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diff --git a/old/8sam810.txt b/old/8sam810.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2611383 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/8sam810.txt @@ -0,0 +1,8522 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Samantha Among the Brethren, by Josiah Allen's Wife +#1 in our series by Marietta Holley + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the +copyright laws for your country before downloading or redistributing +this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook. + +This header should be the first thing seen when viewing this Project +Gutenberg file. Please do not remove it. Do not change or edit the +header without written permission. + +Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the +eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is +important information about your specific rights and restrictions in +how the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** + + +Title: Samantha Among the Brethren, Complete + +Author: Josiah Allen's Wife (Marietta Holley) + +Release Date: December, 2005 [EBook #9450] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on October 1, 2003] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SAMANTHA AMONG THE BRETHREN *** + + + + +Produced by Juliet Sutherland, David Widger +and PG Distributed Proofreaders + + + + +[Illustration] SAMANTHA + +AMONG THE BRETHREN. + +BY + +"JOSIAH ALLEN'S WIFE" + +(MARIETTA HOLLEY). + + +_WITH ILLUSTRATIONS_. + + + + +1890 + + + + +TO + +All Women + +WHO WORK, TRYING TO BRING INTO DARK LIVES + +THE BRIGHTNESS AND HOPE OF A + +BETTER COUNTRY, + +_THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED_. + + + +PREFACE. + + +Again it come to pass, in the fulness of time, that my companion, Josiah +Allen, see me walk up and take my ink stand off of the manteltry piece, +and carry it with a calm and majestick gait to the corner of the settin' +room table devoted by me to literary pursuits. And he sez to me: + +"What are you goin' to tackle now, Samantha?" + +And sez I, with quite a good deal of dignity, "The Cause of Eternal +Justice, Josiah Allen." + +"Anythin' else?" sez he, lookin' sort o' oneasy at me. (That man +realizes his shortcomin's, I believe, a good deal of the time, he duz.) + +"Yes," sez I, "I lay out in petickuler to tackle the Meetin' House. She +is in the wrong on't, and I want to set her right." + +Josiah looked sort o' relieved like, but he sez out, in a kind of a pert +way, es he set there a-shellin corn for the hens: + +"A Meetin' House hadn't ort to be called she--it is a he." + +And sez I, "How do you know?" + +And he sez, "Because it stands to reason it is. And I'd like to know +what you have got to say about him any way?" + +Sez I, "That 'him' don't sound right, Josiah Allen. It sounds more right +and nateral to call it 'she.' Why," sez I, "hain't we always hearn about +the Mother Church, and don't the Bible tell about the Church bein' +arrayed like a bride for her husband? I never in my life hearn it called +a 'he' before." + +"Oh, wall, there has always got to be a first time. And I say it sounds +better. But what have you got to say about the Meetin' House, anyway?" + +"I have got this to say, Josiah Allen. The Meetin' House hain't a-actin' +right about wimmen. The Founder of the Church wuz born of woman. It wuz +on a woman's heart that His head wuz pillowed first and last. While +others slept she watched over His baby slumbers and His last sleep. A +woman wuz His last thought and care. Before dawn she wuz at the door of +the tomb, lookin' for His comin'. So she has stood ever sense--waitin', +watchin', hopin', workin' for the comin' of Christ. Workin', waitin' for +His comin' into the hearts of tempted wimmen and tempted men--fallen men +and fallen wimmen--workin', waitin', toilin', nursin' the baby good +in the hearts of a sinful world--weepin' pale-faced over its +crucefixion--lookin' for its reserection. Oh how she has worked all +through the ages!" + +"Oh shaw!" sez Josiah, "some wimmen don't care about anythin' but crazy +work and back combs." + +I felt took down, for I had been riz up, quite considerble, but I sez, +reasonable: + +"Yes, there are such wimmen, Josiah, but think of the sweet and saintly +souls that have given all their lives, and hopes, and thoughts to the +Meetin' House--think of the throngs to-day that crowd the aisles of +the Sanctuary--there are five wimmen to one man, I believe, in all the +meetin' houses to-day a-workin' in His name. True Daughters of the King, +no matter what their creed may be--Catholic or Protestant. + +"And while wimmen have done all this work for the Meetin' House, the +Meetin' House ort to be honorable and do well by her." + +"Wall, hain't _he_?" sez Josiah. + +"No, _she_ hain't," sez I. + +"Wall, what petickuler fault do you find? What has _he_ done lately to +rile you up?" + +Sez I, "_She_ wuz in the wrong on't in not lettin' wimmen set on the +Conference." + +"Wall, I say _he_ wuz right," sez Josiah. "_He_ knew, and I knew, that +wimmen wuzn't strong enough to set." + +"Why," sez I, "it don't take so much strength to set as it duz to stand +up. And after workin' as hard as wimmen have for the Meetin' House, she +ort to have the priveledge of settin'. And I am goin' to write out jest +what I think about it." + +"Wall," sez Josiah, as he started for the barn with the hen feed, "don't +be too severe with the Meetin' House." + +And then, after he went out, he opened the door agin and stuck his head +in and sez: + +"Don't be too hard on _him_" + +And then he shet the door quick, before I could say a word. But good +land! I didn't care. I knew I could say what I wanted to with my +faithful pen--and I am bound to say it. + + JOSIAH ALLEN'S WIFE, + Bonny View, + near Adams, New York, + Oct. 14th, 1890. + + + + +CONTENTS. + +CHAPTER I. + +CHAPTER II. + +CHAPTER III. + +CHAPTER IV. + +CHAPTER V. + +CHAPTER VI. + +CHAPTER VII. + +CHAPTER VIII. + +CHAPTER IX. + +CHAPTER X. + +CHAPTER XI. + +CHAPTER XII. + +CHAPTER XIII. + +CHAPTER XIV. + +CHAPTER XV. + +CHAPTER XVI + +CHAPTER XVII + +CHAPTER XVIII + +CHAPTER XIX + +CHAPTER XX + +CHAPTER XXI + +CHAPTER XXII + +CHAPTER XXIII + +CHAPTER XXIV + +CHAPTER XXV + +CHAPTER XXVI + +CHAPTER XXVII + +CHAPTER XXVIII + +_Publishers' Appendix_ + + + + +CHAPTER I. + + +When I first heard that wimmen wuz goin' to make a effort to set on a +Conference, it wuz on a Wednesday, as I remember well. For my companion, +Josiah Allen, had drove over to Loontown in a Democrat and in a great +hurry, to meet two men who wanted him to go into a speculation with 'em. + +And it wuz kinder curious to meditate on it, that they wuz all deacons, +every one on 'em. Three on 'em wuz Baptis'es, and two on 'em had jined +our meetin' house, deacons, and the old name clung to 'em--we spoze +because they wuz such good, stiddy men, and looked up to. + +Take 'em all together there wuz five deacons. The two foreign deacons +from 'way beyond Jonesville, Deacon Keeler and Deacon Huffer, and +our own three Jonesvillians--Deacon Henzy, Deacon Sypher, and my own +particular Deacon, Josiah Allen. + +It wuz a wild and hazardous skeme that them two foreign deacons wuz +a-proposin', and I wuz strongly in favor of givin' 'em a negative +answer; but Josiah wuz fairly crazy with the idee, and so wuz Deacon +Henzy and Deacon Sypher (their wives told me how they felt). + +The idee was to build a buzz saw mill on the creek that runs through +Jonesville, and have branches of it extend into Zoar, Loontown, and +other more adjacent townships (the same creek runs through 'em all). + +As near as I could get it into my head, there wuz to be a buzz saw mill +apiece for the five deacons--each one of 'em to overlook their own +particular buzz saw--but the money comin' from all on 'em to be divided +up equal among the five deacons. + +[Illustration: "A WILD AND HAZARDOUS SKEME."] + +They thought there wuz lots of money in the idee. But I wuz very set +against it from the first. It seemed to me that to have buzz saws +a-permeatin' the atmosphere, as you may say, for so wide a space, would +make too much of a confusion and noise, to say nothin' of the jarin' +that would take place and ensue. I felt more and more, as I meditated on +the subject, that a buzz saw, although estimable in itself, yet it wuz +not a spear in which a religious deacon could withdraw from the world, +and ponder on the great questions pertainin' to his own and the world's +salvation. + +I felt it wuz not a spear that he could revolve round in and keep that +apartness from this world and nearness to the other, that I felt that +deacons ought to cultivate. + +But my idees wuz frowned at by every man in Jonesville, when I ventured +to promulgate 'em. They all said, "The better the man, the better the +deed." + +They said, "The better the man wuz, the better the buzz saw he would be +likely to run." The fact wuz, they needed some buzz saw mills bad, and +wuz very glad to have these deacons lay holt of 'em. + +[Illustration: TALKING OVER THE BUZZ-SAW.] + +But I threw out this question at 'em, and stood by it--"If bein' set +apart as a deacon didn't mean anything? If there wuzn't any deacon-work +that they ought to be expected to do--and if it wuz right for 'em to +go into any world's work so wild and hazardous and engrossin', as this +enterprise?" + +And again they sez to me in stern, decided axents, "The better the man, +the better the deed. We need buzz saws." + +And then they would turn their backs to me and stalk away very +high-headed. + +And I felt that I wuz a gettin' fearfully onpopular all through +Jonesville, by my questions. I see that the hull community wuz so sot on +havin' them five deacons embark onto these buzz saws that they would not +brook any interference, least of all from a female woman. + +But I had a feelin' that Josiah Allen wuz, as you may say, my lawful +prey. I felt that I had a right to question my own pardner for the good +of his own soul, and my piece of mind. + +And I sez to him in solemn axents: + +"Josiah Allen, what time will you get when you are fairly started on +your buzz saw, for domestic life, or social, or for religious duties?" + +And Josiah sez, "Dumb 'em! I guess a man is a goin' to make money when +he has got a chance." And I asked him plain if he had got so low, and if +I had lived with him twenty years for this, to hear him in the end dumb +religious duties. + +And Josiah acted skairt and conscience smut for most half a minute, and +said, "he didn't dumb 'em." + +"What wuz you dumbin'?" sez I, coldly. + +"I wuz dumbin' the idee," sez he, "that a man can't make money when he +has a chance to." + +But I sez, a haulin' up this strong argument agin-- + +"Every one of you men, who are a layin' holt of this enterprise and +a-embarkin' onto this buzz saw are married men, and are deacons in a +meetin' house. Now this work you are a-talkin' of takin' up will devour +all of your time, every minute of it, that you can spare from your +farms. + +"And to say nothin' of your wives and children not havin' any chance +of havin' any comfort out of your society. What will become of the +interests of Zion at home and abroad, of foreign and domestic missions, +prayer meetin's, missionary societies, temperance meetin's and good +works generally?" + +And then again I thought, and it don't seem as if I can be mistaken, I +most know that I heerd Josiah Allen mutter in a low voice, + +"Dumb good works!" + +[Illustration: "I HEERD JOSIAH MUTTER, 'DUMB GOOD WORKS!'"] + +But I wouldn't want this told of, for I may be mistook. I didn't fairly +ketch the words, and I spoke out agin, in dretful meanin' and harrowin' +axents, and sez, "What will become of all this gospel work?" + +And Josiah had by this time got over his skare and conscience smite (men +can't keep smut for more'n several minutes anyway, their consciences are +so elastic; good land! rubber cord can't compare with 'em), and he had +collected his mind all together, and he spoke out low and clear, and in +a tone as if he wuz fairly surprised I should make the remark: + +"Why, the gospel work will get along jest as it always has, the wimmen +will 'tend to it." + +And I own I was kinder lost and by the side of myself when I asked the +question--and very anxious to break up the enterprise or I shouldn't +have put the question to him. + +For I well knew jest as he did that wimmen wuz most always the ones to +go ahead in church and charitable enterprises. And especially now, for +there wuz a hardness arozen amongst the male men of the meetin' house, +and they wouldn't do a thing they could help (but of this more anon and +bimeby). + +There wuz two or three old males in the meetin' house, too old to get +mad and excited easy, that held firm, and two very pious old male +brothers, but poor, very poor, had to be supported by the meetin' house, +and lame. They stood firm, or as firm as they could on such legs as +theirs wuz, inflammatory rheumatiz and white swellin's and such. + +But all the rest had got their feelin's hurt, and got mad, etc., and +wouldn't do a thing to help the meetin' house along. + +Well, I tried every lawful, and mebby a little on-lawful way to break +this enterprise of theirs up--and, as I heern afterwards, so did Sister +Henzy. + +Sister Sypher is so wrapped up in Deacon Sypher that she would embrace a +buzz saw mill or any other enterprise he could bring to bear onto her. + +"She would be perfectly willin' to be trompled on," so she often sez, +"if Deacon Sypher wuz to do the tromplin'." + +Some sez he duz. + +Wall, in spite of all my efforts, and in spite of all Sister Henzy's +efforts, our deacons seemed to jest flourish on this skeme of theirn. +And when we see it wuz goin' to be a sure thing, even Sister Sypher +begin to feel bad. + +She told Albina Widrig, and Albina told Miss Henn, and Miss Henn told +me, that "what to do she didn't know, it would deprive her of so much of +the deacon's society." It wuz goin' to devour so much of his time that +she wuz afraid she couldn't stand it. She told Albina in confidence (and +Albina wouldn't want it told of, nor Miss Henn, nor I wouldn't) that she +had often been obleeged to go out into the lot between breakfast and +dinner to see the deacon, not bein' able to stand it without lookin' on +his face till dinner time. + +And when she was laid up with a lame foot it wuz known that the deacon +left his plowin' and went up to the house, or as fur as the door step, +four or five times in the course of a mornin's work, it wuz spozed +because she wuz fearful of forgettin' how he looked before noon. + +She is a dretful admirin' woman. + +She acts dretful reverential and admirin' towards men--always calls +her husband "the Deacon," as if he was the one lonely deacon who was +perambulatin' the globe at this present time. And it is spozed that +when she dreams about him she dreams of him as "the Deacon," and not as +Samuel (his given name is Samuel). + +[Illustration: "THE INITIALS STOOD FOR 'MISS DEACON SYPHER.'"] + +But we don't know that for certain. We only spoze it. For the land of +dreams is a place where you can't slip on your sun-bonnet and foller +neighbor wimmen to see what they are a-doin' or what they are a-sayin' +from hour to hour. + +No, the best calculator on gettin' neighborhood news can't even look +into that land, much less foller a neighborin' female into it. + +No, their barks have got to be moored outside of them mysterious shores. + +But, as I said, this had been spozen. + +But it is known from actual eyesight that she marks all her sheets, and +napkins, and piller-cases, and such, "M. D. S." And I asked her one day +what the M. stood for, for I 'spozed, of course, the D. S. stood for +Drusillia Sypher. + +And she told me with a real lot of dignity that the initials stood for +"Miss Deacon Sypher." + +Wall, the Jonesville men have been in the habit of holdin' her up as a +pattern to their wives for some time, and the Jonesville wimmen +hain't hated her so bad as you would spoze they all would under +the circumstances, on account, we all think, of her bein' such a +good-hearted little creeter. We all like Drusilly and can't help it. + +Wall, even she felt bad and deprested on account of her Deacon's goin' +into the buzz saw-mill business. + +But she didn't say nothin', only wept out at one side, and wiped up +every time he came in sight. + +They say that she hain't never failed once of a-smilin' on the Deacon +every time he came home. And once or twice he has got as mad as a hen at +her for smilin'. Once, when he came home with a sore thumb--he had jest +smashed it in the barn door--and she stood a-smilin' at him on the door +step, there are them that say the Deacon called her a "infernal fool." + +But I never have believed it. I don't believe he would demean himself so +low. + +But he yelled out awful at her, I do 'spoze, for his pain wuz intense, +and she stood stun still, a-smilin' at him, jest accordin' to the story +books. And he sez: + +"Stand there like a----fool, will you! Get me a _rag!_" + +I guess he did say as much as that. + +But they say she kept on a-smilin' for some time--couldn't seem to +stop, she had got so hardened into that way. + +[Illustration: "ONCE, WHEN HER FACE WUZ ALL SWELLED UP, SHE SMILED AT +HIM."] + +And once, when her face wuz all swelled up with the toothache, she +smiled at him accordin' to rule when he got home, and they say the +effect wuz fearful, both on her looks and the Deacon's acts. They say he +was mad again, and called her some names. But as a general thing they +get along first rate, I guess, or as well as married folks in general, +and he makes a good deal of her. + +I guess they get along without any more than the usual amount of +difficulties between husbands and wives, and mebby with less. I know +this, anyway, that she just about worships the Deacon. + +Wall, as I say, it was the very day that these three deacons went to +Loontown to meet Deacon Keeler and Deacon Huffer, to have a conference +together as to the interests of the buzz saw mill that I first heard +the news that wimmen wuz goin' to make a effort to set on the Methodist +Conference, and the way I heerd on't wuz as follows: + +Josiah Allen brought home to me that night a paper that one of the +foreign deacons, Deacon Keeler, had lent him. It contained a article +that wuz wrote by Deacon Keeler's son, Casper Keeler--a witherin' +article about wimmen's settin' on the Conference. It made all sorts of +fun of the projeck. + +We found out afterwards that Casper Keeler furnished nearly all the +capital for the buzz saw mill enterprise at his father's urgent request. +His father, Deacon Keeler, didn't have a cent of money of his own; it +fell onto Casper from his mother and aunt. They had kept a big millinery +store in the town of Lyme, and a branch store in Loontown, and wuz great +workers, and had laid up a big property. And when they died, the aunt, +bein' a maiden woman at the time, the money naturally fell onto Casper. +He wuz a only child, and they had brung him up tender, and fairly +worshipped him. + +They left him all the money, but left a anuety to be paid yearly to his +father, Deacon Keeler, enough to support him. + +The Deacon and his wife had always lived happy together--she loved to +work, and he loved to have her work, so they had similar tastes, and wuz +very congenial--and when she died he had the widest crape on his hat +that wuz ever seen in the town of Lyme. (The crape was some she had left +in the shop.) + +He mourned deep, both in his crape and his feelin's, there hain't a +doubt of that. + +Wall, Miss Keelerses will provided money special for Casper to be +educated high. So he went to school and to college, from the time he was +born, almost. So he knew plenty of big words, and used 'em fairly lavish +in this piece. There wuz words in it of from six to seven syllables. +Why, I hadn't no idee till I see 'em with my own eye, that there wuz +any such words in the English language, and words of from four to six +syllables wuz common in it. + +His father, Deacon Keeler, wouldn't give the paper to my companion, he +thought so much of it, but he offered to lend it to him, because he said +he felt that the idees it promulgated wuz so sound and deep they ought +to be disseminated abroad. + +The idees wuz, "that wimmen hadn't no business to set on the Conference. +She wuz too weak to set on it. It wuz too high a place for her too +ventur' on, or to set on with any ease. There wuzn't no more than room +up there for what men would love to set on it. Wimmen's place wuz in the +sacred precinks of home. She wuz a tender, fragile plant, that needed +guardin' and guidin' and kep by man's great strength and tender care +from havin' any cares and labors whatsoever and wheresoever and +howsumever." + +Josiah said it wuz a masterly dockument. And it wuz writ well. It +painted in wild, glarin' colors the fear that men had that wimmen would +strain themselves to do anything at all in the line of work--or would +weaken her hull constitution, and lame her moral faculties, and ruin +herself by tryin' to set up on a Conference, or any other high and +tottlin' eminence. + +The piece wuz divided into three different parts, with a headin' in big +letters over each one. + +The _first_ wuz, wimmen to have no labors and cares WHATSOEVER; + +_Secondly_, NONE WHERESOEVER; + +_Thirdly_, NONE HOWSUMEVER. + +The writer then proceeded to say that he would show first, _what_ cares +and labors men wuz willin' and anxious to ward offen women. And he +proved right out in the end that there wuzn't a thing that they wanted +wimmen to do--not a single thing. + +Then he proceeded to tell _where_ men wuz willin' to keep their labors +and cares offen wimmen. And he proved it right out that it wuz every +_where_. In the home, the little sheltered, love-guarded home of the +farmer, the mechanic and the artizen (makin' special mention of the buzz +sawyers). And also in the palace walls and the throne. There and every +_where_ men would fain shelter wimmen from every care, and every labor, +even the lightest and slightest. + +Then lastly came the _howsumever_. He proceeded to show _how_ this could +be done. And he proved it right out (or thought he did) that the first +great requisit' to accomplish all this, wuz to keep wimmen in her +place. Keep her from settin' on the Conference, and all other tottlin' +eminences, fitted only for man's stalwart strength. + +And the end of the article wuz so sort of tragick and skairful that +Josiah wept when he read it. He pictured it out in such strong colors, +the danger there wuz of puttin' wimmen, or allowin' her to put herself +in such a high and percipitous place, such a skairful and dangerous +posture as settin' up on a Conference. + +[Illustration: "JOSIAH WEPT WHEN HE READ IT."] + +"To have her set up on it," sez the writer, in conclusion, "would +endanger her life, her spiritual, her mental and her moral growth. It +would shake the permanency of the sacred home relations to its downfall. +It would hasten anarchy, and he thought sizm." Why, Josiah Allen +handled that paper as if it wuz pure gold. I know he asked me anxiously +as he handed it to me to read, "if my hands wuz perfectly clean," and we +had some words about it. + +And till he could pass it on to Deacon Sypher to read he kep it in the +Bible. He put it right over in Galatians, for I looked to see--Second +Galatians. + +And he wrapped it up in a soft handkerchief when he carried it over to +Deacon Sypherses. And Deacon Sypher treasured it like a pearl of great +price (so I spoze) till he could pass it on to Deacon Henzy. + +And Deacon Henzy was to carry it with care to a old male Deacon in Zoar, +bed rid. + +Wall, as I say, that is the very first I had read about their bein' any +idee promulgated of wimmens settin' up on the Conference. + +And I, in spite of Josiah Allen's excitement, wuz in favor on't from the +very first. + +Yes, I wuz awfully in favor of it, and all I went through durin' the +next and ensuin' weeks didn't put the idee out of my head. No, far from +it. It seemed as if the severer my sufferin's wuz, the much more this +idee flourished in my soul. Just as a heavy plow will meller up the soil +so white lilies can take root, or any other kind of sweet posies. + +And oh! my heart! wuz not my sufferin's with Lodema Trumble, a hard plow +and a harrowin' one, and one that turned up deep furrows? + +But of this, more anon and bimeby. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +Wall, it wuz on the very next day--on a Thursday as I remember well, for +I wuz a-thinkin' why didn't Lodema's letter come the next day--Fridays +bein' considered onlucky--and it being a day for punishments, hangin's, +and so forth. + +But it didn't, it came on a Thursday. And my companion had been to +Jonesville and brung me back two letters; he brung 'em in, leavin' the +old mair standin' at the gate, and handed me the letters, ten pounds of +granulated sugar, a pound of tea, and the request I should have supper +on the table by the time that he got back from Deacon Henzy's. + +(On that old buzz-saw business agin, so I spozed, but wouldn't ask.) + +Wall, I told him supper wuz begun any way, and he had better hurry back. +But he wuz belated by reason of Deacon Henzy's bein' away, so I set +there for some time alone. + +Wall, I wuz goin' to have some scolloped oysters for supper, so the +first thing I did wuz to put 'em into the oven--they wuz all ready, I +had scolloped 'em before Josiah come, and got 'em all ready for the +oven--and then I set down and read my letters. + +Wall, the first one I opened wuz from Lodema Trumble, Josiah's cousin on +his own side. And her letter brought the sad and harrowin' intelligence +that she was a-comin' to make us a good long visit. The letter had been +delayed. She was a-comin' that very night, or the next day. Wall, I +sithed deep. I love company dearly, but--oh my soul, is there not a +difference, a difference in visitors? + +Wall, suffice it to say, I sithed deep, and opened the other letter, +thinkin' it would kind o' take my mind off. + +And for all the world! I couldn't hardly believe my eyes. But it wuz! It +wuz from Serena Fogg. It wuz from the Authoress of "Wedlock's Peaceful +Repose." + +I hadn't heard a word from her for upwards of four years. And the letter +brung me startlin' intelligence. + +It opened with the unexpected information that she wuz married. She had +been married three years and a half to a butcher out to the Ohio. + +And I declare my first thought wuz as I read it, "Wall, she has wrote +dretful flowery on wedlock, and its perfect, onbroken calm, and peaceful +repose, and now she has had a realizin' sense of what it really is." + +But when I read a little further, I see what the letter wuz writ for. I +see why, at this late day, she had started up and writ me a letter. I +see it wuz writ on duty. + +She said she had found out that I wuz in the right on't and she wuzn't. +She said that when in the past she had disputed me right up and down, +and insisted that wedlock wuz a state of perfect serenity, never broken +in upon by any cares or vexations whatsomever, she wuz in the wrong +on't. + +She said she had insisted that when anybody had moored their barks into +that haven of wedded life, that they wuz forever safe from any rude +buffetin's from the world's waves; that they wuz exempt from any toil, +any danger, any sorrow, any trials whatsomever. And she had found she +was mistook. + +She said I told her it wuz a first-rate state, and a satisfactory one +for wimmen; but still it had its trials, and she had found it so. She +said that I insisted its serenity wuz sometimes broken in upon, and she +had found it so. The last day at my house had tottled her faith, and her +own married experience had finished the work. Her husband wuz a worthy +man, and she almost worshipped him. But he had a temper, and he raved +round considerable when meals wuzn't ready on time, and she havin' had +two pairs of twins durin' her union (she comes from a family on her +mother's side, so I had hearn before, where twins wuz contagious), she +couldn't always be on the exact minute. She had to work awful hard; this +broke in on her serenity. + +Her husband devotedly loved her, so she said; but still, she said, his +bootjack had been throwed voyalent where corns wuz hit onexpected. + +[Illustration: "FOUR TWINS BROKE IN ALSO ON HER WAVELESS CALM."] + +Their souls wuz mated firm as they could be in deathless ties of +affection and confidence, yet doors _had_ been slammed and oaths +emitted, when clothin' rent and buttons tarried not with him. Strange +actions and demeanors had been displayed in hours of high-headedness and +impatience, which had skaired her almost to death before gettin' +accustomed to 'em. + +The four twins broke in also on her waveless calm. They wuz lovely +cherubs, and the four apples of her eyes. But they did yell at times, +they kicked, they tore round and acted; they made work--lots of work. +And one out of each pair snored. It broke up each span, as you may say. +The snorin' filled each room devoted to 'em. + +_He_ snored, loud. A good man and a noble man he wuz, so she repeated +it, but she found out too late--too late, that he snored. The house wuz +small; she could _not_ escape from snores, turn she where she would. She +got tired out with her work days, and couldn't rest nights. Her husband, +as he wuz doin' such a flourishin' business, had opened a cattle-yard +near the house. She wuz proud of his growin' trade, but the bellerin' +of the cattle disturbed her fearfully. Also the calves bleating and the +lambs callin' on their dams. + +It wuz a long letter, filled with words like these, and it ended up by +saying that for years now she had wanted to write and tell me that I had +been in the right on't and she in the wrong. I had been megum and she +hadn't. And she ended by sayin', "God bless me and adoo." + +[Illustration: THE LECTURE.] + +The fire crackled softly on the clean hearth. The teakettle sung a song +of welcome and cheer. The oysters sent out an agreeable atmosphere. The +snowy table, set out in pretty china and glassware, looked invitin', and +I set there comfortable and happy and so peaceful in my frame, that the +events of the past, in which Serena Fogg had flourished, seemed but as +yesterday. + +I thought it all over, that pleasant evenin' in the past, when Josiah +Allen had come in unexpected, and brung the intelligence to me that +there wuz goin' to be a lectur' give that evenin' by a young female at +the Jonesville school-house, and beset me to go. + +And I give my consent. Then my mind travelled down that pleasant road, +moongilded, to the school-house. It stopped on the door-step while +Josiah hitched the mair. + +We found the school-house crowded full, fur a female lecturer wuz a +rarity, and she wuz a pretty girl, as pretty a girl as I ever see in my +life. + +And it wuz a pretty lecture, too, dretful pretty. The name of the +lecture wuz, "Wedlock's Peaceful and Perfect Repose." + +A pretty name, I think, and it wuz a beautiful lecture, very, and +extremely flowery. It affected some of the hearers awfully; they wuz +all carried away with it. Josiah Allen wept like a child durin' the +rehearsin' of it. I myself didn't weep, but I enjoyed it, some of it, +first rate. + +I can't begin to tell it all as she did, 'specially after this length of +time, in such a lovely, flowery way, but I can probably give a few of +the heads of it. + +It hain't no ways likely that I can give the heads half the stylish, +eloquent look that she did as she held 'em up, but I can jest give the +bare heads. + +She said that there had been a effort made in some directions to try to +speak against the holy state of matrimony. The papers had been full of +the subject, "Is Marriage a Failure, or is it not?" + +She had even read these dreadful words--"Marriage is a Failure." She +hated these words, she despised 'em. And while some wicked people spoke +against this holy institution, she felt it to be her duty, as well as +privilege, to speak in its praise. + +I liked it first rate, I can tell you, when she went on like that. For +no living soul can uphold marriage with a better grace that can she +whose name vuz once Smith. + +I _love_ Josiah Allen, I am _glad_ that I married him. But at the same +time, my almost devoted love doesn't make me blind. I can see on every +side of a subject, and although, as I said heretofore, and prior, I love +Josiah Allen, I also love megumness, and I could not fully agree with +every word she said. + +But she went on perfectly beautiful--I didn't wonder it brought the +school-house down--about the holy calm and perfect rest of marriage, and +how that calm wuz never invaded by any rude cares. + +How man watched over the woman he loved; how he shielded her from every +rude care; kept labor and sorrow far, far from her; how woman's life wuz +like a oneasy, roarin', rushin' river, that swept along discontented and +onsatisfied, moanin' and lonesome, until it swept into the calm sea of +Repose--melted into union with the grand ocian of Rest, marriage. + +And then, oh! how calm and holy and sheltered wuz that state! How +peaceful, how onruffled by any rude changes! Happiness, Peace, Calm! Oh, +how sweet, how deep wuz the ocian of True Love in which happy, united +souls bathed in blissful repose! + +[Illustration: "HE HAD ON A NEW VEST."] + +It was dretful pretty talk, and middlin' affectin'. There wasn't a dry +eye in Josiah Allen's head, and I didn't make no objection to his givin' +vent to his feelin's, only when I see him bust out a-weepin' I jest +slipped my pocket-handkerchief 'round his neck and pinned it behind. +(His handkerchief wuz in constant use, a cryin' and weepin' as he wuz.) +And I knew that salt water spots black satin awfully. He had on a new +vest. + +Submit Tewksbury cried and wept, and wept and cried, caused by +remembrances, it wuz spozed. Of which, more anon, and bimeby. + +And Drusilly Sypher, Deacon Sypherses wife, almost had a spazzum, caused +by admiration and bein' so highly tickled. + +I myself didn't shed any tears, as I have said heretofore. And what kep' +me calmer wuz, I _knew_, I knew from the bottom of my heart, that she +went too fur, she wuzn't megum enough. + +And then she went on to draw up metafors, and haul in illustrations, +comparin' married life and single--jest as likely metafors as I ever +see, and as good illustrations as wuz ever brung up, only they every one +of 'em had this fault--when she got to drawin' 'em, she drawed 'em too +fur. And though she brought the school-house down, she didn't convince +me. + +[Illustration: "I MYSELF DIDN'T SHED ANY TEARS."] + +Once she compared single life to a lonely goose travellin' alone acrost +the country, 'cross lots, lonesome and despairin', travellin' along +over a thorny way, and desolate, weighed down by melancholy and gloomy +forebodin's, and takin' a occasional rest by standin' up on one cold +foot and puttin' its weery head under its wing, with one round eye +lookin' out for dangers that menaced it, and lookin', also, perhaps, for +a possible mate, for the comin' gander--restless, wobblin', oneasy, +miserable. + +Why, she brought the school-house down, and got the audience all wrought +up with pity, and sympathy. Oh, how Submit Tewksbury did weep; she wept +aloud (she had been disappointed, but of this more bimeby). + +And then she went on and compared that lonesome voyager to two blissful +wedded ones. A pair of white swans floatin' down the waveless calm, +bathed in silvery light, floatin' down a shinin' stream that wuz never +broken by rough waves, bathed in a sunshine that wuz never darkened by a +cloud. + +And then she went on to bring up lots of other things to compare the two +states to--flowery things and sweet, and eloquent. + +She compared single life to quantities of things, strange, weird, +melancholy things, and curius. Why, they wuz so powerful that every one +of 'em brought the school-house down. + +And then she compared married life to two apple blossoms hangin' +together on one leafy bough on the perfumed June air, floatin' back and +forth under the peaceful benediction of summer skies. + +And she compared it to two white lambs gambolin' on the velvety +hill-side. To two strains of music meltin' into one dulcet harmony, +perfect, divine harmony, with no discordant notes. + +Josiah hunched me, he wanted me to cry there, at that place, but I +wouldn't. He did, he cried like an infant babe, and I looked close and +searchin' to see if my handkerchief covered up all his vest. + +He didn't seem to take no notice of his clothes at all, he wuz a-weepin' +so--why, the whole schoolhouse wept, wept like a babe. + +But I didn't. I see it wuz a eloquent and powerful effort. I see it was +beautiful as anything could be, but it lacked that one thing I have +mentioned prior and before this time. It lacked megumness. + +I knew they wuz all impressive and beautful illustrations, I couldn't +deny it, and I didn't want to deny it. But I knew in my heart that the +lonely goose that she had talked so eloquent about, I knew that though +its path might be tegus the most of the time, yet occasionally it +stepped upon velvet grass and blossomin' daisies. And though the happy +wedded swans floated considerable easy a good deal of the time, yet +occasionally they had their wings rumpled by storms, thunder storms, +sudden squalls, and et cetery, et cetery. + +And I knew the divine harmony of wedded love, though it is the sweetest +that earth affords, I knew that, and my Josiah knew it--the very +sweetest and happiest strains that earthly lips can sing. + +Yet I knew that it wuz both heavenly sweet, and divinely sad, blended +discord and harmony. I knew there wuz minor chords in it, as well as +major, I knew that we must await love's full harmony in heaven. There +shall we sing it with the pure melody of the immortals, my Josiah and +me. But I am a eppisodin', and to continue and resoom. + +Wall, we wuz invited to meet the young female after the lecture wuz +over, to be introduced to her and talk it over. + +She wuz the Methodist minister's wive's cousin, and the minister's wife +told me she wuz dretful anxious to get my opinion on the lecture. I +spoze she wanted to get the opinion of one of the first wimmen of the +day. For though I am fur from bein' the one that ort to mention it, I +have heard of such things bein' said about me all round Jonesville, and +as far as Loontown and Shackville. And so, I spoze, she wanted to get +hold of my opinion. + +Wall, I wuz introduced to her, and I shook hands with her, and kissed +her on both cheeks, for she is a sweet girl and I liked her looks. + +I could see that she was very, VERY sentimental, but she had a sweet, +confidin', innocent look to her, and I give her a good kissin' and I +meant it. When I like a person, I _do_ like 'em, and visy-versey. + +But at the same time my likin' for a person mustn't be strong enough to +overthrow my principles. And when she asked me in her sweet axents, "How +I liked her lecture, and if I could see any faults in it?" I leaned up +against Duty, and told her, "I liked it first-rate, but I couldn't agree +with every word of it." + +Here Josiah Allen give me a look sharp enough to take my head clear off, +if looks could behead anybody. But they can't. + +And I kept right on, calm and serene, and sez I, "It wuz very full of +beautiful idees, as full of 'em as a rose-bush is full of sweetness in +June, but," says I, "if I speak at all I must tell the truth, and I must +say that while your lecture is as sweet and beautiful a effort as I ever +see tackled, full of beautiful thoughts, and eloquence, still I must say +that in my opinion it lacked one thing, it wuzn't mean enough." + +"Mean enough?" sez she. "What do you mean?" + +"Why," sez I, "I mean, mean temperature, you know, middleinness, +megumness, and whatever you may call it; you go too fur." + +She said with a modest look "that she guessed she didn't, she guessed +she didn't go too far." + +And Josiah Allen spoke up, cross as a bear, and, sez he, "I know she +didn't. She didn't say a word that wuzn't gospel truth." + +Sez I, "Married life is the happiest life in my opinion; that is, when +it is happy. Some hain't happy, but at the same time the happiest of 'em +hain't _all_ happiness." + +"It is," sez Josiah (cross and surly), "it is, too." + +[Illustration: "YOU GO TOO FUR."] + +And Serena Fogg said, gently, that she thought I wuz mistaken, "she +thought it wuz." And Josiah jined right in with her and said: + +"He _knew_ it wuz, and he would take his oath to it." + +But I went right on, and, sez I, "Mebby it is in one sense the most +peaceful; that is, when the affections are firm set and stabled it makes +'em more peaceful than when they are a-traipsin' round and a-wanderin'. +But," sez I, "marriage hain't _all_ peace." + +Sez Josiah: "It is, and I'll swear to it." + +Sez I, goin' right on, cool and serene, "The sunshine of true love gilds +the pathway with the brightest radiance we know anything about, but it +hain't all radiance." + +"Yes, it is," sez Josiah, firmly, "it is, every mite of it." + +And Serena Fogg sez, tenderly and amiably, "Yes, I think Mr. Allen is +right; I think it is." + +"Wall," sez I, in meanin' axcents, awful meanin', "when you are married +you will change your opinion, you mark my word." + +And she said, gently, but persistently, "That she guessed she shouldn't; +she guessed she was in the right of it." + +Sez I, "You think when anybody is married they have got beyend all +earthly trials, and nothin' but perfect peace and rest remains?" + +And she sez, gently, "Yes, mem!" + +"Why," sez I, "I am married, and have been for upwards of twenty years, +and I think I ought to know somethin' about it; and how can it be called +a state of perfect rest, when some days I have to pass through as many +changes as a comet, and each change a tegus one. I have to wabble round +and be a little of everything, and change sudden, too. + +"I have to be a cook, a step-mother, a housemaid, a church woman, a wet +nurse (lots of times I have to wade out in the damp grass to take care +of wet chickens and goslins). I have to be a tailoress, a dairy-maid, +a literary soarer, a visitor, a fruit-canner, a adviser, a soother, a +dressmaker, a hostess, a milliner, a gardener, a painter, a surgeon, a +doctor, a carpenter, a woman, and more'n forty other things. + +"Marriage is a first-rate state, and agreeable a good deal of the time; +but it haint a state of perfect peace and rest, and you'll find out it +haint if you are ever married." + +But Miss Fogg said, mildly, "that she thought I wuz mistaken--she +thought it wuz." + +"You do?" sez I. + +"Yes, mem," sez she. + +I got up, and sez I, "Come, Josiah, I guess we had better be a-goin'." +I thought it wouldn't do no good to argue any more with her, and Josiah +started off after the mair. He had hitched it on the barn floor. + +She didn't seem willin' to have me go; she seemed to cling to me. She +seemed to be a good, affectionate little creetur. And she said she would +give anything almost if she could rehearse the hull lecture over to me, +and have me criticise it. Sez she: + +"I have heard so much about you, and what a happy home you have." + +"Yes," sez I, "it is as happy as the average of happy homes, any way." + +And sez she, "I have heard that you and your husband wuz just devoted to +each other." And I told her "that our love for each other wuz like two +rocks that couldn't be moved." + +And she said, "On these very accounts she fairly hankered after my +advice and criticism. She said she hadn't never lived in any house where +there wuz a livin' man, her father havin' died several months before she +was born; and she hadn't had the experience that I had, and she presumed +that I could give her several little idees that she hadn't thought on." + +And I told her calmly "that I presumed I could." + +It seemed that her father died two months after marriage, right in the +midst of the mellow light of the honeymoon, before he had had time to +drop the exstatic sweetness of courtship and newly-married bliss and +come down into the ordinary, everyday, good and bad demeanors of men. + +And she had always lived with her mother (who naturally worshipped +and mentally knelt before the memory of her lost husband) and three +sentimental maiden aunts. And they had drawed all their knowledge of +manhood from Moore's poems and Solomon's Songs. So Serena Fogg's idees +of men and married life wuz about as thin and as well suited to stand +the wear and tear of actual experience as a gauze dress would be to face +a Greenland winter in. + +And so, after considerable urgin' on her part (for I kinder hung back +and hated to tackle the job, but not knowin' but that it wuz duty's +call), I finally consented, and it wuz arranged this way: + +She wuz to come down to our house some day, early in the mornin', and +stay all day, and she wuz to stand up in front of me and rehearse the +lecture over to me, and I wuz to set and hear it, and when she came to a +place where I didn't agree with her I wuz to lift up my right hand and +she wuz to stop rehearsin', and we wuz to argue with each other back and +forth and try to convince each other. + +And when we got it all arranged Josiah and I set out for home, I calm in +my frame, though dreadin' the job some. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +But Josiah Allen wuz jest crazy over that lecture--crazy as a loon. He +raved about it all the way home, and he would repeat over lots of it +to me. About "how a man's love was the firm anchor that held a woman's +happiness stiddy; how his calm and peaceful influence held her mind in +a serene calm--a waveless repose; how tender men wuz of the fair sect, +how they watched over 'em and held 'em in their hearts." + +"Oh," sez he, "it went beyond anything I ever heard of. I always knew +that men wuz good and pious, but I never realized how dumb pious they +wuz till to-night" + +"She said," sez I, in considerable dry axents--not so dry as I keep by +me, but pretty dry--"No true man would let a woman perform any manuel +labor." + +"Wall, he won't. There ain't no need of your liftin' your little finger +in emanuel labor." + +"Manuel, Josiah." + +"Wall, I said so, didn't I? Hain't I always holdin' you back from work?" + +"Yes," sez I. "You often speak of it, Josiah. You are as good," sez I, +firmly, "full as good as the common run of men, and I think a little +better. But there are things that have to be done. A married woman that +has a house and family to see to and don't keep a hired girl, can't get +along without some work and care." + +"Wall I say," sez he, "that there hain't no need of you havin' a care, +not a single care. Not as long as I live--if it wuzn't for me, you might +have some cares, and most probable would, but not while I live." + +I didn't say nothin' back, for I don't want to hurt his feelin's, and +won't, not if I can help it. And he broke out again anon, or nearly +anon-- + +[Illustration: "OH, WHAT A LECTURE THAT WUZ."] + +"Oh, what a lecture that wuz. Did you notice when she wuz goin' on +perfectly beautiful, about the waveless sea of married life--did you +notice how it took the school house down? And I wuz perfectly mortified +to see you didn't weep or even clap your hands." + +"Wall," sez I, firmly, "when I weep or when I clap, I weep and clap +on the side of truth. And I can't see things as she duz. I have been +a-sailin' on that sea she depictured for over twenty years, and have +never wanted to leave it for any other waters. But, as I told her, and +tell you now, it hain't always a smooth sea, it has its ups and downs, +jest like any other human states." + +Sez I, soarin' up a very little ways, not fur, for it wuz too cold, and +I was too tired, "There hain't but one sea, Josiah Allen, that is calm +forever, and one day we will float upon it, you and me. It is the sea +by which angels walk and look down into its crystal depths, and behold +their blessed faces. It is the sea on whose banks the fadeless lilies +blow--and that mirrors the soft, cloudless sky of the Happy Morning. It +is the sea of Eternal Repose, that rude blasts can never blow up into +billows. But our sea--the sea of married life--is not like that, it is +ofttimes billowy and rough." + +"I say it hain't," sez he, for he was jest carried away with the +lecture, and enthused. "We have had a happy time together, Josiah Allen, +for over twenty years, but has our sea of life always been perfectly +smooth?" + +"Yes, it has; smooth as glass." + +"Hain't there never been a cloud in our sky?" + +"No, there hain't; not a dumb cloud." + +Sez I, sternly, "There has in mine. Your wicked and profane swearin' has +cast many and many a cloud over my sky, and I'd try to curb in my tongue +if I was in your place." + +"'Dumb' hain't swearin'," sez he. And then he didn't say nothin' more +till anon, or nearly at that time, he broke out agin, and sez he: + +"Never, never did I hear or see such eloquence till to-night I'll have +that girl down to our house to stay a week, if I'm a living Josiah +Allen." + +"All right," sez I, cheerfully. "I'd love to have her stay a week or +ten days, and I'll invite her, too, when she comes down to rehearse her +lecture." + +Wall we got home middlin' tired, and the subject kinder dropped down, +and Josiah had lots of work come on the next day, and so did I, and +company. And it run along for over a week before she come. And when she +did come, it wuz in a dreadful bad time. It seems as if she couldn't +have come in a much worse time. + +It wuz early one mornin', not more than nine o'clock, if it wuz that. +There had come on a cold snap of weather unexpected, and Josiah wuz +a-bringin' in the cook stove from the summer kitchen, when she come. + +Josiah Allen is a good man. He is my choice out of a world full of men, +but I can't conceal it from myself that his words at such a time are +always voyalent, and his demeanor is not the demeanor that I would wish +to have showed off to the public. + +He wuz at the worst place, too. He had got the stove wedged into the +entry-way door, and couldn't get it either way. He had acted awkward +with it, and I told him so, and he see it when it wuz too late. + +He had got it fixed in such a way that he couldn't get into the kitchen +himself without gettin' over the stove, and I, in the course of duty, +thought it wuz right to tell him that if he had heerd to me he wouldn't +have been in such a fix. Oh! the voyalence and frenzy of his demeanor as +he stood there a-hollerin'. I wuz out in the wood-house shed a-bilin' my +cider apple sass in the big cauldron kettle, but I heard the racket, +and as I come a-runnin' in I thought I heard a little rappin' at the +settin'-room door, but I didn't notice it much, I wuz that agitated to +see the way the stove and Josiah wuz set and wedged in. + +There the stove wuz, wedged firm into the doorway, perfectly sot there. +There wuz sut all over the floor, and there stood Josiah Allen, on the +wood-house side, with his coat off, his shirt all covered with black, +and streaks of black all over his face. And oh! how wild and almost +frenzied his attitude wuz as he stood there as if he couldn't move nor +be moved no more than the stove could. And oh! the voyalence of the +language he hurled at me acrost that stove. + +"Why," sez I, "you must come in here, Josiah Allen, and pull it from +this side." + +And then he hollered at me, and asked me: + +"How in thunder he was a goin' to _get_ in." And then he wanted to know +"if I wanted him squshed into jelly by comin' in by the side of it--or +if I thought he wuz a crane, that he could step over it or a stream +of water that he could run under it, or what else do you think?" He +hollered wildly. + +"Wall," sez I, "you hadn't ort to got it fixed in that shape. I told +you what end to move first," sez I. "You have moved it in side-ways. It +would go in all right if you had started it the other way." + +"Oh, yes! It would have been all right. You love to see me, Samantha, +with a stove in my arms. You love it dearly. I believe you would be +perfectly happy if you could see me a luggin' round stoves every day. +But I'll tell you one thing, if this dumb stove is ever moved either way +out of this door--if I ever get it into a room agin, it never shall +be stirred agin so much as a hair's breadth--not while I have got the +breath of life in me." + +Sez I, "Hush! I hear somebody a-knockin' at the door." + +"I won't hush. It is nothin' but dumb foolishness a movin' round stoves, +and if anybody don't believe it let 'em look at me--and let 'em look at +that stove set right here in the door as firm as a rock." + +[Illustration: "WON'T YOU BE STILL?"] + +Sez I agin in a whisper, "Do be still, and I'll let 'em in, I don't want +them to ketch you a talkin' so and a-actin'." "Wall, I want 'em to +ketch me, that is jest what I want 'em to do. If it is a man he'll say +every word I say is Gospel truth, and if it is a woman it will make her +perfectly happy to see me a-swelterin' in the job--seven times a year do +I have to move this stove back and forth--and I say it is high time I +said a word. So you can let 'em in just as quick as you are a mind to." + +Sez I, a whisperin' and puttin' my finger on my lip: + +"Won't you be still?" + +"No, I won't be still!" he yelled out louder than ever. "And you may go +through all the motions you want to and you can't stop me. All you have +got to do is to walk round and let folks in, happy as a king. Nothin' +under the heavens ever made a woman so happy as to have some man +a-breakin' his back a-luggin' round a stove." + +I see he wouldn't stop, so I had to go and open the door, and there +stood Serena Fogg, there stood the author of "Wedlock's Peaceful +Repose." I felt like a fool. For I knew she had heard every word, I see +she had by her looks. She looked skairt, and as surprised and sort o' +awe-stricken as if she had seen a ghost. I took her into the parlor, and +took her things, and I excused myself by tellin' her that I should have +to be out in the kitchen a-tendin' to things for a spell, and went back +to Josiah. + +And I whispered to him, sez I: "Miss Fogg has come, and she has heard +every word you have said, Josiah Allen. And what will she think now +about Wedlock's Peaceful Repose?" + +But he had got that wild and reckless in his demeanor and acts, that +he went right on with his hollerin', and, sez he, "She won't find much +repose here to-day, and I'll tell her that. This house has got to be all +tore to pieces to get that stove started." + +Sez I, "There won't be nothin' to do only to take off one side of the +door casin'. And I believe it can be done without that." + +"Oh, you believe! you believe! You'd better take holt and lug and lift +for two hours as I have, and then see." + +Sez I, "You hain't been here more'n ten minutes, if you have that. And +there," sez I, liftin' up one end a little, "see what anybody can do who +is calm. There I have stirred it, and now you can move it right along." +"Oh, _you_ did it! I moved it myself." + +I didn't contend, knowin' it wuz men's natural nater to say that. + +[Illustration: "AND HE SAID I HAD RUBBED 'EM OUT."] + +Wall, at last Josiah got the stove in, but then the stove-pipe wouldn't +go together, it wouldn't seem to fit. He had marked the joints with +chalk, and the marks had rubbed off, and he said I had "rubbed 'em out." +I wuz just as innocent as a babe, but I didn't dispute him much, for I +see a little crack open in the parlor door, and I knew the author of +"Wedlock's Peaceful Repose" was a-listenin'. + +But when he told me for the third time that I rubbed 'em out on purpose +to make him trouble, and that I had made a practice of rubbin' 'em out +for years and years--why, then I _had_ to correct him on the subject, +and we had a little dialogue. + +I spoze Serena Fogg heard it. But human nater can't bear only just so +much, especially when it has stoves a dirtien up the floor, and apple +sass on its mind, and unexpected company, and no cookin' and a threshin' +machine a-comin'. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + +Never knew a word about the threshin' machine a-comin' till about half +an hour before. Josiah Allen wuzn't to blame. It come just as onexpected +onto him as it did onto me. + +Solomon Gowdey wuz a-goin' to have 'em first, which would have left me +ample time to cook up for 'em. But he wuz took down bed sick, so they +had to come right onto us with no warnin' previous and beforehand. + +They wuz a drivin' up just as Josiah got the stove-pipe up. They had to +go right by the side of the house, right by the parlor winders, to get +to the side of the barn where they wanted to thresh; and just as they +wuz a-goin' by one of the horses got down, and of all the yellin' I ever +heard that was the cap sheaf. + +Steve Yerden is rough on his horses, dretful rough. He yells at 'em +enough to raise the ruff. His threshin' machine is one of the kind where +the horses walk up and look over the top. It is kinder skairful any way, +and it made it as bad agin when you expected to see the horse fall out +every minute. + +Wall, that very horse fell out of the machine three times that day. It +wuz a sick horse, I believe, and hadn't ort to have been worked. But +three times it fell, and each time the yellin' wuz such that it skairt +the author of "Peaceful Repose," and me, almost to death. + +The machine wuz in plain sight of the house, and every time we see the +horse's head come a mountin' up on top of the machine, we expected that +over it would go. But though it didn't fall out only three times, as I +said, it kep' us all nerved up and uneasy the hull of the time expectin' +it. And Steve Yerden kep' a-yellin' at his horses all the time; there +wuzn't no comfort to be took within a mile of him. + +I wuz awful sorry it happened so, on her account. + +[Illustration: "IT DIDN'T FALL OUT ONLY THREE TIMES."] + +Wall, I had to get dinner for nine men, and cook if all from the very +beginnin'. If you'll believe it, I had to begin back to bread. I hadn't +any bread in the house, but I had it a-risin', and I got two loaves out +by dinner time. But I had to stir round lively, I can tell you, to make +pies and cookies and fried cakes, and cook meat, and vegetables of all +kinds. + +The author of "Wedlock's Peaceful Repose" came out into the kitchen. I +told her she might, if she wanted to, for I see I wuzn't goin' to have a +minute's time to go into the parlor and visit with her. + +She looked pretty sober and thoughtful, and I didn't know as she liked +it, to think I couldn't do as I promised to do, accordin' to agreement, +to hear her lecture, and lift my hand up when I differed from her. + +But, good land! I couldn't help it. I couldn't get a minute's time to +lift my hand up. I could have heard the lecture, but I couldn't spare my +hands. + +And then Josiah would come a-rushin' in after one thing and another, +actin' as was natural, accordin' to the nater of man, more like a wild +man than a Christian Methodist. For he was so wrought up and excited by +havin' so much on his hands to do, and the onexpectedness of it, that he +couldn't help actin' jest as he did act. I don't believe he could. And +then Steve Yerden is enough to distract a leather-man, any way. + +[Illustration: "TO FIND A PIECE OF OLD ROPE TO TIE UP THE HARNESS."] + +Twice I had to drop everything and find cloths to do up the horse's +legs, where it had grazed 'em a-fallin' out of the machine. And once I +took my hands out of the pie-crust to find a piece of old rope to tie up +the harness. It seemed as if I left off every five minutes to wait on +Josiah Allen, to find somethin' that he wanted and couldn't find, or +else to do somethin' for him that he couldn't do. + +Truly, it was a wild and harrowin' time, and tegus. But I kept a firm +holt of my principles, and didn't groan--not when anybody could hear me. +I won't deny that I did, out in the buttery by myself, give vent to a +groan or two, and a few sithes. But immegiately, or a very little after, +I was calm again. + +Wall, worse things wuz a-comin' onto me, though I didn't know it. I owed +a tin peddler; had been owin' him for four weeks. I owed him twenty-five +pounds of paper rags, for a new strainer. I had been expectin' him for +over three weeks every day. But in all the three hundred and sixty-five +days of the year, there wuzn't another day that would satisfy him; he +had got to come on jest that day, jest as I wuz fryin' my nut cakes for +dinner. + +I tried to put him off till another day. But no! He said it wuz his last +trip, and he must have his rags. And so I had to put by my work, and lug +down my rag-bag. His steel-yards wuz broke, so he had to weigh 'em in +the house. It wuz a tegus job, for he wuz one of the perticuler kind, +and had to look 'em all over before he weighed 'em, and pick out every +little piece of brown paper, or full cloth--everything, he said, that +wouldn't make up into the nicest kind of writin' paper. + +And my steel-yards wuz out of gear any way, so they wouldn't weigh but +five pounds at a time, and he wuz dretful perticuler to have 'em just +right by the notch. + +And he would call on me to come and see just how the steel-yards stood +every time. (He wuz as honest as the day; I hain't a doubt of it.) + +But it wuz tegus, fearful tegus, and excitin'. Excitin', but not +exhileratin', to have the floor all covered with rags of different +shapes and sizes, no two of a kind. It wuz a curius time before he come, +and a wild time, but what must have been the wildness, and the curosity +when there wuz, to put a small estimate on it, nearly a billion of crazy +lookin' rags scattered round on the floor. + +[Illustration: "SHE LOOKED CURIUS, CURIUSER THAN THE FLOOR LOOKED."] + +But I kep' calm; I have got giant self-control, and I used every mite of +it, every atom of control I had by me, and kep' calm. I see I must--for +I see that Miss Fogg looked bad; yes, I see that the author of +"Wedlock's Peaceful Repose" wuz pretty much used up. She looked curius, +curiuser than the floor looked, and that is goin' to the complete end of +curosity, and metafor. + +Wall, I tussled along and got dinner ready. The tin peddler had to stay +to dinner, of course. I couldn't turn him out jest at dinner time. And +sometimes I almost think that he delayed matters and touzled 'round +amongst them rags jest a purpose to belate himself, so he would have to +stay to dinner. + +I am called a good cook. It is known 'way out beyend Loontown and +Zoar--it is talked about, I spoze. Wall, he stayed to dinner. But he +only made fourteen; there wuz only thirteen besides him, so I got along. +And I had a good dinner and enough of it. + +I had to wait on the table, of course--that is, the tea and coffee. And +I felt that a cup of good, strong tea would be a paneky. I wuz that wore +out and flustrated that I felt that I needed a paneky to soothe. + +And I got the rest all waited on and wuz jest a liftin' my cup to my +lips, the cup that cheers everybody but don't inebriate 'em--good, +strong Japan tea with cream in it. Oh, how good it smelt. But I hadn't +fairly got it to my mouth when I wuz called off sudden, before I had +drinked a drop, for the case demanded help at once. + +Miss Peedick had unexpected company come in, jest as they wuz a-settin' +down to the dinner-table, and she hadn't hardly anything for dinner, and +the company wuz very genteel--a minister and a Justice of the Peace--so +she wanted to borrow a loaf of bread and a pie. + +She is a good neighbor and is one that will put herself out for a +neighborin' female, and I went into the buttery, almost on the run, to +get 'em for her, for her girl said she wanted to get 'em into the house +and onto the table before Mr. Peedick come in with 'em from the horse +barn, for they knew that Mr. Peedick would lead 'em out to dinner the +very second they got into the house, and Miss Peedick didn't want her +husband to know that she had borrowed vittles, for he would be sure to +let the cat out of the bag, right at the table, by speakin' about 'em +and comparin' 'em with hern. + +I see the necessity for urgent haste, and the trouble wuz that I hurried +too much. In takin' down a pie in my awful hurry, I tipped over a pan of +milk right onto my dress. It wuz up high and I wuz right under the +shelf, so that about three tea-cupsful went down into my neck. But the +most went onto my dress, about five quarts, I should judge besides that +that wuz tricklin' down my backbone. + +[Illustration: "I SEE THE NECESSITY FOR URGENT HASTE."] + +Wall, I started Serintha Ann Peedick off with her ma's pie and bread, +and then wiped up the floor as well as I could, and then I had to go and +change my clothes. I had to change 'em clear through to my wrapper, for +I wuz wet as sop--as wet as if I had been takin' a milk swim. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + +Wall, the author of "Wedlock's Peaceful Repose" wuz a-waitin' for me to +the table; the men had all got through and gone out. She sot right by +me, and she had missed me, I could see. Her eyes looked bigger than +ever, and more sad like. + +She said, "she was dretful sorry for me," and I believed her. + +She asked me in a awe-stricken tone, "if I had such trials every day?" + +And I told her "No, I didn't." I told her that things would run along +smooth and agreeable for days and days, but that when things got to +happenin', they would happen right along for weeks at a time, sometimes, +dretful curius. A hull batch of difficulties would rain down on anybody +to once. Sez I, "You know Mr. Shakespeare says that' Sorrows never come +a-spyin' along as single fighters, but they come in hull battles of +'em,' or words to that effect." + +Sez I, in reasonable axents, "Mebby I shall have a hull lot of good +things happen to me right along, one after another, some dretful +agreeable days, and easy." + +Sez she in the same sad axents, and wonderin', "Did you ever have +another day in your hull life as hard as this you are a-passin' +through?" + +"Oh, yes," sez I, "lots of'em--some worse ones, and," sez I, "the day +has only jest begun yet, I presume I shall have lots and lots of new +things happen to me before night. Because it is jest as I tell you, when +things get to happenin' there hain't no tellin' when they will ever +stop." + +Miss Fogg groaned, a low, deep groan, and that is every word she said, +only after a little while she spoke up, and sez: + +"You hain't eaten a bit of dinner; it all got cold while you wuz a +changin' your dress." + +"Oh, wall," sez I, "I can get along some way. And I must hurry up and +get the table cleared off any way, and get to my work agin', for I have +got to do a lot of cookin' this afternoon. It takes a sight of pies and +cakes and such to satisfy twelve or a dozen men." + +So I went to work vigorously agin. But well might I tell Miss Fogg "that +the day had only jest begun, and there wuz time for lots of things +to happen before night," for I had only jest got well to work on the +ingregiences of my pies when Submit Tewksbury sent over "to see if I +could let her have them sturchien seeds I had promised her--she wanted +'em to run up the inside of her bedroom winder, and shade her through +the winter. She wuz jest a-settin' out her winter stock of flower roots +and seeds, and wanted 'em immegiatly, and to once, that is, if it was +perfectly convenient," so the boy said. + +Submit is a good creeter, and she wouldn't have put that burden on me on +such a time for nothin', not if she had known my tribulations; but she +didn't, and I felt that one trial more wouldn't, as the poet hath well +said, "either make or break me." + +So I went to huntin' for the seeds. Wall, it wuz a good half-hour before +I could find 'em, for of course it wuz natural nater, accordin' to the +total deprivity of things, that I should find 'em in the bottom of the +last bag of seeds that I overhauled. + +But Submit had been disappointed, and I didn't want to make her burdens +any heavier, so I sent her the sturchien seeds. + +But it wuz a trial I do admit to look over more than forty bags of +garden and flower seeds in such a time as that. But I sent 'em. I sent +Submit the sturchien seeds, and then I laid to work again fast as I +possibly could. + +But I sez to the author of "Peaceful Repose," I sez to her, sez I: + +"I feel bad to think I hain't gettin' no time to hear you rehearse your +lecture, but you can see jest how it is; you see I hain't had a minute's +time today. Mebby I will get a few minutes' time before night; I will +try to," sez I. + +"Oh," sez she, "it hain't no matter about that; I--I--I somehow--I don't +feel like rehearsin' it as it was." Sez she, "I guess I shall make some +changes in it before I rehearse it agin." + +Sez I, "You lay out to make a more mean thing of it, more megum." + +"Yes," sez she, in faint axents, "I am a-thinkin' of it." + +[Illustration: "AS I STARTED FOR THE BUTTERY."] + +"Wall," sez I cheerfully, as I started for the buttery with a pile of +cups in one hand, the castor and pickle dish in the other, and a pile of +napkins under my arm, "I believe I shall like it as well again if you +do, any way," sez I, as I kicked away the cat that wuz a-clawin' my +dress, and opened the door with my foot, both hands bein' full. + +"Any way, there will be as much agin truth in it." + +Wall, I went to work voyalently, and in two hours' time I had got my +work quelled down some. But I had to strain nearly every nerve in the +effort. + +And I am afraid I didn't use the colporter just exactly right, who come +when I wuz right in the midst of puttin' the ingregiences into my tea +cakes. I didn't enter so deep into the argument about the Revised +New Testament as I should in easier and calmer times. I conversed +considerable, I argued some with him, but I didn't get so engaged as +mebby I had ort to. He acted disappointed, and he didn't stay and talk +more'n an hour and three quarters. + +He generally spends half a day with us. He is a master hand to talk; +he'll make your brain fairly spin round he talks so fast and handles +such large, curius words. He talked every minute, only when I wuz +a-answerin' his questions. + +[Illustration: "THERE WUZ SOMETHIN' WRONG ABOUT 'EM."] + +Wall, he had jest gone, the front gate had just clicked onto him, when +Miss Philander Dagget came in at the back door. She had her press-board +in her hand, and a coat over her arm, and I see in a minute that I had +got another trial onto me. I see I had got to set her right. + +I set her a chair, and she took off her sun-bonnet and hung it over the +back of her chair, and set down, and then she asked me if I could spend +time to put in the sleeves of her husband's coat. She said "there wuz +somethin' wrong about em', but she didn't know what." + +She said "she wouldn't have bothered me that day when I had so much +round, but Philander had got to go to a funeral the next day, as one of +the barriers, and he must have his coat." + +Wall, I wrung my hands out of the dish-water they was in at the time, +and took the coat and looked at it, and the minute I set my eyes on it +I see what ailed it I see she had got the sleeves sot in so the elbows +come right in front of his arms, and if he had wore it in that condition +to the funeral or anywhere else he would have had to fold up his arms +right acrost his back; there wuzn't no other possible way. + +And then I turned tailoress and helped her out of her trouble. I sot +the sleeves in proper, and fixed the collar. She had got it sot on as a +ruffle. I drawed it down smooth where it ort to be and pinned it--and +she went home feelin' first rate. + +I am very neighborly, and helpful, and am called so. Jonesville would +miss me if any thing should happen. + +[Illustration: "SHE IS APT TO GET THINGS WRONG."] + +I have often helped that woman a sight. She is a good, willin' creeter, +but she is apt to get things wrong, dretful apt. She made her little +boy's pantaloons once wrong side before, so it would seem that he would +have to set down from the front side, or else stand up. + +And twice she got her husband's pantaloons sewed up so there wuz no way +to get into em' only to crawl up into 'em through the bottom of the +legs. But I have always made a practice of rippin' and tearin' and +bastin', and settin' her right, and I did now. + +Wall, she hadn't hardly got out of the back door, when Josiah Allen came +in in awful distress, he had got a thorn in his foot, he had put on an +old pair of boots, and there wuz a hole in the side of one of 'em, and +the thorn had got in through the hole. It pained him dretfully, and he +wuz jest as crazy as a loon for the time bein'. And he hollered the +first thing that "he wanted some of Hall's salve." And I told him "there +wuzn't a mite in the house." + +And he hollered up and says, "There would be some if there wuz any sense +in the head of the house." + +[Illustration: "HE WANTED SOME OF HALL'S SALVE."] + +I glanced up mechanically at his bald head, but didn't say nothin', for +I see it wouldn't do. And he hollered out agin, "Why hain't there any +Hall's salve?" Sez I, "Because old Hall has been dead for years and +years, and hain't made any salve." + +"Wall, he wouldn't have been dead if he had had any care took of him," +he yelled out. + +"Why," sez I, "he wuz killed by lightnin'; struck down entirely +onexpected five years ago last summer." + +"Oh, argue and dispute with a dying man. Gracious Peter! what will +become of me!" he groaned out, a-holdin' his foot in his hand. + +Sez I, "Let me put some Pond's Extract on it, Josiah." + +"Pond's Extract!" he yelled, and then he called that good remedy words I +wuz ashamed to hear him utter. + +And he jumped round and pranced and kicked just as it is the nater of +man to act under bodily injury of that sort. And then he ordered me to +take a pin and get the thorn out, and then acted mad as a hen at me +all the time I wuz a-doin' it; acted jest as if I wuz a-prickin' him +a-purpose. + +He talked voyalent and mad. I tried to hush him down; I told him the +author of "Wedlock's Peaceful Repose" would hear him, and he hollered +back "he didn't care a cent who heard him. He wuz killed, and he +shouldn't live to trouble anybody long if that pain kept up." + +His acts and words wuz exceedingly skairful to anybody who didn't +understand the nater of a man. But I wuzn't moved by 'em so much as the +width of a horse hair. Good land! I knew that jest as soon as the pain +subsided he would be good as gold, so I kep' on, cool and collected, and +got the thorn out, and did up the suffering toe in Pond's Extract, and I +hadn't only jest got it done, when, for all the world! if I didn't see a +double team stop in front of the house, and I peeked through the winder +and see as it wuz the livery stable man from Jonesville, and he had +brung down the last straws to be lifted onto the camel's back--a hull +lot of onexpected company. A hull load of 'em. + +There wuz the Baptist minister and his wife and their three children, +and the minister's wife's sister-in-law from the West, who wuz there +a-visitin', and the editor of the _Augur'ses_ wife (she wuz related to +the visitor from the West by marriage) and three of the twins. And old +Miss Minkley, she wuz acquainted with the visitor's mother, used to go +to school with her. And Drusilly Sypher, she wuz the visitor from the +West's bosom friend, or used to be. + +Wall, they had all come down to spend the afternoon and visit with each +other, and with me and Josiah, and stay to supper. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + +The author of "Peaceful Repose" sez to me, and she looked pale and +skairt; she had heard every word Josiah had said, and she wuz dretful +skairt and shocked (not knowin' the ways of men, and not understandin', +as I said prior and before, that in two hours' time he would be jest as +good as the very best kind of pie, affectionate, and even spoony, if I +would allow spoons, which I will not the most of the time). Wall, she +proposed, Miss Fogg did, that she should ride back with the livery man. +And though I urged her to stay till night, I couldn't urge her as hard +as I would otherwise, for by that time the head of the procession of +visitors had reached the door-step, and I had to meet 'em with smiles. + +[Illustration: "SHE PROPOSED THAT SHE SHOULD RIDE BACK WITH THE LIVERY +MAN."] + +I smiled some, I thought I must. But they wuz curius smiles, very, +strange-lookin' smiles, sort o' gloomy ones, and mournful lookin'. I +have got lots of different smiles that I keep by me for different +occasions, every woman has, and this wuz one of my most mournfulest and +curiusest ones. + +Wall, the author of "Wedlock's Peaceful and Perfect Repose" insisted on +goin', and she went. And I sez to her as she went down the steps, "That +if she would come up some other day when I didn't have quite so much +work round, I would be as good as my word to her about hearin' her +rehearse the lecture." + +But she said, as she hurried out to the gate, lookin' pale an' wan (as +wan agin as she did when she came, if not wanner): "That she should make +_changes_ in it before she ever rehearsed it agin--_deep changes_!" + +And I should dare to persume to say that she did. Though, as I say, she +went off most awful sudden, and I hadn't seen nor heard from her sence +till I got this letter. + +Wall, jest as I got through with the authoresses letter, and Lodema +Trumble's, Josiah Allen came. And I hurried up the supper. I got it all +on the table while I wuz a steepin' my tea (it wuz good tea). And we sot +down to the table happy as a king and his queen. I don't s'pose queens +make a practice of steepin' tea, but mebby they would be better off if +they did--and have better appetites and better tea. Any way we felt +well, and the supper tasted good. And though Josiah squirmed some when I +told him Lodema wuz approachin' and would be there that very night or +the next day--still the cloud wore away and melted off in the glowin' +mellowness of the hot tea and cream, the delicious oysters and other +good things. + +[Illustration: "MY PARDNER ENJOYS GOOD VITTLES."] + +My pardner, though, as he often says, is not a epicack, still he duz +enjoy good vittles dretful well and appreciates 'em. And I make a stiddy +practice of doin' the best I can by him in this direction. + +And if more females would foller on and cipher out this simple rule, and +get the correct answer to it, the cramp in the right hands of divorce +lawyers would almost entirely disappear. + +For truly it seems that _no_ human man _could be_ more worrysome, and +curius, and hard to get along with than Josiah Allen is at times; still, +by stiddy keepin' of my table set out with good vittles from day to day, +and year to year, the golden cord of affection has bound him to me by +ties that can't never be broken into. + +He worships me! And the better vittles I get, the more he thinks on me. +For love, however true and deep it is, is still a tumultous sea; it has +its high tides, and its low ones, its whirlpools, and its calms. + +He loves me a good deal better some days than he does others; I see it +in his mean. And mark you! mark it well, female reader, these days are +the ones that I cook up sights and sights of good food, and with a +cheerful countenance and clean apron, set it before him in a bright +room, on a snowy table-cloth! + +Great--great is the mystery of men's love. + +I have often and often repeated this simple fact and truth that +underlies married life, and believe me, dear married sisters, too much +cannot be said about it, by those whose hearts beat for the good of +female and male humanity--and it _cannot_ be too closely followed up and +practised by female pardners. + +But I am a-eppisodin'; and to resoom. + +Wall, Lodema Trumble arrove the next mornin' bright and early--I mean +the mornin' wuz bright, not Lodema--oh no, fur from it; Lodema is never +bright and cheerful--she is the opposite and reverse always. + +She is a old maiden. I do think it sounds so much more respectful to +call 'em so rather than "old maid" (but I had to tutor Josiah dretful +sharp before I could get him into it). + +I guess Lodema is one of the regular sort. There is different kinds of +old maidens, some that could marry if they would, and some that +would but couldn't. And I ruther mistrust she is one of the +"would-but-couldn't's," though I wouldn't dast to let her know I said +so, not for the world. + +Josiah never could bear the sight of her, and he sort o' blamed her for +bein' a old maiden. But I put a stop to that sudden, for sez I: + +"She hain't to blame, Josiah." + +And she wuzn't. I hain't a doubt of it. + +Wall, how long she calculated to stay this time we didn't know. But we +had our fears and forebodin's about it; for she wuz in the habit of +makin' awful long visits. Why, sometimes she would descend right down +onto us sudden and onexpected, and stay fourteen weeks right along--jest +like a famine or a pestilence, or any other simely that you are a mind +to bring up that is tuckerin' and stiddy. + +And she wuz disagreeable, I'll confess, and she wuz tuckerin', but I +done well by her, and stood between her and Josiah all I could. He loved +to put on her, and she loved to impose on him. I don't stand up for +either on 'em, but they wuz at regular swords' pints all the time +a'most. And it come fearful tuff on me, fearful tuff, for I had to stand +the brunt on it. + +But she is a disagreeable creeter, and no mistake. She is one of them +that can't find one solitary thing or one solitary person in this wide +world to suit 'em. If the weather is cold she is pinin' for hot weather, +and if the weather is hot she is pantin' for zero. + +[Illustration: "BUT SHE IS A DISAGREEABLE CREETER."] + +If it is a pleasant day the sun hurts her eyes, and if it is cloudy she +groans aloud and says "she can't see." + +And no human bein' wuz ever known to suit her. She gets up early in the +mornin' and puts on her specs, and goes out (as it were) a-huntin' up +faults in folks. And she finds 'em, finds lots of 'em. And then she +spends the rest of the day a-drivin' 'em ahead of her, and groanin' at +'em. + +You know this world bein' such a big place and so many different sort o' +things in it that you can generally find in it the perticuler sort of +game you set out to hunt in the mornin'. + +If you set out to hunt beauty and goodness, if you take good aim and are +perseverin'--if you jest track 'em and foller 'em stiddy from mornin' +till night, and don't get led away a-follerin' up some other game, +such as meanness and selfishness and other such worthless head o' +cattle--why, at night you will come in with a sight of good game. You +will be a noble and happy hunter. + +[Illustration: "BUT FIT WITH THEIR TONGUES, FEARFUL."] + +At the same time, if you hunt all day for faults you will come in at +night with sights of pelts. You will find what you hunt for, track 'em +right along and chase 'em down. Wall, Lodema never got led away from +her perticuler chase. She just hunted faults from mornin' till night, +and done well at it. She brought in sights of skins. + +But oh! wuzn't it disagreeable in the extreme to Samantha, who had +always tried to bend her bow and bring down Beauty, to have her familiar +huntin' grounds turned into so different a warpath. It wuz disagreeable! +It wuz! It wuz! + +And then, havin' to stand between her and Josiah too, wuz fearful +wearin' on me. I had always stood there in the past, and now in this +visit it wuz jest the same; all the hull time, till about the middle of +the fifth week, I had to stand between their two tongues--they didn't +fight with their hands, but fit with their tongues, fearful. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + +But along about the middle of the fifth week I see a change. Lodema +had been uncommon exasperatin', and I expected she would set Josiah to +goin', and I groaned in spirit, to think what a job wuz ahead of me, to +part their two tongues--when all of a sudden I see a curius change come +over my pardner's face. + +I remember jest the date that the change in his mean wuz visible, and +made known to me--for it wuz the very mornin' that we got the invitation +to old Mr. and Miss Pressley's silver weddin'. And that wuz the +fifteenth day of the month along about the middle of the forenoon. + +And it wuz not half an hour after Elnathen Pressley came to the door and +give us the invitations, that I see the change in his mean. + +And when I asked him about it afterwards, what that strange and curius +look meant, he never hung back a mite from tellin' me, but sez right out +plain: + +"Mebby, Samantha, I hain't done exactly as I ort to by cousin Lodema, +and I have made up my mind to make her a happy surprise before she goes +away." + +"Wall," sez I, "so do." + +I thought he wuz goin' to get her a new dress. She had been a-hintin' +to him dretful strong to that effect. She wanted a parmetty, or a +balzereen, or a circassien, which wuz in voge in her young days. But I +wuz in hopes he would get her a cashmere, and told him so, plain. + +But I couldn't get him to tell what the surprise wuz. He only sez, sez +he: + +"I am goin' to make her a happy surprise." + +And the thought that he wuz a-goin' to branch out and make a change, wuz +considerable of a comfort to me. And I needed comfort--yes, indeed I +did--I needed it bad. For not one single thing did I do for her that I +done right, though I tried my best to do well by her. + +But she found fault with my vittles from mornin' till night, though I am +called a excellent cook all over Jonesville, and all round the adjoining +country, out as far as Loontown, and Zoar. It has come straight back to +me by them that wouldn't lie. But it hain't made me vain. + +But I never cooked a thing that suited Lodema, not a single thing. Most +of my vittles wuz too fresh, and then if I braced up and salted 'em +extra so as to be sure to please her, why then they wuz briny, and hurt +her mouth. + +Why, if you'll believe it, I give her a shawl, made her a present of it; +it had even checks black and white, jest as many threads in the black +stripes as there wuz in the white, for I counted 'em. + +And she told me, after she had looked it all over and said it wuz kinder +thin and slazy, and checkered shawls had gone out of fashion, and the +black looked some as if it would fade with washin', and the white wuzn't +over clear, and the colors wuzn't no ways becomin' to her complexion, +and etcetery, etcetery. + +"But," sez she, after she had got all through with the rest of her +complaints--"if the white stripes wuz where the black wuz, and the black +where the white wuz, she should like it quite well." And there it wuz, +even check, two and two. Wall, that wuz a sample of her doin's. If +anybody had a Roman nose she wanted a Greecy one. + +[Illustration:"IF THE WHITE STRIPES WUZ WHERE THE BLACK WUZ."] + +And if the nose wuz Greece, why then she wanted Rome. + +Why, Josiah sez to me along about the third week, he said (to ourselves, +in private), "that if Lodema went to Heaven she would be dissatisfied +with it, and think it wuz livelier, and more goin' on down to the other +place." And he said she would get the angels all stirred up a findin' +fault with their feathers. + +I told him "I would not hear such talk." + +"Wall," sez he, "don't you believe it?" + +And I kinder turned him off, and wouldn't tell, and told him it wuz +wicked to talk so. + +"Wall," sez Josiah, "you dassent say she wouldn't." + +And I dassent, though I wouldn't own it up to him, I dassent. + +And if she kinder got out of other occupations for a minute durin' them +first weeks she would be a quarrelin' with Josiah Allen about age. + +I s'pose she and Josiah wuzn't far from the same age, for they wuz +children together. But she wanted to make out she wuz young. + +And she would tell Josiah that "he seemed jest like a father to her, and +always had." And sometimes when she felt the most curius, she would call +him "Father," and "Pa," and "Papa." And it would mad Josiah Allen so +that I would have all I could do to quell him down. + +Now I didn't feel so, I didn't mind it so much. Why, there would be +days, when she felt the curiusest, that she would call me "Mother," and +"Ma," and foller me round with foot-stools and things, when I went to +set down, and would kinder worry over my fallin' off the back step, and +would offer to help me up the suller stairs, and so forth, and watchin' +over what I et, and tellin' me folks of my age ort to be careful, and +not over-eat. + +And Josiah asked me to ask her "How she felt about that time?" For she +wuz from three to four years older than I wuz. + +But I wouldn't contend with her, and the footstools come kinder handy, I +had jest as lieve have 'em under my feet as not, and ruther. And as for +rich vittles not agreein' with me, and my not over-eatin', I broke that +tip by fallin' right in with her, and not cookin' such good things--that +quelled her down, and gaulded Josiah too. + +But, as I said, it riled Josiah the worst of anything to have Lodema +call him father, for he wants to make out that he is kinder young +himself. + +And sez he to her one day, about the third week, when she was a-goin' +on about how good and fatherly he looked, and how much he seemed like +a parent to her, and always had, sez he: "I wonder if I seemed like a +father to you when we wuz a-kickin' at each other in the same cradle?" +Sez he: "We both used to nuss out of the same bottle, any way, for +I have heard my mother say so lots of times. There wuzn't ten days' +difference in our ages. You wuz ten days the oldest as I have always +made out." + +She screamed right out, "Why, Josiah Allen, where is your conscience to +talk in that way--and your heart?" + +"In here, where everybody's is," sez Josiah, strikin' himself with his +right hand--he meant to strike against his left breast, but struck too +low, kinder on his stomach. + +And sez I, "That is what I have always thought, Josiah Allen. I have +always had better luck reachin' your conscience through your stomach +than in any other way. And now," sez I coldly, "do you go out and bring +in a pail of water." + +I used to get beat out and sick of their scufflin's and disagreein's, +and broke 'em up whenever I could. + +But oh! oh! how she did quarrel with Josiah Allen and that buzz saw +scheme of his'n. How light she made of that enterprise, how she demeaned +the buzz, and run the saws--till I felt that bad as I hated the +enterprise myself, I felt that a variety of loud buzz saws would be a +welcome relief from her tongue--from their two tongues; for as fur down +as she would run them buzz saws, jest so fur would Josiah Allen praise +'em up. + +[Illustration: LODEMA AND JOSIAH IN YOUTH.] + +She never agreed with Josiah Allen but in jest one thing while she was +under his ruff. I happened to mention one day how extremely anxious I +wuz to have females set on the Conference; and then, wantin' to dispute +me, and also bein' set on that side, she run down the project, and +called it all to nort--and when too late she see that she had got over +on Josiah Allen's side of the fence. + +But it had one good effect. When that man see she wuz there, he waded +off, way out of sight of the project, and wouldn't mention it--it madded +him so to be on the same side of the fence she wuz--so that it seemed +to happen all for the best. + +Why, I took her as a dispensation from the first, and drawed all sorts +of morels from her, and sights of 'em--sights. + +But oh, it wuz tuff on me, fearful tuff. + +And when she calculated and laid out to make out her visit and go, wuz +more than we could tell. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + +For two weeks had passed away like a nite mair of the nite--and three +weeks, and four weeks--and she didn't seem to be no nigher goin' than +she did when she came. + +And I would not make a move towards gettin' rid of her, not if I had +dropped down in my tracts, because she wuz one of the relatives on his +side. + +But I wuz completely fagged out; it did seem, as I told Tirzah Ann one +day in confidence, "that I never knew the meanin' of the word 'fag' +before." + +And Tirzah Ann told me (she couldn't bear her) that if she wuz in my +place, she would start her off. Sez she: + +"She has plenty of brothers and sisters, and a home of her own, and why +should she come here to torment you and father;" and sez she, "I'll talk +to her, mother, I'd jest as leve as not." Sez I, "Tirzah Ann, if you +say a word to her, I'll--I'll never put confidence in you agin;" sez I, +"Life is full of tribulations, and we must expect to bear our crosses;" +sez I, "The old martyrs went through more than Lodema." + +Sez Tirzah Ann, "I believe Lodema would have wore out John Rogers." + +And I don't know but she would, but I didn't encourage her by ownin' it +up that she would; but I declare for't, I believe she would have been +more tegus than the nine children, and the one at the breast, any way. + +Wall, as I said, it wuz durin' the fifth week that Josiah Allen turned +right round, and used her first rate. + +And when she would talk before folks about how much filial affection she +had for him, and about his always havin' been jest like a parent to her, +and everything of the kind--he never talked back a mite, but looked +clever, and told me in confidence, "That he had turned over a new leaf, +and he wuz goin' to surprise her--give her a happy surprise." + +And he seemed, instead of lovin' to rile her up, as he had, to jest put +his hull mind on the idee of the joyful surprise. + +Wall, I am always afraid (with reason) of Josiah Allen's enterprizes. +But do all I could, he wouldn't tell me one word about what he wuz goin' +to do, only he kep it up, kep a-sayin' that, + +"It wuz somethin' I couldn't help approvin' of, and it wuz somethin' +that would happify me, and be a solid comfort to her, and a great gain +and honor." + +So (though I trembled some for the result) I had to let it go on, for +she wuz one of the relations on his own side, and I knew it wouldn't do +for me to interfere too much, and meddle. + +Why, he did come right out one day and give hints to me to that effect. + +Sez I, "Why do you go on and be so secret about it? Why don't you tell +your companion all about it, what you are a-goin' to do, and advise with +her?" + +And he sez, "I guess I know what I am about. She is one of the relations +on my side, and I guess I have got a few rights left, and a little +spunk." + +"Yes," sez I, sadly, "you have got the spunk." + +"Wall," sez he, "I guess I can spunk up, and do somethin' for one of my +own relations, without any interference or any advice from any of the +Smith family, or anybody else." + +Sez I, "I don't want to stop your doin' all you can for Lodema, but why +not tell what you are a-goin' to do?" + +"It will be time enough when the time comes," sez he. "You will find it +out in the course of next week." + +Wall, it run along to the middle of the next week. And one day I had +jest sot down to tie off a comforter. + +It wuz unbleached cheese cloth that I had bought and colored with tea +leaves. It wuz a sort of a light mice color, a pretty soft gray, and I +wuz goin' to tie it in with little balls of red zephyr woosted, and work +it in buttonhole stitch round the edge with the same. + +It wuz fur our bed, Josiah's and mine, and it wuz goin' to be soft and +warm and very pretty, though I say it, that shouldn't. + +[Illustration: "I HAD JEST SOT DOWN TO TIE OFF A COMFORTER."] + +It wuzn't quite so pretty as them that hain't colored. I had 'em for my +spare beds, cream color tied with pale blue and pink, that wuz perfectly +beautiful and very dressy; but I thought for everyday use a colored one +would be better. + +Wall, I had brought it out and wuz jest a-goin' to put it onto the +frames (some new-fashioned ones I had borrowed from Tirzah Ann for the +occasion). + +And Cousin Lodema had jest observed, "that the new-fashioned frames with +legs wuzn't good for nothin', and she didn't like the color of gray, +it looked too melancholy, and would be apt to depress our feelin's too +much, and would be tryin' to our complexions." + +And I told her "that I didn't spoze there would be a very great +congregation in our bedroom, as a general thing in the dead of night, to +see whether it wuz becomin' to Josiah and me or not. And, it bein' as +dark as Egypt, our complexions wouldn't make a very bad show any way." + +"Wall," she said, "to tie it with red wuzn't at all appropriate, it wuz +too dressy a color for folks of our age, Josiah's and mine." "Why," sez +she, "even _I_, at _my_ age, would skurcely care to sleep under one so +gay. And she wouldn't have a cheese cloth comforter any way." She sort +o' stopped to ketch breath, and Josiah sez: + +"Oh, wall, Lodema, a cheese cloth comforter is better than none, and I +should think you would be jest the one to like any sort of a frame on +legs." + +But I wunk at him, a real severe and warnin' wink, and he stopped short +off, for all the world as if he had forgot bein' on his good behavior; +he stopped short off, and went right to behavin', and sez he to me: + +"Don't put on your comforter to-day, Samantha, for Tirzah Ann and +Whitfield and the babe are a-comin' over here bimeby, and Maggie is +a-comin', and Thomas Jefferson." + +"Wall," sez I, "that is a good reason why I should keep on with it; the +girls can help me if I don't get it off before they get here." + +And then he sez, "Miss Minkley is a-comin', too, and the Elder." + +"Why'ee," sez I, "Josiah Allen, why didn't you tell me before, so I +could have baked up somethin' nice? What a man you are to keep things; +how long have you known it?" + +"Oh, a week or so!" + +"A week!" sez I; "Josiah Allen, where is your conscience? if you have +got a conscience." + +"In the same old place," sez he, kinder hittin' himself in the pit of +his stomach. + +"Wall, I should think as much," sez I. + +And Lodema sez, sez she: "A man that won't tell things is of all +creeters that walks the earth the most disagreeable. And I should think +the girls, Maggie and Tirzah Ann, would want to stay to home and clean +house such a day as this is. And I should think a Elder would want to +stay to home so's to be on hand in case of anybody happenin' to be +exercised in their minds, and wantin to talk to him on religious +subjects. And if I wuz a Elder's wife, I should stay to home with him; +I should think it wuz my duty and my privilege. And if I wuz a married +woman, I would have enough baked up in the house all the time, so's not +to be afraid of company." + +But I didn't answer back. I jest sot away my frames, and went out and +stirred up a cake; I had one kind by me, besides cookies and jell tarts. + +But I felt real worked up to think I hadn't heard. Wall, I hadn't more'n +got that cake fairly into the oven when the children come, and Elder +Minkley and his wife. And I thought they looked queer, and I thought the +Elder begun to tell me somethin', and I thought I see Josiah wink at +him. But I wouldn't want to take my oath whether he wunk or not, but I +_thought_ he wunk. + +I wuz jest a turnin' this over in my mind, and a carryin' away their +things, when I glanced out of the settin' room winder, and lo, and +behold! there wuz Abi Adsit a comin' up to the front door, and right +behind her wuz her Pa and Ma Adsit, and Deacon Henzy and his wife, +and Miss Henn and Metilda, and Lute Pitkins and his wife, and Miss +Petengill, and Deacon Sypher and Drusilly, and Submit Tewksbury--a hull +string of 'em as long as a procession. + +Sez I, and I spoke it right out before I thought--sez I-- + +"Why'ee!" sez I. "For the land's sake!" sez I, "has there been a +funeral, or anything? And are these the mourners?" sez I. "Are they +stoppin' here to warm?" + +For it wuz a cold day--and I repeated the words to myself mechanically +as it wuz, as I see 'em file up the path. + +"They be mourners, hain't they?" + +"No," sez Josiah, who had come in and wuz a standin' by the side of me, +as I spoke out to myself unbeknown to me--sez he in a proud axent-- + +"No, they hain't mourners, they are Happyfiers; they are Highlariers; +they have come to our party. We are givin' a party, Samantha. We are +havin' a diamond weddin' here for Lodema." + +"A diamond weddin'!" I repeated mechanically. + +"Yes, this is my happy surprise for Lodema." + +I looked at Lodema Trumble. She looked strange. She had sunk back in her +chair. I thought she wuz a-goin' to faint, and she told somebody the +next day, "that she did almost lose her conscientiousness." + +"Why," sez I, "she hain't married." + +[Illustration: "WE ARE GIVIN' A PARTY, SAMANTHA."] + +"Wall, she ort to be, if she hain't," sez he. "I say it is high time for +her to have some sort of a weddin'. Everybody is a havin' 'em--tin, and +silver and wooden, and basswood, and glass, and etc.--and I thought it +wuz a perfect shame that Lodema shouldn't have none of no kind--and I +thought I'd lay to, and surprise her with one. Every other man seemed +to be a-holdin' off, not willin' seemin'ly that she should have one, and +I jest thought I would happify her with one." + +"Wall, why didn't you make her a silver one, or a tin?" sez I. + +"Or a paper one!" screamed Lodema, who had riz up out of her almost +faintin' condition. "That would have been much more appropriate," sez +she. + +"Wall, I thought a diamond one would be more profitable to her. For I +asked 'em all to bring diamonds, if they brought anything. And then I +thought it would be more suitable to her age." + +"Why!" she screamed out. "They have to be married seventy-five years +before they can have one." + +"Yes," sez he dreemily, "I thought that would be about the right +figure." + +Lodema wuz too mad to find fault or complain or anything. She jest +marched up-stairs and didn't come down agin that night. And the young +folks had a splendid good time, and the old ones, too. + +Tirzah Ann and Maggie had brought some refreshments with 'em, and so had +some of the other wimmen, and, with what I had, there wuz enough, and +more than enough, to refresh ourselves with. + +Wall, the very next mornin' Lodema marched down like a grenideer, and +ordered Josiah to take her to the train. And she eat breakfast with her +things on, and went away immegiately after, and hain't been back here +sense. + +And I wuz truly glad to see her go, but wuz sorry she went in such a +way, and I tell Josiah he wuz to blame, + +But he acts as innocent as you pleese. And he goes all over the +arguments agin every time I take him to do about it. He sez "she wuz old +enough to have a weddin' of some kind." + +And of course I can't dispute that, when he faces me right down, and +sez: + +"Hain't she old enough?" + +And I'll say, kinder short-- + +"Why, I spoze so!" + +"Wall," sez he, "wouldn't it have been profitable to her if they had +brought diamonds? Wouldn't it have been both surprisin' and profitable?" +And sez he, "I told 'em expressly to bring diamonds if they had more +than they wanted. I charged old Bobbet and Lute Pitkins specially on the +subject. I didn't want 'em to scrimp themselves; but," sez I, "if you +have got more diamonds than you want, Lute, bring over a few to Lodema." + +[Illustration: "IF YOU HAVE GOT MORE DIAMONDS THAN YOU WANT."] + +"Yes," sez I, coldly, "he wuz dretful likely to have diamonds more then +he wanted, workin' out by day's work to support his family. You know +there wuzn't a soul you invited that owned a diamond." + +"How did I know what they owned? I never have prowled round into their +bureau draws and things, tryin' to find out what they had; they might +have had quarts of 'em, and I not know it." + +Sez I, "You did it to make fun of Lodema and get rid of her. And it only +makes it worse to try to smooth it over." Sez I, "I'd be honorable about +it if I wuz in your place, and own up." + +"Own up? What have I got to own up? I shall always say if my orders wuz +carried out, it would have been a profitable affair for Lodema, and it +would--profitable and surprisin'." + +And that is all I can get him to say about it, from that day to this. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + +But truly the labors that descended onto my shoulders immegiately after +Lodema's departure wuz hard enough to fill up my hull mind, and tax +every one of my energies. + +Yes, my labors and the labors of the other female Jonesvillians wuz deep +and arjuous in the extreme (of which more and anon bimeby). + +I had been the female appinted in a private and becomin' female way, to +go to Loontown to see the meetin' house there that we heard they had +fixed over in a cheap but commojous way. And for reasons (of which more +and anon) we wanted to inquire into the expense, the looks on't, etc., +etc. + +So I persuaded Josiah Allen to take me over to Loontown on this pressin' +business, and he gin his consent to go on the condition that we should +stop for a visit to Cephas Bodley'ses. Josiah sets store by 'em. You +see they are relations of ourn and have been for some time, entirely +unbeknown to us, and they'd come more'n a year ago a huntin' of us up. +They said they "thought relations ought to be hunted up and hanged +together." They said "the idea of huntin' us up had come to 'em after +readin' my books." They told me so, and I said, "Wall!" I didn't add nor +diminish to that one "wall," for I didn't want to act too backward, nor +too forward. I jest kep' kinder neutral, and said, "Wall!" + +You see Cephas'ses father's sister-in-law wuz stepmother to my aunt's +second cousin on my father's side. And Cephas said that "he had felt +more and more, as years went by, that it wuz a burnin' shame for +relations to not know and love each other." He said "he felt that he +loved Josiah and me dearly." + +I didn't say right out whether it wuz reciprokated or not I kinder said, +"Wall!" agin. + +And I told Josiah, in perfect confidence and the wood-house chamber, +"that I had seen nearer relations than Mr. Bodley'ses folks wuz to us," + +[Illustration: "CEPHAS SAID IT WUZ A BURNIN' SHAME FOR RELATIONS TO +NOT KNOW AND LOVE EACH OTHER."] + +Howsumever, I done well by 'em. Josiah killed a fat turkey, and I baked +it, and done other things for their comfort, and we had quite a good +time. Cephas wuz ruther flowery and enthusiastick, and his mouth and +voice wuz ruther large, but he meant well, I should judge, and we had +quite a good time. + +She wuz very freckled, and a second-day Baptist by perswasion, and wuz +piecin' up a crazy bedquilt. She went a-visitin' a good deal, and got +pieces of the women's dresses where she visited for blocks. So it wuz +quite a savin' bedquilt, and very good-lookin', considerin'. + +But to resoom and continue on. Cephas'ses folks made us promise on our +two sacred honors, Josiah's honor and mine, that we would pay back the +visit, for, as Cephas said, "for relatives to live so clost to each +other, and not to visit back and forth, wuz a burnin' shame and a +disgrace." And Josiah promised that we would go right away after +sugerin'. + +We wouldn't promise on the New Testament, as Cephas wanted us to (he is +dretful enthusiastick); but we gin good plain promises that we would go, +and laid out to keep our two words. + +Wall, we got there onexpected, as they had come onto us. And we found +'em plunged into trouble. Their only child, a girl, who had married a +young lawyer of Loontown, had jest lost her husband with the typus, and +they wuz a-makin' preparations for the funeral when we got there. She +and her husband had come on a visit, and he wuz took down bed-sick there +and died. + +I told 'em I felt like death to think I had descended down onto 'em at +such a time. + +But Cephas said he wuz jest dispatchin' a messenger for us when we +arrove, for, he said, "in a time of trouble, then wuz the time, if ever, +that a man wanted his near relations clost to him." + +And he said "we had took a load offen him by appearin' jest as we +did, for there would have been some delay in gettin' us there, if the +messenger had been dispatched." + +He said "that mornin' he had felt so bad that he wanted to die--it +seemed as if there wuzn't nothin' left for him to live for; but now he +felt that he had sunthin' to live for, now his relatives wuz gathered +round him." + +Josiah shed tears to hear Cephas go on. I myself didn't weep none, but I +wuz glad if we could be any comfort to 'em, and told 'em so. + +And I told Sally Ann, that wuz Cephas'ses wife, that I would do anything +I could to help 'em. And she said everything wuz a-bein' done that +wuz necessary. She didn't know of but one thing that wuz likely to be +overlooked and neglected, and that wuz the crazy bedquilt. She said +"she would love to have that finished to throw over a lounge in the +settin'-room, that wuz frayed out on the edges, and if I felt like it, +it _would_ be a great relief to her to have me take it right offen her +hands and finish it." + +So I took out my thimble and needle (I always carry such necessaries +with me, in a huzzy made expressly for that purpose), and I sot down and +went to piecin' up. There wuz seventeen blocks to piece up, each one +crazy as a loon to look at, and it wuz all to set together. + +She had the pieces, for she had been off on a visitin' tower the week +before, and collected of 'em. + +So I sot in quiet and the big chair in the settin'-room, and pieced up, +and see the preparations goin' on round us. + +I found that Cephas'ses folks lived in a house big and showy-lookin', +but not so solid and firm as I had seen. + +It wuz one of the houses, outside and inside, where more pains had been +took with the porticos and ornaments than with the underpinnin'. + +It had a showy and kind of a shaky look. And I found that that extended +to Cephas'ses business arrangements. Amongst the other ornaments of his +buildin's wuz mortgages, quite a lot of'em, and of almost every variety. +He had gin his only child, S. Annie (she wuz named after her mother, +Sally Ann, but spelt it this way), he had gin S. Annie a showy +education, a showy weddin', and a showy settin'-out. But she had +had the good luck to marry a sensible man, though poor. + +[Illustration: "So I SOT IN QUIET AND THE BIG CHAIR."] + +He took S. Annie and the brackets, the piano and hangin' lamps and +baskets and crystal bead lambrequins, her father had gin her, moved +'em all into a good, sensible, small house, and went to work to get a +practice and a livin'. He was a lawyer by perswasion. + +Wall, he worked hard, day and night, for three little children come to +'em pretty fast, and S. Annie consumed a good deal in trimmin's and +cheap lace to ornament 'em; she wuz her father's own girl for ornament. +But he worked so hard, and had so many irons in the fire, and kep' 'em +all so hot, that he got a good livin' for 'em, and begun to lay up money +towards buyin' 'em a house--a home. + +He talked a sight, so folks said that knew him well, about his consumin' +desire and aim to get his wife and children into a little home of their +own, into a safe little haven, where they could live if he wuz called +away. They say that that wuz on his mind day and night, and wuz what +nerved his hand so in the fray, and made him so successful. Wall, he had +laid up about nine hundred dollars towards a home, every dollar on +it earned by hard work and consecrated by this deathless hope and +affection. The house he had got his mind on only cost about a thousand +dollars. Loontown property is cheap. + +Wall, he had laid up nine hundred, and wuz a-beginnin' to save on the +last hundred, for he wouldn't run in debt a cent any way, when he wuz +took voyalent sick there to Cephas'ses; he and S. Annie had come home +for a visit of a day or two, and he bein' so run down, and weak with his +hard day work and his night work, that he suckumbed to his sickness, and +passed away the day before I got there. + +Wall, S. Annie wuz jest overcome with grief the day I got there, but the +day follerin' she begun to take some interest and help her father in +makin' preparations for the funeral. + +The body wuz embalmed, accordin' to Cephas'ses and S. Annie's wish, and +the funeral wuz to be on the Sunday follerin', and on that Cephas and S. +Annie now bent their energies. + +To begin with, S. Annie had a hull suit of clear crape made for herself, +with a veil that touched the ground; she also had three other suits +commenced, for more common wear, trimmed heavy with crape, one of which +she ordered for sure the next week, for she said, "she couldn't stir out +of the house in any other color but black." + +I knew jest how dear crape wuz, and I tackled her on the subject, and +sez I-- + +"Do you know, S. Annie, these dresses of your'n will cost a sight?" + +"Cost?" sez she, a-bustin' out a-cryin'. "What do I care about cost? I +will do everything I can to respect his memory. I do it in remembrance +of him." + +Sez I, gently, "S. Annie, you wouldn't forget him if you wuz dressed in +white. And as for respect, such a life as his, from all I hear of it, +don't need crape to throw respect on it; it commands respect, and gets +it from everybody." + +"But," sez Cephas, "it would look dretful odd to the neighbors if she +didn't dress in black." Sez he in a skairful tone, and in his intense +way-- + +[Illustration: "WHAT IS LIFE WORTH WHEN FOLKS TALK?"] + +"I would ruther resk my life than to have her fail in duty in this way; +it would make talk. And." sez he, "what is life worth when folks talk?" +I turned around the crazed block and tackled it in a new place (more +luny than ever it seemed to me), and sez I, mekanickly-- + +"It is pretty hard work to keep folks from talkin'; to keep 'em from +sayin' somethin'." + +But I see from their looks it wouldn't do to say anything more, so I had +to set still and see it go on. + +At that time of year flowers wuz dretful high, but S. Annie and Cephas +had made up their minds that they must have several flower-pieces from +the city nighest to Loontown. + +One wuz a-goin' to be a gate ajar, and one wuz to be a gate wide open, +and one wuz to be a big book. Cephas asked what book I thought would be +preferable to represent. And I mentioned the Bible. + +But Cephas sez, "No, he didn't think he would have a Bible; he didn't +think it would be appropriate, seein' the deceased wuz a lawyer." He +said "he hadn't quite made up his mind what book to have. But anyway it +wuz to be in flowers--beautiful flowers." Another piece wuz to be his +name in white flowers on a purple background of pansies. His name wuz +Wellington Napoleon Bonaparte Hardiman. And I sez to Cephas--"To save +expense, you will probable have the moneygram W.N.B.H.?" + +"Oh, no," sez he. + +Sez I, "hen the initials of his given names, and the last name in +full." + +"Oh, no," he said; "it wuz S. Annie's wish, and hisen, that the hull +name should be put on. They thought it would show more respect." + +I sez, "Where Wellington is now, that hain't a goin' to make any +difference, and," sez I, "Cephas, flowers are dretful high this time of +year, and it is a long name." + +But Cephas said agin that he didn't care for expense, so long as respect +wuz done to the memory of the deceased. He said that he and S. Annie +both felt that it wuz their wish to have the funeral go ahead of any +other that had ever took place in Loontown or Jonesville. He said that +S. Annie felt that it wuz all that wuz left her now in life, the memory +of such a funeral as he deserved. + +Sez I, "There is his children left for her to live for," sez I--" three +little bits of his own life, for her to nourish, and cherish, and look +out for." + +"Yes," sez Cephas, "and she will do that nobly, and I will help her. +They are all goin' to the funeral, too, in deep-black dresses." He said +"they wuz too little to realize it now, but in later and maturer years +it would be a comfort to 'em to know they had took part in such a +funeral as that wuz goin' to be, and wuz dressed in black." + +"Wall," sez I (in a quiet, onassumin' way I would gin little hints of my +mind on the subject), "I am afraid that will be about all the comforts +of life the poor little children will ever have," sez I. "It will be if +you buy many more flower-pieces and crape dresses." + +Cephas said "it wouldn't take much crape for the children's dresses, +they wuz so little, only the baby's; that would have to be long." + +Sez I, "The baby would look better in white, and it will take sights of +crape for a long baby dress." + +"Yes, but S. Annie can use it afterwards for veils. She is very +economical; she takes it from me. And she feels jest as I do, that the +baby must wear it in respect to her father's memory." + +Sez I, "The baby don't know crape from a clothes-pin." + +"No," sez Cephas, "but in after years the thought of the respect she +showed will sustain her." + +"Wall," sez I, "I guess she won't have much besides thoughts to live on, +if things go on in this way." + +I would give little hints in this way, but they wuzn't took. Things went +right on as if I hadn't spoke. And I couldn't contend, for truly, as a +bad little boy said once on a similar occasion, "it wuzn't my funeral," +so I had to set and work on that insane bedquilt and see it go on. But +I sithed constant and frequent, and when I wuz all alone in the room I +indulged in a few low groans. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + + +We dressmakers wuz in the house, to stay all the time till the dresses +wuz done; and clerks would come around, anon, if not oftener, with +packages of mournin' goods, and mournin' jewelry, and mournin' +handkerchiefs, and mournin' stockings, and mournin' stockin'-supporters, +and mournin' safety-pins, and etc., etc., etc., etc., etc. + +Every one of 'em, I knew, a-wrenchin' boards offen the sides of that +house that Wellington had worked so hard to get for his wife and little +ones. + +Wall, the day of the funeral come. It wuz a wet, drizzly day, but Cephas +wuz up early, to see that everything wuz as he wanted it to be. + +As fur as I wuz concerned, I had done my duty, for the crazy bedquilt +wuz done; and though brains might totter as they looked at it, I felt +that it wuzn't my fault. Sally Ann spread it out with complacency over +the lounge, and thanked me, with tears in her eyes, for my noble deed. + +Along quite early in the mornin', before the show commenced, I went in +to see Wellington. + +He lay there calm and peaceful, with a look on his face as if he had got +away at last from a atmosphere of show and sham, and had got into the +great Reality of life. + +It wuz a good face, and the worryment and care that folks told me had +been on it for years had all faded away. But the look of determination, +and resolve, and bravery,--that wuz ploughed too deep in his face to be +smoothed out, even by the mighty hand that had lain on it. The resolved +look, the brave look with which he had met the warfare of life, toiled +for victory over want, toiled to place his dear and helpless ones in a +position of safety,--that look wuz on his face yet, as if the deathless +hope and endeavor had gone on into eternity with him. + +And by the side of him, on a table, wuz the big high flower-pieces, +beginnin' already to wilt and decay. + +Wall, it's bein' such an uncommon bad day, there wuzn't many to the +funeral. But we rode to the meetin'-house in Loontown in a state and +splendor that I never expect to again. Cephas had hired eleven mournin' +coaches, and the day bein' so bad, and so few a-turnin' out to the +funeral, that in order to occupy all the coaches--and Cephas thought it +would look better and more popular to have 'em all occupied--we divided +up, and Josiah went in one, alone, and lonesome as a dog, as he said +afterwards to me. And I sot up straight and oncomfortable in another one +on 'em, stark alone. + +Cephas had one to himself, and his wife another one, and two old maids, +sisters of Cephas'ses who always made a point of attendin' funerals, +they each one of 'em had one. S. Annie and her children, of course, had +the first one, and then the minister had one, and one of the trustees in +the neighborhood had another; so we lengthened out into quite a crowd, +all a-follerin' the shiny hearse, and the casket all covered with showy +plated nails. I thought of it in jest that way, for Wellington, I knew, +the real Wellington, wuzn't there. No, he wuz fur away--as fur as the +Real is from the Unreal. Wall, we filed into the Loontown meetin'-house +in pretty good shape. The same meetin'-house I had been sent to +reconoiter. But Cephas hadn't no black handkerchief, and he looked +worried about it. He had shed tears a-tellin' me about it, what a +oversight it wuz, while I wuz a fixin' on his mournin' weed. He took it +into his head to have a deeper weed at the last minute, so I fixed it +on. He had the weed come up to the top of his hat and lap over. I never +see so tall a weed. But it suited Cephas; he said "he thought it showed +deep respect." + +"Wall," sez I, "it is a deep weed, anyway--the deepest I ever see." And +he said as I wuz a sewin' it on, he a-holdin' his hat for me, "that +Wellington deserved it; he deserved it all." + +But, as I say, he shed tears to think that his handkerchief wuzn't +black-bordered. He said "it wuz a fearful oversight; it would probably +make talk." + +"But," I sez, "mebby it won't be noticed." + +[Illustration: "AS A PROCESSION WE WUZ MIDDLIN' LONG, BUT RUTHER +THIN."] + +"Yes, it will," sez he. "It will be noticed." And sez he, "I don't care +about myself, but I am afraid it will reflect onto Wellington. I am +afraid they will think it shows a lack of respect for him. For +Wellington's sake I feel cut down about it." + +And I sez, "I guess where Wellington is now, the color of a handkerchief +border hain't a-goin' to make much difference to him either way." + +And I don't spoze it wuz noticed much, for there wuzn't more'n ten or a +dozen folks there when we went in. We went in in Injin file mostly by +Cephas'ses request, so's to make more show. And as a procession we wuz +middlin' long, but ruther thin. + +The sermon wuz not so very good as to quality, but abundant as to +quantity. It wuz, as nigh as I could calkerlate, about a hour and +three-quarters long. Josiah whispered to me along about the last that +"we had been there over seven hours, and his legs wuz paralyzed." + +And I whispered back that "seven hours would take us into the night, and +to stretch his feet out and pinch 'em," which he did. + +But it wuz long and tegus. My feet got to sleep twice, and I had hard +work to wake 'em up agin. The sermon meant to be about Wellington, I +s'pose; he did talk a sight about him, and then he kinder branched off +onto politics, and then the Inter-State bill; he kinder favored it, I +thought. + +Wall, we all got drippin' wet a-goin' home, for Cephas insisted on our +gettin' out at the grave, for he had hired some uncommon high singers +(high every way, in price and in notes) to sing at the grave. + +And so we disembarked in the drippin' rain, on the wet grass, and formed +a procession agin. And Cephas had a long exercise light there in the +rain. But the singin' wuz kinder jerky and curius, and they had got +their pay beforehand, so they hurried it through. And one man, the +tenor, who wuz dretful afraid of takin' cold, hurried through his part +and got through first, and started on a run for the carriage. The others +stood their grounds till the piece wuz finished, but they put on some +dretful curius quavers. I believe they had had chills; it sounded like +it. + +Take it altogether, I don't believe anybody got much satisfaction out of +it, only Cephas. S. Annie sp'ilt her dress and bonnet entirely--they wuz +wilted all down; and she ordered another suit jest like it before +she slept. Wall, the next mornin' early two men come with plans for +monuments. Cephas had telegrafted to 'em to come with plans and bid for +the job of furnishin' the monument. + +And after a good deal of talk on both sides, Cephas and S. Annie +selected one that wuz very high and p'inted. + +The men stayed to dinner, and I said to Cephas out to one side-- + +"Cephas, that monument is a-goin' to cost a sight." + +"Wall," sez he, "we can't raise too high a one. Wellington deserved it +all." + +Sez I, "Won't that and all these funeral expenses take about all the +money he left?" + +"Oh, no!" sez he. "He had insured his life for a large amount, and it +all goes to his wife and children. He deserves a monument if a man ever +did." + +"But," sez I, "don't you believe that Wellington would ruther have S. +Annie and the children settled down in a good little home with sumthin' +left to take care of 'em, than to have all this money spent in perfectly +useless things?" + +"_Useless!_" sez Cephas, turnin' red. "Why," sez he, "if you wuzn't a +near relation I should resent that speech bitterly." + +"Wall," sez I, "what do all these flowers, and empty carriages, and +silver-plated nails, and crape, and so forth--what does it all amount +to?" + +"Respect and honor to his memory," sez Cephas, proudly. + +Sez I, "Such a life as Wellington's had them; no body could take 'em +away nor deminish 'em. Such a brave, honest life is crowned with honor +and respect any way. It don't need no crape, nor flowers, nor monuments +to win 'em. And, at the same time," sez I dreamily, "if a man is mean, +no amount of crape, or flower-pieces, or flowery sermons, or obituries, +is a-goin' to cover up that meanness. A life has to be lived out-doors +as it were; it can't be hid. A string of mournin' carriages, no matter +how long, hain't a-goin' to carry a dishonorable life into honor, and +no grave, no matter how low and humble it is, is a-goin' to cover up a +honorable life. + +"Such a life as Wellington's don't need no monument to carry up the +story of his virtues into the heavens; it is known there already. And +them that mourn his loss don't need cold marble words to recall his +goodness and faithfulness. The heart where the shadow of his eternal +absence has fell don't need crape to make it darker. + +"Wellington wouldn't be forgot if S. Annie wore pure white from day +today. No, nobody that knew Wellington, from all I have hearn of him, +needs crape to remind 'em that he wuz once here and now is gone. + +"Howsomever, as fur as that is concerned, I always feel that mourners +must do as they are a mind to about crape, with fear and tremblin'--that +is, if they are well off, and _can_ do as they are a mind to; and the +same with monuments, flowers, empty coaches, etc. But in this case, +Cephas Bodley, I wouldn't be a doin' my duty if I didn't speak my mind. +When I look at these little helpless souls that are left in a cold world +with nothin' to stand between them and want but the small means their pa +worked so hard for and left for the express purpose of takin' care of +'em, it seems to me a foolish thing, and a cruel thing, to spend all +that money on what is entirely onnecessary." + +"Onnecessary!" sez Cephas, angrily. "Agin I say, Josiah Allen's wife, +that if it wuzn't for our close relationship I should turn on you. A +worm will turn," sez he, "if it is too hardly trampled on." + +"I hain't trampled on you," sez I, "nor hain't had no idea on't. I wuz +only statin' the solemn facts and truth of the matter. And you will see +it some time, Cephas Bodley, if you don't now." + +Sez Cephas, "The worm has turned, Josiah Allen's wife! Yes, I feel that +I have got to look now to more distant relations for comfort. Yes, the +worm has been stomped on too heavy." + +He looked cold, cold as a iceickle almost. And I see that jest the few +words I had spoke, jest the slight hints I had gin, hadn't been took as +they should have been took. So I said no more. For agin the remark of +that little bad boy came up in my mind and restrained me from sayin' any +more. + +Truly, as the young male child observed, "it wuzn't my funeral." + +We went home almost immegiately afterwards, my heart nearly a-bleedin' +for the little children, poor little creeters, and Cephas actin' cold +and distant to the last And we hain't seen 'em sence. But news has come +from them, and come straight. Josiah heerd to Jonesville all about it. +And though it is hitchin' the democrat buggy on front of the mare--to +tell the end of the funeral here--yet I may as well tell it now and be +done with it. + +The miller at Loontown wuz down to the Jonesville mill to get the loan +of some bags, and Josiah happened to be there to mill that day, and +heerd all about it. + +Cephas had got the monument, and the ornaments on it cost fur more than +he expected. There wuz a wreath a-runnin' round it clear from the bottom +to the top, and verses a kinder runnin' up it at the same time. And it +cost fearful. Poetry a-runnin' up, they say, costs fur more than it duz +on a level. + +Any way, the two thousand dollars that wuz insured on Wellington's life +wuzn't quite enough to pay for it. But the sale of his law library and +the best of the housen' stuff paid it. The nine hundred he left went, +every mite of it, to pay the funeral expenses and mournin' for the +family. + +[Illustration: CARRIED TO THE COUNTY POOR HOUSE.] + +And as bad luck always follers on in a procession, them mortgages of +Cephas'ses all run out sort o' together. His creditors sold him out, +and when his property wuz all disposed of it left him over fourteen +hundred dollars in debt. + +The creditors acted perfectly greedy, so they say--took everything they +could; and one of the meanest ones took that insane bedquilt that I +finished. That _wuz_ mean. They say Sally Ann crumpled right down +when that wuz took. Some say that they got hold of that tall weed of +Cephas'ses, and some dispute it; some say that he wore it on the last +ride he took in Loontown. + +But, howsomever, Cephas wuz took sick, Sally Ann wuzn't able to do +anything for their support, S. Annie wuz took down with the typhus, and +so it happened the very day the monument wuz brought to the Loontown +cemetery, Cephas Bodley's folks wuz carried to the county house, S. +Annie, the children and all. + +And it happened dretful curius, but the town hired that very team that +drawed the monument there, to take the family back. + +It wuz a good team. + +The monument wuzn't set up, for they lacked money to pay for the +underpinnin'! (Wuz n't it curius, Cephas Bodley never would think of the +underpinnin' to anything?) But it lay there by the side of the road, a +great white shape. + +And they say the children wuz skairt, and cried when they went by +it--cried and wept. + +But I believe it wuz because they wuz cold and hungry that made 'em cry. +I don't believe it wuz the monument. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + +[Illustration:] + +A few days follerin' on and ensuin' after this +eppisode, Submit Tewksburv wuz a takin' supper with me. She had come +home with me from the meetin' house where we had been to work all day. + +I had urged her to stay, for she lived a mile further on the road, and +had got to walk home afoot. + +And she hain't any too well off, Submit hain't--she has to work hard for +every mite of food she eats, and clothes she wears, and fuel and lights, +etc., etc. + +So I keep her to dinners and suppers all I can, specially when we are +engaged in meetin' house work, for as poor as Submit is, she will insist +on doin' for the meetin' house jest as much as any other female woman in +Jonesville. + +She is quite small boneded, and middlin' good lookin' for a women of her +years. She has got big dark eyes, very soft and mellow lookin' in +expression--and a look deep down into 'em, as if she had been waitin' +for something, for some time. Her hair is gettin' quite gray now, but +its original color was auburn, and she has got quite a lot of it--kinder +crinkly round her forward. Her complexion is pale. She is a very good +lookin' woman yet, might marry any day of the week now, I hain't no +doubt of it. She is a single woman, but is well thought on in +Jonesville, and the southern part of Zoar, where she has relatives on +her mother's side. + +[Illustration: SUBMIT TEWKSBURY.] + +She has had chances to my certain knowledge (widowers and such). + +But if all the men in the world should come and stand in rows in front +of her gate with gilded crowns in their hands all ready to crown her, +and septers all ready for her to grasp holt of, and wield over the +world, she would refuse every one of 'em. + +She has had a disappointment, Submit has. And she looked at the world so +long through tears, that the world got to lookin' sort o' dim like and +shadowy to her, and the whole men race looked to her fur off and misty, +as folks will when you look at 'em through a rain. + +She couldn't marry one of them shadows of men, if she tried, and she +hain't never tried. No, her heart always has been, and is now, fur away, +a-travellin' through unknown regions, unknown, and yet more real to her +than Jonesville or Zoar, a-follerin' the one man in the world who is a +reality to her. Submit wuz engaged to a young Methodist minister by the +name of Samuel Danker. I remember him well. A good lookin' young fellow +at the time, with blue eyes and light hair, ruther long and curly, and +kinder wavin' back from his forward, and a deep spiritual look in his +eyes. In fact, his eyes looked right through the fashions and follys of +the civilized world, into the depths of ignorance, rivers of ruin and +despair, that wuz a-washin' over a human race, black jungles where naked +sin and natural depravities crouched hungry for victims. + +Samuel Danker felt that he had got to go into heathen lands as a +missionary. He wuz engaged to Submit, and loved her dearly, and he urged +her to go too. + +But Submit had a invalid father on her hands, a bed rid grandfather, and +three young brothers, too young to earn a thing, and they all on 'em +together hadn't a cent of money to their names. They had twenty-five +acres of middlin' poor land, and a old house. + +Wall, Submit felt that she couldn't leave these helpless ones and go +to more foreign heathen lands. So, with a achin' heart, she let Samuel +Danker go from her, for he felt a call, loud, and she couldn't counsel +him to shet up his ears, or put cotton into 'em. Submit Tewksbury had +always loved and worked for the Methodist meetin' house (she jined it +on probation when she wuz thirteen). But although she always had been +extremely liberal in givin', and had made a practice of contributin' +every cent she could spare to the meetin' house, it wuz spozed that +Samuel Danker wuz the biggest offerin' she had ever give to it. + +Fur it wuz known that he went to her the night before he sot sail, took +supper with her, and told her she should decide the matter for him, +whether he went or whether he staid. + +It wuz spozed his love for Submit wuz so great that it made him waver +when the time come that he must leave her to her lot of toil and +sacrifice and loneliness. + +But Submit loved the Methodist meetin' house to that extent, she leaned +so hard on the arm of Duty, that she nerved up her courage anew, refused +to accept the sacrifice of his renunciation, bid him go to his great +work, and quit himself like a man--told him she would always love him, +pray for him, be constant to him. And she felt that the Master they both +wanted to serve would some day bring him back to her. + +So he sailed away to his heathens--and Submit stayed to home with her +five helpless males and her achin' heart. And if I had to tell which +made her the most trouble, I couldn't to save my life. + +She knew the secret of her achin' heart, and the long dark nights she +kep awake with it. The neighbors couldn't understand that exactly, for +there hain't no language been discovered yet that will give voice to +the silent crys of a breakin' heart, a tender heart, a constant heart, +cryin' out acrost the grayness of dreary days acrost the blackness of +lonely nights. + +But we could see her troubles with the peevish paralasys of age, with +the tremendus follys of undisciplined youth. + +But Submit took care of the hull caboodle of 'em; worked out some by +days' works, to get more necessaries for 'em than the poor little +farm would bring in; nursed the sick on their sick-beds and on their +death-beds, till she see 'em into Heaven--or that is where we spoze +they went to, bein' deservin' old males both on 'em, her father and her +grandfather, and in full connectin with the Methodist Episcopel meetin' +house. + +She took care of her young brothers, patient with 'em always, ready to +mend bad rents in their clothin' and their behavior--tryin' to prop up +their habits and their morals, givin' 'em all the schoolin' she could, +givin' 'em all a good trade, all but the youngest, him she kep with her +always till the Lord took him (scarlet fever), took him to learn the +mysterius trade of the immortals. + +Submit had a hard fit of sickness after that. And when she got up agin, +there wuz round her pale forward a good many white hairs that wuz orburn +before the little boy went away from her. + +Sense that, the other boys have married, and Submit has lived alone in +the old farm-house, lettin' the farm out on shares. It is all run +down; she don't get much from it; it don't yield much but trouble and +burdocks, but as little as she gets, she always will, as I say, do her +full share, and more than her share, for the meetin' house. + +[Illustration: "HE TOOK SUPPER WITH HER FOR THE LAST TIME."] + +Some think it is on account of her inherient goodness, and some think +it is on account of Samuel Danker. + +We all spose she hain't forgot Samuel. And they do say that every year +when the day comes round, that he took supper with her for the last +time, she puts a plate on for him--the very one he eat on last---a pink +edged chiny plate, with gilt sprigs, the last one left of her mother's +first set of chiny. + +That is what they _say_, I hain't never seen the plate. + +It is now about twenty years sense Samuel Danker went to heathen lands. +And as it wuz a man-eatin' tribe he went to preach to, and as he hain't +been heern of from that day to this, it is spozed that they eat him up +some years ago. + +But it is thought that Submit hain't gin up hope yet. We spoze so, but +don't know, on account of her never sayin' anything on the subject. But +we judge from the plate. + +Wall, as I say (and I have episoded fearfully, fearfully), Submit took +supper with me that night. And after Josiah had put out his horse (he +had been to Jonesville for the evenin' mail, and stopped for us at the +meetin' house on his way back), he took the _World_ out of his pocket, +and perused it for some time, and from that learned the great news that +wimmen wuz jest about to be held up agin, to see if her strength wuz +sufficient to set on the Conference. + +And oh! how Josiah Allen went on about it to Submit and me, all the +while we wuz a eatin' supper--and for more'n a hour afterwuds. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + + +Submit wuz very skairt to heern him go on (she felt more nervous on +account of an extra hard day's work), and I myself wuz beat out, but I +wuzn't afraid at all of him, though he did go on elegant, and dretful +empressive and even skairful. + +He stood up on the same old ground that men have always stood up on, +the ground of man's great strength and capability, and wimmen's utter +weakness, helplessness, and incapacity. Josiah enlarged almost wildly on +the subject of how high, how inaccessibley lofty the Conference wuz, and +the utter impossibility of a weak, helpless, fragaile bein' like a women +ever gettin' up on it, much less settin' on it. And then, oh how vividly +he depictered it, how he and every other male Methodist in the land +loved wimmen too well, worshipped 'em too deeply to put such a wearin' +job onto 'em. Oh how Josiah Allen soared up in eloquence. Submit shed +tears, or, that is, I thought she did--I see her wipe her eyes any way. +Some think that about the time the Samuel Danker anniversary comes +round, she is more nervous and deprested. It wuz very near now, and +take that with her hard work that day, it accounts some for her extra +depression--though, without any doubt, it wuz Josiah's talk that started +the tears. + +I couldn't bear to see Submit look so mournful and deprested, and so, +though I wuz that tired myself that I could hardly hold my head up, yet +I did take my bits in my teeth, as you may say, and asked him-- + +What the awful hard job wuz that he and other men wuz so anxus to ward +offen wimmen. + +And he sez, "Why, a settin' on the Conference." + +And I sez, "I don't believe that is such a awful hard job to tackle." + +"Yes, indeed, it is," sez Josiah in his most skairful axent, "yes, it +is." + +And he shook his head meenin'ly and impressively, and looked at me and +Submit in as mysterius and strange a way, es I have ever been looked at +in my life, and I have had dretful curius looks cast onto me, from first +to last. And he sez in them deep impressive axents of hisen, + +"You jest try it once, and see--I have sot on it, and I know." + +Josiah wuz sent once as a delegate to the Methodist Conference, so I +spozed he did know. + +But I sez, "Why you come home the second day when you sot as happy as a +king, and you told me how you had rested off durin' the two days, and +how you had visited round at Uncle Jenkins'es, and Cousin Henn's, and +you said that you never had had such a good time in your hull life, as +you did when you wuz a settin'. You looked as happy as a king, and acted +so." + +Josiah looked dumbfounded for most a quarter of a minute. For he knew my +words wuz as true es anything ever sot down in Matthew, Mark, or Luke, +or any of the other old patriarks. He knew it wuz Gospel truth, that +he had boasted of his good times a settin', and as I say for nearly a +quarter of a minute he showed plain signs of mortification. + +But almost imegietly he recovered himself, and went on with the doggy +obstinacy of his sect: "Oh, wall! Men can tackle hard jobs, and get some +enjoyment out of it too, when it is in the line of duty. One thing that +boys em' up, and makes em' happy, is the thought that they are a keepin' +trouble and care offen wimmen. That is a sweet thought to men, and +always wuz. And there wuz great strains put onto our minds, us men that +sot, that wimmen couldn't be expected to grapple with, and hadn't ort to +try to. It wuz a great strain onto us." + +"What was the nater of the strain?" sez I. "I didn't know as you did a +thing only sot still there and go to sleep. _You_ wuz fast asleep there +most the hull of the time, for it come straight to me from them that +know. And all that Deacon Bobbet did who went with you wuz to hold up +his hand two or three times a votin'. I shouldn't think that wuz so +awful wearin'." + +And agin I sez, "What wuz the strain?" + +But Josiah didn't answer, for that very minute he remembered a pressin' +engagement he had about borrowin' a plow. He said he had got to go up to +Joe Charnick's to get his plow. (I don't believe he wanted a plow that +time of night.) But he hurried away from the spot. And soon after Submit +went home lookin' more deprested and down-casted than ever. + +And Josiah Allen didn't get home till _late_ at night. I dare persume to +say it wuz as late as a quarter to nine when that man got back to the +bosom of his family. + +And I sot there all alone, and a-meditatin' on things, and a-wonderin' +what under the sun he wuz a-traipsin up to Joe Charnick's for at that +time of night, and a-worryin' some for fear he wuz a-keepin' Miss +Charnick up, and a-spozin' in my mind what Miss Charnick would do, to +get along with the meetin' house, and the Conference question, if she +wuz a member. (She is a _very_ sensible woman, Jenette Charnick is, +_very_, and a great favorite with me, and others.) + +And I got to thinkin' how prosperus and happy she is now, and how much +she had went through. And I declare the hull thing come back to me, all +the strange and curius circumstances connected with her courtship and +marriage, and I thought it all out agin, the hull story, from beginnin' +to end. + +The way it begun wuz--and the way Josiah Allen and me come to have any +connectin with the story wuz as follers: + +Some time ago, and previus, we had a widder come to stay with us a +spell, she that wuz Tamer Shelmadine, Miss Trueman Pool that now is. + +Her husband died several years ago, and left her not over and above +well off. And so she goes round a-visitin', and has went ever sense his +death. And finds sights of faults with things wherever she is, sights of +it. + +Trueman wuz Josiah's cousin, on his own side, and I always made a +practice of usin' her quite well. She used to live neighbor to me before +I wuz married, and she come and stayed nine weeks. + +She is a tall spindlin' woman, a Second Adventist by perswasion, and +weighs about ninety-nine pounds. + +Wall, as I say, she means middlin' well, and would be quite agreeable +if it wuzn't for a habit she has of thinkin' what she duz is a leetle +better than anybody else can do, and wantin' to tell a leetle better +story than anybody else can. + +Now she thinks she looks better than I do. But Josiah sez she can't +begin with me for looks, and I don't spoze she can, though of course it +hain't to be expected that I would want it told of that I said so. No, I +wouldn't want it told of pro or con, especially con. But I know Josiah +Allen has always been called a pretty good judge of wimmen's looks. + +[Illustration: "SHE IS A TALL SPINDLIN' WOMAN."] + +And now she thinks she can set hens better than I can--and make better +riz biscuit. She jest the same as told me so. Any way, the first time +I baked bread after she got here, she looked down on my loaves real +haughty, yet with a pityin' look, and sez: + +"It is very good for yeast, but I always use milk emptin's." + +And she kinder tested her head, and sort o' swept out of the room, not +with a broom, no, she would scorn to sweep out a room with a broom or +help me in any way, but she sort o' swept it out with her mean. But I +didn't care, I knew my bread wuz good. + +Now if anybody is sick, she will always tell of times when she has been +sicker. She boasts of layin' three nights and two days in a fit. But we +don't believe it, Josiah and me don't. That is, we don't believe she lay +there so long, a-runnin'. + +We believe she come out of 'em occasionally. + +But you couldn't get her to give off a hour or a minute of the time. +Three nights and two days she lay there a-runnin', so she sez, and she +has said it so long, that we spoze, Josiah and me do, that she believes +it herself now. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + + +Curius, hain't it? How folks will get to tellin' things, and finally +tell 'em so much, that finally they will get to believin' of 'em +themselves--boastin' of bein' rich, etc., or bad. Now I have seen folks +boast over that, act real haughty because they had been bad and got over +it. I've seen temperance lecturers and religious exhorters boast sights +and sights over how bad they had been. But they wuzn't tellin' the +truth, though they had told the same thing so much that probable they +had got to thinkin' so. + +But in the case of one man in petickuler, I found out for myself, for I +didn't believe what he wuz a sayin' any of the time. + +Why, he made out in evenin' meetin's, protracted and otherwise, that he +had been a awful villain. Why no pirate wuz ever wickeder than he made +himself out to be, in the old times before he turned round and become +pious. + +[Illustration: "HIS FACE WUZ A GOOD MORAL FACE."] + +But I didn't believe it, for he had a good look to his face, all but the +high headed look he had, and sort o' vain. + +But except this one look, his face wuz a good moral face, and I knew +that no man could cut up and act as he claimed that he had, without +carryin' some marks on the face of the cuttin' up, and also of the +actin'. + +And so, as it happened, I went a visitin' (to Josiah's relations) to the +very place where he had claimed to do his deeds of wild badness, and I +found that he had always been a pattern man--never had done a single +mean act, so fur as wuz known. + +Where wuz his boastin' then? As the Bible sez, why, it wuz all vain +talk. He had done it to get up a reputation. He had done it because he +wuz big feelin' and vain. And he had got so haughty over it, and had +told of it so much, that I spoze he believed in it himself. + +Curius! hain't it? But I am a eppisodin', and to resoom. Trueman's wife +would talk jest so, jest so haughty and high headed, about the world +comin' to a end. + +She'd dispute with everybody right up and down if they disagreed with +her--and specially about that religion of hern. How sot she wuz, how +extremely sot. + +But then, it hain't in me, nor never wuz, to fight anybody for any +petickuler religion of theirn. There is sights and sights of different +religions round amongst different friends of mine, and most all on 'em +quite good ones. + +That is, they are agreeable to the ones who believe in 'em, and not over +and above disagreeable to me. + +Now it seems to me that in most all of these different doctrines and +beliefs, there is a grain of truth, and if folks would only kinder hold +onto that grain, and hold themselves stiddy while they held onto it, +they would be better off. + +But most folks when they go to follerin' off a doctrine, they foller too +fur, they hain't megum enough. + +Now, for instance, when you go to work and whip anybody, or hang 'em, or +burn 'em up for not believin' as you do, that is goin' too fur. + +It has been done though, time and agin, in the world's history, and +mebby will be agin. + +But it hain't reasonable. Now what good will doctrines o' any kind do to +anybody after they are burnt up or choked to death? + +You see such things hain't bein' megum. Because I can't believe jest as +somebody else duz, it hain't for me to pitch at 'em and burn 'em up, or +even whip 'em. + +No, indeed! And most probable if I should study faithfully out their +beliefs, I would find one grain, or mebby a grain and a half of real +truth in it. + +[Illustration: "EF I FELL ON A STUN."] + +Now, for instance, take the doctrines of Christian Healin', or Mind +Cure. Now I can't exactly believe that if I fell down and hurt my head +on a stun--I cannot believe as I am a layin' there, that I hain't fell, +and there hain't no stun--and while I am a groanin' and a bathin' the +achin' bruise in anarky and wormwood, I can't believe that there hain't +no such thing as pain, nor never wuz. + +No, I can't believe this with the present light I have got on the +subject. + +But yet, I have seen them that this mind cure religion had fairly riz +right up, and made 'em nigher to heaven every way--so nigh to it that +seemin'ly a light out of some of its winders had lit up their faces with +its glowin' repose, its sweet rapture. + +I've seen 'em, seen 'em as the Patent Medicine Maker observes so +frequently, "before and after takin'." + +Folks that wuz despondent and hopeless, and wretched actin', why, this +belief made 'em jest blossom right out into a state of hopefulness, and +calmness, and joy--refreshin' indeed to contemplate. + +Wall now, the idee of whippin' anybody for believin' anything that +brings such a good change to 'em, and fills them and them round 'em with +so much peace and happiness. + +Why, I wouldn't do it for a dollar bill. And as for hangin' 'em, and +brilin' 'em on gridirons, etc., why, that is entirely out of the +question, or ort to be. + +And now, it don't seem to me that I ever could make a tree walk off, by +lookin' at it, and commandin' it to--or call some posys to fall down +into my lap, right through, the plasterin'-- + +Or send myself, or one of myselfs, off to Injy, while the other one of +me stayed to Jonesville. + +Now, honestly speakin', it don't seem to me that I ever could learn to +do this, not at my age, any way, and most dead with rheumatiz a good +deal of the time. + +I most know I couldn't. + +But then agin I have seen believers in Theosiphy that could do wonders, +and seemed indeed to have got marvelous control over the forces of +Natur. + +And now the idee of my whippin' 'em for it. Why you wouldn't ketch me at +it. + +And Spiritualism now! I spoze, and I about know that there are lots +of folks that won't ever see into any other world than this, till the +breath leaves their body. + +Yet i've seen them, pure sweet souls too, as I ever see, whose eyes +beheld blessed visions withheld from more material gaze. + +Yes, i've neighbored with about all sorts of religius believers, and +never disputed that they had a right to their own religion. + +And I've seen them too that didn't make a practice of goin' to any +meetin' houses much, who lived so near to God and his angels that they +felt the touch of angel hands on their forwards every day of their +lives, and you could see the glow of the Fairer Land in their rapt eyes. + +They had outgrown the outward forms of religion that had helped them +at first, jest as children outgrow the primers and ABC books of thier +childhood and advance into the higher learnin'. + +I've seen them folks i've neighbored with 'em. Human faults they had, +or God would have taken them to His own land before now. Their +imperfections, I spoze sort o' anchored 'em here for a spell to a +imperfect world. + +But you could see, if you got nigh enough to their souls to see anything +about 'em--you could see that the anchor chains wuz slight after all, +and when they wuz broke, oh how lightly and easily they would sail away, +away to the land that their rapt souls inhabited even now. + +Yes, I've seen all sorts of religius believers and I wuzn't goin' to be +too hard on Tamer for her belief, though I couldn't believe as she did. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + + +He come to our house a visitin' along the first week in June, and the +last day in June wuz the day they had sot for the world to come to an +end. I, myself, didn't believe she knew positive about it, and Josiah +didn't either. And I sez to her, "The Bible sez that it hain't agoin' +to be revealed to angels even, or to the Son himself, but only to the +Father when that great day shall be." And sez I to Trueman's wife, sez +I, "How should _you_ be expected to know it?" + +Sez she, with that same collected together haughty look to her, "My name +wuzn't mentioned, I believe, amongst them that _wuzn't_ to know it!" + +And of course I had to own up that it wuzn't. But good land! I didn't +believe she knew a thing more about it than I did, but I didn't dispute +with her much, because she wuz one of the relatives on his side--you +know you have to do different with 'em than you do with them on your own +side--you have to. And then agin, I felt that if it didn't come to an +end she would be convinced that she wuz in the wrong on't, and if she +did we should both of us be pretty apt to know it, so there wuzn't much +use in disputin' back and forth. + +But she wuz firm as iron in her belief. And she had come up visitin' to +our home, so's to be nigh when Trueman riz. Trueman wuz buried in the +old Risley deestrict, not half a mile from us on a back road. And she +naterally wanted to be round at the time. + +She said plain to me that Trueman never could seem to get along without +her. And though she didn't say it right out, she carried the idea (and +Josiah resented it because Trueman was a favorite cousin of his'n on +his own side.) She jest the same as said right out that Trueman, if she +wuzn't by him to tend to him, would be jest as apt to come up wrong end +up as any way. + +Josiah didn't like it at all. + +Wall, she had lived a widowed life for a number of years, and had said +right out, time and time agin, that she wouldn't marry agin. But Josiah +thought, and I kinder mistrusted myself, that she wuz kinder on the +lookout, and would marry agin if she got a chance--not fierce, you know, +or anything of that kind, but kinder quietly lookin' out and standin' +ready. That wuz when she first come; but before she went away she acted +fierce. + +[Illustration: "BURIED IN THE OLD RISLEY DEESIRICT."] + +Wall, there wuz sights of Adventists up in the Risley deestrict, and +amongst the rest wuz an old bachelder, Joe Charnick. + +And Joe Charnick wuz, I s'poze, of all Advents, the most Adventy. He +jest _knew_ the world wuz a comin' to a end that very day, the last day +of June, at four o'clock in the afternoon. And he got his robe all made +to go up in. It wuz made of a white book muslin, and Jenette Finster +made it. Cut it out by one of his mother's nightgowns--so she told me in +confidence, and of course I tell it jest the same; I want it kep. + +She was afraid Joe wouldn't like it, if he knew she took the nightgown +for a guide, wantin' it, as he did, for a religious purpose. + +But, good land! as I told her, religion or not, anybody couldn't cut +anything to look anyhow without sumpthin' fora guide, and she bein' an +old maiden felt a little delicate about measurin' him. + +His mother wuz as big round as he wuz, her weight bein' 230 by the +steelyards, and she allowed 2 fingers and a half extra length--Joe is +tall. She gathered it in full round the neck, and the sleeves (at his +request) hung down like wings, a breadth for each wing wuz what she +allowed. Jenette owned up to me (though she wouldn't want it told of +for the world, for it had been sposed for years, that he and she had a +likin' for each other, and mebby would make a match some time, though +what they had been a-waitin' for for the last 10 years nobody knew). But +she allowed to me that when he got his robe on, he wuz the worst lookin' +human bein' that she ever laid eyes on, and sez she, for she likes a +joke, Jenette duz: "I should think if Joe looked in the glass after he +got it on, his religion would be a comfort to him; I should think he +would be glad the world _wuz_ comin' to a end." + +But he _didn't_ look at the glass, Jenette said he didn't; he wanted to +see if it wuz the right size round the neck. Joe hain't handsome, but +he is kinder good-lookin', and he is a good feller and got plenty to do +with, but bein' kinder big-featured, and tall, and hefty, he must +have looked like fury in the robe. But he is liked by everybody, and +everybody is glad to see him so prosperous and well off. + +He has got 300 acres of good land, "be it more or less," as the deed +reads; 30 head of cows, and 7 head of horses (and the hull bodies of +'em). And a big sugar bush, over 1100 trees, and a nice little sugar +house way up on a pretty side hill amongst the maple trees. A good, big, +handsome dwellin' house, a sort of cream color, with green blinds; big +barn, and carriage house, etc., etc., and everything in the very best of +order. He is a pattern farmer and a pattern son--yes, Joe couldn't be a +more pattern son if he acted every day from a pattern. + +He treats his mother dretful pretty, from day to day. She thinks that +there hain't nobody like Joe; and it wuz s'pozed that Jenette thought so +too. + +But Jenette is, and always wuz, runnin' over with common sense, and she +always made fun and laughed at Joe when he got to talkin' about his +religion, and about settin' a time for the world to come to a end. And +some thought that that wuz one reason why the match didn't go off, for +Joe likes her, everybody could see that, for he wuz jest such a great, +honest, open-hearted feller, that he never made any secret of it. +And Jenette liked Joe _I_ knew, though she fooled a good many on the +subject. But she wuz always a great case to confide in me, and though +she didn't say so right out, which wouldn't have been her way, for, as +the poet sez, she wuzn't one "to wear her heart on the sleeves of her +bask waist," still, I knew as well es I wanted to, that she thought her +eyes of him. And old Miss Charnick jest about worshipped Jenette, would +have her with her, sewin' for her, and takin' care of her--she wuz sick +a good deal, Mother Charnick wuz. And she would have been tickled most +to death to have had Joe marry her and bring her right home there. + +And Jenette wuz a smart little creeter, "smart as lightnin'," as Josiah +always said. + +She had got along in years, Jenette had, without marryin', for she staid +to hum and took care of her old father and mother and Tom. The other +girls married off, and left her to hum, and she had chances, so it wuz +said, good ones, but she wouldn't leave her father and mother, who wuz +gettin' old, and kinder bed-rid, and needed her. Her father, specially, +said he couldn't live, and wouldn't try to, if Jenette left 'em, but he +said, the old gentleman did, that Jenette should be richly paid for her +goodness to 'em. + +That wuzn't what made Jenette good, no, indeed; she did it out of the +pure tenderness and sweetness of her nature and lovin'heart. But I used +to love to hear the old gentleman talk that way, for he wuz well off, +and I felt that so far as money could pay for the hull devotion of a +life, why, Jenette would be looked out for, and have a good home, and +enough to do with. So she staid to hum, as I say, and took care of'em +night and day; sights of watching and wearisome care she had, poor +little creeter; but she took the best of care of 'em, and kep 'em kinder +comforted up, and clean, and brought up Tom, the youngest boy, by hand, +and thought her eyes on him. + +And he wuz a smart chap--awful smart, as it proved in the end; for he +married when he wuz 21, and brought his wife (a disagreeable creeter) +home to the old homestead, and Jenette, before they had been there 2 +weeks, wuz made to feel that her room wuz better than her company. + +That wuz the year the old gentleman died; her mother had died 3 months +prior and beforehand. + +Her brother, as I said, wur smart, and he and his wife got round the old +man in some way and sot him against Jenette, and got everything he had. + +He wuz childish, the old man wuz; used to try to put his pantaloons on +over his head, and get his feet into his coat sleeves, etc., etc. + +And he changed his will, that had gi'n Jenette half the property, a good +property, too, and gi'n it all to Tom, every mite of it, all but one +dollar, which Jenette never took by my advice. + +For I wuz burnin' indignant at old Mr. Finster and at Tom. Curius, to +think such a girl as Jenette had been--such a patient, good creeter, and +such a good-tempered one, and everything--to think her pa should have +forgot all she had done, and suffered, and gi'n up for 'em, and give +the property all to that boy, who had never done anything only to spend +their money and make Jenette trouble. + +But then, I s'poze it wuz old Mr. Finster's mind, or the lack on't, and +I had to stand it, likewise so did Jenette. + +But I never sot a foot into Tom Finster's house, not a foot after that +day that Jenette left it. I wouldn't. But I took her right to my house, +and kep her for 9 weeks right along, and wuz glad to. + +That wuz some 10 years prior and before this, and she had gone round +sewin' ever sense. And she wuz beloved by everybody, and had gone round +highly respected, and at seventy-five cents a day. + +Her troubles, and everybody that knew her, knew how many she had of 'em, +but she kep 'em all to herself, and met the world and her neighbors with +a bright face. + +If she took her skeletons out of the closet to air 'em, and I s'poze she +did, everybody duz; they have to at times, to see if their bones are in +good order, if for nothin' else. But if she ever did take 'em out and +dust 'em, she did it all by herself. The closet door wuz shet up and +locked when anybody wuz round. And you would think, by her bright, +laughin' face, that she never heard the word skeleton, or ever listened +to the rattle of a bone. + +And she kep up such a happy, cheerful look on the outside, that I s'poze +it ended by her bein' cheerful and happy on the inside. + +The stiddy, good-natured, happy spirit that she cultivated at first +by hard work, so I s'poze; but at last it got to be second nater, +the qualities kinder struck in and she _wuz_ happy, and she _wuz_ +contented--that is, I s'poze so. + +Though I, who knew Jenette better than anybody else, almost, knew how +tuff, how fearful tuff it must have come on her, to go round from home +to home--not bein' settled down at home anywhere. I knew jest what a +lovin' little home body she wuz. And how her sweet nater, like the sun, +would love to light up one bright lovin' home, and shine kinder stiddy +there, instead of glancin' and changin' about from one place to another, +like a meteor. + +Some would have liked it; some like change and constant goin' about, and +movin' constantly through space--but I knew Jenette wuzn't made on the +meteor plan. I felt sorry for Jenette, down deep in my heart, I did; but +I didn't tell her so; no, she wouldn't have liked it; she kep a brave +face to the world. And as I said, her comin' wuz looked for weeks and +weeks ahead, in any home where she wuz engaged to sew by the day. + +Everybody in the house used to feel the presence of a sunshiny, cheerful +spirit. One that wuz determined to turn her back onto troubles she +couldn't help and keep her face sot towards the Sun of Happiness. One +who felt good and pleasant towards everybody, wished everybody well. +One who could look upon other folks'es good fortune without a mite +of jealousy or spite. One who loved to hear her friends praised and +admired, loved to see 'em happy. And if they had a hundred times the +good things she had, why, she was glad for their sakes, that they had +'em, she loved to see 'em enjoy 'em, if she couldn't. + +And she wuz dretful kinder cunnin' and cute, Jenette wuz. She would make +the oddest little speeches; keep everybody laughin' round her, when she +got to goin'. + +[Illustration: "Dretful kinder cunnin' and cute, Jenette wuz."] + +Yes, she wuz liked dretful well, Jenette wuz. Her face has a kind of a +pert look on to it, her black eyes snap, a good-natured snap, though, +and her nose turns up jest enough to look kinder cunnin', and her hair +curls all over her head. + +Smart round the house she is, and Mother Charnick likes that, for she is +a master good housekeeper. Smart to answer back and joke. Joe is slow of +speech, and his big blue eyes won't fairly get sot onto anything, before +Jenette has looked it all through, and turned it over, and examined it +on the other side, and got through with it. + +Wall, she wuz to work to Mother Charnick's makin' her a black alpacka +dress, and four new calico ones, and coverin' a parasol. + +A good many said that Miss Charnick got dresses a purpose for Jenette to +make, so's to keep her there. Jenette wouldn't stay there a minute only +when she wuz to work, and as they always kep a good, strong, hired girl, +she knew when she wuz needed, and when she wuzn't. But, of course, she +couldn't refuse to sew for her, and at what she wuz sot at, though she +must have known and felt that Miss Charnick wuz lavish in dresses. She +had 42 calico dresses, and everybody knew it, new ones, besides woosted. +But, anyway, there she was a sewin' when the word came that the world +was a comin' to a end on the 30th day of June, at 4 o'clock in the +afternoon. + +Miss Charnick wuz a believer, but not to the extent that Joe was. For +Jenette asked her if she should stop sewin', not sposin' that she would +need the dresses, specially the four calico ones, and the parasol in +case of the world's endin'. + +And she told Jenette, and Jenette told me, so's I know it is true, "that +she might go right on, and get the parasol cover, and the trimmins to +the dresses, cambrick, and linin' and things, and hooks and eyes." + +And Miss Charnick didn't prepare no robe. But Jenette mistrusted, though +Miss Charnick is close-mouthed, and didn't say nothin', but Jenette +mistrusted that she laid out, when she sees signs, to use a nightgown. + +She had piles of the nicest ones, that Jenette had made for her from +time to time, over 28, all trimmed off nice enough for day dresses, so +Jenette said, trimmed with tape trimmin's, some of 'em, and belted down +in front. + +Wall, they had lots of meetin's at the Risley school-house, as the time +drew near. And Miss Trueman Pool went to every one on 'em. + +She had been too weak to go out to the well, or to the barn. She wanted +dretfully to see some new stanchils that Josiah had been a makin', jest +like some that Pool had had in his barn. She wanted to see 'em dretful, +but was too weak to walk. And I had had kind of a tussle in my own mind, +whether or not I should offer to let Josiah carry her out; but kinder +hesitated, thinkin' mebby she would get stronger. + +But I hain't jealous, not a mite. It is known that I hain't all through +Jonesville and Loontown. No, I'd scorn it. I thought Pool's wife would +get better and she did. + +One evenin' Joe Charnick came down to bring home Josiah's augur, and +the conversation turned onto Adventin'. And Miss Pool see that Joe wuz +congenial on that subject; he believed jest as she did, that the world +would come to an end the 30th. This was along the first part of the +month. + +[Illustration: "Joe Charnick came down to bring home Josiah's augur."] + +He spoke of the good meetin's they wuz a-havin' to the Risley school- +house, and how he always attended to every one on 'em. And the next +mornin' Miss Trueman Pool gin out that she wuz a-goin' that evenin'. It +wuz a good half a mile away, and I reminded her that Josiah had to be +away with the team, for he wuz a-goin' to Loontown, heavy loaded, and +wouldn't get back till along in the evenin'. + +But she said "that she felt that the walk would do her good." + +I then reminded her of the stanchils, but she said "stanchils and +religion wuz two separate things." Which I couldn't deny, and didn't try +to. And she sot off for the school-house that evenin' a-walkin' a foot. +And the rest of her adventins and the adventins of Joe I will relate in +another epistol; and I will also tell whether the world come to an end +or not. I know folks will want to know, and I don't love to keep folks +in onxiety--it hain't my way. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + + +Wall, from that night, Miss Trueman Pool attended to the meetins at the +Risley school-house, stiddy and constant. And before the week wuz out +Joe Charnick had walked home with her twice. And the next week he +carried her to Jonesville to get the cloth for her robe, jest like +his'n, white book muslin. And twice he had come to consult her on a +Bible passage, and twice she had walked up to his mother's to consult +with her on a passage in the Apockraphy. And once she went up to see if +her wings wuz es deep and full es his'n. She wanted 'em jest the same +size. + +Miss Charnick couldn't bear her. Miss Charnick wuz a woman who had +enjoyed considerble poor health in her life, and she had now, and had +been havin' for years, some dretful bad spells in her stomach--a sort of +a tightness acrost her chest. And Trueman's wife argued with her that +her spells had been worse, and her chest had been tighter. And the +old lady didn't like that at all, of course. And the old lady took +thoroughwert for 'em, and Trueman's wife insisted on't that thoroughwert +wuz tightenin'. + +And then there wuz some chickens in a basket out on the stoop, that the +old hen had deserted, and Miss Charnick wuz a bringin' 'em up by hand. +And Mother Chainick went out to feed 'em, and Trueman's wife tosted her +head and said, "she didn't approve of it--she thought a chicken ought to +be brung up by a hen." + +But Miss Charnick said, "Why, the hen deserted 'em; they would have +perished right there in the nest." + +But Trueman's wife wouldn't gin in, she stuck right to it, "that it wuz +a hen's business, and nobody else's." + +And of course she had some sense on her side, for of course it is a +hen's business, her duty and her prevelege to bring up her chickens. But +if she won't do it, why, then, somebody else has got to--they ought to +be brung. I say Mother Charnick wuz in the right on't. But Trueman's +wife had got so in the habit of findin' fault, and naggin' at me, and +the other relations on Trueman's side and hern, that she couldn't seem +to stop it when she knew it wuz for her interest to stop. + +And then she ketched a sight of the alpacker dress Jenette wuz a-makin' +and she said "that basks had gone out." + +And Miss Charnick was over partial to 'em (most too partial, some +thought), and thought they wuz in the height of the fashion. But +Trueman's wife ground her right down on it. + +"Basks _wuz out_, fer she knew it, she had all her new ones made +polenay." + +And hearin' 'em argue back and forth for more'n a quarter of an hour, +Jenette put in and sez (she thinks all the world of Mother Charnick), +"Wall, I s'pose you won't take much good of your polenays, if you have +got so little time to wear 'em." + +And then Trueman's wife (she wuz meen-dispositioned, anyway) said +somethin' about "hired girls keepin' their place." + +And then Mother Charnick flared right up and took Jenette's part. And +Joe's face got red; he couldn't bear to see Jenette put upon, if she wuz +makin' fun of his religeon. And Trueman's wife see that she had gone too +fur, and held herself in, and talked good to Jenette, and flattered up +Joe, and he went home with her and staid till ten o'clock. + +They spent a good deal of their time a-huntin' up passages, to prove +their doctrine, in the Bible, and the Apockraphy, and Josephus, and +others. + +It beat all how many Trueman's wife would find, and every one she found +Joe would seem to think the more on her. And so it run along, till folks +said they wuz engaged, and Josiah and me thought so, too. + +And though Jenette wuzn't the one to say anything, she begun to look +kinder pale and mauger. And when I spoke of it to her, she laid it to +her liver. And I let her believe I thought so too. And I even went so +fur as to recommend tansey and camomile tea, with a little catnip mixed +in--I did it fur blinders. I knew it wuzn't her liver that ailed her. I +knew it wuz her heart. I knew it wuz her heart that wuz a-achin'. + +Wall, we had our troubles, Josiah and me did. Trueman's wife wuz dretful +disagreeable, and would argue us down, every separate thing we tried to +do or say. And she seemed more high-headed and disagreeable than ever +sence Joe had begun to pay attention to her. Though what earthly good +his attention wuz a-goin' to do, wuz more than I could see, accordin' to +her belief. + +But Josiah said, "he guessed Joe wouldn't have paid her any attention, +if he hadn't thought that the world wuz a-comin' to a end so soon. He +guessed he wouldn't want her round if it wuz a-goin' to stand." + +Sez I, "Josiah, you are a-judgin' Joe by yourself." And he owned up that +he wuz. + +Wall, the mornin' of the 30th, after Josiah and me had eat our +breakfast, I proceeded to mix up my bread. I had set the yeast +overnight, and I wuz a mouldin' it out into tins when Trueman's wife +come down-stairs with her robe over her arm. She wanted to iron it out +and press the seams. + +I had baked one tin of my biscuit for breakfast, and I had kep 'em warm +for Trueman's wife, for she had been out late the night before to a +meetin' to Risley school-house, and didn't come down to breakfast. I +had also kep some good coffee warm for her, and some toast and steak. + +She laid her robe down over a chair-back, and sot down to her breakfast, +but begun the first thing to find fault with me for bein' to work on +that day. She sez, "The idee, of the last day of the world, and you +a-bein' found makin' riz biscuit, yeast ones!" sez she. + +"Wall," sez I, "I don't know but I had jest as soon be found a-makin' +riz biscuit, a-takin' care of my own household, as the Lord hes +commanded me to, as to be found a-sailin' round in a book muslin Mother +Hubbard." + +"It hain't a Mother Hubbard!" sez she. + +"Wall," sez I, "I said it for oritory. But it is puckered up some like +them, and you know it." Hers wuz made with a yoke. + +And Josiah sot there a-fixin' his plantin' bag. He wuz a-goin' out that +mornin' to plant over some corn that the crows had pulled up. And she +bitterly reproved him. But he sez, "If the world don't come to a end, +the corn will be needed." + +"But it will," she sez in a cold, haughty tone. + +[Illustration: "WALL," SEZ HE, "IF IT DOES, I MAY AS WELL BE DOIN' +THAT AS TO BE SETTIN' ROUND."] + +"Wall," sez he, "if it does, I may as well be a-doin' that as to be +settin' round." And he took his plantin' bag and went out. And then she +jawed me for upholdin' him. + +And sez she, as she broke open a biscuit and spread it with butter +previous to eatin' it, sez she, "I should think _respect_, respect for +the great and fearful thought of meetin' the Lord, would scare you out +of the idea of goin' on with your work." + +Sez I calmly, "Does it scare you, Trueman's wife?" + +"Wall, not exactly scare," sez she, "but lift up, lift up far above +bread and other kitchen work." + +And again she buttered a large slice, and I sez calmly, "I don't s'poze +I should be any nearer the Lord than I am now. He sez He dwells inside +of our hearts, and I don't see how He could get any nearer to us than +that. And anyway, what I said to you I keep a-sayin', that I think He +would approve of my goin' on calm and stiddy, a-doin' my best for the +ones He put in my charge here below, my husband, my children, and my +grandchildren." (I some expected Tirzah Ann and the babe home that day +to dinner.) + +"Wall, you feel very diffrent from some wimmen that wuz to the +school-house last night, and act very diffrent. They are good Christian +females. It is a pity you wuzn't there. P'raps your hard heart would +have melted, and you would have had thoughts this mornin' that would +soar up above riz biscuit." + +And as she sez this she begun on her third biscuit, and poured out +another cup of coffee. And I, wantin' to use her well, sez, "What did +they do there?" + +"Do!" sez she, "why, it wuz the most glorious meetin' we ever had. Three +wimmen lay at one time perfectly speechless with the power. And some of +em' screemed so you could hear 'em fer half a mile." + +I kep on a-mouldin' my bread out into biscuit (good shaped ones, too, if +I do say it), and sez calmly, "Wall, I never wuz much of a screemer. I +have always believed in layin' holt of the duty next to you, and doin' +_some_ things, things He has _commanded_. Everybody to their own way. +I don't condemn yourn, but I have always seemed to believe more in the +solid, practical parts of religion, than the ornimental. I have always +believed more in the power of honesty, truth, and justice, than in the +power they sometimes have at camp and other meetins. Howsumever," sez I, +"I don't say but what that power is powerful, to the ones that have it, +only I wuz merely observin' that it never wuz _my_ way to lay speechless +or holler much--not that I consider hollerin' wrong, if you holler from +principle, but I never seemed to have a call to." + +"You would be far better if you did," sez Trueman's wife, "far better. +But you hain't good enough." + +"Oh!" sez I, reasonably, "I could holler if I wanted to, but the Lord +hain't deef. He sez specilly, that He hain't, and so I never could see +the _use_ in hollerin' to Him. And I never could see the use of tellin' +Him in public so many things as some do. Why He _knows_ it. He _knows_ +all these things. He don't need to have you try to enlighten Him as if +you wuz His gardeen--as I have heard folks do time and time agin. He +_knows_ what we are, what we need. I am glad, Trueman's wife," sez I, +"that He can look right down into our hearts, that He is right there in +'em a-knowin' all about us, all our wants, our joys, our despairs, our +temptations, our resolves, our weakness, our blindness, our defects, our +regrets, our remorse, our deepest hopes, our inspiration, our triumphs, +our glorys. But when He _is_ right there, in the midst of our soul, our +life, why, _why_ should we kneel down in public and holler at Him?" + +"You would be glad to if you wuz good enough," sez she; "if you had +attained unto a state of perfection, you would feel like it." + +That kinder riled me up, and I sez, "Wall, I have lived in this house +with them that wuz perfect, and that is bad enough for me, without bein' +one of 'em myself. For more disagreeable creeters," sez I, a prickin' my +biscuit with a fork, "more disagreeable creeters I never laid eyes on." + +Trueman's wife thinks she is perfect, she has told me so time and +agin--thinks she hain't done anything wrong in upwards of a number of +years. + +But she didn't say nothin' to this, only begun agin about the wickedness +and immorality of my makin' riz biscuit that mornin', and the deep +disgrace of Josiah Allen keepin' on with his work. + +But before I could speak up and take his part, for I _will_ not hear my +companion found fault with by any female but myself, she had gathered up +her robe, and swept upstairs with it, leavin' orders for a flatiron to +be sent up. + +Wall, the believers wuz all a-goin' to meet at the Risley school-house +that afternoon. They wuz about 40 of 'em, men and wimmen. And I told +Josiah at noon, I believed I would go down to the school-house to the +meetin'. And he a-feelin', I mistrust, that if they should happen to be +in the right on't, and the world should come to a end, he wanted to be +by the side of his beloved pardner, he offered to go too. But he never +had no robe, no, nor never thought of havin'. + +The Risley school-house stood in a clearin', and had tall stumps round +it in the door-yard. And we had heard that some of the believers wuz +goin' to get up on them stumps, so's to start off from there. And sure +enough, we found it wuz the calculation of some on 'em. + +The school-boys had made steps up the sides of some of the biggest +stumps, and lots of times in political meetin's men had riz up on 'em to +talk to the masses below. Why I s'poze a crowd of as many as 45 or 48, +had assembled there at one time durin' the heat of the campain. + +But them politicians had on their usual run of clothes, they didn't have +on white book muslin robes. Good land! + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + + +Wall, lots of folks had assembled to the school-house when we got there, +about 3 o'clock P.M.--afternoon. Believers, and world's people, all +a-settin' round on seats and stumps, for the school-house wuz small and +warm, and it wuz pleasanter out-doors. + +We had only been there a few minutes when Mother Charnick and Jenette +walked in. Joe had been there for sometime, and he and the Widder Pool +wuz a-settin' together readin' a him out of one book. Jenette looked +kinder mauger, and Trueman's wife looked haughtily at her, from over the +top of the him book. + +Mother Charnick had a woosted work-bag on her arm. There might have been +a night gown in it, and there might not. It wuz big enough to hold one, +and it looked sort o' bulgy. But it wuz never known--Miss Charnick is a +smart woman. It never wuz known what she had in the bag. + +Wall, the believers struck up a him, and sung it through--as mournful, +skairful sort of a him as I ever hearn in my hull life; and it swelled +out and riz up over the pine trees in a wailin', melancholy sort of a +way, and wierd--dretful wierd. + +And then a sort of a lurid, wild-looking chap, a minister, got up and +preached the wildest and luridest discourse I ever hearn in my hull +days. It wuz enough to scare a snipe. The very strongest and toughest +men there turned pale, and wimmen cried and wept on every side of me, +and wept and cried. + +I, myself, didn't weep. But I drawed nearer to my companion, and kinder +leaned up against him, and looked off on the calm blue heavens, the +serene landscape, and the shinin' blue lake fur away, and thought--jest +as true as I live and breathe, I thought that I didn't care much, if God +willed it to be so, that my Josiah and I should go side by side, that +very day and minute, out of the certainties of this life into the +mysteries of the other, out of the mysteries of this life into +the certainties of the other. + +[Illustration: "A SORT OF A LURID, WILD-LOOKING CHAP."] + +For, thinks I to myself, we have got to go into that other world pretty +soon, Josiah and me have. And if we went in the usual way, we had got to +go alone, each on us. Terrible thought! We who had been together under +shine and shade, in joy and sorrow. Our two hands that had joined at the +alter, and had clung so clost together ever sence, had got to leggo of +each other down there in front of the dark gateway. Solemn gateway! So +big that the hull world must pass through it--and yet so small that the +hull world has got to go through it alone, one at a time. + +My Josiah would have to stand outside and let me go down under the dark, +mysterious arches, alone--and he knows jest how I hate to go anywhere +alone, or else I would have to stop at the gate and bid him good-by. And +no matter how much we knocked at the gate, or how many tears we shed +onto it, we couldn't get through till our time come, we had _got_ to be +parted. + +And now if we went on this clear June day through the crystal gateway of +the bendin' heavens--we two would be together for weal or for woe. And +on whatever new, strange landscape we would have to look on, or wander +through, he would be right by me. Whatever strange inhabitants the +celestial country held, he would face 'em with me. Close, close by my +side, he would go with me through that blue, lovely gateway of the soft +June skies into the City of the King. And it wuz a sweet thought to me. + +Not that I really _wanted_ the world to come to a end that day. No, +I kinder wanted to live along for some time, for several reasons: My +pardner, the babe, the children, etc.; and then I kinder like to live +for the _sake_ of livin'. I enjoy it. + +But I can say, and say with truth, and solemnity, that the idee didn't +scare me none. And as my companion looked down in my face as the time +approached, I could see the same thoughts that wuz writ in my eyes +a-shinin' in his'n. + +Wall, as the pinter approached the hour, the excitement grew nearly, if +not quite rampant. The believers threw their white robes on over their +dresses and coats, and as the pinter slowly moved round from half-past +three to quarter to 4--and so on--they shouted, they sung, they prayed, +they shook each other's hands--they wuz fairly crazed with excitement +and fervor, which they called religion--for they wuz in earnest, nobody +could dispute that. + +Joe and Miss Pool kinder hung together all this time--though I ketched +him givin' several wistful looks at Jenette, as much as to say, "Oh, how +I hate to leave you, Jenette!" + +But Miss Pool would roust him up agin, and he would shout and sing with +the frienziedest and most zealousest of 'em. + +Mother Charnick stood with her bag in her hand, and the other hand on +the puckerin' string. I don't say what she had in the bag, but I do say +this, that she had it fixed so's she could have ondone it in a secont's +time. And her eyes wuz intent on the heavens overhead. But they kep +calm and serene and cloudless, nothin' to be seen there--no sign, no +change--and Ma Charnick kep still and didn't draw the puckerin' string. + +But oh, how excitement reined and grew rampant around that school-house! +Miss Pool and Joe seemin' to outdo all the rest (she always did try to), +till at last, jest as the pinter swung round to the very minute, Joe, +more than half by the side of himself, with the excitement he had been +in for a week, and bein' urged onto it by Miss Pool, as he sez to this +day, he jumped up onto the tall stump he had been a standin' by, and +stood there in his long white robe, lookin' like a spook, if anybody had +been calm enough to notice it, and he sung out in a clear voice--his +voice always did have a good honest ring to it: + + Farewell my friends, + Farewell my foes; + Up to Heaven + Joe Charnick goes. + +And jest as the clock struck, and they all shouted and screamed, he +waved his arms, with their two great white wings a-flutterin', and +sprung upwards, expectin' the hull world, livin' and dead, would foller +him--and go right up into the heavens. + +And Trueman's wife bein' right by the stump, waved her wings and jumped +too--jest the same direction es he jumped. But she only stood on a camp +chair, and when she fell, she didn't crack no bones, it only jarred her +dretfully, and hurt her across the small of her back, to that extent +that I kep bread and milk poultices on day and night for three weeks, +and lobelia and catnip, half and half; she a-arguin' at me every single +poultice I put on that it wuzn't her way of makin' poultices, nor her +way of applyin' of 'em. + +[Illustration: "FAREWELL MY FRIENDS, FAREWELL MY FOES."] + +I told her I didn't know of any other way of applyin' 'em to her back, +only to put 'em on it. But she insisted to the last that I didn't apply +'em right, and I didn't crumble the bread into the milk right, and the +lobelia wuzn't picked right, nor the catnip. + +Not one word did she ever speak about the end of the world--not a +word--but a-naggin' about everything else. + +Wall, I healed her after a time, and glad enough wuz I to see her +healed, and started off. + +But Joe Charnick suffered worse and longer. He broke his limb in two +places and cracked his rib. The bones of his arm wuz a good while +a-healin', and before they wuz healed he was wounded in a new place. + +He jest fell over head and ears in love with Jenette Finster. For bein' +shet up to home with his mother and her (his mother wouldn't hear to +Jenette leavin' her for a minute) he jest seemed to come to a full +realizin' sense of her sweet natur' and bright, obleegin' ways; and his +old affection for her bloomed out into the deepest and most idolatrous +love--Joe never could be megum. + +Jenette, and good enough for him, held him off for quite a spell--but +when he got cold and relapsted, and they thought he wuz goin' to die, +then she owned up to him that she worshipped him--and always had. + +And from that day he gained. Mother Charnick wuz tickled most to death +at the idea of havin' Jenette for her own girl--she thinks her eyes on +her, and so does Jenette of her. So it wuz agreeable as anything ever +wuz all around, if not agreeabler. + +Jest as quick as she got well enough to walk, and before he got out of +his bed, Trueman's wife walked over to see Joe. And Joe's mother hatin' +her so, wouldn't let her step her foot into the house. And Joe wuz glad +on't, so they say. + +Mother Charnick wuz out on the stoop in front of the house, when +Trueman's wife got there, and told her that they had to keep the house +still; that is, they say so, I don't know for certain, but they say that +Ma Charnick offered to take Trueman's wife out to see her chickens, the +ones she had brought up by hand, and Trueman's wife wantin' to please +her, so's to get in, consented. And Miss Charnick showed her the hull 14 +of 'em, all fat and flourishing--they wuz well took care of. And Miss +Charnick looked down on 'em fondly, and sez: + +"I lay out to have a good chicken pie the day that Joe and Jenette are +married." + +[Illustration: "I LAY OUT TO HAVE A GOOD CHICKEN PIE THE DAY THAT JOE +AND JENETTE ARE MARRIED."] + +"Married!" sez Trueman's wife, in faint and horrified axcents. "Yes, +they are goin' to be married jest as soon as my son gets well enough. +Jenette is fixin' a new dress for me to wear to the weddin'--with a +bask," sez she with emphasis. And es she said it, they say she stooped +down and gathered some sprigs of thoroughwert, a-mentionin' how much +store she set by it for sickness. + +But if she did, Trueman's wife didn't sense it, she wuz dumbfoundered +and sot back by the news. And she left my home and board the week before +the weddin'. + +They had been married about a year, when Jenette wuz here +a-visitin'--and she asked me in confidence (and it _must_ be kep, it +stands lo reason it must), "if I s'posed that book muslin robe would +make two little dresses?" + +And I told her, "Good land! yes, three on 'em," and it did. + +She dresses the child beautiful, and I don't know whether she would +want the neighbors to know jest what and when and where she gets the +materials-- + +It looks some like her and some like Joe--and they both think their eyes +on it--but old Miss Charnick worships it--Wall, though es I said (and I +have eppisoded to a extent that is almost onprecidented and onheard on). + +Though Josiah Allen made a excuse of borrowin' a plow (a _plow_, that +time of night) to get away from my arguments on the Conference, and +Submit's kinder skairt face, and so forth, and so on-- + +He resumed the conversation the next mornin' with more energy than ever. +(He never said nuthin' about the plow, and I never see no sign on it, +and don't believe he got it, or wanted it.) + +He resumed the subject, and kep on a-resumin' of it from day to day and +from hour to hour. + +He would nearly exhaust the subject at home, and then he would tackle +the wimmen on it at the Methodist Meetin' House, while we Methodist +wimmen wuz to work. + +After leavin' me to the meetin' house, Josiah would go on to the +post-office for his daily _World_, and then he would stop on his way +back to give us female wimmen the latest news from the Conference, and +give us his idees on't. + +[Illustration: "HE NEVER HAD TIME TO HELP."] + +And sometimes he would fairly harrow us to the very bone, with his +dretful imaginins and fears that wimmen would be allowed to overdo +herself, and ruin her health, and strain her mind, by bein' permitted to +set! + +Why Submit Tewksbury, and some of the other weaker sisters, would look +fairly wild-eyed for some time after he would go. + +He never could stay long. Sometimes we would beset him to stay and do +some little job for us, to help us along with our work, such as liftin' +somethin' or movin' some bench, or the pulpit, or somethin'. + +But he never had the time; he always had to hasten home to get to work. +He wuz in a great hurry with his spring's work, and full of care about +that buzz saw mill. + +And that wuz how it wuz with every man in the meetin' house that wuz +able to work any. They wuz all in a hurry with their spring's work, and +their buzz saws, and fheir inventions, and their agencys, etc., etc., +etc. + +And that wuz the reason why we wimmen wuz havin' such a hard job on the +meetin' house. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + + +You see the way on't wuz: we had to do sumthin' to raise the minister's +salary, which wuz most half a year behindhand, to say nothin' of the +ensuin' year a-comin'. And as I have hinted at before but hain't gi'n +petickulers, the men in the meetin' house had all gi'n out, and said +they had gi'n every cent they could, and they couldn't and they wouldn't +do any more, any way. + +As I have said more formally, there wuz a hardness arozen amongst the +male brethern. + +Deacon Peedick thought he had gi'n more than his part in proportion, and +come right out plain and said so. + +And Deacon Bobbet said "he wuzn't the man to stand it to be told right +to his face that he hadn't done his share," and he said "he wuzn't the +man either, to be hinted at from the pulpit about things." I don't +believe he wuz hinted at, and Sister Bobbet don't And she felt like +death to have him so riz up in his mind, and act so. I know what the +tex' wuz; it wuz these words: + +"The Lord loveth a cheerful giver." + +The minister didn't mean nothin' only pure gospel, when he preached +about it. But it proved to be a tight-breasted, close-fittin' coat +to several of the male brothers, and it fitted 'em so well it fairly +pinched 'em. + +But there it wuz, Deacon Bobbet wouldn't gi'n a cent towards raisin' the +money. And there wuz them that said, and stuck to it, that he said "he +wouldn't give a _darn_ cent." + +But I don't know as that is so. I wouldn't want to be the one that said +that he had demeaned himself to that extent. + +Wall, he wouldn't give a cent, and Peedick wouldn't give, and Deacon +Henzy and Deacon Sypher wouldn't. They said that there wuz certain +members of the meetin' house that had said to certain people suthin' +slightin' about buzz saws. + +I myself thought then, and think still, that the subject of buzz saws +had a great deal to do in makin' 'em act so riz up and excited. I +believe the subject rasped 'em, and made 'em nervous. But when these +various hardnesses aroze amongst some of the brethern, the rest of the +men kinder joined in with 'em, some on one side, and some on the other, +and they all baulked right out of the harness. (Allegory.) And there the +minister wuz, good old creeter, jest a-sufferin' for the necessities of +life, and most half a year's salery due. + +I tell you it looked dark. The men all said they couldn't see no way out +of the trouble, and some of the wimmen felt about so. And old Miss Henn, +one of our most able sisters, she had gi'n out, she wuz as mad as her +own sirname about how her Metilda had been used. + +The meetin' house had just hauled her up for levity. And I thought then, +and think now, that the meetin' house wuz too hard on Metilda Henn. + +She did titter right out in protracted meetin', Sister Henn don't deny +it, and she felt dretful bad about it, and so did I. But Metilda said, +and stuck to it, that she couldn't have helped laughin' if it had been +to save her life. And though I realized the awfulness of it, still, when +some of the brethern wuz goin' on dretful about it, I sez to 'em: + +"The Bible sez there is a time to laugh, and I don't know when that is, +unless it is when you can't help it." + +What she wuz a-laughin' at wuz this: + +There wuz a widder woman by the name of Nancy Lum that always come to +evenin' meetin's. + +She wuz very tall and humbly, and she had been on the look out (so it +wuz s'pozed) for a 3d husband for some time. + +She had always made a practice of saying one thing over and over to all +the protracted and Conference meetin's, and she would always bust out +a-cryin' before she got it all out. + +She always said "she wanted to be found always at the foot of the +Cross." + +She would always begin this remark dretful kinder loud and hysterical, +and then would dwindle down kinder low at the end on't, and bustin' out +into tears somewhere through it from first to last. + +But this evenin' suthin' had occurred to make her more hysterical and +melted down than usial. Some say it wuz because Deacon Henshaw wuz +present for the first time after his wive's death. + +But any way, she riz up lookin' awful tall and humbly--she was most a +head taller than any man there--and she sez out loud and strong: + +"I want to be found--" + +And then she busted right out a-cryin' hard. And she sobbed for some +time. And then she begun agin, + +"I want to be found--" + +And then she busted out agin. + +And so it went on for some time--she a-tellin' out ever and anon loud +and firm, "that she wanted to be found--" and then bustin' into tears. + +Till finally Deacon Henshaw (some mistrust that he is on the point of +gettin' after her, and he always leads the singin' any way) he struck +right out onto the him-- + + "Oh, that will be joyful!" + +And Sister Lum sot down. + +Wall, that wuz what made Metilda Henn titter. And that was what made me +bring forward that verse of scripter. That the Bible said "'there wuz a +time to laugh,' and I didn't know when it wuz unless it wuz when you +couldn't help it--" + +But I didn't say it to uphold Metilda--no, indeed. I only said it +because they wuz so bitter on her, and laid the rules of the meetin' +house down on her so heavy. + +But Josiah said, "What would become of the meetin' house if it didn't +punish its unruly members?" + +And I sez to Josiah, "Do you remember the case of Deacon Widrig over in +Loontown. He wuz rich and influential, and when he wuz complained of, +and the meetin' house sot on him, they sot light, and you know it, +Josiah Allen. And he was kep in the church, the meen old creeter. And +Miss Henn is a widder and poor." + +"Yes," sez Josiah, calmly, "she hain't been able to help the meetin' +house much, and Brother Widrig contributes largely." + +Sez I, in a fearful meanin' axent, "I hearn he did at the time he wuz +up--I hearn he contributed _lots_ to the male brethren who was a-judgin' +him--but," sez I, "do you spoze, Josiah Allen, that if wimmen wuz +allowed their way in the matter, that that man would be allowed to stay +in the meetin' house, and keep on a-makin' and a-sellin' the poisen that +is sendin' men to ruin all round him-- + +"Makin' his hard cider by the barell and hogset and fixin' it some way +so it will make a far worse drunk than whiskey, and then supplyin' every +low saloon fur and near with it, and peddlin' it out to every man and +boy that wants it. + +"And boys think they can drink cider without doin' any harm--so he jest +entices 'em down into the road to ruin--doin' as much agin harm as a +whiskey seller. + +"And mothers have to set still and see it go on. It is men that are +always appinted to deal with sinners, male or female. Men are judged by +their peers, but wimmen never are. + +"I wonder if that is just? I wonder how Deacon Widrig would have liked +it to have had Miss Henn set on him? He wuz dretful excited, so I hearn, +about Metilda's case--thought it wuz highly incumbient on the meetin' +house to have her made a example of, so's to try to abolish such wicked +doin's as snickerin' out in meetin'. + +[Illustration: "SUPPLYIN' EVERY LOW SALOON FUR AND NEAR."] + +"I wonder how he would have liked it to have had Charley Lanfear's +mother set on him? She is a Sister in the meetin' house and Charley is +a ruined boy--and Deacon Widrig is jest as much the cause of his ruin-- +jest as guilty of murderin' all that wuz sweet and lovely in him es if +he had fed arsenic to him with a teaspoon." + +Sez I, "In that very meetin' house to Loontown, there are mothers who +have to set and take the bread and wine tokens of the blood and body of +their crucified Redeemer from a man's hands that they know are red +with the blood of their own sons. Fur redder than human blood and +deeper-stained with the ruin of their immortal souls. + +"What thoughts does these mothers keep on a-thinkin' as they set there +and see a man guilty of worse than murder set up as a example to other +young souls? What thoughts do they keep on a-thinkin' of the young +hearts that wuz pure before this man laid holt of 'em. Young eyes that +wuz true and tender till this man made 'em look on his accursed drink. +Young lips that smiled on their mothers till he gin 'em that that +changed the smiles to curses? + +"Would a delegation of wimmen keep such a man in the meetin' house if he +paved the hull floor with fine gold? No, you know they wouldn't. Let a +jury of mothers set on such a man, and see if he could get up agin very +easy. + +"They are the ones who have suffered by him, who have agonized, who went +down into deeper than the Valley of Death led by his hand. They went +down into that depth where they lose their boy. Lose him eternally. + +"Death, jest death, would give 'em a chance to meet their child again. +But what hope does a mother have when down in the darkness that has +no mornin', her boy tears his hand from her weak grasp and plunges +downward? + +"How does such a mother feel as she sets there in a still meetin' house, +and the man who has done all this passes her the emblems of a deathless +love, a divine purity?" + +Josiah sat demute and, didn't say nuthin', and I went on, for I wuz very +roze up in my mind, and by the side of myself with emotions. + +And sez I, "Take the case of Simeon Lathers. Why wuz it that Sister +Irene Filkins wuz turned out of the meetin' house and the man who wuz +the first cause of her goin' astray kep in--the handsome, +smooth-faced hypocrite?--it wuz because he wuz rich as a Jew, and jest +plastered over the consciences of them that tried him with his fine +speeches and his money." + +[Illustration: "JOSIAH LOOKED UP AND SEZ, 'HOW A STEEPLE WOULD LOOK +A-PINTIN' DOWN'"] + +"Fixed over the meetin' house there in Zoar, built a new steeple, a +towerin' one. If wimmen had had their way, that steeple would have +pinted the other way." + +Josiah looked up from Ayers' Almanac, which he wuz calmly perusin', and +sez he, + +"How a steeple would look a-pintin' down!" + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + + +Josiah's face wuz smooth and placid, he hadn't took a mite of sense of +what I had been a-sayin', and I knew it. Men don't. They know at the +most it is only _talk_, wimmen hain't got it in their power to _do_ +anything. And I s'pose they reason on it in this way--a little wind +storm is soon over, it relieves old Natur and don't hurt anything. + +Yes, my pardner's face wuz as calm as the figger on the outside of the +almanac a-holdin' the bottle, and his axent wuz mildly wonderin' and +gently sarcestickle. + +"How a steeple would look a-pintin' down! That is a true woman's idee." + +[Illustration: SISTER FILKINS.] + +Sez I, "I would have it a-pintin' down towards the depths of darkness +that wuz in that man's heart that roze it up, and the infamy of the deed +that kep him in the meetin' house and turned his victim out of it." + +"I d'no as she wuz his victim," sez Josiah. + +Sez I, "Every one knows that in the first place Simeon Lathers wuz the +man that led her astray." + +"It wuzn't proved," sez Josiah, a-turnin' the almanac over and lookin' +at the advertisement on the back side on't. + +"And why wuzn't it proved?" sez I, "because he held a big piece of gold +against the mouths of the witnesses." + +"I didn't see any in front of my mouth," sez Josiah, lookin' 'shamed but +some composed. + +"And you know what the story wuz," sez he, "accordin' to that, he did it +all to try her faith." + +I wouldn't encourage Josiah by even smilin' at his words, though I knew +well what the story wuz he referred to. + +It wuz at a Conference meetin', when Simeon Lathers wuz jest a-beginnin' +to take notice of how pretty Irene Filkins wuz. + +She had gone forward to the anxious seat, with some other young females, +their minds bein' wrought on, so it wuz spozed, by Deacon Lathers's +eloquent exhortations, and urgin's to 'em to come forward and be saved. + +And they had gone up onto the anxious seat a-sheddin' tears, and they +all knelt down there, and Deacon Lathers he went right up and knelt down +right by Sister Irene Filkins, and them that wuz there say, that right +while he wuz a-prayin' loud and strong for 'em all, and her specially, +he put his arm round her and acted in such a way that she resented it +bitterly. + +She wuz a good, virtuous girl then, any way. + +And she resented his overtoors in such a indignant and decided way that +it drawed the attention of a hull lot of brothers and sisters towards +'em. + +And Deacon Lathers got right up from his knees and sez, "Bretheren and +sisters, let us sing these lines: + + "He did it all to try her faith." + +I remembered this story, but I wuzn't goin' to encourage Josiah Allen +by lettin' my attention be drawed off by any anectotes--nor I didn't +smile--oh, no I But I went right on with a hull lot of burnin' +indignatin in my axents, and sez I, "Josiah Allen, can you look me in +the face and say that it wuzn't money and bad men's influence that keep +such men as Deacon Widrig and Simeon Lathers in the meetin' house?" Sez +I, "If they wuz poor men would they have been kep', or if it wuzn't for +the influence of men that like hard drink?" + +"Wall, as it were," sez Josiah, "I--that is--wall, it is a-gettin' +bed-time, Samantha." + +And he wound up the clock and went to bed. + +And I set there, all rousted up in my mind, for more'n a hour--and I +dropped more'n seven stitches in Josiah's heel, and didn't care if I +did. + +But I have episoded fearfully, and to resoom and go on. + +Miss Henn wuz mad, and she wuz one of our most enterprizen' sisters, and +we felt that she wuz a great loss. + +Things looked dretful dark. And Sister Bobbet, who is very tender +hearted, shed tears several times a-talkin' about the hard times that +had come onto our meetin' house, and how Zion wuz a-languishin', etc., +etc. + +And I told Sister Bobbet in confidence, and also in public, that it wuz +time to talk about Zion's languishin' when we had done all we could to +help her up. And I didn't believe Zion would languish so much if she had +a little help gin her when she needed it. + +And Miss Bobbet said "she felt jest so about it, but she couldn't help +bein' cast down." And so most all of the sisters said. Submit Tewksbury +wept, and shed tears time and agin, a-talkin' about it, and so several +of 'em did. But I sez to 'em-- + +"Good land!" sez I. "We have seen jest as hard times in the Methodist +meetin' house before, time and agin, and we wimmen have always laid holt +and worked, and laid plans, and worked, and worked, and with the Lord's +help have sailed the old ship Zion through the dark waters into safety, +and we can do it agin." + +Though what we wuz to do we knew not, and the few male men who didn't +jine in the hardness, said they couldn't see no way out of it, but what +the minister would have to go, and the meetin' house be shet up for a +spell. + +But we female wimmen felt that we could not have it so any way. And we +jined together, and met in each other's housen (not publickly, oh no! we +knew our places too well as Methodist Sisters). + +We didn't make no move in public, but we kinder met round to each +other's housen, sort o' private like, and talked, and talked, and +prayed--we all knew that wuzn't aginst the church rules, so we jest +rastled in prayer, for help to pay our honest debts, and keep the +Methodist meetin' house from disgrace, for the men wuz that worked up +and madded, that they didn't seem to care whether the meetin' house come +to nothin' or not. + +Wall, after settin' day after day (not public settin', oh, no! we knew +our places too well, and wouldn't be ketched a-settin' public till we +had a right to). + +After settin' and talkin' it over back and forth, we concluded the very +best thing we could do wuz to give a big fair and try to sell things +enough to raise some money. + +It wuz a fearful tuff job we had took onto ourselves, for we had got to +make all the things to sell out of what we could get holt of, for, of +course, our husbands all kep the money purses in their own hands, as +the way of male pardners is. But we laid out to beset 'em when they wuz +cleverer than common (owin' to extra good vittles) and get enough money +out of 'em to buy the materials to work with, bedquilts (crazy, and +otherwise), embroidered towels, shawl straps, knit socks and suspenders, +rugs, chair covers, lap robes, etc., etc., etc. + +It wuz a tremendus hard undertakin' we had took onto ourselves, with all +our spring's work on hand, and not one of us Sisters kep a hired girl +at the time, and we had to do our own house cleanin', paintin' floors, +makin' soap, spring sewin', etc., besides our common housework. + +But the very worst on't wuz the meetin' house wuz in such a shape that +we couldn't do a thing till that wuz fixed. + +The men had undertook to fix over the meetin' house jest before the +hardness commenced. The men and wimmen both had labored side by side to +fix up the old house a little. + +The men had said that in such church work as that wimmen had a perfect +right to help, to stand side by side with the male brothers, and do +half, or more than half, or even _all_ the work. They said it wuzn't +aginst the Discipline, and all the Bishops wuz in favor of it, and +always had been. They said it wuz right accordin' to the Articles. But +when it come to the hard and arjuous duties of drawin' salleries with +'em, or settin' up on Conferences with 'em, why there a line had to +be drawed, wimmen must not be permitted to strain herself in no such +ways--nor resk the tender delicacy of her nature, by settin' in a +meetin' house as a delegate by the side of a man once a year. It wuz too +resky. But we could lay holt and work with 'em in public, or in private, +which we felt wuz indeed a privelege, for the interests of the Methodist +meetin' house wuz dear to our hearts, and so wuz our pardners' +approvals--and they wuz all on 'em unanimus on this pint--we could +_work_ all we wanted to. + +So we had laid holt and worked right along with the men from day to day, +with their full and free consents, and a little help from 'em, till we +had got the work partly done. We had got the little Sabbath-school room +painted and papered, and the cushions of the main room new covered, and +we had engaged to have it frescoed, but the frescoer had turned out to +be a perfect fraud, and, of all the lookin' things, that meetin' house +wuz about the worst. The plaster, or whatever it wuz he had put on, had +to be all scraped off before it could be papered, the paper wuz bought, +and the scrapin' had begun. + +[Illustration: "APPEARIN' IN PUBLIC."] + +The young male and female church members had give a public concert +together, and raised enough money to get the paper--it wuz very nice, +and fifty cents a roll (double roll). These young females appearin' in +public for this purpose wuz very agreeable to the hull meetin' house, +and wuz right accordin' to the rules of the Methodist Meetin' House, for +I remember I asked about it when the question first come up about +sendin' female delegates to the Conference, and all the male members of +our meetin' house wuz so horrified at the idee. + +I sez, "I'll bet there wouldn't one of the delegates yell half so loud +es she that wuz Mahala Gowdey at the concert. Her voice is a sulferino +of the very keenest edge and highest tone, and she puts in sights and +sights of quavers." + +But they all said that wuz a _very_ different thing. + +And sez I, "How different? She wuz a yellin' in public for the good +of the Methodist Meetin' House (it wuz her voice that drawed the big +congregatin, we all know). And them wimmen delegates would only have to +'yea' and 'nay' in a still small voice for the good of the same. I can't +see why it would be so much more indelicate and unbecomin' in them"--and +sez I, "they would have bonnets and shawls on, and she that wuz Mahala +had on a low neck and short sleeves." But they wouldn't yield, and I +wouldn't nuther. + +But I am a eppisodin fearful, and to resoom. Wall, as I said, the +scrapin' had begun. One side of the room wuz partly cleaned so the paper +could go on, and then the fuss come up, and there it wuz, as you may +say, neither hay nor grass, neither frescoed nor papered nor nuthin'. +And of all the lookin' sights it wuz. + +Wall, of course, if we had a fair in that meetin' house, we couldn't +have it in such a lookin' place to disgrace us in the eyes of Baptists +and 'Piscopals. + +No, that meetin' house had got to be scraped, and we wimmen had got to +do the scrapin' with case knives. + +It wuz a hard job. I couldn't help thinkin' quite a number of thoughts +as I stood on a barell with a board acrost it, afraid as death of +fallin' and a workin' for dear life, and the other female sisters a +standin' round on similar barells, all a-workin' fur beyond their +strengths, and all afraid of fallin', and we all a-knowin' what we had +got ahead on us a paperin' and a gettin' up the fair. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + + +Couldn't help a-methinkin' to myself several times. It duz seem to me +that there hain't a question a-comin' up before that Conference that +is harder to tackle than this plasterin' and the conundrum that is up +before us Jonesville wimmen how to raise 300 dollars out of nuthin', and +to make peace in a meetin' house where anarky is now rainin' down. + +But I only thought these thoughts to myself, fur I knew every women +there wuz peacible and law abidin' and there wuzn't one of 'em but +what would ruther fall offen her barell then go agin the rules of the +Methodist Meetin' House. + +Yes, I tried to curb down my rebellous thoughts, and did, pretty much +all the time. And good land! we worked so hard that we hadn't time +to tackle very curius and peculier thoughts, them that wuz dretful +strainin' and wearin' on the mind. Not of our own accord we didn't, fur +we had to jest nip in and work the hull durin' time. + +[Illustration: "EVERY NIGHT JOSIAH WOULD TACKLE ME ON IT."] + +And then we all knew how deathly opposed our pardners wuz to our takin' +any public part in meetin' house matters or mountin' rostrums, and that +thought quelled us down a sight. + +Of course when these subjects wuz brung up before us, and turned round +and round in front of our eyes, why we had to look at 'em and be rousted +up by 'em more or less. It was Nater. + +And Josiah not havin' anything to do evenin's only to set and look at +the ceilin'. Every single night when I would go home from the meetin' +house, Josiah would tackle me on it, on the danger of allowin' wimmen +to ventur out of her spear in Meetin' House matters, and specially the +Conference. + +It begin to set in New York the very day we tackled the meetin' in +Jonesville with a extra grip. + +So's I can truly say, the Meetin' House wuz on me day and night. For +workin' on it es I did, all day long, and Josiah a-talkin' abut it till +bed time, and I a-dreamin' abut it a sight, that, and the Conference. + +Truly, if I couldn't set on the Conference, the Conference sot on me, +from mornin' till night, and from night till mornin'. + +I spoze it wuz Josiah's skairful talk that brung it onto me, it wuz +brung on nite mairs mostly, in the nite time. + +He would talk _very_ skairful, and what he called deep, and repeat pages +of Casper Keeler's arguments, and they would appear to me (drawed also +by nite mairs) every page on 'em lookin' fairly lurid. + +I suffered. + +Josiah would set with the _World_ and other papers in his hand, +a-perusin' of 'em, while I would be a-washin' up my dishes, and the very +minute I would get 'em done and my sleeves rolled down, he would tackle +me, and often he wouldn't wait for me to get my work done up, or even +supper got, but would begin on me as I filled up my tea kettle, and keep +up a stiddy drizzle of argument till bed time, and as I say, when he +left off, the nite mairs would begin. + +I suffered beyond tellin' almost. + +The secont night of my arjuous labors on the meetin' house, he began +wild and eloquent about wimmen bein' on Conferences, and mountin' +rostrums. And sez he, "That is suthin' that we Methodist men can't +stand." + +[Illustration: "IS ROSTRUMS MUCH HIGHER THAN THEM BARELLS TO STAND ON?"] + +And I, havin' stood up on a barell all day a-scrapin' the ceilin', and +not bein' recuperated yet from the skairtness and dizziness of my day's +work, I sez to him: + +"Is rostrums much higher than them barells we have to stand on to the +meetin' house?" + +And Josiah said, "it wuz suthin' altogether different." And he assured +me agin, + +"That in any modest, unpretendin' way the Methodist Church wuz willin' +to accept wimmen's work. It wuzn't aginst the Discipline. And that is +why," sez he, "that wimmen have all through the ages been allowed to do +most all the hard work in the church--such as raisin' money for church +work--earnin' money in all sorts of ways to carry on the different kinds +of charity work connected with it--teachin' the children, nursin' the +sick, carryin' on hospital work, etc., etc. But," sez he, "this is +fur, fur different from gettin' up on a rostrum, or tryin' to set on a +Conference. Why," sez he, in a haughty tone, "I should think they'd know +without havin' to be told that laymen don't mean women." + +Sez I, "Them very laymen that are tryin' to keep wimmen out of the +Conference wouldn't have got in themselves if it hadn't been for +wimmen's votes. If they can legally vote for men to get in why can't men +vote for them?" + +"That is the pint," sez Josiah, "that is the very pint I have been +tryin' to explain to you. Wimmen can help men to office, but men can't +help wimmen; that is law, that is statesmanship. I have been a-tryin' to +explain it to you that the word laymen _always_ means woman when she can +help men in any way, but _not_ when he can help her, or in any other +sense." + +Sez I, "It seemed to mean wimmen when Metilda Henn wuz turned out of the +meetin' house." + +"Oh, yes," sez Josiah in a reasonin' tone, "the word laymen always means +wimmen when it is used in a punishin' and condemnatory sense, or in the +case of work and so fourth, but when it comes to settin' up in high +places, or drawin' sallerys, or anything else difficult, it alweys means +men." + +Sez I, in a very dry axent, "Then the word man, when it is used in +church matters, always means wimmen, so fur as scrubbin' is concerned, +and drowdgin' round?" + +"Yes," sez Josiah haughtily, "And it always means men in the higher and +more difficult matters of decidin' questions, drawin' sallerys, settin' +on Conferences, etc. It has long been settled to be so," sez he. + +"Who settled it?" sez I. + +"Why the men, of course," sez he. "The men have always made the rules +of the churches, and translated the Bibles, and everything else that is +difficult," sez he. Sez I, in fearful dry axents, almost husky ones, "It +seems to take quite a knack to know jest when the word laymen means men +and when it means wimmen." + +"That is so," sez Josiah. "It takes a man's mind to grapple with it; +wimmen's minds are too weak to tackle it It is jest as it is with that +word 'men' in the Declaration of Independence. Now that word 'men', in +that Declaration, means men some of the time, and some of the time men +and wimmen both. It means both sexes when it relates to punishment, +taxin' property, obeyin' the laws strictly, etc., etc., and then it goes +right on the very next minute and means men only, as to wit, namely, +votin', takin' charge of public matters, makin' laws, etc. + +"I tell you it takes deep minds to foller on and see jest to a hair +where the division is made. It takes statesmanship. + +"Now take that claws, 'All men are born free and equal.' + +"Now half of that means men, and the other half men and wimmen. Now to +understand them words perfect you have got to divide the tex. 'Men are +born.' That means men and wimmen both--men and wimmen are both born, +nobody can dispute that. Then comes the next claws, 'Free and equal.' +Now that means men only--anybody with one eye can see that. + +"Then the claws, 'True government consists.' That means men and wimmen +both--consists--of course the government consists of men and wimmen, +'twould be a fool who would dispute that. 'In the consent of the +governed.' That means men alone. Do you see, Samantha?" sez he. + +I kep' my eye fixed on the tea kettle, fer I stood with my tea-pot in +hand waitin' for it to bile--"I see a great deal, Josiah Allen." + +[Illustration: CHURCH WORK.] + +"Wall," sez he, "I am glad on't. Now to sum it up," sez he, with some +the mean of a preacher--or, ruther, a exhauster--"to sum the matter all +up, the words 'bretheren,' 'laymen,' etc., always means wimmen so fur +as this: punishment for all offenses, strict obedience to the rules of +the church, work of any kind and all kinds, raisin' money, givin' money +all that is possible, teachin' in the Sabbath school, gettin' up +missionary and charitable societies, carryin' on the same with no help +from the male sect leavin' that sect free to look after their half of +the meanin' of the word--sallerys, office, makin' the laws that bind +both of the sexes, rulin' things generally, translatin' Bibles to suit +their own idees, prcachin' at 'em, etc., etc. Do you see, Samantha?" sez +he, proudly and loftily. + +"Yes," sez I, as I filled up my tea-pot, for the water had at last +biled. "Yes, I see." + +And I spoze he thought he had convinced me, for he acted high headeder +and haughtier for as much as an hour and a half. And I didn't say +anything to break it up, for I see he had stated it jest as he and all +his sect looked at it, and good land! I couldn't convince the hull male +sect if I tried--clergymen, statesmen and all--so I didn't try, and I +wuz truly beat out with my day's work, and I didn't drop more than one +idee more. I simply dropped this remark es I poured out his tea and put +some good cream into it--I merely sez: + +"There is three times es many wimmen in the meetin' house es there is +men." + +"Yes," sez he, "that is one of the pints I have been explainin' to you," +and then he went on agin real high headed, and skairt, about the old +ground, of the willingness of the meetin' house to shelter wimmen in its +folds, and how much they needed gaurdin' and guidin', and about their +delicacy of frame, and how unfitted they wuz to tackle anything hard, +and what a grief it wuz to the male sect to see 'em a-tryin' to set on +Conferences or mount rostrums, etc., etc. + +And I didn't try to break up his argument, but simply repeated the +question I had put to him--for es I said before, I wuz tired, and +skairt, and giddy yet from my hard labor and my great and hazardus +elevatin'; I had not, es you may say, recovered yet from my +recuperation, and so I sez agin them words-- + +"Is rostrums much higher than them barells to stand on?" And Josiah said +agin, "it wuz suthin' entirely different;" he said barells and rostrums +wuz so fur apart that you couldn't look at both on 'em in one day +hardly, let alone a minute. And he went on once more with a long +argument full of Bible quotations and everything. + +And I wuz too tuckered out to say much more. But I did contend for it to +the last, that I didn't believe a rostrum would be any more tottlin' and +skairful a place than the barell I had been a-standin' on all day, nor +the work I'd do on it any harder than the scrapin' of the ceilin' of +that meetin house. + +And I don't believe it would, I stand jest as firm on it to-day as I did +then. + + + + +CHAPTER XX. + + +Wall, we got the scrapin' done after three hard and arjous days' works, +and then we preceeded to clean the house. The day we set to clean the +meetin' house prior and before paperin', we all met in good season, for +we knew the hardships of the job in front of us, and we all felt that we +wanted to tackle it with our full strengths. + +Sister Henzy, wife of Deacon Henzy, got there jest as I did. She wuz in +middlin' good spirits and a old yeller belzerine dress. + +Sister Gowdy had the ganders and newraligy and wore a flannel for 'em +round her head, but she wuz in workin' spirits, her will wuz up in arms, +and nerved up her body. + +Sister Meechim wuz a-makin' soap, and so wuz Sister Sypher, and Sister +Mead, and me. But we all felt that soap come after religion, not before. +"Cleanliness _next_ to godliness." + +So we wuz all willin' to act accordin' and tackle the old meetin' house +with a willin' mind. + +Wall, we wuz all engaged in the very heat of the warfare, as you may +say, a-scrubbin' the floors, and a-scourin' the benches by the door, +and a-blackin' the 2 stoves that stood jest inside of the door. We wuz +workin' jest as hard as wimmen ever worked--and all of the wimmen who +wuzn't engaged in scourin' and moppin' wuz a-settin' round in the pews +a-workin' hard on articles for the fair--when all of a suddin the +outside door opened and in come Josiah Allen with 3 of the other men +bretheren. + +They had jest got the great news of wimmen bein' apinted for +Deaconesses, and had come down on the first minute to tell us. She that +wuz Celestine Bobbet wuz the only female present that had heard of it. + +Josiah had heard it to the post-office, and he couldn't wait till noon +to tell me about it, and Deacon Gowdy wuz anxius Miss Gowdy should hear +it as soon es possible. Deacon Sypher wanted his wife to know at once +that if she wuzn't married she could have become a deaconess under his +derectin'. + +And Josiah wanted me to know immegietly that I, too, could have had the +privilege if I had been a more single woman, of becomin' a deaconess, +and have had the chance of workin' all my hull life for the meetin' +house, with a man to direct my movements and take charge on me, and tell +me what to do, from day to day and from hour to hour. + +And Deacon Henzy was anxious Miss Henzy should get the news as quick as +she could. So they all hastened down to the meetin' house to tell us. + +And we left off our work for a minute to hear 'em. It wuzn't nowhere +near time for us to go home. + +Josiah had lots of further business to do in Jonesville and so had the +other men. But the news had excited 'em, and exhilerated 'em so, that +they had dropped everything, and hastened right down to tell us, and +then they wuz a-goin' back agin immegietly. + +I, myself, took the news coolly, or as cool as I could, with my +temperature up to five or five and a half, owin' to the hard work and +the heat. + +[Illustration: THE LAST NEWS FROM THE CONFERENCE.] + +Miss Gowdy also took it pretty calm. She leaned on her mop handle, +partly for rest (for she was tuckered out) and partly out of good +manners, and didn't say much. + +But Miss Sypheris such a admirin'woman, she looked fairly radiant at the +news, and she spoke up to her husband in her enthusiastik warm-hearted +way-- + +"Why, Deacon Sypher, is it possible that I, too, could become a deacon, +jest like you?" + +"No," sez Deacon Sypher solemnly, "no, Drusilly, not like me. But you +wimmen have got the privelege now, if you are single, of workin' all +your days at church work under the direction of us men." + +"Then I could work at the Deacon trade under you," sez she admirin'ly, +"I could work jest like you--pass round the bread and wine and the +contribution box Sundays?" + +"Oh, no, Drusilly," sez he condesendinly, "these hard and arjuous dutys +belong to the male deaconship. That is their own one pertickiler work, +that wimmen can't infringe upon. Their hull strength is spent in these +duties, wimmen deacons have other fields of labor, such as relievin' +the wants of the sick and sufferin', sittin' up nights with small-pox +patients, takin' care of the sufferin' poor, etc., etc." + +"But," sez Miss Sypher (she is so good-hearted, and so awful fond of the +deacon), "wouldn't it be real sweet, Deacon, if you and I could work +together as deacons, and tend the sick, relieve the sufferers--work for +the good of the church together--go about doin' good?" + +"No, Drusilly," sez he, "that is wimmen's work. I would not wish for a +moment to curtail the holy rights of wimmen. I wouldn't want to stand in +her way, and keep her from doin' all this modest, un-pretendin' work, +for which her weaker frame and less hefty brain has fitted her. + +"We will let it go on in the same old way. Let wimmen have the privelege +of workin' hard, jest as she always has. Let her work all the time, day +and night, and let men go on in the same sure old way of superentendin' +her movements, guardin' her weaker footsteps, and bossin' her round +generally." + +Deacon Sypher is never happy in his choice of language, and his method +of argiment is such that when he is up on the affirmative of a question, +the negative is delighted, for they know he will bring victery to their +side of the question. Now, he didn't mean to speak right out about men's +usual way of bossin' wimmen round. It was only his unfortunate and +transparent manner of speakin'. + +And Deacon Bobbet hastened to cover up the remark by the statement that +"he wuz so highly tickled that wimmen wuzn't goin' to be admitted to the +Conference, because it would _weaken_ the Conference." + +"Yes," sez my Josiah, a-leanin' up aginst the meetin' house door, and +talkin' pretty loud, for Sister Peedick and me had gone to liftin' round +the big bench by the door, and it wuz fearful heavy, and our minds wuz +excersised as to the best place to put it while we wuz a-cleanin' the +floor. + +"You see," sez he, "we feel, we men do, we feel that it would be +weakenin' to the Conference to have wimmen admitted, both on account of +her own lack of strength and also from the fact that every woman you +would admit would keep out a man. And that," sez he (a-leanin' back in +a still easier attitude, almust a luxurious one), "that, you see, would +tend naterally to weakenin' the strength of a church." + +[Illustration: "WALL," SEZ I, "MOVE ROUND A LITTLE, WON'T YOU, FOR WE +WANT TO SET THE BENCH."] + +"Wall," sez I, a-pantin' hard for breath under my burden, "move round a +little, won't you, for we want to set the bench here while we scrub +under it. And," sez I, a-stoppin' a minute and rubbin' the perspiratin +and sweat offen my face, "Seein' you men are all here, can't you lay +holt and help us move out the benches, so we can clean the floor under +'em? Some of 'em are very hefty," sez I, "and all of us Sisters almost +are a-makin' soap, and we all want to get done here, so we can go home +and bile down; we would dearly love a little help," sez I. + +"I would help," sez Josiah in a willin' tone, "I would help in a minute, +if I hadn't got so much work to do at home." + +And all the other male bretheren said the same thing--they had got to +git to get home to get to work. (Some on 'em wanted to play checkers, +and I knew it.) + +But some on 'em did have lots of work on their hands, I couldn't dispute +it. + + + + +CHAPTER XXI. + + +Why, Deacon Henzy, besides all his cares about the buzz saw mill, and +his farm work, had bought a steam threshin' machine that made him sights +of work. It was a good machine. But it wuz fairly skairful to see it +a-steamin' and a-blowin' right along the streets of Jonesville without +the sign of a horse or ox or anything nigh it to draw it. A-puffin' out +the steam, and a-tearin' right along, that awful lookin' that it skairt +she that wuz Celestine Bobbet most into fits. + +She lived in a back place where such machines wuz unknown, and she had +come home to her father's on a visit, and wuz goin' over to visit some +of his folks that day, over to Loontown. + +And she wuz a-travellin' along peacible, with her father's old mair, and +a-leanin' back in the buggy a readin' a article her father had sent over +by her to Deacon Widrig, a witherin' article about female Deaconesses, +and the stern necessity of settin' 'em apart and sanctifyen' 'em to this +one work--deacon work--and how they mustn't marry, or tackle any other +hard jobs whatsumever, or break off into any other enterprize, only jest +plain deacon work. + +It wuz a very flowery article. And she wuz enjoyin' of it first rate, +and a-thinkin', for she is a little timid and easily skairt, and the +piece had convinced her-- + +She wuz jest a-thinkin' how dretful it would be if sum female deaconess +should ever venter into some other branch of business, and what would +be apt to become of her if she did. She hated to think of what her doom +would most likely be, bein' tender hearted. + +[Illustration: "SHE SEE THIS WILD AND SKAIRFUL MACHINE APPROACHIN'."] + +When lo, and behold! jest as she wuz a-thinkin' these thoughts, she see +this wild and skairful machine approachin', and Deacon Henzy a-standin' +up on top of it a-drivin'. He looked wild and excited, bein' very +tickled to think that he had threshed more with his machine, by twenty +bushels, than Deacon Petengill had with his. There was a bet upon these +two deacons, so it wuz spozed, and he wuz a-hastenin' to the next place +where he wuz to be setup, so's to lose no time, and he was kinder +hollerin'. + +And the wind took his gray hair back, and his long side whiskers, and +kinder stood 'em out, and the skirts of his frock the same. + +His mean wuz wild. + +And it wuz more than Celestine's old mair and she herself could bear; +she cramped right round in the road (the mair did) and set sail back to +old Bobbet'ses, and that great concern a-puffin' and a-steamin' along +after 'em. + +And by the time that she that wuz Celestine got there she wuz almost in +a fit, and the mair in a perfect lather. + +Wall, Celestine didn't get over it for weeks and weeks, nor the mair +nuther. + +And besides this enterprize of Deacon Henzy's, he had got up a great +invention, a new rat trap, that wuz peculier and uneek in the extreme. + +It wuz the result of arjous study on his part, by night and day, for a +long, long time, and it wuz what he called "A Travellin' Rat Trap." It +wuz designed to sort o' chase the rats round and skair 'em. + +[Illustration: DEACON HENZY'S RAT TRAP (LIKE A CIRCUS FOR THE RATS).] + +It was spozed he got the idee in the first place from his threshin' +machine. It had to be wound up, and then it would take after 'em--rats +or mice, or anything--and they do say that it wuz quite a success. + +Only it had to move on a smooth floor. It would travel round pretty much +all night; and they say that when it wuz set up in a suller, it would +chase the rats back into their holes, and they would set there and look +out on it, for the biggest heft of the night. It would take up their +minds, and kep 'em out of vittles and other mischief. + +It wuz somethin' like providin' a circus for 'em. + +But howsumever, the Deacon wuz a-workin' at this; he wuzn't quite +satisfied with its runnin' gear, and he wuz a-perfectin' this rat trap +every leisure minute he had outside of his buzz saw and threshin' +machine business, and so he wuz fearful busy. + +Deacon Sypher had took the agency for "The Wild West, or The Leaping Cow +Boy of the Plain," and wuz doin' well by it. + +And Deacon Bobbet had took in a lot of mustangs to keep through the +winter. And he wuz a ridin' 'em a good deal, accordin' to contract, and +tryin' to tame 'em some before spring. And this work, with the buzz saw, +took up every minute of his time. For the mustangs throwed him a good +deal, and he had to lay bound up in linements a good deal of the time, +and arneky. + +[Illustration: "HE HAD TO LAY BOUND UP IN LINEMENTS A GOOD DEAL OF THE +TIME."] + +So, as I say, it didn't surprise me a mite to have 'em say they couldn't +help us, for I knew jest how these jobs of theirn devoured their time. + +And when my Josiah had made his excuse, it wuzn't any more than I had +looked out for, to hear Deacon Henzy say he had got to git home to ile +his threshin' machine. One of the cogs wuz out of gear in some way. + +He wanted to help us, so it didn't seem as if he could tear himself +away, but that steam threshin' machine stood in the way. And then on +his way down to Jonesville that very mornin' a new idee had come to him +about that travellin' rat trap, and he wanted to get home jest as quick +as he could, to try it. + +And Deacon Bobbet said that three of them mustangs he had took in to +break had got to be rid that day, they wuz a gettin' so wild he didn't +hardly dast to go nigh 'em. + +And Deacon Sypher said that he must hasten back, for a man wuz a-comin' +to see him from way up on the State road, to try to get a agency under +him for "The Leaping Cow Boy of the Plain." And he wanted to show the +"Leaping Cow Boy" to some agents to the tavern in Jonesville on his way +home, and to some wimmen on the old Plank road. Two or three of the +wimmen had gin hopes that they would take the "Leaping Cow Boy." + +And then they said--the hull three of the deacons did--that any minute +them other deacons who wuz goin' into partnership with 'em in the buzz +saw business wuz liable to drive down to see 'em about it. + +And some of the other men brethren said their farms and their live stock +demanded the hull of their time--every minute of it. + +So we see jest how it wuz, we see these male deacons couldn't devote any +of their time to the meetin' house, nor those other brethren nuther. + +We see that their time wuz too valuable, and their own business devoured +the hull on it. And we married Sisters, who wuz acestemed to the strange +and mysterius ways of male men, we accepted the situation jest es we +would any other mysterius dispensation, and didn't say nothin'. + +Good land! We wuz used to curius sayin's and doin's, every one on us. +Curius as a dog, and curiuser. + +But Sister Meechim (onmarried), she is dretful questinin' and inquirin' +(men don't like her, they say she prys into subjects she's no business +to meddle with). She sez to Josiah: + +"Why is it, Deacon Allen, that men deacons can carry on all sorts of +business and still be deacons, while wimmen deacons are obleeged to give +up all other business and devote themselves wholly to their work?" + +"It is on account of their minds," sez Josiah. "Men have got stronger +minds than wimmen, that is the reason." + +And Sister Meechim sez agin-- + +"Why is it that wimmen deacons have to remain onmarried, while men +deacons can marry one wife after another through a long life, that is, +if they are took from 'em by death or a divorce lawyer?" + +"Wall," sez Josiah, "that, too, is on account of their brains. Their +brains hain't so hefty es men's." + +But I jest waded into the argument then. I jest interfered, and sez in a +loud, clear tone, + +"Oh, shaw!" + +And then I sez further, in the same calm, clear tones, but dry as ever a +dry oven wuz in its dryest times. Sez I, + +"If you men can't help us any about the meetin' house, you'd better get +out of our way, for we wimmen have got to go to scrubbin' right where +you are a-standin'." + +"Certainly," sez Josiah, in a polite axent, "certainly." + +And so the rest of the men said. + +And Josiah added to his remarks, as he went down the steps, + +"You'd better get home, Samantha, in time to cook a hen, and make some +puddin', and so forth." + +And I sez, with quite a lot of dignity, "Have I ever failed, Josiah +Allen, to have good dinners for you, and on time too?" + +"No," sez he, "but I thought I would jest stop to remind you of it, +and also to tell you the last news from the Conference, about the +deaconesses." + +And so they trailed down one after another, and left us to our work +in the meetin' house; but as they disapered round the corner, Sister +Arvilly Lanfear, who hain't married, and who has got a sharp tongue +(some think that is why, but I don't; I believe Arvilly has had +chances). + +But any way, she sez, as they went down the steps, + +"I'll bet them men wuz a-practisen' their new parts of men +superentendents, and look on us as a lot of deaconesses." + +[Illustration: "JOSIAH ADDED TO HIS REMARKS."] + +"Wall," sez Sister Gowdy--she loves to put on Arvilly--"wall, you have +got one qualificatin', Arvilly!" + +"Yes, thank the Lord," sez she. + +And I never asked what she meant, but knew well enough that she spoke of +her single state. But Arvilly has had chances, _I_ think. + + + + +CHAPTER XXII. + + +I got home in time to get a good supper, though mebbe I ortn't to say +it. + +Sure enough, Josiah Allen had killed a hen, and dressed it ready for me +to brile, but it wuz young and tender, and I knew it wouldn't take long, +so I didn't care. + +Good land! I love to humor him, and he knows it. Casper Keeler come in +jest as I wuz a-gettin' supper and I thought like as not he would stay +to supper; I laid out to ask him. But I didn't take no more pains on his +account. No, I do jest as well by Josiah Allen from day to day, as if he +wuz company, or lay out to. + +Casper came over on a errent about that buzz saw mill. He wuz in dretful +good spirits, though he looked kinder peaked. + +He had jest got home from the city. + +It happened dretful curius, but jest at this time Casper Keeler had had +to go to New York on business. He had to sign some papers that nobody +else couldn't sign. + +[Illustration: CASPER KEELER.] + +His mother had hearn of a investment there that promised to pay dretful +well, so she had took a lot of stock in it, and it had riz right up +powerful. Why the money had increased fourfold, and more too, and Casper +bein' jest come of age, had to go and sign suthin' or other. + +Wall, he went round and see lots of sights in New York. His ma's money +that she had left him made him fairly luxurius as to comfort, and he had +plenty of money to go sight seein' as much as he wanted to. + +He went to all the theatres, and operas, and shows of all kinds, and +museums, and the Brooklyn Bridge, and circuses, and receptions, and et +cetery, et cetery. + +He wuz a-tellin' me how much money he spent while he wuz there, kinder +boastin' on it; he had went to one of the biggest, highest taverns in +the hull village of New York, where the price wuz higher than the very +highest pinakle on the top of it, fur higher. + +And I sez, "Did you go to the Wimmen's Exchange and the Workin' Wimmen's +Association, that wuz held there while you wuz there?" + +And he acted real scorfin'. + +"Wimmen's work!" sez he. "No, indeed! I had too much on my hands, and +too much comfort to take in higher circles, than to take in any such +little trifles as wimmen's work." + +Sez I, "Young man, it is a precious little you would take in in life if +it hadn't been for wimmen's work. Who earned and left you the money you +are a-usin'?" sez I, "who educated you and made your life easy before +you?" + +And then bein' fairly drove into a corner, he owned up that his mother +wuz a good woman. + +But his nose wuz kinder lifted up the hull of the time he wuz a-sayin' +it, as if he hated to own it up, hated to like a dog. + +But he got real happified up and excited afterwards, in talkin' over +with Josiah what he see to the Conference.' He stayed to supper; I wuz +a seasonin' my chicken and mashed potatoes, and garnishin' 'em for the +table. I wuz out to one side a little, but I listened with one side of +my brain while the other wuz fixed on pepper, ketchup, parsley, etc., +etc. + +[Illustration: "HE SEEMED TO HAVE A HORROW OF WOMAN A-RAISIN' OUT OF HER +SPEAR."] + +Sez Casper, "It wuz the proudest, greatest hour of my life," sez he, +"when I see a nigger delegate git up and give his views on wimmen +keepin' down in their place. When I see a black nigger stand up there in +that Conference and state so clearly, so logically and so powerfully the +reasons why poor weak wimmen should _not_ be admitted into that sacred +enclosure-- + +"When I see even a nigger a-standin' there and a-knowin' so well what +wimmen's place wuz, my heart beat with about the proudest emotions I +have ever experienced. Why, he said," sez Casper, "that if wimmen wuz +allowed to stand up in the Conference, they wouldn't be satisfied. The +next thing they would want to do would be to preach. It wuz a masterly +argument," sez Casper. + +"It must have been," sez my Josiah. + +"He seemed to have such a borrow of a weak-minded, helpless woman +a-raisin' herself up out of her lower spear." + +"Well he might," sez Josiah, "well he might." + +Truly, there are times when women can't, seeminly, stand no more. This +wuz one on 'em, and I jest waded right into the argiment. I sez, real +solemn like, a-holdin' the sprig of parsley some like a septer, only +more sort o' riz up like and mysteriouser. Yes, I held that green sprig +some as the dove did when it couldn't find no rest for the soles of its +feet--no foundation under it and it sailed about seekin' some mount of +truth it could settle down on. Oh how wobblin' and onsubstantial and +curius I felt hearin' their talk. + +"And," sez I, "nobody is tickleder than I be to think a colored man has +had the right gin him to stand up in a Conference or anywhere else. I +have probable experienced more emotions in his behalf," sez I, "deep +and earnest, than any other female, ancient or modern. I have bore his +burdens for him, trembled under his lashes, agonized with him in his +unexampled griefs and wrongs and indignities, and I have rejoiced at the +very depths of my soul at his freedom. + +"But," sez I, "when he uses that freedom to enchain another and as +deservin' a race, my feelin's are hurt and my indignations are riz up. + +"Yes," sez I, a-wavin' that sprig some like a warlike banner, as my +emotions swelled up under my bask waste, + +"When that negro stands there a-advocatin' the slavery of another race, +and a-sayin' that women ortn't to say her soul is her own, and wimmen +are too weak and foolish to lift up their right hands, much less preach, +I'd love to ask him where he and his race wuz twenty-five years ago, and +where they would be to-day if it wuzn't for a woman usin' her right hand +and her big heart and brain in his behalf, and preachin' for him all +over the world and in almost every language under the sun. Everybody +says that 'Uncle Tom's Cabin' wuz the searchin' harrow that loosened the +old, hard ground of slavery so the rich seed of justice could be planted +and bring forth freedom. + +"If it hadn't been for that woman's preachin', that negro exhauster +would to-day most likely be a hoin' cotton with a overseer a-lashin' him +up to his duties, and his wife and children and himself a-bein' bought +and sold, and borrowed and lent and mortgaged and drove like so many +animals. And I'd like to have riz right up in that Conference and told +him so." + +"Oh, no," sez Josiah, lookin' some meachin', "no, you wouldn't." + +"Yes, I would," sez I. "And I'd 've enjoyed it _richly_" sez I, es I +turned and put my sprig round the edge of the platter. + +[Illustration: SAMANTHA EXPRESSES HER VIEWS.] + +Casper wuz demute for as much as half a minute, and Josiah Allen looked +machin' for about the same length of time. + +But, good land! how soon they got over it. They wuz as chipper as ever, +a-runnin' down the idee of women settin', before they got half through +dinner. + +After hard and arjuous work we got the scrapin' done, and the scrubbin' +done, and then we proceeded to make a move towards puttin' on the paper. + +But the very day before we wuz to put on our first breadth, Sister +Bobbet, our dependence and best paperer, fell down on a apple parin' +and hurt her ankle jint, so's she couldn't stand on a barell for more'n +several days. + +And we felt dretful cast down about it, for we all felt as if the work +must stop till Sister Bobbet could be present and attend to it. + +But, as it turned out, it wuz perfectly providential, so fur as I wuz +concerned, for on goin' home that night fearfully deprested on account +of Sister Sylvester Bobbet, lo and behold! I found a letter there on my +own mantletry piece that completely turned round my own plans. It come +entirely onexpected to me, and contained the startlin' intelligence that +my own cousin, on my mother's own side, had come home to Loontown to +his sister's, and wuz very sick with nervous prostration, neuralgia, +rheumatism, etc., and expected paralasys every minute, and heart +failure, and such. + +[Illustration: "SISTER BOBBET, OUR DEPENDENCE, FELL DOWN ON A APPLE +PARIN'".] + +And his sister, Miss Timson, who wrote the letter, beset me to come over +and see him. She said, Jane Ann did (Miss Timson'ses name is Jane Ann), +and sez she in Post scriptum remark to me, sez she-- + +"Samantha, I know well your knowledge of sickness and your powers of +takin' care of the sick. Do come and help me take care of Ralph, for it +seems as if I can't let him go. Poor boy, he has worked so hard, and now +I wuz in hopes that he wuz goin' to take some comfort in life, unbeknown +to him. Do come and help him for my sake, and for Rosy's sake." Rosy wuz +Ralph's only child, a pretty girl, but one ruther wild, and needin' jest +now a father's strong hand. + +Rosy's mother died when she wuz a babe, and Ralph, who had always +been dretful religius, felt it to be his duty to go and preach to the +savages. So Miss Timson took the baby and Ralph left all his property +with Miss Timson to use for her, and then he girded up his lions, took +his Bible and him book and went out West and tackled the savages. + +Tackled 'em in a perfectly religius way, and done sights of good, sights +and sights. For all he wuz so mild and gentle and religius, he got the +upper hand of them savages in some way, and he brung 'em into the church +by droves, and they jest worshipped him. + +Wall, he worked so hard a-tryin' to do good and save souls that wuz +lost--a-tryin' single-handed to overthrow barberus beliefs and habits, +and set up the pure and peaceful doctrines of the Master. + +[Illustration: RALPH SMITH ROBINSON.] + +He loved and followed, that his health gin out after a time--he felt +weak and mauger. + +And jest about this time his sister wrote to him that Rosy havin' got +in with gay companions, wuz a gettin' beyond her influence, and she +_needed_ a father's control and firm hand to guide her right, or else +she would be liable to go to the wrong, and draw lots of others with +her, for she wuz a born leader amongst her mates, jest as her father +wuz--so wouldn't Ralph come home. + +Wall, Ralph come. His sister and girl jest worshipped him, and looked +and longed for his comin', as only tender-hearted wimmen can love +and worship a hero. For if there wuz ever a hero it wuz Ralph Smith +Robinson. + +Wall, Ralph had been in the unbroken silences of nature so long, that +the clack, and crash, and clamor of what we call civilized life almost +crazed him. + +He had been where his Maker almost seemed to come down and walk with +him through the sweet, unbroken stillnesses of mornin' and evenin'. The +world seemed so fur off to him, and the Eternal Verities of life so +near, that truly, it sometimes seemed to him as if, like one of old, "he +walked with God." Of course the savages war-whooped some, but they +wuz still a good deal of the time, which is more than you can say for +Yankees. + +And Loontown when he got home was rent to its very twain with a +Presidential election. + +Ralph suffered. + +But above all his other sufferin's, he suffered from church bells. + +Miss Timson lived, as it wuz her wish, and often her boast, right under +the droppin's of the sanctuary. + +She lotted on it when she bought the place. The Baptist steeple towered +up right by the side of her house. Her spare bed wuz immegietly under +the steeple. + +Wall, comin' as he did from a place where he wuz called to worship by +the voice of his soul and his good silver watch--this volume of clamor, +this rushin' Niagara of sound a-pourin' down into his ears, wuz +perfectly intolerable and onbeerable. He would lay awake till mornin' +dreadin' the sound, and then colapse under it, till it run along and he +come down with nervous fever. + +He wuz worn out no doubt by his labors before he come, and any way he +wuz took bed-sick, and couldn't be moved so's the doctor said, and he +bein' outside of his own head, delerius, couldn't of course advance no +idees of his own, so he lay and suffered. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII. + + +Miss Timson's letter wuz writ to me on the 6th day of his sickness, and +Josiah and me set sail for Loontown on the follerin' day after we got +it. + +I laid the case before the female Sisters of the meetin' house, and they +all counselled me to go. For, as they all said, on account of Sister +Bobbet's fallin' on the apple parin' we could not go on with the work +of paperin' the meetin' house, and so the interests of Zion wouldn't +languish on account of my absence for a day or two any way. And, as the +female Sisters all said, it seemed as if the work I wuz called to in +Loontown wuz a fair and square case of Duty, so they all counselled +me to go, every one on 'em. Though, as wuz nateral, there wuz severel +divisions of opinions as to the road I should take a-goin' there, what +day I should come back, what remiedies wuz best for me to recommend +when I got there, what dress I should wear, and whether I should wear +a hankerchif pin or not--or a bib apron, or a plain banded one, etc., +etc., etc., etc. + +But, as I sez, as to my goin' they wuz every one on 'em unanimus. They +meen well, those sisters in the meetin' house do, every one on 'em. + +Josiah acted real offish at first about goin'. And he laid the case +before the male brothers of the meetin' house, for Josiah wuz fearful +that the interests of the buzz saw mill would languish in his absence. +One or two of the weaker brethren joined in with him, and talked kinder +deprestin' about it. + +But Deacon Sypher and Deacon Henzy said they would guard his interests +with eagle visions, or somethin' to that effect, and they counselled +Josiah warmly that it wuz his duty to go. + +We hearn afterwards that Deacon Sypher and Deacon Henzy wanted to go +into the North Woods a-fishin' and a-huntin' for 2 or 3 days, and it has +always been spozed by me that that accounted for their religeus advice +to Josiah Allen. + +Howsumever, I don't _know_ that. But I do know that they started off +a-fishin' the very day we left for Loontown, and that they come back +home about the time we did, with two long strings of trout. + +[Illustration: THE RETURN OF THE HUNTERS.] + +And there wuz them that said that they ketched the trout, and them that +said they bought 'em. + +And they brung back the antlers of a deer in their game bags, and some +bones of a elk. And there are them that sez that they dassent, either +one of 'em, shoot off a gun, not hardly a pop gun. But I don't know the +truth of this. I know what they _said_, they _said_ the huntin' wuz +excitin' to the last degree, and the fishin' superb. + +And there wuz them that said that they should think the huntin' would be +excitin', a-rummagin' round on the ground for some old bones, and they +should think the fishin' would be superb, a-dippin' 'em out of a barell +and stringin' 'em onto their own strings. + +But their stories are very large, that I know. And each one on 'em, +accordin' to their tell, ketched more trouts than the other one, and fur +bigger ones, and shot more deers. + +Wall, Deacon Sypher'ses advice and Deacon Henzy's influenced Josiah a +good deal, and I said quite a few words to him on the subject, and, +suffice it to say, that the next day, about 10 A.M., we set out on our +journey to Loontown. + +[Illustration: "MISS TIMSON AND ROSY SEEMED DRETFUL GLAD TO SEE ME."] + +Miss Timson and Rosy seemed dretful glad to see me, but they wuz pale +and wan, wanner fur than I expected to see 'em; but after I had been +there a spell I see how it wuz. I see that Ralph wuz their hero as well +as their love, and they worshipped him in every way, with their hearts +and their souls and their idealized fancies. + +Wall, he wuz a noble lookin' man as I ever see, fur or near, and as good +a one as they make, he wuz strong and tender, so I couldn't blame 'em. + +And though I wouldn't want Josiah to hear me say too much about it, or +mebby it would be best that he shouldn't, before I had been there 24 +hours I begun to feel some as they did. + +But my feelin's wuz strictly in a meetin' house sense, strictly. + +But I begun to feel with them that the middle of the world wuz there in +that bedroom, and the still, white figure a-layin' there wuz the centre, +and the rest of the world wuz a-revolvin' round him. + +His face wuz worn and marked by the hand of Time and Endeaver. But every +mark wuz a good one. The Soul, which is the best sculptor after all, +had chiselled into his features the marks of a deathless endeavor and +struggle toward goodness, which is God. Had marked it with the divine +sweetness and passion of livin' and toilin' for the good of others. + +He had gi'n his life jest as truly to seek and save them that wuz lost +as ever any old prophet and martyr ever had sense the world began. But +under all these heavenly expressions that a keen eye could trace in his +good lookin' face, could be seen a deathly weakness, the consumin' fire +that wuz a-consumin' of him. + +Miss Timson wept when she see me, and Rosy threw herself into my arms +and sobbed. But I gently ondid her arms from round my neck and give Miss +Timson to understand that I wuz there to _help_ 'em if I could. + +"For," sez I softly, "the hull future time is left for us to weep in, +but the present wuz the time to try to help Ralph S. Robinson." + +Wall, I laid to, Josiah a-helpin' me nobly, a-pickin' burdock leaves +or beet leaves, as the case might be, and a-standin' by me nobly all +through the follerin' night (that is, when he wuz awake). + +Josiah and I took care on him all that night, Miss Timson refusin' to +give him into the charge of underlin's, and we a-offerin' and not to be +refused. + +Wall, Josiah slept some, or that is, I s'poze he did. I didn't hear much +from him from 10 P.M. to 5 A.M., only once I heard him murmer in his +sleep, "buzz saw mill." + +[Illustration: "DIDN'T SEE HOW FOLKS NEEDED SO MUCH SLEEP."] + +But every time I would come out into the settin' room where he sot and +roust him up to get sunthin' for me, he would say, almost warmly-- + +"Samantha, that last remark of your'n wuz very powerful." And I wouldn't +waste my time nor hisen by tellin' him that I hadn't made no remark, nor +thought on't. I see it would hurt his feelin's, specilly as he would add +in haste-- + +"That he didn't see how folks needed so much sleep; as for him, it wuz a +real treat to keep awake all night, now and then." + +No, I would let it go, and ask him for burdock or beet, as the case +might be. Truly I had enugh on my mind and heart that night without +disputin' with my Josiah. + +Ralph S. Robinson would lay lookin' like a dead man some of the time, +still and demute, and then he would speak out in a strange language, +stranger than any I ever heard. He would preach sermons in that +language, I a-knowin' it wuz a sermen by his gestures, and also by my +feelin's. And then he would shet up his eyes and pray in that strange, +strange tongue, and anon breakin' out into our own language. And once he +said: + +"And now may the peace of God be with you all. Amen. The peace of God! +the peace! the peace!" + +His voice lingered sort o' lovin'ly over that word, and I felt that he +wuz a-thinkin' then of the real peace, the onbroken stillness, outside +and inside, that he invoked. + +Rosy would steal in now and then like a sweet little shadow, and bend +down and kiss her Pa, and cry a little over his thin, white hands which +wuz a-lyin' on the coverlet, or else lifted in that strange speech that +sounded so curius to us, a-risin' up out of the stillness of a Loontown +spare bedroom on a calm moonlit evenin'. + +Wall, Friday and Saturday he wuz crazier'n a loon, more'n half the time +he wuz, but along Saturday afternoon the Doctor told us that the fever +would turn sometime the latter part of the night, and if he could sleep +then, and not be disturbed, there would be a chance for his life. + +Wall, Miss Timson and Rosy both told me how the ringin' of the bells +seemed to roust him up and skair him (as it were) and git him all +excited and crazy. And they both wuz dretful anxius about the mornin' +bells which would ring when Ralph would mebby be sleepin'. So thinkin' +it wuz a case of life and death, and findin' out who wuz the one to +tackle in the matter, I calmly tied on my bonnet and walked over and +tackled him. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV. + + +It wuz Deacon Garven and he wuz a close communion Baptist by +perswaision, and a good man, so fur as firm morals and a sound creed +goes. + +Some things he lacked: he hadn't no immagination at all, not one speck. +And in makin' him up, it seems as if he had a leetle more justice added +to him to make up a lack of charity and pity. And he had a good deal +of sternness and resolve gin him, to make up, I spoze, for a lack of +tenderness and sweetness of nater. + +A good sound man Deacon Garven wuz, a man who would cheat himself before +he would cheat a neighber. He wuz jest full of qualities that would +hender him from ever takin' a front part in a scandel and a tragedy. +Yes, if more men wuz like Deacon Garven the pages of the daily papers +would fairly suffer for rapiners, embezzlers, wife whippers, etc. + +Wall, he wuz in his office when I tackled him. The hired girl asked me +if I come for visitin' purposes or business, and I told her firmly, +"business!" + +So she walked me into a little office one side of the hall, where I +spoze the Deacon transacted the business that come up on his farm, and +then he wuz Justice of the Peace, and trustee of varius concerns (every +one of 'em good ones). + +He is a tall, bony man, with eyes a sort of a steel gray, and thin lips +ruther wide, and settin' close together. And without lookin' like one, +or, that is, without havin' the same features at all, the Deacon did +make me think of a steel trap. I spoze it wuz because he wuz so sound, +and sort o' firm. A steel trap is real firm when it lays hold and tries +to be. + +[Illustration: "THE DEACON DID MAKE ME THINK OF A STEEL TRAP."] + +Wall, I begun the subject carefully, but straight to the pint, as my way +is, by tellin' him that Ralph S. Robinson wuz a-layin' at death's door, +and his life depended on his gettin' sleep, and we wuz afraid the bells +in the mornin' would roust him up, and I had come to see if he would +omit the ringin' of 'em in the mornin'. + +"Not ring the bells!" sez he, in wild amaze. "Not ring the church bells +on the Sabbath day?" + +His look wuz skairful in the extreme, but I sez-- + +"Yes, that is what I said, we beg of you as a Christian to not ring the +bells in the mornin'." + +"A Christian! A Christian! Advise me as a _Christian_ to not ring the +Sabbath bells!" + +I see the idee skairt him. He wuz fairly pale with surprise and borrow. +And I told him agin', puttin' in all the perticilers it needed to make +the story straight and good, how Ralph S. Robinson had labored for +the good of others, and how his strength had gin out, and he wuz now +a-layin' at the very pint of death, and how his girl and his sister wuz +a-breakin' their hearts over him, and how we had some hopes of savin' +his life if he could get some sleep, that the doctors said his life +depended on it, and agin I begged him to do what we asked. + +But the Deacon had begin to get over bein' skairt, and he looked firm as +anybody ever could, as he sez: "The bells never hurt anybody, I know, +for here I have lived right by the side of 'em for 20 years. Do I look +broke down and weak?" sez he. + +"No," sez I, honestly. "No more than a grannit monument, or a steel +trap." + +"Wall," sez he, "what don't hurt me won't hurt nobody else." + +"But," sez I, "folks are made up different." Sez I, "The Bible sez so, +and what might not hurt you, might be the ruin of somebody else. Wuz you +ever nervous?" sez I. + +"Never," sez he. And he added firmly, "I don't believe in nerves. I +never did. There hain't no use in 'm." + +"It wuz a wonder they wuz made, then," sez I. "As a generel thing the +Lord don't make things there hain't no use on. Howsumever," sez I, +"there hain't no use in disputin' back and forth on a nerve. But any +way, sickness is so fur apart from health, that the conditions of one +state can't be compared to the other; as Ralph S. Robinson is now, the +sound of the bells, or any other loud noise means torture and agony to +him, and, I am afraid, death. And I wish you would give orders to not +have 'em rung in the mornin'." + +"Are you a professor?" sez he. + +"Yes," sez I. + +"What perswaision?" sez he. + +"Methodist Episcopal," sez I. + +"And do you, a member of a sister church, which, although it has many +errors, is still a-gropin' after the light! Do you counsel me to set +aside the sacred and time honored rules of our church, and allow the +Sabbath to go by unregarded, have the sanctuary desecrated, the cause +of religion languish--I cannot believe it. Think of the widespread +desolation it would cause if, as the late lamented Mr. Selkirk sung: + + "'The sound of the church-going bells, + These valleys and hills never heard.'" + +"No church, no sanctuary, no religius observances." + +"Why," sez I, "that wouldn't hinder folks from goin' to church. Folks +seem to get to theatres, lectures, and disolvin' views on time, and +better time than they do to meetin'," sez I. "In your opinin' it hain't +necessary to beat a drum and sound on a bugle as the Salvation Army duz, +to call folks to meetin'; you are dretful hard on them, so I hear." + +"Yes, they make a senseless, vulgar, onnecessary racket, disturbin' and +agrivatin' to saint and sinner." + +"But," sez I, "they say they do it for the sake of religion." + +"Religion hain't to be found in drum-sticks," sez he bitterly. + +"No," sez I, "nor in a bell clapper." + +"Oh," sez he, "that is a different thing entirely, that is to call +worshippers together, that is necessary." + +Sez I, "One hain't no more necessary than the other in my opinion." + +Sez he, "Look how fur back in the past the sweet bells have sounded +out." + +"Yes," sez I candidly, "and in the sweet past they wuz necessary," sez +I. "In the sweet past, there wuzn't a clock nor a watch, the houses wuz +fur apart, and they needed bells. But now there hain't a house but what +is runnin' over with clocks--everybody knows the time; they know it so +much that time is fairly a drug to 'em. Why, they time themselves right +along through the day, from breakfast to midnight. Time their meals, +their business, their pleasures, their music, their lessons, their +visits, their visitors, their pulse beats, and their dead beats. They +time their joys and their sorrows, and everything and everybody, all +through the week, and why should they stop short off Sundays? Why not +time themselves on goin' to meetin'? They do, and you know it. There +hain't no earthly need of the bells to tell the time to go to meetin', +no more than there is to tell the time to put on the tea-kettle to get +supper. If folks want to go to meetin' they will get there, bells or no +bells, and if they don't want to go, bells hain't a-goin' to get 'em +started. + +"Take a man with the Sunday _World_ jest brung in, a-layin' on a lounge, +with his feet up in a chair, and kinder lazy in the first place, bells +hain't a-goin' to start him. + +"And take a woman with her curl papers not took down, and a new religeus +novel in her hand, and a miliner that disapinted her the night before, +and bells hain't a-goin' to start her. No, the great bell of Moscow +won't start 'em. + +[Illustration: "BELLS HAIN'T A-GOIN' TO START HIM."] + +"And take a good Christian woman, a widow, for instance, who loves +church work, and has a good handsome Christian pasture, who is in +trouble, lost his wife, mebby, or sunthin' else bad, and the lack of +bells hain't a-goin' to keep that women back, no, not if there wuzn't a +bell on earth." + +"Oh, wall, wavin' off that side of the subject," sez he (I had convinced +him, I know, but he wouldn't own it, for he knew well that if folks +wanted to go they always got there, bells or no bells). "But," sez he +wavin' off that side of the subject, "the observance is so time honored, +so hallowed by tender memories and associations all through the past." + +"Don't you 'spoze, Deacon Garven," sez I, "that I know every single +emotion them bells can bring to anybody, and felt all those memorys and +associations. I'll bet, or I wouldn't be afraid to bet, if I believed in +bettin', that there hain't a single emotion in the hull line of emotions +that the sound of them bells can wake up, but what I have felt, and felt +'em deep too, jest as deep as anybody ever did, and jest es many of 'em. +But it is better for me to do without a upliftin', soarin' sort of a +feelin' ruther than have other people suffer agony." + +"Agony!" sez he, "talk about their causin' agony, when there hain't a +more heavenly sound on earth." + +[Illustration: "A-LEANIN' OVER THE FRONT GATE ON A STILL SPRING +MORNIN'."] + +"So it has been to me," sez I candidly. "To me they have always sounded +beautiful, heavenly. Why," sez I, a-lookin' kinder fur off, beyond +Deacon Garven, and all other troubles, as thoughts of beauty and +insperation come to me borne out of the past into my very soul, by the +tender memories of the bells--thoughts of the great host of believers +who had gathered together at the sound of the bells--the great army of +the Redeemed-- + + 'Some of the host have crossed the flood, and some + are crossin' now,' + +thinks I a-lookin' way off in a almost rapped way. And then I sez to +Deacon Garven in a low soft voice, lower and more softer fur, than I had +used to him, + +"Don't I know what it is to stand a-leanin' over the front gate on a +still spring mornin', the smell of the lilacs in the air, and the brier +roses. A dew sparklin' on the grass under the maples, and the sunshine +a-fleckin' the ground between 'em, and the robins a-singin' and the +hummin' birds a-hoverin' round the honeysuckles at the door. And over +all and through all, and above all clear and sweet, comin' from fur +off a-floatin' through the Sabbath stillness, the sound of the bells, +a-bringin' to us sweet Sabbath messages of love and joy. Bringin' +memories too, of other mornin's as fair and sweet, when other ears +listened with us to the sound, other eyes looked out on the summer +beauty, and smiled at the sound of the bells. Heavenly emotions, sweet +emotions come to me on the melody of the bells, peaceful thoughts, +inspirin' thoughts of the countless multitude that has flocked together +at the sound of the bells. The aged feet, the eager youthful feet, the +children's feet, all, all walkin' to the sound of the bells. Thoughts +of the happy youthful feet that set out to walk side by side, at their +ringin' sounds. Thoughts of the aged ones grown tired, and goin' to +their long dreamless sleep to their solemn sound. Thoughts of the brave +hero's who set out to protect us with their lives while the bells wuz +ringin' out their approval of such deeds. Thoughts of how they pealed +out joyfully on their return bearin' the form of Peace. Thoughts of how +the bells filled the mornin' and evenin' air, havin' throbbed and beat +with every joy and every pain of our life, till they seem a part of us +(as it were) and the old world would truly seem lonesome without 'em. + +"As I told you, and told you truly, I don't believe there is a single +emotion in the hull line of emotions, fur or near, but what them bells +have rung into my very soul. + +"But such emotions, beautiful and inspirin' though they are, can be +dispensed with better than justice and mercy can. Sweet and tender +sentiment is dear to me, truly, near and dear, but mercy and pity and +common sense, have also a powerful grip onto my right arm, and have to +lead me round a good deal of the time. + +"Beautiful emotion, when it stands opposed to eternal justice, ort to +step gently aside and let justice have a free road. Sentiment is truly +sweet, but any one can get along without it, take it right along through +the year, better than they can without sleep. + +"You see if you can't sleep you must die, while a person can worry along +a good many years without sentiment. Or, that is, I have been told they +could. I don't know by experience, for I have always had a real lot of +it. You see my experience has been such that I could keep sentiment and +comfort too. But my mind is such, that I have to think of them that +hain't so fortunate as I am. + +"I have looked at the subject from my own standpoint, and have tried +also to look at it through others' eyes, which is the only way we can +get a clear, straight light on any subject. As for me, as I have said, +I would love to hear the sweet, far off sound of the bells a-tremblin' +gently over the hills to me from Jonesville; it sounds sweeter to me +than the voices of the robins and swallers, a-comin' home from the South +in the spring of the year. And I would deerly love to have it go on and +on as fur as my own feelins are concerned. But I have got to look at the +subject through the tired eyes, and feel it through the worn-out nerves +of others, who are sot down right under the wild clamor of the bells. + +"What comes to me as a heavenly melody freighted full of beautiful +sentiment and holy rapture comes to them as an intolerable agony, +a-maddenin' discord, that threatens their sanity, that rouses 'em up +from their fitful sleep, that murders sleep--the bells to them seem +murderus, strikin' noisily with brazen hands, at their hearts. + +[Illustration: "TOSSIN' ON BEDS OF NERVOUS SUFFERIN'."] + +"To them tossin' on beds of nervous sufferin', who lay for hours fillin' +the stillness with horror, with dread of the bells, where fear and dread +of 'em exceed the agony of the clangor of the sound when it comes at +last. Long nights full of a wakeful horror and expectency, fur worse +than the realization of their imaginin's. To them the bells are a +instrument of torture jest as tuff to bear as any of the other old thumb +screws and racks that wrung and racked our old 4 fathers in the name of +Religion. + +"I have to think of the great crowd of humanity huddled together right +under the loud clangor of the bells whose time of rest begins when the +sun comes up, who have toiled all night for our comfort and luxury. So +we can have our mornin' papers brought to us with our coffee. So we can +have the telegraphic messages, bringing us good news with our toast. +So's we can have some of our dear ones come to us from distant lands in +the morning. I must think of them who protect us through the night so we +can sleep in peace. + +"Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of these, our helpers and +benafacters, work all night for our sakes, work and toil. The least we +can do for these is to help 'em to the great Restorer, sleep, all we +can. + +"Some things we can't do; we can't stop the creakin' sounds of the +world's work; the big roar of the wheel of business that rolls through +the week days, can't be oiled into stillness; but Sundays they might get +a little rest Sunday is the only day of rest for thousands of men and +wimmen, nervous, pale, worn by their week's hard toil. + +"The creakin' of the wheels of traffic are stopped on this day. They +could get a little of the rest they need to carry on the fight of life +to help support wife, child, father, husband; but religeon is too much +for 'em--the religeon that the Bible declares is mild, peacible, tender. +It clangs and bangs and whangs at 'em till the day of rest is a torment. + +"Now the Lord wouldn't approve of this. I know He wouldn't, for He was +always tender and pitiful full of compassion. I called it religeon for +oritory, but it hain't religeon, it is a relict of old Barberism who, +under the cloak of Religeon, whipped quakers and hung prophetic souls, +that the secrets of Heaven had been revealed to, secrets hidden from the +coarser, more sensual vision." + +Sez Deacon Garven: "I consider the bells as missionarys. They help +spread the Gospel." + +"And," sez I, for I waz full of my subject, and kep him down to it all I +could, "Ralph S. Robinson has spread the Gospel over acres and acres of +land, and brung in droves and droves of sinners into the fold without +the help of church or steeple, let alone bells, and it seems es if he +ortn't to be tortured to death now by 'em." + +"Wall," he said, "he viewed 'em as Gospel means, and he couldn't, with +his present views of his duty to the Lord, omit 'em." + +Sez I, "The Lord didn't use 'em. He got along without 'em." + +"Wall," he said, "it wuz different times now." + +Sez I, "The Lord, if He wuz here to-day, Deacon Garven, if He had bent +over that form racked with pain and sufferin' and that noise of any kind +is murderous to, He would help him, I know He would, for He wuz good to +the sick, and tender hearted always." + +"Wall, _I_ will help him," sez Deacon Garven, "I will watch, and I will +pray, and I will work for him." + +Sez I, "Will you promise me not to ring the bells to-morrow mornin'; if +he gets into any sleep at all durin' the 24 hours, it is along in the +mornin', and I think if we could keep him asleep, say all the forenoon, +there would be a chance for him. Will you promise me?" + +"Wall," sez he kinder meltin' down a little, "I will talk with the +bretheren." + +Sez I, "Promise me, Deacon Eben Garven, before you see 'em." + +Sez he, "I would, but I am so afraid of bringin' the Cause of Religeon +into contempt. And I dread meddlin' with the old established rules of +the church." + +Sez I, "Mercy and justice and pity wuz set up on earth before bells wuz, +and I believe it is safe to foller 'em." + +But he wouldn't promise me no further than to talk with the bretheren, +and I had to leave him with that promise. As things turned out +afterwuds, I wuz sorry, sorry es a dog that I didn't shet up Deacon +Garven in his own smoke house, or cause him to be shet, and mount a +guard over him, armed nearly to the teeth with clubs. + +But I didn't, and I relied some on the bretheren. + +Ralph wuz dretful wild all the forepart of the night. He'd lay still for +a few minutes, and then he would get all rousted up, and he would set up +in bed and call out some words in that strange tongue. And he would lift +up his poor weak right arm, strong then in his fever, and preach long +sermons in that same strange curius language. He would preach his sermon +right through, earnest and fervent as any sermon ever wuz. I would know +it by the looks of his face. And then he would sometimes sing a little +in that same singular language, and then he would lay down for a spell. + +But along towards mornin' I see a change, his fever seemed to abate and +go down some--very gradual, till just about the break of day, he fell +into a troubled sleep--or it wuz a troubled sleep at first--but growin' +deeper and more peaceful every minute. And along about eight o'clock he +wuz a-sleepin' sweet for the first time durin' his sickness; it wuz a +quiet restful sleep, and some drops of presperation and sweat could be +seen on his softened features. + +We all wuz as still, almost, as if we wuz automatoes, we wuz so afraid +of makin' a speck of noise to disturb him. We kep almost breathless, +in our anxiety to keep every mite of noise out of his room. But I did +whisper to Rosy in a low still voice-- + +[Illustration: "THE LORD BE PRAISED, WE SHALL PULL HIM THROUGH."] + +"Your father is saved, the Lord be praised, we shall pull him through." + +She jest dropped onto her knees, and laid her head in my lap and cried +and wept, but soft and quiet so's it wouldn't disturb a mice. + +Miss Timson wuz a-prayin', I could see that. She wuz a-returnin' thanks +to the Lord for his mercy. + +As for me, I sot demute, in that hushed and darkened room, a-watchin' +every shadow of a change that might come to his features, with a +teaspoon ready to my hand, to give him nourishment at the right time if +he needed it, or medicine. + +When all of a sudden--slam! bang! rush! roar! slam! slam! ding! dong! +bang!!! come right over our heads the wild, deafening clamor of the +bells. + +Ralph started up wilder than ever because of his momentary repose. He +never knew us, nor anything, from that time on, and after sufferin' for +another 24 hours, sufferin' that made us all willin' to have it stop, he +died. + +And so he who had devoted his hull life to religeon wuz killed by it. +He who had gin his hull life for the true, wuz murdered by the false. + +[Illustration: "AND I THOUGHT HE WUZ PRONOUNCIN' A BENEDICTION ON THE +SAVAGES."] + +His last move wuz to spread out his hands, and utter a few of them +strange words, as if in benediction over a kneelin' multitude. And I +thought then, and I think still, that he wuz pronouncin' a benediction +on the savages. And I have always hoped that the mercy he besought from +on High at that last hour brought down God's pity and forgiveness on all +benighted savages, and bigoted ones, Deacon Garven, and the hull on 'em. + + + + +CHAPTER XXV. + + +The very next day after I got home from Miss Timson'ses, we wimmen all +met to the meetin' house agin as usial, for we knew very well that the +very hardest and most arjuous part of our work lay before us. + +For if it had been hard and tuckerin' to what it seemed the utmost limit +of tucker, to stand up on a lofty barell, and lift up one arm, and +scrape the ceilin', what would it be, so we wildly questioned our souls, +and each other, to stand up on the same fearful hites, and lift _both_ +arms over our heads, and get on them fearful lengths of paper smooth. + +I declare, when the hull magnitude of the task we had tackled riz before +us, it skairt the hull on us, and nuthin' but our deathless devotion to +the Methodist meetin' house, kep us from startin' off to our different +homes on the run. + +But lovin' it as we did, as the very apples in our eyes, and havin' in +our constant breasts a determinate to paper that meetin' house, or die +in the attempt, we made ready to tackle it. + +[Illustration: "WE HAD TO WAIT FOR THE PASTE TO BILE."] + +Yet such wuz the magnitude of the task, and our fearful apprehensions, +that after we had looked the ceilin' all over, and examined the +paper--we all sot down, as it were, instinctivly, and had a sort of a +conference meetin' (we had to wait for the paste to bile anyway, it wuz +bein' made over the stove in the front entry). And he would lift up his +poor weak right arm, strong then in his fever, and preach long sermons +in that same strange curius language. He would preach his sermon right +through, earnest and fervent as any sermon ever wuz. I would know it by +the looks of his face. And then he would sometimes sing a little in that +same singular language, and then he would lay down for a spell. + +But along towards mornin' I see a change, his fever seemed to abate and +go down some--very gradual, till just about the break of day, he fell +into a troubled sleep--or it wuz a troubled sleep at first--but growin' +deeper and more peaceful every minute. And along about eight o'clock he +wuz a-sleepin' sweet for the first time durin' his sickness; it wuz a +quiet restful sleep, and some drops of presperation and sweat could be +seen on his softened features. + +[Illustration: "WE ALL SET AND LAID ON OUR PLANS, AND CUT THE EDGES +OFFEN THE PAPER."] + +We all wuz as still, almost, as if we wuz automatoes, we wuz so afraid +of makin' a speck of noise to disturb him. We kep almost breathless, in +our anxiety to keep every mite of noise out of his room. But I did +whisper to Rosy in a low still voice--it middlin calm, and Miss Gowdy +offered to be the one to carry it back to Jonesville, and change it that +very afternoon--for we could not afford to buy a new one, and we had the +testimony of as many as twenty-one or two pairs of eyes, that the handle +didn't come out by our own carelessness, but by its own inherient +weakness--so we spozed he would swap it, we spozed so. But it wuz +arrainged before we disbanded (the result of our conference), that the +next mornin' we would each one on us bring our offerin's to the fair, +and hand 'em in to the treasurer, so's she would know in time what to +depend on, and what she had to do with. + +And we agreed (also the result of our conference) that we would, each +one on us, tell jest how we got the money and things to give to the +fair. + +And then we disbanded and started off home but I'll bet that each one on +us, in a sort of secret unbeknown way, gin a look on that lofty ceilin', +them dangerus barells, and that pile of paper, and groaned a low +melancholy groan all to herself. + +[Illustration: "THE HANDLE COME OUT."] + +I know I did, and I know Submit Tewksbury did, for I stood close to her +and heard her. But then to be exactly jest, and not a mite underhanded, +I ort mebby to say, that her groan may be caused partly by the fact that +that aniversery of hern wuz a-drawin' so near. Yes, the very next day +wuz the day jest 20 years ago that Samuel Danker went away from Submit +Tewksbury to heathen lands. Yes, the next day wuz the one that she +always set the plate on for him--the gilt edged chiny with pink sprigs. + +But I'll bet that half or three quarters of that low melancholy groan of +her'n wuz caused by the hardness of the job that loomed up in front of +us, and the hull of mine wuz. + +Wall, that night Josiah Allen wuz a-feelin' dretful neat, fer he had +sold our sorell colt for a awful big price. + +It wuz a good colt; its mother wuz took sick when it wuz a few days old, +and we had brung it up as a corset, or ruther I did, fer Josiah Allen +at that time had the rheumatiz to that extent that he couldn't step his +foot on the floor for months, so the care of the corset come on me, most +the hull on it, till it got big enough to run out in the lot and git its +own livin'. + +Night after night I used to get up and warm milk for it, when it wuz +very small, for it wuz weakly, and we didn't know as we could winter it. + +[Illustration: "I WOULD MEANDER OUT THERE IN A ICY NIGHT TO FEED IT."] + +We kep it in a little warm shed offen the wood house for quite a spell, +but still I used to find it considerable cold when I would meander out +there in a icy night to feed it. But jest as it is always the way with +wimmen, the more care I took on it, the more it needed me and depended +on me, the better I liked it. + +Till I got to likin' it so well that it wuzn't half so hard a job for me +to go out to feed it in the night as it would have been to laid still in +my warm bed and think mebby it wuz cold and hungry. + +So I would pike out and feed it two or three times a night. + +That is the nater of wimmen, the weaker it wuz and the humblier it wuz, +and the more it needed me, the more I thought on it. + +And as is the nater of man, Josiah Allen didn't seem to care so much +about it while it wuz weak and humbly and spindlin'. + +He told me time and agin, that I couldn't save it, and it never would +amount to anythin', and wuzn't nothin' but legs any way, and lots of +other slightin' remarks. And he'd call it "horse corset" in a kind of +a light, triflin' way, that wuz apt to gaul a woman when she come back +with icy night-gown and frosty toes and fingers, way along in the night. + +[Illustration: "BEEN OUT TO TEND TO YOUR 'HORSE CORSET,' HAVE YOU?"] + +He'd wake up, a-layin' there warm and comfortable on his soft goose +feather piller and say to me: "Been out to tend to your 'horse corset,' +have you?" + +"_Horse corset_! 'Wall, what if it wuz?" + +Such language way along in the night, from a warm comfortable pardner to +a cold one, is apt to make some words back and forth. + +And then he'd speak of its legs agin, in the most slightin' terms--and +he'd ask me if didn't want its picter took--etc., etc., etc. + +(I believe one thing that ailed Josiah Allen wuz he didn't want me to +get up and get my feet so cold). + +But, as I wuz a-sayin', though I couldn't deny some of his words, for +truly its legs did seem to be at the least calculation a yard and a half +long, specilly in the night, why they'd look fairly pokerish. + +And though I knew it wuz humbly still I persevered, and at last it +got to thrivin' and growin' fast. And the likelier it grew, and the +stronger, and the handsomer, so Josiah Allen's likin' for it grew and +increased, till he got to settin' a sight of store by it. + +And now it wuz a two-year-old, and he had sold it for two hundred and +fifteen dollars. It wuz spozed it wuz goin' to make a good trotter. + +Wall, seem' he had got such a big price for the colt, and knowin' well +that I wuz the sole cause of its bein' alive at this day, I felt that it +wuz the best time in the hull three hundred and sixty-five days of the +year to tackle him for sunthin' to give to the fair. I felt that the +least he could do would be to give me ten or fifteen dollars for it. So +consequently after supper wuz out of the way, and the work done up, I +tackled him. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI. + + +He wuz jest a-countin' out his money prior to puttin' it away in his tin +box, and I laid the subject before him strong and eloquent, jest the +wants and needs of the meetin' house, and jest how hard we female +sisters wuz a-workin', and jest how much we needed some money to buy our +ingregiencies with for the fair. + +He set still, a-countin' out his money, but I know he heard me. There +wuz four fifty dollar bills, a ten, and a five, and I felt that at the +very least calculation he would hand me out the ten or the five, and +mebby both on 'em. + +But he laid 'em careful in the box, and then pulled out his old +pocket-book out of his pocket, and handed me a ten cent piece. + +[Illustration: "HANDED ME A TEN CENT PIECE."] + +I wuz mad. And I hain't a-goin' to deny that we had some words. Or at +least I said some words to him, and gin him a middlin' clear idee of +how I felt on the subject. + +Why, the colt wuz more mine than his in the first place, and I didn't +want a cent of money for myself, but only wanted it for the good of the +Methodist meetin' house, which he ort to be full as interested in as I +wuz. + +Yes, I gin him a pretty lucid idee of what my feelin's wuz on the +subject--and spozed mebby I had convinced him. I wuz a-standin' with my +back to him, a-ironin' a shirt for him, when I finished up my piece +of mind. And thought more'n as likely as not he'd break down and be +repentent, and hand me out a ten dollar bill. + +But no, he spoke out as pert and cheerful as anything and sez he: + +"Samantha, I don't think it is necessary for Christians to give such a +awful sight. Jest look at the widder's mit." + +I turned right round and looked at him, holdin' my flat-iron in my right +hand, and sez I: + +"What do you mean, Josiah Allen? What are you talkin' about?" + +[Illustration: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, JOSIAH ALLEN? WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?"] + +"Why the widder's mit that is mentioned in Scripter, and is talked about +so much by Christians to this day. Most probable it wuz a odd one, I +dare persume to say she had lost the mate to it. It specilly mentions +that there wuzn't but one on 'em. And jest see how much that is talked +over, and praised up clear down the ages, to this day. It couldn't have +been worth more'n five cents, if it wuz worth that." + +"How do you spell mit, Josiah Allen?" sez I. + +"Why m-i-t-e, mit." + +"I should think," sez I, "that that spells mite." + +"Oh well, when you are a-readin' the Bible, all the best commentaters +agree that you must use your own judgment. Mite! What sense is there in +that? Widder's mite! There hain't any sense in it, not a mite." + +And Josiah kinder snickered here, as if he had made a dretful cute +remark, bringin' the "mite" in in that way. But I didn't snicker, no, +there wuzn't a shadow, or trace of anything to be heard in my linement, +but solemn and bitter earnest. And I set the flat-iron down on the +stove, solemn, and took up another, solemn, and went to ironin' on his +shirt collar agin with solemnety and deep earnest. "No," Josiah Allen +continued, "there hain't no sense in that--but mit! there you have +sense. All wimmen wear mits; they love 'em. She most probable had a good +pair, and lost one on 'em, and then give the other to the church. I tell +you it takes men to translate the Bible, they have such a realizin' +sense of the weaknesses of wimmen, and how necessary it is to translate +it in such a way as to show up them weaknesses, and quell her down, and +make her know her place, make her know that man is her superior in every +way, and it is her duty as well as privilege to look up to him." + +And Josiah Allen crossed his left leg over his right one, as haughty +and over bearin' a-crossin' as I ever see in my life, and looked up +haughtily at the stove-pipe hole in the ceilin', and resoomed, + +"But, as I wuz sayin' about her mit, the widder's, you know. That is +jest my idee of givin', equinomical, savin', jest as it should be." + +"Yes," sez I, in a very dry axent, most as dry as my flat-iron, and that +wuz fairly hissin' hot. "She most probable had some man to advise her, +and to tell her what use the mit would be to support a big meetin' +house." Oh, how dry my axent wuz. It wuz the very dryest, and most irony +one I keep by me--and I keep dretful ironikle ones to use in cases of +necessity. + +"Most probable," sez Josiah, "most probable she did." He thought I wuz +praisin' men up, and he acted tickled most to death. + +"Yes, some man without any doubt, advised her, told her that some other +widder would lose one of hern, and give hers to the meetin' house, jest +the mate to hern. That is the way I look at it," sez he "and I mean to +mention that view of mine on this subject the very next time they take +up a subscription in the meetin' house and call on me." + +But I turned and faced him then with the hot flat-iron in my hand, and +burnin' indignation in my eys, and sez I: + +"If you mention that, Josiah Allen, in the meetin' house, or to any +livin' soul on earth, I'll part with you." And I would, if it wuz the +last move I ever made. + +But I gin up from that minute the idea of gettin' anything out of Josiah +Allen for the fair. But I had some money of my own that I had got by +sellin' three pounds of geese feathers and a bushel of dried apples, +every feather picked by me, and every quarter of apple pared and peeled +and strung and dried by me. It all come to upwerds of seven dollars, and +I took every cent of it the next day out of my under bureau draw and +carried it to the meetin' house and gin it to the treasurer, and told +'em, at the request of the hull on 'em, jest how I got the money. + +And so the hull of the female sisters did, as they handed in their +money, told jest how they come by it. + +Sister Moss had seated three pairs of children's trouses for young Miss +Gowdy, her children are very hard on their trouses (slidin' down the +banesters and such). And young Miss Gowdy is onexperienced yet in +mendin', so the patches won't show. And Sister Moss had got forty-seven +cents for the job, and brung it all, every cent of it, with the +exception of three cents she kep out to buy peppermint drops with. She +has the colic fearful, and peppermint sometimes quells it. + +Young Miss Gowdy wuz kep at home by some new, important business +(twins). But she sent thirty-two cents, every cent of money she could +rake and scrape, and that she had scrimped out of the money her husband +had gin her for a woosted dress. She had sot her heart on havin' a +ruffle round the bottom (he didn't give her enough for a overshirt), +but she concluded to make it plain, and sent the ruffle money. + +And young Sister Serena Nott had picked geese for her sister, who +married a farmer up in Zoar. She had picked ten geese at two cents +apiece, and Serena that tender-hearted that it wuz like pickin' the +feathers offen her own back. + +[Illustration: "SHE HAD PICKED TEN GEESE AT TWO CENTS APIECE."] + +And then she is very timid, and skairt easy, and she owned up that while +the pickin' of the geese almost broke her heart, the pickin' of the +ganders almost skairt her to death. They wuz very high headed and +warlike, and though she put a stockin' over their heads, they would lift +'em right up, stockin' and all, and hiss, and act, and she said she +picked 'em at what seemed to her to be at the resk of her life. + +But she loved the meetin' house, so she grin and bore it, as the sayin' +is, and she brung the hull of her hard earned money, and handed it over +to the treasurer, and everybody that is at all educated knows that twice +ten is twenty. She brung twenty cents. + +Sister Grimshaw had, and she owned it right out and out, got four +dollars and fifty-three cents by sellin' butter on the sly. She had took +it out of the butter tub when Brother Grimshaw's back wuz turned, and +sold it to the neighbors for money at odd times through the year, and +besides gettin' her a dress cap (for which she wuz fairly sufferin'), +she gin the hull to the meetin' house. + +There wuz quite dubersome looks all round the room when she handed in +the money and went right out, for she had a errent to the store. + +And Sister Gowdy spoke up and said she didn't exactly like to use money +got in that way. + +But Sister Lanfear sprunted up, and brung Jacob right into the argument, +and the Isrealites who borrowed jewelry of the Egyptians, and then she +brung up other old Bible characters, and held 'em up before us. + +But still we some on us felt dubersome. And then another sister spoke up +and said the hull property belonged to Sister Grimshaw, every mite of +it, for he wuzn't worth a cent when he married her--she wuz the widder +Bettenger, and had a fine property. And Grimshaw hadn't begun to earn +what he had spent sense (he drinks). So, sez she, it all belongs to +Sister Grimshaw, by right. + +Then the sisters all begin to look less dubersome. But I sez: + +"Why don't she come out openly and take the money she wants for her own +use, and for church work, and charity?" + +"Because he is so hard with her," sez Sister Lanfear, "and tears round +so, and cusses, and commits so much wickedness. He is willin' she should +dress well--wants her to--and live well. But he don't want her to spend +a cent on the meetin' house. He is a atheist, and he hain't willin' she +should help on the Cause of religeon. And if he knows of her givin' +any to the Cause, he makes the awfulest fuss, scolds, and swears, and +threatens her, so's she has been made sick by it, time and agin." + +"Wall," sez I, "what business is it to him what she does with her own +money and her own property?" + +I said this out full and square. But I confess that I did feel a little +dubersome in my own mind. I felt that she ort to have took it more +openly. + +And Sister Grimshaw's sister Amelia, who lives with her (onmarried and +older than Sister Grimshaw, though it hain't spozed to be the case, for +she has hopes yet, and her age is kep). She had been and contoggled +three days and a half for Miss Elder Minkley, and got fifty cents a day +for contogglin'. + +She had fixed over the waists of two old dresses, and contoggled a +old dress skirt so's it looked most as well as new. Amelia is a good +contoggler and a good Christian. And I shouldn't be surprised any day to +see her snatched away by some widower or bachelder of proper age. She +would be willin', so it is spozed. + +Wall, Sister Henn kinder relented at the last, and brung two pairs of +fowls, all picked, and tied up by their legs. And we thought it wuz +kinder funny and providential that one Henn should bring four more +of'em. + +But we wuz tickled, for we knew we could sell 'em to the grocer man at +Jonesville for upwerds of a dollar bill. + +[Illustration: "SUBMIT TEWKSBURY DID BRING THAT PLATE."] + +And Submit Tewksbury, what should that good little creeter bring, and we +couldn't any of us hardly believe our eyes at first, and think she could +part with it, but she did bring _that plate_. That pink edged, chiny +plate, with gilt sprigs, that she had used as a memorial of Samuel +Danker for so many years. Sot it up on the supper table and wept in +front of it. + +Wall, she knew old china like that would bring a fancy price, and she +hadn't a cent of money she could bring, and she wanted to do her full +part towerds helpin' the meetin' house along--so she tore up her +memorial, a-weepin' on it for hours, so we spozed, and offered it up, a +burnt chiny offerin' to the Lord. + +Wall, I am safe to say, that nothin' that had took place that day had +begun to affect us like that. + +To see that good little creeter lookin' pale and considerble wan, hand +in that plate and never groan over it, nor nothin', not out loud she +didn't, but we spozed she kep up a silent groanin' inside of her, for we +all knew the feelin' she felt for the plate. + +It affected all on us fearfully. + +But the treasurer took it, and thanked her almost warmly, and Submit +merely sez, when she wuz thanked: "Oh, you are entirely welcome to it, +and I hope it will fetch a good price, so's to help the cause along." + +And then she tried to smile a little mite. But I declare that smile wuz +more pitiful than tears would have been. + +Everybody has seen smiles that seemed made up, more than half, of unshed +tears, and withered hopes, and disappointed dreams, etc., etc. + +Submit's smile wuz of that variety, one of the very curiusest of 'em, +too. Wall, she gin, I guess, about two of 'em, and then she went and sot +down. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII. + + +And now I am goin' to relate the very singulerist thing that ever +happened in Jonesville, or the world--although it is eppisodin' to tell +on it now, and also a-gettin' ahead of my story, and hitchin', as you +may say, my cart in front of my horse. But it has got to be told and I +don't know but I may as well tell it now as any time. + +Mebby you won't believe it. I don't know as I should myself, if it wuz +told to me, that is, if it come through two or three. But any way it is +the livin' truth. + +That very night as Submit Tewksbury sat alone at her supper table, +a-lookin' at that vacent spot on the table-cloth opposite to her, where +the plate laid for Samuel Danher had set for over twenty years, she +heard a knock at the door, and she got up hasty and wiped away her tears +and opened the door. A man stood there in the cold a-lookin' into the +warm cosy little room. He didn't say nothin', he acted strange. He gin +Submit a look that pierced clear to her heart (so they say). A look +that had in it the crystallized love and longin' of twenty years of +faithfulness and heart hunger and homesickness. It wuz a strange look. + +Submit's heart begun to flutter, and her face grew red and then white, +and she sez in a little fine tremblin' voice, + +"Who be you?" + +And he sez, + +"I am Samuel Danker." + +And then they say she fainted dead away, and fell over the rockin' +chair, he not bein' near enough to ketch her. + +And he brung her to on a burnt feather that fell out of the chair +cushion when she fell. There wuz a small hole in it, so they say, and +the feather oozed out. + +I don't tell this for truth, I only say that _they say_ thus and so. + +[Illustration: "I AM SAMUEL DANKER."] + +But as to Samuel's return, that I can swear to, and so can Josiah. And +that they wuz married that very night of his return, that too can be +swore to. A old minister who lived next door to Submit--superanuated, +but life enough in him to marry 'em safe and sound, a-performin' the +ceremony. + +It made a great stir in Jonesville, almost enormus. + +But they wuz married safe enough, and happy as two gambolin' lambs, so +they say. Any way Submit looks ten years younger than she did, and I +don't know but more. I don't know but she looks eleven or twelve years +younger, and Samuel, why they say it is a perfect sight to see how happy +he looks, and how he has renewed his age. + +The hull affair wuz very pleasin' to the Jonesvillians. Why there wuzn't +more'n one or two villians but what wuz fairly delighted by it, and they +wuz spozed to be envius. + +And I drew severel morals from it, and drew 'em quite a good ways too, +over both religous and seckuler grounds. + +One of the seekuler ones wuz drawed from her not settin' the table for +him that night, for the first time for twenty years, givin' away the +plate, and settin' on (with tears) only a stun chiny one for herself. +How true it is that if a female woman keeps dressed up slick, piles of +extra good cookin' on hand, and her house oncommon clean, and she sets +down in a rockin' chair, lookin' down the road for company. + +[Illustration: "THEY DON'T COME!"] _They don't come!_ + +But let her on a cold mornin' leave her dishes onwashed, and her floors +onswept, and put on her husband's old coat over her meanest dress, and +go out (at his urgent request) to help him pick up apples before the +frost spiles 'em. She a-layin' out to cook up some vittles to put on to +her empty shelves when she goes into the house, she not a-dreamin' of +company at that time of day. + +_They come!_ + +Another moral and a more religeus one. When folks set alone sheddin' +tears on their empty hands, that seem to 'em to be emptied of all +hope and happiness forever. Like es not some Divine Compensation is +a-standin' right on the door steps, ready to enter in and dwell with +'em. + +Also that when Submit Tewksbury thought she had gin away for conscience' +sake, her dearest treasure, she had a dearer one gin to her--Samuel +Danker by name. + +[Illustration: "THEY COME."] + +Also I drew other ones of various sizes, needless to recapitulate, for +time is hastenin', and I have eppisoded too fur, and to resoom, and take +up agin on my finger the thread of my discourse, that I dropped in the +Methodist meetin' house at Jonesville, in front of the treasurer. + +Wall, Submit brought the plate. + +Sister Nash brought twenty-three cents all in pennys, tied up in the +corner of a old handkercif. She is dretful poor, but she had picked up +these here and there doin' little jobs for folks. + +And we hadn't hardly the heart to take 'em, nor the heart to refuse +takin' 'em, she wuz so set on givin' 'em. And it wuz jest so with Mahala +Crane, Joe Cranes'es widder. + +She, too, is poor, but a Christian, if there ever wuz one. She had made +five pair of overhawls for the clothin' store in Loontown, for which she +had received the princely revenue of fifty cents. + +She handed the money over to the treasurer, and we wuz all on us +extremely worked upon and wrought up to see her do it, for she did it +with such a cheerful air. And her poor old calico dress she had on wuz +so thin and wore out, and her dingy alpaca shawl wuz thin to mendin', +and all darned in spots. We all felt that Mahala had ort to took the +money to get her a new dress. + +[Illustration: "SISTER ARVILLY LANFRAR, CANVASSIN' FOR A BOOK."] + +But we dasted none on us to say so to her. I wouldn't have been the one to +tell her that for a dollar bill, she seemed to be so happy a-givin' her +part towerds the fair, and for the good of the meetin' house she loved. + +Wall, Sister Meachim had earned two dollars above her wages--she is a +millinner by perswasion, and works at a millinner's shop in Jonesville. +She had earned the two dollars by stayin' and workin' nights after the +day's work wuz done. + +And Sister Arvilly Lanfear had earned three dollars and twenty-eight +cents by canvassin' for a book. The name of the book wuz: "The Wild, +Wicked, and Warlike Deeds of Man." + +And Arvilly said she had took solid comfort a-sellin' it, though she +had to wade through snow and slush half way up to her knees some of the +time, a-trailin' round from house to house a-takin' orders fer it. She +said she loved to sell a book that wuz full of truth from the front page +to the back bindin'. + +As for me I wouldn't gin a cent for the book, and I remember we had +some words when she come to our house with it. I told her plain that I +wouldn't buy no book that belittled my companion, or tried to--sez I, +"Arvilly, men are _jest_ as good as wimmen and no better, not a mite +better." + +And Arvilly didn't like it, but I made it up to her in other ways. I +gin her some lamb's wool yarn for a pair of stockin's most immegictly +afterwerds, and a half bushel of but'nuts. She is dretful fond of +but'nuts. + +[Illustration: "OLD MISS BALCH."] + +Wall, Sister Shelmadine had sold ten pounds of maple sugar, and brought +the worth on it. + +And Sister Henzy brung four dollars and a half, her husband had gin her +for another purpose, but she took it for this, and thought there wuzn't +no harm in it, as she laid out to go without the four dollars and a +halt's worth. It was fine shoes he had gin the money for, and she +calculated to make the old ones do. + +And Sister Henzy's mother, old Miss Balch, she is eighty-three years +old, and has inflamatery rheumatiz in her hands, which makes 'em all +swelled up and painful. But Sister Henzy said her mother had knit three +pairs of fringed mittens (the hardest work for her hands she could have +laid holt of, and which must have hurt her fearful). But Miss Henzy said +a neighbor had offered her five dollars fer the three pairs, and so she +felt it wuz her duty to knit 'em, to help the fair along. She is a very +strong Methodist, and loved to forwerd the interests of Zion. + +She wuz goin' to give every cent of the money to the meetin' house, so +Sister Henzy said, all but ten cents, that she _had_ to have to get +Pond's Extract with, to bathe her hands. They wuz in a fearful state. We +all felt bad for old Miss Balch, and I don't believe there wuz a woman +there but what gin her some different receipt fer helpin' her hands, +besides sympathy, lots and lots of it, and pity. + +Wall, Sister Sypher'ses husband is clost, very clost with her. She don't +have anythin' to give, only her labor, as well off as they be. And now +he wuz so wrapped up in that buzz saw mill business that she wouldn't +have dasted to approach him any way, that is, to ask him for a cent. + +Wall, what should that good little creeter do but gin all the money she +had earned and saved durin' the past year or two, and had laid by for +emergincies or bunnets. + +She had got over two dollars and seventy-five cents, which she handed +right over to the treasurer of the fair to get materials for fancy work. +When they wuz got she proposed to knit three pairs of men's socks out +of zephyr woosted, and she said she was goin' to try to pick enough +strawberrys to buy a pair of the socks for Deacon Sypher. She said it +would be a comfort for her to do it, for they would be so soft for the +Deacon's feet. + +Wall, Sister Gowdy wuz the last one to gin in dress gin to her by her +uncle out to the Ohio. It wuz gin her to mourn for her mother-in-law in. + +And what should that good, willin' creeter do but bring that dress and +gin it to the fair to sell. + +We hated to take it, we hated to like dogs, for we knew Sister Gowdy +needed it. + +But she would make us take it; she said "if her Mother Gowdy wuz alive, +she would say to her, + +"Sarah Ann, I'd ruther not be mourned for in bombazeen than to have the +dear old meetin' house in Jonesville go to destruction. Sell the dress +and mourn fer me in a black calico." + +_That_ Sister Gowdy said would be, she knew, what Mother Gowdy would say +to her if she wuz alive. + +And we couldn't dispute Sarah Ann, for we all knew that old Miss Gowdy +worked for the meetin' house as long as she could work for anything. +She loved the Methodist meetin' house better than she loved husband or +children, though she wuz a good wife and mother. She died with cramps, +and her last request wuz to have this hymn sung to her funeral: + + [Illustration: "I LOVE THY KINGDOM, LORD."] + + "I love thy kingdom, Lord, + The house of thine abode, + The church our dear Redeemer bought + With His most precious blood." + +The quire all loved Mother Gowdy, and sung it accordin' to her wishes, +and broke down, I well remember, at the third verse-- + + "For her my tears shall fall, + For her my prayers ascend, + For her my toil and life be given, + Till life and toil shall end." + +The quire broke down, and the minister himself shed tears to think how +she had carried out her belief all her life, and died with the thought +of the church she loved on her heart and its name on her lips. + +Wall, the dress would sell at the least calculation for eight dollars; +the storekeeper had offered that, but Sarah Ann hoped it would bring ten +to the fair. + +It wuz a cross to Sarah Ann, so we could see, for she had loved Mother +Gowdy dretful well, and loved the uncle who had gin it to her, and she +hadn't a nice black dress to her back. But she said she hadn't lived +with Mother Gowdy twenty years for nothin', and see how she would always +sacrifice anything and everything but principle for the good of the +meetin' house. + +Sister Gowdy is a good-hearted woman, and we all on us honored her for +this act of hern, though we felt it wuz almost too much for her to do +it. + +Wall, Sister Gowdy wuz the last one to gin in her testimony, and havin' +got through relatin' our experiences we proceeded to business and +paperin'. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII. + + +Sister Sylvester Bobbet and I had been voted on es the ones best +qualified to lead off in the arjeous and hazerdous enterprize. + +And though we deeply felt the honor they wuz a-heapin' on to us, yet +es it hes been, time and agin, in other high places in the land, if it +hadn't been fer duty that wuz a-grippin' holt of us, we would gladly +have shirked out of it and gin the honor to some humble but worthy +constituent. + +Fer the lengths of paper wuz extremely long, the ceilin' fearfully high, +and oh! how lofty and tottlin' the barells looked to us. And we both on +us, Sister Sylvester Bobbet and I, had giddy and dizzy spells right on +the ground, let alone bein' perched up on barells, a-liftin' our arms up +fur, fur beyond the strength of their sockets. + +[Illustration: "WE FELT NERVED UP TO DO OUR BEST."] + +But duty wuz a-callin' us, and the other wimmen also, and it wuzn't for +me, nor Sister Sylvester Bobbet to wave her nor them off, or shirk out +of hazerdous and dangerous jobs when the good of the Methodist Meetin' +House wuz at the Bay. + +No, with as lofty looks as I ever see in my life (I couldn't see my own, +but I felt 'em), and with as resolute and martyrous feelin's as ever +animated two wimmen's breasts, Sister Sylvester Bobbet and I grasped +holt of the length of paper, one on each end on it, Sister Arvilly +Lanfear and Miss Henzy a-holdin' it up in the middle like Aaron and Hur +a-holdin' up Moses'ses arms. We advanced and boldly mounted up onto our +two barells, Miss Gowdy and Sister Sypher a-holdin' two chairs stiddy +for us to mount up on. + +Every eye in the meetin' house wuz on us. We felt nerved up to do our +best, even if we perished in so doin', and I didn't know some of the +time but we would fall at our two posts. The job wuz so much more +wearin' and awful than we had foreboded, and we had foreboded about it +day and night for weeks and weeks, every one on us. + +The extreme hite of the ceilin'; the slipperyness and fragility of the +lengths of paper; the fearful hite and tottlin'ness of the barells; the +dizzeness that swept over us at times, in spite of our marble efforts to +be calm. The dretful achin' and strainin' of our armpits, that bid fair +to loosen 'em from their four sockets. The tremenjous responsibility +that laid onto us to get the paper on smooth and onwrinkled. + +It wuz, takin' it altogether, the most fearful and wearisome hour of my +hull life. + +Every female in the room held her breath in deathless anxiety (about +thirty breaths). And every eye in the room wuz on us (about fifty-nine +eyes--Miss Shelmadine hain't got but one workin' eye, the other is +glass, though it hain't known, and must be kep). + +Wall, it wuz a-goin' on smooth and onwrinkled--smiles broke out on every +face, about thirty smiles--a half a minute more and it would be done, +and done well. When at that tryin' and decisive moment when the fate of +our meetin' house wuz, as you may say, at the stake, we heard the sound +of hurryin' feet, and the door suddenly opened, and in walked Josiah +Allen, Deacon Sypher, and Deacon Henzy followed by what seemed to me at +the time to be the hull male part of the meetin' house. + +But we found out afterwerds that there wuz a few men in the meetin' +house that thought wimmen ort to set; they argued that when wimmen had +been standin' so long they out to set down; they wuz good dispositioned. +But as I sez at the time, it looked to us as if every male Methodist in +the land wuz there and present. + +They wuz in great spirits, and their means wuz triumphant and satisfied. + +They had jest got the last news from the Conference in New York village, +and had come down in a body to disseminate it to us. + +They said the Methodist Conference had decided that the seven wimmen +that had been stood up there in New York for the last week, couldn't +set, that they wuz too weak and fraguile to set on the Conference. + +And then the hull crowd of men, with smiles and haughty linements, beset +Josiah to read it out to us. + +So Josiah Allen, with his face nearly wreathed with a smile, a blissful +smile, but as high headed a one as I ever see, read it all out to us. +But he should have to hurry, he said, for he had got to carry the great +and triumphant news all round, up as fur as Zoar, if he had time. + +[Illustration: "THE METHODIST CONFERENCE HAD DECIDED THAT WIMMEN WUZ +TOO WEAK TO SET."] + +And so he read it out to us, and as we see that that +breadth wuz spilte, we stopped our work for a minute and heard it. + +And after he had finished it, they all said it wuz a masterly dockument, +the decision wuz a noble one, and it wuz jest what they had always said. +They said they had always known that wimmen wuz too weak, her frame wuz +too tender, she was onfitted by Nater, in mind and in body to contend +with such hardship. And they all agreed that it would be puttin' the men +in a bad place, and takin' a good deal offen their dignity, if the fair +sex had been allowed by them to take such hardships onto 'em. And they +sez, some on 'em, "Why! what are men in the Methodist meetin' house for, +if it hain't to guard the more weaker sect, and keep cares offen 'em?" + +And one or two on 'em mentioned the words, "cooin' doves" and "sweet +tender flowerets," as is the way of men at such times. But they wuz in +too big a hurry to spread themselves (as you may say) in this direction. +They had to hurry off to tell the great news to other places in +Jonesville and up as fer as Loontown and Zoar. + +But Sister Arvilly Lanfear, who happened to be a-standin' in the door +as they went off, she said she heard 'em out as fer as the gate +a-congratilatin' themselves and the Methodist Meetin' House and the +nation on the decesion, for, sez they, + +"Them angels hain't strong enough to set, and I've known it all the +time." + +And Sister Sylvester Gowdy sez to me, a-rubbin' herachin' armpits-- + +"If they are as beet out as we be they'd be glad to set down on +anything--a Conference or anything else." + +And I sez, a-wipin' the presperatin of hard labor from my forwerd, + +"For the land's sake! Yes! I should think so." + +And then with giddy heads and strainin' armpits we tackled the meetin' +house agin. + +[Illustration: The End] + + + + +PUBLISHERS' APPENDIX. + + +In view of the frequent reference, in this work, to the discussion in +and preceding the General Conference of the Methodist Episcopal Church +of 1888, in regard to the admission of women delegates, the publishers +have deemed it desirable to append the six following addresses delivered +on the floor of the Conference during the progress of that discussion. + +The General Conference of the Methodist Episcopal Church is the highest +legislative body of that denomination. It is composed of delegates, both +ministerial and lay, the former being elected by the Annual Conferences, +and the latter by Lay Electoral Conferences. The sessions of the General +Conference are held quadrennially. + +Prior to the session held in May, 1888, in New York City, women +delegates were elected, one each, by the four following Lay Electoral +Conferences--namely, The Kansas Conference, The Minnesota Conference, +The Pittsburgh Conference, and The Rock River Conference. Protest was +made against the admission of these delegates on the ground that the +admission of women delegates was not in accord with the constitutional +provisions of the Church, embodied in what are termed the Restrictive +Rules. A special Committee on the Eligibility of Women to Membership in +the General Conference was appointed, consisting of seventeen members, +to whom the protest was referred. On May 3d the Committee reported +adversely to the admission of the four women delegates, the report +alleging "that under the Constitution and laws of the Church as they now +are, women are not eligible as lay delegates in the General Conference." +From the discussion following this report, and lasting several days, the +following six addresses, three in favor of and three against the +admission of the women delegates, are selected and presented, with a few +verbal corrections, as published in the official journal of the +Conference. + + + + +ADDRESS OF REV. DR. THEODORE L. FLOOD. + +I am in accord, in the main, with Dr. Potts and Dr. Brush in what they +have said on this question, unless it may be where my friend who last +spoke said that these ladies, these elected delegates to this body, +ought to be admitted. My judgment and my conscience before the +Discipline of the Methodist Episcopal Church and the Restrictive Rules +is that these women elected by these Electoral Conferences are in this +General Conference. + +Their names may not have been called when the roll was called, and yet +it was distinctly stated by the Bishop presiding that morning that they +would be called, and the challenges presented with their names; and +afterward demanded it, the names of these delegates who were not +enrolled with the others were called, and the protests were read. Their +names have been called as members of this body, and they are simply here +as "challenged" members. From that standpoint this question must be +discussed, and any disposition of this case under the circumstances must +be in this direction. These women delegates must be put out of this +General Conference if they are not granted the rights and privileges +of members here. It is not a question of "admitting" them. Before this +report, before the bar of history, we stand, and will be called upon to +vote and act, and millions of people will hold us responsible, and I +dare say that our votes will be recorded as to whether they shall be +"put out" or "stay in." + +Why, sir, the government of the Methodist Episcopal Church exists +for the ministry and membership of the Church. The ministry and the +membership of the Church do not exist for the government. The world was +made for man, and not man for the world. That is the fundamental idea +in the government of God, as He treats us as human beings. That is the +fundamental idea in the government of the Methodist Episcopal Church, +as we are enlisted in the support of that government as ministers +and members of the Church. Now under this system of ecclesiastical +government a time came in our history when we submitted a grave question +to the membership of the Church. It was not a question simply of +petition, asking the membership to send petitions up to the General +Conference. On the contrary, it was submitting a constitutional question +not simply to the male members of the Church, for that grand and noble +man of the Methodist Church, Dr. David Sherman of the New England +Conference, moved himself to strike out the word "male" from the report +of the Committee on Lay Delegation. It came to a vote, and it was +stricken out, two to one in the vote. When that was done, then the +General Conference of our Church submitted to the membership of the +Church the question of lay delegation. But back of the question of lay +delegation was as grave a question, and that was granting the right of +suffrage to the women of the Church. The General Conference assumed +the responsibility of giving to the women the right to vote. It may be +questioned this way; it may be explained that way; but the facts +abide that the General Conference granted to the women of the Church the +right to vote on a great and important question in ecclesiastical law. +Now if you run a parallel along the line of our government--and it has +often been said that there are parallels in the government of the United +States corresponding to lines of legislation and legislative action in +the government of the Church--you will find that the right of suffrage +in the country at the ballot-box has been a gradual growth. One of the +most sacred rights that a man, an American citizen, enjoys is the right +to cast a ballot for the man or men he would have legislate for him; and +for no trivial reason can that right, when once granted to the American +citizen, be taken away from him. Go to the State of Massachusetts, and +trace the history of citizen suffrage, and you find it commenced in this +way: First, a man could vote under the government there who was a member +of the Church. Next, he could vote if he were a freeholder. A little +later on he could vote if he paid a poll-tax. In the government, and +under the legislation of our Church, first the women were granted the +right to vote on the principle of lay delegation, not on the "plan" +of lay delegation, but on the "principle" of lay delegation. That was +decided by Bishop Simpson in the New Hampshire Conference, and by Bishop +Janes afterward in one of the New York Conferences. On the principle +of lay delegation, the women of the Church were granted the right of +suffrage; presently they appeared in the Quarterly Conference, to vote +as class-leaders, stewards, and Sunday-school superintendents; and it +created a little excitement, a feverish state of feeling in the Church, +and the General Conference simply passed a resolution or a rule +interpreting that action on the part of women claiming this privilege +in the Quarterly Conference as being a "right," and it was continued. +Presently, as the right of suffrage of women passed on and grew, they +voted in the Electoral Conferences, and there was no outcry made against +it. I have yet to hear of any Bishop in the Church, or any presiding +elder, or any minister challenging the right of women to vote in +Electoral Conferences or Quarterly Conferences; and yet for sixteen +years they have been voting in these bodies; voting to send laymen here +to legislate; to send laymen to the General Conference to elect Bishops +and Editors and Book Agents and Secretaries. They come to where votes +count in making up this body; they have been voting sixteen years, and +only now, when the logical result of the right of suffrage that the +General Conference gave to women appears and confronts us by women +coming here to vote as delegates, do we rise up and protest. I believe +that it is at the wrong time that the protest comes. It should have come +when the right to vote was granted to women in the Church. It is sixteen +years too late, and as was very wisely said by Dr. Potts, the objection +comes not so much from the Constitution of the Church as from the +"constitution of the men," who challenge these women. + +Now, sir, another parallel. You take the United States Government just +after the war, when the colored people of the South, the freedmen of our +land, unable to take care of themselves, their friends, that had fought +the battles of the war, in Congress determined that they should be +protected, if no longer by bayonets and cannon, that they should +be protected by placing the ballot in their hands, and the ballot was +placed in the hands of the freedman of the South by the action of the +National Congress, Congress submitting a constitutional amendment to the +legislatures of the States; and when enough of them had voted in favor +of it, and the President had signed the bill, it became an amendment to +the Constitution of the United States, granting to the people of the +South, who had been disfranchised, the right of suffrage. + +Now, what does the right of suffrage do? It carries with it the right +to hold office. Where women have the privileges of voting on the school +question, they are granted the privilege of being school directors, +holding the office of superintendents, and the restriction on them stops +at that point under statute law. If you go a little further you will +find that when the freedmen were enfranchised, and they sent men of +their own color to the House of Representatives, did that body say +"stop!" "we protest, you cannot come in because of illegality"? No. They +were admitted on the face of their credentials because they had first +been granted the right of suffrage. When men of their color went to the +United States Senate and submitted their credentials, they were not +protested against, but they were admitted as members of the United +States Senate on the face of their credentials. And why? Because +the right of suffrage granted to the freedmen of the South under a +constitutional amendment of the nation, carried with it the right of +the men whom we fought to free, and did free, in an awful war, to hold +office in the nation. Now, sir, you must interpret the law somewhat by +the spirit of the times in which you live. That is a mistaken notion +to say that you must always go to the men that made the law to get the +interpretation of it. If that were true, would it not always be wise +for legislators to give their affidavits and place on file their +interpretation of the law they had confirmed, and placed on the statute +books? There are legal gentlemen in this body who will tell you that it +goes for very little when you come to interpret law. And yet you will +find this to be true, that a law must be interpreted somewhat by the +spirit of the time in which you live. Why, twenty years ago, when the +General Conference handed the question of lay delegation down to the +Annual Conferences, and the members of our Church, there was not a +woman practising law in the Supreme Court of the United States. Go back +through the history of jurisprudence of this country and in England, and +you will find that it had never been known that a woman practised law in +the Supreme Court of this country or England. But to-day women have been +admitted to practise law in the Supreme Court of the United States. No +amendment to the Constitution of the United States had to be adopted +in order to secure this privilege for them. But this is true, that the +judges of the Supreme Court, by a more liberal interpretation of the +Constitution of the United States, said, "Women may be officers of the +Supreme Court, and may practise law there." The same kind of a spirit, +in interpreting the Discipline and the Restrictive Rules of the +Discipline of the Church, will place these women delegates in this body +where they have been sent. The same thing is true of the Supreme Court +of Pennsylvania and in the Courts of Philadelphia. There is no way out, +as my judgment sees, and as my conscience tells me, since before the +government of God man and woman are equally responsible. There is no way +out of this dilemma for this General Conference, but to say that these +women delegates shall sit in this body, where they have been sent, and +where their names have been called. + +Why, take the missionary operations. The Woman's Missionary Society is +to-day raising more money and doing more missionary work than the Parent +Missionary Society did fifty years ago. And yet men legislate concerning +the missionary operations of women, and give them no voice directly in +this body. + +We bring up the temperance question here against license and in favor +of Prohibition, and we pass our resolutions after we have given our +discussions, and yet the Methodist Church has the honor of having in the +ranks of her membership--(Time called.) + + + + +ADDRESS OF REV. DR. JAMES M. BUCKLEY. + + +Mr. President, while the last speaker was on the floor, a modification +of a passage of Scripture occurred to me, "The enemy cometh in like +a flood, but I will lift up a standard against him." It is somewhat +peculiar that he should begin by making a statement about one of the +most honored names in American Methodism, a statement that has been +published in the papers, and that nine tenths of this body knew as well +as he did. It must have been intended as a part of his argument, and I +regard it as of as much force as anything he said after it. But in +point of fact the question does not turn upon the person, but upon the +principle. I have received an anonymous letter containing the following +among other things, "Beware how you attack the holy cause of woman. Do +you not know that obstacles to progress are rem-o-o-v-e-d out of the +way?" The signature of that letter is ingenious. I cannot tell whether +it was a man or a woman, for it reads as follows, "A Lover of your Soul +and of Woman." Now, Mr. President, the only candlestick that ought to be +removed out of its place is the candlestick that contains a candle that +does not burn the pure oil of truth. And I believe, sir, that with the +best of intentions the three speakers who have appeared have given us +three chapters in different styles of a work of fiction, and it is my +duty to undertake to show where they have slipped. The Apocrypha says, +"An eloquent man is known far and near; but a man of understanding +discerneth where he slippeth." I have no claim to eloquence; never +pretended to have any; but I have a claim to some knowledge of Methodist +history, to some ability to state my sentiments, and to be without any +fear of the results, either present or prospective. + +Now, Mr. President, you notice from my friends that if they cannot +command the judgment of the Conference they propose to say the women are +in, and defy us to put them out. I am sorry that my friend did not take +in the full significance of that. And they say that everybody who has +a certificate in form is in until he is put out. Why, they do not +discriminate between ordinary contested cases and a case where the +constitutional point is involved. If these women have a right here, +they have had it from the beginning by the Constitution. It is not a +contested case as to whether John Smith was voted for by the people who +ought to vote for him, or in the right place. Now, they talk of bringing +up documents here. I wrote to the Hon. George F. Edmunds, the most +distinguished member of the United States Senate, and simply put this +question, If a certificate of election in the Senate shows anything that +would prove the person unworthy of a seat, would he be seated pending an +investigation or not? He did not know what it referred to, and I read +it _verbatim_. I never mentioned the name of Methodist, and I read +_verbatim_ from his letter: + +"No officer of the Senate has any right to decide any such question, +and, therefore, every person admitted to a seat is admitted by, in fact, +a vote of the Senate. The ordinary course in the Senate is, when +the credentials appear to be perfectly regular, and there is no +notorious and undisputed fact or circumstance against the qualifications +and election of a senator, to admit him at once and settle the question +of his right afterward. But there have been cases in which the Senate +declined to admit a claimant holding a regular certificate upon the +ground that enough was known to the Senate to justify its declining to +receive him until an inquiry should be had. Very truly yours, + +"GEORGE F. EDMUNDS." + +Now, Mr. President, all this twaddle about the women being in is based +upon the pretence that one woman is there now. The certificate shows +that they were women, though as yet no action has been taken in regard +to them at all. If they were in, they were in with a constitutional +challenge. I champion the holy cause of women. I stand here to champion +their cause against their being introduced into this body without their +own sex having had the opportunity of expressing their opinion upon +the subject. I stand here to protect them against being connected with +movements without law or contrary to law, and those who wish to bring +them in and those who say it is the constitution of the man and +prejudice (my friend, Dr. Potts, said prejudice), they are persons, +indeed, to stand up here as, _par excellence_ the champions of women! +Is it the constitution of the men? Have you read the letter of +Mrs. Caroline Wright in the _Christian Advocate_, one of our most +distinguished American Methodist women? She does not wish to see them +here. It is the constitution of the woman in that case, and I am opposed +to their being admitted until the general sentiment of the women and the +men of our Church have an opportunity of being heard upon it. + +Now, Mr. President, note these facts.... This is not a fact, but +my opinion. I solemnly believe that there was never an hour in the +Methodist Episcopal Church when it was in so great danger as it is +to-day, not on account of the admission of these women, two of whom I +believe to be as competent to sit in judgment on this question as any +man on this floor. That is not the question, as I propose to show. I +assert freely, here and now, if the women are in under the Restrictive +Rules, no power ought to put them out. If they are not in under the +Restrictive Rules, nothing has been done since, in my judgment, bearing +upon it. I am astounded that these brethren fancy that this question +has no bearing at all on the meaning of that rule. That is a wonderful +thing. But we affirm that when the Church voted to introduce lay +delegation, it not only did not intend to introduce women, but it did +intend to fill up the whole body with men. That is what we affirm. If +we can prove it, it is a tower of help to us. If we cannot prove it, we +cannot make out our case. But our contention is, that the Church did +not undertake to put women in, and it did undertake to fill up the +capacities and relations of the body with men. Now, look at it. No man +goes to the dictionary to find the meaning of the word "layman." There +is not a man that can find out the meaning of our Restrictive Rules from +the dictionary. No living man can make out the meaning of a word in the +Restrictive Rules from Webster's dictionary. You must get it from the +history of the Church. Who is the "General Superintendent" by Webster or +Worcester? The Methodist Episcopacy is the thing that is protected by +the Restrictive Rules. The dictionary does not tell how the Chartered +Fund shall be taken care of. Now they talk about laymen. They do not +seem, I think, to understand the history of the thing. Some of them do +not appear to understand the history of the English language. Why was +the word "layman" ever introduced? Because there was a separate class of +clergy men in the world, but there was not a class of clergywomen in the +world. If there had been, there would have been a term for laywomen and +for clergywomen. And the word was invented to distinguish the laymen +from the _clergy_men. Had there been clergywomen, there would have been +laywomen. The "laity" means all the people, men, women, and children. A +woman is one of the laity, and so is every child in the country or in +the Church one of the laity. But when you speak of man acting as a unit +he is a layman, but you never say a laywoman. You say: a woman. Abraham +Lincoln said, "All these things are done and suffered, that government +of the people, for the people, and by the people should not perish +from the earth." Now, people, the dictionary says, are men, women, and +children. Did Abraham Lincoln mean that any women or children can take +any part in the government of the nation? No, no, no! He meant this. +When he stood up and delivered his inaugural speech, he said this, "The +intent of the lawmaker is the law." + +I give them something from one of the greatest lawyers that ever lived +to think of awhile--John Selden: "The only honest meaning of any word is +the intent of the man that wrote it." At the time that the plan of lay +delegation was adopted, there was not a single Conference of the Church +on this wide globe, not one that distinguished between the ministry and +the laity that allowed women to take any part in its law-making body. +Some one will talk about the Quakers. But they deny the existence of the +Church, the sacraments of the Church, and make no distinction between +the ministry and the laity. Let them get up and show that there was ever +one Church in the world worthy of the name that allowed women to make +its laws. There is not one to-day. Let them name a Church, let them name +one that has allowed women in its law-making body; and yet such is the +blinding power of gush that men will say that our fathers all understood +it and proposed to put women in. The fact is, that they only proposed to +allow them to put us in. As soon as the General Conference adjourned the +women made an appeal in a public statement. They were asked to vote for +lay delegation, and were told that then they could set the Church right. +The opponents appealed to them to vote against it on the ground that it +would not make any difference to them. James Porter, Daniel Curry, Dr. +Hodgson (Professor Little thinks he was the greatest of them all) wrote +a series of articles in the _Advocate_, and it never occurred to them +that the women could come into the General Conference. Lay delegation +was only admitted by 33 votes. Had there been a change of 33 votes they +would not have come in. Every member of the New York East Conference +knows that Dr. Curry's influence was so powerful that he could almost +get a majority against it. And they know if any one had set up an +opposition to it on this ground, the whole Conference would have voted +against the movement, and that if it had not been for Bishop Ames and +Bishop Janes, who went to the Wyoming Conference where the majority was +opposed to lay delegation, and by their influence there converted my +friend Olin and others, he knows that if this matter of the women had +been in or understood, the whole Conference would have been against it. +It would not have been possible. Dr. Potts says that it is prejudice. +Nothing of the kind. Do you know there are 12,000 Methodist ministers +that are ciphers all the time except when they vote for delegates? Are +you going to presume that when the Church has a multitude of members, +that it is going to sit here and change, by an interpretation, a +Restrictive Rule, or put in what was never in, and never understood to +be in? The Restrictive Rule fills up the ministerial delegates. Every +time you put a woman in, you put a man out. This subject has never come +up here before. The question is this, Do those Restrictive Rules mean +anything? If they do, you cannot put in anything that the fathers did +not put in. And if you put in women as lawmakers; if you can read those +Rules and put them in there, you can change any one of the Restrictive +Rules by a majority of one. And I want to say to you, that if you do +it, you will prove to the Methodist Episcopal Church that the sole +protection we have against the caprice of a majority of the General +Conference is not worth the paper it is written on. All you have to do +is to get a majority of the Conference against the Episcopacy, and then +put any interpretation, and then you get a few women admitted, and this +you call the progress of the age. Mr. Chairman, I believe in progress, +and when the Church progresses far enough, it can change this law in +a constitutional way. But it has not yet gone far enough. These men +believe that the Church has never done it, or that it is best. Dr. Flood +said that they must be brought in in the light of progress. I affirm +that Dr. Flood's arguments all point in that direction--they must be +interpreted in the light of progress. When you do that you have got a +despotism. I want to go back to my constituents and say this: I exercise +all the power that our Charter gives me. But at the moment that anything +is proposed, and we put in what the fathers did not have before their +eyes, at that moment I stop and say, Thus far, but no farther. A +despotism is a despotism, whether it is a despotism without restraint, +the Czar with his wife, the Czar without his wife. You will turn this +house into a despotism, and you will find it difficult to defend +Methodism by its peculiar Constitution before the American people. + +If you want women in, there is another way to bring them in. Send the +question around as you did for lay delegation. There was only a doubt in +the General Conference of 1868, and yet they had a sense of candor. John +M'Clintock fought in favor of taking them in. But he said, "I think it +best to send the question around." True progress is not gained in any +other way. Some prefer a shorter cut. Let me say to you, "He that cometh +in by the door," the same hath a right to come in; but he that cometh in +another way, is not as respectable as in the other case. + + + + +ADDRESS OF REV. DR. A.B. LEONARD. + + +Mr. Chairman, unfortunately for me, I have received no anonymous +letters. And so I have nothing either sensational or startling with +which to introduce my speech. I shall not speak this morning under +any fear of being removed as an obstruction, or of having my future +prospects blasted. It is my privilege, therefore, to speak to you this +morning upon this subject calmly and dispassionately, having no motive +to either suppress or exaggerate the truth. The party who wrote Dr. +Buckley, threatening to remove him as an obstruction, must be highly +gratified to know that that obstruction has already been removed. +Brother Hughey removed the obstruction, extinguished the candle, and +destroyed the candlestick. + +We are to approach this question this morning, to discuss it purely upon +its merits. The ground of constitutional law was traversed thoroughly +yesterday morning in the opening speech by Dr. Potts, a speech that, +though he did not hear it himself, was heard by this body, and will +be heard through the length and breadth of the Church everywhere. It +remains for us who follow him simply to turn on a few side-lights here +and there, or to give an opportunity of viewing this question from a +new point of view. And, first, there is a line of argument that may be +helpful to some that has already been presented in part touching the +administration of our law and the interpretation of terms that is +worthy, I think, of still further consideration. + +Dr. Buckley said in the New York _Christian Advocate_ of March 15th, +1888: + +"The question of eligibility turns, first, upon whether the persons +claiming seats are laymen; secondly, whether they have been members of +the Church for five years consecutively, and are at least twenty-five +years of age; and, thirdly, upon whether they have been duly elected. If +women are found to be eligible under the law, they would stand upon the +same plane with men, in this particular, that they must be twenty-five +years, etc." + +Now, then, is a woman legally qualified to sit in the General Conference +as a lay delegate? Is she a layman in the sense of that word in the +Discipline? If she be not in, she cannot be introduced contrary to law +by a mere majority vote of the General Conference. The Doctor sometimes +writes more clearly than he speaks, and it was so in the occasion of +writing this article. Over against this we have one of (as Dr. Hamilton +would say) the "subtle insinuations" of the Episcopal Address, which +declares that no definition of "layman" settles the question of +eligibility as to any class of persons. For many are classed as +laymen for the purposes of lay representation, and have to do with it +officially as laymen, yet themselves are ineligible as delegates. Well, +in this case, we have the Episcopal Board over against the editor. Both +are right and both are wrong. The editor is right when he said of a +woman, if she be a lay member her right is clear as that of any duly +elected man. But he is wrong when he denies to her a right to a seat in +this body as a layman. The Episcopal Address is wrong when it says +that "no definition of the word 'layman' settles the question of +eligibility." But it is right when it says, "Many are classed as laymen +for purposes of lay representation, and have to do with it officially as +lay members who are not themselves eligible as delegates." + +In the practical work of the Church, and in the administration of its +laws, women have been regarded as laymen from the beginning until now. +They pay quarterage. If they did not pay quarterage some of our salaries +would be very short. They contribute to our benevolent collections, and +if it were not for their contributions, we would not to-day be shouting +over the "Million dollars for Missions." They pray and testify in our +class-meetings and prayer-meetings, and but for their presence among +us, many of those meetings would be as silent as the grave. They are +amenable to law, and must be tried by the very same process by which men +are tried. They are subject to the same penalty. They may be suspended; +they may be expelled. In all these respects they have been regarded as +laymen from the beginning. Indeed, we have never recognized more than +two orders in our Church. We have laymen and ministers. Up to 1872 but +one of these orders was represented in this General Conference. This +General Conference was strictly a clerical organization. But in 1872 we +marked a new epoch in Methodist history, and a new element came into +this body, and has been in all our sessions since that date. The first +step, as has been mentioned here before, was taken in 1868, when the +question of lay delegation was sent down to the members of the Church +over twenty-one years of age, and to the Annual Conferences. Dr. Queal, +if I understood him, made what is, in my judgment, a fatal concession on +this question. He distinctly stated, if I understood him correctly, +and I have not had time to refer to the report of his speech (if I +misinterpret him he will correct me), that when the motion to strike +out the word "male" was made, it was done for the purpose of putting a +"rider" on the motion and cause its defeat, and when that fact was made +known to those in favor of lay delegation, they said they would accept +it then with that interpretation, and the interpretation was that the +amendment would let women into the General Conference. + +Now, that being true, all this talk about the idea of the "women coming +in" being never entertained until very recently falls to the ground. It +was present on that occasion. It was understood by those that opposed +lay delegation, and that favored it, that if they passed this amendment +and the laymen were allowed to come in, it would open the door to allow +women to come in also. + +L. C. Queal said: + +I think I am entitled now to correct this putting of the case. + +Bishop Foss: + +Are you misrepresented? + +L. C. Queal: + +I am misrepresented in this, that while I stated that Dr. Sherman +put that on as a "rider," with a view to defeating the bill, that +immediately after thinking so I thought it might be the occasion of +securing the approval of the principle in the laity of the Church. That +is all I stated. All the rest of Dr. Leonard's statement is his own +inference--a misconstruction of the fact. A.B. Leonard: + +I understood Dr. Queal as I stated. I have not had time to refer to +the speech he made. I leave his statement with you, and you have the +privilege of consulting his speech as it is printed this morning, in +reference to this matter. It came to my thought very distinctly that the +idea of the possibility of women coming in was then lodged in the minds +that were both in favor of and opposed to lay delegation. + +Now, then, this vote that was taken, in accordance with the order of +1868, laid the foundation stone for the introduction of women into this +body. That sent the question of lay delegation down to be voted on by +the laity of the Church. If the women were not to be recognized as laity +here, why allow them to vote on the question of the laity at all? And, +having allowed them to vote on the question of the laity, settling the +very foundation principle itself, with what consistency can we disallow +them a place in this General Conference, when by their votes they opened +the way for the laymen coming into this General Conference? Do you not +remember that we had a vote previously, and the men only voted, and that +the lay delegation scheme was defeated, and the _Methodist_, that was +published in this city, being the organ of the lay delegationists, said +that "votes ought to be weighed, not counted"? And then the question was +sent back to be voted upon by both the men and the women? And let the +laymen of this General Conference remember that they are in this body +to-day by reason of the votes of the women of the Methodist Episcopal +Church. In 1880 we went still further. We went into the work of +construing pronouns. There had been women in the Quarterly Conferences +previously to that date; but there was a mist in the air with regard +to their legality there. The General Conference by its action did not +propose to admit women to the Quarterly Conferences. It simply proposed +to clear away the mist and recognize their legal right to sit in the +Quarterly Conference. Being in the Quarterly Conference, and in the +District Conference, they have the right to vote on every question that +comes before such bodies. They vote to license ministers, to recommend +ministers to Annual Conferences, to recommend local preachers for +deacons' and elders' orders. They vote on sending delegates to our Lay +Electoral Conferences, and they vote in elections for delegates to Lay +Electoral Conferences, and they vote in elections for delegates from Lay +Electoral Conferences to this General Conference. And there are men +on this floor to-day that would not be in this at all if they had +not received the support of women in Lay Electoral Conferences. Now, +brethren, let it be remembered that the votes of the women to send +delegates to the Lay Electoral Conferences were never challenged until +they came here asking for seats. They were good enough to elect laymen +to this body, but not good enough to take seats with laymen in this +body. With what consistency can laymen accept seats by the votes of the +women and then deprive women of their seats? I am surprised at some of +the "subtle insinuations" of the Episcopacy concerning constitutional +law. Allow me to say at this point that, having introduced into the +Quarterly Conference these women, and having given them a right to +vote there, and in the District Conferences, and in the Lay Electoral +Conferences, in all honesty we must do one of two things, if we would +be consistent, we must go back and take up that old foundation of lay +delegation that we laid in 1868, or we must go forward and allow these +women to have their seats. In a word, we must either lay again the +"foundation of repentance from dead work, or go forward to perfection." +And I am not in favor of going back. + +If it is true that the body of the Constitution is outside of the +Restrictive Rules, and cannot be changed except in the way prescribed +for altering the Restrictive Rules, then I say that this General +Conference has again and again been both lawless and revolutionary. +Every paragraph of the chapter, known as the Constitution, beginning +with §63, and closing with §69, was put into that Constitution without +any voice from an Annual Conference of this foot-stool. Not one single +one of them was ever submitted to an Annual Conference; §20, ¶183, stood +for many years in the Constitution of the Church, but was transferred +bodily from that Constitution by the General Conference to the position +it now occupies. You come and tell us to-day that we cannot change the +Constitution outside of the Restrictive Rules without going down to the +Annual Conferences; it is too late in the day to say that. We have made +too much history on that point. The present plan of lay delegation was +not submitted to the Annual Conferences. Bishop Simpson definitely +stated when he reported to the General Conference the result of the vote +ordered in 1868 that the question simply of the introduction of the +laity into the General Conference was presented to be voted upon by the +laity and by the Annual Conferences, but the "plan" was not submitted +to either to be voted upon, and the "plan" for lay delegation by which +these lay brethren occupy their seats here this morning was made in +every jot and tittle by the General Conference without any reference to +the Annual Conferences at all. + +I want to know, then, by what propriety we come here in this General +Conference to say that there can be no change of Part I. of the +Constitution outside of the Restrictive Rules. The General Conference +cannot alter our articles of faith, it cannot abolish our Episcopacy; it +cannot deprive our members of a right to trial and appeal. These come +under the Restrictive Rules, and cannot be touched by this body without +the consent of the Annual Conferences; but all else has been from +beginning, and is now in the hands of the General Conference. Let it be +remembered that this General Conference is a unique body. It is at once +a legislative and a judicial body; in the former capacity it makes law; +in the latter capacity it has the power to construe law. + +It is at once a Congress, if you please, to enact law, and a supreme +court to interpret law. Now, then, in admitting women to our General +Conference, we are simply construing the Constitution, and not changing +the Constitution. The Supreme Court of the United States gives decisions +on the construing of the Constitution, and who ever heard of a decision +of the Supreme Court being sent down to be ratified by the State +Legislatures? The Supreme Court of the United States construes the +Constitution, without any reference to the State Legislatures, and so +we construe law without any reference to the Annual Conferences. If we +touch the law inside of the Restrictive Rules, we must go down to the +Annual Conferences. Outside we are free to legislate as we may. + +What is the Constitution for? The Constitution is designed simply to +limit the powers of the Legislature. In my own State of Ohio, for +illustration, we have an article in our Constitution that forbids our +Legislature to license the liquor traffic, but our legislators give a +license under the guise of taxing, but they cannot give us a license +law in form. The Constitution prevents it. There are States that have +Constitutions that have no word to say about the liquor traffic at all, +while they may either tax, license, or prohibit. + +This is a fact that is well settled, that the Constitution is a +limitation of legislative power, and where there is no such limitation +there is no restriction. + + + + +ADDRESS OF REV. DR. ALFRED WHEELER. + + +Mr. President, it will be well for us, so far as we have progressed in +this discussion, to see how near and how far we agree. It is admitted by +the friends of the report, or by the committee, that this is a question +of law, and to be decided exclusively upon principles of law. So far as +those who are opposed to the report have spoken, they conceive, as I +understand it, that the position taken by the committee is taken by +those who are advocating its adoption. Then we are agreed that it is not +a matter of sentiment, it is not a matter of chivalry. There is no place +for knighthood, or any of its laws, or any other of the principles that +dominated the contests of the knights of old. If it were a matter of +knighthood there is not a man on this floor that would deem it necessary +to bring a lance into this body. All would be peace and quiet. + +There are none that would hail with more joy and gladness the women of +the Church to a seat in this body than those of us who now, under the +circumstances, oppose their coming in. + +It is not either a matter of progressive legislation regarding the +franchise of colored men, or of anybody else in the country. It is a +question of law, Methodist law, and Methodist law alone. + +Now, so far as the intention is concerned of those who made the law, I +do not see how those who have kept themselves conversant with the +history of lay delegation can for a moment claim that it was even the +most remote intention of those who introduced lay delegation into the +General Conference to bring in the women, and for us to transfer the +field now toward women, in view of their magnificent work in the last +ten or fifteen years, back to twenty years, is to commit an anachronism +that would be fatal to all just interpretation of law. + +I myself was in the very first meeting that was ever called to initiate +the movement that at last brought in lay delegation. I voted for it; I +wrote for it; I spoke for it in the General Conference and in the Annual +Conferences. I was a member of the first lay committee, or Committee on +Lay Delegation, that was appointed here by the General Conference in +1868. And during all these various processes of discussion, so far as I +know, the thought was never suggested that under it women would come in +to represent the laity, nor was it ever suggested that it was desirable +that they should; so that the intention of the law-maker could never +have embraced this design--the design of bringing women into the General +Conference. I leave that. + +Now, I claim that the General Conference has no legal authority to admit +them here. We are not an omnipotent body. I know that the Supreme Court +of the United States, in that contest between the Northern Church, or +the Methodist Episcopal Church, and the Church South, decided that the +General Conference was the Methodist Episcopal Church. I used that +argument myself upon the Conference floor in 1868, that the General +Conference could, without any other process, by mere legislation, +introduce the laity into this body. I claimed there and then that, +according to that decision, the Methodist Episcopal Church was in the +General Conference. The General Conference refused to accept that +endorsement of that Court, or that proposition concerning the +prerogatives of this body. And through all the processes that have +been ordered concerning the introduction of lay delegation that +interpretation of the constitution of the Church has been repudiated. +The Church herself rejected the interpretation that the Supreme Court +placed upon her constitution, and as a loyal son of the Church I +accepted her interpretation of her own constitution, so that now I claim +that the General Conference has no authority whatever to change the +_personnel_ of the General Conference without the vote of the Annual +Conferences. Before it can be done constitutionally, you must obtain the +consent of the brethren of the Annual Conferences, and I am in favor of +that, and of receiving an affirmative vote on their part. But until this +is done I do not see how they can come in only as we trample the organic +law of our Church under our feet. And to do this, there is nothing but +peril ahead of us. + +A simple body may disregard law with comparative impunity, but an +organic body that is complicated, complex in its nature, will find its +own security in adhering earnestly, strictly, and everlastingly, to the +law that that body passes for the government of its own conduct. + +Let us see, now, with regard to this Restrictive Rule. As I have said, +it has been admitted all along that the action of the Annual Conferences +must be secured. Here comes in the decision of the General Conference of +1872. I do not need to recite it. But let us bear in mind two facts. One +is, that this General Conference is a legislative body, and that it +is also a judicial body. As a judicial body, it interprets law; as +a legislative body, it makes law. The General Conference of 1872 +interpreted law, and the General Conference may reverse itself with +just as much propriety as a court can reverse itself. And if it be +the judgment of this General Conference that that interpretation was +incorrect, it is perfectly competent for this Conference to say so, and +have its action correspond with its own decision. + +There is another point. The case that was before the General Conference +of 1876 was a specific case. It was the case of the relation that +local preachers sustain to the Church, a particular case. This is the +principle of all decisions in law, that when a particular case is +decided in general terms, the scope and comprehension of the decision +must be limited to the particular case itself. And if a court in its +decision embraces more than was involved in the particular case, it has +no force whatever. And as this was a particular case submitted to +the General Conference, and the decision was in general terms, it +comprehends simply the case that was before it, and cannot be advanced +to comprehend more. And the reason of this is very obvious; for if it +was not the case, then cases might be brought before the court for its +decision that had never occurred. + +There is another point I wish to notice. The General Conference of 1880 +did not see the effect that legislation would have by admitting women +to certain offices. Certain affirmative legislation is also negative +legislation. When saloons are permitted to sell in quantities of one +gallon, it forbids to sell in quantities of less than one gallon; when +it says you can sell in quantities of one barrel, it forbids them to +sell in quantities of two. When the General Conference of 1880 +decided that women should be eligible in the Quarterly Conferences as +superintendents of Sunday-schools, class-leaders, and as stewards, by +that very affirmative conclusion, the subject was passed upon about +their taking any other position. That, I think, must be regarded as +sound, and a just interpretation of the law. + +But suppose it is not; the General Conference of 1880 certainly did not +understand the matter as the General Conference of 1872 did. For if it +had, there would have been no necessity for legislation at all, there +would have been no need for putting in the law as it now stands, +that the pronoun "he," wherever employed, shall not be considered +as prohibiting women from holding the offices of Sunday-school +Superintendent, Class Leader, and Steward. + +Now, for this reason, and for the further reason that it is a matter of +immense importance that we guard against despotism, I oppose changing +the _personnel_ of the General Conference without my Annual Conference +has a right to vote upon it, and it is voted upon. Despotism is a +suitable term. A General Conference may become a despot, and just as +soon as it goes outside of its legitimate province, then it usurps, and +so far as it usurps, it becomes despotic, and is a despot; and you and +I, so far as our Annual Conferences are concerned, do well to regard +with a deep jealousy an infringement upon our organic rights. The +only safety of the Church is the equipoise that is constituted by the +relation the Annual Conferences sustain to the General Conference, +and far safer is it for us to bring these women of the Church, elect, +honorable women, into the General Conference of the Church by the same +way that their husbands and brothers are here. + +There is another thought that I wish to suggest. What are the +possibilities with regard to lay delegation, supposing the design of +those who wish to bring women in without further action is successful? +You make lay delegation a farce in this body. The presiding elders and +pastors of the Church may act in co-operation, and they can elect +their own wives as delegates to this General Conference, and thus +lay delegation comes to be a farce. Some of you may laugh at this +suggestion, but it is an _in posse_, and it may easily be made an _in +esse_. It is important to us that the laity should hold the place they +have by the regulations we have, and they should be changed only to make +them more perfect. + +No body is safe without adherence to law. We may set lightly by law; we +may regard it as a thing to be laid aside at the command of excitement +or passion, but the nation that does that is a doomed nation, and the +Church that does that has its history already written. The only safe +course for us to pursue is to pursue the wise, careful, judicious, +and conservative--I mean every word--and conservative course we have +heretofore pursued through all our history. When we boast of what +Methodism has done, or what she is going to do, let us remember it is +because of her firm adherence to law. + +It is with her as it is with the German nation and the Anglo-Saxon +race--everywhere our glory is in our adherence to wise laws, and if we +pass unwise laws, in repealing them in the same wise. + + + + +ADDRESS OF GENERAL CLINTON B. FISK. + + +Mr. President and Brethren, to an onlooker of this remarkable scene, +this great debate now in the third day of its progress must be +suggestive of some of the marvellous plays, woven into song, which have +made the hearts of the thronging multitudes who have crowded this place +of meeting in the past throb alternately with emotions of hope and fear +as to the outcome of the parties involved in plot and counterplot. The +visitors to this General Conference, seated in their boxes and in the +family circle, Will say surely these honored men of God who have been +called as Superintendents of the affairs of our great conquering Church, +these chosen ministers of reconciliation and peace, these _male_ +laymen called by their brethren to their high places in this General +Conference, whose names at home are the synonym of chivalrous +goodness--surely all these of rank and talent and authority, whose able +and eloquent words have been ringing through the arches and dome of this +temple of music on the wrong side of the question, are but simply acting +the parts assigned them. In the final scene they will join hands around +the eligible women elect, who, in obedience to the call of the laity in +their several Conferences, are in their seats with us, and say, "Whom +God hath joined, let not _male_ put asunder." My brothers, let us +briefly restate the case. Five noble women of the laymen of the +Methodist Episcopal Church have been chosen as delegates to this General +Conference under the Constitution and by the forms prescribed by the +laws of the Church. As they enter, or attempt to enter, the portals of +this great assemblage they hear a voice from the platform, in words not +to be misunderstood, "Thou shalt not," and voices from all parts of the +house take up the prohibitory words, and supplement the voices of the +Bishops, "Thou shalt not." And one would think, from the vehement +oratory of the resisting delegates of this General Conference, that the +foundations of the Church were in imminent peril by the presence of +these "elect ladies" among us. + +Let us turn back a moment, and review the history of the rise, progress, +and triumph of the cause of lay representation. I claim to know a little +something about it, as I was on the skirmish line in the conflict, and +in all its battles fought until the day of victory. + +In 1861, to the male members of the Church, was submitted the question +of lay representation. It failed of securing a majority vote. Had it +carried, there would have been plausibility in the argument this +day made against the eligibility of women to seats in this General +Conference. The evolution of the succeeding eight years lifted woman to +a higher appreciation of her position in the Methodist Church, and her +rights and privileges became the theme of discussion throughout the +bounds of the Church. Among the champions for woman was that magnificent +man, that grand old man, Dr. Daniel D. Whedon, who, in discussing this +question, said: + +"If it is _rights_ they talk of, every competent member of the Church of +Christ, of either sex and of every shade of complexion, has equal +original rights. Those rights, they may be assured, when that question +comes fairly up, will be firmly asserted and maintained." + +And in answer to the expected fling, "But you are a woman's rights man," +he replied: + +"We are a human rights man. And our mother was a human being. And our +wives, sisters, and daughters are all human beings. And that these human +beings are liable as any other human beings to be oppressed by the +stronger sex, and as truly need in self-defence a check upon oppression, +the history of all past governments and legislation does most terribly +demonstrate. What is best in the State is not indeed with us the +question; but never, with our consent, shall the Church of the living +God disfranchise her who gave to the world its divine Redeemer. When +that disfranchisement comes to the debate, may the God of eternal +righteousness give us strength equal to our will to cleave it to the +ground!" + +The General Conference of 1868, after full discussion, submitted the +question of Lay Representation to a vote of all the members of the +Church, male and female, thus recognizing the women as laymen, as +belonging to the great body of the laity, and as vitally interested in +the government of the Church, and having rights under that government. +During the debate on the report of the Committee on the plan for +submitting the question as in 1861, to the male members, Dr. Sherman +moved to strike out the word "male." While that motion was under +consideration, Dr. Slicer, of Baltimore, said, "If it were the last +moment I should spend, and the last articulate sound I should utter, +I should speak for the wives, mothers, and daughters of the Methodist +Episcopal Church.... I am for women's rights, sir, _wherever church +privileges are concerned_." + +Dr. Sherman's motion was carried by a vote of 142 to 70, and the +question of lay representation was submitted to all the members of the +Church over twenty-one years of age. The General Conference did not ask +women to vote on a proposition that only male members of the Church +should be represented in the General Conference, and it did not then +enter the thought of any clear-headed man that women were to be deprived +of their rights to a seat in the General Conference. There were a few +noisy, disorderly brethren who cried out from their seats, "No, no," but +they were silenced by the presiding Bishop and the indignation of the +right thinking, orderly delegates. + +What does the Rev. Dr. David Sherman, the mover of the motion to strike +out the word "male," now say of the prevailing sentiment on that day of +great debate? I have his freshly written words in response to an inquiry +made a few weeks ago. On March 21st he made this statement: + +"Some of us believed that women were laymen, that the term 'men' in the +Discipline, as elsewhere, often designated not sex, but genus; and that +those who constituted a main part of many of our churches should have a +voice in determining under what government they would live. We believed +in the rightful equality of the sexes before the law, and hence that +women should have the same right as men to vote and hold office. The +Conference of 1868 was a reform body, and it seemed possible to take +these views on a stage; hence the amendment was offered, and carried +with a rush and heartiness even beyond my expectations....The latter +interpretation of the Conference making all not members of Conferences +laymen, fully carried out these views, as they were understood at the +moment by the majority party. Some, to be sure, cried out against it, +but their voices were not heard amid the roar of victory. Who can go +back of the interpretation of the supreme court of the Church?" + +It is amazing that brethren will stand here to-day and utterly ignore +the decision of our Supreme Court in defining who are laymen. Could +the utterances of any Court be more definite and clear than those of the +General Conference when it said, "The General Conference holds that +in all matters connected with the election of lay delegates the word +'laymen' must be understood to include all the members of the Church who +are not members of the Annual Conferences"? This decision must include +women among the laity of the Church. I know it is said that this means +the classification of local preachers. We respond that that only appears +from the debate. The General Conference was settling a great principle +in which the personal rights and privileges of two thirds of the +membership of our Church were involved. Surely, our Supreme Court would +have made a strange decision had they, in defining laymen, excepted +women. Let us see how it would look in cold type had they said, "The +General Conference holds that in all matters connected with the election +of lay delegates the word laymen must be understood to include all the +members of the Annual Conferences, _and who are not women_." We would +have become the laughing-stock of Christendom had we made such an +utterance. The Church universal in all ages has always divided its +membership into two great classes, and two only, the clergy and +the laymen, using the terms laity and laymen synonymously and +interchangeably. See Bingham's "Antiquities," Blackstone's +"Commentaries," Schaffs "History," and kindred authorities. It is sheer +trifling for sensible males to talk about a distinction between lay_men_ +and lay_women_. + +Women were made class-leaders, stewards, and Sunday-school +superintendents, and employed in these several capacities long before +the specific interpretations of the pronouns were made. They were so +appointed and employed in Saint Paul's Church in this city during the +pastorate of that sainted man, John M'Clintock, in 1860, and could the +voice of that great leader and lover of the Church reach us to day from +the skies it would be in protest against the views presented in this +debate by the supporters of the committee's report and its amendment. + +It is a well-established and incontrovertible principle of law that any +elector is eligible to the office for which said elector votes, unless +there be a _specific enactment discriminating against the elector_. Our +law says that a lay delegate shall be twenty-five years of age, and five +years a member of the Methodist Episcopal Church. It does not say that a +delegate must not be a woman, or must be a man. + +Women are eligible to membership in this General Conference. Women have +been chosen delegates as provided by law. They are here in their seats +ready for any duty on committees, or otherwise, as they may be invited. +We cannot turn them out and slam the door on their exit. It would be +revolutionary so to do by a simple vote of this body. It would be a +violation of the guarantees of personal liberty, a holding of the +just rights of the laity of the Church. We cannot exclude them from +membership in the General Conference, except by directing the Annual +Conferences to vote on the question of their exclusion. Are we ready to +send that question in that form down to the Annual Conferences for their +action? I trust that a large majority of this General Conference will +say with emphasis we are not ready for any such action. The women of our +Methodism have a place in the heart of the Church from which they cannot +be dislodged. They are our chief working members. They are at the very +front of every great movement of the Church at home or abroad. In the +spirit of rejoicing consecration our matrons and maids uphold the +banner of our Lord in every conflict with the enemy of virtue and +righteousness. Looking down upon us from these galleries, tier upon +tier, are the magnificent leaders of the Woman's Foreign and the Woman's +Home Missionary Societies. Our women are at the front of the battle now +waging against the liquor traffic in our fair land, and they will not +cease their warfare until this nation shall be redeemed from the curse +of the saloon. God bless all these women of our great conquering Church +of the Redeemer. + +Twenty years ago Bishop Hurst accompanied me on a leisurely tour of +continental Europe. In the old city of Nuremberg we wandered among +the old churches and market-places, where may be seen the marvellous +productions of that evangel of art, Albert Durer. In an old schloss in +that city may be found the diary of Albert Durer, almost four centuries +old. In it you may read as follows: "Master Gebhart, of Antwerp, has +a daughter seventeen years old, and she has illuminated the head of a +Saviour for which I gave a florin. It is a marvel that a woman could +do so much." Three and a half centuries later Rosa Bonheur hangs her +master-piece in the chief places of the galleries of the world, and +Harriet Hosmer's studio contributes many of the best marbles that adorn +the parlors of Europe and America, and no one wonders that a woman can +do so much. From that day when Martin Luther, the protesting monk, and +Catherine Von Bora, the ex-nun, stood together at the altar and the +twain became one, woman has by her own heroism, by her faith in her sex +and in God, who made her, fought a good fight against the organized +selfishness of those who would withhold from her any right or privilege +to which she is entitled, and has lifted herself from slavery and +barbarism to a place by the side of man, where God placed her in +paradise, his equal in tact and talent, moving upon the world with her +unseen influences, and making our Christian civilization what it is +to-day. Let not our Methodism in this her chiefest council say or do +ought that shall lead the world to conclude that we are retreating from +our advanced position of justice to the laity of the Church. Let us +rather strengthen our guarantee of loving protection of every right and +privilege of every member of our Church, without distinction of race, +color, or sex. Amen and Amen. + + + + +ADDRESS OF JUDGE Z. P. TAYLOR. + + +Mr. President and Gentlemen, when elected a delegate I had no opinion on +the constitutional question here involved. But I had then, and I have +now, a sympathy for the women, and a profound admiration of their work. +No man on this floor stands more ready and more willing to assist them +by all lawful and constitutional means to every right and and to every +privilege enjoyed by men. + +But, sir, notwithstanding this admiration and sympathy, I cannot lose +sight of the vital question before the General Conference now and here. + +That question is this: Under the Constitution and Restrictive Rules of +the Methodist Episcopal Church are women eligible as lay delegates in +this General Conference? If they are, then this substitute offered by +Dr. Moore does them an injustice, because it puts a cloud upon their +right and title to seats upon this floor. If they are not, then this +body would be in part an unconstitutional body if they are admitted. + +It follows that whoever supports this substitute either wrongs the elect +ladies or violates the Constitution. If they are constitutionally a part +of this body, seat them; if they are not, vote down this substitute, and +adopt the report of the committee, with the amendment of Dr. Neely, and +then let them in four years hence in the constitutional way. After +the most careful study of the vital question in the light of history, +ecclesiastical, common, and constitutional law, it is my solemn and +deliberate judgment that women are not eligible as lay delegates in this +body. + +Facts, records, and testimonials conclusively prove that in 1868, when +the General Conference submitted the matter of lay delegation to the +entire membership of the Church, the idea of women being eligible was +not the intent. The intent was to bring into the General Conference a +large number of men of business experience, who could render service +by their knowledge and experience touching the temporal affairs of the +Church. When the principle of admitting lay delegates was voted upon +by the laity, this idea, and no other, was intended. When the Annual +Conferences voted for the principle and the plan, this and this only was +their intent. + +When the General Conference, by the constitutional majority, acted in +favor of admitting the lay delegates provisionally elected, this idea, +and none other, actuated them. It was not the intent then to admit +women, but to admit men only, and the intent must govern in construing a +Constitution. + +Dr. Fisk said Judge Cooley is a high authority on constitutional law. I +admit it, and am happy to say that I was a student of his over a quarter +of a century ago, and ever since then have studied and practised +constitutional law, and I am not here to stultify my judgment by +allowing sentiment and impulse to influence my decision. + +Those opposing the report of the committee, with few exceptions, admit +that it was not the intent and purpose, when the Constitution and +Restrictive Rules were amended, to admit women as lay delegates. They +claim, however, that times have changed, and now propose to force a +construction upon the language not intended by the laity, the Annual +Conferences, or the General Conference at the time of the amendment. Can +this be done without an utter violation of law? I answer, No. + +In the able address read by Bishop Merrill, containing the views of the +Board of Bishops, he says: + + +"For the first time in our history several 'elect ladies' appear, +regularly certified from Electoral Conferences, as lay delegates to this +body. In taking the action which necessitates the consideration of the +question of their eligibility, the Electoral Conferences did not consult +the Bishops as to the law in the case, nor do we understand it to be our +duty to define the law for these Conferences; neither does it appear +that any one is authorized to decide questions of law in them. The +Electoral Conferences simply assumed the lawfulness of this action, +being guided, as we are informed, by a declarative resolution of the +General Conference of 1872, defining the scope of the word 'laymen," in +answer to a question touching the classification and rights of ordained +local and located ministers. Of course, the language of that resolution +is carried beyond its original design when applied to a subject not +before the body when it was adopted, and not necessarily involved in the +language itself. This also should be understood, that no definition of +the word 'laymen' settles the question of eligibility as to any class +of persons, for many are classed as laymen for the purposes of lay +representation, and have to do with it officially as laymen, who are +themselves not eligible as delegates. Even laymen who are confessedly +ineligible, who are not old enough to be delegates, or have not been +members long enough, may be stewards, class-leaders, trustees, local +preachers and exhorters, and, as such, be members of the Quarterly +Conference, and vote for delegates to the Electoral Conference without +themselves being eligible. + +"The constitutional qualifications for eligibility cannot be modified by +a resolution of the General Conference, however sweeping, nor can the +original meaning of the language be enlarged. If women were included in +the original constitutional provision for lay delegates, they are here +by constitutional right. If they were not so included, it is beyond the +power of this body to give them membership lawfully, except by the +formal amendment of the Constitution, which cannot be effected without +the consent of the Annual Conferences. In extending to women the highest +spiritual privileges, in recognizing their gifts, and in providing for +them spheres of Christian activity, as well as in advancing them to +positions of official responsibility, ours has been a leader of the +Churches, and gratefully do we acknowledge the good results shown in +their enlarged usefulness, and in the wonderful developments of their +power to work for God, which we take as evidences of the divine approval +of the high ground taken. In all reformatory and benevolent enterprises, +especially in the Temperance, Missionary, and Sunday-school departments +of Church-work, their success is marvellous, and challenges our highest +admiration. Happily no question of competency or worthiness is involved +in the question of their eligibility as delegates. Hitherto the +assumption underlying the legislation of the Church has been that they +were ineligible to official positions, except by special provision of +law. In harmony with this assumption, they have been made eligible, +by special enactment, of the offices of steward, class-leader, and +Sunday-school superintendent, and naturally the question arises as +to whether the necessity for special legislation, in order to their +eligibility to those specified offices, does not indicate similar +necessity for special provision in order to their eligibility as +delegates, and if so it is further to be considered that the offices of +steward, class-leader, and Sunday-school superintendent may be created +and filled by simple enactments of the General Conference itself; but to +enter the General Conference, and form part of the law-making body +of the Church, requires special provision in the Constitution, and, +therefore, such provision as the General Conference alone cannot make." + + +Now, sir, this language moves forward with a grasp of logic akin to that +used by Chief Justice Marshall, or that eminent jurist, Cooley, from +whom I beg leave to quote. Cooley, in his great work on "Constitutional +Limitations," says: + + +"A Constitution is not made to mean one thing at one time, and another +at some subsequent time, when the circumstances may have changed as +perhaps to make a different rule in the case seem desirable. A principal +share of the benefit expected from written Constitutions would be +lost, if the rules they establish were so flexible as to bend to +circumstances, or be modified by public opinion. + +"The meaning of the Constitution is fixed when it is adopted, and is not +different at any subsequent time." + + +This same great author says: + +"Intent governs. The object of construction applied to a written +constitution is to give effect to the intent of the people in adopting +it. In the case of written laws it is the intent of the lawgiver that is +to be enforced. + +"But it must not be forgotten in construing our constitutions that in +many particulars they are but the legitimate successors of the great +charters of English liberty whose provisions declaratory of the rights +of the subject have acquired a well understood meaning which the people +must be supposed to have had in view in adopting them. We cannot +understand these unless we understand their history. + +"It is also a very reasonable rule that a State Constitution shall be +understood and construed in the light, and by the assistance of the +common law, and with the fact in view that its rules are still in force. + +"It is a maxim with the Courts that statutes in derogation of the common +law shall be construed strictly." + +Here, sir, we have the language of Judge Cooley himself. It is as clear +as the noonday's sun, and he utterly repudiates the pernicious doctrine +that the Constitution can grow and develop so as to mean one thing when +it is adopted, and something else at another time. You can never inject +anything into a Constitution by construction which was not in it when +adopted. And you are bound, according to all rules of construction, to +give it the construction which was intended when adopted. No man of +common honesty and common sense dares to assert on this floor that it +was the intent when the Constitution was amended to admit women as lay +delegates. It follows inevitably that they are not constitutionally +eligible, and to admit them is to violate the Constitution of the +Church, which, as a Court, we are in honor bound not to do. + +It has been asserted with gravity that the right to vote for a person +for office carries with it the right to be voted for unless prohibited +by positive enactment. This proposition is not true, and never has been. +We have seen, when the Constitution and Restrictive Rules were amended, +the intent was to admit men only as lay delegates. No General Conference +can, by resolution or decision, change the Constitution and Restrictive +Rules. Grant, if you please, that the General Conference, by its action +in 1880, had power to make women eligible in the Quarterly Conference as +stewards and class-leaders, this could not qualify her to become a lay +delegate in the law-making body of the Church. The qualifications of lay +delegates to this body must inhere in the Constitution and Restrictive +Rules, according to their intent and meaning when adopted. It is +fundamental law that where general disabilities exist, not simply by +statute, but by common law, the removal of lesser disabilities does not +carry with it the removal of the greater ones. + +Legislation qualifying women to vote in Wyoming and elsewhere had to be +coupled also with positive enactments qualifying her to be voted for, +otherwise she would have been ineligible to office. This is so, and I +defy any lawyer to show the contrary. + +§3, Article I, Constitution of the United States, reads: + +"The Senate of the United States shall be composed of two Senators from +each State, chosen by the Legislature thereof for six years. No person +shall be a Senator who shall not have attained to the age of thirty +years, and been nine years a citizen of the United States, and who shall +not, when elected, be an inhabitant of the State for which he shall be +chosen." + + +These and no other qualifications are worded or found in the +Constitution of the United States touching the qualification of +Senators. Is there a layman on this floor who will dare assert that +under the Constitution of the United States women are eligible as +Representatives or Senators? Words of common gender are exclusively +used as applied to the qualification of Senators. The words persons and +citizens include women the same as they include men. Nevertheless, in +the light of the past, I am bold to assert, that any man who would dare +stand in the Senate of the United States, and contend that women are +eligible to the office of United States Senators, would be regarded by +the civilized world as a person of gush and void of judgment. + +Article 14, United States Constitution, §1: + + +"All persons born or naturalized in the United States and subject to the +jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States, wherein they +reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the +_privileges_ or _immunities_ of citizens of the United States; nor shall +any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property without due +process of law, _nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the +equal protection of the laws_." + + +(Tax case and what was decided.) (Mrs. Minor _vs_. Judges of Election. +53 Mo. 68.) + +The first case indicates that the word citizen when affecting property +rights includes corporations. + +The second, that the word person, when it relates to the woman claiming +the right to vote, does not confer upon her that right. + +The language is: No State shall make or enforce any law which shall +abridge the privileges or immunities of any citizen of the United +States. Nevertheless, a Republican Circuit Judge held this language did +not entitle Mrs. Minor to vote. A democratic Supreme Court of Missouri +held the same, and the Supreme Court of the United States, in an able +opinion written by men known as the friends of women, conclusively +demonstrated that these constitutional guarantees did not confer upon +woman the right to vote. Why? Because, from time immemorial, this right +had not obtained in favor of woman, and these words of common gender +should not be so construed as to confer this right, since it was not +intended when made to affect their status in this regard. + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Samantha Among the Brethren, by Josiah Allen's Wife + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SAMANTHA AMONG THE BRETHREN *** + +This file should be named 8sam810.txt or 8sam810.zip +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks get a new NUMBER, 8sam811.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, 8sam810a.txt + +Produced by Juliet Sutherland, David Widger +and PG Distributed Proofreaders + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. 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