summaryrefslogtreecommitdiff
path: root/856-h
diff options
context:
space:
mode:
Diffstat (limited to '856-h')
-rw-r--r--856-h/856-h.htm1247
1 files changed, 1247 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/856-h/856-h.htm b/856-h/856-h.htm
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b14ebb5
--- /dev/null
+++ b/856-h/856-h.htm
@@ -0,0 +1,1247 @@
+<?xml version="1.0" encoding="us-ascii"?>
+
+<!DOCTYPE html
+ PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN"
+ "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" >
+
+<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en">
+ <head>
+ <title>
+ Dreams, by Jerome K. Jerome
+ </title>
+ <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve">
+
+ body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify}
+ P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; }
+ H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; }
+ hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;}
+ .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; }
+ blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;}
+ .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;}
+ .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;}
+ .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;}
+ div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; }
+ div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; }
+ .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;}
+ .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;}
+ .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal;
+ margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%;
+ text-align: right;}
+ pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;}
+
+</style>
+ </head>
+ <body>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Dreams, by Jerome K. Jerome
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Dreams
+ From a volume entitled "Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow"
+
+Author: Jerome K. Jerome
+
+Release Date: July 26, 2008 [EBook #856]
+Last Updated: January 15, 2013
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DREAMS ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Ron Burkey, Amy Thomte, and David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+ <p>
+ <br /><br />
+ </p>
+ <h1>
+ DREAMS
+ </h1>
+ <p>
+ <br />
+ </p>
+ <h2>
+ By Jerome K. Jerome
+ </h2>
+ <p>
+ <br /> <br />
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <p>
+ <br /> <br />
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The most extraordinary dream I ever had was one in which I fancied that,
+ as I was going into a theater, the cloak-room attendant stopped me in the
+ lobby and insisted on my leaving my legs behind me.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I was not surprised; indeed, my acquaintanceship with theater harpies
+ would prevent my feeling any surprise at such a demand, even in my waking
+ moments; but I was, I must honestly confess, considerably annoyed. It was
+ not the payment of the cloak-room fee that I so much minded&mdash;I
+ offered to give that to the man then and there. It was the parting with my
+ legs that I objected to.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I said I had never heard of such a rule being attempted to be put in force
+ at any respectable theater before, and that I considered it a most absurd
+ and vexatious regulation. I also said I should write to The Times about
+ it.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The man replied that he was very sorry, but that those were his
+ instructions. People complained that they could not get to and from their
+ seats comfortably, because other people's legs were always in the way; and
+ it had, therefore, been decided that, in future, everybody should leave
+ their legs outside.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It seemed to me that the management, in making this order, had clearly
+ gone beyond their legal right; and, under ordinary circumstances, I should
+ have disputed it. Being present, however, more in the character of a guest
+ than in that of a patron, I hardly like to make a disturbance; and so I
+ sat down and meekly prepared to comply with the demand.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I had never before known that the human leg did unscrew. I had always
+ thought it was a fixture. But the man showed me how to undo them, and I
+ found that they came off quite easily.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The discovery did not surprise me any more than the original request that
+ I should take them off had done. Nothing does surprise one in a dream.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I dreamed once that I was going to be hanged; but I was not at all
+ surprised about it. Nobody was. My relations came to see me off, I
+ thought, and to wish me "Good-by!" They all came, and were all very
+ pleasant; but they were not in the least astonished&mdash;not one of them.
+ Everybody appeared to regard the coming tragedy as one of the
+ most-naturally-to-be-expected things in the world.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ They bore the calamity, besides, with an amount of stoicism that would
+ have done credit to a Spartan father. There was no fuss, no scene. On the
+ contrary, an atmosphere of mild cheerfulness prevailed.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Yet they were very kind. Somebody&mdash;an uncle, I think&mdash;left me a
+ packet of sandwiches and a little something in a flask, in case, as he
+ said, I should feel peckish on the scaffold.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It is "those twin-jailers of the daring" thought, Knowledge and
+ Experience, that teach us surprise. We are surprised and incredulous when,
+ in novels and plays, we come across good men and women, because Knowledge
+ and Experience have taught us how rare and problematical is the existence
+ of such people. In waking life, my friends and relations would, of course,
+ have been surprised at hearing that I had committed a murder, and was, in
+ consequence, about to be hanged, because Knowledge and Experience would
+ have taught them that, in a country where the law is powerful and the
+ police alert, the Christian citizen is usually pretty successful in
+ withstanding the voice of temptation, prompting him to commit crime of an
+ illegal character.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ But into Dreamland, Knowledge and Experience do not enter. They stay
+ without, together with the dull, dead clay of which they form a part;
+ while the freed brain, released from their narrowing tutelage, steals
+ softly past the ebon gate, to wanton at its own sweet will among the mazy
+ paths that wind through the garden of Persephone.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Nothing that it meets with in that eternal land astonishes it because,
+ unfettered by the dense conviction of our waking mind, that nought outside
+ the ken of our own vision can in this universe be, all things to it are
+ possible and even probable. In dreams, we fly and wonder not&mdash;except
+ that we never flew before. We go naked, yet are not ashamed, though we
+ mildly wonder what the police are about that they do not stop us. We
+ converse with our dead, and think it was unkind that they did not come
+ back to us before. In dreams, there happens that which human language
+ cannot tell. In dreams, we see "the light that never was on sea or land,"
+ we hear the sounds that never yet were heard by waking ears.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It is only in sleep that true imagination ever stirs within us. Awake, we
+ never imagine anything; we merely alter, vary, or transpose. We give
+ another twist to the kaleidoscope of the things we see around us, and
+ obtain another pattern; but not one of us has ever added one tiniest piece
+ of new glass to the toy.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ A Dean Swift sees one race of people smaller, and another race of people
+ larger than the race of people that live down his own streets. And he also
+ sees a land where the horses take the place of men. A Bulwer Lytton lays
+ the scene of one of his novels inside the earth instead of outside. A
+ Rider Haggard introduces us to a lady whose age is a few years more than
+ the average woman would care to confess to; and pictures crabs larger than
+ the usual shilling or eighteen-penny size. The number of so called
+ imaginative writers who visit the moon is legion, and for all the novelty
+ that they find, when they get there, they might just as well have gone to
+ Putney. Others are continually drawing for us visions of the world one
+ hundred or one thousand years hence. There is always a depressing absence
+ of human nature about the place; so much so, that one feels great
+ consolation in the thought, while reading, that we ourselves shall be
+ comfortably dead and buried before the picture can be realized. In these
+ prophesied Utopias everybody is painfully good and clean and happy, and
+ all the work is done by electricity.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ There is somewhat too much electricity, for my taste, in these worlds to
+ come. One is reminded of those pictorial enamel-paint advertisements that
+ one sees about so often now, in which all the members of an extensive
+ household are represented as gathered together in one room, spreading
+ enamel-paint over everything they can lay their hands upon. The old man is
+ on a step-ladder, daubing the walls and ceiling with "cuckoo's-egg green,"
+ while the parlor-maid and the cook are on their knees, painting the floor
+ with "sealing-wax red." The old lady is doing the picture frames in "terra
+ cotta." The eldest daughter and her young man are making sly love in a
+ corner over a pot of "high art yellow," with which, so soon as they have
+ finished wasting their time, they will, it is manifest, proceed to elevate
+ the piano. Younger brothers and sisters are busy freshening up the chairs
+ and tables with "strawberry-jam pink" and "jubilee magenta." Every blessed
+ thing in that room is being coated with enamel paint, from the sofa to the
+ fire-irons, from the sideboard to the eight-day clock. If there is any
+ paint left over, it will be used up for the family Bible and the canary.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It is claimed for this invention that a little child can make as much mess
+ with it as can a grown-up person, and so all the children of the family
+ are represented in the picture as hard at work, enameling whatever few
+ articles of furniture and household use the grasping selfishness of their
+ elders has spared to them. One is painting the toasting fork in a
+ "skim-milk blue," while another is giving aesthetical value to the Dutch
+ oven by means of a new shade of art green. The bootjack is being renovated
+ in "old gold," and the baby is sitting on the floor, smothering its own
+ cradle with "flush-upon-a-maiden's cheek peach color."
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ One feels that the thing is being overdone. That family, before another
+ month is gone, will be among the strongest opponents of enamel paint that
+ the century has produced. Enamel paint will be the ruin of that once happy
+ home. Enamel paint has a cold, glassy, cynical appearance. Its presence
+ everywhere about the place will begin to irritate the old man in the
+ course of a week or so. He will call it, "This damn'd sticky stuff!" and
+ will tell the wife that he wonders she didn't paint herself and the
+ children with it while she was about it. She will reply, in an
+ exasperatingly quiet tone of voice, that she does like that. Perhaps he
+ will say next, that she did not warn him against it, and tell him what an
+ idiot he was making of himself, spoiling the whole house with his foolish
+ fads. Each one will persist that it was the other one who first suggested
+ the absurdity, and they will sit up in bed and quarrel about it every
+ night for a month.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The children having acquired a taste for smudging the concoction about,
+ and there being nothing else left untouched in the house, will try to
+ enamel the cat; and then there will be bloodshed, and broken windows, and
+ spoiled infants, and sorrows and yells. The smell of the paint will make
+ everybody ill; and the servants will give notice. Tradesmen's boys will
+ lean up against places that are not dry and get their clothes enameled and
+ claim compensation. And the baby will suck the paint off its cradle and
+ have fits.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ But the person that will suffer most will, of course, be the eldest
+ daughter's young man. The eldest daughter's young man is always
+ unfortunate. He means well, and he tries hard. His great ambition is to
+ make the family love him. But fate is ever against him, and he only
+ succeeds in gaining their undisguised contempt. The fact of his being
+ "gone" on their Emily is, of itself, naturally sufficient to stamp him as
+ an imbecile in the eyes of Emily's brothers and sisters. The father finds
+ him slow, and thinks the girl might have done better; while the best that
+ his future mother-in-law (his sole supporter) can say for him is, that he
+ seems steady.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ There is only one thing that prompts the family to tolerate him, and that
+ is the reflection that he is going to take Emily away from them.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ On that understanding they put up with him.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The eldest daughter's young man, in this particular case, will, you may
+ depend upon it, choose that exact moment when the baby's life is hovering
+ in the balance, and the cook is waiting for her wages with her box in the
+ hall, and a coal-heaver is at the front door with a policeman, making a
+ row about the damage to his trousers, to come in, smiling, with a specimen
+ pot of some new high art, squashed-tomato-shade enamel paint, and suggest
+ that they should try it on the old man's pipe.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Then Emily will go off into hysterics, and Emily's male progenitor will
+ firmly but quietly lead that ill-starred yet true-hearted young man to the
+ public side of the garden-gate; and the engagement will be "off."
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Too much of anything is a mistake, as the man said when his wife presented
+ him with four new healthy children in one day. We should practice
+ moderation in all matters. A little enamel paint would have been good.
+ They might have enameled the house inside and out, and have left the
+ furniture alone. Or they might have colored the furniture, and let the
+ house be. But an entirely and completely enameled home&mdash;a home, such
+ as enamel-paint manufacturers love to picture on their advertisements,
+ over which the yearning eye wanders in vain, seeking one single square
+ inch of un-enameled matter&mdash;is, I am convinced, a mistake. It may be
+ a home that, as the testimonials assure us, will easily wash. It may be an
+ "artistic" home; but the average man is not yet educated up to the
+ appreciation of it. The average man does not care for high art. At a
+ certain point, the average man gets sick of high art.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ So, in these coming Utopias, in which out unhappy grandchildren will have
+ to drag out their colorless existence, there will be too much electricity.
+ They will grow to loathe electricity.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Electricity is going to light them, warm them, carry them, doctor them,
+ cook for them, execute them, if necessary. They are going to be weaned on
+ electricity, rocked in their cradles by electricity, slapped by
+ electricity, ruled and regulated and guided by electricity, buried by
+ electricity. I may be wrong, but I rather think they are going to be
+ hatched by electricity.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ In the new world of our progressionist teachers, it is electricity that is
+ the real motive-power. The men and women are only marionettes&mdash;worked
+ by electricity.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ But it was not to speak of the electricity in them, but of the originality
+ in them, that I referred to these works of fiction. There is no
+ originality in them whatever. Human thought is incapable of originality.
+ No man ever yet imagined a new thing&mdash;only some variation or
+ extension of an old thing.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The sailor, when he was asked what he would do with a fortune, promptly
+ replied:
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "Buy all the rum and 'baccy there is in the world."
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "And what after that?" they asked him.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "Eh?"
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "What would you buy after that&mdash;after you had bought up all the rum
+ and tobacco there was in the world&mdash;what would you buy then?"
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "After that? Oh! 'um!" (a long pause). "Oh!" (with inspiration) "why, more
+ 'baccy!"
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Rum and tobacco he knew something of, and could therefore imagine about.
+ He did not know any other luxuries, therefore he could not conceive of any
+ others.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ So if you ask one of these Utopian-dreaming gentry what, after they had
+ secured for their world all the electricity there was in the Universe, and
+ after every mortal thing in their ideal Paradise, was done and said and
+ thought by electricity, they could imagine as further necessary to human
+ happiness, they would probably muse for awhile, and then reply, "More
+ electricity."
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ They know electricity. They have seen the electric light, and heard of
+ electric boats and omnibuses. They have possibly had an electric shock at
+ a railway station for a penny.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Therefore, knowing that electricity does three things, they can go on and
+ "imagine" electricity doing three hundred things, and the very great ones
+ among them can imagine it doing three thousand things; but for them, or
+ anybody else, to imagine a new force, totally unconnected with and
+ different from anything yet known in nature, would be utterly impossible.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Human thought is not a firework, ever shooting off fresh forms and shapes
+ as it burns; it is a tree, growing very slowly&mdash;you can watch it long
+ and see no movement&mdash;very silently, unnoticed. It was planted in the
+ world many thousand years ago, a tiny, sickly plant. And men guarded it
+ and tended it, and gave up life and fame to aid its growth. In the hot
+ days of their youth, they came to the gate of the garden and knocked,
+ begging to be let in, and to be counted among the gardeners. And their
+ young companions without called to them to come back, and play the man
+ with bow and spear, and win sweet smiles from rosy lips, and take their
+ part amid the feast, and dance, not stoop with wrinkled brows, at
+ weaklings' work. And the passers by mocked them and called shame, and
+ others cried out to stone them. And still they stayed there laboring, that
+ the tree might grow a little, and they died and were forgotten.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And the tree grew fair and strong. The storms of ignorance passed over it,
+ and harmed it not. The fierce fires of superstition soared around it; but
+ men leaped into the flames and beat them back, perishing, and the tree
+ grew. With the sweat of their brow have men nourished its green leaves.
+ Their tears have moistened the earth about it. With their blood they have
+ watered its roots.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The seasons have come and passed, and the tree has grown and flourished.
+ And its branches have spread far and high, and ever fresh shoots are
+ bursting forth, and ever new leaves unfolding to the light. But they are
+ all part of the one tree&mdash;the tree that was planted on the first
+ birthday of the human race. The stem that bears them springs from the
+ gnarled old trunk that was green and soft when white-haired Time was a
+ little child; the sap that feeds them is drawn up through the roots that
+ twine and twist about the bones of the ages that are dead.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The human mind can no more produce an original thought than a tree can
+ bear an original fruit. As well might one cry for an original note in
+ music as expect an original idea from a human brain.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ One wishes our friends, the critics, would grasp this simple truth, and
+ leave off clamoring for the impossible, and being shocked because they do
+ not get it. When a new book is written, the high-class critic opens it
+ with feelings of faint hope, tempered by strong conviction of coming
+ disappointment. As he pores over the pages, his brow darkens with virtuous
+ indignation, and his lip curls with the Godlike contempt that the
+ exceptionally great critic ever feels for everybody in this world, who is
+ not yet dead. Buoyed up by a touching, but totally fallacious, belief that
+ he is performing a public duty, and that the rest of the community is
+ waiting in breathless suspense to learn his opinion of the work in
+ question, before forming any judgment concerning it themselves, he,
+ nevertheless, wearily struggles through about a third of it. Then his
+ long-suffering soul revolts, and he flings it aside with a cry of despair.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "Why, there is no originality whatever in this," he says. "This book is
+ taken bodily from the Old Testament. It is the story of Adam and Eve all
+ over again. The hero is a mere man! with two arms, two legs, and a head
+ (so called). Why, it is only Moses's Adam under another name! And the
+ heroine is nothing but a woman! and she is described as beautiful, and as
+ having long hair. The author may call her 'Angelina,' or any other name he
+ chooses; but he has evidently, whether he acknowledges it or not, copied
+ her direct from Eve. The characters are barefaced plagiarisms from the
+ book of Genesis! Oh! to find an author with originality!"
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ One spring I went a walking tour in the country. It was a glorious spring.
+ Not the sort of spring they give us in these miserable times, under this
+ shameless government&mdash;a mixture of east wind, blizzard, snow, rain,
+ slush, fog, frost, hail, sleet and thunder-storms&mdash;but a sunny,
+ blue-sky'd, joyous spring, such as we used to have regularly every year
+ when I was a young man, and things were different.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It was an exceptionally beautiful spring, even for those golden days; and
+ as I wandered through the waking land, and saw the dawning of the coming
+ green, and watched the blush upon the hawthorn hedge, deepening each day
+ beneath the kisses of the sun, and looked up at the proud old mother
+ trees, dandling their myriad baby buds upon their strong fond arms,
+ holding them high for the soft west wind to caress as he passed laughing
+ by, and marked the primrose yellow creep across the carpet of the woods,
+ and saw the new flush of the field and saw the new light on the hills, and
+ heard the new-found gladness of the birds, and heard from copse and farm
+ and meadow the timid callings of the little new-born things, wondering to
+ find themselves alive, and smelt the freshness of the earth, and felt the
+ promise in the air, and felt a strong hand in the wind, my spirit rose
+ within me. Spring had come to me also, and stirred me with a strange new
+ life, with a strange new hope I, too, was part of nature, and it was
+ spring! Tender leaves and blossoms were unfolding from my heart. Bright
+ flowers of love and gratitude were opening round its roots. I felt new
+ strength in all my limbs. New blood was pulsing through my veins. Nobler
+ thoughts and nobler longings were throbbing through my brain.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ As I walked, Nature came and talked beside me, and showed me the world and
+ myself, and the ways of God seemed clearer.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It seemed to me a pity that all the beautiful and precious thoughts and
+ ideas that were crowding in upon me should be lost to my fellow-men, and
+ so I pitched my tent at a little cottage, and set to work to write them
+ down then and there as they came to me.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "It has been complained of me," I said to myself, "that I do not write
+ literary and high class work&mdash;at least, not work that is
+ exceptionally literary and high-class. This reproach shall be removed. I
+ will write an article that shall be a classic. I have worked for the
+ ordinary, every-day reader. It is right that I should do something now to
+ improve the literature of my beloved country."
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And I wrote a grand essay&mdash;though I say it who should not, though I
+ don't see why I shouldn't&mdash;all about spring, and the way it made you
+ feel, and what it made you think. It was simply crowded with elevated
+ thoughts and high-class ideas and cultured wit, was that essay. There was
+ only one fault about that essay: it was too brilliant. I wanted
+ commonplace relief. It would have exhausted the average reader; so much
+ cleverness would have wearied him.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I wish I could remember some of the beautiful things in that essay, and
+ here set them down; because then you would be able to see what they were
+ like for yourselves, and that would be so much more simpler than my
+ explaining to you how beautiful they were. Unfortunately, however, I
+ cannot now call to mind any of them.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I was very proud of this essay, and when I got back to town I called on a
+ very superior friend of mine, a critic, and read it to him. I do not care
+ for him to see any of my usual work, because he really is a very superior
+ person indeed, and the perusal of it appears to give him pains inside. But
+ this article, I thought, would do him good.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "What do you think of it?" I asked, when I had finished.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "Splendid," he replied, "excellently arranged. I never knew you were so
+ well acquainted with the works of the old writers. Why, there is scarcely
+ a classic of any note that you have not quoted from. But where&mdash;where,"
+ he added, musing, "did you get that last idea but two from? It's the only
+ one I don't seem to remember. It isn't a bit of your own, is it?"
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ He said that, if so, he should advise me to leave it out. Not that it was
+ altogether bad, but that the interpolation of a modern thought among so
+ unique a collection of passages from the ancients seemed to spoil the
+ scheme.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And he enumerated the various dead-and-buried gentlemen from whom he
+ appeared to think I had collated my article.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "But," I replied, when I had recovered my astonishment sufficiently to
+ speak, "it isn't a collection at all. It is all original. I wrote the
+ thoughts down as they came to me. I have never read any of these people
+ you mention, except Shakespeare."
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Of course Shakespeare was bound to be among them. I am getting to dislike
+ that man so. He is always being held up before us young authors as a
+ model, and I do hate models. There was a model boy at our school, I
+ remember, Henry Summers; and it was just the same there. It was
+ continually, "Look at Henry Summers! he doesn't put the preposition before
+ the verb, and spell business b-i-z!" or, "Why can't you write like Henry
+ Summers? He doesn't get the ink all over the copy-book and half-way up his
+ back!" We got tired of this everlasting "Look at Henry Summers!" after a
+ while, and so, one afternoon, on the way home, a few of us lured Henry
+ Summers up a dark court; and when he came out again he was not worth
+ looking at.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Now it is perpetually, "Look at Shakespeare!" "Why don't you write like
+ Shakespeare?" "Shakespeare never made that joke. Why don't you joke like
+ Shakespeare?"
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ If you are in the play-writing line it is still worse for you. "Why don't
+ you write plays like Shakespeare's?" they indignantly say. "Shakespeare
+ never made his comic man a penny steamboat captain." "Shakespeare never
+ made his hero address the girl as 'ducky.' Why don't you copy
+ Shakespeare?" If you do try to copy Shakespeare, they tell you that you
+ must be a fool to attempt to imitate Shakespeare.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Oh, shouldn't I like to get Shakespeare up our street, and punch him!
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "I cannot help that," replied my critical friend&mdash;to return to our
+ previous question&mdash;"the germ of every thought and idea you have got
+ in that article can be traced back to the writers I have named. If you
+ doubt it, I will get down the books, and show you the passages for
+ yourself."
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ But I declined the offer. I said I would take his word for it, and would
+ rather not see the passages referred to. I felt indignant. "If," as I
+ said, "these men&mdash;these Platos and Socrateses and Ciceros and
+ Sophocleses and Aristophaneses and Aristotles and the rest of them had
+ been taking advantage of my absence to go about the world spoiling my
+ business for me, I would rather not hear any more about them."
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And I put on my hat and came out, and I have never tried to write anything
+ original since.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I dreamed a dream once. (It is the sort of thing a man would dream. You
+ cannot very well dream anything else, I know. But the phrase sounds
+ poetical and biblical, and so I use it.) I dreamed that I was in a strange
+ country&mdash;indeed, one might say an extraordinary country. It was ruled
+ entirely by critics.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The people in this strange land had a very high opinion of critics&mdash;nearly
+ as high an opinion of critics as the critics themselves had, but not, of
+ course, quite&mdash;that not being practicable&mdash;and they had agreed
+ to be guided in all things by the critics. I stayed some years in that
+ land. But it was not a cheerful place to live in, so I dreamed.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ There were authors in this country, at first, and they wrote books. But
+ the critics could find nothing original in the books whatever, and said it
+ was a pity that men, who might be usefully employed hoeing potatoes,
+ should waste their time and the time of the critics, which was of still
+ more importance, in stringing together a collection of platitudes,
+ familiar to every school-boy, and dishing up old plots and stories that
+ had already been cooked and recooked for the public until everybody had
+ been surfeited with them.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And the writers read what the critics said and sighed, and gave up writing
+ books, and went off and hoed potatoes; as advised. They had had no
+ experience in hoeing potatoes, and they hoed very badly; and the people
+ whose potatoes they hoed strongly recommended them to leave hoeing
+ potatoes, and to go back and write books. But you can't do what everybody
+ advises.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ There were artists also in this strange world, at first, and they painted
+ pictures, which the critics came and looked at through eyeglasses.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "Nothing whatever original in them," said the critics; "same old colors,
+ same old perspective and form, same old sunset, same old sea and land, and
+ sky and figures. Why do these poor men waste their time, painting
+ pictures, when they might be so much more satisfactorily employed on
+ ladders painting houses?"
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Nothing, by the by, you may have noticed, troubles your critic more than
+ the idea that the artist is wasting his time. It is the waste of time that
+ vexes the critic; he has such an exalted idea of the value of other
+ people's time. "Dear, dear me!" he says to himself, "why, in the time the
+ man must have taken to paint this picture or to write this book, he might
+ have blacked fifteen thousand pairs of boots, or have carried fifteen
+ thousand hods of mortar up a ladder. This is how the time of the world is
+ lost!"
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It never occurs to him that, but for that picture or book, the artist
+ would, in all probability, have been mouching about with a pipe in his
+ mouth, getting into trouble.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It reminds me of the way people used to talk to me when I was a boy. I
+ would be sitting, as good as gold, reading "The Pirate's Lair," when some
+ cultured relative would look over my shoulder and say: "Bah! what are you
+ wasting your time with rubbish for? Why don't you go and do something
+ useful?" and would take the book away from me. Upon which I would get up,
+ and go out to "do something useful;" and would come home an hour
+ afterward, looking like a bit out of a battle picture, having tumbled
+ through the roof of Farmer Bate's greenhouse and killed a cactus, though
+ totally unable to explain how I came to be on the roof of Farmer Bate's
+ greenhouse. They had much better have left me alone, lost in "The Pirate's
+ Lair!"
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The artists in this land of which I dreamed left off painting pictures,
+ after hearing what the critics said, and purchased ladders, and went off
+ and painted houses.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Because, you see, this country of which I dreamed was not one of those
+ vulgar, ordinary countries, such as exist in the waking world, where
+ people let the critics talk as much as ever they like, and nobody pays the
+ slightest attention to what they say. Here, in this strange land, the
+ critics were taken seriously, and their advice followed.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ As for the poets and sculptors, they were very soon shut up. The idea of
+ any educated person wanting to read modern poetry when he could obtain
+ Homer, or caring to look at any other statue while there was still some of
+ the Venus de Medicis left, was too absurd. Poets and sculptors were only
+ wasting their time.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ What new occupation they were recommended to adopt, I forget. Some calling
+ they knew nothing whatever about, and that they were totally unfitted for,
+ of course.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The musicians tried their art for a little while, but they, too, were of
+ no use. "Merely a repetition of the same notes in different combinations,"
+ said the critics. "Why will people waste their time writing unoriginal
+ music, when they might be sweeping crossings?"
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ One man had written a play. I asked what the critics had said about him.
+ They showed me his tomb.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Then, there being no more artists or <i>litterateurs</i> or dramatists or
+ musicians left for their beloved critics to criticise, the general public
+ of this enlightened land said to themselves, "Why should not our critics
+ come and criticise us? Criticism is useful to a man. Have we not often
+ been told so? Look how useful it has been to the artists and writers&mdash;saved
+ the poor fellows from wasting their time? Why shouldn't we have some of
+ its benefits?"
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ They suggested the idea to the critics, and the critics thought it an
+ excellent one, and said they would undertake the job with pleasure. One
+ must say for the critics that they never shirk work. They will sit and
+ criticise for eighteen hours a day, if necessary, or even, if quite
+ unnecessary, for the matter of that. You can't give them too much to
+ criticise. They will criticise everything and everybody in this world.
+ They will criticise everything in the next world, too, when they get
+ there. I expect poor old Pluto has a lively time with them all, as it is.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ So, when a man built a house, or a farm-yard hen laid an egg, the critics
+ were asked in to comment on it. They found that none of the houses were
+ original. On every floor were passages that seemed mere copies from
+ passages in other houses. They were all built on the same hackneyed plan;
+ cellars underneath, ground floor level with the street, attic at the top.
+ No originality anywhere!
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ So, likewise with the eggs. Every egg suggested reminiscences of other
+ eggs.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It was heartrending work.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The critics criticised all things. When a young couple fell in love, they
+ each, before thinking of marriage, called upon the critics for a criticism
+ of the other one.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Needless to say that, in the result, no marriage ever came of it.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "My dear young lady," the critics would say, after the inspection had
+ taken place, "I can discover nothing new whatever about the young man. You
+ would simply be wasting your time in marrying him."
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Or, to the young man, it would be:
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "Oh, dear, no! Nothing attractive about the girl at all. Who on earth gave
+ you that notion? Simply a lovely face and figure, angelic disposition,
+ beautiful mind, stanch heart, noble character. Why, there must have been
+ nearly a dozen such girls born into the world since its creation. You
+ would be only wasting your time loving her."
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ They criticised the birds for their hackneyed style of singing, and the
+ flowers for their hackneyed scents and colors. They complained of the
+ weather that it lacked originality&mdash;(true, they had not lived out an
+ English spring)&mdash;and found fault with the Sun because of the sameness
+ of his methods.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ They criticised the babies. When a fresh infant was published in a house,
+ the critics would call in a body to pass their judgment upon it, and the
+ young mother would bring it down for them to sample.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "Did you ever see a child anything like that in this world before?" she
+ would say, holding it out to them. "Isn't it a wonderful baby? <i>You</i>
+ never saw a child with legs like that, I know. Nurse says he's the most
+ extraordinary baby she ever attended. Bless him!"
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ But the critics did not think anything of it.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "Tut, tut," they would reply, "there is nothing extraordinary about that
+ child&mdash;no originality whatever. Why, it's exactly like every other
+ baby&mdash;bald head, red face, big mouth, and stumpy nose. Why, that's
+ only a weak imitation of the baby next door. It's a plagiarism, that's
+ what that child is. You've been wasting your time, madam. If you can't do
+ anything more original than that, we should advise you to give up the
+ business altogether."
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ That was the end of criticism in that strange land.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "Oh! look here, we've had enough of you and your originality," said the
+ people to the critics, after that. "Why, <i>you</i> are not original, when
+ one comes to think of it, and your criticisms are not original. You've all
+ of you been saying exactly the same thing ever since the time of Solomon.
+ We are going to drown you and have a little peace."
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "What, drown a critic!" cried the critics, "never heard of such a
+ monstrous proceeding in our lives!"
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "No, we flatter ourselves it is an original idea," replied the public,
+ brutally. "You ought to be charmed with it. Out you come!"
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ So they took the critics out and drowned them, and then passed a short
+ act, making criticism a capital offense.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ After that, the art and literature of the country followed, somewhat, the
+ methods of the quaint and curious school, but the land, notwithstanding,
+ was a much more cheerful place to live in, I dreamed.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ But I never finished telling you about the dream in which I thought I left
+ my legs behind me when I went into a certain theater.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I dreamed that the ticket the man gave me for my legs was No. 19, and I
+ was worried all through the performance for fear No. 61 should get hold of
+ them, and leave me his instead. Mine are rather a fine pair of legs, and I
+ am, I confess, a little proud of them&mdash;at all events, I prefer them
+ to anybody else's. Besides, number sixty-one's might be a skinny pair, and
+ not fit me.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It quite spoiled my evening, fretting about this.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Another extraordinary dream I had was one in which I dreamed that I was
+ engaged to be married to my Aunt Jane. That was not, however, the
+ extraordinary part of it; I have often known people to dream things like
+ that. I knew a man who once dreamed that he was actually married to his
+ own mother-in-law! He told me that never in his life had he loved the
+ alarm clock with more deep and grateful tenderness than he did that
+ morning. The dream almost reconciled him to being married to his real
+ wife. They lived quite happily together for a few days, after that dream.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ No; the extraordinary part of my dream was, that I knew it was a dream.
+ "What on earth will uncle say to this engagement?" I thought to myself, in
+ my dream. "There's bound to be a row about it. We shall have a deal of
+ trouble with uncle, I feel sure." And this thought quite troubled me until
+ the sweet reflection came: "Ah! well, it's only a dream."
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And I made up my mind that I would wake up as soon as uncle found out
+ about the engagement, and leave him and Aunt Jane to fight the matter out
+ between themselves.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It is a very great comfort, when the dream grows troubled and alarming, to
+ feel that it is only a dream, and to know that we shall awake soon and be
+ none the worse for it. We can dream out the foolish perplexity with a
+ smile then.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Sometimes the dream of life grows strangely troubled and perplexing, and
+ then he who meets dismay the bravest is he who feels that the fretful play
+ is but a dream&mdash;a brief, uneasy dream of three score years and ten,
+ or thereabouts, from which, in a little while, he will awake&mdash;at
+ least, he dreams so.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ How dull, how impossible life would be without dreams&mdash;waking dreams,
+ I mean&mdash;the dreams that we call "castles in the air," built by the
+ kindly hands of Hope! Were it not for the mirage of the oasis, drawing his
+ footsteps ever onward, the weary traveler would lie down in the desert
+ sand and die. It is the mirage of distant success, of happiness that, like
+ the bunch of carrots fastened an inch beyond the donkey's nose, seems
+ always just within our reach, if only we will gallop fast enough, that
+ makes us run so eagerly along the road of Life.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Providence, like a father with a tired child, lures us ever along the way
+ with tales and promises, until, at the frowning gate that ends the road,
+ we shrink back, frightened. Then, promises still more sweet he stoops and
+ whispers in our ear, and timid yet partly reassured, and trying to hide
+ our fears, we gather up all that is left of our little stock of hope and,
+ trusting yet half afraid, push out our groping feet into the darkness.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ <br /><br />
+ </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Dreams, by Jerome K. Jerome
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DREAMS ***
+
+***** This file should be named 856-h.htm or 856-h.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+ http://www.gutenberg.org/8/5/856/
+
+Produced by Ron Burkey, Amy Thomte, and David Widger
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
+http://gutenberg.org/license).
+
+
+Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See
+paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works. See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+ the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+ you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is
+ owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+ has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+ Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments
+ must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+ prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+ returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+ sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+ address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+ the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+ you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+ does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+ License. You must require such a user to return or
+ destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+ and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+ Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+ money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+ electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+ of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+ distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org.
+
+
+Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
+http://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at
+809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
+business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact
+information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
+page at http://pglaf.org
+
+For additional contact information:
+ Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+ Chief Executive and Director
+ gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+
+Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit http://pglaf.org
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations.
+To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+ http://www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
+
+
+</pre>
+ </body>
+</html>