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| author | nfenwick <nfenwick@pglaf.org> | 2025-01-17 05:07:57 -0800 |
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| committer | nfenwick <nfenwick@pglaf.org> | 2025-01-17 05:07:57 -0800 |
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diff --git a/72187-0.txt b/72187-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..11dd89d --- /dev/null +++ b/72187-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,136 @@ +
+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DEAR NAN GLANDERS ***
+
+
+
+
+
+ Dear NAN GLANDERS
+
+ By BETA McGAVIN
+
+ Illustrated by SUMMERS
+
+ _A time-travelling friend of ours recently returned
+ from the future with the following clipping from the_
+ Galactic Times. _It seems that even in the world of
+ tomorrow, there will always be an advice column, and
+ that folks will still be worried about such humdrum
+ things as interplanetary etiquette, and cosmic sex._
+
+ [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
+ Amazing Stories August 1962
+ Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
+ the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
+
+
+Dear Miss Glanders:
+
+From his childhood my Johnny has been an avid collector of bugs,
+snakes, birds' nests and other things. Our little Centurian home is
+crammed full with extra-terrestrial life forms as well. I put up with
+it as long as I could. Yesterday he brought home a native Centurian
+female. As you know it is a quasi-intelligent mammalian form with the
+breasts and hips of a woman, fish scales and tail and a horned head.
+Johnny insists he's going to marry her. What shall I do?
+
+ Distressed Mother
+
+
+_Dear Distressed_:
+
+_I suggest you contact your local fish and game department._
+
+ * * * * *
+
+Dear Nan Glanders:
+
+I am a hostess noted for my parties. Tomorrow we will have the
+Sirian ambassador and 2 of his 3 wives coming for a dinner party. How
+many forks and knives will be necessary for a guest with 3 sets of
+tentacles? Should I seat one of his wives on either side of him, or
+what?
+
+ Worried
+
+
+_Dear Worried_:
+
+_Seating arrangements are unnecessary as Sirians prefer to hang
+attached by the dorsal suction disk from a ceiling fixture and suspend
+their elongated trunks to the table below. Just have a dish of adobe
+type clay handy on the table and let them help themselves._
+
+ * * * * *
+
+Dear Miss Glanders:
+
+My mother-in-law is a noted TK with a high range of ESP and Prescience.
+Today she asked me if I was pregnant. Do you think she could have
+peeked at my mind?
+
+P.S. I am 5 months along but still get into my everyday clothes with
+the help of a safety pin.
+
+ Concerned
+
+
+_Dear Safety-pinned_:
+
+_It's high time_ You _peeked--and buy a maternity smock while you're at
+it_.
+
+_Confidential to "What will it be?" I've consulted an obstetrician
+for you. He said the baby_ has _to be human. A simple matter of
+differential chromosomes. So relax._
+
+ * * * * *
+
+Dear Nan:
+
+I was the victim of a billion to one transplat accident. When I came
+out of the transmitter after commuting to work one day, 2 extra copies
+of my original body rather than only the usual one were reassembled at
+the receiving end. In other words I became triplets with each person
+having the same memories and all. Nobody was around so I decided not
+to report it to the transplat company. Until now I was an ordinary guy
+who faithfully hands over his paycheck to the old girl every payday.
+Don't get me wrong, now. I'm a happily married man but I do like having
+a little spending money for myself and a night out with the boys every
+now and then. So the three of us made a deal. While one of us went to
+work, another one would be home and the third out on the town. We took
+turns, share and share alike. Then our wife caught two of us together
+and guessed the rest. She is suing for divorce and charging bigamy. We
+still love her though. How can we get her to listen to reason? Since
+the case is in the newspapers anyway, I might as well sign my name.
+Married for better or worse.
+
+ Jimmy Jones
+ Jimmy Jones
+ Jimmy Jones
+
+
+_Dear Joneses_:
+
+_Either reintegrate, or draw straws and two of you skidoo._
+
+ * * * * *
+
+Dear Nan Glanders:
+
+I am a debutante on tour through the United Planets. I have never been
+so humiliated in my life. Yesterday I was presented to a Rigellian and
+he spat on my new shoes. I would have slapped his face if I could have
+decided which one to hit.
+
+ Steaming
+
+_Dear Steaming_:
+
+_Simmer down. Spitting on the feet is the traditional Rigellian gesture
+of welcome. You should have replied by stepping on his tail. Next time
+read your tourists' guide book better._
+
+
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DEAR NAN GLANDERS ***
\ No newline at end of file diff --git a/72187-h/72187-h.htm b/72187-h/72187-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e1b2434 --- /dev/null +++ b/72187-h/72187-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,229 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html>
+<html lang="en">
+<head>
+ <meta charset="UTF-8">
+ <title>
+ Dear Nan Glanders | Project Gutenberg
+ </title>
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+
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+
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+
+/* Images */
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+ margin: auto;
+ text-align: center;
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+ max-width: 100%;
+}
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+<body>
+<div style='text-align:center'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DEAR NAN GLANDERS ***</div>
+
+<div class="titlepage">
+
+<h1>Dear NAN GLANDERS</h1>
+
+<p class="ph1">By BETA McGAVIN</p>
+
+<p>Illustrated by SUMMERS</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot">
+<p><i>A time-travelling friend of ours recently returned
+from the future with the following clipping from the</i>
+Galactic Times. <i>It seems that even in the world of
+tomorrow, there will always be an advice column, and
+that folks will still be worried about such humdrum
+things as interplanetary etiquette, and cosmic sex.</i></p></div>
+
+<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br>
+Amazing Stories August 1962<br>
+Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br>
+the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p>
+
+</div>
+
+<hr class="chap">
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp68" id="illus" style="max-width: 28.5em;">
+ <img class="w100" src="images/illus.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<hr class="chap">
+
+<p>Dear Miss Glanders:</p>
+
+<p>From his childhood my Johnny has been an avid collector of bugs,
+snakes, birds' nests and other things. Our little Centurian home is
+crammed full with extra-terrestrial life forms as well. I put up with
+it as long as I could. Yesterday he brought home a native Centurian
+female. As you know it is a quasi-intelligent mammalian form with the
+breasts and hips of a woman, fish scales and tail and a horned head.
+Johnny insists he's going to marry her. What shall I do?</p>
+
+<p class="ph2">Distressed Mother</p>
+
+
+<p><i>Dear Distressed</i>:</p>
+
+<p><i>I suggest you contact your local fish and game department.</i></p>
+
+<hr class="tb">
+
+<p>Dear Nan Glanders:</p>
+
+<p>I am a hostess noted for my parties. Tomorrow we will have the
+Sirian ambassador and 2 of his 3 wives coming for a dinner party. How
+many forks and knives will be necessary for a guest with 3 sets of
+tentacles? Should I seat one of his wives on either side of him, or
+what?</p>
+
+<p class="ph2">Worried</p>
+
+
+<p><i>Dear Worried</i>:</p>
+
+<p><i>Seating arrangements are unnecessary as Sirians prefer to hang
+attached by the dorsal suction disk from a ceiling fixture and suspend
+their elongated trunks to the table below. Just have a dish of adobe
+type clay handy on the table and let them help themselves.</i></p>
+
+<hr class="tb">
+
+<p>Dear Miss Glanders:</p>
+
+<p>My mother-in-law is a noted TK with a high range of ESP and Prescience.
+Today she asked me if I was pregnant. Do you think she could have
+peeked at my mind?</p>
+
+<p>P.S. I am 5 months along but still get into my everyday clothes with
+the help of a safety pin.</p>
+
+<p class="ph2">Concerned</p>
+
+
+<p><i>Dear Safety-pinned</i>:</p>
+
+<p><i>It's high time</i> You <i>peeked—and buy a maternity smock while you're at
+it</i>.</p>
+
+<p><i>Confidential to "What will it be?" I've consulted an obstetrician
+for you. He said the baby</i> has <i>to be human. A simple matter of
+differential chromosomes. So relax.</i></p>
+
+<hr class="tb">
+
+<p>Dear Nan:</p>
+
+<p>I was the victim of a billion to one transplat accident. When I came
+out of the transmitter after commuting to work one day, 2 extra copies
+of my original body rather than only the usual one were reassembled at
+the receiving end. In other words I became triplets with each person
+having the same memories and all. Nobody was around so I decided not
+to report it to the transplat company. Until now I was an ordinary guy
+who faithfully hands over his paycheck to the old girl every payday.
+Don't get me wrong, now. I'm a happily married man but I do like having
+a little spending money for myself and a night out with the boys every
+now and then. So the three of us made a deal. While one of us went to
+work, another one would be home and the third out on the town. We took
+turns, share and share alike. Then our wife caught two of us together
+and guessed the rest. She is suing for divorce and charging bigamy. We
+still love her though. How can we get her to listen to reason? Since
+the case is in the newspapers anyway, I might as well sign my name.
+Married for better or worse.</p>
+
+<p class="ph2">Jimmy Jones<br>
+Jimmy Jones<br>
+Jimmy Jones</p>
+
+
+<p><i>Dear Joneses</i>:</p>
+
+<p><i>Either reintegrate, or draw straws and two of you skidoo.</i></p>
+
+<hr class="tb">
+
+<p>Dear Nan Glanders:</p>
+
+<p>I am a debutante on tour through the United Planets. I have never been
+so humiliated in my life. Yesterday I was presented to a Rigellian and
+he spat on my new shoes. I would have slapped his face if I could have
+decided which one to hit.</p>
+
+<p class="ph2">Steaming</p>
+
+<p><i>Dear Steaming</i>:</p>
+
+<p><i>Simmer down. Spitting on the feet is the traditional Rigellian gesture
+of welcome. You should have replied by stepping on his tail. Next time
+read your tourists' guide book better.</i></p>
+
+<div style='text-align:center'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DEAR NAN GLANDERS ***</div>
+</body>
+</html>
diff --git a/72187-h/images/cover.jpg b/72187-h/images/cover.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..ec07ba5 --- /dev/null +++ b/72187-h/images/cover.jpg diff --git a/72187-h/images/illus.jpg b/72187-h/images/illus.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..f87024e --- /dev/null +++ b/72187-h/images/illus.jpg |
