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diff --git a/8080-0.txt b/8080-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c33d0b3 --- /dev/null +++ b/8080-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,3139 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook of A Passionate Pilgrim, by Henry James + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and +most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions +whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms +of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at +www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you +will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before +using this eBook. + +Title: A Passionate Pilgrim + +Author: Henry James + +Release Date: June 12, 2003 [eBook #8080] +[Most recently updated: November 7, 2021] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +Produced by: Eve Sobol and David Widger + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A PASSIONATE PILGRIM *** + + + + +A PASSIONATE PILGRIM + +By Henry James + + + + +I + +Intending to sail for America in the early part of June, I determined to +spend the interval of six weeks in England, to which country my mind’s +eye only had as yet been introduced. I had formed in Italy and France a +resolute preference for old inns, considering that what they sometimes +cost the ungratified body they repay the delighted mind. On my arrival +in London, therefore, I lodged at a certain antique hostelry, much +to the east of Temple Bar, deep in the quarter that I had inevitably +figured as the Johnsonian. Here, on the first evening of my stay, I +descended to the little coffee-room and bespoke my dinner of the genius +of “attendance” in the person of the solitary waiter. No sooner had +I crossed the threshold of this retreat than I felt I had cut a +golden-ripe crop of English “impressions.” The coffee-room of the Red +Lion, like so many other places and things I was destined to see in the +motherland, seemed to have been waiting for long years, with just that +sturdy sufferance of time written on its visage, for me to come and +extract the romantic essence of it. + +The latent preparedness of the American mind even for the most +characteristic features of English life was a matter I meanwhile failed +to get to the bottom of. The roots of it are indeed so deeply buried +in the soil of our early culture that, without some great upheaval +of feeling, we are at a loss to say exactly when and where and how it +begins. It makes an American’s enjoyment of England an emotion more +searching than anything Continental. I had seen the coffee-room of +the Red Lion years ago, at home--at Saragossa Illinois--in books, in +visions, in dreams, in Dickens, in Smollett, in Boswell. It was small +and subdivided into six narrow compartments by a series of perpendicular +screens of mahogany, something higher than a man’s stature, furnished +on either side with a meagre uncushioned ledge, denominated in ancient +Britain a seat. In each of these rigid receptacles was a narrow table--a +table expected under stress to accommodate no less than four pairs of +active British elbows. High pressure indeed had passed away from the +Red Lion for ever. It now knew only that of memories and ghosts and +atmosphere. Round the room there marched, breast-high, a magnificent +panelling of mahogany, so dark with time and so polished with unremitted +friction that by gazing a while into its lucid blackness I made out +the dim reflexion of a party of wigged gentlemen in knee-breeches just +arrived from York by the coach. On the dark yellow walls, coated by +the fumes of English coal, of English mutton, of Scotch whiskey, were a +dozen melancholy prints, sallow-toned with age--the Derby favourite of +the year 1807, the Bank of England, her Majesty the Queen. On the floor +was a Turkey carpet--as old as the mahogany almost, as the Bank +of England, as the Queen--into which the waiter had in his lonely +revolutions trodden so many massive soot-flakes and drops of overflowing +beer that the glowing looms of Smyrna would certainly not have +recognised it. To say that I ordered my dinner of this archaic type +would be altogether to misrepresent the process owing to which, having +dreamed of lamb and spinach and a _salade de saison_, I sat down in +penitence to a mutton-chop and a rice pudding. Bracing my feet against +the cross-beam of my little oaken table, I opposed to the mahogany +partition behind me the vigorous dorsal resistance that must have +expressed the old-English idea of repose. The sturdy screen refused even +to creak, but my poor Yankee joints made up the deficiency. + +While I was waiting there for my chop there came into the room a person +whom, after I had looked at him a moment, I supposed to be a fellow +lodger and probably the only one. He seemed, like myself, to have +submitted to proposals for dinner; the table on the other side of my +partition had been prepared to receive him. He walked up to the fire, +exposed his back to it and, after consulting his watch, looked directly +out of the window and indirectly at me. He was a man of something less +than middle age and more than middle stature, though indeed you would +have called him neither young nor tall. He was chiefly remarkable for +his emphasised leanness. His hair, very thin on the summit of his head, +was dark short and fine. His eye was of a pale turbid grey, unsuited, +perhaps, to his dark hair and well-drawn brows, but not altogether out +of harmony with his colourless bilious complexion. His nose was aquiline +and delicate; beneath it his moustache languished much rather than +bristled. His mouth and chin were negative, or at the most provisional; +not vulgar, doubtless, but ineffectually refined. A cold fatal +gentlemanly weakness was expressed indeed in his attenuated person. His +eye was restless and deprecating; his whole physiognomy, his manner of +shifting his weight from foot to foot, the spiritless droop of his head, +told of exhausted intentions, of a will relaxed. His dress was neat and +“toned down”--he might have been in mourning. I made up my mind on three +points: he was a bachelor, he was out of health, he was not indigenous +to the soil. The waiter approached him, and they conversed in accents +barely audible. I heard the words “claret,” “sherry” with a tentative +inflexion, and finally “beer” with its last letter changed to “ah.” + Perhaps he was a Russian in reduced circumstances; he reminded me +slightly of certain sceptical cosmopolite Russians whom I had met on the +Continent. While in my extravagant way I followed this train--for +you see I was interested--there appeared a short brisk man with +reddish-brown hair, with a vulgar nose, a sharp blue eye and a red +beard confined to his lower jaw and chin. My putative Russian, still in +possession of the rug, let his mild gaze stray over the dingy ornaments +of the room. The other drew near, and his umbrella dealt a playful +poke at the concave melancholy waistcoat. “A penny ha’penny for your +thoughts!” + +My friend, as I call him, uttered an exclamation, stared, then laid +his two hands on the other’s shoulders. The latter looked round at me +keenly, compassing me in a momentary glance. I read in its own vague +light that this was a transatlantic eyebeam; and with such confidence +that I hardly needed to see its owner, as he prepared, with his +companion, to seat himself at the table adjoining my own, take from his +overcoat-pocket three New York newspapers and lay them beside his +plate. As my neighbours proceeded to dine I felt the crumbs of their +conversation scattered pretty freely abroad. I could hear almost all +they said, without straining to catch it, over the top of the partition +that divided us. Occasionally their voices dropped to recovery of +discretion, but the mystery pieced itself together as if on purpose to +entertain me. Their speech was pitched in the key that may in English +air be called alien in spite of a few coincidences. The voices were +American, however, with a difference; and I had no hesitation in +assigning the softer and clearer sound to the pale thin gentleman, whom +I decidedly preferred to his comrade. The latter began to question him +about his voyage. + +“Horrible, horrible! I was deadly sick from the hour we left New York.” + +“Well, you do look considerably reduced,” said the second-comer. + +“Reduced! I’ve been on the verge of the grave. I haven’t slept six hours +for three weeks.” This was said with great gravity. + +“Well, I’ve made the voyage for the last time.” + +“The plague you have! You mean to locate here permanently?” + +“Oh it won’t be so very permanent!” + +There was a pause; after which: “You’re the same merry old boy, Searle. +Going to give up the ghost to-morrow, eh?” + +“I almost wish I were.” + +“You’re not so sweet on England then? I’ve heard people say at home that +you dress and talk and act like an Englishman. But I know these people +here and I know you. You’re not one of this crowd, Clement Searle, not +you. You’ll go under here, sir; you’ll go under as sure as my name’s +Simmons.” + +Following this I heard a sudden clatter as of the drop of a knife and +fork. “Well, you’re a delicate sort of creature, if it IS your ugly +name! I’ve been wandering about all day in this accursed city, ready +to cry with homesickness and heartsickness and every possible sort of +sickness, and thinking, in the absence of anything better, of meeting +you here this evening and of your uttering some sound of cheer and +comfort and giving me some glimmer of hope. Go under? Ain’t I under now? +I can’t do more than get under the ground!” + +Mr. Simmons’s superior brightness appeared to flicker a moment in this +gust of despair, but the next it was burning steady again. “_Don’t_ ‘cry,’ +Searle,” I heard him say. “Remember the waiter. I’ve grown Englishman +enough for that. For heaven’s sake don’t let’s have any nerves. Nerves +won’t do anything for you here. It’s best to come to the point. Tell me +in three words what you expect of me.” + +I heard another movement, as if poor Searle had collapsed in his +chair. “Upon my word, sir, you’re quite inconceivable. You never got my +letter?” + +“Yes, I got your letter. I was never sorrier to get anything in my +life.” + +At this declaration Mr. Searle rattled out an oath, which it was well +perhaps that I but partially heard. “Abijah Simmons,” he then cried, +“what demon of perversity possesses you? Are you going to betray me here +in a foreign land, to turn out a false friend, a heartless rogue?” + +“Go on, sir,” said sturdy Simmons. “Pour it all out. I’ll wait till +you’ve done. Your beer’s lovely,” he observed independently to the +waiter. “I’ll have some more.” + +“For God’s sake explain yourself!” his companion appealed. + +There was a pause, at the end of which I heard Mr. Simmons set down his +empty tankard with emphasis. “You poor morbid mooning man,” he resumed, +“I don’t want to say anything to make you feel sore. I regularly pity +you. But you must allow that you’ve acted more like a confirmed crank +than a member of our best society--in which every one’s so sensible.” + +Mr. Searle seemed to have made an effort to compose himself. “Be so good +as to tell me then what was the meaning of your letter.” + +“Well, you had got on _my_ nerves, if you want to know, when I wrote it. +It came of my always wishing so to please folks. I had much better have +let you alone. To tell you the plain truth I never was so horrified in +my life as when I found that on the strength of my few kind words you +had come out here to seek your fortune.” + +“What then did you expect me to do?” + +“I expected you to wait patiently till I had made further enquiries and +had written you again.” + +“And you’ve made further enquiries now?” + +“Enquiries! I’ve committed assaults.” + +“And you find I’ve no claim?” + +“No claim that one of _these_ big bugs will look at. It struck me at first +that you had rather a neat little case. I confess the look of it took +hold of me--” + +“Thanks to your liking so to please folks!” Mr. Simmons appeared for +a moment at odds with something; it proved to be with his liquor. “I +rather think your beer’s too good to be true,” he said to the waiter. “I +guess I’ll take water. Come, old man,” he resumed, “don’t challenge me +to the arts of debate, or you’ll have me right down on you, and then you +_will_ feel me. My native sweetness, as I say, was part of it. The idea +that if I put the thing through it would be a very pretty feather in +my cap and a very pretty penny in my purse was part of it. And the +satisfaction of seeing a horrid low American walk right into an old +English estate was a good deal of it. Upon my word, Searle, when I think +of it I wish with all my heart that, extravagant vain man as you are, I +_could_, for the charm of it, put you through! I should hardly care what +you did with the blamed place when you got it. I could leave you alone +to turn it into Yankee notions--into ducks and drakes as they call ‘em +here. I should like to see you tearing round over it and kicking up its +sacred dust in their very faces!” + +“You don’t know me one little bit,” said Mr. Searle, rather shirking, +I thought, the burden of this tribute and for all response to the +ambiguity of the compliment. + +“I should be very glad to think I didn’t, sir. I’ve been to no small +amount of personal inconvenience for you. I’ve pushed my way right up +to the headspring. I’ve got the best opinion that’s to be had. The best +opinion that’s to be had just gives you one leer over its spectacles. I +guess that look will fix you if you ever get it straight. I’ve been +able to tap, indirectly,” Mr. Simmons went on, “the solicitor of your +usurping cousin, and he evidently knows something to be in the wind. It +seems your elder brother twenty years ago put out a feeler. So you’re +not to have the glory of even making them sit up.” + +“I never made any one sit up,” I heard Mr. Searle plead. “I shouldn’t +begin at this time of day. I should approach the subject like a +gentleman.” + +“Well, if you want very much to do something like a gentleman you’ve got +a capital chance. Take your disappointment like a gentleman.” + +I had finished my dinner and had become keenly interested in poor Mr. +Searle’s unencouraging--or unencouraged--claim; so interested that I +at last hated to hear his trouble reflected in his voice without being +able--all respectfully!--to follow it in his face. I left my place, went +over to the fire, took up the evening paper and established a post of +observation behind it. + +His cold counsellor was in the act of choosing a soft chop from the +dish--an act accompanied by a great deal of prying and poking with that +gentleman’s own fork. My disillusioned compatriot had pushed away his +plate; he sat with his elbows on the table, gloomily nursing his head +with his hands. His companion watched him and then seemed to wonder--to +do Mr. Simmons justice--how he could least ungracefully give him up. +“I say, Searle,”--and for my benefit, I think, taking me for a native +ingenuous enough to be dazzled by his wit, he lifted his voice a little +and gave it an ironical ring--“in this country it’s the inestimable +privilege of a loyal citizen, under whatsoever stress of pleasure or of +pain, to make a point of eating his dinner.” + +Mr. Searle gave his plate another push. “Anything may happen now. I +don’t care a straw.” + +“You ought to care. Have another chop and you _will_ care. Have some +better tipple. Take my advice!” Mr. Simmons went on. + +My friend--I adopt that name for him--gazed from between his two hands +coldly before him. “I’ve had enough of your advice.” + +“A little more,” said Simmons mildly; “I shan’t trouble you again. What +do you mean to do?” + +“Nothing.” + +“Oh come!” + +“Nothing, nothing, nothing!” + +“Nothing but starve. How about meeting expenses?” + +“Why do you ask?” said my friend. “You don’t care.” + +“My dear fellow, if you want to make me offer you twenty pounds you set +most clumsily about it. You said just now I don’t know you,” Mr. Simmons +went on. “Possibly. Come back with me then,” he said kindly enough, “and +let’s improve our acquaintance.” + +“I won’t go back. I shall never go back.” + +“Never?” + +“Never.” + +Mr. Simmons thought it shrewdly over. “Well, you _are_ sick!” he exclaimed +presently. “All I can say is that if you’re working out a plan for cold +poison, or for any other act of desperation, you had better give it +right up. You can’t get a dose of the commonest kind of cold poison +for nothing, you know. Look here, Searle”--and the worthy man made what +struck me as a very decent appeal. “If you’ll consent to return home +with me by the steamer of the twenty-third I’ll pay your passage down. +More than that, I’ll pay for your beer.” + +My poor gentleman met it. “I believe I never made up my mind to anything +before, but I think it’s made up now. I shall stay here till I take my +departure for a newer world than any patched-up newness of ours. It’s an +odd feeling--I rather like it! What should I do at home?” + +“You said just now you were homesick.” + +“I meant I was sick for a home. Don’t I belong here? Haven’t I longed to +get here all my life? Haven’t I counted the months and the years till I +should be able to ‘go’ as we say? And now that I’ve ‘gone,’ that is that +I’ve come, must I just back out? No, no, I’ll move on. I’m much obliged +to you for your offer. I’ve enough money for the present. I’ve about my +person some forty pounds’ worth of British gold, and the same amount, +say, of the toughness of the heaven-sent idiot. They’ll see me through +together! After they’re gone I shall lay my head in some English +churchyard, beside some ivied tower, beneath an old gnarled black yew.” + +I had so far distinctly followed the dialogue; but at this point the +landlord entered and, begging my pardon, would suggest that number 12, +a most superior apartment, having now been vacated, it would give him +pleasure if I would look in. I declined to look in, but agreed for +number 12 at a venture and gave myself again, with dissimulation, to +my friends. They had got up; Simmons had put on his overcoat; he stood +polishing his rusty black hat with his napkin. “Do you mean to go down +to the place?” he asked. + +“Possibly. I’ve thought of it so often that I should like to see it.” + +“Shall you call on Mr. Searle?” + +“Heaven forbid!” + +“Something has just occurred to me,” Simmons pursued with a grin that +made his upper lip look more than ever denuded by the razor and jerked +the ugly ornament of his chin into the air. “There’s a certain Miss +Searle, the old man’s sister.” + +“Well?” my gentleman quavered. + +“Well, sir!--you talk of moving on. You might move on the damsel.” + +Mr. Searle frowned in silence and his companion gave him a tap on the +stomach. “Line those ribs a bit first!” He blushed crimson; his eyes +filled with tears. “You ARE a coarse brute,” he said. The scene +quite harrowed me, but I was prevented from seeing it through by the +reappearance of the landlord on behalf of number 12. He represented to +me that I ought in justice to him to come and see how tidy they _had_ +made it. Half an hour afterwards I was rattling along in a hansom toward +Covent Garden, where I heard Madame Bosio in _The Barber of Seville_. On +my return from the opera I went into the coffee-room; it had occurred +to me I might catch there another glimpse of Mr. Searle. I was not +disappointed. I found him seated before the fire with his head sunk on +his breast: he slept, dreaming perhaps of Abijah Simmons. I watched him +for some moments. His closed eyes, in the dim lamplight, looked even +more helpless and resigned, and I seemed to see the fine grain of his +nature in his unconscious mask. They say fortune comes while we sleep, +and, standing there, I felt really tender enough--though otherwise most +unqualified--to be poor Mr. Searle’s fortune. As I walked away I noted +in one of the little prandial pews I have described the melancholy +waiter, whose whiskered chin also reposed on the bulge of his +shirt-front. I lingered a moment beside the old inn-yard in which, upon +a time, the coaches and post-chaises found space to turn and disgorge. +Above the dusky shaft of the enclosing galleries, where lounging lodgers +and crumpled chambermaids and all the picturesque domesticity of a +rattling tavern must have leaned on their elbows for many a year, I made +out the far-off lurid twinkle of the London constellations. At the foot +of the stairs, enshrined in the glittering niche of her well-appointed +bar, the landlady sat napping like some solemn idol amid votive brass +and plate. + +The next morning, not finding the subject of my benevolent curiosity in +the coffee-room, I learned from the waiter that he had ordered breakfast +in bed. Into this asylum I was not yet prepared to pursue him. I spent +the morning in the streets, partly under pressure of business, but +catching all kinds of romantic impressions by the way. To the searching +American eye there is no tint of association with which the great grimy +face of London doesn’t flush. As the afternoon approached, however, +I began to yearn for some site more gracefully classic than what +surrounded me, and, thinking over the excursions recommended to the +ingenuous stranger, decided to take the train to Hampton Court. The day +was the more propitious that it yielded just that dim subaqueous light +which sleeps so fondly upon the English landscape. + +At the end of an hour I found myself wandering through the apartments of +the great palace. They follow each other in infinite succession, with no +great variety of interest or aspect, but with persistent pomp and a fine +specific effect. They are exactly of their various times. You pass from +painted and panelled bedchambers and closets, anterooms, drawing-rooms, +council-rooms, through king’s suite, queen’s suite, prince’s suite, +until you feel yourself move through the appointed hours and stages +of some rigid monarchical day. On one side are the old monumental +upholsteries, the big cold tarnished beds and canopies, with the +circumference of disapparelled royalty symbolised by a gilded +balustrade, and the great carved and yawning chimney-places where +dukes-in-waiting may have warmed their weary heels; on the other, +in deep recesses, rise the immense windows, the framed and draped +embrasures where the sovereign whispered and favourites smiled, looking +out on terraced gardens and misty park. The brown walls are dimly +illumined by innumerable portraits of courtiers and captains, more +especially with various members of the Batavian _entourage_ of William +of Orange, the restorer of the palace; with good store too of the +lily-bosomed models of Lely and Kneller. The whole tone of this +processional interior is singularly stale and sad. The tints of all +things have both faded and darkened--you taste the chill of the place +as you walk from room to room. It was still early in the day and in +the season, and I flattered myself that I was the only visitor. This +complacency, however, dropped at sight of a person standing motionless +before a simpering countess of Sir Peter Lely’s creation. On hearing +my footstep this victim of an evaporated spell turned his head and I +recognised my fellow lodger of the Red Lion. I was apparently recognised +as well; he looked as if he could scarce wait for me to be kind to him, +and in fact didn’t wait. Seeing I had a catalogue he asked the name of +the portrait. On my satisfying him he appealed, rather timidly, as to my +opinion of the lady. + +“Well,” said I, not quite timidly enough perhaps, “I confess she strikes +me as no great matter.” + +He remained silent and was evidently a little abashed. As we strolled +away he stole a sidelong glance of farewell at his leering shepherdess. +To speak with him face to face was to feel keenly that he was no less +interesting than infirm. We talked of our inn, of London, of the palace; +he uttered his mind freely, but seemed to struggle with a weight of +depression. It was an honest mind enough, with no great cultivation but +with a certain natural love of excellent things. I foresaw that I +should find him quite to the manner born--to ours; full of glimpses and +responses, of deserts and desolations. His perceptions would be fine and +his opinions pathetic; I should moreover take refuge from his sense of +proportion in his sense of humour, and then refuge from _that_, ah me!--in +what? On my telling him that I was a fellow citizen he stopped short, +deeply touched, and, silently passing his arm into my own, suffered me +to lead him through the other apartments and down into the gardens. A +large gravelled platform stretches itself before the basement of the +palace, taking the afternoon sun. Parts of the great structure are +reserved for private use and habitation, occupied by state-pensioners, +reduced gentlewomen in receipt of the Queen’s bounty and other deserving +persons. Many of the apartments have their dependent gardens, and here +and there, between the verdure-coated walls, you catch a glimpse of +these somewhat stuffy bowers. My companion and I measured more than once +this long expanse, looking down on the floral figures of the rest of the +affair and on the stoutly-woven tapestry of creeping plants that muffle +the foundations of the huge red pile. I thought of the various images of +old-world gentility which, early and late, must have strolled in front +of it and felt the protection and security of the place. We peeped +through an antique grating into one of the mossy cages and saw an old +lady with a black mantilla on her head, a decanter of water in one hand +and a crutch in the other, come forth, followed by three little dogs and +a cat, to sprinkle a plant. She would probably have had an opinion on +the virtue of Queen Caroline. Feeling these things together made us +quickly, made us extraordinarily, intimate. My companion seemed to ache +with his impression; he scowled, all gently, as if it gave him pain. I +proposed at last that we should dine somewhere on the spot and take +a late train to town. We made our way out of the gardens into the +adjoining village, where we entered an inn which I pronounced, very +sincerely, exactly what we wanted. Mr. Searle had approached our board +as shyly as if it had been a cold bath; but, gradually warming to his +work, he declared at the end of half an hour that for the first time in +a month he enjoyed his victuals. + +“I’m afraid you’re rather out of health,” I risked. + +“Yes, sir--I’m an incurable.” + +The little village of Hampton Court stands clustered about the entrance +of Bushey Park, and after we had dined we lounged along into the +celebrated avenue of horse-chestnuts. There is a rare emotion, familiar +to every intelligent traveller, in which the mind seems to swallow the +sum total of its impressions at a gulp. You take in the whole place, +whatever it be. You feel England, you feel Italy, and the sensation +involves for the moment a kind of thrill. I had known it from time to +time in Italy and had opened my soul to it as to the spirit of the +Lord. Since my landing in England I had been waiting for it to arrive. A +bottle of tolerable Burgundy, at dinner, had perhaps unlocked to it the +gates of sense; it arrived now with irresistible force. Just the scene +around me was the England of one’s early reveries. Over against us, amid +the ripeness of its gardens, the dark red residence, with its formal +facings and its vacant windows, seemed to make the past definite and +massive; the little village, nestling between park and palace, around +a patch of turfy common, with its taverns of figurative names, its +ivy-towered church, its mossy roofs, looked like the property of a +feudal lord. It was in this dark composite light that I had read the +British classics; it was this mild moist air that had blown from the +pages of the poets; while I seemed to feel the buried generations in the +dense and elastic sod. And that I must have testified in some form or +other to what I have called my thrill I gather, remembering it, from a +remark of my companion’s. + +“You’ve the advantage over me in coming to all this with an educated +eye. You already know what old things can be. I’ve never known it but by +report. I’ve always fancied I should like it. In a small way at home, of +course, I did try to stand by my idea of it. I must be a conservative by +nature. People at home used to call me a cockney and a fribble. But it +wasn’t true,” he went on; “if it had been I should have made my way over +here long ago: before--before--” He paused, and his head dropped sadly +on his breast. + +The bottle of Burgundy had loosened his tongue; I had but to choose my +time for learning his story. Something told me that I had gained his +confidence and that, so far as attention and attitude might go, I was +“in” for responsibilities. But somehow I didn’t dread them. “Before you +lost your health,” I suggested. + +“Before I lost my health,” he answered. “And my property--the little I +had. And my ambition. And any power to take myself seriously.” + +“Come!” I cried. “You shall recover everything. This tonic English +climate will wind you up in a month. And _then_ see how you’ll take +yourself--and how I shall take you!” + +“Oh,” he gratefully smiled, “I may turn to dust in your hands! I should +like,” he presently pursued, “to be an old genteel pensioner, lodged +over there in the palace and spending my days in maundering about these +vistas. I should go every morning, at the hour when it gets the sun, +into that long gallery where all those pretty women of Lely’s are +hung--I know you despise them!--and stroll up and down and say something +kind to them. Poor precious forsaken creatures! So flattered and courted +in their day, so neglected now! Offering up their shoulders and ringlets +and smiles to that musty deadly silence!” + +I laid my hand on my friend’s shoulder. “Oh sir, you’re all right!” + +Just at this moment there came cantering down the shallow glade of the +avenue a young girl on a fine black horse--one of those little budding +gentlewomen, perfectly mounted and equipped, who form to alien eyes one +of the prettiest incidents of English scenery. She had distanced her +servant and, as she came abreast of us, turned slightly in her saddle +and glanced back at him. In the movement she dropped the hunting-crop +with which she was armed; whereupon she reined up and looked shyly at +us and at the implement. “This is something better than a Lely,” I +said. Searle hastened forward, picked up the crop and, with a particular +courtesy that became him, handed it back to the rider. Fluttered and +blushing she reached forward, took it with a quick sweet sound, and the +next moment was bounding over the quiet turf. Searle stood watching her; +the servant, as he passed us, touched his hat. When my friend turned +toward me again I saw that he too was blushing. “Oh sir, you’re all +right,” I repeated. + +At a short distance from where we had stopped was an old stone bench. We +went and sat down on it and, as the sun began to sink, watched the light +mist powder itself with gold. “We ought to be thinking of the train back +to London, I suppose,” I at last said. + +“Oh hang the train!” sighed my companion. + +“Willingly. There could be no better spot than this to feel the English +evening stand still.” So we lingered, and the twilight hung about us, +strangely clear in spite of the thickness of the air. As we sat there +came into view an apparition unmistakeable from afar as an immemorial +vagrant--the disowned, in his own rich way, of all the English ages. As +he approached us he slackened pace and finally halted, touching his cap. +He was a man of middle age, clad in a greasy bonnet with false-looking +ear-locks depending from its sides. Round his neck was a grimy red +scarf, tucked into his waistcoat; his coat and trousers had a remote +affinity with those of a reduced hostler. In one hand he had a stick; on +his arm he bore a tattered basket, with a handful of withered +vegetables at the bottom. His face was pale haggard and degraded beyond +description--as base as a counterfeit coin, yet as modelled somehow as +a tragic mask. He too, like everything else, had a history. From what +height had he fallen, from what depth had he risen? He was the perfect +symbol of generated constituted baseness; and I felt before him in +presence of a great artist or actor. + +“For God’s sake, gentlemen,” he said in the raucous tone of +weather-beaten poverty, the tone of chronic sore-throat exacerbated +by perpetual gin, “for God’s sake, gentlemen, have pity on a poor +fern-collector!”--turning up his stale daisies. “Food hasn’t passed my +lips, gentlemen, for the last three days.” We gaped at him and at each +other, and to our imagination his appeal had almost the force of a +command. “I wonder if half-a-crown would help?” I privately wailed. And +our fasting botanist went limping away through the park with the grace +of controlled stupefaction still further enriching his outline. + +“I feel as if I had seen my _Doppelgänger_,” said Searle. “He reminds me +of myself. What am I but a mere figure in the landscape, a wandering +minstrel or picker of daisies?” + +“What are you ‘anyway,’ my friend?” I thereupon took occasion to ask. +“Who are you? kindly tell me.” + +The colour rose again to his pale face and I feared I had offended +him. He poked a moment at the sod with the point of his umbrella before +answering. “Who am I?” he said at last. “My name is Clement Searle. I +was born in New York, and that’s the beginning and the end of me.” + +“Ah not the end!” I made bold to plead. + +“Then it’s because I _have_ no end--any more than an ill-written book. I +just stop anywhere; which means I’m a failure,” the poor man all lucidly +and unreservedly pursued: “a failure, as hopeless and helpless, sir, as +any that ever swallowed up the slender investments of the widow and +the orphan. I don’t pay five cents on the dollar. What I might have +been--once!--there’s nothing left to show. I was rotten before I was +ripe. To begin with, certainly, I wasn’t a fountain of wisdom. All the +more reason for a definite channel--for having a little character and +purpose. But I hadn’t even a little. I had nothing but nice tastes, as +they call them, and fine sympathies and sentiments. Take a turn through +New York to-day and you’ll find the tattered remnants of these things +dangling on every bush and fluttering in every breeze; the men to whom +I lent money, the women to whom I made love, the friends I trusted, the +follies I invented, the poisonous fumes of pleasure amid which nothing +was worth a thought but the manhood they stifled! It was my fault that I +believed in pleasure here below. I believe in it still, but as I believe +in the immortality of the soul. The soul is immortal, certainly--if +you’ve got one; but most people haven’t. Pleasure would be right if it +were pleasure straight through; but it never is. My taste was to be the +best in the world; well, perhaps it was. I had a little money; it went +the way of my little wit. Here in my pocket I have the scant dregs +of it. I should tell you I was the biggest kind of ass. Just now that +description would flatter me; it would assume there’s something left of +me. But the ghost of a donkey--what’s that? I think,” he went on with +a charming turn and as if striking off his real explanation, “I should +have been all right in a world arranged on different lines. Before +heaven, sir--whoever you are--I’m in practice so absurdly tender-hearted +that I can afford to say it: I entered upon life a perfect gentleman. +I had the love of old forms and pleasant rites, and I found them +nowhere--found a world all hard lines and harsh lights, without shade, +without composition, as they say of pictures, without the lovely mystery +of colour. To furnish colour I melted down the very substance of my own +soul. I went about with my brush, touching up and toning down; a very +pretty chiaroscuro you’ll find in my track! Sitting here in this old +park, in this old country, I feel that I hover on the misty verge of +what might have been! I should have been born here and not there; here +my makeshift distinctions would have found things they’d have been true +of. How it was I never got free is more than I can say. It might have +cut the knot, but the knot was too tight. I was always out of health or +in debt or somehow desperately dangling. Besides, I had a horror of the +great black sickening sea. A year ago I was reminded of the existence of +an old claim to an English estate, which has danced before the eyes of +my family, at odd moments, any time these eighty years. I confess it’s a +bit of a muddle and a tangle, and am by no means sure that to this hour +I’ve got the hang of it. You look as if you had a clear head: some other +time, if you consent, we’ll have a go at it, such as it is, together. +Poverty was staring me in the face; I sat down and tried to commit the +‘points’ of our case to memory, as I used to get nine-times-nine by +heart as a boy. I dreamed of it for six months, half-expecting to wake +up some fine morning and hear through a latticed casement the cawing of +an English rookery. A couple of months ago there came out to England on +business of his own a man who once got me out of a dreadful mess (not +that I had hurt anyone but myself), a legal practitioner in our courts, +a very rough diamond, but with a great deal of _flair_, as they say in New +York. It was with him yesterday you saw me dining. He undertook, as +he called it, to ‘nose round’ and see if anything could be made of our +questionable but possible show. The matter had never seriously been +taken up. A month later I got a letter from Simmons assuring me that it +seemed a very good show indeed and that he should be greatly surprised +if I were unable to do something. This was the greatest push I had ever +got in my life; I took a deliberate step, for the first time; I sailed +for England. I’ve been here three days: they’ve seemed three months. +After keeping me waiting for thirty-six hours my legal adviser makes his +appearance last night and states to me, with his mouth full of mutton, +that I haven’t a leg to stand on, that my claim is moonshine, and that +I must do penance and take a ticket for six more days of purgatory +with his presence thrown in. My friend, my friend--shall I say I was +disappointed? I’m already resigned. I didn’t really believe I had +any case. I felt in my deeper consciousness that it was the crowning +illusion of a life of illusions. Well, it was a pretty one. Poor legal +adviser!--I forgive him with all my heart. But for him I shouldn’t be +sitting in this place, in this air, under these impressions. This is a +world I could have got on with beautifully. There’s an immense charm in +its having been kept for the last. After it nothing else would have been +tolerable. I shall now have a month of it, I hope, which won’t be long +enough for it to “go back on me. There’s one thing!”--and here, pausing, +he laid his hand on mine; I rose and stood before him--“I wish it were +possible you should be with me to the end.” + +“I promise you to leave you only when you kick me downstairs.” But I +suggested my terms. “It must be on condition of your omitting from your +conversation this intolerable flavour of mortality. I know nothing of +‘ends.’ I’m all for beginnings.” + +He kept on me his sad weak eyes. Then with a faint smile: “Don’t cut +down a man you find hanging. He has had a reason for it. I’m bankrupt.” + +“Oh health’s money!” I said. “Get well, and the rest will take care of +itself. I’m interested in your questionable claim--it’s the question +that’s the charm; and pretenders, to anything big enough, have always +been, for me, an attractive class. Only their first duty’s to be +gallant.” + +“Their first duty’s to understand their own points and to know their own +mind,” he returned with hopeless lucidity. “Don’t ask me to climb our +family tree now,” he added; “I fear I haven’t the head for it. I’ll try +some day--if it will bear my weight; or yours added to mine. There’s +no doubt, however, that we, as they say, go back. But I know nothing of +business. If I were to take the matter in hand I should break in two the +poor little silken thread from which everything hangs. In a better world +than this I think I should be listened to. But the wind doesn’t set to +ideal justice. There’s no doubt that a hundred years ago we suffered +a palpable wrong. Yet we made no appeal at the time, and the dust of a +century now lies heaped upon our silence. Let it rest!” + +“What then,” I asked, “is the estimated value of your interest?” + +“We were instructed from the first to accept a compromise. Compared with +the whole property our ideas have been small. We were once advised in +the sense of a hundred and thirty thousand dollars. Why a hundred and +thirty I’m sure I don’t know. Don’t beguile me into figures.” + +“Allow me one more question,” I said. “Who’s actually in possession?” + +“A certain Mr. Richard Searle. I know nothing about him.” + +“He’s in some way related to you?” + +“Our great-grandfathers were half-brothers. What does that make us?” + +“Twentieth cousins, say. And where does your twentieth cousin live?” + +“At a place called Lackley--in Middleshire.” + +I thought it over. “Well, suppose we look up Lackley in Middleshire!” + +He got straight up. “Go and see it?” + +“Go and see it.” + +“Well,” he said, “with you I’ll go anywhere.” + +On our return to town we determined to spend three days there together +and then proceed to our errand. We were as conscious one as the other of +that deeper mystic appeal made by London to those superstitious pilgrims +who feel it the mother-city of their race, the distributing heart of +their traditional life. Certain characteristics of the dusky Babylon, +certain aspects, phases, features, “say” more to the American spiritual +ear than anything else in Europe. The influence of these things on +Searle it charmed me to note. His observation I soon saw to be, as +I pronounced it to him, searching and caressing. His almost morbid +appetite for any over-scoring of time, well-nigh extinct from long +inanition, threw the flush of its revival into his face and his talk. + + + + +II + +We looked out the topography of Middleshire in a county-guide, which +spoke highly, as the phrase is, of Lackley Park, and took up our abode, +our journey ended, at a wayside inn where, in the days of leisure, the +coach must have stopped for luncheon and burnished pewters of rustic +ale been handed up as straight as possible to outsiders athirst with +the sense of speed. We stopped here for mere gaping joy of its +steep-thatched roof, its latticed windows, its hospitable porch, and +allowed a couple of days to elapse in vague undirected strolls and sweet +sentimental observance of the land before approaching the particular +business that had drawn us on. The region I allude to is a compendium +of the general physiognomy of England. The noble friendliness of the +scenery, its latent old-friendliness, the way we scarcely knew whether +we were looking at it for the first or the last time, made it arrest us +at every step. The countryside, in the full warm rains of the last +of April, had burst into sudden perfect spring. The dark walls of the +hedgerows had turned into blooming screens, the sodden verdure of lawn +and meadow been washed over with a lighter brush. We went forth without +loss of time for a long walk on the great grassy hills, smooth arrested +central billows of some primitive upheaval, from the summits of which +you find half England unrolled at your feet. A dozen broad counties, +within the scope of your vision, commingle their green exhalations. +Closely beneath us lay the dark rich hedgy flats and the copse-chequered +slopes, white with the blossom of apples. At widely opposite points of +the expanse two great towers of cathedrals rose sharply out of a reddish +blur of habitation, taking the mild English light. + +We gave an irrepressible attention to this same solar reserve, and found +in it only a refinement of art. The sky never was empty and never idle; +the clouds were continually at play for our benefit. Over against +us, from our station on the hills, we saw them piled and dissolved, +condensed and shifted, blotting the blue with sullen rain-spots, +stretching, breeze-fretted, into dappled fields of grey, bursting into +an explosion of light or melting into a drizzle of silver. We made our +way along the rounded ridge of the downs and reached, by a descent, +through slanting angular fields, green to cottage-doors, a russet +village that beckoned us from the heart of the maze in which the hedges +wrapped it up. Close beside it, I admit, the roaring train bounces out +of a hole in the hills; yet there broods upon this charming hamlet an +old-time quietude that makes a violation of confidence of naming it so +far away. We struck through a narrow lane, a green lane, dim with its +barriers of hawthorn; it led us to a superb old farmhouse, now rather +rudely jostled by the multiplied roads and by-ways that have reduced its +ancient appanage. It stands there in stubborn picturesqueness, doggedly +submitting to be pointed out and sketched. It is a wonderful image of +the domiciliary conditions of the past--cruelly complete; with bended +beams and joists, beneath the burden of gables, that seem to ache and +groan with memories and regrets. The short low windows, where lead and +glass combine equally to create an inward gloom, retain their opacity as +a part of the primitive idea of defence. Such an old house provokes on +the part of an American a luxury of respect. So propped and patched, so +tinkered with clumsy tenderness, clustered so richly about its central +English sturdiness, its oaken vertebrations, so humanised with ages +of use and touches of beneficent affection, it seemed to offer to our +grateful eyes a small rude symbol of the great English social order. +Passing out upon the highroad, we came to the common browsing-patch, +the “village-green” of the tales of our youth. Nothing was absent: the +shaggy mouse-coloured donkey, nosing the turf with his mild and huge +proboscis, the geese, the old woman--_the_ old woman, in person, with +her red cloak and her black bonnet, frilled about the face and +double-frilled beside her decent placid cheeks--the towering ploughman +with his white smock-frock puckered on chest and back, his short +corduroys, his mighty calves, his big red rural face. We greeted these +things as children greet the loved pictures in a storybook lost and +mourned and found again. We recognised them as one recognises the +handwriting on letter-backs. Beside the road we saw a ploughboy straddle +whistling on a stile, and he had the merit of being not only a ploughboy +but a Gainsborough. Beyond the stile, across the level velvet of a +meadow, a footpath wandered like a streak drawn by a finger over a +surface of fine plush. We followed it from field to field and from +stile to stile; it was all adorably the way to church. At the church we +finally arrived, lost in its rook-haunted churchyard, hidden from the +workday world by the broad stillness of pastures--a grey, grey tower, a +huge black yew, a cluster of village-graves with crooked headstones and +protrusions that had settled and sunk. The place seemed so to ache with +consecration that my sensitive companion gave way to the force of it. + +“You must bury me here, you know”--he caught at my arm. “It’s the first +place of worship I’ve seen in my life. How it makes a Sunday where it +stands!” + +It took the Church, we agreed, to make churches, but we had the sense +the next day of seeing still better why. We walked over some seven +miles, to the nearer of the two neighbouring seats of that lesson; and +all through such a mist of local colour that we felt ourselves a pair +of Smollett’s pedestrian heroes faring tavernward for a night of +adventures. As we neared the provincial city we saw the steepled mass of +the cathedral, long and high, rise far into the cloud-freckled blue; and +as we got closer stopped on a bridge and looked down at the reflexion of +the solid minster in a yellow stream. Going further yet we entered +the russet town--where surely Miss Austen’s heroines, in chariots +and curricles, must often have come a-shopping for their sandals and +mittens; we lounged in the grassed and gravelled precinct and gazed +insatiably at that most soul-soothing sight, the waning wasting +afternoon light, the visible ether that feels the voices of the chimes +cling far aloft to the quiet sides of the cathedral-tower; saw it linger +and nestle and abide, as it loves to do on all perpendicular spaces, +converting them irresistibly into registers and dials; tasted too, as +deeply, of the peculiar stillness of this place of priests; saw a rosy +English lad come forth and lock the door of the old foundation-school +that dovetailed with cloister and choir, and carry his big responsible +key into one of the quiet canonical houses: and then stood musing +together on the effect on one’s mind of having in one’s boyhood gone and +come through cathedral-shades as a King’s scholar, and yet kept ruddy +with much cricket in misty river meadows. On the third morning we betook +ourselves to Lackley, having learned that parts of the “grounds” were +open to visitors, and that indeed on application the house was sometimes +shown. + +Within the range of these numerous acres the declining spurs of the +hills continued to undulate and subside. A long avenue wound and circled +from the outermost gate through an untrimmed woodland, whence you +glanced at further slopes and glades and copses and bosky recesses--at +everything except the limits of the place. It was as free and untended +as I had found a few of the large loose villas of old Italy, and I was +still never to see the angular fact of English landlordism muffle itself +in so many concessions. The weather had just become perfect; it was one +of the dozen exquisite days of the English year--days stamped with a +purity unknown in climates where fine weather is cheap. It was as if the +mellow brightness, as tender as that of the primroses which starred the +dark waysides like petals wind-scattered over beds of moss, had been +meted out to us by the cubic foot--distilled from an alchemist’s +crucible. From this pastoral abundance we moved upon the more composed +scene, the park proper--passed through a second lodge-gate, with +weather-worn gilding on its twisted bars, to the smooth slopes where the +great trees stood singly and the tame deer browsed along the bed of +a woodland stream. Here before us rose the gabled grey front of the +Tudor-time, developed and terraced and gardened to some later loss, as +we were afterwards to know, of type. + +“Here you can wander all day,” I said to Searle, “like an exiled +prince who has come back on tiptoe and hovers about the dominion of the +usurper.” + +“To think of ‘others’ having hugged this all these years!” he answered. +“I know what I am, but what might I have been? What do such places make +of a man?” + +“I dare say he gets stupidly used to them,” I said. “But I dare say too, +even then, that when you scratch the mere owner you find the perfect +lover.” + +“What a perfect scene and background it forms!” my friend, however, +had meanwhile gone on. “What legends, what histories it knows! My heart +really breaks with all I seem to guess. There’s Tennyson’s Talking Oak! +What summer days one could spend here! How I could lounge the rest of my +life away on this turf of the middle ages! Haven’t I some maiden-cousin +in that old hall, or grange, or court--what in the name of enchantment +do you call the thing?--who would give me kind leave?” And then he +turned almost fiercely upon me. “Why did you bring me here? Why did you +drag me into this distraction of vain regrets?” + +At this moment there passed within call a decent lad who had emerged +from the gardens and who might have been an underling in the stables. I +hailed him and put the question of our possible admittance to the house. +He answered that the master was away from home, but that he thought it +probable the housekeeper would consent to do the honours. I passed my +arm into Searle’s. “Come,” I said; “drain the cup, bitter-sweet though +it be. We must go in.” We hastened slowly and approached the fine front. +The house was one of the happiest fruits of its freshly-feeling era, +a multitudinous cluster of fair gables and intricate chimneys, brave +projections and quiet recesses, brown old surfaces weathered to silver +and mottled roofs that testified not to seasons but to centuries. Two +broad terraces commanded the wooded horizon. Our appeal was answered by +a butler who condescended to our weakness. He renewed the assertion that +Mr. Searle was away from home, but he would himself lay our case before +the housekeeper. We would be so good, however, as to give him our cards. +This request, following so directly on the assertion that Mr. Searle +was absent, was rather resented by my companion. “Surely not for the +housekeeper.” + +The butler gave a diplomatic cough. “Miss Searle is at home, sir.” + +“Yours alone will have to serve,” said my friend. I took out a card and +pencil and wrote beneath my name _New York_. As I stood with the pencil +poised a temptation entered into it. Without in the least considering +proprieties or results I let my implement yield--I added above my name +that of Mr. Clement Searle. What would come of it? + +Before many minutes the housekeeper waited upon us--a fresh rosy little +old woman in a clean dowdy cap and a scanty sprigged gown; a quaint +careful person, but accessible to the tribute of our pleasure, to say +nothing of any other. She had the accent of the country, but the manners +of the house. Under her guidance we passed through a dozen apartments, +duly stocked with old pictures, old tapestry, old carvings, old armour, +with a hundred ornaments and treasures. The pictures were especially +valuable. The two Vandykes, the trio of rosy Rubenses, the sole and +sombre Rembrandt, glowed with conscious authenticity. A Claude, a +Murillo, a Greuze, a couple of Gainsboroughs, hung there with high +complacency. Searle strolled about, scarcely speaking, pale and grave, +with bloodshot eyes and lips compressed. He uttered no comment on what +we saw--he asked but a question or two. Missing him at last from my side +I retraced my steps and found him in a room we had just left, on a faded +old ottoman and with his elbows on his knees and his face buried in +his hands. Before him, ranged on a great _crédence_, was a magnificent +collection of old Italian majolica; plates of every shape, with their +glaze of happy colour, jugs and vases nobly bellied and embossed. There +seemed to rise before me, as I looked, a sudden vision of the young +English gentleman who, eighty years ago, had travelled by slow stages to +Italy and been waited on at his inn by persuasive toymen. “What is it, +my dear man?” I asked. “Are you unwell?” + +He uncovered his haggard face and showed me the flush of a consciousness +sharper, I think, to myself than to him. “A memory of the past! +There comes back to me a china vase that used to stand on the parlour +mantel-shelf when I was a boy, with a portrait of General Jackson +painted on one side and a bunch of flowers on the other. How long do you +suppose that majolica has been in the family?” + +“A long time probably. It was brought hither in the last century, into +old, old England, out of old, old Italy, by some contemporary dandy with +a taste for foreign gimcracks. Here it has stood for a hundred years, +keeping its clear firm hues in this quiet light that has never sought to +advertise it.” + +Searle sprang to his feet. “I say, for mercy’s sake, take me away! I +can’t stand this sort of thing. Before I know it I shall do something +scandalous. I shall steal some of their infernal crockery. I shall +proclaim my identity and assert my rights. I shall go blubbering to Miss +Searle and ask her in pity’s name to ‘put me up.’” + +If he could ever have been said to threaten complications he rather +visibly did so now. I began to regret my officious presentation of +his name and prepared without delay to lead him out of the house. We +overtook the housekeeper in the last room of the series, a small unused +boudoir over whose chimney-piece hung a portrait of a young man in a +powdered wig and a brocaded waistcoat. I was struck with his resemblance +to my companion while our guide introduced him. “This is Mr. Clement +Searle, Mr. Searle’s great-uncle, by Sir Joshua Reynolds. He died young, +poor gentleman; he perished at sea, going to America.” + +“He was the young buck who brought the majolica out of Italy,” I +supplemented. + +“Indeed, sir, I believe he did,” said the housekeeper without wonder. + +“He’s the image of you, my dear Searle,” I further observed. + +“He’s remarkably like the gentleman, saving his presence,” said the +housekeeper. + +My friend stood staring. “Clement Searle--at sea--going to America--?” + he broke out. Then with some sharpness to our old woman: “Why the devil +did he go to America?” + +“Why indeed, sir? You may well ask. I believe he had kinsfolk there. It +was for them to come to him.” + +Searle broke into a laugh. “It was for them to come to him! Well, well,” + he said, fixing his eyes on our guide, “they’ve come to him at last!” + +She blushed like a wrinkled rose-leaf. “Indeed, sir, I verily believe +you’re one of _us!_” + +“My name’s the name of that beautiful youth,” Searle went on. “Dear +kinsman I’m happy to meet you! And what do you think of this?” he +pursued as he grasped me by the arm. “I have an idea. He perished at +sea. His spirit came ashore and wandered about in misery till it got +another incarnation--in this poor trunk!” And he tapped his hollow +chest. “Here it has rattled about these forty years, beating its wings +against its rickety cage, begging to be taken home again. And I never +knew what was the matter with me! Now at last the bruised spirit can +escape!” + +Our old lady gaped at a breadth of appreciation--if not at the +disclosure of a connexion--beyond her. The scene was really +embarrassing, and my confusion increased as we became aware of another +presence. A lady had appeared in the doorway and the housekeeper dropped +just audibly: “Miss Searle!” My first impression of Miss Searle was that +she was neither young nor beautiful. She stood without confidence on the +threshold, pale, trying to smile and twirling my card in her fingers. +I immediately bowed. Searle stared at her as if one of the pictures had +stepped out of its frame. + +“If I’m not mistaken one of you gentlemen is Mr. Clement Searle,” the +lady adventured. + +“My friend’s Mr. Clement Searle,” I took upon myself to reply. “Allow me +to add that I alone am responsible for your having received his name.” + +“I should have been sorry not to--not to see him,” said Miss Searle, +beginning to blush. “Your being from America has led me--perhaps to +intrude!” + +“The intrusion, madam, has been on our part. And with just that +excuse--that we come from so far away.” + +Miss Searle, while I spoke, had fixed her eyes on my friend as he stood +silent beneath Sir Joshua’s portrait. The housekeeper, agitated and +mystified, fairly let herself go. “Heaven preserve us, Miss! It’s your +great-uncle’s picture come to life.” + +“I’m not mistaken then,” said Miss Searle--“we must be distantly +related.” She had the air of the shyest of women, for whom it was almost +anguish to make an advance without help. Searle eyed her with gentle +wonder from head to foot, and I could easily read his thoughts. This +then was his maiden-cousin, prospective mistress of these hereditary +treasures. She was of some thirty-five years of age, taller than was +then common and perhaps stouter than is now enjoined. She had small +kind grey eyes, a considerable quantity of very light-brown hair and a +smiling well-formed mouth. She was dressed in a lustreless black +satin gown with a short train. Disposed about her neck was a blue +handkerchief, and over this handkerchief, in many convolutions, a string +of amber beads. Her appearance was singular; she was large yet somehow +vague, mature yet undeveloped. Her manner of addressing us spoke of all +sorts of deep diffidences. Searle, I think, had prefigured to himself +some proud cold beauty of five-and-twenty; he was relieved at finding +the lady timid and not obtrusively fair. He at once had an excellent +tone. + +“We’re distant cousins, I believe. I’m happy to claim a relationship +which you’re so good as to remember. I hadn’t counted on your knowing +anything about me.” + +“Perhaps I’ve done wrong.” And Miss Searle blushed and smiled anew. “But +I’ve always known of there being people of our blood in America, and +have often wondered and asked about them--without ever learning much. +To-day, when this card was brought me and I understood a Clement Searle +to be under our roof as a stranger, I felt I ought to do something. But, +you know, I hardly knew what. My brother’s in London. I’ve done what I +think he would have done. Welcome as a cousin.” And with a resolution +that ceased to be awkward she put out her hand. + +“I’m welcome indeed if he would have done it half so graciously!” Again +Searle, taking her hand, acquitted himself beautifully. + +“You’ve seen what there is, I think,” Miss Searle went on. “Perhaps now +you’ll have luncheon.” We followed her into a small breakfast-room where +a deep bay window opened on the mossy flags of a terrace. Here, for some +moments, she remained dumb and abashed, as if resting from a measurable +effort. Searle too had ceased to overflow, so that I had to relieve the +silence. It was of course easy to descant on the beauties of park and +mansion, and as I did so I observed our hostess. She had no arts, no +impulses nor graces--scarce even any manners; she was queerly, almost +frowsily dressed; yet she pleased me well. She had an antique sweetness, +a homely fragrance of old traditions. To be so simple, among those +complicated treasures, so pampered and yet so fresh, so modest and yet +so placid, told of just the spacious leisure in which Searle and I had +imagined human life to be steeped in such places as that. This figure +was to the Sleeping Beauty in the Wood what a fact is to a fairy-tale, +an interpretation to a myth. We, on our side, were to our hostess +subjects of a curiosity not cunningly veiled. + +“I should like so to go abroad!” she exclaimed suddenly, as if she meant +us to take the speech for an expression of interest in ourselves. + +“Have you never been?” one of us asked. + +“Only once. Three years ago my brother took me to Switzerland. We +thought it extremely beautiful. Except for that journey I’ve always +lived here. I was born in this house. It’s a dear old place indeed, and +I know it well. Sometimes one wants a change.” And on my asking her +how she spent her time and what society she saw, “Of course it’s very +quiet,” she went on, proceeding by short steps and simple statements, in +the manner of a person called upon for the first time to analyse to that +extent her situation. “We see very few people. I don’t think there are +many nice ones hereabouts. At least we don’t know them. Our own family’s +very small. My brother cares for nothing but riding and books. He had +a great sorrow ten years ago. He lost his wife and his only son, a dear +little boy, who of course would have had everything. Do you know that +that makes me the heir, as they’ve done something--I don’t quite +know what--to the entail? Poor old me! Since his loss my brother has +preferred to be quite alone. I’m sorry he’s away. But you must wait till +he comes back. I expect him in a day or two.” She talked more and more, +as if our very strangeness led her on, about her circumstances, her +solitude, her bad eyes, so that she couldn’t read, her flowers, her +ferns, her dogs, and the vicar, recently presented to the living by +her brother and warranted quite safe, who had lately begun to light his +altar candles; pausing every now and then to gasp in self-surprise, yet, +in the quaintest way in the world, keeping up her story as if it were +a slow rather awkward old-time dance, a difficult _pas seul_ in which +she would have been better with more practice, but of which she must +complete the figure. Of all the old things I had seen in England this +exhibited mind of Miss Searle’s seemed to me the oldest, the most handed +down and taken for granted; fenced and protected as it was by convention +and precedent and usage, thoroughly acquainted with its subordinate +place. I felt as if I were talking with the heroine of a last-century +novel. As she talked she rested her dull eyes on her kinsman with +wondering kindness. At last she put it to him: “Did you mean to go away +without asking for us?” + +“I had thought it over, Miss Searle, and had determined not to trouble +you. You’ve shown me how unfriendly I should have been.” + +“But you knew of the place being ours, and of our relationship?” + +“Just so. It was because of these things that I came down here--because +of them almost that I came to England. I’ve always liked to think of +them,” said my companion. + +“You merely wished to look then? We don’t pretend to be much to look +at.” + +He waited; her words were too strange. “You don’t know what you are, +Miss Searle.” + +“You like the old place then?” + +Searle looked at her again in silence. “If I could only tell you!” he +said at last. + +“Do tell me. You must come and stay with us.” + +It moved him to an oddity of mirth. “Take care, take care--I should +surprise you! I’m afraid I should bore you. I should never leave you.” + +“Oh you’d get homesick--for your real home!” + +At this he was still more amused. “By the way, tell Miss Searle about +our real home,” he said to me. And he stepped, through the window, out +upon the terrace, followed by two beautiful dogs, a setter and a young +stag-hound who from the moment we came in had established the fondest +relation with him. Miss Searle looked at him, while he went, as if she +vaguely yearned over him; it began to be plain that she was interested +in her exotic cousin. I suddenly recalled the last words I had heard +spoken by my friend’s adviser in London and which, in a very crude form, +had reference to his making a match with this lady. If only Miss Searle +could be induced to think of that, and if one had but the tact to put it +in a light to her! Something assured me that her heart was virgin-soil, +that the flower of romantic affection had never bloomed there. If I +might just sow the seed! There seemed to shape itself within her the +perfect image of one of the patient wives of old. + +“He has lost his heart to England,” I said. “He ought to have been born +here.” + +“And yet he doesn’t look in the least an Englishman,” she still rather +guardedly prosed. + +“Oh it isn’t his looks, poor fellow.” + +“Of course looks aren’t everything. I never talked with a foreigner +before; but he talks as I have fancied foreigners.” + +“Yes, he’s foreign enough.” + +“Is he married?” + +“His wife’s dead and he’s all alone in the world.” + +“Has he much property?” + +“None to speak of.” + +“But he has means to travel.” + +I meditated. “He has not expected to travel far,” I said at last. “You +know, he’s in very poor health.” + +“Poor gentleman! So I supposed.” + +“But there’s more of him to go on with than he thinks. He came here +because he wanted to see your place before he dies.” + +“Dear me--kind man!” And I imagined in the quiet eyes the hint of a +possible tear. “And he was going away without my seeing him?” + +“He’s very modest, you see.” + +“He’s very much the gentleman.” + +I couldn’t but smile. “He’s _all_--” + +At this moment we heard on the terrace a loud harsh cry. “It’s the great +peacock!” said Miss Searle, stepping to the window and passing out while +I followed her. Below us, leaning on the parapet, stood our appreciative +friend with his arm round the neck of the setter. Before him on +the grand walk strutted the familiar fowl of gardens--a splendid +specimen--with ruffled neck and expanded tail. The other dog had +apparently indulged in a momentary attempt to abash the gorgeous biped, +but at Searle’s summons had bounded back to the terrace and leaped upon +the ledge, where he now stood licking his new friend’s face. The scene +had a beautiful old-time air: the peacock flaunting in the foreground +like the genius of stately places; the broad terrace, which flattered +an innate taste of mine for all deserted walks where people may have sat +after heavy dinners to drink coffee in old Sevres and where the stiff +brocade of women’s dresses may have rustled over grass or gravel; and +far around us, with one leafy circle melting into another, the timbered +acres of the park. “The very beasts have made him welcome,” I noted as +we rejoined our companion. + +“The peacock has done for you, Mr. Searle,” said his cousin, “what he +does only for very great people. A year ago there came here a great +person--a grand old lady--to see my brother. I don’t think that since +then he has spread his tail as wide for any one else--not by a dozen +feathers.” + +“It’s not alone the peacock,” said Searle. “Just now there came slipping +across my path a little green lizard, the first I ever saw, the lizard +of literature! And if you’ve a ghost, broad daylight though it be, +I expect to see him here. Do you know the annals of your house, Miss +Searle?” + +“Oh dear, no! You must ask my brother for all those things.” + +“You ought to have a collection of legends and traditions. You ought to +have loves and murders and mysteries by the roomful. I shall be ashamed +of you if you haven’t.” + +“Oh Mr. Searle! We’ve always been a very well-behaved family,” she quite +seriously pleaded. “Nothing out of the way has ever happened, I think.” + +“Nothing out of the way? Oh that won’t do! We’ve managed better than +that in America. Why I myself!”--and he looked at her ruefully enough, +but enjoying too his idea that he might embody the social scandal or +point to the darkest drama of the Searles. “Suppose I should turn out +a better Searle than you--better than you nursed here in romance and +extravagance? Come, don’t disappoint me. You’ve some history among you +all, you’ve some poetry, you’ve some accumulation of legend. I’ve been +famished all my days for these things. Don’t you understand? Ah you +can’t understand! Tell me,” he rambled on, “something tremendous. When +I think of what must have happened here; of the lovers who must have +strolled on this terrace and wandered under the beeches, of all the +figures and passions and purposes that must have haunted these walls! +When I think of the births and deaths, the joys and sufferings, the +young hopes and the old regrets, the rich experience of life--!” He +faltered a moment with the increase of his agitation. His humour of +dismay at a threat of the commonplace in the history he felt about him +had turned to a deeper reaction. I began to fear however that he was +really losing his head. He went on with a wilder play. “To see it all +called up there before me, if the Devil alone could do it I’d make a +bargain with the Devil! Ah Miss Searle,” he cried, “I’m a most unhappy +man!” + +“Oh dear, oh dear!” she almost wailed while I turned half away. + +“Look at that window, that dear little window!” I turned back to see him +point to a small protruding oriel, above us, relieved against the purple +brickwork, framed in chiselled stone and curtained with ivy. + +“It’s my little room,” she said. + +“Of course it’s a woman’s room. Think of all the dear faces--all of them +so mild and yet so proud--that have looked out of that lattice, and of +all the old-time women’s lives whose principal view of the world has +been this quiet park! Every one of them was a cousin of mine. And you, +dear lady, you’re one of them yet.” With which he marched toward her and +took her large white hand. She surrendered it, blushing to her eyes +and pressing her other hand to her breast. “You’re a woman of the past. +You’re nobly simple. It has been a romance to see you. It doesn’t matter +what I say to you. You didn’t know me yesterday, you’ll not know me +to-morrow. Let me to-day do a mad sweet thing. Let me imagine in you the +spirit of all the dead women who have trod the terrace-flags that lie +here like sepulchral tablets in the pavement of a church. Let me say I +delight in you!”--he raised her hand to his lips. She gently withdrew it +and for a moment averted her face. Meeting her eyes the next instant I +saw the tears had come. The Sleeping Beauty was awake. + +There followed an embarrassed pause. An issue was suddenly presented by +the appearance of the butler bearing a letter. “A telegram, Miss,” he +announced. + +“Oh what shall I do?” cried Miss Searle. “I can’t open a telegram. +Cousin, help me.” + +Searle took the missive, opened it and read aloud: “_I shall be home to +dinner. Keep the American._” + + + + +III + +“Keep the American!” Miss Searle, in compliance with the injunction +conveyed in her brother’s telegram (with something certainly of +telegraphic curtness), lost no time in expressing the pleasure it would +give her that our friend should remain. “Really you must,” she said; +and forthwith repaired to the house-keeper to give orders for the +preparation of a room. + +“But how in the world did he know of my being here?” my companion put to +me. + +I answered that he had probably heard from his solicitor of the other’s +visit. “Mr. Simmons and that gentleman must have had another interview +since your arrival in England. Simmons, for reasons of his own, has +made known to him your journey to this neighbourhood, and Mr. Searle, +learning this, has immediately taken for granted that you’ve formally +presented yourself to his sister. He’s hospitably inclined and wishes +her to do the proper thing by you. There may even,” I went on, “be more +in it than that. I’ve my little theory that he’s the very phoenix of +usurpers, that he has been very much struck with what the experts have +had to say for you, and that he wishes to have the originality of making +over to you your share--so limited after all--of the estate.” + +“I give it up!” my friend mused. “Come what come will!” + +“You, of course,” said Miss Searle, reappearing and turning to me, “are +included in my brother’s invitation. I’ve told them to see about a room +for you. Your luggage shall immediately be sent for.” + +It was arranged that I in person should be driven over to our little inn +and that I should return with our effects in time to meet Mr. Searle at +dinner. On my arrival several hours later I was immediately conducted +to my room. The servant pointed out to me that it communicated by a +door and a private passage with that of my fellow visitor. I made my way +along this passage--a low narrow corridor with a broad latticed casement +through which there streamed upon a series of grotesquely sculptured +oaken closets and cupboards the vivid animating glow of the western +sun--knocked at his door and, getting no answer, opened it. In an +armchair by the open window sat my friend asleep, his arms and legs +relaxed and head dropped on his breast. It was a great relief to see him +rest thus from his rhapsodies, and I watched him for some moments before +waking him. There was a faint glow of colour in his cheek and a light +expressive parting of his lips, something nearer to ease and peace than +I had yet seen in him. It was almost happiness, it was almost health. I +laid my hand on his arm and gently shook it. He opened his eyes, gazed +at me a moment, vaguely recognised me, then closed them again. “Let me +dream, let me dream!” + +“What are you dreaming about?” + +A moment passed before his answer came. “About a tall woman in a quaint +black dress, with yellow hair and a sweet, sweet smile, and a soft low +delicious voice! I’m in love with her.” + +“It’s better to see her than to dream about her,” I said. “Get up and +dress; then we’ll go down to dinner and meet her.” + +“Dinner--dinner--?” And he gradually opened his eyes again. “Yes, upon +my word I shall dine!” + +“Oh you’re all right!” I declared for the twentieth time as he rose to +his feet. “You’ll live to bury Mr. Simmons.” He told me he had spent the +hours of my absence with Miss Searle--they had strolled together half +over the place. “You must be very intimate,” I smiled. + +“She’s intimate with _me_. Goodness knows what rigmarole I’ve treated her +to!” They had parted an hour ago; since when, he believed, her brother +had arrived. + +The slow-fading twilight was still in the great drawing-room when we +came down. The housekeeper had told us this apartment was rarely used, +there being others, smaller and more convenient, for the same needs. +It seemed now, however, to be occupied in my comrade’s honour. At the +furthest end, rising to the roof like a royal tomb in a cathedral, was +a great chimney-piece of chiselled white marble, yellowed by time, in +which a light fire was crackling. Before the fire stood a small short +man, with his hands behind him; near him was Miss Searle, so transformed +by her dress that at first I scarcely knew her. There was in our +entrance and reception something remarkably chilling and solemn. We +moved in silence up the long room; Mr. Searle advanced slowly, a dozen +steps, to meet us; his sister stood motionless. I was conscious of her +masking her visage with a large white tinselled fan, and that her eyes, +grave and enlarged, watched us intently over the top of it. The master +of Lackley grasped in silence the proffered hand of his kinsman and eyed +him from head to foot, suppressing, I noted, a start of surprise at his +resemblance to Sir Joshua’s portrait. “This is a happy day.” And then +turning to me with an odd little sharp stare: “My cousin’s friend is my +friend.” Miss Searle lowered her fan. + +The first thing that struck me in Mr. Searle’s appearance was his very +limited stature, which was less by half a head than that of his sister. +The second was the preternatural redness of his hair and beard. They +intermingled over his ears and surrounded his head like a huge lurid +nimbus. His face was pale and attenuated, the face of a scholar, a +dilettante, a comparer of points and texts, a man who lives in a library +bending over books and prints and medals. At a distance it might have +passed for smooth and rather blankly composed; but on a nearer view +it revealed a number of wrinkles, sharply etched and scratched, of a +singularly aged and refined effect. It was the complexion of a man of +sixty. His nose was arched and delicate, identical almost with the nose +of my friend. His eyes, large and deep-set, had a kind of auburn glow, +the suggestion of a keen metal red-hot--or, more plainly, were full +of temper and spirit. Imagine this physiognomy--grave and solemn, +grotesquely solemn, in spite of the bushy brightness which made a sort +of frame for it--set in motion by a queer, quick, defiant, perfunctory, +preoccupied smile, and you will have an imperfect notion of the +remarkable presence of our host; something better worth seeing and +knowing, I perceived as I quite breathlessly took him in, than anything +we had yet encountered. How thoroughly I had entered into sympathy +with my poor picked-up friend, and how effectually I had associated my +sensibilities with his own, I had not suspected till, within the short +five minutes before the signal for dinner, I became aware, without his +giving me the least hint, of his placing himself on the defensive. To +neither of us was Mr. Searle sympathetic. I might have guessed from her +attitude that his sister entered into our thoughts. A marked change had +been wrought in her since the morning; during the hour, indeed--as +I read in the light of the wondering glance he cast at her--that had +elapsed since her parting with her cousin. She had not yet recovered +from some great agitation. Her face was pale and she had clearly +been crying. These notes of trouble gave her a new and quite perverse +dignity, which was further enhanced by something complimentary and +commemorative in her dress. + +Whether it was taste or whether it was accident I know not; but the +amiable creature, as she stood there half in the cool twilight, half in +the arrested glow of the fire as it spent itself in the vastness of its +marble cave, was a figure for a painter. She was habited in some faded +splendour of sea-green crape and silk, a piece of millinery which, +though it must have witnessed a number of dull dinners, preserved still +a festive air. Over her white shoulders she wore an ancient web of the +most precious and venerable lace and about her rounded throat a single +series of large pearls. I went in with her to dinner, and Mr. Searle, +following with my friend, took his arm, as the latter afterwards told +me, and pretended jocosely to conduct him. As dinner proceeded the +feeling grew within me that a drama had begun to be played in which the +three persons before me were actors--each of a really arduous part. The +character allotted to my friend, however, was certainly the least easy +to represent with effect, though I overflowed with the desire that he +should acquit himself to his honour. I seemed to see him urge his faded +faculties to take their cue and perform. The poor fellow tried to do +himself credit more seriously than ever in his old best days. With Miss +Searle, credulous passive and pitying, he had finally flung aside all +vanity and propriety and shown the bottom of his fantastic heart. +But with our host there might be no talking of nonsense nor taking +of liberties; there and then, if ever, sat a consummate conservative, +breathing the fumes of hereditary privilege and security. For an hour, +accordingly, I saw my poor protege attempt, all in pain, to meet a new +decorum. He set himself the task of appearing very American, in order +that his appreciation of everything Mr. Searle represented might seem +purely disinterested. What his kinsman had expected him to be I know +not; but I made Mr. Searle out as annoyed, in spite of his exaggerated +urbanity, at finding him so harmless. Our host was not the man to +show his hand, but I think his best card had been a certain implicit +confidence that so provincial a parasite would hardly have good manners. + +He led the conversation to the country we had left; rather as if a leash +had been attached to the collar of some lumpish and half-domesticated +animal the tendency of whose movements had to be recognised. He spoke of +it indeed as of some fabled planet, alien to the British orbit, lately +proclaimed to have the admixture of atmospheric gases required +to support animal life, but not, save under cover of a liberal +afterthought, to be admitted into one’s regular conception of things. I, +for my part, felt nothing but regret that the spheric smoothness of +his universe should be disfigured by the extrusion even of such +inconsiderable particles as ourselves. + +“I knew in a general way of our having somehow ramified over there,” Mr. +Searle mentioned; “but had scarcely followed it more than you pretend to +pick up the fruit your long-armed pear tree may drop, on the other side +of your wall, in your neighbour’s garden. There was a man I knew at +Cambridge, a very odd fellow, a decent fellow too; he and I were rather +cronies; I think he afterwards went to the Middle States. They’ll be, +I suppose, about the Mississippi? At all events, there was that +great-uncle of mine whom Sir Joshua painted. He went to America, but he +never got there. He was lost at sea. You look enough like him to make +one fancy he _did_ get there and that you’ve kept him alive by one of +those beastly processes--I think you have ‘em over there: what do you +call it, ‘putting up’ things? If you’re he you’ve not done a wise thing +to show yourself here. He left a bad name behind him. There’s a ghost +who comes sobbing about the house every now and then, the ghost of one +to whom he did a wrong.” + +“Oh mercy _on_ us!” cried Miss Searle in simple horror. + +“Of course _you_ know nothing of such things,” he rather dryly allowed. +“You’re too sound a sleeper to hear the sobbing of ghosts.” + +“I’m sure I should like immensely to hear the sobbing of a ghost,” said +my friend, the light of his previous eagerness playing up into his eyes. +“Why does it sob? I feel as if that were what we’ve come above all to +learn.” + +Mr. Searle eyed his audience a moment gaugingly; he held the balance as +to measure his resources. He wished to do justice to his theme. With +the long finger-nails of his left hand nervously playing against the +tinkling crystal of his wineglass and his conscious eyes betraying that, +small and strange as he sat there, he knew himself, to his pleasure and +advantage, remarkably impressive, he dropped into our untutored minds +the sombre legend of his house. “Mr. Clement Searle, from all I gather, +was a young man of great talents but a weak disposition. His mother was +left a widow early in life, with two sons, of whom he was the elder and +the more promising. She educated him with the greatest affection and +care. Of course when he came to manhood she wished him to marry well. +His means were quite sufficient to enable him to overlook the want of +money in his wife; and Mrs. Searle selected a young lady who possessed, +as she conceived, every good gift save a fortune--a fine proud handsome +girl, the daughter of an old friend, an old lover I suspect, of her own. +Clement, however, as it appeared, had either chosen otherwise or was +as yet unprepared to choose. The young lady opened upon him in vain the +battery of her attractions; in vain his mother urged her cause. Clement +remained cold, insensible, inflexible. Mrs. Searle had a character which +appears to have gone out of fashion in my family nowadays; she was a +great manager, a _maîtresse-femme_. A proud passionate imperious woman, +she had had immense cares and ever so many law-suits; they had sharpened +her temper and her will. She suspected that her son’s affections had +another object, and this object she began to hate. Irritated by his +stubborn defiance of her wishes she persisted in her purpose. The more +she watched him the more she was convinced he loved in secret. If he +loved in secret of course he loved beneath him. He went about the place +all sombre and sullen and brooding. At last, with the rashness of an +angry woman, she threatened to bring the young lady of her choice--who, +by the way, seems to have been no shrinking blossom--to stay in the +house. A stormy scene was the result. He threatened that if she did +so he would leave the country and sail for America. She probably +disbelieved him; she knew him to be weak, but she overrated his +weakness. At all events the rejected one arrived and Clement Searle +departed. On a dark December day he took ship at Southampton. The two +women, desperate with rage and sorrow, sat alone in this big house, +mingling their tears and imprecations. A fortnight later, on Christmas +Eve, in the midst of a great snowstorm long famous in the country, +something happened that quickened their bitterness. A young woman, +battered and chilled by the storm, gained entrance to the house and, +making her way into the presence of the mistress and her guest, poured +out her tale. She was a poor curate’s daughter out of some little hole +in Gloucestershire. Clement Searle had loved her--loved her all too +well! She had been turned out in wrath from her father’s house; his +mother at least might pity her--if not for herself then for the child +she was soon to bring forth. But the poor girl had been a second time +too trustful. The women, in scorn, in horror, with blows possibly, drove +her forth again into the storm. In the storm she wandered and in the +deep snow she died. Her lover, as you know, perished in that hard winter +weather at sea; the news came to his mother late, but soon enough. We’re +haunted by the curate’s daughter!” + +Mr. Searle retailed this anecdote with infinite taste and point, the +happiest art; when he ceased there was a pause of some moments. “Ah well +we may be!” Miss Searle then mournfully murmured. + +Searle blazed up into enthusiasm. “Of course, you know”--with which he +began to blush violently--“I should be sorry to claim any identity +with the poor devil my faithless namesake. But I should be immensely +gratified if the young lady’s spirit, deceived by my resemblance, were +to mistake me for her cruel lover. She’s welcome to the comfort of it. +What one can do in the case I shall be glad to do. But can a ghost haunt +a ghost? I _am_ a ghost!” + +Mr. Searle stared a moment and then had a subtle sneer. “I could almost +believe you are!” + +“Oh brother--and cousin!” cried Miss Searle with the gentlest yet most +appealing dignity. “How can you talk so horribly?” The horrible talk, +however, evidently possessed a potent magic for my friend; and his +imagination, checked a while by the influence of his kinsman, began +again to lead him a dance. From this moment he ceased to steer his frail +bark, to care what he said or how he said it, so long as he expressed +his passionate appreciation of the scene around him. As he kept up this +strain I ceased even secretly to wish he wouldn’t. I have wondered since +that I shouldn’t have been annoyed by the way he reverted constantly to +himself. But a great frankness, for the time, makes its own law and +a great passion its own channel. There was moreover an irresponsible +indescribable effect of beauty in everything his lips uttered. Free +alike from adulation and from envy, the essence of his discourse was a +divine apprehension, a romantic vision free as the flight of Ariel, of +the poetry of his companions’ situation and their contrasted general +irresponsiveness. + +“How does the look of age come?” he suddenly broke out at dessert. “Does +it come of itself, unobserved, unrecorded, unmeasured? Or do you woo it +and set baits and traps for it, and watch it like the dawning brownness +of a meerschaum pipe, and make it fast, when it appears, just where it +peeps out, and light a votive taper beneath it and give thanks to it +daily? Or do you forbid it and fight it and resist it, and yet feel it +settling and deepening about you as irresistible as fate?” + +“What the deuce is the man talking about?” said the smile of our host. + +“I found a little grey hair this morning,” Miss Searle incoherently +prosed. + +“Well then I hope you paid it every respect!” cried her visitor. + +“I looked at it for a long time in my hand-glass,” she answered with +more presence of mind. + +“Miss Searle can for many years to come afford to be amused at grey +hairs,” I interposed in the hope of some greater ease. It had its +effect. “Ten years from last Thursday I shall be forty-four,” she almost +comfortably smiled. + +“Well, that’s just what I am,” said Searle. “If I had only come here ten +years ago! I should have had more time to enjoy the feast, but I should +have had less appetite. I needed first to get famished.” + +“Oh why did you wait for that?” his entertainer asked. “To think of +these ten years that we might have been enjoying you!” At the vision of +which waste and loss Mr. Searle had a fine shrill laugh. + +“Well,” my friend explained, “I always had a notion--a stupid vulgar +notion if there ever was one--that to come abroad properly one had to +have a pot of money. My pot was too nearly empty. At last I came with my +empty pot!” + +Mr. Searle had a wait for delicacy, but he proceeded. “You’re reduced, +you’re--a--straitened?” + +Our companion’s very breath blew away the veil. “Reduced to nothing. +Straitened to the clothes on my back!” + +“You don’t say so!” said Mr. Searle with a large vague gasp. +“Well--well--well!” he added in a voice which might have meant +everything or nothing; and then, in his whimsical way, went on to finish +a glass of wine. His searching eye, as he drank, met mine, and for a +moment we each rather deeply sounded the other, to the effect no doubt +of a slight embarrassment. “And you,” he said by way of carrying this +off--“how about _your_ wardrobe?” + +“Oh his!” cried my friend; “his wardrobe’s immense. He could dress up a +regiment!” He had drunk more champagne--I admit that the champagne +was good--than was from any point of view to have been desired. He was +rapidly drifting beyond any tacit dissuasion of mine. He was feverish +and rash, and all attempt to direct would now simply irritate him. As +we rose from the table he caught my troubled look. Passing his arm for +a moment into mine, “This is the great night!” he strangely and softly +said; “the night and the crisis that will settle me.” + +Mr. Searle had caused the whole lower portion of the house to be thrown +open and a multitude of lights to be placed in convenient and effective +positions. Such a marshalled wealth of ancient candlesticks and +flambeaux I had never beheld. Niched against the dusky wainscots, +casting great luminous circles upon the pendent stiffness of sombre +tapestries, enhancing and completing with admirable effect the variety +and mystery of the great ancient house, they seemed to people the wide +rooms, as our little group passed slowly from one to another, with a +dim expectant presence. We had thus, in spite of everything, a wonderful +hour of it. Mr. Searle at once assumed the part of cicerone, and--I had +not hitherto done him justice--Mr. Searle became almost agreeable. While +I lingered behind with his sister he walked in advance with his kinsman. +It was as if he had said: “Well, if you want the old place you shall +have it--so far as the impression goes!” He spared us no thrill--I +had almost said no pang--of that experience. Carrying a tall silver +candlestick in his left hand, he raised it and lowered it and cast the +light hither and thither, upon pictures and hangings and carvings and +cornices. He knew his house to perfection. He touched upon a hundred +traditions and memories, he threw off a cloud of rich reference to +its earlier occupants. He threw off again, in his easy elegant way, a +dozen--happily lighter--anecdotes. His relative attended with a brooding +deference. Miss Searle and I meanwhile were not wholly silent. + +“I suppose that by this time you and your cousin are almost old +friends,” I remarked. + +She trifled a moment with her fan and then raised her kind small +eyes. “Old friends--yet at the same time strangely new! My cousin, my +cousin”--and her voice lingered on the word--“it seems so strange to +call him my cousin after thinking these many years that I’ve no one in +the world but my brother. But he’s really so very odd!” + +“It’s not so much he as--well, as his situation, that deserves that +name,” I tried to reason. + +“I’m so sorry for his situation. I wish I could help it in some way. He +interests me so much.” She gave a sweet-sounding sigh. “I wish I could +have known him sooner--and better. He tells me he’s but the shadow of +what he used to be.” + +I wondered if he had been consciously practising on the sensibilities of +this gentle creature. If he had I believed he had gained his point. But +his position had in fact become to my sense so precarious that I hardly +ventured to be glad. “His better self just now seems again to be taking +shape,” I said. “It will have been a good deed on your part if you help +to restore him to all he ought to be.” + +She met my idea blankly. “Dear me, what can I do?” + +“Be a friend to him. Let him like you, let him love you. I dare say you +see in him now much to pity and to wonder at. But let him simply enjoy +a while the grateful sense of your nearness and dearness. He’ll be +a better and stronger man for it, and then you can love him, you can +esteem him, without restriction.” + +She fairly frowned for helplessness. “It’s a hard part for poor stupid +me to play!” + +Her almost infantine innocence left me no choice but to be absolutely +frank. “Did you ever play any part at all?” + +She blushed as if I had been reproaching her with her insignificance. +“Never! I think I’ve hardly lived.” + +“You’ve begun to live now perhaps. You’ve begun to care for something +else than your old-fashioned habits. Pardon me if I seem rather +meddlesome; you know we Americans are very rough and ready. It’s a great +moment. I wish you joy!” + +“I could almost believe you’re laughing at me. I feel more trouble than +joy.” + +“Why do you feel trouble?” + +She paused with her eyes fixed on our companions. “My cousin’s arrival’s +a great disturbance,” she said at last. + +“You mean you did wrong in coming to meet him? In that case the fault’s +mine. He had no intention of giving you the opportunity.” + +“I certainly took too much on myself. But I can’t find it in my heart to +regret it. I never shall regret it! I did the only thing I _could_, heaven +forgive me!” + +“Heaven bless you, Miss Searle! Is any harm to come of it? I did the +evil; let me bear the brunt!” + +She shook her head gravely. “You don’t know my brother!” + +“The sooner I master the subject the better then,” I said. I couldn’t +help relieving myself--at least by the tone of my voice--of the +antipathy with which, decidedly, this gentleman had inspired me. “Not +perhaps that we should get on so well together!” After which, as she +turned away, “Are you _very_ much afraid of him?” I added. + +She gave me a shuddering sidelong glance. “He’s looking at me!” + +He was placed with his back to us, holding a large Venetian hand-mirror, +framed in chiselled silver, which he had taken from a shelf of +antiquities, just at such an angle that he caught the reflexion of his +sister’s person. It was evident that I too was under his attention, and +was resolved I wouldn’t be suspected for nothing. “Miss Searle,” I said +with urgency, “promise me something.” + +She turned upon me with a start and a look that seemed to beg me to +spare her. “Oh don’t ask me--please don’t!” It was as if she were +standing on the edge of a place where the ground had suddenly fallen +away, and had been called upon to make a leap. I felt retreat was +impossible, however, and that it was the greater kindness to assist her +to jump. + +“Promise me,” I repeated. + +Still with her eyes she protested. “Oh what a dreadful day!” she cried +at last. + +“Promise me to let him speak to you alone if he should ask you--any wish +you may suspect on your brother’s part notwithstanding.” She coloured +deeply. “You mean he has something so particular to say?” + +“Something so particular!” + +“Poor cousin!” + +“Well, poor cousin! But promise me.” + +“I promise,” she said, and moved away across the long room and out of +the door. + +“You’re in time to hear the most delightful story,” Searle began to me +as I rejoined him and his host. They were standing before an old sombre +portrait of a lady in the dress of Queen Anne’s time, whose ill-painted +flesh-tints showed livid, in the candle-light, against her dark drapery +and background. “This is Mrs. Margaret Searle--a sort of Beatrix +Esmond--_qui se passait ses fantaisies_. She married a paltry Frenchman, +a penniless fiddler, in the teeth of her whole family. Pretty Mrs. +Margaret, you must have been a woman of courage! Upon my word, she looks +like Miss Searle! But pray go on. What came of it all?” + +Our companion watched him with an air of distaste for his boisterous +homage and of pity for his crude imagination. But he took up the tale +with an effective dryness: “I found a year ago, in a box of very old +papers, a letter from the lady in question to a certain Cynthia Searle, +her elder sister. It was dated from Paris and dreadfully ill-spelled. +It contained a most passionate appeal for pecuniary assistance. She +had just had a baby, she was starving and dreadfully neglected by her +husband--she cursed the day she had left England. It was a most dismal +production. I never heard she found means to return.” + +“So much for marrying a Frenchman!” I said sententiously. + +Our host had one of his waits. “This is the only lady of the family who +ever was taken in by an adventurer.” + +“Does Miss Searle know her history?” asked my friend with a stare at the +rounded whiteness of the heroine’s cheek. + +“Miss Searle knows nothing!” said our host with expression. + +“She shall know at least the tale of Mrs. Margaret,” their guest +returned; and he walked rapidly away in search of her. + +Mr. Searle and I pursued our march through the lighted rooms. “You’ve +found a cousin with a vengeance,” I doubtless awkwardly enough laughed. + +“Ah a vengeance?” my entertainer stiffly repeated. + +“I mean that he takes as keen an interest in your annals and possessions +as yourself.” + +“Oh exactly so! He tells me he’s a bad invalid,” he added in a moment. +“I should never have supposed it.” + +“Within the past few hours he’s a changed man. Your beautiful house, +your extreme kindness, have refreshed him immensely.” Mr. Searle uttered +the vague ejaculation with which self-conscious Britons so often betray +the concussion of any especial courtesy of speech. But he followed this +by a sudden odd glare and the sharp declaration: “I’m an honest man!” I +was quite prepared to assent; but he went on with a fury of frankness, +as if it were the first time in his life he had opened himself to any +one, as if the process were highly disagreeable and he were hurrying +through it as a task. “An honest man, mind you! I know nothing about Mr. +Clement Searle! I never expected to see him. He has been to me a--a--!” + And here he paused to select a word which should vividly enough express +what, for good or for ill, his kinsman represented. “He has been to me +an Amazement! I’ve no doubt he’s a most amiable man. You’ll not deny, +however, that he’s a very extraordinary sort of person. I’m sorry he’s +ill. I’m sorry he’s poor. He’s my fiftieth cousin. Well and good. I’m +an honest man. He shall not have it to say that he wasn’t received at my +house.” + +“He too, thank heaven, is an honest man!” I smiled. + +“Why the devil then,” cried Mr. Searle, turning almost fiercely on me, +“has he put forward this underhand claim to my property?” + +The question, quite ringing out, flashed backward a gleam of light upon +the demeanour of our host and the suppressed agitation of his sister. In +an instant the jealous gentleman revealed itself. For a moment I was so +surprised and scandalised at the directness of his attack that I lacked +words to reply. As soon as he had spoken indeed Mr. Searle appeared to +feel he had been wanting in form. “Pardon me,” he began afresh, “if I +speak of this matter with heat. But I’ve been more disgusted than I +can say to hear, as I heard this morning from my solicitor, of the +extraordinary proceedings of Mr. Clement Searle. Gracious goodness, +sir, for what does the man take me? He pretends to the Lord knows what +fantastic admiration for my place. Let him then show his respect for it +by not taking too many liberties! Let him, with his high-flown parade +of loyalty, imagine a tithe of what _I_ feel! I love my estate; it’s my +passion, my conscience, my life! Am I to divide it up at this time of +day with a beggarly foreigner--a man without means, without appearance, +without proof, a pretender, an adventurer, a chattering mountebank? I +thought America boasted having lands for all men! Upon my soul, sir, +I’ve never been so shocked in my life.” + +I paused for some moments before speaking, to allow his passion fully to +expend itself and to flicker up again if it chose; for so far as I was +concerned in the whole awkward matter I but wanted to deal with him +discreetly. “Your apprehensions, sir,” I said at last, “your not +unnatural surprise, perhaps, at the candour of our interest, have acted +too much on your nerves. You’re attacking a man of straw, a creature +of unworthy illusion; though I’m sadly afraid you’ve wounded a man +of spirit and conscience. Either my friend has no valid claim on your +estate, in which case your agitation is superfluous; or he _has_ a valid +claim--” + +Mr. Searle seized my arm and glared at me; his pale face paler still +with the horror of my suggestion, his great eyes of alarm glowing and +his strange red hair erect and quivering. “A valid claim!” he shouted. +“Let him try it--let him bring it into court!” + +We had emerged into the great hall and stood facing the main doorway. +The door was open into the portico, through the stone archway of which +I saw the garden glitter in the blue light of a full moon. As the master +of the house uttered the words I have just repeated my companion came +slowly up into the porch from without, bareheaded, bright in the outer +moonlight, dark in the shadow of the archway, and bright again in the +lamplight at the entrance of the hall. As he crossed the threshold the +butler made an appearance at the head of the staircase on our left, +faltering visibly a moment at sight of Mr. Searle; after which, noting +my friend, he gravely descended. He bore in his hand a small silver +tray. On the tray, gleaming in the light of the suspended lamp, lay a +folded note. Clement Searle came forward, staring a little and startled, +I think, by some quick nervous prevision of a catastrophe. The butler +applied the match to the train. He advanced to my fellow visitor, all +solemnly, with the offer of his missive. Mr. Searle made a movement as +if to spring forward, but controlled himself. “Tottenham!” he called in +a strident voice. + +“Yes, sir!” said Tottenham, halting. + +“Stand where you are. For whom is that note?” + +“For Mr. Clement Searle,” said the butler, staring straight before him +and dissociating himself from everything. + +“Who gave it to you?” + +“Mrs. Horridge, sir.” This personage, I afterwards learned, was our +friend the housekeeper. + +“Who gave it Mrs. Horridge?” + +There was on Tottenham’s part just an infinitesimal pause before +replying. + +“My dear sir,” broke in Searle, his equilibrium, his ancient ease, +completely restored by the crisis, “isn’t that rather my business?” + +“What happens in my house is my business, and detestable things seem to +be happening.” Our host, it was clear, now so furiously detested them +that I was afraid he would snatch the bone of contention without more +ceremony. “Bring me that thing!” he cried; on which Tottenham stiffly +moved to obey. + +“Really this is too much!” broke out my companion, affronted and +helpless. + +So indeed it struck me, and before Mr. Searle had time to take the note +I possessed myself of it. “If you’ve no consideration for your sister +let a stranger at least act for her.” And I tore the disputed object +into a dozen pieces. + +“In the name of decency, what does this horrid business mean?” my +companion quavered. + +Mr. Searle was about to open fire on him, but at that moment our hostess +appeared on the staircase, summoned evidently by our high-pitched +contentious voices. She had exchanged her dinner-dress for a dark +wrapper, removed her ornaments and begun to disarrange her hair, a +thick tress of which escaped from the comb. She hurried down with a +pale questioning face. Feeling distinctly that, for ourselves, immediate +departure was in the air, and divining Mr. Tottenham to be a person of +a few deep-seated instincts and of much latent energy, I seized the +opportunity to request him, _sotto voce_, to send a carriage to the door +without delay. “And put up our things,” I added. + +Our host rushed at his sister and grabbed the white wrist that escaped +from the loose sleeve of her dress. “What was in that note?” he quite +hissed at her. + +Miss Searle looked first at its scattered fragments and then at her +cousin. “Did you read it?” + +“No, but I thank you for it!” said Searle. + +Her eyes, for an instant, communicated with his own as I think they had +never, never communicated with any other source of meaning; then she +transferred them to her brother’s face, where the sense went out of +them, only to leave a dull sad patience. But there was something even +in this flat humility that seemed to him to mock him, so that he flushed +crimson with rage and spite and flung her away. “You always were an +idiot! Go to bed.” + +In poor Searle’s face as well the gathered serenity had been by this +time all blighted and distorted and the reflected brightness of his +happy day turned to blank confusion. “Have I been dealing these three +hours with a madman?” he woefully cried. + +“A madman, yes, if you will! A man mad with the love of his home and the +sense of its stability. I’ve held my tongue till now, but you’ve been +too much for me. Who the devil are you, and what and why and whence?” + the terrible little man continued. “From what paradise of fools do you +come that you fancy I shall make over to you, for the asking, a part +of my property and my life? I’m forsooth, you ridiculous person, to go +shares with you? Prove your preposterous claim! There isn’t _that_ in it!” + And he kicked one of the bits of paper on the floor. + +Searle received this broadside gaping. Then turning away he went and +seated himself on a bench against the wall and rubbed his forehead +amazedly. I looked at my watch and listened for the wheels of our +carriage. + +But his kinsman was too launched to pull himself up. “Wasn’t it enough +that you should have plotted against my rights? Need you have come into +my very house to intrigue with my sister?” + +My friend put his two hands to his face. “Oh, oh, oh!” he groaned while +Miss Searle crossed rapidly and dropped on her knees at his side. + +“Go to bed, you fool!” shrieked her brother. + +“Dear cousin,” she said, “it’s cruel you’re to have so to think of us!” + +“Oh I shall think of _you_ as you’d like!” He laid a hand on her head. + +“I believe you’ve done nothing wrong,” she brought bravely out. + +“I’ve done what I could,” Mr. Searle went on--“but it’s arrant folly to +pretend to friendship when this abomination lies between us. You were +welcome to my meat and my wine, but I wonder you could swallow them. The +sight spoiled _my_ appetite!” cried the master of Lackley with a laugh. +“Proceed with your trumpery case! My people in London are instructed and +prepared.” + +“I shouldn’t wonder if your case had improved a good deal since you gave +it up,” I was moved to observe to Searle. + +“Oho! you don’t feign ignorance then?” and our insane entertainer shook +his shining head at me. “It’s very kind of you to give it up! Perhaps +you’ll also give up my sister!” + +Searle sat staring in distress at his adversary. “Ah miserable man--I +thought we had become such beautiful friends.” + +“Boh, you hypocrite!” screamed our host. + +Searle seemed not to hear him. “Am I seriously expected,” he slowly and +painfully pursued, “to defend myself against the accusation of any real +indelicacy--to prove I’ve done nothing underhand or impudent? Think what +you please!” And he rose, with an effort, to his feet. “I know what _you_ +think!” he added to Miss Searle. + +The wheels of the carriage resounded on the gravel, and at the same +moment a footman descended with our two portmanteaux. Mr. Tottenham +followed him with our hats and coats. + +“Good God,” our host broke out again, “you’re not going away?”--an +ejaculation that, after all that had happened, had the grandest +comicality. “Bless my soul,” he then remarked as artlessly, “of course +you’re going!” + +“It’s perhaps well,” said Miss Searle with a great effort, inexpressibly +touching in one for whom great efforts were visibly new and strange, +“that I should tell you what my poor little note contained.” + +“That matter of your note, madam,” her brother interrupted, “you and I +will settle together!” + +“Let me imagine all sorts of kind things!” Searle beautifully pleaded. + +“Ah too much has been imagined!” she answered simply. “It was only a +word of warning. It was to tell you to go. I knew something painful was +coming.” + +He took his hat. “The pains and the pleasures of this day,” he said to +his kinsman, “I shall equally never forget. Knowing you,” and he offered +his hand to Miss Searle, “has been the pleasure of pleasures. I hoped +something more might have come of it.” + +“A monstrous deal too much has come of it!” Mr. Searle irrepressibly +declared. + +His departing guest looked at him mildly, almost benignantly, from head +to foot, and then with closed eyes and some collapse of strength, “I’m +afraid so, I can’t stand more,” he went on. I gave him my arm and we +crossed the threshold. As we passed out I heard Miss Searle break into +loud weeping. + +“We shall hear from each other yet, I take it!” her brother pursued, +harassing our retreat. + +My friend stopped, turning round on him fiercely. “You very impossible +man!” he cried in his face. + +“Do you mean to say you’ll not prosecute?” Mr. Searle kept it up. “I +shall force you to prosecute! I shall drag you into court, and you shall +be beaten--beaten--beaten!” Which grim reiteration followed us on our +course. + +We drove of course to the little wayside inn from which we had departed +in the morning so unencumbered, in all broad England, either with +enemies or friends. My companion, as the carriage rolled along, seemed +overwhelmed and exhausted. “What a beautiful horrible dream!” he +confusedly wailed. “What a strange awakening! What a long long day! What +a hideous scene! Poor me! Poor woman!” When we had resumed possession of +our two little neighbouring rooms I asked him whether Miss Searle’s +note had been the result of anything that had passed between them on +his going to rejoin her. “I found her on the terrace,” he said, “walking +restlessly up and down in the moonlight. I was greatly excited--I +hardly know what I said. I asked her, I think, if she knew the story of +Margaret Searle. She seemed frightened and troubled, and she used +just the words her brother had used--‘I know nothing.’ For the moment, +somehow, I felt as a man drunk. I stood before her and told her, with +great emphasis, how poor Margaret had married a beggarly foreigner--all +in obedience to her heart and in defiance to her family. As I talked the +sheeted moonlight seemed to close about us, so that we stood there in +a dream, in a world quite detached. She grew younger, prettier, more +attractive--I found myself talking all kinds of nonsense. Before I knew +it I had gone very far. I was taking her hand and calling her ‘Margaret, +dear Margaret!’ She had said it was impossible, that she could do +nothing, that she was a fool, a child, a slave. Then with a sudden +sense--it was odd how it came over me there--of the reality of my +connexion with the place, I spoke of my claim against the estate. ‘It +exists,’ I declared, ‘but I’ve given it up. Be generous! Pay me for my +sacrifice.’ For an instant her face was radiant. ‘If I marry you,’ +she asked, ‘will it make everything right?’ Of that I at once assured +her--in our marriage the whole difficulty would melt away like a +rain-drop in the great sea. ‘Our marriage!’ she repeated in wonder; and +the deep ring of her voice seemed to wake us up and show us our folly. +‘I love you, but I shall never see you again,’ she cried; and she +hurried away with her face in her hands. I walked up and down the +terrace for some moments, and then came in and met you. That’s the only +witchcraft I’ve used!” + +The poor man was at once so roused and so shaken by the day’s events +that I believed he would get little sleep. Conscious on my own part that +I shouldn’t close my eyes, I but partly undressed, stirred my fire +and sat down to do some writing. I heard the great clock in the little +parlour below strike twelve, one, half-past one. Just as the vibration +of this last stroke was dying on the air the door of communication with +Searle’s room was flung open and my companion stood on the threshold, +pale as a corpse, in his nightshirt, shining like a phantom against the +darkness behind him. “Look well at me!” he intensely gasped; “touch me, +embrace me, revere me! You see a man who has seen a ghost!” + +“Gracious goodness, what do you mean?” + +“Write it down!” he went on. “There, take your pen. Put it into dreadful +words. How do I look? Am I human? Am I pale? Am I red? Am I speaking +English? A ghost, sir! Do you understand?” + +I confess there came upon me by contact a kind of supernatural shock. I +shall always feel by the whole communication of it that I too have seen +a ghost. My first movement--I can smile at it now--was to spring to the +door, close it quickly and turn the key upon the gaping blackness from +which Searle had emerged. I seized his two hands; they were wet with +perspiration. I pushed my chair to the fire and forced him to sit down +in it; then I got on my knees and held his hands as firmly as possible. +They trembled and quivered; his eyes were fixed save that the pupil +dilated and contracted with extraordinary force. I asked no questions, +but waited there, very curious for what he would say. At last he spoke. +“I’m not frightened, but I’m--oh excited! This is life! This is living! +My nerves--my heart--my brain! They’re throbbing--don’t you feel it? Do +you tingle? Are you hot? Are you cold? Hold me tight--tight--tight! I +shall tremble away into waves--into surges--and know all the secrets of +things and all the reasons and all the mysteries!” He paused a moment +and then went on: “A woman--as clear as that candle: no, far clearer! In +a blue dress, with a black mantle on her head and a little black muff. +Young and wonderfully pretty, pale and ill; with the sadness of all +the women who ever loved and suffered pleading and accusing in her +wet-looking eyes. God knows I never did any such thing! But she took me +for my elder, for the other Clement. She came to me here as she would +have come to me there. She wrung her hands and she spoke to me ‘marry +me!’ she moaned; ‘marry me and put an end to my shame!’ I sat up in bed, +just as I sit here, looked at her, heard her--heard her voice melt away, +watched her figure fade away. Bless us and save us! Here I be!” + +I made no attempt either to explain or to criticise this extraordinary +passage. It’s enough that I yielded for the hour to the strange force +of my friend’s emotion. On the whole I think my own vision was the +more interesting of the two. He beheld but the transient irresponsible +spectre--I beheld the human subject hot from the spectral presence. Yet +I soon recovered my judgement sufficiently to be moved again to try to +guard him against the results of excitement and exposure. It was easily +agreed that he was not for the night to return to his room, and I made +him fairly comfortable in his place by my fire. Wishing above all to +preserve him from a chill I removed my bedding and wrapped him in the +blankets and counterpane. I had no nerves either for writing or for +sleep; so I put out my lights, renewed the fuel and sat down on the +opposite side of the hearth. I found it a great and high solemnity just +to watch my companion. Silent, swathed and muffled to his chin, he sat +rigid and erect with the dignity of his adventure. For the most part +his eyes were closed; though from time to time he would open them with +a steady expansion and stare, never blinking, into the flame, as if he +again beheld without terror the image of the little woman with the muff. +His cadaverous emaciated face, his tragic wrinkles intensified by the +upward glow from the hearth, his distorted moustache, his extraordinary +gravity and a certain fantastical air as the red light flickered over +him, all re-enforced his fine likeness to the vision-haunted knight of +La Mancha when laid up after some grand exploit. The night passed wholly +without speech. Toward its close I slept for half an hour. When I awoke +the awakened birds had begun to twitter and Searle, unperturbed, sat +staring at me. We exchanged a long look, and I felt with a pang that his +glittering eyes had tasted their last of natural sleep. “How is it? Are +you comfortable?” I nevertheless asked. + +He fixed me for a long time without replying and then spoke with a +weak extravagance and with such pauses between his words as might have +represented the slow prompting of an inner voice. “You asked me when +you first knew me what I was. ‘Nothing,’ I said, ‘nothing of any +consequence.’ Nothing I’ve always supposed myself to be. But I’ve +wronged myself--I’m a great exception. I’m a haunted man!” + +If sleep had passed out of his eyes I felt with even a deeper pang that +sanity had abandoned his spirit. From this moment I was prepared for +the worst. There were in my friend, however, such confirmed habits of +mildness that I found myself not in the least fearing he would prove +unmanageable. As morning began fully to dawn upon us I brought our +curious vigil to a close. Searle was so enfeebled that I gave him +my hands to help him out of his chair, and he retained them for some +moments after rising to his feet, unable as he seemed to keep his +balance. “Well,” he said, “I’ve been once favoured, but don’t think I +shall be favoured again. I shall soon be myself as fit to ‘appear’ as +any of them. I shall haunt the master of Lackley! It can only mean +one thing--that they’re getting ready for me on the other side of the +grave.” + +When I touched the question of breakfast he replied that he had his +breakfast in his pocket; and he drew from his travelling-bag a phial of +morphine. He took a strong dose and went to bed. At noon I found him +on foot again, dressed, shaved, much refreshed. “Poor fellow,” he said, +“you’ve got more than you bargained for--not only a man with a grievance +but a man with a ghost. Well, it won’t be for long!” It had of course +promptly become a question whither we should now direct our steps. “As +I’ve so little time,” he argued for this, “I should like to see the +best, the best alone.” I answered that either for time or eternity I had +always supposed Oxford to represent the English maximum, and for Oxford +in the course of an hour we accordingly departed. + + + + +IV + +Of that extraordinary place I shall not attempt to speak with any order +or indeed with any coherence. It must ever remain one of the supreme +gratifications of travel for any American aware of the ancient pieties +of race. The impression it produces, the emotions it kindles in the +mind of such a visitor, are too rich and various to be expressed in the +halting rhythm of prose. Passing through the small oblique streets in +which the long grey battered public face of the colleges seems to watch +jealously for sounds that may break upon the stillness of study, you +feel it the most dignified and most educated of cities. Over and through +it all the great corporate fact of the University slowly throbs after +the fashion of some steady bass in a concerted piece or that of the +mediaeval mystical presence of the Empire in the old States of Germany. +The plain perpendicular of the so mildly conventual fronts, masking +blest seraglios of culture and leisure, irritates the imagination +scarce less than the harem-walls of Eastern towns. Within their arching +portals, however, you discover more sacred and sunless courts, and +the dark verdure soothing and cooling to bookish eyes. The grey-green +quadrangles stand for ever open with a trustful hospitality. The seat of +the humanities is stronger in her own good manners than in a marshalled +host of wardens and beadles. Directly after our arrival my friend and +I wandered forth in the luminous early dusk. We reached the bridge +that under-spans the walls of Magdalen and saw the eight-spired tower, +delicately fluted and embossed, rise in temperate beauty--the perfect +prose of Gothic--wooing the eyes to the sky that was slowly drained +of day. We entered the low monkish doorway and stood in the dim little +court that nestles beneath the tower, where the swallows niche more +lovingly in the tangled ivy than elsewhere in Oxford, and passed into +the quiet cloister and studied the small sculptured monsters on the +entablature of the arcade. I rejoiced in every one of my unhappy +friend’s responsive vibrations, even while feeling that they might as +direfully multiply as those that had preceded them. I may say that from +this time forward I found it difficult to distinguish in his company +between the riot of fancy and the labour of thought, or to fix the +balance between what he saw and what he imagined. He had already begun +playfully to exchange his identity for that of the earlier Clement +Searle, and he now delivered himself almost wholly in the character of +his old-time kinsman. + +“_This_ was my college, you know,” he would almost anywhere break out, +applying the words wherever we stood--“the sweetest and noblest in +the whole place. How often have I strolled in this cloister with my +intimates of the other world! They are all dead and buried, but many a +young fellow as we meet him, dark or fair, tall or short, reminds me of +the past age and the early attachment. Even as we stand here, they say, +the whole thing feels about its massive base the murmurs of the tide of +time; some of the foundation-stones are loosened, some of the breaches +will have to be repaired. Mine was the old unregenerate Oxford, the home +of rank abuses, of distinctions and privileges the most delicious and +invidious. What cared I, who was a perfect gentleman and with my pockets +full of money? I had an allowance of a thousand a year.” + +It was at once plain to me that he had lost the little that remained of +his direct grasp on life and was unequal to any effort of seeing things +in their order. He read my apprehension in my eyes and took pains to +assure me I was right. “I’m going straight down hill. Thank heaven it’s +an easy slope, coated with English turf and with an English churchyard +at the foot.” The hysterical emotion produced by our late dire +misadventure had given place to an unruffled calm in which the scene +about us was reflected as in an old-fashioned mirror. We took an +afternoon walk through Christ-Church meadow and at the river-bank +procured a boat which I pulled down the stream to Iffley and to the +slanting woods of Nuneham--the sweetest flattest reediest stream-side +landscape that could be desired. Here of course we encountered the +scattered phalanx of the young, the happy generation, clad in white +flannel and blue, muscular fair-haired magnificent fresh, whether +floated down the current by idle punts and lounging in friendly couples +when not in a singleness that nursed ambitions, or straining together +in rhythmic crews and hoarsely exhorted from the near bank. When to the +exhibition of so much of the clearest joy of wind and limb we added the +great sense of perfumed protection shed by all the enclosed lawns and +groves and bowers, we felt that to be young in such scholastic shades +must be a double, an infinite blessing. As my companion found himself +less and less able to walk we repaired in turn to a series of gardens +and spent long hours sitting in their greenest places. They struck us as +the fairest things in England and the ripest and sweetest fruit of the +English system. Locked in their antique verdure, guarded, as in the case +of New College, by gentle battlements of silver-grey, outshouldering the +matted leafage of undisseverable plants, filled with nightingales and +memories, a sort of chorus of tradition; with vaguely-generous youths +sprawling bookishly on the turf as if to spare it the injury of +their boot-heels, and with the great conservative college countenance +appealing gravely from the restless outer world, they seem places to +lie down on the grass in for ever, in the happy faith that life is all +a green old English garden and time an endless summer afternoon. This +charmed seclusion was especially grateful to my friend, and his sense of +it reached its climax, I remember, on one of the last of such occasions +and while we sat in fascinated _flânerie_ over against the sturdy back of +Saint John’s. The wide discreetly-windowed wall here perhaps broods upon +the lawn with a more effective air of property than elsewhere. Searle +dropped into fitful talk and spun his humour into golden figures. Any +passing undergraduate was a peg to hang a fable, every feature of the +place a pretext for more embroidery. + +“Isn’t it all a delightful lie?” he wanted to know. “Mightn’t one fancy +this the very central point of the world’s heart, where all the echoes +of the general life arrive but to falter and die? Doesn’t one feel the +air just thick with arrested voices? It’s well there should be such +places, shaped in the interest of factitious needs, invented to minister +to the book-begotten longing for a medium in which one may dream unwaked +and believe unconfuted; to foster the sweet illusion that all’s well in +a world where so much is so damnable, all right and rounded, smooth and +fair, in this sphere of the rough and ragged, the pitiful unachieved +especially, and the dreadful uncommenced. The world’s made--work’s over. +Now for leisure! England’s safe--now for Theocritus and Horace, for +lawn and sky! What a sense it all gives one of the composite life of +the country and of the essential furniture of its luckier minds! Thank +heaven they had the wit to send me here in the other time. I’m not much +visibly the braver perhaps, but think how I’m the happier! The misty +spires and towers, seen far off on the level, have been all these years +one of the constant things of memory. Seriously, what do the spires and +towers do for these people? Are they wiser, gentler, finer, cleverer? +My diminished dignity reverts in any case at moments to the naked +background of our own education, the deadly dry air in which we gasp for +impressions and comparisons. I assent to it all with a sort of desperate +calmness; I accept it with a dogged pride. We’re nursed at the opposite +pole. Naked come we into a naked world. There’s a certain grandeur +in the lack of decorations, a certain heroic strain in that young +imagination of ours which finds nothing made to its hands, which has to +invent its own traditions and raise high into our morning-air, with +a ringing hammer and nails, the castles in which we dwell. _Noblesse +oblige_--Oxford must damnably do so. What a horrible thing not to rise +to such examples! If you pay the pious debt to the last farthing of +interest you may go through life with her blessing; but if you let it +stand unhonoured you’re a worse barbarian than we! But for the better or +worse, in a myriad private hearts, think how she must be loved! How the +youthful sentiment of mankind seems visibly to brood upon her! Think of +the young lives now taking colour in her cloisters and halls. Think of +the centuries’ tale of dead lads--dead alike with the end of the young +days to which these haunts were a present world, and the close of +the larger lives which the general mother-scene has dropped into less +bottomless traps. What are those two young fellows kicking their heels +over on the grass there? One of them has the _Saturday Review;_ the +other--upon my soul--the other has Artemus Ward! Where do they live, +how do they live, to what end do they live? Miserable boys! How can they +read Artemus Ward under those windows of Elizabeth? What do you think +loveliest in all Oxford? The poetry of certain windows. Do you see that +one yonder, the second of those lesser bays, with the broken cornice +and the lattice? That used to be the window of my bosom friend a hundred +years ago. Remind me to tell you the story of that broken cornice. Don’t +pretend it’s not a common thing to have one’s bosom friend at another +college. Pray was I committed to common things? He was a charming +fellow. By the way, he was a good deal like you. Of course his cocked +hat, his long hair in a black ribbon, his cinnamon velvet suit and his +flowered waistcoat made a difference. We gentlemen used to wear swords.” + +There was really the touch of grace in my poor friend’s divagations--the +disheartened dandy had so positively turned rhapsodist and seer. I +was particularly struck with his having laid aside the diffidence and +self-consciousness of the first days of our acquaintance. He had become +by this time a disembodied observer and critic; the shell of sense, +growing daily thinner and more transparent, transmitted the tremor of +his quickened spirit. He seemed to pick up acquaintances, in the course +of our contemplations, merely by putting out his hand. If I left him for +ten minutes I was sure to find him on my return in earnest conversation +with some affable wandering scholar. Several young men with whom he had +thus established relations invited him to their rooms and entertained +him, as I gathered, with rather rash hospitality. For myself, I chose +not to be present at these symposia; I shrank partly from being held +in any degree responsible for his extravagance, partly from the pang of +seeing him yield to champagne and an admiring circle. He reported such +adventures with less keen a complacency than I had supposed he might +use, but a certain method in his madness, a certain dignity in his +desire to fraternise, appeared to save him from mischance. If they +didn’t think him a harmless lunatic they certainly thought him a +celebrity of the Occident. Two things, however, grew evident--that he +drank deeper than was good for him and that the flagrant freshness of +his young patrons rather interfered with his predetermined sense of the +element of finer romance. At the same time it completed his knowledge +of the place. Making the acquaintance of several tutors and fellows, +he dined in hall in half a dozen colleges, alluding afterwards to these +banquets with religious unction. One evening after a participation +indiscreetly prolonged he came back to the hotel in a cab, accompanied +by a friendly undergraduate and a physician and looking deadly pale. He +had swooned away on leaving table and remained so rigidly unconscious +as much to agitate his banqueters. The following twenty-four hours he of +course spent in bed, but on the third day declared himself strong enough +to begin afresh. On his reaching the street his strength once more +forsook him, so that I insisted on his returning to his room. He +besought me with tears in his eyes not to shut him up. “It’s my last +chance--I want to go back for an hour to that garden of Saint John’s. +Let me eat and drink--to-morrow I die.” It seemed to me possible that +with a Bath-chair the expedition might be accomplished. The hotel, it +appeared, possessed such a convenience, which was immediately produced. +It became necessary hereupon that we should have a person to propel the +chair. As there was no one on the spot at liberty I was about to perform +the office; but just as my patient had got seated and wrapped--he now +had a perpetual chill--an elderly man emerged from a lurking-place near +the door and, with a formal salute, offered to wait upon the gentleman. +We assented, and he proceeded solemnly to trundle the chair before him. +I recognised him as a vague personage whom I had observed to lounge +shyly about the doors of the hotels, at intervals during our stay, with +a depressed air of wanting employment and a poor semblance of finding +it. He had once indeed in a half-hearted way proposed himself as an +amateur cicerone for a tour through the colleges; and I now, as I +looked at him, remembered with a pang that I had too curtly declined his +ministrations. Since then his shyness, apparently, had grown less or +his misery greater, for it was with a strange grim avidity that he +now attached himself to our service. He was a pitiful image of shabby +gentility and the dinginess of “reduced circumstances.” He would +have been, I suppose, some fifty years of age; but his pale haggard +unwholesome visage, his plaintive drooping carriage and the irremediable +disarray of his apparel seemed to add to the burden of his days and +tribulations. His eyes were weak and bloodshot, his bold nose was sadly +compromised, and his reddish beard, largely streaked with grey, bristled +under a month’s neglect of the razor. In all this rusty forlornness +lurked a visible assurance of our friend’s having known better days. +Obviously he was the victim of some fatal depreciation in the market +value of pure gentility. There had been something terribly affecting in +the way he substituted for the attempt to touch the greasy rim of his +antiquated hat some such bow as one man of the world might make another. +Exchanging a few words with him as we went I was struck with the +decorum of his accent. His fine whole voice should have been congruously +cracked. + +“Take me by some long roundabout way,” said Searle, “so that I may see +as many college-walls as possible.” + +“You know,” I asked of our attendant, “all these wonderful ins and +outs?” + +“I ought to, sir,” he said, after a moment, with pregnant gravity. And +as we were passing one of the colleges, “That used to be my place,” he +added. + +At these words Searle desired him to stop and come round within sight. +“You say that’s _your_ college?” + +“The place might deny me, sir; but heaven forbid I should seem to take +it ill of her. If you’ll allow me to wheel you into the quad I’ll show +you my windows of thirty years ago.” + +Searle sat staring, his huge pale eyes, which now left nothing else +worth mentioning in his wasted face, filled with wonder and pity. “If +you’ll be so kind,” he said with great deference. But just as this +perverted product of a liberal education was about to propel him across +the threshold of the court he turned about, disengaged the mercenary +hands, with one of his own, from the back of the chair, drew their owner +alongside and turned to me. “While we’re here, my dear fellow,” he said, +“be so good as to perform this service. You understand?” I gave our +companion a glance of intelligence and we resumed our way. The latter +showed us his window of the better time, where a rosy youth in a scarlet +smoking-fez now puffed a cigarette at the open casement. Thence we +proceeded into the small garden, the smallest, I believe, and certainly +the sweetest, of all the planted places of Oxford. I pushed the chair +along to a bench on the lawn, turned it round, toward the front of +the college and sat down by it on the grass. Our attendant shifted +mournfully from one foot to the other, his patron eyeing him +open-mouthed. At length Searle broke out: “God bless my soul, sir, you +don’t suppose I expect you to stand! There’s an empty bench.” + +“Thank you,” said our friend, who bent his joints to sit. + +“You English are really fabulous! I don’t know whether I most admire or +most abominate you! Now tell me: who are you? what are you? what brought +you to this?” + +The poor fellow blushed up to his eyes, took off his hat and wiped his +forehead with an indescribable fabric drawn from his pocket. “My name’s +Rawson, sir. Beyond that it’s a long story.” + +“I ask out of sympathy,” said Searle. “I’ve a fellow-feeling. If you’re +a poor devil I’m a poor devil as well.” + +“I’m the poorer devil of the two,” said the stranger with an assurance +for once presumptuous. + +“Possibly. I suppose an English poor devil’s the poorest of all +poor devils. And then you’ve fallen from a height. From a gentleman +commoner--is that what they called you?--to a propeller of Bath-chairs. +Good heavens, man, the fall’s enough to kill you!” + +“I didn’t take it all at once, sir. I dropped a bit one time and a bit +another.” + +“That’s me, that’s me!” cried Searle with all his seriousness. + +“And now,” said our friend, “I believe I can’t drop any further.” + +“My dear fellow”--and Searle clasped his hand and shook it--“I too am at +the very bottom of the hole.” + +Mr. Rawson lifted his eyebrows. “Well, sir, there’s a difference between +sitting in such a pleasant convenience and just trudging behind it!” + +“Yes--there’s a shade. But I’m at my last gasp, Mr. Rawson.” + +“I’m at my last penny, sir.” + +“Literally, Mr. Rawson?” + +Mr. Rawson shook his head with large loose bitterness. “I’ve almost come +to the point of drinking my beer and buttoning my coat figuratively; but +I don’t talk in figures.” + +Fearing the conversation might appear to achieve something like gaiety +at the expense of Mr. Rawson’s troubles, I took the liberty of asking +him, with all consideration, how he made a living. + +“I don’t make a living,” he answered with tearful eyes; “I can’t make +a living. I’ve a wife and three children--and all starving, sir. You +wouldn’t believe what I’ve come to. I sent my wife to her mother’s, who +can ill afford to keep her, and came to Oxford a week ago, thinking I +might pick up a few half-crowns by showing people about the colleges. +But it’s no use. I haven’t the assurance. I don’t look decent. They +want a nice little old man with black gloves and a clean shirt and a +silver-headed stick. What do I look as if I knew about Oxford, sir?” + +“Mercy on us,” cried Searle, “why didn’t you speak to us before?” + +“I wanted to; half a dozen times I’ve been on the point of it. I knew +you were Americans.” + +“And Americans are rich!” cried Searle, laughing. “My dear Mr. Rawson, +American as I am I’m living on charity.” + +“And I’m exactly not, sir! There it is. I’m dying for the lack of that +same. You say you’re a pauper, but it takes an American pauper to go +bowling about in a Bath-chair. America’s an easy country.” + +“Ah me!” groaned Searle. “Have I come to the most delicious corner of +the ancient world to hear the praise of Yankeeland?” + +“Delicious corners are very well, and so is the ancient world,” said Mr. +Rawson; “but one may sit here hungry and shabby, so long as one isn’t +too shabby, as well as elsewhere. You’ll not persuade me that it’s not +an easier thing to keep afloat yonder than here. I wish _I_ were in +Yankeeland, that’s all!” he added with feeble force. Then brooding for +a moment on his wrongs: “Have you a bloated brother? or you, sir? It +matters little to you. But it has mattered to me with a vengeance! +Shabby as I sit here I can boast that advantage--as he his five thousand +a year. Being but a twelvemonth my elder he swaggers while I go thus. +There’s old England for you! A very pretty place for _him!_” + +“Poor old England!” said Searle softly. + +“Has your brother never helped you?” I asked. + +“A five-pound note now and then! Oh I don’t say there haven’t been times +when I haven’t inspired an irresistible sympathy. I’ve not been what I +should. I married dreadfully out of the way. But the devil of it is that +he started fair and I started foul; with the tastes, the desires, the +needs, the sensibilities of a gentleman--and not another blessed ‘tip.’ +I can’t afford to live in England.” + +“_This_ poor gentleman fancied a couple of months ago that he couldn’t +afford to live in America,” I fondly explained. + +“I’d ‘swap’--do you call it?--chances with him!” And Mr. Rawson looked +quaintly rueful over his freedom of speech. + +Searle sat supported there with his eyes closed and his face twitching +for violent emotion, and then of a sudden had a glare of gravity. “My +friend, you’re a dead failure! Be judged! Don’t talk about ‘swapping.’ +Don’t talk about chances. Don’t talk about fair starts and false starts. +I’m at that point myself that I’ve a right to speak. It lies neither +in one’s chance nor one’s start to make one a success; nor in anything +one’s brother--however bloated--can do or can undo. It lies in one’s +character. You and I, sir, have _had_ no character--that’s very plain. +We’ve been weak, sir; as weak as water. Here we are for it--sitting +staring in each other’s faces and reading our weakness in each other’s +eyes. We’re of no importance whatever, Mr. Rawson!” + +Mr. Rawson received this sally with a countenance in which abject +submission to the particular affirmed truth struggled with the +comparative propriety of his general rebellion against fate. In the +course of a minute a due self-respect yielded to the warm comfortable +sense of his being relieved of the cares of an attitude. “Go on, sir, go +on,” he said. “It’s wholesome doctrine.” And he wiped his eyes with what +seemed his sole remnant of linen. + +“Dear, dear,” sighed Searle, “I’ve made you cry! Well, we speak as from +man to man. I should be glad to think you had felt for a moment the +side-light of that great undarkening of the spirit which precedes--which +precedes the grand illumination of death.” + +Mr. Rawson sat silent a little, his eyes fixed on the ground and his +well-cut nose but the more deeply dyed by his agitation. Then at last +looking up: “You’re a very good-natured man, sir, and you’ll never +persuade me you don’t come of a kindly race. Say what you please about a +chance; when a man’s fifty--degraded, penniless, a husband and father--a +chance to get on his legs again is not to be despised. Something tells +me that my luck may be in your country--which has brought luck to so +many. I can come on the parish here of course, but I don’t want to come +on the parish. Hang it, sir, I want to hold up my head. I see thirty +years of life before me yet. If only by God’s help I could have a real +change of air! It’s a fixed idea of mine. I’ve had it for the last ten +years. It’s not that I’m a low radical. Oh I’ve no vulgar opinions. Old +England’s good enough for me, but I’m not good enough for old England. +I’m a shabby man that wants to get out of a room full of staring +gentlefolk. I’m for ever put to the blush. It’s a perfect agony of +spirit; everything reminds me of my younger and better self. The thing +for me would be a cooling cleansing plunge into the unknowing and the +unknown! I lie awake thinking of it.” + +Searle closed his eyes, shivering with a long-drawn tremor which I +hardly knew whether to take for an expression of physical or of mental +pain. In a moment I saw it was neither. “Oh my country, my country, +my country!” he murmured in a broken voice; and then sat for some time +abstracted and lost. I signalled our companion that it was time we +should bring our small session to a close, and he, without hesitating, +possessed himself of the handle of the Bath-chair and pushed it before +him. We had got halfway home before Searle spoke or moved. Suddenly +in the High Street, as we passed a chop-house from whose open doors we +caught a waft of old-fashioned cookery and other restorative elements, +he motioned us to halt. “This is my last five pounds”--and he drew a +note from his pocket-book. “Do me the favour, Mr. Rawson, to accept +it. Go in there and order the best dinner they can give you. Call for a +bottle of Burgundy and drink it to my eternal rest!” + +Mr. Rawson stiffened himself up and received the gift with fingers +momentarily irresponsive. But Mr. Rawson had the nerves of a gentleman. +I measured the spasm with which his poor dispossessed hand closed upon +the crisp paper, I observed his empurpled nostril convulsive under the +other solicitation. He crushed the crackling note in his palm with a +passionate pressure and jerked a spasmodic bow. “I shall not do you the +wrong, sir, of anything but the best!” The next moment the door swung +behind him. + +Searle sank again into his apathy, and on reaching the hotel I helped +him to get to bed. For the rest of the day he lay without motion or +sound and beyond reach of any appeal. The doctor, whom I had constantly +in attendance, was sure his end was near. He expressed great surprise +that he should have lasted so long; he must have been living for a +month on the very dregs of his strength. Toward evening, as I sat by his +bedside in the deepening dusk, he roused himself with a purpose I had +vaguely felt gathering beneath his stupor. “My cousin, my cousin,” he +said confusedly. “Is she here?” It was the first time he had spoken of +Miss Searle since our retreat from her brother’s house, and he continued +to ramble. “I was to have married her. What a dream! That day was like +a string of verses--rhymed hours. But the last verse is bad measure. +What’s the rhyme to ‘love’? _Above!_ Was she a simple woman, a kind sweet +woman? Or have I only dreamed it? She had the healing gift; her touch +would have cured my madness. I want you to do something. Write three +lines, three words: ‘Good-bye; remember me; be happy.’” And then after +a long pause: “It’s strange a person in my state should have a wish. Why +should one eat one’s breakfast the day one’s hanged? What a creature +is man! What a farce is life! Here I lie, worn down to a mere throbbing +fever-point; I breathe and nothing more, and yet I _desire!_ My desire +lives. If I could see her! Help me out with it and let me die.” + +Half an hour later, at a venture, I dispatched by post a note to Miss +Searle: “_Your cousin is rapidly sinking. He asks to see you._” I was +conscious of a certain want of consideration in this act, since it would +bring her great trouble and yet no power to face the trouble; but out +of her distress I fondly hoped a sufficient force might be born. On the +following day my friend’s exhaustion had become so great that I began +to fear his intelligence altogether broken up. But toward evening he +briefly rallied, to maunder about many things, confounding in a sinister +jumble the memories of the past weeks and those of bygone years. “By the +way,” he said suddenly, “I’ve made no will. I haven’t much to bequeath. +Yet I have something.” He had been playing listlessly with a large +signet-ring on his left hand, which he now tried to draw off. “I leave +you this”--working it round and round vainly--“if you can get it off. +What enormous knuckles! There must be such knuckles in the mummies of +the Pharaohs. Well, when I’m gone--! No, I leave you something more +precious than gold--the sense of a great kindness. But I’ve a little +gold left. Bring me those trinkets.” I placed on the bed before him +several articles of jewellery, relics of early foppery: his watch +and chain, of great value, a locket and seal, some odds and ends +of goldsmith’s work. He trifled with them feebly for some moments, +murmuring various names and dates associated with them. At last, looking +up with clearer interest, “What has become,” he asked, “of Mr. Rawson?” + +“You want to see him?” + +“How much are these things worth?” he went on without heeding me. “How +much would they bring?” And he weighed them in his weak hands. “They’re +pretty heavy. Some hundred or so? Oh I’m richer than I thought! +Rawson--Rawson--you want to get out of this awful England?” + +I stepped to the door and requested the servant whom I kept in constant +attendance in our adjacent sitting-room to send and ascertain if Mr. +Rawson were on the premises. He returned in a few moments, introducing +our dismal friend. Mr. Rawson was pale even to his nose and derived from +his unaffectedly concerned state an air of some distinction. I led him +up to the bed. In Searle’s eyes, as they fell on him, there shone for a +moment the light of a human message. + +“Lord have mercy!” gasped Mr. Rawson. + +“My friend,” said Searle, “there’s to be one American the less--so let +there be at the same time one the more. At the worst you’ll be as good a +one as I. Foolish me! Take these battered relics; you can sell them; let +them help you on your way. They’re gifts and mementoes, but this is a +better use. Heaven speed you! May America be kind to you. Be kind, at +the last, to your own country!” + +“Really this is too much; I can’t,” the poor man protested, almost +scared and with tears in his eyes. “Do come round and get well and I’ll +stop here. I’ll stay with you and wait on you.” + +“No, I’m booked for my journey, you for yours. I hope you don’t mind the +voyage.” + +Mr. Rawson exhaled a groan of helpless gratitude, appealing piteously +from so strange a windfall. “It’s like the angel of the Lord who bids +people in the Bible to rise and flee!” + +Searle had sunk back upon his pillow, quite used up; I led Mr. Rawson +back into the sitting-room, where in three words I proposed to him +a rough valuation of our friend’s trinkets. He assented with perfect +good-breeding; they passed into my possession and a second bank-note +into his. + +From the collapse into which this wondrous exercise of his imagination +had plunged him my charge then gave few signs of being likely to emerge. +He breathed, as he had said, and nothing more. The twilight deepened; I +lighted the night-lamp. The doctor sat silent and official at the foot +of the bed; I resumed my constant place near the head. Suddenly our +patient opened his eyes wide. “She’ll not come,” he murmured. “Amen! +she’s an English sister.” Five minutes passed; he started forward. +“She’s come, she’s here!” he confidently quavered. His words conveyed to +my mind so absolute an assurance that I lightly rose and passed into the +sitting-room. At the same moment, through the opposite door, the +servant introduced a lady. A lady, I say; for an instant she was simply +such--tall pale dressed in deep mourning. The next instant I had uttered +her name--“Miss Searle!” She looked ten years older. + +She met me with both hands extended and an immense question in her +face. “He has just announced you,” I said. And then with a fuller +consciousness of the change in her dress and countenance: “What has +happened?” + +“Oh death, death!” she wailed. “You and I are left.” + +There came to me with her words a sickening shock, the sense of poetic +justice somehow cheated, defeated. “Your brother?” I panted. + +She laid her hand on my arm and I felt its pressure deepen as she spoke. +“He was thrown from his horse in the park. He died on the spot. Six days +have passed. Six months!” + +She accepted my support and a moment later we had entered the room and +approached the bedside, from which the doctor withdrew. Searle opened +his eyes and looked at her from head to foot. Suddenly he seemed to make +out her mourning. “Already!” he cried audibly and with a smile, as I +felt, of pleasure. + +She dropped on her knees and took his hand. “Not for you, cousin,” she +whispered. “For my poor brother.” + +He started, in all his deathly longitude, as with a galvanic shock. +“Dead! _He_ dead! Life itself!” And then after a moment and with a slight +rising inflexion: “You’re free?” + +“Free, cousin. Too sadly free. And now--_now_--with what use for freedom?” + +He looked steadily into her eyes, dark in the heavy shadow of her musty +mourning-veil. “For me wear colours!” + +In a moment more death had come, the doctor had silently attested it, +and she had burst into sobs. + +We buried him in the little churchyard in which he had expressed the +wish to lie; beneath one of the blackest and widest of English yews and +the little tower than which none in all England has a softer and hoarier +grey. A year has passed; Miss Searle, I believe, has begun to wear +colours. + + + + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A PASSIONATE PILGRIM *** + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will +be renamed. + +Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright +law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, +so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the +United States without permission and without paying copyright +royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part +of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm +concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, +and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following +the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use +of the Project Gutenberg trademark. 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