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diff --git a/7282.txt b/7282.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0cd1afa --- /dev/null +++ b/7282.txt @@ -0,0 +1,5816 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Captiva and The Mostellaria, by Plautus + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Captiva and The Mostellaria + +Author: Plautus + + +Release Date: January, 2005 [EBook #7282] +This file was first posted on April 6, 2003 +Last Updated: May 15, 2013 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE CAPTIVA AND THE MOSTELLARIA *** + + + + +Produced by David Starner, Blain Nelson, Ted Garvin and +the Online Distributed Proofreading Team + + + + + + + + + +THE CAPTIVI AND THE MOSTELLARIA OF PLAUTUS + +Literally Translated _with notes_ + +BY HENRY THOMAS RILEY, B. A. + + +DRAMATIS PERSONAE. + + HEGIO, an Aetolian, father of Philopolemus. + PHILOCRATES, an Elean, captive in Aetolia. + TYNDARUS, his servant. + ARISTOPHONTES, an Elean, captive in Aetolia. + PHILOPOLEMUS, an Aetolian, captive in Elis. + ERGASILUS, a Parasite. + STALAGAMUS, the servant of Hegio. + A SLAVE of Hegio. + A LAD, the same. + +_Scene_.--A place in Aetolia. + +THE ACROSTIC ARGUMENT [1]. + +[Supposed to have been written by Priseian the Grammarian.] _One_ son of +Hegio has been made prisoner (_Captus_) in battle. A runaway slave +has sold the other (_Alium_) when four years old. The father (_Pater_) +traffics in Elean captives, only (_Tantum_) desirous that he may recover +his son, and (_Et_) among these he buys his son that was formerly lost. +He (_Is_), his clothes and his name changed with his master, causes that +(_Ut_) he is lost _to Hegio_; _and_ he himself is punished. And (_Et_) +he brings back the captive and the runaway together, through whose +information (_Indicio_) he discovers his other. + +[Footnote 1: In this Acrostic it will be found that the old form of +"Capteivei" is preserved.] + +* * * * * + +THE PROLOGUE. + +These two captives (_pointing to_ PHILOCRATES _and_ TYNDARUS), whom +you see standing here, are standing here because--they are both [1] +standing, _and_ are not sitting. That I am saying this truly, you are my +witnesses. The old man, who lives here (_pointing to_ HEGIO's +_house_), is Hegio--his father (_pointing to_ TYNDARUS). But under +what circumstances he is the slave of his own father, that I will here +explain to you, if you give attention. This old man had two sons; a +slave stole one child when four years old, and flying hence, he sold +him in Elis [2], to the father of this _captive_ (_pointing to_ +PHILOCRATES). Now, do you understand this? Very good. I' faith, that man +at a distance [3] there (_pointing_) says, no. Come nearer _then_. If +there isn't room for you to sit down, there is for you to walk; since +you'd be compelling an actor to bawl like a beggar [4]. I'm not going +to burst myself for your sake, _so_ don't you be mistaken. You who are +enabled by your means to pay your taxes [5], listen to the rest [6]; +I care not to be in debt to another. This runaway _slave_, as I said +before, sold his _young_ master, whom, when he fled, he had carried +off, to this one's father. He, after he bought him, gave him as his own +private slave [7] to this son of his, because they were of about the +same age. He is now the slave at home of his own father, nor does his +father know it. Verily, the Gods do treat us men just like footballs +[8]. You hear the manner _now_ how he lost one _son_. Afterwards, the +Aetolians [9] are waging war with the people of Elis, _and_, as happens +in warfare, the other son is taken prisoner. The physician Menarchus +buys him there in Elis. _On this_, this _Hegio_ begins to traffic in +Elean captives, if, _perchance_, he may be able to find one to change +for that captive _son_ of his. He knows not that this one who is in his +house is his own _son_. And as he heard yesterday that an Elean knight +of very high rank and very high family was taken prisoner, he has spared +no expense to rescue his son [10]. In order that he may more easily +bring him back home, he buys both of these of the Quaestors [11] out of +the spoil. + +Now they, between themselves, have contrived this plan, that, by means +of it, the servant may send away hence his master home. And therefore +among themselves they change their garments and their names. He, there +(_pointing_), is called Philocrates; this one (_pointing_), Tyndarus; +he this day assumes the character of this one, this one of him. And this +one to-day will cleverly carry out this plot, and cause his master to +gain his liberty; and by the same means he will save his own brother, +and without knowing it, will cause him to return back a free man to +his own country to his father, just as often now, on many occasions, a +person has done more good unknowingly than knowingly. But unconsciously, +by their devices, they have so planned and devised their plot, and have +so contrived it by their design, that this one is living in servitude +with his own father. _And_ thus now, in ignorance, he is the slave of +his own father. What poor creatures are men, when I reflect upon it! +This plot will be performed by us--a play for your _entertainment_. But +there is, besides, a thing which, in a few words, I would wish to inform +you of. Really, it will be worth your while to give your attention to +this play. 'Tis not composed in the hackneyed style, nor yet like other +_plays_, nor are there in it any ribald lines [12] unfit for utterance: +here is neither the perjured procurer, nor the artful courtesan, nor yet +the braggart captain. Don't you be afraid because I've said that there's +war between the Aetoliains and the Eleans. There (_pointing_), at a +distance, beyond the scenes, the battles will be fought. For this were +almost impossible for a Comic establishment[13], that we should at a +moment attempt to be acting Tragedy. If, therefore, any one is looking +for a battle, let him commence the quarrel; if he shall find an +adversary more powerful, I'll cause him to be the spectator of a battle +that isn't pleasant _to him_, so that hereafter he shall hate to be +a spectator of them all. I _now_ retire. Fare ye well, at home, most +upright judges, and in warfare most valiant combatants. + +[Footnote 1: _Because--they are both_)--Ver. 2. This is apparently +intended as a piece of humour, in catching or baulking the audience. He +begins as though he was going to explain why the captives are standing +there, and ends his explanation with saying that they are standing +because they are not sitting. A similar truism is uttered by Pamphila, +in the Stichus, l. 120.] + +[Footnote 2: _In Elis_)--Ver. 9. Elis, or, as it is called by Plautus, +"Alis," was a city of Achaia, in the north-western part of the +Peloponnesus. Near it the Olympic games were celebrated.] + +[Footnote 3: _That man at a distance_)--Ver. 11. One of the audience, +probably a plebeian who has no seat, but is standing in a remote part of +the theatre, is supposed to exclaim in a rude manner that he cannot hear +what the actor says. On this the speaker tells him that he had better +come nearer; and if he cannot find a seat, there is room for him to walk +away. Possibly the verb "ambulo" may be intended to signify in this case +either "to walk" or "to stand," in contradistinction to sitting. +Rost, with some reason, suggests "abscedito" "walk out," in place of +"accedito," "come nearer."] + +[Footnote 4: _To bawl like a beggar_)--Ver. 13. Commentators have +differed as to the meaning of this passage. Some think that he means +that with the view of pleasing the plebeian part of the audience, he +shall not bawl out like a beggar asking alms; while others suppose that +the meaning is, that he will not run the risk of cracking his voice, +after which he will be hissed off the stage, and so be reduced to +beggary.] + +[Footnote 5: _To pay your taxes_)--Ver. 15. By this he shows that the +party whom he is addressing, is either one of the lowest plebeians or a +slave. In the assessment or census, which was made by the Censors, the +slaves were not numbered at all, being supposed to have no "caput," or +"civil condition." The lowest century were the "proletarii," whose only +qualification was the being heads of families, or fathers of children. +In addressing those who are reckoned in the census "ope vestra," +"by your means" or "circumstances," he seems to be rebuking the +"proletarii," who had no such standing, and who probably formed the +most noisy part of the audience. As these paid no part of the taxes +with which the theatres were in part supported, of course they would +be placed at a greater distance from the stage, and probably were not +accommodated with seats. It was just about this period that the elder +Scipio assigned different places in the theatres to the various classes +of the people.] + +[Footnote 6: _Listen to the rest_)--Ver. 16. "Reliquum" was a term which +either signified generally, "what is left," or money borrowed and still +unpaid. He plays upon these different meanings--"Accipite reliquum," +which may either signify "hear the rest" or "take what is due and +owing," and he then makes the observation, parenthetically, "alieno uti +nil moror," "I don't care to be in debt."] + +[Footnote 7: _His own private slave_)--Ver. 20. "Peculiaris" means "for +his own private use," or "attached to his person;" being considered +as though bought with his son's "peculium," or out of his own private +purse. The "peculium" was the sum of money which a son in his minority +was allowed by his father to be in possession of. The word also +signified the savings of the slave.] + +[Footnote 8: _Just like footballs_)--Ver. 22. "Pilas." Among the +ancients, games with the "pila" were those played with the "pila +trigonalis," so called, probably, from the players standing in a +triangle, and those with the "follis," which was a larger ball, inflated +with air and struck with the hands, or used for a football. "Paganica" +was a similar ball, but harder, being stuffed with feathers, and was +used by the country-people. "Harpastum" was a small ball used by the +Greeks, which was scrambled for as soon as it came to the ground, +whence it received its name. The Greeks had a proverb similar to this +expression, [Greek: Theon paignia anthropoi], "men are the playthings of +the Gods." So Plato called mankind [Greek: Theon athurmata], "the sport +of the Gods."] + +[Footnote 9: _The Aetolians_)--Ver. 24. Aetolia was a country of Greece, +the southern portion of which was bounded by the Corinthian Gulf; it was +opposite to the Elean territory, from which it was divided by the gulf.] + +[Footnote 10: _To rescue his son_)--Ver. 32. "Filio dum parceret." +Literally, "so long as he might spare his son."] + +[Footnote 11: _Of the Quaestors_)--Ver. 34. In speaking of these +officers, Plautus, as usual, introduces Roman customs into a Play the +scene of which is in Greece. It has been previously remarked that the +Quaestors had the selling of the spoils taken in war] + +[Footnote 12: _Any ribald lines_)--Ver. 56. See the address of the +Company of actors to the Spectators at the end of the Play.] + +[Footnote 13: _A Comic establishment_)--Ver. 61. "Comico choragio." +Literally, "for the choragium of Comedy." The "choragium" was the +dress and furniture, or "properties" for the stage, supplied by the +"choragus." or keeper of the theatrical wardrobe.] + + +ACT I.--SCENE I. + +_Enter_ ERGASILUS. + +ERG. The young men have given me the name of "the mistress," for this +reason, because invocated [1] I am wont to attend at the banquet. I know +that buffoons [2] say that this is absurdly said, but I affirm that +it is rightly _said_. For at the banquet the lover, when he throws the +dice, invokes his mistress.[3] Is she _then_ invocated, or _is she_ not? +She is, most clearly. But, i' faith, we Parasites with better reason +_are so called_, whom no person ever either invites or invokes, _and +who_, like mice, are always eating the victuals of another person. When +business is laid aside [4], when people repair to the country, at that +same moment is business laid aside for our teeth. Just as, when it is +hot weather, snails lie hidden in secret, _and_ live upon their own +juices, if the dew doesn't fall; so, when business is laid aside, do +Parasites lie hidden in retirement, _and_ miserably live upon their +own juices, while in the country the persons are rusticating whom they +sponge upon. When business is laid aside, we Parasites are greyhounds; +when business recommences, _like_ mastiffs [5], we are annoying-like and +very troublesome-like [6]. + +And here, indeed, unless, i'faith, any Parasite is able to endure cuffs +with the fist, and pots to be broken [7] about his head, why he may e'en +go with his wallet outside the Trigeminian Gate [8]. That this may prove +my lot, there is some danger. For since my patron [9] has fallen into +the hands of the enemy--(such warfare are the Aetolians now waging with +the Eleans; for this is Aetolia; this Philopolemus has been made captive +in Elis, the son of this old man Hegio who lives here (_pointing to the +house_)--a house which to me is _a house_ of woe, _and_ which so oft +as I look upon, I weep). Now, for the sake of his son, has he commenced +this dishonorable traffic, very much against his own inclination. He +buys up men that have been made captives, if _perchance_ he may be able +to find some one for whom to gain his son in exchange. An object which I +really do much desire that he may gain, for unless he finds him, there's +nowhere for me to find myself. I have no hopes in the young men; they +are all _too_ fond of themselves. He, in fine, is a youth with the +old-fashioned manners, whose countenance I never rendered cheerful +without a return. His father is worthily matched, as endowed with like +manners. Now I'll go to him;--but his door is opening, _the door_ from +which full oft I've sallied forth drunk with excess of cheer (_He stands +aside._) + +[Footnote 1: _Because invocated_)--Ver. 70. "Invocatus." The following +Note is extracted from Thornton's Translation of this Play:-- "The +reader's indulgence for the coinage of a new term (and perhaps not quite +so much out of character from the mouth of a Parasite) is here requested +in the use of the word 'invocated' in a sense, which it is owned, there +is no authority for, but without it no way occurs to explain the poet's +meaning--which, such as it is, and involved in such a pun, is all that +can be aimed at. The word 'invocatus' means both 'called upon' and +'not called upon.' Ergasilus here quibbles upon it; for, though at +entertainments be attends, as it is the common character of Parasites to +do, without invitation, that is 'not called upon;' and as mistresses are +'called upon' that their names so invoked may make their lovers throw +the dice with success; still, according to the double sense of the word, +they may be compared to each other, as they are both, according to the +Latin idiom, 'invocati.'"] + +[Footnote 2: _That buffoons_)--Ver. 71. "Derisores," "buffoons." By +this word he means that particular class of Parasites who earned their +dinners by their repartees and bon-mots.] + +[Footnote 3: _Invokes his mistress_)--Ver. 73. It was the Grecian +custom, when they threw dice at an entertainment, for the thrower to +call his mistress by name, which invocation was considered to bring good +luck.] + +[Footnote 4: _When business is laid aside_)--Ver. 78. "Ubi res prolatae +sunt." Meaning thereby "in vacation-time." In the heat of summer the +courts of justice were closed, and the more wealthy portion of the +Romans retired into the country or to the seaside. Cicero mentions this +vacation as "rerum proliatio." The allusion in the previous line is +probably derived from a saying of the Cynic Diogenes: when he saw +mice creeping under the table, he used to say, "See the Parasites of +Diogenes."] + +[Footnote 5: _Like mastiffs_)--Ver. 86. "Molossici." Literally, "dogs +of Molossus," a country of Epirus.] + +[Footnote 6: _Annoying-like and very troublesome-like_)--Ver. 87. +"Odiosici--incommodestici." These are two extravagant forms of the words +"odiosi" and "incommodi," coined by the author for the occasion.] + +[Footnote 7: _Pots to be broken_)--Ver. 89. By Meursius we are informed +that these practical jokes were played upon the unfortunate Parasites +with pots filled with cinders, which were sometimes scattered over their +clothes, to the great amusement of their fellow-guests.] + +[Footnote 8: _The Trigeminian Gate_)--Ver. 90. The Ostian Gate was +so called because the Horatii left the city by that gate to fight the +Curiatii. The brothers being born at one birth were "trigemini," whence +the gate received its name. The beggars with their wallets were seated +there. See the Trinummus, 1.423, and the Note to the passage.] + +[Footnote 9: _Since my patron_)--Ver. 92. Rex; literally, "king." The +Parasites were in the habit of so calling their entertainers.] + + +SCENE II.--_Enter, from his house, _HEGIO _and a_ SLAVE. + +HEG. _Now_, give attention you, if you please. Those two captives whom +I purchased yesterday of the Quaestors out of the spoil, put upon them +chains of light weight [1]; take of those greater ones with which they +are bound. Permit them to walk, if they wish, out of doors, _or_ if +in-doors, but so that they are watched with the greatest care. A captive +at liberty is like a bird that's wild; if opportunity is once given for +escaping, 'tis enough; after that, you can never catch him. + +SLAVE. Doubtless we all are free men more willingly than we live the +life of slaves. + +HEG. You, indeed, don't seem _to think_ so [2]. + +SLAVE. If I have nothing to give, should you like me to give myself to +flight [3]? + +HEG. If you do so give _yourself_, I shall at once have something to be +giving to you. + +SLAVE. I'll make myself just like the wild bird you were telling of. + +HEG. 'Tis just as you say; for if you do so, I'll be giving you to the +cage [4] But enough of prating; take you care of what I've ordered, and +be off. (_The_ SLAVE _goes into the house._) I'll away to my brother's, +to my other captives; I'll go see whether they've been making any +disturbance last night. From there I shall forthwith betake myself home +again. + +ERG. (_apart_). It grieves me that this unhappy old man is following the +trade of a slave-dealer, by reason of the misfortune of his son. But, if +by any means he can be brought back here, I could even endure for him to +become an executioner. + +HEG. (_overhearing him_). Who is it that's speaking? + +ERG. 'Tis I, who am pining at your affliction, growing thin, waxing old, +and shockingly wasting away. Wretched man that I am, I'm _but_ skin and +bone through leanness; nor does anything ever do me good that I eat +at home; even that ever so little which I taste out of doors, the same +refreshes me. + +HEG. Ergasilus, save you! ERG. (_crying_). May the Gods kindly bless +you, Hegio! + +HEG. Don't weep. ERG. Must I not weep for him? Must I not weep for such +a young man? + +HEG. I've always known you to be a friend to my son, and I have +understood him _to be so_ to you. + +ERG. Then at last do we men know our blessings, when we have lost those +things which we _once_ had in our power. I, since your son fell into the +power of the enemy, knowing by experience of what value he was, now feel +his loss. + +HEG. Since you, who are no relation, bear his misfortune so much amiss, +what is it likely that I, a father, should do, whose only _son_ he is? + +ERG. I, no relation _to him_? He, no relation _to me_? Oh, Hegio! never +do say that, nor come to such a belief. To you he is an only _child_, +but to me he is even more only than an only one. + +HEG. I commend you, in that you consider the affliction of your friend +your own affliction. Now be of good heart. + +ERG. (_crying_). O dear! HEG. (_half-aside_). 'Tis this afflicts him, +that the army for guttling is now disbanded. Meanwhile, have you found +no one to command for you the army that you mentioned as disbanded? + +ERG. What do you think? All to whom it used to fall are in the habit of +declining that province since your son Philopolemus was taken prisoner. + +HEG. I' faith, 'tisn't to be wondered at, that they are in the habit +of declining that province. You have necessity for numerous troops, and +those of numerous kinds. Well, first you have need of the Bakerians +[5]. Of these Bakerians there are several kinds. You have need of +Roll-makerians, you hare need too of Confectionerians, you have need of +Poultererians, you have need of Beccaficorians; besides all the maritime +forces are necessary for you. + +ERG. How the greatest geniuses do frequently lie concealed! How great a +general now is _this_ private individual! + +HEG. Only have good courage; for I trust that in a few days I shall +bring him back home. For see _now_; there's a captive here, a young man +of Elis, born of a very high family, and of very great wealth; I trust +that it will come to pass that I shall get my son in exchange for him. + +ERG. May the Gods and Goddesses grant it so! + +HEG. But are you invited out anywhere to dinner? + +ERG. Nowhere that I know of. But, pray, why do you ask me? + +HEG. Because this is my birthday; for that reason I'd like you to be +invited to dinner at my house. + +ERG. 'Tis kindly said. HEG. But if you can be content to eat a very +little-- + +ERG. Aye, even ever so little; for on such fare as that do, I enjoy +myself every day at home. + +HEG. Come, _then_, please, set yourself up for sale. + +ERG. I'll put myself up for purchase, just like a landed estate, unless +any one shall _privately_ make a better offer that pleases myself and my +friends more, _and_ to my own conditions will I bind myself. + +HEG. You are surely selling me a bottomless pit [6], _and_ not a landed +estate. But if you are coming, _do so_ in time. + +ERG. Why, for that matter. I'm at leisure even now. + +HEG. Go then, _and_ hunt for a hare; at present, _in me_ you have but a +ferret [7], for my fare is in the way of frequenting a rugged road. + +ERG. You'll never repulse me by that, Hegio, so don't attempt it. I'll +come, in spite of it, with teeth well shod. + +HEG. Really, my viands are _but_ of a rough sort [8]. ERG. Are you in +the habit of eating brambles? + +HEG. _Mine_ is an earthy dinner. ERG. A pig is an earthy animal. + +HEG. _Earthy_ from its plenty of vegetables. + +ERG. Treat your sick people [9] at home _with that fare?_ Do you wish +anything else? + +HEG. Come in good time. ERG. You are putting in mind one who remembers +quite well. (_Exit._ + +HEG. I'll go in-doors, and in the house I'll make the calculation how +little money I have at my banker's; afterwards I'll go to my brother's, +whither I was saying I would go. (_Goes into his house._) + +[Footnote 1: _Chains of light weight_)--Ver. 112. "Singularias" This +word may admit of three interpretations, and it is impossible to decide +which is the right one. It may mean chains weighting a single +"libra," or pound; it may signify chains for the captives singly, in +contradistiniction to those by which they were fastened to each other; +or it may mean single chains, in opposition to double ones. In the Acts +of the Apostles, ch. 12, v. 6, we read that St. Peter was bound with two +chains; and in ch. 13, v. 33, the chief captain orders St. Paul to be +bound with two chains.] + +[Footnote 2: _Don't seem to think so_)--Ver. 120. Hegio means to say +that the slave does not seem to think liberty so very desirable, or +he would try more to please his master and do his duty, which might +probably be the right method for gaining his liberty. As the slave could +generally ransom himself out of his "peculium," or "savings," if they +were sufficient, the slave here either thinks, or pretends to think, +that Hegio is censuring him for not taking those means, and answer, +accordingly, that he has nothing to offer] + +[Footnote 3: _Give myself to flight_)--Ver. 121. "Dem in pedes." +Literally, "give myself to my feet," meaning thereby "to run away." He +puns upon this meaning of "dare," and its common signification of "to +give" or "to offer to give."] + +[Footnote 4: _Giving you to the cage_)--Ver. 124. "In cavears." He plays +on the word "cavea," which meaning "a cage" for a bird, might also mean +confinement for a prisoner.] + +[Footnote 5: _The Bakerians_)--Ver. 162. This and the following +appellations are expressive both of the several trades that contributed +to furnishing entertainments, and, in the Latin, also denoted the names +of inhabitants of several places in Italy or elsewhere. As this meaning +could not be expressed in a literal translation of them, the original +words are here subjoined. In the word "Pistorienses," he alludes to +the bakers, and the natives of Pistorium, a town of Etruria; in the +"Panicei," to the bread or roll bakers, and the natives of Pana, a +little town of the Samnites, mentioned by Strabo; in the "Placentini," +to the "confectioners" or "cake-makers," and the people of Placentia, a +city in the North of Italy; in the "Turdetani," to the "poulterers" +or "sellers of thrushes," and the people of Turdentania, a district +of Spain; and in the "Fiendulae," to the "sellers of beccaficos," a +delicate bird, and the inhabitants of Ficculae, a town near Rome. Of +course, these appellations, as relating to the trades, are only comical +words coined for the occasion.] + +[Footnote 6: _A bottomless pit_)--Ver. 183. He plays upon the +resemblance in sound of the word "fundum," "landed property," to +"profundum," "a deep cavity," to which he compares the Parasite's +stomach. "You sell me landed property, indeed; say rather a bottomless +pit."] + +[Footnote 7: _Have but a ferret_)--Ver. 185. This passage has much +puzzled the Commentators; but allowing for some very far-fetched wit, +which is not uncommon with Plautus, it may admit of some explanation. He +tells the Parasite that he had better look for a nicer dinner, a hare, +in fact; for that in dining with him, he will only get the ferret (with +which the hare was hunted) for his dinner. Then, inasmuch as the +ferret was and for following the bare or rabbit into "scruposae viae," +"impervious" or "rocky places" where they had burrowed, he adds: "For +my dinner, ferret-like, frequents ragged places;" by which he probably +means that it is nothing but a meagre repast of vegetables, of which +possibly capers formed a part, which grow plentifully in Italy, in +old ruins and craggy spots. Some suggest that it was a custom with the +huntsmen, if they failed to catch the hurt, to kill and eat the ferret.] + +[Footnote 8: _Are but of a rough sort_)--Ver. 189. The word "asper" +means either "unsavoury" or "prickly," according to the context. Hegio +means to use it in the former sense, but the Parasite, for the sake of +repartee, chooses to take it in the latter.] + +[Footnote 9: _Treat your sick people_)--Ver. 191. He means that such a +dinner may suit sick people, but will not be to his taste.] + + +ACT II.--SCENE I. + +_Enter, from the house,_ PHILOCRATES, TYNDARUS, _and_ SLAVES _and_ +CAPTIVES of HEGIO. + +SLAVE. If the immortal Gods have so willed it that you should undergo +this affliction, it becomes you to endure it with equanimity; if you +do so, your trouble will be lighter [1]. At home you were free men, I +suppose; now if slavery has befallen you, 'tis a becoming way for you +to put up with it, and by your dispositions to render it light, under +a master's rule. Unworthy actions which a master does must be deemed +Worthy ones. + +PHIL. _and_ TYND. Alas! alas! alas! SLAVE. There's no need for wailing; +you cause much injury to your eyes. In adversity, if you use fortitude +of mind, it is of service. + +PHIL. _and_ TYND. But we are ashamed, because we are in bonds. + +SLAVE. But in the result it might cause vexation to our master, if he +were to release you from chains, or allow you to be loose, whom he has +purchased with his money. + +PHIL. _and_ TYND. What does he fear from us? We know our duty, what it +is, if he allows us to be loose. + +SLAVE. Why, you are meditating escape. I know what it is you are +devising. + +PHIL. _and_ TYND. We, make our escape? Whither should we escape? + +SLAVE. To your own country. PHIL. _and_ TYND. Out upon you; it would ill +befit us to be following the example of runaways. + +SLAVE. Why, faith, should there be an opportunity, I don't advise you +not. + +PHIL. _and_ TYND. Do you allow us to make one request. + +SLAVE. What is it, pray? PHIL. _and_ TYND. That you will give us an +opportunity of conversing, without these and yourselves for overlookers. + +SLAVE. Be it so; go you away from here, _you people_. Let's step here, +on one side. (_To the other_ CAPTIVES _and_ SLAVES.) But commence upon a +short conversation _only_. + +PHIL. O yes, it was my intention so to do. Step aside this way (_to_ +TYNDARUS). + +SLAVE (_to the other_ CAPTIVES). Stand apart from them. + +TYND. (_to the_ SLAVE). "We are Both greatly obliged to you, by reason +of your doing so, since you allow us to obtain what we are desirous of. + +PHIL. Step here then, at a distance now, if you think fit, that no +listeners may be enabled to overhear our discourse, and that this plan +of ours mayn't be divulged before them for a stratagem is no stratagem, +if you don't plan it with art but _it is_ a very great misfortune if it +becomes disclosed. For if you are my master, and I represent myself as +your servant, still there's need of foresight, _and_ need of caution, +that this may be carried out discreetly and without overlookers, with +carefulness and with cautious prudence and diligence. So great is the +matter that has been commenced upon; this must not be carried out in any +drowsy fashion. + +TYND. Just as you shall desire me to be, I will be. + +PHIL. I trust _so_. TYND. For now you see that for your precious life +I'm setting at stake my own, _as_ dear _to me_. + +PHIL. I know it. TYND. But remember to know it when you shall be +enjoying that which you wish for; for mostly, the greatest part of +mankind follow this fashion; what they wish for, until they obtain it, +they are rightminded; but when they have now got it in their power, from +being rightminded they become most deceitful, and most dishonest; now +I do consider that you are towards me as I wish. What I advise you, I +would advise my own father. + +PHIL. I' faith, if I could venture, I would call you father; for next to +my own father, you are my nearest father. + +TYND. I understand. PHIL. And therefore I remind you the more +frequently, that you may remember it. I am not your master, but your +servant; now this one thing I do beseech you. Inasmuch as the immortal +Gods hare disclosed to us their wishes, that they desire me to have +_once_ been your master, and now to be your fellow-captive; what +formerly of my right I used to command you, now with entreaties do I +beg of you, by our uncertain fortunes, and by the kindness of my father +towards you, _and_ by our common captivity, which has befallen us by the +hand of the enemy, don't you pay me any greater respect than _I did you_ +when you were my slave; and don't you forget to remember who you were, +and who you now are. + +TYND. I know, indeed, that I now am you, and that you are I. + +PHIL. Well, if you are able carefully to remember that, I have _some_ +hope in this scheme _of ours_. + +[Footnote 1: _Will be lighter_)--Ver. 197. The English proverb +corresponds with this: What can't be cured must be endured.] + + +SCENE II.--_Enter_ HEGIO, _from his house, speaking to those within._ + +HEG. I shall return in-doors just now, when I shall have discovered from +these people what I want _to know_. (_To the_ SLAVES.) Where are those +persons whom I ordered to be brought out of doors here, before the +house? + +PHIL. By my faith, I find that you have taken due precaution that we +shouldn't be missed by you, so walled in are we with chains and keepers. + +HEG. He that takes precaution that he mayn't be deceived, is hardly on +his guard, even while he's taking precaution; even when he has supposed +that he has taken every precaution, full often is this wary man +outwitted. Was there not good reason, indeed, for me to watch you +carefully, whom I purchased with so large a sum of ready money? + +PHIL. Troth, it isn't fair for us to hold you to blame, because you +watch us _closely_; nor yet for you us, if we go away hence, should +there be an opportunity. + +HEG. As you _are_ here, so is my son a captive there among your people. + +PHIL. He, a captive? + +HEG. Even so. + +PHIL. We, then, have not proved the only cowards [1]. + +HEG. (_to PHILOCRATES, _supposing him to be the SERVANT of the other_). +Step you aside this way, for there are some things that I wish to +enquire of you in private, on which subjects I would have you not to be +untruthful to me. (_They step aside._) + +PHIL. I will not be, as to that which I shall know; if I shall not know +anything, that which I don't know I'll tell you of. + +TYND. (_aside_). Now is the old fellow in the barber's shop; now, at +this very instant, is _Philocrates_ wielding the razor [2]. He hasn't +cared, indeed, to put on the barber's cloth [3], so as not to soil his +dress. But whether to say that he's going to share him close, or _trim +him_ [4] through the comb [5], I don't know; but if he's wise, he'll +scrape him right well to the very quick. + +HEG. (_to_ PHILOCRATES). Which would you? Would you prefer to be a +slave, or a free man?--Tell me. + +PHIL. That which is the nearest to good, and the furthest off from evil, +do I prefer; although my servitude hasn't proved very grievous _to me_, +nor has it been otherwise to me than if I had been a son in the family. + +TYND. (_aside_). Capital! I wouldn't purchase, at a talent's price +_even_, Thales the Milesian [6]; for compared with this man's wisdom, +he was a very twaddler. How cleverly has he suited his language to the +slave's condition. + +HEG. Of what family is this Philocrates born? + +PHIL. The Polyplusian [7]; which one family is flourishing there, and +held in highest esteem. + +HEG. What is he himself? In what esteem is he held there? + +PHIL. In the highest, and _that_ by the very highest men. + +HEG. Since, then, he is held in such great respect among the Eleans, as +you tell of, what substance has he?--Of large amount? + +PHIL. _Enough for him, even_, when an old man, to be melting out the +tallow [8] + +HEG. What is his father? Is he living? PHIL, When we departed thence, +we left him alive; whether he's living now or not, Orcus, forsooth, must +know that. + +TYND. (_aside_). The matter's all right; he's not only lying, _but_ he's +even philosophizing now. + +HEG. What's his name? PHIL. Thesaurochrysonicocroesides [9]. + +HEG. That name has been given, I suppose, by reason of his wealth, as it +were. + +PHIL. Troth, not so, _but_ rather by reason of his avarice and grasping +disposition; for, indeed, he was Theodoromedes originally by name. + +HEG. How say you? Is his father covetous? + +PHIL. Aye, by my faith, he is covetous. Why, that you may even +understand it the better,--when he's sacrificing at any time to his own +Genius [10], the vessels that are needed for the sacrifice he uses +of Samian ware, lest the Genius himself should steal them; from this, +consider how much he would trust other people. + +HEG. (_addressing_ TYNDARUS _as though_ PHILOCRATES). Do you then follow +me this way. (_Aside._) The things that I desire _to know_, I'll enquire +of him. (_Addressing_ TYNDARUS.) Philocrates, this person has done as it +becomes an honest man to do. For from him I've learnt of what family you +are sprang; he has confessed it to me. If you are willing to own these +same things (which, however, understand that I _already_ know from him), +you will be doing it for your own advantage. + +TYND. He did his duty when he confessed the truth to you, although, +Hegio, I wished carefully to conceal both my rank and my wealth; now, +inasmuch as I've lost my country and my liberty, I don't think it right +for him to be dreading me rather than you. The might of warfare has +made my fortunes on a level with himself. I remember _the time_ when he +didn't dare _to do it_ in word; now, in deed, he is at liberty to offend +me. But don't you see? Human fortune moulds and fashions just, as she +wills. Myself, who was a free man she has made a slave, from the very +highest the very lowest. I, who was accustomed to command, now obey the +mandates of another. And indeed, if I meet with a master just such as I +proved the ruler in my own household, I shall not fear that he will rule +me harshly or severely. With this, Hegio, I wished you to be acquainted, +unless perchance you yourself wish it not. + +HEG. Speak boldly _out_. TYND. As free a man was I till lately as your +son. As much did a hostile hand deprive me of my liberty as him of +his. As much is he a slave among my people, as am now a slave here with +yourself. There is undoubtedly a God, who both hears and sees the things +which we do. Just as you shall treat me here, in the same degree will he +have a care for him. To the well-deserving will he show favour, to the +ill-deserving will he give a like return. As much as you lament your +son, so much does my father lament me. + +HEG. That I am aware of. But do you admit the same that he has disclosed +to me? + +TYND. I confess that my father has very great wealth at home, and that +I am born of a very noble family; but I entreat you, Hegio, let not my +riches make your mind too prone to avarice, lest it should seem to my +father, although I am his only _son_, more suitable that I should be a +slave in your house, bountifully supplied at your expense and with your +clothing, rather than be living the life of a beggar where 'twould be +far from honorable. + +HEG. By the favour of the Gods and of my forefathers, I am rich enough. +I don't quite believe that every _kind of_ gain is serviceable to +mankind. I know that gain has already made many a man famous; and yet +there are occasions when it is undoubtedly better to incur loss than _to +make_ gain. Gold I detest: many a one has it persuaded to many an evil +course. Now give your attention to this, that you may know as well what +my wishes are. My son, taken prisoner, is in servitude at Elis there +among your people; if you restore him to me, don't you give me a single +coin besides; both you and him, _your servant_, I'll send back from +here; on no other terms can you depart _hence_. + +TYND. You ask what's very right and very just, and you are the very +kindest person of all mankind. But whether is he in servitude to a +private person or to the public [11]? + +HEG. In private _servitude_ to Menarchus, a physician. + +PHIL. By my faith, that person's surely his father's dependant. Why +really, that's down as pat for you, as the shower is when it rains. + +HEG. Do you _then_ cause this person, _my son_, to be redeemed. + +TYND. I'll do _so_: but this I beg of you, Hegio-- + +HEG. Whatever you wish, so that you request nothing against my interest, +I'll do. + +TYND. Listen then, _and_ you'll know. I don't ask for myself to be +released, until he has returned. But I beg of you to give me him +(_pointing to_ PHILOCRATES) with a price set [12] upon him, that I may +send him to my father, that this person, _your son_, may be redeemed +there. + +HEG. Why no; I'd rather send another person hence, when there shall be a +truce, to confer with your father there, _and_ to carry your injunctions +which you shall entrust him with, just as you wish. + +TYND. But it's of no use to send to him one that he doesn't know; you'd +be losing your labour. Send this person; he'll have it all completed, if +he gets there. And you cannot send any person to him more faithful, nor +one in whom he places more confidence, nor who is more a servant after +his own mind; nor, in fact, one to whom he would more readily entrust +your son. Have no fears; at my own peril I'll make proof of his +fidelity, relying upon his disposition; because he is sensible that I'm +kindly disposed towards him. + +HEG. Well then, I'll send him with a price set upon him, on the surety +of your promise, if you wish it. + +TYND. I do wish it; so soon as ever it can, I want this matter to be +brought to completion. + +HEG. What reason is there, then, that if he doesn't return, you should +not pay me twenty minae for him? + +TYND. Yes--very good. HEG. (_to the_ SLAVES, _who obey_). Release +him now forthwith; and, indeed, both of them. (_On being released_, +PHILOCRATES _goes into the house_.) + +TYND. May all the Gods grant you all your desires, since you have +deigned me honor so great, and since you release me from my chains. +Really, this is not _so_ irksome now, since my neck is free from the +collar-chain. + +HEG. The kindnesses that are done to the good, thanks for the same are +pregnant with blessings. Now, if you are about to send him thither, +direct, instruct him, give him the orders which you wish to be carried +to your father. Should you like me to call him to you? + +TYND. Do call him. (HEGIO _goes to the door, and calls_ PHILOCRATES.) + +[Footnote 1: _The only cowards_)--Ver. 267. He alludes to the notion +in the heroic times, that it was the duty of a warrior to conquer or to +die, and that it was disgraceful to be made prisoner.] + +[Footnote 2: _Wielding the razor_)--Ver. 271. It is hard to say whether +by the word "cuttros," in this passage, razors or scissors are meant.] + +[Footnote 3: _To put on the barber's cloth_)--Ver. 272. He probably +means by this expression that Philocrates has made no preamble, and +shown no hesitation, in commencing at once to dupe the old man.] + +[Footnote 4: _Or trim him_)--Ver. 273. He alludes here to the two +kinds of shaving and trimming the beard used by the barbers among the +ancients. The one was close "strictim," when they shaved to the skin; +the other was, when with a pair of scissors they clipped the hair, with +the interposition of a comb. The former fashion was called by the Greeks +[Greek: _skaphion_]; the latter method, which was borrowed from the +Persians, [Greek: _kaepos_]. "Esse in tonstrina," "to be in the barber's +shop," was a proverbial expression to denote "being imposed upon." +Tyndarus is wondering to what extent Philocrates is going to impose upon +Hegio.] + +[Footnote 5: _Through the comb_)--Ver. 273. The Greeks and Romans made +their combs of boxwood, much of which was imported from Paphlagonia. The +Egyptians used them made of wood and of ivory, and toothed on one side +only; while those of the Greeks had teeth on both sides.] + +[Footnote 6: _Thales the Milesian_)--Ver. 279. A talent would be a low +price for such a learned slave as Thales the Milesian, who was one of +the seven wise men of Greece. He says, however, that Thales at such a +low price would be nothing in comparison with Philocrates for the same +money.] + +[Footnote 7: _The Polyplusian_)--Ver. 282. This word is coined by +Philocrates for the occasion, as being the name of his family, from the +Greek word _[Greek: polyplousios]_, "very wealthy;" probably with the +idea of raising the expectations of Hegio and making him the more ready +to promote an exchange of his own son for a member of so opulent a +family.] + +[Footnote 8: _Melting out the tallow_)--Ver. 286. Hegio asks him if his +riches are very abundant, and in doing so uses the word "opimae," of +which the primary meaning was "fat;" the other answers, "Yes, so fat +that he can be melting the tallow out of them even when he is an old +man;" meaning thereby that he is amply provided with means.]. + +[Footnote 9: _Thesaurochrysonicocraesides_)--Ver. 290. This is a name +made up of several Greek words, and seems to mean "a son of Croesus, +abounding in treasures of gold," in allusion to Croesus, the wealthy +king of Lydia. The author indulges in similar pleasantry in the Miles +Gloriosus.] + +[Footnote 10: _To his own Genius_)--Ver. 295. As the Genius of a man was +not only his guardian Deity through life, but the word was also used +to signify his capacity for enjoyment; the term "to sacrifice to his +Genius," is supposed by some Commentators to mean, "to indulge the +appetite in feasting and good cheer." This, however, seems not to be the +meaning in this instance; and he probably intends to be understood as +alluding, literally, to the domestic sacrifice to the Genius.] + +[Footnote 11: _Or to the public_)--Ver. 339. Some captives were employed +in the public service, while others fell into the hands of private +individuals.] + +[Footnote 12: _With a price set_)--Ver. 845. "Aestimatus" here means +"entrusted to a person at a fixed value, and at his risk for the due +return of it."] + + +SCENE III.--_Enter_ PHILOCRATES, _from the house._ + +HEG. May this affair turn out happily for myself and for my son, and +for yourselves. (_To_ PHILOCRATES.) Your new master wishes you to pay +faithful obedience to your former owner in what he wishes. For I have +presented you to him, with the price of twenty minae set upon you: and +he says that he is desirous to send you away hence to his father, that +he may there redeem my son, _and_ that an exchange may be made between +me and him for our _respective_ sons. + +PHIL. My disposition takes its course straight in either direction, both +to yourself and to him; as a wheel [1] you may make use of me; either +this way or that can I be turned, whichever way you shall command me. + +HEG. You yourself profit the most from your own disposition, when +you endure slavery just as it ought to be endured. Follow me. (_To_ +TYNDARUS.) See here's _your_ man. + +TYND. I return you thanks, since you give me this opportunity and +permission to send this messenger to my parents, who may relate all the +matter in its order to my father, what I'm doing here, and what I wish +to be done. (_To_ PHILOCRATES.) Now, Tyndarus, thus is it arranged +between myself and him, that I'm to send you, valued at a fixed price, +to my father in Elis; so that, if you don't return hither, I'm to give +twenty minae for you. + +PHIL. I think that you've come to a right understanding. For your father +expects either myself or some messenger to come from here to him. + +TYND. I wish you, then, to mind what message it is I want you to carry +hence to my country to my father. + +PHIL. Philocrates, as up to this moment I have done, I will take all due +care to endeavour that which may especially conduce to your interest, +and to pursue the same with heart and soul, and with my ears. + +TYND. You act just as you ought to act; now I wish you to give +attention. In the first place of all, carry my respects to my mother +and my father, and to my relations, and if any one else you see +well-disposed _towards me_: _say_ that I am in health here, and that I +am a slave, in servitude to this most worthy man, who has ever honored +me more and more with his respect, and does _so still_. + +PHIL. Don't you be instructing me as to that; I can, still, easily bear +that in mind. + +TYND. For, indeed, except that I have a keeper, I deem myself to be a +free man. Tell my father on what terms I have agreed with this party +about his son. + +PHIL. What I remember, it is sheer delay to be putting me in mind of. + +TYND. To redeem me, and to send him back here in exchange for both of +us. + +PHIL. I'll remember it. HEG. But as soon as he can that is especially to +the interest of us both. + +PHIL. You _are_ not more _anxious_ to see your son, than he _is to see_ +his. + +HEG. My son is dear to myself, _and_ his own to every man. + +PHIL. (_to_ TYNDARUS). Do you wish any other message to be carried to +your father? + +TYND. _Say_ that I am well here; and do you boldly tell him, Tyndarus, +that we have been of dispositions for uninterrupted harmony between +ourselves, and that you have neither been deserving of censure, nor that +I have proved your enemy; and that still, amid miseries so great, you +have shown implicit obedience to your master, and that you have +never abandoned me, either in deed or in fidelity, amid my wavering, +unprosperous fortunes. When my father shall know this, Tyndarus, how +well-disposed you have proved towards his son and himself, he will never +be so avaricious but that he'll give you your liberty for nothing. And +by my own endeavours, if I return hence, I'll make him do so the +more readily. For by your aid and kindness, and good disposition and +prudence, you have caused me to be allowed to return to my parents once +again, inasmuch as to _Hegio_ you have confessed both my rank and my +wealth; by means of which, through your wisdom, you have liberated your +master from his chains. + +PHIL. The things which you mention I have done, and I am pleased that +you remember this. Deservedly have they been done for you by me; for +now, Philocrates, if I, too, were to mention the things that you have +kindly done for me, the night would cut short the day. For, had you been +my slave _even_, no otherwise were you always obliging to me. + +HEG. Ye Gods, by our trust in you! _behold_ the kindly disposition +of _these_ persons! How they draw _the very_ tears from me! See how +cordially they love each other, _and_ with what praises the servant has +commended his master. + +PHIL. I' troth, he hasn't commended me the one hundredth part of what he +himself deserves to be commended in my praises. + +HEG. (_to_ PHILOCRATES). Since, then, you have acted most becomingly, +now there's an opportunity to add to your good in managing this matter +with fidelity towards him. + +PHIL. I am not able more to wish it done, than by my endeavours to try +to bring it about. That you may know this, Hegio, with praises do I call +supreme Jove to witness that I will not prove unfaithful to Philocrates +[2]-- + +HEG. You are a worthy fellow. PHIL. And that I will never in anything +act otherwise towards him than towards my own self. + +TYND. I wish you to put these speeches to the test, both by your deeds +and your actions; and inasmuch as I have said the less about you than +I had wished, I wish you _the more_ to give me your attention, and +take you care not to be angry with me by reason of these words. But, I +beseech you, reflect that you are sent hence home with a price set upon +you at my risk, and that my life is here left as a pledge for you. Do +not you forget me the very moment that you have left my presence, since +you will have left me here behind a captive in captivity for yourself, +and _don't_ consider yourself as free, _and_ forsake your pledge [3], +and not use your endeavours for you to bring his son home again, in +return for me. Understand that you are sent hence valued at twenty +minae. Take care to prove scrupulously faithful; take care that you show +not a wavering fidelity. For my father, I am sure, will do everything +that he ought to do. Preserve me as a constant friend to you, and find +out [4] this person _so lately_ discovered. These things, by your right +hand, holding you with my _own_ right hand, do I beg of you; do not +prove less true to me than I have proved to you. This matter do you +attend to; you are now my master, you my patron, you my father; to you +do I commend my hopes and my fortunes. + +PHIL. You have given injunctions enough. Are you satisfied if I bring +back accomplished what you have enjoined? + +TYND. Satisfied. PHIL. (_to_ HEGIO). According to your wishes, and (_to_ +TYNDARUS) according to yours, will I return, hither provided. Is there +anything else? + +TYND. For you to return bad as soon as ever you can. + +PHIL. The business _itself_ reminds _me of that_. + +HEG. (_to_ PHILOCRATES). Follow me, that I may give you your expenses +for the journey at my banker's; on the same occasion I'll get a passport +from the Praetor. + +TYND. What passport [5]? HEG. For him to take with him hence to the +army, that he may be allowed to go home from here. (_To_ TYNDARUS.) You +go in-doors. + +TYND. Speed you well. PHIL. Right heartily, farewell. (TYNDARUS _goes +into the house._) + +HEG. (_aside_). I' faith, I compassed my design, when I purchased these +men of the Quaestors out of the spoil. I have released my son from +slavery, if _so_ it pleases the Gods; and yet I hesitated a long time +whether I should purchase or should not purchase these persons. Watch +that man indoors, if you please, you servants, that he may nowhere move +a foot without a guard. I shall soon make my appearance at home; now I'm +going to my brother's, to see my other captives; at the same time I'll +enquire whether any one knows this young man. (_To_ PHILOCRATES.) Do you +follow, that I may despatch you. I wish attention first to be paid to +that matter. (_Exeunt._ + +[Footnote 1: _As a wheel_)--Ver. 374. This may either mean the wheel of +a vehicle or a potter's wheel. The wheels used by the ancients revolved +on the axle, as in the carriages of modern times, and were prevented, by +pins inserted, from falling off. They consisted of naves, spokes, which +varied much in number, the felly, or wooden circumference, made of +elastic wood, such as the poplar and wild fig, and composed of several +segments united, and the tire, which was of metal. Some of their carts +and waggons had wheels made of a solid circle of wood, in shape like a +millstone, with the axle running through the middle. Similar wheels are +used in the south of Europe at the present day.] + +[Footnote 2: _Unfaithful to Philocrates_)--Ver. 432. Philocrates might +very safely take an oath to Hegio, that he would not prove unfaithful to +himself.] + +[Footnote 3: _Forsake your pledge_)--Ver. 441. Alluding to himself being +left behind, and a surety for his speedy return.] + +[Footnote 4: _And find out_)--Ver. 446. "Atque hunc inventum inveni." +Some would render this, "And find this person still as you have found +him," making it allude to Hegio; it seems, however, rather to apply to +the son of Hegio, and to mean, "Do you seek out this person whom we have +found out to be in the possession of the physician, Menarchus."] + +[Footnote 5: _What passport?_)--Ver. 454. Being conscious of the trick +which they are playing on the worthy old man, Tyndarus shows some alarm +on hearing a passport, or "syngraphus," mentioned. Commentators are at +a loss to know why he should express such alarm. It is difficult to say, +but, probably, as there was in the passport a description of the bearer, +who would be Philocrates under the name of Tyndarus, it suddenly comes +to the recollection of Tyndarus that they were originally made +prisoners under their proper names, and that possibly Philocrates may be +recognised as attempting to pass under an assumed name.] + + +ACT III.--SCENE I. + +_Enter_ ERGASILUS. + +ERG. Wretched is that man who is in search of something to eat, and +finds that with difficulty; but more wretched is he who both seeks with +difficulty, and finds nothing at all; most wretched is he, who, when he +desires to eat, has not that which he may eat. But, by my faith, if I +_only_ could, I'd willingly tear out the eyes of this day;--with such +enmity has it filled all people towards me. One more starved out I never +did see, nor one more filled with hunger [1], nor one who prospers less +in whatever he begins to do. So much do my stomach and my throat take +rest on these fasting holidays [2]. Away with the profession of a +Parasite to very utter and extreme perdition! so much in these days do +the young men drive away from them the needy drolls. They care nothing +now-a-days for _these_ Laconian men [3] of the lowest benches--these +whipping-posts, who hare their _clever_ sayings without provision and +_without_ money. They _now-a-days_ seek those who, when they've eaten +at their pleasure, may give them a return at their own houses. They go +themselves to market, which formerly was the province of the Parasites. +They go themselves from the Forum to the procurers with face as +exposed[4] as _the magistrates_ in court [5], with face exposed, condemn +those who are found guilty; nor do they now value buffoons at one +farthing [6]; all are _so much_ in love with themselves. For, when, just +now, I went away from here, I came to some young men in the Forum: "Good +morrow," said I; "whither are we going together to breakfast?" On this, +they were silent. "Who says, 'here, _at my house_,' or who makes an +offer?" said I. Just like dumb men, they were silent, and didn't smile +at me. "Where do we dine?" said I. On this they declined, said one funny +saying out of my best bon mots, by which I formerly used to get feasting +for a month; not an individual smiled; at once I knew that the matter +was arranged by concert. Not even one was willing to imitate a dog when +provoked; if they didn't laugh, they might, at least, have grinned with +their teeth [7]. From them I went away, after I saw that I was thus made +sport of. I went to some others; _then_ to some others I came; then to +some others--the same the result. All treat the matter in confederacy, +just like the oil-merchants in the Velabrum [8]. Now, I've returned +thence, since I see myself made sport of there. In like manner do other +Parasites walk to and fro, to no purpose, in the Forum. Now, after the +foreign fashion [9], I'm determined to enforce all my rights. Those +who have entered into a confederacy, by which to deprive us of food and +life,--for them I'll name a day. I'll demand, as the damages, that they +shall give me ten dinners at my own option, when provisions are dear: +thus will I do. Now I'll go hence to the harbour. There, is my only +hope of a dinner; if that shall fail me, I'll return here to the old +gentleman, to his unsavoury dinner. + +[Footnote 1: _Filled with hunger_)--Ver. 471. This paradoxical +expression is similar to the one used in the Aulularia, 1. 45, "inaniis +oppletae," "filled with emptiness."] + +[Footnote 2: _Fasting holidays_)--Ver. 473. He means to say, that as +on feast days and holidays people abstain from work, so at present his +teeth and stomach have no employment.] + +[Footnote 3: _These Laconian men_)--Ver. 476. The Parasites, when there +was not room for them on the "triclinia," or "couches" at table, were +forced to sit on "subsellia," or "benches," at the bottom of the table. +This was like the custom of the Spartans, or Laconians, who, eschewing +the luxury of reclining, always persisted in sitting at meals. The +Spartans, also, endured pain with the greatest firmness; a virtue much +required by Parasites, in order to put up with the indignities which +they had to endure from the guests, who daubed their faces, broke pots +about their heads, and boxed their ears.] + +[Footnote 4: _With face as exposed_)--Ver. 480. People, with any sense +of decency, would resort to these places either in masks, or with a hood +thrown over the face.] + +[Footnote 5: _In court_)--Ver. 481. "In tribu." He alludes to the trials +which took place before the Roman people in the "Comitia Tributa," or +"assemblies of the tribes," where the Tribunes and Aediles acted as +the accusers. The offences for which persons were summoned before the +tribes, were, bad conduct of a magistrate in performance of his duties, +neglect of duty, mismanagement of a war, embezzlement of the public +money, breaches of the peace, usury, adultery, and some other crimes. +The "Comitia Tributa" were used as courts of appeal, when a person +protested against a fine imposed by a magistrate.] + +[Footnote 6: _At one farthing_)--Ver. 482. Literally, "at a teruncius," +which was a small coin among the Romans, containing three "unciae," +"twelfth parts" or one quarter of the "as," which we generally take as +equivalent to a penny.] + +[Footnote 7: _Grinned with their teeth_)--Ver. 491. That is, by showing +their teeth and grinning. This is not unlike the expression used in the +Psalms (according to the translation in our Liturgy)--Ps. lix., ver. +6--"They grin like a dog and run about through the city."] + +[Footnote 8: _In the Velabrum_)--Ver. 494. The "Via Nova," or "New +Street," at Rome, led from the interior of the city to the "Velabra." +The greater and the less "Velabrum" lay between the Palatine and the +Capitoline Hills, where fruits and other commodities were sold in +booths, or under awnings, from which ("vela") the streets probably +derived their name. Varro, however, says that they were so called from +the verb "veho," "to carry;" because in early times those spots were +traversed in boats, which mode of carriage was called "velatura." From +the present passage, it appears that the oil-merchants in the "Velabra" +acted in confederacy not to sell their oils under a certain price.] + +[Footnote 9: _After the foreign fashion_)--Ver. 497. Some suppose that +"barbarica lege" here means "the foreign" or "Roman law," and that he +refers to the "Lex Vinnia," introduced at Rome by Quintus Vinnius, which +was said to have been passed against those persons who confederated for +the purpose of keeping up the high prices of provisions. It is, however, +somewhat doubtful if there really was such a law; and the better opinion +seems to be that the word "lege" meant "fashion" or "custom;" and +that he refers to the Roman method of trial. He will accuse his former +entertainers of a conspiracy to starve him. He will name a day for +trial, "diem dicet;" he will demand damages or a penalty, "irrogabit +muletam;" and thus will he proceed at law against them, "sic egerit." +Rost has written at great length on the meaning of this passage.] + + +SCENE II.--_Enter_ HEGIO _and_ ARISTOPHONTES. + +HEG. (_to himself_). What is there more delightful than to manage one's +own interests well for the public good [1], just as I did yesterday, +when I purchased these men. Every person, as they see me, comes to meet +me, and congratulates me on this matter. By thus stopping and detaining +unlucky me, they've made me _quite_ tired. With much ado have I survived +[2] from being congratulated, to my misfortune. At last, to the Praetor +did I get. There, scarcely did I rest myself. I asked for a passport; it +was given me: at once I delivered it to Tyndarus. He started for home. +Thence, straightway, after that was done, I passed by my house; _and_ I +went at once to my brother's, where my other captives are. I asked about +Philocrates from Elis, whether any one of them all knew the person. +This man (_pointing to_ ARISTOPHONTES) called out that he had been his +intimate friend; I told him that he was at my house. At once he besought +and entreated me that I would permit him to see him. Forthwith I +ordered him to be released _from chains_. Thence have I come. (_To_ +ARISTOPHONTES.) Now, do you follow me, that you may obtain what you have +besought of me, the opportunity of meeting with this person. (_They go +into the house_.) + +[Footnote 1: _For the public good_)--Ver. 504. It is possible that he +may here refer to his purchase of Philocrates, whose high position among +the Eleans would probably tend, on his return to his native country, to +promote peace between it and the people of Aetoiia.] + +[Footnote 2: _With much ado have I survived_)--Ver. 513. +"Vox--eminebam." Literally, "I hardly kept myself above" water. He means +that he was almost overpowered by the crowds of people congratulating +him.] + + +SCENE III.--_Enter_ TYNDARUS, _from the house_. + +TYND. Now stands the matter so, that I would much rather that I had once +existed, than that I _still_ exist; now do my hopes, my resources, and +my succour, desert me and spurn themselves. This is that day, when, for +my life, no safety can be hoped; nor _yet_ is death my end; nor hope is +there, in fact, to dispel this fear for me; nor cloak have I anywhere +for my deceitful stratagems; nor for my devices or my subterfuges is +there anywhere a screen presented to me. No deprecating _is there_ +for my perfidy; no means of flight for my offences. No refuge is there +anywhere for my trusting; and no escape for my cunning schemes. What +was concealed is _now_ exposed; my plans are _now_ divulged. The whole +matter is now laid open; nor is there any ado about this matter, but +that I must perish outright, and meet with destruction, both on behalf +of my master and myself. This Aristophontes has proved my ruin, who has +just now come into the house. He knows me. He is the intimate friend +and kinsman of Philocrates. Not Salvation _herself_ [1] can save me +now, _even_ if she wishes; nor have I any means _of escape_, unless, +perchance, I devise some artifice in my mind. (_He meditates._) Plague +on it!--how? What can I contrive?--what can I think of? Some very great +folly and trifling I shall have to begin with. I'm quite at a loss. (_He +retires aside._) + +[Footnote 1: _Not Salvation herself_)--Ver. 535. This was a proverbial +expression among the Romans. "Salus," "Safety" or "Salvation," was +worshipped as a Goddess at Rome. It is well observed, in Thornton's +translation, that the word "Salus" may, without irreverence, be +translated "Salvation," on no less authority than that of Archbishop +Tillotson. "If," says he, "men will continue in their sins, the +redemption brought by Christ will be of no advantage to them; such as +obstinately persist in an impenitent course," "ipsa si velit Salus, +servare non potest." "Salvation itself cannot save them."] + + +SCENE IV.--_Enter_ HEGIO, ARISTOPHONTES, _and_ SLAVES, _from the house._ + +HEG. Whither am I to say, now, that that man has betaken himself from +the house out of doors? + +TYND. (_apart_). Now, for a very certainty, I'm done for; the enemies +are coming to you, Tyndarus! What shall I say?--what shall I talk +of? What shall I deny, or what confess? All matters are reduced to +uncertainty. How shall I place confidence in my resources? I wish +the Gods had destroyed you, before you were lost to your own country, +Aristophontes, who, from a plot well concerted, are making it +disconcerted. This plan is ruined, outright, unless I find out for +myself some extremely bold device. + +HEG. (_to_ ARISTOPHONTES). Follow me. See, there is the man; go to him +and address him. + +TYND. (_aside, and turning away_). What mortal among mortals is there +more wretched than myself? + +ARIST. (_coming up to him_). Why's this, that I'm to say that you are +avoiding my gaze, Tyndarus? And _why_ that you are slighting me as a +stranger, as though you had never known me? Why, I'm as much a slave +as yourself; although at home I was a free man, you, even from your +childhood, have always served in slavery in Elia. + +HEG. I' faith, I'm very little surprised, if either he does avoid your +gaze, or if he does shun you, who are calling him Tyndarus, instead of +Philocrates. + +TYND. Hegio, this person was accounted a madman in Elis. Don't you give +ear to what he prates about; for at home he has pursued his father and +mother with spears, and that malady sometimes comes upon him which is +spit out [1]. Do you this instant stand away at a distance from him. + +HEG. (_to _the SLAVES). Away with him further off from me. + +ARIST. Do you say, you whipp'd knave, that I am mad, and do you declare +that I have followed my own father with spears? And that I have that +malady, that it's necessary for me to be spit upon [2]? + +HEG. Don't be dismayed; that malady afflicts many a person to whom it +has proved wholesome to be spit upon, and has been of service to them. + +ARIST. Why, what do you say? Do you, too, credit him? + +HEG. Credit him in what? ARIST. That I am mad? + +TYND. Do you see him, with what a furious aspect he's looking at you? +'Twere best to retire, Hegio; it is as I said, his frenzy grows apace; +have a care for yourself. + +HEG. I thought that he was mad, the moment that he called you Tyndarus. + +TYND. Why, he's sometimes ignorant of his own name and doesn't know what +it is. + +HEG. But he even said that you were his intimate friend. + +TYND. So far from that, I never saw him. Why, really, Alcmaeon, and +Orestes, and Lycurgus [3] besides, are my friends on the same principle +that he is. + +ARIST. Villain, and do you dare speak ill of me, as well? Do I not know +you? + +HEG. I' faith, it really is very clear that you don't know him, who are +calling him Tyndarus, instead of Philocrates Him whom you see, you don't +know; you are addressing him as the person whom you don't see. + +ARIST. On the contrary this fellow's saying that he is the person who he +is not; and he says that he is not the person who he really is. + +TYND. You've been found, of course, to excel Philocrates in +truthfulness. + +ARIST. By my troth, as I understand the matter, you've been found to +brazen out the truth by lying. But i' faith, prithee, come then, look at +me. + +TYND. (_looking at him_). Well! ARIST. Say, now; do you deny that you +are Tyndarus? + +TYND. I do deny it, I say. + +ARIST. Do you say that you are Philocrates? + +TYND. I do say so, I say. + +ARIST. (_to_ HEGIO). And do you believe him? + +HEG. More, indeed, than either you or myself. For he, in fact, who you +say that he is (_pointing to_ TYNDARUS), has set out hence to-day for +Elis, to this person's father. + +ARIST. What father, when he's a slave. [4] + +TYND. And so are you a slave, and _yet_ you were a free man; and I trust +that so I shall be, if I restore his son here to liberty. + +ARIST. How say you, villain? Do you say that you were born a free man +[liber]? + +TYND. I really do not say that I am Liber [5], but that I am +Philocrates. + +ARIST. How's this? How this scoundrel, Hegio, is making sport of you +now. For he's a slave himself, and never, except his own self, had he a +slave. + +TYND. Because you yourself are destitute in your own country, and +haven't whereon to live at home, you wish all to be found like to +yourself; you don't do anything surprising. 'Tis _the nature_ of the +distressed to be ill-disposed, and to envy the fortunate. + +ARIST. Hegio, take you care, please, that you don't persist in rashly +placing confidence in this man; for so far as I see, he is certainly now +putting some device in execution, in saying that he is redeeming your +son _from captivity_; that is by no means satisfactory to me. + +TYND. I know that you don't wish that to be done; still I shall effect +it, if the Gods assist me. I shall bring him back here, _and_ he _will +restore_ me to my father, in Elis. For that purpose have I sent Tyndarus +hence to my father. + +ARIST. Why, you yourself are he; nor is there any slave in Elis of that +name, except yourself. + +TYND. Do you persist in reproaching me with being a slave--a thing that +has befallen me through the fortune of war? + +ARIST. Really, now, I cannot contain myself. + +TYND. (_to_ HEGIO). Ha! don't you hear him? Why don't you take to +flight? He'll be pelting us just now with stones there, unless you order +him to be seized. + +ARIST. I'm distracted. TYND. His eyes strike fire; there's need of a +rope, Hegio. Don't you see how his body is spotted all over with livid +spots? Black bile [6] is disordering the man. + +ARIST. And, by my faith, if this old gentleman is wise, black pitch [7] +will be disordering you with the executioner, and giving a light to your +head. + +TYND. He's now talking in his fit of delirium; sprites are in possession +of the man. + +HEG. By my troth, suppose I order him to be seized? + +TYND. You would be acting more wisely. + +ARIST. I'm vexed that I haven't a stone, to knock out the brains of that +whip-scoundrel, who's driving mo to madness by his taunts. + +TYND. Don't you hear that he's looking for a stone? + +ARIST. I wish to speak with you alone, separately, Hegio. + +HEG. Speak from where you are, if you want anything; though at a +distance, I shall hear you. + +TYND. _Yes_, for, by my faith, if you approach nearer, he'll to taking +your nose off with his teeth. + +ARIST. By heavens, Hegio, don't you believe that I am mad, or that I +ever was _so_, or that I have the malady which that fellow avers. But if +you fear anything from me, order me to be bound: I wish it, so long as +that fellow is bound as well. + +TYND. Why really, Hegio, rather let him be bound that wishes it. + +ARIST. Now hold your tongue! I'll make you, _you_ false Philocrates, to +be found out this day _to be_ a real Tyndarus. Why are you making signs +[8] at me? + +TYND. I, making signs at you? (_To_ HEGIO.) What would he do, if you +were at a greater distance off? + +HEG. What do you say? What if I approach this madman? + +TYND. Nonsense; you'll be made a fool of; he'll be prating _stuff_, to +you, neither the feet nor the head of which will ever be visible. +The dress _only_ [9] is wanting; in seeing this man, you behold Ajax +himself. + +HEG. I don't care; still I'll approach him. (_Advances to_ +ARISTOPHONTES.) + +TYND. (_aside_). Now am I utterly undone; now between the sacrifice and +the stone [10] do I stand, nor know I what to do. + +HEG. I lend you my attention, Aristophontes, if there is anything that +you would wish with me. + +ARIST. From me you shall hear _that_ truth, which now you think to be +false, Hegio. But I wish, in the first place, to clear myself from this +with you--that madness does not possess me, and that I have no malady, +except that I am in captivity; and, so may the King of Gods and of +men make me to regain my native land, that fellow there is no more +Philocrates than either I or you. + +HEG. Come, then, tell me who he is? + +ARIST. He whom I've told you all along from the beginning. If you shall +find him any other than that person, I show no cause why I shouldn't +suffer the loss with you both of my parents and of my liberty _for +ever_. + +HEG. (_to_ TYNDARUS). What say you _to this_? + +TYND. That I am your slave, and you my master. + +HEG. I didn't ask that--were you a free man? + +TYND. I was. ARIST. But he really wasn't; he is deceiving you. + +TYND. How do you know? Were you, perchance, the midwife of my mother, +since you dare to affirm this so boldly? + +ARIST. When a boy, I saw yourself, a boy. + +TYND. But, grown up, I _now_ see you grown up; so, there's for you, in +return. If you did right, you wouldn't be troubling yourself about my +concerns; do I trouble myself about yours? + +HEG. Was his father _called_ Thesaurochrysonicocroesides? + +ARIST. He was not; and I never heard that name before this day. +Theodoromedes was the father of Philocrates. + +TYND. (_aside_). I'm downright undone. Why don't you be quiet, heart +of mine? Go and be stretched, and hang yourself; you are throbbing _so, +that_ unfortunate I can hardly stand up for _my_ fear. + +HEG. Is a full assurance given me that this was a slave in Elis, and +that he is not Philocrates? + +ARIST. So fully, that you will never find this to be otherwise; but +where is he [11] now? + +HEG. Where I the least, and he the most could wish himself. In +consequence, then, I'm cut asunder, [12] disjointed, to my sorrow, by +the devices of this scoundrel, who has bamboozled me by his tricks just +as he has thought fit. But do, please, have a care _that you are right_. + +ARIST. Why, I assure you of this, _as_ an ascertained and established +fact. + +HEG. For certain? ARIST. Why, nothing, I say, will you find more certain +than this certainty. Philocrates, from when a boy, has ever since that +time been my friend. + +HEG. But of what appearance is your friend Philocrates? + +ARIST. I'll tell you: with a thin face, sharp nose, light hair, dark +eyes, somewhat ruddy, with hair rather crisp and curling. + +HEG. _The description_ is like. TYND. (_aside_). _Aye_, so much so, +indeed, that I've this day, much to my sorrow, got into the midst of +this, i' faith. Woe to those unfortunate rods, which this day will be +meeting their end upon my back. + +HEG. I see that I've been imposed upon. + +TYND. (_aside_). Why, fetters, do you delay to run towards me and to +embrace my legs that I may have you in custody? + +HEG. And have these _two_ rascally captives really deceived me this day +with their tricks? the other one pretended that he was the servant +and this one that he himself was the master. I've lost a kernal; for a +security, I've left the shell. To such a degree have they imposed upon +me, [13] both on this side and that, with their trickeries. Still, this +fellow shall never have the laugh against me. Colaphus, Cordalio, Corax +[14] (_to the_ SLAVES), go you away and bring out the thongs. + +SLAVE. Are we to be sent to gather faggots [15]? (_The _SLAVES _go and +bring the thongs from the house_.) + +[Footnote 1: _Which is spit out_)--Ver. 566. Some would render the +words "qui sputatur," "which is spit upon," and fancy that they find +authorities in the ancient writers for thinking that epilepsy was +treated by spitting upon the patient. However, it seems much more +probable, that the notion was that epilepsy was cured by the patient +himself spitting out the noxious saliva; and that the word "sputatur" +means, "is spit out," _i. e._ "is cured by spitting." Celsus thus +describes the "comitialis morbus," "epilepsy," or "falling sickness: +The person seized, suddenly falls down; foam drops from the mouth; +then, after a little time, he comes to himself, and gets up again +without any assistance." Pliny, in his Natural History, B. 38, c. 4, +says: "Despuimus comitiales morbos, hoc est, contagia regerimus," "We +spit out the epilepsy, that is, we avert the contagion." This is said, +probably, in reference to a belief, that on seeing an epileptic person, +if we spit, we shall avoid the contagion; but it by no means follows +that the person so doing must spit upon the epileptic person. We read +in the first Book of Samuel, ch. xxi., ver. 12: "And David laid up these +words in his heart, and was sore afraid of Achish, the King of Gath. And +he changed his behaviour before them, and feigned himself mad in their +hands, and scrabbled on the doors of the gate, and let his spittle fall +down on his beard." He probably pretended to be attacked with epileptic +fits. In fact, after due examination, there seems little doubt that it +was a common notion with the ancients that the distemper was discharged +with the saliva.] + +[Footnote 2: _To be spit upon_)--Ver. 569. Aristophontes has understood +the words, "qua spitatur," in the sense of "which is spit upon," and +asks Tyndarus if he affirms that he is afflicted with a disease which +requires such treatment. Hegio, to pacify him, and to show off his +medical knowledge, tells him that it has proved beneficial in some +diseases to be so treated; but he does not go so far as to say what +those diseases were. One malady, called "herpes," or "spreading +ulcer," was said to be highly contagions, but capable of being cured by +applications of saliva. Some Commentators here quote the method which +our Saviour adopted in curing the blind man at Bethsaida: "And he took +the blind man by the hand, and led him out of the town: and when he +had spat on his eyes and put his hands upon him, he asked him if he saw +aught." St. Mark, ch. viii., ver. 23. And again, the account given in +the ninth chapter of St. John, ver. 6: "When he had thus spoken, he spat +on the ground, and made clay of the spittle, and he anointed the eyes +of the blind man with the clay." It may be possible that our Saviour +thought fit to adopt these forms, in imitation of some of the methods +of treating diseases in those times; though, of course, his transcendent +power did not require their agency. Rost, in his Commentaries on +Plautus, has very learned disquisition on the meaning of the present +passage.] + +[Footnote 3: _Alcmaeon, and Orestes, and Lycurgus_)--Ver. 568. He +alludes to these three persons as being three of the most celebrated men +of antiquity that were attacked with frenzy. Orestes slew his mother, +Clytemnestra; Alcmaeon killed his mother, Eriphyle; and Lycurgus, King +of Thrace, on slighting the worship of Bacchus, was afflicted with +madness, in a fit of which he hewed off his own legs with a hatchet.] + +[Footnote 4: _When he's a slave_)--Ver. 580. Slaves were not considered +to have any legal existence; and, therefore, to have neither parents or +relations.] + +[Footnote 5: _That I am Liber_)--Ver. 584. Aristophontes asks him if +he means to assert that he was born a free man, "liber." As "Liber" was +also a name of Bacchus, Tyndarus quibbles, and says, "I did not assert +that I am Liber, but that I am Philocrates." In consequence of the +idiom of the Latin language, his answer (non equidem me Liberam, sed +Philocratem esse aio) will admit of another quibble, and may be read as +meaning, "I did not say that I am a free man, but that Philocrates +is." This maybe readily seen by the Latin scholar, but is not so easily +explained to the English reader] + +[Footnote 6: _Black bile_)--Ver. 602. A superabundance of the bile was +supposed to be productive of melancholy madness. The word "melancholy" +is from the Greek [Greek: melangcholia], "black bile."] + +[Footnote 7: _Black pitch_)--Ver. 603. He alludes to a frightful +punishment inflicted upon malefactors by the Romans. They were either +smeared over with burning pitch, or were first covered with pitch, which +was then set fire to. This punishment is supposed to have been often +inflicted upon the early Christians. Juvena alludes to it in his First +Satire, I. 155: + + Pone Tigellinum, taeda lucebis in illa, + Qua stantes ardent, qui fixo gutture fumant. + +Describe Tigellinus [an infamous minister of Nero], and yon shall give +a light by those torches, in which those stand and burn who send forth +smoke with a stake driven into their throat."] + +[Footnote 8: _Why are you making signs_)--Ver. 617. "Abnutas." The verb +"abnuto" means, "to nod to a person that he may desist." Tyndarus thinks +that by this time Aristophontes must surely understand the plan that has +been devised for the escape of Philocrates; and, as he is about to step +aside to speak with Hegio, he makes a sign, requesting him to stop short +in his contradiction of what he has asserted.] + +[Footnote 9: _The dress only_)--Ver. 620. By "ornamenta" he means the +dress of Tragedy. The dresses of Comedy were essentially different from +those of Tragedy. He means to say, "the man is mad; if he had only the +Tragic garb on, you might take him for Ajax Telamon in his frenzy." On +being refused the arms of Achilles, Ajax became mad, and slaughtered a +flock of sheep fancying that they were Ulysses and the sons of Atreus.] + +[Footnote 10: _The sacrifice and the stone_)--Ver. 624. We learn from +Livy, that in the most ancient times the animal for sacrifice was killed +by being struck with a stone; to stand between the victim and the stone, +would consequently imply, to be in a position of extreme danger.] + +[Footnote 11: _But where is he_)--Ver. 645. Tyndarus has probably +betaken himself to some corner of the stage, and Aristophontes misses +him from his former position.] + +[Footnote 12: _Cut asunder_)--Ver. 646. "Deruncinatus" means, literally, +cut asunder with a "runcina," or "saw."] + +[Footnote 13: _Have they imposed upon me_)--Ver. 661. "Os sublevere +offuciis." Literally "painted my face with varnish." This expression is +probably derived from the practice of persons concealing their defects, +by painting over spots or freckles in the face for the purpose of hiding +them.] + +[Footnote 14: _Colaphus, Cordalio, Corax_)--Ver. 662. These are the +names of slaves. "Colaphus" means, also, "a blow with the fist." "Corax" +was the Greek name for a "crow," and was probably given to a black +slave.] + +[Footnote 15: _To gather faggots_)--Ver. 663. He asks this question +because cords, "lora," were necessary for the purpose of binding up +faggots.] + + +SCENE V.--HEGIO, TYNDARUS, ARISTOPHONTES, _and_ SLAVES. + +HEG. (_to the _SLAVES). Put the manacles on this whipp'd villain. + +TYND. (_whilst the_ SLAVES _are fastening him_). What's the matter? What +have I done wrong? + +HEG. Do you ask the question? You weeder and sower of villanies, and in +especial their reaper. + +TYND. Ought you not to have ventured to say the harrower first? For +countrymen always harrow before they weed. + +HEG. Why, with what assurance he stands before me. + +TYND. It's proper for a servant, innocent and guiltless, to be full of +confidence, most especially before his master. + +HEG. (_to the _SLATES). Bind this fellow's hands tightly, will you. + +TYND. I am your own--do you command them to be cut off even. But what is +the matter on account of which you blame me? + +HEG. Because me and my fortunes, so far as in you singly lay, by your +rascally _and_ knavish stratagems you have rent in pieces, and have +districted my affairs and spoiled all my resources and my plans, _in +that_ you've thus robbed me of Philocrates by your devices. I thought +that he was the slave, you the free man. So did you say yourselves, and +in this way did you change names between you. + +TYND. I confess that all was done so, as you say, and that by a +stratagem he has got away from you, through my aid and cleverness; and +prithee, now, do you blame me for that, i' faith? + +HEG. Why, it has been done with your extreme torture _for the +consequence_. + +TYND. So I don't die by reason of my misdeeds, I care but little. If I +do die here, then he returns not, as he said _he would_; but when I'm +dead, this act will be remembered to my honor, that I caused my captive +master to return from slavery and the foe, a free man, to his father in +his native land; and that I preferred rather to expose my own life to +peril, than that he should be undone. + +HEG. Take care, then, to enjoy that fame at Acheron. + +TYND. He who dies for virtue's sake, still does not perish. + +HEG. When I've tortured you in the most severe manner, and for your +schemes put you to death, let them say either that you have perished or +that you have died; so long as you do die, I don't think it matters if +they say you live. + +TYND. I' faith, if you do do so, you'll do it not without retribution, +if he shall return here, as I trust that he will return. + +ARIST. (_aside_). O ye immortal Gods! I understand it now; now I know +what the case _really_ is. My friend Philocrates is at liberty with his +father, in his native land. 'Tis well; nor have I any person to whom I +could so readily wish well. But this thing grieves me, that I've done +this person a bad turn, who now on account of me and my talking is in +chains. + +HEG. (_to_ TYNDARUS). Did I not forbid you this day to utter anything +false to me? + +TYND. You did forbid me. HEG. Why did you dare to tell me lies? + +TYND. Because the truth would have prejudiced him whom I was serving; +now falsehood has advantaged him. + +HEG. But it will prejudice yourself. + +TYND. 'Tis very good. Still, I have saved my master, whom I rejoice at +being saved, to whom my elder master had assigned me as a protector. But +do you think that this was wrongly done? + +HEG. Most wrongfully. TYND. But I, who disagree with you, say, rightly. +For consider, if any slave of yours had done this for your son, what +thanks you would have given him. Would you have given that slave his +freedom or not? Would not that slave have been in highest esteem with +you? Answer me _that._ + +HEG. I think so. TYND. Why, then, are you angry with me? + +HEG. Because you have proved more faithful to him than to myself. + +TYND. How now? Did you expect, in a single night and day, for yourself +to teach _me_--a person just made captive, a recent _slave, and_ in his +noviciate--that I should rather consult your interest than his, with +whom from childhood I have passed my life? + +HEG. Seek, then, thanks from him for that. (_To the_ SLAVES.) Take him +where he may receive weighty and thick fetters, thence, after that, you +shall go to the quarries for cutting stone. There, while the others are +digging out eight stones, unless you daily do half as much work again, +you shall have the name of the six-hundred-stripe man [1]. + +ARIST. By Gods and men, I do entreat you, Hegio, not to destroy this +man. + +HEG. He shall be taken all care of [2]. For at night, fastened with +chains, he shall be watched; in the daytime, beneath the ground, he +shall be getting out stone. For many a day will I torture him; I'll not +respite him for a single day. + +ARIST. Is that settled by you? HEG. Not more settled that I shall +die. (_To the_ SLAVES.) Take him away this instant to Hippolytus, the +blacksmith; bid thick fetters to be rivetted on him. From there let him +be led outside the gate to my freedman, Cordalus, at the stone-quarries. +And tell him that I desire this man so to be treated, that he mayn't be +in any respect worse off than he who is the most severely treated. + +TYND. Why, since you are unwilling, do I desire myself to survive? At +your own hazard is the risk of my life. After death, no evil have I to +apprehend in death. Though I should live even to extreme age, still, +short is the space for enduring what you threaten me with. Farewell +and prosper; although you are deserving for me to say otherwise. You, +Aristophontes, as you have deserved of me, so fare you; for on your +account has this befallen me. + +HEG. (_to the_ SLAVES). Carry him off. + +TYND. But this one thing I beg, that, if Philocrates should come back +here, you will give me an opportunity of meeting him. + +HEG. (_to the_ SLAVES). At your peril, if you don't this instant remove +him from my sight. (_The_ SLAVES _lay hold of_ TYNDARUS, _and push him +along._) + +TYND. I' troth, this really is violence [3], to be both dragged and +pushed at the same time. (_He is borne off by the_ SLAVES.) + +[Footnote 1: _Six-hundred-stripe man_)--Ver. 731. "Sexcentoplago." This +is a compound word, coined by the author.] + +[Footnote 2: _He shall be taken all care of_)--Ver. 733. Struck with +admiration at his fidelity, Aristophontes begs Hegio not to destroy +Tyndarus. As the verb "perduis" might also mean "lose" him, Hegio +ironically takes it in the latter sense, and says that there is no +fear of that, for he shall be well taken care of; or, in other words, +strictly watched.] + +[Footnote 3: _This really is violence_)--Ver. 755. According to +Suetonius, Julius Caesar used an exactly similar expression when first +attacked by his murderers in the senate-house. On Tullius Cimber seizing +bold of his garments he exclaimed, "Ita quidem vis est!" "Why, really, +this is violence!"] + + +SCENE VI.--HEGIO _and_ ARISTOPHONTUS. + +HEG. He has been led off straight to prison [1], as he deserves. Let no +one presume to attempt such an enterprise. Had it not been for you who +discovered this to me, still would they have been leading me by the +bridle with their tricks. Now am I resolved henceforth never to trust +any person in anything. This once I have been deceived enough; I did +hope, to my sorrow, that I had rescued my son from slavery. That hope +has forsaken me. I lost one son, whom, a child in his fourth year, a +slave stole from me; and, indeed, never since have I found either slave +or son; the elder one has fallen in the hands of the enemy. What guilt +is this _of mine_? As though I had become the father of children for the +purpose of being childless. (_To_ ARISTOPHONTES.) Follow this way. I'll +conduct you back where you were. I'm determined to have pity upon no +one, since no one has pity upon me. + +ARIST. Forth from my chains with evil omen did I come; now I perceive +that with like ill omen to my bonds I must return. (_Exeunt._ + +[Footnote 1: _To prison_)--Ver. 756. "Phylacam." This is a Greek word +Latinized, meaning "prison" or "confinement."] + + +ACT IV.--SCENE I. + +_Enter_ ERGASILUS. [1] + +ERG. Supreme Jove! thou dost preserve me, and dost augment my means. +Plenty, extreme and sumptuous, dost thou present to me; celebrity, +profit, enjoyment, mirth, festivity, holidays, sights, provisions, +carousings, abundance, joyousness. And to no man have I now determined +with myself to go a-begging; for I'm able either to profit my friend +or to destroy my enemy, to such extent has this delightful day heaped +delights upon me in its delightfulness. I have lighted upon a most rich +inheritance without incumbrances [2]. Now will I wend my way to this old +gentleman Hegio, to whom I am carrying blessings as great as he +himself prays for from the Gods, and even greater. Now, this is my +determination, in the same fashion that the slaves of Comedy [3] _are +wont_, so will I throw my cloak around my neck, that from me, the first +_of all_, he may learn this matter. And I trust that I, by reason of +this news, shall find provision up to the end. + +[Footnote 1: _Ergasilus_) He has just come from the harbour, where he +has seen the son of Hegio, together with Philocrates and Stalagmus, +landing from the packet-boat. Now, as he speaks still of his intended +dinner with Hegio, to which he had been invited in the earlier part of +the Play, we must conclude, that since then, Philocrates has taken ship +from the coast of Aetolia, arrived in Elis, procured the liberation of +Philopolemus, and returned with him, all in the space of a few hours. +This, however, although the coast of Elis was only about fifteen miles +from that of Aetolia, is not at all consistent with probability; and +the author has been much censured by some Commentators, especially by +Lessing, on account of his negligence It must, however, be remembered, +that Plautus was writing for a Roman audience, the greater part of whom +did not know whether Elis was one mile or one hundred from the coast +of Aetolia. We may suppose, too, that Philopolemus had already caused +Stalagmus, the runaway slave, to be apprehended before the arrival of +Philocrates in Elis.] + +[Footnote 2: _An inheritance without incumbrance_)--Ver. 780. "Sine +sacra hereditas." The meaning of this expression has been explained in +the Notes to the Trinummus, 484.] + +[Footnote 3: _Slaves of Comedy_)--Ver. 783. This was done that, when +expedition was required, the cloak might not prove an obstruction to the +wearer as he walked. The slaves in Comedies usually wore the "pallium," +and as they were mostly active, bustling fellows, would have it tucked +tightly around them. The "pallium" was usually worn passed over the left +shoulder, then drawn behind the back, and under the left arm, leaving it +bare, and then thrown again over the left shoulder.] + + +SCENE II.--_Enter_ HEGIO, _at a distance._ + +HEG. (_to himself_). The more that I revolve this matter in my breast, +the more is my uneasiness of mind increased. That I should have been +duped in this fashion to-day! and that I wasn't able to see through it! +When this shall be known, then I shall be laughed at all over the city. +The very moment that I shall have reached the Forum, all will be saying, +"This is that clever old gentleman, who had the trick played him." But +is this Ergasilus, that I see coming at a distance? Surely he has got +his cloak gathered up; what, I wonder, is he going to do? + +ERG. (_advancing, and talking to himself_). Throw aside from you all +tardiness, Ergasilus, and speed on this business. I threaten, and I +strictly charge no person to stand in my way, unless any one shall be of +opinion that he has lived long enough. For whoever does come in my +way, shall stop me upon his face. (_He runs along, flourishing his arms +about._) + +HEG. (_to himself_). This fellow's beginning to box. + +ERG. (_to himself_). I'm determined to do it; so that every one may +pursue his own path, let no one be bringing any of his business in this +street; for my fist is a balista, my arm is my catapulta, my shoulder a +battering-ram; then against whomsoever I dart my knee, I shall bring him +to the ground. I'll make all persons to be picking up their teeth [1], +whomsoever I shall meet with. + +HEG. (_to himself_). What threatening is this? For I cannot wonder +enough. + +ERG. I'll make him always to remember this day and place, and myself _as +well_. Whoever stops me upon my road, I'll make him put a stop to his +own existence. + +HEG. (_to himself_). What great thing is this fellow preparing to do, +with such mighty threats? + +ERG. I first give notice, that no one, by reason of his own fault, may +be caught--keep yourselves in-doors at home, _and_ guard yourselves from +my attack. + +HEG. (_to himself_). By my faith, 'tis strange if he hasn't got this +boldness by means of his stomach. Woe to that wretched man, through +whose cheer this fellow has become quite swaggering. + +ERG. Then the bakers, that feed swine, that fatten their pigs upon +refuse bran, through the stench of which no one can pass by a baker's +shop; if I see the pig of any one of them in the public _way_, I'll beat +the bran out of the masters' themselves with my fists. + +HEG. (_to himself_). Royal and imperial edicts does he give out. The +fellow is full; he certainly has his boldness from his stomach. + +ERG. Then the fishmongers, who supply stinking fish to the public--who +are carried about on a gelding, with his galloping galling pace [2]--the +stench of whom drives all the loungers in the Basilica [3] into the +Forum, I'll bang their heads with their bulrush fish-baskets, that they +may understand what annoyance they cause to the noses of other people. +And then the butchers, as well, who render the sheep destitute of their +young--who agree with you about killing lamb [4], and then offer you +lamb at double the price--who give the name of wether _mutton_ to a +ram--if I should _only_ see that ram in the public way, I'll make both +ram and owner most miserable beings. + +HEG. (_to himself_). Well done! He really does give out edicts fit for +an Aedile, and 'tis indeed a surprising thing if the Aetolians haven't +made him inspector of markets [5]. + +ERG. No Parasite now am I, but a right royal king of kings; so large a +stock of provision for my stomach is there at hand in the harbour. But +_why_ delay to overwhelm this old gentleman Hegio with gladness? With +him, not a person among mankind exists equally fortunate. + +HEG. (_apart_). What joy is this, that he, _thus_ joyous, is going to +impart to me? + +ERG. (_knocking at _HEGIO'S_ door_). Hallo, hallo!--where are you? Is +any one coming to open this door? + +HEG. (_apart_). This fellow's betaking himself to my house to dine. + +ERG. Open you both these doors [6], before I shall with knocking cause +the destruction, piecemeal, of the doors. + +HEG. (_apart_). I'd like much to address the fellow. (_Aloud._) +Ergasilus! + +ERG. Who's calling Ergasilus? + +HEG. _Turn round, and_ look at me. + +ERG. (_not seeing who it is_). A thing that Fortune does not do for you, +nor _ever_ will do, you bid me _to do_. But who is it. + +HEG. Look round at me. 'Tis Hegio. + +ERG. (_turning round_). O me! Best of the very best of men, as many as +exist, you have arrived opportunely. + +HEG. You've met with some one at the harbour to dine with; through that +you are elevated. + +ERG. Give me your hand. HEG. My hand? + +ERG. Give me your hand, I say, this instant. + +HEG. Take it. (_Giving him his hand._) + +ERG. Rejoice. HEG. Why should I rejoice? + +ERG. Because I bid you; come now, rejoice. + +HEG. I' faith, my sorrows exceed my rejoicings. + +ERG. 'Tis not so, _as_ you shall find; I'll at once drive away every +spot of sorrow [7] from your body. Rejoice without restraint. + +HEG. I do rejoice, although I don't at all know why I should rejoice. + +ERG. You do rightly; _now_ order--HEG. Order what? + +ERG. A large fire to be made. + +HEG. A large fire? ERG. So I say, that a huge one it must be. + +HEG. What, you vulture, do you suppose that for your sake I'm going to +set my house on fire? + +ERG. Don't be angry. Will you order, or will you not order, the pots +to be put on, _and_ the saucepans to be washed out, the bacon and the +dainties to be made warm in the heated cooking-stoves, another one, +_too_, to go purchase the fish? + +HEG. This fellow's dreaming while awake. + +ERG. Another to buy pork, and lamb, and pullets. + +HEG. You understand how to feed well, if you had the means. + +ERG. Gammons of bacon, _too_, and lampreys, spring pickled tunny-fish, +mackerel, and sting-ray; large fish, too, and soft cheese. + +HEG. You will have more opportunity, Ergasilus, here at my house, of +talking about these things than of eating them. + +ERG. Do you suppose that I'm saying this on my own account? + +HEG. You will neither be eating nothing here to-day, nor yet much more +_than usual, so_ don't you be mistaken. Do you then bring an appetite to +my house for your every-day fare. + +ERG. Why, I'll so manage it, that you yourself shall wish to be profuse, +though I myself should desire you not. + +HEG. What, I? ERG. Yes, you. + +HEG. Then you are my master. ERG. Yes, _and_ a kindly disposed one. Do +you wish me to make you happy? + +HEG. Certainly I would, rather than miserable. + +ERG. Give me your hand. HEG. (_extending his hand_) Here is my hand. + +ERG. All the Gods are blessing you. + +HEG. I don't feel it so. ERG. Why, you are not in a quickset hedge,[8] +therefore you don't feel it; but order the vessels, in a clean state, to +be got for you forthwith in readiness for the sacrifice, and one lamb to +be brought here with all haste, a fat one. + +HEG. Why? ERG. That you may offer sacrifice. + +HEG. To which one of the Gods? + +ERG. To myself, i' faith, for now am I your supreme Jupiter. I likewise +am your salvation, your fortune, your life, your delight, your joy. Do +you at once, then, make this Divinity propitious to you by cramming him. + +HEU. You seem to me to be hungry. + +ERG. For myself am I hungry, _and_ not for you. + +HEG. I readily allow of it at your own good will. + +ERG. I believe you; from a boy you were in the habit--[9] + +HEG. May Jupiter and the Gods confound you. + +ERG. I' troth, 'tis fair that for my news you should return me thanks; +such great happiness do I now bring you from the harbour. + +HEG. Now you are flattering me. Begone, you simpleton; you have arrived +behind time, too late. + +ERG. If I had come sooner, then for that reason you might rather have +said that. Now, receive this joyous _news_ of me which I bring _you_; +for at the harbour I just now saw your son Philopolemus in the common +fly-boat, alive, safe and sound, and likewise there that other young man +together with him, and Stalagmus your slave, who fled from your house, +who stole from you your little son, the child of four years old. + +HEG. Away with you to utter perdition! You are trifling with me + +ERG. So may holy Gluttony [10] love me, Hegio, and so may she ever +dignify me with her name, I did see-- + +HEG. My son? ERG. Your son, and my _good_ Genius. + +HEG. That Elean captive, too? + +ERG. Yes, by Apollo. [11] + +HEG. The slave, too? My _slave_ Stalagmus, he that stole my son--? + +ERG. Yes, by Cora HEG. So long a time ago? + +ERG. Yes, by Praeneste! HEG. Is he arrived? + +ERG. Yes, by Signia! HEG. For sure? + +ERG. Yes, by Phrysinone! HEG. Have a care, if you please. + +ERG. Yes, by Alatrium! HEG. Why are you swearing by foreign cities? + +ERG. Why, because they are just as disagreable as you were declaring +your fare to be. + +HEG. Woe be to you! ERG. Because that you don't believe me at all in +what I say in sober earnestness. But of what country was Stalagmus, at +the time when he departed hence? + +HEG. A Sicilian. ERG. But now he is not a Sicilian--he is a Boian; he +has got a Boian woman [12]. A wife, I suppose, has been given to him for +the sake of obtaining children. + +HEG. Tell me, have you said these words to me in good earnest? + +ERG. In good _earnest_. HEG. Immortal Gods, I seem to be born again, if +you are telling the truth. + +ERG. Do you say so? Will you still entertain doubts, when I have +solemnly sworn to you? In fine, Hegio, if you have little confidence in +my oath, go yourself to the harbour and see. + +HEG. I'm determined to do so. Do you arrange in-doors what's requisite. +Use, ask for, take _from my larder_ what you like; I appoint you +cellarman. + +ERG. Now, by my troth, if I have not prophesied truly to you, do you +comb me out with a cudgel. + +HEG. I'll find you in victuals to the end, if you are telling me the +truth. + +ERG. Whence _shall_ it _be_? HEG. From myself and from my son. + +ERG. Do you promise that? HEG. I do promise it. + +ERG. But I, in return, promise [13] you that your son has arrived. + +HEG. Manage as well as ever you can. + +ERG. A happy walk _there_ to you, and _a happy_ walk back. + +(_Exit_ HEGIO. + +[Footnote 1: _To be picking up their teeth_)--Ver. 803. "Dentilegos." He +says that he will knock their teeth out, and so make them pick them up +from the ground. We must suppose that while he is thus hurrying on, he +is walking up one of the long streets which were represented as emerging +on the Roman stage, opposite to the audience.] + +[Footnote 2: _Galling pace_)--Ver. 819. "Crucianti" may mean either +"tormenting" the spectator by reason of the slowness of its pace, or +galling to the rider. "Quadrupedanti crucianti cauterio" is a phrase, +both in sound and meaning, much resembling what our song-books call the +"galloping dreary dun."] + +[Footnote 3: _In the Basilica_)--Ver. 820. The "Basilica" was a building +which served as a court of law, and a place of meeting for merchants +and men of business. The name was perhaps derived from the Greek word +_Basileus_, as the title of the second Athenian Archon, who had his +tribunal or court of justice. The building was probably, in its original +form, an insulated portico. The first edifice of this kind at Rome was +erected B.C. 184; probably about the period when this Play was composed. +It was situate in the Forum, and was built by Porcius Cato, from whom it +was called the "Porcian Basilica." Twenty others were afterwards erected +at different periods in the city. The loungers here mentioned, in the +present instance, were probably sauntering about under the porticos of +the Basilica, when their olfactory nerves were offended by the unsavoury +smell of the fishermen's baskets.] + +[Footnote 4: _About killing lamb_)--Ver. 824. In these lines he seems +to accuse the butchers of three faults--cruelty, knavery, and extortion. +The general reading is "duplam," but Rost suggests "dupla," "at double +the price." If "duplam" is retained, might it not possibly mean that the +butchers agree to kill lamb for you, and bring to you "duplam agninam," +"double lamb," or, in other words, lamb twice as old as it ought to be? +No doubt there was some particular age at which lamb, in the estimation +of Ergasilus and his brother-epicures, was considered to be in its +greatest perfection.] + +[Footnote 5: _Inspector of markets_)--Ver. 829. "Agoranomum." The +Aediles were the inspectors of markets at Rome, while the "Agoranomi" +had a similar office in the Grecian cities.] + +[Footnote 6: _Both these doors_)--Ver. 836. The street-doors of the +ancients were generally "bivalve," or "folding-doors."] + +[Footnote 7: Every spot of sorrow )--Ver. 846. He alludes, figuratively, +to the art of the fuller or scourer, in taking the spots out of soiled +garments.] + +[Footnote 8: _In a quickset hedge_)--Ver. 865. Here is a most wretched +attempt at wit, which cannot be expressed in a literal translation. +Hegio says, "Nihil sentio," "I don't feel it." Ergasilus plays upon +the resemblance of the verb "sentio" to "sentis" and "senticetum," a +"bramble-bush" or "quickset hedge;" and says, 'You don't feel it so," +"non sentis," "because you are not in a quickset hedge,' "in senticeto." +] + +[Footnote 9: _From a boy_)--Ver. 872. An indelicate allusion is covertly +intended in this line. ] + +[Footnote 10: _So may holy Gluttony_--Ver. 882. The Parasite very +appropriately deifies Gluttony: as the Goddess of Bellyful would, of +course, merit his constant worship.] + +[Footnote 11: _Yes, by Apollo_)--Ver. 885. In the exuberance of his joy +at his prospects of good eating, the Parasite gives this, and his next +five replies, in the Greek language; just as the diner-out, and the man +of bon-mots and repartee, might in our day couch his replies in French, +with the shrug of the shoulder and the becoming grimace. He first swears +by Apollo, and then by Cora, which may mean either a city of Campania so +called, or the Goddess Proserpine, who was called by the Greeks, +[Greek: Korae], "the maiden." He then swears by four places in +Campania--Praeneste, Signia, Phrysinone, and Alatrium. As the scene +is in Greece, Hegio asks him why he swears by these foreign places; +to which he gives answer merely because they are as disagreable as the +unsavoury dinner of vegetables which he had some time since promised +him. This is, probably, merely an excuse for obtruding a slighting +remark upon these places, which would meet with a ready response from a +Roman audience, as the Campanians had sided with Hannibal against Rome +in the second Punic war. They were probably miserable places on which +the more refined Romans looked with supreme contempt.] + +[Footnote 12: _Got a Boian woman_)--Vet. 893. There is an indelicate +meaning in the expression "Buiam terere." The whole line is intended +as a play upon words. "Boia" means either "a collar," which was placed +round a prisoner's neck, or a female of the nation of the Boii in Gaul. +"Boiam terere" may mean either "to have the prisoner's collar on," or, +paraphrastically, "to be coupled with a Boian woman." Ergasilus having +seen Stalagmus in the packet-boat with this collar on, declares that +Stalagmus is a Sicilian no longer, for he has turned Boian, having a +Boian helpmate.] + +[Footnote 13: _I, in return, promise_)--Ver. 904. Ergasilus says, "Do +you really promise me this fine entertainment?" To which, Hegio answers, +"Spondeo," "I do promise." On this, Ergasilus replies, "that your son +really has returned, I answer you," "respondeo," or, as he intends it to +be meant, "I promise you once again," or "in return for your promise."] + + +SCENE III.--ERGASILUS, _alone._ + +ERG. He has gone away from here, _and_ has entrusted to me the most +important concern of catering. Immortal Gods! how I shall now be slicing +necks off of sides; how vast a downfall will befall the gammon [1]; how +vast a belabouring the bacon! How great a using-up of udders, how vast +a bewailing for the brawn! How great a bestirring for the butchers, how +great a _preparation_ for the pork-sellers! But if I were to enumerate +the rest of the things which minister to the supply of the stomach, +'twould be _sheer_ delay. Now will I go off to my government, to give +laws to the bacon, and, those gammons that are hanging uncondemned, [2] +to give aid to them. (_Goes into the house._) + +[Footnote 1: _Befall the gammon_)--Ver. 908. An alliteration is +employed in these two lines, which cannot be well kept up in a literal +translation. As, however, in the translation an attempt is made to +give the spirit of the passage, the literal meaning may be here stated. +"Pernis pestis," "a plague to the gammons;" "labes larido," "a fall +for the bacon;" "sumini absumedo," "a consumption of udder;" "callo +calamitas," "destruction to the brawn;" and "laniis lassitudo," +"weariness to the butchers." Sows' udder, with the milk in it, first +dried, and then cooked in some peculiar manner, was considered a great +delicacy by the Roman epicures.] + +[Footnote 2: _Hanging uncondemned_)--Ver. 913. He'll commute the +punishment of the gammons and hams, for they shall hang no longer.] + + +ACT V.--SCENE I. + +_Enter a_ LAD, _a servant of_ HEGIO. + +LAD. May Jupiter and the Deities confound you, Ergasilus, and your +stomach, and all Parasites, and _every one_ who henceforth shall give +a dinner to Parasites. Destruction and devastation _and_ ruin have just +now entered our house. I was afraid that he would be making an attack on +me, as though he had been an hungry wolf. And very dreadfully, upon my +faith, was I frightened at him; he made such a gnashing with his teeth. +On his arrival, the whole larder, with the meat, he turned upside down. +He seized a knife, and first cut off the kernels of the neck [1] from +three sides. All the pots and cups he broke, except those that held a +couple of gallons [2]; of the cook he made enquiry whether the salting +pans could _be set on the fire_ to be made hot. All the cellars in the +house he has broken into, and has laid the store-closet [3] open. (_At +the door._) Watch him, servants, if you please; I'll go to meet the old +gentleman. I'll tell him to get ready some provisions for his own self, +if, indeed, he wishes himself to make use of any. For in this place, as +this man, indeed, is managing, either there's nothing already, or very +soon there will be nothing. (_Exit._ + +[Footnote 1: _The kernels of the neck_)--Ver. 920. The "glandia" were +the kernels or tonsils of the throat, situate just below the root of the +tongue. These portions of the dead pig seem to have been much prized as +delicate eating. Judging from the present passage, the whole side of +the pig, including the half-head, was salted and dried in one piece: The +first thing that the Parasite does, is to cut the kernels from off of +three sides, which he has relieved from the punishment of hanging.] + +[Footnote 2: _A couple of gallons_)--Ver. 921. "Modiales." Literally, +containing a "modius," which contained sixteen sextarii, something more +than a peck of dry-measure English.] + +[Footnote 3: _The store-closet_)--Ver. 923. "Armarium" was to called +because it was originally a place for keeping arms. It afterwards came +to signify a cupboard in a wall, in which clothes, books, money, and +other articles of value, were placed. It was generally in the "atrium," +or principal room of the house. In this instance it evidently means the +store-closet, distinguished from the larder and the] + + +SCENE II.--_Enter_ HEGIO, PHILOPOLEMUS, PHILOCRATES, _and behind them_, +STALAGMUS. + +HEG. To Jove and to the Deities I return with reason hearty thanks, +inasmuch as they have restored you to your father, and inasmuch as they +have delivered me from very many afflictions, which, while I was obliged +to be here without you, I was enduring, and inasmuch as I see that that +_fellow_ (_pointing to_ STALAGMUS) is in my power, and inasmuch as his +word (_pointing to_ PHILOCRATES) has been found true to me. + +PHILOP. Enough now have I grieved from my very soul, and enough with +care and tears have I disquieted myself. Enough now have I heard of your +woes, which at the harbour you told me of. Let us now to this business. + +PHIL. What now, since I've kept my word with you, and have caused him to +be restored back again to freedom? + +HEG. Philocrates, you have acted so that I can never return you thanks +enough, in the degree that you merit from myself and my son. + +PHILOP. Nay, but you can, father, and you will be able, and I shall +be able; and the Divinities will give the means for you to return the +kindness he merits to one who deserves so highly of us; as, my father, +you are able to do to this person who so especially deserves it. + +HEG. What need is there of words? I have no tongue with which to deny +whatever you may ask _of me_. + +PHIL. I ask of you to restore to me that servant whom I left here as +a surety for myself; who has always proved more faithful to me than to +himself; in order that for his services I may be enabled to give him a +reward. + +HEG. Because you have acted _thus_ kindly, the favour shall be returned, +the thing that you ask; both that and anything else that you shall ask +of me, you shall obtain. And I would not have you blame me, because in +my anger I have treated him harshly. + +PHIL. What have you done? HEG. I confined him in fetters at the +stone-quarries, when I found out that I had been imposed upon. + +PHIL. Ah wretched me! That for my safety misfortunes should have +happened to that best of men. + +HEG. Now, on this account, you need not give me even _one_ groat of +silver [1] for him. Receive him of me without cost that he may be free. + +PHIL. On my word, Hegio, you act with kindness; but I entreat that you +will order _this_ man to be sent for. + +HEG. Certainly. (_To the attendants, who immediately obey._) Where are +you? Go this instant, _and_ bring Tyndarus here. (To PHILOPOLEMUS and +PHILOCRATES.) Do you go in-doors; in the meantime, I wish to enquire of +this statue for whipping [2], what was done with my younger son. Do you +go bathe in the meantime. + +PHILOP. Philocrates, follow me this way in-doors. + +PHIL. I follow you. (_They go into the house._) + +[Footnote 1: _One groat of silver_)--Ver. 952. "Libella" was the name +of the smallest silver coin with the Romans, being the tenth part of a +denarius. Hegio seems to make something of a favour of this, and to give +his liberty to Tyndarus in consideration of his punishment; whereas +he had originally agreed with Philocrates that, if Philopolemus was +liberated, both he and Tyndarus should be set at liberty.] + +[Footnote 2: _This statue for whipping_)--Ver. 956. The same expression +occurs in the Pseudolus, I. 911.] + + +SCENE III.--HEGIO _and_ STALAGMUS. + +HEG. Come you, step this way, you worthy fellow, my fine slave. + +STAL. What is fitting for me to do, when you, such a man as you are, are +speaking false? I was never a handsome _or_ a fine, _or_ a good person, +_or_ an honest one, nor shall I ever be; assuredly, don't you be forming +any hopes that I shall be honest. + +HEG. You easily understand pretty well in what situation your fortunes +are. If you shall prove truth-telling, you'll make your lot from bad +somewhat better. Speak out, _then_, correctly and truthfully; but never +yet truthfully or correctly have you acted. + +STAL. Do you think that I'm ashamed to own it, when you affirm it? + +HEG. But I'll make you to be ashamed; for I'll cause you to be blushes +all over [1]. + +STAL. Heyday--you're threatening stripes, I suppose, to me, _quite_ +unaccustomed to them! Away with them, I beg. Tell me what you bring, +that you may carry off hence what you are in want of. + +HEG. Very fluent _indeed_. But now I wish this prating to be cut short. + +STAL. As you desire, so be it done. + +HEG. (_to the_ AUDIENCE). As a boy he was very obedient [2]; now that +suits him not. Let's to this business; now give your attention, and +inform me upon what I ask. If you tell the truth, you'll make your +fortunes somewhat better. + +STAL. That's _mere_ trifling. Don't you think that I know what I'm +deserving of? + +HEG. Still, it is in your power to escape a small portion of it, if not +the whole. + +STAL. A small portion I shall escape, I know; but much will befall me, +and with my deserving it, because I both ran away, and stole your son +and sold him. + +HEG. To what person? STAL. To Theodoromedes the Polyplusian, in Elis, +for six minae. + +HEG. O ye immortal Gods! He surely is the father of this person, +Philocrates. + +STAL. Why, I know him better than yourself, and have seen him more +times. + +HEG. Supreme Jove, preserve both myself and my son for me. (_He goes to +the door, and calls aloud._) Philocrates, by your _good_ Genius, I do +entreat you, come out, I want you. + +[Footnote 1: _Be blushes all over_)--Ver. 967. He means that he will +have him flogged until he is red all over.] + +[Footnote 2: _Was very obedient_)--Ver. 971. An indelicate remark is +covertly intended in this passage.] + + +SCENE IV.--_Enter_ PHILOCRATES, _from the house._ + +PHIL. Hegio, here am I; if you want anything of me, command me. + +HEG. He (_pointing to_ STALAGMUS) declares that he sold my son to your +father, in Elis, for six minae. + +PHIL. (to STALAGMUS). How long since did that happen? + +STAL. This is the twentieth year, commencing _from it_. + +PHIL. He is speaking falsely. STAL. Either I or you _do_. Why, your +father gave you the little child, of four years old, to be your own +slave. + +PHIL. What was his name? If you are speaking the truth, tell me that, +then. + +STAL. Paegnium, he used to be called; afterwards, you gave him the name +of Tyndarus. + +PHIL. Why don't I recollect you? STAL. Because it's the fashion for +persons to forget, and not to know him whose favour is esteemed as worth +nothing. + +PHIL. Tell me, was he the person whom you sold to my father, who was +given me for my private service? + +STAL. _It was_ his son (_pointing to_ HEGIO). + +HEG. Is this person now living? STAL. I received the money. I cared +nothing about the rest. + +HEG. (_to_ PHILOCRATES). What do you say? + +PHIL. Why, this very Tyndarus is your son, according, indeed, to the +proofs that he mentions. For, a boy _himself_ together with me from +boyhood was he brought up, virtuously and modestly, even to manhood. + +HEG. I am both unhappy and happy, if you are telling the truth. Unhappy +for this reason, because, if he is my son, I have badly treated him. +Alas! why have I done both more and less than was his due. That I have +ill treated him I am grieved; would that it only could be undone. But +see, he's coming here, in a guise not according to his deserts. + + +SCENE V.--_Enter_ TYNDARUS, _in chains, led in by the_ SERVANTS. + +TYND. (_to himself_). I have seen many of the torments which take place +at Acheron [1] often represented in paintings [2]; but most certainly +there is no Acheron equal to where I have been in the stone-quarries. +There, in fine, is the place where real lassitude must be undergone +by the body in laboriousness. For when I came there, just as either +jackdaws, or ducks, or quails, are given to Patrician children [3], for +them to play with, so in like fashion, when I arrived, a crow was given +[4] me with which to amuse myself. But see, my master's before the door; +and lo! my other master has returned from Elis. + +HEG. Hail to you, my much wished-for son. + +TYND. Ha! how--my son? Aye, aye, I know why you pretend yourself to be +the father, and me to be the son; _it is_ +because, just as parents do, you give me the means of seeing the light[5]. + +PHIL. Hail to you, Tyndarus. TYND. And to you, for whose sake I am +enduring these miseries. + +PHIL. But now I'll make you in freedom come to wealth. For (_pointing +to_ HEGIO) this is your father; (_pointing to_ STALAGMUS) that is the +slave who stole you away from here when four years old, _and_ sold you +to my father for six minae. He gave you, when a little child, to me a +little child, for my own service. He (_pointing to_ STALAGMUS). has made +a confession, for we have brought him back from Elis. + +TYND. How, where's _Hegio's_ son? PHIL. Look _now_; in-doors is your own +brother. + +TYND. How do you say? Have you brought that captive son of his? + +PHIL. Why, he's in-doors, I say. + +TYND. By my faith, you're done both well and happily. + +PHIL. (_pointing to_ HEGIO). Now this is your own father; (_pointing to_ +STALAGMUS) this is the thief who stole you when a little child. + +TYND. But now, grown up, I shall give him grown up to the executioner +for his thieving. + +PHIL. He deserves it. TYND. I' faith, I'll deservedly give him the +reward that he deserves. (_To_ HEGIO.) But tell me I pray you, are you +my father? + +HEG, I am he, my son. TYND. Now, at length, I bring it to my +recollection, when I reconsider with myself: troth, I do now at last +recall to memory that I had heard, as though through a mist, that my +father was called Hegio. + +HEG. I am he. PHIL. I pray that your son may be lightened of these +fetters, and this slave be loaded with them. + +HEG. I'm resolved that that shall be the first thing attended to. Let's +go in-doors, that the blacksmith may be sent for, in order that I may +remove those fetters from you, and give them to him. (_They go into the +house._) + +STAL. To one who has no savings _of his own_, you'll be rightly doing so +[6]. + +_The_ COMPANY _of_ PLAYERS _coming forward._ + +Spectators, this play is founded on chaste manners. No wenching is there +in this, and no intriguing, no exposure of a child, no cheating out of +money; and no young man in love here make his mistress free without his +father's knowledge. The Poets find but few Comedies [7] of this kind, +where good men might become better. Now, if it pleases you, and if we +have pleased you, and have not been tedious, do you give this sign _of +it_: you who wish that chaste manners should have their reward, give +_us_ your applause. + +[Footnote 1: _At Acheron_)--Ver. 1003. He here speaks of Acheron, not as +one of the rivers of hell, but as the infernal regions themselves.] + +[Footnote 2: _Represented in paintings_)--Ver. 1003 Meursius thinks +that the torments of the infernal regions were frequently represented in +pictures, for the purpose of deterring men from evil actions, by keeping +in view the certain consequences of their bad conduct.] + +[Footnote 3: _To Patrician children_)--Ver. 1007. This passage is +confirmed by what Pliny the Younger tells us in his Second Epistle. He +says, that on the death of the son of Regulus, his father, in his grief, +caused his favourite ponies and dogs, with his nightingales, parrots, +and jackdaws, to be consumed on the funeral pile. It would certainly +have been a greater compliment to his son's memory had he preserved +them, and treated them kindly; but probably he intended to despatch them +as playthings for the child in the other world.] + +[Footnote 4: _A crow was given_)--Ver. 1009. "Upupa." He puns upon the +twofold meaning of this word, which signified either "a mattock" or a +bird called a "hoopoe," according to the context. To preserve the spirit +of the pun, a somewhat different translation has been given.] + +[Footnote 5: _Of seeing the light_)--Ver. 1013. He says, "You can only +resemble a parent in the fact that you have given me the opportunity of +seeing the light of day, by taking me out of the dark stone-quarries."] + +[Footnote 6: _Be rightly doing so_)--Ver. 1033. Stalagmus chooses to +take the word "dem" "may give," used by Hegio in its literal sense, +and surlily replies, "I have nothing of my own by way of savings, +'peculium,' so I am the very person to whom you ought to give."] + +[Footnote 7: _Find but few Comedies_)--Ver. 1038. He here confesses that +he does not pretend to frame the plots of his Plays himself, but that he +goes to Greek sources for them; and forgetting that "beggars most not +be choosers," he complains that so very few of the Greek Comedies are +founded upon chaste manners. Indeed, this Play is justly deemed the most +pure and innocent of all the Plays of Plautus; and the Company are quite +justified in the commendations which, in their Epilogue, they bestow +on it, as the author has carried out the premise which he made in the +Prologue (with only four slight exceptions), of presenting them with an +immaculate Play.] + + + + + +MOSTELLARIA OR, THE HAUNTED HOUSE. + + + + +DRAMATIS PERSONAE. + + THEUROPIDES, a merchant of Athens. + SIMO, an aged Athenian, his neighbour. + PHILOLACHES, son of Theuropides. + CALLIDAMATES, a young Athenian, friend of Philolaches. + TRANIO, servant of Philolaches. + GRUMIO, servant of Theuropides. + PHANISCUS, servant of Callidamates. + ANOTHER SERVANT of Callidamates. + A BANKER. + A BOY. + PHILEMATIUM, a music-girl, mistress of Philolaches. + SCAPHA, her attendant. + DELPHIUM, mistress of Callidamates. + +_Scene_--Athens: before the houses of THEUROPIDES and SIMO. + + + +MOSTELLARIA [1] OR, THE HAUNTED HOUSE. + +[Footnote 1: _Mottellaria_) This is a word probably derived from +"mostellum," the diminutive of "monstrum," a "spectre" or "prodigy." It +was probably coined by Plautus to serve as the title of this Play, +which is called by several of the ancient Commentators by the name of +"Phasma," "the Apparition."] + + + + +THE ACROSTIC ARGUMENT. [Supposed to have been written by Priscian the +Grammarian.] + +PHILOLACHES has given liberty to (_Manumisit_) his mistress who has +been bought _by him_, and he consumes all (_Omnem_) his substance in +the absence of his father. When he returns, Tranio deceives the old man +(_Senem_); he says that frightful (_Terrifica_) apparitions have been +seen in the house, and (_Et_) that at once they had removed from it. A +Usurer, greedy of gain (_Lucripeta_), comes up in the meantime, asking +for the interest _of some money_, and again the old man is made sport +of (_Lusus_) for the _servant_ says that a deposit for a house which +has been bought has been taken up (_Acceptum_) on loan. _The old man_ +enquires (_Requirit_) which it is; he says that of the neighbour next +door. He then looks over (_Inspectat_) it. Afterwards he is vexed that +he has been laughed at; still by (_Ab_) the companion of his son he is +_finally_ appeased. + + + +ACT I.--SCENE I. _Enter, from the house of_ THEUROPIDES, GRUMIO, +_pushing out_ TRANIO. + +GRU. Get out of the kitchen, will you; out of it, _you_ whip-scoundrel, +who are giving me your cavilling talk amid the platters; march out of +the house, you ruin of your master. Upon my faith, if I _only_ live, +I'll be soundly revenged upon you in the country. Get out, I say, you +steam of the kitchen. Why are you skulking _thus_? + +TRA. Why the plague are you making _this_ noise here before the house? +Do you fancy yourself to be in the country[1]? Get out of the house; +be off into the country. Go and hang yourself. Get away from the door. +(_Striking him_.) There now, was it that you wanted? + +GRU. (_running away_). I'm undone! Why are you beating me? TRA. Because +you want it. + +GRU. I must endure it. Only let the old gentleman return _home_; only +let him come safe _home_, whom you are devouring in his absence. + +TRA. You don't say what's either likely or true, you blockhead, as to +any one devouring a person in his absence. + +GRU. Indeed, you town wit, you minion of the mob, do you throw the +country in my teeth? Really, Tranio, I do believe that you feel sure +that before long you'll be handed over to the mill. Within a short +period, i' faith, Tranio, you'll full soon be adding to the iron-bound +race [2] in the country. While you choose to, and have the opportunity, +drink on, squander his property, corrupt my master's son, a most worthy +young man, drink night and day, live like Greeks [3], make purchase of +mistresses, give them their freedom, feed parasites, feast yourselves +sumptuously. Was it thus that the old gentleman enjoined you when +he went hence abroad? Is it after this fashion that he will find his +property well husbanded? Do you suppose that this is the duty of a good +servant, to be ruining both the estate and the son of his master? For I +do consider him as ruined, when he devotes himself to these goings on. +_A person_, with whom not one of all the young men of Attica was before +deemed equally frugal or more steady, the same is now carrying off +the palm in the opposite direction. Through your management and your +tutoring has that been done. + +TRA. What the plague business have you with me or with, what I do? +Prithee, haven't you got _your_ cattle in the country for you to look +to? I choose to drink, to intrigue, to keep my wenches; this I do at the +peril of my own back, _and_ not of yours. + +GRU. Then with what assurance he does talk! (_Turning away in disgust._) +Faugh! + +TRA. But may Jupiter and all the Deities confound you; you stink of +garlick, you filth unmistakeable, you clod, you he-goat, you pig-sty, +you mixture of dog and she-goat. + +GRU. What would you have to be done? It isn't all that can smell of +foreign perfumes, if you smell of them; or that can take their places at +table above their master, or live on such exquisite dainties as you live +upon. Do you keep to yourself those turtle-doves, _that_ fish, _and_ +poultry; let me enjoy my lot upon garlick diet. You are fortunate; I +unlucky. It must be endured. Let my good fortune be awaiting me, your +bad yourself. + +TRA. You seem, Grumio, as though you envied me, because I enjoy myself +and you are wretched. It is quite my due. It's proper for me to make +love, and for you to feed the cattle; for me to fare handsomely, you in +a miserable way. + +GRU. O riddle for the executioner [4], as I guess it will turn out; +they'll be so pinking you with goads, as you carry your gibbet [5] along +the streets one day, as soon as ever the old gentleman returns here. + +TERA. How do you know whether that mayn't happen to yourself sooner than +to me? GRU. Because I have never deserved it; you have deserved it, and +you now deserve it. + +TRA. Do cut short the trouble of your talking, unless you wish a heavy +mischance to befall you. + +GRU. Are you going to give me the tares for me to take for the cattle? +If you are not, give me the money. Go on, still persist in the way in +which you've commenced! Drink, live like Greeks, eat, stuff yourselves, +slaughter your fatlings! + +TRA. Hold your tongue, and be off into the country; I intend to go to +the Piraeus to get me some fish for the evening. To-morrow I'll make +some one bring you the tares to the farm. What's the matter? Why now are +you staring at me, gallows-bird? + +GRU. I' faith, I've an idea that will be your own title before long. + +TRA. So long as it is as it is, in the meantime I'll put up with that +"before long." + +GRU. That's the way; and understand this one thing, that that which is +disagreable comes much more speedily than that which you wish for. + +TRA. Don't you be annoying; now then, away with you into the country, +and betake yourself off. Don't you deceive yourself, henceforth you +shan't be causing me _any_ impediment. (_Exit._ + +GRU. (_to himself_). Is he really gone? Not to care one straw for what +I've said! O immortal Gods, I do implore your aid, do cause this old +gentleman of ours, who has now been three years absent from here, to +return hither as soon as possible, before everything is gone, both house +and land. Unless he does return here, remnants to last for a few months +_only_ are left. Now I'll be off to the country; but look! I see +my master's son, one who has been corrupted from having been a most +excellent young man. (_Exit._ + +[Footnote 1: In the country)--Ver. 7. Grumio appears to have been cook +and herdsman combined, and perhaps generally employed at the country +farm of Thenropides. On this occasion he seems to have been summoned to +town to cook for the entertainment which Philolaches is giving to his +friends.] + +[Footnote 2: _The iron-bound race_)--Ver. 18. The gang of slaves, who, +for their malpractices, are working in the country in chains.] + +[Footnote 3: _Live like Greeks_)--Ver. 21. "Pergraescamini." Though the +Scene is at Athens, Plautus consults the taste of a Roman Audience, as +on many other occasions, in making the Greeks the patterns of riotous +livers. Asconius Pedianus says that at these entertainments the Greeks +drank off a cup of wine every time they named a Divinity or mentioned a +friend.] + +[Footnote 4: _Riddle for the executioner_)--Ver. 52. Riddled with holes +by the scourge of the executioner.] + +[Footnote 5: _You carry your gibbet_--Ver. 53. Bearing his own cross; a +refinement of torture which was too often employed upon malefactors.] + + +SCENE II.--_Enter_ PHILOLACHES, _from the house of_ THEUROPIDES. + +PHIL. (_to himself_). I've often thought and long reflected on it, and +in my breast have held many a debate, and in my heart (if any heart I +have) have revolved this matter, and long discussed it, to what thing +I'm to consider man as like, and what form he has when he is born? I've +now discovered this likeness. I think a man is like unto a new house +when he is born. I'll give my proofs of this fact. (_To the_ AUDIENCE.) +And does not this seem to you like the truth? But so I'll manage that +you shall think it is so. Beyond a doubt I'll convince you that it is +true what I say. And this yourselves, I'm sure, when you have heard my +words, will say is no otherwise than just as I now affirm that it is. +Listen while I repeat my proofs of this fact; I want you to be equally +knowing with myself upon this matter. As soon as ever a house is built +up, nicely polished off [1], carefully erected, _and_ according to rule, +people praise the architect and approve of the house, they take from it +each one a model for himself. Each one _has_ something similar, quite +at his own expense; they do not spare their pains. But when a worthless, +lazy, dirty, negligent fellow betakes himself thither with an idle +family, then is it imputed as a fault to the house, while a good _house_ +is being kept in bad repair. And this is often the case; a storm comes +on and breaks the tiles and gutters; then a careless owner takes no heed +to put up others. A shower comes on _and_ streams down the walls; the +rafters admit the rain; the weather rots the labours of the builder; +then the utility of the house becomes diminished; and yet this is not +the fault of the builder. But a great part _of mankind_ have contracted +this _habit of_ delay; if anything can be repaired by means of money, +they are always still putting it off, and don't * * * do it until the +walls come tumbling down [2]; _then_ the whole house has to be built +anew. These instances from buildings I've mentioned; and now I wish to +inform you how you are to suppose that men are like houses. In the first +place then, the parents are the builders-up of the children, and lay the +foundation for the children; they raise them up, they carefully train +them to strength, and that they may be good both for service and for +view before the public. They spare not either their own pains or their +cost, nor do they deem expense in that to be an expense. They refine +them, teach them literature, the ordinances, the laws; at their own cost +and labour they struggle, that others may wish for their own _children_ +to be like to them. When they repair to the army, they then find them +some relation [3] of theirs as a protector. At that moment they pass out +of the builder's hands. One year's pay has _now_ been earned; at that +period, then, a sample is on view how the building will turn out. But +I was always discreet and virtuous, just as long as I was under the +management of the builder. After I had left him to follow the bent of +my own inclinations, at once I entirely spoiled the labours of the +builders. Idleness came on; that was my storm; on its arrival, upon me +it brought down hail _and_ showers, which overthrew my modesty and the +bounds of virtue, and untiled them for me in an instant. After that +I was neglectful to cover in _again_; at once passion like a torrent +entered my heart; it flowed down even unto my breast, _and_ soaked +through my heart. Now both property, credit, fair fame, virtue, _and_ +honor have forsaken _me_; by usage have I become much worse, and, i' +faith (so rotten are these rafters of _mine_ with moisture), I do not +seem to myself to be able possibly to patch up my house to _prevent +it_ from falling down totally once for all, from perishing from the +foundation, _and_ from no one being able to assist me. My heart pains +me, when I reflect how I now am and how I _once_ was, than whom in +youthful age not one there was more active in the arts of exercise [4], +with the quoit, the javelin, the ball, racing, arms, _and_ horses. I +_then_ lived a joyous life [5]; in frugality and hardihood I was an +example to others; all, even the most deserving, took a lesson from me +for themselves. Now that I'm become worthless, to that, indeed, have I +hastened through the bent of my inclinations. (_He stands apart._) + +[Footnote 1: _Polished off_)--Ver. 98. From this passage it would +seem that pains were taken to give the houses a smooth and polished +appearance on the outside.] + +[Footnote 2: _Walls come tumbling down_)--Ver. 114. Warner remarks that +a sentiment not unlike this is found in Scripture, Ecclesiastes, x. 18: +"By much slothfulness, the building decayeth; and through idleness of +the hands the house droppeth through." It may be also observed that the +passage is very similar to the words of the parable of the foolish +man who built his house upon sand, St. Matthew, vii. 26: "And the rain +descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat upon that +house, and it fell; and great was the fall thereof."] + +[Footnote 3: _Find them some relation_)--Ver. 127. In the first year of +military service the Roman youths were placed under the tutelage of some +relation or friend.] + +[Footnote 4: _In the arts of exercise_)--Ver. 147. "Arte gymnastica." +Literally, "in the gymnastic art."] + +[Footnote 5: _Lived a joyous life_)--Ver. 148. "Victitabam volup." +Lambinus suggests that the true reading here is "hand volup," "not +voluptuously."] + + +SCENE III.--_Enter_ PHILEMATIUM _and_ SCAPHA, _with all the requisites +for a toilet._ + +PHILE. On my word, for this long time I've not bathed in cold water with +more delight _than just now_; nor do I think that I ever was, my _dear_ +Scapha, more thoroughly cleansed _than now_. + +SCA. May the upshot of everything be _unto you_ like a plenteous year's +harvest. + +PHILE. What has this harvest got to do with my bathing? + +SCA. Not a bit more than your bathing _has to do_ with the harvest. + +PHILO. (_apart_). O beauteous Venus, this is that storm of mine which +stripped off all the modesty with which I was roofed; through which +Desire and Cupid poured their shower into my breast; and never since +have I been able to roof it in. Now are my walls soaking in my heart; +this building is utterly undone. + +PHILE. Do look, my Scapha, there's a dear, whether this dress quite +becomes me. I wish to please Philolaches my protector, the apple of my +eye. + +SCA. Nay but, you set yourself off to advantage with pleasing manners, +inasmuch as you yourself are pleasing. The lover isn't in love with a +woman's dress, but with that which stuffs out [1]the dress. + +PHILO. (_apart_). So may the Gods bless me, Scapha is waggish; the +hussy's quite knowing. How cleverly she understands all matters, the +maxims of lovers too! + +PHILE. Well now? SCA. What is it? + +PHILE. Why look at me and examine, how this becomes me. + +SCA. Thanks to your good looks, it happens that whatever you put on +becomes you. + +PHILO. (_apart_). Now then, for that expression, Scapha, I'll make you +some present or other to-day, and I won't allow you to have praised her +for nothing who is so pleasing to me. + +PHILE. I don't want you to flatter me. + +SCA. Really you are a very simple woman. Come now, would you rather be +censured undeservedly, than be praised with truth? Upon thy faith, for +my own part, even though undeservedly, I'd much rather be praised than +be found fault with with reason, or that other people should laugh at my +appearance. + +PHILE. I love the truth; I wish the truth to be told me; I detest a +liar. + +SCA. So may you love me, _and_ so may your Philolaches love you, how +charming you are. + +PHILO. (_apart_). How say you, you hussy? In what words did you adjure? +"So may I love her?" Why wasn't "So may she _love_ me" added as well? I +revoke the present. What I just now promised you is done for; you have +lost the present. + +SCA. Troth, for my part I am surprised that you, a person so knowing, +so clever, and _so_ well educated, are not aware that you are acting +foolishly. + +PHILE. Then give me your advice, I beg, if I have done wrong in +anything. + +SCA. I' faith, you certainly do wrong, in setting your mind upon +him alone, in fact, and humouring him in particular in this way and +slighting other men. It's the part of a married woman, _and_ not of +courtesans, to be devoted to a single lover. + +PHILO. (_apart_). O Jupiter! Why, what pest is this that has befallen +my house? May all the Gods and Goddesses destroy me in the worst of +fashions, if I don't kill this old hag with thirst, and hunger, and +cold. + +PHILE. I don't want you, Scapha, to be giving me bad advice. + +SCA. You are clearly a simpleton, in thinking that he'll for everlasting +be your friend and well-wisher. I warn you _of that_; he'll forsake you +by reason of age and satiety. + +PHILE. I hope not. + +SCA. Things which you don't hope happen more frequently than things +which you do hope. In fine, if you cannot be persuaded by words to +believe this to be the truth, judge of my words from facts; consider +_this_ instance, who I _now_ am, and who I _once_ was. No less than +you _are_ now, was I _once_ beloved, and I devoted myself to one, who, +faith, when with age this head changed its hue, forsook and deserted me. +Depend on it, the same will happen to yourself. + +PHILO. (_apart_). I can scarcely withhold myself from flying at the eyes +of this mischief-maker. + +PHILE. I am of opinion that I ought to keep myself alone devoted to him, +since to myself alone has he given freedom for himself alone. + +PHILO. (_apart_). O ye immortal Gods! what a charming woman, and of +a disposition how chaste! By heaven, 'tis excellently done, and I'm +rejoiced at it, that it is for her sake I've got nothing _left_. + +SCA. On my word you really are silly. + +PHILE. For what reason? + +SCA. Because you care for this, whether he loves you. + +PHILE. Prithee, why should I not care for it? + +SCA. You now are free. You've now got what you wanted; if he didn't +still love you, as much money as he gave for your liberty, he'd lose. + +PHILO. (_apart_). Heavens, I'm a dead man if I don't torture her to +death after the most shocking fashion. That evil-persuading enticer to +vice is corrupting this damsel. + +PHILE. Scapha, I can never return him _sufficient_ thanks for what he +deserves of me; don't you be persuading me to esteem him less. + +SCA. But take care and reflect upon this one thing, if you devote +yourself to him alone, while now you are at this youthful age, you'll be +complaining to no purpose in your aged years. + +PHILO. (_apart_). I could wish myself this instant changed into a +quinsy, that I might seize the throat of that old witch, and put an end +to the wicked mischief-maker. + +PHILE. It befits me now to have the same grateful feelings since I +obtained it, as formerly before I acquired it, when I used to lavish +caresses upon him. + +PHILO. (_apart_). May the Gods do towards me what they please, if for +that speech I don't make you free over again, and if I don't torture +Scapha to death. + +SCA. If you are quite assured that you will have a provision to the end, +and that this lover will be your own for life, I think that you ought to +devote yourself to him alone, and assume the character of a wife [2]. + +PHILE. Just as a person's character is, he's in the habit of finding +means accordingly; if I keep a good character for myself I shall be rich +enough. + +PHILO. (_apart_). By my troth, since selling there must be, my father +shall be sold much sooner than, while I'm alive, I'll ever permit you to +be in want or go a-begging. + +SCA. What's to become of the rest of those who are in love with you? + +PHILE. They'll love me the more when they see me displaying gratitude to +one who has done me services. + +PHILO. (_apart_). I do wish that news were brought me now that my +father's dead, that I might disinherit myself of my property, and that +she might be my heir. + +SCA. This property _of his_ will certainly soon be at an end; day and +night there's eating _and_ drinking, and no one displays thriftiness; +'tis downright cramming [3]. + +PHILO. (_apart_). I' faith, I'm determined to make trial on yourself for +the first to be thrifty; for you shall neither eat nor drink anything at +my house for the next ten days. + +PHILE. If you choose to say anything good about him, you shall be at +liberty to say it; if you speak otherwise than well, on my word you +shall have a beating instantly. + +PHILO. (_apart_). Upon my faith, if I had paid sacrifice to supreme Jove +with that money which I gave for her liberty, never could I have so well +employed it. Do see, how, from her very heart's core, she loves me! Oh, +I'm a fortunate man; I've liberated _in her_ a patron to plead my cause +for me. + +SCA. I see that, compared with Philolaches, you disregard _all_ other +men; now, that on his account I mayn't get a beating, I'll agree with +you in preference, if you are quite satisfied that he will always prove +a friend to you. + +PHILE. Give me the mirror [4], and the casket with my trinkets, +directly, Scapha, that I may be _quite_ dressed when Philolaches, my +delight, comes here. + +SCA. A woman who neglects herself and her _youthful_ age has occasion +for a mirror; what need of a mirror have you, who yourself are in +especial a mirror for a mirror. + +PHILO. (_apart_). For that expression, Scapha, that you mayn't have +said anything so pretty in vain, I'll to-day give something for your +savings--to you, my Philematium. + +PHILE. (_while_ SCAPHA _is dressing her hair_). Will you see that each +hair is nicely arranged in its own place? + +SCA. When you _yourself_ are _so_ nice, do believe that your hair must +be nice. + +PHILO. (_apart_). Out upon it! what worse thing can possibly be spoken +of than this woman? Now the jade's a flatterer, just now she was all +contradictory. + +PHILE. Hand me the ceruse [5]. + +SCA. Why, what need of ceruse _have you_? + +PHILE. To paint my cheeks with it. + +SCA. On the same principle, you would want to be making ivory white with +ink. + +PHILO. (_apart_). Cleverly said that, about the ink and the ivory! +Bravo! I applaud you, Scapha. + +PHILE. Well then, do you give me the rouge. + +SCA. I shan't give it. You really are a clever one. Do you wish to patch +up a most clever piece with new daubing? It's not right that any paint +should touch that person, neither ceruse, nor quince-ointment, nor any +other wash. Take the mirror, then. (_Hands her the glass._) + +PHILO. (_apart._) Ah wretched me!--she gave the glass a kiss. I could +much wish for a stone, with which to break the head of that glass. + +SCA. Take the towel and wipe your hands. + +PHILE. Why so, prithee? + +SCA. As you've been holding the mirror, I'm afraid that your hands may +smell of silver; lest Philolaches should suspect you've been receiving +silver somewhere. + +PHILO. (_apart_). I don't think that I ever did see anyone procuress +more cunning. How cleverly and artfully did it occur to the jade's +imagination about the mirror! + +PHILE. Do you think I ought to be perfumed with unguents as well? + +SCA. By no means do so. PHILE. For what reason? + +SCA. Because, i' faith, a woman smells best [6] when she smells of +nothing at all. For those old women who are in the habit of anointing +themselves with unguents, vampt up _creatures_, old hags, _and_ +toothless, who hide the blemishes of the person with paint, when the +sweat has blended itself with the unguents, forthwith they stink just +like when a cook has poured together a variety of broths; what they +smell of, you don't know, except this only, that you understand that +badly they do smell. + +PHILO. (_apart_). How very cleverly she does understand everything! +There's nothing more knowing than this knowing woman! (_To the_ +AUDIENCE.) This is the truth, and a very great portion, in fact, of you +know it, who have old women for wives at home who purchased you with +their portions. + +PHILE. Come now; examine my golden trinkets and my mantle; does this +quite become me, Scapha? + +SCA. It befits not me to concern myself about that. + +PHILE. Whom then, prithee? + +SCA. I'll tell you; Philolaches; so that he may not buy anything except +that which he fancies will please you. For a lover buys the favours of +a mistress for himself with gold and purple garments. What need is there +for that which he doesn't want as his own, to be shown him still? Age is +to be enveloped in purple; gold ornaments are unsuitable for a woman. +A beautiful woman will be more beautiful naked than drest in purple. +Besides, it's in vain she's well-drest if she's ill-conducted; +ill-conduct soils fine ornaments worse than dirt. But if she's +beauteous, she's sufficiently adorned. + +PHILO. (_apart_). Too long have I withheld my hand. (_Coming forward._) +What are you about here? + +PHILE. I'm decking myself out to please you. + +PHILO. You are dressed enough. (_To_ SCAPHA.) Go you hence indoors, and +take away this finery. (SCAPHA _goes into the house._) But, my delight, +my Philematium, I have a mind to regale together with you. + +PHILE. And, i' faith, so I have with you; for what you have a mind to, +the same have I a mind to, my delight. + +PHILO. Ha! at twenty minae that expression were cheap. + +PHILE. Give me ten, there's a dear; I wish to let you have that +expression bought a bargain. + +PHILO. You've already got ten minae with you; or reckon up the account: +thirty minae I gave for your freedom-- + +PHILE. Why reproach me _with that_? + +PHILO. What, I reproach you with it? Why, I had rather that I myself +were reproached with it; no money whatever for this long time have I +ever laid out equally well. + +PHILE. Surely, in loving you, I never could have better employed my +pains. + +PHILO. The account, then, of receipts and expenditure fully tallies +between ourselves; you love me, I love you. Each thinks that it is so +deservedly. Those who rejoice at this, may they ever rejoice at the +continuance of their own happiness. Those who envy, let not any one +henceforth be ever envious of their blessings. + +PHILE. (_pointing to a couch on the stage_). Come, take your place, +then. (_At the door, to a_ SERVANT, _who obeys._) Boy, bring some water +for the hands; put a little table here. See where are the dice. Would +you like some perfumes? (_They recline on the couch._) + +PHILO. What need is there? Along with myrrh I am reclining. But isn't +this my friend who's coming hither with his mistress? 'Tis he; it's +Callidamates; look, he's coming. Capital! my sweet one, see, our +comrades are approaching; they're coming to share the spoil. + +[Footnote 1: _That which stuffs out_)--Ver. 164. That is, the body.] + +[Footnote 2: _Assume the character of a wife_)--Ver. 220. "Capiundos +crines." Literally, "the hair mast be assumed." Festus says that it was +usual on the occasion of the marriage ceremony, to add six rows of curls +to the hair of the bride, in imitation of the Vestal virgins, who were +patterns of purity, and were dressed in that manner. Hence the term +"capere crines" came to signify "to become a wife."] + +[Footnote 3: _'Tis downright cramming_)--Ver. 230. "Sagina plane est." +"Sagina" was the term applied to the fattening or cramming of animals +for the purpose of killing. The use of the term implies Scapha'a notion +of the bestial kind of life that Philolaches was leading.] + +[Footnote 4: _Give me the mirror_)--Ver. 242. Probably a mirror with a +handle, such as the servants usually held for their mistresses. There is +something comical in the notion of a female coming out into the street +to make her toilet.] + +[Footnote 5: _Hand me the ceruse_)--Ver. 252. White lead, or "cerussa," +was used by the Roman women for the purpose of whitening the complexion. +Ovid mentions it in his Treatise on the Care of the Complexion, L 73.] + +[Footnote 6: _A woman smells best_)--Ver. 267. Cicero and Martial have +a similar sentiment; their opinion has been followed by many modern +writers, and other persons as well.] + + +SCENE IV.--_Enter_ CALLIDAMATES, _at a distance, drunk, and_ DELPHIUM, +_followed by a_ SERVANT. + +CALL. (_to his_ SERVANT). I want you to come for me [1] in good time to +the house of Philolaches; listen you; well then! those are your orders. +(_Exit_ SERVANT.) For from the place where I was, thence did I betake +myself off; so confoundedly tired was I there with the entertainment and +the discourse. Now I'll go to Philolaches to have a bout; there he'll +receive us with jovial feelings and handsomely. Do I seem to you to be +fairly drenched, my bubsy? + +DEL. You ought always to live pursuing this course of life. + +CALL. Should you like, _then_, for me to hug you, and you me? DEL. If +you've a mind to do so, of course. + +CALL. You are a charming one. (_He stumbles._) Do hold me up, there's a +dear. + +DEL. (_holding him by the arm_). Take care you don't fall. Stand up. + +CALL. O! you are the apple of my eye. I'm your fosterling, my honey. +(_He stumbles._) + +DEL. (_still holding him up_). Only do take care that you don't recline +in the street, before we get to a place where a couch is ready laid. + +CALL. Do let me fall. + +DEL. _Well_, I'll let you. (_Lets go._) + +CALL. (_dragging her as he falls_). But that as well which I've got hold +of in my hand. + +DEL. If you fall, you shan't fall without me falling with you. Then +some one shall pick us both up as we lie. (_Aside._) The man's quite +drenched. + +CALL. (_overhearing_). Do you say that I am drenched, my bubsy? + +DEL. Give me your hand; I really do not want you hurt. + +CALL. (_giving his hand_). There now, take it. + +DEL. Come, move on with me. + +CALL. Where am I going, do you know? + +DEL. I know. + +CALL. It has just come into my head: why, of course I'm going home for a +booze. + +DEL. Why yes, really now I do remember that. + +PHILO. Won't you let me go to find them, my life? Of all persons I wish +well to him especially. I'll return just now. (_Goes forward towards the +door._) + +PHILE. That "just now" is a long time to me. + +CALL. (_going to the door and knocking_). Is there any person here? + +PHILO. 'Tis he. + +CALL. (_turning round_). Bravo! Philolaches, good day to you, most +friendly to me of all men. + +PHILO. May the Gods bless you. (_Pointing to a couch._) Take your place, +Callidamates. (_He takes his place._) Whence are you betaking yourself? + +CALL. Whence a drunken man _does_. + +PHILO. Well said. But, my Delphium, do take your place, there's a dear. +(_She takes her place on a couch._) + +CALL. Give her something to drink. I shall go to sleep directly. (_Nods +and goes to sleep._) + +PHILO. He doesn't do anything wonderful or strange. What shall I do with +him then, my dear? + +DEL. Let him alone just as he is. + +PHILO. Come, you _boy_. Meanwhile, speedily pass the goblet round, +beginning with Delphium. + +[Footnote 1: _You to come for me_)--Ver. 306. Though none of the +Editions say so, it is not improbable that this is said to Phaniscus, +who, in the sequel, comes to fetch Callidamates home. The duties of the +"adversitor" have been alluded to in a previous Note.] + + +SCENE V.--_Enter_ TRANIO, _at a distance._ + +TRA. (_to himself_). Supreme Jove, with all his might and resources, is +seeking for me and Philolaches, my master's son, to be undone. Our +hopes are destroyed; nowhere is there any hold for courage; not _even_ +Salvation [1] _now_ could save us if she wished. Such an immense +mountain of woe have I just now seen at the harbour: my master has +arrived from abroad; Tranio is undone! (_To the_ AUDIENCE.) Is there +any person who'd like to make gain of a little money, who could this +day endure to take my place in being tortured? Where are those fellows +hardened to a flogging, the wearers-out of iron chains, or those, who, +for the consideration of three didrachms, would get beneath besieging +towers [2], where some are in the way of having their bodies pierced +with fifteen spears? I'll give a talent to that man who shall be the +first to run to the cross _for me_; but on condition that twice his +feet, twice his arms [3] are fastened there. When that shall have been +done, then ask the money down of me. But am I not a wretched fellow, not +at full speed to be running home? + +PHILO. Here come the provisions; see, here's Tranio; he's come back from +the harbour. + +TRA. (_running_). Philolaches! + +PHILO. What's the matter? TRA. Both I and you-- + +PHILO. What about "Both I and you?" + +TRA. Are undone! + +PHILO. Why so? TRA. Your father's here. + +PHILO. What is it I hear of you? + +TRA. We are finished up. Your father's come, I say. + +PHILO. (_starting up._) Where is he, I do entreat you? + +TRA. He's coming. + +PHILO. Coming? Who says so? Who has seen him? + +TRA. I saw him myself, I tell you. + +PHILO. Woe unto me! what am I about? + +TRA. Why the plague now do you ask me, what you are about? Taking your +place at table, _of course_. + +PHILO. Did you see him? TRA. I my own self, I tell you. + +PHILO. For certain? TRA. For certain, I tell you. + +PHILO. I'm undone, if you are telling the truth. + +TRA. What good could it be to me if I told a lie? + +PHILO. What shall I do now? + +TRA. (_pointing to the table and couches_). Order all these things to be +removed from here. (_Pointing._) Who's that asleep there? + +PHILO. Callidamates. TRA. Arouse him, Delphium. + +DEL. (_bawling out in his ear_). Callidamates! Callidamates! awake! +CALL. (_raising himself a little_). I am awake; give me something to +drink. + +DEL. Awake; the father of Philolaches has arrived from abroad. CALL. I +_hope_ his father's well. + +PHILO. He is well indeed; but I am utterly undone. + +CALL. You, utterly undone? How can that be? + +PHILO. By heavens! do get up, I beg of you; my father has arrived. + +CALL. Your father has come? Bid him go back again. What business had he +to come back here so soon? + +PHILO. What am I to do? My father will, just now, be coming and +unfortunately finding me amid drunken carousals, _and_ the house full +of revellers and women. It's a shocking bad job, to be digging a well at +the last moment, just when thirst has gained possession of your throat; +just as I, on the arrival of my father, wretch that I am, am now +enquiring what I am to do. + +TRA. (_pointing at_ CALLIDAMATES). Why look, he has laid down his head +and gone to sleep. Do arouse him. + +PHILO. (_shaking him_). Will you awake now? My father, I tell you, will +be here this instant. + +CALL. How say you? Your father? Give me my shoes, that I may take up +arms. On my word, I'll kill your father this instant. + +PHILO. (_seizing hold of him_). You're spoiling the _whole_ business; +do hold your tongue. (_To_ DELPHIUM.) Prithee, do carry him off in your +arms into the house. + +CALL. (_To_ DELPHIUM, _who is lifting him up_). Upon my faith, I'll be +making an utensil of you just now, if you don't find me one. (_He is led +off into the house._) + +PHILO. I'm undone! + +TRA. Be of good courage; I'll cleverly find a remedy for this alarm. +PHILO. I'm utterly ruined! + +TRA. Do hold your tongue; I'll think of something by means of which to +alleviate this for you. Are you satisfied, if on his arrival I shall so +manage your father, not only that he shall not enter, but even that he +shall run away to a distance from the house? Do you only be off from +here in-doors, and remove these things from here with all haste. + +PHILO. Where am I to be? TRA. Where you especially desire: with +her (_pointing to_ PHILEMATIUM); with this girl, _too_, you'll be. +(_Pointing to_ DELPHIUM.) + +DEL. How then? Are we to go away from here? + +TRA. Not far from here, Delphium. For carouse away in the house not a +bit the less on account of this. + +PHILO. Ah me! I'm in a sweat with fear as to how these fine words are to +end! TRA. Can you not be tranquil in your mind, and do as I bid you? + +PHILO. I can be. TRA. In the first place of all, Philematium, do you go +in-doors; and you, Delphium. + +DEL. We'll both be obedient to you. (_They go into the house._) + +TRA. May Jupiter grant it so! Now then, do you give attention as to what +I'd have attended to. In the first place, then, before anything, cause +the house to be shut up at once. Take care and don't let any one whisper +a word in-doors. + +PHILO. Care shall be taken. TRA. Just as though no living being were +dwelling within the house. + +PHILO. Very well. TRA. And let no one answer, when the old gentleman +knocks at the door. + +PHILO. Anything else? + +TRA. Order the master-key [4] of the house to be brought me at once from +within; this house I'll lock here on the outside. + +PHILO. To your charge I commit myself, Tranio, and my hopes. (_He goes +into the house, and the things are removed from the stage._) + +TRA. (_to himself_). It matters not a feather whether a patron or a +dependant is the nearest at hand for that man who has got no courage in +his breast. For to every man, whether very good or very bad, even at a +moment's notice, it is easy to act with craft; but this must be looked +to, this is the duty of a prudent man, that what has been planned and +done in craftiness, may all come about smoothly and without mishap; so +that he may not have to put up with anything by reason of which he might +be loth to live; just as I shall manage, that, from the confusion which +we shall here create, all shall really go on smoothly and tranquilly, +and not produce us any inconvenience in the results. (_Enter a_ BOY, +_from the house._) But, why have you come out? I'm undone! (_The_ +BOY _shows him the key._) O very well, you've obeyed my orders most +opportunely. + +BOY. He bade me most earnestly to entreat you some way or other to scare +away his father, that he may not enter the house. + +TRA. Even more, tell him this, that I'll cause that he shan't venture +even to look at the house, _and_ to take to flight, covering up his head +[5] with the greatest alarm. Give me the key (_taking it_), and be off +in-doors, and shut to the door, and I'll lock it on this side. (_The_ +BOY _goes into the house, and_ TRANIO _locks the door._) Bid him now +come forthwith. For the old gentleman here while still alive this day +will I institute games [6] in his presence, such as I fancy there will +never be for him when he's dead. (_Moving away._) I'll go away from the +door to this spot; hence, I'll look out afar in which direction to +lay the burden on the old fellow on his arrival. (_Exit to a little +distance._) + +[Footnote 1: _Not even Salvation_)--Ver. 342. See the Captivi, 1. 535, +and the Note to the passage.] + +[Footnote 2: _Beneath besieging towers_)--Ver 348. "Falae" were wooden +towers, placed on the top of walls or fortified places; of course the +attack of these would imply extreme danger to those who attempted it.] + +[Footnote 3: _Twice his feet, twice his arms_)--Ver. 351. Some suppose +that by "bis pedes, bis brachia," he means that two nails were to be +driven into each leg and foot. It seems more probable that he means two +for the feet and two for the hands.] + +[Footnote 4: _Order the master-key_)--Ver. 395. "Clavem--Laconicam;" +literally, "the Laconian key." This was a kind of key originally +invented by the Spartans, by means of which a door could be locked from +the outside, but not from within. According to some, this key was called +"Laconica," from its rough appearance, in allusion to the inelegant +exterior of the Spartans. In his Thesmophoriazusae, Aristophanes informs +us that these keys had three wards.] + +[Footnote 5: _Covering up his head_)--Ver. 414. With the ancients, when +either ashamed or alarmed at anything, it was the custom to throw a part +of the dress over the head, as a hood.] + +[Footnote 6: _Will I institute games_)--Ver. 417. He plays on the double +meaning of "ludes," which means either "tricks," or "funeral games" in +honor of the dead, according to the context.] + + +ACT II.--SCENE I. + +_Enter_ THEUROPIDES, _followed by_ ATTENDANTS. + +THEU. (_to himself_). Neptune, I do return extreme thanks to thee that +thou hast just dismissed me from thee, _though_ scarce alive. But if, +from this time forward, thou shalt only know that I have stirred a foot +upon the main, there is no reason why, that instant, thou shouldst not +do with me that which thou hast now wished to do. Away with you, away +with you from me henceforth for ever after to-day; what I was to entrust +to thee, all of it have I _now_ entrusted. + +_Enter_ TRANIO, _overhearing him._ + +TRA. (_apart_). By my troth, Neptune, you've been much to blame, to have +lost this opportunity so fair. + +THEU. After three years, I've arrived home from Aegypt. I shall come a +welcome _guest_ to my household, I suppose. + +TRA. (_apart_). Upon my faith, he might have come a much more welcome +one, who had brought the tidings you were dead. + +THEU. (_looking at the door_). But what means this? Is the door shut in +the daytime? I'll knock. (_Knocks at the door._) Hallo, there! is any +one going to open this door for me? + +TRA. (_coming forward, and speaking aloud_). What person is it that has +come _so_ near to our house? + +THEU. Surely this is my servant Tranio. + +TRA. O Theuropides, my master, welcome; I'm glad that you've arrived in +safety. Have you been well all along? + +THEU. All along, as you see. + +TRA. That's very good. + +THEU. What about yourselves? Are you _all_ mad? + +TRA. Why so? + +THEU. For this reason; because you are walking about outside; not a +born person is keeping watch in the house, either to open or to give an +answer. With kicking with my feet I've almost broken in the panels? + +TRA. How now? Have you been touching this house? + +THEU. Why shouldn't I touch it? Why, with kicking it, I tell you, I've +almost broken down the door. + +TRA. What, you touched it? + +THEU. I touched it, I tell you, and knocked at it. + +TRA. Out upon you! THEU. Why so? + +TRA. By heavens! 'twas ill done. + +THEU. What is the matter? TRA. It cannot be expressed, how shocking and +dreadful a mischief you've been guilty of. + +THEU. How so? + +TRA. Take to flight, I beseech you, and get away from the house. Fly in +this direction, fly closer to me. (_He runs towards_ TRANIO.) What, did +you touch the door? + +THEU. How could I knock, if I didn't touch it? + +TRA. By all that's holy, you've been the death-- + +THEU. Of what person? TRA. Of all your family. + +THEU. May the Gods and Goddesses confound you with that omen. + +TRA. I'm afraid that you can't make satisfaction for yourself and them. + +THEU. For what reason, or what new affair is this that you _thus_ +suddenly bring me _news of_? + +TRA. And (_whispering_) hark you, prithee, do bid those people to move +away from here. (_Pointing to the_ ATTENDANTS _of_ THEUROPIDES.) + +THEU. (_to the_ ATTENDANTS). More away from here. + +TRA. Don't you touch the house. Touch you the ground [1] + +as well. (_Exeunt the_ ATTENDANTS. + +THEU. I' faith, prithee, do speak out now. + +TRA. Because it is now seven months that not a person has set foot +within this house, _and_ since we once for all left it. + +THEU. Tell me, why so? + +TRA. Just look around, whether there's any person to overhear our +discourse. + +THEU. (_looking around_). All's quite safe. + +TRA. Look around once more. + +THEU. (_looking around_). There's nobody; now then, speak out. TRA. (_in +a loud whisper_). The house has been guilty of a capital offence [2]. + +THEU. I don't understand _you_. TRA. A crime, tell you, has +been committed _there_, a long while ago, one of olden time and ancient +date. + +THEU. Of ancient date? + +TRA. 'Tis but recently, in fact, that we've discovered this deed. + +THEU. What is this crime, or who committed it? Tell me. + +TRA. A host slew his guest, seized with his hand: he, I fancy, who sold +you the house. + +THEU. Slew _him_? + +TRA. And robbed this guest of his gold, and buried this guest there in +the house, on the spot. + +THEU. For what reason do you suspect that this took place? + +TRA. I'll tell _you_; listen. _One day_, when your son had dined away +from home, after he returned home from dining; we all went to bed, _and_ +fell asleep. By accident, I had forgotten to put out my lamp; and he, +all of a sudden, called out aloud-- + +THEU. What person? My son? + +TRA. Hist! hold your peace: just listen. He said that a dead man came to +him in his sleep-- + +THEU. In his dreams, then, you mean? + +TRA. Just so. But only listen. He said that he had met with his death by +these means-- + +THEU. _What_, in his sleep? + +TRA. It would have been surprising if he had told him awake, who had +been murdered sixty years ago. On some occasions you are absurdly +simple. But look what he said: "I am the guest of Diapontius, from +beyond the seas; here do I dwell; this has been assigned me as my abode; +for Oreus would not receive me in Acheron, because prematurely I lost my +life. Through confiding was I deceived: my entertainer slew me here, and +that villain secretly laid me in the ground without funereal rites, in +this house, on the spot, for the sake of gold. Now do you depart from +here; this house is accursed, _this_ dwelling is defiled." The wonders +that here take place, hardly in a year could I recount them. Hush, hush! +(_He starts._) + +THEU. Troth now, what has happened, prithee? + +TRA. The door made a noise. Was it he that was knocking? + +THEU. (_turning pale_). I have not _one_ drop of blood! Dead men are +come to fetch me to Acheron, while alive! + +TRA. (_aside_). I'm undone! those people there will mar my plot. (_A +noise is heard from within._) How much I dread, lest he should catch me +in the fact. + +THEU. What are you talking about to yourself? (_Goes near the door._) + +TRA. Do get away from the door. By heavens, fly, I do beseech you. + +THEU. Fly where? Fly yourself, as well. + +TRA. I am not afraid: I am at peace with the dead. + +A VOICE (_from within_). Hallo! Tranio [3]. + +TRA. (_in a low voice, near the door_). You won't be calling me, if you +are wise. (_Aloud, as if speaking to the_ APPARITION.) 'Tis not I that's +guilty; I did not knock at the door. + +THEU. Pray, what is it that's wrong? What matter is agitating you, +Tranio? To whom are you saying these things? + +TRA. Prithee, was it you that called me? So may the Gods bless me, I +fancied it was this dead man expostulating because you had knocked at +the door. But are you still standing there, and not doing what I advise +you? + +THEU. What am I to do? TRA. Take care not to look back. Fly; cover up +your head! + +THEU. Why don't you fly? + +TRA. I am at peace with the dead. + +THEU. I recollect. Why then were you so dreadfully alarmed just now? + +TREA. Have no care for me, I tell you; I'll see to myself. You, as you +have begun _to do_, fly as quick as ever you can; Hercules, too [4], you +will invoke. + +THEU. Hercules, I do invoke thee! (_Runs off._) + +TRA. (_to himself._) And I, as well, old fellow, that this day he'll +send some heavy mishap upon you. O ye immortal Gods, I do implore your +aid. Plague on it! what a mess I have got into to-day. (_Exit._ + +[Footnote 1: _Touch you the ground_)--Ver. 457. The ancients were in the +habit of reverentially touching the earth, when engaged in any affairs +that related to the dead or the infernal Deities.] + +[Footnote 2: _Guilty of a capital offence_)--Ver. 464. "Capitalis aedes +facta est;" meaning that a murder had been committed in it.] + +[Footnote 3: _Hallo! Tranio_)--Ver. 502. Weise's Edition gives these +words to Theuropides. Rost, no doubt rightly, suggests that these words +are spoken by Philolaches from inside (perhaps in a low voice, to ask +Tranio how matters are going on). On this, Tranio turns it to good +account, by pretending that the Ghost is calling out to him for his +supposed impiety in daring to knock at the door.] + +[Footnote 4: _Hercules, too_)--Ver. 514. Hercules having slain so +many monsters, was naturally regarded as a Deity likely to give aid in +extreme danger.] + + +ACT III.--SCENE I. + +_Enter a_ BANKER, _at the end of the stage._ + +BAN. (_to himself_). I never knew any year worse for money upon +interest, than this year has turned out to me. From morning even until +night, I spend my time in the Forum; I cannot lend out a coin of silver +to any one. + +_Enter_ TRANIO. + +TRA. (_apart_). Now, faith, I am clearly undone in an everlasting +way! The Banker's here who found the money with which his mistress was +bought. The matter's all out, unless I meet him a bit beforehand, so +that the old man may not at present come to know of this. I'll go meet +him. But (_seeing_ THEUROPIDES) I wonder why he has so soon betaken +himself homeward _again_. I'm afraid that he has heard something +about this affair. I'll meet him, and accost him. But how dreadfully +frightened I am! Nothing is more wretched than the mind of a man with a +_guilty_ conscience, such as possesses myself. But however this matter +turns out, I'll proceed to perplex it still further: so does this affair +require. + +_Enter_ THEUROPIDES. + +TRA. (_accosting him_). Whence come you? + +THEU. I met that person from whom I bought this house. + +TRA. Did you tell him anything about that which I was telling you? + +THEU. I' faith, I certainly told him everything. + +TRA. (_aside_). Woe to unfortunate me! I'm afraid that my schemes are +everlastingly undone! + +THEU. What is it you are saying to yourself? + +TRA. Why nothing. But tell me, prithee, did you _really_ tell him? + +THEU. I told him everything in its order, I tell you. + +TRA. Does he, then, confess about the guest? + +THEU. Why no; he utterly denies it. + +TRA. Does he deny it? + +THEU. Do you ask me again? I should tell you if he had confessed it. +What now are you of opinion ought to be done? + +TRA. What is my opinion? By my troth, I beg of you, appoint an +arbitrator together with him; but take you care that you appoint one who +will believe me; you'll overcome him as easily as a fox eats a pear [1] + +BAN. (_to himself_). But see, here's Tranio, the servant of Philolaches, +_people_ who pay me neither interest nor principal on my money. (_Goes +towards_ TRANIO, _who steps forward to meet him._) + +THEU. (_to_ TRANIO). Whither are you betaking yourself? + +TRA. I'm going no whither. (_Aside._) For sure, I am a wretch, a rascal, +one born with all the Gods my foes! He'll now be accosting me in the old +man's presence. Assuredly, I am a wretched man; in such a fashion both +this way and that do they find business for me. But I'll make haste and +accost him. (_Moves towards the_ BANKER.) + +BAN. (_apart_). He's coming towards me. I'm all right; I've some hopes +of my money; he's smiling. + +TRA. (_to himself_). The fellow's deceived. (_To the_ BANKER.) I +heartily bid you hail, my _friend_ Saturides [2]. + +BAN. And hail to you. What about the money? + +TRA. Be off with you, will you, you brute. Directly you come, you +commence the attack [3] against me. + +BAN. (_apart_). This fellow's empty-handed. + +TRA. (_overhearing him_). This fellow's surely a conjurer. + +BAN. But why don't you put an end to this trifling? + +TRA. Tell me, then, what it is you want. + +BAN. Where is Philolaches? + +TRA. You never could have met me more opportunely than you have met me. +BAN. How's that? + +TRA. (_taking him aside_). Step this way. + +BAN. (_aloud_). Why isn't the money repaid me? + +TRA. I know that you have a good voice; don't bawl out so loud. BAN. +(_aloud_). I' faith, I certainly shall bawl out. + +TRA. O, do humour me _now_. + +BAN. What do you want me to humour you in? + +TRA. Prithee, be off hence home. + +BAN. Be off? TRA. Return here about mid-day. + +BAN. Will the interest be paid then? + +TRA. It will be paid. Be off. + +BAN. Why should I run to and fro here, or use or waste my pains? What if +I remain here until mid-day in preference? + +TRA. Why no; be off home. On my word, I'm telling the truth. Only do be +off. + +BAN. (_aloud_). Then do you pay me my interest. Why do you trifle _with +me_ this way? + +TRA. Bravo! faith. Really now, do be off; do attend to me. + +BAN. (_aloud_). I' faith, I'll call him now by name. + +TRA. Bravo! stoutly done! Really you are _quite_ rich now when you bawl +out. + +BAN. (_aloud_). I'm asking for my own. In this way you've been +disappointing me for these many days past. If I'm troublesome, give me +back the money; I'll go away _then_: That expression [4] puts an end to +all replies. + +TRA. (_pretending to offer it him_). _Then_, take the principal [5]. + +BAN. (_aloud_). Why no, the interest; I want that first. + +TRA. What? Have you, you fellow most foul of all fellows, come here to +burst yourself? Do what lies in your power. He's not going to pay you; +he doesn't owe it. + +BAN. Not owe it? + +TRA. Not a tittle, indeed, can you get from here. Would you prefer for +him to go abroad, _and_ leave the city in exile, driven hence for your +sake? Why then, in preference let him pay the [6] principal. + +BAN. But I don't ask for it. + +THEU. (_calling out to_ TRANIO,_from a distance_). Hark you! you +whip-knave, come back to me. + +TRA. (_to_ THEUROPIDES). I'll be there just now. (_To the_ BANKER.) +Don't you be troublesome: no one's going to pay you; do what you please. +You are the only person, I suppose, that lends money upon interest. +(_Moves towards_ THEUROPIDES.) + +BAN. (_bawling aloud_). Give me my interest! pay me my interest! you pay +my interest! Are you going to give me my interest this instant? Give me +my interest! + +TRA. Interest here, interest there! The old rogue knows how to talk +about nothing but interest. I do not think that ever I saw any beast +more vile than you. + +BAN. Upon my faith, you don't alarm me now with those expressions. This +is of a hot nature; although it is at a distance off, it scorches badly +[7]. + +TRA. Don't you be troublesome; no one's going to pay you; do what +you please. You are the only person, I suppose, that lends money upon +interest. + +THEU. (_to_ TRANIO). Pray, what interest is this that he is asking for? + +TRA. (_in a low voice, to the_ BANKER). Look now; his father has arrived +from abroad, not long since; he'll pay you both, interest and principal; +don't you then attempt any further to make us your enemies. See whether +he puts you off. + +BAN. Nay but, I'll take it, if anything's offered. + +THEU. (_to_ TRANIO, _coming towards him_). What do you say, _then_--? +TRA. What is it you mean? + +THEU. Who is this? What is he asking for? Why is he thus rudely speaking +of my son Philolaches in this way, and giving you abuse to your face? +What's owing him? + +TRA. (_to_ THEUROPIDES). I beg of you, do order the money to be thrown +in the face of this dirty brute. + +THEU. I, order it? + +TRA. Order the fellow's face to be pelted with money. + +BAN. (_coming nearer_). I could very well put up with a pelting with +money. + +THEU. (_to_ TRANIO). What money's this? + +TRA. Philolaches owes this person a little. + +THEU. How much? + +TRA. About forty minae. + +BAN. (_to_ THEUROPIDES). Really, don't think much of that; it's a +trifle, in fact. + +TRA. Don't you hear him? Troth now, prithee, doesn't he seem just suited +to be a Banker--a generation that's most roguish? + +THEU. I don't care, just now, for that, who he is _or_ whence he is; +this I want to be told me, this I very much wish to know--I heard from +him that there was interest owing on the money as well. + +TRA. Forty-four minae are due to him. Say that you'll pay it, that he +may be off. + +THEU. I, say that I'll pay it? + +TRA. Do say so. + +THEU. What, I? + +TRA. You yourself. Do only say so. Do be guided by me. Do promise. Come +now, I say; I beg of you. + +THEU. Answer me; what has been done with this money? + +TRA. It's safe. + +THEU. Pay it yourselves then, if it's safe. + +TRA. Your son has bought a house. + +THEU. A house? + +TRA. A house. + +THEU. Bravo! Philolaches is taking after his father! The fellow now +turns to merchandize. A house, say you? + +TRA. A house, I tell you. But do you know of what sort? + +THEU. How can I know? + +TRA. Out with you! + +THEU. What's the matter? + +TRA. Don't ask me _that_. + +THEU. But why so? + +TRA. Bright as a mirror, pure brilliancy _itself_. + +THEU. Excellently done, upon my faith! Well, how much did he agree to +give for it? + +TRA. As many great talents as you and I _put together_ make; but these +forty minae he paid by way of earnest. (_Pointing to the_ BANKER.) From +him he received what we paid the other man. Do you quite understand? [8] +For after this house was in such a state as I mentioned to you, he at +once purchased another house for himself. + +THEU. Excellently done, upon my faith! + +BAN. (_touching_ TRANIO). Hark _you_. Mid-day is now close at hand. + +TRA. Prithee, do dismiss this puking fellow, that he mayn't worry us to +death. Forty-four minae are due to him, both principal and interest. + +BAN. 'Tis just that much; I ask for nothing more. + +TRA. Upon my faith, I really could have wished that you had asked more, +_if only_ by a single coin. + +THEU. (_to the_ BANKER). Young man, transact the business with me. + +BAN. I'm to ask it of you, you mean? + +THEU. Come for it to-morrow. + +BAN. I'll be off, _then_; I'm quite satisfied if I get it tomorrow. + +(_Exit_ + +TRA. (_aside_). A plague may all the Gods and Goddesses send upon him! +so utterly has he disarranged my plans. On my word, no class of men is +there more disgusting, or less _acquainted_ with fair dealing than the +banking _race_. + +THEU. In what neighbourhood did my son buy this house? + +TRA. (_aside_). Just see that, now! I'm undone! + +THEU. Are you going to tell me that which I ask you? + +TRA. I'll tell you; but I'm thinking what was the name of the owner. +(_Pretends to think._) + +THEU. Well, call it to mind, then. + +TRA. (_aside_). What am I to do now, except _put_ the lie upon this +neighbour of ours next door? I'll say that his son has bought that +house. I' faith, I've heard say that a lie piping-hot is the best _lie_; +this is piping-hot; although it is at a distance off, it scorches badly. +Whatever the Gods dictate, that am I determined to say. + +THEU. Well now? Have you recollected it by this? + +TRA. (_aside_). May the Gods confound that fellow!--no, this _other_ +fellow, rather. (_To_ THEUROPIDES.) Your son has bought the house of +this next-door neighbour _of yours_. + +THEU. In real truth? + +TRA. If, indeed, you are going to pay down the money, then in real +_truth_; if you are not going to pay it, in real truth he has not bought +it. + +THEU. He hasn't bought it in a very good situation. + +TRA. Why yes, in a very good one. + +THEU. I' faith, I should like to look over this house; just knock at the +door, and call some one to you from within, Tranio. + +TRA. (_aside_). Why just look now, again I don't know what I'm to say. +Once more, now, are the surges bearing me upon the self-same rock. What +now? I' faith, I can't discover what I am now to do; I'm caught in the +fact. + +THEU. Just call some one out of doors; ask him to show us round. + +TRA. (_going to the door of_ SIMO's _house_). Hallo there, you! +(_Turning round_.) But there are ladies here; we must first see whether +they are willing or unwilling. + +THEU. You say what's good and proper; just make enquiry, and ask. I'll +wait here outside until you come out. + +TRA. (_aside_). May all the Gods and Goddesses utterly confound you, old +gentleman! in such a fashion are you thwarting my artful plans in every +way. Bravo! very good! Look, Simo himself, the owner of the house, is +coming out of doors. I'll step aside here, until I have convened the +senate of council in my mind. Then, when I've discovered what I am to +do, I'll join him. (THEUROPIDES _and_ TRANIO _stand at a distance +from_ SIMO's _house, in opposite directions_, THEUROPIDES _being out of +sight_.) + +[Footnote 1: _As a fox eats a pear_)--Ver. 543. This may either mean, +very easily indeed, or not at all. It is not clear that a fox will eat a +pear; but if does, his teeth will go through it with the greatest ease. +Not improbably, Tranio uses the expression for its ambiguity.] + +[Footnote 2: _Friend Saturides_)--Ver. 552. A nickname coined by the +author, from "satur," "brimful," of money, probably.] + +[Footnote 3: _Commence the attack_)--Ver. 564. "Pilum injecisti." +Literally, "you have thrown the dart." "To throw the dart" was a common +expression, signifying to make the first attack;" as the darts were +thrown before recourse was had to the sword.] + +[Footnote 4: _That expression_)--Ver. 574. By "hoc verbum" he probably +alludes to the expression, "reddite argentum," "down with the money."] + +[Footnote 5: _Take the principal_)--Ver. 575. He finds he must say +something, so he says this, although he has no money with him. He knows, +however, that the usurer will first insist on the interest being paid, +because if he takes the principal, it will be a legal waver of his right +to claim the interest.] + +[Footnote 6: _Let him pay the_)--Ver. 581. "Quin sortem potius dare +licet?" is the reading here, in Weise's Edition; but the line seems +hopelessly incorrect.] + +[Footnote 7: _It scorches badly_)--Ver. 592. This line is given by +Gruter to Theuropides, by Acidalius to Tranio, and by Lambinus to +the Banker. The latter seems the most appropriate owner of it; and he +probably alludes, aside, to the effects of his pressing in a loud voice +for the money. Tranio is introduced as using the same expression, in +l.650; but there can be no doubt that the line, as there inserted, is +spurious.] + +[Footnote 8: _Do you quite understand_)--Ver. 629. Warner suggests, that +by using this expression before the Banker, he intends to make a secret +of the house being haunted, and that he keeps up the mystery in the +succeeding line.] + + +SCENE II.--_Enter_ SIMO, _from his house_. + +SIM. (_to himself_). I've not enjoyed myself better at home this year +_than I have to-day_, nor has at any time any meal pleased me better. +My wife provided a very nice breakfast for me; now she bids me go take +a nap. By no means! It instantly struck me that _it didn't so happen_ +by chance. She provided a better breakfast than is her wont; _and then_, +the old lady wanted to draw me away to my chamber. Sleep is not good [1] +after breakfast--out upon it! I secretly stole away from the house, out +of doors. My wife, I'm sure, is now quite bursting _with rage_ at home. + +TRA. (_apart_). A sore mischance is provided for this old fellow by the +evening; for he must both dine and go to bed in-doors in sorry fashion. + +SIM. (_continuing_). The more I reflect upon it in my mind: if any +person has a dowried _wife_, sleep has no charms for him. I detest going +to take a nap. It's a settled matter with me to be off to the Forum from +here, rather than nap it at home. And, i' faith (_to the_ AUDIENCE), I +don't know how your _wives_ are in their behaviour; this _wife of mine_, +I know right well how badly she treats me, _and_ that she will prove +more annoying to me hereafter than she has been. + +TRA. (_apart_). If your escape, old gentleman, turns out amiss, there'll +be no reason for you to be accusing any one of the Gods; by very good +right, you may justly lay the blame upon yourself. It's time now for me +to accost this old fellow. 'Tis down upon him. [2] I've hit upon a plan +whereby to cajole the old fellow, by means of which to drive grief [3] +away from me. I'll accost him. (_Accosting him_.) May the Gods, Simo, +send on you many blessings! (_Takes him by the hand_.) + +SIM. Save you, Tranio! TRA. How fare you? + +SIM. Not amiss. What are you about? + +TRA. Holding _by the hand_ a very worthy man. + +SIM. You act in a friendly way, in speaking well of me. + +TRA. It certainly is your due. + +SIM. But, i' faith, in you I don't hold a good servant _by the hand_. + +THEU. (_calling from a distance, where he is not perceived by_ SIMO). +Hark you! you whip-knave, come back to me. + +TRA. (_turning round_). I'll be there just now. + +SIM. Well now, how soon--? + +TRA. What is it? SIM. The usual goings-on. + +TRA. Tell me then, these usual goings-on, what are they? + +SIM. The way that you _yourselves_ proceed. But, Tranio, to say +the truth, according as men are, it so befits you to humour them; +reflecting, at the same time, how short life is. + +TRA. What _of all this_? Dear me, at last, after some difficulty, + +I perceive that you are talking about these goings-on of ours. + +SIM. I' faith, you _people_ are living a merry life, just as befits you: +on wine, good cheer, nice dainty fish, you enjoy life. + +TRA. Why yes, so it was in time past, indeed; _but_ now these things +have come to an end all at once. SIM. How so? + +TRA. So utterly, Simo, are we all undone! + +SIM. Won't you hold your tongue? Everything has gone on prosperously +with you hitherto. + +TEA. I don't deny that it has been as you say; undoubtedly, we have +lived heartily, just as we pleased; but, Simo, in such a way has the +breeze now forsaken our ship-- + +SIM. What's the matter? In what way? + +TRA. In a most shocking _way_. + +SIM. What, wasn't it hauled ashore [4] in safety? + +TRA. Ah me! SIM. What's the matter? + +TRA. Ah wretched me! I'm utterly undone! + +SIM. How so? TRA. Because a ship has come, to smash the hull of our +ship. + +SIM. I would wish as you would wish, Tranio, _for your own sake_. But +what is the matter? Do inform me. + +TRA. I will inform you. My master has arrived from abroad. + +SIM. In that case, the cord will be stretched for you; thence to the +place where iron fetters clink; after that, straight to the cross. + +TRA. Now, by your knees, I do implore you, don't give information to my +master. + +SIM. Don't you fear; he shall know nothing from me. + +TRA. Blessings on you, my patron. + +SIM. I don't care for clients of this description for myself. + +TRA. Now as to this about which our old gentleman has sent me. + +SIM. First answer me this that I ask you. As yet, has your old gentleman +discovered anything of these matters? + +TRA. Nothing whatever. + +SIM. Has he censured his son at all? + +TRA. He is as calm as the calm weather is wont to be. Now he has +requested me most earnestly to beg this of you, that leave may be given +him to see over this house of yours. + +SIM. It's not for sale. TRA. I know that indeed; but the old gentleman +wishes to build a woman's apartment [5] here in his own house, baths, +too, and a piazza, and a porch. + +SIM. What has he been dreaming of? + +TRA. I'll tell you. He wishes to give his son a wife as soon as he can; +for that purpose he wants a new apartment for the women. But he says +that some builder, I don't know who, has been praising up to him this +_house of yours_, as being remarkably well built; now he's desirous to +take a model from it, if you don't make any objection-- + +SIM. Indeed, he is really choosing a plan for himself from a piece of +poor workmanship. + +TRA. _It was_ because he heard that here the summer heat was much +modified; that this house was wont to be inhabited each day all day +long. + +SIM. Why really, upon my faith, on the contrary, while there's shade +in every direction, in spite of it, the sun is always here from morning +till night: he stands, like a dun, continually at the door; and I have +no shade anywhere, unless, perhaps, there may be some in the well. + +TRA. Well now, have you one from Sarsina, if you have no woman of Umbria +[6]? + +SIM. Don't be impertinent. It is just as I tell you. + +TRA. Still, he wishes to look over it. + +SIM. He may look over it, if he likes. If there is anything that takes +his fancy, let him build after my plan. + +TRA. Am I to go and call _this_ person hither? + +SIM. Go _and_ call him. + +TRA. (_to himself, as he goes to the other side of the stage to call_ +THEUROPIDES). They say that Alexander the Great and Agathocles [7] +achieved two very great exploits; what shall be the lot of myself, a +third, who, unaided, am achieving deeds imperishable? This old fellow is +carrying his pack-saddle, the other one, as well. I've hit upon a novel +trade for myself, not a bad one; whereas muleteers have mules to carry +pack-saddles; I've got men to carry the pack-saddles. They are able +to carry heavy burdens; whatever you put upon them, they carry. Now, +I don't know whether I am to address him. I'll accost him, _however_. +(_Calling aloud._) Hark you, Theuropides! + +THEU. (_coming forward_). Well; who's calling me? + +TRA. A servant most attached to his master. Where you sent me, I got it +all agreed to. + +THEU. Prithee, why did you stay there so long? + +TRA. The old gentleman hadn't leisure; I was waiting until then. + +THEU. You keep up that old way of yours, of being tardy. + +TRA. Hark you! if you please reflect upon this proverb: to blow and +swallow [8] at the same moment isn't easy to be done; I couldn't be here +and there at the same time. + +THEU. What now? + +TRA. Come and look, and inspect it at your own pleasure. + +THEU. Very well, you go before me. + +TRA. Am I delaying _to do so?_ THEU. I'll follow after you. + +TEA. (_as they advance_). Look, the old gentleman himself is awaiting +you before the door, but he is concerned that he has sold this _house_. + +THEU. Why so? + +TRA. He begs me to persuade Philolaches to let him off. + +THEU. I don't think _he will_. Each man reaps on his own farm [9]. If it +had been bought dear, we shouldn't have had permission to return it on +his hands. Whatever profit there is, it's proper to bring it home. It +don't, now-a-days, befit men to be showing compassion. + +TRA. I' faith, you are losing time while you are talking. Follow _me_. + +THEU. Be it so. TRA. (_to_ THEUROPIDES). I'll give you my services. +(_Pointing._) There's the old gentleman. (_To_ SIMO.) Well now, I've +brought you _this_ person. + +SIM. I'm glad that you've arrived safely from abroad, Theuropides. THEU. +May the Gods bless you. + +SIM. Your servant was telling me that you were desirous to look over +this house. + +THEU. Unless it's inconvenient to you. + +SIM. Oh no; _quite_ convenient. Do step in-doors and look over it. THEU. +(_pausing_). But yet--the ladies-- + +SIM. Take you care not to trouble yourself a straw about any lady. +Walk in every direction, wherever you like, all over the house, just as +though it were your own. + +THEU. (_apart to_ TRANIO). "Just as though--?" + +TRA. (_whispering_). Oh, take care that you don't throw it in his teeth +now in his concern, that you have bought it. Don't you see him, how sad +a countenance the old gentleman has? + +THEU. (_apart_). I see. TRA. (_apart_). Then don't seem to exult, and to +be overmuch delighted; _in fact_, don't make mention that you've bought +it. + +THEU. (_apart_). I understand; and I think you've given good advice, and +that it shows a humane disposition. (_Turning to_ SIMO.) What now? + +SIM. Won't you go in? Look over it at your leisure, just as you like. + +THEU. I consider that you are acting civilly and kindly. + +SIM. Troth, I wish to do so. Should you like some one to show you over. + +THEU. Away with any one to show [10] me over. I don't want him. SIM. +Why? What's the matter? + +THEU. I'll go wrong, rather than any one should show me over. + +TRA. (_pointing_). Don't you see, this vestibule before the house, and +the piazza, of what a compass it is? + +THEU. Troth, really handsome! + +TRA. Well, look _now_, what pillars there are, with what strength they +are built, and of what a thickness. + +THEU. I don't think that I _ever_ saw handsomer pillars. + +SIM. I' faith, they were some time since bought by me at such a price! + +TRA. (_aside, whispering_). Don't you hear--"They were _once"?_ He seems +hardly able to refrain from tears. + +THEU. At what price did you purchase them? + +SIM. I gave three minae for the two, besides the carriage. (_He retires +to some distance._) + +THEU. (_after looking close at them, to_ TRANIO). Why, upon my word, +they are much more unsound than I thought them at first. + +TRA. Why so? THEU. Because, i' faith, the woodworm has split them both +from the bottom. + +TRA. I think they were cut at an improper season; that fault damages +them; but even as it is, they are quite good enough, if they are covered +with pitch. But it was no foreign pulse-eating artisan [11] did this +work. Don't you see the joints in the door? (_Pointing._) + +THEU. I see them. TRA. Look, how close together they are sleeping. + +THEU. Sleeping? TRA. That is, how they wink, I intended to say. Are you +satisfied? + +THEU. The more I look at each particular, the more it pleases me. + +TRA. (_pointing_). Don't you see the painting, where one crow [12] is +baffling two vultures? The crow stands there; it's pecking at them both +in turn. This way, look, prithee, towards me [13], that you may be able +to see the crow. (THEUROPIDES _turns towards him._) Now do you see it? + +THEU. (_looking about_). For my part, I really see no crow there. + +TRA. But do you look in that direction, towards yourselves, since you +cannot discover the crow, if perchance you may be able to espy the +vultures. (THEUROPIDES _turns towards_ SIMO.) Now do you see _them_? + +THEU. Upon my faith, I don't see them. + +TRA. But I _can see_ two vultures. + +THEU. To make an end of it with you, I don't see any bird at all painted +here. + +TRA. Well then, I give it up. I excuse you; it is through age you cannot +see. + +THEU. These things which I can _see_, really they do all please me +mightily. + +SIM. (_coming forward_). Now, at length, it's worth your while to move +further on. THEU. Troth, you give good advice. + +SIM. (_calling at the door_). Ho there, boy! take _this person_ round +this house and the apartments. But I myself would have shown you round, +if I hadn't had business at the Forum. + +THEU. Away with any one to show me over. I don't want to be shown over. +Whatever it is, I'd rather go wrong than any one should show me over. + +SIM. The house I'm speaking of. + +THEU. Then I'll go in without any one to show me over. + +SIM. Go, by all means. + +THEU. I'll go in-doors, then. + +TRA. (_holding him back_). Stop, please; let me see whether the +dog--THEU. Very well then, look. (TRANIO _looks into the passage._) + +TRA. There is one. THEU. (_looking in_). Where is it? + +TRA. (_to the dog_). Be off and be hanged! 'St, won't you be off to +utter perdition with you? What, do you still linger? 'St, away with you +from here! + +SIM. (_coming nearer to the door_). There's no danger. You only move on. +It's as gentle [14] as a woman in childbed. You may boldly step in-doors +wherever you like. I'm going hence to the Forum. + +THEU. You've acted obligingly. Good speed to you! (_Exit_ SIMO.) Tranio, +come, make that dog move away from the door inside, although it isn't to +be feared. + +TRA. Nay but (_pointing_), you look at it, how gently it lies. Unless +you'd like yourself to appear troublesome and cowardly-- + +THEU. Very well, just as you like. + +TRA. Follow me this way then. + +THEU. For my part, I shall not move in any direction from your feet. +(_They go into the house_.) + +[Footnote 1: _Sleep is not good_)--Ver. 681. It was a custom with the +Romans to take a nap at noon, after the "prandium." The modern Italians +have the same practice, and call it the "siesta." Simo has his private +reasons for thinking that this nap is not wholesome in his own case.] + +[Footnote 2: _Down upon him)_--Ver. 698. "Hoc habet." Literally, "he has +it;" a term used by the Spectators, when a gladiator received a wound at +the gladiatoral games.] + +[Footnote 3: _By means of which to drive grief)_--Ver. 699. He plays +upon the resemblance of the words "dolo" and "dolorem."] + +[Footnote 4: _Wasn't it hauled ashore_)--Vet. 723. It was the custom, +when ships were not in use, especially in the winter time, to draw them +up on chore, by means of rollers placed beneath them.] + +[Footnote 5: _A woman's apartment_)--Ver. 741. "Gynaeceum." This was +a name borrowed from the Greeks, for the apartments in the house which +were especially devoted to the use of the females.] + +[Footnote 6: _No woman of Umbria_)--Ver. 756. This is a poor pun upon +the different acceptations of the word "umbra," which may signify, +according to the context, "shade," or "a woman of Umbria." Simo means it +in the former, while Tranio chooses to take it in the latter sense. Simo +does not like this attempt at wit, and tells him not to be impertinent. +We may here observe, that Plautus was born at Sarsina, a town of +Umbria.] + +[Footnote 7: _Agathocles_)--Ver. 761. Agathocles rose from the station +of a potter to be king of Sicily.] + +[Footnote 8: _To blow and swallow_)--Ver. 777. Or "exhale and inhale." +A proverbial expression, very similar to that in use with us, that "a +person cannot blow hot and cold at the same time."] + +[Footnote 9: _Reaps on his own farm_)--Ver. 785. A country proverb, +meaning "every one for himself."] + +[Footnote 10: _Away with any one to show_)--Ver. 804. He says this, not +liking the mention of the word "perductor," which, beside meaning an +"attendant" or "one to escort," signifies a "pander" or "procurer." +So in the next line, "perducto" means "to show over" or "to act the +procurer."] + +[Footnote 11: _ Foreign pulse-eating artisan_)--Ver. 817. From the use +of the word "pultiphagus," he probably alludes to Carthaginian workmen, +who were very skilful at working in wood. In the Poenulus, Hanno the +Carthaginian is called "patruus pultiphagonides," "the pulse-eating +kinsman." If this is the meaning, it is pretty clear that he is not +speaking in praise of the workmanship. Some, however, think that as, +in early times, the lower classes at Rome lived upon "puls," "pap" or +"pottage," the Scene being at Athens, Roman workmen are alluded to; +if so, he may mean to speak in praise of the work, and to say that no +bungling artists made the doors. See the Note in p. 355. The joints are +said to wink, from the close conjunction of the eyelids in the act of +winking.] + +[Footnote 12: _Where one crow_)--Ver. 821. By the "crow," he means +himself; and by the "vultures," the two old men. Simo is probably +standing at some distance off; and knowing that his master's sight is +not good, he feels that he may deride him with impunity.] + +[Footnote 13: _Towards me_)--Ver. 822. "Ad me." Theuropides thinks he +means, "in my direction;" whereas Tranio really means, "look 'at me,' +and you will see the crow;" though he does not intend that his master +shall take it in that sense.] + +[Footnote 14: _It's as gentle_)--Ver. 840. This, probably, is intended +to refer to the statue of a dog lying down in the vestibule, and not +a real one. Pictures of dogs, with "cave canem" written beneath, were +sometimes painted on the wall near the door.] + + +ACT IV.--SCENE I. + +_Enter_ PHANISCUS. + +PHA. (_to himself_). Servants who, though they are free from fault, +still stand in awe of punishment, those same are wont to be serviceable +to their masters. But those who fear nothing, after they have merited +punishment, hit upon foolish plans for themselves: they exercise +themselves in running; they take to flight. But, if they are caught, +they acquire from punishment a hoard, which by good means they cannot. +They increase from a very little, _and_ from that they lay by a +treasure. The resolution that's in my mind is to be determined to be on +my guard against punishment, before my back comes to lose its state of +soundness. As hitherto it has been, so does it become my hide _still_ to +be, without a bruise, and such that I should decline its being beaten. +If I have any control over it, I shall keep it well covered up [1]. When +punishment is being showered down on others, don't let it be showered +down on me. But as servants wish their master to be, such is he wont to +be. He is good to the good, bad to the bad. But now at our house at home +there do live so many rogues, lavish of their property [2], bearers of +stripes. When they are called to go fetch their master, "I shan't go; +don't be plaguing _me_; I know where you are hurrying off to," _is the +reply_. "Now, faith, you mule, you're longing to go to pasturage out of +doors [3]." With better deserts, this advantage have I reaped from them, +_and_, in consequence, I have come from home. I alone, out of _so_ many +servants, am going to fetch my master. When, to-morrow, my master comes +to know this, in the morning he will chastise them with bull's-hide +spoils. In fine, I care less for their backs than for my own. Much +rather shall they be bull's-hide-scourged than I be rope-scourged [4]. +(_Moves on._) + +_Enter another_ SERVANT. + +SER. Hold you and stop this instant. Phaniscus! look round, I say! + +PHA. (_not turning round_). Don't be annoying to me. + +SER. Do see how scornful the monkey is! + +PHA. I am so for myself; I choose to be. Why do you trouble yourself +about it? (_Walking on._) + +SER. Are you going to stop this instant, you dirty parasite? PHA. +(_turning round_). How am I a parasite? + +SER. Why, I'll tell you: you can be drawn anywhere by victuals. Do you +give yourself airs, because your master's so fond _of you_? + +PHA. (_rubbing his eyes_). O dear, my eyes do ache [5]. + +SER. Why so? + +PHA. Because the smoke's _so_ troublesome. + +SER. Hold your tongue, will you, _you clever_ workman, who are in the +habit of coining money out of lead [6]. + +PHA. You cannot compel me to be abusive to you. My master knows me. + +SER. Why, really, his own pillow [7] he ought to know, _for resting on +when drunk_. + +PHA. If you were sober, you wouldn't be abusive. + +SER. Am I to give heed to you, when you won't to me? + +PHA. But, you rascal, you come along with me to fetch him. + +SER. Troth now, Phaniscus, prithee, do leave off talking about these +matters. + +PHA. I'll do so, and knock at the door. (_Knocks at the door of the +house of_ THEUROPIDES.) Hallo there! is there any person here to protect +this door from a most serious injury? (_Knocking again._) Is any one, +is any one, I say, coming out here and going to open it? Why, really, +no one comes out here. Just as befits _such_ worthless fellows, so they +are. But on that account, I've the more need to be cautious that no one +may come out and use me ill. (_They stand aside._) + +[Footnote 1: _Well covered up_)--Ver. 865. He alludes to the practice of +stripping disobedient slaves, for the purpose of flogging them.] + +[Footnote 2: _Lavish of their property_)--Ver. 870. That is, of their +backs.] + +[Footnote 3: _To pasturage out of doors_)--Ver. 876. This was probably a +proverbial phrase for going to the "thermopolium," the "hot liquor-shop" +or "tippling-house," so much frequented by the slaves. See the +Trinummus, 1. 1013, and the Note to the passage.] + +[Footnote 4: _bull's-hide-scourged--rope-scourged_)--Ver. 882. +"Bucaedae--restio." The latter word properly signifies "a ropemaker." +The former is probably coined by Plautus.] + +[Footnote 5: _My eyes do ache_)--Ver. 890. Phaniscus probably means to +say, that the sight of him is as annoying to his eyes as smoke can be.] + +[Footnote 6: _Money out of lead_)--Ver. 892. According to Erasmus, +(Adagia Chil. v. Cent. 1,) this was a proverbial expression among the +Romans, signifying the ability to put on a specious appearance.] + +[Footnote 7: _His own pillow_)--Ver. 894. There is an indelicate +allusion in this line; and another turn has been given to it in the +Translation.] + + +SCENE II.--_Enter_ TRANIO _and_ THEUROPIDES, _from the house of_ SIMO. + +TRA. What's your opinion of this bargain? + +THEU. I am quite delighted. + +TRA. Does it seem to you to have been bought too dear? + +THEU. I' faith, I'm sure that I never anywhere saw a house thrown away, +this one only excepted. + +TRA. Does it please you, _then_? + +THEU. Does it please me, do you ask me? Why yes, upon my faith, it +really does please me very much. + +TRA. What a fine set of rooms for the women! What a porch! + +THEU. Exceedingly fine. For my part, I don't think that there is any +_porch_ larger than this in the public buildings. + +TRA. Why, I myself and Philolaches have taken the measure of all the +porches in the public buildings. + +THEU. _Well_, what then? + +TRA. _This_ is far larger than all of them. + +THEU. Immortal Gods--a splendid bargain! On my word, if he were now to +offer six great talents of silver, ready money, for it, I would never +take it. + +TRA. Upon my faith, if you were inclined to take it, I would never let +you. + +THEU. My money has been well invested upon this purchase. + +TRA. Boldly confess that by my advice and prompting it was done, who +urged him to take up the money of the Banker upon interest, which we +paid this person by way of deposit. + +THEU. You've saved the whole ship. Eighty minae [1], you say, are owing +for it? + +TRA. Not a coin more. THEU. He may have it to-day. + +TRA. By all means so, that there may be no dispute arising; or else pay +them over to me, I'll then pay them over to him. + +THEU. But still, don't let there be any taking me in, if I do give them +to you. + +TRA. Could I venture to deceive you in deed or word even in jest only? + +THEU. Could I venture not to be on my guard against you, so as not to +trust anything to you? + +TRA. Why, have I ever imposed upon you in anything, since I was your +_servant_? + +THEU. But I've taken good care _of that_; I owe thanks to myself and my +own judgment for that. If I'm only on my guard against you solely, I'm +quite wise enough. + +TRA. (_aside_). I agree with you. + +THEU. Now be off into the country; tell my son that I've arrived. + +TRA. I'll do as you wish. + +THEIU. Run with all speed; bid him come to the city at once together +with you. + +TRA. Very well. (_Aside._) Now I'll betake myself this way by the +back-door to my boon-companions; I'll tell them that things are quiet +here, and how I have kept him away from here. (_Exit._ + +[Footnote 1: _Eighty minae_)--Ver. 919. Forty having been already paid +(according to his story) as a deposit, and there being 120 minae in two +talents.] + + +SCENE III.--THEUROPIDES, PHANISCUS, _and another_ SERVANT. + +PHA. (_coming forward_). Really, I don't hear either the sound of +revellers here, as once it was, nor yet the music-girl singing, nor any +one else. (_Goes towards the door._) + +THEU. What's the matter here? What are these people seeking at my house? +What do they want? What are they peeping in for? + +PHA. I shall proceed to knock at the door. (_Knocks._) + +Hallo there, unlock _the door_! Hallo, Tranio! are you going to open it, +I say? + +THEU. (_advancing_). What story's this, _I wonder_? + +PHA. (_aloud_). Are you going to open it, I say? I've come to fetch my +master Callidamates. + +THEU. Harkye, you lads! what are you doing there? Why are you breaking +down that door? + +PHA. Our master's at a drinking-party here. + +THEU. Your master at a drinking-party here? + +PHA. I say so. + +THEU. You're carrying the joke too far _my_ lad. + +PHA. We've come to fetch him. + +THEU. What person? PHA. Our master. Prithee, how often must I tell you? + +THEU. There's no one living here _my_ lad; for I do think that you are a +decent lad. + +PHA. Doesn't a young gentleman _called_ Philolaches live in this house? + +SER. (_aside_). This old fellow's crack-brained, surely. + +PHA. You are entirely mistaken, respected sir [1]; for unless he moved +from here to-day or yesterday, I know for certain that he's living here. + +THEU. Why, no one has been living here for these six months past. + +SER. You are dreaming. THEU. What, I? + +SER. You. THEU. Don't you be impertinent. Let me speak to the lad. +(_Pointing to_ PHANISCUS.) + +PHA. No one lives _there_? O dear-- + +THEU. It's the fact. + +PHA. Really! why, yesterday and the day before, four, five, six days +ago, all along, _in fact_, since his father went abroad from here, +eating and drinking have never ceased for a single three days here. + +THEU. What is it you say? + +PHA. That eating and drinking have never stopped for a single three days +here, bringing in wenches, living like Greeks, hiring harpists _and_ +music-girls. + +THEU. Who was it did this? + +PHA. Philolaches. THEU. What Philolaches? + +PHA. He whose father I take to be Theuropides. + +THEU. (_apart_). O dear, O dear! I'm utterly undone, if he says the +truth in this. I'll continue to question him still. Do you say that +this Philolaches, whoever he is, has been in the habit of drinking here +together with your master? + +PHA. Here, I tell you. + +THEU. _My_ lad, contrary to your appearance, you are a fool. See now, +please, that you've not perchance been dropping in somewhere for an +afternoon's whet [2], and have been drinking there a little more than +was enough. + +PHA. What do you mean? THEU. Just what I say; don't be going by mistake +to other persons' houses. + +PHA. I know where I ought to go, and the place to which I was to come. +Philolaches lives here, whose father is Theuropides; and who, after his +father went away to trade, made free a music-girl here. + +THEU. Philolaches, say you? PHA. Just so; Philematium, I mean. + +THEU. For how much? SER. For thirty talents. + +PHA. _No_, by Apollo [3]; you mean minae. + +THEU. Do you say that a mistress was purchased for Philolaches for +thirty minae? + +PHA. I do say so. THEU. And that he gave her her freedom? + +PHA. I do say so. THEU. And that after his father had departed hence +abroad, he has been carousing here continually with your master? + +PHA. I do say _so_. THEU. Well, has he made purchase of the house next +door here? + +PHA. I don't say _so_. THEU. Has he given forty minae, too, to this +person, to be as a deposit? + +PHA. Nor yet do I say _so_. + +THEU. Ah me! you've proved my ruin! + +PHA. Aye, and he has proved the ruin of his father. + +THEU. You prophesy the truth! I could wish it false! + +PHA. A friend of his father, I suppose? + +THEU. Ah me! Upon my faith, you do pronounce him _to be_ a wretched +father. + +PHA. Why really, this is nothing at all--thirty minae, in comparison +with the other expenses he has incurred in good living. He has ruined +his father. There's one servant there, a very great scoundrel, Tranio +_by name_; he could even waste the revenue of a Hercules [4]. On my +word, I'm sadly distrest for his father; for when he comes to know that +things have gone on thus, a hot coal will be scorching his breast, poor +man. + +THEU. If, indeed, this is the truth. + +PHA. What am I to gain, that I should tell a lie? (_Knocks again at the +door._) Hallo, you! is any one coming to open this _door_? + +SER. Why do you knock in this way, when there's no one in the house? + +PHA. I fancy that he's gone elsewhere to carouse. Now then, let's +begone. (_They move as if going._) + +THEU. What, _my_ lad, are you off then? Liberty's the overcoat for your +back [5]. + +PHA. Nothing have I with which to cover my back, except to pay respect +and service to my master. + +(_Exeunt_ PHANISCUS and SERVANT. + +THEU. (_to himself_). By my troth, I am undone! What need is there of +talking? According to the words I have heard, I surely haven't lately +voyaged hence to Aegypt, but even to some desolate land and the most +remote shores have I been borne about, so much am I at a loss to know +where I now am. But I shall soon know; for see, here's the person of +whom my son bought the house. + +[Footnote 1: _Respected sir_)--Ver. 944. "Pater," Literally, "father."] + +[Footnote 2: _An afternoon's whet_)--Ver. 958. "Merendam." According to +some, this meal was the same as the "prandium," or "breakfast;" while +others take it to have been a slight meal or luncheon, taken at about +four or five in the afternoon.] + +[Footnote 3: _No, by Apollo_)--Ver. 965. [Greek: Ma ton Apollo]. He uses +a Greek adjuration.] + +[Footnote 4: _The revenue of a Hercules_)--Ver. 976. It was the custom +with many to devote to Hercules the tenth part of their possessions. +Consequently, the revenues belonging to the Temples of this Deity would +be especially large.] + +[Footnote 5: _The overcoat for your back_)--Ver. 982. Schmieder thinks +this is said insultingly to Phaniscus. It would, however, appear +otherwise: Phaniscus having no "paenula," or "overcoat," on, +Theuropides, who thinks him a very worthy fellow, says, "My good fellow, +your freedom would make you a very fine overcoat." ] + + +SCENE IV.--_Enter_ SIMO. + +THEU. What are you about? + +SIM. I'm coming home from the Forum. + +THEU. Has anything new been going on at the Forum to-day? + +SIM. Why yes. THEU. What is it, pray? + +SIM. I saw a dead man being carried to burial. + +THEU. Dear me! that is something new! + +SIM. I saw one who was dead being carried out to burial [1]. They said +that he had been alive but just before. + +THEU. Woe to that head of yours _for your nonsense_! + +SIM. Why are you, _thus_ idling about, enquiring after the news? THEU. +Because I've just arrived from abroad. + +SIM. I'm engaged out to dine: don't suppose I shall invite you [2]. +THEU. I' faith, I don't want. + +SIM. But, to-morrow, unless any person invites me first, I'll even dine +with you. + +THEU. I' faith, and that, too, I don't want. Unless you are engaged +_with something_ of greater importance, lend me your attention. + +SIM. By all means. THEU. You have received, as far as I understand, +forty minae of Philolaches. + +SIM. Never a coin, so far as I know. + +THEU. What? _Not_ from my servant Tranio? + +SIM. Much less _is_ that _the case_. + +THEU. Which he gave you by way of deposit? + +SIM. What are you dreaming about? + +THEU. What, I? Why, really, 'tis yourself, who hope that, by dissembling +in this manner, you'll be able to make void this bargain. + +SIM. Why, what _do you mean_? THEU. The business that, in my absence, my +son transacted with you here. + +SIM. How did your son, in your absence, transact any business with me? +What pray, or on what day? + +THEU. I owe you eighty minae of silver. + +SIM. Not to me, indeed, upon my faith; but _still_, if you do owe them, +give them me. Faith must be kept. Don't be attempting to deny it. + +THEU. Assuredly, I shall not deny that I owe them; and I shall pay them. +Do you take care how you deny that you received the forty from him. + +SIM. Troth now, prithee, look this way at me, and answer me. He said +that you were wishful to give a wife to your son; for that reason, he +said that you intended building on your own _premises_. + +THEU. I, intended building here? SIM. So he told me. + +THEU. Ah me! I'm ruined outright! I've hardly any voice left [3]. +Neighbours, I'm undone, ruined quite! + +SIM. Has Tranio been causing any confusion? + +THEU. Yes; he has thrown everything into confusion. He has made a fool +of me to-day in a disgraceful manner. + +SIM. What is it you say? + +THEU. This matter is just as I am telling you; he has this day made a +fool of me in an outrageous manner. Now I beseech you that you'll kindly +aid me, and lend me your assistance. + +SIM. What would you have? + +THEU. I beg of you, come this way together with me. + +SIM. Be it so. THEU. Lend me the assistance of your slaves and some +scourges. + +SIM. Take them _by all means_. + +THEU. At the same time I'll tell you about this, in what a fashion he +has this day imposed upon me. (_They go into the house of_ SIMO.) + +[Footnote 1: _Being carried out to burial_)--Ver. 991. It is supposed +that in this reply he plays upon the question of Theuropides, who uses +the word "processit" in his question, which may either mean, "what has +been going on?" or "what procession has there been?"] + +[Footnote 2: _I shall invite you_)--996. He alludes to the universal +custom of giving friends a "coena viatica," or welcome entertainment, on +arriving from off a journey.] + +[Footnote 3: _I've hardly any voice left_)--Ver. 1019. "Vocis non habeo +satis." Literally, "I have not voice enough."] + + +ACT V.--SCENE I. + +_Enter_ TRANIO. + +TRA. (_to himself_). The man that shall prove timid in critical matters, +will not be worth a nutshell. And, really, to say what that expression, +"worth a nutshell," means, I don't know. But after my master sent me +into the country to fetch his son hither, I went that way (_pointing_) +slily through the lane to our garden. At the entrance to the garden +that's in the lane, I opened the door; and by that road I led out all +the troop, both men and women. After, from being in a state of siege, I +had led out my troops to a place of safety, I + +adopted the plan of convoking a senate of my comrades, and when I had +convoked it, they forthwith banished me from the senate. When I myself +perceived that the matter must be decided by my own judgment, as soon as +ever I could, I did the same as many others do, whose affairs are in +a critical or a perplexed state; they proceed to render them more +perplexed, so that nothing can be settled. But I know full well, that +now by no means can this be concealed from the old man. But how's this, +that our next neighbour's door makes a noise? Why, surely this is my +master: I'd like to have a taste of his talk. (_Goes aside, out of sight +of_ THEUROPIDES.) + +_Enter_ THEUROPIDES, _from_ SIMO'S _house._ + +THEU. (_in the doorway, speaking to_ SIMO'S SLAVES). Do you stand there, +in that spot within the threshold; so that, the very instant I call, you +may sally forth at once. Quickly fasten the handcuffs _upon him_. I'll +wait before the house for this fellow that makes a fool of me, whose +hide I'll make a fool of in fine style, if I live. + +TRA. (_apart_). The affair's all out. Now it's best for you, Tranio, to +consider what you are to do. + +THEU. (_to himself_). I must go to work to catch him cleverly and +artfully when he comes here. I'll not disclose to him my feelings all at +once; I'll throw out my line; I'll conceal the fact that I know anything +of these matters. + +TRA. (_apart_). O cunning mortal! not another person in Athens can be +pronounced more clever than he. One can no more this day deceive him +than _he can_ a stone. I'll accost the man; I'll address him. + +THEU. (_to himself_). Now I do wish that he would come here. + +TRA. (_apart_). I' faith, if me indeed you want, here I am ready at hand +for you. (_Comes forward._) + +THEU. Bravo! Tranio, what's being done? + +TRA. The country people are coming from the country: Philolaches will be +here in a moment. + +THEU. I' faith, he comes opportunely for me. This neighbour of ours I +take to be a shameless and dishonest fellow. + +TRA. Why so? + +THEU. Inasmuch as he denies that he knows you. + +TRA. Denies it? THEU. _And declares_ that you never gave him a single +coin of money. + +TRA. Out with you, you are joking me, I do believe; he doesn't deny it. + +THEU. How so? TRA. I am sure now that you are joking; for surely he +doesn't deny it. + +THEU. Nay but, upon my faith, he really does deny it; or that he has +sold this house to Philolaches. + +TRA. Well now, pray, has he denied that the money was paid him? + +THEU. Nay more, he offered to take an oath to me, if I desired it, that +he had neither sold this house, nor had _any_ money him paid been. I +told him the same _that you told me_. + +TRA. What did he say? THEU. He offered to give up all his servants for +examination. + +TRA. Nonsense! On my faith, he never will give them up. + +THEU. He really does offer _them_. + +TRA. Why then, do you summon him to trial. + +THEU. Wait a bit; I'll make trial as I fancy. I'm determined on it. TRA. +Bring the fellow here to me. + +THEU. What then, if I go fetch some men? + +TRA. It ought to hare been done already; or else bid the young man to +demand possession of the house. + +THEU. Why no, I want _to do_ this first--to put the servants under +examination [1]. + +TRA. I' faith, I think it ought to be done. Meantime, I'll take +possession of this altar [2]. (_Runs to the altar._) + +THEU. Why so? TRA. You can understand nothing. Why, that those may not +be able to take refuge here whom he shall give up for examination, +I'll keep guard here for you; so that the examination may not come to +nothing. + +THEU. Get up _from the altar_. TRA. By no means. + +THEU. Prithee, don't you take possession of the altar. + +TRA. Why so? + +THEU. You shall hear; why, because I especially want this, for them to +be taking refuge there. Do let _them_; so much the more easily shall I +get him fined before the judge. + +TRA. What you intend to do, do it. Why do you wish to sow further +strife? You don't know how ticklish a thing it is to go to law. + +THEU. Just get up, (_beckoning_) this way; it's, then, to ask your +advice upon something _that I want you_. + +TRA. Still, as I am, I'll give my advice from this spot; my wits are +much sharper when I'm sitting [3]. Besides, advice is given with higher +sanction from holy places [4]. + +THEU. Get up; don't be trifling. Just look me in the face. TRA. +(_looking at him_). I am looking. + +THEU. Do you see me? TRA. I do see--that if any third person were to +step in here, he would die of hunger. + +THEU. Why so? TRA. Because he would get no profit; for, upon my faith, +we are both artful ones. + +THEU. I'm undone! TRA. What's the matter with you? + +THEU. You have deceived me. TRA. How so, pray? + +THEU. You've wiped me clean [5]. TRA. Consider, please, if it wasn't +well done; is your nose running _still_? + +THEU. Aye, all my brains besides have you been wiping out of my head as +well. For all your villanies I have discovered from their very roots; +and not from the roots, indeed, i' faith, but even from beneath the very +roots. Never this day, by my troth, will you have planned _all this_ +without being punished. I shall at once, you villain, order fire and +faggots [6] to be placed around you. + +TRA. Don't do it; for it's my way to be sweeter boiled than roasted. + +THEU. Upon my faith, I'll make an example of you. + +TRA. Because I please you, you select me for an example. + +THEU. Say _now_: what kind of a person did I leave my son, when I went +away from here? + +TRA. _One_ with feet _and_ hands, with fingers, ears, eyes, _and_ lips. +THEU. I asked you something else _than that_. + +TRA. For that reason I now answer you something else. But look, I see +Callidamates, the friend of your son, coming this way. Deal with me in +his presence, if you want anything. + +[Footnote 1: _Servants under examination_)--Ver. 1073. "Quaestioni." +"Examination by torture;" which was the method used by the Romans for +extracting confessions from slaves.] + +[Footnote 2: _Take position of this altar_)--Ver. 1074. When a person +took refuge at an altar, he could not be brought to justice, or have +violence offered to his person. According to some writers, there were +always two altars on the stage of Comedy, one on the right hand, sacred +to Apollo, and one on the left, devoted to that Divinity or Hero in +honor of whom the Play was being acted.] + +[Footnote 3: _Sharper when I'm sitting_)--1083. Warner suggests that +a little raillery is intended here, upon the custom of sitting when +dispensing justice and paying adoration to the Gods.] + +[Footnote 4: _With higher sanction from holy places_)--Ver. 1084. +The ancients made use of sacred places for the purpose of debating on +affairs of importance in, as being likely to add weight and authority +to their judgment. The Roman Senate often met in the Temples, and there +administered justice and gate audience to ambassadors.] + +[Footnote 5: _You've wiped me clean_)--Ver. 1089. "Emungo," "to wipe +the nose" for a person, also meant "to cheat" or "impose upon him;" +probably, by reason of the state of helplessness it implied in the party +who was so treated.] + +[Footnote 6: _Order fire and faggots_)--Ver. 1099. Though a suppliant +could not be removed from the altar by force, still it was allowable to +burn him away, by surrounding him with fire.] + + +SCENE II.--_Enter CALLIDAMATES, at a distance._ + +CALL. (_to himself_). When I had buried all drowsiness [1], and slept +off the debauch, Philolaches told me that _his_ father had arrived here +from abroad; in what a way too _his_ servant had imposed upon the man on +his arrival; he said that he was afraid to come into his presence. Now +of our company I am deputed sole ambassador, to obtain peace from +his father. And look, most opportunely here he is. (_Accosting_ +THEUROPIDES.) I wish you health, Theuropides, and am glad that you've +got back safe from abroad. You must dine here with us to-day. Do so. + +THEU. Callidamates, may the Gods bless you. For your dinner I offer you +my thanks. + +CALL. Will you come then? TRA. (_To_ THEUROPIDES.) Do promise him; I'll +go for you, if you don't like. + +THEU. Whip-scoundrel, laughing at _me_ still? + +TRA. What, because I say that I'll go to dinner for you? + +THEU. But you shan't go. I'll have you carried to the cross, as you +deserve. + +TRA. Come, let this pass, and say that I shall go to the dinner. Why are +you silent? + +CALL. (_to_ TRANIO). But why, you greatest of simpletons, have you taken +refuge at the altar? + +TRA. He frightened me on his arrival. (_To_ THEUROPIDES.) Say now, what +I have done _amiss_. Look, now there's an umpire for us both; come, +discuss _the matter_. + +THEU. I say that you have corrupted my son. + +TRA. Only listen. I confess that he has done amiss; that he has given +freedom to his mistress; that in your absence he has borrowed money +at interest; that, I admit, is squandered away. Has he done anything +different to what sons of the noblest families do? + +THEU. Upon my faith, I must be on my guard with you; you are too clever +a pleader. + +CALL. Just let me be umpire in this matter. (_To_ TRANIO.) Get up; I'll +seat myself there. + +THEU. By all means: take the management of this dispute to yourself. +(_Pushes him to one side of the altar._) + +TRA. Why, this is _surely_ a trick. Make me, then, not to be in a +fright, and yourself to be in a fright in my stead. + +THEU. I consider now everything of trifling consequence, compared with +the way in which he has fooled me. + +TRA. I' faith, 'twas cleverly done, and I rejoice that it was done. +Those who have white heads ought at that age to be wiser. + +THEU. What am I now to do if my friend Demipho or Philonides-- + +TRA. Tell them in what way your servant made a fool of you. You would be +affording most capital plots for Comedies. + +CALL. Hold your tongue awhile; let me speak in my turn.--Listen. THEU. +By all means. + +CALL. In the first place of all then, you know that I am the companion +of your son; he has gone to my house, for he is ashamed to come into +your presence, because he knows that you are aware what he has done. +Now, I beseech you, do pardon his simplicity and youthfulness. He is +your _son_; you know that this age is wont to play such pranks; whatever +he has done, he has done in company with me. We have acted wrong: +the interest, principal, and all the sum at which the mistress vas +purchased, all of it we will find, _and_ will contribute together, at +our own cost, not yours. + +THEU. No mediator could have come to me more able to influence me +than yourself. I am neither angry with him [2], nor do I blame him for +anything: nay more, in my presence, wench on, drink, do what you please. +If he's ashamed of this, that he has been extravagant, I have sufficient +satisfaction. + +CALL. I'm quite ashamed _myself_. + +TRA. He grants pardon thus far; now then, what is to become of me? + +THEU. Filth, tied up as you hang, you shall be beaten with stripes. + +TRA. Even though I am ashamed [3]? + +THEU. Upon my faith, I'll be the death of you, if I live! + +CALL. Make this pardon general; do, pray, forgive Tranio this offence, +for my sake. + +THEU. I would more readily put up with your obtaining any other request +of me than that I should forbear sending to perdition this fellow for +his most villanous doings. + +CALL. Pray, do pardon him. TRA. Do pardon me? + +THEU. Look there, don't you see how the villain sticks there? (_Pointing +to the altar._) + +CALL. Tranio, do be quiet, if you are in your senses. + +THEU. Only do you be quiet in urging this matter. I'll subdue him with +stripes, so that he shall be quiet. + +CALL. Really, there is no need. Come now, do allow yourself to be +prevailed upon. + +THEU. I wish you would not request me. + +CALL. Troth now, I do entreat you. + +THEU. I wish you would not request me, I tell you. + +CALL. It's in vain you wish me not; only do grant this one pardon for +his offence, pray, for my sake, I do entreat you. + +TRA. Why make this difficulty? As if to-morrow, I shouldn't be very soon +committing some other fault; then, both of them, both this one and that, +you'll be able to punish soundly. + +CALL. Do let me prevail upon you. + +THEU. Well then, have it _so_; begone, unpunished! (TRANIO _jumps down +from the altar._) There now, (_pointing to_ CALLIDAMATES) return him +thanks for it. (_Coming forward._) Spectators, this Play is finished; +grant _us your_ applause [4]. + +[Footnote 1: _Buried all drowsiness_)--Ver. 1102. Generally we hear of +a person "being buried in sleep;" but Callidamates considers that a +drunkard, when he awakes from his sleep, "buries slumber." It is +not unlike the words of Shakspeare, in Macbeth: "Macbeth doth murder +sleep!"] + +[Footnote 2: _Neither angry with him_)--Ver. 1142. "Illi," "with him;" +evidently meaning Philolaches.] + +[Footnote 3: _Though I am ashamed_)--Ver. 1146. This piece of impudence +is very characteristic of Tranio.] + +[Footnote 4: _Grant us your applause_)--Ver. 1160. We may here remark +that The Intriguing Chambermaid, one of Fielding's Comedies, is founded +upon this entertaining Play.] + + + + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Captiva and The Mostellaria, by Plautus + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE CAPTIVA AND THE MOSTELLARIA *** + +***** This file should be named 7282.txt or 7282.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/7/2/8/7282/ + +Produced by David Starner, Blain Nelson, Ted Garvin and +the Online Distributed Proofreading Team + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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