diff options
| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:33:19 -0700 |
|---|---|---|
| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:33:19 -0700 |
| commit | 27ef1c5baad58504b585c604ea9103a2753ba1e9 (patch) | |
| tree | 6b5405eb9300c30c17b5d3b83eb845c24cfc599b /old/8p10210h.htm | |
Diffstat (limited to 'old/8p10210h.htm')
| -rw-r--r-- | old/8p10210h.htm | 2291 |
1 files changed, 2291 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/old/8p10210h.htm b/old/8p10210h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8ad15a5 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/8p10210h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,2291 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> +<head> +<title>PUNCHINELLO, Vol. 1, No. 2</title> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1"> +<style type="text/css"> +<!-- +body {margin:10%; text-align:justify} +img {border: 0;} +blockquote {font-size:14pt} +P {font-size:14pt} +--> +</style> +</head> +<body> + +<h1>Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 2</h1> +<pre> +Project Gutenberg's Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 2, April 9, 1870, by Various + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the +copyright laws for your country before downloading or redistributing +this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook. + +This header should be the first thing seen when viewing this Project +Gutenberg file. Please do not remove it. Do not change or edit the +header without written permission. + +Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the +eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is +important information about your specific rights and restrictions in +how the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** + + +Title: Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 2, April 9, 1870 + +Author: Various + +Release Date: December, 2005 [EBook #9481] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on October 4, 2003] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, V1, N2 *** + + + + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, David Widger, +Marvin A. Hodges and the Online Distributed Proofreaders + + + + + +</pre> + + +<center> +<img alt="cover.jpg (283K)" src="cover.jpg" height="1141" width="781"> +</center> + + +<br><br><br><br> +<center> +<img alt="02.jpg (199K)" src="02.jpg" height="1135" width="779"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + + +<center> +<img alt="03.jpg (160K)" src="03.jpg" height="710" width="710"> +</center> +<br><br> + + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + + +<p>It is as difficult to say when the umbrella came, or where it came from, as<br> +it is to tell where it goes to. Rumor hath it, however, that it came in<br> +(that is, out of the rain) with NOAH. The story (as given us by an<br> +antiquarian relative) says that when the Ark was built the camelopard was<br> +forgotten, and it was found necessary to cut a hole in the roof to<br> +accommodate the animal's neck. This done, SHEM sat upon the roof and held<br> +an umbrella. SHEM thus <i>raised</i> the umbrella. Then our further<br> +question follows, Where did he raise it? Evidently he raised the umbrella<br> +on the Ark.</p> + +<p>These theories seem to us to be entitled to serious consideration; and<br> +certainly it is a reasonable belief that, as the present suffering from the<br> +high price of clothing is due to the sin of our first parents, so the<br> +umbrella is the curse entailed by royalty, coming in with the First Reign<br> +spoken of in history.</p> + +<p>The umbrella appears again in ancient time in connection with DANIEL, who,<br> +it is said, carried one into the lions' den. The authority for this is a<br> +historical painting that has fallen into the hands of an itinerant showman.<br> +A curious fact is stated with reference to this picture, namely, that<br> +DANIEL so closely resembled the lions in personal appearance that it was<br> +necessary for the showman to state that "DANIEL might easily be<br> +distinguished from the lions on account of the blue cotton umbrella under<br> +his right arm."</p> + +<p>For what purpose this umbrella may have been carried we can only surmise.</p> + +<p>The most probable theory is, that it was to be used there to intimidate the<br> +lions, as it has since been used toward mad bulls and other ferocious<br> +beasts.</p> + +<p>We have now taken hold pretty firmly of what may be called the handle of<br> +the umbrella. We have learned that, as ADAM raised CAIN, NOAH raised the<br> +umbrella, and DANIEL carried one.</p> + +<p>We have learned further that the umbrella carried by DANIEL was a blue<br> +cotton umbrella—undoubtedly the most primitive type of the umbrella.</p> + +<p>It is one of this class that your country friend brings down with him, that<br> +darkeneth the heavens as with a canopy and maketh you ashamed of your<br> +company. It is such an umbrella as this that is to be found or might have<br> +been found, in ancient days, in every old farm-house—one that covered the<br> +whole household when it went to church, occupying as much room when closed<br> +as would the tent of an Arab.</p> + +<p>We have heard it said that it was the impossibility of two umbrellas of<br> +this nature passing each other on a narrow road which led to the invention<br> +of covered wagons.</p> + +<p>There is nothing lovely about a blue cotton umbrella, though there may have<br> +been <i>under</i> it at times and seasons. Skeletons of the species, much<br> +faded as to color, much weakened as to whalebone, may still be found here<br> +and there in backwoods settlements, where they are known as "umbrells;"<br> +there are but few perfect specimens in existence.</p> + +<p>The present style of the umbrella is varied, and sometimes elegant. The<br> +cover is of silk; the ribs are of steel oftener than of bone, and the<br> +handle is wrought into divers quaint and beautiful shapes. The most common<br> +kind is the <i>hooked umbrella</i>. Most people have hooked umbrellas—or,<br> +if this statement be offensive to any one, we will say that most people<br> +have had umbrellas hooked. The chance resemblance of this expression to one<br> +signifying to obstruct illegally that which properly belongs to another,<br> +reminds us to speak of the singular fact that the umbrella is not property.<br> +This is important. It rests on judicial decision, and becomes more<br> +important when we remember that by similar decision the negro is property,<br> +and that, therefore, until emancipation, the umbrella was superior to the<br> +negro. The judicial decision cited will be found reported in <i>Vanity<br> +Fair</i>, liber 3, page 265, and was on this wise: A man being arraigned<br> +for stealing an umbrella, pleaded that it rained at the time, and he had no<br> +umbrella. On these grounds he was discharged, and the judge took the<br> +umbrella. (We may notice here how closely this decision has been followed,<br> +even down to modern times, and touching other matters than umbrellas.)</p> + +<p>This established the fact that the umbrella was not property that could be<br> +bought, sold, and stolen, but a free gift of the manufacturer to universal<br> +creation. The right of ownership in umbrellas ranked henceforward with our<br> +right to own the American continent, being merely a right by discovery.</p> + +<p>(TO BE CONTINUED.)</p> +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + +<br><br><br><br> +<center> +<img alt="03a.jpg (94K)" src="03a.jpg" height="468" width="533"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + + + + + +<hr> + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + +<p> +<br> +Depressing for Chicago.</p> + +<p> +The Chicago press has given up all hopes of the PRINCE OF WALES since he<br> +has proved his innocence in regard to Lady MORDAUNT. Chicago had begun to<br> +look upon him with mildly patronizing favor, when he was accused of a share<br> +in a really first-class divorce case; but now that his innocence is<br> +established, there is no longer any extenuating circumstance which can<br> +induce Chicago to overlook the infamous crime of his royal birth.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Latest from the Isthmus of Suez.</p> + +<p> +Of all men, the followers of MOHAMMED are the most candid; since no matter<br> +of what you accuse them, they always acknowledge the Koran.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Right and Left.</p> + +<p>Because the P.& O. Directors have suspended their EYRE, we are not called<br> +upon to suspend our anger. We decline to believe that he can justify<br> +himself in leaving the Oneida, however blameless he may have been in the<br> +matter of the collision. Because the Oneida was Left it does not follow<br> +that the Bombay was Right.</p> + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + +<hr> +<center> +<h3>THE PLAYS AND SHOWS.</h3> +</center> + +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + +<img alt="04.jpg (92K)" src="04.jpg" height="615" width="411"> + +</td><td> +<p>Mr. BOUCICAULT might properly be called the author of the elementary Drama. +Not because his plays, like elementary lessons in French, are peculiarly +aggravating to the well-regulated mind, but because of his fondness for +employing one of the elements of nature—fire, water, or golden hair—in +the production of the sensation which invariably takes place in the fourth +or fifth act of each of his popular dramas. In the <i>Streets of +New-York</i>, he made a hit by firing a building at the spectacularly +disposed audience. In <i>Formosa</i>, he gave us a boat-race; and in +<i>Lost at Sea</i>, now running at WALLACK'S, he has renewed his former +fondness for playing with fire. The following condensed version of this +play is offered to the readers of PUNCHINELLO, with the assurance that, +though it may be a little more coherent than the unabridged edition, it is +a faithful picture of the sort of thing that Mr. BOUCICAULT, aided and +abetted by Mr. WALLACK, thinks proper to offer to the public.</p> +</td></tr> +</table> + + +<hr> + + +<center> +<h3>LOST AT SEA.</h3> +</center> + + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + +<p> +ACT I. <i>Scene</i> 1. <i>Enter Virtuous Banker</i>. "I have embezzled<br> +WALTER CORAM'S money, and he is coming from India to claim it. I am a<br> +ruined man."</p> + +<p><i>Enter Unprincipled Clerk</i>. "Not so. WALTER CORAM is lost at sea, and<br> +we will keep the money."</p> + +<p><i>Virtuous Banker</i>. "Thank heaven! I am not found out, and can remain<br> +an honest man as usual."</p> + +<p><i>Scene</i> 2. <i>Enter Comic Villain</i>. "I am just released from prison<br> +and must soon meet my wife." (<i>Swears and smashes in his hat</i>.)</p> + +<p><i>Enter Unprincipled Clerk</i>. "Not so. WALTER, CORAM is lost at sea.<br> +Personate him, draw his money, and share it with me."</p> + +<p><i>Comic Villain</i>. "I will." (<i>Swears and smashes in his hat</i>.)</p> + +<p><i>Scene</i> 3. <i>Enter Miss Effie Germon</i>. (Aside.) "I am supposed to<br> +be a virtuous and vagabond boy. I hate to show my ankles in ragged<br> +trowsers, but I must." (<i>Shows them. Applause</i>)</p> + +<p><i>Enter Daughter of Comic Villain</i>. "I love the unprincipled clerk; but<br> +there is a sick stranger up-stairs who pokes the fire in a way that I can<br> +hardly resist. Be firm, my heart. Shall I be untrue to my own unprincipled<br> +——-"</p> + +<p><i>Enter Unprincipled Clerk</i>. "Not so. WALTER CORAM is lost at sea, and<br> +I must leave these valuable boxes in your hands for safe-keeping."<br> +(<i>Leaves the boxes, and then leaves himself</i>.)</p> + +<p><i>Enter Sick Stranger</i>. "I am WALTER CORAM. Those are my boxes.<br> +Somebody is personating me. Big thing on somebody. Let him go ahead."<br> +(<i>Curtain</i>.)</p> + +<hr> +<p><i>Young Lady in the Audience</i>. "Isn't EFFIE GERMON perfectly lovely?"</p> + +<p><i>Accompanying Bostonian Youth</i>. "Yes; but you should see RISTORI in<br> +<i>Marie Antoinette</i>. There is a sweetness and light about the great<br> +tragedienne which ——-"</p> + +<p><i>Heavy old Party, to contiguous Young Man</i>. "Don't think much of this;<br> +do you? Now, in TOM PLACIDS's day——" <i>Contiguous and aggrieved Young<br> +Man pleads an engagement and hastily goes out</i>.</p> + +<p>ACT II. <i>Scene</i> 1. <i>Virtuous Banker's Villa, Comic Villain,<br> +Unprincipled Clerk, and Wealthy Heroine dining with the Banker</i>.</p> + +<p><i>Enter Original Coram</i>. "I am WALTER CORAM; but I can't prove it, the<br> +villains having stolen my bootjack."</p> + +<p><i>Enter Comic Villain, who smashes in his hat, and swears</i>.</p> + +<p><i>Original Coram. (Approaching him</i>.) "This is WALTER CORAM, I believe?<br> +I knew you in India. We boarded together. Don't you remember old FUTTYGHUR<br> +ALLAHABAD, and the rest of our set?"</p> + +<p><i>Comic Villain, in great mental torture</i>. "Certainly; of course: I<br> +said so at the time." (<i>Swears and smashes in his hat</i>.) (<i>Exeunt<br> +omnes, in search of Virtuous Banker</i>.)</p> + +<p><i>Scene</i> 2. <i>Enter Miss Effie Germon, by climbing over the wall</i>.<br> +"I hate to climb over the wall and show my ankles in these nasty trowsers,<br> +but I must." (<i>Shows them. Applause</i>.)</p> + +<p><i>Enter Daughter of Comic Villain</i>. "Great Heavings! What do I see? My<br> +beloved clerk offering himself to the wealthy heroine? I must faint!"<br> +(<i>Faints</i>.)</p> + +<p><i>Enter aristocratic lover of wealthy heroine, and catches the faintress<br> +in his arms. Wealthy heroine catches him in the act. Tableau of virtuous<br> +indignation</i>. (<i>Curtain</i>)</p> + +<hr> +<p><i>Young Lady before-named</i>. "Isn't EFFIE GERMON perfectly sweet?"</p> + +<p><i>Bostonian Youth</i>. "Yes; but RISTORI——"</p> + +<p><i>Mighty Young Men</i>. "Let's go out for drinks."</p> + +<p> +ACT III. <i>Scene</i> 1. <i>Enter Daughter of Comic Villain</i>. "My clerk<br> +is false, and I don't care a straw for him. Consequently, I will drown<br> +myself."</p> + +<p><i>Enter Original Coram</i>. "I am WALTER CORAM; but I can't prove it, the<br> +villains having stolen my Calcutta latch-key. Better not drown yourself, my<br> +dear. You'll find it beastly wet. Don't do it." (<i>She doesn't do it</i>.)<br> +(<i>Curtain</i>.)</p> + +<hr> +<p><i>Young Lady before-named</i>. "Isn't EFFIE GERMON perfectly beautiful?"</p> + +<p><i>Bostonian Youth</i>. "Yes. But at her age RISTORI——"</p> + +<p><i>Heavy old Party murmurs in his sleep of ELLEN TREE. More young men go<br> +out to get drinks</i>.</p> + +<p> +ACT IV. <i>Scene</i> 1. <i>Enter Virtuous Banker</i>. "All is lost. There<br> +is a run on the bank ——-"</p> + +<p><i>Enter Unprincipled Clerk</i>. "WALTER CORAM presents check for £7 4 S.<br> +We have no funds. Shall we pay it?"</p> + +<p><i>Enter Original Coram</i>. (<i>Aside</i>.) "I am WALTER CORAM; but I<br> +can't prove it, the villains having taken my other handkerchief. (<i>To the<br> +Banker</i>.) Sir, you once gave me a penny, and you have since embezzled my<br> +fortune. How can I repay such noble conduct? Here is a bag of gold. Take it<br> +and pay your creditors."</p> + +<p><i>Scene</i> 2. <i>Enter Unprincipled Clerk and Comic Villain</i>.</p> + +<p><i>Unprincipled Clerk</i>. "The original CORAM has turned up. We must turn<br> +him down again. I will burn him in his bed to-night."</p> + +<p><i>Comic Villain</i>. "Burn him; but don't attempt any violence." (<i>Swears<br> +and smashes in his hat</i>.)</p> + +<p><i>Scene</i> 4. <i>Enter Original Coram</i>. "I am WALTER COHAM; but I<br> +can't prove it—I forget precisely why. What is this in my coffee? Opium!<br> +It is, by SIVA, VISHNU, and others! They would fain drug my drink. Ha! Ha!<br> +I have drank, eaten, smoked, chewed, and snuffed opium for ninety years. I<br> +like it. So did my parents. I am, so to speak, the child of poppy. Ha! What<br> +do I see? Flames twenty feet high all around me! Can this be fire? The<br> +wretches mean to burn me alive! (<i>Aside</i>—And they'll do it too, some<br> +night, if Moss don't keep a sharp look-out after those lazy carpenters.)"</p> + +<p><i>Enter Miss Effie German</i>. (<i>Aside</i>.) "I must get on the roof and<br> +drag CORAM out. I hate to do it; for I shall have to show my ankles in<br> +these horrid trowsers. But I suppose I must." (<i>Gets on the roof with<br> +Comic Villain's Daughter, shows ankles, lifts up roof and saves Coram, amid<br> +whirlwinds of applause and smoke.—Curtain</i>)</p> + +<hr> +<p><i>Young Lady before-named</i>. "Isn't EFFIE GERMON <i>too</i> lovely?"</p> + +<p><i>Bostonian Youth</i>. "Yes. RISTORI is, however ——-"</p> + +<p><i>Heavy old Party</i>. "This fire business is dangerous, sir. Never saw it<br> +done at the old Park. EDMUND KEAN would ——-"</p> + +<p>ACT V. <i>Enter Original Coram</i>. "I am WALTER CORAM. I can now prove it<br> +by simply mentioning the fact. I love the daughter of the Comic Villain,<br> +and will marry her."</p> + +<p><i>Unprincipled Clerk</i>. "All is lost except WALTER CORAM, who ought to<br> +be. I will go to Australia, at once." (<i>He goes</i>.)</p> + +<p><i>Comic Villain</i>, (<i>smashes his hat over his eyes and swears</i>).</p> + +<p><i>Virtuous Banker</i>. "Bless you, my children. I forgive you all the<br> +injuries I have done you." (<i>Curtain</i>.)</p> + +<br> +<hr> +<br> + +<p><i>Every body in the audience</i>. "How do you like—Real fire; STODDAHT'S<br> +faces are—Real fire; EFFIE GERMON is—Real fire; Come and take—Real fire;<br> +JIM WALLACK is always at home in—Real fire; There is nothing in the play<br> +but—Real fire."</p> + +<p><i>Misanthropic Critic, to gentlemanly Treasurer</i>. "Can I have two seats<br> +for to-morrow night?"</p> + +<p><i>Treasurer</i>. "All sold, sir. Play draws better than <i>Ours</i>!"</p> + +<p><i>Misanthropic Critic</i>. Well! no matter. I only wanted to send my<br> +mother-in-law, knowing that the house must take fire some night. However,<br> +I'll read the play to her instead; if she survives that, she isn't mortal.</p> + +<hr> +<p><i>Suggestion kindly made to Manager Moss</i>.—Have the fire scene take<br> +place in the first act, and let all the <i>dramatis personae</i> perish in<br> +the flames. Thus shall the audience be spared the vulgar profanity of<br> +STODDART'S "Comic Villain," the absurdity of WALLACK'S "Coram," the twaddle<br> +of HIELD'S "Virtuous Banker," and the impossible imbecility of FISHER'S<br> +"Unprincipled Clerk." Miss GERMON in trowsers, and Miss HENRIQUES in tears,<br> +are very nice; but they do not quite redeem the wretchedness of the play.<br> +The sooner Mr. Moss gives up his present flame and returns to his early<br> +love—legitimate comedy—the better.</p> +<p>MATADOR.</p> + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + + + + + +<hr> +<center> +<h3>HOW TO BEHAVE AT A THEATRE.</h3></center> + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + +<p> +MR. PUNCHINELLO: I take it you are willing to receive useful information.<br> +Of course you are—Why? Because, while you may be humorous, you intend also<br> +to be sensible. I have in my day been to the theatre not a little. I have<br> +seen many plays and many audiences. I know—or, at least, think I do—what<br> +is good acting, and—what good manners. Suffer me, then, briefly to give<br> +you a few hints as to how an audience should behave. I shall charge nothing<br> +for the information, though I am frank to insinuate that it is worth a<br> +deal—of the value, perhaps, of a great deal table.</p> + +<p>First. Always take a lady with you to the play. It will please her,<br> +whatever the bother to you. Besides, you will then be talked to. If you<br> +make a mess of it in trying to unravel the plot, she will essentially aid<br> +you in that direction. Nothing like a woman for a plot—especially if you<br> +desire to plunge head foremost into one.</p> + +<p>Second. If you have any loud conversation to indulge in, do it while the<br> +play is going on. Possibly it may disturb your neighbors; but you do not<br> +ask them to hear it. Hail Columbia! isn't this a free country? If you have<br> +any private and confidential affairs to talk over, the theatre is the place<br> +in which to do it. Possibly strangers may not comprehend all the bearings;<br> +but that is not your fault. You do your best—who can do better?</p> + +<p>Third. If you have an overcoat or any other garment, throw it across the<br> +adjoining or front seat. Never mind any protests of frown or word. Should<br> +not people be willing to accommodate? Of course they should. Prove it by<br> +putting your dripping umbrella against the lady with the nice moire antique<br> +silk. It may ruffle her temper; but that's her business, not yours; she<br> +shouldn't be ridiculous because well dressed.</p> + +<p>Fourth. Try and drop your opera-glass half a dozen times of an evening. If<br> +it makes a great racket—as of course it will—and rolls a score of seats<br> +off, hasten at once to obtain possession of the frisky instrument. Let<br> +these little episodes be done at a crisis in the play where the finest<br> +points are being evolved.</p> + +<p>Fifth. Of course you carry a cane—a very ponderous cane. What for? To use<br> +it, obviously. Contrive to do so when every body is silent. What's the use<br> +in being demonstrative in a crowd? It don't pay. Besides, you dog, you know<br> +your <i>forte</i> is in being odd. Odd fellow-you. See it in your<br> +brain—only half of one. Make a point to bring down your cane when there is<br> +none, (point, not cane,) and shout out "Good!" or "Bravo!" when you have<br> +reason to believe other people are going to be quiet.</p> + +<p>Sixth. Never go in till after a play begins, and invariably leave in the<br> +middle of an act, and in the most engaging scene.</p> + +<p>These are but a few hints. However, I trust they are good as far as they<br> +go. I may send you a half-dozen more. In the mean time I remain</p> + +<p>Yours, truly,</p> + +<p>O. FOGY.</p> + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + + +<hr> + +<center> +<img alt="05.jpg (321K)" src="05.jpg" height="1565" width="719"> +</center> + + + +<hr> +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> +<p>V. H. to Punchinello.</p> + +<p>The following letter, received by the French cable, explains itself. After<br> +the perusal of it, America warms toward France:</p> + +<p>HAUTEVILLE PARK, March 25,1870.</p> + +<p>To THE EDITOR OF THE PUNCHINELLO:</p> + +<p>MONSIEUR: The advance copy of your journal has stormed my heart. I owe it<br> +one happy day.</p> + +<p>Europe trembles. They light their torches sinister, those trans-alpine<br> +vacillationists. The church, already less tranquil, dis-segregates itself.<br> +We laugh.</p> + +<p>To your journal there is a future, and there will be a past.</p> + +<p>The age has its pulsations, and it never forgets.</p> + +<p>I, too, remember.</p> + +<p>There is also blood. Upon it already glitters the dust of glory.</p> + +<p>Monsieur! I salute you and your <i>confreres</i>!</p> + +<p>Accept my homage and my emotion.</p> + +<p>VICTOR HUGO.</p> +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + +<br> +<hr> +<br> +<center> +<h3>THE HABITS OF GREAT MEN.</h3></center> +<br> +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> +<p> + "Lives of great men all remind us<br> + We can make our lives sublime,<br> + And, departing, leave behind us<br> + Footprints on the sands of time."</p> +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> +<br><br> + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + +<p> +Almost since the world began, people have been interested in and<br> +entertained by gossip respecting the personal habits and individual<br> +idiosyncrasies of popular writers and orators. It is a universal and<br> +undying characteristic of human nature. No age has been exempt from it from<br> +PLINY'S time down to BEECHER'S. It may suitably be called the scarlet-fever<br> +of curiosity, and rash indeed must be the writer who refuses or neglects to<br> +furnish any food for the scandal-monger's maw. While we deprecate in the<br> +strongest terms the custom which persists in lifting the veil of<br> +personality from the forehead of the great, respect for traditional usages<br> +and obligation to the present, as well as veneration for the future, impels<br> +us to reveal some things that are not generally known concerning the men<br> +who are playing "leading business" on the world's great stage of to-day.</p> + +<p>For instance, mankind is generally ignorant of the fact that Mr. SUMNER<br> +bathes twice a day in a compound, two thirds of which is water and one<br> +third milk, and that he dictates most of his speeches to a stenographer<br> +while reclining in the bath-tub. WENDELL PHILLIPS is said to have written<br> +the greater portion of his famous lecture on "The Lost Arts" on the backs<br> +of old envelopes while waiting for a train in the Boston depot. Mr. GEORGE<br> +W. CURTIS prepares his mind for writing by sleeping with his head encased<br> +in a nightcap lined with leaves of lavender and rose. GRANT, it is said,<br> +accomplishes most of his writing while under the influence of either opium<br> +or chloroform, which will account for the soothing character of his state<br> +papers. WALT WHITMAN writes most of his poetry in the dissecting-room of<br> +the Medical College, where he has a desk fitted up in close proximity to<br> +the operating table. Mr. DANA is said to write most of his editorials in<br> +one of the parlors of the Manhattan Club, arrayed in black broadcloth from<br> +the sole of his head to the crown of his foot, his hands encased in corn-<br> +colored kids, a piece of chewing-gum in his mouth, and a bottle of Cherry<br> +Pectoral by his side. The report that he eats fish every morning for his<br> +breakfast is untrue: he rejects FISH. COLFAX writes all his speeches and<br> +lectures with his feet in hot water, and his head wrapped in a moist towel.<br> +His greatest vice, next to being Vice-President, is to insist upon having<br> +his writing desk in front of a mirror. BUTLER accomplishes most of his<br> +literary labor over a dish of soup, which he absorbs through the medium of<br> +two of his favorite weapons, thus keeping both his hands employed, and<br> +dictating to an amanuensis every time his mouth enjoys a vacation. BEECHER<br> +has several methods by which he prepares his mind to write a sermon: By<br> +riding up and down Broadway on the top of a stage; visiting the Academy of<br> +Anatomy, or spending a few hours at the Bloomingdale Retreat. Neither<br> +HOLMES nor WHITTIER are able to write a line of poetry until they are<br> +brought in contact with the blood of freshly-slain animals; while, on the<br> +other hand, LONGFELLOW'S only dissipation previous to poetic effort, is a<br> +dish of baked beans. FORNEY vexes his gigantic intellect with iced water<br> +and tobacco, (of the latter, "two papers, both daily.") Mr. TILTON composes<br> +as he reposes in his night-dress, with his hair powdered and "a strawberry<br> +mark upon his left arm." Mr. PARTON writes with his toes, his hands being<br> +employed meanwhile knitting hoods for the destitute children of Alaska. Mr.<br> +P. is a philanthropist. BAYARD TAYLOR writes only in his sleep or while in<br> +a trance state—notwithstanding the fact that he lives in the State of<br> +Pennsylvania. He will then dictate enough to require the services of three<br> +or four stenographers, and in the morning is ready to attend to the<br> +laborious and exacting duties attached to the position of stockholder in<br> +the New-York <i>Tribune</i>. Mr. GREELEY conceives some of his most<br> +brilliant editorial articles while churning the mercurial milk of the<br> +Chappaqua farm into butter; or vexing the gracious grain with the flying<br> +flail; or listening to the pensive murmurings of the plaintive pigs, and<br> +the whispered cadences of the kindly cattle. RICHARD GRANT WHITE can't<br> +write, it is said, until a towel moistened with Cologne water is applied to<br> +his nostrils. Sometimes, however, he varies the monotony of this method by<br> +riding several miles in a Third Avenue car, which produces a similar<br> +effect. OAKEY HALL writes his best things while riding on horseback in<br> +Central Park; his saddle being arranged with a writing-desk accompaniment;<br> +and while OAKEY dashes off the sentences, his horse furnishes the Stops.<br> +And just here we propose to stop furnishing further revelations concerning<br> +the men whose deeds have made their names famous in current national and<br> +local history.</p> +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + + + +<hr> +<center> +<img alt="06.jpg (168K)" src="06.jpg" height="770" width="589"> +</center> + + +<hr> +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> +<p> +Taking the Cue.</p> + +<p> +There is a strong disposition among those of our diplomats who may be able<br> +to talk a little "pigeon English," to obtain the Chinese position left<br> +vacant by Mr. BURLINGAME. Most of these gentlemen can point the Moral of<br> +the matter—the sixty thousand dollars a year—but whether any of them<br> +would adorn the Tail, is quite another affair.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Questions for H.G.</p> + +<p> +Is not the <i>Tribune</i> influenced by its negrophilism in denouncing<br> +PIERRE BONAPARTE as an assassin? Had the victim been a BLANC instead of a<br> +NOIR, would Mr. GREELEY have felt quite as much sympathy for him?</p> + +<hr> +<p>APROPOS OF THE "ONEIDA."—The windiest excuses of the day are those of<br> +EYRE.</p> +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + +<hr> +<br><br> +<center> +<h3>ARRAH WHAT DOES HE MANE AT ALL?</h3> +</center> +<br> +<center> +<p> +<i>Scene. The White House</i>.</p> + +<p>ULYSSES ASLEEP. CUBA, ROONEY, AND FISH OUTSIDE ON THE LOBBY.</p> +</center> +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> +<p>ROONEY <i>Loquitur</i>.</p> + +<p> ULYSSES asthore! Good lord, don't he snore!<br> + ULYSSES! ULYSSES, my boy!<br> + There's company here, must see you, me dear,<br> + In spite of this Spanish kill-joy.<br> + This Minister FISH, who, had he his wish,<br> + Wud put your ould ROONEY down-stairs.<br> + Ay, faith if he dar, but betther by far<br> + The sinner was sayin' his pray'rs.<br> + Arrah what does he mane at all?</p> + +<p> Now, ULICK S. GRANT, it's your own self I want,<br> + To patiently listen, mavrone,<br> + To what I've to say, in a fatherly way,<br> + As if you wor child ov my own.<br> + For shure is it time, in prose or in rhyme,<br> + That somebody spoke up, who dar'.<br> + ULYSSES awake! for Liberty's sake,<br> + It's braykin our hearts you are.<br> + Arrah what do you mane at all?</p> + +<p> Och, wirrasthrue vo! it's bitther to know<br> + The work that goes an in your name;<br> + The murdher an' ruin, that others are doin'<br> + Whilst you have to showlder the shame!<br> + The grief that is ours, whin you, by the Pow'rs,<br> + Seem traytin it all like a joke,<br> + Like NAYRO, the thief, whin Room was in grief,<br> + That fiddled away in the smoke!<br> + Arrah what do you mane at all?</p> + +<p> Och, wake up, ochone! Your innimies groan<br> + The words that cut deep as a sword:<br> + "He's greedy for goold, an by its slaves rooled<br> + ULYSSES is false to his word.<br> + See poor Cuba there, all tatthered and bare;<br> + For months at his doore she has stud;<br> + Not a word he replies to her sobs or her sighs,<br> + Nor cares for her tears or her blood!<br> + Arrah what does he mane at all?"</p> + +<p> Musha, what's that you say? "Sind the ould fool away."<br> + I'm disturbin' your rest wid my prate;<br> + There's Minister FISH, to consult if I wish,<br> + Who attinds to all matthers of state.<br> + An' Cuba, she too, wid her hulabaloo,<br> + May just as well bundle an' go;<br> + You won't hear us now, wid our murtherin row,<br> + You'll sleep it out whether or no!<br> + Arrah what do we mane at all?</p> + +<p> Ah! then, by my sowl, this thratemint is foul—<br> + To put your best frinds to the blush;<br> + An' wor you sinsare, in what you sed there<br> + We'd tie up your whistle, my thrush!<br> + But ULICK, machree, you can't desave me,<br> + By sayin' the word you don't mane;<br> + Or make her beleeve who stands at me sleeve,<br> + In FISH an' his Castles in Spane.<br> + Arrah what do you mane at all?</p> + +<p> 'Tis late in the day to talk in that way;<br> + We've had ministhers dishes galore,<br> + An' laste to my taste, at the blundherin faste,<br> + The sauce ov that fish one, asthore.<br> + No, ULICK, alan! the work that's in han'<br> + Must be done by yourself, if at all.<br> + Your cooks, by my troth, are burnin' the broth,<br> + We smell it out here in the hall!<br> + Arrah what do you mane at all?</p> + +<p> No, ULICK, my boy, rise up to our joy,<br> + An' make a clane sweep ov the crowd<br> + Of tinkerin tools, an' blundherin fools,<br> + That put your wits undher a cloud.<br> + Rise up in your might, an' sthrike for the right!<br> + Let England an' Spain hear us talk;<br> + Give FISH his conjay, an' ROONEY will stay;<br> + You'll then see who's cock ov the walk!<br> + Arrah what do you mane at all?</p> + +<p> Lave Britain alone; if she won't pay, mavrone,<br> + She's puttin' her head into debt.<br> + If I know the books, the way the thing looks,<br> + She'll pay us, wid intherest, yet!<br> + Ay, faith he did say, so wise in his day—<br> + That noble ould Graycian, PHILANDER—<br> + That sauce for the goose, if well kept for use,<br> + Was just as good sauce for the gandher!<br> + Arrah what did he mane at all?</p> + +<p> But Spain, the ould wulf, for her tricks in the Gulf,<br> + Her robbery, murdher, and worse,<br> + <i>Her</i> debt, she must see, is put down C.O.D.,<br> + Wid Cuba relaysed from her curse.<br> + Ay, FISH, you may sweat, an' SUMNER may threat,<br> + An' burst his crack'd head in the row;<br> + The People have spoke, that's fire an' not smoke!<br> + An' this must be finished, an' now.<br> + Arrah what do you mane at all?</p> + +<p> Och! ULICK, awake, for Liberty's sake!<br> + If not for your ROONEY, asthore;<br> + The Godiss is here, but thrimbles wid fear<br> + Ov the cowld-blooded Thing at the doore.<br> + She sez that your name a by-word of shame<br> + Will be to the nations onborn,<br> + If you lie there anmov'd whilst the flag that you lov'd<br> + Is flouted by Spaniards wid scorn.<br> + Arrah what do you mane at all?</p> + +<p> She sez, an' wid grief, her love for the chief,<br> + That fought neath her bannir so long,<br> + Will turn into hate, that will cling to the fate<br> + Ov him who now sides wid the wrong.<br> + She sez ov all woes that misery knows,<br> + The grief ov the wronger's the worst<br> + Who houlds back his ban' from a sufferin' lan'<br> + An' laves her to tyrants accurs'd!<br> + Arrah what do you mane at all?</p> + +<p> Ah! <i>that</i> stirs your blood; I thought that it wud.<br> + Your rizin', me bouchal; it's done!<br> + Go on wid your pray'rs! I'm kickin' down-stairs<br> + This ould Spanish mack'rel, for fun.<br> + Sweet Liberty here, and Cuba, my dear!<br> + You'll stay for the bite an' the sup?<br> + An' pardon my joy; since I've woke up the boy<br> + I don't know what ind ov me's up!<br> + Arrah what did he mane at all?</p> + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + +<hr> +<br><br><br> +<center> +<h3>Travellers' Tales.</h3></center> +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> +<p> +No one now believes that DR. LIVINGSTONE was burnt for sorcery. The<br> +originator of the report could have made a more plausible story by<br> +asserting that LIVINGSTONE refused to marry the daughter of an African<br> +chief, and was consequently put to death. This would have been strictly in<br> +accordance with the customs of the African aristocracy, and would also have<br> +called forth general admiration for the man who preferred to burn rather<br> +than to marry.</p> + +<hr> +<br><br> + +<p>City Hamlets vs. Rural Ditto.</p> + +<p> +The leading cities of late have grown almost wild with excitement over<br> +their HAMLETS; but in country localities, the hamlets are marked for<br> +quietude, and a refreshing freedom from all that is stagey, except,<br> +perhaps, stage-coaches.</p> +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + + +<hr> +<center> +<img alt="07.jpg (198K)" src="07.jpg" height="653" width="933"> +</center> +<center> +<h3> +ORANGE-PEEL, ET. CETERA.</h3> +</center> + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> +<p> +PUNCHINELLO, ever ready to hail with acclamation all that is for the<br> +welfare of his fellow-men, is delighted to learn that an<br> +"Anti-Orange-peel-and-Banana-skin Association" has been organized in the<br> +city of New-York. The great number of severe accidents annually caused by<br> +the idiotic custom of casting orange-peel and such other lubricious<br> +integuments recklessly about the side-walks, has long furnished a topic for<br> +public animadversion. Some of our leading citizens have taken the matter in<br> +hand—or, to speak more correctly, on foot. The picture at the top of this<br> +page gives a life-like representation of the Association referred to,<br> +engaged in their benevolent work of removing from the side-walk with their<br> +Boots all such fragments as might tend to the development of Slippers. The<br> +Association has PUNCHINELLO'S best wishes. The Orange-Outangs who render<br> +the side-walks dangerous have his worst.</p> +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + +<hr> +<center> +<h3> +HAMLET FROM A RURAL POINT.</h3></center> +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> +<p>The Great FECHTER as HAMLET has given us another proof of the brilliant<br> +imagination of Mr. DICKENS. The play is so well known that a synopsis of it<br> +is unnecessary. Yet a few words on the subject.</p> + +<p>An economical mother in high society permits baked meats left from a<br> +funeral festival to be served at a subsequent entertainment. Her son takes<br> +umbrage at this; becomes morose and sullen; affects spiritualism and<br> +private theatricals. This leads to serious family difficulties, culminating<br> +in a domestic broil of unusual violence. The intellectual aim of the piece<br> +is to show the extraordinary loquacity of a Danish Prince. The moral<br> +inculcated by it is, "Spare the rod and spoil the child." It is replete<br> +with quotations from the best authors, and contains many passages of marked<br> +ability. Its literary merit is unquestionable, though it lacks the vivacity<br> +of BOUCICAULT, and possesses no situation of such intense interest as the<br> +scene in ROSINA MEADOWS where the heroine starts for Boston.</p> + +<p>Mr. FECHTER presents HAMLET as a perfect "flaxy;" partly in deference to<br> +the present popularity of the tint, and partly to show a marked contrast<br> +with his OTHELLO, which character he always makes up as a male brunette.<br> +His countenance is of great breadth and flexibility, ranging in its full<br> +compass from the Placid Babe to the Outraged Congressman. His voice extends<br> +from B flat <i>profundo</i> to the <i>ut de poitrine piccolo</i>. The<br> +emotional nature of HAMLET gives him opportunity to exhibit both of these<br> +wonderful organs, and in <i>tutta forza</i> passages, where he forces them<br> +to their utmost power, the effect is exhilarating.</p> + +<p>Mr. FECHTER is polished. He does not hesitate to correct the sometimes rude<br> +and occasionally offensive remarks of HAMLET. Mr. FECHTER is refined. He<br> +permits "no maggots in a dead dog." He substitutes "trichinae in<br> +prospective pork." Fashionable patrons will appreciate this. They cherish<br> +poodles, particularly post-mortem; they disdain swine. Mr. FECHTER is<br> +polite. He excludes "the insolence of office," and "the cutpurse of the<br> +empire and the rule." Collector BAILEY'S "fetch" sits in front. Mr. FECHTER<br> +is fastidious. He omits the prefatory remarks to "assume a virtue," but<br> +urges his mother to seek relief in Chicago. Considering her frivolous<br> +conduct and the acrid colloquy consequent upon the comparison of<br> +photographs, this is filial as well as affectionate.</p> + +<p>Minor actors must, of course, be precluded from liberties with the text;<br> +but presuming the alterations in question to be the result of a<br> +consultation with Mr. DICKENS, we must rejoice that SHAKESPEARE is being<br> +toned to good society. We commend the improved readings to the delicate<br> +susceptibilities of the community.</p> + +<p>Mr. FECHTER is a great genius. Distinguished talent is occasionally needed<br> +to elevate the national taste. How we have outraged theatrical proprieties<br> +by applauding WALLACK and BOOTH and DAVENPORT!<br> +FORREST, forget us. FECHTER,<br> +forgive us.</p> + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + +<hr> +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> +<p>Epitaph on a Defunct Boarding-House.</p> + +<p>Peace to its Hashes!</p> + +<hr> +<p>Apropos of Small-salaried Husbands, who have Extravagant Wives.</p> + +<p>"A little earning is a dangerous thing."</p> + +<hr> +<p>The Mormon's Motto</p> + +<p>Bring 'em Young.</p> +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + +<hr> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="08.jpg (279K)" src="08.jpg" height="999" width="709"> +</center> +<br><br> + + +<hr> + +<center> +<h3> +JUMBLES.</h3></center> + + +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> +<img alt="09.jpg (115K)" src="09.jpg" height="623" width="407"> + +</td><td> +<p>Truth to tell, I <i>don't</i> like neighbors. I <i>do</i> like +civilization. The trouble is, neighbors are not always civilized. +PUNCHINELLO will be impressed with the fact before becoming a single +weekling. The first floor may be ever so nice, quiet, well-dressed, proper +folks—but those dreadful musical people in the attic! I hate musical +people; that is, when in the chrysalis state of learning. Practice makes +perfect, indeed; but practice also makes a great deal of noise. Noise is +another of my constitutional dislikes. If these matters must be divided, +give me the melody, and whoever else will, may take the noise. The truth +is, my dear PUNCHINELLO—and I may as well begin calling you what the +public will do one of these early days—there is nothing like notes. But +bank-notes are my weakness. My weakness in that direction is, I may +confidently state, very strong. The ladies are not the only greenbacks that +are accepted at sight; and acceptable to it. The bank on which I should +like to dwell—do you not guess it?—is the auriferous National. Those +musical neighbors-how they do play, though! But, to borrow from Mr. SLANG, +my queer neighbor opposite, they have about played out. Our gentlemanly +landlord—all landlords are so very gentlemanly, kind, good, and +considerate—Mr. GRABB, says it don't pay to keep such tenants.</p> +</td></tr> +</table> + +<br><br> +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> +<p>"Mr. GRABB, pay—pray, why don't it pay?"</p> + +<p>"Why, Mr. TODD, why, sir—because <i>they</i> don't pay. D'ye see it, Mr.<br> +TODD?"</p> + +<p>Mr. TODD did see it.</p> + +<p>"Music hath charms," and all that fine thing; but it can't evidently charm<br> +a landlord, as at present constructed, into the faith that the notes of a<br> +fiddle, a clarionet, a bugle, or a trombone are negotiable at the corner<br> +grocery, or in Wall and State streets.</p> + +<p>Going from bars to banks is a distance. But when I go anywhere, I like to<br> +have it distant. The enjoyment is invariably greater. It saves my tailors,<br> +hatters, restaurant keepers, and some others, the expense and trouble of<br> +too much correspondence. Such isn't good for the brain—especially where it<br> +is small, and easily overtaxed. "Distance lends enchantment to the view."<br> +May I ask, is or was distance in the brokerage line that it lent<br> +enchantment to the view? and what might possibly have been the conditions<br> +on which the loan was made? The man who leaves his country for its (and<br> +his) good has an especial fondness for the distant. The further off the<br> +nearer he feels like home. Australia is an El Dorado—the antipodes a<br> +celestial region. The intervening sea is one over which the most<br> +penetrating of argus-eyed policemen or sheriffs, can not see. Australia—is<br> +it not the land of gold? Who that has poached a pile does not gravitate<br> +there, as the needle to the pole? Of course, I do not mean the<br> +sewing-machine needle.</p> + +<p>Some people think California greater. I don't. The greatness of a country<br> +does not in all cases turn on its great rogues. New-York and Washington may<br> +not assent; but, Mr. PUNCHINELLO, isn't it so? These may give it character,<br> +but of the sort nobody is anxious to carry in his pocket as a wedge by<br> +which to enter good, genteel society. "Character," says a leading mind, "is<br> +every thing." Quite true; and if of the right sort, will take a man<br> +speedily to the noose. Biddy can get the most stunning of characters at the<br> +first corner for half a week's wages or—stealings. As a general thing, I<br> +don't believe in characters, and for the reason that a large portion of my<br> +acquaintances—I go into society a great deal—do not appear to have a bit<br> +of the article. They say it is unnecessary; that "society" don't demand it;<br> +and that to have it is like travelling with baggage which is mere rubbish.<br> +My elastic but excellent friend JENKINS says the only sense that can be put<br> +on society market to practical advantage is the uncommon scamp. Common<br> +sense, so-called, is a drug. Old Mr. MATTEROFACT—who heeds him or his?<br> +He's always pushed into the corner, or crowded to the back seat. Sensible<br> +people, the world being judges, are a mistake. They were born and educated<br> +that way. They don't definitely belong anywhere. Trespassers, interlopers,<br> +impertinents-why should they be tolerated? Doesn't CONGRESSMAN SURFACE, of<br> +the Forty-fourth District, rule the roast? Isn't Mrs. SIMPLE the pattern<br> +Woman of the Swell-Front avenue? Who so charming as Widow MILKWATER? Common<br> +sense might have done once, but that was when the world was younger and yet<br> +more old-fashioned. It isn't available now. Rust never shines. Out upon it,<br> +or let it get out. The best place, I would suggest, is out of town—and in<br> +the woods. Strangers always make people feel uncomfortable.</p> + +<p>Need I hint just now that it is Lent? Lent is suggestive. It suggests some<br> +of my best books. Books are the best of friends. They are honest. They say<br> +what they feel, and feel what they say. Like other blessings, too, they<br> +often take to wings and fly; and it proves to be a fly that never returns.<br> +A good book is a joy forever. The only sad thing about it is, that it keeps<br> +lent all the time—not so much piously as profanely. Am I my brother's<br> +keeper? No. But my brother is quite too often a keeper of mine—of mine own<br> +choice authors. The best of friends are, of course—like the best of<br> +steaks—rather rare. Like honest men they count only one in ten<br> +thousand—an extremely small per cent in a commercial point of view.<br> +Books—what should we do without them? What may we not do with them, if it<br> +were not for the season of Lent?</p> + +<p>I am something of a politician. My friends do not think I am. But they are<br> +prejudiced—friends always are. I go, on principle, for the greatest good<br> +of the greatest number. You know that humble, initial figure. I confess to<br> +a love of loaves and fishes. A nice French loaf, and a delicious salmon in<br> +the suburbs of green peas—who wouldn't be a politician about that time? I<br> +have run for office—and at least half a dozen times. But, bless you, I<br> +never caught it. Some big, burly, brainless cur of a fellow was always<br> +ahead of me. Very queer in politics—the less the head the more one gets<br> +ahead. A head is little or nothing; but face, cheek, assurance—such is<br> +much; is every thing. What are politics but audacity? what professions of<br> +public good but pretences for private pap? I like politics. Politics,<br> +however, don't seem to like me. I call myself a patriot; but, strangely<br> +enough, or otherwise, I have never been called to fill a patriot's<br> +office—say for $5000 and upward per year. As for a patriot's grave—it's a<br> +fine thing, no doubt, but I have never regarded it as my "mission" to fill<br> +that. It affects one's activity and usefulness, and cuts off going to<br> +FECHTER BOOTH, <i>Frou-Frou</i>, the <i>Twelve Temptations</i>, and opera.<br> +I declined all such honors during the war, and on principle; the principal<br> +thing being that I had no taste for lead and iron. Iron, I know, is good<br> +for the blood; but taken in bullets, it lessens instead of increases the<br> +circulation. These metals are quite too much for a delicate stomach. Shells<br> +as a drink I like; shells as bombs I do <i>not</i> like. They are<br> +unhealthy. As a beverage I can surround it several times a day, and bless<br> +the climate that grows it, and the cask that makes it. But of shells, as of<br> +company, I prefer to make my choice. I, too, have my choice of office. I am<br> +strong and can draw well. My <i>forte</i> is drawing salary. That may not<br> +be the highest form of art, but it is unquestionably artful. Moreover, it<br> +is the one mankind, if it could, would cultivate with the most assiduity.<br> +It is the plaster every man would put to his back.</p> + +<p>As a politician I believe in myself first, my pocket second, my country<br> +third. This platform is strong and satisfactory—at least to your friend,</p> + +<p>TIMOTHY TODD.</p> + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + + +<hr> +<center> +<h3>ALBANY COCK-ROBINS.</h3></center> + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> +<p> Who killed the Charter?<br> + I, says the <i>Herald</i>,<br> + With wit <i>à la</i> JERROLD.<br> + As Assemblymen I ferruled,<br> + And I killed the Charter.</p> + +<p> Who killed the Charter?<br> + I, says the <i>World</i>,<br> + With my blunders hurled<br> + And black flag unfurled,<br> + And I killed the Charter.</p> + +<p> Who killed the Charter?<br> + I, says the <i>Sun</i>,<br> + With my sensation fun,<br> + Or my Sol-ferino gun,<br> + And I killed the Charter.</p> + +<p> Who killed the Charter?<br> + I, says PUNCHINELLO,<br> + With my wit so mellow,<br> + I was the very fellow<br> + Who killed off the Charter.</p> +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + +<hr> +<center> +<h3> +THE DWARF DEJECTED.</h3> +</center> + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> +<p> +A pathetic recital for the benefit of you, or me, or any other snail who<br> +may want a tortoise-shell.</p> + +<p>In what year, or under what king Bezoman, lived he, no matter. Suffice it<br> +to know he still survives.</p> + +<p>Once he was happy!</p> + +<p>Once, whene'er the eventide flooded the earth with effulgent glory, and<br> +each little star began to wonder who I was, to the loftiest turret of his<br> +quite commodious castle this dwarf would climb, and muse upon sciology and<br> +the cosmic forces.</p> +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + +<img alt="castle.jpg (71K)" src="castle.jpg" height="614" width="405"> + +</td><td> + +<p>"Oh! Life is joy—is peace to me!" would he cry, ever and anon.</p> + +<p>And ever an anonymous owl would scream, "To whoo? To whoo?"</p> + +<p>Upon one eventful eve he sat upon his turret.</p> + +<p>Gazing around, he sprang upon his feet.</p> + +<p>"What, ho!" he cried, as a glimmer of light shot across the surface of the +lake, "What, ho! A light in the ship-house! Tis the red light of danger! I +forbode."</p> + +<p>Glancing around and beneath him, he perceived that the stucco was peeling +from his favorite turret. "Here is danger, indeed!" he said; and loudly +shouted for his ah! too dilatory servant to bring the ladder by which he +ascended and descended his lofty pinnacle. At last the servant came, and he +was a new and somewhat weighty waiter youth.</p> + +<p>"Ah! big lad—!" then said the dwarf.</p> + +<p>"I am glad, good sir," replied the boy.</p> + +<p>"I would have the big ladder!" cried his master.</p> + +<p>"I can't be gladder," said the boy.</p> + +<p>The dwarf looked pityingly down upon the youth for several moments.</p> + +<p>"Are you a natural-born fool?" said he.</p> + +</td></tr> +</table> + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> +<p>The boy advanced to the edge of the roof, made a bow, placed one arm at<br> +right angles before him, while the other hung by his side, and thus he sang<br> +his song:</p> +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + +<p> "I've never been to public school,<br> + My vaccination did not take.<br> + Perhaps I will grow up a fool;<br> + But that my heart will never break.</p> + +<p> I would not win in learning's race,<br> + Nor e'er be rich and lose my looks;<br> + I think that a small-pocked face<br> + Is worse than e'en small pocket-books.<br> + Then, didy fol, la, la, la, la!—"</p> + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + +<br> + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + +<p>"Stop!" cried the now enraged dwarf. "Begone! ere I, base boy! shall heave<br> +the turret down."</p> + +<p>"Certainly," replied the youth. "Big, ornary, base boy shall leave thee to<br> +rot down. Oh! yes; of course, of course!" And away he went.</p> + +<p>The Court fool came at last and let his master down.</p> + +<p>"Oh! ho!" said he of the motley, as the dwarf came slowly down the ladder.<br> +"Thou art now the first descendant of thy house."</p> + +<p>The dwarf laughed, and fell the rest of the way. "No matter!" he cried,<br> +rubbing his shins. "My house shall follow me. It shall come down too. I am<br> +going to have it all built up anew."</p> + +<p>"Bravo!" said the clown. "I thought you were too happy."</p> + +<p>On the next day the door-bell of the castle rang, and soon a varlet came to<br> +fast inform my lord the dwarf that in the parlor waited now a giant, and on<br> +the card he gave his name was written, "S.T. Mate." The dwarf unto his<br> +parlor quick repaired, and there, upon some dozen chairs the giant sat,<br> +smiling benign.</p> + +<p>"Hail to thee! good Sir Dwarf," spake the mammoth, and rising and folding<br> +his arms across his breast, he sang, in royal bass, his song:</p> + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + + +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + +<p> "I hear that thou, O neighbor brave!<br> + Thy edifice anew would build.<br> + I come to much vain labor save.<br> + If thou to hear me now art willed."</p> + +<p>"Proceed," said the dwarf, seating himself upon a piano-stool, and screwing +himself up until he was near the ceiling and on a level with the singer's +head. The giant proceeded:</p> + +<p> "If thou shouldst build thy house thyself,<br> + The cost thou surely ne'er would know;<br> + But if I take the job, my friend.<br> + You'll see where every cent will go."</p> + +<p>"I like that," said the dwarf. "Pray sing some more."</p> + +<p> "I'll tell you just what it will cost;<br> + And all that you will have to do<br> + Will be to travel for a time,<br> + Whilst I your castle build anew."</p> + +<p>"That's capital!" cried the delighted dwarf. "It would suit me exactly. +Warble me yet other wood notes wild."</p> + + +<p>The giant sang on:</p> + +<p> "A castle such as you will want<br> + Will cost you eighty pounds—or so.<br> + I'll charge you nothing for my time;<br> + You'll see where every cent will go."</p> + + +</td><td> + + <img alt="10.jpg (112K)" src="10.jpg" height="789" width="370"> +</td></tr> +</table> + + + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + +<p>The dwarf revolved himself rapidly, and quickly reached the floor.</p> + +<p>"The concert's over!" he cried, "and here's a check for eighty pounds.<br> +Proceed! Tear down; construct! I leave tonight for foreign parts. Write me<br> +when all is done. Adieu."</p> + +<p>The interview terminated.</p> + +<p>The clown, who had overheard this fair discourse, now left the castle; and<br> +retiring to a secluded spot, where—a willow drooped sadly o'er the brook,<br> +he laid him down and died.</p> + +<p>The dwarf to foreign parts now hied, and when twelve months had passed, and<br> +he had had no news of his grand castle, he returned home.</p> + +<p>He found the castle finished—all but the roof and walls. The deep cellars,<br> +with their marble copings just peeping 'neath the heavy mass of weeds that<br> +clustered to their very edge, were dark and solemn. The sly fox slunk along<br> +their passages, and grim serpents reared their heads from many a gloomy<br> +corner.</p> + +<p>The dwarf, he gazed in silence!</p> + +<p>By heavy sighs his breast was heaven, and black thoughts made his soul like<br> +Hades!</p> + +<p>Anon he mounted in hot haste, and rode unto the giant's castle on the<br> +distant hills. By sundown, the dwarf he saw on the horizon a great blue<br> +mass, the sight of which did move his inmost being.</p> + +<p>"It is his castle!" quoth he, and he gave his steed free rein.</p> + +<p>The interview was terrible!</p> + +<p>All the domestics fled and hid themselves in distant dells.</p> + +<p>At last the dwarf, exhausted by vituperation, sank upon the flagstones of<br> +the court-yard. Then folded the giant his arms and sang his song:</p> + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> +<br> + + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + +<p> "Oh! hear me now, misguided dwarf,<br> + Eight thousand pound more I must ask.<br> + Materials, and labor too,<br> + All rose since I began my task.</p> + +<p> Among the things we can't divine.<br> + Are values of such terms as 'so;'<br> + But I've all items entered straight,<br> + Where all the money goes you'll know."</p> + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> +<br> + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> +<p>The dwarf gave one quick savage glance at the pocket of the giant, S.T.<br> +MATE, and then, without a word, he proudly crossed the drawbridge.</p> + +<p>But he had not long left the castle at his back ere dejection crept upon<br> +him and never left him more.</p> + +<p>The dwarf he did his cellar reach, fainting, almost bereft of speech; and<br> +as his men he staggered by, with panting breast and haggard eye,</p> + +<p>"Minstrel!" he cried, "O laggard! I for deepest depths of Lethe long. Get<br> +thy guitar and sing a song!"</p> +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> +<br> + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + +<p>The minstrel sang:</p> + +<p> "O Estimate!<br> + Thy name is great,<br> +MEDUSA's head thou sure must own.<br> + Do as we will,<br> + Thy coming still<br> +Turns all our hard-earned cash to stone."</p> +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> +<br> + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> +<p>The dwarf, now sunk in Lethe's mud, did snore; knowing the sign, the<br> +minstrel then forbore.</p> +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="11.jpg (200K)" src="11.jpg" height="595" width="921"> +</center> +<br><br> +<hr> +<br> +<center> +<h3> +ODE TO THE MISSING COLLECTOR.</h3> + +<h4>BY REGALIA REYNA.</h4></center> +<br> + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> +<p> + Where are <i>you now</i>, MR. BAILEY?<br> + We've been looking for you daily,<br> + Sometimes sadly, sometimes gayly,<br> + Ever since the week begun.<br> + Loving you so dear as we do,<br> + Doting on you, doubting for you,<br> + Looking for you, longing for you,<br> + Waiting for you, watching for you,<br> + Fearing you have cut and run,<br> + Ere your heavy task was done<br> + In cigars, and snuff, and rum;<br> + Spoiling for us lots of fun,<br> + And racy items for <i>The Sun</i>,<br> + In the seizure rows begun,<br> + And the heavy raids to come.<br> + Think of poor, forsaken KIRBY,<br> + Think of honest-scented HARVEY!<br> + Your desertion, J. F. BAILEY,<br> + "Busts" our glorious Trinity;<br> + Robs the law of subtlety,<br> + Knocks our look for <i>moietie</i>,<br> + Knocks that Jersey property!<br> + So much whisky all set free:<br> + Where is SHIELDS to get his fee?<br> + Think of melancholy PUFFER,<br> + What the aged CHILDS must suffer!<br> + JOSHUA F., the noble buffer,<br> + "Lost to sight, to memory dear,"<br> + Think of energetic VAIL<br> + Looking round to get his bail,<br> + While you're riding on a rail,<br> + Or on ocean gayly sail<br> + For UNCLE BULL'S dominion!<br> + How could you thus fly the track<br> + With so many stores to "crack,"<br> + And COLUMBUS at your back<br> + To defy the whiskey pack<br> + And popular opinion?<br> + Whiskey "fellers" feeling badly,<br> + Cigar-sellers smoking madly,<br> + Bondsmen looking sorely, sadly,<br> + If their signatures are clear,<br> + If you will not cost them dear,<br> + If in court they must appear<br> + Mournfully, in doubt and fear.<br> + Oh! you weak, unfeeling cuss,<br> + To get them in this shocking muss;<br> + How their pocket-books will rue it!<br> + J.F.B., how <i>could</i> you do it?<br> + Are you putting for the West,<br> + Did you take French leave for Brest,<br> + Have you feathered well your nest,<br> + Do you sweetly take your rest;<br> + Say, whom <i>do</i> you like the best—<br> + COOK, or JENKS, or FULLERTON?<br> + Would you, JOSH, believe it true,<br> + At the moment, sir, when you<br> + Waited for that verdict blue,<br> + O'er the wires the message flew,<br> + Paid or franked by BOUTWELL through:<br> + "The gig is up; the cuss won't do.<br> + Put the district Thirty-two<br> + Under General PLEASANTON."<br> + Oh! the vile ingratitude;<br> + Of Statesmen in this latitude;<br> + Worse than DELANO'S attitude.<br> + Say, what is your longitude,<br> + East or West from Washington?</p> +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + +<hr> + + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> +<p>"Fox"-y.</p> + +<p>FECHTER'S wig in HAMLET.</p> + +<hr> +<p>"Echoes of the Clubs."</p> + +<p>SOUND of the policemen's <i>batons</i> on the sidewalk.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Over and Under.</p> + +<p>INDIANA is said to be "going over" her divorce laws. She has certainly gone<br> +long enough under them.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Our Bullet-in.</p> + +<p>THE government has so many bad guns on hand that it deserves to be called,<br> +"A snapper-up of unconsidered Rifles."</p> + +<hr> +<p>Every Little Helps.</p> + +<p>THE British newspapers say that ARTHUR HELPS writes the PRINCE OF WALES'S<br> +speeches. Now, if ARTHUR HELPS the Prince, who helps ARTHUR?</p> + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + +<hr> +<br><br> + +<center> +<img alt="12.jpg (103K)" src="12.jpg" height="578" width="471"> +</center> +<br> + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + +<p>Mr. DRAKE, who has been studying elocution under a graduate of the Old<br> +Bowery, and has acquired a most tragic croak, which, with a little rouge<br> +and burnt cork, and haggard hair, gives him a truly awful aspect, remarked<br> +that the soil of the South was clotted with blood by fiends in human shape,<br> +(sensation in the diplomatic gallery.) The metaphor might be meaningless;<br> +but it struck him it was strong. These fiends were doubly protected by<br> +midnight and the mask. In his own State the Ku-Klux ranged together with<br> +the fierce whang-doodle. His own life had been threatened. (Faint<br> +applause.) He had received an express package marked in large letters,<br> +"D.H." The President of the United States, an expert in express packages,<br> +had told him this meant "Dead Head." Was this right? Hah! Bellud!! Gore was<br> +henceforth his little game. He would die in his seat. (Great cheering,<br> +which rendered the remainder of the senator's remarks inaudible.)</p> + +<p>The case of the admission of General AMES as a senator from Mississippi<br> +came up. Senator CONKLING said that he had no objection to AMES in<br> +particular; but in Brigadier-General, he considered the principle of<br> +letting in men who elected themselves to be bad. Notoriously, General AMES<br> +did not live in Mississippi. He considered this rather creditable to<br> +General AMES'S good sense than otherwise. But did it not operate as a<br> +trivial disqualification against his coming here to represent Mississippi?<br> +Besides, if generals were allowed to elect themselves, where would it end?<br> +General AUGUR, he believed, commanded the Indian district. He would send<br> +himself to the Senate from that region, and be howling about the Piegan<br> +massacre and such outrages upon his constituents, with which the Senate had<br> +been sickened already. In that case AUGUR, he grieved to say, would be a<br> +Bore. Then there is CANBY, who commands in Virginia. CANBY would like to be<br> +a senator, no doubt, like other people who never tried it; and he will be<br> +if he CANBY. A distinguished friend of his in the other house, whom it<br> +would be detrimental to the public service for him to name, if this<br> +military representation were to be recognized, instead of sitting for a<br> +district in Massachusetts, would represent Dutch Gap. They had already, in<br> +his friend from Missouri, a representative of the German Flats; and he<br> +submitted that a member from Dutch Gap would be two tonic for the body<br> +politic.</p> + +<p>Mr. HOWARD was in favor of the admission of AMES. He considered the<br> +arguments of the last speaker paltry, and his puns beneath contempt. What<br> +difference did it make whether AMES represented Mississippi or not?<br> +Mississippi was disloyal, and didn't deserve to have any representative.<br> +AMES was a good fellow, and a good officer. Besides, he had been through<br> +West-Point and knew something. He understood he played a very fair game of<br> +billiards, and he would be an ornament to the Senate. Let us let him in.<br> +The Senate had already let in REVELS, who had been sent by AMES; and it was<br> +absurd to keep out AMES, who was the master of the REVELS. He considered<br> +that, in the language of a manly sport with which senators were familiar,<br> +he "saw" Senator CONKLING'S puns, and went several better, though he did<br> +not wish to be considered a better himself.</p> + +<p>All this time, singular to say, Senator SUMNER remained silent.</p> + +<p> +HOUSE.</p> + +<p> +The House had a little amusement over polygamy in Utah. That institution<br> +shocks Mr. WARD, of New-York, and naturally also Mr. BUTLER, of<br> +Massachusetts. Mr. WARD was astonished to see any member standing up in<br> +defence of polygamy in the nineteenth century. If some member should stand<br> +up in any other century and defend it, it would not astonish him at all. It<br> +was sheer inhumanity to refuse to come to the rescue of our suffering<br> +brethren in Utah. How a man who had one wife could consent to see fellow-<br> +creatures writhing under the infliction of two or three each, was what, Mr.<br> +WARD remarked, got over him. Mr. BUTLER pointed out how much money the<br> +Mormons had made.</p> + +<p>Mr. Cox did not see why we should interfere by force to prevent a man's<br> +marrying as many wives as he chose. Such a man was his own worst enemy; and<br> +his crime carried its own punishment.</p> + +<p>Mr. HOOPER, of Utah, said the bill was an outrage. By all the wives that he<br> +held most sacred, he felt impelled to resent it. MOSES was a polygamist;<br> +hence his meekness. If this sort of thing was continued, no man's wives<br> +would be safe. His own partners would be torn from him, and turned out upon<br> +the world. He scorned to select from among them. Take all or none.</p> + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + +<hr> +<center><h3> +THE MARRIAGE MARKET IN ROME.</h3></center> + + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> +<p> +The business of catching impecunious counts, of magnetizing bankrupt<br> +marquises, and of plucking penniless princes, as practised by American<br> +women, appears to absorb all the attention in Rome at present. The rage for<br> +titles is said to be so great among some classes of Americans resident in<br> +the Holy City, that the only song one hears at evening parties and<br> +receptions is the one commencing,</p> + +<p> "When I can read my title clear."</p> + +<p>We should not be surprised any day to hear that a marriage market had been<br> +opened on one of the plazas of Rome, the quotations of which would read<br> +something after this fashion: Husbands dull and declining; American<br> +beauties more active; foreign mammas less firm; American securities in<br> +great demand; the market in princes somewhat stronger; holders of titles<br> +much sought after; brains without money a drug in the market; "bogus"<br> +counts at a discount; the genealogy market panicky and falling; the stock<br> +of nobility rapidly depreciating; the pedigree exchange market flat and<br> +declining, etc., etc. This traffic in titles, this barter in dowries, this<br> +swapping of "blood" for dollars, is an offense too rank for words to embody<br> +it. The trade in cadetships is mild in comparison with it, because in these<br> +commercial transactions with counts, while one party may be the purchaser,<br> +both parties are inevitably seen to be sold. The business may only be<br> +excusable on the theory that "an even exchange is no robbery." But so long<br> +as brains are not bartered for a title, or beauty sacrificed for a<br> +pedigree, we should not complain. Of money, there is plenty in America;<br> +and, while marquises are in the market, let Shoddy continue to pipe for its<br> +own. A fig for Macbeth's philosophy that "blood will have blood." We modify<br> +it in these degenerate days to "blood will have money:"</p> +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> +<p> "Maidens, like moths, are ever caught by glare;<br> + And Mammon wins his way where Seraphs might despair."</p> +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + +<hr> +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> +<p> "The Lay of the Last Minstrel."</p> + +<p> "SHOO FLY, don't bodder me."</p> + +<hr> +<p>"Benedict's Time."</p> + +<p>THE honeymoon.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Homoeopathic Cure for Hydrophobia.</p> + +<p>BARK.</p> + +<hr> +<p>Ode to my Washerwoman.</p> + +<p>$2 50.</p> +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + +<br><br> + + +<center> +<img alt="advert2.jpg (217K)" src="advert2.jpg" height="1132" width="757"> +</center> + + +<hr> +<center> +<img alt="13.jpg (136K)" src="13.jpg" height="769" width="601"> +</center> + +<hr> +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> +<p>Harper's Periodicals.</p> + +<p>Magazine. Weekly. Bazar.</p> + +<p><i>Subscription Price, $4 per year each. $10 for the three.</i></p> + +<p>An Extra Copy of either the MAGAZINE, WEEKLY, or BAZAR will be supplied<br> +gratis for every Club of Five Subscribers at $4 each, in one remittance;<br> +or, Six Copies for $20.</p> + +<hr> +<p>HARPER'S CATALOGUE</p> + +<p>May be obtained gratuitously on application to Harper & Brothers<br> +personally, or by letter, inclosing six cents in postage-stamps.</p> + +<p><i>HARPER & BROTHERS, New-York</i>.</p> + +<hr> +<p>HENRY L. STEPHENS,</p> + +<p> +ARTIST,</p> + +<p> +No. 160 Fulton Street,</p> + +<p> +NEW-YORK.</p> + +<p> +Important to Newsdealers!</p> + +<p> +ALL ORDERS FOR</p> + +<p> +PUNCHINELLO</p> + +<p> +Will be supplied by</p> + +<p> +OUR SOLE ANB EXCLUSIVE AGENTS,</p> + +<p> +American News Co.</p> + +<p> +NEW-YORK.</p> + +<hr> +<p>PUNCHINELLO:</p> + +<p> +TERMS TO CLUBS.</p> + +<hr> +<p>WE OFFER AS PREMIUMS FOR CLUBS</p> + +<p> +FIRST:</p> + +<p> +<i>DANA BICKFORD'S PATENT FAMILY SPINNER</i>,</p> + +<p>The most complete and desirable machine ever yet introduced for spinning<br> +purposes.</p> + +<p> +SECOND:</p> + +<p> +<i>BICKFORD'S CROCHET AND FANCY WORK MACHINES</i>.</p> + +<p> +These beautiful little machines are very fascinating, as well as useful;<br> +and every lady should have one, as they can make every conceivable kind of<br> +crochet or fancy work upon them.</p> + +<p> +THIRD:</p> + +<p><i>BICKFORD'S AUTOMATIC FAMILY KNITTER</i>.</p> + +<p>This is the most perfect and complete machine in the world. It knits every<br> +thing.</p> + +<p> +FOURTH:</p> + +<p><i>AMERICAN BUTTONHOLE, OVERSEAMING, AND SEWING-MACHINE</i>.</p> + +<p>This great combination machine is the last and greatest improvement on all<br> +former machines. No. 1, with finely finished Oiled Walnut Table and Cover,<br> +complete, price, $75. No. 2, same machine without the buttonhole parts,<br> +etc., price, $60.</p> + +<p> +WE WILL SEND THE</p> + +<p>Family Spinner, price, $8, for 4 subscribers and $16.<br> +No. 1 Crochet, price, 8, for 4 subscribers and 16.<br> +No. 2 Crochet, price, 15, for 6 subscribers and 24.<br> +No. 1 Automatic Knitter, 72 needles, price, 30, for 12 subscribers and 48.<br> +No. 2 Automatic Knitter, 84 needles, price, 33, for 13 subscribers and 52.<br> +No. 3 Automatic Knitter, 100 needles, price, 37, for 15 subscribers and 60.<br> +No. 4 Automatic Knitter, 2 cylinders }<br> + 1 72 needles}price, 40, for 16 subscribers and 64.<br> + 1 100 needles}</p> + +<p>No. 1 American Buttonhole and Overseaming Machine, price, $75, for 30<br> +subscribers and £120.<br> +No. 2 American Buttonhole and Overseaming Machine, without buttonhole<br> +parts, etc. price, 60, for 25 subscribers and 100.</p> + +<p> +Descriptive Circulars</p> + +<p> +Of all these machines will be sent upon application to this office, and<br> +full instructions for working them will be sent to purchasers.</p> + +<p>Parties getting up Clubs preferring cash to premiums, may deduct<br> +seventy-five cents upon each full subscription sent for four subscribers<br> +and upward, and after the first remittance for four subscribers may send<br> +single names as they obtain they them, deducting the commission.</p> + +<p>Remittances should be made in Post-Office Orders, Bank Checks, or Drafts on<br> +New-York City; or if these can not be obtained, then by Registered Letters,<br> +which any post-master will furnish. Charges on money sent by express must<br> +be prepaid, or the net amount only will be credited.</p> + +<p>Directions for shipping machines must be full and explicit to prevent<br> +error. In sending subscriptions give address, with Town, County, and State.</p> + +<p>The postage on this paper will be twenty cents per year, payable quarterly<br> +in advance, at the place where it was received. Subscribers in the British<br> +Provinces will remit twenty cents in addition to subscription.</p> + +<p>All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to</p> + +<p>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY P. O. Box 2783. No. 83 Nassau Street,<br> +NEW-YORK</p> + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 2, April 9, +1870, by Various + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, V1, N2 *** + +This file should be named 8p10210h.htm or 8p10210h.zip +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks get a new NUMBER, 8p10211h.htm +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, 8p10210ah.htm + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, David Widger +Marvin A. Hodges and the Online Distributed Proofreaders + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we usually do not +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +We are now trying to release all our eBooks one year in advance +of the official release dates, leaving time for better editing. +Please be encouraged to tell us about any error or corrections, +even years after the official publication date. + +Please note neither this listing nor its contents are final til +midnight of the last day of the month of any such announcement. +The official release date of all Project Gutenberg eBooks is at +Midnight, Central Time, of the last day of the stated month. A +preliminary version may often be posted for suggestion, comment +and editing by those who wish to do so. + +Most people start at our Web sites at: +http://gutenberg.net or +http://promo.net/pg + +These Web sites include award-winning information about Project +Gutenberg, including how to donate, how to help produce our new +eBooks, and how to subscribe to our email newsletter (free!). + + +Those of you who want to download any eBook before announcement +can get to them as follows, and just download by date. This is +also a good way to get them instantly upon announcement, as the +indexes our cataloguers produce obviously take a while after an +announcement goes out in the Project Gutenberg Newsletter. + +http://www.ibiblio.org/gutenberg/etext03 or +ftp://ftp.ibiblio.org/pub/docs/books/gutenberg/etext03 + +Or /etext02, 01, 00, 99, 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, 91 or 90 + +Just search by the first five letters of the filename you want, +as it appears in our Newsletters. + + +Information about Project Gutenberg (one page) + +We produce about two million dollars for each hour we work. The +time it takes us, a rather conservative estimate, is fifty hours +to get any eBook selected, entered, proofread, edited, copyright +searched and analyzed, the copyright letters written, etc. Our +projected audience is one hundred million readers. If the value +per text is nominally estimated at one dollar then we produce $2 +million dollars per hour in 2002 as we release over 100 new text +files per month: 1240 more eBooks in 2001 for a total of 4000+ +We are already on our way to trying for 2000 more eBooks in 2002 +If they reach just 1-2% of the world's population then the total +will reach over half a trillion eBooks given away by year's end. + +The Goal of Project Gutenberg is to Give Away 1 Trillion eBooks! +This is ten thousand titles each to one hundred million readers, +which is only about 4% of the present number of computer users. + +Here is the briefest record of our progress (* means estimated): + +eBooks Year Month + + 1 1971 July + 10 1991 January + 100 1994 January + 1000 1997 August + 1500 1998 October + 2000 1999 December + 2500 2000 December + 3000 2001 November + 4000 2001 October/November + 6000 2002 December* + 9000 2003 November* +10000 2004 January* + + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation has been created +to secure a future for Project Gutenberg into the next millennium. + +We need your donations more than ever! + +As of February, 2002, contributions are being solicited from people +and organizations in: Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Connecticut, +Delaware, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, +Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Massachusetts, +Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New +Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, +Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South +Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West +Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming. + +We have filed in all 50 states now, but these are the only ones +that have responded. + +As the requirements for other states are met, additions to this list +will be made and fund raising will begin in the additional states. +Please feel free to ask to check the status of your state. + +In answer to various questions we have received on this: + +We are constantly working on finishing the paperwork to legally +request donations in all 50 states. If your state is not listed and +you would like to know if we have added it since the list you have, +just ask. + +While we cannot solicit donations from people in states where we are +not yet registered, we know of no prohibition against accepting +donations from donors in these states who approach us with an offer to +donate. + +International donations are accepted, but we don't know ANYTHING about +how to make them tax-deductible, or even if they CAN be made +deductible, and don't have the staff to handle it even if there are +ways. + +Donations by check or money order may be sent to: + +Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +PMB 113 +1739 University Ave. +Oxford, MS 38655-4109 + +Contact us if you want to arrange for a wire transfer or payment +method other than by check or money order. + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation has been approved by +the US Internal Revenue Service as a 501(c)(3) organization with EIN +[Employee Identification Number] 64-622154. Donations are +tax-deductible to the maximum extent permitted by law. As fund-raising +requirements for other states are met, additions to this list will be +made and fund-raising will begin in the additional states. + +We need your donations more than ever! + +You can get up to date donation information online at: + +http://www.gutenberg.net/donation.html + + +*** + +If you can't reach Project Gutenberg, +you can always email directly to: + +Michael S. Hart hart@pobox.com + +Prof. Hart will answer or forward your message. + +We would prefer to send you information by email. + + +**The Legal Small Print** + + +(Three Pages) + +***START**THE SMALL PRINT!**FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN EBOOKS**START*** +Why is this "Small Print!" statement here? You know: lawyers. +They tell us you might sue us if there is something wrong with +your copy of this eBook, even if you got it for free from +someone other than us, and even if what's wrong is not our +fault. So, among other things, this "Small Print!" statement +disclaims most of our liability to you. It also tells you how +you may distribute copies of this eBook if you want to. + +*BEFORE!* YOU USE OR READ THIS EBOOK +By using or reading any part of this PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm +eBook, you indicate that you understand, agree to and accept +this "Small Print!" statement. If you do not, you can receive +a refund of the money (if any) you paid for this eBook by +sending a request within 30 days of receiving it to the person +you got it from. If you received this eBook on a physical +medium (such as a disk), you must return it with your request. + +ABOUT PROJECT GUTENBERG-TM EBOOKS +This PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBook, like most PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBooks, +is a "public domain" work distributed by Professor Michael S. Hart +through the Project Gutenberg Association (the "Project"). +Among other things, this means that no one owns a United States copyright +on or for this work, so the Project (and you!) can copy and +distribute it in the United States without permission and +without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth +below, apply if you wish to copy and distribute this eBook +under the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark. + +Please do not use the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark to market +any commercial products without permission. + +To create these eBooks, the Project expends considerable +efforts to identify, transcribe and proofread public domain +works. Despite these efforts, the Project's eBooks and any +medium they may be on may contain "Defects". Among other +things, Defects may take the form of incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other +intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged +disk or other eBook medium, a computer virus, or computer +codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment. + +LIMITED WARRANTY; DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES +But for the "Right of Replacement or Refund" described below, +[1] Michael Hart and the Foundation (and any other party you may +receive this eBook from as a PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBook) disclaims +all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including +legal fees, and [2] YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE OR +UNDER STRICT LIABILITY, OR FOR BREACH OF WARRANTY OR CONTRACT, +INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE +OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE +POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. + +If you discover a Defect in this eBook within 90 days of +receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) +you paid for it by sending an explanatory note within that +time to the person you received it from. If you received it +on a physical medium, you must return it with your note, and +such person may choose to alternatively give you a replacement +copy. If you received it electronically, such person may +choose to alternatively give you a second opportunity to +receive it electronically. + +THIS EBOOK IS OTHERWISE PROVIDED TO YOU "AS-IS". NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, ARE MADE TO YOU AS +TO THE EBOOK OR ANY MEDIUM IT MAY BE ON, INCLUDING BUT NOT +LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A +PARTICULAR PURPOSE. + +Some states do not allow disclaimers of implied warranties or +the exclusion or limitation of consequential damages, so the +above disclaimers and exclusions may not apply to you, and you +may have other legal rights. + +INDEMNITY +You will indemnify and hold Michael Hart, the Foundation, +and its trustees and agents, and any volunteers associated +with the production and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm +texts harmless, from all liability, cost and expense, including +legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the +following that you do or cause: [1] distribution of this eBook, +[2] alteration, modification, or addition to the eBook, +or [3] any Defect. + +DISTRIBUTION UNDER "PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm" +You may distribute copies of this eBook electronically, or by +disk, book or any other medium if you either delete this +"Small Print!" and all other references to Project Gutenberg, +or: + +[1] Only give exact copies of it. Among other things, this + requires that you do not remove, alter or modify the + eBook or this "small print!" statement. You may however, + if you wish, distribute this eBook in machine readable + binary, compressed, mark-up, or proprietary form, + including any form resulting from conversion by word + processing or hypertext software, but only so long as + *EITHER*: + + [*] The eBook, when displayed, is clearly readable, and + does *not* contain characters other than those + intended by the author of the work, although tilde + (~), asterisk (*) and underline (_) characters may + be used to convey punctuation intended by the + author, and additional characters may be used to + indicate hypertext links; OR + + [*] The eBook may be readily converted by the reader at + no expense into plain ASCII, EBCDIC or equivalent + form by the program that displays the eBook (as is + the case, for instance, with most word processors); + OR + + [*] You provide, or agree to also provide on request at + no additional cost, fee or expense, a copy of the + eBook in its original plain ASCII form (or in EBCDIC + or other equivalent proprietary form). + +[2] Honor the eBook refund and replacement provisions of this + "Small Print!" statement. + +[3] Pay a trademark license fee to the Foundation of 20% of the + gross profits you derive calculated using the method you + already use to calculate your applicable taxes. If you + don't derive profits, no royalty is due. Royalties are + payable to "Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation" + the 60 days following each date you prepare (or were + legally required to prepare) your annual (or equivalent + periodic) tax return. Please contact us beforehand to + let us know your plans and to work out the details. + +WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO? +Project Gutenberg is dedicated to increasing the number of +public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed +in machine readable form. + +The Project gratefully accepts contributions of money, time, +public domain materials, or royalty free copyright licenses. +Money should be paid to the: +"Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +If you are interested in contributing scanning equipment or +software or other items, please contact Michael Hart at: +hart@pobox.com + +[Portions of this eBook's header and trailer may be reprinted only +when distributed free of all fees. Copyright (C) 2001, 2002 by +Michael S. Hart. Project Gutenberg is a TradeMark and may not be +used in any sales of Project Gutenberg eBooks or other materials be +they hardware or software or any other related product without +express permission.] + +*END THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN EBOOKS*Ver.02/11/02*END* + + + +</pre> + +</body> +</html> |