initial commit of ebook 9481HEADmain

1 files changed, 2732 insertions, 0 deletions

diff --git a/9481.txt b/9481.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..3a3f5d7
--- /dev/null
+++ b/9481.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,2732 @@
+Project Gutenberg's Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 2, April 9, 1870, by Various
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 2, April 9, 1870
+
+Author: Various
+
+Posting Date: January 18, 2013 [EBook #9481]
+Release Date: December, 2005
+First Posted: October 4, 2003
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, APRIL 9, 1870 ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Marvin
+A. Hodges and the Online Distributed Proofreaders
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+"The Printing House of the United States,"
+
+GEO. F. NESBITT & CO.,
+
+General JOB PRINTERS,
+BLANK BOOK Manufacturers,
+STATIONERS, Wholesale and Retail,
+LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers,
+COPPER-PLATE Engravers and Printers,
+CARD Manufacturers,
+ENVELOPE Manufacturers,
+FINE CUT and COLOR Printers.
+
+163, 165, 167, and 169 PEARL ST.,
+73, 75, 77, and 79 PINE ST., New-York.
+
+ADVANTAGES. All on the same premises, and under the immediate
+supervision of the proprietors.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+WALTHAM WATCHES.
+
+3-4 PLATE.
+
+_16 and 30 Sizes._
+
+To the manufacture of these fine Watches the Company have devoted all the
+science and skill in the art at their command, and confidently claim that,
+for fineness and beauty, no less than for the greater excellences of
+mechanical and scientific correctness of design and execution, these
+watches are unsurpassed anywhere.
+
+In this country the manufacture of this fine grade of Watches is not even
+attempted except at Waltham.
+
+FOR SALE BY ALL LEADING JEWELLERS.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+MOLLER'S PUREST NORWEGIAN
+
+COD-LIVER OIL.
+
+
+"Of late years it has become almost impossible to get any Cod-Liver Oil
+that patients can digest, owing to the objectionable mode of procuring and
+preparing the livers....Moller, of Christiana, Norway, prepares an oil
+which is perfectly pure, and in every respect all that can be wished."--
+DR. L. A. SAYRE, before Academy of Medicine. See _Medical Record_,
+December, 1869, p. 447.
+
+
+SOLD BY DRUGGISTS,
+
+
+W. H. SCHIEFFELIN & CO.,
+
+
+Sole Agents for the United States and Canada.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: Vol. 1. No. 2.]
+
+PUNCHINELLO
+
+
+SATURDAY, APRIL 9, 1870.
+
+
+PUBLISHED BY THE
+
+
+PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,
+
+
+83 NASSAU STREET, NEW-YORK.
+
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+PUNCHINELLO April 9, 1870
+
+APPLICATIONS FOR ADVERTISING IN
+
+"PUNCHINELLO"
+
+Should be addressed to
+
+J. NICKINSON,
+
+Room No. 4,
+
+83 NASSAU STREET.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE "BREWSTER WAGON,"
+
+The Standard for Style and Quality.
+
+BREWSTER & COMPANY,
+
+of Broome Street.
+
+WAREROOMS,
+
+Fifth Avenue, corner of Fourteenth Street.
+
+ELEGANT CARRIAGES,
+
+_In all the fashionable Varieties,_
+
+EXCLUSIVELY OF OUR OWN BUILD.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Thomas J. Rayner & Co.,
+
+29 LIBERTY STREET,
+
+New-York,
+
+MANUFACTURERS OF THE
+
+_Finest Cigars made in the United States._
+
+All sizes and styles. Prices very moderate. Samples sent to
+any responsible house. Also importers of the
+
+_"FUSBOS" BRAND,_
+
+Equal in quality to the best of the Havana market, and for ten
+ to twenty per cent cheaper.
+
+Restaurant, Bar, Hotel, and Saloon trade will save money by
+calling at
+
+29 LIBERTY STREET.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+GEO. BOWLEND,
+
+ARTIST,
+
+Room No. 11,
+
+No. 160 FULTON STREET,
+
+NEW-YORK.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+WEVILL & HAMMAR,
+
+Wood Engravers,
+
+No. 208 BROADWAY,
+
+NEW-YORK.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+PUNCHINELLO.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+With a large and varied experience in the management and publication of a
+paper of the class herewith submitted, and with the still more positive
+advantage of an Ample Capital to justify the undertaking, the
+
+PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING C0.
+
+OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK
+
+Presents to the public for approval, the
+
+NEW ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL
+
+WEEKLY PAPER,
+
+PUNCHINELLO,
+
+The first number of which will be Issued under date of April 2, 1870, and
+thereafter weekly.
+
+PUNCHINELLO will be _National_, and not _local_; and will
+endeavour to become a household word in all parts of the country; and to
+that end has secured a
+
+VALUABLE CORPS OF CONTRIBUTORS
+
+in various sections of the Union, while its columns will always be open to
+appropriate first-class literary and artistic talent.
+
+PUNCHINELLO will be entirely original; humorous and witty, without
+vulgarity, and satirical without malice. It will be printed on a superior
+tinted paper of sixteen pages, size 13 by 9, and will be for sale by all
+respectable newsdealers who have the judgment to know a good thing when
+they see it, or by subscription from this office.
+
+The Artistic department will be in charge of Henry L. Stephens, whose
+celebrated cartoons in VANITY FAIR placed him in the front rank of humorous
+artists, assisted by leading artists in their respective specialties.
+
+The management of the paper will be in the hands of WILLIAM A. STEPHENS,
+with whom is associated CHARLES DAWSON SHANLY, both of whom were identified
+with VANITY FAIR.
+
+ORIGINAL ARTICLES,
+
+Suitable for the paper, and Original Designs, or suggestive ideas or
+sketches for Illustrations, upon the topics of the day, are always
+acceptable, and will be paid for liberally.
+
+Rejected communications can not be returned, unless postage stamps are
+inclosed.
+
+Terms:
+
+One copy, per year, in advance.................... $4.00
+
+Single copes, ten cents.
+
+A specimen copy will be mailed free upon the receipt of ten cents.
+
+One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other magazine or paper
+price, $2.50, for..................... 5.50
+
+One copy, with any magazine or paper price, $4, for.... 7.00
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to
+
+PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,
+
+No. 83 Nassau Street,
+
+NEW-YORK,
+
+P.O. Box 2783.
+
+(_For terms to Clubs, see 16th page._)
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Mercantile Library
+
+Clinton Hall, Astor Place
+
+NEW-YORK.
+
+This is now the largest circulating Library In America, the number of
+volumes on its shelves being 114,000. About 1000 volumes are added each
+month; and very large purchases are made of all new and popular works.
+
+Books are delivered at members' residences for five cents each delivery.
+
+TERMS OF MEMBERSHIP:
+
+TO CLERKS,
+
+$1 Initiation, $3 Annual Dues.
+
+TO OTHERS, $5 a year.
+
+SUBSCRIPTIONS TAKEN FOR SIX MONTHS.
+
+BRANCH OFFICES
+
+AT
+
+NO. 76 CEDAR STREET, NEW-YORK,
+
+and at
+
+Yonkers, Norwalk, Stamford, and Elizabeth.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+AMERICAN
+
+BUTTONHOLE, OVERSEAMING
+
+AND
+
+SEWING-MACHINE CO.,
+
+563 Broadway, New-York.
+
+This great combination machine is the last and greatest improvement on all
+former machines, making, in addition to all the work done on best
+Lock-Stitch machines, beautiful
+
+BUTTON AND EYELET HOLES:
+
+in all fabrics.
+
+Machine, with finely finished
+
+OILED WALNUT TABLE AND COVER
+
+complete,$75. Same machine, without the buttonhole parts, $60. This last is
+beyond all question the simplest, easiest to manage and to keep in order,
+of any machine in the market. Machines warranted, and full instruction
+given to purchasers.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+HENRY SPEAR
+
+STATIONER, PRINTER
+
+AND
+
+BLANK BOOK MANUFACTURER,
+
+ACCOUNT BOOKS
+
+MADE TO ORDER.
+
+PRINTING OF EVERY DESCRIPTION.
+
+82 Wall Street
+
+NEW-YORK.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+THE UMBRELLA. A VIEW OF THE SHADY SIDE OF LIFE.
+
+A ripe pippin falling upon the head of Sir ISAAC NEWTON (a clear case of
+hard cider on the brain) suggested the laws of gravitation. An elderly
+countryman passing my window this clear bright day, attended by his
+faithful umbrella, suggested the following reflections.
+
+The term Umbrella comes from the Latin _umbra_, a shade--the whole
+signifying "keep shady."
+
+This definition well describes the nature of the article; for, as it
+undoubtedly "keeps shady" in fine weather when the sun is fervent, so it is
+apt to "keep shady" in rainy weather, when most wanted.
+
+It is as difficult to say when the umbrella came, or where it came from, as
+it is to tell where it goes to. Rumor hath it, however, that it came in
+(that is, out of the rain) with NOAH. The story (as given us by an
+antiquarian relative) says that when the Ark was built the camelopard was
+forgotten, and it was found necessary to cut a hole in the roof to
+accommodate the animal's neck. This done, SHEM sat upon the roof and held
+an umbrella. SHEM thus _raised_ the umbrella. Then our further
+question follows, Where did he raise it? Evidently he raised the umbrella
+on the Ark.
+
+These theories seem to us to be entitled to serious consideration; and
+certainly it is a reasonable belief that, as the present suffering from the
+high price of clothing is due to the sin of our first parents, so the
+umbrella is the curse entailed by royalty, coming in with the First Reign
+spoken of in history.
+
+The umbrella appears again in ancient time in connection with DANIEL, who,
+it is said, carried one into the lions' den. The authority for this is a
+historical painting that has fallen into the hands of an itinerant showman.
+A curious fact is stated with reference to this picture, namely, that
+DANIEL so closely resembled the lions in personal appearance that it was
+necessary for the showman to state that "DANIEL might easily be
+distinguished from the lions on account of the blue cotton umbrella under
+his right arm."
+
+For what purpose this umbrella may have been carried we can only surmise.
+
+The most probable theory is, that it was to be used there to intimidate the
+lions, as it has since been used toward mad bulls and other ferocious
+beasts.
+
+We have now taken hold pretty firmly of what may be called the handle of
+the umbrella. We have learned that, as ADAM raised CAIN, NOAH raised the
+umbrella, and DANIEL carried one.
+
+We have learned further that the umbrella carried by DANIEL was a blue
+cotton umbrella--undoubtedly the most primitive type of the umbrella.
+
+It is one of this class that your country friend brings down with him, that
+darkeneth the heavens as with a canopy and maketh you ashamed of your
+company. It is such an umbrella as this that is to be found or might have
+been found, in ancient days, in every old farm-house--one that covered the
+whole household when it went to church, occupying as much room when closed
+as would the tent of an Arab.
+
+We have heard it said that it was the impossibility of two umbrellas of
+this nature passing each other on a narrow road which led to the invention
+of covered wagons.
+
+There is nothing lovely about a blue cotton umbrella, though there may have
+been _under_ it at times and seasons. Skeletons of the species, much
+faded as to color, much weakened as to whalebone, may still be found here
+and there in backwoods settlements, where they are known as "umbrells;"
+there are but few perfect specimens in existence.
+
+The present style of the umbrella is varied, and sometimes elegant. The
+cover is of silk; the ribs are of steel oftener than of bone, and the
+handle is wrought into divers quaint and beautiful shapes. The most common
+kind is the _hooked umbrella_. Most people have hooked umbrellas--or,
+if this statement be offensive to any one, we will say that most people
+have had umbrellas hooked. The chance resemblance of this expression to one
+signifying to obstruct illegally that which properly belongs to another,
+reminds us to speak of the singular fact that the umbrella is not property.
+This is important. It rests on judicial decision, and becomes more
+important when we remember that by similar decision the negro is property,
+and that, therefore, until emancipation, the umbrella was superior to the
+negro. The judicial decision cited will be found reported in _Vanity
+Fair_, liber 3, page 265, and was on this wise: A man being arraigned
+for stealing an umbrella, pleaded that it rained at the time, and he had no
+umbrella. On these grounds he was discharged, and the judge took the
+umbrella. (We may notice here how closely this decision has been followed,
+even down to modern times, and touching other matters than umbrellas.)
+
+This established the fact that the umbrella was not property that could be
+bought, sold, and stolen, but a free gift of the manufacturer to universal
+creation. The right of ownership in umbrellas ranked henceforward with our
+right to own the American continent, being merely a right by discovery.
+
+(TO BE CONTINUED.)
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+Depressing for Chicago.
+
+
+The Chicago press has given up all hopes of the PRINCE OF WALES since he
+has proved his innocence in regard to Lady MORDAUNT. Chicago had begun to
+look upon him with mildly patronizing favor, when he was accused of a share
+in a really first-class divorce case; but now that his innocence is
+established, there is no longer any extenuating circumstance which can
+induce Chicago to overlook the infamous crime of his royal birth.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Latest from the Isthmus of Suez.
+
+
+Of all men, the followers of MOHAMMED are the most candid; since no matter
+of what you accuse them, they always acknowledge the Koran.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Right and Left.
+
+Because the P.& O. Directors have suspended their EYRE, we are not called
+upon to suspend our anger. We decline to believe that he can justify
+himself in leaving the Oneida, however blameless he may have been in the
+matter of the collision. Because the Oneida was Left it does not follow
+that the Bombay was Right.
+
+[ILLUSTRATION:_Mr. Pugsby_. "I THINK, MY DEAR, WE'VE GIVEN HIM
+LAUDANUM ENOUGH. SUPPOSE WE TRY A LITTLE STRYCHNINE?"
+
+_Mrs. Pugsby_. "BUT MIGHTN'T THAT HURT HIM?"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE PLAYS AND SHOWS.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Mr. BOUCICAULT might properly be called the author of the elementary Drama.
+Not because his plays, like elementary lessons in French, are peculiarly
+aggravating to the well-regulated mind, but because of his fondness for
+employing one of the elements of nature--fire, water, or golden hair--in
+the production of the sensation which invariably takes place in the fourth
+or fifth act of each of his popular dramas. In the _Streets of
+New-York_, he made a hit by firing a building at the spectacularly
+disposed audience. In _Formosa_, he gave us a boat-race; and in
+_Lost at Sea_, now running at WALLACK'S, he has renewed his former
+fondness for playing with fire. The following condensed version of this
+play is offered to the readers of PUNCHINELLO, with the assurance that,
+though it may be a little more coherent than the unabridged edition, it is
+a faithful picture of the sort of thing that Mr. BOUCICAULT, aided and
+abetted by Mr. WALLACK, thinks proper to offer to the public.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+LOST AT SEA.
+
+
+ACT I. _Scene_ 1. _Enter Virtuous Banker_. "I have embezzled
+WALTER CORAM'S money, and he is coming from India to claim it. I am a
+ruined man."
+
+_Enter Unprincipled Clerk_. "Not so. WALTER CORAM is lost at sea, and
+we will keep the money."
+
+_Virtuous Banker_. "Thank heaven! I am not found out, and can remain
+an honest man as usual."
+
+_Scene_ 2. _Enter Comic Villain_. "I am just released from prison
+and must soon meet my wife." (_Swears and smashes in his hat_.)
+
+_Enter Unprincipled Clerk_. "Not so. WALTER, CORAM is lost at sea.
+Personate him, draw his money, and share it with me."
+
+_Comic Villain_. "I will." (_Swears and smashes in his hat_.)
+
+_Scene_ 3. _Enter Miss Effie Germon_. (Aside.) "I am supposed to
+be a virtuous and vagabond boy. I hate to show my ankles in ragged
+trowsers, but I must." (_Shows them. Applause_)
+
+_Enter Daughter of Comic Villain_. "I love the unprincipled clerk; but
+there is a sick stranger up-stairs who pokes the fire in a way that I can
+hardly resist. Be firm, my heart. Shall I be untrue to my own unprincipled
+-----"
+
+_Enter Unprincipled Clerk_. "Not so. WALTER CORAM is lost at sea, and
+I must leave these valuable boxes in your hands for safe-keeping."
+(_Leaves the boxes, and then leaves himself_.)
+
+_Enter Sick Stranger_. "I am WALTER CORAM. Those are my boxes.
+Somebody is personating me. Big thing on somebody. Let him go ahead."
+(_Curtain_.)
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_Young Lady in the Audience_. "Isn't EFFIE GERMON perfectly lovely?"
+
+_Accompanying Bostonian Youth_. "Yes; but you should see RISTORI in
+_Marie Antoinette_. There is a sweetness and light about the great
+tragedienne which -----"
+
+_Heavy old Party, to contiguous Young Man_. "Don't think much of this;
+do you? Now, in TOM PLACIDS's day----" _Contiguous and aggrieved Young
+Man pleads an engagement and hastily goes out_.
+
+ACT II. _Scene_ 1. _Virtuous Banker's Villa, Comic Villain,
+Unprincipled Clerk, and Wealthy Heroine dining with the Banker_.
+
+_Enter Original Coram_. "I am WALTER CORAM; but I can't prove it, the
+villains having stolen my bootjack."
+
+_Enter Comic Villain, who smashes in his hat, and swears_.
+
+_Original Coram. (Approaching him_.) "This is WALTER CORAM, I believe?
+I knew you in India. We boarded together. Don't you remember old FUTTYGHUR
+ALLAHABAD, and the rest of our set?"
+
+_Comic Villain, in great mental torture_. "Certainly; of course: I
+said so at the time." (_Swears and smashes in his hat_.) (_Exeunt
+omnes, in search of Virtuous Banker_.)
+
+_Scene_ 2. _Enter Miss Effie Germon, by climbing over the wall_.
+"I hate to climb over the wall and show my ankles in these nasty trowsers,
+but I must." (_Shows them. Applause_.)
+
+_Enter Daughter of Comic Villain_. "Great Heavings! What do I see? My
+beloved clerk offering himself to the wealthy heroine? I must faint!"
+(_Faints_.)
+
+_Enter aristocratic lover of wealthy heroine, and catches the faintress
+in his arms. Wealthy heroine catches him in the act. Tableau of virtuous
+indignation_. (_Curtain_)
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_Young Lady before-named_. "Isn't EFFIE GERMON perfectly sweet?"
+
+_Bostonian Youth_. "Yes; but RISTORI----"
+
+_Mighty Young Men_. "Let's go out for drinks."
+
+
+ACT III. _Scene_ 1. _Enter Daughter of Comic Villain_. "My clerk
+is false, and I don't care a straw for him. Consequently, I will drown
+myself."
+
+_Enter Original Coram_. "I am WALTER CORAM; but I can't prove it, the
+villains having stolen my Calcutta latch-key. Better not drown yourself, my
+dear. You'll find it beastly wet. Don't do it." (_She doesn't do it_.)
+(_Curtain_.)
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_Young Lady before-named_. "Isn't EFFIE GERMON perfectly beautiful?"
+
+_Bostonian Youth_. "Yes. But at her age RISTORI----"
+
+_Heavy old Party murmurs in his sleep of ELLEN TREE. More young men go
+out to get drinks_.
+
+
+ACT IV. _Scene_ 1. _Enter Virtuous Banker_. "All is lost. There
+is a run on the bank -----"
+
+_Enter Unprincipled Clerk_. "WALTER CORAM presents check for L7 4 S.
+We have no funds. Shall we pay it?"
+
+_Enter Original Coram_. (_Aside_.) "I am WALTER CORAM; but I
+can't prove it, the villains having taken my other handkerchief. (_To the
+Banker_.) Sir, you once gave me a penny, and you have since embezzled my
+fortune. How can I repay such noble conduct? Here is a bag of gold. Take it
+and pay your creditors."
+
+_Scene_ 2. _Enter Unprincipled Clerk and Comic Villain_.
+
+_Unprincipled Clerk_. "The original CORAM has turned up. We must turn
+him down again. I will burn him in his bed to-night."
+
+_Comic Villain_. "Burn him; but don't attempt any violence." (_Swears
+and smashes in his hat_.)
+
+_Scene_ 4. _Enter Original Coram_. "I am WALTER COHAM; but I
+can't prove it--I forget precisely why. What is this in my coffee? Opium!
+It is, by SIVA, VISHNU, and others! They would fain drug my drink. Ha! Ha!
+I have drank, eaten, smoked, chewed, and snuffed opium for ninety years. I
+like it. So did my parents. I am, so to speak, the child of poppy. Ha! What
+do I see? Flames twenty feet high all around me! Can this be fire? The
+wretches mean to burn me alive! (_Aside_--And they'll do it too, some
+night, if Moss don't keep a sharp look-out after those lazy carpenters.)"
+
+_Enter Miss Effie German_. (_Aside_.) "I must get on the roof and
+drag CORAM out. I hate to do it; for I shall have to show my ankles in
+these horrid trowsers. But I suppose I must." (_Gets on the roof with
+Comic Villain's Daughter, shows ankles, lifts up roof and saves Coram, amid
+whirlwinds of applause and smoke.--Curtain_)
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_Young Lady before-named_. "Isn't EFFIE GERMON _too_ lovely?"
+
+_Bostonian Youth_. "Yes. RISTORI is, however -----"
+
+_Heavy old Party_. "This fire business is dangerous, sir. Never saw it
+done at the old Park. EDMUND KEAN would -----"
+
+ACT V. _Enter Original Coram_. "I am WALTER CORAM. I can now prove it
+by simply mentioning the fact. I love the daughter of the Comic Villain,
+and will marry her."
+
+_Unprincipled Clerk_. "All is lost except WALTER CORAM, who ought to
+be. I will go to Australia, at once." (_He goes_.)
+
+_Comic Villain_, (_smashes his hat over his eyes and swears_).
+
+_Virtuous Banker_. "Bless you, my children. I forgive you all the
+injuries I have done you." (_Curtain_.)
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_Every body in the audience_. "How do you like--Real fire; STODDAHT'S
+faces are--Real fire; EFFIE GERMON is--Real fire; Come and take--Real fire;
+JIM WALLACK is always at home in--Real fire; There is nothing in the play
+but--Real fire."
+
+_Misanthropic Critic, to gentlemanly Treasurer_. "Can I have two seats
+for to-morrow night?"
+
+_Treasurer_. "All sold, sir. Play draws better than _Ours_!"
+
+_Misanthropic Critic_. Well! no matter. I only wanted to send my
+mother-in-law, knowing that the house must take fire some night. However,
+I'll read the play to her instead; if she survives that, she isn't mortal.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_Suggestion kindly made to Manager Moss_.--Have the fire scene take
+place in the first act, and let all the _dramatis personae_ perish in
+the flames. Thus shall the audience be spared the vulgar profanity of
+STODDART'S "Comic Villain," the absurdity of WALLACK'S "Coram," the twaddle
+of HIELD'S "Virtuous Banker," and the impossible imbecility of FISHER'S
+"Unprincipled Clerk." Miss GERMON in trowsers, and Miss HENRIQUES in tears,
+are very nice; but they do not quite redeem the wretchedness of the play.
+The sooner Mr. Moss gives up his present flame and returns to his early
+love--legitimate comedy--the better.
+
+MATADOR.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+HOW TO BEHAVE AT A THEATRE.
+
+
+MR. PUNCHINELLO: I take it you are willing to receive useful information.
+Of course you are--Why? Because, while you may be humorous, you intend also
+to be sensible. I have in my day been to the theatre not a little. I have
+seen many plays and many audiences. I know--or, at least, think I do--what
+is good acting, and--what good manners. Suffer me, then, briefly to give
+you a few hints as to how an audience should behave. I shall charge nothing
+for the information, though I am frank to insinuate that it is worth a
+deal--of the value, perhaps, of a great deal table.
+
+First. Always take a lady with you to the play. It will please her,
+whatever the bother to you. Besides, you will then be talked to. If you
+make a mess of it in trying to unravel the plot, she will essentially aid
+you in that direction. Nothing like a woman for a plot--especially if you
+desire to plunge head foremost into one.
+
+Second. If you have any loud conversation to indulge in, do it while the
+play is going on. Possibly it may disturb your neighbors; but you do not
+ask them to hear it. Hail Columbia! isn't this a free country? If you have
+any private and confidential affairs to talk over, the theatre is the place
+in which to do it. Possibly strangers may not comprehend all the bearings;
+but that is not your fault. You do your best--who can do better?
+
+Third. If you have an overcoat or any other garment, throw it across the
+adjoining or front seat. Never mind any protests of frown or word. Should
+not people be willing to accommodate? Of course they should. Prove it by
+putting your dripping umbrella against the lady with the nice moire antique
+silk. It may ruffle her temper; but that's her business, not yours; she
+shouldn't be ridiculous because well dressed.
+
+Fourth. Try and drop your opera-glass half a dozen times of an evening. If
+it makes a great racket--as of course it will--and rolls a score of seats
+off, hasten at once to obtain possession of the frisky instrument. Let
+these little episodes be done at a crisis in the play where the finest
+points are being evolved.
+
+Fifth. Of course you carry a cane--a very ponderous cane. What for? To use
+it, obviously. Contrive to do so when every body is silent. What's the use
+in being demonstrative in a crowd? It don't pay. Besides, you dog, you know
+your _forte_ is in being odd. Odd fellow-you. See it in your
+brain--only half of one. Make a point to bring down your cane when there is
+none, (point, not cane,) and shout out "Good!" or "Bravo!" when you have
+reason to believe other people are going to be quiet.
+
+Sixth. Never go in till after a play begins, and invariably leave in the
+middle of an act, and in the most engaging scene.
+
+These are but a few hints. However, I trust they are good as far as they
+go. I may send you a half-dozen more. In the mean time I remain
+
+Yours, truly,
+
+O. FOGY.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+PROSPECTUS,
+
+
+It shall be our highest ambition to realize our own wishes and to fulfil
+our own predictions.
+
+Our principles are moral to--the last degree.
+
+Our politics defy competition; and it shall be our constant endeavor to
+make them more so.
+
+Our literary and scientific articles are our own, and consequently above
+criticism.
+
+OUR ILLUSTRATIONS
+
+Will include drawings on wood by our most
+
+PROMISING YOUNG ARTISTS.
+
+Besides the usual agricultural, shipping, and market reports, we shall
+publish
+
+THE BEST BON MOTS OF THE PULPIT.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Soon to appear in our columns,
+
+A SERIAL, ENTITLED, "IMPRESSIONS OF MODERN TRAVEL."
+
+Also,
+
+ILLUSTRATIONS OF ART-ANATOMY;
+
+Exclusively for beginners.
+
+Together with
+
+"RESEARCHES IN THE POCKETS OF OUR SUBSCRIBERS;"
+
+With appropriate-(ing) views.
+
+[Illustration: (_Faithful Preceptress_) "Now you know where the
+gluteal muscle is?"]
+
+
+In order to insure the widest possible influence, and consequently
+usefulness, we are prepared to offer the most
+
+LIBERAL TERMS.
+
+Any one sending us full subscription price, and ten dollars additional,
+will be entitled to
+
+ONE OF OUR AUTOGRAPH ESSAYS.
+
+Any one sending us the names of thirty new subscribers will receive by
+mail, post-paid,
+
+OUR PHOTOGRAPH;
+
+Or, if preferred, Luther's wedding-ring and mug; or, our own wedding-ring,
+with the mugs of our wife and children.
+
+For _Club Rates_, refer to a Justice of the Peace.
+_Answer to Correspondents_: Sketch not available.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+V. H. to Punchinello.
+
+The following letter, received by the French cable, explains itself. After
+the perusal of it, America warms toward France:
+
+HAUTEVILLE PARK, March 25,1870.
+
+To THE EDITOR OF THE PUNCHINELLO:
+
+MONSIEUR: The advance copy of your journal has stormed my heart. I owe it
+one happy day.
+
+Europe trembles. They light their torches sinister, those trans-alpine
+vacillationists. The church, already less tranquil, dis-segregates itself.
+We laugh.
+
+To your journal there is a future, and there will be a past.
+
+The age has its pulsations, and it never forgets.
+
+I, too, remember.
+
+There is also blood. Upon it already glitters the dust of glory.
+
+Monsieur! I salute you and your _confreres_!
+
+Accept my homage and my emotion.
+
+VICTOR HUGO.
+
+
+
+
+THE HABITS OF GREAT MEN.
+
+
+  "Lives of great men all remind us
+  We can make our lives sublime,
+  And, departing, leave behind us
+  Footprints on the sands of time."
+
+
+Almost since the world began, people have been interested in and
+entertained by gossip respecting the personal habits and individual
+idiosyncrasies of popular writers and orators. It is a universal and
+undying characteristic of human nature. No age has been exempt from it from
+PLINY'S time down to BEECHER'S. It may suitably be called the scarlet-fever
+of curiosity, and rash indeed must be the writer who refuses or neglects to
+furnish any food for the scandal-monger's maw. While we deprecate in the
+strongest terms the custom which persists in lifting the veil of
+personality from the forehead of the great, respect for traditional usages
+and obligation to the present, as well as veneration for the future, impels
+us to reveal some things that are not generally known concerning the men
+who are playing "leading business" on the world's great stage of to-day.
+
+For instance, mankind is generally ignorant of the fact that Mr. SUMNER
+bathes twice a day in a compound, two thirds of which is water and one
+third milk, and that he dictates most of his speeches to a stenographer
+while reclining in the bath-tub. WENDELL PHILLIPS is said to have written
+the greater portion of his famous lecture on "The Lost Arts" on the backs
+of old envelopes while waiting for a train in the Boston depot. Mr. GEORGE
+W. CURTIS prepares his mind for writing by sleeping with his head encased
+in a nightcap lined with leaves of lavender and rose. GRANT, it is said,
+accomplishes most of his writing while under the influence of either opium
+or chloroform, which will account for the soothing character of his state
+papers. WALT WHITMAN writes most of his poetry in the dissecting-room of
+the Medical College, where he has a desk fitted up in close proximity to
+the operating table. Mr. DANA is said to write most of his editorials in
+one of the parlors of the Manhattan Club, arrayed in black broadcloth from
+the sole of his head to the crown of his foot, his hands encased in corn-
+colored kids, a piece of chewing-gum in his mouth, and a bottle of Cherry
+Pectoral by his side. The report that he eats fish every morning for his
+breakfast is untrue: he rejects FISH. COLFAX writes all his speeches and
+lectures with his feet in hot water, and his head wrapped in a moist towel.
+His greatest vice, next to being Vice-President, is to insist upon having
+his writing desk in front of a mirror. BUTLER accomplishes most of his
+literary labor over a dish of soup, which he absorbs through the medium of
+two of his favorite weapons, thus keeping both his hands employed, and
+dictating to an amanuensis every time his mouth enjoys a vacation. BEECHER
+has several methods by which he prepares his mind to write a sermon: By
+riding up and down Broadway on the top of a stage; visiting the Academy of
+Anatomy, or spending a few hours at the Bloomingdale Retreat. Neither
+HOLMES nor WHITTIER are able to write a line of poetry until they are
+brought in contact with the blood of freshly-slain animals; while, on the
+other hand, LONGFELLOW'S only dissipation previous to poetic effort, is a
+dish of baked beans. FORNEY vexes his gigantic intellect with iced water
+and tobacco, (of the latter, "two papers, both daily.") Mr. TILTON composes
+as he reposes in his night-dress, with his hair powdered and "a strawberry
+mark upon his left arm." Mr. PARTON writes with his toes, his hands being
+employed meanwhile knitting hoods for the destitute children of Alaska. Mr.
+P. is a philanthropist. BAYARD TAYLOR writes only in his sleep or while in
+a trance state--notwithstanding the fact that he lives in the State of
+Pennsylvania. He will then dictate enough to require the services of three
+or four stenographers, and in the morning is ready to attend to the
+laborious and exacting duties attached to the position of stockholder in
+the New-York _Tribune_. Mr. GREELEY conceives some of his most
+brilliant editorial articles while churning the mercurial milk of the
+Chappaqua farm into butter; or vexing the gracious grain with the flying
+flail; or listening to the pensive murmurings of the plaintive pigs, and
+the whispered cadences of the kindly cattle. RICHARD GRANT WHITE can't
+write, it is said, until a towel moistened with Cologne water is applied to
+his nostrils. Sometimes, however, he varies the monotony of this method by
+riding several miles in a Third Avenue car, which produces a similar
+effect. OAKEY HALL writes his best things while riding on horseback in
+Central Park; his saddle being arranged with a writing-desk accompaniment;
+and while OAKEY dashes off the sentences, his horse furnishes the Stops.
+And just here we propose to stop furnishing further revelations concerning
+the men whose deeds have made their names famous in current national and
+local history.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: GOSSIP IN A SCHOOL-HOUSE.
+
+_Teacher_. "WELL, MINNIE, HAVE YOU ANY THING NEW AT HOME?"
+
+_Interesting Scholar_. "OH! YES; WE'VE SMALL-POX, AND 'LAPSING FEVER,
+AN MEASLES, AND WHOOPING-COUGH."
+
+(_Tableau expressive of consternation_.)]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+Taking the Cue.
+
+
+There is a strong disposition among those of our diplomats who may be able
+to talk a little "pigeon English," to obtain the Chinese position left
+vacant by Mr. BURLINGAME. Most of these gentlemen can point the Moral of
+the matter--the sixty thousand dollars a year--but whether any of them
+would adorn the Tail, is quite another affair.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Questions for H.G.
+
+
+Is not the _Tribune_ influenced by its negrophilism in denouncing
+PIERRE BONAPARTE as an assassin? Had the victim been a BLANC instead of a
+NOIR, would Mr. GREELEY have felt quite as much sympathy for him?
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+APROPOS OF THE "ONEIDA."--The windiest excuses of the day are those of
+EYRE.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+
+ARRAH WHAT DOES HE MANE AT ALL?
+
+
+_Scene. The White House_.
+
+ULYSSES ASLEEP. CUBA, ROONEY, AND FISH OUTSIDE ON THE LOBBY.
+
+ROONEY _Loquitur_.
+
+  ULYSSES asthore! Good lord, don't he snore!
+    ULYSSES! ULYSSES, my boy!
+  There's company here, must see you, me dear,
+    In spite of this Spanish kill-joy.
+  This Minister FISH, who, had he his wish,
+    Wud put your ould ROONEY down-stairs.
+  Ay, faith if he dar, but betther by far
+    The sinner was sayin' his pray'rs.
+      Arrah what does he mane at all?
+
+  Now, ULICK S. GRANT, it's your own self I want,
+    To patiently listen, mavrone,
+  To what I've to say, in a fatherly way,
+    As if you wor child ov my own.
+  For shure is it time, in prose or in rhyme,
+    That somebody spoke up, who dar'.
+  ULYSSES awake! for Liberty's sake,
+    It's braykin our hearts you are.
+      Arrah what do you mane at all?
+
+  Och, wirrasthrue vo! it's bitther to know
+    The work that goes an in your name;
+  The murdher an' ruin, that others are doin'
+    Whilst you have to showlder the shame!
+  The grief that is ours, whin you, by the Pow'rs,
+    Seem traytin it all like a joke,
+  Like NAYRO, the thief, whin Room was in grief,
+    That fiddled away in the smoke!
+      Arrah what do you mane at all?
+
+  Och, wake up, ochone! Your innimies groan
+    The words that cut deep as a sword:
+  "He's greedy for goold, an by its slaves rooled
+    ULYSSES is false to his word.
+  See poor Cuba there, all tatthered and bare;
+    For months at his doore she has stud;
+  Not a word he replies to her sobs or her sighs,
+    Nor cares for her tears or her blood!
+      Arrah what does he mane at all?"
+
+  Musha, what's that you say? "Sind the ould fool away."
+    I'm disturbin' your rest wid my prate;
+  There's Minister FISH, to consult if I wish,
+    Who attinds to all matthers of state.
+  An' Cuba, she too, wid her hulabaloo,
+    May just as well bundle an' go;
+  You won't hear us now, wid our murtherin row,
+    You'll sleep it out whether or no!
+      Arrah what do we mane at all?
+
+  Ah! then, by my sowl, this thratemint is foul--
+    To put your best frinds to the blush;
+  An' wor you sinsare, in what you sed there
+    We'd tie up your whistle, my thrush!
+  But ULICK, machree, you can't desave me,
+    By sayin' the word you don't mane;
+  Or make her beleeve who stands at me sleeve,
+    In FISH an' his Castles in Spane.
+      Arrah what do you mane at all?
+
+  'Tis late in the day to talk in that way;
+    We've had ministhers dishes galore,
+  An' laste to my taste, at the blundherin faste,
+    The sauce ov that fish one, asthore.
+  No, ULICK, alan! the work that's in han'
+    Must be done by yourself, if at all.
+  Your cooks, by my troth, are burnin' the broth,
+    We smell it out here in the hall!
+      Arrah what do you mane at all?
+
+  No, ULICK, my boy, rise up to our joy,
+    An' make a clane sweep ov the crowd
+  Of tinkerin tools, an' blundherin fools,
+    That put your wits undher a cloud.
+  Rise up in your might, an' sthrike for the right!
+    Let England an' Spain hear us talk;
+  Give FISH his conjay, an' ROONEY will stay;
+    You'll then see who's cock ov the walk!
+      Arrah what do you mane at all?
+
+  Lave Britain alone; if she won't pay, mavrone,
+    She's puttin' her head into debt.
+  If I know the books, the way the thing looks,
+    She'll pay us, wid intherest, yet!
+  Ay, faith he did say, so wise in his day--
+    That noble ould Graycian, PHILANDER--
+  That sauce for the goose, if well kept for use,
+    Was just as good sauce for the gandher!
+      Arrah what did he mane at all?
+
+  But Spain, the ould wulf, for her tricks in the Gulf,
+    Her robbery, murdher, and worse,
+  _Her_ debt, she must see, is put down C.O.D.,
+    Wid Cuba relaysed from her curse.
+  Ay, FISH, you may sweat, an' SUMNER may threat,
+    An' burst his crack'd head in the row;
+  The People have spoke, that's fire an' not smoke!
+    An' this must be finished, an' now.
+      Arrah what do you mane at all?
+
+  Och! ULICK, awake, for Liberty's sake!
+    If not for your ROONEY, asthore;
+  The Godiss is here, but thrimbles wid fear
+    Ov the cowld-blooded Thing at the doore.
+  She sez that your name a by-word of shame
+    Will be to the nations onborn,
+  If you lie there anmov'd whilst the flag that you lov'd
+    Is flouted by Spaniards wid scorn.
+      Arrah what do you mane at all?
+
+  She sez, an' wid grief, her love for the chief,
+    That fought neath her bannir so long,
+  Will turn into hate, that will cling to the fate
+    Ov him who now sides wid the wrong.
+  She sez ov all woes that misery knows,
+    The grief ov the wronger's the worst
+  Who houlds back his ban' from a sufferin' lan'
+    An' laves her to tyrants accurs'd!
+      Arrah what do you mane at all?
+
+  Ah! _that_ stirs your blood; I thought that it wud.
+    Your rizin', me bouchal; it's done!
+  Go on wid your pray'rs! I'm kickin' down-stairs
+    This ould Spanish mack'rel, for fun.
+  Sweet Liberty here, and Cuba, my dear!
+    You'll stay for the bite an' the sup?
+  An' pardon my joy; since I've woke up the boy
+    I don't know what ind ov me's up!
+      Arrah what did he mane at all?
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+
+Travellers' Tales.
+
+
+No one now believes that DR. LIVINGSTONE was burnt for sorcery. The
+originator of the report could have made a more plausible story by
+asserting that LIVINGSTONE refused to marry the daughter of an African
+chief, and was consequently put to death. This would have been strictly in
+accordance with the customs of the African aristocracy, and would also have
+called forth general admiration for the man who preferred to burn rather
+than to marry.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+
+City Hamlets vs. Rural Ditto.
+
+
+The leading cities of late have grown almost wild with excitement over
+their HAMLETS; but in country localities, the hamlets are marked for
+quietude, and a refreshing freedom from all that is stagey, except,
+perhaps, stage-coaches.
+
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE NEW-YORK ANTI-ORANGE-PEEL AND BANANA-SKIN ASSOCIATION,
+AS THEY APPEAR IN THEIR GREAT HUMANITARIAN FEAT OF CLEARING THE
+SIDE-WALKS.]
+
+
+ORANGE-PEEL, ET. CETERA.
+
+
+PUNCHINELLO, ever ready to hail with acclamation all that is for the
+welfare of his fellow-men, is delighted to learn that an
+"Anti-Orange-peel-and-Banana-skin Association" has been organized in the
+city of New-York. The great number of severe accidents annually caused by
+the idiotic custom of casting orange-peel and such other lubricious
+integuments recklessly about the side-walks, has long furnished a topic for
+public animadversion. Some of our leading citizens have taken the matter in
+hand--or, to speak more correctly, on foot. The picture at the top of this
+page gives a life-like representation of the Association referred to,
+engaged in their benevolent work of removing from the side-walk with their
+Boots all such fragments as might tend to the development of Slippers. The
+Association has PUNCHINELLO'S best wishes. The Orange-Outangs who render
+the side-walks dangerous have his worst.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+HAMLET FROM A RURAL POINT.
+
+The Great FECHTER as HAMLET has given us another proof of the brilliant
+imagination of Mr. DICKENS. The play is so well known that a synopsis of it
+is unnecessary. Yet a few words on the subject.
+
+An economical mother in high society permits baked meats left from a
+funeral festival to be served at a subsequent entertainment. Her son takes
+umbrage at this; becomes morose and sullen; affects spiritualism and
+private theatricals. This leads to serious family difficulties, culminating
+in a domestic broil of unusual violence. The intellectual aim of the piece
+is to show the extraordinary loquacity of a Danish Prince. The moral
+inculcated by it is, "Spare the rod and spoil the child." It is replete
+with quotations from the best authors, and contains many passages of marked
+ability. Its literary merit is unquestionable, though it lacks the vivacity
+of BOUCICAULT, and possesses no situation of such intense interest as the
+scene in ROSINA MEADOWS where the heroine starts for Boston.
+
+Mr. FECHTER presents HAMLET as a perfect "flaxy;" partly in deference to
+the present popularity of the tint, and partly to show a marked contrast
+with his OTHELLO, which character he always makes up as a male brunette.
+His countenance is of great breadth and flexibility, ranging in its full
+compass from the Placid Babe to the Outraged Congressman. His voice extends
+from B flat _profundo_ to the _ut de poitrine piccolo_. The
+emotional nature of HAMLET gives him opportunity to exhibit both of these
+wonderful organs, and in _tutta forza_ passages, where he forces them
+to their utmost power, the effect is exhilarating.
+
+Mr. FECHTER is polished. He does not hesitate to correct the sometimes rude
+and occasionally offensive remarks of HAMLET. Mr. FECHTER is refined. He
+permits "no maggots in a dead dog." He substitutes "trichinae in
+prospective pork." Fashionable patrons will appreciate this. They cherish
+poodles, particularly post-mortem; they disdain swine. Mr. FECHTER is
+polite. He excludes "the insolence of office," and "the cutpurse of the
+empire and the rule." Collector BAILEY'S "fetch" sits in front. Mr. FECHTER
+is fastidious. He omits the prefatory remarks to "assume a virtue," but
+urges his mother to seek relief in Chicago. Considering her frivolous
+conduct and the acrid colloquy consequent upon the comparison of
+photographs, this is filial as well as affectionate.
+
+Minor actors must, of course, be precluded from liberties with the text;
+but presuming the alterations in question to be the result of a
+consultation with Mr. DICKENS, we must rejoice that SHAKESPEARE is being
+toned to good society. We commend the improved readings to the delicate
+susceptibilities of the community.
+
+Mr. FECHTER is a great genius. Distinguished talent is occasionally needed
+to elevate the national taste. How we have outraged theatrical proprieties
+by applauding WALLACK and BOOTH and DAVENPORT! FORREST, forget us. FECHTER,
+forgive us.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Epitaph on a Defunct Boarding-House.
+
+Peace to its Hashes!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Apropos of Small-salaried Husbands, who have Extravagant Wives.
+
+"A little earning is a dangerous thing."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The Mormon's Motto
+
+Bring 'em Young.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+[Illustration: OUR EFFICIENT NAVY DEPARTMENT.
+
+_Admiral Porter_. The Queen has taken your Jack. You never
+_could_ protect your Jack, Mr. Secretary.
+
+(And they go on with their little game, never heeding the signal of
+distress from the Oneida.)]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[blank page]
+
+
+JUMBLES.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Truth to tell, I _don't_ like neighbors. I _do_ like
+civilization. The trouble is, neighbors are not always civilized.
+PUNCHINELLO will be impressed with the fact before becoming a single
+weekling. The first floor may be ever so nice, quiet, well-dressed, proper
+folks--but those dreadful musical people in the attic! I hate musical
+people; that is, when in the chrysalis state of learning. Practice makes
+perfect, indeed; but practice also makes a great deal of noise. Noise is
+another of my constitutional dislikes. If these matters must be divided,
+give me the melody, and whoever else will, may take the noise. The truth
+is, my dear PUNCHINELLO--and I may as well begin calling you what the
+public will do one of these early days--there is nothing like notes. But
+bank-notes are my weakness. My weakness in that direction is, I may
+confidently state, very strong. The ladies are not the only greenbacks that
+are accepted at sight; and acceptable to it. The bank on which I should
+like to dwell--do you not guess it?--is the auriferous National. Those
+musical neighbors-how they do play, though! But, to borrow from Mr. SLANG,
+my queer neighbor opposite, they have about played out. Our gentlemanly
+landlord--all landlords are so very gentlemanly, kind, good, and
+considerate--Mr. GRABB, says it don't pay to keep such tenants.
+
+"Mr. GRABB, pay--pray, why don't it pay?"
+
+"Why, Mr. TODD, why, sir--because _they_ don't pay. D'ye see it, Mr.
+TODD?"
+
+Mr. TODD did see it.
+
+"Music hath charms," and all that fine thing; but it can't evidently charm
+a landlord, as at present constructed, into the faith that the notes of a
+fiddle, a clarionet, a bugle, or a trombone are negotiable at the corner
+grocery, or in Wall and State streets.
+
+Going from bars to banks is a distance. But when I go anywhere, I like to
+have it distant. The enjoyment is invariably greater. It saves my tailors,
+hatters, restaurant keepers, and some others, the expense and trouble of
+too much correspondence. Such isn't good for the brain--especially where it
+is small, and easily overtaxed. "Distance lends enchantment to the view."
+May I ask, is or was distance in the brokerage line that it lent
+enchantment to the view? and what might possibly have been the conditions
+on which the loan was made? The man who leaves his country for its (and
+his) good has an especial fondness for the distant. The further off the
+nearer he feels like home. Australia is an El Dorado--the antipodes a
+celestial region. The intervening sea is one over which the most
+penetrating of argus-eyed policemen or sheriffs, can not see. Australia--is
+it not the land of gold? Who that has poached a pile does not gravitate
+there, as the needle to the pole? Of course, I do not mean the
+sewing-machine needle.
+
+Some people think California greater. I don't. The greatness of a country
+does not in all cases turn on its great rogues. New-York and Washington may
+not assent; but, Mr. PUNCHINELLO, isn't it so? These may give it character,
+but of the sort nobody is anxious to carry in his pocket as a wedge by
+which to enter good, genteel society. "Character," says a leading mind, "is
+every thing." Quite true; and if of the right sort, will take a man
+speedily to the noose. Biddy can get the most stunning of characters at the
+first corner for half a week's wages or--stealings. As a general thing, I
+don't believe in characters, and for the reason that a large portion of my
+acquaintances--I go into society a great deal--do not appear to have a bit
+of the article. They say it is unnecessary; that "society" don't demand it;
+and that to have it is like travelling with baggage which is mere rubbish.
+My elastic but excellent friend JENKINS says the only sense that can be put
+on society market to practical advantage is the uncommon scamp. Common
+sense, so-called, is a drug. Old Mr. MATTEROFACT--who heeds him or his?
+He's always pushed into the corner, or crowded to the back seat. Sensible
+people, the world being judges, are a mistake. They were born and educated
+that way. They don't definitely belong anywhere. Trespassers, interlopers,
+impertinents-why should they be tolerated? Doesn't CONGRESSMAN SURFACE, of
+the Forty-fourth District, rule the roast? Isn't Mrs. SIMPLE the pattern
+Woman of the Swell-Front avenue? Who so charming as Widow MILKWATER? Common
+sense might have done once, but that was when the world was younger and yet
+more old-fashioned. It isn't available now. Rust never shines. Out upon it,
+or let it get out. The best place, I would suggest, is out of town--and in
+the woods. Strangers always make people feel uncomfortable.
+
+Need I hint just now that it is Lent? Lent is suggestive. It suggests some
+of my best books. Books are the best of friends. They are honest. They say
+what they feel, and feel what they say. Like other blessings, too, they
+often take to wings and fly; and it proves to be a fly that never returns.
+A good book is a joy forever. The only sad thing about it is, that it keeps
+lent all the time--not so much piously as profanely. Am I my brother's
+keeper? No. But my brother is quite too often a keeper of mine--of mine own
+choice authors. The best of friends are, of course--like the best of
+steaks--rather rare. Like honest men they count only one in ten
+thousand--an extremely small per cent in a commercial point of view.
+Books--what should we do without them? What may we not do with them, if it
+were not for the season of Lent?
+
+I am something of a politician. My friends do not think I am. But they are
+prejudiced--friends always are. I go, on principle, for the greatest good
+of the greatest number. You know that humble, initial figure. I confess to
+a love of loaves and fishes. A nice French loaf, and a delicious salmon in
+the suburbs of green peas--who wouldn't be a politician about that time? I
+have run for office--and at least half a dozen times. But, bless you, I
+never caught it. Some big, burly, brainless cur of a fellow was always
+ahead of me. Very queer in politics--the less the head the more one gets
+ahead. A head is little or nothing; but face, cheek, assurance--such is
+much; is every thing. What are politics but audacity? what professions of
+public good but pretences for private pap? I like politics. Politics,
+however, don't seem to like me. I call myself a patriot; but, strangely
+enough, or otherwise, I have never been called to fill a patriot's
+office--say for $5000 and upward per year. As for a patriot's grave--it's a
+fine thing, no doubt, but I have never regarded it as my "mission" to fill
+that. It affects one's activity and usefulness, and cuts off going to
+FECHTER BOOTH, _Frou-Frou_, the _Twelve Temptations_, and opera.
+I declined all such honors during the war, and on principle; the principal
+thing being that I had no taste for lead and iron. Iron, I know, is good
+for the blood; but taken in bullets, it lessens instead of increases the
+circulation. These metals are quite too much for a delicate stomach. Shells
+as a drink I like; shells as bombs I do _not_ like. They are
+unhealthy. As a beverage I can surround it several times a day, and bless
+the climate that grows it, and the cask that makes it. But of shells, as of
+company, I prefer to make my choice. I, too, have my choice of office. I am
+strong and can draw well. My _forte_ is drawing salary. That may not
+be the highest form of art, but it is unquestionably artful. Moreover, it
+is the one mankind, if it could, would cultivate with the most assiduity.
+It is the plaster every man would put to his back.
+
+As a politician I believe in myself first, my pocket second, my country
+third. This platform is strong and satisfactory--at least to your friend,
+
+TIMOTHY TODD.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+ALBANY COCK-ROBINS.
+
+  Who killed the Charter?
+    I, says the _Herald_,
+    With wit _a la_ JERROLD.
+    As Assemblymen I ferruled,
+      And I killed the Charter.
+
+  Who killed the Charter?
+    I, says the _World_,
+    With my blunders hurled
+    And black flag unfurled,
+      And I killed the Charter.
+
+  Who killed the Charter?
+    I, says the _Sun_,
+    With my sensation fun,
+    Or my Sol-ferino gun,
+      And I killed the Charter.
+
+  Who killed the Charter?
+    I, says PUNCHINELLO,
+    With my wit so mellow,
+    I was the very fellow
+      Who killed off the Charter.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+THE DWARF DEJECTED.
+
+
+A pathetic recital for the benefit of you, or me, or any other snail who
+may want a tortoise-shell.
+
+In what year, or under what king Bezoman, lived he, no matter. Suffice it
+to know he still survives.
+
+Once he was happy!
+
+Once, whene'er the eventide flooded the earth with effulgent glory, and
+each little star began to wonder who I was, to the loftiest turret of his
+quite commodious castle this dwarf would climb, and muse upon sciology and
+the cosmic forces.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"Oh! Life is joy--is peace to me!" would he cry, ever and anon.
+
+And ever an anonymous owl would scream, "To whoo? To whoo?"
+
+Upon one eventful eve he sat upon his turret.
+
+Gazing around, he sprang upon his feet.
+
+"What, ho!" he cried, as a glimmer of light shot across the surface of the
+lake, "What, ho! A light in the ship-house! Tis the red light of danger! I
+forbode."
+
+Glancing around and beneath him, he perceived that the stucco was peeling
+from his favorite turret. "Here is danger, indeed!" he said; and loudly
+shouted for his ah! too dilatory servant to bring the ladder by which he
+ascended and descended his lofty pinnacle. At last the servant came, and he
+was a new and somewhat weighty waiter youth.
+
+"Ah! big lad--!" then said the dwarf.
+
+"I am glad, good sir," replied the boy.
+
+"I would have the big ladder!" cried his master.
+
+"I can't be gladder," said the boy.
+
+The dwarf looked pityingly down upon the youth for several moments.
+
+"Are you a natural-born fool?" said he.
+
+The boy advanced to the edge of the roof, made a bow, placed one arm at
+right angles before him, while the other hung by his side, and thus he sang
+his song:
+
+  "I've never been to public school,
+    My vaccination did not take.
+  Perhaps I will grow up a fool;
+    But that my heart will never break.
+
+  I would not win in learning's race,
+    Nor e'er be rich and lose my looks;
+  I think that a small-pocked face
+    Is worse than e'en small pocket-books.
+  Then, didy fol, la, la, la, la!--"
+
+"Stop!" cried the now enraged dwarf. "Begone! ere I, base boy! shall heave
+the turret down."
+
+"Certainly," replied the youth. "Big, ornary, base boy shall leave thee to
+rot down. Oh! yes; of course, of course!" And away he went.
+
+The Court fool came at last and let his master down.
+
+"Oh! ho!" said he of the motley, as the dwarf came slowly down the ladder.
+"Thou art now the first descendant of thy house."
+
+The dwarf laughed, and fell the rest of the way. "No matter!" he cried,
+rubbing his shins. "My house shall follow me. It shall come down too. I am
+going to have it all built up anew."
+
+"Bravo!" said the clown. "I thought you were too happy."
+
+On the next day the door-bell of the castle rang, and soon a varlet came to
+fast inform my lord the dwarf that in the parlor waited now a giant, and on
+the card he gave his name was written, "S.T. Mate." The dwarf unto his
+parlor quick repaired, and there, upon some dozen chairs the giant sat,
+smiling benign.
+
+"Hail to thee! good Sir Dwarf," spake the mammoth, and rising and folding
+his arms across his breast, he sang, in royal bass, his song:
+
+  "I hear that thou, O neighbor brave!
+    Thy edifice anew would build.
+  I come to much vain labor save.
+    If thou to hear me now art willed."
+
+"Proceed," said the dwarf, seating himself upon a piano-stool, and screwing
+himself up until he was near the ceiling and on a level with the singer's
+head. The giant proceeded:
+
+  "If thou shouldst build thy house thyself,
+    The cost thou surely ne'er would know;
+  But if I take the job, my friend.
+    You'll see where every cent will go."
+
+"I like that," said the dwarf. "Pray sing some more."
+
+  "I'll tell you just what it will cost;
+    And all that you will have to do
+  Will be to travel for a time,
+    Whilst I your castle build anew."
+
+"That's capital!" cried the delighted dwarf. "It would suit me exactly.
+Warble me yet other wood notes wild."
+
+The giant sang on:
+
+  "A castle such as you will want
+    Will cost you eighty pounds--or so.
+  I'll charge you nothing for my time;
+    You'll see where every cent will go."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+The dwarf revolved himself rapidly, and quickly reached the floor.
+
+"The concert's over!" he cried, "and here's a check for eighty pounds.
+Proceed! Tear down; construct! I leave tonight for foreign parts. Write me
+when all is done. Adieu."
+
+The interview terminated.
+
+The clown, who had overheard this fair discourse, now left the castle; and
+retiring to a secluded spot, where--a willow drooped sadly o'er the brook,
+he laid him down and died.
+
+The dwarf to foreign parts now hied, and when twelve months had passed, and
+he had had no news of his grand castle, he returned home.
+
+He found the castle finished--all but the roof and walls. The deep cellars,
+with their marble copings just peeping 'neath the heavy mass of weeds that
+clustered to their very edge, were dark and solemn. The sly fox slunk along
+their passages, and grim serpents reared their heads from many a gloomy
+corner.
+
+The dwarf, he gazed in silence!
+
+By heavy sighs his breast was heaven, and black thoughts made his soul like
+Hades!
+
+Anon he mounted in hot haste, and rode unto the giant's castle on the
+distant hills. By sundown, the dwarf he saw on the horizon a great blue
+mass, the sight of which did move his inmost being.
+
+"It is his castle!" quoth he, and he gave his steed free rein.
+
+The interview was terrible!
+
+All the domestics fled and hid themselves in distant dells.
+
+At last the dwarf, exhausted by vituperation, sank upon the flagstones of
+the court-yard. Then folded the giant his arms and sang his song:
+
+  "Oh! hear me now, misguided dwarf,
+    Eight thousand pound more I must ask.
+  Materials, and labor too,
+    All rose since I began my task.
+
+  Among the things we can't divine.
+    Are values of such terms as 'so;'
+  But I've all items entered straight,
+    Where all the money goes you'll know."
+
+The dwarf gave one quick savage glance at the pocket of the giant, S.T.
+MATE, and then, without a word, he proudly crossed the drawbridge.
+
+But he had not long left the castle at his back ere dejection crept upon
+him and never left him more.
+
+The dwarf he did his cellar reach, fainting, almost bereft of speech; and
+as his men he staggered by, with panting breast and haggard eye,
+
+"Minstrel!" he cried, "O laggard! I for deepest depths of Lethe long. Get
+thy guitar and sing a song!"
+
+The minstrel sang:
+
+  "O Estimate!
+  Thy name is great,
+MEDUSA's head thou sure must own.
+  Do as we will,
+  Thy coming still
+Turns all our hard-earned cash to stone."
+
+The dwarf, now sunk in Lethe's mud, did snore; knowing the sign, the
+minstrel then forbore.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+ODE TO THE MISSING COLLECTOR.
+
+BY REGALIA REYNA.
+
+
+  Where are _you now_, MR. BAILEY?
+  We've been looking for you daily,
+  Sometimes sadly, sometimes gayly,
+     Ever since the week begun.
+  Loving you so dear as we do,
+  Doting on you, doubting for you,
+  Looking for you, longing for you,
+  Waiting for you, watching for you,
+     Fearing you have cut and run,
+     Ere your heavy task was done
+     In cigars, and snuff, and rum;
+     Spoiling for us lots of fun,
+     And racy items for _The Sun_,
+     In the seizure rows begun,
+     And the heavy raids to come.
+     Think of poor, forsaken KIRBY,
+     Think of honest-scented HARVEY!
+     Your desertion, J. F. BAILEY,
+     "Busts" our glorious Trinity;
+     Robs the law of subtlety,
+     Knocks our look for _moietie_,
+     Knocks that Jersey property!
+     So much whisky all set free:
+     Where is SHIELDS to get his fee?
+  Think of melancholy PUFFER,
+  What the aged CHILDS must suffer!
+  JOSHUA F., the noble buffer,
+     "Lost to sight, to memory dear,"
+  Think of energetic VAIL
+  Looking round to get his bail,
+  While you're riding on a rail,
+  Or on ocean gayly sail
+     For UNCLE BULL'S dominion!
+  How could you thus fly the track
+  With so many stores to "crack,"
+  And COLUMBUS at your back
+  To defy the whiskey pack
+     And popular opinion?
+  Whiskey "fellers" feeling badly,
+  Cigar-sellers smoking madly,
+  Bondsmen looking sorely, sadly,
+     If their signatures are clear,
+     If you will not cost them dear,
+     If in court they must appear
+     Mournfully, in doubt and fear.
+     Oh! you weak, unfeeling cuss,
+     To get them in this shocking muss;
+     How their pocket-books will rue it!
+     J.F.B., how _could_ you do it?
+  Are you putting for the West,
+  Did you take French leave for Brest,
+  Have you feathered well your nest,
+  Do you sweetly take your rest;
+  Say, whom _do_ you like the best--
+     COOK, or JENKS, or FULLERTON?
+  Would you, JOSH, believe it true,
+  At the moment, sir, when you
+  Waited for that verdict blue,
+  O'er the wires the message flew,
+  Paid or franked by BOUTWELL through:
+  "The gig is up; the cuss won't do.
+  Put the district Thirty-two
+     Under General PLEASANTON."
+  Oh! the vile ingratitude;
+  Of Statesmen in this latitude;
+  Worse than DELANO'S attitude.
+  Say, what is your longitude,
+     East or West from Washington?
+
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"Fox"-y.
+
+FECHTER'S wig in HAMLET.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"Echoes of the Clubs."
+
+SOUND of the policemen's _batons_ on the sidewalk.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Over and Under.
+
+INDIANA is said to be "going over" her divorce laws. She has certainly gone
+long enough under them.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Our Bullet-in.
+
+THE government has so many bad guns on hand that it deserves to be called,
+"A snapper-up of unconsidered Rifles."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Every Little Helps.
+
+THE British newspapers say that ARTHUR HELPS writes the PRINCE OF WALES'S
+speeches. Now, if ARTHUR HELPS the Prince, who helps ARTHUR?
+
+
+
+
+CONDENSED CONGRESS.
+
+
+SENATE.
+
+
+By particular request, the Georgia bill came up. So did Senator SCHURZ. He
+approved of almost all propositions which tended to complicate questions,
+because the more complication the more offices, the more offices the more
+patronage, and the more patronage the more fees. He knew that it was an
+alluring precedent which was offered them in the action of the legislature
+of Georgia, retaining itself for double the term it was elected to serve.
+But it was the duty of Congress to resist temptation. He used the word duty
+advisedly. Gentlemen might sneer; but he could tell them that the public
+would not stand the infliction of such a Senate as that which he saw before
+him for a day longer than it was obliged to by law. By disregarding law, he
+wished to know whether the laws would not be greater than the profits. He
+admitted that this was a pun; but appealed to PUNCHINELLO upon the point of
+the propriety of puns. Reform, he would say, was a "plant" of slow growth.
+He had sown it; and his colleague, Mr. -----, had watered it; but it did
+not seem to thrive in Missouri.
+
+Mr. DRAKE, who has been studying elocution under a graduate of the Old
+Bowery, and has acquired a most tragic croak, which, with a little rouge
+and burnt cork, and haggard hair, gives him a truly awful aspect, remarked
+that the soil of the South was clotted with blood by fiends in human shape,
+(sensation in the diplomatic gallery.) The metaphor might be meaningless;
+but it struck him it was strong. These fiends were doubly protected by
+midnight and the mask. In his own State the Ku-Klux ranged together with
+the fierce whang-doodle. His own life had been threatened. (Faint
+applause.) He had received an express package marked in large letters,
+"D.H." The President of the United States, an expert in express packages,
+had told him this meant "Dead Head." Was this right? Hah! Bellud!! Gore was
+henceforth his little game. He would die in his seat. (Great cheering,
+which rendered the remainder of the senator's remarks inaudible.)
+
+The case of the admission of General AMES as a senator from Mississippi
+came up. Senator CONKLING said that he had no objection to AMES in
+particular; but in Brigadier-General, he considered the principle of
+letting in men who elected themselves to be bad. Notoriously, General AMES
+did not live in Mississippi. He considered this rather creditable to
+General AMES'S good sense than otherwise. But did it not operate as a
+trivial disqualification against his coming here to represent Mississippi?
+Besides, if generals were allowed to elect themselves, where would it end?
+General AUGUR, he believed, commanded the Indian district. He would send
+himself to the Senate from that region, and be howling about the Piegan
+massacre and such outrages upon his constituents, with which the Senate had
+been sickened already. In that case AUGUR, he grieved to say, would be a
+Bore. Then there is CANBY, who commands in Virginia. CANBY would like to be
+a senator, no doubt, like other people who never tried it; and he will be
+if he CANBY. A distinguished friend of his in the other house, whom it
+would be detrimental to the public service for him to name, if this
+military representation were to be recognized, instead of sitting for a
+district in Massachusetts, would represent Dutch Gap. They had already, in
+his friend from Missouri, a representative of the German Flats; and he
+submitted that a member from Dutch Gap would be two tonic for the body
+politic.
+
+Mr. HOWARD was in favor of the admission of AMES. He considered the
+arguments of the last speaker paltry, and his puns beneath contempt. What
+difference did it make whether AMES represented Mississippi or not?
+Mississippi was disloyal, and didn't deserve to have any representative.
+AMES was a good fellow, and a good officer. Besides, he had been through
+West-Point and knew something. He understood he played a very fair game of
+billiards, and he would be an ornament to the Senate. Let us let him in.
+The Senate had already let in REVELS, who had been sent by AMES; and it was
+absurd to keep out AMES, who was the master of the REVELS. He considered
+that, in the language of a manly sport with which senators were familiar,
+he "saw" Senator CONKLING'S puns, and went several better, though he did
+not wish to be considered a better himself.
+
+All this time, singular to say, Senator SUMNER remained silent.
+
+
+HOUSE.
+
+
+The House had a little amusement over polygamy in Utah. That institution
+shocks Mr. WARD, of New-York, and naturally also Mr. BUTLER, of
+Massachusetts. Mr. WARD was astonished to see any member standing up in
+defence of polygamy in the nineteenth century. If some member should stand
+up in any other century and defend it, it would not astonish him at all. It
+was sheer inhumanity to refuse to come to the rescue of our suffering
+brethren in Utah. How a man who had one wife could consent to see fellow-
+creatures writhing under the infliction of two or three each, was what, Mr.
+WARD remarked, got over him. Mr. BUTLER pointed out how much money the
+Mormons had made.
+
+Mr. Cox did not see why we should interfere by force to prevent a man's
+marrying as many wives as he chose. Such a man was his own worst enemy; and
+his crime carried its own punishment.
+
+Mr. HOOPER, of Utah, said the bill was an outrage. By all the wives that he
+held most sacred, he felt impelled to resent it. MOSES was a polygamist;
+hence his meekness. If this sort of thing was continued, no man's wives
+would be safe. His own partners would be torn from him, and turned out upon
+the world. He scorned to select from among them. Take all or none.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+THE MARRIAGE MARKET IN ROME.
+
+
+The business of catching impecunious counts, of magnetizing bankrupt
+marquises, and of plucking penniless princes, as practised by American
+women, appears to absorb all the attention in Rome at present. The rage for
+titles is said to be so great among some classes of Americans resident in
+the Holy City, that the only song one hears at evening parties and
+receptions is the one commencing,
+
+  "When I can read my title clear."
+
+We should not be surprised any day to hear that a marriage market had been
+opened on one of the plazas of Rome, the quotations of which would read
+something after this fashion: Husbands dull and declining; American
+beauties more active; foreign mammas less firm; American securities in
+great demand; the market in princes somewhat stronger; holders of titles
+much sought after; brains without money a drug in the market; "bogus"
+counts at a discount; the genealogy market panicky and falling; the stock
+of nobility rapidly depreciating; the pedigree exchange market flat and
+declining, etc., etc. This traffic in titles, this barter in dowries, this
+swapping of "blood" for dollars, is an offense too rank for words to embody
+it. The trade in cadetships is mild in comparison with it, because in these
+commercial transactions with counts, while one party may be the purchaser,
+both parties are inevitably seen to be sold. The business may only be
+excusable on the theory that "an even exchange is no robbery." But so long
+as brains are not bartered for a title, or beauty sacrificed for a
+pedigree, we should not complain. Of money, there is plenty in America;
+and, while marquises are in the market, let Shoddy continue to pipe for its
+own. A fig for Macbeth's philosophy that "blood will have blood." We modify
+it in these degenerate days to "blood will have money:"
+
+  "Maidens, like moths, are ever caught by glare;
+  And Mammon wins his way where Seraphs might despair."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+  "The Lay of the Last Minstrel."
+
+  "SHOO FLY, don't bodder me."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"Benedict's Time."
+
+THE honeymoon.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Homoeopathic Cure for Hydrophobia.
+
+BARK.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Ode to my Washerwoman.
+
+$2 50.
+
+
+
+
+A.T. STEWART & CO.
+
+ARE MAKING
+
+_GREAT REDUCTIONS,_
+
+In the Prices of the Goods
+
+IN ALL THE DEPARTMENTS
+
+OF THEIR
+
+Retail Establishment,
+
+NAMELY
+
+SILKS, SATINS, VELVETS,
+
+Dress Goods, Laces, Embroideries,
+
+REAL INDIA CAMEL'S HAIR SHAWLS,
+
+Ladies', Misses', and Children's
+
+Walking-Suits, Reception-Dresses,
+
+Morning-Robes, Undergarments,
+
+
+INFANT'S WARDROBES,
+
+
+Gentlemen's Furnishing Goods of every Description,
+
+
+HOUSEKEEPING AND HOUSE-FURNISHING GOODS,
+
+Linens, Sheetings, Damasks,
+
+Damask Table-Cloths, Napkins,
+
+Towels, Towelings,
+
+Blankets. Flannels,
+
+Quilts, Counterpanes, Carpets, Mats, Rugs,
+
+
+ENGLISH AND AMERICAN OIL-CLOTHS
+
+Upholstery Goods in Brocatelles,
+
+Silk Terrys, Plain Satins, Figured
+
+Cotelaines, Striped Reps,
+
+Furniture Chintzes,
+
+Etc., Etc., Etc.,
+
+AT EXTREMELY LOW PRICES.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+BROADWAY,
+
+Fourth Avenue, Ninth and Tenth Streets,
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The two great objects of a learner's ambition ought to be to speak a
+foreign language idiomatically, and to pronounce it correctly; and these
+are the objects which are most carefully provided for in the MASTERY
+SYSTEM.
+
+The Mastery of Languages;
+
+OR
+
+THE ART OF SPEAKING LANGUAGES
+
+IDIOMATICALLY.
+
+BY THOMAS PRENDERGAST.
+
+  _I. Hand-Book of The Mastery Series.
+
+ II. The Mastery Series. French.
+
+III. The Mastery Series. German.
+
+ IV. The Mastery Series. Spanish._
+
+PRICE 50 CENTS EACH.
+
+_From Professor E.M. Gallaudet, of the National Deaf Mute College._
+
+"The results which crowned the labor of the first week were so astonishing
+that he fears to detail them fully lest doubts should be raised as to his
+credibility. But this much he does not hesitate to claim, that, after a
+study of less than two weeks, he was able to sustain conversation in the
+newly-acquired language on a great variety of subjects."
+
+FROM THE ENGLISH PRESS.
+
+"The principle may be explained in a line--it is first learning the
+language, and then studying the grammar, and then learning (or trying to
+learn) the language."--_Morning Star_.
+
+"We know that there are some who have given Mr. Prendergast's plan a trial,
+and discovered that in a few weeks its results had surpassed all their
+expectations."--_Record_.
+
+"A week's patient trial of the French Manual has convinced that the method
+is sound."--_Papers for the Schoolmaster_.
+
+"The simplicity and naturalness of the system are obvious."--_Herald_
+(Birmingham.)
+
+"We know of no other plan which will infallibly lead to the result in a
+reasonable time."--_Norfolk News_.
+
+
+FROM THE AMERICAN PRESS.
+
+
+"The system is as near as can be to the one in which a child learns to
+talk."--_Troy Whig_.
+
+"We would advise all who are about to begin the study of languages to give
+it a trial."--_Rochester Democrat_.
+
+"For European travellers this volume is invaluable."--_Worcester Spy_.
+
+
+Either of the above volumes sent by mail free to any part of the United
+States on receipt of price.
+
+D. APPLETON & CO., Publishers,
+
+90, 92, and 94 Grand Street, New-York.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+RED AS A ROSE IS SHE.
+
+_Third Edition._
+
+D. APPLETON & CO.,
+
+90, 92, and 94 Grand Street,
+
+Have now ready the Third Edition of
+
+RED AS A ROSE IS SHE.
+
+By the Author of "Cometh up as a Flower."
+
+1 vol. 8vo. Paper Covers, 60 cents.
+
+From the New-York _Evening Express_.
+
+"This is truly a charming novel; for half its contents breathe the very
+odor of the flower it takes as its title."
+
+From the Philadelphia _Inquirer_.
+
+"The author can and does write well; the descriptions of scenery are
+particularly effective, always graphic, and never overstrained."
+
+D.A. & Co. have just published:
+
+A SEARCH FOR WINTER SUNBEAMS IN THE
+
+RIVIERA, CORSICA, ALGIERS, AND SPAIN.
+
+By Hon. S.S. Cox. Illustrated. Price, $3.
+
+REPTILES AND BIRDS: A POPULAR ACCOUNT OF THEIR VARIOUS ORDERS, WITH A
+DESCRIPTION OF THE HABITS AND ECONOMY OF THE MOST INTERESTING.
+
+by Louis Figuier. Illustrated with 907 wood-cuts. 1 vol. 8vo, $6.
+
+
+HEREDITARY GENIUS: AN INQUIRY INTO ITS LAWS AND CONSEQUENCES.
+
+By Francis Galton. 1 vol. 8vo. $3.50.
+
+
+HAND-BOOK OF THE MASTERY SERIES OP
+
+LEARNING LANGUAGES.
+
+  I. THE HAND-BOOK OF THE MASTERY SERIES.
+
+ II. THE MASTERY SERIES, FRENCH.
+
+III. THE MASTERY SERIES, GERMAN,
+
+ IV. THE MASTERY SERIES, SPANISH.
+
+Price, 50 cents each.
+
+
+Either of the above sent free by mail to any address on receipt of the
+price.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_An Absolutely Pure Article_.
+
+
+THE
+
+KNICKERBOCKER
+
+Gin Company's
+
+WORLD-RENOWNED
+
+Double Distilled
+
+B. & V.'s "ANCHOR" BRAND
+
+
+OF
+
+
+PURE
+
+
+HOLLAND GIN,
+
+
+FROM THEIR OWN DISTILLERY AT
+
+
+LEIDEN. NEAR SCHIEDAM, HOLLAND.
+
+
+This brand of liquor has obtained a great reputation, not only In Holland
+but throughout Europe where it has been tested
+
+
+IN THE MOST CELEBRATED
+
+
+Chemical Institutions.
+
+
+MILLIONS OF GALLONS
+
+Have been sent to all parts of the world, and principally to the
+
+EAST AND WEST INDIES, AUSTRALIA, AND
+
+AFRICA,
+
+Where it is used
+
+In Preference to any other Brand known.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Orders will be received at their office,
+
+No. 15 William Street,
+
+For the above, and also for their other importations of
+
+WINES,
+
+BRANDIES,
+
+CIGARS, Etc.,
+
+Which they guarantee as to
+
+PURITY AND GENUINENESS.
+
+KNICKERBOCKER GIN CO.,
+
+15 William Street,
+
+NEW-YORK.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: DAT'S WHAT'S DE MATTER. _Melodramatic Tonsor_. "Boss,
+WHAT'S DE MATTER? WHAT DE BITTER CAUSE OF DAT PENSIB LEMENCHOLY?"
+
+_Boss, (gloomily.)_ "AH! CAUSE 'NUFF. DE RIGHTS OB DE CULLID PUSSON IS
+FORGOT, AND DE SIXTEENTH 'MENDMENT AND SUFFERIN' WOMAN RULES DE ROOST!"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Harper's Periodicals.
+
+Magazine. Weekly. Bazar.
+
+_Subscription Price, $4 per year each. $10 for the three._
+
+An Extra Copy of either the MAGAZINE, WEEKLY, or BAZAR will be supplied
+gratis for every Club of Five Subscribers at $4 each, in one remittance;
+or, Six Copies for $20.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+HARPER'S CATALOGUE
+
+May be obtained gratuitously on application to Harper & Brothers
+personally, or by letter, inclosing six cents in postage-stamps.
+
+_HARPER & BROTHERS, New-York_.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+HENRY L. STEPHENS,
+
+
+ARTIST,
+
+
+No. 160 Fulton Street,
+
+
+NEW-YORK.
+
+
+Important to Newsdealers!
+
+
+ALL ORDERS FOR
+
+
+PUNCHINELLO
+
+
+Will be supplied by
+
+
+OUR SOLE ANB EXCLUSIVE AGENTS,
+
+
+American News Co.
+
+
+NEW-YORK.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+PUNCHINELLO:
+
+
+TERMS TO CLUBS.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+WE OFFER AS PREMIUMS FOR CLUBS
+
+
+FIRST:
+
+
+_DANA BICKFORD'S PATENT FAMILY SPINNER_,
+
+The most complete and desirable machine ever yet introduced for spinning
+purposes.
+
+
+SECOND:
+
+
+_BICKFORD'S CROCHET AND FANCY WORK MACHINES_.
+
+
+These beautiful little machines are very fascinating, as well as useful;
+and every lady should have one, as they can make every conceivable kind of
+crochet or fancy work upon them.
+
+
+THIRD:
+
+_BICKFORD'S AUTOMATIC FAMILY KNITTER_.
+
+This is the most perfect and complete machine in the world. It knits every
+thing.
+
+
+FOURTH:
+
+_AMERICAN BUTTONHOLE, OVERSEAMING, AND SEWING-MACHINE_.
+
+This great combination machine is the last and greatest improvement on all
+former machines. No. 1, with finely finished Oiled Walnut Table and Cover,
+complete, price, $75. No. 2, same machine without the buttonhole parts,
+etc., price, $60.
+
+
+WE WILL SEND THE
+
+Family Spinner,                       price, $8, for 4 subscribers and $16.
+No. 1 Crochet,                        price,  8, for 4 subscribers and 16.
+No. 2 Crochet,                        price, 15, for 6 subscribers and 24.
+No. 1 Automatic Knitter, 72 needles,  price, 30, for 12 subscribers and 48.
+No. 2 Automatic Knitter, 84 needles,  price, 33, for 13 subscribers and 52.
+No. 3 Automatic Knitter, 100 needles, price, 37, for 15 subscribers and 60.
+No. 4 Automatic Knitter, 2 cylinders }
+                         1 72 needles}price, 40, for 16 subscribers and 64.
+                         1 100 needles}
+
+No. 1 American Buttonhole and Overseaming Machine, price, $75, for 30
+subscribers and L120.
+No. 2 American Buttonhole and Overseaming Machine, without buttonhole
+parts, etc. price, 60, for 25 subscribers and 100.
+
+
+Descriptive Circulars
+
+
+Of all these machines will be sent upon application to this office, and
+full instructions for working them will be sent to purchasers.
+
+Parties getting up Clubs preferring cash to premiums, may deduct
+seventy-five cents upon each full subscription sent for four subscribers
+and upward, and after the first remittance for four subscribers may send
+single names as they obtain they them, deducting the commission.
+
+Remittances should be made in Post-Office Orders, Bank Checks, or Drafts on
+New-York City; or if these can not be obtained, then by Registered Letters,
+which any post-master will furnish. Charges on money sent by express must
+be prepaid, or the net amount only will be credited.
+
+Directions for shipping machines must be full and explicit to prevent
+error. In sending subscriptions give address, with Town, County, and State.
+
+The postage on this paper will be twenty cents per year, payable quarterly
+in advance, at the place where it was received. Subscribers in the British
+Provinces will remit twenty cents in addition to subscription.
+
+All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to
+
+PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY P. O. Box 2783. No. 83 Nassau Street,
+NEW-YORK
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 2, April 9,
+1870, by Various
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, APRIL 9, 1870 ***
+
+***** This file should be named 9481.txt or 9481.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        http://www.gutenberg.org/9/4/8/9481/
+
+Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Marvin
+A. Hodges and the Online Distributed Proofreaders
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License available with this file or online at
+  www.gutenberg.org/license.
+
+
+Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
+paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.  See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
+     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
+     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+     License.  You must require such a user to return or
+     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+     Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+     of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3.  YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS', WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at 809
+North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887.  Email
+contact links and up to date contact information can be found at the
+Foundation's web site and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact
+
+For additional contact information:
+     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+     Chief Executive and Director
+     gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations.
+To donate, please visit:  www.gutenberg.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone.  For forty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+     www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.