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+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 78061 ***
+
+
+    “_Familiar in their Mouths as HOUSEHOLD WORDS._”--SHAKESPEARE.
+
+                           HOUSEHOLD WORDS.
+
+                           A WEEKLY JOURNAL.
+
+                     CONDUCTED BY CHARLES DICKENS.
+
+   N^o. 26.]       SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 1850.       [PRICE 2_d._
+
+
+
+
+                           TABLE OF CONTENTS
+
+  FOREIGNERS’ PORTRAITS OF ENGLISHMEN.         2
+  THE STEAM PLOUGH.                            8
+  A SACRED GROVE.                             15
+  “CAPE” SKETCHES.                            15
+  “BATTLE WITH LIFE!”                         22
+  SPY POLICE.                                 22
+  CHIPS.                                      28
+  TWO CHAPTERS ON BANK NOTE FORGERIES.        31
+
+
+
+
+                 FOREIGNERS’ PORTRAITS OF ENGLISHMEN.
+
+
+The extraordinary being, conjured up in the minds of most foreigners
+under the generic term Englishman, seems to be something more uncommon
+than the veracious Gulliver ever encountered, and more heterogeneous
+than John Bulwer in his _Artificiall Changeling_ pourtrayed. As
+a Spanish _olla podrida_ and a Devonshire squab-pie are said to
+be made up of all the contradictory edibles that can be conceivably
+assembled in one dish; so is the hash, cooked up by the French or
+German novelist and dramatist to represent a true born Briton, an
+incarnation of every unlikely extravagance it is possible to assemble
+in one character.
+
+The true expression of what is popularly believed of us abroad is
+not to be found so distinctly set forth in novels, as in plays. The
+novelist is restricted in a measure within the not narrow bounds of
+probability; but the dramatist may first revel at will in the rankest
+breadths of impossible absurdity; and then the actor may intensify
+the enormity by dress, gait, and unmeasured foolery. The amount of
+instruction on the manners, habits, feelings, modes of expression,
+gesture, dress, and general demeanour of his compatriots which
+an Englishman may glean in some of the foreign Theatres, when an
+Englishman is being represented on the stage, is perfectly astounding.
+We have in this way become acquainted with English characteristics of
+which the most comically inclined maniac could never dream after the
+most dyspeptic of suppers.
+
+It is not long since the mirror held up to Nature--that is, English
+nature reflected by the French--revealed to us, at the Ambigû Comique
+and at the Théâtre des Variétés, in Paris, “that of ourselves which
+yet we knew not of”--dreamt not of. One gentleman who supported not
+only the character of a Prefect, but an enormous cocked-hat, assured
+us that when we were at home, we groaned under the tyranny of a feudal
+government, which ground us to the dust; that our Commonality was
+overridden and harrowed by tax-exacting aristocrats; that they died of
+starvation in heaps; that if they dared to call their souls their own,
+the latter were summarily released from their bodies by a perambulating
+police disguised as members of the Royal Humane Society. In another
+scene the same public instructor told us, that all Englishmen (of
+course including the starved Commonality) possess enormous wealth,
+which they usually employ in the purchase of “_Le titre de
+Lord_;”--an unnecessary outlay, as every person not a tradesman
+receives the title as a matter of course. Yet this avails them little,
+as the different orders of our nobility hold no communication with
+persons of higher or lower rank; our national pride preventing the
+one, and the best of all reasons--“because they can’t--” the other.
+Our patricians ride abroad followed by armed retainers; nor is any
+vulgar person allowed to come between the wind and their nobility: the
+streets being expressly cleared for them by constables. When at home,
+however, seated in a golden chair in company with the Spleen, the
+“jeune Miss,” his wife, and a “boulle-dog,” a native of our kingdom
+passes his time chiefly in drinking tea with lemon in it, and saying,
+“Hoh!--Hah!--Yeeas!--Gottam!--and ver gut!”
+
+Our ladies are a little too much given to fighting, and a little too
+lightly won. We sell our wives. This is a very common mercantile
+transaction indeed. A “pen” of no mean dimensions is appropriated
+in Smithfield for the interesting periodical auction. Our Queen
+makes away with many millions a year, and cuts off the heads of
+any persons to whom she may take a dislike, or hangs them, without
+the intervention of judge, jury, or any other functionary than the
+executioner, who--another Tristan the Hermit--is a regular member of
+the Royal Household. We are, however, for the most part, a harmless
+and ridiculous race, affording excellent sport to innkeepers and
+adventurers. We eat prodigiously. Indeed so great is our love for
+good cheer, that we name our children after our favourite dishes. If
+a person in good society is not called Sir Rosbif, he will probably
+answer to the name of Lord Bifstek--in honor of the two great national
+dishes, which we have spelt in that manner from time immemorial.
+
+In a pretty piece at the Gymnase in Paris, where the Prime Minister of
+England unfortunately ruined himself by speculating in Railway shares,
+a thorough-going English servant appeared under that thorough-going
+English name Tom Bob--the honest fellow having been christened Tom,
+and born the lawful son of Mr. and Mrs. Bob. In an Italian adaptation
+of Dumas’ preposterous play of “KEAN,” which we once saw at
+the great Theatre of Genoa, the curtain rose upon that celebrated
+Tragedian, drunk and fast asleep in a chair, attired in a dark blouse
+fastened round the waist with a broad belt and a most prodigious
+buckle, and wearing a dark red hat of the sugar-loaf shape, nearly
+three feet high. He bore in his hand a champagne-bottle, with the label
+RHUM, in large capital letters, carefully turned towards the
+audience; and two or three dozen of the same popular liquor which we
+are nationally accustomed to drink neat as imported by the half-gallon,
+ornamented the floor of the apartment. Every frequenter of the Coal
+Hole Tavern in the Strand, on that occasion, wore a sword and a beard.
+
+Every English lady presented on the stage in Italy, wears a green veil;
+and almost every such specimen of our fair countrywomen carries a
+bright red reticule, made in the form of a monstrous heart. We do not
+remember to have ever seen an Englishman on the Italian stage, or in
+the Italian Circus, without a stomach like Daniel Lambert, an immense
+shirt-frill, and a bunch of watch-seals, each several times larger
+than his watch, though the watch itself was an impossible engine. And
+we have rarely beheld this mimic Englishman, without seeing present,
+then and there, a score of real Englishmen, sufficiently characteristic
+and unlike the rest of the audience, to whom he bore no shadow of
+resemblance.
+
+These edifying pictures of the English are not complete without the
+finishing touches of grotesque absurdity vouchsafed by the actors. A
+few winters ago we were enticed into the little theatre of Coblentz
+by the information paraded in large placards on the doors that it
+was “very well warmed;” that Auber’s opera of Fra Diavolo was to
+be played; and that the part of Lord Allcash was to be personated
+by a distinguished comic actor. Even while we write, his lordship
+is before our mind’s eye, blazingly costumed in a green coat, blue
+inexpressibles, top-boots, a brace of yellow handkerchiefs sticking out
+of either pocket, a couple of watches, and a hat with a feather in it!
+Yet, if they do not know something of the ordinary appearance of an
+English traveller in Coblentz, where should they? He must be at least
+as well known there, as in Devonshire or the Isle of Wight.
+
+So, in Brussels, where the English almost outnumber the native
+population, the audiences relish a curious amount of ignorance
+respecting England and the English; as the dramatis personæ of a piece
+exhibited so recently as last May at the Théâtre St Hubert, will
+show. It was called “_La Lectrice, ou une folie de jeune homme.
+Comédie Vaudeville en 2 actes_, par M. Bazard.” It must have had
+a considerable run; for the play-bill states that M. Ferville had
+created a great sensation in the character of “Sir Cobridge,” at
+Paris. We have some idea that “Sir Cobridge” must be intended for
+the Sleeping Partner in a Porter-Brewery, and that the name is a
+dreamy reminiscence of the popular individual Sir Co, made easy of
+remembrance by sign-boards. But the first personage we have occasion
+to mention is, “Sir Arthur” (jeune officier), who has no other name,
+and who has no occasion for one, everybody calling him “my lord,”
+according (as he observed) to the usual form of address in England.
+Sir Arthur considers it the first duty of a British officer to insult
+a respectable blind old gentleman--who is moreover his guest--because
+the blind old gentleman ventures to insinuate something against one of
+the officers of Sir Arthur’s regiment, through whom he has suffered
+severely. This chivalrous young nobleman, disdaining all inquiry into
+the circumstances, at once constitutes himself champion of every
+individual belonging to the entire British army. The next personage is
+a young gentleman possessing (as _he_ observed) a name extremely
+common in Britain, to wit, “Clac-Own.” The actor of this part was
+fitted up with a wig of violently red hair, like a carriage-rug, and
+was dressed in a kind of fusion of an English jockey with a French
+Field-Marshal. Expecting to inherit the vast possession of his uncle,
+Sir Cobridge, Clac-Own passed his time, according to the custom of
+Anglican nephews in such cases, in giving his uncle to understand how
+extremely inconvenient he finds his society, and in informing him
+that “Shak-es-pair”--who, being Sir Cobridge’s favourite author, is
+naturally the avowed bugbear of Clac-Own,--is an insufferable bore.
+This is going too far; and the wealthy old gentleman (who has quietly
+submitted to every other species of personal insult from his intended
+heir,) is so shocked by this contempt for “Shak-es-pair,” that he
+feels himself compelled to sing a song; wherein he demonstrates, in
+the most lucid tira-lal-a-la logic, that Clac-Own is very decidedly in
+the wrong. The scena concludes by Sir Cobridge ordering Clac-Own off,
+in some very deep bass notes, to “Le Lincoln!”--an idiomatic place
+of banishment, that would appear to be very popular among us, though
+whether it stands for Coventry, Bath, Jericho, Halifax, or any other
+such place, we are unable to report. Clac-Own, Sir Arthur, and several
+others having assembled at a later stage of the proceedings to go out
+hunting, the Belgian public perceive that our usual equipment for that
+sport is a white tailed coat, light blue breeches, patent leather
+hessian boots with brass spurs, a red neckerchief--such as one may
+see whispering to the gale in Field Lane or Wapping,--a turned-down
+shirt-collar, a gun, a cutlas, and an enormous game pouch. Thus arrayed
+and mounted on the “chevaux fougueux” of our island, we pursue and
+capture the crafty fox.--When we add that Monsieur Bazard, who is the
+author of this singular production, is of the opinion of Boiardo, that
+the English have an especial talent for falling off their horses--and
+no wonder, riding across the country in such trim!--we have described
+the leading points of this accurate picture.
+
+Most of these distorted views of English life originate with the French
+with whom we have had most intercourse, and who ought to know us best;
+but our German and Austrian friends, the dramatic caricaturists, have a
+very hard hit at us now and then. Only last month we were attracted to
+the Carl Theatre, in Vienna, by one little line in a play-bill, which
+announced a new piece, the English title of which is, “The Benefit
+Night.” Here is the line:--
+
+ ~=Lord Pudding, ein reisender Englander    Hr. Heese.=~
+ Lord Pudding, a Travelling Englishman    Mr. Heese.
+
+In rigid obedience to the law, which has impressed the names of
+eatables upon the eaters thereof, the author had christened his
+“pock-pudding-Englisher” (to borrow a pleasant periphrasis from
+Scotland), out of the pot. Nevertheless “The Benefit Night”--in which
+we think we descry some reflection of a very good French vaudeville--is
+written with considerable cleverness and wit. The plot was chiefly
+evolved from the endeavours of a manager to obtain the assistance of
+certain eminent “stars” of the profession for his benefit. He first
+presented himself to a great singer, who was, of course, afflicted with
+a cold, but who was at length frightened into voice by hearing that a
+rival had already agreed to sing his part, and by an assurance from
+the manager that the new singer had already taken everybody by storm
+at the rehearsal. A great tragedian the manager won by flattery; “the
+food of gods” being the only thing worthy the acceptance of so august
+a personage; and a dancer he bribed by assuring her that the wealthy
+Englishman, “Lord Pudding,” would be in the house, especially to fall
+in love with her. He also promised a troop of experienced claqueurs to
+applaud her new “pas.”
+
+We were introduced to Lord Pudding, as he appeared while indulging
+in the singular fancy of taking a lesson in Elocution from a German
+actor! His personal appearance was wonderful to behold. He was much
+stuffed out with wadding to increase his natural proportions, and his
+dress was such as the tailors--not only of Pall-Mall and St. James’s
+Street, but of any English extraction or habitation whatsoever--would
+see with amaze. It was composed of a blue dress coat, with white
+buttons, a red waistcoat, nankeen tights, shoes of polished leather,
+and long brass spurs. His neck-kerchief was a bright blue, carrying
+the eye pleasantly up to a very white hat with an imperceptible brim.
+The author appeared to have studied the manners of our aristocracy
+with exceeding diligence; for, to the usual peculiarities which may
+be considered the “stock” of Foreign theatricals, he added some
+strikingly original features. Lord Pudding was, of course, a lover,
+and of course an unsuccessful one: he was jilted by the French dancer.
+When he danced he was made to tumble; when he saluted a lady he gave
+his lips a loud smack. He entered a room like a whirlwind, and between
+his paroxysms of “fuss” our usual friendly salutation “_Gottam_”
+was repeated many times; to the enthusiastic delight of the audience,
+who believed it to be a polished sort of “How-d’ ye-do?” He was
+quite the Clown to the Ring; and had the long pockets--in which that
+gentleman usually searches for the chalk when it is required for the
+tight-rope--well-filled. Nor was Pudding stingy with his money. Despite
+his hard usage by the ballet-lady, he was liberal to the manager.
+Though wrathful, he was of easy faith; being readily imposed upon,
+and peculiarly sensible to flattery, by which means he was induced to
+take three boxes for the benefit, viz., one for himself; one for the
+policeman who had been in constant attendance on him since his arrival,
+to restrain his inveterate propensity for knocking down the lieges
+of the city (so intense was his love for “the boaks;”) the third for
+the exclusive occupation of ----, his boulle-dog! One or two little
+touches, which distinguished his lordship, showed that the actor was,
+at least, an observer. Such were, the hat pushed back from the crimson
+forehead, the heavy rolling walk, and a strenuous objection to be
+kissed--all particularly English.
+
+Other specimens of the genus we had previously seen, however, showed
+that Lord Pudding was a very fair example of an English gentleman on
+the German stage.
+
+We cannot but believe that though amusing, these caricatures--exhibited
+as they are to ignorant and prejudiced minds--tend to confound the just
+relations between one people and another. Perhaps friendly Excursions
+on both sides of the channel may do much to lessen these absurdities.
+Unfortunately--as recent publications too well prove--the mistaken
+estimate of the English is by no means corrected by the graver works
+now and then put forth by distinguished men. Highly as we esteem M.
+Guizot and some Frenchmen of real attainments, who have written upon
+England, we have never taken up a book on the subject without painful
+disappointment, or without seeing in it errors almost equal to M. Ledru
+Rollin’s more recent incongruities.
+
+To the honour of our modern English authors be it spoken, they have
+been zealous to avoid such ridiculous mistakes. It is true that
+the harmless old legends respecting Foreigners--that nine-tenths
+of them are Frenchmen; that all are of very slender proportions in
+figure; that their staple diet is frogs; and that, despite Alison’s
+and every other History of Europe, they very much prefer to dance
+than to fight; together with other popular delusions--still linger
+in the minds of some of our bold peasantry and milder cockneys; but
+it is to be hoped, after many years of peace and better sense, that
+we may now claim for the majority of even an under-educated British
+public, a more correct knowledge of the personnel and manners of our
+Continental neighbours, than our Continental neighbours manifestly
+have of us. The very foible of Lord Pudding himself--that of being a
+_travelling_ Englishman--would defend him from such blunders
+as the literary Frankenstein who gave life to the monster, has fallen
+into. Travelling Englishmen are common abroad, who speak foreign
+languages, and understand foreign customs, extremely well. There are
+many of our travellers whom we should be very glad to improve: and
+thanks to railways, and to our possession of some--though not very
+much--of the wealth which the foreign dramatic and fictionist artists
+so liberally attribute to us, we are rapidly polishing off the rust
+of national prejudice, and ignorance of our brethren abroad. Should
+an English author or actor be guilty of such laughable mistakes about
+foreigners as those we have pointed out, woe unutterable would alight
+on his ignorant head.
+
+Every sort of attraction which brings people of different nations,
+and even of different counties, together--whether it be a German wool
+fair, a music meeting, or a Swiss shooting-match--smooths away the
+acerbities of caste, and strengthens the sympathies of individuals.
+Let us, therefore, hope that the myriads of exotics which will be
+attracted next year to the Great Industrial Conservatory in Hyde Park,
+will receive new vigour and fresh intelligence from their temporary
+transplantation; that they will learn that Englishmen and English women
+are not quite the monstrosities they at present appear to believe them.
+Foreigners will then have the advantage of seeing us at home, and in
+a mass; and will thenceforth cease to judge us by those follies which
+they observe in a few idle tourists from these islands. They will see
+us as we are, reciprocating what we believe to be the general desire
+here, in reference to them.
+
+
+
+
+                           THE STEAM PLOUGH.
+
+
+When the first experiments were being made with the Hay-making Machine,
+now commonly used in some parts of the country, it happened that
+Shelley, Mrs. Shelley, and Peacock, the author of “Crotchet Castle,”
+“Headlong Hall,” and other works of pungent erudition, were walking
+through a field where this strange-looking machine was in operation.
+Instead of the pleasant sight of the rustic men and women with their
+forks and rakes--a scene so full of indelible associations, from
+childhood upwards--they saw this quaint monster rolling round the
+field over the long swathes of hay, its rotatory forks, or rather
+fingers on wheels, flinging up the hay on all sides as it went spinning
+onwards. Meditating on the effect, if successful, this would, some
+day, have on the vast numbers of poor people in England, to say
+nothing of the summer invasions of Irish--whose sole dependence for
+the year is the money they make in the English hay-season--Shelley and
+the others walked onwards, and left the field. Presently they met a
+clownish fellow, who was looking intently at the whirling and whisking
+performance of the round-about machine in the hay-field. Shelley,
+having no objection to find, in the then adjusted state of society
+with regard to the labouring classes, that this machine was a failure,
+said to the clown, in a sort of half contemptuous tone--“Now, tell
+me,--does that thing answer at all?” The fellow looked Shelley full in
+the face--“It answers a deuced deal too well,” said he; “I wish it was
+working in the inside of him that made it!”
+
+In this very unsophisticated reply, how vast a question is comprised!
+But into it we cannot now enter; our present business is how to
+plough by steam; and the smoke from the “nostrils” of a variety of
+elegant ploughs, of various horse-and-man powers, is already inviting
+our attention. Truly, it requires one to take one’s breath before
+commencing the examination!
+
+Old Hesiod, in the second book of his “Works and Days,” after giving
+particular directions for the selection of the wood, as to its natural
+qualities and form, and also its suitability to an artificial curve,
+gravely shakes his venerable head, and says--
+
+  “To make a plough, great is the expense and care.”
+
+Virgil, following his great progenitor, enters with still more minute
+precision into the details of the selection of the wood and its
+manufacture into a plough, adding, that he can “recite to you many
+precepts of the ancients--unless you decline them.”
+
+Well, then, to be frank with antiquity, and all its great poets and
+philosophers, the present age fairly announces by its practices, that
+it _does_ decline, not only the precepts but the example of the
+ancients, especially in agricultural matters.
+
+The last and not the least important innovation on agricultural
+labour has yet to be consummated; and it would seem from two large
+plates, with explanatory remarks, which have been recently published
+by Lord Willoughby de Eresby, that a monster innovation is not very
+distant;--no less than “Ploughing by Steam.” All great inventions are
+the result of gradual improvement on a first idea; and an examination
+of these plates naturally induces us to take a cursory view of what has
+previously been attempted, and done, in this way.
+
+Not wishing to go back to the “dawning idea” of a steam-plough, (for
+the problem was started some fifty years ago), we will begin with
+taking a look at Mr. Etzler’s “Iron Slave.” This was invented by a
+German, and constructed by an Oxfordshire engineer. A public trial of
+the Iron Slave was made in October 1845. A few signal shots were fired
+at day-break, the church-bells were set to ring a merry peal, and
+all the inhabitants of Bicester and Blackthorn came pouring out into
+the fields to witness the steam-performance of the newly discovered
+agricultural serf. Booths were erected, and the spectators made a long
+morning’s holiday while the Slave did his ploughing; and hoped that
+his success would lead, as it ought, to many other morning holidays.
+The most important result of this first trial was the establishment of
+a new mechanical principle, _viz_., “the transmission of power
+from a fixed point to a moving point, going in arbitrary directions
+at the will of one man at the steering wheel.” This, it seems, had
+been thought impossible by many scientific engineers. The engine was
+intended to move and do its work at the rate of three miles an hour;
+but whether the Iron Slave had not had his proper breakfast of coals,
+nor time enough to digest them into steam, or some part of his inside
+was a little out of order, was not accurately discovered; but certain
+it is that he could not plough fast enough. In other respects everybody
+was satisfied that steam-ploughing was a practicable thing.
+
+In 1847, Mr. John T. Osborne, of Demerara, took out a patent for a
+steam-plough, the chief improvement (or distinguishing peculiarity--we
+must be cautious in the use of the word improvement,) on all previous
+attempts, being the employment of two engines and two ploughs, for one
+course of ploughing. While one plough was working in a given direction,
+and laying down the chain or rope by which it is to be worked back
+to the side from which it started--the other plough was performing a
+similar course in the reverse direction. When both had each traversed
+the ground once, the engines were removed forward the breadth of one
+furrow, by means of a chain or rope; one end of which was attached to
+an anchor fixed in the ground a-head.
+
+Another Mr. Osborn, in 1848, tried some experiments near Stratford, in
+Essex, with a locomotive steam-engine, constructed for agricultural
+works in general, and for ploughing more especially. He appears to
+have taken out his patent in conjunction with Mr. Andrew Smith’s
+wire-rope--a manufacture of extraordinary strength. In the first trial,
+a pair of these peculiarly constructed locomotives was placed opposite
+each other--about one hundred and twenty yards apart--with a sufficient
+length of wire-rope between them. Although not successful, it
+demonstrated a novel fact as between the comparative draught by horses,
+and by a long rope, showing that the condition of the modes differ in
+a very marked way; the horse draught being upwards, and exercising a
+direct control by its proximity to the plough; whereas, the draught by
+steam-power and a rope was downwards, distant, and exercised no direct
+control over the plough. Hence this experiment, though unsuccessful,
+was instructive, and therefore to be valued as a good contribution to
+knowledge. Other trials were subsequently made by Mr. Osborn with a
+locomotive engine of ten horse power, and the ploughing was well done;
+fully settling the question of practicability, but leaving doubts in
+the minds of many on the important question of economy.
+
+“These engines,” says a writer in the Mechanics’ Magazine, “possess
+great advantages in being applicable to thrashing, and other
+agricultural purposes, and can be moved from farm to farm, and from
+field to field, with the greatest facility.” No doubt of it. We see
+what will soon happen. Thrashing, and _many other_ agricultural
+purposes! The great farmers, once in possession of the talisman of a
+steam-plough, will never rest till they make it applicable to all sorts
+of operations. Already almost every farmer in Scotland is provided
+with a stationary steam-engine; a locomotive that can turn--not its
+hands--but its wheels to anything, is now his only other thing needful.
+In the specification of the very first of these ploughs--Etzler’s Iron
+Slave--it is distinctly stated that, although the machine is intended
+for ploughing, yet the Slave will be ready at all times to devote his
+energies and skill to “sowing, and reaping; and also to making canals,
+roads, tunnels,” &c. Exactly so! After we have ploughed, sowed, reaped,
+and thrashed by steam, we shall soon find turnips hoed, carrots drawn,
+beans plucked up, dried, carted, and stacked; sheep sheared, cows
+milked, butter churned, cheese pressed, pigs transformed into pork,
+and pork into gammons, by the same omnipotent agency. Hatching eggs by
+steam is already an old story.
+
+A patent for a new steam-plough was taken out in January of the
+present year by Mr. James Usher of Edinburgh; and another in June,
+by Messrs. Calloway and Purkiss. The peculiarity of the former
+consists in mounting “a series of ploughs in the same plane round an
+axis, so that the ploughs shall successively come into action;” and
+secondly, in applying power to give a rotary motion to the series,
+“so that the resistance of the earth to the ploughs, as they enter
+and travel through the earth, shall _cause the machine_
+to be _propelled_”--instead of motion being communicated
+to the machine from the wheels which run on the land. The other
+invention--that of Messrs. Calloway and Purkiss--mainly consists of a
+number of chains working round a wheel, and fitted on the outside with
+ploughshares. Rotary motion is communicated by a locomotive.
+
+“I consider,” says Sir Abel Handy, in the comedy of Speed the Plough,
+“that a healthy young man between the handles of a plough, is one of
+the noblest illustrations of the prosperity of Britain.” But shortly
+after saying this, Sir Abel invents a splendid curricle plough drawn
+by high-bred Leicestershire horses; who set off at full gallop with
+the plough at their heels over hill and dale, and instead of doing
+the allotted work a-field, they rush about at random, ploughing up
+Salisbury Plain. What would Sir Abel have said to Sir Willoughby de
+Eresby’s snorting steam-horse, perfectly under control?
+
+His machinery consists of a locomotive engine, weighing only
+three-and-a-half tons, and of a twenty-six horse power. It was designed
+by Mr. Gooch. It has a double capstan attached, “removable, when the
+engine is required for other purposes.” His lordship does not indicate
+any of these; but we may fairly imagine that his farm-engine will
+possess the same versatile genius as the inventions which have preceded
+it. His description of this machinery is very brief, clear, and without
+the use of any technical terms.
+
+ “The engine moves across the centre of the field on a light, portable
+ railway. The ploughs advance and recede on either side of the railway,
+ at right angles to it.
+
+ “The ploughs employed consist of four ordinary, and four subsoil
+ ploughs, fixed in a frame. It is directed by a person standing upon a
+ small platform.
+
+ “Two such ploughs, one on either side the railway, alternately advance
+ and recede; the advancing plough working, the other idle until it
+ regains its proper position for ploughing the next four furrows. On
+ the completion of the four furrows both ways, the engine and side
+ frames advance each three feet.
+
+ “The ploughs are attached to an endless chain, one hundred and fifty
+ yards in length. They can be detached at pleasure, or shifted from one
+ side of the chain to the other. They travel at the rate of _five
+ miles an hour_. Provision is made in case they strike against any
+ impediment.”
+
+Arrangements are also made to suit irregularly shaped fields. The full
+power of the engine is not exerted with the ploughs, as thus described;
+and the number of blades can be increased if desirable. And now for the
+next statement, which brings us to a most important consideration.
+
+ “In the present state of things, it is difficult to form a correct
+ estimate of the value of the invention in a commercial point of view.
+ I will only say that a machine of the power, and with the arrangement
+ described, would perform the work usually done by _sixteen_
+ ploughs, driven by as many men, and drawn by thirty-two horses.
+ Requiring itself the attendance of eight men, and a horse to draw the
+ water for the engine, it would thus save the labour of thirty-one
+ horses and eight men. Against this must be set an expense of five
+ shillings a day for coals.”
+
+In examining the question of economy in the use of steam-power instead
+of horses, we shall obtain valuable assistance from a paper addressed
+to Mr. J. T. Osborne, of Demerara, by the Council of the Highland
+Society. This paper sets the period of the productive labour of a horse
+against the unproductive period necessary for its rest, and exhibits
+results of a startling kind. Horses are fed and tended three hundred
+and sixty-five days of twenty-four hours, or eight thousand seven
+hundred and sixty hours in the year. But they work only three hundred
+days, of about eight hours, taking the average, or two thousand four
+hundred hours a year. Thus we have a clear loss of six thousand three
+hundred and sixty hours of unproductive feeding and tending. It may
+be argued, that they are not fed and tended throughout the night,
+and therefore there is no such loss as the figures displayed by the
+Highland Society; but they are fed and tended enough to suffice them
+during the night, for which no compensating work is performed, so that
+it comes, we think, to nearly the same thing.
+
+According to McCulloch, there are about one million two hundred
+thousand agricultural horses employed in Great Britain, which, at
+twenty-five pounds per head for maintenance, amounts to thirty millions
+sterling per annum for their keep. The unproductive portion, therefore,
+he finds amounting to the enormous sum of twenty-one millions seven
+hundred and eighty-five thousand three hundred and six pounds. It
+will be seen that this estimate is founded on the previous figures
+displaying the number of hours of feeding and tendence, compared with
+the number of hours’ work, and the consequent loss of six thousand
+three hundred and sixty hours. The only compensation for this loss of
+hours, represented by the above sum of upwards of twenty-one millions
+sterling, is in the value of the manure, which is thus produced at too
+great a cost.
+
+“There are insuperable difficulties,” writes the Council of the
+Highland Society, “attending the employment of vital power; but
+mechanical power puts forth its energy when called for--it can be
+regulated, and, at pleasure, stopped. If it is desired to occupy the
+entire hours of daylight--to extend the field of operations--to work
+up more raw material--the energy of the animal ceases after a time;
+but not so that of the machine. The longest hours of summer may be
+advantageously employed.” And why not in the shortest nights of winter
+also? Could not steam-ploughs be made to carry their own lights with
+Hale Thomson’s patent silvered-glass reflectors, like other locomotives?
+
+The next sentence brings us full-butt against the corner-stone of our
+social edifice, and moots the question as to the effect of machinery
+in increasing the demand for human labour:--“Were the whole period of
+daylight industriously employed in the most effective manner--that is,
+by the employment of machinery--the demand for human labour would be
+augmented in the exact ratio of the increased time, multiplied by the
+augmented force of the machinery.”
+
+“Be fruitful and multiply,” said the God of Nature;--“You must be
+starved, if you do!” say the beldame economists. Meantime, an immense
+proportion of the habitable and fertile earth lies quite uncultivated,
+the vast seas are full of prolific food, and the land which _is_
+cultivated, is not made the most of. The art of tilling has not kept
+pace with other improvements. Before the wonders of steam appeared
+in the world there was occasionally a random attempt to introduce
+some improvement in tillage, but the experiments originated in a wish
+rather than in any definite plan, and were of course a failure and an
+absurdity. Dean Swift brought his pungent satire to bear upon these
+attempts, in his account of the grand Academy of Lagado, Mr. Lemuel
+Gulliver says he was highly pleased with a projector who had discovered
+a plan for turning up the ground with hogs, to save the charge of
+ploughs, cattle, and labour. The method was beautifully simple. In a
+given field you bury at six inches distance, and eight inches deep, a
+quantity of acorns in long rows. You then drive six hundred hogs into
+the field, who, in search of the food they most love, will root or
+plough up the whole into furrows, with their snouts. The absurdities
+committed soon led to a cessation of all mere experiments, until at
+length came steam-engines, and thence, in due course, the dream of a
+steam-plough. This dream we are peradventure about to see realised in
+a few months; and then, though our million of agricultural horses will
+be diminished, our fine breed of Yorkshire and Lancashire ploughmen
+will not be thinned; any more than spinning and weaving machinery
+exterminated--as was awfully predicted it would--our army of spinners
+and weavers.
+
+“I was bred to the plough,” said Robert Burns, when addressing a letter
+to the wealthy gentlemen of the Ayrshire Hunt:--“I am independent;”
+but it may turn out that the plough of old will soon be a sorry thing
+to depend upon. We are rather reminded of the Prologue to Chaucer’s
+“Ploughman Tale,” though he could have had no anticipation that his
+cessation from this labour would be final.
+
+    “The Ploughman pluckéd up his plough,
+      When Midsomer moon was comen in,
+    And saied his beasts should eat ynowe,
+      And lye in the grasse up to the chin.
+    He shook off shere, and coulter off drowe,
+      And hongéd his harnis on a pin.”
+
+“Our strongest hope for the improvement of our social condition,” says
+Miss Martineau, “lies in the directing of intelligence full upon the
+cultivation of the soil.” The more the powers of science are brought to
+bear upon the tillage of the earth, and the production and manufacture
+of food, the greater will be the number benefited, and the more
+speedily will Miss Martineau’s axiom be verified. Cordially coinciding
+with that lady, we wish all success to the important undertaking of
+Lord Willoughby de Eresby, and shall be glad to find he accomplishes
+and establishes what has hitherto been confined to experimental trials.
+
+
+
+
+                            A SACRED GROVE.
+
+
+    Here Silence is the queen of time; her hand
+    Is raised--and the tide trembles to a pause.
+    Beauty, too awful to be loved, awakes
+    And spell-binds Man’s repose. The sunken sun,
+    Whose mantle’s gold is melted in the tint
+    Of evening’s purple sadness, near the west
+    Lingers awhile, as loth to quit the scene.
+    Yet ’tis not sadness all; for though the trees,
+    Heavy with cumbrous melancholy, sweep
+    Their sombre-foliaged boughs close to the grass,
+    And solemn twilight peers between the trunks,
+    Tinging the dome of yonder vacant fane--
+    O’er all a spirit of subdued emotion
+    Breathes in pathetic sweetness, deep diffused.
+
+      In this dim palace of grey Solitude,
+    Where not a sigh wafts o’er the lily’s urn,
+    And nought, save marble forms of tenderest grace,
+    With pensive attitude stand in lone bowers--
+    The heart, upheaving into the fresh air,
+    Itself abandons to the scene, and claims
+    Kindred with placid Death, and those lost hopes
+    That lived around the loved ones, now no more.
+    Their tombs smile pale beneath these cypress boughs,
+    Heavy with memory of all the past.
+
+      Moveless I stand before these moveless trees--
+    Breathless as those broad boughs; and gazing thus,
+    At the dark foliage imaged in the pools,
+    Which deepen, as the brooding mind surveys
+    Their trance and awful beauty; ’tis a scene
+    That lures us backward to an elder time,
+    Through ages dim--and, thence, into a realm
+    Whose secret influence fills us with its soul--
+    Shadows of things which are not of the world,
+    And hopes that burn, yet find no vent save tears.
+
+
+
+
+                           “CAPE” SKETCHES.
+
+
+Cape Wants are neither peculiar nor numerous. Captain Smoke, in
+Jerrold’s comedy of “Bubbles of the Day,” confides to his friend, Lord
+Skindeep, that he is “terribly in want of a thousand pounds.” The reply
+is “You may take it as a general rule, Captain Smoke, that _every
+man_ wants a thousand pounds.” As with men so with Colonies. The
+sun never sets upon one of the dependencies of Great Britain, young or
+old, which would not be the better for a thousand pounds. Our Colonies
+feel, however, another want;--it is for something to which the Smokes
+of the old country show a very marked aversion; and that is labour.
+“Capital and labour!” is a cry which reaches us from every quarter of
+the earth. The demand does not resound so loudly perhaps from the Cape
+as from other and newer Colonies; but the want of the first necessities
+of enterprise, civilisation, and progress is not the less felt. Any
+sort of European labour (except convict labour), any kind of capital,
+is welcome in our South African dependencies; and in the long run
+“pays.”
+
+As to Capital; men with from two thousand pounds to ten thousand
+pounds will find plenty of most profitable employment for their money.
+The Colony has innumerable resources--amongst them I may mention her
+fisheries and her mineral treasures. The former produce a large revenue
+even now, though carried on, from want of enterprise and capital,
+in the most unsystematic and slovenly manner. Of minerals there is
+abundance; ore in many places actually lying on the surface. The
+assegais (or spears) of the Kafirs are all made of iron, smelted and
+welded by themselves; while recent travellers from the northernmost
+extremity of the Colony bring accounts of innumerable implements in use
+among the savage tribes there, formed of iron of their own manufacture.
+Copper and lead have been discovered within fifteen miles of Algoa Bay.
+
+But such riches remain utterly unproductive without facile means of
+transport, and a great want in the Colony is good roads. Of course,
+want of labour is the cause of this deficiency, which is, however,
+being slowly remedied by the local government. Whether the Cape
+Colonists were wise in rejecting the convicts, so kindly proffered
+to them by Lord Grey, I shall not presume to opine, because I have a
+notion that everybody knows their own business best; but we must not
+forget that New South Wales owes the blessing of her good roads to what
+was, it must be admitted, in other respects, a great curse to her--the
+bands of convicts the Colonial Office were so obliging as to send her.
+
+Before I dilate on the greatest of all colonial wants, I will mention
+what the Cape of Good Hope does _not_ want; namely, young
+gentlemen with white hands and empty pockets, of no profession, and
+with very extensive notions of refinement. She does not require
+martinet “half-pays,” who know more of pipe-clay than of soils, and
+more of killing than of breeding and fattening. Fine ladies, who are
+proficient pianistes, and do not understand poultry, she is much
+better without. What she _does_ require, are:--In the towns,
+mechanics and artisans of all kinds; in the country, good farmers and
+sturdy dames, shepherds and agricultural labourers; in both, domestic
+servants, male and female. For all these the Cape is open, and it
+offers them first-rate livelihoods, abundance of food of the best
+description, and a climate which the returns taken of the mortality
+among the troops prove to be amongst the healthiest in all Her
+Majesty’s world-wide dominions. The Colony has also one great advantage
+over Australia--it is ten thousand miles nearer to England.
+
+Want the third in point of importance is a change in the present system
+of selecting Colonial Governors. Were we to choose Generals to lead
+our armies--not from soldiers trained to arms and distinguished in the
+field--but from decayed statesmen, who had “never set a squadron in the
+field,” nor even handled a sword; would not our enemies not only beat
+us, but laugh at us? Yet conversely we commit precisely this absurdity:
+we “reward” meritorious Generals by appointing them Governors; of whose
+duties they are, as a rule, as ignorant as a Lord of the Treasury is of
+fortification. The Governor of a Colony, as the representative of the
+highest power in the Empire, is required to fulfil the highest civil
+functions; to conduct the most difficult and delicate negotiations;
+and we select a brave old General, who hardly knows the geography of
+his government; is profoundly ignorant of the habits and requirements
+of its people; who never even pretended to statesmanship, and either
+commits himself to something so rash that it makes everybody angry, or
+to something so silly that it makes everybody laugh.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+In Education, England might take a lesson from her South African
+dependency--it is in the education of the people. Government schools
+are established in every town, and almost every village of the
+Colony, open to children of all classes and all creeds, and free of
+all expense. They are presided over by intelligent teachers, chiefly
+selected from the Scotch Universities, and truly their pupils do
+these gentlemen infinite credit. I do not hesitate to say, that the
+rising generation of the Cape Colony will be the best educated men
+of their class in all the British Empire. It is to Dr. Jones, the
+former President of the South African College, in Cape Town, that
+the colony is indebted for this invaluable boon. Even the population
+in the far interior are better off in this respect than the children
+of our English peasantry. Thanks to the energy of Campbell, Latrobe,
+Moffat, and other energetic, common-sense, as well as pious, members
+of the Missionary Society; the children of the Hottentots, Griquas,
+and even of some of the Bechuanas, are fast being brought into the
+pale of civilisation by attendance at the schools established by those
+gentlemen. Some of the offspring of English parents in the “interior”
+of England, have no such schools to attend.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Sheep Farming is, perhaps, the best and most profitable occupation at
+the Cape. It is far better than agriculture, and better than cattle
+farming, for the following reasons. The great deficiency of the colony
+is the want of sufficient water for irrigation. Wherever this want is
+not felt, all kinds of grain may be raised with profit, and Cape wheat
+is universally pronounced to be the finest in the world. But the farms,
+or portions of farms, on which it can be grown are few and far between.
+Nor is this the only drawback to agriculture; the farmer has two other
+dire enemies to contend with. The one is the blight or “smut,” which is
+very common; and frequently destroys whole crops. Two young friends of
+mine hired a farm in partnership, and, in spite of the warnings of more
+experienced persons, determined to turn their principal attention to
+agriculture. They went to great expense in the purchase of agricultural
+implements, paid the highest wages for labourers, and worked with
+their own hands as hard as any ploughman in England. They raised a
+magnificent crop, and began to indulge a sweet reverie on the “Dollars”
+it was to bring them. Alas, the “smut” came, and the beautiful crop
+was destroyed, while not one solitary dollar found its way into the
+young farmers’ pockets. Disappointed, but not disheartened, they set
+to work again, and next year with precisely the same result. Luckily
+they were prudent fellows, and had neither been personally extravagant,
+nor sunk all their money in one enterprise. They, therefore, purchased
+some sheep, cattle, and horses, and only cultivated a very _small
+portion_ of their farm; and now they are among the most prosperous
+farmers in the Colony.
+
+Another enemy of the agriculturist at the Cape, not less destructive
+than the former, though less frequent in his attacks, is the locust.
+Till I went to the Cape, I never had a clear conception of the mischief
+that could be done by this one of the “Plagues of Egypt.” They came
+always in clouds, and fly _with_ the wind. I am almost afraid to
+describe their numbers. I have seen the air as full of these creatures
+as of the flakes of snow in a heavy snow-storm--in fact, literally
+“raining locusts.” I have been obliged to turn back on a journey from
+the impossibility of getting my horse to face them when driven against
+us by the wind. I have seen immense plains one day covered with grass,
+corn, and gardens; and the next day left, after a visit of locusts,
+without one solitary blade of verdure on any part of them. I have seen
+millions of these insects driven by the wind into the sea at Algoa
+Bay, and washed on shore in such heaps, that their bodies decaying
+have become so offensive as to oblige the authorities of the town to
+employ all the Coolies in the place in burying them. Think of all
+this, grumbling farmers of England. What corn-laws could afford you
+“protection” against such an importation? Still, I must add that during
+my five years’ residence at the Cape, I can only recall three visits of
+these pests; nor must it be supposed that they at any time spread over
+the whole Colony. When they visit a sheep or cattle farm, the owner
+has, of course, no other alternative than to move his stock to some
+place which they have not visited.
+
+Cattle are profitable stock at the Cape; but no Englishman seems to
+like them so well as sheep. Besides, it occasionally happens that, in
+a fit of caprice, every Hottentot labourer on your farm will leave
+you in a day, and you will have to be your own herdsman. This is
+comparatively nothing with sheep; but if you had a couple of hundred
+cows that wanted milking you would be rather in a “fix.”
+
+Horses are also a profitable stock, and far more suited to English
+taste. But the “returns” are necessarily slow; and few men can afford
+to wait three years for their profits.
+
+Sheep are the best. Here is one example, by no means extraordinary, but
+forming an average sample of the fruits of sheep-farming:--A gentleman
+who was reading for the Church, at Cambridge, found that his health
+would not allow him to continue his studies; he emigrated to Algoa Bay,
+with a capital of about two thousand five hundred pounds. He wisely
+listened to good advice in the selection of a farm and the purchase of
+his stock of sheep. At the end of three years I visited him, and we
+talked about sheep-farming, which was then in a bad condition. I was
+expressing my wonder that so many sheep-farmers had lately been “sold
+up;” and this was his reply, “What else could you expect? Half of them
+come out here without one farthing of capital. They hire a farm; buy
+stock on credit (for two or three years), live on the sale of the wool
+and also on credit--for they live ‘like fighting-cocks’--and then when
+pay-day comes at last, they, of course, have not a sixpence. But, look
+at my own case: I have been here three years; my wool fetches double
+the price that it did the first year; my stock is just doubled in
+number and vastly improved in quality; I have lived in as much comfort
+as I require in the meantime; and I don’t owe a sixpence.”
+
+The life of a Cape farmer is necessarily solitary. His nearest
+neighbour is probably seven miles off, and his only daily companions
+are his stock and his labourers. A visitor (especially if he come from
+one of the Towns) is a veritable Godsend; and is safe to be welcome as
+long as he chooses to remain. He may ride his host’s horses and shoot
+or hunt his game, smoke his pipes, and drink his “Cape Smoke,”[A] as
+long as he pleases. But he must be contented with very rough fare.
+Mutton and goats’ flesh, meal-cakes (very similar, I fancy, to those
+which King Alfred burnt), Indian corn, and badly-made coffee, will form
+the staple articles of his food. He will sleep on a home-made sofa with
+goatskins for blankets, in a room with a mud floor, and very probably
+no ceiling but the thatch roof. The house will most likely be built of
+lath and plaster, and look far more like the stable of a third-rate
+country inn than a gentleman’s residence. Yet the host is often a
+highly educated and sensible man, fighting his way to competence,
+living a comparatively easy life, and, if unblessed with luxuries, at
+least unharassed by cares, save when an occasional wolf (or rather
+hyæna) makes a night assault on his homestead.
+
+[A] Cape Brandy.
+
+Of the Cape Trade, the most peculiar and profitable branch is that with
+the native tribes. At present it is carried on in the most primitive
+style. A trader will load a couple of waggons with such goods as are
+likely to sell among savages. Coarse cloth, smart Manchester printed
+calicoes, blankets, beads, brass curtain-rings (worn by the natives
+as ornaments on their arms), soldiers’ jackets, wide-awake hats,
+&c. With this load he will proceed across the colonial boundary,
+and penetrate as far as he pleases into the interior, calling where
+experience has shown him he is likely to find customers, and selling
+his goods like a hawker, or “Cheap Jack,” in England. But he seldom
+obtains _money_ for his goods,--nor does he wish for it. He gets
+ivory, ostrich feathers, wild-beast skins, horns, and, in fact, all the
+rarest trophies of the chase. With these he reloads his waggons for
+his return home, and reaches the Colony after, perhaps, six or eight
+months’ absence, with a load which fetches him at once, seven or eight
+hundred--sometimes a thousand--pounds in exchange for his outlay of one
+hundred and fifty pounds.
+
+It seems clear that the establishment of trading stations in the
+interior of Southern Africa would be most profitable to the projectors,
+and most advantageous to the native tribes, by accustoming them to the
+sights and habits of a civilised life.
+
+The shopkeepers are rather jealous of the merchants at the Cape.
+The latter are very often so undignified as to sell a dozen pair of
+stockings or a single hat, to the exceeding disgust of retailers.
+
+A Cape shop is a curiosity. It strikes a man as odd, to buy his boots
+and his cheese, or his hat and his sugar, at the same shop,--still more
+odd to purchase his wife a Chinese shawl and his child a peg-top in the
+same establishment.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The Wild Sports of South Africa have been celebrated by many a writer,
+from Major Cornwallis Harris down to Mr. Gordon Cumming. For large game
+the country is perhaps the finest sporting ground in the world. People
+come even from India to hunt the lion and the buffalo, the rhinoceros
+and the hippopotamus, the elephant, the giraffe, and the innumerable
+varieties of wild deer, from the delicate and graceful springbok to the
+heavy and powerful gnu. Some of the most dreaded amongst them are not
+nearly so terrible as travellers’ tales would persuade “the gentlemen
+of England who sit at home at ease.”
+
+On one occasion I was riding through a wood, with a single companion;
+we were on a journey, and quite unarmed. At a little open space in the
+woods we dismounted and knee-haltered our horses to let them feed,
+while we lazily stretched ourselves under a tree, and “took a pull”
+at our pocket-pistols, loaded with Cognac. A slight rustling sound
+was heard above our heads, and down came something to the ground in
+front of us. It was a fine, full-grown, handsome leopard, who coolly
+turned round and stared us in the face. I very much doubt whether
+two respectable young gentlemen ever felt in a greater fright than
+my friend and myself at that moment. The unwelcome visitor, however,
+merely wagged his tail, and having apparently satisfied his curiosity
+as to our personal appearance, trotted quietly off into the woods.
+Without uttering a word we each drew a long breath, took another pull
+at the _eau-de-vie_, caught our horses, and put as many miles as
+we could in a few minutes between ourselves and that same wood.
+
+The lion can even be companionable. Major Nicholson occupies a farm
+near the north-east boundary of the Colony. He is a great sportsman,
+and goes out alone to look after a lion with as much unconcern as a
+Regent Street lounger seeks out a Skye-terrier as a present for his
+lady-love. In one of his afternoon rambles the Major fell in with a
+lion; they were both going the same way and jogged along for some
+distance silent, though excellent friends. At length the lion stopped,
+turned round, faced the Major, and sat on his haunches like a great
+tom-cat. The Major, not knowing how soon his majesty’s tacit treaty
+of peace might be broken with him, levelled his piece, taking aim
+between the eyes. He was just about to fire, when a sound caused him
+to turn round; he then at once understood that, the lion having been
+out for a walk, his lady had come, like a dutiful wife, to meet him.
+The Major drew back and calculated the odds--two to one in favour of
+the quadrupeds--and reserved his fire; deciding that it would be little
+satisfaction to kill the husband and be eaten by the wife, or _vice
+versâ_. The respectable couple then continued their walk alone,
+treating the Major with the most sovereign contempt, and allowing him,
+like Young Norval, to “mark the course they took,” and to follow them
+to their abode. This he next day visited, with men, dogs, and guns; and
+a week afterwards I was sleeping soundly, in the Major’s house, on the
+skin of that same king of the forest, while his consort’s hide served
+me for a coverlid.
+
+Although the keener sportsman prefers to go beyond the colonial
+boundary for prey, yet it is customary in the towns for a number of
+friends to make up a shooting party, who sally forth with waggons and
+a tent, which they pitch on some agreeable spot, and stay for several
+days, living _al fresco_,--enjoying good sport by day and good
+fare at the end of it, with merry songs, toasts, and stories. Others
+prefer hunting, mount their active little horses, and, followed by a
+whole host of curs, whose pedigrees would puzzle the most ingenious
+zoologist, sally forth in search of wild bucks; and many a good run
+they enjoy, and much do they contribute to the stock of good things
+which grace the table on the greensward at night.
+
+
+
+
+                          “BATTLE WITH LIFE!”
+
+
+    Bear thee up bravely,
+      Strong heart and true!
+    Meet thy woes gravely,
+      Strive with them too!
+    Let them not win from thee
+      Tear of regret,
+    Such were a sin from thee,
+      Hope for good yet!
+
+    Rouse thee from drooping,
+      Care-laden soul;
+    Mournfully stooping
+      ’Neath grief’s control!
+    Far o’er the gloom that lies,
+      Shrouding the earth,
+    Light from eternal skies
+      Shows us thy worth.
+
+    Nerve thee yet stronger,
+      Resolute mind!
+    Let care no longer
+      Heavily bind.
+    Rise on thy eagle wings
+      Gloriously free!
+    Till from material things
+      Pure thou shalt be!
+
+    Bear ye up bravely,
+      Soul and mind too!
+    Droop not so gravely,
+      Bold heart and true!
+    Clear rays of streaming light
+      Shine through the gloom,
+    God’s love is beaming bright
+      E’en round the tomb!
+
+
+
+
+                              SPY POLICE.
+
+
+We have already given some insight into the workings of the Detective
+Police system of London, and have found that it is solely employed
+in bringing crime to justice. We have no political police, no police
+over opinion. The most rabid demagogue can _say_ in this free
+country what he chooses, provided it does not tend to incite others to
+_do_ what is annoying to the lieges. He speaks not under the
+terror of an organised spy system. He dreads not to discuss the affairs
+of the nation at a tavern, lest the waiter should be a policeman in
+disguise; he can converse familiarly with his guests at his own table
+without suspecting that the interior of his own liveries consists of
+a spy; when travelling, he has not the slightest fear of perpetual
+imprisonment for declaring himself freely on the conduct of the powers
+that be, because he knows that even if his fellow-passenger be a
+Sergeant Myth or an Inspector Wield, no harm will come to him.
+
+It is not so across the Channel. There, while the criminal police is
+very defective, the police of politics is all powerful. In March last,
+thirty thousand political malcontents were swept beyond the gates of
+Paris in a single morning, before the rest of the people were up; and
+nobody was any the wiser till the masterly feat had been performed; but
+during the same month several single individuals were knocked down and
+robbed--some in broad day, others at dusk--yet neither of the robbers
+were taken. In Austria, in some of the German states, and in Italy,
+political _espionage_ is carried to a point of refined ingenuity
+of which no Englishman can form an idea. Mr. Tomkins goes, for
+instance, to Naples; and--as the Emperor of Russia might have enlarged
+on the happiness and prosperity of that city after his recent visit to
+it, because the streets were cleared of beggars, the cabmen compelled
+to dress in their best, and the fishermen to wear shoes--so in the
+“Travels in Italy,” which Mr. Tomkins would undoubtedly publish, there
+would be not a word about the police spy system; because he, innocent
+man, was unable to detect in his table companions, in his courier, or
+in his laundress, an agent of police. It is now our purpose to supply
+from the authentic information of a resident in Naples, the hiatus to
+be found in all the books of all the Mr. Tomkinses who have written
+“Travels.”
+
+The chief agent is the Commissary, who, says our friend, has a certain
+district put under his care, and is thus made responsible for its
+order and fidelity; he is a kind of nursing father, in short, to the
+unhappy inhabitants, with power to ruin or destroy; for though he
+nominally receives his orders from the Minister of Police, yet, as the
+cant phrase is, his office is eminently “suggestive;” and whether a
+suspicion is to be cleared up, an act of vengeance to be perpetrated,
+or some object of interest or licentiousness to be attained, the
+report of the Commissary supplies all the data for the operations at
+head-quarters.
+
+Immediately under his orders this General of Division has both regular
+and irregular troops, the former being the Policemen of the City; the
+latter simply Spies. When any long course of inquiry is to be carried
+out, he employs deputies, who bring in their intelligence from time to
+time; but if any immediate or important information is desired, the
+Commissary undertakes that little bit of business himself--it is a
+delicate _morçeau_ which this gourmand cannot resist, and away he
+posts to enjoy the banquet.
+
+Some years ago, there resided in the neighbourhood of Naples a
+foreigner, whose health compelled him to seek a southern climate.
+His tastes and occupations were literary, and his habits quiet; but
+whether he had some secret enemy who had denounced him, or whether
+the Government were afraid of him, because he read and wrote, I
+know not; but one fine morning the little town was much agitated
+by the appearance of a Commissary of Police and his attendant
+“Sbirri.” Many were the conjectures--as is always the case under such
+circumstances--as to what could be the object of this visitation. No
+one took it to himself; but as in a church each good Christian lolls in
+his corner and admires the applicability of the sermon to his neighbour
+in the next pew; so every little townsman knew precisely the person who
+merited the inspection of the Police. Don Roberto was sure that the
+visit was meant for his mortal enemy, Don Giuseppe; whereas the master
+of the favourite “Cantino” was equally sure that it must be for his
+rival who sold such acid wine, and permitted scenes in his shop enough
+to awaken the anger of the Saints. He always thought he was a Carbonaro!
+
+The Commissary, on his arrival, sent for the Syndic.
+
+“Pray, Signor Syndic,” he said, “is there a foreigner residing here,
+called Don Ferdinand?” (every one is Don, in Naples.)
+
+“Yes!” was the reply.
+
+“And pray, Sir, what is the object of his residence here?”
+
+“I understand, Signor Commissario, that he is in search of health and
+amusement.”
+
+“Ah! very good: health and amusement. And what may be his occupations?”
+
+“They do say, Sir, that he is engaged much in reading and writing.”
+
+“Reading and writing! Yet in search of health and amusement,” said the
+official, opening his eyes. “That’s a curious combination; but tell me,
+has Don Ferdinand any intercourse with the inhabitants? does he ever
+invite any of them to dinner?”
+
+“I must confess,” said the Syndic, “that he does.”
+
+“Then it is true, that Don Ferdinand proposes toasts after dinner?”
+
+“Well,” replied the Syndic, as if such an admission would be fraught
+with danger. “I cannot deny it--he _does_ propose toasts.”
+
+“What are they?” asked the great official, sharply.
+
+“His usual practice is, first, to propose the health of our Sovereign
+Lord the King, and then the health of _his_ Sovereign Lady, the
+Queen.”
+
+Not without disappointment at having made out nothing serious against
+Don Ferdinand, our Commissary dismissed the Syndic, merely observing
+that he had taken note of all his answers, and should draw up his
+report therefrom, and present it to the Minister of Police.
+
+After that, the Commissary of the Police came twice to my friend’s
+residence, and put a number of searching questions to his porter.
+Nothing, however, came of these investigations; first, because there
+was nothing really alarming in the fact of a man reading and writing,
+and giving toasts; and, secondly, and perhaps more strongly, because
+Don Ferdinand was an Englishman; for there is a prestige attaching
+to the very name of an Englishman which attracts to him the respect
+of the people and a cautious deferential treatment on the part of
+the Governments. It is felt, that, however distant he may be from
+his native land, he is not beyond its protective power, and that
+any injustice done to him will be resented as an injustice done
+to the nation. It is this conviction which has been his security
+in circumstances where I have known the subjects of other States
+arrested, imprisoned, or sent out of the country, without receiving the
+protection of their Governments.
+
+The Commissary is eminently a night-bird; sometimes you see him
+with “measured step and slow,” followed by his Myrmidons, stealing
+along under the dark shadows of the houses, like a cat treading;
+or, perchance, you are returning home through the silent streets,
+carelessly and thoughtlessly, when, at some dark corner, you find
+yourself confronted by this spectre. He listens for and pauses at every
+foot-fall, waits about in entries, stops at doors, watches the lights
+in houses, and, like a true inductive philosopher, from such simple
+facts--as seeing two or three lights, more or less, or a larger group
+of heads than usual, infers conspiracies most dreadful and dangerous
+to the State. Presently a Commissary is seen bustling along with his
+attendants, with a quick and eager step. He is not on a mission of
+inspection--oh, no--that cheerful promptitude indicates that game’s
+a-foot, and that something is to be done. And now he stops before a
+house and knocks aloud--“Who is there?”--demands some one from within.
+“Open in the name of the law!” is the reply. What consternation do
+these words create; lights are gleaming and people are hurrying
+backwards and forwards, but the knocking continues and becomes louder,
+and the door is opened, and the unfortunate master of the house is
+dragged from his bed to be plunged into the dungeons of the Vicaria.
+His neighbour, luckier than he, had timely notice of the honour
+intended him by the Commissary; and, escaping over the roof of his
+house, was enabled to get on board some friendly vessel. Their crime
+you ask? That of hundreds of others who are eating the bread of penury
+in exile, or pining in loathsome dungeons--they had taken part in the
+movements which preceded the publication of the “Constitution” (yet an
+article of that “Constitution” says, that “a veil of oblivion shall
+rest upon the past”). They had, in short, assisted in the development
+of a Constitution which I saw the Majesty of Naples swear on the
+Gospels to observe.
+
+I know no better type than certain noxious insects for the myrmidons
+of the Commissary--the Police Spies of the South of Italy. Their
+multitude, their ubiquity, their unwearied perseverance, their
+sharp sting, make them worse than the whole insect tribe united,
+and infinitely more dangerous. You may crush the wasp, or smoke the
+mosquito, or brush away the ant, and get some intervals of repose
+in spite of renewed attacks; they give you, too, some warning
+signs of their approach--but the Police Spy is invisible and never
+out of hearing; whether you are relaxing in frank and thoughtless
+merriment, or abandoning yourself to the sweet and delicious dreams
+of friendship; in the market or the street--the drawing-room--the
+café--or the church--there he is: “A chiel’s amang ye taking notes,
+and ’faith he’ll prent it!” They reconnoitre the ground in various
+detachments for the Commissary, and report the movements, words, and
+almost thoughts, of the “suspected,” or of whomsoever they please to
+place upon that fatal list. They assume no distinctive dress--make no
+sign; they walk in darkness, and move like the pestilence, yet they
+are as real existences, and follow as precise a trade, as the vendor
+of maccaroni. These spies are not sent forth at random, like gleaners
+in a wheat-field, to pick up whatever they can; but they are selected
+with caution, and assigned a position for which their talents or rank
+best fit them. Thus it happens that every grade of society has its
+appropriate and peculiar spies. Some are appointed to watch over the
+upper classes; some over the _canaglia_; some over the clergy;
+all watch each other. Enter a drawing-room, and rustling in satin, and
+distributing the courtesies and refinements of the _galleria_
+(drawing-room), you may behold a Government Spy. Beauty and refinement
+unite to lament the fate of the poor Marchese Maroni, who was arrested
+yesterday; nay, two crystal drops confirm the grief of the sympathising
+syren--“It was so hard a case. There was really nothing that could be
+proved against his Eccellenza. Alas! who is safe under the existing
+order of things--is there no hope--will there never be any change?”
+But beware--fall not into the meshes, though they may be woven of
+silk; be silent or indifferent; the very lips which pronounced these
+commiserations, are those which a few hours ago denounced the subject
+of them to the Government. You adjourn, at the close of the Opera,
+to a café; you are accompanied by several friends, and feel disposed
+to relax over a glass of iced punch--’tis so hot--and then from one
+topic of conversation you range to another, as if you were breathing
+the air of liberty. But who is that sleek old gentleman opposite,
+whose keen and cunning eye glances occasionally at you from above his
+paper? He has been seated there, I know not how long, spelling rather
+than reading yesterday’s paper; yet he has a benevolent expression of
+countenance; perhaps he is infirm, poor fellow, or is looking for an
+advertisement; perhaps some article has deeply interested him. Phaugh!
+waste not your compassion or your speculation upon him--he is a Spy! he
+has been taking notes, and woe be to you if you have been betrayed into
+any thoughtless expression of opinion; for every word is registered.
+What corner of the city, or the country, what class of society is
+free from this pest! Nor is all this merely imaginary. I paint from
+the life, and could adduce instances of betrayal in the belle of high
+society, or in the shopman at the counter, in the caburan who takes
+your paltry _buonamancia_, or the friend you have cherished in
+your bosom.
+
+For even private friendship is not held sacred. There was living in
+Naples, upwards of a year since, a Count Montinona, who appeared to
+have no particular object in view except the pursuit of pleasure. For
+many years he had lavished his bounty and his friendship on another,
+who was at length discovered to have made somewhat free with the
+Count’s property; accusations ensued, and, though compassion and a
+certain lingering recollection of the past did not permit the Count to
+cast the villain entirely off; yet he so far restricted his intimacy as
+to put it out of his power to rob him--“he was poor, and the temptation
+had been too great!” But what ensued?--This man denounced his friend as
+having concealed arms, and as entertaining free and dangerous opinions.
+Straightway the Count was arrested--his house and papers were examined,
+though nothing could be found to implicate him or to prove the charge;
+yet for many, many months he pined away in prison. I never heard when
+he was released, or if he is yet at liberty. All that time the informer
+ranged about at his own sweet will, to entrap as many new jail victims
+as he could make.
+
+The effect of the Spy System on the national character is exceedingly
+demoralising. There is no country in Europe where the low, secret
+vices, as opposed to those of a bolder, opener, and more ferocious
+character, exist so strongly as in the South of Italy. There, the
+result of that timidity and want of faith in what is good, and just,
+and true, which has been engendered by intrigue, is practised in its
+most comprehensive sense. The Secret Police system is one of the very
+many causes of this. To appreciate this thoroughly, you must regard
+it as being not merely a political institution, but as having now
+become national; people have followed the example which has been set
+them, and have all become spies--spies on each other’s actions, words,
+and thoughts. Sometimes this habit is pursued to the extent only of
+simple curiosity, watching, investigating, and reporting the commonest
+trifles. Sometimes it is a little more malignant, and engages, almost
+as a pastime, in embroiling individuals or families. Sometimes it
+pushes further, and furnishes denunciations to the Priest, the Bishop,
+the Intendente, or the Minister. I have seen it under all its phases,
+and the effect has been to produce a want of faith in all that is high,
+generous and noble, and to form a low national character.
+
+It is more ridiculous and annoying than can well be imagined, to get
+behind the scenes of Italian life, and listen to the daily gossip:--How
+such an one “_ha fatto un’ ricorso_” against this or that person.
+How Don So and So has written certain letters to the Intendente,
+containing charges against another Don, and has forged two signatures.
+How So and So has been to the bishop and laid a long list of crimes at
+the door of some luckless priest. Then watch the tempest of official
+papers which fly through the air; some contain inquiries into the
+truth of the statements, addressed to the judge or the syndic; some
+are orders to a dozen unfortunate wights to present themselves at the
+Intendenza; while others contain ghostly reproofs from the bishop, or
+orders to suspend a priest at his reverence’s will and pleasure, and
+rusticate him in some monastery. Every denunciation is received and
+inquired into.
+
+I remember an instance of two men who kept a whole district in
+inquietude during one winter. Both had received some private
+offence, and straightway each shrank into a corner and wove his
+envenomed meshes; charges were devised and letters written to the
+Intendente, accusing some score of their friends of Carbonarism or
+constitutionalism; then came the usual dispatches to the judge and
+other authorities to inquire into the truth of the statements. The
+judge, it happened, was friendly with the unfortunate denounced, and
+drew up therefore a favourable report, but had he been less honest or
+less amicable, these poor fellows might have swelled the number of
+those who now pine in the prisons of the Vicaria.
+
+Indeed, the influence of the Police Spy System (united with other
+causes), has been such as to convert the whole nation into spies upon
+each other. As suspicion and want of confidence universally prevail,
+so there is a deficiency of truthfulness. This cannot be more strongly
+proved than by the admission of the Italians themselves who, when
+wishing to conciliate your belief, tell you that they speak “_la
+parola Inglese_,”--on the word of an Englishman.
+
+
+
+
+                                CHIPS.
+
+
+                   THE INDIVIDUALITY OF LOCOMOTIVES.
+
+It is a remarkable truth, and, well applied, it might be profitable to
+us, in helping us to make fair allowance for the differences between
+the temperaments of different men--that every Locomotive Engine running
+on a Railway, has a distinct individuality and character of its own.
+
+It is perfectly well known to experienced practical engineers, that if
+a dozen different Locomotive Engines were made, at the same time, of
+the same power, for the same purpose, of like materials, in the same
+Factory--each of those Locomotive Engines would come out with its own
+peculiar whims and ways, only ascertainable by experience. One engine
+will take a great meal of coke and water at once; another will not hear
+of such a thing, but will insist on being coaxed by spades-full and
+buckets-full. One is disposed to start off, when required, at the top
+of his speed; another must have a little time to warm at his work, and
+to get well into it. These peculiarities are so accurately mastered
+by skilful drivers, that only particular men can persuade particular
+engines to do their best. It would seem as if some of these “excellent
+monsters” declared, on being brought out of the stable, “If it’s
+Smith who is to drive me, I won’t go. If it’s my friend Stokes, I am
+agreeable to anything!”
+
+All Locomotive Engines are low-spirited in damp and foggy weather.
+They have a great satisfaction in their work when the air is crisp
+and frosty. At such a time they are very cheerful and brisk; but
+they strongly object to haze and Scotch mists. These are points of
+character on which they are all united. It is in their peculiarities
+and varieties of character that they are most remarkable.
+
+The Railway Company who should consign all their Locomotives to one
+uniform standard of treatment, without any allowance for varying shades
+of character and opinion, would soon fall as much behind-hand in the
+world as those greater Governments are, and ever will be, who pursue
+the same course with the finer piece of work called Man.
+
+
+             THE OLDEST INHABITANT OF THE PLACE DE GRÈVE.
+
+The Police Courts of London have often displayed many a curious
+character, many a strange scene, many an exquisite bit of dialogue; so
+have the Police Courts in Ireland, especially at the Petty Sessions in
+Kilrush; but we are not so well aware of how often a scene of rich and
+peculiar humour occurs in the Police _tribuneaux_ of Paris. We
+will proceed to give the reader a “taste of their quality.”
+
+An extremely old woman, all in rags, was continually found begging in
+the streets, and the Police having goodnaturedly let her off several
+times, were at last obliged to take her in charge, and bring her into
+the Court. Several magistrates were sitting. The following dialogue
+took place between the President and the old woman.
+
+_President._ Now, my good woman, what have you to say for
+yourself? You have been frequently warned by the Police, but you have
+persisted in troubling people with begging.
+
+_Old Woman_ (_in a humble quavering tone_). Ah, Monsieur le
+President, it is not so much trouble to other people as it is to me. I
+am a very old woman.
+
+_Pres._ Come, come, you must leave off begging, or I shall be
+obliged to punish you.
+
+_Old W._ But, Monsieur le President, I cannot live without--I must
+beg--pardon me, Monsieur--I am obliged to beg.
+
+_Pres._ But I say you must not. Can you do no work?
+
+_Old W._ Ah, no, Monsieur; I am too old.
+
+_Pres._ Can’t you sell something--little cakes--bonbons?--
+
+_Old W._ No, Monsieur, I can’t get any little stock to begin with;
+and, if I could, I should be robbed by the _gamins_, or the little
+girls, for I’m not very quick, and can’t see well.
+
+_Pres._ Your relations must support you, then. You cannot be
+allowed to beg. Have you no son--no daughter--no grandchildren?
+
+_Old W._ No, Monsieur; none--none--all my relations are dead.
+
+_Pres._ Well then, your friends must give you assistance.
+
+_Old W._ Ah, Monsieur, I have no friends; and, indeed, I never had
+but one, in my life; but he too is gone.
+
+_Pres._ And who was he?
+
+_Old W._ Monsieur de Robespierre--_le pauvre cher homme!_
+(The poor, dear man!)
+
+_Pres._ Robespierre!--why what did you know of him?
+
+_Old W._ Oh, Monsieur, my mother was one of the _tricoteurs_
+(knitting-women) who used to sit round the foot of the guillotine, and
+I always stood beside her. When Monsieur de Robespierre was passing by,
+in attending his duties, he used to touch my cheek, and call me (here
+the old woman shed tears) _la belle Marguerite_:--_le pauvre,
+cher homme!_
+
+We must here pause to remind the reader that these women, the
+_tricoteurs_, who used to sit round the foot of the guillotine on
+the mornings when it was at its hideous work, were sometimes called the
+“Furies;” but only as a grim jest. It is well known, that, although
+there were occasionally some sanguinary hags amongst them, yet, for
+the most part, they were merely idle, gossiping women, who came there
+dressed in neat white caps, and with their knitting materials, out of
+sheer love of excitement, and to enjoy the _spectacle_.
+
+_Pres._ Well, Goody; finish your history.
+
+_Old W._ I was married soon after this, and then I used to
+take my seat as a _tricoteur_ among the others; and on the
+days when Monsieur de Robespierre passed, he used always to notice
+me--_le pauvre cher homme_. I used then to be called _la belle
+tricoteuse_, but now--now, I am called _la vielle radoteuse_
+(the old dotardess). Ah, Monsieur le President, it is what we must all
+come to!
+
+The old woman accompanied this reflection with an inimitable look at
+the President, which completely involved him in the _we_, thus
+presenting him with the prospect of becoming an old dotardess; not in
+the least meant offensively, but said in the innocence of her aged
+heart.
+
+_Pres._ Ahem!--silence! You seem to have a very tender
+recollection of Monsieur Robespierre. I suppose you had reason to be
+grateful to him?
+
+_Old W._ No, Monsieur, no reason in particular; for he guillotined
+my husband.
+
+_Pres._ Certainly this ought to be no reason for loving his memory.
+
+_Old W._ Ah, Monsieur, but it happened quite by accident. Monsieur
+de Robespierre did not intend to guillotine my husband--he had him
+executed by mistake for somebody else--_le pauvre cher homme!_
+
+Thus leaving it an exquisite matter of doubt, as to whether the “poor
+dear man” referred to her husband, or to Monsieur de Robespierre; or
+whether the tender epithet was equally divided between them.
+
+
+
+
+                 TWO CHAPTERS ON BANK NOTE FORGERIES.
+
+
+                              CHAPTER II.
+
+In the history of crime, as in all other histories, there is one great
+epoch by which minor dates are arranged and defined. In a list of
+remarkable events, one remarkable event more remarkable than the last,
+is the standard around which all smaller circumstances are grouped.
+Whatever happens in Mohammedan annals, is set down as having occurred
+so many years after the flight of the Prophet; in the records of London
+commerce a great fraud or a great failure is mentioned as having
+come to light so many months after the flight of Rowland Stephenson.
+Sporting men date from remarkable struggles for the Derby prize; and
+refer to 1840 as “Bloomsbury’s year.” The highwayman of old dated from
+Dick Turpin’s last appearance on the fatal stage at Tyburn turnpike. In
+like manner, the standard epoch in the annals of Bank Note Forgery, is
+the year 1797, when (on the 25th of February) one pound notes were put
+into circulation instead of golden guineas; or, to use the City idiom,
+“cash payments were suspended.”
+
+At that time the Bank of England note was no better in appearance--had
+not improved as a work of art--since the days of Vaughan, Mathieson,
+and Old Patch; it was just as easily imitated, and the chances of the
+successful circulation of counterfeits were increased a thousand-fold.
+
+Up to 1793 no notes had been issued even for sums so small as five
+pounds. Consequently all the Bank paper then in use, passed through the
+hands and under the eyes of the affluent and educated, who could more
+readily distinguish the false from the true. Hence, during the fourteen
+years which preceded the non-golden and small-note era, there were only
+three capital convictions for the crime. When, however, the Bank of
+England notes became “common and popular,” a prodigious quantity--to
+complete the quotation--was also made “base,” and many persons were
+hanged for concocting them.
+
+To a vast number of the humbler orders, Bank Notes were a rarity and a
+“sight.” Many had never seen such a thing before they were called upon
+to take one or two pound notes in exchange for small merchandise, or
+their own labour. How were they to judge? How were they to tell a good
+from a spurious note?--especially when it happened that the officers
+of the Bank themselves, were occasionally mistaken, so complete
+and perfect were the imitations then afloat. There cannot be much
+doubt that where one graphic rascal was found out, ten escaped. They
+snapped their fingers at the executioner, and went on enjoying their
+beefsteaks and porter; their winter treats to the play; their summer
+excursions to the suburban tea-gardens; their fashionable lounges at
+Tunbridge Wells, Bath, Margate, and Ramsgate; doing business with
+wonderful unconcern and “face” all along their journeys. These usually
+expensive, but to them profitable enjoyments, were continually coming
+to light at the trials of the lesser rogues who undertook the issue
+department; for, from the ease with which close imitation was effected,
+the manufacture was more readily completed than the uttering. The
+fraternity and sisterhood of utterers played many parts, and were
+banded in strict compact with the forgers. Some were turned loose into
+fairs and markets, in all sorts of appropriate disguises. Farmers, who
+could hardly distinguish a field of standing wheat from a field of
+barley: Butchers who never wielded more deadly weapons than two-prong
+forks: Country boys with Cockney accents, bought gingerbread, and
+treated their so-called sweethearts with ribbons and muslins, all by
+the interchange of false “flimseys.” The better mannered disguised
+themselves as ladies and gentlemen, paid their losings at cards or
+hazard, or their tavern bills, their milliners, and coachmakers, in
+motley money composed of part real and part base bank paper. Some
+went about in the cloak of the Samaritan, and generously subscribed
+to charities wherever they saw a chance of changing a bad “five” for
+three or four good “ones.” Ladies of sweet disposition went about doing
+good among the poor; personally inquired into distress, relieved it
+by sending out a daughter or a son to a neighbouring shop for change;
+and left five shillings for present necessities, walking off with
+fifteen. So openly--in spite of the gallows--was forgery carried on,
+that whoever chose to turn utterer found no difficulty in getting a
+stock-in-trade to commence with. Indeed, in the days of highwaymen,
+no travelling gentleman’s pocket or valise was considered properly
+furnished without a few forged notes wherewith to satisfy the demands
+of the members of the “High Toby.” This offence against the laws of the
+road, however, soon became too common, and wayfarers who were stopped
+and rifled had to pledge their sacred words of honour that their notes
+were the genuine promises of Abraham Newland; and that their watches
+were not of the factory of Mr. Pinchbeck.
+
+With temptations so strong, it is no wonder that the forgers’ trade
+flourished, with only an occasional check from the strong arm of the
+law. It followed, therefore, that from the issue of small notes in
+February 1797, to the end of 1817--twenty years--there were no fewer
+than eight hundred and seventy prosecutions connected with Bank Note
+Forgery, in which there were only one hundred and sixty acquittals, and
+upwards of three hundred executions! 1818 was the culminating point
+of the crime. In the first three months there were no fewer than one
+hundred and twenty-eight prosecutions by the Bank; and by the end of
+that year, two-and-thirty individuals had been hanged for Note Forgery.
+So far from this appalling series of examples having any effect in
+checking the progress of the crime, it is proved that at, and after
+that very time, base notes were poured into the Bank at the rate of
+_a hundred a day_!
+
+The enormous number of undetected forgeries afloat, may be estimated
+by the fact, that from the 1st of January 1812, to the 10th April
+1818, one hundred and thirty-one thousand three hundred and thirty-one
+pieces of paper were ornamented by the Bank officers with the word
+“Forged”--upwards of one hundred and seven thousand of them were
+one-pound counterfeits.
+
+Intrinsically, it would appear from an Hibernian view of the case,
+then, that bad notes were nearly as good, (except not merely having
+been manufactured at the Bank), as good ones. So thoroughly and
+completely did some of them resemble the authorised engraving of the
+Bank, that it was next to impossible to distinguish the false from the
+true. Countless instances, showing rather the skill of the forger than
+the want of vigilance in Bank officials, could be brought forward.
+Respectable persons were constantly taken into custody on a charge of
+uttering forgeries, imprisoned for days and then liberated. A close
+scrutiny, proving that the accusations were made upon genuine paper. In
+September, 1818, Mr. A. Burnett, of Portsmouth, had the satisfaction
+of having a note which had passed through his hands returned to him
+from the Bank of England with the base mark upon it. Satisfied of
+its genuineness, he re-inclosed it to the cashier, and demanded its
+payment. By return of post he received the following letter:
+
+                         “_Bank of England, 16 Sept., 1818._
+
+ “Sir,--I have to acknowledge your letter to Mr. Hase, of the 13th
+ inst. inclosing a one pound note, and, in answer thereto, I beg leave
+ to acquaint you, that, on inspection it appears to be a genuine Note
+ of the Bank of England; I therefore, agreeably to your request,
+ inclose you one of the like value, No. 26,276, dated 22nd August, 1818.
+
+ “I am exceedingly sorry, Sir, that such an unusual oversight should
+ have occurred to give you so much trouble, which I trust your candour
+ will induce you to excuse when I assure you that the unfortunate
+ mistake has arisen entirely out of the hurry and multiplicity of
+ business.
+
+                                             “I am, Sir,
+                                 Your most obedient servant,
+  A. BURNETT, ESQ.                                  J. RIPPON.
+  7 Belle Vue Terrace.
+  Southsea, near Portsmouth.”
+
+A more extraordinary case is on record. A note was traced to the
+possession of a tradesman, which had been pronounced by the Bank
+Inspectors to have been forged. The man would not give it up and
+was taken before a magistrate, charged with “having a note in his
+possession, well knowing it to be forged.” He was committed to prison
+on evidence of the Bank Inspector; but was afterwards released on
+bail to appear when called on. He was _not_ called on; and, at
+the expiration of twelvemonths (having kept the note all that time),
+he brought an action against the Bank for false imprisonment. On the
+trial the note was proved to be genuine! and the plaintiff was awarded
+damages of one hundred pounds.
+
+It is a fact sufficiently dreadful that three hundred and thirty
+human lives should have been sacrificed in twenty-one years; but when
+we relate a circumstance which admits the merest probability that
+some--even one--of those lives may have been sacrificed in innocence
+of the offence for which they suffered, the consideration becomes
+appalling.
+
+Some time after the frequency of the crime had, in other respects
+subsided, there was a sort of bloody assize at Haverfordwest, in Wales;
+several prisoners were tried for forging and uttering, and thirteen
+were convicted; chiefly on the evidence of Mr. Christmas, a Bank
+Inspector, who swore positively, in one case, that the document named
+in the indictment “was not an impression from a Bank of England plate;
+was not printed on the paper with the ink or water-mark of the Bank;
+neither was it in the handwriting of the signing clerk.” Upon this
+testimony the prisoner, together with twelve participators in similar
+crimes, were condemned to be hanged!
+
+The morning after the trial, Mr. Christmas was leaving his lodging,
+when an acquaintance stepped up and asked him, as a friend, to give
+his opinion on a note he had that morning received. It was a bright
+day; Mr. Christmas put on his spectacles, and carefully scrutinised
+the document in a business-like and leisurely manner. He pronounced it
+to be forged. The gentleman, a little chagrined, brought it away with
+him to town. It is not a little singular that he happened to know Mr.
+Burnett, of Portsmouth, whom he accidentally met, and to whom he showed
+the note. Mr. Burnett was evidently a capital judge of Bank paper. He
+said nothing, but slipping his hand into one pocket, handed to the
+astonished gentleman full change, and put the note into another. “It
+cannot be a good note,” exclaimed the latter, “for my friend Christmas
+told me at Haverfordwest that it is a forgery!” But as Mr. Burnett
+had backed his opinion to the amount of twenty shillings he declined
+to retract it; and lost no time in writing to Mr. Henry Hase (Abraham
+Newland’s successor) to test its accuracy.
+
+It was lucky that he did so; for this little circumstance saved
+thirteen lives!
+
+Mr. Christmas’s co-inspectors at the Bank of England actually
+reversed his non-official judgment that the note was a forgery. It
+was officially pronounced to be a good note; yet upon the evidence
+of Mr. Christmas as regards other notes, the thirteen human beings
+at Haverfordwest were trembling at the foot of the gallows. It was
+promptly and cogently argued that as Mr. Christmas’s judgment had
+failed him in the deliberate examination of one note, it might also err
+as to others, and the convicts were respited.
+
+The converse of this sort of mistake often happened. Bad notes were
+pronounced to be genuine by the Bank. Early in January, 1818, a
+well-dressed woman entered the shop of Mr. James Hammond, of 40,
+Bishopsgate Street Without, and having purchased three pounds worth
+of goods, tendered in payment a ten-pound note. There was something
+hesitating and odd in her manner; and, although Mr. Hammond could
+see nothing the matter with the note, yet he was ungallant enough to
+suspect--from the uncomfortable demeanour of his customer--that all was
+not right. He hoped she was not in a hurry, for he had no change; he
+must send to a neighbour for it. He immediately dispatched his shopman
+to the most affluent of all his neighbours--to her of Threadneedle
+Street. The delay occasioned the lady to remark, “I suppose he is gone
+to the Bank?” Mr. Hammond having answered in the affirmative, engaged
+his customer in conversation, and they freely discussed the current
+topics of the day; till the young man returned with ten one pound Bank
+of England Notes. Mr. Hammond felt a little remorse at having suspected
+his patroness; who departed with the purchases with the utmost
+despatch. She had not been gone half an hour before two gentlemen
+rushed into the shop in a state of grievous chagrin; one was the Bank
+clerk who had changed the note. He begged Mr. Hammond would be good
+enough to give him another for it. “Why?” asked the puzzled shopkeeper.
+“Why, Sir,” replied the distressed clerk, “it is forged!” Of course his
+request was not complied with. The clerk declared that his dismissal
+was highly probable; but Mr. Hammond was inexorable.
+
+The arguments in favour of death punishments never fail so signally
+as when brought to the test of the scaffold and its effect on Bank
+Forgeries. When these were most numerous, although from twenty
+to thirty persons were put to death in one year, the gallows was
+never deprived of an equal share of prey during the next. As long
+as simulated notes could be passed with ease, and detected with
+difficulty, the Old Bailey had no terrors for clever engravers and
+dexterous imitators of the hieroglyphic autographs of the Bank of
+England signers.
+
+At length public alarm at the prevalence of forgeries, and the
+difficulty of knowing them as such, arose to the height of demanding
+some sort of relief. In 1819 a committee was appointed by the
+Government to enquire into the best means of prevention. One hundred
+and eighty projects were submitted. They mostly consisted of intricate
+designs such as rendered great expense necessary to imitate. But none
+were adopted, for the obvious reason that ever so indifferent and
+easily executed imitation of an elaborate note is quite sufficient
+to deceive an uneducated eye; as had been abundantly proved in the
+instance of the Irish “black note.” The Bank had not been indifferent
+or idle on the subject, for it had spent some hundred thousand
+pounds in projects for inimitable notes. At last--not long before
+the Commission was appointed--they were on the eve of adopting an
+ingenious and costly mechanism for printing a note so precisely alike
+on both sides as to appear as one impression, when one of the Bank
+printers imitated it exactly by the simple contrivance of two plates
+and a hinge. This may serve as a sample of the other one hundred and
+seventy-nine projects.
+
+Neither the gallows, nor expensive and elaborate works of art, having
+been found effectual in preventing forgery, the true expedient for at
+least lessening the crime was adopted in 1821:--the issue of small
+notes was wholly discontinued, and sovereigns were brought into
+circulation. The forger’s trade was nearly annihilated. Criminal
+returns inform us that during the nine years after the resumption of
+gold currency the number of convictions for offences having reference
+to the Bank of England notes were less than one hundred, and the
+executions only eight. This clinches the argument against the efficacy
+of the gallows. In 1830 death punishments were repealed for all minor
+offences, and, although the cases of Bank Note Forgeries slightly
+increased for a time, yet there is no reason to suppose that they are
+greater now than they were between 1821 and 1830.
+
+At present, Bank paper forgeries are not numerous. One of the latest
+was that of the twenty pound note, of which about sixty specimens found
+their way into the Bank. It was well executed in Belgium by foreigners,
+and the impressions were passed among the Change-agents in various
+towns in France and the Netherlands. The speculation did not succeed;
+for the notes got into, and were detected at, the Bank, a little too
+soon to profit the schemers much.
+
+The most considerable frauds now perpetrated are not forgeries; but are
+done upon the plan of the highwayman mentioned in our first chapter.
+In order to give currency to stolen or lost notes which have been
+stopped at the Bank (lists of which are supplied to every banker in the
+country), the numbers and dates are fraudulently altered. Some years
+since, a gentleman, who had been receiving a large sum of money at the
+Bank, was robbed of it in an omnibus. The notes gradually came in, but
+all were altered. The last was one for five hundred pounds, dated the
+12th March, 1846, and numbered 32109. On the Monday (3rd June) after
+the last “Derby Day,” amid the _twenty-five thousand pieces_ of
+paper that were examined by the Bank Inspectors, there was one note
+for five hundred pounds, dated 12th March, 1848, and numbered 32409.
+At that note an inspector suddenly arrested his rapid examination of
+the pile of which it was one. He scrutinised it for a minute, and
+pronounced it “altered.” On the next day, that same note, with a
+perfect one for five hundred pounds, is shown to us with an intimation
+of the fact. We look at every letter; we trace every line; follow
+every flourish: we hold both up to the light; we undulate our visuals
+with the waves of the water-mark. We confess that we cannot pronounce
+decisively; but we have an opinion derived from a slight “goutiness”
+in the fine stroke of the figure 4 that No. 32409 is the forgery!
+so indeed it was. Yet the Bank Inspector had picked it out from the
+hundred genuine notes as instantaneously--pounced upon it as rapidly,
+as if it had been printed with green ink upon card-board.
+
+This then, O gentlemen forgers and sporting note alterers, is the
+kind of odds which is against you. A minute investigation of the note
+assured us of your exceeding skill and ingenuity; but it also convinced
+us of the superiority of the detective ordeal which you have to blind
+and to pass. In this instance you had followed the highwayman’s plan,
+and had put with great cunning, the additional marks to the 1 in 32109
+to make it into a 4. To hide the scraping out of the top or serif of
+the figure 1--to make the angle from which to draw the fine line of the
+4--you had artfully inserted with a pen the figures “£16 16” as if that
+sum had been received from a person bearing a name that you had written
+above. You had with extraordinary neatness cut out the “6” from 1846,
+and filled up the hole with an 8 abstracted from some note of lesser
+value. You had fitted it with remarkable precision; only you had not
+got the 8 quite upright enough to pass the shrewd glance of the Bank
+Inspector.
+
+We have seen a one-pound note made up of refuse pieces of a hundred
+other Bank notes, and pasted on a piece of paper (like a note
+that had been accidentally torn), so as to present an entire and
+_passable_ whole.
+
+To alter with a pen a 1 into a 4 is an easy task--to cut out the
+numeral from the _date_ in one note and insert it into another,
+needs only a tyro in paper-cutting; but to change the special
+_number_ by which each note is distinguished, is a feat only
+second in impossibility to trumping every court-card of every suit
+six times running in a rubber of whist. Yet we have seen a note so
+cleverly altered by this expedient, that it was actually paid by the
+Bank cashiers. If the reader will take a Bank note out of his purse,
+and examine its “number,” he will at once appreciate the combination
+of chances required to find, on any other note, any other figure that
+shall displace any one of the numerals so as to avoid detection. The
+“number” of every Bank note is printed twice on one line--first, on
+the words “I promise,” secondly, on the words, “or bearer.” Sometimes
+the figures cover the whole of those words; sometimes they only partly
+obscure them. No. 99066 now lies before us. Suppose we wished to
+substitute the “0” of another note for the first “9” of the one now
+under our eye; we see that the “9” covers a little bit of the “P,”
+and intersects in three places the “r,” in “Promise.” Now, to give
+this alteration the smallest chance, we must look through hundreds of
+other notes till we find an “0” which not only covers a part of the
+“P” and intersects the “r” in three places, but in precisely _the
+same_ places as the “9” on our note does; else the strokes of those
+letters would not meet when the “0” was let in, and instant detection
+would ensue. But even then the job would only be half done. The second
+initial “9” stands upon the “or” in “or bearer,” and we should have to
+investigate several hundred more notes, to find an “0” that intersected
+that little word exactly in the same manner, and then let it in with
+such mathematical nicety, that not the hundredth part of a hair’s
+breadth of the transferred paper should fail to range with the rest of
+the letters and figures on the altered note; to say nothing of hiding
+the joins in the paper. This is the triumph of ambidexterity; it is a
+species of patch-work far beyond the most sublime achievements of “Old
+Patch” himself.
+
+Time has proved that the steady perseverance of the Bank--despite
+the most furious clamour--in gradually improving their original note
+and thus preserving those most essential qualities, simplicity and
+uniformity--has been a better preventive to forgery than any one of the
+hundreds of plans, pictures, complications, chemicals, and colours,
+which have been forced upon the Directors’ notice. Whole-note forgery
+is nearly extinct. The lives of Eminent Forgers need only wait for a
+single addendum; for only one man is left who can claim superiority
+over Mathieson, and he was, unfortunately for the Bank of England,
+born a little too late, to trip up his heels, or those of the late Mr.
+Charles Price. He can do everything with a note that the patchers,
+and alterers, and simulators, can do, and a great deal more. Flimsy
+as a Bank note is to a proverb, he can split it into three perfect
+continuous, flat, and even leaves. He has forged more than one design
+sent into the Bank as an infallible preventive to forgery. You may, if
+you like, lend him a hundred pound note: he will undertake to discharge
+every trace of ink from it, and return it to you perfectly uninjured
+and a perfect blank. We are not quite sure that if you were to burn
+a Bank note and hand him the black cinders, that he would not bleach
+it, and join it, and conjure it back again into a very good-looking,
+payable piece of currency. But we _are_ sure of the truth of the
+following story, which we have from our friend the transcendant forger
+referred to; and who is no other than the chief of the Engraving and
+Engineering department of the Bank of England:
+
+Some years ago--in the days of the thirty-shilling notes--a certain
+Irishman saved up the sum of eighty-seven pounds ten, in notes of the
+Bank of Ireland. As a sure means of securing this valuable property,
+he put it in the foot of an old stocking, and buried it in his garden,
+where Bank note paper couldn’t fail to keep dry, and to come out, when
+wanted, in the best preservation.
+
+After leaving his treasure in this excellent place of deposit for some
+months, it occurred to the depositor to take a look at it, and see how
+it was getting on. He found the stocking-foot apparently full of the
+fragments of mildewed and broken mushrooms. No other shadow of a shade
+of eighty-seven pounds ten.
+
+In the midst of his despair, the man had the sense not to disturb the
+ashes of his property. He took the stocking-foot in his hand, posted
+off to the Bank in Dublin, entered it one morning as soon as it was
+opened, and, staring at the clerk with a most extraordinary absence of
+all expression in his face, said:
+
+“Ah, look at that, Sir! Can ye do anything for me?”
+
+“What do you call this?” said the clerk.
+
+“Eighty-sivin pound ten, praise the Lord, as I’m a sinner! Ohone! There
+was a twenty as was paid to me by Mr. Phalim O’Dowd, Sir, and a ten
+as was changed by Pat Reilly, and a five as was owen by Tim; and Ted
+Connor, ses he to ould Phillips--”
+
+“Well! Never mind old Phillips. You have done it, my friend!”
+
+“Oh Lord, Sir, and it’s done it I have, most com-plate! Oh, good luck
+to you, Sir, can you do nothing for me?”
+
+“I don’t know what’s to be done with such a mess as this. Tell me,
+first of all, what you put in the stocking, you unfortunate blunderer?”
+
+“Oh yes, Sir, and tell you true as if it was the last word I had to
+spake entirely, and the Lord be good to you, and Ted Connor ses he to
+ould Phillips, regarden the five as was owen by Tim, and not includen
+of the ten which was changed by Pat Reilly--”
+
+“You didn’t put Pat Reilly, or ould Phillips into the stocking, did
+you?”
+
+“Is it Pat or ould Phillips as was ever the valy of eighty-sivin pound
+ten, lost and gone, and includen the five as was owen by Tim, and Ted
+Connor--”
+
+“Then tell me what you _did_ put in the stocking, and let me
+take it down. And then hold your tongue, if you can, and go your way,
+and come back to-morrow.”
+
+The particulars of the notes were taken, without any reference to ould
+Phillips: who could not, however, by any means be kept out of the
+story; and the man departed.
+
+When he was gone, the stocking-foot was shown to the then Chief
+Engraver of the notes, who said that if anybody could settle the
+business, his son could. And he proposed that the particulars of the
+notes should not be communicated to his son, who was then employed in
+his department of the Bank, but should be put away under lock and key;
+and that if his son’s ingenuity should enable him to discover from
+these ashes what notes had really been put in the stocking, and the two
+lists should tally, the man should be paid the lost amount. To this
+prudent proposal the Bank of Ireland readily assented; being extremely
+anxious that the man should not be a loser; but, of course, deeming it
+essential to be protected from imposition.
+
+The son readily undertook the delicate commission proposed to him.
+He detached the fragments from the stocking with the utmost care, on
+the fine point of a penknife; laid the whole gently in a basin of
+warm water; and presently saw them, to his delight, begin to unfold
+and expand like flowers. By and by, he began to “teaze them” with
+very light touches of the ends of a camel’s-hair pencil, and so, by
+little and little, and by the most delicate use of the warm water, the
+camel’s-hair pencil, and the penknife, got the various morsels separate
+before him, and began to piece them together. The first piece laid down
+was faintly recognisable by a practised eye as a bit of the left-hand
+bottom corner of a twenty pound note; then came a bit of a five; then
+of a ten; then more bits of a twenty; then more bits of a five and ten;
+then, another left-hand bottom corner of a twenty--so there were two
+twenties!--and so on, until, to the admiration and astonishment of the
+whole Bank, he noted down the exact amount deposited in the stocking,
+and the exact notes of which it had been composed. Upon this--as
+he wished to see and divert himself with the man on his return--he
+provided himself with a bundle of corresponding new, clean, rustling
+notes, and awaited his arrival.
+
+He came exactly as before, with the same blank staring face, and the
+same inquiry, “Can you do anything for me, Sir!”
+
+“Well,” said our friend, “I don’t know. Maybe I _can_ do
+something. But I have taken a great deal of pains, and lost a great
+deal of time, and I want to know what you mean to give me!”
+
+“Is it give, Sir? Thin, is there anything I wouldn’t give for my
+eighty-sivin pound tin, Sir; and it’s murdered I am by ould Phillips.”
+
+“Never mind him; there were two twenties, were there not?”
+
+“Oh, holy mother, Sir, there was! Two most illigant twenties! and Ted
+Conner--and Phalim--which Reilly--”
+
+He faltered, and stopped as our friend, with much ostentatious
+rustling of the crisp paper, produced a new twenty, and then the other
+twenty, and then a ten, and then a five, and so forth. Meanwhile,
+the man, occasionally murmuring an exclamation of surprise, or a
+protestation of gratitude, but gradually becoming vague and remote in
+the latter as the notes re-appeared, looked on, staring, evidently
+inclined to believe that they were the real lost notes, reproduced in
+that state by some chemical process. At last they were all told out,
+and in his pocket, and he still stood staring and muttering, “Oh holy
+Mother, only to think of it! Sir, it’s bound to you for ever that I
+am!”--but more vaguely and remotely now than ever.
+
+“Well,” said our friend, “what do you propose to give me for this?”
+
+After staring and rubbing his chin for some time longer, he replied
+with the unexpected question:
+
+“Do you like bacon?”
+
+“Very much,” said our friend.
+
+“Thin it’s a side as I’ll bring your honor to-morrow morning, and a
+bucket of new milk--and ould Phillips--”
+
+“Come,” said our friend, glancing at a notable shillelah the man had
+under his arm, “let me undeceive you. I don’t want anything of you, and
+I am very glad you have got your money back. But I suppose you’d stand
+by me, now, if I wanted a boy to help me in any little skirmish?”
+
+They were standing by a window on the top storey of the Bank,
+commanding a courtyard, where a sentry was on duty. To our friend’s
+amazement, the man dashed out of the room without speaking one word,
+suddenly appeared in the courtyard, performed a war-dance round this
+astonished soldier--who was a modest young recruit--made the shillelah
+flutter, like a wooden butterfly, round his musket, round his bayonet,
+round his head, round his body, round his arms, inside and outside his
+legs, advanced and retired, rattled it all round him like a firework,
+looked up at the window, cried out with a high leap in the air,
+“Whooroo! Thry me!”--vanished--and never was beheld at the Bank again
+from that time forth.
+
+
+
+
+    _This day is Published, Price 5s. 6d., neatly Bound in Cloth_,
+
+                           THE FIRST VOLUME
+                                  OF
+                           HOUSEHOLD WORDS.
+
+            _Publishing Monthly, Price 2d., Stamped, 3d._,
+
+                        THE HOUSEHOLD NARRATIVE
+                                  OF
+                            CURRENT EVENTS.
+
+  _This Monthly Supplement of Household Words, containing a history of
+the previous month, is issued regularly with the Magazines._
+
+
+                       END OF THE FIRST VOLUME.
+
+   Published at the Office, No 16, Wellington Street North, Strand.
+           Printed by BRADBURY & EVANS, Whitefriars, London.
+
+
+
+
+                          Transcriber’s Notes
+
+This file uses _underscores_ to indicate italic text.
+
+Lines marked with ~= ... =~ were in German Fraktur.
+
+New original cover art included with this eBook is granted to the
+public domain.
+
+Itemized changes from the original text:
+
+ On page 32, changed “where-ever” to “wherever”,
+   near “generously subscribed to charities”
+ On page 34, changed “watermark” to “water-mark”,
+   near “paper with the ink or”
+ On page 38, changed “have,” to “have”,
+   near “chemicals, and colours, which have”
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 78061 ***
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+<body>
+<div style='text-align:center'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 78061 ***</div>
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_1">[Pg 1]</span></p>
+
+
+<div class="pre-heading">
+“<i>Familiar in their Mouths as HOUSEHOLD WORDS.</i>”—<span class="smcap">Shakespeare</span>.
+</div>
+
+<h1>HOUSEHOLD WORDS.</h1>
+<p class="center">A WEEKLY JOURNAL.</p>
+<p class="center"><b>CONDUCTED BY CHARLES DICKENS.</b></p>
+
+<div class="height">
+<p class="float-left"><span class="float-left">N<sup>o.</sup> 26.]</span></p>
+<p class="float-right"><span class="float-left">{<span class="smcap">Price</span> 2<i>d.</i></span><br>
+<span class="float-left">{<span class="smcap">Stamped</span> 3<i>d.</i></span></p>
+
+<p class="center">SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 1850.</p>
+</div>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+<h2 class="nobreak" id="TABLE_OF_CONTENTS">TABLE OF CONTENTS</h2>
+</div>
+
+<!-- Autogenerated TOC. Modify or delete as required. -->
+
+<div class="verse indent0"><a href="#FOREIGNERS_PORTRAITS">FOREIGNERS’ PORTRAITS OF ENGLISHMEN.</a></div>
+<div class="verse indent0"><a href="#THE_STEAM_PLOUGH">THE STEAM PLOUGH.</a></div>
+<div class="verse indent0"><a href="#A_SACRED_GROVE">A SACRED GROVE.</a></div>
+<div class="verse indent0"><a href="#CAPE_SKETCHES">“CAPE” SKETCHES.</a></div>
+<div class="verse indent0"><a href="#BATTLE_WITH_LIFE">“BATTLE WITH LIFE!”</a></div>
+<div class="verse indent0"><a href="#SPY_POLICE">SPY POLICE.</a></div>
+<div class="verse indent0"><a href="#CHIPS">CHIPS.</a></div>
+<div class="verse indent0"><a href="#TWO_CHAPTERS_ON_BANK_NOTE">TWO CHAPTERS ON BANK NOTE FORGERIES.</a></div>
+
+<!-- End Autogenerated TOC. -->
+
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_2">[Pg 2]</span></p>
+
+<h2 class="nobreak" id="FOREIGNERS_PORTRAITS">FOREIGNERS’ PORTRAITS
+OF ENGLISHMEN.</h2>
+</div>
+
+
+<p>The extraordinary being, conjured up in the
+minds of most foreigners under the generic
+term Englishman, seems to be something more
+uncommon than the veracious Gulliver ever
+encountered, and more heterogeneous than
+John Bulwer in his <i>Artificiall Changeling</i>
+pourtrayed. As a Spanish <i>olla podrida</i> and
+a Devonshire squab-pie are said to be made
+up of all the contradictory edibles that can
+be conceivably assembled in one dish; so is
+the hash, cooked up by the French or
+German novelist and dramatist to represent
+a true born Briton, an incarnation of every
+unlikely extravagance it is possible to assemble
+in one character.</p>
+
+<p>The true expression of what is popularly
+believed of us abroad is not to be found so
+distinctly set forth in novels, as in plays.
+The novelist is restricted in a measure within
+the not narrow bounds of probability; but
+the dramatist may first revel at will in the
+rankest breadths of impossible absurdity; and
+then the actor may intensify the enormity
+by dress, gait, and unmeasured foolery. The
+amount of instruction on the manners, habits,
+feelings, modes of expression, gesture, dress,
+and general demeanour of his compatriots
+which an Englishman may glean in some of
+the foreign Theatres, when an Englishman is
+being represented on the stage, is perfectly
+astounding. We have in this way become acquainted
+with English characteristics of which
+the most comically inclined maniac could never
+dream after the most dyspeptic of suppers.</p>
+
+<p>It is not long since the mirror held up to
+Nature—that is, English nature reflected by
+the French—revealed to us, at the Ambigû
+Comique and at the Théâtre des Variétés, in
+Paris, “that of ourselves which yet we knew
+not of”—dreamt not of. One gentleman who
+supported not only the character of a Prefect,
+but an enormous cocked-hat, assured us that
+when we were at home, we groaned under the
+tyranny of a feudal government, which ground
+us to the dust; that our Commonality was
+overridden and harrowed by tax-exacting aristocrats;
+that they died of starvation in heaps;
+that if they dared to call their souls their own,
+the latter were summarily released from their
+bodies by a perambulating police disguised as<span class="pagenum" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</span>
+members of the Royal Humane Society. In
+another scene the same public instructor told
+us, that all Englishmen (of course including
+the starved Commonality) possess enormous
+wealth, which they usually employ in the
+purchase of “<i>Le titre de Lord</i>;”—an unnecessary
+outlay, as every person not a tradesman
+receives the title as a matter of course.
+Yet this avails them little, as the different
+orders of our nobility hold no communication
+with persons of higher or lower rank; our
+national pride preventing the one, and the
+best of all reasons—“because they can’t—”
+the other. Our patricians ride abroad followed
+by armed retainers; nor is any vulgar
+person allowed to come between the wind
+and their nobility: the streets being expressly
+cleared for them by constables. When
+at home, however, seated in a golden chair in
+company with the Spleen, the “jeune Miss,”
+his wife, and a “boulle-dog,” a native of our
+kingdom passes his time chiefly in drinking
+tea with lemon in it, and saying, “Hoh!—Hah!—Yeeas!—Gottam!—and
+ver gut!”</p>
+
+<p>Our ladies are a little too much given
+to fighting, and a little too lightly won. We
+sell our wives. This is a very common mercantile
+transaction indeed. A “pen” of no
+mean dimensions is appropriated in Smithfield
+for the interesting periodical auction.
+Our Queen makes away with many millions a
+year, and cuts off the heads of any persons to
+whom she may take a dislike, or hangs them,
+without the intervention of judge, jury, or
+any other functionary than the executioner,
+who—another Tristan the Hermit—is a
+regular member of the Royal Household.
+We are, however, for the most part, a harmless
+and ridiculous race, affording excellent
+sport to innkeepers and adventurers. We
+eat prodigiously. Indeed so great is our love
+for good cheer, that we name our children
+after our favourite dishes. If a person in
+good society is not called Sir Rosbif, he will
+probably answer to the name of Lord Bifstek—in
+honor of the two great national dishes,
+which we have spelt in that manner from
+time immemorial.</p>
+
+<p>In a pretty piece at the Gymnase in Paris,
+where the Prime Minister of England unfortunately
+ruined himself by speculating in
+Railway shares, a thorough-going English
+servant appeared under that thorough-going<span class="pagenum" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</span>
+English name Tom Bob—the honest fellow
+having been christened Tom, and born the
+lawful son of Mr. and Mrs. Bob. In an Italian
+adaptation of Dumas’ preposterous play of
+“<span class="smcap">Kean</span>,” which we once saw at the great Theatre
+of Genoa, the curtain rose upon that celebrated
+Tragedian, drunk and fast asleep in a
+chair, attired in a dark blouse fastened round
+the waist with a broad belt and a most prodigious
+buckle, and wearing a dark red hat of the
+sugar-loaf shape, nearly three feet high. He
+bore in his hand a champagne-bottle, with
+the label <span class="smcap">Rhum</span>, in large capital letters, carefully
+turned towards the audience; and two
+or three dozen of the same popular liquor
+which we are nationally accustomed to drink
+neat as imported by the half-gallon, ornamented
+the floor of the apartment. Every frequenter
+of the Coal Hole Tavern in the Strand,
+on that occasion, wore a sword and a beard.</p>
+
+<p>Every English lady presented on the stage
+in Italy, wears a green veil; and almost every
+such specimen of our fair countrywomen
+carries a bright red reticule, made in the form
+of a monstrous heart. We do not remember to
+have ever seen an Englishman on the Italian
+stage, or in the Italian Circus, without a
+stomach like Daniel Lambert, an immense
+shirt-frill, and a bunch of watch-seals, each
+several times larger than his watch, though
+the watch itself was an impossible engine.
+And we have rarely beheld this mimic Englishman,
+without seeing present, then and there,
+a score of real Englishmen, sufficiently characteristic
+and unlike the rest of the audience,
+to whom he bore no shadow of resemblance.</p>
+
+<p>These edifying pictures of the English are
+not complete without the finishing touches of
+grotesque absurdity vouchsafed by the actors.
+A few winters ago we were enticed into the
+little theatre of Coblentz by the information
+paraded in large placards on the doors that it
+was “very well warmed;” that Auber’s opera
+of Fra Diavolo was to be played; and that
+the part of Lord Allcash was to be personated
+by a distinguished comic actor. Even while
+we write, his lordship is before our mind’s
+eye, blazingly costumed in a green coat,
+blue inexpressibles, top-boots, a brace of
+yellow handkerchiefs sticking out of either
+pocket, a couple of watches, and a hat with
+a feather in it! Yet, if they do not know
+something of the ordinary appearance of an
+English traveller in Coblentz, where should
+they? He must be at least as well known
+there, as in Devonshire or the Isle of
+Wight.</p>
+
+<p>So, in Brussels, where the English almost
+outnumber the native population, the audiences
+relish a curious amount of ignorance
+respecting England and the English; as
+the dramatis personæ of a piece exhibited
+so recently as last May at the Théâtre St
+Hubert, will show. It was called “<i>La Lectrice,
+ou une folie de jeune homme. Comédie Vaudeville
+en 2 actes</i>, par M. Bazard.” It must have
+had a considerable run; for the play-bill<span class="pagenum" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</span>
+states that M. Ferville had created a great
+sensation in the character of “Sir Cobridge,”
+at Paris. We have some idea that “Sir
+Cobridge” must be intended for the Sleeping
+Partner in a Porter-Brewery, and that the
+name is a dreamy reminiscence of the popular
+individual Sir Co, made easy of remembrance
+by sign-boards. But the first personage we have
+occasion to mention is, “Sir Arthur” (jeune
+officier), who has no other name, and who has
+no occasion for one, everybody calling him
+“my lord,” according (as he observed) to the
+usual form of address in England. Sir
+Arthur considers it the first duty of a British
+officer to insult a respectable blind old
+gentleman—who is moreover his guest—because
+the blind old gentleman ventures to
+insinuate something against one of the officers
+of Sir Arthur’s regiment, through whom
+he has suffered severely. This chivalrous
+young nobleman, disdaining all inquiry into
+the circumstances, at once constitutes himself
+champion of every individual belonging
+to the entire British army. The next personage
+is a young gentleman possessing (as
+<em>he</em> observed) a name extremely common in
+Britain, to wit, “Clac-Own.” The actor of
+this part was fitted up with a wig of violently
+red hair, like a carriage-rug, and was dressed
+in a kind of fusion of an English jockey with
+a French Field-Marshal. Expecting to inherit
+the vast possession of his uncle, Sir
+Cobridge, Clac-Own passed his time, according
+to the custom of Anglican nephews in such
+cases, in giving his uncle to understand how
+extremely inconvenient he finds his society,
+and in informing him that “Shak-es-pair”—who,
+being Sir Cobridge’s favourite author, is
+naturally the avowed bugbear of Clac-Own,—is
+an insufferable bore. This is going too far;
+and the wealthy old gentleman (who has
+quietly submitted to every other species of
+personal insult from his intended heir,) is
+so shocked by this contempt for “Shak-es-pair,”
+that he feels himself compelled to
+sing a song; wherein he demonstrates, in
+the most lucid tira-lal-a-la logic, that Clac-Own
+is very decidedly in the wrong. The
+scena concludes by Sir Cobridge ordering
+Clac-Own off, in some very deep bass notes, to
+“Le Lincoln!”—an idiomatic place of banishment,
+that would appear to be very popular
+among us, though whether it stands for Coventry,
+Bath, Jericho, Halifax, or any other
+such place, we are unable to report. Clac-Own,
+Sir Arthur, and several others having
+assembled at a later stage of the proceedings
+to go out hunting, the Belgian public perceive
+that our usual equipment for that sport is a
+white tailed coat, light blue breeches, patent
+leather hessian boots with brass spurs, a red
+neckerchief—such as one may see whispering
+to the gale in Field Lane or Wapping,—a
+turned-down shirt-collar, a gun, a cutlas, and
+an enormous game pouch. Thus arrayed and
+mounted on the “chevaux fougueux” of our
+island, we pursue and capture the crafty fox.—When<span class="pagenum" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</span>
+we add that Monsieur Bazard, who
+is the author of this singular production, is
+of the opinion of Boiardo, that the English
+have an especial talent for falling off their
+horses—and no wonder, riding across the
+country in such trim!—we have described the
+leading points of this accurate picture.</p>
+
+<p>Most of these distorted views of English life
+originate with the French with whom we have
+had most intercourse, and who ought to know us
+best; but our German and Austrian friends,
+the dramatic caricaturists, have a very hard
+hit at us now and then. Only last month we
+were attracted to the Carl Theatre, in Vienna,
+by one little line in a play-bill, which announced
+a new piece, the English title of
+which is, “The Benefit Night.” Here is the
+line:—</p>
+
+<table>
+<tr><td><span class="serif-font">~=Lord Pudding, ein reisender Englander</span></td>
+ <td><span class="serif-font">Hr. Heese.=~</span></td></tr>
+<tr><td>Lord Pudding, a Travelling Englishman</td><td>Mr. Heese.</td></tr>
+</table>
+
+<p>In rigid obedience to the law, which has
+impressed the names of eatables upon the
+eaters thereof, the author had christened his
+“pock-pudding-Englisher” (to borrow a pleasant
+periphrasis from Scotland), out of the
+pot. Nevertheless “The Benefit Night”—in
+which we think we descry some reflection of
+a very good French vaudeville—is written
+with considerable cleverness and wit. The
+plot was chiefly evolved from the endeavours
+of a manager to obtain the assistance of certain
+eminent “stars” of the profession for
+his benefit. He first presented himself to a
+great singer, who was, of course, afflicted with
+a cold, but who was at length frightened into
+voice by hearing that a rival had already
+agreed to sing his part, and by an assurance
+from the manager that the new singer had
+already taken everybody by storm at the
+rehearsal. A great tragedian the manager
+won by flattery; “the food of gods” being the
+only thing worthy the acceptance of so august
+a personage; and a dancer he bribed by assuring
+her that the wealthy Englishman,
+“Lord Pudding,” would be in the house,
+especially to fall in love with her. He also
+promised a troop of experienced claqueurs to
+applaud her new “pas.”</p>
+
+<p>We were introduced to Lord Pudding, as
+he appeared while indulging in the singular
+fancy of taking a lesson in Elocution from
+a German actor! His personal appearance
+was wonderful to behold. He was much
+stuffed out with wadding to increase his
+natural proportions, and his dress was such
+as the tailors—not only of Pall-Mall and
+St. James’s Street, but of any English
+extraction or habitation whatsoever—would
+see with amaze. It was composed of a
+blue dress coat, with white buttons, a red
+waistcoat, nankeen tights, shoes of polished
+leather, and long brass spurs. His neck-kerchief
+was a bright blue, carrying the eye
+pleasantly up to a very white hat with an
+imperceptible brim. The author appeared
+to have studied the manners of our aristocracy<span class="pagenum" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</span>
+with exceeding diligence; for, to the
+usual peculiarities which may be considered
+the “stock” of Foreign theatricals, he added
+some strikingly original features. Lord Pudding
+was, of course, a lover, and of course an
+unsuccessful one: he was jilted by the French
+dancer. When he danced he was made to
+tumble; when he saluted a lady he gave his
+lips a loud smack. He entered a room like
+a whirlwind, and between his paroxysms of
+“fuss” our usual friendly salutation “<i>Gottam</i>”
+was repeated many times; to the enthusiastic
+delight of the audience, who believed it to be
+a polished sort of “How-d’ ye-do?” He was
+quite the Clown to the Ring; and had the long
+pockets—in which that gentleman usually
+searches for the chalk when it is required for
+the tight-rope—well-filled. Nor was Pudding
+stingy with his money. Despite his hard
+usage by the ballet-lady, he was liberal to the
+manager. Though wrathful, he was of easy
+faith; being readily imposed upon, and peculiarly
+sensible to flattery, by which means he
+was induced to take three boxes for the
+benefit, viz., one for himself; one for the
+policeman who had been in constant attendance
+on him since his arrival, to restrain his
+inveterate propensity for knocking down the
+lieges of the city (so intense was his love for
+“the boaks;”) the third for the exclusive occupation
+of ——, his boulle-dog! One or two
+little touches, which distinguished his lordship,
+showed that the actor was, at least, an
+observer. Such were, the hat pushed back
+from the crimson forehead, the heavy rolling
+walk, and a strenuous objection to be kissed—all
+particularly English.</p>
+
+<p>Other specimens of the genus we had previously
+seen, however, showed that Lord
+Pudding was a very fair example of an
+English gentleman on the German stage.</p>
+
+<p>We cannot but believe that though
+amusing, these caricatures—exhibited as they
+are to ignorant and prejudiced minds—tend
+to confound the just relations between one
+people and another. Perhaps friendly Excursions
+on both sides of the channel may do
+much to lessen these absurdities. Unfortunately—as
+recent publications too well
+prove—the mistaken estimate of the English
+is by no means corrected by the graver
+works now and then put forth by distinguished
+men. Highly as we esteem M. Guizot
+and some Frenchmen of real attainments, who
+have written upon England, we have never
+taken up a book on the subject without painful
+disappointment, or without seeing in it
+errors almost equal to M. Ledru Rollin’s more
+recent incongruities.</p>
+
+<p>To the honour of our modern English authors
+be it spoken, they have been zealous to avoid
+such ridiculous mistakes. It is true that the
+harmless old legends respecting Foreigners—that
+nine-tenths of them are Frenchmen; that
+all are of very slender proportions in figure;
+that their staple diet is frogs; and that, despite
+Alison’s and every other History of Europe,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</span>
+they very much prefer to dance than to
+fight; together with other popular delusions—still
+linger in the minds of some of our
+bold peasantry and milder cockneys; but it
+is to be hoped, after many years of peace and
+better sense, that we may now claim for
+the majority of even an under-educated British
+public, a more correct knowledge of the
+personnel and manners of our Continental
+neighbours, than our Continental neighbours
+manifestly have of us. The very foible of
+Lord Pudding himself—that of being a <em>travelling</em>
+Englishman—would defend him from
+such blunders as the literary Frankenstein
+who gave life to the monster, has fallen into.
+Travelling Englishmen are common abroad,
+who speak foreign languages, and understand
+foreign customs, extremely well. There are
+many of our travellers whom we should be
+very glad to improve: and thanks to railways,
+and to our possession of some—though not
+very much—of the wealth which the foreign
+dramatic and fictionist artists so liberally
+attribute to us, we are rapidly polishing off
+the rust of national prejudice, and ignorance
+of our brethren abroad. Should an English
+author or actor be guilty of such laughable
+mistakes about foreigners as those we have
+pointed out, woe unutterable would alight on
+his ignorant head.</p>
+
+<p>Every sort of attraction which brings people
+of different nations, and even of different
+counties, together—whether it be a German
+wool fair, a music meeting, or a Swiss shooting-match—smooths
+away the acerbities of caste,
+and strengthens the sympathies of individuals.
+Let us, therefore, hope that the myriads of
+exotics which will be attracted next year to
+the Great Industrial Conservatory in Hyde
+Park, will receive new vigour and fresh intelligence
+from their temporary transplantation;
+that they will learn that Englishmen and
+English women are not quite the monstrosities
+they at present appear to believe them.
+Foreigners will then have the advantage of
+seeing us at home, and in a mass; and will
+thenceforth cease to judge us by those follies
+which they observe in a few idle tourists
+from these islands. They will see us as we
+are, reciprocating what we believe to be the
+general desire here, in reference to them.</p>
+
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+<h2 class="nobreak" id="THE_STEAM_PLOUGH">THE STEAM PLOUGH.</h2>
+</div>
+
+
+<p>When the first experiments were being
+made with the Hay-making Machine, now
+commonly used in some parts of the country,
+it happened that Shelley, Mrs. Shelley, and
+Peacock, the author of “Crotchet Castle,”
+“Headlong Hall,” and other works of pungent
+erudition, were walking through a field
+where this strange-looking machine was in
+operation. Instead of the pleasant sight of
+the rustic men and women with their
+forks and rakes—a scene so full of indelible
+associations, from childhood upwards—they
+saw this quaint monster rolling round the<span class="pagenum" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</span>
+field over the long swathes of hay, its rotatory
+forks, or rather fingers on wheels,
+flinging up the hay on all sides as it went
+spinning onwards. Meditating on the effect,
+if successful, this would, some day, have
+on the vast numbers of poor people in
+England, to say nothing of the summer
+invasions of Irish—whose sole dependence
+for the year is the money they make in the
+English hay-season—Shelley and the others
+walked onwards, and left the field. Presently
+they met a clownish fellow, who was looking
+intently at the whirling and whisking performance
+of the round-about machine in the
+hay-field. Shelley, having no objection to
+find, in the then adjusted state of society
+with regard to the labouring classes, that
+this machine was a failure, said to the clown,
+in a sort of half contemptuous tone—“Now,
+tell me,—does that thing answer at all?”
+The fellow looked Shelley full in the face—“It
+answers a deuced deal too well,” said
+he; “I wish it was working in the inside of
+him that made it!”</p>
+
+<p>In this very unsophisticated reply, how
+vast a question is comprised! But into it
+we cannot now enter; our present business is
+how to plough by steam; and the smoke
+from the “nostrils” of a variety of elegant
+ploughs, of various horse-and-man powers, is
+already inviting our attention. Truly, it requires
+one to take one’s breath before commencing
+the examination!</p>
+
+<p>Old Hesiod, in the second book of his
+“Works and Days,” after giving particular
+directions for the selection of the wood, as to
+its natural qualities and form, and also its
+suitability to an artificial curve, gravely
+shakes his venerable head, and says—</p>
+
+<p>
+“To make a plough, great is the expense and care.”<br>
+</p>
+
+<p>Virgil, following his great progenitor, enters
+with still more minute precision into the details
+of the selection of the wood and its
+manufacture into a plough, adding, that he
+can “recite to you many precepts of the
+ancients—unless you decline them.”</p>
+
+<p>Well, then, to be frank with antiquity, and
+all its great poets and philosophers, the present
+age fairly announces by its practices, that
+it <em>does</em> decline, not only the precepts but the
+example of the ancients, especially in agricultural
+matters.</p>
+
+<p>The last and not the least important innovation
+on agricultural labour has yet to be
+consummated; and it would seem from two
+large plates, with explanatory remarks, which
+have been recently published by Lord Willoughby
+de Eresby, that a monster innovation
+is not very distant;—no less than
+“Ploughing by Steam.” All great inventions
+are the result of gradual improvement on a
+first idea; and an examination of these plates
+naturally induces us to take a cursory view
+of what has previously been attempted, and
+done, in this way.</p>
+
+<p>Not wishing to go back to the “dawning<span class="pagenum" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</span>
+idea” of a steam-plough, (for the problem was
+started some fifty years ago), we will begin
+with taking a look at Mr. Etzler’s “Iron
+Slave.” This was invented by a German, and
+constructed by an Oxfordshire engineer. A
+public trial of the Iron Slave was made
+in October 1845. A few signal shots were
+fired at day-break, the church-bells were set
+to ring a merry peal, and all the inhabitants
+of Bicester and Blackthorn came pouring out
+into the fields to witness the steam-performance
+of the newly discovered agricultural serf.
+Booths were erected, and the spectators made
+a long morning’s holiday while the Slave did
+his ploughing; and hoped that his success
+would lead, as it ought, to many other
+morning holidays. The most important result
+of this first trial was the establishment
+of a new mechanical principle, <i>viz</i>.,
+“the transmission of power from a fixed
+point to a moving point, going in arbitrary
+directions at the will of one man at the
+steering wheel.” This, it seems, had been
+thought impossible by many scientific engineers.
+The engine was intended to move
+and do its work at the rate of three miles an
+hour; but whether the Iron Slave had not
+had his proper breakfast of coals, nor time
+enough to digest them into steam, or some
+part of his inside was a little out of order, was
+not accurately discovered; but certain it is
+that he could not plough fast enough. In
+other respects everybody was satisfied that
+steam-ploughing was a practicable thing.</p>
+
+<p>In 1847, Mr. John T. Osborne, of Demerara,
+took out a patent for a steam-plough,
+the chief improvement (or distinguishing
+peculiarity—we must be cautious in the
+use of the word improvement,) on all previous
+attempts, being the employment of two
+engines and two ploughs, for one course of
+ploughing. While one plough was working
+in a given direction, and laying down the
+chain or rope by which it is to be worked
+back to the side from which it started—the
+other plough was performing a similar course
+in the reverse direction. When both had
+each traversed the ground once, the engines
+were removed forward the breadth of one
+furrow, by means of a chain or rope; one end
+of which was attached to an anchor fixed in
+the ground a-head.</p>
+
+<p>Another Mr. Osborn, in 1848, tried some
+experiments near Stratford, in Essex, with a
+locomotive steam-engine, constructed for agricultural
+works in general, and for ploughing
+more especially. He appears to have taken
+out his patent in conjunction with Mr. Andrew
+Smith’s wire-rope—a manufacture of extraordinary
+strength. In the first trial, a pair of these
+peculiarly constructed locomotives was placed
+opposite each other—about one hundred and
+twenty yards apart—with a sufficient length of
+wire-rope between them. Although not successful,
+it demonstrated a novel fact as between
+the comparative draught by horses, and by
+a long rope, showing that the condition of the<span class="pagenum" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</span>
+modes differ in a very marked way; the
+horse draught being upwards, and exercising
+a direct control by its proximity to the plough;
+whereas, the draught by steam-power and a
+rope was downwards, distant, and exercised
+no direct control over the plough. Hence
+this experiment, though unsuccessful, was instructive,
+and therefore to be valued as a
+good contribution to knowledge. Other trials
+were subsequently made by Mr. Osborn with
+a locomotive engine of ten horse power, and
+the ploughing was well done; fully settling
+the question of practicability, but leaving
+doubts in the minds of many on the important
+question of economy.</p>
+
+<p>“These engines,” says a writer in the
+Mechanics’ Magazine, “possess great advantages
+in being applicable to thrashing, and
+other agricultural purposes, and can be moved
+from farm to farm, and from field to field,
+with the greatest facility.” No doubt of it.
+We see what will soon happen. Thrashing,
+and <em>many other</em> agricultural purposes! The
+great farmers, once in possession of the talisman
+of a steam-plough, will never rest till they
+make it applicable to all sorts of operations.
+Already almost every farmer in Scotland is
+provided with a stationary steam-engine; a
+locomotive that can turn—not its hands—but
+its wheels to anything, is now his only
+other thing needful. In the specification of
+the very first of these ploughs—Etzler’s Iron
+Slave—it is distinctly stated that, although
+the machine is intended for ploughing, yet
+the Slave will be ready at all times to devote
+his energies and skill to “sowing, and
+reaping; and also to making canals, roads,
+tunnels,” &amp;c. Exactly so! After we have
+ploughed, sowed, reaped, and thrashed by
+steam, we shall soon find turnips hoed, carrots
+drawn, beans plucked up, dried, carted, and
+stacked; sheep sheared, cows milked, butter
+churned, cheese pressed, pigs transformed into
+pork, and pork into gammons, by the same
+omnipotent agency. Hatching eggs by steam
+is already an old story.</p>
+
+<p>A patent for a new steam-plough was
+taken out in January of the present year by
+Mr. James Usher of Edinburgh; and another
+in June, by Messrs. Calloway and Purkiss.
+The peculiarity of the former consists in
+mounting “a series of ploughs in the same
+plane round an axis, so that the ploughs shall
+successively come into action;” and secondly,
+in applying power to give a rotary motion
+to the series, “so that the resistance of the
+earth to the ploughs, as they enter and travel
+through the earth, shall <em>cause the machine</em>
+to be <em>propelled</em>”—instead of motion being
+communicated to the machine from the
+wheels which run on the land. The other
+invention—that of Messrs. Calloway and
+Purkiss—mainly consists of a number of
+chains working round a wheel, and fitted on
+the outside with ploughshares. Rotary motion
+is communicated by a locomotive.</p>
+
+<p>“I consider,” says Sir Abel Handy, in the<span class="pagenum" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</span>
+comedy of Speed the Plough, “that a healthy
+young man between the handles of a plough,
+is one of the noblest illustrations of the prosperity
+of Britain.” But shortly after saying
+this, Sir Abel invents a splendid curricle
+plough drawn by high-bred Leicestershire
+horses; who set off at full gallop with the
+plough at their heels over hill and dale, and
+instead of doing the allotted work a-field, they
+rush about at random, ploughing up Salisbury
+Plain. What would Sir Abel have said to
+Sir Willoughby de Eresby’s snorting steam-horse,
+perfectly under control?</p>
+
+<p>His machinery consists of a locomotive
+engine, weighing only three-and-a-half tons,
+and of a twenty-six horse power. It was
+designed by Mr. Gooch. It has a double
+capstan attached, “removable, when the engine
+is required for other purposes.” His lordship
+does not indicate any of these; but we may
+fairly imagine that his farm-engine will possess
+the same versatile genius as the inventions
+which have preceded it. His description
+of this machinery is very brief, clear,
+and without the use of any technical terms.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot">
+
+<p>“The engine moves across the centre of the field
+on a light, portable railway. The ploughs
+advance and recede on either side of the railway,
+at right angles to it.</p>
+
+<p>“The ploughs employed consist of four ordinary,
+and four subsoil ploughs, fixed in a frame.
+It is directed by a person standing upon a small
+platform.</p>
+
+<p>“Two such ploughs, one on either side the
+railway, alternately advance and recede; the advancing
+plough working, the other idle until it
+regains its proper position for ploughing the next
+four furrows. On the completion of the four
+furrows both ways, the engine and side frames
+advance each three feet.</p>
+
+<p>“The ploughs are attached to an endless chain,
+one hundred and fifty yards in length. They can
+be detached at pleasure, or shifted from one side
+of the chain to the other. They travel at the
+rate of <em>five miles an hour</em>. Provision is made in
+case they strike against any impediment.”</p>
+</div>
+
+<p>Arrangements are also made to suit irregularly
+shaped fields. The full power of the
+engine is not exerted with the ploughs, as
+thus described; and the number of blades
+can be increased if desirable. And now for
+the next statement, which brings us to a most
+important consideration.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot">
+
+<p>“In the present state of things, it is difficult to
+form a correct estimate of the value of the invention
+in a commercial point of view. I will only
+say that a machine of the power, and with the
+arrangement described, would perform the work
+usually done by <em>sixteen</em> ploughs, driven by as many
+men, and drawn by thirty-two horses. Requiring
+itself the attendance of eight men, and a horse to
+draw the water for the engine, it would thus save
+the labour of thirty-one horses and eight men.
+Against this must be set an expense of five shillings
+a day for coals.”</p>
+</div>
+
+<p>In examining the question of economy in
+the use of steam-power instead of horses, we<span class="pagenum" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</span>
+shall obtain valuable assistance from a paper
+addressed to Mr. J. T. Osborne, of Demerara,
+by the Council of the Highland Society. This
+paper sets the period of the productive labour
+of a horse against the unproductive period
+necessary for its rest, and exhibits results of
+a startling kind. Horses are fed and tended
+three hundred and sixty-five days of twenty-four
+hours, or eight thousand seven hundred
+and sixty hours in the year. But they work
+only three hundred days, of about eight hours,
+taking the average, or two thousand four
+hundred hours a year. Thus we have a clear
+loss of six thousand three hundred and sixty
+hours of unproductive feeding and tending.
+It may be argued, that they are not fed and
+tended throughout the night, and therefore
+there is no such loss as the figures displayed
+by the Highland Society; but they are fed
+and tended enough to suffice them during the
+night, for which no compensating work is
+performed, so that it comes, we think, to
+nearly the same thing.</p>
+
+<p>According to McCulloch, there are about
+one million two hundred thousand agricultural
+horses employed in Great Britain, which, at
+twenty-five pounds per head for maintenance,
+amounts to thirty millions sterling per annum
+for their keep. The unproductive portion,
+therefore, he finds amounting to the enormous
+sum of twenty-one millions seven hundred
+and eighty-five thousand three hundred and
+six pounds. It will be seen that this estimate
+is founded on the previous figures displaying
+the number of hours of feeding and tendence,
+compared with the number of hours’ work,
+and the consequent loss of six thousand
+three hundred and sixty hours. The only
+compensation for this loss of hours, represented
+by the above sum of upwards of
+twenty-one millions sterling, is in the value
+of the manure, which is thus produced at too
+great a cost.</p>
+
+<p>“There are insuperable difficulties,” writes
+the Council of the Highland Society, “attending
+the employment of vital power;
+but mechanical power puts forth its energy
+when called for—it can be regulated, and, at
+pleasure, stopped. If it is desired to occupy
+the entire hours of daylight—to extend the
+field of operations—to work up more raw
+material—the energy of the animal ceases after
+a time; but not so that of the machine. The
+longest hours of summer may be advantageously
+employed.” And why not in the
+shortest nights of winter also? Could not
+steam-ploughs be made to carry their own
+lights with Hale Thomson’s patent silvered-glass
+reflectors, like other locomotives?</p>
+
+<p>The next sentence brings us full-butt against
+the corner-stone of our social edifice, and moots
+the question as to the effect of machinery in
+increasing the demand for human labour:—“Were
+the whole period of daylight industriously
+employed in the most effective manner—that
+is, by the employment of machinery—the
+demand for human labour would be augmented<span class="pagenum" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</span>
+in the exact ratio of the increased time,
+multiplied by the augmented force of the
+machinery.”</p>
+
+<p>“Be fruitful and multiply,” said the God
+of Nature;—“You must be starved, if you
+do!” say the beldame economists. Meantime,
+an immense proportion of the habitable
+and fertile earth lies quite uncultivated, the
+vast seas are full of prolific food, and the land
+which <em>is</em> cultivated, is not made the most of.
+The art of tilling has not kept pace with other
+improvements. Before the wonders of steam
+appeared in the world there was occasionally a
+random attempt to introduce some improvement
+in tillage, but the experiments originated
+in a wish rather than in any definite plan, and
+were of course a failure and an absurdity. Dean
+Swift brought his pungent satire to bear upon
+these attempts, in his account of the grand
+Academy of Lagado, Mr. Lemuel Gulliver
+says he was highly pleased with a projector
+who had discovered a plan for turning up the
+ground with hogs, to save the charge of
+ploughs, cattle, and labour. The method was
+beautifully simple. In a given field you bury
+at six inches distance, and eight inches deep,
+a quantity of acorns in long rows. You then
+drive six hundred hogs into the field, who, in
+search of the food they most love, will root
+or plough up the whole into furrows, with
+their snouts. The absurdities committed soon
+led to a cessation of all mere experiments,
+until at length came steam-engines, and
+thence, in due course, the dream of a steam-plough.
+This dream we are peradventure
+about to see realised in a few months; and
+then, though our million of agricultural
+horses will be diminished, our fine breed of
+Yorkshire and Lancashire ploughmen will
+not be thinned; any more than spinning and
+weaving machinery exterminated—as was
+awfully predicted it would—our army of
+spinners and weavers.</p>
+
+<p>“I was bred to the plough,” said Robert
+Burns, when addressing a letter to the wealthy
+gentlemen of the Ayrshire Hunt:—“I am independent;”
+but it may turn out that the
+plough of old will soon be a sorry thing to
+depend upon. We are rather reminded of the
+Prologue to Chaucer’s “Ploughman Tale,”
+though he could have had no anticipation
+that his cessation from this labour would be
+final.</p>
+
+<div class="poetry-container">
+<div class="poetry">
+  <div class="stanza">
+    <div class="verse indent0">“The Ploughman pluckéd up his plough,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent2">When Midsomer moon was comen in,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">And saied his beasts should eat ynowe,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent2">And lye in the grasse up to the chin.</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">He shook off shere, and coulter off drowe,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent2">And hongéd his harnis on a pin.”</div>
+  </div>
+</div>
+</div>
+
+<p>“Our strongest hope for the improvement
+of our social condition,” says Miss Martineau,
+“lies in the directing of intelligence full upon
+the cultivation of the soil.” The more the
+powers of science are brought to bear upon the
+tillage of the earth, and the production and
+manufacture of food, the greater will be the<span class="pagenum" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</span>
+number benefited, and the more speedily will
+Miss Martineau’s axiom be verified. Cordially
+coinciding with that lady, we wish all success
+to the important undertaking of Lord Willoughby
+de Eresby, and shall be glad to find
+he accomplishes and establishes what has
+hitherto been confined to experimental trials.</p>
+
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+<h2 class="nobreak" id="A_SACRED_GROVE">A SACRED GROVE.</h2>
+</div>
+
+
+<div class="poetry-container">
+<div class="poetry">
+  <div class="stanza">
+    <div class="verse indent0">Here Silence is the queen of time; her hand</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Is raised—and the tide trembles to a pause.</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Beauty, too awful to be loved, awakes</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">And spell-binds Man’s repose. The sunken sun,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Whose mantle’s gold is melted in the tint</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Of evening’s purple sadness, near the west</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Lingers awhile, as loth to quit the scene.</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Yet ’tis not sadness all; for though the trees,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Heavy with cumbrous melancholy, sweep</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Their sombre-foliaged boughs close to the grass,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">And solemn twilight peers between the trunks,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Tinging the dome of yonder vacant fane—</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">O’er all a spirit of subdued emotion</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Breathes in pathetic sweetness, deep diffused.</div>
+  </div>
+  <div class="stanza">
+    <div class="verse indent2">In this dim palace of grey Solitude,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Where not a sigh wafts o’er the lily’s urn,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">And nought, save marble forms of tenderest grace,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">With pensive attitude stand in lone bowers—</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">The heart, upheaving into the fresh air,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Itself abandons to the scene, and claims</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Kindred with placid Death, and those lost hopes</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">That lived around the loved ones, now no more.</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Their tombs smile pale beneath these cypress boughs,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Heavy with memory of all the past.</div>
+  </div>
+  <div class="stanza">
+    <div class="verse indent2">Moveless I stand before these moveless trees—</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Breathless as those broad boughs; and gazing thus,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">At the dark foliage imaged in the pools,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Which deepen, as the brooding mind surveys</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Their trance and awful beauty; ’tis a scene</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">That lures us backward to an elder time,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Through ages dim—and, thence, into a realm</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Whose secret influence fills us with its soul—</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Shadows of things which are not of the world,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">And hopes that burn, yet find no vent save tears.</div>
+  </div>
+</div>
+</div>
+
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+<h2 class="nobreak" id="CAPE_SKETCHES">“CAPE” SKETCHES.</h2>
+</div>
+
+
+<p>Cape Wants are neither peculiar nor numerous.
+Captain Smoke, in Jerrold’s comedy
+of “Bubbles of the Day,” confides to his friend,
+Lord Skindeep, that he is “terribly in want
+of a thousand pounds.” The reply is “You
+may take it as a general rule, Captain Smoke,
+that <em>every man</em> wants a thousand pounds.”
+As with men so with Colonies. The sun never
+sets upon one of the dependencies of Great
+Britain, young or old, which would not be the
+better for a thousand pounds. Our Colonies
+feel, however, another want;—it is for
+something to which the Smokes of the old
+country show a very marked aversion; and
+that is labour. “Capital and labour!” is a
+cry which reaches us from every quarter of
+the earth. The demand does not resound so
+loudly perhaps from the Cape as from other
+and newer Colonies; but the want of the
+first necessities of enterprise, civilisation, and<span class="pagenum" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</span>
+progress is not the less felt. Any sort of
+European labour (except convict labour), any
+kind of capital, is welcome in our South African
+dependencies; and in the long run “pays.”</p>
+
+<p>As to Capital; men with from two thousand
+pounds to ten thousand pounds will
+find plenty of most profitable employment for
+their money. The Colony has innumerable
+resources—amongst them I may mention her
+fisheries and her mineral treasures. The
+former produce a large revenue even now,
+though carried on, from want of enterprise
+and capital, in the most unsystematic and
+slovenly manner. Of minerals there is
+abundance; ore in many places actually lying
+on the surface. The assegais (or spears) of
+the Kafirs are all made of iron, smelted and
+welded by themselves; while recent travellers
+from the northernmost extremity of the
+Colony bring accounts of innumerable implements
+in use among the savage tribes there,
+formed of iron of their own manufacture.
+Copper and lead have been discovered within
+fifteen miles of Algoa Bay.</p>
+
+<p>But such riches remain utterly unproductive
+without facile means of transport, and a great
+want in the Colony is good roads. Of course,
+want of labour is the cause of this deficiency,
+which is, however, being slowly remedied by
+the local government. Whether the Cape
+Colonists were wise in rejecting the convicts,
+so kindly proffered to them by Lord Grey,
+I shall not presume to opine, because I have a
+notion that everybody knows their own business
+best; but we must not forget that New
+South Wales owes the blessing of her good
+roads to what was, it must be admitted, in
+other respects, a great curse to her—the
+bands of convicts the Colonial Office were so
+obliging as to send her.</p>
+
+<p>Before I dilate on the greatest of all colonial
+wants, I will mention what the Cape of Good
+Hope does <em>not</em> want; namely, young gentlemen
+with white hands and empty pockets,
+of no profession, and with very extensive notions
+of refinement. She does not require
+martinet “half-pays,” who know more of
+pipe-clay than of soils, and more of killing
+than of breeding and fattening. Fine ladies,
+who are proficient pianistes, and do not understand
+poultry, she is much better without.
+What she <em>does</em> require, are:—In the towns,
+mechanics and artisans of all kinds; in the
+country, good farmers and sturdy dames,
+shepherds and agricultural labourers; in both,
+domestic servants, male and female. For all
+these the Cape is open, and it offers them
+first-rate livelihoods, abundance of food of
+the best description, and a climate which the
+returns taken of the mortality among the
+troops prove to be amongst the healthiest in
+all Her Majesty’s world-wide dominions. The
+Colony has also one great advantage over
+Australia—it is ten thousand miles nearer to
+England.</p>
+
+<p>Want the third in point of importance is a
+change in the present system of selecting<span class="pagenum" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</span>
+Colonial Governors. Were we to choose Generals
+to lead our armies—not from soldiers
+trained to arms and distinguished in the field—but
+from decayed statesmen, who had “never
+set a squadron in the field,” nor even handled
+a sword; would not our enemies not only
+beat us, but laugh at us? Yet conversely
+we commit precisely this absurdity: we
+“reward” meritorious Generals by appointing
+them Governors; of whose duties they are,
+as a rule, as ignorant as a Lord of the
+Treasury is of fortification. The Governor of
+a Colony, as the representative of the highest
+power in the Empire, is required to fulfil the
+highest civil functions; to conduct the most
+difficult and delicate negotiations; and we
+select a brave old General, who hardly knows
+the geography of his government; is profoundly
+ignorant of the habits and requirements
+of its people; who never even pretended
+to statesmanship, and either commits himself
+to something so rash that it makes everybody
+angry, or to something so silly that it makes
+everybody laugh.</p>
+
+<hr class="tb">
+
+<p>In Education, England might take a lesson
+from her South African dependency—it is
+in the education of the people. Government
+schools are established in every town,
+and almost every village of the Colony, open
+to children of all classes and all creeds, and
+free of all expense. They are presided over
+by intelligent teachers, chiefly selected from
+the Scotch Universities, and truly their
+pupils do these gentlemen infinite credit. I
+do not hesitate to say, that the rising generation
+of the Cape Colony will be the best
+educated men of their class in all the British
+Empire. It is to Dr. Jones, the former
+President of the South African College, in
+Cape Town, that the colony is indebted for
+this invaluable boon. Even the population
+in the far interior are better off in this
+respect than the children of our English
+peasantry. Thanks to the energy of Campbell,
+Latrobe, Moffat, and other energetic,
+common-sense, as well as pious, members of
+the Missionary Society; the children of the
+Hottentots, Griquas, and even of some of the
+Bechuanas, are fast being brought into the pale
+of civilisation by attendance at the schools
+established by those gentlemen. Some of the
+offspring of English parents in the “interior”
+of England, have no such schools to attend.</p>
+
+<hr class="tb">
+
+<p>Sheep Farming is, perhaps, the best and
+most profitable occupation at the Cape. It is
+far better than agriculture, and better than
+cattle farming, for the following reasons. The
+great deficiency of the colony is the want of
+sufficient water for irrigation. Wherever
+this want is not felt, all kinds of grain may be
+raised with profit, and Cape wheat is universally
+pronounced to be the finest in the world.
+But the farms, or portions of farms, on which
+it can be grown are few and far between.
+Nor is this the only drawback to agriculture;<span class="pagenum" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</span>
+the farmer has two other dire enemies to contend
+with. The one is the blight or “smut,”
+which is very common; and frequently destroys
+whole crops. Two young friends of
+mine hired a farm in partnership, and, in
+spite of the warnings of more experienced
+persons, determined to turn their principal
+attention to agriculture. They went to great
+expense in the purchase of agricultural implements,
+paid the highest wages for labourers,
+and worked with their own hands as hard as
+any ploughman in England. They raised a
+magnificent crop, and began to indulge a
+sweet reverie on the “Dollars” it was to
+bring them. Alas, the “smut” came, and
+the beautiful crop was destroyed, while not
+one solitary dollar found its way into the
+young farmers’ pockets. Disappointed, but
+not disheartened, they set to work again, and
+next year with precisely the same result.
+Luckily they were prudent fellows, and had
+neither been personally extravagant, nor sunk
+all their money in one enterprise. They, therefore,
+purchased some sheep, cattle, and horses,
+and only cultivated a very <em>small portion</em> of
+their farm; and now they are among the
+most prosperous farmers in the Colony.</p>
+
+<p>Another enemy of the agriculturist at the
+Cape, not less destructive than the former,
+though less frequent in his attacks, is the
+locust. Till I went to the Cape, I never had
+a clear conception of the mischief that could
+be done by this one of the “Plagues of Egypt.”
+They came always in clouds, and fly <em>with</em> the
+wind. I am almost afraid to describe their
+numbers. I have seen the air as full of these
+creatures as of the flakes of snow in a heavy
+snow-storm—in fact, literally “raining locusts.”
+I have been obliged to turn back on a journey
+from the impossibility of getting my horse to
+face them when driven against us by the wind.
+I have seen immense plains one day covered
+with grass, corn, and gardens; and the next
+day left, after a visit of locusts, without one
+solitary blade of verdure on any part of them.
+I have seen millions of these insects driven by
+the wind into the sea at Algoa Bay, and
+washed on shore in such heaps, that their
+bodies decaying have become so offensive as
+to oblige the authorities of the town to employ
+all the Coolies in the place in burying them.
+Think of all this, grumbling farmers of
+England. What corn-laws could afford you
+“protection” against such an importation?
+Still, I must add that during my five years’
+residence at the Cape, I can only recall three
+visits of these pests; nor must it be supposed
+that they at any time spread over the whole
+Colony. When they visit a sheep or cattle
+farm, the owner has, of course, no other
+alternative than to move his stock to some
+place which they have not visited.</p>
+
+<p>Cattle are profitable stock at the Cape;
+but no Englishman seems to like them so well
+as sheep. Besides, it occasionally happens
+that, in a fit of caprice, every Hottentot
+labourer on your farm will leave you in a day,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</span>
+and you will have to be your own herdsman.
+This is comparatively nothing with sheep;
+but if you had a couple of hundred cows that
+wanted milking you would be rather in a “fix.”</p>
+
+<p>Horses are also a profitable stock, and far
+more suited to English taste. But the “returns”
+are necessarily slow; and few men
+can afford to wait three years for their profits.</p>
+
+<p>Sheep are the best. Here is one example,
+by no means extraordinary, but forming an
+average sample of the fruits of sheep-farming:—A
+gentleman who was reading for the
+Church, at Cambridge, found that his health
+would not allow him to continue his studies;
+he emigrated to Algoa Bay, with a capital of
+about two thousand five hundred pounds. He
+wisely listened to good advice in the selection of
+a farm and the purchase of his stock of sheep.
+At the end of three years I visited him, and
+we talked about sheep-farming, which was
+then in a bad condition. I was expressing
+my wonder that so many sheep-farmers had
+lately been “sold up;” and this was his
+reply, “What else could you expect? Half
+of them come out here without one farthing
+of capital. They hire a farm; buy stock on
+credit (for two or three years), live on the
+sale of the wool and also on credit—for they
+live ‘like fighting-cocks’—and then when
+pay-day comes at last, they, of course, have
+not a sixpence. But, look at my own case:
+I have been here three years; my wool
+fetches double the price that it did the first
+year; my stock is just doubled in number
+and vastly improved in quality; I have lived
+in as much comfort as I require in the meantime;
+and I don’t owe a sixpence.”</p>
+
+<p>The life of a Cape farmer is necessarily
+solitary. His nearest neighbour is probably
+seven miles off, and his only daily companions
+are his stock and his labourers. A visitor
+(especially if he come from one of the Towns)
+is a veritable Godsend; and is safe to be
+welcome as long as he chooses to remain.
+He may ride his host’s horses and shoot or
+hunt his game, smoke his pipes, and drink his
+“Cape Smoke,”<a id="FNanchor_1" href="#Footnote_1" class="fnanchor">[A]</a> as long as he pleases. But
+he must be contented with very rough fare.
+Mutton and goats’ flesh, meal-cakes (very
+similar, I fancy, to those which King Alfred
+burnt), Indian corn, and badly-made coffee,
+will form the staple articles of his food. He
+will sleep on a home-made sofa with goatskins
+for blankets, in a room with a mud
+floor, and very probably no ceiling but the
+thatch roof. The house will most likely be
+built of lath and plaster, and look far more
+like the stable of a third-rate country inn
+than a gentleman’s residence. Yet the host is
+often a highly educated and sensible man,
+fighting his way to competence, living a comparatively
+easy life, and, if unblessed with
+luxuries, at least unharassed by cares, save
+when an occasional wolf (or rather hyæna)
+makes a night assault on his homestead.</p>
+
+<div class="footnote">
+
+<p><a id="Footnote_1" href="#FNanchor_1" class="label">[A]</a> Cape Brandy.</p>
+
+</div>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</span></p>
+
+<p>Of the Cape Trade, the most peculiar and
+profitable branch is that with the native
+tribes. At present it is carried on in the
+most primitive style. A trader will load a
+couple of waggons with such goods as are
+likely to sell among savages. Coarse cloth,
+smart Manchester printed calicoes, blankets,
+beads, brass curtain-rings (worn by the natives
+as ornaments on their arms), soldiers’ jackets,
+wide-awake hats, &amp;c. With this load he will
+proceed across the colonial boundary, and
+penetrate as far as he pleases into the interior,
+calling where experience has shown him he is
+likely to find customers, and selling his goods
+like a hawker, or “Cheap Jack,” in England.
+But he seldom obtains <em>money</em> for his goods,—nor
+does he wish for it. He gets ivory,
+ostrich feathers, wild-beast skins, horns, and,
+in fact, all the rarest trophies of the chase.
+With these he reloads his waggons for his
+return home, and reaches the Colony after,
+perhaps, six or eight months’ absence, with a
+load which fetches him at once, seven or eight
+hundred—sometimes a thousand—pounds in
+exchange for his outlay of one hundred and
+fifty pounds.</p>
+
+<p>It seems clear that the establishment of
+trading stations in the interior of Southern
+Africa would be most profitable to the projectors,
+and most advantageous to the native
+tribes, by accustoming them to the sights and
+habits of a civilised life.</p>
+
+<p>The shopkeepers are rather jealous of the
+merchants at the Cape. The latter are very
+often so undignified as to sell a dozen pair of
+stockings or a single hat, to the exceeding
+disgust of retailers.</p>
+
+<p>A Cape shop is a curiosity. It strikes a
+man as odd, to buy his boots and his cheese,
+or his hat and his sugar, at the same shop,—still
+more odd to purchase his wife a Chinese
+shawl and his child a peg-top in the same
+establishment.</p>
+
+<hr class="tb">
+
+<p>The Wild Sports of South Africa have
+been celebrated by many a writer, from Major
+Cornwallis Harris down to Mr. Gordon Cumming.
+For large game the country is perhaps
+the finest sporting ground in the world.
+People come even from India to hunt the
+lion and the buffalo, the rhinoceros and the
+hippopotamus, the elephant, the giraffe, and
+the innumerable varieties of wild deer, from
+the delicate and graceful springbok to the
+heavy and powerful gnu. Some of the most
+dreaded amongst them are not nearly so terrible
+as travellers’ tales would persuade “the
+gentlemen of England who sit at home at ease.”</p>
+
+<p>On one occasion I was riding through a
+wood, with a single companion; we were on
+a journey, and quite unarmed. At a little
+open space in the woods we dismounted and
+knee-haltered our horses to let them feed,
+while we lazily stretched ourselves under a
+tree, and “took a pull” at our pocket-pistols,
+loaded with Cognac. A slight rustling sound
+was heard above our heads, and down came<span class="pagenum" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</span>
+something to the ground in front of us. It
+was a fine, full-grown, handsome leopard, who
+coolly turned round and stared us in the face.
+I very much doubt whether two respectable
+young gentlemen ever felt in a greater fright
+than my friend and myself at that moment.
+The unwelcome visitor, however, merely
+wagged his tail, and having apparently satisfied
+his curiosity as to our personal appearance,
+trotted quietly off into the woods.
+Without uttering a word we each drew a
+long breath, took another pull at the <i>eau-de-vie</i>,
+caught our horses, and put as many miles
+as we could in a few minutes between ourselves
+and that same wood.</p>
+
+<p>The lion can even be companionable. Major
+Nicholson occupies a farm near the north-east
+boundary of the Colony. He is a great
+sportsman, and goes out alone to look after a
+lion with as much unconcern as a Regent
+Street lounger seeks out a Skye-terrier as a
+present for his lady-love. In one of his afternoon
+rambles the Major fell in with a lion;
+they were both going the same way and
+jogged along for some distance silent, though
+excellent friends. At length the lion stopped,
+turned round, faced the Major, and sat on his
+haunches like a great tom-cat. The Major,
+not knowing how soon his majesty’s tacit
+treaty of peace might be broken with him,
+levelled his piece, taking aim between the
+eyes. He was just about to fire, when a sound
+caused him to turn round; he then at once
+understood that, the lion having been out for
+a walk, his lady had come, like a dutiful wife,
+to meet him. The Major drew back and calculated
+the odds—two to one in favour of the
+quadrupeds—and reserved his fire; deciding
+that it would be little satisfaction to kill the
+husband and be eaten by the wife, or <i>vice versâ</i>.
+The respectable couple then continued their
+walk alone, treating the Major with the most
+sovereign contempt, and allowing him, like
+Young Norval, to “mark the course they
+took,” and to follow them to their abode.
+This he next day visited, with men, dogs, and
+guns; and a week afterwards I was sleeping
+soundly, in the Major’s house, on the skin of
+that same king of the forest, while his consort’s
+hide served me for a coverlid.</p>
+
+<p>Although the keener sportsman prefers to
+go beyond the colonial boundary for prey, yet
+it is customary in the towns for a number of
+friends to make up a shooting party, who sally
+forth with waggons and a tent, which they
+pitch on some agreeable spot, and stay for
+several days, living <i>al fresco</i>,—enjoying good
+sport by day and good fare at the end of it,
+with merry songs, toasts, and stories. Others
+prefer hunting, mount their active little
+horses, and, followed by a whole host of curs,
+whose pedigrees would puzzle the most ingenious
+zoologist, sally forth in search of wild
+bucks; and many a good run they enjoy, and
+much do they contribute to the stock of good
+things which grace the table on the greensward
+at night.</p>
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</span></p>
+
+<h2 class="nobreak" id="BATTLE_WITH_LIFE">“BATTLE WITH LIFE!”</h2>
+</div>
+
+
+<div class="poetry-container">
+<div class="poetry">
+  <div class="stanza">
+    <div class="verse indent0">Bear thee up bravely,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent2">Strong heart and true!</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Meet thy woes gravely,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent2">Strive with them too!</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Let them not win from thee</div>
+    <div class="verse indent2">Tear of regret,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Such were a sin from thee,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent2">Hope for good yet!</div>
+  </div>
+  <div class="stanza">
+    <div class="verse indent0">Rouse thee from drooping,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent2">Care-laden soul;</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Mournfully stooping</div>
+    <div class="verse indent2">’Neath grief’s control!</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Far o’er the gloom that lies,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent2">Shrouding the earth,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Light from eternal skies</div>
+    <div class="verse indent2">Shows us thy worth.</div>
+  </div>
+  <div class="stanza">
+    <div class="verse indent0">Nerve thee yet stronger,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent2">Resolute mind!</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Let care no longer</div>
+    <div class="verse indent2">Heavily bind.</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Rise on thy eagle wings</div>
+    <div class="verse indent2">Gloriously free!</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Till from material things</div>
+    <div class="verse indent2">Pure thou shalt be!</div>
+  </div>
+  <div class="stanza">
+    <div class="verse indent0">Bear ye up bravely,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent2">Soul and mind too!</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Droop not so gravely,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent2">Bold heart and true!</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Clear rays of streaming light</div>
+    <div class="verse indent2">Shine through the gloom,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">God’s love is beaming bright</div>
+    <div class="verse indent2">E’en round the tomb!</div>
+  </div>
+</div>
+</div>
+
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+<h2 class="nobreak" id="SPY_POLICE">SPY POLICE.</h2>
+</div>
+
+
+<p>We have already given some insight into
+the workings of the Detective Police system
+of London, and have found that it is
+solely employed in bringing crime to justice.
+We have no political police, no police over
+opinion. The most rabid demagogue can <em>say</em>
+in this free country what he chooses, provided
+it does not tend to incite others to <em>do</em> what is
+annoying to the lieges. He speaks not under
+the terror of an organised spy system. He
+dreads not to discuss the affairs of the nation
+at a tavern, lest the waiter should be a policeman
+in disguise; he can converse familiarly
+with his guests at his own table without suspecting
+that the interior of his own liveries
+consists of a spy; when travelling, he has not
+the slightest fear of perpetual imprisonment
+for declaring himself freely on the conduct of
+the powers that be, because he knows that
+even if his fellow-passenger be a Sergeant
+Myth or an Inspector Wield, no harm will
+come to him.</p>
+
+<p>It is not so across the Channel. There,
+while the criminal police is very defective, the
+police of politics is all powerful. In March last,
+thirty thousand political malcontents were
+swept beyond the gates of Paris in a single
+morning, before the rest of the people were up;
+and nobody was any the wiser till the masterly
+feat had been performed; but during the same
+month several single individuals were knocked
+down and robbed—some in broad day, others<span class="pagenum" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</span>
+at dusk—yet neither of the robbers were
+taken. In Austria, in some of the German
+states, and in Italy, political <i>espionage</i> is carried
+to a point of refined ingenuity of which
+no Englishman can form an idea. Mr. Tomkins
+goes, for instance, to Naples; and—as
+the Emperor of Russia might have enlarged
+on the happiness and prosperity of that
+city after his recent visit to it, because the
+streets were cleared of beggars, the cabmen
+compelled to dress in their best, and the
+fishermen to wear shoes—so in the “Travels
+in Italy,” which Mr. Tomkins would undoubtedly
+publish, there would be not a word
+about the police spy system; because he, innocent
+man, was unable to detect in his table
+companions, in his courier, or in his laundress,
+an agent of police. It is now our purpose to
+supply from the authentic information of a
+resident in Naples, the hiatus to be found in
+all the books of all the Mr. Tomkinses who
+have written “Travels.”</p>
+
+<p>The chief agent is the Commissary, who, says
+our friend, has a certain district put under
+his care, and is thus made responsible for its
+order and fidelity; he is a kind of nursing
+father, in short, to the unhappy inhabitants,
+with power to ruin or destroy; for though
+he nominally receives his orders from the
+Minister of Police, yet, as the cant phrase
+is, his office is eminently “suggestive;” and
+whether a suspicion is to be cleared up, an act
+of vengeance to be perpetrated, or some object
+of interest or licentiousness to be attained,
+the report of the Commissary supplies all the
+data for the operations at head-quarters.</p>
+
+<p>Immediately under his orders this General
+of Division has both regular and irregular
+troops, the former being the Policemen of the
+City; the latter simply Spies. When any long
+course of inquiry is to be carried out, he employs
+deputies, who bring in their intelligence
+from time to time; but if any immediate
+or important information is desired, the
+Commissary undertakes that little bit of
+business himself—it is a delicate <i>morçeau</i>
+which this gourmand cannot resist, and away
+he posts to enjoy the banquet.</p>
+
+<p>Some years ago, there resided in the neighbourhood
+of Naples a foreigner, whose health
+compelled him to seek a southern climate.
+His tastes and occupations were literary, and
+his habits quiet; but whether he had some
+secret enemy who had denounced him, or
+whether the Government were afraid of him,
+because he read and wrote, I know not; but
+one fine morning the little town was much agitated
+by the appearance of a Commissary of
+Police and his attendant “Sbirri.” Many
+were the conjectures—as is always the case
+under such circumstances—as to what could
+be the object of this visitation. No one took
+it to himself; but as in a church each good
+Christian lolls in his corner and admires the
+applicability of the sermon to his neighbour
+in the next pew; so every little townsman
+knew precisely the person who merited the inspection<span class="pagenum" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</span>
+of the Police. Don Roberto was sure
+that the visit was meant for his mortal enemy,
+Don Giuseppe; whereas the master of the
+favourite “Cantino” was equally sure that it
+must be for his rival who sold such acid wine,
+and permitted scenes in his shop enough to
+awaken the anger of the Saints. He always
+thought he was a Carbonaro!</p>
+
+<p>The Commissary, on his arrival, sent for the
+Syndic.</p>
+
+<p>“Pray, Signor Syndic,” he said, “is there a
+foreigner residing here, called Don Ferdinand?”
+(every one is Don, in Naples.)</p>
+
+<p>“Yes!” was the reply.</p>
+
+<p>“And pray, Sir, what is the object of his
+residence here?”</p>
+
+<p>“I understand, Signor Commissario, that
+he is in search of health and amusement.”</p>
+
+<p>“Ah! very good: health and amusement.
+And what may be his occupations?”</p>
+
+<p>“They do say, Sir, that he is engaged much
+in reading and writing.”</p>
+
+<p>“Reading and writing! Yet in search of
+health and amusement,” said the official,
+opening his eyes. “That’s a curious combination;
+but tell me, has Don Ferdinand any
+intercourse with the inhabitants? does he
+ever invite any of them to dinner?”</p>
+
+<p>“I must confess,” said the Syndic, “that
+he does.”</p>
+
+<p>“Then it is true, that Don Ferdinand proposes
+toasts after dinner?”</p>
+
+<p>“Well,” replied the Syndic, as if such an
+admission would be fraught with danger.
+“I cannot deny it—he <em>does</em> propose toasts.”</p>
+
+<p>“What are they?” asked the great official,
+sharply.</p>
+
+<p>“His usual practice is, first, to propose
+the health of our Sovereign Lord the King,
+and then the health of <em>his</em> Sovereign Lady,
+the Queen.”</p>
+
+<p>Not without disappointment at having made
+out nothing serious against Don Ferdinand,
+our Commissary dismissed the Syndic, merely
+observing that he had taken note of all his
+answers, and should draw up his report therefrom,
+and present it to the Minister of Police.</p>
+
+<p>After that, the Commissary of the Police
+came twice to my friend’s residence, and put
+a number of searching questions to his
+porter. Nothing, however, came of these
+investigations; first, because there was nothing
+really alarming in the fact of a man
+reading and writing, and giving toasts; and,
+secondly, and perhaps more strongly, because
+Don Ferdinand was an Englishman; for there
+is a prestige attaching to the very name of
+an Englishman which attracts to him the
+respect of the people and a cautious deferential
+treatment on the part of the Governments.
+It is felt, that, however distant he may be
+from his native land, he is not beyond its
+protective power, and that any injustice done
+to him will be resented as an injustice done to
+the nation. It is this conviction which has
+been his security in circumstances where I
+have known the subjects of other States<span class="pagenum" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</span>
+arrested, imprisoned, or sent out of the country,
+without receiving the protection of their
+Governments.</p>
+
+<p>The Commissary is eminently a night-bird;
+sometimes you see him with “measured step
+and slow,” followed by his Myrmidons, stealing
+along under the dark shadows of the houses,
+like a cat treading; or, perchance, you are returning
+home through the silent streets, carelessly
+and thoughtlessly, when, at some dark
+corner, you find yourself confronted by this
+spectre. He listens for and pauses at every
+foot-fall, waits about in entries, stops at doors,
+watches the lights in houses, and, like a true
+inductive philosopher, from such simple facts—as
+seeing two or three lights, more or less,
+or a larger group of heads than usual, infers
+conspiracies most dreadful and dangerous to
+the State. Presently a Commissary is seen
+bustling along with his attendants, with a
+quick and eager step. He is not on a mission
+of inspection—oh, no—that cheerful promptitude
+indicates that game’s a-foot, and that
+something is to be done. And now he
+stops before a house and knocks aloud—“Who
+is there?”—demands some one from
+within. “Open in the name of the law!”
+is the reply. What consternation do these
+words create; lights are gleaming and people
+are hurrying backwards and forwards, but the
+knocking continues and becomes louder, and
+the door is opened, and the unfortunate master
+of the house is dragged from his bed to be
+plunged into the dungeons of the Vicaria.
+His neighbour, luckier than he, had timely
+notice of the honour intended him by the Commissary;
+and, escaping over the roof of his
+house, was enabled to get on board some
+friendly vessel. Their crime you ask? That of
+hundreds of others who are eating the bread of
+penury in exile, or pining in loathsome dungeons—they
+had taken part in the movements
+which preceded the publication of the “Constitution”
+(yet an article of that “Constitution”
+says, that “a veil of oblivion shall rest
+upon the past”). They had, in short, assisted
+in the development of a Constitution which I
+saw the Majesty of Naples swear on the
+Gospels to observe.</p>
+
+<p>I know no better type than certain noxious
+insects for the myrmidons of the Commissary—the
+Police Spies of the South of Italy.
+Their multitude, their ubiquity, their unwearied
+perseverance, their sharp sting, make
+them worse than the whole insect tribe
+united, and infinitely more dangerous. You
+may crush the wasp, or smoke the mosquito,
+or brush away the ant, and get some intervals
+of repose in spite of renewed attacks;
+they give you, too, some warning signs of
+their approach—but the Police Spy is invisible
+and never out of hearing; whether
+you are relaxing in frank and thoughtless
+merriment, or abandoning yourself to the
+sweet and delicious dreams of friendship;
+in the market or the street—the drawing-room—the
+café—or the church—there he is:<span class="pagenum" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</span>
+“A chiel’s amang ye taking notes, and ’faith
+he’ll prent it!” They reconnoitre the ground
+in various detachments for the Commissary,
+and report the movements, words, and almost
+thoughts, of the “suspected,” or of whomsoever
+they please to place upon that fatal list.
+They assume no distinctive dress—make no
+sign; they walk in darkness, and move like the
+pestilence, yet they are as real existences, and
+follow as precise a trade, as the vendor of
+maccaroni. These spies are not sent forth at
+random, like gleaners in a wheat-field, to pick
+up whatever they can; but they are selected
+with caution, and assigned a position for
+which their talents or rank best fit them.
+Thus it happens that every grade of society
+has its appropriate and peculiar spies. Some
+are appointed to watch over the upper classes;
+some over the <i>canaglia</i>; some over the
+clergy; all watch each other. Enter a drawing-room,
+and rustling in satin, and distributing
+the courtesies and refinements of the <i>galleria</i>
+(drawing-room), you may behold a Government
+Spy. Beauty and refinement unite to
+lament the fate of the poor Marchese Maroni,
+who was arrested yesterday; nay, two crystal
+drops confirm the grief of the sympathising
+syren—“It was so hard a case. There was
+really nothing that could be proved against
+his Eccellenza. Alas! who is safe under the
+existing order of things—is there no hope—will
+there never be any change?” But beware—fall
+not into the meshes, though they
+may be woven of silk; be silent or indifferent;
+the very lips which pronounced these commiserations,
+are those which a few hours ago
+denounced the subject of them to the Government.
+You adjourn, at the close of the Opera,
+to a café; you are accompanied by several
+friends, and feel disposed to relax over a glass
+of iced punch—’tis so hot—and then from one
+topic of conversation you range to another,
+as if you were breathing the air of liberty.
+But who is that sleek old gentleman opposite,
+whose keen and cunning eye glances occasionally
+at you from above his paper? He
+has been seated there, I know not how long,
+spelling rather than reading yesterday’s paper;
+yet he has a benevolent expression of countenance;
+perhaps he is infirm, poor fellow, or
+is looking for an advertisement; perhaps some
+article has deeply interested him. Phaugh!
+waste not your compassion or your speculation
+upon him—he is a Spy! he has been taking
+notes, and woe be to you if you have been
+betrayed into any thoughtless expression of
+opinion; for every word is registered. What
+corner of the city, or the country, what class
+of society is free from this pest! Nor is all
+this merely imaginary. I paint from the life,
+and could adduce instances of betrayal in the
+belle of high society, or in the shopman at
+the counter, in the caburan who takes your
+paltry <i>buonamancia</i>, or the friend you have
+cherished in your bosom.</p>
+
+<p>For even private friendship is not held sacred.
+There was living in Naples, upwards of a year<span class="pagenum" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</span>
+since, a Count Montinona, who appeared to
+have no particular object in view except the
+pursuit of pleasure. For many years he had
+lavished his bounty and his friendship on
+another, who was at length discovered to
+have made somewhat free with the Count’s
+property; accusations ensued, and, though
+compassion and a certain lingering recollection
+of the past did not permit the Count
+to cast the villain entirely off; yet he so far
+restricted his intimacy as to put it out of his
+power to rob him—“he was poor, and the
+temptation had been too great!” But what
+ensued?—This man denounced his friend as
+having concealed arms, and as entertaining
+free and dangerous opinions. Straightway
+the Count was arrested—his house and papers
+were examined, though nothing could be found
+to implicate him or to prove the charge; yet
+for many, many months he pined away in
+prison. I never heard when he was released,
+or if he is yet at liberty. All that time the
+informer ranged about at his own sweet will,
+to entrap as many new jail victims as he
+could make.</p>
+
+<p>The effect of the Spy System on the national
+character is exceedingly demoralising. There
+is no country in Europe where the low, secret
+vices, as opposed to those of a bolder, opener,
+and more ferocious character, exist so strongly
+as in the South of Italy. There, the result of
+that timidity and want of faith in what is good,
+and just, and true, which has been engendered
+by intrigue, is practised in its most comprehensive
+sense. The Secret Police system is one
+of the very many causes of this. To appreciate
+this thoroughly, you must regard it as being
+not merely a political institution, but as
+having now become national; people have
+followed the example which has been set
+them, and have all become spies—spies on
+each other’s actions, words, and thoughts.
+Sometimes this habit is pursued to the extent
+only of simple curiosity, watching, investigating,
+and reporting the commonest trifles.
+Sometimes it is a little more malignant, and
+engages, almost as a pastime, in embroiling individuals
+or families. Sometimes it pushes
+further, and furnishes denunciations to the
+Priest, the Bishop, the Intendente, or the
+Minister. I have seen it under all its phases,
+and the effect has been to produce a want of
+faith in all that is high, generous and noble,
+and to form a low national character.</p>
+
+<p>It is more ridiculous and annoying than can
+well be imagined, to get behind the scenes of
+Italian life, and listen to the daily gossip:—How
+such an one “<i>ha fatto un’ ricorso</i>” against
+this or that person. How Don So and So has
+written certain letters to the Intendente, containing
+charges against another Don, and has
+forged two signatures. How So and So has
+been to the bishop and laid a long list of
+crimes at the door of some luckless priest.
+Then watch the tempest of official papers
+which fly through the air; some contain inquiries
+into the truth of the statements,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</span>
+addressed to the judge or the syndic; some
+are orders to a dozen unfortunate wights to
+present themselves at the Intendenza; while
+others contain ghostly reproofs from the
+bishop, or orders to suspend a priest at his
+reverence’s will and pleasure, and rusticate him
+in some monastery. Every denunciation is
+received and inquired into.</p>
+
+<p>I remember an instance of two men who
+kept a whole district in inquietude during one
+winter. Both had received some private
+offence, and straightway each shrank into a
+corner and wove his envenomed meshes;
+charges were devised and letters written to
+the Intendente, accusing some score of their
+friends of Carbonarism or constitutionalism;
+then came the usual dispatches to the judge
+and other authorities to inquire into the truth
+of the statements. The judge, it happened, was
+friendly with the unfortunate denounced, and
+drew up therefore a favourable report, but
+had he been less honest or less amicable, these
+poor fellows might have swelled the number
+of those who now pine in the prisons of the
+Vicaria.</p>
+
+<p>Indeed, the influence of the Police Spy
+System (united with other causes), has been
+such as to convert the whole nation into spies
+upon each other. As suspicion and want of
+confidence universally prevail, so there is a
+deficiency of truthfulness. This cannot be
+more strongly proved than by the admission
+of the Italians themselves who, when wishing
+to conciliate your belief, tell you that they
+speak “<i>la parola Inglese</i>,”—on the word of an
+Englishman.</p>
+
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+<h2 class="nobreak" id="CHIPS">CHIPS.</h2>
+</div>
+
+
+<p class="center">THE INDIVIDUALITY OF LOCOMOTIVES.</p>
+
+<p>It is a remarkable truth, and, well applied,
+it might be profitable to us, in helping us to
+make fair allowance for the differences between
+the temperaments of different men—that every
+Locomotive Engine running on a Railway, has
+a distinct individuality and character of its own.</p>
+
+<p>It is perfectly well known to experienced
+practical engineers, that if a dozen different
+Locomotive Engines were made, at the same
+time, of the same power, for the same purpose,
+of like materials, in the same Factory—each
+of those Locomotive Engines would come out
+with its own peculiar whims and ways, only
+ascertainable by experience. One engine will
+take a great meal of coke and water at once;
+another will not hear of such a thing, but will
+insist on being coaxed by spades-full and
+buckets-full. One is disposed to start off,
+when required, at the top of his speed; another
+must have a little time to warm at his work,
+and to get well into it. These peculiarities
+are so accurately mastered by skilful drivers,
+that only particular men can persuade particular
+engines to do their best. It would
+seem as if some of these “excellent monsters”
+declared, on being brought out of the stable,
+“If it’s Smith who is to drive me, I won’t go.<span class="pagenum" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</span>
+If it’s my friend Stokes, I am agreeable to
+anything!”</p>
+
+<p>All Locomotive Engines are low-spirited in
+damp and foggy weather. They have a great
+satisfaction in their work when the air is
+crisp and frosty. At such a time they are
+very cheerful and brisk; but they strongly object
+to haze and Scotch mists. These are points
+of character on which they are all united. It
+is in their peculiarities and varieties of character
+that they are most remarkable.</p>
+
+<p>The Railway Company who should consign
+all their Locomotives to one uniform standard
+of treatment, without any allowance for varying
+shades of character and opinion, would
+soon fall as much behind-hand in the world
+as those greater Governments are, and ever
+will be, who pursue the same course with the
+finer piece of work called Man.</p>
+
+
+<p class="center">THE OLDEST INHABITANT OF THE PLACE
+DE GRÈVE.</p>
+
+<p>The Police Courts of London have often
+displayed many a curious character, many a
+strange scene, many an exquisite bit of
+dialogue; so have the Police Courts in
+Ireland, especially at the Petty Sessions in
+Kilrush; but we are not so well aware of
+how often a scene of rich and peculiar humour
+occurs in the Police <i>tribuneaux</i> of Paris. We
+will proceed to give the reader a “taste of
+their quality.”</p>
+
+<p>An extremely old woman, all in rags, was
+continually found begging in the streets, and
+the Police having goodnaturedly let her off
+several times, were at last obliged to take her
+in charge, and bring her into the Court.
+Several magistrates were sitting. The following
+dialogue took place between the President
+and the old woman.</p>
+
+<p><i>President.</i> Now, my good woman, what
+have you to say for yourself? You have
+been frequently warned by the Police, but
+you have persisted in troubling people with
+begging.</p>
+
+<p><i>Old Woman</i> (<i>in a humble quavering tone</i>).
+Ah, Monsieur le President, it is not so much
+trouble to other people as it is to me. I am
+a very old woman.</p>
+
+<p><i>Pres.</i> Come, come, you must leave off begging,
+or I shall be obliged to punish you.</p>
+
+<p><i>Old W.</i> But, Monsieur le President, I cannot
+live without—I must beg—pardon me,
+Monsieur—I am obliged to beg.</p>
+
+<p><i>Pres.</i> But I say you must not. Can you do
+no work?</p>
+
+<p><i>Old W.</i> Ah, no, Monsieur; I am too old.</p>
+
+<p><i>Pres.</i> Can’t you sell something—little cakes—bonbons?—</p>
+
+<p><i>Old W.</i> No, Monsieur, I can’t get any
+little stock to begin with; and, if I could, I
+should be robbed by the <i>gamins</i>, or the little
+girls, for I’m not very quick, and can’t see well.</p>
+
+<p><i>Pres.</i> Your relations must support you,
+then. You cannot be allowed to beg. Have
+you no son—no daughter—no grandchildren?</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</span></p>
+
+<p><i>Old W.</i> No, Monsieur; none—none—all my
+relations are dead.</p>
+
+<p><i>Pres.</i> Well then, your friends must give
+you assistance.</p>
+
+<p><i>Old W.</i> Ah, Monsieur, I have no friends;
+and, indeed, I never had but one, in my life;
+but he too is gone.</p>
+
+<p><i>Pres.</i> And who was he?</p>
+
+<p><i>Old W.</i> Monsieur de Robespierre—<i>le pauvre
+cher homme!</i> (The poor, dear man!)</p>
+
+<p><i>Pres.</i> Robespierre!—why what did you
+know of him?</p>
+
+<p><i>Old W.</i> Oh, Monsieur, my mother was one
+of the <i>tricoteurs</i> (knitting-women) who used
+to sit round the foot of the guillotine, and I
+always stood beside her. When Monsieur de
+Robespierre was passing by, in attending his
+duties, he used to touch my cheek, and call
+me (here the old woman shed tears) <i>la belle
+Marguerite</i>:—<i>le pauvre, cher homme!</i></p>
+
+<p>We must here pause to remind the reader
+that these women, the <i>tricoteurs</i>, who used to
+sit round the foot of the guillotine on the
+mornings when it was at its hideous work,
+were sometimes called the “Furies;” but only
+as a grim jest. It is well known, that, although
+there were occasionally some sanguinary hags
+amongst them, yet, for the most part, they
+were merely idle, gossiping women, who came
+there dressed in neat white caps, and with
+their knitting materials, out of sheer love of
+excitement, and to enjoy the <i>spectacle</i>.</p>
+
+<p><i>Pres.</i> Well, Goody; finish your history.</p>
+
+<p><i>Old W.</i> I was married soon after this, and
+then I used to take my seat as a <i>tricoteur</i>
+among the others; and on the days when
+Monsieur de Robespierre passed, he used
+always to notice me—<i>le pauvre cher homme</i>.
+I used then to be called <i>la belle tricoteuse</i>, but
+now—now, I am called <i>la vielle radoteuse</i>
+(the old dotardess). Ah, Monsieur le President,
+it is what we must all come to!</p>
+
+<p>The old woman accompanied this reflection
+with an inimitable look at the President,
+which completely involved him in the <em>we</em>, thus
+presenting him with the prospect of becoming
+an old dotardess; not in the least meant
+offensively, but said in the innocence of her
+aged heart.</p>
+
+<p><i>Pres.</i> Ahem!—silence! You seem to have
+a very tender recollection of Monsieur Robespierre.
+I suppose you had reason to be grateful
+to him?</p>
+
+<p><i>Old W.</i> No, Monsieur, no reason in particular;
+for he guillotined my husband.</p>
+
+<p><i>Pres.</i> Certainly this ought to be no reason
+for loving his memory.</p>
+
+<p><i>Old W.</i> Ah, Monsieur, but it happened
+quite by accident. Monsieur de Robespierre
+did not intend to guillotine my husband—he
+had him executed by mistake for somebody
+else—<i>le pauvre cher homme!</i></p>
+
+<p>Thus leaving it an exquisite matter of
+doubt, as to whether the “poor dear man”
+referred to her husband, or to Monsieur de
+Robespierre; or whether the tender epithet
+was equally divided between them.</p>
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</span></p>
+
+<h2 class="nobreak" id="TWO_CHAPTERS_ON_BANK_NOTE">TWO CHAPTERS ON BANK NOTE
+FORGERIES.</h2>
+</div>
+
+
+<p class="center">CHAPTER II.</p>
+
+<p>In the history of crime, as in all other
+histories, there is one great epoch by which
+minor dates are arranged and defined. In a
+list of remarkable events, one remarkable
+event more remarkable than the last, is the
+standard around which all smaller circumstances
+are grouped. Whatever happens in
+Mohammedan annals, is set down as having
+occurred so many years after the flight of the
+Prophet; in the records of London commerce
+a great fraud or a great failure is mentioned
+as having come to light so many months after
+the flight of Rowland Stephenson. Sporting
+men date from remarkable struggles for the
+Derby prize; and refer to 1840 as “Bloomsbury’s
+year.” The highwayman of old dated
+from Dick Turpin’s last appearance on the
+fatal stage at Tyburn turnpike. In like
+manner, the standard epoch in the annals of
+Bank Note Forgery, is the year 1797, when
+(on the 25th of February) one pound notes
+were put into circulation instead of golden
+guineas; or, to use the City idiom, “cash
+payments were suspended.”</p>
+
+<p>At that time the Bank of England note
+was no better in appearance—had not improved
+as a work of art—since the days of
+Vaughan, Mathieson, and Old Patch; it was
+just as easily imitated, and the chances of the
+successful circulation of counterfeits were increased
+a thousand-fold.</p>
+
+<p>Up to 1793 no notes had been issued even
+for sums so small as five pounds. Consequently
+all the Bank paper then in use,
+passed through the hands and under the
+eyes of the affluent and educated, who could
+more readily distinguish the false from the
+true. Hence, during the fourteen years
+which preceded the non-golden and small-note
+era, there were only three capital convictions
+for the crime. When, however, the
+Bank of England notes became “common and
+popular,” a prodigious quantity—to complete
+the quotation—was also made “base,” and
+many persons were hanged for concocting them.</p>
+
+<p>To a vast number of the humbler orders,
+Bank Notes were a rarity and a “sight.”
+Many had never seen such a thing before
+they were called upon to take one or two
+pound notes in exchange for small merchandise,
+or their own labour. How were they
+to judge? How were they to tell a good
+from a spurious note?—especially when it
+happened that the officers of the Bank themselves,
+were occasionally mistaken, so complete
+and perfect were the imitations then afloat.
+There cannot be much doubt that where one
+graphic rascal was found out, ten escaped.
+They snapped their fingers at the executioner,
+and went on enjoying their beefsteaks and
+porter; their winter treats to the play; their
+summer excursions to the suburban tea-gardens;
+their fashionable lounges at Tunbridge<span class="pagenum" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</span>
+Wells, Bath, Margate, and Ramsgate;
+doing business with wonderful unconcern
+and “face” all along their journeys. These
+usually expensive, but to them profitable enjoyments,
+were continually coming to light at
+the trials of the lesser rogues who undertook
+the issue department; for, from the ease with
+which close imitation was effected, the manufacture
+was more readily completed than the
+uttering. The fraternity and sisterhood of
+utterers played many parts, and were banded
+in strict compact with the forgers. Some
+were turned loose into fairs and markets,
+in all sorts of appropriate disguises. Farmers,
+who could hardly distinguish a field of
+standing wheat from a field of barley:
+Butchers who never wielded more deadly
+weapons than two-prong forks: Country boys
+with Cockney accents, bought gingerbread,
+and treated their so-called sweethearts with
+ribbons and muslins, all by the interchange of
+false “flimseys.” The better mannered disguised
+themselves as ladies and gentlemen,
+paid their losings at cards or hazard, or
+their tavern bills, their milliners, and coachmakers,
+in motley money composed of part
+real and part base bank paper. Some went
+about in the cloak of the Samaritan, and
+generously subscribed to charities <a id="Change2"></a>wherever
+they saw a chance of changing a bad
+“five” for three or four good “ones.” Ladies
+of sweet disposition went about doing good
+among the poor; personally inquired into
+distress, relieved it by sending out a daughter
+or a son to a neighbouring shop for
+change; and left five shillings for present
+necessities, walking off with fifteen. So openly—in
+spite of the gallows—was forgery carried
+on, that whoever chose to turn utterer
+found no difficulty in getting a stock-in-trade
+to commence with. Indeed, in the days
+of highwaymen, no travelling gentleman’s
+pocket or valise was considered properly
+furnished without a few forged notes wherewith
+to satisfy the demands of the members
+of the “High Toby.” This offence against
+the laws of the road, however, soon became
+too common, and wayfarers who were stopped
+and rifled had to pledge their sacred words of
+honour that their notes were the genuine
+promises of Abraham Newland; and that
+their watches were not of the factory of Mr.
+Pinchbeck.</p>
+
+<p>With temptations so strong, it is no wonder
+that the forgers’ trade flourished, with only
+an occasional check from the strong arm of
+the law. It followed, therefore, that from the
+issue of small notes in February 1797, to the
+end of 1817—twenty years—there were no
+fewer than eight hundred and seventy prosecutions
+connected with Bank Note Forgery,
+in which there were only one hundred and
+sixty acquittals, and upwards of three hundred
+executions! 1818 was the culminating point
+of the crime. In the first three months there
+were no fewer than one hundred and twenty-eight
+prosecutions by the Bank; and by the<span class="pagenum" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</span>
+end of that year, two-and-thirty individuals
+had been hanged for Note Forgery. So far
+from this appalling series of examples having
+any effect in checking the progress of the
+crime, it is proved that at, and after that
+very time, base notes were poured into the
+Bank at the rate of <em>a hundred a day</em>!</p>
+
+<p>The enormous number of undetected forgeries
+afloat, may be estimated by the fact, that
+from the 1st of January 1812, to the 10th
+April 1818, one hundred and thirty-one thousand
+three hundred and thirty-one pieces of
+paper were ornamented by the Bank officers
+with the word “Forged”—upwards of one
+hundred and seven thousand of them were
+one-pound counterfeits.</p>
+
+<p>Intrinsically, it would appear from an Hibernian
+view of the case, then, that bad notes
+were nearly as good, (except not merely having
+been manufactured at the Bank), as good ones.
+So thoroughly and completely did some of
+them resemble the authorised engraving of
+the Bank, that it was next to impossible to
+distinguish the false from the true. Countless
+instances, showing rather the skill of the
+forger than the want of vigilance in Bank
+officials, could be brought forward. Respectable
+persons were constantly taken into custody
+on a charge of uttering forgeries, imprisoned
+for days and then liberated. A close
+scrutiny, proving that the accusations were
+made upon genuine paper. In September,
+1818, Mr. A. Burnett, of Portsmouth, had
+the satisfaction of having a note which had
+passed through his hands returned to him
+from the Bank of England with the base
+mark upon it. Satisfied of its genuineness,
+he re-inclosed it to the cashier, and demanded
+its payment. By return of post he received
+the following letter:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot">
+
+<p class="right">
+“<i>Bank of England, 16 Sept., 1818.</i><br>
+</p>
+
+<p>“Sir,—I have to acknowledge your letter to
+Mr. Hase, of the 13th inst. inclosing a one pound
+note, and, in answer thereto, I beg leave to
+acquaint you, that, on inspection it appears to be a
+genuine Note of the Bank of England; I therefore,
+agreeably to your request, inclose you one of the
+like value, No. 26,276, dated 22nd August, 1818.</p>
+
+<p>“I am exceedingly sorry, Sir, that such an unusual
+oversight should have occurred to give you
+so much trouble, which I trust your candour will
+induce you to excuse when I assure you that the
+unfortunate mistake has arisen entirely out of the
+hurry and multiplicity of business.</p>
+
+<p class="right">“I am, Sir,</p>
+<p class="right">Your most obedient servant,</p>
+<div class="height">
+<p class="float-left"><span class="smcap">A. Burnett</span>, Esq.</p>
+<p class="float-right"><span class="smcap">J. Rippon</span>.</p>
+</div>
+<p class="left">7 Belle Vue Terrace.</p>
+<p class="left">Southsea, near Portsmouth.”</p>
+</div>
+
+<p>A more extraordinary case is on record.
+A note was traced to the possession of a
+tradesman, which had been pronounced by
+the Bank Inspectors to have been forged.
+The man would not give it up and was taken
+before a magistrate, charged with “having a
+note in his possession, well knowing it to be
+forged.” He was committed to prison on<span class="pagenum" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</span>
+evidence of the Bank Inspector; but was
+afterwards released on bail to appear when
+called on. He was <em>not</em> called on; and, at the
+expiration of twelvemonths (having kept the
+note all that time), he brought an action
+against the Bank for false imprisonment. On
+the trial the note was proved to be genuine!
+and the plaintiff was awarded damages of one
+hundred pounds.</p>
+
+<p>It is a fact sufficiently dreadful that three
+hundred and thirty human lives should have
+been sacrificed in twenty-one years; but
+when we relate a circumstance which admits
+the merest probability that some—even one—of
+those lives may have been sacrificed in
+innocence of the offence for which they suffered,
+the consideration becomes appalling.</p>
+
+<p>Some time after the frequency of the crime
+had, in other respects subsided, there was a
+sort of bloody assize at Haverfordwest, in
+Wales; several prisoners were tried for
+forging and uttering, and thirteen were convicted;
+chiefly on the evidence of Mr.
+Christmas, a Bank Inspector, who swore
+positively, in one case, that the document
+named in the indictment “was not an impression
+from a Bank of England plate; was
+not printed on the paper with the ink or
+<a id="Change3"></a>water-mark of the Bank; neither was it in
+the handwriting of the signing clerk.” Upon
+this testimony the prisoner, together with
+twelve participators in similar crimes, were
+condemned to be hanged!</p>
+
+<p>The morning after the trial, Mr. Christmas
+was leaving his lodging, when an acquaintance
+stepped up and asked him, as a friend, to give
+his opinion on a note he had that morning
+received. It was a bright day; Mr. Christmas
+put on his spectacles, and carefully scrutinised
+the document in a business-like and leisurely
+manner. He pronounced it to be forged.
+The gentleman, a little chagrined, brought it
+away with him to town. It is not a little
+singular that he happened to know Mr.
+Burnett, of Portsmouth, whom he accidentally
+met, and to whom he showed the
+note. Mr. Burnett was evidently a capital
+judge of Bank paper. He said nothing, but
+slipping his hand into one pocket, handed to
+the astonished gentleman full change, and
+put the note into another. “It cannot be a
+good note,” exclaimed the latter, “for my
+friend Christmas told me at Haverfordwest
+that it is a forgery!” But as Mr. Burnett
+had backed his opinion to the amount of
+twenty shillings he declined to retract it; and
+lost no time in writing to Mr. Henry Hase
+(Abraham Newland’s successor) to test its
+accuracy.</p>
+
+<p>It was lucky that he did so; for this little
+circumstance saved thirteen lives!</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Christmas’s co-inspectors at the Bank
+of England actually reversed his non-official
+judgment that the note was a forgery. It
+was officially pronounced to be a good note;
+yet upon the evidence of Mr. Christmas as regards
+other notes, the thirteen human beings<span class="pagenum" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</span>
+at Haverfordwest were trembling at the foot
+of the gallows. It was promptly and cogently
+argued that as Mr. Christmas’s judgment had
+failed him in the deliberate examination of
+one note, it might also err as to others, and
+the convicts were respited.</p>
+
+<p>The converse of this sort of mistake often
+happened. Bad notes were pronounced to be
+genuine by the Bank. Early in January, 1818,
+a well-dressed woman entered the shop of Mr.
+James Hammond, of 40, Bishopsgate Street
+Without, and having purchased three pounds
+worth of goods, tendered in payment a ten-pound
+note. There was something hesitating
+and odd in her manner; and, although Mr.
+Hammond could see nothing the matter
+with the note, yet he was ungallant enough
+to suspect—from the uncomfortable demeanour
+of his customer—that all was not
+right. He hoped she was not in a hurry,
+for he had no change; he must send
+to a neighbour for it. He immediately dispatched
+his shopman to the most affluent of
+all his neighbours—to her of Threadneedle
+Street. The delay occasioned the lady to
+remark, “I suppose he is gone to the Bank?”
+Mr. Hammond having answered in the affirmative,
+engaged his customer in conversation,
+and they freely discussed the current topics of
+the day; till the young man returned with
+ten one pound Bank of England Notes. Mr.
+Hammond felt a little remorse at having suspected
+his patroness; who departed with the
+purchases with the utmost despatch. She had
+not been gone half an hour before two gentlemen
+rushed into the shop in a state of grievous
+chagrin; one was the Bank clerk who had
+changed the note. He begged Mr. Hammond
+would be good enough to give him another
+for it. “Why?” asked the puzzled shopkeeper.
+“Why, Sir,” replied the distressed
+clerk, “it is forged!” Of course his request
+was not complied with. The clerk declared
+that his dismissal was highly probable; but
+Mr. Hammond was inexorable.</p>
+
+<p>The arguments in favour of death punishments
+never fail so signally as when brought
+to the test of the scaffold and its effect on
+Bank Forgeries. When these were most
+numerous, although from twenty to thirty
+persons were put to death in one year, the
+gallows was never deprived of an equal share
+of prey during the next. As long as simulated
+notes could be passed with ease, and
+detected with difficulty, the Old Bailey had
+no terrors for clever engravers and dexterous
+imitators of the hieroglyphic autographs of
+the Bank of England signers.</p>
+
+<p>At length public alarm at the prevalence
+of forgeries, and the difficulty of knowing
+them as such, arose to the height of demanding
+some sort of relief. In 1819 a committee
+was appointed by the Government to enquire
+into the best means of prevention. One hundred
+and eighty projects were submitted.
+They mostly consisted of intricate designs
+such as rendered great expense necessary to<span class="pagenum" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</span>
+imitate. But none were adopted, for the
+obvious reason that ever so indifferent and
+easily executed imitation of an elaborate note
+is quite sufficient to deceive an uneducated
+eye; as had been abundantly proved in the
+instance of the Irish “black note.” The Bank
+had not been indifferent or idle on the subject,
+for it had spent some hundred thousand
+pounds in projects for inimitable notes. At
+last—not long before the Commission was
+appointed—they were on the eve of adopting
+an ingenious and costly mechanism for
+printing a note so precisely alike on both
+sides as to appear as one impression, when
+one of the Bank printers imitated it exactly
+by the simple contrivance of two plates and a
+hinge. This may serve as a sample of the
+other one hundred and seventy-nine projects.</p>
+
+<p>Neither the gallows, nor expensive and
+elaborate works of art, having been found
+effectual in preventing forgery, the true
+expedient for at least lessening the crime was
+adopted in 1821:—the issue of small notes
+was wholly discontinued, and sovereigns were
+brought into circulation. The forger’s trade
+was nearly annihilated. Criminal returns inform
+us that during the nine years after the
+resumption of gold currency the number of
+convictions for offences having reference to
+the Bank of England notes were less than
+one hundred, and the executions only eight.
+This clinches the argument against the
+efficacy of the gallows. In 1830 death
+punishments were repealed for all minor
+offences, and, although the cases of Bank
+Note Forgeries slightly increased for a time,
+yet there is no reason to suppose that they
+are greater now than they were between
+1821 and 1830.</p>
+
+<p>At present, Bank paper forgeries are not
+numerous. One of the latest was that of the
+twenty pound note, of which about sixty specimens
+found their way into the Bank. It
+was well executed in Belgium by foreigners,
+and the impressions were passed among the
+Change-agents in various towns in France
+and the Netherlands. The speculation did
+not succeed; for the notes got into, and were
+detected at, the Bank, a little too soon to
+profit the schemers much.</p>
+
+<p>The most considerable frauds now perpetrated
+are not forgeries; but are done upon
+the plan of the highwayman mentioned in
+our first chapter. In order to give currency
+to stolen or lost notes which have been
+stopped at the Bank (lists of which are supplied
+to every banker in the country), the
+numbers and dates are fraudulently altered.
+Some years since, a gentleman, who had been
+receiving a large sum of money at the Bank,
+was robbed of it in an omnibus. The notes
+gradually came in, but all were altered.
+The last was one for five hundred pounds,
+dated the 12th March, 1846, and numbered
+32109. On the Monday (3rd June) after the
+last “Derby Day,” amid the <em>twenty-five thousand
+pieces</em> of paper that were examined by<span class="pagenum" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</span>
+the Bank Inspectors, there was one note
+for five hundred pounds, dated 12th March,
+1848, and numbered 32409. At that note an
+inspector suddenly arrested his rapid examination
+of the pile of which it was one. He
+scrutinised it for a minute, and pronounced it
+“altered.” On the next day, that same note,
+with a perfect one for five hundred pounds,
+is shown to us with an intimation of the fact.
+We look at every letter; we trace every line;
+follow every flourish: we hold both up to the
+light; we undulate our visuals with the waves
+of the water-mark. We confess that we
+cannot pronounce decisively; but we have an
+opinion derived from a slight “goutiness” in
+the fine stroke of the figure 4 that No. 32409
+is the forgery! so indeed it was. Yet the
+Bank Inspector had picked it out from the
+hundred genuine notes as instantaneously—pounced
+upon it as rapidly, as if it had been
+printed with green ink upon card-board.</p>
+
+<p>This then, O gentlemen forgers and sporting
+note alterers, is the kind of odds which is
+against you. A minute investigation of the
+note assured us of your exceeding skill and
+ingenuity; but it also convinced us of the
+superiority of the detective ordeal which you
+have to blind and to pass. In this instance
+you had followed the highwayman’s plan,
+and had put with great cunning, the additional
+marks to the 1 in 32109 to make it
+into a 4. To hide the scraping out of the
+top or serif of the figure 1—to make the
+angle from which to draw the fine line of the
+4—you had artfully inserted with a pen the
+figures “£16 16” as if that sum had been
+received from a person bearing a name that
+you had written above. You had with extraordinary
+neatness cut out the “6” from
+1846, and filled up the hole with an 8 abstracted
+from some note of lesser value. You
+had fitted it with remarkable precision; only
+you had not got the 8 quite upright enough to
+pass the shrewd glance of the Bank Inspector.</p>
+
+<p>We have seen a one-pound note made up
+of refuse pieces of a hundred other Bank
+notes, and pasted on a piece of paper (like a
+note that had been accidentally torn), so as
+to present an entire and <em>passable</em> whole.</p>
+
+<p>To alter with a pen a 1 into a 4 is an easy
+task—to cut out the numeral from the <em>date</em> in
+one note and insert it into another, needs only
+a tyro in paper-cutting; but to change the
+special <em>number</em> by which each note is distinguished,
+is a feat only second in impossibility
+to trumping every court-card of every
+suit six times running in a rubber of whist.
+Yet we have seen a note so cleverly altered
+by this expedient, that it was actually paid
+by the Bank cashiers. If the reader will take
+a Bank note out of his purse, and examine
+its “number,” he will at once appreciate the
+combination of chances required to find, on
+any other note, any other figure that shall displace
+any one of the numerals so as to avoid
+detection. The “number” of every Bank note
+is printed twice on one line—first, on the words<span class="pagenum" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</span>
+“I promise,” secondly, on the words, “or
+bearer.” Sometimes the figures cover the
+whole of those words; sometimes they only
+partly obscure them. No. 99066 now lies
+before us. Suppose we wished to substitute
+the “0” of another note for the first “9” of
+the one now under our eye; we see that the
+“9” covers a little bit of the “P,” and intersects
+in three places the “r,” in “Promise.”
+Now, to give this alteration the smallest
+chance, we must look through hundreds of
+other notes till we find an “0” which not
+only covers a part of the “P” and intersects
+the “r” in three places, but in precisely
+<em>the same</em> places as the “9” on our
+note does; else the strokes of those letters
+would not meet when the “0” was let in, and
+instant detection would ensue. But even then
+the job would only be half done. The second
+initial “9” stands upon the “or” in “or
+bearer,” and we should have to investigate
+several hundred more notes, to find an “0”
+that intersected that little word exactly in
+the same manner, and then let it in with
+such mathematical nicety, that not the hundredth
+part of a hair’s breadth of the transferred
+paper should fail to range with the
+rest of the letters and figures on the altered
+note; to say nothing of hiding the joins in
+the paper. This is the triumph of ambidexterity;
+it is a species of patch-work far
+beyond the most sublime achievements of
+“Old Patch” himself.</p>
+
+<p>Time has proved that the steady perseverance
+of the Bank—despite the most furious
+clamour—in gradually improving their original
+note and thus preserving those most essential
+qualities, simplicity and uniformity—has been
+a better preventive to forgery than any one
+of the hundreds of plans, pictures, complications,
+chemicals, and colours, which <a id="Change4"></a>have
+been forced upon the Directors’ notice.
+Whole-note forgery is nearly extinct. The
+lives of Eminent Forgers need only wait for
+a single addendum; for only one man is left
+who can claim superiority over Mathieson,
+and he was, unfortunately for the Bank of
+England, born a little too late, to trip up his
+heels, or those of the late Mr. Charles Price.
+He can do everything with a note that the
+patchers, and alterers, and simulators, can do,
+and a great deal more. Flimsy as a Bank note
+is to a proverb, he can split it into three perfect
+continuous, flat, and even leaves. He has
+forged more than one design sent into the
+Bank as an infallible preventive to forgery.
+You may, if you like, lend him a hundred
+pound note: he will undertake to discharge
+every trace of ink from it, and return it to
+you perfectly uninjured and a perfect blank.
+We are not quite sure that if you were to burn
+a Bank note and hand him the black cinders,
+that he would not bleach it, and join it, and
+conjure it back again into a very good-looking,
+payable piece of currency. But we <em>are</em> sure
+of the truth of the following story, which we
+have from our friend the transcendant forger<span class="pagenum" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</span>
+referred to; and who is no other than the
+chief of the Engraving and Engineering department
+of the Bank of England:</p>
+
+<p>Some years ago—in the days of the thirty-shilling
+notes—a certain Irishman saved up
+the sum of eighty-seven pounds ten, in notes
+of the Bank of Ireland. As a sure means of
+securing this valuable property, he put it in
+the foot of an old stocking, and buried it in his
+garden, where Bank note paper couldn’t fail
+to keep dry, and to come out, when wanted,
+in the best preservation.</p>
+
+<p>After leaving his treasure in this excellent
+place of deposit for some months, it occurred
+to the depositor to take a look at it, and see
+how it was getting on. He found the stocking-foot
+apparently full of the fragments of
+mildewed and broken mushrooms. No other
+shadow of a shade of eighty-seven pounds ten.</p>
+
+<p>In the midst of his despair, the man had
+the sense not to disturb the ashes of his property.
+He took the stocking-foot in his hand,
+posted off to the Bank in Dublin, entered it
+one morning as soon as it was opened, and,
+staring at the clerk with a most extraordinary
+absence of all expression in his face, said:</p>
+
+<p>“Ah, look at that, Sir! Can ye do anything
+for me?”</p>
+
+<p>“What do you call this?” said the clerk.</p>
+
+<p>“Eighty-sivin pound ten, praise the Lord,
+as I’m a sinner! Ohone! There was a
+twenty as was paid to me by Mr. Phalim
+O’Dowd, Sir, and a ten as was changed by
+Pat Reilly, and a five as was owen by Tim;
+and Ted Connor, ses he to ould Phillips—”</p>
+
+<p>“Well! Never mind old Phillips. You
+have done it, my friend!”</p>
+
+<p>“Oh Lord, Sir, and it’s done it I have, most
+com-plate! Oh, good luck to you, Sir, can
+you do nothing for me?”</p>
+
+<p>“I don’t know what’s to be done with such
+a mess as this. Tell me, first of all, what you
+put in the stocking, you unfortunate blunderer?”</p>
+
+<p>“Oh yes, Sir, and tell you true as if it was
+the last word I had to spake entirely, and the
+Lord be good to you, and Ted Connor ses he
+to ould Phillips, regarden the five as was
+owen by Tim, and not includen of the ten
+which was changed by Pat Reilly—”</p>
+
+<p>“You didn’t put Pat Reilly, or ould
+Phillips into the stocking, did you?”</p>
+
+<p>“Is it Pat or ould Phillips as was ever the
+valy of eighty-sivin pound ten, lost and gone,
+and includen the five as was owen by Tim,
+and Ted Connor—”</p>
+
+<p>“Then tell me what you <em>did</em> put in the
+stocking, and let me take it down. And then
+hold your tongue, if you can, and go your
+way, and come back to-morrow.”</p>
+
+<p>The particulars of the notes were taken,
+without any reference to ould Phillips: who
+could not, however, by any means be kept
+out of the story; and the man departed.</p>
+
+<p>When he was gone, the stocking-foot was
+shown to the then Chief Engraver of the notes,
+who said that if anybody could settle the business,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</span>
+his son could. And he proposed that the
+particulars of the notes should not be communicated
+to his son, who was then employed in
+his department of the Bank, but should be
+put away under lock and key; and that if
+his son’s ingenuity should enable him to discover
+from these ashes what notes had really
+been put in the stocking, and the two lists
+should tally, the man should be paid the lost
+amount. To this prudent proposal the Bank
+of Ireland readily assented; being extremely
+anxious that the man should not be a loser;
+but, of course, deeming it essential to be
+protected from imposition.</p>
+
+<p>The son readily undertook the delicate commission
+proposed to him. He detached the
+fragments from the stocking with the utmost
+care, on the fine point of a penknife; laid the
+whole gently in a basin of warm water; and
+presently saw them, to his delight, begin to
+unfold and expand like flowers. By and by,
+he began to “teaze them” with very light
+touches of the ends of a camel’s-hair pencil,
+and so, by little and little, and by the most
+delicate use of the warm water, the camel’s-hair
+pencil, and the penknife, got the various
+morsels separate before him, and began to
+piece them together. The first piece laid
+down was faintly recognisable by a practised
+eye as a bit of the left-hand bottom
+corner of a twenty pound note; then came a
+bit of a five; then of a ten; then more bits of
+a twenty; then more bits of a five and ten;
+then, another left-hand bottom corner of a
+twenty—so there were two twenties!—and so
+on, until, to the admiration and astonishment
+of the whole Bank, he noted down the exact
+amount deposited in the stocking, and the
+exact notes of which it had been composed.
+Upon this—as he wished to see and divert
+himself with the man on his return—he provided
+himself with a bundle of corresponding
+new, clean, rustling notes, and awaited his
+arrival.</p>
+
+<p>He came exactly as before, with the same
+blank staring face, and the same inquiry,
+“Can you do anything for me, Sir!”</p>
+
+<p>“Well,” said our friend, “I don’t know.
+Maybe I <em>can</em> do something. But I have
+taken a great deal of pains, and lost a great
+deal of time, and I want to know what you
+mean to give me!”</p>
+
+<p>“Is it give, Sir? Thin, is there anything
+I wouldn’t give for my eighty-sivin pound
+tin, Sir; and it’s murdered I am by ould
+Phillips.”</p>
+
+<p>“Never mind him; there were two twenties,
+were there not?”</p>
+
+<p>“Oh, holy mother, Sir, there was! Two
+most illigant twenties! and Ted Conner—and
+Phalim—which Reilly—”</p>
+
+<p>He faltered, and stopped as our friend, with<span class="pagenum" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</span>
+much ostentatious rustling of the crisp paper,
+produced a new twenty, and then the other
+twenty, and then a ten, and then a five, and
+so forth. Meanwhile, the man, occasionally
+murmuring an exclamation of surprise, or a
+protestation of gratitude, but gradually becoming
+vague and remote in the latter as
+the notes re-appeared, looked on, staring,
+evidently inclined to believe that they were
+the real lost notes, reproduced in that state
+by some chemical process. At last they
+were all told out, and in his pocket, and he
+still stood staring and muttering, “Oh holy
+Mother, only to think of it! Sir, it’s bound
+to you for ever that I am!”—but more
+vaguely and remotely now than ever.</p>
+
+<p>“Well,” said our friend, “what do you
+propose to give me for this?”</p>
+
+<p>After staring and rubbing his chin for
+some time longer, he replied with the unexpected
+question:</p>
+
+<p>“Do you like bacon?”</p>
+
+<p>“Very much,” said our friend.</p>
+
+<p>“Thin it’s a side as I’ll bring your honor
+to-morrow morning, and a bucket of new
+milk—and ould Phillips—”</p>
+
+<p>“Come,” said our friend, glancing at a
+notable shillelah the man had under his
+arm, “let me undeceive you. I don’t want
+anything of you, and I am very glad you have
+got your money back. But I suppose you’d
+stand by me, now, if I wanted a boy to help
+me in any little skirmish?”</p>
+
+<p>They were standing by a window on the
+top storey of the Bank, commanding a courtyard,
+where a sentry was on duty. To our
+friend’s amazement, the man dashed out of
+the room without speaking one word, suddenly
+appeared in the courtyard, performed a war-dance
+round this astonished soldier—who was
+a modest young recruit—made the shillelah
+flutter, like a wooden butterfly, round his
+musket, round his bayonet, round his head,
+round his body, round his arms, inside and
+outside his legs, advanced and retired, rattled
+it all round him like a firework, looked up at
+the window, cried out with a high leap in the
+air, “Whooroo! Thry me!”—vanished—and
+never was beheld at the Bank again from
+that time forth.</p>
+
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<hr class="double1">
+<div class="center">
+<i>This day is Published, Price 5s. 6d., neatly Bound in Cloth</i>,
+</div>
+
+<p class="center">
+THE FIRST VOLUME<br>
+OF<br>
+HOUSEHOLD WORDS.<br>
+</p>
+
+<hr class="double2">
+<p class="center"><i>Publishing Monthly, Price 2d., Stamped, 3d.</i>,</p>
+
+<p class="center">
+THE HOUSEHOLD NARRATIVE<br>
+OF<br>
+CURRENT EVENTS.<br>
+</p>
+
+<p class="center"><i>This Monthly Supplement of Household Words, containing
+a history of the previous month, is issued regularly with the
+Magazines.</i></p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</span></p>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<p class="center">END OF THE FIRST VOLUME.</p>
+
+<p class="center">Published at the Office, No 16, Wellington Street North, Strand. Printed by <span class="smcap">Bradbury &amp; Evans</span>, Whitefriars, London.</p>
+
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="transnote">
+<h2 class="nobreak" id="Transcribers_Notes">Transcriber’s Notes</h2>
+
+<p>Lines marked with ~= ... =~ were in German Fraktur.</p>
+<p>New original cover art included with this eBook is granted to the public domain.</p>
+<p>Itemized changes from the original text:</p>
+  <ul>
+    <li><a href="#Change2">On page 32</a>, changed “where-ever” to “wherever”, near “generously subscribed to charities”
+    </li>
+    <li><a href="#Change3">On page 34</a>, changed “watermark” to “water-mark”, near “paper with the ink or”
+    </li>
+    <li><a href="#Change4">On page 38</a>, changed “have,” to “have”, near “chemicals, and colours, which have”
+    </li>
+  </ul>
+
+</div>
+
+
+<div style='text-align:center'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 78061 ***</div>
+</body>
+</html>
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+This book, including all associated images, markup, improvements,
+metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be
+in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES.
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+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for eBook #78061
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