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diff --git a/old/9232.txt b/old/9232.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e5d5577 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/9232.txt @@ -0,0 +1,955 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Passages from a Relinquished Work (From +“Mosses From An Old Manse”), by Nathaniel Hawthorne + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Passages from a Relinquished Work (From “Mosses From An Old Manse”) + +Author: Nathaniel Hawthorne + +Release Date: November, 2005 [EBook #9232] +First Posted: September 6, 2003 +Last Updated: December 14, 2016 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PASSAGES--RELINQUISHED WORK *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + + + + + + MOSSES FROM AN OLD MANSE + + By Nathaniel Hawthorne + + PASSAGES FROM A RELINQUISHED WORK + + + +AT HOME + +From infancy I was under the guardianship of a village parson, who +made me the subject of daily prayer and the sufferer of innumerable +stripes, using no distinction, as to these marks of paternal love, +between myself and his own three boys. The result, it must be +owned, has been very different in their cases and mine, they being +all respectable men and well settled in life; the eldest as the +successor to his father’s pulpit, the second as a physician, and the +third as a partner in a wholesale shoe-store; while I, with better +prospects than either of them, have run the course which this volume +will describe. Yet there is room for doubt whether I should have +been any better contented with such success as theirs than with my +own misfortunes,--at least, till after my experience of the latter +had made it too late for another trial. + +My guardian had a name of considerable eminence, and fitter for the +place it occupies in ecclesiastical history than for so frivolous a +page as mine. In his own vicinity, among the lighter part of his +hearers, he was called Parson Thumpcushion, from the very forcible +gestures with which he illustrated his doctrines. Certainly, if his +powers as a preacher were to be estimated by the damage done to his +pulpit-furniture, none of his living brethren, and but few dead +ones, would have been worthy even to pronounce a benediction after +him. Such pounding and expounding the moment he began to grow +warm, such slapping with his open palm, thumping with his closed +fist, and banging with the whole weight of the great Bible, +convinced me that he held, in imagination, either the Old Nick or +some Unitarian infidel at bay, and belabored his unhappy cushion as +proxy for those abominable adversaries. Nothing but this exercise +of the body while delivering his sermons could have supported the +good parson’s health under the mental toil which they cost him in +composition. + +Though Parson Thumpcushion had an upright heart, and some called it +a warm one, he was invariably stern and severe, on principle, I +suppose, to me. With late justice, though early enough, even now, +to be tinctured with generosity I acknowledge him to have been a +good and wise man after his own fashion. If his management failed +as to myself, it succeeded with his three sons; nor, I must frankly +say, could any mode of education with which it was possible for him +to be acquainted have made me much better than what I was or led me +to a happier fortune than the present. He could neither change the +nature that God gave me nor adapt his own inflexible mind to my +peculiar character. Perhaps it was my chief misfortune that I had +neither father nor mother alive; for parents have an instinctive +sagacity in regard to the welfare of their children, and the child +feels a confidence both in the wisdom and affection of his parents +which he cannot transfer to any delegate of their duties, however +conscientious. An orphan’s fate is hard, be he rich or poor. As +for Parson Thumpcushion, whenever I see the old gentleman in my +dreams he looks kindly and sorrowfully at me, holding out his hand +as if each had something to forgive. With such kindness and such +forgiveness, but without the sorrow, may our next meeting be! + +I was a youth of gay and happy temperament, with an incorrigible +levity of spirit, of no vicious propensities, sensible enough, but +wayward and fanciful. What a character was this to be brought in +contact with the stern old Pilgrim spirit of my guardian! We were +at variance on a thousand points; but our chief and final dispute +arose from the pertinacity with which he insisted on my adopting a +particular profession; while I, being heir to a moderate competence, +had avowed my purpose of keeping aloof from the regular business of +life. This would have been a dangerous resolution anywhere in the +world; it was fatal in New England. There is a grossness in the +conceptions of my countrymen; they will not be convinced that any +good thing may consist with what they call idleness; they can +anticipate nothing but evil of a young man who neither studies +physic, law, nor gospel, nor opens a store, nor takes to farming, +but manifests an incomprehensible disposition to be satisfied with +what his father left him. The principle is excellent in its general +influence, but most miserable in its effect on the few that violate +it. I had a quick sensitiveness to public opinion, and felt as if +it ranked me with the tavern haunters and town paupers,--with the +drunken poet who hawked his own Fourth of July odes, and the broken +soldier who had been good for nothing since last war. The +consequence of all this was a piece of light-hearted desperation. + +I do not over-estimate my notoriety when I take it for granted that +many of my readers must have heard of me in the wild way of life +which I adopted. The idea of becoming a wandering story-teller had +been suggested, a year or two before, by an encounter with several +merry vagabonds in a showman’s wagon, where they and I had sheltered +ourselves during a summer shower. The project was not more +extravagant than most which a young man forms. Stranger ones are +executed every day; and, not to mention my prototypes in the East, +and the wandering orators and poets whom my own ears have heard, I +had the example of one illustrious itinerant in the other +hemisphere,--of Goldsmith, who planned and performed his travels +through France and Italy on a less promising scheme than mine. I +took credit to myself for various qualifications, mental and +personal, suited to the undertaking. Besides, my mind had latterly +tormented me for employment, keeping up an irregular activity even +in sleep, and making me conscious that I must toil, if it were but +in catching butterflies. But my chief motives were, discontent with +home and a bitter grudge against Parson Thumpcushion, who would +rather have laid me in my father’s tomb than seen me either a +novelist or an actor, two characters which I thus hit upon a method +of uniting. After all, it was not half so foolish as if I had +written romances instead of reciting them. + +The following pages will contain a picture of my vagrant life, +intermixed with specimens, generally brief and slight, of that great +mass of fiction to which I gave existence, and which has vanished +like cloud-shapes. Besides the occasions when I sought a pecuniary +reward, I was accustomed to exercise my narrative faculty wherever +chance had collected a little audience idle enough to listen. These +rehearsals were useful in testing the strong points of my stories; +and, indeed, the flow of fancy soon came upon me so abundantly that +its indulgence was its own reward, though the hope of praise also +became a powerful incitement. Since I shall never feel the warm +gush of new thought as I did then, let me beseech the reader to +believe that my tales were not always so cold as he may find them +now. With each specimen will be given a sketch of the circumstances +in which the story was told. Thus my air-drawn pictures will be set +in frames perhaps more valuable than the pictures themselves, since +they will be embossed with groups of characteristic figures, amid +the lake and mountain scenery, the villages and fertile fields, of +our native land. But I write the book for the sake of its moral, +which many a dreaming youth may profit by, though it is the +experience of a wandering story-teller. + + + +A FLIGHT IN THE FOG. + +I set out on my rambles one morning in June about sunrise. The day +promised to be fair, though at that early hour a heavy mist lay +along the earth and settled in minute globules on the folds of my +clothes, so that I looked precisely as if touched with a hoar-frost. +The sky was quite obscured, and the trees and houses invisible till +they grew out of the fog as I came close upon them. There is a hill +towards the west whence the road goes abruptly down, holding a level +course through the village and ascending an eminence on the other +side, behind which it disappears. The whole view comprises an +extent of half a mile. Here I paused; and, while gazing through the +misty veil, it partially rose and swept away with so sudden an +effect that a gray cloud seemed to have taken the aspect of a small +white town. A thin vapor being still diffused through the +atmosphere, the wreaths and pillars of fog, whether hung in air or +based on earth, appeared not less substantial than the edifices, and +gave their own indistinctness to the whole. It was singular that +such an unromantic scene should look so visionary. + +Half of the parson’s dwelling was a dingy white house, and half of +it was a cloud; but Squire Moody’s mansion, the grandest in the +village, was wholly visible, even the lattice-work of the balcony +under the front window; while in another place only two red chimneys +were seen above the mist, appertaining to my own paternal residence, +then tenanted by strangers. I could not remember those with whom I +had dwelt there, not even my mother. The brick edifice of the bank +was in the clouds; the foundations of what was to be a great block +of buildings had vanished, ominously, as it proved; the dry-goods +store of Mr. Nightingale seemed a doubtful concern; and Dominicus +Pike’s tobacco manufactory an affair of smoke, except the splendid +image of an Indian chief in front. The white spire of the meeting-house +ascended out of the densest heap of vapor, as if that shadowy +base were its only support: or, to give a truer interpretation, the +steeple was the emblem of Religion, enveloped in mystery below, yet +pointing to a cloudless atmosphere, and catching the brightness of +the east on its gilded vane. + +As I beheld these objects, and the dewy street, with grassy +intervals and a border of trees between the wheeltrack and the +sidewalks, all so indistinct, and not to be traced without an +effort, the whole seemed more like memory than reality. I would +have imagined that years had already passed, and I was far away, +contemplating that dim picture of my native place, which I should +retain in my mind through the mist of time. No tears fell from my +eyes among the dewdrops of the morning; nor does it occur to me that +I heaved a sigh. In truth, I had never felt such a delicious +excitement nor known what freedom was till that moment when I gave +up my home and took the whole world in exchange, fluttering the +wings of my spirit as if I would have flown from one star to another +through the universe. I waved my hand towards the dusky village, +bade it a joyous farewell, and turned away to follow any path but +that which might lead me back. Never was Childe Harold’s sentiment +adopted in a spirit more unlike his own. + +Naturally enough, I thought of Don Quixote. Recollecting how the +knight and Sancho had watched for auguries when they took the road +to Toboso, I began, between jest and earnest, to feel a similar +anxiety. It was gratified, and by a more poetical phenomenon than +the braying of the dappled ass or the neigh of Rosinante. The sun, +then just above the horizon, shone faintly through the fog, and +formed a species of rainbow in the west, bestriding my intended road +like a gigantic portal. I had never known before that a bow could +be generated between the sunshine and the morning mist. It had no +brilliancy, no perceptible hues, but was a mere unpainted framework, +as white and ghostlike as the lunar rainbow, which is deemed ominous +of evil. But, with a light heart, to which all omens were +propitious, I advanced beneath the misty archway of futurity. + +I had determined not to enter on my profession within a hundred +miles of home, and then to cover myself with a fictitious name. The +first precaution was reasonable enough, as otherwise Parson +Thumpcushion might have put an untimely catastrophe to my story; but +as nobody would be much affected by my disgrace, and all was to be +suffered in my own person, I know not why I cared about a name. For +a week or two I travelled almost at random, seeking hardly any +guidance except the whirling of a leaf at, some turn of the road, or +the green bough that beckoned me, or the naked branch that pointed +its withered finger onward. All my care was to be farther from home +each night than the preceding morning. + + + +A FELLOW-TRAVELLER. + +One day at noontide, when the sun had burst suddenly out of a cloud, +and threatened to dissolve me, I looked round for shelter, whether +of tavern, cottage, barn, or shady tree. The first which offered +itself was a wood,--not a forest, but a trim plantation of young +oaks, growing just thick enough to keep the mass of sunshine out, +while they admitted a few straggling beams, and thus produced the +most cheerful gloom imaginable. A brook, so small and clear, and +apparently so cool, that I wanted to drink it up, ran under the road +through a little arch of stone without once meeting the sun in its +passage from the shade on one side to the shade on the other. As +there was a stepping-place over the stone wall and a path along the +rivulet, I followed it and discovered its source,--a spring gushing +out of an old barrel. + +In this pleasant spot I saw a light pack suspended from the branch +of a tree, a stick leaning against the trunk, and a person seated on +the grassy verge of the spring, with his back towards me. He was a +slender figure, dressed in black broadcloth, which was none of the +finest nor very fashionably cut. On hearing my footsteps he started +up rather nervously, and, turning round, showed the face of a young +man about my own age, with his finger in a volume which he had been +reading till my intrusion. His book was evidently a pocket Bible. +Though I piqued myself at that period on my great penetration into +people’s characters and pursuits, I could not decide whether this +young man in black were an unfledged divine from Andover, a college +student, or preparing for college at some academy. In either case I +would quite as willingly have found a merrier companion; such, for +instance, as the comedian with whom Gil Blas shared his dinner +beside a fountain in Spain. + +After a nod, which was duly returned, I made a goblet of oak-leaves, +filled and emptied it two or three times, and then remarked, to hit +the stranger’s classical associations, that this beautiful fountain +ought to flow from an urn instead of an old barrel. He did not show +that he understood the allusion, and replied very briefly, with a +shyness that was quite out of place between persons who met in such +circumstances. Had he treated my next observation in the same way, +we should have parted without another word. + +“It is very singular,” said I,--“though doubtless there are good +reasons for it,--that Nature should provide drink so abundantly, and +lavish it everywhere by the roadside, but so seldom anything to eat. +Why should not we find a loaf of bread on this tree as well as a +barrel of good liquor at the foot of it?” + +“There is a loaf of bread on the tree,” replied the stranger, +without even smiling--at a coincidence which made me laugh. “I have +something to eat in my bundle; and, if you can make a dinner with +me, you shall be welcome.” + +“I accept your offer with pleasure,” said I. “A pilgrim such as I +am must not refuse a providential meal.” + +The young man had risen to take his bundle from the branch of the +tree, but now turned round and regarded me with great earnestness, +coloring deeply at the same time. However, he said nothing, and +produced part of a loaf of bread and some cheese, the former being +evidently home baked, though some days out of the oven. The fare +was good enough, with a real welcome, such as his appeared to be. +After spreading these articles on the stump of a tree, he proceeded +to ask a blessing on our food, an unexpected ceremony, and quite an +impressive one at our woodland table, with the fountain gushing +beside us and the bright sky glimmering through the boughs; nor did +his brief petition affect me less because his embarrassment made his +voice tremble. At the end of the meal he returned thanks with the +same tremulous fervor. + +He felt a natural kindness for me after thus relieving my +necessities, and showed it by becoming less reserved. On my part, I +professed never to have relished a dinner better; and, in requital +of the stranger’s hospitality, solicited the pleasure of his company +to supper. + +“Where? At your home?” asked he. + +“Yes,” said I, smiling. + +“Perhaps our roads are not the same,” observed he. + +“O, I can take any road but one, and yet not miss my way,” answered +I. “This morning I breakfasted at home; I shall sup at home +to-night; and a moment ago I dined at home. To be sure, there was a +certain place which I called home; but I have resolved not to see it +again till I have been quite round the globe and enter the street on +the east as I left it on the west. In the mean time, I have a home +everywhere, or nowhere, just as you please to take it.” + +“Nowhere, then; for this transitory world is not our home,” said the +young man, with solemnity. “We are all pilgrims and wanderers; but +it is strange that we two should meet.” + +I inquired the meaning of this remark, but could obtain no +satisfactory reply. But we had eaten salt together, and it was +right that we should form acquaintance after that ceremony as the +Arabs of the desert do, especially as he had learned something about +myself, and the courtesy of the country entitled me to as much +information in return. I asked whither he was travelling. + +“I do not know,” said he; “but God knows.” + +“That is strange!” exclaimed I; “not that God should know it, but +that you should not. And how is your road to be pointed out?” + +“Perhaps by an inward conviction,” he replied, looking sideways at +me to discover whether I smiled; “perhaps by an outward sign.” + +“Then, believe me,” said I, “the outward sign is already granted +you, and the inward conviction ought to follow. We are told of +pious men in old times who committed themselves to the care of +Providence, and saw the manifestation of its will in the slightest +circumstances, as in the shooting of a star, the flight of a bird, +or the course taken by some brute animal. Sometimes even a stupid +ass was their guide. May I not be as good a one?” + +“I do not know,” said the pilgrim, with perfect simplicity. + +We did, however, follow the same road, and were not overtaken, as I +partly apprehended, by the keepers of any lunatic asylum in pursuit +of a stray patient. Perhaps the stranger felt as much doubt of my +sanity as I did of his, though certainly with less justice, since I +was fully aware of my own extravagances, while he acted as wildly, +and deemed it heavenly wisdom. We were a singular couple, +strikingly contrasted, yet curiously assimilated, each of us +remarkable enough by himself, and doubly so in the other’s company. +Without any formal compact, we kept together day after day till our +union appeared permanent. Even had I seen nothing to love and +admire in him, I could never have thought of deserting one who +needed me continually; for I never knew a person; not even a woman, +so unfit to roam the world in solitude as he was,--so painfully shy, +so easily discouraged by slight obstacles, and so often depressed by +a weight within himself. + +I was now far from my native place, but had not yet stepped before +the public. A slight tremor seized me whenever I thought of +relinquishing the immunities of a private character, and giving +every man, and for money too, the right which no man yet possessed, +of treating me with open scorn. But about a week after contracting +the above alliance I made my bow to an audience of nine persons, +seven of whom hissed me in a very disagreeable manner, and not +without good cause. Indeed, the failure was so signal that it would +have been mere swindling to retain the money, which had been paid on +my implied contract to give its value of amusement. So I called in +the doorkeeper, bade him refund the whole receipts, a mighty sum and +was gratified with a round of applause by way of offset to +the hisses. This event would have looked most horrible in +anticipation,--a thing to make a man shoot himself, or run amuck, or +hide himself in caverns where he might not see his own burning +blush; but the reality was not so very hard to bear. It is a fact +that I was more deeply grieved by an almost parallel misfortune +which happened to my companion on the same evening. In my own +behalf I was angry and excited, not depressed; my blood ran quick, +my spirits rose buoyantly, and I had never felt such a confidence of +future success and determination to achieve it as at that trying +moment. I resolved to persevere, if it were only to wring the +reluctant praise from my enemies. + +Hitherto I had immensely underrated the difficulties of my idle +trade; now I recognized that it demanded nothing short of my whole +powers cultivated to the utmost, and exerted with the same +prodigality as if I were speaking for a great party or for the +nation at large on the floor of the Capitol. No talent or +attainment could come amiss; everything, indeed, was requisite,--wide +observation, varied knowledge, deep thoughts, and sparkling +ones; pathos and levity, and a mixture of both, like sunshine in a +raindrop; lofty imagination, veiling itself in the garb of common +life; and the practised art which alone could render these gifts, +and more than these, available. Not that I ever hoped to be thus +qualified. But my despair was no ignoble one; for, knowing the +impossibility of satisfying myself, even should the world be +satisfied, I did my best to overcome it; investigated the causes of +every defect; and strove, with patient stubbornness, to remove them +in the next attempt. It is one of my few sources of pride, that, +ridiculous as the object was, I followed it up with the firmness and +energy of a man. + +I manufactured a great variety of plots and skeletons of tales, and +kept them ready for use, leaving the filling up to the inspiration +of the moment; though I cannot remember ever to have told a tale +which did not vary considerably from my preconceived idea, and +acquire a novelty of aspect as often as I repeated it. Oddly enough, +my success was generally in proportion to the difference between the +conception and accomplishment. I provided two or more commencements +and catastrophes to many of the tales,--a happy expedient, suggested +by the double sets of sleeves and trimmings which diversified the +suits in Sir Piercy Shafton’s wardrobe. But my best efforts had a +unity, a wholeness, and a separate character that did not admit of +this sort of mechanism. + + + +THE VILLAGE THEATRE + +About the first of September my fellow-traveller and myself arrived +at a country town, where a small company of actors, on their return +from a summer’s campaign in the British Provinces, were giving a +series of dramatic exhibitions. A moderately sized hall of the +tavern had been converted into a theatre. The performances that +evening were, The Heir at Law, and No Song, no Supper, with the +recitation of Alexander’s Feast between the play and farce. The +house was thin and dull. But the next day there appeared to be +brighter prospects, the playbills announcing at every corner, on the +town-pump, and--awful sacrilege!--on the very door of the meeting-house, +an Unprecedented Attraction! After setting forth the ordinary +entertainments of a theatre, the public were informed, in the hugest +type that the printing-office could supply, that the manager had +been fortunate enough to accomplish an engagement with the +celebrated Story-Teller. He would make his first appearance that +evening, and recite his famous tale of Mr. Higginbotham’s +Catastrophe, which had been received with rapturous applause by +audiences in all the principal cities. This outrageous flourish of +trumpets, be it known, was wholly unauthorized by me, who had merely +made an engagement for a single evening, without assuming any more +celebrity than the little I possessed. As for the tale, it could +hardly have been applauded by rapturous audiences, being as yet an +unfilled plot; nor even when I stepped upon the stage was it decided +whether Mr. Higginbotham should live or die. + +In two or three places, underneath the flaming bills which announced +the Story-Teller, was pasted a small slip of paper, giving notice, +in tremulous characters, of a religious meeting to be held at the +school-house, where, with divine permission, Eliakim Abbott would +address sinners on the welfare of their immortal souls. + +In the evening, after the commencement of the tragedy of Douglas, I +took a ramble through the town to quicken my ideas by active motion. +My spirits were good, with a certain glow of mind which I had +already learned to depend upon as the sure prognostic of success. +Passing a small and solitary school-house, where a light was burning +dimly and a few people were entering the door, I went in with them, +and saw my friend Eliakim at the desk. He had collected about +fifteen hearers, mostly females. Just as I entered he was beginning +to pray in accents so low and interrupted that he seemed to doubt +the reception of his efforts both with God and man. There was room +for distrust in regard to the latter. At the conclusion of the +prayer several of the little audience went out, leaving him to begin +his discourse under such discouraging circumstances, added to his +natural and agonizing diffidence. Knowing that my presence on these +occasions increased his embarrassment, I had stationed myself in a +dusky place near the door, and now stole softly out. + +On my return to the tavern the tragedy was already concluded; and, +being a feeble one in itself and indifferently performed, it left so +much the better chance for the Story-Teller. The bar was thronged +with customers, the toddy-stick keeping a continual tattoo; while in +the hall there was a broad, deep, buzzing sound, with an occasional +peal of impatient thunder,--all symptoms of all overflowing house +and an eager audience. I drank a glass of wine-and-water, and stood +at the side scene conversing with a young person of doubtful sex. +If a gentleman, how could he have performed the singing girl the +night before in No Song, no Supper? Or, if a lady, why did she +enact Young Norval, and now wear a green coat and white pantaloons +in the character of Little Pickle? In either case the dress was +pretty and the wearer bewitching; so that, at the proper moment, I +stepped forward with a gay heart and a hold one; while the orchestra +played a tune that had resounded at many a country ball, and the +curtain, as it rose, discovered something like a country bar-room. +Such a scene was well enough adapted to such a tale. + +The orchestra of our little theatre consisted of two fiddles and a +clarinet; but, if the whole harmony of the Tremont had been there, +it might have swelled in vain beneath the tumult of applause that +greeted me. The good people of the town, knowing that the world +contained innumerable persons of celebrity undreamed of by them, +took it for granted that I was one, and that their roar of welcome +was but a feeble echo of those which had thundered around me in +lofty theatres. Such an enthusiastic uproar was never heard. Each +person seemed a Briarcus clapping a hundred hands, besides keeping +his feet and several cudgels in play with stamping and thumping on +the floor; while the ladies flourished their white cambric +handkerchiefs, intermixed with yellow and red bandanna, like the +flags of different nations. After such a salutation, the celebrated +Story-Teller felt almost ashamed to produce so humble an affair as +Mr. Higginbotham’s Catastrophe. + +This story was originally more dramatic than as there presented, and +afforded good scope for mimicry and buffoonery, neither of which, to +my shame, did I spare. I never knew the “magic of a name” till I +used that of Mr. Higginbotham. Often as I repeated it, there were +louder bursts of merriment than those which responded to what, in my +opinion, were more legitimate strokes of humor. The success of the +piece was incalculably heightened by a stiff cue of horsehair, which +Little Pickle, in the spirit of that mischief-loving character, had +fastened to my collar, where, unknown to me, it kept making the +queerest gestures of its own in correspondence with all mine. The +audience, supposing that some enormous joke was appended to this +long tail behind, were ineffably delighted, and gave way to such a +tumult of approbation that, just as the story closed, the benches +broke beneath them and left one whole row of my admirers on the +floor. Even in that predicament they continued their applause. In +after times, when I had grown a bitter moralizer, I took this scene +for an example how much of fame is humbug; how much the meed of what +our better nature blushes at; how much an accident; how much +bestowed on mistaken principles; and how small and poor the remnant. +From pit and boxes there was now a universal call for the Story-Teller. + +That celebrated personage came not when they did call to him. As I +left the stage, the landlord, being also the postmaster, had given +me a letter with the postmark of my native village, and directed to +my assumed name in the stiff old handwriting of Parson Thumpcushion. +Doubtless he had heard of the rising renown of the Story-Teller, and +conjectured at once that such a nondescript luminary could be no +other than his lost ward. His epistle, though I never read it, +affected me most painfully. I seemed to see the Puritanic figure of +my guardian standing among the fripperies of the theatre and +pointing to the players,--the fantastic and effeminate men, the +painted women, the giddy girl in boy’s clothes, merrier than +modest,--pointing to these with solemn ridicule, and eying me with +stern rebuke. His image was a type of the austere duty, and they of +the vanities of life. + +I hastened with the letter to my chamber and held it unopened in my +hand, while the applause of my buffoonery yet sounded through the +theatre. Another train of thought came over me. The stern old man +appeared again, but now with the gentleness of sorrow, softening his +authority with love as a father might, and even bending his +venerable head, as if to say that my errors had an apology in his +own mistaken discipline. I strode twice across the chamber, then +held the letter in the flame of the candle, and beheld it consume +unread. It is fixed in my mind, and was so at the time, that he had +addressed me in a style of paternal wisdom, and love, and +reconciliation which I could not have resisted had I but risked the +trial. The thought still haunts me that then I made my irrevocable +choice between good and evil fate. + +Meanwhile, as this occurrence had disturbed my mind and indisposed +me to the present exercise of my profession, I left the town, in +spite of a laudatory critique in the newspaper, and untempted by the +liberal offers of the manager. As we walked onward, following the +same road, on two such different errands, Eliakim groaned in spirit, +and labored with tears to convince me of the guilt and madness of my +life. + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Passages from a Relinquished Work +(From “Mosses From An Old Manse”), by Nathaniel Hawthorne + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PASSAGES--RELINQUISHED WORK *** + +***** This file should be named 9232-0.txt or 9232-0.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/9/2/3/9232/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Be sure to check the +copyright laws for your country before downloading or redistributing +this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook. + +This header should be the first thing seen when viewing this Project +Gutenberg file. Please do not remove it. Do not change or edit the +header without written permission. + +Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the +eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is +important information about your specific rights and restrictions in +how the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**EBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These EBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers***** + + + +Title: Passages From a Relinquised Work (From "Mosses From An Old Manse") + +Author: Nathaniel Hawthorne + +Release Date: Nov, 2005 [EBook #9232] +[This file was first posted on September 6, 2003] +[Last updated on February 6, 2007] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + + + + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, A RELINQUISHED WORK *** + + + + +This eBook was produced by David Widger + + + + + + MOSSES FROM AN OLD MANSE + + By Nathaniel Hawthorne + + PASSAGES FROM A RELINQUISHED WORK + + + +AT HOME + +From infancy I was under the guardianship of a village parson, who +made me the subject of daily prayer and the sufferer of innumerable +stripes, using no distinction, as to these marks of paternal love, +between myself and his own three boys. The result, it must be +owned, has been very different in their cases and mine, they being +all respectable men and well settled in life; the eldest as the +successor to his father's pulpit, the second as a physician, and the +third as a partner in a wholesale shoe-store; while I, with better +prospects than either of them, have run the course which this volume +will describe. Yet there is room for doubt whether I should have +been any better contented with such success as theirs than with my +own misfortunes,--at least, till after my experience of the latter +had made it too late for another trial. + +My guardian had a name of considerable eminence, and fitter for the +place it occupies in ecclesiastical history than for so frivolous a +page as mine. In his own vicinity, among the lighter part of his +hearers, he was called Parson Thumpcushion, from the very forcible +gestures with which he illustrated his doctrines. Certainly, if his +powers as a preacher were to be estimated by the damage done to his +pulpit-furniture, none of his living brethren, and but few dead +ones, would have been worthy even to pronounce a benediction after +him. Such pounding and expounding the moment he began to grow +warm, such slapping with his open palm, thumping with his closed +fist, and banging with the whole weight of the great Bible, +convinced me that he held, in imagination, either the Old Nick or +some Unitarian infidel at bay, and belabored his unhappy cushion as +proxy for those abominable adversaries. Nothing but this exercise +of the body while delivering his sermons could have supported the +good parson's health under the mental toil which they cost him in +composition. + +Though Parson Thumpcushion had an upright heart, and some called it +a warm one, he was invariably stern and severe, on principle, I +suppose, to me. With late justice, though early enough, even now, +to be tinctured with generosity I acknowledge him to have been a +good and wise man after his own fashion. If his management failed +as to myself, it succeeded with his three sons; nor, I must frankly +say, could any mode of education with which it was possible for him +to be acquainted have made me much better than what I was or led me +to a happier fortune than the present. He could neither change the +nature that God gave me nor adapt his own inflexible mind to my +peculiar character. Perhaps it was my chief misfortune that I had +neither father nor mother alive; for parents have an instinctive +sagacity in regard to the welfare of their children, and the child +feels a confidence both in the wisdom and affection of his parents +which he cannot transfer to any delegate of their duties, however +conscientious. An orphan's fate is hard, be he rich or poor. As +for Parson Thumpcushion, whenever I see the old gentleman in my +dreams he looks kindly and sorrowfully at me, holding out his hand +as if each had something to forgive. With such kindness and such +forgiveness, but without the sorrow, may our next meeting be! + +I was a youth of gay and happy temperament, with an incorrigible +levity of spirit, of no vicious propensities, sensible enough, but +wayward and fanciful. What a character was this to be brought in +contact with the stern old Pilgrim spirit of my guardian! We were +at variance on a thousand points; but our chief and final dispute +arose from the pertinacity with which he insisted on my adopting a +particular profession; while I, being heir to a moderate competence, +had avowed my purpose of keeping aloof from the regular business of +life. This would have been a dangerous resolution anywhere in the +world; it was fatal in New England. There is a grossness in the +conceptions of my countrymen; they will not be convinced that any +good thing may consist with what they call idleness; they can +anticipate nothing but evil of a young man who neither studies +physic, law, nor gospel, nor opens a store, nor takes to farming, +but manifests an incomprehensible disposition to be satisfied with +what his father left him. The principle is excellent in its general +influence, but most miserable in its effect on the few that violate +it. I had a quick sensitiveness to public opinion, and felt as if +it ranked me with the tavern haunters and town paupers,--with the +drunken poet who hawked his own Fourth of July odes, and the broken +soldier who had been good for nothing since last war. The +consequence of all this was a piece of light-hearted desperation. + +I do not over-estimate my notoriety when I take it for granted that +many of my readers must have heard of me in the wild way of life +which I adopted. The idea of becoming a wandering story-teller had +been suggested, a year or two before, by an encounter with several +merry vagabonds in a showman's wagon, where they and I had sheltered +ourselves during a summer shower. The project was not more +extravagant than most which a young man forms. Stranger ones are +executed every day; and, not to mention my prototypes in the East, +and the wandering orators and poets whom my own ears have heard, I +had the example of one illustrious itinerant in the other +hemisphere,--of Goldsmith, who planned and performed his travels +through France and Italy on a less promising scheme than mine. I +took credit to myself for various qualifications, mental and +personal, suited to the undertaking. Besides, my mind had latterly +tormented me for employment, keeping up an irregular activity even +in sleep, and making me conscious that I must toil, if it were but +in catching butterflies. But my chief motives were, discontent with +home and a bitter grudge against Parson Thumpcushion, who would +rather have laid me in my father's tomb than seen me either a +novelist or an actor, two characters which I thus hit upon a method +of uniting. After all, it was not half so foolish as if I had +written romances instead of reciting them. + +The following pages will contain a picture of my vagrant life, +intermixed with specimens, generally brief and slight, of that great +mass of fiction to which I gave existence, and which has vanished +like cloud-shapes. Besides the occasions when I sought a pecuniary +reward, I was accustomed to exercise my narrative faculty wherever +chance had collected a little audience idle enough to listen. These +rehearsals were useful in testing the strong points of my stories; +and, indeed, the flow of fancy soon came upon me so abundantly that +its indulgence was its own reward, though the hope of praise also +became a powerful incitement. Since I shall never feel the warm +gush of new thought as I did then, let me beseech the reader to +believe that my tales were not always so cold as he may find them +now. With each specimen will be given a sketch of the circumstances +in which the story was told. Thus my air-drawn pictures will be set +in frames perhaps more valuable than the pictures themselves, since +they will be embossed with groups of characteristic figures, amid +the lake and mountain scenery, the villages and fertile fields, of +our native land. But I write the book for the sake of its moral, +which many a dreaming youth may profit by, though it is the +experience of a wandering story-teller. + + + +A FLIGHT IN THE FOG. + +I set out on my rambles one morning in June about sunrise. The day +promised to be fair, though at that early hour a heavy mist lay +along the earth and settled in minute globules on the folds of my +clothes, so that I looked precisely as if touched with a hoar-frost. +The sky was quite obscured, and the trees and houses invisible till +they grew out of the fog as I came close upon them. There is a hill +towards the west whence the road goes abruptly down, holding a level +course through the village and ascending an eminence on the other +side, behind which it disappears. The whole view comprises an +extent of half a mile. Here I paused; and, while gazing through the +misty veil, it partially rose and swept away with so sudden an +effect that a gray cloud seemed to have taken the aspect of a small +white town. A thin vapor being still diffused through the +atmosphere, the wreaths and pillars of fog, whether hung in air or +based on earth, appeared not less substantial than the edifices, and +gave their own indistinctness to the whole. It was singular that +such an unromantic scene should look so visionary. + +Half of the parson's dwelling was a dingy white house, and half of +it was a cloud; but Squire Moody's mansion, the grandest in the +village, was wholly visible, even the lattice-work of the balcony +under the front window; while in another place only two red chimneys +were seen above the mist, appertaining to my own paternal residence, +then tenanted by strangers. I could not remember those with whom I +had dwelt there, not even my mother. The brick edifice of the bank +was in the clouds; the foundations of what was to be a great block +of buildings had vanished, ominously, as it proved; the dry-goods +store of Mr. Nightingale seemed a doubtful concern; and Dominicus +Pike's tobacco manufactory an affair of smoke, except the splendid +image of an Indian chief in front. The white spire of the meeting- +house ascended out of the densest heap of vapor, as if that shadowy +base were its only support: or, to give a truer interpretation, the +steeple was the emblem of Religion, enveloped in mystery below, yet +pointing to a cloudless atmosphere, and catching the brightness of +the east on its gilded vane. + +As I beheld these objects, and the dewy street, with grassy +intervals and a border of trees between the wheeltrack and the +sidewalks, all so indistinct, and not to be traced without an +effort, the whole seemed more like memory than reality. I would +have imagined that years had already passed, and I was far away, +contemplating that dim picture of my native place, which I should +retain in my mind through the mist of time. No tears fell from my +eyes among the dewdrops of the morning; nor does it occur to me that +I heaved a sigh. In truth, I had never felt such a delicious +excitement nor known what freedom was till that moment when I gave +up my home and took the whole world in exchange, fluttering the +wings of my spirit as if I would have flown from one star to another +through the universe. I waved my hand towards the dusky village, +bade it a joyous farewell, and turned away to follow any path but +that which might lead me back. Never was Childe Harold's sentiment +adopted in a spirit more unlike his own. + +Naturally enough, I thought of Don Quixote. Recollecting how the +knight and Sancho had watched for auguries when they took the road +to Toboso, I began, between jest and earnest, to feel a similar +anxiety. It was gratified, and by a more poetical phenomenon than +the braying of the dappled ass or the neigh of Rosinante. The sun, +then just above the horizon, shone faintly through the fog, and +formed a species of rainbow in the west, bestriding my intended road +like a gigantic portal. I had never known before that a bow could +be generated between the sunshine and the morning mist. It had no +brilliancy, no perceptible hues, but was a mere unpainted framework, +as white and ghostlike as the lunar rainbow, which is deemed ominous +of evil. But, with a light heart, to which all omens were +propitious, I advanced beneath the misty archway of futurity. + +I had determined not to enter on my profession within a hundred +miles of home, and then to cover myself with a fictitious name. The +first precaution was reasonable enough, as otherwise Parson +Thumpcushion might have put an untimely catastrophe to my story; but +as nobody would be much affected by my disgrace, and all was to be +suffered in my own person, I know not why I cared about a name. For +a week or two I travelled almost at random, seeking hardly any +guidance except the whirling of a leaf at, some turn of the road, or +the green bough that beckoned me, or the naked branch that pointed +its withered finger onward. All my care was to be farther from home +each night than the preceding morning. + + + +A FELLOW-TRAVELLER. + +One day at noontide, when the sun had burst suddenly out of a cloud, +and threatened to dissolve me, I looked round for shelter, whether +of tavern, cottage, barn, or shady tree. The first which offered +itself was a wood,--not a forest, but a trim plantation of young +oaks, growing just thick enough to keep the mass of sunshine out, +while they admitted a few straggling beams, and thus produced the +most cheerful gloom imaginable. A brook, so small and clear, and +apparently so cool, that I wanted to drink it up, ran under the road +through a little arch of stone without once meeting the sun in its +passage from the shade on one side to the shade on the other. As +there was a stepping-place over the stone wall and a path along the +rivulet, I followed it and discovered its source,--a spring gushing +out of an old barrel. + +In this pleasant spot I saw a light pack suspended from the branch +of a tree, a stick leaning against the trunk, and a person seated on +the grassy verge of the spring, with his back towards me. He was a +slender figure, dressed in black broadcloth, which was none of the +finest nor very fashionably cut. On hearing my footsteps he started +up rather nervously, and, turning round, showed the face of a young +man about my own age, with his finger in a volume which he had been +reading till my intrusion. His book was evidently a pocket Bible. +Though I piqued myself at that period on my great penetration into +people's characters and pursuits, I could not decide whether this +young man in black were an unfledged divine from Andover, a college +student, or preparing for college at some academy. In either case I +would quite as willingly have found a merrier companion; such, for +instance, as the comedian with whom Gil Blas shared his dinner +beside a fountain in Spain. + +After a nod, which was duly returned, I made a goblet of oak-leaves, +filled and emptied it two or three times, and then remarked, to hit +the stranger's classical associations, that this beautiful fountain +ought to flow from an urn instead of an old barrel. He did not show +that he understood the allusion, and replied very briefly, with a +shyness that was quite out of place between persons who met in such +circumstances. Had he treated my next observation in the same way, +we should have parted without another word. + +"It is very singular," said I,--"though doubtless there are good +reasons for it,--that Nature should provide drink so abundantly, and +lavish it everywhere by the roadside, but so seldom anything to eat. +Why should not we find a loaf of bread on this tree as well as a +barrel of good liquor at the foot of it?" + +"There is a loaf of bread on the tree," replied the stranger, +without even smiling--at a coincidence which made me laugh. "I have +something to eat in my bundle; and, if you can make a dinner with +me, you shall be welcome." + +"I accept your offer with pleasure," said I. "A pilgrim such as I +am must not refuse a providential meal." + +The young man had risen to take his bundle from the branch of the +tree, but now turned round and regarded me with great earnestness, +coloring deeply at the same time. However, he said nothing, and +produced part of a loaf of bread and some cheese, the former being +evidently home baked, though some days out of the oven. The fare +was good enough, with a real welcome, such as his appeared to be. +After spreading these articles on the stump of a tree, he proceeded +to ask a blessing on our food, an unexpected ceremony, and quite an +impressive one at our woodland table, with the fountain gushing +beside us and the bright sky glimmering through the boughs; nor did +his brief petition affect me less because his embarrassment made his +voice tremble. At the end of the meal he returned thanks with the +same tremulous fervor. + +He felt a natural kindness for me after thus relieving my +necessities, and showed it by becoming less reserved. On my part, I +professed never to have relished a dinner better; and, in requital +of the stranger's hospitality, solicited the pleasure of his company +to supper. + +"Where? At your home?" asked he. + +"Yes," said I, smiling. + +"Perhaps our roads are not the same," observed he. + +"O, I can take any road but one, and yet not miss my way," answered +I. "This morning I breakfasted at home; I shall sup at home +to-night; and a moment ago I dined at home. To be sure, there was a +certain place which I called home; but I have resolved not to see it +again till I have been quite round the globe and enter the street on +the east as I left it on the west. In the mean time, I have a home +everywhere, or nowhere, just as you please to take it." + +"Nowhere, then; for this transitory world is not our home," said the +young man, with solemnity. "We are all pilgrims and wanderers; but +it is strange that we two should meet." + +I inquired the meaning of this remark, but could obtain no +satisfactory reply. But we had eaten salt together, and it was +right that we should form acquaintance after that ceremony as the +Arabs of the desert do, especially as he had learned something about +myself, and the courtesy of the country entitled me to as much +information in return. I asked whither he was travelling. + +"I do not know," said he; "but God knows." + +"That is strange!" exclaimed I; "not that God should know it, but +that you should not. And how is your road to be pointed out?" + +"Perhaps by an inward conviction," he replied, looking sideways at +me to discover whether I smiled; "perhaps by an outward sign." + +"Then, believe me," said I, "the outward sign is already granted +you, and the inward conviction ought to follow. We are told of +pious men in old times who committed themselves to the care of +Providence, and saw the manifestation of its will in the slightest +circumstances, as in the shooting of a star, the flight of a bird, +or the course taken by some brute animal. Sometimes even a stupid +ass was their guide. May I not be as good a one?" + +"I do not know," said the pilgrim, with perfect simplicity. + +We did, however, follow the same road, and were not overtaken, as I +partly apprehended, by the keepers of any lunatic asylum in pursuit +of a stray patient. Perhaps the stranger felt as much doubt of my +sanity as I did of his, though certainly with less justice, since I +was fully aware of my own extravagances, while he acted as wildly, +and deemed it heavenly wisdom. We were a singular couple, +strikingly contrasted, yet curiously assimilated, each of us +remarkable enough by himself, and doubly so in the other's company. +Without any formal compact, we kept together day after day till our +union appeared permanent. Even had I seen nothing to love and +admire in him, I could never have thought of deserting one who +needed me continually; for I never knew a person; not even a woman, +so unfit to roam the world in solitude as he was,--so painfully shy, +so easily discouraged by slight obstacles, and so often depressed by +a weight within himself. + +I was now far from my native place, but had not yet stepped before +the public. A slight tremor seized me whenever I thought of +relinquishing the immunities of a private character, and giving +every man, and for money too, the right which no man yet possessed, +of treating me with open scorn. But about a week after contracting +the above alliance I made my bow to an audience of nine persons, +seven of whom hissed me in a very disagreeable manner, and not +without good cause. Indeed, the failure was so signal that it would +have been mere swindling to retain the money, which had been paid on +my implied contract to give its value of amusement. So I called in +the doorkeeper, bade him refund the whole receipts, a mighty sum and +was gratified with a round of applause by way of offset to +the hisses. This event would have looked most horrible in +anticipation,--a thing to make a man shoot himself, or run amuck, or +hide himself in caverns where he might not see his own burning +blush; but the reality was not so very hard to bear. It is a fact +that I was more deeply grieved by an almost parallel misfortune +which happened to my companion on the same evening. In my own +behalf I was angry and excited, not depressed; my blood ran quick, +my spirits rose buoyantly, and I had never felt such a confidence of +future success and determination to achieve it as at that trying +moment. I resolved to persevere, if it were only to wring the +reluctant praise from my enemies. + +Hitherto I had immensely underrated the difficulties of my idle +trade; now I recognized that it demanded nothing short of my whole +powers cultivated to the utmost, and exerted with the same +prodigality as if I were speaking for a great party or for the +nation at large on the floor of the Capitol. No talent or +attainment could come amiss; everything, indeed, was requisite,-- +wide observation, varied knowledge, deep thoughts, and sparkling +ones; pathos and levity, and a mixture of both, like sunshine in a +raindrop; lofty imagination, veiling itself in the garb of common +life; and the practised art which alone could render these gifts, +and more than these, available. Not that I ever hoped to be thus +qualified. But my despair was no ignoble one; for, knowing the +impossibility of satisfying myself, even should the world be +satisfied, I did my best to overcome it; investigated the causes of +every defect; and strove, with patient stubbornness, to remove them +in the next attempt. It is one of my few sources of pride, that, +ridiculous as the object was, I followed it up with the firmness and +energy of a man. + +I manufactured a great variety of plots and skeletons of tales, and +kept them ready for use, leaving the filling up to the inspiration +of the moment; though I cannot remember ever to have told a tale +which did not vary considerably from my preconceived idea, and +acquire a novelty of aspect as often as I repeated it. Oddly enough, +my success was generally in proportion to the difference between the +conception and accomplishment. I provided two or more commencements +and catastrophes to many of the tales,--a happy expedient, suggested +by the double sets of sleeves and trimmings which diversified the +suits in Sir Piercy Shafton's wardrobe. But my best efforts had a +unity, a wholeness, and a separate character that did not admit of +this sort of mechanism. + + + +THE VILLAGE THEATRE + +About the first of September my fellow-traveller and myself arrived +at a country town, where a small company of actors, on their return +from a summer's campaign in the British Provinces, were giving a +series of dramatic exhibitions. A moderately sized hall of the +tavern had been converted into a theatre. The performances that +evening were, The Heir at Law, and No Song, no Supper, with the +recitation of Alexander's Feast between the play and farce. The +house was thin and dull. But the next day there appeared to be +brighter prospects, the playbills announcing at every corner, on the +town-pump, and--awful sacrilege!--on the very door of the meeting- +house, an Unprecedented Attraction! After setting forth the ordinary +entertainments of a theatre, the public were informed, in the hugest +type that the printing-office could supply, that the manager had +been fortunate enough to accomplish an engagement with the +celebrated Story-Teller. He would make his first appearance that +evening, and recite his famous tale of Mr. Higginbotham's +Catastrophe, which had been received with rapturous applause by +audiences in all the principal cities. This outrageous flourish of +trumpets, be it known, was wholly unauthorized by me, who had merely +made an engagement for a single evening, without assuming any more +celebrity than the little I possessed. As for the tale, it could +hardly have been applauded by rapturous audiences, being as yet an +unfilled plot; nor even when I stepped upon the stage was it decided +whether Mr. Higginbotham should live or die. + +In two or three places, underneath the flaming bills which announced +the Story-Teller, was pasted a small slip of paper, giving notice, +in tremulous characters, of a religious meeting to be held at the +school-house, where, with divine permission, Eliakim Abbott would +address sinners on the welfare of their immortal souls. + +In the evening, after the commencement of the tragedy of Douglas, I +took a ramble through the town to quicken my ideas by active motion. +My spirits were good, with a certain glow of mind which I had +already learned to depend upon as the sure prognostic of success. +Passing a small and solitary school-house, where a light was burning +dimly and a few people were entering the door, I went in with them, +and saw my friend Eliakim at the desk. He had collected about +fifteen hearers, mostly females. Just as I entered he was beginning +to pray in accents so low and interrupted that he seemed to doubt +the reception of his efforts both with God and man. There was room +for distrust in regard to the latter. At the conclusion of the +prayer several of the little audience went out, leaving him to begin +his discourse under such discouraging circumstances, added to his +natural and agonizing diffidence. Knowing that my presence on these +occasions increased his embarrassment, I had stationed myself in a +dusky place near the door, and now stole softly out. + +On my return to the tavern the tragedy was already concluded; and, +being a feeble one in itself and indifferently performed, it left so +much the better chance for the Story-Teller. The bar was thronged +with customers, the toddy-stick keeping a continual tattoo; while in +the hall there was a broad, deep, buzzing sound, with an occasional +peal of impatient thunder,--all symptoms of all overflowing house +and an eager audience. I drank a glass of wine-and-water, and stood +at the side scene conversing with a young person of doubtful sex. +If a gentleman, how could he have performed the singing girl the +night before in No Song, no Supper? Or, if a lady, why did she +enact Young Norval, and now wear a green coat and white pantaloons +in the character of Little Pickle? In either case the dress was +pretty and the wearer bewitching; so that, at the proper moment, I +stepped forward with a gay heart and a hold one; while the orchestra +played a tune that had resounded at many a country ball, and the +curtain, as it rose, discovered something like a country bar-room. +Such a scene was well enough adapted to such a tale. + +The orchestra of our little theatre consisted of two fiddles and a +clarinet; but, if the whole harmony of the Tremont had been there, +it might have swelled in vain beneath the tumult of applause that +greeted me. The good people of the town, knowing that the world +contained innumerable persons of celebrity undreamed of by them, +took it for granted that I was one, and that their roar of welcome +was but a feeble echo of those which had thundered around me in +lofty theatres. Such an enthusiastic uproar was never heard. Each +person seemed a Briarcus clapping a hundred hands, besides keeping +his feet and several cudgels in play with stamping and thumping on +the floor; while the ladies flourished their white cambric +handkerchiefs, intermixed with yellow and red bandanna, like the +flags of different nations. After such a salutation, the celebrated +Story-Teller felt almost ashamed to produce so humble an affair as +Mr. Higginbotham's Catastrophe. + +This story was originally more dramatic than as there presented, and +afforded good scope for mimicry and buffoonery, neither of which, to +my shame, did I spare. I never knew the "magic of a name" till I +used that of Mr. Higginbotham. Often as I repeated it, there were +louder bursts of merriment than those which responded to what, in my +opinion, were more legitimate strokes of humor. The success of the +piece was incalculably heightened by a stiff cue of horsehair, which +Little Pickle, in the spirit of that mischief-loving character, had +fastened to my collar, where, unknown to me, it kept making the +queerest gestures of its own in correspondence with all mine. The +audience, supposing that some enormous joke was appended to this +long tail behind, were ineffably delighted, and gave way to such a +tumult of approbation that, just as the story closed, the benches +broke beneath them and left one whole row of my admirers on the +floor. Even in that predicament they continued their applause. In +after times, when I had grown a bitter moralizer, I took this scene +for an example how much of fame is humbug; how much the meed of what +our better nature blushes at; how much an accident; how much +bestowed on mistaken principles; and how small and poor the remnant. +From pit and boxes there was now a universal call for the Story- +Teller. + +That celebrated personage came not when they did call to him. As I +left the stage, the landlord, being also the postmaster, had given +me a letter with the postmark of my native village, and directed to +my assumed name in the stiff old handwriting of Parson Thumpcushion. +Doubtless he had heard of the rising renown of the Story-Teller, and +conjectured at once that such a nondescript luminary could be no +other than his lost ward. His epistle, though I never read it, +affected me most painfully. I seemed to see the Puritanic figure of +my guardian standing among the fripperies of the theatre and +pointing to the players,--the fantastic and effeminate men, the +painted women, the giddy girl in boy's clothes, merrier than +modest,--pointing to these with solemn ridicule, and eying me with +stern rebuke. His image was a type of the austere duty, and they of +the vanities of life. + +I hastened with the letter to my chamber and held it unopened in my +hand, while the applause of my buffoonery yet sounded through the +theatre. Another train of thought came over me. The stern old man +appeared again, but now with the gentleness of sorrow, softening his +authority with love as a father might, and even bending his +venerable head, as if to say that my errors had an apology in his +own mistaken discipline. I strode twice across the chamber, then +held the letter in the flame of the candle, and beheld it consume +unread. It is fixed in my mind, and was so at the time, that he had +addressed me in a style of paternal wisdom, and love, and +reconciliation which I could not have resisted had I but risked the +trial. The thought still haunts me that then I made my irrevocable +choice between good and evil fate. + +Meanwhile, as this occurrence had disturbed my mind and indisposed +me to the present exercise of my profession, I left the town, in +spite of a laudatory critique in the newspaper, and untempted by the +liberal offers of the manager. As we walked onward, following the +same road, on two such different errands, Eliakim groaned in spirit, +and labored with tears to convince me of the guilt and madness of my +life. + + + + + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, A RELINQUISHED WORK *** +By Nathaniel Hawthorne + +**** This file should be named haw5910.txt or haw5910.zip ***** + +Corrected EDITIONS of our etexts get a new NUMBER, haw5911.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, haw5910a.txt + +This eBook was produced by David Widger [widger@cecomet.net] + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. 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