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| author | nfenwick <nfenwick@pglaf.org> | 2025-03-24 17:21:03 -0700 |
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| committer | nfenwick <nfenwick@pglaf.org> | 2025-03-24 17:21:03 -0700 |
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diff --git a/75705-h/75705-h.htm b/75705-h/75705-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..18d3ae0 --- /dev/null +++ b/75705-h/75705-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,8003 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html> +<html lang="en"> + +<head> + +<link rel="icon" href="images/img-cover.jpg" type="image/x-cover"> + +<meta charset="utf-8"> + +<title> +The Project Gutenberg eBook of Desert--A Legend, by Martin Armstrong +</title> + +<style> + +body { color: black; + background: white; + margin-right: 10%; + margin-left: 10%; + font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; + text-align: justify } + +p {text-indent: 1.5em } + +p.noindent {text-indent: 0% } + +p.t1 {text-indent: 0% ; + font-size: 200%; + text-align: center } + +p.t2 {text-indent: 0% ; + font-size: 150%; + text-align: center } + +p.t2b {text-indent: 0% ; + font-size: 150%; + font-weight: bold; + text-align: center } + +p.t3 {text-indent: 0% ; + font-size: 100%; + text-align: center } + +p.t3b {text-indent: 0% ; + font-size: 100%; + font-weight: bold; + text-align: center } + +p.t4 {text-indent: 0% ; + font-size: 80%; + text-align: center } + +p.t4b {text-indent: 0% ; + font-size: 80%; + font-weight: bold; + text-align: center } + +p.t5 {text-indent: 0% ; + font-size: 60%; + text-align: center } + +h1 { text-align: center } +h2 { text-align: center } +h3 { text-align: left } +h4 { text-align: center } +h5 { text-align: center } + +p.poem {text-indent: 0%; + margin-left: 10%; } + +p.thought {text-indent: 0% ; + letter-spacing: 2em ; + text-align: center } + +p.letter {text-indent: 0%; + margin-left: 10% ; + margin-right: 10% } + +p.footnote {text-indent: 0% ; + font-size: 80%; + margin-left: 10% ; + margin-right: 10% } + +.smcap { font-variant: small-caps } + +p.transnote {text-indent: 0% ; + margin-left: 10% ; + margin-right: 10% } + +p.quote {text-indent: 4% ; + margin-left: 0% ; + margin-right: 0% } + +p.report {text-indent: 4% ; + margin-left: 0% ; + margin-right: 0% } + +p.capcenter { margin-left: 0; + margin-right: 0 ; + margin-bottom: .5% ; + margin-top: 0; + font-weight: bold; + float: none ; + clear: both ; + text-indent: 0%; + text-align: center } + +img.imgcenter { margin-left: auto; + margin-bottom: 0; + margin-top: 1%; + margin-right: auto; } + +</style> + +</head> + +<body> +<div style='text-align:center'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 75705 ***</div> + +<p><br><br></p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-front"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-front.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<h1> +<br><br> + DESERT<br> +</h1> + +<p class="t3"> + <i>A Legend</i><br> +</p> + +<p><br></p> + +<p class="t3"> + By<br> +</p> + +<p class="t3"> + MARTIN ARMSTRONG<br> +</p> + +<p class="t4"> + <i>Author of<br> + "At the Sign of the Goat & Compasses"</i><br> +</p> + +<p><br></p> + +<p class="t4"> + Woodcuts by<br> + E. RAVILIOUS<br> +</p> + +<p><br><br></p> + +<p class="t3"> + NEW YORK AND LONDON<br> + <i>Harper & Brothers Publishers</i><br> + 1926<br> +</p> + +<p><br><br><br></p> + +<p class="t4"> + DESERT: <i>A Legend</i><br> +<br> + Copyright, 1916, by<br> + HARPER & BROTHERS<br> + Printed in the U. S. A.<br> +<br> + <i>First Edition</i><br> +<br> + H—A<br> +</p> + +<p><br><br><br></p> + +<p> +<i>Note--</i> +</p> + +<p> +The basis of this story lies in a brief tale occurring +in the Syriac version of Palladius's <i>Histories of +the Fathers</i>, which is to be found in a beautiful +English translation in Sir Ernest Wallis Budge's book +<i>The Paradise of the Holy Fathers</i>. I have derived +many other incidents and a great mass of details from +the same work, but this story is otherwise imaginary +in the sense that I have troubled little about +historical or topographical accuracy. The quotations +from Plotinus and Proclus are from Thomas Taylor's +translations, which, for reasons entirely unphilosophical, +I have altered in one or two places. +</p> + +<p class="noindent"> +M. A. +</p> + +<p><br><br></p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-000"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-000.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<p><br><br><br></p> + +<p class="t3"> +DESERT: <i>A Legend</i> +</p> + +<p><br><br><br></p> + +<p><a id="chap01"></a></p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-001"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-001.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<h3> + <i>Chapter<br> + One</i><br> +</h3> + +<p> +It was not long past noon when Malchus, +son of one of the foremost families of +Alexandria, stepped out of his porch into the street. +Everybody in the house was asleep; no one +but the doorkeeper saw him go out. The street, +too, was deserted. The arid heat of it struck +against the sense like sounding brass. Its +north side blazed with adamantine sunlight; +its left was a long wedge-shaped trough of +shade whose upper edge was bounded by the +roof-ridges themselves, and the lower by their +shadows zigzagging sharp-edged down the +center of the paved roadway. Halfway down +the street, on the shady side, two scavenger +dogs were prowling, meekly sniffing the walls +and pavement. A kite, small as a moth, sailed +in the illimitable blue above. Malchus felt +as if he had suddenly flung off a stifling cloak, +dropped it from his shoulders and abandoned +it in the street behind him. How easy it was, +in the mood he was in, to discard relatives, +friends, house, possessions, habits—all the +material and spiritual accumulation of the +past. In stepping from his house door he had +stepped into a new life as easily as a swimmer +dives from marble into water. The dogs, with +tails down and lowered heads, slunk away at +his approach and he turned the street corner +and made for the southern boundary of the +city. "Gone!" he said to himself, thinking of +his house and the familiar street, and it seemed +to him wonderful and unbelievable that he +would never see them again. "Never again!" He +tried in vain to realize the meaning of it +and as he did so two stabs of pain shot through +his heart. One was the memory of his mother +making its desperate appeal—her hands, the +calm, pure modeling of her temples, a sharp +accidental pathos that came with her way of +saying certain words; the other, keener, more +cruel, more soul-shaking, was the memory of +Helena, branded irremediably into every sense. +</p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-003"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-003.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<p> +He halted, rooted to the spot in the molten +sunshine, his right hand convulsively grasping +his staff, and behind him, on the white wall +to his left, the cowled black shadow which like +the ghost of his past had dogged him, now on +this side, now on that, from the moment he +had left the shade of his house, paused, +waiting to follow him. With a great effort he +blotted from his mind those agonizing appeals, +and man and following shadow moved on +together. Soon they had emerged from the +streets and, leaving the main road to Lake +Mareotis, had turned into one of the many +paths through the vineyards which spread to +the shore of the lake. The heat, there, had +lost something of its heaviness. Though the +lake was not yet visible, the sense of it refreshed +and sweetened the air, and the disheveled garlands +of vines festooned from tree to tree shed +a soft litter of shadows along the paths. Soon +through the long ranks of tree trunks and +foliage he caught sight of the live sparkle of +water and, after that, great tracts of glassy +surface, gray with heat, came gradually into view. +His hope was to reach the lake before the +hermit, who had visited him a few hours ago, had +crossed it. If he did so, he would certainly +discover him on the next ship that sailed; but +if the hermit crossed the lake ahead of him, it +might be many hours before Malchus could +follow, and, once he had entered the desert, it +would be impossible to trace him. But the +hermit had not had more than three hours' +start and he must have taken longer to reach +the lake than Malchus, who had walked +rapidly. Now his path left the vineyard and +emerged between two warehouses on to the +wharf that edged the lake. Not the faintest +breath stirred the sultry air. Malchus looked +anxiously out across the water. Far as the eye +could reach, its vast, featureless monotony was +unbroken. It was impossible, then, that the +hermit could have left the shore, for in such +weather no ship could sail or be rowed out +of sight in three hours. +</p> + +<p> +At its left extremity the wharf swung +outward into a jetty which formed a small harbor, +but its right end broke off in an abrupt wall +and thence the shore of the lake curved away +westward, the vineyards encroaching almost to +its white, sandy margin. +</p> + +<p> +Malchus turned to the left toward the harbor. +A mast rose above the level of the wharf +and he walked along the stone embankment to +inquire whether a ship would soon be starting. +After walking fifty yards he crossed to the +edge where a flight of steps descended to the +level of the water, and found himself looking +down into a ship lying alongside the wharf +immediately under him. Seen from above, it +looked strangely broad for its length. The +great sail lay rolled up along the deck and five +or six oars were shipped along each gunwale. +Among coils of rope and piles of wooden cases +a few men, leaning forward so that their backs +and heads almost hid their limbs, moved like +slow, heavy beetles. Malchus shouted down +his inquiries, and one of the men straightened +himself and turned up a round, coppery face. +</p> + +<p> +"We start in an hour," he shouted back. +"The master'll be here before long and you +can fix up with him. It'll be slow work." He +waved an arm to the sky. "All rowing to-day, +worse luck!" +</p> + +<p> +Having got this information, Malchus +strolled up the wharf toward the other end. He +wished to discover the hermit without being +discovered by him, for he was determined not +to approach him until they entered the desert. +Now, therefore, as he paced along the wharf, +he examined the shadowy nooks between the +warehouses in the hope that he might +discover him sheltering from the heat. But the +nooks were as empty as the wharf itself and +soon Malchus was approaching its western +extremity. As he did so he became suddenly +convinced that he was on the point of discovering +the hermit, and, sure enough, as he reached +the edge and glanced along the sandy shore, he +caught sight of a small bare-legged figure +seated on the white sand not more than fifty +yards away. He had avoided the green shade +of the vineyard a few yards behind him and +sat immovable in the full glare of the sun, like +a god carved out of wood. The sun was +high, and his squat shadow lay like a black +bowlder behind him. +</p> + +<p> +Malchus moved into a shady nook between +two sheds and rested there till it was almost +time to go back to the harbor. Then glancing +cautiously from his hiding-place, he saw +that the hermit was coming toward him and +soon he must have climbed on to the wharf, +for Malchus saw a small gnome-like shadow +slide across the bright gap between the sheds. +He waited a little and then himself came out +into the glare. The slim figure of the hermit +was by this time more than halfway down the +long line of the wharf—the only vertical thing +followed by the only shadow in all the horizontal +glare. Malchus followed him slowly. +When he reached the harbor the hermit was +already squatting in the bows of the boat with +his cowl over his head. +</p> + +<p> +Malchus found a place for himself on deck +in a patch of shadow cast by a pile of cargo. +The great wall of golden stone which towered +above the side of the ship threw off the +afternoon heat like a stove; the heaps of wooden +cases beside him exhaled a hot aromatic smell +and across it there came another smell, the +flat, earthy smell of shallow water. Malchus +closed his eyes. A feeling of utter serenity +possessed him. The noise and movement of +the crew about him served only to increase his +sense of calm isolation. Nothing of this stress +and bustle concerned him; for him there was +nothing to do but to sit still. The ropes would +be loosed, the ship would be pushed off from +the wharf by men sweating at long poles, the +harbor would recede, and the oarsmen settle, +with the rumble of wood on wood, to their +long, monotonous labor at the oars; and +through it all—through the long smooth crossing +of the lake unchanging except for the slow +transition from afternoon to evening, evening +to darkness and darkness back to dawn, +sunrise and sultry noon—he would have nothing +to do but sit with eyes open or closed, +contemplating the ebb and flow of his thoughts +and feelings. +</p> + +<p> +A silence in the hubbub of preparation +roused him: the moment for departure had +arrived, and at a shout from the master the +crew began to thrust away the ship from the +harbor wall. Slowly the wall receded. Two +oarsmen in the bows were already churning +up the glassy harbor water and soon the ship +glided out into the lake. +</p> + +<p> +A plain of shimmering gray lay before them, +but behind them the gray brightened to a +milky blue where the shallows ran up on to +the white margins, and in the shallows +companies of flamingoes stood like long-stemmed +rosy lilies, dreaming immovably upon the +fainter rose of their reflections. Malchus +gazed at them, and the thought came to him +that each was a symbol of man contemplating +the God in himself. The rowers began a +rhythmical chant, swinging monotonously to +their oars. Malchus closed his eyes. That +chant and the rhythmical forward lurch of +the ship were all he knew of the outward +world; and after an hour the chanting ceased +and his world dimmed to the heave of the boat +and the regular plash and gurgle of the cloven +water. He shut out all thought from his +mind. He did not even try to determine what +he would say to the hermit when he revealed +himself to him in the desert, nor did he examine +his feelings, desires, or beliefs. Whether or +not his reason accepted Christ he did not +inquire. He was passionately determined to +submit himself without reservation, body and +soul: therefore, he could not be troubled to +reason about his belief. The idea of God and +of his son Jesus Christ was burnt into his +emotional life. It had been his intellect +only—the intellect of an impetuous youth—which +had rejected it. Now the elegant logical +structure of his disbelief had collapsed before the +emotional storm through which he was passing, +and the old idea had flowered again upon the +ruins. The words spoken by the hermit +during their conversation a few hours +ago had come to him as a revelation:—"We +who are true Christians have no need of +reasoning." That was the state of mind after +which he had always been unconsciously striving. +What a relief it was now to abandon all +the troublesome mechanism of argument and +explanation, to allow to impulse and emotion +the authority for which, with him, they had +hitherto always appealed in vain. He felt +himself free at last. Never again would he +submit to the imposture of logic. But it was +no sluggish serenity into which he had +escaped. The mind and the soul must, he knew, +be disciplined, for only thus could they attain +to perfect freedom. And now, as he sat on the +deck with closed eyes, assuming already by an +unconscious imitation the attitude of the hermit, +he drew his attention inward, retiring into +that innermost chamber of being which is one +with the eternal and divine. At first his +contemplation was disturbed by intruding +memories and once he found himself spinning a +long fantasy about Helena. How would she +receive the news of his disappearance? He +pictured her in tears, imploring his pardon too +late. The picture gave him a fierce appeasement +and his lips twisted into a grim smile. +</p> + +<p> +The physical sensation of that smile roused +him. How was he to master this idle wandering +of the mind? For a moment he was overcome +by discouragement, but soon he had lulled +himself back into contemplation, and gradually +his mind, wearied by the emotions of the +day, threw off the burden of intruding +cares.... +</p> + +<p> +He must have sat thus for many hours, for +when he again opened his eyes he was +astounded to find himself in darkness. Everything +about him, the mast, the ropes, the piles +of cargo, stood out sharply in planes and edges +of frosty white, the rowers were modeled in +flickering black and silver as they swung to +and fro, and looking upward, Malchus saw a +full moon, small, brilliant, and immeasurably +high. Beside him lay a pool of blond silver +light, so bright that it seemed as if it were +itself the source of light. Everywhere it was as +though the moonward faces of things were +coated with phosphorus. The air had grown +deliciously cool; a draught stirred about the +deck as if the lake were breathing. Then a +shout sounded above the noise of rowing and +the rowers leaned back motionless upon their +oars. There was silence above and below except +for the clucking of water against the ship's +still-moving sides and the tapping of a rope against +the mast. The wind was freshening. Again a +shout out of the darkness, and, with bumping +of wood on wood, the rowers shipped their +oars and then lined up along the sail, while +others loosened the ropes at the mast. When +all was ready there came another shout and the +great sail swung up, huge as a house side, +shivered and fluttered heavily in the wind, and +then, as the ship came round, yawned out into +a great dark cavern. The ship lurched slowly +over, and growing up slowly out of the silence +the hiss of moving water was heard along the +sides. +</p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-014"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-014.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<p><br><br><br></p> + +<p><a id="chap02"></a></p> + +<h3> + <i>Chapter<br> + Two</i> +</h3> + +<p> +The breeze which had sprung up during the +night had weakened after daybreak, and now +it had died away completely. It was almost +noon. The men were once again sweating at +the oars, but their labor would soon be over, +for the southern shore of the lake was clearly +in sight. Pale golden hills extending in +horizontal terraces bounded the distance; along +their bases the richer gold of the desert was +barred by deep blue belts of palmgrove. Eastward, +within a stone's throw of the ship, flights +of wild-duck with their necks strained forward +skimmed the face of the water. Many hours +before, Malchus had awakened from a deep +sleep to find himself afloat between the +pale-green mirrors of sky and water in which the +stars had faded to blurs of faint white +radiance. He was cold and very hungry and had +bought a loaf and a small mug of wine from +one of the crew. He had drunk the wine and +eaten a piece of the loaf, putting the remainder +away into his pouch. Already it seemed an +age since that early waking; to remember it in +the noonday heat was to recall early spring in +the height of summer. As for his previous +life—the life which yesterday at this hour he +was still living—it had receded into the +remote past. It was as if the voyage across the +lake had carried him into another world and +separated him by many years from the self of +yesterday. The crisis, crowned by his +momentous decision, had come so suddenly.... +</p> + +<p> +Yet it was only a few hours ago, hardly a +day and a half, that he had dined at the house +of his friend Diocles, the poet. The feast had +been a splendid one—splendid not only for its +food and wines, but for its company and their +talk. But by an hour after midnight the guests, +though none of them had yet risen from his +couch to depart, had long ceased to eat and, all +except a few, even to drink. On the tables +stood dishes of grapes, figs, and pomegranates, +and crystal wine flasks and cups, but the guests +had turned away from the tables, and the confused +din of voices, glasses, silver, and the soft +padding of the slaves' feet upon the marble +floor had died down. There was no longer any +general conversation, but isolated gusts of talk +rose and relapsed, the tones now deep, now +high, now rippling upward in a woman's +laughter, like flutes, oboes, and bassoons played +at random. +</p> + +<p> +The host was Diocles, the poet, a splendid +young man, easy mannered, imperturbable, +with broad shoulders, pointed golden beard, +and gray eyes which could be strangely piercing +or, by a curious change, gentle and dreamy +as though their gaze had been turned inward. +He had been trying to engage the friend on his +right in a philosophical discussion, but in vain, +for Malchus replied briefly and fell back again +into the gloomy abstraction in which he had +passed the evening, his head propped on his +right hand, his large eyes scowling at the floor. +From this position he never moved except +sometimes to steal a furtive glance at a +woman who reclined at another table. +</p> + +<p> +She was young and of an extraordinary +beauty. Her profile in repose had the dreaming +loveliness of a marble goddess, but when +she laughed or spoke she was suddenly transformed +into another creature, and, as if for +the first time, the vivid colors of eyes, lips, and +beautiful teeth flashed into life. Helena was +her name; she was known throughout Alexandria +for her beauty, her great wealth, and +the proud independence of her manner of life. +Both her wealth and her beauty brought her +many offers of marriage, but to each she was +accustomed to reply that it would be time +enough to think of husbands when she had +grown tired of lovers. Now she was flirting +with a very young man who sprawled on the +floor beside her couch and leaned his head back +against its cushioned edge, gazing up at her as +he talked. His head was covered with crisp +golden curls and he had the full and regular +features which so often accompany an amiable +but stupid character. Sometimes detachedly, +as though she were inspecting a fur, Helena +stretched out a white arm and slowly stroked +the boy's head, watching the tight curls spring +up as they escaped from the weight of her +moving hand. Then she would shoot a quick +glance at Malchus, wrapped in his sulks, and +when her eyes returned to her boy their vague +and contemplative gaze showed that she was +not paying the slightest attention to what he +was saying. +</p> + +<p> +On the next couch lay an old man with a +smooth, fat face and a bald head which he +wiped from time to time with a yellow silk +handkerchief. The richness of his dress gave a +certain majesty to a heavy and bloated body. +He had the glazed eye of one who has drunk +heavily and he was making vague, fumbling +gestures with one hand, as if he were trying +to drive away a fly. But he was not driving +away a fly; he was beckoning, and at last a +girl ran up and stood beside his couch. She was +small and slim, with the pure, flower-like face +of a child. +</p> + +<p> +"Come here, Thaïs, you little imp. Why +have you been avoiding me all night?" He +spoke indistinctly; his consonants were +causing him some trouble, and when he reached out +a heavy arm the girl shrank back laughing. +But soon she had submitted and sat down on +his couch and allowed him to put his arm about +her. +</p> + +<p> +At that moment Helena rose and, as though +she were the controlling force of the whole +company, the sound of voices broke off sharp +and everyone looked at her. She moved toward +her host with the slow, exquisite poise of +one to whom even walking is a conscious art. +Her robe of silver tissue embroidered with blue +and crimson leopards enhanced with its shining +surfaces the forms and motions of her beautiful, +supple body. +</p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-021"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-021.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<p> +And with her departure everyone became +aware that the feast was over. Like a soundless +tide the large silence of the night, of which +the guests had recently been so oblivious, subtly +took possession of the room, broken rarely by a +murmured phrase, a giggle of laughter from +one of the girls, or the snores of a sleeping +feaster which rose from time to time out of the +silence, soared up gradually and formidably, +and exploded with a snort which aroused the +sleeper to a fretful change of position. But +over each interruption the silence closed like a +flood, and audible in it, as if an integral part +of it, streamed the cold, airy rush of a +fountain, faintly seen like a silver ghost in the +deep-blue hollow of the courtyard. Softly and +incessantly it hissed, a silence grown audible. +But to one who listened intently, small, clear +sounds emerged from the pervading hush; +sometimes a tiny spark shot with a crackle like +the snapping of a cane splinter from one of the +steady lamp flames and four pure musical notes +made by water dripping from a leak in the +fountain pipe into the basin below, repeated +their little tune with monotonous persistence. +</p> + +<p> +At the departure of Helena, Malchus had +stirred himself on his couch with a long sigh. +Her going had eased the intolerable oppression +which had tormented him, as if with an +insomnia of the nerves, all evening. Now he +had sunk into a deep revery when a voice close +beside him startled him into consciousness. +"Like a fire that has burned itself out!" said +the voice. It was the voice of Diocles, but +when Malchus turned his head it seemed to him +that Diocles had been talking to himself, for he +was looking, not at him, but at the rows of +feasters silent on their couches. +</p> + +<p> +"What has burned itself out?" asked Malchus. +</p> + +<p> +The poet turned to him. "The feast, Malchus," +he said, with a gesture which included +the whole room. "Look! Life here is frozen, +suspended as in a marble sculpture. At every +feast I am conscious of this moment when the +feast has burned itself out. I watch for it, for +when it comes I feel that I am seeing more +deeply into this clouded pool of life. Don't ask +me what I see, because I can't tell you. What I +see speaks to the emotions, not to the reason, +and so it can never be expressed except in +poetry. But do you not feel that some larger +and more enduring power has entered the room +and superseded the small, isolated activities of +all these helpless folk—helpless now because of +drunkenness or sleep, but just as helpless when +they are laughing, chattering, eating, +drinking, and making love? This moment shows us +human life in a truer perspective. It teaches +us who are awake to it patience, resignation, +love, and pity. I picture men as fish in the sea +suspended in the middle waters halfway +between the sea floor and the boundary of the +bright upper world, and occupied solely with +feeding, playing, fighting, and reproducing +their kind. But when they rest from those +activities the greater number sink, drawn down +by their own density, to the empty darkness +below; but a few, buoyed up by some bladder in +the heart or brain which is filled with a divine +air, float upward to the surface and afterward +return to the middle waters with their heads +filled with dreams of sunsparks, starlight, vast +moving shadows, and a boundless dome of blue." +</p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-024"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-024.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<p> +Diocles paused, and before he could continue, +a voice broke, profanely loud, upon the +stillness of the night. It was a young man who +had lain long on his back, sleeping with +half-open mouth and firmly grasping an empty wine +cup in his right hand. He had awakened +suddenly out of a drunken sleep, and was calling +for wine. "Wine, boy! Wine! Come, fill up!" +he shouted, hoarsely. But his shout disturbed +no one and the sound of it vanished like a +gaudy bird into the silence of the court. The +slaves had long since fallen asleep on their +bench in a corner of the hall, and even if they +had been awake, the young man had turned +feverishly on to his side and fallen asleep again +before they could have filled his cup. +</p> + +<p> +Diocles indicated the occurrence with a +humorous shrug, and then, turning to Malchus, +appealed to him more personally. "I wish I +could teach you to be a poet, Malchus," he +said. +</p> + +<p> +Malchus smiled and shook his head. "The +arts are not for me." +</p> + +<p> +"Perhaps not. But when I said I wished to +turn you into a poet I did not mean that I +wished you to write poetry. God forbid! +There are too many of us writing it already. +I meant that I wished you to live poetically. +I wish even that I could turn you into a +philosopher. That at least would be a stage on the +way to becoming a poet; for a philosophic +creed is good as a temporary discipline, though +it kills in the end. It is good while it feeds +the emotions, but if we persist in it for its +own sake we pinion our souls with ropes made +out of withered truths. We must never allow +the philosophers and sages to enslave us; on +the contrary, we must use them as our servants. +Nor must we allow life, any more than philosophy, +to enslave us, for we must retain the +mastery of our senses. The end of life is the +perfect development of our faculties. If we +allow life to enslave us through our senses and +desires we resign the control of ourselves to +blind chance and become like dead leaves in +the whirlwind, helpless in the face of adversity, +like you, my poor Malchus. That is what I +mean by living poetically. It is something +more than living philosophically. It is to be +open to every influence from outside and to +extend our knowledge deeper and deeper +inward into our own being." +</p> + +<p> +"We shall never agree, Diocles. This careful +self-control which you preach is no good to +me. It limits experience. How can we ever +<i>know</i> if we shut our field of discovery within +such narrow bounds? It is only by abandoning +ourselves to life that we can live fully." +</p> + +<p> +"And whither does your abandonment lead +you, my friend? Have you been living fully +to-night? No; you have spent the last six +hours tortured by jealousy and despair. That +is not living, it is dying. Let me be your +physician. Come and live here for a month or two +and I will put you through a discipline which +will help you to regain control of yourself." +</p> + +<p> +"Control of myself? If you could teach +me how to forget myself it would be more to +the purpose." +</p> + +<p> +"I will teach you how to forget Helena, +which will be more to the purpose still." +</p> + +<p> +"How simple it seems to you, Diocles. But +you, with your golden mean and your carefully +ordered life, cannot realize the intensity of a +passion such as mine for Helena. It is branded +into my heart. What can your rules and +disciplines do for that? You must not bring +philosophy and poetry, but a knife, if you want +to doctor me. I am done for, like a fire which +has burned itself out, as you said just now +with an unintentional aptness which startled +me." +</p> + +<p> +"Done for? But, my dear Malchus, Helena +was not your first love. You recovered from +the others." +</p> + +<p> +"They were different. I was younger then +and I did not take them so seriously." +</p> + +<p> +"On the contrary, I should say that you took +them more seriously because more sanely. The +disaster of your affair with Helena is that you +have not taken it seriously enough. Love is a +perilous and explosive thing, like fire. If you +do not take fire seriously it will devour life +instead of warming and illuminating it." +</p> + +<p> +Malchus shook his head. "In the difference +between our use of the word <i>serious</i>, Diocles, +lies the whole difference between our two +minds." +</p> + +<p> +"Then, in your own terms, Malchus—try to +take love less seriously. Try in your next love +affair to be frivolous." +</p> + +<p> +"I have done with love affairs, Diocles. I +am sick to death of this sort of life." He +included the hall, the tables, and the recumbent +guests in a sweep of the arm. +</p> + +<p> +"For the moment, Malchus," Diocles +assented. "But in a few weeks, when this +amatory wound has healed, you will be reconciled +to it once more, for whatever else this +civilization of ours has done, it has at least +produced the ideal mode of life for a cultured +mind." +</p> + +<p> +"Yes, and it is just this mode of life and this +culture of the mind which I have come to hate. +You are going to say, Diocles, that jealousy or +love-sickness has poisoned my mind. I deny +it. It has not poisoned my mind, it has opened +my eyes. The life we lead is futile, both bodily +and mentally. We boast of our broad-mindedness, +but really we have a mind for nothing. +We believe in nothing except not believing in +anything. We dabble in all the religions and +philosophies and select the little bits that please +us from each of them, like children picking up +colored shells on the beach." +</p> + +<p> +"But, my dear Malchus, is not that the true +wisdom? For thus we allow our minds to +nourish themselves naturally, like our bodies, +giving them a variety of foods and leaving it +to them to select from each the vital principle +and to excrete the rest. To be bound to one +philosophy or one religion alone is the mark +of a narrow mind." +</p> + +<p> +"Only if we bind ourselves to it from idleness +or cowardice, or for some such unworthy +reason. But the man who has made one +religion or philosophy a part of himself is not +bound; he is freed. He has gained a means +of self-expression and has concentrated his +emotional life into a full channel instead of +squandering it, as we do, in a hundred trivial +driblets. We refined and cultured folk have +no beliefs, no worthy enthusiasms, no prejudices." +</p> + +<p> +"No prejudices? But I thought we had +agreed years ago that to rid ourselves of prejudices +was the first step on the path of wisdom." +</p> + +<p> +"We did, Diocles; and a more foolish idea, +it seems to me now, could not be conceived. +Without prejudices our lives are empty, all the +fury has gone out of them." +</p> + +<p> +"Fury, my dear Malchus? Well, you may +have my share of fury. I have no desire to +return to the condition of a wild beast." +</p> + +<p> +"It would be better for us if we were more +like wild beasts." +</p> + +<p> +"Well, you are not unlike one at present, if +that is any consolation to you. But explain +yourself, my friend." +</p> + +<p> +"I have already said what I mean, which is +that this cultured, sophisticated life takes all +the vigor out of us. And not only out of our +minds, but out of our bodies, too. What does +it leave for our bodies to do? Nothing. We +have limbs and muscles, strong and aching to +be used, yet if we wish to use them we must +squander their energies in some artificial +occupation like games or hunting. Real life ought +to tax body, mind, and soul. It should be a +contest, not a series of elegant postures." +</p> + +<p> +"Well, each according to his taste, my +friend. But this mood of yours will pass off in +time. It is simply the result of your present +unhappiness. Meanwhile, since you feel the +need of physical exercise, why not try a few +days of this despised hunting? It would +distract your mind as well as exercising your +body, and if you have reasonably good sport +you will soon lose sight of the artificiality of +it." +</p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-032"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-032.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<p> +The two friends had almost forgotten that +they were not alone, but now a movement on +one of the couches interrupted their talk. One +of the girls had stirred and awakened. It was +Thaïs, who had fallen asleep on old Chronius's +couch. She sat up bewildered, with +disheveled hair and shining eyes, lovely as a naiad +rising from a pool. Then realizing her +surroundings she looked down in disgust at the fat +sleeping face of Chronius and, stretching out +her hand to the table, she took one by one four +purple grape skins from his plate and stuck +them carefully on his nose, his chin, and his +cheeks. Chronius shivered and opened his eyes. +"Don't! Don't! They're wet!" he mumbled, +making groping movements with his hands. +But Thaïs held down his hands, so that he could +not brush off the grape skins, and immediately +he fell asleep again. Then with an indignant +little shake of her shoulders she rose and, +smoothing her hair with one hand, came toward +Diocles and Malchus. +</p> + +<p> +"Tell me, Thaïs," asked Diocles, rising as +she approached and putting an arm round her +shoulders, "have you enjoyed yourself?" +</p> + +<p> +"No, I haven't," replied Thaïs, without +hesitation. +</p> + +<p> +"Then my feast has been a failure." +</p> + +<p> +Thaïs looked at him intently. "That is a +polite lie, Diocles. I do wish that everybody +would not treat me as a child to whom one +must always be offering sweets." +</p> + +<p> +"But what I said was not a lie, Thaïs. I +meant it." +</p> + +<p> +"How could you mean it? You're not in +love with me. Why, then, am I so important?" +</p> + +<p> +"Because, my dear, you are young and innocent." +</p> + +<p> +"Innocent?" replied Thaïs, with a wry smile. +</p> + +<p> +"Yes, Thaïs, quite innocent. And youth +and innocence are the most beautiful and +touching things in the world. If I were told that +any of these others had not enjoyed themselves—any +except Gelasia, who is young and innocent +like yourself, or Malchus here, who is my +special friend—I should be horribly annoyed, +because it would show that I had been found +wanting in the art of hospitality. It would be +as bad as if my poetry had been accused of +technical weaknesses. But when I hear that you +have not enjoyed yourself, it does not annoy +me; it pains me, and it is much more serious +to be pained than to be annoyed. Annoyance +is of the mind, but it is the heart that is pained. +But tell me why you have not enjoyed yourself." +</p> + +<p> +Thaïs hung her head and was silent. After +a moment she raised a face in which shone the +ingenuous seriousness of youth. +</p> + +<p> +"It's always the same," she said. "I never +know till afterward that I have not enjoyed +myself. I thought I was enjoying myself to-night." +</p> + +<p> +"You were, dear child. I watched you." +</p> + +<p> +"Yes, perhaps I was. I didn't mind even +when that old pig Chronius beckoned me over +to his couch. But he touched me and stroked +me too much and I felt a sudden rage and +smacked his face. Then I felt ashamed, and I +was nicer to him than I wanted to be, to make +up for it. However, he fell asleep soon, and +suddenly I too felt sleepy, so sleepy that I just +settled down against him—feeling that he was +a bolster, you know, not a human being—and +went off to sleep with my head on his chest. +But when I woke up just now and saw where +I was and saw his horrid old swollen face, I +was, oh, shriveled up with disgust. That's why +I stuck the grape skins on his face. It was not +for fun; it was from fury, just as one might +smudge an ugly painting. And now I'm going. +But before I go I'll tell you one thing. You +are the only man whose arm I could bear to +have round me at present; and that's a very +great compliment, Diocles." +</p> + +<p><br><br><br></p> + +<p><a id="chap03"></a></p> + +<h3> + <i>Chapter<br> + Three</i> +</h3> + +<p> +Half an hour later, Malchus was walking +home, followed by his servant. It was the +moment of the false dawn. In that pale, watery +air, the familiar streets had changed their +nature; they were hollow and desolate, the +humanity frozen out of them. No mortal +hands had made them; they had been grooved +and sculptured by the slow labor of natural +forces, like the channels of some deep-sunk, +faintly luminous coral reef. In marble walls +and colonnades, as they loomed up toward the +walking Malchus, there was a dull, milky glow +as though a veiled flame lurked within their +substance. Overhead, stars showed their faint, +frosty sparkle, in a limpid steel-blue sky. Not +a breath rustled the palm trees and the tall +rose-bays whose fantastic shapes spired up +above the garden walls; but as he passed an +iron gate his sense was caught by the subtle +perfume of a flowering jasmine, which spread +its invisible snare across his path, and his heart +suddenly contracted with pain. Further on, +as he turned a corner, a faint draught smelling +of the sea touched his face, and he saw beneath +him, like two polished shields, the glimmering +expanse of the two harbors with the Island of +Pharos spread along their further rim in a long +violet mound on which, here and there, a light +twinkled. Far in the distance, from two +different quarters, bright shafts of sound shot +upward alternatively and were lost; two cocks +were challenging each other in the silence, and +Malchus felt that if he had opened his lips and +spoken out aloud the passionate appeals which +oppressed his heart, he would have heard, after +a moment of listening, the voice of Helena +answering him far and clear across the +city.... +</p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-038"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-038.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<p> +"Helena, my beloved, listen to me at least, +before you leave me. I cannot live without you +any more than a man can live without his own +heart. Though I still speak and move my +limbs like other men, the soul within me is +dying as surely as the body dies. I am the +empty shell of a man, a moving cenotaph filled +only with misery. Be merciful, beloved, even +if you no longer love me. It cannot be that I +have no meaning for you, no part in you, or +how should I feel this intensity of pain? +Helena, I could be content, even if you never +spoke to me nor looked at me, if only you would +give your body back to me. My mind, my +senses are full of you; they have forgotten +everything else. My sense of touch remembers +only the shape and smoothness and warmth of +your body, my sight its lines and curves and +colors. They are burned into me, branded +indelibly. Even when I die they will remain; +and if, when all our generation is dead, men +open my coffin, they will find not my decaying +body, but yours, perfect and warm and ready +to awake from sleep." +</p> + +<p> +The cocks had ceased to crow; silence, like +a clear and fragile bubble, inclosed the whole +world. Then pure and small from the eastward +came the voice of Helena: +</p> + +<p> +"My foolish Malchus! I have been waiting +for you ever since I left the feast of Diocles. +Do you not remember how I always loved to +tease you? You used to praise me for it +afterward, because of the wonderful renewal of our +love which always came with our reconciliation. +And so, during this last month I have +only been playing with you. Did you imagine +that I could exchange that stupid young Heronion +for you whom I have loved so long? Come +back, my foolish one: I will not torment you +any longer." +</p> + +<p> +A sparrow fluttered from the wall above +him and Malchus awoke to find that in the +preoccupation of his daydream he had stopped and +was now leaning against the pillar of a porch. +His servant was standing a few paces behind +him, surprised and troubled by his strange +behavior. The houses were now clearly visible; +each had taken on its familiar individuality. +Color had come back into the trees and the +flowers which festooned the walls and porticoes +and heaped their mounds of color about +the fountains in the squares. In half an hour +the sun would rise. Malchus, the pain at his +heart dulled a little by his hopeless imaginings, +went on his way and, entering the house in +which he had lived ever since, four years ago, +he had left the home of his parents, lay down +on his bed..... +</p> + +<p> +He slept for five hours and awoke to +confused memories of dreams. His mind, still +unresigned to despair, had projected its agony +into visionary struggles. At first he could +remember nothing clearly, but his heart retained, +like a scar, a sense of thwartings, disappointments, +huge obstacles encountered but never +overcome. Then details began to return to +him. Helena, vivid and desirable as in her +most ardent moments, had leaned to him with +outstretched arms from an upper window, and +knowing that he was on the brink of the solution +of all his miseries, he had hurried to the +door of the house. It opened and he entered. +But indoors the house was empty and ruinous +and he never found the upper chamber from +which Helena had leaned. He wandered from +room to room vainly seeking for her, but whenever +he tried to get out of a room the door had +vanished and he searched desperately along +walls of solid stone. Once Helena's voice +called him clearly and urgently from the next +room, and after desperate gropings for an exit +he climbed perilously up the face of the wall, +clinging to projecting stones, and, pulling +himself up to the top, dropped over the other +side. But there he found himself in another +doorless inclosure. Again Helena's voice called +to him, but further away now, and the same +terrible struggle began again. It seemed to +him now, as he sat on the edge of his bed, a +relief to have escaped from that frenzied +striving. His waking mind was frozen and empty. +The fire had gone out of his pain now; it had +become a cold, dull ache, and he remembered +Diocles' phrase of "a fire that had burned +itself out." But with the name of Diocles, the +memory of last night's feast returned and +Malchus found that an unappeasable hatred of that +life of refined luxury had entered into him. +Its hollowness—the trivial culture, the aimless +contentment, the mumming and miming, the +little rules for gestures and speech which +formed its code of good manners—sickened +him. He knew that he could never take part +in it again, but he did not realize that this +sudden fierceness against a mode of life which +he had willingly tolerated for years was merely +the blind vengeance of his shattered passions.... +</p> + +<p> +The process of bathing and dressing seemed +to him now a tedious thing, but it was a thing +which had become a part of his life and he +submitted to it and controlled his anger at the +restless movements of the slaves about him, +enduring patiently until they should have +finished. +</p> + +<p> +At last it was ended; but with nothing more +to distract and anger him, he found himself +face to face again with the awful emptiness of +his life. A sudden bitterness, like a poisonous +spring, flooded his soul at the thought that +there was no longer any motive for this careful +cleansing and beautifying. In the old days, +this moment of the completion of his toilet had +been full of delightful anticipation. Refreshed +and invigorated by sleep and with the +heaviness of sleep dispelled and body and mind +warm and tingling from the touch of warm +water and the unguents with which he had been +rubbed, he had contemplated the day that lay +before him with an ever renewed sense of +adventure. During the last two years his love +affair with Helena had raised this daily +pleasure to an ecstasy, for then he had known that +each day held for him the delicious and almost +magical renewal of their love. It was some +months ago that he had first become aware of +a change in their relations. In what the change +consisted he could not exactly have said: a +faint, indefinable discord had sounded through +the perfect harmony of their love. From that +moment their ardor had declined until Helena's +feeling for him had passed from indifference to +something not far from hatred. How had it +started? Malchus did not know. But of this, +at least, he was sure—it had not started with +him. No sooner had he asserted this than a +doubt rang a small silver bell in his mind and +he became conscious of things which he had +not admitted to himself before—of little +failures, disappointments, wearinesses which had +begun, some months ago, to creep into his +rapture. Their passion, formerly so triumphantly +effortless, had, it seemed, reached a limit +which could not be passed, and from that +moment it was no longer a wonderful still-renewed +adventure, but a desperate reiteration of the +physical. And with this flagging of their +passion he had begun to be aware of a sense of +stress, failure, emptiness, for which the union +of their minds could not compensate. Weariness +of the flesh had begun to assail him. But +he had never confessed these things to Helena, +for he could not have expressed them in words; +and, even if he had been able to, he would not +have dared, for, in spite of them, he still desired +her. His desire possessed him like a hunger, +undiminished, and as he watched her gradually +receding from him the hunger only became the +more fierce. No, his love had not diminished; +it was hers that had failed them. And as he +again came round to the unendurable thought +that Helena no longer loved him, bitterness +overwhelmed him and he sat staring again at +the empty desolation of his life. By degrees he +came to feel that all love of women was a hateful +thing, a thing of feverish and restless longing +whose brief fulfillment always fell short of +the hoped-for ecstasy. Perhaps the weak and +clumsy body was incapable of achieving that +passion of which the soul dreamed. He thought +of older loves in the days before he had met +Helena, and he told himself now, in his cold, +clear-sighted mood, that his love for Helena +was not the supreme passion of his life. It was +merely one of many. Each of his loves in turn +he had proclaimed to be the supreme passion; +that was the illusion by which the fancy always +strove to cheat the soul into a disregard of the +sure disappointment. Each, as he saw it now, +had begun with this parade of flattering delusions, +this intoxication which turned a girl into +a creature of more than mortal perfection and +a brief quickening of the pulses into an undying +ecstasy, and he recalled the heartache of +that first moment when his eyes met the cold +eyes of disillusion, the sickening weariness of +the attempt to pretend that all was still as +wonderful as it had been before. Yes, it was +hateful and vile, this itch for the impossible +which no experience could cure. Yet even if +the dream were realized, what would it be +worth? An ecstasy of sensation made permanent +would be an agony, a destruction for both +body and soul; it would be a thing more terrible +than this disillusionment and disgust which +tortured him now.... +</p> + +<p> +It was the hour when he had been in the +habit of listening to music or the reading of +poetry or philosophy, and now his musicians +and the Greek who was his reader approached +to receive his orders. He sent the musicians +away, for he could not have endured the +emotional excitement of even the most sober music, +but he retained his reader, who began to unroll +the epic poem from which, during the last week, +he had been reading to Malchus every morning. +But Malchus waved it away. +</p> + +<p> +"Not poetry to-day, Chalchas," he said. +"Read me rather some philosophy; but not at +length, for I cannot attend to arguments to-day. +Read me fragments—passages which will +soothe me and help to banish thought. I cannot +choose. Choose, yourself, what you think +best." +</p> + +<p> +The slave went out and returned with two +or three books and a stool, and seating himself +near Malchus's chair, he unrolled one of the +books and began to read. At first Malchus +understood nothing. He could not detach his +attention from the pulsing nerve of his misery +and he heard only the gentle inflexions of the +reading voice and the flights of words which +dispersed like flocks of sparrows, uncontrolled +by any connecting sense. Then with an effort +he forced himself to focus his attention and +gradually the sounds wove themselves into +meaning. +</p> + +<p> +"What is it you are reading about, +Chalchas?" he asked. +</p> + +<p> +Chalchas looked up from the scroll. "About +eternity, sir," he said. +</p> + +<p> +"'<i>Hence it hastens to be in futurity</i>'"—Malchus +repeated the last phrase which still +echoed in his memory. "What is it that +hastens?" +</p> + +<p> +"The universe, sir." +</p> + +<p> +"Good. Read on from there." +</p> + +<p> +<i>Hence</i>, read Chalchas, <i>it hastens to be in +futurity, and is not willing to stop, since it +attracts existence to itself, in performing +another and another thing, and is moved in a circle +through a certain desire of essence. So that +we have found what existence is in such natures +as these, and also what the cause is of a motion +which thus hastens to be perpetually in the +future periods of time. But in first and blessed +natures there is not any desire of the future; +for they are now the whole, and whatever of +life they ought to possess, they wholly possess, +so that they do not seek after anything, because +there is not anything which can be added to +them in futurity.</i> +</p> + +<p> +The voice read on, but Malchus had ceased +to listen. A phrase had caught his attention +and he repeated it to himself, feeling somehow +a vague consolation in it. In first and blessed +natures there is not any desire of the future. +Surely it was just in that desire of the future, +the desire to continue his possession of Helena, +that his present misery consisted. If only he +could achieve a state of stability such as the +philosopher seemed to be trying to define—a +state of peaceful being instead of this endless +craving for the unfulfilled. Again he focused +his attention on the reading. +</p> + +<p> +<i>What then, if some one should never depart +from the contemplation of eternity, but should +incessantly persevere in admiring its nature, +and should be able to do this through the +possession of an unwearied nature; such a one, +perhaps, running to eternity, would there stop +and never decline from it, in order that he +might become similar to it and eternal, surveying +eternity, and the eternal by that which is +eternal in himself.</i> +</p> + +<p> +Malchus closed his eyes. The words and +ideas, only half comprehended by his reason, +brought comfort to his heart. He withdrew his +mind from Helena and from the pain which +obsessed him and concentrated it within upon +the pure awareness of being, the eternal in +himself. But soon, by no will of his own, his mind +had escaped and was clamoring again at the +doors behind which Helena had withdrawn +herself. How could philosophy help a pain like +his? It was beyond the control of will. This +beautiful system of thought in which mind +broke from the bonds of reason and flowered +into ecstasy was accessible only to untroubled +minds. +</p> + +<p> +<i>We must think of the soul</i>, Chalchas was +reading, <i>as not receiving in the body irrational +desires and angers and other passions, but as +abolishing all these and as having, as far as +possible, no communion with the body.</i> +</p> + +<p> +Chalchas looked up and seeing that Malchus +was listening attentively he unrolled more of +the scroll and chose another passage. +</p> + +<p> +<i>It is not by running after external things that +the soul beholds temperance and justice, but +she perceives them in contemplation of herself +and of that which she formerly was, and views +them like statues set up in herself which time +has covered with rust. Then she purifies them, +even as if gold had taken unto itself life and, +because it was encrusted with earth, perceived +not that it was gold and knew not itself; but +afterward, shaking off the earth which clung to +it, had been filled with wonder to behold itself +pure and alone.</i> +</p> + +<p> +As if struck by a sudden thought, Chalchas +laid down the book and took up one of the +others. As he unrolled it and began to search +for the passage he had thought of, Malchus's +eyes wandered into the court where a slim +fountain leaped from a little grove of flowering +plants. The fountain, he thought, was a +symbol of that pure being, always vividly alive, +yet always unchanging and self-sufficing, which +the philosopher vainly tried to define when he +wrote of eternity and the soul. Its clear +watery music soothed his sense as the voice of +Chalchas had done; and as he listened the voice +rose, gentle and unobtrusive, again, the words +it spoke mixing with the voice of the water. +<i>Dissimilar Natures ... The Immortal and the +mortal ... The spiritual and that which is +deprived of spirit ... The indivisible and that +which is broken by division</i>,—the phrases +danced like bubbles on the surface of +Chalchas's speech, and then Malchus was +once again listening attentively. <i>For by +reason of all these things there comes +upon the soul mighty tumult and labor in the +realms of generation, since we pursue a flying +mockery which is ever in motion. And the soul, +declining to a material life, kindles a light in +her dark tenement the body, but she herself is +lodged in obscurity; but by giving life to the +body she destroys herself and her own spirit in +as great a degree as these can suffer destruction. +For thus the mortal nature participates in +spirit, but the spiritual nature in death, and the +whole becomes a prodigy, as Plato beautifully +observes in his Laws, composed of the mortal +and immortal, of the spiritual, and that which +is deprived of the spirit. For the physical law +which binds the soul to the body is the death +of the immortal life but giver of life to the +mortal body.</i> +</p> + +<p> +Malchus raised his hand as a sign that the +reading should cease, and the Greek, taking up +the books and the stool on which he had been +sitting, retired across the court. +</p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-054"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-054.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<p><br><br><br></p> + +<p><a id="chap04"></a></p> + +<h3> + <i>Chapter<br> + Four</i> +</H3> + +<p> +Malchus remained wrapped in thought +till he was roused by the sound of approaching +footsteps, and, raising his eyes, saw one of his +slaves coming toward him, carrying a long +palm-leaf mat which he spread before Malchus +saying: +</p> + +<p> +"There is a hermit at the door, sir, with mats +and baskets for sale." He stood waiting for +Malchus to speak and inspecting the mat +critically; and, believing that Malchus was +debating whether he should buy the mat or not, he +added, "The weaving is unusually good, sir." +</p> + +<p> +But Malchus had not been considering the +mat. The news that a hermit selling palm-leaf +mats was at his door had strengthened rather +than interrupted the train of thought which had +occupied him since Chalchas had ceased reading. +Malchus knew from the fact the hermit +was selling mats and baskets that he must be +one of the Christian hermits from the desert. +They were familiar figures in Alexandria, for +many of them, having tramped across the burning +sands till they reached the Nile or the +southern bank of Lake Mareotis and having there +taken ship, appeared at rare intervals in the +city to sell the work of their hands and so earn +enough to buy for themselves the bare necessities +of life. +</p> + +<p> +Malchus himself, like most of his friends, +had been born a Christian and had been christened, +for his parents were of orthodox faith. +As a child, like many children, he had taken +religion very seriously. The ceremonies of +the church delighted him: he used to imitate +them very accurately in his nursery, repeating +portions of the services by heart to the +astonishment of his nurse. Later he became a great +student of the Scriptures and was much taken +up with his own religious experiences and his +successful or unsuccessful encounters with sin. +The priest who had charge of him predicted a +pious future. Then, quite suddenly, at the age +of eighteen he changed. Christianity, he +discovered, was fit only for children and women. +He discarded it and proclaimed himself, with +Diocles and the other cultured young men who +were his friends, a free thinker with a sympathy +for Greek classicism. They formed an exquisite +society of their own which, helped by Diocles's +growing reputation as a poet, became notorious +for its artistic intellectualism, its refined +licentiousness, and the extreme elegance of its feasts. +But no man can change his nature, and in Malchus +there was an impulsiveness, a violence, +which was much more in accordance with +Christianity than with Greece; and, though he +would have been the last to admit it, he retained +in his attitude to life the mental habit of a +Christian. +</p> + +<p> +But the Christianity of Alexandria, with its +endless bickerings and riots, was a very +different thing from the Christianity of the desert. +Everyone in Alexandria had heard of those +strenuous desert monasteries, buried in waterless +wastes or high pitched on barren hills, and +of the hermits who fled from even that strict +and primitive existence and led solitary lives of +incredible asceticism in cells built by themselves +in the sand-swept wastes of Nitria or far south +in the Thebaid. It was not so many years since +Saint Anthony himself, the greatest of the +hermits, had died at a great age and had been +buried in an unknown desert grave, bequeathing +his leather tunic and the coverlet of his bed +to the bishop Athanasius; and the stories which +were still told of his lonely battles against evil +spirits and those gnawing temptations which +lay hold on men living in solitude, held a +strange and profound fascination for the +earnest, unquiet, and fanatical heart of Malchus. +</p> + +<p> +The philosophers whom Chalchas had just +been reading to him, reduced life to mere +thought and contemplation. In spite of the +comforting ideas which he had received from +them, he had realized, as he reflected on their +words, that they could not help him, for his +only hope lay in strenuous action, while all they +could offer him was thought. The idea of a life +of thought, of bodily passivity, terrified +Malchus. For one of his violent nature, passivity +meant despair; for passivity, he knew, would +leave him at the mercy of his misery and his +desires. For him action was imperative. He +must do, not think, if ever he was to escape from +himself and from Helena. He longed to hand +over the control of himself to some directing +discipline, to slave-drive his body, to tire +himself out in some austere bodily labor which +should have an arbitrary but supreme significance.... +</p> + +<p> +It was thoughts such as these that had +leaped, like a sudden light, into his mind when +the slave had told him that a hermit stood at his +door, and it was for this reason that he roused +himself and ordered the slave to invite the +hermit to enter. +</p> + +<p> +The slave, leaving the mat where he had +laid it, went off to obey, and a few minutes later +Malchus, raising his eyes, saw the hermit +standing in the court, immovable as a vision. He +was an old man, upright and gaunt. The +small, sharply defined features and bright eyes, +looking out from a thicket of gray hair and +short, thick beard, gave an ingenuous, bird-like +look to the sun-tanned face. Over his right +shoulder several long mats were slung, like the +one the slave had brought for Malchus to see, +and strung on a rope which crossed the same +shoulder and was grasped in his right hand he +carried on his back a great bunch of palm-leaf +baskets which rose above the height of his +shoulders on each side of his face. In his left +hand he held a staff. +</p> + +<p> +After Malchus had beckoned to him twice +the old man moved and began slowly to +approach. +</p> + +<p> +"Come, my friend," said Malchus. "I should +like to buy some of your mats and baskets. +Throw them down here and sit down yourself. +My slave will spread out each mat so that I +can examine it." +</p> + +<p> +The hermit flung down his load as if glad to +be eased of it, and Malchus saw that he was +dressed in a rough tunic of untanned goatskin. +He wore it with the hair turned inward against +his body; a fringe of hair showed along the +rough edges about his throat and round each +thigh. His arms and legs were bare and he was +shod with sandals. He ignored the couch which +Malchus had ordered to be brought for him and +sat down on the sample mat, spreading his bent +knees outward and crossing his ankles. Malchus +noticed the sharp shinbones and the +extraordinary thinness and brownness of the legs. +On their hairy, sun-parched skin patches of dry +scurf showed white through the black hairs like +salt on a brick. He sat immovable, with +hanging head and fixed gaze, and there came from +him the pungent animal smell of stale sweat. +Once the smell would have sickened Malchus, +but now it had no repulsion for him, for it +savored of a simple and primitive life free from +the luxuries and refinements against which his +whole soul was in revolt. +</p> + +<p> +"Before we attend to business," he said, "you +must have some food and wine." +</p> + +<p> +The hermit slowly raised his head. "I should +be glad of a handful of dates and a cup of +water," he said in a small, clear, tranquil voice. +</p> + +<p> +"Wine would be better," answered Malchus. +"You are exhausted. A little wine will act as +a tonic." +</p> + +<p> +The old man shook his head. "To give a +tonic to the body," he said, "is to offer a +weapon to the Enemy." +</p> + +<p> +A slave brought him what he had asked for +and he sat silently munching the dates and +sometimes taking a little bird-like sip from the +cup. There was something strangely touching +in the spectacle of him sitting there, quietly +ministering to the bare need of his frail body. +For Malchus, in his present state of mind, he +was a being from another world—a world of +liberation and new powers, mysterious, peaceful, +and ecstatic. In his attitude and his still +gaze there was the limitless serenity of the +desert. Malchus longed to talk to him +intimately and frankly, and after a moment's +thought he sent away the slaves and, leaving +his couch, sat down on the floor near the hermit. +</p> + +<p> +"Listen to me, my father," he said. "I will +buy all your mats and baskets so that you will +not need to wander from house to house, because +I want you to stay here and help me with +your advice." +</p> + +<p> +The old man's voice came clear and calm: +"Why should you ask a foolish man for +advice?" +</p> + +<p> +"You are not foolish, my father." +</p> + +<p> +"I am foolish according to the wisdom of this +world." +</p> + +<p> +"I am not seeking for the wisdom of this +world. I know that you are wise in the wisdom +that I desire." +</p> + +<p> +"If you truly believed that I am wise, you +would not want to ask me questions. You +would follow my example." +</p> + +<p> +"But there are many ways of living wisely—different +ways for different men. Of late, my +father, I have been in great trouble and +bewilderment and I cannot see my way. I desire the +perfect life but I do not know how to find it. +Recently I have read some of the writings of +Plotinus and Proclus and I have found much +that is good and beautiful in them. When they +write of becoming one with the Divine my soul +is drawn to their philosophy, but I am afraid +of a life of thought because I know that I shall +not find peace in thought alone. I hoped that +you might explain to me a better way." +</p> + +<p> +"I can explain nothing. We who are true +Christians have no need of reasoning, because +we have the faith which is made perfect through +the love of the Lord Jesus." +</p> + +<p> +"Is reason, then, of no value?" +</p> + +<p> +"I will ask you a question. Which comes +first, reason or mind? Is reason the source of +mind, or the mind of reason?" +</p> + +<p> +"I should say that the mind was the source +of reason, because reasoning is an activity of +the mind." +</p> + +<p> +The old man nodded his head. "Then is +not a bright and illumined mind greater than +reason? Faith is the divine reason and deeds +are truer and sharper than words." +</p> + +<p> +"Tell me this, at least, my father. If I +become a Christian and a hermit shall I escape +from the love of women and the desires of the +flesh?" +</p> + +<p> +"No. They will assail you more fiercely in +the desert than ever they did in the city." +</p> + +<p> +Malchus sat silent. He was accustomed to +the impassioned arguments of the town and +was surprised that this old man, who had +devoted his whole life to his faith, should have +no desire to convert others to it. On the +contrary, the replies he had given to Malchus's +questions seemed intended to repulse rather +than to draw him toward the hermit life. And +yet, in the small, calm voice there had been no +repulsion. It was unclouded by violence or +stress, more like the sound of running water, +or the murmur of the wind about walls and +roofs. And turning his eyes to the old man +now, he saw that he had relapsed into his +attitude of contemplation, his head bent slightly +forward and his eyes gazing steadfastly before +him; and as Malchus watched him he raised his +right arm without stirring his body and, reaching +over his left shoulder, drew over his head +a linen cowl which Malchus had not noticed +before. It hung to his breast, covering his face, +and when he had dropped his hand to the +ground again he remained immovable in that +attitude, like an idol carved out of wood. +</p> + +<p> +Malchus rose and sat silent on his couch, +occupied with his troubles and vague desires +and afraid to disturb the hermit. But after +an hour of immobility the old man rose, threw +back his head cloth, and began to walk toward +the door. He had forgotten his mats and +baskets, but Malchus followed him and, +touching his arm, offered him a handful of money. +He stopped and took the money with +a nod of the head, and was on the point of +moving again, when Malchus spoke: +</p> + +<p> +"I beg of you to stay here for a day or two, +my father." +</p> + +<p> +The old man turned his quiet, luminous gaze +upon Malchus. "I cannot, my son," he +replied, "for as a fish dies when a man lifts it +from the water, so, if we hermits remain long +among men, our minds become troubled and +perverted. I must return to the city not built +with hands." +</p> + +<p> +"Which way will you go?" +</p> + +<p> +"By the Lake Mareotis." +</p> + +<p> +A sudden impulse made Malchus kneel +down. "Bless me, my father," he said. +</p> + +<p> +The hermit lifted his right hand, and Malchus +heard the small, clear voice above him: +"The blessing of God the Father and Jesus +Christ the Son be upon you." +</p> + +<p> +Malchus rose to his feet. "Tell me your +name, my father?" he asked. +</p> + +<p> +"My name is Serapion," replied the hermit. +He vanished quietly out of the court and +Malchus read in his face and movement that he +was setting out immediately on his long journey +back to the desert.... +</p> + +<p> +After the hermit had gone, Malchus fell +again into meditation. His mind was in that +state of ferment in which transformations +which normally take shape by slow degrees +throughout months and even years, may occur +in the upheaval and agony of a single day. His +soul, disturbed and harassed by the gradual +crumbling of his union with Helena, had +revolted suddenly and violently when she had +deliberately flaunted a new lover in his face, +and he had turned with all the fierceness of his +nature, not against her, but against the whole +life and society of which he and she were a +part. Then, snatching in despair for some support +in the ruin which had engulfed him, he had +seized upon the idea which had attracted him +both in the philosophy of the Neo-Platonists +and in the Christian faith—the idea of a life +isolated and self-sufficing, relying neither on +human relationship nor on material support, +but deriving its strength from a power within +or beyond itself to which it resigned itself +completely. In that idea he had felt a vague +comfort even though the passivity and emptiness +which it seemed to imply had discouraged him. +Upon this the chance arrival of the hermit +Serapion had come as a sudden solution. In +the old man's serene detachment, his primitive +and elemental air, Malchus had felt something +more than a discipline of the mind: these things +spoke of a discipline of the body, a life of +physical battle, strenuous, unrelenting, the +necessary and satisfying counterpart to those battles +of the soul. The brevity of his replies, the +perfect assurance of his faith, had embodied for +Malchus that security after which he was +groping. The hermit's impatience of argument, his +lack of any desire to win over others +to his faith, had roused in him more zeal than +the most impassioned pleading could have +roused. Now as he sat with bowed head he felt +an excitement stirring within him. He was like +one who, having wandered long in the dark, +sees a light moving far ahead and, careless now +of the pitfalls about him, runs straight on, +absorbed body and soul in the pursuit of that +vision of salvation. +</p> + +<p> +It was in this state that his mother found +him when, an hour after the hermit's departure, +she came to visit him. She advanced down the +portico, straight and dignified with her grave +smile, and at the sight of her a sudden longing +rose in him to drop back into his boyhood and +take refuge again in her protecting love. It +was a momentary impulse, no more; for such a +regression, even if it had been possible, would +have carried him back also into a life which +had now grown hateful to him. As he rose to +greet her, she saw the feverish light in his eyes, +and when he had led her into an inner room +and they had sat down side by side, she laid a +cool hand on his forehead. +</p> + +<p> +"Your head is cool," she said. "I was afraid +at first that you had a headache!" And, knowing +that inquiries about his health always +irritated him, she went on, without waiting for +him to speak, to talk of various matters—of +relatives and friends recently seen or heard of, +and of how Malchus's father had just secured +a famous artist to redecorate their dining hall. +</p> + +<p> +"You must come and see the designs when +they are ready," she said. "The house will be +yours some day, so you, as well as your father +and I, must approve of them." +</p> + +<p> +Malchus felt himself suddenly recalled by +that casual remark to the world from which in +spirit he had already traveled so far, and when +his mother went on to speak to him with gentle +anxiety of his future, he saw almost with the +vividness of actuality the life which she +contemplated for him. It was not the life of +luxurious unconventionality which he had led +for the last few years. It was the life of +aristocratic conservatism in which he had been +brought up, and the thought of it repelled him +as much as the gay life against which he was +in revolt. But the sight of his mother's gentle +and earnest face as she leaned toward him with +a little look of inquiry disarmed all show of +antagonism in him. He loved her, and whenever, +as so often happened, their sympathies +clashed, he strove always not to hurt her. +</p> + +<p> +"We have a feast next Thursday," she said +to him. "I know you dislike these solemn +dinners of ours, but come if you have nothing +better to do. It would please your father. +Crassus and Pompilla are coming and are +bringing Julia." +</p> + +<p> +"So you are still plotting, mother!" said +Malchus with a smile. +</p> + +<p> +She smiled back at him. "Well," she +replied, "we have not yet quite given up hope. +You cannot deny, at least, that Julia is an +excellent young woman and that it would be a +very good match. But if you do not care about +her, there are others. What your father and I +are thinking about most is the children. We +were still young when you were born, but your +boyhood prolonged our youth. Since you left +us the house has been too quiet; we feel our +age and long for your children so that with +them we can grow young again. Then, as you +know, your father is ambitious for you. We +are both proud of the fact that for generations +the family has held high positions in the state +and it has been a disappointment to your father +that you have not followed the family tradition." +</p> + +<p> +"I only wish," answered Malchus, "that I +could satisfy you both in this, but politics and +government have no attraction for me, mother. +If I took up a government post I should be an +irritable and disillusioned old man before I +reached forty." +</p> + +<p> +"A thing too horrible to be thought of! Let +us say no more about it, my boy. It is useless, +I fully admit, to do violence to oneself in such +matters. But you can have no such prejudice +against marriage. In that direction, at least, +your father and I can reasonably indulge our +hopes." She rose to depart. "And you will +come to our solemn dinner?" Her lip curled +humorously. +</p> + +<p> +"If I am here, I will come," Malchus replied, +and he accompanied her to the house door and +helped her into her litter. +</p> + +<p><br><br><br></p> + +<p><a id="chap05"></a></p> + +<h3> + <i>Chapter<br> + Five</i> +</h3> + +<p> +The effect of his mother's visit was to +harden Malchus's resolution. The thought of +her alone and his love for her would have made +him hesitate; it was what she represented that +steeled his heart. For the life from which he +was flying and the conventional life of the +Alexandrian aristocracy were facets of the same +hated existence. A shudder of loathing shook +him and he felt within him a smarting sourness +like a physical nausea. It would be useless to +abandon only his own mode of life, for, if he +stayed in Alexandria, sooner or later, he knew, +his parents would recapture him. He must +break away altogether, not only from one +society or the other, but from Alexandria, from +civilization itself. And so he shut the thought +of his mother from his mind, for if he were to +contemplate for a moment the pain he was +about to cause her, his resolution would give +way. He rose and stretched himself, drawing +in a deep breath which surprised him by +turning into a sob. Then with a sudden +determination he went to his bedroom, undressed, and +put on an old leather hunting-suit and a short +cloak, and taking a leather pouch and a water-bottle, +a serviceable staff and a little money, he +went out into the court, crossed it, and without +a glance behind him stepped for the last time +out of the porch of his home.... +</p> + +<p> +But now, as he sat on the deck of the ship +with his face toward the desert, this crowd of +past events had faded for Malchus to no more +than a thin and vaguely colored mist. His +mind could not grasp the actuality of what had +happened; it was numbed into a dream half +tragic, half ecstatic. His bones and muscles +ached from sitting so long on the hard deck and +he stood up and stretched himself. From where +he stood he could see the hermit. He was still +sitting with his head covered in exactly the +same position in which Malchus had found him +when he went on board. Was it possible, +Malchus wondered with awe, that the old man had +never once moved during all those hours? +Having stretched his cramped limbs, he sat +down again, covered his head with his cloak, +and became once more a solitary island of +consciousness in the flux of time and tide. Even +when the rowers stopped rowing and shipped +their oars he did not stir, nor until the dry +creaking of strained ropes told him that the ship +was being hauled up to the landing place. +Then with his cloak over his head he stood up +to watch Serapion. The old man still sat +immovable, but as Malchus watched him, +without any show of surprise or of awakening +consciousness, he calmly and deliberately stood +up, moved slowly along the cumbered deck, +and stepped on to the stone pier. Never once +did he pause or look behind him, but with the +same even pace he crossed the wharf and made +for an opening in the row of white houses which +bordered the lake. Malchus followed him. +There was no danger in following him close, +for, as Malchus knew, he would not look behind +him. +</p> + +<p> +The place where they had landed was no +more than a straggling village, only a narrow +belt of fields and vineyards dividing it from the +desert, and soon their feet were plunging in the +hot, loose sand and the long desert journey had +begun. +</p> + +<p> +For a mile the ground rose, making the labor +of their going more arduous still, for at every +step the sand filtered away downhill beneath +their feet. At first Malchus fretted himself +into a fever, but looking ahead at Serapion, he +saw that he was plodding patiently on, content, +it seemed, that each step should gain a little on +the last; and, striving to imitate him, Malchus +found that the exhaustion which had begun to +assail him was more a matter of the mind than +of the body, and that by shutting down his +attention to the ground immediately in front of +him and his energy to the achievement of the +next step, he was able to preserve both body +and mind from despair. +</p> + +<p> +When next he looked ahead he was almost +at the top of the slope and Serapion had +disappeared. On the summit Malchus paused. +He was standing on a great sandy swell, like an +ocean roller dried into immobility. Halfway +down the slope before him the figure of the +hermit, shrunk to the height of a finger, made its +infinitesimal progress across the undulating +immensity of bleached gold-dust. The stark heat +of the sun struck down as with a tangible weight +and the sultry sand blazed it back, drier and +more oppressive, from below. As far as the +eye could strain there was nothing but sand—sand +smoothed into vast plains, tossed up into +hummocks, heaved into far-running swells, or +exalted terrace above terrace in long broken +ramparts. For a moment Malchus's heart +failed him at a sight of such inhuman desolation. +Then, without looking back, he began the +descent, following the blurred footprints which +ran diminishing in a long curve from where he +stood to the elfin shape toiling with hardly +perceptible movement far ahead. The sifting sand +which had made the ascent so laborious made +the descent easy, and by the time Malchus had +dropped halfway down into the great trough +of the desert he had gained ground on the +hermit whose pace, uphill and downhill, never +varied. Below him, away to the east, three ants +crawled along the bottom of the trough. Minute +by minute they grew larger. They were camels +following the desert track which now began to +show as a wide, traffic-ploughed furrow in the +hollow beneath him. Serapion was crossing it +now, and just before Malchus reached it the +three camels passed in front of him and curved +away northeastward, their foolish vulture +necks straining out before them, the hooded +riders lurching heavily to their awkward gait. +Soon they had vanished into the emptiness, +leaving only their broad spoor to prove that +they were not specters of the wilderness. +</p> + +<p> +The two travelers toiled on through the +blazing afternoon. Serapion never slackened his +pace, and Malchus, his head dizzy with the +heat and glare and his legs aching from the +unaccustomed labor, began to fear that his +strength would fail him. It became more and +more difficult to hold out against the despair +provoked by the treacherous and shifty dust in +which his feet sought vainly for solid resistance. +</p> + +<p> +After he had again lost sight of the hermit, +Malchus reached the summit of a still higher +crest and came upon him not more than ten +yards ahead of him. He was standing motionless, +his arms extended sideways at right angles +to his body, in the form of a cross. Before +them lay a new realm of the desert. From east +to west the sands rolled to the horizon in +endless undulations, but in front of them high +terraced ramparts cloven by ravines buttressed +a vast tableland lifted high above that part of +the desert in which they stood. Malchus sank +to the ground and a delicious relief flowed like +nectar through his aching body and limbs. He +lay full length in the burning sand, his eyes +still fixed on Serapion. The old man, like a +traveler who sees far off his long-desired home, +stood rapt in ecstasy. So long did he stand +that it seemed to Malchus's tired mind that the +shape before him was not a living thing, but a +tree whose gaunt and broken branches had been +withered by a century of suns. Malchus drew +his cloak over his face and closed his eyes. +When he opened them again Serapion had sunk +upon his knees, his head bowed to the ground. +Malchus waited patiently till he should rise +again, for he was determined that, when he did +so, he would reveal himself to him. The hermit +remained long in that attitude, but Malchus +could neither meditate nor pray. His mind and +body were shaken with agitation and he could +do nothing but lie watching Serapion, waiting +anxiously for the thing on which he had set all +his hopes to accomplish itself. +</p> + +<p> +At last the old man rose, and Malchus, +leaping up and stumbling through the deep sand, +ran and seized his left hand in both his own. +The old man seemed to be neither startled nor +surprised, but he fixed his eyes intently on +Malchus and, thrusting his staff upright in the sand, +he made the sign of the cross with his free hand. +</p> + +<p> +"Do not be angry with me, my father," cried +Malchus, falling on his knees and still grasping +the hermit's hand in his. "Yesterday I +abandoned my friends and possessions in +Alexandria and followed you. I overtook you at +the wharf; I was with you on the ship; and I +have followed you all this afternoon through +the sand. Help me, my father, for you only +can help me. I give myself into your hands; +I am your slave." +</p> + +<p> +In sign of his subjection Malchus threw +himself on his face at the hermit's feet. +</p> + +<p> +The old man looked down at the prostrate +body. "My son," he said, "I believe that the +God I serve will help you if you are in need of +help, and that if your designs are evil he will +discover your craftiness." He spoke thus +because he was uncertain whether Malchus was +not an evil spirit sent to tempt him. He +recognized him as the rich Alexandrian to whom +he had sold the work of his hands on the previous +day, but this did not reassure him, for he +knew well that Satan, who loves to lead astray +the chosen of God, has the power to assume +deceiving shapes. But when Malchus neither +cried out nor changed his shape at the sign of +the Cross, Serapion knew that he was innocent, +for no evil spirit is strong enough to resist the +holy sign. +</p> + +<p> +Serapion, therefore, spoke to Malchus, ordering +him to stand up. "For it is not right," he +said, "that you should fall down before one +who is a man like yourself." +</p> + +<p> +Malchus rose to his feet. "What is it that +you seek?" the hermit asked him. +</p> + +<p> +"I seek to become a hermit," replied Malchus. +</p> + +<p> +Serapion fixed upon him a gaze that was +almost fierce. +</p> + +<p> +"You do not know," he said, "what you +seek. It is not possible for you, a man +accustomed to ease and luxury, to become a hermit. +Go back while the light lasts and you can still +follow our tracks. You will reach the lake by +sunset if you start now." +</p> + +<p> +Malchus met the old man's gaze. "I shall +never go back, my father," he said. "However +hard the hermit's life, I know that I shall be +able to endure it. Test me. Whatever you +appoint for me to do, I will do." +</p> + +<p> +"Have I not told you that you do not know +what you are undertaking? If you wish to +leave the world and live a holy life, go to one +of the desert monasteries. There the life is +austere but easy. If, after three or four years +there, you feel a desire for great austerities, it +will then be time enough for you to think of +becoming a hermit." +</p> + +<p> +"But I do not seek for an easy life nor a life +in company with other men. I desire solitude +and the greatest austerities that a man can +undergo and live." +</p> + +<p> +"My son, you do not understand what solitude +in the desert means. When a man is left +face to face with himself he comes near to +madness, and until he has conquered the hunger of +the belly and the desire of women he is +endlessly tormented by dreams and visions. Even +when his desires are subdued, the evil spirits +take on a bodily form, seeking to delude him +by day and torturing him by night, coming +about his cell and sometimes even entering in +and wrestling with him body to body: and they +fill the night with their cries, more terrible than +the cries of the jackals and hyenas." +</p> + +<p> +Malchus waited till the old man had finished +and then laid his hand upon his arm. "Do not +deny me, my father," he said, "for my purpose +is firm." +</p> + +<p> +"I deny you for your good, my son," +answered Serapion, "and now trouble me no +more, for I have spoken too much and I must +delay no longer in returning to the place where +I should be." +</p> + +<p> +As the old man turned away Malchus fell +on his knees and stretched out his arms toward +him. +</p> + +<p> +At that the hermit turned on him, his eyes +keen with anger. "Back!" he shouted, and +snatching his staff out of the sand, he pointed +with it toward the north. Then impetuously +turning away, he began once more with his +tireless mechanical tread to draw the slender +trail of his footsteps onward still further into +the untrodden waste. +</p> + +<p> +Malchus lay for a while where the hermit +had left him. He was broken in body and +chilled to the heart. For the first time the sense +of his utter loneliness came upon him. Serapion's +cruel discouragement of his aspirations +had exhausted him more than all the labors of +the day. Then, easing his heart of a deep sigh, +he wearily rose to his feet and began once again +to toil in the track of the hermit. +</p> + +<p> +For what seemed to be many hours they +tramped across the great level waste stretching +to the foot of the long escarpment which rose +higher and higher as they imperceptibly +approached it. Malchus, dazed by the monotonous +labor of walking and the huge monotony +which surrounded him on all sides, came to feel +that neither he nor the small digit far ahead, to +which he was mysteriously tied by the long +narrowing trail of footsteps, stretched across +the virgin sand, was making any progress, +but rather that they were both condemned +to toil endlessly, fruitlessly, and +meaninglessly, each eternally alone in a landscape +that never changed. Again he shut the outer +world from his attention and with bent head +and abstracted mind followed the trail step by +step, never looking more than one pace ahead. +And when again he raised his eyes it was to +discover with a thrill of awe the golden wall of +the escarpment towering gigantic before him. +Here and there its endless length was broken by +huge violet fissures. One of them opened +immediately in front of him—a narrow ravine +filled with blue shadow. The track that he +followed pointed straight into its mouth and +Serapion had disappeared within. +</p> + +<p> +To enter the cool dimness of the ravine after +the pandemonium of sunshine outside was a +relief so delicious that Malchus dropped to the +ground and, closing his eyes, lay for a while +immovable. But the fear of losing Serapion +soon roused him, and with aching limbs he +continued on his way. The ground rose rapidly +and the passage was for a long distance so +narrow that two laden camels could not have +passed down it abreast. The sandy floor and +the precipitous rocks that walled it were of the +same color as the desert, but here that color, +shaded from the harsh glare of the sun, was +mild and soothing to the eyes. Only, far +overhead where the walls of the ravine inclosed a +narrow channel of blue sky, their jagged +summits blazed like a coping of solid fire. +</p> + +<p> +After a long ascent the ravine bent sharply +eastward, and, having turned the bend, +Malchus came suddenly into an enchanted spot. +For here the passage widened out into a great +hall and there fell upon the sight a delicious +greenness, and on the ears, blurred and +enriched by innumerable echoes, the babble of +flowing water. Malchus stood and drank in +the scene. Not far from where he stood lay a +dark pool in whose center a spring sent up a +cone of silver water which rose and fell +incessantly with a soft musical din so inviting +that he could scarcely restrain himself from +running forward and throwing himself into the +pool. Flowering reeds and long green ferns +waded in its shallow margins, and from the +rock walls festoons of feathery green starred +with white and yellow flowers, hung down till +they trailed upon the grass which covered the +floor. The air was soft and fragrant with +green leaves and the scent of flowers, and it +seemed to Malchus that he had suddenly +stepped into Paradise. At the upper end of +the hollow Serapion lay stretched at full length +under a canopy of hanging green. Malchus +could see from where he stood the regular rise +and fall of his breast. He was asleep; and, +lying in that lovely scene with his goatskin suit, +his tangled hair, and his staff laid on the grass +beside him, he appeared to be no longer the +stern ascetic of the desert, but rather the kindly +Pan of some Greek idyll. Malchus, having +drunk of the pool and bathed his hands and +face, lay down. His whole body, every limb +and every muscle, tingled with relief. A +profound sleepiness descended upon him. The +leaves and rocks about him grew blurred and +his eyes closed; to open them again required an +effort almost beyond his strength. Yet he +dared not sleep for fear Serapion should depart +before he awoke. How blissful to fall asleep +and sleep on till this consuming weariness was +slaked. It was only by recalling that terrible +sense of his utter loneliness which had assailed +him when Serapion had cast him off, that he +held himself to his resolve to persevere. +</p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-089"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-089.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<p> +After what seemed no more than a few +minutes he sat up suddenly in a terror. He +must have slept, and for a long while, +for the hollow was dim with twilight. +The pool was a bubbling vat of liquid +ruby and overhead the summits flared upward +into a sky of crimson fire. The delicious +babble of water still flowed on as if to soothe +away all fear and all change. But Malchus +sprang to his feet. It was too dark to see +if Serapion was still where he had last seen +him, and he hurried stealthily, his heart +fluttering with dread, round the border of the pool. +Then he halted suddenly and struck his hand to +his mouth to stifle a cry of relief, for Serapion +had only moved out into the open and was +seated with his back to him in his familiar +attitude. Malchus was sure that in a few minutes +he would rise and continue his march, and at +the thought that he, too, must rise and leave +that beautiful spot came the other more +overwhelming thought that this was the last time +in his life that he would look upon flowers and +green things and running water. He stretched +out his hand, gathered a broad leaf, and laid +his cheek against it, feeling its cool glossy +texture and breathing in its green fragrance. +Then, moving back to where he had slept, he +loosed his sandals, flung off his cloak and suit, +and stood naked beside the pool. His flesh +shone pearly and dull in the twilight and the +curves of his breast, belly, and thighs caught a +faint rosy lacquer from the gleaming water. +From where he stood he could see the motionless +figure of the hermit. Then he stooped +down, setting the palms of his hands on the +ground, and, extending first one leg and then +the other, slid into the pool. Divine coolness +inclosed him. What bliss to throw up his arms +and sink forever through cool fathoms of peace +and oblivion! But the time was short and after +a brief immersion he crept on to the bank and, +opening his wallet, broke off a piece of his loaf +and allayed his hunger. Then he dressed +quickly, for it was now so dark that he could +not see whether Serapion was still there or not, +and taking up his stick, he went forward. +</p> + +<p> +Serapion was gone, but Malchus could hear +him not very far ahead, stirring the loose stones +whose dry echoes startled the hollow. For, +once the ravine left the spring, it became +barren again and loose stones falling from the +cliffs cumbered the way. The gloom made +progress more difficult, but when at last +Malchus emerged on to the upper desert a huge +moon hung its mottled shield low over the east, +calling a suppressed glimmer from the sand, and +from every stone and every hump and hollow +in the sand a long transparent shadow. +Already its light was strong enough to enable +Malchus to see distinctly the slow shape of +Serapion moving in front of him, and soon it +was sailing remote and brilliant in the deeps of +the sky, and the desert beneath it shone +marvelously white as if shrouded in newly fallen +snow. And as if by the influence of the moon, +so absolute a silence had fallen upon the desert +that at the sense of it the heart stood still and +Malchus took refuge from it by fixing his +attention on the swing of his legs and body as he +followed the ghost-like shape of the hermit, +less real now than the shadow that jutted +blackly from its feet and was drawn onward +horizontally across the sand like a wide black +sleigh. +</p> + +<p> +Suddenly the tense silence broke in a hideous +shriek, and in a moment a chorus of shrieks +followed the first, remote, inhuman, like the +shrieking of tortured souls. Malchus halted, +chilled with terror, and looking anxiously ahead +at Serapion he saw that he too had stopped. +His right arm moved; he was making the sign +of the Cross; and Malchus remembered what +the hermit had told him of the evil spirits that +haunted the desert, taking the form now of +human beings, now of hyenas and jackals. +Following the hermit's example, he too made +the sign of the Cross and whispered a prayer as +he moved again on his way. +</p> + +<p> +So through the long night they tramped +onward, and as, amid the weariness of the body +and the fears of the mind, his thoughts turned +for shelter to the beautiful green hollow in the +ravine, and he realized, with a tremulous +ecstasy mixed with tragic regret, that he had +cast love and beauty, quiet happiness and the +warm joys of the body, behind him forever. +Ahead of him lay only solitude, desolation, and +strange fears, a life of fierce discipline for soul +and body, a terrible and wonderful life whose +grimness held for his restless and fanatic soul +the keen, indestructible beauty of a diamond. +</p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-094"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-094.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<p><br><br><br></p> + +<p><a id="chap06"></a></p> + +<h3> + <i>Chapter<br> + Six</i> +</h3> + +<p> +Upon a high, desolate terrace looking +eastward across descending waves of desert to +where the Nile gleamed like the track of a snail +under the long ramparts of the further shore, +Serapion's cell stood half sunk in the loose sand. +A mound of sand, driven up by the prevailing +wind, buried its northern wall to within a few +feet of the roof. The southern and western +walls were less deeply buried, and on the +eastern side a little trench which the hermit kept +clear of the encroaching sand led up to the +door. There was no sign of other habitation; +the little hut stood alone, a solitary watch +tower beneath which the illimitable desert +extended north, east, and south, its pure unbroken +desolation changing hour by hour from the +blandest to the most sinister beauty, but always +unreal, unearthly as some waste of the +unpeopled moon. +</p> + +<p> +The sun was dropping toward the west; soon +it would dip below the sandy ridge that rose +behind the cell, and Malchus sat in the sand, +leaning his back against the south wall, and +watched the slanting shadow which would +soon inclose him. It was the moment when +the long-hoped-for respite from the torrid heat +of the day descends like balm upon the desert. +Malchus sighed and leaned back his head +against the warm stone wall. He felt as weak +as if he were at the end of a severe illness, and +when he drew in his breath his head, filled with +a strange dizziness, seemed to grow light and +unsubstantial. The desert journey had been +long and exhausting. With little interval for +rest the hermit and his undesired disciple had +toiled on through hours of torrid daylight and +moonlit darkness, and it was night again when +they reached their journey's end. +</p> + +<p> +Following Serapion cautiously, Malchus +had watched him in the snowy moonlight +as he entered his cell, and had then crept +round to the back of it and lain down in the +sand. He had no plan for the future. It was +sufficient for him that he had arrived at his +journey's end. Now Serapion could hardly +refuse to help him. To prove to him that he +was capable of severe asceticism, Malchus had +determined to eat no more of his loaf. It lay +in the wallet at his side, an endless temptation. +His only indulgence was to take a little sip of +water from his leather bottle twice a day. +When first he had arrived he had sunk, from +sheer exhaustion, into a heavy sleep which had +lasted till long after dawn. But the following +night, soon after he had fallen asleep, a +wild howl close beside him had roused him in +terror and he had seen a dog-like shape with +drooping hind quarters slinking away through +the moonlight. Those drooping hind quarters +thrilled him with horror; they suggested +something foul and unnatural, half vermin and half +devil, and the thought that some such prowling +creature might fall upon him while he slept +had thrown him into a condition of alternate +sleep and startled waking which was more +exhausting than sleeplessness. Sometimes those +shriller shrieks which had terrified him as he +crossed the desert by night had broken out not +far from where he lay, and he had seen black +dog-like shapes moving along the sky line of +the rising ground behind the cell. +</p> + +<p> +Two days passed and Malchus neither saw +nor heard the smallest sign of Serapion; yet +each morning, shortly after dawn, he was +aware, as if by some new sense, that the hermit +issued from his cell and after a few moments +went in again, and on the third day, as dawn +was breaking, he saw him standing, a pale +wraith on the pale sand, looking at him. He +stood for so long that it seemed impossible to +Malchus that, if he had been human, he would +not have moved. Then, without word or sign, +he turned and the wall of his cell hid him +from view. Another day passed and that sole +appearance of Serapion took on in Malchus's +memory the nature of a vision. Worldly realities +began to fade into something less apprehensible +but more intense; his life passed like +a strange, slow dream whose mood fluctuated +with the oppression of the daytime, the sweet, +too brief respite of evening, the dread of night, +and the blessed consolation of returning dawn. +At dawn and again at noon and nightfall he +tried to meditate and pray, but when he did so +a strange, serene apathy came upon him, like +the apathy of the dying, and it seemed as if +his heart and brain had dissolved into a mist. +And by degrees his thoughts dwindled to +nothing but thoughts of food and drink. +</p> + +<p> +At night he dreamed of meat and wines. +He sat again in his old home or in the house of +a friend and watched the slaves enter, carrying +dishes of delicious viands to which the desire +of his soul reached out in delighted +anticipation. Then the great crystal flagons would +be set upon the tables; but always as the guests +began to take their places he awoke to his gnawing +hunger and remembered once more that he +would never again eat dainty food; and, racked +by the craving of his belly, he felt that he could +have sold his immortal soul for food. Even +in his waking moments, visions of food and +drink began to tantalize him and often he +would find that he had fallen into a long revery +in which he was devising elaborate meals and +lingering lovingly over the details. Then, +with an effort of the will, he would banish +these vain imaginings from his mind and try to +fix his thoughts upon God and the soul. +</p> + +<p> +At other times he lost the sense of hunger +and fell into a mood of tremulous exaltation in +which his senses seemed to have been refined +of all that is earthly and physical. In that +mood he ceased to be aware of the past or the +future and existed in a present of subtle and +fragile ecstasy too keen to be called pleasure +and too exalted for pain. This state would +hold him for hours and then it would crumble +as if consumed by its own intensity, and in its +place would come a black and mundane despair, +or again that tyrannous craving for food +which excluded all else. On the fourth day +of his fast he had yielded so far to his craving +as to open his wallet and take out the fragment +of bread. The torrid heat of the desert had +dried it to the hardness of a brick, but to +Malchus, as he crouched on his knees, holding +it in his hands as if it were some holy relic, it +seemed a thing more precious than pure gold. +He ran his hands lovingly over it, feeling a +delight in the associations which it evoked. Then +he bowed his head to it and smelled it, and +instantly, as he ravenously drew in the savor of +it, his bodily nature became one vibrating chord +of desire. He felt the spittle collect in his +mouth, and in another moment he would have +been gnawing wolfishly at the crust if he had +not, by a supreme effort of will, flung it far +from him on to the sand and, with a cry like the +cry of a wounded animal, covered his eyes with +his hands. The smell of the bread still lingering +on his hands prolonged his struggle, but +soon he had gained a firmer control of himself +and, bowed down as he was, he fell into a long, +passionate prayer. +</p> + +<p> +When he opened his eyes again he saw +before him on the sand a shadow like the +shadow of a tree trunk. He raised his head. +Serapion stood there gazing at him. Malchus +felt the heart leap in his breast, but +he neither moved nor spoke. He remembered +the fierceness with which Serapion had rejected +him in the desert and he expected that now he +would be still more angry. But the old man +was contemplating him calmly and with a look +in which there was no trace of anger, and +presently Malchus heard the quiet voice which had +stirred him so deeply when they had talked in +Alexandria. +</p> + +<p> +"What do you seek?" +</p> + +<p> +"I seek to become a hermit," Malchus replied. +</p> + +<p> +"While I watched you just now," said Serapion, +"the evil spirits were hovering about your +head in the likeness of flies. If I had not +rebuked them they would have settled on you." +</p> + +<p> +"I am ready to war with evil spirits," +Malchus answered, "and with God's help I +shall overcome them." +</p> + +<p> +"I have told you," said the hermit, "that, +being a man long accustomed to ease and +luxury, it is impossible for you to become a +hermit. If you wish to fly from your former +life, return at least to the village on Lake +Mareotis where we entered the desert, and work +for your living there in the fields." +</p> + +<p> +But still Malchus persisted. "Tell me what +I ought to do to become a hermit, and I will +do it." +</p> + +<p> +"I have told you," answered the old man, +quietly, "that it is not possible for you to +become a hermit, but if you wish to lead the holy +life, go to a desert monastery; there they will +receive you. Here I live alone and often I eat +only once in five days, and even then I do not +eat a full meal." +</p> + +<p> +He said this to dissuade Malchus from his +impossible ambition. But Malchus replied: +"For the last four days, my father, I have eaten +nothing. There on the sand are the remains +of the loaf which I last tasted before the end of +our journey." +</p> + +<p> +The old man, gazing at Malchus, knew that +what he said was true. "Rise up," he said, +"and get the bread which you threw away, and +come into the cell." +</p> + +<p> +Malchus obeyed. The doorway of the cell +opened into a little room whose floor was the +bare sand, and its walls the same rough stones +as the exterior. A table stood near the door, +on it a mug and two earthenware dishes, and a +bench beside it; on the floor lay a sheepskin +and a great heap of dried palm leaves, and +from pegs in the wall hung a full sack and a +goatskin containing water. A doorless opening +led to a small inner chamber having an altar +and a wooden crucifix, and, at the height of a +man standing, a little window guarded by two +wooden bars. +</p> + +<p> +Malchus stood in the doorway with his fragment +of loaf in his hand, waiting to be invited +to enter; but Serapion took no notice of him. +He was lifting down the water skin from its +peg and, untying the neck, he poured some +water into a dish. Then, going to the sack, +he took out a little loaf and, dipping it in the +water, began to eat. Malchus expected that he +would invite him to eat, too, but Serapion had, +it seemed, forgotten him, and Malchus, +unable to endure the sight of another man eating, +turned away his eyes and leaned his weary +body against the door-post. +</p> + +<p> +When Serapion and finished eating he stood +up and began to chant the psalm called "De +Profundis." Malchus stood upright and, as +Serapion proceeded to chant the same psalm +many times over, he joined in the chanting. +When Serapion had chanted the psalm twelve +times he fell on his knees and began to pray +aloud, saying prayers up to the number of +twelve. He did all these things in order to test +the patience and forbearance of Malchus. But +Malchus joined gladly in the psalms and +prayers, for he felt that he was now receiving +direction and help in what he should do. +</p> + +<p> +When they had finished it was already late +in the evening and, as Serapion seemed again +to have forgotten him, Malchus resolved to +return to his place outside. It seemed to him +now a terrible thing to be going back to that +state of spiritual torpor which came upon him +in his loneliness whenever he had conquered +the fierce obsession of bodily hunger; and so he +turned, before leaving his cell, to Serapion. +</p> + +<p> +"Will you not give me some rule, my father," +he asked, "for meditation and prayer, for it is +hard, without experience, to know how best to +turn the soul to God." +</p> + +<p> +Serapion was silent. He was considering +the case of this young man so stubbornly +determined to take upon himself the hard life of +the hermit. He considered how he had fasted +for four days and then, when bitterly +disappointed in his hope of food, had been glad to +join in the long psalm-singing and prayers, and +how he had lain in the open unprotected for +four nights and was ready now to go back +uncomplaining to his place. And seeing so much +good will waiting only for guidance to express +itself in good works, the hermit was touched +and, stretching out his hand in the dark, he took +Malchus by the cloak and drew him back into +the cell and toward the doorway of the small +inner chamber. "Go in," he said, "and twelve +times throughout the night you shall recite the +psalm which we recited this evening. This +you must do standing, but between every +repetition kneel down and meditate upon the words +until they become the very words of your soul +crying to God." +</p> + +<p> +Malchus groped his way into the little oratory +and stood before the altar. To spend the night +within four walls, undisturbed by the fear of +prowling beasts, was for him the most blessed +ease. Though his body was feeble from fasting +and his brain dizzy from lack of sleep, his soul +was warm with happiness at the prospect of +passing the night as Serapion had instructed +him, for it seemed now that he had been rescued +from his own doubt and ignorance and that +Serapion was beginning to relent toward him. +He was glad that he had been set to perform +not only a discipline of the soul, but also a +discipline of the body. Once during the night, +as he knelt in meditation, it seemed to him that +his soul floated away from his body, and he +saw his body bowed down before the altar and, +standing upon the altar above him, the figure +of a man with wings. Great wings they were, +curving high above his shoulders and reaching +downward to his heels, and every feather of +them was plumed with rays of light. The +figure grew clearer, brighter, it seemed to +pulsate with the intensity of its brightness. Then +Malchus's soul began to return to his body, his +body roused itself with a little shudder, and he +sat up on his heels and stared at the dark altar +with a dazed mind. But the memory of the +vision filled him with encouragement and he +raised his aching body and stood again to recite +the psalm. +</p> + +<p> +When the daylight returned an unearthly +peace had settled upon him. The voice of +Serapion called him from the outer chamber, +and Malchus found him standing at his table +before a heap of dried palm leaves. +</p> + +<p> +"My father," he said to the old man, "I feel +that my soul is at rest." +</p> + +<p> +The hermit looked up from a palm leaf +which he was tearing into strips. "For a little +while," he replied, "that is well." +</p> + +<p> +"And it is not always well for the soul to be +at rest?" +</p> + +<p> +"No, my son, for it is by war and strife, and +not by rest, that the soul advances in spiritual +excellence." +</p> + +<p> +"Is it then wrong to pray to be delivered +from strife?" +</p> + +<p> +"When strife comes upon us we must pray, +not that the strife may be removed, but that +we may have patience to overcome the strife." +</p> + +<p> +"And what if I find myself for a long time at +peace?" +</p> + +<p> +"Then you must pray to God to let the strife +return to you." +</p> + +<p> +"But if strife is good, why do they that seek +God fly from the towns and villages where, as +I well know, there is endless strife for the +soul?" +</p> + +<p> +"Because worldly strife blinds and oppresses +the soul; but here in the desert a man finds only +the strife of the heart which is the path of +spiritual excellence. Here the spirit is free +from those other kinds of strife—the strife +which arises from the ears, the eyes, and the +mouth. But now," he said, "you must watch +me so as to learn how to make mats and ropes +of palm leaves. These dried palm leaves must +be split up into ribbons, and when we have a +good supply of ribbons we must lay them in the +trough to soak." +</p> + +<p> +As he spoke he was splitting up the leaves +into long, narrow strips, tearing the leaf always +along the grain, and when Malchus saw how +the splitting was done he took a leaf and began +to tear it in the same way. +</p> + +<p> +"This," the old man went on, "is the easiest +part of the work. It needs no more than a little +care and neatness. But when we have finished +the splitting I can show you at once how to +plait, for I set some other strips to soak last +night, that we should not be delayed by having +to wait for these to soak, for the soaking is a +matter of some hours." +</p> + +<p> +The hermit ceased to talk and he and +Malchus continued to work on the heap of +leaves till Malchus's fingers, unhardened as yet +by manual work, were covered with painful +cuts from the sharp-edged leaves. When the +whole heap was finished, the hermit stooped +and, turning back the sheepskin which lay on +the floor, disclosed a stone trough from which +he lifted a dripping sheaf of ribbons which had +been soaking all night. These he laid on the +table and, having done so, threw into the trough +those which they had just split. "Now," he +said, "you must watch carefully;" and choosing +the most suitable strips, he began slowly +but with the deftness and precision of an expert +to plait the first rows of a narrow mat. Having +done so, he took the work to pieces and +repeated the operation three times. And when he +had plaited it again a fourth time he handed +the piece to Malchus. "Now," he said, "take +it, and take these soaked strips, too, and sit +down outside in the shadow of the cell and +continue from the point at which I stopped. +Take also the sheepskin there, so that you can +lay the strips on it and keep them out of the +sand. When you have woven to the length of +your arm, let me see what you have done." +</p> + +<p> +Malchus obeyed, and for three hours he sat +laboring patiently at the work, while the free +ends of the strips escaped repeatedly from his +inexperienced fingers and worked themselves +loose, and the chafing of the strips hurt the +cuts in his fingers, which were becoming more +and more painful. When at last he had woven +an arm's length he took it in for Serapion to +inspect. The old man examined it critically, +and then without a word unplaited all that +Malchus had done. "The weaving is very +loose," he said. "See that it is closer next +time." +</p> + +<p> +Malchus humbly took up the unraveled +strips and went out to begin again. It was +now the height of noon. Sky, sand, and +surrounding air radiated a sultry glow, and +Malchus, becoming every hour more feeble, +felt as if he were imprisoned in an oven. So +far from gaining any facility in weaving, it +seemed to him that he was becoming more and +more clumsy and, to add to his difficulties, the +strips, creased and twisted by the first weaving, +would not conform to a new texture. His +fingers were bleeding now; the blood was staining +the strips; and when after two hours he had +finished, he found that his weaving was as loose +as before. When he went in despair to show +this new attempt to Serapion, the old man +looked up impatiently and remarked, after a +scornful glance at the work, that it was no +better than before. "Take it to pieces and +begin again," he ordered, and Malchus, +concealing his bitter discouragement, went out and +did so, trying again to improve the work. But +by this time the strips were so creased and +strained that even the greatest adept could have +made nothing of them, and when Malchus, +after a long, disheartening struggle, had +finished, he saw that the weaving was now +looser than ever. Tears of vexation stood in +his eyes. He had been at work for over six +hours and he was exhausted in body and mind. +The pain from his fingers aggravated the pain +in his heart and he felt that if Serapion set him +to do the work for a fourth time he would be +unable to prevent himself from breaking into +sobs. But when Serapion had again examined +the work, he laid it aside without remark and, +turning to Malchus, asked him, "Will you eat, +my son?" +</p> + +<p> +The sudden release from the long strain +almost snapped the feeble cord of Malchus's +self-control. Tears ran down his cheeks, but +with a last effort he mastered himself. "You +know best, my father," he answered, "what is +right for me to do." +</p> + +<p> +The hermit, without further speech, set a +dish of water on the table and, bringing a shell +full of salt and four small loaves from the +sack, he signed to Malchus to sit down with +him at the table. Then he gave Malchus one +of the loaves, and himself took Malchus's dry +and sandy fragment, and they began to eat +together, dipping their loaves in the water to +soften them. +</p> + +<p> +The hard, stale stuff seemed to Malchus +more delicious than the rarest of the delicacies +he had tasted at the feasts of Alexandria. The +savor of it on his tongue and in his nostrils +filled all his physical being with delight; but +he forced himself to eat slowly, trembling lest +his gluttony should become apparent to Serapion +and should discredit him in his eyes. +</p> + +<p> +When they had finished, Serapion spoke +again. "My son," he said, "will you eat another +loaf?" +</p> + +<p> +"If you will eat another, my father, I will +do so," answered Malchus; "but if you will not, +neither will I." +</p> + +<p> +"I have had enough," Serapion replied, "for +I am a hermit and I have eaten already to-day." +</p> + +<p> +"Then, I, too, have had enough," said +Malchus, "for I seek to become a hermit." +</p> + +<p> +Serapion dropped the other two loaves into +the sack again, for he knew that after so long +a fast it would be better for Malchus to eat no +more; and seeing that his strength was almost +spent for lack of repose, he bade him lie down +in the cell and sleep, "for fasting and watching," +he said, "are in themselves worth nothing, +but only in so far as they minister to the soul." +</p> + +<p><br><br><br></p> + +<p><a id="chap07"></a></p> + +<h3> + <i>Chapter<br> + Seven</i> +</h3> + +<p> +Malchus had been with Serapion for +forty days and during all that time he had +followed with gladness the orderly rule of life +which the hermit prescribed. His thoughts +and desires, surfeited of the refined sensuality +of his former life, turned easily to this new life +in which every privation and every act of +discipline was for him a revolt against the +hated past. It seemed as if his mind had been +purged of desire, for during all that time he +was untroubled by the lusts of the flesh; and as +Serapion permitted him every evening to eat +a small meal of bread and salt or of dried dates, +the dreams and reveries concerning food and +wine had ceased to molest him. He had soon +mastered the art of plaiting palm leaves and +could now make ropes, mats, and baskets which +would be good enough to sell; and when the +hours of prayer and meditation were over he +fell to work on a mat or basket, rejoicing to +see his own handiwork grow under his fingers. +Only twice during these forty days had any +human soul penetrated into the empty desert +which inclosed them. Once when Malchus was +chanting a psalm in the oratory he was +surprised by the sound of a strange voice calling +out a greeting which was answered by the voice +of Serapion. At the sound of it Malchus forgot +his chanting and, driven by curiosity, began to +listen avidly to the conversation which followed +the greeting. But Serapion called to him, +bidding him continue his devotions, and putting +a great constraint upon himself, he forced +himself to continue until he had finished the +appointed service. By that time there was silence +in the cell, and when he came into the outer +room he found Serapion alone. The old man +did not speak, and Malchus, knowing that this +silence was intended as a rebuke to his +curiosity, took up a half-woven basket and went +out. Far below him, swaying faintly above its +black shadow on the immaculate sweep of the +desert, a figure no larger than a weevil toiled +southward toward the remoter deserts of +Thebaid; and who he was and why he had come to +the cell Malchus never knew. +</p> + +<p> +The second visitor had come a few days +later, leading an ass laden with baskets and +sacks. An hour before he arrived, Malchus, +who sat weaving a basket outside the cell, had +seen a small dark blot moving upon the stainless +face of the desert. He had watched it +until it split into two blots, one larger than +the other, and then tiny moving images of man +and beast had grown slowly to creatures of +natural size. When they had reached the foot of +the slope below the cell, the driver had left +his beast and climbed the sliding bank alone. +He carried a leather sack slung over his left +shoulder. The ass stood patiently below, +flapping each ear alternately; from where he sat, +Malchus could see the swarm of flies swaying +like smoke about its head. The man had +reached the top of the slope. It was evident +that he did not see Malchus, for he approached +the cell cautiously, as if hoping to escape +notice. But before he could reach the door +Serapion came out, and after they had greeted +each other he took from the stranger the sack +he was carrying, and then held out his hand. +The stranger made a gesture of refusal. "Do +not repay me, brother," he said, "for by accepting +them as a gift you will confer a blessing +on me." +</p> + +<p> +"Take the payment that is your due, +brother," answered Serapion; "for has not the +Lord Jesus commanded us to owe no man anything?" +</p> + +<p> +The stranger took the money that Serapion +offered. "It shall go, then, to some one who +has need of it," he said. That was the end of +their talk. Serapion carried the sack into the +cell, and presently brought it back empty; the +stranger took it and with a brief farewell +departed, and it seemed to Malchus a marvelous +thing that, living alone in that inhuman desolation, +the hermit should not be tempted to delay +his visitor in talk. +</p> + +<p> +When he had finished weaving the basket, +Malchus returned to the cell and found the +hermit standing by the table, which was +covered with many little loaves of bread and a +jar of oil. "By God's mercy," he said, "Brother +Apollonius has brought us enough food for +thirty days, and so I shall be spared the journey +to the monastery in Nitria, which is the nearest +place where bread can be obtained. That +brother was once a merchant in Alexandria, +but, being desirous to lead the holy life, he left +his business and departed to Nitria; and since +he was unable either to learn any handicraft or +to watch and fast to any great degree, he took +upon himself to go at regular intervals to +Alexandria and buy there the things required +by the brethren; and besides this, he carries +pomegranates and raisins and eggs and other +needful things to them that are sick among the +hermits that live round about Nitria. Nor is +that all; for when that is done, he goes forth, +as now, to visit the hermits who live many +miles beyond, bringing to them the things without +which a man cannot live. But for this he is +unwilling to receive payment, doing it for +God's sake, and often when I have been absent +from this cell, or praying in the oratory, I have +afterward found food set upon the window-sill +or left at the door. So has Brother Apollonius +found for himself a way in which he can serve +God and benefit the faithful." +</p> + +<p> +While he was speaking, Serapion had taken +from the sack the loaves which still remained +there. There were only three of them. "See!" +he said to Malchus. "If Brother Apollonius +had not come to-day, I should have had to set +out for Nitria to-morrow." Then with +Malchus's help he dropped all the new loaves +into the sack till it hung from its peg +full-bellied as the carcass of a hind which a hunter +has slung by the feet from the wall of his cabin. +</p> + +<p> +"But the water skin, too, is almost empty," +said Malchus. +</p> + +<p> +"To-morrow," replied Serapion, "I am going +to refill it." +</p> + +<p> +He spoke as if it were an easy matter, and +Malchus supposed, therefore, that there must +be some spring not far off. But Serapion told +him that the nearest spring was five miles away; +"and this spring," he said, "is dry for two +months of the year, and when last I filled the +skin from it, on the day before I started for +Alexandria, I saw that it was beginning to run +dry. It will be quite dry by this time and so I +must go to the river." +</p> + +<p> +"But the river is many miles away," said +Malchus. +</p> + +<p> +"It is fifteen miles from here," answered the +old man, "and as there is no moon at present +I shall have to start early so as to reach the +river before nightfall. At the first hint of +daylight I shall start back, and before sunset +I shall be here." +</p> + +<p> +"I will come and help you," said Malchus, +"for the skin, when full, must be a heavy load." +</p> + +<p> +But the hermit would not allow Malchus to +accompany him, and next day, when Malchus +had finished his prayers, he found that +Serapion was gone and the skin was gone from the +wall, and, running out-of-doors, he espied, far +off, the small figure which had grown so +familiar to him during the long journey from +Alexandria. Already it was halfway across the +plain which extended, smooth as a sea of milk, +from the foot of the steep descent beneath him +to the next great wave of the desert. For a +long time Malchus stood watching it with a +strange sinking at the heart. Then he turned +to his plaiting, and when he looked again +Serapion had vanished over the next crest. +</p> + +<p> +For the first time Malchus was face to face +with utter solitude, and at the sense of it a +profound loneliness descended upon him. He +discovered now that, even during the hours +when he had been unable to see or hear +Serapion, he had always, by some unknown sense, +felt the comfort of his companionship. For +little by little, without being aware of it, he +had fastened upon the old man all those bonds +of human affection which he had so ruthlessly +severed when he fled from Alexandria. Serapion +had become for him his father, his mother, +and his dear friend, and, deprived of him, he +was deprived of everything. Everything but +himself, for now, as in a fever, he had become +sharply aware of himself as a thing separate +from all else. At the same time vivid memories +of his former life began to assail him. One +after another they flowed through his mind, +each with its own keen emotion; and last of +all the face of Helena flashed upon his inner +eye with the heart-shaking clearness of reality. +He cried out aloud and, not knowing what he +did, sprang to his feet and ran into the cell, as +though to take refuge from some specter or +prowling beast. There he fell on his knees and +hid his face in his hands. The discovery that +he had not, after all, escaped from the past, +that he bore it still stored up within him and +ready to spring to life and torture him in his +moments of weakness, filled him with bitter +discouragement. Crouching there immovable, +he prayed passionately for strength, and after +a while strength came to him and he rose from +his knees and returned to his weaving. He had +by now become so expert that he could work +blindfold, and he sat now with his head cloth +drawn over his face to keep off the flies which +through the hot hours incessantly plagued every +living thing. But now the hot, veering note of +their buzzing brought comfort to him, for it +raised a screen of sound between him and the +huge silence which inclosed him, and soon the +busy monotony of manual labor lulled his +heart into resignation, and at last even into +contentment. He was completing the largest +mat he had yet made, and when he had finished +the last rows he secured the loose ends and, +standing up, spread it out on the sand. The +texture was beautifully close and even. Malchus +heaved a sigh of accomplishment and surveyed +it with pleasure. But as he did so there +came into his mind the occasion on which he +had first completed a mat of sound workmanship +and had carried it proudly to Serapion. +Serapion had examined it carefully, nodding +his head many times over it, and had then, +without comment, spent an hour in pulling it +to pieces. The ruthless destruction of his +handiwork had pained Malchus deeply, and +for the first time his heart had risen in revolt +against the hermit; but he had controlled his +tongue and had gone out and lain for an hour +sulking behind the cell. By that time his pride +had submitted and he was at peace again. In +the evening Serapion had recited many times +over the verses which contain that command of +the Lord Jesus, "Set not your affections upon +things of the earth"; and when Malchus had +learned it by heart Serapion had set him to +meditate upon it, "and do not forget, my son," +he had said, "that to cast off the world of men +is nothing, for unless a man has also cast off +the smallest earthly delight, his soul is still of +this world." And next morning, as Malchus +went out to work, Serapion had looked up and +said to him, "You have now mastered the art +of plaiting leaves." +</p> + +<p> +That memory now rose to rebuke his pleasure +in the mat which he had just finished, but +this time he did not revolt against the rebuke; +he only lamented his failure to progress in the +attainment of perfection, and in order to purge +from his heart the smallest taint of pride, he +sat down and sternly set himself to pick the +beautiful mat to pieces. It was a slow process, +not only because the mat was large, but also +because he was taking care not to strain the +ribbons, for he was determined to weave them +into baskets. And when at last he had quite +undone the work of many days, he set to work +at once on the first of the baskets and worked +on until it was finished. +</p> + +<p> +By that time the sun had set. Arched +immeasurably above the earth, the sky, deep +beyond deep, was one great flame of scarlet. +Blood-red and luminous, the desert from +horizon to horizon blazed it back until in that +world of sultry, all-pervading glow the very +air seemed red. It was a moment of mysterious +intensity, the symbol, it seemed, of that august +sacrifice in which the divine blood had been +poured upon the world as an atonement for the +sins of man. Malchus, caught into a holy +exaltation, stood with uplifted arms; the huge +gray crucifix of his shadow extended down the +long slope from his feet. "Redeem me also, +O blessed Lord," he prayed; "burn out my sins +with the fire of thy blood." +</p> + +<p> +The moment faded. The face of the desert +grew ashen-gray and soon the earth-floored, +heaven-roofed furnace had changed to a pallid +and desolate cavern from whose emptiness the +chilled heart recoiled. Malchus lowered his +arms, and as he did so a sudden draught +fluttered past him and within a few feet from where +he stood a little whirlwind troubled the sand. +It grew, and soon a grim and threatening wraith +rose upward to a giant's height and towered +above him. The whirling sand had gathered +itself into a human body. Malchus, speaking +aloud the name of Christ, made the Sign +of the Cross, and the life went out of the wraith +and it collapsed into dust before his eyes. But +the sight of it had troubled him. It was as if +it had arisen, hard upon the divine mystery of +the sunset, as a sign of that other mystery in +which are hidden the powers of darkness and +evil. A cold spasm shook his body, and, +gathering together his work, he retreated into +the cell and by the last vestiges of twilight ate +his single meal of bread and salt. +</p> + +<p> +He ate slowly because he dreaded the long, +empty hours of darkness which lay before him; +for now, for the first time, he realized complete +isolation. He stared at the darkness of the cell +and it seemed to him that it was thick and +spongy, a gloom grown palpable. But the +silence was more terrible than the darkness; its +infinity and its horrible imminence shriveled +his soul; its intensity seemed every moment to +be on the point of concentrating into some +terrible climax. Later in the night, he knew, +it would break in those shrieks and howls +which were even more harrowing than silence +itself, and he found himself dreading the +moment when the first howl should come. Yet +silence and darkness and all the fears of the +night could do nothing, he well knew, against +the perfect safety to be found in prayer, and +his mind turned to the oratory. But he felt a +strange reluctance to move. If he moved, he +felt, he would loose all these waiting terrors +that had gathered silently about the cell. He +controlled himself sternly and, standing up, +repeated aloud the psalm which begins, "Save +me, O God; for the waters are come even unto +my soul." The sound of his own voice +reassured him and the silence moved farther +away. +</p> + +<p> +When he had repeated the psalm twice he +groped toward the oratory and paused for a +moment in the doorway. Though he heard and +saw nothing, he knew that the oratory was not +empty. He waited with beating heart, and +suddenly a fluttering, intermittent draught +smote his face with soft, impalpable blows. +Fear clutched at his heart, a fear which leaped +up into horror at a sudden pattering of hands +against the bars of the little window. With +his right hand Malchus made the holy sign +upon the darkness and repeated again the same +psalm. When he had finished it he paused +again, and now he could feel that the cell was +empty. Then with a braver heart he entered +and began his nightly prayers and meditations, +and as he prayed aloud a warm sense of security +settled upon him. Only when he stopped praying +and fell to meditating did the terrible +silence return, pouring in upon him through the +window, welling coldly through the doorway, +bringing a sense of the draughty void that +encompassed him, till his soul struggled as if +in deep water, and again he took refuge in +prayer. He prayed until his words stumbled +into nonsense and his body swayed like a tree +in the wind, and, feeling that he was going to +fall, he leaned against the wall of the cell. +The relief of even that little respite sent a +wave of luxurious numbness through his body; +his heavy eyelids dropped for a moment as if +by their own weight. Then slowly the dark +form of a human head took shape upon a +background of cloudy gold. It cleared, brightened, +took on color and life, and the face of Helena +gazed at him with shining eyes and parted lips +of kindling passion. His own lips moved and +he muttered her name with slow, incredulous +delight. +</p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-131"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-131.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<p> +Instantly long, derisive shrieks broke in upon +the silence, then other shrieks, and others still, +filling the night with an infernal chorus which +roused into ghastly life the boundless void +about the cell. Malchus sprang shuddering +from his dream. His body was cold with fear, +for he was convinced now that these nightly +shrieks were in very truth the voices of those +powers of evil which tower up out of the sand +or lurk expectant in the silence, waiting for the +moment when one of the faithful, flagging in +the endless contest, should yield to them an +accession of power. He prayed loudly and +fervently, and soon the shrieks grew fainter, +dying in bayings and howlings miles away +down the wilderness. +</p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-132"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-132.jpg" alt="oodcut"> +</p> + +<p> +For the remainder of the night Malchus, +beating his breast and wrestling with bodily +exhaustion and flagging spirits, persevered in +prayer, remembering what Serapion had told +him of the power of prayer. For once, +Serapion had said, when he and the Abba Macarius +had stood by night in the open desert, they had +seen a great column of light set upon a hilltop +and reaching up into the sky, and the blessed +Macarius had told him that it was the prayers +of the monks in the great monastery of Nitria +ascending to the everlasting throne. And at +last, as if in answer to Malchus's prayers, a +gray, watery light filled the cell and the little +window became a gleaming square, pure and +clear as the gleam on a silver shield. Malchus, +cold and exhausted, felt his soul thrilled by the +blessed redemption of daylight, and, dragging +his stiffened body into the outer chamber, he +opened the door and went out. +</p> + +<p> +Below him the infinite gray desert lay +dwarfed and shrunk beneath a vast sheaf of +golden light springing far beyond the blue hills +which bordered the Nile. It was as though the +prayers of all faithful throughout the length +and breadth of Egypt had been gathered +together into the east. And somewhere, an +invisible atom in the lower grayness, Malchus +knew that Serapion must at that moment be +toiling back to him under the heavy load of +the water skin. +</p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-134"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-134.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<p><br><br><br></p> + +<p><a id="chap08"></a></p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-135"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-135.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<h3> + <i>Chapter<br> + Eight</i><br> +</h3> + +<p> +With the return of day Malchus's mind +grew calm again and he remembered the terrors +and struggles of the night as a man remembers +vaguely the fever that has left him. Throughout +the day he followed scrupulously the appointed +order of his life, but as the day declined +the prospect of Serapion's return roused in him +an expectancy so keen that he could with +difficulty prevent himself from running down the +hill and starting off across the plain to meet the +old man. But this, he knew, would displease +him, and he resolved that Serapion should find +him faithfully observing his duties. He denied +himself even the relief of glancing from +time to time across the desert for a first sight +of him; but he could not quell his inward +excitement, and as he sat weaving with the head +cloth drawn over his face his nerves were alert +and tense for the moment of Serapion's return. +Even if he neither saw nor heard him, he would +know instinctively that he was near. But hour +followed hour, and Malchus, having finished +another basket, lifted his cowl and saw that the +sun was setting. He gathered together his work +and moved with a heavy heart toward the cell. +When he reached the door he saw Serapion +standing within; he had prepared the table for +a meal. Malchus's heart leaped into his +throat; his impulse was to fling away his work +and throw himself at the old man's feet. He +checked the impulse and waited, humble and +expectant, for Serapion to turn and greet him, +and when he neither turned nor spoke Malchus +shrank back, chilled into himself. As he laid +away his work the old man's quiet voice broke +the silence, "Have you eaten, my son?" and +when Malchus replied that he had not, +Serapion brought another loaf from the sack and +they ate in silence. +</p> + +<p> +Next morning, an hour before the dawn, +Malchus heard the voice of Serapion calling to +him from outside. He rose from his knees +and, going into the outer chamber, opened the +door of the cell. It was as if he had opened +a door on eternity. Before him lay the bare, +dead world of a burned-out planet, an ancient +world, crushed and exhausted by the weight of +never-ending time. At these twilight intervals +mankind with its loves and angers and +unearthly ideals shrank to a thing of no more +account than a heap of stones or a fume of sand +endlessly agitated in the eddies of a pool. +Even the face of the world itself lost its +separate reality and became a part of the +expression of some divine or infernal mood, a +mystery never to be fathomed by the mind, but +waking in the soul an untranslatable echo. +Malchus stood for a moment thrilled and +appalled before he moved out to the edge of the +terrace where the figure of the hermit stood so +lifeless and immovable that Malchus could +hardly believe that the voice which had called +him had issued from it. So intense was the +silence that it seemed that, when at last it broke, +the whole of creation would be shivered with it. +</p> + +<p> +But when Serapion spoke his voice was no +more than a mote in the silence. "My son," he +said, "the time has come for you to depart." +</p> + +<p> +Malchus made no reply. Ever since Serapion +had relented toward him and taken him +into his cell he had deluded himself with the +hope that he might remain always with the old +man as his servant. Serapion had become a +vital part of his life and the sudden discovery +that he himself had no part in the life of +Serapion chilled him like the presence of death. +His only friend was casting him off and he felt +that the heart in his body was shriveling and +dying. Serapion did not even care what +happened to him, for he added nothing to the order +that he must depart; and though he had from +the first refused to advise Malchus in his choice +of the hermit life, saying that such a choice +must come from within and not from without, +yet now this indifference cut him to the heart. +He did not know how careful Serapion's treatment +of him had been from the beginning, nor +that many of the things which had seemed to +be accidental occurrences had been arranged by +the old man in order to show Malchus to +himself and give him the needful experience out of +which to make his choice. He did not even +perceive that before sending him away Serapion +had given him a foretaste of that absolute +solitude which was the hermit's daily life, and +then had waited until that experience had sunk +into his mind and spread its influence there. +</p> + +<p> +He stood for a long while silent with +lowered head, struggling with his emotions. +Then, laying aside all shame, he fell on his +knees before Serapion. "Let me stay with you, +my father," he begged. "Let me be your +servant." +</p> + +<p> +He knew that his request was craven, that +he had weakly fallen away from that +unshakable resolve with which he had clung to +the hermit despite the fierce repulse he had +received. Where was that courage now? He +waited like a fawning animal for the hermit's +reply. +</p> + +<p> +Serapion replied without looking at him, +"He who is a servant himself has no need of a +servant." +</p> + +<p> +"Where, then, shall I go?" whined Malchus. +</p> + +<p> +"Your own heart must tell you where to go, +my son. But, for to-day, go out into the desert +a mile or two from here and spend the time till +nightfall in meditation. Then return and tell +me what you have decided, for to-morrow you +must depart." +</p> + +<p> +Malchus turned away in despair and began +to descend the sandy slope to the plain below. +At the bottom he turned to the right and +followed the base of the hill which wavered away +southward. It was strange, after having lived +so long within the little circle about Serapion's +cell, to be wandering alone in the boundless +waste of sand. The forty days which he had +passed with Serapion seemed to include the +whole of his life. The rest was dreams, for the +days of his former life had receded far behind +him. But the sufferings through which he had +passed had left him feeble and over-sensitive, +and as an uprooted plant seeks roothold in the +smallest handful of earth, so his broken spirit +clung to Serapion. Faced with the necessity +of severing himself again from human ties, he +shrank and shuddered as a sick man shudders +at the knife. +</p> + +<p> +He had fallen unconsciously into the patient, +unhurrying tread which he had learned during +the long desert journey. The line of the +sandhills now curved westward and, finding a shady +hollow carved out of the hill face, he turned +into it. A clatter startled the hollow; he had +disturbed two great birds which towered +suddenly upward and vanished over the +sandbank, leaving behind them a heap, half +skeleton, half carrion. Malchus hesitated. +He had long grown accustomed to do violence +to his old fastidiousness, but he remembered +that, now that the birds were gone, the carrion +would become a gathering place for swarms of +flies, and so he turned aside and, finding +another hollow a little farther on, he entered it +and sat down. +</p> + +<p> +It was the first time in his new life that he +had set himself to meditate on earthly matters. +Hitherto his meditations had been a discipline +of the soul, teaching it to ascend by means of +prayer into the presence of God. Now, having +shared for a while the life of a hermit, he must +decide whether he had the will and the +strength to follow that life himself. But he +had made that decision once for all when he +had left Alexandria and followed the steps of +Serapion. Why, then, should he decide again? +But Malchus knew that in truth he must decide +again, for the first decision was made in +ignorance and under the impulsion of a great +storm of passion. Now he must decide out +of experience and a quiet mind. Yet in his +present mood how difficult it would have been +to decide if he had not had that first impetuous +decision to fire his will. For now his will was +weak and passive, he could, of himself, have +willed nothing positive. That strong craving +for a life of self-discipline and fierce austerity +had died down now to a mere acquiescence; +now he felt strongly only about the things +from which he recoiled, for from his old life +he still recoiled with all the force of his being. +</p> + +<p> +An hour passed, then another, and by +degrees, as a flower draws moisture from the +soil in which it grows, his mind drank in +something of the peace and silence which +surrounded him. The shock had spent itself. He +grew reconciled to the thought that he must +leave Serapion. With the return of calm he +could see more deeply into the hidden places +of his spirit and he perceived that the days of +stern discipline through which he had passed +had planted in him a growing fervor, an +aspiration which was becoming gradually more and +more clear, as if the whole strength of body +and soul were drawing itself together and +fusing into one burning core. He felt, too, and +mistook it for a virtue, the fanatic's pride in +those mortifications of the flesh which in +themselves are less than nothing. And as he fell to +pondering again the hermit's life, the most +arduous and the most exalted that man can +pursue, his soul took fire and he longed to +submit himself to the fiercest rigors of which man +is capable. In the intensity of his emotions he +rose to his feet and stood upright with glaring +eyes and hands crossed upon his breast. The +life he had chosen lay visibly before him, a +ravaged waste beset with hunger and thirst and +parching heat, with foul beasts and devils and +the hidden terrors and torments of endless +nights, and at the end of it that high Paradise +of green boughs through which the wings of +archangels moved like great lilies of scarlet and +gold about the ineffable throne of God. From +the wilderness around him he reached out his +arms toward that remote salvation, struggling +toward it across the obstacles that clogged his +steps. But in a moment the vision had faded +and he stood again englobed in the parched +and glaring gold dust of the sandy hollow. In +the exaltation of his dream he had staggered +forward in the loose sand, and now he stood +blindly wondering which of the two worlds +was the real one, telling himself that this world +of sand and heat which was so often present +to his mind was but a ghost, and that the true +reality was that spirit world to which the soul +ascended only in the rare moments of divine +ecstasy. As the sun dropped into the west and +the material world melted again into the +nightly holocaust, he knew that he stood on the +edge of eternity and looked for a moment +through the veil of things seen into the +unspeakable mystery beyond; and as he turned +back toward Serapion's cell, walking through +the sunset as the three holy children walked +through the fiery furnace, he felt that his +mind had grown stern and unshakable as +adamant.... +</p> + +<p> +When Serapion heard that Malchus was +resolved to take upon himself the burden of the +hermit he was filled with gladness. "Blessed +be God and the Lord Jesus," he said, "who +have given you the strength to choose aright. +Far be it from me now, my son, to discourage +you. Know then that six miles from here, to +the south, there stands a lonely cell. Fifty +years ago the blessed Poemon built it with his +own hands and lived in it till the day when he +rendered his soul to God. He died in the act +of prayer, for when two of the brethren found +him his dead body was bowed before the +crucifix. Last time I went by the cell it was +falling into ruin; it is for you to rebuild it. +To-morrow, then, at dawn we will set out and +you shall take with you tools—for I have some +here—to help you to restore the place. You +shall take also a half of our loaves and the +water skin that I have just filled." +</p> + +<p> +"But I cannot take the water skin, my father, +for you have no other." +</p> + +<p> +"Do not trouble yourself about that. If it +were not right that you should have it, I would +not give it to you. But go out now and scoop +away the sand from the south wall of this cell. +You will find buried there an ax and a spade." +</p> + +<p> +While Serapion had been speaking, that +tremulous sense, half fear, half delight, which +is the very spirit of life, had crept into +Malchus's heart and, going out as Serapion had +directed him, he found the ax and the spade and +brought them into the cell. +</p> + +<p> +"To-night," said the hermit, "you must +sleep, for when we have need of the body we +must minister to the body." +</p> + +<p><br><br><br></p> + +<p><a id="chap09"></a></p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-147"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-147.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<h3> + <i>Chapter<br> + Nine</i><br> +</h3> + +<p> +The air was gentle and cool when they +started southward next morning an hour +before the dawn, carrying the spade and +ax, the water skin, and two large baskets +full of loaves. The desert, pale and +impalpable as mist, lay gray and smooth before +them, and Malchus felt that he was withdrawing +still farther from the living world of +men and rivers and green things, pushing on +into a realm void of all outward life, the very +battle ground of the soul. His heart was firm; +with every breath he seemed to inhale a +courage and power that were not of this world. +Soon the long sky line on their left had lightened +to a pale, crystalline green which before +long became so intense that the eastward facets +of every stone, every sandy hummock and tuft +of hard desert grass, gleamed with a wash of +greenish light. Their own slowly plodding +figures were modeled on the left sides, even to +the smallest fold and feature, in green and +gray, and sharp green edges danced upon the +ax and spade and the burdens that rose and fell +with their moving backs. And as if that light +were sensibly cold, a cool breath from the east +touched cheek and hand and leg. Then quite +suddenly night had become day, for green had +flushed into saffron and saffron into orange. +Malchus looked behind him. Unbroken desert +stretched northward; the high ledge on which +Serapion's cell was perched, so humanly familiar +to him that it had come to be for him the +very center and meaning of the northern desert, +was lost in formless desolation. But the south, +in this morning light, held nothing sinister; its +pure solitude wore the pale, flushed beauty of +a flower, and as they tramped onward Malchus +drew into his nostrils a subtle tremulous peace +which thrilled both body and soul. He closed +his eyes for a moment and it seemed that his +brain tingled with its gentle intoxication. In +the depths of his mind, like dusky weeds +waving on the bottom of a dark pool, the +knowledge that to-night and every night henceforward +he would be alone, utterly alone in this +empty world, sent up a bubble of pain into his +consciousness, and for a moment he lived again +through the emotions of his one solitary night +in Serapion's cell. But soon his exaltation of +mind had exorcised all human weakness and he +strode along at the hermit's side, strong and +full of courage. The sun grew fierce; their lips +clove to their teeth and the spittle turned thick +in their mouths, and as they moved stubbornly +on they were surrounded by the acrid fume of +their own sweat. +</p> + +<p> +It was still early when Serapion pointed to +a hill not far ahead of them. Gaunt and bare, +it rose above the plain like a ruined city which +the desert had swallowed. But there had never +been any city there; it was primeval rock and +sand, and century by century the winds and +rains were eating it down to the level nonentity +of the desert. +</p> + +<p> +Serapion stretched out an arm. "Upon that +eastern slope," he said, "a broken rock juts +from the smooth line of the hill." +</p> + +<p> +Malchus shaded his eyes with his hand. +"Yes," he said, "I see it, midway between the +summit and the level ground." +</p> + +<p> +"That is the cell of the blessed Poemon," +said Serapion. "In half an hour we shall reach +it." +</p> + +<p> +Malchus stared at the small tooth-like projection, +and in face of the iron reality his heart +sank. How willingly at that moment would he +have bound himself to tramp on forever +through the hot sand at Serapion's side. Vain +wish, for step by step the cell became more real, +more inescapable. Soon it would reach its full +stature and swallow him forever.... +</p> + +<p> +Like two great vultures about a foundered +ewe, Malchus and Serapion, the only moving +things in a motionless world, paced about the +cell, examining it carefully and scarring the +virgin face of the sand with their footprints. +The cell, like Serapion's, was a small square +divided by a partition into an outer chamber +and a small inner oratory. The eastern wall, +which had contained the door, had fallen into +ruin, and with it the roof had collapsed, and a +part of the other walls, but the oratory was still +intact, though it was half filled with drifted +sand which, year by year, had been blown in +through the doorway and window. +</p> + +<p> +"Here, my son," said Serapion, "is a refuge +already prepared for you. See how God has +preserved the inner room, which is the place of +prayer, for a sign to you that however much the +outer man is afflicted and maimed, the soul +within is a refuge which no power can destroy." +</p> + +<p> +Malchus took up the spade and, going into +the cell, began to shovel the sand from the +oratory. It was hard work for a body weakened +by long fasting, and as he labored the sweat ran +down his body and fell from his face in drops +into the sand. He labored all morning and on, +with flagging strength, into the afternoon; but +before he had half cleared the chamber he was +breathless and exhausted. Meanwhile +Serapion had been scooping away the sand outside +the cell with his hands and had brought to light +some of the stones of the ruined wall and also +a wooden door and a great earthenware trough. +They rested for a while in the shadow of the +cell and ate and drank a little, "for," Serapion +said, "when the body labors for the soul it is +worthy of its hire. To-morrow," he continued, +"you must pile these loose stones into a heap +ready to hand for rebuilding, for if you do not +the sand will soon bury them again. But, as +you see, we have found none of the old roofing. +The thatch has long since been scattered by the +winds and who knows what has happened to +the fallen beams. But two miles westward +from here there is a grove. It is the place of +which I told you, where there is a spring at +which I fill my water skin. There you can cut +some new beams for your roof and gather reeds +or grass for the thatch. There, too, you will +find fallen palm leaves for your weaving. +Take up the ax and we will set out now. There +I shall leave you, for I must go back to my cell. +There is no wind, and will not be to-day or +to-night, so you will easily find your way back +here by following our footprints. But first let +us move the loaves and water skin into the +oratory and set up the door to close the entrance." +</p> + +<p> +When this had been done, Malchus and +Serapion set out slowly through the burning +sand.... Malchus stood alone under tall +palm trees whose fans wove a shady roof overhead. +There were other trees, too, and parched +herbage and spiny thickets. The ground was +strewn with fallen palm leaves and here and +there a fallen tree or a broken branch. The +pool of the water spring was parched dry; +withered leaves stuck like scabs to its white +stones. Not a breath stirred. A silence more +awful than the open silence of the desert held +the place under a spell. Malchus felt himself +crushed by the weight of its solitude. Serapion +had just left him, carrying with him a great +bunch of dry palm leaves which he had +collected for his weaving, and Malchus, standing +there alone, felt that there was no longer any +reason for living. For some minutes he stood +immovable, lost in a mournful revery; then +with a great effort he flung off his oppression as +if it had been a physical burden and took up +the ax. +</p> + +<p> +He chose a fallen bough of suitable thickness +and began to lop off the twigs and then to +hack it into equal lengths. The wood was hard +and the loud ring of the ax broke profanely on +the silence. He cut three roof timbers; it was +the most he could carry; and he realized for +the first time how many journeys to the grove +he would have to make before he had collected +enough wood to cover his roof. Now he hoisted +the three timbers on to his shoulders, and, +straightening his back, began to move away. +Burdened as he was, his feet plowed deeply +into the loose sand and several times he had to +throw down the timbers to ease his bruised +shoulders. +</p> + +<p> +By the time he had come within the sight of +his cell the light was reddening toward sunset. +The scene before him reminded him of that +other sunset when Serapion had gone away to +fill the water skin. The same process would +repeat itself now—the brief glaring holocaust +of earth and heaven, and then the ashen death +which so quickly followed it, and Malchus +remembered the grim wraith which had taken +substance before his eyes out of the sand. But +Serapion had warned him not to allow his mind +to indulge in idle imaginings, and, having +thrown down his burden, he began to collect +together some of the scattered stones of the +ruin into an orderly pile. But before he could +do much the light faded and he lifted away the +door from the entrance of the oratory, went in, +and, having set up the door again behind him, +began to pray. It had been a strenuous day, +and body and soul thrilled with a sense of +accomplishment. He prayed easily and joyfully, +asking for strength and blessing in the life that +lay before him. +</p> + +<p> +As the rolling tracts of desert stretched +every way from the small point of earth which +was his cell, so, it seemed to Malchus, his future +life stretched forward into the years, clear and +smooth from the moment in which he stood. +He confronted it calmly, and a sense of +greatness—the greatness of time and of space and +the great spaces of the spirit before which the +other greatnesses are as nothing—filled his soul. +He rose refreshed from his prayer, and having +eaten a loaf he lay down to sleep, for Serapion +had warned him that during the period in which +he labored daily at the rebuilding of his cell it +would be necessary for him to take more food +and sleep than at other times. +</p> + +<p> +Throughout all that time Malchus lived +contented, his energy divided between prayer and +hard bodily labor. His body was healthy with +the daily toil and his mind, sufficiently +occupied by the work, kept clean and limpid; the +turbid sediment of past miseries, vain regrets, +and tormenting desires, had sunk away into +unconsciousness. The cell growing daily before +his eyes, the difficulties of inexperience +confronted and solved, the expeditions to the grove +for wood and later for stones—for he used up +all the stones he could find near the cell and +still needed more—kept his life free from +monotony, and it was not until, after many +weeks, the work was nearing completion that +he remembered that the life he was living was +not the hermit's life, but only the preparation +for it. Then he began to look forward with +something like fear to the day when all would +be finished, for then there would again be a +great emptiness in his life. Then he would +stand face to face with himself once more and +it would need all his strength to live worthily +in the sight of God. Then would come an end, +or almost an end, to his journeys to the grove +and his life outside his cell, for Serapion had +told him that the hermit must never leave his +cell except in case of necessity. Malchus knew +that the life he was leading at present was not +in itself profitable, for though it protected him +from evil, it did not enable him to advance in +spiritual excellence. It was a life apart from +good or evil, like the life of an animal: and, +thinking how calm and even pleasant it had +become to him, he remembered how Serapion +had said that it was not well, except for a very +little while, for the soul to be at rest. +</p> + +<p> +That night he awoke in sudden fear with +the sense that evil was close to him, and next +morning he saw that the sand round about his +cell was pitted by many footprints. They were +the footprints of cloven-footed creatures. One +of them, larger it seemed than the rest, had +entered the doorless outer chamber and had +stood at the very door of the oratory, and +Malchus, knowing that the powers of evil were +drawing closer about him, thenceforward forced +himself to work and pray more strenuously and +to eat and sleep less. +</p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-158"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-158.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<p><br><br><br></p> + +<p><a id="chap10"></a></p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-159"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-159.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<h3> + <i>Chapter<br> + Ten</i><br> +</h3> + +<p> +And with the end of the labor of building +came the end of contentment; for now all the +easy purposes had gone out of his life and there +remained only the high purpose of the hermit, +too remote and difficult, it seemed, except for +the rare moments of ecstasy. For some time he +lived sunk in a profound depression. His body, +deprived of healthy labor, rose up and +tormented him. He prayed for long hours both +day and night, but no comfort came to him +from his prayers and it seemed to him that time +had swept onward and left him stagnating, +body and soul, in a shallow pool. His cell +became hateful to him, and the weaving with +which he tried to combat idleness was now a +joyless drudgery. He felt nothing of that +spiritual zeal which he had hoped would come to +him when he had finally laid aside all worldly +cares. Far from it. His life grew torpid and +inert, lower than the life of the lowest beasts. +His soul was an empty husk, his body vile, and +his mind, emptied of all living occupation, +began more and more to lose itself in the past. +Old memories crowded about him and imprisoned +him in their ghostly being and it was only +by a fierce and exhausting watchfulness that he +was able to drive them off. But they took +revenge upon him by returning to him in his +sleep, and he would wake horror-stricken from +long rambling dreams of feasts and, worse, of +sudden meetings with Helena or one of his +earlier loves. One night Helena stood close +beside him and touched him, sending a shudder +through his flesh, half rapture and half terror, +and he awoke suddenly with the sense of her +penetrating every bone in his body. His cell +was dark and cold as a tomb; a terrible silence +held the desert and he felt the invisible +presence of evil waiting breathless to fasten upon +him. He sprang up and, beating his breast +with his clenched fists, he prayed with a loud +voice to shut out the unendurable silence. +Could it be that in the sight of God a man was +responsible even for his dreams? The violence +of his nature was roused once again. By a great +effort he threw off the deadly torpor which +oppressed him and resolved to submit himself to +a still more rigorous rule of life. Thereafter he +ate only once in two days and slept for three +hours only in forty-eight. He left his cell only +once, at dawn, for his need, and when he did so +he covered his face with his cloak for fear that +the beauty of the world should weaken his +spirit; and, that no opening should be left +through which idle thoughts and waking dreams +could assail him, he set himself an unalterable +routine of recitation, prayer, meditation, and +manual labor. +</p> + +<p> +So he lived for many weeks; but in vain. +For even when he had so schooled his body that +his mouth and belly had almost ceased to +clamor for water and food, his mind tormented +him by urging him continually to go out from +his cell, and whenever he ate or drank, the evil +spirit of unrest tempted him, whispering, "Sip a +little more water and eat another small crust of +bread, for when these are finished it will be +necessary for you to go out and seek more." But +one morning, when only three more loaves +remained, he opened the door of his cell and +found a sackful of loaves leaning against it; +and he took in the loaves, understanding that +they had been sent for a sign that he must not +leave his cell. But next day, when he was +weaving, he finished the last of the palm leaves, +and the spirit of unrest said, "Now at least +you must go out, for unless you collect more +leaves you will be without work for your +hands." But Malchus hardened his resolve +and, taking the largest mat he had woven, he +picked it to pieces and so provided himself with +enough material for many days' work. But +soon he had finished the last drop of his supply +of water and the spirit of unrest within him was +glad, because now he would have to go to the +grove to draw water, since man cannot live for +long without water. But Malchus was strict +with himself and determined that he would +wait for a whole day without water, so that he +might discover beyond doubt if it was God's +will that he should go out of his cell. And +throughout the next day no water came; his +lips and tongue were parched and even the +little water in the trough had been sucked up +by the heat, so that he could not soak the leaf +strips for his weaving. Then joy sprang into +his heart and he took down the water skin and +went out into the sunlight. +</p> + +<p> +The day was still mild and it was a relief to +move his cramped limbs and to gaze once again +into the pure, unconfined freedom of the desert. +The air was clean and cool against his skin and +he recalled that moment in the green hollow +when he had lowered himself slowly and +rapturously into the pool. His progress was slow +because of the deep, powdery sand and the +weakness of his body, but it had now become +natural to him that the ground on which he +walked should always be sand, and he plodded +on undistressed till the delightful green of the +grove came in sight, and then took him to its +shadowy heart. The spring, as he had +expected, was flowing again. Where the white, +parched stones had been, a crystal basin stood +brimful, and the spell of the water had called +up a fresh leafy fringe about it with flowers +springing up among the green. Sprays of silver +bubbles twirled up through the dark, clear, +solid water. It was as if the spirit of peace +and coolness had taken form in a crystal. +Malchus sat down by the spring and wept. +He made no attempt to restrain his tears, but +allowed them to flow on, finding a relief in +them as though all the hard and stubborn things +in his heart were melting away. After he had +sat there for a long time he rose and filled the +water skin and, laying it down by the spring, +he began to collect the fallen palm leaves. And +as he roved from palm tree to palm tree with +his eyes continually on the ground, the +pleasure-lover in him kept asking him why he should +not always live in this grove and why Serapion +should not live there, too. What had they +gained by living solitary in the barren desert +that they could not have gained by living here? +Then the fanatic in him showed him to himself +as the great saint depending on no earthly +support whether of human love, earthly beauty or +pleasant food and drink; and, thinking of the +weeks during which he had lived in solitude +and of the exiguous diet he had endured, he +grew reconciled to his arid life, for was he not +already of that company of chosen souls whose +lives are beautiful in the sight of God? +</p> + +<p> +He had collected enough palm leaves, and +now he raised his eyes from the ground. He +had wandered a long way from the spring, and, +hoisting the bunch of leaves on his shoulder, +he turned and began to make his way back to +it, for there he had left the water skin. When +he reached the spring he was astonished to see +a man sitting beside it. His hair was grizzled; +he was almost an old man. Two newly skinned +pelts lay on the ground beside him. He had +laid them with the inward sides uppermost to +dry in the sun. The livid surfaces shone like +polished granite and flies buzzed loudly about +them. +</p> + +<p> +"Where do you come from?" Malchus asked +him, "and how long have you been in the +desert?" +</p> + +<p> +"I am a hunter, as you see," the stranger +replied, "and I have been in this country for +eleven months. During all that time you are +the first man I have seen." +</p> + +<p> +The two, unwilling to part in that inhuman +solitude, stayed long in talking, their eyes +scanning each other as if in wonder at the sight +of a human creature. At length, with a sigh +Malchus took up his water skin and, full of +sadness and discouragement, journeyed toward +his cell. When his knees began to fail under +him and it became necessary for him to rest a +little, he threw down his burden and, lying +down beside it, fell into a melancholy +meditation. Then he rose to his knees and smiting +himself upon the face cried out: "O Malchus, +well may you think that you have done nothing, +for you have not endured even the solitude of +this hunter, who is a man of the world and no +hermit." And he went on his way even more +slowly than ever, for despair was upon him, and +he felt a great reluctance to return to his cell. +It was as though during those few hours of +liberty he had escaped into another world—a +tender world of green leaves, running water, +and human sympathy—and at the first sight of +his cell across the sandhills he felt like one +returning to prison. Yet he knew that it was his +true self which was driving him back and which +told him now that he had sinned that day in +lingering beyond what was necessary in the +grove and delaying in talk with the hunter.... +</p> + +<p> +With the night, as if it were the instant sign +of his relapse, the creatures of darkness +gathered about his cell, howling in a dismal, +mocking chorus, answered by wilder shrieks +from the distance, as though other hordes were +hastening up from the heart of the desert. Once +there was a beating upon his door, as if the +evil spirits, grown bolder, were clamoring for +entrance. Then a long silence; and Malchus +listened, his forehead wet with fear, for he +knew that the demons had not departed, but +were lurking silent about him. Suddenly some +soft, light thing struck him on the face. He +flung out his arms in terror and loathing, and +there followed a wild beating of hands against +the bars of his window. He dared not raise +his voice for fear he should betray the corner in +which he cowered; but he prayed silently, +fervently, and without remission, often making +the holy sign upon the darkness. Then, as if +tortured by the sign, the creatures set up their +howls again. It seemed that they were all +round the cell; he could hear them breathing +and buffeting against the door. It was not +until the dawn was near that all became silent +again, and now it seemed that the silence was +empty. The evil spirits had gone. Malchus, +exhausted by fear and the urgency of his +praying, fell asleep. +</p> + +<p> +Many hours later he awoke to a gentle, +continuous noise, as if heavy drops were pattering +on the sand or the sands themselves on every +side were seething and shuffling with a life of +their own. His fears leaped up once more, +but when he opened his eyes he saw that the +sun was shining. The honest light of day +restored his courage and he rose and opened the +door of his cell. His heart leaped to his throat, +but next moment he was reassured, for when +he had realized what he saw it was harmless +enough. A large flock of sheep was passing his +door. The expanse of broad, woolly backs +spread before him, each with its own agitated +movement. It was like the Nile in flood, its +surface broken into hundreds of muddy waves +and eddies. At the edges of the flock he saw +the meek shaven heads, and here and there the +pink strip of a panting tongue. The rank, +oily smell of fleeces filled the air. An old +shepherd was leading them—the only upright +figure in the humble crowd—and seeing +Malchus at his door, he turned aside to speak to +him, sitting down by the cell with his back +against its wall. He was a Lybian and it was +with some difficulty that they conversed. The +flock, deprived of its leader, stood still, and as +Malchus and the shepherd talked, their talk was +accompanied by a chorus of melancholy bleating. +Above its long droning rose individual +voices of every tone from the deep and guttural +to the plaintive wail. It was a sound infinitely +hopeless, like the crying of children led into +captivity. +</p> + +<p> +"What are you doing here in the desert?" +Malchus asked the shepherd. "There is nothing +here for your sheep to eat." +</p> + +<p> +"I am taking them down to the marsh of +Scete to eat the green herb," the shepherd +replied. "My village is twenty miles from here, +and once a year, after the flooding of the river, +we lead the flocks down to eat of the herb. +Now they are hungry and exhausted, as you see, +but I hope to bring them to the marsh by +midnight." +</p> + +<p> +He wore a little bag slung about his +shoulders, and now he pulled it round on to his +lap and opened it. Malchus saw that it +contained a bunch of some kind of greenery. +"What is this?" he asked. +</p> + +<p> +"This is my food," the old man replied. +</p> + +<p> +"And have you nothing else to eat?" +</p> + +<p> +The shepherd shook his head. "For the +last thirty years," he answered, "I have eaten +nothing else. I eat once a day and drink as +much water as I need. By living thus I am +more free than if my body needed the food +which can be found only in villages and human +habitations. I am free, too, of the need of +money and I give the wages paid me by the +owner of the sheep to those of my people who +need it." While speaking the shepherd had +risen to his feet, and the wide expanse of woolly +backs, as if in response to his movement, was +stirred once again by numberless agitations. +Then Malchus fell down at the feet of the +shepherd: "O my father," he wailed, "I +imagined in my pride that I had attained to +abstinence, but you are worthy of a greater +reward than I, for I have eaten bread which is +made for me by others and have drunk water +which another has drawn for me." +</p> + +<p> +The old man looked down upon Malchus in +bewilderment, and then as if wishing to escape, +turned and moved slowly upon his way. And +immediately the flock began to advance, +jostling together and then expanding; then, +closing together again, it settled into its habitual +density, following the slow steps of its +shepherd. +</p> + +<p> +"When do you return?" Malchus shouted +after the old man. +</p> + +<p> +The shepherd slowly turned his head. "You +will not see me again," he shouted back. "They +will graze along the marsh northward for +several days and we shall return another way." +</p> + +<p> +Soon the faintest sound of them had drained +away into the silence of the desert, and by noon +even the sight of them was no more than a pale +irregular stain on a linen cloth.... +</p> + +<p> +During that day Malchus found that his +despair, so far from having been relieved by his +recent escape from solitude, had increased. +Pondering in his cell upon his meetings with +the hunter and the shepherd, he understood that +God had driven him out of his cell in order that +he might learn from them that all he had +achieved in the life of solitude and fasting was +in itself nothing and that others had accomplished +much more in the mere course of their +business; and as he examined his life, he knew +that, for all his desire to pursue excellence, it +was stagnant. Yet what else could he do but +pray? Despair came upon him, and thenceforward +he was even more restless than before. +He found himself inventing small reasons to +leave his cell, and when he had set his mind +against them he felt none of the triumph of +conquest, but only a darker despair. And more +and more he was tormented by dreams, dreams +that rose from his buried desires, setting before +him fearful temptations to which sometimes he +yielded with a frenzied self-abandonment. +Then he awoke with the terror of sin upon him +and the dreadful certainty that evil—evil in +the material form of horrible physical +presences—was closing inexorably about him. In the +worst of all these dreams it seemed that his +whole life had become a mockery and a snare. +It was the familiar scene of a feast at the house +of Diocles, the scene that haunted him so +persistently. He himself, in the dream, kept +changing from the old Malchus to Malchus the +hermit; for his impulse was to obey his desires, +but when he began to do so immediately a +freezing fear held him back. And all the +material things of his dream changed, too, +from one nature to another. He reached out +his hand to a peach, but when it touched his +lips it was changed to vileness and corruption. +The wine in his glass turned in his mouth to +mud and sand. Last of all, Helena, leaping +from one of the couches as the girl Thaïs had +done at that last feast in the house of Diocles, +came across the dining hall toward him with +her lovely, half-mocking smile. He smiled +back at her, stretching out his arms; but, when +she drew nearer, a white terror like leprosy +laid hold of him and he thrust her off, covering +his face with one hand. But Helena forced +herself upon him, bending over him, weighing +upon him; and gazing up at her in mortal +terror, he saw that she had changed to a vile +hag with parched skin and bleared and yellow +eyes. He struggled wildly. A great weight +on his chest smothered his cries, but at length +he broke through the dream into consciousness +as through a thicket of terrifying deceits. He +was awake now, but still some foul creature +was fastened upon him. He felt its weight; +the filthy stench of it sickened him. He thrust +out his hands and they touched coarse hair. +Then a great cry burst from him and he was +free. Close under his window a loud howling +broke out. Showers of sand fell upon his face +and the door of his cell swung to and fro on +its hinges. He sprang to his feet and ran out +in terror into the open. There he was received +into clouds of wind-blown sand, and, rushing +on through the storm, he descended the slope, +half running and half falling, to the level +ground below. He ran on in the blind hope +that he was running toward Serapion, and at +last, stumbling in the clogging sand, he fell on +his face and lay where he fell, insensible. +</p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-175"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-175.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<p><br><br><br></p> + +<p><a id="chap11"></a></p> + +<h3> + <i>Chapter<br> + Eleven</i> +</h3> + +<p> +When he came to himself the night was +gone. The dawn, an unfathomable dome of +cool yellow flame, towered immensely above +the yellow aisles and ambulatories of the desert. +</p> + +<p> +Having spent some time in prayer, he went +on his way northward, confident that when he +came within the region of Serapion's cell he +would recognize it. But as he labored on, the +country was still strange—a land, it seemed, +never before visited by living thing—and the +hour passed by at which he should have arrived, +and the sun rose toward noon, dropping its fiery +weight upon the sand and striking up again +from the baked sand with the heavy glow of a +furnace, till it seemed to Malchus that he was +being tortured before a great fire. His lips +were gummed to each other and some nerve +or artery in his brain pulsed as if it would burst +and destroy him. When noon was long past, +he turned round in despair, but, thinking it +possible that he had wandered out too far in +the direction of the river, he bore a little to the +westward as he made his way south again. +But still the desert had an alien face, and as it +drew on toward evening he gave up all hope +that he would find his way and, exhausted, +bewildered, and full of a vague dread, he was on +the point of lying down to rest when he saw +that he was standing a few yards from the foot +of the familiar slope. Above him he could see +the upper part of the cell itself, and outside, +near the edge of the slope, a figure was +standing immovable with arms raised sideways in +the form of the Cross. At the sight of it he +reeled and fell, as though some tension within +him had snapped. It was as if all his troubles +had suddenly fallen from him. He was so +weak that he had to climb the slope on his +hands and knees. +</p> + +<p> +When he reached the terrace, Serapion had +lowered his arms and was waiting as though he +had expected him. "Prisoner! Prisoner!" he +called out to him. "Why have you cast away +your liberty?" And Malchus knew that by +<i>liberty</i> Serapion meant the liberty of his cell, +and that he called him <i>prisoner</i> because in his +wisdom he had understood that he was a slave +to his unrest. Seeing that Malchus was +exhausted, Serapion made him sit down outside +the cell and, bringing out water and bread and +some dried dates, he bade him eat and drink; +and Malchus told the old man all his troubles, +asking him if in the sight of God a man was +responsible for his dreams. +</p> + +<p> +"Have you not read," answered Serapion, +"what our Redeemer answered Satan when +Satan had said that he would send his people +against the people of God? 'And if they do +evil unto thy chosen ones,' said Satan, 'I cannot +help it, and I will trip them up even though I +can do so only in dreams of the night.' But +our Redeemer replied: 'If a still-born child can +inherit his father's possessions, then also +dreams shall be accounted a sin to my chosen +ones.'" +</p> + +<p> +"And what of evil thoughts?" asked Malchus. +</p> + +<p> +"It is Satan, not we, who sows them," Serapion +replied; "but it is our business not to +welcome them. Evil thoughts are like the +savors of boiled meat and roast meat that issue +from a cook-house. All who go past smell the +savors, but one man will go in and eat, and +another, who does not wish to eat, will smell +the savors as he passes and go on his way." +</p> + +<p> +Then Malchus spoke of the spirit of unrest +which had taken hold of him, urging him +ceaselessly to go forth from his cell, and he told +Serapion how, when at last he had been +compelled to go out, he had met the hunter and +the shepherd and learned from their manner +of life that his own fasting and loneliness were +as nothing, "so that now," he said, "my life +seems vain and as it were without salt and I do +not any longer derive profit from the relaxation +of weaving. It is as though God had turned +his face from me. What then, must I do?" +he asked; "for whether I stay in my cell and +fight the temptation or whether I yield to it +and go out, my trouble continues. Help me, +my father, with your wisdom and experience, +for if you do not, the powers of evil will fasten +upon me inescapably." +</p> + +<p> +The old man looked kindly upon Malchus +and, sitting down beside him, began to instruct +him. "When the spirit of unrest is upon you," +he said, "you must fight against it and not fly +from it, for if you go out of your cell you will +find that from which you fly wherever you go. +But when you have conquered the temptation +you can go out, for then you will go out in a +state of peace. But even if you cannot escape +from this trouble, still you must stay in your +cell, since this, for the hermit, is the first of +rules. Go back, then, when you have had some +sleep here, and close the door of your cell. But, +for the rest, you must eat, drink, and sleep as +much as you desire and you must give up the +weaving, for this is no longer profitable to +you." +</p> + +<p> +"But if I give up fasting, watching, and +labor," said Malchus, in amazement, "shall +I not be falling away still more from the hermit +rule?" +</p> + +<p> +"Have I not told you, my son," answered +Serapion, "that fasting, watching, solitude, and +labors, and even virginity itself, are in +themselves nothing, but are good only as a means to +spiritual excellence?" +</p> + +<p> +But to the self-torturing nature of Malchus +it was hard not to believe that these things had +a virtue in themselves, and the thought of +relinquishing what he had so hardly achieved +filled him with fear. +</p> + +<p> +"Do as I tell you, my son," said Serapion, +seeing his hesitation, "and afterward, as other +inclinations come to you, follow them so long +as they are without offense. And in your prayers +do not ask for one thing after another, but let +your prayer be about the thing that is troubling +you at the time. Then, after you have +overcome that trouble, you may turn in prayer to +other things. But if, when you are troubled +by one passion, you set it aside and pray about +another, the first passion will never be wholly +cast out. For you it is necessary to conquer +the spirit of unrest, and to do this you must +stay in your cell and go out only in case of +extreme necessity. To-morrow I will +accompany you to your cell and bring away the mats +you have woven, for I am going soon to Alexandria +to sell those that I have made and I will +sell yours at the same time. For you it would +not yet be safe to go into the world even for a +few hours." +</p> + +<p> +When Malchus had returned to his cell and +taken up the life which Serapion had +prescribed, he began to discover by degrees the +wisdom of the old man's instructions. For at +first the consolation of food, drink, and sleep +and the escape from the monotony of weaving +loosened the cord of his unrest and a mellowness +came into his heart. It became once more +an easy and joyful thing to pray and it seemed +to him that his prayers were answered. When +evil thoughts came to him he was no longer +afraid, but he turned aside his attention from +them, saying: "I have nothing to do with this +thought and I do not desire it. Let the sin of +it be upon Satan." And after a little time he +felt a desire to work again at the weaving of +mats, and, taking up one of the neglected palm +leaves, he began to tear it into strips, and when +he had enough strips he put them to soak, and +next day he fell to work with the old zeal, +weaving a mat of wonderful fineness. And as +he wove he reflected that even so the meditations +and prayers of the righteous are woven +together into a garment for the soul. After +another interval of time he felt the impulse to +rise in the night and pray, and then also to +deny himself food and drink. So by overcoming +the spirit of unrest he was drawn back, of +his own desire, to the hermit's way; and for +some time all seemed to be well with him. +</p> + +<p> +But not for long. For soon the evil spirits, +seeing that they could no longer dismay him by +evil dreams and terrors of the night, began to +tempt him subtly with things which seemed to +be innocent and beautiful. And one night, +after Malchus had been fasting for three whole +days, an evil spirit appeared to him in the form +of that vision of a winged man which once he +had seen standing on the altar of Serapion's +cell. Again Malchus saw that the feathers of +his wings were plumed with golden beams and +he was filled with delight and wonder and, +crouching upon his knees before the altar, he +remained for a long time gazing in ecstasy at +the angel. Then the angel bent toward him +and spoke. +</p> + +<p> +"Malchus," he said, "I have been sent to +comfort and exhort you because of your great +abstinence. For the abstinence of the shepherd +is now as nothing compared with yours." +</p> + +<p> +And next day the evil spirits entered his cell +in the form of flies, and when they saw that +Malchus refrained from eating and drinking +on that day also (though it had been his purpose +to fast for three days only), they laughed +and clapped their hands; but their laughter +was nothing more, for Malchus, than the +droning of flies. +</p> + +<p> +Toward evening two young men came and +knocked at the door and one of them said to +Malchus: "Give us something to eat and some +water to drink, my father, for we are broken +with hunger, our mouths are parched with +thirst, and we have still a long way to go." +</p> + +<p> +Malchus brought them in and set bread and +water before them; but he himself stood apart +and ate nothing. And the elder of the young +men said to him, "Will you not eat with us, +my father?" +</p> + +<p> +But Malchus shook his head. "Food and +drink," he said, "are not necessary to me." +</p> + +<p> +At that the two young men made a sign of +astonishment to each other and Malchus heard +the elder whisper to the younger, "This is a +great saint." Then, having finished eating and +drinking, they rose and went on their way. +But as soon as they had gone out it came into +Malchus's mind that he ought to have given +them food for their journey also; and he took +two loaves from the sack and hurried to the +door to call them back. But the desert both far +and near was empty and there was no new +footprint about the door. +</p> + +<p> +Malchus closed the door and, dropping the +loaves into the sack, fell to thinking. His +mind was troubled by what had happened and +his trouble increased when he remembered that +by refusing to eat with the young men he had +made a boast of his abstinence; for true abstinence, +as Serapion had often told him, does not +concern that which is without, but only that +which is within, and it is better to lay by for +a moment the rule of abstinence than to fall +into pride and boastfulness. Throughout that +night Malchus prayed, confessing his sin and +asking for strength to overcome pride; but as +he prayed there crept into his mind the memory +of the vision of the angel and, believing still +that he had acquired merit by his abstinence, +he took comfort. But it seemed, that night, +as though all the creatures of the desert were +holding sinful revel, for far over the sandhills +the harsh laughter of fiends echoed through +the darkness; and Malchus, hearing it, trembled, +not knowing what it might signify. But +because he had repented of his second act of +pride, the power of the evil spirits over him +was diminished: yet since he was not wholly +purged of pride, being still blind to that former +presumption into which he had been led by the +false vision, the hold of Satan was not entirely +loosed from him. And Satan, who, like a +skillful hunter, is wont to pursue his prey slowly +and by artful delays, was content to withdraw +to a distance from Malchus till a convenient +occasion should come. +</p> + +<p> +But, alone in that waste where all things, +down to the meanest herb and the smallest +grain of sand, are instruments in the hands of +Good and Evil, and where the sounds of winds +and the crying of beasts are but the earthly +embodiments of the voices of angels and devils, +Malchus felt that evil had receded from him, +and his life for a time became calm and +untroubled, and his prayers and the work of his +hands were as an unwavering flame ascending +into the presence of God. But after many +weeks were past the water skin was again empty +and it became necessary for Malchus to go out +and refill it. And as soon as the heat of noon +began to abate he set out, keeping his eyes on +the ground that lay before his feet. But an +evil spirit had gone before him. +</p> + +<p> +Having arrived at the edge of the grove, he +threw down the water skin and began first to +collect the fallen palm leaves; for whenever he +came to the grove for water he replenished also +his stock for weaving. But as he moved from +tree to tree, with his eyes on the ground, he +came down toward the little valley through +which the water overflowed from the spring. +The stream was broad and smooth, and tall +canes in crowds waded in its shallows, hanging +their long green pennons above the water; +and as Malchus raised his eyes he saw through +the screen of canes that something was moving +on the further bank. +</p> + +<p> +It was a girl with a bunch of long canes in +her arms, and just as Malchus caught sight of +her she laid the bunch on the ground and, +kneeling down, bound it together in a bundle. But +Malchus, forgetting in a flash all the strict +and careful discipline of his new life, stood +suddenly still in the grip of an overwhelming +excitement, and, leaning against the bole of a +palm tree, he stared at her like a tiger +watching a drinking gazelle. When she had made +the bundle fast she rose upright with a quick, +youthful movement. One of her arms moved. +She was undoing her sleeveless cotton garment. +Then she wriggled her shoulders free and the +gown dropped to her feet. She looked surprisingly +small and neat without the clumsy gown; +her spare, compact little body with the quick, +full curves of first maturity shone softly like +honey-colored bronze. She stepped clear of the +gown and, like some delicately moving little +animal, walked down into the shallow water. +At first the pool only covered her ankles, then +step by step it rose to her knees, and she went +on, balancing herself with outstretched arms, +till it was more than halfway up each thigh. +She carried some small thing in her right hand. +It was a knife, and bending down she began to +cut the canes, the left hand grasping the tall +stems and the right dipping down to cut below +the water-level. When she had cut all she was +able to hold, she waded back to the bank and +laid them by the bundle, and then she returned +into the stream to gather more. Where could +she have come from? It seemed that she must +be not a mortal girl, but the naiad of the spring, +and that if she were disturbed she would surely +dive down with one slim movement and a +single hollow, musical splash, to her home +under the water. When at last she had cut all +the canes she wanted, she paused for a moment +in the water and looked about her. +</p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-190"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-190.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<p> +Malchus had all the while stood immovable, +leaning against the tree trunk and partly hidden +by it. A suppressed trembling shook him like +a palsy, and the girl, as her eyes wandered idly +over the bank and among the trees, suddenly +caught sight of the parched hairy face and the +eyes fixed hungrily upon her. She stared back +at Malchus for a moment, and then, turning +her back with the charming contempt of a +young animal, went up on to the bank and +slowly slipped on her gown. Malchus, too, +stirred himself, and with a deep-drawn sigh +began to retrace his steps to where he had left +the water skin. When he had found it and +carried it to the spring he was once more within +sight of where the girl had been. She was gone +now, and, having drawn the water, he departed +slowly under the burden. He felt no repentance. +His heart was hard and exultant. At +that moment he revolted with the whole +strength of his being against the God who +demanded of His chosen the renunciation of +earthly love, the beauty of the flesh, and the +joys of the senses, and he was glad that, instead +of flying at once from the grove as it was his +duty as a hermit to do, he had seized the +moment and obeyed the clamorous impulse. But +as the seething of the senses died down and he +found himself once again in the hard, pure +desert, he knew that in that brief hour he had +brought to naught all the long months of stern +living and that the powers of evil had gained a +great ascendancy over him. Perhaps that very +night evil spirits would break down the door of +his cell, and burst in the window bars, and lay +hold upon him body and soul, torturing him +until the weak body could resist no longer. +Bodily death at such a time would bring with +it the death of the immortal soul—an everlasting +exile from the sight of the God against +whom he had revolted. The thought +overwhelmed him with horror and, staggering on +his way toward the refuge of his cell, he called +upon God like a wild creature howling at the +sky. "O God," he wailed, "save me from the +death I deserve. Remember, O God, my +former life, that I loved without discrimination +all things beautiful, and consider how great +was my temptation. For was she not beautiful, +O God, beautiful as a young gazelle? How +can it be that what is so beautiful has no part +in the divine nature?" Then, feeling that he +had spoken blasphemy, he ceased and began to +repeat aloud penitential psalms and prayers +for the forgiveness of sins. So he hastened, +feeble and breathless, on his way, looking +neither before him nor behind, where, on the +edge of the grove, the slim, straight-robed +figure of a girl stood with one hand shading her +eyes, watching him. +</p> + +<p> +When he reached his cell he threw down the +water skin and the palm leaves, not caring, in +his despair, what became of them, and, flinging +open the door, he staggered in and fell on +his face in the oratory. At first he lay as one +stunned, neither praying nor thinking, but +after an hour of this prostration he came to his +senses and began to pray feverishly, torrentially, +like a man in a burning house or a sinking +ship, pouring out passionate phrases and +ejaculations so rapidly that his mind almost +ceased to follow the sense of what his lips +uttered. As he prayed, the light began to fail, +and it seemed that the shadows that gathered +silently into his cell were bodily presences. +Soon the darkness would come, and with it the +hosts of Satan into whose power he had so +recklessly given himself. +</p> + +<p> +But the night fell calm and silent. Not the +remotest howl of hyena or jackal disturbed the +crystal silence. And as the silence continued +unbroken, Malchus, racked by fearful +expectancy, became fascinated by it like a bird +by the eye of a snake. He waited cold and +breathless, more and more certain every minute +that it would be shivered suddenly, appallingly, +by some diabolical tumult which would +be the prelude to his destruction. His mind +had grown numb beneath the unendurable suspense, +when at last the silence was broken and +all his being concentrated into the one act of +listening. +</p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-195"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-195.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<p> +Instead of the horrors he was awaiting, it +was a gentle, clear voice which had called softly +outside his cell, A broken square of primrose-colored +moonlight lay on the wall and floor of +the oratory. For a time there was deep silence +again. Then near the door the same sweet +voice sent a thrill of delight through him, +speaking a word that he did not understand. +A sense of unreality possessed him; he must be +asleep and dreaming, and he remembered with +a feeling of infinite relief that Serapion had +told him that a man is not responsible in the +sight of God for his dreams. His fears were +gone now, but his sense was still alert and soon +he heard a faint sound in the outer room of his +cell. He was too exhausted to wonder what +it could be, and next moment something +touched him in the dark—a hand, it seemed; +but not the fierce hand of evil, but a gentle, +ingratiating hand that stroked him. Malchus +did not move. As in a dream, his will was +nerveless and he lay with eyes closed while the +groping hand explored him. Then two arms +wound themselves about him and a soft cheek +was laid against his. "Helena!" he whispered, +ardently, and suddenly he threw off his +passivity and, freeing his arms, he clasped to his +own body the warm body that lay on the floor +beside him. +</p> + +<p><br><br><br></p> + +<p><a id="chap12"></a></p> + +<h3> + <i>Chapter<br> + Twelve</i> +</h3> + +<p> +He awoke next morning to a cold despair. +He knew that what he had experienced had +been no dream, and he knew, too, that one +small spark of consciousness, which he had +willfully muffled, had affirmed at the time that +it was real. He had sinned consciously and +willingly; his delusion had been deliberate. +He dared not pray, for to take the name of God +into his mouth, vile as he was, would itself be +mortal sin; and even if he had dared to pray, +the prayers of a wretch like himself, who had +implored God's help and protection only to +scorn it when the moment of temptation came, +would, he knew, be no better than an insolent +mockery in the ear of Heaven. Now he was +alone indeed, cut off not only from the worldly +life which he had abandoned, but also from +the holy life of the desert and the eternal life +which is its reward. He was exhausted by long +fasting and the violence of his emotions; and +as with eyes fixed starkly on vacancy he +contemplated his state, the horror of it numbed his +understanding. "It is impossible," he muttered +to himself, "impossible that it was not a +dream." Slowly and painfully he rose to his +feet. His brain reeled and for a moment he +could do no more than stand, steadying himself +with both hands pressed against the walls. +Then with groping hands and feet he staggered +into the outer room and so to the doorway +of the cell. On the smooth sand outside, +the print of small bare feet was set +as a witness against him; and, as if +for a sign that all his good works had been +brought to naught, all the mats that he had +woven were gone. Then his gaze fell on the +sack of loaves, and a light came into his eyes, +for he saw in food and drink a last consolation +for his misery. He plunged both arms into +the sack, bringing out all the loaves that were +left, and, carrying them outside the cell, he sat +down beside the full water skin which he had +left there on the previous evening. He +untied the neck and dipped each loaf into the +water. But to dip them only was not enough; +the loaves were still too hard to eat. He +gnawed at one, holding it in both hands and +chawing at it like a dog at a bone. But he +could not break the crust, and at last he flung +it away from him in fury and, getting on to +his knees, he reached an earthenware dish from +the table and set the loaves to soak. And as +they soaked he crouched beside them, snatching +impatiently at one and another and putting +them to his teeth. Crouching solitary there, +now immovable, now breaking into convulsive +activity as he seized a loaf and raised it to his +mouth, he looked like a great ape playing with +stones. At last the loaves were soft enough +and he fell upon them ravenously, stuffing +fragment after fragment into his mouth and +then bowing his face to the dish and sucking +in draughts of water to soften the mass. So +he fed, a fierce and uncouth spectacle, while +water and a paste of masticated bread exuded +from the corners of his mouth and clung to his +ragged beard. He did not remember how on +that day a year ago he had lain, exquisitely +dressed, at table in his own house, the host of +one of the most marvelous of all the marvelous +feasts for which he and his friends were famed +throughout Alexandria. At that feast the +guests had been delighted by the novelty of +the little silver ovens in which the slaves +handed small newly baked loaves, each +cunningly molded into a fantastic shape. +</p> + +<p> +When he had eaten all the bread, he sat for +a while, staring before him; then untying the +water skin again, he took a long draught from +it and, letting it slip from his hands so that it +lay gulping out its contents into the thirsty +sand, he rose and reached for his staff. +Without a glance behind him he stepped out into +the empty desert. His mind was empty, +barren. He had no plan, no hope, nothing but +the instinct to fly from a place accursed, to fly +further and further into the desert, as if by +unceasing flight he could at last outrun the terrible +consequences of his sin. But the moment he +left the shelter of the cell an invisible host of +evil flung itself upon him, beating up the sand +in clouds into his eyes and mouth, wrapping +him round in a bewildering whirlwind and +hurling broadcast the heap of palm leaves +which on the previous evening he had flung +down outside the door. He blundered on +blindly, with no thought of his direction, beating +the air with his hands in an attempt to drive +off the unseen adversaries that surrounded him +with jeers and whistlings, owlish hoots and +derisive laughter. Behind him he heard his +door beat and beat again upon its hinges, and +he knew that demons had taken possession of +his deserted cell and were desecrating it with +their foul revelries. He ran on blindly, falling +headlong and rising again, till his strength +was exhausted and he lay where he fell.... +</p> + +<p> +He opened his eyes. He was lying on the +level plain of the desert. Long screens of +blowing sand, long filmy processions of sand +which had taken on human and animal forms, +came streaming toward him out of the distance. +There was sand everywhere. His eyes and +mouth and ears were full of sand; sand coated +his skin and filled his clothes, and the ground, +the air, and the sky were full of flying sand. It +was as if the desert itself had risen against the +outcast, had taken on a fierce, vengeful mobility +which would soon engulf him, consume him, +disintegrate and dry him till he himself was +nothing but a cloud among clouds of blowing +sand, whirling restlessly from desert to desert, +with no more life than a vague and changing +form and a thin, crying voice like the voice of +despair. Dust to dust; ashes to ashes. The +words whirled in the emptiness of his mind as +the sand in the empty air, and he nestled his +head in his clasped arms and lay on his face, +still as a boulder, while the sand hailed against +his leather tunic and mounded itself about him +till it overflowed in rivulets over his neck and +arms and legs. +</p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-202"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-202.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<p> +With darkness the storm grew fiercer. The +wind shrieked and howled about his prostrate, +half-buried body and through the wind came +other and wilder howls, now far off, now close +and terrible. Then something touched him, +and again and again. Something heavy and +four-footed stood upon his back. It moved, and +then he felt a hot snuffling breath against his +cheek. He turned his head in horror and +opened his eyes. Green eyes stared down at +him. He clenched his fist and struck out. The +creature moved away, but slowly, and Malchus +felt that it was still lurking close by, with +others, waiting its time. Then a more terrible +outburst of howls severed the night. He was +surrounded by howling, yelling beasts. Raising +his head, he could see their eyes glinting, +now green, now red, all round him. They beat +him, trampled on him; their claws tore at his +naked arms and legs. He sprang to his feet +and flung himself forward, waving his arms, +and there was a scattering of vague shapes in +the darkness and the wind was for a moment +more densely loaded with sand. No longer +daring to lie down, he moved onward, slowly, +feebly, painful step by step, and only when it +grew light did he dare to submit and, abandoning +all effort, sink to the ground in a stupor. +</p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-204"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-204.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<p> +When he awoke he was sitting up, with a +strong arm supporting him. A young man +knelt beside him, offering him a cup of water. +A cake of dried dates lay on a flat stone beside +him. He drank the water greedily and then +ate the dates; then he turned his eyes to the +young man's. They were deep, untroubled +blue eyes like the eyes of a child. As they met +Malchus's they were full of a gentle solicitude. +"How do you come to be here, so far from +mankind?" he asked Malchus. +</p> + +<p> +"I was a hermit," Malchus replied, in a voice +that was hardly more than a sigh. +</p> + +<p> +"I too am a hermit," answered the young +man. "My cell is only a few yards away. +When I came out this morning I found you +lying here." He helped Malchus to rise. +"Come into my cell," he said, "for you are +half dead." +</p> + +<p> +Malchus shook his head. "I cannot," he +said, "for I am not worthy. I have committed +the unforgivable sin and I must go my way." +</p> + +<p> +"Whither are you going?" +</p> + +<p> +Malchus pointed forward into the desert. +</p> + +<p> +"But can I do no more for you, my brother?" +the young man asked him. +</p> + +<p> +"Pray for me," Malchus replied as he began +to move away. "Pray that I myself may some +day dare to pray again." +</p> + +<p> +The young hermit stood watching the +meager, plodding figure which soon the desert +gathered out of his sight into its arid heart.... +</p> + +<p> +Week after week Malchus pushed on. At +first he was fed by the hermits upon whose +lonely cells he chanced often enough to escape +starvation, for in those days the number of +hermits in the desert was very great. But after +a while the cells grew less frequent and he +began to enter a stark country which seemed to +have been stripped of all life. Only once in +that quarter did he come upon a cell. It stood +gaunt upon the naked rock, itself more like a +rock than a house built by mortal hands. In it +lived an aged and venerable hermit who had +spoken with the great Saint Anthony face to +face. There were no springs in that waterless +waste and the ancient man was compelled to +collect in sponges the dew which fell only in +the last two months of the year. Every +evening he set out the sponges on his roof and +before dawn he squeezed the dew out of them +into a cistern. In this way he was able to +collect enough water for the whole year. He +set food and water before Malchus and +questioned him about his journey. +</p> + +<p> +"I do not know whither I am going, my +father," Malchus replied, "for I who was a +hermit have committed the unforgivable sin +and I fly onward into the pathless wilderness +that I may escape from humanity and from my +sin." +</p> + +<p> +"For him that truly repents," the old man +answered, "there is no unforgivable sin. But +if, being a hermit, you committed sin, it was +because you did not perpetually set death, and +that which follows death, before your eyes; for +he who has his eyes perpetually fastened on +death comes to a state of understanding which +forever releases the soul from temptation. +Each day the hermit must set his soul to +contemplate this mortal body of ours and must +speak thus with the voice of his soul to each +part of it in turn: 'O legs, which have strength +to move yourselves and to stand up, stand up +before the presence of your Lord.' And to the +hands: 'O hands, so soon to decay and crumble +into dust and never again be clasped together; +before that hour of dissolution comes, stretch +yourselves out in supplication to the Lord.' And +to the whole body: 'O body, rise and +worship God and bear me up that I may offer +praise and prayer to the Lord with a good +heart, before we are separated one from another +and I go down into the place of forgetfulness +and am fettered in everlasting darkness, and +you consume away and rot and become a thing +of loathing and putrefaction. For if you +follow after the delights and pleasant things of +the world you will surely cast me into +never-ending torment.' My son," the old man +concluded, "if you meditate thus always until the +truth of these things has bitten itself into your +heart and mind, it will be impossible for you +thereafter to commit sin." +</p> + +<p> +Then Malchus, having eaten and drunk, +arose and bade the holy man farewell. +</p> + +<p> +Thenceforward all human habitation ceased, +but still he traveled onwards. His food was +now the meager herbage springing in rare places +among stones or in the frail shadow of +thorn-bushes, and his scarce drink was from a desert +well or some foul and clotted pool which still +lingered stagnating among the sandhills. +</p> + +<p> +One morning, after many desolate days, he +saw far ahead of him on the pale floor of the +desert as it were a ragged black cloth. It was +about four hours after dawn, and as he walked +on he saw also that the desert before him was +streaked with green. Then, as he drew nearer, +he saw that what had seemed to be a black +cloth was in truth a great herd of browsing +beasts; and when, at noon, he came up with +them, he found that they were buffaloes. They +were feeding upon the green herb which sprang +plentifully in that place. Some of them lifted +their great lowering heads as he approached, +and he was afraid and was about to turn aside, +when two figures, dark as themselves, stood +upright in the midst of the herd. When they +saw Malchus they began to come toward him, +making their way among the beasts. And +Malchus saw that they had the forms of men +and that they were naked and their bodies +covered with hair. He stood, his limbs weak +with terror, for he was sure that they were +demons, but as they drew near, one of them +shouted to him, "Do not be afraid, for we are +men like yourself." +</p> + +<p> +Malchus made the sign of the Cross, but +still they came on. "If you are men," he asked +them, fearfully, "why are you living among +wild beasts?" +</p> + +<p> +The one who had spoken before replied: +"We were once monks in a great monastery, +the monastery of Tabenna; but we both desired +the life of solitude, so we left the monastery +and wandered into the desert alone, and at +length we came here. We have been here for +forty years. I am an Egyptian and this brother +is a Lybian." Then he began to question +Malchus. "Tell me," he said, "how it goes with +the children of men. Do they still build houses +and ships? Do the ancient cities still stand +and are their kings and governors still subject +to the powers of evil? And what of the land +we knew? Do the river waters still rise in flood +once in the year?" +</p> + +<p> +Malchus turned away with a sign of repulsion. +"I cannot answer such questions, for I, +too, have abandoned the world." Then he +turned to the two creatures again, his eyes still +fierce with suspicion. "How," he muttered, +"can you be men? For if men were to remain +here naked and without shelter, their bodies +would be burned up by the summer sun and +frozen to death by the winter cold." +</p> + +<p> +"We are men indeed," answered the +Egyptian, "though we graze the green herb +with the beasts, and God has given to our naked +bodies the power to endure both heat and cold." +</p> + +<p> +Then those two human creatures turned from +him to the nearest patch of herb, and there +crouched upon their hands and knees and began +to feed. And the great beasts that browsed +about them accepted them as one of themselves +and, moving forward as they cropped the herb, +they inclosed them in their midst and Malchus +saw them no more. +</p> + +<p> +With a heavy sigh he resumed his way. +"Here," he said to himself, "I have crossed the +limit of the human world." But still he fled +onward, for his despair drove him, and again +he was a creeping thing upon the powdery +floors of the desert, goaded daily by remorse, +horror-stricken, and tortured nightly by the +devils into whose power he had give himself, +his body all the while blistered by the noonday +fire, shaken by the chills of night, consumed by +hunger and thirst and strange fevers. Throughout +that time he trusted for his sustenance to +what green herb he might find, for he would +collect no food to carry with him, being +determined to leave in God's hands whether he +should live or die. And at last in a remoter +desert of rock and sand he saw the dark mouth +of a cave in the rock. He climbed up to it and +looked inside, and when his eyes grew +accustomed to the dimness he saw a man seated +within with his back to the entrance. Malchus +took up a stone and beat against the rock after +the custom of the hermits, but the man did not +move, and thinking that he might be at prayer +or in a state of meditation, Malchus sat +patiently outside, waiting till he should have +finished. Yet after many hours the man had +not moved, and when Malchus knocked again +more loudly he took no notice. +</p> + +<p> +But Malchus could not bring himself to depart. +He was desperate, in his long loneliness, +for the comfort of a human voice; even a short +phrase, a human word or two, would be something +to take back with him into the great void +where the only voices were the voices of those +embodiments of evil which tormented him by +night. And so he entered the cave and laid his +hands on the bowed shoulders of the seated +man. Then, to his horror, the figure swayed, +paused, and suddenly crumbled beneath the +weight of his arms into a wreckage of bones and +dry powder. The powdery dust stuck to his +hands and steamed up into his nostrils, and he +sprang back, sickened to the heart and, +turning round, fled in horror from the cave. +</p> + +<p> +Dust to dust. All about him now was dust +and sand, the dried and crumbled residue of +extinct life. For now he had reached the limit +not only of humanity, but of life itself, and +nothing was left for him but to parch and +disintegrate with all else, a prey to the relentless +heat and cold and the eternal restlessness of the +winds. With a shudder of loathing he shook +that gray human dust from his hands; but as he +stared into the open palms the thought came to +him, in the words of the aged holy man, that +those hands of his would ere long decay and +crumble into the same gray dust. Why, then, +should he turn with loathing from what he +himself was so soon to become? For whether +the soul is destined for eternal bliss or eternal +torment, dust is surely the destiny of the body. +As he pondered those words, spoken by the soul +to the hands, he remembered how they continued, +"Before that hour of dissolution comes, +stretch yourselves out in supplication to the +Lord," and for the first time since his frenzied +flight had begun he felt within him the desire +and the courage to pray. +</p> + +<p> +He was passing now by a solitary rock +shaped like an altar, and it came into his mind +that it had been set there as a sign that his +prayer would be accepted. He approached it +and knelt down before it. "O Saviour of +mankind," he prayed, "guide me through this +desolation to the place where I may at last find +forgiveness." He remained long in prayer and +when he rose he felt for the first time that a +little core of light had begun to dawn in the +blackness of his despair. Each day, after that, +he prayed, and night by night the hauntings of +the demons were diminished and he knew that +the tyranny which the powers of evil had gained +over him was abating. He felt now that he +was under heavenly guidance as day after day +he wandered on, heedless of the changes in the +great monotony of sand that seemed boundless +as the earth itself, until he began again to come +upon the solitary cells of the hermits. Some +were empty and ruinous, but in others he found +the stern inhabitant who shared with him his +scanty store of bread and water. The impulse +to fly from himself which had first driven him +out on his long pilgrimage, had spent itself, +and he began to think that when he came to a +suitable place he would stop there and build +himself a cell in which, by a life of stern +repentance, he might pursue that forgiveness for +which he had prayed. +</p> + +<p><br><br><br></p> + +<p><a id="chap13"></a></p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-217"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-217.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<h3> + <i>Chapter<br> + Thirteen</i><br> +</h3> + +<p> +When that thought had grown to a resolve, +night had fallen. A full moon rising heavy +and ripe out of the horizon was transforming +the night into a pale and spectral day, and +Malchus determined to travel on through the +night and to choose for his abode the place +where he should stop to rest an hour before +dawn. And so he tramped on, and when it +seemed that the night was flagging and dawn +was not far off he halted on a ledge midway +up a sandy slope and, nestling down into the +deep, loose sand which still kept beneath the +surface the warmth of the departed day, he +fell asleep. +</p> + +<p> +When he awoke, sunlight brooded heavy +upon the world. His memory was confused +and it seemed to him that this was no more +than many of his awakenings in the unknown +desert. Then the voice of his soul spoke as loud +and clear as if an unseen speaker stood beside +him. "Here is the place," it said, "in which +you must seek forgiveness." And hearing +those words, Malchus remembered that where +he lay was the place in which he had resolved +to remain. He rose up to survey it; but as he +raised his eyes astonishment seized him, then +horror and despair. Was it a hideous delusion, +or had he been led during all these days not +by Heaven but by demons? For, like a sudden +and murderous onslaught, the discovery flashed +upon him that he was standing before his own +cell. And not only that, but, as he continued +to glare dumbly at the familiar scene, he saw +that a few yards away, small and slim in her +straight gown, the cane-gatherer stood watching +him. At that a frenzy came upon him and, +snatching up stones in both hands, he rushed +forward, hurling them at the girl and snatching +up more and hurling again. But as he +drew near to her her face became distorted and +hideous and she dissolved before his eyes like +a wraith; and Malchus stood poising a great +stone in his right hand and staring foolishly +on vacant air. He dropped the stone, but as +he turned, with doubt and fear in his heart, +toward his cell, he saw the girl come round the +corner of it and—lovely again as when he had +first seen her—vanish into the doorway. A +shuddering came upon him like an ague, for +now he understood that this was God's answer +to his prayer that he might be guided to the +place where he should find forgiveness. It was +not by flying from his sin that he could overcome +it, but by facing it. And now, in answer +to his prayer, God had brought him face to face +with the bodily symbol of his sin. He understood, +but his courage sank before the ordeal; +he felt that he was not yet strong enough to +face the terrible and supreme struggle which +involved the fate of his immortal soul. For, +despite the long weeks of austerity in the +inner-most desert, his mind was still troubled by +earthly weaknesses and earthly desires: even +after this long mortification of the flesh the +desire of the flesh was still alive. How could +he be sure, then, that he would have the +strength to conquer? Could he stand firm +against that girl, mortal or demon, waiting for +him there in his cell? He stood trembling, +for even this brief sight of her had aroused in +him all his old half-conquered desire. If he +were to fail again in the contest, how +irrevocable this time would be his damnation. He +braced himself and, raising his arms to Heaven, +cried for mercy. "O Father," he prayed, "try +not my weakness too sternly. Drive me not +away from Thee." He took a few trembling +steps toward the cell. Then he stopped. The +odds were too terrible; his courage suddenly +broke like a wall that collapses upon itself, and +with hands thrust out before him like one +groping in utter darkness, he turned his back +on the cell and ran down the slope to the desert +plain below. +</p> + +<p> +He neither knew nor cared where he was +going. He did not even know why he ran. As +when Helena had cast him off, he felt that his +life was broken in two. But now it was worse; +for, to a man who is fleeing from God, no new +hope, no saving ideal, can ever come. Henceforward +he would be no more than a beast cast +out from the herd, wandering lonely and +disconsolate till death should bring deliverance. +Worse, even worse, than that; for to him death +would bring not deliverance, but inescapable +and everlasting torment. +</p> + +<p> +He had stopped running. His feeble body +had of its own accord stood still, and, swaying +like a tree in the wind, his head muffled in his +cloak as if to shut out all existence, he tried +to collect his thoughts. But his mind was dark +and empty. A whirlwind of misery and despair +filled its emptiness, and he stood, without +a will, without thought, blind, stark as a desert +rock, empty as a tomb. +</p> + +<p> +Suddenly he started with fear. A touch +had fallen upon his arm and a well-known +voice sounded in his ears. "My son, I saw you +in a vision as you were returning to yourself +and I have brought you the money which I +received in Alexandria for your weaving." A +hand drew down his hand and put money +into it. "It was told me in Alexandria that +God has freed your father from the burden of +the flesh. Give thanks to God, then, that he +has given freedom to your father and has +loosed from you another earthly bond." +</p> + +<p> +Malchus stood immovable. He dared not +lower the cloak from his face lest his eyes +should meet the eyes of Serapion. A hand +fell on his shoulder as if to comfort and +exhort him, and in a little while Malchus felt +that he was alone. Then only did he dare to +lower his cloak. A hundred paces behind him +a lonely figure retreated across the sand, and +Malchus knew that he had cast off his only +friend. He turned away with a sob and +continued his aimless wandering; and, as he fared +on, the storm of passion abated and he understood +what Serapion had told him. At first the +thought that his father was dead was no more +to him than an echo out of the remote distance; +it came to him as a surprise that his father +should have been alive until so lately. But +soon his dissolved life began to crystallize in +new thoughts and emotions about this new +thing and, as it were, to become coherent +again. For, now that his father was dead, his +mother would be alone, and he told himself +that it was his duty to go to Alexandria to help +her to settle her affairs. That thought became +the center of his life; he fastened upon it as +strayed birds of passage settle in flocks among +the rigging of a ship, finding there for a +moment foothold and repose in the homeless void +of sea and sky. His life took on again a +meaning and direction and he did not question +whether it was truly love for his mother or +the sight of a refuge for his own mind that +urged him on. He knew only that his desires +were fixed on returning to Alexandria. +</p> + +<p> +And so he wandered on, not knowing where +he was in the vast deformity of the desert; and +late in the evening he found himself on the +bank of the great river. Human shapes moved +before him, and, following them, he went on +board a boat which stood with loosely hanging +sail at a wooden jetty. It seemed that it was +about to cross the river and he stationed +himself lonely and apart on the deck, as he had +done long ago when he had followed Serapion +on to the ship on Lake Mareotis. +</p> + +<p> +The passage of the river did not take long, +but when they touched the further bank it was +already broad moonlight. The other +passengers, having disembarked, settled themselves +in the sand on the edge of the broad track +which skirted the river. Malchus questioned +one of them, who replied that they were waiting +for a caravan which was traveling northward +toward the towns and villages at the +mouth of the river, and Malchus resolved at +once that he too would join the caravan. He +lay down in the sand not far from the other +travelers, brushing away the upper layers with +his hands till he came down to the warmth that +lingered below, and soon, overcome with +weariness, he fell into a deep sleep. +</p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-225"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-225.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<p> +It seemed that he had only slept for a few +minutes when some one shook him by the +shoulder and he awoke to a hushed, multitudinous +noise which seemed to fill the whole +desert. It was the sound of hundreds of +muffled footsteps churning the sand, the low +muttering of a great company, the snuffling and +breathing of camels, and the creaking of their +harness and loads. The sky was cold and +bright as polished steel. Malchus saw with +amazement that it was not more than an hour +from the dawn. He stood up, feeling stiff, +weary, and very old. A great blur of shadowy +forms moved against the clear sky and, like the +distant rocks and hills of an unstable world, the +fantastic shapes of camels swayed above them. +The air was sharp and searching: he could see +the breath of the camels smoking upward in a +thin fume. +</p> + +<p> +With the others who had crossed the river, +he took his place in the rear of the shadowy +host, and before they had marched an hour the +dawn broke like a sudden summer on their +right flank and their left was accompanied by a +long saw-edged shadow like a mountain range +that flowed and undulated in pace with them. +Too soon upon the dawn came the torrid +sunlight, burning up the morning coolness and +adding another torment to each suffering life +in the great sinuous retinue. As they went on +their way, new companies joined them, and +before long Malchus and his companions were +no longer in the rear, but in the middle of the +line of march. Noon came, burdening them +with its relentless pressure, and Malchus, as +in his lonely desert wanderings, fell into that +monotonous rhythm of movement in which the +body labors on wearily of its own accord and +the mind is lulled into a stupor. +</p> + +<p> +Suddenly a tremor ran through the company, +a spasm of doubt, apprehension, then of sharp +fear. Malchus thrilled to it with the rest and, +seeing many heads turned eastward, he turned +his eyes in that direction and saw a great cloud +of dust that moved toward them like a sandstorm. +He watched it keenly, anxiously, till +it grew to a company of white-cloaked riders. +Rapidly they came nearer and nearer still. +They were Arabs. Perched on their long-legged +camels, they crouched eagerly forward. +Their long cloaks streamed behind them. Soon +they were so close that if they had been going +to cross the course of the caravan they would +have swung to the right or left; but still they +swept on, straight for the center. Then +suddenly the caravan broke into three. The van +detached itself from the rest and flew cowering +forward; the rear turned and shrank backward +on its tracks. A small company in the middle, +which included Malchus and his companions +and a dozen laden camels, halted, terrified and +bewildered by its sudden isolation. The +white-cloaked riders swept round them in a circle and +closed in upon them. +</p> + +<p> +Malchus awaited the outcome like one in a +trance. Was this, he wondered numbly, God's +retribution for his cowardly flight from the +ordeal appointed by Him? Without hope and +without fear he watched some of the Arabs +dismount and move among the captured company, +carrying drawn swords in their hands. +Soon an Arab approached him also, and he was +led away to where four camels lay waiting. +The small heads with their great eyes and +haughty muzzles moved, scornfully inquisitive, +on the top of the long bird-like necks. The +Arab stopped before the first and signed to +Malchus to mount. A figure wrapped in a +black cloak was already in the saddle. Malchus +climbed up behind it. The figure did not +stir, and Malchus, too, neither stirred nor spoke, +waiting idly for what should happen. +</p> + +<p> +When all the prisoners were mounted and a +party of Arabs had taken charge of the +captured camels, one of the Arabs came up and +beat up the four grumbling beasts and the +company began to move. The van and the rear +of the caravan, which had fled forward and +backward, were no longer in sight. They had +vanished among the rocks and sandhills. +</p> + +<p> +Malchus, looking for the sun, saw that they +were now traveling due east. At first they +moved slowly, but soon the leaders broke into +a canter and Malchus and his unknown +companion were flung against each other. The +violent swaying began to give him great pain, +and, seeing that his companion was also +distressed, Malchus put his arms about him that +they might steady each other. Thus bound +together, they were able to avoid the swaying +and buffeting which had tormented them and +endangered their safety when apart. The +thought of Alexandria, which, when he had +joined the caravan, had grown for Malchus +into something beautifully and terribly real, +had shrunk back now into a dream. Perhaps +he would never go there now, and his mind +effortlessly began to picture the city—the +streets, his parents' house, his own house, and +that little door, so piercingly familiar, which +opened into Helena's garden. He paused at +the door, hesitated; something—he could not +remember what—held him forcibly back, but +he shook off the restraint and opened the door. +He went in quickly and secretly, shutting the +door behind him, and stood breathless at the +beauty of the place, at the gentle stirring +chequer of sunlight and leaf shadows, the +flowers drooping in clusters from the trees and +swelling in mounds of blended colors from the +grass, the fountains—silver ghosts half-seen +among the trees—filling the place with the +cooling rustle of water. He ventured forward upon +a grassy walk, but figures moved among the +trees and he hid himself till they had passed. +"Where is she?" he asked himself with ecstatic +fear, and just as he was going to move again he +saw that Helena was watching him through the +boughs. She came toward him, her eyes shining +with pleasure, and he stood waiting. A +voice called him loudly and commandingly +from the garden gate. He trembled, for he +knew that it was the voice of God; but he +lingered like a disobedient child and Helena +caught him by the shoulders. Then, +submitting wilfully to his desire as he had done +when the cane-gatherer came to his cell, he +threw his arms around Helena, whispering into +her ear little passionate phrases, deliciously +aware of the smallness and suppleness of the +body in his arms. Then a startling rush of +wind in his ears and a gust of sand in his face, +and he awoke to the flowerless desert and the +weary lurching of the camel. But still he was +no more than half awake; still his mind thrilled +to the sweetness of his meeting with Helena, +his arms still felt that soft weight of her body. +Though a man is not responsible before God +for his dreams, was it not deadly sin to take +delight in the memory of them? But this +was more than a memory. He still held the +soft body in his arms. He cried out in fear +and the cry roused him from his drowsiness. +The body that he clasped was the body of his +fellow captive. He shuddered and loosed his +grasp, as if what he clasped were a thing +unclean. But at his cry and the loosing of his +arms his companion turned, and at the same +moment another gust of wind blew the cloak +from the muffled face. Malchus saw with +horror and despair that the face looking at him +was the face of a woman. +</p> + +<p> +Was she an evil spirit in human form? Or +was it that God had rescued him from his +cowardly flight and his desperate attempt to +return to Alexandria, and brought him again, +with an inexorable indulgence, face to face +with his sin? Malchus did not know; but he +knew that he was in dire jeopardy and he +prayed from his heart, making the holy sign +at the end of each prayer. And still, despite +his prayers, the woman remained on the saddle +in front of him, so that he knew she was no +demon, but a creature of flesh and blood like +himself. The speed of their going had slackened +to a walk, but now again the leaders of the +company urged on the lurching beasts and +again Malchus and his companion clung +together for safety. And Malchus cried to the +soul within him: "O my soul, such is the +outcome of your attempt to escape the judgment +of God and return to the life which you had +cast off." +</p> + +<p><br><br><br></p> + +<p><a id="chap14"></a></p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-233"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-233.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<h3> + <i>Chapter<br> + Fourteen</i><br> +</h3> + +<p> +Late in the evening of the second day, +when the sky was already curdling into darkness +and those sharp points of brightness which +are called the stars, they halted. They had +reached the Arab encampment. A dark cluster +of tents showed square and angular on the gray +plain and the air was full of the mournful +bleating of the flocks which had been brought +in from pasture. Then the same Arab came +and made their camel kneel down, and Malchus +and the woman stepped stiffly into the +sand and lay down apart to rest in the place +appointed for them. +</p> + +<p> +Soon after the dawn Malchus awoke. A +tall figure stood beside him, who ordered him +to rise up and follow him. It was the sheikh +of the company who had captured them, and +he led Malchus toward the largest of the tents +and, lifting the curtain of the doorway, took +him inside. A woman crouched on the floor, +preparing food. The sheikh told Malchus that +this was his mistress whom he must obey, and +Malchus, being defenseless, bowed himself +down before the Arab woman. Then food of +curdled camel's milk was given to him for +himself and the woman who had ridden with +him, and he returned to the place where he had +slept. Of the rest of the captives he saw +nothing, and, being alone with the woman +among a strange people, Malchus was forced to +converse with her daily, to the peril of his soul. +But he did not allow his eyes to fall upon her, +for he had seen that she was young and beautiful. +Her name was Veronica. She was a +married woman of his own race. Her husband's +house was in Lycopolis, and when she +had fallen into the hands of the Arabs she had +been traveling to Alexandria; but of her life +and circumstances Malchus knew no more, since +he forbore to question her or to talk with her +more than was needful. She herself spoke no +more than he, but when she did so the soft low +note of her voice thrilled him, for it was too +like the voice of Helena—so like that, +whenever she spoke, old memories and old delights +woke again in his heart and dreams of Helena +troubled his nightly sleep. +</p> + +<p> +After a few days the sheikh led Malchus +out and set him in charge of their flock in place +of the Arab shepherd who was so old that he +could scarcely drag his parched and wearied +body as far as the meager pastures where the +beasts found a daily sustenance. For two days +the old shepherd accompanied Malchus, showing +him where the sparse herb sprang among +the rocks and thorns, and in the evening when +they had returned to the tents he sat with +Malchus, teaching him the names of the sheep and +goats. Each had its own name and each when +called would raise its head and come to the +call. The Arabs scorn the shepherd's lot, +preferring the monotonous idleness of the camp to +the free and open life of the herdsman, and +none of them will undertake it except from bare +necessity. +</p> + +<p> +But the freedom and peace of the shepherd's +life comforted Malchus. He rose with the dawn +and led forth the flock, and when they had +reached the pasture land the beasts browsed +slowly forward till near upon noon, when he +called them in to shelter from the torrid heat in +the shadows of the rocks or thickets. There he +milked a goat or sheep for his midday meal +and, having drunk, stretched himself full +length in the shade while the sheep stood +together with hanging heads and the goats drew +apart and lay down to rest. Then, when the +breathless urgence of the noon was past, +Malchus called them out to pasture again till +sunset, when he led them back to the encampment, +where the women were waiting to milk +the ewes and female goats. Each beast knew +the woman that milked it and went of its own +accord to the accustomed tent. With the darkness +the herd lay down to rest where the horses +and camels were gathered about the tents, and +the sheep dogs mounted guard through the +night, prowling to and fro with frequent +snarling and barking. Sometimes a wolf came out +of the rocky hills, and at his approach the flock +would suddenly shrink together in a panic and +the dogs set up a loud baying. Then the +shepherd with beating heart leaped up and +raised a clamor to drive off the thief; but often, +when the night was moonless, a small, agonized +bleating was heard in the darkness and, when +the light returned, the flock was the less by a +lamb. When no green herb remained within +a short distance of the camp, Malchus had to +lead the flock further afield, and sometimes +for many days together they were out in the +open desert, since it was too far to return to +camp each night. At such times the sheikh +used to ride out once in two or three days to +see that all was well with the flock. +</p> + +<p> +Malchus was glad of this peaceful occupation. +All day he had the solitude that he desired +and he was dependent upon no man, for +by his labor as shepherd he earned the milk +which he drew from the flock for his sustenance. +In that high desert country the air was pure +and sweet and, except during the burning +noon-tide hours, the sun was less fierce than in the +lower deserts he had known. His body, under +the daily exercise and the healthy diet of milk, +grew firm and strong and his sleep was the deep +sleep of honest weariness. No visions, good or +evil, came to him there. That grim battle +ground of the spirit in which he had lived so +long, where the difficult pursuit of holiness and +the endless struggle against evil were alike an +unceasing torment and all earthly things were +but the outward manifestation of striving +spiritual forces, seemed now a country remote +as the moon. He had been carried, it seemed, +into a peaceful limbo where all was simple and +kindly, and he loved the innocent beasts that +answered his call and intrusted themselves to +his guidance. Only two things marred his +life's serenity—the knowledge that he had +failed before the great ordeal of the spirit and +had basely withdrawn from God the life he had +dedicated to Him, and the unappeasable desire +of love which flamed up, still undiminished, in +dreams of Helena and the abiding memory of +the cane-gatherer which lived on in his mind +unexorcised by all his agonies of repentance and +prayer. The presence of his fellow captive, +Veronica, also disturbed him, and made those +unbidden memories more real and vivid than +before. But alone in the high desert with his +flock he had many days of peace in which it +seemed to him that he was not altogether +excluded from the mercy of God, and as he led +them from patch to patch of the sparse herb or, +unsheathing the sword which he carried to +guard them against wolves, set himself to cut +a bundle of dry thorns for his lonely camp fire, +he prayed to God from a full heart for final +deliverance. +</p> + +<p> +Yet in other moods, the fear came upon him +that the untroubled quiet of his life was not +the peace of forgiveness, but the silence of +utter exclusion. Perhaps he was no longer +tormented by evil spirits or visited by comforting +visions because the battle was over and lost +and Satan waited, secure of his prey, for the +moment of his death. Then horror came upon +him and he lay on his face in the dust in the +agony of desperation. But those despairing +moods were less frequent than the other moods +of serenity in which it seemed to him that his +life as a shepherd was a blessed respite from +the tempestuous life of hermit. +</p> + +<p> +But one evening the sheikh called him to his +tent. To reward him for his honest service, he +told Malchus, he was resolved to give him the +woman Veronica as his wife. "For every man," +he said, "has need of a woman to ease his +loneliness and to pitch his tent and serve his +food." Malchus thrust out protesting hands, declaring +that he was a monk and might not marry, and +the woman, besides, was married already. But, +hearing his generosity scorned, the sheikh's +face grew dark with anger and he drew his +sword and would have killed Malchus if he +had not run for refuge to his mistress, the +sheikh's wife, and grasped her hand. Perforce +he resigned himself to the sheikh's will +and, hearing that he submitted, the sheikh was +appeased and a tent was set apart for Malchus +and Veronica and they were married after the +manner of the Arabs. +</p> + +<p> +But when at the end of the day they had +been brought together into the tent and left +alone, Malchus turned his face from Veronica +and crouched in a corner of the tent. He +believed now that the Arabs had been sent to +capture him only that his damnation might be +the more certain. He was being inescapably +drawn to commit once more the sin which had +imperiled his immortal soul. But as this +thought grew to terrible certainty in his mind +it brought with it another—the thought that it +was surely Satan, and not God, who had led +him back through the wilderness to his cell and +shown him the cane-gatherer waiting for him. +His sin, indeed, was unforgivable, God had +abandoned him from the moment he had +committed it. He knew now that all hope was +past. The bitterness of death entered into his +soul and with a choking sob he bowed his head +to the dust. But one thing, at least, he could +do, one act to bear witness before God that +his soul still desired chastity. Rising from the +ground, he drew his sword from its scabbard +and turned the point to his heart. +</p> + +<p> +But in the little moonlight that pierced the +darkness of the tent the woman saw the gleam +of the sword and cried out. The sword slipped +from his trembling hands. +</p> + +<p> +"What are you doing?" she cried. +</p> + +<p> +"Do not be afraid," answered Malchus. "I +will not harm you." +</p> + +<p> +But Veronica was groping toward him in the +dark. She set her foot on the fallen sword. +"Tell me," she whispered, "what you were +going to do." +</p> + +<p> +No reply came from the motionless figure +half seen in the darkness before her. She spoke +again: +</p> + +<p> +"Swear to me by Jesus Christ that you will +not kill yourself because of me. Rather, if +such is your wish, turn your sword against me, +for I am as anxious as you to preserve my +chastity. I fled even from my lawful husband +for the sake of Christ, and when the Arabs +captured me I was on my way with the holy +woman, Melania, to enter the White Convent +which is outside the walls of Alexandria. May +we not, then, live together in chastity, loving +one another with a spiritual love? I will cover +up my face and speak to you only when necessity +compels. So we shall escape the sheikh's +displeasure, for he will never know that we are +not in truth husband and wife." +</p> + +<p> +When Malchus heard these words and perceived +the mercy of God, he knelt down in the +tent and offered up thanks to Him who is the +sinner's salvation. Veronica also prayed in a +corner of the tent apart, and when they had +made an end they lay down to sleep, for at +dawn Malchus would have to go far out into +the desert with the flock and Veronica would +follow him, leading the ass on which they +would load their tent and a few household +utensils. In those days the herb was becoming +rare and they had to seek it so far afield that +the shepherd and his flock were often a whole +month away from the Arab camp. But at +intervals of three or four days the sheikh, as was +his custom, rode out to see that all was well, +and, perceiving that Malchus took good care +of the flock, he was content. +</p> + +<p> +For many weeks Malchus and Veronica lived +together chastely in the sandy solitudes, +sharing their single tent and eating together; and +although they seldom spoke and Malchus never +saw her face, yet he knew that a kindness +toward her was growing up in his heart, and, +imagining the face that he could not see, he +had come to imagine it always as the face of +Helena. So day by day, as he sat lonely +among the high rocks and tended the grazing +beasts, or lay drowsing at noon in the shadow +of some great stone or thorn bush, or watched +nightly with the prowling sheep dogs under +stars which seemed every moment about to +shower down in their bright millions on to the +dim gray desert, his heart began more and more +to turn back with longing toward his cell. +</p> + +<p> +Then his mind grew fruitful with schemes. +The sheikh, secure in his confidence in +Malchus, never visited them now more often than +once in four days, and Malchus began to see +that it might be possible for him and Veronica +to escape. He knew where the river lay. From +the rocky heights above their present +grazing-grounds he had seen its thin silvery scroll +gleaming far to the west. If they could carry +enough food and water for six days they might +be able to reach the river and find there a boat +or some northward-moving caravan. +</p> + +<p> +One evening, when Veronica had finished +milking the ewes, Malchus, returning to their +tent, found her in tears. Her trouble was so +great that she was unable to disguise it and she +sat with her face bowed in her hands, her +shoulders shaken by sobs. At first, when +Malchus questioned her, she could not speak, but +before long she had gained control of herself. +"I think," she sobbed, "that we shall be +captives until our death, and when I reflect that I +shall never enter the holy life for which I have +left my husband and my home, despair comes +upon me, for it seems that God has not found +worthy the life I have offered to him." +</p> + +<p> +Then, for the first time, Malchus spoke to +her of his schemes. "But for wanderers in the +desert," he said, "there waits hunger and +parching thirst and infinite weariness of the body. +Would you risk these things, and worse, for the +bare chance of escape?" +</p> + +<p> +"I would gladly risk death itself," she said; +and seeing her so ready, Malchus began to +build up a plan. +</p> + +<p> +"We must wait till the moon is almost at +the full, and we must wait, too, for a day when +the sheikh comes to visit us so that we may +have all the interval between that visit and his +next before our flight is discovered. It will be a +long journey, four days at the least, and, if we +wander a little out of our direction, perhaps +six or seven. And I must set about preparing +food for the journey and water skins in which +to carry water, so that we shall not have to +linger on the way, seeking for these things, for +water and green herbs may be very scarce in +the part of the desert that we must cross." +</p> + +<p> +During the days that followed, Malchus +killed two kids and dried their flesh for food, +and from their skins he made water skins. It +was the shepherd's duty every second day to +lead his flock to one of the desert pools, for +sheep must drink at least once in two days, and +next time he led them to the water Malchus +took the skins and brought them back filled. +The moon was already waxing toward the full +and, everything being ready, Malchus and +Veronica waited anxiously for the sheikh's +visit. +</p> + +<p> +He came, late one afternoon, cantering on +his long-tailed mare, with two companions. +He began at once, as they had feared, to count +over the flock, and soon noticed that two kids +were missing. When Malchus told him that +they had died, his face darkened and they +waited with stopped breath for what he would +do. But next moment it seemed that he +accepted Malchus's tale, for his face cleared and +he spoke of other matters, and soon he and his +two companions mounted and rode away. +</p> + +<p> +Malchus and Veronica stood watching them +as they grew smaller and smaller and then +vanished over the last visible wave of the desert +with bowed heads and cloaks filled out with the +wind of their speed. +</p> + +<p><br><br><br></p> + +<p><a id="chap15"></a></p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-248"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-248.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<h3> + <i>Chapter<br> + Fifteen</i><br> +</h3> + +<p> +Then they began with feverish haste to +prepare for flight. First they dug out of the +sand the kids' flesh and water skins which they +had buried to hide them from the sheikh, and +then, leaving their tent standing, they led the +flock to the nearest pool, because Malchus could +not bring himself to desert the innocent beasts +where they would perish of thirst. +</p> + +<p> +When the light had almost gone and the +flock had lain down about the pool, they loaded +the flesh and the two water skins on their +shoulders and struck out into the void. For a +while the dead ashes of the sunset guided them; +then suddenly the heaven was full of stars, +waking depth beneath depth in glittering +shoals, and when they had marched a little +above an hour the orange disk of the moon rose +out of the ghostly sands and the whole desert +glimmered white and visionary under the +paling and brightening moonlight. They fled +on in haste, not daring for more than a few +minutes and at rare intervals to throw down +their burdens and ease their aching shoulders. +Crest beyond crest and trough beyond trough, +the desert dropped downward beneath their +stumbling feet and the uplands they had left +grew up higher and higher behind them, lines +of black ramparts against a luminous heaven. +Dawn found them faint with weariness on a +rock-strewn waste between two crests. For +two hours still they labored on, till Veronica +stumbled and fell and could not rise. Then +they ate a little of the flesh and drank some +water and laid themselves down to sleep a little +in the shadows of the rocks. +</p> + +<p> +But it was not long before their fears awoke +them, and soon they were hastening on again +until burning noon, brooding breathless upon +the fiery sand, drove them to seek the shadow. +And now their failing bodies, grown careless, +in their dire exhaustion, of peril and death, +claimed the repose without which they could +no longer endure the labors demanded of them. +They slept till the noonday ardor was long +spent; then, waking with renewed energy and +renewed fear, they plunged on through the hot +and clogging sand, turning their heads +sometimes as they hurried onward, to scan the +horizon behind them. But the horizon was +bare and all the great spaces they had traversed +empty of life, and moonrise saw them plodding +painfully toward the ever-receding crest of a +vast undulation in the sand, beyond which +opened the star-hung emptiness of night. In +all their journey they spoke hardly at all; all +their strength and all their breath were needed +to carry them on. But without the help of +words, fellowship and sympathy were strong +between them, born of the fears and hardships +they had shared. Sometimes Malchus, reminding +himself that his companion was but a +woman, would urge Veronica to take more rest +and food, but Veronica bore up with an energy +equal to his own and for him the steadfastness +of body and soul in this small woman was a +thing for wonder and admiration. +</p> + +<p> +It was in the morning of the fourth day that, +as Malchus turned to stare backward on their +tracks, two shapes rose suddenly upon the sky +line. In a moment they had dropped downward +from the blue and were descending the +pallid gold of the desert. They were +camel-drivers. Malchus said nothing of it to +Veronica, but his eyes anxiously scanned the +country that lay about them. They were +rounding the slow curve of a hillside. On their +left the desert fell away to a wide, empty +hollow; on the right, not far above them, it +heaved itself against the sky in a rampart of +broken rocks. Malchus led the way upward. +Their only hope was to find some cleft or +hollow in the rocks. He shot a glance backward. +The riders had disappeared, but he could see +their tracks, scrawled in a long curve down the +slope to where a nearer crest hid them, and +Malchus's trembling imagination pictured +them scouring the intervening hollow and +mounting faster and faster to the new crest on +which, at any moment, they would appear, +terrifyingly enlarged. The knowledge that in +that silence and emptiness a secret death was +rushing toward them, the sense of a headlong +pursuit about to burst upon them when and +where he did not know, but terribly soon and +terribly near, gripped his heart in a hand of ice. +He threw his arm about the laboring Veronica, +urging her up the rising ground toward the +rocks. Then, high above them, a great ragged +disk of black shadow appeared among the +rocks and Malchus knew that God, who is the +Help of the helpless and the Hope of the +hopeless had opened a cavern for them in the +cliff. They climbed desperately toward it, +gripping the sheer rocks with their hands, and +flung themselves within. Shrunk together into +a dark corner, they huddled breathless, listening +while it seemed to each of them that the +loud beating of their hearts filled the whole +cavern with dull vibrations. Then, crouching +there they grew aware that they were not alone +in the cave. Some other living thing was near +them; the air was thick with the rank, tawny +smell of a wild beast. But in their dire +extremity they had no fear for any beast, for all +their fear was fastened upon their pursuers, +who at any moment would break in upon them. +"If it please God," whispered Malchus, "this +cave shall be our salvation; but if He forsake +us, at least it will receive our dead bodies." +</p> + +<p> +Suddenly the golden mouth of the cave was +blurred with shadow. A man holding a drawn +sword in his hand stood in the sunlight, so close +that, leaning forward, they might have touched +him. They held their breath, immovable as +stone. Then the man, who, because his eyes +were unaccustomed to the darkness of the cave, +could see nothing, shouted into the echoing +mouth. "Come out, you runaway slaves," he +cried. "Your master is waiting for you below." +</p> + +<p> +But as he shouted, something stirred in the +darkness at the other side of the cave and a +great beast sprang at the man and hurled him +to the ground. His sword leaped from his +loosened grasp and clanged upon the rocky +floor. Staring into the bright mouth of the +cave, they saw that the beast was a lioness. +She stood for a moment with her forepaws and +her great head planted upon the prostrate body; +then slowly she dragged it into the cave where +her cubs waited. From the man there came not +a sound, but they could hear the hot breathing +of the beast like a wind throttled in a cleft of +the rocks. +</p> + +<p> +For a long while all was still. Then again a +shadow troubled the brightness of the cave's +mouth; the shadow of a great arm swept +suddenly across the sunlit wall, and the voice of +the sheikh, their master, rang through the +vault. Waiting below, he had become +impatient when his companion did not return with +the captives, and now he had come himself in +great wrath. "Ho, Zogreb!" he shouted, and +the well-known voice struck terror to their +hearts. "Bring them out. Why do you delay?" +</p> + +<p> +With his sword raised he took three paces +into the cave. But again the lioness sprang +like a tree-trunk hurled from a catapult, and +the sheikh went down before her as his servant +had done. His last agonized cry filled the +cavern with the very voice of horror, and then +there was silence but for the dragging of the +heavy corpse along the floor. +</p> + +<p> +Then Malchus and Veronica rose up and +went forth from the cave, and, climbing down +the rocks, they saw two camels picketed below. +Then both fell upon their faces and offered +up thanks to Him who is the Help of the helpless +and the Hope of the hopeless, who had sent +the lioness to deliver them from their oppressor +and had given them the two camels to carry +them back into freedom. And when they had +eaten and drunk of the store of provisions which +they found upon the camels, they loosed the +picket ropes and mounted, and an hour before +sunset of the same day they came to the banks +of the Nile. +</p> + +<p> +They followed the river, and as darkness +fell they reached a town where a north-bound +ship was taking cargo for Alexandria. It was +even then almost ready to cast off. Malchus +and Veronica made haste to unload the camels, +and while Veronica sat guarding the loads on +the wharf, Malchus led away the camels and +sold them to provide money for their passage. +And within the hour they lay on the deck and +the great sail yawned above them in the feeble +breeze, and above the sail, above all their world +of sand and rock and water, yawned the profound +blue of the night filled to its uttermost +recesses with luminous galaxies which showered +their images on the black crystal of the river +gliding endlessly northward. They lay motionless: +a great peace had fallen upon them. It +seemed that their lives, having rushed down +through a great turmoil of fears, agonies, and +despairs, had suddenly swung to rest in a dark, +quiet pool. And in Malchus's mind so great +was the peace that he had ceased to look +forward into the future. +</p> + +<p> +It was Veronica's voice that recalled it to +him. "Do for me now one thing more, my +brother," she said. "Lead me to the White +Convent without the walls of Alexandria. +There we will bid each other farewell and you +will be free." +</p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-258"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-258.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<p> +The words fell like a dirge upon his ears. +How calmly Veronica spoke of their parting. +He himself had forgotten that they were to +part. The terrible adventures and hardships +of their long flight had, for him, drawn them +together by a hundred bonds of sympathy. Day +by day he had seen the great spirit shining in +the small, calm face and carrying the small +body through ordeals that even a strong man +might fear to face, and his own spirit had +bowed in reverence before her nobility. Now, +remembering that in a few days he was to bid +her farewell, his soul shrank within him at the +thought of the separation. It was as if the +noblest part of himself was to be cut away from +him. And during the long, calm days of the +voyage he sat silent and unmoving beside her +while the endless golden hills, the long lines of +emerald palm grove and the broken temples and +monstrous sculptured gods of a race long dead +glided past them and were lost in the all-devouring +distance. And it seemed to him, as he +watched that endless flux and dissolution, that +all the human things of his own world—the +love, the beauty, the swift adventure—were +being slowly but irrevocably withdrawn from +him, leaving him cold, stripped, and solitary, a +shape of rock exposed to the warring tempests +of heaven and hell till it should be weathered +down to a handful of pure gold or a heap of +restless sand. At night, when he slept, his +dreams turned always to Helena. In every +dream now she was in danger or captivity, +calling to him to save her, to take her back to him. +Her voice came to him small and faint from +behind closed doors, out of thick darkness, +across impenetrable forests. Sometimes for a +brief moment she stood before him, close and +vivid; but as his heart warmed into final +happiness she faded from his sight with an +unfinished appeal on her lips. Sometimes he +dreamed of one of his earlier loves and +sometimes, too, of Veronica, but always at the end +of the dream the face, or body, or voice resolved +itself into Helena, as though Helena were for +him the essence and symbol of all womanhood. +</p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-259"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-259.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<p><br><br><br></p> + +<p><a id="chap16"></a></p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-260"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-260.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<h3> + <i>Chapter<br> + Sixteen</i><br> +</h3> + +<p> +Malchus sat outside the closed gate of the +White Convent. He had faithfully led +Veronica to her destination; an hour ago she +had entered the gate and with the closing of +the gate behind her she had left the world +forever. She had approached the convent as a +lover approaching her beloved, and as she bade +farewell to Malchus and his eyes fell upon +her for the last time her face shone with the +ecstatic gladness of a saint entering Paradise. +Yet, though that moment was also the moment +of his own freedom, Malchus felt none of her +gladness. He felt only homeless and +abandoned; it was as though his heart were dying +within him. He found comfort only in the +thought of Alexandria, whose walls and towers +showed a mile to the east above the greenery +of a vineyard. There, it seemed to him, Helena +waited to give him that peace which he had +sought so long. Kneeling beside the convent +wall, he prayed desperately for guidance, but +still his thoughts and desires drew him to +Alexandria so strongly and so insistently that +at last he came to believe that, for some hidden +reason, it was God's will that he should enter +the city. He delayed, perplexed and timid, till +he fell asleep, seated there in the gray dust +under the convent wall. +</p> + +<p> +When he woke his soul was trembling like a +harp string at the touch of a half-forgotten +dream. Some heavenly vision had come to him +and gone again, leaving a trouble like the echo +of incomprehensible words. Then, as he groped +for the meaning of the vision, the words took +on clearness and sense. "Go into Alexandria," +they seemed to say, "and follow your desires, +for thus you shall find your peace." +</p> + +<p> +That, it seemed, was the only answer to his +prayer. He rose and, with slow and doubtful +steps, began to make his way toward the city, +and at sunset he entered the court of Diocles +the poet and stood by the little fountain which +leaped from a fringe of tall blue irises, while +the slave went to announce his name. He had +not waited for more than a minute when a +quick step sounded in the portico and Diocles, +with the familiar movement of his wide +shoulders, came hurrying forward with +outstretched hands. +</p> + +<p> +"My dear Malchus!" he cried in his deep, +ringing voice, laying his two hands on Malchus's +shoulders. "At last you have returned +after all this time. And you left us without a +word ... without a hint, how many years +ago?" +</p> + +<p> +"A lifetime, for me, Diocles!" Malchus replied, +gazing at his friend as at some incredible +vision. +</p> + +<p> +"Yes, a lifetime indeed, my friend; for you +are changed beyond belief." +</p> + +<p> +Malchus did not reply, for he realized now +for the first time the full magnitude of the +change which had come over him. For Diocles +was not changed; he was the same as when +Malchus had last seen him, but it seemed to +him that he himself was beholding his friend +and the familiar house across a gulf wide as +the grave, for the man and the place, so familiar +to his sight, were strange, immeasurably +strange, to his mind and soul. He felt that he +had dropped back suddenly into a life whose +language he had forgotten and he could do +nothing but gaze at Diocles in speechless +bewilderment. Diocles saw his distress and, +throwing his arm about Malchus's shoulder, led +him into the house. +</p> + +<p> +"Come, my friend," he said, "you are +exhausted. The slaves shall take you to the bath +and I will seek you out some fresher and more +comfortable clothes than those you are wearing +at present. When you are bathed and +rested you shall tell me your adventures, which, +I am sure, must have been of the strangest." Diocles +clapped his hands and the slaves came +and led Malchus to the bath. +</p> + +<p> +But the slaves, as they bathed the parched +body and anointed it with unguents, gazed at +Malchus in astonishment, for, overcome by the +waking of a hundred memories, his dazed mind +had sunk into a stupor and it seemed to them +that the nerveless body and limbs that they +handled were the body and limbs of a puppet. +</p> + +<p> +When he was bathed and dressed, one of the +slaves led him to the portico where Diocles +reclined, waiting for him. The poet rose at his +approach and led him to a couch beside his own. +"Lie here, my dear Malchus," he said, "and +rest. You are still, I think, too tired to talk. +Try to sleep for a while. I will give orders +that no one is to be admitted." +</p> + +<p> +Malchus lay down without a word; then, +looking up at his friend, his eyes kindled for a +moment to something of their old intensity. +</p> + +<p> +"Tell me," he asked, "before I sleep, of Helena." +</p> + +<p> +"Still of Helena, my poor Malchus? But +what can I tell you? Helena has gone. +Months ago she left us almost as suddenly as +you did. She had been ill for a while and +suddenly one day we heard that her villa was +closed and she had gone abroad—to +Constantinople, it was said. The villa is closed +still and nobody can tell us whether or not she +will ever return." +</p> + +<p> +Malchus made no reply, but Diocles, looking +into the worn face of his friend, saw the +lips turn gray and a look of deeper suffering +contract the wrinkled flesh about the eyes, and +as he laid his head back upon the pillow he +turned away his face like a dying man. +</p> + +<p> +For many days Malchus stayed on, a lonely +stranger, in the house of Diocles. When +friends, some of whom had been his friends, +visited Diocles, he avoided them, for he could +no longer talk to them. Their fluent, cultured +talk had lost all meaning for him, and he sat +silent among them, his eyes like the eyes of a +wild creature that has been trapped in a cage. +Diocles saw that some devastating experience +had transformed his friend and was careful to +guard him from all annoyance. In time, he +hoped, Malchus would recover something of his +old self. And sometimes, indeed, it seemed +that he was awaking from his stupor, for by +degrees, when he and Diocles were alone, he +began to break silence. He spoke always of the +past, of his old life in Alexandria; but his +talk was always vague and hesitating and he +questioned Diocles often, as though he were +blindly seeking for some clue in events which +he himself had half forgotten. It was as +though he were recovering from a long and +severe illness. +</p> + +<p> +One day he dared at last to walk out into +the city. He went alone, walking slowly and +shrinkingly, keeping close to the walls like a +man who fears an ambush. And indeed he +had cause to fear, for on all sides from streets +and squares and porches the ambushed +memories arose like strong perfumes from +flowers, till the present reality about him was +confused and darkened by the stronger and +more tyrannous reality of the past, searching +out and delicately torturing the hidden nerves +of spirit and sense. As he gazed about him he +knew that he had lost that awareness of place +and time, of the here and the now, by which a +man is able to relate himself to his temporal +surroundings. His spirit had strayed, it +seemed, into some interspace between past and +present, his old life in Alexandria, his present +ghost-like haunting of those old scenes, and the +remote, holy, and terrible life of the desert; for +all of these diverse lives were present to him +and all were equally real or unreal. +</p> + +<p> +Such was the mood in which he wandered +through the city. Soon he found himself +standing at the door of Helena's garden. His +instinct had led him there. But now another +instinct—the instinct of the hermit who had +fled from the cane-gatherer and shrunk away +from the presence of Veronica—tightened his +muscles in a spasm of revulsion, and with +clenched fists and suddenly indrawn breath he +drew back from the door. He was on the point +of hastening away, when those words which had +come to him in the dream struck again upon his +sense so clearly that it seemed that some +invisible presence had spoken them in his ear. +"Go into the city and follow your desires, for +thus shall you find your peace." But to what +purpose had his desires led him to the house +where Helena was no more? Even if he should +try to enter the deserted garden, he would surely +find this door barred against him. The very +door looked deserted; it was weather-worn and +caked with dust, and the weeds encumbered the +threshold. He stood irresolutely gazing at it. +Then, obeying an idle impulse, he stretched out +his hand and laid it on the latch. +</p> + +<p> +To his surprise, the door opened. He went +in and closed it quickly behind him. +</p> + +<p> +The garden was beautiful in its abandonment; +the paths that had been so faultless in +the old days were covered with weeds; the +grass of the lawns, formerly short and smooth +as the fur of a squirrel, stood a foot high, and +the flowers had broken bounds and changed the +place into a jungle rich with a hundred odors +and colors. Its beauty soothed the heart which +ached for its desolation. +</p> + +<p> +Walking slowly and softly like one who +enters a holy place, Malchus made his way +toward the house. He came upon it round a tall +grove of rose-laurels, thick with blossom. Like +the little door and the garden, it was desolate. +He stood like one in a trance, gazing with +incredulous eyes. It faced him blindly. He felt +that he was looking into a dead and eyeless +face which till now had always shone for him +with a thousand welcomes. Still, as if +attracted by the misery of it, he walked on and +stood by the tall porch. Suddenly his heart +leaped. Rapid footsteps were approaching +him. He turned. An old man stood before +him. Malchus knew him—he was Helena's +house steward. +</p> + +<p> +"What are you doing here?" the old man +asked. There was both fear and challenge in +his voice. +</p> + +<p> +"You do not recognize me, Ammon," Malchus +answered him. "I am Malchus, the son of +Sempronius. I have been away for a long +while and, finding the garden door open just +now, I entered. Let me come in and look round +the house too, and then I will depart." +</p> + +<p> +"I am sorry, sir, but you cannot enter." +</p> + +<p> +"But why? Surely..." +</p> + +<p> +"My mistress gave strict orders, sir." +</p> + +<p> +"Yes, against inquisitive strangers, Ammon; +but an old friend.... Come, let me go +in." Malchus was about to enter when the old man +seized him by the cloak. +</p> + +<p> +"Stop, sir! Stop! Let me explain." Malchus +turned impatiently and saw that the old +man was trembling. The sight of his trouble +roused a sudden, enthralling doubt in +Malchus's mind, and his persistence became the +more stubborn. +</p> + +<p> +"You know me, my friend," he said. "Why +make all this trouble? I am not a thief." +</p> + +<p> +"I implore you, sir, to go away. The gate +should not have been left open. It was all my +fault, and the consequences..." +</p> + +<p> +"That is soon remedied, Ammon; and, as it +happens, no harm has come of it." Malchus, +too, was trembling now. The old man stood +wringing his hands. +</p> + +<p> +"Do not speak so loud, sir. Let me explain, +since you will not go; but promise me on your +honor that you will not reveal what I tell you." +</p> + +<p> +"I promise." +</p> + +<p> +"My mistress is still here." +</p> + +<p> +Malchus gasped and clutched the old man's +shoulder. "Here? In the house?" +</p> + +<p> +"Yes, sir." +</p> + +<p> +"I must see her." +</p> + +<p> +"You cannot, sir. She has given strict orders +that not even her dearest friends are to know +that she is here." +</p> + +<p> +But Malchus had forgotten the old man. +The beating of his heart was stifling him and, +flinging out his arms, he rushed past Ammon +into the house. +</p> + +<p> +It echoed to his footsteps like an empty tomb +as he hastened from chamber to chamber. Each +was empty till he came to the small inner +chamber which had been Helena's private +sitting room. As he entered it, two slaves rose +quickly from their watch beside a couch and +hurried toward him with hands raised to bar +his approach. Malchus could see that on the +couch behind them some one lay motionless. +</p> + +<p> +When he did not stop, each of the slaves seized +one of his arms and with a strength born of his +frenzy he dragged them with him toward the +couch. +</p> + +<p> +The face that stared blindly at him from the +couch was not the face of Helena. As he +staggered back in horror it seemed to him at +first that the heavy, leonine mask foully +discolored with brown blotches was not a human +face at all. Yet the shape of the linen-covered +body was human, and he saw, with a shudder, +that a naked human arm, horribly thickened +and corroded, lay across the breast. +</p> + +<p> +He turned away his face. His eyes met those +of Ammon, who had followed him. "Take me +to your mistress," he pleaded in a broken voice. +</p> + +<p> +The old man nodded toward the couch. +</p> + +<p> +Malchus covered his face with his hands. +"No!" he moaned. "No! Such things are not +possible." +</p> + +<p> +Then a harsh, stertorous voice was heard in +the room. "Who is it?" the voice asked. +</p> + +<p> +A silence, filled by the thick breathing of the +leper, followed the question. +</p> + +<p> +"Ammon," the voice began again, "answer +immediately. Who is this stranger?" +</p> + +<p> +Malchus turned and fell on his knees, but +with eyes averted from the couch. "It is I, +Helena—Malchus. I have come back." +</p> + +<p> +Again there was silence. Then the reply came: +</p> + +<p> +"Go away. I do not know you. Ammon, +order the slaves to drive him out with whips." +</p> + +<p> +But Ammon and the slaves stood motionless +beside the couch, and Malchus, with a cry like +the snapping of a cord, fled from the room and +ran stumbling through the garden till he fell +headlong in the long grass. +</p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-273"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-273.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<p><br><br><br></p> + +<p><a id="chap17"></a></p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-274"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-274.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<h3> + <i>Chapter<br> + Seventeen</i><br> +</h3> + +<p> +So Malchus found his cure. When he came +to himself the sun was low. A coolness +breathed through the trees and the long grass +in which he lay. It seemed to him that he had +awakened out of a long fever. His mind was +clear and cool like the garden about him. A +bond within him had snapped, as at birth the +bond is severed that binds the child to the +mother. The past had broken from him and +plunged away like an avalanche into the depths +far beneath him, leaving him high and lonely +like a single granite rock which has escaped the +crash; and as he stood up in the grass he knew +that he was cured of the long distemperature of +earthly love. +</p> + +<p> +He stood waiting. Soon the sun would set. +But as he waited, the light grew and soon the +garden was filled with the pure essence of early +sunlight. The sunset and the hours of darkness +had passed over him as he lay in the grass, +and already the new day had risen. Without +hesitation he made his way to the garden door +and, closing it behind him, turned his steps, as +he had done once before, toward Lake Mareotis. +Soon he had left the city and threaded the long +vineyards, and now he stood on the wharf at +the edge of the lake. A ship was waiting and, +going on board, he sat down and covered his +head with his cloak. It was as if time had +rolled back and a part of his life were repeating +itself. But this time he followed no one, for +he needed no guide or support, being sufficient +to himself. Out in the desert his trial awaited +him, but now he went forward in confidence, +desiring only his cell which faced the east high +on its sandy hill, for there, he knew, he would +find his salvation. +</p> + +<p class="capcenter"> +<a id="img-276"></a> +<br> +<img class="imgcenter" src="images/img-276.jpg" alt="woodcut"> +</p> + +<p><br><br><br></p> + +<p> +[Transcriber's note: Odd and unusual spellings +are as printed.] +</p> + +<p><br><br><br><br></p> + +<div style='text-align:center'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 75705 ***</div> +</body> + +</html> + + diff --git a/75705-h/images/img-000.jpg b/75705-h/images/img-000.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..546bf10 --- /dev/null +++ b/75705-h/images/img-000.jpg diff --git a/75705-h/images/img-001.jpg b/75705-h/images/img-001.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..0619504 --- /dev/null +++ b/75705-h/images/img-001.jpg diff --git a/75705-h/images/img-003.jpg b/75705-h/images/img-003.jpg 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