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diff --git a/old/awoni10.txt b/old/awoni10.txt deleted file mode 100644 index b6a9d30..0000000 --- a/old/awoni10.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,3630 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg Etext of A Woman of No Importance by Wilde -#7 in our series by Oscar Wilde - - -Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check -the copyright laws for your country before posting these files!! - -Please take a look at the important information in this header. -We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an -electronic path open for the next readers. Do not remove this. - - -**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** - -**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** - -*These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations* - -Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and -further information is included below. 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Archdeacon Daubeny, D.D. -Gerald Arbuthnot -Farquhar, Butler -Francis, Footman -Lady Hunstanton -Lady Caroline Pontefract -Lady Stutfield -Mrs. Allonby -Miss Hester Worsley -Alice, Maid -Mrs. Arbuthnot - - -THE SCENES OF THE PLAY - - -ACT I. The Terrace at Hunstanton Chase. -ACT II. The Drawing-room at Hunstanton Chase. -ACT III. The Hall at Hunstanton Chase. -ACT IV. Sitting-room in Mrs. Arbuthnot's House at Wrockley. - -TIME: The Present. -PLACE: The Shires. - -The action of the play takes place within twenty-four hours. - - -LONDON: HAYMARKET THEATRE - - -Lessee and Manager: Mr. H Beerbohm Tree -April 19th, 1893 - -Lord Illingworth, Mr. Tree -Sir John Pontefract, Mr. E. Holman Clark -Lord Alfred Rufford, Mr. Ernest Lawford -Mr. Kelvil, M.P., Mr. Charles Allan. -The Ven. Archdeacon Daubeny, D.D., Mr. Kemble -Gerald Arbuthnot, Mr. Terry -Farquhar, Butler, Mr. Hay -Francis, Footman, Mr. Montague -Lady Hunstanton, Miss Rose Leclercq -Lady Caroline Pontefract, Miss Le Thiere -Lady Stutfield, Miss Blanche Horlock -Mrs. Allonby, Mrs. Tree -Miss Hester Worsley, Miss Julia Neilson -Alice, Maid, Miss Kelly -Mrs. Arbuthnot, Mrs. Bernard-Beere - - - -FIRST ACT - - - -SCENE - -Lawn in front of the terrace at Hunstanton. - -[SIR JOHN and LADY CAROLINE PONTEFRACT, MISS WORSLEY, on chairs -under large yew tree.] - -LADY CAROLINE. I believe this is the first English country house -you have stayed at, Miss Worsley? - -HESTER. Yes, Lady Caroline. - -LADY CAROLINE. You have no country houses, I am told, in America? - -HESTER. We have not many. - -LADY CAROLINE. Have you any country? What we should call country? - -HESTER. [Smiling.] We have the largest country in the world, Lady -Caroline. They used to tell us at school that some of our states -are as big as France and England put together. - -LADY CAROLINE. Ah! you must find it very draughty, I should fancy. -[To SIR JOHN.] John, you should have your muffler. What is the -use of my always knitting mufflers for you if you won't wear them? - -SIR JOHN. I am quite warm, Caroline, I assure you. - -LADY CAROLINE. I think not, John. Well, you couldn't come to a -more charming place than this, Miss Worsley, though the house is -excessively damp, quite unpardonably damp, and dear Lady Hunstanton -is sometimes a little lax about the people she asks down here. [To -SIR JOHN.] Jane mixes too much. Lord Illingworth, of course, is a -man of high distinction. It is a privilege to meet him. And that -member of Parliament, Mr. Kettle - - -SIR JOHN. Kelvil, my love, Kelvil. - -LADY CAROLINE. He must be quite respectable. One has never heard -his name before in the whole course of one's life, which speaks -volumes for a man, nowadays. But Mrs. Allonby is hardly a very -suitable person. - -HESTER. I dislike Mrs. Allonby. I dislike her more than I can -say. - -LADY CAROLINE. I am not sure, Miss Worsley, that foreigners like -yourself should cultivate likes or dislikes about the people they -are invited to meet. Mrs. Allonby is very well born. She is a -niece of Lord Brancaster's. It is said, of course, that she ran -away twice before she was married. But you know how unfair people -often are. I myself don't believe she ran away more than once. - -HESTER. Mr. Arbuthnot is very charming. - -LADY CAROLINE. Ah, yes! the young man who has a post in a bank. -Lady Hunstanton is most kind in asking him here, and Lord -Illingworth seems to have taken quite a fancy to him. I am not -sure, however, that Jane is right in taking him out of his -position. In my young days, Miss Worsley, one never met any one in -society who worked for their living. It was not considered the -thing. - -HESTER. In America those are the people we respect most. - -LADY CAROLINE. I have no doubt of it. - -HESTER. Mr. Arbuthnot has a beautiful nature! He is so simple, so -sincere. He has one of the most beautiful natures I have ever come -across. It is a privilege to meet HIM. - -LADY CAROLINE. It is not customary in England, Miss Worsley, for a -young lady to speak with such enthusiasm of any person of the -opposite sex. English women conceal their feelings till after they -are married. They show them then. - -HESTER. Do you, in England, allow no friendship to exist between a -young man and a young girl? - -[Enter LADY HUNSTANTON, followed by Footman with shawls and a -cushion.] - -LADY CAROLINE. We think it very inadvisable. Jane, I was just -saying what a pleasant party you have asked us to meet. You have a -wonderful power of selection. It is quite a gift. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Dear Caroline, how kind of you! I think we all -do fit in very nicely together. And I hope our charming American -visitor will carry back pleasant recollections of our English -country life. [To Footman.] The cushion, there, Francis. And my -shawl. The Shetland. Get the Shetland. [Exit Footman for shawl.] - -[Enter GERALD ARBUTHNOT.] - -GERALD. Lady Hunstanton, I have such good news to tell you. Lord -Illingworth has just offered to make me his secretary. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. His secretary? That is good news indeed, Gerald. -It means a very brilliant future in store for you. Your dear -mother will be delighted. I really must try and induce her to come -up here to-night. Do you think she would, Gerald? I know how -difficult it is to get her to go anywhere. - -GERALD. Oh! I am sure she would, Lady Hunstanton, if she knew -Lord Illingworth had made me such an offer. - -[Enter Footman with shawl.] - -LADY HUNSTANTON. I will write and tell her about it, and ask her -to come up and meet him. [To Footman.] Just wait, Francis. -[Writes letter.] - -LADY CAROLINE. That is a very wonderful opening for so young a man -as you are, Mr. Arbuthnot. - -GERALD. It is indeed, Lady Caroline. I trust I shall be able to -show myself worthy of it. - -LADY CAROLINE. I trust so. - -GERALD. [To HESTER.] YOU have not congratulated me yet, Miss -Worsley. - -HESTER. Are you very pleased about it? - -GERALD. Of course I am. It means everything to me - things that -were out of the reach of hope before may be within hope's reach -now. - -HESTER. Nothing should be out of the reach of hope. Life is a -hope. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. I fancy, Caroline, that Diplomacy is what Lord -Illingworth is aiming at. I heard that he was offered Vienna. But -that may not be true. - -LADY CAROLINE. I don't think that England should be represented -abroad by an unmarried man, Jane. It might lead to complications. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. You are too nervous, Caroline. Believe me, you -are too nervous. Besides, Lord Illingworth may marry any day. I -was in hopes he would have married lady Kelso. But I believe he -said her family was too large. Or was it her feet? I forget -which. I regret it very much. She was made to be an ambassador's -wife. - -LADY CAROLINE. She certainly has a wonderful faculty of -remembering people's names, and forgetting their faces. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Well, that is very natural, Caroline, is it not? -[To Footman.] Tell Henry to wait for an answer. I have written a -line to your dear mother, Gerald, to tell her your good news, and -to say she really must come to dinner. - -[Exit Footman.] - -GERALD. That is awfully kind of you, Lady Hunstanton. [To -HESTER.] Will you come for a stroll, Miss Worsley? - -HESTER. With pleasure [Exit with GERALD.] - -LADY HUNSTANTON. I am very much gratified at Gerald Arbuthnot's -good fortune. He is quite a PROTEGE of mine. And I am -particularly pleased that Lord Illingworth should have made the -offer of his own accord without my suggesting anything. Nobody -likes to be asked favours. I remember poor Charlotte Pagden making -herself quite unpopular one season, because she had a French -governess she wanted to recommend to every one. - -LADY CAROLINE. I saw the governess, Jane. Lady Pagden sent her to -me. It was before Eleanor came out. She was far too good-looking -to be in any respectable household. I don't wonder Lady Pagden was -so anxious to get rid of her. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Ah, that explains it. - -LADY CAROLINE. John, the grass is too damp for you. You had -better go and put on your overshoes at once. - -SIR JOHN. I am quite comfortable, Caroline, I assure you. - -LADY CAROLINE. You must allow me to be the best judge of that, -John. Pray do as I tell you. - -[SIR JOHN gets up and goes off.] - -LADY HUNSTANTON. You spoil him, Caroline, you do indeed! - -[Enter MRS. ALLONBY and LADY STUTFIELD.] - - [To MRS. ALLONBY.] Well, dear, I hope you like the park. It is -said to be well timbered. - -MRS. ALLONBY. The trees are wonderful, Lady Hunstanton. - -LADY STUTFIELD. Quite, quite wonderful. - -MRS. ALLONBY. But somehow, I feel sure that if I lived in the -country for six months, I should become so unsophisticated that no -one would take the slightest notice of me. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. I assure you, dear, that the country has not that -effect at all. Why, it was from Melthorpe, which is only two miles -from here, that Lady Belton eloped with Lord Fethersdale. I -remember the occurrence perfectly. Poor Lord Belton died three -days afterwards of joy, or gout. I forget which. We had a large -party staying here at the time, so we were all very much interested -in the whole affair. - -MRS. ALLONBY. I think to elope is cowardly. It's running away -from danger. And danger has become so rare in modern life. - -LADY CAROLINE. As far as I can make out, the young women of the -present day seem to make it the sole object of their lives to be -always playing with fire. - -MRS. ALLONBY. The one advantage of playing with fire, Lady -Caroline, is that one never gets even singed. It is the people who -don't know how to play with it who get burned up. - -LADY STUTFIELD. Yes; I see that. It is very, very helpful. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. I don't know how the world would get on with such -a theory as that, dear Mrs. Allonby. - -LADY STUTFIELD. Ah! The world was made for men and not for women. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Oh, don't say that, Lady Stutfield. We have a much -better time than they have. There are far more things forbidden to -us than are forbidden to them. - -LADY STUTFIELD. Yes; that is quite, quite true. I had not thought -of that. - -[Enter SIR JOHN and MR. KELVIL.] - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Well, Mr. Kelvil, have you got through your work? - -KELVIL. I have finished my writing for the day, Lady Hunstanton. -It has been an arduous task. The demands on the time of a public -man are very heavy nowadays, very heavy indeed. And I don't think -they meet with adequate recognition. - -LADY CAROLINE. John, have you got your overshoes on? - -SIR JOHN. Yes, my love. - -LADY CAROLINE. I think you had better come over here, John. It is -more sheltered. - -SIR JOHN. I am quite comfortable, Caroline. - -LADY CAROLINE. I think not, John. You had better sit beside me. -[SIR JOHN rises and goes across.] - -LADY STUTFIELD. And what have you been writing about this morning, -Mr. Kelvil? - -KELVIL. On the usual subject, Lady Stutfield. On Purity. - -LADY STUTFIELD. That must be such a very, very interesting thing -to write about. - -KELVIL. It is the one subject of really national importance, -nowadays, Lady Stutfield. I purpose addressing my constituents on -the question before Parliament meets. I find that the poorer -classes of this country display a marked desire for a higher -ethical standard. - -LADY STUTFIELD. How quite, quite nice of them. - -LADY CAROLINE. Are you in favour of women taking part in politics, -Mr. Kettle? - -SIR JOHN. Kelvil, my love, Kelvil. - -KELVIL. The growing influence of women is the one reassuring thing -in our political life, Lady Caroline. Women are always on the side -of morality, public and private. - -LADY STUTFIELD. It is so very, very gratifying to hear you say -that. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Ah, yes! - the moral qualities in women - that is -the important thing. I am afraid, Caroline, that dear Lord -Illingworth doesn't value the moral qualities in women as much as -he should. - -[Enter LORD ILLINGWORTH.] - -LADY STUTFIELD. The world says that Lord Illingworth is very, very -wicked. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. But what world says that, Lady Stutfield? It -must be the next world. This world and I are on excellent terms. -[Sits down beside MRS. ALLONBY.] - -LADY STUTFIELD. Every one I know says you are very, very wicked. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. It is perfectly monstrous the way people go -about, nowadays, saying things against one behind one's back that -are absolutely and entirely true. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Dear Lord Illingworth is quite hopeless, Lady -Stutfield. I have given up trying to reform him. It would take a -Public Company with a Board of Directors and a paid Secretary to do -that. But you have the secretary already, Lord Illingworth, -haven't you? Gerald Arbuthnot has told us of his good fortune; it -is really most kind of you. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Oh, don't say that, Lady Hunstanton. Kind is a -dreadful word. I took a great fancy to young Arbuthnot the moment -I met him, and he'll be of considerable use to me in something I am -foolish enough to think of doing. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. He is an admirable young man. And his mother is -one of my dearest friends. He has just gone for a walk with our -pretty American. She is very pretty, is she not? - -LADY CAROLINE. Far too pretty. These American girls carry off all -the good matches. Why can't they stay in their own country? They -are always telling us it is the Paradise of women. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. It is, Lady Caroline. That is why, like Eve, -they are so extremely anxious to get out of it. - -LADY CAROLINE. Who are Miss Worsley's parents? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. American women are wonderfully clever in -concealing their parents. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. My dear Lord Illingworth, what do you mean? Miss -Worsley, Caroline, is an orphan. Her father was a very wealthy -millionaire or philanthropist, or both, I believe, who entertained -my son quite hospitably, when he visited Boston. I don't know how -he made his money, originally. - -KELVIL. I fancy in American dry goods. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. What are American dry goods? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. American novels. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. How very singular! . . . Well, from whatever -source her large fortune came, I have a great esteem for Miss -Worsley. She dresses exceedingly well. All Americans do dress -well. They get their clothes in Paris. - -MRS. ALLONBY. They say, Lady Hunstanton, that when good Americans -die they go to Paris. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Indeed? And when bad Americans die, where do -they go to? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Oh, they go to America. - -KELVIL. I am afraid you don't appreciate America, Lord -Illingworth. It is a very remarkable country, especially -considering its youth. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. The youth of America is their oldest tradition. -It has been going on now for three hundred years. To hear them -talk one would imagine they were in their first childhood. As far -as civilisation goes they are in their second. - -KELVIL. There is undoubtedly a great deal of corruption in -American politics. I suppose you allude to that? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I wonder. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Politics are in a sad way everywhere, I am told. -They certainly are in England. Dear Mr. Cardew is ruining the -country. I wonder Mrs. Cardew allows him. I am sure, Lord -Illingworth, you don't think that uneducated people should be -allowed to have votes? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I think they are the only people who should. - -KELVIL. Do you take no side then in modern politics, Lord -Illingworth? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. One should never take sides in anything, Mr. -Kelvil. Taking sides is the beginning of sincerity, and -earnestness follows shortly afterwards, and the human being becomes -a bore. However, the House of Commons really does very little -harm. You can't make people good by Act of Parliament, - that is -something. - -KELVIL. You cannot deny that the House of Commons has always shown -great sympathy with the sufferings of the poor. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. That is its special vice. That is the special -vice of the age. One should sympathise with the joy, the beauty, -the colour of life. The less said about life's sores the better, -Mr. Kelvil. - -KELVIL. Still our East End is a very important problem. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Quite so. It is the problem of slavery. And we -are trying to solve it by amusing the slaves. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Certainly, a great deal may be done by means of -cheap entertainments, as you say, Lord Illingworth. Dear Dr. -Daubeny, our rector here, provides, with the assistance of his -curates, really admirable recreations for the poor during the -winter. And much good may be done by means of a magic lantern, or -a missionary, or some popular amusement of that kind. - -LADY CAROLINE. I am not at all in favour of amusements for the -poor, Jane. Blankets and coals are sufficient. There is too much -love of pleasure amongst the upper classes as it is. Health is -what we want in modern life. The tone is not healthy, not healthy -at all. - -KELVIL. You are quite right, Lady Caroline. - -LADY CAROLINE. I believe I am usually right. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Horrid word 'health.' - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Silliest word in our language, and one knows so -well the popular idea of health. The English country gentleman -galloping after a fox - the unspeakable in full pursuit of the -uneatable. - -KELVIL. May I ask, Lord Illingworth, if you regard the House of -Lords as a better institution than the House of Commons? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. A much better institution, of course. We in the -House of Lords are never in touch with public opinion. That makes -us a civilised body. - -KELVIL. Are you serious in putting forward such a view? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Quite serious, Mr. Kelvil. [To MRS. ALLONBY.] -Vulgar habit that is people have nowadays of asking one, after one -has given them an idea, whether one is serious or not. Nothing is -serious except passion. The intellect is not a serious thing, and -never has been. It is an instrument on which one plays, that is -all. The only serious form of intellect I know is the British -intellect. And on the British intellect the illiterates play the -drum. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. What are you saying, Lord Illingworth, about the -drum? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I was merely talking to Mrs. Allonby about the -leading articles in the London newspapers. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. But do you believe all that is written in the -newspapers? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I do. Nowadays it is only the unreadable that -occurs. [Rises with MRS. ALLONBY.] - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Are you going, Mrs. Allonby? - -MRS. ALLONBY. Just as far as the conservatory. Lord Illingworth -told me this morning that there was an orchid there m beautiful as -the seven deadly sins. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. My dear, I hope there is nothing of the kind. I -will certainly speak to the gardener. - -[Exit MRS. ALLONBY and LORD ILLINGWORTH.] - -LADY CAROLINE. Remarkable type, Mrs. Allonby. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. She lets her clever tongue run away with her -sometimes. - -LADY CAROLINE. Is that the only thing, Jane, Mrs. Allonby allows -to run away with her? - -LADY HUNSTANTON. I hope so, Caroline, I am sure. - -[Enter LORD ALFRED.] - -Dear Lord Alfred, do join us. [LORD ALFRED sits down beside LADY -STUTFIELD.] - -LADY CAROLINE. You believe good of every one, Jane. It is a great -fault. - -LADY STUTFIELD. Do you really, really think, Lady Caroline, that -one should believe evil of every one? - -LADY CAROLINE. I think it is much safer to do so, Lady Stutfield. -Until, of course, people are found out to be good. But that -requires a great deal of investigation nowadays. - -LADY STUTFIELD. But there is so much unkind scandal in modern -life. - -LADY CAROLINE. Lord Illingworth remarked to me last night at -dinner that the basis of every scandal is an absolutely immoral -certainty. - -KELVIL. Lord Illingworth is, of course, a very brilliant man, but -he seems to me to be lacking in that fine faith in the nobility and -purity of life which is so important in this century. - -LADY STUTFIELD. Yes, quite, quite important, is it not? - -KELVIL. He gives me the impression of a man who does not -appreciate the beauty of our English home-life. I would say that -he was tainted with foreign ideas on the subject. - -LADY STUTFIELD. There is nothing, nothing like the beauty of home- -life, is there? - -KELVIL. It is the mainstay of our moral system in England, Lady -Stutfield. Without it we would become like our neighbours. - -LADY STUTFIELD. That would be so, so sad, would it not? - -KELVIL. I am afraid, too, that Lord Illingworth regards woman -simply as a toy. Now, I have never regarded woman as a toy. Woman -is the intellectual helpmeet of man in public as in private life. -Without her we should forget the true ideals. [Sits down beside -LADY STUTFIELD.] - -LADY STUTFIELD. I am so very, very glad to hear you say that. - -LADY CAROLINE. You a married man, Mr. Kettle? - -SIR JOHN. Kelvil, dear, Kelvil. - -KELVIL. I am married, Lady Caroline. - -LADY CAROLINE. Family? - -KELVIL. Yes. - -LADY CAROLINE. How many? - -KELVIL. Eight. - -[LADY STUTFIELD turns her attention to LORD ALFRED.] - -LADY CAROLINE. Mrs. Kettle and the children are, I suppose, at the -seaside? [SIR JOHN shrugs his shoulders.] - -KELVIL. My wife is at the seaside with the children, Lady -Caroline. - -LADY CAROLINE. You will join them later on, no doubt? - -KELVIL. If my public engagements permit me. - -LADY CAROLINE. Your public life must be a great source of -gratification to Mrs. Kettle. - -SIR JOHN. Kelvil, my love, Kelvil. - -LADY STUTFIELD. [To LORD ALFRED.] How very, very charming those -gold-tipped cigarettes of yours are, Lord Alfred. - -LORD ALFRED. They are awfully expensive. I can only afford them -when I'm in debt. - -LADY STUTFIELD. It must be terribly, terribly distressing to be in -debt. - -LORD ALFRED. One must have some occupation nowadays. If I hadn't -my debts I shouldn't have anything to think about. All the chaps I -know are in debt. - -LADY STUTFIELD. But don't the people to whom you owe the money -give you a great, great deal of annoyance? - -[Enter Footman.] - -LORD ALFRED. Oh, no, they write; I don't. - -LADY STUTFIELD. How very, very strange. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Ah, here is a letter, Caroline, from dear Mrs. -Arbuthnot. She won't dine. I am so sorry. But she will come in -the evening. I am very pleased indeed. She is one of the sweetest -of women. Writes a beautiful hand, too, so large, so firm. [Hands -letter to LADY CAROLINE.] - -LADY CAROLINE. [Looking at it.] A little lacking in femininity, -Jane. Femininity is the quality I admire most in women. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. [Taking back letter and leaving it on table.] -Oh! she is very feminine, Caroline, and so good too. You should -hear what the Archdeacon says of her. He regards her as his right -hand in the parish. [Footman speaks to her.] In the Yellow -Drawing-room. Shall we all go in? Lady Stutfield, shall we go in -to tea? - -LADY STUTFIELD. With pleasure, Lady Hunstanton. [They rise and -proceed to go off. SIR JOHN offers to carry LADY STUTFIELD'S -cloak.] - -LADY CAROLINE. John! If you would allow your nephew to look after -Lady Stutfield's cloak, you might help me with my workbasket. - -[Enter LORD ILLINGWORTH and MRS. ALLONBY.] - -SIR JOHN. Certainly, my love. [Exeunt.] - -MRS. ALLONBY. Curious thing, plain women are always jealous of -their husbands, beautiful women never are! - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Beautiful women never have time. They are -always so occupied in being jealous of other people's husbands. - -MRS. ALLONBY. I should have thought Lady Caroline would have grown -tired of conjugal anxiety by this time! Sir John is her fourth! - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. So much marriage is certainly not becoming. -Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin; but twenty -years of marriage make her something like a public building. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Twenty years of romance! Is there such a thing? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Not in our day. Women have become too -brilliant. Nothing spoils a romance so much as a sense of humour -in the woman. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Or the want of it in the man. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. You are quite right. In a Temple every one -should be serious, except the thing that is worshipped. - -MRS. ALLONBY. And that should be man? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Women kneel so gracefully; men don't. - -MRS. ALLONBY. You are thinking of Lady Stutfield! - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I assure you I have not thought of Lady -Stutfield for the last quarter of an hour. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Is she such a mystery? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. She is more than a mystery - she is a mood. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Moods don't last. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. It is their chief charm. - -[Enter HESTER and GERALD.] - -GERALD. Lord Illingworth, every one has been congratulating me, -Lady Hunstanton and Lady Caroline, and . . . every one. I hope I -shall make a good secretary. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. You will be the pattern secretary, Gerald. -[Talks to him.] - -MRS. ALLONBY. You enjoy country life, Miss Worsley? - -HESTER. Very much indeed. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Don't find yourself longing for a London dinner- -party? - -HESTER. I dislike London dinner-parties. - -MRS. ALLONBY. I adore them. The clever people never listen, and -the stupid people never talk. - -HESTER. I think the stupid people talk a great deal. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Ah, I never listen! - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. My dear boy, if I didn't like you I wouldn't -have made you the offer. It is because I like you so much that I -want to have you with me. - -[Exit HESTER with GERALD.] - -Charming fellow, Gerald Arbuthnot! - -MRS. ALLONBY. He is very nice; very nice indeed. But I can't -stand the American young lady. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Why? - -MRS. ALLONBY. She told me yesterday, and in quite a loud voice -too, that she was only eighteen. It was most annoying. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. One should never trust a woman who tells one her -real age. A woman who would tell one that, would tell one -anything. - -MRS. ALLONBY. She is a Puritan besides - - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Ah, that is inexcusable. I don't mind plain -women being Puritans. It is the only excuse they have for being -plain. But she is decidedly pretty. I admire her immensely. -[Looks steadfastly at MRS. ALLONBY.] - -MRS. ALLONBY. What a thoroughly bad man you must be! - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. What do you call a bad man? - -MRS. ALLONBY. The sort of man who admires innocence. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. And a bad woman? - -MRS. ALLONBY. Oh! the sort of woman a man never gets tired of. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. You are severe - on yourself. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Define us as a sex. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Sphinxes without secrets. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Does that include the Puritan women? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Do you know, I don't believe in the existence of -Puritan women? I don't think there is a woman in the world who -would not be a little flattered if one made love to her. It is -that which makes women so irresistibly adorable. - -MRS. ALLONBY. You think there is no woman in the world who would -object to being kissed? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Very few. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Miss Worsley would not let you kiss her. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Are you sure? - -MRS. ALLONBY. Quite. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. What do you think she'd do if I kissed her? - -MRS. ALLONBY. Either marry you, or strike you across the face with -her glove. What would you do if she struck you across the face -with her glove? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Fall in love with her, probably. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Then it is lucky you are not going to kiss her! - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Is that a challenge? - -MRS. ALLONBY. It is an arrow shot into the air. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Don't you know that I always succeed in whatever -I try? - -MRS. ALLONBY. I am sorry to hear it. We women adore failures. -They lean on us. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. You worship successes. You cling to them. - -MRS. ALLONBY. We are the laurels to hide their baldness. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. And they need you always, except at the moment -of triumph. - -MRS. ALLONBY. They are uninteresting then. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. How tantalising you are! [A pause.] - -MRS. ALLONBY. Lord Illingworth, there is one thing I shall always -like you for. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Only one thing? And I have so many bad -qualities. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Ah, don't be too conceited about them. You may lose -them as you grow old. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I never intend to grow old. The soul is born -old but grows young. That is the comedy of life. - -MRS. ALLONBY. And the body is born young and grows old. That is -life's tragedy. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Its comedy also, sometimes. But what is the -mysterious reason why you will always like me? - -MRS. ALLONBY. It is that you have never made love to me. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I have never done anything else. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Really? I have not noticed it. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. How fortunate! It might have been a tragedy for -both of us. - -MRS. ALLONBY. We should each have survived. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. One can survive everything nowadays, except -death, and live down anything except a good reputation. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Have you tried a good reputation? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. It is one of the many annoyances to which I have -never been subjected. - -MRS. ALLONBY. It may come. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Why do you threaten me? - -MRS. ALLONBY. I will tell you when you have kissed the Puritan. - -[Enter Footman.] - -FRANCIS. Tea is served in the Yellow Drawing-room, my lord. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Tell her ladyship we are coming in. - -FRANCIS. Yes, my lord. - -[Exit.] - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Shall we go in to tea? - -MRS. ALLONBY. Do you like such simple pleasures? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I adore simple pleasures. They are the last -refuge of the complex. But, if you wish, let us stay here. Yes, -let us stay here. The Book of Life begins with a man and a woman -in a garden. - -MRS. ALLONBY. It ends with Revelations. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. You fence divinely. But the button has come of -your foil. - -MRS. ALLONBY. I have still the mask. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. It makes your eyes lovelier. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Thank you. Come. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. [Sees MRS. ARBUTHNOT'S letter on table, and -takes it up and looks at envelope.] What a curious handwriting! -It reminds me of the handwriting of a woman I used to know years -ago. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Who? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Oh! no one. No one in particular. A woman of -no importance. [Throws letter down, and passes up the steps of the -terrace with MRS. ALLONBY. They smile at each other.] - -ACT DROP. - - - -SECOND ACT - - - - -SCENE - -Drawing-room at Hunstanton, after dinner, lamps lit. Door L.C. -Door R.C. - -[Ladies seated on sofas.] - -MRS. ALLONBY. What a comfort it is to have got rid of the men for -a little! - -LADY STUTFIELD. Yes; men persecute us dreadfully, don't they? - -MRS. ALLONBY. Persecute us? I wish they did. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. My dear! - -MRS. ALLONBY. The annoying thing is that the wretches can be -perfectly happy without us. That is why I think it is every -woman's duty never to leave them alone for a single moment, except -during this short breathing space after dinner; without which I -believe we poor women would be absolutely worn to shadows. - -[Enter Servants with coffee.] - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Worn to shadows, dear? - -MRS. ALLONBY. Yes, Lady Hunstanton. It is such a strain keeping -men up to the mark. They are always trying to escape from us. - -LADY STUTFIELD. It seems to me that it is we who are always trying -to escape from them. Men are so very, very heartless. They know -their power and use it. - -LADY CAROLINE. [Takes coffee from Servant.] What stuff and -nonsense all this about men is! The thing to do is to keep men in -their proper place. - -MRS. ALLONBY. But what is their proper place, Lady Caroline? - -LADY CAROLINE. Looking after their wives, Mrs. Allonby. - -MRS. ALLONBY. [Takes coffee from Servant.] Really? And if -they're not married? - -LADY CAROLINE. If they are not married, they should be looking -after a wife. It's perfectly scandalous the amount of bachelors -who are going about society. There should be a law passed to -compel them all to marry within twelve months. - -LADY STUTFIELD. [Refuses coffee.] But if they're in love with -some one who, perhaps, is tied to another? - -LADY CAROLINE. In that case, Lady Stutfield, they should be -married off in a week to some plain respectable girl, in order to -teach them not to meddle with other people's property. - -MRS. ALLONBY. I don't think that we should ever be spoken of as -other people's property. All men are married women's property. -That is the only true definition of what married women's property -really is. But we don't belong to any one. - -LADY STUTFIELD. Oh, I am so very, very glad to hear you say so. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. But do you really think, dear Caroline, that -legislation would improve matters in any way? I am told that, -nowadays, all the married men live like bachelors, and all the -bachelors like married men. - -MRS. ALLONBY. I certainly never know one from the other. - -LADY STUTFIELD. Oh, I think one can always know at once whether a -man has home claims upon his life or not. I have noticed a very, -very sad expression in the eyes of so many married men. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Ah, all that I have noticed is that they are -horribly tedious when they are good husbands, and abominably -conceited when they are not. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Well, I suppose the type of husband has -completely changed since my young days, but I'm bound to state that -poor dear Hunstanton was the most delightful of creatures, and as -good as gold. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Ah, my husband is a sort of promissory note; I'm -tired of meeting him. - -LADY CAROLINE. But you renew him from time to time, don't you? - -MRS. ALLONBY. Oh no, Lady Caroline. I have only had one husband -as yet. I suppose you look upon me as quite an amateur. - -LADY CAROLINE. With your views on life I wonder you married at -all. - -MRS. ALLONBY. So do I. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. My dear child, I believe you are really very -happy in your married life, but that you like to hide your -happiness from others. - -MRS. ALLONBY. I assure you I was horribly deceived in Ernest. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Oh, I hope not, dear. I knew his mother quite -well. She was a Stratton, Caroline, one of Lord Crowland's -daughters - -LADY CAROLINE. Victoria Stratton? I remember her perfectly. A -silly fair-haired woman with no chin. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Ah, Ernest has a chin. He has a very strong chin, a -square chin. Ernest's chin is far too square. - -LADY STUTFIELD. But do you really think a man's chin can be too -square? I think a man should look very, very strong, and that his -chin should be quite, quite square. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Then you should certainly know Ernest, Lady -Stutfield. It is only fair to tell you beforehand he has got no -conversation at all. - -LADY STUTFIELD. I adore silent men. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Oh, Ernest isn't silent. He talks the whole time. -But he has got no conversation. What he talks about I don't know. -I haven't listened to him for years. - -LADY STUTFIELD. Have you never forgiven him then? How sad that -seems! But all life is very, very sad, is it not? - -MRS. ALLONBY. Life, Lady Stutfield, is simply a MAUVAIS QUART -D'HEURE made up of exquisite moments. - -LADY STUTFIELD. Yes, there are moments, certainly. But was it -something very, very wrong that Mr. Allonby did? Did he become -angry with you, and say anything that was unkind or true? - -MRS. ALLONBY. Oh dear, no. Ernest is invariably calm. That is -one of the reasons he always gets on my nerves. Nothing is so -aggravating as calmness. There is something positively brutal -about the good temper of most modern men. I wonder we women stand -it as well as we do. - -LADY STUTFIELD. Yes; men's good temper shows they are not so -sensitive as we are, not so finely strung. It makes a great -barrier often between husband and wife, does it not? But I would -so much like to know what was the wrong thing Mr. Allonby did. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Well, I will tell you, if you solemnly promise to -tell everybody else. - -LADY STUTFIELD. Thank you, thank you. I will make a point of -repeating it. - -MRS. ALLONBY. When Ernest and I were engaged, he swore to me -positively on his knees that he had never loved any one before in -the whole course of his life. I was very young at the time, so I -didn't believe him, I needn't tell you. Unfortunately, however, I -made no enquiries of any kind till after I had been actually -married four or five months. I found out then that what he had -told me was perfectly true. And that sort of thing makes a man so -absolutely uninteresting. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. My dear! - -MRS. ALLONBY. Men always want to be a woman's first love. That is -their clumsy vanity. We women have a more subtle instinct about -things. What we like is to be a man's last romance. - -LADY STUTFIELD. I see what you mean. It's very, very beautiful. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. My dear child, you don't mean to tell me that you -won't forgive your husband because he never loved any one else? -Did you ever hear such a thing, Caroline? I am quite surprised. - -LADY CAROLINE. Oh, women have become so highly educated, Jane, -that nothing should surprise us nowadays, except happy marriages. -They apparently are getting remarkably rare. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Oh, they're quite out of date. - -LADY STUTFIELD. Except amongst the middle classes, I have been -told. - -MRS. ALLONBY. How like the middle classes! - -LADY STUTFIELD. Yes - is it not? - very, very like them. - -LADY CAROLINE. If what you tell us about the middle classes is -true, Lady Stutfield, it redounds greatly to their credit. It is -much to be regretted that in our rank of life the wife should be so -persistently frivolous, under the impression apparently that it is -the proper thing to be. It is to that I attribute the unhappiness -of so many marriages we all know of in society. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Do you know, Lady Caroline, I don't think the -frivolity of the wife has ever anything to do with it. More -marriages are ruined nowadays by the common sense of the husband -than by anything else. How can a woman be expected to be happy -with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly -rational being? - -LADY HUNSTANTON. My dear! - -MRS. ALLONBY. Man, poor, awkward, reliable, necessary man belongs -to a sex that has been rational for millions and millions of years. -He can't help himself. It is in his race. The History of Woman is -very different. We have always been picturesque protests against -the mere existence of common sense. We saw its dangers from the -first. - -LADY STUTFIELD. Yes, the common sense of husbands is certainly -most, most trying. Do tell me your conception of the Ideal -Husband. I think it would be so very, very helpful. - -MRS. ALLONBY. The Ideal Husband? There couldn't be such a thing. -The institution is wrong. - -LADY STUTFIELD. The Ideal Man, then, in his relations to US. - -LADY CAROLINE. He would probably be extremely realistic. - -MRS. CAROLINE. The Ideal Man! Oh, the Ideal Man should talk to us -as if we were goddesses, and treat us as if we were children. He -should refuse all our serious requests, and gratify every one of -our whims. He should encourage us to have caprices, and forbid us -to have missions. He should always say much more than he means, -and always mean much more than he says. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. But how could he do both, dear? - -MRS. ALLONBY. He should never run down other pretty women. That -would show he had no taste, or make one suspect that he had too -much. No; he should be nice about them all, but say that somehow -they don't attract him. - -LADY STUTFIELD. Yes, that is always very, very pleasant to hear -about other women. - -MRS. ALLONBY. If we ask him a question about anything, he should -give us an answer all about ourselves. He should invariably praise -us for whatever qualities he knows we haven't got. But he should -be pitiless, quite pitiless, in reproaching us for the virtues that -we have never dreamed of possessing. He should never believe that -we know the use of useful things. That would be unforgiveable. -But he should shower on us everything we don't want. - -LADY CAROLINE. As far as I can see, he is to do nothing but pay -bills and compliments. - -MRS. ALLONBY. He should persistently compromise us in public, and -treat us with absolute respect when we are alone. And yet he -should be always ready to have a perfectly terrible scene, whenever -we want one, and to become miserable, absolutely miserable, at a -moment's notice, and to overwhelm us with just reproaches in less -than twenty minutes, and to be positively violent at the end of -half an hour, and to leave us for ever at a quarter to eight, when -we have to go and dress for dinner. And when, after that, one has -seen him for really the last time, and he has refused to take back -the little things he has given one, and promised never to -communicate with one again, or to write one any foolish letters, he -should be perfectly broken-hearted, and telegraph to one all day -long, and send one little notes every half-hour by a private -hansom, and dine quite alone at the club, so that every one should -know how unhappy he was. And after a whole dreadful week, during -which one has gone about everywhere with one's husband, just to -show how absolutely lonely one was, he may be given a third last -parting, in the evening, and then, if his conduct has been quite -irreproachable, and one has behaved really badly to him, he should -be allowed to admit that he has been entirely in the wrong, and -when he has admitted that, it becomes a woman's duty to forgive, -and one can do it all over again from the beginning, with -variations. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. How clever you are, my dear! You never mean a -single word you say. - -LADY STUTFIELD. Thank you, thank you. It has been quite, quite -entrancing. I must try and remember it all. There are such a -number of details that are so very, very important. - -LADY CAROLINE. But you have not told us yet what the reward of the -Ideal Man is to be. - -MRS. ALLONBY. His reward? Oh, infinite expectation. That is -quite enough for him. - -LADY STUTFIELD. But men are so terribly, terribly exacting, are -they not? - -MRS. ALLONBY. That makes no matter. One should never surrender. - -LADY STUTFIELD. Not even to the Ideal Man? - -MRS. ALLONBY. Certainly not to him. Unless, of course, one wants -to grow tired of him. - -LADY STUTFIELD. Oh! . . . yes. I see that. It is very, very -helpful. Do you think, Mrs. Allonby, I shall ever meet the Ideal -Man? Or are there more than one? - -MRS. ALLONBY. There are just four in London, Lady Stutfield. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Oh, my dear! - -MRS. ALLONBY. [Going over to her.] What has happened? Do tell -me. - -LADY HUNSTANTON [in a low voice] I had completely forgotten that -the American young lady has been in the room all the time. I am -afraid some of this clever talk may have shocked her a little. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Ah, that will do her so much good! - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Let us hope she didn't understand much. I think -I had better go over and talk to her. [Rises and goes across to -HESTER WORSLEY.] Well, dear Miss Worsley. [Sitting down beside -her.] How quiet you have been in your nice little corner all this -time! I suppose you have been reading a book? There are so many -books here in the library. - -HESTER. No, I have been listening to the conversation. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. You mustn't believe everything that was said, you -know, dear. - -HESTER. I didn't believe any of it - -LADY HUNSTANTON. That is quite right, dear. - -HESTER. [Continuing.] I couldn't believe that any women could -really hold such views of life as I have heard to-night from some -of your guests. [An awkward pause.] - -LADY HUNSTANTON. I hear you have such pleasant society in America. -Quite like our own in places, my son wrote to me. - -HESTER. There are cliques in America as elsewhere, Lady -Hunstanton. But true American society consists simply of all the -good women and good men we have in our country. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. What a sensible system, and I dare say quite -pleasant too. I am afraid in England we have too many artificial -social barriers. We don't see as much as we should of the middle -and lower classes. - -HESTER. In America we have no lower classes. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Really? What a very strange arrangement! - -MRS. ALLONBY. What is that dreadful girl talking about? - -LADY STUTFIELD. She is painfully natural, is she not? - -LADY CAROLINE. There are a great many things you haven't got in -America, I am told, Miss Worsley. They say you have no ruins, and -no curiosities. - -MRS. ALLONBY. [To LADY STUTFIELD.] What nonsense! They have -their mothers and their manners. - -HESTER. The English aristocracy supply us with our curiosities, -Lady Caroline. They are sent over to us every summer, regularly, -in the steamers, and propose to us the day after they land. As for -ruins, we are trying to build up something that will last longer -than brick or stone. [Gets up to take her fan from table.] - -LADY HUNSTANTON. What is that, dear? Ah, yes, an iron Exhibition, -is it not, at that place that has the curious name? - -HESTER. [Standing by table.] We are trying to build up life, Lady -Hunstanton, on a better, truer, purer basis than life rests on -here. This sounds strange to you all, no doubt. How could it -sound other than strange? You rich people in England, you don't -know how you are living. How could you know? You shut out from -your society the gentle and the good. You laugh at the simple and -the pure. Living, as you all do, on others and by them, you sneer -at self-sacrifice, and if you throw bread to the poor, it is merely -to keep them quiet for a season. With all your pomp and wealth and -art you don't know how to live - you don't even know that. You -love the beauty that you can see and touch and handle, the beauty -that you can destroy, and do destroy, but of the unseen beauty of -life, of the unseen beauty of a higher life, you know nothing. You -have lost life's secret. Oh, your English society seems to me -shallow, selfish, foolish. It has blinded its eyes, and stopped -its ears. It lies like a leper in purple. It sits like a dead -thing smeared with gold. It is all wrong, all wrong. - -LADY STUTFIELD. I don't think one should know of these things. It -is not very, very nice, is it? - -LADY HUNSTANTON. My dear Miss Worsley, I thought you liked English -society so much. You were such a success in it. And you were so -much admired by the best people. I quite forget what Lord Henry -Weston said of you - but it was most complimentary, and you know -what an authority he is on beauty. - -HESTER. Lord Henry Weston! I remember him, Lady Hunstanton. A -man with a hideous smile and a hideous past. He is asked -everywhere. No dinner-party is complete without him. What of -those whose ruin is due to him? They are outcasts. They are -nameless. If you met them in the street you would turn your head -away. I don't complain of their punishment. Let all women who -have sinned be punished. - -[MRS. ARBUTHNOT enters from terrace behind in a cloak with a lace -veil over her head. She hears the last words and starts.] - -LADY HUNSTANTON. My dear young lady! - -HESTER. It is right that they should be punished, but don't let -them be the only ones to suffer. If a man and woman have sinned, -let them both go forth into the desert to love or loathe each other -there. Let them both be branded. Set a mark, if you wish, on -each, but don't punish the one and let the other go free. Don't -have one law for men and another for women. You are unjust to -women in England. And till you count what is a shame in a woman to -be an infamy in a man, you will always be unjust, and Right, that -pillar of fire, and Wrong, that pillar of cloud, will be made dim -to your eyes, or be not seen at all, or if seen, not regarded - -LADY CAROLINE. Might I, dear Miss Worsley, as you are standing up, -ask you for my cotton that is just behind you? Thank you. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. My dear Mrs. Arbuthnot! I am so pleased you have -come up. But I didn't hear you announced. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Oh, I came straight in from the terrace, Lady -Hunstanton, just as I was. You didn't tell me you had a party. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Not a party. Only a few guests who are staying -in the house, and whom you must know. Allow me. [Tries to help -her. Rings bell.] Caroline, this is Mrs. Arbuthnot, one of my -sweetest friends. Lady Caroline Pontefract, Lady Stutfield, Mrs. -Allonby, and my young American friend, Miss Worsley, who has just -been telling us all how wicked we are. - -HESTER. I am afraid you think I spoke too strongly, Lady -Hunstanton. But there are some things in England - - -LADY HUNSTANTON. My dear young lady, there was a great deal of -truth, I dare say, in what you said, and you looked very pretty -while you said it, which is much more important, Lord Illingworth -would tell us. The only point where I thought you were a little -hard was about Lady Caroline's brother, about poor Lord Henry. He -is really such good company. - -[Enter Footman.] - -Take Mrs. Arbuthnot's things. - -[Exit Footman with wraps.] - -HESTER. Lady Caroline, I had no idea it was your brother. I am -sorry for the pain I must have caused you - I - - -LADY CAROLINE. My dear Miss Worsley, the only part of your little -speech, if I may so term it, with which I thoroughly agreed, was -the part about my brother. Nothing that you could possibly say -could be too bad for him. I regard Henry as infamous, absolutely -infamous. But I am bound to state, as you were remarking, Jane, -that he is excellent company, and he has one of the best cooks in -London, and after a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's -own relations. - -LADY HUNSTANTON [to MISS WORSLEY] Now, do come, dear, and make -friends with Mrs. Arbuthnot. She is one of the good, sweet, simple -people you told us we never admitted into society. I am sorry to -say Mrs. Arbuthnot comes very rarely to me. But that is not my -fault. - -MRS. ALLONBY. What a bore it is the men staying so long after -dinner! I expect they are saying the most dreadful things about -us. - -LADY STUTFIELD. Do you really think so? - -MRS. ALLONBY. I was sure of it. - -LADY STUTFIELD. How very, very horrid of them! Shall we go onto -the terrace? - -MRS. ALLONBY. Oh, anything to get away from the dowagers and the -dowdies. [Rises and goes with LADY STUTFIELD to door L.C.] We are -only going to look at the stars, Lady Hunstanton. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. You will find a great many, dear, a great many. -But don't catch cold. [To MRS. ARBUTHNOT.] We shall all miss -Gerald so much, dear Mrs. Arbuthnot. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. But has Lord Illingworth really offered to make -Gerald his secretary? - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Oh, yes! He has been most charming about it. He -has the highest possible opinion of your boy. You don't know Lord -Illingworth, I believe, dear. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I have never met him. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. You know him by name, no doubt? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I am afraid I don't. I live so much out of the -world, and see so few people. I remember hearing years ago of an -old Lord Illingworth who lived in Yorkshire, I think. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Ah, yes. That would be the last Earl but one. -He was a very curious man. He wanted to marry beneath him. Or -wouldn't, I believe. There was some scandal about it. The present -Lord Illingworth is quite different. He is very distinguished. He -does - well, he does nothing, which I am afraid our pretty American -visitor here thinks very wrong of anybody, and I don't know that he -cares much for the subjects in which you are so interested, dear -Mrs. Arbuthnot. Do you think, Caroline, that Lord Illingworth is -interested in the Housing of the Poor? - -LADY CAROLINE. I should fancy not at all, Jane. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. We all have our different tastes, have we not? -But Lord Illingworth has a very high position, and there is nothing -he couldn't get if he chose to ask for it. Of course, he is -comparatively a young man still, and he has only come to his title -within - how long exactly is it, Caroline, since Lord Illingworth -succeeded? - -LADY CAROLINE. About four years, I think, Jane. I know it was the -same year in which my brother had his last exposure in the evening -newspapers. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Ah, I remember. That would be about four years -ago. Of course, there were a great many people between the present -Lord Illingworth and the title, Mrs. Arbuthnot. There was - who -was there, Caroline? - -LADY CAROLINE. There was poor Margaret's baby. You remember how -anxious she was to have a boy, and it was a boy, but it died, and -her husband died shortly afterwards, and she married almost -immediately one of Lord Ascot's sons, who, I am told, beats her. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Ah, that is in the family, dear, that is in the -family. And there was also, I remember, a clergyman who wanted to -be a lunatic, or a lunatic who wanted to be a clergyman, I forget -which, but I know the Court of Chancery investigated the matter, -and decided that he was quite sane. And I saw him afterwards at -poor Lord Plumstead's with straws in his hair, or something very -odd about him. I can't recall what. I often regret, Lady -Caroline, that dear Lady Cecilia never lived to see her son get the -title. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Lady Cecilia? - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Lord Illingworth's mother, dear Mrs. Arbuthnot, -was one of the Duchess of Jerningham's pretty daughters, and she -married Sir Thomas Harford, who wasn't considered a very good match -for her at the time, though he was said to be the handsomest man in -London. I knew them all quite intimately, and both the sons, -Arthur and George. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. It was the eldest son who succeeded, of course, -Lady Hunstanton? - -LADY HUNSTANTON. No, dear, he was killed in the hunting field. Or -was it fishing, Caroline? I forget. But George came in for -everything. I always tell him that no younger son has ever had -such good luck as he has had. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Lady Hunstanton, I want to speak to Gerald at -once. Might I see him? Can he be sent for? - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Certainly, dear. I will send one of the servants -into the dining-room to fetch him. I don't know what keeps the -gentlemen so long. [Rings bell.] When I knew Lord Illingworth -first as plain George Harford, he was simply a very brilliant young -man about town, with not a penny of money except what poor dear -Lady Cecilia gave him. She was quite devoted to him. Chiefly, I -fancy, because he was on bad terms with his father. Oh, here is -the dear Archdeacon. [To Servant.] It doesn't matter. - -[Enter SIR JOHN and DOCTOR DAUBENY. SIR JOHN goes over to LADY -STUTFIELD, DOCTOR DAUBENY to LADY HUNSTANTON.] - -THE ARCHDEACON. Lord Illingworth has been most entertaining. I -have never enjoyed myself more. [Sees MRS. ARBUTHNOT.] Ah, Mrs. -Arbuthnot. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. [To DOCTOR DAUBENY.] You see I have got Mrs. -Arbuthnot to come to me at last. - -THE ARCHDEACON. That is a great honour, Lady Hunstanton. Mrs. -Daubeny will be quite jealous of you. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Ah, I am so sorry Mrs. Daubeny could not come -with you to-night. Headache as usual, I suppose. - -THE ARCHDEACON. Yes, Lady Hunstanton; a perfect martyr. But she -is happiest alone. She is happiest alone. - -LADY CAROLINE. [To her husband.] John! [SIR JOHN goes over to -his wife. DOCTOR DAUBENY talks to LADY HUNSTANTON and MRS. -ARBUTHNOT.] - -[MRS. ARBUTHNOT watches LORD ILLINGWORTH the whole time. He has -passed across the room without noticing her, and approaches MRS. -ALLONBY, who with LADY STUTFIELD is standing by the door looking on -to the terrace.] - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. How is the most charming woman in the world? - -MRS. ALLONBY. [Taking LADY STUTFIELD by the hand.] We are both -quite well, thank you, Lord Illingworth. But what a short time you -have been in the dining-room! It seems as if we had only just -left. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I was bored to death. Never opened my lips the -whole time. Absolutely longing to come in to you. - -MRS. ALLONBY. You should have. The American girl has been giving -us a lecture. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Really? All Americans lecture, I believe. I -suppose it is something in their climate. What did she lecture -about? - -MRS. ALLONBY. Oh, Puritanism, of course. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I am going to convert her, am I not? How long -do you give me? - -MRS. ALLONBY. A week. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. A week is more than enough. - -[Enter GERALD and LORD ALFRED.] - -GERALD. [Going to MRS. ARBUTHNOT.] Dear mother! - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Gerald, I don't feel at all well. See me home, -Gerald. I shouldn't have come. - -GERALD. I am so sorry, mother. Certainly. But you must know Lord -Illingworth first. [Goes across room.] - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Not to-night, Gerald. - -GERALD. Lord Illingworth, I want you so much to know my mother. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. With the greatest pleasure. [To MRS. ALLONBY.] -I'll be back in a moment. People's mothers always bore me to -death. All women become like their mothers. That is their -tragedy. - -MRS. ALLONBY. No man does. That is his. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. What a delightful mood you are in to-night! -[Turns round and goes across with GERALD to MRS. ARBUTHNOT. When -he sees her, he starts back in wonder. Then slowly his eyes turn -towards GERALD.] - -GERALD. Mother, this is Lord Illingworth, who has offered to take -me as his private secretary. [MRS. ARBUTHNOT bows coldly.] It is -a wonderful opening for me, isn't it? I hope he won't be -disappointed in me, that is all. You'll thank Lord Illingworth, -mother, won't you? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Lord Illingworth in very good, I am sure, to -interest himself in you for the moment. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. [Putting his hand on GERALD's shoulder.] Oh, -Gerald and I are great friends already, Mrs . . . Arbuthnot. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. There can be nothing in common between you and my -son, Lord Illingworth. - -GERALD. Dear mother, how can you say so? Of course Lord -Illingworth is awfully clever and that sort of thing. There is -nothing Lord Illingworth doesn't know. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. My dear boy! - -GERALD. He knows more about life than any one I have ever met. I -feel an awful duffer when I am with you, Lord Illingworth. Of -course, I have had so few advantages. I have not been to Eton or -Oxford like other chaps. But Lord Illingworth doesn't seem to mind -that. He has been awfully good to me, mother. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Lord Illingworth may change his mind. He may not -really want you as his secretary. - -GERALD. Mother! - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. You must remember, as you said yourself, you have -had so few advantages. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Lord Illingworth, I want to speak to you for a -moment. Do come over. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Will you excuse me, Mrs. Arbuthnot? Now, don't -let your charming mother make any more difficulties, Gerald. The -thing is quite settled, isn't it? - -GERALD. I hope so. [LORD ILLINGWORTH goes across to MRS. -ARBUTHNOT.] - -MRS. ALLONBY. I thought you were never going to leave the lady in -black velvet. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. She is excessively handsome. [Looks at MRS. -ARBUTHNOT.] - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Caroline, shall we all make a move to the music- -room? Miss Worsley is going to play. You'll come too, dear Mrs. -Arbuthnot, won't you? You don't know what a treat is in store for -you. [To DOCTOR DAUBENY.] I must really take Miss Worsley down -some afternoon to the rectory. I should so much like dear Mrs. -Daubeny to hear her on the violin. Ah, I forgot. Dear Mrs. -Daubeny's hearing is a little defective, is it not? - -THE ARCHDEACON. Her deafness is a great privation to her. She -can't even hear my sermons now. She reads them at home. But she -has many resources in herself, many resources. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. She reads a good deal, I suppose? - -THE ARCHDEACON. Just the very largest print. The eyesight is -rapidly going. But she's never morbid, never morbid. - -GERALD. [To LORD ILLINGWORTH.] Do speak to my mother, Lord -Illingworth, before you go into the music-room. She seems to -think, somehow, you don't mean what you said to me. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Aren't you coming? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. In a few moments. Lady Hunstanton, if Mrs. -Arbuthnot would allow me, I would like to say a few words to her, -and we will join you later on. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Ah, of course. You will have a great deal to say -to her, and she will have a great deal to thank you for. It is not -every son who gets such an offer, Mrs. Arbuthnot. But I know you -appreciate that, dear. - -LADY CAROLINE. John! - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Now, don't keep Mrs. Arbuthnot too long, Lord -Illingworth. We can't spare her. - -[Exit following the other guests. Sound of violin heard from -music-room.] - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. So that is our son, Rachel! Well, I am very -proud of him. He in a Harford, every inch of him. By the way, why -Arbuthnot, Rachel? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. One name is as good as another, when one has no -right to any name. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I suppose so - but why Gerald? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. After a man whose heart I broke - after my father. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Well, Rachel, what in over is over. All I have -got to say now in that I am very, very much pleased with our boy. -The world will know him merely as my private secretary, but to me -he will be something very near, and very dear. It is a curious -thing, Rachel; my life seemed to be quite complete. It was not so. -It lacked something, it lacked a son. I have found my son now, I -am glad I have found him. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. You have no right to claim him, or the smallest -part of him. The boy is entirely mine, and shall remain mine. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. My dear Rachel, you have had him to yourself for -over twenty years. Why not let me have him for a little now? He -is quite as much mine as yours. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Are you talking of the child you abandoned? Of -the child who, as far as you are concerned, might have died of -hunger and of want? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. You forget, Rachel, it was you who left me. It -was not I who left you. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I left you because you refused to give the child a -name. Before my son was born, I implored you to marry me. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I had no expectations then. And besides, -Rachel, I wasn't much older than you were. I was only twenty-two. -I was twenty-one, I believe, when the whole thing began in your -father's garden. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. When a man is old enough to do wrong he should be -old enough to do right also. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. My dear Rachel, intellectual generalities are -always interesting, but generalities in morals mean absolutely -nothing. As for saying I left our child to starve, that, of -course, is untrue and silly. My mother offered you six hundred a -year. But you wouldn't take anything. You simply disappeared, and -carried the child away with you. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I wouldn't have accepted a penny from her. Your -father was different. He told you, in my presence, when we were in -Paris, that it was your duty to marry me. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Oh, duty is what one expects from others, it is -not what one does oneself. Of course, I was influenced by my -mother. Every man is when he is young. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I am glad to hear you say so. Gerald shall -certainly not go away with you. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. What nonsense, Rachel! - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Do you think I would allow my son - - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. OUR son. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. My son [LORD ILLINGWORTH shrugs his shoulders] - -to go away with the man who spoiled my youth, who ruined my life, -who has tainted every moment of my days? You don't realise what my -past has been in suffering and in shame. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. My dear Rachel, I must candidly say that I think -Gerald's future considerably more important than your past. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Gerald cannot separate his future from my past. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. That is exactly what he should do. That is -exactly what you should help him to do. What a typical woman you -are! You talk sentimentally, and you are thoroughly selfish the -whole time. But don't let us have a scene. Rachel, I want you to -look at this matter from the common-sense point of view, from the -point of view of what is best for our son, leaving you and me out -of the question. What is our son at present? An underpaid clerk -in a small Provincial Bank in a third-rate English town. If you -imagine he is quite happy in such a position, you are mistaken. He -is thoroughly discontented. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. He was not discontented till he met you. You have -made him so. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Of course, I made him so. Discontent is the -first step in the progress of a man or a nation. But I did not -leave him with a mere longing for things he could not get. No, I -made him a charming offer. He jumped at it, I need hardly say. -Any young man would. And now, simply because it turns out that I -am the boy's own father and he my own son, you propose practically -to ruin his career. That is to say, if I were a perfect stranger, -you would allow Gerald to go away with me, but as he is my own -flesh and blood you won't. How utterly illogical you are! - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I will not allow him to go. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. How can you prevent it? What excuse can you -give to him for making him decline such an offer as mine? I won't -tell him in what relations I stand to him, I need hardly say. But -you daren't tell him. You know that. Look how you have brought -him up. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I have brought him up to be a good man. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Quite so. And what is the result? You have -educated him to be your judge if he ever finds you out. And a -bitter, an unjust judge he will be to you. Don't be deceived, -Rachel. Children begin by loving their parents. After a time they -judge them. Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. George, don't take my son away from me. I have -had twenty years of sorrow, and I have only had one thing to love -me, only one thing to love. You have had a life of joy, and -pleasure, and success. You have been quite happy, you have never -thought of us. There was no reason, according to your views of -life, why you should have remembered us at all. Your meeting us -was a mere accident, a horrible accident. Forget it. Don't come -now, and rob me of . . . of all I have in the whole world. You are -so rich in other things. Leave me the little vineyard of my life; -leave me the walled-in garden and the well of water; the ewe-lamb -God sent me, in pity or in wrath, oh! leave me that. George, don't -take Gerald from me. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Rachel, at the present moment you are not -necessary to Gerald's career; I am. There is nothing more to be -said on the subject. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I will not let him go. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Here is Gerald. He has a right to decide for -himself. - -[Enter GERALD.] - -GERALD. Well, dear mother, I hope you have settled it all with -Lord Illingworth? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I have not, Gerald. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Your mother seems not to like your coming with -me, for some reason. - -GERALD. Why, mother? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I thought you were quite happy here with me, -Gerald. I didn't know you were so anxious to leave me. - -GERALD. Mother, how can you talk like that? Of course I have been -quite happy with you. But a man can't stay always with his mother. -No chap does. I want to make myself a position, to do something. -I thought you would have been proud to see me Lord Illingworth's -secretary. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I do not think you would be suitable as a private -secretary to Lord Illingworth. You have no qualifications. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I don't wish to seem to interfere for a moment, -Mrs. Arbuthnot, but as far as your last objection is concerned, I -surely am the best judge. And I can only tell you that your son -has all the qualifications I had hoped for. He has more, in fact, -than I had even thought of. Far more. [MRS. ARBUTHNOT remains -silent.] Have you any other reason, Mrs. Arbuthnot, why you don't -wish your son to accept this post? - -GERALD. Have you, mother? Do answer. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. If you have, Mrs. Arbuthnot, pray, pray say it. -We are quite by ourselves here. Whatever it is, I need not say I -will not repeat it. - -GERALD. Mother? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. If you would like to be alone with your son, I -will leave you. You may have some other reason you don't wish me -to hear. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I have no other reason. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Then, my dear boy, we may look on the thing as -settled. Come, you and I will smoke a cigarette on the terrace -together. And Mrs. Arbuthnot, pray let me tell you, that I think -you have acted very, very wisely. - -[Exit with GERALD. MRS. ARBUTHNOT is left alone. She stands -immobile with a look of unutterable sorrow on her face.] - -ACT DROP - - - -THIRD ACT - - - -SCENE - - -The Picture Gallery at Hunstanton. Door at back leading on to -terrace. - -[LORD ILLINGWORTH and GERALD, R.C. LORD ILLINGWORTH lolling on a -sofa. GERALD in a chair.] - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Thoroughly sensible woman, your mother, Gerald. -I knew she would come round in the end. - -GERALD. My mother is awfully conscientious, Lord Illingworth, and -I know she doesn't think I am educated enough to be your secretary. -She is perfectly right, too. I was fearfully idle when I was at -school, and I couldn't pass an examination now to save my life. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. My dear Gerald, examinations are of no value -whatsoever. If a man is a gentleman, he knows quite enough, and if -he is not a gentleman, whatever he knows is bad for him. - -GERALD. But I am so ignorant of the world, Lord Illingworth. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Don't be afraid, Gerald. Remember that you've -got on your side the most wonderful thing in the world - youth! -There is nothing like youth. The middle-aged are mortgaged to -Life. The old are in life's lumber-room. But youth is the Lord of -Life. Youth has a kingdom waiting for it. Every one is born a -king, and most people die in exile, like most kings. To win back -my youth, Gerald, there is nothing I wouldn't do - except take -exercise, get up early, or be a useful member of the community. - -GERALD. But you don't call yourself old, Lord Illingworth? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I am old enough to be your father, Gerald. - -GERALD. I don't remember my father; he died years ago. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. So Lady Hunstanton told me. - -GERALD. It is very curious, my mother never talks to me about my -father. I sometimes think she must have married beneath her. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. [Winces slightly.] Really? [Goes over and puts -his hand on GERALD'S shoulder.] You have missed not having a -father, I suppose, Gerald? - -GERALD. Oh, no; my mother has been so good to me. No one ever had -such a mother as I have had. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I am quite sure of that. Still I should imagine -that most mothers don't quite understand their sons. Don't -realise, I mean, that a son has ambitions, a desire to see life, to -make himself a name. After all, Gerald, you couldn't be expected -to pass all your life in such a hole as Wrockley, could you? - -GERALD. Oh, no! It would be dreadful! - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. A mother's love is very touching, of course, but -it is often curiously selfish. I mean, there is a good deal of -selfishness in it. - -GERALD. [Slowly.] I suppose there is. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Your mother is a thoroughly good woman. But -good women have such limited views of life, their horizon is so -small, their interests are so petty, aren't they? - -GERALD. They are awfully interested, certainly, in things we don't -care much about. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I suppose your mother is very religious, and -that sort of thing. - -GERALD. Oh, yes, she's always going to church. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Ah! she is not modern, and to be modern is the -only thing worth being nowadays. You want to be modern, don't you, -Gerald? You want to know life as it really is. Not to be put of -with any old-fashioned theories about life. Well, what you have to -do at present is simply to fit yourself for the best society. A -man who can dominate a London dinner-table can dominate the world. -The future belongs to the dandy. It is the exquisites who are -going to rule. - -GERALD. I should like to wear nice things awfully, but I have -always been told that a man should not think too much about his -clothes. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. People nowadays are so absolutely superficial -that they don't understand the philosophy of the superficial. By -the way, Gerald, you should learn how to tie your tie better. -Sentiment is all very well for the button-hole. But the essential -thing for a necktie is style. A well-tied tie is the first serious -step in life. - -GERALD. [Laughing.] I might be able to learn how to tie a tie, -Lord Illingworth, but I should never be able to talk as you do. I -don't know how to talk. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Oh! talk to every woman as if you loved her, and -to every man as if he bored you, and at the end of your first -season you will have the reputation of possessing the most perfect -social tact. - -GERALD. But it is very difficult to get into society isn't it? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. To get into the best society, nowadays, one has -either to feed people, amuse people, or shock people - that is all! - -GERALD. I suppose society is wonderfully delightful! - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. To be in it is merely a bore. But to be out of -it simply a tragedy. Society is a necessary thing. No man has any -real success in this world unless he has got women to back him, and -women rule society. If you have not got women on your side you are -quite over. You might just as well be a barrister, or a -stockbroker, or a journalist at once. - -GERALD. It is very difficult to understand women, is it not? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. You should never try to understand them. Women -are pictures. Men are problems. If you want to know what a woman -really means - which, by the way, is always a dangerous thing to do -- look at her, don't listen to her. - -GERALD. But women are awfully clever, aren't they? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. One should always tell them so. But, to the -philosopher, my dear Gerald, women represent the triumph of matter -over mind - just as men represent the triumph of mind over morals. - -GERALD. How then can women have so much power as you say they -have? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. The history of women is the history of the worst -form of tyranny the world has ever known. The tyranny of the weak -over the strong. It is the only tyranny that lasts. - -GERALD. But haven't women got a refining influence? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Nothing refines but the intellect. - -GERALD. Still, there are many different kinds of women, aren't -there? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Only two kinds in society: the plain and the -coloured. - -GERALD. But there are good women in society, aren't there? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Far too many. - -GERALD. But do you think women shouldn't be good? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. One should never tell them so, they'd all become -good at once. Women are a fascinatingly wilful sex. Every woman -is a rebel, and usually in wild revolt against herself. - -GERALD. You have never been married, Lord Illingworth, have you? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Men marry because they are tired; women because -they are curious. Both are disappointed. - -GERALD. But don't you think one can be happy when one is married? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Perfectly happy. But the happiness of a married -man, my dear Gerald, depends on the people he has not married. - -GERALD. But if one is in love? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. One should always be in love. That is the -reason one should never marry. - -GERALD. Love is a very wonderful thing, isn't it? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. When one is in love one begins by deceiving -oneself. And one ends by deceiving others. That is what the world -calls a romance. But a really GRANDE PASSION is comparatively rare -nowadays. It is the privilege of people who have nothing to do. -That is the one use of the idle classes in a country, and the only -possible explanation of us Harfords. - -GERALD. Harfords, Lord Illingworth? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. That is my family name. You should study the -Peerage, Gerald. It is the one book a young man about town should -know thoroughly, and it is the best thing in fiction the English -have ever done. And now, Gerald, you are going into a perfectly -new life with me, and I want you to know how to live. [MRS. -ARBUTHNOT appears on terrace behind.] For the world has been made -by fools that wise men should live in it! - -[Enter L.C. LADY HUNSTANTON and DR. DAUBENY.] - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Ah! here you are, dear Lord Illingworth. Well, I -suppose you have been telling our young friend, Gerald, what his -new duties are to be, and giving him a great deal of good advice -over a pleasant cigarette. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I have been giving him the best of advice, Lady -Hunstanton, and the best of cigarettes. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. I am so sorry I was not here to listen to you, -but I suppose I am too old now to learn. Except from you, dear -Archdeacon, when you are in your nice pulpit. But then I always -know what you are going to say, so I don't feel alarmed. [Sees -MRS. ARBUTHNOT.] Ah! dear Mrs. Arbuthnot, do come and join us. -Come, dear. [Enter MRS. ARBUTHNOT.] Gerald has been having such a -long talk with Lord Illingworth; I am sure you must feel very much -flattered at the pleasant way in which everything has turned out -for him. Let us sit down. [They sit down.] And how is your -beautiful embroidery going on? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I am always at work, Lady Hunstanton. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Mrs. Daubeny embroiders a little, too, doesn't -she? - -THE ARCHDEACON. She was very deft with her needle once, quite a -Dorcas. But the gout has crippled her fingers a good deal. She -has not touched the tambour frame for nine or ten years. But she -has many other amusements. She is very much interested in her own -health. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Ah! that is always a nice distraction, in it not? -Now, what are you talking about, Lord Illingworth? Do tell us. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I was on the point of explaining to Gerald that -the world has always laughed at its own tragedies, that being the -only way in which it has been able to bear them. And that, -consequently, whatever the world has treated seriously belongs to -the comedy side of things. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Now I am quite out of my depth. I usually am -when Lord Illingworth says anything. And the Humane Society is -most careless. They never rescue me. I am left to sink. I have a -dim idea, dear Lord Illingworth, that you are always on the side of -the sinners, and I know I always try to be on the side of the -saints, but that is as far as I get. And after all, it may be -merely the fancy of a drowning person. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. The only difference between the saint and the -sinner is that every saint has a past, and every sinner has a -future. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Ah! that quite does for me. I haven't a word to -say. You and I, dear Mrs. Arbuthnot, are behind the age. We can't -follow Lord Illingworth. Too much care was taken with our -education, I am afraid. To have been well brought up is a great -drawback nowadays. It shuts one out from so much. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I should be sorry to follow Lord Illingworth in -any of his opinions. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. You are quite right, dear. - -[GERALD shrugs his shoulders and looks irritably over at his -mother. Enter LADY CAROLINE.] - -LADY CAROLINE. Jane, have you seen John anywhere? - -LADY HUNSTANTON. You needn't be anxious about him, dear. He is -with Lady Stutfield; I saw them some time ago, in the Yellow -Drawing-room. They seem quite happy together. You are not going, -Caroline? Pray sit down. - -LADY CAROLINE. I think I had better look after John. - -[Exit LADY CAROLINE.] - -LADY HUNSTANTON. It doesn't do to pay men so much attention. And -Caroline has really nothing to be anxious about. Lady Stutfield is -very sympathetic. She is just as sympathetic about one thing as -she is about another. A beautiful nature. - -[Enter SIR JOHN and MRS. ALLONBY.] - -Ah! here is Sir John! And with Mrs. Allonby too! I suppose it was -Mrs. Allonby I saw him with. Sir John, Caroline has been looking -everywhere for you. - -MRS. ALLONBY. We have been waiting for her in the Music-room, dear -Lady Hunstanton. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Ah! the Music-room, of course. I thought it was -the Yellow Drawing-room, my memory is getting so defective. [To -the ARCHDEACON.] Mrs. Daubeny has a wonderful memory, hasn't she? - -THE ARCHDEACON. She used to be quite remarkable for her memory, -but since her last attack she recalls chiefly the events of her -early childhood. But she finds great pleasure in such -retrospections, great pleasure. - -[Enter LADY STUTFIELD and MR. KELVIL.] - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Ah! dear Lady Stutfield! and what has Mr. Kelvil -been talking to you about? - -LADY STUTFIELD. About Bimetallism, as well as I remember. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Bimetallism! Is that quite a nice subject? -However, I know people discuss everything very freely nowadays. -What did Sir John talk to you about, dear Mrs. Allonby? - -MRS. ALLONBY. About Patagonia. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Really? What a remote topic! But very -improving, I have no doubt. - -MRS. ALLONBY. He has been most interesting on the subject of -Patagonia. Savages seem to have quite the same views as cultured -people on almost all subjects. They are excessively advanced. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. What do they do? - -MRS. ALLONBY. Apparently everything. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Well, it is very gratifying, dear Archdeacon, is -it not, to find that Human Nature is permanently one. - On the -whole, the world is the same world, is it not? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. The world is simply divided into two classes - -those who believe the incredible, like the public - and those who -do the improbable - - -MRS. ALLONBY. Like yourself? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Yes; I am always astonishing myself. It is the -only thing that makes life worth living. - -LADY STUTFIELD. And what have you been doing lately that -astonishes you? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I have been discovering all kinds of beautiful -qualities in my own nature. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Ah! don't become quite perfect all at once. Do it -gradually! - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I don't intend to grow perfect at all. At -least, I hope I shan't. It would be most inconvenient. Women love -us for our defects. If we have enough of them, they will forgive -us everything, even our gigantic intellects. - -MRS. ALLONBY. It is premature to ask us to forgive analysis. We -forgive adoration; that is quite as much as should be expected from -us. - -[Enter LORD ALFRED. He joins LADY STUTFIELD.] - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Ah! we women should forgive everything, shouldn't -we, dear Mrs. Arbuthnot? I am sure you agree with me in that. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I do not, Lady Hunstanton. I think there are many -things women should never forgive. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. What sort of things? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. The ruin of another woman's life. - -[Moves slowly away to back of stage.] - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Ah! those things are very sad, no doubt, but I -believe there are admirable homes where people of that kind are -looked after and reformed, and I think on the whole that the secret -of life is to take things very, very easily. - -MRS. ALLONBY. The secret of life is never to have an emotion that -is unbecoming. - -LADY STUTFIELD. The secret of life is to appreciate the pleasure -of being terribly, terribly deceived. - -KELVIL. The secret of life is to resist temptation, Lady -Stutfield. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. There is no secret of life. Life's aim, if it -has one, is simply to be always looking for temptations. There are -not nearly enough. I sometimes pass a whole day without coming -across a single one. It is quite dreadful. It makes one so -nervous about the future. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. [Shakes her fan at him.] I don't know how it is, -dear Lord Illingworth, but everything you have said to-day seems to -me excessively immoral. It has been most interesting, listening to -you. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. All thought is immoral. Its very essence is -destruction. If you think of anything, you kill it. Nothing -survives being thought of. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. I don't understand a word, Lord Illingworth. But -I have no doubt it is all quite true. Personally, I have very -little to reproach myself with, on the score of thinking. I don't -believe in women thinking too much. Women should think in -moderation, as they should do all things in moderation. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Moderation is a fatal thing, Lady Hunstanton. -Nothing succeeds like excess. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. I hope I shall remember that. It sounds an -admirable maxim. But I'm beginning to forget everything. It's a -great misfortune. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. It is one of your most fascinating qualities, -Lady Hunstanton. No woman should have a memory. Memory in a woman -is the beginning of dowdiness. One can always tell from a woman's -bonnet whether she has got a memory or not. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. How charming you are, dear Lord Illingworth. You -always find out that one's most glaring fault is one's most -important virtue. You have the most comforting views of life. - -[Enter FARQUHAR.] - -FARQUHAR. Doctor Daubeny's carriage! - -LADY HUNSTANTON. My dear Archdeacon! It is only half-past ten. - -THE ARCHDEACON. [Rising.] I am afraid I must go, Lady Hunstanton. -Tuesday is always one of Mrs. Daubeny's bad nights. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. [Rising.] Well, I won't keep you from her. -[Goes with him towards door.] I have told Farquhar to put a brace -of partridge into the carriage. Mrs. Daubeny may fancy them. - -THE ARCHDEACON. It is very kind of you, but Mrs. Daubeny never -touches solids now. Lives entirely on jellies. But she is -wonderfully cheerful, wonderfully cheerful. She has nothing to -complain of. - -[Exit with LADY HUNSTANTON.] - -MRS. ALLONBY. [Goes over to LORD ILLINGWORTH.] There is a -beautiful moon to-night. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Let us go and look at it. To look at anything -that is inconstant is charming nowadays. - -MRS. ALLONBY. You have your looking-glass. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. It is unkind. It merely shows me my wrinkles. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Mine is better behaved. It never tells me the -truth. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Then it is in love with you. - -[Exeunt SIR JOHN, LADY STUTFIELD, MR. KELVIL and LORD ALFRED.] - -GERALD. [To LORD ILLINGWORTH] May I come too? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Do, my dear boy. [Moves towards with MRS. -ALLONBY and GERALD.] - -[LADY CAROLINE enters, looks rapidly round and goes off in opposite -direction to that taken by SIR JOHN and LADY STUTFIELD.] - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Gerald! - -GERALD. What, mother! - -[Exit LORD ILLINGWORTH with MRS. ALLONBY.] - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. It is getting late. Let us go home. - -GERALD. My dear mother. Do let us wait a little longer. Lord -Illingworth is so delightful, and, by the way, mother, I have a -great surprise for you. We are starting for India at the end of -this month. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Let us go home. - -GERALD. If you really want to, of course, mother, but I must bid -good-bye to Lord Illingworth first. I'll be back in five minutes. -[Exit.] - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Let him leave me if he chooses, but not with him - -not with him! I couldn't bear it. [Walks up and down.] - -[Enter HESTER.] - -HESTER. What a lovely night it is, Mrs. Arbuthnot. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Is it? - -HESTER. Mrs. Arbuthnot, I wish you would let us be friends. You -are so different from the other women here. When you came into the -Drawing-room this evening, somehow you brought with you a sense of -what is good and pure in life. I had been foolish. There are -things that are right to say, but that may be said at the wrong -time and to the wrong people. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I heard what you said. I agree with it, Miss -Worsley. - -HESTER. I didn't know you had heard it. But I knew you would -agree with me. A woman who has sinned should be punished, -shouldn't she? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Yes. - -HESTER. She shouldn't be allowed to come into the society of good -men and women? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. She should not. - -HESTER. And the man should be punished in the same way? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. In the same way. And the children, if there are -children, in the same way also? - -HESTER. Yes, it is right that the sins of the parents should be -visited on the children. It is a just law. It is God's law. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. It is one of God's terrible laws. - -[Moves away to fireplace.] - -HESTER. You are distressed about your son leaving you, Mrs. -Arbuthnot? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Yes. - -HESTER. Do you like him going away with Lord Illingworth? Of -course there is position, no doubt, and money, but position and -money are not everything, are they? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. They are nothing; they bring misery. - -HESTER. Then why do you let your son go with him? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. He wishes it himself. - -HESTER. But if you asked him he would stay, would he not? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. He has set his heart on going. - -HESTER. He couldn't refuse you anything. He loves you too much. -Ask him to stay. Let me send him in to you. He is on the terrace -at this moment with Lord Illingworth. I heard them laughing -together as I passed through the Music-room. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Don't trouble, Miss Worsley, I can wait. It is of -no consequence. - -HESTER. No, I'll tell him you want him. Do - do ask him to stay. -[Exit HESTER.] - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. He won't come - I know he won't come. - -[Enter LADY CAROLINE. She looks round anxiously. Enter GERALD.] - -LADY CAROLINE. Mr. Arbuthnot, may I ask you is Sir John anywhere -on the terrace? - -GERALD. No, Lady Caroline, he is not on the terrace. - -LADY CAROLINE. It is very curious. It is time for him to retire. - -[Exit LADY CAROLINE.] - -GERALD. Dear mother, I am afraid I kept you waiting. I forgot all -about it. I am so happy to-night, mother; I have never been so -happy. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. At the prospect of going away? - -GERALD. Don't put it like that, mother. Of course I am sorry to -leave you. Why, you are the best mother in the whole world. But -after all, as Lord Illingworth says, it is impossible to live in -such a place as Wrockley. You don't mind it. But I'm ambitions; I -want something more than that. I want to have a career. I want to -do something that will make you proud of me, and Lord Illingworth -is going to help me. He is going to do everything for me. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Gerald, don't go away with Lord Illingworth. I -implore you not to. Gerald, I beg you! - -GERALD. Mother, how changeable you are! You don't seem to know -your own mind for a single moment. An hour and a half ago in the -Drawing-room you agreed to the whole thing; now you turn round and -make objections, and try to force me to give up my one chance in -life. Yes, my one chance. You don't suppose that men like Lord -Illingworth are to be found every day, do you, mother? It is very -strange that when I have had such a wonderful piece of good luck, -the one person to put difficulties in my way should be my own -mother. Besides, you know, mother, I love Hester Worsley. Who -could help loving her? I love her more than I have ever told you, -far more. And if I had a position, if I had prospects, I could - I -could ask her to - Don't you understand now, mother, what it means -to me to be Lord Illingworth's secretary? To start like that is to -find a career ready for one - before one - waiting for one. If I -were Lord Illingworth's secretary I could ask Hester to be my wife. -As a wretched bank clerk with a hundred a year it would be an -impertinence. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I fear you need have no hopes of Miss Worsley. I -know her views on life. She has just told them to me. [A pause.] - -GERALD. Then I have my ambition left, at any rate. That is -something - I am glad I have that! You have always tried to crush -my ambition, mother - haven't you? You have told me that the world -is a wicked place, that success is not worth having, that society -is shallow, and all that sort of thing - well, I don't believe it, -mother. I think the world must be delightful. I think society -must be exquisite. I think success is a thing worth having. You -have been wrong in all that you taught me, mother, quite wrong. -Lord Illingworth is a successful man. He is a fashionable man. He -is a man who lives in the world and for it. Well, I would give -anything to be just like Lord Illingworth. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I would sooner see you dead. - -GERALD. Mother, what is your objection to Lord Illingworth? Tell -me - tell me right out. What is it? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. He is a bad man. - -GERALD. In what way bad? I don't understand what you mean. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I will tell you. - -GERALD. I suppose you think him bad, because he doesn't believe -the same things as you do. Well, men are different from women, -mother. It is natural that they should have different views. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. It is not what Lord Illingworth believes, or what -he does not believe, that makes him bad. It is what he is. - -GERALD. Mother, is it something you know of him? Something you -actually know? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. It is something I know. - -GERALD. Something you are quite sure of? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Quite sure of. - -GERALD. How long have you known it? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. For twenty years. - -GERALD. Is it fair to go back twenty years in any man's career? -And what have you or I to do with Lord Illingworth's early life? -What business is it of ours? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. What this man has been, he is now, and will be -always. - -GERALD. Mother, tell me what Lord Illingworth did? If he did -anything shameful, I will not go away with him. Surely you know me -well enough for that? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Gerald, come near to me. Quite close to me, as -you used to do when you were a little boy, when you were mother's -own boy. [GERALD sits down betide his mother. She runs her -fingers through his hair, and strokes his hands.] Gerald, there -was a girl once, she was very young, she was little over eighteen -at the time. George Harford - that was Lord Illingworth's name -then - George Harford met her. She knew nothing about life. He - -knew everything. He made this girl love him. He made her love him -so much that she left her father's house with him one morning. She -loved him so much, and he had promised to marry her! He had -solemnly promised to marry her, and she had believed him. She was -very young, and - and ignorant of what life really is. But he put -the marriage off from week to week, and month to month. - She -trusted in him all the while. She loved him. - Before her child -was born - for she had a child - she implored him for the child's -sake to marry her, that the child might have a name, that her sin -might not be visited on the child, who was innocent. He refused. -After the child was born she left him, taking the child away, and -her life was ruined, and her soul ruined, and all that was sweet, -and good, and pure in her ruined also. She suffered terribly - she -suffers now. She will always suffer. For her there is no joy, no -peace, no atonement. She is a woman who drags a chain like a -guilty thing. She is a woman who wears a mask, like a thing that -is a leper. The fire cannot purify her. The waters cannot quench -her anguish. Nothing can heal her! no anodyne can give her sleep! -no poppies forgetfulness! She is lost! She is a lost soul! - That -is why I call Lord Illingworth a bad man. That is why I don't want -my boy to be with him. - -GERALD. My dear mother, it all sounds very tragic, of course. But -I dare say the girl was just as much to blame as Lord Illingworth -was. - After all, would a really nice girl, a girl with any nice -feelings at all, go away from her home with a man to whom she was -not married, and live with him as his wife? No nice girl would. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. [After a pause.] Gerald, I withdraw all my -objections. You are at liberty to go away with Lord Illingworth, -when and where you choose. - -GERALD. Dear mother, I knew you wouldn't stand in my way. You are -the best woman God ever made. And, as for Lord Illingworth, I -don't believe he is capable of anything infamous or base. I can't -believe it of him - I can't. - -HESTER. [Outside.] Let me go! Let me go! [Enter HESTER in -terror, and rushes over to GERALD and flings herself in his arms.] - -HESTER. Oh! save me - save me from him! - -GERALD. From whom? - -HESTER. He has insulted me! Horribly insulted me! Save me! - -GERALD. Who? Who has dared - ? - -[LORD ILLINGWORTH enters at back of stage. HESTER breaks from -GERALD'S arms and points to him.] - -GERALD [He is quite beside himself with rage and indignation.] -Lord Illingworth, you have insulted the purest thing on God's -earth, a thing as pure as my own mother. You have insulted the -woman I love most in the world with my own mother. As there is a -God in Heaven, I will kill you! - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. [Rushing across and catching hold of him] No! no! - -GERALD. [Thrusting her back.] Don't hold me, mother. Don't hold -me - I'll kill him! - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Gerald! - -GERALD. Let me go, I say! - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Stop, Gerald, stop! He is your own father! - -[GERALD clutches his mother's hands and looks into her face. She -sinks slowly on the ground in shame. HESTER steals towards the -door. LORD ILLINGWORTH frowns and bites his lip. After a time -GERALD raises his mother up, puts his am round her, and leads her -from the room.] - -ACT DROP - - - -FOURTH ACT - - - -SCENE - -Sitting-room at Mrs. Arbuthnot's. Large open French window at -back, looking on to garden. Doors R.C. and L.C. - -[GERALD ARBUTHNOT writing at table.] - -[Enter ALICE R.C. followed by LADY HUNSTANTON and MRS. ALLONBY.] - -ALICE. Lady Hunstanton and Mrs. Allonby. - -[Exit L.C.] - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Good morning, Gerald. - -GERALD. [Rising.] Good morning, Lady Hunstanton. Good morning, -Mrs. Allonby. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. [Sitting down.] We came to inquire for your dear -mother, Gerald. I hope she is better? - -GERALD. My mother has not come down yet, Lady Hunstanton. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Ah, I am afraid the heat was too much for her -last night. I think there must have been thunder in the air. Or -perhaps it was the music. Music makes one feel so romantic - at -least it always gets on one's nerves. - -MRS. ALLONBY. It's the same thing, nowadays. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. I am so glad I don't know what you mean, dear. I -am afraid you mean something wrong. Ah, I see you're examining -Mrs. Arbuthnot's pretty room. Isn't it nice and old-fashioned? - -MRS. ALLONBY. [Surveying the room through her lorgnette.] It -looks quite the happy English home. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. That's just the word, dear; that just describes -it. One feels your mother's good influence in everything she has -about her, Gerald. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Lord Illingworth says that all influence is bad, but -that a good influence is the worst in the world. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. When Lord Illingworth knows Mrs. Arbuthnot better -he will change his mind. I must certainly bring him here. - -MRS. ALLONBY. I should like to see Lord Illingworth in a happy -English home. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. It would do him a great deal of good, dear. Most -women in London, nowadays, seem to furnish their rooms with nothing -but orchids, foreigners, and French novels. But here we have the -room of a sweet saint. Fresh natural flowers, books that don't -shock one, pictures that one can look at without blushing. - -MRS. ALLONBY. But I like blushing. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Well, there IS a good deal to be said for -blushing, if one can do it at the proper moment. Poor dear -Hunstanton used to tell me I didn't blush nearly often enough. But -then he was so very particular. He wouldn't let me know any of his -men friends, except those who were over seventy, like poor Lord -Ashton: who afterwards, by the way, was brought into the Divorce -Court. A most unfortunate case. - -MRS. ALLONBY. I delight in men over seventy. They always offer -one the devotion of a lifetime. I think seventy an ideal age for a -man. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. She is quite incorrigible, Gerald, isn't she? -By-the-by, Gerald, I hope your dear mother will come and see me -more often now. You and Lord Illingworth start almost immediately, -don't you? - -GERALD. I have given up my intention of being Lord Illingworth's -secretary. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Surely not, Gerald! It would be most unwise of -you. What reason can you have? - -GERALD. I don't think I should be suitable for the post. - -MRS. ALLONBY. I wish Lord Illingworth would ask me to be his -secretary. But he says I am not serious enough. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. My dear, you really mustn't talk like that in -this house. Mrs. Arbuthnot doesn't know anything about the wicked -society in which we all live. She won't go into it. She is far -too good. I consider it was a great honour her coming to me last -night. It gave quite an atmosphere of respectability to the party. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Ah, that must have been what you thought was thunder -in the air. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. My dear, how can you say that? There is no -resemblance between the two things at all. But really, Gerald, -what do you mean by not being suitable? - -GERALD. Lord Illingworth's views of life and mine are too -different. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. But, my dear Gerald, at your age you shouldn't -have any views of life. They are quite out of place. You must be -guided by others in this matter. Lord Illingworth has made you the -most flattering offer, and travelling with him you would see the -world - as much of it, at least, as one should look at - under the -best auspices possible, and stay with all the right people, which -is so important at this solemn moment in your career. - -GERALD. I don't want to see the world: I've seen enough of it. - -MRS. ALLONBY. I hope you don't think you have exhausted life, Mr. -Arbuthnot. When a man says that, one knows that life has exhausted -him. - -GERALD. I don't wish to leave my mother. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Now, Gerald, that is pure laziness on your part. -Not leave your mother! If I were your mother I would insist on -your going. - -[Enter ALICE L.C.] - -ALICE. Mrs. Arbuthnot's compliments, my lady, but she has a bad -headache, and cannot see any one this morning. [Exit R.C.] - -LADY HUNSTANTON. [Rising.] A bad headache! I am so sorry! -Perhaps you'll bring her up to Hunstanton this afternoon, if she is -better, Gerald. - -GERALD. I am afraid not this afternoon, Lady Hunstanton. - -LADY HUNSTANTON. Well, to-morrow, then. Ah, if you had a father, -Gerald, he wouldn't let you waste your life here. He would send -you off with Lord Illingworth at once. But mothers are so weak. -They give up to their sons in everything. We are all heart, all -heart. Come, dear, I must call at the rectory and inquire for Mrs. -Daubeny, who, I am afraid, is far from well. It is wonderful how -the Archdeacon bears up, quite wonderful. He is the most -sympathetic of husbands. Quite a model. Good-bye, Gerald, give my -fondest love to your mother. - -MRS. ALLONBY. Good-bye, Mr. Arbuthnot. - -GERALD. Good-bye. - -[Exit LADY HUNSTANTON and MRS. ALLONBY. GERALD sits down and reads -over his letter.] - -GERALD. What name can I sign? I, who have no right to any name. -[Signs name, puts letter into envelope, addresses it, and is about -to seal it, when door L.C. opens and MRS. ARBUTHNOT enters. GERALD -lays down sealing-wax. Mother and son look at each other.] - -LADY HUNSTANTON. [Through French window at the back.] Good-bye -again, Gerald. We are taking the short cut across your pretty -garden. Now, remember my advice to you - start at once with Lord -Illingworth. - -MRS. ALLONBY. AU REVOIR, Mr. Arbuthnot. Mind you bring me back -something nice from your travels - not an Indian shawl - on no -account an Indian shawl. - -[Exeunt.] - -GERALD. Mother, I have just written to him. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. To whom? - -GERALD. To my father. I have written to tell him to come here at -four o'clock this afternoon. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. He shall not come here. He shall not cross the -threshold of my house. - -GERALD. He must come. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Gerald, if you are going away with Lord -Illingworth, go at once. Go before it kills me: but don't ask me -to meet him. - -GERALD. Mother, you don't understand. Nothing in the world would -induce me to go away with Lord Illingworth, or to leave you. -Surely you know me well enough for that. No: I have written to him -to say - - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. What can you have to say to him? - -GERALD. Can't you guess, mother, what I have written in this -letter? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. No. - -GERALD. Mother, surely you can. Think, think what must be done, -now, at once, within the next few days. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. There is nothing to be done. - -GERALD. I have written to Lord Illingworth to tell him that he -must marry you. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Marry me? - -GERALD. Mother, I will force him to do it. The wrong that has -been done you must be repaired. Atonement must be made. Justice -may be slow, mother, but it comes in the end. In a few days you -shall be Lord Illingworth's lawful wife. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. But, Gerald - - -GERALD. I will insist upon his doing it. I will make him do it: -he will not dare to refuse. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. But, Gerald, it is I who refuse. I will not marry -Lord Illingworth. - -GERALD. Not marry him? Mother! - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I will not marry him. - -GERALD. But you don't understand: it is for your sake I am -talking, not for mine. This marriage, this necessary marriage, -this marriage which for obvious reasons must inevitably take place, -will not help me, will not give me a name that will be really, -rightly mine to bear. But surely it will be something for you, -that you, my mother, should, however late, become the wife of the -man who is my father. Will not that be something? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I will not marry him. - -GERALD. Mother, you must. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I will not. You talk of atonement for a wrong -done. What atonement can be made to me? There is no atonement -possible. I am disgraced: he is not. That is all. It is the -usual history of a man and a woman as it usually happens, as it -always happens. And the ending is the ordinary ending. The woman -suffers. The man goes free. - -GERALD. I don't know if that is the ordinary ending, mother: I -hope it is not. But your life, at any rate, shall not end like -that. The man shall make whatever reparation is possible. It is -not enough. It does not wipe out the past, I know that. But at -least it makes the future better, better for you, mother. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I refuse to marry Lord Illingworth. - -GERALD. If he came to you himself and asked you to be his wife you -would give him a different answer. Remember, he is my father. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. If he came himself, which he will not do, my -answer would be the same. Remember I am your mother. - -GERALD. Mother, you make it terribly difficult for me by talking -like that; and I can't understand why you won't look at this matter -from the right, from the only proper standpoint. It is to take -away the bitterness out of your life, to take away the shadow that -lies on your name, that this marriage must take place. There is no -alternative: and after the marriage you and I can go away together. -But the marriage must take place first. It is a duty that you owe, -not merely to yourself, but to all other women - yes: to all the -other women in the world, lest he betray more. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I owe nothing to other women. There is not one of -them to help me. There is not one woman in the world to whom I -could go for pity, if I would take it, or for sympathy, if I could -win it. Women are hard on each other. That girl, last night, good -though she is, fled from the room as though I were a tainted thing. -She was right. I am a tainted thing. But my wrongs are my own, -and I will bear them alone. I must bear them alone. What have -women who have not sinned to do with me, or I with them? We do not -understand each other. - -[Enter HESTER behind.] - -GERALD. I implore you to do what I ask you. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. What son has ever asked of his mother to make so -hideous a sacrifice? None. - -GERALD. What mother has ever refused to marry the father of her -own child? None. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Let me be the first, then. I will not do it. - -GERALD. Mother, you believe in religion, and you brought me up to -believe in it also. Well, surely your religion, the religion that -you taught me when I was a boy, mother, must tell you that I am -right. You know it, you feel it. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I do not know it. I do not feel it, nor will I -ever stand before God's altar and ask God's blessing on so hideous -a mockery as a marriage between me and George Harford. I will not -say the words the Church bids us to say. I will not say them. I -dare not. How could I swear to love the man I loathe, to honour -him who wrought you dishonour, to obey him who, in his mastery, -made me to sin? No: marriage is a sacrament for those who love -each other. It is not for such as him, or such as me. Gerald, to -save you from the world's sneers and taunts I have lied to the -world. For twenty years I have lied to the world. I could not -tell the world the truth. Who can, ever? But not for my own sake -will I lie to God, and in God's presence. No, Gerald, no ceremony, -Church-hallowed or State-made, shall ever bind me to George -Harford. It may be that I am too bound to him already, who, -robbing me, yet left me richer, so that in the mire of my life I -found the pearl of price, or what I thought would be so. - -GERALD. I don't understand you now. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Men don't understand what mothers are. I am no -different from other women except in the wrong done me and the -wrong I did, and my very heavy punishments and great disgrace. And -yet, to bear you I had to look on death. To nurture you I had to -wrestle with it. Death fought with me for you. All women have to -fight with death to keep their children. Death, being childless, -wants our children from us. Gerald, when you were naked I clothed -you, when you were hungry I gave you food. Night and day all that -long winter I tended you. No office is too mean, no care too lowly -for the thing we women love - and oh! how I loved YOU. Not Hannah, -Samuel more. And you needed love, for you were weakly, and only -love could have kept you alive. Only love can keep any one alive. -And boys are careless often and without thinking give pain, and we -always fancy that when they come to man's estate and know us better -they will repay us. But it is not so. The world draws them from -our side, and they make friends with whom they are happier than -they are with us, and have amusements from which we are barred, and -interests that are not ours: and they are unjust to us often, for -when they find life bitter they blame us for it, and when they find -it sweet we do not taste its sweetness with them . . . You made -many friends and went into their houses and were glad with them, -and I, knowing my secret, did not dare to follow, but stayed at -home and closed the door, shut out the sun and sat in darkness. -What should I have done in honest households? My past was ever -with me. . . . And you thought I didn't care for the pleasant -things of life. I tell you I longed for them, but did not dare to -touch them, feeling I had no right. You thought I was happier -working amongst the poor. That was my mission, you imagined. It -was not, but where else was I to go? The sick do not ask if the -hand that smooths their pillow is pure, nor the dying care if the -lips that touch their brow have known the kiss of sin. It was you -I thought of all the time; I gave to them the love you did not -need: lavished on them a love that was not theirs . . . And you -thought I spent too much of my time in going to Church, and in -Church duties. But where else could I turn? God's house is the -only house where sinners are made welcome, and you were always in -my heart, Gerald, too much in my heart. For, though day after day, -at morn or evensong, I have knelt in God's house, I have never -repented of my sin. How could I repent of my sin when you, my -love, were its fruit! Even now that you are bitter to me I cannot -repent. I do not. You are more to me than innocence. I would -rather be your mother - oh! much rather! - than have been always -pure . . . Oh, don't you see? don't you understand? It is my -dishonour that has made you so dear to me. It is my disgrace that -has bound you so closely to me. It is the price I paid for you - -the price of soul and body - that makes me love you as I do. Oh, -don't ask me to do this horrible thing. Child of my shame, be -still the child of my shame! - -GERALD. Mother, I didn't know you loved me so much as that. And I -will be a better son to you than I have been. And you and I must -never leave each other . . . but, mother . . . I can't help it . . -. you must become my father's wife. You must marry him. It is -your duty. - -HESTER. [Running forwards and embracing MRS. ARBUTHNOT.] No, no; -you shall not. That would be real dishonour, the first you have -ever known. That would be real disgrace: the first to touch you. -Leave him and come with me. There are other countries than England -. . . Oh! other countries over sea, better, wiser, and less unjust -lands. The world is very wide and very big. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. No, not for me. For me the world is shrivelled to -a palm's breadth, and where I walk there are thorns. - -HESTER. It shall not be so. We shall somewhere find green valleys -and fresh waters, and if we weep, well, we shall weep together. -Have we not both loved him? - -GERALD. Hester! - -HESTER. [Waving him back.] Don't, don't! You cannot love me at -all, unless you love her also. You cannot honour me, unless she's -holier to you. In her all womanhood is martyred. Not she alone, -but all of us are stricken in her house. - -GERALD. Hester, Hester, what shall I do? - -HESTER. Do you respect the man who is your father? - -GERALD. Respect him? I despise him! He is infamous. - -HESTER. I thank you for saving me from him last night. - -GERALD. Ah, that is nothing. I would die to save you. But you -don't tell me what to do now! - -HESTER. Have I not thanked you for saving ME? - -GERALD. But what should I do? - -HESTER. Ask your own heart, not mine. I never had a mother to -save, or shame. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. He is hard - he is hard. Let me go away. - -GERALD. [Rushes over and kneels down bedside his mother.] Mother, -forgive me: I have been to blame. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Don't kiss my hands: they are cold. My heart is -cold: something has broken it. - -HESTER, Ah, don't say that. Hearts live by being wounded. -Pleasure may turn a heart to stone, riches may make it callous, but -sorrow - oh, sorrow cannot break it. Besides, what sorrows have -you now? Why, at this moment you are more dear to him than ever, -DEAR though you have BEEN, and oh! how dear you HAVE been always. -Ah! be kind to him. - -GERALD. You are my mother and my father all in one. I need no -second parent. It was for you I spoke, for you alone. Oh, say -something, mother. Have I but found one love to lose another? -Don't tell me that. O mother, you are cruel. [Gets up and flings -himself sobbing on a sofa.] - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. [To HESTER.] But has he found indeed another -love? - -HESTER. You know I have loved him always. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. But we are very poor. - -HESTER. Who, being loved, is poor? Oh, no one. I hate my riches. -They are a burden. Let him share it with me. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. But we are disgraced. We rank among the outcasts -Gerald is nameless. The sins of the parents should be visited on -the children. It is God's law. - -HESTER. I was wrong. God's law is only Love. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. [Rises, and taking HESTER by the hand, goes slowly -over to where GERALD is lying on the sofa with his head buried in -his hands. She touches him and he looks up.] Gerald, I cannot -give you a father, but I have brought you a wife. - -GERALD. Mother, I am not worthy either of her or you. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. So she comes first, you are worthy. And when you -are away, Gerald . . . with . . . her - oh, think of me sometimes. -Don't forget me. And when you pray, pray for me. We should pray -when we are happiest, and you will be happy, Gerald. - -HESTER. Oh, you don't think of leaving us? - -GERALD. Mother, you won't leave us? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I might bring shame upon you! - -GERALD. Mother! - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. For a little then: and if you let me, near you -always. - -HESTER. [To MRS. ARBUTHNOT.] Come out with us to the garden. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Later on, later on. [Exeunt HESTER and GERALD. -MRS. ARBUTHNOT goes towards door L.C. Stops at looking-glass over -mantelpiece and looks into it. Enter ALICE R.C.] - -ALICE. A gentleman to see you, ma'am. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Say I am not at home. Show me the card. [Takes -card from salver and looks at it.] Say I will not see him. - -[LORD ILLINGWORTH enters. MRS. ARBUTHNOT sees him in the glass and -starts, but does not turn round. Exit ALICE.] What can you have -to say to me to-day, George Harford? You can have nothing to say -to me. You must leave this house. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Rachel, Gerald knows everything about you and me -now, so some arrangement must be come to that will suit us all -three. I assure you, he will find in me the most charming and -generous of fathers. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. My son may come in at any moment. I saved you -last night. I may not be able to save you again. My son feels my -dishonour strongly, terribly strongly. I beg you to go. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. [Sitting down.] Last night was excessively -unfortunate. That silly Puritan girl making a scene merely because -I wanted to kiss her. What harm is there in a kiss? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. [Turning round.] A kiss may ruin a human life, -George Harford. I know that. I know that too well. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. We won't discuss that at present. What is of -importance to-day, as yesterday, is still our son. I am extremely -fond of him, as you know, and odd though it may seem to you, I -admired his conduct last night immensely. He took up the cudgels -for that pretty prude with wonderful promptitude. He is just what -I should have liked a son of mine to be. Except that no son of -mine should ever take the side of the Puritans: that is always an -error. Now, what I propose is this. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Lord Illingworth, no proposition of yours -interests me. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. According to our ridiculous English laws, I -can't legitimise Gerald. But I can leave him my property. -Illingworth is entailed, of course, but it is a tedious barrack of -a place. He can have Ashby, which is much prettier, Harborough, -which has the best shooting in the north of England, and the house -in St. James Square. What more can a gentleman require in this -world? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Nothing more, I am quite sure. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. As for a title, a title is really rather a -nuisance in these democratic days. As George Harford I had -everything I wanted. Now I have merely everything that other -people want, which isn't nearly so pleasant. Well, my proposal is -this. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I told you I was not interested, and I beg you to -go. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. The boy is to be with you for six months in the -year, and with me for the other six. That is perfectly fair, is it -not? You can have whatever allowance you like, and live where you -choose. As for your past, no one knows anything about it except -myself and Gerald. There is the Puritan, of course, the Puritan in -white muslin, but she doesn't count. She couldn't tell the story -without explaining that she objected to being kissed, could she? -And all the women would think her a fool and the men think her a -bore. And you need not be afraid that Gerald won't be my heir. I -needn't tell you I have not the slightest intention of marrying. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. You come too late. My son has no need of you. -You are not necessary. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. What do you mean, Rachel? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. That you are not necessary to Gerald's career. He -does not require you. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I do not understand you. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Look into the garden. [LORD ILLINGWORTH rises and -goes towards window.] You had better not let them see you: you -bring unpleasant memories. [LORD ILLINGWORTH looks out and -starts.] She loves him. They love each other. We are safe from -you, and we are going away. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Where? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. We will not tell you, and if you find us we will -not know you. You seem surprised. What welcome would you get from -the girl whose lips you tried to soil, from the boy whose life you -have shamed, from the mother whose dishonour comes from you? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. You have grown hard, Rachel. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I was too weak once. It is well for me that I -have changed. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I was very young at the time. We men know life -too early. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. And we women know life too late. That is the -difference between men and women. [A pause.] - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Rachel, I want my son. My money may be of no -use to him now. I may be of no use to him, but I want my son. -Bring us together, Rachel. You can do it if you choose. [Sees -letter on table.] - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. There is no room in my boy's life for you. He is -not interested in YOU. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Then why does he write to me? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. What do you mean? - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. What letter is this? [Takes up letter.] - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. That - is nothing. Give it to me. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. It is addressed to ME. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. You are not to open it. I forbid you to open it. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. And in Gerald's handwriting. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. It was not to have been sent. It is a letter he -wrote to you this morning, before he saw me. But he is sorry now -he wrote it, very sorry. You are not to open it. Give it to me. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. It belongs to me. [Opens it, sits down and -reads it slowly. MRS. ARBUTHNOT watches him all the time.] You -have read this letter, I suppose, Rachel? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. No. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. You know what is in it? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Yes! - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I don't admit for a moment that the boy is right -in what he says. I don't admit that it is any duty of mine to -marry you. I deny it entirely. But to get my son back I am ready -- yes, I am ready to marry you, Rachel - and to treat you always -with the deference and respect due to my wife. I will marry you as -soon as you choose. I give you my word of honour. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. You made that promise to me once before and broke -it. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I will keep it now. And that will show you that -I love my son, at least as much as you love him. For when I marry -you, Rachel, there are some ambitions I shall have to surrender. -High ambitions, too, if any ambition is high. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I decline to marry you, Lord Illingworth. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Are you serious? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Yes. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Do tell me your reasons. They would interest me -enormously. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. I have already explained them to my son. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I suppose they were intensely sentimental, -weren't they? You women live by your emotions and for them. You -have no philosophy of life. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. You are right. We women live by our emotions and -for them. By our passions, and for them, if you will. I have two -passions, Lord Illingworth: my love of him, my hate of you. You -cannot kill those. They feed each other. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. What sort of love is that which needs to have -hate as its brother? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. It is the sort of love I have for Gerald. Do you -think that terrible? Well it is terrible. All love is terrible. -All love is a tragedy. I loved you once, Lord Illingworth. Oh, -what a tragedy for a woman to have loved you! - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. So you really refuse to marry me? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Yes. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. Because you hate me? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Yes. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. And does my son hate me as you do? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. No. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. I am glad of that, Rachel. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. He merely despises you. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. What a pity! What a pity for him, I mean. - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Don't be deceived, George. Children begin by -loving their parents. After a time they judge them. Rarely if -ever do they forgive them. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. [Reads letter over again, very slowly.] May I -ask by what arguments you made the boy who wrote this letter, this -beautiful, passionate letter, believe that you should not marry his -father, the father of your own child? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. It was not I who made him see it. It was another. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. What FIN-DE-SIECLE person? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. The Puritan, Lord Illingworth. [A pause.] - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. [Winces, then rises slowly and goes over to -table where his hat and gloves are. MRS. ARBUTHNOT is standing -close to the table. He picks up one of the gloves, and begins -pulling it on.] There is not much then for me to do here, Rachel? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. Nothing. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. It is good-bye, is it? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. For ever, I hope, this time, Lord Illingworth. - -LORD ILLINGWORTH. How curious! At this moment you look exactly as -you looked the night you left me twenty years ago. You have just -the same expression in your mouth. Upon my word, Rachel, no woman -ever loved me as you did. Why, you gave yourself to me like a -flower, to do anything I liked with. You were the prettiest of -playthings, the most fascinating of small romances . . . [Pulls out -watch.] Quarter to two! Must be strolling back to Hunstanton. -Don't suppose I shall see you there again. I'm sorry, I am, -really. It's been an amusing experience to have met amongst people -of one's own rank, and treated quite seriously too, one's mistress, -and one's - - -[MRS. ARBUTHNOT snatches up glove and strikes LORD ILLINGWORTH -across the face with it. LORD ILLINGWORTH starts. He is dazed by -the insult of his punishment. Then he controls himself, and goes -to window and looks out at his son. Sighs and leaves the room.] - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. [Falls sobbing on the sofa.] He would have said -it. He would have said it. - -[Enter GERALD and HESTER from the garden.] - -GERALD. Well, dear mother. You never came out after all. So we -have come in to fetch you. Mother, you have not been crying? -[Kneels down beside her.] - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. My boy! My boy! My boy! [Running her fingers -through his hair.] - -HESTER. [Coming over.] But you have two children now. You'll let -me be your daughter? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. [Looking up.] Would you choose me for a mother? - -HESTER. You of all women I have ever known. - -[They move towards the door leading into garden with their arms -round each other's waists. GERALD goes to table L.C. for his hat. -On turning round he sees LORD ILLINGWORTH'S glove lying on the -floor, and picks it up.] - -GERALD. Hallo, mother, whose glove is this? You have had a -visitor. Who was it? - -MRS. ARBUTHNOT. [Turning round.] Oh! no one. No one in -particular. A man of no importance. - -CURTAIN - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg eText A Woman of No Importance - |