in + one of the many mysterious little retreats which had been contrived in the + various recesses of the room, sheltered by enormous palmtrees growing out + of pots of Chinese porcelain, or by screens upon which were fastened + photographs and fans and bows of ribbon. She had said at once, "You're not + comfortable there; wait a minute, I'll arrange things for you," and with a + titter of laughter, the complacency of which implied that some little + invention of her own was being brought into play, she had installed behind + his head and beneath his feet great cushions of Japanese silk, which she + pummelled and buffeted as though determined to lavish on him all her + riches, and regardless of their value. But when her footman began to come + into the room, bringing, one after another, the innumerable lamps which + (contained, mostly, in porcelain vases) burned singly or in pairs upon the + different pieces of furniture as upon so many altars, rekindling in the + twilight, already almost nocturnal, of this winter afternoon, the glow of + a sunset more lasting, more roseate, more human—filling, perhaps, + with romantic wonder the thoughts of some solitary lover, wandering in the + street below and brought to a standstill before the mystery of the human + presence which those lighted windows at once revealed and screened from + sight—she had kept an eye sharply fixed on the servant, to see + whether he set each of the lamps down in the place appointed it. She felt + that, if he were to put even one of them where it ought not to be, the + general effect of her drawing-room would be destroyed, and that her + portrait, which rested upon a sloping easel draped with plush, would not + catch the light. And so, with feverish impatience, she followed the man's + clumsy movements, scolding him severely when he passed too close to a pair + of beaupots, which she made a point of always tidying herself, in case the + plants should be knocked over—and went across to them now to make + sure that he had not broken off any of the flowers. She found something + 'quaint' in the shape of each of her Chinese ornaments, and also in her + orchids, the cattleyas especially (these being, with chrysanthemums, her + favourite flowers), because they had the supreme merit of not looking in + the least like other flowers, but of being made, apparently, out of scraps + of silk or satin. "It looks just as though it had been cut out of the + lining of my cloak," she said to Swann, pointing to an orchid, with a + shade of respect in her voice for so 'smart' a flower, for this + distinguished, unexpected sister whom nature had suddenly bestowed upon + her, so far removed from her in the scale of existence, and yet so + delicate, so refined, so much more worthy than many real women of + admission to her drawing-room. As she drew his attention, now to the + fiery-tongued dragons painted upon a bowl or stitched upon a fire-screen, + now to a fleshy cluster of orchids, now to a dromedary of inlaid + silver-work with ruby eyes, which kept company, upon her mantelpiece, with + a toad carved in jade, she would pretend now to be shrinking from the + ferocity of the monsters or laughing at their absurdity, now blushing at + the indecency of the flowers, now carried away by an irresistible desire + to run across and kiss the toad and dromedary, calling them 'darlings.' + And these affectations were in sharp contrast to the sincerity of some of + her attitudes, notably her devotion to Our Lady of the Laghetto who had + once, when Odette was living at Nice, cured her of a mortal illness, and + whose medal, in gold, she always carried on her person, attributing to it + unlimited powers. She poured out Swann's tea, inquired "Lemon or cream?" + and, on his answering "Cream, please," went on, smiling, "A cloud!" And as + he pronounced it excellent, "You see, I know just how you like it." This + tea had indeed seemed to Swann, just as it seemed to her, something + precious, and love is so far obliged to find some justification for + itself, some guarantee of its duration in pleasures which, on the + contrary, would have no existence apart from love and must cease with its + passing, that when he left her, at seven o'clock, to go and dress for the + evening, all the way home, sitting bolt upright in his brougham, unable to + repress the happiness with which the afternoon's adventure had filled him, + he kept on repeating to himself: "What fun it would be to have a little + woman like that in a place where one could always be certain of finding, + what one never can be certain of finding, a really good cup of tea." An + hour or so later he received a note from Odette, and at once recognised + that florid handwriting, in which an affectation of British stiffness + imposed an apparent discipline upon its shapeless characters, significant, + perhaps, to less intimate eyes than his, of an untidiness of mind, a + fragmentary education, a want of sincerity and decision. Swann had left + his cigarette-case at her house. "Why," she wrote, "did you not forget + your heart also? I should never have let you have that back." + </p> + <p> + More important, perhaps, was a second visit which he paid her, a little + later. On his way to the house, as always when he knew that they were to + meet, he formed a picture of her in his mind; and the necessity, if he was + to find any beauty in her face, of fixing his eyes on the fresh and rosy + protuberance of her cheekbones, and of shutting out all the rest of those + cheeks which were so often languorous and sallow, except when they were + punctuated with little fiery spots, plunged him in acute depression, as + proving that one's ideal is always unattainable, and one's actual + happiness mediocre. He was taking her an engraving which she had asked to + see. She was not very well; she received him, wearing a wrapper of mauve + <i>crêpe de Chine</i>, which draped her bosom, like a mantle, with a + richly embroidered web. As she stood there beside him, brushing his cheek + with the loosened tresses of her hair, bending one knee in what was almost + a dancer's pose, so that she could lean without tiring herself over the + picture, at which she was gazing, with bended head, out of those great + eyes, which seemed so weary and so sullen when there was nothing to + animate her, Swann was struck by her resemblance to the figure of + Zipporah, Jethro's Daughter, which is to be seen in one of the Sistine + frescoes. He had always found a peculiar fascination in tracing in the + paintings of the Old Masters, not merely the general characteristics of + the people whom he encountered in his daily life, but rather what seems + least susceptible of generalisation, the individual features of men and + women whom he knew, as, for instance, in a bust of the Doge Loredan by + Antonio Rizzo, the prominent cheekbones, the slanting eyebrows, in short, + a speaking likeness to his own coachman Rémi; in the colouring of a + Ghirlandaio, the nose of M. de Palancy; in a portrait by Tintoretto, the + invasion of the plumpness of the cheek by an outcrop of whisker, the + broken nose, the penetrating stare, the swollen eyelids of Dr. du Boulbon. + Perhaps because he had always regretted, in his heart, that he had + confined his attention to the social side of life, had talked, always, + rather than acted, he felt that he might find a sort of indulgence + bestowed upon him by those great artists, in his perception of the fact + that they also had regarded with pleasure and had admitted into the canon + of their works such types of physiognomy as give those works the strongest + possible certificate of reality and trueness to life; a modern, almost a + topical savour; perhaps, also, he had so far succumbed to the prevailing + frivolity of the world of fashion that he felt the necessity of finding in + an old masterpiece some such obvious and refreshing allusion to a person + about whom jokes could be made and repeated and enjoyed to-day. Perhaps, + on the other hand, he had retained enough of the artistic temperament to + be able to find a genuine satisfaction in watching these individual + features take on a more general significance when he saw them, uprooted + and disembodied, in the abstract idea of similarity between an historic + portrait and a modern original, whom it was not intended to represent. + However that might be, and perhaps because the abundance of impressions + which he, for some time past, had been receiving—though, indeed, + they had come to him rather through the channel of his appreciation of + music—had enriched his appetite for painting as well, it was with an + unusual intensity of pleasure, a pleasure destined to have a lasting + effect upon his character and conduct, that Swann remarked Odette's + resemblance to the Zipporah of that Alessandro de Mariano, to whom one + shrinks from giving his more popular surname, now that 'Botticelli' + suggests not so much the actual work of the Master as that false and banal + conception of it which has of late obtained common currency. He no longer + based his estimate of the merit of Odette's face on the more or less good + quality of her cheeks, and the softness and sweetness—as of + carnation-petals—which, he supposed, would greet his lips there, + should he ever hazard an embrace, but regarded it rather as a skein of + subtle and lovely silken threads, which his gazing eyes collected and + wound together, following the curving line from the skein to the ball, + where he mingled the cadence of her neck with the spring of her hair and + the droop of her eyelids, as though from a portrait of herself, in which + her type was made clearly intelligible. + </p> + <p> + He stood gazing at her; traces of the old fresco were apparent in her face + and limbs, and these he tried incessantly, afterwards, to recapture, both + when he was with Odette, and when he was only thinking of her in her + absence; and, albeit his admiration for the Florentine masterpiece was + probably based upon his discovery that it had been reproduced in her, the + similarity enhanced her beauty also, and rendered her more precious in his + sight. Swann reproached himself with his failure, hitherto, to estimate at + her true worth a creature whom the great Sandro would have adored, and + counted himself fortunate that his pleasure in the contemplation of Odette + found a justification in his own system of aesthetic. He told himself + that, in choosing the thought of Odette as the inspiration of his dreams + of ideal happiness, he was not, as he had until then supposed, falling + back, merely, upon an expedient of doubtful and certainly inadequate + value, since she contained in herself what satisfied the utmost refinement + of his taste in art. He failed to observe that this quality would not + naturally avail to bring Odette into the category of women whom he found + desirable, simply because his desires had always run counter to his + aesthetic taste. The words 'Florentine painting' were invaluable to Swann. + They enabled him (gave him, as it were, a legal title) to introduce the + image of Odette into a world of dreams and fancies which, until then, she + had been debarred from entering, and where she assumed a new and nobler + form. And whereas the mere sight of her in the flesh, by perpetually + reviving his misgivings as to the quality of her face, her figure, the + whole of her beauty, used to cool the ardour of his love, those misgivings + were swept away and that love confirmed now that he could re-erect his + estimate of her on the sure foundations of his aesthetic principles; while + the kiss, the bodily surrender which would have seemed natural and but + moderately attractive, had they been granted him by a creature of somewhat + withered flesh and sluggish blood, coming, as now they came, to crown his + adoration of a masterpiece in a gallery, must, it seemed, prove as + exquisite as they would be supernatural. + </p> + <p> + And when he was tempted to regret that, for months past, he had done + nothing but visit Odette, he would assure himself that he was not + unreasonable in giving up much of his time to the study of an inestimably + precious work of art, cast for once in a new, a different, an especially + charming metal, in an unmatched exemplar which he would contemplate at one + moment with the humble, spiritual, disinterested mind of an artist, at + another with the pride, the selfishness, the sensual thrill of a + collector. + </p> + <p> + On his study table, at which he worked, he had placed, as it were a + photograph of Odette, a reproduction of Jethro's Daughter. He would gaze + in admiration at the large eyes, the delicate features in which the + imperfection of her skin might be surmised, the marvellous locks of hair + that fell along her tired cheeks; and, adapting what he had already felt + to be beautiful, on aesthetic grounds, to the idea of a living woman, he + converted it into a series of physical merits which he congratulated + himself on finding assembled in the person of one whom he might, + ultimately, possess. The vague feeling of sympathy which attracts a + spectator to a work of art, now that he knew the type, in warm flesh and + blood, of Jethro's Daughter, became a desire which more than compensated, + thenceforward, for that with which Odette's physical charms had at first + failed to inspire him. When he had sat for a long time gazing at the + Botticelli, he would think of his own living Botticelli, who seemed all + the lovelier in contrast, and as he drew towards him the photograph of + Zipporah he would imagine that he was holding Odette against his heart. + </p> + <p> + It was not only Odette's indifference, however, that he must take pains to + circumvent; it was also, not infrequently, his own; feeling that, since + Odette had had every facility for seeing him, she seemed no longer to have + very much to say to him when they did meet, he was afraid lest the manner—at + once trivial, monotonous, and seemingly unalterable—which she now + adopted when they were together should ultimately destroy in him that + romantic hope, that a day might come when she would make avowal of her + passion, by which hope alone he had become and would remain her lover. And + so to alter, to give a fresh moral aspect to that Odette, of whose + unchanging mood he was afraid of growing weary, he wrote, suddenly, a + letter full of hinted discoveries and feigned indignation, which he sent + off so that it should reach her before dinner-time. He knew that she would + be frightened, and that she would reply, and he hoped that, when the fear + of losing him clutched at her heart, it would force from her words such as + he had never yet heard her utter: and he was right—by repeating this + device he had won from her the most affectionate letters that she had, so + far, written him, one of them (which she had sent to him at midday by a + special messenger from the Maison Dorée—it was the day of the + Paris-Murcie Fête given for the victims of the recent floods in Murcia) + beginning "My dear, my hand trembles so that I can scarcely write——"; + and these letters he had kept in the same drawer as the withered + chrysanthemum. Or else, if she had not had time to write, when he arrived + at the Verdurins' she would come running up to him with an "I've something + to say to you!" and he would gaze curiously at the revelation in her face + and speech of what she had hitherto kept concealed from him of her heart. + </p> + <p> + Even as he drew near to the Verdurins' door, and caught sight of the great + lamp-lit spaces of the drawing-room windows, whose shutters were never + closed, he would begin to melt at the thought of the charming creature + whom he would see, as he entered the room, basking in that golden light. + Here and there the figures of the guests stood out, sharp and black, + between lamp and window, shutting off the light, like those little + pictures which one sees sometimes pasted here and there upon a glass + screen, whose other panes are mere transparencies. He would try to make + out Odette. And then, when he was once inside, without thinking, his eyes + sparkled suddenly with such radiant happiness that M. Verdurin said to the + painter: "H'm. Seems to be getting warm." Indeed, her presence gave the + house what none other of the houses that he visited seemed to possess: a + sort of tactual sense, a nervous system which ramified into each of its + rooms and sent a constant stimulus to his heart. + </p> + <p> + And so the simple and regular manifestations of a social organism, namely + the 'little clan,' were transformed for Swann into a series of daily + encounters with Odette, and enabled him to feign indifference to the + prospect of seeing her, or even a desire not to see her; in doing which he + incurred no very great risk since, even although he had written to her + during the day, he would of necessity see her in the evening and accompany + her home. + </p> + <p> + But one evening, when, irritated by the thought of that inevitable dark + drive together, he had taken his other 'little girl' all the way to the + Bois, so as to delay as long as possible the moment of his appearance at + the Verdurins', he was so late in reaching them that Odette, supposing + that he did not intend to come, had already left. Seeing the room bare of + her, Swann felt his heart wrung by sudden anguish; he shook with the sense + that he was being deprived of a pleasure whose intensity he began then for + the first time to estimate, having always, hitherto, had that certainty of + finding it whenever he would, which (as in the case of all our pleasures) + reduced, if it did not altogether blind him to its dimensions. + </p> + <p> + "Did you notice the face he pulled when he saw that she wasn't here?" M. + Verdurin asked his wife. "I think we may say that he's hooked." + </p> + <p> + "The face he pulled?" exploded Dr. Cottard who, having left the house for + a moment to visit a patient, had just returned to fetch his wife and did + not know whom they were discussing. + </p> + <p> + "D'you mean to say you didn't meet him on the doorstep—the loveliest + of Swanns?" + </p> + <p> + "No. M. Swann has been here?" + </p> + <p> + "Just for a moment. We had a glimpse of a Swann tremendously agitated. In + a state of nerves. You see, Odette had left." + </p> + <p> + "You mean to say that she has gone the 'whole hog' with him; that she has + 'burned her boats'?" inquired the Doctor cautiously, testing the meaning + of his phrases. + </p> + <p> + "Why, of course not; there's absolutely nothing in it; in fact, between + you and me, I think she's making a great mistake, and behaving like a + silly little fool, which she is, incidentally." + </p> + <p> + "Come, come, come!" said M. Verdurin, "How on earth do you know that + there's 'nothing in it'? We haven't been there to see, have we now?" + </p> + <p> + "She would have told me," answered Mme. Verdurin with dignity. "I may say + that she tells me everything. As she has no one else at present, I told + her that she ought to live with him. She makes out that she can't; she + admits, she was immensely attracted by him, at first; but he's always shy + with her, and that makes her shy with him. Besides, she doesn't care for + him in that way, she says; it's an ideal love, 'Platonic,' you know; she's + afraid of rubbing the bloom off—oh, I don't know half the things she + says, how should I? And yet he's exactly the sort of man she wants." + </p> + <p> + "I beg to differ from you," M. Verdurin courteously interrupted. "I am + only half satisfied with the gentleman. I feel that he 'poses.'" + </p> + <p> + Mme. Verdurin's whole body stiffened, her eyes stared blankly as though + she had suddenly been turned into a statue; a device by means of which she + might be supposed not to have caught the sound of that unutterable word + which seemed to imply that it was possible for people to 'pose' in her + house, and, therefore, that there were people in the world who 'mattered + more' than herself. + </p> + <p> + "Anyhow, if there is nothing in it, I don't suppose it's because our + friend believes in her virtue. And yet, you never know; he seems to + believe in her intelligence. I don't know whether you heard the way he + lectured her the other evening about Vinteuil's sonata. I am devoted to + Odette, but really—to expound theories of aesthetic to her—the + man must be a prize idiot." + </p> + <p> + "Look here, I won't have you saying nasty things about Odette," broke in + Mme. Verdurin in her 'spoiled child' manner. "She is charming." + </p> + <p> + "There's no reason why she shouldn't be charming; we are not saying + anything nasty about her, only that she is not the embodiment of either + virtue or intellect. After all," he turned to the painter, "does it matter + so very much whether she is virtuous or not? You can't tell; she might be + a great deal less charming if she were." + </p> + <p> + On the landing Swann had run into the Verdurins' butler, who had been + somewhere else a moment earlier, when he arrived, and who had been asked + by Odette to tell Swann (but that was at least an hour ago) that she would + probably stop to drink a cup of chocolate at Prévost's on her way home. + Swann set off at once for Prévost's, but every few yards his carriage was + held up by others, or by people crossing the street, loathsome obstacles + each of which he would gladly have crushed beneath his wheels, were it not + that a policeman fumbling with a note-book would delay him even longer + than the actual passage of the pedestrian. He counted the minutes + feverishly, adding a few seconds to each so as to be quite certain that he + had not given himself short measure, and so, possibly, exaggerated + whatever chance there might actually be of his arriving at Prévost's in + time, and of finding her still there. And then, in a moment of + illumination, like a man in a fever who awakes from sleep and is conscious + of the absurdity of the dream-shapes among which his mind has been + wandering without any clear distinction between himself and them, Swann + suddenly perceived how foreign to his nature were the thoughts which he + had been revolving in his mind ever since he had heard at the Verdurins' + that Odette had left, how novel the heartache from which he was suffering, + but of which he was only now conscious, as though he had just woken up. + What! all this disturbance simply because he would not see Odette, now, + till to-morrow, exactly what he had been hoping, not an hour before, as he + drove toward Mme. Verdurin's. He was obliged to admit also that now, as he + sat in the same carriage and drove to Prévost's, he was no longer the same + man, was no longer alone even—but that a new personality was there + beside him, adhering to him, amalgamated with him, a creature from whom he + might, perhaps, be unable to liberate himself, towards whom he might have + to adopt some such stratagem as one uses to outwit a master or a malady. + And yet, during this last moment in which he had felt that another, a + fresh personality was thus conjoined with his own, life had seemed, + somehow, more interesting. + </p> + <p> + It was in vain that he assured himself that this possible meeting at + Prévost's (the tension of waiting for which so ravished, stripped so bare + the intervening moments that he could find nothing, not one idea, not one + memory in his mind beneath which his troubled spirit might take shelter + and repose) would probably, after all, should it take place, be much the + same as all their meetings, of no great importance. As on every other + evening, once he was in Odette's company, once he had begun to cast + furtive glances at her changing countenance, and instantly to withdraw his + eyes lest she should read in them the first symbols of desire and believe + no more in his indifference, he would cease to be able even to think of + her, so busy would he be in the search for pretexts which would enable him + not to leave her immediately, and to assure himself, without betraying his + concern, that he would find her again, next evening, at the Verdurins'; + pretexts, that is to say, which would enable him to prolong for the time + being, and to renew for one day more the disappointment, the torturing + deception that must always come to him with the vain presence of this + woman, whom he might approach, yet never dared embrace. + </p> + <p> + She was not at Prevost's; he must search for her, then, in every + restaurant upon the boulevards. To save time, while he went in one + direction, he sent in the other his coachman Rémi (Rizzo's Doge Loredan) + for whom he presently—after a fruitless search—found himself + waiting at the spot where the carriage was to meet him. It did not appear, + and Swann tantalised himself with alternate pictures of the approaching + moment, as one in which Rémi would say to him: "Sir, the lady is there," + or as one in which Rémi would say to him: "Sir, the lady was not in any of + the cafés." And so he saw himself faced by the close of his evening—a + thing uniform, and yet bifurcated by the intervening accident which would + either put an end to his agony by discovering Odette, or would oblige him + to abandon any hope of finding her that night, to accept the necessity of + returning home without having seen her. + </p> + <p> + The coachman returned; but, as he drew up opposite him, Swann asked, not + "Did you find the lady?" but "Remind me, to-morrow, to order in some more + firewood. I am sure we must be running short." Perhaps he had persuaded + himself that, if Rémi had at last found Odette in some café, where she was + waiting for him still, then his night of misery was already obliterated by + the realisation, begun already in his mind, of a night of joy, and that + there was no need for him to hasten towards the attainment of a happiness + already captured and held in a safe place, which would not escape his + grasp again. But it was also by the force of inertia; there was in his + soul that want of adaptability which can be seen in the bodies of certain + people who, when the moment comes to avoid a collision, to snatch their + clothes out of reach of a flame, or to perform any other such necessary + movement, take their time (as the saying is), begin by remaining for a + moment in their original position, as though seeking to find in it a + starting-point, a source of strength and motion. And probably, if the + coachman had interrupted him with, "I have found the lady," he would have + answered, "Oh, yes, of course; that's what I told you to do. I had quite + forgotten," and would have continued to discuss his supply of firewood, so + as to hide from his servant the emotion that he had felt, and to give + himself time to break away from the thraldom of his anxieties and abandon + himself to pleasure. + </p> + <p> + The coachman came back, however, with the report that he could not find + her anywhere, and added the advice, as an old and privileged servant, "I + think, sir, that all we can do now is to go home." + </p> + <p> + But the air of indifference which Swann could so lightly assume when Rémi + uttered his final, unalterable response, fell from him like a cast-off + cloak when he saw Rémi attempt to make him abandon hope and retire from + the quest. + </p> + <p> + "Certainly not!" he exclaimed. "We must find the lady. It is most + important. She would be extremely put out—it's a business matter—and + vexed with me if she didn't see me." + </p> + <p> + "But I do not see how the lady can be vexed, sir," answered Rémi, "since + it was she that went away without waiting for you, sir, and said she was + going to Prévost's, and then wasn't there." + </p> + <p> + Meanwhile the restaurants were closing, and their lights began to go out. + Under the trees of the boulevards there were still a few people strolling + to and fro, barely distinguishable in the gathering darkness. Now and then + the ghost of a woman glided up to Swann, murmured a few words in his ear, + asked him to take her home, and left him shuddering. Anxiously he explored + every one of these vaguely seen shapes, as though among the phantoms of + the dead, in the realms of darkness, he had been searching for a lost + Eurydice. + </p> + <p> + Among all the methods by which love is brought into being, among all the + agents which disseminate that blessed bane, there are few so efficacious + as the great gust of agitation which, now and then, sweeps over the human + spirit. For then the creature in whose company we are seeking amusement at + the moment, her lot is cast, her fate and ours decided, that is the + creature whom we shall henceforward love. It is not necessary that she + should have pleased us, up till then, any more, or even as much as others. + All that is necessary is that our taste for her should become exclusive. + And that condition is fulfilled so soon as—in the moment when she + has failed to meet us—for the pleasure which we were on the point of + enjoying in her charming company is abruptly substituted an anxious + torturing desire, whose object is the creature herself, an irrational, + absurd desire, which the laws of civilised society make it impossible to + satisfy and difficult to assuage—the insensate, agonising desire to + possess her. + </p> + <p> + Swann made Rémi drive him to such restaurants as were still open; it was + the sole hypothesis, now, of that happiness which he had contemplated so + calmly; he no longer concealed his agitation, the price he set upon their + meeting, and promised, in case of success, to reward his coachman, as + though, by inspiring in him a will to triumph which would reinforce his + own, he could bring it to pass, by a miracle, that Odette—assuming + that she had long since gone home to bed,—might yet be found seated + in some restaurant on the boulevards. He pursued the quest as far as the + Maison Dorée, burst twice into Tortoni's and, still without catching sight + of her, was emerging from the Café Anglais, striding with haggard gaze + towards his carriage, which was waiting for him at the corner of the + Boulevard des Italiens, when he collided with a person coming in the + opposite direction; it was Odette; she explained, later, that there had + been no room at Prévost's, that she had gone, instead, to sup at the + Maison Dorée, and had been sitting there in an alcove where he must have + overlooked her, and that she was now looking for her carriage. + </p> + <p> + She had so little expected to see him that she started back in alarm. As + for him, he had ransacked the streets of Paris, not that he supposed it + possible that he should find her, but because he would have suffered even + more cruelly by abandoning the attempt. But now the joy (which, his reason + had never ceased to assure him, was not, that evening at least, to be + realised) was suddenly apparent, and more real than ever before; for he + himself had contributed nothing to it by anticipating probabilities,—it + remained integral and external to himself; there was no need for him to + draw on his own resources to endow it with truth—'twas from itself + that there emanated, 'twas itself that projected towards him that truth + whose glorious rays melted and scattered like the cloud of a dream the + sense of loneliness which had lowered over him, that truth upon which he + had supported, nay founded, albeit unconsciously, his vision of bliss. So + will a traveller, who has come down, on a day of glorious weather, to the + Mediterranean shore, and is doubtful whether they still exist, those lands + which he has left, let his eyes be dazzled, rather than cast a backward + glance, by the radiance streaming towards him from the luminous and + unfading azure at his feet. + </p> + <p> + He climbed after her into the carriage which she had kept waiting, and + ordered his own to follow. + </p> + <p> + She had in her hand a bunch of cattleyas, and Swann could see, beneath the + film of lace that covered her head, more of the same flowers fastened to a + swansdown plume. She was wearing, under her cloak, a flowing gown of black + velvet, caught up on one side so as to reveal a large triangular patch of + her white silk skirt, with an 'insertion,' also of white silk, in the + cleft of her low-necked bodice, in which were fastened a few more + cattleyas. She had scarcely recovered from the shock which the sight of + Swann had given her, when some obstacle made the horse start to one side. + They were thrown forward from their seats; she uttered a cry, and fell + back quivering and breathless. + </p> + <p> + "It's all right," he assured her, "don't be frightened." And he slipped + his arm round her shoulder, supporting her body against his own; then went + on: "Whatever you do, don't utter a word; just make a sign, yes or no, or + you'll be out of breath again. You won't mind if I put the flowers + straight on your bodice; the jolt has loosened them. I'm afraid of their + dropping out; I'm just going to fasten them a little more securely." + </p> + <p> + She was not used to being treated with so much formality by men, and + smiled as she answered: "No, not at all; I don't mind in the least." + </p> + <p> + But he, chilled a little by her answer, perhaps, also, to bear out the + pretence that he had been sincere in adopting the stratagem, or even + because he was already beginning to believe that he had been, exclaimed: + "No, no; you mustn't speak. You will be out of breath again. You can + easily answer in signs; I shall understand. Really and truly now, you + don't mind my doing this? Look, there is a little—I think it must be + pollen, spilt over your dress,—may I brush it off with my hand? + That's not too hard; I'm not hurting you, am I? I'm tickling you, perhaps, + a little; but I don't want to touch the velvet in case I rub it the wrong + way. But, don't you see, I really had to fasten the flowers; they would + have fallen out if I hadn't. Like that, now; if I just push them a little + farther down.... Seriously, I'm not annoying you, am I? And if I just + sniff them to see whether they've really lost all their scent? I don't + believe I ever smelt any before; may I? Tell the truth, now." + </p> + <p> + Still smiling, she shrugged her shoulders ever so slightly, as who should + say, "You're quite mad; you know very well that I like it." + </p> + <p> + He slipped his other hand upwards along Odette's cheek; she fixed her eyes + on him with that languishing and solemn air which marks the women of the + old Florentine's paintings, in whose faces he had found the type of hers; + swimming at the brink of her fringed lids, her brilliant eyes, large and + finely drawn as theirs, seemed on the verge of breaking from her face and + rolling down her cheeks like two great tears. She bent her neck, as all + their necks may be seen to bend, in the pagan scenes as well as in the + scriptural. And although her attitude was, doubtless, habitual and + instinctive, one which she knew to be appropriate to such moments, and was + careful not to forget to assume, she seemed to need all her strength to + hold her face back, as though some invisible force were drawing it down + towards Swann's. And Swann it was who, before she allowed her face, as + though despite her efforts, to fall upon his lips, held it back for a + moment longer, at a little distance between his hands. He had intended to + leave time for her mind to overtake her body's movements, to recognise the + dream which she had so long cherished and to assist at its realisation, + like a mother invited as a spectator when a prize is given to the child + whom she has reared and loves. Perhaps, moreover, Swann himself was fixing + upon these features of an Odette not yet possessed, not even kissed by + him, on whom he was looking now for the last time, that comprehensive gaze + with which, on the day of his departure, a traveller strives to bear away + with him in memory the view of a country to which he may never return. + </p> + <p> + But he was so shy in approaching her that, after this evening which had + begun by his arranging her cattleyas and had ended in her complete + surrender, whether from fear of chilling her, or from reluctance to + appear, even retrospectively, to have lied, or perhaps because he lacked + the audacity to formulate a more urgent requirement than this (which could + always be repeated, since it had not annoyed her on the first occasion), + he resorted to the same pretext on the following days. If she had any + cattleyas pinned to her bodice, he would say: "It is most unfortunate; the + cattleyas don't need tucking in this evening; they've not been disturbed + as they were the other night; I think, though, that this one isn't quite + straight. May I see if they have more scent than the others?" Or else, if + she had none: "Oh! no cattleyas this evening; then there's nothing for me + to arrange." So that for some time there was no change from the procedure + which he had followed on that first evening, when he had started by + touching her throat, with his fingers first and then with his lips, but + their caresses began invariably with this modest exploration. And long + afterwards, when the arrangement (or, rather, the ritual pretence of an + arrangement) of her cattleyas had quite fallen into desuetude, the + metaphor "Do a cattleya," transmuted into a simple verb which they would + employ without a thought of its original meaning when they wished to refer + to the act of physical possession (in which, paradoxically, the possessor + possesses nothing), survived to commemorate in their vocabulary the long + forgotten custom from which it sprang. And yet possibly this particular + manner of saying "to make love" had not the precise significance of its + synonyms. However disillusioned we may be about women, however we may + regard the possession of even the most divergent types as an invariable + and monotonous experience, every detail of which is known and can be + described in advance, it still becomes a fresh and stimulating pleasure if + the women concerned be—or be thought to be—so difficult as to + oblige us to base our attack upon some unrehearsed incident in our + relations with them, as was originally for Swann the arrangement of the + cattleyas. He trembled as he hoped, that evening, (but Odette, he told + himself, if she were deceived by his stratagem, could not guess his + intention) that it was the possession of this woman that would emerge for + him from their large and richly coloured petals; and the pleasure which he + already felt, and which Odette tolerated, he thought, perhaps only because + she was not yet aware of it herself, seemed to him for that reason—as + it might have seemed to the first man when he enjoyed it amid the flowers + of the earthly paradise—a pleasure which had never before existed, + which he was striving now to create, a pleasure—and the special name + which he was to give to it preserved its identity—entirely + individual and new. + </p> + <p> + The ice once broken, every evening, when he had taken her home, he must + follow her into the house; and often she would come out again in her + dressing-gown, and escort him to his carriage, and would kiss him before + the eyes of his coachman, saying: "What on earth does it matter what + people see?" And on evenings when he did not go to the Verdurins' (which + happened occasionally, now that he had opportunities of meeting Odette + elsewhere), when—more and more rarely—he went into society, + she would beg him to come to her on his way home, however late he might + be. The season was spring, the nights clear and frosty. He would come away + from an evening party, jump into his victoria, spread a rug over his + knees, tell the friends who were leaving at the same time, and who + insisted on his going home with them, that he could not, that he was not + going in their direction; then the coachman would start off at a fast trot + without further orders, knowing quite well where he had to go. His friends + would be left marvelling, and, as a matter of fact, Swann was no longer + the same man. No one ever received a letter from him now demanding an + introduction to a woman. He had ceased to pay any attention to women, and + kept away from the places in which they were ordinarily to be met. In a + restaurant, or in the country, his manner was deliberately and directly + the opposite of that by which, only a few days earlier, his friends would + have recognised him, that manner which had seemed permanently and + unalterably his own. To such an extent does passion manifest itself in us + as a temporary and distinct character, which not only takes the place of + our normal character but actually obliterates the signs by which that + character has hitherto been discernible. On the other hand, there was one + thing that was, now, invariable, namely that wherever Swann might be + spending the evening, he never failed to go on afterwards to Odette. The + interval of space separating her from him was one which he must as + inevitably traverse as he must descend, by an irresistible gravitation, + the steep slope of life itself. To be frank, as often as not, when he had + stayed late at a party, he would have preferred to return home at once, + without going so far out of his way, and to postpone their meeting until + the morrow; but the very fact of his putting himself to such inconvenience + at an abnormal hour in order to visit her, while he guessed that his + friends, as he left them, were saying to one another: "He is tied hand and + foot; there must certainly be a woman somewhere who insists on his going + to her at all hours," made him feel that he was leading the life of the + class of men whose existence is coloured by a love-affair, and in whom the + perpetual sacrifice which they are making of their comfort and of their + practical interests has engendered a spiritual charm. Then, though he may + not consciously have taken this into consideration, the certainty that she + was waiting for him, that she was not anywhere or with anyone else, that + he would see her before he went home, drew the sting from that anguish, + forgotten, it is true, but latent and ever ready to be reawakened, which + he had felt on the evening when Odette had left the Verdurins' before his + arrival, an anguish the actual cessation of which was so agreeable that it + might even be called a state of happiness. Perhaps it was to that hour of + anguish that there must be attributed the importance which Odette had + since assumed in his life. Other people are, as a rule, so immaterial to + us that, when we have entrusted to any one of them the power to cause so + much suffering or happiness to ourselves, that person seems at once to + belong to a different universe, is surrounded with poetry, makes of our + lives a vast expanse, quick with sensation, on which that person and + ourselves are ever more or less in contact. Swann could not without + anxiety ask himself what Odette would mean to him in the years that were + to come. Sometimes, as he looked up from his victoria on those fine and + frosty nights of early spring, and saw the dazzling moonbeams fall between + his eyes and the deserted streets, he would think of that other face, + gleaming and faintly roseate like the moon's, which had, one day, risen on + the horizon of his mind and since then had shed upon the world that + mysterious light in which he saw it bathed. If he arrived after the hour + at which Odette sent her servants to bed, before ringing the bell at the + gate of her little garden, he would go round first into the other street, + over which, at the ground-level, among the windows (all exactly alike, but + darkened) of the adjoining houses, shone the solitary lighted window of + her room. He would rap upon the pane, and she would hear the signal, and + answer, before running to meet him at the gate. He would find, lying open + on the piano, some of her favourite music, the <i>Valse des Roses</i>, the + <i>Pauvre Fou</i> of Tagliafico (which, according to the instructions + embodied in her will, was to be played at her funeral); but he would ask + her, instead, to give him the little phrase from Vinteuil's sonata. It was + true that Odette played vilely, but often the fairest impression that + remains in our minds of a favourite air is one which has arisen out of a + jumble of wrong notes struck by unskilful fingers upon a tuneless piano. + The little phrase was associated still, in Swann's mind, with his love for + Odette. He felt clearly that this love was something to which there were + no corresponding external signs, whose meaning could not be proved by any + but himself; he realised, too, that Odette's qualities were not such as to + justify his setting so high a value on the hours he spent in her company. + And often, when the cold government of reason stood unchallenged, he would + readily have ceased to sacrifice so many of his intellectual and social + interests to this imaginary pleasure. But the little phrase, as soon as it + struck his ear, had the power to liberate in him the room that was needed + to contain it; the proportions of Swann's soul were altered; a margin was + left for a form of enjoyment which corresponded no more than his love for + Odette to any external object, and yet was not, like his enjoyment of that + love, purely individual, but assumed for him an objective reality superior + to that of other concrete things. This thirst for an untasted charm, the + little phrase would stimulate it anew in him, but without bringing him any + definite gratification to assuage it. With the result that those parts of + Swann's soul in which the little phrase had obliterated all care for + material interests, those human considerations which affect all men alike, + were left bare by it, blank pages on which he was at liberty to inscribe + the name of Odette. Moreover, where Odette's affection might seem ever so + little abrupt and disappointing, the little phrase would come to + supplement it, to amalgamate with it its own mysterious essence. Watching + Swann's face while he listened to the phrase, one would have said that he + was inhaling an anaesthetic which allowed him to breathe more deeply. And + the pleasure which the music gave him, which was shortly to create in him + a real longing, was in fact closely akin, at such moments, to the pleasure + which he would have derived from experimenting with perfumes, from + entering into contract with a world for which we men were not created, + which appears to lack form because our eyes cannot perceive it, to lack + significance because it escapes our intelligence, to which we may attain + by way of one sense only. Deep repose, mysterious refreshment for Swann,—for + him whose eyes, although delicate interpreters of painting, whose mind, + although an acute observer of manners, must bear for ever the indelible + imprint of the barrenness of his life,—to feel himself transformed + into a creature foreign to humanity, blinded, deprived of his logical + faculty, almost a fantastic unicorn, a chimaera-like creature conscious of + the world through his two ears alone. And as, notwithstanding, he sought + in the little phrase for a meaning to which his intelligence could not + descend, with what a strange frenzy of intoxication must he strip bare his + innermost soul of the whole armour of reason, and make it pass, + unattended, through the straining vessel, down into the dark filter of + sound. He began to reckon up how much that was painful, perhaps even how + much secret and unappeased sorrow underlay the sweetness of the phrase; + and yet to him it brought no suffering. What matter though the phrase + repeated that love is frail and fleeting, when his love was so strong! He + played with the melancholy which the phrase diffused, he felt it stealing + over him, but like a caress which only deepened and sweetened his sense of + his own happiness. He would make Odette play him the phrase again, ten, + twenty times on end, insisting that, while she played, she must never + cease to kiss him. Every kiss provokes another. Ah, in those earliest days + of love how naturally the kisses spring into life. How closely, in their + abundance, are they pressed one against another; until lovers would find + it as hard to count the kisses exchanged in an hour, as to count the + flowers in a meadow in May. Then she would pretend to stop, saying: "How + do you expect me to play when you keep on holding me? I can't do + everything at once. Make up your mind what you want; am I to play the + phrase or do you want to play with me?" Then he would become annoyed, and + she would burst out with a laugh which was transformed, as it left her + lips, and descended upon him in a shower of kisses. Or else she would look + at him sulkily, and he would see once again a face worthy to figure in + Botticelli's 'Life of Moses,' he would place it there, giving to Odette's + neck the necessary inclination; and when he had finished her portrait in + distemper, in the fifteenth century, on the wall of the Sixtine, the idea + that she was, none the less, in the room with him still, by the piano, at + that very moment, ready to be kissed and won, the idea of her material + existence, of her being alive, would sweep over him with so violent an + intoxication that, with eyes starting from his head and jaws that parted + as though to devour her, he would fling himself upon this Botticelli + maiden and kiss and bite her cheeks. And then, as soon as he had left the + house, not without returning to kiss her once again, because he had + forgotten to take away with him, in memory, some detail of her fragrance + or of her features, while he drove home in his victoria, blessing the name + of Odette who allowed him to pay her these daily visits, which, although + they could not, he felt, bring any great happiness to her, still, by + keeping him immune from the fever of jealousy—by removing from him + every possibility of a fresh outbreak of the heart-sickness which had + manifested itself in him that evening, when he had failed to find her at + the Verdurins'—might help him to arrive, without any recurrence of + those crises, of which the first had been so distressing that it must also + be the last, at the termination of this strange series of hours in his + life, hours almost enchanted, in the same manner as these other, following + hours, in which he drove through a deserted Paris by the light of the + moon: noticing as he drove home that the satellite had now changed its + position, relatively to his own, and was almost touching the horizon; + feeling that his love, also, was obedient to these immutable laws of + nature, he asked himself whether this period, upon which he had entered, + was to last much longer, whether presently his mind's eye would cease to + behold that dear countenance, save as occupying a distant and diminished + position, and on the verge of ceasing to shed on him the radiance of its + charm. For Swann was finding in things once more, since he had fallen in + love, the charm that he had found when, in his adolescence, he had fancied + himself an artist; with this difference, that what charm lay in them now + was conferred by Odette alone. He could feel reawakening in himself the + inspirations of his boyhood, which had been dissipated among the + frivolities of his later life, but they all bore, now, the reflection, the + stamp of a particular being; and during the long hours which he now found + a subtle pleasure in spending at home, alone with his convalescent spirit, + he became gradually himself again, but himself in thraldom to another. + </p> + <p> + He went to her only in the evenings, and knew nothing of how she spent her + time during the day, any more than he knew of her past; so little, indeed, + that he had not even the tiny, initial clue which, by allowing us to + imagine what we do not know, stimulates a desire for knowledge. And so he + never asked himself what she might be doing, or what her life had been. + Only he smiled sometimes at the thought of how, some years earlier, when + he still did not know her, some one had spoken to him of a woman who, if + he remembered rightly, must certainly have been Odette, as of a 'tart,' a + 'kept' woman, one of those women to whom he still attributed (having lived + but little in their company) the entire set of characteristics, + fundamentally perverse, with which they had been, for many years, endowed + by the imagination of certain novelists. He would say to himself that one + has, as often as not, only to take the exact counterpart of the reputation + created by the world in order to judge a person fairly, when with such a + character he contrasted that of Odette, so good, so simple, so + enthusiastic in the pursuit of ideals, so nearly incapable of not telling + the truth that, when he had once begged her, so that they might dine + together alone, to write to Mme. Verdurin, saying that she was unwell, the + next day he had seen her, face to face with Mme. Verdurin, who asked + whether she had recovered, blushing, stammering, and, in spite of herself, + revealing in every feature how painful, what a torture it was to her to + act a lie; and, while in her answer she multiplied the fictitious details + of an imaginary illness, seeming to ask pardon, by her suppliant look and + her stricken accents, for the obvious falsehood of her words. + </p> + <p> + On certain days, however, though these came seldom, she would call upon + him in the afternoon, to interrupt his musings or the essay on Vermeer to + which he had latterly returned. His servant would come in to say that Mme. + de Crécy was in the small drawing-room. He would go in search of her, and, + when he opened the door, on Odette's blushing countenance, as soon as she + caught sight of Swann, would appear—changing the curve of her lips, + the look in her eyes, the moulding of her cheeks—an all-absorbing + smile. Once he was left alone he would see again that smile, and her smile + of the day before, another with which she had greeted him sometime else, + the smile which had been her answer, in the carriage that night, when he + had asked her whether she objected to his rearranging her cattleyas; and + the life of Odette at all other times, since he knew nothing of it, + appeared to him upon a neutral and colourless background, like those + sheets of sketches by Watteau upon which one sees, here and there, in + every corner and in all directions, traced in three colours upon the buff + paper, innumerable smiles. But, once in a while, illuminating a chink of + that existence which Swann still saw as a complete blank, even if his mind + assured him that it was not so, because he was unable to imagine anything + that might occupy it, some friend who knew them both, and suspecting that + they were in love, had not dared to tell him anything about her that was + of the least importance, would describe Odette's figure, as he had seen + her, that very morning, going on foot up the Rue Abbattucci, in a cape + trimmed with skunks, wearing a Rembrandt hat, and a bunch of violets in + her bosom. This simple outline reduced Swann to utter confusion by + enabling him suddenly to perceive that Odette had an existence which was + not wholly subordinated to his own; he burned to know whom she had been + seeking to fascinate by this costume in which he had never seen her; he + registered a vow to insist upon her telling him where she had been going + at that intercepted moment, as though, in all the colourless life—a + life almost nonexistent, since she was then invisible to him—of his + mistress, there had been but a single incident apart from all those smiles + directed towards himself; namely, her walking abroad beneath a Rembrandt + hat, with a bunch of violets in her bosom. + </p> + <p> + Except when he asked her for Vinteuil's little phrase instead of the <i>Valse + des Roses</i>, Swann made no effort to induce her to play the things that + he himself preferred, nor, in literature any more than in music, to + correct the manifold errors of her taste. He fully realised that she was + not intelligent. When she said how much she would like him to tell her + about the great poets, she had imagined that she would suddenly get to + know whole pages of romantic and heroic verse, in the style of the Vicomte + de Borelli, only even more moving. As for Vermeer of Delft, she asked + whether he had been made to suffer by a woman, if it was a woman that had + inspired him, and once Swann had told her that no one knew, she had lost + all interest in that painter. She would often say: "I'm sure, poetry; + well, of course, there'd be nothing like it if it was all true, if the + poets really believed the things they said. But as often as not you'll + find there's no one so mean and calculating as those fellows. I know + something about poetry. I had a friend, once, who was in love with a poet + of sorts. In his verses he never spoke of anything but love, and heaven, + and the stars. Oh! she was properly taken in! He had more than three + hundred thousand francs out of her before he'd finished." If, then, Swann + tried to shew her in what artistic beauty consisted, how one ought to + appreciate poetry or painting, after a minute or two she would cease to + listen, saying: "Yes... I never thought it would be like that." And he + felt that her disappointment was so great that he preferred to lie to her, + assuring her that what he had said was nothing, that he had only touched + the surface, that he had not time to go into it all properly, that there + was more in it than that. Then she would interrupt with a brisk, "More in + it? What?... Do tell me!", but he did not tell her, for he realised how + petty it would appear to her, and how different from what she had + expected, less sensational and less touching; he was afraid, too, lest, + disillusioned in the matter of art, she might at the same time be + disillusioned in the greater matter of love. + </p> + <p> + With the result that she found Swann inferior, intellectually, to what she + had supposed. "You're always so reserved; I can't make you out." She + marvelled increasingly at his indifference to money, at his courtesy to + everyone alike, at the delicacy of his mind. And indeed it happens, often + enough, to a greater man than Swann ever was, to a scientist or artist, + when he is not wholly misunderstood by the people among whom he lives, + that the feeling in them which proves that they have been convinced of the + superiority of his intellect is created not by any admiration for his + ideas—for those are entirely beyond them—but by their respect + for what they term his good qualities. There was also the respect with + which Odette was inspired by the thought of Swann's social position, + although she had no desire that he should attempt to secure invitations + for herself. Perhaps she felt that such attempts would be bound to fail; + perhaps, indeed, she feared lest, merely by speaking of her to his + friends, he should provoke disclosures of an unwelcome kind. The fact + remains that she had consistently held him to his promise never to mention + her name. Her reason for not wishing to go into society was, she had told + him, a quarrel which she had had, long ago, with another girl, who had + avenged herself by saying nasty things about her. "But," Swann objected, + "surely, people don't all know your friend." "Yes, don't you see, it's + like a spot of oil; people are so horrid." Swann was unable, frankly, to + appreciate this point; on the other hand, he knew that such + generalisations as "People are so horrid," and "A word of scandal spreads + like a spot of oil," were generally accepted as true; there must, + therefore, be cases to which they were literally applicable. Could + Odette's case be one of these? He teased himself with the question, though + not for long, for he too was subject to that mental oppression which had + so weighed upon his father, whenever he was faced by a difficult problem. + In any event, that world of society which concealed such terrors for + Odette inspired her, probably, with no very great longing to enter it, + since it was too far removed from the world which she already knew for her + to be able to form any clear conception of it. At the same time, while in + certain respects she had retained a genuine simplicity (she had, for + instance, kept up a friendship with a little dressmaker, now retired from + business, up whose steep and dark and fetid staircase she clambered almost + every day), she still thirsted to be in the fashion, though her idea of it + was not altogether that held by fashionable people. For the latter, + fashion is a thing that emanates from a comparatively small number of + leaders, who project it to a considerable distance—with more or less + strength according as one is nearer to or farther from their intimate + centre—over the widening circle of their friends and the friends of + their friends, whose names form a sort of tabulated index. People 'in + society' know this index by heart, they are gifted in such matters with an + erudition from which they have extracted a sort of taste, of tact, so + automatic in its operation that Swann, for example, without needing to + draw upon his knowledge of the world, if he read in a newspaper the names + of the people who had been guests at a dinner, could tell at once how + fashionable the dinner had been, just as a man of letters, merely by + reading a phrase, can estimate exactly the literary merit of its author. + But Odette was one of those persons (an extremely numerous class, whatever + the fashionable world may think, and to be found in every section of + society) who do not share this knowledge, but imagine fashion to be + something of quite another kind, which assumes different aspects according + to the circle to which they themselves belong, but has the special + characteristic—common alike to the fashion of which Odette used to + dream and to that before which Mme. Cottard bowed—of being directly + accessible to all. The other kind, the fashion of 'fashionable people,' + is, it must be admitted, accessible also; but there are inevitable delays. + Odette would say of some one: "He never goes to any place that isn't + really smart." + </p> + <p> + And if Swann were to ask her what she meant by that, she would answer, + with a touch of contempt, "Smart places! Why, good heavens, just fancy, at + your age, having to be told what the smart places are in Paris! What do + you expect me to say? Well, on Sunday mornings there's the Avenue de + l'Impératrice, and round the lake at five o'clock, and on Thursdays the + Eden-Théâtre, and the Hippodrome on Fridays; then there are the balls..." + </p> + <p> + "What balls?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, silly, the balls people give in Paris; the smart ones, I mean. Wait + now, Herbinger, you know who I mean, the fellow who's in one of the + jobbers' offices; yes, of course, you must know him, he's one of the + best-known men in Paris, that great big fair-haired boy who wears such + swagger clothes; he always has a flower in his buttonhole and a + light-coloured overcoat with a fold down the back; he goes about with that + old image, takes her to all the first-nights. Very well! He gave a ball + the other night, and all the smart people in Paris were there. I should + have loved to go! but you had to shew your invitation at the door, and I + couldn't get one anywhere. After all, I'm just as glad, now, that I didn't + go; I should have been killed in the crush, and seen nothing. Still, just + to be able to say one had been to Herbinger's ball. You know how vain I + am! However, you may be quite certain that half the people who tell you + they were there are telling stories.... But I am surprised that you + weren't there, a regular 'tip-topper' like you." + </p> + <p> + Swann made no attempt, however, to modify this conception of fashion; + feeling that his own came no nearer to the truth, was just as fatuous, + devoid of all importance, he saw no advantage to be gained by imparting it + to his mistress, with the result that, after a few months, she ceased to + take any interest in the people to whose houses he went, except when they + were the means of his obtaining tickets for the paddock at race-meetings + or first-nights at the theatre. She hoped that he would continue to + cultivate such profitable acquaintances, but she had come to regard them + as less smart since the day when she had passed the Marquise de + Villeparisis in the street, wearing a black serge dress and a bonnet with + strings. + </p> + <p> + "But she looks like a pew-opener, like an old charwoman, darling! That a + marquise! Goodness knows I'm not a marquise, but you'd have to pay me a + lot of money before you'd get me to go about Paris rigged out like that!" + </p> + <p> + Nor could she understand Swann's continuing to live in his house on the + Quai d'Orléans, which, though she dared not tell him so, she considered + unworthy of him. + </p> + <p> + It was true that she claimed to be fond of 'antiques,' and used to assume + a rapturous and knowing air when she confessed how she loved to spend the + whole day 'rummaging' in second-hand shops, hunting for 'bric-à-brac,' and + things of the 'right date.' Although it was a point of honour, to which + she obstinately clung, as though obeying some old family custom, that she + should never answer any questions, never give any account of what she did + during the daytime, she spoke to Swann once about a friend to whose house + she had been invited, and had found that everything in it was 'of the + period.' Swann could not get her to tell him what 'period' it was. Only + after thinking the matter over she replied that it was 'mediaeval'; by + which she meant that the walls were panelled. Some time later she spoke to + him again of her friend, and added, in the hesitating but confident tone + in which one refers to a person whom one has met somewhere, at dinner, the + night before, of whom one had never heard until then, but whom one's hosts + seemed to regard as some one so celebrated and important that one hopes + that one's listener will know quite well who is meant, and will be duly + impressed: "Her dining-room... is... eighteenth century!" Incidentally, + she had thought it hideous, all bare, as though the house were still + unfinished; women looked frightful in it, and it would never become the + fashion. She mentioned it again, a third time, when she shewed Swann a + card with the name and address of the man who had designed the + dining-room, and whom she wanted to send for, when she had enough money, + to see whether he could not do one for her too; not one like that, of + course, but one of the sort she used to dream of, one which, + unfortunately, her little house would not be large enough to contain, with + tall sideboards, Renaissance furniture and fireplaces like the Château at + Blois. It was on this occasion that she let out to Swann what she really + thought of his abode on the Quai d'Orléans; he having ventured the + criticism that her friend had indulged, not in the Louis XVI style, for, + he went on, although that was not, of course, done, still it might be made + charming, but in the 'Sham-Antique.' + </p> + <p> + "You wouldn't have her live, like you, among a lot of broken-down chairs + and threadbare carpets!" she exclaimed, the innate respectability of the + middle-class housewife rising impulsively to the surface through the + acquired dilettantism of the 'light woman.' + </p> + <p> + People who enjoyed 'picking-up' things, who admired poetry, despised + sordid calculations of profit and loss, and nourished ideals of honour and + love, she placed in a class by themselves, superior to the rest of + humanity. There was no need actually to have those tastes, provided one + talked enough about them; when a man had told her at dinner that he loved + to wander about and get his hands all covered with dust in the old + furniture shops, that he would never be really appreciated in this + commercial age, since he was not concerned about the things that + interested it, and that he belonged to another generation altogether, she + would come home saying: "Why, he's an adorable creature; so sensitive! I + had no idea," and she would conceive for him a strong and sudden + friendship. But, on the other hand, men who, like Swann, had these tastes + but did not speak of them, left her cold. She was obliged, of course, to + admit that Swann was most generous with his money, but she would add, + pouting: "It's not the same thing, you see, with him," and, as a matter of + fact, what appealed to her imagination was not the practice of + disinterestedness, but its vocabulary. + </p> + <p> + Feeling that, often, he could not give her in reality the pleasures of + which she dreamed, he tried at least to ensure that she should be happy in + his company, tried not to contradict those vulgar ideas, that bad taste + which she displayed on every possible occasion, which all the same he + loved, as he could not help loving everything that came from her, which + even fascinated him, for were they not so many more of those + characteristic features, by virtue of which the essential qualities of the + woman emerged, and were made visible? And so, when she was in a happy mood + because she was going to see the <i>Reine Topaze</i>, or when her eyes + grew serious, troubled, petulant, if she was afraid of missing the + flower-show, or merely of not being in time for tea, with muffins and + toast, at the Rue Royale tea-rooms, where she believed that regular + attendance was indispensable, and set the seal upon a woman's certificate + of 'smartness,' Swann, enraptured, as all of us are, at times, by the + natural behaviour of a child, or by the likeness of a portrait, which + appears to be on the point of speaking, would feel so distinctly the soul + of his mistress rising to fill the outlines of her face that he could not + refrain from going across and welcoming it with his lips. "Oh, then, so + little Odette wants us to take her to the flower-show, does she? she wants + to be admired, does she? very well, we will take her there, we can but + obey her wishes." As Swann's sight was beginning to fail, he had to resign + himself to a pair of spectacles, which he wore at home, when working, + while to face the world he adopted a single eyeglass, as being less + disfiguring. The first time that she saw it in his eye, she could not + contain herself for joy: "I really do think—for a man, that is to + say—it is tremendously smart! How nice you look with it! Every inch + a gentleman. All you want now is a title!" she concluded, with a tinge of + regret in her voice. He liked Odette to say these things, just as, if he + had been in love with a Breton girl, he would have enjoyed seeing her in + her coif and hearing her say that she believed in ghosts. Always until + then, as is common among men whose taste for the fine arts develops + independently of their sensuality, a grotesque disparity had existed + between the satisfactions which he would accord to either taste + simultaneously; yielding to the seduction of works of art which grew more + and more subtle as the women in whose company he enjoyed them grew more + illiterate and common, he would take a little servant-girl to a screened + box in a theatre where there was some decadent piece which he had wished + to see performed, or to an exhibition of impressionist painting, with the + conviction, moreover, that an educated, 'society' woman would have + understood them no better, but would not have managed to keep quiet about + them so prettily. But, now that he was in love with Odette, all this was + changed; to share her sympathies, to strive to be one with her in spirit + was a task so attractive that he tried to find satisfaction in the things + that she liked, and did find a pleasure, not only in copying her habits + but in adopting her opinions, which was all the deeper because, as those + habits and opinions sprang from no roots in her intelligence, they + suggested to him nothing except that love, for the sake of which he had + preferred them to his own. If he went again to <i>Serge Panine</i>, if he + looked out for opportunities of going to watch Olivier Métra conducting, + it was for the pleasure of being initiated into every one of the ideas in + Odette's mind, of feeling that he had an equal share in all her tastes. + This charm of drawing him closer to her, which her favourite plays and + pictures and places possessed, struck him as being more mysterious than + the intrinsic charm of more beautiful things and places, which appealed to + him by their beauty, but without recalling her. Besides, having allowed + the intellectual beliefs of his youth to grow faint, until his scepticism, + as a finished 'man of the world,' had gradually penetrated them unawares, + he held (or at least he had held for so long that he had fallen into the + habit of saying) that the objects which we admire have no absolute value + in themselves, that the whole thing is a matter of dates and castes, and + consists in a series of fashions, the most vulgar of which are worth just + as much as those which are regarded as the most refined. And as he had + decided that the importance which Odette attached to receiving cards for a + private view was not in itself any more ridiculous than the pleasure which + he himself had at one time felt in going to luncheon with the Prince of + Wales, so he did not think that the admiration which she professed for + Monte-Carlo or for the Righi was any more unreasonable than his own liking + for Holland (which she imagined as ugly) and for Versailles (which bored + her to tears). And so he denied himself the pleasure of visiting those + places, consoling himself with the reflection that it was for her sake + that he wished to feel, to like nothing that was not equally felt and + liked by her. + </p> + <p> + Like everything else that formed part of Odette's environment, and was no + more, in a sense, than the means whereby he might see and talk to her more + often, he enjoyed the society of the Verdurins. With them, since, at the + heart of all their entertainments, dinners, musical evenings, games, + suppers in fancy dress, excursions to the country, theatre parties, even + the infrequent 'big evenings' when they entertained 'bores,' there were + the presence of Odette, the sight of Odette, conversation with Odette, an + inestimable boon which the Verdurins, by inviting him to their house, + bestowed on Swann, he was happier in the little 'nucleus' than anywhere + else, and tried to find some genuine merit in each of its members, + imagining that his tastes would lead him to frequent their society for the + rest of his life. Never daring to whisper to himself, lest he should doubt + the truth of the suggestion, that he would always be in love with Odette, + at least when he tried to suppose that he would always go to the + Verdurins' (a proposition which, a priori, raised fewer fundamental + objections on the part of his intelligence), he saw himself for the future + continuing to meet Odette every evening; that did not, perhaps, come quite + to the same thing as his being permanently in love with her, but for the + moment while he was in love with her, to feel that he would not, one day, + cease to see her was all that he could ask. "What a charming atmosphere!" + he said to himself. "How entirely genuine life is to these people! They + are far more intelligent, far more artistic, surely, than the people one + knows. Mme. Verdurin, in spite of a few trifling exaggerations which are + rather absurd, has a sincere love of painting and music! What a passion + for works of art, what anxiety to give pleasure to artists! Her ideas + about some of the people one knows are not quite right, but then their + ideas about artistic circles are altogether wrong! Possibly I make no + great intellectual demands upon conversation, but I am perfectly happy + talking to Cottard, although he does trot out those idiotic puns. And as + for the painter, if he is rather unpleasantly affected when he tries to be + paradoxical, still he has one of the finest brains that I have ever come + across. Besides, what is most important, one feels quite free there, one + does what one likes without constraint or fuss. What a flow of humour + there is every day in that drawing-room! Certainly, with a few rare + exceptions, I never want to go anywhere else again. It will become more + and more of a habit, and I shall spend the rest of my life among them." + </p> + <p> + And as the qualities which he supposed to be an intrinsic part of the + Verdurin character were no more, really, than their superficial reflection + of the pleasure which had been enjoyed in their society by his love for + Odette, those qualities became more serious, more profound, more vital, as + that pleasure increased. Since Mme. Verdurin gave Swann, now and then, + what alone could constitute his happiness; since, on an evening when he + felt anxious because Odette had talked rather more to one of the party + than to another, and, in a spasm of irritation, would not take the + initiative by asking her whether she was coming home, Mme. Verdurin + brought peace and joy to his troubled spirit by the spontaneous + exclamation: "Odette! You'll see M. Swann home, won't you?"; since, when + the summer holidays came, and after he had asked himself uneasily whether + Odette might not leave Paris without him, whether he would still be able + to see her every day, Mme. Verdurin was going to invite them both to spend + the summer with her in the country; Swann, unconsciously allowing + gratitude and self-interest to filter into his intelligence and to + influence his ideas, went so far as to proclaim that Mme. Verdurin was "a + great and noble soul." Should any of his old fellow-pupils in the Louvre + school of painting speak to him of some rare or eminent artist, "I'd a + hundred times rather," he would reply, "have the Verdurins." And, with a + solemnity of diction which was new in him: "They are magnanimous + creatures, and magnanimity is, after all, the one thing that matters, the + one thing that gives us distinction here on earth. Look you, there are + only two classes of men, the magnanimous, and the rest; and I have reached + an age when one has to take sides, to decide once and for all whom one is + going to like and dislike, to stick to the people one likes, and, to make + up for the time one has wasted with the others, never to leave them again + as long as one lives. Very well!" he went on, with the slight emotion + which a man feels when, even without being fully aware of what he is + doing, he says something, not because it is true but because he enjoys + saying it, and listens to his own voice uttering the words as though they + came from some one else, "The die is now cast; I have elected to love none + but magnanimous souls, and to live only in an atmosphere of magnanimity. + You ask me whether Mme. Verdurin is really intelligent. I can assure you + that she has given me proofs of a nobility of heart, of a loftiness of + soul, to which no one could possibly attain—how could they?—without + a corresponding loftiness of mind. Without question, she has a profound + understanding of art. But it is not, perhaps, in that that she is most + admirable; every little action, ingeniously, exquisitely kind, which she + has performed for my sake, every friendly attention, simple little things, + quite domestic and yet quite sublime, reveal a more profound comprehension + of existence than all your textbooks of philosophy." + </p> + <p> + * * * + </p> + <p> + He might have reminded himself, all the same, that there were various old + friends of his family who were just as simple as the Verdurins, companions + of his early days who were just as fond of art, that he knew other + 'great-hearted creatures,' and that, nevertheless, since he had cast his + vote in favour of simplicity, the arts, and magnanimity, he had entirely + ceased to see them. But these people did not know Odette, and, if they had + known her, would never have thought of introducing her to him. + </p> + <p> + And so there was probably not, in the whole of the Verdurin circle, a + single one of the 'faithful' who loved them, or believed that he loved + them, as dearly as did Swann. And yet, when M. Verdurin said that he was + not satisfied with Swann, he had not only expressed his own sentiments, he + had unwittingly discovered his wife's. Doubtless Swann had too particular + an affection for Odette, as to which he had failed to take Mme. Verdurin + daily into his confidence; doubtless the very discretion with which he + availed himself of the Verdurins' hospitality, refraining, often, from + coming to dine with them for a reason which they never suspected, and in + place of which they saw only an anxiety on his part not to have to decline + an invitation to the house of some 'bore' or other; doubtless, also, and + despite all the precautions which he had taken to keep it from them, the + gradual discovery which they were making of his brilliant position in + society—doubtless all these things contributed to their general + annoyance with Swann. But the real, the fundamental reason was quite + different. What had happened was that they had at once discovered in him a + locked door, a reserved, impenetrable chamber in which he still professed + silently to himself that the Princesse de Sagan was not grotesque, and + that Cottard's jokes were not amusing; in a word (and for all that he + never once abandoned his friendly attitude towards them all, or revolted + from their dogmas), they had discovered an impossibility of imposing those + dogmas upon him, of entirely converting him to their faith, the like of + which they had never come across in anyone before. They would have + forgiven his going to the houses of 'bores' (to whom, as it happened, in + his heart of hearts he infinitely preferred the Verdurins and all their + little 'nucleus') had he consented to set a good example by openly + renouncing those 'bores' in the presence of the 'faithful.' But that was + an abjuration which, as they well knew, they were powerless to extort. + </p> + <p> + What a difference was there in a 'newcomer' whom Odette had asked them to + invite, although she herself had met him only a few times, and on whom + they were building great hopes—the Comte de Forcheville! (It turned + out that he was nothing more nor less than the brother-in-law of Saniette, + a discovery which filled all the 'faithful' with amazement: the manners of + the old palaeographer were so humble that they had always supposed him to + be of a class inferior, socially, to their own, and had never expected to + learn that he came of a rich and relatively aristocratic family.) Of + course, Forcheville was enormously the 'swell,' which Swann was not or had + quite ceased to be; of course, he would never dream of placing, as Swann + now placed, the Verdurin circle above any other. But he lacked that + natural refinement which prevented Swann from associating himself with the + criticisms (too obviously false to be worth his notice) that Mme. Verdurin + levelled at people whom he knew. As for the vulgar and affected tirades in + which the painter sometimes indulged, the bag-man's pleasantries which + Cottard used to hazard,—whereas Swann, who liked both men sincerely, + could easily find excuses for these without having either the courage or + the hypocrisy to applaud them, Forcheville, on the other hand, was on an + intellectual level which permitted him to be stupified, amazed by the + invective (without in the least understanding what it all was about), and + to be frankly delighted by the wit. And the very first dinner at the + Verdurins' at which Forcheville was present threw a glaring light upon all + the differences between them, made his qualities start into prominence and + precipitated the disgrace of Swann. + </p> + <p> + There was, at this dinner, besides the usual party, a professor from the + Sorbonne, one Brichot, who had met M. and Mme. Verdurin at a + watering-place somewhere, and, if his duties at the university and his + other works of scholarship had not left him with very little time to + spare, would gladly have come to them more often. For he had that + curiosity, that superstitious outlook on life, which, combined with a + certain amount of scepticism with regard to the object of their studies, + earn for men of intelligence, whatever their profession, for doctors who + do not believe in medicine, for schoolmasters who do not believe in Latin + exercises, the reputation of having broad, brilliant, and indeed superior + minds. He affected, when at Mme. Verdurin's, to choose his illustrations + from among the most topical subjects of the day, when he spoke of + philosophy or history, principally because he regarded those sciences as + no more, really, than a preparation for life itself, and imagined that he + was seeing put into practice by the 'little clan' what hitherto he had + known only from books; and also, perhaps, because, having had drilled into + him as a boy, and having unconsciously preserved, a feeling of reverence + for certain subjects, he thought that he was casting aside the scholar's + gown when he ventured to treat those subjects with a conversational + licence, which seemed so to him only because the folds of the gown still + clung. + </p> + <p> + Early in the course of the dinner, when M. de Forcheville, seated on the + right of Mme. Verdurin, who, in the 'newcomer's' honour, had taken great + pains with her toilet, observed to her: "Quite original, that white + dress," the Doctor, who had never taken his eyes off him, so curious was + he to learn the nature and attributes of what he called a "de," and was on + the look-out for an opportunity of attracting his attention, so as to come + into closer contact with him, caught in its flight the adjective '<i>blanche</i>' + and, his eyes still glued to his plate, snapped out, "<i>Blanche</i>? + Blanche of Castile?" then, without moving his head, shot a furtive glance + to right and left of him, doubtful, but happy on the whole. While Swann, + by the painful and futile effort which he made to smile, testified that he + thought the pun absurd, Forcheville had shewn at once that he could + appreciate its subtlety, and that he was a man of the world, by keeping + within its proper limits a mirth the spontaneity of which had charmed Mme. + Verdurin. + </p> + <p> + "What are you to say of a scientist like that?" she asked Forcheville. + "You can't talk seriously to him for two minutes on end. Is that the sort + of thing you tell them at your hospital?" she went on, turning to the + Doctor. "They must have some pretty lively times there, if that's the + case. I can see that I shall have to get taken in as a patient!" + </p> + <p> + "I think I heard the Doctor speak of that wicked old humbug, Blanche of + Castile, if I may so express myself. Am I not right, Madame?" Brichot + appealed to Mme. Verdurin, who, swooning with merriment, her eyes tightly + closed, had buried her face in her two hands, from between which, now and + then, escaped a muffled scream. + </p> + <p> + "Good gracious, Madame, I would not dream of shocking the reverent-minded, + if there are any such around this table, <i>sub rosa</i>... I recognise, + moreover, that our ineffable and Athenian—oh, how infinitely + Athenian—Republic is capable of honouring, in the person of that + obscurantist old she-Capet, the first of our chiefs of police. Yes, + indeed, my dear host, yes, indeed!" he repeated in his ringing voice, + which sounded a separate note for each syllable, in reply to a protest by + M. Verdurin. "The Chronicle of Saint Denis, and the authenticity of its + information is beyond question, leaves us no room for doubt on that point. + No one could be more fitly chosen as Patron by a secularising proletariat + than that mother of a Saint, who let him see some pretty fishy saints + besides, as Suger says, and other great St. Bernards of the sort; for with + her it was a case of taking just what you pleased." + </p> + <p> + "Who is that gentleman?" Forcheville asked Mme. Verdurin. "He seems to + speak with great authority." + </p> + <p> + "What! Do you mean to say you don't know the famous Brichot? Why, he's + celebrated all over Europe." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, that's Bréchot, is it?" exclaimed Forcheville, who had not quite + caught the name. "You must tell me all about him"; he went on, fastening a + pair of goggle eyes on the celebrity. "It's always interesting to meet + well-known people at dinner. But, I say, you ask us to very select parties + here. No dull evenings in this house, I'm sure." + </p> + <p> + "Well, you know what it is really," said Mme. Verdurin modestly. "They + feel safe here. They can talk about whatever they like, and the + conversation goes off like fireworks. Now Brichot, this evening, is + nothing. I've seen him, don't you know, when he's been with me, simply + dazzling; you'd want to go on your knees to him. Well, with anyone else + he's not the same man, he's not in the least witty, you have to drag the + words out of him, he's even boring." + </p> + <p> + "That's strange," remarked Forcheville with fitting astonishment. + </p> + <p> + A sort of wit like Brichot's would have been regarded as out-and-out + stupidity by the people among whom Swann had spent his early life, for all + that it is quite compatible with real intelligence. And the intelligence + of the Professor's vigorous and well-nourished brain might easily have + been envied by many of the people in society who seemed witty enough to + Swann. But these last had so thoroughly inculcated into him their likes + and dislikes, at least in everything that pertained to their ordinary + social existence, including that annex to social existence which belongs, + strictly speaking, to the domain of intelligence, namely, conversation, + that Swann could not see anything in Brichot's pleasantries; to him they + were merely pedantic, vulgar, and disgustingly coarse. He was shocked, + too, being accustomed to good manners, by the rude, almost barrack-room + tone which this student-in-arms adopted, no matter to whom he was + speaking. Finally, perhaps, he had lost all patience that evening as he + watched Mme. Verdurin welcoming, with such unnecessary warmth, this + Forcheville fellow, whom it had been Odette's unaccountable idea to bring + to the house. Feeling a little awkward, with Swann there also, she had + asked him on her arrival: "What do you think of my guest?" + </p> + <p> + And he, suddenly realising for the first time that Forcheville, whom he + had known for years, could actually attract a woman, and was quite a good + specimen of a man, had retorted: "Beastly!" He had, certainly, no idea of + being jealous of Odette, but did not feel quite so happy as usual, and + when Brichot, having begun to tell them the story of Blanche of Castile's + mother, who, according to him, "had been with Henry Plantagenet for years + before they were married," tried to prompt Swann to beg him to continue + the story, by interjecting "Isn't that so, M. Swann?" in the martial + accents which one uses in order to get down to the level of an + unintelligent rustic or to put the 'fear of God' into a trooper, Swann cut + his story short, to the intense fury of their hostess, by begging to be + excused for taking so little interest in Blanche of Castile, as he had + something that he wished to ask the painter. He, it appeared, had been + that afternoon to an exhibition of the work of another artist, also a + friend of Mme. Verdurin, who had recently died, and Swann wished to find + out from him (for he valued his discrimination) whether there had really + been anything more in this later work than the virtuosity which had struck + people so forcibly in his earlier exhibitions. + </p> + <p> + "From that point of view it was extraordinary, but it did not seem to me + to be a form of art which you could call 'elevated,'" said Swann with a + smile. + </p> + <p> + "Elevated... to the height of an Institute!" interrupted Cottard, raising + his arms with mock solemnity. The whole table burst out laughing. + </p> + <p> + "What did I tell you?" said Mme. Verdurin to Forcheville. "It's simply + impossible to be serious with him. When you least expect it, out he comes + with a joke." + </p> + <p> + But she observed that Swann, and Swann alone, had not unbent. For one + thing he was none too well pleased with Cottard for having secured a laugh + at his expense in front of Forcheville. But the painter, instead of + replying in a way that might have interested Swann, as he would probably + have done had they been alone together, preferred to win the easy + admiration of the rest by exercising his wit upon the talent of their dead + friend. + </p> + <p> + "I went up to one of them," he began, "just to see how it was done; I + stuck my nose into it. Yes, I don't think! Impossible to say whether it + was done with glue, with soap, with sealing-wax, with sunshine, with + leaven, with excrem..." + </p> + <p> + "And one make twelve!" shouted the Doctor, wittily, but just too late, for + no one saw the point of his interruption. + </p> + <p> + "It looks as though it were done with nothing at all," resumed the + painter. "No more chance of discovering the trick than there is in the + 'Night Watch,' or the 'Regents,' and it's even bigger work than either + Rembrandt or Hals ever did. It's all there,—and yet, no, I'll take + my oath it isn't." + </p> + <p> + Then, just as singers who have reached the highest note in their compass, + proceed to hum the rest of the air in falsetto, he had to be satisfied + with murmuring, smiling the while, as if, after all, there had been + something irresistibly amusing in the sheer beauty of the painting: "It + smells all right; it makes your head go round; it catches your breath; you + feel ticklish all over—and not the faintest clue to how it's done. + The man's a sorcerer; the thing's a conjuring-trick, it's a miracle," + bursting outright into laughter, "it's dishonest!" Then stopping, solemnly + raising his head, pitching his voice on a double-bass note which he + struggled to bring into harmony, he concluded, "And it's so loyal!" + </p> + <p> + Except at the moment when he had called it "bigger than the 'Night + Watch,'" a blasphemy which had called forth an instant protest from Mme. + Verdurin, who regarded the 'Night Watch' as the supreme masterpiece of the + universe (conjointly with the 'Ninth' and the 'Samothrace'), and at the + word "excrement," which had made Forcheville throw a sweeping glance round + the table to see whether it was 'all right,' before he allowed his lips to + curve in a prudish and conciliatory smile, all the party (save Swann) had + kept their fascinated and adoring eyes fixed upon the painter. + </p> + <p> + "I do so love him when he goes up in the air like that!" cried Mme. + Verdurin, the moment that he had finished, enraptured that the table-talk + should have proved so entertaining on the very night that Forcheville was + dining with them for the first time. "Hallo, you!" she turned to her + husband, "what's the matter with you, sitting there gaping like a great + animal? You know, though, don't you," she apologised for him to the + painter, "that he can talk quite well when he chooses; anybody would think + it was the first time he had ever listened to you. If you had only seen + him while you were speaking; he was just drinking it all in. And to-morrow + he will tell us everything you said, without missing a word." + </p> + <p> + "No, really, I'm not joking!" protested the painter, enchanted by the + success of his speech. "You all look as if you thought I was pulling your + legs, that it was just a trick. I'll take you to see the show, and then + you can say whether I've been exaggerating; I'll bet you anything you + like, you'll come away more 'up in the air' than I am!" + </p> + <p> + "But we don't suppose for a moment that you're exaggerating; we only want + you to go on with your dinner, and my husband too. Give M. Biche some more + sole, can't you see his has got cold? We're not in any hurry; you're + dashing round as if the house was on fire. Wait a little; don't serve the + salad just yet." + </p> + <p> + Mme. Cottard, who was a shy woman and spoke but seldom, was not lacking, + for all that, in self-assurance when a happy inspiration put the right + word in her mouth. She felt that it would be well received; the thought + gave her confidence, and what she was doing was done with the object not + so much of shining herself, as of helping her husband on in his career. + And so she did not allow the word 'salad,' which Mme. Verdurin had just + uttered, to pass unchallenged. + </p> + <p> + "It's not a Japanese salad, is it?" she whispered, turning towards Odette. + </p> + <p> + And then, in her joy and confusion at the combination of neatness and + daring which there had been in making so discreet and yet so unmistakable + an allusion to the new and brilliantly successful play by Dumas, she broke + down in a charming, girlish laugh, not very loud, but so irresistible that + it was some time before she could control it. + </p> + <p> + "Who is that lady? She seems devilish clever," said Forcheville. + </p> + <p> + "No, it is not. But we will have one for you if you will all come to + dinner on Friday." + </p> + <p> + "You will think me dreadfully provincial, sir," said Mme. Cottard to + Swann, "but, do you know, I haven't been yet to this famous <i>Francillon</i> + that everybody's talking about. The Doctor has been (I remember now, he + told me what a very great pleasure it had been to him to spend the evening + with you there) and I must confess, I don't see much sense in spending + money on seats for him to take me, when he's seen the play already. Of + course an evening at the Théâtre-Français is never wasted, really; the + acting's so good there always; but we have some very nice friends," (Mme. + Cottard would hardly ever utter a proper name, but restricted herself to + "some friends of ours" or "one of my friends," as being more + 'distinguished,' speaking in an affected tone and with all the importance + of a person who need give names only when she chooses) "who often have a + box, and are kind enough to take us to all the new pieces that are worth + going to, and so I'm certain to see this <i>Francillon</i> sooner or + later, and then I shall know what to think. But I do feel such a fool + about it, I must confess, for, whenever I pay a call anywhere, I find + everybody talking—it's only natural—about that wretched + Japanese salad. Really and truly, one's beginning to get just a little + tired of hearing about it," she went on, seeing that Swann seemed less + interested than she had hoped in so burning a topic. "I must admit, + though, that it's sometimes quite amusing, the way they joke about it: + I've got a friend, now, who is most original, though she's really a + beautiful woman, most popular in society, goes everywhere, and she tells + me that she got her cook to make one of these Japanese salads, putting in + everything that young M. Dumas says you're to put in, in the play. Then + she asked just a few friends to come and taste it. I was not among the + favoured few, I'm sorry to say. But she told us all about it on her next + 'day'; it seems it was quite horrible, she made us all laugh till we + cried. I don't know; perhaps it was the way she told it," Mme. Cottard + added doubtfully, seeing that Swann still looked grave. + </p> + <p> + And, imagining that it was, perhaps, because he had not been amused by <i>Francillon</i>: + "Well, I daresay I shall be disappointed with it, after all. I don't + suppose it's as good as the piece Mme. de Crécy worships, <i>Serge Panine</i>. + There's a play, if you like; so deep, makes you think! But just fancy + giving a receipt for a salad on the stage of the Théâtre-Français! Now, <i>Serge + Panine</i>—! But then, it's like everything that comes from the pen + of M. Georges Ohnet, it's so well written. I wonder if you know the <i>Maître + des Forges</i>, which I like even better than <i>Serge Panine</i>." + </p> + <p> + "Pardon me," said Swann with polite irony, "but I can assure you that my + want of admiration is almost equally divided between those masterpieces." + </p> + <p> + "Really, now; that's very interesting. And what don't you like about them? + Won't you ever change your mind? Perhaps you think he's a little too sad. + Well, well, what I always say is, one should never argue about plays or + novels. Everyone has his own way of looking at things, and what may be + horrible to you is, perhaps, just what I like best." + </p> + <p> + She was interrupted by Forcheville's addressing Swann. What had happened + was that, while Mme. Cottard was discussing <i>Francillon</i>, Forcheville + had been expressing to Mme. Verdurin his admiration for what he called the + "little speech" of the painter. "Your friend has such a flow of language, + such a memory!" he had said to her when the painter had come to a + standstill, "I've seldom seen anything like it. He'd make a first-rate + preacher. By Jove, I wish I was like that. What with him and M. Bréchot + you've drawn two lucky numbers to-night; though I'm not so sure that, + simply as a speaker, this one doesn't knock spots off the Professor. It + comes more naturally with him, less like reading from a book. Of course, + the way he goes on, he does use some words that are a bit realistic, and + all that; but that's quite the thing nowadays; anyhow, it's not often I've + seen a man hold the floor as cleverly as that, 'hold the spittoon,' as we + used to say in the regiment, where, by the way, we had a man he rather + reminds me of. You could take anything you liked—I don't know what—this + glass, say; and he'd talk away about it for hours; no, not this glass; + that's a silly thing to say, I'm sorry; but something a little bigger, + like the battle of Waterloo, or anything of that sort, he'd tell you + things you simply wouldn't believe. Why, Swann was in the regiment then; + he must have known him." + </p> + <p> + "Do you see much of M. Swann?" asked Mme. Verdurin. + </p> + <p> + "Oh dear, no!" he answered, and then, thinking that if he made himself + pleasant to Swann he might find favour with Odette, he decided to take + this opportunity of flattering him by speaking of his fashionable friends, + but speaking as a man of the world himself, in a tone of good-natured + criticism, and not as though he were congratulating Swann upon some + undeserved good fortune: "Isn't that so, Swann? I never see anything of + you, do I?—But then, where on earth is one to see him? The creature + spends all his time shut up with the La Trémoïlles, with the Laumes and + all that lot!" The imputation would have been false at any time, and was + all the more so, now that for at least a year Swann had given up going to + almost any house but the Verdurins'. But the mere names of families whom + the Verdurins did not know were received by them in a reproachful silence. + M. Verdurin, dreading the painful impression which the mention of these + 'bores,' especially when flung at her in this tactless fashion, and in + front of all the 'faithful,' was bound to make on his wife, cast a covert + glance at her, instinct with anxious solicitude. He saw then that in her + fixed resolution to take no notice, to have escaped contact, altogether, + with the news which had just been addressed to her, not merely to remain + dumb but to have been deaf as well, as we pretend to be when a friend who + has been in the wrong attempts to slip into his conversation some excuse + which we should appear to be accepting, should we appear to have heard it + without protesting, or when some one utters the name of an enemy, the very + mention of whom in our presence is forbidden; Mme. Verdurin, so that her + silence should have the appearance, not of consent but of the unconscious + silence which inanimate objects preserve, had suddenly emptied her face of + all life, of all mobility; her rounded forehead was nothing, now, but an + exquisite study in high relief, which the name of those La Trémoïlles, + with whom Swann was always 'shut up,' had failed to penetrate; her nose, + just perceptibly wrinkled in a frown, exposed to view two dark cavities + that were, surely, modelled from life. You would have said that her + half-opened lips were just about to speak. It was all no more, however, + than a wax cast, a mask in plaster, the sculptor's design for a monument, + a bust to be exhibited in the Palace of Industry, where the public would + most certainly gather in front of it and marvel to see how the sculptor, + in expressing the unchallengeable dignity of the Verdurins, as opposed to + that of the La Trémoïlles or Laumes, whose equals (if not, indeed, their + betters) they were, and the equals and betters of all other 'bores' upon + the face of the earth, had managed to invest with a majesty that was + almost Papal the whiteness and rigidity of his stone. But the marble at + last grew animated and let it be understood that it didn't do to be at all + squeamish if one went to that house, since the woman was always tipsy and + the husband so uneducated that he called a corridor a 'collidor'! + </p> + <p> + "You'd need to pay me a lot of money before I'd let any of that lot set + foot inside my house," Mme. Verdurin concluded, gazing imperially down on + Swann. + </p> + <p> + She could scarcely have expected him to capitulate so completely as to + echo the holy simplicity of the pianist's aunt, who at once exclaimed: "To + think of that, now! What surprises me is that they can get anybody to go + near them; I'm sure I should be afraid; one can't be too careful. How can + people be so common as to go running after them?" + </p> + <p> + But he might, at least, have replied, like Forcheville: "Gad, she's a + duchess; there are still plenty of people who are impressed by that sort + of thing," which would at least have permitted Mme. Verdurin the final + retort, "And a lot of good may it do them!" Instead of which, Swann merely + smiled, in a manner which shewed, quite clearly, that he could not, of + course, take such an absurd suggestion seriously. M. Verdurin, who was + still casting furtive and intermittent glances at his wife, could see with + regret, and could understand only too well that she was now inflamed with + the passion of a Grand Inquisitor who cannot succeed in stamping out a + heresy; and so, in the hope of bringing Swann round to a retractation (for + the courage of one's opinions is always a form of calculating cowardice in + the eyes of the 'other side'), he broke in: + </p> + <p> + "Tell us frankly, now, what you think of them yourself. We shan't repeat + it to them, you may be sure." + </p> + <p> + To which Swann answered: "Why, I'm not in the least afraid of the Duchess + (if it is of the La Trémoïlles that you're speaking). I can assure you + that everyone likes going to see her. I don't go so far as to say that + she's at all 'deep'—" he pronounced the word as if it meant + something ridiculous, for his speech kept the traces of certain mental + habits which the recent change in his life, a rejuvenation illustrated by + his passion for music, had inclined him temporarily to discard, so that at + times he would actually state his views with considerable warmth—"but + I am quite sincere when I say that she is intelligent, while her husband + is positively a bookworm. They are charming people." + </p> + <p> + His explanation was terribly effective; Mme. Verdurin now realised that + this one state of unbelief would prevent her 'little nucleus' from ever + attaining to complete unanimity, and was unable to restrain herself, in + her fury at the obstinacy of this wretch who could not see what anguish + his words were causing her, but cried aloud, from the depths of her + tortured heart, "You may think so if you wish, but at least you need not + say so to us." + </p> + <p> + "It all depends upon what you call intelligence." Forcheville felt that it + was his turn to be brilliant. "Come now, Swann, tell us what you mean by + intelligence." + </p> + <p> + "There," cried Odette, "that's one of the big things I beg him to tell me + about, and he never will." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, but..." protested Swann. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, but nonsense!" said Odette. + </p> + <p> + "A water-butt?" asked the Doctor. + </p> + <p> + "To you," pursued Forcheville, "does intelligence mean what they call + clever talk; you know, the sort of people who worm their way into + society?" + </p> + <p> + "Finish your sweet, so that they can take your plate away!" said Mme. + Verdurin sourly to Saniette, who was lost in thought and had stopped + eating. And then, perhaps a little ashamed of her rudeness, "It doesn't + matter; take your time about it; there's no hurry; I only reminded you + because of the others, you know; it keeps the servants back." + </p> + <p> + "There is," began Brichot, with a resonant smack upon every syllable, "a + rather curious definition of intelligence by that pleasing old anarchist + Fénelon..." + </p> + <p> + "Just listen to this!" Mme. Verdurin rallied Forcheville and the Doctor. + "He's going to give us Fénelon's definition of intelligence. That's + interesting. It's not often you get a chance of hearing that!" + </p> + <p> + But Brichot was keeping Fénelon's definition until Swann should have given + his own. Swann remained silent, and, by this fresh act of recreancy, + spoiled the brilliant tournament of dialectic which Mme. Verdurin was + rejoicing at being able to offer to Forcheville. + </p> + <p> + "You see, it's just the same as with me!" Odette was peevish. "I'm not at + all sorry to see that I'm not the only one he doesn't find quite up to his + level." + </p> + <p> + "These de La Trémouailles whom Mme. Verdurin has exhibited to us as so + little to be desired," inquired Brichot, articulating vigorously, "are + they, by any chance, descended from the couple whom that worthy old snob, + Sévigné, said she was delighted to know, because it was so good for her + peasants? True, the Marquise had another reason, which in her case + probably came first, for she was a thorough journalist at heart, and + always on the look-out for 'copy.' And, in the journal which she used to + send regularly to her daughter, it was Mme. de La Trémouaille, kept + well-informed through all her grand connections, who supplied the foreign + politics." + </p> + <p> + "Oh dear, no. I'm quite sure they aren't the same family," said Mme. + Verdurin desperately. + </p> + <p> + Saniette who, ever since he had surrendered his untouched plate to the + butler, had been plunged once more in silent meditation, emerged finally + to tell them, with a nervous laugh, a story of how he had once dined with + the Duc de La Trémoïlle, the point of which was that the Duke did not know + that George Sand was the pseudonym of a woman. Swann, who really liked + Saniette, felt bound to supply him with a few facts illustrative of the + Duke's culture, which would prove that such ignorance on his part was + literally impossible; but suddenly he stopped short; he had realised, as + he was speaking, that Saniette needed no proof, but knew already that the + story was untrue for the simple reason that he had at that moment invented + it. The worthy man suffered acutely from the Verdurins' always finding him + so dull; and as he was conscious of having been more than ordinarily + morose this evening, he had made up his mind that he would succeed in + being amusing, at least once, before the end of dinner. He surrendered so + quickly, looked so wretched at the sight of his castle in ruins, and + replied in so craven a tone to Swann, appealing to him not to persist in a + refutation which was already superfluous, "All right; all right; anyhow, + even if I have made a mistake that's not a crime, I hope," that Swann + longed to be able to console him by insisting that the story was + indubitably true and exquisitely funny. The Doctor, who had been + listening, had an idea that it was the right moment to interject "<i>Se + non è vero</i>," but he was not quite certain of the words, and was afraid + of being caught out. + </p> + <p> + After dinner, Forcheville went up to the Doctor. "She can't have been at + all bad looking, Mme. Verdurin; anyhow, she's a woman you can really talk + to; that's all I want. Of course she's getting a bit broad in the beam. + But Mme. de Crécy! There's a little woman who knows what's what, all + right. Upon my word and soul, you can see at a glance she's got the + American eye, that girl has. We are speaking of Mme. de Crécy," he + explained, as M. Verdurin joined them, his pipe in his mouth. "I should + say that, as a specimen of the female form—" + </p> + <p> + "I'd rather have it in my bed than a clap of thunder!" the words came + tumbling from Cottard, who had for some time been waiting in vain until + Forcheville should pause for breath, so that he might get in his hoary old + joke, a chance for which might not, he feared, come again, if the + conversation should take a different turn; and he produced it now with + that excessive spontaneity and confidence which may often be noticed + attempting to cover up the coldness, and the slight flutter of emotion, + inseparable from a prepared recitation. Forcheville knew and saw the joke, + and was thoroughly amused. As for M. Verdurin, he was unsparing of his + merriment, having recently discovered a way of expressing it by a symbol, + different from his wife's, but equally simple and obvious. Scarcely had he + begun the movement of head and shoulders of a man who was 'shaking with + laughter' than he would begin also to cough, as though, in laughing too + violently, he had swallowed a mouthful of smoke from his pipe. And by + keeping the pipe firmly in his mouth he could prolong indefinitely the + dumb-show of suffocation and hilarity. So he and Mme. Verdurin (who, at + the other side of the room, where the painter was telling her a story, was + shutting her eyes preparatory to flinging her face into her hands) + resembled two masks in a theatre, each representing Comedy, but in a + different way. + </p> + <p> + M. Verdurin had been wiser than he knew in not taking his pipe out of his + mouth, for Cottard, having occasion to leave the room for a moment, + murmured a witty euphemism which he had recently acquired and repeated now + whenever he had to go to the place in question: "I must just go and see + the Duc d'Aumale for a minute," so drolly, that M. Verdurin's cough began + all over again. + </p> + <p> + "Now, then, take your pipe out of your mouth; can't you see, you'll choke + if you try to bottle up your laughter like that," counselled Mme. + Verdurin, as she came round with a tray of liqueurs. + </p> + <p> + "What a delightful man your husband is; he has the wit of a dozen!" + declared Forcheville to Mme. Cottard. "Thank you, thank you, an old + soldier like me can never say 'No' to a drink." + </p> + <p> + "M. de Forcheville thinks Odette charming," M. Verdurin told his wife. + </p> + <p> + "Why, do you know, she wants so much to meet you again some day at + luncheon. We must arrange it, but don't on any account let Swann hear + about it. He spoils everything, don't you know. I don't mean to say that + you're not to come to dinner too, of course; we hope to see you very + often. Now that the warm weather's coming, we're going to have dinner out + of doors whenever we can. That won't bore you, will it, a quiet little + dinner, now and then, in the Bois? Splendid, splendid, that will be quite + delightful.... + </p> + <p> + "Aren't you going to do any work this evening, I say?" she screamed + suddenly to the little pianist, seeing an opportunity for displaying, + before a 'newcomer' of Forcheville's importance, at once her unfailing wit + and her despotic power over the 'faithful.' + </p> + <p> + "M. de Forcheville was just going to say something dreadful about you," + Mme. Cottard warned her husband as he reappeared in the room. And he, + still following up the idea of Forcheville's noble birth, which had + obsessed him all through dinner, began again with: "I am treating a + Baroness just now, Baroness Putbus; weren't there some Putbuses in the + Crusades? Anyhow they've got a lake in Pomerania that's ten times the size + of the Place de la Concorde. I am treating her for dry arthritis; she's a + charming woman. Mme. Verdurin knows her too, I believe." + </p> + <p> + Which enabled Forcheville, a moment later, finding himself alone with Mme. + Cottard, to complete his favourable verdict on her husband with: "He's an + interesting man, too; you can see that he knows some good people. Gad! but + they get to know a lot of things, those doctors." + </p> + <p> + "D'you want me to play the phrase from the sonata for M. Swann?" asked the + pianist. + </p> + <p> + "What the devil's that? Not the sonata-snake, I hope!" shouted M. de + Forcheville, hoping to create an effect. But Dr. Cottard, who had never + heard this pun, missed the point of it, and imagined that M. de + Forcheville had made a mistake. He dashed in boldly to correct it: "No, + no. The word isn't <i>serpent-à-sonates</i>, it's <i>serpent-à-sonnettes</i>!" + he explained in a tone at once zealous, impatient, and triumphant. + </p> + <p> + Forcheville explained the joke to him. The Doctor blushed. + </p> + <p> + "You'll admit it's not bad, eh, Doctor?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh! I've known it for ages." + </p> + <p> + Then they were silenced; heralded by the waving tremolo of the + violin-part, which formed a bristling bodyguard of sound two octaves above + it—and as in a mountainous country, against the seeming immobility + of a vertically falling torrent, one may distinguish, two hundred feet + below, the tiny form of a woman walking in the valley—the little + phrase had just appeared, distant but graceful, protected by the long, + gradual unfurling of its transparent, incessant and sonorous curtain. And + Swann, in his heart of hearts, turned to it, spoke to it as to a confidant + in the secret of his love, as to a friend of Odette who would assure him + that he need pay no attention to this Forcheville. + </p> + <p> + "Ah! you've come too late!" Mme. Verdurin greeted one of the 'faithful,' + whose invitation had been only 'to look in after dinner,' "we've been + having a simply incomparable Brichot! You never heard such eloquence! But + he's gone. Isn't that so, M. Swann? I believe it's the first time you've + met him," she went on, to emphasize the fact that it was to her that Swann + owed the introduction. "Isn't that so; wasn't he delicious, our Brichot?" + </p> + <p> + Swann bowed politely. + </p> + <p> + "No? You weren't interested?" she asked dryly. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, but I assure you, I was quite enthralled. He is perhaps a little too + peremptory, a little too jovial for my taste. I should like to see him a + little less confident at times, a little more tolerant, but one feels that + he knows a great deal, and on the whole he seems a very sound fellow." + </p> + <p> + The party broke up very late. Cottard's first words to his wife were: "I + have rarely seen Mme. Verdurin in such form as she was to-night." + </p> + <p> + "What exactly is your Mme. Verdurin? A bit of a bad hat, eh?" said + Forcheville to the painter, to whom he had offered a 'lift.' Odette + watched his departure with regret; she dared not refuse to let Swann take + her home, but she was moody and irritable in the carriage, and, when he + asked whether he might come in, replied, "I suppose so," with an impatient + shrug of her shoulders. When they had all gone, Mme. Verdurin said to her + husband: "Did you notice the way Swann laughed, such an idiotic laugh, + when we spoke about Mme. La Trémoïlle?" + </p> + <p> + She had remarked, more than once, how Swann and Forcheville suppressed the + particle 'de' before that lady's name. Never doubting that it was done on + purpose, to shew that they were not afraid of a title, she had made up her + mind to imitate their arrogance, but had not quite grasped what + grammatical form it ought to take. Moreover, the natural corruptness of + her speech overcoming her implacable republicanism, she still said + instinctively "the de La Trémoïlles," or, rather (by an abbreviation + sanctified by the usage of music-hall singers and the writers of the + 'captions' beneath caricatures, who elide the 'de'), "the d'La + Trémoïlles," but she corrected herself at once to "Madame La Trémoïlle.—The + <i>Duchess</i>, as Swann calls her," she added ironically, with a smile + which proved that she was merely quoting, and would not, herself, accept + the least responsibility for a classification so puerile and absurd. + </p> + <p> + "I don't mind saying that I thought him extremely stupid." + </p> + <p> + M. Verdurin took it up. "He's not sincere. He's a crafty customer, always + hovering between one side and the other. He's always trying to run with + the hare and hunt with the hounds. What a difference between him and + Forcheville. There, at least, you have a man who tells you straight out + what he thinks. Either you agree with him or you don't. Not like the other + fellow, who's never definitely fish or fowl. Did you notice, by the way, + that Odette seemed all out for Forcheville, and I don't blame her, either. + And then, after all, if Swann tries to come the man of fashion over us, + the champion of distressed Duchesses, at any rate the other man has got a + title; he's always Comte de Forcheville!" he let the words slip delicately + from his lips, as though, familiar with every page of the history of that + dignity, he were making a scrupulously exact estimate of its value, in + relation to others of the sort. + </p> + <p> + "I don't mind saying," Mme. Verdurin went on, "that he saw fit to utter + some most venomous, and quite absurd insinuations against Brichot. + Naturally, once he saw that Brichot was popular in this house, it was a + way of hitting back at us, of spoiling our party. I know his sort, the + dear, good friend of the family, who pulls you all to pieces on the stairs + as he's going away." + </p> + <p> + "Didn't I say so?" retorted her husband. "He's simply a failure; a poor + little wretch who goes through life mad with jealousy of anything that's + at all big." + </p> + <p> + Had the truth been known, there was not one of the 'faithful' who was not + infinitely more malicious than Swann; but the others would all take the + precaution of tempering their malice with obvious pleasantries, with + little sparks of emotion and cordiality; while the least indication of + reserve on Swann's part, undraped in any such conventional formula as "Of + course, I don't want to say anything—" to which he would have + scorned to descend, appeared to them a deliberate act of treachery. There + are certain original and distinguished authors in whom the least 'freedom + of speech' is thought revolting because they have not begun by flattering + the public taste, and serving up to it the commonplace expressions to + which it is used; it was by the same process that Swann infuriated M. + Verdurin. In his case as in theirs it was the novelty of his language + which led his audience to suspect the blackness of his designs. + </p> + <p> + Swann was still unconscious of the disgrace that threatened him at the + Verdurins', and continued to regard all their absurdities in the most rosy + light, through the admiring eyes of love. + </p> + <p> + As a rule he made no appointments with Odette except for the evenings; he + was afraid of her growing tired of him if he visited her during the day as + well; at the same time he was reluctant to forfeit, even for an hour, the + place that he held in her thoughts, and so was constantly looking out for + an opportunity of claiming her attention, in any way that would not be + displeasing to her. If, in a florist's or a jeweller's window, a plant or + an ornament caught his eye, he would at once think of sending them to + Odette, imagining that the pleasure which the casual sight of them had + given him would instinctively be felt, also, by her, and would increase + her affection for himself; and he would order them to be taken at once to + the Rue La pérouse, so as to accelerate the moment in which, as she + received an offering from him, he might feel himself, in a sense, + transported into her presence. He was particularly anxious, always, that + she should receive these presents before she went out for the evening, so + that her sense of gratitude towards him might give additional tenderness + to her welcome when he arrived at the Verdurins', might even—for all + he knew—if the shopkeeper made haste, bring him a letter from her + before dinner, or herself, in person, upon his doorstep, come on a little + extraordinary visit of thanks. As in an earlier phase, when he had + experimented with the reflex action of anger and contempt upon her + character, he sought now by that of gratification to elicit from her fresh + particles of her intimate feelings, which she had never yet revealed. + </p> + <p> + Often she was embarrassed by lack of money, and under pressure from a + creditor would come to him for assistance. He enjoyed this, as he enjoyed + everything which could impress Odette with his love for herself, or merely + with his influence, with the extent of the use that she might make of him. + Probably if anyone had said to him, at the beginning, "It's your position + that attracts her," or at this stage, "It's your money that she's really + in love with," he would not have believed the suggestion, nor would he + have been greatly distressed by the thought that people supposed her to be + attached to him, that people felt them to be united by any ties so + binding as those of snobbishness or wealth. But even if he had accepted + the possibility, it might not have caused him any suffering to discover + that Odette's love for him was based on a foundation more lasting than + mere affection, or any attractive qualities which she might have found in + him; on a sound, commercial interest; an interest which would postpone for + ever the fatal day on which she might be tempted to bring their relations + to an end. For the moment, while he lavished presents upon her, and + performed all manner of services, he could rely on advantages not + contained in his person, or in his intellect, could forego the endless, + killing effort to make himself attractive. And this delight in being a + lover, in living by love alone, of the reality of which he was inclined to + be doubtful, the price which, in the long run, he must pay for it, as a + dilettante in immaterial sensations, enhanced its value in his eyes—as + one sees people who are doubtful whether the sight of the sea and the + sound of its waves are really enjoyable, become convinced that they are, + as also of the rare quality and absolute detachment of their own taste, + when they have agreed to pay several pounds a day for a room in an hotel, + from which that sight and that sound may be enjoyed. + </p> + <p> + One day, when reflections of this order had brought him once again to the + memory of the time when some one had spoken to him of Odette as of a + 'kept' woman, and when, once again, he had amused himself with contrasting + that strange personification, the 'kept' woman—an iridescent mixture + of unknown and demoniacal qualities, embroidered, as in some fantasy of + Gustave Moreau, with poison-dripping flowers, interwoven with precious + jewels—with that Odette upon whose face he had watched the passage + of the same expressions of pity for a sufferer, resentment of an act of + injustice, gratitude for an act of kindness, which he had seen, in earlier + days, on his own mother's face, and on the faces of friends; that Odette, + whose conversation had so frequently turned on the things that he himself + knew better than anyone, his collections, his room, his old servant, his + banker, who kept all his title-deeds and bonds;—the thought of the + banker reminded him that he must call on him shortly, to draw some money. + And indeed, if, during the current month, he were to come less liberally + to the aid of Odette in her financial difficulties than in the month + before, when he had given her five thousand francs, if he refrained from + offering her a diamond necklace for which she longed, he would be allowing + her admiration for his generosity to decline, that gratitude which had + made him so happy, and would even be running the risk of her imagining + that his love for her (as she saw its visible manifestations grow fewer) + had itself diminished. And then, suddenly, he asked himself whether that + was not precisely what was implied by 'keeping' a woman (as if, in fact, + that idea of 'keeping' could be derived from elements not at all + mysterious nor perverse, but belonging to the intimate routine of his + daily life, such as that thousand-franc note, a familiar and domestic + object, torn in places and mended with gummed paper, which his valet, + after paying the household accounts and the rent, had locked up in a + drawer in the old writing-desk whence he had extracted it to send it, with + four others, to Odette) and whether it was not possible to apply to + Odette, since he had known her (for he never imagined for a moment that + she could ever have taken a penny from anyone else, before), that title, + which he had believed so wholly inapplicable to her, of 'kept' woman. He + could not explore the idea further, for a sudden access of that mental + lethargy which was, with him, congenital, intermittent and providential, + happened, at that moment, to extinguish every particle of light in his + brain, as instantaneously as, at a later period, when electric lighting + had been everywhere installed, it became possible, merely by fingering a + switch, to cut off all the supply of light from a house. His mind fumbled, + for a moment, in the darkness, he took off his spectacles, wiped the + glasses, passed his hands over his eyes, but saw no light until he found + himself face to face with a wholly different idea, the realisation that he + must endeavour, in the coming month, to send Odette six or seven + thousand-franc notes instead of five, simply as a surprise for her and to + give her pleasure. + </p> + <p> + In the evening, when he did not stay at home until it was time to meet + Odette at the Verdurins', or rather at one of the open-air restaurants + which they liked to frequent in the Bois and especially at Saint-Cloud, he + would go to dine in one of those fashionable houses in which, at one time, + he had been a constant guest. He did not wish to lose touch with people + who, for all that he knew, might be of use, some day, to Odette, and + thanks to whom he was often, in the meantime, able to procure for her some + privilege or pleasure. Besides, he had been used for so long to the + refinement and comfort of good society that, side by side with his + contempt, there had grown up also a desperate need for it, with the result + that, when he had reached the point after which the humblest lodgings + appeared to him as precisely on a par with the most princely mansions, his + senses were so thoroughly accustomed to the latter that he could not enter + the former without a feeling of acute discomfort. He had the same regard—to + a degree of identity which they would never have suspected—for the + little families with small incomes who asked him to dances in their flats + ("straight upstairs to the fifth floor, and the door on the left") as for + the Princesse de Parme, who gave the most splendid parties in Paris; but + he had not the feeling of being actually 'at the ball' when he found + himself herded with the fathers of families in the bedroom of the lady of + the house, while the spectacle of wash-hand-stands covered over with + towels, and of beds converted into cloak-rooms, with a mass of hats and + great-coats sprawling over their counterpanes, gave him the same stifling + sensation that, nowadays, people who have been used for half a lifetime to + electric light derive from a smoking lamp or a candle that needs to be + snuffed. If he were dining out, he would order his carriage for half-past + seven; while he changed his clothes, he would be wondering, all the time, + about Odette, and in this way was never alone, for the constant thought of + Odette gave to the moments in which he was separated from her the same + peculiar charm as to those in which she was at his side. He would get into + his carriage and drive off, but he knew that this thought had jumped in + after him and had settled down upon his knee, like a pet animal which he + might take everywhere, and would keep with him at the dinner-table, + unobserved by his fellow-guests. He would stroke and fondle it, warm + himself with it, and, as a feeling of languor swept over him, would give + way to a slight shuddering movement which contracted his throat and + nostrils—a new experience, this,—as he fastened the bunch of + columbines in his buttonhole. He had for some time been feeling neither + well nor happy, especially since Odette had brought Forcheville to the + Verdurins', and he would have liked to go away for a while to rest in the + country. But he could never summon up courage to leave Paris, even for a + day, while Odette was there. The weather was warm; it was the finest part + of the spring. And for all that he was driving through a city of stone to + immure himself in a house without grass or garden, what was incessantly + before his eyes was a park which he owned, near Combray, where, at four in + the afternoon, before coming to the asparagus-bed, thanks to the breeze + that was wafted across the fields from Méséglise, he could enjoy the + fragrant coolness of the air as well beneath an arbour of hornbeams in the + garden as by the bank of the pond, fringed with forget-me-not and iris; + and where, when he sat down to dinner, trained and twined by the + gardener's skilful hand, there ran all about his table currant-bush and + rose. + </p> + <p> + After dinner, if he had an early appointment in the Bois or at + Saint-Cloud, he would rise from table and leave the house so abruptly—especially + if it threatened to rain, and so to scatter the 'faithful' before their + normal time—that on one occasion the Princesse des Laumes (at whose + house dinner had been so late that Swann had left before the coffee came + in, to join the Verdurins on the Island in the Bois) observed: + </p> + <p> + "Really, if Swann were thirty years older, and had diabetes, there might + be some excuse for his running away like that. He seems to look upon us + all as a joke." + </p> + <p> + He persuaded himself that the spring-time charm, which he could not go + down to Combray to enjoy, he would find at least on the Ile des Cygnes or + at Saint-Cloud. But as he could think only of Odette, he would return home + not knowing even if he had tasted the fragrance of the young leaves, or if + the moon had been shining. He would be welcomed by the little phrase from + the sonata, played in the garden on the restaurant piano. If there was + none in the garden, the Verdurins would have taken immense pains to have a + piano brought out either from a private room or from the restaurant + itself; not because Swann was now restored to favour; far from it. But the + idea of arranging an ingenious form of entertainment for some one, even + for some one whom they disliked, would stimulate them, during the time + spent in its preparation, to a momentary sense of cordiality and + affection. Now and then he would remind himself that another fine spring + evening was drawing to a close, and would force himself to notice the + trees and the sky. But the state of excitement into which Odette's + presence never failed to throw him, added to a feverish ailment which, for + some time now, had scarcely left him, robbed him of that sense of quiet + and comfort which is an indispensable background to the impressions that + we derive from nature. + </p> + <p> + One evening, when Swann had consented to dine with the Verdurins, and had + mentioned during dinner that he had to attend, next day, the annual + banquet of an old comrades' association, Odette had at once exclaimed + across the table, in front of everyone, in front of Forcheville, who was + now one of the 'faithful,' in front of the painter, in front of Cottard: + </p> + <p> + "Yes, I know, you have your banquet to-morrow; I sha'n't see you, then, + till I get home; don't be too late." + </p> + <p> + And although Swann had never yet taken offence, at all seriously, at + Odette's demonstrations of friendship for one or other of the 'faithful,' + he felt an exquisite pleasure on hearing her thus avow, before them all, + with that calm immodesty, the fact that they saw each other regularly + every evening, his privileged position in her house, and her own + preference for him which it implied. It was true that Swann had often + reflected that Odette was in no way a remarkable woman; and in the + supremacy which he wielded over a creature so distinctly inferior to + himself there was nothing that especially flattered him when he heard it + proclaimed to all the 'faithful'; but since he had observed that, to + several other men than himself, Odette seemed a fascinating and desirable + woman, the attraction which her body held for him had aroused a painful + longing to secure the absolute mastery of even the tiniest particles of + her heart. And he had begun to attach an incalculable value to those + moments passed in her house in the evenings, when he held her upon his + knee, made her tell him what she thought about this or that, and counted + over that treasure to which, alone of all his earthly possessions, he + still clung. And so, after this dinner, drawing her aside, he took care to + thank her effusively, seeking to indicate to her by the extent of his + gratitude the corresponding intensity of the pleasures which it was in her + power to bestow on him, the supreme pleasure being to guarantee him + immunity, for as long as his love should last and he remain vulnerable, + from the assaults of jealousy. + </p> + <p> + When he came away from his banquet, the next evening, it was pouring rain, + and he had nothing but his victoria. A friend offered to take him home in + a closed carriage, and as Odette, by the fact of her having invited him to + come, had given him an assurance that she was expecting no one else, he + could, with a quiet mind and an untroubled heart, rather than set off thus + in the rain, have gone home and to bed. But perhaps, if she saw that he + seemed not to adhere to his resolution to end every evening, without + exception, in her company, she might grow careless, and fail to keep free + for him just the one evening on which he particularly desired it. + </p> + <p> + It was after eleven when he reached her door, and as he made his apology + for having been unable to come away earlier, she complained that it was + indeed very late; the storm had made her unwell, her head ached, and she + warned him that she would not let him stay longer than half an hour, that + at midnight she would send him away; a little while later she felt tired + and wished to sleep. + </p> + <p> + "No cattleya, then, to-night?" he asked, "and I've been looking forward so + to a nice little cattleya." + </p> + <p> + But she was irresponsive; saying nervously: "No, dear, no cattleya + tonight. Can't you see, I'm not well?" + </p> + <p> + "It might have done you good, but I won't bother you." + </p> + <p> + She begged him to put out the light before he went; he drew the curtains + close round her bed and left her. But, when he was in his own house again, + the idea suddenly struck him that, perhaps, Odette was expecting some one + else that evening, that she had merely pretended to be tired, that she had + asked him to put the light out only so that he should suppose that she was + going to sleep, that the moment he had left the house she had lighted it + again, and had reopened her door to the stranger who was to be her guest + for the night. He looked at his watch. It was about an hour and a half + since he had left her; he went out, took a cab, and stopped it close to + her house, in a little street running at right angles to that other + street, which lay at the back of her house, and along which he used to go, + sometimes, to tap upon her bedroom window, for her to let him in. He left + his cab; the streets were all deserted and dark; he walked a few yards and + came out almost opposite her house. Amid the glimmering blackness of all + the row of windows, the lights in which had long since been put out, he + saw one, and only one, from which overflowed, between the slats of its + shutters, dosed like a wine-press over its mysterious golden juice, the + light that filled the room within, a light which on so many evenings, as + soon as he saw it, far off, as he turned into the street, had rejoiced his + heart with its message: "She is there—expecting you," and now + tortured him with: "She is there with the man she was expecting." He must + know who; he tiptoed along by the wall until he reached the window, but + between the slanting bars of the shutters he could see nothing; he could + hear, only, in the silence of the night, the murmur of conversation. What + agony he suffered as he watched that light, in whose golden atmosphere + were moving, behind the closed sash, the unseen and detested pair, as he + listened to that murmur which revealed the presence of the man who had + crept in after his own departure, the perfidy of Odette, and the pleasures + which she was at that moment tasting with the stranger. + </p> + <p> + And yet he was not sorry that he had come; the torment which had forced + him to leave his own house had lost its sharpness when it lost its + uncertainty, now that Odette's other life, of which he had had, at that + first moment, a sudden helpless suspicion, was definitely there, almost + within his grasp, before his eyes, in the full glare of the lamp-light, + caught and kept there, an unwitting prisoner, in that room into which, + when he would, he might force his way to surprise and seize it; or rather + he would tap upon the shutters, as he had often done when he had come + there very late, and by that signal Odette would at least learn that he + knew, that he had seen the light and had heard the voices; while he + himself, who a moment ago had been picturing her as laughing at him, as + sharing with that other the knowledge of how effectively he had been + tricked, now it was he that saw them, confident and persistent in their + error, tricked and trapped by none other than himself, whom they believed + to be a mile away, but who was there, in person, there with a plan, there + with the knowledge that he was going, in another minute, to tap upon the + shutter. And, perhaps, what he felt (almost an agreeable feeling) at that + moment was something more than relief at the solution of a doubt, at the + soothing of a pain; was an intellectual pleasure. If, since he had fallen + in love, things had recovered a little of the delicate attraction that + they had had for him long ago—though only when a light was shed upon + them by a thought, a memory of Odette—now it was another of the + faculties, prominent in the studious days of his youth, that Odette had + quickened with new life, the passion for truth, but for a truth which, + too, was interposed between himself and his mistress, receiving its light + from her alone, a private and personal truth the sole object of which (an + infinitely precious object, and one almost impersonal in its absolute + beauty) was Odette—Odette in her activities, her environment, her + projects, and her past. At every other period in his life, the little + everyday words and actions of another person had always seemed wholly + valueless to Swann; if gossip about such things were repeated to him, he + would dismiss it as insignificant, and while he listened it was only the + lowest, the most commonplace part of his mind that was interested; at such + moments he felt utterly dull and uninspired. But in this strange phase of + love the personality of another person becomes so enlarged, so deepened, + that the curiosity which he could now feel aroused in himself, to know the + least details of a woman's daily occupation, was the same thirst for + knowledge with which he had once studied history. And all manner of + actions, from which, until now, he would have recoiled in shame, such as + spying, to-night, outside a window, to-morrow, for all he knew, putting + adroitly provocative questions to casual witnesses, bribing servants, + listening at doors, seemed to him, now, to be precisely on a level with + the deciphering of manuscripts, the weighing of evidence, the + interpretation of old monuments, that was to say, so many different + methods of scientific investigation, each one having a definite + intellectual value and being legitimately employable in the search for + truth. + </p> + <p> + As his hand stole out towards the shutters he felt a pang of shame at the + thought that Odette would now know that he had suspected her, that he had + returned, that he had posted himself outside her window. She had often + told him what a horror she had of jealous men, of lovers who spied. What + he was going to do would be extremely awkward, and she would detest him + for ever after, whereas now, for the moment, for so long as he refrained + from knocking, perhaps even in the act of infidelity, she loved him still. + How often is not the prospect of future happiness thus sacrificed to one's + impatient insistence upon an immediate gratification. But his desire to + know the truth was stronger, and seemed to him nobler than his desire for + her. He knew that the true story of certain events, which he would have + given his life to be able to reconstruct accurately and in full, was to be + read within that window, streaked with bars of light, as within the + illuminated, golden boards of one of those precious manuscripts, by whose + wealth of artistic treasures the scholar who consults them cannot remain + unmoved. He yearned for the satisfaction of knowing the truth which so + impassioned him in that brief, fleeting, precious transcript, on that + translucent page, so warm, so beautiful. And besides, the advantage which + he felt—which he so desperately wanted to feel—that he had + over them, lay perhaps not so much in knowing as in being able to shew + them that he knew. He drew himself up on tiptoe. He knocked. They had not + heard; he knocked again; louder; their conversation ceased. A man's voice—he + strained his ears to distinguish whose, among such of Odette's friends as + he knew, the voice could be—asked: + </p> + <p> + "Who's that?" + </p> + <p> + He could not be certain of the voice. He knocked once again. The window + first, then the shutters were thrown open. It was too late, now, to + retire, and since she must know all, so as not to seem too contemptible, + too jealous and inquisitive, he called out in a careless, hearty, + welcoming tone: + </p> + <p> + "Please don't bother; I just happened to be passing, and saw the light. I + wanted to know if you were feeling better." + </p> + <p> + He looked up. Two old gentlemen stood facing him, in the window, one of + them with a lamp in his hand; and beyond them he could see into the room, + a room that he had never seen before. Having fallen into the habit, when + he came late to Odette, of identifying her window by the fact that it was + the only one still lighted in a row of windows otherwise all alike, he had + been misled, this time, by the light, and had knocked at the window beyond + hers, in the adjoining house. He made what apology he could and hurried + home, overjoyed that the satisfaction of his curiosity had preserved their + love intact, and that, having feigned for so long, when in Odette's + company, a sort of indifference, he had not now, by a demonstration of + jealousy, given her that proof of the excess of his own passion which, in + a pair of lovers, fully and finally dispenses the recipient from the + obligation to love the other enough. He never spoke to her of this + misadventure, he ceased even to think of it himself. But now and then his + thoughts in their wandering course would come upon this memory where it + lay unobserved, would startle it into life, thrust it more deeply down + into his consciousness, and leave him aching with a sharp, far-rooted + pain. As though this had been a bodily pain, Swann's mind was powerless to + alleviate it; in the case of bodily pain, however, since it is independent + of the mind, the mind can dwell upon it, can note that it has diminished, + that it has momentarily ceased. But with this mental pain, the mind, + merely by recalling it, created it afresh. To determine not to think of it + was but to think of it still, to suffer from it still. And when, in + conversation with his friends, he forgot his sufferings, suddenly a word + casually uttered would make him change countenance as a wounded man does + when a clumsy hand has touched his aching limb. When he came away from + Odette, he was happy, he felt calm, he recalled the smile with which, in + gentle mockery, she had spoken to him of this man or of that, a smile + which was all tenderness for himself; he recalled the gravity of her head + which she seemed to have lifted from its axis to let it droop and fall, as + though against her will, upon his lips, as she had done on that first + evening in the carriage; her languishing gaze at him while she lay + nestling in his arms, her bended head seeming to recede between her + shoulders, as though shrinking from the cold. + </p> + <p> + But then, at once, his jealousy, as it had been the shadow of his love, + presented him with the complement, with the converse of that new smile + with which she had greeted him that very evening,—with which, now, + perversely, she was mocking Swann while she tendered her love to another—of + that lowering of her head, but lowered now to fall on other lips, and (but + bestowed upon a stranger) of all the marks of affection that she had shewn + to him. And all these voluptuous memories which he bore away from her + house were, as one might say, but so many sketches, rough plans, like the + schemes of decoration which a designer submits to one in outline, enabling + Swann to form an idea of the various attitudes, aflame or faint with + passion, which she was capable of adopting for others. With the result + that he came to regret every pleasure that he tasted in her company, every + new caress that he invented (and had been so imprudent as to point out to + her how delightful it was), every fresh charm that he found in her, for he + knew that, a moment later, they would go to enrich the collection of + instruments in his secret torture-chamber. + </p> + <p> + A fresh turn was given to the screw when Swann recalled a sudden + expression which he had intercepted, a few days earlier, and for the first + time, in Odette's eyes. It was after dinner at the Verdurins'. Whether it + was because Forcheville, aware that Saniette, his brother-in-law, was not + in favour with them, had decided to make a butt of him, and to shine at + his expense, or because he had been annoyed by some awkward remark which + Saniette had made to him, although it had passed unnoticed by the rest of + the party who knew nothing of whatever tactless allusion it might conceal, + or possibly because he had been for some time looking out for an + opportunity of securing the expulsion from the house of a fellow-guest who + knew rather too much about him, and whom he knew to be so nice-minded that + he himself could not help feeling embarrassed at times merely by his + presence in the room, Forcheville replied to Saniette's tactless utterance + with such a volley of abuse, going out of his way to insult him, + emboldened, the louder he shouted, by the fear, the pain, the entreaties + of his victim, that the poor creature, after asking Mme. Verdurin whether + he should stay and receiving no answer, had left the house in stammering + confusion and with tears in his eyes. Odette had looked on, impassive, at + this scene; but when the door had closed behind Saniette, she had forced + the normal expression of her face down, as the saying is, by several pegs, + so as to bring herself on to the same level of vulgarity as Forcheville; + her eyes had sparkled with a malicious smile of congratulation upon his + audacity, of ironical pity for the poor wretch who had been its victim; + she had darted at him a look of complicity in the crime, which so clearly + implied: "That's finished him off, or I'm very much mistaken. Did you see + what a fool he looked? He was actually crying," that Forcheville, when his + eyes met hers, sobered in a moment from the anger, or pretended anger with + which he was still flushed, smiled as he explained: "He need only have + made himself pleasant and he'd have been here still; a good scolding does + a man no harm, at any time." + </p> + <p> + One day when Swann had gone out early in the afternoon to pay a call, and + had failed to find the person at home whom he wished to see, it occurred + to him to go, instead, to Odette, at an hour when, although he never went + to her house then as a rule, he knew that she was always at home, resting + or writing letters until tea-time, and would enjoy seeing her for a + moment, if it did not disturb her. The porter told him that he believed + Odette to be in; Swann rang the bell, thought that he heard a sound, that + he heard footsteps, but no one came to the door. Anxious and annoyed, he + went round to the other little street, at the back of her house, and stood + beneath her bedroom window; the curtains were drawn and he could see + nothing; he knocked loudly upon the pane, he shouted; still no one came. + He could see that the neighbours were staring at him. He turned away, + thinking that, after all, he had perhaps been mistaken in believing that + he heard footsteps; but he remained so preoccupied with the suspicion that + he could turn his mind to nothing else. After waiting for an hour, he + returned. He found her at home; she told him that she had been in the + house when he rang, but had been asleep; the bell had awakened her; she + had guessed that it must be Swann, and had run out to meet him, but he had + already gone. She had, of course, heard him knocking at the window. Swann + could at once detect in this story one of those fragments of literal truth + which liars, when taken by surprise, console themselves by introducing + into the composition of the falsehood which they have to invent, thinking + that it can be safely incorporated, and will lend the whole story an air + of verisimilitude. It was true that, when Odette had just done something + which she did not wish to disclose, she would take pains to conceal it in + a secret place in her heart. But as soon as she found herself face to face + with the man to whom she was obliged to lie, she became uneasy, all her + ideas melted like wax before a flame, her inventive and her reasoning + faculties were paralysed, she might ransack her brain but would find only + a void; still, she must say something, and there lay within her reach + precisely the fact which she had wished to conceal, which, being the + truth, was the one thing that had remained. She broke off from it a tiny + fragment, of no importance in itself, assuring herself that, after all, it + was the best thing to do, since it was a detail of the truth, and less + dangerous, therefore, than a falsehood. "At any rate, this is true," she + said to herself; "that's always something to the good; he may make + inquiries; he will see that this is true; it won't be this, anyhow, that + will give me away." But she was wrong; it was what gave her away; she had + not taken into account that this fragmentary detail of the truth had sharp + edges which could not be made to fit in, except to those contiguous + fragments of the truth from which she had arbitrarily detached it, edges + which, whatever the fictitious details in which she might embed it, would + continue to shew, by their overlapping angles and by the gaps which she + had forgotten to fill, that its proper place was elsewhere. + </p> + <p> + "She admits that she heard me ring, and then knock, that she knew it was + myself, that she wanted to see me," Swann thought to himself. "But that + doesn't correspond with the fact that she did not let me in." + </p> + <p> + He did not, however, draw her attention to this inconsistency, for he + thought that, if left to herself, Odette might perhaps produce some + falsehood which would give him a faint indication of the truth; she spoke; + he did not interrupt her, he gathered up, with an eager and sorrowful + piety, the words that fell from her lips, feeling (and rightly feeling, + since she was hiding the truth behind them as she spoke) that, like the + veil of a sanctuary, they kept a vague imprint, traced a faint outline of + that infinitely precious and, alas, undiscoverable truth;—what she + had been doing, that afternoon, at three o'clock, when he had called,—a + truth of which he would never possess any more than these falsifications, + illegible and divine traces, a truth which would exist henceforward only + in the secretive memory of this creature, who would contemplate it in + utter ignorance of its value, but would never yield it up to him. It was + true that he had, now and then, a strong suspicion that Odette's daily + activities were not in themselves passionately interesting, and that such + relations as she might have with other men did not exhale, naturally, in a + universal sense, or for every rational being, a spirit of morbid gloom + capable of infecting with fever or of inciting to suicide. He realised, at + such moments, that that interest, that gloom, existed in him only as a + malady might exist, and that, once he was cured of the malady, the actions + of Odette, the kisses that she might have bestowed, would become once + again as innocuous as those of countless other women. But the + consciousness that the painful curiosity with which Swann now studied them + had its origin only in himself was not enough to make him decide that it + was unreasonable to regard that curiosity as important, and to take every + possible step to satisfy it. Swann had, in fact, reached an age the + philosophy of which—supported, in his case, by the current + philosophy of the day, as well as by that of the circle in which he had + spent most of his life, the group that surrounded the Princesse des + Laumes, in which one's intelligence was understood to increase with the + strength of one's disbelief in everything, and nothing real and + incontestable was to be discovered, except the individual tastes of each + of its members—is no longer that of youth, but a positive, almost a + medical philosophy, the philosophy of men who, instead of fixing their + aspirations upon external objects, endeavour to separate from the + accumulation of the years already spent a definite residue of habits and + passions which they can regard as characteristic and permanent, and with + which they will deliberately arrange, before anything else, that the kind + of existence which they choose to adopt shall not prove inharmonious. + Swann deemed it wise to make allowance in his life for the suffering which + he derived from not knowing what Odette had done, just as he made + allowance for the impetus which a damp climate always gave to his eczema; + to anticipate in his budget the expenditure of a considerable sum on + procuring, with regard to the daily occupations of Odette, information the + lack of which would make him unhappy, just as he reserved a margin for the + gratification of other tastes from which he knew that pleasure was to be + expected (at least, before he had fallen in love) such as his taste for + collecting things, or for good cooking. + </p> + <p> + When he proposed to take leave of Odette, and to return home, she begged + him to stay a little longer, and even detained him forcibly, seizing him + by the arm as he was opening the door to go. But he gave no thought to + that, for, among the crowd of gestures and speeches and other little + incidents which go to make up a conversation, it is inevitable that we + should pass (without noticing anything that arouses our interest) by those + that hide a truth for which our suspicions are blindly searching, whereas + we stop to examine others beneath which nothing lies concealed. She kept + on saying: "What a dreadful pity; you never by any chance come in the + afternoon, and the one time you do come then I miss you." He knew very + well that she was not sufficiently in love with him to be so keenly + distressed merely at having missed his visit, but as she was a + good-natured woman, anxious to give him pleasure, and often sorry when she + had done anything that annoyed him, he found it quite natural that she + should be sorry, on this occasion, that she had deprived him of that + pleasure of spending an hour in her company, which was so very great a + pleasure, if not to herself, at any rate to him. All the same, it was a + matter of so little importance that her air of unrelieved sorrow began at + length to bewilder him. She reminded him, even more than was usual, of the + faces of some of the women created by the painter of the Primavera.' She + had, at that moment, their downcast, heartbroken expression, which seems + ready to succumb beneath the burden of a grief too heavy to be borne, when + they are merely allowing the Infant Jesus to play with a pomegranate, or + watching Moses pour water into a trough. He had seen the same sorrow once + before on her face, but when, he could no longer say. Then, suddenly, he + remembered it; it was when Odette had lied, in apologising to Mme. + Verdurin on the evening after the dinner from which she had stayed away on + a pretext of illness, but really so that she might be alone with Swann. + Surely, even had she been the most scrupulous of women, she could hardly + have felt remorse for so innocent a lie. But the lies which Odette + ordinarily told were less innocent, and served to prevent discoveries + which might have involved her in the most terrible difficulties with one + or another of her friends. And so, when she lied, smitten with fear, + feeling herself to be but feebly armed for her defence, unconfident of + success, she was inclined to weep from sheer exhaustion, as children weep + sometimes when they have not slept. She knew, also, that her lie, as a + rule, was doing a serious injury to the man to whom she was telling it, + and that she might find herself at his mercy if she told it badly. + Therefore she felt at once humble and culpable in his presence. And when + she had to tell an insignificant, social lie its hazardous associations, + and the memories which it recalled, would leave her weak with a sense of + exhaustion and penitent with a consciousness of wrongdoing. + </p> + <p> + What depressing lie was she now concocting for Swann's benefit, to give + her that pained expression, that plaintive voice, which seemed to falter + beneath the effort that she was forcing herself to make, and to plead for + pardon? He had an idea that it was not merely the truth about what had + occurred that afternoon that she was endeavouring to hide from him, but + something more immediate, something, possibly, which had not yet happened, + but might happen now at any time, and, when it did, would throw a light + upon that earlier event. At that moment, he heard the front-door bell + ring. Odette never stopped speaking, but her words dwindled into an + inarticulate moan. Her regret at not having seen Swann that afternoon, at + not having opened the door to him, had melted into a universal despair. + </p> + <p> + He could hear the gate being closed, and the sound of a carriage, as + though some one were going away—probably the person whom Swann must + on no account meet—after being told that Odette was not at home. And + then, when he reflected that, merely by coming at an hour when he was not + in the habit of coming, he had managed to disturb so many arrangements of + which she did not wish him to know, he had a feeling of discouragement + that amounted, almost, to distress. But since he was in love with Odette, + since he was in the habit of turning all his thoughts towards her, the + pity with which he might have been inspired for himself he felt for her + only, and murmured: "Poor darling!" When finally he left her, she took up + several letters which were lying on the table, and asked him if he would + be so good as to post them for her. He walked along to the post-office, + took the letters from his pocket, and, before dropping each of them into + the box, scanned its address. They were all to tradesmen, except the last, + which was to Forcheville. He kept it in his hand. "If I saw what was in + this," he argued, "I should know what she calls him, what she says to him, + whether there really is anything between them. Perhaps, if I don't look + inside, I shall be lacking in delicacy towards Odette, since in this way + alone I can rid myself of a suspicion which is, perhaps, a calumny on her, + which must, in any case, cause her suffering, and which can never possibly + be set at rest, once the letter is posted." + </p> + <p> + He left the post-office and went home, but he had kept the last letter in + his pocket. He lighted a candle, and held up close to its flame the + envelope which he had not dared to open. At first he could distinguish + nothing, but the envelope was thin, and by pressing it down on to the + stiff card which it enclosed he was able, through the transparent paper, + to read the concluding words. They were a coldly formal signature. If, + instead of its being himself who was looking at a letter addressed to + Forcheville, it had been Forcheville who had read a letter addressed to + Swann, he might have found words in it of another, a far more tender kind! + He took a firm hold of the card, which was sliding to and fro, the + envelope being too large for it and then, by moving it with his finger and + thumb, brought one line after another beneath the part of the envelope + where the paper was not doubled, through which alone it was possible to + read. + </p> + <p> + In spite of all these manoeuvres he could not make it out clearly. Not + that it mattered, for he had seen enough to assure himself that the letter + was about some trifling incident of no importance, and had nothing at all + to do with love; it was something to do with Odette's uncle. Swann had + read quite plainly at the beginning of the line "I was right," but did not + understand what Odette had been right in doing, until suddenly a word + which he had not been able, at first, to decipher, came to light and made + the whole sentence intelligible: "I was right to open the door; it was my + uncle." To open the door! Then Forcheville had been there when Swann rang + the bell, and she had sent him away; hence the sound that Swann had heard. + </p> + <p> + After that he read the whole letter; at the end she apologised for having + treated Forcheville with so little ceremony, and reminded him that he had + left his cigarette-case at her house, precisely what she had written to + Swann after one of his first visits. But to Swann she had added: "Why did + you not forget your heart also? I should never have let you have that + back." To Forcheville nothing of that sort; no allusion that could suggest + any intrigue between them. And, really, he was obliged to admit that in + all this business Forcheville had been worse treated than himself, since + Odette was writing to him to make him believe that her visitor had been an + uncle. From which it followed that he, Swann, was the man to whom she + attached importance, and for whose sake she had sent the other away. And + yet, if there had been nothing between Odette and Forcheville, why not + have opened the door at once, why have said, "I was right to open the + door; it was my uncle." Right? if she was doing nothing wrong at that + moment how could Forcheville possibly have accounted for her not opening + the door? For a time Swann stood still there, heartbroken, bewildered, and + yet happy; gazing at this envelope which Odette had handed to him without + a scruple, so absolute was her trust in his honour; through its + transparent window there had been disclosed to him, with the secret + history of an incident which he had despaired of ever being able to learn, + a fragment of the life of Odette, seen as through a narrow, luminous + incision, cut into its surface without her knowledge. Then his jealousy + rejoiced at the discovery, as though that jealousy had had an independent + existence, fiercely egotistical, gluttonous of every thing that would feed + its vitality, even at the expense of Swann himself. Now it had food in + store, and Swann could begin to grow uneasy afresh every evening, over the + visits that Odette had received about five o'clock, and could seek to + discover where Forcheville had been at that hour. For Swann's affection + for Odette still preserved the form which had been imposed on it, from the + beginning, by his ignorance of the occupations in which she passed her + days, as well as by the mental lethargy which prevented him from + supplementing that ignorance by imagination. He was not jealous, at first, + of the whole of Odette's life, but of those moments only in which an + incident, which he had perhaps misinterpreted, had led him to suppose that + Odette might have played him false. His jealousy, like an octopus which + throws out a first, then a second, and finally a third tentacle, fastened + itself irremovably first to that moment, five o'clock in the afternoon, + then to another, then to another again. But Swann was incapable of + inventing his sufferings. They were only the memory, the perpetuation of a + suffering that had come to him from without. + </p> + <p> + From without, however, everything brought him fresh suffering. He decided + to separate Odette from Forcheville, by taking her away for a few days to + the south. But he imagined that she was coveted by every male person in + the hotel, and that she coveted them in return. And so he, who, in old + days, when he travelled, used always to seek out new people and crowded + places, might now be seen fleeing savagely from human society as if it had + cruelly injured him. And how could he not have turned misanthrope, when in + every man he saw a potential lover for Odette? Thus his jealousy did even + more than the happy, passionate desire which he had originally felt for + Odette had done to alter Swann's character, completely changing, in the + eyes of the world, even the outward signs by which that character had been + intelligible. + </p> + <p> + A month after the evening on which he had intercepted and read Odette's + letter to Forcheville, Swann went to a dinner which the Verdurins were + giving in the Bois. As the party was breaking up he noticed a series of + whispered discussions between Mme. Verdurin and several of her guests, and + thought that he heard the pianist being reminded to come next day to a + party at Chatou; now he, Swann, had not been invited to any party. + </p> + <p> + The Verdurins had spoken only in whispers, and in vague terms, but the + painter, perhaps without thinking, shouted out: "There must be no lights + of any sort, and he must play the Moonlight Sonata in the dark, for us to + see by." + </p> + <p> + Mme. Verdurin, seeing that Swann was within earshot, assumed that + expression in which the two-fold desire to make the speaker be quiet and + to preserve, oneself, an appearance of guilelessness in the eyes of the + listener, is neutralised in an intense vacuity; in which the unflinching + signs of intelligent complicity are overlaid by the smiles of innocence, + an expression invariably adopted by anyone who has noticed a blunder, the + enormity of which is thereby at once revealed if not to those who have + made it, at any rate to him in whose hearing it ought not to have been + made. Odette seemed suddenly to be in despair, as though she had decided + not to struggle any longer against the crushing difficulties of life, and + Swann was anxiously counting the minutes that still separated him from the + point at which, after leaving the restaurant, while he drove her home, he + would be able to ask for an explanation, to make her promise, either that + she would not go to Chatou next day, or that she would procure an + invitation for him also, and to lull to rest in her arms the anguish that + still tormented him. At last the carriages were ordered. Mme. Verdurin + said to Swann: + </p> + <p> + "Good-bye, then. We shall see you soon, I hope," trying, by the + friendliness of her manner and the constraint of her smile, to prevent him + from noticing that she was not saying, as she would always have until + then: + </p> + <p> + "To-morrow, then, at Chatou, and at my house the day after." M. and Mme. + Verdurin made Forcheville get into their carriage; Swann's was drawn up + behind it, and he waited for theirs to start before helping Odette into + his own. + </p> + <p> + "Odette, we'll take you," said Mme. Verdurin, "we've kept a little corner + specially for you, beside M. de Forcheville." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Mme. Verdurin," said Odette meekly. + </p> + <p> + "What! I thought I was to take you home," cried Swann, flinging discretion + to the winds, for the carriage-door hung open, time was precious, and he + could not, in his present state, go home without her. + </p> + <p> + "But Mme. Verdurin has asked me..." + </p> + <p> + "That's all right, you can quite well go home alone; we've left you like + this dozens of times," said Mme. Verdurin. + </p> + <p> + "But I had something important to tell Mme. de Crécy." + </p> + <p> + "Very well, you can write it to her instead." + </p> + <p> + "Good-bye," said Odette, holding out her hand. + </p> + <p> + He tried hard to smile, but could only succeed in looking utterly + dejected. + </p> + <p> + "What do you think of the airs that Swann is pleased to put on with us?" + Mme. Verdurin asked her husband when they had reached home. "I was afraid + he was going to eat me, simply because we offered to take Odette back. It + really is too bad, that sort of thing. Why doesn't he say, straight out, + that we keep a disorderly house? I can't conceive how Odette can stand + such manners. He positively seems to be saying, all the time, 'You belong + to me!' I shall tell Odette exactly what I think about it all, and I hope + she will have the sense to understand me." A moment later she added, + inarticulate with rage: "No, but, don't you see, the filthy creature..." + using unconsciously, and perhaps in satisfaction of the same obscure need + to justify herself—like Françoise at Combray when the chicken + refused to die—the very words which the last convulsions of an + inoffensive animal in its death agony wring from the peasant who is + engaged in taking its life. And when Mme. Verdurin's carriage had moved + on, and Swann's took its place, his coachman, catching sight of his face, + asked whether he was unwell, or had heard bad news. + </p> + <p> + Swann sent him away; he preferred to walk, and it was on foot, through the + Bois, that he came home. He talked to himself, aloud, and in the same + slightly affected tone which he had been used to adopt when describing the + charms of the 'little nucleus' and extolling the magnanimity of the + Verdurins. But just as the conversation, the smiles, the kisses of Odette + became as odious to him as he had once found them charming, if they were + diverted to others than himself, so the Verdurins' drawing-room, which, + not an hour before, had still seemed to him amusing, inspired with a + genuine feeling for art and even with a sort of moral aristocracy, now + that it was another than himself whom Odette was going to meet there, to + love there without restraint, laid bare to him all its absurdities, its + stupidity, its shame. + </p> + <p> + He drew a fanciful picture, at which he shuddered in disgust, of the party + next evening at Chatou. "Imagine going to Chatou, of all places! Like a + lot of drapers after closing time! Upon my word, these people are sublime + in their smugness; they can't really exist; they must all have come out of + one of Labiche's plays!" + </p> + <p> + The Cottards would be there; possibly Brichot. "Could anything be more + grotesque than the lives of these little creatures, hanging on to one + another like that. They'd imagine they were utterly lost, upon my soul + they would, if they didn't all meet again to-morrow at <i>Chatou</i>!" + Alas! there would be the painter there also, the painter who enjoyed + match-making, who would invite Forcheville to come with Odette to his + studio. He could see Odette, in a dress far too smart for the country, + "for she is so vulgar in that way, and, poor little thing, she is such a + fool!" + </p> + <p> + He could hear the jokes that Mme. Verdurin would make after dinner, jokes + which, whoever the 'bore' might be at whom they were aimed, had always + amused him because he could watch Odette laughing at them, laughing with + him, her laughter almost a part of his. Now he felt that it was possibly + at him that they would make Odette laugh. "What a fetid form of humour!" + he exclaimed, twisting his mouth into an expression of disgust so violent + that he could feel the muscles of his throat stiffen against his collar. + "How, in God's name, can a creature made in His image find anything to + laugh at in those nauseating witticisms? The least sensitive nose must be + driven away in horror from such stale exhalations. It is really impossible + to believe that any human being is incapable of understanding that, in + allowing herself merely to smile at the expense of a fellow-creature who + has loyally held out his hand to her, she is casting herself into a mire + from which it will be impossible, with the best will in the world, ever to + rescue her. I dwell so many miles above the puddles in which these filthy + little vermin sprawl and crawl and bawl their cheap obscenities, that I + cannot possibly be spattered by the witticisms of a Verdurin!" he cried, + tossing up his head and arrogantly straightening his body. "God knows that + I have honestly attempted to pull Odette out of that sewer, and to teach + her to breathe a nobler and a purer air. But human patience has its + limits, and mine is at an end," he concluded, as though this sacred + mission to tear Odette away from an atmosphere of sarcasms dated from + longer than a few minutes ago, as though he had not undertaken it only + since it had occurred to him that those sarcasms might, perchance, be + directed at himself, and might have the effect of detaching Odette from + him. + </p> + <p> + He could see the pianist sitting down to play the Moonlight Sonata, and + the grimaces of Mme. Verdurin, in terrified anticipation of the wrecking + of her nerves by Beethoven's music. "Idiot, liar!" he shouted, "and a + creature like that imagines that she's fond of <i>Art</i>!" She would say + to Odette, after deftly insinuating a few words of praise for Forcheville, + as she had so often done for himself: "You can make room for M. de + Forcheville there, can't you, Odette?"... '"In the dark!' Codfish! + Pander!"... 'Pander' was the name he applied also to the music which would + invite them to sit in silence, to dream together, to gaze in each other's + eyes, to feel for each other's hands. He felt that there was much to be + said, after all, for a sternly censorous attitude towards the arts, such + as Plato adopted, and Bossuet, and the old school of education in France. + </p> + <p> + In a word, the life which they led at the Verdurins', which he had so + often described as 'genuine,' seemed to him now the worst possible form of + life, and their 'little nucleus' the most degraded class of society. "It + really is," he repeated, "beneath the lowest rung of the social ladder, + the nethermost circle of Dante. Beyond a doubt, the august words of the + Florentine refer to the Verdurins! When one comes to think of it, surely + people 'in society' (and, though one may find fault with them now and + then, still, after all they are a very different matter from that gang of + blackmailers) shew a profound sagacity in refusing to know them, or even + to dirty the tips of their fingers with them. What a sound intuition there + is in that '<i>Noli me tangere</i>' motto of the Faubourg Saint-Germain." + </p> + <p> + He had long since emerged from the paths and avenues of the Bois, he had + almost reached his own house, and still, for he had not yet thrown off the + intoxication of grief, or his whim of insincerity, but was ever more and + more exhilarated by the false intonation, the artificial sonority of his + own voice, he continued to perorate aloud in the silence of the night: + "People 'in society' have their failings, as no one knows better than I; + but, after all, they are people to whom some things, at least, are + impossible. So-and-so" (a fashionable woman whom he had known) "was far + from being perfect, but, after all, one did find in her a fundamental + delicacy, a loyalty in her conduct which made her, whatever happened, + incapable of a felony, which fixes a vast gulf between her and an old hag + like Verdurin. Verdurin! What a name! Oh, there's something complete about + them, something almost fine in their trueness to type; they're the most + perfect specimens of their disgusting class! Thank God, it was high time + that I stopped condescending to promiscuous intercourse with such infamy, + such dung." + </p> + <p> + But, just as the virtues which he had still attributed, an hour or so + earlier, to the Verdurins, would not have sufficed, even although the + Verdurins had actually possessed them, if they had not also favoured and + protected his love, to excite Swann to that state of intoxication in which + he waxed tender over their magnanimity, an intoxication which, even when + disseminated through the medium of other persons, could have come to him + from Odette alone;—so the immorality (had it really existed) which + he now found in the Verdurins would have been powerless, if they had not + invited Odette with Forcheville and without him, to unstop the vials of + his wrath and to make him scarify their 'infamy.' Doubtless Swann's voice + shewed a finer perspicacity than his own when it refused to utter those + words full of disgust at the Verdurins and their circle, and of joy at his + having shaken himself free of it, save in an artificial and rhetorical + tone, and as though his words had been chosen rather to appease his anger + than to express his thoughts. The latter, in fact, while he abandoned + himself to invective, were probably, though he did not know it, occupied + with a wholly different matter, for once he had reached his house, no + sooner had he closed the front-door behind him than he suddenly struck his + forehead, and, making his servant open the door again, dashed out into the + street shouting, in a voice which, this time, was quite natural; "I + believe I have found a way of getting invited to the dinner at Chatou + to-morrow!" But it must have been a bad way, for M. Swann was not invited; + Dr. Cottard, who, having been summoned to attend a serious case in the + country, had not seen the Verdurins for some days, and had been prevented + from appearing at Chatou, said, on the evening after this dinner, as he + sat down to table at their house: + </p> + <p> + "Why, aren't we going to see M. Swann this evening? He is quite what you + might call a personal friend..." "I sincerely trust that we sha'n't!" + cried Mme. Verdurin. "Heaven preserve us from him; he's too deadly for + words, a stupid, ill-bred boor." + </p> + <p> + On hearing these words Cottard exhibited an intense astonishment blended + with entire submission, as though in the face of a scientific truth which + contradicted everything that he had previously believed, but was supported + by an irresistible weight of evidence; with timorous emotion he bowed his + head over his plate, and merely replied: "Oh—oh—oh—oh—oh!" + traversing, in an orderly retirement of his forces, into the depths of his + being, along a descending scale, the whole compass of his voice. After + which there was no more talk of Swann at the Verdurins'. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + And so that drawing-room which had brought Swann and Odette together + became an obstacle in the way of their meeting. She no longer said to him, + as she had said in the early days of their love: "We shall meet, anyhow, + to-morrow evening; there's a supper-party at the Verdurins'," but "We + sha'n't be able to meet to-morrow evening; there's a supper-party at the + Verdurins'." Or else the Verdurins were taking her to the Opéra-Comique, + to see <i>Une Nuit de Cléopâtre</i>, and Swann could read in her eyes that + terror lest he should ask her not to go, which, but a little time before, + he could not have refrained from greeting with a kiss as it flitted across + the face of his mistress, but which now exasperated him. "Yet I'm not + really angry," he assured himself, "when I see how she longs to run away + and scratch from maggots in that dunghill of cacophony. I'm disappointed; + not for myself, but for her; disappointed to find that, after living for + more than six months in daily contact with myself, she has not been + capable of improving her mind even to the point of spontaneously + eradicating from it a taste for Victor Massé! More than that, to find that + she has not arrived at the stage of understanding that there are evenings + on which anyone with the least shade of refinement of feeling should be + willing to forego an amusement when she is asked to do so. She ought to + have the sense to say: 'I shall not go,' if it were only from policy, + since it is by what she answers now that the quality of her soul will be + determined once and for all." And having persuaded himself that it was + solely, after all, in order that he might arrive at a favourable estimate + of Odette's spiritual worth that he wished her to stay at home with him + that evening instead of going to the Opéra-Comique, he adopted the same + line of reasoning with her, with the same degree of insincerity as he had + used with himself, or even with a degree more, for in her case he was + yielding also to the desire to capture her by her own self-esteem. + </p> + <p> + "I swear to you," he told her, shortly before she was to leave for the + theatre, "that, in asking you not to go, I should hope, were I a selfish + man, for nothing so much as that you should refuse, for I have a thousand + other things to do this evening, and I shall feel that I have been tricked + and trapped myself, and shall be thoroughly annoyed, if, after all, you + tell me that you are not going. But my occupations, my pleasures are not + everything; I must think of you also. A day may come when, seeing me + irrevocably sundered from you, you will be entitled to reproach me with + not having warned you at the decisive hour in which I felt that I was + going to pass judgment on you, one of those stern judgments which love + cannot long resist. You see, your <i>Nuit de Cléopâtre</i> (what a title!) + has no bearing on the point. What I must know is whether you are indeed + one of those creatures in the lowest grade of mentality and even of charm, + one of those contemptible creatures who are incapable of foregoing a + pleasure. For if you are such, how could anyone love you, for you are not + even a person, a definite, imperfect, but at least perceptible entity. You + are a formless water that will trickle down any slope that it may come + upon, a fish devoid of memory, incapable of thought, which all its life + long in its aquarium will continue to dash itself, a hundred times a day, + against a wall of glass, always mistaking it for water. Do you realise + that your answer will have the effect—I do not say of making me + cease from that moment to love you, that goes without saying, but of + making you less attractive to my eyes when I realise that you are not a + person, that you are beneath everything in the world and have not the + intelligence to raise yourself one inch higher? Obviously, I should have + preferred to ask you, as though it had been a matter of little or no + importance, to give up your <i>Nuit de Cléopâtre</i> (since you compel me + to sully my lips with so abject a name), in the hope that you would go to + it none the less. But, since I had resolved to weigh you in the balance, + to make so grave an issue depend upon your answer, I considered it more + honourable to give you due warning." + </p> + <p> + Meanwhile, Odette had shewn signs of increasing emotion and uncertainty. + Although the meaning of his tirade was beyond her, she grasped that it was + to be included among the scenes of reproach or supplication, scenes which + her familiarity with the ways of men enabled her, without paying any heed + to the words that were uttered, to conclude that men would not make unless + they were in love; that, from the moment when they were in love, it was + superfluous to obey them, since they would only be more in love later on. + And so, she would have heard Swann out with the utmost tranquillity had + she not noticed that it was growing late, and that if he went on speaking + for any length of time she would "never" as she told him with a fond + smile, obstinate but slightly abashed, "get there in time for the + Overture." + </p> + <p> + On other occasions he had assured himself that the one thing which, more + than anything else, would make him cease to love her, would be her refusal + to abandon the habit of lying. "Even from the point of view of coquetry, + pure and simple," he had told her, "can't you see how much of your + attraction you throw away when you stoop to lying? By a frank admission—how + many faults you might redeem! Really, you are far less intelligent than I + supposed!" In vain, however, did Swann expound to her thus all the reasons + that she had for not lying; they might have succeeded in overthrowing any + universal system of mendacity, but Odette had no such system; she + contented herself, merely, whenever she wished Swann to remain in + ignorance of anything that she had done, with not telling him of it. So + that a lie was, to her, something to be used only as a special expedient; + and the one thing that could make her decide whether she should avail + herself of a lie or not was a reason which, too, was of a special and + contingent order, namely the risk of Swann's discovering that she had not + told him the truth. + </p> + <p> + Physically, she was passing through an unfortunate phase; she was growing + stouter, and the expressive, sorrowful charm, the surprised, wistful + expressions which she had formerly had, seemed to have vanished with her + first youth, with the result that she became most precious to Swann at the + very moment when he found her distinctly less good-looking. He would gaze + at her for hours on end, trying to recapture the charm which he had once + seen in her and could not find again. And yet the knowledge that, within + this new and strange chrysalis, it was still Odette that lurked, still the + same volatile temperament, artful and evasive, was enough to keep Swann + seeking, with as much passion as ever, to captivate her. Then he would + look at photographs of her, taken two years before, and would remember how + exquisite she had been. And that would console him, a little, for all the + sufferings that he voluntarily endured on her account. + </p> + <p> + When the Verdurins took her off to Saint-Germain, or to Chatou, or to + Meulan, as often as not, if the weather was fine, they would propose to + remain there for the night, and not go home until next day. Mme. Verdurin + would endeavour to set at rest the scruples of the pianist, whose aunt had + remained in Paris: "She will be only too glad to be rid of you for a day. + How on earth could she be anxious, when she knows you're with us? Anyhow, + I'll take you all under my wing; she can put the blame on me." + </p> + <p> + If this attempt failed, M. Verdurin would set off across country until he + came to a telegraph office or some other kind of messenger, after first + finding out which of the 'faithful' had anyone whom they must warn. But + Odette would thank him, and assure him that she had no message for anyone, + for she had told Swann, once and for all, that she could not possibly send + messages to him, before all those people, without compromising herself. + Sometimes she would be absent for several days on end, when the Verdurins + took her to see the tombs at Dreux, or to Compiègne, on the painter's + advice, to watch the sun setting through the forest—after which they + went on to the Château of Pierrefonds. + </p> + <p> + "To think that she could visit really historic buildings with me, who have + spent ten years in the study of architecture, who am constantly bombarded, + by people who really count, to take them over Beauvais or + Saint-Loup-de-Naud, and refuse to take anyone but her; and instead of that + she trundles off with the lowest, the most brutally degraded of creatures, + to go into ecstasies over the petrified excretions of Louis-Philippe and + Viollet-le-Duc! One hardly needs much knowledge of art, I should say, to + do that; though, surely, even without any particularly refined sense of + smell, one would not deliberately choose to spend a holiday in the + latrines, so as to be within range of their fragrant exhalations." + </p> + <p> + But when she had set off for Dreux or Pierrefonds—alas, without + allowing him to appear there, as though by accident, at her side, for, as + she said, that would "create a dreadful impression,"—he would plunge + into the most intoxicating romance in the lover's library, the railway + timetable, from which he learned the ways of joining her there in the + afternoon, in the evening, even in the morning. The ways? More than that, + the authority, the right to join her. For, after all, the time-table, and + the trains themselves, were not meant for dogs. If the public were + carefully informed, by means of printed advertisements, that at eight + o'clock in the morning a train started for Pierrefonds which arrived there + at ten, that could only be because going to Pierrefonds was a lawful act, + for which permission from Odette would be superfluous; an act, moreover, + which might be performed from a motive altogether different from the + desire to see Odette, since persons who had never even heard of her + performed it daily, and in such numbers as justified the labour and + expense of stoking the engines. + </p> + <p> + So it came to this; that she could not prevent him from going to + Pierrefonds if he chose to do so. Now that was precisely what he found + that he did choose to do, and would at that moment be doing were he, like + the travelling public, not acquainted with Odette. For a long time past he + had wanted to form a more definite impression of Viollet-le-Duc's work as + a restorer. And the weather being what it was, he felt an overwhelming + desire to spend the day roaming in the forest of Compiègne. + </p> + <p> + It was, indeed, a piece of bad luck that she had forbidden him access to + the one spot that tempted him to-day. To-day! Why, if he went down there, + in defiance of her prohibition, he would be able to see her that very day! + But then, whereas, if she had met, at Pierrefonds, some one who did not + matter, she would have hailed him with obvious pleasure: "What, you here?" + and would have invited him to come and see her at the hotel where she was + staying with the Verdurins, if, on the other hand, it was himself, Swann, + that she encountered there, she would be annoyed, would complain that she + was being followed, would love him less in consequence, might even turn + away in anger when she caught sight of him. "So, then, I am not to be + allowed to go away for a day anywhere!" she would reproach him on her + return, whereas in fact it was he himself who was not allowed to go. + </p> + <p> + He had had the sudden idea, so as to contrive to visit Compiègne and + Pierrefonds without letting it be supposed that his object was to meet + Odette, of securing an invitation from one of his friends, the Marquis de + Forestelle, who had a country house in that neighbourhood. This friend, to + whom Swann suggested the plan without disclosing its ulterior purpose, was + beside himself with joy; he did not conceal his astonishment at Swann's + consenting at last, after fifteen years, to come down and visit his + property, and since he did not (he told him) wish to stay there, promised + to spend some days, at least, in taking him for walks and excursions in + the district. Swann imagined himself down there already with M. de + Forestelle. Even before he saw Odette, even if he did not succeed in + seeing her there, what a joy it would be to set foot on that soil where, + not knowing the exact spot in which, at any moment, she was to be found, + he would feel all around him the thrilling possibility of her suddenly + appearing: in the courtyard of the Château, now beautiful in his eyes + since it was on her account that he had gone to visit it; in all the + streets of the town, which struck him as romantic; down every ride of the + forest, roseate with the deep and tender glow of sunset;—innumerable + and alternative hiding-places, to which would fly simultaneously for + refuge, in the uncertain ubiquity of his hopes, his happy, vagabond and + divided heart. "We mustn't, on any account," he would warn M. de + Forestelle, "run across Odette and the Verdurins. I have just heard that + they are at Pierrefonds, of all places, to-day. One has plenty of time to + see them in Paris; it would hardly be worth while coming down here if one + couldn't go a yard without meeting them." And his host would fail to + understand why, once they had reached the place, Swann would change his + plans twenty times in an hour, inspect the dining-rooms of all the hotels + in Compiègne without being able to make up his mind to settle down in any + of them, although he had found no trace anywhere of the Verdurins, seeming + to be in search of what he had claimed to be most anxious to avoid, and + would in fact avoid, the moment he found it, for if he had come upon the + little 'group,' he would have hastened away at once with studied + indifference, satisfied that he had seen Odette and she him, especially + that she had seen him when he was not, apparently, thinking about her. But + no; she would guess at once that it was for her sake that he had come + there. And when M. de Forestelle came to fetch him, and it was time to + start, he excused himself: "No, I'm afraid not; I can't go to Pierrefonds + to-day. You see, Odette is there." And Swann was happy in spite of + everything in feeling that if he, alone among mortals, had not the right + to go to Pierrefonds that day, it was because he was in fact, for Odette, + some one who differed from all other mortals, her lover; and because that + restriction which for him alone was set upon the universal right to travel + freely where one would, was but one of the many forms of that slavery, + that love which was so dear to him. Decidedly, it was better not to risk a + quarrel with her, to be patient, to wait for her return. He spent his days + in poring over a map of the forest of Compiègne, as though it had been + that of the 'Pays du Tendre'; he surrounded himself with photographs of + the Château of Pierrefonds. When the day dawned on which it was possible + that she might return, he opened the time-table again, calculated what + train she must have taken, and, should she have postponed her departure, + what trains were still left for her to take. He did not leave the house, + for fear of missing a telegram, he did not go to bed, in case, having come + by the last train, she decided to surprise him with a midnight visit. Yes! + The front-door bell rang. There seemed some delay in opening the door, he + wanted to awaken the porter, he leaned out of the window to shout to + Odette, if it was Odette, for in spite of the orders which he had gone + downstairs a dozen times to deliver in person, they were quite capable of + telling her that he was not at home. It was only a servant coming in. He + noticed the incessant rumble of passing carriages, to which he had never + before paid any attention. He could hear them, one after another, a long + way off, coming nearer, passing his door without stopping, and bearing + away into the distance a message which was not for him. He waited all + night, to no purpose, for the Verdurins had returned unexpectedly, and + Odette had been in Paris since midday; it had not occurred to her to tell + him; not knowing what to do with herself she had spent the evening alone + at a theatre, had long since gone home to bed, and was peacefully asleep. + </p> + <p> + As a matter of fact, she had never given him a thought. And such moments + as these, in which she forgot Swann's very existence, were of more value + to Odette, did more to attach him to her, than all her infidelities. For + in this way Swann was kept in that state of painful agitation which had + once before been effective in making his interest blossom into love, on + the night when he had failed to find Odette at the Verdurins' and had + hunted for her all evening. And he did not have (as I had, afterwards, at + Combray in my childhood) happy days in which to forget the sufferings that + would return with the night. For his days, Swann must pass them without + Odette; and as he told himself, now and then, to allow so pretty a woman + to go out by herself in Paris was just as rash as to leave a case filled + with jewels in the middle of the street. In this mood he would scowl + furiously at the passers-by, as though they were so many pickpockets. But + their faces—a collective and formless mass—escaped the grasp + of his imagination, and so failed to feed the flame of his jealousy. The + effort exhausted Swann's brain, until, passing his hand over his eyes, he + cried out: "Heaven help me!" as people, after lashing themselves into an + intellectual frenzy in their endeavours to master the problem of the + reality of the external world, or that of the immortality of the soul, + afford relief to their weary brains by an unreasoning act of faith. But + the thought of his absent mistress was incessantly, indissolubly blended + with all the simplest actions of Swann's daily life—when he took his + meals, opened his letters, went for a walk or to bed—by the fact of + his regret at having to perform those actions without her; like those + initials of Philibert the Fair which, in the church of Brou, because of + her grief, her longing for him, Margaret of Austria intertwined everywhere + with her own. On some days, instead of staying at home, he would go for + luncheon to a restaurant not far off, to which he had been attracted, some + time before, by the excellence of its cookery, but to which he now went + only for one of those reasons, at once mystical and absurd, which people + call 'romantic'; because this restaurant (which, by the way, still exists) + bore the same name as the street in which Odette lived: the Lapérouse. + Sometimes, when she had been away on a short visit somewhere, several days + would elapse before she thought of letting him know that she had returned + to Paris. And then she would say quite simply, without taking (as she + would once have taken) the precaution of covering herself, at all costs, + with a little fragment borrowed from the truth, that she had just, at that + very moment, arrived by the morning train. What she said was a falsehood; + at least for Odette it was a falsehood, inconsistent, lacking (what it + would have had, if true) the support of her memory of her actual arrival + at the station; she was even prevented from forming a mental picture of + what she was saying, while she said it, by the contradictory picture, in + her mind, of whatever quite different thing she had indeed been doing at + the moment when she pretended to have been alighting from the train. In + Swann's mind, however, these words, meeting no opposition, settled and + hardened until they assumed the indestructibility of a truth so + indubitable that, if some friend happened to tell him that he had come by + the same train and had not seen Odette, Swann would have been convinced + that it was his friend who had made a mistake as to the day or hour, since + his version did not agree with the words uttered by Odette. These words + had never appeared to him false except when, before hearing them, he had + suspected that they were going to be. For him to believe that she was + lying, an anticipatory suspicion was indispensable. It was also, however, + sufficient. Given that, everything that Odette might say appeared to him + suspect. Did she mention a name: it was obviously that of one of her + lovers; once this supposition had taken shape, he would spend weeks in + tormenting himself; on one occasion he even approached a firm of 'inquiry + agents' to find out the address and the occupation of the unknown rival + who would give him no peace until he could be proved to have gone abroad, + and who (he ultimately learned) was an uncle of Odette, and had been dead + for twenty years. + </p> + <p> + Although she would not allow him, as a rule, to meet her at public + gatherings, saying that people would talk, it happened occasionally that, + at an evening party to which he and she had each been invited—at + Forcheville's, at the painter's, or at a charity ball given in one of the + Ministries—he found himself in the same room with her. He could see + her, but dared not remain for fear of annoying her by seeming to be spying + upon the pleasures which she tasted in other company, pleasures which—while + he drove home in utter loneliness, and went to bed, as anxiously as I + myself was to go to bed, some years later, on the evenings when he came to + dine with us at Combray—seemed illimitable to him since he had not + been able to see their end. And, once or twice, he derived from such + evenings that kind of happiness which one would be inclined (did it not + originate in so violent a reaction from an anxiety abruptly terminated) to + call peaceful, since it consists in a pacifying of the mind: he had looked + in for a moment at a revel in the painter's studio, and was getting ready + to go home; he was leaving behind him Odette, transformed into a brilliant + stranger, surrounded by men to whom her glances and her gaiety, which were + not for him, seemed to hint at some voluptuous pleasure to be enjoyed + there or elsewhere (possibly at the Bal des Incohérents, to which he + trembled to think that she might be going on afterwards) which made Swann + more jealous than the thought of their actual physical union, since it was + more difficult to imagine; he was opening the door to go, when he heard + himself called back in these words (which, by cutting off from the party + that possible ending which had so appalled him, made the party itself seem + innocent in retrospect, made Odette's return home a thing no longer + inconceivable and terrible, but tender and familiar, a thing that kept + close to his side, like a part of his own daily life, in his carriage; a + thing that stripped Odette herself of the excess of brilliance and gaiety + in her appearance, shewed that it was only a disguise which she had + assumed for a moment, for his sake and not in view of any mysterious + pleasures, a disguise of which she had already wearied)—in these + words, which Odette flung out after him as he was crossing the threshold: + "Can't you wait a minute for me? I'm just going; we'll drive back together + and you can drop me." It was true that on one occasion Forcheville had + asked to be driven home at the same time, but when, on reaching Odette's + gate, he had begged to be allowed to come in too, she had replied, with a + finger pointed at Swann: "Ah! That depends on this gentleman. You must ask + him. Very well, you may come in, just for a minute, if you insist, but you + mustn't stay long, for, I warn you, he likes to sit and talk quietly with + me, and he's not at all pleased if I have visitors when he's here. Oh, if + you only knew the creature as I know him; isn't that so, my love, there's + no one that really knows you, is there, except me?" + </p> + <p> + And Swann was, perhaps, even more touched by the spectacle of her + addressing him thus, in front of Forcheville, not only in these tender + words of predilection, but also with certain criticisms, such as: "I feel + sure you haven't written yet to your friends, about dining with them on + Sunday. You needn't go if you don't want to, but you might at least be + polite," or "Now, have you left your essay on Vermeer here, so that you + can do a little more to it to-morrow? What a lazy-bones! I'm going to make + you work, I can tell you," which proved that Odette kept herself in touch + with his social engagements and his literary work, that they had indeed a + life in common. And as she spoke she bestowed on him a smile which he + interpreted as meaning that she was entirely his. + </p> + <p> + And then, while she was making them some orangeade, suddenly, just as when + the reflector of a lamp that is badly fitted begins by casting all round + an object, on the wall beyond it, huge and fantastic shadows which, in + time, contract and are lost in the shadow of the object itself, all the + terrible and disturbing ideas which he had formed of Odette melted away + and vanished in the charming creature who stood there before his eyes. He + had the sudden suspicion that this hour spent in Odette's house, in the + lamp-light, was, perhaps, after all, not an artificial hour, invented for + his special use (with the object of concealing that frightening and + delicious thing which was incessantly in his thoughts without his ever + being able to form a satisfactory impression of it, an hour of Odette's + real life, of her life when he was not there, looking on) with theatrical + properties and pasteboard fruits, but was perhaps a genuine hour of + Odette's life; that, if he himself had not been there, she would have + pulled forward the same armchair for Forcheville, would have poured out + for him, not any unknown brew, but precisely that orangeade which she was + now offering to them both; that the world inhabited by Odette was not that + other world, fearful and supernatural, in which he spent his time in + placing her—and which existed, perhaps, only in his imagination, but + the real universe, exhaling no special atmosphere of gloom, comprising + that table at which he might sit down, presently, and write, and this + drink which he was being permitted, now, to taste; all the objects which + he contemplated with as much curiosity and admiration as gratitude, for + if, in absorbing his dreams, they had delivered him from an obsession, + they themselves were, in turn, enriched by the absorption; they shewed him + the palpable realisation of his fancies, and they interested his mind; + they took shape and grew solid before his eyes, and at the same time they + soothed his troubled heart. Ah! had fate but allowed him to share a single + dwelling with Odette, so that in her house he should be in his own; if, + when asking his servant what there would be for luncheon, it had been + Odette's bill of fare that he had learned from the reply; if, when Odette + wished to go for a walk, in the morning, along the Avenue du + Bois-de-Boulogne, his duty as a good husband had obliged him, though he + had no desire to go out, to accompany her, carrying her cloak when she was + too warm; and in the evening, after dinner, if she wished to stay at home, + and not to dress, if he had been forced to stay beside her, to do what she + asked; then how completely would all the trivial details of Swann's life, + which seemed to him now so gloomy, simply because they would, at the same + time, have formed part of the life of Odette, have taken on—like + that lamp, that orangeade, that armchair, which had absorbed so much of + his dreams, which materialised so much of his longing,—a sort of + superabundant sweetness and a mysterious solidity. + </p> + <p> + And yet he was inclined to suspect that the state for which he so much + longed was a calm, a peace, which would not have created an atmosphere + favourable to his love. When Odette ceased to be for him a creature always + absent, regretted, imagined; when the feeling that he had for her was no + longer the same mysterious disturbance that was wrought in him by the + phrase from the sonata, but constant affection and gratitude, when those + normal relations were established between them which would put an end to + his melancholy madness; then, no doubt, the actions of Odette's daily life + would appear to him as being of but little intrinsic interest—as he + had several times, already, felt that they might be, on the day, for + instance, when he had read, through its envelope, her letter to + Forcheville. Examining his complaint with as much scientific detachment as + if he had inoculated himself with it in order to study its effects, he + told himself that, when he was cured of it, what Odette might or might not + do would be indifferent to him. But in his morbid state, to tell the + truth, he feared death itself no more than such a recovery, which would, + in fact, amount to the death of all that he then was. + </p> + <p> + After these quiet evenings, Swann's suspicions would be temporarily + lulled; he would bless the name of Odette, and next day, in the morning, + would order the most attractive jewels to be sent to her, because her + kindnesses to him overnight had excited either his gratitude, or the + desire to see them repeated, or a paroxysm of love for her which had need + of some such outlet. + </p> + <p> + But at other times, grief would again take hold of him; he would imagine + that Odette was Forcheville's mistress, and that, when they had both sat + watching him from the depths of the Verdurins' landau, in the Bois, on the + evening before the party at Chatou to which he had not been invited, while + he implored her in vain, with that look of despair on his face which even + his coachman had noticed, to come home with him, and then turned away, + solitary, crushed,—she must have employed, to draw Forcheville's + attention to him, while she murmured: "Do look at him, storming!" the same + glance, brilliant, malicious, sidelong, cunning, as on the evening when + Forcheville had driven Saniette from the Verdurins'. + </p> + <p> + At such times Swann detested her. "But I've been a fool, too," he would + argue. "I'm paying for other men's pleasures with my money. All the same, + she'd better take care, and not pull the string too often, for I might + very well stop giving her anything at all. At any rate, we'd better knock + off supplementary favours for the time being. To think that, only + yesterday, when she said she would like to go to Bayreuth for the season, + I was such an ass as to offer to take one of those jolly little places the + King of Bavaria has there, for the two of us. However she didn't seem + particularly keen; she hasn't said yes or no yet. Let's hope that she'll + refuse. Good God! Think of listening to Wagner for a fortnight on end with + her, who takes about as much interest in music as a fish does in little + apples; it will be fun!" And his hatred, like his love, needing to + manifest itself in action, he amused himself with urging his evil + imaginings further and further, because, thanks to the perfidies with + which he charged Odette, he detested her still more, and would be able, if + it turned out—as he tried to convince himself—that she was + indeed guilty of them, to take the opportunity of punishing her, emptying + upon her the overflowing vials of his wrath. In this way, he went so far + as to suppose that he was going to receive a letter from her, in which she + would ask him for money to take the house at Bayreuth, but with the + warning that he was not to come there himself, as she had promised + Forcheville and the Verdurins to invite them. Oh, how he would have loved + it, had it been conceivable that she would have that audacity. What joy he + would have in refusing, in drawing up that vindictive reply, the terms of + which he amused himself by selecting and declaiming aloud, as though he + had actually received her letter. + </p> + <p> + The very next day, her letter came. She wrote that the Verdurins and their + friends had expressed a desire to be present at these performances of + Wagner, and that, if he would be so good as to send her the money, she + would be able at last, after going so often to their house, to have the + pleasure of entertaining the Verdurins in hers. Of him she said not a + word; it was to be taken for granted that their presence at Bayreuth would + be a bar to his. + </p> + <p> + Then that annihilating answer, every word of which he had carefully + rehearsed overnight, without venturing to hope that it could ever be used, + he had the satisfaction of having it conveyed to her. Alas! he felt only + too certain that with the money which she had, or could easily procure, + she would be able, all the same, to take a house at Bayreuth, since she + wished to do so, she who was incapable of distinguishing between Bach and + Clapisson. Let her take it, then; she would have to live in it more + frugally, that was all. No means (as there would have been if he had + replied by sending her several thousand-franc notes) of organising, each + evening, in her hired castle, those exquisite little suppers, after which + she might perhaps be seized by the whim (which, it was possible, had never + yet seized her) of falling into the arms of Forcheville. At any rate, this + loathsome expedition, it would not be Swann who had to pay for it. Ah! if + he could only manage to prevent it, if she could sprain her ankle before + starting, if the driver of the carriage which was to take her to the + station would consent (no matter how great the bribe) to smuggle her to + some place where she could be kept for a time in seclusion, that + perfidious woman, her eyes tinselled with a smile of complicity for + Forcheville, which was what Odette had become for Swann in the last + forty-eight hours. + </p> + <p> + But she was never that for very long; after a few days the shining, crafty + eyes lost their brightness and their duplicity, that picture of an + execrable Odette saying to Forcheville: "Look at him storming!" began to + grow pale and to dissolve. Then gradually reappeared and rose before him, + softly radiant, the face of the other Odette, of that Odette who also + turned with a smile to Forcheville, but with a smile in which there was + nothing but affection for Swann, when she said: "You mustn't stay long, + for this gentleman doesn't much like my having visitors when he's here. + Oh! if you only knew the creature as I know him!" that same smile with + which she used to thank Swann for some instance of his courtesy which she + prized so highly, for some advice for which she had asked him in one of + those grave crises in her life, when she could turn to him alone. + </p> + <p> + Then, to this other Odette, he would ask himself what could have induced + him to write that outrageous letter, of which, probably, until then, she + had never supposed him capable, a letter which must have lowered him from + the high, from the supreme place which, by his generosity, by his loyalty, + he had won for himself in her esteem. He would become less dear to her, + since it was for those qualities, which she found neither in Forcheville + nor in any other, that she loved him. It was for them that Odette so often + shewed him a reciprocal kindness, which counted for less than nothing in + his moments of jealousy, because it was not a sign of reciprocal desire, + was indeed a proof rather of affection than of love, but the importance of + which he began once more to feel in proportion as the spontaneous + relaxation of his suspicions, often accelerated by the distraction brought + to him by reading about art or by the conversation of a friend, rendered + his passion less exacting of reciprocities. + </p> + <p> + Now that, after this swing of the pendulum, Odette had naturally returned + to the place from which Swann's jealousy had for the moment driven her, in + the angle in which he found her charming, he pictured her to himself as + full of tenderness, with a look of consent in her eyes, and so beautiful + that he could not refrain from moving his lips towards her, as though she + had actually been in the room for him to kiss; and he preserved a sense of + gratitude to her for that bewitching, kindly glance, as strong as though + she had really looked thus at him, and it had not been merely his + imagination that had portrayed it in order to satisfy his desire. + </p> + <p> + What distress he must have caused her! Certainly he found adequate reasons + for his resentment, but they would not have been sufficient to make him + feel that resentment, if he had not so passionately loved her. Had he not + nourished grievances, just as serious, against other women, to whom he + would, none the less, render willing service to-day, feeling no anger + towards them because he no longer loved them? If the day ever came when he + would find himself in the same state of indifference with regard to + Odette, he would then understand that it was his jealousy alone which had + led him to find something atrocious, unpardonable, in this desire (after + all, so natural a desire, springing from a childlike ingenuousness and + also from a certain delicacy in her nature) to be able, in her turn, when + an occasion offered, to repay the Verdurins for their hospitality, and to + play the hostess in a house of her own. + </p> + <p> + He returned to the other point of view—opposite to that of his love + and of his jealousy, to which he resorted at times by a sort of mental + equity, and in order to make allowance for different eventualities—from + which he tried to form a fresh judgment of Odette, based on the + supposition that he had never been in love with her, that she was to him + just a woman like other women, that her life had not been (whenever he + himself was not present) different, a texture woven in secret apart from + him, and warped against him. + </p> + <p> + Wherefore believe that she would enjoy down there with Forcheville or with + other men intoxicating pleasures which she had never known with him, and + which his jealousy alone had fabricated in all their elements? At + Bayreuth, as in Paris, if it should happen that Forcheville thought of him + at all, it would only be as of some one who counted for a great deal in + the life of Odette, some one for whom he was obliged to make way, when + they met in her house. If Forcheville and she scored a triumph by being + down there together in spite of him, it was he who had engineered that + triumph by striving in vain to prevent her from going there, whereas if he + had approved of her plan, which for that matter was quite defensible, she + would have had the appearance of being there by his counsel, she would + have felt herself sent there, housed there by him, and for the pleasure + which she derived from entertaining those people who had so often + entertained her, it was to him that she would have had to acknowledge her + indebtedness. + </p> + <p> + And if—instead of letting her go off thus, at cross-purposes with + him, without having seen him again—he were to send her this money, + if he were to encourage her to take this journey, and to go out of his way + to make it comfortable and pleasant for her, she would come running to + him, happy, grateful, and he would have the joy—the sight of her + face—which he had not known for nearly a week, a joy which none + other could replace. For the moment that Swann was able to form a picture + of her without revulsion, that he could see once again the friendliness in + her smile, and that the desire to tear her away from every rival was no + longer imposed by his jealousy upon his love, that love once again became, + more than anything, a taste for the sensations which Odette's person gave + him, for the pleasure which he found in admiring, as one might a + spectacle, or in questioning, as one might a phenomenon, the birth of one + of her glances, the formation of one of her smiles, the utterance of an + intonation of her voice. And this pleasure, different from every other, + had in the end created in him a need of her, which she alone, by her + presence or by her letters, could assuage, almost as disinterested, almost + as artistic, as perverse as another need which characterised this new + period in Swann's life, when the sereness, the depression of the preceding + years had been followed by a sort of spiritual superabundance, without his + knowing to what he owed this unlooked-for enrichment of his life, any more + than a person in delicate health who from a certain moment grows stronger, + puts on flesh, and seems for a time to be on the road to a complete + recovery:—this other need, which, too, developed in him + independently of the visible, material world, was the need to listen to + music and to learn to know it. + </p> + <p> + And so, by the chemical process of his malady, after he had created + jealousy out of his love, he began again to generate tenderness, pity for + Odette. She had become once more the old Odette, charming and kind. He was + full of remorse for having treated her harshly. He wished her to come to + him, and, before she came, he wished to have already procured for her some + pleasure, so as to watch her gratitude taking shape in her face and + moulding her smile. + </p> + <p> + So, too, Odette, certain of seeing him come to her in a few days, as + tender and submissive as before, and plead with her for a reconciliation, + became inured, was no longer afraid of displeasing him, or even of making + him angry, and refused him, whenever it suited her, the favours by which + he set most store. + </p> + <p> + Perhaps she did not realise how sincere he had been with her during their + quarrel, when he had told her that he would not send her any money, but + would do what he could to hurt her. Perhaps she did not realise, either, + how sincere he still was, if not with her, at any rate with himself, on + other occasions when, for the sake of their future relations, to shew + Odette that he was capable of doing without her, that a rupture was still + possible between them, he decided to wait some time before going to see + her again. + </p> + <p> + Sometimes several days had elapsed, during which she had caused him no + fresh anxiety; and as, from the next few visits which he would pay her, he + knew that he was likely to derive not any great pleasure, but, more + probably, some annoyance which would put an end to the state of calm in + which he found himself, he wrote to her that he was very busy, and would + not be able to see her on any of the days that he had suggested. + Meanwhile, a letter from her, crossing his, asked him to postpone one of + those very meetings. He asked himself, why; his suspicions, his grief, + again took hold of him. He could no longer abide, in the new state of + agitation into which he found himself plunged, by the arrangements which + he had made in his preceding state of comparative calm; he would run to + find her, and would insist upon seeing her on each of the following days. + And even if she had not written first, if she merely acknowledged his + letter, it was enough to make him unable to rest without seeing her. For, + upsetting all Swann's calculations, Odette's acceptance had entirely + changed his attitude. Like everyone who possesses something precious, so + as to know what would happen if he ceased for a moment to possess it, he + had detached the precious object from his mind, leaving, as he thought, + everything else in the same state as when it was there. But the absence of + one part from a whole is not only that, it is not simply a partial + omission, it is a disturbance of all the other parts, a new state which it + was impossible to foresee from the old. + </p> + <p> + But at other times—when Odette was on the point of going away for a + holiday—it was after some trifling quarrel for which he had chosen + the pretext, that he decided not to write to her and not to see her until + her return, giving the appearance (and expecting the reward) of a serious + rupture, which she would perhaps regard as final, to a separation, the + greater part of which was inevitable, since she was going away, which, in + fact, he was merely allowing to start a little sooner than it must. At + once he could imagine Odette, puzzled, anxious, distressed at having + received neither visit nor letter from him and this picture of her, by + calming his jealousy, made it easy for him to break himself of the habit + of seeing her. At odd moments, no doubt, in the furthest recesses of his + brain, where his determination had thrust it away, and thanks to the + length of the interval, the three weeks' separation to which he had + agreed, it was with pleasure that he would consider the idea that he would + see Odette again on her return; but it was also with so little impatience + that he began to ask himself whether he would not readily consent to the + doubling of the period of so easy an abstinence. It had lasted, so far, + but three days, a much shorter time than he had often, before, passed + without seeing Odette, and without having, as on this occasion he had, + premeditated a separation. And yet, there and then, some tiny trace of + contrariety in his mind, or of weakness in his body,—by inciting him + to regard the present as an exceptional moment, one not to be governed by + the rules, one in which prudence itself would allow him to take advantage + of the soothing effects of a pleasure and to give his will (until the time + should come when its efforts might serve any purpose) a holiday—suspended + the action of his will, which ceased to exert its inhibitive control; or, + without that even, the thought of some information for which he had + forgotten to ask Odette, such as if she had decided in what colour she + would have her carriage repainted, or, with regard to some investment, + whether they were 'ordinary' or 'preference' shares that she wished him to + buy (for it was all very well to shew her that he could live without + seeing her, but if, after that, the carriage had to be painted over again, + if the shares produced no dividend, a fine lot of good he would have + done),—and suddenly, like a stretched piece of elastic which is let + go, or the air in a pneumatic machine which is ripped open, the idea of + seeing her again, from the remote point in time to which it had been + attached, sprang back into the field of the present and of immediate + possibilities. + </p> + <p> + It sprang back thus without meeting any further resistance, so + irresistible, in fact, that Swann had been far less unhappy in watching + the end gradually approaching, day by day, of the fortnight which he must + spend apart from Odette, than he was when kept waiting ten minutes while + his coachman brought round the carriage which was to take him to her, + minutes which he passed in transports of impatience and joy, in which he + recaptured a thousand times over, to lavish on it all the wealth of his + affection, that idea of his meeting with Odette, which, by so abrupt a + repercussion, at a moment when he supposed it so remote, was once more + present and on the very surface of his consciousness. The fact was that + this idea no longer found, as an obstacle in its course, the desire to + contrive without further delay to resist its coming, which had ceased to + have any place in Swann's mind since, having proved to himself—or + so, at least, he believed—that he was so easily capable of resisting + it, he no longer saw any inconvenience in postponing a plan of separation + which he was now certain of being able to put into operation whenever he + would. Furthermore, this idea of seeing her again came back to him adorned + with a novelty, a seductiveness, armed with a virulence, all of which long + habit had enfeebled, but which had acquired new vigour during this + privation, not of three days but of a fortnight (for a period of + abstinence may be calculated, by anticipation, as having lasted already + until the final date assigned to it), and had converted what had been, + until then, a pleasure in store, which could easily be sacrificed, into an + unlooked-for happiness which he was powerless to resist. Finally, the idea + returned to him with its beauty enhanced by his own ignorance of what + Odette might have thought, might, perhaps, have done on finding that he + shewed no sign of life, with the result that he was going now to meet with + the entrancing revelation of an Odette almost unknown. + </p> + <p> + But she, just as she had supposed that his refusal to send her money was + only a feint, saw nothing but a pretext in the question which he came, + now, to ask her, about the repainting of her carriage, or the purchase of + stock. For she could not reconstruct the several phases of these crises + through which he passed, and in the general idea which she formed of them + she made no attempt to understand their mechanism, looking only to what + she knew beforehand, their necessary, never-failing and always identical + termination. An imperfect idea (though possibly all the more profound in + consequence), if one were to judge it from the point of view of Swann, who + would doubtless have considered that Odette failed to understand him, just + as a morphinomaniac or a consumptive, each persuaded that he has been + thrown back, one by some outside event, at the moment when he was just + going to shake himself free from his inveterate habit, the other by an + accidental indisposition at the moment when he was just going to be + finally cured, feels himself to be misunderstood by the doctor who does + not attach the same importance to these pretended contingencies, mere + disguises, according to him, assumed, so as to be perceptible by his + patients, by the vice of one and the morbid state of the other, which in + reality have never ceased to weigh heavily and incurably upon them while + they were nursing their dreams of normality and health. And, as a matter + of fact, Swann's love had reached that stage at which the physician and + (in the case of certain affections) the boldest of surgeons ask themselves + whether to deprive a patient of his vice or to rid him of his malady is + still reasonable, or indeed possible. + </p> + <p> + Certainly, of the extent of this love Swann had no direct knowledge. When + he sought to measure it, it happened sometimes that he found it + diminished, shrunken almost to nothing; for instance, the very moderate + liking, amounting almost to dislike, which, in the days before he was in + love with Odette, he had felt for her expressive features, her faded + complexion, returned on certain days. "Really, I am making distinct + headway," he would tell himself on the morrow, "when I come to think it + over carefully, I find out that I got hardly any pleasure, last night, out + of being in bed with her; it's an odd thing, but I actually thought her + ugly." And certainly he was sincere, but his love extended a long way + beyond the province of physical desire. Odette's person, indeed, no longer + held any great place in it. When his eyes fell upon the photograph of + Odette on his table, or when she came to see him, he had difficulty in + identifying her face, either in the flesh or on the pasteboard, with the + painful and continuous anxiety which dwelt in his mind. He would say to + himself, almost with astonishment, "It is she!" as when suddenly some one + shews us in a detached, externalised form one of our own maladies, and we + find in it no resemblance to what we are suffering. "She?"—he tried + to ask himself what that meant; for it is something like love, like death + (rather than like those vague conceptions of maladies), a thing which one + repeatedly calls in question, in order to make oneself probe further into + it, in the fear that the question will find no answer, that the substance + will escape our grasp—the mystery of personality. And this malady, + which was Swann's love, had so far multiplied, was so closely interwoven + with all his habits, with all his actions, with his thoughts, his health, + his sleep, his life, even with what he hoped for after his death, was so + entirely one with him that it would have been impossible to wrest it away + without almost entirely destroying him; as surgeons say, his case was past + operation. + </p> + <p> + By this love Swann had been so far detached from all other interests that + when by chance he reappeared in the world of fashion, reminding himself + that his social relations, like a beautifully wrought setting (although + she would not have been able to form any very exact estimate of its + worth), might, still, add a little to his own value in Odette's eyes (as + indeed they might have done had they not been cheapened by his love + itself, which for Odette depreciated everything that it touched by seeming + to denounce such things as less precious than itself), he would feel + there, simultaneously with his distress at being in places and among + people that she did not know, the same detached sense of pleasure as he + would have derived from a novel or a painting in which were depicted the + amusements of a leisured class; just as, at home, he used to enjoy the + thought of the smooth efficiency of his household, the smartness of his + own wardrobe and of his servants' liveries, the soundness of his + investments, with the same relish as when he read in Saint-Simon, who was + one of his favourite authors, of the machinery of daily life at + Versailles, what Mme. de Maintenon ate and drank, or the shrewd avarice + and great pomp of Lulli. And in the small extent to which this detachment + was not absolute, the reason for this new pleasure which Swann was tasting + was that he could emigrate for a moment into those few and distant parts + of himself which had remained almost foreign to his love and to his pain. + In this respect the personality, with which my great-aunt endowed him, of + 'young Swann,' as distinct from the more individual personality of Charles + Swann, was that in which he now most delighted. Once when, because it was + the birthday of the Princesse de Parme (and because she could often be of + use, indirectly, to Odette, by letting her have seats for galas and + jubilees and all that sort of thing), he had decided to send her a basket + of fruit, and was not quite sure where or how to order it, he had + entrusted the task to a cousin of his mother who, delighted to be doing a + commission for him, had written to him, laying stress on the fact that she + had not chosen all the fruit at the same place, but the grapes from + Crapote, whose speciality they were, the strawberries from Jauret, the + pears from Chevet, who always had the best, am soon, "every fruit visited + and examined, one by one, by myself." And in the sequel, by the cordiality + with which the Princess thanked him, he had been able to judge of the + flavour of the strawberries and of the ripeness of the pears. But, most + of all, that "every fruit visited and examined one by one, by myself" had + brought balm to his sufferings by carrying his mind off to a region which + he rarely visited, although it was his by right, as the heir of a rich and + respectable middle-class family in which had been handed down from + generation to generation the knowledge of the 'right places' and the art + of ordering things from shops. + </p> + <p> + Of a truth, he had too long forgotten that he was 'young Swann' not to + feel, when he assumed that part again for a moment, a keener pleasure than + he was capable of feeling at other times—when, indeed, he was grown + sick of pleasure; and if the friendliness of the middle-class people, for + whom he had never been anything else than 'young Swann,' was less animated + than that of the aristocrats (though more flattering, for all that, since + in the middle-class mind friendship is inseparable from respect), no + letter from a Royal Personage, offering him some princely entertainment, + could ever be so attractive to Swann as the letter which asked him to be a + witness, or merely to be present at a wedding in the family of some old + friends of his parents; some of whom had 'kept up' with him, like my + grandfather, who, the year before these events, had invited him to my + mother's wedding, while others barely knew him by sight, but were, they + thought, in duty bound to shew civility to the son, to the worthy + successor of the late M. Swann. + </p> + <p> + But, by virtue of his intimacy, already time-honoured, with so many of + them, the people of fashion, in a certain sense, were also a part of his + house, his service, and his family. He felt, when his mind dwelt upon his + brilliant connections, the same external support, the same solid comfort + as when he looked at the fine estate, the fine silver, the fine + table-linen which had come down to him from his forebears. And the thought + that, if he were seized by a sudden illness and confined to the house, the + people whom his valet would instinctively run to find would be the Duc de + Chartres, the Prince de Reuss, the Duc de Luxembourg and the Baron de + Charlus, brought him the same consolation as our old Françoise derived + from the knowledge that she would, one day, be buried in her own fine + clothes, marked with her name, not darned at all (or so exquisitely darned + that it merely enhanced one's idea of the skill and patience of the + seamstress), a shroud from the constant image of which in her mind's eye + she drew a certain satisfactory sense, if not actually of wealth and + prosperity, at any rate of self-esteem. But most of all,—since in + every one of his actions and thoughts which had reference to Odette, Swann + was constantly subdued and swayed by the unconfessed feeling that he was, + perhaps not less dear, but at least less welcome to her than anyone, even + the most wearisome of the Verdurins' 'faithful,'—when he betook + himself to a world in which he was the paramount example of taste, a man + whom no pains were spared to attract, whom people were genuinely sorry not + to see, he began once again to believe in the existence of a happier life, + almost to feel an appetite for it, as an invalid may feel who has been in + bed for months and on a strict diet, when he picks up a newspaper and + reads the account of an official banquet or the advertisement of a cruise + round Sicily. + </p> + <p> + If he was obliged to make excuses to his fashionable friends for not + paying them visits, it was precisely for the visits that he did pay her + that he sought to excuse himself to Odette. He still paid them (asking + himself at the end of each month whether, seeing that he had perhaps + exhausted her patience, and had certainly gone rather often to see her, it + would be enough if he sent her four thousand francs), and for each visit + he found a pretext, a present that he had to bring her, some information + which she required, M. de Charlus, whom he had met actually going to her + house, and who had insisted upon Swann's accompanying him. And, failing + any excuse, he would beg M. de Charlus to go to her at once, and to tell + her, as though spontaneously, in the course of conversation, that he had + just remembered something that he had to say to Swann, and would she + please send a message to Swann's house asking him to come to her then and + there; but as a rule Swann waited at home in vain, and M. de Charlus + informed him, later in the evening, that his device had not proved + successful. With the result that, if she was now frequently away from + Paris, even when she was there he scarcely saw her; that she who, when she + was in love with him, used to say, "I am always free" and "What can it + matter to me, what other people think?" now, whenever he wanted to see + her, appealed to the proprieties or pleaded some engagement. When he spoke + of going to a charity entertainment, or a private view, or a first-night + at which she was to be present, she would expostulate that he wished to + advertise their relations in public, that he was treating her like a woman + off the streets. Things came to such a pitch that, in an effort to save + himself from being altogether forbidden to meet her anywhere, Swann, + remembering that she knew and was deeply attached to my great-uncle + Adolphe, whose friend he himself also had been, went one day to see him in + his little flat in the Rue de Bellechasse, to ask him to use his influence + with Odette. As it happened, she invariably adopted, when she spoke to + Swann about my uncle, a poetical tone, saying: "Ah, he! He is not in the + least like you; it is an exquisite thing, a great, a beautiful thing, his + friendship for me. He's not the sort of man who would have so little + consideration for me as to let himself be seen with me everywhere in + public." This was embarrassing for Swann, who did not know quite to what + rhetorical pitch he should screw himself up in speaking of Odette to my + uncle. He began by alluding to her excellence, <i>a priori</i>, the axiom + of her seraphic super-humanity, the revelation of her inexpressible + virtues, no conception of which could possibly be formed. "I should like + to speak to you about her," he went on, "you, who know what a woman + supreme above all women, what an adorable being, what an angel Odette is. + But you know, also, what life is in Paris. Everyone doesn't see Odette in + the light in which you and I have been privileged to see her. And so there + are people who think that I am behaving rather foolishly; she won't even + allow me to meet her out of doors, at the theatre. Now you, in whom she + has such enormous confidence, couldn't you say a few words for me to her, + just to assure her that she exaggerates the harm which my bowing to her in + the street might do her?" + </p> + <p> + My uncle advised Swann not to see Odette for some days, after which she + would love him all the more; he advised Odette to let Swann meet her + everywhere, and as often as he pleased. A few days later Odette told Swann + that she had just had a rude awakening; she had discovered that my uncle + was the same as other men; he had tried to take her by assault. She calmed + Swann, who, at first, was for rushing out to challenge my uncle to a duel, + but he refused to shake hands with him when they met again. He regretted + this rupture all the more because he had hoped, if he had met my uncle + Adolphe again sometimes and had contrived to talk things over with him in + strict confidence, to be able to get him to throw a light on certain + rumours with regard to the life that Odette had led, in the old days, at + Nice. For my uncle Adolphe used to spend the winter there, and Swann + thought that it might indeed have been there, perhaps, that he had first + known Odette. The few words which some one had let fall, in his hearing, + about a man who, it appeared, had been Odette's lover, had left Swann + dumbfounded. But the very things which he would, before knowing them, have + regarded as the most terrible to learn and the most impossible to believe, + were, once he knew them, incorporated for all time in the general mass of + his sorrow; he admitted them, he could no longer have understood their not + existing. Only, each one of them in its passage traced an indelible line, + altering the picture that he had formed of his mistress. At one time + indeed he felt that he could understand that this moral 'lightness,' of + which he would never have suspected Odette, was perfectly well known, and + that at Baden or Nice, when she had gone, in the past, to spend several + months in one or the other place, she had enjoyed a sort of amorous + notoriety. He attempted, in order to question them, to get into touch + again with certain men of that stamp; but these were aware that he knew + Odette, and, besides, he was afraid of putting the thought of her into + their heads, of setting them once more upon her track. But he, to whom, up + till then, nothing could have seemed so tedious as was all that pertained + to the cosmopolitan life of Baden or of Nice, now that he learned that + Odette had, perhaps, led a 'gay' life once in those pleasure-cities, + although he could never find out whether it had been solely to satisfy a + want of money which, thanks to himself, she no longer felt, or from some + capricious instinct which might, at any moment, revive in her, he would + lean, in impotent anguish, blinded and dizzy, over the bottomless abyss + into which had passed, in which had been engulfed those years of his own, + early in MacMahon's <i>Septennat</i>, in which one spent the winter on the + Promenade des Anglais, the summer beneath the limes of Baden, and would + find in those years a sad but splendid profundity, such as a poet might + have lent to them; and he would have devoted to the reconstruction of all + the insignificant details that made up the daily round on the Côte d'Azur + in those days, if it could have helped him to understand something that + still baffled him in the smile or in the eyes of Odette, more enthusiasm + than does the aesthete who ransacks the extant documents of + fifteenth-century Florence, so as to try to penetrate further into the + soul of the Primavera, the fair Vanna or the Venus of Botticelli. He would + sit, often, without saying a word to her, only gazing at her and dreaming; + and she would comment: "You do look sad!" It was not very long since, from + the idea that she was an excellent creature, comparable to the best women + that he had known, he had passed to that of her being 'kept'; and yet + already, by an inverse process, he had returned from the Odette de Crécy, + perhaps too well known to the holiday-makers, to the 'ladies' men' of Nice + and Baden, to this face, the expression on which was so often gentle, to + this nature so eminently human. He would ask himself: "What does it mean, + after all, to say that everyone at Nice knows who Odette de Crécy is? + Reputations of that sort, even when they're true, are always based upon + other people's ideas"; he would reflect that this legend—even if it + were authentic—was something external to Odette, was not inherent in + her like a mischievous and ineradicable personality; that the creature who + might have been led astray was a woman with frank eyes, a heart full of + pity for the sufferings of others, a docile body which he had pressed + tightly in his arms and explored with his fingers, a woman of whom he + might one day come into absolute possession if he succeeded in making + himself indispensable to her. There she was, often tired, her face left + blank for the nonce by that eager, feverish preoccupation with the unknown + things which made Swann suffer; she would push back her hair with both + hands; her forehead, her whole face would seem to grow larger; then, + suddenly, some ordinary human thought, some worthy sentiment such as is to + be found in all creatures when, in a moment of rest or meditation, they + are free to express themselves, would flash out from her eyes like a ray + of gold. And immediately the whole of her face would light up like a grey + landscape, swathed in clouds which, suddenly, are swept away and the dull + scene transfigured, at the moment of the sun's setting. The life which + occupied Odette at such times, even the future which she seemed to be + dreamily regarding, Swann could have shared with her. No evil disturbance + seemed to have left any effect on them. Rare as they became, those moments + did not occur in vain. By the process of memory, Swann joined the + fragments together, abolished the intervals between them, cast, as in + molten gold, the image of an Odette compact of kindness and tranquillity, + for whom he was to make, later on (as we shall see in the second part of + this story) sacrifices which the other Odette would never have won from + him. But how rare those moments were, and how seldom he now saw her! Even + in regard to their evening meetings, she would never tell him until the + last minute whether she would be able to see him, for, reckoning on his + being always free, she wished first to be certain that no one else would + offer to come to her. She would plead that she was obliged to wait for an + answer which was of the very greatest importance, and if, even after she + had made Swann come to her house, any of her friends asked her, half-way + through the evening, to join them at some theatre, or at supper + afterwards, she would jump for joy and dress herself with all speed. As + her toilet progressed, every movement that she made brought Swann nearer + to the moment when he would have to part from her, when she would fly off + with irresistible force; and when at length she was ready, and, plunging + into her mirror a last glance strained and brightened by her anxiety to + look well, smeared a little salve on her lips, fixed a stray loci of hair + over her brow, and called for her cloak of sky-blue silk with golden + tassels, Swann would be looking so wretched that she would be unable to + restrain a gesture of impatience as she flung at him: "So that is how you + thank me for keeping you here till the last minute! And I thought I was + being so nice to you. Well, I shall know better another time!" Sometimes, + at the risk of annoying her, he made up his mind that he would find out + where she had gone, and even dreamed of a defensive alliance with + Forcheville, who might perhaps have been able to tell him. But anyhow, + when he knew with whom she was spending the evening, it was very seldom + that he could not discover, among all his innumerable acquaintance, some + one who knew—if only indirectly—the man with whom she had gone + out, and could easily obtain this or that piece of information about him. + And while he was writing to one of his friends, asking him to try to get a + little light thrown upon some point or other, he would feel a sense of + relief on ceasing to vex himself with questions to which there was no + answer and transferring to some one else the strain of interrogation. It + is true that Swann was little the wiser for such information as he did + receive. To know a thing does not enable us, always, to prevent its + happening, but after all the things that we know we do hold, if not in our + hands, at any rate in our minds, where we can dispose of them as we + choose, which gives us the illusion of a sort of power to control them. He + was quite happy whenever M. de Charlus was with Odette. He knew that + between M. de Charlus and her nothing untoward could ever happen, that + when M. de Charlus went anywhere with her, it was out of friendship for + himself, and that he would make no difficulty about telling him everything + that she had done. Sometimes she had declared so emphatically to Swann + that it was impossible for him to see her on a particular evening, she + seemed to be looking forward so keenly to some outing, that Swann attached + a very real importance to the fact that M. de Charlus was free to + accompany her. Next day, without daring to put many questions to M. de + Charlus, he would force him, by appearing not quite to understand his + first answers, to give him more, after each of which he would feel himself + increasingly relieved, for he very soon learned that Odette had spent her + evening in the most innocent of dissipations. + </p> + <p> + "But what do you mean, my dear Mémé, I don't quite understand.... You + didn't go straight from her house to the Musée Grévin? Surely you went + somewhere else first? No? That is very odd! You don't know how amusing you + are, my dear Mémé. But what an odd idea of hers to go on to the Chat Noir + afterwards; it was her idea, I suppose? No? Yours? That's strange. After + all, it wasn't a bad idea; she must have known dozens of people there? No? + She never spoke to a soul? How extraordinary! Then you sat there like + that, just you and she, all by yourselves? I can picture you, sitting + there! You are a worthy fellow, my dear Mémé; I'm exceedingly fond of + you." + </p> + <p> + Swann was now quite at ease. To him, who had so often happened, when + talking to friends who knew nothing of his love, friends to whom he hardly + listened, to hear certain detached sentences (as, for instance, "I saw + Mme. de Crécy yesterday; she was with a man I didn't know."), sentences + which dropped into his heart and passed at once into a solid state, grew + hard as stalagmites, and seared and tore him as they lay there + irremovable,—how charming, by way of contrast, were the words: "She + didn't know a soul; she never spoke to a soul." How freely they coursed + through him, how fluid they were, how vaporous, how easy to breathe! And + yet, a moment later, he was telling himself that Odette must find him very + dull if those were the pleasures that she preferred to his company. And + their very insignificance, though it reassured him, pained him as if her + enjoyment of them had been an act of treachery. + </p> + <p> + Even when he could not discover where she had gone, it would have sufficed + to alleviate the anguish that he then felt, for which Odette's presence, + the charm of her company, was the sole specific (a specific which in the + long run served, like many other remedies, to aggravate the disease, but + at least brought temporary relief to his sufferings), it would have + sufficed, had Odette only permitted him to remain in her house while she + was out, to wait there until that hour of her return, into whose stillness + and peace would flow, to be mingled and lost there, all memory of those + intervening hours which some sorcery, some cursed spell had made him + imagine as, somehow, different from the rest. But she would not; he must + return home; he forced himself, on the way, to form various plans, ceased + to think of Odette; he even reached the stage, while he undressed, of + turning over all sorts of happy ideas in his mind: it was with a light + heart, buoyed with the anticipation of going to see some favourite work of + art on the morrow, that he jumped into bed and turned out the light; but + no sooner had he made himself ready to sleep, relaxing a self-control of + which he was not even conscious, so habitual had it become, than an icy + shudder convulsed his body and he burst into sobs. He did not wish to know + why, but dried his eyes, saying with a smile: "This is delightful; I'm + becoming neurasthenic." After which he could not save himself from utter + exhaustion at the thought that, next day, he must begin afresh his attempt + to find out what Odette had been doing, must use all his influence to + contrive to see her. This compulsion to an activity without respite, + without variety, without result, was so cruel a scourge that one day, + noticing a swelling over his stomach, he felt an actual joy in the idea + that he had, perhaps, a tumour which would prove fatal, that he need not + concern himself with anything further, that it was his malady which was + going to govern his life, to make a plaything of him, until the + not-distant end. If indeed, at this period, it often happened that, though + without admitting it even to himself, he longed for death, it was in order + to escape not so much from the keenness of his sufferings as from the + monotony of his struggle. + </p> + <p> + And yet he would have wished to live until the time came when he no longer + loved her, when she would have no reason for lying to him, when at length + he might learn from her whether, on the day when he had gone to see her in + the afternoon, she had or had not been in the arms of Forcheville. Often + for several days on end the suspicion that she was in love with some one + else would distract his mind from the question of Forcheville, making it + almost immaterial to him, like those new developments of a continuous + state of ill-health which seem for a little time to have delivered us from + their predecessors. There were even days when he was not tormented by any + suspicion. He fancied that he was cured. But next morning, when he awoke, + he felt in the same place the same pain, a sensation which, the day + before, he had, as it were, diluted in the torrent of different + impressions. But it had not stirred from its place. Indeed, it was the + sharpness of this pain that had awakened him. + </p> + <p> + Since Odette never gave him any information as to those vastly important + matters which took up so much of her time every day (albeit he had lived + long enough in the world to know that such matters are never anything else + than pleasures) he could not sustain for any length of time the effort to + imagine them; his brain would become a void; then he would pass a finger + over his tired eyelids, in the same way as he might have wiped his + eyeglass, and would cease altogether to think. There emerged, however, + from this unexplored tract, certain occupations which reappeared from time + to time, vaguely connected by Odette with some obligation towards distant + relatives or old friends who, inasmuch as they were the only people whom + she was in the habit of mentioning as preventing her from seeing him, + seemed to Swann to compose the necessary, unalterable setting of her life. + Because of the tone in which she referred, from time to time, to "the day + when I go with my friend to the Hippodrome," if, when he felt unwell and + had thought, "Perhaps Odette would be kind and come to see me," he + remembered, suddenly, that it was one of those very days, he would correct + himself with an "Oh, no! It's not worth while asking her to come; I should + have thought of it before, this is the day when she goes with her friend + to the Hippodrome. We must confine ourselves to what is possible; no use + wasting our time in proposing things that can't be accepted and are + declined in advance." And this duty that was incumbent upon Odette, of + going to the Hippodrome, to which Swann thus gave way, seemed to him to be + not merely ineluctable in itself; but the mark of necessity which stamped + it seemed to make plausible and legitimate everything that was even + remotely connected with it. If, when Odette, in the street, had + acknowledged the salute of a passer-by, which had aroused Swann's + jealousy, she replied to his questions by associating the stranger with + any of the two or three paramount duties of which she had often spoken to + him; if, for instance, she said: "That's a gentleman who was in my + friend's box the other day; the one I go to the Hippodrome with," that + explanation would set Swann's suspicions at rest; it was, after all, + inevitable that this friend should have other guests than Odette in her + box at the Hippodrome, but he had never sought to form or succeeded in + forming any coherent impression of them. Oh! how he would have loved to + know her, that friend who went to the Hippodrome, how he would have loved + her to invite him there with Odette. How readily he would have sacrificed + all his acquaintance for no matter what person who was in the habit of + seeing Odette, were she but a manicurist or a girl out of a shop. He would + have taken more trouble, incurred more expense for them than for queens. + Would they not have supplied him, out of what was contained in their + knowledge of the life of Odette, with the one potent anodyne for his pain? + With what joy would he have hastened to spend his days with one or other + of those humble folk with whom Odette kept up friendly relations, either + with some ulterior motive or from genuine simplicity of nature. How + willingly would he have fixed his abode for ever in the attics of some + sordid but enviable house, where Odette went but never took him, and + where, if he had lived with the little retired dressmaker, whose lover he + would readily have pretended to be, he would have been visited by Odette + almost daily. In those regions, that were almost slums, what a modest + existence, abject, if you please, but delightful, nourished by + tranquillity and happiness, he would have consented to lead indefinitely. + </p> + <p> + It sometimes happened, again, that, when, after meeting Swann, she saw + some man approaching whom he did not know, he could distinguish upon + Odette's face that look of sorrow which she had worn on the day when he + had come to her while Forcheville was there. But this was rare; for, on + the days when, in spite of all that she had to do, and of her dread of + what people would think, she did actually manage to see Swann, the + predominant quality in her attitude, now, was self-assurance; a striking + contrast, perhaps an unconscious revenge for, perhaps a natural reaction + from the timorous emotion which, in the early days of their friendship, + she had felt in his presence, and even in his absence, when she began a + letter to him with the words: "My dear, my hand trembles so that I can + scarcely write." (So, at least, she pretended, and a little of that + emotion must have been sincere, or she would not have been anxious to + enlarge and emphasise it.) So Swann had been pleasing to her then. Our + hands do not tremble except for ourselves, or for those whom we love. When + they have ceased to control our happiness how peaceful, how easy, how bold + do we become in their presence! In speaking to him, in writing to him now, + she no longer employed those words by which she had sought to give herself + the illusion that he belonged to her, creating opportunities for saying + "my" and "mine" when she referred to him: "You are all that I have in the + world; it is the perfume of our friendship, I shall keep it," nor spoke to + him of the future, of death itself, as of a single adventure which they + would have to share. In those early days, whatever he might say to her, + she would answer admiringly: "You know, you will never be like other + people!"—she would gaze at his long, slightly bald head, of which + people who know only of his successes used to think: "He's not regularly + good-looking, if you like, but he is smart; that tuft, that eyeglass, that + smile!" and, with more curiosity perhaps to know him as he really was than + desire to become his mistress, she would sigh: + </p> + <p> + "I do wish I could find out what there is in that head of yours!" + </p> + <p> + But, now, whatever he might say, she would answer, in a tone sometimes of + irritation, sometimes indulgent: "Ah! so you never will be like other + people!" + </p> + <p> + She would gaze at his head, which was hardly aged at all by his recent + anxieties (though people now thought of it, by the same mental process + which enables one to discover the meaning of a piece of symphonic music of + which one has read the programme, or the 'likenesses' in a child whose + family one has known: "He's not positively ugly, if you like, but he is + really rather absurd; that eyeglass, that tuft, that smile!" realising in + their imagination, fed by suggestion, the invisible boundary which + divides, at a few months' interval, the head of an ardent lover from a + cuckold's), and would say: + </p> + <p> + "Oh, I do wish I could change you; put some sense into that head of + yours." + </p> + <p> + Always ready to believe in the truth of what he hoped, if it was only + Odette's way of behaving to him that left room for doubt, he would fling + himself greedily upon her words: "You can if you like," he would tell her. + </p> + <p> + And he tried to explain to her that to comfort him, to control him, to + make him work would be a noble task, to which numbers of other women asked + for nothing better than to be allowed to devote themselves, though it is + only fair to add that in those other women's hands the noble task would + have seemed to Swann nothing more than an indiscreet and intolerable + usurpation of his freedom of action. "If she didn't love me, just a + little," he told himself, "she would not wish to have me altered. To alter + me, she will have to see me more often." And so he was able to trace, in + these faults which she found in him, a proof at least of her interest, + perhaps even of her love; and, in fact, she gave him so little, now, of + the last, that he was obliged to regard as proofs of her interest in him + the various things which, every now and then, she forbade him to do. One + day she announced that she did not care for his coachman, who, she + thought, was perhaps setting Swann against her, and, anyhow, did not shew + that promptness and deference to Swann's orders which she would have liked + to see. She felt that he wanted to hear her say: "Don't have him again + when you come to me," just as he might have wanted her to kiss him. So, + being in a good temper, she said it; and he was deeply moved. That + evening, when talking to M. de Charlus, with whom he had the satisfaction + of being able to speak of her openly (for the most trivial remarks that he + uttered now, even to people who had never heard of her, had always some + sort of reference to Odette), he said to him: + </p> + <p> + "I believe, all the same, that she loves me; she is so nice to me now, and + she certainly takes an interest in what I do." + </p> + <p> + And if, when he was starting off for her house, getting into his carriage + with a friend whom he was to drop somewhere on the way, his friend said: + "Hullo! that isn't Loredan on the box?" with what melancholy joy would + Swann answer him: + </p> + <p> + "Oh! Good heavens, no! I can tell you, I daren't take Loredan when I go to + the Rue La Pérouse; Odette doesn't like me to have Loredan, she thinks he + doesn't suit me. What on earth is one to do? Women, you know, women. My + dear fellow, she would be furious. Oh, lord, yes; I've only to take Rémi + there; I should never hear the last of it!" + </p> + <p> + These new manners, indifferent, listless, irritable, which Odette now + adopted with Swann, undoubtedly made him suffer; but he did not realise + how much he suffered; since it had been with a regular progression, day + after day, that Odette had chilled towards him, it was only by directly + contrasting what she was to-day with what she had been at first that he + could have measured the extent of the change that had taken place. Now + this change was his deep, his secret wound, which pained him day and + night, and whenever he felt that his thoughts were straying too near it, + he would quickly turn them into another channel for fear of being made to + suffer too keenly. He might say to himself in a vague way: "There was a + time when Odette loved me more," but he never formed any definite picture + of that time. Just as he had in his study a cupboard at which he contrived + never to look, which he turned aside to avoid passing whenever he entered + or left the room, because in one of its drawers he had locked away the + chrysanthemum which she had given him on one of those first evenings when + he had taken her home in his carriage, and the letters in which she said: + "Why did you not forget your heart also? I should never have let you have + that back," and "At whatever hour of the day or night you may need me, + just send me a word, and dispose of me as you please," so there was a + place in his heart to which he would never allow his thoughts to trespass + too near, forcing them, if need be, to evade it by a long course of + reasoning so that they should not have to pass within reach of it; the + place in which lingered his memories of happy days. + </p> + <p> + But his so meticulous prudence was defeated one evening when he had gone + out to a party. + </p> + <p> + It was at the Marquise de Saint-Euverte's, on the last, for that season, + of the evenings on which she invited people to listen to the musicians who + would serve, later on, for her charity concerts. Swann, who had intended + to go to each of the previous evenings in turn, but had never been able to + make up his mind, received, while he was dressing for this party, a visit + from the Baron de Charlus, who came with an offer to go with him to the + Marquise's, if his company could be of any use in helping Swann not to + feel quite so bored when he got there, to be a little less unhappy. But + Swann had thanked him with: + </p> + <p> + "You can't conceive how glad I should be of your company. But the greatest + pleasure that you can give me will be if you will go instead to see + Odette. You know what a splendid influence you have over her. I don't + suppose she'll be going anywhere this evening, unless she goes to see her + old dressmaker, and I'm sure she would be delighted if you went with her + there. In any case, you'll find her at home before then. Try to keep her + amused, and also to give her a little sound advice. If you could arrange + something for to-morrow which would please her, something that we could + all three do together. Try to put out a feeler, too, for the summer; see + if there's anything she wants to do, a cruise that we might all three + take; anything you can think of. I don't count upon seeing her to-night, + myself; still if she would like me to come, or if you find a loophole, + you've only to send me a line at Mme. de Saint-Euverte's up till midnight; + after that I shall be here. Ever so many thanks for all you are doing for + me—you know what I feel about you!" + </p> + <p> + His friend promised to go and do as Swann wished as soon as he had + deposited him at the door of the Saint-Euverte house, where he arrived + soothed by the thought that M. de Charlus would be spending the evening in + the Rue La Pérouse, but in a state of melancholy indifference to + everything that did not involve Odette, and in particular to the details + of fashionable life, a state which invested them with the charm that is to + be found in anything which, being no longer an object of our desire, + appears to us in its own guise. On alighting from his carriage, in the + foreground of that fictitious summary of their domestic existence which + hostesses are pleased to offer to their guests on ceremonial occasions, + and in which they shew a great regard for accuracy of costume and setting, + Swann was amused to discover the heirs and successors of Balzac's 'tigers'—now + 'grooms'—. who normally followed their mistress when she walked + abroad, but now, hatted and booted, were posted out of doors, in front of + the house on the gravelled drive, or outside the stables, as gardeners + might be drawn up for inspection at the ends of their several flower-beds. + The peculiar tendency which he had always had to look for analogies + between living people and the portraits in galleries reasserted itself + here, but in a more positive and more general form; it was society as a + whole, now that he was detached from it, which presented itself to him in + a series of pictures. In the cloak-room, into which, in the old days, when + he was still a man of fashion, he would have gone in his overcoat, to + emerge from it in evening dress, but without any impression of what had + occurred there, his mind having been, during the minute or two that he had + spent in it, either still at the party which he had just left, or already + at the party into which he was just about to be ushered, he now noticed, + for the first time, roused by the unexpected arrival of so belated a + guest, the scattered pack of splendid effortless animals, the enormous + footmen who were drowsing here and there upon benches and chests, until, + pointing their noble greyhound profiles, they towered upon their feet and + gathered in a circle round about him. + </p> + <p> + One of them, of a particularly ferocious aspect, and not unlike the + headsman in certain Renaissance pictures which represent executions, + tortures, and the like, advanced upon him with an implacable air to take + his 'things.' But the harshness of his steely glare was compensated by the + softness of his cotton gloves, so effectively that, as he approached + Swann, he seemed to be exhibiting at once an utter contempt for his person + and the most tender regard for his hat. He took it with a care to which + the precision of his movements imparted something that was almost + over-fastidious, and with a delicacy that was rendered almost touching by + the evidence of his splendid strength. Then he passed it to one of his + satellites, a novice and timid, who was expressing the panic that + overpowered him by casting furious glances in every direction, and + displayed all the dumb agitation of a wild animal in the first hours of + its captivity. + </p> + <p> + A few feet away, a strapping great lad in livery stood musing, motionless, + statuesque, useless, like that purely decorative warrior whom one sees in + the most tumultuous of Mantegna's paintings, lost in dreams, leaning upon + his shield, while all around him are fighting and bloodshed and death; + detached from the group of his companions who were thronging about Swann, + he seemed as determined to remain unconcerned in the scene, which he + followed vaguely with his cruel, greenish eyes, as if it had been the + Massacre of the Innocents or the Martyrdom of Saint James. He seemed + precisely to have sprung from that vanished race—if, indeed, it ever + existed, save in the reredos of San Zeno and the frescoes of the + Eremitani, where Swann had come in contact with it, and where it still + dreams—fruit of the impregnation of a classical statue by some one + of the Master's Paduan models, or of Albert Duerer's Saxons. And the locks + of his reddish hair, crinkled by nature, but glued to his head by + brilliantine, were treated broadly as they are in that Greek sculpture + which the Mantuan painter never ceased to study, and which, if in its + creator's purpose it represents but man, manages at least to extract from + man's simple outlines such a variety of richness, borrowed, as it were, + from the whole of animated nature, that a head of hair, by the glossy + undulation and beak-like points of its curls, or in the overlaying of the + florid triple diadem of its brushed tresses, can suggest at once a bunch + of seaweed, a brood of fledgling doves, a bed of hyacinths and a serpent's + writhing back. Others again, no less colossal, were disposed upon the + steps of a monumental staircase which, by their decorative presence and + marmorean immobility, was made worthy to be named, like that god-crowned + ascent in the Palace of the Doges, the 'Staircase of the Giants,' and on + which Swann now set foot, saddened by the thought that Odette had never + climbed it. Ah, with what joy would he, on the other hand, have raced up + the dark, evil-smelling, breakneck flights to the little dressmaker's, in + whose attic he would so gladly have paid the price of a weekly stage-box + at the Opera for the right to spend the evening there when Odette came, + and other days too, for the privilege of talking about her, of living + among people whom she was in the habit of seeing when he was not there, + and who, on that account, seemed to keep secret among themselves some part + of the life of his mistress more real, more inaccessible and more + mysterious than anything that he knew. Whereas upon that pestilential, + enviable staircase to the old dressmaker's, since there was no other, no + service stair in the building, one saw in the evening outside every door + an empty, unwashed milk-can set out, in readiness for the morning round, + upon the door-mat; on the despicable, enormous staircase which Swann was + at that moment climbing, on either side of him, at different levels, + before each anfractuosity made in its walls by the window of the porter's + lodge or the entrance to a set of rooms, representing the departments of + indoor service which they controlled, and doing homage for them to the + guests, a gate-keeper, a major-domo, a steward (worthy men who spent the + rest of the week in semi-independence in their own domains, dined there by + themselves like small shopkeepers, and might to-morrow lapse to the + plebeian service of some successful doctor or industrial magnate), + scrupulous in carrying out to the letter all the instructions that had + been heaped upon them before they were allowed to don the brilliant livery + which they wore only at long intervals, and in which they did not feel + altogether at their ease, stood each in the arcade of his doorway, their + splendid pomp tempered by a democratic good-fellowship, like saints in + their niches, and a gigantic usher, dressed Swiss Guard fashion, like the + beadle in a church, struck the pavement with his staff as each fresh + arrival passed him. Coming to the top of the staircase, up which he had + been followed by a servant with a pallid countenance and a small pigtail + clubbed at the back of his head, like one of Goya's sacristans or a + tabellion in an old play, Swann passed by an office in which the lackeys, + seated like notaries before their massive registers, rose solemnly to + their feet and inscribed his name. He next crossed a little hall which—just + as certain rooms are arranged by their owners to serve as the setting for + a single work of art (from which they take their name), and, in their + studied bareness, contain nothing else besides—displayed to him as + he entered it, like some priceless effigy by Benvenuto Cellini of an armed + watchman, a young footman, his body slightly bent forward, rearing above + his crimson gorget an even more crimson face, from which seemed to burst + forth torrents of fire, timidity and zeal, who, as he pierced the Aubusson + tapestries that screened the door of the room in which the music was being + given with his impetuous, vigilant, desperate gaze, appeared, with a + soldierly impassibility or a supernatural faith—an allegory of + alarums, incarnation of alertness, commemoration of a riot—to be + looking out, angel or sentinel, from the tower of dungeon or cathedral, + for the approach of the enemy or for the hour of Judgment. Swann had now + only to enter the concert-room, the doors of which were thrown open to him + by an usher loaded with chains, who bowed low before him as though + tendering to him the keys of a conquered city. But he thought of the house + in which at that very moment he might have been, if Odette had but + permitted, and the remembered glimpse of an empty milk-can upon a door-mat + wrung his heart. + </p> + <p> + He speedily recovered his sense of the general ugliness of the human male + when, on the other side of the tapestry curtain, the spectacle of the + servants gave place to that of the guests. But even this ugliness of + faces, which of course were mostly familiar to him, seemed something new + and uncanny, now that their features,—instead of being to him + symbols of practical utility in the identification of this or that man, + who until then had represented merely so many pleasures to be sought + after, boredoms to be avoided, or courtesies to be acknowledged—were + at rest, measurable by aesthetic co-ordinates alone, in the autonomy of + their curves and angles. And in these men, in the thick of whom Swann now + found himself packed, there was nothing (even to the monocle which many of + them wore, and which, previously, would, at the most, have enabled Swann + to say that so-and-so wore a monocle) which, no longer restricted to the + general connotation of a habit, the same in all of them, did not now + strike him with a sense of individuality in each. Perhaps because he did + not regard General de Froberville and the Marquis de Bréaute, who were + talking together just inside the door, as anything more than two figures + in a picture, whereas they were the old and useful friends who had put him + up for the Jockey Club and had supported him in duels, the General's + monocle, stuck like a shell-splinter in his common, scarred, victorious, + overbearing face, in the middle of a forehead which it left half-blinded, + like the single-eyed flashing front of the Cyclops, appeared to Swann as a + monstrous wound which it might have been glorious to receive but which it + was certainly not decent to expose, while that which M. de Bréaute wore, + as a festive badge, with his pearl-grey gloves, his crush hat and white + tie, substituting it for the familiar pair of glasses (as Swann himself + did) when he went out to places, bore, glued to its other side, like a + specimen prepared on a slide for the microscope, an infinitesimal gaze + that swarmed with friendly feeling and never ceased to twinkle at the + loftiness of ceilings, the delightfulness of parties, the interestingness + of programmes and the excellence of refreshments. + </p> + <p> + "Hallo! you here! why, it's ages since I've seen you," the General greeted + Swann and, noticing the look of strain on his face and concluding that it + was perhaps a serious illness that had kept him away, went on, "You're + looking well, old man!" while M. de Bréauté turned with, "My dear fellow, + what on earth are you doing here?" to a 'society novelist' who had just + fitted into the angle of eyebrow and cheek his own monocle, the sole + instrument that he used in his psychological investigations and + remorseless analyses of character, and who now replied, with an air of + mystery and importance, rolling the 'r':—"I am observing!" + </p> + <p> + The Marquis de Forestelle's monocle was minute and rimless, and, by + enforcing an incessant and painful contraction of the eye over which it + was incrusted like a superfluous cartilage, the presence of which there + was inexplicable and its substance unimaginable, it gave to his face a + melancholy refinement, and led women to suppose him capable of suffering + terribly when in love. But that of M. de Saint-Candé, girdled, like + Saturn, with an enormous ring, was the centre of gravity of a face which + composed itself afresh every moment in relation to the glass, while his + thrusting red nose and swollen sarcastic lips endeavoured by their + grimaces to rise to the level of the steady flame of wit that sparkled in + the polished disk, and saw itself preferred to the most ravishing eyes in + the world by the smart, depraved young women whom it set dreaming of + artificial charms and a refinement of sensual bliss; and then, behind him, + M. de Palancy, who with his huge carp's head and goggling eyes moved + slowly up and down the stream of festive gatherings, unlocking his great + mandibles at every moment as though in search of his orientation, had the + air of carrying about upon his person only an accidental and perhaps + purely symbolical fragment of the glass wall of his aquarium, a part + intended to suggest the whole which recalled to Swann, a fervent admirer + of Giotto's Vices and Virtues at Padua, that Injustice by whose side a + leafy bough evokes the idea of the forests that enshroud his secret lair. + </p> + <p> + Swann had gone forward into the room, under pressure from Mme. de + Saint-Euverte and in order to listen to an aria from <i>Orfeo</i> which + was being rendered on the flute, and had taken up a position in a corner + from which, unfortunately, his horizon was bounded by two ladies of + 'uncertain' age, seated side by side, the Marquise de Cambremer and the + Vicomtesse de Franquetot, who, because they were cousins, used to spend + their time at parties in wandering through the rooms, each clutching her + bag and followed by her daughter, hunting for one another like people at a + railway station, and could never be at rest until they had reserved, by + marking them with their fans or handkerchiefs, two adjacent chairs; Mme. + de Cambremer, since she knew scarcely anyone, being all the more glad of a + companion, while Mme. de Franquetot, who, on the contrary, was extremely + popular, thought it effective and original to shew all her fine friends + that she preferred to their company that of an obscure country cousin with + whom she had childish memories in common. Filled with ironical melancholy, + Swann watched them as they listened to the pianoforte intermezzo + (Liszt's 'Saint Francis preaching to the birds') which came after the + flute, and followed the virtuoso in his dizzy flight; Mme. de Franquetot + anxiously, her eyes starting from her head, as though the keys over which + his fingers skipped with such agility were a series of trapezes, from any + one of which he might come crashing, a hundred feet, to the ground, + stealing now and then a glance of astonishment and unbelief at her + companion, as who should say: "It isn't possible, I would never have + believed that a human being could do all that!"; Mme. de Cambremer, as a + woman who had received a sound musical education, beating time with her + head—transformed for the nonce into the pendulum of a metronome, the + sweep and rapidity of whose movements from one shoulder to the other + (performed with that look of wild abandonment in her eye which a sufferer + shews who is no longer able to analyse his pain, nor anxious to master it, + and says merely "I can't help it") so increased that at every moment her + diamond earrings caught in the trimming of her bodice, and she was obliged + to put straight the bunch of black grapes which she had in her hair, + though without any interruption of her constantly accelerated motion. On + the other side (and a little way in front) of Mme. de Franquetot, was the + Marquise de Gallardon, absorbed in her favourite meditation, namely upon + her own kinship with the Guermantes family, from which she derived both + publicly and in private a good deal of glory not unmingled with shame, the + most brilliant ornaments of that house remaining somewhat aloof from her, + perhaps because she was just a tiresome old woman, or because she was a + scandalous old woman, or because she came of an inferior branch of the + family, or very possibly for no reason at all. When she found herself + seated next to some one whom she did not know, as she was at this moment + next to Mme. de Franquetot, she suffered acutely from the feeling that her + own consciousness of her Guermantes connection could not be made + externally manifest in visible character like those which, in the mosaics + in Byzantine churches, placed one beneath another, inscribe in a vertical + column by the side of some Sacred Personage the words which he is supposed + to be uttering. At this moment she was pondering the fact that she had + never received an invitation, or even call, from her young cousin the + Princesse des Laumes, during the six years that had already elapsed since + the latter's marriage. The thought filled her with anger—and with + pride; for, by virtue of having told everyone who expressed surprise at + never seeing her at Mme. des Laumes's, that it was because of the risk of + meeting the Princesse Mathilde there—a degradation which her own + family, the truest and bluest of Legitimists, would never have forgiven + her, she had come gradually to believe that this actually was the reason + for her not visiting her young cousin. She remembered, it is true, that + she had several times inquired of Mme. des Laumes how they might contrive + to meet, but she remembered it only in a confused way, and besides did + more than neutralise this slightly humiliating reminiscence by murmuring, + "After all, it isn't for me to take the first step; I am at least twenty + years older than she is." And fortified by these unspoken words she flung + her shoulders proudly back until they seemed to part company with her + bust, while her head, which lay almost horizontally upon them, made one + think of the 'stuck-on' head of a pheasant which is brought to the table + regally adorned with its feathers. Not that she in the least degree + resembled a pheasant, having been endowed by nature with a short and squat + and masculine figure; but successive mortifications had given her a + backward tilt, such as one may observe in trees which have taken root on + the very edge of a precipice and are forced to grow backwards to preserve + their balance. Since she was obliged, in order to console herself for not + being quite on a level with the rest of the Guermantes, to repeat to + herself incessantly that it was owing to the uncompromising rigidity of + her principles and pride that she saw so little of them, the constant + iteration had gradually remoulded her body, and had given her a sort of + 'bearing' which was accepted by the plebeian as a sign of breeding, and + even kindled, at times, a momentary spark in the jaded eyes of old + gentlemen in clubs. Had anyone subjected Mme. de Gallardon's conversation + to that form of analysis which by noting the relative frequency of its + several terms would furnish him with the key to a ciphered message, he + would at once have remarked that no expression, not even the commonest + forms of speech, occurred in it nearly so often as "at my cousins the + Guermantes's," "at my aunt Guermantes's," "Elzéar de Guermantes's health," + "my cousin Guermantes's box." If anyone spoke to her of a distinguished + personage, she would reply that, although she was not personally + acquainted with him, she had seen him hundreds of times at her aunt + Guermantes's, but she would utter this reply in so icy a tone, with such a + hollow sound, that it was at once quite clear that if she did not know the + celebrity personally that was because of all the obstinate, ineradicable + principles against which her arching shoulders were stretched back to + rest, as on one of those ladders on which gymnastic instructors make us + 'extend' so as to develop the expansion of our chests. + </p> + <p> + At this moment the Princesse des Laumes, who had not been expected to + appear at Mme. de Saint-Euverte's that evening, did in fact arrive. To + shew that she did not wish any special attention, in a house to which she + had come by an act of condescension, to be paid to her superior rank, she + had entered the room with her arms pressed close to her sides, even when + there was no crowd to be squeezed through, no one attempting to get past + her; staying purposely at the back, with the air of being in her proper + place, like a king who stands in the waiting procession at the doors of a + theatre where the management have not been warned of his coming; and + strictly limiting her field of vision—so as not to seem to be + advertising her presence and claiming the consideration that was her due—to + the study of a pattern in the carpet or of her own skirt, she stood there + on the spot which had struck her as the most modest (and from which, as + she very well knew, a cry of rapture from Mme. de Saint-Euverte would + extricate her as soon as her presence there was noticed), next to Mme. de + Cambremer, whom, however, she did not know. She observed the dumb-show by + which her neighbour was expressing her passion for music, but she + refrained from copying it. This was not to say that, for once that she had + consented to spend a few minutes in Mme. de Saint-Euverte's house, the + Princesse des Laumes would not have wished (so that the act of politeness + to her hostess which she had performed by coming might, so to speak, + 'count double') to shew herself as friendly and obliging as possible. But + she had a natural horror of what she called 'exaggerating,' and always + made a point of letting people see that she 'simply must not' indulge in + any display of emotion that was not in keeping with the tone of the circle + in which she moved, although such displays never failed to make an + impression upon her, by virtue of that spirit of imitation, akin to + timidity, which is developed in the most self-confident persons, by + contact with an unfamiliar environment, even though it be inferior to + their own. She began to ask herself whether these gesticulations might + not, perhaps, be a necessary concomitant of the piece of music that was + being played, a piece which, it might be, was in a different category from + all the music that she had ever heard before; and whether to abstain from + them was not a sign of her own inability to understand the music, and of + discourtesy towards the lady of the house; with the result that, in order + to express by a compromise both of her contradictory inclinations in turn, + at one moment she would merely straighten her shoulder-straps or feel in + her golden hair for the little balls of coral or of pink enamel, frosted + with tiny diamonds, which formed its simple but effective ornament, + studying, with a cold interest, her impassioned neighbour, while at + another she would beat time for a few bars with her fan, but, so as not to + forfeit her independence, she would beat a different time from the + pianist's. When he had finished the Liszt Intermezzo and had begun a + Prelude by Chopin, Mme. de Cambremer turned to Mme. de Franquetot with a + tender smile, full of intimate reminiscence, as well as of satisfaction + (that of a competent judge) with the performance. She had been taught in + her girlhood to fondle and cherish those long-necked, sinuous creatures, + the phrases of Chopin, so free, so flexible, so tactile, which begin by + seeking their ultimate resting-place somewhere beyond and far wide of the + direction in which they started, the point which one might have expected + them to reach, phrases which divert themselves in those fantastic bypaths + only to return more deliberately—with a more premeditated reaction, + with more precision, as on a crystal bowl which, if you strike it, will + ring and throb until you cry aloud in anguish—to clutch at one's + heart. + </p> + <p> + Brought up in a provincial household with few friends or visitors, hardly + ever invited to a ball, she had fuddled her mind, in the solitude of her + old manor-house, over setting the pace, now crawling-slow, now passionate, + whirling, breathless, for all those imaginary waltzing couples, gathering + them like flowers, leaving the ball-room for a moment to listen, where the + wind sighed among the pine-trees, on the shore of the lake, and seeing of + a sudden advancing towards her, more different from anything one had ever + dreamed of than earthly lovers are, a slender young man, whose voice was + resonant and strange and false, in white gloves. But nowadays the + old-fashioned beauty of this music seemed to have become a trifle stale. + Having forfeited, some years back, the esteem of 'really musical' people, + it had lost its distinction and its charm, and even those whose taste was + frankly bad had ceased to find in it more than a moderate pleasure to + which they hardly liked to confess. Mme. de Cambremer cast a furtive + glance behind her. She knew that her young daughter-in-law (full of + respect for her new and noble family, except in such matters as related to + the intellect, upon which, having 'got as far' as Harmony and the Greek + alphabet, she was specially enlightened) despised Chopin, and fell quite + ill when she heard him played. But finding herself free from the scrutiny + of this Wagnerian, who was sitting, at some distance, in a group of her + own contemporaries, Mme. de Cambremer let herself drift upon a stream of + exquisite memories and sensations. The Princesse des Laumes was touched + also. Though without any natural gift for music, she had received, some + fifteen years earlier, the instruction which a music-mistress of the + Faubourg Saint-Germain, a woman of genius who had been, towards the end of + her life, reduced to penury, had started, at seventy, to give to the + daughters and granddaughters of her old pupils. This lady was now dead. + But her method, an echo of her charming touch, came to life now and then + in the fingers of her pupils, even of those who had been in other respects + quite mediocre, had given up music, and hardly ever opened a piano. And so + Mme. des Laumes could let her head sway to and fro, fully aware of the + cause, with a perfect appreciation of the manner in which the pianist was + rendering this Prelude, since she knew it by heart. The closing notes of + the phrase that he had begun sounded already on her lips. And she murmured + "How charming it is!" with a stress on the opening consonants of the + adjective, a token of her refinement by which she felt her lips so + romantically compressed, like the petals of a beautiful, budding flower, + that she instinctively brought her eyes into harmony, illuminating them + for a moment with a vague and sentimental gaze. Meanwhile Mme. de + Gallardon had arrived at the point of saying to herself how annoying it + was that she had so few opportunities of meeting the Princesse des Laumes, + for she meant to teach her a lesson by not acknowledging her bow. She did + not know that her cousin was in the room. A movement of Mme. Franquetot's + head disclosed the Princess. At once Mme. de Gallardon dashed towards her, + upsetting all her neighbours; although determined to preserve a distant + and glacial manner which should remind everyone present that she had no + desire to remain on friendly terms with a person in whose house one might + find oneself, any day, cheek by jowl with the Princesse Mathilde, and to + whom it was not her duty to make advances since she was not 'of her + generation,' she felt bound to modify this air of dignity and reserve by + some non-committal remark which would justify her overture and would force + the Princess to engage in conversation; and so, when she reached her + cousin, Mme. de Gallardon, with a stern countenance and one hand thrust + out as though she were trying to 'force' a card, began with: "How is your + husband?" in the same anxious tone that she would have used if the Prince + had been seriously ill. The Princess, breaking into a laugh which was one + of her characteristics, and was intended at once to shew the rest of an + assembly that she was making fun of some one and also to enhance her own + beauty by concentrating her features around her animated lips and + sparkling eyes, answered: "Why; he's never been better in his life!" And + she went on laughing. + </p> + <p> + Mme. de Gallardon then drew herself up and, chilling her expression still + further, perhaps because she was still uneasy about the Prince's health, + said to her cousin: + </p> + <p> + "Oriane," (at once Mme. des Laumes looked with amused astonishment towards + an invisible third, whom she seemed to call to witness that she had never + authorised Mme. de Gallardon to use her Christian name) "I should be so + pleased if you would look in, just for a minute, to-morrow evening, to + hear a quintet, with the clarinet, by Mozart. I should like to have your + opinion of it." + </p> + <p> + She seemed not so much to be issuing an invitation as to be asking favour, + and to want the Princess's opinion of the Mozart quintet just as though it + had been a dish invented by a new cook, whose talent it was most important + that an epicure should come to judge. + </p> + <p> + "But I know that quintet quite well. I can tell you now—that I adore + it." + </p> + <p> + "You know, my husband isn't at all well; it's his liver. He would like so + much to see you," Mme. de Gallardon resumed, making it now a corporal work + of charity for the Princess to appear at her party. + </p> + <p> + The Princess never liked to tell people that she would not go to their + houses. Every day she would write to express her regret at having been + kept away—by the sudden arrival of her husband's mother, by an + invitation from his brother, by the Opera, by some excursion to the + country—from some party to which she had never for a moment dreamed + of going. In this way she gave many people the satisfaction of feeling + that she was on intimate terms with them, that she would gladly have come + to their houses, and that she had been prevented from doing so only by + some princely occurrence which they were flattered to find competing with + their own humble entertainment. And then, as she belonged to that witty + 'Guermantes set'—in which there survived something of the alert + mentality, stripped of all commonplace phrases and conventional + sentiments, which dated from Mérimée, and found its final expression in + the plays of Meilhac and Halévy—she adapted its formula so as to + suit even her social engagements, transposed it into the courtesy which + was always struggling to be positive and precise, to approximate itself to + the plain truth. She would never develop at any length to a hostess the + expression of her anxiety to be present at her party; she found it more + pleasant to disclose to her all the various little incidents on which it + would depend whether it was or was not possible for her to come. + </p> + <p> + "Listen, and I'll explain," she began to Mme. de Gallardon. "To-morrow + evening I must go to a friend of mine, who has been pestering me to fix a + day for ages. If she takes us to the theatre afterwards, then I can't + possibly come to you, much as I should love to; but if we just stay in the + house, I know there won't be anyone else there, so I can slip away." + </p> + <p> + "Tell me, have you seen your friend M. Swann?" + </p> + <p> + "No! my precious Charles! I never knew he was here. Where is he? I must + catch his eye." + </p> + <p> + "It's a funny thing that he should come to old Saint-Euverte's," Mme. de + Gallardon went on. "Oh, I know he's very clever," meaning by that 'very + cunning,' "but that makes no difference; fancy a Jew here, and she the + sister and sister-in-law of two Archbishops." + </p> + <p> + "I am ashamed to confess that I am not in the least shocked," said the + Princesse des Laumes. + </p> + <p> + "I know he's a converted Jew, and all that, and his parents and + grandparents before him. But they do say that the converted ones are worse + about their religion than the practising ones, that it's all just a + pretence; is that true, d'you think?" + </p> + <p> + "I can throw no light at all on the matter." + </p> + <p> + The pianist, who was 'down' to play two pieces by Chopin, after finishing + the Prelude had at once attacked a Polonaise. But once Mme. de Gallardon + had informed her cousin that Swann was in the room, Chopin himself might + have risen from the grave and played all his works in turn without Mme. + des Laumes's paying him the slightest attention. She belonged to that one + of the two divisions of the human race in which the untiring curiosity + which the other half feels about the people whom it does not know is + replaced by an unfailing interest in the people whom it does. As with many + women of the Faubourg Saint-Germain, the presence, in any room in which + she might find herself, of another member of her set, even although she + had nothing in particular to say to him, would occupy her mind to the + exclusion of every other consideration. From that moment, in the hope that + Swann would catch sight of her, the Princess could do nothing but (like a + tame white mouse when a lump of sugar is put down before its nose and then + taken away) turn her face, in which were crowded a thousand signs of + intimate connivance, none of them with the least relevance to the + sentiment underlying Chopin's music, in the direction where Swann was, + and, if he moved, divert accordingly the course of her magnetic smile. + </p> + <p> + "Oriane, don't be angry with me," resumed Mme. de Gallardon, who could + never restrain herself from sacrificing her highest social ambitions, and + the hope that she might one day emerge into a light that would dazzle the + world, to the immediate and secret satisfaction of saying something + disagreeable, "people do say about your M. Swann that he's the sort of man + one can't have in the house; is that true?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, you, of all people, ought to know that it's true," replied the + Princesse des Laumes, "for you must have asked him a hundred times, and + he's never been to your house once." + </p> + <p> + And leaving her cousin mortified afresh, she broke out again into a laugh + which scandalised everyone who was trying to listen to the music, but + attracted the attention of Mme. de Saint-Euverte, who had stayed, out of + politeness, near the piano, and caught sight of the Princess now for the + first time. Mme. de Saint-Euverte was all the more delighted to see Mme. + des Laumes, as she imagined her to be still at Guermantes, looking after + her father-in-law, who was ill. + </p> + <p> + "My dear Princess, you here?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, I tucked myself away in a corner, and I've been hearing such lovely + things." + </p> + <p> + "What, you've been in the room quite a time?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, yes, quite a long time, which seemed very short; it was only long + because I couldn't see you." + </p> + <p> + Mme. de Saint-Euverte offered her own chair to the Princess, who declined + it with: + </p> + <p> + "Oh, please, no! Why should you? It doesn't matter in the least where I + sit." And deliberately picking out, so as the better to display the + simplicity of a really great lady, a low seat without a back: "There now, + that hassock, that's all I want. It will make me keep my back straight. + Oh! Good heavens, I'm making a noise again; they'll be telling you to have + me 'chucked out'." + </p> + <p> + Meanwhile, the pianist having doubled his speed, the emotion of the + music-lovers was reaching its climax, a servant was handing refreshments + about on a salver, and was making the spoons rattle, and, as on every + other 'party-night', Mme. de Saint-Euverte was making signs to him, which + he never saw, to leave the room. A recent bride, who had been told that a + young woman ought never to appear bored, was smiling vigorously, trying to + catch her hostess's eye so as to flash a token of her gratitude for the + other's having 'thought of her' in connection with so delightful an + entertainment. And yet, although she remained more calm than Mme. de + Franquetot, it was not without some uneasiness that she followed the + flying fingers; what alarmed her being not the pianist's fate but the + piano's, on which a lighted candle, jumping at each <i>fortissimo</i>, + threatened, if not to set its shade on fire, at least to spill wax upon + the ebony. At last she could contain herself no longer, and, running up + the two steps of the platform on which the piano stood, flung herself on + the candle to adjust its sconce. But scarcely had her hand come within + reach of it when, on a final chord, the piece finished, and the pianist + rose to his feet. Nevertheless the bold initiative shewn by this young + woman and the moment of blushing confusion between her and the pianist + which resulted from it, produced an impression that was favourable on the + whole. + </p> + <p> + "Did you see what that girl did just now, Princess?" asked General de + Froberville, who had come up to Mme. des Laumes as her hostess left her + for a moment. "Odd, wasn't it? Is she one of the performers?" + </p> + <p> + "No, she's a little Mme. de Cambremer," replied the Princess carelessly, + and then, with more animation: "I am only repeating what I heard just now, + myself; I haven't the faintest notion who said it, it was some one behind + me who said that they were neighbours of Mme. de Saint-Euverte in the + country, but I don't believe anyone knows them, really. They must be + 'country cousins'! By the way, I don't know whether you're particularly + 'well-up' in the brilliant society which we see before us, because I've no + idea who all these astonishing people can be. What do you suppose they do + with themselves when they're not at Mme. de Saint-Euverte's parties? She + must have ordered them in with the musicians and the chairs and the food. + 'Universal providers,' you know. You must admit, they're rather splendid, + General. But can she really have the courage to hire the same 'supers' + every week? It isn't possible!" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, but Cambremer is quite a good name; old, too," protested the General. + </p> + <p> + "I see no objection to its being old," the Princess answered dryly, "but + whatever else it is it's not euphonious," she went on, isolating the word + euphonious as though between inverted commas, a little affectation to + which the Guermantes set were addicted. + </p> + <p> + "You think not, eh! She's a regular little peach, though," said the + General, whose eyes never strayed from Mme. de Cambremer. "Don't you agree + with me, Princess?" + </p> + <p> + "She thrusts herself forward too much; I think, in so young a woman, + that's not very nice—for I don't suppose she's my generation," + replied Mme. des Laumes (the last word being common, it appeared, to + Gallardon and Guermantes). And then, seeing that M. de Froberville was + still gazing at Mme. de Cambremer, she added, half out of malice towards + the lady, half wishing to oblige the General: "Not very nice... for her + husband! I am sorry that I do not know her, since she seems to attract you + so much; I might have introduced you to her," said the Princess, who, if + she had known the young woman, would most probably have done nothing of + the sort. "And now I must say good night, because one of my friends is + having a birthday party, and I must go and wish her many happy returns," + she explained, modestly and with truth, reducing the fashionable gathering + to which she was going to the simple proportions of a ceremony which would + be boring in the extreme, but at which she was obliged to be present, and + there would be something touching about her appearance. "Besides, I must + pick up Basin. While I've been here, he's gone to see those friends of his—you + know them too, I'm sure,—who are called after a bridge—oh, + yes, the Iénas." + </p> + <p> + "It was a battle before it was a bridge, Princess; it was a victory!" said + the General. "I mean to say, to an old soldier like me," he went on, + wiping his monocle and replacing it, as though he were laying a fresh + dressing on the raw wound underneath, while the Princess instinctively + looked away, "that Empire nobility, well, of course, it's not the same + thing, but, after all, taking it as it is, it's very fine of its kind; + they were people who really did fight like heroes." + </p> + <p> + "But I have the deepest respect for heroes," the Princess assented, though + with a faint trace of irony. "If I don't go with Basin to see this + Princesse d'Iéna, it isn't for that, at all; it's simply because I don't + know them. Basin knows them; he worships them. Oh, no, it's not what you + think; he's not in love with her. I've nothing to set my face against! + Besides, what good has it ever done when I have set my face against them?" + she queried sadly, for the whole world knew that, ever since the day upon + which the Prince des Laumes had married his fascinating cousin, he had + been consistently unfaithful to her. "Anyhow, it isn't that at all. + They're people he has known for ever so long, they do him very well, and + that suits me down to the ground. But I must tell you what he's told me + about their house; it's quite enough. Can you imagine it, all their + furniture is 'Empire'!" + </p> + <p> + "But, my dear Princess, that's only natural; it belonged to their + grandparents." + </p> + <p> + "I don't quite say it didn't, but that doesn't make it any less ugly. I + quite understand that people can't always have nice things, but at least + they needn't have things that are merely grotesque. What do you say? I can + think of nothing more devastating, more utterly smug than that hideous + style—cabinets covered all over with swans' heads, like bath-taps!" + </p> + <p> + "But I believe, all the same, that they've got some lovely things; why, + they must have that famous mosaic table on which the Treaty of..." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, I don't deny, they may have things that are interesting enough from + the historic point of view. But things like that can't, ever, be beautiful + ... because they're simply horrible! I've got things like that myself, + that came to Basin from the Montesquious. Only, they're up in the attics + at Guermantes, where nobody ever sees them. But, after all, that's not the + point, I would fly to see them, with Basin; I would even go to see them + among all their sphinxes and brasses, if I knew them, but—I don't + know them! D'you know, I was always taught, when I was a little girl, that + it was not polite to call on people one didn't know." She assumed a tone + of childish gravity. "And so I am just doing what I was taught to do. + Can't you see those good people, with a totally strange woman bursting + into their house? Why, I might get a most hostile reception." + </p> + <p> + And she coquettishly enhanced the charm of the smile which the idea had + brought to her lips, by giving to her blue eyes, which were fixed on the + General, a gentle, dreamy expression. + </p> + <p> + "My dear Princess, you know that they'd be simply wild with joy." + </p> + <p> + "No, why?" she inquired, with the utmost vivacity, either so as to seem + unaware that it would be because she was one of the first ladies in + France, or so as to have the pleasure of hearing the General tell her so. + "Why? How can you tell? Perhaps they would think it the most unpleasant + thing that could possibly happen. I know nothing about them, but if + they're anything like me, I find it quite boring enough to see the people + I do know; I'm sure if I had to see people I didn't know as well, even if + they had 'fought like heroes,' I should go stark mad. Besides, except when + it's an old friend like you, whom one knows quite apart from that, I'm not + sure that 'heroism' takes one very far in society. It's often quite boring + enough to have to give a dinner-party, but if one had to offer one's arm + to Spartacus, to let him take one down...! Really, no; it would never be + Vercingetorix I should send for, to make a fourteenth. I feel sure, I + should keep him for really big 'crushes.' And as I never give any..." + </p> + <p> + "Ah! Princess, it's easy to see you're not a Guermantes for nothing. You + have your share of it, all right, the 'wit of the Guermantes'!" + </p> + <p> + "But people always talk about the wit of the Guermantes; I never could + make out why. Do you really know any others who have it?" she rallied him, + with a rippling flow of laughter, her features concentrated, yoked to the + service of her animation, her eyes sparkling, blazing with a radiant + sunshine of gaiety which could be kindled only by such speeches—even + if the Princess had to make them herself—as were in praise of her wit + or of her beauty. "Look, there's Swann talking to your Cambremer woman; + over there, beside old Saint-Euverte, don't you see him? Ask him to + introduce you. But hurry up, he seems to be just going!" + </p> + <p> + "Did you notice how dreadfully ill he's looking?" asked the General. + </p> + <p> + "My precious Charles? Ah, he's coming at last; I was beginning to think he + didn't want to see me!" + </p> + <p> + Swann was extremely fond of the Princesse des Laumes, and the sight of her + recalled to him Guermantes, a property close to Combray, and all that + country which he so dearly loved and had ceased to visit, so as not to be + separated from Odette. Slipping into the manner, half-artistic, + half-amorous—with which he could always manage to amuse the Princess—a + manner which came to him quite naturally whenever he dipped for a moment + into the old social atmosphere, and wishing also to express in words, for + his own satisfaction, the longing that he felt for the country: + </p> + <p> + "Ah!" he exclaimed, or rather intoned, in such a way as to be audible at + once to Mme. de Saint-Euverte, to whom he spoke, and to Mme. des Laumes, + for whom he was speaking, "Behold our charming Princess! See, she has come + up on purpose from Guermantes to hear Saint Francis preach to the birds, + and has only just had time, like a dear little tit-mouse, to go and pick a + few little hips and haws and put them in her hair; there are even some + drops of dew upon them still, a little of the hoar-frost which must be + making the Duchess, down there, shiver. It is very pretty indeed, my dear + Princess." + </p> + <p> + "What! The Princess came up on purpose from Guermantes? But that's too + wonderful! I never knew; I'm quite bewildered," Mme. de Saint-Euverte + protested with quaint simplicity, being but little accustomed to Swann's + way of speaking. And then, examining the Princess's headdress, "Why, + you're quite right; it is copied from... what shall I say, not chestnuts, + no,—oh, it's a delightful idea, but how can the Princess have known + what was going to be on my programme? The musicians didn't tell me, even." + </p> + <p> + Swann, who was accustomed, when he was with a woman whom he had kept up + the habit of addressing in terms of gallantry, to pay her delicate + compliments which most other people would not and need not understand, did + not condescend to explain to Mme. de Saint-Euverte that he had been + speaking metaphorically. As for the Princess, she was in fits of laughter, + both because Swann's wit was highly appreciated by her set, and because + she could never hear a compliment addressed to herself without finding it + exquisitely subtle and irresistibly amusing. + </p> + <p> + "Indeed! I'm delighted, Charles, if my little hips and haws meet with your + approval. But tell me, why did you bow to that Cambremer person, are you + also her neighbour in the country?" + </p> + <p> + Mme. de Saint-Euverte, seeing that the Princess seemed quite happy talking + to Swann, had drifted away. + </p> + <p> + "But you are, yourself, Princess!" + </p> + <p> + "I! Why, they must have 'countries' everywhere, those creatures! Don't I + wish I had!" + </p> + <p> + "No, not the Cambremers; her own people. She was a Legrandin, and used to + come to Combray. I don't know whether you are aware that you are Comtesse + de Combray, and that the Chapter owes you a due." + </p> + <p> + "I don't know what the Chapter owes me, but I do know that I'm 'touched' + for a hundred francs, every year, by the Curé, which is a due that I could + very well do without. But surely these Cambremers have rather a startling + name. It ends just in time, but it ends badly!" she said with a laugh. + </p> + <p> + "It begins no better." Swann took the point. + </p> + <p> + "Yes; that double abbreviation!" + </p> + <p> + "Some one very angry and very proper who didn't dare to finish the first + word." + </p> + <p> + "But since he couldn't stop himself beginning the second, he'd have done + better to finish the first and be done with it. We are indulging in the + most refined form of humour, my dear Charles, in the very best of taste—but + how tiresome it is that I never see you now," she went on in a coaxing + tone, "I do so love talking to you. Just imagine, I could not make that + idiot Froberville see that there was anything funny about the name + Cambremer. Do agree that life is a dreadful business. It's only when I see + you that I stop feeling bored." + </p> + <p> + Which was probably not true. But Swann and the Princess had the same way + of looking at the little things of life—the effect, if not the cause + of which was a close analogy between their modes of expression and even of + pronunciation. This similarity was not striking because no two things + could have been more unlike than their voices. But if one took the trouble + to imagine Swann's utterances divested of the sonority that enwrapped + them, of the moustache from under which they emerged, one found that they + were the same phrases, the same inflexions, that they had the 'tone' of + the Guermantes set. On important matters, Swann and the Princess had not + an idea in common. But since Swann had become so melancholy, and was + always in that trembling condition which precedes a flood of tears, he had + the same need to speak about his grief that a murderer has to tell some + one about his crime. And when he heard the Princess say that life was a + dreadful business, he felt as much comforted as if she had spoken to him + of Odette. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, life is a dreadful business! We must meet more often, my dear + friend. What is so nice about you is that you are not cheerful. We could + spend a most pleasant evening together." + </p> + <p> + "I'm sure we could; why not come down to Guermantes? My mother-in-law + would be wild with joy. It's supposed to be very ugly down there, but I + must say, I find the neighborhood not at all unattractive; I have a horror + of 'picturesque spots'." + </p> + <p> + "I know it well, it's delightful!" replied Swann. "It's almost too + beautiful, too much alive for me just at present; it's a country to be + happy in. It's perhaps because I have lived there, but things there speak + to me so. As soon as a breath of wind gets up, and the cornfields begin to + stir, I feel that some one is going to appear suddenly, that I am going to + hear some news; and those little houses by the water's edge... I should be + quite wretched!" + </p> + <p> + "Oh! my dearest Charles, do take care; there's that appalling Rampillon + woman; she's seen me; hide me somewhere, do tell me again, quickly, what + it was that happened to her; I get so mixed up; she's just married off her + daughter, or her lover (I never can remember),—perhaps both—to + each other! Oh, no, I remember now, she's been dropped by her Prince... + Pretend to be talking, so that the poor old Berenice sha'n't come and + invite me to dinner. Anyhow, I'm going. Listen, my dearest Charles, now + that I have seen you, once in a blue moon, won't you let me carry you off + and take you to the Princesse de Parme's, who would be so pleased to see + you (you know), and Basin too, for that matter; he's meeting me there. If + one didn't get news of you, sometimes, from Mémé... Remember, I never see + you at all now!" + </p> + <p> + Swann declined. Having told M. de Charlus that, on leaving Mme. de + Saint-Euverte's, he would go straight home, he did not care to run the + risk, by going on now to the Princesse de Parme's, of missing a message + which he had, all the time, been hoping to see brought in to him by one of + the footmen, during the party, and which he was perhaps going to find left + with his own porter, at home. + </p> + <p> + "Poor Swann," said Mme. des Laumes that night to her husband; "he is + always charming, but he does look so dreadfully unhappy. You will see for + yourself, for he has promised to dine with us one of these days. I do feel + that it's really absurd that a man of his intelligence should let himself + be made to suffer by a creature of that kind, who isn't even interesting, + for they tell me, she's an absolute idiot!" she concluded with the wisdom + invariably shewn by people who, not being in love themselves, feel that a + clever man ought to be unhappy only about such persons as are worth his + while; which is rather like being astonished that anyone should condescend + to die of cholera at the bidding of so insignificant a creature as the + common bacillus. + </p> + <p> + Swann now wished to go home, but, just as he was making his escape, + General de Froberville caught him and asked for an introduction to Mme. de + Cambremer, and he was obliged to go back into the room to look for her. + </p> + <p> + "I say, Swann, I'd rather be married to that little woman than killed by + savages, what do you say?" + </p> + <p> + The words 'killed by savages' pierced Swann's aching heart; and at once he + felt the need of continuing the conversation. "Ah!" he began, "some fine + lives have been lost in that way... There was, you remember, that explorer + whose remains Dumont d'Urville brought back, La Pérouse..." (and he was at + once happy again, as though he had named Odette). "He was a fine + character, and interests me very much, does La Pérouse," he ended sadly. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, yes, of course, La Pérouse," said the General. "It's quite a + well-known name. There's a street called that." + </p> + <p> + "Do you know anyone in the Rue La Pérouse?" asked Swann excitedly. + </p> + <p> + "Only Mme. de Chanlivault, the sister of that good fellow Chaussepierre. + She gave a most amusing theatre-party the other evening. That's a house + that will be really smart some day, you'll see!" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, so she lives in the Rue La Pérouse. It's attractive; I like that + street; it's so sombre." + </p> + <p> + "Indeed it isn't. You can't have been in it for a long time; it's not at + all sombre now; they're beginning to build all round there." + </p> + <p> + When Swann did finally introduce M. de Froberville to the young Mme. de + Cambremer, since it was the first time that she had heard the General's + name, she hastily outlined upon her lips the smile of joy and surprise + with which she would have greeted him if she had never, in the whole of + her life, heard anything else; for, as she did not yet know all the + friends of her new family, whenever anyone was presented to her, she + assumed that he must be one of them, and thinking that she would shew her + tact by appearing to have heard 'such a lot about him' since her marriage, + she would hold out her hand with an air of hesitation which was meant as a + proof at once of the inculcated reserve which she had to overcome and of + the spontaneous friendliness which successfully overcame it. And so her + parents-in-law, whom she still regarded as the most eminent pair in + France, declared that she was an angel; all the more that they preferred + to appear, in marrying her to their son, to have yielded to the attraction + rather of her natural charm than of her considerable fortune. + </p> + <p> + "It's easy to see that you're a musician heart and soul, Madame," said the + General, alluding to the incident of the candle. + </p> + <p> + Meanwhile the concert had begun again, and Swann saw that he could not now + go before the end of the new number. He suffered greatly from being shut + up among all these people whose stupidity and absurdities wounded him all + the more cruelly since, being ignorant of his love, incapable, had they + known of it, of taking any interest, or of doing more than smile at it as + at some childish joke, or deplore it as an act of insanity, they made it + appear to him in the aspect of a subjective state which existed for + himself alone, whose reality there was nothing external to confirm; he + suffered overwhelmingly, to the point at which even the sound of the + instruments made him want to cry, from having to prolong his exile in this + place to which Odette would never come, in which no one, nothing was aware + of her existence, from which she was entirely absent. + </p> + <p> + But suddenly it was as though she had entered, and this apparition tore + him with such anguish that his hand rose impulsively to his heart. What + had happened was that the violin had risen to a series of high notes, on + which it rested as though expecting something, an expectancy which it + prolonged without ceasing to hold on to the notes, in the exaltation with + which it already saw the expected object approaching, and with a desperate + effort to continue until its arrival, to welcome it before itself expired, + to keep the way open for a moment longer, with all its remaining strength, + that the stranger might enter in, as one holds a door open that would + otherwise automatically close. And before Swann had had time to understand + what was happening, to think: "It is the little phrase from Vinteuil's + sonata. I mustn't listen!", all his memories of the days when Odette had + been in love with him, which he had succeeded, up till that evening, in + keeping invisible in the depths of his being, deceived by this sudden + reflection of a season of love, whose sun, they supposed, had dawned + again, had awakened from their slumber, had taken wing and risen to sing + maddeningly in his ears, without pity for his present desolation, the + forgotten strains of happiness. + </p> + <p> + In place of the abstract expressions "the time when I was happy," "the + time when I was loved," which he had often used until then, and without + much suffering, for his intelligence had not embodied in them anything of + the past save fictitious extracts which preserved none of the reality, he + now recovered everything that had fixed unalterably the peculiar, volatile + essence of that lost happiness; he could see it all; the snowy, curled + petals of the chrysanthemum which she had tossed after him into his + carriage, which he had kept pressed to his lips, the address 'Maison + Dorée,' embossed on the note-paper on which he had read "My hand trembles + so as I write to you," the frowning contraction of her eyebrows when she + said pleadingly: "You won't let it be very long before you send for me?"; + he could smell the heated iron of the barber whom he used to have in to + singe his hair while Loredan went to fetch the little working girl; could + feel the torrents of rain which fell so often that spring, the ice-cold + homeward drive in his victoria, by moonlight; all the network of mental + habits, of seasonable impressions, of sensory reactions, which had + extended over a series of weeks its uniform meshes, by which his body now + found itself inextricably held. At that time he had been satisfying a + sensual curiosity to know what were the pleasures of those people who + lived for love alone. He had supposed that he could stop there, that he + would not be obliged to learn their sorrows also; how small a thing the + actual charm of Odette was now in comparison with that formidable terror + which extended it like a cloudy halo all around her, that enormous anguish + of not knowing at every hour of the day and night what she had been doing, + of not possessing her wholly, at all times and in all places! Alas, he + recalled the accents in which she had exclaimed: "But I can see you at any + time; I am always free!"—she, who was never free now; the interest, + the curiosity that she had shewn in his life, her passionate desire that + he should do her the favour—of which it was he who, then, had felt + suspicious, as of a possibly tedious waste of his time and disturbance of + his arrangements—of granting her access to his study; how she had + been obliged to beg that he would let her take him to the Verdurins'; and, + when he did allow her to come to him once a month, how she had first, + before he would let himself be swayed, had to repeat what a joy it would + be to her, that custom of their seeing each other daily, for which she had + longed at a time when to him it had seemed only a tiresome distraction, + for which, since that time, she had conceived a distaste and had + definitely broken herself of it, while it had become for him so + insatiable, so dolorous a need. Little had he suspected how truly he spoke + when, on their third meeting, as she repeated: "But why don't you let me + come to you oftener?" he had told her, laughing, and in a vein of + gallantry, that it was for fear of forming a hopeless passion. Now, alas, + it still happened at times that she wrote to him from a restaurant or + hotel, on paper which bore a printed address, but printed in letters of + fire that seared his heart. "Written from the Hôtel Vouillemont. What on + earth can she have gone there for? With whom? What happened there?" He + remembered the gas-jets that were being extinguished along the Boulevard + des Italiens when he had met her, when all hope was gone among the errant + shades upon that night which had seemed to him almost supernatural and + which now (that night of a period when he had not even to ask himself + whether he would be annoying her by looking for her and by finding her, so + certain was he that she knew no greater happiness than to see him and to + let him take her home) belonged indeed to a mysterious world to which one + never may return again once its doors are closed. And Swann could + distinguish, standing, motionless, before that scene of happiness in which + it lived again, a wretched figure which filled him with such pity, because + he did not at first recognise who it was, that he must lower his head, + lest anyone should observe that his eyes were filled with tears. It was + himself. + </p> + <p> + When he had realised this, his pity ceased; he was jealous, now, of that + other self whom she had loved, he was jealous of those men of whom he had + so often said, without much suffering: "Perhaps she's in love with them," + now that he had exchanged the vague idea of loving, in which there is no + love, for the petals of the chrysanthemum and the 'letter-heading' of the + Maison d'Or; for they were full of love. And then, his anguish becoming + too keen, he passed his hand over his forehead, let the monocle drop from + his eye, and wiped its glass. And doubtless, if he had caught sight of + himself at that moment, he would have added to the collection of the + monocles which he had already identified, this one which he removed, like + an importunate, worrying thought, from his head, while from its misty + surface, with his handkerchief, he sought to obliterate his cares. + </p> + <p> + There are in the music of the violin—if one does not see the + instrument itself, and so cannot relate what one hears to its form, which + modifies the fullness of the sound—accents which are so closely akin + to those of certain contralto voices, that one has the illusion that a + singer has taken her place amid the orchestra. One raises one's eyes; one + sees only the wooden case, magical as a Chinese box; but, at moments, one + is still tricked by the deceiving appeal of the Siren; at times, too, one + believes that one is listening to a captive spirit, struggling in the + darkness of its masterful box, a box quivering with enchantment, like a + devil immersed in a stoup of holy water; sometimes, again, it is in the + air, at large, like a pure and supernatural creature that reveals to the + ear, as it passes, its invisible message. + </p> + <p> + As though the musicians were not nearly so much playing the little phrase + as performing the rites on which it insisted before it would consent to + appear, as proceeding to utter the incantations necessary to procure, and + to prolong for a few moments, the miracle of its apparition, Swann, who + was no more able now to see it than if it had belonged to a world of + ultra-violet light, who experienced something like the refreshing sense of + a metamorphosis in the momentary blindness with which he had been struck + as he approached it, Swann felt that it was present, like a protective + goddess, a confidant of his love, who, so as to be able to come to him + through the crowd, and to draw him aside to speak to him, had disguised + herself in this sweeping cloak of sound. And as she passed him, light, + soothing, as softly murmured as the perfume of a flower, telling him what + she had to say, every word of which he closely scanned, sorry to see them + fly away so fast, he made involuntarily with his lips the motion of + kissing, as it went by him, the harmonious, fleeting form. + </p> + <p> + He felt that he was no longer in exile and alone since she, who addressed + herself to him, spoke to him in a whisper of Odette. For he had no longer, + as of old, the impression that Odette and he were not known to the little + phrase. Had it not often been the witness of their joys? True that, as + often, it had warned him of their frailty. And indeed, whereas, in that + distant time, he had divined an element of suffering in its smile, in its + limpid and disillusioned intonation, to-night he found there rather the + charm of a resignation that was almost gay. Of those sorrows, of which the + little phrase had spoken to him then, which he had seen it—without + his being touched by them himself—carry past him, smiling, on its + sinuous and rapid course, of those sorrows which were now become his own, + without his having any hope of being, ever, delivered from them, it seemed + to say to him, as once it had said of his happiness: "What does all that + matter; it is all nothing." And Swann's thoughts were borne for the first + time on a wave of pity and tenderness towards that Vinteuil, towards that + unknown, exalted brother who also must have suffered so greatly; what + could his life have been? From the depths of what well of sorrow could he + have drawn that god-like strength, that unlimited power of creation? + </p> + <p> + When it was the little phrase that spoke to him of the vanity of his + sufferings, Swann found a sweetness in that very wisdom which, but a + little while back, had seemed to him intolerable when he thought that he + could read it on the faces of indifferent strangers, who would regard his + love as a digression that was without importance. 'Twas because the little + phrase, unlike them, whatever opinion it might hold on the short duration + of these states of the soul, saw in them something not, as everyone else + saw, less serious than the events of everyday life, but, on the contrary, + so far superior to everyday life as to be alone worthy of the trouble of + expressing it. Those graces of an intimate sorrow, 'twas them that the + phrase endeavoured to imitate, to create anew; and even their essence, for + all that it consists in being incommunicable and in appearing trivial to + everyone save him who has experience of them, the little phrase had + captured, had rendered visible. So much so that it made their value be + confessed, their divine sweetness be tasted by all those same onlookers—provided + only that they were in any sense musical—who, the next moment, would + ignore, would disown them in real life, in every individual love that came + into being beneath their eyes. Doubtless the form in which it had codified + those graces could not be analysed into any logical elements. But ever + since, more than a year before, discovering to him many of the riches of + his own soul, the love of music had been born, and for a time at least had + dwelt in him, Swann had regarded musical <i>motifs</i> as actual ideas, of + another world, of another order, ideas veiled in shadows, unknown, + impenetrable by the human mind, which none the less were perfectly + distinct one from another, unequal among themselves in value and in + significance. When, after that first evening at the Verdurins', he had had + the little phrase played over to him again, and had sought to disentangle + from his confused impressions how it was that, like a perfume or a caress, + it swept over and enveloped him, he had observed that it was to the + closeness of the intervals between the five notes which composed it and to + the constant repetition of two of them that was due that impression of a + frigid, a contracted sweetness; but in reality he knew that he was basing + this conclusion not upon the phrase itself, but merely upon certain + equivalents, substituted (for his mind's convenience) for the mysterious + entity of which he had become aware, before ever he knew the Verdurins, at + that earlier party, when for the first time he had heard the sonata + played. He knew that his memory of the piano falsified still further the + perspective in which he saw the music, that the field open to the musician + is not a miserable stave of seven notes, but an immeasurable keyboard + (still, almost all of it, unknown), on which, here and there only, + separated by the gross darkness of its unexplored tracts, some few among + the millions of keys, keys of tenderness, of passion, of courage, of + serenity, which compose it, each one differing from all the rest as one + universe differs from another, have been discovered by certain great + artists who do us the service, when they awaken in us the emotion + corresponding to the theme which they have found, of shewing us what + richness, what variety lies hidden, unknown to us, in that great black + impenetrable night, discouraging exploration, of our soul, which we have + been content to regard as valueless and waste and void. Vinteuil had been + one of those musicians. In his little phrase, albeit it presented to the + mind's eye a clouded surface, there was contained, one felt, a matter so + consistent, so explicit, to which the phrase gave so new, so original a + force, that those who had once heard it preserved the memory of it in the + treasure-chamber of their minds. Swann would repair to it as to a + conception of love and happiness, of which at once he knew as well in what + respects it was peculiar as he would know of the <i>Princesse de Clèves</i>, + or of <i>René</i>, should either of those titles occur to him. Even when + he was not thinking of the little phrase, it existed, latent, in his mind, + in the same way as certain other conceptions without material equivalent, + such as our notions of light, of sound, of perspective, of bodily desire, + the rich possessions wherewith our inner temple is diversified and + adorned. Perhaps we shall lose them, perhaps they will be obliterated, if + we return to nothing in the dust. But so long as we are alive, we can no + more bring ourselves to a state in which we shall not have known them than + we can with regard to any material object, than we can, for example, doubt + the luminosity of a lamp that has just been lighted, in view of the + changed aspect of everything in the room, from which has vanished even the + memory of the darkness. In that way Vinteuil's phrase, like some theme, + say, in <i>Tristan</i>, which represents to us also a certain acquisition + of sentiment, has espoused our mortal state, had endued a vesture of + humanity that was affecting enough. Its destiny was linked, for the + future, with that of the human soul, of which it was one of the special, + the most distinctive ornaments. Perhaps it is not-being that is the true + state, and all our dream of life is without existence; but, if so, we feel + that it must be that these phrases of music, these conceptions which exist + in relation to our dream, are nothing either. We shall perish, but we have + for our hostages these divine captives who shall follow and share our + fate. And death in their company is something less bitter, less + inglorious, perhaps even less certain. + </p> + <p> + So Swann was not mistaken in believing that the phrase of the sonata did, + really, exist. Human as it was from this point of view, it belonged, none + the less, to an order of supernatural creatures whom we have never seen, + but whom, in spite of that, we recognise and acclaim with rapture when + some explorer of the unseen contrives to coax one forth, to bring it down + from that divine world to which he has access to shine for a brief moment + in the firmament of ours. This was what Vinteuil had done for the little + phrase. Swann felt that the composer had been content (with the musical + instruments at his disposal) to draw aside its veil, to make it visible, + following and respecting its outlines with a hand so loving, so prudent, + so delicate and so sure, that the sound altered at every moment, blunting + itself to indicate a shadow, springing back into life when it must follow + the curve of some more bold projection. And one proof that Swann was not + mistaken when he believed in the real existence of this phrase, was that + anyone with an ear at all delicate for music would at once have detected + the imposture had Vinteuil, endowed with less power to see and to render + its forms, sought to dissemble (by adding a line, here and there, of his + own invention) the dimness of his vision or the feebleness of his hand. + </p> + <p> + The phrase had disappeared. Swann knew that it would come again at the end + of the last movement, after a long passage which Mme. Verdurin's pianist + always 'skipped.' There were in this passage some admirable ideas which + Swann had not distinguished on first hearing the sonata, and which he now + perceived, as if they had, in the cloakroom of his memory, divested + themselves of their uniform disguise of novelty. Swann listened to all the + scattered themes which entered into the composition of the phrase, as its + premises enter into the inevitable conclusion of a syllogism; he was + assisting at the mystery of its birth. "Audacity," he exclaimed to + himself, "as inspired, perhaps, as a Lavoisier's or an Ampere's, the + audacity of a Vinteuil making experiment, discovering the secret laws that + govern an unknown force, driving across a region unexplored towards the + one possible goal the invisible team in which he has placed his trust and + which he never may discern!" How charming the dialogue which Swann now + heard between piano and violin, at the beginning of the last passage. The + suppression of human speech, so far from letting fancy reign there + uncontrolled (as one might have thought), had eliminated it altogether. + Never was spoken language of such inflexible necessity, never had it known + questions so pertinent, such obvious replies. At first the piano + complained alone, like a bird deserted by its mate; the violin heard and + answered it, as from a neighbouring tree. It was as at the first beginning + of the world, as if there were not yet but these twain upon the earth, or + rather in this world closed against all the rest, so fashioned by the + logic of its creator that in it there should never be any but themselves; + the world of this sonata. Was it a bird, was it the soul, not yet made + perfect, of the little phrase, was it a fairy, invisibly somewhere + lamenting, whose plaint the piano heard and tenderly repeated? Its cries + were so sudden that the violinist must snatch up his bow and race to catch + them as they came. Marvellous bird! The violinist seemed to wish to charm, + to tame, to woo, to win it. Already it had passed into his soul, already + the little phrase which it evoked shook like a medium's the body of the + violinist, 'possessed' indeed. Swann knew that the phrase was going to + speak to him once again. And his personality was now so divided that the + strain of waiting for the imminent moment when he would find himself face + to face, once more, with the phrase, convulsed him in one of those sobs + which a fine line of poetry or a piece of alarming news will wring from + us, not when we are alone, but when we repeat one or the other to a + friend, in whom we see ourselves reflected, like a third person, whose + probable emotion softens him. It reappeared, but this time to remain + poised in the air, and to sport there for a moment only, as though + immobile, and shortly to expire. And so Swann lost nothing of the precious + time for which it lingered. It was still there, like an iridescent bubble + that floats for a while unbroken. As a rainbow, when its brightness fades, + seems to subside, then soars again and, before it is extinguished, is + glorified with greater splendour than it has ever shewn; so to the two + colours which the phrase had hitherto allowed to appear it added others + now, chords shot with every hue in the prism, and made them sing. Swann + dared not move, and would have liked to compel all the other people in the + room to remain still also, as if the slightest movement might embarrass + the magic presence, supernatural, delicious, frail, that would so easily + vanish. But no one, as it happened, dreamed of speaking. The ineffable + utterance of one solitary man, absent, perhaps dead (Swann did not know + whether Vinteuil were still alive), breathed out above the rites of those + two hierophants, sufficed to arrest the attention of three hundred minds, + and made of that stage on which a soul was thus called into being one of + the noblest altars on which a supernatural ceremony could be performed. It + followed that, when the phrase at last was finished, and only its + fragmentary echoes floated among the subsequent themes which had already + taken its place, if Swann at first was annoyed to see the Comtesse de + Monteriender, famed for her imbecilities, lean over towards him to confide + in him her impressions, before even the sonata had come to an end; he + could not refrain from smiling, and perhaps also found an underlying + sense, which she was incapable of perceiving, in the words that she used. + Dazzled by the virtuosity of the performers, the Comtesse exclaimed to + Swann: "It's astonishing! I have never seen anything to beat it..." But a + scrupulous regard for accuracy making her correct her first assertion, she + added the reservation: "anything to beat it... since the table-turning!" + </p> + <p> + From that evening, Swann understood that the feeling which Odette had once + had for him would never revive, that his hopes of happiness would not be + realised now. And the days on which, by a lucky chance, she had once more + shewn herself kind and loving to him, or if she had paid him any + attention, he recorded those apparent and misleading signs of a slight + movement on her part towards him with the same tender and sceptical + solicitude, the desperate joy that people reveal who, when they are + nursing a friend in the last days of an incurable malady, relate, as + significant facts of infinite value: "Yesterday he went through his + accounts himself, and actually corrected a mistake that we had made in + adding them up; he ate an egg to-day and seemed quite to enjoy it, if he + digests it properly we shall try him with a cutlet to-morrow,"—although + they themselves know that these things are meaningless on the eve of an + inevitable death. No doubt Swann was assured that if he had now been + living at a distance from Odette he would gradually have lost all interest + in her, so that he would have been glad to learn that she was leaving + Paris for ever; he would have had the courage to remain there; but he had + not the courage to go. + </p> + <p> + He had often thought of going. Now that he was once again at work upon his + essay on Vermeer, he wanted to return, for a few days at least, to The + Hague, to Dresden, to Brunswick. He was certain that a 'Toilet of Diana' + which had been acquired by the Mauritshuis at the Goldschmidt sale as a + Nicholas Maes was in reality a Vermeer. And he would have liked to be able + to examine the picture on the spot, so as to strengthen his conviction. + But to leave Paris while Odette was there, and even when she was not there—for + in strange places where our sensations have not been numbed by habit, we + refresh, we revive an old pain—was for him so cruel a project that + he felt himself to be capable of entertaining it incessantly in his mind + only because he knew himself to be resolute in his determination never to + put it into effect. But it would happen that, while he was asleep, the + intention to travel would reawaken in him (without his remembering that + this particular tour was impossible) and would be realised. One night he + dreamed that he was going away for a year; leaning from the window of the + train towards a young man on the platform who wept as he bade him + farewell, he was seeking to persuade this young man to come away also. The + train began to move; he awoke in alarm, and remembered that he was not + going away, that he would see Odette that evening, and next day and almost + every day. And then, being still deeply moved by his dream, he would thank + heaven for those special circumstances which made him independent, thanks + to which he could remain in Odette's vicinity, and could even succeed in + making her allow him to see her sometimes; and, counting over the list of + his advantages: his social position—his fortune, from which she + stood too often in need of assistance not to shrink from the prospect of a + definite rupture (having even, so people said, an ulterior plan of getting + him to marry her)—his friendship with M. de Charlus, which, it must + be confessed, had never won him any very great favour from Odette, but + which gave him the pleasant feeling that she was always hearing + complimentary things said about him by this common friend for whom she had + so great an esteem—and even his own intelligence, the whole of which + he employed in weaving, every day, a fresh plot which would make his + presence, if not agreeable, at any rate necessary to Odette—he + thought of what might have happened to him if all these advantages had + been lacking, he thought that, if he had been, like so many other men, + poor and humble, without resources, forced to undertake any task that + might be offered to him, or tied down by parents or by a wife, he might + have been obliged to part from Odette, that that dream, the terror of + which was still so recent, might well have been true; and he said to + himself: "People don't know when they are happy. They're never so unhappy + as they think they are." But he reflected that this existence had lasted + already for several years, that all that he could now hope for was that it + should last for ever, that he would sacrifice his work, his pleasures, his + friends, in fact the whole of his life to the daily expectation of a + meeting which, when it occurred, would bring him no happiness; and he + asked himself whether he was not mistaken, whether the circumstances that + had favoured their relations and had prevented a final rupture had not + done a disservice to his career, whether the outcome to be desired was not + that as to which he rejoiced that it happened only in dreams—his own + departure; and he said to himself that people did not know when they were + unhappy, that they were never so happy as they supposed. + </p> + <p> + Sometimes he hoped that she would die, painlessly, in some accident, she + who was out of doors in the streets, crossing busy thoroughfares, from + morning to night. And as she always returned safe and sound, he marvelled + at the strength, at the suppleness of the human body, which was able + continually to hold in check, to outwit all the perils that environed it + (which to Swann seemed innumerable, since his own secret desire had strewn + them in her path), and so allowed its occupant, the soul, to abandon + itself, day after day, and almost with impunity, to its career of + mendacity, to the pursuit of pleasure. And Swann felt a very cordial + sympathy with that Mahomet II whose portrait by Bellini he admired, who, + on finding that he had fallen madly in love with one of his wives, stabbed + her, in order, as his Venetian biographer artlessly relates, to recover + his spiritual freedom. Then he would be ashamed of thinking thus only of + himself, and his own sufferings would seem to deserve no pity now that he + himself was disposing so cheaply of Odette's very life. + </p> + <p> + Since he was unable to separate himself from her without a subsequent + return, if at least he had seen her continuously and without separations + his grief would ultimately have been assuaged, and his love would, + perhaps, have died. And from the moment when she did not wish to leave + Paris for ever he had hoped that she would never go. As he knew that her + one prolonged absence, every year, was in August and September, he had + abundant opportunity, several months in advance, to dissociate from it the + grim picture of her absence throughout Eternity which was lodged in him by + anticipation, and which, consisting of days closely akin to the days + through which he was then passing, floated in a cold transparency in his + mind, which it saddened and depressed, though without causing him any + intolerable pain. But that conception of the future, that flowing stream, + colourless and unconfined, a single word from Odette sufficed to penetrate + through all Swann's defences, and like a block of ice immobilised it, + congealed its fluidity, made it freeze altogether; and Swann felt himself + suddenly filled with an enormous and unbreakable mass which pressed on the + inner walls of his consciousness until he was fain to burst asunder; for + Odette had said casually, watching him with a malicious smile: + "Forcheville is going for a fine trip at Whitsuntide. He's going to + Egypt!" and Swann had at once understood that this meant: "I am going to + Egypt at Whitsuntide with Forcheville." And, in fact, if, a few days + later, Swann began: "About that trip that you told me you were going to + take with Forcheville," she would answer carelessly: "Yes, my dear boy, + we're starting on the 19th; we'll send you a 'view' of the Pyramids." Then + he was determined to know whether she was Forcheville's mistress, to ask + her point-blank, to insist upon her telling him. He knew that there were + some perjuries which, being so superstitious, she would not commit, and + besides, the fear, which had hitherto restrained his curiosity, of making + Odette angry if he questioned her, of making himself odious, had ceased to + exist now that he had lost all hope of ever being loved by her. + </p> + <p> + One day he received an anonymous letter which told him that Odette had + been the mistress of countless men (several of whom it named, among them + Forcheville, M. de Bréauté and the painter) and women, and that she + frequented houses of ill-fame. He was tormented by the discovery that + there was to be numbered among his friends a creature capable of sending + him such a letter (for certain details betrayed in the writer a + familiarity with his private life). He wondered who it could be. But he + had never had any suspicion with regard to the unknown actions of other + people, those which had no visible connection with what they said. And + when he wanted to know whether it was rather beneath the apparent + character of M. de Charlus, or of M. des Laumes, or of M. d'Orsan that he + must place the untravelled region in which this ignoble action might have + had its birth; as none of these men had ever, in conversation with Swann, + suggested that he approved of anonymous letters, and as everything that + they had ever said to him implied that they strongly disapproved, he saw + no further reason for associating this infamy with the character of any + one of them more than with the rest. M. de Charlus was somewhat inclined + to eccentricity, but he was fundamentally good and kind; M. des Laumes was + a trifle dry, but wholesome and straight. As for M. d'Orsan, Swann had + never met anyone who, even in the most depressing circumstances, would + come to him with a more heartfelt utterance, would act more properly or + with more discretion. So much so that he was unable to understand the + rather indelicate part commonly attributed to M. d'Orsan in his relations + with a certain wealthy woman, and that whenever he thought of him he was + obliged to set that evil reputation on one side, as irreconcilable with so + many unmistakable proofs of his genuine sincerity and refinement. For a + moment Swann felt that his mind was becoming clouded, and he thought of + something else so as to recover a little light; until he had the courage + to return to those other reflections. But then, after not having been able + to suspect anyone, he was forced to suspect everyone that he knew. After + all, M. de Charlus might be most fond of him, might be most good-natured; + but he was a neuropath; to-morrow, perhaps, he would burst into tears on + hearing that Swann was ill; and to-day, from jealousy, or in anger, or + carried away by some sudden idea, he might have wished to do him a + deliberate injury. Really, that kind of man was the worst of all. The + Prince des Laumes was, certainly, far less devoted to Swann than was M. de + Charlus. But for that very reason he had not the same susceptibility with + regard to him; and besides, his was a nature which, though, no doubt, it + was cold, was as incapable of a base as of a magnanimous action. Swann + regretted that he had formed no attachments in his life except to such + people. Then he reflected that what prevents men from doing harm to their + neighbours is fellow-feeling, that he could not, in the last resort, + answer for any but men whose natures were analogous to his own, as was, so + far as the heart went, that of M. de Charlus. The mere thought of causing + Swann so much distress would have been revolting to him. But with a man + who was insensible, of another order of humanity, as was the Prince des + Laumes, how was one to foresee the actions to which he might be led by the + promptings of a different nature? To have a good heart was everything, and + M. de Charlus had one. But M. d'Orsan was not lacking in that either, and + his relations with Swann—cordial, but scarcely intimate, arising + from the pleasure which, as they held the same views about everything, + they found in talking together—were more quiescent than the + enthusiastic affection of M. de Charlus, who was apt to be led into + passionate activity, good or evil. If there was anyone by whom Swann felt + that he had always been understood, and (with delicacy) loved, it was M. + d'Orsan. Yes, but the life he led; it could hardly be called honourable. + Swann regretted that he had never taken any notice of those rumours, that + he himself had admitted, jestingly, that he had never felt so keen a sense + of sympathy, or of respect, as when he was in thoroughly 'detrimental' + society. "It is not for nothing," he now assured himself, "that when + people pass judgment upon their neighbour, their finding is based upon his + actions. It is those alone that are significant, and not at all what we + say or what we think. Charlus and des Laumes may have this or that fault, + but they are men of honour. Orsan, perhaps, has not the same faults, but + he is not a man of honour. He may have acted dishonourably once again." + Then he suspected Rémi, who, it was true, could only have inspired the + letter, but he now felt himself, for a moment, to be on the right track. + To begin with, Loredan had his own reasons for wishing harm to Odette. And + then, how were we not to suppose that our servants, living in a situation + inferior to our own, adding to our fortunes and to our frailties imaginary + riches and vices for which they at once envied and despised us, should not + find themselves led by fate to act in a manner abhorrent to people of our + own class? He also suspected my grandfather. On every occasion when Swann + had asked him to do him any service, had he not invariably declined? + Besides, with his ideas of middle-class respectability, he might have + thought that he was acting for Swann's good. He suspected, in turn, + Bergotte, the painter, the Verdurins; paused for a moment to admire once + again the wisdom of people in society, who refused to mix in the artistic + circles in which such things were possible, were, perhaps, even openly + avowed, as excellent jokes; but then he recalled the marks of honesty that + were to be observed in those Bohemians, and contrasted them with the life + of expedients, often bordering on fraudulence, to which the want of money, + the craving for luxury, the corrupting influence of their pleasures often + drove members of the aristocracy. In a word, this anonymous letter proved + that he himself knew a human being capable of the most infamous conduct, + but he could see no reason why that infamy should lurk in the depths—which + no strange eye might explore—of the warm heart rather than the cold, + the artist's rather than the business-man's, the noble's rather than the + flunkey's. What criterion ought one to adopt, in order to judge one's + fellows? After all, there was not a single one of the people whom he knew + who might not, in certain circumstances, prove capable of a shameful + action. Must he then cease to see them all? His mind grew clouded; he + passed his hands two or three times across his brow, wiped his glasses + with his handkerchief, and remembering that, after all, men who were as + good as himself frequented the society of M. de Charlus, the Prince des + Laumes and the rest, he persuaded himself that this meant, if not that + they were incapable of shameful actions, at least that it was a necessity + in human life, to which everyone must submit, to frequent the society of + people who were, perhaps, not incapable of such actions. And he continued + to shake hands with all the friends whom he had suspected, with the purely + formal reservation that each one of them had, possibly, been seeking to + drive him to despair. As for the actual contents of the letter, they did + not disturb him; for in not one of the charges which it formulated against + Odette could he see the least vestige of fact. Like many other men, Swann + had a naturally lazy mind, and was slow in invention. He knew quite well + as a general truth, that human life is full of contrasts, but in the case + of any one human being he imagined all that part of his or her life with + which he was not familiar as being identical with the part with which he + was. He imagined what was kept secret from him in the light of what was + revealed. At such times as he spent with Odette, if their conversation + turned upon an indelicate act committed, or an indelicate sentiment + expressed by some third person, she would ruthlessly condemn the culprit + by virtue of the same moral principles which Swann had always heard + expressed by his own parents, and to which he himself had remained loyal; + and then, she would arrange her flowers, would sip her tea, would shew an + interest in his work. So Swann extended those habits to fill the rest of + her life, he reconstructed those actions when he wished to form a picture + of the moments in which he and she were apart. If anyone had portrayed her + to him as she was, or rather as she had been for so long with himself, but + had substituted some other man, he would have been distressed, for such a + portrait would have struck him as lifelike. But to suppose that she went + to bad houses, that she abandoned herself to orgies with other women, that + she led the crapulous existence of the most abject, the most contemptible + of mortals—would be an insane wandering of the mind, for the + realisation of which, thank heaven, the chrysanthemums that he could + imagine, the daily cups of tea, the virtuous indignation left neither time + nor place. Only, now and again, he gave Odette to understand that people + maliciously kept him informed of everything that she did; and making + opportune use of some detail—insignificant but true—which he + had accidentally learned, as though it were the sole fragment which he + would allow, in spite of himself, to pass his lips, out of the numberless + other fragments of that complete reconstruction of her daily life which he + carried secretly in his mind, he led her to suppose that he was perfectly + informed upon matters, which, in reality, he neither knew nor suspected, + for if he often adjured Odette never to swerve from or make alteration of + the truth, that was only, whether he realised it or no, in order that + Odette should tell him everything that she did. No doubt, as he used to + assure Odette, he loved sincerity, but only as he might love a pander who + could keep him in touch with the daily life of his mistress. Moreover, his + love of sincerity, not being disinterested, had not improved his + character. The truth which he cherished was that which Odette would tell + him; but he himself, in order to extract that truth from her, was not + afraid to have recourse to falsehood, that very falsehood which he never + ceased to depict to Odette as leading every human creature down to utter + degradation. In a word, he lied as much as did Odette, because, while more + unhappy than she, he was no less egotistical. And she, when she heard him + repeating thus to her the things that she had done, would stare at him + with a look of distrust and, at all hazards, of indignation, so as not to + appear to be humiliated, and to be blushing for her actions. One day, + after the longest period of calm through which he had yet been able to + exist without being overtaken by an attack of jealousy, he had accepted an + invitation to spend the evening at the theatre with the Princesse des + Laumes. Having opened his newspaper to find out what was being played, the + sight of the title—<i>Les Filles de Marbre</i>, by Théodore + Barrière,—struck him so cruel a blow that he recoiled instinctively + from it and turned his head away. Illuminated, as though by a row of + footlights, in the new surroundings in which it now appeared, that word + 'marble,' which he had lost the power to distinguish, so often had it + passed, in print, beneath his eyes, had suddenly become visible once + again, and had at once brought back to his mind the story which Odette had + told him, long ago, of a visit which she had paid to the Salon at the + Palais d'Industrie with Mme. Verdurin, who had said to her, "Take care, + now! I know how to melt you, all right. You're not made of marble." Odette + had assured him that it was only a joke, and he had not attached any + importance to it at the time. But he had had more confidence in her then + than he had now. And the anonymous letter referred explicitly to relations + of that sort. Without daring to lift his eyes to the newspaper, he opened + it, turned the page so as not to see again the words, <i>Filles de Marbre</i>, + and began to read mechanically the news from the provinces. There had been + a storm in the Channel, and damage was reported from Dieppe, Cabourg, + Beuzeval.... Suddenly he recoiled again in horror. + </p> + <p> + The name of Beuzeval had suggested to him that of another place in the + same district, Beuzeville, which carried also, bound to it by a hyphen, a + second name, to wit Bréauté, which he had often seen on maps, but without + ever previously remarking that it was the same name as that borne by his + friend M. de Bréauté, whom the anonymous letter accused of having been + Odette's lover. After all, when it came to M. de Bréauté, there was + nothing improbable in the charge; but so far as Mme. Verdurin was + concerned, it was a sheer impossibility. From the fact that Odette did + occasionally tell a lie, it was not fair to conclude that she never, by + any chance, told the truth, and in these bantering conversations with Mme. + Verdurin which she herself had repeated to Swann, he could recognize those + meaningless and dangerous pleasantries which, in their inexperience of + life and ignorance of vice, women often utter (thereby certifying their + own innocence), who—as, for instance, Odette,—would be the + last people in the world to feel any undue affection for one another. + Whereas, on the other hand, the indignation with which she had scattered + the suspicions which she had unintentionally brought into being, for a + moment, in his mind by her story, fitted in with everything that he knew + of the tastes, the temperament of his mistress. But at that moment, by an + inspiration of jealousy, analogous to the inspiration which reveals to a + poet or a philosopher, who has nothing, so far, but an odd pair of rhymes + or a detached observation, the idea or the natural law which will give + power, mastery to his work, Swann recalled for the first time a remark + which Odette had made to him, at least two years before: "Oh, Mme. + Verdurin, she won't hear of anything just now but me. I'm a 'love,' if you + please, and she kisses me, and wants me to go with her everywhere, and + call her by her Christian name." So far from seeing in these expressions + any connection with the absurd insinuations, intended to create an + atmosphere of vice, which Odette had since repeated to him, he had + welcomed them as a proof of Mme. Verdurin's warm-hearted and generous + friendship. But now this old memory of her affection for Odette had + coalesced suddenly with his more recent memory of her unseemly + conversation. He could no longer separate them in his mind, and he saw + them blended in reality, the affection imparting a certain seriousness and + importance to the pleasantries which, in return, spoiled the affection of + its innocence. He went to see Odette. He sat down, keeping at a distance + from her. He did not dare to embrace her, not knowing whether in her, in + himself, it would be affection or anger that a kiss would provoke. He sat + there silent, watching their love expire. Suddenly he made up his mind. + </p> + <p> + "Odette, my darling," he began, "I know, I am being simply odious, but I + must ask you a few questions. You remember what I once thought about you + and Mme. Verdurin? Tell me, was it true? Have you, with her or anyone + else, ever?" + </p> + <p> + She shook her head, pursing her lips together; a sign which people + commonly employ to signify that they are not going, because it would bore + them to go, when some one has asked, "Are you coming to watch the + procession go by?", or "Will you be at the review?". But this shake of the + head, which is thus commonly used to decline participation in an event + that has yet to come, imparts for that reason an element of uncertainty to + the denial of participation in an event that is past. Furthermore, it + suggests reasons of personal convenience, rather than any definite + repudiation, any moral impossibility. When he saw Odette thus make him a + sign that the insinuation was false, he realised that it was quite + possibly true. + </p> + <p> + "I have told you, I never did; you know quite well," she added, seeming + angry and uncomfortable. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, I know all that; but are you quite sure? Don't say to me, 'You know + quite well'; say, 'I have never done anything of that sort with any + woman.'" + </p> + <p> + She repeated his words like a lesson learned by rote, and as though she + hoped, thereby, to be rid of him: "I have never done anything of that sort + with any woman." + </p> + <p> + "Can you swear it to me on your Laghetto medal?" + </p> + <p> + Swann knew that Odette would never perjure herself on that. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, you do make me so miserable," she cried, with a jerk of her body as + though to shake herself free of the constraint of his question. "Have you + nearly done? What is the matter with you to-day? You seem to have made up + your mind that I am to be forced to hate you, to curse you! Look, I was + anxious to be friends with you again, for us to have a nice time together, + like the old days; and this is all the thanks I get!" + </p> + <p> + However, he would not let her go, but sat there like a surgeon who waits + for a spasm to subside that has interrupted his operation but need not + make him abandon it. + </p> + <p> + "You are quite wrong in supposing that I bear you the least ill-will in + the world, Odette," he began with a persuasive and deceitful gentleness. + "I never speak to you except of what I already know, and I always know a + great deal more than I say. But you alone can mollify by your confession + what makes me hate you so long as it has been reported to me only by other + people. My anger with you is never due to your actions—I can and do + forgive you everything because I love you—but to your + untruthfulness, the ridiculous untruthfulness which makes you persist in + denying things which I know to be true. How can you expect that I shall + continue to love you, when I see you maintain, when I hear you swear to me + a thing which I know to be false? Odette, do not prolong this moment which + is torturing us both. If you are willing to end it at once, you shall be + free of it for ever. Tell me, upon your medal, yes or no, whether you have + ever done those things." + </p> + <p> + "How on earth can I tell?" she was furious. "Perhaps I have, ever so long + ago, when I didn't know what I was doing, perhaps two or three times." + </p> + <p> + Swann had prepared himself for all possibilities. Reality must, therefore, + be something which bears no relation to possibilities, any more than the + stab of a knife in one's body bears to the gradual movement of the clouds + overhead, since those words "two or three times" carved, as it were, a + cross upon the living tissues of his heart. A strange thing, indeed, that + those words, "two or three times," nothing more than a few words, words + uttered in the air, at a distance, could so lacerate a man's heart, as if + they had actually pierced it, could sicken a man, like a poison that he + had drunk. Instinctively Swann thought of the remark that he had heard at + Mme. de Saint-Euverte's: "I have never seen anything to beat it since the + table-turning." The agony that he now suffered in no way resembled what he + had supposed. Not only because, in the hours when he most entirely + mistrusted her, he had rarely imagined such a culmination of evil, but + because, even when he did imagine that offence, it remained vague, + uncertain, was not clothed in the particular horror which had escaped with + the words "perhaps two or three times," was not armed with that specific + cruelty, as different from anything that he had known as a new malady by + which one is attacked for the first time. And yet this Odette, from whom + all this evil sprang, was no less dear to him, was, on the contrary, more + precious, as if, in proportion as his sufferings increased, there + increased at the same time the price of the sedative, of the antidote + which this woman alone possessed. He wished to pay her more attention, as + one attends to a disease which one discovers, suddenly, to have grown more + serious. He wished that the horrible thing which, she had told him, she + had done "two or three times" might be prevented from occurring again. To + ensure that, he must watch over Odette. People often say that, by pointing + out to a man the faults of his mistress, you succeed only in strengthening + his attachment to her, because he does not believe you; yet how much more + so if he does! But, Swann asked himself, how could he manage to protect + her? He might perhaps be able to preserve her from the contamination of + any one woman, but there were hundreds of other women; and he realised how + insane had been his ambition when he had begun (on the evening when he had + failed to find Odette at the Verdurins') to desire the possession—as + if that were ever possible—of another person. Happily for Swann, + beneath the mass of suffering which had invaded his soul like a conquering + horde of barbarians, there lay a natural foundation, older, more placid, + and silently laborious, like the cells of an injured organ which at once + set to work to repair the damaged tissues, or the muscles of a paralysed + limb which tend to recover their former movements. These older, these + autochthonous in-dwellers in his soul absorbed all Swann's strength, for a + while, in that obscure task of reparation which gives one an illusory + sense of repose during convalescence, or after an operation. This time it + was not so much—as it ordinarily was—in Swann's brain that the + slackening of tension due to exhaustion took effect, it was rather in his + heart. But all the things in life that have once existed tend to recur, + and, like a dying animal that is once more stirred by the throes of a + convulsion which was, apparently, ended, upon Swann's heart, spared for a + moment only, the same agony returned of its own accord to trace the same + cross again. He remembered those moonlit evenings, when, leaning back in + the victoria that was taking him to the Rue La Pérouse, he would cultivate + with voluptuous enjoyment the emotions of a man in love, ignorant of the + poisoned fruit that such emotions must inevitably bear. But all those + thoughts lasted for no more than a second, the time that it took him to + raise his hand to his heart, to draw breath again and to contrive to + smile, so as to dissemble his torment. Already he had begun to put further + questions. For his jealousy, which had taken an amount of trouble, such as + no enemy would have incurred, to strike him this mortal blow, to make him + forcibly acquainted with the most cruel pain that he had ever known, his + jealousy was not satisfied that he had yet suffered enough, and sought to + expose his bosom to an even deeper wound. Like an evil deity, his jealousy + was inspiring Swann, was thrusting him on towards destruction. It was not + his fault, but Odette's alone, if at first his punishment was not more + severe. + </p> + <p> + "My darling," he began again, "it's all over now; was it with anyone I + know?" + </p> + <p> + "No, I swear it wasn't; besides, I think I exaggerated, I never really + went as far as that." + </p> + <p> + He smiled, and resumed with: "Just as you like. It doesn't really matter, + but it's unfortunate that you can't give me any name. If I were able to + form an idea of the person that would prevent my ever thinking of her + again. I say it for your own sake, because then I shouldn't bother you any + more about it. It's so soothing to be able to form a clear picture of + things in one's mind. What is really terrible is what one cannot imagine. + But you've been so sweet to me; I don't want to tire you. I do thank you, + with all my heart, for all the good that you have done me. I've quite + finished now. Only one word more: how many times?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Charles! can't you see, you're killing me? It's all ever so long ago. + I've never given it a thought. Anyone would say that you were positively + trying to put those ideas into my head again. And then you'd be a lot + better off!" she concluded, with unconscious stupidity but with + intentional malice. + </p> + <p> + "I only wished to know whether it had been since I knew you. It's only + natural. Did it happen here, ever? You can't give me any particular + evening, so that I can remind myself what I was doing at the time? You + understand, surely, that it's not possible that you don't remember with + whom, Odette, my love." + </p> + <p> + "But I don't know; really, I don't. I think it was in the Bois, one + evening when you came to meet us on the Island. You had been dining with + the Princesse des Laumes," she added, happy to be able to furnish him with + an exact detail, which testified to her veracity. "At the next table there + was a woman whom I hadn't seen for ever so long. She said to me, 'Come + along round behind the rock, there, and look at the moonlight on the + water!' At first I just yawned, and said, 'No, I'm too tired, and I'm + quite happy where I am, thank you.' She swore there'd never been anything + like it in the way of moonlight. 'I've heard that tale before,' I said to + her; you see, I knew quite well what she was after." Odette narrated this + episode almost as if it were a joke, either because it appeared to her to + be quite natural, or because she thought that she was thereby minimising + its importance, or else so as not to appear ashamed. But, catching sight + of Swann's face, she changed her tone, and: + </p> + <p> + "You are a fiend!" she flung at him, "you enjoy tormenting me, making me + tell you lies, just so that you'll leave me in peace." + </p> + <p> + This second blow struck at Swann was even more excruciating than the + first. Never had he supposed it to have been so recent an affair, hidden + from his eyes that had been too innocent to discern it, not in a past + which he had never known, but in evenings which he so well remembered, + which he had lived through with Odette, of which he had supposed himself + to have such an intimate, such an exhaustive knowledge, and which now + assumed, retrospectively, an aspect of cunning and deceit and cruelty. In + the midst of them parted, suddenly, a gaping chasm, that moment on the + Island in the Bois de Boulogne. Without being intelligent, Odette had the + charm of being natural. She had recounted, she had acted the little scene + with so much simplicity that Swann, as he gasped for breath, could vividly + see it: Odette yawning, the "rock there,"... He could hear her answer—alas, + how lightheartedly—"I've heard that tale before!" He felt that she + would tell him nothing more that evening, that no further revelation was + to be expected for the present. He was silent for a time, then said to + her: + </p> + <p> + "My poor darling, you must forgive me; I know, I am hurting you + dreadfully, but it's all over now; I shall never think of it again." + </p> + <p> + But she saw that his eyes remained fixed upon the things that he did not + know, and on that past era of their love, monotonous and soothing in his + memory because it was vague, and now rent, as with a sword-wound, by the + news of that minute on the Island in the Bois, by moonlight, while he was + dining with the Princesse des Laumes. But he had so far acquired the habit + of finding life interesting—of marvelling at the strange discoveries + that there were to be made in it—that even while he was suffering so + acutely that he did not believe it possible to endure such agony for any + length of time, he was saying to himself: "Life is indeed astonishing, and + holds some fine surprises; it appears that vice is far more common than + one has been led to believe. Here is a woman in whom I had absolute + confidence, who looks so simple, so honest, who, in any case, even + allowing that her morals are not strict, seemed quite normal and healthy + in her tastes and inclinations. I receive a most improbable accusation, I + question her, and the little that she admits reveals far more than I could + ever have suspected." But he could not confine himself to these detached + observations. He sought to form an exact estimate of the importance of + what she had just told him, so as to know whether he might conclude that + she had done these things often, and was likely to do them again. He + repeated her words to himself: "I knew quite well what she was after." + "Two or three times." "I've heard that tale before." But they did not + reappear in his memory unarmed; each of them held a knife with which it + stabbed him afresh. For a long time, like a sick man who cannot restrain + himself from attempting, every minute, to make the movement that, he + knows, will hurt him, he kept on murmuring to himself: "I'm quite happy + where I am, thank you," "I've heard that tale before," but the pain was so + intense that he was obliged to stop. He was amazed to find that actions + which he had always, hitherto, judged so lightly, had dismissed, indeed, + with a laugh, should have become as serious to him as a disease which + might easily prove fatal. He knew any number of women whom he could ask to + keep an eye on Odette, but how was he to expect them to adjust themselves + to his new point of view, and not to remain at that which for so long had + been his own, which had always guided him in his voluptuous existence; not + to say to him with a smile: "You jealous monster, wanting to rob other + people of their pleasure!" By what trap-door, suddenly lowered, had he + (who had never found, in the old days, in his love for Odette, any but the + most refined of pleasures) been precipitated into this new circle of hell + from which he could not see how he was ever to escape. Poor Odette! He + wished her no harm. She was but half to blame. Had he not been told that + it was her own mother who had sold her, when she was still little more + than a child, at Nice, to a wealthy Englishman? But what an agonising + truth was now contained for him in those lines of Alfred de Vigny's <i>Journal + d'un Poète</i> which he had previously read without emotion: "When one + feels oneself smitten by love for a woman, one ought to say to oneself, + 'What are 'her surroundings? What has been her life?' All one's future + happiness lies in the answer." Swann was astonished that such simple + phrases, spelt over in his mind as, "I've heard that tale before," or "I + knew quite well what she was after," could cause him so much pain. But he + realised that what he had mistaken for simple phrases were indeed parts of + the panoply which held and could inflict on him the anguish that he had + felt while Odette was telling her story. For it was the same anguish that + he now was feeling afresh. It was no good, his knowing now,—indeed, + it was no good, as time went on, his having partly forgotten and + altogether forgiven the offence—whenever he repeated her words his + old anguish refashioned him as he had been before Odette began to speak: + ignorant, trustful; his merciless jealousy placed him once again, so that + he might be effectively wounded by Odette's admission, in the position of + a man who does not yet know the truth; and after several months this old + story would still dumbfounder him, like a sudden revelation. He marvelled + at the terrible recreative power of his memory. It was only by the + weakening of that generative force, whose fecundity diminishes as age + creeps over one, that he could hope for a relaxation of his torments. But, + as soon as the power that any one of Odette's sentences had to make Swann + suffer seemed to be nearly exhausted, lo and behold another, one of those + to which he had hitherto paid least attention, almost a new sentence, came + to relieve the first, and to strike at him with undiminished force. The + memory of the evening on which he had dined with the Princesse des Laumes + was painful to him, but it was no more than the centre, the core of his + pain. That radiated vaguely round about it, overflowing into all the + preceding and following days. And on whatever point in it he might intend + his memory to rest, it was the whole of that season, during which the + Verdurins had so often gone to dine upon the Island in the Bois, that + sprang back to hurt him. So violently, that by slow degrees the curiosity + which his jealousy was ever exciting in him was neutralised by his fear of + the fresh tortures which he would be inflicting upon himself were he to + satisfy it. He recognised that all the period of Odette's life which had + elapsed before she first met him, a period of which he had never sought to + form any picture in his mind, was not the featureless abstraction which he + could vaguely see, but had consisted of so many definite, dated years, + each crowded with concrete incidents. But were he to learn more of them, + he feared lest her past, now colourless, fluid and supportable, might + assume a tangible, an obscene form, with individual and diabolical + features. And he continued to refrain from seeking a conception of it, not + any longer now from laziness of mind, but from fear of suffering. He hoped + that, some day, he might be able to hear the Island in the Bois, or the + Princesse des Laumes mentioned without feeling any twinge of that old + rending pain; meanwhile he thought it imprudent to provoke Odette into + furnishing him with fresh sentences, with the names of more places and + people and of different events, which, when his malady was still scarcely + healed, would make it break out again in another form. + </p> + <p> + But, often enough, the things that he did not know, that he dreaded, now, + to learn, it was Odette herself who, spontaneously and without thought of + what she did, revealed them to him; for the gap which her vices made + between her actual life and the comparatively innocent life which Swann + had believed, and often still believed his mistress to lead, was far wider + than she knew. A vicious person, always affecting the same air of virtue + before people whom he is anxious to keep from having any suspicion of his + vices, has no register, no gauge at hand from which he may ascertain how + far those vices (their continuous growth being imperceptible by himself) + have gradually segregated him from the normal ways of life. In the course + of their cohabitation, in Odette's mind, with the memory of those of her + actions which she concealed from Swann, her other, her innocuous actions + were gradually coloured, infected by these, without her being able to + detect anything strange in them, without their causing any explosion in + the particular region of herself in which she made them live, but when she + related them to Swann, he was overwhelmed by the revelation of the + duplicity to which they pointed. One day, he was trying—without + hurting Odette—to discover from her whether she had ever had any + dealings with procuresses. He was, as a matter of fact, convinced that she + had not; the anonymous letter had put the idea into his mind, but in a + purely mechanical way; it had been received there with no credulity, but + it had, for all that, remained there, and Swann, wishing to be rid of the + burden—a dead weight, but none the less disturbing—of this + suspicion, hoped that Odette would now extirpate it for ever. + </p> + <p> + "Oh dear, no! Not that they don't simply persecute me to go to them," her + smile revealed a gratified vanity which she no longer saw that it was + impossible should appear legitimate to Swann. "There was one of them + waited more than two hours for me yesterday, said she would give me any + money I asked. It seems, there's an Ambassador who said to her, 'I'll kill + myself if you don't bring her to me'—meaning me! They told her I'd + gone out, but she waited and waited, and in the end I had to go myself and + speak to her, before she'd go away. I do wish you could have seen the way + I tackled her; my maid was in the next room, listening, and told me I + shouted fit to bring the house down:—'But when you hear me say that + I don't want to! The idea of such a thing, I don't like it at all! I + should hope I'm still free to do as I please and when I please and where I + please! If I needed the money, I could understand...' The porter has + orders not to let her in again; he will tell her that I am out of town. + Oh, I do wish I could have had you hidden somewhere in the room while I + was talking to her. I know, you'd have been pleased, my dear. There's some + good in your little Odette, you see, after all, though people do say such + dreadful things about her." + </p> + <p> + Besides, her very admissions—when she made any—of faults which + she supposed him to have discovered, rather served Swann as a + starting-point for fresh doubts than they put an end to the old. For her + admissions never exactly coincided with his doubts. In vain might Odette + expurgate her confession of all its essential part, there would remain in + the accessories something which Swann had never yet imagined, which + crushed him anew, and was to enable him to alter the terms of the problem + of his jealousy. And these admissions he could never forget. His spirit + carried them along, cast them aside, then cradled them again in its bosom, + like corpses in a river. And they poisoned it. + </p> + <p> + She spoke to him once of a visit that Forcheville had paid her on the day + of the Paris-Murcie Fête. "What! you knew him as long ago as that? Oh, + yes, of course you did," he corrected himself, so as not to shew that he + had been ignorant of the fact. And suddenly he began to tremble at the + thought that, on the day of the Paris-Murcie Fête, when he had received + that letter which he had so carefully preserved, she had been having + luncheon, perhaps, with Forcheville at the Maison d'Or. She swore that she + had not. "Still, the Maison d'Or reminds me of something or other which, I + knew at the time, wasn't true," he pursued, hoping to frighten her. "Yes, + that I hadn't been there at all that evening when I told you I had just + come from there, and you had been looking for me at Prévost's," she + replied (judging by his manner that he knew) with a firmness that was + based not so much upon cynicism as upon timidity, a fear of crossing + Swann, which her own self-respect made her anxious to conceal, and a + desire to shew him that she could be perfectly frank if she chose. And so + she struck him with all the sharpness and force of a headsman wielding his + axe, and yet could not be charged with cruelty, since she was quite + unconscious of hurting him; she even began to laugh, though this may + perhaps, it is true, have been chiefly to keep him from thinking that she + was ashamed, at all, or confused. "It's quite true, I hadn't been to the + Maison Dorée. I was coming away from Forcheville's. I had, really, been to + Prévost's—that wasn't a story—and he met me there and asked me + to come in and look at his prints. But some one else came to see him. I + told you that I was coming from the Maison d'Or because I was afraid you + might be angry with me. It was rather nice of me, really, don't you see? I + admit, I did wrong, but at least I'm telling you all about it now, a'n't + I? What have I to gain by not telling you, straight, that I lunched with + him on the day of the Paris-Murcie Fête, if it were true? Especially as at + that time we didn't know one another quite so well as we do now, did we, + dear?" + </p> + <p> + He smiled back at her with the sudden, craven weakness of the utterly + spiritless creature which these crushing words had made of him. And so, + even in the months of which he had never dared to think again, because + they had been too happy, in those months when she had loved him, she was + already lying to him! Besides that moment (that first evening on which + they had "done a cattleya") when she had told him that she was coming from + the Maison Dorée, how many others must there have been, each of them + covering a falsehood of which Swann had had no suspicion. He recalled how + she had said to him once: "I need only tell Mme. Verdurin that my dress + wasn't ready, or that my cab came late. There is always some excuse." From + himself too, probably, many times when she had glibly uttered such words + as explain a delay or justify an alteration of the hour fixed for a + meeting, those moments must have hidden, without his having the least + inkling of it at the time, an engagement that she had had with some other + man, some man to whom she had said: "I need only tell Swann that my dress + wasn't ready, or that my cab came late. There is always some excuse." And + beneath all his most pleasant memories, beneath the simplest words that + Odette had ever spoken to him in those old days, words which he had + believed as though they were the words of a Gospel, beneath her daily + actions which she had recounted to him, beneath the most ordinary places, + her dressmaker's flat, the Avenue du Bois, the Hippodrome, he could feel + (dissembled there, by virtue of that temporal superfluity which, after the + most detailed account of how a day has been spent, always leaves something + over, that may serve as a hiding place for certain unconfessed actions), + he could feel the insinuation of a possible undercurrent of falsehood + which debased for him all that had remained most precious, his happiest + evenings, the Rue La Pérouse itself, which Odette must constantly have + been leaving at other hours than those of which she told him; extending + the power of the dark horror that had gripped him when he had heard her + admission with regard to the Maison Dorée, and, like the obscene creatures + in the 'Desolation of Nineveh,' shattering, stone by stone, the whole + edifice of his past.... If, now, he turned aside whenever his memory + repeated the cruel name of the Maison Dorée it was because that name + recalled to him, no longer, as, such a little time since, at Mme. de + Saint-Euverte's party, the good fortune which he long had lost, but a + misfortune of which he was now first aware. Then it befell the Maison + Dorée, as it had befallen the Island in the Bois, that gradually its name + ceased to trouble him. For what we suppose to be our love, our jealousy + are, neither of them, single, continuous and individual passions. They are + composed of an infinity of successive loves, of different jealousies, each + of which is ephemeral, although by their uninterrupted multitude they give + us the impression of continuity, the illusion of unity. The life of + Swann's love, the fidelity of his jealousy, were formed out of death, of + infidelity, of innumerable desires, innumerable doubts, all of which had + Odette for their object. If he had remained for any length of time without + seeing her, those that died would not have been replaced by others. But + the presence of Odette continued to sow in Swann's heart alternate seeds + of love and suspicion. + </p> + <p> + On certain evenings she would suddenly resume towards him a kindness of + which she would warn him sternly that he must take immediate advantage, + under penalty of not seeing it repeated for years to come; he must + instantly accompany her home, to "do a cattleya," and the desire which she + pretended to have for him was so sudden, so inexplicable, so imperious, + the kisses which she lavished on him were so demonstrative and so + unfamiliar, that this brutal and unnatural fondness made Swann just as + unhappy as any lie or unkind action. One evening when he had thus, in + obedience to her command, gone home with her, and while she was + interspersing her kisses with passionate words, in strange contrast to her + habitual coldness, he thought suddenly that he heard a sound; he rose, + searched everywhere and found nobody, but he had not the courage to return + to his place by her side; whereupon she, in a towering rage, broke a vase, + with "I never can do anything right with you, you impossible person!" And + he was left uncertain whether she had not actually had some man concealed + in the room, whose jealousy she had wished to wound, or else to inflame + his senses. + </p> + <p> + Sometimes he repaired to 'gay' houses, hoping to learn something about + Odette, although he dared not mention her name. "I have a little thing + here, you're sure to like," the 'manageress' would greet him, and he would + stay for an hour or so, talking dolefully to some poor girl who sat there + astonished that he went no further. One of them, who was still quite young + and attractive, said to him once, "Of course, what I should like would be + to find a real friend, then he might be quite certain, I should never go + with any other men again." "Indeed, do you think it possible for a woman + really to be touched by a man's being in love with her, and never to be + unfaithful to him?" asked Swann anxiously. "Why, surely! It all depends on + their characters!" Swann could not help making the same remarks to these + girls as would have delighted the Princesse des Laumes. To the one who was + in search of a friend he said, with a smile: "But how nice of you, you've + put on blue eyes, to go with your sash." "And you too, you've got blue + cuffs on." "What a charming conversation we are having, for a place of + this sort! I'm not boring you, am I; or keeping you?" "No, I've nothing to + do, thank you. If you bored me I should say so. But I love hearing you + talk." "I am highly flattered.... Aren't we behaving prettily?" he asked + the 'manageress,' who had just looked in. "Why, yes, that's just what I + was saying to myself, how sensibly they're behaving! But that's how it is! + People come to my house now, just to talk. The Prince was telling me, only + the other day, that he's far more comfortable here than with his wife. It + seems that, nowadays, all the society ladies are like that; a perfect + scandal, I call it. But I'll leave you in peace now, I know when I'm not + wanted," she ended discreetly, and left Swann with the girl who had the + blue eyes. But presently he rose and said good-bye to her. She had ceased + to interest him. She did not know Odette. + </p> + <p> + The painter having been ill, Dr. Cottard recommended a sea-voyage; + several of the 'faithful' spoke of accompanying him; the Verdurins could + not face the prospect of being left alone in Paris, so first of all + hired, and finally purchased a yacht; thus Odette was constantly going on + a cruise. Whenever she had been away for any length of time, Swann would + feel that he was beginning to detach himself from her, but, as though + this moral distance were proportionate to the physical distance between + them, whenever he heard that Odette had returned to Paris, he could not + rest without seeing her. Once, when they had gone away, as everyone + thought, for a month only, either they succumbed to a series of + temptations, or else M. Verdurin had cunningly arranged everything + beforehand, to please his wife, and disclosed his plans to the 'faithful' + only as time went on; anyhow, from Algiers they flitted to Tunis; then to + Italy, Greece, Constantinople, Asia Minor. They had been absent for + nearly a year, and Swann felt perfectly at ease and almost happy. Albeit + M. Verdurin had endeavoured to persuade the pianist and Dr. Cottard that + their respective aunt and patients had no need of them, and that, in any + event, it was most rash to allow Mme. Cottard to return to Paris, where, + Mme. Verdurin assured him, a revolution had just broken out, he was + obliged to grant them their liberty at Constantinople. And the painter + came home with them. One day, shortly after the return of these four + travellers, Swann, seeing an omnibus approach him, labelled 'Luxembourg,' + and having some business there, had jumped on to it and had found himself + sitting opposite Mme. Cottard, who was paying a round of visits to people + whose 'day' it was, in full review order, with a plume in her hat, a silk + dress, a muff, an umbrella (which would do for a parasol if the rain kept + off), a card-case, and a pair of white gloves fresh from the cleaners. + Wearing these badges of rank, she would, in fine weather, go on foot from + one house to another in the same neighbourhood, but when she had to + proceed to another district, would make use of a transfer-ticket on the + omnibus. For the first minute or two, until the natural courtesy of the + woman broke through the starched surface of the doctor's-wife, not being + certain, either, whether she ought to mention the Verdurins before Swann, + she produced, quite naturally, in her slow and awkward, but not + unattractive voice, which, every now and then, was completely drowned by + the rattling of the omnibus, topics selected from those which she had + picked up and would repeat in each of the score of houses up the stairs + of which she clambered in the course of an afternoon. + </p> + <p> + "I needn't ask you, M. Swann, whether a man so much in the movement as + yourself has been to the Mirlitons, to see the portrait by Machard that + the whole of Paris is running after. Well, and what do you think of it? + Whose camp are you in, those who bless or those who curse? It's the same + in every house in Paris now, no one will speak of anything else but + Machard's portrait; you aren't smart, you aren't really cultured, you + aren't up-to-date unless you give an opinion on Machard's portrait." + </p> + <p> + Swann having replied that he had not seen this portrait, Mme. Cottard was + afraid that she might have hurt his feelings by obliging him to confess + the omission. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, that's quite all right! At least you have the courage to be quite + frank about it. You don't consider yourself disgraced because you haven't + seen Machard's portrait. I do think that so nice of you. Well now, I have + seen it; opinion is divided, you know, there are some people who find it + rather laboured, like whipped cream, they say; but I think it's just + ideal. Of course, she's not a bit like the blue and yellow ladies that our + friend Biche paints. That's quite clear. But I must tell you, perfectly + frankly (you'll think me dreadfully old-fashioned, but I always say just + what I think), that I don't understand his work. I can quite see the good + points there are in his portrait of my husband; oh, dear me, yes; and it's + certainly less odd than most of what he does, but even then he had to give + the poor man a blue moustache! But Machard! Just listen to this now, the + husband of my friend, I am on my way to see at this very moment (which has + given me the very great pleasure of your company), has promised her that, + if he is elected to the Academy (he is one of the Doctor's colleagues), he + will get Machard to paint her portrait. So she's got something to look + forward to! I have another friend who insists that she'd rather have + Leloir. I'm only a wretched Philistine, and I've no doubt Leloir has + perhaps more knowledge of painting even than Machard. But I do think that + the most important thing about a portrait, especially when it's going to + cost ten thousand francs, is that it should be like, and a pleasant + likeness, if you know what I mean." + </p> + <p> + Having exhausted this topic, to which she had been inspired by the + loftiness of her plume, the monogram on her card-case, the little number + inked inside each of her gloves by the cleaner, and the difficulty of + speaking to Swann about the Verdurins, Mme. Cottard, seeing that they had + still a long way to go before they would reach the corner of the Rue + Bonaparte, where the conductor was to set her down, listened to the + promptings of her heart, which counselled other words than these. + </p> + <p> + "Your ears must have been burning," she ventured, "while we were on the + yacht with Mme. Verdurin. We were talking about you all the time." + </p> + <p> + Swann was genuinely astonished, for he supposed that his name was never + uttered in the Verdurins' presence. + </p> + <p> + "You see," Mme. Cottard went on, "Mme. de Crécy was there; need I say + more? When Odette is anywhere it's never long before she begins talking + about you. And you know quite well, it isn't nasty things she says. What! + you don't believe me!" she went on, noticing that Svrann looked sceptical. + And, carried away by the sincerity of her conviction, without putting any + evil meaning into the word, which she used purely in the sense in which + one employs it to speak of the affection that unites a pair of friends: + "Why, she <i>adores</i> you! No, indeed; I'm sure it would never do to say + anything against you when she was about; one would soon be taught one's + place! Whatever we might be doing, if we were looking at a picture, for + instance, she would say, 'If only we had him here, he's the man who could + tell us whether it's genuine or not. There's no one like him for that.' + And all day long she would be saying, 'What can he be doing just now? I do + hope, he's doing a little work! It's too dreadful that a fellow with such + gifts as he has should be so lazy.' (Forgive me, won't you.) 'I can see + him this very moment; he's thinking of us, he's wondering where we are.' + Indeed, she used an expression which I thought very pretty at the time. M. + Verdurin asked her, 'How in the world can you see what he's doing, when + he's a thousand miles away?' And Odette answered, 'Nothing is impossible + to the eye of a friend.' + </p> + <p> + "No, I assure you, I'm not saying it just to flatter you; you have a true + friend in her, such as one doesn't often find. I can tell you, besides, in + case you don't know it, that you're the only one. Mme. Verdurin told me as + much herself on our last day with them (one talks more freely, don't you + know, before a parting), 'I don't say that Odette isn't fond of us, but + anything that we may say to her counts for very little beside what Swann + might say.' Oh, mercy, there's the conductor stopping for me; here have I + been chatting away to you, and would have gone right past the Rue + Bonaparte, and never noticed... Will you be so very kind as to tell me + whether my plume is straight?" + </p> + <p> + And Mme. Cottard withdrew from her muff, to offer it to Swann, a + white-gloved hand from which there floated, with a transfer-ticket, an + atmosphere of fashionable life that pervaded the omnibus, blended with the + harsher fragrance of newly cleaned kid. And Swann felt himself overflowing + with gratitude to her, as well as to Mme. Verdurin (and almost to Odette, + for the feeling that he now entertained for her was no longer tinged with + pain, was scarcely even to be described, now, as love), while from the + platform of the omnibus he followed her with loving eyes, as she gallantly + threaded her way along the Rue Bonaparte, her plume erect, her skirt held + up in one hand, while in the other she clasped her umbrella and her + card-case, so that its monogram could be seen, her muff dancing in the air + before her as she went. + </p> + <p> + To compete with and so to stimulate the moribund feelings that Swann had + for Odette, Mme. Cottard, a wiser physician, in this case, than ever her + husband would have been, had grafted among them others more normal, + feelings of gratitude, of friendship, which in Swann's mind were to make + Odette seem again more human (more like other women, since other women + could inspire the same feelings in him), were to hasten her final + transformation back into that Odette, loved with an undisturbed affection, + who had taken him home one evening after a revel at the painter's, to + drink orangeade with Forcheville, that Odette with whom Swann had + calculated that he might live in happiness. + </p> + <p> + In former times, having often thought with terror that a day must come + when he would cease to be in love with Odette, he had determined to keep a + sharp look-out, and as soon as he felt that love was beginning to escape + him, to cling tightly to it and to hold it back. But now, to the faintness + of his love there corresponded a simultaneous faintness in his desire to + remain her lover. For a man cannot change, that is to say become another + person, while he continues to obey the dictates of the self which he has + ceased to be. Occasionally the name, if it caught his eye in a newspaper, + of one of the men whom he supposed to have been Odette's lovers, + reawakened his jealousy. But it was very slight, and, inasmuch as it + proved to him that he had not completely emerged from that period in which + he had so keenly suffered—though in it he had also known a way of + feeling so intensely happy—and that the accidents of his course + might still enable him to catch an occasional glimpse, stealthily and at a + distance, of its beauties, this jealousy gave him, if anything, an + agreeable thrill, as to the sad Parisian, when he has left Venice behind + him and must return to France, a last mosquito proves that Italy and + summer are still not too remote. But, as a rule, with this particular + period of his life from which he was emerging, when he made an effort, if + not to remain in it, at least to obtain, while still he might, an + uninterrupted view of it, he discovered that already it was too late; he + would have looked back to distinguish, as it might be a landscape that was + about to disappear, that love from which he had departed, but it is so + difficult to enter into a state of complete duality and to present to + oneself the lifelike spectacle of a feeling which one has ceased to + possess, that very soon, the clouds gathering in his brain, he could see + nothing, he would abandon the attempt, would take the glasses from his + nose and wipe them; and he told himself that he would do better to rest + for a little, that there would be time enough later on, and settled back + into his corner with as little curiosity, with as much torpor as the + drowsy traveller who pulls his cap down over his eyes so as to get some + sleep in the railway-carriage that is drawing him, he feels, faster and + faster, out of the country in which he has lived for so long, and which he + vowed that he would not allow to slip away from him without looking out to + bid it a last farewell. Indeed, like the same traveller, if he does not + awake until he has crossed the frontier and is again in France, when Swann + happened to alight, close at hand, upon something which proved that + Forcheville had been Odette's lover, he discovered that it caused him no + pain, that love was now utterly remote, and he regretted that he had had + no warning of the moment in which he had emerged from it for ever. And + just as, before kissing Odette for the first time, he had sought to + imprint upon his memory the face that for so long had been familiar, + before it was altered by the additional memory of their kiss, so he could + have wished—in thought at least—to have been in a position to + bid farewell, while she still existed, to that Odette who had inspired + love in him and jealousy, to that Odette who had caused him so to suffer, + and whom now he would never see again. He was mistaken. He was destined to + see her once again, a few weeks later. It was while he was asleep, in the + twilight of a dream. He was walking with Mme. Verdurin, Dr. Cottard, a + young man in a fez whom he failed to identify, the painter, Odette, + Napoleon III and my grandfather, along a path which followed the line of + the coast, and overhung the sea, now at a great height, now by a few feet + only, so that they were continually going up and down; those of the party + who had reached the downward slope were no longer visible to those who + were still climbing; what little daylight yet remained was failing, and it + seemed as though a black night was immediately to fall on them. Now and + then the waves dashed against the cliff, and Swann could feel on his cheek + a shower of freezing spray. Odette told him to wipe this off, but he could + not, and felt confused and helpless in her company, as well as because he + was in his nightshirt. He hoped that, in the darkness, this might pass + unnoticed; Mme. Verdurin, however, fixed her astonished gaze upon him for + an endless moment, in which he saw her face change its shape, her nose + grow longer, while beneath it there sprouted a heavy moustache. He turned + away to examine Odette; her cheeks were pale, with little fiery spots, her + features drawn and ringed with shadows; but she looked back at him with + eyes welling with affection, ready to detach themselves like tears and to + fall upon his face, and he felt that he loved her so much that he would + have liked to carry her off with him at once. Suddenly Odette turned her + wrist, glanced at a tiny watch, and said: "I must go." She took leave of + everyone, in the same formal manner, without taking Swann aside, without + telling him where they were to meet that evening, or next day. He dared + not ask, he would have liked to follow her, he was obliged, without + turning back in her direction, to answer with a smile some question by + Mme. Verdurin; but his heart was frantically beating, he felt that he now + hated Odette, he would gladly have crushed those eyes which, a moment ago, + he had loved so dearly, have torn the blood into those lifeless cheeks. He + continued to climb with Mme. Verdurin, that is to say that each step took + him farther from Odette, who was going downhill, and in the other + direction. A second passed and it was many hours since she had left him. + The painter remarked to Swann that Napoleon III had eclipsed himself + immediately after Odette. "They had obviously arranged it between them," + he added; "they must have agreed to meet at the foot of the cliff, but + they wouldn't say good-bye together; it might have looked odd. She is his + mistress." The strange young man burst into tears. Swann endeavoured to + console him. "After all, she is quite right," he said to the young man, + drying his eyes for him and taking off the fez to make him feel more at + ease. "I've advised her to do that, myself, a dozen times. Why be so + distressed? He was obviously the man to understand her." So Swann reasoned + with himself, for the young man whom he had failed, at first, to identify, + was himself also; like certain novelists, he had distributed his own + personality between two characters, him who was the 'first person' in the + dream, and another whom he saw before him, capped with a fez. + </p> + <p> + As for Napoleon III, it was to Forcheville that some vague association of + ideas, then a certain modification of the Baron's usual physiognomy, and + lastly the broad ribbon of the Legion of Honour across his breast, had + made Swann give that name; but actually, and in everything that the person + who appeared in his dream represented and recalled to him, it was indeed + Forcheville. For, from an incomplete and changing set of images, Swann in + his sleep drew false deductions, enjoying, at the same time, such creative + power that he was able to reproduce himself by a simple act of division, + like certain lower organisms; with the warmth that he felt in his own palm + he modelled the hollow of a strange hand which he thought that he was + clasping, and out of feelings and impressions of which he was not yet + conscious, he brought about sudden vicissitudes which, by a chain of + logical sequences, would produce, at definite points in his dream, the + person required to receive his love or to startle him awake. In an instant + night grew black about him; an alarum rang, the inhabitants ran past him, + escaping from their blazing houses; he could hear the thunder of the + surging waves, and also of his own heart, which, with equal violence, was + anxiously beating in his breast. Suddenly the speed of these palpitations + redoubled, he felt a pain, a nausea that were inexplicable; a peasant, + dreadfully burned, flung at him as he passed: "Come and ask Charlus where + Odette spent the night with her friend. He used to go about with her, and + she tells him everything. It was they that started the fire." It was his + valet, come to awaken him, and saying:— + </p> + <p> + "Sir, it is eight o'clock, and the barber is here. I have told him to call + again in an hour." + </p> + <p> + But these words, as they dived down through the waves of sleep in which + Swann was submerged, did not reach his consciousness without undergoing + that refraction which turns a ray of light, at the bottom of a bowl of + water, into another sun; just as, a moment earlier, the sound of the + door-bell, swelling in the depths of his abyss of sleep into the clangour + of an alarum, had engendered the episode of the fire. Meanwhile the + scenery of his dream-stage scattered in dust, he opened his eyes, heard + for the last time the boom of a wave in the sea, grown very distant. He + touched his cheek. It was dry. And yet he could feel the sting of the cold + spray, and the taste of salt on his lips. He rose, and dressed himself. He + had made the barber come early because he had written, the day before, to + my grandfather, to say that he was going, that afternoon, to Combray, + having learned that Mme. de Cambremer—Mlle. Legrandin that had been—was + spending a few days there. The association in his memory of her young and + charming face with a place in the country which he had not visited for so + long, offered him a combined attraction which had made him decide at last + to leave Paris for a while. As the different changes and chances that + bring us into the company of certain other people in this life do not + coincide with the periods in which we are in love with those people, but, + overlapping them, may occur before love has begun, and may be repeated + after love is ended, the earliest appearances, in our life, of a creature + who is destined to afford us pleasure later on, assume retrospectively in + our eyes a certain value as an indication, a warning, a presage. It was in + this fashion that Swann had often carried back his mind to the image of + Odette, encountered in the theatre, on that first evening when he had no + thought of ever seeing her again—and that he now recalled the party + at Mme. de Saint-Euverte's, at which he had introduced General de + Froberville to Mme. de Cambremer. So manifold are our interests in life + that it is not uncommon that, on a single occasion, the foundations of a + happiness which does not yet exist are laid down simultaneously with + aggravations of a grief from which we are still suffering. And, no doubt, + that might have occurred to Swann elsewhere than at Mme. de + Saint-Euverte's. Who, indeed, can say whether, in the event of his having + gone, that evening, somewhere else, other happinesses, other griefs would + not have come to him, which, later, would have appeared to have been + inevitable? But what did seem to him to have been inevitable was what had + indeed taken place, and he was not far short of seeing something + providential in the fact that he had at last decided to go to Mme. de + Saint-Euverte's that evening, because his mind, anxious to admire the + richness of invention that life shews, and incapable of facing a difficult + problem for any length of time, such as to discover what, actually, had + been most to be wished for, came to the conclusion that the sufferings + through which he had passed that evening, and the pleasures, at that time + unsuspected, which were already being brought to birth,—the exact + balance between which was too difficult to establish—were linked by + a sort of concatenation of necessity. + </p> + <p> + But while, an hour after his awakening, he was giving instructions to the + barber, so that his stiffly brushed hair should not become disarranged on + the journey, he thought once again of his dream; he saw once again, as he + had felt them close beside him, Odette's pallid complexion, her too thin + cheeks, her drawn features, her tired eyes, all the things which—in + the course of those successive bursts of affection which had made of his + enduring love for Odette a long oblivion of the first impression that he + had formed of her—he had ceased to observe after the first few days + of their intimacy, days to which, doubtless, while he slept, his memory + had returned to seek the exact sensation of those things. And with that + old, intermittent fatuity, which reappeared in him now that he was no + longer unhappy, and lowered, at the same time, the average level of his + morality, he cried out in his heart: "To think that I have wasted years of + my life, that I have longed for death, that the greatest love that I have + ever known has been for a woman who did not please me, who was not in my + style!" + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0004" id="link2H_4_0004"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + PLACE-NAMES: THE NAME + </h2> + <p> + Among the rooms which used most commonly to take shape in my mind during + my long nights of sleeplessness, there was none that differed more utterly + from the rooms at Combray, thickly powdered with the motes of an + atmosphere granular, pollenous, edible and instinct with piety, than my + room in the Grand Hôtel de la Plage, at Balbec, the walls of which, washed + with ripolin, contained, like the polished sides of a basin in which the + water glows with a blue, lurking fire, a finer air, pure, azure-tinted, + saline. The Bavarian upholsterer who had been entrusted with the + furnishing of this hotel had varied his scheme of decoration in different + rooms, and in that which I found myself occupying had set against the + walls, on three sides of it, a series of low book-cases with glass fronts, + in which, according to where they stood, by a law of nature which he had, + perhaps, forgotten to take into account, was reflected this or that + section of the ever-changing view of the sea, so that the walls were lined + with a frieze of seascapes, interrupted only by the polished mahogany of + the actual shelves. And so effective was this that the whole room had the + appearance of one of those model bedrooms which you see nowadays in + Housing Exhibitions, decorated with works of art which are calculated by + their designer to refresh the eyes of whoever may ultimately have to sleep + in the rooms, the subjects being kept in some degree of harmony with the + locality and surroundings of the houses for which the rooms are planned. + </p> + <p> + And yet nothing could have differed more utterly, either, from the real + Balbec than that other Balbec of which I had often dreamed, on stormy + days, when the wind was so strong that Françoise, as she took me to the + Champs-Elysées, would warn me not to walk too near the side of the street, + or I might have my head knocked off by a falling slate, and would recount + to me, with many lamentations, the terrible disasters and shipwrecks that + were reported in the newspaper. I longed for nothing more than to behold a + storm at sea, less as a mighty spectacle than as a momentary revelation of + the true life of nature; or rather there were for me no mighty spectacles + save those which I knew to be not artificially composed for my + entertainment, but necessary and unalterable,—the beauty of + landscapes or of great works of art. I was not curious, I did not thirst + to know anything save what I believed to be more genuine than myself, what + had for me the supreme merit of shewing me a fragment of the mind of a + great genius, or of the force or the grace of nature as she appeared when + left entirely to herself, without human interference. Just as the lovely + sound of her voice, reproduced, all by itself, upon the phonograph, could + never console a man for the loss of his mother, so a mechanical imitation + of a storm would have left me as cold as did the illuminated fountains at + the Exhibition. I required also, if the storm was to be absolutely + genuine, that the shore from which I watched it should be a natural shore, + not an embankment recently constructed by a municipality. Besides, nature, + by all the feelings that she aroused in me, seemed to me the most opposite + thing in the world to the mechanical inventions of mankind. The less she + bore their imprint, the more room she offered for the expansion of my + heart. And, as it happened, I had preserved the name of Balbec, which + Legrandin had cited to us, as that of a sea-side place in the very midst + of "that funereal coast, famed for the number of its wrecks, swathed, for + six months in the year, in a shroud of fog and flying foam from the waves. + </p> + <p> + "You feel, there, below your feet still," he had told me, "far more even + than at Finistère (and even though hotels are now being superimposed upon + it, without power, however, to modify that oldest bone in the earth's + skeleton) you feel there that you are actually at the land's end of + France, of Europe, of the Old World. And it is the ultimate encampment of + the fishermen, precisely like the fishermen who have lived since the + world's beginning, facing the everlasting kingdom of the sea-fogs and + shadows of the night." One day when, at Combray, I had spoken of this + coast, this Balbec, before M. Swann, hoping to learn from him whether it + was the best point to select for seeing the most violent storms, he had + replied: "I should think I did know Balbec! The church at Balbec, built in + the twelfth and thirteenth centuries, and still half romanesque, is + perhaps the most curious example to be found of our Norman gothic, and so + exceptional that one is tempted to describe it as Persian in its + inspiration." And that region, which, until then, had seemed to me to be + nothing else than a part of immemorial nature, that had remained + contemporaneous with the great phenomena of geology—and as remote + from human history as the Ocean itself, or the Great Bear, with its wild + race of fishermen for whom, no more than for their whales, had there been + any Middle Ages—it had been a great joy to me to see it suddenly + take its place in the order of the centuries, with a stored consciousness + of the romanesque epoch, and to know that the gothic trefoil had come to + diversify those wild rocks also, at the appointed hour, like those frail + but hardy plants which, in the Polar regions, when the spring returns, + scatter their stars about the eternal snows. And if gothic art brought to + those places and people a classification which, otherwise, they lacked, + they too conferred one upon it in return. I tried to form a picture in my + mind of how those fishermen had lived, the timid and unsuspected essay + towards social intercourse which they had attempted there, clustered upon + a promontory of the shores of Hell, at the foot of the cliffs of death; + and gothic art seemed to me a more living thing now that, detaching it + from the towns in which, until then, I had always imagined it, I could see + how, in a particular instance, upon a reef of savage rocks, it had taken + root and grown until it flowered in a tapering spire. I was taken to see + reproductions of the most famous of the statues at Balbec,—shaggy, + blunt-faced Apostles, the Virgin from the porch,—and I could + scarcely breathe for joy at the thought that I might myself, one day, see + them take a solid form against their eternal background of salt fog. + Thereafter, on dear, tempestuous February nights, the wind—breathing + into my heart, which it shook no less violently than the chimney of my + bedroom, the project of a visit to Balbec—blended in me the desire + for gothic architecture with that for a storm upon the sea. + </p> + <p> + I should have liked to take, the very next day, the good, the generous + train at one twenty-two, of which never without a palpitating heart could + I read, in the railway company's bills or in advertisements of circular + tours, the hour of departure: it seemed to me to cut, at a precise point + in every afternoon, a most fascinating groove, a mysterious mark, from + which the diverted hours still led one on, of course, towards evening, + towards to-morrow morning, but to an evening and morning which one would + behold, not in Paris but in one of those towns through which the train + passed and among which it allowed one to choose; for it stopped at Bayeux, + at Coutances, at Vitré, at Questambert, at Pontorson, at Balbec, at + Lannion, at Lamballe, at Benodet, at Pont-Aven, at Quimperle, and + progressed magnificently surcharged with names which it offered me, so + that, among them all, I did not know which to choose, so impossible was it + to sacrifice any. But even without waiting for the train next day, I + could, by rising and dressing myself with all speed, leave Paris that very + evening, should my parents permit, and arrive at Balbec as dawn spread + westward over the raging sea, from whose driven foam I would seek shelter + in that church in the Persian manner. But at the approach of the Easter + holidays, when my parents had promised to let me spend them, for once, in + the North of Italy, lo! in place of those dreams of tempests, by which I + had been entirely possessed, not wishing to see anything but waves dashing + in from all sides, mounting always higher, upon the wildest of coasts, + beside churches as rugged and precipitous as cliffs, in whose towers the + sea-birds would be wailing; suddenly, effacing them, taking away all their + charm, excluding them because they were its opposite and could only have + weakened its effect, was substituted in me the converse dream of the most + variegated of springs, not the spring of Combray, still pricking with all + the needle-points of the winter's frost, but that which already covered + with lilies and anemones the meadows of Fiesole, and gave Florence a + dazzling golden background, like those in Fra Angelico's pictures. From + that moment, only sunlight, perfumes, colours, seemed to me to have any + value; for this alternation of images had effected a change of front in my + desire, and—as abrupt as those that occur sometimes in music,—a + complete change of tone in my sensibility. Thus it came about that a mere + atmospheric variation would be sufficient to provoke in me that + modulation, without there being any need for me to await the return of a + season. For often we find a day, in one, that has strayed from another + season, and makes us live in that other, summons at once into our presence + and makes us long for its peculiar pleasures, and interrupts the dreams + that we were in process of weaving, by inserting, out of its turn, too + early or too late, this leaf, torn from another chapter, in the + interpolated calendar of Happiness. But soon it happened that, like those + natural phenomena from which our comfort or our health can derive but an + accidental and all too modest benefit, until the day when science takes + control of them, and, producing them at will, places in our hands the + power to order their appearance, withdrawn from the tutelage and + independent of the consent of chance; similarly the production of these + dreams of the Atlantic and of Italy ceased to depend entirely upon the + changes of the seasons and of the weather. I need only, to make them + reappear, pronounce the names: Balbec, Venice, Florence, within whose + syllables had gradually accumulated all the longing inspired in me by the + places for which they stood. Even in spring, to come in a book upon the + name of Balbec sufficed to awaken in me the desire for storms at sea and + for the Norman gothic; even on a stormy day the name of Florence or of + Venice would awaken the desire for sunshine, for lilies, for the Palace of + the Doges and for Santa Maria del Fiore. + </p> + <p> + But if their names thus permanently absorbed the image that I had formed + of these towns, it was only by transforming that image, by subordinating + its reappearance in me to their own special laws; and in consequence of + this they made it more beautiful, but at the same time more different from + anything that the towns of Normandy or Tuscany could in reality be, and, + by increasing the arbitrary delights of my imagination, aggravated the + disenchantment that was in store for me when I set out upon my travels. + They magnified the idea that I formed of certain points on the earth's + surface, making them more special, and in consequence more real. I did not + then represent to myself towns, landscapes, historic buildings, as + pictures more or less attractive, cut out here and there of a substance + that was common to them all, but looked on each of them as on an unknown + thing, different from all the rest, a thing for which my soul was athirst, + by the knowledge of which it would benefit. How much more individual still + was the character that they assumed from being designated by names, names + that were only for themselves, proper names such as people have. Words + present to us little pictures of things, lucid and normal, like the + pictures that are hung on the walls of schoolrooms to give children an + illustration of what is meant by a carpenter's bench, a bird, an ant-hill; + things chosen as typical of everything else of the same sort. But names + present to us—of persons and of towns which they accustom us to + regard as individual, as unique, like persons—a confused picture, + which draws from the names, from the brightness or darkness of their + sound, the colour in which it is uniformly painted, like one of those + posters, entirely blue or entirely red, in which, on account of the + limitations imposed by the process used in their reproduction, or by a + whim on the designer's part, are blue or red not only the sky and the sea, + but the ships and the church and the people in the streets. The name of + Parma, one of the towns that I most longed to visit, after reading the <i>Chartreuse</i>, + seeming to me compact and glossy, violet-tinted, soft, if anyone were to + speak of such or such a house in Parma, in which I should be lodged, he + would give me the pleasure of thinking that I was to inhabit a dwelling + that was compact and glossy, violet-tinted, soft, and that bore no + relation to the houses in any other town in Italy, since I could imagine + it only by the aid of that heavy syllable of the name of Parma, in which + no breath of air stirred, and of all that I had made it assume of + Stendhalian sweetness and the reflected hue of violets. And when I thought + of Florence, it was of a town miraculously embalmed, and flower-like, + since it was called the City of the Lilies, and its Cathedral, Our Lady of + the Flower. As for Balbec, it was one of those names in which, as on an + old piece of Norman pottery that still keeps the colour of the earth from + which it was fashioned, one sees depicted still the representation of some + long-abolished custom, of some feudal right, of the former condition of + some place, of an obsolete way of pronouncing the language, which had + shaped and wedded its incongruous syllables and which I never doubted that + I should find spoken there at once, even by the inn-keeper who would pour + me out coffee and milk on my arrival, taking me down to watch the + turbulent sea, unchained, before the church; to whom I lent the aspect, + disputatious, solemn and mediaeval, of some character in one of the old + romances. + </p> + <p> + Had my health definitely improved, had my parents allowed me, if not + actually to go down to stay at Balbec, at least to take, just once, so as + to become acquainted with the architecture and landscapes of Normandy or + of Brittany, that one twenty-two train into which I had so often clambered + in imagination, I should have preferred to stop, and to alight from it, at + the most beautiful of its towns; but in vain might I compare and contrast + them; how was one to choose, any more than between individual people, who + are not interchangeable, between Bayeux, so lofty in its noble coronet of + rusty lace, whose highest point caught the light of the old gold of its + second syllable; Vitré, whose acute accent barred its ancient glass with + wooden lozenges; gentle Lamballe, whose whiteness ranged from egg-shell + yellow to a pearly grey; Coutances, a Norman Cathedral, which its final + consonants, rich and yellowing, crowned with a tower of butter; Lannion + with the rumble and buzz, in the silence of its village street, of the fly + on the wheel of the coach; Questambert, Pontorson, ridiculously silly and + simple, white feathers and yellow beaks strewn along the road to those + well-watered and poetic spots; Benodet, a name scarcely moored that seemed + to be striving to draw the river down into the tangle of its seaweeds; + Pont-Aven, the snowy, rosy flight of the wing of a lightly poised coif, + tremulously reflected in the greenish waters of a canal; Quimperlé, more + firmly attached, this, and since the Middle Ages, among the rivulets with + which it babbled, threading their pearls upon a grey background, like the + pattern made, through the cobwebs upon a window, by rays of sunlight + changed into blunt points of tarnished silver? + </p> + <p> + These images were false for another reason also; namely, that they were + necessarily much simplified; doubtless the object to which my imagination + aspired, which my senses took in but incompletely and without any + immediate pleasure, I had committed to the safe custody of names; + doubtless because I had accumulated there a store of dreams, those names + now magnetised my desires; but names themselves are not very + comprehensive; the most that I could do was to include in each of them two + or three of the principal curiosities of the town, which would lie there + side by side, without interval or partition; in the name of Balbec, as in + the magnifying glasses set in those penholders which one buys at sea-side + places, I could distinguish waves surging round a church built in the + Persian manner. Perhaps, indeed, the enforced simplicity of these images + was one of the reasons for the hold that they had over me. When my father + had decided, one year, that we should go for the Easter holidays to + Florence and Venice, not finding room to introduce into the name of + Florence the elements that ordinarily constitute a town, I was obliged to + let a supernatural city emerge from the impregnation by certain vernal + scenes of what I supposed to be, in its essentials, the genius of Giotto. + All the more—and because one cannot make a name extend much further + in time than in space—like some of Giotto's paintings themselves + which shew us at two separate moments the same person engaged in different + actions, here lying on his bed, there just about to mount his horse, the + name of Florence was divided into two compartments. In one, beneath an + architectural dais, I gazed upon a fresco over which was partly drawn a + curtain of morning sunlight, dusty, aslant, and gradually spreading; in + the other (for, since I thought of names not as an inaccessible ideal but + as a real and enveloping substance into which I was about to plunge, the + life not yet lived, the life intact and pure which I enclosed in them, + gave to the most material pleasures, to the simplest scenes, the same + attraction that they have in the works of the Primitives), I moved swiftly—so + as to arrive, as soon as might be, at the table that was spread for me, + with fruit and a flask of Chianti—across a Ponte Vecchio heaped with + jonquils, narcissi and anemones. That (for all that I was still in Paris) + was what I saw, and not what was actually round about me. Even from the + simplest, the most realistic point of view, the countries for which we + long occupy, at any given moment, a far larger place in our true life than + the country in which we may happen to be. Doubtless, if, at that time, I + had paid more attention to what was in my mind when I pronounced the words + "going to Florence, to Parma, to Pisa, to Venice," I should have realised + that what I saw was in no sense a town, but something as different from + anything that I knew, something as delicious as might be for a human race + whose whole existence had passed in a series of late winter afternoons, + that inconceivable marvel, a morning in spring. These images, unreal, + fixed, always alike, filling all my nights and days, differentiated this + period in my life from those which had gone before it (and might easily + have been confused with it by an observer who saw things only from + without, that is to say, who saw nothing), as in an opera a fresh melody + introduces a novel atmosphere which one could never have suspected if one + had done no more than read the libretto, still less if one had remained + outside the theatre, counting only the minutes as they passed. And + besides, even from the point of view of mere quantity, in our life the + days are not all equal. To reach the end of a day, natures that are + slightly nervous, as mine was, make use, like motor-cars, of different + 'speeds.' There are mountainous, uncomfortable days, up which one takes an + infinite time to pass, and days downward sloping, through which one can go + at full tilt, singing as one goes. During this month—in which I went + laboriously over, as over a tune, though never to my satisfaction, these + visions of Florence, Venice, Pisa, from which the desire that they excited + in me drew and kept something as profoundly personal as if it had been + love, love for another person—I never ceased to believe that they + corresponded to a reality independent of myself, and they made me + conscious of as glorious a hope as could have been cherished by a + Christian in the primitive age of faith, on the eve of his entry into + Paradise. Moreover, without my paying any heed to the contradiction that + there was in my wishing to look at and to touch with my organs of sense + what had been elaborated by the spell of my dreams and not perceived by my + senses at all—though all the more tempting to them, in consequence, + more different from anything that they knew—it was that which + recalled to me the reality of these visions, which inflamed my desire all + the more by seeming to hint a promise that my desire should be satisfied. + And for all that the motive force of my exaltation was a longing for + aesthetic enjoyments, the guide-books ministered even more to it than + books on aesthetics, and, more again than the guide-books, the railway + time-tables. What moved me was the thought that this Florence which I + could see, so near and yet inaccessible, in my imagination, if the tract + which separated it from me, in myself, was not one that I might cross, + could yet be reached by a circuit, by a digression, were I to take the + plain, terrestrial path. When I repeated to myself, giving thus a special + value to what I was going to see, that Venice was the "School of + Giorgione, the home of Titian, the most complete museum of the domestic + architecture of the Middle Ages," I felt happy indeed. As I was even more + when, on one of my walks, as I stepped out briskly on account of the + weather, which, after several days of a precocious spring, had relapsed + into winter (like the weather that we had invariably found awaiting us at + Combray, in Holy Week),—seeing upon the boulevards that the + chestnut-trees, though plunged in a glacial atmosphere that soaked through + them like a stream of water, were none the less beginning, punctual + guests, arrayed already for the party, and admitting no discouragement, to + shape and chisel and curve in its frozen lumps the irrepressible verdure + whose steady growth the abortive power of the cold might hinder but could + not succeed in restraining—I reflected that already the Ponte + Vecchio was heaped high with an abundance of hyacinths and anemones, and + that the spring sunshine was already tinging the waves of the Grand Canal + with so dusky an azure, with emeralds so splendid that when they washed + and were broken against the foot of one of Titian's paintings they could + vie with it in the richness of their colouring. I could no longer contain + my joy when my father, in the intervals of tapping the barometer and + complaining of the cold, began to look out which were the best trains, and + when I understood that by making one's way, after luncheon, into the + coal-grimed laboratory, the wizard's cell that undertook to contrive a + complete transmutation of its surroundings, one could awaken, next + morning, in the city of marble and gold, in which "the building of the + wall was of jasper and the foundation of the wall an emerald." So that it + and the City of the Lilies were not just artificial scenes which I could + set up at my pleasure in front of my imagination, but did actually exist + at a certain distance from Paris which must inevitably be traversed if I + wished to see them, at their appointed place on the earth's surface, and + at no other; in a word they were entirely real. They became even more real + to me when my father, by saying: "Well, you can stay in Venice from the + 20th to the 29th, and reach Florence on Easter morning," made them both + emerge, no longer only from the abstraction of Space, but from that + imaginary Time in which we place not one, merely, but several of our + travels at once, which do not greatly tax us since they are but + possibilities,—that Time which reconstructs itself so effectively + that one can spend it again in one town after one has already spent it in + another—and consecrated to them some of those actual, calendar days + which are certificates of the genuineness of what one does on them, for + those unique days are consumed by being used, they do not return, one + cannot live them again here when one has lived them elsewhere; I felt that + it was towards the week that would begin with the Monday on which the + laundress was to bring back the white waistcoat that I had stained with + ink, that they were hastening to busy themselves with the duty of emerging + from that ideal Time in which they did not, as yet, exist, those two Queen + Cities of which I was soon to be able, by the most absorbing kind of + geometry, to inscribe the domes and towers on a page of my own life. But I + was still on the way, only, to the supreme pinnacle of happiness; I + reached it finally (for not until then did the revelation burst upon me + that on the clattering streets, reddened by the light reflected from + Giorgione's frescoes, it was not, as I had, despite so many promptings, + continued to imagine, the men "majestic and terrible as the sea, bearing + armour that gleamed with bronze beneath the folds of their blood-red + cloaks," who would be walking in Venice next week, on the Easter vigil; + but that I myself might be the minute personage whom, in an enlarged + photograph of St. Mark's that had been lent to me, the operator had + portrayed, in a bowler hat, in front of the portico), when I heard my + father say: "It must be pretty cold, still, on the Grand Canal; whatever + you do, don't forget to pack your winter greatcoat and your thick suit." + At these words I was raised to a sort of ecstasy; a thing that I had until + then deemed impossible, I felt myself to be penetrating indeed between + those "rocks of amethyst, like a reef in the Indian Ocean"; by a supreme + muscular effort, a long way in excess of my real strength, stripping + myself, as of a shell that served no purpose, of the air in my own room + which surrounded me, I replaced it by an equal quantity of Venetian air, + that marine atmosphere, indescribable and peculiar as the atmosphere of + the dreams which my imagination had secreted in the name of Venice; I + could feel at work within me a miraculous disincarnation; it was at once + accompanied by that vague desire to vomit which one feels when one has a + very sore throat; and they had to put me to bed with a fever so persistent + that the doctor not only assured my parents that a visit, that spring, to + Florence and Venice was absolutely out of the question, but warned them + that, even when I should have completely recovered, I must, for at least a + year, give up all idea of travelling, and be kept from anything that was + liable to excite me. + </p> + <p> + And, alas, he forbade also, most categorically, my being allowed to go to + the theatre, to hear Berma; the sublime artist, whose genius Bergotte had + proclaimed, might, by introducing me to something else that was, perhaps, + as important and as beautiful, have consoled me for not having been to + Florence and Venice, for not going to Balbec. My parents had to be content + with sending me, every day, to the Champs-Elysées, in the custody of a + person who would see that I did not tire myself; this person was none + other than Françoise, who had entered our service after the death of my + aunt Léonie. Going to the Champs-Elysées I found unendurable. If only + Bergotte had described the place in one of his books, I should, no doubt, + have longed to see and to know it, like so many things else of which a + simulacrum had first found its way into my imagination. That kept things + warm, made them live, gave them personality, and I sought then to find + their counterpart in reality, but in this public garden there was nothing + that attached itself to my dreams. + </p> + <p> + * * * + </p> + <p> + One day, as I was weary of our usual place, beside the wooden horses, + Françoise had taken me for an excursion—across the frontier guarded + at regular intervals by the little bastions of the barley-sugar women—into + those neighbouring but foreign regions, where the faces of the passers-by + were strange, where the goat-carriage went past; then she had gone away to + lay down her things on a chair that stood with its back to a shrubbery of + laurels; while I waited for her I was pacing the broad lawn, of meagre + close-cropped grass already faded by the sun, dominated, at its far end, + by a statue rising from a fountain, in front of which a little girl with + reddish hair was playing with a shuttlecock; when, from the path, another + little girl, who was putting on her cloak and covering up her battledore, + called out sharply: "Good-bye, Gilberte, I'm going home now; don't forget, + we're coming to you this evening, after dinner." The name Gilberte passed + close by me, evoking all the more forcibly her whom it labelled in that it + did not merely refer to her, as one speaks of a man in his absence, but + was directly addressed to her; it passed thus close by me, in action, so + to speak, with a force that increased with the curve of its trajectory and + as it drew near to its target;—carrying in its wake, I could feel, + the knowledge, the impression of her to whom it was addressed that + belonged not to me but to the friend who called to her, everything that, + while she uttered the words, she more or less vividly reviewed, possessed + in her memory, of their daily intimacy, of the visits that they paid to + each other, of that unknown existence which was all the more inaccessible, + all the more painful to me from being, conversely, so familiar, so + tractable to this happy girl who let her message brush past me without my + being able to penetrate its surface, who flung it on the air with a + light-hearted cry: letting float in the atmosphere the delicious attar + which that message had distilled, by touching them with precision, from + certain invisible points in Mlle. Swann's life, from the evening to come, + as it would be, after dinner, at her home,—forming, on its celestial + passage through the midst of the children and their nursemaids, a little + cloud, exquisitely coloured, like the cloud that, curling over one of + Poussin's gardens, reflects minutely, like a cloud in the opera, teeming + with chariots and horses, some apparition of the life of the gods; + casting, finally, on that ragged grass, at the spot on which she stood (at + once a scrap of withered lawn and a moment in the afternoon of the fair + player, who continued to beat up and catch her shuttlecock until a + governess, with a blue feather in her hat, had called her away) a + marvellous little band of light, of the colour of heliotrope, spread over + the lawn like a carpet on which I could not tire of treading to and fro + with lingering feet, nostalgic and profane, while Françoise shouted: "Come + on, button up your coat, look, and let's get away!" and I remarked for the + first time how common her speech was, and that she had, alas, no blue + feather in her hat. + </p> + <p> + Only, would <i>she</i> come again to the Champs-Elysées? Next day she was + not there; but I saw her on the following days; I spent all my time + revolving round the spot where she was at play with her friends, to such + effect that once, when, they found, they were not enough to make up a + prisoner's base, she sent one of them to ask me if I cared to complete + their side, and from that day I played with her whenever she came. But + this did not happen every day; there were days when she had been prevented + from coming by her lessons, by her catechism, by a luncheon-party, by the + whole of that life, separated from my own, which twice only, condensed + into the name of Gilberte, I had felt pass so painfully close to me, in + the hawthorn lane near Combray and on the grass of the Champs-Elysées. On + such days she would have told us beforehand that we should not see her; if + it were because of her lessons, she would say: "It is too tiresome, I + sha'n't be able to come to-morrow; you will all be enjoying yourselves + here without me," with an air of regret which to some extent consoled me; + if, on the other hand, she had been invited to a party, and I, not knowing + this, asked her whether she was coming to play with us, she would reply: + "Indeed I hope not! Indeed I hope Mamma will let me go to my friend's." + But on these days I did at least know that I should not see her, whereas + on others, without any warning, her mother would take her for a drive, or + some such thing, and next day she would say: "Oh, yes! I went out with + Mamma," as though it had been the most natural thing in the world, and not + the greatest possible misfortune for some one else. There were also the + days of bad weather on which her governess, afraid, on her own account, of + the rain, would not bring Gilberte to the Champs-Elysées. + </p> + <p> + And so, if the heavens were doubtful, from early morning I would not cease + to interrogate them, observing all the omens. If I saw the lady opposite, + just inside her window, putting on her hat, I would say to myself: "That + lady is going out; it must, therefore, be weather in which one can go out. + Why should not Gilberte do the same as that lady?" But the day grew dark. + My mother said that it might clear again, that one burst of sunshine would + be enough, but that more probably it would rain; and if it rained, of what + use would it be to go to the Champs-Elysées? And so, from breakfast-time, + my anxious eyes never left the uncertain, clouded sky. It remained dark. + Outside the window, the balcony was grey. Suddenly, on its sullen stone, I + did not indeed see a less negative colour, but I felt as it were an effort + towards a less negative colour, the pulsation of a hesitating ray that + struggled to discharge its light. A moment later the balcony was as pale + and luminous as a standing water at dawn, and a thousand shadows from the + iron-work of its balustrade had come to rest on it. A breath of wind + dispersed them; the stone grew dark again, but, like tamed creatures, they + returned; they began, imperceptibly, to grow lighter, and by one of those + continuous crescendos, such as, in music, at the end of an overture, carry + a single note to the extreme fortissimo, making it pass rapidly through + all the intermediate stages, I saw it attain to that fixed, unalterable + gold of fine days, on which the sharply cut shadows of the wrought iron of + the balustrade were outlined in black like a capricious vegetation, with a + fineness in the delineation of their smallest details which seemed to + indicate a deliberate application, an artist's satisfaction, and with so + much relief, so velvety a bloom in the restfulness of their sombre and + happy mass that in truth those large and leafy shadows which lay reflected + on that lake of sunshine seemed aware that they were pledges of happiness + and peace of mind. + </p> + <p> + Brief, fading ivy, climbing, fugitive flora, the most colourless, the most + depressing, to many minds, of all that creep on walls or decorate windows; + to me the dearest of them all, from the day when it appeared upon our + balcony, like the very shadow of the presence of Gilberte, who was perhaps + already in the Champs-Elysées, and as soon as I arrived there would greet + me with: "Let's begin at once. You are on my side." Frail, swept away by a + breath, but at the same time in harmony, not with the season, with the + hour; a promise of that immediate pleasure which the day will deny or + fulfil, and thereby of the one paramount immediate pleasure, the pleasure + of loving and of being loved; more soft, more warm upon the stone than + even moss is; alive, a ray of sunshine sufficing for its birth, and for + the birth of joy, even in the heart of winter. + </p> + <p> + And on those days when all other vegetation had disappeared, when the fine + jerkins of green leather which covered the trunks of the old trees were + hidden beneath the snow; after the snow had ceased to fall, but when the + sky was still too much overcast for me to hope that Gilberte would venture + out, then suddenly—inspiring my mother to say: "Look, it's quite + fine now; I think you might perhaps try going to the Champs-Elysées after + all."—on the mantle of snow that swathed the balcony, the sun had + appeared and was stitching seams of gold, with embroidered patches of dark + shadow. That day we found no one there, or else a solitary girl, on the + point of departure, who assured me that Gilberte was not coming. The + chairs, deserted by the imposing but uninspiring company of governesses, + stood empty. Only, near the grass, was sitting a lady of uncertain age who + came in all weathers, dressed always in an identical style, splendid and + sombre, to make whose acquaintance I would have, at that period, + sacrificed, had it lain in my power, all the greatest opportunities in my + life to come. For Gilberte went up every day to speak to her; she used to + ask Gilberte for news of her "dearest mother" and it struck me that, if I + had known her, I should have been for Gilberte some one wholly different, + some one who knew people in her parents' world. While her grandchildren + played together at a little distance, she would sit and read the Débats, + which she called "My old <i>Débats</i>!" as, with an aristocratic + familiarity, she would say, speaking of the police-sergeant or the woman + who let the chairs, "My old friend the police-sergeant," or "The + chair-keeper and I, who are old friends." + </p> + <p> + Françoise found it too cold to stand about, so we walked to the Pont de la + Concorde to see the Seine frozen over, on to which everyone, even + children, walked fearlessly, as though upon an enormous whale, stranded, + defenceless, and about to be cut up. We returned to the Champs-Elysées; I + was growing sick with misery between the motionless wooden horses and the + white lawn, caught in a net of black paths from which the snow had been + cleared, while the statue that surmounted it held in its hand a long + pendent icicle which seemed to explain its gesture. The old lady herself, + having folded up her <i>Débats</i>, asked a passing nursemaid the time, + thanking her with "How very good of you!" then begged the road-sweeper to + tell her grandchildren to come, as she felt cold, adding "A thousand + thanks. I am sorry to give you so much trouble!" Suddenly the sky was rent + in two: between the punch-and-judy and the horses, against the opening + horizon, I had just seen, like a miraculous sign, Mademoiselle's blue + feather. And now Gilberte was running at full speed towards me, sparkling + and rosy beneath a cap trimmed with fur, enlivened by the cold, by being + late, by her anxiety for a game; shortly before she reached me, she + slipped on a piece of ice and, either to regain her balance, or because it + appeared to her graceful, or else pretending that she was on skates, it + was with outstretched arms that she smilingly advanced, as though to + embrace me. "Bravo! bravo! that's splendid; 'topping,' I should say, like + you—'sporting,' I suppose I ought to say, only I'm a + hundred-and-one, a woman of the old school," exclaimed the lady, uttering, + on behalf of the voiceless Champs-Elysées, their thanks to Gilberte for + having come, without letting herself be frightened away by the weather. + "You are like me, faithful at all costs to our old Champs-Elysées; we are + two brave souls! You wouldn't believe me, I dare say, if I told you that I + love them, even like this. This snow (I know, you'll laugh at me), it + makes me think of ermine!" And the old lady began to laugh herself. + </p> + <p> + The first of these days—to which the snow, a symbol of the powers + that were able to deprive me of the sight of Gilberte, imparted the + sadness of a day of separation, almost the aspect of a day of departure, + because it changed the outward form and almost forbade the use of the + customary scene of our only encounters, now altered, covered, as it were, + in dust-sheets—that day, none the less, marked a stage in the + progress of my love, for it was, in a sense, the first sorrow that she was + to share with me. There were only our two selves of our little company, + and to be thus alone with her was not merely like a beginning of intimacy, + but also on her part—as though she had come there solely to please + me, and in such weather—it seemed to me as touching as if, on one of + those days on which she had been invited to a party, she had given it up + in order to come to me in the Champs-Elysées; I acquired more confidence + in the vitality, in the future of a friendship which could remain so much + alive amid the torpor, the solitude, the decay of our surroundings; and + while she dropped pellets of snow down my neck, I smiled lovingly at what + seemed to me at once a predilection that she shewed for me in thus + tolerating me as her travelling companion in this new, this wintry land, + and a sort of loyalty to me which she preserved through evil times. + Presently, one after another, like shyly hopping sparrows, her friends + arrived, black against the snow. We got ready to play and, since this day + which had begun so sadly was destined to end in joy, as I went up, before + the game started, to the friend with the sharp voice whom I had heard, + that first day, calling Gilberte by name, she said to me: "No, no, I'm + sure you'd much rather be in Gilberte's camp; besides, look, she's + signalling to you." She was in fact summoning me to cross the snowy lawn + to her camp, to 'take the field,' which the sun, by casting over it a rosy + gleam, the metallic lustre of old and worn brocades, had turned into a + Field of the Cloth of Gold. + </p> + <p> + This day, which I had begun with so many misgivings, was, as it happened, + one of the few on which I was not unduly wretched. + </p> + <p> + For, although I no longer thought, now, of anything save not to let a + single day pass without seeing Gilberte (so much so that once, when my + grandmother had not come home by dinner-time, I could not resist the + instinctive reflection that, if she had been run over in the street and + killed, I should not for some time be allowed to play in the + Champs-Elysées; when one is in love one has no love left for anyone), yet + those moments which I spent in her company, for which I had waited with so + much impatience all night and morning, for which I had quivered with + excitement, to which I would have sacrificed everything else in the world, + were by no means happy moments; well did I know it, for they were the only + moments in my life on which I concentrated a scrupulous, undistracted + attention, and yet I could not discover in them one atom of pleasure. All + the time that I was away from Gilberte, I wanted to see her, because, + having incessantly sought to form a mental picture of her, I was unable, + in the end, to do so, and did not know exactly to what my love + corresponded. Besides, she had never yet told me that she loved me. Far + from it, she had often boasted that she knew other little boys whom she + preferred to myself, that I was a good companion, with whom she was always + willing to play, although I was too absent-minded, not attentive enough to + the game. Moreover, she had often shewn signs of apparent coldness towards + me, which might have shaken my faith that I was for her a creature + different from the rest, had that faith been founded upon a love that + Gilberte had felt for me, and not, as was the case, upon the love that I + felt for her, which strengthened its resistance to the assaults of doubt + by making it depend entirely upon the manner in which I was obliged, by an + internal compulsion, to think of Gilberte. But my feelings with regard to + her I had never yet ventured to express to her in words. Of course, on + every page of my exercise-books, I wrote out, in endless repetition, her + name and address, but at the sight of those vague lines which I might + trace, without her having to think, on that account, of me, I felt + discouraged, because they spoke to me, not of Gilberte, who would never so + much as see them, but of my own desire, which they seemed to shew me in + its true colours, as something purely personal, unreal, tedious and + ineffective. The most important thing was that we should see each other, + Gilberte and I, and should have an opportunity of making a mutual + confession of our love which, until then, would not officially (so to + speak) have begun. Doubtless the various reasons which made me so + impatient to see her would have appeared less urgent to a grown man. As + life goes on, we acquire such adroitness in the culture of our pleasures, + that we content ourselves with that which we derive from thinking of a + woman, as I was thinking of Gilberte, without troubling ourselves to + ascertain whether the image corresponds to the reality,—and with the + pleasure of loving her, without needing to be sure, also, that she loves + us; or again that we renounce the pleasure of confessing our passion for + her, so as to preserve and enhance the passion that she has for us, like + those Japanese gardeners who, to obtain one perfect blossom, will + sacrifice the rest. But at the period when I was in love with Gilberte, I + still believed that Love did really exist, apart from ourselves; that, + allowing us, at the most, to surmount the obstacles in our way, it offered + us its blessings in an order in which we were not free to make the least + alteration; it seemed to me that if I had, on my own initiative, + substituted for the sweetness of a confession a pretence of indifference, + I should not only have been depriving myself of one of the joys of which I + had most often dreamed, I should have been fabricating, of my own free + will, a love that was artificial and without value, that bore no relation + to the truth, whose mysterious and foreordained ways I should thus have + been declining to follow. + </p> + <p> + But when I arrived at the Champs-Elysées,—and, as at first sight it + appeared, was in a position to confront my love, so as to make it undergo + the necessary modifications, with its living and independent cause—as + soon as I was in the presence of that Gilberte Swann on the sight of whom + I had counted to revive the images that my tired memory had lost and could + not find again, of that Gilberte Swann with whom I had been playing the + day before, and whom I had just been prompted to greet, and then to + recognise, by a blind instinct like that which, when we are walking, sets + one foot before the other, without giving us time to think what we are + doing, then at once it became as though she and the little girl who had + inspired my dreams had been two different people. If, for instance, I had + retained in my memory overnight two fiery eyes above plump and rosy + cheeks, Gilberte's face would now offer me (and with emphasis) something + that I distinctly had not remembered, a certain sharpening and + prolongation of the nose which, instantaneously associating itself with + certain others of her features, assumed the importance of those + characteristics which, in natural history, are used to define a species, + and transformed her into a little girl of the kind that have sharpened + profiles. While I was making myself ready to take advantage of this long + expected moment, and to surrender myself to the impression of Gilberte + which I had prepared beforehand but could no longer find in my head, to an + extent which would enable me, during the long hours which I must spend + alone, to be certain that it was indeed herself whom I had in mind, that + it was indeed my love for her that I was gradually making grow, as a book + grows when one is writing it, she threw me a ball; and, like the idealist + philosopher whose body takes account of the external world in the reality + of which his intellect declines to believe, the same self which had made + me salute her before I had identified her now urged me to catch the ball + that she tossed to me (as though she had been a companion, with whom I had + come to play, and not a sister-soul with whom my soul had come to be + united), made me, out of politeness, until the time came when she had to + I go, address a thousand polite and trivial remarks to her, and so + prevented me both from keeping a silence in which I might at last have + laid my hand upon the indispensable, escaped idea, and from uttering the + words which might have made that definite progress in the course of our + love on which I was always obliged to count only for the following + afternoon. There was, however, an occasional development. One day, we had + gone with Gilberte to the stall of our own special vendor, who was always + particularly nice to us, since it was to her that M. Swann used to send + for his gingerbread, of which, for reasons of health (he suffered from a + racial eczema, and from the constipation of the prophets), he consumed a + great quantity,—Gilberte pointed out to me with a laugh two little + boys who were like the little artist and the little naturalist in the + children's storybooks. For one of them would not have a red stick of rock + because he preferred the purple, while the other, with tears in his eyes, + refused a plum which his nurse was buying for him, because, as he finally + explained in passionate tones: "I want the other plum; it's got a worm in + it!" I purchased two ha'penny marbles. With admiring eyes I saw, luminous + and imprisoned in a bowl by themselves, the agate marbles which seemed + precious to me because they were as fair and smiling as little girls, and + because they cost five-pence each. Gilberte, who was given a great deal + more pocket money than I ever had, asked me which I thought the prettiest. + They were as transparent, as liquid-seeming as life itself. I would not + have had her sacrifice a single one of them. I should have liked her to be + able to buy them, to liberate them all. Still, I pointed out one that had + the same colour as her eyes. Gilberte took it, turned it about until it + shone with a ray of gold, fondled it, paid its ransom, but at once handed + me her captive, saying: "Take it; it is for you, I give it to you, keep it + to remind yourself of me." + </p> + <p> + Another time, being still obsessed by the desire to hear Berma in classic + drama, I had asked her whether she had not a copy of a pamphlet in which + Bergotte spoke of Racine, and which was now out of print. She had told me + to let her know the exact title of it, and that evening I had sent her a + little telegram, writing on its envelope the name, Gilberte Swann, which I + had so often traced in my exercise-books. Next day she brought me in a + parcel tied with pink bows and sealed with white wax, the pamphlet, a copy + of which she had managed to find. "You see, it is what you asked me for," + she said, taking from her muff the telegram that I had sent her. But in + the address on the pneumatic message—which, only yesterday, was + nothing, was merely a 'little blue' that I had written, and, after a + messenger had delivered it to Gilberte's porter and a servant had taken it + to her in her room, had become a thing without value or distinction, one + of the 'little blues' that she had received in the course of the day—I + had difficulty in recognising the futile, straggling lines of my own + handwriting beneath the circles stamped on it at the post-office, the + inscriptions added in pencil by a postman, signs of effectual realisation, + seals of the external world, violet bands symbolical of life itself, which + for the first time came to espouse, to maintain, to raise, to rejoice my + dream. + </p> + <p> + And there was another day on which she said to me: "You know, you may call + me 'Gilberte'; in any case, I'm going to call you by your first name. It's + too silly not to." Yet she continued for a while to address me by the more + formal '<i>vous</i>,' and, when I drew her attention to this, smiled, and + composing, constructing a phrase like those that are put into the + grammar-books of foreign languages with no other object than to teach us + to make use of a new word, ended it with my Christian name. And when I + recalled, later, what I had felt at the time, I could distinguish the + impression of having been held, for a moment, in her mouth, myself, naked, + without, any longer, any of the social qualifications which belonged + equally to her other companions and, when she used my surname, to my + parents, accessories of which her lips—by the effort that she made, + a little after her father's manner, to articulate the words to which she + wished to give a special value—had the air of stripping, of + divesting me, as one peels the skin from a fruit of which one is going to + put only the pulp into one's mouth, while her glance, adapting itself to + the same new degree of intimacy as her speech, fell on me also more + directly, not without testifying to the consciousness, the pleasure, even + the gratitude that it felt, accompanying itself with a smile. + </p> + <p> + But at that actual moment, I was not able to appreciate the worth of these + new pleasures. They were given, not by the little girl whom I loved, to me + who loved her, but by the other, her with whom I used to play, to my other + self, who possessed neither the memory of the true Gilberte, nor the fixed + heart which alone could have known the value of a happiness for which it + alone had longed. Even after I had returned home I did not taste them, + since, every day, the necessity which made me hope that on the morrow I + should arrive at the clear, calm, happy contemplation of Gilberte, that + she would at last confess her love for me, explaining to me the reasons by + which she had been obliged, hitherto, to conceal it, that same necessity + forced me to regard the past as of no account, to look ahead of me only, + to consider the little advantages that she had given me not in themselves + and as if they were self-sufficient, but like fresh rungs of the ladder on + which I might set my feet, which were going to allow me to advance a step + further and finally to attain the happiness which I had not yet + encountered. + </p> + <p> + If, at times, she shewed me these marks of her affection, she troubled me + also by seeming not to be pleased to see me, and this happened often on + the very days on which I had most counted for the realisation of my hopes. + I was sure that Gilberte was coming to the Champs-Elysées, and I felt an + elation which seemed merely the anticipation of a great happiness when—going + into the drawing-room in the morning to kiss Mamma, who was already + dressed to go out, the coils of her black hair elaborately built up, and + her beautiful hands, plump and white, fragrant still with soap—I had + been apprised, by seeing a column of dust standing by itself in the air + above the piano, and by hearing a barrel-organ playing, beneath the + window, <i>En revenant de la revue</i>, that the winter had received, + until nightfall, an unexpected, radiant visit from a day of spring. While + we sat at luncheon, by opening her window, the lady opposite had sent + packing, in the twinkling of an eye, from beside my chair—to sweep + in a single stride over the whole width of our dining-room—a sunbeam + which had lain down there for its midday rest and returned to continue it + there a moment later. At school, during the one o'clock lesson, the sun + made me sick with impatience and boredom as it let fall a golden stream + that crept to the edge of my desk, like an invitation to the feast at + which I could not myself arrive before three o'clock, until the moment + when Françoise came to fetch me at the school-gate, and we made our way + towards the Champs-Elysées through streets decorated with sunlight, dense + with people, over which the balconies, detached by the sun and made + vaporous, seemed to float in front of the houses like clouds of gold. + Alas! in the Champs-Elysées I found no Gilberte; she had not yet arrived. + Motionless, on the lawn nurtured by the invisible sun which, here and + there, kindled to a flame the point of a blade of grass, while the pigeons + that had alighted upon it had the appearance of ancient sculptures which + the gardener's pick had heaved to the surface of a hallowed soil, I stood + with my eyes fixed on the horizon, expecting at every moment to see appear + the form of Gilberte following that of her governess, behind the statue + that seemed to be holding out the child, which it had in its arms, and + which glistened in the stream of light, to receive benediction from the + sun. The old lady who read the Débats was sitting on her chair, in her + invariable place, and had just accosted a park-keeper, with a friendly + wave of her hands towards him as she exclaimed "What a lovely day!" And + when the chair-woman came up to collect her penny, with an infinity of + smirks and affectations she folded the ticket away inside her glove, as + though it had been a posy of flowers, for which she had sought, in + gratitude to the donor, the most becoming place upon her person. When she + had found it, she performed a circular movement with her neck, + straightened her boa, and fastened upon the collector, as she shewed her + the end of yellow paper that stuck out over her bare wrist, the bewitching + smile with which a woman says to a young man, pointing to her bosom: "You + see, I'm wearing your roses!" + </p> + <p> + I dragged Françoise, on the way towards Gilberte, as far as the Arc de + Triomphe; we did not meet her, and I was returning towards the lawn + convinced, now, that she was not coming, when, in front of the wooden + horses, the little girl with the sharp voice flung herself upon me: + "Quick, quick, Gilberte's been here a quarter of an hour. She's just + going. We've been waiting for you, to make up a prisoner's base." + </p> + <p> + While I had been going up the Avenue des Champs-Elysées, Gilberte had + arrived by the Rue Boissy-d'Anglas, Mademoiselle having taken advantage of + the fine weather to go on some errand of her own; and M. Swann was coming + to fetch his daughter. And so it was my fault; I ought not to have strayed + from the lawn; for one never knew for certain from what direction Gilberte + would appear, whether she would be early or late, and this perpetual + tension succeeded in making more impressive not only the Champs-Elysées in + their entirety, and the whole span of the afternoon, like a vast expanse + of space and time, on every point and at every moment of which it was + possible that the form of Gilberte might appear, but also that form + itself, since behind its appearance I felt that there lay concealed the + reason for which it had shot its arrow into my heart at four o'clock + instead of at half-past two; crowned with a smart hat, for paying calls, + instead of the plain cap, for games; in front of the Ambassadeurs and not + between the two puppet-shows; I divined one of those occupations in which + I might not follow Gilberte, occupations that forced her to go out or to + stay at home, I was in contact with the mystery of her unknown life. It + was this mystery, too, which troubled me when, running at the sharp-voiced + girl's bidding, so as to begin our game without more delay, I saw + Gilberte, so quick and informal with us, make a ceremonious bow to the old + lady with the <i>Débats</i> (who acknowledged it with "What a lovely sun! + You'd think there was a fire burning.") speaking to her with a shy smile, + with an air of constraint which called to my mind the other little girl + that Gilberte must be when at home with her parents, or with friends of + her parents, paying visits, in all the rest, that escaped me, of her + existence. But of that existence no one gave me so strong an impression as + did M. Swann, who came a little later to fetch his daughter. That was + because he and Mme. Swann—inasmuch as their daughter lived with + them, as her lessons, her games, her friendships depended upon them—contained + for me, like Gilberte, perhaps even more than Gilberte, as befitted + subjects that had an all-powerful control over her in whom it must have + had its source, an undefined, an inaccessible quality of melancholy charm. + Everything that concerned them was on my part the object of so constant a + preoccupation that the days on which, as on this day, M. Swann (whom I had + seen so often, long ago, without his having aroused my curiosity, when he + was still on good terms with my parents) came for Gilberte to the + Champs-Elysées, once the pulsations to which my heart had been excited by + the appearance of his grey hat and hooded cape had subsided, the sight of + him still impressed me as might that of an historic personage, upon whom + one had just been studying a series of books, and the smallest details of + whose life one learned with enthusiasm. His relations with the Comte de + Paris, which, when I heard them discussed at Combray, seemed to me + unimportant, became now in my eyes something marvellous, as if no one else + had ever known the House of Orleans; they set him in vivid detachment + against the vulgar background of pedestrians of different classes, who + encumbered that particular path in the Champs-Elysées, in the midst of + whom I admired his condescending to figure without claiming any special + deference, which as it happened none of them dreamed of paying him, so + profound was the incognito in which he was wrapped. + </p> + <p> + He responded politely to the salutations of Gilberte's companions, even to + mine, for all that he was no longer on good terms with my family, but + without appearing to know who I was. (This reminded me that he had + constantly seen me in the country; a memory which I had retained, but kept + out of sight, because, since I had seen Gilberte again, Swann had become + to me pre-eminently her father, and no longer the Combray Swann; as the + ideas which, nowadays, I made his name connote were different from the + ideas in the system of which it was formerly comprised, which I utilised + not at all now when I had occasion to think of him, he had become a new, + another person; still I attached him by an artificial thread, secondary + and transversal, to our former guest; and as nothing had any longer any + value for me save in the extent to which my love might profit by it, it + was with a spasm of shame and of regret at not being able to erase them + from my memory that I recaptured the years in which, in the eyes of this + same Swann who was at this moment before me in the Champs-Elysées, and to + whom, fortunately, Gilberte had perhaps not mentioned my name, I had so + often, in the evenings, made myself ridiculous by sending to ask Mamma to + come upstairs to my room to say good-night to me, while she was drinking + coffee with him and my father and my grandparents at the table in the + garden.) He told Gilberte that she might play one game; he could wait for + a quarter of an hour; and, sitting down, just like anyone else, on an iron + chair, paid for his ticket with that hand which Philippe VII had so often + held in his own, while we began our game upon the lawn, scattering the + pigeons, whose beautiful, iridescent bodies (shaped like hearts and, + surely, the lilacs of the feathered kingdom) took refuge as in so many + sanctuaries, one on the great basin of stone, on which its beak, as it + disappeared below the rim, conferred the part, assigned the purpose of + offering to the bird in abundance the fruit or grain at which it appeared + to be pecking, another on the head of the statue, which it seemed to crown + with one of those enamelled objects whose polychrome varies in certain + classical works the monotony of the stone, and with an attribute which, + when the goddess bears it, entitles her to a particular epithet and makes + of her, as a different Christian name makes of a mortal, a fresh divinity. + </p> + <p> + On one of these sunny days which had not realised my hopes, I had not the + courage to conceal my disappointment from Gilberte. + </p> + <p> + "I had ever so many things to ask you," I said to her; "I thought that + to-day was going to mean so much in our friendship. And no sooner have you + come than you go away! Try to come early to-morrow, so that I can talk to + you." + </p> + <p> + Her face lighted up and she jumped for joy as she answered: "Tomorrow, you + may make up your mind, my dear friend, I sha'n't come! + </p> + <p> + "First of all I've a big luncheon-party; then in the afternoon I am going + to a friend's house to see King Theodosius arrive from her windows; won't + that be splendid?—and then, next day, I'm going to <i>Michel + Strogoff</i>, and after that it will soon be Christmas, and the New Year + holidays! Perhaps they'll take me south, to the Riviera; won't that be + nice? Though I should miss the Christmas-tree here; anyhow, if I do stay + in Paris, I sha'n't be coming here, because I shall be out paying calls + with Mamma. Good-bye—there's Papa calling me." + </p> + <p> + I returned home with Françoise through streets that were still gay with + sunshine, as on the evening of a holiday when the merriment is over. I + could scarcely drag my legs along. + </p> + <p> + "I'm not surprised;" said Françoise, "it's not the right weather for the + time of year; it's much too warm. Oh dear, oh dear, to think of all the + poor sick people there must be everywhere; you would think that up there, + too, everything's got out of order." + </p> + <p> + I repeated to myself, stifling my sobs, the words in which Gilberte had + given utterance to her joy at the prospect of not coming back, for a long + time, to the Champs-Elysées. But already the charm with which, by the mere + act of thinking, my mind was filled as soon as it thought of her, the + privileged position, unique even if it were painful, in which I was + inevitably placed in relation to Gilberte by the contraction of a scar in + my mind, had begun to add to that very mark of her indifference something + romantic, and in the midst of my tears my lips would shape themselves in a + smile which was indeed the timid outline of a kiss. And when the time came + for the postman I said to myself, that evening as on every other: "I am + going to have a letter from Gilberte, she is going to tell me, at last, + that she has never ceased to love me, and to explain to me the mysterious + reason by which she has been forced to conceal her love from me until now, + to put on the appearance of being able to be happy without seeing me; the + reason for which she has assumed the form of the other Gilberte, who is + simply a companion." + </p> + <p> + Every evening I would beguile myself into imagining this letter, believing + that I was actually reading it, reciting each of its sentences in turn. + Suddenly I would stop, in alarm. I had realised that, if I was to receive + a letter from Gilberte, it could not, in any case, be this letter, since + it was I myself who had just composed it. And from that moment I would + strive to keep my thoughts clear of the words which I should have liked + her to write to me, from fear lest, by first selecting them myself, I + should be excluding just those identical words,—the dearest, the + most desired—from the field of possible events. Even if, by an + almost impossible coincidence, it had been precisely the letter of my + invention that Gilberte had addressed to me of her own accord, recognising + my own work in it I should not have had the impression that I was + receiving something that had not originated in myself, something real, + something new, a happiness external to my mind, independent of my will, a + gift indeed from love. + </p> + <p> + While I waited I read over again a page which, although it had not been + written to me by Gilberte, came to me, none the less, from her, that page + by Bergotte upon the beauty of the old myths from which Racine drew his + inspiration, which (with the agate marble) I always kept within reach. I + was touched by my friend's kindness in having procured the book for me; + and as everyone is obliged to find some reason for his passion, so much so + that he is glad to find in the creature whom he loves qualities which (he + has learned by reading or in conversation) are worthy to excite a man's + love, that he assimilates them by imitation and makes out of them fresh + reasons for his love, even although these qualities be diametrically + opposed to those for which his love would have sought, so long as it was + spontaneous—as Swann, before my day, had sought to establish the + aesthetic basis of Odette's beauty—I, who had at first loved + Gilberte, in Combray days, on account of all the unknown element in her + life into which I would fain have plunged headlong, have undergone + reincarnation, discarding my own separate existence as a thing that no + longer mattered, I thought now, as of an inestimable advantage, that of + this, my own, my too familiar, my contemptible existence Gilberte might + one day become the humble servant, the kindly, the comforting + collaborator, who in the evenings, helping me in my work, would collate + for me the texts of rare pamphlets. As for Bergotte, that infinitely wise, + almost divine old man, because of whom I had first, before I had even seen + her, loved Gilberte, now it was for Gilberte's sake, chiefly, that I loved + him. With as much pleasure as the pages that he had written about Racine, + I studied the wrapper, folded under great seals of white wax and tied with + billows of pink ribbon, in which she had brought those pages to me. I + kissed the agate marble, which was the better part of my love's heart, the + part that was not frivolous but faithful, and, for all that it was adorned + with the mysterious charm of Gilberte's life, dwelt close beside me, + inhabited my chamber, shared my bed. But the beauty of that stone, and the + beauty also of those pages of Bergotte which I was glad to associate with + the idea of my love for Gilberte, as if, in the moments when my love + seemed no longer to have any existence, they gave it a kind of + consistency, were, I perceived, anterior to that love, which they in no + way resembled; their elements had been determined by the writer's talent, + or by geological laws, before ever Gilberte had known me, nothing in book + or stone would have been different if Gilberte had not loved me, and there + was nothing, consequently, that authorised me to read in them a message of + happiness. And while my love, incessantly waiting for the morrow to bring + a confession of Gilberte's love for me, destroyed, unravelled every + evening, the ill-done work of the day, in some shadowed part of my being + was an unknown weaver who would not leave where they lay the severed + threads, but collected and rearranged them, without any thought of + pleasing me, or of toiling for my advantage, in the different order which + she gave to all her handiwork. Without any special interest in my love, + not beginning by deciding that I was loved, she placed, side by side, + those of Gilberte's actions that had seemed to me inexplicable and her + faults which I had excused. Then, one with another, they took on a + meaning. It seemed to tell me, this new arrangement, that when I saw + Gilberte, instead of coming to me in the Champs-Elysées, going to a party, + or on errands with her governess, when I saw her prepared for an absence + that would extend over the New Year holidays, I was wrong in thinking, in + saying: "It is because she is frivolous," or "easily lead." For she would + have ceased to be either if she had loved me, and if she had been forced + to obey it would have been with the same despair in her heart that I felt + on the days when I did not see her. It shewed me further, this new + arrangement, that I ought, after all, to know what it was to love, since I + loved Gilberte; it drew my attention to the constant anxiety that I had to + 'shew off' before her, by reason of which I tried to persuade my mother to + get for Françoise a waterproof coat and a hat with a blue feather, or, + better still, to stop sending with me to the Champs-Elysées an attendant + with whom I blushed to be seen (to all of which my mother replied that I + was not fair to Françoise, that she was an excellent woman and devoted to + us all) and also that sole, exclusive need to see Gilberte, the result of + which was that, months in advance, I could think of nothing but how to + find out at what date she would be leaving Paris and where she was going, + feeling that the most attractive country in the world would be but a place + of exile if she were not to be there, and asking only to be allowed to + stay for ever in Paris, so long as I might see her in the Champs-Elysées; + and it had little difficulty in making me see that neither my anxiety nor + my need could be justified by anything in Gilberte's conduct. She, on the + contrary, was genuinely fond of her governess, without troubling herself + over what I might choose to think about it. It seemed quite natural to her + not to come to the Champs-Elysées if she had to go shopping with + Mademoiselle, delightful if she had to go out somewhere with her mother. + And even supposing that she would ever have allowed me to spend my + holidays in the same place as herself, when it came to choosing that place + she considered her parents' wishes, a thousand different amusements of + which she had been told, and not at all that it should be the place to + which my family were proposing to send me. When she assured me (as + sometimes happened) that she liked me less than some other of her friends, + less than she had liked me the day before, because by my clumsiness I had + made her side lose a game, I would beg her pardon, I would beg her to tell + me what I must do in order that she should begin again to like me as much + as, or more than the rest; I hoped to hear her say that that was already + my position; I besought her; as though she had been able to modify her + affection for me as she or I chose, to give me pleasure, merely by the + words that she would utter, as my good or bad conduct should deserve. Was + I, then, not yet aware that what I felt, myself, for her, depended neither + upon her actions nor upon my desires? + </p> + <p> + It shewed me finally, the new arrangement planned by my unseen weaver, + that, if we find ourselves hoping that the actions of a person who has + hitherto caused us anxiety may prove not to have been sincere, they shed + in their wake a light which our hopes are powerless to extinguish, a light + to which, rather than to our hopes, we must put the question, what will be + that person's actions on the morrow. + </p> + <p> + These new counsels, my love listened and heard them; they persuaded it + that the morrow would not be different from all the days that had gone + before; that Gilberte's feeling for me, too long established now to be + capable of alteration, was indifference; that in my friendship with + Gilberte, it was I alone who loved. "That is true," my love responded, + "there is nothing more to be made of that friendship. It will not alter + now." And so the very next day (unless I were to wait for a public + holiday, if there was one approaching, some anniversary, the New Year, + perhaps, one of those days which are not like other days, on which time + starts afresh, casting aside the heritage of the past, declining its + legacy of sorrows) I would appeal to Gilberte to terminate our old and to + join me in laying the foundations of a new friendship. + </p> + <p> + * * * + </p> + <p> + I had always, within reach, a plan of Paris, which, because I could see + drawn on it the street in which M. and Mme. Swann lived, seemed to me to + contain a secret treasure. And to please myself, as well as by a sort of + chivalrous loyalty, in any connection or with no relevance at all, I would + repeat the name of that street until my father, not being, like my mother + and grandmother, in the secret of my love, would ask: "But why are you + always talking about that street? There's nothing wonderful about it. It + is an admirable street to live in because it's only a few minutes' walk + from the Bois, but there are a dozen other streets just the same." + </p> + <p> + I made every effort to introduce the name of Swann into my conversation + with my parents; in my own mind, of course, I never ceased to murmur it; + but I needed also to hear its exquisite sound, and to make myself play + that chord, the voiceless rendering of which did not suffice me. Moreover, + that name of Swann, with which I had for so long been familiar, was to me + now (as happens at times to people suffering from aphasia, in the case of + the most ordinary words) the name of something new. It was for ever + present in my mind, which could not, however, grow accustomed to it. I + analysed it, I spelt it; its orthography came to me as a surprise. And + with its familiarity it had simultaneously lost its innocence. The + pleasure that I derived from the sound of it I felt to be so guilty, that + it seemed to me as though the others must read my thoughts, and would + change the conversation if I endeavoured to guide it in that direction. I + fell back upon subjects which still brought me into touch with Gilberte, I + eternally repeated the same words, and it was no use my knowing that they + were but words—words uttered in her absence, which she could not + hear, words without virtue in themselves, repeating what were, indeed, + facts, but powerless to modify them—for still it seemed to me that + by dint of handling, of stirring in this way everything that had reference + to Gilberte, I might perhaps make emerge from it something that would + bring me happiness. I told my parents again that Gilberte was very fond of + her governess, as if the statement, when repeated for the hundredth time, + would at last have the effect of making Gilberte suddenly burst into the + room, come to live with us for ever. I had already sung the praises of the + old lady who read the <i>Débats</i> (I had hinted to my parents that she + must at least be an Ambassador's widow, if not actually a Highness) and I + continued to descant on her beauty, her splendour, her nobility, until the + day on which I mentioned that, by what I had heard Gilberte call her, she + appeared to be a Mme. Blatin. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, now I know whom you mean," cried my mother, while I felt myself grow + red all over with shame. "On guard! on guard!—as your grandfather + says. And so it's she that you think so wonderful? Why, she's perfectly + horrible, and always has been. She's the widow of a bailiff. You can't + remember, when you were little, all the trouble I used to have to avoid + her at your gymnastic lessons, where she was always trying to get hold of + me—I didn't know the woman, of course—to tell me that you were + 'much too nice-looking for a boy.' She has always had an insane desire to + get to know people, and she must be quite insane, as I have always + thought, if she really does know Mme. Swann. For even if she does come of + very common people, I have never heard anything said against her + character. But she must always be forcing herself upon strangers. She is, + really, a horrible woman, frightfully vulgar, and besides, she is always + creating awkward situations." + </p> + <p> + As for Swann, in my attempts to resemble him, I spent the whole time, when + I was at table, in drawing my finger along my nose and in rubbing my eyes. + My father would exclaim: "The child's a perfect idiot, he's becoming quite + impossible." More than all else I should have liked to be as bald as + Swann. He appeared to me to be a creature so extraordinary that I found it + impossible to believe that people whom I knew and often saw knew him also, + and that in the course of the day anyone might run against him. And once + my mother, while she was telling us, as she did every evening at dinner, + where she had been and what she had done that afternoon, merely by the + words: "By the way, guess whom I saw at the Trois Quartiers—at the + umbrella counter—Swann!" caused to burst open in the midst of her + narrative (an arid desert to me) a mystic blossom. What a melancholy + satisfaction to learn that, that very afternoon, threading through the + crowd his supernatural form, Swann had gone to buy an umbrella. Among the + events of the day, great and small, but all equally unimportant, that one + alone aroused in me those peculiar vibrations by which my love for + Gilberte was invariably stirred. My father complained that I took no + interest in anything, because I did not listen while he was speaking of + the political developments that might follow the visit of King + Theodosius, at that moment in France as the nation's guest and (it was + hinted) ally. And yet how intensely interested I was to know whether Swann + had been wearing his hooded cape! + </p> + <p> + "Did you speak to him?" I asked. + </p> + <p> + "Why, of course I did," answered my mother, who always seemed afraid lest, + were she to admit that we were not on the warmest of terms with Swann, + people would seek to reconcile us more than she cared for, in view of the + existence of Mme. Swann, whom she did not wish to know. "It was he who + came up and spoke to me. I hadn't seen him." + </p> + <p> + "Then you haven't quarrelled?" + </p> + <p> + "Quarrelled? What on earth made you think that we had quarrelled?" she + briskly parried, as though I had cast doubt on the fiction of her friendly + relations with Swann, and was planning an attempt to 'bring them + together.' + </p> + <p> + "He might be cross with you for never asking him here." + </p> + <p> + "One isn't obliged to ask everyone to one's house, you know; has he ever + asked me to his? I don't know his wife." + </p> + <p> + "But he used often to come, at Combray." + </p> + <p> + "I should think he did! He used to come at Combray, and now, in Paris, he + has something better to do, and so have I. But I can promise you, we + didn't look in the least like people who had quarrelled. We were kept + waiting there for some time, while they brought him his parcel. He asked + after you; he told me you had been playing with his daughter—" my + mother went on, amazing me with the portentous revelation of my own + existence in Swann's mind; far more than that, of my existence in so + complete, so material a form that when I stood before him, trembling with + love, in the Champs-Elysées, he had known my name, and who my mother was, + and had been able to blend with my quality as his daughter's playmate + certain facts with regard to my grandparents and their connections, the + place in which we lived, certain details of our past life, all of which I + myself perhaps did not know. But my mother did not seem to have noticed + anything particularly attractive in that counter at the Trois Quartiers + where she had represented to Swann, at the moment in which he caught sight + of her, a definite person with whom he had sufficient memories in common + to impel him to come up to her and to speak. + </p> + <p> + Nor did either she or my father seem to find any occasion now to mention + Swann's family, the grandparents of Gilberte, nor to use the title of + stockbroker, topics as which nothing else gave me so keen a pleasure. My + imagination had isolated and consecrated in the social Paris a certain + family, just as it had set apart in the structural Paris a certain house, + on whose porch it had fashioned sculptures and made its windows precious. + But these ornaments I alone had eyes to see. Just as my father and mother + looked upon the house in which Swann lived as one that closely resembled + the other houses built at the same period in the neighbourhood of the + Bois, so Swann's family seemed to them to be in the same category as many + other families of stockbrokers. Their judgment was more or less favourable + according to the extent to which the family in question shared in merits + that were common to the rest of the universe, and there was about it + nothing that they could call unique. What, on the other hand, they did + appreciate in the Swanns they found in equal, if not in greater measure + elsewhere. And so, after admitting that the house was in a good position, + they would go on to speak of some other house that was in a better, but + had nothing to do with Gilberte, or of financiers on a larger scale than + her grandfather had been; and if they had appeared, for a moment, to be of + my opinion, that was a mistake which was very soon corrected. For in order + to distinguish in all Gilberte's surroundings an indefinable quality + analogous, in the scale of emotions, to what in the scale of colours is + called infra-red, a supplementary sense of perception was required, with + which love, for the time being, had endowed me; and this my parents + lacked. + </p> + <p> + On the days when Gilberte had warned me that she would not be coming to + the Champs-Elysées, I would try to arrange my walks so that I should be + brought into some kind of contact with her. Sometimes I would lead + Françoise on a pilgrimage to the house in which the Swanns lived, making + her repeat to me unendingly all that she had learned from the governess + with regard to Mme. Swann. "It seems, she puts great faith in medals. She + would never think of starting on a journey if she had heard an owl hoot, + or the death-watch in the wall, or if she had seen a cat at midnight, or + if the furniture had creaked. Oh yes! she's a most religious lady, she + is!" I was so madly in love with Gilberte that if, on our way, I caught + sight of their old butler taking the dog out, my emotion would bring me to + a standstill, I would fasten on his white whiskers eyes that melted with + passion. And Françoise would rouse me with: "What's wrong with you now, + child?" and we would continue on our way until we reached their gate, + where a porter, different from every other porter in the world, and + saturated, even to the braid on his livery, with the same melancholy charm + that I had felt to be latent in the name of Gilberte, looked at me as + though he knew that I was one of those whose natural unworthiness would + for ever prevent them from penetrating into the mysteries of the life + inside, which it was his duty to guard, and over which the ground-floor + windows appeared conscious of being protectingly closed, with far less + resemblance, between the nobly sweeping arches of their muslin curtains, + to any other windows in the world than to Gilberte's glancing eyes. On + other days we would go along the boulevards, and I would post myself at + the corner of the Rue Duphot; I had heard that Swann was often to be seen + passing there, on his way to the dentist's; and my imagination so far + differentiated Gilberte's father from the rest of humanity, his presence + in the midst of a crowd of real people introduced among them so miraculous + an element, that even before we reached the Madeleine I would be trembling + with emotion at the thought that I was approaching a street from which + that supernatural apparition might at any moment burst upon me unawares. + </p> + <p> + But most often of all, on days when I was not to see Gilberte, as I had + heard that Mme. Swann walked almost every day along the Allée des Acacias, + round the big lake, and in the Allée de la Reine Marguerite, I would guide + Françoise in the direction of the Bois de Boulogne. It was to me like one + of those zoological gardens in which one sees assembled together a variety + of flora, and contrasted effects in landscape; where from a hill one + passes to a grotto, a meadow, rocks, a stream, a trench, another hill, a + marsh, but knows that they are there only to enable the hippopotamus, + zebra, crocodile, rabbit, bear and heron to disport themselves in a + natural or a picturesque setting; this, the Bois, equally complex, uniting + a multitude of little worlds, distinct and separate—placing a stage + set with red trees, American oaks, like an experimental forest in + Virginia, next to a fir-wood by the edge of the lake, or to a forest grove + from which would suddenly emerge, in her lissom covering of furs, with the + large, appealing eyes of a dumb animal, a hastening walker—was the + Garden of Woman; and like the myrtle-alley in the Aeneid, planted for + their delight with trees of one kind only, the Allée des Acacias was + thronged by the famous Beauties of the day. As, from a long way off, the + sight of the jutting crag from which it dives into the pool thrills with + joy the children who know that they are going to behold the seal, long + before I reached the acacia-alley, their fragrance, scattered abroad, + would make me feel that I was approaching the incomparable presence of a + vegetable personality, strong and tender; then, as I drew near, the sight + of their topmost branches, their lightly tossing foliage, in its easy + grace, its coquettish outline, its delicate fabric, over which hundreds of + flowers were laid, like winged and throbbing colonies of precious insects; + and finally their name itself, feminine, indolent and seductive, made my + heart beat, but with a social longing, like those waltzes which remind us + only of the names of the fair dancers, called aloud as they entered the + ball-room. I had been told that I should see in the alley certain women of + fashion, who, in spite of their not all having husbands, were constantly + mentioned in conjunction with Mme. Swann, but most often by their + professional names;—their new names, when they had any, being but a + sort of incognito, a veil which those who would speak of them were careful + to draw aside, so as to make themselves understood. Thinking that Beauty—in + the order of feminine elegance—was governed by occult laws into the + knowledge of which they had been initiated, and that they had the power to + realise it, I accepted before seeing them, like the truth of a coming + revelation, the appearance of their clothes, of their carriages and + horses, of a thousand details among which I placed my faith as in an inner + soul which gave the cohesion of a work of art to that ephemeral and + changing pageant. But it was Mme. Swann whom I wished to see, and I waited + for her to go past, as deeply moved as though she were Gilberte, whose + parents, saturated, like everything in her environment, with her own + special charm, excited in me as keen a passion as she did herself, indeed + a still more painful disturbance (since their point of contact with her + was that intimate, that internal part of her life which was hidden from + me), and furthermore, for I very soon learned, as we shall see in due + course, that they did not like my playing with her, that feeling of + veneration which we always have for those who hold, and exercise without + restraint, the power to do us an injury. + </p> + <p> + I assigned the first place, in the order of aesthetic merit and of social + grandeur, to simplicity, when I saw Mme. Swann on foot, in a 'polonaise' + of plain cloth, a little toque on her head trimmed with a pheasant's wing, + a bunch of violets in her bosom, hastening along the Allée des Acacias as + if it had been merely the shortest way back to her own house, and + acknowledging with a rapid glance the courtesy of the gentlemen in + carriages, who, recognising her figure at a distance, were raising their + hats to her and saying to one another that there was never anyone so well + turned out as she. But instead of simplicity it was to ostentation that I + must assign the first place if, after I had compelled Françoise, who could + hold out no longer, and complained that her legs were 'giving' beneath + her, to stroll up and down with me for another hour, I saw at length, + emerging from the Porte Dauphine, figuring for me a royal dignity, the + passage of a sovereign, an impression such as no real Queen has ever since + been able to give me, because my notion of their power has been less + vague, and more founded upon experience—borne along by the flight of + a pair of fiery horses, slender and shapely as one sees them in the + drawings of Constantin Guys, carrying on its box an enormous coachman, + furred like a cossack, and by his side a diminutive groom, like Toby, "the + late Beaudenord's tiger," I saw—or rather I felt its outlines + engraved upon my heart by a clean and killing stab—a matchless + victoria, built rather high, and hinting, through the extreme modernity of + its appointments, at the forms of an earlier day, deep down in which lay + negligently back Mme. Swann, her hair, now quite pale with one grey lock, + girt with a narrow band of flowers, usually violets, from which floated + down long veils, a lilac parasol in her hand, on her lips an ambiguous + smile in which I read only the benign condescension of Majesty, though it + was pre-eminently the enticing smile of the courtesan, which she + graciously bestowed upon the men who bowed to her. That smile was, in + reality, saying to one: "Oh yes, I do remember, quite well; it was + wonderful!" to another: "How I should have loved to! We were + unfortunate!", to a third: "Yes, if you like! I must just keep in the line + for a minute, then as soon as I can I will break away." When strangers + passed she still allowed to linger about her lips a lazy smile, as though + she expected or remembered some friend, which made them say: "What a + lovely woman!". And for certain men only she had a sour, strained, shy, + cold smile which meant: "Yes, you old goat, I know that you've got a + tongue like a viper, that you can't keep quiet for a moment. But do you + suppose that I care what you say?" Coquelin passed, talking, in a group of + listening friends, and with a sweeping wave of his hand bade a theatrical + good day to the people in the carriages. But I thought only of Mme. Swann, + and pretended to have not yet seen her, for I knew that, when she reached + the pigeon-shooting ground, she would tell her coachman to 'break away' + and to stop the carriage, so that she might come back on foot. And on days + when I felt that I had the courage to pass close by her I would drag + Françoise off in that direction; until the moment came when I saw Mme. + Swann, letting trail behind her the long train of her lilac skirt, + dressed, as the populace imagine queens to be dressed, in rich attire such + as no other woman might wear, lowering her eyes now and then to study the + handle of her parasol, paying scant attention to the passers-by, as though + the important thing for her, her one object in being there, was to take + exercise, without thinking that she was seen, and that every head was + turned towards her. Sometimes, however, when she had looked back to call + her dog to her, she would cast, almost imperceptibly, a sweeping glance + round about. + </p> + <p> + Those even who did not know her were warned by something exceptional, + something beyond the normal in her—or perhaps by a telepathic + suggestion such as would move an ignorant audience to a frenzy of applause + when Berma was 'sublime'—that she must be some one well-known. They + would ask one another, "Who is she?", or sometimes would interrogate a + passing stranger, or would make a mental note of how she was dressed so as + to fix her identity, later, in the mind of a friend better informed than + themselves, who would at once enlighten them. Another pair, half-stopping + in their walk, would exchange: + </p> + <p> + "You know who that is? Mme. Swann! That conveys nothing to you? Odette de + Crécy, then?" + </p> + <p> + "Odette de Crécy! Why, I thought as much. Those great, sad eyes... But I + say, you know, she can't be as young as she was once, eh? I remember, I + had her on the day that MacMahon went." + </p> + <p> + "I shouldn't remind her of it, if I were you. She is now Mme. Swann, the + wife of a gentleman in the Jockey Club, a friend of the Prince of Wales. + Apart from that, though, she is wonderful still." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, but you ought to have known her then; Gad, she was lovely! She lived + in a very odd little house with a lot of Chinese stuff. I remember, we + were bothered all the time by the newsboys, shouting outside; in the end + she made me get up and go." + </p> + <p> + Without listening to these memories, I could feel all about her the + indistinct murmur of fame. My heart leaped with impatience when I thought + that a few seconds must still elapse before all these people, among whom I + was dismayed not to find a certain mulatto banker who (or so I felt) had a + contempt for me, were to see the unknown youth, to whom they had not, so + far, been paying the slightest attention, salute (without knowing her, it + was true, but I thought that I had sufficient authority since my parents + knew her husband and I was her daughter's playmate) this woman whose + reputation for beauty, for misconduct, and for elegance was universal. But + I was now close to Mme. Swann; I pulled off my hat with so lavish, so + prolonged a gesture that she could not repress a smile. People laughed. As + for her, she had never seen me with Gilberte, she did not know my name, + but I was for her—like one of the keepers in the Bois, like the + boatman, or the ducks on the lake, to which she threw scraps of bread—one + of the minor personages, familiar, nameless, as devoid of individual + character as a stage-hand in a theatre, of her daily walks abroad. + </p> + <p> + On certain days when I had missed her in the Allée des Acacias I would be + so fortunate as to meet her in the Allée de la Reine Marguerite, where + women went who wished to be alone, or to appear to be wishing to be alone; + she would not be alone for long, being soon overtaken by some man or + other, often in a grey 'tile' hat, whom I did not know, and who would talk + to her for some time, while their two carriages crawled behind. + </p> + <p> + * * * + </p> + <p> + That sense of the complexity of the Bois de Boulogne which made it an + artificial place and, in the zoological or mythological sense of the word, + a Garden, I captured again, this year, as I crossed it on my way to + Trianon, on one of those mornings, early in November, when in Paris, if we + stay indoors, being so near and yet prevented from witnessing the + transformation scene of autumn, which is drawing so rapidly to a close + without our assistance, we feel a regret for the fallen leaves that + becomes a fever, and may even keep us awake at night. Into my closed room + they had been drifting already for a month, summoned there by my desire to + see them, slipping between my thoughts and the object, whatever it might + be, upon which I was trying to concentrate them, whirling in front of me + like those brown spots that sometimes, whatever we may be looking at, will + seem to be dancing or swimming before our eyes. And on that morning, not + hearing the splash of the rain as on the previous days, seeing the smile + of fine weather at the corners of my drawn curtains, as from the corners + of closed lips may escape the secret of their happiness, I had felt that I + could actually see those yellow leaves, with the light shining through + them, in their supreme beauty; and being no more able to restrain myself + from going to look at the trees than, in my childhood's days, when the + wind howled in the chimney, I had been able to resist the longing to visit + the sea, I had risen and left the house to go to Trianon, passing through + the Bois de Boulogne. It was the hour and the season in which the Bois + seems, perhaps, most multiform, not only because it is then most divided, + but because it is divided in a different way. Even in the unwooded parts, + where the horizon is large, here and there against the background of a + dark and distant mass of trees, now leafless or still keeping their summer + foliage unchanged, a double row of orange-red chestnuts seemed, as in a + picture just begun, to be the only thing painted, so far, by an artist who + had not yet laid any colour on the rest, and to be offering their + cloister, in full daylight, for the casual exercise of the human figures + that would be added to the picture later on. + </p> + <p> + Farther off, at a place where the trees were still all green, one alone, + small, stunted, lopped, but stubborn in its resistance, was tossing in the + breeze an ugly mane of red. Elsewhere, again, might be seen the first + awakening of this Maytime of the leaves, and those of an ampelopsis, a + smiling miracle, like a red hawthorn flowering in winter, had that very + morning all 'come out,' so to speak, in blossom. And the Bois had the + temporary, unfinished, artificial look of a nursery garden or a park in + which, either for some botanic purpose or in preparation for a festival, + there have been embedded among the trees of commoner growth, which have + not yet been uprooted and transplanted elsewhere, a few rare specimens, + with fantastic foliage, which seem to be clearing all round themselves an + empty space, making room, giving air, diffusing light. Thus it was the + time of year at which the Bois de Boulogne displays more separate + characteristics, assembles more distinct elements in a composite whole + than at any other. It was also the time of day. In places where the trees + still kept their leaves, they seemed to have undergone an alteration of + their substance from the point at which they were touched by the sun's + light, still, at this hour in the morning, almost horizontal, as it would + be again, a few hours later, at the moment when, just as dusk began, it + would flame up like a lamp, project afar over the leaves a warm and + artificial glow, and set ablaze the few topmost boughs of a tree that + would itself remain unchanged, a sombre incombustible candelabrum beneath + its flaming crest. At one spot the light grew solid as a brick wall, and + like a piece of yellow Persian masonry, patterned in blue, daubed coarsely + upon the sky the leaves of the chestnuts; at another, it cut them off from + the sky towards which they stretched out their curling, golden fingers. + Half-way up the trunk of a tree draped with wild vine, the light had + grafted and brought to blossom, too dazzling to be clearly distinguished, + an enormous posy, of red flowers apparently, perhaps of a new variety of + carnation. The different parts of the Bois, so easily confounded in summer + in the density and monotony of their universal green, were now clearly + divided. A patch of brightness indicated the approach to almost every one + of them, or else a splendid mass of foliage stood out before it like an + oriflamme. I could make out, as on a coloured map, Armenonville, the Pré + Catalan, Madrid, the Race Course and the shore of the lake. Here and there + would appear some meaningless erection, a sham grotto, a mill, for which + the trees made room by drawing away from it, or which was borne upon the + soft green platform of a grassy lawn. I could feel that the Bois was not + really a wood, that it existed for a purpose alien to the life of its + trees; my sense of exaltation was due not only to admiration of the autumn + tints but to a bodily desire. Ample source of a joy which the heart feels + at first without being conscious of its cause, without understanding that + it results from no external impulse! Thus I gazed at the trees with an + unsatisfied longing which went beyond them and, without my knowledge, + directed itself towards that masterpiece of beautiful strolling women + which the trees enframed for a few hours every day. I walked towards the + Allée des Acacias. I passed through forest groves in which the morning + light, breaking them into new sections, lopped and trimmed the trees, + united different trunks in marriage, made nosegays of their branches. It + would skilfully draw towards it a pair of trees; making deft use of the + sharp chisel of light and shade, it would cut away from each of them half + of its trunk and branches, and, weaving together the two halves that + remained, would make of them either a single pillar of shade, defined by + the surrounding light, or a single luminous phantom whose artificial, + quivering contour was encompassed in a network of inky shadows. When a ray + of sunshine gilded the highest branches, they seemed, soaked and still + dripping with a sparkling moisture, to have emerged alone from the liquid, + emerald-green atmosphere in which the whole grove was plunged as though + beneath the sea. For the trees continued to live by their own vitality, + and when they had no longer any leaves, that vitality gleamed more + brightly still from the nap of green velvet that carpeted their trunks, or + in the white enamel of the globes of mistletoe that were scattered all the + way up to the topmost branches of the poplars, rounded as are the sun and + moon in Michelangelo's 'Creation.' But, forced for so many years now, by a + sort of grafting process, to share the life of feminine humanity, they + called to my mind the figure of the dryad, the fair worldling, swiftly + walking, brightly coloured, whom they sheltered with their branches as she + passed beneath them, and obliged to acknowledge, as they themselves + acknowledged, the power of the season; they recalled to me the happy days + when I was young and had faith, when I would hasten eagerly to the spots + where masterpieces of female elegance would be incarnate for a few moments + beneath the unconscious, accommodating boughs. But the beauty for which + the firs and acacias of the Bois de Boulogne made me long, more + disquieting in that respect than the chestnuts and lilacs of Trianon which + I was going to see, was not fixed somewhere outside myself in the relics + of an historical period, in works of art, in a little temple of love at + whose door was piled an oblation of autumn leaves ribbed with gold. I + reached the shore of the lake; I walked on as far as the pigeon-shooting + ground. The idea of perfection which I had within me I had bestowed, in + that other time, upon the height of a victoria, upon the raking thinness + of those horses, frenzied and light as wasps upon the wing, with bloodshot + eyes like the cruel steeds of Diomed, which now, smitten by a desire to + see again what I had once loved, as ardent as the desire that had driven + me, many years before, along the same paths, I wished to see renewed + before my eyes at the moment when Mme. Swann's enormous coachman, + supervised by a groom no bigger than his fist, and as infantile as Saint + George in the picture, endeavoured to curb the ardour of the flying, + steel-tipped pinions with which they thundered along the ground. Alas! + there was nothing now but motor-cars driven each by a moustached mechanic, + with a tall footman towering by his side. I wished to hold before my + bodily eyes, that I might know whether they were indeed as charming as + they appeared to the eyes of memory, little hats, so low-crowned as to + seem no more than garlands about the brows of women. All the hats now were + immense; covered with fruits and flowers and all manner of birds. In place + of the lovely gowns in which Mme. Swann walked like a Queen, appeared + Greco-Saxon tunics, with Tanagra folds, or sometimes, in the Directoire + style, 'Liberty chiffons' sprinkled with flowers like sheets of wallpaper. + On the heads of the gentlemen who might have been eligible to stroll with + Mme. Swann in the Allée de la Reine Marguerite, I found not the grey + 'tile' hats of old, nor any other kind. They walked the Bois bare-headed. + And seeing all these new elements of the spectacle, I had no longer the + faith which, applied to them, would have given them consistency, unity, + life; they passed in a scattered sequence before me, at random, without + reality, containing in themselves no beauty that my eyes might have + endeavoured as in the old days, to extract from them and to compose in a + picture. They were just women, in whose elegance I had no belief, and + whose clothes seemed to me unimportant. But when a belief vanishes, there + survives it—more and more ardently, so as to cloak the absence of + the power, now lost to us, of imparting reality to new phenomena—an + idolatrous attachment to the old things which our belief in them did once + animate, as if it was in that belief and not in ourselves that the divine + spark resided, and as if our present incredulity had a contingent cause—the + death of the gods. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, horrible!" I exclaimed to myself: "Does anyone really imagine that + these motor-cars are as smart as the old carriage-and-pair? I dare say. I + am too old now—but I was not intended for a world in which women + shackle themselves in garments that are not even made of cloth. To what + purpose shall I walk among these trees if there is nothing left now of the + assembly that used to meet beneath the delicate tracery of reddening + leaves, if vulgarity and fatuity have supplanted the exquisite thing that + once their branches framed? Oh, horrible! My consolation is to think of + the women whom I have known, in the past, now that there is no standard + left of elegance. But how can the people who watch these dreadful + creatures hobble by, beneath hats on which have been heaped the spoils of + aviary or garden-bed,—how can they imagine the charm that there was + in the sight of Mme. Swann, crowned with a close-fitting lilac bonnet, or + with a tiny hat from which rose stiffly above her head a single iris?" + Could I ever have made them understand the emotion that I used to feel on + winter mornings, when I met Mme. Swann on foot, in an otter-skin coat, + with a woollen cap from which stuck out two blade-like partridge-feathers, + but enveloped also in the deliberate, artificial warmth of her own house, + which was suggested by nothing more than the bunch of violets crushed into + her bosom, whose flowering, vivid and blue against the grey sky, the + freezing air, the naked boughs, had the same charming effect of using the + season and the weather merely as a setting, and of living actually in a + human atmosphere, in the atmosphere of this woman, as had in the vases and + beaupots of her drawing-room, beside the blazing fire, in front of the + silk-covered sofa, the flowers that looked out through closed windows at + the falling snow? But it would not have sufficed me that the costumes + alone should still have been the same as in those distant years. Because + of the solidarity that binds together the different parts of a general + impression, parts that our memory keeps in a balanced whole, of which we + are not permitted to subtract or to decline any fraction, I should have + liked to be able to pass the rest of the day with one of those women, over + a cup of tea, in a little house with dark-painted walls (as Mme. Swann's + were still in the year after that in which the first part of this story + ends) against which would glow the orange flame, the red combustion, the + pink and white flickering of her chrysanthemums in the twilight of a + November evening, in moments similar to those in which (as we shall see) I + had not managed to discover the pleasures for which I longed. But now, + albeit they had led to nothing, those moments struck me as having been + charming enough in themselves. I sought to find them again as I remembered + them. Alas! there was nothing now but flats decorated in the Louis XVI + style, all white paint, with hortensias in blue enamel. Moreover, people + did not return to Paris, now, until much later. Mme. Swann would have + written to me, from a country house, that she would not be in town before + February, had I asked her to reconstruct for me the elements of that + memory which I felt to belong to a distant era, to a date in time towards + which it was forbidden me to ascend again the fatal slope, the elements of + that longing which had become, itself, as inaccessible as the pleasure + that it had once vainly pursued. And I should have required also that they + be the same women, those whose costume interested me because, at a time + when I still had faith, my imagination had individualised them and had + provided each of them with a legend. Alas! in the acacia-avenue—the + myrtle-alley—I did see some of them again, grown old, no more now + than grim spectres of what once they had been, wandering to and fro, in + desperate search of heaven knew what, through the Virgilian groves. They + had long fled, and still I stood vainly questioning the deserted paths. + The sun's face was hidden. Nature began again to reign over the Bois, from + which had vanished all trace of the idea that it was the Elysian Garden of + Woman; above the gimcrack windmill the real sky was grey; the wind + wrinkled the surface of the Grand Lac in little wavelets, like a real + lake; large birds passed swiftly over the Bois, as over a real wood, and + with shrill cries perched, one after another, on the great oaks which, + beneath their Druidical crown, and with Dodonaic majesty, seemed to + proclaim the unpeopled vacancy of this estranged forest, and helped me to + understand how paradoxical it is to seek in reality for the pictures that + are stored in one's memory, which must inevitably lose the charm that + comes to them from memory itself and from their not being apprehended by + the senses. The reality that I had known no longer existed. It sufficed + that Mme. Swann did not appear, in the same attire and at the same moment, + for the whole avenue to be altered. The places that we have known belong + now only to the little world of space on which we map them for our own + convenience. None of them was ever more than a thin slice, held between + the contiguous impressions that composed our life at that time; + remembrance of a particular form is but regret for a particular moment; + and houses, roads, avenues are as fugitive, alas, as the years. + </p> + +<div style='display:block; margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SWANN’S WAY ***</div> +<div style='text-align:left'> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will +be renamed. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright +law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, +so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United +States without permission and without paying copyright +royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part +of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project +Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ +concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, +and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following +the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use +of the Project Gutenberg trademark. If you do not charge anything for +copies of this eBook, complying with the trademark license is very +easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as creation +of derivative works, reports, performances and research. Project +Gutenberg eBooks may be modified and printed and given away—you may +do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks not protected +by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the trademark +license, especially commercial redistribution. +</div> + +<div style='margin-top:1em; font-size:1.1em; text-align:center'>START: FULL LICENSE</div> +<div style='text-align:center;font-size:0.9em'>THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE</div> +<div style='text-align:center;font-size:0.9em'>PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +To protect the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase “Project +Gutenberg”), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full +Project Gutenberg™ License available with this file or online at +www.gutenberg.org/license. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'> +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg™ +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or +destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in your +possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a +Project Gutenberg™ electronic work and you do not agree to be bound +by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person +or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.B. “Project Gutenberg” is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg™ electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg™ electronic works if you follow the terms of this +agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg™ +electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation (“the +Foundation” or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection +of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. Nearly all the individual +works in the collection are in the public domain in the United +States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the +United States and you are located in the United States, we do not +claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing, +displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as +all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope +that you will support the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting +free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg™ +works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the +Project Gutenberg™ name associated with the work. You can easily +comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the +same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg™ License when +you share it without charge with others. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are +in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, +check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this +agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, +distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any +other Project Gutenberg™ work. The Foundation makes no +representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any +country other than the United States. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other +immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg™ License must appear +prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg™ work (any work +on which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” appears, or with which the +phrase “Project Gutenberg” is associated) is accessed, displayed, +performed, viewed, copied or distributed: +</div> + +<blockquote> + <div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> + This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most + other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions + whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms + of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online + at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you + are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws + of the country where you are located before using this eBook. + </div> +</blockquote> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is +derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not +contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the +copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in +the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are +redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase “Project +Gutenberg” associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply +either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or +obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg™ +trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any +additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms +will be linked to the Project Gutenberg™ License for all works +posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the +beginning of this work. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg™ +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg™. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg™ License. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including +any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access +to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg™ work in a format +other than “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other format used in the official +version posted on the official Project Gutenberg™ website +(www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense +to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means +of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original “Plain +Vanilla ASCII” or other form. Any alternate format must include the +full Project Gutenberg™ License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg™ works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works +provided that: +</div> + +<div style='margin-left:0.7em;'> + <div style='text-indent:-0.7em'> + • You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg™ works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed + to the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, but he has + agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project + Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid + within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are + legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty + payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project + Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in + Section 4, “Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg + Literary Archive Foundation.” + </div> + + <div style='text-indent:-0.7em'> + • You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg™ + License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all + copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue + all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg™ + works. + </div> + + <div style='text-indent:-0.7em'> + • You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of + any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of + receipt of the work. + </div> + + <div style='text-indent:-0.7em'> + • You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg™ works. + </div> +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project +Gutenberg™ electronic work or group of works on different terms than +are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing +from the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the manager of +the Project Gutenberg™ trademark. Contact the Foundation as set +forth in Section 3 below. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.F. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project +Gutenberg™ collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg™ +electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may +contain “Defects,” such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate +or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other +intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or +other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or +cannot be read by your equipment. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the “Right +of Replacement or Refund” described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg™ trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg™ electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium +with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you +with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in +lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person +or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second +opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If +the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing +without further opportunities to fix the problem. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you ‘AS-IS’, WITH NO +OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT +LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of +damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement +violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the +agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or +limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or +unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the +remaining provisions. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in +accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the +production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg™ +electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, +including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of +the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this +or any Project Gutenberg™ work, (b) alteration, modification, or +additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg™ work, and (c) any +Defect you cause. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'> +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg™ +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +Project Gutenberg™ is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of +computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It +exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations +from people in all walks of life. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg™’s +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg™ collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg™ and future +generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see +Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'> +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non-profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation’s EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by +U.S. federal laws and your state’s laws. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +The Foundation’s business office is located at 809 North 1500 West, +Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email contact links and up +to date contact information can be found at the Foundation’s website +and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact +</div> + +<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'> +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +Project Gutenberg™ depends upon and cannot survive without widespread +public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine-readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND +DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular state +visit <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/donate/">www.gutenberg.org/donate</a>. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +Please check the Project Gutenberg web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To +donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate +</div> + +<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'> +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg™ electronic works +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project +Gutenberg™ concept of a library of electronic works that could be +freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and +distributed Project Gutenberg™ eBooks with only a loose network of +volunteer support. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +Project Gutenberg™ eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in +the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not +necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper +edition. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +Most people start at our website which has the main PG search +facility: <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +This website includes information about Project Gutenberg™, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. +</div> + +</div> + +</body> +</html> |