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diff --git a/7515.txt b/7515.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..695046b --- /dev/null +++ b/7515.txt @@ -0,0 +1,3287 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Glory of the Trenches, by Coningsby Dawson + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Glory of the Trenches + +Author: Coningsby Dawson + +Commentator: W. J. Dawson + + +Release Date: February, 2005 [EBook #7515] +This file was first posted on May 13, 2003 +Last Updated: May 7, 2013 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE GLORY OF THE TRENCHES *** + + + + +Produced by Tiffany Vergon, Brendan Lane, Edward Johnson, +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team + + + + + + + + +THE GLORY OF THE TRENCHES + +AN INTERPRETATION + +By Coningsby Dawson + +Author of "Carry On: Letters In Wartime," Etc. + + +With An Introduction By His Father, W. J. Dawson + + +"The glory is all in the souls of the men--it's nothing external." + --From "Carry On" + + +1917 + + +[Illustration: LIEUTENANT CONINGSBY DAWSON] + + + + +TO YOU AT HOME + + + Each night we panted till the runners came, + Bearing your letters through the battle-smoke. + Their path lay up Death Valley spouting flame, + Across the ridge where the Hun's anger spoke + In bursting shells and cataracts of pain; + Then down the road where no one goes by day, + And so into the tortured, pockmarked plain + Where dead men clasp their wounds and point the way. + Here gas lurks treacherously and the wire + Of old defences tangles up the feet; + Faces and hands strain upward through the mire, + Speaking the anguish of the Hun's retreat. + Sometimes no letters came; the evening hate + Dragged on till dawn. The ridge in flying spray + Of hissing shrapnel told the runners' fate; + We knew we should not hear from you that day-- + From you, who from the trenches of the mind + Hurl back despair, smiling with sobbing breath, + Writing your souls on paper to be kind, + That you for us may take the sting from Death. + + + + +CONTENTS + + +TO YOU AT HOME. (Poem) + +HOW THIS BOOK WAS WRITTEN + +IN HOSPITAL. (Poem) + +THE ROAD TO BLIGHTY + +THE LADS AWAY. (Poem) + +THE GROWING OF THE VISION + +THE GLORY OF THE TRENCHES. (Poem) + +GOD AS WE SEE HIM + + + + +HOW THIS BOOK WAS WRITTEN + + +In my book, _The Father of a Soldier_, I have already stated the +conditions under which this book of my son's was produced. + +He was wounded in the end of June, 1917, in the fierce struggle before +Lens. He was at once removed to a base-hospital, and later on to a +military hospital in London. There was grave danger of amputation of +the right arm, but this was happily avoided. As soon as he could use +his hand he was commandeered by the Lord High Commissioner of Canada +to write an important paper, detailing the history of the Canadian +forces in France and Flanders. This task kept him busy until the end +of August, when he obtained a leave of two months to come home. He +arrived in New York in September, and returned again to London in the +end of October. + +The plan of the book grew out of his conversations with us and the +three public addresses which he made. The idea had already been +suggested to him by his London publisher, Mr. John Lane. He had +written a few hundred words, but had no very keen sense of the value +of the experiences he had been invited to relate. He had not even read +his own published letters in _Carry On_. He said he had begun to read +them when the book reached him in the trenches, but they made him +homesick, and he was also afraid that his own estimate of their value +might not coincide with ours, or with the verdict which the public has +since passed upon them. He regarded his own experiences, which we +found so thrilling, in the same spirit of modest depreciation. They +were the commonplaces of the life which he had led, and he was +sensitive lest they should be regarded as improperly heroic. No one +was more astonished than he when he found great throngs eager to hear +him speak. The people assembled an hour before the advertised time, +they stormed the building as soon as the doors were open, and when +every inch of room was packed they found a way in by the windows and a +fire-escape. This public appreciation of his message indicated a value +in it which he had not suspected, and led him to recognise that what +he had to say was worthy of more than a fugitive utterance on a public +platform. He at once took up the task of writing this book, with a +genuine and delighted surprise that he had not lost his love of +authorship. He had but a month to devote to it, but by dint of daily +diligence, amid many interruptions of a social nature, he finished his +task before he left. The concluding lines were actually written on the +last night before he sailed for England. + +We discussed several titles for the book. _The Religion of Heroism_ +was the title suggested by Mr. John Lane, but this appeared too +didactic and restrictive. I suggested _Souls in Khaki_, but this +admirable title had already been appropriated. Lastly, we decided on +_The Glory of the Trenches_, as the most expressive of his aim. He +felt that a great deal too much had been said about the squalor, +filth, discomfort and suffering of the trenches. He pointed out that a +very popular war-book which we were then reading had six paragraphs in +the first sixty pages which described in unpleasant detail the +verminous condition of the men, as if this were the chief thing to be +remarked concerning them. He held that it was a mistake for a writer +to lay too much stress on the horrors of war. The effect was bad +physiologically--it frightened the parents of soldiers; it was equally +bad for the enlisted man himself, for it created a false impression in +his mind. We all knew that war was horrible, but as a rule the soldier +thought little of this feature in his lot. It bulked large to the +civilian who resented inconvenience and discomfort, because he had +only known their opposites; but the soldier's real thoughts were +concerned with other things. He was engaged in spiritual acts. He was +accomplishing spiritual purposes as truly as the martyr of faith and +religion. He was moved by spiritual impulses, the evocation of duty, +the loyal dependence of comradeship, the spirit of sacrifice, the +complete surrender of the body to the will of the soul. This was the +side of war which men needed most to recognise. They needed it not +only because it was the true side, but because nothing else could +kindle and sustain the enduring flame of heroism in men's hearts. + +While some erred in exhibiting nothing but the brutalities of war, +others erred by sentimentalising war. He admitted that it was +perfectly possible to paint a portrait of a soldier with the aureole +of a saint, but it would not be a representative portrait. It would be +eclectic, the result of selection elimination. It would be as unlike +the common average as Rupert Brooke, with his poet's face and poet's +heart, was unlike the ordinary naval officers with whom he sailed to +the AEgean. + +The ordinary soldier is an intensely human creature, with an +"endearing blend of faults and virtues." The romantic method of +portraying him not only misrepresented him, but its result is far less +impressive than a portrait painted in the firm lines of reality. There +is an austere grandeur in the reality of what he is and does which +needs no fine gilding from the sentimentalist. To depict him as a Sir +Galahad in holy armour is as serious an offence as to exhibit him as a +Caliban of marred clay; each method fails of truth, and all that the +soldier needs to be known about him, that men should honour him, is +the truth. + +What my son aimed at in writing this book was to tell the truth about +the men who were his comrades, in so far as it was given him to see +it. He was in haste to write while the impression was fresh in his +mind, for he knew how soon the fine edge of these impressions grew +dull as they receded from the immediate area of vision. "If I wait +till the war is over, I shan't be able to write of it at all," he +said. "You've noticed that old soldiers are very often silent men. +They've had their crowded hours of glorious life, but they rarely tell +you much about them. I remember you used to tell me that you once knew +a man who sailed with Napoleon to St Helena, but all he could tell you +was that Napoleon had a fine leg and wore white silk stockings. If +he'd written down his impressions of Napoleon day by day as he watched +him walking the deck of the _Bellerophon_, he'd have told you a great +deal more about him than that he wore white silk stockings. If I wait +till the war is over before I write about it, it's very likely I shall +recollect only trivial details, and the big heroic spirit of the thing +will escape me. There's only one way of recording an impression--catch +it while it's fresh, vivid, vital; shoot it on the wing. If you wait +too long it will vanish." It was because he felt in this way that he +wrote in red-hot haste, sacrificing his brief leave to the task, and +concentrating all his mind upon it. + +There was one impression that he was particularly anxious to +record,--his sense of the spiritual processes which worked behind the +grim offence of war, the new birth of religious ideas, which was one +of its most wonderful results. He had both witnessed and shared this +renascence. It was too indefinite, too immature to be chronicled with +scientific accuracy, but it was authentic and indubitable. It was +atmospheric, a new air which men breathed, producing new energies and +forms of thought. Men were rediscovering themselves, their own +forgotten nobilities, the latent nobilities in all men. Bound together +in the daily obedience of self-surrender, urged by the conditions of +their task to regard duty as inexorable, confronted by the pitiless +destruction of the body, they were forced into a new recognition of +the spiritual values of life. In the common conventional use of the +term these men were not religious. There was much in their speech and +in their conduct which would outrage the standards of a narrow +pietism. Traditional creeds and forms of faith had scant authority for +them. But they had made their own a surer faith than lives in +creeds. It was expressed not in words but acts. They had freed their +souls from the tyrannies of time and the fear of death. They had +accomplished indeed that very emancipation of the soul which is the +essential evangel of all religions, which all religions urge on men, +but which few men really achieve, however earnestly they profess the +forms of pious faith. + +This was the true Glory of the Trenches. They were the Calvaries of a +new redemption being wrought out for men by soiled unconscious +Christs. And, as from that ancient Calvary, with all its agony of +shame, torture and dereliction, there flowed a flood of light which +made a new dawn for the world, so from these obscure crucifixions +there would come to men a new revelation of the splendour of the human +soul, the true divinity that dwells in man, the God made manifest in +the flesh by acts of valour, heroism, and self-sacrifice which +transcend the instincts and promptings of the flesh, and bear witness +to the indestructible life of the spirit. + +It is to express these thoughts and convictions that this book was +written. It is a record of things deeply felt, seen and +experienced--this, first of all and chiefly. The lesson of what is +recorded is incidental and implicit. It is left to the discovery of +the reader, and yet is so plainly indicated that he cannot fail to +discover it. We shall all see this war quite wrongly, and shall +interpret it by imperfect and base equivalents, if we see it only as a +human struggle for human ends. We shall err yet more miserably if all +our thoughts and sensations about it are drawn from its physical +horror, "the deformations of our common manhood" on the battlefield, +the hopeless waste and havoc of it all. We shall only view it in its +real perspective when we recognise the spiritual impulses which direct +it, and the strange spiritual efficacy that is in it to burn out the +deep-fibred cancer of doubt and decadence which has long threatened +civilisation with a slow corrupt death. Seventy-five years ago Mrs. +Browning, writing on _The Greek Christian Poets_, used a striking +sentence to which the condition of human thought to-day lends a new +emphasis. "We want," she said, "the touch of Christ's hand upon our +literature, as it touched other dead things--we want the sense of the +saturation of Christ's blood upon the souls of our poets that it may +cry through them in answer to the ceaseless wail of the Sphinx of our +humanity, expounding agony into renovation. Something of this has been +perceived in art when its glory was at the fullest." It is this glory +of divine sacrifice which is the Glory of the Trenches. It is because +the writer recognises this that he is able to walk undismayed among +things terrible and dismaying, and to expound agony into renovation. + +W. J. DAWSON. + +February, 1918. + + + + +IN HOSPITAL + + + Hushed and happy whiteness, + Miles on miles of cots, + The glad contented brightness + Where sunlight falls in spots. + + Sisters swift and saintly + Seem to tread on grass; + Like flowers stirring faintly, + Heads turn to watch them pass. + + Beauty, blood, and sorrow, + Blending in a trance-- + Eternity's to-morrow + In this half-way house of France. + + Sounds of whispered talking, + Laboured indrawn breath; + Then like a young girl walking + The dear familiar Death. + + + + +I + +THE ROAD TO BLIGHTY + + +I am in hospital in London, lying between clean white sheets and +feeling, for the first time in months, clean all over. At the end of +the ward there is a swinging door; if I listen intently in the +intervals when the gramophone isn't playing, I can hear the sound of +bath-water running--running in a reckless kind of fashion as if it +didn't care how much was wasted. To me, so recently out of the +fighting and so short a time in Blighty, it seems the finest music in +the world. For the sheer luxury of the contrast I close my eyes +against the July sunlight and imagine myself back in one of those +narrow dug-outs where it isn't the thing to undress because the row +may start at any minute. + +Out there in France we used to tell one another fairy-tales of how we +would spend the first year of life when war was ended. One man had a +baby whom he'd never seen; another a girl whom he was anxious to +marry. My dream was more prosaic, but no less ecstatic--it began and +ended with a large white bed and a large white bath. For the first +three hundred and sixty-five mornings after peace had been declared I +was to be wakened by the sound of my bath being filled; water was to +be so plentiful that I could tumble off to sleep again without even +troubling to turn off the tap. In France one has to go dirty so often +that the dream of being always clean seems as unrealisable as +romance. Our drinking-water is frequently brought up to us at the risk +of men's lives, carried through the mud in petrol-cans strapped on to +packhorses. To use it carelessly would be like washing in men's +blood---- + +And here, most marvellously, with my dream come true, I lie in the +whitest of white beds. The sunlight filters through trees outside the +window and weaves patterns on the floor. Most wonderful of all is the +sound of the water so luxuriously running. Some one hops out of bed +and re-starts the gramophone. The music of the bath-room tap is lost. + +Up and down the ward, with swift precision, nurses move softly. They +have the unanxious eyes of those whose days are mapped out with +duties. They rarely notice us as individuals. They ask no questions, +show no curiosity. Their deeds of persistent kindness are all +performed impersonally. It's the same with the doctors. This is a +military hospital where discipline is firmly enforced; any natural +recognition of common fineness is discouraged. These women who have +pledged themselves to live among suffering, never allow themselves for +a moment to guess what the sight of them means to us chaps in the +cots. Perhaps that also is a part of their sacrifice. But we follow +them with our eyes, and we wish that they would allow themselves to +guess. For so many months we have not seen a woman; there have been so +many hours when we expected never again to see a woman. We're +Lazaruses exhumed and restored to normal ways of life by the fluke of +having collected a bit of shrapnel--we haven't yet got used to normal +ways. The mere rustle of a woman's skirt fills us with unreasonable +delight and makes the eyes smart with memories of old longings. Those +childish longings of the trenches! No one can understand them who has +not been there, where all personal aims are a wash-out and the courage +to endure remains one's sole possession. + +The sisters at the Casualty Clearing Station--they understood. The +Casualty Clearing Station is the first hospital behind the line to +which the wounded are brought down straight from the Dressing-Stations. +All day and all night ambulances come lurching along shell-torn roads +to their doors. The men on the stretchers are still in their bloody +tunics, rain-soaked, pain-silent, splashed with the corruption of +fighting--their bodies so obviously smashed and their spirits so +obviously unbroken. The nurses at the Casualty Clearing Station can +scarcely help but understand. They can afford to be feminine to men +who are so weak. Moreover, they are near enough the Front to share in +the sublime exaltation of those who march out to die. They know when a +big offensive is expected, and prepare for it. They are warned the +moment it has commenced by the distant thunder of the guns. Then comes +the ceaseless stream of lorries and ambulances bringing that which has +been broken so quickly to them to be patched up in months. They work +day and night with a forgetfulness of self which equals the devotion +of the soldiers they are tending. Despite their orderliness they seem +almost fanatical in their desire to spend themselves. They are always +doing, but they can never do enough. It's the same with the surgeons. +I know of one who during a great attack operated for forty-eight hours +on end and finally went to sleep where he stood from utter weariness. +The picture that forms in my mind of these women is absurd, Arthurian +and exact; I see them as great ladies, mediaeval in their saintliness, +sharing the pollution of the battle with their champions. + +Lying here with nothing to worry about in the green serenity of an +English summer, I realize that no man can grasp the splendour of this +war until he has made the trip to Blighty on a stretcher. What I mean +is this: so long as a fighting man keeps well, his experience of the +war consists of muddy roads leading up through a desolated country to +holes in the ground, in which he spends most of his time watching +other holes in the ground, which people tell him are the Hun +front-line. This experience is punctuated by periods during which the +earth shoots up about him like corn popping in a pan, and he +experiences the insanest fear, if he's made that way, or the most +satisfying kind of joy. About once a year something happens which, +when it's over, he scarcely believes has happened: he's told that he +can run away to England and pretend that there isn't any war on for +ten days. For those ten days, so far as he's concerned, hostilities +are suspended. He rides post-haste through ravaged villages to the +point from which the train starts. Up to the very last moment until +the engine pulls out, he's quite panicky lest some one shall come and +snatch his warrant from him, telling him that leave has been +cancelled. He makes his journey in a carriage in which all the windows +are smashed. Probably it either snows or rains. During the night +while he stamps his feet to keep warm, he remembers that in his hurry +to escape he's left all his Hun souvenirs behind. During his time in +London he visits his tailor at least twice a day, buys a vast amount +of unnecessary kit, sleeps late, does most of his resting in +taxi-cabs, eats innumerable meals at restaurants, laughs at a great +many plays in which life at the Front is depicted as a joke. He feels +dazed and half suspects that he isn't in London at all, but only +dreaming in his dug-out. Some days later he does actually wake up in +his dug-out; the only proof he has that he's been on leave is that he +can't pay his mess-bill and is minus a hundred pounds. Until a man is +wounded he only sees the war from the point of view of the front-line +and consequently, as I say, misses half its splendour, for he is +ignorant of the greatness of the heart that beats behind him all along +the lines of communication. Here in brief is how I found this out. + +The dressing-station to which I went was underneath a ruined house, +under full observation of the Hun and in an area which was heavily +shelled. On account of the shelling and the fact that any movement +about the place would attract attention, the wounded were only carried +out by night. Moreover, to get back from the dressing-station to the +collecting point in rear of the lines, the ambulances had to traverse +a white road over a ridge full in view of the enemy. The Huns kept +guns trained on this road and opened fire at the least sign of +traffic. When I presented myself I didn't think that there was +anything seriously the matter; my arm had swelled and was painful from +a wound of three days' standing. The doctor, however, recognised that +septic poisoning had set in and that to save the arm an operation was +necessary without loss of time. He called a sergeant and sent him out +to consult with an ambulance-driver. "This officer ought to go out at +once. Are you willing to take a chance?" asked the sergeant. The +ambulance-driver took a look at the chalk road gleaming white in the +sun where it climbed the ridge. "Sure, Mike," he said, and ran off to +crank his engine and back his car out of its place of concealment. +"Sure, Mike,"--that was all. He'd have said the same if he'd been +asked whether he'd care to take a chance at Hell. + +I have three vivid memories of that drive. The first, my own uneasy +sense that I was deserting. Frankly I didn't want to go out; few men +do when it comes to the point. The Front has its own peculiar +exhilaration, like big game-hunting, discovering the North Pole, or +anything that's dangerous; and it has its own peculiar reward--the +peace of mind that comes of doing something beyond dispute unselfish +and superlatively worth while. It's odd, but it's true that in the +front-line many a man experiences peace of mind for the first time and +grows a little afraid of a return to normal ways of life. My second +memory is of the wistful faces of the chaps whom we passed along the +road. At the unaccustomed sound of a car travelling in broad daylight +the Tommies poked their heads out of hiding-places like rabbits. Such +dirty Tommies! How could they be otherwise living forever on old +battlefields? If they were given time for reflection they wouldn't +want to go out; they'd choose to stay with the game till the war was +ended. But we caught them unaware, and as they gazed after us down the +first part of the long trail that leads back from the trenches to +Blighty, there was hunger in their eyes. My third memory is of +kindness. + +You wouldn't think that men would go to war to learn how to be +kind--but they do. There's no kinder creature in the whole wide world +than the average Tommy. He makes a friend of any stray animal he can +find. He shares his last franc with a chap who isn't his pal. He risks +his life quite inconsequently to rescue any one who's wounded. When +he's gone over the top with bomb and bayonet for the express purpose +of "doing in" the Hun, he makes a comrade of the Fritzie he +captures. You'll see him coming down the battered trenches with some +scared lad of a German at his side. He's gabbling away making +throat-noises and signs, smiling and doing his inarticulate best to be +intelligible. He pats the Hun on the back, hands him chocolate and +cigarettes, exchanges souvenirs and shares with him his last +luxury. If any one interferes with his Fritzie he's willing to +fight. When they come to the cage where the prisoner has to be handed +over, the farewells of these companions whose acquaintance has been +made at the bayonet-point are often as absurd as they are affecting. I +suppose one only learns the value of kindness when he feels the need +of it himself. The men out there have said "Good-bye" to everything +they loved, but they've got to love some one--so they give their +affections to captured Fritzies, stray dogs, fellows who've collected +a piece of a shell--in fact to any one who's a little worse off than +themselves. My ambulance-driver was like that with his "Sure, Mike." +He was like it during the entire drive. When he came to the white road +which climbs the ridge with all the enemy country staring at it, it +would have been excusable in him to have hurried. The Hun barrage +might descend at any minute. All the way, in the ditches on either +side, dead pack animals lay; in the dug-outs there were other unseen +dead making the air foul. But he drove slowly and gently, skirting the +shell-holes with diligent care so as to spare us every unnecessary +jolting. I don't know his name, shouldn't recognise his face, but I +shall always remember the almost womanly tenderness of his driving. + +After two changes into other ambulances at different distributing +points, I arrived about nine on a summer's evening at the Casualty +Clearing Station. In something less than an hour I was undressed and +on the operating table. + +You might suppose that when for three interminable years such a stream +of tragedy has flowed through a hospital, it would be easy for +surgeons and nurses to treat mutilation and death perfunctorily. They +don't. They show no emotion. They are even cheerful; but their +strained faces tell the story and their hands have an immense +compassion. + +Two faces especially loom out. I can always see them by lamp-light, +when the rest of the ward is hushed and shrouded, stooping over some +silent bed. One face is that of the Colonel of the hospital, grey, +concerned, pitiful, stern. His eyes seem to have photographed all the +suffering which in three years they have witnessed. He's a tall man, +but he moves softly. Over his uniform he wears a long white operating +smock--he never seems to remove it. And he never seems to sleep, for +he comes wandering through his Gethsemane all hours of the night to +bend over the more serious cases. He seems haunted by a vision of the +wives, mothers, sweethearts, whose happiness is in his hands. I think +of him as a Christ in khaki. + +The other face is of a girl--a sister I ought to call her. She's the +nearest approach to a sculptured Greek goddess I've seen in a living +woman. She's very tall, very pale and golden, with wide brows and big +grey eyes like Trilby. I wonder what she did before she went to +war--for she's gone to war just as truly as any soldier. I'm sure in +the peaceful years she must have spent a lot of time in being +loved. Perhaps her man was killed out here. Now she's ivory-white with +over-service and spends all her days in loving. Her eyes have the old +frank, innocent look, but they're ringed with being weary. Only her +lips hold a touch of colour; they have a childish trick of trembling +when any one's wound is hurting too much. She's the first touch of +home that the stretcher-cases see when they've said good-bye to the +trenches. She moves down the ward; eyes follow her. When she is +absent, though others take her place, she leaves a loneliness. If she +meant much to men in days gone by, to-day she means more than +ever. Over many dying boys she stoops as the incarnation of the woman +whom, had they lived, they would have loved. To all of us, with the +blasphemy of destroying still upon us, she stands for the divinity of +womanhood. + +What sights she sees and what words she hears; yet the pity she brings +to her work preserves her sweetness. In the silence of the night those +who are delirious re-fight their recent battles. You're half-asleep, +when in the darkened ward some one jumps up in bed, shouting, "Hold +your bloody hands up." He thinks he's capturing a Hun trench, taking +prisoners in a bombed in dug-out. In an instant, like a mother with a +frightened child, she's bending over him; soon she has coaxed his head +back on the pillow. Men do not die in vain when they evoke such women. +And the men--the chaps in the cots! As a patient the first sight you +have of them is a muddy stretcher. The care with which the bearers +advance is only equalled by the waiters in old-established London +Clubs when they bring in one of their choicest wines. The thing on the +stretcher looks horribly like some of the forever silent people you +have seen in No Man's Land. A pair of boots you see, a British Warm +flung across the body and an arm dragging. A screen is put round a +bed; the next sight you have of him is a weary face lying on a white +pillow. Soon the chap in the bed next to him is questioning. + +"What's yours?" + +"Machine-gun caught me in both legs." + +"Going to lose 'em?" + +"Don't know. Can't feel much at present. Hope not." + +Then the questioner raises himself on his elbow. "How's it going?" + +_It_ is the attack. The conversation that follows is always how we're +hanging on to such and such an objective and have pushed forward three +hundred yards here or have been bent back there. One thing you notice: +every man forgets his own catastrophe in his keenness for the success +of the offensive. Never in all my fortnight's journey to Blighty did I +hear a word of self-pity or complaining. On the contrary, the most +severely wounded men would profess themselves grateful that they had +got off so lightly. Since the war started the term "lightly" has +become exceedingly comparative. I suppose a man is justified in saying +he's got off lightly when what he expected was death. + +I remember a big Highland officer who had been shot in the +knee-cap. He had been operated on and the knee-cap had been found to +be so splintered that it had had to be removed; of this he was +unaware. For the first day as he lay in bed he kept wondering aloud +how long it would be before he could re-join his battalion. Perhaps he +suspected his condition and was trying to find out. All his heart +seemed set on once again getting into the fighting. Next morning he +plucked up courage to ask the doctor, and received the answer he had +dreaded. + +"Never. You won't be going back, old chap." + +Next time he spoke his voice was a bit throaty. "Will it stiffen?" + +"You've lost the knee-joint," the doctor said, "but with luck we'll +save the leg." + +His voice sank to a whisper. "If you do, it won't be much good, will +it?" + +"Not much." + +He lay for a couple of hours silent, readjusting his mind to meet the +new conditions. Then he commenced talking with cheerfulness about +returning to his family. The habit of courage had conquered--the habit +of courage which grows out of the knowledge that you let your pals +down by showing cowardice. + +The next step on the road to Blighty is from the Casualty Station to a +Base Hospital in France. You go on a hospital train and are only +allowed to go when you are safe to travel. There is always great +excitement as to when this event will happen; its precise date usually +depends on what's going on up front and the number of fresh casualties +which are expected. One morning you awake to find that a tag has been +prepared, containing the entire medical history of your injury. The +stretcher-bearers come in with grins on their faces, your tag is tied +to the top button of your pyjamas, jocular appointments are made by +the fellows you leave behind--many of whom you know are dying--to meet +you in London, and you are carried out. The train is thoroughly +equipped with doctors and nurses; the lying cases travel in little +white bunks. No one who has not seen it can have any idea of the high +good spirits which prevail. You're going off to Blighty, to +Piccadilly, to dry boots and clean beds. The revolving wheels +underneath you seem to sing the words, "Off to Blighty--to Blighty." +It begins to dawn on you what it will be like to be again your own +master and to sleep as long as you like. + +Kindness again--always kindness! The sisters on the train can't do +enough; they seem to be trying to exceed the self-sacrifice of the +sisters you have left behind. You twist yourself so that you can get a +glimpse of the flying country. It's green, undisturbed, unmarred by +shells--there are even cows! + +At the Base Hospital to which I went there was a man who performed +miracles. He was a naturalised American citizen, but an Armenian by +birth. He gave people new faces. + +The first morning an officer came in to visit a friend; his face was +entirely swathed in bandages, with gaps left for his breathing and his +eyes. He had been like that for two years, and looked like a +leper. When he spoke he made hollow noises. His nose and lower jaw had +been torn away by an exploding shell. Little by little, with infinite +skill, by the grafting of bone and flesh, his face was being built +up. Could any surgery be more merciful? + +In the days that followed I saw several of these masked men. The worst +cases were not allowed to walk about. The ones I saw were invariably +dressed with the most scrupulous care in the smartest uniforms, Sam +Browns polished and buttons shining. They had hope, and took a pride +in themselves--a splendid sign! Perhaps you ask why the face-cases +should be kept in France. I was not told, but I can guess--because +they dread going back to England to their girls until they've got rid +of their disfigurements. So for two years through their bandages they +watch the train pull out for Blighty, while the damage which was done +them in the fragment of a second is repaired. + +At a Base Hospital you see something which you don't see at a Casualty +Station--sisters, mothers, sweethearts and wives sitting beside the +beds. They're allowed to come over from England when their man is +dying. One of the wonderful things to me was to observe how these +women in the hour of their tragedy catch the soldier spirit. They're +very quiet, very cheerful, very helpful. With passing through the ward +they get to know some of the other patients and remember them when +they bring their own man flowers. Sometimes when their own man is +asleep, they slip over to other bedsides and do something kind for the +solitary fellows. That's the army all over; military discipline is +based on unselfishness. These women who have been sent for to see +their men die, catch from them the spirit of undistressed sacrifice +and enrol themselves as soldiers. + +Next to my bed there was a Colonel of a north country regiment, a +gallant gentleman who positively refused to die. His wife had been +with him for two weeks, a little toy woman with nerves worn to a +frazzle, who masked her terror with a brave, set smile. The Colonel +had had his leg smashed by a whizz-bang when leading his troops into +action. Septic poisoning had set in and the leg had been amputated. It +had been found necessary to operate several times owing to the poison +spreading, with the result that, being far from a young man, his +strength was exhausted. Men forgot their own wounds in watching this +one man's fight for life. He became symbolic of what, in varying +degrees, we were all doing. When he was passing through a crisis the +whole ward waited breathless. There was the finest kind of rivalry +between the night and day sisters to hand him over at the end of each +twelve hours with his pulse stronger and temperature lower than when +they received him. Each was sure she had the secret of keeping him +alive. + +You discovered the spirit of the man when you heard him wandering in +delirium. All night in the shadowy ward with its hooded lamps, he +would be giving orders for the comfort of his men. Sometimes he'd be +proposing to go forward himself to a place where a company was having +a hot time; apparently one of his officers was trying to dissuade +him. "Danger be damned," he'd exclaim in a wonderfully strong +voice. "It'll buck 'em up to see me. Splendid chaps--splendid chaps!" + +About dawn he was usually supposed to be sinking, but he'd rallied +again by the time the day-sister arrived. "Still here," he'd smile in +a triumphant kind of whisper, as though bluffing death was a pastime. + +One afternoon a padre came to visit him. As he was leaving he bent +above the pillow. We learnt afterwards that this was what he had said, +"If the good Lord lets you, I hope you'll get better." + +We saw the Colonel raise himself up on his elbow. His weak voice shook +with anger. "Neither God nor the Devil has anything to do with +it. I'm going to get well." Then, as the nurse came hurrying to him, +he sank back. + +When I left the Base Hospital for Blighty he was still holding his +own. I have never heard what happened to him, but should not be at all +surprised to meet him one day in the trenches with a wooden leg, still +leading his splendid chaps. Death can't kill men of such heroic +courage. + +At the Base Hospital they talk a good deal of "the Blighty Smile." +It's supposed to be the kind of look a chap wears when he's been told +that within twenty-four hours he'll be in England. When this +information has been imparted to him, he's served out with warm socks, +woollen cap and a little linen bag into which to put his +valuables. Hours and hours before there's any chance of starting +you'll see the lucky ones lying very still, with a happy vacant look +in their eyes and their absurd woollen caps stuck ready on their +heads. Sometime, perhaps in the small hours of the morning, the +stretcher-bearers, arrive--the stretcher-bearers who all down the +lines of communication are forever carrying others towards blessedness +and never going themselves. "At last," you whisper to yourself. You +feel a glorious anticipation that you have not known since childhood +when, after three hundred and sixty-four days of waiting, it was truly +going to be Christmas. + +On the train and on the passage there is the same skillful +attention--the same ungrudging kindness. You see new faces in the +bunks beside you. After the tedium of the narrow confines of a ward +that in itself is exciting. You fall into talk. + +"What's yours?" + +"Nothing much--just a hand off and a splinter or two in the shoulder." + +You laugh. "That's not so dusty. How much did you expect for your +money?" + +Probably you meet some one from the part of the line where you were +wounded--with luck even from your own brigade, battery or battalion. +Then the talk becomes all about how things are going, whether we're +still holding on to our objectives, who's got a blighty and who's gone +west. One discussion you don't often hear--as to when the war will +end. To these civilians in khaki it seems that the war has always been +and that they will never cease to be soldiers. For them both past and +future are utterly obliterated. They would not have it otherwise. +Because they are doing their duty they are contented. The only time +the subject is ever touched on is when some one expresses the hope +that it'll last long enough for him to recover from his wounds and get +back into the line. That usually starts another man, who will never be +any more good for the trenches, wondering whether he can get into the +flying corps. The one ultimate hope of all these shattered wrecks who +are being hurried to the Blighty they have dreamt of, is that they may +again see service. + +The tang of salt in the air, the beat of waves and then, incredible +even when it has been realised, England. I think they ought to make +the hospital trains which run to London all of glass, then instead of +watching little triangles of flying country by leaning uncomfortably +far out of their bunks, the wounded would be able to drink their full +of the greenness which they have longed for so many months. The trees +aren't charred and blackened stumps; they're harps between the knees +of the hills, played on by the wind and sun. The villages have their +roofs on and children romping in their streets. The church spires +haven't been knocked down; they stand up tall and stately. The +roadsides aren't littered with empty shell-cases and dead horses. The +fields are absolutely fields, with green crops, all wavy, like hair +growing. After the tonsured filth we've been accustomed to call a +world, all this strikes one as unnatural and extraordinary. There's a +sweet fragrance over everything and one's throat feels lumpy. Perhaps +it isn't good for people's health to have lumpy throats, and that's +why they don't run glass trains to London. + +Then, after such excited waiting, you feel that the engine is slowing +down. There's a hollow rumbling; you're crossing the dear old wrinkled +Thames. If you looked out you'd see the dome of St. Paul's like a +bubble on the sky-line and smoking chimneys sticking up like +thumbs--things quite ugly and things of surpassing beauty, all of +which you have never hoped to see again and which in dreams you have +loved. But if you could look out, you wouldn't have the time. You're +getting your things together, so you won't waste a moment when they +come to carry you out. Very probably you're secreting a souvenir or +two about your person: something you've smuggled down from the front +which will really prove to your people that you've made the +acquaintance of the Hun. As though your wounds didn't prove that +sufficiently. Men are childish. + +The engine comes to a halt. You can smell the cab-stands. You're +really there. An officer comes through the train enquiring whether you +have any preference as to hospitals. Your girl lives in Liverpool or +Glasgow or Birmingham. Good heavens, the fellow holds your destiny in +his hands! He can send you to Whitechapel if he likes. So, even though +he has the same rank as yourself, you address him as, "Sir." + +Perhaps it's because I've practised this diplomacy--I don't +know. Anyway, he's granted my request. I'm to stay in London. I was +particularly anxious to stay in London, because one of my young +brothers from the Navy is there on leave at present. In fact he wired +me to France that the Admiralty had allowed him a three-days' special +extension of leave in order that he might see me. It was on the +strength of this message that the doctors at the Base Hospital +permitted me to take the journey several days before I was really in a +condition to travel. + +I'm wondering whether he's gained admission to the platform. I lie +there in my bunk all eyes, expecting any minute to see him enter. Time +and again I mistake the blue serge uniform of the St. John's Ambulance +for that of a naval lieutenant. They come to carry me out. What an +extraordinarily funny way to enter London--on a stretcher! I've +arrived on boat-trains from America, troop trains from Canada, and +come back from romantic romps in Italy, but never in my wildest +imaginings did I picture myself arriving as a wounded soldier on a Red +Cross train. + +Still clutching my absurd linen bag, which contains my valuables, I +lift my head from the pillow gazing round for any glimpse of that +much-desired brother. Now they've popped me onto the upper-shelf of a +waiting ambulance; I can see nothing except what lies out at the back. +I at once start explaining to the nurse who accompanies us that I've +lost a very valuable brother--that he's probably looking for me +somewhere on the station. She's extremely sympathetic and asks the +chauffeur to drive very slowly so that we may watch for him as we go +through the station gates into the Strand. + +We're delayed for some minutes while particulars are checked up of our +injuries and destinations. The lying cases are placed four in an +ambulance, with the flap raised at the back so we can see out. The +sitting cases travel in automobiles, buses and various kinds of +vehicles. In my ambulance there are two leg-cases with most +theatrical bandages, and one case of trench-fever. We're immensely +merry--all except the trench-fever case who has conceived an immense +sorrow for himself. We get impatient with waiting. There's an awful +lot of cheering going on somewhere; we suppose troops are marching and +can't make it out. + +Ah, we've started! At a slow crawl to prevent jarring we pass through +the gates. We discover the meaning of the cheering. On either side the +people are lined in dense crowds, waving and shouting. It's Saturday +evening when they should be in the country. It's jolly decent of them +to come here to give us such a welcome. Flower-girls are here with +their baskets full of flowers--just poor girls with a living to earn. +They run after us as we pass and strew us with roses. Roses! We +stretch out our hands, pressing them to our lips. How long is it since +we held roses in our hands? How did these girls of the London streets +know that above all things we longed for flowers? It was worth it all, +the mud and stench and beastliness, when it was to this that the road +led back. And the girls--they're even better than the flowers; so many +pretty faces made kind by compassion. Somewhere inside ourselves we're +laughing; we're so happy. We don't need any one's pity; time enough +for that when we start to pity ourselves. We feel mean, as though we +were part of a big deception. We aren't half so ill as we look; if you +put sufficient bandages on a wound you can make the healthiest man +appear tragic. We're laughing--and then all of a sudden we're crying. +We press our faces against the pillow ashamed of ourselves. We won't +see the crowds; we're angry with them for having unmanned us. And then +we can't help looking; their love reaches us almost as though it were +the touch of hands. We won't hide ourselves if we mean so much to +them. We're not angry any more, but grateful. + +Suddenly the ambulance-nurse shouts to the driver. The ambulance +stops. She's quite excited. Clutching me with one hand, she points +with the other, "There he is." + +"Who?" + +I raise myself. A naval lieutenant is standing against the pavement, +gazing anxiously at the passing traffic. + +"Your brother, isn't it?" + +I shook my head. "Not half handsome enough." + +For the rest of the journey she's convinced I have a headache. It's no +good telling her that I haven't; much to my annoyance and amusement +she swabs my forehead with eau-de-Cologne, telling me that I shall +soon feel better. + +The streets through which we pass are on the south side of the +Thames. It's Saturday evening. Hawkers' barrows line the kerb; women +with draggled skirts and once gay hats are doing their Sunday +shopping. We're having a kind of triumphant procession; with these +people to feel is to express. We catch some of their remarks: "'Oo! +Look at 'is poor leg!" "My, but ain't 'e done in shockin'!" + +Dear old London--so kind, so brave, so frankly human! You're just like +the chaps at the Front--you laugh when you suffer and give when you're +starving; you never know when not to be generous. You wear your heart +in your eyes and your lips are always ready for kissing, I think of +you as one of your own flower-girls--hoarse of voice, slatternly as to +corsets, with a big tumbled fringe over your forehead, and a heart so +big that you can chuck away your roses to a wounded Tommy and go away +yourself with an empty basket to sleep under an archway. Do you wonder +that to us you spell Blighty? We love you. + +We come to a neighbourhood more respectable and less demonstrative, +skirt a common, are stopped at a porter's lodge and turn into a +parkland. The glow of sunset is ended; the blue-grey of twilight is +settling down. Between flowered borders we pick our way, pause here +and there for directions and at last halt. Again the stretcher-bearers! +As I am carried in I catch a glimpse of a low bungalow-building, with +others like it dotted about beneath trees. There are red shaded lamps. +Every one tiptoes in silence. Only the lips move when people speak; +there is scarcely any sound. As the stretchers are borne down the ward +men shift their heads to gaze after them. It's past ten o'clock and +patients are supposed to be sleeping now. I'm put to bed. There's no +news of my brother; he hasn't 'phoned and hasn't called. I persuade +one of the orderlies to ring up the hotel at which I know he was +staying. The man is a long while gone. Through the dim length of the +ward I watch the door into the garden, momentarily expecting the +familiar figure in the blue uniform and gold buttons to enter. He +doesn't. Then at length the orderly returns to tell me that the naval +lieutenant who was staying at the hotel, had to set out for his ship +that evening, as there was no train that he could catch on Sunday. So +he was steaming out of London for the North at the moment I was +entering. Disappointed? Yes. One shrugs his shoulders. _C'est la +guerre_, as we say in the trenches. You can't have everything when +Europe's at war. + +I can hardly keep awake long enough for the sister to dress my +arm. The roses that the flower-girls had thrown me are in water and +within handstretch. They seem almost persons and curiously +sacred--symbols of all the heroism and kindness that has ministered to +me every step of the journey. It's a good little war I think to +myself. Then, with the green smell of England in my nostrils and the +rumbling of London in my ears, like conversation below stairs, I +drowse off into the utter contentment of the first deep sleep I have +had since I was wounded. + +I am roused all too soon by some one sticking a thermometer into my +mouth. Rubbing my eyes, I consult my watch. Half-past five! Rather +early! Raising myself stealthily, I catch a glimpse of a neat little +sister darting down the ward from bed to bed, tent-pegging every +sleeping face with a fresh thermometer. Having made the round, back +she comes to take possession of my hand while she counts my pulse. I +try to speak, but she won't let me remove the accursed thermometer; +when she has removed it herself, off she goes to the next bed. I +notice that she has auburn hair, merry blue eyes and a ripping Irish +accent. I learn later that she's a Sinn Feiner, a sworn enemy to +England who sings "Dark Rosaleen" and other rebel songs in the secret +watches of the night. It seems to me that in taking care of England's +wounded she's solving the Irish problem pretty well. + +Heavens, she's back again, this time with a bowl of water and a towel! +Very severely and thoroughly, as though I were a dirty urchin, she +scrubs my face and hands. She even brushes my hair. I watch her do the +same for other patients, some of whom are Colonels and old enough to +be her father. She's evidently in no mood for proposals of marriage at +this early hour, for her technique is impartially severe to everybody, +though her blue eyes are unfailingly laughing. + +It is at this point that somebody crawls out of bed, slips into a +dressing-gown, passes through the swing door at the end of the ward +and sets the bath-water running. The sound of it is ecstatic. + +Very soon others follow his example. They're chaps without legs, with +an arm gone, a hand gone, back wounds, stomach wounds, holes in the +head. They start chaffing one another. There's no hint of tragedy. A +gale of laughter sweeps the ward from end to end. An Anzac captain is +called on for a speech. I discover that he is our professional comic +man and is called on to make speeches twenty times a day. They always +start with, "Gentlemen, I will say this--" and end with a flourish in +praise of Australia. Soon the ward is made perilous by wheel-chairs, +in which unskilful pilots steer themselves out into the green +adventure of the garden. Birds are singing out there; the guns had +done for the birds in the places where we came from. Through open +doors we can see the glow of flowers, dew-laden and sparkling, lazily +unfolding their petals in the early sun. + +When the sister's back is turned, a one-legged officer nips out of bed +and hops like a crow to the gramophone. The song that follows is a +favourite. Curious that it should be, for it paints a dream which to +many of these mutilated men--Canadians, Australians, South Africans, +Imperials--will have to remain only a dream, so long as life +lasts. Girls don't marry fellows without arms and legs--at least they +didn't in peace days before the world became heroic. As the gramophone +commences to sing, heads on pillows hum the air and fingers tap in +time on the sheets. It's a peculiarly childish song for men who have +seen what they have seen and done what they have done, to be so fond +of. Here's the way it runs:-- + +"We'll have a little cottage in a little town + And well have a little mistress in a dainty gown, + A little doggie, a little cat, + A little doorstep with WELCOME on the mat; + And we'll have a little trouble and a little strife, + But none of these things matter when you've got a little wife. + We shall be as happy as the angels up above + With a little patience and a lot of love." + +A little patience and a lot of love! I suppose that's the line that's +caught the chaps. Behind all their smiling and their boyish gaiety +they know that they'll need both patience and love to meet the balance +of existence with sweetness and soldierly courage. It won't be so easy +to be soldiers when they get back into mufti and go out into the world +cripples. Here in their pyjamas in the summer sun, they're making a +first class effort. I take another look at them. No, there'll never be +any whining from men such as these. + +Some of us will soon be back in the fighting--and jolly glad of +it. Others are doomed to remain in the trenches for the rest of their +lives--not the trenches of the front-line where they've been strafed +by the Hun, but the trenches of physical curtailment where self-pity +will launch wave after wave of attack against them. It won't be easy +not to get the "wind up." It'll be difficult to maintain normal +cheerfulness. But they're not the men they were before they went to +war--out there they've learnt something. They're game. They'll remain +soldiers, whatever happens. + + + + +THE LADS AWAY + + + All the lads have gone out to play + At being soldiers, far away; + They won't be back for many a day, + And some won't be back any morning. + + All the lassies who laughing were + When hearts were light and lads were here, + Go sad-eyed, wandering hither and there-- + They pray and they watch for the morning. + + Every house has its vacant bed + And every night, when sounds are dead, + Some woman yearns for the pillowed head + Of him who marched out in the morning. + + Of all the lads who've gone out to play + There's some'll return and some who'll stay; + There's some will be back 'most any day-- + But some won't wake up in the morning. + + + + +II + +THE GROWING OF THE VISION + + +I'm continuing in America the book which I thought out during the +golden July and August days when I lay in the hospital in London. I've +been here a fortnight; everything that's happened seems unbelievably +wonderful, as though it had happened to some one other than +myself. It'll seem still more wonderful in a few weeks' time when I'm +where I hope I shall be--back in the mud at the Front. + +Here's how this miraculous turn of events occurred. When I went +before my medical board I was declared unfit for active service for at +least two months. A few days later I went in to General Headquarters +to see what were the chances of a trip to New York. The officer whom I +consulted pulled out his watch, "It's noon now. There's a boat-train +leaving Euston in two and a half hours. Do you think you can pack up +and make it?" + +_Did I think_! + +"You watch me," I cried. + +Dashing out into Regent Street I rounded up a taxi and raced about +London like one possessed, collecting kit, visiting tailors, +withdrawing money, telephoning friends with whom I had dinner and +theatre engagements. It's an extraordinary characteristic of the Army, +but however hurried an officer may be, he can always spare time to +visit his tailor. The fare I paid my taxi-driver was too monstrous for +words; but then he'd missed his lunch, and one has to miss so many +things in war-times that when a new straw of inconvenience is piled on +the camel, the camel expects to be compensated. Anyway, I was on that +boat-train when it pulled out of London. + +I was in uniform when I arrived in New York, for I didn't possess any +mufti. You can't guess what a difference that made to one's +home-coming--not the being in uniform, but the knowing that it wasn't +an offence to wear it. On my last leave, some time ago before I went +overseas, if I'd tried to cross the border from Canada in uniform I'd +have been turned back; if by any chance I'd got across and worn +regimentals I'd have been arrested by the first Irish policeman. A +place isn't home where you get turned back or locked up for wearing +the things of which you're proudest. If America hadn't come into the +war none of us who have loved her and since been to the trenches, +would ever have wanted to return. + +But she's home now as she never was before and never could have been +under any other circumstances--now that khaki strides unabashed down +Broadway and the skirl of the pipers has been heard on Fifth +Avenue. We men "over there" will have to find a new name for +America. It won't be exactly Blighty, but a kind of very wealthy first +cousin to Blighty--a word meaning something generous and affectionate +and steam-heated, waiting for us on the other side of the Atlantic. + +Two weeks here already--two weeks more to go; then back to the glory +of the trenches! + +There's one person I've missed since my return to New York. I've +caught glimpses of him disappearing around corners, but he dodges. I +think he's a bit ashamed to meet me. That person is my old civilian +self. What a full-blown egoist he used to be! How full of golden plans +for his own advancement! How terrified of failure, of disease, of +money losses, of death--of all the temporary, external, non-essential +things that have nothing to do with the spirit! War is in itself +damnable--a profligate misuse of the accumulated brain-stuff of +centuries. Nevertheless, there's many a man who has no love of war, +who previous to the war had cramped his soul with littleness and was +chased by the bayonet of duty into the blood-stained largeness of the +trenches, who has learnt to say, "Thank God for this war." He thanks +God not because of the carnage, but because when the wine-press of new +ideals was being trodden, he was born in an age when he could do his +share. + +America's going through just about the same experience as +myself. She's feeling broader in the chest, bigger in the heart and +her eyes are clearer. When she catches sight of the America that she +was, she's filled with doubt--she can't believe that that person with +the Stars and Stripes wrapped round her and a money-bag in either hand +ever was herself. Home, clean and honourable for every man who ever +loved her and has pledged his life for an ideal with the +Allies--that's what she's become now. + +I read again the words that I wrote about those chaps in the London +hospital, men who had journeyed to their Calvary glad-hearted from the +farthest corners of the world. From this distance I see them in truer +perspective than when we lay companions side by side in that long line +of neat, white cots. I used to grope after ways to explain them--to +explain the courage which in their utter heroism they did not realise +they possessed. They had grown so accustomed to a brave way of living +that they sincerely believed they were quite ordinary persons. That's +courage at its finest--when it becomes unconscious and instinctive. + +At first I said, "I know why they're so cheerful--it's because they're +all here in one ward together. They're all mutilated more or less, so +they don't feel that they're exceptional. It's as though the whole +world woke up with toothache one morning. At breakfast every one would +be feeling very sorry for himself; by lunch-time, when it had become +common knowledge that the entire world had the same kind of ache, +toothache would have ceased to exist. It's the loneliness of being +abnormal in your suffering that hurts." + +But it wasn't that. Even while I was confined to the hospital, in +hourly contact with the chaps, I felt that it wasn't that. When I was +allowed to dress and go down West for a few hours everyday, I knew +that I was wrong most certainly. In Piccadilly, Hyde Park, theatres, +restaurants, river-places on the Thames you'd see them, these men who +were maimed for life, climbing up and down buses, hobbling on their +crutches independently through crowds, hailing one another cheerily +from taxis, drinking life joyously in big gulps without complaint or +sense of martyrdom, and getting none of the dregs. A part of their +secret was that through their experience in the trenches they had +learnt to be self-forgetful. The only time I ever saw a wounded man +lose his temper was when some one out of kindness made him remember +himself. A sudden down-pour of rain had commenced; it was towards +evening and all the employees of the West End shopping centre were +making haste to get home to the suburbs. A young Highland officer who +had lost a leg scrambled into a bus going to Wandsworth. The inside of +the bus was jammed, so he had to stand up clutching on to a strap. A +middle-aged gentleman rose from his seat and offered it to the +Highlander. The Highlander smiled his thanks and shook his head. The +middle-aged gentleman in his sympathy became pressing, attracting +attention to the officer's infirmity. It was then that the officer +lost his temper. I saw him flush. + +"I don't want it," he said sharply. "There's nothing the matter with +me. Thanks all the same. I'll stand." + +This habit of being self-forgetful gives one time to be remindful of +others. Last January, during a brief and glorious ten days' leave, I +went to a matinee at the Coliseum. Vesta Tilley was doing an +extraordinarily funny impersonation of a Tommy just home from the +comfort of the trenches; her sketch depicted the terrible discomforts +of a fighting man on leave in Blighty. If I remember rightly the +refrain of her song ran somewhat in this fashion: + +"Next time they want to give me six days' leave + Let 'em make it six months' 'ard." + +There were two officers, a major and a captain, behind us; judging by +the sounds they made, they were getting their full money's worth of +enjoyment. In the interval, when the lights went up, I turned and saw +the captain putting a cigarette between the major's lips; then, having +gripped a match-box between his knees so that he might strike the +match, he lit the cigarette for his friend very awkwardly. I looked +closer and discovered that the laughing captain had only one hand and +the equally happy major had none at all. + +Men forget their own infirmities in their endeavour to help each +other. Before the war we had a phrase which has taken on a new meaning +now; we used to talk about "lending a hand." To-day we lend not only +hands, but arms and eyes and legs. The wonderful comradeship learnt in +the trenches has taught men to lend their bodies to each other--out of +two maimed bodies to make up one which is whole, and sound, and +shared. You saw this all the time in hospital. A man who had only one +leg would pal up with a man who had only one arm. The one-armed man +would wheel the one-legged man about the garden in a chair; at +meal-times the one-legged man would cut up the one-armed man's food +for him. They had both lost something, but by pooling what was left +they managed to own a complete body. By the time the war is ended +there'll be great hosts of helpless men who by combining will have +learnt how to become helpful. They'll establish a new standard of +very simple and cheerful socialism. + +There's a point I want to make clear before I forget it. All these +men, whether they're capturing Hun dug-outs at the Front or taking +prisoner their own despair in English hospitals, are perfectly +ordinary and normal. Before the war they were shop-assistants, +cab-drivers, plumbers, lawyers, vaudeville artists. They were men of +no heroic training. Their civilian callings and their previous social +status were too various for any one to suppose that they were heroes +ready-made at birth. Something has happened to them since they marched +away in khaki--something that has changed them. They're as completely +re-made as St. Paul was after he had had his vision of the opening +heavens on the road to Damascus. They've brought their vision back +with them to civilian life, despite the lost arms and legs which they +scarcely seem to regret; their souls still triumph over the body and +the temporal. As they hobble through the streets of London, they +display the same gay courage that was theirs when at zero hour, with a +fifty-fifty chance of death, they hopped over the top for the attack. + +Often at the Front I have thought of Christ's explanation of his own +unassailable peace--an explanation given to his disciples at the Last +Supper, immediately before the walk to Gethsemane: "Be of good cheer, +I have overcome the world." Overcoming the world, as I understand it, +is overcoming self. Fear, in its final analysis, is nothing but +selfishness. A man who is afraid in an attack, isn't thinking of his +pals and how quickly terror spreads; he isn't thinking of the glory +which will accrue to his regiment or division if the attack is a +success; he isn't thinking of what he can do to contribute to that +success; he isn't thinking of the splendour of forcing his spirit to +triumph over weariness and nerves and the abominations that the Huns +are chucking at him. He's thinking merely of how he can save his +worthless skin and conduct his entirely unimportant body to a place +where there aren't any shells. + +In London as I saw the work-a-day, unconscious nobility of the maimed +and wounded, the words, "I have overcome the world," took an added +depth. All these men have an "I-have-overcome-the-world" look in their +faces. It's comparatively easy for a soldier with traditions and +ideals at his back to face death calmly; to be calm in the face of +life, as these chaps are, takes a graver courage. + +What has happened to change them? These disabilities, had they +happened before the war, would have crushed and embittered them. They +would have been woes utterly and inconsolably unbearable. +Intrinsically their physical disablements spell the same loss to-day +that they would have in 1912. The attitude of mind in which they are +accepted alone makes them seem less. This attitude of mind or +greatness of soul--whatever you like to call it--was learnt in the +trenches where everything outward is polluted and damnable. Their +experience at the Front has given them what in the Army language is +known as "guts." "Guts" or courage is an attitude of mind towards +calamity--an attitude of mind which makes the honourable accomplishing +of duty more permanently satisfying than the preservation of self. But +how did this vision come to these men? How did they rid themselves of +their civilian flabbiness and acquire it? These questions are best +answered autobiographically. Here briefly, is the story of the growth +of the vision within myself. + +In August, 1914, three days after war had been declared, I sailed from +Quebec for England on the first ship that put out from Canada. The +trip had been long planned--it was not undertaken from any patriotic +motive. My family, which included my father, mother, sister and +brother, had been living in America for eight years and had never +returned to England together. It was the accomplishing of a dream +long cherished, which favourable circumstances and a sudden influx of +money had at last made possible. We had travelled three thousand miles +from our ranch in the Rockies before the war-cloud burst; obstinacy +and curiosity combined made us go on, plus an entirely British feeling +that by crossing the Atlantic during the crisis we'd be showing our +contempt for the Germans. + +We were only informed that the ship was going to sail at the very last +moment, and went aboard in the evening. The word spread quickly among +the crews of other vessels lying in harbour; their firemen, keen to +get back to England and have a whack at the Huns, tried to board our +ship, sometimes by a ruse, more often by fighting. One saw some very +pretty fist work that night as he leant across the rail, wondering +whether he'd ever reach the other side. There were rumours of German +warships waiting to catch us in mid-ocean. Somewhere towards midnight +the would-be stowaways gave up their attempt to force a passage; they +squatted with their backs against the sheds along the quayside, +singing patriotic songs to the accompaniment of mouth-organs, +confidently asserting that they were sons of the bull-dog breed and +never, never would be slaves. It was all very amusing; war seemed to +be the finest of excuses for an outburst of high spirits. + +Next morning, when we came on deck for a breath of air the vessel was +under way; all hands were hard at work disguising her with paint of a +sombre colour. Here and there you saw an officer in uniform, who had +not yet had time to unpack his mufti. The next night, and for the rest +of the voyage, all port-holes were darkened and we ran without +lights. An atmosphere of suspense became omnipresent. Rumours spread +like wild-fire of sinkings, victories, defeats, marching and +countermarchings, engagements on land and water. With the uncanny and +unaccustomed sense of danger we began to realise that we, as +individuals, were involved in a European war. + +As we got about among the passengers we found that the usual spirit of +comradeship which marks an Atlantic voyage, was noticeably lacking. +Every person regarded every other person with distrust, as though he +might be a spy. People were secretive as to their calling and the +purpose of their voyage; little by little we discovered that many of +them were government officials, but that most were professional +soldiers rushing back in the hope that they might be in time to join +the British Expeditionary Force. Long before we had guessed that a +world tragedy was impending, they had judged war's advent certain from +its shadow, and had come from the most distant parts of Canada that +they might be ready to embark the moment the cloud burst. Some of +them were travelling with their wives and children. What struck me as +wholly unreasonable was that these professional soldiers and their +families were the least disturbed people on board. I used to watch +them as one might watch condemned prisoners in their cells. Their +apparent indifference was unintelligible to me. They lived their +daily present, contented and unruffled, just as if it were going to be +their present always. I accused them of being lacking in imagination. +I saw them lying dead on battlefields. I saw them dragging on into old +age, with the spine of life broken, mutilated and mauled. I saw them +in desperately tight corners, fighting in ruined villages with sword +and bayonet. But they joked, laughed, played with their kiddies and +seemed to have no realisation of the horrors to which they were +going. There was a world-famous aviator, who had gone back on his +marriage promise that he would abandon his aerial adventures. He was +hurrying to join the French Flying Corps. He and his young wife used +to play deck-tennis every morning as lightheartedly as if they were +travelling to Europe for a lark. In my many accusations of these men's +indifference I never accused them of courage. Courage, as I had +thought of it up to that time, was a grim affair of teeth set, sad +eyes and clenched hands--the kind of "My head is bloody but unbowed" +determination described in Henley's poem. + +When we had arrived safe in port we were held up for some time. A tug +came out, bringing a lot of artificers who at once set to work tearing +out the fittings of the ship that she might be converted into a +transport. Here again I witnessed a contrast between the soldierly and +the civilian attitude. The civilians, with their easily postponed +engagements, fumed and fretted at the delay in getting ashore. The +officers took the inconvenience with philosophical good-humour. While +the panelling and electric-light fittings were being ripped out, they +sat among the debris and played cards. There was heaps of time for +their appointment--it was only with wounds and Death. To me, as a +civilian, their coolness was almost irritating and totally +incomprehensible. I found a new explanation by saying that, after +all, war was their professional chance--in fact, exactly what a +shortage in the flour-market was to a man who had quantities of wheat +on hand. + +That night we travelled to London, arriving about two o'clock in the +morning. There was little to denote that a European war was on, except +that people were a trifle more animated and cheerful. The next day was +Sunday, and we motored round Hampstead Heath. The Heath was as usual, +gay with pleasure-seekers and the streets sedate with church-goers. On +Monday, when we tried to transact business and exchange money, we +found that there were hitches and difficulties; it was more as though +a window had been left open and a certain untidiness had resulted. "It +will be all right tomorrow," everybody said. "Business as usual," and +they nodded. + +But as the days passed it wasn't all right. Kitchener began to call +for his army. Belgium was invaded. We began to hear about atrocities. +There were rumours of defeat, which ceased to be rumours, and of grey +hordes pressing towards Paris. It began to dawn on the most optimistic +of us that the little British Army--the Old Contemptibles--hadn't gone +to France on a holiday jaunt. + +The sternness of the hour was brought home to me by one obscure +incident. Straggling across Trafalgar Square in mufti and commanded by +a sergeant came a little procession of recruits. They were roughly +dressed men of the navy and the coster class. All save one carried +under his arm his worldly possessions, wrapped in cloth, brown-paper +or anything that had come handy. The sergeant kept on giving them the +step and angrily imploring them to pick it up. At the tail of the +procession followed a woman; she also carried a package. + +They turned into the Strand, passed by Charing Cross and branched off +to the right down a lane to the Embankment. At the point where they +left the Strand, the man without a parcel spoke to the sergeant and +fell out of the ranks. He laid his clumsy hand on the woman's arm; she +set down on the pavement the parcel she had been carrying. There they +stood for a full minute gazing at each other dumbly, oblivious to the +passing crowds. She wasn't pleasing to look at--just a slum woman with +draggled skirts, a shawl gathered tightly round her and a mildewed +kind of bonnet. He was no more attractive--a hulking Samson, perhaps a +day-labourer, who whilst he had loved her, had probably beaten her. +They had come to the hour of parting, and there they stood in the +London sunshine inarticulate after life together. He glanced after the +procession; it was two hundred yards away by now. Stooping awkwardly +for the burden which she had carried for him, in a shame-faced kind of +way he kissed her; then broke from her to follow his companions. She +watched him forlornly, her hands hanging empty. Never once did he look +back as he departed. Catching up, he took his place in the ranks; they +rounded a corner and were lost. Her eyes were quite dry; her jaw +sagged stupidly. For some seconds she stared after the way he had +gone--_her man_! Then she wandered off as one who had no purpose. + +Wounded men commenced to appear in the streets. You saw them in +restaurants, looking happy and embarrassed, being paraded by proud +families. One day I met two in my tailor's shop--one had an arm in a +sling, the other's head had been seared by a bullet. It was whispered +that they were officers who had "got it" at Mons. A thrill ran through +me--a thrill of hero-worship. + +At the Empire Music Hall in Leicester Square, tragedy bared its broken +teeth and mouthed at me. We had reached the stage at which we had +become intensely patriotic by the singing of songs. A beautiful +actress, who had no thought of doing "her bit" herself, attired as +Britannia, with a colossal Union Jack for background, came before the +footlights and sang the recruiting song of the moment, + +"We don't want to lose you + But we think you ought to go." + +Some one else recited a poem calculated to shame men into immediate +enlistment, two lines of which I remember: + +"I wasn't among the first to go + But I went, thank God, I went." + +The effect of such urging was to make me angry. I wasn't going to be +rushed into khaki on the spur of an emotion picked up in a music-hall. +I pictured the comfortable gentlemen, beyond the military age, who had +written these heroic taunts, had gained reputation by so doing, and +all the time sat at home in suburban security. The people who recited +or sung their effusions, made me equally angry; they were making +sham-patriotism a means of livelihood and had no intention of doing +their part. All the world that by reason of age or sex was exempt from +the ordeal of battle, was shoving behind all the rest of the world +that was not exempt, using the younger men as a shield against his own +terror and at the same time calling them cowards. That was how I felt. +I told myself that if I went--and the _if_ seemed very remote--I +should go on a conviction and not because of shoving. They could hand +me as many white feathers as they liked, I wasn't going to be swept +away by the general hysteria. Besides, where would be the sense in +joining? Everybody said that our fellows would be home for Christmas. +Our chaps who were out there ought to know; in writing home they +promised it themselves. + +The next part of the music-hall performance was moving pictures of the +Germans' march into Brussels. I was in the Promenade and had noticed a +Belgian soldier being made much of by a group of Tommies. He was a +queer looking fellow, with a dazed expression and eyes that seemed to +focus on some distant horror; his uniform was faded and +torn--evidently it had seen active service. I wondered by what strange +fortune he had been conveyed from the brutalities of invasion to this +gilded, plush-seated sensation-palace in Leicester Square. + +I watched the screen. Through ghastly photographic boulevards the +spectre conquerors marched. They came on endlessly, as though +somewhere out of sight a human dam had burst, whose deluge would never +be stopped. I tried to catch the expressions of the men, wondering +whether this or that or the next had contributed his toll of violated +women and butchered children to the list of Hun atrocities. Suddenly +the silence of the theatre was startled by a low, infuriated growl, +followed by a shriek which was hardly human. I have since heard the +same kind of sounds when the stumps of the mutilated are being dressed +and the pain has become intolerable. Everybody turned in their +seats--gazing through the dimness to a point in the Promenade near to +where I was. The ghosts on the screen were forgotten. The faked +patriotism of the songs we had listened to had become a thing of +naught. Through the welter of bombast, excitement and emotion we had +grounded on reality. + +The Belgian soldier, in his tattered uniform, was leaning out, as +though to bridge the space that divided him from his ghostly +tormentors. The dazed look was gone from his expression and his eyes +were focussed in the fixity of a cruel purpose--to kill, and kill, and +kill the smoke-grey hordes of tyrants so long as his life should +last. He shrieked imprecations at them, calling upon God and snatching +epithets from the gutter in his furious endeavour to curse them. He +was dragged away by friends in khaki, overpowered, struggling, +smothered but still cursing. + +I learnt afterwards that he, with his mother and two brothers, had +been the proprietors of one of the best hotels in Brussels. Both his +brothers had been called to arms and were dead. Anything might have +happened to his mother--he had not heard from her. He himself had +escaped in the general retreat and was going back to France as +interpreter with an English regiment. He had lost everything; it was +the sight of his ruined hotel, flung by chance on the screen, that had +provoked his demonstration. He was dead to every emotion except +revenge--to accomplish which he was returning. + +The moving-pictures still went on; nobody had the heart to see more of +them. The house rose, fumbling for its coats and hats; the place was +soon empty. + +Just as I was leaving a recruiting sergeant touched my elbow, "Going +to enlist, sonny?" + +I shook my head. "Not to-night. Want to think it over." + +"You will," he said. "Don't wait too long. We can make a man of +you. If I get you in my squad I'll give you hell." + +I didn't doubt it. + +I don't know that I'm telling these events in their proper sequence as +they led up to the growing of the vision. That doesn't matter--the +point is that the conviction was daily strengthening that I was needed +out there. The thought was grotesque that I could ever make a +soldier--I whose life from the day of leaving college had been almost +wholly sedentary. In fights at school I could never hurt the other boy +until by pain he had stung me into madness. Moreover, my idea of war +was grimly graphic; I thought it consisted of a choice between +inserting a bayonet into some one else's stomach or being yourself the +recipient. I had no conception of the long-distance, anonymous killing +that marks our modern methods, and is in many respects more truly +awful. It's a fact that there are hosts of combatants who have never +once identified the bodies of those for whose death they are +personally responsible. My ideas of fighting were all of hand-to-hand +encounters--the kind of bloody fighting that rejoiced the hearts of +pirates. I considered that it took a brutal kind of man to do such +work. For myself I felt certain that, though I got the upper-hand of a +fellow who had tried to murder me, I should never have the callousness +to return the compliment. The thought of shedding blood was +nauseating. + +It was partly to escape from this atmosphere of tension that we left +London, and set out on a motor-trip through England. This trip had +figured largely in our original plans before there had been any +thought of war. We wanted to re-visit the old places that had been the +scenes of our family-life and childhood. Months before sailing out of +Quebec we had studied guidebooks, mapping out routes and hotels. With +about half a ton of gasolene on the roof to guard against +contingencies, we started. + +Everywhere we went, from Cornwall to the North, men were training and +marching. All the bridges and reservoirs were guarded. Every tiniest +village had its recruiting posters for Kitchener's Army. It was a trip +utterly different from the one we had expected. + +At Stratford in the tap-room of Shakespeare's favourite tavern I met +an exceptional person--a man who was afraid, and had the courage to +speak the truth as millions at that time felt it. An American was +present--a vast and fleshy man: a transatlantic version of Falstaff. +He had just escaped from Paris and was giving us an account of how he +had hired a car, had driven as near the fighting-line as he could get +and had seen the wounded coming out. He had risked the driver's life +and expended large sums of money merely to gratify his curiosity. He +mopped his brow and told us that he had aged ten years--folks in +Philadelphia would hardly know him; but it was all worth it. The +details which he embroidered and dwelt upon were ghastly. He was +particularly impressed with having seen a man with his nose off. His +description held us horrified and spell-bound. + +In the midst of his oratory an officer entered, bringing with him five +nervous young fellows. They were self-conscious, excited, +over-wrought and belonged to the class of the lawyer's clerk. The +officer had evidently been working them up to the point of enlistment, +and hoped to complete the job that evening over a sociable glass. As +his audience swelled, the fat man from Philadelphia grew exceedingly +vivid. When appealed to by the recruiting officer, he confirmed the +opinion that every Englishman of fighting age should be in France; +that's where the boys of America would be if their country were in the +same predicament. Four out of the five intended victims applauded this +sentiment--they applauded too boisterously for complete sincerity, +because they felt that they could do no less. The fifth, a scholarly, +pale-faced fellow, drew attention to himself by his silence. + +"You're going to join, too, aren't you?" the recruiting officer asked. + +The pale-faced man swallowed. There was no doubt that he was +scared. The American's morbid details had been enough to frighten +anybody. He was so frightened that he had the pluck to tell the +truth. + +"I'd like to," he hesitated, "but----. I've got an imagination. I +should see things as twice as horrible. I should live through every +beastliness before it occurred. When it did happen, I should turn +coward. I should run away, and you'd shoot me as a deserter. I'd +like--not yet, I can't." + +He was the bravest man in the tap-room that night. If he's still +alive, he probably wears decorations. He was afraid, just as every one +else was afraid; but he wasn't sufficiently a coward to lie about his +terror. His voice was the voice of millions at that hour. + +A day came when England's jeopardy was brought home to her. I don't +remember the date, but I remember it was a Sabbath. We had pulled up +before a village post office to get the news; it was pasted behind the +window against the glass. We read, "_Boulogne has fallen_." The news +was false; but it wasn't contradicted till next day. Meanwhile, in +that quiet village, over and above the purring of the engine, we heard +the beat of Death's wings across the Channel--a gigantic vulture +approaching which would pick clean of vileness the bones of both the +actually and the spiritually dead. I knew then for certain that it was +only a matter of time till I, too, should be out there among the +carnage, "somewhere in France." I felt like a rabbit in the last of +the standing corn, when a field is in the harvesting. There was no +escape--I could hear the scythes of an inexorable duty cutting closer. + +After about six weeks in England, I travelled back to New York with my +family to complete certain financial obligations and to set about the +winding up of my affairs. I said nothing to any one as to my +purpose. The reason for my silence is now obvious: I didn't want to +commit myself to other people and wished to leave myself a loop-hole +for retracting the promises I had made my conscience. There were times +when my heart seemed to stop beating, appalled by the future which I +was rapidly approaching. My vivid imagination--which from childhood +has been as much a hindrance as a help--made me foresee myself in +every situation of horror--gassed, broken, distributed over the +landscape. Luckily it made me foresee the worst horror--the ignominy +of living perhaps fifty years with a self who was dishonoured and had +sunk beneath his own best standards. Of course there were also moments +of exaltation when the boy-spirit of adventure loomed large; it seemed +splendidly absurd that I was going to be a soldier, a companion-in-arms +of those lordly chaps who had fought at Senlac, sailed with Drake and +saved the day for freedom at Mons. Whether I was exalted or depressed, +a power stronger than myself urged me to work feverishly to the end +that, at the first opportunity, I might lay aside my occupation, with +all my civilian obligations discharged. + +When that time came, my first difficulty was in communicating my +decision to my family; my second, in getting accepted in Canada. I was +perhaps more ignorant than most people about things military. I had +not the slightest knowledge as to the functions of the different arms +of the service; infantry, artillery, engineers, A.S.C.--they all +connoted just as much and as little. I had no qualifications. I had +never handled fire-arms. My solitary useful accomplishment was that I +could ride a horse. It seemed to me that no man ever was less fitted +for the profession of killing. I was painfully conscious of +self-ridicule whenever I offered myself for the job. I offered myself +several times and in different quarters; when at last I was granted a +commission in the Canadian Field Artillery it was by pure +good-fortune. I didn't even know what guns were used and, if informed, +shouldn't have had the least idea what an eighteen-pounder +was. Nevertheless, within seven months I was out in France, taking +part in an offensive which, up to that time, was the most ambitious of +the entire war. + +From New York I went to Kingston in Ontario to present myself for +training; an officers' class had just started, in which I had been +ordered to enrol myself. It was the depth of winter--an unusually hard +winter even for that part of Canada. My first glimpse of the Tete du +Pont Barracks was of a square of low buildings, very much like the +square of a Hudson Bay Fort. The parade ground was ankle-deep in +trampled snow and mud. A bleak wind was blowing from off the +river. Squads of embryo officers were being drilled by hoarse-voiced +sergeants. The officers looked cold, and cowed, and foolish; the +sergeants employed ruthlessly the age-old army sarcasms and made no +effort to disguise their disgust for these officers and "temporary +gentlemen." + +I was directed to an office where a captain sat writing at a desk, +while an orderly waited rigidly at attention. The captain looked up as +I entered, took in my spats and velour hat with an impatient glance, +and continued with his writing. When I got an opportunity I presented +my letter; he read it through irritably. + +"Any previous military experience?" + +"None at all." + +"Then how d'you expect to pass out with this class? It's been going +for nearly two weeks already?" + +Again, as though he had dismissed me from his mind, he returned to his +writing. From a military standpoint I knew that I was justly a figure +of naught; but I also felt that he was rubbing it in a trifle hard. I +was too recent a recruit to have lost my civilian self-respect. At +last, after a period of embarrassed silence, I asked, "What am I to +do? To whom do I report?" + +Without looking up he told me to report on the parade ground at six +o'clock the following morning. When I got back to my hotel, I +reflected on the chilliness of my reception. I had taken no credit to +myself for enlisting--I knew that I ought to have joined months +before. But six o'clock! I glanced across at the station, where trains +were pulling out for New York; for a moment I was tempted. But not for +long; I couldn't trust the hotel people to wake me, so I went out and +purchased an alarm clock. + +That night I didn't sleep much. I was up and dressed by five-thirty. I +hid beneath the shadow of a wall near the barracks and struck matches +to look at my watch. At ten minutes to six the street was full of +unseen, hurrying feet which sounded ghostly in the darkness. I +followed them into the parade-ground. The parade was falling in, rolls +were being called by the aid of flash-lamps. I caught hold of an +officer; for all I knew he might have been a General or Colonel. I +asked his advice, when I had blundered out my story. He laughed and +said I had better return to my hotel; the class was going to stables +and there was no one at that hour to whom I could report. + +The words of the sergeant at the Empire came back to me, "And I'll +give you hell if I get you in my squad." I understood then: this was +the first attempt of the Army to break my heart--an attempt often +repeated and an attempt for which, from my present point of vantage, I +am intensely grateful. In those days the Canadian Overseas Forces were +comprised of volunteers; it wasn't sufficient to express a tepid +willingness to die for your country--you had to prove yourself +determined and eligible for death through your power to endure +hardship. + +When I had been medically examined, passed as fit, had donned a +uniform and commenced my training, I learnt what the enduring of +hardship was. No experience on active service has equalled the +humiliation and severity of those first months of soldiering. We were +sneered at, cleaned stables, groomed horses, rode stripped saddle for +twelve miles at the trot, attended lectures, studied till past +midnight and were up on first parade at six o'clock. No previous +civilian efficiency or prominence stood us in any stead. We started +robbed of all importance, and only gained a new importance by our +power to hang on and to develop a new efficiency as soldiers. When +men "went sick" they were labelled scrimshankers and struck off the +course. It was an offence to let your body interfere with your duty; +if it tried to, you must ignore it. If a man caught cold in Kingston, +what would he not catch in the trenches? Very many went down under the +physical ordeal; of the class that started, I don't think more than a +third passed. The lukewarm soldier and the pink-tea hero, who simply +wanted to swank in a uniform, were effectually choked off. It was a +test of pluck, even more than of strength or intelligence--the same +test that a man would be subjected to all the time at the Front. In a +word it sorted out the fellows who had "guts." + +"Guts" isn't a particularly polite word, but I have come increasingly +to appreciate its splendid significance. The possessor of this much +coveted quality is the kind of idiot who, + + "When his legs are smitten off + Will fight upon his stumps." + +The Tommies, whom we were going to command, would be like that; if we +weren't like it, we wouldn't be any good as officers. This Artillery +School had a violent way of sifting out a man's moral worth; you +hadn't much conceit left by the end of it. I had not felt myself so +paltry since the day when I was left at my first boarding-school in +knickerbockers. + +After one had qualified and been appointed to a battery, there was +still difficulty in getting to England. I was lucky, and went over +early with a draft of officers who had been cabled for as +reinforcements. I had been in England a bare three weeks when my name +was posted as due to go to France. + +How did I feel? Nervous, of course, but also intensely eager. I may +have been afraid of wounds and death--I don't remember; I was +certainly nothing like as afraid as I had been before I wore +uniform. My chief fear was that I would be afraid and might show +it. Like the pale-faced chap in the tap-room at Stratford, I had +fleeting glimpses of myself being shot as a deserter. + +At this point something happened which at least proved to me that I +had made moral progress. I'd finished my packing and was doing a last +rush round, when I caught in large lettering on a newsboard the +heading, "PEACE RUMOURED." Before I realised what had happened I was +crying. I was furious with disappointment. If the war should end +before I got there--! On buying a paper I assured myself that such a +disaster was quite improbable. I breathed again. Then the reproachful +memory came of another occasion when I had been scared by a headline, +_"Boulogne Has Fallen."_ I had been scared lest I might be needed at +that time; now I was panic-stricken lest I might arrive too late. +There was a change in me; something deep-rooted had happened. I got to +thinking about it. On that motor-trip through England I had considered +myself in the light of a philanthropist, who might come to the help of +the Allies and might not. Now all I asked was to be considered worthy +to do my infinitesimal "bit." I had lost all my old conceits and +hallucinations, and had come to respect myself in a very humble +fashion not for what I was, but for the cause in which I was prepared +to fight. The knowledge that I belonged to the physically fit +contributed to this saner sense of pride; before I wore a uniform I +had had the morbid fear that I might not be up to standard. And then +the uniform! It was the outward symbol of the lost selfishness and the +cleaner honour. It hadn't been paid for; it wouldn't be paid for till +I had lived in the trenches. I was childishly anxious to earn my right +to wear it. I had said "Good-bye" to myself, and had been re-born into +willing sacrifice. I think that was the reason for the difference of +spirit in which I read the two headlines. We've all gone through the +same spiritual gradations, we men who have got to the Front. None of +us know how to express our conversion. All we know is that from being +little circumscribed egoists, we have swamped our identities in a +magnanimous crusade. The venture looked fatal at first; but in losing +the whole world we have gained our own souls. + +On a beautiful day in late summer I sailed for France. England faded +out like a dream behind. Through the haze in mid-Channel a hospital +ship came racing; on her sides were blazoned the scarlet cross. The +next time I came to England I might travel on that racing ship. The +truth sounded like a lie. It seemed far more true that I was going on +my annual pleasure trip to the lazy cities of romance. + +The port at which we disembarked was cheery and almost normal. One saw +a lot of khaki mingling with sky-blue tiger-men of France. Apart from +that one would scarcely have guessed that the greatest war in the +world's history was raging not more than fifty miles away. I slept the +night at a comfortable hotel on the quayside. There was no apparent +shortage; I got everything that I required. Next day I boarded a train +which, I was told, would carry me to the Front. We puffed along in a +leisurely sort of way. The engineer seemed to halt whenever he had a +mind; no matter where he halted, grubby children miraculously appeared +and ran along the bank, demanding from Monsieur Engleeshman +"ceegarettes" and "beescuits." Towards evening we pulled up at a +little town where we had a most excellent meal. No hint of war yet. +Night came down and we found that our carriage had no lights. It must +have been nearing dawn, when I was wakened by the distant thunder of +guns. I crouched in my corner, cold and cramped, trying to visualise +the terror of it. I asked myself whether I was afraid. "Not of Death," +I told myself. "But of being afraid--yes, most horribly." + +At five o'clock we halted at a junction, where a troop-train from the +Front was already at a standstill. Tommies in steel helmets and +muddied to the eyes were swarming out onto the tracks. They looked +terrible men with their tanned cheeks and haggard eyes. I felt how +impractical I was as I watched them--how ill-suited for +campaigning. They were making the most of their respite from +travelling. Some were building little fires between the ties to do +their cooking--their utensils were bayonets and old tomato cans; +others were collecting water from the exhaust of an engine and +shaving. I had already tried to purchase food and had failed, so I +copied their example and set about shaving. + +Later in the day we passed gangs of Hun prisoners--clumsy looking +fellows, with flaxen hair and blue eyes, who seemed to be thanking God +every minute with smiles that they were out of danger and on our side +of the line. Late in the afternoon the engine jumped the rails; we +were advised to wander off to a rest-camp, the direction of which was +sketchily indicated. We found some Australians with a transport-wagon +and persuaded them to help us with our baggage. It had been pouring +heavily, but the clouds had dispersed and a rainbow spanned the sky. I +took it for a sign. + +After trudging about six miles, we arrived at the camp and found that +it was out of food and that all the tents were occupied. We stretched +our sleeping-bags on the ground and went to bed supperless. We had had +no food all day. Next morning we were told that we ought to jump an +ammunition-lorry, if we wanted to get any further on our +journey. Nobody seemed to want us particularly, and no one could give +us the least information as to where our division was. It was another +lesson, if that were needed, of our total unimportance. While we were +waiting on the roadside, an Australian brigade of artillery passed +by. The men's faces were dreary with fatigue; the gunners were +dismounted and marched as in a trance. The harness was muddy, the +steel rusty, the horses lean and discouraged. We understood that they +were pulling out from an offensive in which they had received a bad +cutting up. To my overstrained imagination it seemed that the men had +the vision of death in their eyes. + +Presently we spotted a lorry-driver who had, what George Robey would +call, "a kind and generous face." We took advantage of him, for once +having persuaded him to give us a lift, we froze onto him and made him +cart us about the country all day. We kept him kind and generous, I +regret to say, by buying him wine at far too many estaminets. + +Towards evening the thunder of the guns had swelled into an ominous +roar. We passed through villages disfigured by shell-fire. Civilians +became more rare and more aged. Cattle disappeared utterly from the +landscape; fields were furrowed with abandoned trenches, in front of +which hung entanglements of wire. Mounted orderlies splashed along +sullen roads at an impatient trot. Here and there we came across +improvised bivouacs of infantry. Far away against the horizon towards +which we travelled, Hun flares and rockets were going up. Hopeless +stoicism, unutterable desolation--that was my first impression. + +The landscape was getting increasingly muddy--it became a sea of +mud. Despatch-riders on motor-bikes travelled warily, with their feet +dragging to save themselves from falling. Everything was splashed +with filth and corruption; one marvelled at the cleanness of the +sky. Trees were blasted, and seemed to be sinking out of sight in this +war-created Slough of Despond. We came to the brow of a hill; in the +valley was something that I recognised. The last time I had seen it +was in an etching in a shop window in Newark, New Jersey. It was a +town, from the midst of whose battered ruins a splintered tower soared +against the sky. Leaning far out from the tower, so that it seemed she +must drop, was a statue of the Virgin with the Christ in her arms. It +was a superstition with the French, I remembered, that so long as she +did not fall, things would go well with the Allies. As we watched, a +shell screamed over the gaping roofs and a column of smoke went up. +Gehenna, being blessed by the infant Jesus--that was what I saw. + +As we entered the streets, Tommies more polluted than miners crept out +from the skeletons of houses. They leant listlessly against sagging +doorways to watch us pass. If we asked for information as to where our +division was, they shook their heads stupidly, too indifferent with +weariness to reply. We found the Town Mayor; all that he could tell us +was that our division wasn't here yet, but was expected any +day--probably it was still on the line of march. Our lorry-driver was +growing impatient. We wrote him out a note which would explain his +wanderings, got him to deposit us near a Y. M. C. A. tent, and bade +him an uncordial "Good-bye." For the next three nights we slept by our +wits and got our food by foraging. + +There was a Headquarters near by whose battalion was in the line. I +struck up a liaison with its officers, and at times went into the +crowded tent, which was their mess, to get warm. Runners would come +there at all hours of the day and night, bringing messages from the +Front. They were usually well spent. Sometimes they had been gassed; +but they all had the invincible determination to carry on. After they +had delivered their message, they would lie down in the mud and go to +sleep like dogs. The moment the reply was ready, they would lurch to +their feet, throwing off their weariness, as though it were a thing to +be conquered and despised. I appreciated now, as never before, the +lesson of "guts" that I had been taught at Kingston. + +There was one officer at Battalion Headquarters who, whenever I +entered, was always writing, writing, writing. What he was writing I +never enquired--perhaps letters to his sweetheart or wife. It didn't +matter how long I stayed, he never seemed to have the time to look +up. He was a Highlander--a big man with a look of fate in his +eyes. His hair was black; his face stern, and set, and extremely +white. I remember once seeing him long after midnight through the +raised flap of the tent. All his brother officers were asleep, huddled +like sacks impersonally on the floor. At the table in the centre he +sat, his head bowed in his hands, the light from the lamp spilling +over his neck and forehead. He may have been praying. He recalled to +my mind the famous picture of The Last Sleep of Argyle. From that +moment I had the premonition that he would not live long. A month +later I learnt that he had been killed on his next trip into the +trenches. + +After three days of waiting my division arrived and I was attached to +a battery. I had scarcely had time to make the acquaintance of my new +companions, when we pulled into my first attack. + +We hooked in at dawn and set out through a dense white mist. The mist +was wet and miserable, but excellent for our purpose; it prevented us +from being spotted by enemy balloons and aeroplanes. We made all the +haste that was possible; but in places the roads were blocked by other +batteries moving into new positions. We passed through the town above +which the Virgin floated with the infant Jesus in her arms. One +wondered whether she was really holding him out to bless; her attitude +might equally have been that of one who was flinging him down into the +shambles, disgusted with this travesty on religion. + +The other side of the town the ravages of war were far more +marked. All the way along the roadside were clumps of little crosses, +French, English, German, planted above the hurried graves of the brave +fellows who had fallen. Ambulances were picking their way warily, +returning with the last night's toll of wounded. We saw newly dead +men and horses, pulled to one side, who had been caught in the +darkness by the enemy's harassing fire. In places the country had +holes the size of quarries, where mines had exploded and shells from +large calibre guns had detonated. Bedlam was raging up front; shells +went screaming over us, seeking out victims in the back-country. To +have been there by oneself would have been most disturbing, but the +men about me seemed to regard it as perfectly ordinary and normal. I +steadied myself by their example. + +We came to a point where our Major was waiting for us, turned out of +the road, followed him down a grass slope and so into a valley. Here +gun-pits were in the process of construction. Guns were unhooked and +man-handled into their positions, and the teams sent back to the +wagon-lines. All day we worked, both officers and men, with pick and +shovel. Towards evening we had completed the gun-platforms and made a +beginning on the overhead cover. We had had no time to prepare +sleeping-quarters, so spread our sleeping-bags and blankets in the +caved-in trenches. About seven o'clock, as we were resting, the +evening "hate" commenced. In those days the evening "hate" was a +regular habit with the Hun. He knew our country better than we did, +for he had retired from it. Every evening he used to search out all +communication trenches and likely battery-positions with any quantity +of shells. His idea was to rob us of our _morale_. I wish he might +have seen how abysmally he failed to do it. Down our narrow valley, +like a flight of arrows, the shells screamed and whistled. Where they +struck, the ground looked like Resurrection Day with the dead elbowing +their way into daylight and forcing back the earth from their eyes. +There were actually many dead just beneath the surface and, as the +ground was ploughed up, the smell of corruption became distinctly +unpleasant. Presently the shells began to go dud; we realised that +they were gas-shells. A thin, bluish vapour spread throughout the +valley and breathing became oppressive. Then like stallions, kicking +in their stalls, the heavy guns on the ridge above us opened. It was +fine to hear them stamping their defiance; it made one want to get to +grips with his aggressors. In the brief silences one could hear our +chaps laughing. The danger seemed to fill them with a wild excitement. +Every time a shell came near and missed them, they would taunt the +unseen Huns for their poor gunnery, giving what they considered the +necessary corrections: "Five minutes more left, old Cock. If you'd +only drop fifty, you'd get us." These men didn't know what fear +was--or, if they did, they kept it to themselves. And these were the +chaps whom I was to order. + +A few days later my Major told me that I was to be ready at 3:30 next +morning to accompany him up front to register the guns. In registering +guns you take a telephonist and linesmen with you. They lay in a line +from the battery to any point you may select as the best from which to +observe the enemy's country. This point may be two miles or more in +advance of your battery. Your battery is always hidden and out of +sight, for fear the enemy should see the flash of the firing; +consequently the officer in charge of the battery lays the guns +mathematically, but cannot observe the effect of his shots. The +officer who goes forward can see the target; by telephoning back his +corrections, he makes himself the eyes of the officer at the guns. + +It had been raining when we crept out of our kennels to go forward. It +seems unnecessary to state that it had been raining, for it always has +been raining at the Front. I don't remember what degree of mud we had +attained. We have a variety of adjectives, and none of them polite, to +describe each stage. The worst of all is what we call "God-Awful Mud." +I don't think it was as bad as that, but it was bad enough. +Everything was dim, and clammy, and spectral. At the hour of dawn one +isn't at his bravest. It was like walking at the bottom of the sea, +only things that were thrown at you travelled faster. We struck a +sloppy road, along which ghostly figures passed, with ground sheets +flung across their head and shoulders, like hooded monks. At a point +where scarlet bundles were being lifted into ambulances, we branched +overland. Here and there from all directions, infantry were +converging, picking their way in single file to reduce their +casualties if a shell burst near them. The landscape, the people, the +early morning--everything was stealthy and walked with muted steps. + +We entered a trench. Holes were scooped out in the side of it just +large enough to shelter a man crouching. Each hole contained a +sleeping soldier who looked as dead as the occupant of a catacomb. +Some of the holes had been blown in; all you saw of the late occupant +was a protruding arm or leg. At best there was a horrid similarity +between the dead and the living. It seemed that the walls of the +trenches had been built out of corpses, for one recognised the +uniforms of French men and Huns. They _were_ built out of them, though +whether by design or accident it was impossible to tell. We came to a +group of men, doing some repairing; that part of the trench had +evidently been strafed last night. They didn't know where they were, +or how far it was to the front-line. We wandered on, still laying in +our wire. The Colonel of our Brigade joined us and we waded on +together. + +The enemy shelling was growing more intense, as was always the way on +the Somme when we were bringing out our wounded. A good many of our +trenches were directly enfilade; shells burst just behind the parapet, +when they didn't burst on it. It was at about this point in my +breaking-in that I received a blow on the head--and thanked God for +the man who invented the steel helmet. + +Things were getting distinctly curious. We hadn't passed any infantry +for some time. The trenches were becoming each minute more shallow and +neglected. Suddenly we found ourselves in a narrow furrow which was +packed with our own dead. They had been there for some time and were +partly buried. They were sitting up or lying forward in every attitude +of agony. Some of them clasped their wounds; some of them pointed +with their hands. Their faces had changed to every colour and glared +at us like swollen bruises. Their helmets were off; with a pitiful, +derisive neatness the rain had parted their hair. + +We had to crouch low because the trench was so shallow. It was +difficult not to disturb them; the long skirts of our trench-coats +brushed against their faces. + +All of a sudden we halted, making ourselves as small as could be. In +the rapidly thinning mist ahead of us, men were moving. They were +stretcher-bearers. The odd thing was that they were carrying their +wounded away from, instead of towards us. Then it flashed on us that +they were Huns. We had wandered into No Man's Land. Almost at that +moment we must have been spotted, for shells commenced falling at the +end of the trench by which we had entered. Spreading out, so as not +to attract attention, we commenced to crawl towards the other +end. Instantly that also was closed to us and a curtain of shells +started dropping behind us. We were trapped. With perfect coolness--a +coolness which, whatever I looked, I did not share--we went down on +our hands and knees, wriggling our way through the corpses and +shell-holes in the direction of where our front-line ought to +be. After what seemed an age, we got back. Later we registered the +guns, and one of our officers who had been laying in wire, was killed +in the process. His death, like everything else, was regarded without +emotion as being quite ordinary. + +On the way out, when we had come to a part of our journey where the +tension was relaxed and we could be less cautious, I saw a signalling +officer lying asleep under a blackened tree. I called my Major's +attention to him, saying, "Look at that silly ass, sir. He'll get +something that he doesn't want if he lies there much longer." + +My Major turned his head, and said briefly, "Poor chap, he's got it." + +Then I saw that his shoulder-blade had burst through his tunic and was +protruding. He'd been coming out, walking freely and feeling that the +danger was over, just as we were, when the unlucky shell had caught +him. "His name must have been written on it," our men say when that +happens. I noticed that he had black boots; since then nothing would +persuade me to wear black boots in the trenches. + +This first experience in No Man's Land did away with my last flabby +fear--that, if I was afraid, I would show it. One is often afraid. +Any soldier who asserts the contrary may not be a liar, but he +certainly does not speak the truth. Physical fear is too deeply +rooted to be overcome by any amount of training; it remains, then, to +train a man in spiritual pride, so that when he fears, nobody knows +it. Cowardice is contagious. It has been said that no battalion is +braver than its least brave member. Military courage is, therefore, a +form of unselfishness; it is practised that it may save weaker men's +lives and uphold their honour. The worst thing you can say of a man at +the Front is, "He doesn't play the game." That doesn't of necessity +mean that he fails to do his duty; what it means is that he fails to +do a little bit more than his duty. + +When a man plays the game, he does things which it requires a braver +man than himself to accomplish; he never knows when he's done; he +acknowledges no limit to his cheerfulness and strength; whatever his +rank, he holds his life less valuable than that of the humblest; he +laughs at danger not because he does not dread it, but because he has +learnt that there are ailments more terrible and less curable than +death. + +The men in the ranks taught me whatever I know about playing the +game. I learnt from their example. In acknowledging this, I own up to +the new equality, based on heroic values, which this war has +established. The only man who counts "out there" is the man who is +sufficiently self-effacing to show courage. The chaps who haven't done +it are the exceptions. + +At the start of the war there were a good many persons whom we were +apt to think of as common and unclean. But social distinctions are a +wash-out in the trenches. We have seen St. Peter's vision, and have +heard the voice, "What God hath cleansed, that call not thou common." + +Until I became a part of the war, I was a doubter of nobility in +others and a sceptic as regards myself. The growth of my personal +vision was complete when I recognised that the capacity of heroism is +latent in everybody, and only awaits the bigness of the opportunity to +call it out. + + + + +THE GLORY OF THE TRENCHES + + + We were too proud to live for years + When our poor death could dry the tears + Of little children yet unborn. + It scarcely mattered that at morn, + When manhood's hope was at its height, + We stopped a bullet in mid-flight. + It did not trouble us to lie + Forgotten 'neath the forgetting sky. + So long Sleep was our only cure + That when Death piped of rest made sure, + We cast our fleshly crutches down, + Laughing like boys in Hamelin Town. + And this we did while loving life, + Yet loving more than home or wife + The kindness of a world set free + For countless children yet to be. + + + + +III + +GOD AS WE SEE HIM + + +For some time before I was wounded, we had been in very hot places. We +could scarcely expect them to be otherwise, for we had put on show +after show. A "show" in our language, I should explain, has nothing in +common with a theatrical performance, though it does not lack +drama. We make the term apply to any method of irritating the Hun, +from a trench-raid to a big offensive. The Hun was decidedly annoyed. +He had very good reason. We were occupying the dug-outs which he had +spent two years in building with French civilian labour. His U-boat +threats had failed. He had offered us the olive-branch, and his peace +terms had been rejected with a peal of guns all along the Western +Front. He had shown his disapproval of us by paying particular +attention to our batteries; as a consequence our shell-dressings were +all used up, having gone out with the gentlemen on stretchers who were +contemplating a vacation in Blighty. We couldn't get enough to +re-place them. There was a hitch somewhere. The demand for +shell-dressings exceeded the supply. So I got on my horse one Sunday +and, with my groom accompanying me, rode into the back-country to see +if I couldn't pick some up at various Field Dressing Stations and +Collecting Points. + +In the course of my wanderings I came to a cathedral city. It was a +city which was and still is beautiful, despite the constant +bombardments. The Huns had just finished hurling a few more tons of +explosives into it as I and my groom entered. The streets were +deserted; it might have been a city of the dead. There was no sound, +except the ringing iron of our horses' shoes on the cobble pavement. +Here and there we came to what looked like a barricade which barred +our progress; actually it was the piled-up walls and rubbish of +buildings which had collapsed. From cellars, now and then, faces of +women, children and ancient men peered out--they were sharp and +pointed like rats. One's imagination went back five hundred +years--everything seemed mediaeval, short-lived and brutal. This might +have been Limoges after the Black Prince had finished massacring its +citizens; or it might have been Paris, when the wolves came down and +Francois Villon tried to find a lodging for the night. + +I turned up through narrow alleys where grass was growing and found +myself, almost by accident, in a garden. It was a green and spacious +garden, with fifteen-foot walls about it and flowers which scattered +themselves broadcast in neglected riot. We dismounted and tied our +horses. Wandering along its paths, we came across little +summer-houses, statues, fountains and then, without any hindrance, +found ourselves in the nave of a fine cathedral which was roofed only +by the sky. Two years of the Huns had made it as much a ruin as +Tintern Abbey. Here, too, the flowers had intruded. They grew between +graves in the pavement and scrambled up the walls, wherever they could +find a foothold. At the far end of this stretch of destruction stood +the high altar, totally untouched by the hurricane of shell-fire. The +saints were perched in their niches, composed and stately. The Christ +looked down from His cross, as he had done for centuries, sweeping the +length of splendid architecture with sad eyes. It seemed a miracle +that the altar had been spared, when everything else had fallen. A +reason is given for its escape. Every Sabbath since the start of the +war, no matter how severe the bombardment, service has been held +there. The thin-faced women, rat-faced children and ancient men have +crept out from their cellars and gathered about the priest; the lamp +has been lit, the Host uplifted. The Hun is aware of this; with malice +aforethought he lands shells into the cathedral every Sunday in an +effort to smash the altar. So far he has failed. One finds in this a +symbol--that in the heart of the maelstrom of horror, which this war +has created, there is a quiet place where the lamp of gentleness and +honour is kept burning. The Hun will have to do a lot more shelling +before he puts the lamp of kindness out. From the polluted trenches of +Vimy the poppies spring up, blazoning abroad in vivid scarlet the +heroism of our lads' willing sacrifice. All this April, high above +the shouting of our guns, the larks sang joyously. The scarlet of the +poppies, the song of the larks, the lamp shining on the altar are only +external signs of the unconquerable, happy religion which lies hidden +in the hearts of our men. Their religion is the religion of heroism, +which they have learnt in the glory of the trenches. + +There was a line from William Morris's _Earthly Paradise_ which used +to haunt me, especially in the early days when I was first +experiencing what war really meant. Since returning for a brief space +to where books are accessible, I have looked up the quotation. It +reads as follows:-- + + "Of Heaven or Hell I have no power to sing, + I cannot ease the burden of your fears + Or make quick-coming death a little thing." + +It is the last line that makes me smile rather quietly, "Or make +quick-coming death a little thing." I smile because the souls who wear +khaki have learnt to do just that. Morris goes on to say that all he +can do to make people happy is to tell them deathless stories about +heroes who have passed into the world of the imagination, and, because +of that, are immune from death. He calls himself "the idle singer of +an empty day." How typical he is of the days before the war when +people had only pin-pricks to endure, and, consequently, didn't exert +themselves to be brave! A big sacrifice, which bankrupts one's life, +is always more bearable than the little inevitable annoyances of +sickness, disappointment and dying in a bed. It's easier for Christ to +go to Calvary than for an on-looker to lose a night's sleep in the +garden. When the world went well with us before the war, we were +doubters. Nearly all the fiction of the past fifteen years is a proof +of that--it records our fear of failure, sex, old age and particularly +of a God who refuses to explain Himself. Now, when we have thrust the +world, affections, life itself behind us and gaze hourly into the eyes +of Death, belief comes as simply and clearly as it did when we were +children. Curious and extraordinary! The burden of our fears has +slipped from our shoulders in our attempt to do something for others; +the unbelievable and long coveted miracle has happened--at last to +every soul who has grasped his chance of heroism quick-coming death +has become a fifth-rate calamity. + +In saying this I do not mean to glorify war; war can never be anything +but beastly and damnable. It dates back to the jungle. But there are +two kinds of war. There's the kind that a highwayman wages, when he +pounces from the bushes and assaults a defenceless woman; there's the +kind you wage when you go to her rescue. The highwayman can't expect +to come out of the fight with a loftier morality--you can. Our chaps +never wanted to fight. They hate fighting; it's that hatred of the +thing they are compelled to do that makes them so terrible. The last +thought to enter their heads four years ago was that to-day they would +be in khaki. They had never been trained to the use of arms; a good +many of them conceived of themselves as cowards. They entered the war +to defend rather than to destroy. They literally put behind them +houses, brethren, sisters, father, mother, wife, children, lands for +the Kingdom of Heaven's sake, though they would be the last to express +themselves in that fashion. + +At a cross-road at the bottom of a hill, on the way to a gun-position +we once had, stood a Calvary--one of those wayside altars, so +frequently met in France, with pollarded trees surrounding it and an +image of Christ in His agony. Pious peasants on their journey to +market or as they worked in the fields, had been accustomed to raise +their eyes to it and cross themselves. It had comforted them with the +knowledge of protection. The road leading back from it and up the +hill was gleaming white--a direct enfilade for the Hun, and always +under observation. He kept guns trained on it; at odd intervals, any +hour during the day or night, he would sweep it with shell-fire. The +woods in the vicinity were blasted and blackened. It was the season +for leaves and flowers, but there was no greenness. Whatever of +vegetation had not been uprooted and buried, had been poisoned by +gas. The atmosphere was vile with the odour of decaying flesh. In the +early morning, if you passed by the Calvary, there was always some +fresh tragedy. The newly dead lay sprawled out against its steps, as +though they had dragged themselves there in their last moments. If you +looked along the road, all the glazed eyes seemed to stare towards +it. "Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy Kingdom," they seemed +to say. The wooden Christ gazed down on them from His cross, with a +suffering which two thousand years ago he had shared. The terrible +pity of His silence seemed to be telling them that they had become one +with Him in their final sacrifice. They hadn't lived His life--far +from it; unknowingly they had died His death. That's a part of the +glory of the trenches, that a man who has not been good, can crucify +himself and hang beside Christ in the end. One wonders in what +pleasant places those weary souls find rest. + +There was a second Calvary--a heap of ruins. Nothing of the altar or +trees, by which it had been surrounded, was left. The first time I +passed it, I saw a foot protruding. The man might be wounded; I +climbed up to examine and pulled aside the debris. Beneath it I found, +like that of one three weeks dead, the naked body of the Christ. The +exploding shell had wrenched it from its cross. Aslant the face, with +gratuitous blasphemy, the crown of thorns was tilted. + +These two Calvaries picture for me the part that Christ is playing in +the present war. He survives in the noble self-effacement of the men. +He is re-crucified in the defilements that are wrought upon their +bodies. + +God as we see Him! And do we see Him? I think so, but not always +consciously. He moves among us in the forms of our brother men. We +see him most evidently when danger is most threatening and courage is +at its highest. We don't often recognise Him out loud. Our chaps don't +assert that they're His fellow-campaigners. They're too humble-minded +and inarticulate for that. They're where they are because they want to +do their "bit"--their duty. A carefully disguised instinct of honour +brought them there. "Doing their bit" in Bible language means, laying +down their lives for their friends. After all they're not so far from +Nazareth. + +"_Doing their bit_!" That covers everything. Here's an example of how +God walks among us. In one of our attacks on the Somme, all the +observers up forward were uncertain as to what had happened. We didn't +know whether our infantry had captured their objective, failed, or +gone beyond it. The battlefield, as far as eye could reach, was a bath +of mud. It is extremely easy in the excitement of an offensive, when +all landmarks are blotted out, for our storming parties to lose their +direction. If this happens, a number of dangers may result. A +battalion may find itself "up in the air," which means that it has +failed to connect with the battalions on its right and left; its +flanks are then exposed to the enemy. It may advance too far, and +start digging itself in at a point where it was previously arranged +that our artillery should place their protective wall of fire. We, +being up forward as artillery observers, are the eyes of the army. It +is our business to watch for such contingencies, to keep in touch with +the situation as it progresses and to send our information back as +quickly as possible. We were peering through our glasses from our +point of vantage when, far away in the thickest of the battle-smoke, +we saw a white flag wagging, sending back messages. The flag-wagging +was repeated desperately; it was evident that no one had replied, and +probable that no one had picked up the messages. A signaller who was +with us, read the language for us. A company of infantry had advanced +too far; they were most of them wounded, very many of them dead, and +they were in danger of being surrounded. They asked for our artillery +to place a curtain of fire in front of them, and for reinforcements to +be sent up. + +We at once 'phoned the orders through to our artillery and notified +the infantry headquarters of the division that was holding that +front. But it was necessary to let those chaps know that we were aware +of their predicament. They'd hang on if they knew that; otherwise----. + +Without orders our signaller was getting his flags ready. If he hopped +out of the trench onto the parapet, he didn't stand a fifty-fifty +chance. The Hun was familiar with our observation station and strafed +it with persistent regularity. + +The signaller turned to the senior officer present, "What will I send +them, sir?" + +"Tell them their messages have been received and that help is coming." + +Out the chap scrambled, a flag in either hand--he was nothing but a +boy. He ran crouching like a rabbit to a hump of mud where his figure +would show up against the sky. His flags commenced wagging, "Messages +received. Help coming." They didn't see him at first. He had to repeat +the words. We watched him breathlessly. We knew what would happen; at +last it happened. A Hun observer had spotted him and flashed the +target back to his guns. All about him the mud commenced to leap and +bubble. He went on signalling the good word to those stranded men up +front, "Messages received. Help coming." At last they'd seen him. They +were signaling, "O. K." It was at that moment that a whizz-bang lifted +him off his feet and landed him all of a huddle. _His "bit!"_ It was +what he'd volunteered to do, when he came from Canada. The signalled +"O. K." in the battlesmoke was like a testimony to his character. + +That's the kind of peep at God we get on the Western Front. It isn't a +sad peep, either. When men die for something worth while death loses +all its terror. It's petering out in bed from sickness or old age +that's so horrifying. Many a man, whose cowardice is at loggerheads +with his sense of duty, comes to the Front as a non-combatant; he +compromises with his conscience and takes a bomb-proof job in some +service whose place is well behind the lines. He doesn't stop there +long, if he's a decent sort. Having learnt more than ever he guessed +before about the brutal things that shell-fire can do to you, he +transfers into a fighting unit. Why? Because danger doesn't appal; it +allures. It holds a challenge. It stings one's pride. It urges one to +seek out ascending scales of risk, just to prove to himself that he +isn't flabby. The safe job is the only job for which there's no +competition in fighting units. You have to persuade men to be grooms, +or cooks, or batmen. If you're seeking volunteers for a chance at +annihilation, you have to cast lots to avoid the offence of +rejecting. All of this is inexplicable to civilians. I've heard them +call the men at the Front "spiritual geniuses"--which sounds splendid, +but means nothing. + +If civilian philosophers fail to explain us, we can explain them. In +their world they are the centre of their universe. They look inward, +instead of outward. The sun rises and sets to minister to their +particular happiness. If they should die, the stars would vanish. We +understand; a few months ago we, too, were like that. What makes us +reckless of death is our intense gratitude that we have altered. We +want to prove to ourselves in excess how utterly we are changed from +what we were. In his secret heart the egotist is a self-despiser. Can +you imagine what a difference it works in a man after years of +self-contempt, at least for one brief moment to approve of himself? +Ever since we can remember, we were chained to the prison-house of our +bodies; we lived to feed our bodies, to clothe our bodies, to preserve +our bodies, to minister to their passions. Now we know that our bodies +are mere flimsy shells, in which our souls are paramount. We can fling +them aside any minute; they become ignoble the moment the soul has +departed. We have proof. Often at zero hour we have seen whole +populations of cities go over the top and vanish, leaving behind them +their bloody rags. We should go mad if we did not believe in +immortality. We know that the physical is not the essential part. How +better can a man shake off his flesh than at the hour when his spirit +is most shining? The exact day when he dies does not matter--to-morrow +or fifty years hence. The vital concern is not _when_, but _how_. The +civilian philosopher considers what we've lost. He forgets that it +could never have been ours for long. In many cases it was misused and +scarcely worth having while it lasted. Some of us were too weak to use +it well. We might use it better now. We turn from such thoughts and +reckon up our gains. On the debit side we place ourselves as we were. +We probably caught a train every morning--the same train, we went to a +business where we sat at a desk. Neither the business nor the desk +ever altered. We received the same strafing from the same employer; +or, if we were the employer, we administered the same strafing. We +only did these things that we might eat bread; our dreams were all +selfish--of more clothes, more respect, more food, bigger houses. The +least part of the day we devoted to the people and the things we +really cared for. And the people we loved--we weren't always nice to +them. On the credit side we place ourselves as we are--doing a man's +job, doing it for some one else, and unafraid to meet God. + +Before the war the word "ideals" had grown out-of-date and +priggish--we had substituted for it the more robust word "ambitions." +Today ideals have come back to their place in our vocabulary. We have +forgotten that we ever had ambitions, but at this moment men are +drowning for ideals in the mud of Flanders. + +Nevertheless, it is true; it isn't natural to be brave. How, then, +have multitudes of men acquired this sudden knack of courage? They +have been educated by the greatness of the occasion; when big +sacrifices have been demanded, men have never been found lacking. And +they have acquired it through discipline and training. + +When you have subjected yourself to discipline, you cease to think of +yourself; _you_ are not _you_, but a part of a company of men. If you +don't do your duty, you throw the whole machine out. You soon learn +the hard lesson that every man's life and every man's service belong +to other people. Of this the organisation of an army is a vivid +illustration. Take the infantry, for instance. They can't fight by +themselves; they're dependent on the support of the artillery. The +artillery, in their turn, would be terribly crippled, were it not for +the gallantry of the air service. If the infantry collapse, the guns +have to go back; if the infantry advance, the guns have to be pulled +forward. This close interdependence of service on service, division on +division, battalion on battery, follows right down through the army +till it reaches the individual, so that each man feels that the day +will be lost if he fails. His imagination becomes intrigued by the +immensity of the stakes for which he plays. Any physical calamity +which may happen to himself becomes trifling when compared with the +disgrace he would bring upon his regiment if he were not courageous. + +A few months ago I was handing over a battery-position in a fairly +warm place. The major, who came up to take over from me, brought with +him a subaltern and just enough men to run the guns. Within +half-an-hour of their arrival, a stray shell came over and caught the +subaltern and five of the gun-detachment. It was plain at once that +the subaltern was dying--his name must have been written on the shell, +as we say in France. We got a stretcher and made all haste to rush him +out to a dressing-station. Just as he was leaving, he asked to speak +with his major. "I'm so sorry, sir; I didn't mean to get wounded," he +whispered. The last word he sent back from the dressing-station where +he died, was, "Tell the major, I didn't mean to do it." That's +discipline. He didn't think of himself; all he thought of was that his +major would be left short-handed. + +Here's another story, illustrating how mercilessly discipline can +restore a man to his higher self. Last spring, the night before an +attack, a man was brought into a battalion headquarters dug-out, under +arrest. The adjutant and Colonel were busy attending to the last +details of their preparations. The adjutant looked up irritably, + +"What is it?" + +The N. C. O. of the guard answered, "We found this man, sir, in a +communication trench. His company has been in the front-line two +hours. He was sitting down, with his equipment thrown away, and +evidently had no intention of going up." + +The adjutant glanced coldly at the prisoner. "What have you to say +for yourself?" + +The man was ghastly white and shaking like an aspen. "Sir, I'm not the +man I was since I saw my best friend, Jimmie, with his head blown off +and lying in his hands. It's kind of got me. I can't face up to it." + +The adjutant was silent for a few seconds; then he said, "You know you +have a double choice. You can either be shot up there, doing your +duty, or behind the lines as a coward. It's for you to choose. I don't +care." + +The interview was ended. He turned again to the Colonel. The man +slowly straightened himself, saluted like a soldier and marched out +alone to the Front. That's what discipline does for a man who's going +back on himself. + +One of the big influences that helps to keep a soldier's soul sanitary +is what is known in the British Army as "spit and polish." Directly we +pull out for a rest, we start to work burnishing and washing. The +chaps may have shown the most brilliant courage and self-sacrificing +endurance, it counts for nothing if they're untidy. The first +morning, no matter what are the weather conditions, we hold an +inspection; every man has to show up with his chin shaved, hair cut, +leather polished and buttons shining. If he doesn't he gets hell. + +There's a lot in it. You bring a man out from a tight corner where +he's been in hourly contact with death; he's apt to think, "What's the +use of taking pride in myself. I'm likely to be 'done in' any +day. It'll be all the same when I'm dead." But if he doesn't keep +clean in his body, he won't keep clean in his mind. The man who has +his buttons shining brightly and his leather polished, is usually the +man who is brightly polished inside. Spit and polish teaches a man to +come out of the trenches from seeing his pals killed, and to carry on +as though nothing abnormal had happened. It educates him in an +impersonal attitude towards calamity which makes it bearable. It +forces him not to regard anything too tragically. If you can stand +aside from yourself and poke fun at your own tragedy--and tragedy +always has its humorous aspect--that helps. The songs which have been +inspired by the trenches are examples of this tendency. + +The last thing you find anybody singing "out there" is something +patriotic; the last thing you find anybody reading is Rupert Brooke's +poems. When men sing among the shell-holes they prefer a song which +belittles their own heroism. Please picture to yourself a company of +mud-stained scarecrows in steel-helmets, plodding their way under +intermittent shelling through a battered trench, whistling and humming +the following splendid sentiments from _The Plea of The Conscientious +Objector_:-- + +"Send us the Army and the Navy. Send us the rank and file. + Send us the grand old Territorials--they'll face the danger with a smile. + Where are the boys of the Old Brigade who made old England free? + You may send my mother, my sister or my brother, + But for Gawd's sake don't send me." + +They leave off whistling and humming to shout the last line. A shell +falls near them--then another, then another. They crouch for a minute +against the sticky walls to escape the flying spray of death. Then +they plod onward again through the mud whistling and humming, "But for +Gawd's sake don't send me." They're probably a carrying party, taking +up the rations to their pals. It's quite likely they'll have a bad +time to-night--there's the smell of gas in the air. Good luck to +them. They disappear round the next traverse. + +Our men sing many mad burlesques on their own splendour--parodies on +their daily fineness. Here's a last example--a take-off on _"A Little +Bit of Heaven_:" + + "Oh a little bit of shrapnel fell from out the sky one day + And it landed on a soldier in a field not far away; + But when they went to find him he was bust beyond repair, + So they pulled his legs and arms off and they left him lying there. + Then they buried him in Flanders just to make the new crops grow. + He'll make the best manure, they say, and sure they ought to know. + And they put a little cross up which bore his name so grand, + On the day he took his farewell for a better Promised Land." + +One learns to laugh--one has to--just as he has to learn to believe in +immortality. The Front affords plenty of occasions for humour if a man +has only learnt to laugh at himself. I had been sent forward to report +at a battalion headquarters as liaison officer for an attack. The +headquarters were in a captured dug-out somewhere under a ruined +house. Just as I got there and was searching among the fallen walls +for an entrance, the Hun barrage came down. It was like the +Yellowstone Park when all the geysers are angry at the same +time. Roofs, beams, chips of stone commenced to fly in every +direction. In the middle of the hubbub a small dump of bombs was +struck by a shell and started to explode behind me. The blast of the +explosion caught me up and hurled me down fifteen stairs of the +dug-out I had been trying to discover. I landed on all fours in a +place full of darkness; a door banged behind me. I don't know how long +I lay there. Something was squirming under me. A voice said +plaintively, "I don't know who you are, but I wish you'd get off. I'm +the adjutant." + +It's a queer country, that place we call "out there." You approach our +front-line, as it is to-day, across anywhere from five to twenty miles +of battlefields. Nothing in the way of habitation is left. Everything +has been beaten into pulp by hurricanes of shell-fire. First you come +to a metropolis of horse-lines, which makes you think that a mammoth +circus has arrived. Then you come to plank roads and little light +railways, running out like veins across the mud. Far away there's a +ridge and a row of charred trees, which stand out gloomily etched +against the sky. The sky is grey and damp and sickly; fleecy balls of +smoke burst against it--shrapnel. You wonder whether they've caught +anybody. Overhead you hear the purr of engines--a flight of aeroplanes +breasting the clouds. Behind you observation balloons hang stationary, +like gigantic tethered sausages. + +If you're riding, you dismount before you reach the ridge and send +your horse back; the Hun country is in sight on the other side. You +creep up cautiously, taking careful note of where the shells are +falling. There's nothing to be gained by walking into a barrage; you +make up your mind to wait. The rate of fire has slackened; you make a +dash for it. From the ridge there's a pathway which runs down through +the blackened wood; two men going alone are not likely to be +spotted. Not likely, but--. There's an old cement Hun gun-pit to the +right; you take cover in it. "Pretty wide awake," you say to your +companion, "to have picked us out as quickly as that." + +From this sheltered hiding you have time to gaze about you. The roof +of the gun-pit is smashed in at one corner. Our heavies did that when +the Hun held the ridge. It was good shooting. A perfect warren of +tunnels and dug-outs leads off in every direction. They were built by +the forced labour of captive French civilians. We have found requests +from them scrawled in pencil on the boards: "I, Jean Ribeau, was alive +and well on May 12th, 1915. If this meets the eye of a friend, I beg +that he will inform my wife," etc.; after which follows the wife's +address. These underground fortifications proved as much a snare as a +protection to our enemies. I smile to remember how after our infantry +had advanced three miles, they captured a Hun major busily shaving +himself in his dug-out, quite unaware that anything unusual was +happening. He was very angry because he had been calling in vain for +his man to bring his hot water. When he heard the footsteps of our +infantry on the stairs, he thought it was his servant and started +strafing. He got the surprise of his venerable life when he saw the +khaki. + +From the gun-pit the hill slants steeply to the plain. It was once +finely wooded. Now the trees lie thick as corpses where an attack has +failed, scythed down by bursting shells. From the foot of the hill the +plain spreads out, a sea of furrowed slime and craters. It's difficult +to pick out trenches. Nothing is moving. It's hard to believe that +anything can live down there. Suddenly, as though a gigantic +egg-beater were at work, the mud is thrashed and tormented. Smoke +drifts across the area that is being strafed; through the smoke the +stakes and wire hurtle. If you hadn't been in flurries of that sort +yourself, you'd think that no one could exist through it. It's ended +now; once again the country lies dead and breathless in a kind of +horrible suspense. Suspense! Yes, that's the word. + +Beyond the mud, in the far cool distance is a green untroubled +country. The Huns live there. That's the worst of doing all the +attacking; we live on the recent battlefields we have won, whereas the +enemy retreats into untouched cleanness. One can see church steeples +peeping above woods, chateaus gleaming, and stretches of shining +river. It looks innocent and kindly, but from the depth of its +greenness invisible eyes peer out. Do you make one unwary movement, +and over comes a flock of shells. + +At night from out this swamp of vileness a phantom city floats up; it +is composed of the white Very lights and multi-coloured flares which +the Hun employs to protect his front-line from our patrols. For brief +spells No Man's Land becomes brilliant as day. Many of his flares are +prearranged signals, meaning that his artillery is shooting short or +calling for an S.O.S. The combination of lights which mean these +things are changed with great frequency, lest we should guess. The +on-looker, with a long night of observing before him, becomes +imaginative and weaves out for the dancing lights a kind of Shell-Hole +Nights' Entertainment. The phantom city over there is London, New +York, Paris, according to his fancy. He's going out to dinner with his +girl. All those flares are arc-lamps along boulevards; that last white +rocket that went flaming across the sky, was the faery taxi which is +to speed him on his happy errand. It isn't so, one has only to +remember. + +We were in the Somme for several months. The mud was up to our knees +almost all the time. We were perishingly cold and very rarely dry. +There was no natural cover. When we went up forward to observe, we +would stand in water to our knees for twenty-four hours rather than go +into the dug-outs; they were so full of vermin and battened +flies. Wounded and strayed men often drowned on their journey back +from the front-line. Many of the dead never got buried; lives couldn't +be risked in carrying them out. We were so weary that the sight of +those who rested for ever, only stirred in us a quiet envy. Our +emotions were too exhausted for hatred--they usually are, unless some +new Hunnishness has roused them. When we're having a bad time, we +glance across No Man's Land and say, "Poor old Fritzie, he's getting +the worst of it." That thought helps. + +An attack is a relaxation from the interminable monotony. It means +that we shall exchange the old mud, in which we have been living, for +new mud which may be better. Months of work and preparation have led +up to it; then one morning at dawn, in an intense silence we wait with +our eyes glued on our watches for the exact second which is zero +hour. All of a sudden our guns open up, joyously as a peal of +bells. It's like Judgment Day. A wild excitement quickens the +heart. Every privation was worth this moment. You wonder where you'll +be by night-fall--over there, in the Hun support trenches, or in a +green world which you used to sing about on Sundays. You don't much +care, so long as you've completed your job. "We're well away," you +laugh to the chap next you. The show has commenced. + +When you have given people every reason you can think of which +explains the spirit of our men, they still shake their heads in a +bewildered manner, murmuring, "I don't know how you stand it." I'm +going to make one last attempt at explanation. + +We stick it out by believing that we're in the right--to believe +you're in the right makes a lot of difference. You glance across No +Man's Land and say, "Those blighters are wrong; I'm right." If you +believe that with all the strength of your soul and mind, you can +stand anything. To allow yourself to be beaten would be to own that +you weren't. + +To still hold that you're right in the face of armed assertions from +the Hun that you're wrong, requires pride in your regiment, your +division, your corps and, most of all, in your own integrity. No one +who has not worn a uniform can understand what pride in a regiment can +do for a man. For instance, in France every man wears his divisional +patch, which marks him. He's jolly proud of his division and wouldn't +consciously do anything to let it down. If he hears anything said to +its credit, he treasures the saying up; it's as if he himself had been +mentioned in despatches. It was rumoured this year that the night +before an attack, a certain Imperial General called his battalion +commanders together. When they were assembled, he said, "Gentlemen, I +have called you together to tell you that tomorrow morning you will be +confronted by one of the most difficult tasks that has ever been +allotted to you; you will have to measure up to the traditions of the +division on our left--the First Canadian Division, which is in my +opinion the finest fighting division in France." I don't know whether +the story is true or not. If the Imperial General didn't say it, he +ought to have. But because I belong to the First Canadian Division, I +believe the report true and set store by it. Every new man who joins +our division hears that story. He feels that he, too, has got to be +worthy of it. When he's tempted to get the "wind-up," he glances down +at the patch on his arm. It means as much to him as a V. C.; so he +steadies his nerves, squares his jaws and plays the man. + +There's believing you're right. There's your sense of pride, and then +there's something else, without which neither of the other two would +help you. It seems a mad thing to say with reference to fighting men, +but that other thing which enables you to meet sacrifice gladly is +love. There's a song we sing in England, a great favourite which, +when it has recounted all the things we need to make us good and +happy, tops the list with these final requisites, "A little patience +and a lot of love." We need the patience--that goes without saying; +but it's the love that helps us to die gladly--love for our cause, our +pals, our family, our country. Under the disguise of duty one has to +do an awful lot of loving at the Front. One of the finest examples of +the thing I'm driving at, happened comparatively recently. + +In a recent attack the Hun set to work to knock out our artillery. He +commenced with a heavy shelling of our batteries--this lasted for some +hours. He followed it up by clapping down on them a gas-barrage. The +gunners' only chance of protecting themselves from the deadly fumes +was to wear their gas-helmets. All of a sudden, just as the gassing of +our batteries was at its worst, all along our front-line +S.O.S. rockets commenced to go up. Our infantry, if they weren't +actually being attacked, were expecting a heavy Hun counter-attack, +and were calling on us by the quickest means possible to help them. + +Of a gun-detachment there are two men who cannot do their work +accurately in gas-helmets--one of these is the layer and the other is +the fuse-setter. If the infantry were to be saved, two men out of the +detachment of each protecting gun must sacrifice themselves. +Instantly, without waiting for orders, the fuse-setters and layers +flung aside their helmets. Our guns opened up. The unmasked men lasted +about twenty minutes; when they had been dragged out of the gun-pits +choking or in convulsions, two more took their places without a +second's hesitation. This went on for upwards of two hours. The +reason given by the gunners for their splendid, calculated devotion to +duty was that they weren't going to let their pals in the trenches +down. You may call their heroism devotion to duty or anything you +like; the motive that inspired it was love. + +When men, having done their "bit" get safely home from the Front and +have the chance to live among the old affections and enjoyments, the +memory of the splendid sharing of the trenches calls them back. That +memory blots out all the tragedy and squalor; they think of their +willing comrades in sacrifice and cannot rest. + +I was with a young officer who was probably the most wounded man who +ever came out of France alive. He had lain for months in hospital +between sandbags, never allowed to move, he was so fragile. He had had +great shell-wounds in his legs and stomach; the artery behind his left +ear had been all but severed. When he was at last well enough to be +discharged, the doctors had warned him never to play golf or polo, or +to take any violent form of exercise lest he should do himself a +damage. He had returned to Canada for a rest and was back in London, +trying to get sent over again to the Front. + +We had just come out from the Alhambra. Whistles were being blown +shrilly for taxis. London theatre-crowds were slipping cosily through +the muffled darkness--a man and girl, always a man and a girl. They +walked very closely; usually the girl was laughing. Suddenly the +contrast flashed across my mind between this bubbling joy of living +and the poignant silence of huddled forms beneath the same starlight, +not a hundred miles away in No Man's Land. He must have been seeing +the same vision and making the same contrast. He pulled on my +arm. "I've got to go back." + +"But you've done your 'bit,'" I expostulated. "If you do go back and +don't get hit, you may burst a blood vessel or something, if what the +doctors told you is true." + +He halted me beneath an arc-light. I could see the earnestness in his +face. "I feel about it this way," he said, "If I'm out there, I'm just +one more. A lot of chaps out there are jolly tired; if I was there, +I'd be able to give some chap a rest." + +That was love; for a man, if he told the truth, would say, "I hate the +Front." Yet most of us, if you ask us, "Do you want to go back?" would +answer, "Yes, as fast as I can." Why? Partly because it's difficult to +go back, and in difficulty lies a challenge; but mostly because we +love the chaps. Not any particular chap, but all the fellows out there +who are laughing and enduring. + +Last time I met the most wounded man who ever came out of France +alive, it was my turn to be in hospital. He came to visit me there, +and told me that he'd been all through the Vimy racket and was again +going back. + +"But how did you manage to get into the game again?" I asked. "I +thought the doctors wouldn't pass you." + +He laughed slily. "I didn't ask the doctors. If you know the right +people, these things can always be worked." + +More than half of the bravery at the Front is due to our love of the +folks we have left behind. We're proud of them; we want to give them +reason to be proud of us. We want them to share our spirit, and we +don't want to let them down. The finest reward I've had since I became +a soldier was when my father, who'd come over from America to spend my +ten days' leave with me in London, saw me off on my journey back to +France. I recalled his despair when I had first enlisted, and compared +it with what happened now. We were at the pier-gates, where we had to +part. I said to him, "If you knew that I was going to die in the next +month, would you rather I stayed or went?" "Much rather you went," he +answered. Those words made me feel that I was the son of a soldier, +even if he did wear mufti. One would have to play the game pretty low +to let a father like that down. + +When you come to consider it, a quitter is always a selfish man. It's +selfishness that makes a man a coward or a deserter. If he's in a +dangerous place and runs away, all he's doing is thinking of himself. + +I've been supposed to be talking about God As We See Him. I don't know +whether I have. As a matter of fact if you had asked me, when I was +out there, whether there was any religion in the trenches, I should +have replied, "Certainly not." Now that I've been out of the fighting +for a while, I see that there is religion there; a religion which will +dominate the world when the war is ended--the religion of +heroism. It's a religion in which men don't pray much. With me, before +I went to the Front, prayer was a habit. Out there I lost the habit; +what one was doing seemed sufficient. I got the feeling that I might +be meeting God at any moment, so I didn't need to be worrying Him all +the time, hanging on to a spiritual telephone and feeling slighted if +He didn't answer me directly I rang Him up. If God was really +interested in me, He didn't need constant reminding. When He had a +world to manage, it seemed best not to interrupt Him with frivolous +petitions, but to put my prayers into my work. That's how we all feel +out there. + +God as we see Him! I couldn't have told you how I saw Him before I +went to France. It's funny--you go away to the most damnable +undertaking ever invented, and you come back cleaner in spirit. The +one thing that redeems the horror is that it does make a man +momentarily big enough to be in sympathy with his Creator--he gets +such glimpses of Him in his fellows. + +There was a time when I thought it was rather up to God to explain +Himself to the creatures He had fashioned--since then I've acquired +the point of view of a soldier. I've learnt discipline and my own +total unimportance. In the Army discipline gets possession of your +soul; you learn to suppress yourself, to obey implicitly, to think of +others before yourself. You learn to jump at an order, to forsake your +own convenience at any hour of the day or night, to go forward on the +most lonely and dangerous errands without complaining. You learn to +feel that there is only one thing that counts in life and only one +thing you can make out of it--the spirit you have developed in +encountering its difficulties. Your body is nothing; it can be smashed +in a minute. How frail it is you never realise until you have seen men +smashed. So you learn to tolerate the body, to despise Death and to +place all your reliance on courage--which when it is found at its best +is the power to endure for the sake of others. + +When we think of God, we think of Him in just about the same way that +a Tommy in the front-line thinks of Sir Douglas Haig. Heaven is a kind +of General Headquarters. All that the Tommy in the front-line knows of +an offensive is that orders have reached him, through the appointed +authorities, that at zero hour he will climb out of his trench and go +over the top to meet a reasonable chance of wounds and death. He +doesn't say, "I don't know whether I will climb out. I never saw Sir +Douglas Haig--there mayn't be any such person. I want to have a chat +with him first. If I agree with him, after that I may go over the +top--and, then again, I may not. We'll see about it." + +Instead, he attributes to his Commander-in-Chief the same patriotism, +love of duty, and courage which he himself tries to practice. He +believes that if he and Sir Douglas Haig were to change places, Sir +Douglas Haig would be quite as willing to sacrifice himself. He obeys; +he doesn't question. + +That's the way every Tommy and officer comes to think of God--as a +Commander-in-Chief whom he has never seen, but whose orders he blindly +carries out. + +The religion of the trenches is not a religion which analyses God with +impertinent speculation. It isn't a religion which takes up much of +His time. It's a religion which teaches men to carry on stoutly and to +say, "I've tried to do my bit as best I know how. I guess God knows +it. If I 'go west' to-day, He'll remember that I played the game. So I +guess He'll forget about my sins and take me to Himself." + +That is the simple religion of the trenches as I have learnt it--a +religion not without glory; to carry on as bravely as you know how, +and to trust God without worrying Him. + + +THE END + + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Glory of the Trenches, by Coningsby Dawson + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE GLORY OF THE TRENCHES *** + +***** This file should be named 7515.txt or 7515.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/7/5/1/7515/ + +Produced by Tiffany Vergon, Brendan Lane, Edward Johnson, +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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